Men of Holsum College 7
Genius and the Jock
First and goal. Three years ago, football star Griff Parker shared a
locker room sexual encounter with brainy scholarship kid Raj
Mehir. That stolen blow job turned Griff’s worldview upside down,
unlocking desires he wasn’t ready to face.
Now a senior, Griff’s working in Holsum College’s biology lab,
where he’s in direct contact with his freshman crush. Raj wants
nothing to do with him or the memory of that afternoon. Too bad.
Griff's falling hard for Raj, battling his way past every one of his
sexy scientist's defenses.
Raj Mehir knows he’s gay. But he's locked that knowledge tightly
inside and has no desire to change that. But he does have desire
for Griff. In a big way. Now he's experimenting with Griff and
inching closer to the closet door.
Double overtime. Two deeply closeted guys. Two hearts on the
line. One term to change everything.
Genre: Alternative (M/M or F/F), Contemporary
Length: 37,602 words
GENIUS AND THE JOCK
Men of Holsum College 7
Daisy Harris
EROTIC ROMANCE
MANLOVE
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A SIREN PUBLISHING BOOK
IMPRINT: Erotic Romance ManLove
GENIUS AND THE JOCK
Copyright © 2012 by Daisy Harris
E-book ISBN: 978-1-62241-601-1
First E-book Publication: October 2012
Cover design by Harris Channing
All cover art and logo copyright © 2012 by Siren Publishing, Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED: This literary work may not be
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to actual persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.
PUBLISHER
Siren Publishing, Inc.
www.SirenPublishing.com
Letter to Readers
Dear Readers,
If you have purchased this copy of Genius and the Jock by Daisy
Harris from BookStrand.com or its official distributors, thank you.
Also, thank you for not sharing your copy of this book.
Regarding E-book Piracy
This book is copyrighted intellectual property. No other individual or
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Amanda Hilton, Publisher
DEDICATION
To Annabeth—thanks for all the cheerleading and Skypes. You
are my rock, lady!
GENIUS AND THE JOCK
Men of Holsum College 7
DAISY HARRIS
Copyright © 2012
Prologue
Three years ago…
Raj’s head thunked against the locker, but he couldn’t gasp
because the wind was knocked out of him. He fought the dampness in
his eyes, sniffling like he could suck his pride back through his
sinuses. “What do you want, Griff?”
He knew it had been a mistake to clear towels from the locker
room when Griff Parker was showering, especially since the rest of
the team had already left. Raj never could seem to keep his eyes off
the football player when he was naked.
Griff leaned in closer, so that his square face and hard brown eyes
were only an inch away. He grabbed Raj by the front of his shirt, his
fist pressing into Raj’s sternum. His muscles gleamed under a mist of
dampness. “I want to know why you act like such a pansy all the
time.”
His body was too close. Raj was getting a fucking hard-on. He
was always a little turned on in the locker room, with its smell of
sweat and deodorant and humid air. But this was way worse. He felt
like his entire body was lit up like a sparkler.
Genius and the Jock
9
Dragging in as much breath as he could manage, Raj said, “Why
do you act like such a douchebag?” Raj wasn’t gay—at least, not so
anyone knew.
“Pussy,” Griff spat, close enough that a droplet landed on Raj’s
cheek. He pressed against him, his towel dampening Raj’s track pants.
This was new. He’d never gotten this close before. Through the
layers of cotton between them, Raj could feel an unmistakable
firmness poking his hip. Griff’s dick was hard. Good God, even if
Griff punched him it would be worth it, because Raj would jack off
over this moment for years.
“Maybe you’re the one who’s gay, idiot.” Raj kept his eyes
trained on the floor, the way he had every time some thug fifty
pounds heavier than him had decided to push him into a locker or
shove him into a wall. That had happened a lot in high school. Less so
in college—at least it happened less except when Griff was around.
“Dick,” Griff said. “I can feel your hard-on. So that means you’re
a queer.”
“You’ve got a stiffy, too, moron.” Griff was easily the dumbest
person Raj had met at Holsum College. Of course, at an Ivy League
school, stupid was a relative term. But still…Griff was a linebacker
on the football team and had clearly taken a few too many hits.
But what he lacked in brainpower, he more than made up for in
bulk. Griff was only a freshman—same as Raj—but the guy was built
like a brick wall. Maybe an inch shorter than Raj, but at least twice as
wide. His teammates had already given him the nickname Tank.
“That don’t mean nothing. I’ve always got one.” Griff underlined
his point by shoving the thing in Raj’s belly. Raj could feel Griff’s
thighs, thick and muscular, weaving with his own.
He hadn’t known he could get any harder. His dick hurt, it was so
erect.
“Are you going to let go of me?” Raj tried to sound as if it didn’t
matter to him one way or another if the beefy football player ever let
go of his shirt and let him get back to his job. “Or are you going to
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prove your heterosexuality some more by rubbing your dick into
my—”
Griff crushed their mouths together.
The locker room was empty, and Raj only heard the hum of the
exhaust system and the steady drip, drip, drip of the broken shower.
He was so surprised to have a man’s face mashed against his that he
could barely register that this was his first kiss.
He looked past Griff’s eyelashes at the gray row of lockers.
Griff’s stubble scraped his lip, and he tasted…well, Raj guessed he
tasted like skin and saliva. But it was better than that. Griff tasted like
a man. Smelled like one, too. And Raj’s worst fears were realized in
that moment, because as much as he hated Griff Parker’s guts, he
wanted to kiss him for hours.
Raj tilted his head to kiss Griff back, but Griff pulled away before
he could work his lips.
“What in the hell?” Raj blinked.
Griff paced in front of him. Walking three steps one direction,
then three steps back in the other. He looked like a madman, shaking
his head, talking to himself. Raj didn’t move lest he provoke the guy.
The messed-up thing was, Raj couldn’t tell if he was more scared
or turned on. He guessed he was both.
“You should suck me off,” Griff said to the floor more than to
Raj. He seemed confused, but Raj couldn’t stop watching him with
fascination. Griff was like a science experiment. A volatile
compound, and Raj didn’t know how he would react.
But no matter how horny Raj was feeling at that moment, there
was no way he was going down on the guy.
“Fuck you.” He looked at Griff head-on. Staring him down was
easy, since Griff couldn’t seem to meet his eyes. “You should suck
me off.”
“Um…” Griff’s forehead creased as if he was thinking about it.
“That’s not how this is supposed to work.”
Genius and the Jock
11
Raj felt like he’d fallen into some rift in the space-time
continuum. Was Griff really considering blowing him? Raj worried
the guy would punch him in the nuts as soon as Raj got out his dick.
“I guess…” Griff frowned. Then he shrugged. “Fine.”
Griff squatted in front of Raj’s groin and tugged down his track
pants. It was a testament to how turned on was beating out scared that
Raj was hard as a rock.
“Um, okay.” He probably should have kept his mouth shut, but
Raj felt the need to give consent.
“Good.” Griff opened his mouth and swallowed Raj down. He
scraped the shaft with his teeth and gagged himself once before he
found a tempo, but when he did…
Oh, God…When he was bobbing up and down, Raj was happy he
liked men. He couldn’t imagine anything he wanted more than sweat
and chest hair and cocks and balls. For once, he didn’t want to be
something other than what he was. And that’s why he decided to stop
being freaked out and just go along for the ride.
* * * *
There was an actual dick in his mouth. Griffin tried to swallow
around it. He wanted to pull off long enough to really taste it. He was
blowing Raj fucking Mehir, and all he could do was suck faster and
harder because any second Raj could freak out and shove him off.
Raj Mehir…Even his name was sexy. He was tall for an Indian
guy, and Griffin couldn’t believe the size of the dick in his mouth. It
felt like he could barely get his lips around the thing. Not that he had
much to compare it to, but Raj seemed really hung.
Griffin felt like he’d won the lottery.
He’d thought about doing this for weeks, ever since the first day
of practice when he’d seen Raj check him out in the shower. But the
reality was a whole different level of awesome. Raj smelled spicy and
rich, and his dick had these amazing, juicy veins running up it. If Raj
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ever let Griffin do this again, he was going to trace them with his
tongue. Take his time and do it right.
His own dick was so hard it ached, and for a split second he
thought about pulling it out and jerking it like he’d seen guys do
sometimes in pornos. But he didn’t want Raj to see.
Raj already didn’t like him much. Not the way Griffin liked Raj.
He didn’t want to give Raj another reason to think he wasn’t good
enough.
In the showers, Griffin didn’t worry about his size. For all the
other guys knew, he could have been a grower. Plus, there was an
unwritten rule that you weren’t supposed to look at the other guys
below the waist.
But if he pulled out his dick now, when it couldn’t possibly get
any harder, then Raj would see that he wasn’t built like a guy from a
porno. Griff wasn’t small or anything, but given how big he was
everywhere else…well, he didn’t want Raj to be disappointed.
Raj’s legs shook, and he breathed louder. His dick got harder, like
it was vibrating on Griffin’s tongue. And then, like Griffin was in the
middle of a porno himself, Raj started rocking, thrusting into Griffin’s
mouth.
Griffin tried to relax his throat and not gag. Raj’s cockhead
plunged in all the way, so Griffin’s nose got buried in crinkly pubic
hair.
One big whiff of that musky, spicy smell and Griffin lost it. His
dick pulsed in his towel, and he moaned around his mouthful. He
couldn’t believe how amazing it felt to be coming with a cock down
his throat.
Raj filled his lips and throat with cum. In Griffin’s imaginings,
he’d always swallowed it down without any hassle, but the reality
wasn’t as easy.
He coughed, gag reflex kicking in. Griffin tried to snort as he
pulled off and managed to suck some of it up his nose.
Fuck. He probably looked like an idiot.
Genius and the Jock
13
“I should go.” Raj pulled up his pants. His movements were fitful
and nervous.
Griffin wiped his arm across his mouth and stared at the floor.
“Yeah.” He should have known this was what was going to happen.
Raj would be freaked out as shit and run away. Probably not even
look at him in the shower anymore. “Don’t you say anything about
this to anyone, you hear me?”
He rose from his crouch, legs burning from pins and needles.
Raj’s eyes were wide and scared, but he nodded. “Of course not.”
His expression reminded Griffin of that first day, when he’d spotted
Raj from the showers.
Griffin still remembered the first time he’d seen Raj, looking slim
and exotic with his brown skin and near-black eyes. He’d rushed to a
stall to beat off before any of the other guys could see he was getting
a woody. The next time he’d seen Raj, he’d given the guy shit. And
every day after that, too.
But what the fuck did Raj think he was doing all the time,
checking out guys in the shower? He was going to get the shit kicked
out of him.
Yeah, Griff would try to protect the guy, but he wasn’t always
around. A lot of guys on the team would react fucking badly if they
ever caught Raj staring at their junk.
And there was the simple fact that if the guys noticed Raj looking
their way, they might notice Griffin doing the same exact thing.
Griffin hated how badly that thought scared him. The guys probably
wouldn’t get physical with him about it, not like they would with Raj,
but they would make his life a living hell, trying to get him to quit the
team.
Griffin couldn’t do that. Shit, he couldn’t quit even if he wanted
to. He didn’t have the money or the grades to stay at Holsum without
football. That wasn’t even counting how his dad would whoop his ass
if he even mentioned leaving the team.
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“Cool, then.” He didn’t know what else to say, but he knew Raj
was waiting for a signal that it was okay for him to leave. Griffin
didn’t want him to go, but he still turned away and said, “Bye.”
Raj must have quit his job right after that, because Griffin never
saw him in the locker rooms again.
Genius and the Jock
15
Chapter One
Present day…
Griffin stared at the front of the imposing Holsum Center for
Biological Research and hitched his backpack higher on his shoulder.
The strap dug into his shoulder, weighed down with nearly every
textbook he owned.
The chill Vermont air nipped at his skin, smelling of decayed
leaves and impending snow. It was the scent of things ending, going
into hibernation for winter or dying altogether. But for Griffin, the
smell signaled something else. It meant the football season was
almost over. And since he was a senior, it would be his last football
season for the rest of his life. Good riddance.
The research building was a nondescript industrial design outside,
and when he pulled open the heavy doors, he found that the inside
was no more attractive. A pale-blue stripe ran through the middle of
the hallways’ beige walls. The corridors led off each other without
any kind of central area.
He followed the directions given to him by the work-study office,
and after a few minutes, Griffin found the security desk.
The brown, wooden desk made up an L shape in front of a door
that looked like it led to an office. There weren’t any windows
around, but Griffin guessed that didn’t matter, since he’d be working
eight p.m. to midnight. Still, the overhead halogens flickered
ominously, and the chemical tang of disinfectants and other, stronger,
lab products made the place feel like the inside of a hamster cage.
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“Hello.” The night guard looked away from his screen. He
watched television on one of the computers while another computer
showed six different security feeds.
“Hi. I’m the new building monitor. Susan sent me over from the
work-study office.” Griffin handed the security guard his paperwork
and watched while the guy looked over the forms.
“Sure. Great. I’m Andy.” The guy pushed to his feet, looking
unsteady. He seemed really tired, either that or high. But since he had
gray hair and tons of wrinkles, Griffin figured it was the former. “Let
me show you where to punch in your time card.”
Andy walked him through his job, explaining the ins and outs of
keeping inventory for paper towels and garbage bags. He reminded
Griffin of the procedure for submitting new orders and told him the
days that recycling and garbage got collected. He also explained what
to do in the incredibly unlikely event of a break-in and in the much
more likely event of a power outage. Apparently the volume of
computers, refrigerators, incubators, and other equipment in the labs
tended to trip the circuits.
A magnet hung on the mini fridge in the staff room with the phone
number of the electrician.
They were leaving the office when a figure walked toward them,
an Indian guy with come-hither eyes and thick black hair, a guy Griff
hadn’t seen around much since freshman year.
Raj Mehir. He was even taller than he had been freshman year,
maybe almost six feet, and had filled in a bit through the shoulders.
His cheekbones were even more pronounced. When he saw Griffin,
he frowned.
Griffin raised his hand hopefully and gave Raj a smile. Raj
couldn’t still be mad at him, at least Griffin hoped not. Their thing in
the locker room had been a long time ago.
Raj’s jaw slid forward in a scowl. He marched up to the security
desk and signed himself into the building. Without meeting Griffin’s
Genius and the Jock
17
eyes, he spun around and disappeared down one of the building’s
hallways.
“I’m going to head out for my sweep and then my break,” Andy
said. He tucked his phone into a pouch hanging from his belt. Then,
looking far too exhausted to manage his rounds of the building, Andy
trudged down the hall. He waved over his shoulder. “You should do a
walk-through. Figure out the lay of the building, locations of all the
bathrooms…”
“Sure thing.” Griffin knew the drill, having worked as a building
monitor for every one of his semesters of work-study. His football
scholarship covered the cost of classes, but work-study paid for the
portion of his living expenses his parents in Buffalo couldn’t handle.
Griffin laid out his books, but much as he wanted to study, he
couldn’t seem to keep his eyes away from the sign showing what labs
belonged to which professor.
Underneath each was an index card with the names of said
professor’s teaching assistants and research assistants. Griffin stood
up from the desk, scanning through the list. There was Raj, listed
under Professor Jackson. He was in room 247. The room was upstairs
a level and set in the northwest corner of the building.
Well, Griffin had to do a sweep of the building anyway…He
figured he might as well start heading that direction then explore the
rest of the second floor. He trudged up the stairs, thinking to himself
how he was absolutely not stalking.
But when he reached Professor Jackson’s lab, the door was
cracked open. Casually. Griffin eased it farther ajar.
Griffin didn’t know what he’d say if he saw Raj. “Hi” seemed just
dumb and “sorry about the blow job three years ago” even dumber.
He wanted to apologize to Raj about cornering him in the locker room
all that time ago. If he really thought about it, Griff wanted to
apologize for a lot of things. He’d been an asshole back when he first
came to college, and Raj had borne the worst of it. But Griffin
couldn’t just come out with it to a guy he hadn’t spoken to in ages.
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The door creaked on its hinges, and Griffin tensed. “Hello?”
Griffin asked. He opened the door the rest of the way.
Raj was standing with his back to the door. He wore a lab coat
over his jeans and had goggles over his eyes. “What do you want,
Griff?”
“You remember me?” Griffin asked.
“Of course I do, dumbass,” Raj shook his head, the scorn in his
voice obvious even though he didn’t turn around. “Do you need
something?”
Griffin didn’t know what he needed. Shit. He wanted Raj to turn
around and look at him, see him for real. He wanted to go back and
relive those stolen moments in the locker room, but differently. As the
guy he was now, not the confused freshman he’d been then. He
wanted Raj to see him as a man finishing up a degree in political
science and applying to MBA programs, not as a kid just getting to
school.
Why do you always have to act like such a pansy? Crap, he
couldn’t believe he’d ever said that. Sure his football buddies said shit
like that all the time, but Griffin had stopped right after that fateful
blow job. He’d realized something about himself that day. That he
wasn’t like his football friends and didn’t want to be.
“I go by Griffin now,” he said. It wasn’t true, strictly speaking.
His dorm mates and all his friends from the team mostly called him
Tank, probably wouldn’t ever stop, either. But Griffin had stopped
correcting professors when they called him by his full name. That was
something.
“Should I be impressed?” Raj asked. His tone was cold and mean.
Griffin didn’t remember him being mean.
“No,” he said honestly. “Just letting you know.” Letting you know
I’ve changed. Look at me. Turn around and look at me. Watch me
move like you used to.
“So, you’re the building monitor now?” Raj asked. “Nights?”
Genius and the Jock
19
“Yeah. But I won’t bother you if you want to be left alone,”
Griffin rushed to say. “Don’t feel like you have to avoid the place on
my account.”
“I couldn’t even if I wanted to.” Raj stared down at his work.
There were petri dishes lined up on the counter, and he squeezed
something into them with a giant syringe. He let out a rueful,
miserable-sounding laugh. “I’m on a double schedule for the next
three weeks.”
“Oh. Okay.” Griffin sighed. There was a weight in his chest, a
pain that felt like guilt, but sharper. “But if you need anything, like a
walk to your car at night or something, just let me know. I’ll be at the
security desk.”
“Yeah, I figured.” Raj walked over to a refrigerator and keyed in a
pass code, thoroughly ignoring Griffin standing at the door.
“Well, bye.” Griffin backed into the hallway. He thought about
going in again. Trying to explain himself, or maybe saying a part of
the stuff he’d been thinking in the past three years. But his phone
beeped with a message from Andy, asking if he could check on the
toilet paper supplies in the basement-level bathrooms.
So Griffin frowned at the door for a split second, then he jogged
down the stairs to get to his job.
* * * *
“Did you see the guy they brought in as the new building
monitor?” Cal asked as he and Raj were walking out to Cal’s car later
that night.
“Griff Parker?” There was only one new building monitor, as far
as Raj knew. They’d been looking for a student to step up to the task
of the night shift for a month. Of course, the work-study office had to
find a goon like Griff instead of a regular person.
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Or “Griffin,” whatever was going on with that. Was Griff trying to
tell Raj he was openly gay now? Raj was pretty sure Griff was not, in
fact, openly gay.
Raj had been hanging out near the LGBT-friendly tables at the
cafeteria ever since Cal had started dating Tyler. He’d never seen
Griff anywhere remotely close.
“Is that his name?” Cal nodded appreciatively. “He looks like a
football player.”
“He is a football player.” Raj went around to the passenger side of
the car and slid inside. “An asshole football player.”
He wanted to say Griff was a closet-case homophobe but kept that
thought to himself. Partly because it would be a little close to home.
Ever since Cal had come out, Raj had been feeling more and more
uncomfortable keeping his same-sex attraction a secret. On the one
hand, he didn’t have to be out just because his friend was. But on the
other hand—well, it felt dishonest to be keeping secrets now that Cal
was being honest.
“Ah, well. Aren’t they all?” The corner of Cal’s lip curled up into
a half smile.
Good lord, Raj still remembered how that smile used to turn his
insides to jelly, back when Raj thought he and Calvin would
eventually drift into one another’s arms. Back when Cal was playing
it as straight as Raj was.
“Have you ever thought about going by ‘Calvin’?” Raj asked
abruptly.
“Um, not really.” Cal twisted his key to start the car. The engine
coughed to life. “Why?”
Raj rolled down his window to avoid getting asphyxiated by the
fumes. He really needed to get his own car one of these days.
“No reason.” He looked out the window at the campus at night. It
was a Tuesday, so the grounds were mostly empty.
“You want to come over for a while?” Cal asked.
Genius and the Jock
21
“No, thanks.” Raj had a pile of work to do for several of his
classes. With the family wedding he had to go to at the end of the
month, he was swamped trying to get ahead in work and school.
That, and he didn’t particularly want to watch Tyler and Cal
crawling all over each other.
Suddenly, something occurred to him. “You really think Griff is
hot?” It was hard to imagine, since Cal’s boyfriend Tyler was a
slender, graceful guy. Well, he was skinny other than his ass and
thighs. As a ballet dancer, Tyler had a bit of a bubble butt, not that
Raj was looking.
“Sure, he’s hot, in a supersized kind of way. Not my thing, but
definitely worth a second look.”
Raj wasn’t sure what Cal was insinuating. He wondered if Cal had
somehow noticed Raj taking a first look.
And he hadn’t looked at Griffin…not really. For one, Griff had
the type of face a guy might not notice if it weren’t attached to such
an amazing body. His forehead was low and his jaw wide. His hair
stuck straight up like David Boreanaz’s. But while his features were
plain when he was acting like a bully, he had a completely guileless
smile.
“I wouldn’t know.” Raj still remembered how infatuated he’d
been with the dumb jock during that masochistic phase he went
through freshman year.
Cal pulled up in front of the house where Raj rented an apartment
from an older couple. His place was pretty far off campus, especially
considering Raj didn’t have a car. But he got to live by himself, and
the rent was cheap since he took care of the Petersens’ yard.
The lights were off inside the house, but one shone from Raj’s
small porch on the second floor.
“See ya tomorrow.” Raj opened the door and got out of the car.
He grabbed his backpack out of the rear seat and slammed the door
repeatedly, struggling to get it to stay closed. “You do know your
back door is about to fall off, right?”
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Cal’s car was held together with duct tape and determination.
“Yeah, I know. Try to get your stuff out of the back without opening
it next time, will ya?”
“Sure thing.” Raj waved good-bye. He started up the front
walkway and around to the stairs leading up to his entrance on the
second story.
His apartment was a small one-bedroom, with a sink, mini fridge,
and hot plate instead of a real kitchen. The kitchen and living room
were all one space, but he had a separate room for his bed and desk.
Raj tossed his bag on the couch and went to load up water for
coffee. When he opened the foil bag, the smell filled his nostrils,
making him feel more awake already. Sometimes Raj thought he
should just start up a coffee drip in his arm and walk around with the
IV like a patient in a hospital.
He dropped a filter in the top of the coffeemaker and then poured
the water into the machine. Setting it to brew, he started unpacking
his books. Raj bought as many electronic versions of his textbooks as
possible, but he still needed the five-pound texts for Neurohistology
and Research Approaches. It didn’t help his back any that he also
carried his laptop everywhere he went. It was only a netbook, so it
didn’t weigh much, but Raj knew it added to the strain he was
constantly feeling in his neck.
Sitting on the couch, he opened his computer. Raj had a million
things to do, but while the coffee was still brewing, he figured he
could take a quick porn break.
Raj clicked through screens, finding from memory his favorite
place, the one most likely to have rough and raunchy shower and
locker room scenes.
But as the site loaded and images filled his screen, Raj’s hands
stilled, floating over his keyboard. He thought back to that time in the
locker room with Griff, an experience that was at once terrifying and
incredibly hot. It pissed him off to no end that he still thought about it
Genius and the Jock
23
sometimes when he jerked off. After all, Griff had been an asshole to
corner him like that.
