WantingHim(TheStarrBrothers,BookOne)

ByTerryCross

COPYRIGHT2017TerryCross,allrightsreserved.

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!

Jay

"Nerdalert!Irepeat,nerdalert!"Zekesaysasheelbowsmeinthearm.Ishoothimadirtylook;

heshouldknowbetterbynowthantoriskpissingoffacustomerlikethis.IneedallthecustomersIcan
get.Thenagain,theonlythingsZekecaresaboutarecatchinghisnextwaveandmotorboatingsome
brainlessblondeinthebackofhisorangeVWvan.

Ishakemyheadandadjustthepencilinmyearthat'sabouttoslipout.Ihaven'tbeenmyselflately,

notevenclose.Mystore,ourfamilybusiness,isallI'vegotleftafterthecriminalchargesI'mfacing.I
can'taffordtojeopardizethestore,ormyselfrightnow.I'veneverexactlybeen,shallIsay,thesensitive
type,butlately,I'vebeentoosternevenforme.

Feelingresponsibleforthedeathsofinnocenthumanbeingswilldothattoaman.Ihaven'tslept

formorethanfourhoursstraightsincethehit-and-run,andIdon'tseeanylightattheendofthistunnel.

"Don'tbeanasshole,Zeke.Icanreplaceyouinabout30secondswithsomeothercollege

dropout."

"Whatevs,boss.Ican'tbeadropoutifIneverevenstartedbro!"hesays.
Irollmyeyes."You'reapaininmyass.Youknowthat?"Isay.
Zeke'sjustakid,twentyyearsoldatmost.Hislong,shaggyhair,frumpyrippedjeans,and

permanentcarefreesmirkareallclearevidencetosugfgestthathehasnocluewhattherealworldhasin
storeforhim.Thiskidmaynotknowhisassfromhiselbow,buthe'sanicekidnonetheless.I'mjustnotin
themoodforthiskindofshitrightnow.

Thebellringsthatsignalsacustomerjustwalkedthroughmydoor.I'vegotmyheadburiedin

spreadsheetsatthemoment,tryingtomakesurethatthisplaceisbringinginmoremoneythenit'sputting
outrightnow.Ihearadeep,malevoicewhistlinglikehe'sthehappiestmotherfuckerontheplanet.Maybe
Zekeisright;maybesomegeekyassholedidjustwalkintomystore.Atleast,that'swhatIthoughtuntilI
lookupandseeit'samedium-builtmaninadarkblue,well-fittedsuitwholooksaboutasfarfromnerdy
asanymancouldlook.Itdoesn'thurthisoveralllookthathealsohasdark,wavyhairandsun-kissedskin
thatreeksofmoneyandstrongquarterlyearnings.

Themanheadsrighttomystoneveneerdisplay.Zekewinksatmeandcomesoutfrombehindthe

desklikehe'sactuallyinterestedintryingtohelpthiscustomer.Ishakemyhead,putthesuitoutofmy
mind,andgetbacktomymonstroustaskoftryingtobalancemystorebudget.

Good,Itellmyself.Betteroffnottoevenlookatothermenthatgoodlooking.
I'mnotinthebusinessofgettingburnedanymore.Ifrelationshipscouldactuallyleavescars,I'dbe

coveredinthird-degreeburnsbynow.Tomakemattersworse,mybrothersShaneandColbyhaven't
spokentomeinaboutayearnow.Ihaveameetingwithmynewattorneytomorrowmorning,andI'm
hopingIcanstarttoturnmylifearound,aslongasIstayfocused.Andbyfocus,Imeandoingmyjobhere

atthestoneyard,stayingoutofotherboy'spants,andputtingmyenergyintopositiveendeavors.

"Yo,boss!Thisonesabovemypaygrade,bro!Alittlehelpwouldbesweet!"IhearZekecallout

tome.

Oh,fuck.Ijustwishoneofmyfuckingemployeescouldhandlesomething,anything,ontheirown.

It'sbadenoughIhavetogooutanddoalloftheestimatingmyselfforeveryjob,allIaskforisthatthese
kidscanhandlesomeofthesimplershitinthestoreanddosomeofthecorelaboronthejobsites.Why
doIfeelsomucholderatagetwenty-sixeventhoughmostoftheseguysareonlyafewyearsyoungerthan
me?Mustbemyupbringing.MybrothersandIwereraisedtough;myfatherdidn'tstandforanywhining
orbullshitexcuses.Weweretoldtogetitdone,andgetitdonefastandright.Andforthemostpart,the
Starrbrothershavehadadecentstreakgoing.

Thenagain,Ihaven'ttalkedtomybrothersinalongtime,soIcan'tsayIknowhowthey'redoing

lately.Doesithurt?Fuckyes,ithurts.They'remybrothers.Butwehadafallingout,andnotaoneofusis
knownpreciselyforbeingover-communicativeandopen-minded.Hell,Idon'tevenknowwho'srightor
wronganymore.Atthetime,IwassureIwasright,butnow,I'mluckyifIcangetupinthemorning,make
senseofwhathappenedbetweenmybrothersandme.

IgruntandgroantomyselfasIwalkoutfrombehindthecounterandheadovertothecustomer.

Zekewinksashewalkspastme.Thatsonofabitchcouldcarelesswhetherornotheloseshisjob.I
wishIcouldbesocarefreelikethat,evenifitwereonlyforanhour.Butthenagain,he'sjustastupidkid.
It'seasytobecarefreewhenyou're20,andyou'veneverheldsomeoneinyourarmsandwatchedthem
taketheirlastbreath.It'seasywhenyou'rethatyoung,andyouthinkthatlifeissolong.

"HowcanIhelpyou,sir?"Isaytothemanfrombehind.Heturnstofaceme,andIfeeltheheadof

mycocktwitchslightly.See,thisisexactlywhatIdon'twanttodealwithrightnow-thesetypesof
feelings.Heflashesabroadsmile,showingoffaperfectsetofstraight,whiteteeth.IsweartoGod,he
actslikehe'sthehappiestmotherfuckerI'veeverseencomeinthestore.Ican'ttellifIwanttoslaphimor
slipmytongueinhismouth.

"Hi,I'mPierce."Hereachesouttoshakemyhand,unbeknownsttomyselfastowhy.Isthisguy

runningforpresidentorsomething?Jesusbuddy,calmthefuckdownwiththesmile.DoIsoundbitter?
HowcanInot,aftereverythingthat'shappenedtomelately.

Ilookathishandandhesitateforamoment,thenremembermybusinessmaxim.Customersfirst,I

tellmyself.

Ishakehishandback,onlytobetakenabackfromhowfirmhisshakeis.Hishandsarelarge,

almostthesamesizeasminefromwhatIcantell;onlythey'rewaysmoother.Thesoftnessofhisskin
versusminemakessensemakesgiventhesuithe'swearing.Ilookmorecarefullyintohisbabyblueeyes
andseeaconfidentglimmerthattellsmethisman'supbeatdemeanorshouldneverbemistakenforhim
beinganidiot.

"I'mJay,howcanIhelpyoutodaysir?"
Thecustomerturnstofacethesampleofstoneveneer.IfightbacktheurgetolookathisassasI

standbehindhim.Ihavebeenprettyluckyupuntilthispointfromthemomenthewalkedinthestorenotto
getcaughtcheckinghimout.Andthat'ssayingalotforaguylikeme.

"IhavethisreallyoldfireplaceinmycondoandIwanttomakeitlookalittlelesslikeitwas

builtthesameyearWorldWarIIstarted.Canyouhelpme?"heasks.

"I'msurewecanhelp,butwewouldprobablyneedtosendaguyouttoyourplacetomakesure

ourmaterialsareagoodmatchforyoursituation.Ithelpstoknowhowmuchspaceareworkingwith,and
whattypeofstonewouldworkbestwithyourfireplace."

HecarefullystudiesthevarioussamplesofdifferentstonesthatIshowcase.Idon'tcarrythecheap

stuff;onceweapplythisstone,itdoesn'tcomeoff,unlessyoutakeasledgehammerandpounditoff.
Refinishingfireplacesisoneofmybiggestmoney-makers,andit'snotthathard;it'sbasicallyjustamatter

ofcuttingoutthestonessotheyfitwithintherightdimensionsandgluingthemwithmortarontotheold
surface.Customersarealwaysreallyhappywhenwe'redone.Andthebestpartis,evenmyleastskilled
guyscandoadecentgoodjobrefacingfireplaces.

Herunshislongfingeralongoneofthelightgraysamples-ourEarthTonecollection."Doyou

havetheseinstock?"heasks.

"That'soneofourbiggestsellersrightnow.Wecangetthatforyoutodayifyouhaveabuilder

readytogo."

Hebitesdownsoftlyonhislowerlipashethinksforasplitsecond."Idon'thavesomeonetodo

thework.Canyourecommendanyone?"

Ismile."Actually,we'reaone-stopshop.Wedoeverythingfromdesigntocompleteinstall."
"We?"heasks,glancingdownatmychestforasplitsecond.Mycockpulses,again,inmypants.
AndI'mnothappyaboutthat.
Ishrugmyshouldersandtrytoappearunphasedbyhisglance."Wehavelotsofguyswhodoa

reallynicejobwiththissortofthing."

TheBenAfflecklookalikeinthesuitscruncheshisnoseandlooksupattheceilingasifhe'strying

todigestEinstein'stheoryofrelativity."Anyideahowlongittakestodoajoblikethis?"heasks.

Thesedays,I'dhavealreadyrunoutofpatiencewiththismanyquestions,butthismanissucha

sightforsoreeyesIdon'tsomuchmindhisquestioning."LikeIsaid,buddy,wereallyhavetoseethejob
first.Wehavetoknowwhatkindofconditionthepre-existingsurfaceisin,whatkindofstoneyoupick,
whattypeofsurfaceyourfireplaceadjoins,etc.Icangetyournameandnumberandsetupatimetohave
oneofmyguysswingbyandgiveyouanestimateifthat'swhatyou'dlike,"Isay.

Piercerunshisfingersalongoneofthepiecesofstoneagain.Hehaslong,thinfingers,atleast,

comparedtomine.Thisguydoesn'tlooklikehe'smuchofapowerlifter,buthelooksfitatthesametime,
ifthatmakessense.Hissuitfitsperfectlyaroundhisshoulders,andashereachesouttotouchoneofthe
higherupstonesamples,thefabricofhissuitpantshugshisasseversotightly.Mydickstartstogrow
slightlyinmypants;IhavenochoicebuttomakemyselflookawayfromhisassasfastasIcan.

"Sure,whydon'twestartthere.It'sgettingtothepointwhereI'llneverbeabletosellthisplaceif

Idon'tdosomethingaboutthisfireplace,"hesayswithasmile.

Ismilebackathim,showinghimthatItoohaveanicesetofteethandadecentpairoflips.

"Great,Zekecangetdownyournameandnumberandwillgetbacktoyouassoonasweknowwhenwe
cansendsomeoneout."

Pierce,Isayhisnametomyself.Withanamelikethat,you'reprettymuchboundtowearan

expensivesuitfortherestofyourlife.He'sthekindofmanthatreeksofsophisticationandclass,not
exactlymyusualtype.Butsomethingaboutthesmoothcleansheenofhisskin,andthatlittlesmilethat
neverseemstoleavehisfacegetsmegoing.Forfuck'ssake,themanevencameintothestorewhistling.
Whothehellisthathappythesedays?Don'tgetmewrong,Icoulduseanextradoseofhappiness.My
platehasbeenmorethanfulldealingwiththeaccusationsthatIsomehowshouldbeheldaccountablefor
thehit-and-run.

Ifeelbadasfuckinsideaboutwhathappened,andinaweirdway,eventhoughmykeyswere

stolenfrommewithoutmyknowledge,Idofeelpartlyresponsible.Itwasmypartythatnight,andIknew
Ishould'veknowntokeepthekeysawayfromBrandon.

ButIdidn't.Andthere'snothingIcandotochangethatnow.Believeme,ifthereweresomethingI

coulddoIwoulddoitinaheartbeat.AllIcandonowistrytoclearmyinvolvementinthisincidentas
bestIcan.Luckily,IplantodojustthattomorrowmorningwhenImeetmynewattorney.

IlookoverandseePierceleaningoverthecounterashetalkstoZeketotrytomakearrangements

foranappointment.Zekelooksboredashell,anditpissesmeoffeverytimehecheckshisphonewhile
he'swithacustomer.Iguesshe'snodifferentthanalltheotherkidshisagewhocomeandgofromthe

store.Still,though,ifacustomercomesinheretobuysomethingfrommystore,Iseeitasmydutytogive
themthebestserviceIcan.

Whatahypocrite,Itellmyself.HereIamtalkingaboutcustomerservice,andallIcandoisfeel

mycockgrowharderasIwatchPiercebendoverthecounterinhistight-fittingsuitpants.Holyfuck,
whatIwouldgivetopullthosepantsdownandgrabahandfulofthatass.ThenIwouldpeelhischeeks
wideopen,andfillhimupwitheverythingI'vegot.Hewouldscreamsohardthatallofhisbuddies
sittinginalloftheirdumbcubicleswouldhearhimfrommilesaway.

Ishakemyhead,tryingtogetmyselftogetherhere.Mycockisstartingtoachereallybadlyoutof

nowhere,andIcan'tdealwithanachingcock.That'sexactlywhyItrysohardnottoletmythoughtsgoto
placeslikethat.Ihaveenoughachesalready;Idon'tneedoneinmycocktoo.

Zekecasuallyflipshishairaroundlikehejustrodeapipelineatthebeach.Hewaveshishandfor

metocomeoverandhelpwithPierce.Iwalkover,andZekeisholdingourschedulebook.

"Heyboss,we'rebookedsolidforatleastanotherweekandahalf.He'shopingtogetsomeone

outsooner;hesayshe'sgottogetthisjobdoneASAP."

Ifindmyselfwonderingwhatthebighurryisforthisguy.ThenIfindmyselfwonderingwhatthe

fuckI'mdoingthinkingaboutthisguy'spersonallifelikethis.

