Remember Me by isakassees

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6356152/1/

Remember Me

I would have given anything to be able to feel closer to her and if there had ever
been a place filled with memories of her, it was here. But it wasn't the same here
without her. I'd never come here before alone and it didn't hold any magic
without her presence. Without her, it was just a tree.

The storm was going to be big, the lightning striking somewhere in the distance
and making definite contact. For a moment, it outshone the sun that slate gray
clouds tried to hide as it slipped down into the trees. I closed my eyes, hearing
her whisper in my mind.

"Make a wish."

'*' '*' '*' '*' '*'

I fell in love with Bella Swan the day after my seventh birthday. My brother
Emmett and his bullying friend Royce stole my brand new remote control racecar
and wouldn't give it back, disappearing into the woods behind our house and
laughing at me all the way. When I tried to tell my mom what they'd done, she'd
given me the universal parental hand wave and hiss that comes when a mom is
on the phone, and I decided that I'd had it.

I was done with Emmett and his friends picking on me. I was done with my mom
not listening to me and I was done with my dad always working and then coming
home and lecturing me to not tattle. So I marched up to my room and filled my
backpack with the necessities. With my comic books, Ed - my blanket, not
blankie, and my secret stash of red rope licorice packed away, I was ready to go.
I marched out of the backdoor with a slam and left, intending to never return.

I've always been a bit dramatic.

Anyway, I took off for the great unknown, ready to start over in a new place.
Somewhere exotic, without pesky older brothers and parents that were always
busy with work, somewhere like…well, actually, at the time I didn't know of any
other place besides Forks, but there had to be somewhere else better than here.

So I wound my way through trees I knew so well, because in a place like Forks,
there wasn't much unknown. There were three streetlights in town. There was
one diner and one grocery store and one certainty above all others. It was always
either about to rain, or it was raining already. In my case, the rain began as I
was crossing a field by Newton's Outfitters and I searched with stinging eyes to
find some shelter that wasn't a store that would call my parents immediately. I
found it in a large tree just at the edge of the field, although I didn't find out it
was already occupied until I threw my wet backpack down on the occupant.

"Ow!" a small voice shrieked.

"Oh! I'm sorry!" I exclaimed, rushing to pick up my bag off of the small person
already under my tree. And when I did, I was met with the prettiest girl I had
ever seen. She was shaking and cold and wet, glaring up at me with red eyes and
a trembling chin.

"Hey. Why are you crying?" I asked softly, already opening my pack to give her
Ed, even though normally I didn't let anybody touch him except my mom on
laundry day. My Oma made it for me before she died and it was the comfiest
thing I had. I was glad to find it wasn't wet as I held it out for her.

"I'm not crying," she sniffled, taking the blanket and covering herself quickly.
"Thanks."

"But you are crying," I pointed out stubbornly. She was sniffling, her eyes were
red and they were filled with tears. It was pretty obvious. Why was she lying?

"I…don't…want…to be!" she wailed, bursting into more tears, just as a lightning
bolt streaked and startled her.

I had been prepared to point out that nobody ever wanted to cry, but when she
started shaking in fright due to the storm raging around us, I sat down beside her
instead and put my arm around her awkwardly.

"So why are you sad?" I tried again, really happy when she lifted up Ed and
wrapped him around both of us.

"My mommy and my daddy are fighting again. She said she wants to move away
and they won't stop screaming. And I don't wanna move," she whimpered.

My arm around her tightened at her mention of moving. She couldn't move! She
was the first person I ever wanted to talk to that didn't make fun of me for being
too tall or too skinny or too freckly.

"I don't want you to move either," I whispered. "How come I never saw you
before? Don't you go to school?"

"Course I do," she huffed. "I'm gonna be in first grade next year. What about
you? Don't you go to school?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna be in second grade," I said proudly.

"That's why you don't know me. You probly think I'm just a baby. But I'm not,"
she huffed.

"No, no. I don't think you're a baby. I think you're really nice," I rushed out,
desperate to keep from losing my only friend.

"Really?" she whispered.

I nodded quickly, smiling at her when she turned to face me. She smiled back at
me, a huge, real smile with her front top tooth missing before she threw her arms
around me.

"I think you're nice, too," she said softly. "What's your name?"

"Edward. And please don't ever call me Eddie. My big brother does and I hate it,"
I begged.

"My long name's Isabella, but I hate it too. You have to call me Bella, okay?" she
pleaded right back.

"Edward and Bella," I said slowly, more to myself than her. "That's good best
friend names."

"We're going to be best friends forever."

I smiled so big my cheeks hurt, which made her giggle, which made me laugh,
until we were both in hysterics and all our pains were forgotten. I pulled out my
licorice and offered to share with her, an offer that she accepted with a small
smile.

"Thanks, Edward. How come you have all this stuff?" she asked innocently as she
chewed on her stick.

Looking down at the ground, I told her about my brother and my parents, and my
grand plan to leave Forks forever. When she started to cry again, I rushed to
reassure her.

"But that was before I met you! I don't want to go anywhere now!"

Mentioning leaving just made her cry harder, reminding her of her parents and
their fight. Her lips trembling, she looked at me with her wide eyes unblinking.

"If I have to move…promise you won't forget me."

Sliding my hand into hers, I stared right back at her. "Promise you'll come back."

"Promise," we said in unison, which finally got her to crack a smile.

"Jinx," we said again, which finally got her to giggle again.

Once we settled down, we sat and chewed licorice in comfortable silence and I
read her one of my Batman comic books. I even let her turn the pages and I
never let anybody touch my comic books before. The storm stopped without our
notice, until a break in the clouds revealed the sunset.

"Look! Make a wish!" she exclaimed, pointing at the horizon.

"Why? You're only supposed to do that on shooting stars and birthday candles," I
explained.

"No," she insisted stubbornly. "My Ninny told me that every sunset is a chance to
wish. 'Cause it's magic 'cause it's not day and it's not night. It's like, in between."

"Oh," I replied dumbly. "Okay."

So we closed our eyes and made our wish. She wouldn't tell me hers, so I
wouldn't tell her mine, even though she tried to pout and I tried to tickle.

"I really hope you don't have to move, Bella," I sighed.

"Me, too," she said sadly. "I don't know why they fight so much. When I grow up,
I'm never gonna get married."

"Well, my parents are married," I argued. "And they don't fight. They're best
friends."

"We're best friends! Are we gonna get married?" she asked in wonder.

"Yeah, okay," I shrugged. "We can get married."

After a moment of thought, something hit me and I cringed. "Do we have to kiss
now?"

She grimaced and shuddered. "Eww. No way. I definitely don't wanna kiss. You
wanna shake?"

I smiled and held my hand out and she shook it gladly. I kept reading to her for
awhile until I heard a sound.

"Do you hear that?" I whispered. From far away, voices were calling out and I
could have sworn I heard my name…Yeah, definitely heard my name. Bella's too.

"I think they're looking for us," she whispered back. I nodded sadly, stuffing my
comic books and candy back into my bag. When she tried to hand me back Ed, I
shook my head.

"You keep him. If you don't move, you can give him back to me next time I see
you. If you move, then give it back when you come back to visit. That way you
can think about me. Don't forget, you promised. You hafta come back."

She nodded, her eyes filling with tears as she stood up with me. "Are you gonna
be in trouble for running away?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe. But it was worth it. Are you gonna be in trouble?"

She rolled her eyes. "I don't know. I've never been in trouble before. Maybe. But
it's okay. You're my best friend and I love you. Just don't forget. You promised to
remember me."

I shook my head incredulously, pulling her into me for one more hug. "I could
never forget you, Bella. I love you, too."

Silently, I prayed once more for my wish to come true.

Please let me keep her.

Unfortunately, my wish was not granted that day. We followed the sounds of our
parents' and their friends' worried voices until we met in the middle of town, both
of us swept into our respective parents' arms. The last I saw of Bella that year
was the back of her head and Ed wrapped around her shoulders as she was
ushered into a police cruiser and driven away.

My mom and dad's relief was quickly surpassed by their anger at my
disappearance and I spent the rest of my summer grounded and pining, watching
each sunset through my window and wondering if she was doing the same,
wherever she was.

What if this storm ends?

And I don't see you

As you are now

Ever again

2.

I still got ignored on the playground and my brother still stole my ice cream
money at lunch, but I found myself caring less and less as the school year wore
on. I distracted myself with daydreams of what Bella might be doing, if she
thought about me, where she might be. A part of me hoped that wherever she
was, she had friends, that she was happy. A smaller part of me, the selfish part,
hoped that she missed me at least half as much as I missed her. I imagined what
it might be like if she visited, since I had found out from eavesdropping on my
parents' conversations over the 'poor shame about Charlie and Renee' that she
was Chief Swan's daughter. He still lived here, so she had to come back
sometime.

Right?

.

As the school year reached its end, I had to endure my parent's worried whispers
and impatient scolding as I lost myself to daydreams more and more. The
teacher had had conferences with them throughout the year, acknowledging my
perfect grades, but lamenting my lack of sociability. The day my teacher told
them succinctly that I had absolutely no friends, I saw the first glimpse of
genuine concern from my parents toward me.

But when I promptly informed them that I, as a matter of fact, had a best friend
and I was only waiting for her to come back, my mother cocked her head at me
as if to simply ask…Who?

"Bella. She's gonna come back and visit me. I wish I knew when," I sighed,
gazing out the window longingly, always studying the planes that flew overhead
closely, hoping each one might be carrying her.

And then my mom, for the first time in a long time, really, truly smiled at me.
She stood up, thanked the teacher for her time and then took me to my piano
lesson. There were no more conferences for the rest of the year.

My mom started sitting in on my practice sessions and my dad started teaching
me how to play catch. Emmett was still a jerk, but I was starting to think maybe
he was just born that way. Like, possibly missing a chromosome or three. Either
way, he didn't bother me the way he used to.

That is to say, he didn't bother me as much, until my eighth birthday came and
he tripped me as I walked to the dining room table. I missed the cake, but just
barely, and went face first into the corner of the table, snapping my glasses in
two. My mom had to put some ugly tape in the middle to keep them together,
but it was worth it since I got to listen to my dad yell at Emmett while she fixed
them. He didn't get any cake. And I saved a piece for Bella, just in case.

The day after my birthday, I jerked up in bed, sweating. I'd had a dream, or
more appropriately, a nightmare.

She didn't come, so I went to find her. And when I did, she didn't remember me.
When I reminded her, she treated me like all the rest of them.

Defeated, I buried myself under the covers again.

.

Later that morning, or possibly early into the afternoon, I was brought out of my
restless haze by a knock at the door.

"What?" I snapped. If Emmett tried to pick on me today, I'd punch him right in
the nose. There was some shuffling and some whispers in the hall, but no one
responded. Irritated, I jumped out of bed and flung my door open, ready to
shout.

"Bella?" I asked, too in shock to care that I was standing there in only my
Batman pajamas.

She smiled shyly and I noticed immediately that she had five new freckles on her
cheeks and had four more grown up teeth.

"Hi, Edward."

And completely unlike my dream, she walked into my arms for a hug and, for the
first time in a year, I felt like I could finally breathe.

"You remembered me," her small voice mumbled into the Batman logo on my
chest.

"You came back," I returned, looking over her head to my mother, who was
standing in the hallway with a big smile and a camera.

'Thanks, Mom,' I mouthed. She nodded once before turning to leave us alone.
Pulling back from Bella slightly, the grin wouldn't leave my face. Her face
reflected pretty much the same, but she didn't look goofy like I did when she
grinned. She just looked beautiful. After a while, she stepped fully away from me,
and for a brief second my dream came back to me.

"Edward? Do you wanna put on clothes so we can play? I get to stay all day," she
said sweetly, her cheeks bright pink as soon as the word 'clothes' left her mouth.

I felt my ears burn as I nodded bashfully, excusing myself to my bathroom for
the quickest dressing experience of my life. Catching a glimpse of myself in the
mirror, I tried not to think about what Bella thought about my glasses. They were
bad enough on a normal day, but the white tape in the middle made me look just
like the geek everybody thought I was. Swallowing thickly, I opened the door and
walked back into the room, but I kept my face tilted down, hoping maybe she
wouldn't notice.

She was waiting patiently for me, seated at my desk and trying desperately to
not look like she was looking at my music.

"I started playing piano this year," I offered, trying to show her that anything and
everything in here was available to her if she wanted it.

"Really?" she asked, her eyes lighting up with excitement. "That's so cool,
Edward. My mom made me take ballet this year. I suck."

"I bet you don't," I argued. I couldn't see her being bad at anything.

Raising her eyebrows, she pointed down at her legs and I noticed the varying
shades of yellow and green splotched over them.

"Seriously. I suck," she said firmly. "Can I hear you play?"

I grinned and nodded, taking her by the hand to lead her downstairs to my piano.
She darted her eyes between my face and my hands the whole time I played, her
face a mix of awe and…pride?

"Wow," she breathed once I finished. "You're super great at that."

"Thanks," I mumbled. I didn't admit to her that I practiced that song for two
months so I could play it perfectly, just in case I got the chance to play it for her.
I opened my mouth to ask if she was hungry when I heard the backdoor slam
and Emmett's voice carry through the house.

"Crap!" I whispered, stricken. I couldn't let him find us. If he just picked on me, I
wouldn't care, but if he picked on Bella… "C'mon!"

Grabbing her hand, I took us quickly out the front door, barely giving her enough
time to pick up the purple backpack I was unaware she had brought with her. We
ran all the way down my driveway until the house was barely in sight before
stopping.

Panting, Bella wrenched her hand out of mine. "Why'd we have to run?"

"Emmett," I gasped out.

She glared at the house as she caught her breath until she recovered. "So what
now?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I dunno. This sucks. I was hungry."

She lifted her backpack up with a grin. "I brought my favorite this time."

Walking up to her, I shyly took her hand in mine again to lead us through the
trees until we reached our special tree. She recognized it immediately, her whole
face lighting up as she found her spot and sat down. Opening up her pack, I
grinned as I saw Ed and a couple of sandwiches. She handed me one before
lifting up a big bag of gummy bears.

"My dad said we can't eat 'em until we eat our sandwiches and I crossed my
heart so we have to listen, okay?" she asked sweetly.

I nodded happily, eating quickly and thanking her with my eyes when she handed
me a juice box without me even having to ask. After we ate, she grabbed Ed and
covered us even though it wasn't really cold or wet. Resuming my position from
last year, I wrapped an arm around her.

"So tell me about what you did this year."

And she did. I found out that her mom had moved the two of them to New York
and Bella hated it. She said that their first grade class was like repeating
kindergarten and she was supposed to take some test so she could skip ahead to
third grade next year. I found out that her mom had already gotten tired of the
big city and was moving them again to California. She surprised me by not crying
about this move, because she said she was actually happy to be leaving New
York.

"But you hate moving," I pointed out.

She shook her head. "I saw a map. It's the same ocean in California as here. Do
you think if I sent you a message in a bottle you would get it?"

It was like a light bulb went off above my head. "I don't know. But what if we
sent real letters?"

She looked surprised, but happy. "I never sent a letter before. I never got one,
either."

"Me, too. But we could now," I pressed, kicking myself for not thinking of this last
year.

"That'll be great," she grinned, before ducking her head down shyly. "I'm glad I'll
have at least one friend."

Poking her tummy to get her to look at me, I smiled at her. "I hope you make
lots of new friends when you move. But you'll always have me. Best friends
forever, remember?"

