He left his seamy past…and found a steamy romance.
When Louis Guzman signs on with a Hollywood nanny agency and scores a
job offer on his very first interview, he’s thrilled for the chance to start fresh—
and hopeful that no one will delve too deeply into his checkered work and
romantic past.
Helping an amicably divorced Beverly Hills power couple raise their two
adorable children is the perfect situation. Too perfect to let a vibe of attraction to
the handsome producer tempt Louis to flirt his way to a pink slip.
Since he came out, Dan Krefman has been too busy with his job to
experiment with his newly embraced sexuality. But with undercurrents sizzling
like live power cables between him and his kids’ hunky Latino nanny, he’s
finding it hard to maintain his distance.
Louis promises Dan—and himself—that just one encounter will get the lust
out of both their systems. But it’s only the beginning…and when Louis’s past
crawls out of the shadows, dirty secrets threaten to destroy not only his own
future, but the family he has come to love.
Warning: Hot male loving and sweet family bonding—not bondage,
bonding, perv!
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Samhain Publishing, Ltd.
11821 Mason Montgomery Road Suite 4B
Cincinnati OH 45249
The Au Pair Affair
Copyright © 2013 by Bonnie Dee
ISBN: 978-1-61921-543-6
Edited by Linda Ingmanson
Cover by Lou Harper
All Rights Are Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever
without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
First
electronic publication: March 2013
The Au Pair Affair
Bonnie Dee
Dedication
To all movie lovers like myself, and a special shout out to my LA daughter
who’s making her way in the biz.
Chapter One
“Continuity is very important to us.” Dan Krefman stared at Louis with such
an intent look in his dark eyes that Louis found himself automatically nodding
along with his words. Continuity. Got it. Yes, sir. Right, sir. He wondered if this
guy had ever been in the military. His erect bearing and direct manner suggested
he may have been. Or he was just naturally rigid.
“For the children’s sake, we need to know we can count on whoever we hire
to be with us for a while,” Dan’s ex-wife chimed in.
Louis recognized her as Crissi Jondalar, star of several blockbuster movies
popular during the summers of his high school years. Of course, while his
friends had been ogling this golden goddess of the screen, Louis had been fixated
on the hard bodies of her leading men. Nearly a decade later, in her thirties,
Crissi Jondalar’s beauty was honed to a sharp edge. When she glanced over at
her ex-husband, her lips tightened. Louis wondered about the circumstances of
the divorce.
Both the distinguished producer and the fading star looked expectantly at
Louis.
“Continuity is so important for kids,” he offered to show he was paying
attention. “They need to know what to expect in order to feel secure.”
It was true, but he knew kids could also get along fine with a guessing-game
sort of life. He was proof of it.
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7
“Trust is key,” Louis added sagely. He was starting to sweat, despite the
shade of the umbrella over the patio table and the breeze blowing in from the
ocean.
Man, he could get used to a view like this; lush plants surrounding the patio
and infinity pool, and the deep blue of the ocean in the distance. Here in the hills,
they were above the smog that valley dwellers choked down daily.
Louis turned his attention back to the power couple seated across the table
with glasses of iced tea before them. The casual vibe of friends gathering to chat
couldn’t conceal that this was an interview and he was on the grill.
“As I told you, Cara and Liam split their time between our two houses. Your
presence in their lives will help bridge that gap.”
Dan Krefman’s voice was deep and rich and made the hair on Louis’s neck
prickle. Something in the man’s eyes suggested secrets Louis would be happy to
slowly uncover. He liked a puzzle. A challenge. But this was no time to let his
overactive libido out for a run. A prospective employer was not somebody he
should get hard over. This was new-leaf time with a clear separation of his
business and sex lives.
“We’ve already had a couple of nannies who didn’t work out,” Crissi put in.
“Everyone in this town is an aspiring something or other. Both of our previous
girls quit when prospects for their acting careers came along. You don’t have
intentions of becoming an actor do you, Louis?”
“No, ma’am.”
“Please, call me Crissi,” she corrected, “or Ms. Jondalar. ‘Ma’am’ sounds so
old.”
“Sorry. I’m from Georgia originally. I was raised on ma’am and sir.”
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8
“It’s respectful. I wouldn’t mind if our children picked up some of those
Southern manners.” Mr. Krefman—who hadn’t told Louis to call him Dan—
continued to study him as if searching for flaws.
Louis didn’t blame him. LA was full of crazies, and a person couldn’t be too
careful about who he entrusted his kids to. A man like Dan Krefman would look
thoroughly into Louis’s past, and it wouldn’t be hard to find those flaws. It was a
wonder the nanny agency hadn’t uncovered them. Probably it would be best if
he came clean with the Krefmans up front, but he just couldn’t blurt it out and
lose this chance to start over.
“I’m not doing this while I search for something better,” Louis said. “I tried
acting and gave it up. It’s not for me. I honestly care about children and helping
families with working parents function as smoothly as possible.”
Crissi tapped a manicured finger against her perspiring glass of tea. “Of
course, we’ll want to see how you interact with Cara and Liam. We’ll schedule a
play date and evaluate how that goes. I understand this would be your first
posting. I have to say, I’m a little hesitant to hire someone so inexperienced.”
“I may not have been a nanny before, but I know how to raise kids.” Louis
offered the part of his past he felt safe sharing, although even this might be
enough to turn off prospective employers. “I lived in a few foster homes growing
up and babysat all the time. I know how to distract a toddler having a tantrum or
coax an adolescent girl out of the bathroom when she’s traumatized by a zit. I
know how to relieve a baby’s colic without taking the kid to the hospital. You
can trust me with Cara and Liam.”
Was that a smile on Mr. Krefman’s grim mouth? The man was handsome
enough in somber mode, but when his lips curved, it stole Louis’s breath.
Krefman’s eyes telegraphed he’d liked Louis’s blunt answer. And, unless Louis’s
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9
senses were going haywire, he’d swear those eyes also contained a hint of sexual
interest.
Hm. Interesting. Or not! Because he was here for a job interview, nothing
more. No crushes or flings with a boss. He was here to turn over a new leaf and
get on a different track.
Krefman checked his watch, then rose. “I have a meeting to get to. Crissi will
call and arrange your introduction to the kids soon.” He held out his hand.
Louis rose and took it. One hard clasp and a quick shake left his palm
tingling. “I’m sure looking forward to meeting them.”
Krefman left, walking swiftly, the line of his suit and the way he moved
keeping Louis’s eyes on him until he disappeared into the house. Only then did
Louis turn his attention back to Crissi.
She was scanning the skimpy résumé the agency had helped him develop.
The furrow between her eyebrows made him nervous. She pushed her chair
away from the table and stood.
“We have several more interviews scheduled. You should hear back from me
in a few days.”
Louis nodded, sensing her doubts and wondering what he could say to
alleviate them and get a chance to at least meet the kids.
Crissi started to lead him toward the driveway but paused at the edge of the
patio. “I have to tell you, I’m not sure I’m on board with the idea of a male
nanny. It’s probably un-PC to admit, but I feel there’s an element of female
nurturing I don’t know if a man can match. And your résumé is…nearly
nonexistent. Dan thought we should review a full spectrum of people so we
added yours to the mix.”
This was her way of telling him don’t hold your breath for that call. He had
maybe seconds to change her mind.
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10
“Thank you for being honest with me. I understand your reservations and
sort of expected them. But I’d love to have the chance to at least spend time with
your children before you make a final decision. As I said, I’m a kid wrangler
from way back. I like them. I get them. And they seem to respond to me.” I’m
fucking Mary Poppins. Just hire me, already!
Blue eyes studied him, and then a former-beauty-queen smile lit her face.
The fine lines around her eyes and mouth only added character. Apparently
she’d shunned Botox and surgery. Crissi was a good actress, from what he’d
seen. Better than the material she’d had to work with. Louis decided to play that
angle a little.
“By the way, Ms. Jondalar. I wanted to say how much I’ve appreciated your
work over the years. Your early adventure movies are fun, but I think you’re just
coming into your own dramatically.”
Her smile thinned. “Thank you. Unfortunately, audiences seem to want
more of the same from me, and critics…” She waved a hand.
At the risk of sounding like a total brownnoser, Louis added, “I saw
Undisciplined and thought your performance was subtle and truthful. I really
did.”
“Thank you,” she repeated, but her smile was completely extinguished, and
Louis began to wish he hadn’t brought up her recent indie film, which had
tanked.
“I’ll call,” Crissi promised again after she’d walked him to his car, but Louis
thought if she really wanted to, she’d set up an appointment for him to meet the
kids right then.
As he drove his beat-up Taurus back down the hill past beautiful mansions
in landscaped splendor, Louis prayed to God, Mary and sweet Baby Jesus that
he’d come off well during the interview. He was desperate for a fresh start and
The Au Pair Affair
11
an end to his aimless drifting. At age twenty-six, it was time to settle down to
something. Raising rich people’s kids sounded like a safe haven to him, a port in
a storm where he’d be happy to park himself for a good long time.
“I liked Elianne, the German one. She seemed very sweet. But Louis did
have…something, a certain forthrightness I really liked.”
Dan only half listened to Crissi’s waffling. She could dither for hours over a
decision. The rest of his attention was on the spreadsheet showing the alarming
rising costs on Birthright. The film was only halfway through production but
quickly devouring its budget like the undead the movie featured.
“I like the guy too,” Dan said. “Add him to the shortlist. He may not have a
degree or anything in the way of credentials, but it sounds like he’s got real life
experience.”
“Dealing with crack babies and scarred juveniles.” Crissi’s voice over the
phone was distant, distracted. He wondered what was up with her.
“Cara and Liam should be a piece of cake, then. I say we give the guy a break
and try him out.”
Dan blinked away the scary numbers, closed his eyes and pictured Louis
Guzman instead. Shiny black hair and tan skin, but eyes a pale green at odds
with his Latin looks. There’d been a sincerity and down-to-earth quality about
him that had caught Dan’s interest.
“This is a person who’s going to spend hours of time alone with our
children. How can you be so nonchalant about choosing someone?” Crissi
demanded.
“I’m not. All I said was it wouldn’t hurt to give Louis, or any number of the
applicants, a try. We shouldn’t be limiting our options before we’ve even seen
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12
how these people interact with the kids.” He gritted his teeth. Crissi could be so
illogical and frustrating sometimes.
“You’re right. Of course, you’re right. I’m just tired. I want this to be over
and to know we’ve made the right choice. I’m so afraid we’ll lose another nanny
in a few months like before and have to start the process all over again.”
Dan bit back a retort about “rich people’s problems”. Crissi tended to whine
if caviar wasn’t the perfect consistency or wine wasn’t properly chilled, but she
was a good person. He’d loved and lived with her for six years, and she was the
mother of his two amazing kids. He loved her still—in a nonsexual way.
“Look, you don’t have to handle it alone. We’ll each take a couple of the
candidates and set up dates. Two for you, two for me, gives us four possibilities.
Cara will let us know who the right person is. She can see through bullshit and
recognize a good heart.”
“All right. I’ll take Elianne and Louis. You take Bridget and Serena.”
Disappointment shot through him, and he realized he’d hoped to see Louis
again. Not good. He couldn’t deny the surge of attraction he’d felt at his first
glimpse of that compact, finely muscled body, the shock of coal black hair and
those piercing eyes. Dan had managed to conduct Louis’s interview in a
professional manner while fighting the inappropriate heat, but now he had to
admit to a hidden ulterior motive for wanting to include Louis in the next round
of interviews. He honestly believed the guy would be good with kids, but he also
wanted to see him again. So wrong. Probably it was a good thing that Crissi had
put him on her list.
“E-mail me a copy of their resumes. I’ll keep in touch with you about the
scheduling,” Dan said.
On his computer screen, Cara and Liam were chasing after seagulls at the
beach. His heart swelled to bursting at the image of two laughing, curly-headed
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13
kids who physically favored Cris more than himself. “Hey, put Cara on, would
you?”
“Sure.”
The screensaver changed to a picture of a sunset with the two kids
silhouetted against it, then to a photo of them taken at the zoo. It flipped through
three more shots before Cara came on the phone.
“I’m watching ponies, Daddy. Whaddya want?”
Dan decided to ignore her typical five-year-old bluntness. “Just saying hi.
What you been up to?”
“Watching ponies. Ember and Sparkle are about to cross the Bridge to
Nowhere and save the other guys.”
“Sounds cool.” Note to self, get Cara any sort of pony paraphernalia for her sixth
birthday.
“Yeah. So I gotta go.” Impatience simmered in her voice.
Maybe it was time for a lesson in manners after all. “Whoa, girl. You have a
remote?”
“Yes.”
“You know how to use it? Press Pause and talk to me for a minute.”
A long-suffering sigh came from his little princess, but when she spoke
again, she sounded considerably more cheerful. “Know what? Liam peed his
pants today like a baby.”
In Dan’s mind, Liam still was a baby. “Well, he’s still learning. Did you know
boys usually take longer than girls to potty train?”
“Yeah? That’s ’cause boys are dumb.”
“Not dumb. It’s just the way our bodies work. Be nice to your little brother.
It’s up to you to help him grow up, not make fun of him. You didn’t like it when
kids at preschool were mean to you, did you?”
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14
“No.”
“So don’t make Liam feel bad or small. Okay?”
“Yeah. Hey, when are we going to your house?”
“Day after tomorrow. That’s two sunrises.”
“I know, Dad. I can count.” Suddenly he could hear what Cara would sound
like at sixteen instead of almost six. His instinct was to tell her to be respectful,
but he doubted she meant to be rude. He sure as hell didn’t want to be the
hardheaded disciplinarian his father had been.
“Love you, Daddy. Miss you this much.” Several loud wet kissing sounds
followed, and Dan’s worry evaporated as his heart melted again.
“Love you too, Kermit. See you soon.”
He leaned back in his chair. A photo of their family taken shortly after
Liam’s birth popped up on the screen. Dan’s arm was around Crissi, the kids
cradled in the middle, sheltered by their love. It looked like a magazine
illustration of a family—perfectly happy. But Dan remembered those last couple
of years of marriage had been the darkest part of his struggle, those days when
he’d finally begun to admit who he was and what he wanted. Emerging from the
closet had been a slow, extremely painful process. Hell, he wasn’t finished with
the journey yet. He still hadn’t told his parents why he’d divorced Crissi. That
was one last hurdle he hadn’t mustered enough courage to face.
Dan thought about Louis Guzman and wondered what his story was. From
his demeanor, Louis was pretty obviously gay. Foster homes suggested a tough
background. When had Louis admitted to his inclinations? Who had such a boy
confided to? Someone must have steered him right, because Louis seemed
comfortable and confident in his own skin. He probably had no trouble finding
guys to date.
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15
Imagining Louis connecting with other men soon had Dan fantasizing about
the hot prospective nanny in wildly inappropriate ways. Jesus. Maybe it was
time he hit the club scene and started acting on his new gay life instead of just
daydreaming. But the club scene—gay or straight—wasn’t really his thing. He
and Crissi’s mutual friend, Mara, had been trying to get Dan to meet her gay
cousin practically since Dan and Crissi split up. Maybe it was time to take her up
on that offer to arrange a blind date. He’d call her. Sometime.
But right now he had work to do—talk to the director of Birthright and get
his spending back in line. Dan picked up the phone.
Chapter Two
“Wanna play Legos?” The blonde, curly-haired girl looked up at Louis with
eyes as bright a blue as her mother’s, but something about the set of her jaw and
her intent gaze reminded Louis more of her father. He’d met Dan Krefman only
briefly, but the guy had left a strong impression. Too strong. Louis had been
ridiculously disappointed to discover Dan wouldn’t be on hand for the play date.
“Sure. What do you want to build?” Louis scooped up a handful of smooth
building pieces and let them trickle through his fingers. He’d loved Legos as a
kid and would’ve given his left nut to have as many as this girl had instead of
the sparse collection that could hardly make anything. “A castle? A skyscraper?
A rocket ship?”
“Fort. The ponies have to defend themselves from the invazing horde.”
Louis’s eyebrows shot up at the mangled word, and he looked at Crissi, who
was observing them at play from a distance. Nothing awkward or uncomfortable
about that.
Crissi smiled. “Cara has an extensive vocabulary for a five-year-old.”
“I guess so.” He turned his attention back to the child. “All right, then, Miss
Cara, let’s build some protection for these ponies and fortify it.”
He hoped the Krefmans didn’t have an issue about using weapons in fantasy
play. In his opinion, fighting bad guys was part of being a kid. It was
empowering for little ones, who probably felt pretty helpless most of the time
living under adult rule. Keeping evil at bay and protecting worlds they created
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17
was a constructive thing, which just happened to sometimes require swords or
heavy artillery.
Together Louis and Cara slowly raised the walls of the fort, snapping in
piece after piece.
“No windows. The bad guys might get through,” the little girl ordered.
“They want to take over the kingdom and kidnap Princess Bright.”
“Why?” Louis asked, curious about what motivation she attributed to the
baddies.
“Because they’re bad guys.” She gave him a duh expression and plugged a
gap in the wall with a square of yellow.
“Of course, but maybe they have another reason,” Louis suggested.
Cara pursed her lips. “Maybe the head bad guy is in love with Princess
Bright. He wants to marry her and carry her off to his kingdom.”
“Could be.” He was about to embroider the story some more when Liam’s
sleepy whine came over the monitor. “Sounds like your baby brother’s awake.
Want to come check on him with me, or keep working on the fort? Your choice.”
“Fort. Gotta hurry before the hordes come.” Cara continued building.
Louis glanced at Crissi as he climbed to his feet. Not weird at all to be
babysitting right under a mother’s watchful eyes. But her expression was more
relaxed than it had been during the interview the other day. Maybe she liked
how he was relating to her daughter.
Crissi accompanied him to Liam’s bedroom but stayed out in the hall as
Louis got Liam from his bed. He was glad she was smart enough to realize
seeing Mommy would not allow Liam to bond with Louis.
“Hey, little man, good nap?” he asked, holding out a hand and giving Liam
time to decide whether to come to him or not. “Want to go to the bathroom and
then get a snack?”
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18
Liam stared at him for a few moments with his dad’s serious, dark eyes.
Louis waited. The boy would either burst out crying at the stranger in his room,
even though they’d been introduced before Crissi laid him down for his nap or
he’d accept Louis as a new friend. At last, Liam climbed out of bed and took
Louis’s hand.
“You like juice? How about animal cookies? I like the lions best.”
Pretty soon Louis had the boy roaring and laughing so hard it was a wonder
he didn’t wet himself before they made it to the bathroom.
Two for two. Both the kids had taken to him, and he found them sweet and
much less spoiled than he’d expected Beverly Hills kids would be. There were a
few moments of stress as Cara kept begging him to come help her build while
Louis was still getting Liam his snack, but overall the rest of his visit went well.
He managed to prevent the three-year-old from eating Legos, anyway.
At the end of the afternoon, Crissi bid him good-bye. “Thanks for coming.
You have a great rapport with the kids. Either Dan or I will be in touch with you
soon.”
Interview finished, Louis drove back to his apartment in a shittier part of the
city. He felt pretty good about his chances of landing the job, but nervous too.
His finances were precarious, the money from his last gig nearly gone and bills
looming. If the nanny agency had learned more about his checkered past than
what was revealed by a cursory investigation, Louis knew they wouldn’t have
put him on their roster. He didn’t know how many interviews he’d get. Landing
this job felt like his last chance somehow.
If only he’d been able to have his “audition” with the kids under Dan
Krefman’s watch, Louis was sure he’d stand a better chance of getting the job.
Ah, but that was thinking like old Louis, not new Louis, the guy who didn’t flirt
or fuck his way to a goal.
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19
“I have to admit, I was very impressed with the gay guy. He handled both
kids well and really hit it off with Cara.”
Crissi sipped her glass of wine and gazed at the single bright gold leaf
marring the clear water of the infinity pool. She frowned, and Dan could feel her
aching to skim the offending bit of nature off the pristine surface. When they
were married, he used to purposely tilt picture frames to give her something to
straighten.
He restrained his eagerness, not wanting to let her know he was pulling for
that particular candidate. “Both Bridget and Serena seemed okay. Competent.
But Cara wasn’t especially drawn to either of them. She talked of nothing but
Louis this and Louis that for days. How do you know he’s gay, by the way? Did
he say something?”
Crissi rolled her eyes. “Come on, Dan.”
“Well, some straight men are effeminate…and stylish.”
“And some gay men are as masculine as—oh, I don’t know—my ex-
husband,” she said dryly.
Dan nodded, point taken. Guilt at what he’d put her through was never far
from his consciousness and was quick to rise to the surface. Crissi hadn’t
deserved to be caught up in his denial. He’d used her in an attempt to convince
himself he was straight until the day he could no longer escape the truth.
“All right. Louis is clearly gay,” Dan admitted. “That’s not a problem for
you, is it?”
“Not for me. I was never a homophobe. That was you, dear.”
Dan accepted the paper cut as his due. He couldn’t really argue with the
truth.
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20
Crissi’s phone emitted a beep as a text came in, and she read and responded
to the message while continuing the conversation. “All I care about is the kids
having a good, stable, loving caretaker who will work with us in parenting them.
I think Louis could be the right person. But before we commit, you could have
him over to your place to see him with them.”
Dan forced his nervously jiggling leg to still.
“I checked into his background further. Information’s sketchy, and honestly,
right or wrong, the fact he was raised in foster homes gives me some pause,” he
said. “On the other hand, it seems to have given Louis practical experience in
dealing with children, so…” Now he was just rambling, playing devil’s advocate
when he was actually more than ready to hire Louis. “I trust your judgment, and
if Cara and Liam have taken a shine to him, then let’s go with this guy.”
Crissi sent her text with a flick of her thumb before turning her attention
back to Dan. “Good. That’s settled, then. I think it’ll be good.”
“All right. We’ve got a new nanny.”
Chapter Three
Louis couldn’t remember ever being so happy about landing a job. Certainly
not in his teen years, flipping burgers or bagging groceries. Definitely not after
he’d hit Los Angeles and had his brief movie career, along with the other things
he’d done to get by.
Bidding his vermin-infested studio apartment good-bye, he moved into a
light, spacious room at Crissi’s house so he could be on call twenty-four/seven.
The breeze coming through the window smelled of flowers and privilege. He
took a deep breath and held it.
Crissi had given him time alone this first day to settle in, but soon he’d have
to take charge of the kids while she went to a meeting with an agent or studio
head or something. For now, he simply stood gazing out the window at his little
slice of paradise—a flagstone path through lush plants with a glimpse of a
shimmering koi pond through huge ferns. This was the type of beautiful home
he’d fantasized having when he’d lived in a ranch with a front yard full of dead
grass and shared a bedroom with two other boys. Louis felt as if he’d been
climbing a treacherous rocky slope for a very long time and had finally reached a
safe plateau. As long as he did his job well and didn’t fuck up, he could remain
in paradise for a while.
Naturally, the moment he considered possible ways he could screw up, he
thought of Dan Krefman—sexy, handsome and off limits. No way was Louis
going to let his urges lead him into that sort of trouble. No mixing work and
pleasure. Not anymore.
Bonnie Dee
22
A knock on the bedroom door made him jerk as if he’d been caught with his
hand down his pants.
“Yeah. Come in.”
Crissi opened the door and cast a quick look around the room before settling
her gaze on him. “You have everything you need?”
“Yes. Thanks. It’s just perfect.”
“I hate to abandon you on your first day. I’d hoped to be on hand for a while,
at least until Liam acclimates, but I’ve got to go. Are you clear on how to get to
Cara’s school? The school has your name and photo, and you’re cleared to pick
her up. I have to tell you, she’s often in a pretty foul mood after kindergarten. I’m
trying to get to the bottom of what it is about school that’s bothering her—kids
picking on her, or a problem with the teacher—but so far I’m not getting any
answer out of her other than ‘I don’t like it’.”
Crissi offered him a set of keys. “These are for the car and the house. Liam’s
going to wake up soon and want a snack; then it’ll be time to pick up Cara. It’s all
on the schedule I gave you.”
Louis accepted the keys with a nod. “Got it. Don’t worry. I’m on top of it.
Everything will go fine.”
A little frown creased her brow. “Okay. Oh, also, Dan might be by sometime
later this afternoon. If he wants to take the kids out for dinner, it’s fine. Just
thought I should let you know so you don’t feel caught in the middle. I know
some divorced couples can get really mean, playing chess with their kids as
pawns, but that’s not Dan and me. If there’s one thing we’ve always been able to
agree on, it’s our kids.”
“Good to know.” He smiled, wishing she’d go. She’d placed her trust in him,
now it was time to prove her right.
“I can’t tell you when I’ll be back, but I’ll text when I know.”
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23
“Sounds good.”
After Crissi left, Louis focused on putting his stuff in order. He didn’t have
much, but all of his clothes were quality, and he was fussy about them. Scouring
thrift stores, he found amazing deals which outfitted him far beyond his limited
means.
The Krefmans had baby monitors scattered throughout the large house. It
wasn’t long before he had to drop his unpacking to respond to Liam’s wake-up
song. Literally. The boy was singing a tune that sounded like Somewhere Over the
Rainbow, but with garbled words.
Louis grinned. He could get along with a kid who woke up singing. He went
to Liam’s room and found the three-year-old sitting in the middle of his floor,
looking at picture books.
When Liam saw his new babysitter in the doorway, he beamed like sunshine.
Excellent. Louis had been a little afraid they’d have to start from scratch getting
to know each other.
“Hey, you like Wizard of Oz?”
Liam put down his picture book and stood up. Grabbing Louis’s hand, he
led him to the living room, took a DVD of the movie out of a cupboard and
thrust it at him.
“We don’t have time to watch a movie right now, buddy. Got to get you
something to eat, then go pick up your sister. We’ll watch part of it when we get
back, okay?”
Liam’s sunny face began to cloud, so Louis quickly distracted him, singing as
much as he could remember of Over the Rainbow as he led the boy to the kitchen.
Louis got the DVD out of sight, out of mind by offering Liam a butter knife
instead and letting him help spread peanut butter on bread—messier than doing
it himself, but good for the kid’s motor skills.
Bonnie Dee
24
Pretty soon Liam was sunny and singing again. Louis noticed he didn’t talk
much. At three, he should be asking tons of questions, chattering from the
moment he got up until he switched off at night. Neither of the Krefmans had
mentioned Liam having learning disabilities. Maybe he was just a quiet sort of
kid.
After sharing a peanut butter sandwich and scrubbing the same from Liam’s
hands, face and every surface he’d touched, Louis announced it was time to suit
up and go on a mission. Making the trip to get Cara from school sound like a
rocket-ship adventure was an easy way to get Liam into his car seat.
When they pulled into the pickup area in front of the school, Louis made a
game out of who would spot their quarry first. Liam squealed with excitement
and pointed wildly when he saw his sister’s bright red sweater amidst the other
brightly dressed munchkins on the other side of the fence.
“Good job. Sit tight for a second, okay, buddy?” Louis went to introduce
himself to the staff guarding the gate. The woman looked at his ID to confirm
who he was, even though she could see the Krefman’s hybrid SUV with Liam in
the backseat. Only then was Cara surrendered into his care.
The little girl threw her arms around his legs, hugging him fiercely, not shy
at all. In fact, she was one of the most self-possessed little people he’d ever met.
“Mommy said you’d pick me up. I’ve been so excited all day long. I want to
show you my book of ponies I’ve been making, and then we can build another
fort.”
“I’d love to see your book. Is it a scrapbook or drawings or a story you’ve
written?”
“You’ll see. Come on.” She grasped his hand and hurried him to the SUV.
Talking the whole time, she climbed in back and strapped herself into her car
seat before Louis could help. She talked about ponies and kids at school and
The Au Pair Affair
25
going to the beach and fifty other different subjects. She talked while they waited
in the traffic jam to get out of the school drop-off zone. She talked all the way
back to the house and continued to talk as she dropped her backpack in the hall,
tore off her sweater and tugged on Louis’s hand trying to get him to come with
her to her room.
“Just a minute, peach fuzz. I’ve got to take care of your brother first.”
“Peach fuzz,” Cara repeated and giggled so hard she snorted.
“Why don’t you do me a solid and take care of your school things while I get
Liam squared away, okay?”
She laughed again. “You talk funny.” But she did as he bid, collecting her
school gear and hauling it to her room.
Louis looked at Liam after she’d left them alone in the front hall. “Your
sister’s a little high energy, isn’t she, buddy? Come on. Let’s see if you need to
pee before we have an accident.”
Crissi had warned him that Liam was struggling with potty training. He was
in don’t-ask-don’t-tell mode—if you didn’t ask periodically if he had to go, he
wouldn’t tell and would simply wet his pants.
After spending some time in the john coaxing Liam to just let loose already,
it was time to get Cara her after school snack. She sat at kitchen table, showing
him the truly amazing pony book while she ate. It contained carefully clipped-
out and pasted images of horses from magazines, some of her own drawings and
her own little stories, which either her mother or father—maybe both, since they
were in different printing—had transcribed. The child managed to pack away a
banana and several cookies without ever stopping her explanation of her project.
Liam sat on the floor nearby, playing with some blocks and quietly minding
his own business. Easy kid.
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26
Louis became so engrossed in reading one of Cara’s imaginative tales that
when he heard footsteps approaching, it took him by surprise. He looked up as
Cara jumped down from her chair, shouting “Daddy!” and ran to her father’s
arms.
Dan scooped her up and gave her a big hug. “Hey, Kermit. How was school
today?”
Cara hugged him back, then squirmed to be put down. “I’m showing Louis
my pony book. Come, look at it with us.”
Krefman picked up Liam and held him on his lap as he sat beside his
daughter.
“How’s everything going?” he asked Louis.
“Great. We’re having a good day.” Louis indicated Liam. “No accidents, and
I think we’re all hitting it off okay.”
“Good to hear.”
Dan Krefman turned his attention back to Cara. Louis was glad to sit quietly
and just watch them together. They made a cute pair—the attractive man in his
well-tailored suit and his little sprite of a daughter. Cara might have her mother’s
blonde hair and clear blue eyes, but her mannerisms were her father’s. They both
frowned at the same time as they discussed one of the pictures, and the
resemblance was striking.
Liam began to squirm.
“Want me to take him?” Louis asked.
Dan handed his son over, and Louis was pleased that the boy didn’t fight the
exchange but happily went into his arms.
“Let’s get back to those blocks, okay?”
Louis sat on the floor and helped Liam stack colored blocks of various
shapes and sizes. He snuck another glance at his employer just as Dan looked
The Au Pair Affair
27
down at him. A smile curved the man’s lips before they returned to their
customary straight line. Not much for smiles, that one, but he seemed very sweet
and kind with his daughter. His aloofness didn’t come out in his relationship
with her.
Louis decided he was simply used to being around gregarious, extroverted
men. Dan Krefman was more of an introvert than he was accustomed to, a
character trait which it seemed Liam had inherited.
“You want to go to the park and stop for dinner afterward?” Dan asked.
Cara clapped her hands. “Yay! Louis too?”
Dan looked at him again. “If he wants to.”
Damn, was that just a look or was it a look? Every time Louis decided he was
nuts for thinking Krefman leaned the gay way, the man would do something to
ping his radar. But even if his employer was attracted to him, it certainly didn’t
mean either one of them would ever, ever act on it.
Louis was too used to random encounters—eyes meeting across a crowded
room, pleasantries exchanged, then bodies coming together fast and furious. He
had to stop thinking like a club boy and start thinking like a solid upstanding
citizen in a responsible position.
“Sounds good,” he answered. “Maybe we should bring along a kite to fly. Do
you have one, Cara?”
“Sure. With ponies on it.”
“Naturally.” Louis rose and pulled Liam to his feet, clasping his tiny,
somewhat sticky hand. “Ready for the park, little man?”
“Ducks,” Liam said, nearly the first word Louis had heard out of him. Liam
reached to take his dad’s hand too, linking them together in a chain.
Dan chuckled. “Yes, we’ll bring along some bread crumbs to feed the ducks.”
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28
When Dan looked at him, his smile included Louis, and Louis knew for
sure—it was that sort of look.
Chapter Four
As usual, Dan’s mind was spinning in about a hundred different directions.
Business was always too busy with some new financial crisis or monumental ego
to deal with. As a producer, it was his job to keep all the balls in the air, make
sure the money flowed and the project was completed on time and hopefully not
outrageously over budget—which Birthright was rapidly becoming thanks to
wunderkind director Bernard Green, the little shit. It was hard to leave those
balls proverbially spinning in the air and give his total attention to his kids. Some
days he was better at it than others. But he was determined never to be the
single-minded workaholic his father had been.
Dan sat on a park bench beside the new nanny, watching Cara and Louis
chase ducks and send them running into the pond. The kids had already
depleted their supply of bread. “So, Louis, where are you from originally?”
“Barry, Georgia. It’s a little town near Atlanta. My mom and I moved to the
city when I was pretty young. After she died, I went into foster care like I said.”
Dan would’ve liked to know why no relatives took the boy, but it wasn’t his
business. There was a fine line between polite interest and prying. “What
brought you to LA?”
“A cliché. I thought maybe I could act. But mostly it was because this guy I
was with wanted to go. I followed him out here, we split, and then I was
homeless and broke.”
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30
“Ah.” Dan wasn’t sure what to say to the familiar story of Hollywood
dreams gone sour. He wanted to ask more but didn’t have to, as Louis
continued.
“I got my Equity card and landed a few bit parts as ‘Latino gang member
number five’, that sort of thing. I also worked at fast-food jobs until a friend
turned me on to a dancing gig, which paid a helluva lot better. I didn’t put that
job on my résumé. I hope you won’t hold it against me.”
A stripper. Great. Why hadn’t he and Crissi asked more hard-hitting
questions before?
“It can be very difficult to make a living in this town,” Dan said
diplomatically.
“I’m not going to lie to you. I kind of have a spotty work history, though
never anything illegal, I swear, but now I’m trying to do something constructive
with my life. I figured what could be more positive and worthwhile than taking
care of children?”
Before Dan could respond, Cara came running over, red-faced and puffing.
“Kite time,” she announced. “I can do it myself. I know how to hold the
string tight and let it out slow. Mommy showed me before. I don’t need any
help.”
“I understand. You’re a big girl. But let me at least get you started.”
Dan handed Cara the reel and held the kite, adorned with ponies galloping
across a pasture. A light breeze lifted the kite easily into the air without any
running needed. Cara shrieked with excitement, and Louis yelled
encouragement while lifting Liam up onto his shoulders and jogging him
around.
Watching the colorful piece of plastic rise higher and higher until he couldn’t
make out the ponies any longer, Dan felt his worries lift too. So what if a fucking
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31
movie was over budget? So what if some self-centered actor demanded
ridiculous concessions in his contract? So what if the entire entertainment
industry caved in? This was what mattered; his little girl with her face turned up
to the sun and a big happy smile stretching from ear to ear, his boy clutching
Louis’s hair in both hands and laughing in pure childish joy. This was real life.
After getting the kite launched and watching it for a while, Cara got bored
and handed the reel off to Dan. That was the way of kites—the initial ascent was
always the most interesting part; then they got a bit dull.
“Want to hold it, Liam?” he asked.
Louis swung the boy down to the ground in one graceful move, and Dan
couldn’t avoid noticing the flex of muscles in his arms or the way his T-shirt
hugged his chest. He discarded the inappropriate thoughts as he knelt and
wrapped Liam’s small hands around the reel of string. He showed his son how
to turn the crank, and together they slowly brought the kite back down.
Only when it began to swoop and dive did Cara get excited again. “It’s
gonna crash. Look out!”