Ilookintheschedulebook,figuringtheZeke'smadeyetanotheroneofhisstonermistakes.Hell,

it'snotlikeIdon'twanttohaveabitmoregiftedstaffherebutbeggarscan'tbechoosersrightnow.Ican't
affordtopaymorethanminimumwage,soI'mkindofstucktryingtostaffmybusinesswithguysofZeke's
caliber.Ilookdownandseethathe'sright.Ilookupatthecustomer,Pierce.He'sstillsmilingfromearto
ear.Youcan'tseriouslybethishappy,Ithinktomyselfagain.Youjustcan't.

"I'msorrysir,butthesoonestIcangetanyofmyguysouttoyourplacewillbetendaysfrom

now,"Isay.

Pierce,mynewfavoritecustomer,presseslipstogetherashethinksthroughmydecisionasif

somehowhe'sgoingtoinfluencetheoutcome.Theedgesofhiseyessoftenlikebutterleftoutonthedeck
onawarmsummerday."Howaboutyou?Canyoucomeoutanddotheestimateyourself?"heasks.

Forsomestrangereason,Ifindmyselffeelingabitunsettledinmystomach.NotlikeIjustatea

poundoffrieddoughatsomelocalcarnival,butmorelikenerves.Itunemyanxietyoutandsay,"I…I
guessso,"Imumble.Whatthefuck?WhyamImumblingtothisguy?Justbecausehe'swearingasuit?
Justbecausehelookshighlyeducated?

IlookoveratZekewho'sbasicallycross-eyedatthispoint.He'sthoroughlyenjoyingthis

interaction,forwhateverreason.There'snowayhecouldknowhowsexyIthinkthiscustomeris,andyet
heseemstosensesomething.Zekehasneverseenmestumbleovermywords;noneofmyemployees
have.

IstandupstraighterandnoticethatI'magoodeightinchestallerthanthisman.He'sgottobefive

foottentops.Judgingbythesuit,andbygeneralstatistics,Iwouldbetmylifethatthisman'snotgay.

Butthatdoesn'tmeanIcan'tentertaintheideaoftossinghimaroundlikearagdollunderneaththe

sheets.

"Awesome,becauseIcan'taffordtodelaythis."
Whatever,ifhe'sinthatmuchofahurrythenIdon'tmindaccommodatinghim.AsImentioned,I

can'taffordtoloseanybusinessrightnow."JustleaveyouraddresswithZekehereandIcangetoutto
seetheprojectsometimeonTuesday,"Isay.

Pierce'seyesnarrowsubtly."Iwasthinkingmoreliketomorrowafternoon.Icanbeatmyhomeby

twoortwothirtyifthatworks."

He'sademandingfucker.That'seitherbecausehethinkshe'smoreimportantthanme,orhereally

isinamajorrushforwhateverreason.

Apartfromme,Zeke'stheonlyoneonshifttomorrowafternoon.IlookoveratZekeandsnapmy

fingerstobreakhimfromhiscellphoneinducedtrance."Youthinkyoucanholddownthestoretomorrow
foranhoursoIcanhelptakecareofthisman'sfireplace?"

Zekesmiles.Heknowshe'llprobablyfucksomethingup,andsodoI.He'sabigpaininmyass,

butIlikehavinghimaroundasmuchasIdon'twanttoadmitit.He'salazyfuck,buthedoeshavetheone
traitIadmiremorethananyothertraitintheworld...

Loyalty.
"Noprobs,Igotthis!"Zekesays.
Ishakemyheadandfeignannoyance."Sureyoudo,Zeke.Sureyoudo."
Piercelaughs,anditcauseshischestandshoulderstobuckwildly;mymanhoodtwitchesagainin

mypantsatthesightofhisrelativelysmallerbodyjerkingbackandforthlikethis.

IreachoutandshakePierce'shandonelasttime.ThenIsaytheworld'sstupidestthinganyman

haseversaidtoatotalstranger."Great,wehaveadate."

FUCK.
Whatanidiot.Ireallydidn'tmeantosaythat,butthewordsjustcameouttoofastformetostop

them.

Zekegigglesandsays,"Awkward!"
Pierce'seyesdon'tflinch.
Perfect.It'slikehedidn'tevennotice.
OrsoIhope.
"Seeyoutomorrow.Jay,right?"hesays.
Inodonce."I'llseeyoutomorrow,"Isay.
IwalkoffandletZekefinishtakingthecustomer'sdetails.Ispendthenexttwohourstaking

inventoryontheshelvesandinthebackroom.BythetimeIamdone,Ihaveallbutforgottenaboutthe
customerwhohadmyinsidestwistingandturning.It'snotunusualformetogetallworkedoutwhenIsee
amanthatIwant;Ijustcan'tcontainmysexdrive.I'mamanforfuck'ssake.Infact,I'marealman;one
withneedsandahungrycockthatthrobsandacheswheneveritsensessomethingappetizing.MaybeI'm
notasruthlessasmybrotherswhenitcomestosomethings,buttheonethingweallshareisanunyielding
libido.

IletZekegoforthenight,andIcloseuptheshopmyself.Ihaveahugemeetinginthemorning,

andIneedtogetsomerestbeforeImeetwithmynewattorney.Ineedtoputthiswholetragedybehind
me,asbestasIcan.

Notthatthisisthetypeofincidentthatamancanevertrulyforget.Butstill,Ihavetotry,ormy

lifewillpassmebylikeacloudmadeonlyofguiltandregret,onlysomeofwhichIdeservetofeelinthe
firstplace.

***

IgetupearlyandgoforafourmilerunalongtheCharlesRivertoclearmyheadandgetreadyfor

myappointmentwiththisnewattorneyafriendsetmeupwith.Icomebackfrommyrun,sweatyandhot
ashell,andtakeaquickshower.Igetdressedquickly,grabanenergybarforbreakfast,thenheadoutto
mytruckformymeeting.

Mynervesareonfire,justknowinghowimportantthismeetingisforme.AsIsaid,Ineedtoput

thisaccidentinmyrearview.Ijusthopewhoeverthisnewattorneyiswillbelieveinmeandmakethisas
quickaspossible.

It'sreallynothelpingthatmybrothersandIhaven'tseeneyetoeyeinwelloverayear.Okay,

maybeIactedlikeadicktobothofthematthetime;likeIsaid,Idon'treallyremember.ButIdo
rememberthatIwasgoingthroughamiserablebreak-up,andtheyweren'texactlythereformeeither.
MaybeIevenwenttoofarandtoldthemsomethingstupidliketheyweredeadtomeasbrothers.Butwhat
thefuck?TheyknewallalongthatBrandonwaswrongforme,andwhenhebrokeupwithme,they
basicallysaidItoldyousowithoutactuallysayingit.Iwaspissed,andImaygonetoofar.

Theproblemis,mybrothersandIhaveneverreallyhadaknackforapologizingtoeachother.

Andnow,Idon'tevenhavetheenergytobotherwiththem;I'vegotmuchbiggerfishtofry.

IfindaparkingspotinfrontofthebrownstoneofficebuildingonCommonwealthAvenue.There

arerowsandrowsofvariousbusinessesinthispartofBoston.

Ilookupandseealarge,pristineblacksignwithetchedgoldlettersthatread:TheLawOfficesof

PierceValentine,Esq.

Ifeelasharpstinginmystomach.Thatnameisextremelyfamiliar,Itellmyself.
Ireachquicklyintomywalletandpulloutthebusinesscardwiththeattorney'snameonit.Then,

justtomakesureI'mnotlosingmymindcompletely,Ichecktheslipfrommystoretoseeifthenameof
thecustomerImetyesterdayisamatch.

Crap,justmyunbelievableluck.
Thegorgeousmanwhomademydickachewithinsecondsismynewlawyer.
Well,Ihavetwochoicesrightnow.Icanturnthekeyinmytruck'signitionandpullthefuckoutof

hereandfindmyselfanewlawyer,andanewcustomer.OrIcangetoutofmytruckandhopefora
miracleofsomesort.

Theideaofstartingoverandtryingtofindacompetentattorneywhohandlesthistypeofissue

soundslikeahighlyunintelligentidea.Butthenagain,theideaofhavinganattorneywhoIalreadymade
somewhatofafoolofmyselfinfrontof,andwhoislikelygoingtobeacustomerofmine,soundsequally
horrendous.

IgripthewheelofmytruckandthinkashardasIcan.Thisisn'tthefirsttimeI'vebeenutterly

confusedinrecentmonths.

AndIhaveafeelingitwon'tbethelast.

***

Pierce

Ihadnoideahowmuchmyreceptionist'snextfewwordswereabouttochangethecourseofmy

well-orderedlife."Mr.Valentine,yournewclientishere,"shesaysthroughmyphone'sspeaker.

Iclearmythroatandgivemylapelsaquicktugtostraightenoutanypotentialwrinkles,notthatI

thinkthereareany.

AmIuptight?
Ipreferthewordorganized.
Itakemyjobandeveryclientthatcomeswalkingintomyoffice,veryseriously.Ihaveavery

strongreputationfordefendingdecentpeopleincourt,andmostofthetimeI'mabletopreventthemfrom
evenhavingtogothroughthecourtprocesstobeginwith.Ihaveagreatrelationshipwithallthejudgesin
thiscounty.I'mnotsayingthattheydomefavorsthatareillegalinnature;it'sjustarealitythatithelpsto
haveastrongrelationshipwiththelocaljudges.

Okay,soI'vebeenparticularlybusylatelytryingtogetreadytomove.I'msellingmycondo,

hopefullyfortwicetheinitialpurchasepriceifallgoeswell.Myhecticschedulehasbeentryingtoderail
mefrommytypicallaser-likefocus.

Idon'tgetdistractedeasily.
Famouslastwords…
BecauseIalmostshitabrickthesecondmynewclientcomesstrollingintomyoffice.
It'shim.It'stheownerofthebuildingsupplystoreinSomerville.Hecapturedmyentireattention

forallthetimethatIwasinhisstore.Whenheaskedifwehadadate,ItriedtoactasthoughIdidn'teven
noticewheninrealityIcouldfeelmyballstingle,andmynipplesstiffen.

Judgingbythelookonhisface,healreadyputtwoandtwotogetherhimselfandrealizedthatI'm

oneofhiscustomers.He'ssportinganexpressionthatspellsconfidence,strength,andnobullshit.Ilike
thatinaman.Ijustcan'taffordtolikethatinamanwhowassupposedtobemyclientandmycontractor.

Noproblem,Itellmyself.Shakeitoffanddowhatyoudobest.
WhatdoIdobest?
Thelaw.Ilovethelaw,andI'mprettysureIwasborntoworkinthisfield.Bynow,Icandomy

jobinmysleep,evenwiththemostseverecases.Thisman'scase,tobehonest,isabitonthemore
complicatedside.IhadtoreadthroughhisfilewhenIwasdecidingwhetherornotIevenwantto
considerhiscaseinthefirstplace.WhenIsawthatitwassocomplicatedandthatemotionalliveswere
atstakeforthefamiliesinvolved,thechallengeonlyexcitedmemore.

Thebottomline?Ican'tgetdistractedbythisman'sphysicalappearance.He'sbig,burly,andhasa

setofarmsthatarecapableofpickingmeupandliftingmeupoverhishead.Nothingturnsmeonmore
thanamanwhocanfoldhiswholebodyaroundmine.

"Thisissomecoincidence,"Isay.Igetupfrommychairtoshakehandswithmypotentialnew

client.He'swearingapairofworn-outjeans,tan,stainedworkbootsthatlookliketheyhaveseentheir
fairshareofhardlabor,andathin,tightwhiteT-shirtthatcanbarelycontainthelayersofmusclethatlie
beneathit.

Heshakesmyhandback;hisgripisfirmandsteady,likehishandismadeofthick,heavysteel.

"Somecoincidenceindeed,"hesaysback.

Weexchangealongerthannormalsilentstareateachother.Hiseyesarewidewithdarkblue

circleslayeredwithtracesofangstandinsightallwrappedintoone.Somethingaboutthismantellsme
he'sinhislineofworktokeepthingssimple.

Thiscasethathe'sinvolvedinisanythingbutsimple,soIcanonlyimaginetheamountofstress

it'scausedhim.Honestly,Ihaveaverykeenknackfordeterminingaperson'sinnocenceorguiltwithin
thefirstfewmomentsofmeetinghimorher.AndIcanalreadytell,justbylookingintohiseyes,thatthis
manisinnocent.WhatIcan'ttelliswhetherornotI'llbeabletoprovethatveryeasily.

"Please,haveaseat."
JayStarrsitsdowninoneofmychairsdesignatedsolelyformyclients.Neverhastherebeena

clientinmyofficewhohasfilledupthischairasmuchasthisman.Icanfeelmyeyeswantingtolook
betweenhislegs;I'monlyhuman,andIcanonlyimaginethatthismanhasahugepieceunderneaththose
jeansofhis.JustbecauseIhappentobeatriallawyerwithanoutstandingreputation,itdoesn'tmeanI
don'thaveuncontrollablefeelingsinmybody.Ultimately,theonlythingthatmattersisthatIcanstayin
controlofmychoicesandmyactions.

Jaylooksaroundmyoffice."Howlonghaveyoubeeninthisoffice?"heasks.
Iwelcomethesmalltalk.ItremindsmethatI'mheretowork,notgawkatthisman'sperfectand

tantalizingbuild.

"ThisismyfifthyearsinceIopenedmypractice."Ilookaroundmyofficeandoutthroughmy

windowforabriefmoment.ThenIlookbackatmyclient."IlikeknowingthatI'mrightintheheartofthe
city."

Hesmilesandshakeshishead.
"What'ssofunny?"Iask.
Hesmirksandsays,"Nothing.Iguessyoujustremindedmeofmybrother."
ItiltmyheadslightlyandsquintmyeyesasIwaitforfurtherexplanation.
"Mybrother,he…helovesthiscitymorethananyoneIknow."Myclient'seyesshowtracesof

prideandregretallatonce.

"Idon'tblamehim.Yourbrother-whatdoeshedoforwork?"Isay.
Jayraisesbothofhisbrows."He'stheMayorofBoston."
Usually,Idon'tgivetwoshitsaboutwho'swhointhisstate,butthisisanotherstory."You're

relatedtoColbyStarr?"Iask.

