Part One

"Do you want another one, Jim?" Jack grabbed the pot of coffee.

"I shouldn't..." God, he did.

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"No, but he's not here, huh? The rules don't apply."

Montana snorted. "Right. The rules always apply. If you're going to break them, break them. Don't
be a pussy."

Jim rolled his eyes. Montana had a unique way of seeing things. "Yeah. One more."

"I thought so!" Jack laughed, smiled at him and poured more of the dark liquid into his cup.

"God, you make a fabulous cuppa." He drank deep.

Jack beamed at him. "I do. And nobody enjoys it more than you do."

"It's one of my favorite things." And his master, his lover, his Marcus was unreasonably opposed to
it.

There was a faint sound from the door from the garage just down the hall and then the sound of
chuckles, laughter; their masters were back.

He finished his cup. "Come on; let's clean up."

"Ah, Jack, is that you're famous coffee I smell? We brought little cakes back with us; I hope there's
enough coffee for everyone." Oliver put a bakery box in the middle of the table, beaming at Jack.

"Coffee?" Jim could feel Marcus' eyes on him.

"Of course there is, love." Jack bounced over, kissed Oliver's cheek. "Did you all have fun?"

Montana headed over to Billy and Jim found a smile for Marcus.

"We had a grand time. There was a master sharing tips on figging. I think the three of you are in
very big trouble the next time any of us go grocery shopping." Oliver winked and Billy laughed,
wrapping an arm around Montana's waist.

Marcus, however was frowning. "Coffee, baby? I don't remember saying you could have coffee
tonight."

"Don't frown, love. Jack was making it." And saying no was hard for him.

That didn't do anything for Marcus' frown. "Jack knows your coffee consumption is restricted, he
would have understood if you'd asked for something else."

Jim sighed internally. He liked his coffee; he wasn't an asshole about it. "I'm sorry."

"How many cups did you have?"

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"Three or four. Three, I think."

Montana met his eyes across the table, offered him a smile he didn't understand.

"Three? Three, baby?" Marcus sounded like he might explode.

Jack took a step forward. "I kept offering to refill his cup."

"I'll go wait outside." He wasn't going to get yelled at here. He just wasn't. It was coffee. He was an
adult. He was capable, damn it.

"No, I don't think so." Marcus pulled out a chair and sat on it, patted his lap.

"What?"

No.

No way.

"Over my lap, baby." Marcus met his eyes. "Now."

"Here? No. No, Marcus. This isn't... This isn't right."

"Here is where you broke the rules; here is where you can receive your punishment."

He shook his head, panic beginning to build in him in a way it hadn't in months.

"Breathe, baby, and do as I say." Marcus reached for his hand and tugged him close. "This is where
you break the coffee rule. All the time. I have a hunch if this is where your punishment takes place,
you'll remember next time."

"Please don't. Not here. This is wrong, Marcus." He was shaking, vision going gray at the edges.

"Yes, here."

"Marcus it was my fault," Jack insisted.

"No. Jim knows the rules."

"Jack, enough." Oliver's voice was sharp, firm, and Jim snapped, jerking away from Marcus and
taking off at a dead run.

His brain was screaming at him, his body out of control. He could hear Marcus coming after him,
calling out his name.

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"Help me." He wasn't sure if the words were whispers or screams. "Marcus. Master. Help me." He
couldn't stop running.

Marcus' arms wrapped around him from behind, stopping his headlong run. He fought, completely
out of control, trapped in a web of total panic.

He heard other voices, then a wet blanket was wrapped tight around him, shocking him into
stillness.

"Do you have him, Marcus?" That was Oliver.

"I have him. I have you, baby. I have you." Marcus' arms were tight around him, holding him
against the strong chest.

"Oh, God. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Montana, run a hot bath for them."

"I'm on it."

He could hear the words, but they didn't make sense.

Marcus picked him up. He was held close, carried and Marcus made little soothing sounds.

"I'm sorry. I don't understand." He couldn't move. He was wrapped tight.

"Too much coffee, baby. The caffeine sets you off. Especially when it's been awhile since you've
had so much"

"No. No, it never did. Didn't before. I'm scared. Master, please. Help me."

"It did, you just didn't realize it: all that misery and the harsh routines to keep you from panicking.
And I have you, baby. I have you."

They stopped walking and he could hear water running.

"Do you need anything, Marcus? I've had Jack make the guest room up. You'll have privacy."

"Thank you, Oliver, I think we have everything we need."

"There's ice water, towels, bindings -- I'll see you in the morning, yes?"

"Yes, my friend. Good night."

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The doors were closed, the lights dim and the room warm and quiet but for his gasping breath. He'd
made an idiot of himself.

Marcus began to strip him, hands firm and warm. "I have you, baby."

"I'm sorry." He was shaking now, ashamed and sick.

"It's all right, baby. If nothing else, it was an honest reaction."

Once Marcus had him naked, his master began to strip.

His hands opened and closed, nails digging into his palms. "I love you. I didn't mean to."

"I know, baby." Marcus slipped into the tub and held out a hand for him.

He went, curling into Marcus' lap, the warm water surrounding him. "What happened to me?"

Marcus chuckled -- chuckled. "You've come a long way, baby, if you don't recognize a panic
attack."

"I hadn't..." Oh. Oh, God. How stupid. "I'm sorry. It's been a long time. That one was--"

Bad.

A surprise.

Scary.

Fucked up.

Marcus kissed the top of his head. "A doozy, yes. But you made it through it, hmm?"

"I guess. Not before making an idiot out of myself."

"You didn't make an idiot of yourself, baby."

"No? I ran." He hid his face, shaking hard. "I'm so sorry."

"You don't think Jack and Montana have never freaked out, have never run?"

"Montana? He's solid as a rock." Montana was... fearless.

Marcus was laughing again. "And do you believe he was always so?"

"I don't know." God, he had a headache.

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"Trust me, he wasn't always solid as a rock." Marcus kissed the top of his head again, hands sliding
over him. "But Montana's not here, he's not us. This is you and me here now."

He nodded, leaned in. He couldn't believe he was in Oliver's bathtub, just floating. "I didn't mean to
fuck up."

"Of course you didn't, but it happens, hmm?"

"Yeah." Marcus' attitude seeped into him, that quiet reassurance that he was not losing his mind,
that things were normal and right, beginning to take hold.

Marcus slid down a little, changing his hold so they were pressed together top to bottom. "This is
the biggest tub I've ever been in."

"It's amazing." He let himself melt, breathe. "Did I apologize for being a nutcase?"

"You did. You don't have to, though. I've always known you were a nutcase." Marcus gave him a
wink and a kiss.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." His eyes closed, his entire focus on his master, on that touch, the steady, strong
heart.

Marcus' fingers began to run over his skin, digging in and working his muscles. He started to shake
again, as he relaxed, as the nerves worked themselves out.

"When we're finished in here, I'm going to spank your ass until it's cherry red and then I'm going to
have you."

Jim nodded. "I'm afraid there's something wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you, baby."

"No? Are you sure?"

"I am." Marcus' flicked one nipple ring, and then the other.

"I don't want there to be a coffee rule anymore." His nipples were hard as nails.

"And if we remove the coffee rule, how much coffee will you drink each day?"

"I don't know. As much as I need."

Marcus shook his head. "You don't need any. The rule stands."

"It's setting me up for failure."

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"No, it's not. You're doing that to yourself."

"No." On this he was sure. "If I was deep into booze, you wouldn't expect me to go to a party with
booze, be offered alcohol, and be able to say no. You'd tell your friends I was an alcoholic and no
one would be weird about it. Coffee's my thing."

"But your friends know you're not allowed to have coffee, and they continue to make it, to offer it
to you."

He nodded. "Yeah, and it's too much -- to say no and to want it. I know I'm a big weakling, but it's
too much to disappoint them and say no."

"Hmm. Well, I will talk to our friends, but the burden is still on you not to drink it."

"Why don't you like it?" It wasn't reasonable.

"We've been through this many times, baby. It puts you on edge, the caffeine stresses you out. It
isn't good for you."

"So, can I have decaf? As much as I want?"

"I don't think so. The rule stands as it is."

"You're being unreasonable. I'm trying to be sensible. I'm trying."

"I am not being unreasonable at all. The rules haven't suddenly changed on you -- they're the same
as they've always been."

"Yes, but I'm incapable of following them." He was going to scream or something.

"I don't believe that."

"No, I don't guess you do." He closed his eyes and counted silently, forcing himself to simply focus
on controlling his temper, which was right there, begging to boil over. He was losing his mind.

"Come on, baby. Out. You need something to take your mind off this."

He shook his head, but got out of the tub all the same.

Marcus dried him slowly, carefully. "Oliver's arranged a room for us for the night."

"Is it going to be somewhere I can make noise?" He needed to. He was going to, whether or not he
wanted to.

"Yes." Marcus kissed him hard on the mouth. "You can scream as much as you need."

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He nodded, fingers opening and closing, over and over.

His master slipped a robe around his shoulders and then led him out of the bathroom and down a
hall. By the time they closed the door of the room and locked it, his body felt like it was on high
alert. Marcus didn't tease or make him wait. His master simply sat on the bed and patted his lap,
just like he had earlier in the evening.

"I'm going to say ugly things." He slipped the robe off.

"You can let it out, baby. All of it."

Jim let himself drape across Marcus' lap, offered himself over.

"Mmm..." Marcus rubbed his ass. "You're beautiful, baby."

He shook his head a little, tried to take a deep breath.

"You are." Marcus' fingers snapped across the bottom of his ass.

He bit his lip, refusing to agree.

Marcus' brought his hand down again, this time hitting Jim in the middle of his ass, fingers slapping
across both cheeks.

"Stop it. I'm not a bad man." The words snarled out of him.

"You're not a bad man at all." Marcus hit him again, hand solid, fingers like hot branches out from
Marcus' palm.

"I don't like this. I don't want to do this tonight."

"Not your choice." Marcus didn't slow or speed up; the swats continued, one after another landing
on his ass.

"I'm tired of this. I'm tired of rules. I'm always having to think about them." He shook his head,
worried. Aggravated. "I'm stressed out."

"Too stressed out." Now Marcus' hits felt harder, felt like they came more often.

"Yes. Yes, nothing's easy, and I'm angry and I'm tired of it. I want it to stop for a little while. I don't
want to worry all the time!"

"You don't have to worry all the time, baby. I want you to relax, to let me care for you. You know
the rules are all to help you do that."

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"I don't want you to be tired of me. I don't understand why Montana looks at me like he knows
something about me. I don't understand why I do this!"

"I imagine Montana has been where you are now, baby." Marcus' words were interspersed with
swats.

"Stop touching me! I have all this shit inside me!"

Marcus only swatted him harder. "Come on, baby. Let it all out."

Words poured out of him -- hours of worry about doing things wrong, about making bad decisions,
about life. He'd been caught in the worry for weeks, trapped and he screamed with the frustration of
it all. He couldn't bear it, not any of it, anymore.

"Tell me," growled Marcus. "Tell it all to me."

His ass was on fire, each new swat making it burn harder.

"I hate the rules. I hate that they work. I want to be good, and I don't know how and my mind won't
let me. It keeps making me fuck up."

"Yes. We need to figure out why." Marcus' hands began to move down to the backs of his thighs,
making them burn, too.

He sobbed, shook his head, suddenly exhausted, worn out.

"Count down from ten with me, baby."

"T...ten." He was trying, so hard.

"Good job." The next blow fell.

"Nine. I love you."

"I love you what?" murmured Marcus as the next blow fell.

"Huh?" He groaned, trying to think.

"Sir or Master." It was a whisper.

"Master. Master, I'm sorry..." He couldn't even do that right.

"Just count, baby."

"Yes, Master. Eight. I'm sorry. I want to be good for you."

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"You are good for me, baby. So often. Maybe I haven't been paying enough attention to you,
hmm?" Another swat accompanied the question.

