A Total-E-Bound Publication
www.total-e-bound.com
Sub-Culture
ISBN # 978-1-78184-201-0
©Copyright Sage Marlowe 2012
Cover Art by Posh Gosh ©Copyright December 2012
Edited by Sue Meadows
Total-E-Bound Publishing
This is a work of fiction. All characters, places and events are from the author’s imagination
and should not be confused with fact. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, events or
places is purely coincidental.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form,
whether by printing, photocopying, scanning or otherwise without the written permission of
the publisher, Total-E-Bound Publishing.
Applications should be addressed in the first instance, in writing, to Total-E-Bound
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proceedings and/or criminal prosecution.
The author and illustrator have asserted their respective rights under the Copyright Designs
and Patents Acts 1988 (as amended) to be identified as the author of this book and illustrator
of the artwork.
Published in 2012 by Total-E-Bound Publishing, Think Tank, Ruston Way, Lincoln, LN6 7FL,
United Kingdom.
Warning:
This book contains sexually explicit content which is only suitable for mature readers. This
story has a heat rating of Total-e-melting and a sexometer of 2.
This story contains 131 pages, additionally there is also a free excerpt at the end of the book
containing 7 pages.
When life gets on top, delving into a sub-culture may be just what it takes to keep a sinking
relationship afloat
Five years after the bumpy start to their relationship, Noah and Pierce have settled well into
their lives as a happy couple. The arrival of a new child should have made their matrimonial
bliss complete, but the strain of raising a baby and a teenager, combined with a lot of
pressure in their jobs, is beginning to take its toll.
In the midst of what already is a potentially explosive situation, Noah’s younger brother
Jonah comes to stay with them, forcing Noah to face the issues he still has regarding his
homophobic parents and adding to the emotional pressure he is under.
When Noah starts behaving oddly and Pierce just can’t seem to put his jealousy to rest, the
cracks in their relationship become too severe to ignore any longer. They struggle to keep
their sinking love afloat but, as Noah craves the comfort a certain sub-culture can offer,
Pierce finds himself wondering just how far he is willing to step out of his own comfort zone
to save their love.
Dedication
To what happens after the happily ever after
Trademarks Acknowledgement
The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the following
wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction:
Morrisons: Wm Morrison Supermarkets, plc
Marmite: Unilever, plc
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
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Chapter One
“Fuck, not again!” Shifting, Noah snatched the duvet under his arm, turned around and
buried his head in the pillow.
“Uh, it’s your turn, love,” Pierce reminded him, struggling a little to recall how to work
his voice, if only he wasn’t so incredibly, mind-numbingly tired. He dragged an eyelid open
and glanced at the clock on the nightstand, but only because it was there anyway, straight in
his blurry line of vision. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have bothered.
An assembly of cool, greenish dashes informed him that it was half past two. That
meant he would have three more hours of sleep until he had to get up. Noah would have
four—in theory.
“No way!” Noah’s protest was muffled by the pile of pillows and duvet he’d buried
himself under, but was nonetheless vehement. “It was my turn last night already.”
“Sorry,” Pierce mumbled, half apologetic, half relieved and completely anaesthetised
with fatigue. “That was the night before last.”
“Fuck.” He felt the mattress bounce as Noah sat up. There was a noisy inhalation of
breath—Noah yawning. “Shouldn’t he be able to make it through the night without another
feed by now anyway?”
Right on cue, another long, heartbreaking and ear-splitting wail sliced through what
was left of the night’s peace and quiet.
“Try telling him that,” Pierce retorted.
“Pheebs stopped needing night feeds—”
“When she was six months old. I know. But Phinneas just isn’t Phoebe. He is who he is
and he happens to need his milk at night so we have to give it to him. You have to give it to
him.”
“Yeah, right,” Noah grunted but pushed to his feet. “Coming,” he grumbled on the way
out into the hall, then, seconds later, his voice sounded much gentler as he said, “Well, hello,
you little sleepless gremlin. Got the munchies again, haven’t you?” More words followed,
but they were too low for Pierce to make them out. Knowing Noah, it was a mix of sweet
little nothings and good-humoured insults, which was his usual way of dealing with the
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
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baby whenever he was overtired and needed to vent some of the resulting grumpiness. Noah
would never allow himself to let the fiery side of his temper show around either of their two
children. It was what made him a wonderful dad—part of it, anyway. He was patient,
generous, funny… Pierce found it increasingly hard to focus on the noises Noah was making
in the kitchen while he was preparing the baby’s bottle.
No, they weren’t in the kitchen any longer. Already, Noah’s light-hearted chatter was
growing louder as he approached their door on the way back to Baby Phin’s bedroom.
Listening to the soothing, familiar tone of Noah’s voice, Pierce let the sweet melody of the
faint accent in it lull him back to sleep.
The peace didn’t last long. Thirty minutes, according to the cool, greenish dashes on the
alarm clock. The mattress bounced again but, instead of Noah’s six foot tall, hard-muscled
body, something—or rather someone—significantly smaller, and also a lot bonier, crept into
Pierce’s bed. A tiny, but pointed elbow hit him in the ribs with an accuracy that would have
made a professional wrestler proud.
“Fu—Phoebe!” Pierce gasped as the air left his lungs a lot faster than he’d intended it
to. “What are you doing here?” He rubbed the spot just left of his sternum. It was going to
turn into a nasty bruise.
“Phin woke me up,” Phoebe complained.
“That’s no reason to be out of bed at this time,” Pierce pointed out.
“But I can’t sleep.”
“No, of course you can’t sleep when you’re walking around and— Oi!”
Occupying the space Noah had deserted only half an hour ago, Phoebe had snatched
the duvet in a very good imitation of her father. Just like he had earlier, she turned around,
buried her head in his pillow and started snoring. So much for not being able to sleep.
Pierce knew he should move her, but the notion of getting out of his warm, almost
comfortable nest was more than he could face. Besides, his own limbs felt like lead. How he
was supposed to move with the added weight of a twelve-year-old if even his own body was
too heavy for him to drag out of bed was beyond him. He was still contemplating whether or
not he should try to carry her back into her own bed or simply ignore the late-night visitor
and go back to sleep when Noah returned. Another half-hour had passed, as the numbers on
the alarm clock pointed out.
“Taken,” Pierce warned and indicated Noah’s side of the bed.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
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“Fan-fucking-tastic!” Hovering in front of the bed, Noah glared down at his sleeping
child. “Why didn’t you tell her to go back to her own room?”
“Couldn’t. By the time I realised what was happening, she was already rolled into that
duvet, tight as a tick. What was up with Phin? You’ve been gone quite long.”
“I know.” Noah let out an exasperated sigh. Or maybe it was just another yawn. “I had
to change him after I fed him, then he was awake and wanted to play, puked on himself, so I
had to change his clothes again—the usual.” He watched Phoebe for another moment, then
he murmured, “What do you think I should do about her now?”
It said a lot about the state of exhaustion he was in that he had asked Pierce for
directions. Once upon a time, he would have fought Pierce for the lead every step of the way.
Now, although he had mellowed, he was still quick to decide for himself and didn’t often ask
for advice—especially not when it had something to do with their children and, above all,
Phoebe, his biological child.
“Carry her back?” Pierce suggested. He knew he ought to be more helpful, really, but
he was just so bloody bushed…
Noah chewed his bottom lip. “I’m not sure. Maybe she needs the, uh, affirmation and
the contact with us. She’s been trying to sneak into our room quite often for a while now,
hasn’t she?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Do you believe that it has something to do with the baby? Could it be that she feels
neglected and is jealous of all the attention we’re giving him?”
“I’m not sure,” Pierce answered. Seriously, a quarter to four in the morning was not an
awesome time to discuss parental issues, contrary to what Noah seemed to think. But that
was the thing with Noah. Once he was fully awake, he stayed that way for a while. Even if it
was the middle of the night and he had only about three hours of sleep left before getting up.
Three hours for Noah, which meant two hours for Pierce. “I haven’t thought about it yet, to
be honest,” Pierce added when it became clear that Noah was not going to settle with the
short answer. “It sounds as if that’s what you think, though.”
“The thought has occurred to me. She seems to have become a lot smoochier since he’s
around, too. Remember how she used to act all grown up and independent a couple of
months ago?” Finally sitting down on the side of the bed, next to Phoebe, he reached out and
stroked her hair.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
9
“Look at my baby. She is all grown up and independent already, isn’t she?” he
whispered.
“Noah, love?”
“Huh?”
“I really don’t mean to spoil what seems to be a moment of immense paternal bliss, but
could you please take Pheebs back to her own room now and come to bed?”
Noah jerked his head up in surprise. His eyes glittered in the dim light that fell in from
the street lamp outside as he stared at Pierce, but if Pierce’s unkind words had hurt him, he
wasn’t letting on. That was another thing with Noah. If something upset him, he rarely let it
show.
Pierce tried to sound apologetic. “Sorry, love. I’m dead beat and I’d like to get just a few
hours of sleep in before I have to be up and get her ready for school and myself for work.”
“Whatever.” Noah got up again and, bending down, tucked his arms under Phoebe’s
sleep-dead body. He managed to lift her up easily enough, but Pierce didn’t miss him
swaying under her weight as he carried her to the door. Not much longer now and Noah
wouldn’t be able to carry her around like that anymore. Already, it was no mean feat to lift a
twelve-year-old girl, even though the girl in question was still of a rather short and slender
build for her age. She had always been a small and sickly child, which was the side effect of
having been born with a congenital heart defect. A high-risk operation had saved her before
it could have become fatal, but, previous to that, the omnipresent threat of a heart failure had
made her a constant source of worry to poor Noah. He had raised her on his own and, in
spite of all the trouble she’d caused him, Noah adored his daughter.
There had been a time, and sometimes there still was, when Pierce wondered who came
first on Noah’s list of priorities. He had never asked the question out loud, though. He had
accepted that Phoebe was the most important person in Noah’s life long ago. Now, over five
years into a stable and mostly happy relationship, he was relatively confident that Phoebe
and he both came first—on different lists. And ever since the arrival of Baby Phinneas, the
biological child Pierce had given up hope ever to have, he could relate to Noah’s
protectiveness. Now more than ever, Pierce valued the features of a devoted father in his
lover.
Not just lover, he thought and nudged the ring on his third finger. Husband. Legalised,
official life-partner. Noah Conway-Hollister, the stubborn, Irish hothead who had stolen his
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
10
heart and had put him through hell right before making him the happiest man on earth by
marrying him.
Pierce was only faintly aware of Noah slipping back into bed behind him and snuggling
up close. He thought he felt a hard bulge press against his butt cheek, but wasn’t sure. Even
if it was what he thought it was—and, given Noah’s high sex drive, he had a pretty good
idea of what it was—he just…couldn’t. Not in the middle of the night, not when he’d got up
at five the previous morning to keep the baby entertained before leaving for a full working
day. Not even when he could feel Noah flex his hips in that unmistakable way, rubbing
himself on the curve of Pierce’s arse. Not even when he could feel the brush of Noah’s fingers
on his ribs as he sneaked one curious hand under the duvet, trailed Pierce’s stomach and
headed south.
Not finding it in him to respond the way he wanted to—the way he knew he was
supposed to—Pierce hoped that, if he ignored the hand, it would just go away.
Noah continued stroking him for a few guilt-filled moments, then his movements
slowed down and the pressure of his touch eased off. He admitted defeat with a resigned
sigh and, turning around, very obviously pretended to buy Pierce’s faked state of deep
slumber.
* * * *
When it became obvious that the alarm clock wouldn’t abort its mission of its own
accord, Pierce slung his arm across the bed to switch it off. Not even six o’clock yet. As
always, it was way too early to get up. Pulling back his hand, he realised that there was an
unusual amount of unoccupied space next to him—although, on second thought, that wasn’t
all that unusual. Not anymore.
Just one year ago, there had been very little that could have kept him and Noah from
spending the night together, the entire night. Sure, there had been some occasions, like Pierce
being away on a conference or Noah’s regular nights out with his best mate, Shae. Apart
from that, they had been nearly inseparable, at least until the arrival of Baby Phin. Nowadays
they worked around the baby’s needs in shifts. One took the night shift while the other was
on duty in the morning. Sometimes the lines went a bit blurry when Phinneas woke up at an
hour that made it hard to define whether it was still night or morning already. Those were
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
11
the times that, more often than not, Noah took over. Years of sole responsibility for a child
had left him a light sleeper who would wake up at the faintest sound from Phin, unlike
Pierce, who slept like the dead and actually had to rely on Noah to wake him up and send
him on his way to Phin whenever he was on night shift.
Pierce crawled out of bed and searched for something to put on over his boxers. There
had been a time when his morning gown could have been found hung up next to the door,
ready to be grabbed.
These days, more often than not it could be found wrapped around Noah’s body—not
that it didn’t look very nice on him, but it didn’t do much to keep Pierce warm or, more
importantly, secure his privacy.
He settled for nicking one of Noah’s shirts. The one Noah had worn the day before and
had discarded carelessly as usual, which meant that it was hanging over the side of the
laundry basket. At least it smelt nice, Pierce noticed as he took a tentative sniff.
Noah’s scent, cold and a little stale now, not quite the way it was when Pierce could
inhale it right from the source. And yet it was undeniably Noah.
Pierce’s groin tingled in a response born of having grown accustomed to giving in to
desire over the years. Rejecting Noah last night had been a mistake, he realised as he shuffled
to their oversized walk-in wardrobe to select his clothes for the day.
At the spur of the moment, he turned to the left. Noah’s side. Ignoring the rows of shirts
and assortment of trousers, he went to the end of the shelf—the section where Noah kept the
more interesting garments.
He reached out to touch the first item, delighted when he recognised an old favourite,
Noah’s leather vest. Made of soft black suede and tailored to fit, it showed off Noah’s
handsome body to perfection. It was a shame he hadn’t worn it for so long.
Pierce moved on to the next piece—a pair of leather trousers. Black, like all of Noah’s
leather, and not exactly new, but quite appealing to the touch. They had been worn so often
they now felt as smooth as skin.
He trailed his fingers along the heavy, silver-studded belt, recalling how it looked when
it encircled Noah’s waist. The trousers were cut to sit so indecently low on his hips that they
had caused him trouble walking on more than one occasion. On every occasion they’d gone
home excited to the point where they had barely made it through the door.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
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Pierce tried to think about the last time that had happened. It must have been before
Phin’s birth, that much was clear. Over a year ago. So long. Too long. The memories were
fading so fast and he couldn’t seem to remember what they had done that night and what it
had been like.
His body had less difficulty remembering. Or maybe it just wasn’t attempting to recall
any exact memories but was happy to settle for the more basic elements.
Elements like the sight of the promising bulge at Noah’s groin or the way his bright
blue eyes glazed over when he was aroused. Like the feel of his bare skin under Pierce’s
hands, slippery with sweat. That distinct roughness in his voice when he would groan
Pierce’s name in those sweet, frantic seconds right before he was done.
The low groan that interrupted the silence wasn’t Noah’s. Pierce was a little
embarrassed at the sound he’d made, but he was alone, so there was nothing to worry about.
No, no worries. Especially not since he had more urgent matters at hand. Unsurprisingly, just
thinking about sex with Noah had got him hard and burning with need in a matter of
seconds.
He’d have to be very quick, and while that wasn’t at all what he really wanted, using
his hand would at least help him get into a condition that would allow him to join the others
for breakfast.
Leaning back, he rested his shoulders against the wall of the wardrobe, careful to avoid
the mirror. Sending that crashing down on the floor would certainly spoil the moment. He
hesitated for a second and gave his overeager erection a comforting rub through the thin
fabric of his boxers.
Jerking off alone in the morning was a sad thing to do as it was, but with someone who
was as sinfully sexy and always willing as Noah within calling distance, it was close to
pathetic. And Noah had wanted him last night, in those magical moments between slumber
and wakefulness, when once upon a time their lovemaking would have been slow, sweet and
intense. A bitter sting of guilt throbbed in Pierce’s heart. Noah had wanted him last night,
and he must have recognised Pierce’s reaction as the rejection it had been. Of course he
would have been disappointed but there was no way to change that now. Pierce pushed the
thought from his mind and the waistband of his underwear out of the way. He needed this,
now, and he’d just have to make it up to Noah. His cock virtually leapt into his hand, as if
relieved to be released from the prison it was confined to so often lately.
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13
He closed his fingers around it, stroked down the shaft once, then back up. It felt good,
so good. He repeated the motion with slow but tight pressure. A deliberate tease, and almost
the way Noah would do it—the way he would have done it if he was there.
The next long down stroke sent a jolt of heat through Pierce’s groin. It left a warm,
electric tingle inside him. This was good. So fucking good, and it made him realise how much
he was missing their earlier, easy life. It made him realise how much he was missing Noah.
Beautiful, naughty Noah with his supple body and wicked mind. Pierce longed for him with
an almost dizzying intensity. He wanted Noah to be there. He wanted Noah’s luscious lips
wrapped around his cock and to plough into the moist cave of his mouth while watching
those mischievous eyes peer up at him.
“Oh, fuck!” Pierce was barely aware of his own harsh groan. He was so close, but it just
wasn’t what he wanted. It was all wrong, and he knew it wasn’t going to bring him the
satisfaction he craved.
Stubborn now, he rubbed his cock harder and faster in an urgent attempt to wring the
orgasm from it that it was reluctant to deliver.
“Pierce, baby, have you seen—” Noah stopped dead in his tracks as he walked through
the door. The look of surprise on his face quickly turned into something else as he was taking
in the scene in front of him.
“My, my,” he purred with a feral smile. “Seems you’re having a happy start to the day,
baby.”
“Shut up and get on your knees,” Pierce growled in a voice he hardly recognised as his
own. There was a playful expression on Noah’s face and, for a few overexcited heartbeats,
Pierce thought he was going to make him wait. But then, seemingly picking up on Pierce’s
state of near-despair, Noah covered the space between them in two long strides and dropped
to his knees in front of Pierce.
“Oh, fuck, baby,” he muttered. “You look so fucking hot.”
He didn’t waste any more time on words. Leaning in, he opened his mouth and let
Pierce slide his hard cock inside. The sudden wet heat was almost too much to bear, but,
overexcited though Pierce was, the pressure of Noah’s knowing fingers right at the base of
his shaft was enough to hold him back.
“Not yet,” Noah murmured as he pulled off and rested his lips against the fat, swollen
head of Pierce’s erection. The movement sent a fresh jolt of electricity through Pierce, from
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
14
the tip of his aching cock through his balls to that place in his groin and all the way on,
burning up his spine.
His hips flexed, almost of their own accord. He couldn’t remember having given the
order, but it was what he needed. He craved more of Noah’s delicious heat, wanted the
suction he knew Noah could apply so well. When it came, he screamed in delight, forgetting
to keep quiet.
Noah glanced up, a hint of reproach in his mischievous blue eyes, but he didn’t seem to
be seriously annoyed. Opening his mouth a bit, he let Pierce catch a glimpse of his wet pink
tongue dancing over the darker purple shade of the sensitive skin he was licking. He was
putting himself on display, allowing Pierce to watch as he caressed his flesh in various well-
practiced techniques.
Seeing Noah like this was almost as much of a turn-on as feeling his skilful tongue and
soft lips. Pierce couldn’t tell what brought him over the edge in the end. At least this time he
remembered to stifle the holler that wanted out.
Noah made a weak little choked sound as Pierce pumped what felt like gallons of liquid
heat down his throat, but he didn’t back off and kept the connection until Pierce was spent
and so oversensitised he could barely stand the warmth Noah’s mouth radiated around his
cock.
“Gosh, sweetheart, you know how to make a guy happy,” Pierce whispered as he
pulled Noah to his feet. Well, he held out a hand to help him get up, but it was rather Noah
steadying Pierce, whose legs had gone a bit wobbly.
“Happy to be of service,” Noah replied with a naughty grin as he tilted his head for a
kiss. Pierce could taste himself on Noah’s tongue, the sharp salt of his arousal over the faint
flavour of the coffee Noah must have had earlier.
Noah let him indulge for a moment, then reached up and tugged at the hand Pierce was
cupping his face with.
“Get down to it,” he mumbled into the kiss. The gruff order sent a weak impulse of
arousal through Pierce’s groin, but he was utterly spent. Besides, Noah was right. He
deserved some attention in return.
The poor thing was already worked up quite nicely himself. He hadn’t had time to take
off his clothes, but Pierce could easily spot the bulge filling the front of his slacks.
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“Looks like you’re a bit desperate, sweetheart,” Pierce teased as he went to his knees
and reached for Noah’s fly. Noah rolled his eyes, but dropped the act when Pierce pushed
his trousers open to release his erection. Humming his appreciation, Pierce brushed a
welcoming kiss on the head, gathering up some of the salty tears of joy it was weeping
already.
The touch drew a husky groan from Noah. He flexed his hips, just a shallow, instinctive
motion, but it was a sure enough sign that he really wasn’t in the mood to play anymore. He
was desperate, and not just a bit.
His cock looked hard to the point where it would be aching and Pierce knew him well
enough to be able to imagine how much this scenario must be appealing to his raucous
side—a quick mutual blow job, a stolen moment that belonged only to the two of them and
their sexual pleasure. Not to mention the fact that the last time they’d had sex had been well
over a week ago.
Of course, that didn’t mean that Noah hadn’t perhaps enjoyed a few private minutes of
fun in the shower, but, just like jerking off in the privacy of a wardrobe, it wasn’t the same.
Taking mercy on his distraught lover, Pierce opened his mouth and, relaxing his
muscles as best he could, took Noah’s erection in deep. It earned him a ragged moan of
delight and he pulled off to repeat the motion, knowing how much Noah adored those first
deep, measured thrusts.
Noah was close. Pierce could feel it in the hard pulsing of the shaft on his lips, could tell
by the way Noah’s breath came carefully controlled but shuddery. He wouldn’t last another
two minutes, maybe not even that long.
The next sound from Noah was a strangled, frustrated shout, brought about by Baby
Phin’s infinitely louder, reproachful wail.
“No! Fuck, no, not now!” Noah protested, but he knew he had lost. It was clear in the
frustration tinting his voice. Pierce was half willing to ignore the baby—just a few more
seconds, twenty, maybe thirty. It wouldn’t take much longer to give Noah what he needed.
He’d almost been there anyway. But, looking up, Pierce realised that it was too late. The
moment was gone and Noah’s concentration shattered. His arousal was retreating as quickly
as his pounding heart could pump the blood back to other parts of his body.
Ironically, it was Noah who overcame his daze first.
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“I’ll be right there, sweetie!” he called out, diligent father at all times. No, Noah
wouldn’t have kept the baby waiting for the sake of a brief moment of sexual bliss. Not even
if it cost him dearly.
“I’ll get him,” Pierce whispered as he pushed to his feet. “Take a few minutes if you
like. You could finish what we’ve started and—”
“It’s okay,” Noah cut across him. His voice was rough and still tight with the memory
of arousal, but the flush that had crept into his cheeks had almost disappeared. Doing up his
fly, he brushed past Pierce and pounded across the hall to rescue the wailing baby from his
playpen.
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Chapter Two
When Noah joined Pierce for lunch at their favourite little Greek restaurant a few hours
later, he was far from his normal self. Storm clouds darkened his bright blue eyes and
creased his forehead with the lines of a deep frown. Noah had left the house in a good
enough mood after the spoilt delight in the wardrobe, so, in all probability, his current
thunderous mood had nothing to do with that.
“What happened?” Pierce asked, apprehension rising when Noah dropped into his
chair.
Heaving a sigh, Noah looked up in a ‘don’t ask’ expression.
“What happened?” Pierce repeated, getting seriously concerned.
“Can we just order first? Please?”
“Noah, what—?”
Noah held up a hand. “Please,” he repeated with quiet insistence.
“Uh, okay. Any idea what you’d like yet?”
“Whatever you’re having as long as it’s nothing too fanciful.”
“I was going for a simple Greek salad with feta cheese and all the usual stuff with a side
of roasted garlic bread.”
“Lovely,” Noah said with a complete lack of enthusiasm.
“Mineral water okay for you?”
“Perfect.”
Pierce gave him until after he’d placed their order and the waiter had brought their
drinks before he took the step from asking to demanding. “What is it?”
Drumming his fingers on the table in front of him, Noah snatched a breath. “I just had
to pay Phoebe’s school a little extra-curricular visit.”
A chill ran down Pierce’s spine. “Is she okay?”
“Yes, yes.” Noah waved him off. “Apart from a few minor bruises and scratches, that is.
And a thorough ticking off when she gets home this afternoon.”
“Fuck, Noah! Now tell me what happened already!”
“She had a fight with two other girls,” Noah explained.
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“Phoebe? A fight? We are talking about our daughter here, right?”
Noah glared at him. “Of course we are, although I honestly wish we weren’t.”
“But… I can’t believe that! She’s a cheerful little thing who gets on with literally
everybody. She doesn’t even throw a strop if she doesn’t get what she wants. Did she just
somehow get drawn into it or what?”
“Hardly. Seems she was the one who started it.”
“No way! Pheebs? Starting a fight?”
“Yeah, I know. Just what I thought. But it seems to be true. She even admitted to having
landed the first punch. Or slap, or whatever girls do when they get in a cat fight.”
“Do you have any idea what it was about?”
“Oh, I have,” Noah answered in the tone of voice that said that he didn’t want to share
this piece of information.
“Care to tell me?”
“Not really.”
“Noah, what did she do?” Pierce pushed. “It doesn’t go away just because you refuse to
tell me, you know.”
Noah took a sip from his water before he answered, “Yes, I know. She— Oh, here
comes our food.”
Pierce scowled at him. “Fortunate timing, huh?”
“Absolutely.” Making a face, Noah waited for the waiter to put down their plates and
be out of hearing range before he said, “She claims those two girls had been picking on her
for quite a while and she’d just had enough and wanted it to be over and done with once and
for all.”
“Picking on her? On Phoebe?”
Noah nodded as he pushed a few chunks of tomato around his plate. Clearly there was
more that he didn’t want to say.
“What for?” Pierce asked. “I mean, she’s a lovely girl. There’s nothing about her that
would give anyone a reason to pick on her.”
“It wasn’t because of her, Pie.” Noah finally looked up. “It was because of us.”
“Because of us? Why, what… Oh. Oh. You mean…?”
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
19
“Yes. Because she’s the daughter of that pair of sick queers. Because her Daddy snogs a
guy. She refused to repeat much more than that, but apparently those remarks are far from
the worst of it.”
“Oh, fuck.” Pierce let out a heartfelt groan. When they had decided to tie the knot
officially, they had known that they might face some kind of homophobic discrimination one
day. It didn’t even have to do with being in a same-sex relationship. They had both been
openly gay long before they’d met. But that had been different.
Pierce had never had to put up with more than the occasional slightly derogative
comment, and whenever there’d been one, he’d either countered it with a laugh or just
ignored it altogether.
Coming out had been a lot harder for Noah. He’d been given hell by his ultra-
conservative family and above all his father, which had driven him to the rather desperate
attempt of forcing himself into a straight affair. Having failed miserably, he had broken off
all strings with his family and raised Phoebe—the accidental result of his fling with a
woman—on his own.
As far as Pierce knew, Noah had not met much confrontation once he’d left his family.
During his adult life, he hadn’t kept the fact that he was gay a secret as such, but he had
never been in a serious relationship and had kept his sex life strictly guarded from Phoebe.
As a consequence, he’d been having mostly one-night stands or brief, meaningless affairs
that had never made it beyond a short series of dates—and fucks. Back in those days, there
simply hadn’t been anything controversial about him, and, even if there had, Phoebe had
been too young to be confronted about it by other children. Now that had quite obviously
changed.
“It must have been awful if she felt that the only way she could respond to it was by
using violence,” Pierce said.
“It was.” Noah bit his lip, then, when Pierce raised his eyebrows, he sighed and added,
“It seems those kids came up with some very colourful expressions and know surprisingly
well what’s going on seeing as they’re only twelve years old.”
“Meaning?” Pierce prompted. He knew that having to talk about this hurt Noah. It
must be hurting him a lot, but saying it out loud would be the best way for him to deal with
it.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
20
Noah didn’t say it out loud, though. Quite the opposite. He had gone very quiet, and
probably not just because he didn’t want the people around them to overhear his words
when he said, “Meaning they told Phoebe that her Daddy sucks cock. Fucks another guy up
the arse. Takes it up the arse as well.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah—literally.”
Pierce reached out to put his hand over Noah’s. It was a gentle gesture, meant to
comfort and reassure. He tried not to take it personally when Noah yanked his hand away.
After more than five years, he knew that the only thing worse than Noah fuming with rage
was Noah going quiet with anger. It meant he was beyond knowing how to vent his fury and
all he could do was put up walls to keep himself from having to face it.
“How do you know that?”
“Huh? Oh, Mrs Hastings told me.”
“Uh-oh. You were summoned by the headmistress?”
Noah rolled his eyes. “Oh yes. And we had quite the lengthy conversation, as you
might imagine.”
“Oh, shit. I’m sorry. So Phoebe told her but not you?”
Shaking his head, Noah pushed his plate away. He’d barely even picked at his food.
“No. Phoebe refused to tell her, too. Seems Hastings twigged rather quickly what it had been
about, though, so she insisted Phoebe see the counsellor. She got it out of her, and then told
Hastings.”
“And Hastings told you,” Pierce finished.
“Yeah. She said I shouldn’t worry if Phoebe didn’t want to talk about it with me.”
Groaning, he ran his fingers through his hair. “Fuck, Pierce! She must have been putting up
with it for weeks and never let on. And I’ve been too busy to notice. She’s my little girl, and
to think that she’s had to go through this because of me…”
“Noah, love. Don’t blame yourself for this. It’s not your fault. Kids are cruel, and if they
wanted to pick on Phoebe, they would have found something else.”
“Yes, I know that!” Noah snapped. “That’s just what Hastings said, but the truth is that
I’ve made it so easy for them to find something to hurt her with. I’m her father, Pierce. She
shouldn’t know these things about me. She shouldn’t even hear them, in fact. It’s one thing
for her to see us kiss or cuddle on the sofa. I mean, of course she must have known there was
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
21
more. She’s not stupid. But she’s too young to know the details and— Not like that. She
shouldn’t have found out like that.”
Pierce exhaled a slow, determined breath. “I know. I know, love, and I’m sorry. Did you
get to talk to the counsellor? Did she give you any advice on how to deal with this?”
Noah nodded. The muscles in his jaw stood out with tension as he said, “I had a very
brief chat with her. I’ve another appointment this afternoon, plus she asked me to pick up
Pheebs after school. They wouldn’t let me take her home early, because they think it’s best if
she sticks with the routine she’s accustomed to and all that.”
“I see. Did Hastings say anything else?”
“Yeah, of course. She gave me the talk on how they are all so very open-minded at the
school and value their anti-discrimination policies. She said she’d speak to the parents of the
other children and was even thinking of addressing the topic of same-sex relationships
during lessons.”
“Oh. Well, that’s good then, isn’t it? Teach the kids some truths about life.”
“Yes. Just great,” Noah grumbled. “And use Phoebe and her fudge-packing dads as a
model family so everybody knows what they’re up to. That’s just what every parent wants
for his daughter.”
“Noah,” Pierce soothed. “Please, don’t make more of this than it is. Sure, it’s an awful
situation, but in a few days’ time no one will even remember it. The other kids will find
something else to occupy their evil little minds with, and Phoebe is strong. She can handle
that and will be fine. You know she’s never had a problem with us—with her family being
the way it is—and if she feels that she has to defend her daddies, then, well, basically that’s a
good sign, isn’t it?”
Pulling a face, Noah shook his head, but there was the hint of a smile tugging at his
eyes. “You know, at moments like this, it’s easy to believe that you are Francis’ brother after
all.”