Raj had quit his job the very next day, knowing that if he kept
working in the locker room, he’d end up screwing Griff sooner or
later.
He settled on a video labeled “Hot Prison Shower” under the
subsection “Pound My Hole.” It started out in a typical fashion, with a
couple of guys washing next to one another in a large, industrial-
looking shower. Soon, the larger guy was pushing the smaller guy
into the wall, grabbing his ass and his dick.
And as always, Raj felt an awkward mix of excitement and
annoyance.
Why was it always the smaller, thinner guy who got done? Why
was it always some enormous hunk of a man doing the fucking? He
hated the assumption that small guys like him would always bottom,
and yet he couldn’t stop watching the beefy top’s fingers pressing into
the smaller guy’s ass.
He leaned back on the couch, getting comfortable. The soft give
of the couch and the feel of the nubby fabric through his T-shirt were
almost enough to put Raj to sleep.
He should have sat up again to watch, so he could be sure not to
pass out, but it was so comfortable to be lying back. And on screen,
the men were shirtless and scrubbing fingernails across each other’s
chests. They kissed roughly.
Raj thought about undoing his pants and having a rub. He
shouldn’t, he knew. Doing that would make him even more tired. And
although he didn’t have any projects due the next day, Raj needed to
get ahead, since he was going to be missing an entire week of school
for his sister’s wedding.
The smaller guy on screen twisted around and stuck his ass out at
the larger one.
Without even meaning to, Raj palmed the front of his jeans. He
would have thought he was too tired to get properly horny. But it was
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Daisy Harris
just so relaxing to be lying flat, watching the beefy guy with the
cropped haircut fucking the living daylights out of his partner.
He opened his pants and fed his hand under his waistband to grasp
his erection. Raj yawned, starting to pump in long strokes. His eyelids
were starting to droop, but he forced them open, waiting for the cum
shot. There was something really satisfying about watching a guy get
the cum fucked right out of him. It was even better if he was listening
with the sound on, but he didn’t have the energy to dig his earbuds out
of his backpack, and he was always worried that the Petersens
downstairs would hear him watching porn.
The bigger guy was getting the smaller guy onto his knees, and
Raj chanced a bit of volume. He unclicked the mute button but then
rushed to lower it to one bar. The sound of the men grunting was low
but unmistakable. And it got Raj hot enough that he started rubbing
off in earnest. The top was saying something to the bottom,
occasionally smacking his ass, but Raj couldn’t make out the words.
He closed his eyes and jerked.
* * * *
Raj didn’t remember his orgasm. He must have fallen asleep,
because when he twisted around to check the clock on his microwave,
it was 5:30 a.m. Fuck. Shit. Damn. Now he’d only have two hours to
study before he had to swing by the labs.
With a frustrated sigh, he shoved off the couch and lumbered to
the bathroom, where hopefully he’d be able to unglue his underwear
from his dick.
* * * *
Eighteen and a half hours later, Raj bent forward another few
inches, peering at the screen. His eyes blurred from exhaustion. He’d
hoped to get in and out of the lab before Griff came in for his shift,
Genius and the Jock
25
but his whole day had gotten pushed back because of one stupid jerk-
off session.
“Hey. I’m leaving for the night. You should probably take off,
too.”
Raj recognized Griff’s voice even before he turned around to see
him standing at the door.
“You said you were going to leave me alone, Griff.”
Griff frowned, like a confused The Incredible Hulk. “I told you to
call me Griffin.”
“Whatever.” Raj rubbed his eyes and tried to remember what the
next step was in the analysis he was running for one of his coworkers.
“I’m not done.”
“I can wait.” Griff walked in, looking nervously at the shelves as
if knowledge were going to leap at him unexpectedly. “Andy’s
heading home for the night, and it’s not really safe to be in the
building this late when he’s off duty.” He looked at a tall stool,
considering whether to sit down, but must have thought better of it,
because he just patted the seat.
Raj wondered whom Griff was talking about but then remembered
that Andy was the name of the wizened old security guard. “I have to
walk home anyway, so I don’t see how I’ll be any safer outside than
in here.”
He’d missed his ride with Cal earlier, and although Raj didn’t
usually mind walking, he had to admit it felt a little risky since it was
after midnight. Normally, he would have ridden his bike, but it had
gotten stolen over the summer.
The lab was in a pretty sketchy part of town.
“Fuck that. I’ll drive you home.” Griff seemed to have changed
his mind about the stool, because he hitched up his hip and sat. It
looked pretty funny, how he dwarfed the seat. Each of his thighs were
as thick as Raj’s waist, and with his feet up on the lower rungs of the
stool, he looked like a gorilla on a unicycle. “So what’s your research
about?”
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Daisy Harris
Raj couldn’t have been more surprised if Griff grew a second
head. The question threw him off balance, made him forget what
they’d been arguing about. “The yeast pheromone system.”
Griff scrunched up his face in thought. “Yeast have sex?”
“For God’s sake.” Raj pressed his thumb and forefinger into his
temples, trying to massage out his headache. “Of course yeast don’t
have sex. They’re single-celled fungi.”
“I know.” Griff crossed his arms defensively. “I took biology. I
just wondered why they had pheromones if they weren’t going to use
them.”
Was Griff flirting? That certainly sounded like a double entendre.
But Raj, exhausted as he was, couldn’t come up with a snappy
response. “They use them to signal for mating.”
“So…for having sex?”
Raj closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’m not even going to
discuss this with you.” He turned back to his work, but couldn’t focus
on the models on his computer because the hair was standing up on
the back of his neck. There was no way he could ignore Griff sitting
behind him. “And I don’t need a ride.”
“Don’t be difficult. Of course you should take the ride.”
Raj snapped his head around, pinning Griffin with a look of
disbelief. “Don’t be difficult?”
Griff had the grace to blush and look sheepish. “C’mon…” He
shrugged. The way he tucked his head back made it look like he was
trying to seem smaller. “I won’t try anything, I swear.”
For a second Raj stared at him, trying to figure out Griff’s angle.
Was Griff hitting on him? Apologizing? Raj might have been bucking
to graduate summa cum laude, but he’d never been all that great at
figuring out people’s motivations. That was probably why he never
had more than one or two friends.
“So, you’re out now?” Raj asked. He turned back to his computer,
saving his work and signing out of the system. There was no way he
was going to get any more done that night. He’d just have to come in
Genius and the Jock
27
at six the next morning. Either that or between classes, when he
normally did his TA duties.
“No,” Griff said. He didn’t play dumb though, asking what Raj
was talking about. “How about you?”
That took Raj by surprise. “No.” He thought about his enormous,
close-knit, and extremely traditional family and how they’d freak the
fuck out if he told them he was gay. Shaking his head, he reiterated,
“No effin’ way.”
Griff’s lips twisted into something of a smile.
“What?” Raj shoved his papers into his backpack and zipped it
shut. Then he made sure his workstation was clean and the
refrigerators and incubators were locked. All the while he tried to
ignore how Griff was taking his time in answering.
“Nothing. I just thought you might have told people by now.”
Griff stood from his seat and opened the door to let Raj through.
It was weird passing close to Griff. He still smelled the same, a
distinctive mix of musk and clean sweat, though Raj thought he
detected a hint of woodsy cologne.
“My family is nuts. So coming out isn’t really an option.” Raj led
the way into the hall and took a left to head to the stairs. “They still
believe in arranged marriages.” It wasn’t exactly true, but close
enough. “What about you?” Raj asked, always keeping one step in
front of Griff. “Lots of hot guys to choose from on campus. Why not
get out on the market?”
“Nah. You crazy?” Griff’s voice held a hint of a laugh, or maybe
he just sounded happy. “With football? No way.”
“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” Raj thought about it. Probably
the only thing worse than being gay and around a football player
would be being gay and a football player. “So are you gonna do it
after graduation?”
Griff shrugged. “Well, my dad’s a bit of a hard-nosed asshole.
He’d freak pretty badly.”
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Daisy Harris
When they got to the door of the building, Griff jumped ahead to
open the door again. Raj wondered if he was doing it as an excuse to
get closer.
“How about you?” Griff asked. “You gonna move to San
Francisco or New York and set the scene on fire?” He winked as he
led the way to the employee parking lot. Griff stopped in front of a
ten-year-old SUV, the kind that probably got shitty gas mileage. Raj
didn’t know if he owned the car because he’d bought it himself or if it
had been some kind of hand-me-down from an older sibling or his
parents.
“The fellowship I’m trying to get is in Boston, so I’m pretty sure
San Francisco is off the menu.” Raj had often wondered if he would
decide to live out and proud in his life after college. It seemed so far
away and theoretical at that point. Also, his family knew at least one
professor at MIT. They were like the mafia, with eyes and ears
everywhere.
Griff leaned over to unlock the door on Raj’s side. Then he
shoved it open from the inside. “Get in.”
Raj climbed into the cab. The seats were unstained fabric and the
inside surprisingly clean. Not like Cal was a slob or anything, but his
car was really disgusting. Griff’s was markedly better.
When Griff started the engine, he turned around to back out and
caught Raj’s stare. They were so close Raj could have reached out and
touched the thick arm showing under Griff’s short sleeves or run his
hand along Griff’s strong jaw.
“You don’t have to come out if you don’t want,” Griff mumbled
as he pulled out onto the street. “Hey, for all I know maybe you’re not
even really—”
“No, I am.” Raj needed one person to know. Just one. And since
he and Griff didn’t know any of the same people, telling Griff was
like whispering his secret into a well.
He breathed a sigh of relief to have one confidant in the world and
said out loud for the first time in his life, “I’m most definitely gay.”
Genius and the Jock
29
* * * *
“Cool.” Griffin smiled. “’Cuz you know, I am, too.” Fuck, it felt
good to say it. And to say it to Raj was about the best thing Griffin
could imagine. He felt like he was ten feet tall, driving Raj home,
talking openly about himself.
But then Raj said, “But just because you and me both like men
doesn’t mean we’re going to hook up.”
Griffin frowned. They say a guy never forgets his first time, and
Griffin never had. At least, he’d never forgotten his first time with
Raj. His first time with a girl he’d forgotten by morning. He’d been so
drunk he hadn’t even remembered her name.
“Yeah, I know.” Griffin shrugged, trying to make it seem like it
wasn’t a big deal. Then he added, “But, if you want to—well, you
know, I’d be up for—”
“No.” Raj crossed one leg over the other and leaned closer to the
window. He didn’t have any emotion in his voice when he said,
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Oh.” Griffin hated the finality. He didn’t understand how Raj
could be so offhand. It was crazy to think that what they’d done had
meant something, but to Griffin it had.
“My house is up there.” Raj directed Griffin to pull in front of a
small house with flowers hanging from pots outside.
He stopped the car. “Did you hate it? When we did what we did?”
Griffin wanted to look away when he asked and to make it sound like
he didn’t care. But he stared into Raj’s dark eyes.
They were almost black and were rimmed with thick lashes. His
lips were this gorgeous, warm pink color and small but beautifully
formed. Griffin wished he could drag his attention away from that
mouth.
“No.” Raj pursed his lips. With a roll of his eyes, he added, “It
wasn’t that bad.”
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Daisy Harris
Griffin’s heart beat so fast it felt like he was running a race.
“Well, then—why can’t we—”
“Because I was scared as shit after.” Raj stared out his window.
“What the hell was I supposed to think? A guy twice my size calls me
a fag, then pushes me up against a locker and sucks my—”
“But, you told me to,” Griffin interjected. Of that much he was a
hundred percent certain. He never would have gone down on Raj if
Raj hadn’t asked.
“I didn’t expect you to take me up on it.” Raj crossed his arms.
His eyebrows lowered defensively. “I was confused as hell. I didn’t
know if I wanted to do it again or whether you and your buddies were
going to track me down and beat the crap out of me. I had no one to
talk to…”
“You could have talked to me.” Griffin should have gone after Raj
and made sure he was cool with what had happened. “I thought you
didn’t like me, that you wanted some space.” It had never occurred to
Griffin that Raj might have been hiding. The thought made him feel
like crap.
“Well, how was I to know?” Raj asked. He seemed to have
calmed down a bit. “We’d only just started school.”
Griffin nibbled on his bottom lip, trying to think of something to
say that would make things better. Softly, he said, “I’m really sorry.”
Raj let out a breath that fogged the window. Shaking his head, he
said, “Yeah. I’m sorta getting that.”
A smile stretched Griffin’s face. And he tried to force his
expression to less ecstatic. “So, can we be friends, then?” He wanted a
chance at more. So much more. But he’d settle for Raj not running the
other way every time they passed each other in the lab’s hallways.
“No more shoving me into lockers?” Raj asked, and Griffin was
pretty sure he meant it as a joke.
“No.” Griffin shook his head. “I’m past that phase now.”
Raj’s shoulders bounced as he let out a small laugh. “Okay, then.”
He opened the car door and started to get out.
Genius and the Jock
31
Griffin thought about offering to carry his books up to his door for
him, but that just sounded pathetic. Raj was a grown man. Strong
looking, too. Griffin wasn’t sure he could have pushed Raj into a
locker anymore even if he wanted to.
He watched Raj go, made sure he got up to his little square of a
porch on the second floor, and waited until he disappeared inside. Raj
was so much more sure of himself than he used to be—stronger walk,
stronger body. He didn’t do that thing he had in his freshman year
where he cleared his throat all the time and walked with his shoulders
slumped forward.
He’d grown up. Griffin just hoped he’d grown up enough, too, to
get it right this time.
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Chapter Two
Griffin tried to focus on his schoolwork. It would have been a
much easier task if his teammate Mike weren’t sitting on the edge of
the desk chattering about everything from the building’s lack of
windows to how Griffin had refused to go to a homecoming party.
“Don’t you have something you need to be doing?” Griffin tried
to give his friend a hint to leave.
“Dude, don’t act like such a prick. I was just hanging out.” Mike
leafed through some of Griffin’s papers, probably looking for how
Griffin answered some of the harder essay questions on their
government midterm.
It was a take-home test, and Mike had been bugging Griffin to let
him crib the answers ever since Professor Gold had handed out the
papers.
“I’m supposed to be working.” Griffin didn’t want to add that
Mike was cutting into his study time. Mike was always giving Griffin
shit about schoolwork, asking why Griffin bothered to hit the books
all the time even though all their teachers practically had to pass them
lest they piss off the football coach.
Maybe it was stupid, but Griffin wanted to earn his grades instead
of having them handed to him—even if he only got C’s and B’s. Plus,
teacher recommendations were an important part of graduate school
and job applications.
“Doesn’t look like you have shit to do.” Mike gestured around the
hallways. He got a cruel glint in his eyes. “Hey, you ever go roaming
around, see what’s in all the labs?”
Genius and the Jock
33
“Well, yeah, I have to take inventory and stock all the supplies.”
He thought about that first day of finding Raj’s lab and smiled when
he thought about how he stopped by that same lab every night now.
He’d bring Raj coffee or just say “hi.” Raj had even let Griff drive
him home a couple more times.
“You should piss in the petri dishes.” Mike snickered. The guy
was an idiot.
“You ever seen a petri dish, dumbass?” Griffin rolled his eyes.
“They’re shallow. The piss would spray all over. And anyway, why
the fuck would I want to mess up someone’s work?” He thought
about Raj, toiling away every night. He knew the guy came in most
mornings, too. The thought that someone would fuck up one of his
studies just to be a douche made Griffin so mad he wanted to grab
Mike by the scruff of the neck and toss him outside.
“When did you become such a stick in the mud?” Mike got off the
desk and picked his bag up off the floor. He was looking at Griffin as
if he saw something in him he never had before.
And even though Griffin had changed, the look in Mike’s eyes
freaked him out, because if Mike noticed the shift, then maybe
everyone else on the team would, too.
“Hey.” Mike twisted around, spotting someone approaching from
down the hall. “Isn’t that the kid who used to be towel boy our
freshman year?”
Griffin rotated the desk chair and looked in Raj’s direction. He
had a quick, scalding fear that Raj would stop to talk. Not like he’d
ever done it yet, but Griffin figured he would eventually, and then
Griffin would have to decide whether to act like a dick to Raj or deal
with his friend giving him shit for a week.
But Raj must have sensed the danger in Mike’s presence, because
he didn’t even smile as he signed in and headed up the stairs.
He normally smiled. At least, he had for the past week or so.
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Daisy Harris
“Yeah. He works in one of the labs upstairs.” Griffin said it as
offhand as he could. Then, in case the issue ever came up again, he
added, “He’s a nice guy. I mean, he seems like a nice guy.”
Mike’s forehead furrowed like he was remembering something.
“Didn’t he used to have a crush on you?”
Griffin swallowed back the bile that rose in his throat. “Nah, I’m
pretty sure he’s straight.” Griffin wondered how much of a story to
paint, but he figured he could say anything he wanted if he was acting
like he didn’t really know Raj. “I think he has a girlfriend. I’ve seen
him with a chick a few times.”
There was indeed a girl who worked in one of the labs near Raj’s.
And he had seen them talking…once.
“Huh.” Mike didn’t look convinced.
Griffin pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked it then
glanced over the security feeds as if there was something going on he
needed to investigate. “Hey, I gotta get back to work.”
“Sure, no worries.” Mike glanced longingly at Griffin’s papers but
then shrugged. “See ya in the hall later.” He hopped off the desk.
“Yeah, later.” Griffin leaned in closer to his screen, pretending to
study the doors for signs of wrongdoing until Mike was gone.
He heard the door shut in the distance and breathed a sigh of
relief. Griffin leaned back in his chair. But no sooner did he manage
to funnel his attention into his history midterm than the lights in the
building dimmed then flashed back on once before going out and
plunging the building into darkness.
Upstairs, Raj shouted, “Fuck!”
“You okay?” Griffin shouted back. He wondered if Raj had
stubbed a toe or gotten hurt. Feeling his way, he opened the drawer
where they kept the flashlight and dug it out.
“Yes…no…just…motherfucker!” Raj shouted back. “Can you
give me a hand?”
“Sure,” Griffin called upstairs. “Give me a second.” He flicked on
the flashlight and aimed the beam around the desk, looking for his cell
Genius and the Jock
35
phone. It was so dark in the windowless hallway that he couldn’t see a
damn thing. There were a few emergency lights, and he could have
followed them to get out of the building, but around his desk he
couldn’t see shit.
Something buzzed near his knee, and Griff looked down to see the
light of his cell phone shining from inside his backpack. He snatched
it up and saw Andy’s name on the caller ID.
“Hello?” He lifted it to his ear.
“You okay, Griffin?” Andy sounded more awake than Griffin had
heard in the past.
“Yeah.” Griffin looked around. It was a little creepy, actually,
dark and empty. Without the whirl and hum of the heating and
ventilation systems, the silence was oppressive. “Professor Jackson’s
lab tech asked me to go up and help with something, though. Can I
leave the desk, or do you need me to stay here?”
Griffin shone the flashlight on the sign-in sheet, double-checking
that Raj was the only student besides him in the building.
“That’s fine. Just don’t you dare trip and hurt yourself. Or if you
do, don’t even think about suing the school or it’ll be my job.”
“Sure thing.” Griffin laughed. He couldn’t imagine his folks ever
considering suing someone over something as stupid as their kid
tripping during a blown fuse, but he knew some kids at school whose
families might be that way.
“I’ve got to make sure all the doors are secure before I flip the
circuit breaker. So give me five or ten minutes, okay?” Andy huffed
as he talked, probably because he was jogging from one door to
another outside.
“Sure thing. Call if you need anything.”
From upstairs, Raj shouted again, “Are you coming or what?” He
sounded pissed as shit, though Griffin figured he was mad at the
building’s crappy power and not at him.
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Daisy Harris
“I’m coming,” Griff called in the direction of the stairs. Then he
double-checked to make sure he had his keys, his phone, and the
flashlight. “I gotta go, Andy.”
“No problem.” Andy hung up.
Griffin walked to the stairs, mindful of each step. Andy was right,
it would be easy to trip in the dark. The emergency light from down
the hall lit the stairwell, and another tiny yellow light on the second
floor illuminated the door to Raj’s lab. But through the window on
Raj’s door, Griffin saw that Jackson’s lab was pitch black.
“Hey. What’s the problem?” Griffin opened the door and shined
his flashlight inside.
Raj was standing at his normal workstation with his back to the
door.
He twisted, though he kept his hand behind him, on something on
his workstation. His lips were clenched and his eyes narrowed as if he
were furious. “What the fuck is the problem with this building’s damn
power?”
“I don’t know. I thought Andy said the electrician came in
yesterday.”
Raj held his hand sideways between two petri dishes, not wanting
to lose his space. He glared at the table beyond, which held a variety
of long syringes, with labels impossible to read in the dark. “I’ve got
to inoculate three different sets of plates with three different broths,
all within the time parameters set by the study, which I can’t even
check because the damn clock is fucking digital!” He looked on the
verge of tears, either that or on the verge of smashing the petri dishes
to pieces.
“Hey.” Griffin palmed his back, feeling the stiff fabric of his lab
coat and muscles as taut as rope underneath. He rubbed Raj’s
shoulders in a couple firm strokes. “It’s okay.” He tried to make his
voice as soothing as he could. “There’s nothing you can do about it
right now. Just wait a few minutes for the power to come back on,
okay?”
Genius and the Jock
37
Raj blinked, his eyes panicked and wet. But in the next second, he
swiped his free hand across his face. “Can you just put your hand
where mine is and hold it there for a minute? That was where I’d
gotten to when I was stupid enough to put the syringe down.”
“Sure.” Griffin didn’t want to upset Raj any more than he already
had by pushing things. He just stood close enough to get his hand into
the spot where Raj’s was. In the process, he brushed against Raj’s
side, and his palm touched the back of Raj’s hand. It felt cool and
smooth. Bony but strong.
He might have imagined that zing of attraction. But he hoped Raj
felt it, too. “Is this okay?” he muttered.
“Yeah,” Raj said breathily. He didn’t move away for a second,
and in that quick moment, it seemed as if maybe Raj was going to curl
into Griffin’s arms.
But then Raj stepped away. “Could you shine the light over this
way?” He bent to look closely at the syringes. When Griffin aimed the
light that direction, he found the right one. He returned to his space at
Griffin’s side, this time dripping a little of the liquid from the syringe
into the row of petri dishes.
Raj reached across Griffin’s chest to attend to the dishes on the
other side, and Griffin could have sworn he heard Raj sigh.
“You sure you’re okay?” Griffin wanted to rub Raj’s back some
more, but both his hands were occupied.
Raj shook his head. In that little gesture, he somehow managed to
move closer into Griffin’s side. So much that Griffin could feel the
warmth of Raj’s body through the layers of his lab coat. “I’m sorry if
I yelled. I’m not pissed at you.”
“I know.” Griffin nudged Raj with his shoulder, since his one
hand was marking the space between petri dishes and the other was
holding the flashlight aloft. “Can I give you a ride home tonight?”
Griffin asked. God, he wanted to get closer to Raj, to cross the
distance between them and press his face to Raj’s neck, smell and
taste his skin.
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Daisy Harris
“I—”
The lights blinked on.
Raj jumped away from Griffin’s side. His cheeks were dark and
his eyes darted nervously to the side.
Griffin tried not to be offended. “D’you still need me to keep my
hand here?” he asked.
“Um…” Raj looked at the dishes. “Yeah, could you? It’ll only
take me a second to finish. And I need to remember that spot so I can
make note of the time delay in the inoculation log.” He stepped closer
again and started back on his work with a different syringe. Though
this time he kept a couple extra inches between their bodies.
“So, what about that ride?” Griffin closed his eyes, hoping.
Raj’s shoulder brushed against his as Raj reached across for the
distant petri dishes.