"S...seven. No. No, you're good to me. I'm a needy asshole. Demanding. Trouble."

"Mine," growled Marcus, this swat particularly hard.

"Six! I'm work."

"Anything worthwhile is." Marcus spanked him again.

"I'm not... five. Five. That's five, sir."

"You are!" Marcus gave him another hard swat.

"Four." He whimpered. "N...not a good man."

"Stop that," Marcus growled.

"Make me." Please.

"Count!" Marcus' next hit was the hardest yet.

"Three! Master, please. I need you!"

"I'm right here, baby."

"I love you. I need this. Please." He needed Marcus to prove that this was right.

"Two more, baby." They were given in quick, hard succession.

He counted, sobbing and scared, an ache in the center of his chest.

Marcus rolled him onto his back on the bed and spread his legs. His master's gaze bored into his
own. "You are mine, Jim. Nothing else matters."

"I want that to be the truth. That nothing else matters."

"It is true. The rest is details; the rest is just stuff we do, that we deal with."

He could feel Marcus' cock at his hole, pushing, but oh, so very slowly.

"Master." He nodded, breathing deep.

"Yes. Mine." Marcus pushed into him, cock hard and thick and so hot.

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"Yours. Please." He moaned, feeling like he'd run a race. Marcus kept pushing until he'd sunk all
the way in.

"Is it normal? For things to be so weird?"

"Ups and downs, baby. Ups and downs." Marcus began to fuck him, strokes hard and good.

"Ups and..." He moaned, eyes fluttering closed. Each push filled him with his master, made
everything go away a little more. "Master. Master." Something in his chest eased, relaxed, and he
moaned deep. "Yes..."

"Mine. My baby." Marcus pounded into him until there was nothing else but them, but this.

"Yours." He reached up, fingers sliding over the strong muscles.

"That's right." Marcus' voice was little more than a sexy growl. It wrapped around him.

Jim found himself flying, the world emptying itself of all his worries as he soared. Marcus' mouth
covered his, the kiss as necessary as breathing. Suddenly it wasn't about coming, it wasn't about
need, it was just about right then, just that second.

Marcus' eyes were open, gaze holding his; Marcus was right there with him.

He came, the sensation almost distant as he watched his lover. He could see Marcus coming, see
the pleasure in his master's eyes.

Jim hummed, body welcoming Marcus in.

One kiss after another filled his mouth. "Love you, baby."

"Love you."

"Good. Everything else is just details, baby."

"Yes, sir." He could smile, really smile. "Thank you."

"It's my pleasure, baby." Marcus nibbled on his lower lip. "Now sleep. You'll need your energy
tomorrow."

He didn't argue. He just nodded, not worrying about it.

Marcus slipped out of him and lay down next to him, pulling the covers up over them. A soft touch
patted him.

***

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"Jim! Come on, babe, we've got to get going." Marcus glanced at his watch. Yeah, they needed to
get a move on; they were meeting up with Billy, Oliver, Jack and Montana in less than half an hour.

"I don't know if I can, Master. I'm so embarrassed."

"Nonsense, you look wonderful in that kilt." Plus it was easy access.

"I look ridiculous and everyone will be talking about how I'm a psycho..."

"Oh, please. They're your friends, they will not be talking about how you're a psycho, they'll be
worrying about you. And they're going to think you're hot."

Jim looked at him, that panic right there at the edges. Jim needed to learn to breathe.

"Come here, baby." He held out his arms.

Jim came, moving immediately into him. Marcus wrapped his arms around Jim and kissed him, just
taking his mouth like there was nothing else in the world. Jim opened, gasping into his lips, eyes
closing.

"There you are, baby. Trust me; they will only see their friend." He reached under Jim's kilt -- the
man was going commando as ordered -- and pinched Jim's ass. "In a very sexy get-up."

"I'm naked underneath."

"Yes, baby. Nice, isn't it?" He squeezed Jim's ass again.

"I'm scared, Master, that things will... happen at the club. Private things."

That wasn't Jim's decision to make.

"I am your master, Jim. You don't have to worry about anything."

"How can I not? I don't know how not to worry."

"I know, babe. We're working on it, though, hmm?" He hugged Jim tight, willing his lover to let
things go. "It's a hard habit to break. I know that."

"I'm scared. I'm scared I'll freak out, run again, and I don't want to."

"You won't, baby. You're going to be strong."

"But what if I'm not?"

"Then you'll hold onto me, and I'll be strong for you." They went over and over this. Marcus knew

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only repetition would eventually make it real for Jim. There'd been so much misery and shame and
denial and people hating Jim, it was no wonder his lover had issues.

"You promise?"

"I promise, babe. I won't let you down."

"I don't worry about you letting me down. Only me."

"Well, I don't worry about you letting me down, either, Jim. You are my brave, beautiful baby."
He'd say it forever if he had to.

Jim leaned into him, let him hold his lover up.

He pressed a kiss to the top of Jim's head. "You're going to do wonderfully tonight. I'm sure of it.
And after tonight, I think you'll be better able to remember the coffee rule."

"Is this a punishment?"

"No, it's a lesson."

Jim sighed, but didn't pull away. "I'm good at those, usually. I like learning."

"This one is harder than most. You were told how wrong your lifestyle was all your life, baby. It
won't be easy to flout that in public."

"I will run, Master. I do. I'll freak out. Can I have a Xanax first?"

"Jim!" He took his baby's face between his hands. "You will run if you've already decided that you
will. I know you can do this, though. You must have more faith in your own ability to be strong."

"I don't want to do this, Master."

"Why not?"

Jim did him the respect of breathing, of thinking about the answer. "Because I don't like people
looking at me. Because I worry, all the time. Because I'm ashamed that I need the things I need.
Because I'm afraid I'll do this wrong, and you'll be disappointed in me."

"Let me address that last one first, baby. It doesn't matter if you do things wrong; you're not going
to disappoint me."

Jim leaned into him, but didn't answer.

"The place we are going today, baby, is a safe place. It is our friends there, and others who
understand the lifestyle, who understand the things we do together, the things we need. You don't

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have to be ashamed. Would you feel better if I told you what I had planned so that you can be ready
for it?"

"No." Jim's answer made him smile. He'd known that. Jim was many things, but stupid wasn't on
that list. "I'll just worry."

He kissed the top of Jim's head. "We'll put a plug in. That will help keep your mind on your ass."

Jim's cheeks turned bright red. "People will see."

"Some will. Most will be doing their own things."

"I... Will Montana be there?" Jim had the oddest reaction to Billy's boy.

"I don't know, baby."

"I don't know if I like him."

"Montana? Why not?"

"He looks at me. He looks at me like he knows a secret about me."

Montana was, more than most of their friends, a full-time lifestyle sub. Montana pushed on
purpose, needing punishment, attention, pleasure. Montana did know a secret about Jim. Montana
knew Jim was like him.

"Maybe he sees a kindred spirit, baby."

"Maybe. I want to be his friend, but... he's not easy like Jack."

"No, but sometimes the best things are worth the work." Like his baby, his Jim.

"Sometimes." Jim leaned into him.

Marcus held on, letting Jim draw strength from him for a moment. "We should go, baby."

"Are you going to put a plug in?"

"Oh, yes. We'll start with a little one, hmm?" He gave Jim a warm smile.

"S...start?"

"Oh yes. Little and then bigger and a bit bigger, and so on."

"But..."

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"If that was the beginning of 'buttplug', then, yes, exactly." He gave Jim a wink and led him to the
living room. Bent over the couch would be just the spot.

"That was terrible." Jim actually laughed for him.

He chuckled and nodded. "I know."

"I love you, huh?"

He stopped and met Jim's eyes. "Yeah, baby. And I love you."

"I know."

"Good." He moved Jim to the couch, bent his baby over. "Wait like that while I get the little plug,
baby."

"Yes, sir." Jim moaned softly and that sound followed him.

He hurried up the stairs and collected several plugs, put them in a little velvet bag along with a
large tube of lube. Then he grabbed the littlest plug they had and headed back downstairs. Jim was
waiting, bent over the couch, cheek resting on his hands.

Marcus stopped for a moment, just to look. Jim took his breath away.

"Master? Are you okay, love?"

"Hmm? Oh. Yes. Sorry. I was just admiring the view." He went to his lover, leaving the velvet bag
on the coffee table.

Jim's ass cheeks were a lovely, rosy red. He slapped one gently. Those muscled thighs parted for
him.

"Good, baby." He slicked up his fingers and pushed two into Jim's ass.

"Master." That tight, tiny little hole jerked, squeezed for him.

"Yes, baby." He pushed, finding that little gland.

Jim's muscles flexed, that amazing ink like shadows under the tight T-shirt. He played that gland a
few times, fingers circling and pushing.

"Oh. Oh, Master..." Jim began to rock, to push back against him.

He let it go on for awhile, and then pulled his fingers away and pushed the little plug right in. Jim

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whimpered, eyes turned to him. Leaning over Jim, Marcus brought their mouths together. This kiss
was deep, heated, proof of how badly his baby needed him.

He finally broke the kiss and smiled at Jim. "Anytime you need one of those, it's yours, baby."

"You'll be kissing me a lot."

"Excellent. I love kissing you." He pushed at the plug one last time, and then pulled Jim's kilt down
over his ass.

"You look amazing, baby. Hot."

"I feel exposed." The tight T-shirt was tugged down.

"That kilt goes down past your knees."

"There's air."

Marcus bit his cheek so he wouldn't laugh; his lover really was adorable. "You'll be fine, baby."

Jim's arm slid into the curve of his. "If you say so."

"It's nice and warm at the Hammer. You'll be fine." He led Jim out to the car, locking the door as
they left.

They were out of the house now. First battle won.

He had his bag of tricks, he had a nice paddle in the trunk -- not that he wouldn't use his hand -- and
he had a custom-made ball gag for Oliver and a flogger for Billy as thank you gifts. It didn't take
them long to get to the Hammer and he spent most of the drive with his hand on Jim's thigh. He
hoped the touch would help Jim keep grounded.

There wasn't a line -- not surprising, really, it was one of the reasons why he'd chosen tonight. He
didn't want to do this on a crowded night.

They went in and he found Oliver and Billy and their subs immediately, already seated around one
of the big tables in the corner. He waved and, with a hand on Jim's back, led them over there. Jack
was in Oliver's lap, Montana cuffed and kneeling on a cushion, cheek on Billy's thigh.

"Looks like you're not the only one having a lesson tonight."

Billy smiled over at him, the look a touch sad. "Montana lost a good friend from work, and he's
needing some help with how he feels."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. My condolences. If there's anything we can do."

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Billy shook his head, but it was Jim that knelt down on the floor. "Oh, God. Tanny. Was it...
Margaret?"

Montana nodded, shuddering.

Marcus patted Jim's shoulder, giving him permission to stay there and comfort Montana for awhile.
Margaret was -- had been -- Montana's boss, although mentor was probably a better word. Marcus
knew well she'd been Montana's champion and friend as well, almost like a second mother. He sat
and sighed. Jack didn't look down at Montana, obviously nervous, but his baby took Montana in his
arms and held the man, talking to him. Both Marcus and Billy just stared for a second.

Maybe Jim recognized himself in Montana more than he was willing to admit. Marcus didn't say a
word, though, he simply let Jim comfort Montana.

Montana's stress started ratcheting up, and Jim looked at Billy. "I think-- I think he needs you."

Marcus nodded; he could see it, too.

Billy smiled at Jim. "He does. Thank you for your concern, Jim. It means a lot to Montana, to have
friends that care so well for him."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry she's gone. I know he loved her."

Billy nodded again and drew Montana up into his lap.

Marcus held his hand out for his baby. Jim pushed close, face pushed into his throat. He held on
tight, letting his eyes close as he breathed slowly, giving Jim calm support. And Jim took it, held
tight, fingers squeezing him.