Henodshisheadslowlyupanddown,andIcantellthathehasalreadyhadenoughofdiscussing

hisbrotherhereinmyoffice.Iwonderifhegotmynamethroughhisbrotheroracontactofhisbrother.

Thenithitsme…IrememberbitsandpiecesofthenewsthatlinkedMayorStarrtothehorrible

hitandrunthathappenednearlyahalfyearago.IalsorememberatthetimethatIthoughtthemediawas
fullofshittryingtolinkthataccidenttothemayorhimself.Ihadnorealopinionsoftheaccusationsmade
againstthismaninmyofficerightnowatthetimeitallcameout.

"Right,well…whydon'tyoutellmewhyyou'reheretoday,"Isay.
Jayfoldshisbulgingbicepsinfrontofhischest.HischestrisesandfallswitheachbreathandI

swearonmymother'sgravethismancouldbeattheshitoutofanyGreekgod."Thingsdidn'tworkout
withmylastattorney.Hewasgoingthroughpersonalproblemsofhisownandkepttellingmeaboutthem
everytimeIwouldcallhimforaconsult.Needlesstosay,Ihavealotontheline,andIcouldn'tdealwith
anattorneywhowasevenslightlydistractedgiventhatI'mbeingaccusedofassistingamurderer."

Itakeadeepbreathandscratchthebackofmyneck."Ihearyou.IcanonlysaythatifIdodecide

totakeyouonasmyclient,andifyoudecidetotakemeonasyourlawyer,Iwillnotletanydistractions
getinthewayofmyabilitytogetyoutheoutcomeyoudeserve."

Hiseyessoftenedslightly,andheslouchesbackinhischair.Icantellthatmywordsarehavinga

soothingeffectonhim.I'mnottryingtosellhimanythingrightnow;Idon'thavetodothat.

Ever.
"Whatdoyouthinkaboutmycase?"heasks,takingmebysurprise.
"Honestly?"Iask.

Hesitsupstraighterandleansforward."Isthereanyotherkindofanswer?"
"No."
"Thenplease,Iwanttoknowyourthoughtsatfirstglance,"hesays.
Ilookdownbrieflyathisfile,thenpointmygazedirectlyathim.Hisgazeisstrongandintense,

withtracesofvulnerabilitylockedwithinit.Thisisnotamanusedtobeingatthereceivingendofdefeat.

"Ithinkyourcaseisbullshit,"Isay.
Henarrowshiseyesandleansincloser."Ibegyourpardon?"
"It'sbullshit,ifyou'reaskingformyopinion.Theaccusationsareunrealistic,tosaytheleast.Yes,

yourcarwasinvolvedinthehitandrun.Butyoudidn'tauthorizetheuseofyourvehicletothealleged
perpetrator.Andevenifyouhad,youarenotresponsibleforthefactthathewasoverthelegalblood
alcohollimit,andforthefactthathewasspeedingsofastthatitcausedhimtolosecontrolandtakethe
livesofthosepoorinnocentpeople.Honestly,thisworldcangetprettycrazy.Andwhenpeoplegetupset
ortheyloselovedones,theyloseallsenseofreasonandpointtheblameatanyoneandanythingintheir
desperateattempttofillthevoidsintheirhearts."

JayStarrsniffsonceortwicebeforesittingbackinhischairagain.IfIdidn'tknowanybetter,and

Iwouldsaythathealmostevenshedatear.Notthatamanlikehimisthetypetocryatthedropofahat.

"Well,Ilikeyourresponse,"hesays.
"DoesthatmeanthatI'mhired?"Iask.
Henodsinagreement."You'rehired."
"Okay,butIneedtoaskyouafewquestionsfirstbeforeIdecidewhetherornotIwanttobe

officiallyhiredbyyou.Withallduerespect,it'scrucialthatweseeeyetoeyeifI'mgoingtorepresent
yougoingforward."

Hesmirksandraisesandeyebrowatme."Okay,that'sfair.AlthoughIthoughtthepersonwhois

payingoutthemoneywastheonlypersonwhogottoaskthequestions."

"Areyoutellingmethat,asasmallbusinessownerandcontractor,youjusttakeanyjobforany

customerwhowalksthroughyourdoors?"Iask.

Hislipspartslightly.Cometothinkofit,thisisthefirsttimehe'slookedhappysincehewalked

throughmydoor.

Igoonfurther,"Don'ttellmeyoudon'thavetheworld'smostdemandingassholesseekingyouout

forservicesandthatsometimesyouwouldn'tratherbehomelessthandealwiththoseassholes."

Jayrocksbackandforthwithlaughter.Hislaughisdeepandgruff,andIreallyhatetoadmitthatit

sendsachillupmyspineandintothebackofmyneck.Whatisitaboutthisman…everythinghesaysand
doesisjusttoodamnfulloftestosterone.

"Okay,fine.Askmeyourquestions.Ican'tpromisethatI'llbehonestwhenansweringallofthem,

butyou'llprobablybeabletotellwhenI'mnottellingthetruth.Youseemlikethekindofmanwhocan
spotaliarfromamileaway."

Ismilebackathim."TheonlythingIcanspotfromamileawayisamountain,"IsayasIreachfor

apairofreadingglassesandputthemon."

Jay'ssmilevanishesasheturnshisattentionbacktotherealmatterathand-hislifethat'scurrently

atstake.

"Fine,"Isay."Areyoureadyformyfirstquestion?"
"No,butgoahead."
Iadjustmyglassesuntiltheyareperpendicularwithmynose.ThenIsaydirectly,"Themanwho

wasdrivingthecaratthetimeoftheaccident…"

HeinterruptsandgivesmetheanswerI'mlookingfor."MikeWaters."
Inod."Yeah,MichaelWaters.Didyouknowhewasdrunkatthetimeyougavehimthekeysto

yourcar?"

Jayslamsbothofhisfistsintothearmsofmychair.Idoadoubletaketomakesurethewooden

armsdidn'tshatterinto100tinypieces.Miraculously,thechairisstillintact.ButJay'sfaceisnow
burningred.

"Ididn'tgivehimanykeys.Hetookthemfrommewithoutmyknowing.Thenheliedandsaidto

thedetectivesduringtheirinitialinvestigationthatIwillinglygavehimmyowncarkeys."

Jay'sbreathingisnowheavy,andthereisamassiveveinbulgingfromhisneck.
ItakeadeepbreathofairmyselfbeforeIsayanythingelse.Istudyhiseyescarefullyasit

formulatemyownopinionofthisman.Truthbetold,Ibelievehimcompletely.

"Ibelieveyou,"Isay.
Hisintensegazescoursmyfaceasthoughhe'sscanningmeforanysignsofbullshit."Youwhat?"

heasks.

"Ibelieveyou.AndIthinkIcanhelpyou,"Iadd.
Starr'seyesmeltcompletelyintheirsockets.Suspicionisquicklyreplacedwithhopeashe

springsfromhischairandwalksovertomydesk."Youhavenoideahowhappythismakesme,"hesays,
reachingouttoshakemyhand.

Iplacemyhandinhis,thenIplacemyotherfreehandontopofhishandfordoublereinforcement.

Jaylooksdownatmyhandbriefly,andbackupatmewithabroadsmile."Thankyou,"hesayssoftly.

"Don'tthankmeyet.ThankmewhenIgetyououtofthismess."
Hechuckleslightly."Notabaddeal.Youclearmeofthesehorriblecriminalcharges,andIhelp

yourefaceyourfireplace."

"Idon'tknow;youhaven'tgivenmeanestimateyet."
Hesmilesandlooksdownatmyhandthat'sstillplaceddirectlyontopofhis.Thetwoofus

realizehowawkwarditisthatwe'restillholdingourembraceforaridiculouslylongtime.Weboth
immediatelydisconnectourhands,butIcan'tsayIwasreadytoletgoeventhoughIknowit'sforthebest.

Gettingathrilloutofshakingmyclient'shand,aclientwhomightevenbestraightforallIknow,

isnotgoingtogeteitheroneofusveryfar.Ihaveajobyoudo,andhe'scountingonmetodoitwell.

"Youstillcomingbyaroundtwotogetmethatestimate?"Iask.
"Howdoes2:15sound?"hesays.
Ican'thideasmallsmile."Veryprecise.Ilikeyourstyle,"Isay.
ItfeelsasthoughI'mflirtingwithhim,eventhoughI'mnot.HehasnoideathatI'mgay,andIhave

nointentionofevertellinghim.Butthere'snoharminmefantasizingabouthimeverynowandthen.

Oristhere?
WeshakehandsonelasttimeandIwatchhimashewalksoutofmyoffice.Hisassfillsoutthose

jeansofhissowellitshouldbeacrime,nopunintended.Butseriously,Icanbarelystomachthethought
ofhowgooditwouldfeeltohavehistightbuttmusclesstranglemythrobbingcock.

HeleavesmyofficeandIfindmyselftryingtosneakapeekthroughthesideofmywindowasI

watchhimfoldhismassivebodyintohisblackpickuptruck.Thisguyoozespuremanhood,fromhis
massiveworkboots,totheoversizedtiresonhispickuptruck.I'veneverbeenwithamansorugged,
mainlybecausenonehaveeverbeenseriouslyinterestedinme.

OnethingIknowisthatIneedtostopfantasizingaboutmenwhoaren'tevenplayingonthesame

teamasme.Iwatchashistruckdrivesaway,andthat'swhenIhavetheworstthoughtimaginable.

Ican'tfuckingwaittoseehiminjustafewhourswhenhecomestomycondotolookatmy

fireplace.

GrowupPeterPan,Itellmyself.
Iletoutadeepsighandreturntomyworkathand.IpresstheintercombuttononmyphoneasI

immediatelytrytodivertmyattentionfromthemajordistractionknownasJayStarr."Alecia,canyou
bringmeanyrecentfaxesfromthismorning?"

"Ofcourse,Mr.Valentine.I'llberightthere."
"Thankyou."
There,everything'sbacktonormal.
AtleastthatwhatIwanttobelieve.
BecauseinjustafewshorthoursI'mgoingtohavethatmaninmyownhouse.Ineedtoprepare

myselfsothatIcanstayreasonableinhispresence.Ididn'tworkthishardbuildingupthereputationthatI
haveonlytowatchitallgodownthedrainbyactinglikeabuffoonjustbecauseI'malittleexcitedby
somehotstud.

Forthenextfewhours,IdecidetodotheonlythingIknowhowtodowhenIgetdistractedin

life…

Idrownmyselfinmywork.

***

Jay

Ihavethatgut-wrenchingfeelingthatsomehow,mywholelifeisabouttobeturnedupsidedown.

MymeetingwithPierceValentinewentbetterthanIhadhoped;let'sjustsayIhadafewrun-inswiththe
lawwhenIwasakidthatdidn'tturnoutsowell.IwasawildanimalbythetimeIhittheendofhigh
school;Ididn'tdosowellwhenitcametoauthorityfiguresofanykind,andthatincludedthepolice,
Schoolprincipals,judges,younameit…ButmyexperiencewithPiercewascompletelydifferent-he's
calm,cool,wickedsmart,andextremelyconfidentwhenitcomestohiswork.

Oh,anddidImentionthatIwanttofuckhisbrainsout?HolysweetJesus,mydickwasinstantly

hardjustfromthesecondIfelthishandagainstmine.TheskinonhischeekslookedsosoftIsurprised
evenmyselfthatIwasabletocontainmyselffromreachingoutandstealingjustaquicktouch.He'spretty
thickforamanofhisheight,butstill,Imusthaveagoodfortypoundsoverhim.WhatIwoulddotosee
thelookinhiseyesifhesomehowfoundhimselfpleasuringhimselfwithmyfull-blownerectioninhis
mouth;Iwouldrunmythumbsdownhischeeks,thenslidemyhandsaroundhisneckandpullmydickas
farintothebackofhismouthashecouldtakeme.Shit,mydickisgettinghardjustthinkingaboutthiskind
ofstuffwithamanlikePierce.Ireachdownandtrytotamemyhard-on,butit'snouse.OnceIgetthis
hard,there'sjustnoturningback.LuckilyI'mhomerightnowonalunchbreak;Iliveonlyfiveminutes
fromthestoresoit'sveryconvenienttobeabletocomehomenowandthenifIneedabreak.

It'salsoveryconvenientinatimelikethis,whenIhavearagingerectionfromthinkingabout

Pierceandthewayhelooked,smell,andfeltinhisofficethismorning.Islidemyjeansdowntomy
anklesandpulldownmyunderwear.ThenIsitbackonthecouch,spreadmylegswidesothatmyballs
hangdownonthecushion,andstrokemyselffastandhard.Iimaginemyfingersrunningthroughtheback
ofhisheadwhilehesucksmeoff,anditonlytakesmesecondstocome.Fuck,Ishiveratthethoughtof
whatthatshitwouldfeellikein3-D,withtherealPierceValentineblowingme.

Iwipemyselfoff,freshenupinthebathroom,andheadbacktothestoreforacoupleofhours

beforemyappointmentwithPierce.WhenIgettothestore,Iwalkinthroughthebackdoorandalmost
triponZeek'sskateboard.Fuckingkidsthesedays,Isaytomyself.

IwalkouttothefrontofthestoreandseeZekebangingonthecounterwithtwocarpenterrulers

likehe'sthedrummeroftheworld'sbiggestrockbandontheplanet.

"Dude,doIpayyoutoplayairdrumsordoIpayyoutokeepmystorerunning?"Iaskhim.
Zekesmilesandhurlsoneoftherulerstowardsme.Icatchtherulerwithmylefthandandbreakit

inhalfovermyknee.IwinkatZekeandsay,"Don'tfuckwithmeZekeorthenextthingthatbreaksaround
herewillbeyou."

Zekesmiles,revealingthekindoflightnessthatonlysomeonewhois20yearsoldcanreveal.

"Comeonboss;youwouldneverlayafingeronme.IfyoubrokemeinhalfIwouldn'tbeabletoteach
youhowtodoa720onaskateboardanymore,"heteases.