“Ah, well.” Pierce smirked. “All those hours spent in his presence must be good for
something. Now finish your salad. I’ll order us a big, fat, indecent chocolate pudding for
dessert and, by the time you get home tonight, everything will look a lot brighter already.”
Leaning in a little, he dropped his voice. “If you want, we could pack some fudge.”
Noah glared at him. “Not funny.”
“No.” Pierce shrugged. “But you’ll enjoy it nonetheless. I’ll see to that.”
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
22
* * * *
By the time Noah came home in the evening, he had calmed down. He had a sheepish-
looking Phoebe in tow, who disappeared into her room after a quick hello to Pierce.
“How was it?” Pierce enquired.
“Uh, not too bad, actually.” Noah sighed. He accepted the wine glass Pierce handed
him with an appreciative look. “I took her to her favourite greasy food place and we had a
rather long, rather intense father-daughter talk.”
“Ooh, poor baby,” Pierce cooed and, wrapping his arms around Noah’s neck, pulled
him in for a long, gentle kiss. It was what he’d been longing to do all day, ever since Noah
had left him at the restaurant with a brief goodbye peck on the cheek. This time, much to
Pierce’s relief, Noah responded with his usual eagerness. He pressed himself close to Pierce,
chest against chest, his arms firmly encircling Pierce’s sides. Not before long, Noah trailed his
hands downwards, cupping Pierce’s arse and stroking and kneading as their kiss deepened.
“What, uh, how did she take it?” Pierce asked, a little out of breath, when Noah pulled
back to release him.
“Oh, she basically said that she’d known what gay men were up to behind closed doors
for quite some time but, since we hadn’t seemed willing to talk about it, she’d thought there
was no need to. Her main reason for having it out with those other kids was that she found
their insults disgraceful and didn’t want to put up with them discriminating against gay
people any longer. Apparently she figured that, if she had a proper fight with them, it would
cause a lot more fuss than if she’d simply complained about being bullied.”
“What?” Pierce asked, flabbergasted. “She did that on purpose just to bring the issue to
her school admin’s attention?”
“Yep.” Noah nodded, looking almost amused now. “She wanted to force the powers
that be to react in a more public way. Who would have thought we’re raising such a little gay
rights activist?”
“Oh dear.” Pierce sighed. “And she’s only twelve years old. If she keeps going at that
pace, she’ll have abolished all totalitarian regimes by the time she’s sixteen and established
worldwide peace at twenty.”
“Yeah, probably.” Noah grinned. “But you know what that means, right?”
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
23
“What what means?”
“Her knowing what gay men are up to behind closed doors.”
“Um… Why don’t you tell me?” Pierce was having a little trouble catching up with
Noah’s sudden change to a much better, playful mood.
“Well…” Noah moved his hands, which he had never quite taken away from Pierce’s
hips, up a bit and tugged at his shirt buttons. “It means that we no longer have to keep the
fact that there is something going on behind closed doors a secret. Which reminds me…” He
trailed off again and, much to Pierce’s disappointment, went to the door. Locking it with a
mischievous smile on his face, he turned to look at Pierce.
“You know, there is something I’ve been meaning to do for an awfully long time,” he
said as he made his way back to Pierce with measured steps.
“Oh. Is there?” Pierce gulped, suddenly nervous. Between their demanding jobs and
looking after the baby, they hadn’t had much time for sex lately—nothing beyond a frantic
fumble to take off the edge. Not to mention sex that was adventurous. Or fulfilling. The
awkward incident in the wardrobe that morning had been sad proof of that. Even his
comment at the restaurant had been born at the spur of the moment. He hadn’t expected
Noah to take him up on it. Or, more precisely, he hadn’t expected Noah to get the chance to
take him up on it.
“Yes. There is,” Noah said with a sexy rasp in his voice.
“What’s that?”
“I want to have you here. In the kitchen,” Noah whispered. “I want to take your clothes
off. Like this.” Suddenly his hands were back on Pierce’s shirt, but there was no more
playfulness in his motions as he undid the buttons and pushed it open and back over Pierce’s
shoulders.
“I want to touch you.” Pierce felt the long, nimble fingers wander over his chest. Noah
trailed his collarbones with his thumbs before he changed the direction and moved his hands
lower. He had Pierce’s belt open in less than a second. The fly followed and Noah didn’t
waste any time as he pushed Pierce’s trousers down to his feet along with his underwear.
Pierce shuddered. It was a reaction partly owed to the exposure to cool air but mostly to the
immense, white-hot arousal that flooded his body with the overwhelming power and
inescapability of a tidal wave.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
24
He was hard. The speed at which the blood had filled his erection made it a near
painful experience.
“I want to kiss you.” Noah lowered his head and brushed his lips over the swollen head
of Pierce’s cock. “Taste you.” He dipped the tip of his tongue into the tiny slit, pushing in
cautiously but taunting Pierce with the suggestion of the impossible.
Pierce looked down to watch. His pre-cum glistened in a clear, gel-like string from the
purplish crown of his shaft to the pink skin of Noah’s mouth.
“Oh, fuck.” Sex in the kitchen? They hadn’t done that in…ages. Just… Why not?
“What about Phin?” Pierce asked, hearing his own voice deep and rough with the
arousal in it.
“He’s asleep, remember?” Noah answered in between flicking his tongue out to lick off
the jelly droplets. The sight sent a fresh flash of need straight to Pierce’s groin.
“Yes, but… What if he wakes up? I’m not sure we’d even hear him and—”
“He’s okay, baby. Pheebs promised to look after him if he should wake up, which, in all
probability, he won’t. Now stop worrying and get that sweet arse of yours on the table.”
Pierce’s breath hitched. “On the…table?” He shook with anticipation.
“Yes. On the table,” Noah confirmed. “On your back, legs up.” He smiled. “Let me see
you.”
“Oh, fuck, Noah,” Pierce moaned but did as Noah had asked him and went to their big,
solid kitchen table. “What’s got into you?”
“Nothing. And I’m not planning on anything getting into me, either, baby. I am,
however, planning on getting something into you.”
“I wonder what that could be.”
“First, my tongue,” Noah said as he approached Pierce. Pushing Pierce back, he made
him lie on the table. The cool, hard surface was not altogether agreeable, but the dark look of
arousal on Noah’s face more than compensated Pierce for the slight discomfort. He felt
Noah’s hands on his thighs, running along the insides from his knees to the sensitive crease
where his legs met his body. They lingered, then there was the touch of gentle fingertips that
caressed his skin, but, already, Noah was delving farther. Using his thumbs to follow the
outline of Pierce’s sac to that sweet patch of flesh below it, he found his cleft and parted his
buttocks, exposing his most intimate area to the cool air and Noah’s even cooler blue gaze.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
25
Noah looked at him and he was making no secret of it. This was definitely not a moment to
feel self-conscious.
“Gosh, you are so beautiful,” Noah murmured. His voice caught and he had to clear his
throat before he could speak again. “I’ve wanted to have you like this for so long. All laid out
and ready for me to take.”
“Fuck, Noah, stop talking and get on with it,” Pierce choked out. It was a bit awkward
to lie there like this, but far more uncomfortable than his position was the immense arousal
tingling inside him. He wanted more and couldn’t wait to have it. Had the choice been his,
he would’ve opted for a fast, hard fuck. He wanted to feel Noah inside him, wanted Noah’s
hard, generously-sized cock to fill him and stroke every secret, hidden inch in there. But
Noah seemed to have other plans for him.
“Nn-nn,” he hummed. “I want to taste you some more.”
Leaning down at last, he licked the same path his thumbs had taken earlier, from
Pierce’s balls to that secret little opening. He played and pushed, building a pressure that
was almost, but not quite strong enough to breach the tight entrance. It was exquisite. Orally
fixated as Noah was, he took his time teasing and licking, alternating the motions with
careful nibbles and he even somehow managed to suckle at the puckered skin. He kept going
until Pierce thought he could come from nothing more than the sensations Noah created with
his tongue. When it breached him, ever so gently and yet determinedly, he was close to
screaming in frustration. Well, he did scream a bit.
“Fuck me, Noah, please, fuck me!” he begged. He sounded close to sobbing, but it was
just too good. He was tingling all over, burning with the need to have all those overexcited
nerve endings satisfied the way they wanted, needed, to be.
Noah took mercy on him. There was an unconcealed look of affection on his face as he
straightened up and closed the gap that separated him from the edge of the table. He was
fully erect too, probably had been all the time. Pierce had never even noticed him lose his
clothes, but there he was, stark naked and as beautiful as ever.
“Please,” Pierce groaned. The sight of the handsome, rock-hard cock in Noah’s left hand
filled him with a new gush of anticipation and sheer lust.
“Shh, baby, shh,” Noah answered in a rough voice. “I know you want it, but I’ll have to
take it slowly, okay? You’re not quite as ready for me as you ought to be.”
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
26
“I don’t care!” Pierce protested. “I want you. Just fuck me. I don’t care if it hurts, just
please, make it fast!”
“Oh, fuck.” Noah sighed but gave in to Pierce’s frantic pleading. He still pushed in
carefully and even forced himself to wait for a few seconds. Judging from the frown of
concentration on his face, he was checking Pierce’s expression for signs of discomfort. When
he found the confirmation he must have been looking for, he gave a slow, deep thrust.
Pierce’s insides felt like they were on fire. Of course it stung, just like he had known it would.
But it felt good, so incredibly good at the same time. The burn only intensified the sensation
and made the silk-covered steel rod Noah shoved into him appear even larger than it was.
A pitiful sound filled the room and it took Pierce a moment to understand that he was
the one making it. Noah answered with a low, husky chuckle and, at last, started fucking
Pierce the way he’d yearned for it all along. With Pierce’s legs up and spread to rest on
Noah’s shoulders, there was no barrier between them. The position allowed Noah to slam in
even the very last fragment of an inch as he had Pierce very nearly folded. And he made the
most of it as he ploughed into Pierce’s body over and over again, hitting the hot spot on
every other down stroke.
There was no way Pierce could make himself last for more than a few minutes. His
arousal had been burning too brightly for too long already to keep the flames from taking
over, but at least he managed to cling on until he felt Noah getting close, too. He waited until
he could feel Noah’s so far flawless rhythm falter, then stopped trying to hold back. Stars
exploded behind his eyes and every single nerve that had been aching for fulfilment yelled
its pleasure inside him. He was barely aware of Noah kissing him and swallowing the
screams that would have doubtlessly made it beyond the closed door.
Panting, Pierce slowly came back down. His legs were still hooked over Noah’s
shoulders, their skin glued together wherever it touched. His back ached from the hard table
top that had almost certainly left a few bruises, but Pierce didn’t mind. He couldn’t
remember having been this blissfully satisfied and fucked-out in a very long time. Looking
up at Noah and taking in the flushed, but slightly tense face, he knew it hadn’t been quite as
fulfilling for him. Once again Noah had catered to Pierce’s pleasure rather than pursuing his
own.
They shared a tender, but rather brief kiss. Noah chuckled, a little embarrassed when
his softening cock made a somewhat abrupt retreat.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
27
“Not the best position for a post-coital cuddle,” he observed as he reached for the
napkins on the kitchen counter. He handed Pierce some while keeping a few to wipe himself
down. There was a cute, sheepish frown on his face as he looked at the floor and said, “Well,
I guess we have a bit of cleaning up to do.”
“So what?” Pierce sighed, still feeling very sinful and relaxed. “It was worth it. Hell, I’d
be willing to spend an hour on my knees putting in some hard work on the floor for a
treatment like that.”
“Now that’s an idea.” Noah waggled his eyebrows as he pulled up his trousers.
“What? Me scrubbing the floor?”
“No. You on your knees and putting in some hard work. Or, rather, some hard dick.”
He leaned in for a quick kiss. “But I think we’ll have to save that for some time later. I don’t
think I’ll get it up so soon again.”
Pierce let out a disbelieving snort. “You not getting it up? That would be a first. You’ve
got the recovery span of a rabbit—and the sexual appetite to match.”
“Ha ha.” Noah smirked and handed Pierce his shirt. “Is that a complaint?”
“Not at all, my love.” Pierce turned serious as he realised just how true his words were.
“I’m just a bit worried sometimes that you’re not getting quite as much as you want, you
know,” he said, doing up his buttons. “Not as much as you used to, anyway.”
Noah gave a shrug. “That just comes with having a baby, I guess. It’s nothing new to
me and nothing I hadn’t been expecting. Besides, I am getting older, too, don’t forget that.
Not much longer now and you’ll be lucky if I can shag you like that once in a blue moon.”
Pierce chuckled. “Oh, I don’t think so. Besides, you’ve got some very neat techniques
there using other parts of your body. I’m sure I could settle for that if ever I should find your
best assets, um, unsatisfactory.”
“Unsatisfactory?” Noah echoed in mock-indignation. “What am I? A walking sex toy?”
“Ooh, yeah. I like that idea.” Standing in front of Noah, Pierce grabbed him by the belt
and pulled him close. “My very own, personal sex toy. I could put a leash on you, walk you
around and have you service me whenever I want to. Or fuck you senseless whenever I feel
like it. What do you think of that?”
Noah’s breath hitched. Pierce knew that, being rather dominant both mentally and
sexually, Noah wasn’t exactly predisposed to let himself be used as a toy. And yet, Pierce’s
words seemed to be appealing to him on some level.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
28
“It, uh, sounds like something we should do at the club, if ever at all,” he said after a
moment. There was a catch in his voice, a distinct roughness that hadn’t been there seconds
before, so it could not be the after-effect of the sex they’d just had. Interesting. It had been a
long time since Pierce had had a chance to put a leash on Noah, and even then it had been
more of an accessory than a statement. They both had their kinks, but the experiences he’d
made in the scene years ago had left Noah emotionally bruised and terrified, so now he
would slam on the brakes sooner rather than later.
“Hmm. Maybe it would help Phoebe with her gay lifestyle awareness project if I
walked you around the school yard in a full leather outfit. We could even get Francis to do
an open door day at the club. Wouldn’t that be an idea?”
Noah groaned but he didn’t look sincerely put out. “It’s good that you can joke about
it,” he said and picked up the glass he’d abandoned at some point before he’d ravished
Pierce.
“Oh, come on,” Pierce teased. “The thought does hold a certain appeal, doesn’t it?
Think about the, uh, special features on some of the fetish clothes.”
There was a peculiar gleam in Noah’s eyes as he nodded but he never got round to
giving an answer. He exhaled his breath in a sigh when a hesitant knock on the door,
followed by Phoebe’s bored voice, put an end to their undisturbed playtime.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
29
Chapter Three
“Yeah?” Noah’s voice was harsh and unwelcoming enough to have shocked any other
caller into silence. Knowing him well, Pierce could recognise that the aggression in it was
stress, not hostility, but it hurt nonetheless. There was nothing left of the relaxed intimacy
they’d shared less than twenty-four hours earlier.
It was the day Noah would finish work early to fit in some household chores before he
had the evening off and Pierce took over. Pierce could easily picture Noah doing the weekly
grocery shopping. In all probability, the poor man was just wrestling with the usual
overloaded shopping trolley while juggling a complaining Baby Phin on his hip. Yes, right.
Phin was making his protest known in the background.
“Um, sorry to bother you, sweetheart,” Pierce apologised, but he got straight to the
point. Noah hated people tiptoeing around when he was in a hurry. “I wouldn’t have called,
but something’s come up at my end and I’m afraid I need you here for an hour or two.”
He could hear Noah’s temper flare up in the sharp intake of breath at the other end.
“Fuck, Pierce,” Noah groaned. “I’m in the middle of sodding Morrisons, and I’m
meeting Shae at eight. Can’t—”
“I know you’re running errands and this is your evening off, love, but this is an
emergency,” Pierce interrupted him. No point letting Noah’s irritation gain momentum.
“What about Phin? I’ve already picked him up from day nursery and, besides, they
close in half an hour anyway, so I can’t take him back there now.”
“Bring him along. I’ll probably still be in a meeting, but Alyson will look after him.”
“Your secretary?” Noah sounded far from enthusiastic.
“She adores him,” Pierce pointed out, relieved when Noah for once caved in without
any of his usual concerns about leaving Phin with Alyson. Kind-hearted and sweet though
she was, she was inexperienced when it came to small children. Of course, that didn’t make
her fit to be left alone with an eleven-month-old in Noah’s overprotective eyes.
“Fine. I’ll be there in half an hour.”
It was certainly an advantage for Pierce that his husband was also his company’s IT
administrator and thus usually available when needed. It was also an immense disadvantage
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
30
to share a home with the man he had to order in to work on the day he was allowed some
much-needed alone time.
Pierce let out a sigh. He knew he was being a coward, but he was glad that he would be
safe in his meeting and wouldn’t have to see Noah when he came back in to fix the computer
system failure at work. Seeing him at home in the evening would be bad enough.
* * * *
Seeing Noah at home in the evening was about as bad as it got. They had met briefly in
Pierce’s office during the day, after all. Looking exhausted and pissed off, Noah had
explained that he would have to stay for much longer than expected, announcing that it
would take him an indefinite time to sort out the problem. At least making him come in by
calling it an emergency hadn’t been an exaggeration on Pierce’s side. One of the main servers
had decided to just exhale its last breath in a puff of smoke and burnt plastic.
It was nothing Noah could have seen coming—or could have prevented, even if he had
seen it coming—but that didn’t stop him from blaming himself. It didn’t help that the parts
he needed to fix the server were nowhere to be found, although he knew he had ordered
them weeks ago, just to be on the safe side.
When Pierce had left the office at half past five to take a tired and overexcited Phinneas
home, Noah had just returned from picking up the spare parts from a shop at the other end
of the city. His eyebrows had been knitted together in a deep, angry frown as he had barked
into his mobile phone. He had appeared to have been in another one of a series of long and
increasingly heated phone calls with the supplier. Grateful for the excuse of having to take
the baby home, Pierce had seized the opportunity and had left.
The only warning Pierce got of the approaching storm was the slamming of the front
door at just before eight. It was a bad and rare sign if Noah couldn’t even be bothered to keep
his temper in check for the sake of a sleeping baby.
Fortunately Phin didn’t mind. He slept soundly and didn’t complain about the loud
bang.
Pierce did mind, though, and he complained. “Can you keep it down, please?” he asked
with forced calm.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
31
“Sorry. I’m in a hurry,” Noah snapped. Scowling, he stomped past Pierce and dropped
his jacket on the nearest piece of furniture. The jacket was the heavy leather one with the
hammered silver buckle and attachments. The piece of furniture was Pierce’s beloved,
antique chair. The one he’d inherited from his grandfather and that was worth a small
fortune, should he wish to sell it.
As it was, it was worth far more to him than the amount of money a passionate collector
would be willing to pay for it. Noah knew that only too well, of course. After all, he had been
the one who had tracked down the only person capable of restoring it to its original state. It
had been his present to Pierce for their first anniversary.
But at that moment, Noah obviously chose not to remember any of this. Or maybe he
really didn’t remember, which was the option Pierce chose to believe. Either way, Pierce
might be just about able to let the matter of the chair slip, but not that of disturbing the baby.
“You can hurry and still be quiet,” he pointed out. “Only it took me about half an hour
to settle Phinneas, and I’d hate for him to wake up again just because his daddy had a bad
day at work.”
Passing Pierce again on the way across the hall and dropping clothes in his wake, Noah
snarled, “Yeah, well, his daddy might not have had quite such a crap day if he didn’t have to
put up with incompetent buggers courtesy of his father.”
Another door slammed shut behind Noah. This time it was the one to the bathroom.
Hovering in front of it, Pierce counted to ten about five times to keep himself from
going in after Noah. It wasn’t as though either of them insisted on much privacy in the
bathroom, after all. No, the closed door was a wall Noah was putting up between them. It
was just another signal from him to tell Pierce and the world how pissed off he was. Bloody
Irish temper.
Pacing, Pierce tried to keep his own anger from flaring up further. Letting Noah’s
tantrum turn into a full-sized fight wouldn’t do anybody any good. It would only be a matter
of time until Phin would wake up from the shouting and Phoebe wasn’t one to take it easily
when her fathers fought, either.
“Care to explain that?” Pierce asked when Noah emerged and, brushing past him,
headed for their bedroom.
“You want me to explain?” Noah stopped for a moment to open the door to the
wardrobe. “Fine. I’ll explain. Do you want to know what I found out after talking to IT All-
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Parts for about an hour and making a complete idiot of myself?” Not waiting for an answer,
he ploughed right on, “I discovered that the order I placed with them for the fucking parts I
would have needed today has never even made it beyond my out tray. And do you want me
to explain to you why that is?”
“Why?” Pierce sighed, although he had a pretty good idea what was coming.
“Fucking brain-dead Bruno has forgotten to send it to them!” Noah yelled. “Can you
believe that? I filled out the entire form myself. All he had to do was put it on the fax
machine, dial a number and see that it went through, but no, the bloody idiot put it into his
own in tray and then conveniently forgot about it!”
Rolling his eyes, Pierce rubbed his forehead in exasperation. “Okay. I get it. Bruno
messed up. But if you’d try to calm down a bit and look at it objectively, all he did was forget
to send a fax. Not that I’m saying that’s okay,” he hurried to add when Noah was about to
interrupt, “but, at the time you wanted that order placed, he couldn’t have known that you’d
actually need the pieces. You didn’t know you’d need them. You even said so yourself.”
“Huh? When did I say that?” Noah was still looking at Pierce with barely controlled
fury blazing in his eyes.
“You told me you wanted them just in case.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that I did want them and, besides, it’s just not fucking
dickhead Bruno’s decision which of my orders get placed and which ones don’t!”
“Stop calling him names now, will you?” Pierce growled. He hated it when Noah
started swearing because it meant that he was losing his grip on himself, which usually
preceded a nasty quarrel. And Bruno—the assistant Pierce had insisted on hiring for Noah
even though Noah had insisted he hadn’t needed—was a topic that could bring Noah’s
blood to the boil like little else.
“Why?” Noah chuckled. “Does my foul language offend you? Or are you just
concerned about me having a go at that fucking idiot?”
“I don’t appreciate your swearing because we are raising children,” Pierce pointed out.
“And, incidentally, it used to be a rule you suggested we set up. And as for Bruno—I know
he’s young and inexperienced—”
“Ha,” Noah interrupted him. “Inexperienced? Is that a euphemism for dumb as a brick?
Seriously, how much experience does it take to send a fucking fax?”
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“Noah,” Pierce groaned. “I admit he may be a bit slow but I’ve decided to give him the
chance to make something of himself and he’s trying. You could at least treat him with the
respect he deserves for—”
Noah let out an indignant snort. “Respect? I know that you seem to think he’s hung the
fucking moon, but I’m telling you, get rid of him or I will!”
The reins Pierce had been keeping on his temper finally slipped through his fingers.
Noah’s remark stung more than Pierce would care to admit, even to himself. Combined with
Noah’s complete lack of self-restraint at lashing out, it just made him want to hit right back.
Hurt Noah right back, and he knew what he needed to say to hurt him.
“You can’t get rid of him,” he snarled. “It’s my company. Bruno works for me and, just
in case you forget, you work for me, too. You’ve no more right to sack any of my employees
than Bruno does, and you’d better start remembering that!”
Noah turned a shade paler. “Fine.” A muscle twitched under his eye as he continued,
“Just in case you forget—I might work for you, but I’m not one of your fucking employees, so
don’t you dare order me around like one. Oh, and if you’re so pleased with fucking Bruno,
then why don’t you put him in charge of your IT department? See what he makes of it. I’ve
got more than enough on my hands running my business. I don’t need to put in extra hours
in your company to teach your staff how to manage files in a network. And I’m not keen on
wasting my time retrieving emails and files that have accidentally been deleted either.”
It was easy to tell that Pierce had succeeded in hurting Noah. As he had known he
would. Noah was proud of having set up his own business before he had even met Pierce. It
wasn’t huge but it was running well and was a big achievement for him. It was also a way
for Noah to keep his freedom—not just financially. He didn’t want to be in a position where
he was dependent on anyone, not even Pierce, and he guarded his independence. He had
only agreed to become head of the IT department in Pierce’s company under the condition
that he could do it as contracted work, not as a regular employee. Noah remained his own
boss, and he didn’t make much of a secret of the fact that a lot of what he had to do in
Pierce’s company was way below his qualifications. Pierce knew he had a point, which was
part of the reason he’d hired an assistant for Noah. He’d intended for him to have someone
who could take over the simpler tasks. Seeing that plan backfire so completely stung but,
worse than that, knowing Noah and his pride, Pierce wouldn’t put it past him to indeed
cancel the contract in a fit of temper.
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Clinging on to the last bit of patience he could find in himself, Pierce pedalled back.
“Look, Noah, I’m sorry you had a crap day but that’s not my fault, so don’t take it out on me.
Go see Shae at the club for an hour or two, and, when you come back home, things will be
looking a lot better, okay?” He dropped his voice to an intimate whisper. “I’ll keep the bed
warm, how about that?”
Pausing for a moment, Noah stared at him, then picked up his leather jacket. Pierce
winced when he heard the heavy belt buckle slide over polished wood. “Yeah, right. I’m off
to the club. Just… No need to wait up. It’s gonna be late.”
It wasn’t until the front door had slammed shut behind Noah that his choice of clothes
registered with Pierce. Noah was wearing his favourite pair of leather trousers. The ones that
were cut so enticingly, almost indecently low. The ones he usually wore without any
underwear because he would put them on when he was anticipating a quick fuck or a blow
job in an unlit alley on the way back home with Pierce. For the first time since Noah had
started going out on his own to allegedly meet his best mate Shae for drinks, Pierce was
wondering if Noah was anticipating a quick fuck or a blow job on the way back home to him,
too.
* * * *
Pierce spent a few restless hours waiting for Noah, tossing and turning in a bed that
was too big and too empty for him to find any rest in its suffocating folds. The phone took
mercy on him and rang at just past three in the morning. Of course, it didn’t feel like an act of
mercy to Pierce when he jumped out of bed and approached the phone. He was sick with
apprehension. Half expecting it to be the police delivering a message of an accident, or
maybe Noah having been injured in a mugging gone wrong, he didn’t recognise his brother’s
voice at first. The words didn’t register either, so he had to ask him to repeat.
“I said Noah is fine.”
“Is he—?”
“He’s fine. Whole and hearty, just, uh, maybe not fit to travel.”
“Not fit to travel?” Pierce repeated. “Now what on earth does that mean? Where is he?
Still at the club?”
“Nope. He’s crashed at my place.”
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“What happened?”
Pierce could almost hear the shrug in his brother’s voice. “Nothing much.”
“Francis!”
“Ah, well. He knocked back a couple of drinks and—”
“That’s never kept him from coming home.”
“A couple of drinks in a couple of minutes,” France clarified. “He’s got to thank Shae
for not ending up with alcohol poisoning.”
“Fuck. How bad is it?”
“He’s going to have a hangover from hell, but, apart from that, he should be okay. I’ve
put him up in one of the playrooms, and Shae is with him to keep an eye on him.”
“I’m coming to pick him up.”
“No you’re not.” Francis’ voice was decisive. “Leave him to sleep it off, Pie. There is
nothing you could do for him now. He’s in good hands with Shae.”
Yeah, right. Shae. Beautiful, sexy Shae, who was closer to Noah than his own brother.
Not that Pierce knew if Noah even had a biological brother, but Shae could have definitely
passed for one. They looked almost identical with their tall, slender bodies, dark curls and
bright blue eyes. They had similar backgrounds, having grown up just a few miles away
from each other in Ireland. It was odd that they had never met, especially since they were
also nearly the exact same age with just a few days in-between their birth dates.
Yes, Noah and Shae had a lot in common and Pierce had come to assume long since that
they shared secrets Noah kept even from him. Of course, Pierce didn’t begrudge him that.
Shae was a great guy and when Francis had introduced him to Noah, Pierce had been
delighted for his lover to finally find a friend he could trust in. So far, he’d never had reason
to suspect that there was anything more than a very close, but strictly platonic relationship
between them. And yet, it would be foolish not to admit that the two of them were an ideal
match in many ways.
Shae was naturally submissive while Noah was a very dominant person. Both of them
had an indecently high sex drive and they seemed to be into a lot of the same things that
were happening at the club. Noah, of course, being a married man, refrained from observing
certain activities, not to mention participating in them. Shae was more free in that way.
Although he officially belonged to Francis, the couple enjoyed the occasional scene or even
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36
ménage with suitable partners. They both liked watching the other with someone else, unlike
Pierce and Noah.
Noah had strayed once, and it had very nearly destroyed their love for good. Pierce
couldn’t bear the thought of Noah with another man, and having caught him red-handed all
those years ago hadn’t done much to encourage Pierce’s trust in him.
“Pierce?” Francis’ concerned voice disturbed Pierce’s dark thoughts. He must have tried
to catch his attention quite a few times, judging from the hint of irritation in his tone.
“Yeah?” Pierce replied.
“He’ll be fine. Shae will look after him and, by tomorrow evening, he’ll be as good as
new, okay?”
“Okay. Francis?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think…? I mean… Shae and Noah? Do you think they…?” Pierce had hoped to
get the question out before he could change his mind, but he couldn’t seem to make himself
say the words.
“Fuck?” Francis finished for him. “No.”
“No, you don’t think so, or no, they don’t?”
“No, they don’t.”
“Do you think I’m paranoid thinking about it?”
“Pierce, they’re close. Really close. I’d be amazed if you didn’t think about them taking
it further, but I can assure you, they’ve never gone down that road.”
“How do you know?”
“Shae would have told me. Besides, I just know. Noah wouldn’t fuck with Shae.”
“What about other guys, though? Do you think he would…? He’s done it before, after
all.”
There was a moment’s hesitation at the other end before Francis answered, “No. Now
try to go back to sleep, okay?”
“Okay.” Pierce rang off, knowing that sleep had just sneaked off into a very far away
corner. He’d heard it in Francis’ voice. It had been faint, barely noticeable, but it had been
there. The tinge of someone who had something to hide. Or was covering up for someone.
The question was what was it that Francis was hiding? It had something to do with Noah,
and, while Pierce was confident that Francis wouldn’t just step back and watch Noah cheat
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37
on his husband, Francis had the annoying tendency to look very closely at people’s motives.
He would let a lot pass if he thought their reasons justified their deeds and he had been the
one who had stuck with Noah and had helped him fight his inner demons when even Pierce
had lost faith in him.
What if he knew something about Noah that Pierce didn’t, even now? They had come
close during Noah’s so-called training sessions and it was no secret that they still spent the
odd hour or so together. Talking, allegedly.
What if Noah had chosen to confide in Francis and confess to him what he knew he
could never tell Pierce? What if Noah had cheated again, had found someone he’d been so
attracted to that he hadn’t been able to resist? Or worse, what if Noah had decided he didn’t
want the life he’d built with Pierce anymore? He hadn’t been too pleased with Pierce’s wish
to have a baby. Sure, he had agreed to it. He had helped and supported Pierce through the
nerve-racking search for a surrogate mother and the humiliating process that fathering a
biological child entailed for a gay man. When they had received the news that their baby was
on the way, Noah had been honestly excited and the tears he’d shed when he’d held
Phinneas for the first time had seemed to come straight from his heart.
But Pierce also knew that it had cost Noah a lot to have Phoebe, his own daughter. He’d
very nearly sacrificed himself trying to save her and he would have deserved to enjoy his
freedom now that she was healthy and no longer needed him as much as she used to.
Instead, Pierce had loaded the burden of another child on him. Another tiny creature who
needed his attention, protection and love. Maybe Noah was tired of giving away all those
pieces of himself. Maybe he wanted to get something in return—and maybe he had started
looking for that something elsewhere.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
38
Chapter Four
Noah was dropped off by a taxi at seven o’clock the next morning. He looked fresh and
dapper for someone who had been too drunk to make his way home just a few hours before.