"I love you," he whispered.

"Ditto." Jim leaned hard, lips on his shoulder.

"You want to go home, Montana?" Billy asked his lover.

Montana shook his head. "No, sir. I don't want to have to think."

"Then we'll stay with our friends."

Marcus kissed the top of Jim's head. "Business as usual, hmm?"

"Okay." Jim stayed close, even as Montana curled back up on the floor, eyes closed.

He slid his hand down and under Jim's kilt.

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"Are you sure, Master? It's not... mean?" The words were whispered into his ear.

"It's what Montana wants, baby, what he asked for. Us to go on, for things to be like normal."

Jim leaned back and searched his eyes, then nodded. "Okay. Okay, Master."

Oh, his beautiful, trusting baby. He slid his hand right up to Jim's ass and squeezed it. Jim's eyes
went wide, and his baby went stock-still. He squeezed again and then patted that ass. "You ready
for the next plug yet, baby?"

Jim whimpered, shook his head. "Here?"

"Yes, here." He patted Jim's ass again.

"I can't."

His hand flew, smacking that pert ass good and hard. "Can't" was not on the list of allowable words
for Jim.

"What was that?"

"Not here, please. People will see."

"Yes, here. We're in a dark, quiet corner, and everyone is busy with their own needs."

He could see the wild-eyed fear, the panic building in his baby's face.

He pressed their foreheads together and stared into Jim's eyes. "Me, baby. Look at me. Listen to
me. Feel me. There isn't anyone else here who matters right now. Just you and me."

Those beautiful green eyes focused on him, Jim breathing with him, holding tight to his arms.

"That's it, baby. There you go. Breathe."

Jim kept staring, kept breathing.

Stayed with him.

Holding that gaze, he grabbed the base of the little plug and twisted it inside Jim. He heard the
whimper, and Jim's fingers held tighter, but his baby didn't bolt. He pulled the plug partway out,
pushed it in again. Then out, then in, fucking his baby with it.

"I don't want to do this." Jim's body was beginning to respond to him.

"Yes, you do." He kept fucking Jim with the plug. It was barely larger than one of his fingers.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 18

"I don't." The panic was tempered now with hunger.

"You don't believe that anymore than I do." He pulled the plug out.

"Please." Jim refused to look away from him.

"We need a larger plug, baby. Get it out of the bag."

"Don't make me do this."

"I'm not making you do anything, Jim. You're going to get the next size up plug because I asked
you to."

"I don't want to." Jim did, though, shaking violently.

He took the plug as Jim handed it over, stroking it as if it was Jim's cock. Jim didn't look away from
him. Jim stared at him, shivering.

"I need the lube now."

"Master..."

"Now, baby."

Those muscles jerked and pulled against him, but he kept his hand on Jim, refusing to let his baby
run. Jim had a safe word. Jim knew how to use it.

Jim finally put the lube in his other hand and he nodded, smiled. "That's it, baby. I'm so proud of
you."

"I don't want to do this." Jim held onto him.

"But you will."

He slicked up the dildo. "Over my lap, baby."

"Please don't ask me to." There were going to be tears tonight, he could tell.

"Okay, I'm not asking. Over my lap."

Jim whimpered and froze, mouth opening and closing. Marcus helped Jim, moving him.

Oliver's eyes met his, the look proud and sympathetic all at once. He nodded. He knew he needed
to do this. Jim needed to learn to revel in his submission as much as he craved it. Even if he didn't
know what it was he was craving.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 19

They needed to release the shame. This was beautiful in this place.

He pulled the kilt up and exposed Jim's lovely red ass. Jim jerked, tried to roll off his lap. He
grabbed hold of Jim's waist, keeping his lover where he was. "You're doing great, babe."

One of the newer members walked by, made an appreciative sound. Marcus put a possessive hand
over Jim's ass. His.

Jim whimpered and the guy smiled, nodded. "No sharing."

"That's right." Jim was his. No one else was touching his baby.

Jim arched, pushed up toward his hand, shaking hard. He took the plug and pushed it against Jim's
hole. Jim needed something else to focus on. He thought he heard Jim whimper, whisper his name.

"Take it in, baby. You know you want it."

Jim moaned, fingers digging into his calf. He pushed the plug a little, encouraging Jim. His fingers
brushed the dark red skin of that ass and Jim's thighs spread.

"You're doing so well, baby. So well." He tapped the plug in a little farther.

Jim sobbed once, grabbing at him.

"I'm right here, baby. Right here." He stroked Jim's lower back, then Jim arched, body relaxing and
letting him in. "Very good. Take it in." He pushed the plug a bit deeper, then twisted it.

"Please." Jim whimpered and bucked, sweat sheening the muscled ass.

He began to fuck Jim with it, pushing it deep and then pulling it back out again.

"He's so pretty." He heard Jack's whisper.

Marcus nodded. It was. He finally seated the plug, and then he began spanking. Jim went stiff, still,
pulling into himself, withdrawing.

"Count, baby. Just to five."

"O...one." Jim's breath hitched.

"Good, baby. Good." He spanked Jim again.

"Two. Please, Master."

"Just three more."

A Torquere Press Arcana - 20

Jim moaned, but counted off hits three and four.

"One more, baby. I'm so proud of you."

The five was whispered, broken.

Marcus put the kilt back down and drew Jim up into his arms. Jim kept his head down, kept still,
eyes avoiding his.

"Look at me, baby."

Jim shook his head.

He took Jim's cheeks in his hands and turned his face. Jim's cheeks were wet, eyes devastated and
lost and so scared.

"Baby, I'm right here. Right here."

Jim took a deep breath, eyes focusing on him, finally, staring into him. "Master."

He smiled and nodded. "Yes, baby." He brought their mouths together, just breathing into Jim's
mouth.

It took a few breaths, but then he felt it, Jim moaned and relaxed into his embrace. He turned the
breathing into a kiss, gentle and sweet, pouring his love and pride into it. Jim's eyes closed, his
baby letting him in. He slid his hands over his lover's body, one kiss following another and another.

"Master." Jim moaned for him, tongue sliding on his lips.

He moaned softly; he loved the sound of that word from Jim's lips. Jim's hand cupped his cheek,
fingers moving restlessly. He slowly pulled out of the kiss, smiling at his lover. Jim's eyes were still
closed, but the pale terror was gone.

He pressed kisses all over Jim's face. Jim almost - almost - laughed. Smiling, he rubbed their noses
together. "There's my baby."

"Yeah?" Jim's eyes opened.

"Yeah. I'm proud of you."

Jim looked at him, really looked. "Love you."

"Yeah, baby. Me, too." He took a hard kiss, his tongue pushing between Jim's lips, fucking them.

Jim groaned, audibly groaned, the sudden scent of male need hitting his nose. Fuck, he loved how

A Torquere Press Arcana - 21

Jim responded to him. It was sexy, hot. Hit him in his groin and chest. This was his and he was
fucking grateful for it.

The kiss went deeper, got almost wild. He wrapped his hands in Jim's long hair and tugged him
back out of the kiss. "Enough for now, baby."

"Sorry." Jim retreated again, cheeks hot.

"Oh, no. No apologizing for loving on me."

"No?"

"No. Never." He kissed Jim again, reinforcing his words.

Jim's lips were swelling, softening for him. He was going to have to have those wrapped around his
cock before the night was over.

He looked over -- Billy was gathering Montana up, shaking his head. The solid man mouthed, "I
need to go."

Marcus nodded and mouthed back, "Find peace, my friend."

Montana's shoulders were shaking, the lovely sub's control completely shattered. Marcus petted
Jim's back, offering his baby comfort. Oliver was doing much the same thing with the normally
outgoing Jack, stroking and petting, touching.

"I think you should have some juice, baby. Something for your stomach."

"Okay. No coffee, huh?"

Marcus chuckled. "No, baby. Nice try, though."

"It was sort of lame, really."

"You don't really want any right now, anyway, do you?" He was pretty sure most of Jim's wanting
of coffee was habit. Pure habit.

"Not really, no. I want something sweet -- apple juice."

"Apple juice it is." He waved to one of the waiters.

"Thank you." Jim cuddled in, face in his throat.

He cuddled and comforted his lover and nodded his thanks when the apple juice arrived.

"Would you like some?" Jim asked.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 22

"I'd like some from your mouth."

"Master..." Jim didn't look around to see who was watching. "How? Without making a mess?"

"Drink and hold it in your mouth."

Jim fluttered a bit, but he did it, took a sip of the juice. Marcus leaned in and pressed his lips over
Jim's, sealing them tightly together before pushing his tongue between Jim's lips. Sweet, tart, the
juice was amazing and bright as he lapped it out of Jim's mouth. It was in intimate way to drink and
he took his time so they could share the moment. Jim opened for him, staying close, breathing in
time with him.

When he'd had his fill from Jim's mouth he sat back and smiled. "Thank you, baby."

He got a weak, warm smile. He gave Jim another kiss and then handed him the juice to finish. He
watched Jim's throat work, watched his baby drink. Leaning in, he licked at Jim's Adam's apple as
it bobbed.

Jim chuckled, leaned back. "Tickles."

"Does it?" He did it a few more times, almost lashing the knob with his tongue.

Jim's hips tilted, body sliding on his thighs. Groaning, he turned the licks into a sucking kiss. He
could feel Jim's moan in his lips, a sweet vibration. His fingers curled, one hand around Jim's waist,
the other digging into that sweet, reddened ass. Jim's muscles jerked, ass squeezing the plug,
moving against his hands.

"So sexy, baby." He'd say it over and over until Jim believed it.

"I don't want to be."

"Why not?"

"I don't want people to see me, to pay attention."

"Not even me?"

Jim looked at him. "You always pay attention. Always."

He smiled and nodded. "I do. I see you. Always."

Jim nodded to him. "I do, too, you know. I see you."

"Thank you." He kissed his baby.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 23

He eased Jim over his lap again, this time with only a murmur of complaint. This time he grabbed
and lubed up the plug himself. Then he flipped up Jim's kilt up. Jim's hands were like steel bands
around his calf. He slapped Jim's ass a couple of times. Jim jerked, breath hitching, that warm skin
still rosy.

"Beautiful, baby." He began to play with the plug.

"Not..." That muscled body fought him.

"Yes." He pulled the plug out. "You." He shoved the plug back in. "Are."

"Don't." Jim groaned, hips rolling.

"Not your choice." He took the plug out and pushed it back in again. Jim's prick filled at his words.
"That's right, baby. I'm in charge."

Jim tensed, but that cock got harder, Jim wanting this, needing it. He plunged the plug in a few
more times, nudging so he hit Jim's gland.

"Don't. Please. Not here." Jim was beginning to move for him.

"Yes, here." He slowed down his movements, still pushing it in, but letting Jim's own motions do
most of the work

"I... Master."

"Focus, baby. On you, on me." He kept fucking that pretty ass, then midway he switched to the
thicker plug. Jim arched, cried out. "Yeah, that's right, baby. I'm right here with you."

His baby, hard and bare assed across his lap. It was a fucking wet dream.

He kept pushing the plug in and out, twisting it, making Jim writhe. Jim was panting, cock leaking
against him now.

"Do you want to come, baby?"

"I can't here."

His swat was hard, immediate, and Jim jerked. "Fuck!"

"Maybe you'd like to rethink that, baby." And reword it.

"Fuck, this is hard."

A Torquere Press Arcana - 24

"I know, baby. But remember what we said earlier. The hard things are often more than worth the
work."

"I want to go home."

"No, not yet." That wasn't Jim's decision. His baby needed to get used to having people see him, see
what a good sub he was. Admire him.

"Master." He twisted the plug and Jim arched.

"That's right." He fucked Jim with it a few more times and then seated it.

"Five swats this time, baby."

"No. Please, Master. I've done what you asked."