Griffin caught a sniff of Raj’s spicy scent, layered above the
antiseptic smell of the lab.
“Yeah.” Raj held where he was a second longer than he needed to.
Griffin’s mind reeled over whether that was a signal or if Raj was just
so wrapped up in his work he didn’t notice.
“See ya at midnight?” Griffin struggled to keep his voice even and
to calm down enough not to get a hard-on. It was just a ride home, he
reminded himself. Nothing different from what he and Raj had done
several times already.
Still, his sinews and skin must have known something Griffin
didn’t, because they tingled and itched, so much that Griffin didn’t
know how he stood still and impassive while Raj finished up his
work.
* * * *
Raj’s hands were still shaking when he’d put away his samples
and entered his data—and he didn’t know if it was because of the
blackout or what had happened with Griff.
Genius and the Jock
39
Not what had happened, precisely, but what he’d wanted to
happen.
Maybe it had something to do with how pissed Raj had been at the
time, but he had wanted to wrestle Griff to the ground and make out
with him. Which was pretty funny if he thought about it, because
there was no way he could force Griff off his feet.
He clicked his combination into the lab’s incubator to lock it for
the night and then double-checked that all his data had been correctly
entered.
Raj stretched his arms behind his back, trying to work out the
kinks in his muscles. His head pounded in a dull thup-thup-thup. He
shouldn’t have let himself get so stressed out when the power went
out. All that adrenaline was still flooding his system, making him feel
lightheaded and punch-drunk.
Footsteps sounded in the hall. “Hey. You almost ready?” Griff
leaned in the doorway, a big smile stretching his face.
“Yeah.” Raj looked around for his book bag.
“I got it.” Griffin jogged to the counter where Raj had put down
his bag when he’d gotten to work. “Did you have a jacket?”
Raj pointed to the office, where there was a lineup of hooks. His
was labeled with his name, just like in kindergarten.
“Found it.” Griff handed him his jacket and hitched Raj’s
backpack over his shoulder. “Let’s go.”
“Thanks.” Raj let Griff lead the way out of the building. He
couldn’t believe he was doing this…or contemplating doing this. Raj
was going to let Griff do…something. It was decided, in his head at
least. But he didn’t know exactly when this something was supposed
to happen.
“My car’s this way.”
Griff opened Raj’s door. And after Raj climbed in, Griff closed
the door behind him.
When he’d climbed in the driver’s side, Griff seemed just as
nervous as Raj. He cleared his throat. “So. Did you lose any work?”
40
Daisy Harris
Raj thought for a second to remember what Griff was talking
about. His brain was so swamped with indecision over whether or not
to let Griff kiss him good night that Raj could barely form a coherent
thought.
Eventually, he forced out the words, “No. We use a backup
system that saves as we go. So it was cool. I just had to make note of
my deviation from protocol. I only lost six minutes to the power
outage, but that could make a huge difference in the end findings.”
“Well, that’s good, I guess.”
“I have no idea why I’m so freaked out.” Raj felt sort of crazy,
like his body was still reacting to the power outage and to Griff’s
body right up against his, even though his conscious mind knew both
things were over. Raj hated being out of control.
“Takes a little while to cool off after something like that. I didn’t
get any studying done after the outage either. Was too hyper.” He
pursed his lips as if he were embarrassed.
Griff pulled up in front of Raj’s house and stopped the car. “Hey.
D’you want me to come in?” He looked up hopefully to the door of
Raj’s apartment. He may have been blushing. “I don’t mean to do
anything. Just…well, maybe to hang out a bit, since we’re both still
awake.”
“Yeah.” Raj tried to stop his hands from shaking as he opened his
car door. He wanted this—whatever it was. His body was thrumming
with anticipation, and his mind was running blissfully on autopilot.
“Sure. We can watch a movie or something.”
Griff smiled. It transformed his face into something a lot more
handsome than Raj had seen before. His jaw was still square and his
eyebrows heavy and low. But his eyes shone. Their brown was shot
through with gold specks. Raj had never noticed that before.
“That sounds fun.” Griff hopped out of the car.
They climbed Raj’s stairs in silence. Raj felt Griff at his back as
he struggled to make his nervous hands unlock the door. The stairway
Genius and the Jock
41
landing was tiny, and Griff was a big guy, and the feeling of having
him so close did something to Raj’s ragged nerves.
He wanted to climb all over him. Lose himself in skin and sweat
and sex.
“You need help?” Griff’s hand closed over his, helping Raj turn
the key.
Raj leaned into him, not thinking, just feeling the wall of muscle
at his back. He closed his eyes.
“You okay?” Griff asked. He’d gotten the door unlocked and it
was open a few inches, but he stayed close in to Raj’s back.
“Yeah.” Raj didn’t want to move from the spot. Griff smelled
amazing and felt supple and solid. His breath fanned Raj’s neck.
Slowly, Griff lowered his head and pressed his lips to the spot
where Raj’s neck met his shoulder. It was only a soft brush of lips,
done in a second, but it sent a charge through Raj’s body, right to his
dick.
Griff must have felt it, too, because Raj could feel his growing
erection against his hip.
“We don’t have to do anything,” Griff said.
“Yeah, I know.” Raj reached back and grabbed Griff’s forearm.
He pulled it around his neck, wrapping himself in Griff like a blanket.
He leaned back fully, so that Griff took more of his weight.
“You still want me to come inside?” There was a smile in Griff’s
voice, also a good measure of nervousness.
“I won’t let you fuck me,” Raj said. He needed to get it out there
before they went any further.
“I wasn’t thinking about that.” Griff held him tighter. That
pressure was still there at Raj’s hip. Griff was obviously turned on,
but his touch was friendly and comforting.
“Can we keep the lights off?” Raj opened the door a little farther
but didn’t go inside. Sure, he’d thought about doing stuff with a guy,
but other than in the locker room that one time, he’d never done
anything with anyone.
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“Sure thing.” Griff leaned forward, just slightly.
With a long sigh, Raj shuffled into his apartment. He held Griff’s
arm around him as he walked, even though it was ridiculously slow
and would have looked stupid if anyone saw them. But Griff held him
all the way across the living room. And when they got into Raj’s
darkened bedroom, Griff growled a kiss into Raj’s neck.
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Chapter Three
“D’you know what you wanna do?” Griff breathed in his ear.
“No.” Raj bit his bottom lip, looking at his bed. “How about we
take off our shirts and lie down?”
That would be hot, even just doing that. Raj didn’t know if he
wanted to rush straight into oral. Heck, maybe they shouldn’t even get
their dicks out. Maybe they should start at the beginning.
The only problem was, Raj didn’t know where the beginning was.
“Sure.” Griff crossed his arms in front of his body and pulled off
his T-shirt. He folded his arms, not high enough to hide his pink,
puckered nipples but as if he were a little shy.
Of course, doing so made him look so built it was frankly
terrifying.
“Now you.” Was Griff blushing? It seemed that way, since there
were spots of red high on his cheeks.
“Uh…okay.” Now that Raj was staring straight at Griff’s pecs, he
was feeling a lot more uncomfortable about taking off his shirt. Sure,
he exercised regularly—push-ups and sit-ups and using a small set of
weights he kept in his closet. But the modest amount of definition
he’d managed to achieve was nothing compared to the heroic bulges
on Griff’s chest, not to mention Griff’s cheese-grater abs.
Raj couldn’t imagine why Griff wanted to be doing this with him.
Sure, there may not have been any other gay guys on the football
team, but there were on soccer, rowing, water polo, and lacrosse. Raj
wasn’t the only guy at Holsum Griff could conduct a secret
relationship with.
“You gonna do it?” Griff smiled. “You don’t have to if—”
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“No. It’s okay.” Raj tugged his shirt over his head before he could
lose his nerve. The chill air whispered across his bare skin, or maybe
that was just his skin tightening nervously under Griff’s gaze.
Griff widened his eyes. “Wow. You are so hot.”
Raj crossed his arms in an impersonation of what Griff was doing.
His face felt warm. “Yeah, right.”
“No, seriously.” Griff reached out and, tucking his bottom lip
between his teeth, stroked his knuckles along Raj’s upper arm. “You
were so damn cute freshman year, but now…” He trailed off on a
breath. Griff looked Raj over for what felt like a long time. “I’m
gonna touch you some more.”
Griff laid his hands on Raj’s chest, and Raj’s hands seemed to
leap of their own accord up to Griff’s massive pecs.
He felt his way across the planes of Griff’s body, marveling at the
firm definition. He flicked his thumbs over the hard nubbins of Griff’s
nipples.
“Uh, Raj?”
Raj dragged his attention away from Griff’s chest. “Yeah?”
Griff rolled his shoulders forward so his rib cage shrank into his
body. “I don’t really like my nipples played with that hard.”
“Oh, sorry.” He hadn’t realized what he was doing. Griff seemed
so big and strong. Raj hadn’t considered that his nerve endings would
be as sensitive as any other person’s.
“That’s okay.” Griff took Raj’s hands and put them back on his
chest. He puffed out his pecs again, as if he were proud that Raj liked
them. “Just go easy on the nips, okay?”
Raj couldn’t help but smile. “Sure.”
Griff copied what Raj was doing, feeling his way across Raj’s
shoulders and to his clavicle then sternum. He palmed Raj’s pecs—
but in this case his hands lay practically flat against Raj’s chest. Griff
swiped a fingertip across Raj’s nipple, so lightly Raj shivered and
twisted away.
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45
“Ach. That tickles.” Raj rubbed his chest, trying to get rid of that
itchy, weird feeling.
“You don’t like them touched at all?” Griff tilted his head. He
lowered his hands to the top of Raj’s jeans, thumbs hooking into his
belt loops.
“No. That’s just too light. If you’re going to do it, then do it
harder.” His face was so hot it felt like his cheeks were scalding.
“Oh.” There was a glint of excitement in Griff’s eyes. He smiled
slowly and at the same time lowered his head, inch by inch. Griff
moved so that his mouth was a hair away from Raj’s nipple.
“So you’d rather I suck it than lick, right?”
Raj’s heart pounded so hard behind his breastbone that he was
surprised Griff didn’t hear it. “Yeah.” His voice was high pitched, so
Raj cleared his throat, forcing it lower. “That would be fine.”
Griff’s mouth closed over his chest, warm and hot and firm. He
sucked lightly, and before Raj knew what he was doing, he clasped
both hands on Griff’s head, scoured his fingers through Griff’s close-
cropped hair.
He wanted it harder, much, much harder. But he didn’t know how
to say so other than to lift his ribs a little more, push a fraction firmer
into Griff’s mouth.
“Mmm…” Griff hummed into Raj’s chest and suckled just the
tiniest bit, using his tongue and teeth to tease the nubbin erect.
“Shit.” Raj blinked at the ceiling. He was bent so far back, he was
pretty sure he would have fallen on the bed if it weren’t for Griff’s
hands wrapped around his waist.
“You like?” Griff lifted his head but stayed crouched so that he
had to look up to meet Raj’s eyes.
Raj nodded. “Yeah. Um…could you do that to the other side?”
Griff’s smile was infinitely sexy. “Whatever you want.”
He bent to get Raj’s other nipple and sucked harder than before.
Griff must have sensed that Raj liked it, because he gripped Raj
tighter, nibbled just a little sharper. It hurt a bit this time but was
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amazing, too, because the sensation shot straight to Raj’s groin and
made his dick pulse.
“I need to kiss you.” Griff stood up but widened his legs so he was
shorter than Raj. His lips were a wide, wet gash and his eyes wild. He
locked their mouths together.
It was messy and a little weird. Raj was so stiff he couldn’t think,
he could barely move, he couldn’t seem to get the tempo right.
Griff stopped, gasping. “What’s the matter?”
Raj couldn’t say anything. He just stood there, wide eyed and
blinking while his brain seemed to have permanently gone offline.
After a long moment, he whispered, “Shit, I’m so turned on right
now.”
“That’s okay.” Griff pressed through the distance between them,
flattening his body against Raj’s.
Wow. It was overwhelming to have their erections pressed
between them.
“Can I blow you again?” Griff asked.
“Um…” Raj didn’t want to repeat history. “How about we just lie
down?”
“Okay.” Griff crawled onto the bed. The mattress dipped under
his weight.
Gingerly, Raj got on after him. Good God, if they tried to do
anything too involved, the Petersens would be sure to hear it
downstairs. With some hesitation, Raj hooked a leg over Griff’s hips.
He grabbed Griff’s forearm and pulled him across his body. Like they
were dancing and he was pulling Griff into a turn.
“Tell me if I’m crushing you.” Griff rolled on, and there was an
awkward moment where the two of them fought over who was going
to put their legs where.
Griff pinched his eyes closed. “Shit. I suck. I’m sorry. I don’t
know what the fuck I’m doing.” He took a deep breath. “Tell me what
you want.”
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47
He rolled onto his side. Then he hitched his elbow on the bed and
rested his chin on his palm. With his other hand, he felt his way down
Raj’s belly.
Raj sucked in a breath, creating a space for Griff’s hand.
“I…What you’re doing right now is good.”
“Yeah, but you need to tell me more.” He reached the head of
Raj’s cock, teasing him over his underwear.
“I just want us to…” He shook, his stomach sucked in. When
Griff reached deeper, made a pass with the whole of his hand over the
length of Raj over the cotton, Raj tucked his hips away. It was too
intense. “I don’t want to come yet.”
“Okay.” Griff unzipped his jeans and got them out of the way.
“How about together.” Griff scooted closer. His touch was tentative
but warm, and he inched his way into Raj’s pants.
“I can touch you, too, right?” Raj ran his fingertips over Griff’s
abs. They were…wow.
The lower part of Griff’s belly was flat, with the fine trail of hair
pointing the way into his briefs.
“Yeah,” Griff said offhandedly. He seemed much more focused
on touching Raj than on getting touched himself. “God, I missed
this.”
Raj’s eyes rolled back in his head, and he arched forward into that
firm grip. “Me, too,” Raj whispered. He tried to muster enough
coordination to rub Griff off. It wasn’t easy, since he was lying on his
right side and using his nondominant hand.
Griff must have noticed his difficulty, because he lowered his lips
to Raj’s shoulder and whispered against his skin, “Want me to rub us
both?”
Raj bucked forward. Damn—feeling another guy’s dick against
his own would be…God, it would be great. Better, even, would be
coming all over another guy’s dick. Something about that would be
dirty and wrong and completely hot.
“Yeah. I guess.”
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“’Kay.” Griff pressed forward, taking down his pants to his thighs
as he moved. Raj looked down and stared for a moment, surprised to
see that Griff’s cock wasn’t any bigger than his own. It was about the
same thickness, but shorter.
“Is it okay?” Griff’s eyes were focused on the same place as Raj’s.
He looked uncertain.
“Yeah.” Raj palmed that flesh again, feeling its weight, its heat,
the silky skin stretched taut over the rigid thickness underneath. He
bit his lip. “It’s perfect.”
Griff smiled shyly. He toyed with Raj’s underwear, urging Raj to
take it off altogether. “I used to worry you wouldn’t think it was big
enough.”
Raj couldn’t help but smile. “You’re so weird.” He shoved his
briefs down his hips, letting his erection spring free. It brushed
Griff’s, a whisper of heated skin against skin, and Raj gasped.
“Oh, hell.” Griff pressed up against him so their dicks were
trapped between their bodies. In a fitful movement, he climbed on top
of Raj, though he kept his weight on his arms.
“Shit, I need to take off my pants.” He rolled off, and Raj couldn’t
help but smile as Griff struggled to get his jeans off his ankles.
“This is harder than I imagined.” Griff came back over Raj, with
his knees on either side of Raj’s legs and his weight on his bent arms.
Raj wrapped his arms around Griff’s shoulders. “If it makes you
feel any better, you’re doing way better than the first time.”
Griff smiled and slowly lowered his body until their cocks were
pressed together. His forehead crinkled in pleasure and his mouth
opened. Raj couldn’t understand why he hadn’t thought Griff was
handsome before. At that moment he was the best-looking man Raj
had ever seen.
“Here.” Griff worked his hand between them and wrapped it
around both their cocks.
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49
Raj groaned and buried his face in Griff’s huge chest. “Oh, hell.”
He thrust into Griff’s hand. He reached down to cover Griff’s fist with
his own.
He pinched his eyes closed. Raj was so close. He felt the cum
gathering at his base. He couldn’t stop picturing how it would look
when they both shot all over each other.
“You going to?” Griff panted. He gritted his teeth, like he was
trying to hold off until Raj came.
“Oh, fuck.” Raj gripped the sheets on either side as his brains shot
out the end of his dick. It was pulsing and slippery and seared like his
groin was lit from inside.
And Griff was only a second behind. Raj could feel the seed rising
in the thick tube along the bottom of Griff’s cock. He felt every spasm
like it was his own and then the amazing slickness of Griff’s cum
mixing with his own in Griff’s hand.
He huffed out breaths like he’d just run a marathon. “Here.” Raj
pulled Griff down on top of him. “You’re not going to crush me.”
“Oh, thank God.” Griff collapsed on top of Raj, knocking the
wind out of him.
Raj tried to be a good sport. He breathed shallowly, knowing he
was probably turning blue. But then he finally gasped, “Okay, I was
wrong. You are crushing me.”
Griff chuckled, and the movement served to force even more air
out of Raj’s compressed rib cage. But Raj didn’t feel scared at all, just
like he would burst out laughing as soon as he could drag in the air.
“Sorry.” Griff rolled onto his side.
“It’s okay.” Raj shifted to keep them face to face. He couldn’t
stop rubbing his soft dick through the wetness between them.
Already, he was getting hard again. “Can I kiss you again?”
Griff grinned. Then he lowered his face until their mouths were
almost touching.
It was only then that Raj realized they’d hardly kissed the whole
time they were getting each other off. Probably for the best, since they
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could barely manage to figure out how to give each other hand jobs
without spraining something. Who knew sex was so complicated?
“Sure.” Griff pressed his lips to Raj’s.
Raj couldn’t tell which of them moaned first.
* * * *
Griffin rubbed the dust out of his eyes, trying to convince himself
that the clock by the bed was wrong. Was it really five forty-five?
He heard Raj in the next room, doing something in his kitchenette.
He smelled coffee.
Mmmm…coffee…
He rolled out of bed and pressed up to standing. Yawning, he
scrubbed a hand through his hair and the other across his chest.
His dick was half-hard and sticking out in front of his body, and
Griffin figured he should put his underwear on before going out to the
living room. Grinning like an idiot, he sifted through Raj’s sheets.
“You awake?” Raj poked his head in through the door.
“Yeah.” Griffin tugged the sheet in front of his crotch as he turned
around. He blushed.
“Oh, sorry.” Raj backed out and shut the door.
Griffin poked his feet into his briefs. Then, feeling embarrassed,
pulled on his jeans. He called through the door, “It’s okay. I was just
getting dressed.”
In the outer room, Raj was already fully dressed and loading
books into his backpack.
“What’s up?” Griffin took a tentative step in his direction, trying
to figure out whether Raj was upset about what had happened
between them. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Fine.” Raj gestured to his kitchen counter, where a mug of
coffee sat next to a half-gallon container of milk and a crumpled bag
of sugar. “I made you some, if you want.”
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51
“Thanks.” Griffin picked up the cup and took a sip before adding
anything. He winced at how strong Raj had made it and added a
generous pour of milk. “Why are you up so early?”
The coach ran the team a few mornings a week early in the
season, but never before seven.
“I’ve got a ton of work to do, so I need to head to the library.” He
frowned at his backpack. “And my friend Cal is going to pick me up
in a bit, so, um…”
“Oh.” Griffin shifted. “Was it okay I stayed over?”
“Yeah, but…” Raj shrugged. “Well, I meant what I said about not
wanting to be out. So…”
Griffin blinked, trying to unravel what Raj was saying. It was too
damn early in the morning for this. “D’you mean you want me to take
off before he comes over?”
“Yeah, if you don’t mind.” Raj gave him an apologetic smile.
“No. It’s fine.” Griffin tried not to be too pissy. “Do I have time to
shower? Or do I need to dress in camo and sneak through the woods
out back?”
Apparently, he was being pissy whether he meant to or not.
“He said he’d be here at six fifteen, but he’s usually a little late.
So it depends on how long it takes you to shower.” Raj stared at the
floor, his arms crossed defensively. “Listen—I’m not trying to be a
dick…”
“And yet you’re doing a pretty good job,” Griffin answered before
he could stop himself.
Raj snapped his gaze to meet Griffin’s. “Oh, please. If it were me
waking up in your room, would you be acting any different?”
“That would never happen,” he said without thinking.
“No shit, Sherlock.” Raj stepped up to him and poked his finger at
Griffin’s chest. His eyes flashed angrily. “You don’t want your jock
friends knowing you’re gay either. So don’t make this my issue.”
“You don’t have to tell anyone we’re together. I could have just
slept over. Like a friend.”
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“Who would believe we’re friends?”
Griffin shrugged. Raj had a point. That didn’t make him feel any
better. “Fine. I don’t need a shower.” Griffin took one last sip of
coffee and stomped into Raj’s room to grab his stuff. When he came
out again, Raj looked sheepish.
“Listen, I’m sorry, okay?” Raj threw up his hands in frustration. “I
don’t know what else you want me to do.”
“Nothing.”
He thought about kissing Raj good-bye but didn’t think he could
stand to touch the guy right at that moment. Griffin would either want
to fuck him or shove him into the wall. Either way, it would screw
everything up. “I’ll see you in the lab tonight.”
Griffin opened Raj’s door and stepped outside. He paused on the
tiny porch, wondering if he should turn around and say something to
smooth things over.
But all Raj said was, “Bye.”
So Griffin closed the door behind him and forced himself not to
look back as he made his way out to his car.
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Chapter Four
The dorm was quiet when Griffin got home.
He eased his door open and snuck over to his bed. The sun glowed
around their window shades, making the room half-lit. His roommate
Noah lay sleeping across the room.
It reminded Griff of his room back home in Buffalo with his two
brothers. Between his older brother—destined for a pro-football
career—and his younger brother—starting quarterback at a big-10
school—Griffin was used to someone sneaking in at odd hours of the
morning after getting laid. But this was Griffin’s first time. He wished
his brothers were rooming with him still so they could see it.
Then again, they’d probably beat the crap out of him if they found
out his first overnighter had been with a dude. Then his father would
dig out the shotgun to finish the job.
Griffin frowned and sat on his bed to untie his shoes.
Noah stirred, his bed creaking as he rolled over. He must have
sensed that Griffin was back, because he opened his eyes. “Hey,” he
said. His smile was slow and wicked. “Have fun last night?”
“Yeah.” Griffin skinned off his clothes and kicked his legs under
his blanket. He tried to fake sleep before Noah could wake up
entirely.
“Who was she? One of the chicks from the lab?” Noah hooked an
arm under himself so he could sit up.
Griffin wasn’t sure how to answer that. None of the girls he knew
who worked at the biology lab could even begin to be called chicks.
The ones he’d seen most often were serious, girl-power types who’d
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stare down their noses at Griffin like he was something nasty on the
soles of their shoes.
“Yeah, that’s it.” Griffin figured it was easier to lie than to come
up with some other story.
“I told Mike you weren’t a fag.” Noah rolled onto his back,
getting comfortable again in his bed.
“What?” Griffin should have left it alone. He should have, but he
couldn’t. “What the hell was Mike saying?”
Noah stretched his arms over his head, like he couldn’t decide
whether to fall back asleep or start to get up. “Oh, just him and some
of the other guys were saying they thought you were queer, and all.
Y’know—’cause you haven’t been around much.” Then Noah
snickered. “And because you haven’t gotten laid in fucking ages.”
Griffin’s whole body went tense, and he hoped Noah couldn’t
hear how his breath picked up.
Shit.
“Yeah, well, I did last night, son.” He made a show of stretching
out on his bed, though inside he wanted to curl into a ball.
