15 Narrating an Event
At times we make a statement clear by relating in detail something that has happened. In the story we tell, we present the details in the order in which they happened. A person might say, for example, “I was embarrassed yesterday,” and then go on to illustrate the statement with the following narrative:
I was hurrying across campus to get to a class. It had rained heavily all morning, so I was hopscotching my way around puddles in the pathway. I called to two friends ahead to wait for me, and right before I caught up to them, I came to a large puddle that covered the entire path. I had to make a quick choice of either stepping into the puddle or trying to jump over it. I jumped, wanting to seem cool, since my friends were watching, but didn't clear the puddle. Water splashed everywhere, drenching my shoe, sock, and pants cuff, and spraying the pants of my friends as well. “Well done, Dave!” they said. My embarrassment was all the greater because I had tried to look so casual.
The speaker's details have made his moment of embarrassment vivid and real for us, and we can see and understand just why he felt as he did.
In this section, you will be asked to tell a story that illustrates or explains some point. The paragraphs below all present narrative experiences that support a point. Read them and then answer the questions that follow.
Paragraphs to Consider
Heartbreak
1Bonnie and I had gotten engaged in August, just before she left for college at Penn State. 2A week before Thanksgiving, I drove up to see her as a surprise. 3When I knocked on the door of her dorm room, she was indeed surprised, but not in a pleasant way. 4She introduced me to her roommate, who looked uncomfortable and quickly left. 5I asked Bonnie how classes were going, and at the same time I tugged on the sleeve of my heavy sweater in order to pull it off. 6As I was slipping it over my head, I noticed a large photo on the wall—of Bonnie and a tall guy laughing together. 7It was decorated with paper flowers and a yellow ribbon, and on the ribbon was written “Bonnie and Blake.” 8“What's going on?” I said. 9I stood there stunned and then felt an anger that grew rapidly. 10“Who is Blake?” I asked. 11Bonnie laughed nervously and said, “What do you want to hear about—my classes or Blake?” 12I don't really remember what she then told me, except that Blake was a sophomore math major. 13I felt a terrible pain in the pit of my stomach, and I wanted to rest my head on someone's shoulder and cry. 14I wanted to tear down the sign and run out, but I did nothing. 15Clumsily I pulled on my sweater again. 16My knees felt weak, and I barely had control of my body. 17I opened the room door, and suddenly more than anything I wanted to slam the door shut so hard that the dorm walls would collapse. 18Instead, I managed to close the door quietly. 19I walked away understanding what was meant by a broken heart.
Losing My Father
1Although my father died ten years ago, I felt that he'd been lost to me four years earlier. 2Dad had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, an illness that destroys the memory. 3He couldn't work any longer, but in his own home he got along pretty well. 4I lived hundreds of miles away and wasn't able to see my parents often. 5So when my first child was a few weeks old, I flew home with the baby to visit them. 6After Mom met us at the airport, we picked up Dad and went to their favorite local restaurant. 7Dad was quiet, but kind and gentle as always, and he seemed glad to see me and his new little grandson. 8Everyone went to bed early. 9In the morning, Mom left for work. 10I puttered happily around in my old bedroom. 11I heard Dad shuffling around in the kitchen, making coffee. 12Eventually I realized that he was pacing back and forth at the foot of the stairs as if he were uneasy. 13I called down to him, “Everything all right there? 14I'll be down in a minute.” 15“Fine!” he called back, with a forced-sounding cheerfulness. 16Then he stopped pacing and called up to me, “I must be getting old and forgetful. 17When did you get here?” 18I was surprised, but made myself answer calmly. 19“Yesterday afternoon. 20Remember, Mom met us at the airport, and then we went to The Skillet for dinner.” 21“Oh, yes,” he said. 22“I had roast beef.” 23I began to relax. 24But then he continued, hesitantly, “And . . . who are you?” 25My breath stopped as if I'd been punched in the stomach. 26When I could steady my voice, I answered, “I'm Laura; I'm your daughter. 27I'm here with my baby son, Max.” 28“Oh,” is all he said. 29“Oh.” 30And he wandered into the living room and sat down. 31In a few minutes I joined him and found him staring blankly out the window. 32He was a polite host, asking if I wanted anything to eat, and if the room was too cold. 33I answered with an aching heart, mourning for his loss and for mine.