IpretendtobeannoyedasIshakemyheadandthrowtherulerscrapsinawastebasket."Dude,I

don'tneedskateboardinglessons.Ijustneedyoutogetyourassingeararoundhere."

Heraisesbothofhiseyebrowsinaplayfulmannerasthoughhedoesn'tgiveafuckwhatIjust

said.Andheprobablydoesn't."Whateverboss,butIthinkyou'resellingyourselfshort.Youwouldmake
agreatskaterat.ButIgetit;you'renervous,"hesays.

Iletoutabigsighandpressmylipstogetherinahard,straightline."WhatamInervousabout

now,Zeke?"

Heflipshislong,shaggybangshairawayfromhiseyes."Dude,yougotthatappointmenttoday

withthatprofessorlookingguywiththefireplaceissues."

Inarrowmyeyesslightly.ZekeknowsI'mgay,becauseIdon'texactlygooutofmywaytohideit

fromtheworldiftheopportunityarises.WhyshouldI?Butstill,Ididn'tknowitwasthatobviousthatI
wasattractedtoPiercefromthemomenthewalkedintomystore.IfonlyZekeknewthatPiercewasalso
mynewattorney;nowthatwouldbehilarious.AndIamnotabouttotellhim.

"Whatareyoutalkingabout?Who?"IlieasthoughIhavenocluewhohe'sreferringto.
"Givemeabreakbro;youwerefuckingjonesingforthatguytheminuteyousawhissilkytie."
Ipauseforasecondandaccidentallyletasmilecreepoutofmymouth.HeknowsthatIknowthat

he'sright,butI'mnotgoingtoadmitthattoatwenty-year-oldkidrightnow."Whateverkid,justgetback
toworkandvisualizeyournextpaycheck,"Isay.

ZekegivesmeasuspiciousnodthattellsmehethinksI'mfullofshit.Heshrugshisshouldersand

re-focushishimselfashestartstostraightenthegiftcarddisplaythatsetofftothesideoftheregister.

TimefliesfasterthanIthought,andbeforeIknowitIamonmywaytoPierceValentine'scondo.I

pullmytruckdownMarlboroughStreet,oneofthetrendierplacestoliveinthedowntownBostonarea.
Youdon'thavetobeamillionairetolivehere,butyouhavetobedoingprettywell.It'snotthatIdon't
haveanymoneysavedupmyself,becauseI'vebeenabletomakeenoughovertheyearstosaveupa
decent-sizednestegg.Yes,thebusinessisatriskrightnow,butIbelieveifIcangetfocusedandputthis
legalshitbehindme,Icanpullitbacktogetherandcrushitsomeday.Ijustdon'tfitintoinaneighborhood
likethis;thisisaneighborhoodwherepeoplegraduatedfromreallygoodcolleges,weardrycleaned
clothes,andlearnedhowtoplayBeethovenatfouryearsold.That'sjustnotme;Iusemyhands,work
hard,andgetshitdone.I'mprobablynevergoingtowinanyawards,butyoucanbedamnsurethatIwill
protectmyselfandanyoneelseIcareaboutfortherestofmylife.

IlookdownattheaddressZekescribbledonapieceofpaperforme.Thisisit-94Marlborough

Street,Suite121.IpressthebuzzerforPierce'sunit,andheletsmein.Iwalkdownthehalltowardshis
unit.Iwalkpastsomehipsterlookingguywithdarkframedglasseswholooksatmelikehe'sabouttofile
arequestwiththebuildingmanagementcompanyhere.Yes,Idefinitelydonotbelonginabuildinglike
this.Andyetforsomereason,Idon'tfeelawkwardaroundsomeonelikePierce.Infact,Ifeelquitethe
oppositeofawkward.

IknockonhisdoorandIsweartofuckingGodIliterallyalmostgasp.He'snolongerwearinga

suit;he'swearingatightblackworkoutshirt,withNikeshorts,andapairofsandals.

"Isthisabadtime?"Iask.
Whatanidiot,Ithinktomyself,aboutmyself.Whywouldthisnotbeanokaytimeallofasudden?
Calmdown,Jay.
HesquintshiseyesasthoughhehasnoideawhatI'mtalkingabout.
"I'mjustsaying,lookslikeyou'reheadingtothebeach.Pleasedon'tletmestopyou,"Itease.
Piercesmirksandletsoutadelicatesmile.Thethoughtofmetracinghislipswithmyfinger

flashesacrossmymind.Luckily,itwasjustathought."It'salittlecoldforthebeach,"hesays."ButIlike
whereyourheadisat."HewavesmeinsidehiscondoandIfollowbehindhim.Hislegsaretonedand
meaty,andhisworkoutshortsaretightaroundhisbutt.Heturnsaroundquicklytoaskmeaquestion,and
I'mprettysurehemighthavecaughtmelookingdownathisass.

It'sforthebetterbecauseIneedtostoplookingathimlikehe'sapieceofmeatthatI'maboutto

eatfordinner.Hewalksmedownthelonghallwayandintotheopenkitchen.Piercegesturestowardsan
oldbrickfireplacethat'ssetoffinthefamilyroomsectionofthecondo."YouseewhatImean?"hesays.

"Actually,Ido,"Isay.Thebrickisoutdatedashellandit'scoveredinblacksoot.Iwalkoverto

studythebrickmoreclosely.“Yep,shecoulddefinitelyusealittlesprucingup.Anyofthosestonesthat
wehadondisplaybackinthestorewouldmakethispop.Letmejusttakeafewquickmeasurements,and
I'llbeonmyway,"Isay.ReliefsetsinknowingthatIamactuallyrefocusedagainonmywork.

Ijotdownafewquickmeasurements,thenmyeyecatchesaphotoonthemantleabovethe

fireplace."Doyouhavekids?"Ifindmyselfsaying.Okay,somyquestionisalittlepersonalconsidering
I'mheretomeasureafireplace,butnothingtoooutoftheordinarygiventhesituation.Andbesides,Pierce
isstandinginthemiddleofapictureandhe'sholdingafishingpoleinonehand,andhisarmiswrapped
aroundwhatlookslikeateenagegirlwithhisotherhand.

Helaughsandstraightensthephotoonthemantle."No,notevenclose.Foronething,I'mwaytoo

busywithmycareertohaveanychildren.Andforanotherthing,Ijustcameoutofanatrociousbreakup
withanotherman,andhehadnointerestinhavingkidseitherevenifwedidn'tbreakup."

Itrytoseemcompletelydisinterested,butthetruthismyheartjustskippedseveralbeats.Didhe

saywhatIthinkhejustsaid?Isthismanreallygay?Itrytostaycalmandindifferent.Iforcemyselfto
lookdownatmynotesandpretendingtostartdoingsomesimplemathinordertogethimanestimate.

"Ihearyou,"IsayasIlookdownatmynotes.
"Youhearmewhat?"Piercesays.
IstopwhatI'mdoingandlookupathim.He'sgothisarmsfoldedinfrontofhischest,asthoughI

mighthavejustoffendedhim."Ihearyouwiththetoobusytohavekidsthing,"Isay,hopingitwilldothe
trick.Idon'twantthisconversationtogoanyfurtherthanithasto.LikeIsaid,Iamnotintheclosetor
anything,butI'malsonotopenlyoutoftheclosetwhenIamaroundamanthatIfindextremelyattractive
whocrossesmypathinanyprofessionalcontext.

Piercelaughsagain,onlythistimehe'spuckeringhislipsandshakinghisheadtoo.
"What?"Isay.
"Comeon,man.It'sprettyobviousthatyouandIbothplayedforthesameteam,"hesays.
ThisisdefinitelynottheplaceIwantedourconversationtogo.Icameheretodoajob,andthat

wasit.Iwasn'tlookingforanythingcomplicated.MaybeIshouldn'thaveglanceddownathisbodylike
hewastonight'ssupper;maybeit'sjustkarmacatchingupwithmealready.Youreapwhatyousowinthis
world.

"I'mnotsureIcopyyou,"Ilie.
Pierceraisesaneyebrow."Icallbullshit,"hesays."Butwhatever,I'llletyouwiggleoutofthis

one."

SoobviouslyheknowsI'mgay,butI'mgratefulforthefactthathe'swillingtomoveon.The

quickerwemoveon,thequickerwegetdowntotheheartofthematter."Thanks,Iappreciatethat,"Isay.
Itearoffthepinkportionofmypaperworkandhandittohim."Thejob'sprettystraightforward.It'snot
morethanadaysworthofwork,plusmaterials."

Helooksdownatmyestimate.Pierceraiseshishandtogivemeahigh-five,andIoblige."Looks

likewe'reinbusiness!"hesays.

Iflashasmallsmilehisway."Great.Justcomebythestoreandpickoutwhatyouwantforstone.

I'lltakecareoftherestofthematerialslikethemortarandgrout.Whenwouldyouliketohavethisdone
by?"

Pierceclickshisteethtogetherseveraltimesasheformulatesananswer."Anychanceyoucould

haveitdoneinthenextfewdays?"

Notreally,Ithinktomyself.ButIdon'twanttolethimdownrightnow.It'snotforanyreason

otherthanthefactthatIwanthimtobehappygiventhatheismylawyer.Ithasnothingtodowiththefact
thatIwanttopleasehiminotherwaystoo."I'lltrymybest,butI'malittlebitshortstaffedatthestore
rightnow."Thatpartisnotalie;eversinceI'vehadtodealwiththeaccident,thebusinesshastakena
realhit,andIhaven'tbeenabletohireasmanyguysasI'dliketo.Fornow,justjugglingtheemotional
tollthatthisaccidenthastakenonmealongwiththeday-to-dayoperationsofthebusinessisallthatIcan
handle.Itdoesn'thelpeitherthatmybrothersarenotspeakingtomerightnow.

"Great,sowehaveourselvesadeal.That'stheseconddealwestruckintwodays,"hesays.

"Didwestrikeadealearlier?YounevertoldmehowmuchIwasgoingtohavetopayyouyet."
"That'sbecauseyouneverasked.And,Iknowwhatyou'vebeenthroughhellandbackwiththese

accusations.I'mnotreallyinthiscaseforthemoney."

Istudyeveryinchofhisface,andIcan'tfindalickofanythinginsincereonit.Hiswordsmeana

lottomerightnow,eventhoughIdon'tknowhimfromAdam.

"Unlessyoufuckupmyfireplace,"headdssarcastically.
Ishakemyheadandsmile."Itdoesn'tlooklikeitcangetanyworse,"IsayasIgesturetowards

thecharredbrickthatlookslikeit'sbeenthroughthreeorfourworldwarsbynow.

"Tellmeaboutit.I'mnevergoingtosellthisplacewiththatasoneofmymaincenterpieces.I

can'twaitforyoutoworkyourmagic.I'veheardgreatthingsabouttheworkyoudo."

"Aremymasonryskillslaidoutinmyfileaswell?"Isay.
Hesmirks."Actually,Ididalittlediggingonyoubeyondjustthefile.Itturnsoutthatyouandyour

familycameupdozensoftimesinabasicsearch.Andthatisn'tcountinganythingfromwhenyourbrother
becamethemayor."

"WhatcanIsay?Wehavebeenabusyfamily!"Isay.
Hestaresatmeforalongmoment.Ican'tsaythatthisisn'tthemostenjoyableconversationI've

hadinalongtime.It'srefreshingtobeabletotalksoeasilywithanothermanwhoseemstoberelatively
chill."CanIaskyousomethingpersonal?"hesays.

Itakeastepbackunknowingly.Personal?Isn'titalittletoosoonforpersonal?Iswallowheavily

andnodinagreement."Icantellyou'rechompingatthebit,sogoahead."

Hescratcheshisheadandlooksdownforamoment.Myeyesaccidentallycrossoverthelengthof

hisbody.Helooksstrongbutnottoostrong;justthetypethatgetsmycockpumpingwithblood.Ilikemy
mentobefit,butnotnearlyasstrongasIam.Iliketobeinchargeinbed,noquestionsasked.

"Areyouonspeakingtermswithyourfamily?"hesays,practicallystealingmybreathawayfrom

thestunofhisquestion.Whyisheaskingthisrightnow?Moreimportantly,shouldIanswerhim
truthfully?

"Doesthatquestionrelatetomycaseinsomeway?"Iask.
Pierce'seyestightenaroundtheiredges."Everythingrelatestoyourcase,Jay,"hesayswithouta

hintofhesitationinhisvoice.

"Thenmyshortanswerisno…MybrothersandIarenotonspeakingterms."Piercesoaksinmy

answerandsayssimply,"I'msorrytohearthat,becausebrothersareoneofthebestsourcesofsupporta
mancaneverhaveinthisfragileworld."

Icrossmyarmsinfrontofmychestandwrapmyhandsaroundmybiceps."DoIlookfragileto

you?"Isay.

Piercesnickers."Youdon'thavetosaythatsortofthingtome,Jay.Behindeveryman,there'sa

fragility;everyman,justlikewomen,justwantstobelovedandappreciated.Iknow…Soundsreally
fuckingcheesy,butit'stotally
true."

"Well,IguessthenthatIamtheexceptiontothatrule.Imaybealotofthings,butIamnot

fragile."

Piercestudiesmyeyescarefullylikehedoesn'tbelieveme.Whatthefuck?Whodoeshethinkhe

is,fuckingOprahorsomething?

"Haveityourwaythen,Jay.Iguesswe'lljustagreetodisagree."
OK,sonowI'mannoyed.Idon'twanttolosemytemperhereforobviousreasons,buthe's

suddenlystartingtogetundermyskin.Idon'tknowwhyhe'spushingmelikethis,consideringhedoesn't
evenknowme.Idomybesttochangethesubject,"Sodowehaveadealforthefireplaceornot?"Ifeel
theneedtodouble-checkthathestillwantsmetoperformtheservicehereinhiscondo.

"Wehaveadeal,Jay.Justmakesureyoucontinuetobehonestwithme.Ican'tworkwithclients

whoaren't,"hesays.

WTF?
"I'msorry,Idon'tmeantoberude,butwhydoesitfeellikeyou'reinterrogatingmemoreoften

thannot?"Iask.