If there had been any traces of the night before that he had wanted to wipe away, he
had done so very efficiently. His stubble was an indication of him having got himself ready
without his own toiletries but he smelt clean and freshly showered. The scent of an
unfamiliar soap clung to him, irritating Pierce’s nose. He preferred it when Noah smelt like
Noah. He also preferred it when Noah looked like the man he knew, but Noah had even
gone so far as to change his clothes and was wearing what must be a loan from Shae’s
wardrobe.
The style wasn’t much different from his own, and the garments fit him well, but the
sight reminded Pierce of his dark musings of the night before. Yet more these two had in
common. The same dress size and taste in clothes. They probably had the same taste in men,
too, seeing as they actually were in relationships with brothers. Pierce refused to let his
thoughts travel down that road again and instead greeted Noah with a cautious mindset and
a cup of coffee. It was a wordless peace offering that he hoped Noah would accept.
Noah took the cup with a guarded expression and an appreciative sigh. “Thank you,”
he said in an uncharacteristically small voice. So he had at least realised that his behaviour
had been way out of line.
“You’re welcome.”
“Phin and Pheebs up yet?” Noah enquired. He had taken a sudden interest in his cup
and was avoiding eye contact. Very unusual. Noah would stare down a hungry wolf when
his hackles were raised.
“Phoebe’s in her bathroom getting ready and Phin is still asleep.”
“Okay.” Noah nodded, as if to reassure himself of what he was saying. “Uh, I’ll get
Phin ready for nursery when he wakes up if you want. I’ll pop in at your work to see if the
server’s still up and running when I’ve dropped him off. It should be okay, but I really want
to check once more how it’s holding up when everybody’s at their desks using the system.” It
was his counter peace offering. Owing to his absence, they were running late. If he took Phin
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39
to the day nursery before inspecting the computer system at Pierce’s company, he would
never manage to get started with his own work in time.
“Why don’t I get him ready while you go ahead and get there first?” Pierce suggested.
“That way, you will be there when the others come in and, if there is still anything wrong,
you can start fixing it right away.” It made sense, from a company manager’s point of view
as well as from a partner’s. It might be good for Noah to spend some more time away from
baby formula, regurgitated food and full nappies.
“I’ll drop him off and start work a little later. It’s not as though I really have to be there
at eight sharp anyway,” he added.
“Sounds good to me,” Noah said over-casually. “If I can leave now it will give me a
head start and I could probably even get another quick test run done by the time the rest of
your staff arrive.”
“Oh. That’s good then, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” Half turning away from Pierce, Noah stopped and lingered. He looked
indecisive, as if he were about to tackle an important issue but didn’t know how to. After a
moment, he said, “I’ll get changed, then I’ll… Uh, I’ll be off.”
“Okay.”
Phinneas’ long, complaining wail interrupted them before Pierce had time to think
about whether or not to address their fight and Noah’s absence at all.
On his way back from fetching the baby, he noticed that the bathroom door was once
again closed. He didn’t think much of it. There were some private moments to be had after
all. However, when, minutes later, Noah crossed the hall, still fully dressed, Pierce was more
than just a little puzzled.
Noah would usually leave his clothes in the laundry bin in the bathroom and walk
across the hall to the wardrobe in his underwear—unless of course he was angry and trying
to show it by scattering garments in his wake the way he’d done the evening before.
Maybe it had to do with Phoebe being about to emerge, or maybe, which was more
likely, it was because the clothes were Shae’s and weren’t meant to end up with their own
laundry.
Pierce gave it a full five minutes before he couldn’t take it any longer and went after
Noah. He walked straight through to the wardrobe without announcing his approach.
“What happened last night?”
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40
Noah spun around. He was getting changed and had just been about to drop his—
Shae’s—shirt when Pierce had interrupted him. A rosy flush of embarrassment tinted his
cheeks as he pulled the garment tight around himself again.
“Nothing happened last night,” he said, not quite meeting Pierce’s gaze. It seemed he
had just abandoned his plans of putting on fresh clothes. Instead, he did up the buttons
again. Pierce couldn’t tell for sure, but he thought Noah’s usually so nimble fingers were
shaking a little.
“Then why didn’t you come home?”
Closing his eyes, Noah heaved a sigh. “Look, I just… I had too much to drink and—”
“Funny how you don’t seem to be hung-over.”
“I…uh…”
“So I take it this means something did happen last night?” Pierce pressed the matter
further, desperate to know the truth now.
Noah let out a sad, snorting sound. “I think we both know it did.”
“Hm. I see. And whatever it is, you think you can’t tell me.”
“Pierce, please. I can’t… I don’t really want to talk about it. Not yet. I—”
“What do you mean you don’t want to talk about it? You know you can tell me
anything.” Dread, tiredness and worry were blending together in Pierce’s voice and making
it gruffer than he’d intended it to be.
Noah flinched. His voice was flat as he replied, “That’s what I used to think, too. But
right now, I just don’t think I can. I need to sort this out myself first.”
“I didn’t know we had that kind of relationship.”
“Huh? What kind?”
“The kind where we can’t trust each other anymore. The kind where we start keeping
secrets from each other.” Pierce hadn’t meant to sound so accusing. Really, he hadn’t, but the
words were out before he had been able to stop himself and even he could detect the bitter
note of reproach in his voice. So could Noah, obviously, and he was shifting from mere
wretched defensiveness to attack.
“Well, it might help if we had a relationship at all,” he snapped, gearing up to full-
anger mode.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
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41
“Fuck, Pierce, you must know what it means. We barely even get to spend time with
each other anymore. Most of our conversations revolve around either Pheebs or Phin, or
work or the fucking household. We used to have a life together. Do you even remember
that?”
“Gosh, Noah!” Pierce sighed. “Of course I remember. And I’m sorry, but things have
changed. We knew they would when we agreed to have another baby. But he will grow up
and it will get easier again. We’ll be able to do more of the things we used to do again.
Besides, what about the other night? In the kitchen? That was amazing, wasn’t it? It was
devious, hot. We…” Watching the expression on Noah’s face, he fell silent. “It wasn’t quite
like that for you, was it?”
Eyes cast down, Noah swallowed and, to Pierce’s horror, shook his head. “I’m sorry,”
he muttered, so low he was barely audible. “Lately I just seem to constantly be supposed to
make it right for everybody while I—” He bit his lip.
“While you don’t get much out of it yourself,” Pierce finished for him. “Is that what
you’re trying to say?”
Noah let out a sad, choked sound. “Yes. No. Oh, fuck, I don’t know! I just don’t know
what I’m thinking anymore but this is all getting on top of me somehow.”
“All?” Pierce echoed. “What exactly do you mean by all?”
“This. Us. The kids. Phoebe’s trouble at school. Phin crying every night. Work. Just…”
Noah raised his arms in a helpless gesture. “Everything.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t know your family was such a burden on you.”
“I’m not saying that!” Noah objected, but his voice was tight and laced with guilt.
“No, but it is what you’re thinking.”
“You don’t know what I’m thinking!”
“Well, it might help if you told me rather than just buggering off to your mate Shae and
spending the night doing fuck knows what!”
“At least Shae listens to what I’m saying!”
“Fuck, Noah! Of course he does. It’s not as though he’s got much else to do, is it? He
doesn’t have to manage a company and he hasn’t got a child to look after, either. Besides,
since when have you been so eager to talk about your feelings? Usually you’re the one who
can’t put up a wall to hide behind fast enough whenever something bothers you.”
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42
That had hit Noah where it hurt. He went pale and the muscles in his jaw stood out
with tension. Pierce braced himself for the retort.
“I think I should stay with Shae and France for a few days.”
“You what?”
“I need a break, Pierce. I need to come to terms with some…stuff, and I just can’t do
that here.”
“Are you… Are you breaking up with me?” Pierce could barely get the words out. His
chest felt too tight to breathe.
“No. I just… I need some alone time. Please, Pierce. I love you, baby. You’re the love of
my life, but, right now, I need to be alone for a bit.”
“It’s to do with what happened last night at the club, isn’t it?”
Noah frowned, then nodded hesitantly. “Right.” He stared at the floor.
“What have you done, Noah?” Pierce asked tonelessly. He felt shaky and faintly sick
with the terrible awareness that Noah had indeed done something last night. Something so
dire he point-blank refused to talk about. There wasn’t much Noah didn’t talk about. A part
of Pierce wanted to know anyway, even needed to know the truth, while another would have
preferred to block his ears and keep him from hearing anything at all.
At last Noah looked up. His eyes were rimmed with red and had assumed a haunted
expression. “I know what it must look like to you,” he whispered. “But it’s not what you
think.”
“Then what is it?”
Closing his eyes, Noah shook his head.
“I really don’t know what to make of that, Noah.”
“I know. And I’m sorry. But, as I said, it’s not what it looks like.”
“Fair enough.” Pierce forced himself to say the next words. “One more question,
though, just so we’re on the same page—what do you think it looks like to me?”
“Gosh, Pierce, I—” Whatever Noah had been about to say got stuck in his throat when
the doorbell belted out its cheerful chime, startling him into confused silence.
“I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere,” Pierce said. He was very much tempted to just
ignore the intruder, who had chosen what must be the most inappropriate moment ever to
come to their doorstep—their doorstep. He tried not to think about whether that was still
true.
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* * * *
“Yes?”
When he opened the door, Pierce did a double-take. He found himself looking at a
younger model of Noah. Not Phoebe, who was currently in her bathroom. She was probably
again experimenting with new hairdos or God knew what a twelve-year-old girl did for over
half an hour in there. At least she was blissfully oblivious to the decision her father was
about to make regarding her future.
No, the Noah doppelganger in front of Pierce was not a twelve-year-old schoolgirl. He
was very much a male and on the other end of the teenage years. But, just like Phoebe, he
had Noah’s dark brown curls, the bright blue eyes and, overall, almost the exact same
features—only without the lines life had already begun to carve into Noah’s face. The
contours of his jaw and cheeks were softer and boyishly smooth, not stubbly like Noah’s.
Phoebe would like that, Pierce thought irrationally. She often complained about Noah being
prickly when he pecked her on the cheek or pulled her close for a cuddle.
Aware that he was staring at the stranger with an open curiosity bordering on
impoliteness, Pierce forced himself to focus.
“Um… Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Oh, hi there,” the man in front of him greeted. “Noah Conway lives here, right? Is he
in?”
Conway-Hollister, Pierce wanted to correct, as a matter of habit, but refrained from
doing so. Noah didn’t always use his full name, and, as he noticed the familiar, but far more
obvious melody of the accent in the young man’s voice, Pierce suspected that, maybe, the
news just hadn’t travelled that far yet. Besides, in the light of current developments, it
seemed presumptuous to insist on it.
“Who wants to know?” he asked.
“Me.” The young man grinned. “I’m Jonah. Noah’s brother.”
* * * *
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44
A few minutes later, Noah joined them in the kitchen. Pierce hadn’t known what
reaction to expect, but seeing Noah flinch then scowl at their visitor made him shift in his
seat with mortification.
“What are you doing here?” Noah grumbled, not bothering to conceal his hostility.
“Paying you a visit, of course.”
“I can’t remember having invited you,” Noah said.
“Well, I kind of figured you wouldn’t mind, seeing as you’re my brother.” Jonah didn’t
seem too concerned by Noah’s reception.
Muttering something like “smartarse” under his breath, Noah accepted the coffee Pierce
had just poured and held out to him. He took a few gulps before he glanced at Jonah again.
“Did they send you?”
“If by ‘they’ you mean our parents, then no, they did not send me,” Jonah answered.
Bitterness had crept into his voice. “And, before you ask, they don’t know I’ve come to see
you, either. I don’t think they’d have cared to hear, even if I’d tried telling them.”
He stuck out his chin and stared right back when Noah kept scowling at him. Pierce
couldn’t help admiring his guts. Worked up from the argument they’d had minutes before,
Noah still radiated fury and he didn’t do much to keep it in check.
“What do you want?”
“Well, a place to stay wouldn’t be bad,” Jonah replied. “And some brotherly advice
would be appreciated, too.”
“Ts!” Noah let out a snort. Still glaring at poor Jonah, he enquired, “Advice? What
advice could I possibly give you?”
Suddenly Jonah looked even younger and, for the first time since he’d arrived, he had
an air of self-consciousness about him. “I think I’m gay,” he blurted out.
Noah went pale at the words. He closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose and
opened his eyes again to look at Jonah. Shaking his head, he fixed his gaze on some
undefined spot on the far wall, then heaved a deep sigh. His jaw muscles flexed, but his
expression was set and unfriendly when he turned around and snarled, “And what the fuck
makes you think I’m the right person to talk to about that?”
“I didn’t know where else to go,” Jonah admitted in a small voice. “Besides, you’re gay,
too, so I thought—”
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“What? What did you think? That you could come here and I’d show you what it’s like
to be out and proud in the big fucking city?”
“Well, uh, kind of. I mean, why not? It worked out all right for you, didn’t it?”
“Yeah, right,” Noah sneered. “It all worked out so bloody right for me I barely know
what to do with my happiness. Seriously now, my life isn’t the piece of cake you might think
it is. Being fucking queer isn’t a great thing to be, not even in sodding twenty-first century
London. If you really want some brotherly advice from me, then it’s this— Take off those
ridiculous glitzy jeans and try to see if you can’t make it work with a girl. And if you’ve got
so much as a single working brain cell in your head, you’ll try very hard because—”
“Noah, that’s enough,” Pierce cut him off. He’d been listening in on the brothers’
conversation with increasing discomfort. Sure, he’d known that finding out that he was gay
hadn’t been easy for Noah, but, in all the years he’d been living with Pierce, he had never
admitted to regretting that he was gay. He had never once let on that he wished he weren’t.
Looking at Jonah, who had dropped his gaze to the floor and was standing with his
shoulders hunched, Pierce wondered once again what it had been like for Noah. He had
never filled Pierce in on any of the details of how he had left his family. Unlike Jonah, who
had obviously had at least an address and hope, Noah had had no one to turn to when he’d
first arrived in London. He’d been alone. Alone but for the one-week-old baby girl he’d had
with him. That was all Pierce knew.
Seeing Noah now, the almost thirteen years older version he’d grown into, made it easy
to forget all that. Yes, on the outside it had indeed worked out well for him. He was married
to a man who loved him regardless of his short-fused temper and his stupid tendency to
retreat into his snail’s shell when things got on top of him. He had two adorable kids, a job he
enjoyed and a wonderful home. But all that was worth nothing if it wasn’t what he
ultimately wanted and, right now, it seemed that Noah didn’t want what he had anymore.
Of course, Jonah couldn’t know that. Noah and Pierce had only just reached that point
and had barely had the time to realise it themselves. At least, Pierce hadn’t had that time.
His gaze fell on Noah’s bag, which sat on the floor in the hall, right where Noah must
have dropped it before entering the kitchen. What had he thought when he’d heard Pierce
talking to someone? He couldn’t have known who it was. He hadn’t seen his brother for such
a long time, at least twelve years, that it was amazing he had recognised him so quickly at all.
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However, the more important question was what would Noah have said if Jonah hadn’t
been there to distract him? And what effect would Jonah’s presence have on Noah’s decision
to leave Pierce and his family?
So many questions, but Pierce didn’t know how to ask them. Didn’t dare ask, if he was
honest. Hearing Noah say those cruel words had been one of the worst moments in his life
and hearing him say them again was something he wasn’t sure he could handle.
He caught Noah’s eye for the fraction of a moment when he looked up, right before
Noah blinked and turned his head away. But what Pierce had seen in that split second made
him hope. There couldn’t have been so much pain in Noah’s eyes if he didn’t still love Pierce.
He’d tried to cover it up, but Pierce knew that what he had seen was true. And Noah had
even said it, too. So if it wasn’t lack of love that made him want to leave, what was it? Had he
indeed been unfaithful and knew that Pierce would kick him out if he ever discovered the
truth, because it was the one thing he wouldn’t forgive—not again?
“Noah?” Jonah’s timid voice broke the tense silence.
Noah raised his eyebrows but didn’t respond.
“Can I stay? Please?”
Noah held his brother’s troubled gaze for what felt like endless minutes before he
quietly said, “You’ll have to ask Pierce that. This is his house.”
“Noah. Can I talk to you for a moment? Outside, please.” It was one of those rare
occasions when Pierce was about to put his foot down very determinedly. Noah must have
realised it, and he would know better than to even try to argue. It didn’t keep him from
rolling his eyes and huffing a bit, of course, but he followed Pierce through to the living
room.
“You can’t just turn him away,” Pierce rounded in on him as soon as he had closed the
door behind them. “He’s your brother.”
“I’m not turning him away,” Noah pointed out. “I’m merely referring him to the owner
of the house since I can hardly—”
“Noah, for fuck’s sake, stop being a hair-splitting pain in the arse now! This is your
home as much as mine, but that’s not the point right now. You of all people should know
what it’s like to be a teenager who’s just found out that he’s gay and the least you could do is
show the poor sod a bit more consideration!”
“Twenty.”
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“Huh?”
“Jonah’s twenty,” Noah explained. “Not a teenager. His birthday was in June. Just a
few days after mine, in fact.”
“Well, I don’t think three months matter all that much. He’s still just a kid and he must
be having a hard time right now.”
“It would be a lot easier for him if he didn’t run around fancying himself being gay!”
Noah blurted out.
“Fuck, Noah, how can you say that? He’s in pretty much the same situation you were in
and—”
“I had a child to look after!”
“Yes, I know that. But he’s apparently just had a break with his family—your family—
too, and twenty is still awfully young to be stranded alone in a big city he doesn’t know.”
Letting out an angry snort, Noah ran his fingers through his short-cropped hair. “Just
what the hell does he want from me?”
“You’re his brother, Noah. You’re the only family he has left right now. Who else is he
supposed to turn to in a situation like this?”
“I don’t know! But I don’t know him. I haven’t even seen that boy for more than half of
his life.”
“So what? That doesn’t change the fact that you’re related.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Noah replied. “But where does it say that I’m supposed to get on well
with someone just because we happen to have been born to the same parents?”
“Noah, love, this is not the time to raise existentialist discussions. He’s your brother.
You have a moral obligation to help him, whether you want to or not. That’s the way our
society works. Imagine he was Phin, twenty years from now. Would it be okay for Phoebe to
tell him to bugger off just because she hadn’t seen him in a while? Or, let’s say it was Phoebe
asking Francis for help. Do you think it would be okay for him to send her away, although
they’re not even blood relatives?”
Noah stared at him for a long moment, then he shook his head. “I get your point.”
“Good. I guess this means that the two of you weren’t exactly, uh, close? Before you left,
I mean.”
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“Not particularly, no. He’s my junior by eleven years. That’s huge if you’re children,
and especially during those last two years, I had other things on my mind. I remember him
being a bit of a spoilt brat, but that’s about it, to be honest.”
“That’s not a reason to turn him away now, though.”
“Right. It’s not. But it doesn’t make it any easier, either.”
“Noah?”
“Yes?”
“Do you still want to take that break? From us?”
The pain hadn’t quite vanished from Noah’s eyes when he met Pierce’s gaze, but, on
the whole, he seemed to have regained control. “I can hardly leave now that yet another
member of my family is about to live here, can I?”
“Noah, Phoebe is my family, too. She’s my child, too. Don’t forget that.”
“I know. And I would never destroy that.”
“So… You are staying, right?”
“Yes,” Noah whispered. “Yes, I’m staying. There’s not much else I can do now, is
there?”
* * * *
When Pierce returned to the kitchen fifteen minutes later, a freshly changed Phin in his
arms, he walked straight into an atmosphere of frosty silence.
Cradling his coffee mug in one hand, Noah leaned against the kitchen counter. Jonah
was sat on a chair, elbow planted on the table in front of him and supporting his head with a
hand under his chin. He looked dead beat and mildly uneasy. Noah was looking plainly fed
up.
“Say hello to everyone,” Pierce said, holding Phin up a bit for him to be able to take a
glance around. Jonah raised his hand to somewhere around the level of his chest and
mumbled a tired, “Hello, gorgeous.”
Noah merely let out a vague grunt and took a sip from his coffee.
“Can you take him for a sec?” Pierce asked and carried Phin across the room to where
Noah was standing.
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“Sure.” At last Noah smiled. It wasn’t a particularly bright smile and Phin was the only
one he was directing it at, but at least he was no longer scowling as he took the baby and
settled him on his hip.
“Hey, my adorable little baby boy,” he cooed. “Did you sleep well? Did you make
Daddy change your smelly early-morning nappy? Ooh, great.”
Phin was not in a very talkative mood. Instead, he giggled and put one chubby little
arm around Noah’s neck while trying to inspect Noah’s teeth with the other. Laughing, Noah
fended him off.
Observing the scene from the corners of his eye as he reached up to get a mug from the
top shelf, Pierce felt his chest tighten with melancholy. Noah was so good with the baby. He
was good with all children. But his own brother seemed to have outgrown that category.
“So, did you catch up on the past couple of years?” Pierce asked. Predictably, Noah’s
expression darkened again. Jonah, who had dropped his gaze back to the table, was now
trying to become entirely invisible.
“Hardly,” Noah grumbled.
“He hates me already,” Jonah muttered, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the wood in
front of him.
“No, he just… He doesn’t hate you, Jonah,” Pierce corrected, watching Noah shift.
“He’s just having a bit of a hard time coming to terms with, uh, certain things.”
“What things?” Jonah enquired. “Me turning up here?”
“Uh…” Pierce flashed a glance at Noah, whose lips were still sealed in a tight line.
“Well, there are some other things.”
“What things?” Jonah repeated. “Aren’t you guys happy?”
Pierce took a breath. “It’s not that easy.”
“Why not?”
Yes indeed—why not?
“Because… Oh, I don’t really know, to be honest. Just sometimes, uh, things happen
and, um…”
Pierce was saved more explanations by Phoebe’s appearance. The poor girl was startled
by him bouncing across the room and hugging her. Relief made him overreact.
“Gosh. What’s up, Dad?” she muttered, trying to wriggle out of his embrace. She was
doing that a lot lately. At least, during the daytime, when she was sporting one of her trendy
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new styles. She would still turn into a cuddle monster at nights and on lazy Sunday
mornings. Maybe the school bullying incident had had a certain influence on her, or maybe
Noah was right in saying that it was just a normal reaction at her age. Pierce tried not to take
it personally and to believe Noah. She was growing up, Noah would say, and becoming
more independent. It made sense and Noah seemed to be convinced that it was all that there
was to it. And yet, he looked upset, too, when Phoebe pushed him away or chose to sit in the
big armchair instead of snuggling up to him the way she used to do until just a few months
ago. Yes, Noah’s baby was growing up, just as Pierce’s baby was taking over more and more
of their lives.
“Nothing, pumpkin,” Pierce said in response to her question, which, he knew, hadn’t
really been a question at all. He was glad that she was still calling him Dad.
“I’m just glad to see you. Oh, talking of seeing—this is Jonah. He’s, uh, he’s your…” He
fell into an awkward silence. It was Noah’s job to introduce the two of them. It should have
been him, really. He was the link between them. But apparently Noah still preferred to
remain silent, which was just as well seeing as Phoebe didn’t need an introduction.
“Jonah!” she shrieked and bounded across the room. “Great to see you! So you did
make it over here, after all! How are you? How was travelling? Did you really come the
whole way down here hitch-hiking?”
All of a sudden, the lanky almost-teenager was very much a little girl again as she flung
herself into Jonah’s arms, nearly sending him flying off his chair.
“My, my, Pheebs.” Jonah chuckled, sounding winded as he hugged her back. “You look
even better than on webcam. How is my favourite little girl?”
They started chattering and Pierce struggled to make sense of what he had just heard
and was seeing. Phoebe and her uncle didn’t look at all like two strangers who were
supposed to not even know of their respective existences. Well, Jonah might have been told
by his parents that Noah had left the family with a child, but Pierce had never known Noah
to have mentioned his siblings to her. He certainly hadn’t mentioned them to Pierce. And yet,
here they were, uncle and niece, chatting like two friends who were catching up with each
other after having been separated for a few weeks.
“Uh…” Pierce brought himself to their attention. “Could either of you two fill us in on
why you are all chummy with each other?”
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Phoebe turned around with a sheepish expression on her face. Obviously figuring that
Noah was going to be the harder nut for her to crack, she glanced at him with big round eyes
and a little-girl pout.
“What have you done?” Noah asked through clenched teeth, his words a painful
reminder of the exact same question Pierce had asked him only half an hour ago.
“Daddy…” she started, but Noah was having none of it.
“What?” he snapped.
“We’ve been, uh, chatting. Online,” she explained, chewing her bottom lip.
“You’ve been chatting? To each other? But you don’t—didn’t—even know each other.”
Noah stared at her, puzzled but apprehensive at the same time.
All perfect gentleman, Jonah hurried to Phoebe’s rescue. “Well, no, not as such,
obviously,” he clarified. “But you see, we happened to meet in a chat room and then we sort
of got talking and—”
“Are you seriously telling me that my daughter Phoebe, who is twelve years old and
doesn’t even have a computer of her own, let alone the permission to surf around dubious
websites, just happened to meet you in a chat room on the Internet? It doesn’t take a degree in
maths to figure out that the chances of that happening are below zero.”
“Do you have one?” Jonah asked.
Noah glared at him. “Huh? Have I what?”
“A degree in maths.”
“Are you trying to be funny?” Noah’s eyes were narrowed and his voice had gone icy.
“That was a figure of speech, as you’re probably well aware, but yes, I have a degree in
maths. Also in information technology and computer engineering, in case you wondered.
Now, back to you, Miss Conway.” Scowling, he turned to Phoebe. “What did I tell you about
Internet usage?”
“Oh, Dad-dy.” Phoebe sighed.
“Don’t ‘Oh, Daddy’ me,” Noah grumbled. “And you may as well stop batting your
eyelids—that doesn’t cut any ice with me. How did you even manage to get into one of those
chat rooms?”
Rolling her eyes, Phoebe muttered, “You’re the expert. Do I really have to tell you?”
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“How did you do it?” Noah’s tone made it clear that he wasn’t going to put up with any
more sassiness from Phoebe and she was quick to pedal back. Apparently Noah still had a
pretty good hold over her when it mattered.
“Well, I just signed up with one of the social networks and, uh, sort of started looking
around,” she explained. “And then I, uh…” She fell silent, biting her lip just as Noah would
do when he didn’t want to say what was going on inside his head. Her guilty expression was
easy enough to read, but maybe the answer was too obvious for Noah to spot. Besides, he
was busy putting his fatherly foot down.
Pierce took a step forwards, angling himself halfway between Noah and Phoebe, who
was sat on the edge of the table. “You started searching for your dad’s family, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” Phoebe admitted.
Noah sucked in a sharp breath. “For fuck’s sake, Phoebe!” he yelled. “How could you—
”
“Noah!” Pierce cut across him, then, in a gentler tone, he said, “Easy, love. Think about
what you’re going to say, okay?” Noah swearing in Phoebe’s presence was unprecedented
and it said a lot about how furious he was. His bottom lip quivered as he stared back at
Pierce, struggling to get a grip on himself.
“Okay,” he said after a while, calming down. “I’m sorry, Pheebs. Just… Why did you
do that? Why didn’t you just ask me if you wanted to know about…them?”
“Because you never talk about our family. You act like they don’t even exist. How am I
supposed to talk to you about them, then?”
Noah flinched. “Fair enough. Just why the— Why are you so keen on getting in touch?
What were you expecting to happen if you found them?”
“I don’t know,” Phoebe muttered. “But they’re my family, too. It’s not fair that I don’t
even know them.”
“Phoebe, they—” Noah started but interrupted himself. He took a deep breath and let it
out on a slow, determined exhalation. “We did not exactly part on good terms. You do know
that, don’t you?”
“Yes. Yes, I know that. You told me. But it doesn’t have anything to do with me, does
it? You were the one who couldn’t live with them anymore. That doesn’t give you the right
to keep me from getting to know my own grandparents.”
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“Phoebe,” Pierce admonished softly, but sternly. He had been watching the scene with
growing concern and had seen the colour drain from Noah’s face at Phoebe’s accusations. He
hadn’t thought much about what Noah had told Phoebe regarding his family. Somehow the
topic had just never come up and he’d assumed that either Phoebe knew the truth or Noah
had told her a lie. Either way, Pierce hadn’t wanted to stir up what had appeared to be a
peaceful, functioning arrangement. But now it seemed that, all along, a volcano had been
lurking beyond the surface of their quiet lives and was just about to erupt.
“What?” Phoebe complained. “They’re my family. I have the right to know them,
haven’t I?”
“Yes, that’s true,” Pierce admitted. He didn’t need to see Noah’s face to know that he
had gone even paler, if that was possible. “But I think there might be a few details about your
daddy’s—your family—that you don’t know about yet. Unless, of course, Jonah has filled
you in,” he added, casting Jonah a questioning glance.
“What’s there to add?” Jonah said. “Noah left when he found out that he was gay. It’s
reasonable. From his point of view, that is. There isn’t much going on in terms of dating
where we grew up. Not if you’re straight, and most definitely not if you’re queer.”
“Is that what they told you?” Noah asked. “That I’d left because I wanted to live it up in
the city?”
“Well…” Jonah stared at him. The poor boy was evidently having a hard time trying to
understand his older brother. “They’re still pretty mad at you, you know. Not that they talk
much about you at all.” He frowned. “In fact, I can’t remember them ever having mentioned
you unless I asked… I guess your leaving has been hard for them.” He looked at Noah,
seemingly expecting an answer to his unspoken questions.
“Yes,” Noah choked out. “They must be broken-hearted. Their queer son up and gone
at last. And thank the Lord, he’s taken the result of his disgraceful sins and the shame he’s
brought over the whole family with him. No, really—they must have been devastated.”
Phoebe and Jonah wore identical, bewildered frowns at Noah’s sudden outburst. Their
expressions brought out the similarity between them to a degree that was almost frightening.
“Daddy?” Phoebe asked in a bewildered tone. “What do you mean with the result of
your sins? Did you do anything wrong?”
“No, pumpkin.” For only the second time that morning, Noah smiled. It was a weak
smile, and it was laced with pain, but the love he felt for his daughter showed nonetheless.
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He walked to her with slow, tentative steps. Stopping right in front of her, he reached out
and tugged her into his arms. She looked even more dazed but followed his invitation and
even let out a contented sigh when she snuggled up to his chest.
“No, Pheebs,” Noah repeated in a soft murmur. “What I did has got me you. And
nothing that results in something so wonderful could be wrong, don’t you think?”
“Dad!” Phoebe protested, a little self-consciously, but she sounded charmed at this
display of fatherly affection anyway.
“It’s okay, pumpkin. It’s okay. I love you. Just never forget that, okay? And even if you
might not always understand what I do, or why I do what I do—I want you to remember
that, when it comes to you, everything I do is meant to be for your best. Okay?”
A faint frown wrinkled Phoebe’s smooth forehead but she nodded. “Yes, Daddy.”
“Good. I will tell you everything you need to know about your family. I promise. Just…
Give me a little time. Please.”
Maybe Phoebe understood how hard this was for Noah, or maybe she was just not as
interested in her family’s history as she’d claimed she was. Whatever her reason, she
wrapped her arms around Noah again in a tight hug, then she pushed away from him.
“I’m sorry, but I have to get ready for school now. Karen’s coming by to pick me up any
second now, so I’ll wait for her outside if that’s all right.”
“Okay. I love you, pumpkin,” Noah whispered once more as he released Phoebe from
his hold.
“Uh… I love you, too, Daddy,” Phoebe replied, already morphing back into the cool,
streetwise almost-teenager she was trying to be during the daytime.
There was an awkward stretch of silence after Phoebe’s departure. Pierce would have
loved to talk to Noah, but, between the deep, unapproachable scowl on Noah’s face and
Jonah’s presence, he knew better than to even try. And the bitter aftertaste of the fight they’d
had not so long ago wasn’t any help either.