She nodded happily before resting her head on my shoulder. "Tell me about your
year, Edward."

So I did. She already knew about piano lessons and the obvious addition of my
glasses, but I admitted that she was my only friend too, which for some reason
was hard for her to believe. When I told her about what Emmett did on my
birthday, explaining my glasses, I had to restrain her from rushing off to go kick
him. She almost started crying when I admitted I worried if she would remember
me if she ever came back, but I got her to smile again when I crossed my eyes
and blew a raspberry on her cheek.

At some point in the day, she dug out her Lisa Frank notebook and pencil and
copied my address with promises to write me as soon as she got moved. We ate
her entire bag of gummy bears, even though it made our tummies hurt. It turned
out my mom had called her dad to find out when she was visiting and arranged
for her to come over today, but we didn't know if we'd see each other again
before she left. She'd actually gotten here yesterday, but her dad wanted the day
with her first. And she was only here for two weeks and he was making her go
camping and fishing in the woods. I didn't know what to say to help her feel
better about that. Camping and fishing sounded awful. No TV!

Clouds started rolling in as the day went on, but not so bad that we couldn't see
the sun start to set. We started to pack up and I refused Ed when she offered him
to me. The way she hugged him made me feel happy and I knew she'd take good
care of him. The only way she'd accept him, though, was to give me the rubber
band around her wrist. That was pretty cool. It was blue and fit me just right.

Right before the sun disappeared beyond the horizon, she turned to me and
smiled. Together, we closed our eyes and made our wishes silently.

Please don't let her forget me in California.

That wish, at least, would be granted in time.

Watch the sea

Creep 'round the corner

It connects the dots

From here to you

3.

When the first letter finally came in September, for the rest of my third grade
year, time didn't pass with the acknowledgment of holidays or school programs. I
was running on a fourteen day cycle. I would check the mailbox every day, just in
case. If I got one, I would read it immediately and respond, sending the letter out
the next day. Seven days for her to receive it, seven days for her reply to arrive.

Sometimes we talked about school, because she had passed her test and was in
the same grade as me now. We commiserated over the evils of P.E., especially
dodge ball. Her school was way different than mine. She had to wear a name
badge and her classes were so big that her teachers never remembered to call
her Bella. She told me about the San Francisco sunshine and beaches, and she
even sent me a sand dollar. I had to superglue it back together, but it was
awesome. I mailed her a pressed leaf from the trees here and drew her pictures
of the rainy forests.

I found out that her mother had a new boyfriend and Bella hated him. He always
rubbed her hair the wrong way and called her 'sport.' At her request, I didn't send
her anything for Christmas, because she said that they didn't have enough
money for presents. That made me sad enough that I almost wanted to send her
something anyway, just so she'd have something. But I didn't want her to get
mad at me, so I saved the new journal I'd already bought for her with my
allowance to give to her the next time she came home.

The letters reminded me of my music, starting out with a bang of excitement,
slowly growing sadder and more longing as the diminuendo of the year wore on.
As we approached summer, though, they took on a new wave of fresh life,
building in a crescendo until the day finally came. Despite all my begging and
pleading, my parents refused to let me meet her at the airport, saying her father
needed a day with his daughter, blah, blah, blah…

But they promised. She would be here, tomorrow, the day after my ninth
birthday.

.

"She's here!" I shouted from my bedroom, as I had been staring out my window
since I woke up that morning, waiting for Chief Swan to pull up in his cruiser. I
pounded down the stairs and flew out to the driveway, sweeping her up into a
huge hug as soon as she was out of the car.

She giggled as I swung her around, while her dad climbed out and walked over to
my parents on the porch. My mom had her camera, just like last year, but I was
too interested in Bella to listen to whatever grownup stuff they were yapping
about.

"I think you got shorter, Bella," I grinned as I set her down.

She narrowed her eyes at me, but she was still smiling too. "No, you just got
taller, Eddie."

I scowled at her, surrendering. "Fine. I won't make fun of you for shrinking if you
don't call me…that."

"Deal," she grinned, reaching over to snap my rubber band against my wrist. I
yelped, shaking my hand out while I plotted my revenge. Her smile fell as she
saw the calculating look in my eye and she tried to run away, but I was faster. I
threw her onto my back for a piggyback ride and strode past our gaping parents
up to my room. This time, I packed the bag for our trip.

"What are we gonna do today, Edward?" she smiled as she bounced a little on my
bed.

I pushed my glasses nervously up my nose, my smile faltering as I realized she
might be expecting something more exciting than just hanging out at our tree.

"What's wrong?" she asked immediately.

"N-nothing," I stammered. "I just…I just thought we'd talk and stuff…at our
tree…but if you wanna do something else, we can. We can do whatever you want,
Bella. My mom can take us to the park or we co-"

"Why are you being weird?" she accused, standing from my bed and advancing
on me.

Sighing, I plopped down in my desk chair. "I don't know. I guess I'm nervous
because I don't want you to have a bad time and stuff. But all I did was pack my
bag so we could go hang out. I don't want you to think I'm boring or dumb."

She scowled deeply. "You're making me mad. Quit being ridiculous. You're my
Edward and I'm your Bella and we're best friends always. All I wanted to know
was if you were gonna play piano for me again. Of course we're gonna go to our
tree. Now c'mon."

That was the end of that. It was made perfectly clear that day to me that there
was no room for insecurities in our friendship, nor was there a reason. I liked her
just as she was and she liked me just the same. So I played her the newest song
I learned and she loved it until I told her it was called 'Clowns.' Bella liked me,
but she didn't like clowns.

After that we left for our tree, walking slowly so Bella didn't trip on roots or holes
in the ground or…air. She didn't have very good balance. Why her mom tried to
make her take surfing lessons in California I didn't know. Especially since she
doesn't like the ocean either.

"How can you not like the ocean?" I wondered aloud.

"Sharks, killer whales, stingrays and giant waves, Edward. Plus, do you know how
many people pee in there?"

I had no argument against that kind of logic. We sat down in our spots at the tree
as a light rain began to fall.

"I miss the rain. It doesn't rain like this in San Francisco," she sighed wistfully as
she watched clouds roll above us.

I smiled sadly as I brought her Christmas present out of my backpack.

"What's that?" she asked suspiciously.

"Um…it's for you," I said lamely, thrusting it toward her. She frowned but took it
anyway, opening it slowly. It was a mostly plain journal, but it had a really cool
picture of a tree that looked a lot like ours. When her lips started to tremble, I
panicked.

"I'm sorry! I know I wasn't supposed to, but I already had it when you said we
couldn't do presents! You don't have to take it. We can throw it away or you can
take it back and get something else. C'mon, Bella, please don't cry," I begged.

That didn't work. She just started full-on crying and trying to talk at the same
time, and she's completely incoherent when that happens.

"Bu-I-don-wan-it'so-ni-i-i-ce-bu-I-can-I-don-have-I-I-I," she blubbered. It was a
good thing I packed napkins for our lunch. I pushed a few into her hands,
because I loved her, but I really didn't want to have to touch her snot. She wiped
her face, crying the whole time, so I tried the old standby.

Wrapping my arms around her, I just held her while I waited for her to calm
down and told her about how Emmett started playing catch with me and my dad.
She had to quiet down to hear me tell her the story about us trying out for the
baseball team, even though I didn't make it.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Nah," I shrugged. "If I was on the team, I'd have to be at practice today like
Emmett and I wouldn't get to see you. You're way better than baseball."

She giggled, wiping her face again. "No. I meant, sorry for crying. I really like my
present, Edward. I just feel bad because I don't have anything for you, 'cause…"

"But I didn't get it for you 'cause I wanted a present, Bella," I interrupted. "I just
wanted to give it to you. It makes me happy when you're happy."

"How come you don't think I'm gross, Edward?" she asked suddenly. At my lack
of response, she continued. "All the boys at my school think girls are gross. The
only time they talk to them are if they're being mean. But you're always so nice
to me."

"Uh…I dunno. I guess I never thought about it. I guess you're not a girl to me.
You're just…my Bella. Do you think I'm gross?" I asked, already knowing she
didn't.

"No," she snorted. "You're just…my Edward. I missed you so much this year."

Tightening my arms around her as she wrapped hers around me, I whispered into
her hair. "I missed you, too."

Things were lighter after that, the rest of the day spent eating sandwiches and
snacks, more tales of the school year told. She tried to steal my last licorice, so I
chased her in the rain until she slipped in a puddle. I laughed at her, so she dared
me to climb our tree as high as I could go.

The day passed too quickly and before I knew it, she was shivering and curled up
against me as we waited for the sun to set.

"I think this year I'm gonna get a calendar to mark when I get to come back,"
she whispered.

"Me, too. Good idea," I said quietly.

She watched the sun move slowly down the sky until it was time.

"You ready to make your wish?"

I swallowed hard and nodded.

Please let her stay.

No such luck. I might not be doing this right.

What if this storm ends?

And leaves us nothing

Except a memory

A distant echo

4.

Fourth grade started out okay. Somewhere along the way, Emmett decided that
nobody was allowed to pick on me but him, so my days passed by rather
peacefully. In the evenings, he helped me with my baseball pitch and I helped
him with his math, even though he was a grade ahead. He even told me it was a
good thing I was a geek. It was a compliment, coming from him.

All of that came to a crashing halt in the middle of November. It had been
fourteen days since Bella's last letter, so I was expecting her next one any day.
What I got, though, was my own letter with Return to Sender stamped across the
front in cruel, red ink. Upset and confused, I tore it open and pulled out my
letter, readdressing a new envelope immediately and checking it twice, satisfied
that it seemed to be done correctly. As a matter of fact, it looked the exact same
as the first one, but I was sure it was just a mistake with the post office. It had to
be.

Fourteen days later, another Return to Sender. I thundered through the house
and begged my mom to explain. Concerned, she looked it over and told me
perhaps it was a mistake and I should try again. Tearfully, I informed her I had
already done that. At a loss, she shrugged her shoulders and then had to run to
answer the phone.

From that point on, I just went through the motions. I went to school, came
home, did my homework and then sat in my room. If Emmett hounded me
enough, I'd practice with him in the backyard, but I didn't enjoy it. I picked out
dark Beethoven and Grieg pieces to learn in my piano lessons, frustrated and
wanting an outlet for my black moods.

I alternated between confusion, anger, fear and sadness. It didn't make sense
that Bella would just send my letters back. Even if she made new friends and
didn't want to talk to me anymore, I knew she was a nice enough person to at
least tell me that. She wouldn't just send it back. But why wouldn't she just write
me? What was the holdup? And I found myself angry at her. I was angry that she
was making me worry. Because the only way I could imagine that Bella wouldn't
write to me would be if something was wrong. And if there was something wrong
with my best friend, I wanted to help. But I couldn't, because I was a kid and I
was here and I didn't even know what was wrong.

It felt like I'd lost the other half of me. Her friendship and caring had built me up
in such a way that I felt like nothing more than a shell without her. She knew
everything about me. She knew I was really scared of snakes and worms; she

knew I wanted to be a racecar driver when I grew up, or maybe a doctor. I was
still undecided.

My parents knew something was wrong. I heard them arguing sometimes,
because my dad thought I shouldn't be friends with Bella if I was going to get this
upset over her. My mom argued that something must be really wrong, because at
my begging request, she tried to call Bella's dad and ask him about it, but he
hadn't heard from her since Christmas. I didn't understand how he could go so
long without talking to her. It had been almost two months now since her last
letter and I felt like I was about to go insane.

Trudging inside the house on a Tuesday, or maybe a Thursday, I wasn't sure as
the days all seemed to blend together at that point; I was about to head upstairs
to my room to do my homework when my mom stopped me. Before I could ask
her what she wanted, I saw it. She had a huge smile on her face and a letter in
her hand. I barely managed to squeak out a thank you and a huge smacking kiss
on her cheek before I was pounding up the stairs.

Throwing myself on my bed, I tore the envelope open and began to read.

Dear Edward

I am so sorry! Please don't be mad at me! I don't even know if your going to read
this or if your to mad at me, but I'm so sorry. I came home from school in
November and my mom was packing all of our stuff up. Her and Alec broke up
and she was crying and said we had to move because we had to get away from
California. She's been so sad ever since. I don't know what happened but I'm
glad. He was really annoying. But I feel bad because now my mom is so sad. I
hope that doesn't mean that I'm mean. He said dude to much!

It took a while to get all of our stuff packed up and loaded into a truck. Some of it
was really heavy. We drove all of our stuff to Phoenix and thats where I live now.
Thats in Arizona. That took a while to. Its really different from New York and
California and Forks. Its really dry and sunny every day it never rains. Its to hot
here. Theres real cactuses everywhere. I don't think I can mail that though. It
took me a long time to unpack all my stuff but I didn't have any stamps and my
mom hasn't been able to do much around here. We used a cactus for a Christmas
tree. I know its weird. I learned how to cook! I still like just poptarts for breakfast
and my sandwiches for lunch but I make us dinner every night. I'm getting pretty
good. Maybe I can cook for you next time I come home.

It was a big mess to start school in the middle of the year and I had to do a lot of
catch up because I stayed home with my mom for a long time to help her feel
better. But when my mom was trying to fix the bills because the lights stopped
working I was able to get a stamp. I'm going to help her pay them since I do
really good in math. I just need her to remember to by more stamps.

I miss you so much Edward! It feels even more farrer away from you here in
Phoenix because theres no water anywhere. Please don't be mad at me please.
Your my only friend. I know you might be mad at me now but I love you always.

I hope you write me back.

Bella

The blurred marks where she had cried over the letter mixed with smudges
formed by my own tears falling on her words. I read it through three times before
running downstairs and begging my mom for an extra book of stamps to send

back to her. I barely saw her nod before I was racing up the stairs again to write
her back.

Dear Bella

I'm not mad at you! I promise. I was so worried about you. I even made my
mom call your dad to find out what was wrong but he didn't know. I was afraid
maybe you didn't like me anymore but I kept writing you letters and they kept
getting sent back.

So Phoenix? I think I'm going to get a map to keep track of all the cities you've
lived in. When we grow up I want to travel with you. Where should we go? I still
have my calendar and I mark the xes every day.

I miss you so much too. Even if you were really mad at me I wouldn't stop
writing you. I'd just bug you until you talk to me again. We'll always be friends no
matter what. But I hope your mom doesn't make you move again.

Do you like it there? Have you made any new friends yet? Guess what? Emmett is
nice to me now. Most of the time. He doesn't beat me up anymore but he still
calls me a geek. That's okay I guess since I am a geek. But he doesn't let the
other kids pick on me. He got even more taller this summer so now nobody
messes with him but they never really did anyway.

That's crazy that you can cook! I can only make sandwiches and I don't think my
mom would let me cook dinner. Maybe she could teach me so we can cook
together.

I'm so glad your okay. I was so worried. Don't scare me like that again okay?

I love you and were always going to be best friends no matter where you live.

Bye

Edward

P.S. I'm sending you some stamps so you can write me back right away.

I sealed it and placed it in the mailbox right away. I didn't even care about my
tenth birthday. June twenty-first couldn't get here fast enough.

.

"You're heeeeeeeeeere!" I laughed as I swung her in circles. She was half-
laughing from the swinging and half-laughing from where my hands were on her,
because Bella was really ticklish. She was smiling and laughing too, but she
looked tired. I set her down carefully while her dad watched us. Tucking her hair
back from where it had flown in her face, I smiled a little more. "I missed you,
Bella."

