Leaving the Past Behind

By Teg

Jump to new as of March 20, 1999
Jump to new as of March 22, 1999

Part One

Posted on Wednesday, 17 March 1999

.

This is a prologue to my story Reflections. Following Elizabeth and Will's romantic picnic at Pemberley, Elizabeth returned home and soon afterward Charles returned to Netherfield. This story picks up one week before Jane and Charles' wedding in early October of the same year.

He sat in his car, staring at the front doors of Netherfield. Is she in there, now? Conflicting emotions churned within him, setting his stomach twisting into a knot. What is she thinking? She must hate me! I've let her down....promised to rescue her sister from George and made a right hash of the whole business.

He closed his eyes and drew forth from memory an image of her... an image from their time together at Pemberley.... her smile, her eyes..... He was unaware of the low moan he produced at these recollections.

At last he sighed and opened his eyes once again.

Can't stay out here all day, he thought resignedly. He tried to bolster his confidence with the memories of the summer, but knew it was a pale facade.

Squaring his shoulders, he entered the house.

"I'll have a talk with Lizzie," Jane assured her fiance. "I know she'd never do anything to upset our wedding day. She'll behave herself."

Charles looked doubtful. "If she dislikes Will as much as you say..... Oh, I don't know, Jane. I thought those two were getting along so well in the summer. I know Will can be standoffish, even a bit offensive at times, but I can't imagine him saying or doing anything to cause Elizabeth to dislike him so intensely!"

"Charles, you know I told you before that Lizzie's feelings date back to your first visit to Netherfield with Will. She's never liked him much, but I'm sure she'll be polite for our sake." She took his hand in hers.

Charles looked into her eyes and couldn't stop the wave of happiness from washing over his concern for his friend. But the thought persisted. If only you knew how much Will loves your sister, you wouldn't be treating this situation so lightly. It's going to be torture for him, paired up with Lizzie, knowing she can't stand him.

Both looked toward the door as it opened and Will Darcy himself made his entrance. Charles moved forward to greet his friend and shake his outstretched hand.

"Congratulations, Charles. Jane." said Will. His eyes darted quickly around the room and came to rest again on Charles. Will wasn't sure if he was more relieved or disappointed at Elizabeth's absence. "You certainly didn't waste any time in organizing your wedding."

"Can you blame me?" Charles gazed adoringly at the lady, who blushed.

"No," Will said, a wistfulness in his tone apparent only to those closest to him. "No, I can't say that I do."

There was an awkward silence for a moment.

"Well," Jane finally ventured, "I hope you'll excuse me, Will. I should be off home now."

"Don't be leaving on my account, Jane," Will said hurriedly. He chided himself on his pathetic attempt to learn any news of Elizabeth.

She laughed. "I was on my way anyhow, Will. I have a lot to do over the next week if I'm going to make it to the church on time!" She gave Charles a quick kiss. "I'm sure you two have some details to work out as well. I'll talk to you later, Charles."

The men watched her leave, then Charles turned his attention to his friend. "Did you have lunch?" Will shook his head. "I'll have something sent up."

"No, don't bother." Will said as he sank down into one of the armchairs. "Tell me about the plans for this week. Is there anything on for tonight?"

Charles took a seat opposite Will. "Nothing tonight. Jane and the ladies are having their final fittings done for their dresses today and are working on the headpieces tonight." He grinned. "I think it's really a bit of a hen party tonight."

Will smiled feebly in return. "Right, then. I brought a couple of bottles of whiskey with me---"

"Not the whiskey we-!"

"The very stuff!" Will pointed a finger at Charles. "It seemed to agree with you rather nicely that time!"

Charles groaned. "But my head didn't the next morning. And neither did your father, as I recall!"

"No, he wasn't at all pleased with us, was he?" Will chuckled grimly. "But this seems like the proper occasion to bring it out, and I'm sure my father would have agreed."

"Just be kind to me this time, Will!" Charles warned him. "Jane won't be thanking you if I miss our appointment with the vicar tomorrow morning."

"Well, let's get down to business, then." Will leaned forward. "The sooner we sort ourselves out, the sooner we can get started. Then I promise to make sure you're in your bed at a reasonable hour."

Charles looked curiously at his friend, beginning to suspect that Will was more interested in getting drunk himself than in seeing Charles laid out. "Right. I'll just get the notes we've made and be right back."

"Lizzie, you look absolutely beautiful!" Jane exclaimed upon her sister's emergence from the dressing room. "You are going to be very popular at the reception when the dancing begins!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Jane." Elizabeth eyed her sister's figure in the three-way mirror. "No-one will see beyond your beauty the whole day long. I don't know how Charles will restrain himself once he sees you in that wedding gown!" She looked at her own image again. Maybe Will could be enticed into a dance once or twice after all! Looking at Jane once more, she said "Did Charles mind my stealing you away tonight?"

"No, not at all. Besides, Will Darcy arrived this afternoon. I imagine the two of them will be getting up to some mischief of their own tonight."

Mischief? Will? Somehow Elizabeth couldn't see that. Jane mistook her silence for disapproval.

"Lizzie, I know you don't like him, but he is Charles' best friend, and his best man. I hope that won't be a problem."

"Of course not, Jane." Elizabeth smiled. "Don't worry. I shall not disgrace you."

"You'll have to dance with him at least once at the reception."

"A hardship I shall endure with forbearance!" Elizabeth teased. "Come on, Jane. Let's finish up here and pick up Charlotte and the others. We have something special planned for you!"

Charles tipped the bottle and watched the last few drops trickle out into his glass. He gazed pitifully in Will's direction. "Empty."

Will snickered and reached behind Charles to pull another bottle from the box beside him. He plunked it down a little too sharply, rattling the glass top of the bar cart.

"Sorry." Watching Charles pour out the whiskey into the glasses, he said "Oh, go on Charles, fill them right up. It'll save you a trip back."

Charles did as he asked and handed Will his glass. "I thought you said you'd brought a couple of bottles, not a case! I hardly think your father intended for it to be imbibed in one sitting! Did he not tell you he'd saved it for something special?"

Will put back half the contents of his glass and looked at Charles as if through a haze. "Yes. For my wedding, he said. And Georgiana's."

"Why did you bring it all here, then?"

Will waved a hand at the box. "That's only the case he set aside for me. Georgiana's is still in the cellar at home."

Charles shook his head, smiling. "If we drink it all this week, what will we do when you get married?"

Will's expression sobered considerably. "I'm not sure what the likelihood of that event may be." he muttered.

Charles laughed loudly. "Will, there are women queued up outside the gates of Pemberley for a chance to marry you! You have your pick of the most beautiful, wealthy young women in the country. What's the problem?"

Will looked at him, then suddenly laughed, too. "The same could have been said of you, Charles. What made you pick Jane Bennet out of the thousands vying for your attention?"

"Thousands!" Charles snorted, then gazed up at the ceiling. "But Jane.... Jane is so much more.... She's unassuming, unpretentious... Unlike anyone else I've met."

Unlike anyone else I've met..... Will repeated to himself. "Yes, she is that." he said, entirely unaware of it.

Charles stirred at the sound of Will's voice. He looked at the other man, realizing that the she he referred to was not Jane. Not wishing to cause his friend any pain he tried to change the subject. "Did you see the papers before you left Pemberley this morning?"

But Will either didn't hear him, or chose not to. "I asked her to marry me, you know."

Charles didn't know what to say to this revelation. He pretended not to hear it in case Will changed his mind. But his friend continued.

"She turned me down. No," he corrected himself with a short laugh. "She said I was the 'last man on earth she could ever be prevailed upon to marry'!"

Charles winced in sympathy for Will's wounded feelings. He knew that Elizabeth had a sharp tongue, but didn't think she would cut anyone quite so deeply with it. I guess Jane wasn't exaggerating when she said her sister hated Will. He couldn't fathom what his friend had possibly done to deserve such a scathing reply to his proposal.

