CORDED
THECORDEDSAGA
ALYSSAROSEIVY
CONTENTS
Copyright©2017AlyssaRoseIvy
Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,distributed,ortransmittedinanyformorby
anymeans,orstoredinadatabaseorretrievalsystem,withoutthepriorwrittenapprovaloftheauthor.
Thecharactersandeventsportrayedinthisbookarefictitious.Anysimilaritytorealpersons,livingordead,is
coincidentalandnotintendedbytheauthor.
CoverDesign:PhatpuppyArt
BOOKSBYALYSSAROSEIVY
Flight(TheCrescentChronicles#1)
Focus(TheCrescentChronicles#2)
Found(TheCrescentChronicles#3)
First&Forever(TheCrescentChronicles#4)
Soar(TheEmpireChronicles#1)
Search(TheEmpireChronicles#2)
Stay(TheEmpireChronicles#3)
Savor(TheEmpireChronicles#4)
Storm(TheEmpireChronicles#5)
Seduction’sKiss(TheAllureChronicles#0.5)
Lure(TheAllureChronicles#1)
Lust(TheAllureChronicles#2)
Lost(TheAllureChronicles#3)
Love(TheAllureChronicles#4)
Dire(TheDireWolvesChronicles#1)
Dusk(TheDireWolvesChronicles#2)
Dawn(TheDireWolvesChronicles#3)
ForgedinStone(TheForgedChronicles#1)
ForgedinIce(TheForgedChronicles#2)
ForgedinFire(TheForgedChronicles#3)
Hunt(TheGrizzlyBrothersChronicles#1)
Heat(TheGrizzlyBrothersChronicles#2)
Corded(TheCordedSaga#1)
TheHazardsofSkinnyDipping(Hazards)
TheHazardsofaOneNightStand(Hazards)
TheHazardsofSexontheBeach(Hazards)
TheHazardsofMistletoe(Hazards)
TheHazardsofSleepingwithaFriend(Hazards)
ShakenNotStirred(Mixology)
OnTheRocks(Mixology)
Derailed(ClaytonFalls)
Veer(ClaytonFalls)
Wrecked(ClaytonFalls)
BeckoningLight(TheAfterglowTrilogy#1)
PerilousLight(TheAfterglowTrilogy#2)
EnduringLight(TheAfterglowTrilogy#3)
LifeAfterFalling
FullMoonsandMistletoe
Toanyonewhohaseverfacedadversity.
ONE
THEREIS
nothingromanticaboutlaundry.Nothingatall.Ipickedupadampt-shirt
andhungitonthelineasIrememberedwhenQuinn,myoldersister,hadrefusedto
dothewashforthatveryreason.Herdramaticoutbreakhadevengarneredarare
smilefromourfather.Iwasn’tsureifI’dseenhimsmileagainsince,andithadbeen
welloverayearsincemysisterhadevenlivedathome.
Quinnhadfollowedherquestforromanceintoanearlymarriage—onethatmy
fatherwholeheartedlysupported,yetI’dfoughtagainst.MysisterandIdidn’tneedto
settledownwithmenwhenwehadeachother.Marriageandromancewerethethings
ofbooks—madeupstoriesthatfilledthepagesofthefairytalesourmotherleftbehind.
Ifithadbeenuptomyfather,hewouldhaveburnedthehardcoverbookscoveredin
brightimagesofprincessesinballgownsandprincesonsteeds.Hewouldhave,buthe
didn’t.HecouldneversaynotoQuinn.
Ihungupthelastoftheclothesontotheline.I’dspentthebetterhalfofthe
morningbentoverthewashboard.Althoughtherewassomeelectricityavailablein
ourtown,myfatherrefusedtoletususeit.Itwoulddrawtoomuchattention,and
attentionwasthelastthingweneeded.
EverypieceofclothingI’dwashedthatdaywasoff-white.Thecolorofun-dyed
cotton.Wedidn’thavethetimeoruseforanythingelse.Ididn’tmindthe
monochromaticcolorsofourclothes.WhenIwantedtoseecolorI’drunouttothe
greengrassofthemeadowbehindthehouseandstareupattheseeminglyendless
bluesky.Itwasonlythere—farawayfromtherestofmylife—thatIallowedmyselfto
thinkaboutanotherlife.ButnotQuinn.Quinnhadthoughtaboutitconstantly.She
madeherownmake-upandjewelrywhilesheendlesslydaydreamedaboutmeeting
herPrinceCharming.WhenPrinceCharmingnevershowed,she’dsettledforthe
closestthingshecouldget.
Ipinneduponelastshirtandtookaseatontheoldwoodenstool.Iwasworking
aheadofschedule.IfIcouldgetmyworkdoneearlyImightgetsometimetoread.The
oneguiltypleasureQuinnandIshared.Thedifferencewasshebelievedinthehappy
endings.Ididn’t.
Thesoundofabellringingmademefreeze.Afterasliverofasecondofshock,I
headedforthebarn.Thatbellonlymeantonething,andhesitating—evenforasingle
moment—couldbedisastrous.
Iheadedrightfortheloosefloorboard,openingitupandslidingintotheholemy
fatherhaddugforusyearsbefore.Icoveredmyselfwithstrawbeforereplacingthe
heavywoodenboardaboveme.Itriedtosteadymybreathing.They’dbelisteningfor
it.
Iheardthecrunchofbootsoutsideandcurledupintoaball.Thiswasn’tthefirst
timethetradershadbeentoourfarm.Theyranraidsatleastonceamonth,moreif
theyheardaboutsightings.Thiswastheirthirdvisitintwoweeks.I’dbeenrecklessand
letaboyfromoutsidetownseeme.Evenwearingpantsandahoodedtuniche’d
knownmeforwhatIwas,agirl.
Thebarndoorswungopenbeforeslammingintothewall.Ipinchedmyselftostop
theshaking.Itmightgivemeaway.
“Weknowthere’sonehere.Iheardshemightevenbeablonde.”Thescratchyvoice
camefromacrossthebarn.Icouldseeadarkshadowthroughthefloorboards.Maybe
hewouldn’twalkallofthewayin.
“Idon’tknowwhereyougotyourinformation,butthereisnogirlhere.”My
youngerbrother’svoicefilledthecavernousbarn,andmychesttightenedwithfear.
WhatwasThomasdoingwiththetrader?Hewasgoingtogethimselfkilled.
Aloudthumpmademejump.“Quitthebullshit.Where’sthegirl?”
“No.Girl.”
IrealizedwithsickeningcertainlythatthethumpwasThomasbeingthrowninto
thebarnwall.Basedonhisdifficultyspeaking,hewasalsobeingchoked.
Anotherbang.“IfIfindoutyou’relying,youwillbeextinguished.”
Mystomachlurched,threateningtospillmybreakfast.Ibitdownonmytongueina
desperateattempttokeepquiet.
“Untilthen.”Thetraderlaughed.
Icoveredmyears,selfishlytryingtoblockoutthesoundsofthebeatingIknewwas
occurringaboveme.IfIactuallybelievedthebeatingwouldstopwithmyappearance,
Iwouldhaveshownmyselfinasecond,butIknewitwouldhelpnothing.Themale
membersofmyfamilymeantnothingtothetraders;they’dkillthemoncetheywere
nolongerdeemeduseful.ThetraderonlysparedThomasnowinthehopeshe’dgive
meaway.
AsthedoorslammedclosedIletmymindwandertomysisterandniece.Ihoped
witheverythingIhadthatBenjaminhadbeenabletohidethemintime.
“Youcancomeout.”Myfather’sgentlevoicecalmedme.Ibrushedoffthehayand
movedtheboard.
Myfatherreachedahanddowntopullmeout.Hiseyesweren’tonmethough.
Theywereonabloodiedbodyacrossthebarn.
“Thomas!”Ibarelylookedatmyfatherbeforerunningtomybrother.Hewascut
upandswollen.IcursedsilentlyasIcarefullytouchedtheimprintofabootoverhis
forehead.Thomaswasonlyfifteen—fartooyoungtobeforcedtoplaythepartof
protector.
“Oh,Thomas.”Ipulledhimintomyarms.Relieffloodedmewhenhemovedhis
handtograbmyskirt.
“It’sokay,Kayla.”Heopenedoneofhisgrayish-blueeyes,andIcradledhimagainst
me.
Thetearsspilleddownmyface.Howwasitokay?Therewasnothingokayabout
grownmenbeatingupateenageboyinsearchofagirl,butitwasthenormwhenyou
livedinasocietyofninety-ninepercentmen.
ISPENT
theentirenightatThomas’bedside.Icouldn’tbeartoleavehissideeven
thoughIknewthemedicinemyfatherhadgivenhimwouldkeephimsoundasleepall
night.
“Youhavetoeat.”Myfathercametositdownnexttomeatthefootofthebed.
“Idon’thaveanappetite.”IplacedahandonThomas’legovertheblanket.He
lookedsoyounglyingthere,buttheweltsandbruisesonhisfacetoldadifferentstory.
“BenjaminandIdecideditisn’tsafeforQuinntocomeseeThomasyet.Wecan’t
haveyouallinthesameplace.”Myfather’seyesfilledwithunshedtears.
Inodded.“Quinnshouldn’tseehimthisway.Shehastoomuchtoworryaboutwith
Bailey.”IthoughtaboutQuinn’slittlegirl.
“Sometimesitsoundslikeyou’retheoldersister.”
Itriedtosmile,butitwasapitifulattempt.“IpromisedMomI’dalwaysbetherefor
Quinn,andIwillbe.”
“Youalsopromisedyourmotheryouwouldn’tcutyourhairshort—andIdon’t
agreewiththatpromise.”
“Shedidn’twantustoloseourselves.Shewantedustoresist.”
“Atwhatcost?Itonlymakesyoumoreofatarget.”Hiseyesreflectedamixofanger
andhurt.Helovedmymotherasmuchasamancouldloveawoman,buthedidn’t
likethelegacysheleftwithus.ItwasmorethanherfairytalesthatfilledQuinn’smind
withdreams.She’dhatedourlifeinhiding,andshe’dtolduseverychanceshehadwe
neededtostriveformore.
“IwasawearingahoodwhenIsawtheboy.”Ilookedaway,tooashamedtoface
myfather.
“Thiswasn’tyourfault.”Heputagentlehandonmyshoulder.Everythingabout
himwasgentleexceptwhenitcametoprotectinghisgirls.
“Yesitwas.Ishouldhavebeenmorecareful.Ishouldn’thaveleftthefarmduring
daylight.”
“Youwerebringingmedicinetoyoursickniece.It’snotasthoughyouwereout
gallivanting.”Hegesturedwildlywithhishands.
“Gallivanting?Idon’tthinkI’veheardyouusethatonebefore.”Iclosedmyeyes,
givingmyselfasinglemomenttorecharge.Iopenedthemrightbackup.
Hislipstwistedintojustahintofasmile.Myfather’sfacewaswrinkledfromyears
workingthefieldsinthehotGeorgiasun.He’dbeenafarmerhiswholelife.Hisparents
hadmovedfromthecityrightastheclubstookover.Theywereoneofthefewfamilies
reproducinglikenormal—thereforetheywereatarget.
“Ifyouwon’teat,youshouldatleastrest.”
“Ishould.WithThomasinbedI’llneedtohelpinthefieldstomorrow.”Ismoothed
thebluequiltagain.
“Absolutelynot!That’sexactlywhatthetradersarehopingfor.”
“Ican’tstayinsideforever.”
“Iwillnotloseyou.”Hepulledmeintohisarms.“Ilostyourmother;Iwon’tlose
yougirls.”
“Youwon’t.Ipromise.”Itwasn’tapromiseIcouldkeep,butit’swhatheneededto
hear.
“HaveyouthoughtmoreaboutJonathan?”Hiseyespleadedwithmetogivehima
particularanswer.
Iswallowedhard.Myfamilycameabovemyowndesiresevenifthethoughtof
marriagemademesicktomystomach.Ineverwantedtobeatthemercyofsomeone
else,andthatwasallamarriageinourworldcouldbe.Wewereaprisonerofwhatever
menprotectedus.Ipreferredmyfathertoanyotherman.“I’lldoanythingyouwant
metodo.”
“Hecankeepyousafe.Hehastheresourcesandtheland.YouknowI’donlygive
youtosomeoneIcouldtrust.”Myfather’svoicesoundedstrained.Hedidn’twanttobe
havingthediscussionanymorethanIdid.HeknewhowIfeltaboutthesubject.
Ipattedhisarm.“Iknow.ButI’mstillsoyoung.”
Heshookhishead.“You’reeighteen.”
“Onceuponatimethatwasyoung.”
“Onceuponatime?Haveyoubeenreadingthoseoldbooksintheatticagain?”
Ismiled,forrealthistime.“Ilovethosebooks.TheywereMom’s.”
“She’dbegladyouenjoythemeveniftheydofillyourheadwithunrealistic
thoughts.”Hestood.“Don’tstayuptoolate.”
“Iwon’t.”
Heleft,closingthedoorbehindhim.HeknewI’dbespendingthenightwith
Thomas.TherewasnochanceI’dleavemybrotheralone.
TWO
THREEWEEKSLATER
“ANOTHERLETTERFROMETHAN
?Doesthisonehavemoneytoo?”Irefusedtoeven
lookatthelettertuckedinsidethebrightwhiteenvelope.Wecouldn’tgetregularpost
anymore,butoccasionallyaletterforuswouldbedeliveredtothelocaltavern.Evenas
thehumanpopulationnearedextinction,barsandtavernswerestillinbusiness.
“Moremoneythanlasttime.”Thomassatatthelongwoodenkitchentableand
pulledoutthecrispbillsfromapieceofmailaddressedtomyfatherbutdesignedfor
myeyes.
“Putthemaway.Iknowweneedmoremoney,butIwon’ttouchanythingfrom
him.”Ethan’snamebroughtbackpainfulmemoriesIdidn’tliketothinkabout.Hewas
myonefolly,theonlyonewhoevermademethinklovewaspossible.Hewasalsothe
onetoshowmehowsillythatthoughteverwas.
“You’rerightaboutonething.Weneedit.”Thomas’facehadstartedtoheal,but
evenafterthreeweeksthebootimprintwasstillvisible.
“I’msurprisedheevenremembersus.”
“Ofcourseheremembersus.”Thomasnudgedmewithhisshoulder.“Heespecially
remembersyou.”MomentslikethesegaveglimpsesofThomas’youthfulness.Imissed
histoothysmile.Likeeveryoneelse,hedidn’thavemanyoccasionstouseitanymore.
“Ethanmadehischoicewhenheleft.YouknowFatherwouldhaveconsentedtoa
marriagebetweenusifhe’dbeenwillingtowaitafewmoreyears.Iwasonlyyour
age.”Itriedtokeepthebitternessfrommyvoice,butitwasimpossible.
“Hewasstupid.Whatmanwouldturndownthepromiseofawomanofhisown?”
Thomasreadthroughthehandwrittenletter.Iwaswaybeyondcaringifhereadany
personalsentiments.
“Ithinkherealizedthataroundthesametimehediscoveredthecitywasn’tfullof
thousandsofwomenlikehethought.”Iwishedmyvoicedidn’tsoundsocold,but
EthanhadhurtmeinawayIdidn’tthinkanyonecould.He’drejectedmeforonlythe
chanceofsomethingbetter.
We’dallgrownuptogether.Helivedonthefarmnexttoours,andlikemostkidshe
wasanonlychild.Withsofewchildrenbeingborn,itwasalmostunbelievablemy
motherhadthree,includingtwogirls.Ethanhadcountedhimselfluckytogettospend
timewithtwogirls,buthealwayspaidthemostattentiontome.
I’dmadethemistakeofreadingthefirstfewlettersfromEthan.Theystartedwithin
monthsofhimleaving.Assoonasherealizedthingsweren’taswonderfulinthecityas
hehoped,hewantedtocomehome.Hewantedme.Iwasn’twillingtobeanyman’s
consolationprize,andmyfatherwouldn’thaveallowedit.Whatifhe’dchangedhis
mindagain?Fatherwantedstabilityforhisdaughters,andEthanwasthefurthest
possiblefromthat.
“Hesayshe’dcomebackifheknewhecouldhaveyou.”Thomassetasidetheletter.
“Asif.YouknowI’mgoingtoJonathan.Ethangaveuphischancewhenhegoton
thetrainthatday.”
“There’sworsepeoplethanJonathan.”Thomasdidn’tneedtosaywhathewas
reallythinking.AtleastI’dhaveamarriage.Thepopulationwasonlydwindling
further,andasfarasweknew,therewerenoothergirlswithinahundredmilesofus
anymore.Thetradershadseentothat.They’dsoldoffmostofthegirlstotheeliteclubs
ofthecity.Theotherones,theoneswhocouldbearchildren,weregiventoCentral.
Ourgovernmentallowedtradingaslongasallbreederswenttothem.Centralclaimed
tobedoingeverythingtosavehumanity,butroundingupwomenandchildrenfor
purposesofbreedingandexperimentationwasinhumane.Allowingthesaleofthe
non-fertilewasjustasbad.WefearedCentralasmuchaswefearedthetraders.
“Iknow.”Thomaswasright.Jonathanwasniceenough,buthebarelyevermade
eyecontactwithme.Hewantedmeforonething,andonethingonly—sex.Myfather
pretendednottoseeit.Itwasn’tthathedidn’tcare.Hewantedmesafe.Icouldn’tfault
himforthat.
“Ihopeyoudon’tleavesoon.I’dmissyou.”Thomassmiledinthatwaythatbrought
hisdimpleout.
“I’dstillcomehome,andyoucouldcomeoveranytime.”Jonathanlivedlessthan
fivemilesfromus.HewasfurtherawaythanBenjaminbutstillwithinwalking
distance.
“Iknow,butitwouldn’tbethesame.”Thomaspickeduptheletteragain.
“Throwoutthatletter.Idon’twanttoseeit.”
“Areyousure?”Heturnedtheenvelopeinhishand.
“Absolutely.I’mgoingtogocheckontheanimals.”
“Wanthelp?”Hisoffersoundedforced.Hestilldidn’thavehisfullenergyback.
“No.Havesomelunch.I’llbebacksoon.”
Iwalkedouttowardthebarnbutdidn’tmakeitevenhalfwaytherebeforeIheard
thesoundofatruckcomingdownthedirtroad.Idoubledbacktothehouse,hopingI
couldreachmyhidingplaceintheattic.IlookedforThomasinthekitchenbuthe’d
left.Iprayedhewouldn’tbehurtagain.Therewasnowaythetraderswouldsparehim
asecondtime.
IsearchedthehousetoptobottomwhenIheardThomascallingfromthefront
door.“Weneedtogo!”
“Why?Where’sFather?”Ihadn’theardthebell.Myfatheralwaysrangthebell.
“He’stryingtoholdthemoff.IpromisedhimI’dgetyouout.”Heranupstairsto
whereIstoodfrozenwithfear.
Thomasmayhavebeenyounger,buthewasmuchstronger.Hedraggedmedown
thetwoflightsofstairsandoutthebackdoor.
“Comeon!”Thomaspulledonmyarmagain,leadingmethroughthecottonfields.
“WhataboutQuinnandBailey?I'mnotleavingwithoutthem.”Idugmyheelsin
thedirt.
“Wehavetoleave.”Hepulledonmeharder.“Benjaminiswiththem.Wehaveto
getyouaway.”
“No.”Self-preservationmeantnothingwhenQuinnandBaileywereatrisk.I'd
promisedmyselfwhenBaileywasbornI’ddoanythingtoprotecther.Iwasn't
changingmymind.
Wecreptthroughthefields,takingthelongerbutsaferroutetoQuinn'snewhome.
She'dbeenlivingtherewithBenjaminforoverayearnow,butIstillwasn'tusedtoit.
Quinnhadleftwillingly,eagertostartamoreexcitinglife.Iwonderedifshewould
havebeenaswillingifshe’dknowhowquicklyshe'dbecomepregnant.Baileywasa
blessing,butraisingagirlinoursocietywastorture.Ifourfuturewasbleak,herswas
terrifying.Thingswereonlygettingworse.
Evenbeforewereachedthebarn,Iknewweweretoolate.Theloudmalevoices
carriedfarovertheotherwisesilentlandscape.
Thomas'shandtightenedonme.“Wehavetoturnaround.”
Ishookmyhead.IneededtofindQuinnandBailey."No."
Themenwerecongregatingaroundsomething,laughingastheysmokeda
substancethatIknewwasn'tthetobaccoBenjamingrew.Thesmokesmelledearthier.
Weneededtogetcloser.Itriedtostepforward,butThomaspulledmeback.
"No.Turnaround,"Thomashissed.Hisfearcamethroughinhisvoiceandhis
shakingarm.Thefearwasn'tforhim.
Quinn'sscreamsmovedmetoaction.IelbowedThomaswithenoughforceto
releasemyarmfromhisirongrip.“Lookforhelp.They'llkillyouiftheygetyou.”I
prayedhewouldn’ttrytobeheroic.He'dbeofmuchmorehelp,andmightstayalive,if
heranbackthewaywe'dcome.
ImadeadashforthebackdoorofBenjamin’shousebutdidn'tgetfar.Thistimeit
wasn'tThomasholdingmeback.
“Whatdowehavehere?”Alowandgravellyvoicedasked.Ifroze,hopingbeyond
hopehewouldn'tbelieveitwaspossibletofindanothergirl.They'dfoundQuinn,andI
prayedtheyhadn'tfoundBailey.
Hepulledoffmyhood,causingmylongwavyblondhairtofalldownmyback.
“Anotherblonde,andayoungonetoo.”Heyankedonmyhair,pullingmebackinto
hischest.
“We'vehitthejackpot,boys.”Themenbrokeoutoftheircircleandmovedtoward
me.Intheprocesstheyrevealedtwobodies.Ifelltomyknees,heavingasIwatcheda
mankickthebodiesofmyfatherandBenjamin.
“Kayla,”Myfathercrockedoutmyname.
“Afighter,eh?”Oneofthemengrinned,andIknewwhatwasabouttohappen.My
bodyconvulsedasIwatchedhimsteponmyfather’sneck,snuffingoutthelastbitof
lifehehadleft.
“No!"Iscreamed.Myentirebodyshookinanger,hurt,andloss.
Themanholdingmelaughed.“Sorrylittlegirl,theywereinourway.”
Thecrueltyinhiswordsandeyesmadeeverythingworse.Howcouldthesemen
havenoremorseforkillingtheinnocent?Somethingdiedinsidemethatday.Iknew
I’dneverviewtheworldthesamewayagain.
Despitetheagonyofloss,Ineededtokeepaclearhead.I'dbeofnousetoQuinnor
BaileyifIfellapart.FatherandBenjamingavetheirlivesprotectingthem,nowitwas
uptometomakesuretheirsacrificewasn’tinvain.
“Bolton,putherupstairswiththeotherone.Thisloadisgoingtobringusafortune."
Thefirstmanhandedmeovertoayoungermanwhohappilytookholdofmyarms.
Themanwho'dkickedmyfathergrinned."Yesitwill.I'mgladweheldontothose
othertwowomen.Havingthemtogetheratauctionwillbringinthecrowds."
Boltonledmetowardthefrontdoor.Hepushedmedownthehallwayandclosedus
intotheden.Hisordershadbeentotakemeupstairs,andmyskinprickledwithfear.I
neededtogettomysister,andthismanstoodinmyway.
"I'veneverseengirlswiththiscolorhairbefore."Hepushedmedownonthecouch,
kneelinginfrontofmeasheranhishandsthroughmyhair.
Isaidnothing.
"Thisismyfirstcapture.IwasbeginningtothinkI’dsignedupforadumbjob."
Helookedatmelikehewaswaitingforananswer,butIhadnonetogivehim.
“Wasthatyourmanoutthere?”
Ishookmyhead."No."
“Youweren’tgiventoanyoneyet?Marriedoff?"Boltonknewaboutourtraditions,
whichmeanthewasn’tfromthecity.Theconceptofbeinggiventoonemanhadall
butdisappearedoutsidethecountryside,moreoftenreferredtoastheRurals.
Ikeptmymouthclosed.Noanswerwouldchangeanything.Evenifhewasfrom
theRurals,hedidn’tcareaboutmeormyfamily.
Hestaredatmethewaysomeonewouldstareataghostorapparition.Itwaslikehe
wastryingtodetermineifIwerereal.
Hisfacesuddenlyturnedserious.“IfIhadthemoneyI’dbuyyouformyself.”
Therewasanounceofcompassioninhisexpression,andIdecidedtoseeifthat
couldgetmeanywhere.“Where’smysister?”
“Theotheryellowhairedgirl?”
Inodded.“Whereisshe?”
“What’sitworthtoyoutofindout?”
“Ineedher.”
"Bolton!Whatareyoudoinginthere?"Avoiceboomedfromoutsidethedoor.
Whoeveritwastriedtoforcethelock.
“Onesecond,”mycaptormurmured.“Youprobablyhavesuchanicebodyunder
there.”Hiseyesmovedtomychest.“Ireallywantyouformyself.”
“Haveyoutouchedawomanbefore?”Iknewitwastherightquestiontoask.The
trickwouldbewinninghimovertomyside.Itwastheonlychanceanyofushadof
escapingbeforeauction.
"No."HegavetheanswerIknewhewould.Hecouldn'thavebeenmorethana
coupleyearsolderthanme.Twentyatmost.Asalowleveltraderhe'dprobablyhave
towaitalongtimeforhischance.Theupperechelonrapedtheircaptives,butthey
didn'tsharewiththenewbloodveryoften.Atleastthat’swhatI’dheard.
Desperationmademesaywordsthatturnedmystomach."Youcanhavemelaterif
youhelpmysisterandnieceescape.”
Alookofexcitementcrossedhisfacethenfadedtodisappointment.“No.I'dbe
killedforthat.”
“Bolton!”Thedoorburstopen,andthefirstmanwrenchedmeoffthecouch.
“Whatwereyoudoing,boy?Itoldyoutogoupstairs."
“Oh.Sorrysir.Igotconfused."Boltoncastonemoreglanceatmebeforebowinghis
headtohissuperior.
"Gooutandhelptheothers.I'llwatchthisonewhilewewait."
IneededtoseemysisterandBaileybutshowingemotionwouldn'thelp.
“Areyouabreedertoo?"Theman'seyesroamedoverme,asthoughtheoutsideof
mybodyheldthesecretofwhetherIcouldbearchildren.
"Notconfirmed."SuspicionwasenoughforCentraltobuyme.Ineededtostaywith
Quinn.
“Haveyoutried?”Hechewedonsomethingwithasweetaroma.Icouldn’t
rememberthelasttimeI’dhadasweet.
Tried?HewasaskingifI’dhadsex.Iwasindangerouswaters.Admittingmy
untouchedstatusmightbeworsethanadmittingIwaslesslikelyabreeder.
Ichosemywordscarefully.“I’mnotuntouched,butImightbeabreeder.”
“Eitherwayyou’llbringagoodprice.”
Loudmotorssoundedoutside,andIstiffened.Ourchanceofescapewasnarrowing.
"Timetomove,prettyone."Hetookmyarmsandpulledmebackoutside.
“Kayla!”Quinnyelled,andIturnedtowatchherbeingrusheddownthestairsby
oneman.Anothermanheldmyniece.Lessthanayearold,Baileylookedsotiny.Her
lightbrownhairblewinthebreeze,andIwantedtoripherfromthedirtyman’sarms.
I’dhavegivenupmylifewithouthesitationtosaveher.Shedeservedmorethanthis.
Shedeservedachance.
“It’sokay,Quinn."Itwasn'tokay,butsheneededtohearthewords.Sheneededto
believewehadachanceifshewasgoingtostaystrongforBailey.Quinnwasn’tweak,
butshepanicked.Iwasontheotherendofthespectrum.Myrecklessnessusuallygot
meintrouble.WatchingQuinn’sandBailey’sterrifiedfacesturnedtheknifeofguilt
alreadyinmygut.Iwastoblameforeverything.Iwastheonewhowasspotted.Iwas
theonewhobroughtthetradersbacksomanytimesinonemonth.
"Nomoretalking."Thefirstmanputaclothovermymouthandanotherboundmy
hands.Ididn'tfightit.Itwasn'tgoingtodoanygoodwithanentirelineofmenoutside.
EspeciallynotwhenBaileywasbeingheldbyoneofthem.IneededtogetBaileyback
toQuinn.Thenwecouldplanescape.
Quinngotthesamebindings.Shestruggledhard,reachingoutforherdaughter.
“Stopsquirming,youbitch.”Amanslappedheracrossherface,knockingherover.
Mybodylurchedforward,reactingoninstinct,butIwaspulledback.
“Youshouldbemorelikethisone.Shedidn’tfightatall.”Heranafingerovermy
cheek.
Irecoiled.IfheonlyknewthefightIhadinmejustwaitingtocomeout.
ItriedtosendQuinnawordlessmessage.ToreassureherandletherknowI’dmake
surewegotout.Shedidn’tlookatme;shewaswatchingBailey.
Wewereledtoalineoftrucks.Theywereseparatingus.Quinn’spanicked
expressionsaiditall.Baileystartedcrying.
“Shutup,kid!”Amansnapped.
Thefirstmangotalittlesense.“Keepherwithhermama.That'swhatbabieswant.
Sheprobablystilldrinksfromhertits.”
IswalloweddownmyfearandfeltasurgeofreliefwhenQuinnandBaileywereput
inthesametruck.Iwaspickedupandthrownintoadifferentone.Istumbledintothe
backcabbetweentwomen.Mythroatconstricted,andIfeltlikeIcouldn'tbreathe.
Bothmenlookedatmewithsuchhungryeyes,eyesI’drarelyseenthankstomy
father’sprotection.
Thetrucklurchedforward,andIwasnearlythrownfrommyseat.
"Youcantakethatclothoffhermouthnow,can’tyou?"Boltonturnedaroundfrom
thefrontseat.
"Idon'tseewhynot."Oneofthemennexttomepulledtheclothdownsoithung
aroundmyneck.
"What'syourname,pretty?"heasked.
Iexpectedthesementohurtme,nottalktome.Iwasn'tsurewhattodo.
"Can'tshetalk?"Themanonmyothersideasked.
"Yeah,shetalkedtomebefore."Boltongrinned,proudofhimself.
"Tellusyourname."Themannexttomeasked,thistimelesspolitely.
Iswallowed.Maybeitwasworthplayingnice."Willyoualltellmeyours?"
Theybrokeintolaughter.
Thedriverturnedaround."You’llhaveplentyofnewnamestolearnsoon.”
“YoumeanallthedoctorsatCentral?”TheyneededtosellmetoCentral.The
likelihoodofitwanednowthatIhadbeenseparatedfromQuinn,butIneededto
changetheirminds.
“Central?That’snotwhereyou’regoing,honey.”Theguyonmyrightpickedupa
pieceofmyhairandrubbeditagainsthisface.
“Whatdoyoumean?Quinn’sabreeder,youhavetosellhertoCentral.I’mher
sister.”
“Sheandthatbabyareontheirwaytherenow.”
“Ontheirway?Whatabouttheauction?”
“NewrulesatCentral.They’llpayyoumoreifyoutransportdirectly.”
“Thenbringmetheretoo!”
“You’renotabreeder.”Herespondedcalmly,notraisinghisvoicetomeetmy
screaming.
“ButIcouldbe.”Mychesttightened.Icouldn’tbeseparatedfromQuinnandBailey.
“You’reablonde.TheReinewillpay,besidesweneedtokeepthemhappy.”
“TheReine?”Mybodyshook.Ihadheardenoughstoriesaboutthenotoriously
ruthlessclubtoknowitwasthelastplaceIwantedtobe.
“Isupposesomeoneelsemightpaymore,butIcan’timagine.”
Theyoungermanturnedaroundagain.“Ihopeyousurvivethem.”Therewas
somethingrealinhiseyes;amixofregretandguiltandsomethingelseIcouldn’t
place.
Itriedtoswallow.“Iwill.”Ihadto.I’dhavetoescapeandgettoQuinn.Failure
wasn’tanoption.
THREE
WEDROVEFOROVERANHOUR
.Afterleavingthepavedroadsbehind,Ifeltevery
bumpofthegravelroadwetraveled.EveryminuteIwasgettingfurtherandfurther
awayfromQuinn.Icursedmyrecklessness.IfI’donlylistenedtoThomasandwaited,I
wouldn’tbeinthismess.IcouldhavemadeittoCentral.Butthere’snowayIcould
havestayedquiet.Icouldn’thavesatbackandwatchedQuinnandBaileytakenaway.
HadThomasstayedtowatch?Icouldn’timagineit.He’dbeenfiercelyprotectiveof
usforyears.Iclosedmyeyestightandprayedhemadeittosafety.Hewastooyoung
togiveuphislife.Hewastooimportant.
Thetruckstoppedanotherfewmilesdowntheroadandthedriveropenedthedoor.
“Don’tletheroutuntilIgetback.”
Themenoneithersideofmenoddedinagreement,andBoltonturnedtolookatme
again.IfIwasn’timaginingthingshisexpressionheldsomesympathy.Theyallknew
whattheywereturningmeoverfor.MyguessistheyknewevenbetterthanIdid.
Therightsidedoorwrenchedopenandthedrivershowedupbesideit.“Let’sgo.
They’rereadyforher.”
Themanonthatsidetuggedmeoutwithhim.Themanonmyleftfollowedbehind
me.WithamanholdingbothofmyarmsIwasdraggedovertoanoutdoormakeshift
stage.
“Takeheraroundbacktowait,”asmallwirymanorderedmycaptors.“We’lldothe
olderonesfirst.”
Blockedbythestage,Icouldn’tseehowlargethecrowdwas,butbythejeersand
screaming,Icouldtellawomanwasbeingauctionedoff.I’dheardoftheseauctions
beforebuttherealitywassomuchworsethanI’dimagined.
Itriedtoignorewhatwashappening.Ineededtofocus.HowwasIgoingtogetto
Central?Wouldtheyhavesentarepresentativetotheauction?Maybehe’dnoticemy
ageandbringmeinjustincase.
“She’llgoformorewithoutthison.”Oneofmycaptorsunbuttonedtherestofmy
cloakandtosseditoff.
Iwrappedmyarmsaroundmyself.WithouttheextrafabricIfeltcompletely
exposed.
“She’dgoforevenmoreifwestrippedher.”Theothermanlaughed.Mystomach
churned.
“Butthenwe’dstartariot.Youcanseeplentythroughthisflimsything.”
Mydresswasn’tflimsybutitwashomemadefromlightcotton.Theweatherhad
beenunseasonablywarmsoI’dputonasummerdress.
“Showtime.Goodluck,girlie.”Themenliftedmeupandpushedmeforwardonto
thestage.
Istumbled,unabletoseemuchofanythingasmyeyesstruggledtoadjusttoa
brightlight.Thejeeringstartedimmediately.Thecatcalls,theyelling.Ilosttrackofthe
numbersbeingofferedupasIfinallylookedoutatthecrowd.Ididn’trecognizea
singleface.Iwasn’tsurprised.Themenofmyvillagedidn’thavethemoneytobuy
women.
Iblockeditout.IclosedmyeyesandwaitedtofindoutwhereIwasgoingnext.
Escapewasimpossibleatthatmomentandrunningintothatcrowdwouldonlymakeit
worse.
“She’sours.”Atall,darkhairedmansteppedthroughthecrowd.“We’llbeatany
bid.”Withouthesitatinghesteppeduptothestage.“Bringheraround.”
Themenfromearliergrabbedmefrombehindandyankedmefromthestage.
“Whowasthat?”IdaredtoaskeventhoughIfearedtheanswer.
“Gregory.He’saReine.”
Myheartsunk.“YoureallyaresellingmetotheReine.”
“Theyalwayspaythemost.”Hepattedmeontheback.“Butyouseemstrong.
Maybeyou’llsurvive.”Heshovedmycloakoverthebindingsonmyhandsbefore
leadingmeovertoalargeblackvehicle.ItwasthetypeI’donlyseenafewtimes.Large
andbulky,Centralusedthemwhentheydrovethroughtown.Myfatherhadexplained
thevehicleofferedgreaterprotectionfromgunsandotherformsofattack.
“Well,well,well.”Gregorywatchedourapproach.“EvenprettierthanIfirst
thought.”
“Wefoundheroutinoneofthefarmingvillages.Hadaprettysistertoo,butshewas
abreeder.”Mynervouscaptorsputteredoutthedetails.
“I’dhavepreferredboth,butwecanmakedo.SeeMarcoforpayment.”Hereached
formyarm.
“Paymentfirst,”oneofmycaptorsdemanded.
“That’snothowitworksanymore.Youknowthat.”
“HowdoIknowwe’llgetpaid?She’svaluable.WecouldhavetakenhertoCentral
instead.”
“You’llgetpaid,andIagreeshe’svaluable.”Helickedhislips.
“Iwanthalfnow,orwedon’treleaseher.”
“Fine,”hebarked,pullingathickstackofbillsfromhispocket.Themanwas
preparedwhichmeanttherefusalwasjustforshow.
Withasickeningfeeling,Iwatchedthemoneychangehands.Freedomshouldn’tbe
soeasilyboughtandsold.
AssoonasGregoryletgoofthecash,hepulledmeroughlyagainsthim.“Hello,
beautiful.”
Thetradersturnedwithoutasecondglance.Theywalkedrightovertotheirtruck.
Thedriverwasalreadyatthewheel,andthetiressquealedasthetruckspedoutofthe
field.
“What’syourname,littleone?”Gregoryranhishandsdownmyarm,pressing
himselfagainstmyback.
Iwentasrigidaspossible.
“Noneofthatnow.There’snoreasontobeunfriendly.”Hishandwandereddownto
myhip,andIpushedhimoff.
“Feistyone,huh?Theboysaregoingtoloveyou.”
Ikeptsilent,knowinganythingIsaidwouldjustmakemeaneasiertargetlater.
“Haveyoulainwithmanymenbefore?”Hepressedhimselfagainstme,physically
revealinghisdesireinawaythatterrifiedmefurther.
Istoodsilent.
“Therearewaystomakeyoutalk,”hewhisperedinmyear.“Waysthatwillbefun
formebutmaybenotforyou.”
Ishiveredwhilehelaughed.
“Relax.You’resafeforawhile.Ihavetogiveyoutomybossfirst.”
Didthatmeanhewouldn’ttouchmeonourjourneytothecity?
“Thatdoesn’tmeanIcan’tsamplethemerchandisealittlethough,doesit?”Hislips
brushedagainstmyneck.Irecoiled.
“Stilluptight.We’llhavetofindwaystoloosenyouupthen.”
Itriedtoquietmyshaking.
“It’sgoingtobealongtrip,soIthinkwe’llfindaplacetostaytonight.”Heopened
thedoorofthevehicle.IexpectedittobeemptybutIfoundtwomensittinginthe
back.OnewasBolton,theyoungtrader.
Gregorynoticedmysurprise.“He’spetitioningformembership.Heseemsstronger
thanhalfthenewsystemboys.”Theword‘system’wasoneI’dheardafewtimes.It
waswhattheycalledtheorganizationthatraisedthemalebabiesborninCentral.
Theothermaninthebackgrabbedmywristandpulledmeintoaseatnexttohim.
“Arealniceyoungone,”hecalledtoGregory.
“Webarelypaidhalfofwhatshe’sworth.Thebossisgoingtobeveryhappy.”
“Thewholeclubwillbehappy.Haveyouseenthishair?”Hepickedupafew
strands.“Haveyoueverseenanythinglikeit?”
“I’veseenit,butnotinalongtime.”
Everyoneseemedtobemakingabigdealoutofmylighthair.Ihopedthatwasn’t
goingtogiveQuinnmoretroubletoo.IassumedCentralwasn’tconcernedwith
appearance.
Thevehiclelurchedforward,andIwascatapultedontoBolton’slap.
“Don’tworry,I’vegotyou.”Hewrappedhisarmsaroundmywaistasthoughthey
wereaseatbelt.
Istruggledtomoveoffhim,butheheldtight.Ifelthisbodyrespondtome.“You’ll
bemorecomfortablerightwhereyouare.”
“Leavethegirlalone.You’reluckyyouevengettolookather,”Gregoryyelledback.
“Ifyouwantmembershipyouneedtofallinline.”
Boltonreluctantlyletgoofme,andIfellintotheemptyseatbesidehim.Hiseyes
rakedovermelongingly,andIdevisedaplan.
Boltonwasdesperate.He’ddonearlyanythingtogetwithawoman,anditwould
takehimmonths,ifnotyears,intheReine.Buthewasambitious.He’dhadlessthan
twentyminutestomakehispetitiontotheReineduringtheauction.
Icaughthimstaringatmeagain.Hewasmychance.He’dgetmewhereIneededto
go.
Ireturnedhisstare,andhemovedhisheadbackatinybitinsurprise.
Iforcedasmile,hopingitlookedfriendlyandnotterrified.