She exhaled heavily, her shoulders relaxing. "It's good to be home, Edward."

We didn't waste a lot of time at the house that day, not even bothering with the
piano. She brought her backpack, the same purple one from two years before,
though it was a little faded. We waved goodbye at our parents on the porch and
marched off for our tree, no words good enough to betray the comfortable silence
between us while we walked. For the first time in a year, my best friend was here
with me, holding my hand and for now, that was all I needed.

We took our time so Bella could marvel at the slight changes to the landscape,
like the tree in front of Newton's store that was split by lightning a few storms
ago. We stopped every so often to let her pick up random stones and leaves for
her collection. It didn't matter to me if we wandered around all day. She was here
and she was happy. When we finally reached our destination, she plopped down
in her spot straight away.

"Okay. I'm so glad we got here 'cause my bag was so heavy," she laughed, and I
immediately felt bad for not offering to carry it for her. That was part of
Gentleman One-oh-one, my mother said. I made a mental note to make sure I
always did from now on.

Bella always knew when I was thinking hard and she also always seemed to know
if I was thinking something bad about myself or just thinking. Apparently
worrying about being a proper gentleman passed her inner test, because she
continued speaking after watching me for a moment.

"I have a bunch of surprises, Edward. Close your eyes."

I obeyed, waiting impatiently. I expected candy or Ed or a book to read, but I
got…

"A box?" I wondered, blinking at the package in my hands. "How did that fit in
your backpack?"

"Very carefully," she retorted. "Just open it."

So I did. It was impossible to miss the shyness in Bella's face, the way her cheeks
got pink when she was worried. She was so ridiculous. She could have brought
me sand from Arizona and I would have loved it. Shaking my head, I pulled out
the first item. Painfully.

"Ow!" I exclaimed, my pain forgotten as I focused on the flowered cactus that
stuck me. "Bella. I'm a boy. This is pink."

"But it's pretty!" she argued. "And it lives a long time. I dug it out of my own
backyard."

"Really?"

She lifted up her hands to show me the cuts from her excavation.

"Really."

Smiling, I pulled out the next bit. It was a roll of papers inside a rubber band like
the one of my wrist. I waved them at her in question and she shrugged bashfully.

"It's the letters I wrote to you when I couldn't send them. It was a long two
months," she said quietly.

"It was," I agreed, swallowing hard. I recognized the look on her face and knew
she was about to start crying. Shaking my head at her gently, I wrapped my arm
around her silently while she wrapped us up in Ed. "I'll always be here, Bella."

She sniffled, burrowing into my shoulder. "I'll always need you."

Me, too.

Sunset.

Wish.

Please let her be happy.

Nothing.

I hate sunsets.

Why don't you rest

Your fragile bones

A minute ago

You looked alone

5.

Fifth grade was…different. Emmett had moved on to middle school, so for the first
time since I started school, he wasn't there to pick on me. He also wasn't there to
defend me against the others either, but it seemed the memory of him was
enough to keep people away for the most part. He and I still practiced pitching
and batting every night with my dad, and I was getting pretty good.

It was amazing how much happier I was when I knew Bella was safe and happy.
Things were going really good in Phoenix, so it seemed I had been a little
premature with my cursing of sunsets. They were back on my good list now. I
was usually playing outside when they happened and I always stopped for a
second to watch the sun disappear. If I could. Emmett loved to try and catch me
unaware when we were in the middle of a practice. Oaf.

School flew by and I tried out for the baseball team again. This time, I made it.
Emmett warned me not to let the team down, my mom made me pose for
pictures in my uniform, my dad clapped me on the shoulder a little too hard, but
Bella…Bella gushed for three pages about how excited she was for me. She went
on and on about all the friends I'd make, how she knew we'd win every game, if
we did lose it would be because the other team was cheaters, and how much she
wished she could watch me play.

Her life was pretty peaceful in Phoenix. Her mom decided to start taking some
kind of meditation classes and had 'sworn off men.' I asked Bella what that
meant, but she didn't know either. She said as far as she could tell, it just meant
that her mom did yoga all over the house and didn't cry over guys anymore. She
and her mom had taken a pottery class together and Bella loved it. Since all she
had to do was sit, there wasn't much chance of her getting bruised or breaking a
limb. She just had to steer clear of everything after it was baked. But she was
bringing me something in June and I couldn't wait. I just hoped it wasn't
something pink again.

Baseball was awesome. I got some funny looks from some of the other guys on
the team, but they never said anything because Emmett was right there.
Between practice, piano lessons and games, before I knew it I was blowing out
eleven candles on my birthday cake. And a piece saved for Bella to have after she
watched my game tomorrow.

.

"Oh, I'm so glad it's not pink," I muttered under my breath as Bella held out the
pencil jar she made for me. Smiling, I spoke up so she could hear me. "I love it,
Bella. Thanks."

She grinned at me before stepping back a few feet. "Look." As she turned around,
I realized she was wearing a Junior Spartans t-shirt. With my name and number!

"I'm your number one fan!" she exclaimed. "My dad helped me make it. Do you
like it?"

Grinning like a dope, I pulled her in for a hug. "I guess I don't have to ask if
you're gonna root for me, huh?"

She giggled, letting me lead her by the hand to my parent's Volvo. Emmett was
talking my dad's ear off about strategies and weaknesses the whole way to the
baseball diamond. Bella was watching the scenery as we drove and I was
watching her. She'd gotten a little taller over the last year, but she was still a lot
shorter than me. Her hair was still really dark, but there were lighter colors in it
now too, I guessed from the sun.

She looked happy. I hoped I hit a homerun today. She'd love that.

When we got to the ballpark, which was the same one that the high school kids
used, Emmett and I jogged over to our team's bench while Bella went with my
parents to sit on the bleachers. More parents slowly filed in until we were finally
ready to start.

I pitched two innings and I could hear Bella's voice above all the rest cheering me
on. As I was waiting for my turn to bat, Mike Newton tried to razz me about Bella.
At first he wanted to know if I had a sister my parent's had been hiding, then he
wanted to know if I paid her to be my friend, and then he wanted to know if she
knew she was going to have four-eyed geek babies.

That was right about where Emmett 'accidentally' nailed him in the stomach with
a bat on his way up to the plate. Mike stopped after that. Mostly. He stilled
coughed 'loser' every time I passed him, but after I stepped on his foot with my
cleats, he shut up for good. Jerk.

I didn't hit a homerun, but I did score once and I caught a pop-fly that ended the
game, Spartans: six, Wolves: four. They let me keep the game ball and I was
torn. Most of me wanted to give it straight to Bella, but a little part of me wanted
to give it to Emmett for taking care of Newton for me. But he'd won the game for
us tons of times and Bella wouldn't get another chance until next year, so…

"Hey Em? It was really cool that you got Newton to shut up back there. But I
really wanna give this to Bella, if you don't mind?" I asked quietly.

He elbow-cuffed me in the back of the head and ran ahead of me to our parents.
To those not fluent in the language of Emmett, that meant he was fine with it. I
ran over to Bella, holding it out for her.

"For me?" she squeaked, an ear-to-ear smile across her face. She threw her arms
around my neck, hugging the breath out of me. "Thank you, Edward!"

I grinned down at her as I set her back on the ground. "You ready to go have
some birthday cake?"

She nodded and we walked together back to the car and loaded up into the
backseat. When we got back to the house, she smiled shyly at my mom.

"Miss Esme, can I make lunch for all of you today?"

My mom nodded, asking if she needed any help, to which Bella shook her head.

"No. But thank you. Edward, will you keep me company?"

I laughed, but nodded anyway. Like she needed to ask. I took her to the kitchen
and let her mess with stuff while I got my birthday cake out of the fridge.

"What're you gonna make?" I asked suspiciously as she got out tomatoes. I was
not about to eat salad for anybody.

"Grilled ham and cheese with tomatoes. It's my favorite. Is that okay?" she asked
worriedly. It sounded weird, but she looked like she really wanted to make it.

"Yeah," I agreed hesitantly. She sparked back to life, buttering bread and slicing
tomatoes for the sandwiches. I watched her closely when she was using the
knife, but didn't speak so I didn't distract her. It would ruin the day if we had to
go to the hospital because she needed stitches. After what felt like forever, she
was finally finished with that, so I just had to watch her while she was grilling the
sandwiches to make sure she didn't burn herself.

"Did you make this up yourself?" I wondered, because it actually smelled pretty
good. "And you better make Emmett at least three. He eats like a pig."

She laughed and nodded. "No, I had this at a diner once between San Francisco
and Phoenix. I know you hate vegetables, but they're really good, I swear."

"Alright," I sighed. "But if it's gross I'm stealing your piece of cake."

"Oh, just shut up. Okay, so three for Emmett, one for your mom, one for your
dad, one for me and one for you? Seven? Should I make a couple of extras just in
case?" she frowned in thought.

"Can I have two? I'm starving," I whined.

She rolled her eyes, flipping sandwiches onto plates like a pro. "Oh, but what if
they're gross?"

"I'm going to go chew on a plate until you stop picking on me," I grumbled,
pretending to walk away. As soon as her back was turned, I snagged one of the
sandwiches off the counter and took off.

"Edward!" she screeched from the kitchen, but I was already racing up the stairs
to get my backpack. I headed back downstairs quickly before she came up here
and killed me. She was waiting for me as soon as I walked in, her foot tapping on
the kitchen tile and her body placed directly in front of the plate of sandwiches.

Her hair was kind of frizzy from the rain that would be coming in later that day
and her nose was scrunched up as she scowled at me with her arms crossed.
Before I could help it, a chuckle burst out.

"A-Are you laughing at me?" she gaped. I could tell she was still irritated with me
as she had her hands on her hips. But standing in front of her, I realized that
while she might have grown a couple of inches in the last year, I'd grown at least
four and I was already way taller than her to begin with. And she looked really
tiny standing there trying to look all mad and scary.

"No. Yes. No. Not really. You just…you just…look like an angry kitten that got its
fur rubbed the wrong way," I choked out before bursting into laughter. She was
trying to stay mad, but Bella always caught the giggles when people around her
laughed. I just needed to help this along. I started to creep towards her, but she
realized what I was doing and tried to run. I never knew why she bothered when
it always ended the same way. I would chase. I would catch. I would tickle. Facts
of life.

So I chased her around the island in the kitchen. I caught her before she could
trip on the doorjamb. And then I lifted her up off the ground while I tickled her
sides with no mercy.

"Edward! Stop!" she squealed, trying to twist away from me. All that did was
make both of us tumble to the ground, her on top of me while I kept tickling her.
Emmett stepped over us, following the scent of food and mumbling a thank you
to Bella through a mouthful of sandwich. I doubt she heard it over my laughing
and her screaming, though.

I noticed my mom taking some pictures of us before my dad called for us to
break it up. I stopped and she jumped off of me immediately, wiping tears off of
her flushed face.

"I am never making you sandwiches again, Edward Cullen!"

"Aww," I whined. "But it was so good. I couldn't help it. I'm a growing boy."

She rolled her eyes at me and shook her head, leaving me on the ground while
she went to go join my family for lunch.

Everybody thought she was a great cook and she blushed bright red when they
all thanked her. My mom was being really embarrassing by showing her a bunch
of pictures of me in my baseball uniform and from Halloween and stuff. When she
started talking about baby albums, I decided lunch was done.

"Okay! We have to go now. Say goodbye, Bella."

"Goodbye, Bella," she snickered. Emmett snorted and elbow-cuffed her in the
back of her head, which meant he liked her. It also meant my dad yelled at him
and my mom was too distracted with the two of them to stop us from leaving.

"Aww. You didn't want to let your mom show me baby pictures?" she giggled.

I glared at her, pursing my lips. "Well, it's not exactly fair, you know. She shows
you a bunch of embarrassing pictures but I don't get to see any of you."

"How come we never sent pictures before?" she frowned.

"I dunno," I shrugged. "I guess I never thought about it. We can start this year?"

"Okay," she nodded, almost tripping on a root. She caught herself without help
and I ate my smile so she didn't get mad at me again.

"So what were you for Halloween last year? You saw my pirate costume."

She eyed me sideways, shaking her head. "I don't want to tell you."

Halting in my tracks, I gaped at her, upset. "Why not?"

She read my hurt expression and sighed. "Because you'll make fun of me."

"No, I won't," I replied automatically. I'd never do anything to hurt her feelings.

She let out a deep, noisy breath before looking away from me.

"A cat," she mumbled.

I tried. I really did. But when she looked back at me with her lips twitching, I
couldn't help it. I was on the ground laughing and she just rolled her eyes and
waited for me to finish while she tried to hide her own smile. After a few minutes,
she got bored and started to walk off without me. I got up immediately and
caught up with her, throwing my arm around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry. I am. It's just.." I trailed off to keep from exploding into laughter
again. She elbowed me, but kept walking.

"Yeah, yeah."

"You know what this means, don't you?" I asked straight-faced.

"No."

"Oh yes. Every time you get mad now, I'm going to have to call you kitten until
you smile," I nodded firmly.

She snorted. "Then you'd probably better start right about now." And then she
took off running for our tree.

"Kitten!" I wailed dramatically, taking off after her. "Don't leave me, kitten!"

She laughed loudly as she skidded to a stop at our tree with me right on her tail.
Bending over to catch her breath, she panted out heavily. "Are you done now?"

"For now," I gasped out. Collapsing down to the ground, I tossed my pack off. I
opened it up and pulled out my new pocketknife.

"What's that for?" Bella asked with wide eyes.

"Relax," I laughed. "It's for this."

Turning around, I very carefully chipped away at the bark of the tree.

E

'+'

B

"Now it's really our tree!" she clapped, grinning. I nodded, happy and proud with
her approval.

Shoving my knife back down in my bag, I pulled out my licorice. "It's gonna be
time soon. You wanna just sit?"

"Yeah," she said quietly, taking a rope and chewing it while she rested her head
on my shoulder.

I'd heard in my English class that year that our 'magic time' was called twilight.
Just before it happened, I set my head down on hers.

Please don't let anything change in middle school.

I had no idea.

I chase my blood

From brain to thumped heart

Until I'm out of breath

For trying

6.

We never got around to sending pictures that year. If I thought fifth grade was
different, then sixth grade was another planet. Towards the end of summer, I hit
a grand slam in our championship game that won us the trophy. Every single guy
on the team congratulated me, even Mike Newton. By my first name too, not
geek. Unfortunately, my glasses fell while I was running around the bases, so
they had to be replaced. My mom picked out some thinner ones that were more
in fashion, she said.

They felt flimsy and crooked, but nobody called me 'Four-eyes' anymore. Nobody
really called me any names anymore. Winning that game had earned me a 'cool'
spot with the guys. And that would have been a big enough adjustment, if it
weren't for…the girls.

Every time I would try to pass a worksheet to the person behind me in class, if it
was a girl, I had to wait. Because she would be busy powdering her face or
brushing her hair or putting on lip stuff that smelled way too sweet.

I asked Bella about it and she told me that she'd been going to school with girls
who wore makeup since fifth grade. She assured me she didn't touch the stuff
and I was extremely relieved.

But it wasn't just the makeup stuff that was freaking me out. It was these socials
they started having. There was a 'Fall Sadie Hawkins' dance. A 'Winter
Wonderland' dance. Valentine's Day. It felt like there was a dance every month.
Girls that used to walk by me and pretend that I stunk were now leaving notes in
my locker with lipstick kisses inside.

