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Ten Rules for Dominants

1. Be patient! Until you enter into 1. Be patient! A potential top
a contract with a submissive, will let you know if she or he
you have no more right to order is interested in you or not.
him/her around than does anyone Keep in mind that your purpose
else. Give your bottom time to as a submissive is to serve and
get to know you and what you are to satisfy someone who will
like. Finesse and subtlety are take into consideration the
major elements of dominance. realization of your fantasies.
Similarly, strength and Don't expect your top to be
gentleness go hand in hand. The able to turn on like a light
sensitivity and awareness (or switch. The timing must be
lack thereof) that you show in right for both of you.
the real world is likely to be 2. Be humble. You may be God's or
repeated in the playroom. Goddess' gift to the world and
2. Be humble. You may be the most sought after prize in
God's/Goddess' gift to the town, but no one needs to hear
world, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You
it or wants to hear it. You will will have ample opportunity to
have ample opportunities to show show how good you are. No
how good you are - and plenty of matter what you claim, the
opportunities to make a fool of "real you" will show through in
yourself. No matter what you a scene. Don't set yourself up
claim, the "real you" will show for failure by developing
through in a scene. Don't set expectations that you know you
yourself up for a failure by and your top can never reach.
developing expectations that you 3. Be open. You can learn
know you can never reach. something about SM and about
3. Be open. Although the top is yourself from everyone into the
classically considered to be the scene, no matter how
teacher in SM, you can always experienced or inexperienced
learn from your bottom, no they are, or how dominant or
matter how inexperienced. Be submissive they are. SM is a
willing to learn from other very personal art, and an "I

dominants who may have a totally already know it all" attitude
different perspective from will make you miss valuable SM
yours. Try to approach lessons and experiences, and
by-now-familiar trips with an ignore potentially valuable SM
attitude of wonderment and friends.
discovery. Be aware that 4. Communicate! Verbalization is
everyone has her or his own necessary, but at the
personal style. appropriate time and in the
4. Communicate! You are responsible appropriate way. Your top needs
for finding out basic, essential to know basic information about
information about the people you you, such as experiences,
play with, such as experience, fantasies, health concerns, and
limits, likes and dislikes, and turn-offs. But - unless it's an
health information. Playing SM emergency - wait until your top
without this knowledge is like asks. Don't expect your
Russian roulette. Talk about dominant to be a mind-reader
your head-space and your view of who instinctively knows your
SM with your bottom, so that any needs, wants, and limits. Your
uncertainties can be dealt with cooperation will enhance the
before you start playing. scene for both of you.
Clearly spell out roles, rules, 5. Be honest. Don't be afraid to
limits, and contracts. Do not share your needs and fantasies.
take for granted that your Your dominant expects it.
bottom instinctively knows the Honesty about your wants,
ground rules. health concerns, and turn-offs
5. Be honest. If you lack is essential to a good scene.
experience in an area that your Lying or being less than candid
bottom would like to experiment can only lead to problems, as
with, be honest about it. Your the top will base the scene on
partner has a right to know inaccurate information. Besides
that. Be honest with yourself causing problems, it can be
and take your submissive only to dangerous.
those levels at which you are 6. Be vulnerable. Your scene is a
completely in control of the two-way street. It is not just
situation. Safety should always the physical realization of
be the first concern, taking your prior fantasies. If you
priority over how hot a want to limit your experience
particular scene is. to certain physical and

6. Be sensitive. There's a very psychological stimulation, then
fine line between a sensitive, contract with your top ahead of
caring dominant and a time. But don't always expect
self-righteous, insensitive your top to be a puppet in a
overbearing clod. Your scene fantasy play you've written in
should be a creative synthesis your head. It's far better to
of your needs and fantasies and let your top surprise you, to
your bottom's needs and extend your limits, to take you
fantasies. Although, on the to places you're never been
surface, your submissive is before. When you trust your top
serving you, what actually is completely, let her or him know
happening is that dominant and it, and let him or her guide
submissive are serving each you into new fantasies.
other. Earn the complete trust 7. Be realistic. Your dominant is
of your submissive and never human, and even the most
violate or even threaten to experienced tops have moments
violate that trust. His or her of awkwardness and indecision.
submission is a gift to you. Use Don't call attention to what
it appropriately. you perceive as a lapse. Know
7. Be realistic. End the scene with the difference between reality
the bottom wanting more, not and the fantasy world you see
wishing there had been less. in books and magazines. Few
Remember that power, control, tops are rich enough to afford
and sensitivity are the keys, a large dungeon with a lavish
not just the intensity of the layout of equipment. Your top's
stimulation. Be clear about what equipment is expensive -
is fantasy, and has little to do respect it and don't abuse it.
with what works in practice. 8. Be really submissive! This is
Your favorite porno picture the whole point. Let your
books may be stimulating in dominant take you over
themselves, but don't try to completely. Don't coach or
imitate them to the last detail. second guess or be critical of
8. Be really dominant! Submissives your top. Exchange information
are looking for someone who will on your special needs before
take over their body and mind, the scene starts, but once it
not just for brute strength. starts be quiet! If you insist
Real people are wanted, not just on running a scene to your own
cardboard images from cigarette specifications, then you should

ads or macho stereotypes. Your try being a top. You have
dominance enhances your whole agreed to limitations of your
existence. It does not cover up own power. Stay within those
or substitute for other areas of limitations. Respect and obey
your life - it is you. Make your your top and expect punishment
submissive fall in love with if you don't. Accept it
you, and expect him or her to gracefully and cheerfully. Your
give him/herself up to you top has many things to be
totally. Follow up on rules, concerned with, including your
expect obedience, and punish safety and what turns you on.
appropriately when it is called Be loyal and dependable and
for. Don't shirk your enjoy your role.
responsibility to your bottom or 9. Be healthy! SM, like any
to your sister/fellow tops. Be strenuous activity, requires
dependable and expect that its participants - both
dependability. You have agreed active and passive - be in top
to take the dominant role - now physical and emotional health.
take it! The amount you sleep, your
9. Be healthy! Like any strenuous eating habits, your alcohol and
activity, SM requires that its drug intake, and everyday
participants be in top physical stress affect your response and
and emotional health. Many endurance during a scene. Your
factors, including the amount dominant needs to know when
you sleep, your eating habits, your physical or emotional
and your alcohol and drug intake energy is low. No matter how
affect your performance and tempting a scene sounds, an "I
endurance during a scene. Don't want it all now" attitude when
attempt to do SM when your you aren't able to give your
physical or emotional energy is all will leave both of you
low. As a dominant you have a feeling let down. You serve
special responsibility to be in your dominant and yourself best
control of yourself and on top by staying healthy.
of the scene. An attitude of 10. Have fun! After all, sex is all
"drugs and alcohol don't affect about having a good time. You
me that much... I can do it have earned and you are
anyway" violates your entitled to the unique, intense
submissive's trust in you and pleasure which comes from
can be dangerous. If you don't responsible, creative SM play.