“Cool. You gonna see her again? Or was this a one-time thing?”
Griffin pondered his options. On the one hand, he didn’t want to
have to at some point produce this fictional girl. On the other hand, he
might want to spend the night at Raj’s again. He could only come up
with so many fake science geeks to pretend to fuck. “We’ll see.”
It was only another semester and a half until graduation. Only a
few more months of lying. And he’d done it so long, this last bit
didn’t matter.
But Griffin couldn’t help but feel like a douchebag as he rolled
over and closed his eyes, pretending to fall asleep just like he
pretended every damn thing about his life.
* * * *
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“What’s up with you today?” Cal looked up from his microscope,
his glasses perched on this head. He always took his glasses off when
he looked at things under magnification. It was one of those habits
Raj had thought was so endearing back when he was still harboring
his crush.
“Nothing.” Raj took his samples to the incubator and set them on
their shelf.
He got one of those flashes of memory he’d been getting since the
night before, where his body would suddenly feel more alive, and he
could feel every centimeter of his skin caressed under his clothes. A
grin tugged at the corners of his lips.
“Did you hear something from MIT? Is that what it is?” Cal was
planning to stay at Holsum until Tyler graduated, which was the only
reason Cal wasn’t fighting Raj for the same fellowship.
“No.” Raj couldn’t lie. It would have been way more convenient
to just go along with what Cal thought, but Raj didn’t know for sure
whether he’d be awarded the $20,000 to apply his research to the
biosensor amplification systems being developed at MIT.
And Cal would definitely notice if next year came around and Raj
was still stuck doing his masters at Holsum. Not that there was
anything wrong with that. Holsum had a great molecular biology
department.
But Raj’s parents were already disappointed he had decided not to
go to medical school. He hoped earning his PhD at a big research
institution might take the sting out of the fact he wasn’t planning to
get married either.
“I just got a really good night’s sleep last night.” Raj grasped at
something he could use as an excuse.
“Uh-huh?” Cal leaned against the counter, skepticism written all
over his face. “Didn’t the power fail while you were working last
night?”
“Yeah, so?” Raj shrugged.
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Cal chuckled. “Whatever.” But then he perked up. “So, the
building monitor guy came to your rescue, huh? Guess you’re not
thinking of him as such a dick anymore.”
Raj spun around so Cal wouldn’t see the emotions play out on his
face. He clicked on his computer screen and got ready to enter in the
latest set of data. “He’s okay.”
A knock sounded at the door, and Raj tensed. He’d arrived early
so he could sign in before Griff got to work for the day, but Griff was
probably on shift by now.
“Yeah?” Cal called, right as his boyfriend Tyler opened the door.
Right on cue, Cal’s face split into a wide smile. “Hey.”
“Hey, yourself.” Tyler loped gracefully across the room. He was
wearing his typical low-slung jeans and shirt that fell a couple inches
above his waistband. Raj had never seen the attraction to guys who
were that obvious about their sexuality, but he could definitely
understand why Cal was into Tyler.
Cal was simple and down to earth. Yeah, he was crazy smart, but
in his heart he was an old-fashioned guy. For someone like him, Tyler
must have seemed incredibly exotic.
“How’s your day going?” Tyler landed on Cal’s lap and threw his
arms around Cal’s neck.
“I just texted you an hour ago. Not much has changed.” Cal
smiled and wove his hand between Tyler’s knees.
Raj couldn’t imagine ever being like that with a guy in public. Not
that anyone was around besides the three of them, but someone could
have walked in at any moment.
“So, Raj, how’s your day going?” Tyler remained on Cal’s lap,
combing his fingernails through Cal’s short hair.
“It’s been—”
“There was a power outage in at the lab last night while Raj was
working,” Cal answered.
“Ooh, really?” Tyler’s eyes went wide and excited. Clearly, the
kid didn’t have enough going on in his life.
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57
“It wasn’t a big deal. Griff and I were the only two people in the
building, and the security guard flipped the circuit breaker after six
minutes, so—”
“Ooh, that guy who’s always at the desk downstairs?” Tyler’s face
flushed with his enthusiasm. Cal, on the other hand, frowned.
“Raj says he’s an asshole,” Cal told Tyler.
“He’s not, really. Just a little…” Raj didn’t know how to put it.
Intimidating? Overwhelming? Too sexy to live?
Tyler smiled. His gaze took on a faraway look. “Trapped in a dark
building with a burly, straight football player. Nothing but spit and
hand lotion for lube…”
Cal smacked his ass, an offended look on his face. “I’m sitting
right here.”
“Oh, you know I’m just kidding.” Tyler kissed Cal’s cheek. And
then started nibbling his way down Cal’s neck. Cal blushed, trying to
ease his boyfriend off.
“Griff’s not actually…” Raj bit his lip, realizing he had been just
about to tell them that Griff wasn’t straight. Why on earth would he
do that? It was as if the words had tried to launch out of his mouth,
bypassing his brain.
“Who’s not what?” Cal tried to extricate himself from Tyler’s
headphone cord, which had somehow gotten wrapped around his
neck.
Raj was saved from answering because the door eased open,
creaking slightly on its hinges. The man they’d been talking about,
and who Raj had been hoping to avoid until Cal had left for the night,
appeared in the doorway.
“Oh. Hey.” Griff looked nervously at Raj and then at Cal and
Tyler.
Cal and Tyler were still touching, standing too close together to
mean anything except that they were together. And then Cal wrapped
his arm possessively around Tyler’s shoulders. “Hi, Griff.” Cal
nodded Griff’s way. “What’s up?”
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Griff blinked at Cal, like he had no idea what Cal was asking.
Then he turned to Raj and muttered, “I wanted to find out if you need
a ride home tonight.” There was an angry flush rising on his face, and
though it was obvious he was talking to Raj, he mostly stared at the
floor.
Raj had no idea why Griff would be angry. It’s not like Raj was
the one with Cal’s arm around his shoulder.
“I can give you a ride,” Cal said helpfully.
“Oh. Well, that’s cool then.” Griff started to turn away, but Tyler
piped up.
“No.” He twisted in Cal’s arms. “I really need you to give me a
ride over to the library at ten, for a…thing.”
Raj tried to give Tyler a warning look, but it was lost because
Tyler and Cal were staring into one another’s eyes having some kind
of silent communication.
“Oh, well, then yeah…” Cal shrugged. “Yeah, guess I can’t.”
“Well, whichever,” Griff said from the door. He turned to lumber
off. “You know where to find me.”
“Yeah. See you later,” Raj said toward the door.
An awkward silence settled over the room. Raj turned his
attention back to his microscope, but he could feel Tyler and Cal’s
eyes on him, tracking his movements.
“What was that about?” Cal crossed his arms, his expression both
sage and curious. “I didn’t know you guys were friends.”
“We’re not really.” Raj grabbed a box he’d been meaning to
unpack out of the corner and set it on a counter. Then he went to the
office to find the box cutter. When he came back, Cal and Tyler were
still staring at him, but he pretended he didn’t notice.
“So, he just gives you rides home for no reason?” Cal asked.
Raj could tell he was trying not to laugh. “Yeah. I mean—he’s
given me a ride home a couple times. When he got off work around
the same time I finished up.”
“And did he give you a ride home last night?” Cal smirked.
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“I know what you’re getting at, Cal.” Raj lifted a tray of test tubes
out of the box and set it down on the counter before pulling out the
layer of Bubble Wrap and setting it aside. “And even if I were gay,
you think I’d go for him?”
The delicate glass tinkled as he put it down on the counter. His
brain was screaming, Tell them! Just man up and tell them! But Raj
couldn’t make his voice work.
He didn’t know what was wrong with him. Logically, he had no
reason to lie to Cal and Tyler. None. All he had to do was open his
mouth and say, “Y’know what, guys, I actually am gay.”
But he just couldn’t.
“I’m going to take down the recycling.” Raj finished breaking
down the box and picked up the few other empty ones that were in the
back of the office. Normally, they waited for there to be more boxes
before someone took them all down to the Dumpster outside, but Raj
had to get out of the lab.
“Have fun,” Cal quipped.
Raj didn’t answer, he just backed out the door, his arm hooked
over his pile of cardboard.
Griff must have heard Raj coming down the stairs, because when
Raj reached the bottom, Griff jogged over from his desk.
“You need a hand?” His voice was low and gruff, and Raj could
tell that he was pissed off.
“If you want.” He shifted the boxes under his arm. Raj could
handle the weight easily, but he knew that it would make Griff feel
better to help, so he said, “Thanks.”
“Here.” Griff grabbed the pile away from Raj. He stood it up on
its end and landed a kick in the center while bending the pile in half.
Then he picked it up under his arm like a pile of firewood.
He started walking toward the door. “So, you didn’t tell me your
friend Cal was gay.”
“No. I didn’t.” Raj followed him to the exit and pushed it open so
Griff could go through. “So?”
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“So why did you have to kick me out this morning? It’s not like
Cal would have cared,” Griff grumbled.
“I’m just not ready. We talked about this.” Raj wished he could
take away Griff’s hurt. He really didn’t mean to make Griff feel bad.
But this wasn’t about Griff. This was about him and what he was
prepared to let out into the world. “I thought we agreed to keep things
between us quiet.”
Raj marveled at how Griff’s arms and shoulders bunched as he
lifted the boxes overhead to toss them in the Dumpster. Griff was still
in his short sleeves in the cold night air, and a thin layer of steam rose
from his skin.
“Yeah, I know.” Griff let out a sigh.
“Hey.” Raj walked up behind him. For a second, he wondered if it
was okay for him to touch Griff, since Griff had seemed angry. But
Raj understood on some deep level that Griff wouldn’t push him
away. “Hey. It’s not that I don’t like you.”
He put his arms around Griff’s waist and laid his cheek on Griff’s
shoulder, shivering slightly since he was wearing nothing more than a
lab coat over a sweater.
Griff patted his hands. “Yeah, I know. It’s no big.”
But Raj could tell that Griff was still more hurt than he let on.
“You’ll drive me home tonight?” Raj rubbed himself against Griff’s
back, trying to make it up to him.
“Of course.” Griff shrugged one of his giant shoulders. “You
know I will.”
“Yeah.” Raj did know, and that only made him feel guiltier. But
he wasn’t going to think about it. In another two hours, Griff would
be off work, and they could go back to Raj’s apartment, and they
could forget all about other people until morning.
“You’ll stay over?” Raj rubbed his nose up the side of Griff’s
neck, the same way he’d seen Tyler do to Cal.
Griff huffed out a breath that might have been a laugh but
sounded sad. “You know I’ll do whatever you want.”
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Chapter Five
Cal and Tyler had left right after Raj got back to the lab, and Raj
was glad. He didn’t know how he would have put up with them for
much longer. It felt like his secret was coming to a head—like a
festering zit. And yet Raj couldn’t metaphorically pop it.
Raj frowned out the window of Griff’s car. Now he was framing
his internal struggle in acne-related terms. He was losing his damn
mind.
“You okay?” Griff asked. “You seem tired.”
Right on cue, Raj yawned. He was fucking exhausted. “Yeah.
Good thing tomorrow’s Saturday.”
“True. I don’t have practice until two tomorrow. So we can sleep
in.”
Raj felt too guilty to look at him. Whatever had happened in the
past, the Griff he’d been spending time with these couple weeks was a
nice guy. Maybe even a great guy. And Raj was acting like a messed-
up closet case.
“Yeah, that would be nice.”
Griff reached for his hand. He rubbed the pad of muscle between
Raj’s thumb and forefinger. “We don’t have to do anything tonight if
you don’t want.”
Raj closed his eyes and moaned as Griff worked his touch slowly
up Raj’s arm to the muscles of his shoulder and neck.
“Sure you’re not gonna get into an accident? Haven’t you heard?
Don’t massage and drive.”
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Griff chuckled. “I think I can manage.” He pulled onto Raj’s street
and slowed. He let go of Raj’s shoulder for long enough to put the car
into park.
“Aw, man. Don’t stop,” Raj sighed. Griff’s hands were warm and
extremely strong, even through the thick material of his jacket.
“Let’s go upstairs. I’ll rub you down for real.”
“Sure thing.” Raj hopped out of the car.
There was no tension-filled moment on the top step like the night
before. No, this time Griff took Raj’s backpack and was pulling off
his jacket before Raj had even opened the door.
Griff marched him across the apartment, pulling off his shirt and
turning on the living room light, but not the bedroom one. When Raj
fell, face first, onto the bed, Griff landed on top, straddling his back.
He put the heels of his hands on either side of Raj’s spine and stroked
his way upward in a deep, slow press.
“Oh, my God.” It felt amazing, like a sinuous, perfect stretch of
all the tiny fibers of his muscles. Then Griff did it again, and Raj let
out a low groan.
“The coach has a masseuse come in a few times a season. I picked
up a few moves.”
“No kidding.” Raj’s eyes rolled back in his head at a particularly
miraculous pass of Griff’s hands. Raj could name every muscle in the
human body—a product of the anatomy class he took his freshman
year when he still thought he was going to go pre-med. But knowing
the muscles’ locations was nothing compared to knowing how to
work them. “You’re amazing.”
“Why, thank you.” Griff pressed a kiss into Raj’s bare shoulder.
He snickered. “Maybe you’ll give me a chance to show you more of
my talents later.”
There was no ignoring the suggestion in his voice, and Raj found
himself asking, “You done this much, then? Not the massage. I mean,
with other guys.”
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“No. Not really. I was just making a joke.” Griff pressed his
thumbs between Raj’s shoulder blades. “But I do have a hamstring
stretch that will knock your socks off.”
Raj smiled into his comforter. “Thanks. But I think my legs are
okay.”
Griff worked his thumbs into the ropey muscles along the sides of
his neck. He scrubbed Raj’s scalp, and Raj had never imagined how
good it would feel to have his head massaged.
“My, what big hands you have.” Raj found himself feeling much
more awake. Well, part of him felt very awake. The rest of his body
was being worked into a coma by Griff’s magical thumbs.
“Mmm…all the better to grip your ass with.” Griff had obviously
said it as a tease, but Raj still tensed. He imagined what it would feel
like to have his butt grabbed and gripped—either when Griff fucked
into him or when he fucked into Griff. He didn’t know which idea he
liked better or which idea scared him less.
Griff massaged his way down either side of Raj’s back until he
palmed Raj’s waist. He rubbed lower, rough thumbs working circles
into his ass through the denim of his jeans.
Raj wanted to clench, but he couldn’t seem to do anything except
groan as Griff released knots Raj didn’t even know he had. He could
have lay there for hours, letting Griff knead the globes of his ass. Raj
knew he didn’t have much there. He didn’t have a round bubble butt
like Griff did. Or even like Tyler. But apparently he had enough
muscle to fill Griff’s palms.
“I should do your legs, too.” Griff backed down Raj’s body to his
knees. Then he stroked over Raj’s hips to the tops of his thighs. “You
want to take your jeans off?”
“Hey.” Raj looked over his shoulder. “You’re just trying to get me
out of my pants, aren’t you?”
Griff shrugged. His brown eyes sparkled, and the way he grinned
did amazing things to his mouth. “Well…maybe a little.”
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Smiling, Raj lay his face down on the bed and reached under him
to unfasten his jeans. “But only if you take your shirt off.”
“But you aren’t looking at me anyway.” He tickled Raj for a
second before tugging Raj’s jeans down his legs.
Raj didn’t help him any. He just lay there like a cat in the sun,
letting Griff struggle to get his shoes untied and his jeans off his
ankles.
“You’re really not helping me out at all here.” Griff rubbed Raj’s
bare calf, and when he got his other pant leg off, he massaged both
calves in tandem.
“Nope. Not at all.” Raj stretched his arms over his head while
Griff worked his way up past his ankles and to the backs of Raj’s
thighs.
He took one thigh in both hands, massaging, rubbing, rolling the
muscles under the flesh. Then Griff repeated the same with the other
side. But when he tried to move higher, to the tender muscles right at
his seat, Raj flinched.
Despite still wearing his underwear, that touch felt unbearably
intimate. Like Griff was reaching right into his body.
But instead of backing off, Griff just kept rubbing circles. Most of
his hands, and all of his fingers, were splayed over the expanse of
Raj’s ass. But those clever thumbs kept brushing, as if accidentally,
into the T where Raj’s crease met the tops of his thighs. Every time,
Raj fought not to arch his back and chase those fingers.
Griff pressed a kiss to Raj’s back, right above the waistband of his
briefs. Before Raj could even process how that felt, Griff kissed his
way down, his breath warm through the cotton, the kisses light as
butterflies, landing lower and lower.
Until finally, Griff’s nose was buried right in Raj’s crack, and he
pressed kisses into the sensitive flesh at the top of Raj’s legs.
It felt good. So good that Raj opened his legs, letting Griff get
those lips, that tongue farther into his crease. Raj knew what this led
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65
to. He knew what Griff was hinting. What he didn’t know was
whether he wanted him to stop.
“Is this okay?” Griff asked, as if reading Raj’s mind.
“Uh…yeah.” Raj fought the urge to shove his ass in Griff’s face
again. That had felt really, really good.
“We don’t have to fuck tonight.” Griff hitched his fingers over
Raj’s underwear and tugged them down.
In a fitful move, Raj unhooked the fabric from his growing
erection and shoved his briefs to his knees. In the process, he turned
his head to the side and Griff’s lips found his, catching him in a kiss.
Griff fondled the space behind Raj’s balls, stroked along his
crack, kissed him like they had all the time in the world.
“You should take off your pants, now,” Raj said as if in a daze. He
couldn’t believe how turned on he could get just from a man rubbing
his taint.
“Whatever you like.” Griff gave him a deep kiss and then pulled
his pants off. When he got back on the bed, he crouched back where
he’d been before, kissing and licking the crease of Raj’s butt, teasing
his thumb deeper and deeper inside, until the spit and pressure were
enough that the pad of his thumb pressed directly on Raj’s puckered
hole.
“Oh, fuck.” Given how long Raj had known he was gay, he really
should have tried playing with his ass more. He knew there were toys
he could have used on himself and that a lot of gay men really liked
getting rimmed. But for some reason he’d never wanted to think of
himself that way. He’d always thought he’d be the guy doing the
fucking, not the other way around. Though at that moment, he
couldn’t quite figure out why.
“You got any lube?” Griff asked.
“Um…” Raj wasn’t sure how to answer that question.
“Not for fucking or anything. I just thought it would feel nice. I
could rub it on you.”
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“Oh.” Raj relaxed. He had to admit, he really wanted Griff to push
that thumb inside. He probably could have done it fine with just spit.
But Raj knew it would be easier, and probably a lot more fun, with
some extra slipperiness. “Yeah.”
He reached for his drawer and dug out the small bottle he’d
bought somewhere in the middle of his sophomore year. It was still
sealed and was sitting next to a 12-pack of condoms he’d bought
during that same trip to the pharmacy. When he’d finally admitted to
himself he was really gay, he’d wanted to be prepared in case the
opportunity to have sex arose. Of course, not telling a single living
soul he liked men cut down on his opportunities to get laid.
“Great.” Griff picked it out of his hand and bit the wrapper open.
He poured some onto his fingers.
Raj felt a twang of sadness. He’d always thought he’d break that
seal when he finally hooked up with Cal.
But when Griff’s slippery fingers worked between Raj’s cheeks,
the air whooshed out of his lungs. He panted, feeling a blunt pad of a
finger pressing for entry. And it was too slippery for Raj to keep it
out. Griff’s middle finger sank past his resistance, filling Raj’s ass
with a stiff, fiery presence.
God, even just that much hurt a little, but it felt unbelievably good
at the same time. And then Griff pulled almost all the way out, and
then slid all the way in again in a long, slick push.
“Fuck, you feel so hot in there,” Griff said with awe in his voice.
He pumped in again, fucking Raj with just his finger. “Is it good?”
Raj struggled to get out words. “It’s too much.” He licked his lips.
“Should I stop?” Griff kept his hand still, that rough finger still
buried deep.
“No.” Raj shook his head. “Fucking—don’t stop until I come.”
Griff kissed him again, working his hand a little harder. He
nibbled his way down Raj’s body. When he got to Raj’s hip, he urged
him onto his side and put his face to Raj’s groin.
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67
“You want me to blow you, too?” Raj didn’t know if it was okay
to get so much and not give anything in return.
“Nah. Don’t want to be distracted.” Griff slipped his arm through
Raj’s legs to hitch Raj’s knee over his shoulder. Growling, he closed
his mouth over Raj’s dick right as he planted his finger back inside
Raj’s ass.
Holy shit. The different angle put Griff’s fingertip at Raj’s
prostate, and Griff seemed to be trying to find it, because he kept
curling his finger in these teasing passes that made Raj want to
scream. He didn’t bob up and down but just sucked on Raj’s tip, his
tongue dancing along the slit.
“Oh, my God.” Raj arched off the bed. He didn’t want to come
already. It was too fucking good. So good he wondered if he’d pass
out when he finally shot. “Shit, I wish I could make you come, too.”
Raj couldn’t think of anything better than them shooting together,
all over each other. But he didn’t have any control over it, because
Griff started to finger him harder, the ridges and knuckles of him
scraping Raj’s tissues. And that edge of pain set him off so that he had
to bite his cheek to stop from screaming. And he knew that he did a
little anyway. He fisted the sheets and twisted. Trying to get more of
Griff’s mouth and his touch. And squirming to get away from that
finger at the same time.
“Holy shit, that’s hot.” Griff climbed Raj’s body, cum dripping
from his mouth and his eyes wild. Raj thought Griff would kiss him,
but instead, Griff pulled down his briefs and grabbed his dick. He
pumped his lube-slick hand in rapid fire, and then seed erupted like a
fountain from the tip of his cock.
Raj couldn’t stop watching it. It was the hottest thing he’d ever
seen. “Wow.”
“No kidding.” Griff let out a low, sultry growl. He rolled to the
side to collapse onto the bed.
“I wouldn’t have thought…” Raj bit his lip before he could finish
the thought. He’d never thought he’d be a second from begging a guy
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to fuck him. Maybe it was because in his mind, being on the receiving
end of anal made him really gay. But…well, he wasn’t sure he was
ruling that particular act out of his repertoire anymore.
“Stop thinking. It’s not good for your health.” Griff gave him a
kiss and patted his cheek. Then he pulled Raj into a sleepy hug.
* * * *
Griffin blinked his eyes open—certain that Raj was up already
and he had lost his opportunity for an early morning snuggle. But to
Griffin’s surprise, when he rolled onto his back, he felt a bony elbow
jabbing him in the spine.
“Ow.” Raj pulled his arm out and rolled so that he was facing the
other direction. He grumbled, “Go back to sleep.”
“Geez.” Griffin teased. The guy had been up at the ass crack of
dawn the last time Griffin had stayed over. He couldn’t help but smile
at Raj’s pissy attitude. It was too damn cute.
Raj fell asleep again, his face serious even when he was dreaming.
His thick eyelashes rested on his high cheekbones and a hint of
ruddiness colored his cheeks. His mouth was just slightly ajar, as if he
were sighing into Griffin’s kiss.
Griffin knew, though, that Raj would grouse at him again if he
pressed their lips together.
The clock on the side table read nine a.m., and though Griffin
could have dozed off again, he didn’t want to risk Raj getting out of
bed first. So he made his way into the living room.
He found the coffee and filters easily enough. And he set the pot
to brewing while he slipped into the tiny bathroom that was set right
next to the kitchen.
Unsurprisingly, the shower took a long time to warm up. Griffin
felt the water with his hand, sighing happily. He was in Raj Mehir’s
apartment, waiting for his lover to wake up. The day was gray and
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69
cold outside, but Raj’s bed was warm and cozy. Griffin couldn’t
imagine being happier.