Hegrinnedback,reachingoutahandtotouchmine.Hewasawkwardaboutit,and
Iknewhowinexperiencedhewas.Iwonderedifhe’deventalkedtoagirlhisage
beforeme.
Ididn’tpullmyhandsback,andhetookitasaninvitationtomovehishandonto
myleg.Mydresswaslong,butthefabricwasthin.Herestedhishandjustabovemy
knee.
“We’restoppingsoon.Thisstorm’sgoingtobeabadone.There’snowaywe’llmake
it,”Gregorycalledback.
“Allright,”Boltonrepliedabsently.Hewasrunninghisfingersovermylegand
tryingnottogrinlikeafool.
“Whatareyousohappyabout?”GregorylookedbackandnoticedBolton’shand.
“What?You’llplaynicewithhim?”Hisexpressiondarkened.
Ineededtorespond.Icouldn’tstaysilentforever.“He’smyage.”
Gregorylaughed.“Yourage?Don’tyouprefermenwithexperience?”
“Sheunderstandsskillisaboutmorethanage.”Theothermannexttomegrinned.
Hetouchedmyotherleg,andItriedtoresistrecoiling.
“Bothofyoustoptouchingher.IfIcan’thaveheryet,neithercanyouimbeciles.”
“Imbeciles?”Theunnamedmanseethed.“I’mgoingtobehigherthanyouonthe
chainbeforeyoucanblinkaneye.”
“Isthatwhatyouthink?”
Iletthetwomenargue.Ididn’tcarewhattheysaid.Ineededtofindawayinto
Central,andIknewthatmeantsomehowreachingthecity.
Theroadgotbumpy,andthenthevehiclecametoasuddenstop.Theskywaspitch
black.UntilBoltonhelpedmedownfromthecar,farmoregentlythananyonehad
handledmesofarthatday,Icouldn’ttellwewereinafield.
“We’llmakecamphere.”Gregoryandtheunnamedmanpulledatentoutofthe
vehiclewhileBoltonheldontomyarm.
“Areyouafraidofthedark?”
“No.WhywouldIbe?”Thedarkwasjustanormalstateoflifewhenyoulived
withoutelectricity.
“Idon’tknow.Lotsofpeopleare.”
“I’mnot.”
“Okay.Iwasjustgoingtotellyouthatyoudidn’tneedtobetonight.”
“Oh.”Iletmyfingersfindhisinthedarkness.IhadtomakehimfeellikeIneeded
him.Maybefeigningfearandplayingtohisprotectivesidewouldhelp.“Itisalittle
scaryouthere.”
Hesqueezedmyhand.“Iknewit.Youcanstayclosebymetonight.”
Irolledmyeyes,gladhecouldn’tseemeinthedark.“Okay.”
TherainstartedrightasGregoryfinishedwiththetent.“Maybeitwouldbebetterto
sleepintheHumveetonight,”hesuggested.
Humvee.Thatwaswhatthevehiclewascalled.“I’dpreferthetent.”Myplan
dependedonit.
Allfourofusmovedintothetent,anditwasn’tsurprisingwhenIfoundmyself
squishedbetweentwomeninthesmallspace.ImovedasclosetoBoltonasIcould.
IwaiteduntilGregorysettledintoalightsleep.“Ineedtousethebathroom.”
“What?”Gregorysatup.“Now?Inthisweather?”
“Bolton,wouldyoutakeme?”Ihopedhe’dbesmartenoughtogivetheright
answer.He’dbeeneagertopleaseearlier.
“Sure.It’sonlywater,”herepliedsoundingcompletelyawake.
“Bequickaboutit.AndRobyougotoo.”
Istoodup,wrappingmycloakaroundme.“Doyouhavealight?”
“Alight?”Robasked.
“Ican’tgointhedark.”
Gregorygrunted.“There’soneintheHumvee.Don’tletheroutofyoursight,boys.”
HehandedRobthekeys.
Itriedtohidemyreaction.HavingRobfollowwouldcomplicatethings,butitcould
stillwork.
Boltongrippedmyarmandledmeoutofthetentintothepoundingrain.
RobstoppedbytheHumveeandgrabbedalargemetalflashlightbeforeslamming
thedoor.
Boltonwhisperedinmyear.“Followmylead.”
Ididn’tdarebreath.DidheknowwhatIwastryingtodo?Washegoingtohelpme?
Wewalkedasmallwaysfromthetent.“Getitdone.”Robbarkedatme.
“Weshouldgiveherprivacy.”Boltonsuggested.
Robgrunted.“Privacy?She’snotgoingtobegettinganyofthatwherewe’retaking
her.”
Boltonadjustedhisholdonmyarm.“Youmakethegirlspeeinfrontofyoutoo?”
“No,idiot.Butwhatthehelldoesshecare?Shecouldrunifweturnaround.”
“Runwhere?”Boltongesturedtothewoodsandfield.Theywerebarelyvisiblein
thestreamfromtheflashlight.
“Whoknows,butI’mnottakingachance.Doyouknowhowrareitistofindone
likethis?”
Istiffened.Onelikethis?It’slikeIwasn’tevenahumanbeinginhiseyes.Iwasn’t.I
wasjustanobjectworthnothingmorethanmybodycouldoffer.Thethoughtmade
mesoangryIwantedtoburst,butangerwouldonlyhurtme.Ineededtostaycalm.
“CanIseethatflashlight?”Boltonheldouthishand.
“Sure.”Hehandeditover.“Areyoujustgoingtostandthereallnight?”Heturned
andsnappedatme.
“Sorryaboutthis.”BoltonbashedRobovertheheadwiththeflashlight.
ItookinabreathinsurpriseasIwatchedhisbodycrumbleonthefloor.“Didyou
killhim?”
“Idon’tthinkso,butwehavetogo.”BoltondugoutthekeysfromRob’spocketand
tuggedmeovertotheHumvee.
“Whyareyoudoingthis?”
“Justgetin.”
Heunlockedthedriver’sdoorandusheredmein.Wewerebackonthedirtroad
beforeIevenprocessedwhathadhappened.
“Youallright?”Heglancedoveratme.
“You’reaskingmethatquestion?”Ilookeddownatmyboundhands.Thatwasthe
nextthingthatneededtobefixed.
“Yeah.Thatallhappenedprettyfast.”
“Thatitdid.Why?”
“WhyshouldIlettheReinehaveyou?I’msickofthis.I’mfromoutintheRurals
too.You’remoreminethentheirs.”Hesoundedresolute.Hislogicmadecomplete
sensetohim.
“Sothenwhereareyoutakingme?
“Myfamilyhaslandnearhere.Wecanhideout.”
“Ineedtogetmysister.”
Heshookhishead.“Ijustwentthroughallthattogetyou.You’recrazyifyouthink
I’mjustgoingtoletyougo.”
“Ithoughtyouwerehelpingme.”
“Iam.DidyouwanttobeusedbytheReine?Doyourealizehowmanymenyou’d
havetoanswerto?”
Ishuddered.
“Sorry.Ididn’tmeantoputthatimageinyourmind,butit’strue.”Herestedhis
handrightnexttomylegontheseat.“Isn’titbettertojustbemine?”
“Howdidyoudoit?How’dyouconvincethemyouwantedtojointheReine?”
“Itwasn’thard.PlusIpaidhimmorethantheusualinitiationfee.”
“Youhadthatkindofmoney?”Iaskedwithsurprise.
Heturnedawayfromme.“Imayhaveborrowedit.”
“Fromwhere?”Ifeltsuspicionsetin.
“Thathouse.Yoursister’shouse.”
“YouboughtyourwayintotheReinewithBenjamin’smoney?”
“Iusedittosaveyou.”
“Isthatwhyyoutookit?”
Hepressedhislipstogethertightly.“No.”
“Please.Helpmegettothecity.”
“YouweresupposedtobeEthan’s.”HespokesosoftlyIbarelyheardhim.
“YouknowEthan?”
Henodded.“Yeah.We’recousins.”
“Oh.”Cousinswerealmostasrareassiblingsnowadays.
“Heusedtobragaboutit.Pissedmeoff.”
“Whydiditmakeyoumad?”
“Causewhyshouldhegetyou?WhyshouldhegetagirlwhenIknewIcouldn’t?”
Hegrippedthewheeltightly.
“Yeahwell,heleft.”
“HewantedmorethantheRuralscouldofferIguess.Sostupid.Hegaveyouupfor
noreason.Idon’tmindithere.”
“Hewantedmorethanme,”Isaidsoftly.
“Idon’t.Iwantonlyyou.”Hemovedhishandontomyleg.“I’mgoingtoprotect
you.”
“Icanprotectmyself.IneedtogettoQuinnandBailey.”
“That’snotanoption.”
TherainpoundeddownontheHumvee.IhadnoideahowBoltoncouldevensee
wellenoughtodrive.
“Thenyoumightaswellletmeout.Iwillnotcomewithyouwillingly.”
“Idon’twanttorapeyou,Kayla.I’mnotlikethat.”
“Thentakemetothecity.Helpmegetthemback.”
“Thenyou’llbemine?”Hiseyes,fulloflonging,setonmyface.
“That’swhatyouwant?”
“Haven’tyoubeenlisteningtomeatall?”Hereturnedhiseyestotheroad.
“Wedon’thaveanywhereelsetogo,”Iadmitted.“Wewillcomebackwithyou.”
“No.You’renotjustcomingtolivewithme.You’recomingtobewithme.Thetwo
ofus,weknowwhatfamilyis.Noteveryonedoesanymore.Iwantthat.”
“Family?Inthismessedupworld?”
“Youwantittoo.”Hewasn’taskingaquestion.
Ishookmyhead.“No.Idon’t.IwanttohelpQuinnraiseBaileyandhopethatbythe
timeshe’souragethingshavechanged.”
“You’rescared.”
“Whoknowswhatcouldbehappeningtothem.Wehavetogetthemback.”I
rubbedmywriststogether.
“That’snotwhatImean.You’rescaredyou’reabreedertoo.”
“I’mnot.IknowI’mnot.”
“Youcan’tknowthat.”Hewatchedmeagain.Heshouldhavebeenkeepinghiseyes
ontheroad.
“Itdoesn’tmatter.”
“Itdoesmatter,butyou’llfindoutoneday.”
“IfIlivelongenough.”
“KeepthatupandI’lltieyoudownanddragyouhome.”
“Excuseme?”Iturnedinmyseat.
“I’mjustsayingI’mnottakingyoutothecityifyouhaveadeathwish.”
“Idon’thaveadeathwish.I’mjustthinkingrealistically.”
“Thinkingrealistically,wehavetofindaplacetostop.Wecan’tkeepdrivethrough
this.”Heleanedforwardinhisseatsohecouldseebetter.
“Weneedtohidethevehicle.WhatiftheReinearelookingforit?”Justthethought
oftheReinesentoffanewwaveoffearinme.
“We’retoofarfrommyhousetogoback,besidestheymaytraceusbacktoit.ButI
toldyouwehavelandhere.There’salsoatruck.”
“Doyouhaveshelterthere?”Weneededtostayoutofsightifwewerestopping.
“Mydad’soldhuntingcabin.”Hedroveafewmoremilesbeforeturningontoa
gravelroad.
“Areyousurewewon’tgetcaughthere?”
“Absolutely.Nooneusesitbutmeandmydad,andhe’snotthere.Iknowit.”
“Okay.”Ididn’treallyhaveanotherchoice.WeneededtoditchtheReinevehicle
andlaylowuntilthestormpassed.
Wedroveaboutaquartermilefromthemainroadbeforethesmallcabincameinto
view.Icouldbarelymakeitoutinthedarkness.BoltondrovetheHumveeintothe
treesandparkedit.“Noonecanseeitfromtheroad.”
Hegotoutandcamearoundtomyside.Heuntiedmyhands,andthenheldouta
handtohelpmedown.Boltonwasimpossibletounderstand.Washereallyjust
desperatetofindanormalcythatnolongerexisted?Hehadthewrongsister.Hewould
havebeenbetteroffwithQuinn.
Heturnedontheflashlightandtookmyhandleadingmetothesmallhouse.He
openedthefrontdoorandledmeinbeforelockingthedoorbehindusanddouble
checkingit.“Don’ttrytorunawaytonight,Kayla.You’llonlygetyourselfhurt.”
“TheonlyplaceIwanttogoisthecity.”
“Don’ttrytogoalone.We’lltakethetruckwhenthestormdiesdowntomorrow
night.”
“Tomorrownight?”Iaskedwithalarm.“Ithoughtwe’dgointhemorning.”
“Drivingduringthedaywillmakeusaneasytarget.We’llusethedaytoplan.I’m
notlosingyouinallofthis.”
“WhenImetyouthismorning,Ineverthoughtwe’denduphere.”
“Ipicturedtakingyoutomyownbed,notthisone.Butit’llhavetodo.”
Ifroze.“I’mnotsleepingwithyou.”
“Youaresleepingwithme.Iwon’ttouchyou,butI’mnotlettingyououtofmy
sight.”Hesaiditmatteroffact,liketherewasnootherconceivableoption.“I’lllighta
fire.Gofindablanketandgetoutofthosewetclothes.You’llfreeze.”
“Whataboutyou?”
“Ihaveplentyofclotheshere.I’llfindyousomethingtoo.”
Ihelpedhimmovesomefirewoodintothefireplace,andheeasilystartedafire.The
warmthsurgedthroughmyfreezingbody.
“Here.Usethis.”Hehandedmeaheavyblanket.“I’llfindyouclothes.”
“I’mfine.”
“Youcan’thelpyoursisterifyou’resick.Getoutofthoseclothes.”Heturnedand
walkedoutoftheroom.Hewasright,whetherIwantedtoadmititornot.Ipeeledoff
mywetclothesandwrappedupintheblanket.
Momentslaterhereturnedwithapileofdryclothes.“Wecanhangupyourclothes
todry.Trythisshirttonight.”
“Thanks.”Iwaitedforhimtoturnaround.“Bolton?”
“Yes?”Hepulledofhisshirtanddroppedhispantsandshorts.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Igasped.
“Takingoffmywetstuff.”Hestoodtherecompletelynaked.Evenwithjustfirelight
Icouldseeeverything.Iknewenoughaboutmaleanatomytoknowwhathiscurrent
statemeant.I’msureIblushedbeforeIsnappedoutofmyshockenoughtoavertmy
eyes.
“CanIatleastseeyou?”Hislustfuleyespleadedwithme.
“I’mnothavingsexwithyoutonight.OnlyifyouhelpmegetQuinnandBailey.”
“Nosex,butsomething?”Afunnyexpressioncrossedhisface.“Yougettoseeme
naked,don’tIgettoseeyou?”
Ifeltmyjawdrop.“Ineveraskedtoseeyou.I’dactuallypreferifyouputonmore
clothes.”
“I’llgetdressedafterIseeyou.”Hiseyeswereplayful.
“Onlyforaslongasittakesmetogetdressed.”Idroppedtheblanketandpulledthe
whitecottont-shirtovermyhead.
Ididn’tlookathimuntilIwascoveredagain.
Hiseyeswerebig.“IhopewegetQuinnfast.”
“Aren’tyouforgettingsomething?”Ineededtochangethesubject.Thewayhewas
lookingatme,andthefactthathewascompletelynakedwastoomuch.
“What?”
“Yousaidyou’dgetdressedafter.”
“Ohyeah.”Hegrinned.
“Youcan’texpectmetosleepbesideyouafterseeingthatexpressiononyourface.”
“Icancontrolmyself.I’mnotananimal.”
“Notananimal,butaman.Astarvedmanatthat.”Foodwasn’tthescarcestthingin
ourworld.
“Butamanwhoknowspatiencewillrewardhimselfwithsomethingmuchbetter.”
Anidlethoughtenteredmyhead.“Youaren’tthinking…youdon’tplantohaveus
both.”
Hecoughed.“Wouldn’tthatbenice?No.Iknowofplentyofgoodmenwhowould
deserveyoursisterandwouldhelpwiththebaby.It’syouIwant.Noneedtobe
greedy.”
“Didyouknowtherewasatimewhensomemenhadtwowives?”Ipickedthe
blanketbackupandwrappeditaroundme.
“Ireallycan’tpicturethat.Here,sit.”Heledmeovertoasmallcouchbythefire.I
satdown,enjoyingthewarmthagain.Hesatdownrightbesideme.“Thinkyoucan
sharethatblanket?”
“IsupposeIdon’tneedtobegreedyeither.”Iopenedtheblanketsohecouldget
under.Wearingonlyat-shirtwhileheonlyworeshortsmadethingsseemtoo
intimate.Hewasn’tabadman.Iknewthatnow.Ialsoknewbeinghiswouldn’tbe
terrible.He’dtreatmewellenough,andifIcouldkeepQuinnandBaileycloseitmight
justbegood.
Heseemedtoreadmymind.“We’llmakesureyoursisterlivesnearus.”
“Good.”Iclosedmyeyes,thewarmthfinallyforcingmetosuccumbtosleep.
“Youshouldliedown.”Boltontookmyarm.
Iopenedmyeyeslongenoughtolethimleadmetothebedandhelpmeslide
underneaththesheet.IfeltthebedshiftbesidemeasBoltonlaiddown,butIcouldn’t
fighttheexhaustionenoughtostayawake.
FOUR
SUNSTREAMEDTHROUGHTHEWINDOW
,andIstruggledtopushthroughthefogof
sleep.Iwasinabed,butitwasn’tmyown.TheshirtIworewasn’tmineeither.Most
importantly,thehandonmybreastcertainlywasn’tmine.AfteramomentIrealized
whereIwas,andwhatmanlaybesideme.
“Bolton,”Ihissed.Whenhedidn’tstirIpushedawayhishand.
Hislegwasdrapedovermine,remindingmethatIwaswearingabsolutelynothing
undertheoversizedt-shirt.
Ipushedbackthecovers,hopingbysomeluckmyclotheshaddriedbythefire
overnight.Althoughasectionofmydresswasstillatouchdamp,myunderwearand
brawerecompletelydry.
Ifoundthebathroomandhappilychangedbackintomyclothes.
“Kayla?”Boltoncalledfromoutsidethedoor.
“Berightout.”Ifinisheddressing,washedup,andopenedthedoor.
Boltonwasdressedinacleanshirtandpants.“Youworriedme.”
“Why?”
“Ithoughtyou’dleft.”Heleanedagainstthedoorframe.
“YoureallythoughtI’djustskipout?”
“Ifyoudidn’ttrustI’dhelpyou.”Hecrossedhisarms.
“Well,I’mstillhere.”
“Yesyouare.”Hegrinned.“Isleptwell,didyou?”
“I’msureyousleptwell.”
“What’sthatmean?”
“Yourhandwandered.”
“Oh.”Hesmiled.“Iguessthat’swhymydreamsweresogood.”
Ishookmyhead.“Thinkyoucanpushoffthosethoughtslongenoughtodoallthat
planningyoupromisedwe’ddo?”
“Yes,butnotuntilIfindussomethingforbreakfast.”
“Breakfast?Here?”
“Justgivemeasecond.”Hewalkedintothetinykitchenandstartedopening
cabinets.“Peachesokaywithyou?”
“Yeah.Sure.Youleavecannedfruithere?”
“Uhhuh.Webuythefruitandcanitallsummer.”Heopenedajarandhandeditto
mebeforesearchingthroughadrawerforsomespoons.
“Thanks.”
“It’snotfancy,butnotsobad,right?”
“Nope.Notsobad.”
“Ihearinthecitytheyeatfoodthathasnotasteorflavor.It’slikethisartificial
mush.”
“Why?Theyhavemoremoneythanwedo.”Iateapeach,savoringthesweetness.
“Yeah,buttheygroweverythinginsidenow.It’smoreefficientandsafer.”
“Efficientbutuselessifyoudon’tgettoeatthegoodthingsinlife.”
“Let’sgrowapeachorchard.”Hetookthecanfrommeandscoopedupapeachwith
hisspoon.
“Apeachorchard?Doyouknowanythingaboutgrowingfruit?”
Hefinishedhiscanandsetitasideonthecounter.“No,butitcan’tbethathard.I
wonderhowdifferentitisthangrowingwheat.”
“Orcotton.That’swhatwegrow.”
Ifinishedmyfruitandwashedoffthespoons.“Allright,timetoplan.”
“Firstoff,youcan’twearthat.”Hepointedtomydress.
“Youwantmetodresslikeaman,right?That’snotabadidea.”Infactitwasagreat
one.
“Yes.Thenwecutyourhairand—”
“No.”Icuthimoffbeforehecouldcontinue.
“No,what?”Hisbrowfurrowed.
“We’renotcuttingmyhair.”
“Listen,Iloveittoo,butwehavetobepractical.”Heranhishandsthroughmyhair.
“IpromisedmymomIwouldn’tcutit,andI’mstickingtothatpromise.”
Henodded.“Thenwhat’syoursuggestion?”
“DoyouhaveahatIcouldborrow?”
“Yes.Okay,sothatcoversappearance.Thehopeisthatnooneevenseesyouuntil
wegettoCentral.You’regoingtositinthebackandcoverupundersomethingifwe
seeanyoneontheroad.”
“Thenwhat?”
“Ohno.You’retheonewhowantstobreakintoCentral.Iwillgetusthere,andthen
it’syourturntofigurethingsout.Myguessisitwon’tbeeasytowalkin.”
“Exceptforme.I’mayoungwoman,they’dtakemein.”
“No.Absolutelynot.”Heshookhishead.“Whoknowsifyoucaneverbreakout?
Therehastobeanotherway.”
“Weneedhelp.”
“Ethan.”Hesaidthenameandthenlookedaway.
“Whatabouthim?”
“Hemightbeabletohelp.”
“Youthinkweshouldfindhim?”
“ItwillbeeasiertofindhimthantobreakintoCentral.”Hespokequietly.Hewasn’t
thrilledaboutgettingEthaninvolved.NeitherwasI.
“That’strue.Butit’snotgoingtobeeasy.”
“He’ddoanythingforyou.Wejusthavetogetintoseehim.”
“DoyouknowanythingabouttheSrayclub?”FromthelettersThomasreadtome
that’swherehelivednow.
“Notmuch,buttheyaren’tsupposedtobeasbadastheReine.”
“I’dhopeEthanwouldneverjoinsomethinglikethat.”
Bolton’sfacefell.“Metoo.”
Wespenttherestofthedaypackingupsupplies.AsmuchasIhatedweapons,I
provedtoBoltonIcouldloadanduseashotgun.IfusingagunwastheonlywayI
couldmakeittoQuinn,I’dbeprepared.
Wepackedthetruckandleftaboutahalf-houraftersundown.Werodeinsilence.I
couldn’tseemuchinthepitchblacknight,buteverysooftenasetofglowingeyes
pulledmyattention.Theanimalpopulationwasthriving.Withfewerhumanstheyhad
moreplacestoroam.Weweretheonlyonesatriskofgoingextinctnow.
Ifoughttokeepmyeyesopen.Icouldn’taffordtofallasleep.IknewIcouldtrust
Bolton,butIhadnoideawhatwemightruninto.
“Youcanrest,”hesaidgentlyasifreadingmythoughts.
“No.I’mfine.”
“You’renot.Icantell.”
“You’retiredtoo,”Ipointedout.
Hiseyelidswereheavy.“Yeah,butIhavetodrive.”
“Doyouwantmetodoitinstead?”Igesturedatthewheel.
“Doyouknowhow?”heaskedwithasmile.
“Icandriveatractor.”
“Ofcourseyoucan.”Helaughed.“I’mfinedriving.Thankfullywe’regoingtohave
justenoughgas.”
“Haveyoueverbeentothecity?”
“Yes,once.It’sbig,dirty,anddangerous.”Herestedhishandontheseatnexttome
again.
“Isthatyourwayoftryingtoscareme?”
“WhywouldIwanttoscareyou?”
“Idon’tknow.”Icouldthinkofonegoodreason.Hedidn’twantmerunningaway.
“It’sdangerousforeveryone,butyou’regoingtobeevenmoreatrisk.”
“BecauseI’magirl.”
“Yeah,andyou’reyoung.”Heturnedontoanotherroad.“Centralissnatchingup
everyoneyoungnow.Eventhebigclubsaregettingdesperate.”
“We’realldesperate.”Wewere.Everylastoneofus.
“What’sthat?”Isquintedtogetabetterlookatthelightsupaheadontheroad.
“Idon’tknow.”Boltongrippedthewheel.“Butgetintheback.Findsomethingto
coveryouup.”
Myyearsofhidingonthefarmpaidoff.Icrawledintothebackandfoundanold
tarp.Ilayflatonthefloorandpulleditoverme.
Boltonslowedthetruck,andItookinadeepbreath.
“Stateyourbusiness.”Aboomingvoicecalledinthroughthewindow.
“Bringingthistruckintothecityforsale,”Bolton’svoiceremainedcalm.
Thesoundoffootstepshadmepanicked.“Nooneisbuyingtrucksinthecity.The
gaspricesdon’twarrantit.”
“Oh?”Boltonfeignedinnocence.“Iheardthereweresomebuyersstill.”
“Getoutofthevehicle,”thevoiceboomed.
“Iamonatighttimeline.Ihavecommittednocrime,andIrespectfullyasktobe
allowedtocontinueonmyjourney.”
“Respectfullydeclined.Getoutofthevehicle.”
“Ican’tdothat.”Boltonsteppedonthegas.
Iflewacrosstheback,smackingmyheadashecruisedforward.
Thesoundofsirensinpursuitmademyheadinjuryseemlikenothing.
“I’mgoingtoslowdownasclosetothetrainstationasIcanget.Whilethey’rebusy
withme,youneedtorun.”Boltonkepthiseyesfocusedontheroad.“Doyouknow
howtotuckandroll?”
“Ican’tjustleaveyou.”Ifeltasurgeofguilt.He’dhelpedmesomuchalready.
“I’llbefine.YouneedtogetBaileyandQuinn.”
Hewasright.Thiswasnotimeforsentimentality.
Hesloweddownthecar.“Getready.”
“Getoutofthevehicle!”Avoiceboomed.
“Run,”Boltonwhispered.“Gonow.”
Ididn’twait.Ipushedopenthedoorandrolledoutontothestreetbelow.
Istumbledtomyfeetashecontinueddrivingforwardslowly.
Iheardthesoundofgunfireandran,tryingtoblockouttheshoutingcomingfrom
behindme.
IrefusedtothinkaboutBolton.Hemighthavemadeit.Theymightnothavekilled
him.IfedmyselftheliesasIranwithoutanyideaofwhereIwasgoing.He’dsaida
trainstationwasnearby,butIcouldn’tfindthatnow.Itwasfartoorisky.
InsteadIkeptrunning.Ireachedthewoodsandkeptrunning.Ididn’tstopuntilall
thenoisefromtheroaddisappeared.Then,andonlythen,didIstoptofindaplaceto
hide.Iclimbedintothebranchesofatreeandhopedforthebest.Ialsomournedthe
lossoftheoneallyIhad.Imaynothaveseenthebulletpiercehisskin,butIknewhow
likelyitwas.He’dsacrificedhimselftogivemethechancetosaveQuinnandBailey.I
wouldn’twastemychance.
FIVE
ISPENT
therestofthenightinthewoods.Iwaitedwhiledogsranthroughthewoods,
presumablytofindme.Iwaitedwhiletryingtoignorethesoundofbootscrunchingon
theleavesbelowmeasmensearchedtheforest.TheyknewIwasthere.Whether
they’dseenmerun,ortheReinehadfilledtheminonmydisappearance,theyknewI
wasoutthere.Thankfullytheydidn’tknowmyname.Iwasn’tforcedtolistentomy
namebeingscreamedthroughthedarkness.Insteaditwasgirlandblondie,or
Goldilocks,areferencetoastoryIvaguelyrememberedmymothertellingusasa
child.
Iwaiteduntilthesunwasuptoleavethewoods,goingwiththeoppositelogic
BoltonandIhadused.Ihopeditwouldbeeasiertoblendinwhenmorepeoplewere
outandabout.
Ifoundthetrainstationeasilyenough.Theproblemwasfiguringouthowtobuy
ticketswhenIhadnomoney.Sneakingontothetrainwasrisky,butIhadnoother
options.
Iadjustedthehatonmyheadandtightenedmyborrowedcoataroundme.The
stationwasbusy,whichwasbothgoodandbad.Thecrowdmadeiteasiertodisappear,
butitalsomeantgreaterpotentialofgettingcaught.Iavoidedeyecontactwhenever
possible.Iallowedmyselftogetpushedalongwiththecrowdontoatrain.Evidently
youdidn’tneedatickettoboard,butIknewthey’dcheckforonelater.
Thefewseatsonthetrainweretaken,whichwasfinebyme.Ifeltfarmore
vulnerablesittingdownthanIdidstanding.
IpositionedmyselfasclosetothedooraspossibleincaseIhadtomakearunforit.
Ikeptmyeyesdown,buteventhenIcouldn’thelpbutnoticeamanlookingatme.
Heraisedhiscapeversoslightlyandseemedtobetryingtomeetmyeye.Iturned
awayfromhim.Ididn’tneedtoattractanyattention.Ineededtoreachthecityand
disappearintoacrowd.Itwouldbemybestchance.
Thesamemaninchedclosertome.Isawhisbootsmovingclosertomyown.Itried
toquiettheshiversrunningthroughmybody.Ihadtostaycalm,orIwouldgive
myselfaway.
“Tickets!”Aboomingvoicecalled.Thiswasit.We’djustleftthefirststationsoI
knewIwasn’tgoingtogetoffthetrainanytimesoon.Ineedtocomeupwithanother
wayout.
“Twoticketsplease.”Amalevoicesaidfromrightbesideme.
IkeptlookingdownhopingI’dgetluckyandtheconductorwouldn’tnoticeme.
Ahandclampeddownonmyshoulderandsqueezed.“I’llholdontoyourticketfor
you,son.”
Son?Iwastooafraidtolookuptoseewhohadmadethestatement,butIhada
nervousfeelingitbelongedtothesamemanwhohadwatchedmeearlier.Thatsetof
bootswasnowrightnexttomine.
ThetrainlurchedonpasttwomorestopsthatlookedsimilartotheoneI’dgotten
on.Iwasn’tsurewhatthecitywouldlooklike,butneitherofthesestopslooked
anythinglikethecitythathadbeendescribedtome.Therewerenolargebuildings,
andtherewasstilltheoccasionpatchofwoods.
Thehandclampeddownonmyshouldertighteraswepulledintothenextstation.
“Followme,oryoursecretisrevealedonthistrain.”
Ifroze.I’dknowntheguywasn’thelpingmeformyowngood,buthiswordssenta
chillthroughme.
Whenthedooropened,heyankedmeout.Ihadnochoicebuttofollow.Toyell
wouldonlyattractmoreattentionandputmeinevenmoredanger.Icouldhandleone
man.Ijusthadtostayalert.
Hetuggedmeawayfromthetrainasitstartedtoleavethestation.
Ididn’tfight.IwouldbebetteroffifIcouldgetridofhiminprivate.ThenI’datleast
haveashotofmakingittoEthanundetected.
“Stayquiet,”themanhissed.
Iwasbeingcompletelyquiet,soIwasn’tquitesurewhathemeant.Ididn’trespond
ashemovedfurtherawayfromthestation.
Iwatchedeverythingashepulledmedownthestreet.Istudiedstreetsigns,cracks
inthesidewalk,anythingIcoulduselatertoretracemysteps.
Hisgriptightenedonmeashepulledmeintoanalleyway.
Hepushedoffmyhood.“Blonde?”Hegrinned,runninghishandsthroughmyhair.
Myfatherwasright.Ishouldhavecutit.Myhairwasonlygettingmeinmoretrouble.
Isaidnothing.InsteadIbidedmytime.
“Areyoulistening,girl?”
Inodded.
“Iamtakingyoubacktomyapartment.Youwillsaynothingandmakeeyecontact
withnooneontheway.Ifyoudisobey,youwillbepunished.”
“Iunderstand,”Isaidinbarelyawhisper.
Hesmiled.“Verygood.”Helookedintomyeyes.“Idon’tknowhowyoucametobe
onthattrain,butIdon’tcare.Youareminenow.Doyouunderstand?”
Inodded,understandingplayingalongwouldbetomyadvantage.
“Areyousureyoudo?”Heleanedin,hislipsinchesfrommine.“Willyouproveit?”
Inodded,andhegrinned.Inoticedapaperinhispocket,andrecognizeditasamap.
IhadnoideaifI’dbeabletomakeanysenseoutofit,butIhadtohaveit.
Hereachedouttotouchme,butIdidn’tgivehimachance.InsteadIkickedhim
hardbetweenthelegswithmyboot,thewaymyfatherhadtaughtme.Themanfellto
thefloor.Hegrabbedformyankle,butIshookhimoffafterpullingthemapfromhis
pocket.Hecrawledtohisknees,soIran.Rememberingatthelastminutetoreplace
myhoodbeforedisappearingintoacrowd.
IopenedthemapwhileIwalked,hopingthatifIstayedintherhythmofthecrowd,
noonewouldnoticeme,andIwouldn’twalkintoanything.Themapwasn’t
particularlydetailed,butitlistedthemajorclubs.IfoundSray;itwasn’ttoofaraway.I
neededtopassalargewarehouse,abuildingwithaspireontop,andthentakearight.I
foldedthemapandputitinmypocket.
Ilookedupatthetallbuildings,tryingtofindonethatlookedlikeawarehouse.
Theyalllookedthesame.ThenlikeabeaconIsawthespire.Itriedtoturnright,but
thecrowdwastoodense.
“Watchit!”AmanyelledwhenIknockedintohim.
Ididn’treply,afraidmyvoicewouldgivemeaway.InsteadIduckeddownand
slippedawaytotheright.
Thestreetwasempty.ThefurtherdownthestreetIwent,thequieteritgot.The
crowdhadbeendangerousinitsownway,butatleastIfelthidden.NowIwasoutin
theopen.IwrappedmyarmsaroundmyselfasIsearchedeachbuildingforasignthat
itwastheSrayclub.Finally,Isawit.Asmallbronzeplagueonalargemetaldoor.
Itookadeepbreathasmyfather’soldsayingsweptthroughmyhead:Outofthe
fryingpan,andintothefire.
SIX
AFTEREVERYTHING
I’dbeenthrough,knockingonadoorshouldn’thavebeensohard.
Ittookmethreetries.ThefirsttwoattemptsIdroppedmyhandbeforemyknuckle
couldmakecontact.ThethirdtimeIforcedmyselftodoit.Ihitmyknuckleagainstthe
hardbluedooroftheSrayClub.
Nothinghappenedatfirst,andIcontemplatedknockingagain.BeforeIcouldtry,
thedoorflewopen.
“Whatdoyouwant?”Adeepvoicebellowed.
Istartled,notquitepreparedtocomefacetofacewiththelargestmanI’deverseen.
Hewasatleast6’5andsolidmuscle.Wearingasuit,hedidn’tlooklikeanymanI’dever
seenbefore.
“Ineedtospeaktooneofyourmembers.”Iplannedtodeepenmyvoice,butwith
thenervesI’dforgotten.
“Areyouagirl?”Hepulledoffmyhat,andmylonghairfelldownmyback.
BeforeIcouldanswer,hepickedmeupbymyarmsandeasilymovedmeinside.
Thedoorslammedclosedbehindme.EvenifI’dbeenabletoreachtheknob,thedoor
wouldhavebeenlocked.Ilookedupattheimpossiblytallceiling.Howwasitpossible
itspannedtothatheight?Thewallswerebrickandmetal.Everythingabouttheroom
wascold.
“WhoareyouCordedto?”Hisvoicewasgruff,andittookcouragejusttolookupat
him.“Whodoyoubelongto?”
Ididn’tknowmuchaboutCording,justthatitmarkedyouasbelongingtoaclub.I’d
neverseenonebefore,butIenvisioneditassomesortoftattoo.
“Myself.Ibelongtomyself.”Istoodupasstraightaspossible.
“Impossible.Therehaven’tbeenanyun-Cordedgirlsinthiscityformonths.Ifthere
wasone,we’dknowaboutit.Showmeyourarm,”hedemanded.
Ireluctantlyslippedoffmycoat.Herippeditfrommyhandandtosseditonthe
floorbeforegrabbingmyarmroughlyandexaminingitfromeveryangle.
“GetMason,”hebellowed,andIsuddenlyrealizedweweren’talone.
Sofocusedonthemanspeakingtome,I’dsomehowfailedtonoticeIwas
surroundedonallsidesbymenhoveringinthedarknesswholookedidenticaltothe
firstone.Ididn’tknowwhoMasonwas,butIhopedhewasn’tanylargerthanthese
men.
“MarcusandElliot,gooutandmakesuresheisn’tatrap.”Thefirstmanordered,
whilestillholdingmebythearmlikehewasafraidI’dmakearunforitifheletgo.IfI
wasn’tsodesperatetosaveQuinnandBailey,Imighthaveconsideredit.
“Atrap?”Ididn’trealizeI’dsaiditoutlouduntilthegriponmyarmtightened.
“Yes.Forgivemefordoubtinganun-cordedgirl—andablondeoneatthat—would
justshowuponourdoorstep.”
“Ididn’tjustshowuphere.”Itriedtomakemyselflookasimposingaspossible.It
wasn’taneasytaskwiththesizeofthemenaroundme.
Themanholdingmelaughedandreleasedme.“Atoughone,huh?I’mJarrettby
theway.”
“IliketothinkI’mtough.”Iheldmychinup.
“Doyouhaveaname?”
“Kayla.”Makingupanamewouldn’thelpmegettoEthan.
“That’saprettyname.”
Ispunaroundandcamefacetofacewithamanwhohadthemostpiercinggreen
eyesI’deverseen.Hewasn’taslargeastheothers,buthewasmoreimposing
somehow.Dressedinacharcoalgraysuit,hescreamedcity.
“HelloKayla,I’mMason.”Heheldouthishand,andInervouslyputmineinhis
palm.Hisstronghandwassmooth—itdidn’thavethecallousesofalltheothermenI
knew.
“Hello.”Myvoicewassofterthanusual.SomethingaboutMasonmademeless
confidentthanI’deverbeen.
“Whydon’twegointothenextroomandtalk?”Hedidn’twaitforanysortof
answer.Hemovedhishandtomylowerbackandledmefromthelobby.Iwasn’tused
tosuchintimatecontactfromanyonebutmyfamily.Thetouchfeltdifferentthanthe
wayGeorgeandBoltonhadtouchedme.Insteadofthetouchofaninexperiencedboy,
thiswasthetouchofamanwhoknewhowtohandlehimself.Thedifferencemade
himmorefrightening.
“Haveaseat.”Hegesturedtoasmallsofa.Hepulledachairoverrightnexttoit.
Isatdownpracticallyontopofthearmrestonthesidefurthestfromhischair.He
scootedhischairtomyside.
“Tellme,Kayla,whatbringsyoutoSrayhouse?”Hegentlytouchedmyleftarm.
“Ineedtospeakwithoneofyourmembers.”Nowthatwewereseated,Iwasfeeling
braver.MaybeMasonwasn’tasfrighteningasIoriginallythought.
Asifreadingmythoughtshesmiled.“Oneofmymembers?Whoisit?”
“Ethan.EthanWayne.”
“Ethan?”AlookofsurprisecrossedMason’sface.“Doyouknowhim?”
Inodded.“Yes.Wegrewuptogether.”Iswallowed.Thosewordsdidn’tcomeclose
towhatthingswerelikewithEthanandme.
“I’mshockedhenevermentionedyou.Ican’timagineamanforgettingsucha
beautifulwoman.”Hemovedhishanddownmyarmafewinches.Theslight
movementgavemegoosebumps.
Iletoutadeepbreath.“MayIspeakwithhim,please?”
“Onlyifyoutellmewhatyouneedtospeakwithhimabout.Youneedto
understandsomething,Kayla.”Heleanedinclose.“Nothinghappensinthisclub
withoutmeknowing.”
Imusteredmystrength.ConcentratingwasdifficultwithMason’sfacesocloseto
mine.“Iunderstand,butthisconversationisofapersonalmatter.”
“Apersonalmatter?”Heleanedbackinhisseat.“Thatdoesn’tchangetherules,
baby.”
Baby?Noonehadevercalledmethatbefore.“I’mnotababy.”
Helaughed.Itwasadeepmelodicsound.“I’mquiteawareyou’renotachild.”His
eyesrakedovermeinawaythatmadethelooksfromthetradersandReineseemlike
nothing.
Ilookeddown,moisteningmylipsthatweresuddenlydry.
Heputahandundermychin,forcingmetolookupathim.“Whatareyouhereto
discusswithEthan?”Hisgreeneyeslockedonmine.
“I’mheretodiscussmysister.”Ihopedthatwasenough.