Sure enough. It was a near miss as the kite headed straight toward a group of
picnickers. Dan took control back from Liam and maneuvered the kite the rest of
the way to earth. Cara ran over to pick it up from the grass.
“Safe harbor,” Louis murmured. His eyes crinkled at the corners as he
smiled. Dan had noticed that permanent laugh lines grooved his cheeks and
fanned out from his eyes. Louis liked to laugh. He seemed to have a sunny
disposition and even temper. Perhaps they’d made the perfect choice for a nanny
after all. And, hey, maybe when Louis said dancing, he hadn’t meant stripping.
“Anybody hungry?” Dan asked.
“Me! Me!” Cara yelled, running over with the wilted kite crushed to her
chest.
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32
Liam mimicked his sister, calling out “Me. Me. Me,” over and over.
Bundling the kids into their car seats was a lot easier with two adults. Dan
had forgotten that. Not that Cara wasn’t pretty much able to do it for herself, but
the handholding through the parking lot was easier with extra hands. He’d
missed having a partner since he and Crissi had split.
“What about you, Mr. Krefman?” Louis resumed their conversation once
they got on the road. “Did you move here, or are you from California?”
“Palos Verdes. My parents moved here in the sixties.”
“Are they in the industry too?”
Dan laughed. “No. My father hates the entertainment industry and industry
‘types’, even though his career depends on them. He’s in real estate.”
Which made it sound as if he were a simple agent, but Stanley Krefman was
a mogul. Even the real estate collapse hadn’t touched him. The man knew how to
judge the market and how to move property no matter what.
Dan felt Louis’s gaze on him, and his skin heated.
“I take it Dad doesn’t approve of your job?” Louis said.
“I think he wanted to pass his legacy on to me, as if we were some sort of
royalty. I wasn’t interested in real estate.”
Too much sharing. Louis was an employee, not a buddy. Not that Dan
actually had a friend he talked to about personal stuff. Crissi was still his best
friend.
“Anyway, I chose to get involved in filmmaking. Thought I might like to be a
director at one point, but then I realized I’m better at the business end.”
“Mr. Moneyman. It’s the thankless part of the business. I had a friend who
was a producer. Not big-budget films like what you do, but the same principal,
keeping things fiscally sound while appeasing would-be artists.”
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33
“Exactly.” Dan glanced in the rearview to find out how they’d managed to
have an entire conversation with no interruption from Cara. She was sound
asleep with her thumb jammed in her mouth. God, she was still so young, so
vulnerable. His heart ached with love for her, and for his little boy, who
sometimes got lost in his dynamic sister’s shadow.
Louis caught the direction of his gaze. “Aw. She’s such a cutie. You got a
future heartbreaker there.” He addressed Liam, “Hey, buddy, did you like
feeding the ducks?”
Liam nodded vigorously, curls bouncing. His thumb was also embedded in
his mouth, one finger curved over his nose.
“I know a song about ducks. Want to learn it?” Louis asked.
Again Liam nodded.
“Okay. In this song, we sing el pato, but it means duck.” He sang a folk song
in Spanish in a pure tenor voice. There was a lot of quacking and wing flapping
involved, and Liam loved it. After only once through, he’d picked up the simple
tune. Dan listened, entranced, as Louis got his son to sing in both English and
Spanish.
It worried him that Liam didn’t talk much. Crissi kept telling him there was
nothing wrong, that Dr. Graham, their pediatrician, would’ve noticed if there
was. Liam was simply not much of a talker. But Dan was still anxious about it.
The fact that Liam could quickly learn a song in two languages, and pronounce
the words beautifully, went a long way toward alleviating his fears.
A good day. An altogether wonderful, happy day, and Dan credited a lot of
that to the guy setting beside him singing about ducks. Things flowed more
smoothly, the kids were happier and more obedient with Louis around. The
nanny was definitely a success with them.
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34
And if he just happened to be easy on the eyes and set all the right chords
inside Dan vibrating, well, that was a pleasant perk.
Or a problem. Time would tell.
Chapter Five
Louis crouched beside Liam, taking him by the shoulders and making eye
contact. “The playground is fun. Why don’t we go over and see what those other
kids in the sandbox are up to? I think they may be building a castle.”
He stood and clasped Liam’s hand, leading him into the preschoolers’ play
area. No wonder the shy kid was anxious. It was chaos in there. Kids zoomed
past like fighter jets, running from swing set to jungle gym, or just plain running
mindlessly. Liam pressed close to his side.
Louis steered him to the quieter backwater, where those who preferred to sit
and dig were assembled. He guided Liam to an empty spot near the castle
builders and stayed beside him. They’d watch together until Liam felt confident
enough to join in.
A little girl with bright copper-penny curls shoveled sand out of a trough.
With no water, it wouldn’t be much of a moat. And the castle was more
shapeless piles than anything else, but all the busy builders seemed content
enough. At least nobody was flinging sand at anybody. Yet.
“This is Liam,” Louis addressed the girl. “Can he help you dig?”
The girl glanced up but didn’t respond. Another shy one. Or maybe she
remembered she wasn’t supposed to talk to strangers.
Louis handed Liam his shovel and bucket and got him working. “Okay, now
I’m going to be right over there on the bench. See? I’ll be right there if you need
me.”
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36
Not giving the boy time to protest, he quickly left the play area and joined
the other nannies and few mommies who manned the benches. Occasionally
they called out encouragement or reprimands at their charges, but generally they
concentrated on gossiping. It was social time for them too.
The caregivers were mostly women, but Louis didn’t have a problem with
that. He could gossip with the best of them. He’d been coming to this park with
the kids for only a couple of weeks, but already he had a particular group of
friends.
“I see you’re making progress getting your little burr to let go.” Sondra, a
young woman originally from some midwestern town, sat with a magazine open
on her lap, which he knew she wouldn’t read, as she spent her entire time
gabbing. “Good for Liam. And good for you too. The clingy ones are the worst.”
Louis collapsed on the bench beside her, casting a glance at Liam and
exhaling in relief to see the boy focused on digging. “I’d forgotten how
exhausting kids can be. Love him, and Cara too, but they’re demanding.”
“And don’t you get bored to death sometimes?” Sondra muttered so no one
would overhear. “Kids are cute and all, but when I have a day off, I can’t wait to
break loose and party. I miss having a grown-up job.”
“Really?” a blonde girl named Abbie joined in. “You miss retail? Working for
minimum wage selling shit—I mean, stuff you could never afford to women who
wear an outfit once, then junk it? At least this pays decent.”
Louis smiled, but inside he was sighing. They’d already had this
conversation numerous times. He was sick of talking about tough financial
situations and bashing their privileged employers. But he had to agree with
Sondra. After several weeks of being almost constantly at the beck and call of
two little kids, he was starting to miss adult interactions.
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37
“What you reading?” he asked Abbie, indicating her e-reader and attempting
to change the subject.
“Something steamy. I forgot the name of the book. Best part about e-books.
You don’t have to brown paper bag the cover. It’s about this guy and this woman
and this other guy. Really hot.”
She launched into a detailed play-by-play of the plot, and Louis drifted off
into his own fantasy, recalling his brief encounters with Dan during the weeks
he’d worked for the Krefmans. Damn, the man had a hold of him. Louis couldn’t
stop obsessing. He was like a nerd with a crush on the high school football star,
somebody ridiculously out of his league. Still, he kept reliving every
conversation, weighing and measuring the possibilities in every look they’d
exchanged over the past weeks, starting with that day they’d taken the kids to
the park.
It had been one of those gold-star, press-between-the-pages-and-keep-it-
forever kind of days; the weather gorgeous, the kids happy, and their handsome
father mesmerizing—at least to Louis.
After the park, Dan had taken them to a casual but pricy restaurant where
they sat on a terrace overlooking the ocean. The kids probably would’ve been
just as happy eating fast food, but Louis appreciated the grilled salmon and
fancy vegetables. The sun slowly sank into the sea, and Dan talked a bit more
about his work, complaining a little without giving away details about the
specific film.
“My friend I told you about, the one who’s a producer, once said he treated
demanding actors as if they were children,” Louis said. “He used to say what
they really wanted was to be acknowledged, to know they had value and that
somebody cared about them.”
Bonnie Dee
38
“And to get every extra buck possible,” Dan said dryly. “Actors are adults
negotiating for the best deal through an agent who’s not emotionally invested. I
don’t think desire for validation has much to do with it.”
“Well, of course they want the Benjamins too, but think about the odd
demands some actors make. Certain things they want on set and stuff like that.
It’s not just about demonstrating who’s got the power. They want a personal
affirmation of their worth.”
Dan shook his head. “Needy.”
“Isn’t everybody?”
And then Cara had spilled her milk and Liam chose that moment to start
crying because he was worn out from the park, proving Louis’s point. They’d
had to leave the restaurant in a hurry, but it was still one of the best dinners out
Louis could ever remember having.
“Hey, Louis, how is it working for Crissi Jondalar?” Sondra interrupted
Louis from his dreamy recollections, which had just started to drift toward the
way Dan Krefman’s jeans molded his ass when he bent to pick up the carryall.
“Good. She may be a household name, but she’s no diva. Just a mom, you
know? I like her, and we get along fine.”
“How about that hot husband of hers, the producer?” Abbie asked. “I’ve
seen photos of them back when they were together. So gorgeous.”
Yes, he certainly is. “Dan’s a great guy and a devoted father.”
“So what’s the scoop? Have any idea why they got divorced? I heard Crissi
was having an affair with her costar on Cooper’s Town.”
“Supposedly Krefman’s gay and finally came out,” Sondra said. “Is that true,
Louis?”
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39
“I couldn’t say. I don’t know anything about their divorce or their love lives.
They both seem pretty much like workaholics to me. Don’t know when they’d
have time for any affairs.”
“Yeah, but you’d know if the guy was gay, right? You could tell.”
“Well, he didn’t know the secret handshake, so…” Louis glanced back and
forth between the two young women. Both were staring at him. “Kidding, ladies.
Jeez. Whoops, here comes Liam, and he doesn’t look happy.”
The boy was wailing. Tears streaked his cheeks as he ran, open armed,
toward Louis. He was gritty with sand when Louis pulled him up onto his lap.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?”
“Aw, looks like he got sand in his eyes.” Sondra started swabbing Liam’s
face with a damp washcloth from her diaper bag, while Abbie went to check on
their two charges.
After Liam’s roars subsided to sniffles and he was cuddled with his face
tucked against Louis’s chest, Sondra continued her fact-finding mission.
“You like Krefman, don’t you? I didn’t want to talk in front of Abbie, but I
can tell by the way you perked up at the mention of him.”
“I may have a little crush, but it doesn’t mean anything,” Louis admitted.
“It’s not going anywhere.”
“It could. You should think about tapping that. I mean, why wouldn’t you?
He’s rich and powerful and good looking. I’d be all over him if I were you.”
“Sondra, shh.” Louis indicated Liam with a jerk of his head. “He’s not deaf.”
“He’s just a little kid. He’s not paying attention, and if he was, he wouldn’t
understand what we’re talking about. Anyway, I’m just saying you should keep
your options open. If you see a chance, take it. You could be set.”
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40
Louis rolled his eyes at her social-climbing daydreams. Sondra would’ve
been right at home if she’d lived in Regency England, maneuvering to land
herself a duke or something.
But even though he brushed off her comments and changed the subject, he
couldn’t stop the niggling whispers her words had set off in him. It would be so
easy. He’d done that kind of thing many times before. He knew how to attract
men’s interest, if not always how to keep it long term. He knew how to get them
to invite him in and take care of him. Until his most recent rattrap apartment,
he’d never had to pay rent. There’d always been a soft place to land.
But damn it, he was done being Blanche DuBois and depending on the
kindness of strangers. If he was going to have sex, it would be for the sake of sex,
not to angle himself into a better position.
Damn, just thinking of sex made him realize how badly he needed to get
laid. Sondra was right. It was time for some grown-up interactions. Time for a
night out.
Chapter Six
A nightclub. It had to be a nightclub.
Dan looked around the loud, flashy, crowded space and sank into himself
just a little further. He was not a nightclub kind of guy. The techno-trance music,
or whatever they called it, assaulted his ears and gave him a headache. The sea of
shirtless men with chiseled pecs and abs might be a visual feast, but they also
made him acutely aware of how un-chiseled his own physique was. Sweaty
bodies jostled together, swaying and gyrating in a tribal dance. And, while he
couldn’t deny the way his cock was beginning to stand to attention, he had zero
desire to join in.
“Hot, huh? I told you. This is the place right now.”
Dan glanced over at his date, nodded and smiled. He didn’t bother speaking.
Chaz wouldn’t hear him over the music anyway, not unless he shouted in the
guy’s ear.
Mara, the friend who’d arranged this blind date, hadn’t exaggerated her
cousin’s looks. Chaz was physically attractive with sandy blond hair, dazzling
white teeth and a good build. But Dan was beginning to think Mara didn’t know
him at all if she thought someone like Chaz would be a good match for him. The
guy was self-centered. He’d carried the conversation all evening with no help
from Dan. Seemed to prefer it that way as he talked on and on and on.
Hell, maybe Mara hadn’t been at all concerned about matching personalities.
She was probably just thinking it was about time Dan got laid. And that was
clearly a possibility tonight, from the looks Chaz kept giving him.
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The sad thing was, Dan would probably go for it. He was tired of being gay
in theory only and was ready to take action. He’d just hoped it would be with
someone more interesting than a Chaz.
He stared across his drink at the dance floor full of beautiful tight young
bodies and older ones starting to soften a bit but, with the help of physical
trainers, still fit enough. Evidently the bouncer barred the truly old and sagging
from the club in order to keep the mood ever youthful and exciting.
“I said ‘Want to dance?’” Chaz shouted in his ear. The sour smell of whisky
made Dan’s nostril’s flare.
“I, uh…” Dan stared at one of the dancers. A colored spotlight illuminated a
face he was beginning to know very well. Louis’s head was thrown back, his face
bathed in rose light. His eyes were closed, lips curved in a smile. His arms waved
above his head, and his body swayed as sinuously as a cobra. His body was…
God, it was beautiful. Shirtless. Muscled. Sweaty. Male. Dan could taste the salt
as he imagined licking a bead of sweat off the plane of Louis’s chest.
“That’s my nanny,” Dan blurted.
Luckily, Chaz didn’t seem to hear the inane comment. He grabbed Dan’s arm
and began to pull him toward the floor.
“Oh no. I don’t really, uh, dance.” Dan dug his heels in like a stubborn mule.
“Come on. That’s what we’re here for, to cut loose,” Chaz yelled. “Hey, if
you’re not into me, that’s cool. Mara said you needed some new friends. I can
introduce you to some guys I know. Maybe you’ll find someone you hit it off
with.”
“Uh.” That seemed to be Dan’s default word of the night. His heart was
beating furiously. He wanted to find a bed and hide underneath it. He was so out
of his comfort zone here. “I really don’t dance,” he repeated, but Chaz
relentlessly dragged him into the crowd of gyrating bodies.
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43
Dan did the white man’s shuffle, tentatively moving his weight back and
forth from one foot to the other. He hadn’t danced, other than an occasional slow
dance, even with Crissi. Such wild abandon was beyond him. He felt as if he’d
waded into a pit of sex—whatever that meant. He was surrounded by the smell
of desire, lust, eroticism, maleness.
Occasionally, from his perch above the dance floor, he’d noticed a pair of
men peel off from the group and go to the back room, the restrooms, or leave the
club. Random hookups. Could he do something like that? He pictured himself
grabbing Louis’s hand and pulling him off the dance floor toward some private
destination. No! He definitely could not do something like that, at least not with
the man who most attracted him.
Chaz was twisting and shaking in fervent moves that took Dan’s breath
away—not because the dancing was sexy but because he had to hold his breath
to keep from laughing. Some guys could make moves like that; some couldn’t.
Chaz definitely couldn’t. But then, Dan wasn’t in a position to judge.
He leaned in and shouted an excuse for leaving at Chaz, who didn’t seem to
care much as he was busy trying his moves on a hot young dude with flowing
hair. Dan bumped and shuffled his way toward the edge of the dance floor in
preparation for making a run for it.
He turned and found himself face-to-face with Louis. The man’s sleek black
hair was plastered to his head. His body was drenched with sweat. His tan skin
glowed under the rose-colored light. The angular lines of his nose, cheekbones
and jaw contrasted with soft, full lips. Kissable lips.
Shut up! Dan ordered his unruly mind.
Louis opened his eyes and blinked when he saw Dan standing right in front
of him, no longer even trying to dance.
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“Mr. Krefman.” Dan could hardly hear Louis’s voice over the thudding
music, but Louis’s mouth shaped the words. Hadn’t he told the man to call him
Dan yet?
Dan froze, nodded an acknowledgement, tried to dodge off the dance floor,
but someone bumped into him, knocking him closer to Louis. So close he could
feel the incredible heat of the man’s body and smell the enticing odor of sweat.
He braced his hands against Louis’s chest in order to regain his balance and felt
slick, hot skin. The beating of the other man’s heart thudded into his palms.
For one insane moment, he thought he was going to curve his hands over
Louis’s shoulders, grab him and pull him closer. Press his mouth against those
kissable lips and let hell bust loose. If he’d had just one more drink tonight, he
might have been loose enough to do it. But, thank heavens, he was still in
control. He tightened the reins on his galloping desires and got them back in
hand.
He was surrounded by a club chockfull of eligible bachelors if he was that
desperate to fuck someone. He would not get busy with the best nanny his
children had ever had and take a chance on messing up that relationship.
Dan let his hands slide off Louis’s chest, and he hurried from the dance floor.
He kept going, aiming for the exit like a guided missile.
Not until he was outside, past the bouncer and the line still waiting to get
into the club, did Dan draw a deep breath of exhaust-perfumed air. He felt as if
he’d had a near-death experience.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t pretend he hadn’t run into Louis at the club. They
might have to talk about it later. But by then he’d have his cool back in place and
could treat the encounter lightly—as nonchalantly as it deserved, because really
nothing at all had happened.
Only in his mind.
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In the blink of an eye, Dan had imagined the two of them coming together,
thrashing as wildly as a pair of beached fished, coiled around each other, bodies
thrusting, thrusting… His cock ached and throbbed with the heat of it. In his
moments-long fantasy, he’d brought them to fulfillment and its breathless
aftermath.
Oh yes, he was a master of sex in his mind. But yet another evening ripe with
opportunities had passed, and his fantasies were still unrealized.
Dan held up a hand and hailed a cab.
Running into Dan at Fortune 500—literally—had been like a simultaneous
shot of adrenaline and a cold shower. Louis’s pulse, already racing from dancing,
had rocketed at the unexpected encounter, and his libido, also already pumped
from dancing with a lot of half-naked men, had been ready to leap at Dan,
roaring like a lion, tackle him to the dance floor and writhe on top of him.
But the moment Dan had backed off, Louis went from a hundred miles an
hour to neutral. He was no longer interested in hooking up with one of the sexy
guys he’d danced with that evening. He was, apparently, no longer interested in
anyone but the one man he couldn’t have. A half hour later and Louis’s chest still
burned where Dan’s hands had pressed against him. Just great.
The cute redheaded guy with the freckles, who’d been buzzing around him
all night, leaned in to say, “Wanna get out of here?” His hand cupped Louis’s
crotch in blatant invitation. Nothing. No stirring of life at the touch. What the
hell?
Louis shook his head and stepped back. “Sorry. Not tonight,” he shouted.
“I’ve got…” What? Someplace to be? Not so much. But he suddenly didn’t want
to be in the club at all, doing the same old troll and hookup. He waved good-bye
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46
to the adorable ginger, and the guy turned to a new dance partner without
missing a beat.
Louis grabbed his shirt and bid a quick good-bye to the friends he was with.
Once outside the club, he scanned the area in the vague hope Dan might be
waiting there to talk to him. Of course, the man was long gone. Unreasonable
disappointment shot through him.
As Louis drove back up the hill to his new lodgings at Crissi’s house, he
thought about how out of place Dan had looked in the club. Even wearing casual
clothes, he’d appeared rigid and buttoned down. His polo shirt and slacks
would’ve been more appropriate on a golf course. Clearly the guy didn’t make a
habit of seeking out the nightlife. Maybe it had even been his first visit to a place
like that. Louis wondered who he’d gone with, because surely he wouldn’t have
been there alone.
Did Dan have a boyfriend? Someone he kept private so Louis had never seen
the man when he was over at Dan’s with the kids? Or had Dan been out with
friends? What was his social life like now that he’d left his wife and come out of
the closet? Inquiring minds wanted to know.
Not that it was any of Louis’s business at all. But maybe Dan would like
someone to talk to about what he was going through. Maybe Louis could be a
friend as well as an employee.
When he reached Crissi’s house, Louis let himself in the side entrance. The
drone of the TV and glow of light coming from the family room let him know she
was still up. He didn’t want to intrude on her privacy, so he headed quietly
toward his room.
But Crissi called out to him. “Is that you, Louis?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He went down the hall and poked his head into the room.
“Sorry to bother you.”
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“You didn’t. Come in. Have a drink.” Crissi was curled up on the couch
under an afghan. She raised her glass of wine at him. Her slurred words
suggested she’d had a few glasses already.
Louis glanced at the TV screen. She was watching Pretty in Pink, of all things.
He grinned.
“Don’t judge,” Crissi said as she took another sip of her wine. “This is one of
my favorites.”
“Hey, I love me some John Hughes. Who doesn’t?”
“Dan, for one. He thinks these corny old movies are stupid. They are. I know
that. But they’re…”
“Comfort movies. I get it.”
Louis got an empty glass from the sideboard while Crissi reached for the
bottle of wine on the coffee table. She filled his glass much higher than he
wanted her to. Louis dropped into an armchair, kicked off his shoes and settled
in to watch the movie.
Crissi wrinkled her nose as she stared at the screen. “Do you ever think our
lives would be better if they had a soundtrack?”
“And everything wrapped up as sweet as a romantic comedy by the final
reel,” Louis added. “It’d be nice to know for sure that happy ever after was
predetermined.”
“With just some speed bumps on the way,” Crissi muttered.
“Crappy day?”
“Crappy year.” She squinted at him. “What do you think of Dan?”
“Um…”
She waved a hand. “Sorry. Forget I asked. I’m not still hung up on him, but
it’s not that easy to let go of our history together, you know?”
“Mm-hm.”
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“There’s actually someone I’ve been seeing.” She put her finger to her lips
and hissed, “Shh. Supposed to be a secret.”
Whoa, she was drunker than he’d thought.
“But you notice its Saturday night, and I’m alone. I don’t think there’s any
future in this fling. I’m starting to wonder if I keep making bad decisions to
punish myself or something. Repeating a cycle. Or maybe there are just no good
men—straight, unmarried men at least—left in LA. What do you think?”
“Trust me, I understand about making bad love-life choices. You are not
alone there, hija. But I truly believe the right man will come along for you if you
keep putting yourself out there. You’re a beautiful, intelligent, successful
woman, and everything good will come to you.”
Crissi’s lower lip began to tremble, and her eyes glistened. She turned her
attention back to the screen, where Ducky was striving to impress his beloved by
lip-syncing Try a Little Tenderness. “I l-love this guy,” she choked. “Molly
Ringwald’s a douche for not seeing him right in front of her.”
“Agreed. She’s also a terrible actress.”
“Not! Take that back.” She stifled a burp.
Louis set down his glass. “Why don’t I make you a sandwich? You’ll feel
better in the morning if you put something in your stomach now.”
“Okay,” Crissi said in a small voice. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” He rose, hesitated a moment, then reached out to stroke her
hair. Sometimes a mommy needed nannying too. “Everything’s going to turn out
just fine in the end. You’ll see.”
Chapter Seven
Cara was in a foul mood, and Liam reflected her like the moon reflecting the
sun’s light—or, in this case, darkness. Both kids were cranky and whiny on the
long drive from their mom’s house to their dad’s.
In the driveway, Louis argued with Cara while he unbuckled Liam from his
car seat. “No, I won’t, and don’t ask me why not. You know the answer.”
“You’re mean. I hate you!”
Louis sighed. He was supposed to correct her when she said that, tell her to
find a more polite way to express her disappointment. Crissi was very clear on
that. But he was too worn out to waste any more words on the kid. If he said
something at the moment, it might be along the lines of I hate you too, you little
brat.
Liam squirmed like an eel in Louis’s arms, managing to kick him in the gut
before Louis set him on the ground. Immediately, the boy trotted up the
walkway to his father’s front door.
“You’ll survive without Pasha for a couple of nights. You brought Keiko
along, and she’ll just have to do,” Louis continued.
“I don’t want Keiko. I want Pasha,” Cara’s voice rose, threatening a squall.
Clearly, further discussion was going to get them nowhere. Louis ended the
argument with a polite, “I understand that you’re feeling very sad about
forgetting Pasha. I’m sorry about that, but we’re not going all the way back to get
her.”
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He grabbed the kids’ overnight bags from the SUV and closed the door. Cara
could either sit there, continuing to whine, or follow him into the house. She
chose to wail and rage a few minutes longer, her voice following him up the
path; then she finally got out of the car and stomped after him. If she’d known
any swear words, no doubt she would’ve used them.
Louis had his key out to unlock the front door when Dan opened it. He was
wearing board shorts and a faded T-shirt, a day’s worth of stubble on his jaw. He
looked sexy as hell. Louis’s heart gave a little extra beat. He swallowed.
“Uh, hey. I didn’t think you’d be home this early.”
“I worked from home today. Decided to do some stuff around the house. But
thanks for bringing the kids over so I didn’t have to go get them.”
“Daddy, we forgot Pasha. We have to go home and get her.” Cara stabbed a
finger at Louis. “He won’t do it. Will you drive me?”
Louis clenched his jaw, biting down on the automatic “no” that rose to his
lips. Luckily, Dan, glancing back and forth between them, got the lay of the land
and backed Louis’s decision.
“Sorry, honey. It’s too far. You’ll just have to live without Pasha for a couple
of nights.”
“I want to go home,” Cara wailed and ran off to her bedroom.
“Which one’s Pasha?” Dan asked.
“The rainbow teddy bear.”
“That’s not even her favorite, is it? I thought she liked that killer whale.”
“Keiko. Yeah. Cara’s just in a mood. If it hadn’t been about Pasha, it
would’ve been something else. I think she had a hard time at school today, but
she hasn’t said anything yet.”
Dan sighed, his shoulders slumping. “Daughters are hard, and she’s only
five.”
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51
“Naw. It’s not true what people say about girls being more difficult than
boys. They just process things a different way, and you have to get used to it.
Besides, any kid might act out after a bad day. It’s perfectly normal.”
Dan carried Liam on one hip and walked into the house. “I’m glad you know
kids, because I don’t. I’ve never been around them much, and I don’t know what
I’m doing half the time.”
“No parent does. You feel your way along as best you can and just let ’em
know you love them no matter what.”
The man’s sideways glance and smile sent Louis’s heart knocking against his
breastbone. He vividly remembered the feeling of Dan’s hands pressed against
his chest at the club the other night—the way those hands had lingered a few
moments longer than necessary before they slid away and Dan had run off.
“How’d you get so wise?”
“Like I said, I grew up taking care of younger kids. But before I was in foster
homes, I had the best mom ever. She worked a couple jobs, so she wasn’t around
a lot, but when she was, she gave me her entire attention. In the end, that’s all
that matters to kids.”
“I’m sorry you lost her.” Dan set Liam down on the floor, and the boy
wandered off toward the living room. “It must have been devastating.”
Louis flashed on the day he’d come home to find his mom unconscious on
the floor, followed by her brief hospital stay, her funeral attended by most
everybody in their neighborhood, and the aftermath when he’d learned he
wouldn’t be able to stay with Mrs. Rosario, who wasn’t a blood relative. Child
Protective Services had whisked him away to his new life before he’d even had a
chance to adjust to his loss.
“Yeah, it was a real hard time.” He shrugged. “That which doesn’t kill you
makes you stronger, right?”
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“How old were you?”
“Twelve.” Louis was getting uncomfortable with the personal questions, so
he switched the topic back to Cara. “Anyway, when Cara’s ready, she’ll tell one
of us what’s bothering her. Meantime, you can ask questions and see if she’ll
start talking. Or just give her lots of hugs.”
“Hugs I can do.” Dan smiled again. Damn, he had a nice smile. It completely
transformed his somber face. “Look, why don’t you take a break from the kids.
I’ll deal with them for a while.”
“Sure,” Louis agreed and headed toward his room—not as spacious as the
one at Crissi’s house but with an even more impressive view. Living with the
rich was wonderful. It was a bit strange, living in someone else’s house, trying
not to intrude on their private family time yet be available at a moment’s notice.
But after a lifetime of fitting himself into other people’s lives, Louis was an expert
at being accommodating.
He unpacked his stuff, not having enough clothes to leave part of his
wardrobe at each residence, then decided to go outside and get some sun. After
putting on a pair of trunks, he swam laps in Dan’s pool. The workout relaxed the
tension in his muscles as he backstroked from one end of the pool to the other.
He gazed up at the glorious blue sky. The hellacious traffic he’d fought to get
here and the kids’ whiny voices began to fade into a hazy memory. Peace and
well-being seeped into his very bones. He could get very used to living like this.
If only his attraction to the boss would stop pricking at him like a junkie’s
needle, he’d be absolutely content.
Cara was facedown on her bed, sobbing, when Dan entered her room. He
took a deep breath before sitting beside her and resting a hand on her back.
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“Honey, what is it? What’s bothering you?”
“Pasha! I want Pasha.” The words were muffled by the pillow.
“Is that really it? Maybe there’s something else you’re upset about too.”
“I don’t like it here. I wanna go home.”
The words struck him like a fist to the gut. In the year since the divorce, Cara
had been really good about accepting that Daddy lived someplace else now.
She’d had her moments, of course, but overall she’d been so well-adjusted about
the split, it was almost unnatural. Now Dan wondered how long she’d been
burying her feelings.
“I’m sorry, Care Bear. It must be hard to bounce back and forth between
Mommy’s house and here. I love having you over and spending time with you,
but if it ever feels like too much, if you ever just want to stay home, we can talk
about it—you and me and Mommy.”
“And Louis?”
“Um, well, Louis is your nanny. He’ll be with you whichever house you’re
at.”
Cara rolled over and looked up at him through swollen eyes. “I like Louis.
Do you think he’s mad at me now? ’Cause I told him I hated him when he
wouldn’t go back for Pasha.”
“That was a mean thing to say, but I’m pretty sure Louis understands you’re
having a bad day. If you go to him and say you’re sorry, I bet he’ll forgive you.”
“I don’t really hate Louis.” Cara took a shaky breath. “But I do hate school.”
“Why? Can you tell me about it?”
She shrugged. “There are mean girls. Two of ’em. I hate them.”
“Cara, please stop saying you hate people. You can say ‘they make me mad’
instead.”
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Dan wasn’t sure he agreed with Crissi’s edict against saying “hate”. It was
shorthand for disliking something or someone, just like “love” might equally be
applied to chocolate cake or a person. He didn’t want to stifle Cara’s ability to
express what she was feeling. But Crissi was pretty adamant, and probably she
was right.
“They make me so mad, I hate them,” Cara said.
Dan dropped it. “What do they do?”
Cara took another deep breath and launched into a laundry list of complaints
about Beth and Brianna, the two evil bees of the kindergarten class, according to
her.
As he listened, Dan wondered when it was time to intervene and talk to the
teacher and when it was best to let kids work out their own shit. It was
impossible to know. Maybe all he really needed to do, for now, was listen, share
what he’d learned with Crissi and then keep on top of the situation.
When Cara finally wound down, he leaned and kissed her hot, wet cheek.
“Sounds like you’ve been having a really bad time with those girls.”
“Yeah. Can you tell them to stop being mean to me?”
“Well, sometimes you have to just learn to get along with people you don’t
like. It’s not easy, but that’s part of growing up.” He paused. “You keep telling
me or your mom or Louis when you’re unhappy. If you aren’t able to work
things out with those girls on your own, then maybe we can help. But sometimes
enemies can become friends if you keep on being nice to them.”
He sounded like some stupid public service announcement about bullying.
Was he setting his daughter up to get tormented some more by little snots?
Damn, making decisions as a dad was hard.
He stood up and held out his hand. “Tell you what. Why don’t you put on
your swimsuit while I get Liam changed, and we’ll join Louis in the pool.”
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“Okay, Daddy.” She bounced off the bed and pounced on her pony-
decorated overnight bag.
Dan went to get Liam from the living room, where he was happily stacking
blocks and humming to himself. Dan watched his son for a few moments—so
quiet, so introverted. Was that normal?
When Liam glanced up and saw him, he grinned from ear to ear and
scrambled to his feet to run over and hold up his arms. Dan scooped him up,
tossed him high, then took him to his room to get changed.
With both kids in tow, he headed to the pool. Louis was backstroking across
the surface, arms cutting cleanly through the water, body glistening in the
sunlight. One eyeful of that tan skin and that compact form and Dan’s cock
began to harden. Damn it! His body seemed to react at its most primitive level to
the sight of Louis, whether the man was clothed or half naked. What was it about
the guy? In a club full of hot, hunky men, Dan’s attention had immediately been
drawn to Louis. There was no reason for this sudden blaze of attraction. Louis
was attractive enough but not exceptional. But, apparently, Dan’s cock thought
he was.
Cara ran to the pool house to get her armbands and toys. Dan got his libido
under control by not gaping at Louis and led Liam to the steps in the shallow
end. They slowly descended into the cool water. Liam was tentative but not
afraid of the water. He’d been swimming since before he could crawl. As soon as
he’d submerged himself to the neck, the little boy started paddling around. Dan
made sure he didn’t cross the line to the deep end.
Cara returned with her arm floats on—the only way Dan would allow her
access to the entire pool, even though she could swim like a fish. She wasn’t
happy about the flotation devices curbing her acrobatics but conceded the point
in order to be able to jump off the diving board.
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Louis splashed over to join him. “Your kids are great swimmers. Did they
have lessons?”
“Yeah. I think maybe Cara’s ready to lose the armbands and learn to dive
properly.” They watched her leap fearlessly off the board and go deep
underwater before the devices brought her bobbing back to the surface.
“I never swam much growing up,” Louis said. “There was a city pool we
used to go to sometimes, but it was always crowded, and the chlorine stung my
eyes. I didn’t like it. Out here though, I’ve learned to love it.”
“You swim well.”
Crap. That made it sound as if he’d been watching, which he had been.
A moment of silence followed; then Louis said out of the blue, “It was kind
of weird running into you the other night. I thought maybe we should, uh, clear
the air about it. Or not.”
Dan snuck a glance at Louis, bobbing in the water and tossing a spongy fish
to Liam. Was that a blush darkening his face? So, the nightclub meeting had been
on his mind too. It made Dan feel better to know he wasn’t the only one who’d
been taken aback by the unexpected meeting, or dwelled on it.
“It was a little awkward, but it’s not a big deal. We’re not likely to run into
each other someplace like that again. Clubs aren’t really my thing.”
“What is your thing? I mean, where do you usually go to meet…new
friends?”
If Louis was mildly blushing, Dan had no doubt his own face was flaming.
He never talked about this sort of thing, certainly not with the babysitter,
definitely not in front of his kids, even if they weren’t paying attention.
“I haven’t… I don’t have time to go out. I work a lot.”
Louis bit his lower lip and floated the fish back over to Liam. “Not much of a
social life, then. I didn’t think you looked like you wanted to be dancing.”
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“A friend set up a blind date. Look, I’m really not comfortable discussing
this.” Dan turned his attention back to Cara, who was yelling for him to watch
her jump.
“Sure. Sorry.”
Louis continued playing catch-the-fish with Liam while Dan watched Cara
dogpaddling across the pool toward him.
