feelingsafe

Feeling Safe

By Vic Winter

Dobbs shoved his feet out from under the covers and

sat up, panting hard, his eyes darting, trying to see in the
darkness. It was pitch as deepest night, though, and he
couldn't make out anything, not even the hands in front
of his face.

He opened his mouth to scream and a huge hand

covered  it,  effectively  silencing  him.  His  panic
increased. They still had him. They were going to keep
torturing  him  and  he  was  pretty  damn  sure  he  couldn't
take  very  much  more.  The  body  attached  to  the  hand
pressed  up  behind  Dobbs,  warming  him  and  he  was  so

cold and that warmth felt so good and he almost sank
back into it instead of fighting it. Every muscle in his
body tensed.

A low voice murmured into his ear. "Shh. You're

safe, man. Remember? We rescued you and the others
two days ago."

The man holding him stayed still until Dobbs

remembered enough he knew the guy was telling the
truth. Every muscle in his body let go and he sagged
back against the man who wasn't his captor after all. The
guy relaxed as well and Dobbs' frantic breathing eased.

For a long moment all he could hear was his own

panting. It took a while to realize his savior was
murmuring in his ear. He couldn't make out the words
they were too quiet, but they were soothing. He started
to tremble, his whole body shaking with it.

"I can't... I'm sorry... I just..." He just couldn't stop.

The man behind him, the soldier behind him, held him
until the sun came up and the nightmares chasing Dobbs
finally subsided.

***

Dobbs knew his friends meant well, trying to set him

up with guys they knew, inviting him out to parties and
movies and shit. He knew they didn't understand that too
much noise, too many people; it kind of made him a
little nuts. It had been over a year and he should be over
his flashbacks already, right?

He wasn't though. And maybe he never would be;

that's what his therapist had told him. Better was a
relative term, as was normal, and there was every
possibility Dobbs had to readjust his definitions of both.
There was the possibility he might never feel completely
safe again, and he needed to learn to live with that.

Coming to the surprise party for Luanne had been a

monumental  mistake.  The  only  good  thing  he  could
think of that had come out of this was that now he knew
being one of the people jumping up and yelling surprise
was  pretty  bad,  maybe  not  as  bad  as  he  figured  being
surprised would have been, but still bad. Afterward, he'd
hidden  in  the  upstairs  bathroom  for  nearly  an  hour
before he managed to talk himself down.

"Never ever throw me a surprise party," he told Ben.

"I'm deadly serious man. I'd have like a heart attack or
something." That the or something would be a panic
attack of mammoth proportions, he kept to himself. His
friends didn't need to know just how easy it still was to
throw him for a loop.

He patted Ben on the back and went to the bar to

have a really stiff drink -- whiskey, neat, three fingers,
all pounded back in a single swallow. It burned and he
coughed and tears leaked from his eyes, but in short
order his nerves settled enough he decided to stay for the
present opening. Look at him being normal. Or at least
appearing to be.

The way to the door seemed mobbed after the present

opening, though there wasn't a rush to leave, just a lot of
people in a too-small space, so Dobbs poured himself
another couple of fingers of whiskey and slipped into
the dark quiet of the backyard.

It was chilly and he didn't have his coat, but he felt so

much better equipped to deal with a little cold than the
noise and the people. God, the people. Becoming a
recluse was sounding more appealing daily. Was that
going to be his new normal?

He sipped his whiskey and sighed, leaning back

against the huge poplar which dominated the yard, only
to jump out of his skin when a voice spoke from beside
him.

"Nice night, isn't it?"
Dobbs clapped his hand over his mouth to muffle his

unmanly shriek. He couldn't hold onto his glass, though,
or his stumble as he did his best to back away from the
owner of the voice as quickly as possible. His heart beat
frantically in his chest, like it was trying to punch its
way out of his body.

"Whoa there, I didn't mean to startle you." The hand

that appeared on his forearm was large and warm, the
voice low and soothing and Dobbs found himself
relaxing. He was okay; he was home; nobody was trying
to kidnap him.