A Frustrating Job
1Working as a baby-sitter was the most frustrating job I ever had. 2I discovered this fact when my sister asked me to stay with her two sons for the evening. 3I figured I would get them dinner, let them watch a little TV, and then put them to bed early. 4The rest of the night I planned to watch TV and collect an easy twenty dollars. 5It turned out to be anything but easy. 6First, right before we were about to sit down for a pizza dinner, Rickie let the parakeet out of its cage. 7This bird is really intelligent and can repeat almost any phrase. 8The dog started chasing it around the house, so I decided to catch it before the dog did. 9Rickie and Jeff volunteered to help, following at my heels. 10We had the bird cornered by the fireplace when Rickie jumped for it and knocked over the hamster cage. 11Then the bird escaped again, and the hamsters began scurrying around their cage like crazy creatures. 12The dog had disappeared by this point, so I decided to clean up the hamsters' cage and try to calm them down. 13While I was doing this, Rickie and Jeff caught the parakeet and put it back in its cage. 14It was time to return to the kitchen and eat cold pizza. 15But upon entering the kitchen, I discovered why the dog had lost interest in the bird chase. 16What was left of the pizza was lying on the floor, and tomato sauce was dripping from the dog's chin. 17I cleaned up the mess and then served chicken noodle soup and ice cream to the boys. 18Only at nine o'clock did I get the kids to bed. 19I then returned downstairs to find that the dog had thrown up pizza on the living-room rug. 20When I finished cleaning the rug, my sister returned. 21I took the twenty dollars and told her that she should get someone else next time.
Questions
About Unity
1. Which paragraph lacks a topic sentence?
Write a topic sentence for the paragraph.
2. Which sentence in “A Frustrating Job” should be omitted in the interest of
paragraph unity? (Write the sentence number here.) ________
About Support
3. What is for you the best (most real and vivid) detail or image in the paragraph “Heartbreak”?
What is the best detail or image in “Losing My Father”?
What is the best detail or image in “A Frustrating Job”?
4. Which two paragraphs include the actual words spoken by the participants?
About Coherence
5. Do the three paragraphs use time order or emphatic order to organize details?
6. What are four transition words used in “A Frustrating Job”?
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
Developing a Narrative Paragraph
Development through Prewriting
Gary's instructor was helping her students think of topics for their narrative paragraphs. “A narrative is simply a story that illustrates a point,” she said. “That point is often about an emotion you felt. Looking at a list of emotions may help you think of a topic. Ask yourself what incident in your life has made you feel any of these emotions.”
The instructor then jotted these feelings on the board:
Anger
Embarrassment
Jealousy
Amusement
Confusion
Thankfulness
Loneliness
Sadness
Terror
Relief
As Gary looked over the list, he thought of several experiences in his life. “The word `angry' made me think about a time when I was a kid. My brother took my skateboard without permission and left it in the park, where it got stolen. `Amused' made me think of when I watched my roommate, who claimed he spoke Spanish, try to bargain with a street vendor in Mexico. He got so flustered that he ended up paying even more than the vendor had originally asked for. When I got to `sad,' though, I thought about when I visited Bonnie and found out she was dating someone else. `Sad' wasn't a strong enough word, though—I was heartbroken. So I decided to write about heartbreak.”
Gary's first step was to do some freewriting. Without worrying about spelling or grammar, he simply wrote down everything that came into his mind concerning his visit to Bonnie. Here is what he came up with:
I hadn't expected to see Bonnie until Christmas. We'd got engaged just before she went off to college. The drive to Penn State took ten hours each way and that seemed like to much driving for just a weekend visit. But I realized I had a long weekend over thanksgiving I decided to surprise her. I think down deep I knew something was wrong. She had sounded sort of cool on the phone and she hadn't been writing as often. I guess I wanted to convince myself that everything was OK. We'd been dating since we were 16 and I couldn't imagine not being with her. When I knocked at her dorm door I remember how she was smiling when she opened the door. Her expression changed to one of surprise. Not happy surprise. I hugged her and she sort of hugged me back but like you'd hug your brother. Another girl was in the room. Bonnie said, “This is Pam,” and Pam shot out of the room like I had a disease. Everything seemed wrong and confused. I started taking off my sweater and then I saw it. On a bulletin board was this photo of Bonnie with Blake, the guy she had been messing around with. They broke up about a year later, but by then I never wanted to see Bonnie again. I couldn't believe Bonnie would start seeing somebody else when we were planning to get married. It had even been her idea to get engaged. Before she left for college. Later on I realized that wasn't the first dishonest thing she'd done. I got out of there as quick as I could.