He nodded, and this wasn't a punishment. "Focus and count, baby. And you may come if you need
to." With that he swatted Jim's ass.

"One."

These were almost gentle, meant to sensitize, warm, reward. With the next hit he let his little finger
touch Jim's balls.

"Two." His baby didn't tense, trusting him not to damage.

"Mmm. Yes." He gave Jim his third swat, this time hitting the base of the plug as well as the
beautiful ass.

Jim gasped, hips jerking spasmodically.

"Count, baby?"

"T...th...three."

"Good job, baby. I'm so proud of you." He swatted again.

"Four. I'm a little dizzy."

"You'll be up in a moment, baby." He gave Jim his final swat.

"Five. Five."

"Good, baby. So good." He helped Jim up, cuddled his baby close.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 25

Jim gasped, panting hard. He slid his hands along Jim's spine, spreading kisses over Jim's face. Jim
began to kiss him back, tongue sliding on his lips, tasting him. He cupped Jim's face, deepening the
kisses they shared. Jim moaned, focusing on his mouth.

He let Jim find comfort in their kisses; it eased them both. Jim's tongue slid along his, the caress
slow and gentle. He met Jim's eyes and sank into the sensations of kissing his baby, of looking into
those lovely, bright eyes. He ran his hands up under Jim's kilt, exposed the tight ass, rejoicing a
little when his baby didn't even flinch.

He stroked it, the heat warming his hand. Jim moaned, so softly, breath on his lips.

"Sexy baby." He squeezed one cheek.

Jim's muscles jerked. "I never know what to say to that."

"You say 'Thank you, Master'."

"But that seems... Vain or something."

"It isn't vain to acknowledge compliments from other people."

"Okay. Then thank you."

He chuckled and kissed the corner of Jim's mouth. Jim smiled at him, leaned close.

"It's a lovely evening, isn't it?" He indicated the rest of the club, reminding Jim where they were; he
wanted Jim to be more comfortable in public.

"It's been a hard evening. Is Montana going to be okay?"

"I'm sorry, baby. I was concentrating on us. And yes, Montana will be okay. Billy will help him
mourn his loss and make sure he comes through it."

"Good." Jim's fingers squeezed him, a second. "We should take them food or something. Later. In a
couple of days."

"Yes. Your brownies, hmm?"

"Yeah." Jim shifted a little, sliding on his lap.

"Montana and Billy would like that."

"I never know what to say, when people are upset. I'm not very nice."

"That's not true. If you weren't nice, you wouldn't care what you said."

A Torquere Press Arcana - 26

Jim snorted softly, but Marcus thought the man looked pleased. He squeezed his baby's ass. Jim
jerked, moaned, scooted closer. Marcus was hard and he rolled their groins together, reveling in the
sensations.

"Would you gentlemen like anything else? Dessert? Coffee?"

"You want anything, baby?"

"Is there anything chocolate?"

The waiter nodded. "There's a trio of chocolate desserts."

"Oh, yes. We'll have that. With one fork."

Jim hummed with pleasure and he beamed, stroking the warm little ass. His baby hadn't asked for
coffee. He nuzzled Jim, enjoying the evening, the mood they'd built between them.

Oliver led Jack out to the dance floor, moving the man around easily.

The waiter brought their desserts, and Marcus grabbed the fork and dipped it into a chocolate
mousse cake that looked divine. He held it up to Jim's mouth.

Jim opened up, eagerly licking and eating the cake. "Oh, God. So good."

He brought their mouths together and licked the flavor right out of Jim's mouth. "Mmm. Yes, that's
nice."

Jim's cock jerked, filled under the kilt. "Yes, Master. More?"

"Yes. Let's try this fudge-y type one."

Jim nodded, mouth opening like a baby bird's. Marcus got a nice mouthful on the fork and fed it
slowly into Jim's mouth. Jim's eyes rolled, his baby right in the moment, right there with him. He
nipped at the corner of Jim's mouth, stealing a tiny bite of the dessert. Jim actually pushed against
him, beginning to rock.

Public seduction via dessert.

He slid one hand down beneath Jim's kilt so each rock pushed Jim's ass against his hand, which in
turn jolted the plug.

"Master." Jim was flushed, but the rocking didn't slow.

"Yes, baby." He bit at Jim's lower lip and then fed him a piece of the white chocolate chunk that
made up the third dessert.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 27

"You'd like that one." Jim's eyes adored him.

"Yeah? Was that pistachios in it?"

"Mmmhmm." His baby liked the dark chocolate ones, he could tell.

Marcus snagged a bite of white chocolate for himself and then fed another piece of the dark
chocolate fudge to Jim. This time, Jim licked his fingers clean.

He groaned. "Sweet baby."

Jim smiled, leaned forward to kiss him. He licked his way into Jim's mouth, his hand jostling the
plug aggressively.

"Master." Jim's hands wrapped around his head, his baby kissing him back.

He slid his free hand down under the front of Jim's kilt, teasing that sweet cock. This time there
wasn't a complaint; there was a rough, harsh moan. He worked the plug. He worked Jim's cock. His
tongue fucked Jim's lips.

"I... Please. Master..." Jim was panting, body working the cock.

He nodded. "You can come, baby."

"I need more. Please."

He pulled the end of the plug out and pushed it back in.

Hard.

Come sprayed over his hand, Jim arching against him.

"Mmm, baby." He loved that smell, and the look on Jim's face as he came. There was nothing like
it.

"Master." Jim whispered the word like it was a prayer.

"That's right, baby. Your master."

"Yes." Jim's head rolled a bit.

He rolled his hips, reminding Jim that he was still hard.

"You're hard." Jim smiled. "If we were home, I'd ask you for my reward. I've been good."

A Torquere Press Arcana - 28

He raised an eyebrow. "You've been very good, and you may have your reward now."

"Here?" Jim looked terrified.

He took Jim's cheeks between his hands and pressed their faces together. "I'd like that very much,
baby."

The panic was right there, right under the surface, but Jim stayed close. "I want to. I don't know if I
can, but I want to."

Not a 'can't' in sight. "Very good, baby." He gave Jim a long, hard kiss. "On your knees for your
reward."

"I... I'm going to freak out." No. No, he didn't think so. Jim was solid and there and coping.

"No, you'll drop to your knees, and you'll take your reward. Once you have my prick in your
mouth, everything else will fade away."

"Do you swear it? You promise?"

"I know you trust me, baby. And I know that you can do this. I swear it." He could see in Jim's
eyes, in the lines of his body, that he could do this.

"I love you. I'm scared."

"I love you, too, and I know you can do this even though you're scared. You have a core of strength
in you, baby."

He eased Jim down, stroking the soft hair.

"Go on, baby. It's all yours." He didn't take his prick out -- that was part of Jim's reward.

Jim was shaking violently, muscles rippling and jerking under his hands. This was the time, though.
Oliver and Jack were on the dance floor, it wasn't busy, and no one was paying them the slightest
attention.

His jeans were popped open, and Jim fumbled with the zipper.

"You've got it, baby. You know what you want. Take it."

"It'll be okay. You swear." Jim's breath was coming quick and light.

"I do, baby." He petted Jim's cheek, smiled down at his beautiful lover.

Jim fished his prick out, palms sweaty, his baby so stressed out.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 29

"That's it, baby. There you are. Take it in your mouth."

"Love you. I'd only do this for you."

"You'd better never do this for anyone else." He was growling, but he couldn't help it. "I will never
share you. Not ever."

"Tell me again, please?" Jim's lips opened, his cock drawn into that wet heat.

Groaning, he nodded and fisted his hand into Jim's hair, holding on. "You're mine. Mine. No one
else can have you."

Jim's moan was sweet, the suction sweeter, encouraging him to talk.

"So good, baby. You make me need. Hard." His voice was low, the words growling out of him.

Jim hummed, eyes dropping closed, his baby focusing. God, Jim loved to suck cock. Marcus was a
lucky bastard. He spread his legs and pushed his hips a little forward on his chair, giving Jim a
better angle.

"Don't stop, baby." Jim moaned around him, tongue sliding on his shaft, the sensation enough to
send him into orbit. "Fuck! That's it, baby. God."

The tension in the muscled shoulders was gone, and Jim was right there, focused and quiet and so
fucking hungry. He was reduced to murmuring "baby" over and over again, his hips beginning to
pump, to push his cock deeper into Jim's mouth.

Oliver and Jack came back to the table, slid into their chairs. He didn't even give them a nod, Jim
too good at this; he was incoherent now.

Jim's fingers stroked his balls, easing him over the edge.

"Baby!" He cried out, pushing deep as he came.

Jim took every drop, licking him clean. He rained praise down on Jim, stroking the lovely hair and
enjoying his baby's mouth.

Oliver chuckled. "You look debauched."

He grinned, feeling great. "I am." Jim's cleaning of his cock never slowed. He stroked Jim's hair.
"I'm so proud of you, baby." He could feel Jim's cheek heat against his thigh. "It's true. You make
my heart swell." He winked at Jim. "Among other things."

"I think I need to go home, Master. Please."

A Torquere Press Arcana - 30

He was so pleased Jim asked calmly, politely. "Yes, I think it's time."

Jim kissed his thigh and helped him button up.

When he was all put away, he tilted Jim's chin up. "So beautiful."

"Thank you, Master."

He smiled and nodded. "Very good."

Helping Jim to his feet, he stood as well, putting his baby's hand on his arm.

"Good night Oliver, Jack." Jim's words were soft.

"Yes, goodnight, my old friend, Jack."

Patting Jim's hand, he led his baby from the club.

***

He slept.

He didn't dream.

He didn't have to; Jim just needed to breathe and rest and let his master hold on.

Marcus' hand slid along his back and patted his ass. "Shh. Shh."

He nodded, stayed close, where he was safe and happy.

"Mmm..." Marcus was pretty much still asleep, but his master's focus was still on him, that hand
rubbing his ass in slow circles.

He wasn't ready to be awake, to deal with the world, and he didn't have to. His master took one
breath after another, long and slow; it lulled him, kept him in that peaceful place. Jim ended up
dozing again, curled in close.

He was woken with a kiss, Marcus' mouth closed over his. Jim moaned, opening lips and eyes.
Marcus' eyes met his, warm and loving. His master's tongue pushed right into his mouth and fucked
his lips. Jim couldn't help his smile. He simply couldn't.

"Mmm, morning, baby." The words were accompanied by a lazy smack to his ass.

"M...morning." His toes curled and he jerked.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 31

Marcus groaned and smacked his ass again.

He whimpered, the heavy plug spreading him wide and shifting inside him. "Master."

"Right here, baby." Another swat landed on his ass, and then another; it was the way they started
every morning, his ass starting the day off rosy red.

Slowly they shifted until Marcus was sitting up and he was draped over Marcus' thighs.

"I'm so proud of you," Marcus told him as he spanked.

"Why?" He moaned, stretched out, the rhythm familiar and right.

"Last night. You were wonderful."

"I tried to do my best."

"Your best was very good." The hits kept coming, warming his ass.

"Thank you. It's so good. This. Us."

"Yes. Yes." Marcus pulled out the plug and then pushed it back in again before starting to spank
him again.

"Master." His cock leaked, dripped on Marcus' leg.

"No coming, baby. Not yet."

"Not yet." He nodded, panting hard.

"Good, baby." Marcus' other hand slid beneath his chest, tweaked his left nipple ring.

"That's cheating."

"No, it's enhancing."

"Enhancing." He chuckled, tickled, deep down.

"Yes." Marcus tweaked it again and then went back to spanking.

The burn morphed into pain, which left him twisting and gasping, but he rode it out, searching
frantically for the peace that he knew was on the other side.

"I've got you, baby."

A Torquere Press Arcana - 32

"I know. I know. I'm yours."

"That's right. Mine. Mine." The words were accompanied by harder smacks, Marcus really giving it
to him.

His breath caught and he started shake. "Master..."

"I still have you, baby."