“Great job, Kermit,” he said when she reached him, splashing and gasping.
“Can I take these off?” She stood on the bottom step and started pulling off
her armbands. “I can swim without them now, and you can show me how to
dive.”
“Sure. I guess so.” Dan helped her remove the offensive lifesaving devices
and glanced over at Louis, now helping Liam float on his back.
The stupid thing was he actually did want to talk to Louis about subjects that
weren’t appropriate for an employer and employee to discuss. Yes, he was
undeniably attracted to the man, but even more than that, he would’ve liked to
have a friend, someone experienced at living a gay lifestyle, someone he could
really talk to about this new course he’d embarked on. But he’d never had a true
friend like that in the past, so he supposed he’d carry on just fine without one
now.
Dan worked with Cara on learning to submerge without pinching her nose
closed, and then he taught her the proper form for diving rather than just
jumping off the diving board. By the time even die-hard Cara was ready to leave
the water, two hours had passed. Louis was lying on a lounge by the pool with
Liam cuddled in his arms, half asleep. Such a cute picture, it tugged at Dan’s
heart.
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After drying and dressing the kids and parking them in front of the TV, Dan
fired up the grill, and Louis helped him by setting the table and cutting
vegetables.
The silence between them was a little strained. Dan felt bad about the abrupt
way he’d shut Louis down when he’d tried to have a personal conversation. He
broke the silence by talking about Cara.
“Found out what’s bothering Cara. Some girls at school are harassing her.”
He placed chicken on the grill, and the dripping marinade set the flames sizzling.
“I figured it was something like that. Poor baby. Mean girls are the worst.
How do you want to handle it?”
“It’s hard to know when to intervene. I’m going to suggest to Crissi we take
a wait-and-watch approach for now, try to let Cara work out her issues on her
own.”
“Sounds good. It’s not easy letting kids fight their own battles, but
sometimes it’s the best thing.”
Louis came over with a plate of cut vegetables. He stood beside Dan and
watched him add them to the grill.
“Did you ever have to deal with bullies growing up?” Dan asked.
“Oh hell yeah. My school was not a friendly place. I got double-barrel abuse
for being a foster kid and for being gay. These kids weren’t tolerant of outsiders.”
“How’d you cope with that?” Dan poked at the meat but glanced sideways
at Louis. He’d always felt like an outsider, though he’d camouflaged himself so
well no one at school had ever caught on. He’d been athletic and popular and a
complete fraud.
“Uh, let’s see. When I was little, I rolled up like a possum and played dead;
then I hit puberty and got a little aggressive, got into a lot of fights, a lot of
trouble. But suddenly around junior year, I got my shit together, learned how to
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handle people and became weirdly super popular. Hell, I was even prom king
senior year. Stood there with the prettiest girl in the school on my arm.”
“How?”
“How did I go from zero to hero so fast?”
“Well…yeah. Did you change schools or something? How did you get those
kids to accept you?” Dan couldn’t imagine his high school crowd ever embracing
someone like Louis.
“By acting differently. I gained self-confidence, went at life with a balls-out
attitude, but positive, not a negative ‘fuck you’ vibe like I’d had before. People
respond to honest friendliness. They really do.” He laughed, a warm chuckle that
ignited heat in the pit of Dan’s stomach. “Also it didn’t hurt that gay was
suddenly ‘in’. The popular girls switched gears and took a shine to me like I was
some new accessory. A purse pooch, maybe. That went a long way toward
winning me the crown.”
“Huh.” Dan turned the vegetables and spritzed them with more oil.
“What about you, if it’s not too personal? What’s your story?”
Yes, it was too personal, yet Dan found himself suddenly eager to blurt it
out.
“I, uh… I don’t really have a story.” It was harder to talk than he’d expected.
“Sure you do. Everybody does,” Louis coaxed.
“I guess I was a standard-issue jock. Probably did my share of being the
bully, or at least laughing when my friends picked on people. I wasn’t a very
nice guy.”
Louis nodded, accepting that. “Did you know you were gay?”
“I must have. A big clue was that I was more interested in watching the guys
in the locker room than some cheerleader’s bouncing boobs. But I was deep in
denial.”
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Again Louis nodded. “I figured.”
Dan stopped pretending to tend the food on the grill. He glanced through
the glass doors which framed the kids curled up on the couch, the light from the
TV flickering on their sleepy faces. Then he turned to Louis and really looked at
him for the first time.
“I imagine you can figure the rest too. I tried to deny how I felt, concentrated
on my career and buried my real self even further by marrying Crissi. I can’t
regret it, because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have them.” He nodded at the kids. “But
it was a terrible thing to do to Crissi.”
“That’s harsh,” Louis agreed. “But you couldn’t come to a realization until
you were ready. So what finally brought you out?”
“I can’t pinpoint an exact event. It was more of a cumulative thing, years of
pretending and then a couple of really bad months. One night, I looked at Crissi
and realized I could hardly bear to touch her anymore—not even a simple hug—
and I knew it was over. Then I had to muster up the courage to tell her the truth,
and that took another few months.” He rubbed a hand over his face,
remembering the pressure and mounting anxiety as he wrestled with the truth.
“Jesus. Here’s the worst part. Brace yourself.”
“Okay.” A smile flickered over Louis’s face, golden in the light of the setting
sun.
“I confessed on our anniversary. Our anniversary! Told her I wanted a
divorce and then spilled everything I was feeling. God, it was horrible.”
“Ouch.” Louis winced.
Dan exhaled a deep breath that felt as if it had been stuck in his lungs for
years. His chest ached as he let it go. “I’ve never talked about this to anyone
besides Crissi. I don’t have friends I could discuss it with.”
“You don’t believe in therapists?”
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“My family isn’t the type that believes in laying out its guts for some
stranger to poke through, so I never even considered one.”
“Yeah, me neither. Even if I could afford it, I’d imagine my mom’s voice
saying what a waste of good money it was.” Louis smiled again, another flash of
pretty white teeth that made Dan feel hotter than the grill.
“Damn, I can’t believe I told you all this.” Dan’s euphoria began to evaporate
as he realized what power he’d placed in this near stranger’s hands. “The reason
for our divorce isn’t widely known, though there are plenty of rumors
circulating. I prefer to keep my private life private as much as possible.”
“Got it. You can trust me. I’m not a gossip.” Louis touched his arm, a light
pat of camaraderie. “Looks like everything’s almost ready. I’ll go get the kids.”
He walked away, leaving a palpable vacuum in his absence.
Dan forked the food onto platters and carried it to the table, poured wine for
himself and Louis, juice for the kids. Dusk had settled over the terrace, and the
inside lights illuminated the living room like a stage. Dan watched Louis gently
nudge Cara and Liam toward waking, then take their hands to lead them to the
table. He was so good with them, so nurturing and kind.
A new kind of warmth filled Dan, different from the hot stabs of lust he
usually experienced at the sight of Louis, something glowing and sweet. He
could get used to having a friend to talk to, a partner in caring for the kids,
although he’d had both of those things in Crissi. The difference was he could
imagine Louis as a lover too, someone he’d reach for with true passion and
desire. His cock jerked at the mere thought of Louis in his arms and in his bed.
But satisfying such urges was impossible. He’d have to settle for as platonic a
relationship with Louis as he had with Crissi. An affair that blazed hot, then
burned out could leave his kids without the best nanny they’d ever had.
Chapter Eight
Smooth sailing wasn’t a phenomenon Louis was familiar with. His life had
been such a series of choppy waves that he couldn’t help expecting the calm to
end and an unexpected current to drag him under. But for several weeks, he
lived a pretty uneventful routine. He played with the kids, prepared meals for
them, took them to and from play dates, the park, Cara’s school, Tiny Tumblers.
He took them to meet Crissi on the set of her latest movie and tucked them in
bed on the nights she couldn’t make it home for good-night kisses.
He transported them to their dad’s house and stayed there over long
weekends, or sometimes weekdays, spending precious minutes with Dan while
continuing to deny the sexual tension that percolated in the air between them. It
was always there, though, a banked fire that threatened to flare up if they fanned
it even a little. He no longer doubted Dan felt the same way. The man’s face was
an open book—an erotic book just waiting to be enacted in real life, Louis
imagined.
To vent the building head of steam, Louis hooked up with old friends for sex
benefits on his days off. The act fulfilled its purpose of relieving his tension
temporarily, yet every time he was close to Dan, desire returned stronger than
ever.
Those dark, somber eyes. That serious mouth that offered rare glints of
happiness usually directed at the children. The shock of dark brown hair, cut too
close. Louis could see curls would bust loose if Dan ever let it grow a few extra
inches. That lithe, lean body, hidden under well-tailored suits, or on full display
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in swimwear. Could he be blamed for staring when Dan wore nothing but loose-
fitting trunks riding low on his hips?
After their one intimate conversation, Dan had never offered personal
information again. They talked mostly about the kids’ schedules, the weather,
LA traffic, current events, the film industry. Louis wanted to dig deeper, but Dan
held him at arm’s length, and since Cara and Liam were ever-present
chaperones, it was easy to keep things surface. Safe.
During one visit at Dan’s house, Louis had an unscheduled evening off.
“Go ahead,” Dan said. “Run errands. See your friends or whatever. I’ve got
things under control. I won’t need you tonight.”
Pretty bad when a night off work didn’t sound appealing. Louis got ready to
leave, and when he came out of his room, Dan and the kids were sitting down to
spaghetti at the kitchen table.
“Aren’t you hungry?” Cara said. “Eat with us.”
Louis inhaled the fragrance of garlic and fresh basil. His stomach rumbled.
“No, peach pie. I’ve got things to do. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
He quickly walked out before Cara could dig in her heels and really start
begging. The girl could be stubborn about getting her way.
Dutifully, he drove around the city, doing some shopping and mostly
finding things he thought one of the Krefmans might like or need. He didn’t
have to run the same sorts of errands he used to. Laundry, for example, could be
done any time at one of the Krefmans’ houses. He texted a couple of friends, but
nobody was available, and he realized he didn’t feel like spending time with
them anyway.
At loose ends, feeling restless and ill at ease, Louis decided to drive up the
coastline. Mile after mile, he watched the sun sink toward the horizon, then erupt
in a blaze of glorious Technicolor just before it was extinguished by the ocean.
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Only when his clunker began to make a weird noise did he turn back. He white-
knuckled it all the way to Dan’s place, praying the stalwart Taurus wouldn’t
strand him on the side of a busy highway. Evidently, car maintenance was the
errand he should’ve been running that evening.
The old car wheezed the circuitous route uphill and stopped with a gasp in
Dan’s driveway. Louis exhaled a sigh of relief as he got out. Maybe it was time to
retire the old girl and invest in something new.
Inside, The Wizard of Oz was playing on the television, but the living room
was empty. Louis paused to watch the flying monkeys attack and jumped a little
when Dan’s voice came from behind him.
“Short night.”
Louis turned, and, in a Pavlovian response, his cock began to rise at the sight
of Dan. “My car’s acting up, so I came home. Kids asleep?”
“Just put them to bed.”
For a moment, they stood in silence, nothing to say, crazy energy crackling
around them like an electrical storm, while Dorothy screamed and kicked her
legs and the monkeys bore her off to the witch’s castle.
Louis told himself to move on. By giving him the night off, Dan had made it
clear he wanted to be alone tonight. Just because Louis was squatting here didn’t
give him the run of the place. He should head to his own room, give Dan some
privacy. Still, he stood staring at the familiar drama playing out on the screen.
Dan moved toward the couch and reached for the remote.
“Wait.”
“Why? You need to find out what happens next?”
“Hey, it may have changed since yesterday and the day before and the day
before that,” Louis said. “How many times do you think Liam’s watched this
movie?”
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“Too many.” Dan sat on the couch. “Don’t you think his obsession with it is
kind of weird?”
“Naw. Little kids get stuck on something and cling to it. Maybe it’s a favorite
toy or blanket or clothes they insist on wearing over and over. I wouldn’t worry
about it.” Louis perched on the wide arm of a chair, not quite committing to
staying but not leaving either. “Man, I used to be terrified of the monkeys when I
was a kid, even more than the witch.”
“I don’t remember ever watching this when I was young. The first time I saw
it was with Cara.”
“Seriously? How’s that possible?”
Dan shrugged. “I don’t know. I watched a lot of nature shows and sports.
Not too many cartoons or kids’ shows. I didn’t grow up watching movies.”
“Weird industry for you to end up in.” Louis looked from the witch turning
the hourglass to Dan’s face, still and thoughtful as usual.
He shrugged. “It’s a business like any other. It wasn’t as if I had a burning
desire to bring art to the world. If I had, I wouldn’t be involved in producing
blockbusters for major studios. I’d stick to indie films.”
“Well, I admit I escaped into movies whenever I could,” Louis said. “Living
in a home with a bunch of other kids was chaotic. Going to the movie theater was
like entering a temple of peace and solitude. I wanted to get swept away to
another world.”
“And you wanted to be an actor. You mentioned getting some bit parts when
you first moved out here.”
“Yeah. Didn’t really pan out.” Louis quickly changed the subject. “How’s
Birthright coming along?”
“All right. I don’t really want to think about it, or I won’t be able to stop.”
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“Leave work at work. I get it.” And that was his cue to leave. Dan probably
didn’t want him to keep hanging out, making small talk. Louis rose.
“So, what do you think is wrong with your car?” Dan asked.
“I have no idea. The engine seems draggy or something, like it doesn’t really
respond when I put my foot on the gas. And it’s making a weird noise.”
“What kind of weird noise? When’s the last time you had the car serviced?”
“Um…” Not since he’d bought it, but he wasn’t going to admit that.
“Let’s go out and take a look.” Dan stood.
Louis followed him outside. “You don’t have to do this. I’ll take it to a
mechanic.”
“I don’t mind. After dealing with people all week, it’s kind of relaxing to
troubleshoot something as uncomplicated as an engine.” Dan smiled at Louis.
Flutter. Thump. His heart did a ridiculous little somersault. He ignored it and
returned the smile. “Well, thanks.”
The driveway where the Taurus was parked was as well-lit as a surgery. Dan
started the car, revved the engine and listened, then popped the hood and went
to look underneath it.
Louis stood beside him, staring at the collection of parts that made the thing
run and made absolutely no sense to him.
Dan checked the oil then reached into the motor to tighten this and loosen
that. “Well there’s your problem.”
“Hm?” Louis bent over and peered at the big circular thing, but got
distracted by Dan’s pointing finger and the streak of dirt on his forearm.
“Your air filter’s all clogged, and the oil is low. There are some other things
I’d have checked out too. I think you need a complete tune-up.”
“Okay.”
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They were shoulder-to-shoulder, leaning on the frame of the car. Dan looked
at him. “You have absolutely no clue about any of this do you?”
Louis grinned. “Sorry. I’m not a car guy. Didn’t have one until I came out
here. I usually caught rides with friends. Can’t say I spent a lot of time tinkering
with engines.”
“Well, there’s some basic car care you should know for your own safety.”
Dan’s tone grew paternally stern as he explained about fluid levels and radiators.
“You can’t just drive a vehicle into the ground. You’ve got to care for it.”
“Yes, sir.” Louis snapped a mock salute.
Dan frowned. “I’m serious. The last thing you want is to break down on a
busy expressway.”
“I was thinking the same thing earlier. You’re right.” And God, are you hot
when you’re dominant and caring all at the same time. “I’ll take better care of it, I
swear.”
“I’ll give you my mechanic’s address. I’ve been using the place for years. You
can trust Neal not to rip you off.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“Let me show you how to put the cover back on the filter and to check fluid
levels. These are simple things you should be able to do for yourself.”
As Dan guided Louis through basic car maintenance, their arms brushed
together and shoulders bumped, light little touches that mean nothing—except
that Louis’s skin felt sunburned after each contact.
“You at least know how to fill your radiator, right?” Dan said.
“Uh…”
“Never open it while it’s hot. Loosen the cap here.” He demonstrated. “You
do it. You’re not going to learn if I do it for you.”
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Louis glanced down at his shirt, which already had a streak of grease on it.
He peeled it over his head and tossed it aside.
“That’s a vintage tee. I can’t afford to ruin it,” he explained his sudden
stripping.
Dan didn’t answer. His eyes were riveted on Louis’s torso, removing any last
doubt that the attraction might be one-sided. Now Louis felt sunburned all over
his body as he leaned across the engine and followed Dan’s directions.
“Never fill it unless the engine’s cool, or you could crack it. Didn’t you learn
any of this stuff in drivers’ ed?”
“Maybe. I didn’t pay much attention. I was too busy flirting with Bobby
McGillis.” He winked at Dan and earned a small smile.
“Couldn’t help myself,” Louis continued. “He was tall, blond and beautiful,
the ultimate masturbation fantasy.”
Dan’s smile vanished. Damn, TMI. Louis was having a hell of a time
remembering his place here. He could be informal with Dan but not too relaxed.
Semiprofessional, not shirtless and oversharing.
But then Dan surprised him. “There was a guy like that on my basketball
team, so beautiful it hurt to look at him. Of course, I managed to convince myself
he was just a good friend. We’d joke around about girls we were hot for.
Sometimes we’d get in a wrestling match, just horsing around like guys do, but I
always came out of those matches with a hard-on.”
Louis stopped pouring the water into the radiator. “Do you think he was into
you too?”
“Who knows? Probably not. Doesn’t matter after all these years.”
“No, I guess not. But your first big crush is always painful, and when you
can’t even admit it to yourself, that’s not something you get past without some
scarring.”
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Impulsively, he reached out and touched Dan’s arm. Dan looked down at
Louis’s fingers. He licked his lips with a quick dart of his tongue and set the
water jug on the ground.
Louis’s insides contracted as if he were bracing for a blow or about to take a
steep drop on a roller coaster. This was happening. Right now. At last. Any
attempt to deflect the attraction was pointless, useless, as Dan’s gaze met his.
They stood only a few feet apart and that space got smaller as Dan leaned toward
him.
Long-resisted temptation was always the most powerful. Louis melted in the
heat of Dan’s presence, slid toward him like butter on a griddle. He stroked his
hand up Dan’s arm to his shoulder and focused his gaze on that grim yet
enticing mouth. As their lips came together in a hard kiss, he closed his eyes.
There was no soft parting of the lips on Dan’s part, just a close-mouthed press.
Even now Dan seemed to be fighting his inclination, but Louis knew how to ease
him into acceptance.
He cupped Dan’s jaw, guiding the pressure of the kiss, plucking softly,
gently with his lips, then sweeping his tongue along the tight seam. Open, baby.
Open for me.
The move worked like magic. Dan gasped, and his lips parted. Louis took
advantage and stroked inside with his tongue, a teasing lick designed to entice a
response.
A muffled groan rose in Dan’s throat, and he suddenly wrapped his arms
around Louis’s back, grappling him close as if he were a lifeline. His tongue
darted out to meet Louis’s, swept around it, wrestled with it. His body pressed
hard against Louis’s from chest to groin. The soft fabric of Dan’s T-shirt tickled
Louis’s bare torso, and the bulge in his jeans scraped against Louis’s aching
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erection. Dan clung to him and devoured him. Louis could only hold on and let
the power of Dan’s unleashed passion break over him.
They were kissing. Kissing at last! And all Louis’s good intentions about not
fucking his boss were rapidly diminishing to a meaningless point, a blip that
would soon be extinguished.
Chapter Nine
They were kissing. Kissing! Dan couldn’t restrain himself. He was practically
raping Louis’s mouth with deep thrusts of his tongue, dry humping denim to
denim. Any second now, he’d come in his pants. He was on the edge, and it was
impossible to go back. He gripped Louis tight in his arms, as if determined to
take him on the plunge with him.
It felt as if he’d waited his entire life for this moment. He very nearly had,
living a hollow life with a wife he cared for but would never be truly attracted to.
Since splitting from Crissi, he’d had a few sexual encounters but nothing earth
shattering. Certainly nothing like this. Louis was heat and flesh and muscle
wrapped around him. If it were possible to be absorbed into another person’s
body, Dan thought this would be the moment for it. Scorched by the heat of
desire, he’d simply melt away and become a part of Louis.
But now Louis was grasping his shoulders and pushing him away. The
frame of the car bumped against the backs of Dan’s legs and ass. The abrupt loss
of Louis’s mouth on his brought him crashing down to earth. His eyes snapped
open, and Louis’s face swam in his blurred vision.
“Hold on,” Louis panted.
Dan was light-headed from lack of air too. He inhaled a deep breath and
dropped his arms from Louis. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“No. Don’t be sorry.” Brilliant white teeth flashed against Louis’s dark skin.
He placed Dan’s hands back on his waist. “I just want to make sure that you’re
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sure. This is a no-brainer for me. Of course I want it. But I know this is a bigger
deal for you, a harder decision. You’ve got more baggage.”
Dan gazed at that easy smile, those twinkling green eyes, and shook his
head. “I’m tired of second-guessing everything I do or think or feel or want.
Tonight I need to let go. No consequences.”
Louis’s devilish smile widened. “No consequences,” he repeated. “Looks like
we’re on the same page. But maybe here in the driveway isn’t the best place.”
Dan glanced around. Although they were lit as if standing on a stage, this
wasn’t a neighborhood where other people’s windows intruded on privacy. Hell,
they could probably fuck right here on the dirty hood of the Taurus without any
chance of being seen. And even if they were… Dan’s cock twitched at the
thought of being watched. He grabbed Louis by the waist and pushed him up
against the side of the car, trapping his body.
Dan started to kiss him again, a little more slowly this time. Make it last, he
warned himself and paid attention to details like the taste of beer on Louis’s
tongue, the prickly stubble on his jaw, his exhalations and the contented sounds
he made in his throat. Each detail amplified Dan’s pleasure, expanded his need.
This felt so different from making love to a woman. Louis was all hard bone
and muscle under his smooth, warm skin. His scent was masculine and his
groans were deeper and far sexier than Crissi’s soft kitten whimpers. Dan used to
have to work hard and fantasize deeply in order to perform with his wife, but it
was easy and natural for his cock to swell and ache to fill this man.
Louis’s hands slid down Dan’s back and clutched his ass, holding him close
against his erection. Feeling Louis’s tangible need stoked Dan’s arousal even
higher. He pulled back long enough to draw breath, opened his eyes and stared
into Louis’s face.
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Louis grinned at him, that flirtatious, cocky smile with which Dan was
quickly becoming familiar. He grabbed Dan’s shirt and started to pull it up his
stomach.
Dan swallowed. Reason intruded like a frigid iceberg in the midst of a
steamy haze of lust. They couldn’t go farther, at least not right here. What if one
of the kids woke up and came looking for them, wandered outside and saw their
father and the nanny grabbing at each other? It would scar them for life.
Dan stepped back, pulling his T-shirt from Louis’s hands. “This is a really
bad idea.”
Louis’s smile disappeared. “I know. I’ve known that for weeks. We’ve both
fought against it, but I think this feels sort of inevitable.”
Dan moved around the edge of the car, putting the engine between them. He
slammed the hood closed. “Look, Louis. The kids love you. You’re the best
nanny we’ve ever had, but if we go the direction we’re heading, everything
changes. I’d hate to lose you as an employee because of something we can
prevent.”
Louis walked slowly around the car toward him, stalking like a hungry cat.
“I certainly don’t want to lose this job. But does one hookup have to ruin
everything? Can’t we agree to get this out of our systems tonight and then move
on? Clear the air of sexual tension, and everything will be better.”
It was flawed logic. Dan could feel it with every fiber of his being. Fucking
once would only lead to wanting to fuck more. And more. And more. But, oh,
how he wanted to be led by Louis down a forbidden path. He wanted the
predator to bear him to the ground and devour him.
All chance of remaining the reasonable, responsible adult in this scenario
disappeared when Louis stopped in front of him and suddenly knelt. The mere
sight of the other man in that submissive posture sent a fresh wave of lust
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crashing through Dan. His cock strained painfully against the constricting fly of
his jeans.
But not for long. Louis reached to unfasten the button, the zipper, pulled
down Dan’s briefs and released his erection. Dan’s cock thrust before him,
flushed dark with the blood rushing through it. The cool night air tickled his hot
flesh like tiny feathers, and then Louis took hold of his length with strong, hard
fingers—no teasing touch but a firm grip.
Dan’s knees went weak. He collapsed against the car’s hood and groaned.
Through half-lidded eyes, he watched Louis briskly rub his cock, the friction
building an amazing heat between them. When Louis brought the weeping tip to
his mouth, Dan couldn’t suppress a gasp of pleasure. His fingers clenched,
attempting to grip something—anything—but encountered only the smooth
metal hood of the car.
Tentatively, Dan reached to hold Louis’s head. Thick, silky hair slipped
between his fingers, and he cradled the hardness of Louis’s skull. Dan felt the
flex of the man’s jaw beneath his palms as Louis swallowed his cock deeper. The
wet, smacking sound of it was almost as big a turn-on as the sensation. Heat and
wetness surrounded Dan’s cock, burning it like napalm. Any second, he’d ignite
and incinerate.
His gaze riveted on Louis’s bobbing head and his own pale fingers threaded
through that glossy black hair. The sight, the sound, the sensation was
overwhelming, and all too quickly Dan cried out and thrust forward. He had no
time to warn Louis before he released. But Louis didn’t pull away. He swallowed
everything Dan had to give.
“Shit. I didn’t mean to…”
Louis looked up at him, mouth stretched around his cock, eyes glittering
with either lust or amusement. He let Dan’s length slip from between his lips and
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wiped the back of his hand over his mouth. “Don’t worry. I’m clean. I can show
you my most recent test results. I trust you are too.”
An awful lot of trust for anyone to have these days, and so stupid and
careless of Dan to take a chance. He knew nothing about Louis’s sexual history or
what diseases he may have been exposed to. Christ, where was his head? Oh
right. In his penis, which seemed to have ruled him completely tonight.
He tucked his cock away and zipped up while Louis rose to his feet. With the
insatiable monster of desire fed for the moment, Dan was full of confusion,
remorse, uncertainty. He felt he should return the favor, but Louis didn’t seem to
expect it. He bent and picked up the water jug from beside the car.
“Look. I know you’re conflicted about our hooking up. But it’s okay. We
don’t have to go any further. Everything’s cool. We’ll go back to business as
usual if that’s how you want it. I’m hired to watch your kids, and that’s what I’ll
do. That’s all I’ll do.”
Dan was almost taken aback. Surely Louis wasn’t satisfied with just giving a
blowjob. He had to want some relief for himself too. But Dan should be relieved
Louis was so casual about it all. His promise that things could return to normal
was exactly what Dan wanted—wasn’t it?
“Okay, then.”
“Thanks for helping me with my car, by the way,” Louis said. “I really
appreciate it.”
“No problem. I’ll give you the number of the garage I use. They’ll take good
care of you.” Dan heard his own voice, too jovial and loud, trying to act as if
nothing had happened.
But something had happened, and no amount of pretending or sweeping the
memory under the rug was going to change it. His body was still vibrating with
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energy, charged and full of life. How could he ever return to “business as
usual”?
Chapter Ten
“What’s up with Dan lately?” Crissi’s voice stopped Louis in his tracks as he
was escorting Liam to his room for a change of clothing. The remains of lunch
were on the kitchen table—and all over the boy’s shirt.
“What do you mean?”
“Something’s bothering him. He’s hardly calling or texting. That’s not like
him. He’s always stayed in touch, but now I feel like I’m only talking to him
through you.”
“Huh. I don’t know. I didn’t notice anything.” Louis felt his face heat.
Immediately, his mind went to that night by his car a couple of weeks before.
The sight of Dan leaning against the Taurus’s hood, pants around his hips, dick
thrusting aggressively forward, his face transported by ecstasy, was etched
permanently in Louis’s brain. But surely that never-repeated incident wouldn’t
cause Dan to stop communicating with his ex, would it? And, if so, why?
Crap. He was doing it again, dwelling on Dan and that night and how much
he wanted to repeat that night.
“Maybe he’s just worried about Birthright. Sounds like the director’s a real
pain, trying to turn a standard zombie movie into an art film,” Louis blurted.
“He’s probably just caught up in dealing with that.”
Crissi put the milk in the fridge and closed the door before answering.
“Dan’s always been busy, but he’s never let his work affect our family before.
Even in the midst of the divorce, he always kept in touch with me. Weird as it
sounds, we’ve always been on pretty friendly terms.”
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She was right. It did sound weird. How could a woman learn her husband
was secretly gay, have him tell her on their anniversary that he wanted a divorce
and not be furious? The Krefman couple dynamic confused the hell out of Louis.
Liam tugged at Louis with his sticky little hand. Louis started to leave the
kitchen, but Crissi’s voice stopped him again.
“Is he seeing somebody new, Louis? It’s good if he is. I mean, it’s about time.
But it’s the only reason I can think of for him being so distant. Maybe he’s a little
nervous about telling me.”
He looked at her. “I’m sorry, Crissi. I don’t have anything to tell you, and
even if I did, I wouldn’t. That’s Dan’s business. It’s not my place.”
Crissi clicked her tongue. “I’m sorry. I should not have asked you that.
You’re right. It’s completely inappropriate. Sorry. Go on and take care of Liam.”
“It’s okay.” Louis was itching to get out of there but hesitated, feeling the
need to offer her some sort of comfort or at least an ear to listen. “You still love
Dan?”
“No. Not in the way you’re thinking anyway. That ship has long since sailed.
But we’re still connected, mostly because of the kids but also in ways I can’t even
explain. At least we were. Now he won’t return my messages.”
Was that Louis’s fault? Had his blowjob so affected Dan that he couldn’t
bring himself to talk to Crissi? He’d never have guessed it, because Dan had been
acting as if nothing ever happened between them.
Liam broke loose from Louis’s grip and trotted away. If Louis didn’t catch
him, there’d be peanut butter smeared everywhere. Louis wasn’t sure how to
close this conversation with Crissi, so he blurted another thing without thinking.
“I’ll talk to him about it, okay?”
Caught in the middle. Great. That was the last place he wanted to be. He
hurried after Liam.
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“Some-WHERE ober da wainbow,” Liam sang as Louis jammed a fresh T-
shirt over his head and Liam emerged with static-charged hair standing on end.
Louis joined him in the chorus. “And the dreams that you dare to dream
really do come true.”
The kid had a great ear for melody and remembered every line of the song.
Lots of songs, actually. He sang all the time. It was only conversation that Liam
refused to participate in. Sometimes Louis worried, as Dan did, that it might be a
sign of a developmental disorder. The rest of the time, he agreed with Crissi and
the pediatrician that Liam was simply a late bloomer. When he was ready to talk,
he’d probably never stop chattering.
“We’re going to your dad’s tonight. Want to help me pack your things?”
“Okey-doke.”
Louis tried not to obsess over their destination as he helped Liam and Cara
get ready and bid good-bye to their mom, then drove across town. But though
he’d sworn to Dan that things could return to normal, he’d been lying. It was
definitely not “business as usual” when he had to be around Dan. Louis’s
tremendous crush was embarrassing and so unlike him.
Louis had a history with men. A lot of men. He’d dated them, slept with
them, used them, been used by them. He’d had short-term relationships and
longer ones, mild flirtations and passionate affairs. He’d fucked more men than
was probably good for him, and often older men, which a psychologist might say
signified his search for a father figure. Whatever. But this near obsession with
Dan was not something he’d experienced before. He wanted more of Dan, much
more. Obviously, he craved Dan sexually, but he also wanted to spend as much
time as possible around him. Louis quite simply wanted the man in his life.
“And you have him. Just at a distance,” he muttered as he pulled the SUV
into Dan’s driveway.
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“Got who?” Cara was already unfastening her safety seat.
“Nothing. Just thinking out loud. Did you remember Pasha this time?”
“No. I brought my new ponies instead. They haven’t been to Daddy’s house
yet.”
“I’m sure they’ll be happy to meet him.”
Cara ran ahead while Louis was still getting Liam out of his car seat. Sleepy
and clingy, Liam wrapped his arms around Louis’s neck, demanding to be
carried to the house.
Louis walked up the path toward Dan framed in the doorway, crouching
down to talk to Cara. He looked past her at Louis, and a sharp pang of desire
shot through him. All he could think of was how that severe mouth had softened
and molded to his and how those large hands, now handling Cara’s ponies, had
felt against his bare skin. Dan had stroked them up and down Louis’s back as if
he couldn’t get enough of simply touching him. To shut down that sort of
passion after one brief, incomplete encounter was just plain wrong.
“Hey, how’s it goin’?” Louis greeted him.
“Can’t complain.” Dan straightened. “I hate to disappoint the kids, but I’m
going to have to go out for a while.”
“Nooo, Daddy!” Cara wailed. “I wanted you to play ponies with me.”
He rested a hand on her head. “When I get back, Kermit. Until then, why
don’t you build a really fancy corral for them?”
“Anything special you want me to make for dinner?” Louis switched Liam
from one hip to the other.
Dan shook his head. “Order in if you want. Otherwise, there are things in the
fridge. I’m not sure what.”
“Bye, big guy. I’ll be back soon.” He leaned to kiss Liam’s cheek, and the
scent of his cologne and his nearness made Louis a little light-headed.
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After Dan left, Louis deflated like a spent balloon. He hadn’t realized how
much he’d been looking forward to spending time with Dan. An afternoon with
just the kids was not appealing, but it was what he was being paid for, so he
sucked it up and manufactured cheerfulness.
“How ’bout we build that corral in the backyard?” he suggested to Cara.
“It’ll seem more real with grass and dirt.”
Still sleepy, Liam zonked out on a blanket Louis spread in the shade of a tree
while Louis and Cara built an entire ranch worth of corrals and stables for her
extensive pony collection. Soon the neighborhood morphed into shopping
districts, parks and palaces for the lucky equines. The building project kept them
busy for almost two hours, until Liam woke up and it was time to go in and put
together some sort of dinner.
Louis told Cara to set the table, then made sure she did it despite her
moaning as if he’d demanded she break bricks. He made a salad, heated leftover
spaghetti and toasted garlic bread. With no text from Dan yet saying he’d join
them, Louis sat the kids down to eat.
Cara twirled spaghetti around and around her fork until she had a cotton-
candy gob of noodles that she jammed into her mouth. Liam seemed to wear
more spaghetti sauce than he ate. But both kids were in good moods at the same
time for once. They giggled their way through the meal as Louis entertained
them with some nonsense about the Spaghetti Patrol coming to check if their
plates were clean.
Cara was choking on her juice from laughing when Dan arrived at last. Louis
patted Cara on the back and smiled at him. “Did you eat? There’s spaghetti.”
“No, I’m good. Thanks.” Dan collapsed onto a chair beside Liam and leaned
over to tousle his hair. Liam grabbed at his dad’s hand, smearing sauce on the
white cuff of his shirt. “So, how were these monsters today?”
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“Very well behaved for monsters.”
Cara got her breath back. “You’ve got to see the pony land. It’s amazing.”
She started to scramble out of her chair. “Can I be done? I ate almost everything.
Will the Spaghetti Patrol arrest me?”
“Let me eenspect, Mees Krrrefman.” Louis adopted a terrible accent as he
studied her plate. “Hmm, verrry interestink. You hav left zee crust of your garlic
bread. But, ver gut, you may leave zee table now.”
“Come on, Daddy. Hurry up.” Cara grasped Dan’s arm and pulled him out
the door with her, chattering all the way.
Louis quickly cleaned up Liam and cleared the table, then went to the
backyard to join in the tour of Pony World. A collection of wooden blocks and
Legos marked the different areas which Cara was explaining in detail to her
father.
Dan hadn’t taken time to change and, God, did he look hot in his suit and tie,
kneeling beside his little girl and listening intently. The scene was so adorable,
Louis practically got a sugar high.