Piercethrowsuphishandsandgivesmetheuniversalsymbolofsurrender."Mybad.IguessI'm

justalwaysinthehabitoftestingmyclientsbeforeImovefullyforwardwiththem.That'showIgetshit
donewellinmylineofwork.IneedtohaveareallygoodreadonmyclientsbeforeIcandefendthemat
thehighestlevel."

Westareblanklyintoeachother'seyesforalonghardmoment.Thismandoesnotfuckaround.

ForsomeonewhoIcouldbasicallysquashwithmyfist,Ihavecertainlymetmymatch.Whathelacksin
sizecomparedtome,hemakesupforinconfidence,intelligence,andsheerwill."Igetthat,"Isay.

"Areyousure?"heasks.
"Forreal,Igetit.You'rejustdoingyourjob.Iknowyouhaveanexcellentreputation,andI'm

beginningtoseewhy."

"Maybeweneedafreshstartinthisrelationship.Doyouwantabeer?Lighteningthingsupmight

bethebestangle;IknowIcanbeabitpushy,butstill,sometimesIneedtoknowwhentobackoff."

Jesus,Ican'tfollowthisman.Nowallofasuddenhe'sapologizing?
"I'mallsetwiththebeeroffer,"Isay.Ipauseforamomentandthensay,"Doyouthinkit'sabad

signthatthingsarealreadyalittletensebetweenus?"I'mnotsureIshould'vesaidthat,butIfeltlikethe
truthneededtobetoldinthatmoment.Attorneyscanbemajorheadcasestoo,soit'sbettertoknownow
andcutmylossesifneedbe,

Atleast,Ithinkitis.
"Icangetalittlepushysometimes,Jay.That'showIoperate,personallyandprofessionally.But

look,it'snottoolateifyouwanttofindanotherattorney."Helooksathisfireplaceandchuckles."Orif
youwanttofindanotherfireplacetore-face."

Shit,Ididn'tmeanforthistohappen.Idon'twanttolosehimasanattorney,andIneedthe

businessformystore.IfI'mbeinghonestwithmyself,PiercehasawayofconfusingmethatI'mjustnot
usedto.Granted,I'vebeenabitdiscombobulatedeversincetheaccident.Butstill,Idon'tusuallyget
rattledbyothermen.Maybeit'sbecausehe'ssogoddamnsmart.

Ormaybeit'sbecauseIwanttofuckhimrighthere,againsthismantle.
There,Isaidit.MydickhasbeenscreamingsincethemomentIwalkedinhereandsawhimin

thoselittleshortsandthattightathleticshirt.

Calmthefuckdown,Jay,Itellmyself.Ihaveahabitofmakingfantasiesoutofsomethingwhere

theydon'tbelong.AndfantasizingaboutfuckingthismanisthemostridiculousstoryI'veevertoldmyself.

RegardlessofthefactthatI'mactinglikeachildinside,Ineedtopatchthingsup."Sure,I'lltakea

beer,"Isay.Onesimplebeer.There'snothingwrongwiththat,right?

Wrong.

***

Onebeerturnedintosixorsevenbeersinamatterofnotime.Ihadeveryintentionintheworldof

goingbacktothestore,butbeforeIknewitIwascompletelysuckedupintoourconversation.Things
wentfromweird,intenseandserious,tohopefultojustdownrightenjoyable.Infact,thisisthefirsttimeI
canrememberinalongtimesinceI'vejusthadfunwithanotherguy.

Pierceleadsmeoutontohisbalconythatoverseesthehustleandbustleofthecity."Whyareyou

insuchahurrytogetthisfireplacedone,anyways?"IaskasIleanbackinoneofhiswoodenAdirondack
chairs.

Helooksoutattheeveningskyandsmiles.Hiseyeslookthoughtful,serene,andsomewhatintense

allatthesametime."WhenIwasakid,Ispentmydayshuntingsquirrelsandchipmunks,buildingforts,
andplayingmanhuntuntilthesunwentdown.Ididn'tgiveashitifIhadpoisonivy,encephalitis,you
nameit.Ilovedbeingoutdoors.Soanyways,IboughtsomelandinMedfield.It'sonly20minutesSouth
ofhere,butitfeelslikeaworldaway."

Istareathimblanklyforamoment.IshereallythesamemanthatImetjustyesterday?He's

complicatedinaway,thekindofmanthatrevealsendlesslayersofpersonalitythemoreyougettoknow
him.

"Iguessit'shardformetorelate,butIknowwhatyoumeanasfarasfeelingathomegoes,"Isay.

Ilookoutattheskymyself.I'veneverreallybeenaroundthatmuchnaturehavingalwaysgrownuphere
inBoston."MybrothersandIspentourchildhoodplayingbaseballonconcreteandridingbikespast
storefronts.Theonlythingweeverhuntedwereratsinthesubwaystation,andthatwasonlyonetime
untilsomeMBTAworkerchasedusawayandtoldusifweevergothurlingrocksagainstthesubway
trackshewouldhaveusarrested."

Piercelaughsoutloudandalmostbustsagutassomeofhisbeerspillsontohischin.Ifindmyself

havingtheurgetoswipemyfingerthroughthedribbleofbeerthathasnowstartedtoheadtowardshis
neck.Piercelooksatmestrangelyashecatchesmeintheactofstaringathim.Ilookawayquickly,and
makeeveryefforttoappearnonchalant.

"DoyouwantmetocallyouanUber?"Pierceasks.Helooksdownatmynear-emptybeerbottle.

"Wecan'taffordtohaveanymoreblemishesonyourrecord,"hesayswithawink.

"Youain'tfuckingkidding,"Isay.Butthesadtruthis,Idon'twantacabrightnow.Idon'twantto

goanywhere,asmuchasIdon'tlikeadmittingthis.Howfuckingridiculous,thefactthatIwanttostay
hereandshoottheshitwithsomemanIhardlyknow,thesamemanIjusthiredtorepresentandprotectme
fromthebiggestthreatinmyentirelife."I'mabigboy,Icancallmyselfaridehome,"Isay.

Hechucklesandsays,"That'sanunderstatement."
Ilookathimwithaconfusedexpression.Hegoesonandsays,"Youbeingabigboy,Iwouldsay

that'samajorunderstatement.YoulooklikeyoucouldbeontheoffensivelineintheNFL."

Ismilecoyly."Thatwasmydreamactually,untilmykneegaveoutsenioryearofhighschool.

NextthingIknewIwastakingoverourfamilybusiness,andhereIamtoday,cuttingstoneandmaking
peoplelikeyouhaveprettierfireplaces."

"Dude,don'tsellyourselfshort.IwishIhadaskillundermybeltlikeyou.Ican'tdoanythingwith

myhands.Well,Iwon'texactlysayIcan'tdoanything,"hesayswithanotherwink.

Ifeelmyballstighteninmypants.Didhejustthrowsomesexualinnuendoshitatme?"Exactly,

everybodyhassomespecialtalentwiththeirhands,evenifit'snotsomethingthatmakesthemmoney.

What'syourspecialskill?Ibetyouplayameanguitar,"Isay.

"Nope,nothinglikethat.I'mjustgoodwithmyhandsingeneral,ifyouknowwhatImean."
Itakeinashortgaspofair.I'mgettingarousedmoreandmorebythesecond."Wellgoodforyou,

Pierce.Ihopeyourskillcomesinhandyasoftenasyouwouldlikeittoo."

Heletsoutadeepbreathandshakeshisheadasthoughhe'sjustwakingfromadream.Hegetsup

outofhischairquicklyandsays,I'mgoingtogograbanotherbeer.Doyouwantone?"

Consideringthefactthatmydickissemi-hard,andIhavealotofworktodotomorrow,Itellhim

nothankyou.Piercenodsandwalksbackintohiscondo.IturntolooksothatIcancatchaglimpseofhim
frombehind;onemoreglimpseofhiminthoseshortswon'tkillme.

Orwillit?Ifindmyselfjumpingupoutofmyseatandwalkingbackintohiscondo.Pierceis

openingupthefridgeandreachingovertograbanotherbeerforhimself.Myballsaresotightinmy
underwearasIwatchhimbendoverlikethis.

IcheckmyfrontpockettomakesureIstillhavemyphonesothatIcancallmyselfacab.Pierce

doesn'trealizeI'mrightbehindhimashespringsupfromthefridgeandbumpsrightintome,bouncing
intomelikeasackofpotatoesgettingthrownupagainstabrickwall.

Thetwoofusstartle."Ohshit,dude,areyouokay?"Iask.Piercesmiles,andinsteadofmoving

awayimmediatelylikeIwouldexpecthimto,heleaveshisbodypressedupagainstmineforwhatfeels
likeforever.Iswallowhard,andfindmyselfsuddenlyunabletomove."Areyouokay?"Iaskagain,only
thistimemyvoiceisslowandshaky.

"Iamnow,"hesays.
MyheartspeedsupinsidemychestasIbegintorealizethatheisclearlymakingapassatme.
Ohshit.
"Whydoyoulooksonervous?"heasks."DoyouthinkIdidn'trealizeyouweregay?"
Istarttoshakemyheadfromsidetoside.Helaughs,andeventhoughI'mtwicehissize,inalotof

waysweareequalmatches."I'mnotnervous,"Irespond.

"Don'tyouthinkit'simportanttoletyourselfhavealittledistractioneverynowandthen?

Especiallysinceyou'vebeenthroughsomuch,"hesays.

Iswallowheavilyagain.Ilookdownathisbody,andIrealizethatIwanttofuckhimmorebadly

thanI'veeverwantedtofuckanyoneinmylife.AndthelongerIwait,themorecoiledupIgetinside.It's
notgonnabeprettyifIcontinuetogetthisbottleduparoundhim;soonerorlater,I'mgoingtocrackwide
open.

"Ihardlyknowyou."
Hechucklesagain."Andyourpointis?"
"Thereareplentyofwaystofinddistractionsinthisworld.I'mnotsosurefindingonewithyouis

thebestidea,"Isay.

Pierceflashesaveryconfidentsmilemyway."MaybeIcanhelppersuadeyou.Becauseasyour

attorney,I'mtellingyouthatit'simportantforyoutohavealittlefun."

"Alittlefun?"Iask.
Pierceslidesoffshortsandrevealsamassivebulge.Heisdefinitelypackingdownthere."Well,

maybemorethanjustalittlefun,"hesays.Imakeanaudiblegulpingsound.

"Howaboutthis?Howaboutwedon'tdoanythingexceptholdeachother?There'snoharminthat,

right?"hesays.

Ilookathimwithbotheyebrowsraised."Youwanttoholdeachother?That'sall?"
"Yes,that'sall.Butthere'sacatch…"Itakeastepbackfromhimandwaitforhimtorevealthe

catch.Heslowlypullsoffhisshirtandrevealsachiseledupperbodythatlookshardenoughtochop
onionson."Thecatchis,wehavetoholdeachothernaked,andwecan'tdoanythingfunny."

"Funny?"

"Justcuddling,"hesays.
"Nakedcuddling.Okay,IguessI'mwillingtogivethatatry.Butwhatif…"
Piercestopsmefromopeningmymouthanymorebyputtinghisfingeronmylip.Myeyesflutterat

thefeelingofhisskinonmyface."Justcuddling,"hesayswithawhisper.

Fuckit.HowcanIresistaninvitationlikethis?Ican't,that'show."Ihadnoidea…"
"What?ThatI'mgay?OrthatIfindyouextremelyattractiveandworthyofgettingnakedwith?"
"Both."
"Iwasn'tsureaboutyoueither.Imean,IthoughtIcouldfeelyouburningholesintothebackofmy

asswithyoureyesearlier,butIwasn'tsure."

Ifoldmyarmsinfrontofmychestandpretendtoprotesthislaststatement."Iwasn'tcheckingout

yourass,"Isay.

Piercefrownsandsays,"That'syourlossthen."
Ihesitateforamomentandthensay,"Okay,yougotme.MaybeItookalookortwoatyourass.I

wascurious,isthatacrime?"

"No,don'tevenmentionthewordcrimerightnow.Infact,theonlycrimewouldbeyounot

pickingmeupandbringingmeintomybedroom.Areyoustillin?"

Inodmyheadinagreement."I'min,butIhavetobehonest;I'veneverbeennakedwithamanand

notgoneanyfurtherthenjustcuddling."

"There'safirsttimeforeverything,Jay."
Pierceproceedstoslidedownhisunderwear.IimmediatelylikewhatIsee;acockthathasplenty

oflengthandgirthtofillallofmyneeds.Granted,Iwon'tbegettingmyhandsonthatpieceofhistheway
I'dliketoaccordingtohim.

"Nowit'syourturn,"hesays.I'veneverbeenshytakingmyclothesoffinfrontofothermen,but

forsomereasonIfeelalittlemorehesitantthanusual.Okay,thatsoundsprettystupid;thereareabout
threeorfourmajorreasonswhyIwouldfeelmorehesitanttotakemyclothesoffinfrontofPierce
Valentine.Forstarters,everythingaboutthisfeelswrong.It'sprettymuchimpossibletoimagineanything
goodcomingoutofthis.Andyet,Idon'tthinkIcanstopmyselffromdoingwhateveritiswe'reaboutto
do.

Istripdowntonothinginamatterofseconds.Pierceseemstoadmirewhathesees.Thereisno

shortageofmusclesonmybody,notthatI'mbragging.It'sjustthatwhenyouworkwithheavypiecesof
stonealldaylong,andyoualreadyhaveanaturallylargeframelikeme,youstarttogetacertainlookthat
othermen,gaymen,findveryappealing

"Areyouready?"hesays.
I'mnotsurethatIam.Ifevertherewasachancetoturnthiswholethingaround,totellhimthat

thisisabadideaandthatImadeahugemistake,thetimewouldberightnow.

Unfortunately,there'sabiggerpartofmethatwon'tletmeturnback.
"I'veneverdoneanythinglikethisbefore,butforsomereasonIthinkI'mready,"Isay.