"I really am sorry. I should know better than to sneak

up  on  a  man,  though  that  isn't  what  I  meant  to  do.  I
figured  if  I  didn't  say  anything  and  you  didn't  know  I
was  here,  I'd  be  lurking  and  that  would  be  kind  of
creepy."

"Yeah." Dobbs didn't know which would have been

worse, being watched without knowing it or what had
happened, the guy appearing out of nowhere and
startling him. Of course if he hadn't known he was being
watched... but still, now that he knew the guy was there,
he figured that would have been pretty creepy.

"It's okay. I'll be okay." The words were as much for

his benefit as the guy's.

"Yeah, I think so too."
The guy stepped out of the shadows and Dobbs' eyes

went wide. It was the soldier who'd rescued him. Well,
he'd been rescued by a team, but this guy had been the
one assigned to make sure he made it out, to guard his
life with the soldier's own.

"You." Oh, that had been clever of him.
The guy's mouth twisted into a half smile. "Bruce

McCarn." Bruce held out his hand.

Dobbs looked at the large hand for a moment. "Are

you stalking me?" Not that he really believed that, but it
was pretty weird, running into this guy in bumfuck
nowhere.

"Am I... no, I'm not stalking you. I was invited to the

party by Donna. I had no idea you'd be here. I didn't
even know this is where you lived."

"Oh. Okay, then. I guess you know I'm Bertram

Dobbsten,  but  everyone  calls  me  Dobbs."  He  grabbed
Bruce's  hand  and  shook  it  awkwardly.  He  remembered
the  feeling  of  this  hand  around  his  mouth,  and  on  his
arm just now. This hand had made him feel safe in the
most unsafe environment and it made him feel safe now.
"I actually live in the next little town over -- Bellard."

"And I'm the next town in the opposite direction,

Williamsburg."

Dobbs chuckled. He could remember how exotic

Williamsburg seemed when he was a teenager. He
imagined Bruce might have felt the same way about
Bellard. They were close in age, though, and it was kind
of surprising that they'd never run into each other before
this. On the other hand, he'd bet good money that Bruce
had been a jock while he'd been a nerdy little guy; they
wouldn't have travelled in the same circles.

"What are the odds?" Dobbs asked. They hadn't

talked about anything personal during his rescue. Hell,
they hadn't done much talking at all. Dobbs had been...
more than a little out of it, just happy to be free of his
captors and eager to get home.

"I don't know. There's a lot of places to come from.

Maybe it's fate." Bruce winked.

Dobbs had to agree. "Yeah. So are you on leave or

back for good?"

"On extended leave. I broke my foot."

Dobbs looked down and sure enough, Bruce's right

foot was wrapped in what looked like a walking cast.

"That sucks, man." Although, really, it meant Bruce

got to be home, right? That had to be the silver lining in
a broken bone.

Bruce shrugged. "I made it out alive, nothing sucks

about that." Grinning now, Bruce offered over his beer
and Dobbs took it, had a swig before passing the bottle
back.

Bruce drank after him and there was something

surprisingly intimate about that. Intimate enough that it
made him catch his breath slightly. Bruce met Dobbs'
eyes as he lowered the bottle, something flaring in the
man's eyes.

Bruce stepped forward and Dobbs didn't move, his

lips parting slightly. Bruce took another step, limping on
the walking cast. That prompted Dobbs to take the two
steps needed to close the distance between them.

Looking at him intently, Bruce cupped his face and

tilted it slightly, then brought their mouths together.
Dobbs' breath caught in his throat at that first touch of
lips to lips. Bruce's were warm and soft and felt so good
against his.

How long had it been since he'd been kissed? It felt

like forever, and if you'd asked him before this happened
he would have said he wasn't ready. It turned out that he
was.