He shucked off his clothes and stepped into the shower stall,
letting the water run down his back.
The door creaked open, and Raj poked his head into the bathroom.
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?” Griffin slid open the shower door and
flicked some water Raj’s direction. He smiled at Raj through the
steam. “Wanna join me?”
Raj stepped fully into the bathroom, wearing only the boxers he’d
slept in. A half erection tented the front, thought from the scowl he
was wearing Griffin figured it was just residual morning wood, not
any sign of actual interest.
“I never shower this early on Saturdays. The Petersens will know
something’s up.”
Griffin raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “You think the people
downstairs are tracking your every move?” He didn’t think Raj was
that kind of narcissist. Probably Raj just spent so much time doling
out the minutes and hours of his life that he didn’t realize most other
people weren’t like that.
“No.” Raj shoved his shorts to his ankles peevishly. “I know they
do.” He stepped into the shower.
“You could wait,” Griffin said with amusement. Raj’s grumpiness
was funny as heck. His face and chest were all flushed. And that
morning half hard-on seemed to be picking up steam. Griffin didn’t
know if it was because Raj was getting horny or mad.
“No, I can’t. Because then I’d have to shower later, and they’d
charge me for showering twice.” He ducked in front of Griffin, taking
all the hot water.
“I think you’re giving these people too much credit, hon.” Griffin
smiled that he was using a pet name. “I don’t think they care what
you’re doing.”
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Raj twisted so that the water was on his back, and he was facing
Griffin. “They’re not busybodies, they’re cheap.”
Griffin chuckled. “You think they’re counting how many showers
you take?”
The corner of Raj’s mouth hitched up. “I know they count how
many showers I take. When I first started living here I took two
showers every day, one in the morning and one at night because I’d
ridden my bike home from work. Well, after about a month, they left
an invoice on my door.”
Raj grabbed the soap out of the tiny corner shelf by his right
shoulder. Then he rubbed it in his hands. “They charged me an extra
twelve dollars and fifty-seven cents for all the water I’d been using.
Apparently they’d calculated some kind of cockamamie percentage of
their water bill that they attributed to my second showers.” It was
clear from the way Raj tossed his head that he didn’t trust his
landlords’ math.
Griffin was getting cold shoved to the back like he was, so he took
Raj’s shoulders and maneuvered him sideways to get at the water.
Doing so brushed their chests and cocks together.
“So you stopped taking a second shower?” He didn’t know how
tight money was for Raj, but Griffin probably would have just paid.
Raj scrubbed his armpits and then rubbed between his legs. The
move made his cock bob, and Griffin couldn’t help but leer.
“I showered at the lab,” Raj said grudgingly. “Free water.”
Griffin couldn’t resist touching him any longer. He grabbed Raj
and pulled him into a hug, rotating them so that Raj was under the
stream and Raj’s plump dick rubbed up along Griffin’s. “You rebel.”
He smiled as he pressed a kiss onto Raj’s mouth.
Raj turned his head to the side. He breathed, “Mostly I didn’t want
to make them do all that math again. It was embarrassing for all of
us.”
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71
“You’re a real snot sometimes, you know that?” Griffin gave the
cheek of his ass a gentle smack. But then he gripped that same cheek
and used the leverage to drag Raj closer.
“Um, Griff…” Raj’s head was still turned so Griffin couldn’t kiss
him. It seemed like he was pulling away.
“Yeah?” Griffin loosened his hold but still kept his hand on Raj’s
hip. He was starting to wonder whether the couple downstairs was
timing their shower. He would have suggested getting out except that
he still needed to wash his hair.
“You really haven’t been with any other guys?” Raj’s voice
hitched up in disbelief as he asked. He grabbed the shampoo out of a
basket hanging from the showerhead and scrubbed it viciously into
his scalp.
“No,” Griffin answered honestly. He held out his hand for the
shampoo and copied Raj, massaging the suds into his hair. “Never
been with anyone but you.”
“Oh.” Raj froze for a second, but then soap dripped down to his
eyes and he ducked under the showerhead to rinse his hair. When he’d
come out to breathe, he said, “I would have thought…I mean, you
seemed to know what you were doing…”
Griffin smiled. He’d never thought he’d hear Mr. Perfect
compliment him on his performance. He puffed his chest out a little
and preened as he stepped around Raj to get his head under the fall of
water. “Well, I’ve read a lot online. And, y’know, practiced on
myself. So…”
He knew he was blushing, but he couldn’t tell if it was because he
was embarrassed or turned on.
Raj’s mouth hung open. But he recovered quickly, swallowing
hard. “Oh…well, I guess that makes sense.”
“You never tried any of that stuff yourself?” Griffin was
surprised. He figured all guys who were considering whether they
were gay would try sticking stuff up their asses while they
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masturbated. Hell, for all he knew, maybe straight guys did, too. It
wasn’t like he went around taking a survey of all his friends.
“No.” Raj shrugged. “I always assumed I’d be the one, um, doing
the thing. Not…the other…”
Raj was adorable. He was blushing and stammering and so cute
Griffin could have eaten him up with a spoon. Who knew a guy who
must have taken every biology class Holsum offered would turn into a
nervous virgin at the mention of anal?
“You think you’re into topping?” Griffin asked. He felt a little jolt
of pride at his ability to use gay terminology without either dying of
embarrassment or bursting into a fit of hysterical giggles.
“Maybe.” Raj pressed his shoulders back, as if he were trying to
talk himself into something. Either that, or like he was trying to look
tough.
Griffin twisted the water off and turned to grab a towel so Raj
wouldn’t see how he bit his lip in an effort not to laugh.
Not about Raj topping—Griffin was cool if that was what Raj
wanted. In fact, Griff hoped he’d have a chance to bottom, at least
occasionally. But the hint of swagger Raj was trying to work was the
most adorable thing Griffin had ever seen.
“What, you think it’s funny that a little guy like me would want
to?” Raj crossed his arms, still standing in the shower. He still had a
raging hard-on, so Griffin gave it a meaningful look.
“Little guy?”
Raj reached for a towel. His face scrunched up into a sarcastic
sneer, he said, “You know perfectly well what I mean.”
Griffin caught him around the waist and pulled him close so their
hips met. When Raj would finally let Griffin catch his gaze, Griffin
said, “I’m down if you want to.”
“Really?” Raj swiped a hand through the front of his hair,
spraying droplets of water at the mirror.
“Sure. Right now if you want.” Griffin was a little nervous about
the prospect, but he wanted to be sure Raj knew he was serious.
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73
Raj blushed darker, his blood rushing under his olive skin. With a
twist of his lip, Raj said, “Maybe let’s just go down on each other
now instead?” He nipped Griffin right under the corner of his jaw.
Griffin let out the breath he’d been holding. He smiled. “Sure
thing.”
He reached around Raj’s waist, delighted when Raj took the hint
and hopped into his arms.
And just like that, Raj dropped his tough-guy attitude. He
wrapped his legs around Griffin’s back and his arms around Griffin’s
neck. And he giggled in Griffin’s arms as Griffin carried him back to
the bedroom.
* * * *
The person in front of him moved out of the way, and Raj stepped
around to the cash register. He wondered where he was going to sit,
thinking about how he hated eating at the school’s main cafeteria. The
place was like high school all over again.
“Hey, Raj.” Tyler walked up behind him, carrying a sandwich in
one hand and an orange juice in the other. “You staying to eat?” He
scanned the room for a free table.
“Yeah.” Raj would have liked an excuse to leave, maybe eat
outside or in the lab. But it was raining sloppy snow outside. He
guessed he’d have to be cool with sitting next to Tyler without the
buffering effect of Cal.
“Cool. How about over there.” Tyler gestured to an empty table
right in the middle of the room—in the no-man’s-land in between the
jock side and the artsy side of the caf.
Raj would have preferred to sit somewhere less central. Tyler was
wearing a neon-pink shirt and white jeans. The combination seemed
blindingly bright, especially considering the floor-to-ceiling windows
revealed a dark and gloomy day outside. “Yeah, that’s fine.”
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He hoped no one he knew from any of his classes would see him.
Honestly, he didn’t know how Cal did it. Tyler was just so…obvious.
He wasn’t girly at all. He didn’t talk in a high-pitched falsetto or sway
when he walked. But there was nothing at all low-key about Tyler
Burk.
“So, where’s Cal?” Raj asked hopefully.
“Studying.” Tyler opened his sandwich and started spreading
mustard on the bread with his plastic knife. “Where’s Griff?”
Raj coughed so hard that he sucked a bit of spittle into his trachea.
Then he coughed some more.
Tyler wasn’t fazed though. He just kept thoughtfully chewing his
sandwich.
When Raj could talk again, he said, “I’m not…I mean, we’re
not…Griff isn’t even—”
“Listen.” Tyler set down his food so he could open his drink. “I
don’t really care what you’re doing or not doing. So don’t feel like
you have to convince me of anything.”
The words fell to the floor between them, lying there while Raj
tried to compose himself enough to formulate a response.
Tyler saved him the trouble by asking, “Did you know Cal was
gay before he and I started dating?”
The rapid change of subject gave Raj whiplash.
“No.” But the truth was, Raj had hoped. Hoped, and if he really
thought about it, yes. Yeah, he’d sort of known. “Well, maybe I
wondered.”
“Uh-huh.” Tyler didn’t say anything more, making Raj ponder
where Tyler was trying to steer the conversation.
After what felt like a long time, Raj asked, “Uh-huh, what?”
Tyler shrugged. “I was just making conversation.”
“Oh.” Raj opened the top on his soup and scalded his mouth
trying to drink it.
“But, y’know, Cal won’t think anything bad about you if you tell
him you’re gay.” Apparently Tyler did have a point, after all.
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75
There didn’t seem to be any reason to contradict Tyler, especially
since Tyler had obviously figured out some kernel of truth. After a
moment’s hesitation, Raj asked, “Was it weird for you, when you
figured out you were gay?”
He would have thought Tyler would do some kind of massive
double-take, but Tyler didn’t react other than to wipe his mouth after
another sip of his drink. “Of course it was weird. I mean, your whole
life you think you’re supposed to be one thing, to want girls and stuff.
And slowly you realize you’re not ever going to be that person. It’s
crazy weird.”
Raj nodded. He had a million more questions running around in
his mind but couldn’t figure out how to ask any of them. All he could
think of to say was, “Yeah. I see what you mean.”
“You’ll pull through okay.” Tyler checked his phone but must not
have seen anything interesting there, because he frowned and shoved
it in his pocket. “Me and Cal got your back.”
Then, to Raj’s surprise, his own phone buzzed. He reached in his
backpack to dig it out. Raj figured it was Cal texting about what time
he’d be at the lab, but when he checked the display, he saw that it was
Griff.
Raj held the phone under the table so he could peek at it without
Tyler seeing.
Just got out of practice. What time you need a ride home?
The corner of his mouth twitched into a smile that he knew must
have looked stupid. Raj turned away from Tyler to type a response
into his phone.
Done at the lab at seven, but have jazz practice until ten.
You need a ride? Griff responded.
Raj had always been too embarrassed to let Cal come anywhere
near his practices with his jazz ensemble. It was made up of him and
five of the teachers from the music department, so it wasn’t the type
of activity that could be considered cool.
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I guess. He normally caught a ride home with one of the other
guys he played with, but…well, Raj didn’t see the harm in letting
Griff pick him up. Griff already knew more about him than most
people.
Cool! Can’t wait to see you play!!!!
Were football players allowed to use that many exclamation
points? Raj didn’t think so.
He was a little nervous at the prospect. As many violin recitals as
he’d done as a kid, those had involved sheet music and pieces he’d
memorized. His jazz band usually spent most of the session jamming.
And even though Raj had mastered the upright bass by his sophomore
year, he was always a little uncomfortable with freestyle composition.
Raj texted him the room number for where Griff could pick him
up.
“Was that your boyfriend?” Tyler asked.
But Raj didn’t answer. He was smiling so hard he hoped Tyler
didn’t notice as he slipped his phone back into his bag.
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Chapter Six
“You don’t need to do that, Dad.” Griffin stood outside Holsum’s
theater and music building trying to get his father off the phone. His
words ghosted up in steam above his cell phone.
“Of course we do. It’s your last college game. Your last game
ever, by the looks of it.” Griffin’s father never failed to remind him
how college was the end of Griffin’s football career. His dad had
played for the Denver Broncos and was hoping at least one of his sons
would go on to professional sports after school.
Thank God he’d stopped harping on Griffin to be the one. Both
his brothers were better athletes.
“I know. But Christmas break is only a couple weeks later. I’ll see
you all then.” Griffin thought about pointing out that he’d just been
home for Thanksgiving. Honestly, he was rethinking the wisdom of
having gone to college within such easy driving distance of his
family.
“It’s no use arguing. We’re coming, and that’s that.”
Griffin rubbed at his face, trying to scrape the frustration off his
skin. He was so over football already. All he wanted to do was finish
the season and maybe even come out to some extent in spring
semester. He and Raj could be a real couple, even if neither of them
told their parents. They could have a few months in the sun.
“Fine, Dad. See you in a couple weeks.”
“Your mother will be happy to see you,” his dad answered. Griffin
Senior never admitted to feelings. He always pawned them off on
Griffin’s mom. Between his dad and his two brothers, the woman had
a lot of emotions to account for.
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“Tell Mom I love her.” Griffin played his father’s game like a
champ.
He hung up his phone and pushed into the building. Then he
followed the sound of music down the hallway to a door that was
cracked open.
Raj had mentioned that he played in a jazz band but hadn’t said
how good it was. Griff didn’t listen to jazz at all, but the melodies and
riffs coming through the door sounded like they were played by a
group of professional musicians.
Curious, he peeked through the crack. He could only see a thin
slice of the room. There was one guy standing in front of Raj, and he
looked like a professor or maybe some adult who worked at the
school. And Raj was…
Well, he was amazing. His eyes were closed and his face screwed
up in concentration. Griffin had seen Raj’s intensity when he was
working in the lab, but never like this.
Raj’s fingers plucked over the strings of the bass he was
playing—quick and strong and unflinching. It was a big instrument,
rising up above Raj’s head and filling his arms, but Raj knew how to
handle it. The short sleeves of his Metallica T-shirt were folded up
around his shoulders, and his ropey muscles jumped as he worked his
fingertips on the instrument’s neck and slapped the strings in the
middle.
He was really, really good. And watching him got Griffin so hot
he thought he might spontaneously combust.
Griffin stepped inside. To his relief, there were a few folding
chairs set up on the right of the room, across from where the band was
playing. Only one person was sitting there—a woman, too old to be a
student, who must have been with one of the guys in the band.
“Hey,” she whispered, gesturing to a seat next to her. “They
should be done in a sec.”
“Thanks.” He settled into the chair, looking a little more closely at
the band. There were five guys besides Raj, all of them older looking.
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79
Raj’s lip twitched up in the corner, as if he knew Griffin was
watching him and he liked it.
Griff smiled. He was going to miss Raj so much when he left for
the wedding in a few days. They’d only been together a week, but
already he felt like he and Raj had been lovers forever. He wished he
could go with Raj, hold his hand through the ceremony. Especially
since Raj seemed to be dreading seeing his family.
Whatever song they were playing dissolved into each player doing
a couple random riffs, as if every one of them had to get in a last word
with a few distinctive notes.
Raj opened his eyes and met Griffin’s stare. His eyes were bright
and his face a little damp from the exertion of playing hard.
Griffin crossed to where Raj was picking up a giant padded bag
and fitting it over the instrument.
“Hey. That was awesome.” Griffin smiled like an idiot and didn’t
care one bit. They only had a couple more nights together before Raj
would be gone. Griffin wasn’t going to waste them being subtle.
“We’re just getting back into the groove of things.” Raj shrugged
modestly. “A couple of the guys were gone over the summer, so
we’ve had to get back in practice this fall.”
“You kids and your perfectionism.” The guy in front of Raj
chuckled. He had the shaggy hair and mellow disposition of a lifelong
academic. “Jazz is about the journey, not the destination, man.”
Raj rolled his eyes, zipping up his instrument. “I know.” When the
man stood up and made his way out of the room, Raj leaned into
Griffin’s side and whispered, “Dave’s always dropping the hippie
wisdom.”
Griffin smiled. “Maybe you should listen to him.” He hated to say
it, but Raj was wound way too tight most of the time.
“Yeah, right. Professor Jackson would love that.” Raj maneuvered
the bass toward a rack on the wall. There were several other large
instruments stored there, so Griffin guessed students came to the
studio to practice instead of taking them home.
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“Need a hand?” He grabbed the bag’s handle and lifted the base
into the rubber holder on the wall. Doing so brushed him against Raj’s
side, but Raj didn’t make any move to step away.
In fact, Raj leaned in closer. “You ready to go?” There was a
double meaning in his words that Griffin couldn’t ignore.
“More than ready. My car’s parked right outside.” Griffin grinned
to his ears, and it was all he could do not to peck Raj on the cheek in
front of everyone.
Raj gave him a little push toward the door. They were laughing by
the time they got to Griff’s car, and Raj palmed Griffin’s cock
through his pants as he drove.
On the walkway leading up to Raj’s house, Griffin pinched Raj’s
ass, and on Raj’s porch, Raj fed his hands up Griffin’s shirt.
“I want you so bad,” Raj said, pulling Griffin inside.
“Fuck, me, too.” Griffin ripped at Raj’s clothes, pulling his T-shirt
over his head. Raj’s skin was slightly damp with sweat. He smelled
amazing.
Griffin dragged him forward and kissed his chest and shoulders.
“Bed?” Raj’s hands flew over Griffin’s belt buckle then along his
fly. His fingers were long and sure, and when they closed around
Griffin’s cock, he squeezed with perfect pressure.
Griffin rested his head on Raj’s shoulder. “Yeah. Bed, now.” He
kissed Raj across the apartment, but when they got to the bedroom, he
twisted them around so that he fell onto his back with Raj on top.
“I want us to fuck.” Griffin spread his legs, letting them splay
around Raj’s hips—giving an invitation, should Raj choose to accept.
Raj bucked into the narrow space of Griffin’s hips. “Yeah,” he
breathed. He thrust forward again, whatever nervousness he’d had
about sex the other morning dissolving in the darkened room.
“Oh, yeah.” Griffin worked his hand between them to get at Raj’s
underwear. He shoved them down Raj’s legs, his eyes rolling back
when he felt the hot weight of Raj’s cock stroking his.
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81
With ravenous hunger, Raj kissed him. It was as if some part of
him was being released and he was a writhing, live nerve between
Griffin’s legs.
Griffin couldn’t kiss him enough. He fumbled with a hand in the
bedside drawer, trying to get at Raj’s supplies.
Raj reached past to grab them but then paused.
His forehead crinkled, and after a moment that stretched several
heartbeats, he handed the condom and lube to Griffin. “Here.” Raj
smiled, and in that little gesture, Griffin knew exactly what Raj was
offering.
“Okay.” Griffin’s chest felt like it was going to explode from
happiness. Raj trusted him with this—his first time getting fucked.
And Griffin wanted to honor him and love him and please him all
night.
He got the bottle open and poured some on his hand. Then he
reached under Raj to get at his rim. “It’ll be good. I’ll show you.” He
gave Raj a reassuring grin and then bit open the condom wrapper and
rolled it onto his dick.
Raj nodded, his Adam’s apple bobbing on a swallow.
Griffin positioned his head at the right spot. “Push back against
me, okay?”
“All right.” Raj let out a long breath. Then in a quick move, he
forced his body down onto Griffin’s tip.
“You good?” Griffin thrust a little. He noticed Raj’s wince, and he
stopped. “You’re not, are you?”
He started to pull out.
“I’m fine.” Raj palmed Griffin’s shoulders, holding him still.
“Just—don’t move for a sec.” Slowly, he relaxed. “Okay.” Raj
gripped Griffin’s hips and urged him to start thrusting. “You gonna
fuck me, big guy?”
“Yeah.” Griffin might have laughed at Raj’s sudden impatience.
He flexed his hips, pulling almost all the way out before arching in to
the hilt. “Big guy, huh?”
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Raj gasped. “Oh, yeah.” He relaxed a little more, and then snarled
like a wild animal. “C’mon, I want to go.”
“God, you feel so good.” Griff rolled his hips, getting a nice, deep
friction that he could have felt all night.
“No.” Raj pulled him closer. “I want it harder.” That impatience
was back, and Raj bounced up and down, trying to fuck himself on
Griffin’s cock.
Griffin imagined a younger Raj, bouncing up and down on his
seat trying to answer a question, and the thought got him even more
turned on. “If you want.” Griffin drove into him, holding him tight.
He rolled his hips, trying to show Raj how good he wanted to do him.
“Better?”
Raj arched and scored his nails across Griffin’s back. “Yeah,” he
panted. “More.”
“You’re a little intense, you know that?” Griff lifted up onto his
arms and then hooked one of Raj’s legs up over his elbow. He bucked
faster, amazed that Raj could take it, but Raj just urged him on.
“Yeah…fuck…like that…higher…” Raj didn’t seem able to stop
directing Griffin, but that was okay, because his eyes were rolling
back in his head, and he was shivering like he was a second from
coming.
Griffin wondered whether what he was doing hurt. It had to since
he was giving it all he had—breaking into a sweat as his muscles
strained. But maybe Raj liked a little pain, or a lot. He remembered
how Raj’d asked to have his nipples damn near twisted off.
“You should jack it…” Griffin managed his words between
thrusts. He could feel his orgasm gathering in his balls, thickening the
base of his cock. His voice cracked on a whimper. “Come for me.”
“No.” Raj shook his head, spraying sweat. His lips looked damp
and kissable. “I’ll go as soon as I touch it.” Raj fisted the sheets in his
hand, twisting and coiling the fabric. “You first.”
“’Kay.” Griffin would have liked Raj to get off before him, to feel
like the sex god while he fucked out Raj’s cum. But he was powerless
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not to do what Raj asked. Griffin hooked a hand behind each of Raj’s
knees and hitched his ass higher and then pounded into his hole as fast
and hard as he could. In a half-dozen brutal strokes, his climax hit,
and Griff curled forward against the intensity.
The pleasure echoed from his belly down the insides of his legs.
His dick thrummed and pulsed, quivering as it spilled hot liquid. It
stretched longer than his usual orgasms, and Griffin struggled to keep
himself from collapsing.
“Now you do me.” Raj said it with firmness in his voice.
So Griffin jerked Raj off—hard as he could. He didn’t spare a
thought to how tight he was squeezing or how rough he was being,
because Raj opened his mouth on a silent scream. And his dick pulsed
in Griffin’s hand, and he shot cum in an arc. Raj looked gorgeous, and
happy, and free.
“Pull out,” Raj directed. He reached down as he said it, impatient
as always. But that was okay. Raj had taught Griffin how to fuck him
right, and Griffin couldn’t have been happier with the lesson.
“Okay, hon.” Griffin rotated off, grabbing some tissues off the
bedside table to clean up. He didn’t leave Raj’s side as he balled up
the condom and dropped it into the trash basket by the bed.
Raj rolled on his side, facing away, so Griffin curled up behind
him.
He kissed Raj’s shoulder then his neck. “You good?” Already
Griffin thought he might be able to go again.
“D’you think less of me?” Raj asked. The way he said it was
completely devoid of emotion, as if he were asking an academic
question and nothing more.
Griffin frowned into Raj’s shoulder. “Of course not. Why would
you think that?”
Raj shrugged. He moved so he could look at Griff’s face. “I
dunno. Because I bottomed, I guess.”
Snorting a laugh, Griffin said, “Of course not. I woulda, too, if
you’d asked me.”
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“Yeah.” Raj rolled his eyes. “But it’s different for a big guy like
you. Plus…” He glanced away like he was embarrassed. “I really
liked it a lot.”