***

Pierce

JayStarrisanabsolutebeast.Thereisjustnootherwaytoputit.He'slikeahumanskyscraper

layeredinmuscle,withdark,penetratingeyesthatcomeclosertoresemblingthoseofawolfthanan
actualperson.Butthemostsurprisingpartofthismanisthathehasarealsensitiveside.Withhisstrength
andsize,he'scapableofkillingmultiplemenwithhisbarehands,andyethecanholddownareal
conversation,andIknowthatdeepdownhehasfeelingsthathewantstoexpress.

Nowjustisn'tthetime.
"Pickmeupandbringmetomybed,"Isaywitharaspytone.
Jayheartscoopsmeupinhisarmsandcradlesme.Hiscock,whichisalreadyharderthanthe

stonehecuts,pressesintomyasswhileheholdsmeinhisarms.I'mnotonetorelyonothermenfor
safetyorsecurity,butevenIcan'tdenyhowcomfortingitistobeinamanlikeJay'sarms.

Hestartstowalkwithmeinhisarmsandbeginstoheaddownthehallbecauseit'stheonly

directionhecango.Therearemultiplerooms,butonlyoneismybedroom."Whichway?"Hesays.His
voiceisgruffandlow,andIknowhe'shungryformeinwaysthatgivemehundredsofsurgesof
electricitythroughoutmybodyjustfromthinkingabout
it.

Ican'tbegintodescribethefeelingofbeinginthisman'sarms.Itremindsmeofwhatitmightbe

liketobeakingoraprince,andtohaveanentireArmyofmensurroundingmeandprotectingmefrom
theoutsideworld.

"You'regettingcloser,"Isay.
Hecontinuestowalkmedownthehall,nudgingeachdooropenwithhisfootuntilhefindsmy

bedroom."Thislooksliketheone,"herasps.Hesetsmynakedbodydownonmybed,layingmedown
gracefullyonmyback.Mycockisnowfullyerect,althoughIhavenointentionofusingitinthatway.I
don'tletmyselfgotherewithanothermanuntilIgettoknowhimuntilsoIcanbesurehe'strustworthy
enoughtoentermybody.

Justwatchinghimtowerovermelikethiswithhisnakedbodyisliterallyoneofthemost

magnificentsitesamancouldeversee."Youhaveafuckingamazingbody,"Isay.Hedoesn'tevenbatan
eye,likeheknowsit,butisinnowayabouttobragaboutit.

Heclimbsupontothebedandstraddlesmyhips.Hislongcockhangsdownandbrushesup

againstmystomachwhilehepinsmyshouldersdownwithhishands."Easyboy,nottoorough,"Isay.

Jay'seyesnarrowinonme.Thisisnotgoingtobeeasyforhim,andIthinkIlikethat.WhatcanI

say?I'monlyhuman.Turningastrappingbucklikethisonisnosmallfeat.

"Doyouthinkthisiseasy,holdingbackrightnow?"hesays.Ilookdownathiscockandseethat

it'scompletelyhard.Letmebeclear;there'snothingIwantmorethantowrapmymoutharoundhisfat
mushroomhead.Butthatwouldn'tberight.Andthatwasn'twhatIwaslookingforrightnow.

"Letmeshowyouhowthisworks,"Isay.Hereleasesmyshouldersandstepsbackfromthebed.I

getupandunfoldthecovers,andthenIslidein."Comeonin,Ipromiseyou'lllikeit.Hepausesfora
moment,thenshakeshisheadasthoughhe'sneverdoneanythingquitelikethisbeforeinhislife.

"Thisisinsane,"hesays.
"Notreally,it'sjusttwomenenjoyingeachother'scompanywithoutanyclotheson."
Thebigmansmilesandthensinkshisbodyfullyunderthecovers.Icurlmybodysothattheback

ofmyassispressedupagainsthiswarmlegs.Jaywrapshisthickmusculararmaroundmyshoulderand
pullsmeintotheheatofhisbodyevencloser.

"Nowthisisn'tsobad,isit?"Isaysoftly.Iclasphiswristtightlywithmyhandandnuzzlemy

cheekintohisforearm.Icoulddefinitelygetusedtothis,asstrangeasthatsoundsconsideringIdon't
knowthismanatall.

"No,thisisn'tsobadatall.I'veneverhadaonenightcuddlebefore."
"Cometothinkofit,Ican'tsaythatIhaveeither.Butyoujustlookedsowarmandinviting,I

couldn'tresist,"Isay.

Wespendthenext20or30minuteslyingineachother'sarms.Iamaverysensualperson,what

canIsay.WhileI'mprettysurethatJayisnotusedtolyingaroundnakedwithanotherman,Ihavetosay
thathe'sfittinginquitenicely.Ormorelike,Ifitintohimquitenicely.

"Youdorealizethatthischangeseverything,don'tyou?heasks.Iturntofacehim,andseethathe

doesn'thavealickofasmileonhisface.

"Whatareyoutryingtosay?"Iask.
Heflashesatinysmile,revealingthemostadorabledimpleonamanthiscrushinglystrongthatI

haveeverimaginedpossible."I'mtryingtosaythat…NowthatI'veseenyounaked,replacingyour
fireplacewillneverbethesame,"hejokes.

Igotoshiftmyarmanditaccidentallybrushesupagainsthiscockandballs.Ifindmyselfleaving

myhandontopofhispenis,unabletomoveitnomatterhowhardItry.

Jay'seyessuddenlyblazered."Whatthefuckdoyouthinkyou'redoing?Youareinviolationof

allmajorcuddlinglaws,"hesays.

He'sright,Iam.Mydickstartstohardenthough,makingitevenharderformetomovemyhand.

"I'msorry,isthereanywayIcangetyourforgiveness?"

Jayreachesdownandpressesmyhandintohisballsevenharder."Well,sinceyouasked,Thereis

onethingyoucando."

Ifindmyselffightingbackamoan.Hisballsaresobigandhisdickissothickinmyhand."What

wouldthatbe?"Iwhisper.

"Whydon'tyoushowmewhatyoucandowiththosehandsofyours?Youwerebraggingsomuch

aboutthemearlier.Ithinkit'stimeyouputyourmoneywhereyourmouthis."

Irunthetipofmythumbacrosstheslitofhisdick.Hispre-comemoistensmyfinger.Islidemy

wetthumbdownhislength,thenholdmyhandthere;allfiveofmyfingersarewrappedtightlyaroundhis
girth.I'mjustabouttostartstrokinghisdick,untilavoiceofreasonfinallysetsin.

"SorryJay,butIcan'tfuckingdothis.AsmuchasIwantto,itwouldfuckthingsupforbothofus."
Jaylooksatmewithashockedexpression.Igetthefeelinghe'snotusedtobeingrejectedin

anywaywhatsoever."You'reserious,aren'tyou?"

"Dead."
Jaybitesdownonhisthumbnailashestaresatmeforalong,hardmomentortwo."Noproblem,I

thinkyou'reprobablyrightanyways."

Hegetsoutofbedandstartstowalkoutofmyroom.Hedoesn'tseempissedoff.Whywouldhe

be?Ineverpromisedanythingmorethanaquickcuddle.

Iwatchhimfrombehindasheleavesmyroomcompletely.Istillcan'tbelievebeautifulhisbody

is.Thewayhisbackmusclesexpandoutliketwomassivewings,onlytotaperdownintohismidsection.
Withoutquestion,hecouldplaytheroleofasuperheroinprettymuchanyblockbusterfilm,whichbegs
thequestion…

DidIjustgiveupachancetohookupwithSuperman?
ItsureasfuckfeelslikeIdid,andI'mbeginningtowonderifImadetherightdecisionafterall.
No,Ididtherightthing,Iremindmyself.
Igetoutofthebedandstrolldownthehallnaked.Jayispullinguphiszipper.Helooksoverat

me,givesmetheelevatoreyes,andshakeshisheadandsmiles."Thanksforthecuddle,"hesays.

"Areyoumad?"
Hethrowshisshoesbackonashesays,"Notatall.Youwererighttoputastoptothis.Wehave

worktodo."

WhydoIfeelsodisappointed?Iwastheonewhosetthetoneallalong.Itwasuptomewhether

wehookedupornot,andIwastheonewhochosetoenditbeforewelostcontrol.

"I'mgladyouseethingsmyway.Ijustdidn'twantustospiraloutofcontrol,"Isay.Youhavealot

onthelinerightnow,andIdon'twanttojeopardizethatonyourbehalf.

BynowJay'ssoberenoughtodrivehimselfhome.Hepatsdownhisfrontpockettomakesurethat

hehashistruckkeys."Goodmoveonyourpart,seriously.I…"hisvoicetrailsoffashepresseshislips
togetherandcontemplateshisnextthought."LetmeknowwhenIcanhaveoneofmymenovertostart
workingonyourfireplace."

"Iwill,"Isay,disappointedandrelievedatthesametimethathewon'tbetheonetodothework

himself."WearegoingtoneedtostayinclosetouchforthenextfewdaysasIprepareyourcase.CanI
callyoutomorrowmorning?"Iask.

"Asfarasmycasegoes,youcancallmeanytimewhatsoever.Idon'tcarehowearlyorhowlate

itis."

"Spokenlikeaclientwhohasnothingtoprovebutinnocence,"Iadd.
"Exactly.Nowit'sjustamatterofmakingsuretherestoftheworldknowsthattoo.It'sbeena

longhaul,andI'mreadytoputtheseaccusationsbehindme."

"Well,I'mgladyouchosemetohelpyoudojustthat."
Jaywalksrightuptomeandputsouthishand.Helooksdownatmynakedbodyandsmiles."And

please,don'ttakeyourclothesoffagaininfrontofme.Becausethenexttime,Iwilllosecontrol."

Ishakehishandandtrynottoletmyjawhitthefloor.Jaywastesnotimeashewalkspastmeand

leavesmycondo.

Iletoutadeepbreathofair.
Hiswordsechoinmyhead…BecauseIwilllosecontrol.
Tomorrowisanewday.Ineedtofindawaytofocus,becauseJayStarristurningouttobean

undeniabledistractionthatI'mnotsuremywillisstrongenoughtocompetewith.

***

Jay

Thestoreisslowsofarthismorning.Normallythatwouldbeabadthing,butrightnowIcould

reallyusethetimetocatchuponinventoryandtomakesurethatalltheupcomingjobsarestillon
schedule.Plus,I'mtheonlyoneonstaffsinceZekecalledoutsick.

Shocker.
Isetmycoffeedownnexttoarackloadedwithmasonryblades.
Ihearfootstepsbehindme,followedbyapissedoff,familiartone."Whydidn'tyoutellmeWaters

hadsuchabadpriorhistory?"

Shit.It'sPierceValentine,andhedoesn'tsoundalltoothrilledthismorning.
Iturntofacehim,andIcanbegintoseewhyhehasthereputationforwinningcasesthathehas.

Hiseyeslookruthlessanddetermined.He'swearingaslickgraysuit,withaperfectlypressedwhite
buttondownshirt.Histopcoupleofbuttonsareloose,revealingasplatteringofhischesthair.Helooks
sexyasfuck,despitehowangryheisrightnow.

"Isn'tityourjobtodotheresearch?"Isay.
Hescoffsandtakesanothersteptowardsme.IfIdidn'tknowanybetter,I'dsweartherewassteam

comingoutofhiseyesandears."That'snotmyfuckingpoint.Youmisleadme;thatwasthesortoffact
youshouldhavetoldmerightaway."

"Youneveraskedmeanyquestionsaboutthecase.Whatthefuck?Ithoughtyouweresupposedto

beonmyside,"Isay.

"Yourside?HowcanIbeonyoursidewhenyoufailtotellmethatthefuckingmanwhoallegedly

stoleyourkeyswithoutyourpermissionhasafelonyrecordthesizeofCharlesfuckingManson?You
misleadme,Starr,andyoufuckingknowit!"

Ouch.
MybloodpressurestartstospikeasIthrowthebarcodescannerdownonaflimsyaluminum

shelf."I'msorry,lastIcheckedIdidn'tknowmyattorneywasgoingtomistrustmethismuch,"Isay.

Heletsoutacausticlaughandthenlooksdownatthefloor."Maybeyoushouldgetyourselfanew

lawyer."

Istandwordless,myheartpoundinghardinmychest.
Pierceshakeshishead."JesusChrist,Jay,"hesays.Thenheleavesthestore.
Iprobablyshouldhavesaidsomethingtotryandstophim,butIwasfuckingpissedtoo.I'mnot

responsibleforWater'sactions.Period.

IthoughtPiercewasoneofthegoodguys.Ididn'tthinkhe'ddumpmethisquicklyjustbecauseI

didn'ttellhimWatershasahistoryofbeingatotalscumbag.

IwatchasPiercedrivesoff.Angerissoonreplacedbyafeelingastun.
Igruntoutloudtomyself.
"FUCK!"Iyellouttoanemptystore.
IrunmyhandsthroughmyhairasItrytothinkupawaytodealwiththismess.ThewayIseeit,I

havetwochoices…

Findanewattorney,orapologizetoPierce.
Idon'tdosowellwhenitcomestoapologies,especiallywhenIdon'tfeellikeIdidanything

wrong.ButtheideaoftryingtoreplacePierceseemsjustasbad,ifnotworse,asapologizing.

AsIwallowinthemiddleofmydelirioustantrum,Ihearthebellringthatsignalsanother

customerjustcameintothestore.AsIlookdowntofindthebarcodescanner,Ihearanotherfamiliar

voicecallouttome,onlythisoneisn'tasangryasPierce's."CanItalktoamanageraroundhere?"

"I'mtheownerhere.Whatdoyouneed?"Isaywithoutlookingatthecustomeryet.
"Kindofrudeforanowner,no?"thevoicesayslightly.
IturnandalmostdropmybarcodescannerwhenIseethatit'smybrother,Shane.He'sdressedto

theninesinablacksuitandhe'scarryingashinymatchingbriefcase.