He opened his mouth on a soft moan and Bruce's

tongue slipped in between his lips, pushing past his teeth
and over his tongue. It had Dobbs whimpering. The kiss
continued, Bruce sweeping through his mouth and
lighting up nerves. Every piece of Dobbs went tight. He
couldn't breathe.

When Bruce broke the kiss, Dobbs drew in a gasping

breath and he had to reach out to the tree to stay upright,

hand on the rough bark. Eyes wide, he panted, watching
to see what Bruce would do next. What Bruce did next
was to move in even closer and cup his cheeks, bringing
their mouths back together again. Dobbs approved.

He opened his mouth on purpose this time, inviting

Bruce in and he was able to catch his breath as their lips
parted briefly then moved together again.

Surprising himself, Dobbs found he wanted to melt

against Bruce, but he was worried about knocking the
man over. Bruce did have that broken foot, after all. Still
it was funny to think of him knocking the studly Bruce
over.

The hold on his face shifted, Bruce cupping the back

of his head with one hand and sliding the other down his
neck, fingers curled, stroking Dobbs' skin. Dobbs' cock
jerked  hard  and  he  cried  out  into  Bruce's  mouth  as  the
sensation  went  through  him.  It  wasn't  like  he  hadn't
jacked  off  since  coming  home,  but  his  interest  sure
wasn't what it had been and this sudden need was both
surprising and exciting.

Pulling back, Bruce stared down at him, looking into

Dobbs' eyes. "You want to get out of here?"

"I have ever since we yelled surprise." If he'd left

instead of hiding out upstairs for over an hour, he never
would have found Bruce out here, hiding under the tree.
It occurred to him that maybe Bruce disliked noisy
bunches of people as much as he did, though likely for
somewhat different reasons.

"Then let's go." Bruce grabbed a cane from the

ground, using it as he limped out around the side of the
house instead of going through it.

Dobbs approved of Bruce's exit strategy. Anything

that avoided the noisy crowd in the house got approval
from him. Although he suspected that it would have

been easier to face that crowd with Bruce at his side.
The man made anything feel possible.

"You got a vehicle?" Bruce asked as they rounded the

front of the house.

"Yeah, I have a smart car." Bruce was possibly going

to hit the roof with his head, as tall as he was; it was a
little car.

"Cool. I'll text my ride and let her know I've made my

own way home. Not that we have to go to my place --
yours works, too."

Dobbs considered that as Bruce folded himself into

the  passenger  seat  beside  him.  He  wasn't  sure  how  he
would  handle  being  at  Bruce's  place.  Oh,  he  would  be
fine to start with, but if he slept there, how would he do
with  waking  up  at  a  strange  place?  He  didn't  figure
having  a  panic  attack  at  dawn  would  make  for  a  very
good impression.

Bruce's hand landed on his thigh, distracting him

from his thoughts. "Whatever you want is okay, man.
This is supposed to be good, not stressful."

"It's just this is my first time doing this since coming

home." Hell, hook-ups hadn't exactly been a common
occurrence before then either.

"We don't have to do it. We can go back to your

place and watch a movie. You can just drop me off at
my place..." Bruce's words trailed off, though the warm
hand stayed on Dobbs' thigh.

He looked into Bruce's face. "Are you having second

thoughts?"

Bruce's answer was gratifyingly quick. "Hell, no. I

want you, Dobbs."

"Okay, then. My place good?"
"Your place is great."
"Cool." Dobbs started up the car, glad he'd parked on

the street, so he didn't have to get anyone else to move

to get on the road. Classical music came on once he
started the engine; he found it soothing when he drove.

"The music okay?"
Bruce shifted in his seat. "It's cool, man -- I'm easy."
"Yeah?" He teased, giving Bruce a quick grin, and

Bruce laughed. What a great sound. It put him at ease.

It wasn't that long of a drive and they made it in

relative silence. It wasn't horribly awkward or anything,
but it wasn't entirely comfortable, either. A few times he
opened his mouth to say something, but the questions he
thought of all felt like excuses to fill the quiet, and he
wasn't the type to babble about himself. Especially since
getting back. And maybe Bruce left him a little on the
tongue-tied side.