Griffin wanted to kiss him until Raj stopped worrying. But he
knew this was the type of guy Raj was—he needed to think,
sometimes, before he could feel. “I don’t think you’re any less of a
man. In fact, I know I wouldn’t have been able to take a pounding like
that.”
“Really?” Raj swiveled around to give Griffin a kiss.
“Yeah, tough guy. You’re the man.” Griffin cuddled him close.
“Okay, then.” Raj settled down, as if everything between them
had been decided. After a moment, he said, “God, I so don’t want to
go to Albany for Shanti’s wedding.”
“Yeah, I know.” Griff held him closer. He knew Raj wasn’t just
upset about missing work and school. His family sounded like they
put as much pressure on Raj as Griffin’s did on him—though Raj’s
family stress was about academic performance, not football. “Maybe
you can imagine everyone at the wedding is naked,” he offered.
“Ew.” Raj winced. “That’s gross.” Then he tickled his way up
Griffin’s sides. “I’d rather imagine you naked.”
The words lit a fire in Griffin’s heart, made him want to make
love to Raj all night. “I’ll be imagining you naked all next week.”
Raj gave him a rare smile, his eyes conveying meaning and
tenderness and intensity all at once.
This thing growing between them was more than Griffin could
have hoped for. Griffin was falling for Raj completely, irrevocably.
And he thought maybe Raj felt the same way. “I’ll miss you,” he
whispered.
“Me, too.” Raj pecked a kiss on his cheek. Then, with
mischievous eyes, he said, “We should shower. Fuck the Petersens.”
“You’re funny, you know that?” Griffin kissed his nose. His chest
felt ready to burst with happiness.
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Raj shoved him playfully. “Let me up so I can wash off.” His
movements were brisk, but his gaze full of heat.
“No.” Griffin hopped off the bed and lifted Raj into his arms.
“Oh, no, you don’t.” Laughing, Raj tried to twist out of Griffin’s
hold.
But Griffin only let him touch the floor for a second before
tossing him over his shoulder and carrying him into the living room.
He would have thought Raj would put up a fight, but instead Raj
just went limp like a sack of potatoes. But right when Griffin was
opening the door to the bathroom, Raj said with absolutely no
emotion, “I’m going to murder you in your sleep, y’know.”
And Griffin burst out laughing.
* * * *
How’s the wedding going?
Raj thought about how to respond to Griffin’s text and frowned.
He looked out over the dance floor—at his sister looking radiant in
her white taffeta gown and their mom fretting over all the guests and
his cousins getting spectacularly drunk. Raj couldn’t help but feel
resentful that his mother had organized this extravaganza two weeks
before Christmas break. Even with all the extra work Raj had put in to
have time off for the family event, he’d still be slammed getting ready
for finals when he got back to school.
That, and none of them ever listened to a word Raj said.
He lifted his phone to his face and thumbed a reply. Total pain in
my ass. And not in a fun way.
Griff’s response of LOL made Raj smile.
He was just about to type in something else when out of the corner
of his eye he saw his mother approach. She wore a smart white suit, a
bindi, and a determined scowl.
Shit, was the only thing Raj had time to type before she bore down
on him.
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“Raj! Why are you not dancing?” She poked him in the shoulder
before gesturing to a knot of young women standing together on the
other side of the dance floor. “Anoushka’s daughter Amrita has been
waiting for you to ask her all night.”
With a sigh, Raj raised his chin and assessed the girl his mother
was talking about. She seemed nice enough, from what little he’d
spoken to her, but she didn’t seem to like him any more than he did
her. “Mama, I told you, I’m not interested.”
The subterfuge of pretending to be straight was getting so old. It
would be one thing if he were from an American family where he
could cover by calling a female friend a girlfriend. But no, in his
parents’ close-knit Indian community, every conversation with a
member of the opposite sex was analyzed by a panel of various
parents.
“What do you mean, you’re not interested? She’s a nice girl. You
lost your chance last year with Gita. She found some boy at college,
her parents say.”
Raj wished it were so easy for him. After all, he’d met a boy in
college, too. Before he could stop the words from leaving his lips, he
said, “I don’t like girls, Mama. You should know that by now.”
No one was around to hear, and the music was loud enough to
cover all but the loudest shouts. Still, his mother grabbed him by the
arm and dragged him across the room as if he were a little boy.
He felt the same humiliation as he had as a kid, the sting in his
arm muscle where her fingers pinched, the heat under his skin as he
wondered if anyone was watching him. Raj kept his eyes on the
ground and let her pull him through one of the banquet hall’s side
doors. And when they got outside, where no one was there to hear
her, his mother laid into him.
“You shut your mouth with that talk.” She slapped him in the
chest.
“But, Mama. I’m just trying—”
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Another slap, this one on his arm and hard enough to burn. “Stop
it. Right now. I will not have it.” She glared up at him, fury etched in
every line of her face.
Oh, no—she wasn’t surprised. She’d known all along. She
wouldn’t have been so pissed if she didn’t already know it was true.
“So, you want me to lie?” Raj felt his lower lip tremble. He hadn’t
meant to go down this road at his sister’s wedding of all places. And
honestly, he did feel bad about just blurting it out. But he felt like
he’d been trying to drop hints for his whole life. And he’d been just as
stonewalled as he was at that moment.
“I want you to go out there and ask Amrita to dance.” She lifted
her chin, daring Raj to talk back to her. The topic of discussion was
closed as far as she was concerned, and Raj knew it. The only
question was, would he storm out and cause a big scene? Or would he
suck it up and play along?
“Fine.” He shoved away from the wall his mother had backed him
up against and marched into the ballroom. And if this Amrita girl
didn’t want to dance with him, he’d ask another and another. He’d
dance with every eligible young woman at the party, just to make his
mother look good to her friends.
And when he got back to college, he’d let Griff fuck him in any
position he could think of to wash the smell of perfume and lies off
his skin.
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Chapter Seven
He held his hands out in front of him so that when Griff shoved
him into the locker he didn’t hit it too hard.
“Was that good?” Griff asked at his ear.
“For fuck’s sake, don’t ask me.” Raj braced himself against the
metal, sticking his ass out. He wiggled, trying to get Griff back on
track. He’d been waiting for this moment ever since he got off the
train back to college. “Just do it.”
Griff dragged down the sweatpants Raj had worn for easy access.
“Are you sure you locked all the doors?”
“Yes. I locked them all. Now will you fuck me already?”
“Fucking impatient.” Griff dragged Raj’s shirt off and undid his
own pants.
Raj would have preferred him to be wearing a towel, but Griff had
been too nervous about getting completely naked.
Oh, well, Raj would train him up eventually. “C’mon.”
Griff fondled between Raj’s legs. He held his one arm by the side
of Raj’s head, his palm flat on the locker. The size of his forearm was
enough to have Raj thrusting into air.
“I’ll fuck you when I’m good and ready.” Griff kicked Raj’s legs
apart. He stepped so that his thigh brushed the inside of Raj’s. It was
so hot Raj wanted to scream.
“I’m gonna kill you for not letting me film this,” Raj said.
Griffin sucked on his neck. He pressed two fingers past Raj’s
puckered opening and then shoved them deep into Raj’s guts. “You’re
fucking kinky, you know that?”
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Raj laid his face flat on the cool metal of the lockers. Through the
grate, he could smell socks and sweat. The faint aroma of male bodies
lingered in the air, covered by bleach and deodorant. God, he needed
Griff draped over his back now.
“What’s the point of having a boyfriend built like a porn star if I
can’t film some amateur footage?” He pushed back on Griff’s fingers,
showing him how ready he was.
“You say the nicest shit.” Griff hitched up Raj’s leg on one side
and then drove inside him.
Raj let out a strangled groan. He couldn’t balance as he was, with
just one foot on the ground and his hands scrabbling for purchase on
the painted metal. But Griff held him tight—one hand around his
chest and the other spreading his legs—as he pounded Raj’s ass.
“Oh, fuck…” Raj pushed up onto tiptoes, but Griff must have
noticed him trying to get his footing, because he pulled out and turned
Raj around.
With a quick move, Griff picked him up. He wrapped Raj’s legs
around his back and cupped Raj’s butt cheeks in his hands. He pushed
Raj’s back into the lockers and entered him again, fucking him
upright against the wall.
“Damn…God…damn…” Raj hung onto Griff’s neck, trying to get
some sort of leverage, trying to get his cock to the right angle to rub
in the furrow between Griff’s abs.
“You think I can fuck the cum out of you?” Griff pressed kisses
along Raj’s jaw, breathed into his ear.
Raj mewled. It hadn’t been too much before, the times Griff
fucked him. Not even that first time when it had hurt like hell. But
now it was—this being out of control, totally at Griff’s mercy. But
this was what Raj had asked for, and he wanted Griff to show him
whether he could do it.
“Yeah. Please.” Raj had never begged before. He’d demanded or
whined. But as he looked into Griff’s strong brown eyes, Raj couldn’t
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think of anything he wanted more than to let Griff do his worst.
Release that powerful body and make Raj his. “Whatever you want.”
Griff locked their lips together for a deep and brutal kiss. He
thrust again and again, his passion a living, breathing thing that swept
Raj away in its wake.
Raj’s skin seemed to melt into Griff’s, and his body burned from
the inside out in a perfect mix of ache and billowing sensation. They
gasped in time. And soon Griff felt hard as stone and Raj’s cock
thrummed. So much that every pass of Griff’s sweat-covered belly
felt like a tongue lapping at his tip.
He cried out, the orgasm hitting in wave after wave. It was a slow,
torturous twist in his belly that seemed to stretch forever before Raj
even felt his first pulse of semen. And he knew Griff was coming at
the same time because their gasps fell into a rhythm, and they moved
as one.
The dance slowed but didn’t stop until Raj felt like he would
dissolve.
Griff pulled him away from the lockers and let Raj’s legs slide
slowly down his body.
“Damn, Griff,” Raj gasped. “You have no idea how badly I
needed that.” His dick was still hard, and he felt like he was still
coming. He gripped Griff close.
“Yeah.” Griff rubbed his face along Raj’s neck, his light stubble
scraping. “You gonna tell me what happened at your sister’s
wedding?” he asked.
Raj shook his head, rubbing his sweat into Griff’s shoulder. “Hell,
no.”
* * * *
“So, what time are you going to be done tonight?” Griff smiled
from his seat on the other side of the desk.
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Raj tried not to grin too hard. Ever since he’d gotten back from
the wedding and let Griff nearly fuck him through the locker room
wall, he’d been breaking into random fits of blushing and giggles. “I
don’t have that much to do, actually. But I can hang out and wait until
you get off work if you want.”
He may have batted his eyelashes, but only a little.
Footsteps sounded from down the hall, and Raj glanced that
direction to see one of Griff’s football pals walking toward them.
“Hey.” The guy raised his hand to Raj briefly and then turned to
Griff, giving him a smile devoid of anything kind. “Hey, Tank. What
up?”
“Not much,” Griff said. He leaned back in his seat, as if he were
trying to act extra casual. But for a split second, he darted Raj a
nervous glance.
The guy leaned on the desk. He looked at Raj as if he couldn’t
figure out why Raj was still standing there. “Hey.”
“Um, hi.” Raj swallowed. He had that same feeling he’d always
gotten when a bigger, more brutish classmate was about to shove him
out of the way. But he forced himself to meet the guy’s stare. “I’m
Raj. I work upstairs in Jackson’s lab.”
“Yeah. I know.” The guy sneered.
“Oh. Well, I’ll just…” Raj pulled the ballpoint pen off the
clipboard and scrawled his name on the sign-in list. “See you later,
Griff.” He turned to leave.
Something clattered to the floor behind him.
“Hey,” Mike called. There was laughter in his voice. “You
dropped your pen.”
Raj turned slowly. “It’s not my pen, asshole.” He glanced at the
floor where Mike had tossed the BIC onto the ground. Then he darted
a look over at Griff, wondering if Griff would say something to his
friend.
Griff stood from his chair. “C’mon, Mike. Don’t be a douche.”
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Mike scowled. He shot Griff a nasty look. “What the fuck is your
problem?”
Raj bent to pick up the pen, but he was too slow because Mike’s
foot swung out, kicking the pen out of his hand.
“Ow!” Raj pulled his fingers to his chest. “What the fuck?” He
didn’t think he’d broken anything getting kicked, but it stung like hell.
If he had to miss a rehearsal on account of that asshole, Raj was going
to be fucking pissed.
“My problem”—Mike stepped up closer, so that he was only a
half foot away—“is that I don’t like you hitting on my friend. I’ve
seen you, y’know.”
Raj tried to make his face as impassive as possible. He wasn’t
going to out Griff to his friend, no matter how badly he may have
wanted to. But fuck if he was going to lie about who he was just to
make an asshole like Mike happy.
His family was one thing—they refused to hear the truth. And he
respected them too much to want to destroy their worldview. But
assholes like Mike? They were ignorant out of pure and simple spite.
“What?” Raj put his hand on his hip and took a few exaggerated
swaying steps. “You think I’m going to molest him?”
“Mike.” Griff came around from his desk. He grabbed Mike’s arm
and looked at his friend imploringly. “C’mon, man. You know you
got nothing to worry about. I don’t go that way.”
The nervous lie on Griff’s face was painful to see. It was too close
to the way Raj’s family acted around him. Like they knew who Raj
was but were terrified someone else might find out.
Raj turned around before he could see Griff lie again.
“I know, man. But it’s fucked up,” Mike was saying.
But Raj didn’t listen to whatever Griff said back, because he was
already walking away.
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Chapter Eight
Raj stomped into the office and opened the staff’s mini fridge. He
dug the gel pack out of the freezer and draped it over his finger.
“Fuck,” he said to no one in particular.
Cal ducked his head in the door. “What’s gotten up your ass?”
He’d been there when Raj had stomped through the lab’s main room,
but Raj had been too pissed to say hello.
“Just…motherfucking…” Raj didn’t know how to explain. So
instead, he just muttered, “Motherfucking Griff.”
“The football player?” Cal looked at Raj’s hand and the ice pack.
“He did that?”
“No.” Raj would have thrown the gel pack at the wall except it
would probably splatter and make a giant mess. Sometimes being a
reasonable person sucked balls. “His asshole friend.”
“Oh. So why are you—”
A knock sounded on the outer door of the lab, loud and insistent.
Raj knew perfectly well who it was, and he almost wanted to shut the
door to the office and refuse to come out. He would have, too, if Cal
wasn’t there to witness him acting like a twelve-year-old.
“Raj?” Griff pushed through the door and into the office, almost
tripping over Cal in the process.
“Oh, sorry.” Griff took a step back, looking sheepish. “Sorry, I
didn’t realize you were here.”
Cal cocked his eyebrows and gave Griff a shrewd once-over. “Do
you need something?”
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Raj knew Cal was trying to defend him, and he loved his friend
for trying. “It’s fine, Cal. I got it.” He nodded at the door, hinting that
Cal could leave.
“Fine. I’m outside if you need me.” Cal gave Raj a meaningful
look.
Raj smiled. “Yeah. Thanks, man.”
Griff waited until Cal had shut the door. Then he crossed his arms.
“Hey, listen—sorry Mike was an asshole.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Raj gave a rueful chuckle. He didn’t know
what he’d been expecting Griff to do. Rescue him like some kind of
damsel in distress? Still, he’d wanted something more than what Griff
had done.
“He’s a dick.” Griffin unfolded his arms and took a step forward.
Raj flinched.
“Listen, you know I would have stepped in if he’d tried to get
physical or anything, right?” Griffin held his hands up, trying to
explain.
“Yeah, I know.” Raj didn’t think he could look at Griff at that
moment, much less be intimate with him. It wasn’t Griff so much as
what he represented. The type of guy he hung out with and the one he
used to be. The web of lies he stayed in just because it was
convenient.
“This doesn’t have anything to do with you and me.” Griff
lowered his voice. “Please tell me it doesn’t. He’s just a jerk.”
“It’s not him, Griff.” Raj didn’t feel anything at that moment. Not
even sadness. “It’s you. You’re still the same guy you were.”
“No, I’m—”
“How are you different?” Raj threw up his hands. “You still hang
out with the same guys, do the same things—”
“Well, what about you?” Griff pressed a fist on the table. “You
hide out in here all day and night.” He gestured toward the lab with
his beefy hand. “You could have come out to your friends any time.
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You could have found a boyfriend whenever you wanted. But no.
You’re too scared.”
“I came out to my mom at that wedding.” Raj crossed his arms
and twisted away. He felt his lower lip trembling and bit on it so hard
he tasted blood. “I fucking told her I liked guys. Because of you.”
“Oh, man. Really?” Griff reached for his arm, but Raj didn’t let
him get close enough to touch him. “How’d it go?”
Raj shook his head. He wished he could think of anything to say
to minimize the sucktasticness that was his pathetic attempt at coming
out. “Like shit, if you must know. She told me to shut my stupid face
and pretend to like girls.”
Griff winced. “Oh, man. I’m sorry.” He sat on the desk, holding
his arms out slightly. “Is there anything I can do?”
“You already did it,” Raj snapped. “Thanks for the quickie.”
“That’s not what that was, and you know it.” Griff picked up a
paper clip from the desk and started to bend it out of shape. He
pointed it at Raj, his voice stern. “You know I care about you. So
don’t act like this is just sex.”
Raj grabbed the paper clip and tossed it back on the desk. “I might
not know who I am, but I’m not going to pretend for you. I’ve got…”
He rubbed the heel of his hand in his eye socket, trying to head off an
impending headache. “I’ve got enough people in my life to lie for. I
don’t want to be dating one of them.”
Griff frowned, scrubbing at the stubble on his jaw. After a long
moment, he said, “I’m going to come out.”
“Why do I doubt that?” Raj knew he was scowling but didn’t care.
“If I come out with the guys on the team, will you do it with your
friends, too? Can we be a real couple?”
Raj thought about it. Mike had injured his pride. But the damage
wasn’t irreparable. “I don’t know.”
Griff nodded once, as if he understood this was the best Raj could
give him for now. He picked up the paper clip again, twisting it in his
fingers. “You do whatever you need, hon. I’m gonna tell the guys I’m
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gay. And, when you’re ready, if you want, I’ll tell them we’re
together.”
There was an honesty in his voice Raj couldn’t deny, a certainty
that pulled on the stiff cords of his heartstrings. “I can’t give you an
answer right now.”
“I know.” Griff reached for his hand, and this time Raj let Griff
touch him. “But I just wanted you to know, okay?”
Raj pressed his lips together, because he didn’t trust his voice.
Griff kissed his hand and then let Raj go. “You’re the guy for me,
Raj Mehir. I’ll prove it to you yet.”
But Raj didn’t want Griff to see his eyes getting wet, so he kept
his gaze on the window while behind him Griff slipped out the door.
* * * *
“Hey, you all right?” Cal stepped inside and closed the door
behind him. He frowned. “It sounded pretty heated in here.”
Raj kept his back to Cal, wiping the heel of his hand into his eyes.
“Yeah.” He dragged in a long sniffle, trying to pull all his feeling
back into his brain. “How much did you hear?”
“Well…I couldn’t help but catch a few words, here and there.”
“So, did you hear I’m gay?” Raj turned around to look at his
friend. It was the moment of truth, the moment where he faced Cal
with the lie he’d been telling his friend since their sophomore year
when they started hanging out together. If Cal was pissed, Raj
deserved it.
“I already knew, dipshit.” Cal shook his head in disbelief. He
crossed the office in a couple steps and pulled Raj into a hug. Cal’s
lab jacket smelled like chemicals, but his skin beneath smelled warm
and fresh. “I’m still your best friend.”
“I know.” Raj hugged him back. “I mean—I figured you would
be.” He could feel Cal’s strength but also how he was much narrower
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97
than Griff. Raj knew he was holding on too long, but he couldn’t
seem to let go.
Cal kissed his cheek, setting him back. “What I don’t understand
is why you didn’t tell me sooner.”
“I didn’t want to, okay,” Raj snapped. How could Cal not have
known about Raj’s crush? It had been so obvious, in retrospect.
“That’s okay.” Cal patted his arm. He was being so nice that Raj
wanted to smack him. “You don’t need to have a reason.”
“I liked you, okay? For so long.” He didn’t have any right to be
angry at Cal, but he was. “How did you not know I liked you?”
Cal fell back a step, his forehead knitting together in confusion.
“What?”
“Oh, like you didn’t know!” Raj gave voice to his worst fear, that
Cal had just been too nice to tell him he wasn’t interested.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Cal crossed his arms.
His face darkened, but it seemed to be more out of frustration than
embarrassment. “You certainly never said anything to me about it.
Hell, you didn’t even tell me you were gay.”
Raj swallowed hard. “Well, I’m telling you now.” He watched
Cal, looking for something, anything to show that Cal might have
been able to feel something if he’d known sooner.
Cal took off his glasses and cleaned them on a cloth he pulled out
of the pocket of his lab coat. His eyes looked bigger without the effect
of his thick lenses. “I’m sorry you went through that, or…well, I’m
sorry if you wanted me to notice and I didn’t.” Cal was just so damn
reasonable about the whole thing.
“Would it have mattered?” Raj asked. He shouldn’t have—he
probably didn’t really want to know. But he couldn’t stop himself.
“Raj…” Cal scrubbed a hand through his hair. “I just don’t think
about you that way.”
“Oh.” Raj looked away. He’d known Cal didn’t like him. His best
friend was head over heels in love with a flighty, goofy sophomore
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who only took dance and philosophy classes. Tyler was gorgeous,
anyway. Raj’s heart shriveled in his chest.
“It’s not that I don’t like you—”
“You don’t have to explain.” Raj wished he wasn’t hurt.
“Maybe if I knew back before I met Tyler…”
Raj shook his head. “It’s cool, man. I don’t even feel that way
about you anymore. I only wondered—”
“Oh.” Cal shrugged, obviously eager to get out of the
conversation. “Yeah. It’s all good. So, what’s this thing with Griff?”
His mind still stuck in the past and what could have been, Raj
struggled to formulate an answer. “I don’t know.” He let out a
frustrated, growling breath. “He’s not—”
“Out?”
“Yeah.” Raj nodded.
“But, you guys have been…” Cal let the sentence trail off, though
his eyes were wide as if he was impressed.
“Yeah.” Raj pursed his lips to the side, trying to make it seem like
it wasn’t a big deal. “We’ve been hooking up for a while.”
“Wow.” Cal whistled. He craned his head to look out the door, as
if he might catch a glimpse of Griff through a crack. “Damn, go you.”
Raj felt a little thrill of pride. “It just sort of happened,” he said,
casually.
“How…what…when did this happen? You asked for a ride home,
and he jumped you?”
“Sort of.” Raj blushed under Cal’s scrutiny. “We had a bit of a
thing once when we were both freshmen, but we hadn’t talked again
until he started working in the building.” He had the oddest urge to
stick his chest out and gloat. Griff was…well, he wasn’t handsome,
exactly. But the guy really did have an amazing body. And he was
insanely sweet, when he wasn’t pretending to be a dumbass to
impress his friends.
“That’s kinda romantic.” Cal smirked. “Man, I can’t wait to tell
Tyler. He’s gonna shit.”
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“You guys are such girls.” Raj didn’t know what was supposed to
happen now. Would he be expected to flounce around like Tyler did?
Cal didn’t act that way, but Raj didn’t know what might be expected
of him now that he was no longer straight.
Cal smiled widely. “We’re the same guys we were before, man.
Just today we have better gossip.”
Raj crossed the office to head for the door. “Listen, just don’t tell
anyone about Griff, okay?”
“Who would I tell?” Cal asked. And he had a point. Cal and Raj
weren’t friends with any of the same guys as Griff. No matter how
small and close-knit the Holsum College gay community was, there
was almost no interface between it and the football team.
“Seriously, man. Just…don’t even let on that I told you.”