Development through Revising
Gary knew that the first, freewritten version of his paragraph needed work. Here are the comments he made after he reread it the following day:
“Although my point is supposed to be that my visit to Bonnie was heartbreaking, I didn't really get that across. I need to say more about how the experience felt.
“I've included some information that doesn't really support my point. For instance, what happened to Bonnie and Blake later isn't important here. Also, I think I spend too much time explaining the circumstances of the visit. I need to get more quickly to the point where I arrived at Bonnie's dorm.
“I think I should include more dialogue, too. That would make the reader feel more like a witness to what really happened.”
With this self-critique in mind, Gary revised his paragraph until he had produced the version that appears on page 257.
Writing a Narrative Paragraph
Writing Assignment 1
Write a paragraph about an experience in which a certain emotion was predominant. The emotion might be fear, pride, satisfaction, embarrassment, or any of these:
Frustration Sympathy Shyness
Love Bitterness Disappointment
Sadness Violence Happiness
Terror Surprise Jealousy
Shock Nostalgia Anger
Relief Loss Hate
Envy Silliness Nervousness
The experience you write about should be limited in time. Note that the three paragraphs presented in this chapter all detail experiences that occurred within relatively short periods. One writer describes a heartbreaking surprise he received the day he visited his girlfriend; another describes the loss of her father; the third describes a frustrating night of baby-sitting.
A good way to bring an event to life for your readers is to include some dialogue, as the writers of two of the three paragraphs in this chapter have done. Words that you said, or that someone else said, help make a situation come alive. First, though, be sure to check the section on quotation marks on pages 478-484.
Prewriting
a Begin by freewriting. Think of an experience or event that caused you to feel a certain emotion strongly. Then spend ten minutes writing freely about the experience. Do not worry at this point about such matters as spelling or grammar or putting things in the right order. Instead, just try to get down all the details you can think of that seem related to the experience.
b This preliminary writing will help you decide whether your topic is promising enough to develop further. If it is not, choose another emotion and repeat step a. If it does seem promising, do two things:
• First, write your topic sentence, underlining the emotion you will focus on. For example, “My first day in kindergarten was one of the scariest days of my life.”
• Second, make up a list of all the details involved in the experience. Then number these details according to the order in which they occurred.
c Referring to your list of details, write a rough draft of your paragraph. Use time signals such as first, then, after, next, while, during, and finally to help connect details as you move from the beginning to the middle to the end of your narrative. Be sure to include not only what happened but also how you felt about what was going on.
Revising
Put your first draft away for a day or so. When you return to it, read it over, asking yourself these questions:
• Does my topic sentence clearly state what emotion the experience made me feel?
• Have I included some dialogue to make the experience come alive?
• Have I explained how I felt as the experience occurred?
• Have I used time order to narrate the experience from beginning to end?
• Have I used time signals to connect one detail to the next?
• Have I checked my paper for sentence skills, including spelling, as listed on the inside front cover of the book?
Continue revising your work until you can answer “yes” to all these questions.
Writing Assignment 2
Narrate a real-life event you have witnessed. Listed below are some places where interesting personal interactions often happen. Think of an event that you saw happen at one of these places, or visit one of them and take notes on an incident to write about.
The traffic court or small-claims court in your area
The dinner table at your or someone else's home
A waiting line at a supermarket, unemployment office, ticket counter, movie theater, or cafeteria
A doctor's office
An audience at a movie, concert, or sports event
A classroom
A restaurant
A student lounge
Prewriting
a Decide what point you will make about the incident. What one word or phrase characterizes the scene you witnessed? Your narration of the incident will emphasize that characteristic.
b Write your topic sentence. The topic sentence should state where the incident happened as well as your point about it. Here are some possibilities:
I witnessed a heartwarming incident at Burger King yesterday.