"You working these days?" Bruce asked, clearly

better at finding innocuous questions to make
conversation with than Dobbs was.

"Yeah. I'm substitute teaching at the elementary

school." It was a fairly gentle reintroduction back into
teaching. "I usually work a couple days a week. Though
I think Mrs. Belton in first grade is pregnant and I might
wind up finishing out the year for her." He thought he
was ready for that. Little kids weren't threatening. They
could be hard to handle and a lot of work, but they didn't
make him jump or panic the way crowds of adults could.

"That's great, Dobbs. You wonder sometimes, you

know? What happens to the people you go in and get."

"Don't they tell you?"
"Not usually." Bruce shrugged. "We need to keep our

focus on the next mission."

"That sounds kind of... I don't know, lonely

somehow?"

"Most of the guys have someone back home waiting

for them."

"You don't though," Dobbs pointed out. At least

Bruce had better not if they were going back to his place
to make out. He didn't care how attracted he was, he
wouldn't do that to someone.

"No, I don't."
Which was exactly what Dobbs wanted to hear.
That brought them to Bellard. Dobbs lived in a little

cottage  on  the  north  end  of  the  town,  the  place
surrounded  by  trees  and  bushes.  It  was  a  pretty  little
place, but best of all was that it felt private. Dobbs didn't
want  to  live  on  top  of  his  neighbors.  He  didn't  want  to
hear  them  or  see  them.  Ever  since  coming  home,  he
found that he really liked his privacy.

Bruce looked around as they went in. "Nice," he

murmured as he took it all in.

"Thanks."
Dobbs wasn't exactly sure what to do next. The hard-

on that had begun to appear as they'd kissed under the
tree had long ago faded, the drive not really encouraging
flirting or anything like that, so it sort of felt like they
were starting from scratch.

"You want a drink?" he asked.
Bruce shook his head, though, and took Dobbs' hand.

"You were going to show me your bedroom."

Laughing, Dobbs squeezed Bruce's hand. "I was?"
"I sure as hell hope so, man. We've already

established that I can't do shit standing up with the
broken foot."

"Oh, right." He was pretty sure Bruce had been

teasing  him,  but  he  still  felt  back  for  forgetting.  He
headed  down  the  hall  to  his  bedroom.  It  wasn't  a  huge
place,  so  his  room  was  small,  nearly  filled  with  his
queen sized bed. Thank god that's what he had, though,
or the big, broad Bruce wouldn't be able to fit so well.

And while that was fine in his little car for a short trip, it
would have been less so in a little bed for making out.

"So uh, here we are." And now that they were here,

he still felt awkward. Should he just lean in and go for
another kiss? Wait for Bruce to make the first move?
What was the protocol here?

"It'll be easier for me if we get naked first." Bruce

grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt, but waited until he
caught Dobbs' eye and Dobbs nodded.

They each got undressed, Dobbs tossing his stuff in

the corner while Bruce folded each piece of clothing up
and leaving it neatly piled at the foot of Dobbs' bed
along with his cane.

If anything, Dobbs felt even more awkward now that

they were naked. For one thing, he definitely suffered by
comparison. Bruce was stunning, even with the cast. The
man had muscles out the wazoo, and his six-pack was
more like a twelve-pack. Dobbs wasn't fat, in fact he
was on the skinny side, and he definitely didn't have the
muscle definition that Bruce did. Still, he got caught up
in admiring and the awkwardness faded under that.

He took a step forward and Bruce, prick growing

nicely -- and that was for him, wasn't it? so skinny or
not, he had something Bruce admired -- put up a hand.
"Wait. Lying down? Please?"

He could do that. Dobbs climbed onto the bed, Bruce

sitting and then pulling himself up to lie with his head
on the pillows. Dobbs lay facing the man, matching
Bruce's smile.