"Help me."

Marcus tweaked the other nipple ring again.

"What do you want me to do?"

"You're allowed to come."

He nodded, actually chuckled a little. "I know. I'm trying."

"Oh, baby, I do love you."

"I love you. It's not bad; I'm not fighting you."

"I know." Marcus' hand came down harder and harder, snapping across his flesh.

"It hurts... Please, Master." It was too much.

Marcus' fingers pulled at the base of the plug, dragged it out of him.

"Master!" His hips started jerking violently.

Three of Marcus' fingers pushed into him.

Oh, yes. Yes.

They hit his gland, over and over. Each push came with a growl, Marcus claiming him.

"More. More, please, Master."

Marcus pulled the long legs out from under him and then suddenly he was being filled, the thick
cock pushing into him, spreading him open. His happy cry filled the air, just as Marcus filled him.
His master pounded into him, the pace hard and fast. Jim let himself go, let the pure pleasure send
him over the edge.

"Fuck, yes! So tight." Marcus kept moving through his orgasm.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 33

He squeezed, trying to give Marcus more pleasure.

"Baby!" Marcus shouted and then came, cock pulsing and filling Jim's ass.

He knew that the plug would come next, then their day would start.

Marcus lay on top of him, letting him feel his master's weight. "I love you, baby."

"I know." He smiled, squeezed Marcus' hand.

Nibbling kisses moved over the back of his neck. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Happy."

"Mmm. Then I'm happy, too."

"Good."

Jim arched, tucking his sore, hot ass against his master's body.

Just where he belonged.

***

"Oooh! Brownies!" Jack kissed his cheek, bouncing madly. "You so rock. Tanny, you want one?"

Jim watched Jack bounce around like a jackrabbit on meth. Tanny looked over with dull, quiet
eyes, and just shook his head.

Sometimes he thought Jack had the energy of twelve people.

Marcus' hand slid softly down his spine to rest for a moment against his ass. Then his master gave
his ass a pat, the support quiet, but sure, there. He leaned into Marcus, sighed happily. The movie
had been fun, and he didn't mind having dessert, but he would be happy to get home.

Marcus took his hand and led him to the couch. They sat next to Billy and Tanny, the muscular
dom holding Tanny tight. Jim smiled over at Tanny, but he didn't get any response. At all. He
sighed and looked at Marcus, who looked at Billy.

Billy stroked Tanny's arm and shook his head. "It's hit him hard."

"I'm sorry." What else did you say to something like that?

"What can we do to help?" Marcus asked.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 34

"I have an idea or two, actually." Billy looked at Tanny.

Tanny looked back, but only for a second.

"Go on," murmured Marcus.

"I thought perhaps it would be helpful if Jim and Montana were to work in tandem."

Jim looked at Marcus, confused.

"In tandem?" Marcus asked.

"I mean side by side. Simple sub work. Basics. Montana's having trouble finding a quiet place to
be. Perhaps with someone else in their space next to him. We could work them together."

Jim wasn't sure he could do it, but if Tanny needed help, he'd try to... try.

Marcus looked at him and nodded, no doubt reading it in his face. "When?"

Billy smiled at them both. "I'd like to start now."

"Baby?"

"If it helps Tanny." Jim nodded.

Tanny never even moved. It was unnerving, to say the least.

"Then it would be our pleasure, Billy."

"Thank you." Billy gave them both a smile and then nodded. "Side by side, kneel, please. Hands
behind your backs."

He looked to Marcus, not exactly sure what he was supposed to do. Tanny sat, staring. Jim wasn't
even sure he was hearing them.

Marcus patted his ass. "Go on, baby. Kneel in front of us, hands behind your back."

"Okay. Sure." His knees were a little shaky, but he made it, kneeling in front of his master.

Marcus petted his hair and made an appreciative noise.

"Montana." Billy's voice was sharp.

Tanny blinked, looked over at Billy. "What?"

A Torquere Press Arcana - 35

Billy reached out and stroked Tanny's cheek before nodded toward where Jim knelt. "Kneel next to
Jim, hands behind your back, love."

Montana sighed, leaned into Billy's touch. He moved, knelt down, and it was all Jim could do, not
to pull away. Somehow, some way, Tanny felt like a... a... dead thing.

It was Marcus who continued with the exercise. "All right. Both of you need to find a place
together. Breath in and out, sink into the quiet, but together."

He looked to Marcus, just a little panicked. He breathed in, though, trying. Montana sat, but it
didn't feel like they were together. Not at all. In fact, they felt a million miles apart.

Jack came bouncing in with a tray in his hands. "Who wants coffee and brownies? Oh."

Montana looked over at Jack, face blank. "Hey, Jack."

Marcus raised an eyebrow and looked over at Billy. "This isn't working."

Billy shook his head. "No. Nothing is." Billy patted the couch beside him. "Come here, love."

"I'm sorry." Jim ducked his head and sighed.

Montana looked toward him, looked at him. "This isn't your fault. It isn't about you, huh? You're
cool."

"We'd all like to help you, though, Tanny. Help you get through this." Marcus held an arm out to
Jim.

"No one can." Tanny stood up. "I have to hit the head."

"Five minutes or I come and get you," Billy warned.

Jack hovered, looking stricken and nervous.

Jim pushed in close to his lover, leaning in. "Did you want a brownie, Master?"

"I think I do. We could share one with a glass of milk."

"Mmm. That sounds lovely. Is there milk, Jack? I'd go get it."

Jack looked over at him. "You don't want coffee, Jim?"

He shook his head. "Not today, thank you. We'd like milk." He'd had his coffee this morning. He
had his center, his master. He could feel Marcus beaming at him.

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"I'll get it for you. If you're sure." Jack was pouting.

Oliver popped Jack's ass. "You're a better host than that."

"Sorry. Sorry, guys. I just..."

"It's okay. Really. I'm sure."

Oliver shook his head once Jack was gone back to the kitchen. "I'm sorry. He's been pushing
lately."

"It's hard, having Tanny be off. He's who I look up to." Jim leaned into Marcus' heat. "And
sometimes I think we have to push, so that we know you're there to push back."

"Always, baby. And I know when you're pushing, and when you're just plain freaking out." Marcus
winked at him.

"So what are you going to do to help Tanny?"

Billy shook his head. "I was trying to be patient, empathetic. Maybe what I need to do is make sure
he knows he can still push, that I'm still here to push back."

Jim sighed, but nodded. "He's... It's as if he's hiding." Jim knew about that.

"Ah. Then I definitely need to stop being patient." Billy chuckled, though the sound wasn't amused.
"He's very good at hiding, but it's been a long time since he's had a need to."

"I do know that you can't heal like that; you just rot." He'd experienced that, first hand.

Billy nodded. "That's very true. I should have remembered, given the things Montana was hiding
when we first met. Thank you, Jim. I appreciate the reminder."

He nodded, then found a smile for Jack when his friend brought the milk. "Oh, thanks! Do you
want to go outside after? Dance?"

Billy answered before Jack could. "Actually, Tanny needs a spanking before we go on."

He winced; he couldn't help it. Poor Tanny. Marcus' arm came around his shoulders, tugging him
into his master's side.

Jim settled, offered Marcus the milk. "You don't like it when it's warm."

Marcus took the glass from him and nodded at the brownie. "Feed me a bite of your magic
brownies, baby."

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"Anytime." He offered a bite to Marcus, letting his lover nibble away.

"Mmm. Almost as good as nibbling you."

"Flatterer. Should I go check on Tanny?"

Billy glanced at his watch and nodded. "If you wouldn't mind, Jim, thank you."

"I don't."

He headed for the guest bath, but the light was off, the door closed. He knocked anyway. "Tanny?
Are you okay?"

He frowned, knocked harder. "Tanny? Are you in there?"

Billy came down the hall. "He's not answering?"

"Not yet, and the light is off." He knocked again. "Tanny? You're scaring me."

Billy put a hand on his shoulder, squeezed it. "Montana? We're coming in!" He said it really loudly.

He nodded and Billy turned the knob, which opened easily. Tanny was standing at the bathroom
window, tears sliding down his cheeks, earphones in and his iPhone just barely audible.

"Oh, thank God."

"Yes." Billy squeezed his shoulder again and then went to Tanny, hand going to the small of
Tanny's back.

Jim let them have their privacy. His master -- his home -- was waiting for him, and Billy was going
to make things all right for Tanny.

Marcus held out his arms as soon as he was back in the living room, his place on the couch next to
his master waiting for him.

"Is he okay?" Jack asked, eyes huge.

"He's just... he needs Billy. He needs Billy a lot."

"Billy will sort him out. Some things take time."

Billy and Tanny came down the hall, Billy looking somber, Tanny not looking at them at all. "I'm
sorry, my friends, but I need to take Montana home."

Everyone nodded, and Jim squeezed Marcus' hand.

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Marcus squeezed back and they all watched quietly as Billy led Tanny out, Oliver going with them.

"He'll be all right. Billy will take care of him." Marcus said the words quietly.

"I know."

***

They got home from Ollie and Jack's and Marcus gave Jim's bottom a little pinch. "I'm proud of
you, baby."

Jim looked back at him, confused. "What?"

"Jack asked you twice if you wanted coffee and you calmly, politely, turned him down."

"You were there, I was happy, I didn't need coffee."

He chuckled. "You mean it wasn't a real test, then?"

"I just mean maybe I needed you, not the coffee."

He beamed at Jim and brought his baby in for a kiss. "I'm still proud of you. And I'm glad you
needed me instead of the coffee."

"Is Tanny going to be okay?"

"Bill's helped him through a lot of things, I'm sure they'll figure this out as well."

"He's just so sad."

And his baby worried about making friends.

"Someone important to him died. He has to be sad. He has to let it out, though, before he can let it
go."

"Yeah, he does. He has to let himself feel things."

Marcus led Jim to the living room. "Couch? Shower? Bed?"

"Let's sit together, watch a movie?"

"Yes, I'd like that. You make the popcorn and drinks and I'll get the movie set up."

Jim leaned up, kissed him softly. "Excellent."

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On his way to the kitchen, Jim shrugged off his shirt and hung it by the door, exposing that
beautiful ink. Marcus licked his lips, enjoying the view as long as he had it. Then he went over and
found Transformers. Mindless fun so he could play with his baby and neither of them would mind
if they wound up missing movie.

He set it up and shrugged out of his clothes. He put a soft blanket on the couch and sat, a second
blanket at the ready for once Jim joined him. He could smell the popcorn, the root beer. Jim was
whistling, settled, happy.

Grinning, he got the movie cued up to the start and then he just sat back and enjoyed hearing Jim's
good mood.

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Part Two

Billy led Montana into the house, more than a little worried about his lover. He knew Montana had
a bad habit of hiding from the things that bothered him. Hell, he'd been doing it with drugs when
they'd first met. It had been awhile, though, since something this big had entered their lives, and he
tried not to kick himself for not noticing sooner that Montana was repeating his pattern of
withdrawal.

"Bedroom," he said softly before adding a sterner, "Now."

Montana walked toward the bedroom like a zombie. Billy made sure the door was locked, grabbed
a couple of bottles of water from the fridge, and followed. Through the bedroom, into the
bathroom, right to the medicine cabinet for another set of Tylenol.

He shook his head. Enough was enough; it was time to bring his Montana back from the black hole
he was digging himself.

"Let's get naked, love."

"Okay." Montana stripped off, then frowned at the clock. "It's early."

"We're not going to sleep." He was going to cuff Montana's hands with the heavy leather cuffs and
tan that beautiful ass until it was a deep, dark red.

Montana slid into the bed, curled around his pillow.

Billy stripped quickly and grabbed the cuffs. He nearly picked up a paddle, but decided that this
called for the intimacy they could only get if he used his hand. His lover looked small, distant, eyes
closed and almost bruised.