Will drained his glass and poured out another. "I am no gentleman." he said, turning back to face Charles. "revealing a lady's secrets, so. But then, I didn't tell you her name.... so I suppose there's no harm done." He raised his glass to Charles and drank it down.

"Will, take it easy!" Charles cried, alarmed at the rate of his companion's consumption.

Will looked Charles steadily in the eye. "You're falling behind, Charles. Drink up!"

"Will---"

"You asked me why I brought this entire case with me. Well, I'll tell you why." Will took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "The next week will determine whether I ever marry or not. I've made some wretched mistakes, thought I'd made amends, and then did it all again. If she forgives me this time we'll drink it in celebration. If she never wishes to see me again...... I'll drown myself in what remains. I can't imagine living the next fifty years without Elizabeth." His voice trailed away to a whisper and there was silence.

Charles rose and crossed to where his friend stood. He took Will's glass and his own and filled them again. Will accepted his without a glance.

"Hell, I'm sorry Charles. This was supposed to be a happy celebration tonight." Will put on a false bravado and smiled. "You have found yourself a wonderful woman and I wish you all the best, Charles." He stumbled to the chair he had recently vacated and lowered himself into it. "And I shall think positively." At least until I have reason to do otherwise. "Oh, good Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed. "I told you it's Elizabeth!"

Charles placed a hand on Will's shoulder. "It comes as no surprise to me, Will. Your feelings, that is."

"And Elizabeth's?"

Charles met the hopeful gaze with uncertainty. "She hasn't said anything to me one way or the other."

Will refused to read any more into that reply. "I suppose that will have to do." Trying once more to be cheerful, he said "Tell me what goes through the mind of a soon-to-be-married man one week before his wedding? Hey, where are you going for your honeymoon?"

"Italy, and I'm nervous as hell, Will." Charles began pacing the floor. "I'll be relying on you to get me there on time and have me in the right spot when I should be there."

Will chuckled. "Somehow I don't think you need anyone to make sure you get there. Knowing Jane is waiting for you will be enough to send you on your way!" How I envy you, Charles!

"I think you're right, but I'll still need you to hold me up when my knees give way!"

Later that night, as the men fell into a drunken sleep in their beds, Elizabeth lay awake in hers. Tomorrow she would see Will at church. They hadn't seen one another, nor spoken, since the day she'd left Lambton in August, nearly seven weeks ago.

In that time she had subsisted on the remembered passions they had shared. She longed to see him, touch him, feel his kiss once more.

But what had happened with Lydia filled her with a dread of what might yet be to come. How could Will possibly forgive her sister and George Wickham for such a betrayal? Lord knew that Elizabeth couldn't. How could Will wish to associate with any of them, any Bennet, ever again?

Elizabeth pounded her fist into the pillow, frustration and anger mounting within her. She and Will had finally come to understand each other, and Elizabeth to appreciate the man that was Will Darcy rather than the picture painted by George. She cursed her sister's name for quite possibly ruining her chance at a lifetime of happiness with the man she had grown to love with all of her heart.

As much as she looked forward to the coming week, Elizabeth was terrified that Will would want nothing more to do with her.

This could be the worst week of my life! How could I watch Jane marry Charles, stand next to Will and wish it was us exchanging vows, if he decides to cut his losses and be rid of me? NO! Fate couldn't be so cruel to me!

The morning dawned sunny and warm. The birds were singing in the tree outside Elizabeth's window.

"Oh, shut up!" she mumbled irritably and pulled the blanket over her head. Sleep had eluded her through the wee hours, but the tears had not. Now her eyelids were heavy and swollen and her eyes tired and sore. It was an effort to lift her head from the pillow and there was a queasiness in her stomach that made her draw her knees up and curl into a ball.

After a few minutes she could hear the rest of the household going about their business and resigned herself to getting out of bed.

Buck up Elizabeth Bennet! You can't hide in here forever. Better to find out now what he thinks. Not that there would be much opportunity to speak with Will at church, nor in the company of her entire family.

"Oh, well," she sighed. "I can at least look at him." She swung her feet to the floor and stood.

There was a knock at the door and Jane's voice calling "Lizzie? Are you up? Can I come in?"

"Yes."

Jane was speaking as she opened the door and entered the room. ".... after church and our meeting with the vicar to work out the last minute details. Could you take care of the ... Lizzie, are you feeling alright? You look so pale."

"I'm fine, Jane. Just tired. I didn't sleep very well last night."

"You didn't sleep well! You didn't even drink anything last night! I'll be glad to trade you heads."

Tempting. I'd rather be having pleasant thoughts of my upcoming wedding than what's going through my mind. "No thanks, Jane." Elizabeth smiled wanly.

"Hurry up and get dressed, Lizzie. Breakfast is ready." said Jane, throwing a discarded shirt at her sister.

"I think I'll pass on breakfast this morning."

"Suit yourself." And Jane left her alone.

Elizabeth pulled some clothes from the closet and headed for the shower.

By Friday Will had despaired of ever having an opportunity to speak with Elizabeth alone. He was sullen and miserable, but still made a concerted effort to hide it from his friend. Whenever he'd managed to find himself in Elizabeth's company there was inevitably at least two of her sisters or her mother with her. It was as if Elizabeth were deliberately avoiding being left alone with him. This, of all the possibilities open to him, was the most painful of all. If this were the case, and she no longer wanted to involve herself with him, then he had no choice but to leave Netherfield and Elizabeth behind, never to return, for to return to Charles' home would be the ultimate torture for him. To be near her, see her, and not be able to have her was a feeling he never wanted to experience.

Twice during the week the ladies were to come to Netherfield for lunch, but each time Elizabeth failed to make an appearance. Jane said it was because she wasn't feeling well, but Will heard it for the excuse he knew it to be. The time they had spent together at Pemberley was indelibly imprinted on his memory. It was the most beautiful experience he'd ever had, but Elizabeth, obviously, did not feel the same way. Each time she avoided him, he could feel a knife drive deeper into his heart. He wanted to confront her, to demand an answer to his questions; why? What had happened to cause her to regret that summer afternoon they had spent together? But he couldn't do that in the presence of others, and she was never alone with him.

Will was also painfully aware that Charles knew how he was suffering. This only served to make him feel worse. Charles hardly needed the added worry of catering to a lovesick friend when he should be concentrating on his own heart's interest.

Will glanced at his watch and sighed. He had procrastinated as long as he could. Now it was time to face the final test.

He left the window embrasure where he had stationed himself, and went in search of Charles. He found the prospective groom vainly attempting to tame his unruly hair into order.

"Give it up, Charles!" Will laughed. "The more you mess with it the worse it will get."

Charles grunted. "Well, at least it's only the rehearsal. Tomorrow I'll have it tamed!" He looked at his friend. "Ready?"

Will nodded and together they left the house behind, on the road to the church.

The Bennets were already there, assembled together in the front pews. The vicar greeted Charles and Will as they approached up the aisle. For the most part, the evening was a blur for Will. He stood where he was directed to stand, moved when told to, and said the right words at the appropriate times. He could hear Elizabeth's voice although he couldn't see her from where he stood. Finally it was time for the happy couple to make their way back up the aisle to leave the church. This was the moment Will was waiting for, when Elizabeth would take his arm and they would follow Charles and Jane to the doors of the church.

As he turned to face her, Will sought to meet Elizabeth's eyes, but they were lowered. As directed, they stepped toward one another and she took his proffered arm, but still she did not lift up her head. It wasn't until they reached the great oak doors that Elizabeth finally turned to face him. Her smile was strained and he felt his heart sink lower. Still he desperately clung to the bare threads of hope. There was always tomorrow.

Tomorrow he would find a chance to get her alone.

Elizabeth opened her eyes to face the day.

I will not allow myself to dwell on him today. I will focus on Jane, and Jane alone.

She dragged herself from the bed and pulled on something comfortable to wear down to breakfast. The house was a bustle of activity, most of it useless as her mother ran from one room to another screeching at her daughters to 'get your skates on! We don't have all day!'