“Yoursister?Youhaveasister?”Hishandreturnedtomyarm.“Doyoumeantotell
meEthanknowsnotonebuttwogirlsthathenevermentioned?”Theunmistakable
lookofangercrossedhisface,andIknewI’dgottenEthanintrouble.
“Pleasedon’tbeangrywithhim.Weweren’thistorevealtoanyone.”
“Whereisyoursister?”Masonlookedovermyshouldertowardthedoorlikehe
expectedhertowalkin.HowIwishedthatwouldhappen.
“She’sbeenkidnapped.”
“Kidnapped?Bywho?”
“Traders.”Thelessdetailsthebetter.
“Whereareyoufrom,Kayla?”Ididn’tlikethewayhesaidmyname.Itfeltlikehe
wassamplingit—likehewassamplingme.
“TheRuralseastofthecity.”
“Ofcourse.YousaidyougrewupwithEthan.Imakeitmybusinesstoknowthe
historyofeachofourmembers.Irunanorderlyclub.It’sthebestplaceforagirlin
thiscity.”Hestudiedmeashesaidit.
“I’msureitis.”
“WhatwereyouhopingEthanwoulddowiththatinformation?”Masoncontinued
toholdmyarm.
Iwastakenabackbytheswitchinconversation.“Iexpecthimtohelpmeifhe’s
capable.”
“Helpyou?Howcouldhedothat?”Hereleasedmyarmandsettledbackinhischair
onceagain.
“Idon’tknow,butI’moutofanyotheroptions.”
Henodded.“Whobroughtyouhere?”
“Whatdoesthatmatter?”
“Answerthequestion.”Forthefirsttimeheraisedhisvoice.
“Noone.”
“Youexpectmetobelieveyoutraveledthatfarbyyourself?”Henarrowedhiseyes.
“Igotaridemostoftheway.Butthen…”ThoughtsofBoltonfloodedmewithguilt.
“He’sgonenow.”
“Andyourfamily?”
“Myfatherdiedtryingtosaveme.Please,sir.MayIspeakwithEthannow?”Ihoped
usingamoreformaltitlewouldwinmesomehelp.
InsteadofansweringhecalledforJarrett.“GetEthaninhere.”
“Yes,Mason.”Hedisappearedjustasquicklyashecame.
MystomachchurnedjustthinkingaboutseeingEthanagain.HowwouldIexplain
Bolton’sdeathontopofeverythingelse?
Wesatinsilence.Masoncontinuedtostudymewithanamusedexpression.I
crossedmyarmsself-consciously.Iwantedmycoatback.
“Mason,Iheardyouwantedtoseeme?”
Iknewthatvoice.
Istartedtostandup,butMasonpushedmebackdown.“There’snoneedtogetup,
Kayla.”
“Kayla?”Ethan’sfacereflectedtheshockI’dexpected.Hisbrowneyeswerewideas
hetookmein.
Itookinadeepbreath.“Hi,Ethan.”
“Whatareyoudoinghere?What’sgoingon?”Heaskedme,buthisattentionhad
alreadyturnedtoMason.
“Itlookslikeyou’vebeenholdingoutonme.Youknewwheretwogirlswere,and
neverfelttheneedtoshare?”
“Two?Youknowabout—”Ethan’seyesreturnedtome.
“Thesister,yes.KaylaandIhavehadthechancetochat.”
AlookofpaniccrossedEthan’sface,buthetriedtohideit.
IgatheredallmycourageandturnedtoMason.“Itwasn’thisplacetorevealus.”
“Isupposeitdoesn’tmatteranymore.Whydon’tyoutellEthanwhatyoutoldme?”
Iletoutaslowdeepbreath.“Quinn’sbeentaken.”
“Bytraders?”Concernfloodedhisface.Concernheshouldn’thavehadsinceheleft
usbehind.
“Yes.”Ileftitthere.Ididn’twanttoexplainmorethanIhadtoincaseitchanged
things.Iwasn’treadyforanyonetoknowImightbeabreeder.
“I’msorry,butthatstilldoesn’texplainwhyyou’rehere.Doesyourfatherknow
youleft?”Hisexpressionturnedcold.
Ifoldedmyhandsinmylap.“He’sdead.”
“Why’dyoucomehere?”Ethan’sresponsewasemotionless.
“Tofindyou.Ineedyourhelp.”
“Youcan’tgetherback.”Hecrossedhisarms.“Youmustknowthat.”
“OfcourseIcan,whyelsewouldIbehere?”
Hescowled.“Youshouldn’tbehere.Youshouldn’thavecome.”
Thiswasit.Aftereverything,myonlyhopewassaying‘no’?Iwasn’tabouttogive
up.“WhatelsewasIsupposedtodo?Justleaveherwiththem?”
“Quinnwillsurvive.She’lldowhattheysay,andtheywon’tneedtohurther.”
Ifheonlyknewwhoshereallywas.OraboutBailey.Icouldn’ttellhimanyofthat—
especiallyifhewasn’thelping.“They’llhurthernomatterwhat.YouandIbothknow
sheisn’tstrongenoughtosurvive.”
“Butthat’swhyshe’llbeokay.Sheknowshowtodoasshe’stold,unlikeyou.”
“What’sthatsupposedtomean?”Isatforward,itchingtogetup.
Hesighed.“Whatwasyourplan?Whatdoyouexpectmetodo?”
Ilookeddownatmyhands.“Idon’tknow.”
“Thiswasamistake,Kayla.”
“Yes,itwas.Ishouldhaverealizedwhatkindofmanyouwerewhenyouleft.Ifyou
won’thelpme,I’llfindsomeonewhowill.”Irose,readytogetasfarawayfromEthan
aspossible.
“That’snotfair.Iwasakid.Eighteen.I’vetriedtochangethings.Iknowyouread
myletters.Youwouldn’tknowhowtofindmeotherwise.”
“ActuallyThomasreadthem.Youhadyourchance.”
“Thisjustgetsmoreandmoreinteresting,”Masonsaidfrombehindme.“I’llhelp.”
Iturnedtofacehim.“Youwill?”
Hetookafewstepstowardme.“Itendtobeveryhelpfultothegirlsofthisclub.”
“ButI’mnotpartoftheclub.”
“Notyet.”Hewrappedhishandaroundmyupperarm.“Itwouldbeasimple
exchange.”
“Exchange?”
Ethanpaled.“Kayla,don’tdothis.”
MasonturnedtolookatEthan.“Youbetterwatchit.You’rewalkingathinline.”
“Youdon’tknowwhatyou’dbeagreeingto.”
“Whatotherchoicedoesshehave?Doyouplanonwalkingoutthatdoorwithher?
Areyougoingtotakeawillinggirlawayfromtheclub?”ThethreatinMason’stone
wouldhaveterrifiedanyone.
Ethan’sfacewentblank.“No,ofcoursenot.”
“Ididn’tthinkso.”
“Let’stalk,Kayla.”Heledmebackovertothecouch,butthistimehesatnexttome.
“I’mlistening.”Itriedtocalmmyrapidlybeatingheart.
“IfyouagreetoaCording,Iwillhelpyougetyoursister.”
“AllIhavetodoisagree?”
“DoyouknowevenknowwhataCordingmeans,Kayla?”Ethanstrodetowardsus.
Masonglaredathim“Eitherkeepquietorleave.”
Ethanloweredhishead.“Yes,Mason.”
“Iknowwhatitmeans.ItmeansI’mmarkedastheclub’s.Ihavetomakemyself
availabletothemembers.”Ilookeddown,embarrassedtoevenacknowledgeit.
MasononceagainmovedmychinsoIwouldlookathim.“Weonlytakewilling
girlsinSray.WearenotliketheReine.”
“Iunderstand.I’mwilling.I’ddoanythingtosavemysister.”IfIwasn’tdetermined
before,Iwasdeterminednow.Myfatherflashedthroughmymind.Mybodywasn’t
worthmorethanhislife.Itwasn’tworthmorethanQuinn,anddefinitelynotmore
thanBailey.
“Howmanymenhaveyoubeenwith?”Mason’squestiontookmebysurprise.
Iwasn’tsurewhatthesignificanceofmyanswerwouldbetoamanlikeMason,but
Iwentwiththetruth.“None.”
“Shit,Kayla.”Ethanhadhisheadinhishand.
“What?Isitshamefulmyfatherprotectedme?”Iknewwhyhewasupset.Ishould
havelied,butIwastooexhausted.Besides,thenhe’dexpectmetounderstandthingsI
didn’t.
Masonputhishandundermychinagain,forcingmetolookupathim.“Areyou
sayingyou’reavirgin?”
“Ihaveneverbeenwithaman.”Icrossedmyarms,andIwishedMasonwould
releasemyface.
“NotevenEthan?”Hefinallymovedhishand.“Fromthewayyoutwotalk,I’dhave
thoughttherewasahistory.”
Itriedtoscootaway,butIwasoutofroom.“Iwasfifteenwhenheleft.”
“Thatwouldn’tstopmostmen.”
Ishivered.“Myfatherneverwouldhaveallowedsomethinglikethat.”Ilooked
Masonstraightintheeye.“Doesmylackofexperiencesomehowdisqualifymefora
Cording?”
Masonlaugheddryly.“Quitetheopposite.”
Inodded.“Howsooncanwedoit?IneedtogetQuinn.”
Masonsmiled.“We’lldoitassoonaswecan.I’mgladyou’reinahurry;I’mina
hurrymyself.”Heranafingerdownmycheek.“Myfirstvirgin…andablondeone.”He
seemedtobeconsideringsomething.“I’mchangingtheterms.Iwantapersonal
Cording.”
“ApersonalCording?”Ethanspat.
“Whatdoesthatmean?”Iaskednervously.
“Itmeansyou’llbelongtomeandmealone.”
Iwasn’tsureifthatwasbetterorworse.
“Doyouagreetotheterms,Kayla?”Onceagainheusedmyname.Andonceagain
thewayhesaiditaffectedmyentirebody.
Inodded.
“Good.Thenwehaveadeal.”Hereachedoutahand,andIshookit.
“Damnit,Kayla.”Ethan’sfacetwistedinconcerned.
Masonpunchedhimsquareintheface.“Youareexcused,Ethan.”
Ethancoveredhisnose,tryingtocatchtheblood.
Igasped.
“Jarrett,”Masonsummoned.“TakeKaylatothegirls’wing.HaveJohannaputherin
somethingspecialtonight.”
“I’llseeyousoon,Kayla.”Masonlightlykissedmyneck.“Ohandleavethepersonal
Cordingpartbetweenusfornow.”
IdaredaglanceatEthanbeforeIwasledoutoftheroom.Hedidn’tlookatme,butI
sawtheblooddrippingdownfromhisfaceontohisnowbloodstainedshirt.Istifledthe
emotionwellinginme.Icouldn’tworryaboutit.I’dtakehelpwhereIcould.Rescuing
QuinnandBaileywastheonlythingthatmattered.
SEVEN
“SOYOU’VEAGREED
toaCordingthen?”Jarrettusheredmefromtheroomanddown
alonghallway.
“Yes.”Ibreathedevenly,tryingtokeepmyhead.
“Themenaregoingtobehappytomeetyou.”Heopenedadoorandthenpusheda
buttonforanelevator.I’dneverbeeninaworkingelevatorbefore,butIrecognized
themfromthebrokenonesattheshopintown.
IheededMason’swordsandonlynodded.
“Where’smyfeistyonegone?DidMasonscareyou,orwasitsomethingEthan
said?”Hepressedforanswers.
“It’sjustbeenatiringfewdays.”Thatwastechnicallytrue.
“Youshouldprobablygetsomerestinnowthen.It’sgoingtobealongnight.”He
raisedaneyebrow.
Inodded,pushingawaythoughtsofexactlywhatJarrettwasimplying.Anything
wasworthsavingBaileyIremindedmyself.Shewassolittleandinnocent.She
deservedachanceatlife.
“Cheerup.Thereareworseplacestobe.Wetreatourgirlswellhere.Whoknows,
maybeyou’llevenpreferittoyourlifeintheRurals.”Hegesturedformetoenterthe
waitingelevatorcar.
“Idoubtthat,”Imumbled.
“Why’dyoucome?”Hepressedabuttonandwestartedmoving.
Istartledbutfoundmyfooting.“ToseeEthan.”
“Didyouwanthimtoleavewithyou?”Jarrettpushedformore.Heneededtostop
askingquestions.
“Masonagreedtohelpmeinstead.”
“InexchangeforaCording?”Theelevatordoorsopened,andJarrettusheredme
downanotherhall.
“Yes.”Iwentwithonewordanswerswhentheyworked.OtherwiseImightsaytoo
much.
“Isee.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”Mystomachturned.Whatwasn’thetellingme?
“Nothing.”
Ididn’thavetimetodwellonitlong.Heopenedanotherdoorthatopenedintoa
largesuiteofrooms.
Abeautifulmiddleagedwomanwithlongbrownhairanddeepbrowneyesgreeted
us.“Hello,Jarrett.”Sheadjustedthetieonherfloorlengthwrapdressthatappearedto
bemadeoutofsilk.Ihadtoresisttheurgetoreachoutandtouchthefabric.
“Hi,Johanna.ThisisKayla.She’sbeingCordedassoonasAllenreturns.”
“Isee.”Johannaranhereyesupanddownmeasiftoappraiseme.Iwastiredof
beingseenforonlywhatIwasontheoutside.Iwastiredofbeingseenasnothingbuta
body.
“Masonwantsherlookingniceforhim.”
“Mygirlsalwayslooknice,”Shegavehimahardlook.“Youcango.Kayla’sfine
here.”Sheputanarmaroundmyshoulder.
“Seeyoulater,Kayla.”Jarrettsmiledbeforeleaving.
“Allright,youcanrelaxnow.”Sheputahandoneachofmyshoulders.“I’msure
you’vebeenthroughahellishexperiencegettinghere,butyouaresafenow.”
Inodded.“Thankyou.”
“YournameisKayla?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.Thegirlsareallsleeping.We’llhavesomeprivacyforawhile.Howaboutwe
startbylettingyoushower?”Hereyeswerekindyetsad.Shedidn’twanttobehere
anymorethanIdid.
“Thatwouldbenice.”
“It’srightthisway.Youshouldfindeverythingyouneedinthere.Butletmegetyou
afreshrazor.”
“Thanks.”Thementionofarazorremindedmethiswasn’tjustashowerformy
owngood.ThiswastogetmereadyforMason.Ishuddered.
“Youokay,sweetie?”Johannareturnedwithapinkrazor.
“Yes.I’mfine.”Iacceptedtherazorandathickpinktowel.
“We’lltalkclotheswhenyougetout.”
Isteppedintothebrightwhitebathroom.Theonlycontrastfromthewhitefloor
tiles,whitewalls,awhitetub,shower,andtoilet,werethepinkshowercurtainand
plushmats.Severaltowelsidenticaltominehungfrombars,anditprovideda
reminderoftheothergirlscurrentlysleeping.Whatweretheylike?Whywerethey
Cordedtotheclub?
Iturnedontheshower,takingamomenttofigureoutthesettings.Iwasusedtoour
verybasicshowerathome,butthisonehadallsortsofdifferentsettings.Afterfooling
withthebuttons,Imadeitwork.AsIstrippedoffmysweaty,dirtyclothes,Iwas
remindedofthedirtmyfatherlayinwhenhedied.ThetearsI’dsocarefullykeptin
suddenlybrokefree.
Isteppedintotheshower,hopingthestrongstreamofwaterwouldmaskthesound
ofmysobs.Ineededtogetitout.Holdingintearsalwaysbackfired.Theyfoundtheir
wayoutattheworstpossibletime.
Ifoundshampooandwashedmyhair,followingupwithconditioner.Iscrubbed
mybody,wantingtogetridofeveryreminderofthetradersandwhathappenedwith
Bolton.Hewasn’tinnocentIremindedmyself.Heonlymetmebecausehewas
workingwiththetraders.
FinallyIshaved.Itriedtobecareful,butIstillnickedmyself.Watchingthered
bloodflowdownthedrainonceagainbroughtmebacktothesacrificesofmyfather
andbrother.Ileanedagainstthewallforsupport.
“Kayla?”Johanna’svoiceechoedinthenowsteamyroom.
“Yes.I’llberightout.”
“Areyouokay?”Sheopenedthecurtain.Iusedmyarmstocovermyself.
Shereachedovertoturnoffthewater.“Noneedformodestyhere.You’llgetused
toit.Youcutyourself.”Shetookatissuefromaboxbesidethesinkandpressedit
againstmyleg.“Oh,youmustbecold.”Shehandedmemytowel,andIgraciously
acceptedit.WrappedupinatowelIfeltslightlybetter.
“We’llputabandageonthatcut,butitshouldbefinelater.”
Itwasjustanick.Whywasshesobentoutofshape?That’swhenithitme.Once
againshewasn’tconcernedwithme,itwaswhetherIwasinperfectconditionfor
Mason.Goodthingmyemotionalconditiondidn’tmatter.Iwasamessinthat
department.
Sheputanadhesivebandageonthecut.“Let’sgetyourmeasurements.”
Isqueezedoutsomewaterfrommyhairandsteppedoutoftheshower.
JohannatuggedawaymytowelandproceededtomeasuremewhileIstoodthere
completelynaked.Stillalittlebitdamp,Ishiveredfromthecold.
“I’llgofindyousomethingtowear.You’llfindabrushandsomemoisturizeronthe
sink.Startgettingready.”
Shelefttheroom,andIwrappedthetowelaroundmeagain.Iusedthelotionand
brushedoutmywavyhair.SatisfiedI’ddonewhatwasasked,Ileftthebathroom.
“I’minhere,”Johannacalled.Ifollowedhervoiceintoaroomcompletely
surroundedwithclothes.
Johannahandedmesomelacyundergarments.“Theseshouldfitwell.”
StillwearingthetowelIslippedintothetinyfabric.
“Letmesee.”Johannaadjustedthebrasothatasmallamountofcleavagespilled
fromthetopofthecups.“Perfect.”
Perfect?Whatwasthepointofwearingabrawhenitdidn’tevencoveryoufully?I
onlyhopedwhateverIworeontopwouldprovidemorecoverage.
“Masonlovesgreen.”Johannaheldastretchy,sparklygreenshirtinherhand.
“Arethepantsgreentoo?”
Johannalaughed.Shelaughedsohardshehadtoholdontoarackforsupport.“You
reallyarefromtheRurals.Thisisadress,honey.”
“Adress?Butit’stiny.”Iexaminedtheteenybitoffabric.
“That’sthepoint.”Sheshookherhead.“Nowlet’sgetyouintoit.”
Iswallowedhard.“Youreallyexpectmetowalkoutofhereinjustthat?”
“InafewdayseverymanintheCirclewillhaveseenyounaked,honey.Stop
worryingsomuch.”
Circle?Ihadnoideawhatthatwas,buttheideaofbeingpersonallyCordedwas
startingtosoundbetter.AtleastI’donlyhavetodealwithoneman,andifhehelped
mefreeQuinnandBailey,itwasallworthit.I’dfindawaytoescapetheclubafterthey
weresafe.
“Gorgeous.Justalittlebitofmakeupandsomemoreworkonyourhair,andwe’ll
beset.”Johannagrinned.
Idaredtoglanceinthefulllengthmirror.Myheartstopped.AllIcouldseewas
skin.Thepaleskinofmylegs,myarms,andwaymoreofmychestthanneededtobe
seen.
“Ifigureyou’rewhat,asize7shoe?”Shepulleddownapairofshoesthatlookedlike
aweapon.TheonlytimeI’dseenheelslikethatwereinmygreat-grandmother’sold
trunk.
“I’veneverwalkedinshoeslikethat.”
Johannalaughedagain.“Youaregoingtobesomuchfun.”
Itriedontheblackshoes.“I’mgoingtofallover.”
“Ittakespractice.Startwalking.”
ComparedtoeverythingelseIwasdoing,shoesshouldhavebeentheleastofmy
concerns,butitseemedliketoomuch.WhywouldhecarewhatIworeonmyfeet?
“Johanna?”Agirlclosetomyagewalkedintotheroom.“Ohhi!”Shebelatedly
noticedme.
“HiAddison.ThisisKayla.”
“Hi.”Shesaidquietly.
“Aretherestofthegirlsup?”Johannaasked.
“Yeah.Ijustneededadifferentdress.”
“Haveatit.”Johannatookmyarmandtowedmetowardsomesortofsittingroom.
IstruggledtokeepupwithherasIwalkedintheuncomfortableshoes.IfIwasn’t
careful,Iwouldbreakanankle.“Girls,thisisKayla.She’llbejoiningus.”
Eightpairsofeyessetonme.Oneortwogirlswavedahandingreetingbutthe
othersjustturnedaway.I’dneverseensomanywomeninoneplace,andIwasn’tsure
whattomakeofit.Somuchofthisexperiencewasnew.
“They’llwarmuptoyou,”Johannawhispered.
“Doyouwantmetohelpwithyourmakeup?”Addisonasked,walkingintotheroom
dressedinablackdressaboutthesamesizeasmygreenone.
“Sure.”I’dneverwornmakeupnoreverseenitbeyondwhatQuinnmadeherself.
“Goodidea.Addisonhereisanartistwiththestuff.”JohannapattedAddison’s
shoulder.
Addisonputahandonmyarm.“Wecandoitinmyroom.”
Ifollowedheroutintoasmallhallway.Westoppedinfrontofasmallroomwithout
adoor.Asmallbedwastheonlyrealfurnitureintheroom.Coveredinapurple
bedspread,itwasanicechangeofpacefromallthepink.
“Youcansitdownhere.”Shepulledoutastool.
Iwatchedasshepulledoutawholebunchofbottles,tubes,andbrushes.
“Masonprefersthenaturallook,butweneedtodosomething.”
Isatpatientlywhilesheappliedafewthingstomyface,buteventuallyIhadto
speakup.
“Whatisthat?”IpointedtothepencilinAddison’shand.
Shelaughed.“You’veneverseeneyelinerbefore?”
“Ofcoursenot.She’sfromtheRurals,”Agirlmaybeinherlatetwentiestaunted
fromthehallway.
“Canwehelpyou,Mora?”Addisonputahandonherhip.
“Justgettingacloserlookatthenewrecruit.”
“Ignoreher,”Addisonsaidquietly.“Andeyelinerisjusttomakeyoureyesstand
out.Itdoesn’thurt.”
“Okay.”Iheldmybreathasshetouchedmyfacewithit.Shewasright.Itdidn’t
hurt,butitfeltfunny.
“Haveyouwarnedheraboutwhatshe’sinfortonight?”Morawalkedintotheroom
andsatonAddison’sbed.
Isattherenervously.
Addisonsmiledreassuringly“Masoncanberough.He’snottheworst,buthelikes
tomakesureyouknowhe’sincharge.”
“Tellherthetruth,Addy.Roughisputtingitmildly.Someoftheguysactuallycare.
Mostofthemtrytomakeitatleastalittlebitdecentforyou,butMasononlycares
abouthimself.”
“Don’tallmenjustcareaboutthemselveswhenitcomestosex?”Iasked.It’sallI’d
everheardatleast.
Moralaughed.“Itakeeverythingback.You’reallright,kid.”
Ismiledandlookedaway.Iwasn’tquitesurewhymycommentwasfunny,butifit
keptMorafromtauntingme,Iwasallforit.
EIGHT
IWAS
gladforAddison’sarmaswewalkedintothelounge.Evenafteroveranhourof
practice,Icouldbarelywalkinthoseshoes.Whyanyonewouldwillinglywearsuch
footwearbaffledme.Theothergirlsseemedcomfortableinthem.Maybeyoujusthad
togetusedtothem.
Alleyeswereonusaswemoveddownthedimlylithallwaylinedwithcloseddoors.
Groupsofmenwatchedusfrominsidethedoorwaysofdimlylitrooms.Iwas
immediatelyself-consciousofwhatIwaswearing—orratherwhatIwasn’twearing.All
ofthegirlsweredressedsimilarly,butIfeltcompletelyexposed.Acoolbreezefroma
ventintheceilingfrozeme.
“Theydoitonpurpose.”Addisonleanedin.“Theywantyoucoldanduncomfortable
inthehallsothatyou’rerelievedtoenterthelounge.”Shelaughed,andIrealizedit
wasajoke.
“Seemsthatway.”
“Justkeepyourheadup.Don’tbeafraidtomakeeyecontact.”Shesqueezedmy
arm.“Youcangetthroughthis.”
“Willithurt?”IaskedthequestionI’dpushedoff.Ihadhighpaintolerance,butI
didn’toftenhavetoanticipatepain.
“Yes,butitfadesfast.It’sbetterifyoudrinksomethingbeforeandafter.”
“Alcohol?”Iadjustedthetopofmydresswhenitlookedlikenoonewaswatching.
“Yeah.TheSraymakethebest.”Sheflippedsomeofherlongdarkhairbehindher
ear.
“Wedidn’thavealcoholinourhouse,butwedidhaveatavernintown.I’venever
triedit.”
“Oh.It’skindofthewayoflifehere.”
Ishrugged.“IguessI’llfindoutifIlikeit.”
Shesmiled.“Waytogo,positiveattitude.”
Wereachedthedoor,andAddisonpracticallypulledmethrough.Iwasterrified,but
thoughtsofBaileykeptmemovingforward.
Theroomwaslarge,almostendless,anditwassurroundedbymirroredwalls.A
largebardominatedthecenter,whilecouchesandupholsteredchairsdottedtheroom.
Brightlightsinvariouscolorslittheroomcreatingasuperficialeffectunlikeanything
I’deverseenbefore.
Therewerealreadyatleastahundredmeninside,allofwhomturnedtowatchus,
andIknewmostofthemwerewatchingme,tryingtofigureoutwhoIwas.Iwondered
ifthey’dalreadyheardaboutme.Iturnedbacktothedoorway,butitwasalreadyfull
ofthemenwe’dseeninthehallway.
“We’regoingtohavetoseparatenow,”Addisonwhispered.“Mason’sgoingtocome
getyou,andIhavetogominglewiththeCircle.”
TheCircle.Therewasthattermagain.“Ok.Thanksforeverything.”
“Ofcourse.Staystrong.Itwillbemorningbeforeyouknowit.”
Addisondroppedmyarm,andIwasleftstandinginthecenteroftheroomwith
absolutelynoideawhattodo.Hungryeyeswatchedme,andallIwantedtodowas
hideunderanoversizedsweater.
“Ihavenowordsforhowstunningyouare,”Masoncreptupfrombehind.He
placedahandonmyhip,makingmejump.
“Thankyou.”Itookafewdeepbreathsinanattempttostaycalm.
Hepulledmebackagainsthim.“Youaregoingtomakelifesomuchmore
interesting.”
Isaidnothing.Iwashyperawarewewerebeingwatched.
“Doyoupreferyourdrinksstraightfromthebottleordoyouwantitsweet?”His
teethgrazedmyear.
“Idon’tknow.Whatever.”
“Doyoulikethingssweet?”Hishandbrushedagainstmybackside.
“Sure.”
“Ifiguredthat.”Hemovedhisarmssothatwecouldwalk.
Itriedtosteadymybreathingasheledmeovertothebar.
“Getmeashotofwhiskey.She’llhaveaMoonglow.”
Hepressedacoldglassofashimmeringmilkywhitesubstanceintomyhand.
“Drinkup,you’llneedthis.”
Iwouldhaveresisted,butIwasafraidofangeringhim.Addison’swarningabout
stayingonhisgoodsiderangthroughmyhead.
Itouchedtheglasstomylips.SomeofmylipglosstransferredtotheglassasItook
atentativesip.Sweetassugar,thebeveragewentdowneasily.
“Youdolikesweet.”Hishandknottedinmyhairandhepulledmyheadback.“As
doI.Butnotinmydrinks.”Heranhislipsovermyneck.
Isaidnothing.InsteadIwaitedforhimtoreleasemyneckandproceededtodrain
thewholeglass.IfinishedandhandedMasontheemptyglass.
“Iguessyou’reinasmuchahurryasIam.”Hefinishedhisdrinkandsetbothdown
onthebar.“Shallwe?”
“Yeah.”ThesoonerwegottheCordingoverwith,thesoonerIcouldconcentrateon
findingQuinn.
MasonmotionedtoJarrettwholeanedagainstthewallwatchingus.Hewalkedright
over.“Everythingokay?”
“Yes.Watchher.Don’tletheroutofyoursight.”
“Gotcha.”JarrettwinkedatmeasMasonwalkedaway.“Youcleanupwell.”
“Thanks.”Ismiled.SomethingaboutJarrettputmeatease.“Where’sMasongoing?”
“Missinghimalready?”Jarrettraisedaneyebrow.
“Iwasjustwondering.”
“He’sjusttakingcareofsomebusiness.”
“Howlongdoesittake?”
“DependshowlongwindedMasonis.Helikestogetalittletheatricalsometimes.”
Hetookaseatonabarstoolandgesturedformetodothesame.“Betweenyouand
me,heenjoysthespotlight.”
Ijumpedupontothestool,tryingmybestnottogivetheentireroommoreofa
showthentheywerealreadygetting.
“Inallseriousness,youlookrealnicetonight.”
“Ifeelridiculous.”Iwrappedmyarmsovermychest.
“Why?”
“BecauseI’mbarelywearinganything.”
Hegrinned.“Yousayitlikethat’sabadthing.”
Irolledmyeyes.“Itis.Myfatherwouldhaveaheartattackifhesawme.”Mychest
clenched.Hewasgone.
“Yeahwell,hewouldbeproudofyoutooIbet.Notmanygirlscouldmakethekind
oftripyoumade.Andalltohelpyoursister.That’sprettycrazy.”
“I’ddoanythingforher.”
“Howmuchyoungerisshe?Youareonlybarelyofageyourself.”
“She’solderbyeighteenmonths.”
“Andyouhavethesamemother?”
“Uhhuh.”
“Crazy.Iwonderwhat’sinthewateroutintheRurals.”Hetookasipofabrown
liquidinhisglass.
“Ifonlyitwasassimpleasthewater.”
Hedidn’treply.Hedidn’thaveto.
TalkingtoJarrettwaseasy;itdidn’ttakeanyeffort.Idecidedtotakeachanceand
askaquestion.Itwasalwaysbettertounderstandaplace.“What’stheCircle?”
“Theelite.There’stenofus.”
“Soyou’reonit?”
Hesmiled.“Yeah.Fiveofusalwayshaveaspot,andtheotherfivespotsrotate.”
“Whatmakesitsospecial?”
“Yougirls.”HenoddedtowardwhereMoratalkedwithaman.
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“TheCirclegetswhattheywantwhentheywantit.DoIneedtospellitout?”He
raisedaneyebrowagain.
“Andeveryoneelse?”
“Lotteryandrewardsystem.”
“Oh.”
“YourfriendEthanthereisgunningforaspotontheCircle.Hemayhaveearnedit
bybringingyouin.”
“Buthedidn’tbringmein.AndMasonwasn’thappyaboutthat.”Icouldn’tworry
aboutEthan.Ihadenoughtoworryaboutalready.
“Why’dyoushowuphere?Whydidn’tyougotoanotherclub?”
“You’reright.”Iglancedaroundtheroom,lookingforEthan.
“He’splayingcardsinoneofthebackrooms.”
“Oh.”
“He’sprettygoodatit.He’salsogoodathelpingusmovethewhiskey.Businessand
cardsinvolvethesameskills.That’showhe’srisensofast.”
“Heusedtoplaycardsbackhome.”Ihadspenthourswatchinghim.Iloved
watchinghimdoanything.Ishookawaythememory.
“Ican’tbelievehe’dleaveagirllikeyou.”Jarretttookanothersipofhisdrink.
“Meneither,”Isaiditquietly,notsureIwantedJarretttohear.
“Whydidhe?”
“IguessIwasn’tworthwaitingfor.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”Heturnedonhisstool.
“MyfathersaidIwastooyoung.Ethanheardtherewerelotsofwomeninthecity….
tookatrainout.”
“Howlongwashesupposedtowait?”
“Threeyearsatmost.”
“Man.Ithoughthewassmart,buthe’sdumbasadoornail,”Jarrettranahand
throughhishair.
Ismiled.“Ithinkherealizedthatprettyquicklyafterarriving.”
“Srayisagreatclub,butchoosingthisoveraguaranteedwoman?Howmanywould
hehavehadtoshareyouwith?”
“None.Myfatherwasfirmonthat.”
“What?”Heslammedtheglassdownsoharditbroke.Anumberofpeopleturnedto
lookatus.IfJarrettnoticed,hedidn’tshowit.“Imbecile.Andyouthoughtaguythat
dumbcouldhelpyou?”
Ishrugged.“Ithoughthe’dcare.”
“Thislifeisn’teasyonanyofus,butit’sworseforoutsidersthatcomein.It’sbetter
thanthesystem,butprobablynotbetterthanfarmlife.”
“BoyswhereI’mfromwantmore.Life’stooboring,monotonousIguess.”Notfor
all.Boltondidn’twantcitylife.NeitherdidThomas.IhopedThomaswasdoingall
right.Hewasstrong.
Themusicfadedout,andthecrowdquieteddown.“Showtime,”Jarrettwhispered.
Iheldontothesidesofthestool.WithoutJarrett’sdistractingchatteringmynerves
kickedinagain.
“Gentleman,ladies.”Mason’sdeepvoicecarriedthroughtheroom.
Noonespoke,andIwatchedasmoremenmovedintotheroom.Icaughtsightof
Ethan,andoureyeslockedforabriefmoment.Helookedempty.Therewasnosignof
theboyI’dknownbefore.
“TonightisamomentousonefortheSray,aswewelcomeinournewestmember.
KaylacomesstraightfromtheRurals.WecanthankEthanforherpresence.”The
crowdturnedtolookatEthan.Helookeddown,butIcouldtellhewasmutteringto
himself.Iguesshehadn’tlostallofhisoldhabits.
“Forhiscontributiontotheclub,Ethanwillbegettingarewardhe’sbeenwaitinga
longtimefor.”
Ethanglancedup.
“EthanwillbeenteringtheelitewhenDaniel’stermendsnextweek.”Masonlooked
rightathim.“TheCordingwithoccursoon,butfornowmakeherfeelathome.”
Masonnoddedtomebeforedisappearingintothecrowd.
“Youdoingallrightstill?”Jarrettleanedover.
“Fine.”Ilookeddown,notsureifIwantedtoseeanythingoranyone.
“You’regoingtomakeitthroughthis.”Jarrettpattedmyback.“I’mcertainofit.”
IwishedIwereassureashim.
NINE
WHENIGOTBACK
fromthelounge,Ihadaroom.Thesamesizeandsetupas
everyoneelse’s,theonlythingdistinguishingitasminewasmynamewrittenona
smallsigntotherightofthedoorway.Mybedspreadwaspurple,thesamecoloras
Addison’s.
Therewereonlythreeofusinthesuite.Iwasalmostpositiveitwasbecausethe
otherswerespendingthenightwithmen.Iwonderedhowoftenthegirlsactually
spenttheeveningintheirownbeds.Iguesseditwasn’toften.AseagerasIwastofind
QuinnandBailey,Ineededsleep.Ihadalreadygonedayswithoutit.Gettingthe
opportunityforsleepwastheonegoodthingabouthavingtowaitforAllen,whoever
hewas.
Ifoundasetofsoftpajamaslyingonmybed.Ihappilyslippedoutmydressand
intothewarmerandmorecomfortableclothingbeforeheadingdownthehalltothe
bathroom.Iwashedmyface,tryingtogetoffallthemake-up,butsomeofitremained.
AfterawhileIgaveup,brushedmyteeth,usedthebathroom,andwentbacktomy
room.
Itwasstrangesleepingalonelikethat.IhadmyownroomathomeonceQuinn
movedinwithBenjamin,butThomaswasrightnextdoor.ThefirstnightQuinnwas
goneI’dbeenunabletosleep.Insomanywaysshewasmyotherhalf.Lyingina
strangebednowImissedherevenmore.Whatwashappeningtoher?Wasshe
allowedtokeepBaileywithher?
Iturnedoffthelightsandclosedmyeyes.Ineededrest.Icouldn’tbecertainIwas
safe,butIwouldn’tbeanysaferaftertheCordingwhenIwasexpectedtoshareabed
withaman.Itriedtoclearmymind,butIknewitwouldn’tberestfulsleep.I’d
probablynevergetrestfulsleepagain,atleastnotuntilIsavedmyfamily.
Thenightmaresstartedearlyinthenight,andbythetimeIheardthegirlsreturning
inthemorning,IwascoveredinsweatandevenmoreexhaustedthanwhenI’dfirst
laiddown.MydreamsalternatedbetweenchasingafterQuinnandwatchingmy
father’sdeath.
Ikeptmyeyesshut,pretendingtosleepasthegirlsgotwashedupandreadyforthe
day.Whenitsoundedliketheyweredone,Iheadeddownthehalltothebathroom.
“Hey,waitup!”Addisoncalled.Shewaswearingapairofloosepantsandapurple
sweater.
“Hey.”
“Didyoufindsomethingtowearyet?”
“No.WherewouldIfindmoreclothes?”
“Downhere.”Shetookofftowardthegiantclosetroom,andIfollowed.Insteadof
openingthedoorfromthenightbeforesheopenedthedoornexttoit.Sheopeneda
fewdrawersandpulledoutanoutfitsimilartohers.“Thesearereallycomfortable.”
“Theylookit.Wheredoyougetallthese?”
Sheblushed.“Iactuallydesignedthese.Iworkinthetextilessector.”
“Youcanchoosewhattodo?”
“Sure.Youshouldcomewithme.It’smostlysomeoftheolderwomenandme,but
Kimmieistheretoo.”Sheturnedgivingmeprivacytochange.
“Really?Whatdotheothergirlsdo?”Islippedonthenewshirtandpants.Thepants
werealittlelong,butotherwisetheyfitperfectly.
“Allsortsofthings.Wecanworkanywherewewant.”
“Oh,that’snice.Iprettymuchdidalittlebitofeverythingonthefarm.”
“Ican’timaginewhatthat’slike.”Shewalkedoutoftheroom.
Ifollowed.“Wealwayshadtoworryaboutraids,butotherwiseitwasniceenough,
especiallywhenmysisterwasaround.”
“Youhaveasister?”Hereyeswidened.
“Yeah.Quinn.That’swhyI’mhere.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”Shegrabbedhertoothbrushfromtherack.
Ididthesame,andIusedthetimebrushingtohelpmecomeupwithagoodwayto
describemysituation.
Iloweredmyvoicetoclosetoawhisper.“Shewaskidnappedbytradersandsoldto
Central.Ineedtogetherback.”Thewordsflowedoutnaturally.Addisonwas
trustworthy.Iknewitinstinctively.
Addisonrinsedouthermouth.“Yes.Whoknowswhatthey’lldotohertotryto
makeherabreeder.”Sheshuddered.
“Didyougrowupinthecity?”
“Yeah.MymomwasinReine.SheescapedbeforetheycouldsellhertoCentral.We
hidoutforawhile,buttheReinefoundherandtookherback.”
“Whathappenedtoyou?”Iasked.
“IwassupposedtogotoCentraltowaituntilIwasoldenoughtobeofuse,but
insteadJohannafoundme.Sheconvincedthecurrentleaderheretoletmestay.”
“Really?Whathappenedtohim?”
“Masontookover.”Shedidn’tsayanythingmoreaboutthepowershift,andI
assumedthatwasintentional.I’dhavetofindoutmorelater.
“Masonwillgetyoursister,andthenshecanjointoo.”Addisonsmiled,andIdidn’t
likehavingtokeepthetruthfromher.QuinnhadBailey,whichmeantwehadtoleave.
Unless.JohannahadbeenallowedtokeepAddison,maybewecouldkeepBaileytoo?
Ibrushedoutmyhairandfoundanewpairofshoes.Theywerealsocomfortable
andnothingliketheheelsI’dwornthenightbefore.
“Itreallyisnightandday.Theydon’tcarewhatweweartoworkoraroundhere.
Wehavetodressupatnight,butthat’snotsobad.”
“Doyouhavetogohomewithsomeoneeverynight?”Ihatedasking,butIneeded
toknow.
“Noteverynight.Nothing’sforced,it’sexpectedthough.Althoughwealltake
breaks.”
“BytheCircle?”
“Mostly.Everymanhopestogethisspotoneday.”
“Whyarefivespotspermanent?”
“They’rethemostelite.It’sMason,Jarrett,Giles,Allen,andGreer.”
“Jarrettseemsnice.”
Addisonsmiled.“Heis.He’stheclosestthingtoafriendMasonhas.”
“Wouldn’tMasonhavelotsoffriends?Heistheleader.”
“Youdon’tgettohispositionbybeinganyone’sfriend.”Sheshivered.“Mason’snot
abadman,buthe’sruthless.Youdon’tevenwanttogetonhisbadside.”
“I’lltrynotto.”