He watched Noah. The talk with Phoebe had without a doubt hurt him but he wasn’t
letting his pain show. It was classic Noah. The deeper his wounds, the thicker the walls he
put up. And he was doing it again.
Checking his watch pointedly, Noah finished his coffee, put the mug in the sink and
said, “I guess I had better get ready. I’m running late as it is, especially if I want to check on
that server problem of yours, Pie.”
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“Oh, okay,” Pierce replied. “You’re probably right. Do you want to meet for lunch?”
“Nn-nn. As I said, I have a lot to do.”
“I’ll see you out,” Pierce said and followed Noah outside before he had time to object.
“What are we going to do about him?” He jerked his head back in the direction of the
kitchen as soon as they were out of Jonah’s hearing range.
Noah looked a bit puzzled. “What do you mean?”
“Well, we can hardly leave him to sit around here on his own all day long, can we?”
“No, of course not.” Noah gave a disinterested shrug. “He can go out and explore the
city just the way he wanted to. Or he can do just whatever he wants to do. I don’t really give
a toss.”
“Fuck, Noah!” Pierce groaned. “What’s the matter with you?”
“Nothing.”
“Is that why you’re looking so annoyed?”
“That’s just… Oh, crap.” Noah heaved a sigh. “I just don’t like having him around,
okay? I wish he’d just creep right back to the stone he’s crawled out from underneath.”
“Noah! He’s your brother, after all.”
“So what? I’ve never asked him to show up here. I’ve never asked him to start messing
with Phoebe’s head about how they’re her family too, either.”
“Yes, I know that, love. But the way I understood it, it was Phoebe who took the first
step. And as far as Jonah’s concerned—we’ve had that talk. He’s here now and it’s your
responsibility to look after him, okay?”
“Yeah, right.” Noah huffed. “Like I’d need yet another one of those. I really have to go
now, though. I’ve been meaning to get some repair work done before I open the shop but I
guess that’s out of the question by now.”
“It would be a lot easier if you didn’t keep the shop too, with everything you’ve got on
your hands already!” Pierce said before he could stop himself.
A muscle twitched underneath Noah’s left eye. “Don’t go there now, Pierce.
Just…don’t.”
The shop. Short for workshop. The other piece of independence Noah protected so
fiercely.
It wasn’t really a workshop as such. Not just a workshop, that was, but it was the best
term for it. When Noah had started his own business in IT, he had done basically everything
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that had to do with computers from setting them up for individual customer use, right down
to fixing whatever ailments troubled the machines. An astonishing amount of people still
had trouble working their machines right, and the poor quality of parts a lot of
manufacturers used these days provided him with sufficient repair work to keep him busy.
He had soon included consultancy work for a few selected companies, among them
Pierce’s, which paid better, but he had never been able to make himself give up the repair
and support service. Apart from the fact that this part of his business still ran well, it was also
what Noah liked best about his job. He loved taking a broken computer apart to find out
which part was faulty and trying to fix it. Prior to Phin’s arrival, he would frequently bring
some of his work home with him. He would litter the kitchen table with various metal and
plastic pieces, brooding over them until he had solved the puzzle.
Noah had seemed happy then. It was something he was good at, and there had always
been a perceptible result to the efforts he’d made.
During the past months, however, he had stopped working at home. He claimed that he
couldn’t concentrate with the baby around. He had a point. Of course he had. It was one of
the many things about their lives that had changed because of the baby.
Noah hadn’t seemed to mind at the time. He’d smiled and said that he’d just have to
spend more time at the shop when it was closed for the public, but at least it meant he
wouldn’t have to constantly carry his tools to and fro anymore.
He missed it dearly, Pierce knew that. Noah missed that quiet hour or two after dinner,
when he would stand in front of the table, wine glass in one hand, screwdriver in the other
and his forehead rippled in concentration, trying to figure out what was wrong. Pierce
missed those hours, too.
Yet another desire Noah had to go elsewhere to fulfil.
“I’m sorry, love,” Pierce said. “I just think that maybe—”
“I know you want me to get rid of the shop. It’s not an option,” Noah cut across him.
“And as for entertaining Jonah… He’s been travelling for most of the night, so he must be
knackered. Just show him the guest room and let him catch a few hours of sleep. Give him
my number and the shop’s address so he can call me when he’s up and come around. Or I’ll
pick him up, depending on the time, and he can spend the rest of the day with me—unless he
has other plans, that is.”
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“Okay.” Pierce sighed. “That’s probably a good idea. It should give you guys the
chance to get to know each other a bit better. Sure you wouldn’t like to meet for lunch
somewhere?” he asked in a last, desperate attempt.
It didn’t come as a surprise when Noah shook his head as he picked up his jacket.
“With everything that’s happened this morning, and the prospect of babysitting Jonah, I’ll
have to skip lunch break today if I want to catch up with everything I have to do. Sorry,” he
added, in a reconciliatory tone. Apparently he’d recognised the miserable look on Pierce’s
face and was taking pity on him. The quick kiss he left on Pierce’s mouth certainly felt more
like an act of kindness than a token of affection.
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Chapter Five
The tentative truce they had installed by refusing to acknowledge their problems lasted
for all of a week. Pierce did his best to stay calm and not think about all the different
scenarios his over-imaginative mind kept picturing Noah in, while Noah did a moderately
good job of putting not only the reins but also a curb on his temper.
Neither of them managed to build a bridge, though. Pierce out of the stubborn
resolution that it was up to Noah to take the first step and apologise to him, and Noah…
Well, Noah seemed to have other things on his mind than a tearful reconciliation with his
husband. Judging by the way he kept slouching around the house like a guilty dog, Pierce
couldn’t help coming to the conclusion that his suspicions were right, after all.
The thin thread that had kept his growing frustration in check finally ripped right after
dinner on a Wednesday evening. Noah had been out with Shae again the night before. But
rather than returning more settled and in a good mood from his chummy night off—the way
he generally would—he was monosyllabic and distant, slamming doors in his wake and
spending an unusual amount of time in the bathroom.
“So, how are things at the club?” Pierce enquired at some point between clearing the
table and loading the dishwasher.
“Huh?”
“The club. How’s it going?”
“Uh. Okay.” Noah didn’t take his eyes off his mobile phone as he was standing next to
the kitchen counter.
That had become another thorn in Pierce’s side during the past week. Noah needed his
phone only to stay in touch with Pierce and Shae, or, on occasion, Francis. Other than that, he
used it for work-related calls or emergencies. Lately, however, checking his messages seemed
to have become an obsession of his. Whenever the subdued buzz of the little phone went off,
he would reach for it and glance at the screen. Sometimes he’d type out an answer
immediately, sometimes he’d just smile and tuck it away again, which was also a new habit
of his. Only a week ago, Noah’s phone could have been found virtually anywhere. These
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days, it might as well be a vital part of his body. He seemed to not go anywhere without it.
Not even the shower.
Not that Pierce would have looked at it if Noah had left it lying around. Well, he
wouldn’t have looked at it a week ago. Now, things were different and he couldn’t wait to
find the bloody little thing on its own and unobserved somewhere.
Noah seemed to have finished sending his latest answer to whatever message he’d just
received and looked at Pierce, probably because he was feeling the heat of Pierce’s glare
begin to leave burn marks on his forehead.
“Sorry, I just had to, uh, answer that.”
“Oh, okay,” Pierce answered sweetly, although he felt the bitter tang of anger rise, settle
in his chest and eat him up from the inside. “You’re doing that a lot lately.”
“Yeah, well, I… Uh…” Noah spluttered, chewing his bottom lip as he fished for words.
More than anything, Pierce wanted to let him off the hook and show him the easy way out.
And not just him.
“It’s okay,” he said. “You don’t need to explain. If you can’t just tell me the truth, I’d
rather you said nothing at all.”
For a split second, Noah stared at him with wide eyes. Then the implication of Pierce’s
words registered and his expression grew thunderous.
“What exactly are you aiming at?” he asked in the kind of tone that sent a chill up and
down Pierce’s spine. At least it helped block the acidic burn of betrayal.
“I’m not aiming at anything,” Pierce retorted. “I’m merely stating a few facts.”
“I see. Then maybe you could tell me what facts you are stating, ‘cause I’m having some
serious trouble following you.”
“Well, I couldn’t help but notice that you’re having a very close relationship with your
phone these days. And whoever is sending and receiving all those text messages must mean
a lot to you if you can’t seem to go a minute without looking at it.”
“I… You…” Noah had been pale before, but now an angry red flush rose in his cheeks.
“You think I’m having an affair.” It wasn’t a question.
“The thought has indeed occurred to me.” Pierce slammed the dishwasher’s door shut
and switched it on.
Noah said nothing. Frozen to the spot, he watched Pierce wipe the table, then, for lack
of other things to do, started cleaning the already spotless kitchen counter once more.
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“Tell me you’re not,” Pierce choked out when he couldn’t take the silence any longer.
Dread, humiliation and, above all, pain, were accumulating in his chest to a weight that had
the potential to crush him. His heart, anyway.
The muscles in Noah’s jaw flexed. Once. Twice. He held Pierce’s gaze for a seemingly
endless moment before he dropped his own to the floor. Then he heaved a sigh and looked
up. Pierce couldn’t remember having seen so much misery and despair in his eyes ever
before.
“Do you really need me to tell you?” Noah asked in a toneless whisper.
Pierce’s heart stopped dead. A part of him wished for it to just stay that way, but it did
a weird trip-up thing and started pounding away again.
“So it’s true?” he made himself ask, faintly aware that his voice came out as a high-
pitched, frightened squeak.
“What?” Noah looked bewildered again. “I didn’t say that. I meant…” He blinked,
confused, but suddenly his expression was set. “Oh, you know what? Why don’t we just
forget about it?”
“But I don’t want to forget about it!” Pierce protested. “I want to know once and for all
what you’ve been up to last week. And I want to know who’s sending you all those texts.”
“What difference does it make?” Noah snapped.
“It makes all the difference in the fucking world! Just tell me, is it Shae? Is he the reason
behind all this?”
At the mention of Shae’s name, Noah’s lips trembled. “Shae?” he yelled. “You think I’m
fucking Shae of all people?” He let out an irritated snort. “Fine. I’ll tell you. No, Shae is not
the reason behind all this, but it’s good to know that, after all these years, you still don’t trust
me!”
“No. It’s good to know that, after all these years, I obviously still can’t trust you!” Pierce
shouted back.
Noah’s blazing eyes grew cold. Hard and unforgiving as ice. “Is that really what you
think?”
“As I said—the thought has occurred. The way you’ve been acting lately doesn’t leave
much room for interpretation.”
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“Doesn’t it? Well then, let me spell it out for you—the person who is sending me
messages is not Shae. Well, he sends me some, but not all of them. And just for the record,
no, I’m not fucking him either. Do you feel better now that you know that?”
Not waiting for Pierce to answer, he continued, “And do you want to know something
else? When I said let’s forget about it, I wasn’t talking about this ridiculous accusation of
yours.”
“What…?” Pierce enquired, numb with pain and apprehension.
“Us. I was talking about us.”
“Noah, don’t. Don’t, love, I—” Pierce started miserably, wishing he could have taken
back the words as soon as he’d said them.
Noah held up a hand, stopping him. “Don’t.” He scowled at Pierce. The nervous muscle
underneath his eye twitched again. “If it’s so bloody hard for you to trust me and put up
with me, then I’m going to relieve you from that burden and put you out of your misery.”
A chill of terror jolted down Pierce’s spine. “Noah, no. Don’t. Please, don’t,” he
pleaded, but he could see the answer in Noah’s eyes even before he heard him say it out
loud.
“No. I can’t do this anymore, Pierce. I would have stuck it out with you, but if you can’t
trust me after everything we’ve been through, then there’s no way we can ever make this
work.”
“But we are making it work. We have been making it work for five years. And we’re
good together, Noah. I love you.” Pierce forced the words out through a throat that felt too
tight for him to even breathe. Tears stung the backs of his eyes but he blinked them away,
trying to cling on to the last fragment of control he had.
“I love you, too,” Noah answered. “But I guess that’s just not enough. I really can’t do
this anymore. I need a break.”
“What about the kids?” Pierce asked, a last, wretched attempt to clutch at the straw he
could see was floating farther and farther away from him.
Turning around, Noah froze in his motion for just as long as it took him to mutter,
“We’ll sort something out.”
Numb with shock, Pierce watched him leave. He couldn’t have come up with
something to say, even if the words that would have made Noah change his mind existed.
But there was nothing. Such words didn’t exist, and he knew that once Noah’s mind was
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made up, he stuck with his decision. This unyielding determination used to be one of the
features Pierce had appreciated the most in him. Now it was what had broken them apart.
* * * *
“Shae? Is he with you?”
There was a long pause at the other end. Pierce could easily picture Shae flicking his
pale blue gaze across the room, asking a wordless question and receiving an equally mute
answer.
“He says no,” Shae replied with an almost, but not quite suppressed sigh that was
guaranteed to make Noah roll his eyes in the background.
Yes, it was easy to imagine Shae, standing in the large, representative office Francis kept
in his club. Francis would have allowed him to abandon his accustomed role in the face of an
upset Noah’s arrival. Shae would have switched gears with his usual effortless grace,
transforming from dutiful submissive to best friend and strong shoulder to cry on at the bat
of an eyelid.
“I need to talk to him.”
“Oh, dear.” This time, Shae didn’t bother to try to stifle his sigh. A hint of exasperation
swung in it. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
“I don’t care. I want to talk to him.”
There was another meaningful pause and, without a doubt, another wordless exchange
of question and answer.
“Um, the wish isn’t, uh, reciprocated,” Shae informed him. He was probably well aware
of his precarious position, but if anyone knew how to handle Noah in this situation, it was
him. His temper, if roused, was a match for Noah’s, but, unlike Noah, he also possessed the
patience of an angel.
“Shae, stop fussing and just put him on the phone,” Pierce grumbled.
“Nn-nn. Sorry, Pie. No can do,” Shae answered. He was disobeying the order with
astonishing ease seeing as he was a well-trained sub and thus used to doing exactly as he
was told without so much as thinking about it first. Never mention point-blank refusing to
do it.
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Pierce sighed. He knew he was fighting a lost cause. He wasn’t going to get past Shae,
who possessed the stubbornness of a mule. Fortunately, he also had a gentle heart, and this
was what Pierce tried pleading with next.
“How is he?” he inquired.
It seemed the plan was working, at least to a certain extent.
Shae let out a sarcastic little huff. “What do you think?”
“Is he still pissed off with me?”
“Of course. He’s been calling you every name under the moon for the last two hours.”
“Oh, fuck,” Pierce groaned. So far, he’d been clinging on to the hope that Noah’s anger
would have evaporated as quickly as it had flared up, but he was beginning to realise that it
was time to start facing the truth. Noah had meant every word he’d said.
“Listen, Shae. Can you get him to talk to me?”
Shae’s tone was a little impatient as he said, “Sure. Eventually. But if you want my
advice, just give him some time, okay? Look, I, uh, have to go now. Take care.”
“Okay, thanks. You…” Pierce fell silent at the significant void at the other end. Had
Shae just hung up on him? He definitely had to have a few words with Francis about how he
tolerated his sub to behave these days.
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Chapter Six
Pierce’s head snapped up at the sound of the key scraping in the lock. He hadn’t
expected Noah back so soon and didn’t know whether it was a good sign that he was coming
home already. Home. He dearly hoped that Noah was still thinking of this as his home after
the twenty-four hours he had spent away, pouring his heart out and seeking consolation
with Shae and Francis.
Francis had been as evasive as Shae when Pierce had called him. At first it had stung a
bit that he was taking Noah’s side but eventually Pierce had realised that, in all honesty, he
was really just not taking any side at all. Francis’ only answer to Pierce’s increasingly
desperate enquiries had been to give Noah the time he needed and wait for him to return out
of his own will to talk things out. He had patiently repeated this advice over and over again,
until Pierce hadn’t been able to hear it anymore and had hung up.
Wait for Noah to return out of his own will. Easily said, almost impossible to do. Pierce
tried not to appear overeager, so he forced himself to remain sitting on the sofa, one leg
hooked over the other, and wait for Noah to come and find him in his own time.
It took several minutes for Noah to poke his head around the wall that blocked the sofa
from the entrance to the living room.
“Oh, here you are. Um. Hi,” he mumbled.
“Hello, Noah,” Pierce greeted. His heart was pounding fast and so hard he was
convinced that Noah must be able to hear it.
Noah was as beautiful and tempting as ever and Pierce longed for him with an intensity
that made his tormented heart ache even more. He wanted Noah, needed him more than
anyone ever before. And yes, he still loved him. Despite everything, he just couldn’t seem to
stop loving Noah.
Endless minutes passed. The silence between them was heavy, but not total. Pierce
could hear the clock on the kitchen wall across the hall ticking away. He tried hard not to
think about what its hands were counting down to with their unstoppable, impassive beat.
At last Noah shifted his weight from one leg to the other and cleared his throat. “I don’t
know what to say,” he said in a rough voice.
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A weak, wretched sound escaped Pierce’s throat. “Neither do I. How… How are you?”
“Okay.” Noah nodded, as if to assure himself of that fact, then he repeated, “I’m okay.
You?”
“I’m…” Miserable as hell. I miss you. I want you back and I just want these last ten crazy days
never to have happened. Let’s go to bed and pretend they haven’t. “…Okay.”
“Glad to hear that. Is…?” Noah took a breath. “Did you talk to Pheebs?”
Pierce shook his head. He was a bit disappointed that Noah had brought up the matter
of Phoebe so early on, but then again, he was a devoted father. And he was Phoebe’s father,
after all. If he left, Phoebe would be going with him. That much was clear. With her, Pierce
would lose one more of the most important people in his life. Just thinking about losing her
too made him sick with bereavement.
“I just told her that something had come up that required you to stay with… Shae for
the night.”
If Noah noticed the slight hesitation before Pierce got the name out, he wasn’t letting
on. He just kept staring at Pierce with a carefully guarded expression.
“I didn’t know what you want to tell her,” Pierce continued with a feeling that was
close to what it must be like to drive nails into his own coffin. “Whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll
want to do it yourself, so I didn’t want to interfere.”
“Thanks. I’ll talk to her when she gets home. She’s at school, I assume?”
Pierce did his best not to roll his eyes. “Of course she is. What… What are you going to
tell her?” It was the closest he could get himself to asking the actual question. Not asking it
was not an option anymore. He needed to know the answer, even if it meant that their family
was about to be torn apart for good.
Noah hesitated for a moment, then he heaved a sigh. “Honestly? I haven’t got a clue.
I’m hoping to make it up as I stumble along.”
Pierce didn’t miss the distinct roughness in Noah’s voice. He didn’t miss the giveaway
quiver in his bottom lip either and, sure enough, Noah’s eyes were rimmed with red. Two
chips of blue ice swimming in a pool of unshed tears.
Noah didn’t cry. Ever. So why was he standing there looking about to dissolve in
sadness?
“Noah, love…” Pierce started but he didn’t know what else to say. Begging Noah to
stay all over again would be plain pathetic.
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“I… I don’t know what to do,” Noah admitted in a hoarse whisper. The words
appeared to be nearly choking him. “I can’t be with you if you don’t trust me, but I just can’t
seem to make myself go away from you, either.”
“Then don’t,” Pierce whispered. “Stay. I can’t let you go either. If…” He heaved a sigh,
hearing the fear and loneliness in it as it shuddered out of his chest, then he closed his eyes
for a moment until he found the courage to look at Noah again. “I used to think betrayal was
the worst that could happen to me,” he said. “But it’s not. It doesn’t hurt as much as losing
you does and if you…” He snatched a breath to get him through that last, desperate part. “If
it is what you need to be happy, then it’s okay. Just don’t ever rub it into my face again like
that.”
As he watched a frown flicker across Noah’s face, Pierce knew that Noah understood
what he was trying to say. The frown was replaced by a sad little smile and Pierce thought he
saw the trail of a tiny, stray tear glisten on Noah’s cheek.
“Noah?”
“Yeah?”
“I mean it.” There was an awkward wobble in Pierce’s voice. He couldn’t help it, but he
couldn’t stand this state of uncertainty any longer. If Noah still wanted to leave, he needed to
know. And get it over with. “I want you to stay, more than anything else in this world.”
Noah looked at him with a strange expression in his troubled eyes. “Even if I’d been
unfaithful to you?”
Pierce winced but stood his ground. “Just don’t… I don’t want to know. If that’s the
price I’ll have to pay to still have you in my life, then so be it.”
Noah kept staring at him, saying nothing.
“What?” Pierce enquired. “What do you think?”
“I think that you’re fooling yourself if you’re honestly trying to make yourself believe
you could live with me cheating on you. We both know you couldn’t. But as I said—I just
can’t seem to make myself go away from you. And then there’s always the matter of Phin
and Pheebs. I’d hate to break up our family.”
“So… Where exactly does that leave us?”
“Well, if there is any chance we can still make this work, I’m willing to at least give it
another try. It depends on you—whether or not you believe you can live that way.”
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“I don’t have much choice, Noah,” Pierce whispered. “Of all the ways that there are, I’d
rather take the hardest and bumpiest with you than the smoothest if it means that I’ll have to
go it alone.”
* * * *
“How was it today?” Pierce asked when they had dropped into bed after yet another
endless working day.
Noah heaved a sigh and sneered. “Pretty much as chaotic and busy as the last four
weeks.”
“Poor darling,” Pierce cooed without irony.
Once again, Noah hadn’t come home from work until after eight o’clock and, once
again, they had got to exchange barely more than a quick, chaste welcome-home kiss and
two words during dinner before they’d turned in.
Noah was right. The last month had been crazy. His job had become extremely
demanding, requiring him to put in masses of extra-hours as it appeared that each and every
computer in Greater London was facing performance issues. Noah was struggling to keep up
with all the repair work being thrown at him. All the while, he was offering his big-brotherly
shoulder to Jonah, who had moved in with them for however long it was going to take him
to figure out what to do.
Jonah seemed to like living with them. It had soon turned out that he was, just like his
big brother, a computer nerd. Being introduced to Noah’s vast collection of electronic
gadgets had been like the discovery of paradise for him and the workshop had become his
favourite playground. He loved nothing better than spending as much of his day as he could
there, playing and experimenting with everything he could get his hands on before Noah
chased him away.
Usually, he was so thoroughly overenthusiastic about his days that he wouldn’t even
stop talking during dinner and entertained everyone who cared—or cared not—to listen with
his reports of his latest explorations in the field of information technology. As a consequence,
there wasn’t much else going on conversation-wise whenever he was present.
In a case of very unfortunate timing, Phin had entered a particularly severe phase of
teething, which entailed an unusual restlessness on his side. To make matters even worse,
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Phoebe seemed to be hitting the first stages of puberty and could more often than not be
found sulking around the house. She was driving her fathers close to despair with her
grumpy answers and I-don’t-care attitude. Especially Noah, who was trying to be patient
and understanding but couldn’t seem to get anything right in Phoebe’s suddenly so
unpredictable and unforgiving eyes and was having a hard time adapting to his baby girl’s
mood swings.
Altogether, the changes to their family’s situation meant that Noah and Pierce had been
getting barely any alone time in the weeks that had passed since their painful reconciliation.
On the upside, this hadn’t given them much time to think about the state of affairs between
them. On the downside, they hadn’t had the chance to resolve or even tackle their issues. As
a result, they had been mostly leading separate lives, chasing after all the tasks ahead of them
and falling into bed at night with nothing but a quick kiss goodnight.
Pierce didn’t mind much. Noah’s warm, solid body next to him still presented a certain
temptation but touching him was becoming a thought harder to face each day.
This evening was no difference.
“Seems Jonah is having a lot of fun with you,” Pierce said, carefully testing the waters.
“Well, he certainly enjoys being at the shop,” Noah replied, but he rolled onto his side,
facing Pierce. It seemed he was in an approachable mood and he had been relaxing about the
subject of his brother’s presence lately. Pierce took it as an invitation to pursue the topic.
“Did you guys finally get to talk? Apart from computers, I mean?”
“A bit. I filled him in on some details of our lives that Phoebe didn’t—or couldn’t.”
Noah let out a low chuckle. “He did look a bit baffled the other day when I told him we’d
used a surrogate mum for Phin.”
“Oh dear. You told him that?”
“Sure. Apparently he had thought you were swinging for both sides and the baby had
just been an accident like Pheebs. He even asked me if we had…” There was an almost
imperceptible pause before he continued, “an open relationship. I decided it was best to just
tell him the truth. He’s old enough to understand, after all.”
And what truth exactly did you tell him? Pierce wanted to ask. The one where we don’t have
an open relationship but you’re still exchanging text messages with a secret someone, but are at least
trying to hide it now? The one where you’re still going out once a week and I don’t know what you’re
up to? You claim you’re just seeing Shae, but I know there’s more. I can tell by the way you are
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afterwards. When you come home and can’t bear to look at me, or be around me. When you won’t let
me touch you and even lock yourself up in the bathroom.
Pierce didn’t ask any of those questions. He had prohibited himself from doing so. It
was the price he had offered to pay. Steering his thoughts back to the subject, he asked, “So
he knows how Phoebe came along?”
“Well, he does now.”
“Meaning you filled him in on the actual reason that made you leave your family?”
“Among other things, yes.”
“I can’t believe your parents didn’t tell him.”
“Oh, it’s not that they didn’t tell him as such. More like, they gave him a somewhat
edited version of what happened. All he knew was that I’d had an affair and left with the
child resulting from it so as not to dishonour the family any further. They even blamed me
for breaking the contact. Apparently they’ve been using me as the bad example to warn him
off sex before marriage.”
“Is he really gay?”
Noah made a sarcastic huffing sound. “I’ve no idea. He says he hasn’t been serious with
a guy yet, but hadn’t felt particularly interested in the girls he’d, uh, played around with
either. The way I see it, he’s just finding it hard to get started. Or maybe there was just no one
around who piqued his interest. Honestly, I assume that when Phoebe told him her daddy
was gay, he just figured that that might apply to him, too.”
“As in ‘it runs in the family’, huh?” Pierce smirked.
“Yes.” Noah sneered. “Like that.”
“What did he make of it?”
“Me leaving?” Noah wrinkled his forehead. “He was pretty… Well, I guess he could
understand my reason for leaving and not trying to get in touch ever since. After all, he got
some first-hand experience of how they react to having a queer son.”
“Your parents kicked him out, didn’t they?”
“More like they told him to never mention it again or to bugger off and never come
back. He says that was when he’d started putting two and two together and figured there
was more to their tale of why I’d left. It was one of the reasons he came here. He wanted to
find out what had really happened. And meet Pheebs, of course.”
“Looks like the two of them get on well,” Pierce said.
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Noah made a face. “Yes. Yes, they seem to have a connection, although I’m not sure
how deep that runs once you take away all the ‘we are family’ stuff Phoebe appears to be
into lately.”
“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”
“Probably.”
“So… Does that mean you’re okay for him to stay?”
Noah chuckled. “It’s a bit late to ask me that, isn’t it? He’s already more or less moved
in. Besides, it seems I haven’t got much choice anyway, what with Phoebe having appointed
him favourite relative of the year and you being all protective of him.” He shook his head
when Pierce tried to interrupt and continued, “It’s okay. I know he’s got nowhere else to go
right now and I don’t want him to end up living on the street somewhere either. Besides, he
offered to help me out at the shop a couple of hours a day and, the way things currently look
there, I’d be stupid not to accept.”
“That sounds just like what an affectionate older brother would say.” Pierce grinned.
Noah let out a sigh. “Pie, I hardly know him, don’t forget that. Apart from the fact that
he looks like me—or Pheebs, for that matter—there isn’t much that identifies him as my
brother to me.”
“Well, I guess after all these years without contact, you can’t be expected to feel close.
But that can grow, especially when you spend so much time together as the two of you do.”
“True. But we weren’t close as children either, remember?” Noah pointed out. “The age
gap was just too big and, besides, Jonah was with Anna a lot—that’s my older sister.”
“Hmm. For some reason I always thought you were the eldest,” Pierce said.
Noah raised his eyebrows. “Did you? Why?”
“Not sure. Maybe because of you always being so in control, so mature. That makes it
hard to picture you as a little boy trailing behind his big sister.”
“Nn-nn. Sarah’s the first, Anna next,” Noah explained. “Then me, three more girls—
Susanna, Sophia, Lena—and Jonah came last.”
“Wow. That makes seven. I didn’t know you had that many siblings.” In fact, Noah’s
siblings had never been a topic, just as Noah’s entire family had never been mentioned
beyond what had been dragged into the open when they had first been together. His family’s
response to him being gay had been about as bad as it got—above all his father’s reaction.
The man who should have loved and supported Noah throughout hadn’t been able to accept
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that his son was gay and had done his best to beat what he considered an unforgiveable sin
out of him instead. The severe corporal punishment Noah had received at his hands had
nearly broken him, both physically and mentally.
Noah grimaced. “Well, I told you my parents are strict Catholics. Birth control isn’t
popular with that lot. At least not once you’re married. I can’t even remember a time when
my mother wasn’t either pregnant or had a baby dangling from her breast—or both.”
“Oh, come on. It can’t have been that bad. Three children in the eleven years between
you and Jonah doesn’t sound like no birth control at all. Maybe your parents just like
children.”
“Yeah, sure. As long as they do as they’re told and don’t want to have lives of their
own,” Noah muttered, then he frowned. “Besides, my mother had at least two miscarriages
that I know of. And one baby… Didn’t survive. Apparently it was the same heart defect
Phoebe was born with. At least that’s what my mother said. He didn’t make it beyond the
first year.”
“He?”
Noah gave a weak nod. “Yeah. He was their first-born son. I only got the space when he
was no longer there. He would have also been their overall eldest child if he’d survived, by
the way.”
“I’m sorry, love. Really.”
Noah shrugged. “Don’t be. I never even knew him. He’d been dead for five years when
I was born.”
“Still… It’s sad when a baby dies,” Pierce said, trying not to think about what that
knowledge must have meant for Noah, who had been raising a child with the same
congenital heart defect. A heart defect he carried the predisposition for.
“What was his name?”
Noah didn’t look up as he said, “Noah.”
“They gave you the same name?” Pierce asked.
“Yes.”
There was no need to ask how Noah felt about that. He probably would have given a
more or less elusive answer if Pierce had insisted on pursuing the issue, but Pierce knew
better than to push him—and his own luck—any further.
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As it was, Noah had for once shared his feelings willingly. He stared into space for a
moment, then let out a miserable little huff. “Kind of ironic, isn’t it? I got the name but I bet
I’m the one they wish they’d lost instead. I’ve never been the son they wanted, not even
before they knew what a failure I would turn out to be. And if it’s true about Jonah being
gay, too, then, well…”
“Out of seven children, there are two boys and they both are gay,” Pierce finished. “It is
kind of ironic, really.” It was also sad that Noah had obviously never stood a chance to fill
the shoes his parents had designated for him.
“Yeah, although maybe it’s for the best. Maybe it’s Nature’s way of making sure we
don’t pass on our faulty genes or whatever,” Noah said.
Pierce let out a long sigh. He wanted to wrap his arms around Noah, hold him close
and tell him not to blame himself for having given Phoebe a defective heart along with life.
But Noah had rolled on his back and was staring at the ceiling. It wasn’t much of a surprise
that he tried to cope with the family talk by using his usual defence mechanism—keeping
himself emotionally detached as best he could.
Unable to resist giving Noah at least a little sign of affection, Pierce leaned in and
brushed a tender little kiss on his lips. Just as he wondered whether or not the action was
appreciated, Noah let out a groan. Pushing up in a swift motion, he flipped Pierce on his
back and rolled on top of him. That was another usual defence mechanism of Noah’s—
channelling his negative energy into physical action—sex, preferably.