Elizabeth slipped past Kitty's door, where their mother was waving her arms about in a very good imitation of a windmill, and made it to the breakfast room unseen. Jane was already finishing up her toast, or what little of it she had managed to eat. Smiling at her sister, Elizabeth poured out a cup of tea.

"Nervous, Jane?"

Jane sighed. "I wouldn't be if Mama would just take some medication and calm down."

They both laughed. Elizabeth sat down next to Jane and took her hand. "I'll slip something in her tea, okay? Some arsenic maybe?"

"Oh, Lizzie! Stop it!" Jane took a sip from her own cup. "I'll just keep reminding myself that this is my last breakfast in this house."

Elizabeth's smile faded at that remark. "I'm going to miss you, Jane."

"I'll miss you too, Lizzie."

"No you won't! You'll have Charles to keep you entertained!" Elizabeth teased. "Then again, I could come over to Netherfield every day for my breakfast."

Jane gave her a withering glare. "Don't you dare, Elizabeth Bennet!"

"Don't worry, Jane. I'll wait until the honeymoon period is over first."

They finished their breakfasts amid giggles and made their exit from the dining room before Mrs. Bennet managed to waylay them.

Before they knew it, it was time to leave for the church. Elizabeth admired Jane's flawless beauty in her wedding gown as they waited for the car to pull around to the door. After everyone was settled in, the driver pulled away and, in a very few minutes, they were in front of the church.

"There's still time to change your mind." Mr. Bennet smiled at his eldest daughter as he helped her from the car.

"Not a chance, Papa." Jane grinned.

They climbed the steps to the front doors and prepared to enter. Elizabeth gave Jane another quick hug and slipped in first.

There was a hush as Elizabeth peeked around a corner into the main body of the church. Most of the pews were filled and the gentlemen were already waiting at the altar. In a minute Jane was ready, and the music began.

With dinner over the plates had been cleared. Charles led Jane to the floor for their first dance together as husband and wife.

Elizabeth felt her eyes well up at the sight of her beloved sister so happy. Jane was radiant as she gazed into Charles' face, and he had a smile so wide that there was barely room for it. Elizabeth quelled the urge to glance at Will; their own dance would shortly follow.

Jane had chosen a soft, romantic piece for their dance, typical of her quiet but emotional nature. The guests gathered around the couple, snapping photos and sighing over the lovely sight they made together. All too soon the song ended and it was time for the rest of the wedding party to join them on the dance floor.

Elizabeth looked up at Will as he met her in the middle and placed one arm gently around her waist. She put her other hand in his and they began to move to the opening bars of the music.

The song was familiar to Elizabeth. She recognized it as one that she'd heard from Jane's room, late at night, through the winter months after Charles had left. But, although she'd heard the tune time and again, the lyrics caught her by surprise.

I
Awoke from a dream last night to find
An image of you still in my mind
A kiss by the playground swings
A tender age
I turned the page
To things
I should know better than to feel
It's only the dream that makes you real
That time is so far away
But now it seems
You're in my dreams to stay

One afternoon
A matter of moments
We walked along the wall
And now we hide this side in December
Were we really there at all
I wouldn't dream
If I had a picture
If I could see your eyes
Still it is a matter of moments
A question of the time gone by

A lump rose in her throat as she danced in Will's arms, her heart breaking. She longed to lay her head against his chest, to snuggle into the warmth of his embrace. A quick glance at his face dashed her brief hopefulness. His expression was tight, his eyes closed. He wants to be as far away from me as possible.

Light
Taking you back before it's time
Erasing the world I left behind
The end of a winter's day
A young girl's eyes
A boy who tries
To say
Half of the things he feels inside
Thanking the night so dark and wide
Do you remember when
A star could dance
Let's take that chance again

One afternoon
A matter of moments
We walked along the wall
And now we hide this side in December
Were we really there at all
I wouldn't dream
If I had a picture (I wouldn't dream about you)
If I could see your eyes
Still it is a matter of moments
A question of the time gone by

I can't stand much more of this! Lord, why do you torture me so? Have I asked for so much? How could you let me taste such happiness and then take it away? Will kept his eyes closed and tilted his head slightly to the left. The scent of Elizabeth's hair was permeating his senses. The only escape would be the end of this dance.

Cold days
Fine days
My last ones as a child
Old ways
These days
I can recall your smile

Lord, please let it end soon! Will begged. If this goes on much longer I won't be able to stop myself from pulling her closer... from kissing her..... from................

One afternoon
A matter of moments
We walked along the wall
And now we hide this side in December
Were we really there at all (now that you're far away)
I wouldn't dream
If I had a picture (I wouldn't dream about you)
If I could see your eyes
Still it is a matter of moments
A question of the time gone by

As the last strains of the music died away Will's arms released Elizabeth, and she watched him quickly walk away from her. Her heart sank into the pit of her stomach and she slowly walked back to the table to sit down.

Will found the nearest exit and fled into the cool dark night. He walked with quick, long strides, circling the fountain in the town square at least four times before slowing his pace. As he came even with the bench he sank down onto it and dropped his face into his hands.

When Will returned to the reception he went straight to the bar and ordered a large whiskey. Glass in hand, he snaked his way along the outside wall of the room. Catching sight of Elizabeth, his eyes narrowed as he followed her figure on the dance floor with some young chap whose face he remembered from earlier in the evening. His heart hardened with jealousy and his gaze swept over the room in search of a dance partner of his own. He spied Jane on the other side of the room and recalled that he had yet to take a turn with the bride.

Will tossed down the rest of his drink and approached her.

"May I have this dance?" He gallantly held out his hand to Jane and bowed.

She flashed him a wide smile and followed him onto the floor.

"You look especially lovely today, Jane." Will said as he drew her closer in the dance. "Almost makes me wish I was getting married myself, if I were so lucky to have a bride as beautiful."

Jane looked up at him in astonishment. "Why, Will! What a sweet thing to say! And I might add that you certainly cut a fine figure yourself in those tails."

"Then perhaps I'll take advantage of my appeal and chat up some of the ladies this evening." Will said drily.

Jane laughed. "There are plenty of women here who'd love to hear that!"

But not the one I want, he thought grimly.

"Of course," she continued. "That all depends on what you're looking for; comfort for your life, or comfort for the night!"

Now there's a thought, he mused bitterly. "Any suggestions then, Jane?" He asked with a wry smile.

"Oh, no! I don't play the matchmaker. You'll have to choose for yourself." Jane paused. "But, in case you've forgotten, you'll have the house to yourself for the rest of the weekend."

Will looked down into her face. He nearly laughed at her expression; eyebrows raised suggestively in his direction. "I'll keep that in mind." he grinned.

The newlyweds were seen off, the crowd gathered at the door to wish them well. Will stood in the carpark as they drove away. A few people were making their way to their own vehicles to head home.

"Will?" came a soft voice from behind him.

Will turned around to see Fiona, a young lady he'd danced with several times during the night, standing close to him. She stepped even closer and he could feel the warmth of her body next to his.

"Are you leaving, now?" she asked in a low voice.

Will recalled those dances vividly. He had singled her out of the available women since she bore the least physical resemblance to Elizabeth of anyone present. Their time on the dance floor was heated and seductive, Fiona's tall willowy body wrapped around his own.

Instead of waiting for his answer, Fiona pressed her body against him and fixed her mouth on his. The kiss was aggressive, and Will responded equally. His hands slid along her back and up her neck to pull her closer still. He pushed aside the intruding images of Elizabeth, concentrating on the physical, for that's all this was; a purely physical need. But his emotional needs were too strong, and they overrode his determination.

Will forcefully pushed Fiona away from him. "No. I'm sorry, but no."

Fiona looked puzzled a moment, but then smiled slyly and ran her hands along his chest. "I know you want me as much as I want you, Will." she purred as her fingers worked on the buttons of his shirt. "We could have a good time together." Her lips pressed on his bare chest. "I promise you won't be disappointed." she whispered as her hands moved lower.