He turned Montana over onto his back and placed the cuffs on the slender belly. "You can make as
much noise as you want." Sometimes he ordered silence when they did this. Not today -- today
Montana would be encouraged to let everything out.

Montana looked at the cuffs, then closed his eyes. "I don't want this."

"Maybe not, but it's what you need." He took the first cuff and wrapped the heavy leather around
Montana's wrist.

"I need to be left alone." Montana tucked his other hand behind him.

Billy snorted. "We've tried that."

He patiently took Montana's other hand and wrapped the cuff around it. Then he attached the cuffs
together.

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"Leave me alone."

"No." He rolled Montana over onto his belly and landed his first swat.

"Leave me the fuck alone."

"No." As he said the word a second time, he landed his second swat.

Montana stopped talking, closed his eyes. Billy took a moment to sit properly on the bed and tug
Montana over onto his lap. Then he began to swat his lover in earnest. Montana didn't respond,
didn't move, for the longest time. Long enough to scare him a little, honestly. His hand was
burning; it stung every time he hit Montana's ass and his arm was sore.

"Leave me alone, you bastard." The words were sharp, vicious.

He closed his eyes and made himself go on. "I can't." He wouldn't. Montana needed to face this to
get past it.

"I fucking hate this. I want out. If you don't let me go I'm leaving."

He shook his head. No, Montana needed this.

"Motherfucker. Bastard." Montana's voice cracked on the words.

There. They were starting to get to Montana's emotions. He ignored the stinging in his hand and
increased his swats. Montana's ass was a dark red.

"Fuck you!" The sudden scream was loud, shocking.

His hand stuttered a moment, but he made himself go on. He couldn't take it personally -- Montana
needed to vent, to let out his anger and his sadness. Margaret herself would have cheered him on.
The thought of her brought tears to his eyes, but he blinked them back -- Montana needed him to be
strong.

"Let me go. Let me go, you asshole! I'm trying so hard, and you don't even see. You don't care!"

"I see you every second of every day." He moved to the tops of Montana's thighs, that poor ass so
red.

"You lie. You don't. You don't see how hard I'm trying."

"I see you drowning. I do."

"Then why didn't you help me?"

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"I am helping you." God, Montana was breaking his heart.

Montana shook his head, jerking and trying to pull away. "Please stop. Please don't, Billy."

"Let go, lover." Please.

"You're hurting me. I can't do this anymore. I can't remember how."

"You just do it. You let go. Let go, Montana. Let go."

"I can't! I can't!" Montana screamed, then another flood of curses came, violent and brutal and raw.

Silent tears flowed down Billy's face, but he kept going, kept pushing Montana harder and harder.

Finally, the safe word came, croaked out. Stopping, immediately, he gathered Montana up into his
arms. He pressed Montana's face into his shoulder and rocked them together.

"Don't hurt me. Don't. Please. Please, don't do this anymore. Don't hurt me. Don't leave me."

"I have you, Montana and I'm not going anywhere." He rocked and he rocked, holding Montana
tightly to him.

The shaking and tears went on, then faded into sniffles and sighs, Montana melting against him. He
finally lay down on the bed, Montana held close on top of him. He didn't let go; he wouldn't, not
ever.

For the first time in days, Montana didn't wake up, didn't shift away. His love rested on him,
sleeping hard.

Billy let his own tears fall until he was empty, and then he pulled the blankets up over them both
and slept with his lover.

***

Every time he opened his eyes, his head screamed at him, so he closed them again. Billy's heart
beat under his ear, strong and comforting, and he was warm and comfortable.

Finally, one time when he woke up, Billy was awake, too, and a bottle of water was pressed against
his lips. "Drink, love."

He opened, drinking deep. Oh. Oh, good. So good.

Billy's free hand stroked over his head, fingers digging in a little and easing some of the pain in his
head. He let himself moan, let himself feel that, just for a second.

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"That feel good?" Billy's fingers dug in harder, massaging.

"Uh-huh." He let his eyes crack open. "Am I in trouble?"

"Why would you be in trouble?"

"I don't know." Honestly, these days, Tanny wasn't sure he knew anything.

"You're not in trouble, love. In fact I think we took a big step yesterday."

"Okay." He closed his eyes again. He didn't have to go back to work until Monday. Maybe he'd just
sleep.

"But you're not allowed hiding anymore."

"Huh?" He didn't open his eyes.

"No more hiding, love. It's time to face what happened, to mourn Margaret and continue with your
life."

"I am mourning."

"You're not mourning, you're hiding away from the pain, from life." Billy tilted his head and looked
into his eyes. "She wouldn't want that, love."

"I don't want to talk about all this right now."

"No, you never do. You just want to push it down and push it down and eventually it's going to eat
you to pieces inside."

He nodded. He knew that. He was fighting now, everyday, not to go get high. Every fucking day he
was fighting like his life was at stake.

"You have to face it, but you don't have to face it alone."

"I have... I have a lot of shit." Inside. Hurting.

"Then let it out."

"I don't want to. If it hurts inside, it'll be worse."

"You can't start to heal until you face it, love." Billy's hands slid over his skin in gentle touches.

"Face what? She's dead. She was my friend."

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"And it hurts. You need to let yourself grieve."

He sighed. "You're always asking me to do shit I'm too stupid to do."

Billy growled at him. "First of all, you are not stupid. Second of all, no one is too stupid to grieve."

"No? Then how come you think I'm doing it wrong?"

Billy sighed. "You're not doing it wrong, you just... you need to let it out instead of holding it
inside."

"What? You want me to whine and bitch?"

"Yes."

He blinked over, stared. "What?"

"I want you to tell me how you feel. I want you to rage about how it isn't fair. I want you to tell me
how you'll miss her. I want you to tell me all the things you want to remember about her."

"I miss her already. I mean, I'm glad, too, because she hurt so bad and I hated that, but I miss her."
And he was selfish and awful and scared. The bookbinding business was his now.

"I miss her, too. I can't believe whenever I go to pick you up, she won't be there."

He sat up, wincing at the ache in his ass. He didn't want to think about that.

Billy reached out and grabbed him, tugging him close. "What else, love?"

"I don't want to talk anymore. I'm tired."

"You just woke up. Talk."

"I don't want to." He turned around, stared at Billy. "Let it be. If I keep talking, I'm going to say
something bad and it'll get ugly and I'm TIRED."

"If you don't talk, you'll eat yourself up inside."

He didn't know what to say to that. He just didn't. Billy kissed the top of his head and held him
tight. The cuffs were still on his wrists, heavy, weighing him down.

"I don't want to talk. I want to..." Use. He wanted to get so high he lost control.

"Get high? Because you know I can take care of that."

A Torquere Press Arcana - 45

He jerked, looked at Billy in shock. "You know? I haven't. I haven't done it, Billy. I swear to you. It
hurts and I want to so bad and I haven't."

"Of course I know. Do you remember when we met and the things you were getting high to ignore?
I taught you a new way to get high." Billy rolled him onto his back, pushing his cuffed hands over
his head. "We still have it."

"I can't. I don't know if it'll work. I'm not horny. I'm mad." Billy wasn't listening to him.

"It's not about being horny. It's about using the tools at your disposal to feel better."

"You are not listening to me. You want me to talk, but you don't want to hear."

"I'm listening -- you keep telling me that you don't want to talk."

"Just let me up." He was so frustrated, and more than a little wigged out.

"No. I'm not letting you run away."

"I want up!" He frowned, trying to decide what he wanted, how he wanted this to play out.

"No, I don't think so." Billy stared down at him.

"I. Want. Up." He let himself be mad, be furious. His good friend died, and Billy was bothering
him.

"No."

"Now." He tried to jerk himself upright.

"No." Billy's mouth covered his. It wasn't quite a kiss, more Billy's breath filling him.

His eyes rolled, the sudden rush of pure fury shocking him. Billy didn't move, stayed right there.
Montana started fighting, starting jerking and screaming. That felt so good, he did it again. Billy
kept holding him down, kept looking right at him.

"Let me go!" He threw his head back, arched and kicked his feet.

"No." Billy didn't ignore him, but his lover didn't let him go.

"You let me go. I'm going to go out. I'm going to get so fucked up that I can't remember anything,
so that I'm not scared. I'm going to be so high no one will love me!"

"I will always love you. You. Are. Mine."

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"I'm nasty! I like being high! I want it, even after so long!"

"You always will. But you want this more." Billy sounded so fucking sure.

"I hate it! I suck! I'm so fucking scared and I'm selfish and I want to run away."

"You're right here and you're not going anywhere."

"I will if you let me go!" He shouted the words.

"No, I won't. I'll never let you go."

He screamed again, this time the sound felt good, tearing out of him.

"Louder," was all Billy said.

Tanny screamed as loud as he could, over and over and over again. Billy held him and watched him
and didn't let go, no matter how loud he screamed. Finally the sounds faded, his throat raw, his
lungs burning. Billy rolled away and then drew him close, a new bottle of water pressed to his lips.
He drank before he could talk himself into pushing the water bottle away.

"There you go. No talking for a bit -- your throat must be sore."

He nodded, groaned. "It hurts."

"Shh, then. Let me just hold you." Billy pressed soft kisses over his face.

Tanny nodded, closed his eyes. No talking, resting. It was what he'd wanted, from the beginning.

***

Billy held Montana as they lay quietly together. It had been a good start, Montana letting out his
anger and upset. Much better than pushing the emotions away as Montana had a habit of doing.
He'd make tomato soup later, and grilled cheese sandwiches. Comfort food.

The phone rang, but he ignored it, let the machine pick up; Montana was more important than
whoever was on the phone. Montana sighed, looked up at him. Those poor eyes looked bruised and
swollen.

"How's your throat?" He stroked it gently as he asked, thumb stroking over Montana's Adam's
apple.

"It..." Montana's voice sounded like a crow's. "Hurts."

"My poor love. I bet the pressure inside you has eased a little, though."

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Montana needed so badly to let everything out.

He got a nod, a half-smile. "A little."

"Good. I don't want your head exploding."

Montana almost chuckled, head resting on his shoulder.

"You think you could eat?" Montana had hardly eaten anything since they'd found out about
Margaret. He was losing weight, starting to look like he had when they'd first met.

"Tomato soup?"

The gentle, quiet request made him want to yell in victory. Yes. Yes, Montana was looking for
comfort, looking for things that were theirs.

"I was thinking the same thing myself. Let's put on our robes and go to the kitchen."

Montana nodded, held out his cuffed hands.

"I think we'll leave those on." He helped Montana up and grabbed their robes. Thick and soft, they
were a comfort, too, as was the weight of the cuffs, though Montana was probably not in the mood
to admit that just now.

He settled the robe around Montana's shoulders, then shrugged his own on. He stopped to stroke
Montana's cheek, to give his lover a light kiss. Then he looped his arm around Montana's shoulders
and walked with his lover out into the kitchen.

"It seems like..." Montana cleared his throat, shook his head and headed for the fridge.

He figured Montana was getting some more water, so he let his lover do that as he began to get
things together to heat up the soup. A glass of juice was brought over, placed near him on the
counter.

"Oh, that should soothe your throat."

"It's for you."

"Thank you, love. Now pour yourself one."

Montana looked over and Billy could see it, the flash of need, of awareness that had been missing.
"Make me." Those two words were a soft plea.

He raised an eyebrow. "Do it."

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"No." Montana stared at him, right there, awake and aware and focused.

Billy could smell the electricity in the air. He took a step toward Montana. "Don't make me come
over there."

That pointed chin lifted and Montana stepped closer. He took another step, too, holding Montana's
gaze. He could see the pulse in Montana's throat, see that pretty bound cock getting harder.

"I'm going to spank that pretty ass of yours if you don't get yourself a juice."

"I won't let you." Montana licked his lips.

Billy snorted. "You won't have a choice."

"I always have a choice."

"Sure you do. You can get the juice, or you can get spanked."

"And then what?"

"And then we have our tomato soup."