At first I tried to stay far away from it all. But the guys from my baseball team
started wanting to come over and hang out at my house afterschool, and we
would talk about stuff while we played video games. Everybody had a pair of
skate shoes, so I got some, too. I switched out my polo shirts for baggy tees.
They would brag about getting notes from the same girls I was getting notes
from and talk about kissing and stuff. I would laugh and nod and grunt like the
rest of them, but I didn't understand what was happening.

Everybody acted the same. Carefree. Easygoing. Bad grade on a test? No big
deal. Detention? Cool. And at first it was exhausting to act that way, which didn't
make sense to me. Because should it really take so much effort to be so laid
back? I did worry if I got a bad grade. The thought of getting a detention terrified
me. Not to mention the kissing. I got notes from five different girls daily. Girls
that giggled at anything and everything and followed us everywhere. I was
constantly on the run.

Keeping up with it all took a lot of time and effort. I started taking a few days to
write Bella back and my letters were shorter, because I didn't know how to tell
her what was going on. She didn't talk about lipstick or fruity perfumes or
dances. She still talked about science projects and books. The guys didn't really
like any of that stuff, so I was trying not to as well. So I wouldn't write back stuff
about school, I just told her about the other stuff going on. The cool stuff. And
she tried to take an interest and ask questions about video games and stuff, but
she sounded really mad about some of it. It was like she was completely different
from the other girls in my grade.

A little voice tried to whisper in the back of my head that I was the same kind of
different too, but I didn't listen. I had friends. Friends to play games with, friends
to eat pizza with, friends to do cool stuff with. Like the time we had a campout in
Eric Yorkie's backyard and snuck out to TP Ben Cheney's house. I felt kind of bad
about that, since Ben was in all of my advanced classes and he'd always seemed
really nice. Or there was the time Tyler Crowley stole one of his mom's cigarettes
for us to try. Everybody coughed and hacked, but we tried it. I took two showers
and brushed my teeth three times before dinner just so my parents wouldn't find
out.

And over time, it became easy to be just like them. Because I was one of them.
So I didn't really notice when Bella's last letter sat unopened on my desk for two
weeks before I responded. It didn't occur to me that I was just skimming her
letters and only answering back direct questions before sending them back. My
mom didn't listen to me play piano anymore, because I didn't really practice ever.
Emmett didn't bug me to play catch in the backyard and I didn't help him with his
math anymore. Life was just…whatever, and I was cool.

It never really hit me until I got a letter from Bella at the end of May.

Edward,

I'm not sure if you're going to read this before my visit in June, but I just wanted
to know if you wanted me to come visit you. If I don't hear back from you, I'll
figure out not to come over. Talk to you later. Just in case, happy twelfth
birthday.

Bella

That was it. Her whole letter. What the heck? How could she think I wouldn't
want to see her? Thinking back, I thought over anything in my letters that would
have suggested I didn't. When I couldn't think of anything, I shrugged it off and
sent her back a quick note.

Bella,

Of course I want to see you. June 21st. Best friends forever. See you then.

Edward

I hadn't been able to think of anything else to say, because I couldn't really
remember what her last letter was about and I needed to meet the guys at the
park in fifteen. I stamped the envelope and stuck it in the mailbox on my way
out.

.

"Edward."

"Edward."

"Edward! Wake up or I'm getting a spray bottle!"

I jumped awake, squinting at the bright light in my room. I'd stayed up late after
my birthday party playing Halo online with the guys. Lauren and Jessica kept
trying to log on and bug us, but we just ignored them. Groaning, I stretched out.

"Geez, Edward. You look really tired. Did you sleep okay?" Bella asked worriedly.

"Yeah," I yawned. "Just playing with the guys. The chicks wouldn't leave us
alone."

"O-kaaaay," she said slowly, standing up from my bed.

"'Sup?"

"'Sup?" she echoed, frowning. "Um…nothing. I just thought you would want to
get up and change. Are we still going to hang out today?"

"Yeah. 'Course. That'll be cool."

"Why are you talking like that?" she asked.

"I'm not talking like anything. Just chill, Bella. Let me get dressed and we'll go."

"Yeah. Okay," she mumbled, leaving to give me some privacy.

I stared up at my ceiling for a moment. Relaxed and carefree didn't sound like it
agreed with Bella. Sighing, I got up and dressed. When I was done, I came
downstairs to find Bella waiting quietly in the kitchen. She looked up when I
walked in and scrunched up her eyebrows for a minute before shaking her head
and standing up. My mom put a couple of muffins in my hand and ushered us out
the door, calling out good luck after us. Not sure what for.

As we walked together quietly, it didn't feel like it normally did. Bella seemed
tense, which was making me tense and I wasn't used to that anymore. I wasn't
sure if I liked it and tried to break the awkward silence.

"So. What've you been up to?"

She smiled nervously at me.

"Riley and I ended up winning first place," she offered. Who was Riley? At my
blank look, she continued, her shoulders dropping a bit.

"The science fair," she added quietly.

"Oh. Er, good job," I complimented, feeling even more uncomfortable now. I
didn't remember anything about a science fair. This was so confusing. When I
acted like this with the guys or even in front of the girls, it seemed cool. But with
Bella, it seemed like it was hurting her feelings. That was something I never
wanted to do. That I did care about.

"Thanks," she mumbled.

I nodded, uncomfortable as I tried to think about something to talk about. Most
of the stuff I got up to with the guys, she didn't like. And standing in front of her,
I swallowed hard at the thought of having to see her be disappointed in me.

Trying to steel myself, I reasoned that I should just keep those two Edwards
separate.

With the guys, I'd still be the cool me, but I couldn't be that guy with Bella. I'd
just suffer through being the old me and hope she didn't notice that I was a little
rusty. We made our way to the tree and sat down, but Bella didn't make a move
to open up her bag.

Staring out across the field, she spoke first. "Why'd you tell me to come,
Edward?"

"Because you always come. You have to. I only get one day a year," I pointed
out, confused as to why she would even ask.

"But are we even really friends anymore? You don't have any idea what I'm doing
down in Phoenix and I have no idea who you are," she argued softly.

"I'm still me, Bella. Things just got a little busy this year," I defended, but even
to my own ears it sounded lame.

"Edward, I get being busy. I've never had so much homework to do in my life.
But do you seriously think it's okay to blow me off for Mike Newton?" she asked,
her voice spitting out his name like it tasted bad in her mouth.

"Hey! I haven't been blowing you off. And there's nothing wrong with Mike."

"Right," she scoffed. "Nothing at all wrong with Mike Newton. I must be thinking
of some other guy that used to threaten to punch you if you didn't let him cheat
on your tests."

I opened my mouth to retort, but she kept going. "Or maybe you're hanging out
with a different Eric, because you couldn't possibly be talking about the same Eric
that used to throw water on the front of your pants and then claim you wet
yourself."

"Hey!" I yelled. "Quit badmouthing my friends!"

"I'm not," she stated plainly. "All I'm doing is listing off the crap they used to do.
Not that long ago, either. It's not my fault that what they did sounds bad when
you say it out loud."

"Well, you don't have to bring it up," I argued. "They're not like that anymore."

"Mm-hm," she hummed sarcastically. "Tell me something. Would they still be
your friends if you hadn't won that game, Edward? Why weren't they your friends
before you got new glasses or those stupid shoes? Are they really not 'like that'
anymore, or have they just stopped being like that to you, for now? Because real
friends are still there whether you win or lose and I don't think those guys would
be anywhere around."

"What? So now they're not real friends?" I sneered.

"You already know they're not. If they were, you could be the real you around
them and they'd still like you," she snapped.

"Who says this isn't the real me, Bella? I like how I am now. Don't you want me
to be happy?"

It was a low blow and I knew it. All she ever wanted was for me to be happy. All
the anger on her face turned to shock.

"Of course I do. I love you."

For the first time, hearing that just made me feel worse. "Can we just drop it
now?"

She chewed on her bottom lip for a minute before nodding and reaching into her
bag. "Yeah, okay. I think I'm just going to read for a little while."

"Yeah. Okay," I mumbled. She looked anywhere but me as she handed me a
gaming magazine.

Every minute that ticked away that day felt like a waste. She was only here one
day a year and we spent the first half of the morning fighting and the second half
not even speaking to each other. I knew she was still upset and I still was too, a
little bit.

At one point, I would have dropped anything or anyone for Bella without a second
thought. And I probably still would, but I really didn't want to. Sure, all the
changes had been weird at first, but they didn't ask me to change. I just fit in
better that way. Most of the stuff they did was harmless, mostly. It just felt good
to be included for once. Why couldn't she understand that?

We barely spoke the whole day, not even during lunch. Now there was so much I
wanted to ask her, but I didn't want her to know I'd barely read her letters over
the last few months. But the worst part of the day came at sunset. As the clouds
turned pink and orange, she didn't lean against me and let me wrap my arm
around her. She was already loading everything into her backpack, like she was
just waiting for twilight and then she'd run.

"I'm just going to go straight to Charlie's after, okay?" she asked, her eyes fixed
on the ground.

"You want me to walk you?" I offered hopefully.

She ducked her head down, her hair falling to hide her face. "Nah. Don't worry
about it."

Right as the sun disappeared, she turned towards the sky and closed her eyes.
She was only a foot away, but it felt like a mile. Once we'd both made our
wishes, she stood up and brushed herself off.

"'Bye, Edward."

And then she was gone. I watched her disappear through the trees, wanting to
stop her, wanting to go with her, wanting to rewind this whole messed up day
and fix it somehow. After a couple of minutes, I realized I couldn't let her leave to
go back to Phoenix like this. Watching her walk away didn't feel like 'goodbye
until next year.' It felt more like 'goodbye forever.'

Gentleman one-oh-one. Always escort the lady safely home. Decision made.
Running after her in the direction she left, I didn't have to go far before I found
her. She was sitting on the ground, her knees bent up to her chest as she sniffled
quietly into them. Running over to her, I checked all over her to make sure she
didn't fall. When I didn't see any scrapes or bruises, I realized she was just really
upset. And I had a bad feeling it was because of me.

Squatting down next to her, I tugged on her hand to get her to look at me.
"What's wrong?"

Wiping away tears that just kept falling, she locked eyes with me, her voice
watery. "That's what's wrong. My Edward would know. But you don't have a
clue."

"I don't," I agreed sadly. "But you can't go back to Phoenix mad at me, kitten.
Please."

She huffed, rolling her eyes. "Don't call me that."

"C'mon," I coaxed. "I already messed up the whole day. Gimme one smile. One
hug. It's all I'm asking."

She blinked back the rest of her tears, making my chest ache with every one that
fell because of me.

"One hug. No smiles. C'mere," she said after several painful moments. Choking
out a laugh, I threw my arms around her, sending us both to the ground.

Pulling back, I saw she was clenching her jaw to keep from smiling.

"Smile, kitten, or you're gonna get the Claw," I threatened, holding up my hand
to show her I wasn't bluffing.

Throwing her hands out to guard herself, she laughed. "No! No. I'm smiling. Put it
away."

Wrapping her up in one more hug, I made myself a promise. This year, I wasn't
going to wait for my wish to come true. I was going to make it.

We're going to be okay.

But please, just in case.

It never hurt to be careful.

These accidents

Of faith and nature

They tend to stick

In the spokes of you

7.

The rest of summer after Bella left was a blur. The night after I walked her home,
I ran all the way back to my house and stayed up until the sun rose the next
morning to pour through all the letters I'd only glanced at before. And it spurred
so much in me.

Bella had made friends in Phoenix. A lot of friends, by the sound of things. She
and a girl named Bree had formed a creative writing club that alternately read

classics and their own original stories. Pages I had once dismissed for their lack of
direct questions, I now read with a proud grin as I recognized Bella's own prose
and short stories. Her friend Bree sounded almost as nice as my Bella.

Bree's twin brother Riley, on the other hand, I wasn't so sure about. I was really
proud of the underwater volcano that he and Bella had created for their science
fair entry, and I had to admit that his use of crystals in the habitat was a really
good idea, but his…everything worried me. It was unbelievable how many times
she mentioned him in her letters. He was her science partner. He was her gym
partner. He was in her writing club. He was a huge part of her life that I couldn't
touch. Not cool. I didn't like the feeling of being replaceable.

All of sixth grade it had never even occurred to me that Bella might not always be
there. It never even crossed my mind that she might one day do to me what I
had done to her. I thought about how I felt when I was waiting for her letters two
years before. That had almost destroyed me. But then I turned around and did it
to her!

No matter how many friends I made, she would always be my first. My absolute
best friend and I couldn't lose her, ever.

Me and the guys weren't hanging out as much at the moment, because things
were kind of weird. When I had tried to talk to them about Bella, they shut me
down, talking about how all girls were the same. I could tell the second I opened
my mouth that they didn't want to hear me 'cry about a girl.' A little voice that
sounded like Bella started nudging me again, pointing out that real friends would
always care, but I didn't listen. Again.

On top of being dramatic, I've also always been a bit stubborn.

So I sort of fell into a routine, where no matter how late I stayed out with the
guys doing whatever, I always wrote to Bella before I went to bed, even if it was
just a few lines. I apologized, because even though I hadn't meant to, I did blow
her off for the guys and it wasn't fair. She didn't ditch me just because she made
friends.

I couldn't help but be a little jealous of her. I'd had big plans to enter my school's
science fair at the beginning of sixth grade, but I'd let it go when the other guys
laughed at the fliers and ripped them off the wall. I wondered what they'd say if I
entered this year's competition. And she had her creative writing. Bella's writing
was like what my piano was to me. Or at least what it used to be. The guys didn't
even know I played. They thought it was my mom's. At least I still had baseball.
That was where I didn't have to think about anything but the game. There was no
façade to keep up, no role to play.

So I walked into seventh grade not having any idea what to expect after all the
changes of last year. The whole school was buzzing about a new kid and the guys
were already making plans. If he was cool, he'd be with us. If he wasn't, they
already had three pranks in the works. We were hovering around the front of the
school when I saw him. And I felt really sorry for him, because he didn't stand a
chance.

He was wearing a plaid button-down shirt tucked into khakis that were about an
inch too short. His blond hair was curly and frizzy and sticking out everywhere.
He was me from two years ago, with the addition of braces and only missing the
glasses.

Mike and Tyler were arguing back and forth about who was going to go first, but
Eric stole whatever was in their hands before they could decide. He ran right up

to the new kid and slammed a water balloon right at his crotch. Then he started
running around, screaming and pointing and laughing at the new kid that peed
himself.

Right then was when it all seemed to come clear to me. Bella had been right.
They were the same mean kids they'd always been, it just hadn't been me they
were mean to for awhile. Looking down at myself, I sneered at the stupid shoes
that made me hip-check doorframes on a daily basis because of their stupid
wheels. My stupid, wire-framed glasses slid down my nose, as always feeling
crooked and flimsy on my face.

I was really mad at what Eric had just done and all the rest of the kids that were
standing around the new kid laughing, but I was the maddest at myself. This
wasn't me, it never had been and I wasn't happy like this. Striding away from the
guys, I left that group forever, whether they knew it at the moment or not and
walked up to the new kid.

"Hey. I'm Edward. Do you want me to show you the nurse's office? She has some
extra clothes in there for accidents."

He glared up at me with wet eyes. "I didn't have an accident," he spat.