Will grabbed her arms and swung around to press her against the side of the car. Leaning into her, he kissed her again, hungrily this time.

But Elizabeth was there once more! He couldn't shake the recurring images of her from his mind, and growling with pent-up frustration, he whirled away from Fiona. She put a hand on his shoulder and pulled him around to face her.

"Don't tease me like this, Will. I didn't spend half the night dancing with you just to go home alone. I know you want it, and I can give you anything you like."

Will blinked and suddenly recognized the calculating look on this woman's face. Good God, I've spent half my life avoiding women like this, and here I very nearly fell right into her trap! What an idiot! I was risking everything for a bit of physical gratification and to soothe my battered ego.

Fiona realized she'd lost her opportunity. Seeing a group of people approaching in their direction she decided to make her retreat. But first she would need to save her dignity.

Will's face felt the stinging heat of her slap.

"What kind of a girl do you take me for?" she cried then stalked away to her own car.

Will watched her go, and turned back to see a group of men had stopped several feet away from him, eyeing him warily. Will recognized Elizabeth's father and uncles amongst the group.

Without a word he slipped into his car and started it up. Slamming it into gear he sped away, back to Netherfield, away from Meryton and away from his pain.

Note: The song is 'A Matter of Moments' by Monkeyhouse.( and incidentally the first time I've ever added a song into one of my stories!)

Chapter Two

Posted on Friday, 19 March 1999

"I have the results of your test, Miss Bennet. It's positive."

Positive. "Thank you," Elizabeth managed to say. "Thank you." She replaced the receiver slowly and simply stood there, unseeing.

Pregnant. I'm pregnant.

Her hand rose involuntarily to rest against her belly. A small smile appeared on her face, then quickly faded. Although she had expected this answer, hearing the nurse say the word 'positive' brought it home abruptly.

What am I going to say to Will? I don't even know if he wants to speak to me!

Her mother's voice sliced into her thoughts. "Who was that on the phone, Lizzie?"

"Oh, just someone from one of my classes," Elizabeth replied airily. Mama will have a fit when she finds out! She hurriedly excused herself on the pretext of having an assignment to write and retreated to her room. Once there, she closed the door and leaned her back against it.

What am I going to do? I really need to talk to Jane, but she won't be back for another week.

Elizabeth crossed the room to peer out the window at the rain coming down. She couldn't help remembering that afternoon with Will; how kind and gentle he had been when they'd made love, particularly after she'd told him it was her first time. She had believed him when he said that he never wanted that day to end, that he never wanted her to leave. And she had felt the same way.

Then she recalled his cold and distant manner only a week ago at Jane's wedding and ground her teeth in frustration. When she'd seen him in the carpark with Fiona Miller she'd wanted to die. It was a well-known fact that Fiona had slept with at least half of the men in Meryton, starting with her Geography teacher when she was sixteen. Now there was a woman looking for a ladder to climb. The thought of her with Will.......

Elizabeth squeezed her eyes together to shut out the image.

I'll have to tell him the next time he comes to visit Charles. I can't tell him over the phone! I'm not even sure if this is something he wants to hear at all! That was not an idea she wished to entertain at the moment. Just because she was thrilled, scared but thrilled nonetheless, at the prospect of having his baby was no reason to suppose that Will would feel the same way; especially in light of his recent .... attachment.

Her hands slid over her belly once again and she looked down.

"Well, little one, we'll see when your father shows up again. Whatever happens, I'll still have you."

She decided against saying anything to her parents until she'd had a chance to speak with Jane and gain an ally. By the end of the following week, when her sister and Charles had returned from their honeymoon, Elizabeth's nerves were in tatters from keeping her worries to herself.

Jane was excited to see her and couldn't wait to tell her all about Italy. She'd had some of her pictures developed while they were there and was busily explaining the locales in the shots when she noticed that Elizabeth's attention was focussed somewhere else.

"Is something wrong, Lizzie?"

Elizabeth met her gaze, then looked away. "No.....yes..... Not wrong, exactly.... oh--"

Jane grabbed Elizabeth's hand as her sister started to rise from her seat. "Lizzie? There is something wrong. Tell me."

Elizabeth sat down again. Biting her lip, she looked at Jane and said quietly, "I'm pregnant, Jane."

Jane stared at her for a moment. "I didn't hear that right...... did I?" Elizabeth nodded. "Lizzie, when did this happen? When did you find out?"

"I went to the clinic last week."

"Do Mama and Papa know yet?"

Elizabeth shook her head slowly. "No. I needed to talk to you first. Oh, Jane, how am I going to tell them? You know how Mama is going to react, and Papa will be--"

"Lizzie!" Jane interrupted.

Elizabeth quieted and turned her gaze on their clasped hands.

"Lizzie," Jane said in a more controlled tone. "I wasn't aware that you were seeing anyone. You never told me." She paused. "Who is the father?"

Elizabeth got up to walk about the room. "I'd rather not say at the moment. I haven't told him yet."

Jane's brow furrowed in concern. "You think he might not ---"

"I don't want to talk about him!" Elizabeth said sharply.

Drawing in a deep breath and letting it out in a sigh, Jane said, "All right, Lizzie. Have you considered the options open to you?"

"Options? What do you mean?"

Jane looked at her seriously. "Have you considered a termination?"

"No!" Elizabeth replied vehemently. "That is not an option, Jane!"

"Okay, Lizzie. I thought as much, but I'd be doing you a disservice if I didn't ask." Jane patted the cushion beside her. "Come sit down. We can talk properly that way."

Elizabeth did as she was told. "Jane," her voice was pleading. "Not a word of this to Charles, okay? It's just between you and me until I tell our parents."

"If that's the way you want it, Lizzie, I'll respect your wishes." Jane's mind was racing, trying to puzzle out who her sister was involved with. "You've obviously had some time to think about what you're going to do. What have you decided?"

"I was thinking about transferring to another university."

"Why?"

"To get away from Mama's ravings, Jane! You're lucky enough that you'll never be on the receiving end of one of her tirades, but I've heard them far too often. I'm not hanging about here to listen to that every day!"

Jane couldn't really blame her for that. "But if you marry him --" She stopped at the look on Elizabeth's face, recalling that the subject of the baby's father was off-limits. "That's not an option either, then?" she bravely persisted.

"I told you he doesn't know, yet. But regardless, I'll not be staying at Longbourn."

"Lizzie, when is the baby due?"

Elizabeth closed her eyes. "May."

Jane did some quick calculating in her head. That makes it last summer. Lizzie was all over the country during the summer....... Oh, Lizzie, why weren't you more careful? "You could finish out the year here before the baby's born. There's no need to transfer. You could even stay here at Netherfield with Charles and me."

Oh, that's all I need! If things don't work out with Will, I couldn't put Charles in the middle! "No Jane. I don't want to be within earshot of Mama. I'd rather be far away on my own."

Jane watched her silently for a few moments. "I see you've made up your mind. What is it you want me to do?"

"Just be with me when I tell them. Please?" Elizabeth's eyes begged her to comply.

"Of course I will, Lizzie." Jane hugged her sister to her tightly, reinforcing the promise of support. "You know I'll be right beside you whatever you decide."

"Thank you, Jane." Elizabeth felt tears stinging behind her eyes. "I knew I could count on you."

Charles let out his breath in relief. He didn't sound so bad, he thought. I was afraid he'd do something daft after what he'd said about drowning himself in that whiskey.

He stared at the telephone for a moment as he pondered what he might do to help Will. He just couldn't figure out why Elizabeth didn't like him, and how he may be able to get her to see his friend in a different light.

Although Will had said he was fine, he certainly sounded far from it. I'll have to invite him and Georgiana down at Christmas. I don't think he should be spending the season in isolation at Pemberley.

The more he thought about it, the better the idea seemed. Charles resolved to do as much as he could to paint Will in a favourable light to Elizabeth.

Mrs. Bennet's reaction to her news was exactly how Elizabeth envisioned it. Following her screaming fits of abuse at her daughter's 'deliberate act in defiance of her mother's wishes', Mrs. Bennet retreated to her room with a headache and a severe case of nerves. Elizabeth did not expect to see her until the next morning.