Two fans at last week's baseball game got into a hilarious argument.
The scene at our family dinner table Monday was one of complete confusion.
A painful dispute went on in Atlantic County small-claims court yesterday.
c Use the questioning technique to remind yourself of details that will make your narrative come alive. Ask yourself questions like these and write down your answers:
Whom was I observing?
How were they dressed?
What were their facial expressions like?
What tones of voice did they use?
What did I hear them say?
d Drawing details from the notes you have written, write the first draft of your paragraph. Remember to use time signals such as then, after that, during, meanwhile, and finally to connect one sentence to another.
Revising
After you have put your paragraph away for a day, read it to a friend who will give you honest feedback. You and your friend should consider these questions:
• Does the topic sentence make a general point about the incident?
• Do descriptions of the appearance, tone of voice, and expressions of the people involved paint a clear picture of the incident?
• Is the sequence of events made clear by transitional words such as at first, later, and then?
Continue revising your work until you and your reader can answer “yes” to all these questions. Then check to make sure your paragraph is free of sentence-skills mistakes, including spelling errors. Use the list on the inside front cover of this book.
Writing Assignment 3
Write an account of a memorable personal experience. Make sure that your story has a point, expressed in the first sentence of the paragraph. If necessary, tailor your narrative to fit your purpose. Use time order to organize your details (first this happened; then this; after that, this; next, this; and so on). Concentrate on providing as many specific details as possible so that the reader can really share your experience. Try to make it as vivid for the reader as it was for you when you first experienced it.
Use one of the topics below or a topic of your own choosing. Regardless, remember that your story must illustrate or support a point stated in the first sentence of your paper.
The first time you felt grown-up
A major decision you made
A moment you knew you were happy
Your best or worst date
A time you took a foolish risk
An argument you will never forget
An incident that changed your life
A time when you did or did not do the right thing
Your best or worst holiday or birthday, or some other special occasion
A time you learned a lesson or taught a lesson to someone else
An occasion of triumph in sports or some other area
You may want to refer to the suggestions for prewriting and rewriting in Writing Assignment 1.
Writing Assignment 4
Write a paragraph that shows, through some experience you have had, the truth or falsity of a popular belief. You might write about any one of the following statements or some other popular saying.
Every person has a price.
Haste makes waste.
Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
It isn't what you know, it's who you know.
Borrowing can get you into trouble.
What you don't know won't hurt you.
A promise is easier made than kept.
You never really know people until you see them in an emergency.
If you don't help yourself, nobody will.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
Hope for the best but expect the worst.
Never give advice to a friend.
You get what you pay for.
A stitch in time saves nine.
A fool and his money are soon parted.
There is an exception to every rule.
Nice guys finish last.
Begin your narrative paragraph with a topic sentence that expresses your agreement or disagreement with a popular saying or belief, for example:
“Never give advice to a friend” is not always good advice, as I learned after helping a friend reunite with her boyfriend.
My sister learned recently that it is easier to make a promise than to keep one.
Refer to the suggestions for prewriting and revising on page 263. Remember that the purpose of your story is to support your topic sentence. Omit details from the experience you're writing about that don't support your topic sentence. Also, feel free to use made-up details that will strengthen your support.
Writing Assignment 5
Imagine that a younger brother or sister, or a young friend, has to make a difficult decision of some kind. Perhaps he or she must decide how to prepare for a job interview, whether or not to get help with a difficult class, or what to do about a coworker who is taking money from the cash register. Narrate a story from your own experience (or that of someone you know) that will teach a younger person something about the decision he or she must make. In your paragraph, include a comment or two about the lesson your story teaches. Write about any decision young people often face, including any of those already mentioned or those listed below.
Should he or she save a little from a weekly paycheck?
Should he or she live at home or move to an apartment with some friends?
How should he or she deal with a group of friends who are involved with drugs, stealing, or both?