“Isawthewayhewatchedyoulastnight.”Shegavemeaknowinglook.“I’dworry
moreaboutgettingonhisgoodside.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“It’swhatthegirlssaidlastnight.He’snottheeasiestmantobewith.Andhe’salso
incharge.Wealldowhathesays,butsofarhehasn’ttakentoomuchinterestinanyof
us.Iwouldn’twanttospendmultiplenightswithhim.Onceeverymonthorsois
enough.”
“HewaswatchingmebecauseI’mnew.That’sall.”Itriedtokeepmyexpression
neutraleventhoughpanicwasstartingtosetin.
“Maybe…Gileswasaskingaboutyoulastnightthough.”
“Wereyouwithhim?”
“Uhhuh.IthinkI’mhisfavorite,butdon’ttellMora,shehasathingforhim.”
“Doesanyonejuststaywithoneman?”Iaskedascasuallyaspossible.
“Thatwouldbeprettyhard.Therearen’tenoughgirlstomakethatfair.”
“Iguessnot.”Itwasalltooforeignforme.Sleepingwithonemanseemedscary
enough.
Aknockatthedoormadeusbothfallsilent.
Thedooropened,andMasonsteppedin.“Hello,girls.”
“Hi,”webothsaidnervously.IwasgladIwasn’ttheonlyonewhohemade
nervous.
“Addison,shouldn’tyoubeatwork?”
“IstayedbacktomakesureKaylahadeverything.”Shefoldedherhandsinfrontof
her.“I’llstaylatetomakeupthetime.”
“Thatwon’tbenecessary.Iappreciateyoutakingthetimetohelpout.“
Shenodded.
“I’mgoingtobetakingKaylaonatouroftheclub.Maybeyou’dliketowalkdown
withus.We’llsplitoffafterweleavetextiles.”
“Absolutely.We’rereadytogo.”Sheshotmealook.Iwassupposedtoagree.
Masonheldopenthedoorforus,andweleft.Hewalkedrightovertotheelevator
andpressedabutton.“We’llstartonthebottomandworkourwayup.”
“Thanksforgivingmethetour.”
“Ofcourse.Youneedtoknowyourwayaround.Thisisyournewhomenow.”He
watchedmecloselyashespoke.
Imadesuretokeepmyfaceclearofmyrealthoughts.Hewastestingme.He
wantedtomakesureIplannedtoupholdmyendofthedeal.Iwas—butonlyuntilIgot
Quinnback.Theonlyexceptionwasifthey’dtakeBaileyin.AndThomas.Ihadtothink
abouthimtoo.
Theelevatordoorsopened,andMasongesturedforustogetoff.“Thisisthehydro
floor.It’swherewegrowourfood.”
I’dhearditwasn’tsafetogrowanythingoutsideinthecitiesanymore.Keepingthe
necessarysecuritytoprotectcropswasimpossibleexceptforeventhelargestclubs,
buteventheycouldn’tkeepalltheanimalsout,orfendoffthewavesofpilferers.
“Wehaveoneofthemostadvancedhydroponicssystemsanywhere.Wegrowfruits
andvegetablesyear-roundaswellaskeepingaconstantstockofwheatandflour.”
“Wedon’thavethebiggestvariety,buthavingourhydrosisthemorecosteffective
way.”Helookedupattheceilingwhichhadlargelightsthatseemedtobemimicking
thesun.
Afewofthementillingthefieldsturnedtolookatus.Afewsmiled.Thiswaswhere
Iwantedtobe.ItwaswhatIknew.Ididn’tseeanygirlsdownthere,butAddisonhadn’t
madeitseemlikethatmattered.
Thenextfloorwasthedistillery.
IlearnedthattheSraymadetheirmoneysellingtheirpotentliquors.Evenrival
clubsstockedtheirfourdifferentvarietiesofwhiskey.MoraandAnnabelleboth
workedinthedistillery.Neithergaveusmuchmorethanacursorynodwhenwe
walkedthrough.
Thethirdfloorwastextiles.Addison’sfacelitupwheresheshowedmewhereshe
worked.She’dstartedworkingthereasakidandneverstopped.Itturnedoutshe’d
evenmadethedressIworethenightbefore.
Kimmiewasalreadyatwork,butshesmiledingreeting.Textileswouldprobablybe
aniceplacetospendtime.ToobadIwashorribleatsewing.Quinnusedtomakefunof
mysloppystitchwork.
“Wellit’stimeformetowork.I’llseeyouforlunchmaybe?”Addisonasked
hopefully.
“Kaylawillbeeatinglunchwithmetoday,butyou’llseeherlater.”Masonnoddedat
herbeforeleadingmebackout.
“Whatdoyouthinksofar?”Heaskedassoonastheelevatordoorsclosedonus
again.
“Impressive.It’shardtobelieveyouhavesomuchunderground.”
“WehadalmostnoneofthiswhenItookover.Thingswereamess.”
“Thenyou’vedoneagreatjob.”I’dbeenaroundenoughmentoknowplayingto
theiregowasapowerfultool.
Hesawrightthroughme.“Kissinguptomeisn’tgoingtogetyoursisterbackany
sooner.”
Itrieddenial.IrememberedAddison’swarningaboutgettingonhisbadside.“I’m
notkissingup.It’sthetruth.”
“Itisthetruth,butyousaiditforareason.”Hepressedabutton,andtheelevator
stoppedmoving.“Idon’tmindyourflattery,butIwantyoutospeakthetruthwithme.
Hemovedtowardme,backingmeuptothebackwalloftheelevator.
“Okay.”
Heranhishandthroughmyhair.“IwanttoCordyounow.Iwantyouinmybed
tonight.”
“Isthereareasonyou’rewaiting?”Itriedtoignorehiswarmbreathonmyface.
“IneedthewholeCirclehere,butAllenisaway.I’vesentwordtobringhimback
sooner.”Hebrushedhislipsagainstmyneck.
IwantedtoaskaboutQuinn,butitwasn’tthetime.Hiseyeswerehungry.Hewasn’t
thinkingabouthelpingme.“Istheremoretosee?”
Hesteppedbackandpushedabutton.“Yes.Plentymore.”Theelevatorstarted
movingagain.
“Thesearethegenerallivingquarters.”Thefloorwasmadeupofsuitesmuchlike
theonewelivedin.Thebigdifferenceistheirroomshaddoors.
Wereturnedtotheelevatorandwentupanotherfewfloors.Wegotoffagain.“This
floorisgeneralentertainmentanddining.”Hetookmyhandforthefirsttime,running
hisfingersovermyskin.“Sosoft,”hemurmuredtohimself.
“Diningroomsarealllocatedhere.Wehaveamainoneforthemen,asmallerone
forthewomen,andathirdonefortheCircle.”
“Whyallseparate?”
Hesmiled.“Weaimtomakethisacomfortableenvironmentforeveryone.”
“Isee.”Ifeveryoneelsecouldusethatexpression,socouldI.
“Thiswingisforfitness.Youhaveyourownfitnessareaonthewomen’sfloor.This
poolisforthegeneralpopulation’suse.”Hegesturedtoasetofglassdoors.
“Apool?Youhaveapool?”Icouldn’timaginetheyhadspaceforsomethinglikethat
inside.
“Wehaveseveral.I’llshowyoutheoneyou’duse.”
“Doallthewomenliveonthesamefloor?”Iknewitwasasmallnumber,butI
hadn’tdiscoveredwhereJohannaandthehandfulofmiddleagedwomenI’dseen
lived.
“Yes.Therearetwoothersuitesontheotherendofthefloor.”Hedroppedmyhand
whenheopenedtodoortoaroomwithalargescreen.“Thisisforfilmviewingsforthe
wholeclub.Wehaveaprivateviewingroomonthefloorabovethelounge.Thetop
floor.”
“Oh.”
“We’llgotherenext.Youalreadysawtheloungefloorlastnight.”
Weskippedthewomen’sfloorandtheloungefloor.Theelevatorstopped,andwe
steppedout.
“Thisistheelitefloor.”Heslippedahandaroundmywaist.“Wehaveamore
privateviewingroom,asecondpool,andourownbar.TheCirclelivesonthisfloor.”
“Boththepermanentandtherotating?”
Hesmiled.“Someone’sbeenfillingyouin?”
Ihesitated.
“Addison?She’snotintrouble.It’sgoodthatshe’smakingsureyouunderstandhow
thingswork.”
“She’sbeensonice.”Ididn’ttellhimJarretthadsharedtheinformationwithme
too.IfMasonwasn’tmadatAddison,itdidn’tmatter.
“Shegrewuphere.Sheknowsitwell.”
Iwonderedwhatitwaslikeforhimafterbeingintimaterepeatedlywitheverygirl.
“Butyes,wearealluphere.Myquartersareseparate,throughthisdoor.”
Mychesttightened.Hewasshowingmewhereheslept?
Heusedakeytoopenadoublesetofdoors.“ThisiswhereIlive.Mybedroomis
throughthere.”Hepointedtoanothersetofdoubledoors.“Ihaveanofficeinhere,but
Iprimarilyusetheoneoutsidethecirclecommonroom.”
“Extensive.”
Hesmiled.“Iworkhard,Kayla.Ideserveadecentplacetocomehometo.”
Inodded.
“Ithinkthat’severything.Doyouhaveanyquestions?”Hegesturedformetotakea
seatonasmallloveseat.
Isatdown,andjustlikethedaybefore,hesatrightnexttome.“MayIselectanyjob
Iwant?”
“Yes,butyouarenotrequiredtountiltheCording.Fornowyouareourguest.”
“I’dliketoworkinthehydros.”
Asmilecrossedhisface.“Itremindsyouofhome.”Itwasastatementandnota
question.
“Yes.Itdoes.”
“ThenyoucanstartworkingthereaftertheCording.”Heputahandonmyarm.
“It’snearlylunchtime.Afterward,thegirlsusuallytakesomefreetime.Thenightsare
longaroundhere.”
“Icanimagine.”
“Didyouenjoytheloungelastnight?”Heputhisarmbehindmeontheloveseat.
“Itwasanewexperience.”AfrighteninganduncomfortableoneIwasn’tsureifI
wouldeverfullygetusedto.
“Ihopetoseeyouthereagaintonight.”
“Ididn’tthinkmypresencewasoptional.”
“Likeworking,it’soptionaluntiltheCording.”Heranhishandovermyarm.“After
thatyou’reexpectedtoshowup.”
“Andgirlsareexpectedtostartsleepingwiththemen.”Iletthewordsslipout.
“Youwillonlybesleepingwithme.”Heranhisfingersovermyneck.
“Addisonmadeitsoundlikeitisn’teverynight,butit’salot?”
“Nooneisforcedtodoanythinginthisclub.However,ourgirlsaregenerallymore
thanwillingtodotheirpart.”
“Isee.”
“Youhavebeensoprotected.”Heranhisfingersthroughmyhair.
“Myfatherdidhisbest.”
“Hegavehislifetodoit.That’snoble.”
“Doyouunderstandnoble?”IwincedasIrealizedthewordshadaccidentally
slippedout.
“Whatdoyoumeanbythat?”Heputhishandundermychinagain.Hemademe
lookathim.“HaveIbeenanythingbutfairwithyousincearrivedinmyclublooking
forhelp?”
“No.Sorry.”Ishookmyhead.Ineededtobemorecareful.
“Don’tapologize.Explain.”
“Explainwhat?”
“Whatyoumeantbythecomment.”
“Ijustdidn’tknowifmencouldbenobleinthecities.Theworldhaschangedtoo
muchhere.”Ihadmadeamistake.IrememberedAddison’swords.Ineededtostayon
hisgoodside.
“Andithasn’tchangedintheRurals?”
“Notasmuch.”
“Soyoulivedthewayyouwanted?Youneverfearedanything?”Hishandsliddown
myneckunderthefabricofmyshirttomyshoulder.
“OfcourseIfearedthings!”Ialwaysworriedaboutbeingdiscovered,aboutQuinn
andBaileybeingdiscovered.Ispenthalfmylifeexpectingaraid.
Hedroppedmychin,probablysurprisedbymynearshout.“Exactly.You’llbesafer
herethanyouwerethere.”
Commonsensekeptmeincheck.“HowareyougoingtogetQuinnforme?”
“We’lldiscussitaftertheCording.”
“Youdon’ttrustI’llgothroughwiththeCording.”
“Trustdoesn’tmatterhere.It’sadeal.Afteryou’vebeenCorded,wewilldiscussit.”
Hisfacesoftened.“IalreadytoldyouIwasinahurryforittoo.”
“Youhaveyourownmoralcodehere,don’tyou?”
“Howso?”
“Youwon’ttakemetobeduntiltheCording.Whodefinesthatrule?”
Hiseyesdancedwithamusement.“Areyouaskingmetotakeyoutobednow,
Kayla?”
“No.”Isatupstraighter.“Ofcoursenot.”
Helaughed.“Thenwhatareyousaying?”
“Youfollowruleshere.Youreallyviewmeasaguest.”Iwasn’tsurewhyIwas
tellinghimaboutmysurprise.MaybeIjustwantedevenmoreofaconfirmationthatI
hadn’tmadeadealwiththedevil.
“Allhellhasbrokenlooseoutthere.”Hegesturedtothewalls.Therewereno
windows.“Butinherewe’restillhuman.”Hestoodup.“I’llletyouhavelunchwiththe
girls.Wecanhavedinner.”
Ifollowedhimbacktotheelevator.
“Thanksforthetour.”
“Mypleasure.”Somethinginhistonemademethinkhereallymeantthat.
TEN
THENEXTMORNING
IknewexactlywhereIwas,andIwasn’thappyaboutit.I’dspent
mostofthenightawake,staringattheceilingwhiletryingtopicturewhatQuinnand
Baileyweregoingthrough.WasCentraltryingtoimpregnateheralready?WasBailey
beingcaredfor?Amillionawfulpossibilitiesflittedthroughmymind,floodingmewith
aguiltsothickitfeltasifIwerechoking.Atthesoundsofgirlsmovingaroundthe
room,Ipulledmyselffrommysweatsoakedbed.
IgotupandwalkeddowntoAddison’sroom.Itwasempty,herbedperfectlymade.
Thenightbeforehadn’tbeenanightoff.Istruggledtorememberwhoshe’dgone
homewith.Ihurrieddownthehalltothebathroom.Ididn’twanttothinkabout
Addisonspendingthenightwithaman.Ididn’twanttothinkaboutanyofit.Iwanted
toblockeverythingoutandpretendI’dalreadyrescuedQuinnandBailey.Icouldn’t
takethemhome,butwe’dfindanewhome.Ididn’tcarewhereitwasaslongasitwas
farawayfromthecity.Butthenrealitydawnedonme.Iwasn’tgettingoutofthecity,
atleastnotanytimesoon.Masonwasn’thelpingmeoutofthegoodnessofhisheart.I
wasgoingtobeCorded,andthenI’dbelivingalifemuchlikeAddison’s.Icouldhandle
it.Quinncouldtoo.ItwouldbebetterthanalifeatCentral.AtleastIhopeditwouldbe.
Panicstartedtosetin,butIpusheditaway.I’dhaveEthansneakherandBaileyoutifit
camedowntoit.Theyweretheimportantones.
Ifoundanemptyshowerandstrippeddown.Iwasn’tusetobathingsooften,butit
offeredanescapefromarealityIwasn’treadytoface.Iletthewaterwashoverme.I
greedilyusedit,lettingitgivemeamomentofpeace.
“Wouldyoulookatthat.”Monapulledopenedthecurtain.
IcoveredmyselfasbestIcould,shockedbytheintrusionandtheburstofcoolair.
“What?Embarrassed?”Monagrinned.“You’regoingtohavetogetoverthatquickly
ifyouaregoingtosurvivehere,”shetaunted.“Mightaswellstartrightnow.”
Gigglingfilledtheroomandtwoothergirlswalkedin.
IgrabbedformytowelbutMonatookit.“What’sthematter?”
“Givememytowelplease.”Ifoughtbacktearsthatwantedtospill.Iwouldn’tlet
Monaseewhathercruelnesswasdoingtome.Shedidn’tdeservetoknow.
“Please?”Monalaughed.“Youthinkthatwordmeansanythinghere?Thereareonly
ordershere.Gotit?Youareaprisoner,aslave.Pleasemeansnothing.”Hereyeswere
darkandasunfriendlyasherwords,buttherewasasadnessinthemthatdidn’tcome
throughinhervoice.
“Ithoughtyouwereallwilling.”Ireachedformytowelagain,butshehelditaway.
“Willingbecausewehavenootherchoice.Whatshouldwedoinstead?Runoutside
andgetrapedbythestreethustlers?OrgettakeninbytheReignwhowillbeatusas
theyrapeus,andrevelinit?”Therewasnotraceofthelaughterfrombefore.Shewas
talkingaboutrealandhorriblethreatsonlyastepaway.
Ishivered,bothfromthecoldandfromfear.
“Getovertheembarrassmentandgetreadytodoyourshare.Ifnot,getoutof
here.”ShepointedtothedoorasifIhadachoice.Asifitcouldbethateasytowalk
away.Shehadnoidea.
Inodded.
Monatossedmemytowel.“Yourdaddymayhavethoughthewasdoingyoua
favorbyshieldingyou,buthewasn’t.Hefailedyou,andnowyou’resoinoveryour
headyoudon’tknowit.Doyouevenknowhowtobewithaman?Hasanyonetaught
you?”
“Itissomethingthatneedstobetaught?”Iwrappedthetowelaroundme.Iwas
gratefulforthecoverage,butitdidnothingforthechill.Istillshivered.
Allthreegirlslaughed.Monagrinned.“Ornot.Maybethesurprisewillbeenjoyable
foryou.”
“Getout!”Addison’svoicebrokethroughthelaughing.“Getoutnow.”
“Calmdown.Wewereonlyeducatingournewfriend.”Monawinked.
“Educateyourselvesandgetout.”Addisonfumed.
“She’sgoingtohavetofacethemusiceventually.”Monawalkedouttakingthe
othergirlswithher.
“Areyouokay?”Addisoninspectedme.
“I’mfine,”Iansweredquickly.Ididn’twanthersympathy.Iwasstrongerthanthat.
IfIcouldn’thandlethesegirls,howwasIgoingtobeabletohandleeverythingelsethat
wastocome?
“Ifyou’resure.”Addisoneyedmewarily.“I’msorryaboutthem.”
“There’snoreasonforyoutobesorry.”
“PleaseknowIdon’tfeelthatway.I’mgladyou’rehere.Yetsorry.”Shelooked
downatthewhitetilefloor.
Iadjustedthetowelaroundme.“Sorry?”
“Isn’tthatpartobvious?”Shelookedupagain.
“YoumeanbecauseIhavetobeCorded?”Iwassounfamiliarwithconversingwith
othergirls.MysisterandIweresocloseweusuallycouldguesseachother’sthoughts.
Addisonnodded.“I’msureyouhadabetterlifebefore.Eventhoughit’snotawful
here,well,it’snoparadiseeither.”
“Ididhaveabetterlife.”Evenwiththeconstantfear,itwasbetter.Wewere
together,andBaileywassafe.Andmyfatherwasalive.Apangpiercedmyheart.
“I’llletyougetdressed.”Addisonturnedtoleave.“AndI’llmakesurethegirlsdon’t
botheryouagain.”
“Thanks.”Iforcedthetiniestofsmiles.“Iappreciateyoudefendingme.”
“Weneedtosticktogether.We’renotasdifferentasyoumightthink.”She
disappearedthroughthedoorway.
Ihurrieddownthehalltotheclosetandhastilythrewonclothesthathopefully
matched.I’dspentmywholelifewearingoff-white;itwashardtotransitiontotheidea
thatsomecolorsmightnotgoperfectlytogether.Eitherway,Iknewitdidn’tmatter.
Masondidn’thavemethereformywardrobechoices.
ELEVEN
THEROOMWAS
quietbythetimeIslippedoutofthesuite.Ifiguredthegirlshad
eithergonetotheirjobsorgonetosleep.
IknewwhereIwantedtogo,anditdidn’tinvolvewaitingforMason.Iwalkedout
intothehallwayanddirectlytowardtheelevator.
Ipressedthedownbutton.Thetechnologywasstillnewtome,butitwasn’tdifficult
tounderstand.Iwonderedwhatelsewouldbecomesecondnaturebeforelong.
Ijumpedasacoolhandtouchedmyneckfrombehind.“Kayla,isit?”
Iturnedaftertakingafewsecondstocomposemyself,fearfulofwhoeverthemale
was.“Yes.”
AmanIrecognizedfromthelounge,buthadnevermet,staredatme.“Ididn’t
meantostartleyou.”
“Oh.It’sokay.”Iglancedbackattheelevatordoorthatwasstillclosed.Whywasit
takingsolong?
Heignoredmyquestionandinsteadaskedoneofhisown.“Howareyouenjoying
Sraysofar?”
“It’sbeenfine.”Istruggledtokeepmyexpressionneutral.
“ReadyforyourCording?”Hesteppedclosertome.
“WheneverMasonsaysit’stime.”Iavertedmyeyesincasehecouldsomehowread
therewasmoretoitthananormalCording.
“Allenwillbebacksoon.”Helickedhisbottomlip.
“Oh.Yeah.”ItriedtoactcalmerthanIreallyfelt.
“Whereareyouheaded?”
“TheHydros.”
“Why?”Hefurrowedhisbrow.
“Becausetheyinterestme.”
“TheHydros?Theonesproducingfood?”
“Arethereothers?”HadImissedthatonmytour?
“No,butIcan’timaginewhyagirllikeyouwouldwanttogothere.”Henarrowed
hiseyes.“Unlessit’stoseesomeone.”Hisconfusedlookbecameoneofannoyance.
“I’mfromtheRurals.”Iassumedthatwouldexplainitwellenough.
“And?”Hegesturedwithhishandformetocontinue.
“MeaningIhavespentmywholelifeonafarm.”
“Oh.”Understandingcrossedhisface.“Feelsclosesttohomethananythingelse.”
“Yes.”Inodded,gratefulheunderstood.
“ButtheHydrosarenothinglikethekindoffarmsyouknow.”
“Iknowthat.Buttheystillinterestme.”ItwastheonlythingattheSraythat
interestedme.Everythingelsewastaintedwithsexandalcohol,twothingsIknew
nothingaboutandhadabsolutelynointerestin.
Hehittheelevatorbuttonasifitweren’talreadylitbecauseI’dpressedit.“I’lltake
youdownthere.”
“Icanfindmyownway.”Ididn’tknowwhothisguywas,buthemademe
incrediblyuncomfortable.
“Idon’tmind.”Heranhisarmdownmyarm.
Ipulleditawayoutofinstinct.Hefrownedbutdidn’ttrytotouchmeagain.
Afteranotherfewmomentstheelevatorappeared.Isteppedon,knowingfullwell
themanwasfollowing.He’dneverintroducedhimself,butthenagainIhadn’tasked
hisname.Myomissionhadn’tbeenanaccident.Ididn’tcarewhathisnamewas.It
didn’tmatterbecauseitwouldn’thelpmeachievemygoal.IfIcouldfocusonmygoal,
everythingelsewouldbeokay.
Istaredatthebuttonsonthewalltryingtorememberforsurewhichfloorthe
Hydroswereon.HowcouldIhaveforgottenthatdetail?
“Youwantthethirdfloor.”Hisvoicecamefromrightbesidemeastheelevator
doorsclosed.Inthelargeelevator,he’dchosentostandrightbesideme.
Istartedtopressthethree,buthepushedmyhandaway.“Ifyouaren’tinarush,
howaboutwetakeadetour?”
“Adetour?”Imethiseyes.“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Surelyyoucannotbethatinnocent.”Hesmiled,revealingtworowsofunnaturally
whiteteeth.
“IneedtogettotheHydros.”
“You’regoingtherebecausetheyinterestyou.Thatdoesn’tmeanyouneedtoget
therenow.”Hepressedanunlabeledbutton.Theelevatorstayedinthesameplace.
“Ok,butIwanttogettherenow.”
“Iwanttotakeadetourfirst.Thatwaywebothwin.”
Ishookmyhead.“That’snothowthisworks.”
“Oh,yousureaboutthat?”Themanlaughed.“Youthinkyouknowhowanyofthis
works?”
“Yes.”IpretendedtohavefarmoreconfidencethanIactuallyhad.
“DoyouhaveanyideawhoIam?”Hemovedcloser.
“No.”Itriedtostepaway,buttheresultjusthadmepinnedtothewallofthe
elevator.“Youdidn’tgivemeyourname.”
“Ishouldn’thavetogiveyoumynamebecauseyoushouldknowit.”
“Ijustgothere.”Ihopedthatqualifiedassomesortofdefense.
“I’mintheCircle.”Heleanedahandonthewallbesideme.“Iassumeyouknow
whatthatmeans.”
“I’veheardtheterm.”Myheartrateaccelerated,butItriedtostaycalm.
“Thenyouunderstandthingsworkdifferentlyformehere.”
ButIalsoknewIwassafeatthemoment.Hecouldn’tdoanything.“Ihaven’tbeen
Corded.”
“Youthinkamarkonyourarmchangeseverything?Youareherelivingunderour
protection.Cordedornot,youbelongtotheSray.”
“No.”Ishookmyhead.“Idon’tbelongtoanyone.”
“Isthatso?”Hecuppedmychinwithhishand.“Youreallythinkthat?”
“Yes.”Ishookhishandaway.
Hestartedtoundohisbelt,andIshook.Thiswasn’thappening.Notnow.
IkickedhimashardasIcouldbetweenhislegs.Hefelltotheground.Ipressed
everybuttonIcouldtryingtogettheelevatortomove.Itdidnothing.Hereachedfor
myankle,tryingtopullmedown.Ipressedanotherbutton,andsuddenlyitopened.
“Whatthehell?”Ethansteppedintotheelevator.
Irantohissidehalfoutofoldhabitandhalfoutofreliefsomeonewasthere.
“Getoutofhere,Ethan.Thisbitchwillpay.”
“Payforwhat?”Ethansteppedinfrontofme.“Surelyshedidn’tleaveyouinthat
conditionfornogoodreason.”
“Don’tforgetwhoyou’retalkingto.”Themanseethed.
“Orwhat?Whatdidyouthinkyouweregoingtodo,Greer?Haveherfirst?Don’t
youthinkMasonwouldhavebeenangryatyou?”
“Likehewouldhaveknown.”
“Hewouldhave…andhewillifyoudon’tgetoffthiselevatorrightnow.”Ethan
squeezedmyarm.Iwasn’tsurewhatthemotionmeant,butallIcoulddowasstare.
Greerwalkedawaybutnotwithoutglaringatme.Hepointedatme.“Youwillpay
forthat.Iassureyou,youwillpay.”
Ethanglancedoverhisshoulderbeforehurriedlypressingdoorcloseonthe
elevator.Hepushedabutton,andIwatchedthistimetoseewhatbuttonfrozeit.
“You’restupid.Sostupid.”
“Thatwasn’tmyfault.”
“Notthat.Allofthis.Younevershouldhavecomehere.Itwasamistake.”
“Ihadnochoice.”Iwrappedmyarmsovermychest.“Ihadnowhereelsetoturn.I
neededyourhelp.”
“Youshouldhaveansweredmyletters.”Hiseyesfilledwithfear.“ThenIwould
havebeentheretoprotectyouinthefirstplace.”
Ilookeddeepintohiseyes,lookingforaglimpseoftheboyIusedtoknow.Isaw
someoneentirelydifferent.“Youcouldn’thavestoppedthetraders.Benjamintriedand
nowhe’sdead.”
Ethanshrugged.“Benjaminwasweak.”
“No.Thetraderswerestronger.Thereisadifference.”
“Wecouldhavehadalifetogether.Itwouldhavebeenahellofalotbetterthan
this.”
“Yes.”Inodded.“Wecouldhave.Butyouleft.”
“Iofferedtocomeback.Iwantedtocomeback.”Ethansoundedsoyoung,and
muchmoreliketheboyIonceknew.
ButIwasn’tfooled.Hewasn’tthesame.AndneitherwasI.“Onlywhenyourealized
thiswasn’tparadise.Youdidn’twantme.Youneverdid.Youonlywantedsex,andyou
didn’tcarewhereitcamefrom.Youwererightaboutonething;Iwasstupid.Iwas
stupidtocareaboutyou.IwasstupidtocomeherebecauseIshouldhaveknownyou’d
neverhelpanyoneunlessitdirectlyhelpedyou.”Ididn’tcry.Ididn’tscream.Ethan
didn’tdeservemytearsormyanger.Ithadallbecomeclear,crystalclear.“Butthanks
forshowingupwhenyoudid.”
“I’llfindawaytogetyououtofhere,”Heloweredhisvoicetoawhisper.“Weneed
todoitbeforetheCording.”
“YoucanhelpmegetQuinn?”Ididn’thidemydisbelieffrommyvoice.
“That’simpossible!”Ethansnapped.“Completelyimpossible.”
“Nothingisimpossible.”IsoundedlikeQuinn,butforonceIwantedtobelostin
hopesanddreams.TheywereallIhadleft.
“ThetraderssoldhertoReine.YouandIbothknowthat.Noonecanbreakin
there.”
Ishookmyhead.“No.She’snotwiththeReine.”
“Whatmakesyousosure?”Henarrowedhiseyes.
“Becauseshe’satCentral.Theytookherthereinstead.”
“Central?”Hiseyeswidened.“Why?WhywouldtheytakehertherewhentheReine
wouldpaymore?”
“Theyjustdid.”
“You’relying.”Hegrabbedmyarms.“Tellmeeverything,Kayla.Ican’thelpyouifI
don’tknowthewholestory.”
Idebatedwhattodoorsay.Iftherewasanychancehecouldhelpandsaveme
frombeingCorded,Ihadtodoit.“Shehasachild.”
“Achild?”Ethan’seyesgrewevenbigger.“Areyouserious?”
“Yes.”
“AreyouaBreedertoo?”Helookedatmewithneweyes.
“Idon’tknow.”Ilookeddown.“Obviously.Youheardmyconversationwith
Mason.”
“Youmightbe.”Acombinationofexcitementandfearcrossedhisface.“That
decidesit.Youhavetogetoutofhere.”
“Yes,becauseIhavetosaveQuinnandBailey.”
“BreakingabreederoutofCentralisimpossible.Andthey’llkeepthekidtoo.The
systemisn’tproducinglikeitusedto.”Hewrunghishands.“Andthey’lltakeyou.Seeif
theycanmakeyoubreed.Youdon’twantthat.”
IwasgladBaileycouldalsobeaboy’sname.Icouldn’ttrustEthan.Icouldn’ttrust
anyone.“Thenpleaseleavemealone.”
“DoyoureallythinkMasonisgoingtohelpyou?”Ethanputoneofhishandsinhis
pantspocket.“Whenhefindsoutwhat’sreallygoingon…”Ethanstartedtosweat.
“Eitherhe’sgoingtoturnyouin,orIdon’tevenwanttoknow.”
“Rightnowhe’smyonlyoption.Andhe’snotgoingtoturnmein.I’mvaluableto
him.”
“He’smessingwithyou,Kayla.Youhavetotrustme.Hewasnevergoingtohelp
you.”
“Buthehasareasontohelp.IfhecangetQuinn…”
“She’sabreeder…Centralisgoingtoraisehellifhetriestogether.Agirlisn’tworth
thattrouble.”
“Butshe’sblond.Likeme.”
“Hehasyou.Thatmakesherlessimportant.Andthat’sallassuminghedoesn’tgive
youawaytosavehimselftrouble.IfQuinnsendsCentralhere…”
“Shewon’t.Shedoesn’tknowI’mhere.Thisplancamemuchlateraftershewas
kidnapped.”Ididn’thavethehearttotellhimabouthiscousin.Istillwasn’treadyto
acceptthattheonepersonwho’dbeensowillingtohelpmewaslikelydead.“Besides,
isn’taBreederworthsomething?Ifshehadbabies…”Myskincrawledthinkingabout
whatshe’dhavetodotohavethosebabies.ButIneededtobelievetherewasareason
forMasontohelp.
“What’shegoingtodowithababyboy?SellittoCentral?Stillnotworthit.”
ButBaileywasn’taboy.Andthatinformationmightbemyticket.“EitherwayI
needtotakethechance.”
“Butyou’llgetnootherchances.Youdon’twantthislifeforyourself.Youdeserve
better.”
“Betterthanthegirlshere?Theonesyouuse?”
Hefrowned.“Idon’tusethem.Andthey’redifferent.”
“Ofcourseyou’reusingthem.YousayI’mstupid,yetyou’rebeingintentionally
blockheaded.”Iwasdoneplayingnice.I’dlaidmycardsonthetable,andhestillwasn’t
willingtohelp.
“Blockheaded?”Hecrackedasmile.Itseemedforeignonhisagedface.“Isthata
newwordofyours?”
“YouknowexactlywhatImean.”Iglaredathim.“Icamehereforyourhelp,but
youwon’tgiveit.”
“Iwon’thelpyoudosomethingcompletelyimpossible.Don’tmakeitouttobe
somethingitisn’t.”
“Fine.ThenI’mgoingdowntotheHydros.”
“Why?What’sthepoint?”
“Iwantto.Theseareprobablymylastfewdaysoffreedom.Iwanttousethemthe
wayIwanttousethem.”
“Please,don’tdothis.Icanstillgetyouout.”Heputhishandsonmyshoulders.
“Ineedtosavethem,Ethan.”Isighed.“I’mnotsurehowtoexplainitanyother
way,buttheyareapartofme.Ican’tletanythinghappentothem.”
Henoddedsolemnly.“Fine.IwilldowhatIcantoprotectyou,butyouneedtodo
yourpart.NomorehurtingmembersoftheCircle.”
“Youknowwhathewasgoingtodotome.”Myskincrawledatthethought.
“Yes,butyoushouldn’thavebeenalonewithhimtobeginwith.”
“ThencomewithmetotheHydros.Youwanttohelp,that’sawaytodoit.”It
wasn’t,butIwantedtogetridofthestrangenessbetweenus.We’dnevergobackto
whatwewere,buthewasfromtheRurals.Evenyearsawaycouldnoterasethe
childhoodwespenttogether.
Hepressedthebutton,releasingtheelevator,butwedidn’tmove.Insteadthedoor
opened,andMasonsteppedinside.“Whatisgoingonhere?”HeglaredatEthan.
“Nothing.”Ethansteppedawayfromme.Itwasstillstrangewatchinghimso
beholdentoanother.“IamescortingKayladowntotheHyrdros.”
“Thenwhywastheelevatorstopped?”Masonscowled.
“Becausewewerespeakingforafewmoments.”
“Isthatso?Wellsinceyou’vehadplentyoftimetocatchup,I’lltakeKayladown.”
Masongrabbedmyarm.
Ethannodded.“Yes,asyouwish.”
“AndEthan?”Masoncalledashelefttheelevator.
“Yes?”
“IfyouwanttospeakwithKaylaagain,doitinfrontofme.”
Ethansentmeadeepandsadlook,buthenodded.“Absolutely.”
Thedoorslidclosed.
“Greatnews.”Masonkeptaholdofmyarm,butheloosenedupabit.“Allenisback.
TheCordingwillbetonight.”
“Oh.Wow.”IwasexcitedIwasonestepclosertogoingafterQuinnandBailey,but
nervousaboutwhatelsetheCordingmeant.
“Sowewon’tbegoingtotheHydrosforlong.”
Inodded.“Iunderstand.”
“Whatdidhesaytoupsetyou?”Masondidn’tneedtotellmehemeantEthan.
“Nothing.”
“Youlookshaken.”
“Itwasn’tEthan,”Istartedtodefendhim.ThenIstopped.
“Whatdoyoumean?”Masonwatchedmewarily.
“Nothing.”Iwasanidiot.Ethanwasright.
“Areyousure?”Masonleanedin.
“Absolutely.I’mfine.Thisisallnewtome.That’sall.”
“ItwillgetbetteraftertheCording.”HeranhisfingersovermyarminthespotI’d
seentheothergirlsmarked.
Iwishedhiswordscouldpossiblybetrue.
TWELVE
IWORE
adifferentgreendressthatnight:AnAddisondesignwithhalterstrapsanda
lowneckline.I’drolledmyeyesattheneckline,butsheonlyshrugged.Supposedly
MasonhadrequestedIwearthatstylespecifically.Thereweresomanythingswrong
withthesituation;arguingabouttheclothingchoicewasn’tworthit.
Iwaitednervouslyinsidethelounge,gratefulAddisonstayedclosetomyside.Iwas
shaking.AgreeingtotheCordinghadbeentheeasypart.Itwassimpletopushaway
fearswhentheyweren’timminent.Butthetimetofacerealitywasnow.Ireminded
myselfitwasallworthitforBailey.AnythingwasworthitforBailey.Ibreathedslowly
inandoutofmymouth.ItwasatrickmyfathertaughtmewhenIhadpanicattacks
thefirstfewtimesthetraderscame.
“Itonlyhurtsforasecond.”Addisonleanedoverfromherspotonthestoolnextto
me.“Itwillbeoverreallyquickly.”
Inodded.Iwasn’tworriedaboutphysicalpain,especiallyifitweretemporary.
QuinnandBaileywerelikelygoingthroughmuchworse.
“Drinksomething.Itdullsthepain.”Sheheldadelicateglassouttome.“Trustme
onthis.”
Addisonmeantwell.Iknewshedid,butIwastiredofbeingtoldtodullwhatwas
happening.“No.”Ididn’twanttodullthepain.Dullingdifficultsituationsnevermade
thembetter.
“Theothergirlswillbenicertoyouafterthis.That’sonegoodthing.”Addison
sippedfromthedrinkIrefused.“Iknowthatisn’tmuchofaconsolation,butit’s
something.”
“Why?”Ihadahunch,buttheconversationwashelpingwiththenerves.Iwas
happytotalkaboutanythingbuttheCordingitself.
“Becauseyou’llbedoingyourpart.”Addisontookanotherlongsip.“Doingthe
thingstheyhavetodo.That’swhytheyhateyourightnow.Theythinkyouthink
you’rebetterthanthem.”
“Idon’t.”Irestedmyhandsinmysilkcoveredlap.
“Butyoufeelpity.”Addisonlookeddown.“Formeaswell.”
Ishookmyhead.
“Don’tdenyit.It’snormal.You’refromadifferentworldthanours.”Sheswirled
aroundherdrink.
“It’snotpityIfeel.”Itwasn’t.“It’sjustabouteveryotheremotion.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”Shesetherglassonthecounter.
“Ifeelangryathowweevengothere.Ifeelsadforthelivesnoneofcanlead.Ifeel
ashamedforthethingsweallhavetodo.Iincludemyselfinthat.Butnotpity.”Pity
wasapointlessemotion.Itdidnothing.Itonlyhurt.
“Areyousureyoudon’tneedadrink?”Addisonleanedcloser.
“I’msure.”Nothingwasgoingtohelpmynerves.Ihadtofacewhateverwas
coming.
Nothinghappenedatfirst.Itwasjustliketheothernights.Thesameloudmusic
withthebeatthatmadeitnearlyimpossiblenottotapmytoes.Itwasthesamegroups
ofmenswirlingaroundandlookingatme.
“Ihavetomingle.”Addisonstood.“Yougoingtobeallright?”
“Sure.I’mfine.”Iheldontotheedgeofmystool.“Dowhatyouhavetodo.”
“ObviouslyI’dprefertositandtalktoyou…”
“I’llbeinthesamepositionasyousoonenough.”Ornot.Iwasn’tsurewhata
personalCordingwouldmeanforhowmyeveningswouldgo.
“I’llbethereforyouinthemorning.Ipromise.”Shesqueezedbothofmyhands
beforedisappearingintothecrowd.
Iwatchedafterher,focusingonherreddressbeforeitdisappearedintotheseaof
blackandnavysuits.Withallthecoloroptionsavailable,themenstillchoosetobe
monochrome.Onlythegirlsworebrightcolors—albeitontinystripsoffabricthat
barelyconstitutedclothing.
ForamomentIconsideredaskingthemanbehindthebarforadrink.Maybe
Addisonwasright,drinkingwouldmakethingseasieronme,buteasierwasn’talways
better.Ipushedthethoughtoutofmyhead.Itookafewdeepcalmingbreaths,butall
ofthatwasfornothingasIwatchedGreerheadingmyway.
Ilookedtowardthedoor,hopinghe’dgetdistractedbeforehereachedme.
“Don’tthinkI’veforgottenyourlittlegameearlier.”HetooktheseatAddisonhad
vacated.
“Itwasn’tagame.”
“Itwas.Andtherewillbeconsequences.”
“Yousaidasmuchearlier.”Ipretendedhewasjustoneoftheboysfromtown.That
madeiteasier.
“Ifyouhadn’tkickedmeintheballs,Imightactuallylikeyou.”Hescootedhisstool
closertomine.
“Ifyouhadn’ttriedtotouchme,Iwouldn’thavekickedyouthere.”