"I know!" I assured him. "I saw what he did. I'm sorry about him. He's just…an
idiot. I just meant she has extra clothes for when kids need 'em."

I shuffled awkwardly on my feet waiting for him to respond. I couldn't really
blame him if he didn't trust me. He'd probably seen me standing right next to the
rest of them when he got attacked. After a beat, he nodded hesitantly and I
breathed out a sigh of relief.

"If you want, I can walk in front of you," I offered. He smiled at me and nodded
again, less reluctantly this time. I guided him inside, ignoring the gaping looks on
all the guys' faces. We got admitted to the nurse's office and I was given
permission to wait with him so I could show him to all of his classes. We had to
wait for awhile for the nurse to come in.

"Why are you helping me? Is this another trick?" he asked quietly, almost like he
was expecting me to say yes. Again, I couldn't blame him. I looked just like the
rest of them.

Shaking my head, I tried to choose my words carefully. "It's really not. But I
wouldn't be surprised if they're not done pranking you. When they pick
somebody, they never let up." I sighed, remembering all the things they used to
do to me.

"I saw you with them. Are you friends with them?" he asked, genuine curiosity in
his eyes.

"I was. But I'm not anymore. I never should've been in the first place," I said
firmly. He nodded in response, probably still trying to figure me out.

"So you're not going to 'help me to my classes' by locking me in the janitor's
closet?" he asked blankly. "'Cause it's happened to me before."

"Me, too," I admitted quietly. "They used to do stuff to me like that all the time."

"Then why were you friends with 'em?" he gaped.

"I don't know," I swallowed thickly. "I guess because they didn't do it to me for
awhile so I thought they were different. Or maybe I just wanted to have friends

for once so I didn't care who they were. It doesn't matter. It was stupid. I was
stupid."

"Yeah. That does sound pretty stupid."

I jerked my head towards him only to find him grinning. I laughed, making my
glasses slip down again.

"Argh," I groaned. "I hate these glasses. My old ones were thicker and stayed put
better."

"You could always break 'em. Then your parents would have to buy you new
ones," he suggested. "'Course, if you get thick ones you're gonna look like a
geek."

"I am a geek," I grinned, already making a plan to snap those stupid wire frames
as soon as I got home. "And I can't wait to prove it to everybody tomorrow."

"I'll believe it when I see it," he grinned, shaking his head. He held out his hand
toward me. "So, Stupid-I'm-a-geek-Edward. I'm Jasper. It's nice to meet you."

Everything changed that day. I helped Jasper to all of his classes and if I had to
guess, the guys were too busy being confused by my sudden change in behavior
to mess with him. That day afterschool, I 'accidentally' snapped my glasses in
two and my mom rushed me to the optometrist. I picked out the thickest frames
they had. She smiled at me curiously, but didn't ask. She wasn't quite so
agreeable when I begged her to take me back-to-school shopping when we'd
already done that two weeks before, but she eventually relented. I'd be washing
dinner dishes for a month, but she took me.

Oh, polo shirts. How I missed you.

The next morning, Emmett choked on his waffles when I walked into the kitchen.
He'd barely spoken three words to me since I started hanging out with the guys,
but he had plenty of words for me that day. Between disgustingly huge bites of
food, he mumbled and spit out words like, 'about time,' and 'Geekward.' When he
passed me to take his plate to the sink, he elbow-cuffed me in the back of my
head and told me to be ready to teach him pre-algebra that night or he'd stuff me
in my locker. We were all good again.

Jasper and I were pretty much inseparable at school. It wasn't hard to be, since
we were in five out of six honors' classes together. I wasn't sure if there was
strength in numbers or what, but the guys, my old supposed 'friends' just pretty
much acted like we didn't exist. We pretty much treated them the same way. I
decided to not try out for the baseball team again.

We had so much fun together. Real fun. He played classical guitar and we would
mess around in my music room for hours. When I told him about Bella, he
listened with interest. He told me that he'd only had one friend back in Texas
where he came from, but he never thought about writing letters. He didn't seem
too worried about it, though. And he never minded if I worked on a letter to her
while he read comics in my room.

Bella thought Jasper sounded awesome. She told me that she framed the picture
I sent her of the two of us when we were waiting in line for the new Batman
movie. I told her if she wanted to, she could meet him when she visited that
summer. I could tell she was nervous about meeting him, but she agreed. It went
without saying that we'd still go to our tree together for sunset. That would
always be just for us.

.

That year for my thirteenth birthday, Jasper stayed over so he could hang out
with me and Bella in the morning. Even though we stayed up kind of late the
night before watching a Friday the 13th marathon, we woke up early the next
day. And it turned out Jasper was just as nervous about meeting Bella as she
was. Maybe even a little bit more.

"What are you worried about, Jazz? Bella's really cool. She's gonna like you fine,"
I told him, for probably the tenth time. But it didn't seem to have any effect on
him at all. He just kept bouncing his leg up and down.

"But…I know you and me are best friends, but she's your best friend. If she
doesn't like me, you'll totally ditch me," he argued, his shoulders slumping.

"That's not true!" I argued. "Look, even if Bella doesn't like you, which she will,
she'd never ask me to ditch you."

"But you would if it made her happy. You should see your face when you talk
about her. It's like…she's everything to you."

I didn't really know what to say to that. He was right, mostly. She was everything
to me. But it wouldn't make her happy if I gave up my only other friend just
because she didn't like him. Which she would. Before I could say anything, he
started up again.

"And I just know I'm gonna be a total loser in front of her. Girls freak me out, Ed.
I don't know how you deal with Lauren and Jessica hanging around all the time,"
he sighed, shaking his head.

"Painfully," I grimaced, thinking of how they always hovered by my locker and
asked me what I was doing that weekend. It didn't make any sense to me,
because every time, I'd say 'nothing' and then they'd go find the jocks who were
waiting to take them wherever they wanted. "Look, Bella's not like those girls.
She's not even really like a girl. She's just…Bella. You'll see. You're gonna love
her."

"Who's gonna love who?" Bella asked from my doorway with a grin. I jumped up
from my bed and picked her up in a huge hug, swinging her around.

"Every year, you just get shorter," I grinned as I set her down. She stared at me
for awhile, the biggest smile on her face as she looked me over. At my big, black
glasses, my blue polo tucked into my jeans and my plain, brown boots. She
shook her head and stepped back from me, her smile dropping.

"I did not get shorter, Eddie!"

I scowled at her as I heard Emmett down the hall laughing his head off, joined by
Jasper's snickers coming from behind me. Lifting up my hands in surrender, I
backed away slowly.

"Alright, fine. You clearly grew at least half an inch. Forgive me," I mocked,
moving to the side so she could see Jasper. "Bella, this is my best friend Jasper.
Jasper, this is my Bella."

She smiled at him, waving shyly. He returned the gesture, looking nervously from
her to me. I groaned, rolling my eyes.

"Guys, c'mon. Don't be weird. Bella, he's like a blond version of me. He doesn't
bite. Jazz, it's Bella. There's probably something wrong with her, but I haven't

found it yet. You guys'll get along great if you just, you know, speak. To each
other," I added.

Silence.

"Oh, come on!"

"Um…Edward told me you guys learned a new song? Could I hear it?" Bella asked
quietly. Jasper's face immediately went green.

"Sure! That sounds great!" I grinned, grabbing Jazz by his collar and hauling him
up. Still smiling, I spoke lowly as we followed Bella out of my room. "Relax,
Jasper. It'll be fine."

"I can't play in front of a girl," he hissed under his breath, too low for Bella to
hear.

"Jasper, please. I only see her one day a year and I totally screwed up last time.
I need to make it up to her. If you help me do this for her, I'll…" I trailed off,
trying to think of something to bargain with. "I'll give you the Riddler."

He stopped in his tracks as Bella continued down the stairs unaware. "You'll give
me your Detective Comics Issue One-forty Introducing Edward Nigma As the
Riddler? Just to play a song?" he asked, his voice cracking. After a beat, he shook
his head. "Geez, you're crazy for this girl. Look, I'm not takin' your comic book,
but I'll do it. You owe me. Big-time."

"No, it's yours. Take it," I insisted. I knew it was hard for him to perform in front
of people. It took him a month to let my mom listen in.

"No, you're my friend. You don't have to buy me off just to get me to do you a
favor. I'll do it. But if she laughs at me or I faint, we never speak of it again," he
said firmly, walking past me to head downstairs. I followed after him into the
music room where Bella was waiting on the couch. He took his seat by the piano
and adjusted his music stand while I got comfortable on the bench.

"Ready?" I called out to her. She nodded, smiling brightly.

"Ready?" I gritted out through my smile to Jasper.

"To puke? Sure," he muttered as he sat up straight and nodded to me. I led him
into a Diabelli duet, one of the first pieces we learned and something he knew
with his eyes closed. He played it perfectly, without a single mistake. It was also
a piece that he got to end with a small solo. As soon as he strummed the last
chord, Bella was across the room hugging him.

"That was so great! You guys are gonna be famous someday!" she gushed,
moving from him to me. I hugged her back, grinning at Jasper over her shoulder.
He still looked a little shocked from her hug, but he looked proud, too. He stood
up with his shoulders squared.

"Hey Bella. You wanna see me and Edward's science fair project? Our watermill
can power a light bulb if there's enough sun out."

"Did you guys ever consider inverting the power into a battery storage system?
That way you could build up enough to power up anything you wanted…" she
starting chattering off different theories on productivity and I watched all the
tension leave Jasper as he heard her inner geek come out. I told him. She was
just like us.

We walked back up to my room together, the two of them going on and on about
conductivity and the necessary wiring mechanisms for a larger model version. We
tinkered around with old batteries and wires for hours until Jasper said he needed
to go home for dinner.

"Thanks for havin' me over, Ed. It was nice to meet you, Bella," he smiled, pulling
her in for a hug. I smirked at him behind her back and he rolled his eyes at me,
nodding in acknowledgment. 'You were right,' he mouthed.

'I know,' I grinned back.

He punched my shoulder on the way out, leaving Bella and I alone.

"You wanna eat before we go?" I asked.

"Nah," she shrugged. "I'm still okay from lunch. Your mom made so much food."

"Emmett," I replied simply, picking up my bag and flicking off the lights so we
could leave.

We arrived at our tree a little while later with Bella relatively intact. A minor twist
in her ankle, but she promised she was fine. Sitting down next to her against the
trunk, I wrapped my arm around her right away.

"It's not sunset yet," she stated, curious.

"I know," I shrugged bashfully. "But I missed out last year."

She gave me a little half-smile, reaching up to wiggle my glasses a bit. "I'm just
so glad you're you again."

Nodding, I returned her smile. "Yeah. Me, too."

She narrowed her eyes at me, the corners of her lips twitching upwards. "Just
know that if you try that crap again, you're toast. I will skip right past the talk-it-
out stage and move straight to the butt-kicking."

"This is great," I grinned. "I get to watch you go all angry kitten and I didn't even
do anything yet."

"Don't call me that!" she squealed, swatting at me.

"You love it," I smirked cockily, trapping her hands easily. Seriously, she had the
strength of a wet kitten. Declawed, even.

She conceded, her hands going limp in mine. I released her, letting her settle
against me as the sun began to shift downwards.

"So you like Jasper?" I asked quietly.

She nodded into my shoulder, pulling at a loose string on my jeans. "Yeah. He's
great. I'm glad you have him."

Thinking of the friend I had here, I couldn't help but remember the friends she
had down in Phoenix. Again, the fear of being replaced struck me, a weird feeling
in my chest making me ache as I thought of Riley.

"You know he could never be you, right?" I asked softly, leaning my head down
on hers.

"I would think not," she snickered. "He'd look terrible in my sundresses."

"I'm serious," I whined, squeezing her once.

"I know," she said softly, her humor gone. "Why do you think I was so upset last
year? Nobody could ever be you."

"I'm still really sorry about that," I said sadly, for probably the hundredth time.

"Let it go," she ordered gently. "We had a fight. We made up. We're totally past it
now."

"Make a wish," I breathed, watching the sun melt into the tops of the trees.

"Done," she whispered back.

We stayed that way for over an hour after sunset until the sky was completely
dark. I left my arm around her until it was asleep, while she pulled at invisible
strings on the side of my jeans. I got my wish that night instantly.

Please don't ever let her let me go.

Sunsets are awesome.

Something was bound

To go right sometime today

All these broken pieces fit together

To make a perfect picture of us

8.

I was not going to survive the eighth grade. It was a simple fact I was struggling
to accept. My mind no longer controlled my body, and my body was now
possessed. It had started with that ache in my chest around Bella when it was
time to say goodbye. Or when I thought about her being friends with Riley. It was
just an awkward feeling that went away as soon as she reassured me of our
friendship.

And then she sent me those stupid pictures from her summer vacation with her
mom. Gone were her usual t-shirts and jeans. Now she was on the beach. In her
bathing suit.

Bella did not used to look like that. I was positive I would have noticed.

We'd decided to try emailing that year, since I had received my very own laptop
for my birthday. I mailed her my email address as soon as it was set up and she
sent me a message as soon as she made her own account on her home
computer. With the attachment pictures from her vacation.

Again, she was on the beach. In her bathing suit. I had been really wrong when I
tried to make Jazz calm down.

Bella was most definitely a girl.

When I'd first seen the pictures, I was simply happy she seemed to be having
such a good time. There was even a picture where she let her toes touch the
ocean, which was a huge deal for her. Stingrays and giant waves, after all.

But then I'd gone to sleep that night with a weird feeling in my stomach after
looking at them for hours and when I woke up…I told my mom that morning that
I wanted to start washing my own laundry, including my sheets.

I felt terrible. So incredibly dirty and ashamed. The things I had pictured Bella
doing I had never even seen in real life before. Things that nobody should ever
imagine their best friend doing. I didn't know what to do. It felt too personal to
talk to my dad about and too awkward to discuss with Jasper. My mom was out
of the question. I shuddered trying to picture that conversation with Emmett.
He'd probably ask for a copy of the email.

And I did not like the idea of anyone else seeing Bella dressed like that. Or
undressed, as it was. So I resolved to just not look at the pictures again and let
whatever disease that was afflicting me abate in its own time.

.

I was never going to survive eighth grade. This just couldn't be healthy. How
many times a day could this happen to a person, er, man, er, teenager? I wore
the loosest pants possible and still, when I would sit down in my desk for class,
boom! One brush of my fly against what lay beneath and I couldn't stand up for
the rest of the period. To hide it I started leaving my shirts tucked out, but my
polos weren't completely long enough. So I traded those in for button-downs and
sweaters over t-shirts. And I wasn't sure if I was more or less relieved to realize
this plague was affecting most of the guys around me as well. It would seem tight
jeans were a thing of the past for all of us, geek and jock alike.

At first it was a concern, but manageable. I just wouldn't think about it, focus a
little extra hard on the lesson in class and it would go away. But over time, it
slowly became harder and harder to ignore, pun completely intended. And every
time it reached the point of pain and I ignored it, I would wake up the next
morning needing to change my sheets again.

I understood the basics of my anatomy. I knew what they were, I just couldn't
figure out how to get them to go away. Actually, that wasn't completely true. I
had a pretty good idea, but I was quite nervous to try it. What if everyone could
tell what I'd done? I'd Googled the subject pretty thoroughly and it was
supposedly normal. In my opinion, boys really got the short end of the stick when
it came to puberty. Bella never once complained about having to take showers
after everyone else in gym so as not to risk exposure.