Montana smiled. "I love you. Really."

He smiled back and leaned in to give Montana a kiss. "I know. Me, too."

"I need you to be my Sir. I need it for a few days before I have to go back or I'll be in real trouble."

"I am now and always will be your Sir. Now get yourself a glass of juice and let me make the
soup."

Montana nodded, kissed his chin.

His baby was beginning to heal.

He approved.

***

For two days, Billy kept Montana deep in his sub space. It felt good, working through Montana's
pain and seeing his lover healing. It wasn't a magic pill, Montana wasn't all better now, but he
wasn't dying inside anymore, either.

Billy grabbed the grapes and the water, taking it into the bedroom.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 49

When he saw his lover on the bed, he hummed. Montana was on the bed, head and shoulders on a
pillow, as up in the air. His hands were cuffed behind him, his ass filled by a huge plug.

Gorgeous.

Montana hadn't been allowed to come, and the pretty ass was a lovely, dark rose color.

Billy moved to the bed, leaving the tray on the little side table. "Hey, love." His fingers slid over
Montana's back, tracing the scars he knew by heart.

"Sir." Montana's voice was still hoarse, raw.

He pressed a kiss to the top of Montana's head. "I have some grapes, water."

"Thank you." Montana sighed, but the sound was one of peace, quiet.

He slid his hand over Montana's ass, loving the heat of it.

"It aches." It wasn't a complaint.

"It's beautiful." He placed a kiss on one cheek, and then the other. "You're beautiful."

"I'm yours."

"That you are. Through and through." He shifted Montana, turning him and putting a couple of
pillows behind his shoulders.

The pretty, caged cock had been shaved, the soft, bare skin above carrying two tiny stripes from a
flogger. He reached over, fingers stroking and playing with the sensitive skin. Montana groaned,
legs spreading, moving on the sheets. He bent to touch that skin with his lips, his tongue. So hot
and warm, and it tasted musky, male; it tasted like Montana.

"Sir..." Montana's groan became a soft whimper, his lover arching up toward him.

"Right here." He touched his tongue to Montana's cock through the cage he wore.

"Fuck."

He slapped the side of Montana's thigh at the single curse word, his lover bucking.

"Grapes," he said softly. He pushed one between Montana's lips.

"Mmm." Montana's eyes went heavy-lidded.

Chuckling, he fed his lover another one. He'd managed to get meals into Montana, one little bit at a

A Torquere Press Arcana - 50

time. He was going to work Montana through every second of this, not make the mistake of letting
the man begin to drown again. After a half dozen grapes, he held the juice up to Montana's mouth.
Montana drank deep, throat working.

He stroked Montana's cheek, making sure his lover knew he was right there. The contact was
important, was part of the process. Montana was finally leaning into the touches, asking for them.
He bent over Montana and kissed him, tongue slipping in to taste the juice on his lover's skin.

"Love." The word was breathed into him.

"Yes." Billy drew back slowly and rubbed their noses together.

He grabbed one of the grapes and began rolling it back and forth across Montana's ringed nipple.

Montana blinked, stared. "What are you doing?"

"Playing with my food." He gave Montana a wink and then leaned in and ate the grape off
Montana's skin, making sure to wrapped Montana's nipple, cooled by the grape, in the heat of his
mouth.

Montana's laughter tasted better than the grape. He was going to have to try this again -- only with
frozen grapes next time. He gave Montana's nipple a last flick and then moved to take the other one
into his mouth. The flesh was heated, the barbell solid against his tongue. He tugged on it.

Montana arched.

He reached down, fingers playing with the smooth skin around Montana's caged cock.

"Billy... Sir. Fuck."

He tutted and bit down on Montana's nipple.

"Ow!"

Chuckling, he licked away the hurt.

"Laughing at me..."

"With you," he corrected.

Montana grinned, fingers trying to reach for him, touch him.

"No touchy-touchy." That's what the cuffs were all about. That's what the last few days had been all
about. The focus was on Montana -- there was nowhere to hide, not even in his pleasure.

"Why not?"

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"Because we're focusing on you."

"I don't want to, you know? I want to focus on you."

"I know you don't want to. This is one of the reasons why we're doing it."

Montana sighed, leaned toward him. His fingers returned to Montana's cock and touched it through
the cage. Metal and smooth, hot skin. It was addictive.

"It aches."

"It's beautiful. Like you."

"It's building up again. Will it stop soon?" They'd struggled through tears, through anger, through
wave after wave of emotion.

"It's taking longer between bouts -- I think that'll happen more than it stopping -- more time will
pass between each storm."

"I don't want to do this."

"You don't have a choice." Not in this.

"Why not?" His curious, clever boy.

"Because you can't change what happened, and you have to deal with it. I'm not letting you drown
under this. You're too important."

"I'm not smart enough to deal with it."

"This isn't about smarts, it's about living with the pain of losing the people you love. And you're not
doing it alone."

"I did deal." He listened to Montana's heart pounding. "Can we take a bath?"

"You've started dealing, there's more to come. And yes. We can. The cage stays on, though." His
fingers went back to touching the pretty cock in its cage.

"I don't care about that. I just want to move. I want to get clean. I'm sweaty." And beginning to
snarl.

"I care about that. I care about you. And watch your tone."

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to get you pissed." Montana met his eyes, serious. "It's not that, you get it,

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right? I mean, I play with you and we have our thing and it's hot but that's not this and you
understand that, right?"

"I know, love. I know." He pressed kisses over Montana's face.

"I'm angry at her for going before I was ready." Montana was still looking at him. "And that makes
me a shitty person, and I'm so sorry."

"No." He shook his head. "No, love, that doesn't make you a shitty person -- it makes you human."

"She was hurting and she was ready and I should be glad."

"You can be glad for her and pissed off and upset for yourself."

Montana shook his head. "I haven't been able to. I can't figure that out."

"Maybe your anger and pain are too strong still." He stroked Montana's skin, touching him
everywhere.

Montana sighed. "Can I have a bath? Please?"

"Yes, my love. We can have a bath." He stood and drew Montana up off the bed.

"Thank you." Montana stood, swaying. "I feel dirty."

"We'll get all cleaned up." He grabbed Montana and picked him up, carrying him to the bathroom.

"All clean. That sounds good." It meant something, that Montana didn't fight him.

He put Montana down on the toilet and went to start the water. He put some oil in the water.

"I haven't gotten high. I wanted to. I wanted to so bad and I didn't."

"I know you did. I could feel it." Once he had the temperature where he wanted it, he picked
Montana up again and then gently placed him in the tub.

"I wanted to. I didn't for you, because I swore to you."

"Thank you, love. That means so much to me."

Montana's dark eyes searched his, then his lover nodded, began to relax. He climbed into the water
with Montana, sitting behind his lover, so Montana could lean against him.

"Tell me it gets better."

"It gets better, love. I swear it to you."

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"I'm trying to believe you."

"You don't have to believe me; you just have to trust me." He poured water over Montana's
shoulders as the tub continued to fill.

"I do. With all of me."

"Then we'll get through it."

He turned the water off and continued to slosh it around, keeping Montana's skin wet and warm.
Montana leaned back, legs floating at, toes above the water. He stroked his hands over Montana's
chest, the oil in the water making it easy and smooth. Montana relaxed, breathing deep and slow
again. He kept his hands moving, finding Montana's sweet spots, lingering where the flesh had been
bared.

This time the rage had been small, short-lived, the peace coming faster. Already, it was getting
easier, Montana was healing, even if he couldn't see it himself.

He'd made arrangements to turn a couple of assignments in a little late, so that he could spend this
entire week focused on this detoxification.

While Montana was relaxed, floating on his gentle touches, he began to work off the cage. Montana
didn't even open his eyes. Cage off, he continued exploring. Cock, balls, the sweet bare skin around
them. His touch was careful enough that it took a while for Montana to get hard, to start to fill. His
own cock was hard, pressed against Montana's ass.

"Are we going to make love?"

"Yes."

"Okay." Montana nodded. "I might cry, after."

"You're allowed."

"Okay." Simple as that, Montana agreed.

He tipped Montana's head back, nuzzling and licking at his lover's neck as he fondled Montana's
groin.

"Tell me why you love me."

That was easy for Billy. "I love you for your strength. For your beauty. For the crazy way your
brain works. I love you because you're mine."

"Most people wouldn't fall apart because a friend died."

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Billy snorted. "She was more than just a friend."

"She was. She was good to me."

"She was almost a mother figure. She was certainly was a mentor."

"She was so brave, and she was there for me." The tears were near the surface.

"She loved you. You were like a son to her."

"I miss her. I'm scared to go into the studio, scared that I'll fuck everything up."

"You're not going to fuck everything up -- you've practically been running her studio by yourself
for ages now." Recently Margaret had rarely gone in more than a day or two, and that usually just
to spend time with Montana.

"I'm still scared. What if I destroy everything?"

"What if you do? I mean, I don't believe you will, but let's say you do. What's the worst that
happens?"

"Then I have to get another job. I'll be ashamed."

He kissed Montana's neck again. "But you'd live. Margaret wouldn't be here to see it. My point is
that that's the very worst that could happen. And that's not what's going to happen. You're going to
do it."

"You really think so?"

"I do, love. And I wouldn't say so if I didn't believe it, believe in you." He didn't blow sunshine up
Montana's ass unless he actually had the sunshine to blow.

"You always do. It's unnatural." But Montana smiled.

"It's actually the most natural thing in the world."

"How? How does trusting a junkie come naturally?"

"Because I didn't see you as a junkie, I saw you as a man who had some problems."

Montana's head fell back against his shoulder. "I was so cold. I remember that. I was freezing
cold."

"I remember you sold your coat for pills that you downed in a single go when the cops caught you."
He cupped more water, bringing it up over Montana's shoulders to keep him warm.

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"I did. You bought me dinner and then, a few weeks later, a sweater."

He chuckled. Montana had worn that sweater threadbare. "You looked pretty sexy in it."

"I love that sweater. I'll wear it forever."

"You should let me buy you a new one."

"I don't need a new one. I like that one."

"It's got holes at the elbows."

That stubborn set to Montana's jaw came back. It was incredibly hot. "I don't care."

"No? We'll have to get those leather patches for the elbows." He kept touching Montana lazily.

"It's special to me."

He kissed Montana's collarbone. "I know. It makes me smile every time I see you wearing it."

"What am I going to do if you die, Billy?" The question came out of nowhere.

He squeezed Montana tight. "You're going to have a lot of friends here to support you if that
happens, love. Oliver and Jack and Marcus and Jim, Lee and Doc, they'll all help you."

"I think that I'd just walk into the ocean."

He shook his head, but he knew there was no point in arguing the matter with Montana right now.
"I'd hate to imagine you doing that. I'm not planning on dying for a good long time, though
anyway."

He might even be stubborn enough to make sure he didn't die until Montana was gone. The thought
of that clutched at his heart and he squeezed Montana tighter.

"Okay. Let's just not. We'll live forever together."

"That works for me, love." He was willing to just drop it for now. Maybe for a long time.

"Cool."

Billy chuckled and went back to working Montana's cock. He loved the way it felt in his hand, full
and hot.

"Are you going to let me come?" Montana wasn't even hard, not fully, not yet.

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"This time, yes."

Then he'd cage Montana back up and make him wait and wait. It was time, maybe, for Montana to
stop thinking for a little while. He tilted his lover's head and took Montana's mouth in a long, deep
kiss. Montana's moan pushed into his lips, sweet and soft and low. Yeah, this was what they needed
now.

He rubbed his prick along Montana's crack, his hand cupping the heavy balls, his fingers playing
softly with the guiche. Montana braced himself on the edge of the tub, hips tilted to help. He
reached down and rubbed his cock along Montana's crack over and over. Montana's muscles began
to shake, tremble.

"You want me, love?" He pressed his cock against Montana's hole.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do. Okay?"