Motherfucker.Noway.
Westareeachotherdownbeforesayinganotherwordormovingasinglemuscle.
Finally,Imakethefirstmove."Dude,whatareyoudoinghere?"
Hisjawtightensashelooksmeover."Isthathowyougreetabrother?"
Ishrugmyshoulders."Brothers?Could'vefooledme,"Isay.
Hegivesabitteralaugh."Youcan'tun-brotherme,Jay."
"Isn'tthatwhatyouandColbydidtome?"Iask.Ilookdownatthefloor,mychestswelledwith

emotion.IcanseethetipsofShane'sshinyblackshoesashewalksinclosetome.

"I'mheretomakeamends.WehavetoomuchonthelinetoplaythisMexicanstandoffbullshit."
Ilookupatmybrother.MyvoicecracksslightlyasIspeak,mainlybecauseI'mnervousashell

rightnow,butalsobecauseI'mrattledaboutwhatjusthappenedwithPierce.Thisisalottotakeonin
lessthantwominutesworthoftime."Whatdowehaveonthelineanymore?"Isay.

Shanedropshisbriefcasedownonmystorefloor."Jay,wemadeapact.Weagreedtodo

everythingwecouldtosticktogetherasbrothersandbringasmuchlegacytoourfamilynameaspossible.
Remember?"

Ithinkbacktowhenme,Shane,andColbyusedtodrinkbeertogetherandplotwaystotakeover

theworld.Itseemsstupidatthetime,butinalotofways,someofusStarrbrothershavedefiedmost
Vegasoddsbyalongshot.

"Sowhatdoyouwantfrommerightnow?"Iask.
Shanesmiles."Rightnow,justforyoutoknowthatI'msorry.Ishouldn'thaveturnedmybackon

you,nomatterwhat."

Forthefirsttimeinmyadultlife,Ifeellikecryingmyassoffinfrontofmybrother.I'mnotready

togothatfarthough;insteadasolotearleaksoutofthecornerofmyeye."Idon'tknowifI'mreadyfor
thisyet,"Isay.

Shaneoffersanodofacceptance."Igetit.Thinkitover,that'sall.Iwanttogetbackwhatwe

oncehad,whatwecanstillhave,"hesays.

IstareblanklyatShaneandwatchashereachesdownforhisbriefcase."Anyways,Ihavetogo.I

havearibboncuttingceremonyinWakefieldtogetto.Callmewhenyou'rereadytotalk."

Myvoiceisnumb."Yeah,ofcourse,"Isay.
Shaneleavesjustasquicklyashecamein.
Ithrowmyhandsontopofmyheadindespair.Ifthereisagod,heistryingtosendmeamessage

thismorning…

Makeanadjustmentormisstheboat.

***

Afteralong,exhaustingdayatthestore,Iclosetheregisterdownandstarttosetthealarminthe

backroom.I'mbeat,mentallyandphysically,fromeverythingthatjustwentdownwithPierce.The
surprisevisitfromShanemademyheadspinevenfasterforthepastninehours,asthoughitwasn't
alreadyspinningfastenough.

IwanttoreachouttoPierce;Ijustdon'thowtoapproachhim.MaybeIshouldhavecomeclean

andlaidoutallthecardsrightaway.MikeyWatersisashadydude,andIknewthat.Inevershould've

beenassociatingwithhiminthefirstplace,soIguessitservesmerightthathefuckedmeoverandtook
mycarwithoutmyconsent.

Karmaatitsfinest.
Evenstill,Idon'tdeservetheblameforwhatthatpsychodidtothosepoorvictims.Nobody

deservesthatkindofblameexceptforWatershimself.

Thestore'sfrontdoorbellsoundsoffagain.Shit,Ican'tdealanymore.
Iheadoutfronttoletthecustomerknowthattheregisterisclosedandthestoreisreadytoretire

forthenight.

It'sPierce.
Whatthefuckishedoinghere?Andwhydoeshelooklikeaflesh-eatingzombiejustaccosted

him?

"I'msorry.Ioverreacted,"hesaysrightaway.
Idrawmybrowstogether."Saymore."
"Youdidn'tkillthoseinnocentpeople,andyoudidn'tgivepermissionfortheperptotakeyour

vehicle.Youhiredmetohelpyou,notmakeyoufeelshittierthanyouprobablyalreadyfeel.Iblewupat
youandI'msorry.Iwasjust…"

"Actinglikeabitch?"Isaysarcastically.
Thecornersofhismouthcurlup."Iwasworriedaboutyou."
"Iknow.Iwasjustkidding."
IfeelagiantwaveofreliefsetinnowthatPiercehasapologized.
"Doesthismeanmycaseisbackontrack?"Iask.
Hegivesahalf-smile."Theprosecution'stough;theydon'twanttoletthisgountilanyonewithina

mileofthiscasepaysaheavyprice.Theirmainmottoisaneyeforaneye,andtheydon'tgiveashit
whoseeyetheyget."

Iswallowheavily."Thatdoesn'tsoundgood."
"Itain'tgood,butIhavesomeideas,"hesaysashelooksaroundmystore."Lookslikeyou're

closingup.Letmebuyyouadrinkandwecangoovertheplan."

Myshouldersrelaxjustthinkingaboutthefactthathemighthaveanactualplantogetmeoutof

thismess."You'rebuying?"Iasksarcastically.

"Don'tworry,it'llcomeoutofyourlegalretainer."
"Great,justwhatIneed."
IhopinmytruckandfollowPierce'scaruntilwegettoaplaceonthewharfcalledBurt's

Seafood.Myphonebuzzesinmypants.It'satextfromPierce:

Onaphonecall.Grabusacoupleofseatsifyoucan.
Man,thisguydoesn'tstopworking.Irespectthatabouthim,especiallysincehe'srepresentingme.
I'mfuckingstokedthathecamebackandapologized.HereIwasthinkingthatI'dhavetobethe

onetofixthingsbetweenus.AndwhenIsayfixthingsbetweenus,I'mtalkingprofessionallyofcourse.

Iwalkintothejam-packedrestaurantandsnatchaboothwithaviewoftheharbor.Piercestrolls

throughthefrontdooroftherestaurantlookingenergized;hissuitjackethasnowvanished,hisdressshirt
isunbuttonedevenmoreatthetop,andhissleevesarerolledupacufflengthortwo.Icatchhimrunning
hishandthroughhishairashesearcheswithhiseyestolocatemywhereabouts.Iraiseahandtoflaghis
attention.

"I'mthirsty,"hesaysasheslidesintotheboothacrossfromme."Plusweneedtocelebrate."
"Celebrate?"
Hiseyessparkleinawaytheyhadn'tjustminutesagoinmystore."Yeahdude,considertoday

yourluckyday.Ijustspokewiththeleadprosecutor;thewoman'safuckingshark,butshe'soverwhelmed
withahomicidecasethatjustgotdroppedonherlap."

"Shit,"Isay.
"Yeah,shitisright.Shesaidsomethingaboutadoublemurderwhereahusbandandwifegotso

strungoutonheroinetheyendedupfightingandkillingeachotherintheirapartmentwhiletheirkidwas
sleeping."

"Holyfuck,"Isay."That'sreallytwisted."
"Iknow,"hesays.
Iwaveaserverovertoourbooth.
Athinyoungwomaninawhiteshirtandblackapronflashesabroadsmileourway."WhatcanI

getyoutwoboystonight?"shesays.

Piercechuckles."Boys?Thanksforthecompliment."
Hercheeksflameredandsheobviouslydoesn'tunderstandtherealitythatPierceisn'thittingon

her.

"Whatdoyouhaveontap?"Iask.
Theserverstartsrunningthroughalonglistofmicrobrews.Ishiftsuddenlyinmyseat,fortunately

notenoughforhertonotice,asafootbrushesupagainsttheinsideofmythigh.

Iswallowhard."I'lltakeaMagicHat."
"Makeittwo,"Pierceadds.
"Soundsgood,gentlemen.Wouldyoulikeamenu?"sheasks.
IlookatPiercewhosefootisnowrestingbetweenmyinnerthighs,justinchesfrombrushingup

againstmyballs.

"Ithinkwe'rejustgoingtohaveadrinkandthensplit,"Isay.
"Gotit,I'llberightbackwithyourdrinks,"shesaysjustbeforedisappearingofftothebar.
"Ineedyouonthatwall,"IsaytoPierce,referringtoalinefrommyfavoritemovie,AFewGood

Men.

"What?"heaskswithawrygrinonhisfaceashepretendstoplaydumb.
"Don'tplaythatgamewithme,"Isay.
Piercepresseshisfootevendeeperinbetweenmylegs.Ilookdownandseehisblackandgray

stripedsocks."Nicesocks."

"Thankyou.TheymatchedmytieearlieruntilItookitoff."
"Buttheyshouldn'tbeinbetweenmylegsrightnow."
"Myfootfeltcold.Ineededsomeplacewarmtoparkitforalittlewhile."
"Soyouthoughtmyballswouldbethebestoption?"
"Thiswon'tinterferewithmyabilitytoserveyouasyourattorney."
"Howcanitnot?"
"Whatdoyouhavetolose?"hesaysbacktome.
"Everything."
Hesmilesbackatme."Doyouwantmetomovemyfootandbeagoodboy?"
IthinkbeforeIsayanything.Therightanswerisobvious…
Yes,youshouldmoveyourgoddamnfootrightaway!
Butthewronganswerjustseemslikealotmorefun."Well,Icertainlydon'twantyougetting

frostbiteonthosecoldtoesofyours."

Hiseyesglistenunderneaththerestaurant'swallsconcelighting."Ithoughtyoumightsaythat.It

feelsgoodtoknowyou'relookingoutforme."

"Ofcourse,Pierce."
"Hereyouare,boys,"ourserversaysasshesetsourbeersdownonourtable.
Neitheroneofusmanagestopeeloureyesoffeachotherandlookupather.Pierceraisesahand

andsays,"Ah,we'lltakethatbillwheneveryou'reready.Dutyjustcalled!"

"Yougotit.Youtwogentlemencops?"shesays.
"Yeah,somethinglikethat,"hesaystoher.
"What'stherush?"IaskPierceasourserverdartsofftofetchourcheck.
"I'malwaysinarush,especiallywhenI'maroundyou.Howaboutyou?"
"Notusually.Iliketotakelifeslow.ButIagree,rightnowfeelsdifferent."
Helooksdownathisglassofbeer."I'mjustnotthatthirstyanymore,"hesaysashepresseshis

footintomyerection.

"NeitheramI."
"Ismyplacecool?"
"Yeah,let'stakeonecar.Wecantakemytruck."
Ithrowatwenty-dollarbilldownonthetableandgestureforPiercetofollowmebacktomy

truck.

Webothhopintomytruckandslamthedoorsshut.BeforeIcanevenreachtoputthekeysinthe

ignition,wearefull-fledgedmakingoutandclawingateachothersclothes.Pierceslideshishandupmy
shirtandrubsmychestwithhisfingers.

"YouknowIcan'tjustsettleforcuddlingthistime,right?"Isay.
"Youalreadywarnedmeaboutthat."
Irunmyhandacrosshisthighandpressmypalmintohishardness."You'realreadysohardfor

me,"Isay.

"I'vebeenhardforyousincethesecondIfirstsawyou."
"Shit,"Imutterundermybreath."Okay,weneedtogettoyourcondo.
"Noshitwedo.Shouldwecallforapoliceescort?"hejokes.
"Iwish."
IthrowmytruckindriveandpracticallypeeloutoftheparkingspotasIheadofftowards

Pierce'sneckofthewoods.

WegettohiscondominiumcomplexandIsearchdesperatelyforaparkingspot.
"Wecanusemyspotsincemycarisbackatthewharf,"hesays.
Ismilefromthereliefofknowingwe'llbeinsidehisplaceinnottimenow."Ialwaysknewyou

wereasmartman."

"DamnrightI'msmart.Iwassmartenoughtotakeyouonasaclient."
IparkmytruckinPierce'sreservedparkingspot.
Wehardlymakeitthroughhisdoorbeforewestartpullingeachother'sclothesoff.I'vegot

Pierce'sshirtoff,andIimmediatelypinhisshouldersagainstthewallinhishallway.Ilookcarefullyat
hislips,knowingthatinaboutonesecondthey'llbeminetotasteandsmellwithrecklessabandon.

"Areyougoingtokissme?"hesays.
"I'mgladyoufuckingasked.Yes."
Welocklipsastightlyastwomenpossiblycan.Hissaltytonguefeelssowarmandsmoothinside

mymouthandagainstmytongue.

Piercepullshismouthoffminebrieflyjusttoupdatemeonmyskills."Youkisslikeafucking

rockstar,"hesays.

"IfeellikeafuckingrockstarwhenI'maroundyou."
"Kissmesomemore,"hesays.
Ismileanddivemytonguebackintohismouth.Irunmyhandsalloverhisback,Feelingevery

rippleofmusclealongthewayuntilIreachhisass."Youaresotight,Pierce."

Hestartsgrabbingatmyzipperuntileventuallymycockcomespoppingoutandbouncesupand

downinfrontofhim."I'mgladyoulikeit,"hesays."Ilikewhatyouhavetooffertoo,"hesaysashe
looksdownatmyerection.

Ipressmyhandsintohisshouldersandguidehisentirebodydownwardsuntilhismouthis

directlyinfrontofmycock."Tasteme,"Isay.

"Withpleasure,JayStarr."
Iletoutamonstrousgroanashetakesatleastthreequartersofmyhardlengthintohismouth.

"Fuck,Pierce,that'sit.That'sit,"Isaythroughaheavybreath.

Hesucksmedownslowlyandrhythmically,usinghishandasaguideeverytimehismouth

reachesthebaseofmycock.

"Ihadafeelingyou'dbegoodatthis,"Imutter.
"I'mjustgettingstarted,"Piercesaysbacktome.
"Ohfuckyeah,Pierce."
Hebacksupagainstthewallanddropshistonguedownoverhislowerlip."Nowfuckmewith

thatdickofyoursbigman."

Igrabmyshaftandtoywithhislipswithmyheadofmycock."Standup,"Iorder.
Hesmilesashetraceshislipbackandforthwithhistongue."You'rereallyfuckinghotwhenyou

takechargelikethis,"hesays.

Iliftmyshaftupwardsanddropmyballsontohislips."Playtime'sover,Pierce.Getupandface

thewall."