But Bella, I was slowly becoming convinced, was out to kill me, too. She would
send me pictures of her and her friends digging up the Arizona desert looking for
Cretaceous fossils. In a tank top. And really short shorts. Was she testing me?
Trying to measure my character or gallantry? White flag, Bella. Please stop
torturing me. And the worst part of it was, she had no idea. She was just trying
to send her best friend pictures of her life, not knowing that every time said best
friend wanted to try and relieve the issue, he couldn't stop picturing her.

This made me immensely nervous for her upcoming visit. If I couldn't control my
body's reaction to pictures, I didn't know how I was going to be able to control
myself when she was here in person. The obituary would read: Died of
embarrassment after stabbing best friend with an erection during attempted hug.
Gone too soon from this world.

If only that was the least of my problems. The girls of school had officially gone
boy-crazy. If the school was having a girl's choice dance, they attacked in a
swarm. Jasper took to hiding in the bathroom between classes and just taking the
detentions for the tardies. He said it was worth it. The day after Lauren Mallory
cornered me against my locker and tried to tell me that I was taking her to the
Spring Formal and sealed the deal by pushing her tongue into my gaping mouth,
I started hiding out with Jasper.

Which led to the rumors about Jasper and I being gay. Fabulous. At least the girls
went away and we were able to stop clapping erasers after school.

Just when life couldn't get any more mortifying, my dad stepped in. Or rather, he
had me step into his office for a 'talk.' And apparently he decided he would just
roll them all into one giant talk, because I got the drug talk, the smoking talk, the
drinking talk, ending with…the sex talk. I left his study almost two hours later in a
daze, my brain completely fried.

Most of it I could block out with great effort. Drugs held no appeal for me as they
would interfere with my plans to attend Stanford, his alma mater. I pushed the
imaging charts of dead brain matter far from my mind. I was sure I'd try drinking
at some point, but had no intention of doing so for a few years yet. And I sure as
hell wouldn't be getting into a car afterward thanks to Dad's slideshow on fatal
accidents. As far as smoking went, I couldn't exactly tell him without getting
grounded for life that I'd already tried it and had no intentions of doing so ever
again. So he didn't know that he could have kept the blackened lung and
tracheotomy shots to himself and saved us both the nausea.

It was the sex talk that had my ears ringing. I wasn't sure I understood what he
was attempting to accomplish with it. Everything was a contradiction. Sex was
natural. Sex needed to wait. I wanted to point out that sex also needed a partner
which I didn't have and that the thought of a girl seeing me naked made me so
nervous I wanted to puke, but I didn't, mainly because I was so desperate for the
lecture to be over. Condoms weren't completely effective. But then he gave me
some anyway. Showing me pictures of STDs and threatening to take me up to the
nursery at the hospital followed by him telling me he trusted me. I was mostly
just grateful he didn't ask why I took three showers a day now.

He stressed the importance of never allowing myself to be pressured into
anything, nor should I ever pressure anyone into anything as well. He really
hammered that one hard. Under no circumstances was I ever to do something
without a girl's explicit permission. He reminded me to treat all women with
respect, the same as I would my own mother. He talked about the difference
between love and lust, but it was when he started talking about him and my
mom's relationship that I just couldn't take anymore.

So he shoved me out the door with a box of condoms that he didn't want me to
use and a cell phone to use if I was ever at a party where there were drugs or
alcohol. Emmett saw me on the way to my room and gave me a nod of
sympathetic understanding. He thrust a couple of magazines in my hand before
closing his door. I trudged past it to my room, tossing the condoms and cell
phone onto my desk. I wondered if I could use it to call Bella.

And cue my pants getting tight. This was ridiculous. I couldn't even think her
name now? Glancing down at the magazines, I read Playboy and Hustler in bold
letters across the top. Oh my God, my brother gave me dirty magazines. I
dropped them as if burned, glaring down at them on the floor and willing them to
burst into flames. It wasn't working.

Taking another glance down at the cover didn't help the pain in my groin lessen
at all. But as I looked at the girl-slash-woman on the cover, past the curves any
male with eyes could appreciate, all I saw was the wrong color hair, too much
makeup, eyes that weren't quite the right shade of brown…

I had to evaluate this.

First of all, I had to acknowledge that Bella was attractive. I'd always thought she
was beautiful, so this wasn't news. But was I attracted to her? And if I was, did
this need to affect our friendship? Obviously, my body's baser instincts found her
appealing, given the amount of lotion I went through in a week. Thinking over the
year, I realized I never once had this problem with any of the other girls at
school. Not even when Lauren tried to lick my tonsils. I shuddered just thinking
about it. But our lips never touched, so I wasn't counting it as a kiss. More of an
assault.

I tried to recall a time when I was even the least bit interested in any of those
girls and I couldn't think of a single one. So I was attracted to Bella. Was it just
physical? I snorted to myself, knowing the answer to that right away. There was
way more to Bella than her looks. She was the smartest person I knew next to
Jasper and myself. And she was so quick-witted. When we would chat online, we
could zing each other for hours. But she was also one of the nicest people I'd
ever met. Remembering my screw-up, I had to note that she was also one of the
most patient as well.

So what did this mean for our friendship? Could I still be just friends with her
knowing that I…What was it that I felt exactly? I knew I loved her, but that was a
friendly love. I'd loved her since I first found her crying when we were little. I
couldn't possibly be in love with her. I'd only spent six days with her in my life.
But I was in some serious like with her.

Could we even be anything more than friends? What I would give for her to live
here. But I knew she couldn't leave her mom. Her mom would lose her own head
if it weren't attached to her neck and Bella ran that house from top to bottom.
She lived a lifetime away. With Riley, that lucky bastard.

Oh God, that ache was back in my chest. What if she'd started having these same
feelings, but they weren't towards me? And if I revealed myself, it could ruin
everything. I'd rather have her in my life as only a friend than nothing at all. But
the thought of her holding hands with anybody but me, someone else's arm
around her shoulders…Those were my shoulders, damnit!

If I had even the slightest chance of winning her affections, I had to go for it or
possibly regret it forever.

.

My dad took Jasper and me to the bowling alley in Port Angeles for my fourteenth
birthday and we played a few games before he drove us back home so Jasper
could spend the night. He was really excited to get to see Bella again, and I was
surprised to feel that ache return sharply. Could jealousy be physically felt? What
was I jealous about? Jasper didn't like my Bella like that. Crap. Did he? What if
she liked him?

When we got back home, we went upstairs to hang out and I decided I needed to
confront him. Surely, as my best friend, he wouldn't go after my girl. I hoped.

"Hey Jazz?"

"Yeah, Ed," he grunted, not really paying much attention as he looked up codes
for the new WoW.

"You, uh…you don't like Bella, do you?"

"What?" he asked, swiveling around in the chair and staring at me in surprise.
"You know I do, man. She was awesome last year. By the time I left I didn't even
feel like I was gonna puke anymore."

Sighing, I shook my head. "No. I mean…you don't like like her, right?"

His eyebrows shot straight up his forehead, his jaw dropping. "Holy crap. You like
Bella."

The heat I felt burning in my ears was enough of an answer for him. He
recovered and blinked before relaxing back in my desk chair. "Uh…no, man. I
don't like her like that. She's your girl."

"Well, she's not, not really. I don't even know if she likes me like that. We've
never talked about it before."

He nodded thoughtfully. "You gonna talk to her about it tomorrow?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure I should," I admitted. At his questioning look, I
explained further. "It's just…she comes here once a year. I get one day and she
has to spend the rest with her dad. And then she's gone again."

"Yeah," he began slowly. "But in a few years we're gonna go to college. And if
you guys went to the same one, you could see each other all the time. So it
would suck for awhile, but…what if she does like you and you miss your chance?"

"That's the thing, though. What if she doesn't like me and I mess up everything?
She…I can't ever lose her, Jazz."

"I…I don't know what to say, man. You're talking to someone who hides in the
bathroom to steer clear of the opposite sex. You know Bella better than anybody
else on the planet. I think you should go with your gut," he shrugged, turning
back around in the chair to continue his surfing.

I threw myself back on my bed, staring at the ceiling for answers and running my
hands through my hair. It was getting dark outside, close to sundown. Closing my
eyes, I could almost hear Bella's soft voice whisper in my ear.

"Make a wish."

I did. I'd see if it worked tomorrow.

.

"She's here," I breathed out shakily, watching her wave goodbye to the cruiser as
her dad dropped her off out front through my bedroom window.

"Geez, Ed," Jasper groaned, noticing me sitting on the edge of my bed fully
dressed already. "How long you been up?"

"Awhile," I admitted. "I'm so freakin' nervous. God, she looks pretty. Why does
she have to look so pretty?"

He sat up, yawning and craning his neck around me to get a look. I shoved him
back down, scowling. "Don't check out my girl."

He laughed, stretching out. "Whatever. She looks the same as last year to me."

"God. How am I going to do this? I don't think I can do this."

"Edward! Edward!" I heard Bella's excited voice as she pounded up the stairs.
Jazz ran into the bathroom to get dressed as she burst in the room.

"Look!" she grinned, holding up a rock. "A trilobite! I found it a mile from my
house! Can you believe it?"

And there it was. I could totally do this. Because at the end of the day, she was
my Bella and I was her Edward and we were best friends no matter what.

"Are you serious?" I grinned back. "Let me see."

She slid onto my bed next to me as we leaned against the headboard. She
handed it over carefully before leaning over and surprising me by kissing my
cheek.

"I missed you."

Turning toward her, I drank in every inch of her beautiful face.

"You have no idea."

.

Jasper only hung around until lunch again and as far as I was concerned, good
riddance. He'd been batting his eyelashes at me every time Bella's back was
turned, making kissy faces and waggling his eyebrows like an idiot all day. I was
so going to get him back tomorrow.

"Tree?" I asked nervously, clenching my fists behind my back so she couldn't see
them shaking.

She nodded happily, picking up her pack. It was still the same purple one from
years ago, faded and worn.

"When're you gonna get a new one?" I laughed.

She narrowed her eyes at me haughtily. "Don't hate on the bag. It's my lucky
pack."

"Yes, kitten."

Her cheeks flushed bright red, a change from last year. She darted her eyes away
from me, about to pull it over her shoulders. I grabbed it out of her grasp before
she could, slipping both straps over my left arm. She rolled her eyes, shaking her
head as she walked past me.

"Always such a gentleman," she teased.

"I'm going to take that as a compliment," I replied dryly.

We started walking and the internal debate began to roar. Should I hold her
hand? Would it be weird? I did last year. Crap, now my hands were sweating.

Gotta calm down…gotta calm down…

"Edward? Are you okay?"

I looked at her, worried I might have been thinking out loud. She waited, her
eyes confused.

"You stopped walking," she pointed out.

Oh.

"Sorry," I smiled nervously, rubbing my palms on the sides of my jeans. Stepping
forward, I slipped my hand down into hers, slowly intertwining my fingers with
hers. She looked a little surprised, her eyes dropping down to look at our hands.

"Is this okay?" I asked quietly, kicking myself for not asking first.

Her eyes darted back up to mine as she nodded slowly, a soft blush flooding her
cheeks. I wanted to feel it to see if it was warm. Oh crap. If I started thinking
about touching her cheeks, I'd start to think about touching her other places…

Great-grandma Lizzy in a swimsuit…Great-grandma Lizzy in a swimsuit…

All better. We walked in a comfortable silence together, hand in hand. It felt so
good to just have that simple connection with her, even if my thoughts were
raging. If she asked me why I held her hand, should I answer honestly or play it
off? She didn't seem to mind it. That had to be a good sign. What came next?

When we reached the tree she loosened her grip, so I released her hand and
immediately felt the loss in my chest. I handed her her bag with a nervous smile
and she beamed back at me.

"I brought pictures of my excavation!" she exclaimed. "I forgot about them
earlier when Jasper was here. Do you want to see?"

I grinned, my nerves loosening up as I still saw her for the best friend she'd
always been. There was just something extra there now, but it didn't mean I had
to lose what we already had.

"Let's see 'em."

She sat down in her spot, ripping through her bag quickly when I saw Ed laying
inside. Picking it up, I looked at it for the first time in several years.

"I remember this thing being a lot bigger," I marveled.

She giggled, taking it out of my hands. "He was. We've just grown into him, I
think."

"Why do you still bring it? We haven't used it in forever."

She shrugged, her cheeks dusting pink again. "I sleep with him at Charlie's. It's
hard to come here and only get to see you once."

It filled my whole chest with warmth to hear her say she missed me like that,
that she used my old baby blanket to keep her company when I couldn't, that she
was thinking of me as much as I was thinking of her.

"I know what you mean," I admitted softly. "It drives me crazy when I know
you're so close but I can't see you. One of these days I'm going to sneak in
through your window."

She laughed, folding it reverently and placing it back inside her pack.
"So…pictures?"

I nodded and she started flipping through them, showing me her dig. Once again,
she was in a tank top and short shorts, but I tried to focus on the smile on her
face rather than the way her shirt clung to her sweaty skin. I could see Riley and
a few other people I didn't recognize digging in the desert with her, but I was
doing okay with that…until the last one.

Bella, standing proudly and holding her trilobite in front of her, with Riley
standing next to her with his arm around her shoulders. My shoulders!

My stomach twisted and the ache became a burn, searing through my chest.

"Edward? What's wrong?" she asked, alarmed.

I rubbed my face harshly, willing the sting in my eyes to fade. When I'd
recovered enough to speak, I turned to look at Bella, who was watching me with
a mystified and worried expression.

"Is…is Riley your…boyfriend?" I choked out, trying to keep my voice as steady as
possible. If she didn't feel the same way about me, I would have to be happy for
her as her friend. Just a friend.

"What?" she asked, her tone giving nothing away. I met her eyes again, but I
could only see honest curiosity.

"You heard me," I whispered.

"I did, I just…No, he's not my boyfriend. I'm, uh…not quite his type," she
chuckled softly.

"How the hell could you not be his type?" I asked in disbelief. I felt wildly
protective of her and her feelings. If she liked him and he hurt her, I'd pummel
him. "Whose type isn't smart, sweet and beautiful?"

"You think I'm beautiful?" she gasped.

"Did he hurt you?" I asked angrily.

"No!" she shook her head furiously. "Edward…Riley is gay. He, uh…he actually
thinks you're really handsome."

All my indignant fury left me in a whoosh as my ears burned in embarrassment.
"Oh."

I watched her keep her eyes trained on her lap where she was twisting her
hands. "I, uh…I agree with him. I mean, I think you are too," she whispered, her
cheeks bright red.

My jaw dropped. I'd asked for it last night. I just needed one sign from her and I
would go for it, all the way. This was it.

Gulping, I reached over and stilled her hands, holding them in mine. "Bella. Look
at me."

Her eyes darted to mine, searching and embarrassed. Smiling gently, I reached
up to feel if her cheek was warmer where the blush was, if the skin there was as
soft as her hands. It was even better than I'd thought it would be.

"I know that you're beautiful," I said softly, but seriously. "Inside and out. And I
like you. A lot."

"You mean like…" she trailed off, her tone questioning. She was really going to
make me spell it out.

"I like like you, Bella. And the reason I got so upset about Riley was because I
was afraid he might be to you what I want to be. I…I want to be your boyfriend,"
I breathed, watching her closely. "I want to be the only one who gets to hold
your hand and wrap an arm around your shoulders. A-a-and hug you and kiss
you."