“I can see you put a lot of work into this,” Dan said. “Hey, I have an idea. If
it’s all right with your mom, why don’t we take you and a few of your friends to
a horse ranch for your birthday? Would you like that?”
As Cara screamed with delight, Louis winced. Dan should know better than
to ask such a thing without conferring with Crissi first. He couldn’t go back on a
promise of horses once it was out there, and Louis knew Crissi already had the
party half planned.
Louis waited until after Cara and Dan were finished exploring Pony Land
and both kids were out of their baths, into jammies and parked in front of a
cartoon before he spoke to Dan about it.
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“Uh, not to butt in, but about Cara’s birthday. I think Crissi’s already got
plans. Have you talked to her lately?”
Dan folded a damp towel with more care than the job required. “She’ll agree.
It’s the perfect party idea with Cara so into horses.”
“Ponies,” Louis corrected. “Blue and red and green ponies that talk.”
“You don’t think she’ll like real horses? I’m sure she’ll be thrilled.” Dan’s
tone was clipped. “Anyway, I’ll check with Crissi about it. Now, if you’ll excuse
me, I’ve had a long day. When it’s time to tuck the kids in, come get me.”
As he walked away, Louis noted the rigid set of his shoulders. Clearly, Dan
had had a rotten day. This was the closest to being a dick he’d ever acted.
I could massage that tension right out of those shoulders if you’d let me, the little
voice in his head that refused to die whispered.
He sat to read a book in the living room with the kids but couldn’t
concentrate on the mystery. He didn’t really care who’d murdered the
Hollywood star and was beginning to have a suspicion it wasn’t any of the cast
of characters who’d already been introduced. Nothing worse than a last act
surprise twist. He stared at the page until his e-reader decided he’d abandoned it
and powered down.
“Okay, guys. Time for bed,” Louis announced, bracing himself for Cara’s
protests.
“Not yet. Just one more cartoon.”
“Sorry. If we don’t get you into bed soon, the Sleep Patrol is going to catch
you still awake, and who knows what kind of trouble we’ll be in.”
Hm, maybe the sleep patrol wasn’t such a good idea. It was a little scary and
creepy, not fun like Spaghetti Patrol. Not to mention ineffective. Cara continued
to whine as he turned off the TV and gathered Liam up from the couch.
“I want Daddy to put me to bed. Not you.”
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“Okay. Why don’t you go get him? I think he’s in his office.”
Louis tended to Liam, waiting while he used the bathroom one last time.
Although Liam was potty trained, the process could take a while. By the time
Louis got him into bed, Dan had put Cara down and was there to kiss his son
good night.
Dan seemed more relaxed as he and Louis left the room and turned to him to
apologize. “Sorry if I was short with you about Cara’s party. Stressful day.”
“That’s okay, and you’re right, it’s none of my business.”
“Sure it is. You know Cara maybe better than I do. You spend a lot more
time with her. If you think the horse ranch is a bad idea…”
“No. She’d probably love it. My point is that Crissi was already making
plans.” He bit his lip, wondering how intrusive he dared get. “I think you really
need to talk to her and not just about the party.”
Over the line? But Dan said, “You’re right. I’m not sure why I’ve been
dodging her lately.” Then he looked at Louis, meeting his eyes for the first time
in days. “Actually, I do know. It’s because of the other night.”
Louis’s heart beat faster. After several weeks of avoidance, they were going
to stop pretending as if nothing had happened. “Yeah?”
“What happened between us was…” Dan sighed audibly. “It took me a long
time to admit I was gay and to leave Crissi. I haven’t had a lot of dates since then,
only a couple of encounters with men I barely knew. What you and I did is a
whole different level. You’re someone I have a working relationship with,
someone Crissi knows and interacts with too. I feel…”
Dan stared at a painting on the wall of the hallway. Louis waited for him to
finish. It was so quiet he could hear the quiet hum of the pool pump outside.
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“It feels like I’m keeping a big secret from her. Again. And I don’t want to do
that anymore. But I’m not going to tell her what happened between us. It’s not
her business. So why do I feel like it is?”
Louis chose his words carefully. “I think you’re overthinking it. You were
married to her for a long time, and you have kids together. Those are connections
you’ll never break. But your current social life is no longer her business.” He
smiled. “Anyway, I thought we decided it’s over. One incident isn’t worth all
this worry and angst.”
“No.” But by the hungry way Dan’s eyes swept over Louis, it didn’t feel like
anything was over. It felt as if something was just starting.
Chapter Eleven
Helpless. That was what he felt, helpless and frustrated at his inability to
control his desire. For two weeks, he’d tried to pretend that night with Louis
hadn’t happened, but in reality he’d obsessed over it, fantasized it to its logical
conclusion—his bed—and jerked off to the fantasy many times. Every night as he
tried to sleep, Dan dozed and dreamed about Louis and masturbated.
The days when Louis brought the kids over to stay were the worst. The first
time, he’d told Louis to take a day off and leave Cara and Liam with him. But at
night, he’d been fully aware that Louis slept only a few bedrooms away. It was
agony when all he wanted to do was pad barefoot down the hall and knock on
his door.
Tonight, Dan had decided taking care of business was preferable to being
around Louis. He did have a meeting, but he could’ve easily planned it for
another time. This couldn’t go on. He couldn’t lose precious time with his
children just to avoid Louis, but neither did he want to fire the man who was so
good with them. Louis didn’t deserve it. Besides, what reason could Dan give
Crissi?
Guilt, desire and frustration mingled in a nasty cocktail that made his
stomach churn. The moment Louis pointed out that maybe he was forcing
himself to suffer for no good reason, Dan looked into those shining green eyes,
and everything seemed suddenly simple. Why the hell was he punishing himself
with guilt? Why not just give in to desire and erase the frustration?
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He glanced down the hall at the kids’ rooms. Liam was probably out for the
count. Cara, on the other hand, might come out several more times with excuses
like being thirsty. He turned back to Louis. “Let’s go out on the patio and talk.”
“Okay.”
Dan grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge on the way. They sat at the
patio table and sipped them as the last hint of color drained from the sky and
dark came on.
“Want to talk about your work?” Louis asked.
“Not really. It’s just the usual stuff with budgeting and egos. I shouldn’t talk
about it anyway. Gossip spreads too easily in this town.” Crap, that made it
sound as if he didn’t trust Louis not to spread rumors, which wasn’t what he’d
meant by the remark. He searched for some neutral topic to discuss. “Read any
good books lately?”
“Good books? No. I’m working on a murder mystery but I stopped caring
who dunnit a few chapters ago. What about you?” The breeze stirred Louis’s
hair. It looked so soft that Dan lost himself for a moment in the fantasy of thick
strands sifting between his fingers. He returned with a jerk to the conversation.
“I read so many screenplays for work that reading a book to unwind at the
end of the day doesn’t sound very appealing. I have read some pretty decent
screenplays lately, fresh and original, and that’s a rare thing.”
“It has to be pretty exciting to oversee the whole process from words printed
on a page to an actual movie.”
Dan shrugged. “I get so caught up in all the details and headaches that by
the end of the project, I’m mostly looking at the financial bottom line. Did the
studio make money or lose it?”
“That’s too bad. I think I’d be pretty jazzed about seeing the final result. It’s
too bad you’ve lost your pleasure in it.”
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Is that what he’d done? Completely lost the excitement he used to feel at
creating something out of nothing? Sure the vision belonged to the writer and the
director, but without Dan, the project would never see the light of day.
“I can understand, though,” Louis continued. “Every job can become a
grind.”
Dan deflected the conversation away from himself. “So, if I wanted to see
you as chollo number seven, what movie would I need to rent?”
“Oh God, no. It’s not worth your time. Blink and you miss me in the scene
anyway.” Louis paused, and for a moment, Dan thought he was about to say
something more, but instead he sipped his beer.
“What made you decide you’d had enough of acting?” Dan asked.
“When I realized I couldn’t afford rent. Waiting tables wasn’t cutting it, and
that’s when I started dancing at Zipline. You heard of it?”
Dan nodded. Zipline was a high-end gay strip club. A place he’d gone to a
couple of times. Maybe he’d even seen Louis there and not known it. Images of
Louis twining sinuously around a pole or thrusting his barely covered groin
danced through his mind. His cock twitched nervously.
“That and some other jobs gave me enough rent money, but a guy can’t
shake his ass forever. I wanted to do something else, something…cleaner, I
guess. What could be more wholesome and rewarding than helping raise little
kids?”
“You’re really good with them,” Dan said. “Cara and Liam adore you, and
you help make our family run smoothly.”
Louis smiled. “I’m glad. I love them both. They’re great kids.”
“About the other night…” The words spilled out of Dan’s mouth. “I’m sorry
if I led you on or created an uncomfortable work situation. I shouldn’t have let
things get that far.”
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“Not your fault.” Louis fingered the loose edge of the label on his beer bottle.
“We both wanted it, and anyway, I made the first move.”
“Did you?” Dan honestly couldn’t remember. It seemed like they’d been
drawn together simultaneously like two magnets that could no longer be kept
apart. “I wanted it just as much. I’d been imagining kissing you.”
“Not anymore, though?” Louis leaned his arms on the table and gazed into
Dan’s eyes. “I have to tell you, knowing what we’re missing has only made me
want it more.”
Aw Jesus, why did he have to say that? Now Dan’s lips were tingling as if
they’d been zapped by electricity. How easy it would be to lean across the patio
table, grab Louis by the scruff of the neck and lay one on him.
“Me too,” he admitted. “But I don’t see any way to juggle a working
relationship and a social one. If we hook up and things go sour, it impacts on
Cara and Liam. I don’t want to jeopardize their happiness.”
“I totally get that, which is why I backed off the other night.” Louis peeled
more of the label off the bottle. “But it seems to me it’s already too late. We’ve
tried to carry on a business relationship, and this attraction just keeps hitting
harder and harder. So, I’m willing to take a chance we can have an affair without
it ruining everything.”
Dan got distracted by Louis’s lips as he spoke and by the words “an affair”.
Too much talking. Not enough kissing. He was tired of denying what he wanted.
Didn’t he have a right to some pleasure and happiness?
“Okay.”
“Okay?” Louis echoed.
“Yeah, let’s…” Go for it. Get it on. Do it. Dan stood. “I think we should check
on the kids. Make sure Cara’s not going to pop back out of bed, and then, we
could, uh, go to bed.”
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Dan’s pulse pounded and blood throbbed in his temples as they walked
indoors. His body was reacting as if he were about to face a firing squad rather
than a long-desired sexual encounter with a very hot guy. Anticipation and
nausea—two sides of one coin. He hadn’t had much experience at this, not only
the man-on-man sex but the awkwardness that went along with first times.
A peek inside Liam’s room showed his boy sleeping quietly and deeply as
usual. Cara was also asleep in her room, her arms clasped around Keiko the
whale and a light snore rattling from her open mouth.
Dan stepped back and closed the door, and there was Louis right next to
him. One of those cocky smiles curved his lips. “Breathe. You look like you’re
about to be sick.”
“I’m not used to this,” Dan said.
“That’s fine. I have. I’ll lead you through it, if you want. Unless you prefer to
take charge. What’s your pleasure, top or bottom?”
“Uh.” Dan’s ass clenched at the very thought of being filled. He hadn’t done
that yet, wanted to but didn’t feel quite ready. “Guess I’m more of a pitcher than
a receiver.” He lapsed into a sports metaphor and a foolish grin to cover his
nervousness.
“Your room or mine?” Louis asked next. “Wherever you’ll feel more
comfortable.”
Decisions. Decisions. But the idea of inviting Louis into his own bed was
daunting. To have sex in Louis’s room would make it seem more temporary, less
serious.
He exhaled a shaky breath. “Yours, I guess.”
Louis laughed and stepped close to Dan. He cupped his cheek and pressed a
kiss to his mouth. “Don’t worry. You’re going to love this,” he whispered.
“Come on.”
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Louis took his hand and led Dan to his bedroom, orderly and decorated with
interesting antiques and bold colors. Dan hadn’t been in the guest room since
Louis began staying there. The redecorated space seemed as spicy and full of life
as its owner.
“I like what you’ve done with the room,” Dan said.
“Thanks. I’m a fanatic about finding deals at flea markets and auctions. It’s
amazing what you can pick up for a steal. Shine it up or paint it, and it’s as good
as new.” Louis moved around the room, lighting candles, putting on music,
removing his shirt, while he continued to talk. “I love any TV show that features
storage units or finding lost treasures in attics. There’s something about the
patina of age that makes things so much more special. A sense of history. A
connection with the past or whatever.”
Still talking, he moved toward Dan, sliding hands underneath his shirt and
stroking over his stomach. “Maybe it’s because I didn’t have much family history
of my own. I know nothing at all about my dad or his family, and my mom’s
people kind of disowned her. I guess that’s why things that come with a long life
story attached appeal to me.” The light brush of his hands over Dan’s nipples
nearly made Dan’s eyes roll back in his head. “Or maybe it’s because antiques
are better quality than anything you can buy now. Stuff used to be made to last.”
Dan remained silent, occasionally nodding to show he was listening as Louis
stripped off his shirt, then set to work on the fly of his jeans. He realized Louis’s
patter was partly to alleviate Dan’s nervousness, and the stream of talk did help.
“But I never spend big money on any of my antiques. I’m a real spendthrift. I
cringe at the thought of wasting money. Finding deals is like hunting big game. I
love it.”
Dropping to his knees, Louis pulled Dan’s jeans over his hips and down his
legs.
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Dan glanced down at his own body, naked except for a pair of sports socks.
He looked ridiculous, especially with his cock thrusting out like a divining rod.
Louis tugged at one sock, and Dan lifted his foot to let him remove it. When
Louis had him completely stripped, he sat back on his heels and let his gaze rove
over Dan’s exposed body.
Dan burned and shivered at the same time under the intense scrutiny. His
cock ached for Louis’s touch. But maybe it was time for Dan to take part rather
than react passively. He reached out and helped Louis to his feet, then
unfastened the fly of Louis’s shorts. His knuckles grazed smooth brown skin as
he stripped the shorts off Louis’s stocky legs. Louis was barefoot and already
shirtless, so there was nothing else to remove. It was Dan’s turn to devour the
sight of Louis’s compact, hard-muscled body.
He stroked his hands over Louis’s torso, hips, belly, chest, up to his
shoulders. No extra flesh anywhere. Every bit of him lean and mean. Dan
stepped closer, and the tip of his cock brushed against the wiry hair covering the
other man’s groin. He glanced down at their two cocks, side by side—ships
passing in the night. Dan’s was paler than Louis’s dark brown, but flushed a
fierce red. He reached down and wrapped his hand around both of them. His
mouth was so dry he could hardly swallow as he felt the weight and girth of the
thick lengths in his fist. He moved his hand up and down, and the friction heated
him. Them.
Louis stifled a groan. His pale green eyes darkened with lust, his full lips
parted. “Vaya. Yeah. Do it.”
The command in Spanish and the hint of an accent that occasionally crept
into Louis’s speech whipped Dan’s desire even higher. He pumped faster.
“God, that feels so good.” Louis hooked his hands over Dan’s shoulders. He
leaned in and kissed Dan’s chest, licked a nipple, then scraped it with his teeth.
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Dan jerked and sucked in a breath as Louis toyed with one nipple, then
kissed his way across to the other. Still gripping both their cocks, Dan froze. Six
years of marriage to Crissi, probably a hundred times making love, touching,
kissing, licking one another all over, and he’d never felt anything to compare
with the powerful desire raging through him at the mere touch of Louis’s mouth
on his chest.
A fresh pang of guilt swept through him at all Crissi’s time he’d wasted
trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole. He supposed that guilt would be
with him always, but there was no place for it in this moment, so he pushed it
away and concentrated on the amazing sensation of Louis’s hands cupping his
ass, pulling his cheeks apart and tickling a finger in between them. His fingertip
brushed over and around Dan’s hole, making it spasm wildly. Christ! Maybe he
could get into being fucked that way more easily than he’d thought.
Louis straightened, pushed Dan in the middle of the chest, forcing him
toward the bed. The backs of Dan’s knees hit the mattress, and he collapsed on it,
leaning on his elbows and watching Louis’s face.
Louis got a packet of condoms and some lube from the nightstand drawer,
then lay beside Dan and leaned to kiss him. He stroked Dan’s cock, and Dan
pressed into that firm grip, his body trembling with need. Seconds later, Louis
had a condom rolled down his shaft. Fast. Efficient. Experienced.
Now the ball was in Dan’s court. He’d said he wanted to top, so it was time
to take action. He rolled Louis over, pinning him with his body and kissing him
until Louis moaned. Grabbing one of the pillows, Dan wedged it beneath his
hips, lifting his pelvis. The sight of Louis’s jutting cock and the dark groove
between his cheeks sent a fresh jolt of hunger shuddering through him.
He pushed Louis’s thighs higher and farther apart and stared at the
puckered opening, which seemed far too small to surround his cock. When he
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glanced at Louis’s face, his half-closed eyes and parted lips, God, just the sight of
the other man’s yearning expression had Dan’s cock dripping. He was ready to
plunge into him. But Louis deserved a return orgasm for the one he’d given Dan
the other night, and Dan intended to fulfill him before taking his own pleasure.
Moving farther down, Dan grasped Louis’s cock and brought it to his lips.
He inhaled the other man’s musk as he gobbled his length—so full, nearly
choking him, but Louis’s groan of satisfaction made it worth the effort.
Dan could count on one hand the number of blowjobs he’d given, but from
his own experience, he knew what he liked, so he proceeded to give Louis a firm
rubbing and hard sucking. What he might lack in finesse, he made up for in
enthusiasm, and soon Louis was writhing and muttering curses in Spanish. Dan
felt the swell of his release and quickly pulled off. White spurts landed on
Louis’s heaving stomach in Rorschach patterns.
Louis closed his eyes, dark lashes fanning against his cheeks, and blew out a
breath. “Whew. That was intense.” He reached out to brush a hand through
Dan’s hair. “Thanks.”
Dan smiled, happy to give such pleasure. Confidence growing, he wiped
Louis’s belly with a tissue from the nightstand, then warmed some lube in his
hand. He smeared it between Louis’s cheeks and dipped his finger into his hole.
The sphincter clenched tightly around him. The knowledge that his cock would
soon enter there ratcheted his arousal to fever pitch.
“Yeah, baby. Right there. Put it in. Fuck me.” Louis murmured a steady
stream of encouragement, and each breathless phrase spurred Dan. He pressed
Louis’s thighs higher, lifting his ass to the perfect angle, and brought his cock to
Louis’s entrance. As he pressed past the tight outer ring, heat surrounded him,
and he felt almost faint from the thrill of it.
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Louis didn’t flinch at the pressure as he gazed into Dan’s eyes, challenging
him. “Go on. Deeper.”
Dan obeyed, grunting as he buried himself deeper, his belly tight against
Louis’s groin and cock. Their bodies nestled together, and for the first time in
years, maybe in his entire life, Dan felt as if he was exactly where he wanted to
be.
For a long moment, he remained deep inside Louis’s body, and then he
began to move. He slowly withdrew, then thrust again.
Louis’s lips tightened as he released a low groan. His eyes narrowed—then
went wide as Dan struck a sweet spot. “God, yes. Right there. Puta madre.”
Dan let go of his last remaining thread of control and rammed into Louis
over and over. Flesh slapped against flesh. He grunted with every thrust, striving
until the tangled knot of desire in the pit of his gut snapped and shot vibrating
steel cables through every inch of him. His body went rigid as he shuddered.
Wave after wave swept through him.
When the last tremor subsided, Dan collapsed on top of Louis’s hot body, felt
the other man’s legs and arms wrap around him. Their bodies fused together
with sweat and sinew. Dan reveled in the hard maleness of Louis’s body beneath
his, so very different from Crissi’s soft, yielding curves, and so much better.
Louis stroked a hand over his hair, then cradled the nape of his neck, the
weight of his hand warm and comforting. Dan closed his eyes and nuzzled into
the hollow of his collarbone.
“So, was it everything you wanted it to be?” Louis’s voice reverberated from
his chest into Dan’s ear.
Dan lifted his face to look at him and raised an eyebrow.
Louis gave a smug grin. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
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Dan rested his head again, and for one pure moment, he was blissfully
content. Then worry began to nibble at the edges of this perfection. How were
things going to change now? Could they sustain some sort of relationship
without it impacting on the family?
He rolled off of Louis and removed the used condom, wiped away the
residue of come on his softening cock and concentrated on anything but the man
beside him.
“Oh, here we go. You’re overthinking again. I can tell. Look at me.” Only
after he had Dan’s eyes on him did Louis continue. “It’s going to be okay. We
didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know. I don’t regret it. It’s just, we’re going to have to keep this thing
between us very private. My kids aren’t ready to see me with anyone other than
their mother, certainly not with a man. They’ve been through enough changes
over the past year. I’m not ready to spring some new relationship on them.”
“I understand. That’s fine.”
“I don’t want you to be offended if I don’t acknowledge you in a romantic
way in front of them. It’s nothing personal, but—”
“I said I’ve got it, Dan. It’s cool. This’ll be our secret.”
Then why did it feel so wrong, as if he were sweeping Louis into a dark
corner?
Louis punched him lightly in the arm. “Hey, dirty little secrets are the best.
Exciting. Forbidden. Sexy.”
Looking into those sparkling eyes, a sharp pain and a tender, melting
warmth filled Dan simultaneously. Louis was perfect—funny, sweet, great with
the kids, supportive of Dan and Crissi as parents, and, oh yeah, sexy as hell, an
absolutely amazing, generous lover. Without even searching for it, Dan had
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somehow, incredibly, stumbled into love. Or what could grow into love given
half a chance.
He leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to Louis’s mouth. “Thank you. For
everything.”
A slow smile curved Louis’s lips. “Thank you too.” His eyes grew suddenly
serious. “And I want you to know I won’t let this change anything. I’m here for
Liam and Cara first and foremost, whatever might happen between us.”
Dan believed him, but couldn’t help the niggling voice of worry that
pestered at him. Happiness couldn’t be this easy. Trouble must somehow follow.
It was just a matter of time.
Chapter Twelve
He’d done it again, the exact thing he’d sworn not to do on this new job,
allowed sex and work to get all mixed up together, and now Louis wasn’t sure
where he stood in the Krefman household. Was he just the nanny, or was he
Dan’s lover? And if he stopped being one, could he still be the other?
Over the years, sex had helped him get out of tight spots or improved his
position in the workplace. When he was younger, he hadn’t really considered
how he’d used his sexuality. Nobody got hurt. Now, for the first time, Louis was
concerned. He wished he’d met Dan in some other way and earned his affection
free and clear of any other obligation. But, things were what they were. He was
already deeply involved and feeling things for Dan he’d never meant to.
“Daydreaming, Louis?” Crissi startled him from his brooding.
“Yeah. I guess so.” Louis resumed cutting crusts off Liam’s sandwich as he
glanced across the kitchen at Crissi, who was pouring iced tea.
“Something or someone?” Her smile dazzled. She was a national icon for
good reason. That smile could light up the screen in a dark theater. “You’re
acting like you’ve got a crush on someone.”
He shrugged. “Could be. Not sure yet. Let’s talk about your trip. Are you
ready to go? Any last-minute instructions for me?”
She sighed, and the smile extinguished. “I’ve never been apart from the kids
for an entire month. I’m still considering whether it’s worse for them to be
separated from me for that long or to go through the upheaval of traveling
overseas.”
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“Uzbekistan is a long way,” Louis agreed, knowing Crissi had already made
her decision but needed to voice her doubts.
“And a dangerous country, or parts of it anyway. I know I’m crazy to even
think about having you bring them. Dan wouldn’t agree to it anyway. But I’m
going to miss them so much.” She set the spoon on the counter and watched the
wedge of lemon swirl around her glass. “But no matter what’s happening with
the shoot, I’m flying back for Cara’s birthday. That’s a given.”
“We’ll video chat every day. It’ll pass in no time,” Louis reassured her. “And
don’t worry about Cara’s birthday. Dan and I will pull it off.”
“You will, anyway. I trust you not to forget any details.” She set the glass on
the counter. “I have to admit, Dan’s horse-ranch idea is good. So is your idea to
keep it simple with only a few guests. Can you believe Cara wants to invite Beth
and Brianna now?”
Louis chuckled. “I’ll wait till closer to the party to finalize the invite list.
Those girls could be back to being her enemies instead of new best friends.”
“No doubt. Well, I’d better go work on my packing.” Crissi started to walk
out of the kitchen, then stopped by Louis and gave him a swift hug. “I’m so
grateful we found you. You’re the best thing that’s happened to our family in a
while.”
Warmth at her appreciation warred with guilt. If you only knew.
What if she did? Would Crissi be upset at the growing relationship between
her ex and Louis? Would she still think of Louis as a friend or want him out of
her children’s lives? He couldn’t imagine her being so petty. It wasn’t his fault, or
Dan’s, that they were attracted to each another. But learning about the affair
would probably hurt Crissi, maybe not the act so much as them keeping it a
secret from her.
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Louis withdrew from her arms with a weak smile. “Don’t worry.
Everything’s going to be fine, and you’ll be home before you know it.”
Meanwhile, he’d have the kids and Dan to himself for an entire month. A lot
could happen in that time. Maybe by the end of it, Dan would be ready to bring
their relationship out into the open. A guy could hope.
“Is it weird for you, moving back in here?” Louis leaned against the
doorframe of the master bedroom and watched Dan unpack some of his things
into a dresser drawer. Louis imagined Dan and Crissi sharing this bedroom
before he’d moved out and felt a little stab of jealousy. He could never compete
with their history together.
“Not really. This doesn’t feel like home anymore. Staying here while Crissi is
out of town is just a convenience for the kids.”
Louis started to move across the room, intent on interrupting Dan’s
unpacking by dragging him into his arms and giving him a kiss. But Cara came
bursting in, threw herself on the bed, and started bouncing up and down.
“I’m so glad you’re home, Daddy. I missed you.”
Dan put down a pair of socks and turned to pick her up. She threw her arms
around his neck and squeezed. “Kermit, you know this is only while Mommy’s
gone. I’m not here to stay. This is only to make it easier for you and Liam.”
“It’s easier for us if you’re here all the time,” Cara pointed out with flawless
five-year-old logic.
Louis winced and noticed Dan’s jaw tensing. That had to hurt. Divorce was
never easy on a kid no matter how adaptable adults thought they were. Of
course Cara wanted her father in her life twenty-four seven.
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Dan gave her another hug, then tossed her back on the bed. She squealed
with laughter as she bounced.
“Anyway, I’m here for a while,” he said. “And we’re going to have lots of
fun.”
“But not with Mommy, because she’s doing a movie.”
“That’s right. She won’t be gone too long, though, and we’ll chat with her on
the computer every day.”
Cara began to jump on the bed like a trampoline. “Anyway, Louis is here.
He’s kind of like a mom.”
Louis smiled, unsure whether to take that as a compliment or worry that
Cara was becoming too attached to him. “Oh, I am, am I?”
“Well, yeah. You made the cupcakes for my snack day at school. That’s what
moms and nannies do.”
“I guess they do.” Louis was struck by the strangeness of a society in which
the line between mothers and babysitters was blurred in a child’s mind. Where
he’d grown up, nannies only existed in stories. Although foster parents sort of
fulfilled the same function, so maybe his life hadn’t been so different from
Cara’s.
“I’d better go check on Liam,” Louis said. “He should be up and raring to go
any time now.” He left Dan unpacking and Cara chattering at him.
Liam was awake and sitting in bed, looking at a book. Such a quiet,
contained child—the polar opposite of his exuberant sister. When he saw Louis,
he held up the book. “Read doggies.”
“Okay. But let’s go to the bathroom first.”
Liam obediently climbed out of bed and did his thing. Then he snuggled
with Louis in an armchair in the living room and listened to his current favorite
story in which the runt of a litter of puppies saved his family. As he read, Louis
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stopped occasionally and asked the boy questions to test his comprehension.
Recently Liam’s speech had improved, so Louis had become more convinced he
was simply quiet by nature and not impaired.
“Can you tell me what happens on this page?” Louis knew Liam had the
story memorized. Now he listened while the little boy explained how Antoine
the pup got the upper hand on the bad guys.
Louis was so focused on his conversation with Liam that he didn’t notice
Dan lingering in the doorway until he happened to glance up. Dan smiled at
him, a secret, knowing smile that set Louis’s heart pattering like puppy paws.
Dan walked over and perched on the arm of the chair, his thigh pressing
against Louis’s arm. He leaned to kiss the top of Liam’s head and encouraged
him to continue. “What happens next?”
“The robbers run away, and the doggies live happy evah fafter.”
“That’s right,” Dan said. “If you guys are finished with story time, want to
go to the beach?”
Liam nodded so hard his head bumped Louis’s shoulder. “Yeah! Seashells.”
Cara stormed into the room, bathing suit on and beach tote packed and
ready to go. The little manager prodded and hurried everyone along until they
were all ready and out the door.
Louis learned that family time at the ocean wasn’t at all the same thing as
hanging out there with friends. Finding a parking spot and unloading all their
stuff was a project in itself, and then there was the headache of keeping Cara
close to shore when she was ready to body surf the big waves. The girl knew no
fear. Meanwhile, Liam only wanted to chase after seagulls, so his dad stayed
with him.
After a while, Dan and Louis switched places. Louis was glad to leave the
chilly saltwater where Cara was imagining herself a mermaid. Liam had run his
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limit and collapsed on the blanket, so Louis was able to take a rest too. He
watched Dan play with his daughter in the surf. Their sheer joy in each other’s
company made him smile. How different might his own life had been if he’d had
a great dad like that, or any dad at all?
“Liam, want to build a sand castle?” Louis asked and helped Louis carry
shovels and pails down to the wet sand near the ocean.
They were hard at work digging when Dan and Cara came to help. Louis
met Dan’s gaze over the heap of sand and the two busy children. The look that
passed between them was full of promises for later. Louis could hardly wait to
get back to the house and for evening to come. Since their night together, he and
Dan had texted and talked but hadn’t had an opportunity to get physically close.
Tonight. Tonight. The song earwormed through his brain. When he noticed
Liam echoing the tune, Louis realized he’d been humming aloud.
Dan chuckled at the silent message, and Cara’s head popped up. “What?
What’s funny?” She looked back and forth between her dad and Louis. “What
are you guys smiling about?”
“Nothing, Care Bear. Just enjoying the day,” Dan said.
At long last, the kids were tucked away in their beds. Louis and Dan worked
side by side in the kitchen, doing the cleanup they hadn’t gotten to earlier. As
they wiped down counters and put covered dishes into the fridge, they talked
about the kids, Crissi’s trip, the upcoming birthday party. But the chitchat rode
like foamy froth on a dark wave of desire. When their arms touched or glances
were exchanged, anticipation simmered between them.
“Come with me,” Dan commanded when there were no more tasks to
perform.
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Louis gladly surrendered his dishcloth and took the man’s hand, following
him to the master bedroom. Crissi’s room. He felt more than a little
uncomfortable at the thought of doing it in her bed, but if that was what Dan
wanted…
“Lie down.”
Ooh, Louis liked this new, forceful Dan. He did as he was bid, sliding onto
the bed and plumping up the pillows. He watched Dan, expecting maybe a strip
tease or something, but Dan turned on the TV.
“I figured we’d watch in here. You can’t download movies on your bedroom
TV, can you?”
“No. Uh, are we watching something special? A little kinky maybe?” Louis
waggled his brows, but he wasn’t too into the idea of watching porn. He’d had
enough of that world.
Dan grinned as he hopped onto the bed beside him. “Something like that.”
Within two seconds of the opening credits, Louis recognized the movie. “Oh
no. Not this.”
“I told you I wanted to see you as chollo number seven.”
“For one thing, I’m credited as gangbanger number three not seven, esse, and
for another, how the hell did you track me down?”
“IMDB.com. You have a profile on the database. Cute headshot, by the way.”
Louis palmed his face. “Sheesh. This is embarrassing. But I have to admit,
my walk-on performance aside, the movie’s pretty good.”
About two minutes into the opening action sequence, Louis glanced over at
Dan, staring at the screen. “You sure you want to spend our precious time alone
watching a murder mystery?” He rested a hand on Dan’s thigh. “I think we’d
like the movie even better if we watched it naked.”
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Dan gave him a sideways glance, took his hand and linked fingers. “Not
right now and not here. That would be too weird for me. Consider this the date
part of the evening. The rest can come later on.”
Louis sighed and settled back against the pillows, eager for the later-on part
but happy simply to spend some quality private time with Dan.
“Oh, look. There you are!” Dan laughed. “I wouldn’t have recognized you if
I weren’t looking for you.”
A couple of scenes later, Louis’s brief stint as a member of the bad guys’
posse ended in a hail of gunfire. He lay twitching on the floor of a warehouse.
“Ow. Great death scene.”
Louis smacked him. “Don’t make fun.”
“I’m not. You did great. Very believable.”
“Well, you know I’m a method actor. Went without breathing for an entire
ten minutes just to get it right,” Louis teased. He unlaced his fingers from Dan’s
and reached to cup his jaw and lean in for a kiss.
“Do you really want to watch this whole movie?” he whispered after he’d
made Dan breathless. “I’ll tell you how it ends, and then we can move on to part
two of the evening.”
A smile curved Dan’s moist lips. “Part two, eh?” He flicked off the television.
It was Louis’s turn to take Dan’s hand and lead him to his bedroom. The
burbling of the fountain in the fishpond outside floated through the open
window.
Dan stood in the center of the room, looking around. “This is an entirely
different character than your room at my house.”
Louis took in the cool blue hues and underwater vibe of the room. “Yeah.
Having two rooms of my own to decorate was like a dream come true. I decided
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to go fiesta bright for my room at your house and something more soothing
here.”
“Very nice.” Dan walked to the window and looked out. “You’ve got a good
view.”
Louis came up behind him and wrapped arms around his waist. He wasn’t
tall enough to rest his chin on Dan’s shoulder but pressed his cheek against it
and inhaled his delicious scent mingled with the aroma of fresh, growing things
wafting on the breeze.
“I’ve never lived anyplace as nice as your and Crissi’s houses. I love both of
them.”
“It must have been really hard for you being forced into the foster system,”
Dan said. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
Louis shrugged. “That’s life. It’s not always perfect.”
“No, I guess not.” Dan turned and took Louis in his arms. “Right now feels
pretty damn close, though.”
Louis melted, sighing with contentment at the feeling of those strong arms
around him once more. It had been far too long since their last encounter. He
wasn’t used to having to wait for what he wanted. Wham-bam encounters that
moved at breakneck speed were more his thing. This slow-burning fuse he had
going with Dan was driving him crazy. After they’d finally hooked up, he’d
assumed they’d be fucking every chance they got. But with the kids always right
there, it hadn’t been easy to find time—or maybe Dan simply hadn’t been ready
to plunge wholeheartedly into it. Now, at last, they had an uninterrupted month
of living together in the same house. That should provide plenty of
opportunities.
He slid his hands up Dan’s back and curled them over his shoulders, tipped
his head back and looked into his eyes. “I’ve missed you.”
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“Yeah, me too. I’ve been thinking about the other night all the time.”
“Good.” Louis leaned in and took possession of Dan’s mouth, tasting and
teasing at his lips, then plunging his tongue between them. Their tongues
wrestled together and their bodies followed. Clothes flew everywhere, and soon
they were on the bed, naked.
Dan’s hot flesh seared Louis’s. Hard muscle and bone wrapped around
Louis, pinning him to the mattress. Dan’s mouth was all over him, face, neck,
chest and then, oh God, sliding down his belly and engulfing his cock. Louis
stared at the erotic sight of Dan’s fist around his shaft, his mouth sucking hard.