He was hard already. The eager ridge of his erection pressed into Pierce’s thigh while
Noah claimed his mouth with a hungry, almost desperate kiss. It was unexpected, although,
knowing Noah, maybe he should have been prepared for it. Pierce had had an exhausting
day at work too, but, unlike Noah, he could unwind best by simply lying back and relaxing a
bit.
That was definitely not what Noah was in the mood for, though. Encircling Pierce’s
wrists with his fingers, he made him raise his arms above his head as he parted his legs with
an impatient nudge of his knee. On any normal night, Noah taking charge like this would
have been highly arousing. Pierce just wasn’t in the mood. He was plain tired and all the
recent events had left him mentally exhausted, too. Not to mention the fact that he couldn’t
seem to stop thinking about what Noah was doing on his nights out.
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But then there was that little voice inside his head telling him that their sex life had been
almost non-existent for the past weeks. A couple of awkward blow jobs late in the evening,
when they had both been too guilt-ridden not to do it, but exhausted enough to let it be an
excuse for not doing anything more. He could have probably counted the times they’d had
sex on one hand—if he had wanted to remember them, which he didn’t. What he still
remembered vividly was how disappointing the last two times before that had been for
Noah. How he had seen to Pierce’s pleasure without receiving much satisfaction in return
and yet had never complained, at least not in words.
Pierce stifled a sigh. With any luck, Noah would make it quick. He certainly didn’t
seem to want to take it slowly seeing as he was dry-humping Pierce already, grinding their
cocks together in a not entirely gentle way. Maybe, with a little encouragement, he wouldn’t
last too long. Flexing his hips, Pierce pushed up a bit to offer Noah more friction. Noah let
out a long, deep groan.
“It’s okay, love,” Pierce whispered into his ear. “Just let go whenever you’re ready.”
“Nn-nn,” Noah hummed, a little breathlessly. “Get on your knees.”
“Noah, I—”
“Please, baby. Please. Let me fuck you.” It didn’t sound much like begging at all. More
like an order. Pierce obeyed. He rolled on his belly then pushed up on his knees, offering
himself to Noah.
“Oh, fuck, I want you so much.” Noah panted.
“I want you, too,” Pierce replied, trying to tell himself that he did. It still didn’t feel like
it. Sure, his body was happy enough to utter an invitation when Noah skilfully coaxed
Pierce’s muscles into relaxation, but it was all happening so fast that Pierce’s mind just
couldn’t catch up.
Noah pushed in as soon as Pierce could be declared ready. He liked this position and,
normally, so did Pierce. The angle allowed Noah to rub him in all the right places with the
feeling of exposure adding a nice little kick for Pierce.
But not this time. It felt cold and distant. Pierce would have preferred to at least see
Noah’s face, his eyes, as they did it, but, when he tried to twist around to look at his lover,
Noah pushed him back into place with strong, unrelenting hands on Pierce’s hips.
Noah climaxed mercifully soon. Pierce felt the pulsing of Noah’s cock deep inside his
body, but he himself wasn’t anywhere near the point of no return yet. It wasn’t unusual for
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Noah to come first, although, normally, he would try to wait for Pierce, changing the angle to
make it more intense for him until he had caught up with Noah’s pace.
This time, all Noah offered him was his hand around Pierce’s shaft but the timing was
off. Noah’s erection was already fading and slipping out of Pierce’s body, breaking the
connection Noah was trying to re-establish with his fist. It didn’t work.
It was confusing. Annoying, almost. Pierce was just not there with him and Noah
making an effort to jerk him off with increasing determination only emphasised that fact.
It wouldn’t work. Pierce’s arousal slipped away from him with every stubborn stroke of
Noah’s hand, every clenching of his fingers that was supposed to make it tighter, better for
Pierce until he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Let me,” he muttered and pushed Noah’s hand away. He heard Noah gasp in surprise,
but clearly he knew better than to cling on to the unlikely hope that he could make it work
for Pierce, after all. Pierce reached for his own flesh, enveloping his frustrated shaft in the
sheath of his own fist and pumped with the same near-desperate determination to bring
himself off that Noah had shown.
When the familiar tingle finally started in his groin, it didn’t bring the relief it should
have. Pierce’s orgasm was hard, cold and unsatisfying. Very representative of the act itself,
he thought bitterly, as he felt Noah shift away, probably to reach for the box of tissues.
Yes, right. There was the familiar sound of paper being ripped out of a carton, then
Noah handed him a few tissues to clean himself up.
Pierce wiped himself down as best he could in his awkward position. He could tell
what Noah was doing by the way he moved behind him.
“Want me to…?” Noah offered, leaving the question unfinished. Not that he needed to
say it. There had been a time, just a little over a month ago, when Noah cleaning up the mess
he’d left on and in Pierce’s body with gentle fingers would have been an intimate act of care
and affection. Now it felt too close to be comfortable for either of them.
“Nn-nn.” Grateful when Noah didn’t need to be told to move out of the way but just
rolled over to his side of the bed, Pierce got up. He took care of the worst before he hobbled
to the bathroom. Much as he liked feeling Noah bare, this part was something he really
didn’t need.
Bare.
The word was in the cold, clinical solitude of the bathroom with him.
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Noah had fucked him bare. Of course he had. They hadn’t used a condom in over five
years and putting one on now would have certainly raised questions. Noah wasn’t stupid.
He would know that, which meant that he either didn’t care or knowingly took the risk. A
small risk, admittedly, if he had been careful, but still…
Pierce splashed his face with cold water. He was exaggerating. He was acting as though
he knew for certain that Noah was guilty, not like he merely suspected it.
That one time, he hadn’t seen it coming. Not at all. And in all probability, if he hadn’t
happened to literally walk in on Noah fucking the little twink, he never would have known.
He had promised himself to know in time if it was ever about to happen again. If they ever
drifted so far away from each other again that Noah felt the desire to be with someone else.
Now they had drifted away to different sides of an ocean, but Pierce just didn’t know if
Noah was keeping his promise of fidelity or not. That was the downside of the wish he’d
made. He didn’t know. And, perhaps, would never know. It was the price he’d claimed he
was willing to pay to keep the life he was used to—the life where Noah was at his side—but
he was beginning to wonder if, maybe, it was too high a price after all.
Noah was fast asleep when Pierce slipped into bed with him, or maybe he was just
pretending. Pierce didn’t try to find out. He settled on his side, his back turned to Noah’s,
and tried to find the sleep that he knew wouldn’t come.
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Chapter Seven
“So, how are things between you and my favourite brother-in-law?” Francis asked in a
light-hearted tone as he poured Pierce a glass of wine.
Pierce let out a non-committal snort and took a rather large gulp. The two didn’t really
go together, and some of the wine went down his windpipe. Although he managed not to
choke on it, the resulting little cough that slipped out of his burning throat didn’t escape
Francis’ attention.
“That good, huh?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Pierce admitted. “Maybe you should ask Shae that.”
Francis’ eyebrows went up a notch. “Why Shae?”
“Because he seems to be seeing a lot more of Noah recently than I do. At least I hope it’s
Shae who Noah’s spending his time with.”
“Ah, I see.” A knowing smile on his face, Francis nodded compassionately. “Jealous, are
you?”
“Yes. Yes, I am jealous.”
“Pie, sweetheart, they’re friends. And sometimes a friend is the most important person
in a man’s life.”
“More important than the man he lives with? More important than his husband?”
“Yes.” Francis made the statement without batting an eyelid. “Noah is an exceptional
man, Pierce. We both know that. But he is a man. Don’t forget that. He’s got his faults and
weaknesses, just like everybody else. Don’t deny him that.”
“I’m not denying him that. But… I wish he’d just talk to me about whatever is bugging
him, not spend his time talking to Shae about it. If that really is what he’s been doing lately.”
“Sometimes the ones we are closest to are not the ones we can confide our deepest
secrets in,” Francis said.
Pierce glared at him. “Oh, you’re so fucking sage, aren’t you? I know that and, believe it
or not, I’m absolutely okay with him and Shae doing their thing together, I—”
“Funny how you don’t sound like it at all.”
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“I am okay with it,” Pierce insisted. “I just want to know what’s going on inside that
fucking mulish Irish head of his. He used to be able to talk to me, but recently it’s like—”
“Like what?” Francis pressed but Pierce found that he couldn’t finish the sentence. Soft,
but strong fingers closed around his. Fingers used to swinging a whip or paddle for minutes
on end, Pierce thought irrationally. So efficient in dealing out pain and yet so capable of
bringing comfort with the gentleness of their touch. In a way, it was characteristic of Francis
himself. He knew how to inflict excruciating physical pain on a willing sub, but could just as
well soothe the aches of a soul in distress.
“Like when you started going out, you mean?” he said, once again proving his unerring
talent of knowing precisely what was going on inside his brother’s head.
“Yes,” Pierce whispered, feeling dreadful.
“And what do you think is his reason for that?”
“I don’t know.”
“I see. Well, it’s not that bad then, is it? After all, what you don’t know can’t hurt you,
can it?”
“Francis, you’re an evil old bugger.” Pierce groaned. “You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t,” Francis objected. “Because you’re not telling me. Although I’m guessing
that, even if you don’t know as such, you have something on your mind. How about you just
tell me what’s got you in such a huff?”
“I’m not in a huff.”
“Pierce, just spit it out.”
“I can’t. It’s too horrible.”
Francis took a sip of his drink and shrugged. “Okay. Fair enough. If you don’t want to
talk about what you’re thinking, we won’t talk about it. And if you don’t know what’s going
on inside Noah’s head, then you’ll just have to ask him or wait until he is ready to let you in
on the secret. It’s as simple as that.”
Heaving a sigh, Pierce picked up his glass and gulped down some more of his wine.
Francis could be a nuisance sometimes with his rational and unbiased approach to even the
most agonising matters.
“I think Noah’s cheating on me,” Pierce blurted out before he even knew he was going
to say it.
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Francis’ expression hadn’t changed but for the kind smile that had appeared on his lips.
“There, that wasn’t that hard now, was it?”
“For fuck’s sake, France!” Pierce grumbled. “I just confessed that I believe my husband
is cheating on me. Of course it was hard. But I know I shouldn’t expect you to understand.
After all, you have no problem letting Shae fuck around with other guys.”
“That’s different,” Francis said. “And just for the record, I’m letting him fuck with other
guys only for as long as it’s part of a scene. That applies to both of us, by the way. Neither of
us would tolerate the other doing it with someone outside of that and we always talk about it
beforehand and make sure we’re both okay with it.”
“I told Noah I was okay with it,” Pierce choked out. His anger had evaporated as
suddenly as it had flared up, leaving him even more miserable than before.
“You’re not okay with it, though,” Francis observed, as always with unnerving
accuracy.
Pierce let out a sad little chuckle that sounded like a sob. “You know what? That’s
exactly what I used to think, but the funny thing is, I love him too much to let him go. I’d do
anything to keep him. Anything. Francis, I love him. And I love him. Just the way he is. If this
is what he needs, if he craves…those experiences, then maybe I have no right to deny him
that and I shouldn’t judge him for it. Maybe I’ll just have to accept that this is a part of who
he is, even if it is something we will never agree on.”
“Hm. I must admit there is a certain, albeit incredibly twisted, logic behind this,”
Francis said. “I’m not sure you can pull this through, though, to be perfectly honest with you.
However, there is just one way to find out.”
“Yeah, I know,” Pierce confirmed. “Give it a try and see what happens.”
“Yes. Exactly. Am I right assuming that you have been giving it a try for some time
now?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Ah. Well, then I guess you’ll probably have to keep seeing a bit more of what happens.
Speaking of seeing—why don’t we move around a bit? I’ve been hiding here with you for
long enough now. I should really be showing my wrinkly old face around the club a bit and
say hello to London’s finest deviants. Want to tag along?”
Pierce let out a shaky sigh but nodded. Trust Francis to take him to the very abyss of his
darkest thoughts and leave him there to ponder on his own for a while. It was his way of
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giving Pierce time to reflect before they would take the issue to the next, yet more painful,
level.
* * * *
Having been a member of honour of the club ever since Francis had opened it all those
years ago, Pierce knew his way around as well as any of the proper players—deviants, as
Francis liked to call them. He knew most of the regulars, at least from sight. It was impossible
not to, because whenever he was there in Francis’ company, someone would approach
Francis to talk to him about one thing or other. Sometimes the issues were discussed right in
front of Pierce, sometimes, if the subject was a more delicate one, Francis would excuse
himself to continue the conversation in a more private setting. Predictably, it took less than
five minutes before Francis was whisked away by a mute, but nonetheless determined-
looking sub.
Pierce didn’t mind being left alone for a while. He had enough on his mind to keep him
busy and was used to moving around the club on his own. He was also used to seeing all
kinds of kinks and fantasies acted out in front of him. He had long since grown used to even
the more shocking ones. What he had never quite managed to get used to, however, was
witnessing the onstage sex some of the more exhibitionist club members enjoyed. It always
left him with a bitter aftertaste because, to him, sex was something private. Just like his
partner, it was not meant to be shared with others.
He was at the back of the club, walking past the smallest and least used of the three
stages. As he looked up, Pierce noticed that the two guys on the stage were apparently very
willing to share their sex life, as well as their respective partner, with everyone who cared to
look.
Bent over a spanking bench, tied up and blindfolded, the sub was helplessly exposed to
whatever the Top wanted to do to him. Right now it seemed that all the Top had in mind was
to pound into his arse over and over again, hard enough to bruise.
The details didn’t really register with Pierce, though. What registered was that one of
the partners in question looked a hell of a lot like Noah—and the position he was in brought
back painful memories of a scene in a restaurant’s storage room almost six years ago.
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Pierce couldn’t help checking for characteristics he would be able to recognise. It was a
bit difficult, because the man’s back was turned and most of his legs were covered in leather
chaps, but the similarities to Noah were unmistakable. It was the same type of pale-skinned,
lean-muscled body. Short, dark brown curls. The distinct, sharply angled jaw line that Pierce
could just about spot when the man’s head moved in time with his deep thrusts…
He had seen enough. So that was Noah’s dirty secret. Everything that Pierce had been
torturing himself with for the past weeks, every twisted, absurd fantasy was not even
remotely as appalling as the truth he’d just stumbled upon. Of course Noah hadn’t wanted to
share this with him. It was a surprise he had the nerve to indulge in this deviation at Francis’
club, of all places. And Francis, the overly liberal, depraved devil, must have known about it
and he had covered for Noah. Maybe even introduced him to the guy who was currently
bent over the bench and getting his arse ploughed. Short and skinny, the man even looked
like that little twink Noah had fucked all those years ago.
Pierce felt his legs give out. Swaying, he grasped with flailing arms for the first thing
close enough for him to cling on to. His clenching fingers found a strong, leather-clad male
arm.
Too horrified to even be able to think about what he was doing, Pierce held on. So what
if the poor chap who’d stood beside him ended up with a few bruises? In all probability he
was enjoying it, more or less secretly. Although, maybe he wasn’t. He seemed to be saying
something rather urgent to Pierce. A plea to let go, perhaps?
It took Pierce a long moment to recognise the voice. When he did, he also became aware
of just how familiar that strong arm felt. And that scent—man, leather and just a hint of a
well-known fragrance—appealed to an area of his brain beyond the one that had just
declared it would rather shut down entirely than believe what it had seen.
“Steady, baby.” The voice was rough in Pierce’s ear but, at the same time, it was the
sweetest sound he had ever heard.
“You… You are here,” Pierce choked out.
“Yes. I’m here,” Noah confirmed in a hoarse whisper.
“I, oh fuck, I thought…” Pierce snatched a shaky breath. “I thought you, uh, you
were…”
“The guy up there on that stage?” Noah let out a soft chuckle. “Nn-nn. I thought it’s
what you would think. That’s Shae, indulging his toppy side.”
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Pierce did a double-take. “That’s Shae? Fuck, you guys could really pass as twins,
especially if… Um…”
“Especially if you get to see what you’ve been expecting all along,” Noah finished in a
gentle tone.
“Uh, right.”
Looking down pointedly, Noah flexed his arm a little, reminding Pierce that his fingers
were still clenching around it. “Is this how okay you are with me fucking other guys?”
The words had Pierce wince. “I told you—if it is what you need, then I’ll be okay with
it,” he answered, trying hard to get a grip on himself while loosening the hold he had on
Noah’s arm.
“Yeah,” Noah snapped as his infamous temper flared up at last. “So okay in fact that
you can’t even enjoy it anymore when I fuck you!”
“You knew?”
Noah glared at him and let out an entirely humourless snort. “Of fucking course I knew.
Do you really believe that after six years I can’t tell when you’re faking?” The anger in his
voice was laced with hurt and frustration. For the first time, Pierce began to realise that he
was not the only one suffering in the appalling situation they’d got themselves into.
“I thought I could handle it, Noah,” he whispered. “I really did. I couldn’t stand the
thought of losing you. Hell, I still can’t. I thought that if you could get what you wanted
elsewhere then you would at least stay with me. I want you to be happy, Noah. More than
anything else, I want you to be happy. Even if it makes my own life hell.”
“Oh fuck, Pierce,” Noah sighed. “I still don’t know if I should kiss you or punch you for
that. Don’t you get that what I need to be happy is, above all, you? I don’t want you to torture
yourself by letting me indulge in promiscuity, which, incidentally, I have not the least desire
to indulge in anyway.”
“No?”
Groaning, Noah rolled his eyes. “No! For fuck’s sake, Pierce—how many times do I
have to tell you? I strayed once, yes. We all know that by now, but I’ve learnt my lesson. I’ve
learnt it and I’ll never stop regretting what I did. There is no one else. There never has been
anyone else since that one sodding time. You are the only one for me.” He let out an irritable
snort. “I never even feel attracted to other men anymore.”
Pierce raised his eyebrows. “You don’t? To no one?”
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“No. At least not enough to want to act on it.” Noah heaved a sigh. “Look, Pierce, I
know where I belong. I want you. Just you and no one but you, okay? And I think it’s time
you started believing it.”
“Okay.” Pierce nodded, trying to wrap his mind around what Noah had just said. “I
will try to do that, then. Just one question—if infidelity is not the reason for all your secrecy
and the mess we’re in, then what is?”
Noah winced. “Oh. That. Well… I think we need to talk.”
* * * *
Noah’s determined calm had faltered a little by the time they had occupied a table. It
was one of those that were tucked in a little niche to provide an intimate, almost cosy,
atmosphere but the setting was wasted on Noah. He fidgeted and kept craning his neck to
watch the crowd rather than looking Pierce in the eye.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Pierce asked. It wasn’t as if he was keen on
getting the conversation started. No man in his right mind wanted to get a conversation
started that had been announced with the words ‘We need to talk’. And yet, when it came to
Noah, Pierce had just come to understand that knowing was indeed better than being left in
the dark with only his most terrorising thoughts to keep him company.
Taking a deep breath, Noah shifted his attention to Pierce. “Us.”
“Uh-oh.”
“Maybe. Hopefully not, though.” Noah made a face. “We should have done this weeks
ago, but, well, I guess we both know we weren’t ready for it and there’s no point crying over
spilt milk now. First and foremost—I love you. I want you to know that. I also want you to
know that that’s not going to change, regardless of how you respond to what I’m going to tell
you tonight.”
“Fuck, Noah.” Pierce groaned, shaky with apprehension. “I love you, too, but right now
you’re scaring me. Could you please just tell me what you have to say and get this over
with?”
“Sure.” Noah let out a nervous little laugh. “And here I was hoping I could buy myself
some time sweet-talking you,” he joked but turned serious again almost instantly.
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“You see, the thing I’ve been keeping from you—the secret, if that’s what you want to
call it—is that I’ve been… I’ve been letting myself get flogged.”
Pierce felt a dozen different emotions race through him, trying to make it to the surface
of his conscious all at once. The most prominent ones were surprise. Shock. Confusion. A
hint of slightly hysterical amusement at the thought of Noah, of all people, letting himself
get… He choked. Coughed. “You—what?”
“You heard,” Noah said very quietly.
“Right. Flogged. Uh, I think I’d like a drink. One that is not water, preferably,” Pierce
spluttered. The bombshell Noah had just dropped on him rendered him illogical, but he
made an effort to pull himself together when he looked at Noah.
He took in the stony face, the way Noah chewed his bottom lip, and suddenly the
emotion that stood out stronger than any of the others was love. Deep and—as he had come
to recognise—unconditional.
“Tell me.”
“There isn’t much to tell, really,” Noah said. “That night, when we had the fight and I
was supposed to meet Shae, I got here and I was a complete mess. It wasn’t just the fight.
Everything had been getting on top of me for quite some time before that. It was all
becoming too much, somehow, and I didn’t know what to do anymore. I couldn’t seem to
stop thinking, and I was having trouble sleeping. And then, my last line, the one thing I used
to be able to count on to keep me going—you—was not on my side anymore either.”
“I’m always on your side, Noah,” Pierce corrected.
“Yeah, maybe. But it didn’t feel like you were at the time. There was all that crap at
work, and then you were constantly on about how great this waste of space Bruno was—”
“Don’t get started again,” Pierce warned. “He may not be the sharpest knife in the
drawer but he’s okay.”
“He’s not, though!” Noah protested. “He’s not okay, Pie. He’s a fucking pain in the
arse.”
Taking in the indignant expression on Noah’s face, Pierce felt a quite inappropriate
cheerfulness rise inside him. “Noah? Are you jealous? Of Bruno?”
Huffing, Noah dropped his gaze for a moment before he looked up again. “Jealous?
Me? Of that dumbass Bruno, of all people? That’s ridiculous.”
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Pierce couldn’t help smirking. This insecure, self-conscious side of Noah was a rare
sight and, in a somewhat warped way, exceptionally cute. “You are, aren’t you?”
Chewing his lip, Noah stared back at him. “Yes,” he hissed after a moment. “Yes, I am
fucking jealous! For weeks, it’s been Bruno this and Bruno that. Honestly, if the way you’ve
been constantly praising all his wonderful talents doesn’t give a guy some serious self-
doubts, then I don’t know what does.”
“But I’ve only been trying to make you see how much help he could be to you!” Pierce
pointed out. “You are the one who keeps complaining about having to do all the
undemanding, boring stuff that is eating up your time. I’ve been meaning to make your life
easier by hiring an assistant for you.”
“Yes, maybe.” Noah groaned and grimaced. “But seriously—Bruno?”
“Well, why not? It’s not his fault that you’ve got exceptionally high expectations. The
way I see it, he deserves a chance. He may be a bit young and inexperienced, but he has the
qualifications—at least in theory, which is more than the other candidates could offer—and
he is a good guy.”
“He is not a good guy!” Noah grumbled. “At least not as good as you give him credit
for. It’s not my style to blow the whistle. That’s why I’ve never said anything before but… I
overheard him a couple of weeks ago. He was talking to that blonde bimbo from
accountancy—what’s her name? Stephanie something, I think. They were bitching about
some of the others and got started on you. She said she was actually quite pleased with you
as a boss and was glad that you didn’t eye her up whenever she walks past you the way the
other guys did. That was when Bruno started rattling on about how he thinks it’s weird to
have a gay boss but that he figures you’ve got the hots for him, so that, when it comes to you,
there really isn’t much he can do wrong.”
“Oh.” Pierce needed a moment to digest this. “Phew. That’s what he said?”
“Pierce! Of course it is what he said, otherwise I wouldn’t be claiming it was!” Noah
huffed.
“Okay, okay.” Disappointment gnawed at Pierce. Disappointment and, as he was
beginning to see the matter from Noah’s point of view, guilt. “I’m sorry, love. I’ve been
awfully short-sighted when it comes to Bruno, haven’t I? I just thought he needed a bit of
encouragement and a chance to get himself on the right track. He seemed to have the
potential.”
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“Well, maybe he has the potential,” Noah muttered. “Unfortunately he’s not helping
himself with his behaviour. But that’s just my humble opinion.”
“Don’t worry. I see it just the same.” Pierce let out a sigh. “I suppose that means I’ll
have to make a little statement so he knows just how much his boss does not have the hots
for him. Anyway, sweetheart, as much as I appreciate this piece of information from a
company manager’s point of view, I’m afraid we got sidetracked a bit.” He gave Noah a
tender smile. “Or was that you buying time again?”
Noah’s expression grew sheepish but he held Pierce’s enquiring gaze. “I wanted to tell
you anyway. This may not have been the perfect moment, but I believe we still have enough
time to address the truly important matter.”
“Oh, crap.” Pierce groaned. “You have been spending a lot of time with Francis lately,
haven’t you? That sounded just like what he would say.”
A lopsided grin lit up Noah’s troubled face. “Yeah, well, he does get into your head,
doesn’t he?”
“Oh, he certainly does,” Pierce agreed. “So anyway—you were telling me about that
evening we fought and you met with Shae.”
“Yes. Right.” The haunted expression was back in Noah’s eyes. “Well, it was just that,
basically. I’d been having a hard time as it was, and then, on top of it all, we fought. Shae was
pretty sympathetic and listened to me whine and mope for ages. Poor thing.”
Shae. Just why does everything seem to involve Shae lately? “Is he the one who…?” Pierce
asked, relieved when Noah shook his head.
“Nn-nn. He’s the one who suggested I try it initially, but he never flogged me. We felt
that it wouldn’t be right somehow, because… Well, because…”
“Because the two of you are too close.”
Noah nodded. “He’s my best friend, Pierce. My only just-friend. He’s the only one who
knows me but isn’t, uh, involved with me. And we wanted to keep it like that. I don’t feel
attracted to him.” He made a face. “I mean, sure, he’s hot, but I could never be with him that
way—not last ‘cause he looks just too much like family for me to be comfortable about it.”
Turning serious, he continued, “Francis said that sometimes in a scene, um, things
happen. He’s used to that and knows how to handle it. Shae does, too, at least to a certain
extent, what with him having been a service Top and all that. But we still thought it would
be—safer that way. More appropriate, so to speak. And it wasn’t just about the sexual aspect,
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either. Francis already knows that side of me from when he worked with me all those years
ago. He can anticipate my reactions, my triggers and my freak-outs better than anyone else.
Sorry,” he whispered when Pierce winced.
“It’s okay,” Pierce answered. “I’ve known all along that he’s got to see a side of you I
never have—and probably never will.”
Staring at the table, Noah didn’t say anything for a long moment. When he looked up
again, the blue ice of his eyes was ablaze with emotions.
“I wanted it to be you, Pierce,” he whispered in a tear-choked voice. “More than
anything, I wanted to go there with you. I wanted you to be the one who…” He swallowed
and turned away, seemingly still unable to put his secret into words. Still unable to disclose
what must be his darkest desire.
“You…want me to flog you?” Pierce asked. He was having a hard time coming to terms
with all this. It was near impossible to imagine Noah, of all people, tied up to a St Andrews
Cross and getting the living daylights flogged out of him. Noah, who had been forced to
endure the excruciating pain of a bullwhip’s licks more than one time too many. The scars it
had left on him were still there—on his body and his soul—and sometimes they showed, in
spite of all his stubborn determination to ignore them.
“I’m sorry,” Noah said in a low, hoarse voice. “I know it’s something you’re not
comfortable with. That’s part of the reason I didn’t want to tell you. I know I can’t ask this of
you, it’s just… I just wanted you to know that, if the choice was mine, I’d rather it was you
than Francis.”
“Oh, Noah, sweetheart. I wish I’d known. I wish I could have been there for you. I’m so
sorry, love. You’re right, it should have been me. I should have been there with you and seen
you through it.”
He paused, trying to find the words to phrase his feelings but Noah was faster. He
made a sad little sound, something between a chuckle and a sob, and said, “Go on. I know
there’s a but. I’ve known it all along, so just say it. It’s all right.”
“Yes.” Pierce nodded. “You’re right. Again. It is something I’m not comfortable with.
I’m sorry, love, but hurting someone is just not something I’m good at. Especially not if that
someone happens to be the man I love more than anyone else on this planet.” He drew a
breath that, even in his own ears, sounded terribly like a snuffle. He forced himself to
continue as calmly as he could, although the memories that had started welling up were
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about to choke him. “I was there, Noah. I saw how much what Robert did to you messed you
up. I could never do that to you. Not even if you asked me to. If pain is what you want, then
I’m afraid you’ll really have to look elsewhere.”
“I know,” Noah said so quietly Pierce could barely hear him. “I know. Just…do you
think you’ll be okay with me looking elsewhere? Well, as far as Francis, that is?”
Pierce considered the question for a moment. “I guess I don’t have much choice, really,
if you think you need it. Frankly, I don’t understand where this is all coming from so
suddenly, but I’m much more comfortable with the idea of you letting yourself get whipped
by France than with what I’ve been thinking you were up to so far. Which reminds me—why
on earth didn’t you tell me before? Why did you let me believe that you were having an
affair?”
“It’s not as though I wanted you to believe that,” Noah said. “But you were so fucking
convinced that I was you wouldn’t even listen to me. I wanted to tell you, Pierce. The very
next morning after it happened, I was trying to tell you.”
“But you didn’t tell me,” Pierce pointed out.
“No,” Noah confirmed. “No, I didn’t. I was confused. A mess. I didn’t understand what
had happened that had made me actually enjoy it. But I was ready to talk to you, even
though I knew you wouldn’t appreciate it. I know it’s not your thing, but I wanted you to
know anyway. And then, when I tried to explain…”
“I pretty much accused you of having fucked around,” Pierce finished for him.
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry, love, but, seriously, there’s no way I would have ever imagined you—you—
in a flogging session. Especially not as the one on the receiving end.”
“Yeah, well,” Noah grumbled. “It wasn’t exactly what I’d been anticipating either.” A
guarded expression turned up in his eyes as he said, “There is something else, though.
Something more…uh, saucy.”
“Saucy? Oh, gosh.” Pierce raised his eyebrows. “What could possibly be saucier than
you getting whipped by my brother?”
“Not whipped—flogged,” Noah corrected, then he added, “I got off on it.”
Pierce froze. “You—what?”
“You heard.” Noah’s voice was tight with mortification and he wouldn’t quite meet
Pierce’s eyes. “Just once. The one before last time.”
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“Are you saying you…actually came when Francis flogged you?” It wasn’t quite as bad
as what he had been imagining, but this scenario wasn’t a comforting one either.
“Huh?” For a second, Noah looked confused, then he shook his head vigorously. “No!
No, I didn’t come as such, but it turned me on far more than I ever expected it would. I mean,
Francis had said before that it might happen. It was the reason he did the scene with me
rather than Shae. Apparently it has something to do with the areas of the brain that respond
to pain and pleasure being closely connected, but… I just never thought I would react like
that. It’s never happened before.”
Pierce rubbed his forehead. This was so weird. He wondered if perhaps he was just
dreaming, tucked up safe and sound in his bed at home with his subconscious playing games
on him. But not even his subconscious could come up with a story this obscure.
“That’s…uh, unexpected,” he said, not for the first time during that conversation.
“I know. And I’m so fucking sorry, Pierce. If I’d known I’d respond to it like that I never
would have done it. Or, at least, I would’ve asked Francis to stop the scene earlier but it
happened so fast. One minute I was just aching, the next I was, uh…” Blushing, he bit his lip.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated.
“Sweetheart, there’s no need to be sorry,” Pierce said, and, to his surprise, he meant it.
Noah’s reaction to the flogging had been an unintentional one, after all. No more than a
purely instinctive response of his body to a stimulation that perhaps shouldn’t have aroused
him, but was just as uncontrollable as the pleasure people took in receiving a massage. Noah
feeling guilty about it was the best confirmation that he had, indeed, never intended to
derive sexual enjoyment from it.
“But I am sorry!” Noah protested. “It’s confusing and I should have never let it get that
far. I didn’t even want do it anymore after that, but France said it was likely that it wouldn’t
always have that effect on me. It didn’t, the last time, although it still, uh, got me hard a bit,”
he admitted, still sounding embarrassed.
“It’s okay, love. It’s okay. I’m not holding it against you. I’ve spent enough time with
Francis to know that these things happen.” Pierce reached out and took Noah’s hand in his.