"I want that too," she whispered, visibly swallowing. "You're the only one I could
ever want like that."

Trying not to grin like an idiot while my heart pounded in my chest, I asked her.

"May I kiss you, Bella?"

Her eyes immediately went to my lips and she nodded. Leaning forward slowly, I
tilted my head and Bella did the same, our lips meeting in the middle softly once.
I pulled back slowly to see Bella's eyes still closed, so I moved in again, pressing
more firmly this time. She made this breathy little sound into my mouth, so I
pushed a bit more before pulling back again.

This time, her eyes fluttered open and she gave me the most breathtakingly
beautiful smile ever.

"I don't think I ever want to stop doing that. Can we do it again?"

I laughed, pulling her in for another. And another. And then another. We kissed
the afternoon away, even progressing to making out. Bella's tongue in my mouth
I didn't mind. We learned our way around each other, through bumping noses
and clacking teeth. We'd stop every so often, for her to breathe and for me to will
away the painful throbbing down below that threatened to make a mess in my
pants.

I kept a respectable distance from her to prevent the mess from happening,
keeping her chest from touching mine. I knew the slightest brush of those against
me and I'd be done for. My shirt was long enough to hide it, so I just had to keep
my hands frozen on her hips to hold her in place. Which was difficult enough to
fight my own instincts, but I was fighting Bella's as well. My girl really liked to
kiss. Lucky for me she was great at it.

And I was the only one who would ever get to know that.

As night began to fall we slowly calmed to soft pecks. Eventually, we pulled apart
for her to lay her head on my shoulder, my arm wrapping around her shoulders
automatically.

"For so long, you weren't a girl to me," I thought aloud, staring at the misty
orange sun.

"I know what you mean," Bella replied softly. "You were never a boy, you were
just Edward. It was a big adjustment when I realized I liked you, after I already
loved you for seven years."

"Exactly," I laughed. "It feels the same, but different, too."

"Either way, I'll always love you, boy."

"And I'll always love you, girl."

The sun slipped down the sky and there was no wish to make. It already came
true.

Thank you for giving me the sign.

And now what do we do?

I want to see

As you are now

Every single day

That I am living

9.

It had been next to impossible to let her go that day, knowing I wouldn't get the
chance to kiss her, hug her, or hold her hand again for an entire year. I'd missed
her instantly, more intensely than even that first year when I didn't know if I'd
ever see her again. My dad insisted that my new cell phone was for emergencies
only, so I wouldn't be hearing her voice again for another year as well.

E_C620 writes: Tell me when it changed for you.

B_Swan913 writes: What?

E_C620 writes: When you liked me.

B_Swan913 writes: Oh. Mallory the Molester.

E_C620 writes: LOL! Now I'll think that when I see her. Why?

B_Swan913 writes: B/C I wanted it to be me

E_C620 writes: You wanted to attack me?

B_Swan913 writes: No, idiot. Your first kiss.

E_C620 writes: You were!

B_Swan913 writes: No. She was.

E_C620 writes: No, she wasn't. No lips touched.

B_Swan913 writes: *scoffs*

B_Swan913 writes: How is that possible?

E_C620 writes: I was staring at her and my mouth was open. She went in tongue
first and then I ran away. You were my first. And second. And third…

B_Swan913 writes: Ok, ok. I get the picture.

B_Swan913 writes: Me too.

E_C620 writes: What? Your first?

B_Swan913 writes: Yeah.

E_C620 writes: Good. I want to be your only.

B_Swan913 writes: You are.

B_Swan913 writes: I have to go. Dinnertime.

E_C620 writes: K. I love you girl.

B_Swan913 writes: I love you boy xoxo

B_Swan913 has logged off.

B_Swan913 has logged on.

B_Swan913 writes: And don't think you don't have to tell me when it changed for
you too.

B_Swan913 writes: Ok now I'm really gone. xx

B_Swan913 has logged off.

The warning was good at least. I would need some time to come up with an
appropriate response that didn't involve me disclosing my multiple trips per day
to the bathroom. At least I seemed to be gaining better control over those issues.

The rest of the summer passed with tons of IM chats, emails and the occasional
letter, snail-mail style. She'd told me how much she liked getting to have
something to hold in her hands from me and I wouldn't admit it for fear of
sounding too girly, but I did too. As we neared our first day of high school, I
couldn't help but be a little worried. A year was such a long time to go without
any physical contact and she was going to a big school with a lot of boys.

According to her, she said that wasn't an issue, because a) kissing held no appeal
without me, an admission that made me very happy to hear in a caveman sort of
way, and b) because there was absolutely nobody even remotely interested in her
down in Phoenix.

That I had a little more trouble believing. She argued that her high school was as
large as the entire population of Forks, therefore allowing her to fade into the
background unnoticed. She had no idea what she was talking about. She was
beautiful, smart, kind, loyal, loving…the list of positive attributes was endless. I
knew intuitively that she wasn't perfect, but she was just about as close to it as a
human being could be. That kind of person didn't fade into anything, they shined.

She didn't seem as worried, so I tried not to be a completely jealous freak. Of
course, her complacency might have had something to do with the fact that
everyone in Forks High still thought I was gay. Or at least, they did until it
became very clear that Jasper wasn't.

"You hear about the new kid?" Jasper asked as we sat down at the only empty
table left in the cafeteria.

"Just that one was coming," I shrugged, right as somebody sat down with a bang
of their tray beside me. Bewildered, I turned and then…looked down. Wow, she
was short. And very colorful. The three different patterns on her outfit were
making me a little dizzy.

"Hi! I'm Alice Brandon and I just started today. I'm from Mississippi and I love
your sweater. That shirt would look great with a tie, but either way, you totally
own geek chic, but I mean that in a totally nice way."

All this was said in one breath. A little amused but still a little afraid, I nodded in
thanks.

"Edward Cullen."

Geek chic? I would have to Google this. Or ask Bella. Before I had a chance to
respond, the jock squad showed up, followed closely behind by their female
groupies to warn her away from our existence, in part because we were 'queer'
and in part because we were 'geeks-slash-losers-slash-snobs.' Jasper looked like
he wanted the cafeteria floor to open up and swallow him whole while I just
glared at them, but Alice stood up in all of her three-foot tall glory and shoved a
finger right in Mike Newton's face.

"Look fuckwad, I don't know who you think you are, but I have zero patience for
homophobic, juiced-up jock straps like you. So how's about you take your little
gang of cronies and your Stepford wives-in-training and go play chicken with a
train?"

She didn't even wait for him to respond, just turned her back on him and sat
back down beside me. Mike gaped like a fish for a minute, not even realizing that
the rest of his crew had scattered like cockroaches the second Alice said
'fuckwad.' I barked out a laugh at the look on his face and that snapped him out
of it, but not enough to make a retort. He just stalked away to his table where
the rest of his friends were already seated.

"Wow," Jasper breathed, staring at Alice in awe.

Alice cocked her head at him and then looked back at me, pursing her lips.
"Okay, so I don't care either way, but are you guys really gay? Because I usually
have excellent gaydar and I'm just not feeling that from either of you at all. That
Asian kid behind the leader was ringing all kinds of bells, but from you guys, I get
nothing."

I laughed, shaking my head. "Well, I don't know about Eric, but speaking for
Jasper and myself, no, we are not gay. I have a girlfriend who lives in Arizona."

"Aww," she sighed, resting her hand on her chin. "That is so sweet. I bet that's
hard."

"I don't have a girlfriend!" Jasper blurted out of nowhere, making both of us snap
our heads toward him. Alice barely contained an amused smile and arched her
eyebrow at him.

"Well? Are you going to keep me waiting?" she asked sweetly, leaning forward
slightly toward him.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" he asked immediately, his voice cracking slightly on
the 'girl' part.

She sat back and grinned before jumping up and around the table to sit beside
him. Leaning over, she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I thought you'd never
ask."

"Wow." Now it was my turn to be inarticulate.

Jasper seemed to snap out of his Alice-induced trance and remember my
presence, grinning sheepishly at me. Alice just reached over and slid her tray
across the table to place in front of her. Lifting up her soda can, she announced a
toast.

"To us. It's gonna be an awesome freshman year."

And it kind of was. Mostly. The only problems that surfaced were the return of
Lauren and Jessica out to get me, and an issue of my own making. Lauren and
Jessica were annoying, but easily distracted by the jocks or scared away by Alice.
The real problem was fairly basic.

I was jealous, plain and simple. Of my own best friend. And not for Alice, because
she held absolutely no appeal for me. It was of the two of them, together.
Holding hands together in the hall, hugging before and after each class, using our
study hours as make-out sessions…they could do all that whenever they wanted
to. And it wasn't like they were trying to rub it in my face. They'd catch
themselves all the time, usually when I'd try to slip out of the room while they
were kissing or getting lost in each other's eyes or whatever, but they'd apologize
every time and that only made me feel worse. They weren't doing anything
wrong; they were just getting to do everything I wished I could do with Bella.

They tried to include me, but I'd rather have been at home alone than the third
wheel on their study dates. Alice always gave me a hug goodbye too, but it didn't
bring the same comfort as Bella's hugs. She made Jasper come over once a week
to mess around on our instruments or play some video games, and it wasn't like
he resented spending the time with me, but I knew he'd rather be with Alice. I
didn't blame him. If Bella lived here, I didn't think I'd ever come up for air.

They were still my friends; I just had a lot more time to myself now. So I checked
out some books on music theory from the school's library and decided to try my
hand at composing. That was like a whole new world opened up for me. I'd love
to say I was one of those people that just sat down and wrote a sonata, but it
didn't quite work like that. Still, I was good enough to feel proud and wonder if I
might need to add composer to my list of possible career options. My mom would
never let me be a racecar driver anyway.

The one thing that tore at me was the worry over Bella feeling the same
loneliness as me. She spoke often of missing me, but never mentioned the desire
to attend school dances or parties. Did that mean she really didn't want to go, or
did she just not want me to feel guilty? I hated the idea that being with me might
be costing her experiences she would resent me for later. All I wanted for her was
that she be happy. I was honest and selfish enough to admit that I wanted it to
be with me, but could I be selfless enough to let her go if she wasn't?

With a heavy heart and hand one day, I wrote out my feelings and worries to her
in a letter and sent it to her. The week after I sent it flew by as the school year
drew to a close. I hadn't really had my eye on the mailbox, since I assumed she
would reply the same way and it would be another week before I heard back from
her about it. I didn't mention it in our daily emails. I was so incredibly anxious to

hear her response to my worries. A huge part of me just wanted her to lay them
to rest and tell me everything would be fine, but a small part of me was bracing
myself for the worst. Either way, I was surprised when she was online when I got
home that day, waiting for me to respond via IM.

B_Swan913 writes: Are you there?

B_Swan913 writes: I'm not getting off of here until you talk to me

B_Swan913 writes: Still waiting. You should be home from school by now.

B_Swan913 writes: Are you ignoring me?

E_C620 writes: Hey. Just got home. What's up?

B_Swan913 writes: What's up? You tell me. Did you just break up with me in a
letter?

E_C620 writes: NO! How could you think that?

B_Swan913 writes: "I'll always be your friend." "I want you to be happy."

B_Swan913 writes: WTF?

E_C620 writes: But I didn't mean I only want to be your friend. And I DO want
you to be happy. But if I don't make you happy then I want to always be your
friend.

B_Swan913 writes: So what you really mean is that YOURE not happy and it's too
hard for you but you'd rather put it on me?

E_C620 writes: NO! It's not too hard for me and I am happy with you. I miss you
like crazy all the time and the thought of being w/o you makes my heart hurt

B_Swan913 writes: Oh. So you just think you care for me more than I care for
you?

E_C620 writes: NO! OMG Where are you getting this?

B_Swan913 writes: I'm getting this from your breakup letter that's not really a
breakup letter and the fact that somewhere along the way you decided that I
don't need you just as much as you need me.

B_Swan913 writes: You're putting your worries on me when I've never given you
any reason to think I care about stupid dances or any of that shit.

E_C620 writes: I'm sorry.

B_Swan913 writes: For?

E_C620 writes: For confusing you into thinking that was a breakup letter and
making you upset

B_Swan913 writes: You have no idea why I'm upset do you?

E_C620 writes: Not really, no.

E_C620 writes: Please don't be mad at me

E_C620 writes: Kitten…

B_Swan913 writes: I'm upset because you don't trust me

B_Swan913 writes:Are you still there?

E_C620 writes: Yeah. Thinking.

E_C620 writes: Ok. I don't get it. How don't I trust you?

B_Swan913 writes: OMG Because you don't trust me to tell you if I'm upset or
unhappy. And it sounded like in your breakup letter that's not really a breakup
letter that you were deciding to let me go despite my feelings.

B_Swan913 writes: You don't get to choose for me. That's not fair.

E_C620 writes: Oh. I'm sorry.

B_Swan913 writes: Do you get it or are you just saying that?

E_C620 writes: No. I get it. I'm so sorry. I won't do it again.

B_Swan913 writes: I'm sorry you didn't think you could talk to me about this.

E_C620 writes: No. Don't be sorry. I should know better. You're my Bella.

B_Swan913 writes: And you're my Dickward.

E_C620 writes: *snorts* Dickward?

B_Swan913 writes: That's what I've decided to call you when you make me mad
and/or are being stupid.

E_C620 writes: Yes kitten. Should I just change my name now permanently?

B_Swan913 writes: Don't do that. This IS hard.

E_C620 writes: I know. I miss you so much.

B_Swan913 writes: Me too. All the time. I love you boy.

E_C620 writes: I love you girl. Always.

B_Swan913 writes: xoxoxo

E_C620 writes: One more

B_Swan913 writes: xo

E_C620 writes: one more

I begged her for one more for over an hour, repeatedly. Finally, she had to go
finish her homework, but for the first time in days, I felt light. I felt happy. I still
missed her, but I knew she'd be here soon and this time, I had plans to see her
more than once. I might die in the process, either from breaking my neck on her
tree or from the Chief's shotgun, but it would be worth it. If this year had taught
me anything, it was that one day just wasn't enough anymore.

.

With the addition of Alice, my fifteenth birthday party was…interesting. She'd
insisted on decorating my whole house with streamers and balloons until I
thought I'd be finding confetti in my hair for the next year. She was a wild blur of

color and laughter around the house, followed closely by my mom, who I was
pretty sure was in love with her. Emmett probably would've laughed at it all if
Alice hadn't threatened to kick his ass if he ruined my birthday. It was more than
a little bit funny to watch four-foot-eleven-inch Alice make six-foot-one Emmett
go pale. He was ridiculously tall for a human being, let alone a tenth grader.

She was a force to be reckoned with. Luckily for Jasper and me, she was on our
side most of the time. At my request, she'd picked out my outfit for the next day
so I could look good for Bella. She wanted to meet Bella desperately, but Jasper
was able to beg her off. At this point, I was ready to burst. I couldn't even
imagine having to share a single minute of my time with Bella with anyone else.

That was how I found myself, after two sessions in the shower, pacing in the
front entryway of my house in a button-down shirt, skinny black tie and jeans,
waiting for her dad to drop her off.

"Finally," I breathed, ignoring Emmett grumbling behind me as he stumbled down
the stairs half awake. I threw open the front door and ran out to her, exhaling in
happy relief as soon as my arms were around her. Finally. Mindful of her dad
watching us, I whispered into her hair. "I missed you so much."