Her father, on the other hand, merely gazed at her sadly. This hurt her worse than all of her mother's comments, for she knew that she was her father's favourite and that her troubles wounded him deeply.

The combination of her mother's tirades and her morning sickness was enough to drive Elizabeth to her room every day. However, she couldn't afford that luxury. She still had classes to attend, but circumstances at home compelled her to immediately investigate her idea of transferring her studies.

Of all the universities open to her, Elizabeth hoped she would be accepted at Manchester. A tiny voice in her head whispered the absurdity of the notion, that she was clinging to a fantasy that if she was closer to Will, he would be more receptive to seeing her again.

Mr. Bennet pulled a few strings, as he still had some connections within the academic community, and the transfer went through. Elizabeth would be leaving Longbourn after Christmas.

When she received the letter confirming it, Elizabeth went immediately to Netherfield to give Jane the news.

"I'm happy you got what you wanted, Lizzie, but I don't really want to see you go."

Elizabeth smiled sadly at her sister. "I don't want to leave you either, Jane, but I don't have a choice you know. It's just intolerable with Mama! She whines and complains... and if she says one more thing about what a lowlife excuse for a man my baby's father is, then I won't be responsible for my actions!"

"You haven't told them who it is? Lizzie, do you intend to tell anyone?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "No, Jane. I'd appreciate it if you'd just drop that subject."

"Okay. I haven't told Charles yet about you being pregnant, but I suppose that now you're going away I can tell him?"

"Yes, Jane. You can tell him. I'm surprised he hasn't heard Mama's screams from here."

Jane smiled slightly. "He's been at work most of the week, Lizzie."

"Jane?" They heard Charles' voice in the hallway. "Where are you Jane?"

"Speak of the devil." Jane grinned. "In here, Charles!" she called.

Charles came through the door in a rush. "Oh, here you are. And Lizzie too!" He kissed Jane and gave Elizabeth one on the cheek as well. "Jane, did you hear from Will today?"

"No. Should I have?"

"Blast that man!" Charles grumbled. "He promised to get back to me ages ago about whether he and Georgiana were coming here for Christmas. I guess I'll have to ring him back myself."

"Perhaps he's just busy." Jane suggested.

"Yeah, right!" Charles said sarcastically. "If it was anyone else I'd think he had a woman stashed up there with him."

"Maybe he does." Elizabeth spoke up.

Charles laughed. "I was joking, Lizzie. Will isn't the type of chap to do that."

"He seemed to be rather cosy with Fiona Miller at your wedding." Elizabeth raised her eyebrows at Jane. "You know what she's like." Fishing, you're fishing. Careful, Elizabeth Bennet.... you might catch something you don't want.

Jane turned quickly to her husband. "Oh Charles, you'd better find out if Lizzie's right. Will could be in big trouble if he's taken up with Fiona. If ever there was a woman hunting for a rich husband, Fiona is it. Darn it!" she scolded herself. "And I encouraged him to find someone at the reception since he'd be alone here that night."

Jane! How could you do that? Elizabeth stared at her sister, feeling somewhat betrayed.

"No I think he's safe there, Jane. He didn't bring anyone home with him that night, and he left right after breakfast the next morning."

Jane laughed. "What, were you checking up on him?"

Charles blushed a little. "No I wasn't. I just asked the staff when he left, is all. He seemed a bit down and I was a little concerned."

"A bit down?" Jane asked, clearly disbelieving. "He didn't seem that way to me. We had a lovely conversation while we danced at the reception. He was quite charming and flirtatious. That's why I encouraged him to seek out the ladies. I was sure he'd be quite a hit with them in the mood he was in."

Charming and flirtatious? Elizabeth wondered if she and her sister had danced with the same man that night. "Must be why Fiona attached herself to him."

"I didn't see him with anyone." Charles said, attempting to deflect this roguish image of his friend.

Jane snapped her fingers. "Yes, you did. They were dancing a few times. Very cosy indeed, Lizzie!" she added with a nod.

Elizabeth felt compelled to add, "And I saw them together in the carpark after you left."

"In the carpark?" Charles asked. "What were they doing in the carpark?"

Jane and Elizabeth looked at him incredulously.

"With Fiona it could have been anything." Jane finally said.

Elizabeth blushed. "I assure you it was nothing so indecent, Jane. They were kissing." The sight of Will's arms around Fiona, holding her tightly to him, their mouths joined in a frenzied kiss was still crystal clear in her memory. That night she had immediately run back into the hall to avoid witnessing any more. The fact that neither one of them had returned had haunted her for days.

"Charles, call Will now. I want to be sure Fiona didn't catch her claws in him. She's bad news for a man in his position." Jane pointed to the door.

"Okay, I'm going." Charles left them in the drawing room and went to his study to use the phone.

Mrs. Reynolds recognized his voice and told him that Will was in. Still, it was a good ten minutes before he picked up.

"What do you want, Charles?"

"Well, hello to you, too!"

"Hello. Now what do you want?"

Charles refused to be put off by his friend's rudeness. "I hear you picked up a lady friend while you were down here."

There was a silence from the other end. Then Will spoke slowly and quietly. "And if I did?"

"Jane was worried that she might be someone.... shall we say.... unhealthy for you. She asked me to warn you."

"I don't pick women who are healthy for me, Charles. You should know that by now." Again Will was silent.

Charles licked his lips nervously. "Did you take her back to Pemberley with you?"

Will laughed. It was not a pleasant sound. "This is that Fiona woman we're discussing, isn't it?"

"Um... yes."

. "Good God, Charles! Do you take me for an idiot? Of course I didn't bring her here! And not that it's any of your business, I didn't take her to London, either, when I left your place on Sunday."

Charles held the receiver away from his ear. He could still hear Will's heated reply from that distance.

"I've been fending off her kind since I was fifteen years old! Don't you think I recognize it by now?"

"Calm down, Will! We were only trying to help. We didn't want to see you used. And I know things didn't go the way you wanted with Elizabeth. I was afraid you might have done something you'd regret."

There was a long period of silence before Will spoke again. "Tell Jane I appreciate her concern, but she needn't worry. And neither should you. I can take care of myself."

Charles let out a sigh of relief. "Say, have you decided about Christmas yet?"

"Christmas? I don't know, Charles. I don't feel much like celebrating. I wouldn't want to spoil your holiday."

"It's still weeks away. You might feel better by then."

"I'll think about it. That's all I can promise."

"Then that's all I can ask." Charles said cheerfully. "Don't be a stranger, Will. You know you're welcome anytime at Netherfield."

"Yeah, thanks Charles. I have to go. Mounds of paperwork to finish. Thanks for the call."

"Liar." Charles said. "Call anytime you want to talk."

"About what?"

"Forget it." Charles dropped the subject. "I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

Charles rejoined his wife and her sister in the drawing room.

"Your concern was unwarranted, my dear. Will saw through her right away. He's safe enough."

"Thank goodness!" Jane exclaimed. "I'd hate to see him stuck in a trap of her design. I like Will." She looked at her sister. "He really is a nice chap, Lizzie. I don't know why you think otherwise." She turned to her husband again, missing the sorrowful look in Elizabeth's eyes. "Did I tell you the lovely compliments he gave me at the reception?"

"Yes, dear, you did." Charles smiled. "And I believe I told you he was sincere and not just flattering you as you thought. Will never says anything he doesn't mean."

"Excuse me." Elizabeth said and quickly left the room.

Charles stared after her in surprise.

"Don't mind Lizzie, she's a bit on edge." Jane stood up and walked over to Charles. She brushed the stray curls back from his forehead.

"Is she worried about her exams coming up? She should be writing the first ones in a couple of weeks."

"It's not her exams." Jane met his eyes with a serious expression. "Lizzie's expecting a baby, Charles."

"She's pregnant?" He looked at Jane incredulously. "Who is he?"