“But I think we’re drawing the line at the same limit. After all, I know what it’s like to be a
guy. Sometimes you just get turned on even though you don’t want it and the situation is
inappropriate. The difference is what we make of it. You didn’t act on it, even though you
could have. You could have just let Francis continue and take you all the way. But you
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didn’t. And that, combined with you looking so damn guilty about it now, tells me more
than anything that I can trust you. I’m just sorry that it’s taken me so long to figure that out,
love. I really shouldn’t have doubted you the way I did.”
Noah stared at him with wide eyes. “So…you forgive me?”
Pierce smiled. “I just told you, sweetheart. There is nothing to forgive because I don’t
think you’re to blame for what happened. Just because I can’t relate to you enjoying getting
yourself flogged doesn’t make it wrong. And if your body merely responds to something it
enjoys, then that’s not cheating. Yet.”
“Wow.” Noah was silent for a while, apparently needing time to let Pierce’s words sink
in. “So… Does that mean you’re okay with it? As long as we don’t take it too far, of course?”
“Yes.” Pierce gave Noah’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “Yes, I’m okay with it. By the
way, what does France say about all this?”
Noah smirked. “He thinks I’m finally discovering the fact that there’s a very fine line
between pleasure and pain and that I have a masochistic streak in me after all.”
“He must be over the moon.”
“Of course he is. We’re talking about Francis, after all.”
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Chapter Eight
“France?”
“Hello, Pierce.” Francis’ voice came cool and clear over the phone. Only the amused
tone in it hinted at him being in the midst of doing something very enjoyable—probably
tying Shae into knots or torturing the poor thing with a piece of his vast collection of tools
and toys.
Pierce ignored it. If Francis was too busy to talk to him, he wouldn’t have answered the
phone at all. Besides, this was an emergency.
“I need your help.”
“Ah, right. I thought you would. Why don’t you meet me at my office at four? We
should be quite alone then.”
“Fine. I’ll be there.”
* * * *
In accordance with Francis’ words, they were quite alone. The ‘quite’ came, as was to be
expected, in the shape of Shae, who somehow managed to blend in so well with his
surroundings that he looked more like a piece of office paraphernalia than a very handsome,
barely dressed man.
Francis greeted Pierce with a knowing, lopsided smile. Not bothering to ask what Pierce
wanted, he sent Shae off to fetch drinks—mineral water with a twist of lemon. At last he got
up from his desk and pulled Pierce into a bear hug so tight it had Pierce gasping for air and
wondering if his ribs were still intact. Francis’ elegant and sophisticated exterior made it easy
to forget just how strong he was.
“So, dear brother, may I enquire what has evoked this rather sudden wish to see me?”
Francis enquired.
Rolling his eyes, Pierce jerked his head in the direction of the glasses that Shae was just
returning with. “Something tells me you’re anticipating it to be work-related.”
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“Too right I am. And just so you know—I’m not letting you anywhere near your man
with a flogger unless I am convinced that you know what you’re doing.”
Pierce sucked in a sharp breath. “What on earth makes you think I want to take a
flogger to Noah?”
Batting his eyelids innocently, Francis raised an eyebrow and asked, “Oh. So you
don’t?”
“Well, no! I mean yes, uh…” Pierce groaned. “Oh, what the hell. Seriously, how do you
do that? How do you know this is what I’m here for? Have you become psychic after all?”
“Nah. I’m just good at paying attention. Besides, I know you, little bro. And I know
how much you love your Noah. Which is good, by the way, seeing as you can be so awfully
short-sighted when it comes to him.”
“Huh? What is that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, nothing. Just that I sincerely hope that next time your husband is experiencing a
major emotional crisis, you will be there to see him through it instead of giving him hell for a
crime he has never even dreamed of committing.”
“I didn’t know he was having such a hard time! I—”
“You would have known if you had tried to talk to him rather than chase him away
with false accusations.”
“But I have tried to talk to him!” Pierce protested.
“Have you?”
Pierce let out a resigned huff. “Well, he wasn’t exactly volunteering the information,
and the way he was acting—constantly on his phone and guarding it like a mother hen her
chicks…” He winced as a thought made it to the surface of his mind. “He never told me who
was sending him all those messages.”
Turning his eyes skywards, Francis shook his head. “You’re not going to get started
again, are you? If it makes you feel better, I was the one sending him the messages—and
receiving the answers, obviously. It was the best way to offer him some support.”
“I still don’t understand why Noah didn’t just tell me what was going on,” Pierce said,
miserable all over again as he remembered the severity of the situation they had been in.
“France, we nearly broke up over this,” he whispered.
Francis looked at him for a long moment. “You really have no idea, have you?”
“Huh? About what?”
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“Pierce, Pierce.” Francis let out a long-suffering sigh. “You have been with Noah for
almost six years now, and you still don’t know him at all. The poor sod was jealous as the
devil himself because of this Bruno guy you hired.”
“Yeah, I know. He told me when we, uh, talked things out. So?”
“So?” Francis snorted. “So he was blind with jealousy because he thought you were
about to start an affair with another guy but instead of telling him that you love him and that
he’s the only one you’ll ever look at and blah, blah, blah, you accused him of cheating on
you. You wouldn’t let him touch you, and when you did, you made it screamingly obvious
that you didn’t enjoy it. And, on top of it all, you led him to believe that you didn’t even care
enough about him anymore to be fucking livid about him cheating.”
“What? Of course I was livid!” Pierce exploded. “But I couldn’t bear the thought of
breaking up with him and destroying everything we have. That’s why I said I’d put up with
his infidelity for as long as he would at least keep a fucking lid on it.”
“Uh-huh. And, to him, that translated as ‘I don’t want to lose the comfortable life we’ve
built together, so why don’t we just turn a blind eye to each other’s unfaithfulness’. Don’t
you understand that, to Noah, your fucking over-the-top jealousy has always been the
greatest proof of how much you love him? And all of a sudden, you’re happy for him to fuck
around just as long as he doesn’t talk about it. Now tell me, how do you think that made him
feel?”
“Uh… Not particularly good, I should imagine,” Pierce suggested.
“Yeah. Try unwanted and uncared for. You should know by now that Noah has his
insecurities.” Francis’ voice turned softer. “Just because he hides them better than most guys
do doesn’t mean they don’t exist. He went to pieces because he was convinced you didn’t
love him anymore.”
“And you knew about all this? All the time?”
“Of course I knew.”
Of course he knew. It all made perfect sense. Noah could have relied on Francis to keep
his secret. Pierce had never figured out whether it was the Dom or the psychologist in
Francis who protected what was confided to him so fiercely. Whichever part of him it was, he
would never betray the trust put into him. Not even for the sake of saving a failing
relationship.
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“Oh, fuck.” Pierce sighed, feeling wretched as the pieces of the puzzle were beginning
to rearrange and form a new picture. “I thought he understood that I simply loved him too
much to let him go.”
“See?” Approaching him, Francis put his hands on Pierce’s shoulders and looked into
his eyes. “That’s why you guys should just talk to each other rather than wait for me to sort
everything out.”
Pierce frowned. “But you didn’t sort it out,” he objected.
“No? And who made you realise just how much you were not okay with him fucking
other guys?”
“Huh? What…? Oh, no!” Suddenly yet more pieces fell into place. “That scene on the
stage, when I thought it was Noah fucking the sub, but it was really Shae—are you saying I
was meant to see it and believe it was Noah?”
“Well, of course. How else could I get the two of you to drop the pretences and admit
the truth?”
“You set that up! Francis, you bastard, you set that up!”
“Uh-huh.” Seemingly untroubled, Francis gave a cheerful nod. “I told you I owed you
after the little conspiracy you and Noah had going with that cutie Tyler when you thought
Shae and I weren’t capable of sorting out our act ourselves.”
“Huh? That was two years ago!” Pierce pointed out. “Besides—you weren’t. You and
Shae were acting like two lovesick teenagers who would rather send each other secret
Valentine’s cards than talk it out like sensible adults.”
“Ah, Pierce, my darling little brother. There is still so much you have to learn about the
twisted ways of love and the even more deviant ways of the human psyche. I’m sure you’ll
learn a lot while you’re with Noah—if the two of you ever get it into your heads to keep
talking to each other, that is. But anyway, I’ve given your mind enough to work on, I should
think. It’s time your body got something to do, too. After all, you’re here for a reason and
catering to Noah’s deviant desires is a wonderful approach to reinstall your trust and explore
your respective dark sides. So come on over, I haven’t got all day.”
Startled, Pierce stared at him. “What? Right now? You want to get started now?”
“Well, of course. There’s no point wasting yet more time. To the cross, please.”
It was an order Francis must have given hundreds of times in his life, and Pierce must
have heard it on at least a few dozen occasions, but it had never before sent a shudder down
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his spine. Frozen to the spot, he watched Francis unbutton his immaculate, crisp white shirt
as he approached the St Andrew’s Cross that was on one wall of his office.
“France? What are you doing?” Pierce asked, uncomfortable.
“What do you think? You need to practice, so practicing is what you are going to do.”
“Yes, but…on you?”
“Well, of course.” Francis shrugged. “I could have you start on a dummy, of course, but
this way you will learn faster and I will be able to evaluate you much better.”
“France, I’m not sure I can do this. You’re my brother, and I…” He fell silent when Shae
raised a hand and touched Francis’ knee. He’d become so used to the sight of Shae kneeling
at Francis’ feet, settled and quiet, that even this little motion from him seemed like an
enormous act.
“Yes?” Francis turned his head to look at Shae, who couldn’t see it, but didn’t need to,
anyway. He was so well in tune with Francis that it was as if he could read his every thought
and maybe he could indeed.
“Sir, with all due respect, I don’t think that’s the best solution,” Shae said.
Francis frowned but his voice was calm as he asked, “Don’t you? What’s your
suggestion, then?”
“He should practice on me.”
“On you?”
“Yes. That way, you can focus on showing him the right technique while I can give
direct feedback on how it feels.”
“Ah, Shae,” Francis said. “You are a treasure, my love. I assume your generous offer is
entirely selfless and has nothing to do with your wish to get flogged, has it?”
A faint, secretive smile slipped across Shae’s features. “I’m just happy to be of service,
sir.”
“Oh, I know you are,” Francis replied. “And I’m sure I will find a suitable way to
compensate you for your…exertions.”
The corners of Shae’s mouth twitched, but he kept a straight face as he rose to his feet
and went to the cross.
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Chapter Nine
Pierce trailed the handle of the flogger over Noah’s back. He followed Noah’s spine,
caressed the bump of each vertebrae with it and traced the ridges of Noah’s shoulder blades.
He tried to ignore the faint silver-white lines of the scars the bullwhip had left on
Noah’s pale, otherwise smooth skin. It wasn’t hard for him to imagine what the cat-o’-nine-
tails in his hand could do to that silky, even canvas. He held the power to tint it with a rosy
blush or taint it with fierce red if he chose to. Whatever he was going to do, Noah trusted
him with this power. It was an exhilarating feeling. Exhilarating and nauseating.
It had been so much easier to do this to Shae. Shae, who thoroughly enjoyed getting
flogged and was so used to it after years of practice that he’d barely seemed to have felt it
whenever Pierce had subjected him to it.
When the first blow connected, Pierce’s reaction to it was about as strong as Noah’s,
and much the same. They both winced. Noah in obvious pain, Pierce in compassion.
It’s what he wants, he reminded himself. Just like Shae.
The second blow drew a gasp from Noah, the one that followed had him snatch a sharp
breath.
“Are you okay, love?” Pierce asked, trying to hide his concern.
“Yeah,” Noah rasped.
Pierce knew that particular tinge in it well enough, but he hadn’t expected to hear it in
this situation, at least not so soon. It was the first stage of arousal.
He brought the flogger down again, making Noah yelp, then over and over again in
rapid succession, the way Francis had told him to do it. Noah’s skin flushed quickly. The
individual thin red lines blended together and soon could no longer be distinguished as
Pierce covered Noah’s back from his shoulders to his arse with fast, medium-strength flicks.
Each whisper of the fine leather strips was answered with a soft moan from Noah, who
leant back, welcoming every stroke. His breath came in that carefully controlled way it did
when he was excited and struggled to keep a grip on himself. Pierce took half a step to his
side to check.
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Sure enough, Noah’s swollen cock bounced in time with each stroke. It leaked a
constant flow of pre-cum.
No wonder he was close to getting off when Francis did this to him, Pierce mused. He knew
he was still far from having mastered the art of flogging, but his training lessons with Francis
and Shae were apparently paying off.
Noah groaned, louder this time, and arched his back. It was just an instinctive reaction.
Pierce knew it well, and so did his own body. So far, he’d been focused on Noah and too
nervous to pay attention to the effect this strange scenario was having on himself. Now he
could no longer ignore it. He was getting hard so rapidly the loss of blood in his brain left
him dizzy and already he could feel a part of him wanting to take over that did not often get
the chance to play.
He wanted to fuck Noah until he screamed for mercy, wanted to push him beyond the
point he normally allowed himself to take it to. He wanted Noah tied up and exposed,
helpless and ready for him to take as he pleased.
This was a night for leaving comfort zones. Noah had asked Pierce to move out of his.
Now it was his turn to take a step and plunge into the unknown.
Pierce finished the flogging with a few more, light, almost caressing touches, then
dropped the tool and reached out with his hand. He’d have to check for damage first. Francis
had been very strict about that and would never forgive Pierce if he failed to check on Noah’s
health, no matter how urgent their need was.
His first instinct was to yank back his fingers as he touched Noah’s skin. It was so warm
it almost glowed. The way it’s supposed to be, Pierce reminded himself and put his hand to the
flat stretch just below Noah’s left shoulder blade. Shae loved the sting a warm hand caused
on oversensitised skin and, clearly, so did Noah. Moaning, he pushed into the touch, just as
his hips flexed a little in that shallow, but unmistakable motion.
Pierce ran his eyes over the rest of Noah’s back. No welts, no broken skin—just a fierce
red blush that must’ve burnt like fire. He undid his shirt buttons with shaky fingers, then
dropped the garment carelessly to the floor and took a step closer. He was right behind Noah
now, just an inch away from him, and he could feel the unnatural heat his body radiated.
This was something he’d never done with Shae. Sure, the flogging sessions had left Shae all
horny and hot in more than just one way, but Francis had been the one to take care of that.
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Leaning forwards, Pierce grabbed Noah’s hips to hold him in place, which he thought
was probably a good thing to do. He covered that last inch of cool air between them and
pressed his chest and stomach to Noah’s back. Noah yelped and jumped at the contact but
Pierce clung on to him, steadying him as he half invited, half forced him to endure the pain.
“Fuck, Pierce!” Noah grunted but it wasn’t all protest. His voice was heavy with arousal
and tinted with the bittersweet flavour of deviation. Maybe Pierce’s wish wasn’t as out of
line as he’d thought it was.
“Let me tie you up, sweetheart,” he whispered into Noah’s ear.
As was to be expected, Noah went rigid in his embrace. In all those years, their sex life
had been…unrestrained—in the very sense of the word. After the trauma Noah had suffered
at the hands of Robert, the sadistic Dom, he was understandably not keen on ties. Pierce had
always been reluctant to push him and he still was, so he said nothing else. He’d put the
suggestion out in front of them. It was up to Noah what he would do with it.
Noah took a shuddery breath and let it out in a nervous little chuckle.
“Pierce, I…” he rasped and shook his head.
Pierce tried not to be disappointed. He had known about Noah’s wounds right from the
start. The scars were still there and would probably never go away entirely.
“It’s okay, love. It’s okay,” he soothed, but Noah’s shoulders remained set in a tense
line and what little Pierce could see of his face was scrunched up in a fierce scowl.
Pierce knew they’d reached a turning point. If he let Noah go now, allowed him to drift
away, they stood to lose more than an experimental flogging session that had failed. If he
managed to settle Noah enough to keep him going in at least the right direction, then at least
they still had the chance to give it another try.
Sill pressing his front to Noah’s hot skin, he trailed one hand farther around Noah’s
hips and down to his groin. The proud erection had flagged a little, but there was still
enough for Pierce to work with.
He curled his fingers around the shaft, pumped up and down a few times in the long,
tight strokes he knew Noah loved. Noah’s response was instantaneous. Groaning, he thrust
into Pierce’s fist, then grunted in protest as Pierce took his hand away.
Pierce chuckled. Noah was easy at times. He reached down to cup Noah’s balls and
stroked their outlines with his thumb before he squeezed them. Noah stiffened and hummed
a warning deep in his throat, but Pierce didn’t need it. He had come to know Noah’s body
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almost as well as his own and knew the point where the pressure would become unbearable.
He eased off just before he’d reached that level and replaced the overwhelming sensation of
tightness with the opposite. He carefully pulled at the sac, stretching it away from the body
and enhancing the effect with long outward strokes of his fingertips. Noah whimpered in
surprise. The poor thing obviously didn’t know what to make of that treatment.
Sure, Pierce had played with his cock and balls before, and not just to bring him off, but
so far, it had been more about finding out where Noah’s barriers were so as not to cross
them. Now, it was more about pushing them very gently. Pierce smiled to himself. Not
pushing. Stretching, rather. Noah sucked in a sharp breath when Pierce closed his fist around
the delicate sac again, combining pull and pressure.
“Fuck, baby,” Noah panted in a strained voice. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“Not at all, sweetheart. Not at all. Just playing a little.”
“Pierce?” There was a distinct note of graveness in the one syllable, and apprehension
rose inside Pierce. Being shaky with trepidation was a rare state for Noah to be in and,
usually, it didn’t bode well if he was.
“Yes, love?”
“Do it.”
“W-what?” Pierce asked, astounded, even though he knew what Noah meant without
daring to believe that he really meant it.
“Tie me up. Tie me down. Whatever. I’m yours. Do with me as you please.”
Pierce’s heart plummeted to the pit of his stomach and bounced back up so fast it left
him breathless. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I trust you.” There was so much conviction in Noah’s voice, so much unshakable
belief, that Pierce knew he didn’t need to ask again. He inhaled and held his breath for a
moment, thinking. This had come unexpectedly. He’d have to improvise, maybe just use one
of his naughtier fantasies and see if he could make it work with what the room offered. Not
that he had to worry, he realised, as he risked a glance around. Francis had chosen the setting
well.
They were in one of the less obvious playrooms, one that had all the necessary
equipment without being in your face about it. Apart from the ultra-king-size bed, there was
a large wardrobe in one corner that would probably contain all the tools an imaginative
kinkster could ask for. The cat had been ready upon their arrival, no doubt carefully selected
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by Francis himself, maybe with Shae’s help. It had been laid out on the table next to the
section of the wall that had handles attached to it.
Short, sturdy rails made of polished metal offered the recipient of whatever blows were
being dealt out something to hold on to. They were also perfect for attaching restraints to.
Dropping his gaze downwards, Pierce checked. Yes, there was a set of equally strong-looking
rings at the lower end of the wall.
“You don’t mind to remain standing, do you?” he asked. Noah threw him a surprised
glance over his shoulder, but shook his head.
“Okay. Stay where you are. I’ll be right back.” The order didn’t yet have the confidence
behind it that would have been there years ago, when Pierce had played with subs
occasionally. But already, from somewhere deep inside a long-neglected part of his memory,
some of that old grit was coming back to him.
He opened the wardrobe and glanced inside. As he had expected, it provided
everything he could have asked for. There was a variety of hitting tools—more floggers,
canes, crops and a full-sized bullwhip that would never be used on Noah. Pierce ignored
them all. Noah had had his share of flogging.
He took a closer look at the endless lengths of bondage rope, chains, leather shackles
and different kinds of hooks to restrain a person. That was closer to what he was looking for.
He selected a pair of soft, padded leather wrist cuffs and two pieces of chain that were
thin enough to look more like decoration than a serious means of binding. Ironically, these
were the strongest chains available, which was something Pierce had heard Francis mention
in passing. But Noah probably didn’t know about that and Pierce wasn’t fool enough to tell
him.
After a quick glance at Noah, who was still standing in much the same position he had
left him in, Pierce picked up two more pieces of chain and matching, wider ankle cuffs. He
was just about to return to Noah when his gaze fell on a box that rested on the bottom board
of the wardrobe. It looked innocent enough, which meant that it probably contained some
pretty indecent stuff.
Curious, Pierce opened the lid and stifled a gasp. Putting a gag on Noah would be
definitely taking it too far, as was any kind of sensory deprivation, but there was a nice
selection of other tools that he might be able to put to good use.
He laid the cuffs and chains on top of the box and carried the whole thing over to Noah.
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“Nothing to worry about, sweetheart,” he whispered in answer to the startled look in
Noah’s eyes. “I just want to make sure I have everything I need ready at hand. I don’t want
to find that I’m missing something when I have you all tied up and prepared. You still want
to do this, right?” he asked when Noah stared at the box sceptically.
“Yeah.” Noah’s response was reassuringly prompt and firm, even though he was tense
and didn’t look quite as confident as he sounded. But that was Noah. Once his mind was
made up, it was near impossible to change.
“How’s your back?” Pierce enquired in a conversational tone. He’d watched Francis
handle nervous subs quite a few times, so knew that distracting them often went a long way
to make facing the unknown bearable for them.
“Uh, okay. Stings a bit,” Noah answered, observing Pierce with anxious blue eyes.
“I’ll rub some lotion on you once I’ve sorted you out.” Picking up the wrist cuffs, Pierce
held them out for Noah to see, then ordered, “Hold out your hand, love.”
There was a brief moment of tension when Noah seemed to realise that his biggest fear
was about to become very real, but, after a few seconds, he stuck out his arm, offering up his
wrist. Pierce attached the cuff, closing it so it would sit snug but not cut off the blood supply.
It might have to resist some pull from Noah’s side, but Pierce knew that it should hold, even
if there was nothing further from Pierce’s mind than to restrain Noah against his will. But he
knew that, if Noah lost his nerve and tried to break free in blind panic, it would be better the
restraints were secure and held him in place for as long as it would take to bring him back to
his senses. Shuddering, Pierce recalled the story of Shae, who had very nearly ended up
strangling himself when he’d freaked out while in deep bondage. It reminded him of another
responsibility he had to fulfil. In a moment.
He went to Noah’s other side, where he fastened the second cuff around Noah’s already
outstretched wrist, then he picked up the chains. Keeping his face averted, he watched some
of the tension leave Noah’s body. Noah seemed okay, a bit nervous perhaps, but that was to
be expected. Pierce clipped one end of the first chain to the metal ring in the leather cuff, then
slid the whole length of it around the handle in the wall and secured the other end. There
was just enough slack for Noah to be able to change his grip on the handle, but not so much
that it would allow him to get away from it.
He looked up and met Noah’s eyes. “Okay?”
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“Mm-hmm.” Noah swallowed, but gave a brave nod. Pierce stifled a smile as he turned
away, ducking below Noah’s outstretched arm to fasten the tie around his other wrist.
When he was ready, he checked again, relieved that Noah appeared to be doing fine.
“Okay, love. Now your ankles, then I’ll put some lotion on your back and see how you
like it,” Pierce announced, picking up the heavier, stronger ankle cuffs. Noah held perfectly
still as Pierce attached them to his legs but he looked a little put out by how far he was
required to widen his stance for Pierce to connect the chains to the rings in the wall.
Pierce chuckled. “Don’t fuss, and spread ‘em, love. Be glad I chose not to put you on the
bed and use a spreader bar on you. Although, on second thoughts, maybe I should have
done that.”
Noah shot him an indignant glance over his shoulder, but the effect was somewhat
marred by the situation he was in. Spread-eagled in an upright position was not the best
condition to stare daggers at the guy who was supposed to remove the chains.
“Now don’t wriggle, this is gonna be cold,” Pierce warned as he sprayed some of the
aftercare lotion on Noah’s back. Noah hissed and flinched. His skin was still a furious shade
of red and Pierce was a little worried at the heat that emanated from it. But both Shae and
Francis had assured him that it was all right, just as long as there was no blood.
Rubbing the soothing lotion into Noah’s tormented skin, Pierce took out his mobile
phone. Hopefully unnoticed by Noah, he typed out a rapid message to Francis.
‘N’s in ties, b prepared’
It was all the warning he could give his brother and the outside world. Apart from that,
he could only hope that Noah wasn’t going to freak out. The panic button was not too far
away.
Pierce checked on Noah again. His breathing had evened out. He no longer looked as
though he was wishing himself someplace else, so maybe giving this a try was not quite that
far-fetched, after all.
“Anything in particular you’d like me to do?” Pierce enquired. The clear-headed
attentiveness required to put Noah’s restraints in place had made him lose his drift a little.
He wasn’t the only one, he noticed, as he ran his eyes down the long curves of Noah’s body.
He rested his gaze at Noah’s groin. This time, Noah’s erection had not survived.
“Nn-nn.” Noah shook his head. “Just… You know what I don’t like, so…” The part of
the sentence he left out was plain to see on his face.
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Nodding, Pierce stroked Noah’s back with his fingertips. “I know, love.”
He trailed his fingers up, followed the ridge of Noah’s left shoulder blade, then cupped
the back of his head in a gentle, but firm grip.
“Kiss me,” he ordered, giving Noah an encouraging tug. Maybe a simple kiss was not
what Noah had been expecting. He blinked in surprise but obediently followed the pull of
Pierce’s hand. “Close your eyes if you like,” Pierce whispered as he leaned in and brushed
Noah’s lips with his own. He didn’t know if Noah followed the invitation or not, because he
couldn’t seem to keep his own eyes open, but the way Noah responded to the kiss felt
reassuringly normal.
They were making out for much longer than Pierce had intended, allowing themselves
the time they needed to adapt to the situation. Also, there was a lot of arousal that needed
rekindling but that part was not much of a problem.
Pierce broke the kiss when he felt Noah’s body respond to it. He had been tracing
Noah’s curves for a while, almost without paying attention. He knew every inch so well,
knew exactly where and how to touch to create the effects he wanted.
Noah’s cock had grown hard again and rose proudly from his groin. Pierce trailed the
thick, pulsing vein that ran along the shaft with his fingernail.
“Okay, love,” he whispered against Noah’s shoulder. “Time to play.”
Noah’s response to the mild form of ball torture had given Pierce an idea, and finding
the corresponding device on top of all the things in the toy box had been the sign he’d
needed to go through with it.
He picked up the tiny leather cuff and inspected it. Noah was no stranger to cock rings,
but this was different.
“Don’t move, sweetheart,” Pierce warned. “I want to get this on right. Don’t want to
risk hurting you.”
Craning his neck, Noah tried to peek at the object in Pierce’s hand.
“What is it?” he asked, his tone revealing more curiosity than fear.
“A testicle cuff.”
Noah’s eyebrows shot up and his eyes went wide in an almost comical look. “A…
What?”
“Testicle cuff,” Pierce repeated, smirking.
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“What…? How…? Uh…” Noah at a loss for words—another rare thing to happen—but
a distinctly cute one.
“It goes around your scrotum,” Pierce explained. “The weight of the cuff pulls your
balls downwards and, well, I’ve heard that the sensation it creates is supposed to be rather
enjoyable.”
“Whatever happened to taking it slowly and vanilla sex?” Noah sighed but twisted to
offer Pierce access to his genitals anyway. He seemed at ease in his restraints as he waited for
Pierce to attach and secure the leather ring to his balls. The effect was quite astonishing. It
added another inch or so to the length of his cock. Not that Noah needed it, being already
well above average size, but the ring made him look even more impressive. His balls swung
slightly by the combined effect of his heavy breathing and the weight pulling at them.
When Pierce was done fastening the small buckle, Noah was still at full mast. And
sweating from the effort it took him to keep a grip on himself.
Pierce almost felt sorry for him. The poor thing was going to have to wait for relief.
Pierce had no intention of letting him come any time soon. After all, Noah had just
complained about him moving too fast, hadn’t he?
Stepping back, Pierce allowed himself to appreciate the sight for a moment. Noah
looked decadent. His wrists and ankles were encircled by black cuffs that contrasted nicely
with his pale skin. Smooth, thin leather straps decorated his cock and testicles, pulling them
down and away from his body. Swaying, the silver chains that tied Noah to the wall gleamed
as they caught and reflected the soft light. But more tempting even than his eager, bound
erection was the way his legs were spread for easy access.
Pierce licked his lips. Noah had let him do a fair share of playing with his body, had
even come to enjoy getting fucked, not to mention the occasional rim job, but he was still
rather reluctant when it came to the use of toys.
Pierce turned to the box. It was a night for pushing boundaries.
By the time he had fed the fifth anal bead into Noah’s beautiful arse, Pierce was so hard
he expected to burst a ball any second. Noah would certainly be able to relate to the feeling.
He’d been enduring the slow torture of the testicle cuff for quite some time now and Pierce
had added to the strain by attaching a small weight to its ring.
Pulling at the string, Pierce coaxed the bead he’d just inserted back out of Noah’s body.
It stretched the skin quite nicely, making Noah gasp as it breached his muscles, but it popped
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free easily. The next one followed suit and, again, Pierce watched the little dark purple ball
find its way through the passage. Noah groaned as it slipped out of him.
“Like that, do you?” Pierce whispered and pushed the bead right back in. The sound of
his own voice had startled him a little. Low and rough, it sounded as though he was the one
who had several silicone balls and a length of ribbon inside him instead of merely being the
one who got to fill his lover’s body with them. And Noah must be feeling quite full already,
even though the last part with the thickest beads was yet to come.
Not exactly used to this kind of game, he had taken to the toy with admirable ease.
Pierce hadn’t even meant to give him all of the beads. But since he had inserted and removed
the first, tiny ball several times, Noah had been asking for more with irresistible,
uncontrolled moans. Now that they had worked their way through more than half of them,
Noah still didn’t look like he was about to ask Pierce to stop.
Watching him now, Pierce regretted having tied him up for the first time. Trying to
walk like this would certainly be a very interesting experience—both for Noah and, in the
role of spectator, for Pierce.
Once the idea had entered his head, it was impossible to resist—especially when his
gaze fell on another item in the box.
“Change of plan, sweetheart,” he told Noah. “We’re not going to finish this over here.”
“N-not?” Noah croaked, in a voice that had gone rough and tight with overexcitement.
“No. I want you on the bed. On your hands and knees, arse up in the air. I want to come
with my cock so deep inside you you’ll think you can taste it in your mouth. But before I do
that, I really want to see you walk across the room with those balls inside you.”
“Pierce…” Noah groaned.
“Too much for you?”
Noah’s protest came quick and earnest. “No! No, just… Oh, fuck, I can’t remember
having been so fucking turned on in years.”
Smiling, Pierce brushed a kiss across his dry lips. “Likewise, love. Likewise. You are
quite a sight, you know. Now let me push some more of those beads in. No way am I going
to deny you the whole effect.”
“Oh, fuck,” Noah sighed, sounding about to faint. “You’re going to kill me.”
“Nn-nn. Just torturing you a bit. Move your leg… Yeah, like this.”
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Noah’s well-slicked, loosened passage took the next bead easily. The one after that was
more of a problem. Pierce had to go back to the one before and play the game of withdrawal
and reinsertion several times before Noah’s body was ready for more.
Two more beads followed, each a good bit larger than the one before, until in the end,
Pierce was about to push the last one in. It was nearly the size of a golf ball.
Noah held his breath as Pierce pressed past the weak resistance of his muscles, then
sighed appreciatively.
“How do you feel?” Pierce asked, more than just a little nervous but aroused at the
same time.
“Full,” Noah answered. “So fucking full. That’s got to be about twice your size
altogether, what do you think?”
“Hm, not sure.” Watching Noah’s narrow hips and flat, tight-muscled stomach, Pierce
wondered where all those balls had gone. They must be filling every available inch inside
Noah’s body. Precious inches Pierce longed to fill with his own flesh.
“Come on, sweetheart. Time to get you on the bed,” he announced with a hearty smack
on Noah’s butt cheek.