“Youaregoingtohavetostopbeingsosensitiveaboutbeingtouched.”Hiswords
weresurprisinglykind.Gonewastheanger.Insteadtherewasathinlevelof
understanding.Peopleweresomuchmorecomplicatedherecomparedtomyfamily.
“Iknow.”
“AndIshouldn’tmonopolizeyourtimerightnow.”Hebrushedhislipsagainstmy
cheek.“I’llbeseeingyouplentysoon.”
BeforeIcouldreacthestoodandstartedbackacrosstheroom.Thecrowdquieted
asMasonwalkedintothecenteroftheroom.
MasonspokebutIcouldn’thearhiswords.InsteadmyheadpoundedasIthought
aboutmyfuture.Ididn’twanttodothis.Ididn’twantamarkonmethatsignifiedthe
endofmyfreedom,butIhadnochoice.Icouldn’tbeselfish.
IclosedmyeyesandthoughtofeverythinggoodthingIcouldremember.
Mymother’svoice.ReadingwithQuinn.HoldingBaileyforthefirsttime.Bailey’s
laugh.Mybrother’sjokes.Myfather’ssmile.
Isoakeditin.TriedtotransportmyselfbacktoatimewhenIwashappy—evenifat
anymomentwe’dknownourhappinesscoulddisappear.
“Jarrett,pleasebringupKayla.”Mason’suseofmynamebrokemefrommy
concentration.Jarrettwalkedoverwithaslightsmileonhisface.Icouldn’treturnit.
InsteadIswallowedhardashetookmyarmandhelpedmedownfrommystool.“It’s
goingtobeok.I’lllookoutforyou,”hewhisperedinmyear.NormallyIwouldhave
refusedthehelp,butIwassonervousIcouldbarelywalkstraight.MaybeMonawas
right;someoneshouldhavetaughtmesomethingaboutbeingwithaman.About
belongingtoaman.Butitwastoolatenow.
Inodded,inadazeaswecrossedtheroom.IwonderedifJarrett’spromisedwords
wouldholdtruewhenhediscoveredIwasinforapersonalCording.Ialsowondered
howthegirlswouldreact.WouldIbeevenmorehated?
Myheartbeatfasterandfaster,andIstartedtosweat.Iwaitedformyadrenalinto
kickin,topushawaythefear,butitdidn’t.Iwasterrified.
Masonwalkedtowardus.HetookmyarmfromJarrett.Helookedintomyeyesbut
saidnothing.Iwasgratefulforthesilence;Ihadnowordstospeak.
Masonheldontomyarmasheledmeovertowhereanoldermanstoodwitha
heavy-lookingcircularmetaldevice.Therewerenomarkingsonit,insteadthefinish
wasshiny,andbythestrainedlookontheman’sface,ithadtobeheavytoo.
Themanlookedupatmeandsmiled.“Doyouwillinglyagreetobecomemarkedas
belongingexclusivelytotheSray?”
Hissmilethrewmeoff.Whywashesmiling?WhatwastheretosmileaboutwhenI
wasabouttogiveupmyfreedom?Itwasinexchangeforhelp,buthedidn’tknowthat.
AnddidIdoanormalCordingfirst?HadMasonchangedhismind?
Ithoughtoverthequestions,andmyheartrateaccelerated.
Masontookmyhandandbrushedhislipsagainsthisears.“Itwillgoexactlyaswe
discussed.Igiveyoumyword.Sayyes,andIsweareverythingwillbeokay.”
Hisreassurancesshouldn’thavemattered,butIfeltasifIweredrowningand
searchingforanythingtoholdonto.Hiswordscalledouttome,andIheldontothem.
“Yes.”
“Good.”Masonnoddedandslippedmyarmintothedevice.
Mychestclenchedasthedevicelitup.Ibitmyliptostopfromcryingoutasitlitup.
Thepainstartedasapinchandgrew,asifathousandneedleswerestickingintomy
arm.Itendedquickly,justasAddisonhadpromisedandstartedtofade.
ItookadeepbreathandturnedtoMason,proudofmyselfforremainingonmyfeet
andkeepingmytearsatbay.
Hemetmyeyeswithsomethingakintosympathy.Ididn’twanthissympathy.
HeheldupmyarmnowadornedwiththeblackmarkoftheSray.Istaredatmy
foreignskin.Mystomachlurched.Ifeltsicktotheverydepthsofmysoul.Itwasn’tthe
presenceofthemarkthatupsetme,butthemeaningbehindit.
Theroomcheered.Iavertedmyeyes,unwillingtofindEthan’seyesoutthere.I
wantednojudgement;IwasdoingwhatIhadtodo.
Ilookeddownandtriedtocalmmyself.EverythingwouldbeokayifMasonwas
truetohisword.Itriedtopretenditwasover,eventhoughIknewitwasn’t.
“Buttonightisevenmorespecial.”Masonpulledmecloser.“Asyouallknow,itisin
myrightstoCordonegirlasmyown.Ihaveyettomakethatclaim,butIwilltonight.”
Masontookthedevicebackfromtheman.
Iheardmuffledwordsbeingspoken,butallIwasawareofwasMasonputtingthe
machinebackonmyarm.
Thestingingpainwastwiceasbadthistime.Masonwatchedmethewholetime.He
offeredhishand,butIrefusedit.Icouldhandlethepainonmyown.Thetinyprick
grewstronger,andIwaitedforittobeover.Iwaspreparedforthesearingpain,butit
tooklongerthistimebeforeitdisappeared.
WhenthedevicewasremovedaseparateinsigniawithanMwasaddedtothe
originaldesign.Ilookedaway.Icouldn’tbeartoseeit.
“Iexpectyouallunderstandthelevelofrespectthatneedstobeshowntoher.”
Masonspoke,butitsoundedfaraway.Everythingfeltfaraway.Iwasfalling,andI
knewtherewasnowaytogetupagain.
“Enjoytherestofyourevening.”Masonnoddedasiftodismisstheothers.Hetook
myarmandledmetowardthedoor.Ikeptmyeyesdown,knowingfullwellthetears
hadstartedandtherewasabsolutelynothingIcoulddotostopthemnow.
THIRTEEN
MASON
BEAUTIFULANDSHAKEN
.ThosewerethebestwordstodescribeKaylaasIledher
downthehallwaytowardmyroom.Shehadn’tutteredaword,andIdidn’tpressher.
AlthoughIcouldn’ttrulyimaginehowshewasfeeling,Icouldtakeaguess.
Ipulledopenoneoftheheavywoodendoorsseparatingmylivingspacefromthe
others,allwhilekeepinganarmwrappedaroundher.Shelookedsofragile.Iwas
afraidshe’dfallandbreakifIletgo.
WithoutawordIledherthroughthedoorwayandlockedthedoorbehindus—
tryingthelockanextratimeforgoodmeasure.Iwantedtoensurewehadcomplete
privacy.
I’dneverseriouslyconsideredtakingagirlasmyown.Therightwasthere,butit
wasariskyone.Takingagirlthatcouldbelongtothemanyformyselfcouldbeseenas
selfish—anditcouldleadtomydownfall—butIhadnochoice.I’dknownfromthe
momentIlaideyesonherIhadtohaveher,andIwouldneverbeabletostomach
anyoneelselayingahandonher.
Iwalkedherthroughthesittingareaandthroughasecondsetofdoubledoorsthat
housedmybedroomandbathroom.Itwasaspacenooneelseenteredotherthanto
clean.Ineverbroughtthegirlstomyroom.Isawthemelsewhere—inaplacewhereI
couldleaveeasilywhenIwasfinishedwiththem.ButIwasn’tgoingtowanttoleave
Kayla.IwouldneverbefinishedwithherbecauseIknewbehindthosehauntedeyes
therewassomethingworthknowing.Somethingworthkeeping.
“Ilaidoutsomethingforyoutosleepinonthebed.”IpointedtothesilknightieI’d
selectedforher.Itwasblack—andIwaseagertoseehowitlookedagainstherpale
skin.Andhowherblondecurlswouldlookfallingdowntheback.
Iwenthardthinkingaboutit.Aboutherwearingitonlyforme.Iswallowedhard.“I
willleaveyoutothat.”
Shenodded,andIaskedfornothingelse.Iwalkedbackoutthroughthedouble
doorstogiveherprivacyandtogivemyselfafewmomentstofigureoutmyplan.
IwaitedaslongasIcould,untilIcouldn’tstayawayanylonger.Iwalkedback
throughthedoorway.
AndthenIsawthemostbeautifulsightintheworld.Shewasstandingthereinthe
blacksilk,withherhairfreeandhangingdownherback.Sheranherteethoverher
bottomlipinawayIknewwasnervesratherthanaflirtatiousmove.Shehadone
handwrappedoverherbody,buteveryotherpartofherwasondisplay—includingher
longlegsandcleavagethatmademeachetoseemore.
Isaidnothingforamoment,unabletospeakasItookherin.
ThenInoticedtheshivering.
“You’recold?”Iwashot.SohotIcouldbarelystandit.
“No.”Sheshookherhead.
“Thenwhyareyoushivering?”
“Thereareotherreasonstoshiver.”Sheblinkedafewtimesasiftryingtofightoff
tears.
Otherreasonsmeantme.Shewasafraidofme.
“I’mnotgoingtohurtyou,”Itriedtoreassureher,togetridoftheworryinher
stunningblueeyes.
“Idon’tunderstandanyofthis.Youmightfindthattobeagoodthing,butIdon’t.
I’mnotsoproudIwon’tadmitI’mafraid.”
“There’snoreasontobeafraid.You’resafewithme.”
“Safetyisintheeyeofthebeholder.”Shetightenedherarmsaroundherself.
“Doyouexpectmetoforcemyselfonyou?”
Bythelookinhereyes,sheabsolutelydid.
“Didn’tyoulistentowhatItoldyou?Nothingisforcedhere.We’renottheReine.”
Sheshivered,andIhatedit.Ihatedthatshefeltthreatenedbyanything.“Bynot
forcedyoumeanyouaren’tviolentaboutit,butit’sstillforced.Whatwouldhappenifa
girlrefusedtodowhatshe’sherefor?IfsherefusedamanoftheCircle,forexample?”
“Thathasn’tbeenanissue.”
“Ithasn’tbeenanissuebecausethegirlsarealltooafraidtomakeitanissue.
They’reafraidofwhatwouldhappentothem.”Shebitdownonherlip.
“Andyou’reafraidofthat?”Isteppedtowardher.
“Ofcourse.ButI’mmoreafraidyouwon’thelpmesavemysister.”
“IpromisedyouIwouldgiveyouhelp.Iamamanofmyword.”
“Thenlet’sgetthisoverwith.”Shewatchedme.“DoItakethisoffordoyou?”She
startedtoslipdownastrapoftheblacksatin.
“Neitherofuswillbedoingthattonight.”Imanagedallofmyresolve.“Ialready
toldyounothingisforcedhere.”
“Thisisn’tforced.”Shemetmyeyes.“Thisispartofthedeal.”
“Doingsomethingoutofdesperationistantamounttobeingforced.”
“Thatmeansallthegirlsareforced.Don’ttreatmedifferently.”Herhandstwisted
intofistsatherside.“Ineedhelpsavingmysister.”
“Whenyouarereadytowillinglygiveyourselftome,wecantalkaboutthedetails.”
“Iamwilling.”Sheslippedoffthefabric,revealinghercompletelynakedbodyto
me.
Ihardened,andmyeyestookintheabsolutebeautyinfrontofme.
“Iamupholdingmysideofthebargain.Youupholdyours.”Tearsstreameddown
herface.
“Iamnotgoingtohaveyouwhenyou’recrying.”Ipickedupherdiscardednightie,
andslippeditbackontoher.
“I’llstopcrying.”
“Itwillnothappentonight.”Ipointedtothebed.“Getinbed.Iwilljoinyouwhen
I’mready.”
“Youjusttoldmenothingwillhappentonight.”
“Youwillsleepinmybed.Besideme.”Icuppedherchinandmadeherlookatme.
“Youwillletallintheclubbelieveyouareno-longeruntouched.Isthatunderstood?”
“Thenwhynotjustdoit?Getitoverwith?”
“DoyouunderstandthesignificanceofmyhavingCordedyou?”Iheldontoher
chin.
“Yes.”AtleastIthoughtIdid.
“Good,thenyoushouldknowthefirsttimeIhaveyouwillnotbewithyoucryingas
ifyouarebeingraped.Itwillbebecauseyouwantmetohaveyou.”
“I’mnevergoingtowantthat.”Shegrittedherteeth.“Iamonlydoingthisformy
sister.”
“Youaredoingaswasexpected,soIwillupholdmypartofthebargain.Butnot
tonight.Wecandiscussyoursisterinthemorning.Getinbed.Iwilljoinyouinafew
minutes.”IturnedmybackandhurriedintothebathroomtoshowerbeforeIcould
changemymind.
TherewassomethingaboutKaylathatwassoinnocent,soprecious.Iwouldn’tsteal
fromher.Iwouldn’ttakeuntilshewasreadytogive.
FOURTEEN
KAYLA
THEBED
nexttomewasemptywhenIawoke.Isatup,pullingthesheetaroundme,
notwantingtonoticejusthowsoftitwas.TherewereluxurieshereInevercouldhave
dreamedof,buttheydidn’tmatter.NothingmatteredotherthangettingtoQuinnand
Bailey.
JustbecauseMasonwasn’tinbeddidn’tmeanIwasalone.Thesoundofrunning
waterprovedmeright.Iglancedaroundthefloorformyclothesfromthenightbefore
butdidn’tseethem.HowwasIgoingtoleavewithoutclothes?Icouldn’twalkaround
inatinypieceofsilk.
Iwasconfused.Istilldidn’tunderstandwhathadtranspiredthenightbefore.
MaybeMonawasright,andIneededtoknowmoreaboutbeingwithaman.I’d
thoughtitwassimple.Iofferedmyself,andhetook.Yethe’dtakennothing.No
libertiesbeyondloopinghisarmaroundmesometimeduringthenight.
Iwaitedinthebed,wonderinghowIcouldbroachthesubjectofQuinnagain.He’d
refusedtodiscussitthenightbefore,butitwasmorningnow.Icouldn’twaitany
longer.
Thewaterturnedoff,andmomentslaterhewalkedintotheroomwearingatowel
aroundhiswaist.
“Goodmorning.”HespokeformallyandlookedthroughmeasthoughIwasn’teven
there.
“Goodmorning.”
“Youwillspendthedayinhere.I’llhaveclothessentoverfortonight.”
“Allday?Youcan’tmeanthat.”
“OfcourseIdo.Basedontheresponselastnight,Ineedtomakesurethemen
understandjusthowofflimitsyouare.”Hiseyesfinallyfoundmine.
“Whataboutmysister?Whencanwediscussthat?”
“Notyet.”
“Butwhen?”Ifistedthesheetinmyhand.“Yousaidwecoulddiscussittoday.”
Heclosedthedistancebetweenus,stoppingrightnexttothebed.“Isaidnotyet.”
“But—”
“Say‘but’onemoretimeandyou’llregretit.You’regoingtodoasIsay.”He
grabbedmyarm,shovingtheevidenceoftheCordinginmyface.“Youbelongtome
now.”
Itriedtoreconcilethisbehaviorwithwhathe’ddonethenightbefore.Hehadn’t
touchedme.He’drefusedtoevenconsiderit.
“Iwillbebacklater.”Hestormedthroughthedoubledoors,slammingthembehind
him.
Wallowinginself-pitywasn’tgoingtohelpanything.Ineededtogetoutofbedand
moveonwiththeday,whetherIwasstuckinMason’sroomornot.
Isteppedintoasteaminghotshower.Thewatersoothedmyachesandpainsand
gavemetimetothink.Iwasgrowingmoreandmoreusedtothehotwaterand
amenitiesfoundhere.Thatwasn’tagoodthing.Iwasn’tgoingtobeenjoyingthemfor
long.AftertowelingoffIwalkedintoMason’sclosettosearchforsomethingtowear.
Settlingononeofhisdressshirts,Ieagerlybuttoneditup,gladtohavesome
coverage.Satisfiedwiththetemporaryclothing,Ilookedforsomethingtodo.
Imadethebed.Atthetimeitseemedcompletelylogical.I’dalwaysmademybedas
soonasIwokeup.Imeticulouslydoublecheckedthehospitalcornersandsmoothed
downtheblanket.Iwentbackintothebathroomandsearchedthroughthedrawers,
forsomething,anything.WhatIdidfindwasahampercontainingapileofdirty
clothes,includingmydress.Iconsideredchangingintoitbutchangedmymind.The
shirtprovidedmuchmorecoveragethanthatlittlebitofgreenfabric.
Aknockonthedoorhadmescurryingoutofthebathroom.WasMasonback
already?Whenhesaidtobeready,whathadhemeant?
“Kayla?”Asoftvoicecalled.
Ipulledopenthedoor.“Addison.”
Shehuggedme.ShepulledmeintoherarmsandhuggedmeinexactlythewayI
neededhertoo.
Weclumsilymovedbackintothebedroom,stillembracing.
“Areyouokay?”Shelookedrightintomyeyes.
“Yes.”Iknewbetterthantotellherwhathadhappened.WhateverreasonMason
hadfornottouchingme,itwasn’tonehewantedshared.
“Ibroughtyousomeclothes,yourtoothbrush,andsomepills.”
“Pills?”
“Forpain.Iwasn’tsure—”Shelookeddown.
Ifeltajabofguilt.ShebroughtpillsworriedI’dbeenhurtbyMason.Insteadhe
hadn’ttouchedme.“Oh.Thanks.”Iacceptedthepileofclothes.“Butyoubetterleave
beforeMasongetsback.”
“Hetoldmetocome.Iwantedto,butIneverwouldhavecomewithoutpermission.
Itcouldhavemadethingsworse.”
“Forbothofus.”ButIwasmoreworriedforher.Worryingaboutotherscame
muchmoreeasilytomethanworryingaboutmyself.
Shenodded.“Exactly.”
“Iseverythingcalm?”Iwantedtoleavehisroom.Iwouldgocrazystaringatthe
wallsalltheday.Ethanwasright,thishadallbeenahugemistake.Iwouldhavebeen
betterofftryingtosaveQuinnandBaileymyself.
“Ithinkso.I’msuresomeoftheCircleareupset,butitwasMason’sright.”
“Arethegirlsokaywithit?”Itdidn’tmatter.Iknewitdidn’t,yetIfoundIcared.
“Whatchoicedotheyhave?”
Ishrugged.“Sosomearemad?”
“It’samixedbag.Ontheonehandyouwon’tbeanothergirltohelpwiththeCircle,
butyouwilltakeMasonoffourhands.”
“Youdon’tthinkhe’llalsotakeothergirls?”Iwasn’tsurehowIfeltaboutthat.It’s
notlikeIwantedtospendeverynightwithhim,butsomehowknowinghe’dbe
comparingmetoothersmadeitworse.
“Hewon’t.”Shefidgeted.“ApersonalCordingmeanshe’stakingagirlforhimself.
Thatmeanshedoesn’tneedtherestofus.He’salreadypromisedtherestoftheCircle
that.Ithinkthatappeasedthemenough.”
AndthenIrememberedhiswords.HecouldonlyhaveonepersonalCording.His
decisionwasevenmoresignificantthanIthoughtifhewaslimitinghimselftoonly
me.
“WhendoyouthinkI’llbeabletogobacktomyroom?”Iwasn’tsureifAddison
knew,butshehadalotmoreinformationthanIhad.
Afunnyexpressioncrossedherface.“Masondidn’ttellyou?”
“Tellmewhat?”Iwasn’tsureIwasreadyforanymoresurprises.
“You’restayinghere.He’shavingawholebunchofclothesandstuffdeliveredfor
youlater.”
“Hementionedsendingoversomething,whichyoubrought…”ButIhadn’tthought
thatmeantIwasstayingwithhimindefinitely.“Ifiguredhe’djustmeetupwithmeat
thelounge…”
“No.ApersonalCordingisdifferent.You’rehis.Hegetstohaveyouinhisroom
always.”
“Perfect,”Imumbled.
Thedoorburstopen,andMasonsteppedin.
Addisonglancedatme.“Iwasjustleaving.”
“ThankyouforbringingKaylasomeofherthings,”Masondidn’tlookatAddison.
Hiseyeswerefixedonme.
“You’rewelcome.”Sheskirtedoutoftheroom,closingthedoorbehindher.
“Nicewardrobechoice.”Hesteppedtowardme,andinstinctivelyIsteppedback.
“Thatshirtlooksmuchbetteronyou.”Hesteppedtowardmeagain,andIforced
myselftostayinplace.Hiseyeswereheated,andwithouthimsayinganythingIknew
hewaspicturingwhatIlookedlikeunderneath.
Isentupasilentprayerthathedidn’twanttofindoutyet.Maybehismysterious
reasonforwaitingwouldcontinue—thatisaslongashe’dhelpmestill.He’dalludedto
awillingnesstodothatthenightbefore.
“IknowAddisonbroughtyousomethings.You’llhaveanyclothingyouneedby
tonight.I’llclearoutplentyofspaceintheclosetforyou.”
“Thankyou,”ImumbledeventhoughIwasn’tfeelingparticularlygrateful.Imuch
preferredmyroomdownstairs,orevenbettermyroomonthefarm.
“Ithoughtwe’dstayintonight.”
“Stayin?”Ishivered.AsmuchasIdidn’tparticularlywanttogototheloungeor
dinner,itwasbetterthanbeingaloneinaroomwithhim.
“Yes.I’llhavedinnerbroughtinforus.Wecanalsoviewamovieinmysitting
room.”
“Youhaveyourownviewer?”Hehadn’tmentionedthatbefore.
“Yes.Doyouenjoymovies?”
“I’veneverseenone.Wedidn’thaveelectricityathome.”Iwastalkingtoomuch.
Hedidn’twantorneedtoknowthat.
“Really?Whatdidyoudoforentertainment?”
“Entertainment?Wedidn’thavemuchtimeforthat.We’dplaycardssometimes,
andIlovereading.”
“Reading?Whatkindofbooks?”Hesatdownonthebed,gesturingformetotakea
spotnexttohim.Whywashebeingsoniceallofasudden?
“Allsorts.”
“Noparticularfavorite?”
“Whydoyoucare?”Ijustspititout.Iwasn’toneforgames.Iwantedhishelp,and
thatwasit.
“BecauseIwanttoknowaboutyou.”Hiseyessettledonmyfacewhileheabsently
strokedmyhand.
“Fairytalesandotherromanticstorieswithhappyendings.”
“Really?I’dhavethoughtyoulikedmoreactionpackedstories.Youseemtough.”
Ishrugged.“Ilikedtheescape.”
“Liked?”
“IdoubtI’llevergettomycollectionagain.”Therewasnothingleftformethere
anyway.
“No,youprobablywon’t.”helookedawayanddroppedmyhand.“Ineedtogoout
forawhile,butI’llbebackfordinner.”
“Haveyouthoughtaboutmysister?Areyoureadytodiscussthat?”Ipleadedwith
him.
“Wewilldiscussittonight.”Heglancedbackatmeoncebeforeleavingagain.
FIFTEEN
MASON
IPACEDTHEROOM
.
Iwasunaccustomedtowaiting.I’drunSrayforyears,andsincetakingoverwaiting
hadbecomeathingofthepast.YetIwaswaiting,andIwasn’thappyaboutit.
“SorryI’mlate.”Ethanstrolledintotheroom.
“Doyouhaveareasonforthetardiness?”Istudiedhisface.Hewasstillbruised
frommyfist.Ididn’tregretit.Icouldn’t.Itwasmyjobtokeeporderattheclub,and
thatmeantkeepingeveryoneinline.ThesecondIfalteredorshowedweakness
someoneelsewouldtakeover,andthatwouldn’tbegoodformeortheclub.Despite
whatsomethought,Icared.Icaredahellofalotmorethanmost.I’dpulledusupfrom
nothingandmadeusoneofthemostsuccessfulclubsinthecity.Ididn’taccomplish
thatbyplayingnice.
“Yes.IwasfinalizingadealwiththeLaymanClub.”
“Verywell.”Hisexcusewasvalid.Ifwedidn’tmovewhiskey,wedidn’tgetpaid.
DespiteEthan’sdeficiencies,hewasgoodatmovingproduct.Thatdidn’tmeanI
understoodhim.HowanymancouldhavewalkedawayfromKaylaconfoundedme.
“Youwantedtoseeme?”Ethanhoverednearthedoorway.Hestoodtall,buthis
expressionwaswary.
“Yes.”Ipointedtoachairbythewall.“Takeaseat.”
Ethannoddedbeforesittingdown.Evidentlyhewaslisteningtoday.
Iclosedthedoorandwaitedamomentlongerthannecessarybeforejumpingin
withmyquestions.Iwantedhimnervoussohe’danswermyquestionshonestly.“I
wanttoknoweverythingaboutKaylaandhersister.”
“Everything?”Ethanraisedaneyebrow.
“Everything.Leavenodetailout.”Ineededtounderstandher,andtodothatI
neededtoknowwhereshecamefrom.Whatcausedthefearbehindhereyes?Itwasn’t
new.Itwasn’tsolelyfromme.Andperhapsmoreimportantly,whatmadeherso
desperateshe’dshownuponmydoorstep?TravelingfromtheRuralswasdangerous.
Reckless.Washerdevotiontohersistersostrongshe’dtakethechance,orwasthere
moregoingonthanshewastellingme?Somethingaboutthesituationnaggedatme.I
didn’tunderstandit,andthatmademenervous.
“IwilltellyouwhatIknow,butIamsureyoucouldgetmoreifyouaskedher
yourself.”Ethan’sshouldersslumped.
“I’maskingyoutotellme.”Iwouldaskherquestionsaswell,butIknewshe
wouldn’ttellmeeverything.Ineededtobeprepared.
Ethanletoutaslowdeepbreath.“I’veknownKaylaherwholelife.Hersistertoo.
Wegrewuponfarmsnextdoortoeachother.”Ethanappearedtobelostinmemories.
Icouldn’tpicturehischildhood.ItwassofarremovedfromtheoneIknew.Iknew
nothingofneighbors—particularlynotonesofthefemalevariety.“Kaylahadthisspirit
aboutherthatwascontagious.Nomatterhowbadthingsgot.Nomatterhowlittlefood
wehad,shewasalwayssmiling.Shewasconvincedwecouldsurviveanything.”
ItriedtoreconciletheimageofasmilinglittlegirlwiththeKaylaIknewnow.I
wasn’tevensuresheknewhowtosmileanymore.Iwantedtoseehersmile.Tosee
hereyesdancewithpleasureinsteadoffear.“Howdidherfatherhidethem?Twogirls?
Thatseemsnearlyimpossible.”TheReinekeptthetradersbusysearchingeverywhere
forwomen.Ifoundithardtobelievetwogirlshadmanagedtostayundertheradar
thatlong,especiallysincetheyweren’tkeptacompletesecret.
“Theirfatherwasalwaysverycarefulwhowasallowedtomeetthem.Hekeptthem
closetohome.”Ethanseemedtoconsiderhiswords.“Andthoseofuswhoknewthem,
wefeltprotective.We’dhavenevertoldthetradersbecauseitwouldhavemeanttwo
moregirlstakenawayfromus.”
“Whywereyouallowedtogettoknowthemiftheirfatherwassoprotective?”
TherewasaclosenessbetweenKaylaandEthan,andIcaredtounderstand.Ididn’t
reallyknowwhyIcaredbeyondwantingtomakesureheknewtostayawayfrom
whatwasmine.
“Becauseheknewmyfather.Thisisn’timportanttounderstandingher.”Ethan
glancedtowardthedoorway.
Hisdenialmadeitimportant.“Ididn’taskyoutodecidewhatwasimportant.I
askedyoutotellmeeverything.”
“Ialreadytoldyou,wegrewuptogether.Herdadlikedmeforherbecausesheliked
me.”
“Yetyouleft.”Imighthavebeenthrowingsaltonawound,buthe’dleftfora
reason.Hehadn’ttrulywantedher.Ifhehadhewouldhavewaited.“Andhersisteris
reallyhersister?Hermotherhadtwochildren?Twogirls?”
“Yes.Andaboy.”Ethannodded.“Theyhaveayoungerbrother.He’sstillakid
really.”
“Threechildren?That’simpossible.”Threechildren.Thatwasunheardof.
“Notforherfamily,”hemumbled.
“Whatareyouimplying?”Astraythoughtcrossedmymind.CouldKaylabeeven
morevaluablethanIimagined?Andinmoredanger?
“I’mnotimplyinganything.”Ethanlookedaway.
“Youare.”Istrodeovertowherehesat.“Outwithit.”
Helookedupandmetmyeyes.“Didshetellyouthetruthabouthersisteryet?”
“Thetruth?”Piecesofthepuzzlestartedtofallintoplace,butIneededtoknowfor
sure.
“Forgetit.I’lllethertellyou.”Ethansighed.“Thisisamessalready.”
“No.”IsenthimalookIhopedservedasenoughofawarning.Ididn’tparticularly
wanttoresorttoviolenceagain.“Youwilltellme.Andyouwilltellmenow.”
Heburiedhisheadinhishand.“I’monlyhurtinghermore.Ineverwantedtohurt
her.”
“YouhurtherthemomentyoulefttheRurals.Youknowthat.Yourregrethas
nothingtodowiththehurtyoucausedthough,sodon’tpretend.”Thesoonerhe
acceptedthatthebetterforallofus.Iwasn’tgoingtoallowhimtowallowinself-pity.
Notinmyclub.
Helookedupatme.“You’reabastard,youknowthat?”
“OfcourseI’mabastard.Whothehellisn’tanymore?”Iknewhedidn’tmeanit
literally,butitwastrue.ThenIrealizedsomething.“Besidesyou.Youhadafamily.
Youhadafamily,andyouhadthechanceforawifeyetyouwalkedaway.You’rean
idiot.”
“I’mwellawareofthat.”Helookeddownatthefloor.
“I’llneverunderstandyourdecision.”Evenifhedidn’ttrulycareforher,howcould
hehavegiveupthechancemostmenwouldhavegivenanythingfor?
“Doesitmatter?”Hecomposedhimself.
“No.”Ishookmyhead.“Sotellme.Whathasn’tshetoldmeabouthersister?”
“It’swheresheis.”Hestretchedouthislegs.
“Shewasn’tkidnappedbytheReine?”WasanyofKayla’sstorytrue?Iknewshewas
hidingsomething,butIhadn’tsensedoutrightlies.Iwasgoodatsensingthem.Itwas
partofmyjob.
Ethanstraightenedinhischair.“Shewastakenbytraders—but.Imightaswelltell
you.ItoldKaylashewascrazytothinkyoucouldhelp.”
“Tellme.”AndIcouldhelp.Possibly.Imightnothavecaredbefore,butIdidnow.
“ThetraderssoldhersistertoCentral.”
“ToCentral?Butthere’sonlyonereasontodothat.”Myhunchhadbeenright.
Kaylawasworthmoreandinawholelotmoredanger.
“Exactly.”Hemetmyeye,tellingmeIwasright.
“Theyassumeshe’sabreeder?”Thenwhyhadn’ttheytakenKaylatheretoo?I
couldn’timagineshe’descaped.
“Theyknowit.”Ethanlookedupattheceiling.“Andthatiswhythereisnochance
youcanhelpher.Quinnisn’tgettingout.”
Theyknewshewasabreeder?Thatcouldonlymeanonething.Hersisterhada
child.Thatexplainedsomuch.“Sohersonisinthesystemnow?”ThatwasaplightI
knew.
“Lookslikeit,andKaylaiscrazyenoughtothinkshecangetQuinnandthekidout.”
“That’snotcrazy.It’sdesperate.”Thoughdesperationandcrazinesslookedvery
similar.
“Aretheyreallyallthatdifferent?”
Ishookmyhead.“Notinthiscase.Notinthiscaseatall.”
“Whatareyougoingtodo?”Ethanwrunghishands.“Whatareyougoingtodowith
Kayla?”
“I’mnotgoingtodoanythingwithher.TheproblemisIcan’thelpher.”
“Andthat’sgoingtobearealproblem.Kaylaisn’tgoingtotakeitwell.”
“I’mnotgivingupyet.”Ihesitatedbeforeleavingtheroom.“Anditgoeswithout
sayingallofthisstaysinthisroom.”
“Ofcourse.”Henodded.
“Imayneedtospeakwithyouonthisagain.”
“You’retheboss,Mason.”
“Anditwouldbegoodforyoutorememberthat.”Ilefttheroomwithoutglancing
behindme.
SIXTEEN
KAYLA
“KAYLA
.”Amalevoicespokemynamelightly.
ThevoicebrokeintotheendofagooddreamIwasholdingonto,andittookmea
minutetorealizesomeonewasshakingme.
Iopenedmyeyesandsatup.“Mason?”Iblinked,tryingtogetusedtothedark
room.
Hesatnexttomeontheedgeofthebed.“Sorrytowakeyou,butIdidn’twantthe
foodtogetcold.”Hewasbeingnice,butIknewitcouldbeatrap.Everyonewanted
something,andtherewasnowayhewasgoingtohelpmewithoutexpecting
somethinginreturn.
“Oh.Ididn’tmeantofallasleep.”Iwasn’tsurehowmuchtimehadpassed.Likethe
restoftheclub,Mason’sroomhadnowindows.Therewereplentyoflights,butthey
wereallartificial.Ilongedfortheraysofthesunorthemoon.Anythingreal.
“It’snotabadthing.Besides,whatelsecouldIhaveexpectedkeepingyouinhere
allday?”Therewasanoteofapologyinhisvoicethatsurprisedme.
Ifhewasfeelingbad,Imightaswelluseittomyadvantage.“WhendoIstartmy
job?”Ineededtogetoutofthatroom.WhetherhewasreadytotalkaboutQuinnor
not,Ineededtomovearound.Andifhewasn’tgoingtohelpme,Ineededanescape
route.Iwasn’tgivinguponhelpingQuinnandBailey.I’dnevergiveuponthat.
“Youdon’thavetowork.”HerestedahandonmyarmrightovertheCording.The
longsleeveshirtcoveredthemarkings,butheknewexactlywheretheywere.
I’dneverchanged.Ihopedhedidn’treadintoit.Noneoftheotherclothesappeared
ascomfortableastheoversizedshirt.ThematerialswerealsosodifferentfromwhatI
wasusedto.Imissedthesimplicityofcotton.“Allmembersoftheclubwork.I’ma
membernow.”
“Iknowyouare.”Heshiftedclosertome.“Butyoudon’thavetowork.”
“Iwantto.”Ineededto.Icouldn’tsitthereanylonger.ItonlyremindedmethatI
wasaprisoner.
“AreyoustillinterestedintheHydros?”Hewatchedme,studyingmyfacemore
thanwarrantedbyhisquestion.
Inodded.“Yes.Iknowalotaboutfarming.I’mnotusedtotheadvancedmethods
youusehere,butI’mafastlearner.”
“YoureallywanttoworkdownontheHydrosfloor?”Hestudiedmyfaceasif
searchingforapunchlinetoajoke.
Inodded.“Yes.”
“Youcanstarttomorrow.I’lltakeyoudownthereafterbreakfast.”Henodded.
Iputahandtomychest,surprisedbyhisreply.“Thankyou.”
“You’rewelcome.”Hereturnedhishandtomyarm.“Areyoureadyfordinner?”
“Areyoureadytotalkaboutmysister?”Iacceptedtheoutstretchedhandheoffered
andstoodup.Ifhewassowillingtogiveinonthework,maybehe’dbemorewillingto
talkaboutourdeal.
“Yes.ButIwanttoshowyousomethingfirst,andthenweneedtoeat.”Histoneleft
littleroomtoargue.Hepushedopenthedoorsthatseparatedthebedroomfromthe
otherroomsinthesuite.Heledmeintothesmallofficehe’dpointedoutonmyfirst
day.
“I’mnotsureifyou’vereadthese,butthey’rewhatIcouldfind.”Hegesturedtoa
pileofpaperbackbooks.
“Yougotmebooks?”Iflippedthroughthepileofunfamiliartitles.Bythecolor
illustrationsonthecovers,thesewerefarsexierthantheonesmymomleftus.
“Youmadeitsoundlikebookswereimportanttoyou.”
“Thatwas…”Itrailedoff,stilltryingtounderstandhismotivation.Whydiditmatter
whatIwanted?Makingmehappywasn’tpartofthedeal.Unless…“Youaren’ttryingto
distractme,areyou?”
“Ofcoursenot.”Heflippedthroughthebooks.“Iwanttomakeyouhappy.”
Iaskedtheobviousquestion.“Why?”
“Idon’tknow.”Hishonestwordsresonatedwithme.
“Youknowwhatyoucandotoreallymakemehappy.”Ilookedrightintohiseyes,
needinghimtoknowhowimportantitwastome.
“I’mgoingtodowhatIsaidIwould.Youhavetogivemetime;letmedoitmy
way.”
“Youpromised—”
“Wehaveadeal,Kayla.Youupholdyourend.I’llupholdmine.”Heputhishandson
hiships.“Butweneedtobehonestwithoneanother.”
“Ok.”Ibitmylip.Washeimplyingsomethingwithhiswords?
“Haveyoubeencompletelyhonestwithme?”Hiseyesboreintomine.“Pleasetell
methetruth,Kayla.”
Ihatedthewayhesaidmyname.Itwastoovelvety.Toopossessive.Ilookeddown.
“Kayla.”Heremovedhishandfrommyhipandinsteadcuppedmychin.“Haveyou
toldmeeverything?”
Heknewsomething.Heknewsomethinghehadn’tknownwhenheleftthat
morning,andtherewasonlyonewayhewouldhave.
“You’vespokenwithEthan.”Ishouldn’thavebeensurprisedEthanhadgiventhe
informationup.HisloyaltylaywithMasonandtheclub.Itdidn’tliewithme.Andtobe
fairneitherdidmine.Iwasn’tattheclubbecauseIwantedEthan.Iwastherebecause
hewasmyonlyhope.Alastresort.WiththatrealizationIswallowedmyhurt.Ihadno
righttoit.
Masonnodded.“Ihave.”
“Soyoualreadyknowtheanswertoyourquestion.”Iwaitednervously.Whydidhe
bringmebooksifhewasmadaboutmehidingthetruth?
“Iwanttohearitfromyou.”Hemovedhishandstomyshoulders.“Irunthisclub,
Kayla,andIexpectcompleteobediencefromeveryone.Iamwillingtooverlookthis
oneoccasionbecauseIunderstandyoucamehereundersignificantstress.”
“DidEthantellyou?”Ineededtoknow.Didhestillplantohelpme?
“Iwantyoutotellme.Iwantyoutotellmeeverything,orallbetsareoff.”He
tightenedhisholdonmyshoulders.
“ButyoutoldmeifIupheldmyendof—”
“HowcanIbeexpectedtoupholdanythingifyoulietome?”Heranhishanddown
myneck.“Tellmethat,Kayla.”
“Iwasgoingtotellyou.”
“Tellmenow.TellmebeforeIhavetodragitoutofyou.”Hiseyeswerekind
despitehisdarkertone.
Healreadyknew.Ihadnodoubtaboutthat,soitwastimetocomeclean.“Mysister
hasbeensoldtoCentral.”
“Isn’ttheresomethingelseyouwanttosay?”Hishandslippeddownmyarm.
“Mysisterandherchild.”
“Yoursisterandherson.Isn’tthatimportantinformationtohavegivenme?”
Herson.Ofcourse,thatwasallEthanknew.Ihadtomakeasplitseconddecision.
“Youtoldmetotellyoueverything.”
“Yes.”Heleanedin.
“Thenyoushouldknowthetruthaboutherchild.”
“Whatabouthim?”
“That’sthething.”Istruggledtoswallow.Mythroatfeltlikeitwasclosingin.
“Whatis?”
Iletoutaslowdeepbreath.“It’snotahim.It’saher.”
Hiseyeswidened..“Kayla…areyoutellingmethatyoursisterhasa…”
“Adaughter,yes.”
Hesaidnothingforamoment.Hejuststaredatme.“Thereisabsolutelynoway
we’regettingheroutofCentral.NoamountofmoneyIcouldofferwouldhavethem
givingupabreederlikethat.Shehadagirlallonherown?”
“Well,notonherown.”Ifeltablushcrawluptohercheeks.
“Irealizehowprocreationworks,Kayla.”Hishandreturnedtomyhip.“Imean
withouttheaidofCentral.Sheissorare.She’ssoimportant.Sheshouldstaythere.
EvenifIcouldgetherout…sheneedstosurvive.”
“Shecansurviveelsewhere.Shewouldbebetteroff,”Ipleaded.
“Andallofthismeansyoumaybeabreedertoo.Youmayholdthesameabilities.”
Hisvoicelilted.