Jane shrugged her shoulders. "She won't say. I suspect that he's not interested and Lizzie's protecting him, though why she should is beyond me."

Charles gritted his teeth. "What kind of a man would do that?" He paced to the other side of the room and whirled around to answer his own question. "I'll tell you what kind; irresponsible, selfish.... uncaring! How did your sister ever get involved with such scum? I thought she had more sense!"

"Charles....."

"If I find out who he is I'll track him down and teach him a thing or two about responsibility." Charles growled as he smacked one fist against his open palm.

"Charles, don't be saying things like that in front of Lizzy." Jane cautioned. "I'm sure she hears enough from our mother. Besides, that's not the whole of it. She's moving to Manchester for the new year."

"What's in Manchester? Not this bloke who --"

Jane sighed. "She's transferred her course to Manchester U. I don't know where the father is from."

"Why isn't she staying here?"

"Charles, you know how Mama is." Jane explained. "She always finds fault with anything Lizzie does. This has probably sent her right over the edge."

Charles nodded. "True. I just wish there was something we could do. You have no idea who this chap is?"

Jane shook her head. "Thank you for being so understanding about it."

"Jane, with no brothers to look after your sisters, how could I be anything else? How are we to look after her, though, if she's so far away?"

"Papa is going to take her up there next week to look for a flat." Jane's eyes were starting to fill up with tears. "I'm so worried about her, Charles. She's not going to have anybody."

Charles drew her close to him and wrapped his arms about her. "She'll have us, Jane. She'll always have us."

Georgiana gently pushed open the study door. Peering around the edge of it she could see her brother at his desk. His back was to her and she softly called his name. At the sound of her voice, Will hurriedly put something away in a drawer and turned his chair to face her.

"Yes, Georgiana?"

"Dinner is ready. Shall I tell them to wait a few more minutes?" She noticed the tired look about his eyes and wondered what might be troubling him.

Will laid his head back and sighed. "No, I'll be along shortly. You start without me."

Georgiana nodded but remained where she was.

Will looked at her. "Was there something else?"

She stepped closer, hands behind her back. "I was wondering...."

Will's eyebrows rose. "Yes?"

Georgiana shyly lowered her eyes. "I was invited to spend Christmas with my friend Sharon and her family. They're going to Greece."

Will smiled. "And you'd like to go?" His sister nodded. "Of course you may go."

"But what about you? I don't want to leave you here all alone." Georgiana looked at him sadly.

Will stood and crossed the room to stand in front of her. "Oh, don't worry about me. Charles invited me, actually he invited both of us, to Netherfield for the holidays." He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up to meet his eyes. "So you can go to Greece with Sharon and not think about me at all."

Georgiana smiled brightly. "Thank you Will! You're the best brother in the world!" She threw her arms around him and hugged him fiercely.

"Hey, what's this?" Will pulled her arms from around his neck to see what was in her hand.

"Oh, I forgot! This package came for you a few minutes ago." She handed the small parcel into his hand.

Will glanced at the return address on the label and closed his eyes. "Thanks, Georgie. You run along to dinner and I'll join you soon."

Georgiana puzzled over his abrupt mood change, but did as he suggested. At the doorway she paused and looked back.

Will had returned to his desk, but he stood beside it staring at the package in his hand. His shoulders rose and fell as he heaved a great sigh, then the package slipped from his fingers into the rubbish bin at his feet. As she watched, her brother sat down heavily in his chair and leaned forward to rest his arms on the surface of the desk. Then he slowly lowered his head onto them.

Georgiana bit her lip and debated whether to approach him or not. Eventually she decided on the latter, and quietly closed the door as she left him alone.

It was at least twenty minutes before he appeared in the dining room. Georgiana was relieved to see a smile on his face, even if it wasn't particularly cheerful. They conversed pleasantly enough through the meal, although it was Georgiana who carried most of it. Will reminding her of the upcoming trip sent her into non-stop commentary on the sights and activities awaiting her and her friend.

Will took his coffee into the music room to listen to his sister play the piano. It wasn't enough of a distraction, however, as his mind was on the small parcel in his study. He recalled the shock when he had recognized the name of the artisan who had sent it. He had completely forgotten about it and wished he could as easily forget the lady for whom the gift had been intended. Not that I've been trying very hard, he berated himself. So, now all I have left of my hopes is a sculpture and a scarf; both of which were destined for Elizabeth.

Abruptly, he rose from his seat and headed straight for his study. Once there, he closed the door and quickly retrieved the parcel from the rubbish bin. For a moment he fingered the seams of the wrapping, as if to open it. But then he pulled open a bottom drawer of the desk and carefully placed the package inside, under some loose papers.

Will stood for a moment, unmoving, then pulled open another drawer and withdrew the other object of his reverie. The likeness was excellent. Will smiled slightly. He preferred to remember Elizabeth like this; carefree and playful. This he would keep, as painful a reminder as it was.

He carefully wrapped it up in a soft cloth and placed it gently in the top drawer.

Straightening up, he glanced around the room. Then he squared his shoulders, let out his breath and rejoined his sister.

Chapter 3

Posted on Monday, 22 March 1999

"Oh, Jane! You should see the flat I've got!" Elizabeth was beaming from ear to ear. "It's got a gorgeous view of the park from the bedroom window, and a cozy living room. The kitchen is a galley type, but it has loads of cupboards!"

"Sounds like it suits you, Lizzie." Jane laughed at her.

"You'll have to come up and visit me right away."

"I promise it won't be too long before I come." Jane grinned as she passed a garland to her sister. "Here, make yourself useful."

Elizabeth took the garland and began winding it around the spindles of the staircase. "Are you sure you want everyone here for Christmas, Jane? It's an awful lot of bother, especially when you're working, too."

Jane laughed again. "Lizzie, that's why we have lots of staff here. I only have to do the planning, and the stuff I want to do."

"Like decorating?" Elizabeth made a face.

"Yes, like decorating!"

"Oooh!" Elizabeth suddenly stopped what she was doing, a shocked and surprised expression on her face.

Jane dropped her own garland and rushed over. "What is it? Are you alright?"

Elizabeth turned a delighted smile on her sister. "I just felt the baby move! I've never felt it before. There it goes again!" She laughed, and her eyes sparkled. "Wow, what an incredible sensation Jane!"

Jane relaxed and picked up the decoration from the floor. "We'll see what you're saying about it in another four months." she said with a grin.

Elizabeth made another face at her. "I don't hear a word you're saying, Jane. I'm looking forward to every minute of this pregnancy."

"Oh ho!" Jane cried. "Now we really will see what you say when you reach labour and delivery!"

Elizabeth's expression changed. "Oh. I'd forgotten about that part for a minute." She shrugged her shoulders. "If Mama could go through it five times with her nerves, I'm sure I can cope once." she said matter-of-factly.

They both giggled.

The telephone rang and they heard Charles yell from the other end of the long hallway.

"I'll get it!"

He dashed into the study to pick up the extension there. "Yes, hello?"

"Charles?"

"Will! Fancy you calling me! I thought you'd forgotten my existence."

"Very funny." The sarcasm was heavy in Will's voice.

"So are you coming next week?" Charles' mind was racing with the possible complications if the answer were yes.

"No, no. Not this year. Thanks anyway." Will's tone sounded easy enough.

"Oh. Why not?" Charles asked.

"Well, Georgiana wanted to do something special, so...... we're going away."

Charles felt a little more relieved that his friend was getting out and doing something. "Where are you going?"

There was a slight pause. "Here and there. She wanted to go to Greece."

"Greece, eh? Sounds nice. Then you'll travel around from there?"

"Yeah, that's the idea."

"Sounds wonderful, Will. I'm sure you'll have a great time. Jane will miss you, though. She really wanted you both to come, but I'll tell her that the lure of Europe was too much for you!" Maybe you'll find someone to help you forget Elizabeth.

"Thanks, Charles." Will said. "Give my love to Jane and...... my best wishes to her family."

"Will do. Call me when you get back?"

Will agreed and they said their goodbyes.