He thrust his hips, offering more of himself.
Dan took it, took command of his body, touching, stroking and probing
everywhere. There was no hesitation this time, no uncertainty. Dan was
powerfully assertive, and Louis was glad to surrender control to him. In an
embarrassingly short time, he felt the swell of his orgasm shuddering through
him. As he came, bells pealed in his ears, clamoring joyously.
Louis opened his eyes to gaze down once more at the man who’d come into
his life so unexpectedly. Dan wiped his mouth. His eyes were glazed and dark,
hungry. Louis shivered with excitement as Dan crawled up his body. He loved
the weight of the other man’s body, their flesh sliding together, the bump against
his belly of Dan’s rigid cock. And then suddenly Dan grasped Louis’s body and
flipped him over.
Facedown, ass up, fingers gripping the pillow—what could be sweeter?
Louis remained passive as Dan stroked his back and pushed his cheeks apart to
explore his rear. His hole clenched, then opened, eager to be filled. Within
seconds, Dan obliged.
The coolness of lube bathed his entrance and slicked inside on Dan’s fingers.
Louis thrust back, inviting them in. Dan withdrew, leaving him empty and
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wanting; then he was back, bigger and harder, his cock driving inside. Louis
exhaled and let his body go loose, stretching around the invading presence.
Fill me. Fuck me. Use me, his inner submissive whimpered.
Dan’s body arched over his, groin to ass, stomach to back. Smack, smack,
smack. Driving into him with such force that the bed shook.
Louis murmured his appreciation, sometimes in English, sometimes in
Spanish. He knew Spanish was a big turn-on for most lovers he’d had. He used it
to whip their desire to fever pitch. Dan was no exception. The more Louis
muttered, the harder, faster and deeper Dan’s thrusting became.
His grunts of effort were exciting, and made Louis’s cock start to pulse again.
Then Dan froze, exhaled a low groan and trembled.
Oh yes. God, yes. Louis arched up to accept that final thrust, his body and
heart open and vulnerable to the man covering him. He wished he could say Dan
was special and he’d never felt this way before, but unfortunately Louis often
gave too much of himself away. The tender, trusting part which should have
been extinguished by the harsh realities of his life bloomed anew with each lover.
He always hoped for something more. It was only later, when one became two
again, that he usually ended up disappointed. Intimacy had a way of
evaporating along with the afterglow. Probably this ecstasy with Dan would be
no different.
Dan collapsed on him, and for a brief time, Louis closed his eyes and
imagined a life in which they could wake up curled together like this. But in a bit
Dan pulled away, leaving his back cold and his lungs able to breathe again.
Louis turned to look at the man beside him.
Dan lay with an arm flung over his head, staring at the ceiling. “That
was…simply amazing. Thank you.”
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“Thank you,” Louis replied. “Now, isn’t this much better than watching a
movie?”
Dan chuckled. “I’m still glad I saw your big-screen debut. Are there any
other hidden gems I should rent?”
Louis bit his lower lip. Now would be the time. The words trembled on his
lips. But what if saying them ruined everything? What if he lost, not only this
promising new romance, but the best job he’d ever had? A little word like “porn”
had a way of slamming doors in a guy’s face.
“Naw. Nothing worth watching,” Louis said.
Chapter Thirteen
If someone had asked Dan what the happiest day of his life was, he would’ve
answered truthfully that he couldn’t choose between the days his daughter and
son were born. But in the weeks following his moving into the house with Louis
and the kids, he came damn close to feeling perfect happiness.
His work was as full of headaches as ever, but it was easy to face those issues
each day knowing he’d return home to family every night. No more solitary
dinners in a silent house and no more lonely bed. He was greeted by the joyful
hugs of his two adorable children, or sometimes wails and whining, depending
on their mood, but even that was wonderful because he was also greeted by
Louis’s teasing smile and sparkling eyes. Their promise for what was to come
later in the night always set Dan’s heart pounding.
Every evening, after video chatting with Crissi and getting the kids, fed, read
and put to bed, he and Louis were alone at last. It was bliss. The fucking,
naturally, but even more so the lying in bed together and talking for hours.
Sometimes it was inconsequential chatter about minor details of life, and
sometimes their talk went deeper. They discussed philosophy and religion,
politics and world issues, extraterrestrial life and who’d kick more ass in a battle
between Batman and Superman.
Dan learned that Louis had strong Catholic roots due to his early upbringing,
but adapted by Louis with a very liberal slant. Louis disagreed with Dan’s belief
that US involvement in the affairs of foreign countries was absolutely necessary,
and he was firm in his conviction that Batman could outplay Superman, which
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was, of course, completely ludicrous. Obviously, Superman had more innate
strength and would blow Batman and his toys out of the water, but Louis
stubbornly refused to agree, declaring that the Caped Crusader was the cleverer
of the two and that would give him the extra edge he needed.
Luckily, they were in complete accord on the subject of extraterrestrial life.
Both fully believed in the existence of aliens and admitted to their inability to
pass by a TV channel if an ET documentary was on.
Lying in bed together, laughing, making love, arguing, and making love
again was everything Dan wanted. This was the relationship he’d yearned for all
his life. Crissi had supplied the friendship part, at least for a time, and Dan had
made do with straight sex. But experiencing the whole package—friend, partner,
passionate lover who aroused him effortlessly—was a new experience. Within a
few days, he knew he couldn’t bear to return to his old life again. Why should he
hit the dating trail when he’d already achieved the goal?
The Thursday evening before Crissi was to arrive home for Cara’s party, Dan
came home to screams of laughter welcoming him into the house like friendly, if
loud, music. Louis’s roars as he chased Liam and Cara echoed down the hallway.
A second later, the trio rounded the corner and raced toward him.
When Cara saw Dan, she ran to him and clambered up his legs as if he were
a tree. “Help! Help me, Daddy. Louis is a monster!”
He tossed her onto his shoulders; then he stooped to catch Liam and pull
him up to safety too. Louis growled and reached with his clawed fingers, but the
kids were safe with their daddy.
“Go away, creature of the night,” Dan ordered.
Louis raised an eyebrow. “I’m not a vampire. I’m a bear.”
Dan nudged him away with one foot. “Get back, beast.”
Louis slunk away on all fours and, damn, did his ass look good that way.
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He glanced back over his shoulder. “Fine. I won’t invite you all to my lair for
dinner, then.”
“Dinner? Why didn’t you say so?” Dan dropped the kids back on their own
two feet, and they all followed Louis to the dining room.
The aroma of a home-cooked meal had Dan salivating as Louis urged him to
sit and brought several covered dishes to the table.
“I can help.” Dan felt like a 1950s dad being waited on by Donna Reed in a
frilly apron.
“That’s okay. You’ve had a long day. Take it easy.”
Soon they were all digging into delicious stroganoff, which, surprisingly,
neither Liam nor Cara complained about.
“No chatting with Mom tonight, ’cause she’s already on the plane, right?”
Cara said through a full mouth of noodles.
“That’s right. She’ll come in late tonight and should be here when you wake
up in the morning.”
Cara glowed and began rattling off all the things she wanted to show her
mother. “And then it’s my birthday and we go see the ponies,” she finished.
“Not tomorrow but the day after,” Louis reminded her.
“I can’t wait. I can’t wait!” Cara bounced in her seat.
Dan glanced at Louis. While he was glad for the kids’ sake that they’d get to
see their mother again, he was a little nervous about Crissi’s visit. She knew him
too well. He was afraid she’d see the difference in him and sniff out the
connection between him and Louis. If she did, how would Crissi react to their
new relationship?
Louis met his gaze and offered a small smile. Dan’s heart actually ached at
the sight of it. Damn, he’d gone and fallen in love with the nanny. Louis was his
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first gay relationship, the guy he was meant to practice on, but he’d already
fallen for him hard.
Later that evening when the kids were asleep at last, which took some time
with Cara so overexcited, Dan had Louis to himself at last. He went into the blue-
hued room, closed the door and leaned against it, and gazed at Louis, who was
sorting through clean laundry on the bed.
Louis glanced up with a smirk. “You like me all domestic like this?”
“I like you every which way,” Dan said. “I was just thinking it’s going to be
hard to hide this from Crissi. The way I feel when I look at you probably shows
all over my face.”
Louis dropped a shirt and strolled over. “And how is that exactly?”
“I’m not sure exactly, but it’s probably obvious to anyone older than five. For
that matter, I think Cara is starting to suspect something.”
Louis waved the thought away. “Paranoid. Little kids are in their own
world, oblivious to a lot of what goes on around them. Besides, we haven’t done
anything to draw attention. Haven’t touched or kissed any place where the kids
might see us. Everything happens right here in my bedroom.”
Dan met Louis halfway and slid his arms around his narrow hips. “You’re
probably right. It’s just guilt talking. All of this feels so right yet so wrong at the
same time. Mostly because of the secrecy. I want to tell Crissi, but I’m afraid of
how she might react.”
They’d already discussed this too much, explored and picked the topic apart
like archeologists crawling over ruins. Keeping their relationship private seemed
wrong, but pouring it out to Crissi wasn’t a better option. Dan doubted she’d
welcome the news with a big smile and congratulations.
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“So, what do you want to do?” Louis cocked his head. “It’s your decision. If
you feel better having it all out in the open, I can get on board with that. If you
want to keep it secret, that’s cool too.”
Dan frowned. “You’re too easy on me. It’s not just my decision. This is your
job. I don’t want to make things any more uncomfortable for you than they
probably already are.”
“Okay. You want to know what I really think? I think we shouldn’t worry so
much. We have tonight together, and after Crissi’s visit, a few more weeks. By
then, we’ll be ready to come out. Let’s not let stress ruin things.”
With Louis’s arms stealing around his waist, his face coming closer, filling
Dan’s vision, all worries fled. This was what he wanted. Exactly this: Louis’s
mouth mashing against his, Louis’s hands stroking up and down his back, then
cupping his rear, Louis’s body pressed against his. Desire galloped through Dan
and carried reason away with it.
Over the past weeks, they’d had plenty of opportunity to take their time
making love, but tonight it was fast and furious fucking, no holds barred. Louis’s
hands dug into his flesh with bruising strength. Dan scraped his teeth down
Louis’s cock, making him cry out. They flung themselves across the bed so hard
the frame creaked. But neither of them slowed down.
In a few short minutes, with most of their clothes still on, they came together.
Without penetration, merely rubbing each other and kissing, both men climaxed.
Chest heaving, Dan glanced down at the messy aftermath of breathtaking
ecstasy. He thought about his children’s lives, once contained in a blot of semen
like the one on his belly. So weird that two lives existed because of it, and so
strange that his desires ran contrary to the design of life.
“Thinking deep thoughts?” Louis rasped near his ear and clipped Dan’s lobe
between his teeth.
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“Just pondering spunk.”
“Oo-kay.”
“What it’s meant for and how we pervert that. I don’t mean that in a
negative way, I swear, but the stuff is meant to propagate the species.”
Louis pulled back and stared at him. “Are we going to have a philosophical
discussion tonight? I don’t know if I’m up for it, but okay, consider this, every
time a guy spills his juice for any reason—even masturbating—he could be
considered to be wasting the potential for life. Want me to go old-school Catholic
on you and tell you people should all be celibate unless they’re procreating for
the greater glory of God? I know how to talk the talk, but I’m never going to
walk that walk.”
Dan smiled. “That’s okay. I don’t want a debate. I was just thinking, and you
asked, so I told you.”
Louis reached for the box of tissues and offered it to Dan. “Do you really
worry about that stuff?”
“No. Maybe a little, sometimes.”
“I got over it. I loved my mother, so I respected her religion, but I decided
young not to let it rule my life. I found my balance, kept the useful parts like
‘love thy neighbor’, and I’m happy with it.”
Dan folded his arms behind his head and stared at the ceiling. He’d seen
more of Louis’s ceiling in the past weeks than the one in Crissi’s bedroom. He
was starting to love Louis’s ceiling.
“Speaking of sex,” Louis said. “I need to tell you something.”
Dan glanced over to see an unaccustomed frown knitting those dark brows.
Worry skittered up his spine like little mice feet. “What is it?”
“Uh, it’s about my past work history. Probably should have told you a lot
sooner but I was afraid to bring it up, afraid it would change things.”
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Now the mice feet were racing all over his skin. This didn’t sound good.
“This is probably a really shitty time to bring it up, but I’m beginning to
realize there’s never going to be a good time. The longer it goes on, the guiltier
I’m starting to feel. You might not even think it’s such a big deal. You know
about the exotic dancing and you were okay with that, so—”
“Louis, just tell me,” Dan cut across his rambling. “You’re starting to scare
me.” He braced himself, waiting to hear that Louis had been a whore. It wouldn’t
shock him. He’d guessed the dancers at Zipline might entertain certain
customers for a fee.
“You know the producer I told you I lived with? Well, I also worked for his
production company, Rainy Day films.”
Dan waited. “And…?”
Louis took a breath. “I was an actor.”
Dan waited again, still not getting it. Except he thought maybe he was. What
kind of movie would Louis be afraid to admit to doing?
“You never watched a Rainy Day?” Louis asked. “They’re top-of-the-line
adult films. Good quality and a little more plot than the average… Oh hell, who
am I kidding? The cinematography is good, but the content is the same old
thing.” He paused, then added, “Anyway, I thought it was about time I told you.
You don’t have to worry about diseases. The industry keeps it clean, and you’ve
seen my most recent test results.”
Louis continued talking, but his voice was becoming a distant buzz. Porn
movies. His new lover, the man he was becoming so attached to, had acted in sex
films. He’d had sex—on film—for pay. Dan had always known Louis was much
more sexually experienced than he was, but this was something else entirely.
Unexpected, unnerving, yet strangely arousing on some deep, dark level he
didn’t even want to contemplate.
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“So, what are you thinking?” Louis ended his overly detailed explanation
about safe sex on an adult film set.
“Gay or straight movies?”
“You’ve really never watched a Rainy Day film? They’re to gay guys what
Disney is to kids. The company’s been around a long time, and they really do
make the best quality stuff. Damn, I sound like I’m making excuses. I know this
is probably really weird for you, but I wanted you to know everything about me.
This is a job I had for a while, nothing more, and it’s over now. I hope you can
accept that.”
“But the movies are still out there.” Dan pictured Louis doing what they’d
just done with some actor and random strangers with their eyes glued to
flickering images of Louis on a screen while they jerked off. His Louis, bare-assed
and fucking, or being fucked, for anyone to see. Once again he was both horrified
and perversely titillated by the idea.
“Does that bother you?” Louis’s beautiful green eyes studied him closely.
How could the man look so wide-eyed and wholesome when he’d done the
things he’d done. And what exactly were those things? How kinky were Rainy
Day films, which, as a gay man, Dan was apparently supposed to know about.
“I-I don’t know exactly what to say,” Dan admitted. He wasn’t about to air
all his conflicted feelings. He didn’t want Louis to be hurt or feel condemned. On
the other hand, he couldn’t pretend this was no big deal. It absolutely was. For
God’s sake, his kids were being cared for by a porn actor.
No. Not just some porn actor. Louis. Louis, who’d clearly made some career
choices Dan would never had made, but then, Dan had never been dirt poor.
He’d come from money. He had no idea what being truly broke felt like.
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“Can you say something?” Louis prompted. “Anything. Just tell me how this
makes you feel. If it’s disgusted and horrified, I’d rather know and get it over
with.”
“I’m not thrilled,” Dan said tentatively. “But I’m not judging either. I’ve
never had to walk in your shoes. I can’t presume to understand why you made
the choices you made.”
Louis was lying beside him, head propped on hand. Now he sat and crossed
his legs, arms resting on his knees. “At the time, I was broke. I met Bryan at
Zipline. He saw me dance and asked me out for a drink. I didn’t fuck customers I
met while dancing. I want you to know that. But Bryan and I hit it off. We had
some good times, and pretty soon I moved in with him.”
Louis took a breath. “Acting in his company’s movies wasn’t a requirement
of the arrangement. I’m no whore.”
Dan shook his head. No, of course not. I would never have imagined such a thing.
Even though that’s exactly what he’d been worried about.
“Pretty soon I was around the studio a lot of the time, running errands,
doing some production work, fetching and carrying as needed. I talked to the
actors, saw they were just regular guys making a damn good living doing
something pretty damn simple. Since I still had my SAG card, one of the
directors asked me to fill in one day when an extra didn’t show up. Not a sex
scene. I played a concierge. Next thing I knew, I’d agreed to take a bigger role…a
sexier role. And then I was part of the team.”
“For how long? How many movies?” Dan asked and prayed he didn’t sound
as upset as he felt.
“A couple of years. A handful of flicks.” Louis blinked. “This really bothers
you, doesn’t it?”
“Go on. What made you quit?”
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“Like I told you when you thought I’d only been stripping, I got tired of
being man meat. I wanted to do something more meaningful with my life than
make sex movies. I’d already broken up with Bryan and moved out. Once I
decided to quit, it was easy to turn down any more roles. The hard part was
hiding that part of my résumé from the Trusted Caregivers company when I
decided to try nannying. They do a pretty thorough background check.”
If this was as thorough as the Caregivers screening process was, he and Crissi
might have hired some criminal. Not that Louis’s abilities as a childcare provider
should be negated by his connection to the adult-film industry. Damn, no
wonder Louis had been so afraid to “come out” to them. He’d feared exactly the
reaction Dan was having.
“It must have been really tough to admit all that to me,” Dan finally said.
“I’m glad you came clean.”
Louis looked more worried than ever. He reached out as if to touch Dan’s
leg, then pulled his hand back. “You’re grossed out.”
Dan sat and pulled his pants back up. His fly was still wide open, his flaccid
cock hanging. He tucked himself away and zipped up.
“Obviously I’m not happy that you kept such a big secret from me and
Crissi, but I do understand why. I just need some time to process this. You can
understand that.”
“Sure.”
Dan climbed out of bed. Less than a half hour since he’d entered Louis’s
room and suddenly everything was completely different. He felt as if an
earthquake had shaken him, leaving him off-kilter. “I’m going to sleep in the
other bedroom tonight. We’ll talk about this after Crissi’s visit is over.”
“Okay.”
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Louis got up too. His shirt was open, his smooth chest and stomach on
display. Though he’d pulled up his jeans, the fly was unfastened and Dan caught
a glimpse of a dark tangle of curls and the curve of his cock. How he hated to
walk away from that. And when saw the hurt in Louis’s eyes, Dan hated himself
for pulling away and leaving him feeling dirty.
“I’m sorry. I just need time to wrap my mind around it.”
Louis gave a curt nod. “I understand. I guess I’d gotten so used to hanging
around people in the adult industry that I sort of forgot how other people look at
it.”
“Can I ask you one thing?”
Louis swallowed. “Yeah.”
“Why’s the company called Rainy Day?”
Louis gave a sharp bark of laughter, and once again a smile lit his expressive
face. “That’s your only question? Bryan said something once about naming it
after an old song he liked, Rainy Day People, but maybe it’s really because people
like to whack off when they’re stuck at home on a rainy day.”
Dan smiled back. How could he not when Louis was so irrepressible and
irresistible. He came close to closing the door behind him and diving right back
into Louis’s bed.
“Night, Louis.”
“Good night, Dan.” The words followed him down the hall. A cold trickle of
dread slid down his spine because the words sounded eerily like a good-bye.
Chapter Fourteen
“Horses. Horses. We’re gonna see horses.” Cara led her friends in a
repetitive chant. Shrill little-girl voices drilled into Louis’s brain as the group of
four bounced up and down in the parking lot of the stable like jumping beans.
The cute factor had left the equation some time ago. Now he was counting the
minutes until this ordeal was over. But, if he was being honest, it wasn’t because
of the kids.
He looked up from tying Liam’s shoe and caught Crissi’s gaze on him again.
Since yesterday morning when she’d arrived home, she’d seemed aware of
changes in the air. Louis had made every effort not to look at Dan with longing,
but evidently he’d failed. Or maybe Dan had been sneaking glances at him.
Either way, Crissi had noticed the vibe simmering between them—maybe.
Would she bring up her suspicions or just pretend she didn’t see?
As if that weren’t enough, Louis was walking on shards of glass about Dan’s
reaction to him having been a porn actor. He was desperate for Crissi to return to
Europe so he and Dan could have a good, long discussion about it.
Dan had taken in the information quietly, reflectively, as was his way. He
hadn’t blown up, which was almost more frightening. Louis would rather have
him get angry then get over it. What if, after taking these few days to consider, he
decided to cut Louis loose?
Damn, why had he ever thought it was a good idea to spill everything? He’d
been feeling all warm and romantic from the sex and wanted Dan to know
everything about him. With his usual impulsiveness, he’d just blurted it out.
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Maybe, in a way, it had been a test to see if Dan could hear the worst about him
and still like him.
Maybe it was a test Dan would fail.
“I really need to stop giving it all away,” Louis muttered at Liam’s shoe as he
finished tying the lace. By now, he should’ve learned better than to lay his heart
open so easily, but he kept making the same mistake over and over, bounding in
like some tail-wagging, trusting dog and being surprised when he got his nose
slapped. For a guy who’d acted out sex scenes for a living, he should be cooler
about it when it came to the real thing.
Crissi came over to take Liam’s hand. “You were right, Louis. Having only a
few girls is enough for a six-year-old’s party. I was originally planning quite an
extravaganza.”
Louis rose. “Well, I figured too many kids and they’d be hard to keep track
of, and I wanted an even number because with three, somebody’s always left
out.”
Crissi swung Liam’s hand as they walked from the car toward the stables.
Dan was ahead of them, explaining the rules of behavior to the four girls. “God,
I’ve missed being with my family. It’s only been a couple of weeks, but it seems
like months.”
“How is the shoot going?” Louis asked. Crissi hadn’t talked too much about
it during their video chats.
“Busy. Exhausting. Very physical. There’s a lot of running and fighting in
this movie. What about here? I’ve been sensing some tension between you and
Dan. Are you getting along all right?”
Are we getting along? Hah! “Everything’s great. I think it’s just the stress of
planning the party and wrangling these kids.”
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He hated lying to her. Crissi looked at him with those cool blue eyes and
nodded, totally believing him. “Well, it’ll be over soon, and everything will
return to normal. I wish I could stay longer, but I’ve got to fly back tonight.”
She stooped to pick up Liam and cover his face and neck with kisses until he
shrieked with laughter. “And how’s my little guy? Did you miss Mommy?”
Louis left them to their bonding and trotted up to help Dan handle the party
guests. The groom Louis had met after making arrangements with the stable
owner emerged from one of the buildings. She greeted everyone, squatted down
to the kids’ level and began to talk to them about horses. She was clearly
experienced at dealing with children, and it was a relief to let her take over.
“Horses are very big, so some people find them a little scary, but they’re
gentle animals if you approach them calmly and quietly.” She pressed a finger to
her lips.
After her spiel, she brought the kids inside and introduced them to the
horses in their stalls. The girls were soon patting velvet noses and feeding
handfuls of hay to nibbling mouths. Only Brianna held back, afraid to get her
fingers too close to those large, crunching teeth.
Smart kid, Louis thought. He wasn’t anxious to touch the animals himself.
Several stable hands helped get a pair of horses ready to ride, while the
groom explained the purpose of each piece of tack. The little girls were hardly
listening to her tutorial, they were so excited at the prospect of actually taking a
ride. Soon the horses were saddled and bridled and led into the corral. The
groom explained to the girls how to grip with their knees, keep their heels down
and hold the reins loosely.
Cara and her friend Regina took the first turn being led around the corral.
Plenty of photos were taken of the birthday girl’s beaming face. She’d reached
the pinnacle of existence—riding an actual horse.
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Louis caught Dan’s eye and smiled, happy to be sharing this special moment
with him. A slight smile curved Dan’s lips before he looked away. Louis’s joy
deflated like one of the party balloons. Of course they couldn’t grin at each other
like fools with Crissi right there to observe them. But Dan’s aloof manner hurt.
How upset was he about the porn acting? Was he ready to end their short affair
the moment he and Louis had a chance to talk?
Diva Beth stood with her arms folded, pouting about having to wait for her
turn to ride. Louis tried to tease her out of her mood, but the kid was every inch
the spoiled brat Cara’s description of her had led him to expect. At last, it was
Beth’s and Brianna’s turns. Brianna balked, shaking her head vigorously, so
Crissi set Liam on the horse’s back instead.
Watching Crissi walk alongside Liam, making sure he stayed steady in the
saddle, Louis felt a fresh wave of remorse, both for nailing her ex-husband and
for keeping his past a secret. She deserved to know everything about the person
watching her kids, but he feared she’d fire him in a heartbeat once she knew. Life
had suddenly gotten as sticky as a spider’s web, and he didn’t see a way out
without tearing the web to shreds.
After the stable visit was over, the adults herded the children back into two
cars and drove them to the house, where a picnic luncheon awaited. Dan had
hired caterers, and the backyard was decorated with Chinese lanterns, balloons
and streamers. Burgers and massive quantities of sugar in the form of soda and
ice-cream cake were ingested, and then Cara opened presents. Screaming girls
raced over the lawn as they played games. Before the celebration was over, there
was an inevitable fight. Names were called, tears shed, and finally everyone
went home with party favors.
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Three worn-out adults collapsed in lawn chairs to watch the caterers restore
the yard to normal. Perks to being rich, Louis thought. No cleanup.
“God, I dread getting back on that plane.” Crissi sipped a beer and watched
Cara and Liam playing quietly together with Cara’s newest ponies.
“I’ll take you to the airport and wait with you,” Dan said.
“You don’t have to. I’ll take a taxi. It’s the middle of the night.”
“I’ll take you,” he said firmly.
Louis listened to the give and take of a couple who obviously still cared
about each other. They had so much history together, he felt very much an
interloper. He might fuck Dan, but he’d probably never achieve this sort of
closeness with him. Anyway, his future with Dan was looking increasingly bleak
as the man had barely made eye contact with him all day.
“Crissi, before you go, there are a few things we need to discuss.”
Dan’s quiet, serious voice stopped Louis’s blood cold in his veins. He was
going to tell Crissi everything right here, right now, about the affair and about
Louis’s seamy past. His stomach lurched, threatening to spew ice-cream cake.
But then Dan was talking about finances and insurance issues, and the moment
of panic passed. It was only then that Louis truly understood what a narrow line
he walked, how he could lose this wonderful new home in a heartbeat, and how
very much it was going to hurt when that inevitably happened.
He left the Krefmans to their discussion, walking over to stare at the lights
reflected in the pool. Cara’s and Liam’s voices drifted to him, and he closed his
eyes as the lights begin to blur. He felt sick. Leaving those kids would be like
losing his own children. He’d come to care for them that much. And Crissi was
the sister he’d never had. As for Dan… He couldn’t even begin to contemplate
that loss.
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Everything was going to blow up in his face very soon, and he had no one
but himself to blame for it. He should’ve kept Dan as a boss and friend, suffered
the pangs of desire in silence. If he’d worked on a real relationship to start with
and saved the sex for later, maybe he could have somehow made this work. But
as it was, he feared he was about to lose not only the man he’d grown to love, but
the first real family he’d ever had.
Chapter Fifteen
When life changed, it happened as fast as a semitruck smashing into your car
on a bright sunny morning as you were driving along, singing along with the
radio. Boom! One hit and everything exploded into shards of glass and metal.
Dan had thought Louis’s announcement about being a porn actor was that semi,
but he was wrong. That was a tiny ding to the fender compared to what
happened next.
After Cara’s party, Crissi tucked both kids into bed, covered them with
kisses and promised she’d be home soon. Her eyes glistened with tears when she
met Dan in the hallway outside their bedrooms. He held out his arms, and she
stepped into his hug with a sniffling shudder.
“I don’t like this. I’m never going on location for so long again. It’s too far
away. I’m sure Jeff can find me a spot on some TV drama as a mom or
something. I’m ready to stop traveling and be home every night.”
Dan rubbed her back. “You’re not retiring into TV just yet. Your career’s still
got legs. You’re just getting your second wind.”
She pulled away and looked up at him. “There’s no shame in TV these days.
Lots of screen actors go back and forth if they find a good enough role.”
“Why not a hair-coloring commercial while you’re at it. Ads are easy
money.”
She slapped him in the chest. “Why are you being like this?”
“Because I don’t think you’d be doing it just to stay near the kids. I think
you’ve been giving up on your career for a while now.”
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“Where is this coming from?” Her eyes flashed as she took a step away from
him. “You’re being mean.”
“I’m being honest. I know you too well, Crissi. You slipped off the A-list and
it shook your confidence. So you’re trying to make some sort of preemptive
strike by choosing to walk away, but what you really want is to be back on top.”
“That’s not true. I don’t care about that anymore. I only care about spending
more time with Cara and Liam.”
Her fair skin flushed, and her lips tightened to a straight line. Dan didn’t
know why he was baiting her. He only knew he’d rather see an angry Crissi than
the sad-eyed stranger she’d been recently.
“I’m not giving up, only shifting gears.” Her eyes narrowed. “You, of all
people, should know that people change what they want out of life.”
His desire to bait her instantly evaporated. Some of Crissi’s shaken
confidence could be placed on his doorstep. Aging never helped an actress’s
career, but if he hadn’t broken his news when he did, she’d have had more
strength to fight.
“I’m sorry. You have every right to take whatever jobs you want. And you
know how I feel about your work in Undisciplined. You were transformed in that
role and deserved some recognition for it.”
She snorted. “Ah yes, the little indie that couldn’t. Only you and a few critics
saw and liked it. Otherwise it was a big black hole.”
“People are idiots. You were great.” He stepped forward and hugged her
again. “Sorry for being a dick. It’s been a long day.”
“Do you really think I’m settling if I take a TV role?” Her voice was muffled
by his shirt.
“No. You wouldn’t be settling. And, Crissi, you’re a great mom. Our amazing
kids are proof of that.”
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He held her soft body and couldn’t help but compare it to Louis’s hard,
muscular frame. Why couldn’t he want this? Life would be so much easier. But
he couldn’t and didn’t want her. What he wanted was Louis, right now, this very
evening. He realized in that moment that he’d accepted Louis’s porn past and
wasn’t going to tell Crissi about it. She didn’t need to know.
But as for their growing relationship, that couldn’t remain a secret much
longer. When Crissi returned from her shoot, he and Louis would tell her the
truth together.
After dropping Crissi off at the airport that night and getting very little sleep
in the wee hours of the morning, Dan bid Louis and the kids a hasty good-bye at
breakfast and texted a “we’ll talk later” message from work. It wasn’t until the
following evening after the kids were put to bed that they finally had a chance to
talk.
Louis fidgeted in his armchair like it was a seat in the principal’s office, and
Dan felt sort of like a principal, sitting in judgment. He wanted to ease Louis’s
fears, so he jumped right in.
“I’m not going to pretend I wasn’t taken aback by what you told me about
your, uh, job history. But as my ex-wife recently pointed out to me, if anyone
should understand about making life changes, it’s me. You didn’t like the course
yours had taken, so you corrected it. I get why you hesitated to tell us before we
hired you. It’s not the kind of thing most prospective employers would accept.”
“Hey, I had a great work ethic. I always showed up on time,” Louis
volunteered with a weak smile.
Dan smiled back. How could he not when Louis was so obviously nervous
and trying hard to keep things light?
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“Do you think I have to tell Crissi eventually?”
“Maybe eventually.” Dan bit his lip. “But I think it’s more important that we
tell her about our relationship. I didn’t want to upset her during what’s already a
stressful time, but as soon as she’s back.”
Louis quit picking at the brocade on the chair arm. “You want to tell her
about us? So, you’re saying we still have a relationship?”
“As far as I’m concerned. How do you feel about it? Is this just a fling for you
or something more?” Dan held his breath, as anxious to hear Louis’s answer as
Louis had been to hear his.
What he didn’t expect was for Louis to let out a whoop of laughter. He threw
back his head, and a hoarse guffaw burst forth. He laughed while tears squeezed
from the corners of his eyes. He wiped them away as he gasped for breath. “Yes,
Dan. To me, this is definitely ‘something more’. I’ve suffered through enough
bad relationships in my life that I can tell the difference between a fly-by-night
affair and something special. This”—he gestured back and forth between them—
“is the real deal. You’re the one I’ve been searching for for a long time.”
It was way more than Dan had expected. Maybe too much. His heart
pounded. Louis was offering words that sounded a lot like love, and Dan didn’t
know if he was ready for that. But he was ready for the strained atmosphere
between them to relax and return to normal.
He rose from his chair and held out a hand. “Wanna go make up now?”
Louis grinned and let Dan pull him to his feet. “Making up’s the best.”
Louis was absolutely right. Every featherlight touch on his skin, every
nibbling kiss, was softer and sweeter than ever been before. They made love
while looking into each other’s eyes, which actually proved quite difficult. Dan
fought to remain focused near the end as their bodies slapped together and their
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breath panted in harsh gasps. His orgasm unfurled, and every instinct was to
close his eyes and let himself be swept away, but he forced himself to maintain
contact with Louis. Those green eyes pulled him in like tracer beams. When Dan
reached his peak and fell, it was as if he were falling right into the deep pools of
Louis’s eyes.
Afterward, as they lay together, cocooned in blankets and adrift in words,
Dan was perfectly content.
And the next day.
And the next. Each one more glowingly perfect than the last.
But a week after her visit, Crissi called Dan on his cell during a meeting and
left an urgent message for him to return her call. Worried by her tone, Dan called
as soon as he got it. He was sitting at the desk in his office, staring out the
window at the smog-hazed buildings, when the semitruck crashed into his life.
“Dan, have you seen any of the tabloids?” Crissi’s voice was tense.
“No. I never look at those. You shouldn’t either. After all these years, I can’t
believe you still pay any attention—”
“Shut up. Listen,” she barked. “My publicist keeps me up-to-date on
anything that matters. If it’s two-headed alien pregnancy shit about me, she
doesn’t bother, but if any story has a grain of truth, Nia calls me, and we figure
out a strategy. She wouldn’t waste my time if she didn’t think this was for real.”
Acid burned in Dan’s stomach. “What is it?”
“It’s about Louis, and it looks really bad.”
“What about Louis?” Dan cringed, closed his eyes and rested his forehead
against his hand.
“I’m sending the article. Take a look.” Almost before she’d stopped
speaking, the incoming-mail message dinged. Dan opened a scanned cover of
The People’s Right to Know, one of the raggiest rags to ever waste wood pulp. One
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of the images accompanying the article was of their family at the horse barn,
everybody smiling in the sunlight. Louis was circled and identified as nanny to
famous actress Crissi Jondalar’s children. Beside this wholesome photo, a screen
capture showed Louis, naked, with a couple of other naked men, their pertinent
parts blurred, even though it was obvious what mouths and hands were doing
and to whom. The headline read: Raw Nanny-Cam Photos.
“Aw, Jesus,” Dan breathed.
“No shit,” Crissi answered. “Read the article.”
Dan skimmed it. The journalist quickly dropped the nanny-cam idea, which
had merely been a hook, but explained in truthful detail about Crissi Jondalar’s
nanny having worked in the porn industry and danced at a strip club. The bald
facts about Louis’s past smeared his character but also made it seem as if Crissi
was a negligent mother not to have uncovered these things before hiring the
man. Dan was barely mentioned in the article. The focus was on a fading actress
working so hard to resurrect her career that she couldn’t be concerned with her
kids’ welfare.
People who knew Crissi would realize it was bullshit, but the salacious news
painted her in a negative light for the ticket-buying public who might be
influenced by what they saw in the tabloids.
There must be a grain of truth to it, or it couldn’t be in print seemed to be what
people thought. This time, unfortunately, they’d be right.