"Very okay." He pushed into Montana. Montana's elbows bent, body taking him in. He pushed in
slowly, his hands wrapping around Montana's hips.

"I like that."

"Uh-huh." He tugged Montana down onto him.

"Sir. Sir..." That sweet ass rippled around him.

"That's right. I'm your Sir." He pushed up hard, brought Montana down to meet the thrust.

"Always." His Montana was an amazing sub.

"Yes. Always. Mine. Love you." They were moving hard and fast now, bodies coming together.

"Love. Always. More, please."

"Yes. Yes." The water splashed violently around them.

Montana leaned his head back and began to whisper, telling him how good it was, how many things
Montana would let him do, how far Montana would let him push. Each new thing had him thrusting
harder, pushing faster into Montana's body.

"Yours. Give you everything."

"Yes. Mine. Mine." He gasped each word, his body straining, striving for his orgasm.

"Yours. Love. Love you."

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He circled Montana's cock and jacked him hard. He felt every stroke around his cock, Montana
near crazed.

"Together," he groaned.

"Yes, sir. When you say."

"Yes. Soon. Now!" He cried out, pushing hard into Montana's body.

Montana was right with him, screaming out his pleasure, his joy. He pumped his pleasure into
Montana's ass. That tight ass held him, kept him in.

"Love. So much." He leaned his head against the back of Montana's neck.

"Yes. Forever."

Or longer worked for him, too.

***

Montana stood in the studio, looking around, trying not to run screaming. He couldn't do this. He
couldn't make it work. He was going to ruin everything. Fuck it up. Fuck it all up. Tanny turned to
leave, heart screaming.

Billy was right there, solid and warm, hand coming to rest on his shoulders. "An hour, love. That's
all you need for today. And you can start by telling me what I can do to help."

"I can't do this. I have to get out of here. I'm going to ruin it."

"No, you are not going to ruin it and you can do this." Billy shook him a little and then kissed him.
Hard.

"Now turn back around -- if nothing else, you can sort your stock."

"I need..." What would Margaret have him do? "I need to see if there are new orders."

"Okay. Should I just sit here out of the way? In case you find something for me to do?"

"I..." Montana looked over. "Should we touch her stuff?"

It was all his now. All of it. Lizzie had called to tell him that Margaret had left everything to him.
He hadn't even been able to tell Billy yet -- about the house, their house.

"Yes, love. You do what needs to be done. Or tell me and I'll do it. Is there stuff here that doesn't
have to do with the business?"

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"I don't know. I." He sighed, shook his head. He needed to tell. He started sorting paperwork.

Billy wandered, peering at things, looking out the back window.

"We have a house." He said it, then bent back to work.

"Hmm? What was that?" Billy headed back toward him.

"Nothing."

Those solid hands landed on his shoulders, Billy massaging. "I just didn't hear you, love. What did
you say?"

"She left me her house."

Billy's hands stilled for a moment, and then started massaging again. "I'm not surprised. She loved
you."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore." He didn't know what to do. "I have four new orders."

"You brought it up," Billy pointed out gently. "How long does it take you to do each order?"

"It depends. This one will take two days. These two are about a week. The last one's a special order.
I'll have to, uh, send an email to a place in Rome for the paper."

"Then I guess you should get that done at least, hmm? And organize your week to work on the rest
of them? I can come in for a few days if you need -- bring my laptop and sit in the corner, but
otherwise I think you have things under control." The warmth from Billy's hands crept over him.

"Yeah. Yeah." He sat there for a long minute, staring at his hands. His hands knew how to do this,
Margaret had taught him.

His tears started splashing on the desk. Billy kissed the back of his neck and stepped closer. The
strong arms came around his waist, holding on as he cried. When the storm passed, though, he felt
like he could work, so he logged onto the computer, answered some emails, made the paper order.
Normal things.

He had a headache, he was sad, but he knew how to do this.

Billy was standing at the window, hands clasped behind his back as he looked out. His lover -- his
Sir -- was a quiet, strong presence. Maybe he would ask Billy to come in, once or twice, just until
he got used to being alone.

"How's it going?" Billy asked awhile later.

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"Okay, I guess. I have a headache."

"You want some aspirin? Or a quick blow-job?"

He chuckled, shook his head. "This is not a good place for sex. Too much glue. You want to go
have pizza?"

"I definitely don't want my mouth stuck to your cock -- that could get embarrassing." Billy gave
him a wink and nodded. "Pizza sounds good. Are you done for today?"

"I think so, yeah. I... I need to get out into the sunshine."

"Let's go then." Billy grabbed his hand, gave him a quick kiss, and led him back out.

He waved to people as he left and everyone waved back, gave him sad smiles. Billy kept hold of
his hand outside, wandering with him toward their favorite pizza place. He didn't say anything, but
they didn't hurry and the silence didn't feel bad.

"What are you in the mood for?" Billy asked as they went in, the smell of pizza dough cooking in
the ovens hitting his nose immediately. He and Billy usually shared a pie, and then a dessert.

"I want a beer. I want a lot of beers in a row." He surprised himself. He didn't really even like beer.

Billy shook his head. "We could share one, but I don't think you getting drunk right now is going to
do you any good."

"I don't think so either. I think that's why I want to do it, so you should say no."

Billy chuckled. "Don't worry, it's already decided."

He squeezed Billy's hand. "Pepperoni and onion?"

"Sounds good. Let's ask for extra garlic, too."

Tanny actually laughed. "And then chocolate cake because it was Margaret's favorite."

"That's because she had very good taste. I can't think of a better way to remember her."

They sat in a back booth, Billy sitting next to him instead of across from him.

He took Billy's hand again, not really speaking until after Billy'd ordered for them. "Thank you."

Billy smiled, fingers twining with his. "You're welcome."

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He didn't know what to say, whether he needed to say anything, so he didn't. Billy seemed content,
too, and they sat there, smiling at each other. It didn't feel awkward or anything, just... peaceful.

The pizza came and they ate. He gave Billy his crusts; Billy gave him the really crispy pepperoni.
When they were nearly done, Billy started to play footsie with him under the table. He chuckled,
unsure if he wanted to play or not.

When the waitress cleared the table, Billy ordered them a piece of chocolate cake to share.

"I don't know what to do next, sir."

Billy squeezed his hand. "You go in to work every morning, and you keep the business going. You
make Margaret, me, and, most of all, yourself proud."

"Okay." He didn't think that was going to happen.

"And in case you meant in the very immediate future -- you eat chocolate cake and then we go
home and have wild monkey sex."

He started laughing, little chuckles at first, then big, happy belly laughs. Billy smiled at him, love
shining from his lover's eyes.

He thought, maybe, for the first time since Margaret had died, he might be okay.

***

It had been nearly a week since Montana had first gone back to work, to the share in the studio that
belonged to him, to the business where there was now only one to support. Nearly a week since his
lover had blurted out that Margaret had also left him her house. His lover hadn't said a word about
it since.

It was time to draw Montana out, figure out what he was feeling. Decision made, Billy looked up
from his soup and smiled at his lover across the kitchen table. Montana was playing with his food,
stirring the soup idly, hair pulled back in a tail.

"You need to eat, love."

"I am."

He shook his head as he watched Montana continue to push the liquid around his bowl. "Maybe if
you talked about what's bugging you, you'd have more room for your food."

"I'm okay." So careful not to lie, his Montana.

"I don't want you to be 'okay'. I'm looking for happy, joyful, wonderful."

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Montana shrugged. "I'm trying."

"I know." He gave Montana a wry little smile. "I want you to try harder. Actually, I want you to
talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me what's bothering you."

They'd circle around it a bit, they always did. One day, Montana would come to him and
voluntarily pour something out and Billy would die of the shock.

"I'm okay. Really." The spoon went up, the soup dripping off.

Billy watched and waited.

It took another three stirs with the spoon, then Montana sighed. "The lawyer guy came by. Gave me
keys and made me sign papers and shit. I didn't understand all the words and I don't know what to
do now. I'm fucking scared of going into her house where her things are and cleaning it up and stuff
and there's a yard and everything and what if you don't want to live in a house with me and stuff?'

There it was.

"Let's start with the easy part of that, hmm? I want to live with you, period. Whether it's here or in
Margaret's house or in a new house that you buy with the proceeds of an estate sale. What matters
to me is that we are together."

"Me, too." Montana sighed and pushed back from the table, then slid into his lap. He wrapped his
arms around his lover and took a kiss. It focused both of them. "We have a house with a yard, Billy,
like real people."

He laughed at that. "We are real people, love. And you have a house with a yard."

"No." Montana looked very serious. "We. You and me. You always say that we share, that I'm not
mooching, so we."

Billy thought about it before automatically protesting. Montana was right. He'd shared everything
he had, expecting nothing more than for Montana to be his partner. "All right. We have a house."

Montana took a deep breath, nodded. "What do we do with it?"

"I guess we need to decide if we want to live there or sell it. Do you want to live there?" Could
Montana live in Margaret's home, or would it be too painful for his lover?

"I don't know. There's more room there than here, but I... do you think her ghost is there?"

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He shook his head. "I think her ghost is here." He pressed his hand against Montana's heart, and
then his head. "She lives on in you, in your memories of her, your love for her."

"I miss her a lot, and I don't know how to own a house."

"It's not so difficult. The lawyer can take care of the bills and stuff. I suppose if the mortgage is
paid off, we'll have money for something like that. But we don't have to live there. If we sold her
place and this place, we could buy something new, something that was truly ours."

"Can we think about it? I mean, both of us?" Montana leaned against him. "Could we get a place
with a studio? So I could work with you?"

"Oh. Oh, that's a fantastic idea. I'd love that. I really would."

And Montana didn't think he was smart.

"Yeah." Montana nodded, sighed again. "It would be nice, to have a place with a yard."

"It would. How about we go see Margaret's place, see if it's something we both like, that we think
we could build onto to make it exactly what we want. If we can and you would be comfortable
there, then cool. If not, we can go another route. Nothing has to be decided today, you know?"

"Yeah." Poor stressed out love.

"You want to go look at it, get that out of the way, or should I distract you and make you forget
everything, including your name?"

"I won't forget my name. I have that down."

He laughed softly. "So you're saying we should go see the house?"

"I don't know what I'm saying, love. I'm saying that I'm feeling very... lost."

He took Montana's face between his hands and stared into the lovely dark eyes. "You aren't lost,
you're right here with me."

"Am I? Really? Am I right?"

"You're right where you belong, yes, love."

Montana nodded, holding his gaze. "It's hard, being a real person."

"It has wonderful rewards, though."

"I know. I mean, I think I know. Hell, I don't know."

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Billy kissed his lover, put a stop to the flow of babbled words and a stop to what he knew was
likely internal babble as well.

"We have each other, love. That's reward enough for anything."

"It is." Montana's forehead rested against his.

He smiled, licking up at the tempting lips. Montana smiled back at him, tongue playing with his.
Moaning softly, he grabbed Montana's tongue between his lips and sucked on it. Montana tangled
those long fingers in his hair, held onto him. He let go of Montana's tongue in favor of pushing his
own tongue into Montana's mouth, fucking it.

His lover yielded, stretched back perfectly. Montana was so sexy; every day he loved the man
more.

Every day they dealt with what life sent them, together. Happiness, love, their life, it was all within
their grasp, in their control. Together.

End.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 64

Control

Copyright © 2009 by Sean Michael

All rights reserved. No part of this eBook may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever
without written permission except in case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or
reviews. For information address Torquere Press, Inc., PO Box 2545, Round Rock, TX 78680

Printed in the United States of America.

ISBN: 978-1-60370-823-4, 1-60370-823-5

Torquere Press, Inc.: Single Shot electronic edition / October 2009

Torquere Press eBooks are published by Torquere Press, Inc., PO Box 2545, Round Rock, TX

78680

A Torquere Press Arcana - 65