Charles leaned back in his chair. Well, hopefully that will be the end of it. I must admit I'm glad he's not coming after all. I can't imagine how he'd feel to find out Elizabeth's pregnant. At least with her out of town, when he comes to visit in the future they won't be crossing paths. In that case, there's no need for him to know about her condition. Maybe when he puts all of this behind him I'll be able to tell him.

He rose from his seat and rubbed his hands together. I'm sure it's best all around this way.

He went to tell his wife the news and pass on Will's message.

"Of course I'll drive you to the airport. Luton, isn't it?" Will waited for his sister's reply.

"Yes, but you're sure it's not out of your way?"

"Hardly, Georgiana. It's practically on the way to Netherfield."

"That's brilliant! You can drop me off and continue on to Charles and Jane's." Georgiana's excitement about her trip was growing in leaps and bounds. She didn't wait for a reply before continuing, which was just as well as far as Will was concerned. He'd already decided to head straight for London after seeing her off.

When the time came to leave Pemberley for the airport, Will made sure that Mrs. Reynolds understood that the staff was to have time off to be with their own families, and only the most essential tasks were to be maintained in his absence. He would leave his mobile phone on at all times in case she needed to contact him. She was not to call him at the Netherfield number. Both he and Georgiana would return in three weeks.

"Happy Christmas, Miss Georgiana, Mr. Darcy. And a happy new year to you, too!" the housekeeper wished them at the door.

Georgiana and Will echoed her sentiments and took their leave.

Will had very little to say during their drive, but his sister took no notice as she merrily chattered away. When they reached the airport, he escorted her into the terminal where they met Sharon and her parents. After conversing with them over a coffee in the airport restaurant, Will wished his sister an enjoyable trip, whispered in her ear that he'd slipped her gift into her case when she wasn't looking, and said his goodbyes.

He pointed his car toward London.

Even a house the size of Netherfield wasn't big enough by Elizabeth's reckoning. She could still hear her mother's voice wherever she went.

All of the guests had arrived and Christmas dinner was about to be served. Jane had done a fantastic job in her decorating, and the menu promised to be beyond compare! She and Charles looked so happy and contented in their home.

"Shall we all go into the dining room now?" Charles called out.

Everyone followed him through the double doors and took their seats according to the place markers. Elizabeth threw her sister a grateful look when she found herself at the opposite end of the table from their mother.

They were finished the soup course and the dishes were being cleared for the next when Elizabeth heard her mother announce loudly,

"Oh, you are all aware that we are going to be grandparents later this year?"

Elizabeth's gaze dropped to her plate, but everyone else's turned to Jane. A spate of congratulations began until Mrs. Bennet interrupted them impatiently.

"No, no, no! Jane is married. Lizzie is pregnant."

There was silence.

"Fanny! Really, you go too far." Mr. Bennet said hotly.

Elizabeth felt a hand on her arm. She looked up into the face of her Aunt Maddie.

"Is this true, Lizzie?" Elizabeth nodded. "Oh, Lizzie. We'll have a talk later if you like." She patted her niece's hand gently.

"Thank you, I would like that."

Not much more was said on that topic during the rest of the dinner. Fortunately for Elizabeth, the rest of her relatives had more sympathy for her feelings than her own mother apparently had. When at last they left the table, Elizabeth took her aunt aside with her to the library, where they could speak privately.

"Now tell me, Lizzie," her aunt began when they were seated on the sofa together. "How do you feel about this situation? Truthfully, now."

"Scared. Well, not as much now. I was terrified when I first found out, and no-one else knew." Elizabeth smiled a little. "I'm looking forward to it now, though."

"And how about the father? How does he feel?"

Elizabeth looked away. "He doesn't know."

"Lizzie!" Her aunt was disappointed in her response. "He has a right to know. Why haven't you told him?"

Her niece shrugged her shoulders. "I haven't seen him since I found out."

"That's hardly an excuse! Is there something wrong with the telephone?"

"I don't think he wants to see me. I mean, I don't know how to tell him." Elizabeth met her aunt's gaze. "I'm scared to tell him."

Aunt Maddie watched her silently for a moment. "Is this the result of a quick summer romance, Lizzie? With someone you weren't planning on seeing again? I knew I should have had a chat with you before you went on your holiday." She said the last more to herself.

"Don't blame yourself, Aunt Maddie." Elizabeth said quickly. "The fault is mine, and mine alone. I should have known better. I have no regrets."

"In that case, my dear niece, the only other thing I have to say is this. If you need anything, anything at all, just ask. Money, advice, a sympathetic ear; I'll be right here for you."

Elizabeth gave her aunt a great hug. Now she had another supporter, and the future didn't seem quite so dark.

"Lizzie, I miss you already. I wish you'd stayed for New Year's."

Elizabeth smiled even though her sister couldn't see her through the telephone. "Jane, it's so wonderfully quiet and peaceful here. Believe me, I'm looking forward to spending New Year's Eve snuggled up in my own flat all by myself. Don't go feeling sorry for me. I'm quite happy already."

"I'll be thinking about you at midnight."

"I'll be thinking of you, too. You and Charles. You two have been so good to me the last couple of months. Thanks, Jane."

"Just remember," Jane said in all seriousness. "Ring us anytime you need something, or even if you just want to talk. Either one of us will be up there in a second if need be."

Elizabeth chuckled softly. "I'll be fine, Jane, but I promise to call you regularly. I'll still need our heart-to-hearts every once in a while."

"Me, too!" Jane laughed. "But I'll do the calling. You can't afford it." A voice called out in the background. "Drat, I have to run. I'll talk to you in a couple of days, okay?"

"Sure, Jane. Have a good evening with Charles."

"I have no doubt that I will, Lizzie!" Jane replied. "Happy New Year!"

"Happy New Year to you, too!"

Elizabeth sighed happily as she drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. She really was looking forward to spending the evening alone. She had decided that there were some things she still needed to sort out in her head. A new year was about to begin and she had to look forward, not back.

Elizabeth sighed again and went to the kitchen to make some tea. As she passed the sideboard she paused to look at the photos that Jane had given her. She smiled fondly at the one of herself and her sister. Jane had never looked lovelier than on her wedding day, and her face was radiant with joy.

Her eyes shifted to the family photo, poor Papa, surrounded by all of us women!, then to the last one; that of the wedding party. Naturally her gaze focused on Will.

He was so gorgeous that day. Her heart gave a little tug at the memory.

Reluctantly she looked away and continued on to the kitchen. As the tea was steeping, she busied herself with making a sandwich. When all was ready, she took her meal back to the other room. She debated on turning on the telly, then opted for some music instead. Seeking to lighten her mood, Elizabeth chose one of her livelier cd's and danced her way back to the sofa.

By the time her meal was finished the music had done its work, and she was cheerfully swaying her hips to the rhythm as she did the washing up. The last two songs of the cd saw her singing and dancing through the flat until the music came to an end.

In the ensuing silence she felt the now familiar flutter inside her and smiled.

"You liked that, did you? Shall we listen to more?"

She fingered through the collection. "Oh, Jane's mixed them up! There's at least six of hers in here." Elizabeth searched in vain for one of her favourites. "Darn it! She must have some of mine, too. Hmmm. What's this one?" She picked up an unfamiliar case and glanced over the titles on the back. "Well, let's just see what this one's like. I'm in the mood to try something new."

The first bars of the opening song sounded promising, and Elizabeth was soon moving about the room to the beat. The second song was also lively, and she was happily bouncing around. The tempo of the next few slowed down a bit but Elizabeth continued to sway her way around the furniture.

Finally, tired and thirsty, she grabbed a bottle of fruit juice from the kitchen and parked herself on the sofa, legs stretched along the cushions, feet tapping in rhythm.

"I think that's quite enough for awhile." she said, running a hand over her abdomen. "Here! You're wearing me out already and you haven't even been born yet!"

Elizabeth lay on the sofa, sipping her juice. Her eyes were closed as she listened to the music, a smile on her face as she could feel her baby moving under her hand. She was happy, contented and eagerly anticipating the year to come.