“What do you think?” Crissi said. “I mean, that’s Louis in the photo, right?
Not just somebody who looks like him?”
Dan drew a deep breath. “Yes. It’s Louis. Crissi, there’s something I have to
tell you…”
Chapter Sixteen
“You want to make ruby slippers for your pony?” Louis studied the blunt,
rounded hooves of the plastic animal. “Um, how are they going to stay on?”
“With tape,” Cara answered. “It’ll work. I know it. All we need is a band to
wrap around each hoof and a lot of red glitter. Then we’ll use the camera and
shoot Wizard of Oz with ponies for Liam. It’ll be really cool.”
He smiled at her extravagant gestures and bright eyes. “That’s really
creative. I’m sure we can figure something out. I suppose Emerald gets stuck
playing the Witch of the West since she’s the only pony that’s green.”
“Yeah. We can use Playdo to make her nose bigger and black marker to draw
a frown on her.”
“You know the marker won’t come off after,” he warned.
“That’s okay. I never liked Emerald that much anyway.”
Louis suppressed a laugh and nodded sagely. “Okay, I’ll help you work on it
after school and while Liam’s napping. It’ll be a big surprise. Although maybe
he’d like to be a part of it. Do you want to ask him?”
“Naw. Just me and you. We’ll surprise Mom and Dad too, when we show
them the movie.”
“Okay.” Louis had noticed Cara was moving away from the more childish
“Mommy and Daddy” to a curt “Mom and Dad”. Six seemed too young to begin
to lose those sweet, babyish ways. “We’ll make a list of supplies we need. Why
don’t you practice printing the words? I’ll tell you how to spell them.”
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Cara went to get paper and pencil just as Louis’s phone rang. The mere sight
of Dan’s name on caller ID made him grin like a fool as he answered. “Hey,
what’s up?”
“Can you talk?”
His tone made Louis’s smile dry up like spit on a hot sidewalk. “What’s
happened?”
“The front page of The People’s Right to Know. Crissi’s publicist sent it to her,
and she contacted me.”
Louis gripped the phone hard. He wanted to crack about how stupid the
articles in the tabloid were, but from Dan’s tone, he knew this was serious.
“What is it?”
“A picture of our family next to a shot of you in one of your movies. The
article paints Crissi as a negligent mother too focused on work to hire decent
child care. Not much as far as celebrity gossip goes, but maybe it’s a slow week.”
Louis felt as if the walls were crumbling around him. House of cards. You knew
it couldn’t last. “How bad will this be for Crissi?”
“Something like this throws up red flags to studio heads. We’re not sure yet
how it’s going to impact the movie she’s shooting, but—”
“But I’ve got to get out of the picture fast,” Louis finished.
“No. That’s not what I meant.”
“I’ll pack my things and leave as soon as the agency can send a temporary
replacement. A scandal like this will die fast if there’s nothing to fan it. I need to
leave.”
“You can’t. Liam and Cara both love you. I—”
“They’ll get used to someone new and forget me soon enough.” Louis’s
throat was closing up, threatening to choke him. “Anyway, I’m sure Crissi wants
me out.”
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“She told me to call and warn you but didn’t say anything about firing you.”
“She doesn’t have to. It’s a no-brainer.”
“Slow down. We need to talk about this. There’s more—”
Louis shut him down. “Liam’s calling for me. I gotta go.” He hung up before
Dan’s voice could bring him to tears.
Cara trotted back into the room, paper and pencil clutched in one hand,
yammering on about how she’d draw the backdrop of the Emerald City.
“Honey, why don’t you sit down and start on the list. Spell as best you can.
I’ll be right back.”
She sat on the living room floor with her paper spread on the coffee table
and began printing. Louis hurried to Dan’s office and got on the Internet. The
People’s Right to Know had a teaser for the current front-page article, enticing new
subscribers. One glance at the headline, Raw Nanny-Cam Shots, and Louis was
ready to rush to the bathroom and throw up. A photo of Louis with the Krefman
family at the stables was right beside a screen capture from Weekend Lovers—
sweet and wholesome versus menage sex.
Louis stared at the family photo, a sundrenched, happy family with a circle
drawn around the one figure that didn’t belong—him. Louis remembered one of
the stable hands taking a group photo with Crissi’s camera. He’d apparently also
captured shots with his phone, hoping to sell the images. Probably wouldn’t
have gotten too far with the dull family picture if someone along the line hadn’t
recognized the gay porn actor’s face.
God, he wanted to erase the images from the screen and rip up every copy of
the tabloid. He could see it spreading across the country like a virus, a clear
image of his face and blurred groin at checkout counters everywhere. It was his
own fault his naked body was out there in the world, his privacy gone forever.
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He’d sold himself to begin with. You can’t unring a bell. He used to tease his mom
about that silly expression when she’d used it on him, but it was absolutely true.
Tears blurred his vision again, and he scrubbed them away. Fuck. He didn’t
have time for crying. He had to stay strong and get through the next twenty-four
hours or so. Then he could fall apart and weep for all he’d lost.
“Louie, Louie, whoaaah, we gotta go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.” Liam’s tinny
voice came from the baby monitor in Dan’s office.
Even in his misery, Louis couldn’t help but smile. He’d played that song for
Liam a couple of times, and the little guy had instantly glommed on to it as his
new favorite thing. He’d memorized the tune and made up his own words for
the unintelligible parts of the song.
Goddamn but he didn’t want to leave these kids. They wouldn’t understand
that Louis was only an employee and sometimes people changed jobs. They’d
only know someone they loved had left them, and he could never let them know
how much he didn’t want to.
And what about Dan? There was no possibility they could maintain a
relationship after this. Dan would need to distance himself from Louis’s mess.
What would he do next? He’d already learned it wasn’t possible to survive
on minimum wage in this city, and he had no education for anything more. Plus,
it seemed his porn past would follow him wherever he went and ruin any
chances at legit employment. Maybe it was time to go back east and see if he
could start over.
But Dan, his heart moaned.
Is history, he informed it. Time to let go and move on.
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A few hours later, with Cara dropped off at kindergarten and the agency
promising to send an emergency replacement for him, Louis was packing his
bags when a text came through.
Need to talk. Will call later tonight.
Crissi’s message sent a fresh wave of guilt and nausea through him. He
never wanted to face her or hear the disappointment and anger in her voice. And
he sure as hell couldn’t bear to see Dan, who’d texted he was coming home early
to troubleshoot this thing. Louis couldn’t pack fast enough. He prayed the
agency’s replacement arrived before Dan did. If he managed this right, he could
leave the Krefmans with only a letter of apology to remember him by and a
promise that he’d make it right by coming clean to the media. He’d let people
know the Krefmans had been ignorant of his past and couldn’t be blamed for it.
Louis rammed a couple more shirts in his duffel and struggled to zip it.
“What are you doing?” Dan’s voice interrupted his frantic packing.
Louis whirled to face him. Dan stood in the doorway, blocking his escape.
“Packing. I told you I’m going to leave. It’s the best thing I can do. Cara’s at
school right now, Liam’s napping, and a temp is coming from the agency to fill
in for me until you can hire someone permanent.”
“Are you crazy?” Dan moved toward him. “I wasn’t done talking to you on
the phone, and then you stopped answering my calls and texts. I have to tell you
the rest of what Crissi and I discussed.”
“There’s more?”
“I told you there was more, but you wouldn’t shut up and listen.” Dan
stopped right in front of him. There was no way Louis could leave without
pushing past him. “I told her about us too. I figured it was time she knew
everything.”
“Oh.”
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“I told her I already knew about your past, and I apologized that we weren’t
upfront about everything when she was home for Cara’s birthday.”
A flutter of wings beat inside Louis’s chest. Something like hope or
happiness stretched tentatively. “Oh,” he repeated.
“She was pissed, of course, but when she calmed down, she said not to do
anything until she’s had a chance to think things through.”
Louis shouldered his bag. “I’m not going to do anything except disappear
somewhere. The paparazzi were swarming outside the school. I had a hell of a
time getting Cara inside, and I’m sure photos were taken of us and Liam.”
“I’m not surprised. They’re gathering outside the gates too. They’re as close
as they can get to the house and circling like sharks. You’d think they’d have
bigger stories than this to sniff out.” His phone rang, and he pulled it out of his
pocket. A frown puckered his brow as he looked at the caller ID. “Crissi’s
publicist. Hey, Nia. What’s up?”
Louis watched the play of emotions on Dan’s face, saw the moment when
worry turned into something worse—fear.
“Oh shit.”
Louis’s heavy bag was digging into his shoulder, and it hurt like hell. All he
wanted to do was escape this room, this house, this life he’d pretended to be a
part of but which could never really be his.
“Just a second, Nia. I’m putting you on speaker. Louis should hear this too.”
“—that’s the best way we can deal with it.” A forceful female voice filled the
room. “Trust me. I know how to spin these things. This doesn’t have to be a
disaster.”
“Tell Louis about the other article.” Dan looked at him with an unreadable
expression.
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“Hi, Louis. So, you’re the cause of all my headaches today. Nice to meet you.
Anyway, the porn stuff is just the beginning. Not to be outdone, Entertainment
Times has an article in today’s issue. The photo shows you, Dan and the kids
eating at an outdoor café. You two are leaning close and staring into each other’s
eyes as if you’re about to throw down right there. The caption claims you’re
secret lovers and mashes that together with the porn story, which they boosted
off of People’s Right to Know. But it’s become even seamier.”
Louis let the bag slip from his shoulder to thump on the floor.
“How much seamier?” Dan said.
“Says you knew about Louis’s porn movies but hired him anyway because
he’s your lover and it suggests your production company has some secret
connection with Rainy Day Pictures. Lots of innuendo. No facts. You know how
they do it. Crissi is presented as the martyr ex-wife, fooled by the pair of you.
Great for my client, but it sucks for you.”
Dan clenched the phone and stared down at Louis’s duffel. “You said you
had a plan?” he addressed the publicist.
“I’m setting up an interview for Crissi. She can put everything in perspective
and calm everybody down. Hey, this doesn’t have to be a negative. There’s a lot
of free publicity swirling around both of you right now.”
“Any attention is good attention,” Dan said dryly. “But you and I both know
sometimes too much negative press makes the public shun anything an actor’s
connected to. We can’t let this affect Crissi’s new movie when it releases.”
“That won’t be until next year. I’m focusing on the now and thinking this
could finally bring an audience for Undisciplined. The film got totally shafted on
the festival circuit. It was a crime how they snubbed Crissi. She should’ve been
up for a Golden Globe.”
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“Okay. I get it.” Dan cut across the publicist’s rant. “You’re going to make
lemonade out of lemons. What do you want me and Louis to do? Shall we hole
up in the house until after the press conference? And how are you going to
arrange that when she’s in the middle of nowhere?”
“Don’t worry about it. That’s my job. You guys just sit tight, and I’ll call you
when I need something from you.”
The phone went silent. Dan slowly put it away.
“I’m so sorry about all this,” Louis said. “I can’t tell you how much.”
“Stop. You don’t need to apologize. Secrets have a way of coming out in this
town. It was time I stopped being ambiguous about it and came all the way out
of the closet, let everybody in the industry know the truth.”
Louis dropped down on the bed. “Will this affect your business? It’s LA. I
wouldn’t think people in the industry would care about someone being gay.”
“Not most people. You’re right, it probably won’t change anything in my
work life.” Dan walked over to the window and looked out. “Mostly I’m worried
about my parents hearing something before I have a chance to talk to them.
Should’ve done it when Crissi and I split, but I didn’t. This isn’t something I
should do over the phone. I’m going to have to drive over there. Right now.”
He turned back to Louis. “Promise me you’ll stay here with the kids? I don’t
want to come back and find you gone. Honestly, I don’t know what you were
thinking of, calling the agency and asking for a replacement.”
“I’m sorry.” God, he could do nothing right. He couldn’t extricate himself
but didn’t feel right staying here either. How had he become so hopelessly
entangled?
Dan waved a hand. “I don’t want to make you feel guilty. I just want you to
sit tight for a couple of days like Nia said. I’ll see if the cops can clear away the
paparazzi from in front of the school when it’s time for you to pick up Cara. You
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stay with the kids and keep things as normal as possible until I get back. Can you
do that for me?”
Anything. I would do anything for you. What you’re asking isn’t even a chore. It’s
exactly what I want to do.
“Sure,” Louis answered, rising from the edge of the bed.
“Thank you.” Dan stepped in close, cupped his face and gave him a quick
peck on the mouth. “It’s going to be all right.”
He left the room before Louis could even breathe again. And for the first
time all day, Louis thought maybe things would be all right after all.
Chapter Seventeen
Call first. Don’t just show up on their doorstep, idiot. The thought pestered at
Dan like a buzzing fly, but he ignored it. He didn’t pick up his phone, didn’t text,
didn’t call; he just drove.
If his mom answered and she’d seen the tabloids, he’d have to deal with her
on speakerphone during the long drive while getting increasingly frustrated.
That probably wasn’t a safe thing to inflict on other drivers. If his father
answered, whether he’d heard the news or not, he’d be his usual aggressive,
annoying self.
No. Dan would drive there and take a chance on them not being home,
which would be just his luck on this awful day.
The sun was shining. Traffic was light. Brilliant flowers bloomed along the
highway. Dan tried to focus on the normal details of life, which went on
regardless of stupid human dramas. He needed to put this in perspective. What
was the worst fallout that could occur from the tabloid headlines? Crissi’s or his
careers might be jeopardized. Not the end of the world. There were other jobs.
Their family was alive and healthy. That was all that really mattered.
Just as he was starting to breathe slower and feel calmer, his thoughts
hopscotched over to Louis, and his pulse quickened. What about Louis? Gossip
would die quicker if he was taken out of the equation. But Dan didn’t want to
cast Louis out of the family. That was the last thing he wanted. The question was
what would Crissi want? Dan couldn’t act as if his new relationship didn’t affect
her and the kids. God, it was all so complicated.
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One issue at a time, he reminded himself as he entered his parents’
neighborhood, old by California standards. Large trees shaded cool green lots
with houses set back from the street. There was his parents’ stucco wall with the
gates guarding the driveway. He gripped the wheel hard as he pulled in and
punched in the code to enter.
Grow up! he ordered himself. They’re your parents, not the Gestapo. Say what
you’ve come to say, then get the hell out.
So simple. So why hadn’t he done it before now?
“Dan, you’re here!” His mom pulled him into a strong hug as she welcomed
him in the foyer. “It’s been so long since you’ve been home. We’ve missed you so
much.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Work and the kids keep me really busy. It’s hard to find
the time to drive out here.” Great. He was already making excuses.
“I’m always willing to meet you in the city for lunch any time. And you
know I’d be happy to have the kids come spend the night whenever you and
Crissi decide they’re old enough to spend a night away from home.” Her tone
suggested she thought it was well past time for them to be allowed to stay with
Grandma.
“I’ll talk about it with Crissi, and we’ll arrange something soon,” Dan
promised. “But, Mom, there’s something I need to talk to you and Dad about.
Something important. That’s why I’m here.”
His mom frowned, a crease between her eyebrows struggling to form on the
smooth sheet of her Botoxed face. “That sounds ominous. Well, you’re already
divorced, so it can’t be that. Are you seeing someone new?” Her expression
brightened, resuming placid ease.
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“Is Dad here? I don’t want to have to say this twice.”
“Yes, you’ve caught him at home for once. I swear the man spends more
time away than he did when he was working full time. He’s on the damn golf
course for hours every day.”
She led him toward the back of the house. His dad’s office door loomed
before Dan like a portal to hell. He knew he was blowing this out of proportion,
giving his father too much power over him. He was an adult, for God’s sake,
who’d long ago begun making his own decisions and charting his own course in
life. Why was this still so very hard?
In the office, his father was sitting behind his desk, focused on the computer
screen. He looked up and smiled so fast it would take a radar gun to catch that
flicker before it disappeared. “Dan.”
Was it a statement or a welcome? Hard to tell. His dad’s face was as
inscrutable as his mother’s, although craggy and lined rather than Botoxed
beyond recognition.
“Hi, Dad.” Dan hesitated, wondering if he should hold out his hand to shake
or something. He tried to remember back to the days when things hadn’t been so
strained between them. That had been in high school when he’d been a sports
hero and they’d actually had something to talk about.
“What brings you all the way here?” Dad gestured him into one of the two
chairs facing the desk, and Dan’s mom took the other.
Dan tried to take a deep breath without being obvious about it. The last thing
he wanted was for his father to know how nervous he was. “I need to tell you
and Mom about something I should’ve told you long ago, and also about a recent
development. I don’t know if you check out the tabloids at all.”
“Never. Gossip and garbage,” Dad dismissed them with a swipe of his hand.
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“Sometimes there’s a kernel of truth.” Dan clamped his hands on the arms of
the chair so he wouldn’t fidget. He forced his voice to remain calm, cool, and
collected, all those great “C” words.
“There are a couple of headlines about me and my family—and a nanny
we’ve hired.” He paused, but there was simply no good way to say it. “This man
has a bit of a patchwork past, but he’s great with the kids, and we trust him
completely. Anyway, the media’s gotten a hold of a few facts and twisted them
out of proportion as usual.”
“You hired a male nanny?” Mom interrupted. “What sort of shady history?
Has he got a criminal record or something? What were you thinking?”
“Let the boy finish, Maeve.” His father’s eyes drilled into Dan, his waiting
silence more unnerving than Mom’s worried accusations. “Go ahead. Finish it.”
He knows what I’m going to say. He’s always known. A crystal-clear flash of
insight illuminated Dan’s mind like a searchlight. In one moment, he realized his
father hadn’t been as ignorant of Dan’s inclinations as he’d always thought.
“One of the articles suggests I’m having an affair with this man.” His
temples pounded with every heartbeat so he could hardly hear himself speak.
“It’s not wrong. Maybe you’ve already guessed why Crissi and I got divorced. I
wasn’t attracted to her, never really had been. I had to work hard enough to even
fool myself.”
Dan’s father nodded once, acknowledging the fact and not appearing
surprised.
It was his mother who jumped all over that admission. “Are you saying what
I think you are? How is that possible? You dated girls all the time back in high
school and in college. You had a wife and two children. I can’t… This can’t be
possible!”
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Dan winced at her anguished face. “Mom, this kind of thing happens a lot.
People try to suppress the truth until they can’t hold in the secret anymore.”
Her face went still. Both she and Dan knew he was talking about more than
being gay. There’d been a time when his parents were skirting the edge of
divorce and Dan believed it was because his dad had had an affair. There’d been
all sorts of secrets swirling around but no communication. Even now, he wasn’t
sure whether his parents had ever confronted the issue head-on or had swept it
under the rug and never acknowledged the truth.
“I couldn’t pretend any longer,” Dan said. “One day I finally told Crissi I’m
gay. That’s why we’re divorced.”
“Oh my God.” She covered her mouth with her hand, eyes glistening.
Dan’s father gave a disgusted click of his tongue. “Come on, Maeve. You
can’t be that shocked. I always knew something was off. How could you not
have noticed? You’re his mother, for God’s sake.” He focused on Dan. “So what
have you and this man done, and what are the damages?”
Good old Dad, to the point, all sharp edges and no soft place to land.
“I haven’t done anything. Nothing illegal, immoral, shocking or newsworthy.
I’m merely beginning a new relationship. The tabloid press decided it could be
twisted into something more interesting than it is. I just wanted to let you know
so you wouldn’t be surprised. There shouldn’t be any damage to my career, if
that’s what you mean.”
Dan managed to sound more confident than he felt. It was probably true, but
on the other hand, his business was all about the studios’ confidence that he
could get things done. Their trust in him was a fickle thing.
“What about Crissi? She’s the big-name star. How will this affect her
career?”
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“It shouldn’t,” Dan repeated. “Her publicist has her giving a press
conference to clear up any misconceptions. After that, it should be back to life as
normal.”
His father grimaced. “Was your life ever ‘normal’? I don’t think so, or this
wouldn’t have happened.”
Dan slapped his thighs and stood. “On that note, I’ve said my piece. Now I
have to get back to the city and help Crissi manage this thing.”
His mother rose too. “Wait. Just wait. We should talk more. Can I get you
something to eat? We’ll have dinner and then—”
He turned to her and took her by the arms. “Mom, I’m sorry, I can’t stay for
dinner. Let’s just let this cool down. I’ll call you soon.”
Dan could almost see her retreating into the bubble of delusion she’d created
for herself. He wouldn’t be at all surprised if she never referred to what he’d
announced again, as if it had never happened. Mom liked life to flow smooth
and easy, even if there were actually jagged rocks underneath the surface.
He glanced back and forth between these two people who had given him life
but never really understood him. They were the grandparents of his children,
and he would never shut them out of Cara’s and Liam’s lives. But he doubted
he’d ever have a connection with them. Oddly enough, he felt closer to Crissi’s
parents, who’d gotten over their initial anger at him fooling their daughter into
believing he was straight and accepted the situation for what it was. They were
caring people and the sort of grandparents he wanted his kids to spend time
with.
He let go of his mother’s arms, debated giving her a quick peck on the cheek
and opted not to. “I’ve got to go.” He half expected his father to fire some parting
shot or demand he sit back down and discuss consequences. But neither of his
parents said anything as he walked away.
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With every step he took out of their presence and closer to his car, his spirits
lifted. By the time he pulled away from the drive, he was close to ecstatic. Yes,
his announcement hadn’t been met with warmth and understanding. He hadn’t
expected it would be. But neither had he been shot by a firing squad. And at least
the truth was out there at last. No more quicksand of secrets.
Why had he waited so long to say it? Perhaps there was a stronger streak of
his mother’s avoidance mentality in him than he cared to admit. He’d lived too
much of his life that way, treading water rather than make waves by swimming
in an actual direction. But now, for better or worse, he was striking out toward a
goal and it felt damn good.
“The truth will set you free,” he muttered to himself as he turned up the
radio and sped back toward home and his own gloriously messy life.
Chapter Eighteen
Louis still felt like running. His bag was packed, and he hadn’t yet cancelled
his replacement from the agency. He could hide out somewhere until this drama
blew over. But Dan was right, Cara would be upset if some stranger picked her
up from school, and Liam would be even more upset to wake from his nap to the
face of a stranger. Louis really had no choice but to do what Dan asked and stay
put.
Why was he fighting it, anyway? It was a hopeful sign that Crissi hadn’t
immediately fired him, and Dan still seemed to want him there. Maybe, in the
long run, things could work out.
Seesawing between a weak butterfly of hope and a crushing rock of worry,
Louis called the agency and said a sub wouldn’t be necessary after all. After that,
he literally paced the floor until he decided to relieve his anxiety by swimming
laps. This could be his last time in the pool. Might as well enjoy it.
He’d only gone the length of the pool a few times when he heard Liam’s
voice on the monitor. He got the boy up and dressed him for swimming. They
hung out together on the steps in the shallow end, diving plastic dolphins
through hoops. Such a simple pleasure, it eased the tight knot in his stomach
considerably.
All too soon, it was time to drive to school to pick up Cara. The paparazzi
vultures had been cleared away from in front of the school. Likely other parents
of the elite private school had complained to the cops. Cara came running
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toward Louis with a large piece of cardboard flopping in her hand. “Got an art
project. Lookit!” She thrust the cardboard at him.
Louis studied the sun in a blue sky, a flowery meadow and fat horses with
stick legs. “Gorgeous. This would make a great backdrop for one of the scenes in
Ponies in Oz.”
“I know, right?” Cara mimicked her friend Beth’s favorite expression. She
chattered on at top volume as Louis fastened her in her car seat, then went
around to the driver’s side. Any fear Louis had that dirty gossip might have
trickled down to little ears evaporated. Not to say it wouldn’t happen eventually.
Kids might not know details but could catch a whiff of the idea that Cara’s
family had done something “bad”.
Louis wondered what Sondra and Abbie, his friends in the nanny brigade at
the park, might be saying about him right now. Even if he were to remain
employed by the Krefmans, he’d have to live with this humiliating scandal. He
winced as the newspaper image with blurred body parts popped into his mind.
When he’d worked in the adult-film industry, he’d never thought about the long-
term effect it might have on his life. He hadn’t looked beyond a steady paycheck,
nice coworkers and a pleasant enough work environment. Now here were Brad,
Antoine and himself frozen in an extremely intimate moment and it looked
cheap, nasty, dirty, wrong, all the judgmental words he hadn’t applied to their
actions at the time. Hey, at least Rainy Day Pictures would probably have a boost
in sales so somebody would benefit from this scandal.
He sighed and focused his attention on driving and responding to Cara’s
stream-of-consciousness ramble about their pony movie.
“You know, I might not be able to help you film the show,” he warned.
“Why not?”
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“Well, I might not be with your family much longer.” Best to at least give the
kid a heads-up, wasn’t it?
“Whaddya mean? Where are you going? Are you quitting? Why are you
quitting? Where are you going to go? When are you leaving? Why? Don’t you
love us?”
He should’ve known better. Kids never reacted well to what-ifs and maybes.
“Of course I love you and Liam. And I’m not sure yet if I’ll be going
anywhere. Forget I said anything.”
Hah. That was definitely a bell that couldn’t be unrung. The rest of the way
home, Cara kept fretting about the idea of Louis leaving like a dog worrying a
bone. He finally diverted her by promising to help create a beautiful Glinda
costume with wings for the white pony to wear.
“You’re really excited about putting this project together, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” Cara answered with a duh emphasis. “When I grow up, I’m gonna
make movies like Daddy does.”
Louis found it interesting that she was more into the movie-making process
than in the idea of being an actress like her mother.
“Or maybe I’ll be a cop and arrest bad guys,” she added.
“Either one of those sound like great careers,” Louis said. “And I’m sure you
can be whatever you want to be.”
He remembered his mom giving him that sort of rah-rah speech when he
was young. The years had sort of bled that hope and belief out of him, but it
wasn’t too late to pull himself together and try again. The problem was that he
had no drive to pursue any particular career. What he really wanted was to help
raise the Krefman’s children and manage their house. It might seem like a
limited dream by many peoples’ standards, as if not craving a career meant he
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had no ambition, but what could possibly be more important than making sure
children lived a happy life?
“What are those people doing?” Cara asked as Louis drove past the
paparazzi camped outside the Krefmans’ gated community. “Why do they keep
taking pictures of us?” She waved through the window.
“Don’t, Cara. Sit back, okay? Those are news people looking for a story.
Don’t pay any attention.”
“Parazzis,” Cara said knowledgably. “Mama says they used to bug her a lot,
but not so much anymore.”
“You know about paparazzi?”
“They put pictures of famous people like my mom in the newspapers.”
Once inside the gates, Cara lost interest in the subject and began telling Louis
about a fight Beth and Brianna had gotten into at school. By the time they
reached home, she’d hopscotched through four other topics.
Dan’s car was in the garage. Louis’s heart gave a little skip.
“Daddy’s home!” Cara screeched loud enough to pierce his eardrum, and
Liam chanted more quietly, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.”
While Louis helped Liam out of his car seat, Cara busted herself loose and
ran toward the house. After collecting Cara’s backpack and art project, Louis
followed Liam inside.
Dan looked up from talking to Cara and gave Louis a small smile. Louis was
dying to ask what had happened at his parents’ house, but that would have to
wait.
“Can we go to the beach today?” Cara asked.
“It’s too late in the day for the beach. We’ll just stay at home this afternoon,”
Dan said. “You can swim in the pool.”
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“Or we could work on Ponies in Oz,” Cara said. “So we get it done in time
before Mom comes home. It’ll be a surprise for her. Louis and me are doing a
movie, Daddy, and you and Liam can help.”
Apparently the film was now a family project, which was fine by Louis. All
of them helping Cara with her project would be a good way to pass time while
waiting to hear from Crissi.
“Everything go okay?” Louis asked Dan when he had a chance.
“About as good as I expected with my parents,” Dan answered shortly. “Nia
called again. She’s arranged an interview with an entertainment news blogger.
Both Crissi and I are going to video chat with the woman. Nia wants this
interview on the web and going viral. An impressive time we live in when
people don’t have to wait for their pointless celebrity news to be broadcast on
TV.”
“Nia’s right. It’s important to respond as fast as possible. Does she want me
to say anything?”
“Not right now. Maybe later. She’s coached Crissi and me about how to
respond. We’re splitting the time difference for Crissi’s sake and will be doing
the interview about eleven tonight.”
“Okay.” Louis didn’t know what else to say, but he didn’t have to come up
with anything because Cara was back and demanding their attention.
If not for the guillotine of scandal hanging over them, the afternoon and
evening would’ve been very pleasant. All of them poured their energy into
creating sets and costumes and a simple version of the Wizard of Oz for the
ponies to act out. Louis even gave Liam a task, cutting up bits of fabric, and the
boy’s voice would be featured in the movie with his rendition of Over the
Rainbow. Dan occasionally stopped to take a call, but otherwise he was one
hundred percent into the project with them.
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Cara pitched a fit when they had to break to eat dinner and an even bigger fit
when it was time to go to bed. Excitement caused her to pop back up four times
before Dan finally got firm and she stayed put. The two men collapsed in the
living room and listened to the quiet.
“Are you ready for this?” Louis asked.
“I think so. Crissi and I agreed to stick to the truth, the best way not to get
caught in a lie.”
Louis mentally reviewed the truth: He’d lied by omission to the Krefmans
and been hired under false assumptions.
Dan leaned over and touched his knee. “Don’t worry. We’re not hanging you
out to dry. We both agreed to present a united front with you as a part of our
family.”
Louis nodded, comforted and choked up by the gesture of support. But he
hadn’t talked to Crissi yet, so he wasn’t sure how she really felt. This was a bad
time for her to be a half a world away. He’d feel a lot better if he could see her
face-to-face and apologize for keeping secrets. He wouldn’t mind facing her fury
if she was angry, but not knowing what she was thinking was really hard.
“Is there anything I can do to help you prepare for the interview, or…just
anything at all? I feel so terrible about this.”
“Stop,” Dan said. “You have to stop feeling guilty. Your only mistake was
not telling us the details of your past sooner. Any photos or stupid articles were
beyond your control. The publicity isn’t your fault.”
“I guess. I just wish I’d never… When I was working for Rainy Day, I never
thought about the long term consequences. But I can’t make what I did go away.
Not ever.”
“So, accept it and move on. That’s all you can do. Honestly, I have to admit
I’m glad you didn’t tell us up front. We wouldn’t have hired you and would’ve
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missed out on the best nanny our kids could ever have.” Dan rose from his chair
and knelt before Louis. He took his hands and looked deeply into his eyes. “I
wouldn’t have gotten to know you. I don’t regret anything, and I don’t intend to
end our relationship no matter how this plays out. Fuck public opinion.”
Now tears weren’t just prickling Louis’s eyes. They were slipping down his
cheeks. He clapped a hand over his mouth to suppress a sob.
Dan laughed and pulled him into a hug. “It’s been a helluva day.”
Louis nodded against Dan’s shoulder, unable to speak. Damn, when had he
turned into such a limp washrag? Maybe about the time Dan had suddenly been
there to hold him in strong arms and not give up on him.
After a few moments, Louis pulled away, wiping his eyes. “I’m not usually a
weeper. It’s just that you and Crissi and the kids are as close to a real family as
I’ve had in a long time. The thought of leaving all of you behind is devastating.
And you and I haven’t had enough time together—not nearly enough.”
Dan moved onto the couch beside him. They faced the sliding doors
overlooking the pool. Side by side, shoulders and thighs pressed together, they
simply sat and waited and remained silent.
“So, what happened with your parents?” Louis asked after a while.
Dan shrugged. “I didn’t give details, just said to expect some media attention
centered on our family. And I finally came out to them. My dad wasn’t
surprised. My mom was ready to shove that information right back in the closet
and lock the door. That’s the way she rolls. Guess it’s been the way I roll too—
keeping messy truths locked up inside. But I’m done with that.”
Louis leaned against Dan’s shoulder, feeling the warmth and comfort
radiating from him. “I never talked to my mom about being gay before she died.
She was a very loving mother, but she was also Catholic to the core. I’m kind of
glad I never had to have that discussion with her.”
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“I don’t think my parents will cut me out of their life,” Dan said. “They have
two grandkids they’ll want to continue seeing. Anyway, it’s not as if my dad and
I could be more distant than we already are. We’re simply never going to be on
the same page. Families are complicated but you can never really escape them,
you know?”
It occurred to Louis that if he was going to remain a part of Dan’s life, he’d
probably have to meet these people at some point. Intimidating. He’d never
gotten as far as meeting somebody’s parents before. He was charting new
territory, and Dan was right, really truly being part of a family was complicated.
Dan’s phone rang, and he answered it. “Hey… Sure we can go over it again.”
Crissi, he mouthed at Louis, then stood and left the room, still talking.
Louis checked the time. It was later than he’d thought. Only another hour
before the live video chat with blogger, Emily Campbell. The interview would be
housed on Emily’s site later, but Nia told them to expect clips of it to move
quickly across the Internet as it was linked to or reposted.
Louis felt like a snowbound passenger at an airport, stuck waiting,
drumming his fingers. He went to the kitchen and wiped down spotless
counters. He folded laundry and started a new load. He straightened up the
corner of the living room taken over by Cara’s movie project, and then he
checked his watch and found only a half hour had passed.
Louis wanted to wish Dan, but felt he should stay out of the way while Crissi
and Dan prepared. He decided to get on his laptop and open Entertainment News
and Views, the site where the interview would air.
And then suddenly it was time. Emily Campbell popped up on the screen, all
perky charm and sly smiles. “Aloha, night owls. Sorry for the late hour, but one
of my guests tonight is coming from a half dozen time zones away where she’s
on location for her latest movie. If you follow my tweets, you’ll know exactly
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who I’m talking about. Crissi Jondalar has been a household name since the days
of blockbuster hits like Twenty-Four Hours Till Armageddon and The Trident Affair.
More recently, her mega-star status has slipped, and her name has dropped from
the headlines. Until today. Now Crissi’s trending again as everyone’s buzzing
about the gay-porn nanny scandal.
“Crissi and ex-husband, producer Dan Krefman, hired a nanny with a lurid
past. Well, who in Hollywood doesn’t have dirty little secrets, I ask you?”
Campbell winked at the camera and flashed a pair of deep dimples.
Suddenly, Louis’s face filled the screen, the shock of his own image making
him gasp. “Louis Alfonso Guzman, who appeared in such quality films as Rear
End Road and His Sexy Valet, was hired to tend Jondalar and Krefman’s two small
children. Did Crissi and Dan know about his past as a porn actor? Is Dan having
a secret affair with the nanny? Should any of this matter to us scandal-starved
junkies one tiny bit? Who knows? But it’s suddenly big news, and I was lucky
enough to land both Crissi and Dan as my guests tonight. Without further ado,
or adon’t, let’s go straight to the interview.”
Louis gripped the arms of the chair as if he’d reached the peak of a roller
coaster and was about to plunge down. Here we go.
Chapter Nineteen
Dan felt like an animal frozen in headlights as Emily Campbell set up the
interview with her breezy patter, then tossed out her first question. Luckily it
was for Crissi. He’d have a few more seconds to prepare himself. Video
conferencing was a daily part of his life, but this was completely different.
They’d be on air, thousands of invisible watchers weighing and judging their
words. His heart was beating too fast. He forced himself not to hunch over and
appear nervous and sipped from a glass of water as he waited.
“So, Crissi, there’s been a lot of discussion about how much you knew about
this guy and when you knew it. Have you considered suing the agency for not
researching his past more carefully, or did you know the facts when you hired
him? And what’s the scoop on the relationship between him and your ex-
husband?”