"Fuckthat'ssohot.Whateveryousay,baby."
Piercestandsanddropshispantsdowntohisanklesandstepsoutofthem,onefootatatime.Itilt

myheadasItakeagoodlookatthehardpackageinhisboxerbriefs."I'lldothehonors,"IsayasIslowly
pulldownhisunderwear.

Ibitedownhardonmylip."Fuckthatlooksgood."
"Itisgood.Youmakeitgood,Jay."
IgruntandgroanasIturnPiercearoundandpinbothofhishandsagainstthewall.
IpressmydickintohisbuttcheeksasIrunmyhandsalonghishardchestmusclesanddownhis

flatstomach."Whatareyougoingtodotome?"hewhispers.

"I'mgonnagiveyouwhatyou'vewantedallalong."
"Ohfuck,"hesaysthroughalaboredbreath.
Ispreadhischeekswideandenterhismoistholewithmywetcock.
"Jesusfuck,Jay!"hegruntsoutasmydickslidesallthewayinrathereffortlesslesly.
"Yoursoperfect,Pierce.So…fucking…perfect!"Isay,mumblingeachsinglewordwithevery

thrustIgivehim.

HeflattensalltenofhisfingersagainsthiswallasIslidemycockinandoutatanevenfaster

pace.

"Shit,man.I'mreadytocome!"Isay.
Piercemoansandspinshisbodyaround,andthendropsdownonhiskneeswithhismouthwide

open."Fillmeup,Pierce.Iwanteverylastdropofyouinmythroat."

"Ohshit!"IyellasIdropmyloadinhismouth.
IrestmyhandagainstthewallinfrontofmeasItrytocatchmybreath.Pierceswallowsmyload

andlooksupatmewithawidesmile."Thatwasfuckingamazing!"

"We'renotdoneyet,"IsayasIlookdownathisbeautifulpieceofequipment.Hisdickisthe

perfectlength,nottooshort,nottoolong,andithasplentyofgirthtosatisfyevenamanmysize.

IdropdowntomykneesandstartblowinghimashardandfastasIcanmovemymouth.
"Shit,Jay,"Piercemoansbetweengaspsofair.Hisballsarestiffandtheveinalongtheunderside

ofhisshaftisfullyloaded.I'vegotthismanharderthangranite.Iincreasemysuctionandaseriesof
gruntsandgroansfollowsbehindfromPierce.

Ilookupandseehimlookingdownatme,hiseyesdrunkfromtheimminentorgasm.Igivehima

wickedsmile,thentakehisdickinmymouthdeeperthananymanhastakenhimbefore.Hishipsbuck
backandforthashotcomestartstoflowintomythroat.Hisbodyisnodoubtlostinecstasyaswaveupon
waveofhisorgasmripsthroughhisbody.

WhenPierceisdonehelooksdownatmeandsmiles."What'sthatlookfor?"Iask.
Hissmilewidens."Youlookevensexierwhenyou'readisheveledmess,"hesays.
MycheeksliftslightlyasIcan'tholdbackasmile."It'syourfault,somaybeyoushouldfixit,"I

say.

Pierceleansoverandrunshisfingersthroughmyhair,combingthroughitandstylingituntilitis

exactlytohisliking."There,see,Itookresponsibilityformyactions."

Iletoutadeepbreathandglancearoundhisapartment.Hekeepsthisplacemeticulous,fromthe

dustlesswhitepianointhecorner,tothecrystalclearglasscoffeetable,tothestain-freewhitecotton
couch."Youdon'tseemtohaveproblemsbeingresponsible,"Isay.

Hesquintshiseyes.
"Yourplaceisimmaculate.Imean,I'mafraidI'mgoingtogetyourcouchdirtyjustbylookingat

it!"

Herollshiseyesandsmiles."I'vebeenknowntobekindofaneatfreak.Maybethat'swhat

attractsmetoyou."

Inarrowmyeyes,butcanholdbackatinysmileagain."AreyousayingI'mabigslobbecauseI

getmyhandsdirtyandworkwithtools?"

"No,I'msayingIcouldlightenupalittlewiththeneatness,that'sall.Butdamn,Iobviouslyjust

tappedintoyourkryptonite."

Inaway,hedid.Ihesitatetotellhim,butseeinghimnakedmakesitalittleeasiertotrusthim

rightnow."IguessImissedoutonthewholecollegethingandneverreallyletitgo,"Isay.

Piercetiltshisheadsubtlyashelistensin.
"I'vealwaysbeenalittleinsecureaboutittobetotallyhonest,"Isay.
Heshakeshisheadandreachesformyhand."Dude,nobodyonthisplanetisbetterthananyone

else.Thekindofshityoudo,buildingstuffwithstone,Icouldneverdothatstuff."

Igivehimalookofsuspicion."Youwishyoubuildpatiosandbrickovens?"
Hesmirksandsays,"Yes,actuallyIdo.I'vealwaysreliedonmybraintodoeverything.Shit,

man,I'dlovetobeabletorefacemyownfireplacewithouthavingtohireyourass!"

IlookdownathishandandfeelasenseofgratitudethatIhaven'tfeltinalong,longtime.ThenI

getabrilliantidea.

"What'sthatlookfor?"heasks.
Isqueezehishandfirmly,thengetupandstarttogetdressed."Wecandoyourfireplacetogether."
Heshakeshisheadandwaveshishandsinfrontofhischest."Ohno,I'mgood,butthankyou

anyways,"hesays."Besides,justbecauseIdon'tworkwithmyhandsdoesn'tmeanIwanttocutthemoff
withapowersaw."

Ilaughoutloudfromthecenterofmybelly.
"What'ssogoddamnfunny?"
"Nothing,youjustremindedmewhenmyolderbrother,Colby,waschasingmearoundmy

backyardwithachainsaw.Thatwasmyfirstlessoninthedangerofpowertools."

Pierce'sexpressionlookslikehejustsawaghost."Yourbrother…ourmayor?"
Inodmyheadupanddown."Yup,ourmayortriedtocutmyarmoffwithachainsaw!"
Helaughsandsays,"Well,maybeyoudeservedit."
MysmilevanishesasIthinkaboutmychildhoodandwonderwhatthehellwentwrong."MaybeI

did,"Isaysoftly.

Pierceliftsmychinupwithhishand.Warmthfillsmyfaceandspreadsdownthroughthefrontand

backofmyneck."Hey,I'mjoking.Areyouokay?"

Ishakemyhead,forcingmyselftocomeoutofwhateverself-loathingtranceIamin."Yeah,of

course."Ireachformyphonetocheckthetime."Doyouwanttohelpmewiththefireplaceornot?Ifyou
helpme,Iwon'tchargeyouatall."

Theskinaroundhiseyessoftens."Noway,man,Ican'tletyoudothat."
Ireachoutandgrabhisshouldersfirmly;ItoweroverhimasIsay,"Youdon'thaveachoice.You

can'tforcemetochargeyou."

Hefoldshisarmsinfrontofhischest."ThenmaybeIwon'tchargeyouanylegalfeeseither."
"Nowthat'sjustnotplayingfair,"Isay.
"Heylook,aneyeforaneye,"hesaysbacktome.
Ishakemyhead."Whatever,Pierce."
Piercereachesforhisphone.Hisgazebecomesseriousashereadsthescreen.
"Workstuff?"Iask.
"Yeah,workstuffaboutyou."
"Ohgreat,what'sup?"
"Wehaveameetingtomorrowmorningat8:30.Theleadprosecutionwantstostrikeadeal.She

wantstofindacompromisetomakethevictims'familieshappy."

Mybloodfeelslikeit'sstartingtoboil."Whatthefuck?IneedtocompromiseeventhoughIdidn't

doanythingwrong?"Isay.IfinishgettingdressedasIcontinuemyrant."Iwantthevictimsfamiliestobe
happyto.Wealldo.Butthatdoesn'tmeanthereputationsofinnocentguyslikemehavetogetcrushedin
ordertodoso."

Piercehasapensiveexpressiononhisfaceashelooksdownatthefloor.Helooksupandgazes

directlyintomyeyes."Justmeetmeat8:30,andleaveyourtemperathome."

Irollmyeyes,grabmykeys,andsay,"Thisisbullshitandyouknowit."
"Wehavetoworkwiththelaw.Andrightnow,theyhavealegtostandon,evenifit'snotabig

one."

"Wellthelawisbullshit,"Isay.
"Maybeso,butstill…"hisvoicetrailsoff.
Iwaitforhimtoofferupsomethingreassuring,buthesaysnothing."Whataboutyourcar?"Iask.
"It'sfoursubwaystopsfromhere.I'llgrabitlater."
"I'llseeyoutomorrow,"Isay.
Henodsandpresseshislipstogether.
Herewegoagain,Ithinktomyself.

***

Ican’trememberthelasttimeIworeasuit.Butthismorning’smeetingseemsliketheright

occasiontodressup.

“They’rewaitingforyouintheconferenceroom,”Pierce’sreceptionistsaysashegesturestoa

closeddoordownthehallfromhisoffice.

“Thankyou,”Isay.
IstraightenmytieandtakeadeepbreathasIknockonthedoortothemeetingroom.
“Comeonin,”Piercecallsout.
Iwalkinandseeatall,thinwomanwearinggraydresspantsandawhiteblouse.Shenods,but

saysnothing.

Clearly,thismustbetheleadattorney.
Offtoherleftisashort,white-hairedwomanwithaboxofKleenexsetinfrontofheronthe

table.Isetmysightsonthiswomanandnod.“Ma’am,”Isay.

“Mr.Starr,haveaseat,”Piercesays.Hegesturestothelawyer,“ThisisattorneyHughes,andthis

isMs.RosalieHarper,momtooneofthevictims.”

InodtobothwomenandlooktoPierceformynextmove.
Thereisalongsilence,andthentheolderwomanstartstotalkastearscontinuetorolldownher

cheeks.“I’msorry,”shesays.

Isquintmyeyesather,unabletohidemyshock.“Excuseme?”Isay.
Sheshakesherhead.“Iknowthatnoneofthiswasyourresponsibility.Iknowthatyoudidn’tkill

mybaby.AndI’msorryfordraggingyouintothisinthefirstplace.Ijust…”hervoicetrailsoff.

Iwipeatearoffmycheekandreachacrosstoputmyhandoverhers.“I’msorrytoo,ma’am.And

ifIcoulddoanythingtobringyourchildback,Iwouldgiveupmyownlifetodoit,”Isay.

Sheshakesherhead.“No,no…Youhaveyourownlifetolive,andGodclearlyhadotherplans

withmybaby.”Shelooksdownatmyhand,thencoversitwithherotherhand.“Moveonwithyourlife
now,son.I’mdroppingthiscaseandmovingonwithmine.”

Iswallowheavily.Iwanttoburstintotears,butIresisttheurge.“Thankyou,Ms.Harper.”
“Noneedtothankme,”shesays.
Ms.HarperandherlawyerexchangeafewwordswithPierceandthenleaveasIsitnumband

speechlessathistable.

Piercewalksoverandputshishandonmyshouldertocomfortme.“You’refree,Jay.”
Ilookupathimandsmile.“I…Ican’tthankyouenough.”
“Ididn’tdoanything.Wejustgotalittlelucky;that’sall.”
IstandupandthrowmyarmsaroundPierce.“Butyouwerehereforme,Pierce.”
Hepullsmeintohisbodyeventighter.“Thatwastheeasypart.”
“Sonowwhat?”Iask.
Hesmilesandcheckshiswatch.“Howaboutmyfireplace?”
Ilifthischinupwithmyfingerandlandasoftkissonhislips.“Justnamethetime.”
“Iwill,Jay.”
“Iknowyouwill,”Isaybacktohim.

***

“Wheredoyouwanttheseboxes?”Iask.
Pierceputshishandonmybicepandsmiles.“Actually,doyoumindholdingthoseforanotherten

orsominutes?Youlooklikeyoucantakeit.”

“Sorry,asshole,”IsayasIdroptheboxesonhiscounterandheadovertothebaywindowthat

overlookshisnewproperty.“Thisdoesn’tlooklikeBoston,that’sforsure.”

Piercewalksuptomefrombehindandwrapshisarmsaroundmywaist.“It’snot.Welcometothe

otherside,wherethere’smoretolifethanroadrageandofficebuildings.”

Iturnandlookdownathim.“Youworkinanofficebuilding!”
“Exactly,that’swhyIdon’twanttolivenearthemtoo.”
Iturnandlookoutatthefieldthatistechnicallyconsideredpartoftheconservationlandthat

Piercenowowns.Afamilyofdeerscurriesacrossthegrassfieldandthenvanishesintothewoods.
“Dude,that’ssick,”Isay.

“Prettycool,right?”
“Reallycool!"
“So,didyoumakeupyourmindyet?”Pierceasks.
Ilookdownathimagain.“Areyousureaboutthis?”
Piercegrabsbothofmyhandsandpullsmeintokissmycheek.“It’sbeautifulouthere,butit

wouldn'tbethesamewithoutahot,strongbucklikeyourselftoprotectmejustincaseanythinggoes
awry.”

“Thenlet’sdoit,’Isay.
Herunshishandsundermyshirtandupmyback.“Welcometoyournewhome,Jay.”Piercestarts

tokneadmybackmusclesasIlookoutatthecrystalclearpondsetofftothesideoftheproperty.

“CanIbringmyfishinggear?”Isay.
Herunshishandsovermybuttandsqueezesbothcheeks.“Bringwhateveryouwant.It’syour

hometoo,Jay.”

Ismileandbrushawayastraylockofhairthathoversabovehiseye.“DoyouknowhowmuchI

loveyou?”Isay.

Heshakeshisheadandsmiles.“Ifit’sevenhalfasmuchasIloveyouthenI’minprettygood

shape.”

Weclasphandsandturninperfectunisontoadmirethegorgeousview.“Ithinkwe’rebothin

prettygoodshapethesedays.”

“Icouldn’tagreemore,mylove.Youhungry?I’lldosteaksonthegrill.”
“Jesus,thisjustkeepsgettingbetter,”Isay.
Hewinksandslapsmyassashewalkstowardsthekitchen.“Always,love.”

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