Noah jumped a little, but, between the restraints and the weight that was still
transferring each of his movements to his balls and making them dangle in time with his
motions, he knew better than to move abruptly.
He met the collar and lead Pierce held out for him to see. Maybe he’d been expecting
something like it, or maybe he just wasn’t scared of it. The fine black leather looked beautiful
on his fair, even skin.
He waited for Pierce to remove the chains from the cuffs around his wrists and ankles,
then followed his lead when Pierce took him for a slow walk around the room.
“What’s it like?” Pierce enquired, watching Noah’s very tentative progress with a
mixture of concern and arousal.
“It’s… Full. I can—oh, fuck! I can feel them shift in—” Noah gasped and snatched a
quick breath, then he tried again. “They shift inside me and it’s… Oh, fucking amazing.”
“Mmm, it certainly looks very appealing. You’re so fucking beautiful.” Taking mercy on
Noah, who was clearly having more than just a little trouble walking, Pierce led him to the
bed.
“Assume the position,” he ordered.
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It said a lot about the extent of Noah’s arousal that he didn’t ask which one. Moving
gingerly, he settled on his hands and knees. His sac with the heavy leather cuff around its
base swung between his legs. His cock was still resisting gravitation and bounced, now just
below his belly and occasionally bumping into it.
“Legs a bit farther apart, love,” Pierce corrected.
“What? Why—oh!” Glancing around, Noah was observing Pierce approach and, of
course, he had already spotted the two sets of spreader bars Pierce was carrying.
“I thought…” Noah’s voice trailed off.
“I told you—change of plans,” Pierce said and put the bars on the bed next to Noah. He
picked up a new, large leather cuff and slipped it around Noah’s leg just below the knee but
far enough away from the joint so as not to risk damaging it. A second cuff went around
Noah’s other leg, then Pierce picked up the first bar. He adjusted it to the length he wanted,
which still required Noah to spread his legs a good deal farther, then attached it to the cuffs.
Noah tested the feel of the sturdy bar between his legs.
“I can’t move,” he complained.
“Yeah, well, I think if you look up the term spreader bar, you’ll find that that is exactly
what it is used for. By the way, here’s another one for your arms.” Pierce clipped the hooks
on either end of the bar to the rings on the cuffs Noah was still wearing.
“Beautiful,” he praised, leaning back to admire his work. “Decadent,” he added as his
gaze fell on Noah’s now fully exposed arse with the thread protruding from it. Trailing it, he
pushed his finger into Noah’s hole and carefully followed the shape of the ball inside. The
different textures of smooth silicone and human tissue were fascinating, but the biggest kick
came from the image of that ball sitting so snugly amidst all that sensitive, warm flesh. Pierce
envied it in that position. It was the place he longed to get to—embedded in his lover’s core.
“Ready for me to take them out?” He had to force the words out. His throat had gone
tight and rough with arousal.
“Why, are you worried I might get used to that size and you can’t keep up with it?”
Noah rasped and, hollowing his back, stuck out his arse yet farther.
“Easy, you,” Pierce warned in a low growl. “Or I might just decide to leave them in and
jerk off before I see if I can pluck them out with my fingers.”
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“Fuck, Pierce,” Noah groaned. “Don’t say stuff like that! I can barely hold back as it is.
In fact, if it weren’t for that bloody cuff pulling at my balls I probably would’ve shot
already.”
“No, seriously?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Good to know. I don’t want you to come just yet, though. Not without my cock buried
to the root inside you. Besides, I have another little surprise for you.”
Noah let out a groan. “What is it this time? More spreader bars?”
“Nn-nn. I’ll show you after I’ve taken the beads out.”
“Okay. I’d appreciate it if you used the string for that, though.”
Controlling his growing impatience and need, Pierce carefully removed the beads from
Noah’s arse. They slid out readily, leaving Noah empty—very much an invitation to be filled
again. He moaned a soft protest at the loss. His moan grew louder when Pierce ran two
fingertips along the rim of his well-stretched hole to keep the muscle from contracting again.
He wanted Noah relaxed and open for just a little longer.
One hand busy keeping Noah’s body ready for easy access, Pierce used his other hand
to prepare himself and pour yet more lube into Noah’s channel. He spread it with his fingers,
coating every inch of Noah’s insides that he could reach with it.
Clearly, the effect of all that attention wasn’t lost on Noah, who pushed back, moaning
his pleasure.
Getting in position, Pierce knelt behind him. He scissored, twisted and turned the four
fingers he had inside Noah for one last time, then removed his hand.
“Nnn-nnn,” Noah protested, arching his back. “More! Fuck, Pie, baby, give me more!”
“I will, sweetheart, I will,” Pierce promised and very gently pushed in.
Instantly realising that something was different, Noah tried to look over his shoulder.
“What…?”
“Penis sleeve,” Pierce explained. “I didn’t want to disappoint you by failing to fill the
gap all those beads left inside you.”
“Oh dear.” Noah chuckled. “You have no idea. This… Oh my fucking God!” he yelled as
Pierce pushed in deep.
Born to and raised by a strictly Catholic family, Noah had been taught not to use the
name of the Lord in vain. That he did so now, in this situation and, what was even worse, in
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combination with the curse, was a clearer sign of his immense arousal than anything Pierce
could have asked for. They were also the last halfway coherent words Noah got out for a
while. During the next minutes, the only sounds he was capable of were desperate gasps and
screams as Pierce fucked him. He clung on for astonishingly long regarding the height of his
arousal until he climaxed with a long, wailing shout that was followed by a series of ragged
sobs.
Needing another moment or two to finish, Pierce held him in place with an arm around
his hips and pounded into him over and over again, until he, too, felt the liquid heat start to
boil in his balls and flood his groin, then erupt from his cock in a blur of frantic jerking and
supernovas exploding in his brain.
As he caught his breath, he was becoming aware of holding an armful of heaving,
sobbing Noah.
“What’s up, love?” he enquired, arousal replaced by dread in an instant. Had he come
across one of Noah’s triggers after all? Should he—
“It’s okay… I’m okay,” Noah answered and turned his head to look at Pierce. A
nervous chuckle rang through his tears. “I just… Oh, I don’t know. I guess I’m just
thoroughly overexcited and my nerves are running amok. Sorry ‘bout that. I really didn’t
mean to frighten you. Least of all now.” He gave a wobbly smile.
“It’s okay. Don’t worry.” I’ll just undo your ties, and then we can go to sleep.” He
undid the buckles that held the bars in place, checking for signs of interrupted blood
circulation, but everything looked fine.
“Hm, sounds good,” Noah sighed as he snuggled into the pillow. “Don’t you think it’s
time to call the back-up army, too? Just so they don’t come charging in here?”
“Oh, good point,” Pierce replied, then started. “How do you know?”
Noah rolled his eyes and smirked in a funny, lopsided yet affectionate expression.
“Darling, I’m not blind. Or stupid. Did Shae volunteer to get used for flogging practice?”
Pierce nodded. No point trying to keep that a secret. Shae was a hopeless chatterbox
and it was only a matter of time until he would tell Noah anyway.
“Just what I thought. And France stood next to you watching and giving instructions,
right?”
“Right,” Pierce confirmed, feeling a bit awkward. Maybe his cunning plan hadn’t been
quite so clever after all and maybe—
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“I do love you, baby,” Noah suddenly said in a voice that was thick with emotions.
“Very much, and… Thanks for making this happen.”
“Uh…” Pierce started, not very elaborately, but Noah clearly wasn’t expecting a proper
answer anyway.
“I mean it,” he emphasised and shifted around. Reaching out, he wrapped Pierce into a
tight embrace. “I never thought I could trust anyone enough for that but you… You just
don’t quit until you’ve broken down every single barrier I’ve ever put up, do you?”
“Yeah, well… Does that mean there are yet more?” Pierce asked, even though he knew
the answer, of course. Noah’s psyche had more walls than the average labyrinth.
“Probably.” Noah nodded and kissed the tip of Pierce’s nose, smiling. “But I believe
discovering them and tearing them down together might be a lot of fun.”
“Noah?”
“Hm?”
“You know I’d never hurt you intentionally, don’t you?”
“Says the man who just flogged me seven ways from Sunday,” Noah deadpanned.
“You know what I mean.”
“Yes, love,” Noah said, sobering up again. “I know. I trust you with my life, my heart
and my sanity. That’s what makes this moment with you the precious experience it is. You’re
the first, and the only one, ever to have all of me.”
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Chapter Ten
“Noah?”
“Yeah?”
“Um, we got an invitation from Francis.” Pierce’s palms were sweaty as he held out the
classy, dark grey and red card.
A faint frown creased Noah’s forehead but he didn’t take the card, taking off his jacket
instead. “What for?”
“It’s the club’s tenth anniversary.”
“Oh. Right.” Noah glanced at the card. “When?”
“The twentieth. Saturday.”
Noah’s lips curled in a smirk. “Of course. I bet Francis planned ahead all those years
ago to make sure it would be a Saturday.”
“Probably.” Pierce let out a chuckle, realising that it sounded forced. And Noah
obviously did, too. His eyes narrowed.
“What’s wrong?”
“Uh, nothing, just… The party is Dom-sub themed and it’s an official event, so I assume
we’re expected to stick to the rules for once.”
“Meaning… Huh. Right.” Noah stretched his back and squared his shoulders, then he
met Pierce’s gaze. “Okay.”
“Uh…Okay what?”
“I’ll be your sub.” The words were spoken almost casually but Pierce felt their impact
down to his bones.
“My sub?” he whispered.
“Yes.”A flicker of remembered pain and fear appeared in Noah’s eyes, but he blinked it
away and said, “I’ll be your sub. The time is right to drag some of your undisclosed desires
into the open for a change.”
Pierce felt the pounding of his heart very high up in his throat. He swallowed. “My
undisclosed desires?”
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Gripping his bottom lip with his teeth, Noah grinned. “Yep. Leather is my kink, and the
flogging sessions were my big secret. I know you’ve been dreaming of playing with a proper
sub for ages and the way it’s been between us lately… It’s kind of what we’ve started
exploring anyway.”
“That’s different, though,” Pierce protested feebly. Taking a step closer, Noah took
Pierce’s hands in his.
“Don’t worry, baby. I think I remember enough of my training to satisfy you.”
“That’s not what I’m concerned about.”
Noah held his gaze for another moment, then he lowered his head and rested his
forehead on Pierce’s shoulder. “I know,” he whispered. “But I’m not concerned about it at
all.”
There was nothing Pierce could say to this. Noah was right. In a way, it was the logical
next step in the direction they had taken. Pierce knew that. It was also the sweetest and most
meaningful present Noah had ever given to him.
* * * *
A part of Pierce had been hoping all along that it would come to this one day, and yet,
now that the moment had arrived, it felt more like a wonderful daydream than a fantasy
come true. Sure, they had practiced in the three weeks since they had received the invitation.
After all, it wasn’t just Noah who would have to do things right.
In theory, Pierce knew what was expected of him, but it was one thing to fantasise
about putting a leash on his lover and make him obey his every word—it was quite another
matter to lead Noah, with his history of physical and mental abuse, into a club full of Doms.
Noah was used to being in the club and knew the clientele. He had never seemed to have a
problem with it, but it had still been the very location of his ordeal and there must be
traumatic memories connected to it.
One night. Noah was going to make use of everything he had been trained for all those
years ago to fulfil Pierce’s secret wish. He was going to be Pierce’s submissive for one night.
Pierce hadn’t seen it coming at all. Knowing that it must be unspeakably hard for Noah
to put himself into this situation again, Pierce would never have expected him to go through
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with it. More than anything else, it was an expression of Noah’s immense trust in him and
recognising that fact made Noah’s present all the sweeter.
Pierce watched his own hands hold the smooth strip of leather, observed them reach up
and out to put the slim black ribbon around the neck of the man he loved. It wasn’t supposed
to have the meaning attributed to it by those who played by the rules. Shae would almost
certainly be annoyed about this lack of seriousness.
It was still a symbol, though, and no longer a fashionable, slightly kinky accessory the
way it used to be. No, this time, the collar around Noah’s neck meant something more than
just a sexy sight.
Pierce was well aware of the meaning as he clipped the lead to it and trailed his
fingertip downwards, to that soft hollow spot right above Noah’s collarbones.
Noah shuddered at the touch. He was so sensitive these days—responded to the
faintest signal, the softest of caresses. Of course, a lot of that was owing to the fact that their
lives had become easier lately and far more balanced. Jonah was still staying with them and
beginning to integrate well into their family, which meant that Noah and Pierce now had a
babysitter at hand to give them two nights a week off. Two nights a week they spent doing
nothing but enjoying each other. They had spent some of that precious time on training for
their big night out.
“Open your eyes, love,” Pierce whispered. “Look at yourself.” Giving orders was
beginning to come naturally to him now, just as it was beginning to feel natural that Noah
obeyed them without question. They were still treading a fine line. Pierce knew it, and Noah
must have known it, too, but they were becoming more secure in their movements.
Pierce had made Noah stand in their walk-in wardrobe as he’d dressed him. He hadn’t
even known why he’d wanted to do it that way at first, only that it seemed the most obvious
choice. The clothes were nearby, ready for him to pick them up and put them on Noah. Soon
he had noticed that Noah was also standing right in front of the full-sized mirror, a position
that added a nice twist to Pierce’s task as he was able to watch Noah from two different
angles simultaneously. And the sight was an enjoyable one. The overhead lights picked out
the shapes of Noah’s body, casting shadows under the soft bulges of his muscles while
dowsing the planes and ridges in a silvery sheen. The black leather was a spectacular and
intriguing contrast to all that pale, gleaming skin.
Noah opened his eyes and, blinking against the brightness, stared at himself.
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“Whoa.” He took a breath. There was no denying that he looked stunning in leather. He
was used to wearing it, loved it. It was his kink, had been long before he’d even met Pierce.
In all probability it was what had brought him into the scene in the first place, although that
was just Pierce’s assumption. He had never got to ask Noah about what had made him seek
out the environment of a BDSM club, how he had come to meet Robert, and Noah had never
volunteered that information either.
“Like it?” Pierce asked, watching Noah.
“It’s…” Noah twisted and turned, trying to see himself from every possible angle.
“Do you think it’s too extreme?” Pierce enquired. He’d been wondering whether or not
to put Noah into this particular outfit for quite some time. It was daring, to say the least, but
it suited Noah even better than he could have hoped for. Even better than Pierce had
imagined, in fact, when he had come across it a few weeks ago.
It had been one of those funny coincidences. He had been to the club to meet Francis for
a quick lunch. He’d been running late owing to a meeting that had gone on well beyond its
scheduled time frame, so he had burst in on Francis’ appointment with the designer who
sometimes booked the club for his fashion shows. He specialised in fetish clothes, which
made the club the perfect setting. Of course, it was also the perfect place for him to sell quite
a lot of his merchandise.
The man had just been showing Francis some pieces of his latest collection when Pierce
had joined them. For him, it had been love at first sight. Not with the designer, of course, but
with the black chaps he had been holding up. They were made of a leather so fine and
exquisite that it looked and felt almost like silk. Pierce had known they would cost a small
fortune. He had also known that they would be perfect for Noah to wear to the party.
Asking the designer to tailor-make a pair had brought a sceptical frown to the man’s
face, but Pierce had assured him that he knew Noah’s measurements down to the fraction of
an inch. Apparently he had been convincing enough, and, as he could easily see now, his
confidence was justified. The leather clung to Noah’s long legs like a second skin and the top
part with the wide, silver studded belt hugged his lean hips snugly but without cutting into
the flesh.
Three silver metal rings were attached to the belt. Two on either side and one in the
back, right below the little dip of Noah’s spine before it curved into his buttocks. They served
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as the connecting points for a matching chest harness that criss-crossed Noah’s torso in an
intriguing pattern with its narrow straps.
Designed to leave nothing to the imagination, the chaps were meant to be worn with a
hint of sweet nothing underneath to show off the wearer’s assets. This made them far more
revealing than anything Noah had worn so far and had been the one element Pierce had been
in doubt about. He had solved the problem by having the designer insert an additional patch
of leather into the triangle formed by the belt and the leg parts to protect Noah’s decency at
least to a minimum. Intriguingly, this required Noah to wear something underneath to attach
the loose end of the flap to and make sure it stayed exactly where it was supposed to be.
Pierce hadn’t put that little, but vital accessory on him yet, saving the sauciest bit for the last
moment.
“It’s…perfect,” Noah whispered.
Pierce’s heart did an excited little flip-flop in his chest as relief flooded him. Noah liked
it. So far.
“Not quite,” Pierce corrected. “Something’s missing.”
A frown crossed Noah’s face as he glanced at himself again, obviously trying to figure
out what was wrong. “It looks fine to me.” He smirked. “And, to be honest, I have no idea
where you could put anything else on this. There’s hardly anything there as it is. In fact…”
The frown was back as he detected the one flaw to his clothes. “Uh, I don’t mean to be funny,
love, but my dick’s showing when I move,” he pointed out.
“I know.” Pierce nodded and grinned. “That’s kind of what I meant when I said
something was missing.”
“Yeah, just that it isn’t missing so much as that it’s, uh, too much. Well, not too much,
obviously, but… Oh, fuck, you know what I’m trying to say.” Noah sighed and ran his
fingers through his hair. “You’re messing with my head, baby. I can’t even seem to speak
coherently anymore.”
“Hm, admittedly, I love it when you lose the ability to speak,” Pierce said. “And as to
the messing with your head part—let’s see if I can mess with your anatomy a bit, too.”
“What…?” Noah fell silent when Pierce held up the last missing item. “You gotta be
kidding,” he gasped in surprise. “You want to put that on me? In public?”
“Yes,” Pierce answered, feeling strangely and unexpectedly elated. As much as Noah
pretended to be put out, it was still plain to see that the thought excited him. “It won’t be
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very public, seeing as the main purpose it has is to keep your clothes in place, but people
might catch a glimpse of it anyway. Anyone who does will know that you’re taken, my love.
And all the time you wear it, you will know that you belong to me. So, what do you think?
Do you want me to put this on you or do you want to keep your freedom?”
Suddenly there was a lot more to the question, and the meaning of the cock harness,
than what had been intended. It had just become a symbol for their relationship.
Noah blinked only once before he said, “Put it on me.”
* * * *
“Oh my, I think I’m hallucinating!” Francis exclaimed as soon as he spotted Noah. The
reaction filled Pierce with no small amount of pride, especially when he turned his head to
follow Francis’ gaze and look at Noah. No wonder Francis had trouble believing his eyes.
Trailing a few feet behind Pierce, Noah stood in a perfect, graceful but submissive posture.
His shoulders were squared and he was holding his head high and proud, but his eyes were
fixed on the ground. Pierce had been more than a little surprised at seeing how much Noah
remembered of his few months of training all those years ago. Then again, he spent a lot of
time with one of the best subs in the scene, so maybe he had been learning from Shae, too.
“Mind if I take a look?” Francis enquired, making the transition from brother and friend
to professional Dom and adapting the protocol the way he was required to do.
“Be my guest.” Pierce forced himself to keep his outward calm and stay where he was
even though every fibre inside him wanted to follow Francis as he went to examine Noah.
And Francis did inspect him. He ran his eyes over every inch of Noah’s body, which
caused Noah to stand just that little bit straighter.
“May I touch him?” Francis asked.
“Yes.”
Keeping his eyes trained on Noah’s face, Francis moved around him in a slow circle,
then touched his shoulder. Noah remained still.
“He’s amazing,” Francis praised and brushed Noah’s groin with the back of his hand as
he stopped in front of him. Noah sucked in an audible breath but remained in his position.
He did hollow his back, though, to put a little more distance between himself and Francis’
arm, which was still close to his privates.
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“Good boy,” Francis said in a low voice. “You’re absolutely right to show me your
boundaries.” Smiling, he moved away from Noah and looked at Pierce.
“He is amazing. But then again, I’ve known that all along. I just never would have
believed you could get him there.” His grin grew mischievous as he raised his voice just
enough to make sure that Noah would be able to hear him. “So tell me, Pierce—was that a
cock cage I detected just then?”
“Yes,” Pierce answered without hesitation.
“Mmh. Nice. You’re right to put a lock on him. The way he looks tonight even I would
be tempted to snatch him away from you. Now come on, let’s go get Shae. He must be
getting really impatient. The poor thing has been dying to see if Noah would really turn up
as your sub tonight. He’s been in such a state, I’ve had to flog him twice already and keep
him in bondage for half of the day to settle him.”
Walking at Francis’ side without Noah next to him was a peculiar feeling. Pierce knew
that it was the appropriate thing to do, given the roles they had assumed for the evening,
and, yet, it took him some effort to adapt to it. He was aware of the looks they were
attracting. Francis as the owner of the club and a well-renowned Dom never went unnoticed,
but Pierce was fairly certain that, this time, a lot of the lingering gazes and subdued whispers
had nothing to do with Francis. Or himself, for that matter. He resisted the urge to look back
and check on Noah. He had to rely on his sub to be able to handle himself. Noah deserved
that trust. In all probability, Noah was playing his part better than Pierce was his, anyway.
Francis walked them to his office. Custom-made to serve his requirements—all of
them—he’d had all the equipment installed that he needed to keep his lover and submissive
Shae around him for as much of his working time as he could.
The St Andrew’s Cross had been in there for about as long as the club had existed. After
all, Francis was on record saying that nothing helped him clear his head during long, boring
hours of brooding over his paperwork as well as spending twenty minutes with a willing sub
and a crop or a paddle.
When he had taken on Shae as his full-time sub and lover two years ago, he’d had a few
more instalments made until, nowadays, the room had more resemblance to one of the
playrooms on the upper floor of the club than to a proper office. The huge, hand-carved
wooden desk was still there, of course, as were the shelves filled with files and folders. There
was also a spanking bench and an assortment of different tools for working a nice flush into
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Shae’s skin if Francis needed more than twenty minutes to clear his head. Furthermore, there
was a big, comfortable sofa that had some rings inserted into its back rest in case Francis felt
the need to keep Shae in place when he fucked him stupid during his coffee break. A variety
of sex toys was ready nearby, and rumour had it that poor Shae had been heard screaming
himself hoarse more than once by the time Francis had finished his taxes.
The last piece of equipment Francis had had put up was a swing—for the quiet
moments when he really needed to focus, he had said with a suggestive smirk. As of yet, he
owed the answer to the question as to whether it was he or Shae who was supposed to focus.
Of course, it was invariably Shae who ended up in the swing, wrists and ankles secured and,
probably more often than not, gagged and blindfolded.
Pierce sometimes wondered if maybe he should be feeling disturbed knowing all this,
but then again, he had known Francis for all his life. Somewhere along the line he had
probably grown used to his older brother’s inclination to share even the most private bits of
information.
Sure enough, the swing was where Shae was when Pierce entered the office after
Francis. Noah, trailing behind as he was supposed to, flinched at seeing Shae, but got a grip
on himself.
Even Pierce could tell within seconds of laying eyes on Shae that he was deep in
subspace and probably never even noticed that he was no longer alone.
Seemingly endless lengths of red bondage rope decorated his otherwise naked body,
keeping him in a position that didn’t look uncomfortable—at least not physically and not for
him. It was, however, a position that could make the unsuspecting spectator feel quite
uncomfortable as it allowed easy access to every part of Shae’s beautiful body, and not just
visually.
Noah had clearly never seen his friend like this and looked a bit put out at the sight.
Trying not to let on, he was keeping his face averted, but Francis, who could probably still
read him better even than Pierce, wasn’t fooled.
“It seems Noah is having a little trouble with Shae’s position,” he observed.
Taking the hint, Pierce took a step closer to Noah. “It’s okay, love,” he said. “We don’t
have to stay if you don’t want to.”
Noah swallowed and took a breath as if about to say something, but he remained silent.
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“Shae isn’t hurting, Noah,” Francis said in a very gentle tone. “You know what he’s
like. No one would ever dream of putting you into such a position, okay? You’re safe. With
me, with Pierce. We’d never allow for you to get hurt.”
Noah gave a light, barely perceptible nod, then seemed to relax a bit.
“Good boy,” Francis praised, then looked at Pierce with a meaningful expression—a
wordless reminder that Pierce had just been neglecting his responsibility of looking after his
sub and keeping him at ease.
Pierce stifled a sigh. Noah really was better at this game, it seemed.
Passing over the incident, Francis made to untie Shae and bring him back to a level of
consciousness where it would be safe for him to get up and move around. Shae still didn’t
seem to be aware of what was going on around him by the time he was standing on his own
two feet again, but Pierce knew that Francis could be trusted to know exactly what he was
doing. Watching Shae fall into step with Francis as he led them out of the room, Pierce was
beginning to understand that what had just happened had been a scene and a vital lesson for
both him and Noah.
Pierce took up his position at Francis’ side again, accompanying him across the public
area of the club and to their dinner table. They were attracting even more attention now,
owing to the pair of handsome subs following them in well-trained obedience. When they
passed one of the large mirrors that were put up in regular intervals on the walls of the club,
probably for that very purpose, Pierce risked a quick glance. What he saw made him dizzy
with delight. Sure, the difference between Shae’s and Noah’s level of training was easy to
spot, even for his inexperienced eyes. But they were the same type physically and their
corresponding outfits and postures and the near synchronisation with which they moved
brought their similarity out even more . With Francis and Pierce’s obvious family
resemblance, the four of them made for a very striking sight. Pierce felt his chest tighten with
pride.
The synchronised movements faltered a little when they reached the dinner table and
tried to sort themselves out. Francis and Shae had an easy enough time, being well
accustomed to their positions. Francis took his chair and Shae dropped to his knees at
Francis’ feet in a motion so graceful and natural, Pierce didn’t even realise he was gone at
first.
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In theory, all he had to do now was find a chair for himself too, so Noah could do what
was expected of him and kneel at his side. However, finding the chair was where the
problem started for Pierce. First he chose the one across from Francis. Then, thinking that it
might be easier for Noah if he got to kneel beside Shae, he switched to the one next to
Francis. The result was that he bumped into Noah, who had just been about to sink to his
knees, and sent him careening into the table.
Noah let out a pain-filled grunt as his hip connected with a sharp edge of solid wood.
He tried to steady himself but tripped himself up and lost his footing. Taking a quick step
forwards, Pierce caught him and prevented him from ending up on the floor.
“I’m sorry, love,” Pierce whispered, feeling mortified.
“S’okay,” Noah mumbled. He sank to his knees, trying to slip back into his role, but his
concentration was obviously in shatters. Although he somehow managed to maintain his
position during the course of dinner, he was fidgety throughout and Pierce was probably not
making it any easier for him by looking down to check on him. He hated himself for doing it,
but the need to reassure himself that Noah was okay was overwhelming.
By the time he and Francis had had their digestives it was becoming obvious that the
experiment would soon have to be declared a failure. Noah seemed unable to be still for as
long as five seconds. His tension even began to rub off on Shae, who had begun to respond to
Noah’s near-constant agitation with the occasional twitch and uneven breathing.
Francis, of course, did the right thing by putting a soothing hand on Shae’s shoulder
and repeatedly telling Noah in an encouraging tone that he was holding up well, but it
seemed his efforts were in vain.
Noah finally admitted defeat by seeking to meet Pierce’s eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just can’t anymore. I need to get up.”
Pierce cast an anxious glance across the table to find Francis and ask for advice. It was
his job to keep Noah going and help him through this rough patch, but he just didn’t know
how to do it.
Francis looked back for a moment, then raised his eyebrows for the fraction of an inch.
“Shae often finds it easier to settle with a little flogging,” Francis observed in much the
same tone as if he was stating the fact that he liked Marmite.
Noah flinched and stared at Francis with wide, startled eyes. “Now?” he gasped.
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“Whenever you feel like you need it, Noah,” Francis replied. “You know the effect it
can have on you. You know it can help you settle and regain your focus.”
“I…” Noah broke off, then, looking indecisive, he said, “I don’t want to spoil the
evening.”
“Oh, Noah,” Francis chuckled. “This is a BDSM club, remember? The last thing that
would spoil anybody’s evening in here is a gorgeous sub who desires to get flogged. In
fact…” His eyes trailed down to Shae, who was still kneeling on the floor, seemingly
oblivious to the world around him. “I think Shae might rather enjoy another session, too.
Why don’t we make it a double?”
“Uh…” Looking about to bolt, Noah stared at Francis, all submissively downcast eyes
forgotten in the face of the question that had been flung at him.
Pierce for his part could relate well to the feeling. He had noticed Francis look at the
stage, and it didn’t take much to figure out that Francis had no intention of making their
double flogging session a private matter that was confined to one of the playrooms. Noah
had apparently reached the same conclusion.
“Sir… Am I right to assume that you’re talking about a, uh, public session? On stage?”
“Uh-huh.” Francis nodded.
Noah took a deep gulp of air and let it out in a very slow, controlled breath, clearly
struggling to cling on to his self-control. “I don’t think I’m ready for that—sir,” he mumbled.
“Noah,” Francis said in a gentle, but firm voice. “Do you trust me?”
Noah blinked but sounded convinced as he said, “Yes, sir.”
“Good. Do you trust Pierce?”
The pause was fractionally longer, but the answer came just as certainly. “Yes, sir.”
Francis nodded. “Very good, Noah. Now, most importantly—do you trust yourself?”
Seemingly surprised by the question, Noah gripped his bottom lip with his teeth and
started chewing it. It was a nervous tic he had been giving in to a lot lately.
“I don’t know, sir,” Noah at last admitted, distraught.
“I thought so,” Francis said. “Noah, the choice is yours. The choice is always yours. The
Dom leads the way, but it’s the sub who decides how far he wants to go—and if he wants to
go at all. Always remember that. Ideally, it will never get that far because a Dom should
never try to take a sub beyond the point where he’s comfortable. But if Pierce or I ever try to
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take you anywhere you don’t want to go, you always have your safe word. You can use it
whenever you feel the need to and everything stops.”
“I… I know, sir.”
“Good. With that in mind, I want you to answer me again. Do you trust me?”
Noah’s response came without hesitation. “Yes, sir.”
“Do you trust Pierce?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Do you trust yourself?”
“Y…yes. Sir.”
“Do you trust my opinion?”
A look of surprise appeared in Noah’s face but his voice was full of conviction as he
said, “Yes, sir.”
“Good. So if I’m telling you that you are indeed ready, what do you think?”
“But I’m scared,” Noah blurted out. “I can’t do it. Not… Not in public, with everybody
looking. I just can’t do that!”
It had taken Pierce less than a second to get up from his chair and sink down on the
floor at Noah’s side. Slinging his arms around his shaking shoulders, he rocked him. “It’s
okay, sweetheart. It’s okay. Nothing you’re not comfortable with, remember? I’m not going
to make you do this if you don’t honestly want it, okay?”
He rubbed Noah’s back in slow, soothing circles, still holding on to him. Looking up, he
met Francis’ eyes once more.
Francis gave him a tiny, appreciative nod as he stood up and gently brushed Shae’s
shoulder with his fingertips. Shae rose to his feet and followed Francis as he crossed the
room, headed for the stage.
“Just watch, love, okay?” Pierce said. He hadn’t missed the wink Francis had shot him
at the very last moment he’d turned away and Pierce was fairly certain that he’d interpreted
it correctly.
Apparently he had.
“No,” Noah said, sounding very decisive, but as Pierce raised his eyebrows, he lowered
his head again. “That is, I’d rather not, sir,” he corrected himself.
Pierce stifled a smirk. Apparently, Francis had once again read Noah and had
anticipated his reactions correctly.
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“What would you like, then?”
Squaring his shoulders, Noah took a breath. “I’d like to do it. Try it. Please.”
Pierce felt his own breath catch in his chest. Getting onto that stage alone must be a
nightmare come true for him. As far as Pierce knew, the last time Noah had been on it had
been when he was at the mercy of Robert.