Crissi held the camera with a cool commanding gaze, not a shadow beneath
her eyes to indicate how exhausted and stressed she must be. “For the record,
Emily, I feel this subject is family business and has no place in the media. But
since it’s apparently become gossip fodder, Dan and I have decided to address
the subject plainly. We knew Louis had worked as a dancer at a local nightclub
and decided it had no bearing on his suitability as a nanny for our children.
Louis has been an affectionate and giving caretaker for Cara and Liam. Later,
after we learned the rest of Louis’s work history, our opinion on that did not
change.”
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Dan knew exactly what she was doing, putting a human face on Louis by
repeatedly using his name. She wanted people to see him as a person, not a
stereotype—The Infamous Porn-Nanny.
“Many would say that an adult-film actor could hardly be a good role model
for children,” the interviewer prodded.
“We intend to protect our children from that information about Louis. If the
media will drop the subject, it will help.”
Emily Campbell nodded, dimples in hiding as she assumed a somber
expression. “But if the kids do learn the truth, whether through gossip at school
or by catching a glimpse of their nanny on the news, what will you tell them?”
“That’s for me and Dan to figure out. It’s no one’s concern but ours…and
Louis’s.”
“Speaking of your ex-husband, what’s your reaction to allegations of an
affair between him and the nanny?”
Dan could see the play of muscles in Crissi’s jaw as she worked to maintain
her composure. She’d always hated the media’s prying into private affairs, the
dark flipside of her fame. “You’ll have to ask Dan about his relationship. It’s too
personal a subject for me to discuss.”
Dan took a breath as Crissi lobbed the ball into his court as they’d planned
earlier.
“Mr. Krefman—can I call you Dan?” Emily said. “What’s the deal with you
and the nanny?”
Dan exhaled then began, “Over the past months, our friendship grew to
something more than employer/employee. We’re still figuring it out, and that’s
really all I have to say about the subject, except to reiterate what Crissi said—
Louis is great with the kids. He’s doing the job we hired him for and doing it
well.”
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“The rumor that you were already lovers when you hired him and that your
production company has a connection to Rainy Day Pictures isn’t true?”
“That’s correct. Until this week, I’d never even heard of Rainy Day Pictures.”
Dan winced as he realized what he’d said, and Campbell jumped on it. “So it
wasn’t until the scandal broke that you learned about Guzman’s seamy past. He
didn’t tell you. It was sprung on you.”
Shit! He’d practiced answering every possible question and still managed to
slip. “I learned from Louis, not the news story, but it’s true that he worked for us
a number of months before he felt comfortable enough to share all of his past
with us. Again, it doesn’t change our opinion that Louis is a competent caregiver
for our kids. Really, Emily, this whole thing has been a case of a molehill blown
into a mountain. There’s no story here, and our family would greatly appreciate
having its privacy restored.”
Emily nodded, but Dan could almost see her disappointment at the lack of
drama. “I understand. If I may ask one last unrelated personal question, how did
you conceal the fact you were gay from your wife all these years? It must have
been a tremendous shock to Crissi when you came out.”
Really? We’re going there now? Well, he supposed she had to try to make
something interesting from this dud of an interview. Unfortunately, she wasn’t
going to get a rise out of either him or Crissi.
“It took me a long time to come out to myself, Emily. Trust me, I’ve felt a lot
of guilt over dragging Crissi into the lie along with me for years. But I don’t
regret our two beautiful children, and I don’t regret finally admitting to what I
want.”
“Still, it had to be extremely painful for a wife to learn her love life was a
sham.” Emily pushed doggedly on, clearly praying for some excitement. “And
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now to find out Dan is hooking up with the nanny. Crissi, surely you can’t be too
happy about that.”
Crissi’s blue eyes glowed as she gave a Mona Lisa smile. “I’m very pleased
that Dan has finally found someone who makes him happy. Louis is a good
person, and I wish them nothing but the best.”
If her smile was brittle and her cheeks slightly flushed from suppressed
emotion, Dan hoped he was the only one who could see it.
“So everything’s ‘happy families’ at the Jondalar/Krefman house?” Emily
concluded.
“That’s right. I really have nothing more to add, and, since I have a shoot to
get back to, I’m afraid I’m going to have to cut this interview short,” Crissi said.
“Sorry to disappoint the public.” Dan supported her. “There’s simply
nothing interesting about us. We’re a regular family, working out our childcare
arrangements and our love lives as best we can.”
This was the phrase they’d agreed to end on, but Campbell was reluctant to
let them go so easily.
“What about Louis? Is he available to interview? I’d love to hear his take on
the whole thing.”
“No. I’m afraid he’s not,” Dan said. There’d been no discussion of bringing
Louis into it. Campbell should’ve said something sooner if that’s what she
wanted. Louis wasn’t prepared and there was no way Dan was going to throw
him into the deep end. “Perhaps you can set up an interview with him for
another time.”
Her last-ditch effort shot down, Campbell brought the interview to a close.
“Well, Crissi and Dan, your answers have been illuminating. Thanks for talking
with me tonight and putting some wild rumors to bed.” She turned her attention
to her audience. “Scandal sluts, you heard it here at Entertainment News and Views
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first. The upshot is, ‘Nothing to see here, folks. Move along. And get a life, for
crissakes.’ That’s all from me, your super scandal seeker, Emily Campbell. Drop
me a line, tweet me a tweet. Let me know what you think about the Nanny Porn
Scandal. I’m all ears.” Her image winked out.
Dan exhaled, the tension draining from his muscles and leaving him a little
shaky. He collapsed back into his chair, legs sprawled, body slumped. Between
finally coming out to his parents and discussing personal family business for the
entertainment of thousands, he was emotionally drained. He didn’t really even
want to talk to Louis at the moment, just pour a stiff drink and soak in a hot tub
in silent solitude.
A movement in the doorway caught his attention, and he looked up.
Louis leaned with one shoulder against the frame, so handsome, so hot, so
adorable that Dan’s thought about wanting to be alone evaporated. This was the
man he’d done all this for, the one who was worth any trouble the media threw
at them, the one who probably needed just a little more reassurance about now.
“You saw?” Dan asked.
Louis nodded.
“Think it went well?”
“I can’t thank you and Crissi enough for sticking by me. I can’t even wrap
my head around it. No one’s ever been there for me like that. Just…thanks.”
“No problem.”
“I’m going to have to do an interview soon, aren’t I?” He pushed off the
doorway and walked toward Dan.
“I don’t think you can avoid it, but you should wait till Nia coaches you.
She’s great at her job.”
Dan swiveled his chair toward Louis, cock slowly swelling in response to the
gleam in Louis’s eyes.
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Louis braced his hands on the arms of Dan’s office chair and leaned over
him. His face was only inches away, gorgeous green eyes staring directly into
Dan’s.
“Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.” A gust of warm breath
tickled Dan’s lips. They tingled as if he’d already been kissed; then Louis bent
lower and brushed his lips over Dan’s.
Dan closed his eyes as his mouth opened and responded to the kiss. He
slipped a hand around the back of Louis’s neck, pulling him closer, dragging his
body right onto his lap. Louis’s leg pressed against his growing erection, and
Dan was suddenly as horny as a teenager. He wanted to rip off Louis’s clothes,
bend him over the desk and ram him right then and there.
“Uh, Dan?” Crissi’s voice jerked him out of a blinding haze of lust.
Dan tore his lips away from Louis’s, and Louis leaped off his lap as if he’d
been scalded. Crissi’s image was on the computer screen. She stared at Dan and
pretended she hadn’t caught him making out. “So, how do you think the
interview went?”
“Pretty good. No unexpected tangents. I think we’re in the clear,” Dan
blurted.
Louis stooped low behind Dan’s shoulder so he’d be in camera range. “Hi,
Crissi. I just wanted to say how sorry I am about putting you through all of this. I
never meant to screw things up so badly. I’m so grateful to you for sticking by
me. If I can—”
“Okay, Louis, I get it,” Crissi interrupted. “I accept your apology, but I’m not
exactly feeling warm and fuzzy about you right now. I can act for the camera as
if it doesn’t bother me, but I’m not going to lie to the two of you. I’m upset and
angry.”
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Dan’s stomach clenched at the raw emotion in her voice. Instantly, he was
taken back to that terrible night of their anniversary, and the pain on her face
when he’d told her he was gay and he was leaving her. He had hurt her once
again by keeping secrets.
“I’m sorry you found out this way,” Dan said.
“Yeah, me too,” she answered shortly. “Honestly, I don’t want to talk right
now. I’ve got to get back on set, and focus on work. This is too much to process. I
don’t want to hear any apologies from anyone, okay? Nia will stay in touch and
tell you if the viral campaign takes off. Good night.”
Her image vanished, leaving Dan feeling awful and ashamed. He hadn’t
cheated. So why did he feel as guilty as if he had? Because, he would always feel
guilty when Crissi got hurt.
“Damn.” Louis straightened and came around the chair to face Dan. “I felt
bad enough about everything and now…let’s just heap more coals on the fire by
kissing in front of her.”
“Forget it.” Dan turned off the camera and computer screen. “She’ll see us
together eventually. There’s never going to be a good time for that.”
“Yeah, but better later than tonight. Crissi refused to hang me out to dry and
basically welcomed me as part of your family. I repay her by making out with
her husband in her face.”
“Ex,” Dan reminded him. “Ex-husband. This was bound to be weird for all of
us, but that’s just how it is. We have to live with it. All of us. Even the kids, if you
and I are going to be a couple. Pretty soon we’re going to have to sit Cara down
and tell her about us.”
Louis’s eyes widened. “You’re sure? You’re ready for that?”
“I think I am. Are you?” Dan stared steadily back at him. His heart was
scrabbling in his chest like dog claws on a polished floor. He believed Louis was
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feeling the same way he was about making a commitment but didn’t know for
sure. Louis had said he was used to having short affairs, and the guy had been
packing to leave only a few hours earlier. Dan held his breath, waiting for an
answer.
“Yes! God, yes! I want to be with you, and I don’t want any more secrets
from anyone. Ever!”
Dan couldn’t hold back a smile at Louis’s exuberant reaction, but at the same
time, his overtaxed nervous system sent out a new jolt of adrenaline. Now that
he’d made the offer, he couldn’t take it back, but was he really ready for them to
come out as a couple? And how would Cara react to the news that not only was
her daddy never going to get back together with Mommy, but he’d moved on—
with a boyfriend?
Chapter Twenty
Louis woke with his face burrowed against the back of Dan’s neck. He was
sweating from the heat their entangled bodies generated, and his morning wood
was embedded firmly between Dan’s ass cheeks. He inhaled the scent of Dan’s
skin, salty and delicious, and wiggled a little just to hear his lover moan in his
sleep.
One arm was wrapped around Dan’s body, hand resting on his stomach, and
Louis slowly slid it down to grasp Dan’s morning erection, as hard and ready as
his own. He felt utterly content and more hopeful, less anxious than he’d felt in a
very long time.
Pounding at the bedroom door and the rattle of the knob, jerked him from
his happy haze. Louis dropped Dan’s cock as if it were a red-hot bar of iron and
bolted upright.
“Louis, are you there? Daddy’s gone to work. He’s not in his room.” Cara’s
loud voice was barely muffled by the door.
Dan woke and leaped from Louis’s bed, scrambling into his pants like a
fireman.
“Coming. Just a minute, Cara,” Louis called. “I’ll be out in a second. Is Liam
awake?” He glanced at the clock on the nightstand—only 6:15, far too early for
Cara to be up.
“No. I want to work on the movie some more. Liam’s too little. He gets in the
way. Daddy said he’ll show me how to edit, but now he’s gone to work. Do you
know how to edit?”
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“Um. Not really familiar with the camera.” Louis darted a glance at Dan,
who had one arm through a sleeve, rumpled hair emerging through the neck
hole of the T-shirt. “But I don’t think your dad is at work. Maybe he’s out on a
run or something. Cara, I want you to go watch cartoons for a few minutes. I’ll be
there as soon as I’m dressed.”
There was a brief pause. “You never let me watch cartoons before breakfast.
What’s the matter?”
“Nothing. I need to get dressed. Besides grown-ups don’t wake up as easily
as little girls. Just give me some time to put my morning monster suit away, and
I’ll be human again.”
A giggle followed that comment. “You’re so weird. Okay.” Footsteps
pattered away from the door.
Dan’s tousled head emerged from the T-shirt, and he smiled. “Have I
mentioned lately how wonderful you are with the kids? Come here.” He
dragged Louis to him.
Louis lit up like sunshine inside. He’d half expected Dan to withdraw, upset
at nearly being discovered by his daughter in a compromising position. Dan was
so newly out that he could easily pull back into his shell, but apparently his talk
yesterday about being ready to be truthful even with his children was for real.
“I’ll climb out your window and go around front,” Dan said after he’d kissed
Louis thoroughly. “I think Cara’s too young for me to explain about us sleeping
together. For now, I just want to talk to her about us being a couple. That’s
enough for today.”
Louis nodded. “I agree.”
One last kiss and hug and then Dan was climbing out the window, dropping
into the middle of a flower bed and crushing the greenery. Louis watched him
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walk away, his heart chanting like Sally Field, He likes me. He really likes me!,
before he went into the bathroom and got ready for the day.
In the living room, Cara’s eyes were glued to the colorful cartoon world on
the TV, where ponies were singing and dancing at some sort of town festival.
“Morning, munchkin,” Louis greeted her. “You ready to eat breakfast?”
She held up a finger, her need to return to her movie project apparently
postponed. “In a minute.”
Louis started coffee and eggs. He heard Dan return from his “run” and
exchange a few words with Cara before going off to shower. Liam came padding
out from his bedroom. Louis checked to see if he’d made it through the night
without wetting the bed and was pleased to find the sheets dry. Liam was
improving.
After putting Liam in his booster chair and giving him juice and eggs, Louis
called Cara to join them.
Breakfast was over by the time Dan reached the kitchen and accepted the cup
of coffee Louis handed him. Leaning against the counter, he blew across the
surface.
“Cara, wait a second,” Dan said as his daughter finished her toast and
started to climb down from her chair. “I want to tell you something kind of
important.”
Just like that? He wasn’t waiting around. Louis caught his breath, suddenly
nervous. Likely Cara would take the news in stride, but what if she didn’t, and
what if Crissi blew a gasket because Dan forged ahead and talked to the kids
without her being a part of it?
Cara frowned, distracted from her single-minded pursuit of her own desires
by her father’s serious tone. “What?”
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Dan sat at the table across from her and Liam. “I have something to tell you.
I’ve been waiting until you were old enough, and I think you are now.”
Cara sat straighter, puffed up at the idea that she was about to be privy to
knowledge only big girls could handle. “What is it?”
“You know that your mom and I aren’t together anymore because, while we
care about each other, we aren’t in love.”
“And it’s not my fault or Liam’s. You told me that,” Cara said. “Doesn’t
mean I have to like it,” she muttered in a voice very like her mother’s.
“There’s a reason Mommy and I aren’t in love, and it’s mostly because of
me.” Dan’s voice was calm, but Louis noticed his hands clenched into fists on the
tabletop.
Louis still leaned against the kitchen counter. He and Liam, who was happily
munching away on his toast, were extraneous to this conversation.
“See, the thing is, Kermit, although lots of men love women, some fall in love
with other men. It took me a very long time to realize I was that kind of man.”
“Gay?” Cara asked with blithe unconcern.
“Yes. You know what gay is?”
She rolled her eyes. “Of course. Beth at school has two gay dads. So does
Rachel on Glee. I’m not stupid, Daddy.” Her eyes suddenly darted toward Louis,
back to her father, and to Louis again, proving exactly how clever she was.
“Ohhh! You like Louis!”
Louis smiled at her, and Dan answered, “Yes. I do like Louis. I didn’t expect
to, but—”
“You fell in love.” Cara exhaled audibly. “You’re never going to change your
mind and move back in with Mommy again, are you?”
“No, honey, I’m afraid not.”
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She nodded. “I thought so, but I liked having you back at home. Your house
is good too, but it’s not the same. Plus all my stuff is here. I don’t always feel like
going over there.”
“I know. It’s hard.”
“Divorce sucks. That’s what Brianna says.” Cara’s gaze landed on Louis
again. “But I like Louis, so, if you have to be with somebody besides Mom, Louis
is good. Brianna says her stepmom is evil and is probably a witch in disguise. I
believe it too.”
Louis bit down on his lower lip to keep from laughing. Cara was just so
damn funny and her reaction so unexpected yet typically her.
“I think we need to film another scene with the wicked witch.” Cara changed
the subject with whiplash speed. “In Wizard of Oz, the witch doesn’t get any
songs, but I think our witch should sing Defying Gravity.”
“Good idea,” Louis said. “Remind the viewer that nobody’s all evil, right?”
Cara bounced in her seat. “We can still surprise Mommy with the movie, but
later on we’ll dub her voice in for that song. She’d like that.”
So much energy in such a little package. Louis wanted to scoop Cara out of
her chair and give her a squeeze. Instead, he wiped jam and toast crumbs from
Liam’s face and helped him out of his booster seat.
“So, you’re okay with what I’ve told you?” Dan brought the subject back to
square one.
“Yeah. Can we add the new scene now and then edit the movie?”
Dan rose and leaned to brush curls back from Cara’s forehead.
“Unfortunately, I can’t play hooky another day. I’ve got to go to my office. But
after work, I’m all yours. We’ll edit till the cows come home.”
Cara laughed. “You and Louis both say weird things. That’s probably why
you like each other.”
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And that easily, the moment Dan had dreaded was over. Cara hurried off to
prep her Wicked Witch pony for its scene, leaving Louis, Dan and Liam in the
kitchen.
Dan’s eyes shone a little with unshed tears. “My daughter is pretty damn
amazing, isn’t she?”
“When she grows up, she’s going to take this city by storm and direct the
hell out of some movies.” Louis smiled at the man he was rapidly falling in love
with. “You’re pretty amazing yourself. I know that wasn’t easy for you.”
“More terrifying than that interview last night, but I’m glad it’s out there at
last. I don’t want any more secrets in my family.” Dan picked up Liam, who was
holding up his arms, threw the boy high, then hugged him tight.
“Do you think Crissi’s going to be okay with it? She might’ve wanted you to
wait until she was here to be a part of that.” Louis couldn’t help fretting. It
seemed impossible that everything was resolved so easily. He’d never lived a life
in which there weren’t storm clouds on the horizon. Eventually something
always happened to sweep away any bit of happiness he managed to find.
Dan held Liam on one hip and with the other arm pulled Louis close. “I can
guarantee Crissi will have some choice words for us—more about the secrecy
than the relationship—but it doesn’t matter. What matters is what we feel about
each other. As far as I’m concerned, you’re in my life to stay.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Although Dan gave Louis assurances about the future, he couldn’t help
being more nervous than he let on about Crissi’s return. On the phone, they’d
agreed to present a united front for the interview, but she was still mightily
pissed and might not want Louis to continue as the kids’ nanny long term. Of
course, she couldn’t stop Dan and Louis having a relationship, but things might
not be as smooth sailing as Dan had painted them.
He kept these concerns to himself. No need to worry Louis. As the next few
days passed, he savored every one. For this brief time, they were in a little
bubble—just them and the kids. The paparazzi still hovered at the edge of their
bubble, but the initial frenzy over the Porn Nanny Scandal dissipated. Nia had
been exactly right in handling the matter. The interview soon trended all over the
Net, and Crissi and Dan came across as responsible parents and broad-minded
people. Nia said Louis should only grant an interview if the story didn’t die out
soon on its own.
“Damn, I wish I’d never done those stupid movies,” Louis said to Dan one
evening after they were alone and in bed. “I never stopped to think about the
problems they might cause me. Guess I wasn’t thinking of the future at all.”
“We all do things we regret later.” Dan tried to comfort him.
“Yeah, but some mistakes are harder to outrun. Those images of me are out
there forever.”
Dan kissed his bare shoulder. “Hot images, I bet. I wouldn’t mind seeing one
of those movies some time.”
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Louis glared over his shoulder. “Not a chance.”
Dan pulled him back against him, felt the warmth of Louis’s back against his
chest. “I won’t, then,” he said seriously. “Not ever, if it makes you
uncomfortable. I didn’t mean to make light of it.”
Louis smiled, that rakish smile Dan knew hid tender vulnerability. “That’s
okay. I can laugh about it too—someday, just not right at the moment. I was
never embarrassed while I was filming that stuff, but now I kinda want to crawl
into a hole and hide.”
Dan hugged him tight. “You can hide with me as long as you want to.”
A surge of protectiveness rushed through him. He wanted to keep Louis safe
and give him a happier home than he’d had for most of his life. As simple as
that. As pure as that. When had his initial wild attraction to Louis turned into
this warmer, softer feeling? He hadn’t expected to fall in love.
Dan pressed a series of soft kisses to Louis’s cheek, his jaw, his throat, and
soon they were tangled together among equally tangled sheets. Sweat coated
their bodies as they thrust, panting, grunting, surging together. So good, so
amazing. More, more, more, was all the thought Dan could manage as he grappled
with Louis and kissed him all over.
Afterward, they lay cuddled close despite the heat. Dan stroked Louis’s
tumbled hair out of his eyes and kissed his temple. “That was nice.”
“Nice? Really?”
“All right, intense, then. Amazing, powerful, life-altering.”
“That’s more like it.” Louis placed Dan’s hand over his thundering heart.
“I’m going to do it,” he said abruptly.
“What?”
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“An interview. I’ll text Nia and ask her to set something up with Emily
Campbell. She wasn’t too rough on you guys, so I’d as soon have her as any
other shark. The story will die down faster if I clear the air about my actions.”
Dan knew all about damage control. It was part of the entertainment
business. But he hated Louis having to expose himself to more judgment and
wished he could protect him from it.
“I think that’s a good idea,” he said. “Confront it, take away the air of secrecy
and a story loses momentum. And soon enough some celebrity will do
something stupid and steal the headlines. All this will be forgotten.”
“I’ll pray for a wardrobe malfunction or a drunken public display,” Louis
said dryly.
The following morning as Louis fed the kids, Dan readied himself for work.
He was coming down the hall from the master bedroom, straightening his tie,
when the front door opened.
“Hello? Anybody home? If not, I’ll sit in your chairs and eat your porridge.”
Crissi’s voice was followed by Cara’s earsplitting shriek. “Mommy!”
Dan’s pulse quickened. Why was he so nervous? He and Crissi had
discussed the subject on the phone, so why did it feel like seeing her in person
was going to be different, and that nothing had really been resolved yet?
He reached the front hall in time to see Cara hurl herself against her mother
and wrap her arms around her waist. Liam lifted his arms, and Crissi stooped to
pick him up.
“Oh, my baby boy. I missed you so much.” She rested a hand on Cara’s head.
“Both of you.”
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“Missed you too, and guess what? We got a huge surprise for you.” Cara
pulled at her mother’s arm. “Come on. You’ve got to see it.”
Crissi glanced down the hallway and her gaze met Dan’s. “A huge surprise?
Gee, I don’t know if I can take many more of those.”
He smiled ruefully as he moved toward her. “Welcome home. We weren’t
expecting you so soon.”
“The shoot actually wrapped ahead of schedule, if you can believe it. The
rest will be filmed on a lot so I’m home to stay. Thought I’d surprise you guys
instead of calling first. Aren’t surprises a hoot?”
Dan ignored her heavy-handed sarcasm. “Where are your bags?”
“Probably somewhere in Siberia. I have no idea. The airline promises they’re
all over the situation.”
“Any trouble with the paparazzi?” Dan asked.
“I wasn’t spotted. Guess it’s too early in the morning.”
“Mommy. Mom. Mom.” Cara continued tugging on Crissi’s hand. “You’ve
got to come see the surprise.”
“Cara,” Dan said. “Your mother just flew halfway around the world. Give
her some time to sleep.” He glanced at his watch. “I’ve got to go right now, or I’ll
be late for a meeting. We’ll have the surprise later this evening.”
Cara pouted but backed off, exhibiting some patience for once. Louis’s
influence, Dan thought. Or maybe Cara was just growing up a little.
“Are you hungry? Louis made pancakes for breakfast.” Cara was suddenly
solicitous, leading her mother toward the kitchen.
Dan hated to go. It felt like he was throwing Louis under a bus, leaving him
to face Crissi alone. During their interactions over the past few weeks, Crissi had
been polite to Louis but only discussed things related to the children. Still, there
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was no way Dan could miss this meeting between a studio head and the
maverick director of Birthright. Somebody had to broker the peace.
“Okay, then. I’ll see you all later.”
Crissi glanced at Dan over Liam’s head on her shoulder, and he was struck
by how alike their faces were. “Have a good day.”
How many times had she said that to him during their life together? How
many times had he said it to her? A sliver of melancholy stabbed through him at
the familiarity of the moment, and he felt a wave of affection for Crissi.
Sorry, he mouthed again, and she nodded, accepting the broader apology he
offered.
Chapter Twenty-Two
When Louis heard Dan’s good-bye and the door close behind him, he felt a
bit abandoned—and a bit like running for the nearest exit. Instead, he pasted on
a smile as the click of Crissi’s heels and the babble of Cara’s voice neared the
kitchen.
He looked up as they entered the room, the dishrag clenched a little too
tightly in one hand. “Hi! Good to see you home.”
It was surprisingly true. He’d both dreaded seeing Crissi again and missed
her. He stepped toward her, ready to hug, but stopped, uncertain.
Crissi dipped her head. “Good to see you too, Louis.”
Her tone was neutral. Unreadable. And then her attention was consumed by
the children, and she didn’t look his way again.
Cara dragged her mother off to show her some school papers and new toys.
Liam remained clinging like a spider monkey to his mom.
Louis finished wiping the kitchen counters then hovered, wondering if Crissi
wanted him to take the kids off her hands so she could rest, or leave her to spend
some alone time with them. At last he figured she’d let him know if she needed
him so he went to his room to change from pajama bottoms and T-shirt into
proper clothes.
He fiddled around with some stuff in his room then went to fold laundry—
there was always laundry, before finally drifting back toward the sound of voices
in Cara’s bedroom. Cara’s was a high-pitched bubbling stream, and her mother’s
flowed like a smooth undercurrent.
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Louis stood in the doorway and viewed the domestic scene—Crissi sitting on
the floor with her children curled close beside her.
“Are you tired? I can take the kids to the park for a while so you can get
some sleep,” Louis offered.
“I wouldn’t mind. I’m pretty wiped.” She rose as gracefully as she could
with the two kids clinging to her.
“Come with us, Mommy. We can go on the swings. You always like the
swings.”
“Not today, Care Bear. You go with Louis.”
“I don’t want to. I want you. After the park, it’ll be time for school. I won’t
get to see you at all.”
“When you come home from school, I’ll be here, and every day after that. I
won’t be going anywhere for a long, long time,” Crissi reassured her.
“Good! I love Daddy and Louis, but you’re my mom.” Cara glanced at him.
“No offence, Louis.”
“None taken.” He bit back a smile. The kid was hilarious when she used
expressions well beyond her years.
Cara turned back to Crissi. “Did you know Daddy likes Louis now? They’re
like Beth’s two gay dads. So does that mean I have a mom and two dads now or
what?”
Crissi’s eyebrows shot up, and Louis’s stomach dropped. Well, shit. He
should’ve expected Cara would say something like that.
“So, you know that your dad and Louis are special friends.”
Cara cocked her head. “Yeah. Did you know?”
“Not at first. But I knew your dad might start to care about someone new.”
Crissi paused. “Does that bother you, Cara? The idea of either your dad or me
dating someone?”
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“No. ’Cause it’s Louis. Not some stranger.”
Louis felt hot and flushed, and he wasn’t sure how much was from Cara’s
sweet acceptance of him and how much was nervous fear over how Crissi was
going to take this.
Cara left to gather her favorite ponies for the park outing. She’d left most of
them in the living room on the movie set.
Louis took advantage of her absence to talk to Crissi. “I’m really sorry about
this. I didn’t mean to hook up with Dan, but we just clicked. And I thought he
should wait for you to tell the kids, but he sort of blurted it out at breakfast the
other day. I hope that’s okay.”
“It’ll have to be, won’t it?” Crissi brushed her fingers through Liam’s curly
hair. “You can’t unring a bell.”
Louis started. “My mom used to say that.”
“Smart woman. Did she also say ‘look before you leap’ and ‘don’t shit where
you eat’?” Crissi took a breath. “Sorry. It was a long flight, and I’m exhausted. I
know neither you nor Dan planned this, and you seem to honestly care for each
other, but it’s kind of hard to take.”
“I understand.” Louis could hardly meet her eyes. He looked down at Liam,
who’d peeled himself away from his mother’s side to come to Louis. He held up
a picture book, and Louis knelt to look through the pages with him.
“But… I have to admit, it’s a little easier since I might have a new
relationship of my own starting.” Crissi’s quiet admission brought Louis’s head
up with a jerk.
“Really? Who?”
A smile played over her lips. “Somebody I met on the shoot. I don’t know
yet if it’s going anywhere, but it was nice.”
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“I’m so glad for you.” Louis was more than glad. He was relieved, as if Crissi
plunging back into the dating pool absolved Dan—and by extension Louis—for
doing the same. “Again, I’m really sorry for keeping secrets and for causing you
trouble.”
“I was angry that you lied to us. Withholding information is the same as
lying. But you were right. We probably wouldn’t have hired you if we’d known
about those movies.” Cara was holding Keiko and absently stroking the whale’s
plush body. “Not hiring you would’ve been a great loss for our family. You’ve
been good for the kids. And for Dan. He’s happy.” Her voice was quiet, wistful.
“So I can’t wish that things had turned out differently.”
Louis’s chest ached with emotion. He gave Liam his book back and stood up.
“Thank you, Crissi. I love these kids, and Dan. And you. I’ve missed our talks.
My biggest fear has been that you’ll hate me now. I couldn’t stand it if this
ruined our friendship.”
Crissi tossed Keiko on the bed. “I can’t say you two being together doesn’t
change things. Actually seeing Dan happy with someone else hurts, you know?”
“I never meant to—”
Crissi raised a hand, stopping him. “We can’t help who we love. Honestly,
Louis, I’m far too tired to be having this conversation right now. Can you take
the kids to the park please?”
“Sure.”
Crissi stooped to give Liam another hug and kiss, then headed down the hall
to her own bedroom. Louis took Liam’s hand and led him to the living room. He
helped Cara select only a few ponies from her collection, along with a jump rope
and a bag of snacks. Then he put Liam in his stroller and left the house.
Outside, the day was sunny and warm. Walking through the peaceful green
park, it was easier to put aside the emotional drama that had swirled so intensely
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around him over the past days. Cara and Liam found some of their friends on the
playground equipment, while Louis sat on a bench near the other nannies. He
hadn’t been there in the week since the scandal broke, so Sondra and Abbie were
immediately in his business.
“Oh. My. God. Louis! Is everything they’re saying true?” Abbie demanded.
“Are you really, like, a porn star?”
“Not a star. Just a bit player. I only did it for a while to make ends meet.”
“The Krefmans haven’t fired you yet?” Sondra said. “God, if the Petroviches
found out about some of the stuff I’ve done, I’d be out on my ass.”
Louis stared longingly at the playground, half hoping one of the kids would
need him so he’d have an excuse to leave, but both Cara and Louis were happily
playing.
“And you’re having an affair with Dan,” Sondra continued. “I knew it. You’re
so lucky. He’s hot, rich and connected. You’re set.”
He didn’t like the implication he’d hooked up with Dan to get ahead, but
that was how Sondra thought, and it wasn’t worth trying to convince her
otherwise.
Desperate to change the subject, he asked Abbie about one of her charges.
“How’s Meagan doing with her separation anxiety?”
“She’s actually less whiny when her mom’s gone. She only acts out to get her
attention. But who cares about that? Spill the deets on Handsome Dan,” Abbie
prompted. “Is Crissi really as cool with it as she seemed in the interview?”
“I really don’t want to talk about the Krefmans.” Any crumbs he dropped
today might be plastered all over the Internet by tomorrow. His gossipy new
friends weren’t that trustworthy. “I wish everybody would let this stupid story
go. It’s not that interesting.”
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“Gay-Porn Nanny? Hell yeah it is! You could dine out on this for months.
Probably get a new agent and land some good roles too. Maybe sell your story
for a TV movie or book deal. You got to strike while you’re front-page news.
That’s what I’d do.”
“I’m not you, Sondra. I just want this to blow over. I told you, I’m done with
acting. I’m actually happy doing exactly this.” He indicated the screaming,
laughing children on the playground.
Sondra glanced at the kids and grimaced. “Why? I don’t get it. I mean, there
are worse jobs we could have, but I certainly don’t plan to spend my life as a
nanny. This is just a stepping stone to bigger things.”
Louis gritted his teeth in frustration. These girls really bugged the shit out of
him sometimes. “Did you ever think that raising kids is the most important thing
a person could do? You’re shaping a human being’s life.”
Sondra snorted. “Okay, Dr. Phil.”
“Leave him alone,” Abbie said. “Can’t you see he’s seriously crushing on
Dan? Louis is in lo-ove.” She turned to Louis. “If you want to put on a frilly
apron and play 1950’s housewife, you go, girl.”
“Thank you. I will. Now can we dish dirt about somebody else for a while?
Please?”
After the kids had run off some of their energy, Louis rounded them up to
head back home for lunch. Then it was time to drop Cara off at kindergarten. He
was in no mood to return to the house and hang out while both Liam and Crissi
napped. Instead, Louis cruised the coast highway, and Liam slept in his car seat.
The sky was too blue, the weather too perfect as always. And Louis’s mood was
unsettled. Sometimes he missed his hometown like crazy. Like the song said, it
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never fucking rained in Southern California. The relentless sunshine sometimes
felt like a torturer’s spotlight, not allowing rest. At the moment, he longed for a
dreary sky and drizzle to match his worried mood.
He pulled into a gas station, filled up at the pump, then leaned against the
side of the vehicle while he dialed Nia’s number. The publicist jumped on his
offer to give an interview.
“The more open you are, the quicker the media lose interest. I’ll call you back
after I set something up.”
Louis put the phone away, his anxiety ratcheting up a notch. He’d claimed to
want to help the Krefmans by doing his part, but truthfully he feared being in the
spotlight more than he already was—obviously, because if he’d really wanted an
interview, he’d have done it days ago. It wasn’t so much that he was afraid of
telling the truth, but he’d hate it if somehow he managed to taint the Krefmans
even more than he already had. His position in their home was tenuous. If he
said the wrong thing and fucked things up even worse, he could still be cast out
of the family, and he didn’t know if he could bear that pain.
Liam was starting to shift in his car seat, so Louis got back in the SUV and
drove until the motion soothed the boy back to sleep.
Soon enough, it was time to turn around and head back to Cara’s school. She
was as bouncy as Tigger and wouldn’t stop talking about the opening night for
her movie. Louis wasn’t in the mood for that much energy but managed to keep
from snapping at her to put a lid on it.
“Later, after everybody has had some dinner,” he reminded her. “Things you
have to wait for are all the more exciting. Since this is a gala premiere, maybe we
can all dress up.”
“Yeah, and have a red carpet like on TV. I’ll wear my princess costume with
the tiara.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Walking into the house at six thirty, Dan was hit with the aroma of Indian
cuisine and a barrage of excited chatter from Cara. He wished he could have had
a private moment with Louis, but had to be satisfied with the few texts they’d
exchanged earlier in the day, notes such as Miss you and Will talk later.
Cara took his briefcase and carried it. “Hurry, Daddy. It’s time to eat, and
then we’re dressing up for my movie permiere. Louis says so. We got a red carpet
and everything. This is going to be so cool.”
One moment collided with the next, moving fast from dinner to dressing in
formalwear as Cara demanded. In the bathroom, Dan put on a tux, knotting the
bowtie as he stepped out into the hallway.