This time the quiet and the wait weren't awkward as

they  lay  there  staring  at  each  other.  Smiling  at  each
other.  There  was  an  undercurrent  of  anticipation  and
Dobbs  was  as  hard  as  Bruce  was.  Frankly,  Dobbs  was
enjoying the anticipation. Hell, he was enjoying the fact
that he was in bed with a stud and that he was hard, and

about to get some. He was happiest of all that it was
Bruce in bed with him.

They moved at the same time, their mouths coming

together fairly hard. It gave a little more urgency to the
kiss than he'd anticipated, but he went with it, his hands
coming up to wrap around Bruce's shoulders. Bruce
wound an arm around him and tugged him close so they
were touching from feet to mouths. It made his entire
body buzz, his nerves all lighting up.

He rubbed up against Bruce's muscles like a slut, but

he didn't care if that's how he was coming off, especially
as their dicks touched and moved together and the
sensations sparked so much brighter, higher.

It had been so long since he'd had anything but his

own hand, and even that hadn't been happening all that
much lately. Maybe that was why this felt so damn
good. Maybe it was just because it was good. Bruce was
all heat, silky skin and hard angles against him, so
maybe it was because it was Bruce.

A moan filled his mouth and Bruce half rolled them

so that Bruce was mostly on top of him. He grabbed
hold of Bruce's forearms and bucked up into the
beautiful muscles.

The kisses went on and on as they humped together,

Bruce meeting each of his needy, upward thrusts. They
were going to finish hard and fast, the passion between
them sudden and fierce. His hold on Bruce's arms
tightened, one soft sound after another leaving his throat
to push into Bruce's mouth.

Oh God. He could feel his orgasm building, his balls

going tight and hard.

Bruce pinched his right nipple and Dobbs tore his

mouth away as he cried out and bucked hard. He came
as their cocks slid together, heat spraying between them
and coating his skin.

Collapsing back onto the bed with a whimper, he

kept holding on as he tried to focus enough to
participate, to help Bruce reach his finish, too. He let go
of one arm, reaching down to grab Bruce's ass, the
muscles hard and working against his palm.

Bruce groaned and jerked, more heat spreading

between them as Bruce came.

Dobbs lay panting beneath Bruce, Bruce's breath

huffing  out  against  his  neck.  The  strong,  toned  body
pressing  him  against  the  mattress  felt  good  and  he
protested  softly  as  Bruce  rolled  off  him.  But  Bruce
tugged  him  over  so  he  was  pressed  up  against  Bruce's
side, his head on one broad shoulder. He took in a deep
breath,  smelling  man  and  sex,  and  settled,  his  body
relaxing utterly.

"Stay?" he murmured before he could fall completely

asleep.

"I will."
He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

***

Dobbs kicked his feet out from under the covers,

sitting up with a gasp as he tried to catch his breath. His
eyes darted around madly. It was dark. It shouldn't be
dark; he had a nightlight he always turned on.

The images from the nightmare lingered, and with

them the fear. For half a second he was sure he was back
there, caught.

Strong arms wrapped around him Bruce's solid body

pressing up against his back. "Shh. It's okay, baby.
You're all right. You're safe."

The warmth and soft words served to remind him that

he was in his bed with his lover. He was at home and
Bruce had him.

He was okay. Safe.
They were both safe, Bruce on six weeks leave after a

couple of harrowing missions.

He let his head fall forward as his body sagged

against Bruce and worked on calming his breath. Bruce's
hand rubbing circles in his belly both helped and
hindered -- it wasn't doing his breathing any favors, but
now he was panting with arousal instead of fear.

Bruce's mouth opened over the skin of his neck.

"Better, baby?"

Dobbs nodded. Yeah, he was okay. He was far more

than okay.

They relaxed back onto the bed together and Bruce

mouthed "I love you," against his shoulder.

Oh yeah, him too.
He wrapped his arms around his lover and brought

their mouths together. Him, too.

End.

Feeling Safe

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Torquere Press, Inc.: Sips electronic edition / August
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