I've put Will behind me. I can think of him without that pain that used to consume me, she told herself. She had resolved that she could face him now. She'd also resolved to call him at Pemberley when he returned from Greece, and tell him that he was going to be a father. Her newfound independence and freedom filled her with self-confidence.

Whatever he says, I can handle.

Sighing contentedly, she snuggled into the cushions of the sofa as the cd changed to the next song.

Her eyes flew open as the first notes filled the room. She bolted upright as the lyrics swirled around her, tugging on her from every direction. A shock ran through her body, and all of the earlier confidence abandoned her as she felt herself in Will's arms once more, dancing at Jane's wedding, looking into his cold, expressionless face.

Elizabeth couldn't move, couldn't force her legs to carry her across the room to turn off the music, to end her torment.

I wouldn't dream
If I had a picture
If I could see your eyes
Still it is a matter of moments
A question of the time gone by

Elizabeth suddenly realized how much she had been fooling herself. She could never put Will out of her mind, out of her heart. He was entrenched within her very soul.

Do you remember when
A star could dance
Let's take that chance again

Elizabeth dropped to the floor, her body curling into a ball. She rocked herself, and the tears fell freely.

Will stared out at the sky over London. For a moment he allowed himself to think about Elizabeth, then as suddenly reprimanded himself for his foolishness.

Idiot! You're stepping into a new year. She won't be a part of your life. Face it. Just forget her. Put the past in the past.

He stepped away from the window, turning his back to it. His eyes swept over the room, and for the first time he realized how empty this flat was, how truly empty it felt. He spied the box on the floor and shook his head sadly.

I brought that here intending to drink myself into a coma after Charles' wedding. I never even opened a bottle.

He moved around the room, pacing from one end to the other, slowly, as he was wont to do at Pemberley when he couldn't sleep. Only, Pemberley had miles of hallway to walk, miles that he was intimately familiar with over the last two months.

He stopped in front of the box of whiskey bottles. For a moment he did nothing, merely stood there with his eyes closed. Then he reached down and pulled out the first bottle. He opened it and, not bothering with a glass, put it to his mouth and tipped it back. Then he resumed his pacing.

Make love to me, Will...... please.

Her words echoed in his head. He squeezed his eyes shut but it was of no use.

Please.... I want you, I need you to make love to me.

"Why won't you leave me alone!" he cried out bitterly. "You invade my every waking thought. I can't sleep because you're there, too."

He raised the bottle to his lips again. Once more he paced the room. This time he stopped before the portraits on the wall.

"Mum." he said quietly to the one on the left. "I know you would have loved her, too. I wish you'd met her." He gazed at the photo in silence. "I wish you were here to tell me what I should have done, where I went wrong."

Make love to me, Will...... please.

His eyes shifted to the photo on the wall next to his mother's. "I'm sorry, Dad. I guess the Darcy name stops here." He took another drink. "I know you'd understand. You and Mum loved each other. I just wanted the same kind of marriage for myself."

He turned away from the images of his parents and circled the room.

He was followed by memories of Elizabeth.

"Kiss me again." She was grinning at him. "I love it when you kiss me."

Will laughed at her. "Then I shall never stop. I would never want you to be unhappy."

"You are in danger of allowing just that if you don't shut up and kiss me right now!"

How could he refuse? The touch of her lips was electric, sending fire racing through his veins. He heard her soft moans and then her murmured request,

"Make love to me, Will...... please."

Elizabeth crumpled the tissue and tossed it onto the growing pile on the table beside her. Her tea had long since gone cold so she picked up her cup and returned it to the kitchen. A glance at the clock informed her that it was nearing midnight.

The new year. Out with the old, in with the new.

She was no longer sure in her mind what she would do about Will. She wanted to tell him, hoped he would be as happy as she was. She even fantasized that he'd take her in his arms, kiss her passionately and ask her to marry him.

But it's just a fantasy, she thought dejectedly. Most likely he'll think I'm after his money. After all, Lydia bilked him of a small fortune, Elizabeth sets her sights on the rest!

In the end the only decision she could come to was to wait until Will returned to visit Charles again. Then she would invite herself back home, making sure to meet up with Will and give him her news. She couldn't imagine ringing Pemberley and telling him over the telephone! Or, God forbid, descending upon his home to impart it in person! The former would be so cold and impersonal. As for the latter, how would she be able to look anyone in the eye if he threw her out of his home? No, she needed to tell him on neutral ground.

And until then, I'll just try not to think about Will. If I find myself dwelling on him and becoming depressed, I'll call Jane. That's what I'll do! I'll just call Jane when it gets to be too much.

Will found himself in front of the window again. From here he could see the fireworks over Greenwich. Hundreds of thousands of people were celebrating at this moment, but all he could see was an empty stretch of years.

An empty life ahead of him.

A life without Elizabeth.

No life at all.

He tipped back the whiskey bottle and let it run down his throat until he had to stop for air. Staggering back to his parents' portraits he stood in front of his father as if on trial.

"I love her, Dad. I love her more than anything else in this world. I love her and I can't have her. I'll never have her. How can I possibly go on, face another day, knowing she'll never be a part of my life?"

Will, my son.

Will whirled around, searching for the source of that voice.

Will, I need you to do something for me.

He sighed. It was only his mind playing tricks on him again. This time, instead of Elizabeth's voice, he recognized his father's, from the last time they had spoken before he died.

"Look after your sister, Will."

"Dad, you're going to be all right."

His father gazed sadly at him. "No, son. Not this time." His voice was very weak.

Will's own voice was strained as he said "You have to be all right, Dad. I can't look after Georgie on my own."

His father smiled tenderly. "Yes you can. I know you can, Will. You can do anything you set your mind to."

"I don't want to lose you, Dad." Will whispered.

"And I don't want to leave you, son. I was hoping to at least see my grandchildren before I died, but at least I'll be seeing your mother again."

Will felt a lump rise in his throat at the mention of his mother. "Tell her I miss her."

"I'm sure she knows." His father was tiring. "We'll always be with you, son. Whenever you need us."

Will looked away to hide his tears. "I'd better let you get some rest, Dad."

He turned to go, but his father's voice stopped him at the door.

"Bring Georgie with you when you come back, Will. I want to see her one last time."

Will nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Then he hurriedly left the room.

Elizabeth crawled under the blankets on her bed and closed her eyes. The tea had warmed her and now she felt the exhaustion from her crying earlier. She had brought the photo from the sideboard and placed it on her night table so that she could see Will's face whenever she opened her eyes.

He'll come to see Charles as soon as he's back in the country. It won't be long. Then whatever happens will happen. You'll deal with it Elizabeth Bennet. You'll just deal with it.

She rolled over on her side and gazed at the photo. She could barely keep her eyes open, she was so tired.

"Will, wherever you are........ I wish you could hear me. I wish you were here. I just want you to know....."

Will fingered the empty bottle and thought about getting another one, but the rest were on the other side of the room and he was quite comfortable where he was. He leaned his head back against the wall as he stretched his legs out on the floor in front of him. As long as he stayed still the room did the same.

He picked up the picture that was laying on the floor beside him. His finger traced over the faces of his mother, his father and Georgiana.

"Thanks, Dad. Thanks for reminding me of where my responsibilities lay. I'll look after Georgie, and I'll look after Pemberley. I'll make sure she never has to worry about her future. Pemberley will be hers." He let the picture fall from his grip as he leaned his head against the wall once more and closed his eyes. "I'll never forget Elizabeth, you know that. I'll never love anyone else. You know that, too."

You're too much like your mother......

Will grinned sleepily. "She always said I was too much like you."

She loves you, Will......

"Mum?" Will murmured as he started to slip into unconsciousness.

But it was Elizabeth's voice he heard in his head as the darkness claimed him.

I love you, Will Darcy..........

"....... and I always will." Elizabeth murmured as she fell asleep. One hand was resting on her belly, cradling the new little life inside of her.

The End

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