What Robert had done to him and, worse, allowed others to do to Noah was beyond
description. It was one of the experiences Noah had never talked to Pierce about. He had
never really talked much about what had happened with Robert at all, so everything Pierce
knew about it, he knew from Francis. Francis, who had drawn all the ghastly secrets out of
Noah years ago and had made him face them but only ever given Pierce an edited version of
the full truth. It had made it easy to forget, still made it easy to forget sometimes, what
horrors Noah had been put through. Pierce never knew if he envied Francis that knowledge
or was glad that he didn’t have to trouble his mind with it.
“Okay. We’ll try it. Anything you want, sweetheart,” Pierce added and, getting up, he
dragged Noah to his feet with him. Rather than putting him in a position where he would
have to decide whether or not to do the appropriate thing and walk behind his Master, Pierce
pulled the slim leash from his pocket and clipped it onto the collar Noah still wore.
This way, he could keep Noah angled slightly behind him to obey the protocol and still
close enough to himself to make him feel safe.
Not looking at Noah so as not to unsettle him with his own nervousness, Pierce gave
the leash a light tug. Relieved when Noah followed him, he walked him to the stage. Francis
was waiting for them with a kind and, given the circumstances, only very mildly smug smile
on his face. Pierce took the few steps that led up to the stage without hesitation, aware that
any uncertainty on his part would almost certainly cause Noah to lose his nerve. He felt the
slight indecision in Noah’s step, felt the tug at the leash as he lingered for just an instant
before straightening up and climbing the stairs after Pierce.
Francis waited for them next to the tall St Andrew’s Cross, Shae kneeling at his feet.
“Glad you’re joining us,” he said, making it easier for Noah by not fussing around and
thus not giving him more time to think and doubt his decision.
“Now, logistics. I’d like to put our boys up on either side of the cross. That way, they
can look at each other if they like. Plus we get the benefit of seeing them both. What do you
think?”
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“I think it sounds just fine,” Pierce agreed. Allowing Noah to look at Shae was a good
way of offering him both a reassurance as well as a distraction, should he need them. And, of
course, it enabled Francis to watch Noah’s face for any signs of distress.
“Good. One more thing—Noah’s harness needs to come off, pretty though it looks on
him.”
“Oh. Of course.” Pierce unclipped the straps of the harness from the rings in the belt
and took it off Noah. When he had removed it, his eyes fell on the faint scars on Noah’s back.
There wouldn’t be any more of those. He was playing it as safe as he possibly could with
Noah. Making him ache the way he needed to in order to be able to block everything else
from his mind, but not so much he was running the risk of seriously hurting him.
“Want me to take off the other harness as well, love?” Pierce enquired. He’d kept
forgetting about it, but every time he thought about it, or caught a glimpse of Noah’s bare
skin underneath the leather, he could feel his groin tingle with desire.
Noah was his. Belonged to him. Every part of him was Pierce’s. He had Pierce’s ring on
his finger, and now a matching one on his cock. And the latter was one he wouldn’t be able
to get off since it came with a lock and a key. A key that was safe on a little chain around
Pierce’s neck.
“Whichever way you prefer,” Noah answered. He was beginning to hand himself over
again, allowing Pierce to take control.
“Fine. We’ll leave it on for now. I don’t want you to get off anyway, but if you get hard
and it becomes unbearable, tell me so, okay?”
Noah let out a weak little snort. “Fuck, Pierce, I’ve been half-hard for the entire fucking
evening,” he grumbled.
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Well then, good job that you have the harness and miniature loin cloth to keep you
decent, my love.”
Having overheard their conversation, Francis chuckled.
“Just make sure you have the key ready when he changes his mind and finds that he
suddenly very much wants to get off,” he teased, then he added, “Shae, pet, get in position.”
“You, too, Noah,” Pierce ordered, feeling some of the confidence he’d initially had that
night return to him. It hadn’t been going all smoothly so far, but so what? They were still
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there, and, seeing where they had started from, Noah standing on the stage was a huge
achievement in its own right.
Following Shae’s lead, Noah went to the cross. As they took their position on either side
of the tall construction, Pierce realised that it had been moved to stand in the middle of the
stage rather than in its usual space by the wall. It didn’t take much to figure out that, once
again, Francis had foreseen the turn events had been going to take that evening. He had
probably also done his fair share of manoeuvring them into it—as usual without anyone
noticing him do it until the very last moment.
It didn’t come as much of a surprise that the tools were already laid out as well. Two
cats-o’-nine-tails, one with quite nasty-looking threads, the other one of the softer, lighter
kind Pierce had been using on Noah the first—and last—time.
Pierce went to his designated space behind Noah and met Francis’ gaze across Noah’s
and Shae’s shoulders. Francis nodded. It was a small encouragement and the signal for Pierce
to get started at the same time.
Taking a breath, Pierce braced himself and picked up the lighter cat.
He held it out for Noah to see, knowing that he would feel safer if he knew what was
happening.
Noah looked up and his eyes widened a little. He flexed his fingers on the handles of
the cross, seemingly checking his hold on them.
“That’s it, love,” Pierce confirmed. “Make sure you stand as comfortably as you can.
You need to be able to hold your position for a bit.”
It was what Francis would have said, and, again, Pierce saw the steady reassurance in
his brother’s eyes as he met them. Shae hadn’t moved much at all yet. He had assumed his
position and was waiting for Francis to begin. With a last, encouraging nod in Pierce’s
direction, Francis raised his arm and snapped the thin leather thongs across Shae’s back.
Pierce watched Shae wince and his resolution faltered. How could he do this to Noah?
Noah had only had very few sessions with Francis after that significant initial one he’d
shared with Pierce and Pierce knew how much the flogging hurt. Francis had made him take
a few strikes himself, so he would know what it was like to be on the receiving end. He’d felt
the kiss of the cat on his skin, and it hadn’t been tender.
Yes, the instrument in his hand was relatively harmless, but it was still created to inflict
pain.
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In front of him, Noah shifted. The poor man was clearly getting nervous. Any second
now, what was left of his confidence that he could indeed face his fears would be shattered.
Pierce knew he couldn’t let him down now. Noah was counting on him.
The cat’s thongs licked at Noah’s skin.
Noah winced and sucked in a sharp breath, but took it rather well.
Pierce struck him again. He watched the muscles in Noah’s back flex and tense up,
crossed by fine red lines.
The leather threads whispered across Noah’s body once more, then faster, over and
over.
Pierce no longer gave Noah the chance to recover in-between blows. It meant that he
wasn’t giving him time to think and doubt anymore either and the effect it had on Noah was
beginning to show.
Paradoxically, he started to relax under the beating he was receiving. He rested his
forehead on the solid panel of the cross in front of him. His fingers went slack on the handle
and he was merely holding on with his fingertips as he had his back arched to welcome each
strike.
An even, delicate flush blossomed on his back. His breath, which was always a good
indication for the state of Noah’s mind, was coming regularly and deeply now.
Pierce knew the signs. Noah was well and truly settled, was taking to the flogging with
unexpected ease yet again, and Pierce finally understood what made him crave it.
The pain took his focus away from the world, from the pressure, the problems, even the
people around him until the flogger and the person at the other end of it—Pierce—were the
extent of his universe. Nothing else existed for him but the raw, stinging pain on his skin and
the man who gave it to him.
Noah had given control away, was allowing Pierce to strip him of his last defences and
trusted him to protect what was underneath. Trusted him to know what he needed and to
give it to him.
It was a powerful feeling and Pierce knew the signs well enough to be able to detect
them in himself. He was getting into Topspace and he was enjoying the sensation more than
he had ever thought he would. All that power. And Noah responded so well. He knew that
this night would change them. Had changed them already and maybe more so even than the
private session they’d enjoyed just a few days earlier.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
126
Careful not to overdo it and push Noah beyond what he could take, Pierce rode his
high for as long as he dared.
Again, it was Francis who gave the signal. He slowed down the strokes he rained on
Shae’s back and thighs and Pierce knew it was his cue for easing off, too.
Noah’s pale skin had turned that angry shade of pink again but he still didn’t seem to
mind.
The cat’s kiss found him for the last time and Pierce went to him, replacing the sharp
bite of the leather thongs with the smoothness of his hand.
Noah winced under the touch. Of course he would. The added heat of Pierce’s body,
the salt of the sweat on his skin must intensify to a hundred times on his assaulted flesh.
Pierce made him take the sting for a few moments, then backed off, trailing only the tips of
his fingers over Noah’s glowing skin as he checked him for damage.
There was a thin red welt, just below Noah’s left shoulder blade. On taking a closer
look, Pierce realised that it was right on top of one of the old scars. The delicate tissue hadn’t
resisted the fresh strain quite as well as the rest of Noah’s skin and looked irritated. It had
been broken and was likely to turn into a new scar.
Pierce didn’t fail to see the irony of that. He had just replaced one of the marks Robert
had left on Noah all those years ago with his own.
Faintly aware of someone’s presence inside his personal space, Pierce turned his head
to look at Francis, who had come to stand next to him.
“Amazing,” Francis whispered, sounding close to awe. “Both of you. Now take him
upstairs and give him what he needs. Finish him. The poor thing looks about to burst a ball
and will probably just detonate if you don’t let him get off soon.”
As usual, Francis hadn’t failed to spot the vital element. Pierce had barely paid attention
to that part of Noah’s body. He had been too focused on Noah’s emotional reactions to notice
his body responding as well.
But, sure enough, Noah was hard as nails and the harness was confining his straining
erection painfully in its unyielding embrace.
“You were amazing, love,” Pierce whispered into Noah’s ear as he reached up to his
own neck to undo the thin chain around it. Pressing his front to Noah’s heated back, he
reached around him to blindly seek out the lock. Noah arched into his touch, trying to find
more friction, but Pierce didn’t give it to him.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
127
“Easy, love,” he chuckled. “We’re still on stage. This is just to take the pressure off and
make sure you don’t get damaged. I won’t have you here. I’ll take you upstairs and then I’ll
give you everything you want, okay?”
“O-okay,” Noah croaked. His voice had gone tight with desire. He was swaying in
Pierce’s arms and seemed to be barely aware of his surroundings anymore.
Pierce wasn’t surprised when Francis handed him a key in passing, smug grin now
unconcealed and firm on his face. He didn’t need to ask to know that the key belonged to one
of the playrooms, just as he didn’t need to ask to know which room it was.
Getting Noah up the stairs wasn’t quite as easy. His legs kept giving out and he had to
lean on Pierce for support.
“You’re astonishingly heavy given how slender you are,” Pierce mumbled into Noah’s
hair as he dragged him along the hallway that led to their room. Noah instantly straightened
up and tried to take more of his own weight but Pierce just chuckled and pulled him in close
again.
Inside the room, Pierce put him on the bed. On his front, at which Noah moaned in
protest.
“Shush, sweetheart. I have to take care of your back first,” Pierce told him. Noah
grunted, not pleased, but he lay still.
The soothing aftercare lotion was ready at hand—of course it was—and Pierce worked
a large amount of it into Noah’s skin. He’d been half expecting Noah’s arousal to have cooled
off during this procedure, but the barely suppressed, soft moans Noah let out occasionally
and his uneven breathing told him otherwise.
“Don’t tell me you enjoy getting touched now,” Pierce asked.
Noah took a moment to give his, mostly muffled, answer. “I do—somehow.”
“And it turns you on.”
“Uh… Yes,” Noah admitted after a second’s hesitation. “I can’t explain it, really. It
stings all over, but when you rub it, it’s like you’re soothing it while making the burn more
intense at the same time.” He made a face. “I guess I am into pain, after all.”
The insecurity contained in his statement was easy to detect. Pierce also recognised the
unspoken plea in it.
“It’s okay, love. Anything you want, remember? I love you, and nothing you ask me to
do can ever change that.”
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
128
He felt Noah take a shuddery breath under his hands before he quietly said, “Oh my.
That’s saying something.”
“I know. It’s the truth, though. Now stop worrying and enjoy.”
“What…?” Noah started but fell silent when Pierce bit his left butt cheek and tugged
gently at the flesh.
“Oh, fuck,” he gasped seconds later when Pierce spread him to trail a line of soft,
nibbling kisses down to that well-hidden spot. It was the last coherent thought Noah would
be capable of, Pierce knew, as he started flicking the tip of his tongue over the sensitive,
puckered skin.
It was a rare treat for Noah. Not that Pierce didn’t thoroughly enjoy blowing his mind
with that special attention every now and then, but saving it for special occasions made it
more…well, exceptional somehow.
“Get up on your knees, love,” Pierce ordered, helping Noah up with supportive hands
on his hips, then carefully parted his buttocks once more to expose the glistening, moist skin.
It was easier now, the different angle allowing for better access, and he nibbled at
Noah’s rim, letting him feel just a hint of teeth, but it was enough to make Noah writhe in
pleasure. Pierce alternated the stimulation of Noah’s hole with careful rubs across the
oversensitised, heated skin of his back. Noah moaned almost constantly now, soft sounds
that were a clear indication of his arousal. Yes, Noah seemed to enjoy a certain amount of
pain and he took the slow, teasing torture Pierce subjected him to well.
Hands placed on Noah’s hips, rubbing tiny circles on Noah’s assaulted back with his
thumbs, Pierce held him in place as he breached him with his tongue.
Noah whimpered and tried to push back for more contact. Pierce grinned. Noah was so
eager these days, begging for the touch, welcoming the intrusion, not clenching up the way
he used to do all those years ago. He had come a long way, and he deserved a reward.
Readjusting the hold of his hands, Pierce pressed one of his hands onto that dip in
Noah’s spine, holding him down, then used the index finger of his free hand to enter Noah’s
body. He was still licking at the skin surrounding it, even dipping in his tongue occasionally,
now along with his finger. It was a way of confusing Noah’s nerves, making it impossible for
him to tell where Pierce’s tongue ended and his fingers began. Pierce slipped a second finger
in. Noah groaned and held his breath for a moment, adapting to the invasion.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
129
Taking him this way, with only Pierce’s spit to slick things up, was riding a fine line
between discomfort and the pleasure the enhanced friction provided. Pierce gave him
another moment, caressing him with his tongue to help him relax, then pushed in deep.
Noah took it with a gasp, but didn’t try to evade him. He jerked a little when Pierce found
the right spot and gave the firm little nub a gentle nudge then groaned when Pierce started
rubbing it.
Somehow Pierce managed to readjust his position so he could slip the hand that was
not busy exploring Noah on the inside between Noah’s legs and curl it around his swollen
shaft. Noah instantly thrust into the channel Pierce provided for him, clearly desperate for
release now.
“Just a little longer, sweetheart,” Pierce whispered against the skin he was caressing. “I
want you to really feel this.”
Very carefully, he pushed a third finger into Noah’s body, stretching him yet farther.
He soothed the sting he was doubtlessly causing with his tongue, applying more moisture at
the same time.
Noah flexed his hips in desperate, barely rhythmic movements, alternately pushing his
cock into Pierce’s fist and impaling himself on Pierce’s fingers and tongue.
Rearranging his position once more, Pierce kept both hands where they were, keeping
up the stimulation, but lowered his face to lick at Noah’s sac. He nibbled at the seam for a
moment then sucked one of Noah’s testicles into his mouth. Noah arched his back,
instinctively trying to escape and protect himself, but Pierce held on, flexing his jaw muscles
to apply more pressure on the sensitive little ball and pulling it yet farther away from Noah’s
body.
He could feel Noah topple over the edge almost instantly. He could feel the orgasm
start in the delicate part of Noah he was holding in his mouth and could feel it try to draw
back closer to the body. Then he felt the spasms of Noah’s cock as it leapt into life in his
hand. Noah’s muscles clenched around the fingers Pierce still had deep inside him and one
more nudge of the right spot had him scream out in unconcealed, uncontrollable pleasure.
Totally concentrated on Noah’s body and the joy he was bringing him, Pierce had
barely been aware of his own arousal. Now, all of a sudden, he was right there. The sounds
and sights of orgasm in his lover had him at the verge in an instant, and it took no more than
three quick, long strokes of the hand he’d slipped free to bring himself off.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
130
Surprised, but sated, he sank back and rested his head on the base of Noah’s spine. He
could feel Noah heave with his still too fast, excited breaths. He could smell the salt of his
sweat and the tang of their combined semen. Raising his head, he brushed a kiss on Noah’s
butt cheek, then guided him down on the bed with gentle hands. Following the invitation
with a satisfied sigh, Noah settled on his side, facing Pierce.
“That was not the way I thought it would be,” he said, still a little breathless.
“No? Why not?”
“Aren’t I the one who is supposed to do as you please, seeing as I’m your sub?
Shouldn’t I be of service to you?”
“But you just did as I pleased, love,” Pierce corrected him. “You were of service and I
thoroughly enjoyed every second of what we just did. All I wanted was to have my wicked
ways with that gorgeous body of yours. I wanted to make you fly and take you out of your
mind.”
“Hm.” A pensive frown appeared on Noah’s forehead. “What about that whole me
being your sub thing anyway? I mean, I’ve known it was your secret wish all along, but I just
don’t really get it. You’re not a dominant person as such and you don’t like most of the stuff
that is going on in the scene. For instance, you never would have dreamed of flogging me if I
hadn’t asked you to.”
“No, I wouldn’t have and it’s not about that for me anyway. I just like the idea of you,
for once, not being in control,” Pierce explained. “And it doesn’t matter that I’m not a real
Dom. It doesn’t matter that you’re not a real sub either. To me, it’s the thought that counts.
The fact that I feel like I’m the one in charge.”
“Oh.” Noah looked thoughtful for a moment, then he said, “It’s not a feeling I give you
very often, is it?”
“No,” Pierce admitted with a weak smile and a shake of his head. “No, you don’t,
which is why it’s all the more exciting when you actually do let me have it occasionally.”
“Well, well, aren’t we a pair?” Noah remarked with a sardonic sigh. “You’re the Dom
who doesn’t get to be in control and I’m the sub who isn’t submissive. Do you think Francis
will let us play at the club at all if he ever finds out about that?”
“I don’t know. Although, knowing Francis, he probably already knows. Maybe we
should try claiming that it’s the beginning of a new culture.”
“Yeah. A sub-culture,” Noah punned with a smirk.
SUB-CULTURE Sage Marlowe
131
Pierce chuckled but turned serious again rapidly. “Does that mean you’re actually
willing for us to play like that again?”
A slow, mischievous smile appeared on Noah’s face. “If it means that I get that kind of
treatment from you every time, then, hell, yeah, let’s play.”
“I’ll remind you of that one day soon,” Pierce announced.
“Oh, please do.” Sighing, Noah buried his head deeper in the plush pillow. His hair
was a sweat-tangled, dishevelled mess and his face was still flushed, but Pierce couldn’t
remember him ever having looked more beautiful.
“I love you, Noah,” Pierce said, from the bottom of his heart.
“I love you, too,” Noah answered, sounding equally earnest, albeit a little huskier.
“You can go to sleep now, if you like.”
“Nn-nn.”
“Aren’t you tired? You must be completely exhausted,” Pierce wondered.
Noah gave him a lazy, satisfied smile. “Mmm… Sated, rather, I’d say. No, really, I don’t
want to sleep. I just want to lie here and watch you.”
“Watch me?”
“Yeah.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because you’re adorable. Because I can’t seem to get enough of you. Because…” Noah
swallowed, sounding troubled all of a sudden, then he blurted out, “Because sometimes I just
can’t believe how incredibly lucky I am to have found you and I fear that, if I close my eyes,
it all might go away. You might go away. I couldn’t stand losing you, Pierce. I love you too
much to live without you.”
“Shh. I will never go away, Noah,” Pierce reassured him, hearing his own voice rough
and tight with emotion. “I love you, and I will stay with you. I’m the man who has married
you, remember? I have promised to be with you, for better and for worse, and I will keep
that promise for as long as you’ll have me.”
Noah let out a shaky little chuckle. “You might be in for a long time, then.”
“Am I? Why?”
“Because when it comes to being with you, then, for me, forever seems just about long
enough.”
Smiling, Pierce leaned in for a kiss. “Forever it is, my love.”
Also available from Total-E-Bound Publishing:
Re-Submission
Sage Marlowe
Excerpt
Chapter One
“Oh, come on, you’ve got to be joking!” Tyler groaned when the smoke-grey Jaguar in
front of him slowed and braked yet again instead of just passing the orange light. “Why does
this always happen when I’m in a fucking hurry?” he grumbled, drumming his fingers on
the steering wheel as he counted to ten. Then twenty. Thirty. The light changed but the
Jaguar remained glued to the asphalt and cowered on the road like a beautiful but lazy cat.
“Hel-lo!” Tyler shouted, but nothing happened. Except that the light changed back to
red after a short period. “Fuck!”
Tyler thumped the steering wheel and watched the other car. Its driver must have been
busy checking stock exchange rates instead of paying attention to the traffic. But then again,
with a car like this, the driver was in all probability not the owner but rather some poor soul
who had to ferry an overpaid, underworked business executive around. The light went green
again and still the Jaguar remained in place.
At last, the driver’s door opened and a slim figure hopped out.
“Damn, how sick can you get?” Tyler muttered. A chauffeur in uniform was one thing,
but this one was wearing a uniform made of black leather.
The man went around the car, opened the bonnet and disappeared behind it. Seconds
later, he turned up again and walked to the rear of the car where he seemed to be talking to
whoever sat in the backseat.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Tyler unclipped his belt, then got out of the car and slammed the
door shut, just to vent some of his frustration. Staring at the Jaguar, he shouted, “I don’t care
what your problem is, but could you just remove that pile of scrap so I can get past? I’ve
somewhere to be and I haven’t got all day to get there.”
Startled, the driver glanced in Tyler’s direction but not quite at him. He was younger
than Tyler had assumed him to be at first sight. He must have been in his early twenties, but
skinny and fine-boned and not Tyler’s type. Plus, his nervy fidgetiness was rather annoying,
as was the fact that he didn’t give an answer. Ignoring Tyler, he shifted his attention back to
his passenger. Just as Tyler was about to turn around and leave the irritating thing alone, the
back door of the car was opened and the mysterious second man emerged.
Tyler froze mid-motion. The driver had been of little interest to him, but the passenger
had his entire attention in an instant. Tall and with the kind of posture that suggested a
greater physical power than his refined, somewhat snobbish exterior led one to believe, he
was right up Tyler’s alley. He was also probably older than him by a few years and quite
handsome in a distinguished way. The clothes he wore must have cost more than Tyler
earned in a month.
“Sugar daddy,” Tyler whispered to himself.
“I apologise for the inconvenience,” the man called out to him. “I’m afraid the car
refuses to start and my driver has no idea why that is.” His voice was kind and pleasant but
instead of sounding apologetic, there was a decisive tone to it, as if its owner was used to
giving orders and being obeyed without question. Tyler liked it. He went to the Jaguar and
held out his hand to the stranger without even thinking about it.
“Tyler Kane. Any clues as to what’s wrong with it?”
“Francis Hollister,” the other man replied as he gave Tyler’s hand a dry, firm squeeze.
“And no. The engine just died when we stopped and won’t start again.”
“Got enough petrol?”
“I hope so.” Francis glanced at his leather-clad driver with a faint smile on his face and
Tyler, too, turned to the boy. “Well, have you?”
He got a wordless, weak nod in reply.
“Okay. Good. Was there anything unusual with it?”
Not meeting his eyes, the boy didn’t answer.
“Hi there, anyone at home?” Tyler enquired, letting sarcasm seep into his voice. “I’m
talking to you. You’re the driver, you must have noticed something. Besides, if that’s your
job, you should have some idea about cars. So?”
Still, the young man ignored him and Tyler’s anger flared up again.
“Is there something wrong with you? I’m talking to you. Are you deaf?”
“No, he’s not deaf.” Francis took a step closer to him, blocking the chauffeur with his
body. “And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t shout at him.”
“Well, what’s the matter with him? Can’t he speak for himself?” Tyler asked.
“Not right now, no.”
“Why’s that? Cat got his tongue?”
“He’s ordered to silence,” Francis said.
“He’s what?”
“Ordered to silence.”
“By whom?”
“Me.”
“Why?”
Francis didn’t bat an eyelid as he said, “Because I wanted to.”
Tyler laughed. “Now that must be the best reason I’ve ever heard of.” He turned to the
driver again. “How come he gets to order you around like that? Does he pay you enough for
it or does he simply know a dirty secret about you?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m not paying him at all,” Francis explained in
a conversational tone. “And even though I do know what you would probably consider a
dirty secret or, in fact, more than just one about him, that is not the reason why he obeys my
orders.”
“Well, what is?”
“I’m his Master.”
Tyler needed a few heartbeats to get past his surprise. “Master?” he repeated,
bewildered and not just a little amused.
“Yes, Master.”
“Master of what? Puppets?”
“Your sarcasm is quite out of place, Mr Kane. Besides, I’d rather find a solution for my
car than discuss my sub’s motivations with you, so if you’ll excuse me.” Moving away from
him, Francis pulled a mobile phone from the inside pocket of his well-cut suit. A moment
later, he turned back, glaring at the phone. “No network. Seems we’re stuck here for a bit,
pet.”
The younger man raised his shoulders in a helpless shrug.
“I know. Me neither.” Francis glanced at Tyler with an unwilling expression on his face.
Tyler’s gaze darted from one to the other. “What?”
“I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to check your phone and, should you be able to, call in a
breakdown service on my behalf.”
“Oh.” Tyler felt nervous as he met Francis’ cool blue eyes. “Well, maybe I could check
on it,” he suggested. “I know a few things about cars.”
“Oh, would you? That’s very kind of you.”
“No problem.” Tyler went to the front of the car and checked the dashboard. Then he
closed the bonnet and hopped onto the driver’s seat, laughing when the engine roared into
life a second later.
“How did you do that?”
“Magic touch.” Tyler wriggled his fingers in front of Francis’ face. “No, seriously, your
car’s equipped with an emergency system that shuts off the petrol feed in case of an accident.
Like almost everything else these days, it’s electronically controlled and sometimes goes
bonkers for no reason at all.”
“What did you do about it?”
“Pressed the reset button.”
“Oh. Well, thank you, that was…” Francis was interrupted by his driver, who, suddenly
very much animated, dropped to his knees right in front of him and tried to kiss his shoes
but failed when Francis took a step back. “No, pet,” he said in a firm but pleasant voice. “Not
here and it’s not necessary anyway. You did nothing wrong, you simply didn’t know any
better.”
When the younger man tugged at the leg of his suit, he said, “Not now. Be good and do
as you’re told, pet. You’ll have time to explain when we’re back at the club.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you guys?” Tyler couldn’t hold back anymore and glared
at Francis. “What is all that about? You order him to silence, he kisses your feet and did you
really just call him ‘pet’? Doesn’t he have a name?”
“Of course he has a name,” Francis replied. “I just don’t use it.”
“Why not? You can’t just not use his name.”
“Of course I can. His name doesn’t matter. I’m his Master. He belongs with me, which is
all that matters to identify him, both for himself and for others.”
Tyler frowned, stupefied. “He belongs with you? Is that some kind of sick game you’re
playing?”
Francis held his gaze. “I can assure you, it’s neither a game nor sick.”
“Hang on.” Tyler understood at last. “You’re some of those BDSM freaks, right?”
For the first time, anger flared up in Francis’ eyes. “I don’t think it’s fair to start calling
someone names because of the way they live their lives.”
“Oh, come on. Leather and studs. It’s all just about fashion, isn’t it?” Tyler cast the
leather-clad young driver a glance and chuckled. “Or are you more of the whip-swinging
kind?”
“Firstly, leather is not just about fashion,” Francis said. “At least not for those who take
it seriously. And as to the whip-swinging—yes, I use a whip occasionally. Among a selection
of other tools.”
Tyler fought not to laugh. “Tools? What tools could they possibly be? None that have
anything to do with cars, I hope!”
Francis’ eyes narrowed. “You might know more about cars than I do, but we’ve all got
our weaknesses. You, for instance, wouldn’t last a day in my world.”
“You do like your drama, don’t you?” Tyler mocked. “‘In your world’. What does your
world look like? Lined in leather and a whip in every corner? With a pretty slave like the
silent one over there for everyone?”
“You really have no idea what you’re talking about, have you?” Francis said.
“No, I don’t. Why don’t you tell me?”
“It’s not just leather and whips, and ‘the silent one’, as you call him, is not a slave, he’s a
submissive, and he is working quite hard to meet my standards of training. But I wouldn’t
expect an outsider like yourself to understand any of that.”
An idea came to Tyler’s mind. “How about you change that?”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“Well, you’re right. I’ve just realised that I really have no idea what your world is like. I
know the clichés, and I suppose only half of what I’ve heard is true. So, if you’re pissed off
with me for not knowing any better, then why don’t you show me? Besides, how hard can it
be to just be silent and drive your master around town?” He chuckled. “You said I wouldn’t
last a day. I bet I’d last a whole month.”
Francis stared at him for a long moment. His handsome features were guarded and
unreadable. “What are you suggesting? A month? As a submissive in my training?”
“Yes, why not?” Tyler said, getting very enthusiastic about the idea. At least that would
give him time to stop thinking about the bastard who had dumped him after dating him for
three months with no more than a text message—a poorly spelled one at that. Besides, how
hard could it be? Wear a bit of leather clothing and be silent. Piece of cake. And if it meant
that he got to see some more of the tall silent guy, well, even better.
“What did you say your experience with the BDSM scene was?” Francis asked, still
sounding sceptical.
Tyler smirked and shot him a wink. “Well, I did watch Pulp Fiction but that’s about it.”
Francis looked like he’d just discovered that his snakeskin boots were still alive and had
started to rattle. “Pulp Fiction?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Please tell me that you’re at least gay.”
“Oh, I am,” Tyler assured him. “Totally. There’s not even a single straight hair on me.”
Francis regarded him for a very long time, staring into his eyes as if searching for an
answer to a question only he knew, then he said, “I must be mad to even consider it but, yes,
okay. Why not? You get trained as a submissive in my club and we’ll see how long you can
stand it.”
“Fine. When can I start?”
“Tonight.” Francis produced a business card from the inside pocket of his jacket and
handed it to Tyler. “Tonight at eight. Show this at the entrance and ask for me. And be on
time, please.”
“You bet.”
Tyler left him standing there and went back to his car.
Boy, this was going to be so much fun.
About the Author
Sage has been passionate about books from a very early age on and dreamt of writing
one for years while working on the day job instead. It took a very persistent character
in the company of a treasured Muse to finally get the first novel going. The fact that he
was gay came as a bit of a surprise, but it explained a lot.
Ever since, Sage has been the willing slave to all the fascinating guys who just keep
queuing up and want their stories told. This has resulted in several manuscripts at
various stages of completion, so there’s always something to work on—preferably at
night when the rest of the house is asleep.
Sage’s characters often have a dramatic and sometimes traumatic past and need to
battle some demons to be with the one they love. It doesn’t hurt that they usually get
quite a lot of naughty action along the way!
Sage loves to hear from readers. You can find her contact information, website and
author biography at
Also by Sage Marlowe
Total-E-Bound Publishing
www.total-e-bound.com
Take a look at our exciting range of literagasmic™
erotic romance titles and discover pure quality
at Total-E-Bound.
Document Outline
- Sage has been passionate about books from a very early age on and dreamt of writing one for years while working on the day job instead. It took a very persistent character in the company of a treasured Muse to finally get the first novel going. The fa...
- Ever since, Sage has been the willing slave to all the fascinating guys who just keep queuing up and want their stories told. This has resulted in several manuscripts at various stages of completion, so there’s always something to work on—preferably a...
- Sage’s characters often have a dramatic and sometimes traumatic past and need to battle some demons to be with the one they love. It doesn’t hurt that they usually get quite a lot of naughty action along the way!
- Email: marlowe.sage@yahoo.co.uk
- Also by Sage Marlowe
- Sub-Mission
- Re-Submission
- Knives and Feathers
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