“Okay.” Cal followed Raj into the main area of the lab. He put a
hand on Raj’s shoulder, patting his back. “Thanks for telling me.”
Raj smiled. “You’re welcome.” He couldn’t help but notice that
Cal’s fingers felt weaker and smaller than Griff’s, his touch not nearly
rough enough.
He tried to hide his grin as he got his slides out and slipped the
first one under the microscope.
* * * *
“Dude. Are you laughing?”
“No.” Noah snickered maniacally in his bed across the darkened
room.
“This isn’t funny.” Griffin pulled his blanket up to his neck,
feeling suddenly very naked. He hadn’t thought through how his
roommate would respond when he told him he was gay. Well, now he
knew. Noah’s response was to laugh his ass off.
“It’s not funny. It’s fucking hilarious.” Noah rolled onto his side.
His eyes sparkled. “Man, can I tell the guys?”
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“Fuck, no,” Griffin said. Once the rest of the team found out he
was gay they’d all have their different reactions, and Griffin wouldn’t
be able to control any of them. Some guys would be angry, others
freaked out. Noah was the first person he’d told, and already Griffin’s
head was spinning.
“Wait—you’re not into me, right? Like you’re not telling me
because you think I’d be into it…” Noah sounded less amused than
freaked out.
Griffin preferred that, but he wasn’t going to antagonize his
roommate. Especially since there was a good chance that if Noah
asked for a room transfer, Griffin wouldn’t be able to find a
replacement.
“No. Seriously, man. You’re not my type.”
Noah was as wide as he was tall and had a face like a pug. Griffin
hated being uncharitable, but Noah was one of the few guys on the
team Griffin wasn’t turned on by.
“Oh. Okay, cool. But, you can’t expect me to keep this a secret,
man. I’m not being a dick, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep a
straight face around you.”
“Yeah, I know.” It was going to come out sooner rather than later.
Griffin didn’t want to do a big announcement. He didn’t have the
stomach for that kind of drama. “Fine, tell them if you want.” Griffin
figured he should throw Noah a bone, especially since Noah was
being relatively cool about the whole thing.
“Awesome! Can I get the answers for that government take-home,
too?”
Griffin closed his eyes. He was too fucking tired to be dealing
with this. “I’ll give you one. But you better rewrite that shit in your
own words, or I’ll tell everyone on the team I figured out I was queer
because you and I boned.”
“Um…” Noah sounded nervous. “Y’know, I’ll just figure it out
myself. Thanks.”
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“Probably for the best.” Griffin rolled onto his side to try to get a
solid six hours of sleep before class.
“So. Have you, like, done anything gay yet?”
Leave it to Noah to ask the one thing Griffin really didn’t want to
answer. But Noah must have taken Griffin’s silence as an admission,
because he asked, louder this time, “You did, didn’t you?”
Noah bounced on his bed. “You’ve been doing gay stuff when
you’ve been out all night. You were fucking some dude. Holy shit.”
“Leave it alone, okay?” Griffin was so tired. He just wanted to go
to sleep and forget that this conversation happened. It was too soon to
come out. He should have waited until after Raj told his friends,
because now Noah was going to stir the whole team into a frenzy over
whom Griffin was sleeping with. “Did anyone ever tell you that you
gossip worse than a chick?”
“Hey, it’s not gossip if it’s true.”
Griffin yawned, trying to tell Noah that the conversation was over.
“We’re all gonna find out who you’re bangin’ eventually. So you
might as well cough it up.”
Fuck. Griffin wanted to kill his roommate. “Don’t you have
anything better to do than talk about who fucked who?”
“No,” he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Noah got out of bed, apparently having decided to give up on
sleeping. He flicked on the lights. “I know every chick every guy on
the team has slept with.”
“And you’re proud of this, because?” Griffin kept his eyes closed.
“Because there are no secrets on a team, man.”
Griffin pulled the blanket up over his head, hiding from the whole
damn world. “Of course there are, dumbass. And you’ve already
learned your one for the day.”
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Chapter Nine
“I better not catch you looking at my ass in the shower.” The
stocky defensive lineman shoved Griffin from behind, causing him to
lose balance and stumble into the lockers.
“You’re not my type, douchebag.” Griffin pushed off the metal
doors. But, not wanting things to escalate, he ignored the guy. He
peeled off his sweaty clothes and tossed them into his gym bag.
“Yeah, right.” The guy knocked Griff’s shoulder again as he
strode away.
Griffin rolled his eyes. The defensive lineman was a red-haired
giant with bad skin. He couldn’t have been more different from
Griffin’s type.
But it didn’t matter whether Griffin wouldn’t touch him with a
ten-foot pole, he knew all the guys on the team would be thinking he
was horny for them. He wrapped his towel around his waist but
decided to hang back from the showers until the other guys were
done.
It was hard enough to keep his erection down in the locker room
after the night he and Raj had snuck in to fuck. Griffin didn’t want to
get wood over a stray thought and have his entire team go running in
terror.
“Hey. You coming?” Noah walked over. He was buck naked and
holding his towel in his hand, the same way he always did.
Griffin couldn’t believe how glad he was Noah was acting like his
regular self.
“I’m gonna hang back.” He nodded toward the showers.
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“Why?” Noah asked. He looked in the direction of the billowing
steam. “Someone giving you a hard time?”
“Not really.” Griffin wasn’t scared of anyone on the team, he just
felt uncomfortable and more than a little embarrassed. “Just some
people thinking I’m gonna be checking them out.”
Noah spread his arms and spun in a slow circle. Grinning, he said,
“Why would you look at any of them when I’m around?”
Griffin chuckled at his roommate. “I see your point.” He raised an
eyebrow and gave Noah a joking once-over. “Too bad I’m taken.”
“So you say.” Noah wrapped his towel around his hips and sat on
the bench next to Griffin’s. “When you gonna cough up the deets?”
“Never.” Griffin stood up, looking over Noah’s head to see if the
other guys were done. “You’re not getting it out of me.”
Noah followed Griffin toward the empty showers. He hung close
enough to talk without being heard. “If you’ve got a boo, you should
introduce him around.”
“A boo?” Griffin hung his towel outside the shower and went to
his regular spot. He started up the water. “Look at you with the
lingo.”
“Whatever.” Noah took the shower next to Griffin’s. “All I’m
saying is that they wouldn’t be wondering if you wanted to fuck them
if they saw that you were fucking someone else.”
Griffin thought about it. Noah had a point. However, Griffin
wasn’t sure his roommate was being entirely altruistic. “You just want
to know who I’m dating, don’t you?
“Maybe.” Noah soaped his armpits. “But I think I’m right.
Otherwise they’re all gonna wonder.”
“You’re so full of shit.”
Right then, a freshman named Owen rounded into the showers. He
saw Griffin standing there, and his eyes popped wide. He almost
tripped over his feet as he backed away.
At the showerhead next to him, Noah snickered into his hand.
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Griffin scrubbed some soap over his face, as if he could wash
away the memory of the terrified look on Owen’s face. The water was
warm on his shredded muscles, but Griffin felt like a chill had run
through him. “You think they’d really feel better if they saw me with
a boyfriend?”
“Sure thing.” Noah shook the water out of his hair and started
scrubbing himself down with a washcloth. “You should bring the guy
to the barbecue after the final game next weekend. Show up with beer
and burgers, be all domestic and shit. Make the guys think you’re
cock docked.”
“Cock docked?” Griffin blinked at Noah through the water in his
eyes. “What does that even mean?”
Noah just laughed. The sound of it echoed off the damp walls.
“You need to spend more time on the Internet, man.”
Griffin thought about what that would be like, bringing Raj along
as a date. His guts twisted at the thought. “My parents are gonna be
visiting that day.”
“So?” Noah asked. He shut off his water and grabbed his towel to
dry his hair. He must have noticed the horrified look on Griffin’s face,
because he asked, “Wait—they don’t know yet?” He smiled gleefully
at the notion of Griffin being in even deeper shit than before. “Man,
you are so royally fucked.”
“No, and I wasn’t planning on telling them.” Griffin scrubbed
shampoo in his hair, trying to reconcile how he’d planned to be out at
school with how he wasn’t planning to tell his parents, who lived a
couple hours away. Noah was right. He was totally fucked.
“Listen, I won’t say anything, man.” Noah’s face took on an
uncharacteristically thoughtful expression. And he said, “I don’t think
any of the guys will. But man—you should probably tell them.”
“Yeah.” Griff nodded miserably as he shut off the water. This was
all getting more complicated than he could have possibly imagined. “I
know, buddy. I totally know.”
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* * * *
“You gonna sit at our table today?” Tyler stepped up behind Raj,
holding his tray.
Raj looked out over the battlefield of the cafeteria at second lunch,
considering his choices. One of the weird things about college was no
matter how accepting and politically correct everyone was, they still
broke into cliques in the cafeteria that would put any teenage-angst
movie to shame. And for some reason, he noticed it more acutely now
that Tyler and Cal knew he was gay.
The cafeteria was like a map of his evolution as a student. There
was the Asian table in the far back, where Raj had usually sat by
default when he’d gotten to school, the nearby science geek tables,
where he and Cal had sat during his sophomore and junior years. Gay
students congregated by the drama department on the far right side of
the cafeteria, and Cal was sitting at the gayest of the gay tables, where
male ballet dancers like Tyler and guys who wore lip gloss hung out.
Raj had never ventured that far into alternative territory. Sure, he
had sat with Cal and Tyler on the periphery before. But as Cal stood
up and waved, it was as if he were flying a rainbow flag.
“You want to sit with us?” Tyler nudged his arm.
“Um…” Raj felt his cheeks heat. He wondered if anyone could
see. “Maybe I should…” He gestured in the direction of one of the
science tables, where he spotted a couple girls he knew from the labs.
“Dude. It’s just lunch.” Tyler rolled his eyes. “C’mon.” He took a
few steps in Cal’s direction.
“Okay.” Raj trudged along behind. He felt like every eye in the
cafeteria was on him—the girl he’d tried to date for a few weeks his
junior year, the kids he TA’ed, everyone he knew from all his classes.
It was the weirdest thing, because he hardly had any friends. Right
then he wondered whether this was part of the reason he’d never
gotten close to anyone. He’d always known that someday he’d make
this walk of shame across the cafeteria.
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Cal gave him a big smile as he approached the table. “Hey.” He
waved. Then he reached out to give Tyler a hug.
Up close, the table was a lot less intimidating. Most of the guys
seemed pretty regular, and none of them were openly gawking. Raj
set down his tray and sat across from Cal, leaving a few feet of space
between himself and the guy with reddish hair to his left.
“Hey, Raj, this is Nick.” Cal introduced Raj to the dude sitting
next to him. He made this emphatic expression as if telling Raj to man
up and say hi.
“Hi, Nick.” Raj did his best to acknowledge the guy’s existence.
He couldn’t bring himself to look at him head-on, though, because he
knew he’d be wondering if Nick were gay. And then wondering if
Nick knew that he was gay.
“Hey.” Nick seemed happy enough to go back to his food without
attempting any kind of conversation.
“Is Gabe coming?” Tyler asked Nick.
“Nah, he’s got class,” Nick answered.
Raj could only imagine that Gabe was Nick’s boyfriend. Then
again, he wondered if now he was going to think every two guys he
saw together were having sex.
This whole gay thing was going to get confusing fast.
Out of the corner of his eye, Raj spotted Griff coming out of the
cafeteria line, tray in hand. He felt a weird pang of sadness, wishing
he could go over and say hi. But some of Griff’s football buddies
were walking along behind him, so Raj opted to keep his distance.
He was about to turn back to Cal and the others when he saw the
strangest thing.
The football player right behind Griff whispered to his pal. Then
one of them shoved Griff’s shoulder, and the other stuck his foot out
in front of Griff’s ankles.
Raj watched, openmouthed, as Griff stumbled forward. He swung
around, and it must have been years of athletic training that stopped
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him from falling altogether. But an apple fell off his tray and rolled
onto the floor.
The two guys laughed, punching each other in the arms as they
walked off.
And Griff stood there, alone.
Raj knew what he was feeling. He could see the anger and
humiliation in Griff’s thin, pale lips—the way Griff swallowed and
looked around nervously, hoping no one had seen him trip. Raj knew
before he even saw it that Griff would walk away with his head pulled
back, hoping no one would notice him, and sit down at some obscure
table where he hoped he could blend in.
Griff skimmed past the band table and a table full of freshmen.
When he set down his tray, he did so a half-dozen tables over from
where Raj was sitting.
He didn’t look at Raj once. Maybe he was looking away on
purpose, but Raj didn’t know. Griff had settled right on the edge of
Gaylandia. At the very end of a table full of water polo players. He
hung his head and pondered his food, not eating any of it.
“You okay?” Cal asked.
Raj’s awareness jolted back to his own table, and it felt as if the
noise of the cafeteria had risen up around him like a roar in a stadium.
So many people—all clamoring to be seen and not to be seen. “Hey,
I’m gonna…”
He didn’t know what to say to Cal, or even Tyler. They’d tried to
welcome him in and make him feel accepted. And Raj appreciated it.
But he knew someone who needed that even more.
“I’m gonna go sit with Griff.” He stood, not looking at Cal
because he didn’t want to see a question in his eyes. He didn’t look at
Tyler either, because he knew the smart-ass kid would be smirking.
Raj picked up his tray. He turned and focused on Griff’s broad
back, setting it as his destination. The noise of the room seemed to
fade into the background as he crossed the room. Raj threw his leg
over the bench next to Griff and set down his tray. Griff was eating
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the cafeteria’s signature chili con carne, and for some reason it
smelled like home.
“Hey, Griff.” Raj leaned into his side, nudging his shoulder.
Griff turned to him, his eyes wide and innocent. And happy. He
smiled slowly, his face transforming into something beautiful. “Raj.”
He said it on a breath. “I…” He shook his head, as if he had no idea
what to say.
Under the table, where no one could see, Raj locked their hands
and squeezed. “It’s okay, big guy. I got your back.”
And even though they hardly said a word to each other as they ate,
they held hands under the table the entire time.
When they finished, they cleared their trays in silence. But as they
climbed the stairs and headed to the doors, Raj leaned in closer. “Hey,
follow me, okay?”
Griff gave him a tentative smile. “Okay.” And when they pushed
out into the freezing Vermont air, Griff stayed close enough that their
jackets brushed. “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.” Raj smiled to himself. It was a little cold for what he
had planned, but that was okay. Everything was sexier with a little
discomfort.
“There.” He pulled Griff between a couple buildings to a spot
hidden from the pathway and only accessible from the inside of the
building via emergency exits.
He pushed Griff up against the gray brick wall and crushed their
bodies together. Raj couldn’t feel much through their jackets, but as
he leaned in for a kiss, he could smell the skin of Griff’s neck, the
deodorant that always seemed to cling to him after football practice.
And Griff’s mouth was hot and wet against the chill air.
“I missed you so much.” Griff dragged him closer with one hand
while his other hand pushed under Raj’s shirt. The blast of cool air
was countered by the warmth of Griff’s fingertips. Raj felt his palm
like a brand.
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“You don’t really think we’re going to do anything here, do you?”
Griff chuckled. And he had a point—no way was Raj going to take
off any more clothes than strictly necessary.
“Why not?” Raj tugged at the button fly of Griff’s pants and then
slid his hand down into his briefs. He squeezed, feeling Griff already
hard. And when Griff gasped, he smiled. “You’ll just have to be fast.”
Before Griff could answer, Raj fell onto his knees. The concrete
felt like ice through the denim of his jeans, but he was so turned on he
didn’t care. He pulled out Griff’s cock and got it into his mouth
before Griff had time to shiver.
“Holy shit. That feels…” Griff pumped forward, chasing Raj’s
mouth. He wove a hand into Raj’s hair.
Raj let out a soft moan, and Griff answered by tugging lightly. So
Raj moaned louder, urging him on. He knew Griff needed
encouragement to be as rough as Raj liked. It wasn’t because Griff
liked it so gentle, Raj knew. More that he was always careful not to
hurt him.
“C’mon.” Raj gasped before swallowing Griff down again. He
pumped his hand on the shaft, circling the tip with his tongue. Griff
tasted salty and warm. Raj’s saliva cooled as fast as he could suck, so
on each upswing, his lips tingled from the cold. He could only
imagine what Griff was feeling.
“Oh, yeah. Oh…” Griff used the back of his head for leverage and
pumped into Raj’s mouth.
It was amazing, because Raj could just barely get the entire thing
into his throat. Even another inch of length and he wouldn’t be able to
do it. He wanted to pull off long enough to tell Griff he had the
world’s most perfect cock, but he didn’t want to break Griff’s grip on
his hair.
His dick was so hard, it burned in his jeans, so Raj unbuttoned his
pants enough to get his hand inside. He was slippery at the tip,
throbbing hard. And Griff’s cock was in exactly the same state, salty
and bitter in his mouth and hard as steel.
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“I’m gonna go,” Griff warned him. He let go of Raj’s head and
petted Raj’s cheek.
But Raj didn’t pull off. Instead, he groaned around Griff’s dick,
his own cock spurting in his hand. He swallowed every bit he could,
loving the feel on his scrubbed throat.
He felt completely used and trashy, and even submissive. But he
didn’t care. In fact, he couldn’t think of anything he wanted more.
“Hey.” Griff hooked his hands under Raj’s shoulders and pulled
him up to standing. He pulled Raj against him, holding Raj while the
two of them shook and trembled, as much from the cold as from the
force of their orgasms.
Raj buried his face in Griff’s neck, smearing cum into the collar of
his jacket in the process. But he didn’t care. “I missed you, too,” he
whispered.
It had only been a few days since they’d been intimate, but
already it felt too long—as if Griff should be spending every night at
Raj’s apartment.
Griff’s giant arms felt like heaven. They blocked the cold and
wind. “Do you want to go back to your place?” Griff asked.
Raj shook his head sadly. “Nah. I’ve got class.” He would have
liked nothing more than to go home and make love with Griff all day.
But that would have to wait until later. He smiled up at his boyfriend.
“Give me a ride home tonight?”
Griff stared into his eyes. “So we’re together now, right? We can
do this for real?”
“Yeah.” Raj grinned at the beefy guy in his arms. “We can do this
thing, you dork.”
“Good.” Griff shoved his hands into the back of Raj’s pants and
gave his ass a squeeze. “Because I don’t want to have to wait another
three years.”
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Chapter Ten
“So…” Cal leaned against Griff’s desk. It was obvious that he was
trying to act like he and Griff were better friends than they were. “Do
you guys want to come to Nick and Gabe’s house on Saturday night?
Their housemate is transferring to NYU for spring semester, and
they’re having a good-bye party.”
Griff looked nervous, leaning back in his chair. “Well, I have my
game. And the football team is having its annual barbecue after that.”
Griff shrugged. It was obvious from his frown that Griff didn’t want
to go. “I can’t get out of it.”
Cal’s eyes flickered. It was obvious he felt sorry for Griff. When
it came down to it, Raj felt sorry for the guy, too. From what he
understood, a lot of the guys on the team had been giving Griff shit
since he’d come out.
“How about we go to the other party after your football thing?”
Raj asked, trying to cheer Griff up.
“Really?” Griff smiled. “You’ll come with me?”
Raj felt the blood rising up his neck to heat his cheeks. Go to a
party with the football team? As Griff’s date? And Raj knew Griff’s
parents were going to be at the game. Would he be expected to
socialize with them, too?
“Hey, I’m gonna head up to the lab.” Cal patted Raj on the arm.
He waved to Griff. “See ya.”
Griff nodded Cal’s direction, but his eyes were on Raj.
“You didn’t really mean that you’d come with me, did you?” Griff
crossed his arms and settled farther back in his chair. He chewed his
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lip, looking thoroughly unhappy. “I understand. You don’t need to
come.”
Raj thought about it for a second. The hallways of the biology labs
seemed to echo in their silence, but the fans whirred overhead and the
lights flickered as usual.
He wanted to do the right thing. And he’d always assumed the
right thing was not giving assholes like Griff’s friend Mike the time
of day. But maybe in this case, the right thing was supporting his
boyfriend. After all, Griff was the closest person to him in the world.
“I’ll do it.” Raj walked around the desk and dropped into Griff’s
lap. Screw it. There was no one around.
Griff pulled Raj into his chest. And although it was awkward on
the small chair, it still felt great to cuddle in public. Griff buried his
face in Raj’s neck and murmured, “You’ll really come?”
Raj nodded. He relaxed into the hard muscles of Griff’s chest and
basked in his salty-male smell. For a second, he closed his eyes and
leaned his head back on Griff’s shoulder. “Yeah. I will. But if anyone
gives me shit, I’m going to…” He wracked his mind for some kind of
retribution he could dish out. “Well—I’ll get extremely drunk and dig
out my old violin and start playing.”
“Ouch!” Griffin shivered. In the process, he gave Raj a tickle.
“Classical music? They’ll be begging for mercy.”
“Damn straight.” Raj kissed Griff’s neck. He felt a little tipsy
already, drunk on their closeness.
“You know I love you, right?” Griff asked.
It was sudden, and Raj wasn’t sure how to answer. “No. I didn’t
know.” He kept his face hidden in Griff’s shoulder.
“Yeah,” Griff whispered. “I always have. Ever since freshman
year. It’s only ever been you.”
Raj blinked. He knew his eyes were getting wet but couldn’t seem
to stop it. He always felt like he had no one. Even with his giant
family, he’d felt all alone.
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Cal was his best friend, but even Cal had never really known what
was going on in Raj’s life. He wasn’t sure if he loved Griff back yet,
but it was amazing to feel like someone had chosen him above anyone
else.
“You don’t have to say it back,” Griff said.
“I know.” Raj cuddled closer. He couldn’t say how he felt yet,
maybe he didn’t even know. But he did know one thing for sure.
“You’ll take me home tonight, right?”
Griff chuckled, kissing his way around Raj’s ear. His breath was
warm on Raj’s neck. “Of course, honey. Whenever you want.”
* * * *
“Do you want to watch TV or something?” Raj tossed his book
bag on the couch. He crossed into the kitchen and started pouring
water into his coffeemaker. It felt great having Griff in his apartment
again, coming home with him as if they lived together.
“You’re making coffee? It’s past midnight.”
Raj settled the pot on the counter. “Should I not?”
“Uh, maybe.” Griffin chewed on the edge of a fingernail. Raj had
never seen him do that before. “I was hoping we’d just go to bed.”
“Oh.” Raj crossed the room and pulled Griffin into an embrace.
He smiled at his lover. “I normally study for a bit when I get home.
But…” He gave him a peck on the cheek. “I’ll skip it tonight.” He
gave Griff a wink. “But you need to let me study tomorrow. I’m not
going to fuck up finals just because I got a boyfriend.”
“So…” Griff chewed his lip nervously. Normally he was the one
who initiated sex between them, and Raj wondered why he was being
so hesitant.
“So?” Raj tilted his head. He gave Griff a little rub, trying to get
him to say whatever was bothering him.
“Um, I was wondering if you…” Griff shook his head. “Nothing.”
He pulled Raj into a hug.
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“C’mon.” Raj pulled back, arms still around Griffin’s waist.
“What’s up?”
Griff blushed. “I was wondering if you still thought about topping.
You mentioned it a few weeks ago. And you haven’t brought it up
since. So I wasn’t sure if you still wanted to.” He looked at the ground
by Raj’s foot.
“You really want that?” Raj asked, surprised. He’d always
assumed Griff had been humoring him about being willing to flip
things around between them. It had never occurred to him that maybe
Griff actually wanted to bottom.
He rubbed his hand up and down Griffin’s back—because Griff
seemed honestly nervous.
“Yeah.” Griff hitched his shoulders up in a shy shrug. And Raj
saw him in that moment in a totally different light. He understood the
sweet, soft soul residing in the hard body, and how Griff needed to be
cared for just like he cared for Raj.