“Thenyouplantosellmetothemtoo?”Maybethatwasmyonlywayin.He’dsell
mein,andI’dfindQuinnandBailey.Itcouldwork.Atleastwe’dbetogetheragain.
Heshookhishead.“Notachance.Youbelongtome.”
“Thenwhatdoesthismean?”IstayedascalmasIcouldeventhoughmyimpulse
wastorun.
“Idon’tknowyet.”Hetightenedhisholdonmyhips.“ButIassureyouthatit
doesn’tchangeourarrangement.”
“Soyou’llstilltrytosavethem?”
Heclosedhiseyesforamoment.“I’mnotentirelysurethat’spossible.”
“Thenhowdoesourarrangementstillstand?”ImusteredalltheconfidenceIcould.
“IonlyagreedtotheCordingsoyouwouldhelpmysister.”
“Butyouliedtome,Kayla.”
Ishookmyhead.“Ididn’tlie.”
“YouledmetobelieveyoursisterwassoldtotheReine.Insteadshe’dbeingheldby
Centralbecauseshe’sabreeder.Abreederofgirls.”
“She’sstillindanger.”Ishivered.
“No.She’ssafe.Theywouldn’thurther.”
“Ofcoursethey’llhurther.”Iwasn’tbeingcarefulanymore.WhatelsedidIhaveto
lose?“Theydon’tviewherasaperson.Theyviewherasabreeder.Justlikeyou,huh?
Youviewgirlsthesameway.Youdon’tthinkofmeasapersoneither.”
“Whywouldyousaythat?’Mason’seyesdarkened.“HaveIdoneanythingtoshow
youthat?”
“I’monlyheretohelpthem.Idon’tcareaboutanythingelse.Ifyoucan’thelp,Ibeg
ofyou,pleaseletmeleave.”
“Letyouleave?”Masonstartled.“Why?Soyoucanbekidnapped?WhyshouldI
giveyouup?”
“Becauseyoudon’twantmeanyhow.Youcanletmego,andblameitonme.You
canCordanother.”
“Idon’twantyou?”Hislipstwistedintoafrighteningsmile.“Isthatwhatyou
think?”
“Idon’tknowwhattothink.AllIcareaboutissavingmysisterandniece.”
“Doyourealizehowhardlastnightwasforme?”Mason’sarmsslippedaroundme.
“Howharditwastosleepbesideyouandleaveyoutorest?”
“HowwouldIknowhowharditwas?Youdidit.”
“Ididittoberespectful.Ididitbecauseyouwereafraid,andIdidn’twantyouto
lookatmewithfearinyoureyes.MaybeIwasnaive,butIhoped.IhopedIcould
makeyouwanttobewithme.”Iforcedmyselftomaintaineyecontacteventhough
hisstarefrightenedme.“ButIgetitnow.Thatwouldbeimpossible.Youaresingle-
mindedinyourwants.”
“Yousaythatasthoughitwerebad.Iamonaquesttosavemyfamily.Whatcould
bemoreimportant?”
“Youareallowedtowantforyourself.”
“AndyouthinkIcouldwantthis?”Igesturedattheroom.
“Istheremoreyouwant?”Henarrowedhiseyes.“Luxuriesnotavailable?”
“No.”Itriedtopullawayfromhisarms,butheheldontight.“Iwantfreedom.I
wanttherighttolivethewayIwanttolive.I’mtiredofhiding.”
“Youdon’thavetohidehere.”
“YetI’vespenttheentiredayhiding.”MaybeIwasn’tafraidoftraders,butIwas
afraidofeverythingelse.AndIwasafraidformyfamily.
“YoumaystartintheHydrostomorrow.”
“Andwhatofmysister?AndBailey?”Iknewtherewasdesperationinmyvoice,and
Ididn’tcare.
Hislipspressedintoafirmline.“Ineedtimetocomeupwithaplan.”
“Youaregoingtotry?”
“DespitehowidioticIamtodoso,Iwill.”
“Why?”Iaskedwithgenuinecuriosity.Ididn’tunderstandthemanbeforeme.
“BecauseIgavemyword.”Heranhishanddownmyback.
“Oh.”
Hiseyeslockedonmine.“You’renotafraidofmerightnow.”
“I’mdonebeingafraid.Fearhasneverhelpedme.”
“Good.”Heleanedforwardandcrushedhislipsintomine.Ifroze,unsureofwhatto
do.Icouldn’tpushhimaway—andIfoundIdidn’twantto.Thesensationwashard,
foreign,butalsoexcitingandpleasurable.Iclosedmyeyes.
Hesteppedbackandreleasedme.“Ourdinnerwillbegettingcold.”
“Youstillwishtoeat?”Istruggledtopushawaythekiss.Iwasn’tsurewhattomake
ofit.
“Yes.AndIwantyoutoaswell.I’vegottenridofthefearfromyoureyes,butyou’re
stillunhappy.”
“I’mgoingtobeunhappyuntilIhaveQuinnandBailey.”
“I’llbeworkingonit.”Hewalkedoutoftheroom,andIfollowed,stilltryingto
makesenseofwhathadjusttranspiredbetweenus.
SEVENTEEN
MASON
IHADLOSTMYMIND
.IfIwasn’tcarefulIwasgoingtoloseeverythingelseI’dworked
for,butthegirlhadtheabilitytomakemedoandsaythingsInormallyneverwould.I
wasinchargeforareason.IwasruthlesswhenIneededtobe.Ikepteveryoneintheir
placetoensurethingsransmoothly.Icommandedrespectfromeveryone—yetthis
girl—thisbeautifulgirlwiththehauntingeyeshadtheabilitytocompletelyunnerve
me.
“Isthefooduptoyourstandards?”Igesturedtoherplate.She’dbarelytouchedher
food.
“It’sfine.Thankyou.”Shepickedupherforkbutmadenomovetoeat.
Isearchedherfaceforanswers.I’dhadaspecialmealmadewithspeciallyordered
meatwesavedforonlythemostspecialofoccasions.Andshethoughtitwasfine?
“Youareusedtobetter?”Itriedtokeeptheicinessfrommyvoice,butIknewI’d
failed.
“No.Thisisfine.Thankyou.It’sfarbetterthananythingelseI’vehadhere.”She
lookeddownatherplate.
“Doyouknowhowtocook?”Ichangedthesubjectinanattempttoavoidan
argument.
“Ofcourse,”shesnapped,seeminglyinsultedbymyquestion.
“Isthereanythingyoucan’tdo?”Isetasidemysilverware.
“Ofcourse.”Shelookedup.
“Suchas?”
“Whydoyouwanttoknowmyinadequacies?”Shefoldedherhandsonthetablein
frontofher.
“BecauseIwanttoknowwhat’sbehindthatmaskyouwear.”
“I’mnotwearingamask.”Shewrinkledhernose.
“Notliterally,butyou’rehiding.Theonlytasteoftherealyouyou’vegivenmeis
thatkiss.”Thatkiss.I’dnevercaredaboutakissbefore.ButIhadthistime.Herlipshad
beenfarsweeterthanIimagined,andnowIneededtoknowhowtherestofhertasted.
“You’rehidingtoo.”Shecrossedherarms.“Don’tpretend.”
Ismiled.“Ilikeyoubetternowthatyou’renotafraid.”Shewasfeistyandsexier
thansherealized.
“There’snothinglefttobeafraidof.Eitheryouhelpmeoryoudon’t.”
“Youmakeitsoundlikehelpingyouwouldbeeasy.”ShemadeitseemlikeIwas
refusingtodothemostminusculeofthings,nottakeonthegovernmentinallofits
power.
“Nothingworthdoingiseasy.”
“Isthatso?”Ileanedbackinmyseat.“That’saninterestingquotefromsomeone
likeyou.”
“Someonelikeme?”Sheputahandtoherchest.“Whatdoesthatmean?”Thenher
expressionsoftened.“Itwassomethingmyfathersaid.”
“Yourfatherisdead.”Itwasn’taquestion.I’dheardenoughofherconversation
withEthan.Itwastheonlyreasonshewassittingacrossfrommeatmytable.Hadhe
beenalive,she’dstillbeonherfarm.
“Yes.Hesacrificedhimselftoprotectus.”Sheraisedherchin.
“Hewasagoodman.”
“Yes.”Shelookeddown.“AndIwon’tlethissacrificebeinvain.”
“Doyoubelievehe’dhavewantedyoutoputyourselfatrisktohelpyoursister?”I
wasn’tafather,butIstruggledtobelievehe’dpreferbothofhisdaughtersindanger
insteadofone.
“I’vealwaysbeenatrisk.Itwasjustamatteroftimebeforewewerefound.”There
wasnosadnessinhervoice,onlyacceptance,andthatmadeitalltheworse.
“Butnowyouaresafe.Theequationhaschanged.Youcouldstayheresafelywith
me.”
Shelaugheddryly.“Safely?Youmeanlockedupinafortress?Nomatterhowglitzy
acageis,it’sstillacage.”
IconsideredherwordsandbitbacktheresponseIwantedtogive.Tellinghershe
shouldbegratefulwouldn’thelp.“Iwantyoutogosomewherewithmetonight.”
“Where?”Shepickedupherforkandpushedaroundthefoodonherplate.
“It’sasurprise.”Itookinthewayshelookedinmyshirt.DespitetheclothesI’dhad
sentovershe’dchosentostayinmyshirt.Icouldhavereadintothechoice,butIknew
ithadlittletodowithme.Ithadmoretodowithcomfort.Still,Ienjoyedthe
knowledgethatshewascomfortableinmyclothes.
“Asurprise?”Shefurrowedherbrow.“Whatdoyoumean?”
“I’llshowyou.Wearsomethingnice.”Ipushedmychairawayfromthetable.“I’ll
leaveyoutofinishyourmeal.”IfIstayedinthesameroomwithhermuchlongerI
wouldn’tbeabletocontrolmyself—andthatwouldjustmoveusbackward.Iwasdone
goingbackwardwithKayla.
SHEWORE
ashortblackdresswhenIreturnedanhourlater.Shetossedasideabook
assoonasIwalkedthroughthedoor.
Ismiledinsteadofcommenting.Despiteherinitialreaction,shewasenjoyingmy
gift.TherewassomethingsatisfyingaboutknowingthatevenifIdidn’twanttofindit
satisfying.
“Doesthisqualifyasnice?”Shestoodup,soIcouldgetabetterlookatherinthe
dress.Itwaslow-cutandgaveanincredibleviewofhercleavage.Itwasnice,butitwas
alsogoingtomaketheeveningdifficult.
“It’sperfect.”Iallowedmyselfamomenttofullytakeherin.
“Whatisthesurprise?”
“I’mgoingtoshowyou.”Iheldoutmyhand.
Shedidn’tmovetotakeit.Insteadshestareddownattheintricatepatternonher
arm.
“You’llgetusedtoit.”Iranmyfingersoverthelines.
Shelookedupatme.“Thisiswrong,andyouknowit.”
“Cording?”
“Yes.Peopleshouldneverbemarkedasanimals.”Sheglaredatme.
“TheCordingisforthegirls’protection.Donotforgetthat.”
“Noit’snot.”Sheshookherhead.“It’ssothemencanfeelownership.Themarks
don’tmatterbecausethewomenneverleavetheclub.”
“It’sprotection.Awomencannotbestolenbyanotherclubiftheybearthemarks.”
“Doyoureallybelievethat?”Shecoveredmuchofhermarkwithherotherhand.
“YoubelieveiftheReinefoundmeonthestreettheywouldn’ttakemeinandrapeme?
Thesemarkswouldstopthem?”
“Youwouldn’tbeonthestreettobeginwith.”I’dneverallowthattohappen.
“Mypoint.It’snotthemarksthathelp.It’sthewalls.Sowhybrandusotherthanfor
yourownneeds?”
“Let’sgo.”Itookherarm,thistimenotgivingherthechoicetorefuse.
Shedidn’tresist.
Westartedtowalk,andthat’swhenInoticedherfeet.“You’rebarefoot.Gofind
someshoes.”
“It’sthisortheheavyblackshoes.Iwillnotwearheels.Ialmostbrokemynecklast
timeIworethem.”
“You’llgetusedtothem.”Theothergirlshadnotroublewiththem.
“Idon’twanttogetusedtothem.”Sheputahandonherhip.
“IthoughtAddisonwouldhavebroughtyouslippers.Youarewelcometowear
those.”
“Slippers?”
“Yes.”IwalkedintomyclosetwhereI’dmovedherstuff.Ifoundtheblacksatin
slippersI’dwantedhertohave.“Youcanwearthese.”Iheldthemouttoher.
Shetookthemandturnedthemoverinherhand.“Thesecanbewornoutofthe
room?”
“I’dpreferthesetoyoubeingbarefoot.”Ididn’twanthergettinghurt.
“Becausemybarefeetbotheryou?”
Igrimaced.Didshethinkthatlittleofme?“BecauseIdon’twantyoutogethurt.”
“Thishurt.”Sheheldupherarm.“Butyoualreadyknewthat.”
“Doesithurtnow?”I’dbeentoldthepainwastemporary.
“Yes,butnotinthewayyouthink.”Shesatdownontheedgeofthebedandputon
theslippers.
Iheldoutmyhand,andshetookit.Beforewecouldgetintoanotherargument,I
ledthewayoutoftheroom.
“Iwishyou’dtellmewherewe’regoing.”
“You’llsee.”Thesurprisewasn’tanythinghuge,butifmyhunchwasright,she’d
appreciateit.
“Idon’tlikesurprises.”
“Becausetheonlysurprisesyou’veeverknownhavebeenbad.”Iwantedtochange
that.Iwantedtochangethatmorethananything.
“AndIhavenoreasontobelievethisonewillbeanydifferent.”
“Ican’tpromiseyouanything,butyouwon’tbehurt.”
“Thatstatementdoesnothingtoreassureme.”
“Come.Youweretheoneeagertoleavetheroom.”Itookherarmandledher
throughbothsetsofdoubledoors.Hopefullyshe’dlikethesurprise.
EIGHTEEN
KAYLA
MASONNEVERLETGO
ofmyarm.Heheldonfirmly,yetnotsotightlyithurt.Ididn’t
understandhim.Heseemedsofocusedonmakingmecomfortableandhappy,but
howIfeltshouldnothavematteredtohimatall.
He’dkissedme,andIcouldn’tforgetit.Itwasn’tsomuchthekissasmyreaction.I’d
enjoyeditfarmorethanIshouldhave,andnowIcouldn’tshakeit.WhenIlookedat
himIthoughtofhislipswhenIshouldhavebeenthinkingofhisfistsandthewayhe
punchedEthan.I’dtalkedbacktohimmoretimesthanIcouldcount,yethealways
appearedcalm.Ikeptwaitingfortheothershoetodrop,andyetIcouldn’timagine
himphysicallyhurtingme.Hewassorestrained.
Ididn’tknowwhatIwasdoing,butIcouldn’tsitquietlyanymore.IneededMason’s
help,andIwasn’tsurehowintheworldtogetit.Quinnwasn’tsafe,andneitherwas
Bailey.Masonwasright.IwassaferthanIwasbefore,butIwasstillaprisoner,and
freedomwasworthmorethanIcouldhaveimagined.
Masonpressedthebuttonfortheelevator.Ipushedawaythoughtsofwhathad
happenedwithGreer.Thosethoughtscouldn’thelpme.Theycouldonlyhurt.
“Istilldon’tunderstandwhyyoucan’tsimplytellmewherewearegoing.”
“Thatwoulddefeatthepointofmakingitasurprise.”Hesighed,showingthefirst
signsofannoyance.“I’msureyouunderstandtheconcept.”
“Ok.”Ididn’tactuallycare.ConsideringwhatQuinnandBaileyweregoingthrough,
therewasnothingworseMasoncoulddotome.
Theelevatorarrived,andwesteppedin.Iwatchedasheinsertedakey,butIkept
myquestionstomyself.Theelevatormovedup,thatmuchIcouldtell.
Thedoorsopened,andMasontookmyhand.“Nooneelseshouldbeuphere,but
stayclosetome.”
Inodded.Imayhavebeentheonearguingtogetoutofhisroom,butthatdidn’t
meanIwasexcitedaboutfacinganyoneelsefromtheclub.Eventhoughthepersonal
Cordingwasdefinitelynotmychoice,thatdidn’tmeanIwouldn’tbeblamedforit.
AddisonhadtoldmeallIneededtoknow.Ifthegirlswereannoyed,Iwaspositivethe
menweretoo.EspeciallyGreer.IhopedI’dneverseehimagain.
Masonledthewaydownadarkcorridor.Iwasusedtodarknessonthefarm,but
usuallythereweresomestarsorthemoontoaddaglimmeroflight.Theartificialdark
ofthesealedupclubwassomethingaltogetherdifferent.Thereweretinylightsevery
sooftenonthefloor,buttheyweren’tenoughtoprovidemuchillumination.
“Thisway.”Masonledmewithhishandonmylowerback.
Isaidnothingaboutthedarkness.InsteadIfollowed.Ifhewantedtohurtmehe
couldhavedoneitinhisroom.Therehadtobeapurposeforthiswalkinthedarkness.
Iwassureofit.
Wecontinuedwalking,Masonnudgedmybackandturnedus.Iwasn’tsurehowhe
knewhiswaysowellinthedarkness,andfinallymycuriositygotthebestofme.“How
aren’twewalkingintowalls?”
Hechuckled.“I’vewalkedthiswalkenoughtimestoknowitinmysleep.Besides,I
havebetternightvisionthanmost.”
“Why?”Iasked.
“Idon’tactuallyknow.Probablysomethingtodowithwhattheydidtomakemein
Central.”
Ishivered.
“Don’tworry.I’mstillhuman.”Hisvoicewasdrywithoutthehintofhumor.
“WhosaidIwasworried?”Notthatbeinghumanmeantthesamethinganymore.
Wewereontheprecipiceofextinction,andthatchangedeverything.
“Youshivered.”
“IshiveredbecauseIhatewhattheydothere.”Centralhadnooversight.Noone
couldstopthem;therefore,theygotawaywitheverything.IntheoryIunderstoodtheir
mission,butthatdidn’tmakeitright.
“Theyaretryingtosavethehumanpopulation.”
“Therearebetterwaystodoit.Morehumaneways.”Waysthatdidnotinvolve
stealingwomenandchildrentoexperimenton.
“Savingthepopulationhastobethehighestpriority.”Hisvoiceseemedsodevoidof
emotion,asifhewasreadingfromascript.
“Youdon’tbelievethat.”Istoppedwalking.
“YesIdo.”Hestoppedbesideme.
“Thenwhydoyoukeepgirlshere?”Iturnedtohimeventhoughitwastoodarkto
actuallyseehisface.“IfyoubelievedinthemissionofCentralyou’dsendallthegirls
there.”
“Notiftheyaren’tbreeders.Ifonedidgetpregnantwe’ddotherightthing.”
“Dotherightthing?”Ishookmyhead.“Right.Sendherawaytobeexperimented
on.”
“Youdon’tseemtothinkwetreatthegirlswellheresowhatdoyoucare?Doyou
havesomegreatsolution?Someideanoonehasthoughtof?”
“No.”Isighed.“IwishIdid,butIdon’tthinkit’stheresponsibilityoftheremaining
womentoshoulderthisburden.It’snotfair.”
“Whatinlifeisfair?Whatinlifehaseverbeenfair?”Heleanedintowardme.“You
thinkthingswerereallymuchbetterbefore?Youthinkpeoplewerelivingperfect
lives?”
“No.Perfectdoesn’texist.”Perfectionwasanidealimpossibletoachieve,andthe
searchforitmadepeoplemissoutonthegoodtheydidhaveintheirlives.
“Exactly.Itdoesn’t,anditneverwill.Peoplearen’tmadetobehappy.We’remade
tostruggle.That’swhatlifeis.”
“That’sdepressing.”DepressinginawayIdidn’twanttothinkabout.Icouldn’tgive
up.IhadtosaveKaylaandQuinn.
“Depressingbuttrue.”Hetookmyhand.“Comeon,thisconversationisn’tgoingto
getusanywhere.”
“No,itisn’t.”Hewasrightabouttheconversationgoingnowhere.Ihadno
suggestions—noideastomakethingsbetter,sotherewasnopointarguing.Arguing
wasn’tgoingtohelpanyone.
Hetookmyhandandstartedwalking.Ifollowed,unwillingtostandaloneinthe
dark,andnowmorecuriousthanevertoseewhatthesurprisewas.Masonwasa
cynicalman.Hewassadanddark,andatacompletelossofhope.Icouldn’timagine
whatpossiblegoodsurprisehecouldhaveforme.
Heletgoofmyhand.“Stayrighthere.Don’twanderoff.”
“WhereamIgoingtogo?”Thatwastherealityofmysituation.Icouldn’tgo
anywhere.EvenifIcouldescapeSray,howcouldImakeittoCentral?
Alowscrapingandscreechingnoisesoundedfromfaraway,andIsawafaintbitof
lightinthedistance.Ilookedaroundforthesourceofthesound.“Mason?”
“Justgiveitasecond,”hecalled.
Ilistened,morebecauseIwasn’tsurewhereelsetogothanbecauseIcaredabout
annoyinghim.
Thehummingcontinuedandbrighterlightspilledintotheroom.Ifollowedthe
light,andstoppedshort.“Wow.”
“Prettyisn’tit?”Masonstoodinfrontofawindowholdingthestringstoamassive
setofcurtains.Itwasanactualwindowthatlookedoutatthecity.
Ijoinedhim,takinginthesightofneonlightsandthemoon.I’dmissedthemoon.It
wasmyfavoritewaytomarkthepassingoftime.Thephasesofthemooncontinued
overandovernomatterhowmuchelsechanged.“Beautiful.”
“Wecan’tleavethisopen.”Hepointedtothelargewindowthatspannednearly
floortoceiling.“It’stoodangerous,butIcomeupherewhenIneedtolookout.”
“Youneedtolookout?”Iwassurprised.Masontalkedasthoughhedidn’tcare
aboutanything—letaloneseeingthenightsky.
“Idon’tlikebeinglockedupanymorethanyoudo.”Hegazedoutintothenightand
overtheemptycitystreets.Wehadtohavebeenclosetothetopfloor.
“Butyou’renotlockedup.Youcouldgoanywhere.Anytime.”
“Youreallythinkso?”Helookedintomyeyes.“YouthinkIcouldjustwalkoutand
leave?”
“Nooneisstoppingyou.Youdon’thavethisonyourarm.”Iheldupmyarmto
showofftheink.Iwasn’tsureIwouldevergetusedtothemarks.
“AndwhathappensifIleave?Whathappenstothegirls?Totheothermen?”
“Someoneelsetakesover.”Iwassuretherewerealeastadozenmeninterestedin
hisjob.Probablytwicethatnumber.
“Youthinkit’sthatsimple?AnyonecandowhatIdo?YouthinkIshouldletGreer
takeover?Becausethat’swhowould.Youthinkhe’dabidebythewillingnessrulesI
haveset?”
ThementionofGreer’snamemademystomachturn.“Youknow?”Hehadn’t
pickedGreerrandomly.Iwassureofthat.
“Iknoweverythingthathappensinmyclub.”Masongrittedhisteeth.“Everything.”
Ilookedoutatthecity—atbuildingslitupwithbrightyellowlightsthatblockedout
thestars.ImissedtheRurals.Imissedhome.“Ifyouknowhe’sthatway,whyishein
theCircle?”
“Haveyoueverheardthesayingyouneedtokeepyourfriendscloseandyour
enemiescloser?”
“Ihaven’thearditbefore,butIthinkIunderstandthelogic.Allowinghiminthe
Circlekeepshimhappy,andit’seasiertowatchhim.”
“Exactly.”Masonturnedbacktowardthewindow.“Iknowyoudon’tagreewith
manyofthethingsIdo,butI’mdoingthemtoprotectothers.”
“ThatissomethingIcanrelateto.”TheonlyreasonIwasevenatSraywastohelp
myfamily.
“Butdon’tyoueverwanttodosomethingforyourself?”Heputahandonmy
shoulder.“Todosomethingsolelyforthepurposeofmakingyourselfhappy?”
“Ofcourse.”ItwaswhyIreadbooks.Theyhelpednoonebutbroughtmejoy.
“Thenyou’llunderstandthis.”Heleanedinandpressedhislipsagainstmine.This
timeitwasharder,longer,hepushedagainstmylips.Iopenedupinsurpriseashis
tongueslidintomymouth.Ishouldhavepushedaway,butIdidn’t.InsteadIfoundmy
tonguetanglingwithhisasheheldmetightlyinhisarms.Hetastedminty,anew
flavortomethatIcouldn’tgetenoughof.Imovedahandtohisshoulder,wantingto
feelhismuscles.Hisbodywashard,sodifferentthanmyown.Ilostmyselfinhim—in
thetasteofhismouthandthefeelofhishandsonme.
Thenjustassuddenlyashestarted,hestopped.Hesteppedaway.
Iwatched,notquiteunderstandingwhyhe’dstopped.
“IfIdon’tstopnowIwon’tbeableto.You’readdicting,Kayla.”
“I’mnotaddicting.”Iwasn’t.TheonlymanIeverfeltanythingforranawayfrom
me.SeeingEthanagainmademerealizehowinflatedmymemoriesofhimwere,but
I’dfeltsomethingforhim.Andhe’dleft.
“YouarethemostaddictingthingI’veeverencountered.”Hishandballedintoafist
athisside.“Youseethat.”Hepointedoutthewindow.
Iacceptedtheabruptconversationchange.Ididn’twanttofocusonthekisseither.
“Thatlargebuilding?”Ifollowedhisgaze.“Theonesurroundedbythefence?”
“That’sanelectricfence.Ifyounoticeitgoesupastallasthebuilding.”Mason
staredoutatitacrossthecity.“Wanttoguesswhatthatbuildingis?”
“Central.”Iknewitwithouthimtellingme.Nootherbuildingwouldhavethatkind
offortressofprotection.
“Thenyouunderstandhowdifficultitwouldbetobreakin.Impossible.”
“Nothingisimpossible.”Iwasbeginningtobelievethatmoreandmore.I’denjoyed
kissingMason.Twice.
“Ok.I’llplayalong.Let’ssayIcouldbreakin,itwouldbeimpossibletogetoutwith
yoursisteralive.Thatpartisimpossible.”
“AndBailey.Ineedhertoo.”
“YoureallythinkIcangetababy?No,notjustababy.AbabygirloutofCentral?”
Henarrowedhiseyes.
Isighed.“Ineedyouto.Ineedthem.”
“I’mnotgivingup,butIneedtimetothink.Doyouunderstand?”Hereachedoutas
iftotouchme,butthenhedroppedhishand.
“Howmuchtime?”
“Aweekatleast.Ineedtotalktocontacts,seewhatcanbedone.”
“Icangiveyouaweek.”Patiencewasn’toneofmyvirtues,butIdidn’thaveany
otheroptions.
“Givemeaweek?”Hesmiled.“Youactasthoughyouhaveanotherchoice.”
“There’salwaysanotherchoice,evenifit’snotaneasyone.”
“Readytogotobed,ordoyouwanttowatchalittlelonger?”Hegesturedtothe
window.
“Watchlonger.”Ipressedmyhandagainsttheglassandgazedout.Alightrainfell
fromthesky,creatinganeerieeffectinthelights.“Thankyouforthis.Ineededit.”
“Therearesuchthingsasgoodsurprises.”Hestoodrightnexttome,buthedidn’t
touchmeatall.
“Thereare,whichishardtobelieveintheworldwelivein.”
NINETEEN
MASON
I’DMADE
therightchoice.I’dmademistakeaftermistakewithKayla,butshowingher
thewindowwastheperfectdecision.Sheneededtoseetheoutsideworld—boththe
skyandthecity.Itservedtwopurposes,showingherwhatexistedoutsideandshowing
herwherehersisterwas.
I’doverplayedthepossibilityofhelpinghersister.Ijustcouldn’tsaynotohereyes,
especiallynotafterthatkiss.Itwasnotaforcedkissbetweenstrangers—itwasawilling
kissbetweentwowhokneweachotherwell.Evenafteronlyafewdays,Kaylaknew
moreaboutmythoughtsandfeelingsthananyone.IwishedIcouldsaythesame
abouther,butshestillhadawallup.Itwasbreakingdownalittle,butIwanteditall
gone.IwantedtoknowtherealKayla.Iwantedhertrust.AndIwantedher.Iwanted
herinawayI’dneverwantedawomanbefore.Iwantedherforherandnotforthe
escape.IwantedtoknowherinawayIonlycouldaccomplishthroughintimacy.
I’dhadtotearherawayfromthewindow.Icouldn’tblameherforwantingtospend
moretimethere,butitwasn’tsafe.Windowsweredangerousinourworld.
Iledherbackdownstairswithherhandinmine.Neitherofussaidanythingthe
wholewaybacktomyroom.Shewordlesslypickedupthenightieshe’dwornthe
previousnightanddisappearedintothebathroom.
Istrippeddowntomyboxersandwaitedforher.Itwasimpossibletogetthesecond
kissoutofmyhead.WouldIreallybeabletokeepmyhandstomyselfforasecond
night?
ShewalkedoutofthebathroombeforeIcouldmakeupmymind.Sheheaded
straightforthebed,pullingbackthesheetsonthesamesideshe’dsleptonthenight
before.
Istared,watchinghereverymove.“You’rebeautiful.”
“Youdon’thavemuchtocomparemeagainst.”Shepulledtheblanketsuparound
her.“Everywomenisconsideredbeautifulnow.Ourrarityenhancesourappearance.”
“That’snottrue.”Imovedandsatdownbesideher.“Youarebeautifulforreasons
beyondrarity.”
“Thenwhydoyoulikemyhair?It’sbecauseyou’veneverseenthecolorbefore.”
“YouthinkIwantyouonlyforyourhair?”Iresistedtheurgetorunmyhands
throughit.
“No.”Sheshookherhead.“Butit’swhatyounoticedfirst.”
“Whyareyouaversetomefindingyoubeautiful?”Istruggledtounderstandwhat
wasgoingoninherhead.
“BecauseIdon’twanttobebeautifulifitmeansI’mviewedasathing.Anobject.”
“Idon’tviewyouthatway.Iwouldn’thaveshownanobjectthewindow.Orgivenit
books.”Hadmygesturesmeantanything?
“AndIappreciatebothofthethingsyoudid,butthatdoesn’tchangethemarkon
myarm.Itdoesn’tchangethatyouthinkyouownme.”
Islippedunderneaththesheetsbesideher.Sheshiftedawayfrommeslightly.I
movedcloser.Shefrowned.
“Idon’townyou.Anditdoesn’tmatter.Ican’tgetwhatIwantfromyouthrough
ownership.”Iwantedherwillinglyineveryway.Iwantedtogettoknowtherealher.
Togetclosetotherealher.
“Sex.”Shesaidthewordwithdistaste.
“No.You.Therealyou.”OfcourseIwantedsex,butitwasmorethanthat.Itwasso
muchmorethanthatevenifIstilldidn’tunderstandwheretheemotionswerecoming
from.
“Youmakenosense.”
“HowamIconfusingyou?”Iwasconfusingmyself,butthat’sbecauseIknewhow
faroffthiswasfrommyusualthoughtsandfeelings.Shedidn’t.
“Apersoncan’tchangesofundamentally.Afewdaysagoyouviewedmeasasexual
object.Thatcan’thavechanged.”
“Ithas.”Iputahandonherlegoverthesheetsandblankets.“It’schanged.”
“How?”
“It’schangedbecauseofhowyoumakemefeel.Whoyoumakemewanttobe.”I
wasuncharacteristicallyopenandhonest.Ineededhertoknow.
“Youbarelyknowme.”
“Iwanttochangethat.Iwanttoknoweverythingaboutyou.”Iwantedtoknowthe
thingsnooneelseknew.
“There’snotmuchtoknow.I’magirlfromtheRuralswhohaslosteverything.”Her
eyescloudedover.
“No.”Itookherhandinmine.“You’reKayla.Abeautiful,intriguing,intelligent,and
givingyoungwomanfromtheRuralswhoiswillingtodoanythingtoprotectthoseshe
loves.”
Ablushcreptuphercheeks.“Youdon’tactuallymeanthat.”
“OfcourseIdo.”Isqueezedherhand.“AndIamgoingtodoeverythingIcanto
helpyou.Iwanttohelpyou.”
“Whatifyou’reright?”Shesighed.“Whatifit’simpossible?”
“Ithoughtnothingwasimpossible.”Wehadjusthadthisdiscussion,butthistimeit
hadbeenflipped.Icouldn’tlethergiveupbecauseitmightmeanshelostthethingthat
madeherunique,thatmadeherirresistible.
“Iwishnothingwas.”
Icuppedherchinwithmyfreehand.“IneverbelievedI’dmeetanyonewhocould
makemefeel.Idid.You,inyourself,areanimpossibility.”
“Sowhatnow?”Sheblinkedafewtimesasiftryingtohidetears.“Whatarewe
supposedtodo?”
“I’mgoingtoplan.”
“Andme?”Sheputahandtoherchest.
“You’regoingtoplantoo.”
“How?IknownothingaboutCentral.”
“Youmanagedtomakeitherealive.Youknowmorethanyouthink.”Istillcouldn’t
quitebelieveshe’dmadeit.Iworriedmorehappenedonthejourneythansheleton,
butlikemanythingsI’dhavetowaituntilshewasreadytotellmeaboutit.
Sherelaxedbackagainstthepillows.“Ishouldfeeluncomfortable.”
“Inwhatway?”
“Sharingabedwithyou.”Sheadjustedherpillow.
“Butyoudon’t?”Nowthatwasasurprise.
“NotthewayIshould.Maybeit’sbecauseIexpectedworse.”
“Orbecauseyou’recomfortablewithme.Thatisapossibility.”
“HowcanIbecomfortablewithamanIbarelyknow?”Therewasrealwonderin
hervoice.
“Inthesamewayyou’vemanagedtochangemeinafewdays.”
“IfyoustartspeakingoffateIwillbeworried.”
“Youdon’tliketheideaoffate?”Imovedcloser.
“It’stoosimilartofairytales.”
“Ithoughtyoulikedthosestories.”Iturnedtogetabetterlookather.
“Ido,buttheyareonlystories.Quinngotherselfintroubleonceshestarted
believinginthem.”
“Gotherselfintrouble—meaningpregnant.Isthatwhatyou’reafraidof?That
you’reabreeder?”Iwonderedhowfrighteningthatwasforher.Orwastherealso
excitement?Icouldn’tbegintoimagine.
“Ofcoursethatscaresme.Iknowwhatwouldhappen.You’dgivemetotheCentral,
andthepoorchildwouldbetorturedfortheirentirelife.It’shorrible.”
“YouthinkI’dgiveupmyownchild?”Myjawdropped.
“YousaidyoubelievedinCentral.Yousaidyou’ddothat.”
“IcansaywhateverIwant.Icouldn’thandovermyownchild.Thethoughtof
havingone...”ItrailedoffasIstruggledforwords.“Nowthatwouldbeimpossible.”
“I’mprobablynotabreeder.Ican’timaginebothQuinnandIbothare.”
“Thenwhyareyousoscared?”
“BecauseIshouldn’tlikeyou.”
Ismiled.“That’snotareasontobeafraid.”
“Ihaveenoughinmylifetoworryabout.Idon’twanttoworryaboutgettinghurt.”
“WhatifIpromiseIwon’thurtyou?”Ipulledherintomyarms.Surprisinglyshelet
me.
“That’snotapromiseyoucanmake.”
“Sureitis.It’saaneasierpromisethantheoneaboutyoursister.”Iheldhercloser.
“Youcan’tpromisenottohurtmebecauseyoucan’tpromisehowyou’llfeel.”
“I’mnotgoingtohurtyou.”Ilookeddeepintohereyes.
“Youcan’tpromisethat.”Sheshookherhead.
“Fine,I’mnotgoingtoarguewithyouaboutthis,butIcanpromisethatIwilldo
everythinginmypowernottohurtyou.Maybethisisoneofthosetimeswhenyou
havetoacceptnexttoperfect,becauseyou’llneverfindperfect.”
“Idon’twantperfect.Iwantsafe,”shesaidinawhisper.
“Youaresafe.”
“Notjustforme.”
“Kayla.”Ibrushedmylipsagainstherforehead.“Pleaseputsometrustinme.”
“I’mtrying.”Sherestedherheadonmychest,andmyheartrateaccelerated.Itfelt
sogood,sonaturaltohaveherheadthere.
“Tryharder.”
Shesmiled.Shegenuinelysmiled,andmywholeworldlitupalittlebitbrighter.
“Anddothatmore.Allthetime.”
“What?”Sheliftedherhead.
“Smile.There’snothinggreaterintheworld.”
Shelaughedandsetherheadbackdown.“FornowcanIenjoythis?”
“Enjoylyingherewithme?”
“Yes.UpstairsyouaskedifIeverwanttodoanythingselfish.Justforme.”
“Idid.”Iranmyhandthroughherhair.
“Thisfeelsthatway.Lyingwithyouhelpsnoone.”
“Ihavetodisagreewithyouthere.”Ikissedthetopofherhead.“Ithelpsme.”
“Areyouevergoingtodemandmore?”
“Demandmore?Asinsexually?”Itriedtofollowherquestion.
“Yes.”Sheclosedhereyes.
“I’mnotgoingtodemandanythingfromyou.”Iranmylipsdownherneck.“I’m
hopingeventuallyyoudecideyouwantit.”
“RightnowIlikethis.”Sherestedherhandonmychest.“Andthatkissweshared
before.”
“Youlikedthat,huh?”Iteased.
“Idid.Strangely.”
“Howisitstrange?”
“BecauseIthoughtI’dhateit.”
“Iguessyougotanextrasurprisethen.”Ididn’twait.Iconnectedmylipswithhers
again.WithKayla,itwassmarttonevermissanopening.
TWENTY
KAYLA
MASONLEFT
beforeIwokeupthenextmorning,butheleftanotetellingmetoknock
onthedoorforJarrettwhenIwasreadytogodowntotheHydros.
He’dpromisedIcould,butIwasstillsurprisedtofindthenote.Igotdressedinthe
pantsthathadappearedthatmorningaswellandputontheworkboots.Iwasn’tsure
whattomakeofwhathadpassedbetweenMasonandIthenightbefore,butsome
physicallabormightdistractmefromoverthinkingthings.Ihadtostayfocusedon
whatwasimportant:savingQuinnandBailey.Idefinitelyneededadistractionthat
wasn’toversix-feettallandmoreattractivethananymanI’devermet.
Dressedandreadytowork,IknockedontheouterdoorsofMason’sroom.
Theyopenedimmediately,andIfoundJarrettgrinning.“Morning,Kayla.”
“Goodmorning.”Inodded.“Wereyoureallywaitinghereforme?”
“Doingsomework.”Hehelduppapers.“Butprettymuchyes.”
“Oh.Sorryyouhadtowait.”IknewJarrettwastherejustasmuchtoputMasonas
easeastobeusefultome,butitwasstillhardtobelievehehadspenthismorning
sittingaroundwaitingforme.HewasawatchdogIremindedmyself.Itwasanother
reminderIwasn’tfree.
“Notrouble.Youreadyforwork?”Jarrettseemedtonoticethechangeinmy
demeanor,buthedidn’tsayanything.
“Ithinkso.”NowthatitwasactuallytimetogooutIwasnervous.Imightnotlike
havingsomeoneguardingme,buttherewasacomfortinit.TheexperiencewithGreer
hadshookmefarmorethanIoriginallyrealized.Itbroughtbackunwantedmemories
ofthetraders.
“Don’tworry.Taylorrunsthatfloor,andhedoesn’tbite.”Jarrettnudgedmy
shoulder.
“That’snotfunny.”Iputahandonhip.Jarrett—oranymanoutsideofmyfamily-
couldnotunderstandthekindoffearI’dbeenlivingin.
“He’stame.That’sallI’msaying.”Heledthewaytotheelevator.
“Ok.Thanksfortheheadsup.”Pickingafightwithoneofthemenwhowasbeing
nicetomewasn’tagoodplan.AndIneededaplanofexitifMasoncouldn’thelpme.
Wedidn’trunintoanyoneelseontheelevator,andIhadafeelingitwasbecauseI’d
sleptin.TheonlyalarmI’deverknownwasthesun,anditwastakingmeawhiletoget
usedtofindingothermeanstowake.Iwasalsoexhausted.Mytimewiththetraders
andmytripthroughthecityhadwornmeoutmorethanIinitiallythought.Adrenaline
hadkeptmegoing,butnowthatitwasrunningout,theexperiencewascatchingupto
me.
WearrivedontheHydrofloorandJarrettwaitedwithme.Hepointedoutaman
withadarkbeardasTaylor.HewaspointingtomenandshoutinginawaythatI
assumedmeanthewasgivingoutworkoutassignmentsfortheday.
“YouokayifIleaveyou?”Jarretteyedtheelevator.“Ineedtogettoameeting.”