Louis was just coming down the hall from his room. He wore a vintage
sharkskin suit with velvet lapels. One of his thrift store finds no doubt. And he
looked as sleek and sexy as a runway model to Dan’s appreciative eyes.
“Very nice,” Dan murmured as Louis approached him.
Louis’s gaze raked up and down Dan’s body as if he were fantasizing
stripping off the tux. He moved close and Dan caught a whiff of the spicy scent
he wore. “Damn! I’d like to suck you off right here and now,” Louis whispered.
The erotic image of Louis falling to his knees and servicing him sent Dan’s
cock surging to attention. “Stop it!” Dan ordered, but there was no force behind
his words. He touched Louis’s smoothly shaven cheek and leaned to kiss him.
But just then Liam, wearing only his underwear, came barreling down the hall.
“No! Nooo!” he shrieked.
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Cara pelted after him, shouting, “You have to. Come on, Liam.” She
beseeched Louis. “He won’t let Mommy put on his suit. You do it.”
“I think it’s okay if he’s in PJs, Cara. Does it really matter?” Dan peeled
Liam’s arms from around his legs and lifted him up.
“Yes, it matters. This is a permiere!”
“I’ll get him dressed.” Louis held out his arms to take Liam and carried him
back down the hall to his bedroom explaining how he was going to look “just
like Daddy” in a suit.
A short time later, with Liam dressed in a too-tight suit he’d worn at a
relative’s funeral only a few months before, and Crissi in the same crystal-beaded
white dress she’d worn for a real movie premiere, the family strode across the
“red carpet” Cara had placed across the living room threshold. The Red Riding
Hood cape was part of Cara’s previous year’s Halloween costume.
“So what’s this movie thing about anyway?” Crissi leaned over and asked
Dan. “I can’t get a hint from Cara.”
“A project we’ve all been working on, but it’s mostly Cara’s vision. She says
she wants to make movies when she grows up.”
“God, I was hoping she’d become a doctor or a waitress, anything other than
the entertainment industry, but it seems we already have a budding filmmaker
on our hands.”
Dan grinned. “Wait’ll you see.”
He rose and stood in front of the TV. “Welcome, invited guests, to the
opening-night screening of a new film by talented young director, Cara Krefman.
Take a bow, Cara.”
Cara bowed, and everyone applauded. She grinned from ear to ear. “Hope
you like my movie, Mommy.”
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Dan dimmed the lights and started the DVD. The title screen, Ponies in Oz in
rainbow markers and glitter came first, followed by credits. Then the movie
began. The narration of every scene and most of the pony actors were voiced by
Cara, so the movie was basically a filmed version of Cara at play. She’d
memorized quite a lot of the script from the actual movie, but Dan had helped
her see the wisdom in paring the story down to its essence. The film could’ve
sprawled on for hours if he hadn’t.
He glanced over at Crissi, eager to see her reaction to their amazing, artistic
child. Crissi’s smile was huge, and her eyes shone. When Liam began to sing
Over the Rainbow, she wiped away tears and leaned to whisper to the little boy on
her lap.
Judicial edits helped move the plot forward at breakneck pace, and soon they
were to the point where the plot diverged from the original. Alone in her castle,
the wicked witch pony had a reflective moment about her evil deeds and burst
into a rendition of Defying Gravity, played from the soundtrack album. The scene
made no sense in the context of the plot, but everybody in the family enjoyed
singing along.
Dan glanced at Louis and met his smiling eyes. The urge to leap up, grab the
man and hug him till he couldn’t breathe was overwhelming. He still hadn’t had
a chance to find out how Louis had fared with Crissi. What had they discussed?
Dan wanted to make sure Louis felt secure both in his job and in Dan’s affections.
He wanted time alone with him to reassure him everything would be all right.
But then, as the song soared to its powerful, empowering conclusion, Louis gave
a slight nod, and Dan knew his silent message had been received. Nothing’s going
to bring us down.
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The movie ended with Dorothy Pony safely back in her stable with her
friends gathered all around. The end credits rolled, and the audience burst into
thunderous applause with whistling and foot-stomping enthusiasm.
Crissi rained kisses on both kids before surrendering them to Dan and Louis
for their congratulations.
“You did such a good job, honey. I’m really proud of you,” Dan said to Cara.
“I know, right?” She beamed and threw her arms around his neck. “Thanks
for helping, Daddy. Love you.”
“Love you too.” Dan remembered one rare occasion when his father had
praised him for how he’d played a baseball game and vowed that when Cara
was older, she’d be swamped by tons of memories of his support. He’d be the
fucking wind beneath her wings.
After Cara had finished a blow by blow description to her mother of how
they’d put the movie together, it was time for the kids to change into pajamas
and unwind before bedtime. A little story time and then they were tucked away.
Dan went to the master bedroom to finish collecting his things. He was
pushed out of the nest again, back to his bachelor pad.
Crissi came into the room and closed the door. “We haven’t really had a
chance to talk,” she said. “I wanted to let you know I don’t hold any grudges
about how this thing with Louis played out. Yeah, you should’ve told me sooner
about his background and about the affair, but I understand why you didn’t. I’m
not angry. Much.”
She smiled, and Dan smiled back. His heart ached with affection. He would
always care about Crissi and was glad she’d mostly forgiven him. “So, what
happens next?”
“I guess we go on living. Nia called me earlier this evening to tell me the
viral campaign has sparked a new interest in Undisciplined just as she predicted. I
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guess downloads of the movie and DVD sales have surged over the past week.
And there’s starting to be buzz on movie-review blogs.”
“Congratulations. Really, Crissi. You deserve it. The movie deserves the
attention.”
She nodded. “So, all’s well that ends well, as they say.” She drummed her
fingers on the top of the dresser. “One more thing. I really am happy that you’ve
found someone to care about, Dan, and… I want you to know I’ve been moving
on myself. I met someone during the shoot.”
“Really? Who?” Dan pictured Ames Bridger, Crissi’s leading man on the
film. He’d always sort of assumed the buff and beautiful actor was gay.
“A grip on the set. A lighting guy. His name is Matt.”
“Wow, that’s fantastic. I’m glad, Cici.” The nickname he hadn’t used since
the early years of their marriage came naturally to his tongue.
She blushed, wiped a bit of imaginary dust off the wood surface. “I don’t
know if there’s anything long term about it. We’ll see where it goes.”
“Doesn’t matter if it’s long term. What matters is that you’re getting back out
there.”
“Moving on has been harder than I thought it would be.” She looked at him.
“Sometimes I still really miss you.”
“Sometimes I really miss you too,” he said truthfully. Not the sex, but the
rhythm and routine of their old life had been hard to surrender.
“You should take Louis with you tonight,” Crissi said abruptly. “I’m off
work for a few days, so I won’t need his help with the kids. In fact, I’d like to
have them to myself to reconnect. And this will give you a chance to have Louis
all to yourself for a change.”
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Dan had finished zipping the case of his toiletries and stood with his hand
resting on it. He studied Crissi’s face, tired but happy. “Are you sure you don’t
need his help? You must be exhausted.”
“Billions of mothers manage without a live-in nanny. I think I’ll be fine for a
few nights.” She cocked her head, looking for a moment exactly like Cara. “You
do want him over there, don’t you? Not having second thoughts? After all, you
haven’t dated much.”
“No! I mean, yes, I do want him. I think I’m… Honestly, I know it sounds
crazy and impetuous and not me at all, but I think I’m in love.” He paused and
amended that. “I am in love with him. I don’t want to shop around. I’m not
interested in seeing who else is out there. I just want Louis.”
Crissi’s brow furrowed, and she nodded. “All right then. You should have
him. But I do wish you’d waited to talk to Cara until I was here. That’s the kind
of subject we should present to her together.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I was overeager I guess, but she took it in stride. It didn’t
seem to bother her.” He toyed with the zipper on the case, pulling it open, then
closed. “I’ve been making a lot of missteps lately. But I’ve been doing some
things right too. I finally came out to my parents.”
“About time! What’d they say?”
“What you’d expect. Dad was disgusted but didn’t seem too surprised. Mom
was already trying to pretend she hadn’t heard right.” He sighed. “We’ve got to
let Cara stay over there for a weekend. I’m not thrilled about it, but they are her
grandparents.”
“Yes they are.” Crissi smiled and shook her head. “Family. Can’t live with
’em or without ’em.”
She crossed the room, lightly grasped his arms and gave him a kiss on the
cheek. “Good-bye, Dan. See you in a few days.”
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191
He stopped her before she could step away and gave her a swift, hard hug.
“Good night, Cici. Love you.”
He walked out of the room they used to share and went to find Louis.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“There’s been a lot of gossip swirling around about your career and your
relationship with producer Dan Krefman,” Emily Campbell lowered her voice as
if she and Louis were sharing a confidential tête-à-tête over coffee. “In all the
excitement, you’ve remained silent until now. What prompted you to finally
break that silence?”
Louis remembered not to clear his throat. Nia had warned him it made
people think a person was preparing to lie.
“Well, Emily, as you can imagine, I was taken aback to have my private life
suddenly splashed all over the Internet and media. My work at Rainy Day
studios isn’t a part of my past I’m particularly proud of. I guess I’d hoped the
clamor would die down sooner if I kept a low profile, but apparently that was
the wrong tack to take so I’ve decided to open up and clear the air.”
“In the name of air clearing, what do you want to say?”
Louis remembered to smile slightly, a gentle little melancholy smile that he’d
practiced in the mirror. Nia had pointed out that being too grim would alienate
people, but neither should he come across as smirking. God, public relations was
a pain in the ass.
“I’m sorry I don’t have any juicy gossip for you Emily, but you’ve pretty
much already covered my story. I came to LA from Georgia, struggled to get by,
worked as an exotic dancer and as an actor, and then I decided I wanted to make
some changes in my life. It’s true I kept the seamier aspects of my career from the
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193
Krefmans in order to get a job, but I don’t believe my work in adult films should
color the rest of my life. Everyone has a right to start over.”
“Very true. And do you feel you’ve been given a fresh slate?” She set him up
neatly for the message he’d intended to deliver.
“Thanks to the Krefmans, yes. I’m part of a family now. And I’m with a man
who—pardon the cheesiness—completes me. I really have nothing else to say
except I hope the scandal will die now and our family will be left alone.”
Evidently, Emily thought she’d mined the Porn Nanny scandal for all it was
worth and there were more interesting stories starting to percolate. A young
starlet’s sex tape with her boyfriend and his best friend was currently the hot
topic on the net. Apparently an amateur threesome of barely legal teens trumped
Gay-Porn Nanny.
“Thanks for talking with me, Louis. I wish you all the best in your future.
Just remember to keep that hot body off camera and in your boyfriend’s bed.”
“No problem there, Emily.” Louis forced a laugh, but his smile vanished the
moment he was off camera. He took a long drink of water and wiped the
perspiration from his forehead. His T-shirt was sticking to his body, and he
peeled it off.
“Damn, I didn’t know you were that nervous,” Dan said. “You’re sweating
like a dock worker,” he paused, then added, “It’s kinda hot.”
“When did you get to be so funny?” Louis spun the office chair away from
the desk and rose. He sauntered toward Dan, intent on getting Dan’s shirt off
too—and the rest of his clothes.
“Oh no. I recognize that look.” Dan put out a hand as if to halt Louis. He
pressed his palm against Louis’s chest, but the hungry way his eyes devoured
Louis’s naked torso told a different story. “We have to get going. There’s no
time.”
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194
“I can make it quick.” Louis pressed his body against Dan’s, slid hands
around his waist and pulled their groins tight together. He kissed the protest off
Dan’s lips.
“Maybe just a—mmm.” Dan slid his hand over Louis’s chest and around his
nape. He kissed him back as if they’d come together after a long separation,
when they’d actually spent much of the past few days alone together.
Dan was right, there wasn’t time for a long, slow lovemaking session like
they’d enjoyed that morning. They had a date to meet Crissi and the kids at the
beach to watch the sun set, and then Louis would be going back to Crissi’s house
to resume his nanny duties.
Louis reached down between them and freed Dan’s cock from his jeans. He
massaged it with firm strokes as he nuzzled more kisses into the crook of Dan’s
neck. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too,” Dan gasped, thrusting into Louis’s hand. He combed his
fingers through Louis’s hair and tipped his jaw so Louis could reach more of his
throat. “Only a few days, though.”
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Another of his mom’s platitudes that was
so true. It would be hard shuttling back and forth between Crissi’s and Dan’s
houses now that all he wanted was to be with Dan every day and every night.
But maybe the weekly separation would make their coming together all the
sweeter. The knowledge that they’d soon be parting was certainly amping up the
sexual heat between them right now.
With no time to completely strip down the way he’d like, Louis dropped to
his knees and took hold of Dan’s erection. He glanced up to see the blissful
surrender in Dan’s expression as he gave his body over, putting himself into
Louis’s hands—literally.
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195
Louis licked his length with broad strokes of his tongue before taking Dan
into his mouth and sucking him deep. Dan’s groan of satisfaction inspired his
own muffled moan. He loved giving Dan blowjobs and hearing him come
undone. Louis gobbled him up, moving fast rather than making it last. But
rushed could be as sizzling hot as slow teasing.
Within a few minutes, Dan’s knees gave way, and he collapsed against the
bookcase behind him, gripping the edge and knocking several volumes to the
floor. “Yes. Oh God, yes,” he muttered.
Louis worked harder, pumping his hand and drawing Dan’s release from
him with powerful sucks. Dan cried out and gushed like a fountain. Louis
finished him off, swallowing the salty emission, then sat back and smiled up at
him. “You’re getting to be a loud one. You know you’ll have to tone it down once
the kids are back.”
Dan exhaled and pushed off of the bookcase. “I didn’t know I had it in me. I
never had such strong orgasms before.”
Louis’s smug smile grew broader. He stood and hooked a hand around
Dan’s neck, pulling him into a kiss so he could taste his own fluids on Louis’s
tongue. Then he rested his forehead against Dan’s and whispered, “You never
had me before.”
“No. But I’m so glad I have you now.” Strong arms slipped around Louis’s
body and hugged him hard. “I…I love you.”
Louis’s heart skyrocketed into his throat. It was a declaration he’d heard
from men before, but not in any serious way, more in an “I love Skittles” sort of
way. With Dan, it meant something. It meant everything.
“I, uh, love you too,” he managed to croak.
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Dan grinned, not one of his usual half-smiles but a big shit-eating grin.
“Good.” He broke away from Louis. “We’ve got to hurry. We’re going to be late
as it is.”
The sand between Louis’s toes was still warm from the sun but rapidly
cooling underneath. Broad swaths of color painted the sky above the sea. He was
mesmerized by sunsets on the beach, so much bigger and more impressive than
those glimpsed through buildings and trees. He’d been a city dweller most of his
life, and wide-open spaces kind of freaked him out, making him feel small and
inconsequential.
“Come on, Louis. Come on!” Cara yelled, grabbing his hand and forcing him
to run with her.
Or maybe not so inconsequential. He had people he mattered to now. Louis
smiled as he ran with her into the surf. It lapped around their ankles like icy
fingers, and Cara shrieked and darted back, dragging Louis with her.
They splashed along the edge of the incoming tide, avoiding sharp edges of
shells and gross slimy seaweed. The pounding of footsteps on the sand made
Louis glance behind him. Dan was bearing down on them, running like a football
player on a mission.
“Uh-oh. Sea monster’s coming,” Louis warned Cara.
She screamed again and ran faster, panting and giggling. Dan easily caught
up with them and grabbed Cara around the waist. Louis let go of her hand as
Dan scooped her up.
Louis stopped running and gasped for air as he watched Dan continue his
charge down the beach, airplaning Cara alongside him. He couldn’t stop smiling
at the sight of them. His family. His and Crissi’s. He glanced over at the beach
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197
blanket where Crissi sat cross-legged with Liam on her lap, wrapped snugly in
his favorite blankie.
She smiled at Louis, and he walked over to join them, being careful not to
kick up sand as he sat.
“How’s everything?” he asked. “Did you have a good few days with the
kids?”
“Yeah. Did you have a good few days without them?” Crissi quirked one
eyebrow. Teasing, a good sign that she’d accepted his relationship with Dan.
“It was a nice vacation, and thanks for giving us the time, but I missed them
a lot.”
“I know. Kids drive you nuts, but you miss ’em when they’re not around.”
Louis stretched out his legs and resumed sifting sand with his toes. “I’ll be
happy to stay with them some evening if you want to go out.” Of course Crissi
knew that. It’s why he was on call twenty-four seven. But he wanted her to open
up about her new relationship.
“A date? I don’t know.”
“What about this guy you met on set? Is that not happening?”
“I don’t know. I’m feeling…uncertain about it.” She glared at him. “You
want to paint each other’s nails or something? How do you manage to get me
talking when I don’t want to?”
He grinned. “It’s a gift. But seriously, I just want you to know I’m here for
you—and not just because I’m your nanny. I’m here for you.”
She smiled, the million-gigawatt smile that used to grace magazine covers
everywhere. “I know.” She held his gaze and repeated, “I know, Louis.”
Forgiven. He could feel her benediction as clearly as if she’d said it. He
smiled back.
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198
Just then, Dan and Cara came pounding over, heedless of the sand they
kicked up, which the breeze blew onto those sitting on the blanket.
“Hey, it’s almost time, Mommy,” Cara said. “Daddy says we can’t even
blink, or we might miss it.”
“Miss what?” Louis asked.
“An optical anomaly.” Dan dropped down beside him, and Cara squeezed
between them, her chilly little feet dug into Louis’s calf. “Sometimes the moment
after the sun sets you’ll see a flash of green shooting up. It’s like a mirage.”
“Cool.” Louis gazed at the orange orb, already half sunk in the water and
sending shimmers of gold across the waves.
“When you see the green flash, a fairy is born,” Cara declared.
Liam pulled his thumb from his mouth with an audible pop. “Fairy,” he
echoed. Liam loved fairies almost as much as The Wizard of Oz. He watched his
Tinkerbell’s Promise DVD over and over.
“Very cool,” Louis said as he covered Cara’s feet with one of the beach
towels.
“It’s happening,” Crissi said. “Don’t look away.”
“And don’t forget to make a wish,” Cara added. “It has to come true if you
see the green flash.”
Louis glanced at Crissi and Liam on one side of him and Cara and Dan on
the other. Dan winked at him and smiled. The cool breeze blowing in off the
ocean couldn’t touch the warm glow filling Louis’s body. He was surrounded by
his family. What more could he wish for?
“Here. We. Go,” Cara said.
And the sun disappeared.
About the Author
To learn more about Bonnie Dee go to
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http://groups.yahoo.com/group/bonniedee
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Look for these titles by Bonnie Dee
Now Available:
Finding Home
Evolving Man
Opposites Attract
Blackberry Pie
Heat Wave: print anthology
Perfecting Amanda
The Countess Takes a Lover
The Countess Lends a Hand
The Final Act
The Valentine Effect
Strangers in the Night: print anthology
Empath
Gifted: print anthology
Butterfly Unpinned
The Thief and the Desert Flower
Star Flyer
The Psychic and the Sleuth
Fugitive Heart
Fairytale Fantasies
Cinderella Unmasked
Demon Lover
Awakening Beauty
Sex and the Single Princess
Magical Ménages
Shifters’ Captive
Vampires’ Consort
Limericks, lies, and puppy-dog eyes…
Slam!
© 2013 JL Merrow
Jude Biggerstaff is all the way out and loving it—mostly. The Anglo-
Japanese university graduate is a carnivore working in a vegan café, an amateur
poet with only one man in his life. His dog, Bubbles.
Then there’s “Karate Crumpet,” a man who regularly runs past the café with
a martial arts class. Jude can only yearn from afar, until the object of his affection
rescues him from muggers. And he learns that not only does this calm,
competent hunk of muscle have a name—David—but that he’s gay.
Jude should have known the universe wouldn’t simply let love fall into
place. First, David has only one foot out of the closet. Then there’s Jude’s mother,
who lies about her age to the point Jude could be mistaken for jailbait.
With a maze of stories to keep straight, a potential stepfather in the picture,
ex-boyfriends who keep spoiling his dates with David, and a friend with a
dangerous secret, Jude is beginning to wonder if his and David’s lives will ever
start to rhyme.
Warning: Contains a tangled web of little white lies, a smorgasbord of cheesy
limericks, a violin called Vanessa, some boots that mean business, and the most adorable
little dog ever. Poetry, it’s not…
Enjoy the following excerpt for Slam!:
There were three of them, all dressed in hooded jackets, as if they thought
clichés were the best thing since sliced victims. Their hoods were pulled down
low over their faces like cowls as they stalked towards me. The monks who mug,
I thought, letting out a mortifying little hysterical giggle and desperately trying
not to panic. I sped up a bit, but they sort of milled around me, and I found
myself crowded into an alleyway.
My stomach roiled, and not just because I was crammed in next to an
overflowing plastic rubbish skip with a pungent reek.
“What you got, Chinkie?” the biggest one asked. “Let’s have it.”
I hate that. I really hate it. I mean, if you’re going to be racist, at least get your
facts right. “I’m not Chinese, I’m Anglo-Japanese. And I know martial arts,” I
added desperately.
“Go on, then—let’s see you.” They stood around, laughing at me while I
tried to remember the karate-kid pose and—crucially—what you were supposed
to do next. Get your head kicked in, probably.
“You’re just a skinny little poof,” the big one said. “Come on, hand it over.”
“What?” I clutched my violin case a little tighter.
“Everything. You can start with that—might fetch a few quid on eBay.”
Another one laughed. “It’d make a good fire.”
I stepped back in horror, wincing as the back of my head cracked against the
brick wall. Bright sparks of pain spread across my vision. “Please don’t hurt my
violin!”
This time, they all laughed and came towards me.
I’ve never learned to fight. Always relied on my height to make people think
twice about attacking me, and my long legs to get me out of any sticky situations
that might nevertheless arise. All I could think of was protecting my violin. I
hugged it close to my chest—which was apparently as good as painting a big Hit
Me sign on my stomach, because that’s what the biggest one did.
My lungs seized, and I doubled over. I managed not to fall, but only because
the wall was right behind me and the rubbish skip propped me up on one side.
My violin was easily pried from my weakened fingers as I struggled to breathe.
I thought they were going to hit me again, but there wasn’t anything I could
do about it. I curled up tight, my empty arms over my head. Oh God. I was going
to die. I wondered if Stinky Cheese Guy would cry at my funeral. Would he even
bother to turn up, the bastard?
Then a new voice rang out in the alleyway. A strong voice, booming with
masculine authority. “Oi! Leave him alone!”
I risked opening one eye. Oh. My. God. It was Karate Crumpet. He stood at
the mouth of the alley in front of a throng of gleaming white suits, bouncing on
the balls of his bare feet, fists clenched in front of him and a snarl on his face.
I managed a gasping, wheezing breath. He’d come to save me, and brought
the pyjama posse with him. I could have kissed every single one of them. Even
the ugly ones, and the hard-faced girl with the Essex face-lift up-do.
The looks on my muggers’ faces was priceless, as they went from menacing
thugs to would-be innocent bystanders in nought point three seconds. “Nuffin’
to get worked up about,” one of them said, holding up his hands. “We was just
talking, all right?”
“Conversation’s over, gents. I suggest you be on your way.” There was a
brief staring match, which Karate Crumpet won hands down—not that he ever
did put his hands down; sensible man. I wouldn’t trust those bastards as far as I
could throw them. Which was probably nowhere near as far as Karate Crumpet
could throw them. The trio did that we’re going now but we could take you easy if we
wanted to swagger out towards the main street.
“My violin!” I croaked, realising one of them still held it.
The hard-faced girl stepped forward and held out her hand, the ends of her
black belt swinging with subtle menace. The hoodie thrust the case at her
sullenly. She managed not to drop it, thank God, and cradled it lovingly as she
brought it back to me. I felt horribly guilty about judging her earlier. “Here you
go,” she said. “Are you all right?”
“F-fine,” I stuttered, hugging my violin.
Karate Crumpet came up to ask the same thing, his clear blue eyes staring
into mine from about six inches away. I wondered briefly if a manly swoon was
in order, but I didn’t want to drop my violin after they’d gone to so much trouble
to keep it safe. Then I tried to take a step forwards and realised I might not have
any choice in the matter.
His arm was around me in an instant. Warm. Solid. Supporting. Comforting.
My libido decided it’d be willing to get mugged every day of the week if this was
the outcome. My midriff, pain blossoming across it, wasn’t so sure.
“Did they hurt you?”
“M-my stomach,” I managed.
“Let’s have a look.” There was a tug on my violin case, which I resisted for a
moment before common sense reasserted itself and I let it go, back into the
capable hands of up-do girl.
And then—oh my God, Karate Crumpet was pulling up my T-shirt. I was
caught between arousal, desperate hope no one would notice my arousal and
fervent regret I hadn’t done a few more sit-ups lately. We all peered at my
middle, as if it had suddenly sprouted a TV screen like a Teletubby. There was a
reddish patch, but no obvious signs of massive internal haemorrhaging. “I’m
okay, honest,” I protested a bit more strongly now.
“Anything else?”
“Well, I hit my head…” I put my hand up to the back of my head—and
stared when it came back smeared with blood. “Oh. Ow.”
“Right, that settles it. I’m taking you to A&E.”
“I can’t!” I blurted out. “I’m meeting Keisha.”
He gave me a startled look. “You can text your girlfriend on the way.”
“She’s not…” I cursed as I remembered something more important than
setting him, as it were, straight. “She hasn’t got a phone. It broke, and she can’t
afford a new one.”
“She’ll forgive you. Come on, let’s get you looked at.”
“I could just go to the slam first…”
“No arguments. Lauren, can you take over with the class?” At the hard-faced
girl’s businesslike nod, he turned back to me. “I’ll take you. I’m parked not far
away. Right, Lauren, everyone, I’ll see you on Tuesday.”
He gave a little bow. The posse bowed back and chorused something that
sounded like “Ooss”.
“But…” I held out a hand, my fingers clutching violin-wards.
“Don’t worry. Lauren will take good care of it, and you won’t have to worry
about dropping it if you come over a bit faint, okay?”
“O-okay,” I quavered.
The posse jogged away, up-do girl carrying my violin, which added a nice
surreal touch to the already weird sight of them all bounding through the streets.
I hoped I’d get it back, but on the other hand, if I got to keep Karate Crumpet
instead, it was probably a fair trade.
Trusting a psychic flash might solve a mystery…and lead to love.
The Psychic and the Sleuth
© 2011 Bonnie Dee and Summer Devon
Inspector Robert Court should have felt a sense of justice when a rag-and-
bones man went to the gallows for murdering his cousin. Yet something has
never felt right about the investigation. Robert’s relentless quest for the truth has
annoyed his superintendent, landing him lowly assignments such as foiling a
false medium who’s fleecing the wives of the elite.
Oliver Marsh plays the confidence game of spiritualism, though his flashes
of insight often offer his clients some comfort. Despite the presence of an
attractive, if sneering, non-believer at a séance, he carries on—and experiences a
horrifying psychic episode in which he experiences a murder as the victim.
There’s only one way for Court to learn if the young, dangerously attractive
Marsh is his cousin’s killer or a real psychic: spend as much time with him as
possible. Despite his resolve to focus on his job, Marsh somehow manages to
weave a seductive spell around the inspector’s straight-laced heart.
Gradually, undeniable attraction overcomes caution. The two men are on the
case, and on each other, as they race to stop a murderer before he kills again.
Warning: Graphic language and hot male/male sex with light BDSM themes.
Despite “Descriptions of Murderous Acts” perpetrated by an unhinged killer, resist the
temptation to cover your eyes—you’ll miss the good parts!
Enjoy the following excerpt for The Psychic and the Sleuth:
Court walked with his shoulders hunched, head bent low and hands jammed
into his coat pockets as he strode toward Oliver Marsh’s flat. The afternoon mist
had turned to a steady drizzle, and he’d left his umbrella at home. He should’ve
taken a cab, but he’d decided to walk, since he was already so close to
Northhampton Square. Ironic that the scene of Lily’s murder wasn’t many streets
away.
He’d visited the site today as he had so many times before, staring at the spot
and examining every cobblestone, every brick in the surrounding buildings,
every lamppost, doorway and window frame as if the location would give him
the clue he needed to find her killer. But now, nearly a year later, the rusty stain
that marked the pool of blood beneath her body had long ago washed away.
There was no indication a murder had even taken place in that quiet back street.
Superintendent Hardy would’ve told him he was spinning his wheels in a
quagmire of mud, searching for something that wasn’t there. Inspector Childs
would’ve reminded him the killer had been found, tried and hanged, and he
should allow Lily to rest in peace. Recently Court had nearly begun to believe
them. It had been some weeks since he’d even looked into his investigative file.
But Lily wasn’t resting in peace, was she? If Marsh wasn’t a scam artist, then
Lily was rattling around inside the medium’s head and trying to send Court a
message.
Marsh. He took a moment to dwell on the man who’d turned his life upside
down in more ways than one. In addition to reigniting Court’s fire to find a
killer, Marsh had ignited other things inside him—attraction, heady lust, the
desire to touch…
Court prided himself on keeping his appetites firmly under control,
satisfying them only very occasionally and with utmost discretion. He did not
like the way Marsh sent longing racketing through him. The mere thought of
Marsh’s bowed upper lip, his soft brown waves of hair, the soothing tenor of his
voice and those damned unearthly blue eyes was enough to make his cock rise.
Court willed it to calm. Damned if he’d let this young man have such control
over him. He must be clearheaded tonight as he observed Marsh channel Lily—if
Marsh even could channel Lily. He must be wary and clever, not ensnared in a
web of lust.
Rain dripped off the brim of his bowler. A few drops landed on his nose, and
he brushed them away as he entered the door of Marsh’s building. His heart beat
faster as he climbed the narrow staircase leading to the man’s apartment. The air
was dank and musty-smelling, and it was nearly as cold and damp inside as out.
Court knocked on the door and listened to the thud of footsteps crossing the
floor. He caught his breath just before the door opened. Marsh’s fine-featured
face was as he remembered it—pretty. If he was a girl, Court would’ve described
him as winsome, for there was something inherently charming in Marsh’s
manner. His eyes and smile drew one to him.
Marsh dipped his head. “Mr. Peeler.” He held out his hands to take Court’s
dripping hat and coat.
Court glanced around the room, comparing it to the previous evening,
wanting to see if Marsh had removed anything he thought might be
incriminating. It looked the same, though perhaps slightly neater. His gaze swept
over Marsh, taking in the sharp cut of his gray coat, the muted colors of his
paisley waistcoat. He still dressed the dandy but more subdued than in
yesterday’s eye-burning checked coat.
Marsh hung his coat, then handed him a bit of toweling to dry off with. “The
afternoon is damp,” he remarked.
“The rain’s diminishing.” Court moved past him to the chair his host
indicated, the same he’d occupied last night. A small table with a lit candle on it
sat between the chair and the sofa.
“I’ll pour you a cup of tea to warm you up.” Marsh removed his jacket before
going into the small kitchen. When he returned a few moments later with the tea
tray, his shirtsleeves were rolled up to the elbow. The muscles in his forearms
flexed slightly as he set the tray down, and Court couldn’t stop watching his deft
hands as he poured them each a cup and presented one to Court.
Fragrant steam rose from the cup, bathing his icy face. He sipped the
scalding brew, then placed the cup on the edge of the table. “How do we begin?
No tricks of the trade or setting an atmosphere. If you can really commune with
the dead, show me.”
Marsh nodded and put his own cup aside. “First we must be honest with
each other. If you wish to hear from your dead relative, you must at least give me
your true name.”
“Why is that necessary? I told you, the more facts I feed you about either
myself or Lily, the more likely you’ll invent some fiction to appease me.”
If Marsh was irritated, he didn’t betray it by more than a slight tightening of
his lips. “Shall I continue to call you Robert Peeler, then?”
Court hesitated. There was still the fraud investigation to consider, but his
undercover persona was already destroyed with Marsh. He should stick with the
pseudonym, yet he suddenly found himself blurting, “Court. You may call me
Court.”
“Mr. Court.” Marsh looked at him with a small, grave smile. He inclined his
head as if accepting the name. “And I’m still Oliver Marsh. I don’t have a hidden
identity or a hidden agenda. The service I provide to my clients is real—I comfort
them about the afterlife. I reassure them. There is no harm in what I do.”
Court bit his tongue. There was plenty he could say about taking money
from grieving people for pretending to pass on messages from their departed
loved ones, but tonight he was here as a believer himself. Or mostly a believer. It
seemed apparent something otherworldly had happened at that séance. “I’m
ready to see if you are the genuine article. We should find out if you can make it
happen again.”
“I’m not sure.” Marsh blushed.
“Go on,” Court said. “You don’t know how to establish a true connection to
the dead, do you?”
Marsh ignored him. “It would be good if you had some personal possession
of the girl’s I could hold. I should’ve asked you to bring something.”
“I brought a photograph.” Court went to where his greatcoat was hung and
took the tintype from the pocket. He returned to his seat and handed it to the
medium. “My cousins, Lily and her older sister, Rose. She’s the one on the left.”
Marsh studied the photo. “Lovely girls.” He glanced up at Court. “If I forgot
to say it last night, I’m dreadfully sorry for your loss. A death in the family is
hard enough, but murder…”
“Yes. Thank you.” Court cut him short. “So, will that help? Can you begin
now?”
Marsh set the photo on the table beside the candle. He nodded at Court’s
teacup. “Could you set that on the side table, please, and then take my hands.”
Court obeyed, removing the cup and hesitating only a moment before
grasping the other man’s hands. They were warm and dry and slender in his
grip. Long fingers wrapped around the backs of his hands, palm slid over palm,
and Court fought back the tingle of excited anticipation that shot through him.
His body reacted beyond his control, imagining he was there for some other
purpose. He steadied his breathing and concentrated. “Now what?”
Marsh’s lashes shielded his eyes. “We wait,” he murmured.
Document Outline
- The Au Pair Affair
- Bonnie Dee
- Dedication
- Chapter One
- Chapter Two
- Chapter Three
- Chapter Four
- Chapter Five
- Chapter Six
- Chapter Seven
- Chapter Eight
- Chapter Nine
- Chapter Ten
- Chapter Eleven
- Chapter Twelve
- Chapter Thirteen
- Chapter Fourteen
- Chapter Fifteen
- Chapter Sixteen
- Chapter Seventeen
- Chapter Eighteen
- Chapter Nineteen
- Chapter Twenty
- Chapter Twenty-One
- Chapter Twenty-Two
- Chapter Twenty-Three
- Chapter Twenty-Four
- About the Author
- Look for these titles by Bonnie Dee
- Now Available:
- Finding Home
- Evolving Man
- Opposites Attract
- Blackberry Pie
- Heat Wave: print anthology
- Perfecting Amanda
- The Countess Takes a Lover
- The Countess Lends a Hand
- The Final Act
- The Valentine Effect
- Strangers in the Night: print anthology
- Empath
- Gifted: print anthology
- Butterfly Unpinned
- The Thief and the Desert Flower
- Star Flyer
- The Psychic and the Sleuth
- Fugitive Heart
- Fairytale Fantasies
- Cinderella Unmasked
- Demon Lover
- Awakening Beauty
- Sex and the Single Princess
- Magical Ménages
- Shifters’ Captive
- Vampires’ Consort
- Limericks, lies, and puppy-dog eyes…
- Slam!
- © 2013 JL Merrow
- Trusting a psychic flash might solve a mystery…and lead to love.
- The Psychic and the Sleuth
- © 2011 Bonnie Dee and Summer Devon
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