“Of course, baby.” Raj kissed his cheek, then the corner of his
lips. He rubbed their cheeks together, feeling the scrape of Griff’s
stubble. “Anything you want.”
He feathered his touch up Griff’s sides, under his shirt. Raj
touched him with gentle pressure and teasing passes, just the way
Griff liked. “C’mon.” He took Griffin’s hand and pulled him into the
bedroom.
Raj tugged him down onto the bed, gave Griffin one more kiss
before staring into his eyes. “D’you want me to undress you?”
Griff snickered, his eyes sparkling. “I’m not a total girl.” He
pulled off Raj’s shirt, and unfastened his pants. Then Griff kissed his
way across Raj’s chest.
“Maybe I want to undress you.” Raj urged Griff to lie down and
then he dragged off Griff’s jeans. Griff lifted off the bed, taking his
shirt off, but Raj climbed up to straddle his hips and pressed a hand to
Griff’s chest. “No way. Keep it there.”
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Griff’s arms were still wrapped up in the fabric, but stretched over
his head. He looked buff and huge and just as sexy as the first day Raj
had seen him in the locker room. Only now Griff looked even sexier.
Because he watched Raj right back, love battling the lust in his eyes.
“You know I love you, too, right?” Raj crushed their mouths
together. He couldn’t let Griff get out a reply, it would be too much,
and his heart might break. So instead, he palmed Griff’s chest, feeling
his way over the thick muscles of his back, up to the beefy biceps
trapped in a thin layer of cotton. Griff was his, every glorious inch of
him.
He wrapped his legs around Raj’s waist and bucked up into his
belly. In Raj’s ear, he whispered. “Get your pants off.”
“Geez, impatient.” Raj smiled. He hopped off the bed and finished
getting undressed, and then dropped back to between Griffin’s legs.
He kissed Griff with a rough passion, felt his way down Griff’s torso
to palm his cock. Then he smoothed his hand lower—along the inside
of his thigh, to the crease between the muscles of Griffin’s ass.
“Oh, hell.” Griffin flexed his abdominal muscles, tucking his hips
to better meet Raj’s roaming fingers. He grabbed the headboard for
better leverage.
“Oh, yeah.” Raj devoured Griff’s upper body with his eyes. God,
he was gorgeous. Heat curled low in his belly, setting a fire in his
cock and balls. “Keep holding on like that.”
Raj bent to kiss Griffin’s clavicle, then his nipples. He laved
Griff’s chest while he fumbled with the drawer to get his supplies.
“Hey.” Griff bucked, stroking his cock against Raj’s chest.
“D’you want to bother with the condoms? I mean—I’ve only been
with a couple girls, and I used protection.” He bit his lip, as if he were
embarrassed to say the next part. “And I got tested this summer
anyway. I was pretty drunk the times I hooked up, so I wanted to
make totally sure…”
“Wow.” The thought of taking Griff bareback was enough to push
his excitement from scalding hot to gotta-fuck-right-now. He tried to
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control himself enough to open the lube and slick some of it over
Griffin’s hole. Still, he couldn’t resist rubbing his erection against
Griffin’s leg as he gently circled his pucker. “You know I’ve never
been with anyone besides you, right?” He needed Griff to know they
were being safe, that Raj would never risk Griff’s health unless he
was sure.
“Yeah, I figured.” Griff’s gaze went dark. He lifted his hips,
rubbing his rim against Raj’s touch.
Raj listened to the pounding of his heart in his ears, felt Griff’’s
hard body next to his. He pressed his lips to Griff’s jaw, and he
murmured, “Okay, baby. Let’s do it.”
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Chapter Eleven
Raj fingered him slowly, maddeningly slowly. His movements
were careful, determined, like he was learning to play Griffin, and
wanted to get it right.
Griffin twisted and arched to get more. He whimpered to show
how much he liked it. “More?” he asked.
“Yeah.” Raj came over him. He rubbed their cocks together, his
crinkly hair tickling Griffin’s balls.
Griffin raised his legs to cross high on Raj’s back. “Oh, yeah.” He
was so ready to feel Raj inside him. He wanted to take Raj’s love into
his body, to feel owned and possessed.
But Raj didn’t give him what he wanted. Instead he eased his way
down Griffin’s belly. When he reached Griffin’s cock, he wrapped his
lips around the length of it.
“C’mon, please, fuck me already.” Griffin twisted away. He was
going to come in a second if Raj didn’t stop.
“So pushy.” Raj chuckled as he squeezed a little more lube on his
fingers and went back to fingering Griffin’s hole. He was ratcheting
Griffin so high, Griffin wasn’t sure he’d ever come down.
“God…please…” Griffin gasped, arching off the bed. Panting, he
said, “Seriously, c’mon!”
Raj fell on top of him. He stroked Griffin’s face as he pushed
inside. The tip of him slipped through Griffin’s muscles. And though
Griffin wanted to close his eyes—take a moment to process all the
sensation—he couldn’t tear his gaze away from Raj’s face.
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Something passed between them in that moment. A closeness
Griffin had only dared hope for—what he’d wanted ever since they
first met.
Griffin remembered how Raj used to look at him in the showers in
the locker room, the way his eyes would grow wide and he’d lick his
lips. Raj watched him with exactly that same look on his face. And
Griffin felt so proud his heart might have burst.
And then it was too much—feeling Raj around him and inside
him. Griffin shuddered, every inch of him stretched and straining but
complete at the same time.
“Let’s stay together, okay?” Raj tucked his hips back then stroked
all the way forward, filling Griffin to the hilt. With a sigh, he added,
“We can be like family.”
“Oh, fuck, I love you so much.” Griffin rode the waves of Raj’s
strokes, his voice shaking. Raj’s body was long and lean. Lightly
muscled, with skin so rich it glowed in the room’s low light. He was
beautiful, and made love to Griff like he never wanted anyone else.
Raj fucked him faster, giving relentlessly. He kissed Griffin’s
neck, and cheeks, and mouth, taking every part of him, every part that
mattered.
“Oh, God.” Griffin shivered. He took a few breaths, trying to hold
back his orgasm. He hitched his legs higher, wishing his hands were
free so he could grab his calves.
When Raj blinked down at Griffin, his eyes were soft and dark
and intimate on a level Griffin never thought they’d reach. He kissed
Griffin’s lips softly. “Want to flip over?”
Griffin groaned his agreement. When Raj pulled out far enough
that he could move, he rolled onto his stomach and pushed up onto his
hands and knees. He kept the T-shirt around his wrists though, and
grabbed the headboard again. Griffin liked the feeling of being
restrained.
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He felt Raj’s thumbs pulling him open, and then the thick, hot
stretch of Raj’s cock pushing inside. Griffin dropped his head to the
bed, unable to do anything but pant.
Raj rode him with quick thrusts and deep rolls of his hips. Griffin
watched his dick between his legs, sticking out straight and damp at
the tip from pre-cum. Raj reached around to grasp it, cuffing his hand
so Griffin could fuck into his lubed fist.
“Good boy.” Raj pressed a kiss into his shoulder, the sweetness of
it tempered by the harshness of his thrusts. “You’re taking it so
good.”
Griffin never wanted anyone else to experience Raj like he was—
rough and wild, and maybe even a little domineering. Maybe Griffin
was selfish, but he loved that Raj’s awesomeness was a secret only he
and a few other people knew.
“You gonna come for me?” Raj growled.
Griffin bucked into Raj’s hand and then back onto his cock. The
angle and rush were too much, so intense that the build of cum in his
base ached. He cried out, his head arched back. And then his world
shattered into a million pieces. The weight in his ass was hard and
demanding, moving so fast it burned him up from inside. And Griffin
was coming harder than he had in his life.
Raj buried his cock deep, held his hips right up against Griffin’s
ass. Griffin could feel him coming, the pulses wet and slippery. And
Griffin’s own cum bubbled over Raj’s fist, spurting on the sheets.
“Holy…” Griffin fell forward, twisting slightly to miss the wet
spot.
“Fuck, yeah.” Raj landed on top of him.
They stayed that way for a long time. Raj didn’t even pull out. It
felt too perfect to be connected. And Griff had everything he wanted
in the entire world.
Well, except one thing.
“Can I ask you a favor?” He started easing away. Letting Raj slip
out in the process.
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Raj reached over to the bedside table to grab a few tissues to clean
up. “Anything you want.”
Griffin knew it sounded stupid, but it mattered to him. He turned
around to look Raj in the eye. “Can you try to call me Griffin? Maybe
sometimes?” It seemed crazy to think that going by a different name
would make him a different person, but Griffin believed it. More than
that, he wanted Raj to believe he’d changed.
“Of course.” Raj gave him an indulgent grin, as if he thought
Griffin was being silly but didn’t mind at all. Very seriously, he said,
“I love you, Griffin.”
“I like that.” Griffin knew his smile was bright enough to fuel a
rocket. “I like that a lot.”
* * * *
“You ready to do this thing?” Raj asked when they arrived at the
football team barbecue. He was completely worn out already from
coffee with Griff’s family. Well—he’d had coffee. The rest of them
had hot cocoa. But there were only so many things Raj would do to
blend in with the Parkers.
“I guess.” Griff kept a death grip on Raj’s hand. His expression
was nervous. More nervous than it had been when he’d introduced
Raj to his parents.
They’d been less horrible than Griff had led Raj to believe they’d
be. His dad had been curt but not mean. His mother had tried really
hard to be friendly. Griff had introduced Raj as his boyfriend, without
even flinching.
Despite the icy temperature, sun warmed the grassy courtyard.
Three tables were laid out with plates, soda, and chips. There wasn’t
much in the way of decoration, just a banner hanging from the
second-floor windows that read “Go Holsum Gamecocks!”
Most of the football players huddled around the kegs while their
girlfriends and dates chattered next to the food table.
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Raj tugged Griff to a stop right on the outskirts of the party. “Hey.
You okay?”
“Yeah. I just wish I didn’t have to do this.” He didn’t pause to
explain more, though, just led Raj in the direction of the kegs. “Let’s
get some beers. I’m sure this whole thing will be a lot less painful
once we’ve had a drink.”
As much as Raj agreed with the sentiment, he still had to force
himself to put one foot in front of the other as they approached the
mass of the football team. Griff’s hand felt sweaty in his own.
“Oh, hey!” One of the guys near the kegs turned and waved at
Griff and Raj. He was even wider than Griff and had a smooshed-
looking face. However, he smiled in a friendly way and didn’t wince
or scowl at the way Griff and Raj were holding hands.
“Hey, Noah.” Griff held out a hand for the guy to slap. Then he
gestured to Raj. “This is my boyfriend, Raj. Raj, this is my roommate,
Noah.”
Noah’s lips pressed together, as if he were trying not to laugh.
“Hi. Welcome to the party. Here, let me get outta your way so you
can grab a beer.”
Raj wondered if he should be offended that Noah was laughing at
them. But Griff leaned into his side and rubbed a hand down his back.
“Hey, you want me to get the beers?”
“Yes, sure.” Raj stepped back a pace, closer to where Noah was
standing. He wished he could disappear, or be back in his apartment
or the lab. Somewhere where he had complete control over
everything.
“So. You and Tank been together long?” Noah said under his
breath, as if he didn’t want Griff to hear.
“Not really.” Raj wasn’t sure what Griff wanted his roommate to
know, so he opted to give as little information as possible.
“Oh. Well, if you guys want the room sometime, just let me
know.” Noah took a long swig of his drink. “I don’t know if you have
a roommate or anything.”
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Raj appreciated Noah’s effort at being nice. Still, he didn’t think
he’d ever want to spend a night on the football hall. That would feel
way too much like being a lamb sent for slaughter. “I’ve got my own
place. A little ways off campus.”
“Cool.” Noah nodded, looking impressed.
One of the other football players broke away from the mob by the
kegs. He walked by Raj and Noah. In the process, he gave Raj an
assessing once-over.
As he walked away, he muttered, “Fairy.”
If Noah had heard, he didn’t show it. He just nodded over in the
direction of the kegs. “Oh, cool, looks like Griff managed to snag a
few cups.”
Griff smiled as he walked over. He handed a plastic cup of beer to
Raj and then another to Noah, who downed the last of the one he was
drinking in order to accept a second.
Raj followed suit—chugging his glassful as fast as he could,
reaching out for Griff to hand his own over. Maybe hard drinking
really was the answer.
“Something happen?” Griff handed Raj a second glass. His
expression was more amused than concerned.
“You could say that.” Raj only managed to swallow half the next
glass before he winced. “Oh, good God, what the hell is this?”
Noah laughed. “The cheapest shit Mike and his pals could find on
sale at Liquor Mart.” Then he winked. “You don’t really taste it after
the third or fourth one.”
Raj hoped he was right.
“You want me to grab some more?” Griff looked over his
shoulder, back in the direction of the kegs. He didn’t look thrilled to
push everyone else out of the way again.
“Nah. Maybe in a sec.” Raj took another sip. Already, it tasted
better. Then again, Raj seldom drank. He was already feeling the
effects.
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“So, what happened?” Griff stepped to his side. He spoke in
hushed tones, giving Noah the option to pretend not to overhear.
But Noah must not have wanted to be kept out of the
conversation, because he piped up. “Oh, Blake just called him a
fairy.”
“Oh.” Griff rolled his shoulders back in a shrug. “Blake’s a
douche.”
It must have been that second beer, because Raj’s temper flared.
“A douche? That’s all you have to say?”
Griff raised his eyebrows. “What else do you want me to say?
He’s an asshole.”
Someone walked by with his hands full of beers and handed Griff
one. Griff nodded his thanks.
“I dunno.” Raj snatched it out of Griff’s hand and drank a few sips
before handing it back. He knew he was getting drunk, his blood
pumping hotter and his mind more fluid, but he didn’t care. “Maybe
stand up for me? Or stand up for yourself!”
“I’ve got nothing to defend myself over.” He looked to Noah for
some kind of agreement or validation, but Noah just rolled his eyes
and said, “Twinkletoes has a point.”
Before he could stop himself, Raj shoved Noah in the arm.
Noah laughed as he fell back a step, and Raj’s anger evaporated
like steam over a test tube. It was obvious Noah had been joking
around.
“Fine.” Griff finished the rest of his beer and then grabbed another
out of the hand of a passerby. He downed it in a single long gulp.
Something about that move, combined with the determined glint in
his golden-brown eyes, got Raj incredibly hot.
But Raj didn’t have time to say as much, because Griff marched
across the courtyard to where the guy Blake was standing.
Blake was with a couple others, including Mike, whom Raj knew
from the lab. The three of them shot each other snide looks as Griff
approached, but Griff stepped right up to Blake and got in his face. He
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asked, loudly enough that Raj could hear, “You calling my boyfriend
a fairy?”
The party went quiet as everyone stopped talking to listen.
“I…” Blake shook his head. Then he pointed at Raj. “He is a
fairy. And so are you. You’re two guys dating. So—fairies.”
Griff scrubbed his face once and then said, clear enough to carry,
“The word is gay. And yeah, everyone knows me and Raj are, so it’s
no big fucking secret.”
Blake rolled his eyes, trying to shrug the whole thing off. “Same
difference, dickwad. Gay, fairy, it means the same damn thing.”
“No. It doesn’t.” Griff took a menacing step forward. He got right
up in Blake’s face, and it was clear—when they were a hairsbreadth
apart—that Griff had a good deal more muscle than the guy. “Fairy,”
Griff spat, “has a different connotation.”
Griff shoved him in the middle of the chest and walked back to
Raj.
Noah leaned into Raj’s side and whispered, “Dude. What’s a
connotation?”
Raj laughed. He tried to stop, but the giggles bubbled up from his
gut. He was still chuckling when Griff pulled him into his arms and
kissed the smile right off Raj’s lips in front of the entire team.
* * * *
“Hey, are you okay? You seem tired.” Griffin studied Raj’s face,
wondering why a frown creased the sides of his lips. As far as Griffin
was concerned, the day had been a rousing success. Sure, his parents
had been standoffish, but at least they hadn’t flat-out left when Griff
introduced them to Raj.
There was a rotating party light in the corner, and discs of red,
green, and blue danced across Raj’s dark features. But Raj seemed
immune to the party atmosphere.
Genius and the Jock
125
“Yeah. It’s been a long day.” He hung close to Griffin’s side, as if
he were intimidated by the dancing couples around him. The only
person who looked as uncomfortable as Raj was the guy the party was
being thrown in honor of. The dude’s name was Matt, and he was
standing on the other side of the room, his expression stony serious as
he watched at least thirty guys bump and grind in his living room.
“You want to go home?” Griffin wound a hand around Raj’s
waist. He wasn’t much for dancing, but Griffin had wanted to at least
sway against Raj on the makeshift dance floor.
“Maybe that’s a good idea.” Raj sounded beat.
“Hey.” Griffin reached down and wove their hands together. He
lifted Raj’s hand to his lips. “If that’s what you want.”
He started leading Raj through the crowded house, but Raj’s
friends Tyler and Cal stepped into their path.
“Where you guys off to?” Tyler asked. He shimmied a little as he
spoke, swaying in time to the music. Not that Griffin was looking, but
it was obvious Tyler could really dance and had joints made out of
rubber bands.
“We had a hell of a day,” Griffin answered in case Raj didn’t want
to deal with talking.
Tyler made a face that said he didn’t believe it for a second. “Oh,
come on. It’s only eleven!”
“This isn’t really my scene,” Raj piped in. He crinkled his nose at
the people dancing. Griffin knew Raj could be a bit of a music snob.
Maybe he didn’t like the playlist.
Cal stepped around Tyler, coming to talk in Raj’s ear. “Well, at
least say good-bye to Matt. I think he feels left out of his own party.”
He gestured over at the guy Griffin knew only by name. He was
indeed standing at the party’s edge, looking as if he’d rather be
tortured than hit the dance floor.
“What do you say?” Griffin asked Raj. He figured it might make
him feel better to talk to someone even less social than he was.
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Daisy Harris
“Fine.” Raj lifted his jaw and ground it a little. “But then I want to
go.”
Griffin smiled and pulled him over toward Matt. It was funny, but
Griffin felt really comfortable in the mostly gay crowd. Maybe
because a lot of the guys seemed a little socially awkward, at least
compared with the partier types he knew from football. Griffin felt
like a rock star.
It was clear, though, that Raj didn’t feel the same way.
“Hey, Matt.” Griffin stepped up to him, holding out his hand.
Matt looked at it for a moment, his expression halfway between
pensive and pissed. “Do I know you?”
“I’m Griffin.” He gave Matt his best smile. Then he pulled Raj
forward. “And this is Raj. My boyfriend.”
Raj looked extremely uncomfortable as he held out his hand. But
somehow, that reluctance seemed to put Matt at ease, because Matt
shook Raj’s hand with a lot more enthusiasm than he had Griffin’s.
“Welcome to the house, Raj. Sorry I’m gonna be leaving soon.”
“NYU, huh?” Raj asked. “I hear they have a good film program.”
“Yeah.” Matt’s skin flushed. “I’m excited about it, but mostly I’m
transferring to be closer to my fiancé.”
“Really?” Raj perked up at the mention. He looked Matt over with
a lot more interest than he had before. “Is he here?”
“Not yet. He said he’d try to come up after work, but…” Matt
trailed off sadly. “Well, he may have had to stay late.”
Raj bit his lip. “So, are your parents excited about your getting
married?”
Matt shrugged, a frown etching deeper on his face. “They are
never going to accept my being gay. I’ve made peace with that.”
“Oh.” Raj released his arms to his sides, his expression shifting
from guarded to sympathetic. “Yeah, my folks are a bit like that.”
“What can you do?” Matt rolled his eyes. But then he spotted
something across the room, and a smile stretched his mouth. His eyes
Genius and the Jock
127
sparkled as he looked at an extremely good-looking man in a suit
who’d just walked in.
Matt didn’t cross to him, though. He just stayed where he was,
beaming at the guy, until the man walked over to where the three of
them were standing.
“Hey, babe,” Suit Guy said, throwing his arms around Matt. “I’ve
missed you.” He stepped slightly on tiptoe to land a kiss on Matt’s
lips.
“This is my fiancé, Brooks.” He grinned down at the guy the
whole time. Then Matt got a feral look in his eyes, and he pulled
Brooks closer. He looked over his head at Raj and Griffin. “D’you
guys mind if we go to my room?”
There could be no doubt as to what Matt and Brooks were going
to be doing in five minutes, since Brooks was already pulling off his
tie and jacket as Matt led him away.
“Huh.” Raj turned to Griff. He looked a little happier than before.
“I wouldn’t have thought—”
“That Matt would have such a hot boyfriend?”
Raj’s eyebrows lowered defensively. “You think he’s hot?”
“Geez.” Griffin pulled Raj into his arms, shuffling him toward the
dancers. The music had slowed to a quiet trance melody that they
could sway to.
After a couple seconds’ protest, Raj relaxed into Griffin’s arms,
letting Griffin rock him slowly.
The whole place smelled like sweat and men and bodies, but
Griffin breathed in the scent of Raj’s neck. He feathered his hand
through the short hair at his nape and asked in Raj’s ear, “Do you
think you want to get married like Brooks and Matt?”
Griffin didn’t want to put Raj on the spot, but he wondered what it
was about Matt that had cheered Raj up so much.
“Someday? Yeah.” Raj rested his head on Griff’s shoulder. The
music had picked up, but they kept dancing slowly, even when
everyone else around them began picking up speed. “But it was just
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nice to hear that not everyone’s parents are ready to run out and join
PFLAG the second they find out their kid’s gay.”
“Hey. It’s not like my parents are super supportive.” Griffin’s
parents appeared to be suffering in silence about Griffin being gay.
But they’d made it clear that they weren’t happy.
“I know.” Raj wrapped his arms around Griffin’s waist. “But I
feel alone sometimes. Like I don’t fit in with my family, but I won’t
ever be part of this scene either.”
“Hey.” Griffin kissed his cheek. “You’ve got me. I’ll be your
family, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember.” Raj exhaled. He went limbless in Griffin’s
arms, like he had finally come home. “I love you so much it hurts.
You know that, Griffin?”
Griffin hugged him tight, showing Raj with his body that he’d
never let go. “You better.” Griffin pressed a kiss into Raj’s hair.
“Because I’m pretty sure I can outrun you if you try to get away.”
“Oh, I’m too lazy to run very fast.” Raj laughed against his chest.
“And you may not have noticed, but I’m not very good with people.”
Griffin laughed. “So, what you’re saying is that you may as well
be mine forever?” He kissed Raj’s cheek.
“I didn’t say that.” Raj reached down to smack his ass playfully.
“Then what are you saying?” Griffin grabbed Raj’s butt, but
instead of smacking it, he ground Raj in close.
Raj gasped. He got hard against Griffin’s leg. “What was the
question again?”
Griffin smiled. “Don’t worry about it.”
With a contented growl, Raj rubbed into his groin, nuzzled his
way up Griffin’s neck. When he got to Griffin’s ear, he whispered.
“Good. Because I love you so much I can’t even think.”
“Yeah?” Griffin wove their hands together. His heart pounded so
hard it felt ready to break out of his chest. “Then I must have gotten it
right.”
Genius and the Jock
129
THE END
THEDAISYHARRIS.COM
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Birkenstock-wearing glamour girl and mother of two by
immaculate conception, Daisy Harris still isn’t sure if she writes
erotica. Her romances start out innocently enough. However, her
characters behave like complete sluts. Much to Miss Harris’s dismay
the sex tends to get completely out of hand.
She writes about fantastical creatures and about young men
getting their freak on, and she’s never missed an episode of The
Walking Dead.
For all titles by Daisy Harris, please visit
www.bookstrand.com/daisy-harris
Siren Publishing, Inc.
www.SirenPublishing.com
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