“I’mfine.”Iwasnervous,butI’dhandledworsesituationsbefore.“Thanksfor
showingmedownhere.”
“Yousure?”Hestudiedme.“Idon’twantyoutocomplaintoMason.”
ItwashardtoreconcilethefeareveryonehadofupsettingMasonwiththewayhe
waswithme.“I’mpositive.”
“Havefun.”Hepattedmybackbeforedisappearingbacktowardtheelevator.
IwaiteduntilTaylorwasfinishedbeforewalkingover.“Excuseme.”Imusteredas
strongvoiceaspossible.Inthedaysspentintheclub,myconfidencewaswaning.I
assumedTaylorrespectedMasonandwouldn’thurtme,butoneneverknew.
“Kayla,hi.”Hiseyeslitupinanon-threateningway.Itseemedmoreoutofinterest
thanogling.“Masonmentionedyoumightbedownthismorning.”
“Didyouseehimtoday?”Iwonderedhowlonghe’dbeengonewhenIwokeup.I
couldn’tbelieveI’dsleptsodeeplyIhadn’theardhimleave.
“No.Hesentmeamessage,butIassumeyou’veseenhimtodaythough.Thatis
unlessyousleptin.”Taylorwinked,anditlookedalittleoutofplaceonhisface.Maybe
forty-five,Taylorwasoneoftheoldermembersoftheclub.Ontopofthecrashingbirth
rate,peopleweredyingearliernowtoo.Therewaslessaccesstomedicinethanthere
usedtobe.Therewaslessaccesstoeverything.
Iforcedasmile.Taylorwasbeingpleasant,andtherewasnoreasonIcouldn’tbe
too.
“Okay.”Taylorthankfullychangedthesubject.“Iadmittobeingalittlesurprised
youpickedtheHydrosasaworkassignment.”
“It’stheclosestthingtowhatIdidathome.”Ionceagainwentwiththetruthful
explanation.
Taylorsmiledkindly.“Ohyes.You’refromtheRurals.Didyourfatherownland
then?”
“Yes.fiftyacres.”
“Whatdidyougrow?”
“Avarietyofthingsforourselves,butwesoldcotton.”IthoughtaboutBoltonand
hisdreamofapeaceorchid.Ihopedhesurvivedandgottolivethatdream.
“Thenyouknowallaboutbeingself-sufficient.”
Inodded,pushingawaythoughtsofBoltonthatwouldonlyhurt.
“That’swhatit’sallaboutdownhere.Weneedtogroweverythingweneedindoors
forsecurityreasons.”Heleanedin.“Wehaven’ttrieditwithlivestock.Toomessy.”He
winked.
“Wheredoesthemeatcomefrom?”Inoticeditwasn’tservedoften,buttheyhad
some.
“We’lldoroutinehuntsorbuyitfromtheRurals.”
“Butincasethosearen’tsuccessful,you’velearnedtomakedowithoutit.”Asa
societywe’dgottenusetomakingduewithoutalot.
“Exactly.We’vefiguredouthowtosupplementourdiets.”
“Isthereanyjobyou’dlikemetodo?”Therewasnothinggoodthatwasgoingto
comefromdiscussingtheneedtosupplement.Itwasarawreminderofhowdesperate
everyonewas.
“Thatdependsonyou.”Hesmiled.
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Ican’tmakeyoudophysicallabor.Ihaveplentyofmenforthat.”Hegesturedto
thefivementilling.“Butyoudon’tstrikemeasthesortwholikestositaround.You
wouldn’thavesignedupforthisjobifyouwere.”
“Exactly.I’mheretogetmyhandsdirty.”
Helaughed.“Thensobeit.I’llquotethattoMasonifhetakesissue.”Hehandedme
astandardsizetrowel.“Iassumeyouknowhowtouseoneofthese?”
“Yes.Areweplantingsomethingnew?”
“Yes.Ineedholestwoinchesapartinrowsaboutsixteeninchesapart.We’re
plantingpeas.”
Imadeamentalnoteofthemeasurements.“I’monit.”
Heshookhishead.“You’resomethingelse.Goodtohaveyouonboard.”
Ispentthemorningmakingholesandfillingthemwithseeds.Itfeltgreattogetmy
handsinthedirtagain.WhenIfocusedonthejob,Icouldalmostforgetwewere
inside.Theheatlampscausedsweattopourdownmyface,butitremindedmeof
workinginthesun.IthoughtofThomasandQuinnandthegamesweplayedaskids.I
wouldseethembothagainoneday.Iwasdetermined.
Abellrang,signalinglunch,andIreluctantlysetasidemytools.Icouldhave
workedsunrisetosunsetifitmeantforgettingaboutallmyothertroubles,butIhadto
followprotocol,andworkingthroughlunchwasn’tpartofit.
“Howwasyourfirstmorning?”Tayloraskedaswealltookturnswashingupinabig
sink.
“Great!Iwanttocomebackthisafternoon,butI’mnotsureifIcan.”
“Enthusiastic,huh?”Hegrinned.“YouplanteddoublethepeasIexpectedyoutoo.”
“Iworkfast.Thanks.AndIwilldefinitelybebacktomorrow.”Iheadedtothe
elevator,excitedtofindAddison.ForthefirsttimeindaysIfeltuseful.
“Hey!”Addisonwavedfromnexttotheelevator.
“Hey.HowdidyouknowI’dbehere?”Ifeltarushofreliefatfindinghersoeasily.I
wasn’texactlysurewheretogoforlunch,andIdidn’twanttogetlostandfindmyself
introuble.
“Masonsentmeamessage.”
AndthatexplainedwhyJarrettwasn’twaitingforme.AsmuchasIdidn’twantto
findmyselfintrouble,IknewMasondidn’twantmetoeither.“Wouldyouwantto
havelunchtogether?”Itfeltstrangetoask,I’dneverhadtobefore.
“Ofcourse.That’swhyI’mdownhere,silly.”Shegrinned,andweheadedtothe
cafeteria.
“Doyouwanttoeatsomewhereelse?”Addisonwhisperedafterwefilledourplates
withamixofvegetablesandsomesortofgrainIdidn’trecognize.
“Where?”Iaskedjustasquietly.
“There’sanemptyroomacrossthehall.Idoubtanyonewouldcare.”
“Soundsgood.”Ifollowedheroutofthediningroom.
Ipulledoutoneofthehardplasticchairsatthewhitetable.Addisonsatdownnext
tome.Wedidn’tsayanythingforafewminutes,webothdugintoourfood—itwas
bland,butitwentdowneasyenough.
“Howareyou?”Herbrowneyeslockedonmine.
“I’mfine.”Isetdownmyfork,nearlydonewithmylunchalready.
“Areyousure?”Shepushedasideheremptyplate.
“Yes.It’sbeenanadjustment,butI’mgettingusedtoit.”
“IsMason...”Shehesitated.“Ishetreatingyouallright?”
“Yes.He’sbeennice.”Nicewasn’ttherightword,butIdidn’tknowwhattosay.I’d
swornIwouldn’trevealjusthowmuchspacehewasgivingme.
“Ishegoingtohelpyou?”Sheleanedin.“Withyoursister?”
“Hesayshe’sgoingtotry.”AndIwasdeterminedtotakehimathisword—fornow.
“Try?Heknowsthat’stheonlyreasonyou’rehere.Whyhasn’thedoneanything
yet?”Shefrowned.
“Iunderstanditisn’teasy.”Iwassurprisedbyherreaction.Everyonewassoafraid
ofMason,didshereallyexpecthimtohelp?
Shelookedunconvinced,buttheshookherhead.“Ok.Areyoufreethisafternoon?”
“Ithinkso.”Iwasn’tsurehowmyschedulewouldworknow.
“Ithinkitshouldworklikemine.Atleastthat’swhatIwouldassume.”Shesipped
herlemonflavoreddrink.
“Doyouhaveplans?”Freetimewasn’tsomethingIwasusedto.
“IthoughtI’dgoswimming.”
“Swimming?Likeinapool?”I’dneverbeeninapoolbefore,butI’dbeeninthe
pondonourpropertymanytimes.Ilearnedtoswiminasloppyway,butitworked
wellenoughtokeepmyheadabovewater.
“Yes.Whereelse?Themendon’tmindwhenweusetheirpoolduringtheday.
They’realloutanyway.”
“Okay.I’lljoinyou.”
“Great!”Addisonsoundedexcitedforthefirsttime.“Let’sgobacktothesuitesowe
canchange.”
Thesuite.Ihadn’tbeenbacksincetheCording.DidIstillhavearoomthere?“Do
youhavesomethinginparticularyouswimin?”
“Yeahswimsuits.”Shelookedatmefunny.“Areyoudone?”
“I’mdone.”Ididn’tenjoythefoodenoughtoclearmyplate.Maybehelpingwiththe
farmingwouldmakeitmoreappealing.
Wecleanedoffourtraysandheadedbacktotheelevator.Weshareditwithseveral
men,butnotGreer.Iletoutarelievedbreathwhenwereachedourfloor.
Insidethesuite,Addisontossedmetwobrightpinkpiecesoffabricthathadtobe
undergarments.“WhywouldIneedthese?”
“Toswimin.”
“Yousaidyouswaminswimsuits.”Iaskedwithconfusion.I’dneverhadatrue
swimsuitbefore,butthiscouldn’tbeone.
“Thisisaswimsuit.It’sabikini.”Shesmiled.“Youhaven’tseenonebefore?”
Iexaminedthepinkmaterial.“Areyousureaboutthis?”
Morawalkedoverandlaughed.Ihadn’trealizedshe’dbeenlistening.“Noneofus
careaboutanyoneseeingushalfnaked.AlltheCirclemenhaveseenusnaked
already.”Herlaughwaslightbutherfacewasn’t.Shewasannoyedatme,whichdidn’t
comeasasurpriseatall.Consideringthecircumstance,shewasbeingmorepleasant
thanexpected.“That’sright.Mason’stheonlyonewho’sseenyou.”Sherolledhereyes
andwalkedoutoftheroom.
“Ignoreher.She’sjustbitter.”Addisonfrowned.
Iwaiteduntilwewerealoneagain,butjusttobecarefulIloweredmyvoicetoa
whisper.“DothegirlsthinkI’mtheonewhoaskedforapersonalCording?”We’d
discussedthisonce,butnowthatmoretimehadgonebymaybeAddisonknewmore.
“Ofcoursenot.”Addisonundressedwithoutanyattemptatmodesty.
Ilookedawayandattemptedtochangewhilekeepingonmyshirt.Theswimsuit
wasevenskimpierthanIexpected.Itbarelycoveredmybreasts,andIwasmorethan
alittlebituncomfortableabouthavingmyentiremidriffand90%ofmylowerbody
exposedtoo.
Addisonlaughedlightly.“Youreallyareconcernedwithpeopleseeingyourbody.
Youhaveledsuchashelteredlife.”
“Iknow.That’snotabadthing.”Iwasrealizingmoreandmorejusthowsheltered
andluckyIwas.Sometimesmyfather’sprotectivenesshadfrustratedme,butI
understooditnow.IwishedIcouldthankhimforit,butIneverwould.Ifoughtback
tears.Iwouldonlymourninprivate.
“No.It’snot.”Addisonlookedoutatsomespotinthedistance.“Butit’snotrealistic.
Doesallthatprotectinghelpyounow?No.Itleftyoulessprepared.”
I’dneverheardAddisontalkthatway.Shewasusuallyupbeatinherownquiet
way.IrealizedinallofmyfocusonmyselfIhadn’taskedabouther.“Areyouokay?”I
slippedintoapairofsandalsAddisonoffered.
“Yeah.Ofcourse.Whywouldn’tIbe?”Sherespondedquickly,grabbingustwopink
towelsfromacloset.Therewassomuchpink.Iassumeditwasawaytoemphasize
femininityinaworldwhereitbarelyexisted.
“Iwasjustchecking.”Iacceptedoneofthetowels,coveringasmuchasmybodyas
possiblewithitasIfollowedAddisonoutofthesuite.
AsAddisonpredicted,thepoolandtheglassenclosedroomarounditwasempty.I
droppedmytowelonachairandwatchedasAddisonjumpedintothegreenish-blue
water.Ifollowedrightafter.Thecoolwaterwaswarmenoughtobecomfortable.
Theremusthavebeensomesortofheatsourceinthekidneyshapedpool.
“Whatdoyouthink?”Addisoncameupforair.
“It’snice.”Ifloatedonmyback.Floatingwasmucheasierthanswimming.
“Icomeherealot.It’saniceescape.”Herlongdarkhairflowedbehindherasshe
floatednexttome.
“Howoldareyou?”Shelookedclosetomyage,butIcouldn’ttellforsure.
“Nineteen.”Sheusedherarmstomovearoundthepoolbutherlegsremained
relaxed.
“You’reprettymuchthesameageasme.”
“Areyouolderoryounger?”Shepaddledclosertome.
“I’meighteen.”
“Alltheothergirlsareatleasttwentythree.Iwaskindofthebabyofthebunch.”
“Wasthathard?”Iwantedtobebetteraboutkeepingtheconversationfocusedon
her.Irefusedtoturnselfishbecauseofmysituation.
“Thehardpartwasthetransition.Iwentfromcompletelyofflimitstopartofthe
group,youknow?”
“Sothemenleftyoualonebefore?”Iwantedtoknowmoreaboutherexperience.
“TheynoticedmeonceIwassixteenorso,butMasonwasstrictabouteighteen.He
saidthat’sthelegalagetheyusedbefore.”
“Centralgoeswithfifteenforbreeding,don’tthey?”That’swhatI’dheardatleast.I
wouldn’thavebeensurprisediftheywentwithtwelve.
“Yeah.Theysayit’sdifferentbecauseit’snotsex,butIthinkthat’sworse.”
“Theimplantation?”Atleastsheunderstoodmydistasteforit.
“Yeah.Andallthat.Atleastsexiswithanactualperson.There’sarelationshipeven
ifit’snotreallydeep.”Sheclosedhereyes.
Ididn’tsayanythingforamoment.IwonderedifAddisonhadfeltanythingfor
Mason.“HaveyoubeenwithMasonalot?”
“No.Onlyafewtimes.Idon’tthinkheevenwantedto,buthekindofhadtoinhis
position.”
“Whywouldyouthinkhedidn’twantto?”Ididn’twanttopressher,butIwasmore
thanalittlecurious.
“Heseemedtofeelbad.Hedidn’twanttohurtme.Maybehejustrememberedme
beingakid.”Shestoppedfloatingandleanedagainstthewall.
“DoyouknowhowoldMasonis?”
“He’sprettyyoungactually.Maybetwenty-three.”
“Somostofthegirlsareolderthanhim?”I’dassumedhewasolder.Therewas
somethingabouthiseyesandthewayhecarriedhimself.Plusherantheclub.Hewas
awfullyyoungtobedoingthat.
“Uhhuh.Centralhascrackeddownharderthelastfewyears.Ithinkalmostevery
othergirlourageisinCentraliftheyweren’tkidnappedbytheReineorsomething.”
“Soitistrue?Centraltakesgirlswhoaren’tbreeders?”
“They’retryingtomakeeveryoneabreeder,butitdoesn’tseemtowork.”
“Oh.”Whyhadn’tthetraderssoldmetoCentralthen?HadtheReinereallypaid
more?Orwasitoutoffearofwhatwouldhappeniftheydidn’tkeeptheReinehappy?
Itwasn’tworthworryingabout.Thepastwasthepast.
“Doyoulikeit?”Sheflippedtoherstomachandstartedtoswim.
“Likewhat?”
“YouknowwhatI’masking.”Shesmiled.“DoyoulikebeingwithMason?”
“Whywouldyouask?”Istruggledtocomeupwithananswerthatwouldn’tgive
everythingawaybutwouldn’trequiremetooutrightlieeither.
“I’mjustwondering.Somegirlslikeit,butothersdon’t.”
“Doyou?”Iturnedtoquestionaround.
“Withsomeguys.”Shelookedupattheceiling.
“Who?”
“NotMasonifthat’swhatyourworriedabout.”
“Iwasn’tworried.”Imetupwithherontheothersideofthepool.
“Gilesisalwayssweet,andlastnight...”
“What?Whathappenedlastnight?”
“LastnightIwentbackwithEthan.”Ablushcreptuphercheeks.
“Oh.”Irefusedtoletitbotherme.He’dbeenwaitingalongtimetogetontheCircle.
“Didyoulikelastnight?”Iaskedoutofacombinationofcuriosityandpoliteness.
She’dbroughtitupforareason.
“Yesandno.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”Itriedtokeepallemotionfrommyquestion.
“Physicallyitwasgood.He’smoregentlethantheothers,youknow?Buthewasso
distracted,andIknewIwasn’twhohewanted.He’shunguponyou.”
“Whydoyousaythat?”
“Heaskedaboutyouafterwards.”Shereturnedtothewall.
“That’snotbeinghungup.Hefeelsguilty.”Iswamovertothesideandheldonto
thewall.
“Forleaving?”
“Yeah.Whenhelefthewasrejectingme,andheknewthat.I’moverit.Idon’tcare
anymore,butIthinkseeingmeagainremindedhimofwhathedid.”
“Oh.”Shetappedherfingernailsontheside.
“What’sJarrettlike?”Ineededtochangethesubject.ThinkingaboutEthan
remindedmeofhome,whichbroughtbacksomuchsadness.
“I’veneverbeenwithhim.”
“Really?”Iaskedwithgenuinesurprise.IthoughtbeingontheCirclemeansyougot
themosttimewithallofthegirls.
“WhydoyouthinkMasonlet’sJarrettspendsomuchtimewithyou?”
“Whatdoyoumean?Becausehetrustshim.”
“Kayla,Jarrettdoesn’tlikegirls.”Sheswamovertome.
“Oh.”Iletherwordssetin.
“Youdidn’trealizethat?”Shesqueezedwateroutofherhair.
“ShouldIhave?”Wasthatthesortofthingyouwereexpectedtonotice?Ihadso
littleexperiencedealingwithanyoneoutsidemyfamily.
“No.Iguessnot.”Shedoveunderandcamebackuponthewallnexttome.
“SometimesIforgethowrecentlyyougothere.Itfeelslikealotlonger.”
“Ifeelthatwaytoosometimes.”Myfarmfeltlikelifetimesago.
“I’mgladwegottodothistoday.I’vemissedyou.”
Ismiled.“Samehere.”Imeantitstrangelyenough.OneofthebenefitsofSraywas
meetingAddison.I’dneverexpectedtomeetagirlmyage.
“Haveyoumissedme?”Masonwalkedovertotheedgeofthepool.Hisexpression
wasunreadable.
Isaidnothing.InsteadIwatchedasheunbuttonedhisshirtandslippedoutofhis
pants.Hestoodthereinjusthisshorts.
“Areyougoingtojoinus,Mason?”AddisonaskedwhenIstillsaidnothing.
“YesIam.”Hejumpedin,splashingusboth.
Hecameupfromunderthewater,hisarmssnakingaroundmywaist.“Ihaven’t
seenyousinceIleftthismorning.”
Ilaughednervously.“Yeah,Isleptin.”
“I’mgoingtogo.”Addisonsmiledbeforepullingherselfoutofthepool.Shetoweled
offbeforequicklydisappearingoutsidetheroom.
“Sheleftinahurry.”Masonstillhadonearmwrappedaroundme,whiletheother
handheldthesideofthepool.
“Sheprobablythoughtyouwantedprivacy.”
“Privacy?AndwhywouldIwantthat?”
“Noreason.Shejustthoughtit.”Ilookedaway.Despitesleepinginthesamebed
withhim,beinginthepoolintwotinypiecesoffabricfeltmoreintimateeven.
Helaughed.“Youdon’thavetopretendtobesoinnocent,Kayla.”
“WhosaysI’mpretending?”Iputahandonmyhip.Ididn’thavetoworryabout
stayingafloatwhileMasonheldme.
“Howwasyourfirstdayonthejob?”Hechangedthesubject.
“Enjoyable.Thankyou.”IwasgratefulI’dhadthechancetogetoutoftheroomand
contribute.
“Taylorsaysyoudidagreatjob.”
“You’vealreadycheckeduponme?”Iwasn’tsurprised.
“Yes.”Heofferednoapology.
“Oh.”
“Iwascheckinguptomakesureyouwereokay,notbecauseIdon’ttrustyou.”
“Ididn’ttalktoanyonereally,butTaylorwasnice.”
“I’mnotsurethemenknowhowtobearoundyou.Youshouldprobablycometo
theloungetonight.Breaktheice.”
“Ifyouthinkso.”Iwasn’tlookingforwardtoit.Thelights,themusic,itwasallso
loud.Anditalsomeantfacingawholelotofmen,includingoneIreallydidn’twantto
see.
“Youareallowedtohaveyourownopinions.”Hecuppedmycheek.
“I’mnervous,that’sall.”
“It’sGreer,isn’tit?”
Inodded.“Yes.”
“Hewon’tgetnearyou.BetweenJarrettandmeyou’llneverbeleftalone.”
IthoughtaboutwhatAddisonsaid.“Jarrettisverynice.”
“Heis.Helikesyou,thinksyou’respirited.”
“Spirited?Isthatagoodthing?”
“Yes.”Hepickedmeupandsetmedownontheedgeofthepool.Ishiveredfrom
thecold.
“Youlookdangerousinthatthing.”Heputafingerunderneathoneofthestringties
ofmyswimsuit.
“It’sveryrevealing.”
“It’saprettycoloronyou.”
“You’reswimminginyourunderwear.”
Helookeddown.“Iam.IhadtoactfastwhenIfoundyouinhere.”
“Foundme?Ibetyoualreadyknew.Youhavespiesalloverdon’tyou?”
“ItoldyouIhavetoknoweverythingthathappensinmyclub,butyouandAddison
movedquickly.”
Iwrappedmyarmsaroundmyselftogetwarm.
Inablurhepickedmeupandpulledmebackintothewater.“Thatwasmeanofme,
I’msorry.Ishouldhaveknownyou’dgetcold.”
“I’vebeenalotworsethancoldbefore.”Ilookedatmyarmwithoutthinking.
“You’renevergoingtoforgivemeforthat.”
“Forgiveisn’ttherightword.Maybeforgetis.”
Hebrushedhislipsalongmyforehead.“Ihaveapossibleplan.”
“ForQuinn?”Thecoldandthemarkwereinstantlyforgotten.IleftBailey’sname
outincasesomeonewaslistening.
“Yes.ButitmeansI’mgoingtohavetoleave,anditmaybeovernight.”
“Whenwouldyouleave?”Howfastwasthisgoingtogo?Ihadmentallyprepared
myselfforawait.
“Tomorrow.”
“Ok.Good.”
“Good?”Hislipstwistedintoasmile.“Doesthatmeanyou’regladI’mleaving,or
you’regladI’llbeheretonight.”
“Thesecondone,”IansweredfarmorehonestlythanIwantedto.
Hekissedmehardonthelips.Iwaitedformore,butitdidn’tcome.Insteadheset
medowngentlyinthewater.Hegotoutandgrabbedmytowel.
Iwalkedovertothesideandacceptedhishandtogetout.Hewrappedmeinthe
towelanddriedmeoffwithnoapparentconcernforhisownwetform.
“Thanks.”Iwrappedthetowelaroundmetightly.
“Mypleasure.”Hegrabbedatowelfromacartandquicklydriedhimselfoff.
Istared,stilltryingtounderstandthismanwhoneverceasedtosurpriseme.
TWENTY-ONE
MASON
IWAITED
forJarretttotakeaseatbeforeIclosedmyofficedoor.Hewastheoneman
inSrayIfullytrustedandtheonlychancemyplanhadofworking.OnceIensuredthe
doorwasclosed,Itookaseatbehindmydesk.
“What’sgoingon?”Jarrettdidn’twaitformetosettleinmychairbeforeasking.
“Ineedtodosomethingthatmightgetmekilled.”
Hesmiledslyly.“It’sforKaylaisn’tit?”
“Yes.”Nopointpretendingotherwise.
Hegrinned.“Ishouldhaveknownthatgirlwastrouble.”
“Ipromisedherhelp,andImuststandbymyword.”
“Iwouldn’texpectlessfromyou.”Heleanedbackinhischair.
“Shewould.”Sheactedasifsheexpectedmetoturnintoamonsteranyminute.
EverytimeshestaredattheCordingmarkshelookedatmeasifIwasamonster.None
ofthegirlshadevercomplainedabouttheCordingbefore,soI’dneverconsideredita
bigdeal.Kaylawasmakingmethinkaboutitdifferently.Shewasmakingmethinkof
everythingdifferently,andIwasn’tentirelysurehowtofeelaboutthat.
“Nowthat’saloadedstatement.”
“Icareaboutwhatshethinksofme.WhetherIwanttoornot,Icare.”
“Iwon’tlaugh,butIwantto.”Jarrettrockedbackinhischair.
I’dhavesnappedatanyoneelseforactingsorelaxedinmyoffice,butIdidn’thave
towithJarrett.Ourrelationshipwasdifferent.He’dknownmefarlongerthananyone
elseintheclub.“Becauseyouhaveself-preservation.”
“Don’tpretend.Youneedme.”
“Ido.”TherewasnosensepretendingotherwisewhenIwasabouttoaskhimfor
someseriousfavors.
“Whatareyouplanning?”Hestraightenedup.
“TotrytogetabreederandherdaughteroutofCentral.”
Jarrettnearlyfelloutofhischair.“You’vegottobekidding.”
“Afraidnot.”Ilookedupattheceiling.“IdidsaywhatIhadtodomightgetme
killed.”
“IthoughtthesisterwaswiththeReine.”Jarrettleanedbackagain.
“Nope.She’sabreeder,andthetraderssoldhertoCentral.”
“Theyaren’tgettingout.Webothknowthat.”Heputhisfeetonmydesk.
“HowcanIdonothing?”Ipushedhisfeetoff.
Hegrinnedatmyannoyance.“It’sprettyeasy.Youtellheryouvalueyourlife.
Weren’tyoutheonetalkingaboutself-preservation?”
“Youhaven’thadtosaynotoher.Hereyes.Theykillme.”IgroanedasIpictured
theeyesthathadbeenhauntingmydreams.
“You’reinlove.MasonGroveisinfuckinglove.”
Ishookmyhead.“Thisisn’taboutlove.”
“Thenwhatisit?”
“Ilikewhoshemakesme.”Shemademewanttobeabetterman.
“It’slove.Callitwhatyouwant,you’retheboss.”
“Doesitmatter?”Thewordsdidn’tchangewhatIhadtodo.
“Itdoesifyou’rewillingtoriskeverythingforher.”
“Ineedtotalktoyourfriend.”
“Denver?”HeknewexactlywhoIwastalkingabout.They’dgrownuptogetherina
differentbranchofCentral.
“Yes.”Inodded.“Thinkyoucangetmeanappointment?”
“Yes,buthe’snotgoingtobeabletopullthisoffnomatterwhatyoupayhim.”
“He’stheonlyhopeIhave.”Unfortunatelythatwasthetruth.Therewerefewmen
whohadaprayerofhelpingmepullthisoff,andtherewereevenlessI’ddreamof
trusting.Denverwasn’ttrustworthythewayJarrettwas,buthecouldbebought—fora
price.
“WhenDenverisyouronlyhope,youknowyou’rescrewed.”
“I’mscrewed.”Mightaswellcallaspadeaspade.
“Youwerealwaysthesmartone,youknowthat?”
“Idon’tthinkI’dgothatfar.”
“Iwould.Youwerethebrainsbehindeverything.It’swhywe’restillalive.Yetallit
tookwasonelittleblondetomakeyouanabsoluteidiot.”Heleanedonthedeskonhis
elbows.
“Iloveher.”Iletthewordsslipout.
Hegrinned.“See,youadmitit.Thathelps.”
“Howdoesthathelp?”
“Itmeansthere’sareasonbehindthemadness.Reasonisimportant.”
“YougoingtogetincontactwithDenverforme?”
“Yes.AndI’mguessingyouwantmetostayherewithher.”
“Yes.Iwanthersafe.Ipromisedhershewouldbesafe.”
“Youpromisedshewouldbesafewhileyougoofftogetyourselfkilled.Haveyou
takenthetimetothinkaboutwhat’sgoingtohappentoherifyou’redead?”
“You’llprotecther.”
“Sure,untilGreergetsinvolved.He’spissed.Idon’tknowhowhardthegirlcankick,
butitmusthavebeenprettybad.”Hestraightenedupagain.
“Ithasnothingtodowithhisnutsandeverythingtodowithhisego.He’snotused
tobeingtoldno.”
“Domeafavorandlivethen.Idon’twanttohavetodealwithapowerstruggle.”
“I’mnotdyinganytimesoon.”Iwasgoodatsurviving.OtherwiseI’dhavenever
madeitthisfar.
“Soshecangiveyouakid.Afamily.Iunderstandwhat’shappeninghere.”
“Shemaynotbeabreeder.”
“Butshemightbe.You’rehavingdreamsofafamily.”Heputhishandsoverhis
heart.
“Whatthehelldoesitmatter?IadmittedIloveher.Whatmoredoyouwant?”
“Ijustwantyoutothinkthingsthrough.Ifshegetspregnant—you’regoingtohave
adilemma.EvenifyoucouldgetthesisterandkidoutofCentral,youcan’thide
anotherkid.You’regonnagetcaught,andthey’lltakethemallaway.Thenwhat
happens?Areyougoingtogocrazyontheworld?”
“I’mnotgoingtoletithappen.”
“You’recrazierthanDenver.”Heshookhishead.
“MaybeIam,butIhavetodothis.”
“Whendoyouwantthemeeting?”
“Tomorrow.”Thesoonerthebetter.
Helaughed.“Ofcourseyoudo.”
“HaveImentionedyou’rethebestatwhatyoudo?”
“Plentyoftimes.”
“I’lloweyou.”
“Youowemelotsalready.”
“Ido.”JarretthadhelpedmemoretimesthanIcouldcount.Ihelpedhimtoo,butin
thebalancehe’ddonemoreforme.
“Goseeher.Icantellthat’swhatyoureallywanttobedoing.”
“You’llreallywatchher?”OtherwiseIcouldn’tleave.
“Yeah,youknowIwill.Despitethefactthatshemaybethedownfallofusboth,I
likeher.She’sdifferent.”
“Yeah,sheis.”Istood.“Thanks,Jarrett.”
“Thankmewhenit’sallover.”
Inodded.“Iwill.”
IwaitedforJarretttoleavemyofficebeforeIheadedtowardmybedroom.Jarrett
wasabsolutelyright.SeeingKaylawasexactlywhatwasonmymind.
SHEWAS
soundasleepbythetimeIslippedintobedbesideher.She’dleftthelightson
givingmetheperfectviewofhersleepingform.Shewaswearingredtonight,andI
watchedherevenbreathing.Ikeptthelightsonandpulledherintomyarms.
Shemumbledsomethingandcurledupintome.
Iranmyhanddownherback.
“Mason?”sheaskedsleepily.
“Hey,sorryIwokeyouup.”
“It’sokay.”Sheopenedhereyes.
“Youdoingallright?”
“Yes.You?”Sheblinkedafewtimes.
“Justmakingsomeplansfortomorrow.”
“Iwasthinkingaboutthat.”Shemovedtositting.
“Ohyeah?”
“Idon’twantyoutoputyourselfindanger.Icandoitmyself.”Shenoddedasifto
convinceherselfratherthanme.
“Doityourself?”Itriednottosoundcondescendingeventhoughthethoughtofit
wascrazy.“Andhowareyougoingtomanagethat?”
“Idon’tknowyet,butIcancomeupwithsomething.”
“Iappreciateyourconcern,butIcandothis.”
“Why?Whyareyouwillingtodothis?”Shegrabbedmyarm.“BecauseIdon’tgetit.
Youshouldn’tbewilling.Yes,youpromisedtohelp,butthatwaswhenyouthoughtthe
Reinehadher.Iliedtoyou.Thatnegatedthepromise.”
Itookadeepbreath.I’dsaidittoJarrett,surelyIcouldtellher.“BecauseI’minlove
withyou,Kayla.”
“Inlovewithme?”Sheputahandtoherchest.“How?”
“Whatdoyoumeanhow?It’sanaturalprocess—intheory.”
“Buthowwouldyouknow?”Sheaskedwithwhatsoundedlikegenuineconfusion.
“It’ssomethingIfeel.”Iwatchedhertryingtogetagaugeonwhethermywords
meantanythingtoher.
“Inyourchest?Awarmththatnevergoesaway?”
“Whywouldyouask?”Ifeltmylipstwistintoasmile.
“Because.”Shelookeddownattheblanket.“BecauseIthinkI’mfeelingthesame
way.”
Igrinned.Icouldn’thelpit.IntellingherIlovedher,Ihadn’texpectedtohearthe
sameinreturn.“Icouldkissyouforsayingthat.”
“Thenwhydon’tyou?”Hereyesbecameheated,andIknewshewaschallenging
metodoawholelotmorethankissher.
“Doyouwantmeto?”Iwantedhertohavethechoice.She’dneverbeengiven
choicesinherlife.
“Yes.”Sherakedherteethoverherbottomlipandthatdidit.
Mylipswereonhers,andmyarmswerearoundher.Ipushedforaccesstoher
mouth,andshereadilygaveit.Itastedherhungrily.Shemoanedintomymouth,
encouragingmeon.Islippedoffoneofthestrapsofhernightieslowly,savoringthe
experience,whileIbrokeourkisssomylipscouldmovetoherneck.Islippeddown
theotherstrap,andthesilkfelldownherbody,exposingherbeautifulbreasts.Imet
hereyes,makingsureshestillwantedmetocontinue.Shenodded,andIcuppedoneof
herbreastsinmyhands.Itfitperfectly,herdelicateskinsofterthananyfabricI’dever
touched.Itookherotherbreastinmymouth,savoringthemoanitelicited.
Islippedtherestofthenightieoffofher,followingitbypullingoffherunderwear.
I’dseenhernakedbefore,butthiswasdifferent.Thistimeshewasinmybed,wanting
metoundressher.Ithadonlybeenafewdays,butitfeltasifaneternityhadpassed
sincetheCording.
Shetuggedonmyboxers,andImovedtomakeiteasieronher.Hereyesroamed
overmybody.Shereachedoutandthensetherhandbackdown.
Istruggledwithencouragingherandkeepingmymouthshut.Theformerwon
over,andIwasrewardedbyeuphoriaasshetookmeinherhand.
“IhavenoideawhatI’mdoing.”Shestrokedmegently.
“Yesyoudo.”
Shesmiled.“Ido?”
“Yes.”Iclosedmyeyesandallowedmyselftoenjoythesensationforamoment
beforeIoffsetherhandandfocusedonherbody.Islippedmyhandbetweenherlegs.
Shetensedandtriedtopushmeout.
“Sorry,”shemumbled.
“Nosayingsorry.You’reallowedtobenervous.”Shewasallowedtobeanything.
Shewantedme,andthatknowledgemademefarhappierthanIbelievedpossible.
“Ok.”Sheopeneduptome,closinghereyes.
“Areyoureadyforme,Kayla?”I’dnevercaredsomuchaboutanotherperson’s
desiresbefore.
“Yes.”Sheopenedhereyesandmetmine.“I’mready.”
IwasasgentleaspossibleasIenteredher,afraidofhurtingher.Shewastenseat
first,butthenrelaxedasIspedupmythrusting.SheheldontomeasIcontinued,and
hergaspsslowlymeltedintomoans.
“Iloveyou.”Ineededhertoknowthiswasdifferent.Thiswassomuchmorethan
sex.
“Iloveyoutoo.”Hereyeslockedonmine.
IheldonaslongasIcould,desperatetogiveherthepleasureshedeserved.Shewas
soresponsive.Herbodyhummed,andherhandsgrippedmeasifshewereafraidI’d
disappearifsheletgo.
“Mason!”shecalledoutmyname.“Mason.”Shewhisperedmynamethistime,and
I’dneverheardasweetersound.
“Oh,myKayla.”IreachedmyreleaseandIstayedinsideherlongafter,holdingher
ascloseaspossible.
IwouldneverbeabletosaynotoKayla.Iwasagoner,andIdidn’tcare.
TWENTY-TWO
KAYLA
IWASNOLONGERUNTOUCHED
.ThethoughtflittedthroughmymindwhenIwoke
upcurledinMason’sarms.He’dstayedinbedthatmorning,andIwasgrateful.It
wouldhavebeendifficulttowakeupaloneaftersuchanintenseevening.Ithadbeen
nothinglikeI’dexpected.Therehadbeensomepain,butnothinghe’ddone
intentionally.He’dbeensogentleandkind.Andtherehadbeenpleasure.Pleasurelike
I’dheardof,butIhadassumedwasfiction.
Iopenedmyeyestofindhimwatchingmewithalookhalfofcuriosityandhalfof
contentment.“Goodmorning.”Thewordscameoutscratchy.Myvoicewashoarse
fromsleep.
“Goodmorning.”Hegrinned.“I’mreallygoingtogetusedtowakingupthisway.”
Hekissedmegently.“Doyoulikewakingupwithme?”
“Yes,”Iansweredhonestly.IenjoyeditfarmorethanIimaginedorwantedto
admit.“Areyoushowering?”
Hesmiled.“Why,youwanttojoinme?”
“No.Ijustwouldtakeoneifyouweren’t.”
“Therereallyisnoreasonweshouldn’ttakeonetogether.”
Ilethiswordssoakin.Ashowertogether?
“Wouldyoujoinme?”Hiswordswerelight,buthiseyeswereheated.
Ilookedattheclockinhisbedstand.“Idon’twanttobelateforwork.”
Hesighed.“RemindmewhyIagreedtoletyoudothat?”
“I’mguessingithadsomethingtodowithmakingmehappy.”
“Ohyeah,that.”Heranhisfingersthroughmytangledhair.“Whataboutmaking
mehappy?”
“Andmyshoweringwithyouisgoingtomakeyouhappy?”
“Veryhappy.”
“Andyou’llmakesureIgettoworkontime?”Iknewitdidn’tactuallymatter.
Taylorwouldn’tbeupset,butIdidn’twanttobeknownasaslacker.Thatwasn’twhoI
was.
“Absolutely.”
Ipushedupagainsthisarms.“Allrightthen,butIhopeyoulikeyourshowershot.”
Iwasenjoyingtheseeminglyendlesssupplyofhotwatertheclubhad.Ahotshower
wasaluxurybackhomeintheRurals.
Hegrinned.“Veryhot,Kayla.Veryhot.”
IwaitedforhimtostarttheshowerbeforeIfollowedbehindhim.Thestallwas
alreadycoveredinsteam,andthechillofthemorningdisappearedassoonasIclosed
theglassdoorbehindme.
“Youcangounderfirst.”Heheldback,gesturingmetowardthestreamofwater.
Igladlysteppedunderthewater,lettingitrundownmybody,encasingmein
warmth.
“Youlooksobeautiful.”Masonclosedthespacebetweenus,joiningmeunderthe
spray.
Iwelcomedhisarmsaroundme,onlyslightlysurprisedwhenIfelthimstarttorun
abarofsoapovermybody.Irestedahandonhischest,surprisedbytheeffecttheact
ofcleaningwashavingonme.
“Howdoesthatfeel?”Heaskedsoftly.
“Good.”Itookthesoapfromhim,wantingtodothesametohisbody.Iwantedto
knowwhatthestronglinesofhisbodywouldfeellikeunderthehotwater.Mason
broughtoutsuchadifferentsideinme,asideIhadn’trealizedIhad.
Hetookmybreastinmymouth,andhishandmovedbetweenmylegsasIranthe
soapoverhisback.
Idroppedthesoapbackintothedish,unabletoconcentrateanymore.
Hismouthmovedbacktomylips,andhepushedhiswayintomymouth.Igotlost
inhiskiss,overwhelmedbythewaterandthesensationofbeingsoclose.
Inaquickmotionhehadmepinnedupagainstthewalloftheshower.Without
warninghethrustintome,andIgaspedinsurprise.Thiswassodifferentfromthe
nightbeforeinhisbed.Itwasprimalandintense,yethewasn’trough.Therewas
gentlenesstothewayheprotectedmefromthehardwallwithhisarms.
“You’reamazing,Kayla.Amazing,”hewhisperedagainstmyear.
Itriedtoholdon,triedtofindmyselfamidsttheintensityofourphysical
connection.
JustasIcouldn’thandleanymorehehelpedmeslidebackdowntostanding.Oneof
hishandssettledonmyhip,andtheothercradledmyhead.“That’swhatmornings
shouldbe.Justyou,me,andhotwater.”
“Andsoap.Don’tforgetit.”Iattemptedajoke,somethingIwasn’tparticularlygood
at.
“Oh,thatremindsme.”
“Remindsyouofwhat?”
“Weneverwashedyourhair.”
“Youwanttowashmyhair?Afterthat?”Howhecouldthinkofanythingafterwhat
hadjustoccurredastoundedme.
“Ofcourse.Iliketakingcareofyou.”Heopenedthebottleofshampooandpoured
someintohishands.Iclosedmyeyesashemassageditintomyhair.“Everything’s
goingtobeokaynow,Kayla.You’redonehiding,you’redonelivinginfear.”
Heledmeunderthewatersowecouldwashouttheshampoo.Minuteslaterhe
turnedoffthewaterandtoweledmeoff.Hedidn’tseemtomindthathewasdripping
wet.Thatwasthesecondtimehe’dseentodryingmebeforehimself.Masonwasnot
themanI’doriginallythoughthewas,butdidthatexcusethewayIfeltabouthim?Did
thatmakeitokaytofallinlovewhenQuinnandBaileywerestillatrisk?Guiltgnawed
atmeasIgotdressed.
“Idon’twanttoleaveyou,butImadeyouapromise.”Masonbuttonedhisshirt.
“You’regoingtoday?”
“Yes,now.Ihaveameeting,it’stheonlyideaIhave.”
“Butyou’llturnbackifit’stoorisky,right?”Iwasamess.Iwasdesperatetosave
QuinnandBailey,butIdidn’twantMasongettinghurt.Thatwastheproblemwith
fallingforhim.Iwasbeyondconflicted.
“You’renotgoingtobehappyuntilyouseethemagain.IwishIcouldbeenough,
butIknowIcan’tbe.”
“Ijustdon’twantthemgoingthroughallthat.It’snotfairformetobehere,
experiencingthis…”Igesturedbetweenus,becauseitwasfareasierthantryingtosum
itupinwords.
“We’vealreadytalkedaboutthelackoffairnessinlife,butIunderstandyou.Iam
onlygoingforameeting.Eitherit’spossibleorit’snot.”
“Howlongwillyoubegone?”Ipulledonashirtandpants.
“Nomorethanonenightatthemost.Jarrettwillbeclosebyatalltimes.”
Islippedonmyboots.“Thankyou.Thankyoufordoingthisforme.”
“Youdon’tneedtothankme.”Hepulledmeintohisarms.“Justtrytostayunder
theradarwhileI’mgone.Jarrettisgoingtostayclose,butmakehisjobeasyifyoucan.
I’mmorenervousaboutleavingyouthanIamaboutthismeeting.”
“Iwill.Idon’thavetogotoworkifthatwouldbeeasier.”Hewasmakinga
tremendoussacrifice.Icouldmakeafarsmalleroneifitputhimateaseandsimplified
thingsforJarrett.
“It’sfine.JarretthasneverspentmuchtimeattheHydros.Itwillbealearning
experienceforhim.”
“He’sgoingtohavetostayandwatchme?”Ididn’tactuallymind,notinthewayI
wouldhaveafewdaysbefore,butitdidn’tseemfairtoJarrett.
“Hedoesn’tmind.It’sabetterassignmentthanothershe’shad.”
“You’veknownhimalongtime?”Theyseemedexceptionallyclose,andIdidn’t
believehislackofattractiontomewastheonlyreasonMasonkepthimclose.Hehad
realtrustinJarrett,andtrustwassomethingMasondidn’tseemtohavealotofin
anyone.
“ImethimnotlongafterIleftCentral.HewasintheoldbranchofCentraloutwest
that’sclosednow.”
“ThereweremorethanoneCentralbranch?”Thatwasnewstome.AsfarasIknew
therewasjustoneCentral.
“Theyexistedinalmostallcitiesuntilthepopulationdidn’twarrantit.Thislast
generationhitushard,butyoualreadyknowthat.”
“Ido.”Iknewitalltoowell.
“YoucantrustJarrett.Iwon’ttellyouthataboutanyoneelse.”
“Whataboutthepersonyou’remeeting?Canyoutrusthim?”
Mason’sexpressiondarkened.“Ihopeso.”
“I’llneverforgivemyselfifyoudon’tmakeitback.”Mygutclenched.Hewasdoing
thisforme.Hewasriskingeverything—hislife,hisclub,everythingjusttohelpme.
“Youaskedmetodothisfortherightreason.You’llforgiveyourself.”
“Iwashopingyou’dpromisemeyou’dbeback.”
Masonputhishandsonmyhips.“Idon’twanttomakepromisesImaynotbeable
tokeep.I’vealreadybackedmyselfintoacorneronthisone.”
“Thisshouldn’tbesoupsettingtome.”
“Youadmitit’supsetting?”
“IadmittedIlovedyou.Thatwasabiggerthingtoadmit,wasn’tit?”
“Maybe,maybenot.”Hebrushedhislipsagainstmine.“I’mgoingtomissyou.”
“Missmebecauseoflastnight?”Iasked.
“MissyoubecausedespitemyselfI’vegrownattached.”
“You’renottheonlyone.”Ilookeddown.
Heliftedmychinwithhishand.“Ihopeyou’rerightaboutthat.”
TWENTY-THREE
KAYLA
“YOUDON’THAVE
tostaywithmethewholetime,”IwhisperedtoJarrett.
“SureIdo.”Hekneelednexttomewithatrowel.“Iamunderexplicitordersto
keepyouwithinmysight.”
“Butthatdoesn’tmeanyouhavetogetyourhandsdirty.”
“YouthinkIcan’thandlegettingmyhandsdirty?”Heraisedaneyebrow.“Because
that’salittlebitinsulting,MissRurals.”
“Ididn’tusethewordscan’thandle.Iwassimplyremindingyouthatthispartisn’t
required.”Ishruggedoffthenicknameheused.Idecideditwasn’tinameanway,and
IhadnoproblembeingassociatedwiththeRurals.IwasproudofwhereIwasfrom.
“Idon’tmindit.”Heduganotherhole.“It’skindofrelaxingactually.”
“Haveyouworkeddownherebefore?”Istartedanewrowbesidehis.
“No,”heanswered.“I’venevercaredto,butIcanalmostseetheappeal.”
“It’simportant.Youwouldn’thavefoodotherwise.”Thatwasoneofmyfavorite
thingsaboutgrowinguponafarm—theknowledgeofwherethethingsweneedcome
from.
“There’slotsofimportantthingsIhavenothingtodowith.”
“Ifyoudon’tmindmyasking,whatdoyoudohere?Youmentionedpaperworkthe
otherday.What’sthepaperworkfor?”Iwipedsweatoffmyforehead.Thelampswere
reallyhot.
“Ican’ttellyou.”
Iraisedaneyebrow.“Comeon.”
“Ireallycan’t.It’sthe‘I’dhavetokillyou’kindofsituation.”
“I’mpersonallyCordedtoMason.”Isetasidemytrowel.
“I’mwellaware.”
“Andthatdoesn’tmeanyoucantellme?”
“TheCordingdoesn’tstopyoufromspillingthedetailstosomeoneelse.Evidently
Masonletsyououtonceinawhile.”Hecockedhisheadtotheside.
“Heisn’tkeepingmelockedup.”Ifeltsurprisinglydefensive.
“Defensive,huh?”Jarrettgrinned,easilypickinguponmyemotion.“You’refalling
forhimtoo.I’mgladhislove’snotunrequited.”
“Wait.Hetoldyouhowhefelt?”I’dhearditwithmyownears,butsomehow
knowinghetoldJarrettmadeitsoundmorereal.
“Whyelsewouldhebedoingsomethingasstupidasheis?”Jarrettglancedoverhis
shoulder.
“Ifeelguiltyaboutit.ButthenI’malsoglad.I’mtornintwodifferentdirectionson
this.”
“Makessense.Meansyou’reaprettygoodperson.”
“Howso?”
“You’renotsoself-absorbedyoudon’tcareabouttheriskMasonistaking,but
you’renotsotiedupinMasonyou’veforgottenthereasonthatbroughtyouhere.
You’retornbecauseyoucare.That’snotsomethingtobeashamedof.”
“WhyareyouatSray?”Iwasn’tsurewhyIfeltsoboldtoask,butIwascurious.Was
itonlyoutofloyaltytoMason?
“Samereasonaseveryoneelse.”Hetookahandfulofseedsandplacedthemineach
oftheholes.Thenhesmiled.“Accesstoahandfulofgirlsisn’ttheonlyreasonthemen
arehere.”
“Thenwhyarethey?”Ipickedupsomeseedsandmirroredhismotions.
“Safety.Security.I’msureyou’venoticedhowfewwindowswehavehere.Themen
dotheirjobs,andinreturntheygetfoodandthelikelihoodtheywon’tgetkilled.Those
aretwothingstheyaren’tlikelytogetoutthere.”Hepointedtooneofthewalls.
“Idon’tthinkIeverthoughtaboutthat.Thatgirlsaren’ttheonlyoneswhoaren’t
safe.”
“Don’tgetmewrong.It’sworseforyou.Menaren’thunted.Butthereisviolence
andpoverty,andallsortsofcrapthatonlyseemstogetworseeveryday.”
“Ourworldhaslostitsmind.”Anditwasonlygettingworse.
“Ourworldhaslostitsway.Ifwedon’tsolvethepopulationproblemnoneofthis
mattersthough.”
“IsthatyourwayofsayingyousupportCentral?”Istruggledtokeepmyangerin
check.
“No.”Heshookhishead.“It’smywayofsayingthissituationisbiggerthananyof
us.Somethinghastogive.MaybetheansweristogetridofCentral,andletithappen
naturally.”Heloweredhisvoicetoawhisper.“Yoursisterdiditwithoutanyonegetting
involved.Maybeitwouldhappenmoreiftherewasawaytokeepyouallsafe.”
“There’sstillonlyafewofuswhoarebreeders.Atleastitseemsthatway.”Ipoured
somewaterintoeachhole.
“Yetnooneknewaboutyoursister.Whatifthere’slotsmoreinhiding?Thefact
thatyouhavetohidemesseseverythingup.”
“Butwehavetohide.”Ipattedovereachholewithdirt.
“Ofcourseyoudo.”Hisfacetensed.“Ijustwishyoudidn’t.”
“Youandmeboth.”Hereachedforthewater.
Weworkedsilentlyforanotherhalfhour,anditwaspleasant.Jarrettwasgoodat
understandingwhenIwantedtotalkandwhenIdidn’t.Iwonderedifthatwasoneof
thethingsMasonlikedabouthim.
Aloudsoundechoedthroughtheroom.Itstartedlowandthengotlouderand
louderuntilitwasneardeafening.Icoveredmyearswithmyhandsandstaredat
Jarrettquizzically.
“Let’sgo.”Jarretttossedhistrowelandgrabbedmyarm.
“What’sgoingon?”Iyelledovertheblaringnoise.
“Thesirensaregoingoff.Someone’sbrokenin.”
“What?”Itriedtomakesenseofwhatwashappening.Menwererunningtoward
theelevator.
“Notimetoexplain.”Jarretttuggedonmyarmandledmeintheoppositedirection
oftheothers.
Ilethimleadme.Ihadnooneelsetotrustandnowhereelsetogo.Masonhad
promisedIcouldtrustJarrett,andIneededtotrustbothofthemnow.
Jarrettpulledoutakeyandunlockedametaldoor.Heusheredmethroughintoa
stairwellbeforelockingthedoorbehindhim.Heputafingertohislipsintheuniversal
signofsilence.InoddedtolethimknowIunderstood.
Ishook.Iwasusedtohiding,butthiswasdifferentthanthebarn.Somethingwas
wrong,andIhadasickeningfeelinginthepitofmystomachithadsomethingtodo
withme.Ididn’thaveBaileyandQuinntoworryaboutthistime,butIhadAddison
andtheothergirls.Whateverwashappeninglikelywouldn’tbegoodforthemeither.
Jarrettpulledmedownaflightofstairs,andthenanother.Wecontinuedthis
dizzyingspiraldownuntilI’dlosttrackofjusthowmanyflightswe’dgone.Iheldonto
hishandasifitwasmylifepreserver.Outofnowherewaterstartedtosprayfromthe
ceiling.
“Shit.”Jarrettbrokethesilence.“I’msorry,Kayla.I’msorry.”
“Whyareyousorry?”Istruggledtospeakthroughmychatteringteeth.Iwaswet
andterrified.
“BecauseIhavenoideaifwearegoingtogetoutofthisalive.”
“It’snotyourfault.”I’dplacedenoughguiltonmyselfinlife,Iwasn’tgoingtolet
himdoit.“Butyouhavetotellmewhat’sgoingon.Whyiswatersprayingfromthose
things?”IpointedtothemetalattachmentstotheceilingIcouldbarelyseeinthedim
light.
“Theyaresprinklers,anditmeansthere’safire.Thesirensmeanabreach.
Someoneisintheclubandtryingtoburnitdown.”
“TheyknewMasonwasgone.”Andthatmeantalot.Itmeantthiswasn’trandom.It
musthavebeenplannedbysomeonewhoknewMasonhadleft.
“Yes,itwasaninsidejob.”Jarretthadslowedbuthestillcontinueddownsteps.“I’m
sureofit.”
“Gettheothergirls.Addison.”Istopped,tryingtopulloffhishold.
“Ican’tleaveyou.”Jarrettgavemeasternlook.“IsworetoMasonI’dtakecareof
you.”
“I’mnotmoreimportantthanthem,andwebothknowthishassomethingtodo
withme.”
“Wedon’tknowthat.”Heshookhishead.“Itcouldbeunrelated.”
“It’snot.”Igrittedmyteeth.“Iknow,andifyou’djustadmitit,youknowittoo.”
“Itdoesn’tmatter.Ihavetogetyououtofhere.”Hepickedmeup.
Ikickedagainsthim.“No.Notwithouttheothers.”
“Iamsurethegirlsareok.Thereisaprotocol.ThereisaCirclememberassignedto
each.”
“ButwhatifaCirclememberisbehindthis?”Istoppedkicking,butIwasn’tdone
arguing.“That’sarealpossibility.”
“Shit.”Jarrettcursedagainandhestopped.
“JusttellmewhatdirectiontogowhenIreachthebottom,andI’llbefine.Youhave
tosavethem.”
“Ifsomethinghappenstoyou,Masonwillneverforgiveme.”
“Rememberwhatyoutoldme,aboutbeingagoodperson.It’sokaytobetorn.
You’vedoneenoughtohelpme.Helpthemnow.”
Hetookakeyoffakeyring.“Therearetwoflightsofstairsleft.Atthebottom,open
thedoor,anditwilldumpyouintothetunnels.Lockthedoorbehindyouandkeep
going.IwillfindyouorsendMasondown,butifyoukeepgoingyouwilleventually
reachtheoutskirtsofthecity.”
Inodded,realizingwehadnotimeformetoaskquestions.“Savetheothers.”
“IwilldowhatIcando,andifIneverseeyouagain,Ihopeyousaveyoursister.I
hopeyou’reabreeder.Ihopeyousavetheworld.”Withoutanotherwordheturned
andranbackupthestairs,leavingmeinthedarkenedstairwellwhilethesprinklers
continuedtospraywateronmyalreadysoakedform.Istarteddownthenextflightof
stairs,tooterrifiedtoeventhinkaboutwhatwasgoingtohappennext.
TWENTY-FOUR
MASON
LEAVINGDIDN’TCOMEEASILY
.IknewKaylawassafewithJarrett,butthatdidn’tget
ridofthenaggingfeelinginthebackofmymindthatIwasmakingamistakeby
leavingtheclub.ItriedtopushawaythethoughtbyremindingmyselfIwasdoingthis
forKayla.Iwantedherhappy,andthatwasn’tgoingtohappenunlessIpulledoffthe
impossible.Iwasinovermyhead,butthatdidn’tmatter.Ihadnootherchoice.
Iconsideredturningbackseveraltimeswhileheadingawayfrommyroom,butI
eventuallyreachedthelobby.
Itwasn’tempty.
“Haveagoodtrip.”Greersmiledbroadly.“Don’tworry.I’llmakesurethingsstayin
linewhileyou’regone.”
Ihadn’tactuallyplannedtotellhimIwasleaving,buthe’doverheardmegiving
instructionstotheguards.“Iwon’tbegonelong,andJarrettisincharge.”
“Ofcourseheis.Jarrettisalwaysinchargewhenyouleave.”Greer’sexpression
hardened.
“Istheresomethingyouwanttosaytome,Greer?”Idaredhimtoactuallysaywhat
hefelt.Iknewhewouldn’t.Hewastoomuchofachickentosayanything.
“No.Nothing.Thereisnothingtosaythatcan’tbesaidlater.”
Inodded.“Good.”Ihadtoleave.Icouldn’tlethimknowhowmuchherattledme,
andIhadtomakeittomymeetingplacewithDenverontime.
WithanodattheguardsIhurriedoutontothestreet.
Iboardedatrainandheadedeast.Intheorythetripwouldhavebeenfasterbycar,
butacarmadeyouatargetandnecessitatedgoingthroughcheckpoints.Ihadno
patiencefortrafficstopsonamissionlikethisone.
IthoughtovermyconversationwithGreerandcouldn’tshakeit.Iwasstillangry
overhistreatmentofKayla,butsometimespoliticshadtoovercomeanger.Icould
onlykeepKaylasafeifIstayedinpower.PuttingupwithGreerwasrequiredforthe
time-being.Eventuallyhe’dgetwhatwascomingtohim.
Iwaitedtenselyasthetraintookmefartherandfartherfromtheclub.Ihadtostay
focused.Thingswouldgomoresmoothlythatway.
Thetrainpulledintothefinalstopoftheline,andIpushedmywayoffbeforethe
doorsclosedandcontinuedupthestairstothestreet.
IreachedDenver’sdilapidatedbrickbuilding.Itwasleaningheavilytooneside,and
Iwasn’tsurehowmuchlongeritwouldremainstanding.Ifitwereanyoneelse,I
wouldhaveruntheotherway,butitwasDenver.Hewastheonlyonecrazyenoughto
helpme.
IknockedonthedoorusingthesillypatternofknocksJarretthadinstructedmeto
use.Threelongandtwoshort.
Thedoorwaswrenchedopen,butnooneappeared.AgainstmybetterjudgementI
steppedin,keenlyawareIhadnoideawhatIwassteppinginto.Thedoorslammed
shutbehindme,andIwassurroundedbydarkness.
Denverappearedoutofthedarknessasheflickedonasinglenakedbulbhanging
fromtheceiling.“Mason.”Henoddedtomeashelockedthesixpadlocksinsidethe
door.
“Denver.Youlookwell,”Ilied.Helookedevencrazierthanusualwithhisunruly
longbrownhairandascruffybeard.Whoknowswhenthelasttimewasthatheever
showered.
“Thanks,Iwouldsaythesametoyou,butIwon’t.”
“That’sfine.”IhadmetDenverenoughtimestobeusedtohisstrangemannerisms.
“Jarrettsaidyouhadapropositionforme?”
Iwasn’tsurprisedDenvermadenoattempttooffermeaseat.Itsavedtime,and
rightnowtimewasespeciallyimportant.“Ido.”
“Whatisit?”Denverputahandinthepocketofhiswornblackpants.
“BreakintoCentralandgetamotherandchildout.”Itwasbettertojustlayitout
therewithDenver.Hedidn’tdowellwhenyoubeataroundthebush.Isuspectedhe
understood,buthelikedtopretendhedidn’t.
“BreakamotherandchildoutofCentral?”Denveraskedinamonotonevoice.
“Yes.Youin?”
“YouaremoreoutofyourmindthanIam.”Denvershookhishead.
“MaybeIam,butI’llpayyou50k.”
“50k?”Denverappearedtomullitover.“Yourealizethisisinsanityandnearly
impossible?”
“Nearly,butnotcompletely.”
Hepacedbarefootacrossthewoodenfloor.“Ok.It’scrazy,butImighthaveaplan.”
“Aplan?”Iraisedaneyebrow.
“Givemeafewdays.I’llgetintouchwithJarrett.”Henoddedinthedirectionofthe
door.
“Good.”Iwasn’taskinganymorequestions.Ifhewasatleastconsideringthedeal,I
wasluckierthanIexpected.
Heunlockedthesixpadlocksandopenedthedoor.
Itookthehintandheadedout.Denverwasaheadcase,buthewasalsomyonly
hope.
Iwaitedatthestationtryingtogetridofthegnawingfeelinginmygutthat
somethingwaswrong.IthadhitmethemomentIleftDenver’s,andIcouldn’tshakeit.
Cellservicehadbeendownforyears,butI’dneverlongedforitmore.Ineededtoget
throughtoJarrett.IhadtoknowthatKaylawasokay.
Thetrainfinallyarrived,andIpushedthroughthecrowd.TherewasnowayIwas
waitinguntilthenext.Thetrainmovedimpossiblyslowthroughthestationsuntilthe
trainstopped.
“Allpassengersmustexit.Allpassengersmustexit.”Anannouncementblared
throughaloudspeaker.Thedoorsopenedandpassengersstartedtospillout.Imoved
alongwiththecrowd.Thetrainwasn’tgoingtomove,soI’dhavetowaitforanother.
“Notrainservicewestofhere,”amansaidloudly.“It’sallshutdownbecauseSray’s
onfire.”
Sray.Ifoundthemanwhowastalking.“Whatdidyoujustsay?”
“Notrainservicegoingwest.SrayClubisonfire,andtheycan’tputitout.”
“Wheredidyouhearthis?”
“Ijustcamefromthecentralterminal.Theymadeanannouncementlookingfor
anyonewithexperienceputtingoutfires.Thefiredepartmentshutitsdoorstwoyears
ago,andnowwe’resufferingtheconsequences.”
Iturnedawaytowardthewest.Itwasfivemilesbackatleast,butIhadnoother
choice.Myclubwasonfire,andithadmyKaylainit.
Ishedmyjacketandstartedtorun.Ipushedmyselfharderthaneverinmylife.I
dodgedthetrafficofthestreetsandcontinued,runningthroughtheblockadesthe
closerIgottotheclub.
“Sir,stop!”Someoneshouted,butIignoredthem.IhadtogetbacktoSray,andI
refusedtoletanyonegetinmyway.
Ikeptrunning.Smokeandflamesfilledthesky,andItriednottobreathitinasI
nearedtheclub.Idodgedseveralmenwithwaterhosesattemptingtocontroltheblaze
andranintotheonlygroundlevelentrancetothebuilding.
“Stop!”Someonegrabbedthebackofmyshirt.Ishruggedthemoffandsmashed
throughthefrontdoorintothelobby.
ThesmokewassothickIcouldn’tsee.Iwentdowntomykneesandcrawledtoward
thesecurityoffice.Thedoorwasclosed,andIhopedthatmeantthefireandsmoke
hadn’tspreadthatfar.Itmightgivemeachancetofindaweapon.Whoeverstartedthe
firemighthavebeenhangingaround.Iwasn’ttakingthechanceofanyonekeeping
Kaylaawayfromme.ItriednottobreatheasIsearchedformykeybeforestanding.I
coughedasIfoundthelockandsteppedinside.
Therewaslesssmokeinside,andIhurriedovertothedeskunlockingthetop
drawer.
“You’retoolate.”Ijumpedasideassomeoneattemptedtohitmeoverthehead
frombehind.Themetalpoleinsteadstruckloudlyagainsttheconcretefloor.
Iwhirledaround,stillbarelyabletoseethroughthesmoke,butIwasalready
certainofwhowasthere.
“Greer,youareafool.”Icouldfeeltheangerrisinginside,butIhadnotimetodeal
withhim.
Heattemptedtoswingthepoleacrossmyside,butIcaughtitinmid-airandyanked
thepoleoutofhishands.Itossedthepoleaside,anditclankedtotheground.
Hecoughedasthesmokegotthicker.“It’sallgone.It’sover.”Helaughed.
Icrashedmyfistagainsthisjawbeforehecouldevenreact.Ilandedhardagainst
theground.“Youdidthis?”
“Thefirewasn’tpartoftheoriginalplan,butIcan’tsayImindit,”Hechokedout.
“Wegotmostofthegirlsout.They’regettingsettledintotheirnewhome.”Myheart
justaboutstoppedbeating.“TheReinesaysthankyoubytheway.I’mlookingforward
tojoiningthem.”
IgrabbedGreerbyhiscollar.“TheReine?”GreerbroughtintheReine?Hewaseven
crazierthanIthought.
Helaughed.“They’llfindhertoo.”
Iflunghimacrosstheroomandagainstthewall.
Ikickedhimrepeatedlyoutofangeruntilhiswordsfinallysetin.Findhertoo.I
neededtogettheothergirls,butrightnowIhadtofindKayla.IkickedGreeronemore
timetobecertainhewouldn’tbegettingupanytimesoon.Iwasn’tworriedabout
killinghimbecausethefireandsmokewoulddothatforme.Iopenedthedrawer,
momentarilydejectedwhenInoticedthestashofweaponswasgone.Iunlockedthe
safenextandfoundthecashuntouched.IwasgoingtoneeditonceIfoundKayla.
Ihadnotimetoworryaboutthelackofweapons.Istuffedthecashinmypockets
andshirtbeforeIcrawledbackintothelobbyandfoundtheentrancetothehidden
staircase.Ipulledmyselfup,unlockedthedoor,andwrencheditopen.Ilockedit
behindmebeforehurryingdownthefirstflightofstairs.Therewaswatereverywhere,
andIwadedthroughitasImoveddeeperanddeeperunderground.Thedoorshad
donetheirjob,keepingoutthesmokeIwassurehadpenetratedtherestofthe
building.Ireachedthebottomandunlockedanotherdoor.Itriednottoworrythatthe
doorwaslocked.Shemightstillbethere.Jarrettwouldhavebroughtherhere.He
wouldhavedoneanythingtogetherout.
ThetunnelwassilentasIwalkedalonginthedarkness.Therewasnolight,andI
hopedthatJarretthadbroughtalightwithhim.
MyheartnearlybeatoutofmychestasIcontinued,hopingthatJarretthadmadeit
thisfar.Icouldn’tloseher.Irefusedtoloseher.
Icontinueddownthedarktunnel,strugglingtostaycalm.Irefusedtogiveuphope.
Iheardthesoundofheavybreathingandsloweddown.“Kayla?Jarrett?”Ididn’twant
torisktippingoffanyReinewhogotintothetunnel,butIhadtoknowifshewasthere.
“Mason,”Kayla’ssoftvoicecalledfromnearby.“Mason.”
Ihurriedovertothesoundofhervoiceandfoundherontheground.“Kayla.”I
pulledherintomyarms,needingtoholdher.Tofeelthatshealive.“Where’sJarrett?”
“Imadehimgobackforthegirls.Didhegettothemintime?”Shesoundedso
young,soinnocent.Iheldherclose.
“Notallofthem.”Icouldn’tlietoher.Ididn’twantto.
Shegasped.“Whathappened?Idon’tunderstand.Onesecondwewereworking,
andthenthereweresirensandJarrettwaspullingmetothestairs.”
“GreerbroughtintheReine,andtheclubisonfire.Wehavetokeepmovingfarther
away.Thebuildingisgoingtocollapse.”
“Addison…”Shewhisperedherfriend’sname.
“Jarrettmayhaveher.Wedon’tknowforsure.”
“Weneedtogetthemall.”
“Wewill.”ImadeanotherpromiseIwasgoingtostruggletokeep,butitwasoneI
madewhenI’dCordedeachofthegirls.I’dpromisedthemprotection,andI’dletthem
alldown.ButIwouldkeepmywordsomehow.
“Quinn?Bailey?Didyoufindoutanything?”Sheheldontome.
“Itmaybepossible,butit’sgoingtotaketime.”AndwiththefallofSraythingshad
gottenevenmorecomplicated.
Sheslidherhandintomine.“Let’sgetoutofhere.Wewon’tbeabletogetanyoneif
we’redead.”
Ipulledherevencloser.Isoakedupthefeelofherinmyarms.“We’regoingtosave
yoursisterandniece,butwe’reonourownnow.”
“Yourclub.”Shestilledinmyarms.“Youmustbesoangryatme.YouknowGreer
didthisbecauseofme.”
“Idon’tcareabouttheclub.Icareaboutthepeople—Ihopetheymadeitout,and
wewillsavethegirls.ButIamnotmad.Noneofthiswasyourfault.Youhavetostop
feelingguilty.Greerdidn’tdothisbecauseofyou.Hediditbecauseofme.Ifhe
couldn’truntheclubhimselfhedidn’twantittoexist.”
Sherestedherheadonmyshoulder.“Youthinkwecandothis?”
“Wedon’thaveachoice.”Istoodandhelpedhertoherfeet.
“Iloveyou.”Sheputherhandovermyheart.“Thankyou.”
“Whatareyouthankingmefor?”
“Comingformehere.I’mnotsureI’dhaveevermademywayout.”
Iclaspedherhandinmind.“Iwillalwayscomebackforyou,Kayla.Youhavemore
thanmyheart.Youhaveallofme.Butyoucouldhavemadeityourself.Youareso
strong.You’restrongerthanIam.”
“Let’sgo.”Sheturnedandtuggedonmyhand.“Wehavenotimetowaste.”
“Iwanttomakeonemorepromise.”
“Another?”Shekeptherhandfirmlytuckedinmine.
“Thatyou’llneverbealone.Youshouldn’thavebeenalonetoday.”
“Don’tblameJarrett.Hedidtherightthing.”
“Youmadehim,didn’tyou?”Itwasn’treallyaquestion.
“Yes.Justbecauseourworldhasgonecrazydoesn’tgiveusanexcusetostopcaring
aboutothersanddoingtherightthing.”
Istoppedandpulledherclose.Ididn’tthink,Iacted,crushingmylipsintohers.I
neededtotasteher.Ineededtoremindmyselfhappinessexisted.IhadKayla.We
wouldsurvive,andonedayI’dgivehereverythingshedeserved.Fornowallwecould
dowassurvive.
AFTERWORD
THECORDEDSAGA
willcontinuelaterin2017.Pleasekeepreadingforapreviewof
Dire(TheDireWolvesChronicles#1)byAlyssaRoseIvy.
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DIRE:THEDIREWOLVESCHRONICLES
ALYSSAROSEIVY
GagewasthefirstguyIeverwanted.Hewasmyfirstcrushandmyfirstfantasy,buthe
wasn'tmyfirstinanyotherwaybecauseheneversawmeasanythingmorethanafriend
—atleastnotuntilthenightthatchangedeverything.
ItwasallGage'sfault.Heinsistedwedrivethroughthestormandtaketheback
roads.Bythetimethestormhitfullforcewehadnochance.Onenightofsnowboundsex
changedourrelationshipforever.TheproblemwasatthesametimeIcaughtanother
guy’sattention.Thisotherguyhappenedtobethealphaofapackofshifterwolves.I
thoughtthewolvesweretheworstofmyproblems,butIwaswrong.Whenthingswent
frombadtoworseIhadtomakealifelongsacrificetosaveGage,butwhatpriceistoo
muchtosavetheoneyoulove?
PROLOGUE
ASINGLEHOWL
mademestopshort.“Thewolves!”
“Let’shopetheyarefartherawaythantheysound.”Gagetightenedhisholdonmy
handandpulledmeforward.
Threemorehowlsfilledthenight.“Theysoundcloser.”
Wepickedupthepace,andIchancedaglancebehindme.Thatwasamistake.
Severallargegreywolvescameintoview.“Run!”
Gagedidn’tneedtobetoldtwice.Hebrokeintoarunwithoutlettinggoofmyhand.
Iranasfastaspossibleoverthefrozensnow,butwedidn’tgetfarbeforethewolves
startedcirclingaroundus.“Ohmygod.”Couldthingsgetanyworse?
“Youhavetomakearunforit.”Gage’svoicequivered.“They’regoingtokillus.”
“I’mnotleavingyou.”Itriedtostaystrong,andIkeptmyeyeslockedonthe
wolves.Therewerefiveofthem.Allofthemweremassive,muchlargerthananywolf
I’dseenbefore,butoneofthemwasevenbiggerandhadalargesilverstreakrunning
downitsback.Thatwolfseemedtobestaringrightatme.
“I’lldistractthem.Yourun.I’llcatchup.”
Ispottedanopeningnexttooneofthesmallerofthewolvesandwentforit.Ididn’t
makeitfarbeforeoneofthewolvessteppedinfrontofme.Ifroze,paralyzedwithfear,
beforemylegswereknockedfromunderme.Suddenly,Iwaslyinginthesnowwitha
giantwolfhoveringoverme.
“We’refucked.”GagevoicedexactlywhatIwasthinking.
Thesilverstreakedwolfstareddownatme.It’salmostglowingeyesboredinto
mine.WasIreallygoingtodieashalf-frozenfoodforagiantwildanimal?
Thenthingsgothazyandtheairseemedtobuzz.Momentslateritwasn’tawolfon
topofme—itwasaman.Acompletelynakedmanwithafaintscaracrosshisface.
“Whattheheck?”Itriedtoscurryback,butHunterdidn’tmove.Hisveryexposed
partsnearlytouchedme.Ididn’twanttonoticehissize,butIdid.Hewashuge.Healso
didn’tlookremotelyconcernedwiththecold.
Hislipsbrushedagainstmyear.“Wereyougoingsomewhere?”
MARYANNE
Heworeblackathleticshortsthatsatlowonhishipsandgavemeafantasticviewofhis
perfectlysculptedabs.Ihadastrongdesiretotouchthoseabswithmyhandsandquite
possiblymytongue.Hisbarechestwasequallyasalluring,allmusclewithjustalittlebit
ofsweatslidingdown.
“Thanksforwaitingupforme.”Hewalkedintohisroomandclosedthedoor.“Iwas
worriedyou’dhavefallenasleepalready.”Heslippedoffthoseblackshortsandwalked
towardhisbedthatamazinglyenoughIwasalreadytuckedinto.Hepulledbackthe
blanket.“Andyou’rewearingthelingerieIlikebest.”Hegrinnedwickedlyasheslippedin
besideme.
“Isn’tthebestparttakingitoffme?”Ibitmylip,knowingthatitwouldonlyturnhim
onmore.
“Youremembered.”Heslippedthestrapdownoffmyrightshoulder.
“Iremembereverythingaboutyou.Ialwayshave.”
“How’dIgetsolucky?”Heslippedofftheotherstrapashelefttinykissesfrommy
shoulderuptowardmyneck.
“Youknowyou’retheonlyoneI’veeverwanted.”
“Iknow.”Hepushedmytopdownandoutoftheway.“Ifeelexactlythesameway.”
Hismouthclosedaroundmybreast.
“MaryAnne!”
Myeyesflewopenassomeonepoundedonthedoortomydormroom.Iblinkeda
fewtimes,tryingtoholdontotheremnantsofmydream.
“MaryAnne!”Thevoiceyelledlouder.
Igrudginglydraggedmyselfacrosstheroomandopenedthedoor.Iwasn’t
surprisedtoseeGenevievestandingthere.
“Finally!”Shepushedintotheroom.Iclosedthedoorandcutheroffbeforeshe
couldsitonmybed.Ineededtomakeitfirst.Ipulledbackmyjerseyknitlimegreen
sheetsandnavybluecomforter.AssoonasIsmoothedoutthecomforter,shetooka
seat.
Isatinmydeskchairandwatchedher.“Aslovelyasitistoseeyou,I’mguessing
there’sareasonyou’rehere?”
“Aren’tyoualittlegrouchythismorning?”Suddenlyherglossylipstwistedupintoa
smile.“Wait….youweredreamingabouthimagain.”
“Whydoyouhavetosayitlikeit’sabadthing?Mostwomenhavesomesortof
sexualdreams.Itisn’tatallabnormal.”Iranmyfingersthroughmylongredhairto
getoutthetangles.
“MaryAnne,I’monlysayingthisbecauseI’mafriendandIcareaboutyou,but
you’reobsessed.”Shecrossedherlegs.“Mostwomenmayhavesexdreams,but
they’reaboutcelebrities,notaguytheyactuallyknow.Plus,thefrequencyisthecrazy
part.”
“There’snothingwrongwithdreamingaboutGage.”
“Thereis.Ifyouwanthimsobad,justgetwithhim.It’snotlikehe’dsayno.He’s
gottenwithhalfthegirlsonthiscampusalready.”
Igroaned.“That’snotentirelytrue.Iadmithehasareputation,buthedoesn’t
actuallysleepwitheveryone.Plus,Ican’tjustsleepwithhim.Wehaveahistory.We’re
fromthesametown.”Maybeclaimingwehadahistorywasabitofanoverstatement,
butIhadknownhimpracticallymyentirelife.
“Ishestilldrivingyouhomeforbreak?”Sheleanedbackonherhands.
“Ofcourse.Whywouldthatchange?”
“IthoughtyoumighthaveconsideredtakingRoyuponhisoffertodropyouoffon
hiswayhome.”Sheraisedaneyebrow.
“GageandIaregoingtothesameplace.Itmakessensetohavehimdriveme.Plus,
myparentsknowhim.”
“MaryAnne.”Genevievewasinthehabitofsayingmynamefarmoreoftenthan
necessary.ShewasthebestfriendIhadatEasternU,soIdidn’tremindherofhow
annoyingthepracticewas.“Youknowwhatyou’redoing,right?”
“ArewestilldiscussingmyplanstogetaridehomewithGage?”
“Morespecificallywe’rediscussingyourdecisiontosaynotoRoy’soffer.You’re
chicken.You’reafraidofacceptinganoverturefromaguywhoyouactuallyhavea
chancewith.Aguywhoisreallyinterestedinyou.”
“IwonderwhyyouwantmetogiveRoyanothershot?”Ibitbackthesmilethatwas
readytocomeout.“Thiswouldhavenothingtodowithhisbestfriend,wouldit?”I’d
goneoutononedatewithRoy,andalthoughtherewasnothingparticularlywrong
withit,Ihadnointentionofseeinghimagain.
“What?”Sheputahandonherchest.“Ofcoursenot.”
“Oh?Itwouldn’tbeconvenientforyouifIweredatingRoy?”
“Sure,itwouldbeconvenienttohaveanexcusetospendtimewithTony,butthat’s
notwhyIwantyoutogiveRoyanotherchance.He’saniceguy.”
“Heisnice.He’salsointelligentandcute,butthatdoesn’tmeanIwanttospendfour
hoursinacarwithhim.”
“NotwhenyoucanspendthesameamountoftimeinacarwithGage.”
“Gagedrivesatruck.”
Genevievesighed.“Samething.Mypointisthatyouhavenoexcusetobesitting
aroundpiningoveraguywhenyouhavereal,goodoptionsknockingdownyour
door.”
Ididn’ttakethebait.Iwastoostressedouttogetintoafightaboutmylovelife.“I’m
takingashower.”Iwalkedovertomyclosetandpulleddownmyfavoritepairofworn
injeans.Itookapurplethermalshirtfrommydresser.DecemberinBostonwascold.
“I’msureit’sgoingtobeacoldshower.”Genevievemadenomovetoleavemy
room.
“Ihadn’tevengottentothegoodpartinmydream,soahotshowerwillbeperfectly
fine.”
“I’llwaithere.”Shelaybackonmybed.“Wecanwalkovertotheexamtogether.”
Ihesitatedwithmyhandonthedoorknob.“Thatsoundsgreat,butpleasenomore
overanalyzingmychoiceofmen.Ineedtokeepmymindfocusedonthetest.”
“You’regoingtoaceit.Youknowthisstuffinsideandout.”
“Let’shope.Irefusetobecomethefirstmemberofmyfamilynottogetthe
YoungstonFellowship,andIneedtoacecalculustogetit.”
“You’llaceit,butsowhatifyoudon’tgetthefellowship?You’llstillgetintograd
school,andyou’llbeabletodoexactlywhatyouwantanyway.”
“Youdon’tknowmyparents.”
Shesatup.“I’vemetthem.”
“Meetingthemisdifferentthanknowingthem.”
“Yeah,butyousaidtheywouldn’tmindyougettingaridehomewithGage.That
makesmequestiontheirsanity.”Shelaughed.“Ok,takethatshower.Wedon’thave
muchtime.”
“Iwonderwhynot.”
“Don’tstart.Youralarmwouldjustbegoingoff.”
Asiftoproveherpoint,thedingingofmyalarmstarted.Genevieveturneditoff,
andIheadeddownthehalltothebathroom.FourhoursinthecarwithGage.Icould
hardlywait.
!
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Document Outline
- Copyright
- Books by Alyssa Rose Ivy
- Dedication
- Chapter 1
- Chapter 2
- Chapter 3
- Chapter 4
- Chapter 5
- Chapter 6
- Chapter 7
- Chapter 8
- Chapter 9
- Chapter 10
- Chapter 11
- Chapter 12
- Chapter 13
- Chapter 14
- Chapter 15
- Chapter 16
- Chapter 17
- Chapter 18
- Chapter 19
- Chapter 20
- Chapter 21
- Chapter 22
- Chapter 23
- Chapter 24
- Afterword
- DIRE: The Dire Wolves Chronicles
- Prologue
- Mary Anne
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