Her voice was thick with emotion as she squeezed me back ever so slightly. "You
have no idea."

Pulling back from her a tiny bit, I pushed her hair out of her face to really get a
good look at her. She had only gotten more beautiful. Somehow, she remained
untouched by the Phoenix sun, year after year as pale as ever. I noticed that she
didn't blush as I looked her over, a change. Her eyes flicked every three seconds
to my lips, letting me know we were on the same wavelength there.

She half-heartedly waved goodbye to Charlie, who climbed back into his cruiser
mumbling something that sounded like pepper spray before pulling away. I
wasn't sure how long I held her in the driveway just staring at her. Over the year
we wrote often enough to know pretty much everything going on in each other's
lives, so there wasn't a need to fill the silence. We shared plenty of pictures too,
but to be able to see her and touch her in person, especially touch her…

It had been so long. It felt like I needed to rememorize every inch of her. Her
waist still fit between my hands, her hips not quite. Her skin was just as soft, but
she smelled even better than I remembered. Her hair was longer and her face a
little less round, but her lips…I lifted my hand to run my thumb over them, her
bottom first and then her top, feeling my face mirror the smile she gave as I did
so.

"That tickles," she whispered, her breath tickling my thumb and making me grin
wider.

"I just need to do one thing," I whispered back.

She blinked, breaking the spell between us and cocking her head in question.
With a whoop, I picked her up easily around her waist and swung her around and
around.

"You're heeeeeeeere!" I shouted. She squealed and laughed, yelling at me not to
drop her.

"I'm too heavy for this stuff anymore, Edward!"

"Yeah, right. My backpack weighs more than you. Don't they feed you down there
in Arizona?" I teased as rain started to fall. I set her down, intent on giving her at
least one quick kiss before running inside, but my mom appeared in the doorway
then, yelling for us to come in before we caught a cold. Disappointed, I started to
walk inside when I felt her tug on my sleeve.

I turned and was met with her lips, quick but firm. All I wanted was to pull her
back for more, but I could feel my parents' eyes on me from inside the house.
And sure enough, they were right by the dining room window when we came
inside. My mom looked excited, my dad just mouthed 'nursery ward' at me. Bella
froze as she walked into the kitchen, looking around bewilderedly.

"Edward," she whispered under her breath. "It looks like a party store threw up in
here."

"Alice," I grimaced, loosening my tie a bit to make it more comfortable, which
made her notice it for the first time.

"Hey. You have a…wow. Um…you look great," she mumbled, her cheeks pink. I
tried to hide my smug smile and took her by the hand to the table.

"Alice," I grinned, but then thought better of it. "But I asked her to. I wanted…to
look nice for you."

To my surprise, Bella rolled her eyes and snorted. "Right. Because you're not one
of those people that could wear a potato sack and still look like a model or
anything."

I laughed and shook my head. "I think you've got us confused."

And then she frowned, going silent. The only times I had ever seen Bella go silent
in my life, I could probably count on one hand and they had been for two reasons
only. Either she was mad, or upset and possibly about to cry. I wanted to ask her
what was wrong, but my whole family was in the kitchen by then eating
breakfast. She masked whatever was wrong quickly, making small talk with
Emmett about baseball and asking my mom about her waffle recipe. I didn't
forget about that look on her face, though. We would be talking about that.

After breakfast we decided to hang out in my room for awhile since it was
storming pretty heavily outside at the moment. My dad stopped me on the way
upstairs and told me, loud enough for Bella to hear, to leave the door open. I
rolled my eyes and Bella blushed, but we agreed easily. And I did leave it open,
halfway.

"Alright, spill it," I demanded as soon as she was settled on my bed. That wasn't
going to work. Much too distracting. Roughly sixty-eight percent of my fantasies
involving Bella were on that bed. "After you move to the desk chair."

She wrinkled her nose and eyebrows at me curiously, not moving. Oh God, what
were we about to talk about?

"I don't want to move. We always sit together here," she argued.

Closing my eyes and fisting my hands to regain some control, because I was
pretty sure there was at least one fantasy that involved us arguing and then me
attacking her for really hot makeup sex, I took some deep breaths. Seriously, I
knew we needed to talk about something…

Sitting down in my desk chair, I leaned over with my elbows on my knees and
watched her closely. "Why'd you get upset downstairs?"

"I didn't get upset downstairs," she lied, and badly at that.

"Bella…" I warned.

"Edward…" she mocked back.

"That's it," I huffed, leaping at her from the chair and tackling her on the bed,
tickling her without mercy. "I won't stop 'til you tell me!"

"Stop! Stop!" she laughed, slapping at my hands and twisting around. I pinned
her with my body weight, instantly snapping me back to why we shouldn't have
been on a bed together in the first place. Because we were lined up just right and
her squirming was rubbing against me. I was instantly hard and she froze.

"Is that…" she whispered, not finishing but glancing down at what we both knew
it was.

"It's involuntary," I blurted out, and her face fell.

"Right," she mumbled, sliding out from underneath me and sitting up against my
headboard.

"What? What did I say now?"

"Nothing. I should have known…" she trailed off, looking anywhere but me.
Girlfriends needed to come with a manual and translator. If I could figure this
out, I'd be a millionaire.

"That's it. Get up," I ordered, discreetly adjusting myself as I stood and picked up
my backpack.

"What? Why?"

"We're going to our tree. It's the one place I know you'll talk to me," I said firmly,
holding my hand out for her. She glanced outside at the storm that was still going
strong, hesitating. "You can go willingly or be taken by force."

"Well, am I at least allowed to go the bathroom first?" she sighed in defeat.

Smirking, I tapped my watch. "Two minutes."

Fifteen minutes later we were at the tree, soaking wet and shivering. I pulled a
flannel blanket out from my backpack and wrapped it around us after we'd
assumed our positions against the trunk, thankfully protected by the thick
branches above us.

Deciding to break the ice, I went first. "I'm sorry if I upset you earlier…on the
bed. That was why I didn't want to sit with you on it. I don't want you to feel
pressure for us to do that."

"Is…is that something you want to do? With me?" she asked, her voice small and
uncertain.

I couldn't help it. I snorted. Loudly. But then I frowned, rethinking her words.
"What do you mean, with you? Who else could I possibly want to do that with?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "I mean, you said it was involuntary. I didn't know
if you wanted me like that."

"You're the only one I've ever wanted like that. When I said involuntary, I meant
the physical reaction to your body underneath me," I paused, trying to will away
the current involuntary reaction I was having discussing the earlier one. "I don't
react like that to just anyone, Bella. You're the only one I see."

"But why?" she prodded, her voice sounding urgent.

"What is this, Bella? Where is all this coming from? This doesn't sound like you," I
scowled, turning toward her for the first time. I was taken aback at the
heartbroken expression on her face. She looked like she was about to cry.

"My mom doesn't like that I'm with you," she whispered suddenly, after moments
of silence. "She thinks I'm going to get myself trapped here just like she did. She
keeps pushing me to date boys at my school and telling me I need to start
wearing makeup and she made me go shopping to buy all these short skirts and
stuff and I hate it so I won't wear any of it. She says she doesn't understand why
I won't even try to be pretty, because she thinks I could be if I just…" she burst
into tears then, and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into my lap to
rock her.

It would seem the cure to my body's reactions was to see her in distress. The
only thought I had in my mind was that my girl was crying and upset. I held her
until she quieted, sagging against me and feeling so small.

"I don't want this to offend you, but your mom can go fuck herself," I said
quietly, no small amount of anger begging to erupt from inside me. She inhaled
sharply, but that might have just been because she wasn't used to me using such
strong words. It was really Alice's fault. The girl cursed like a sailor.

"I think it's disgusting that she would regret even a single minute of her life in
Forks, because without it, she wouldn't have had you and you are spectacular in
every way. She's lucky to have you just as you are, because what you are is
just…everything. If I have to tell you every day for the rest of your life that you're
beautiful to get you to believe it, I will. Beautiful just like this. And I don't just
mean your mind or your soul, because those are beautiful too, but they just add
to everything else. You could be a total bitch and you'd still be gorgeous, though
I'm glad that you're not."

She giggled at that a little bit and I squeezed her tighter to me, some of my
anger receding as I felt her come back to me.

"I don't know if she's just jealous because you're young and naturally beautiful
and you've got your whole life ahead of you to do whatever you want to do, or if
she's just scared because she thinks I might in some way hold you back from any
of it. I'm not even going there, because I've got nothing to prove to her and
because if you don't know by now that I'll follow you to the ends of the earth or
wait for you to come back from them without me, then I've been doing something
wrong."

Sniffling, Bella pulled back to stare blankly at the rain dripping off the leaves
around us.

"She's my mom, and I love her, but she doesn't get me at all. And I know that,
like, kids always say that, but with her, I really believe that fundamentally we're
totally different people. She…she's been going through men like Kleenexes lately
and all I can think is…gross. To her, they're just things to play with and toss aside

when they're not fun anymore. I…I can't even comprehend that. And she can't
understand how I could possibly want to only have those experiences with just
one person, like I'm somehow missing out if I have all of my firsts be with
someone I want to also be my last."

I felt the last remnants of the sharp, icy anger in my chest melt into that warmth
that only she could bring as she spoke, even though I still wanted to slap her
mother for making Bella doubt herself. I also needed to remind my body not to
focus on the 'all of my firsts' part, but I was doing exceptionally well considering
she was still in my lap.

"Why do you stay with her, Bella? Surely you're old enough to choose. If you're
not ha-"

"I can't just abandon her!" she interrupted shrilly, her distress back tenfold. "She
can't even remember to pay the bills or take her birth control pill without me. I'm
the one that sets the alarm in the morning to get us both to work and school. I
don't know what would happen to her if I left her…"

"Okay, okay, shh, shh," I coaxed, curling my arms around her to soothe her. "It
was just a thought. I'm sorry. Don't get upset."

"Besides," she sniffled. "What if Charlie doesn't want me to come live with him?"

"How could you think that?" I asked, shocked.

"How could I not?" she shot back. "I've seen him once a year since my mom left
Forks. He always seems to like it when I'm here, but why hasn't he ever asked to
see me more? My birthdays, Christmas, it's always just a phone call. He's never
once said he wishes I lived with him.

"And if I don't ask," she continued in a whisper, "I can pretend that he does. But
if I ask and he says no…"

She started crying again and I kicked myself for asking such a selfish question.
Because while there was no doubt that I wanted Bella wherever she was happy,
deep down I knew I wanted her here with me. I wished so badly I knew what to
say, but I didn't. I couldn't comprehend what it was like to have to pretty much
raise her own mom or to wonder whether or not her dad wanted her.

Since I had no words for her, I just didn't speak. Instead, we sat there with her
on my lap and I let her draw comfort from just feeling me there. I would always
be there for her. After awhile, I felt the need to turn the day around. If I only got
the one, I was going to make it count.

"Hey," I whispered, in case she had fallen asleep on my chest.

"What?" she asked, a smile in her voice as she heard the playful tone in mine.

"I know something that will cheer you up," I teased, letting it just hang in the air.

She sat up and looked me in the eye, a smile playing on her lips. She raised her
eyebrowsexpectantly.

"Sorry. Can't tell. It's a secret," I grinned, taken by surprise when she pinched
my sides.

"Tell me!" she laughed, wiping her face of the last remnants of her tears.

"I want to, I just…can't. Sorry," I pouted at her, making her roll her eyes.

"I bet I can make you tell me," she sang, her eyes full of happiness and a just a
touch of evil that had me a little worried.

I shook my head in cocky disbelief, watching her closely. She took one of my
hands into her lap and started ghosting circles on my palm and forearm, making
me shudder slightly. She kept her eyes on my hand, not even noticing, or at least
pretending not to. Slowly, she leaned her head down on my shoulder, her breath
tickling my neck.

"Edward?" she asked softly. I gulped and shut my eyes, trying to concentrate on
the semi starting to come to life directly underneath Bella.

"Hmm?" I strangled out, my voice cracking.

"You know I've been here for hours now. And you haven't kissed me yet. Don't
you want to kiss me, Edward?" she murmured right into the skin of my neck
before kissing it slowly, chastely, but that didn't mean shit to the semi that was
no longer a semi.

Slowly, she lifted her head up until her face was right in front of me. When I
leaned forward, she pulled back.

"Wh-"

"Tell me?" she asked innocently, licking her lips. My eyes zeroed in on the target.

"Huh?"

"Your secret?" she clarified gently. Confused, I looked up into her eyes.

"Secret?"

She frowned playfully and nodded, waiting.

"I have no idea."

She started to laugh, but I cut her off with my lips firm on hers, my hand holding
the back of her head to keep her where I'd needed her for the last year. My other
arm was wrapped completely around her waist, pressing her entire upper body
against me. God, she was so soft.

God, I was so hard. In an attempt to keep from embarrassing myself and making
a mess, I took the forgotten blanket from beneath us and laid it out on the
ground. Sliding her off my lap, I laid down beside her, somehow resisting the
urge to grind against her. She had other ideas when she started moving her hips
near mine seeking friction.

Needing to slow us down, I struggled to think of anything other than the way her
breasts felt pressed against me. Wrenching back, I panted out.

"Leave your window open when you get back from your camping trip."

Startled, her eyes blinked open, unfocused.

I kissed her incoherent. King!

"What?"

Smiling, I spoke slowly just to irritate her. "Keep. Your. Window. Open."

Confused, she shook her head. "Wha-No! Edward, you can't! You'll be grounded
forever!"

"So? I don't ever go anywhere anyway."

"But what if they ground you from the computer?" she pointed out, thinking she
had me beat. Unbeknownst to her, I'd thought this over thoroughly.

"I have stamps stockpiled in my desk drawer. If I have to resort to snail-mail for
awhile, so be it. I am seeing you again before you leave. One day just isn't
enough," I finished softly. If she really didn't want me to come, I wouldn't, but…

"Okay," she whispered nervously before sucking her bottom lip into her mouth
and biting down. New.

Pulling it out before she could draw blood, I gave her a quick kiss and smiled.
"Yeah?"

She smiled back, uncertain but excited. "Yeah."

And that was that. Just the knowledge that I would get to see her again before
she had to leave was enough to make the rest of the day completely carefree. We
laughed through lunch, kissed through the afternoon, chased each other across
the field to sneak inside Newton's for a bathroom break and then swapped stories
about our crazy friends until sunset.

"Oh, holy shit! I almost forgot!" I exclaimed, reaching over for my bag.

"You have gotten the filthiest mouth over the last year!" she laughed, her eyes
wide as she shook her head at me.

"Does it offend you?" I grimaced, feeling less than gentlemanly.

"Oh God. Are you kidding?" she snickered. "Riley's sister Bree likes to take words
and just add 'fuck' to the beginning. She's practically got her own language.
According to them, you are fuckhot."

My hands stilled in my bag as my jaw dropped. "I'm sorry? Fuckhot? I don't recall
seeing that one in Webster's."

"Oh, you didn't know?" she joked. "There's a picture of you in there and
everything."

I rolled my eyes, trying to find that stupid knife. I lifted it up and Bella looked at
it curiously. Smiling, I reached over to the trunk and very carefully carved a heart
around our initials before tossing it back into my bag. She beamed at me,
launching herself at me and sending us both to the ground. With me underneath
her, she laid her head down on my chest above my heart.

"This isn't how we're supposed to be," I pointed out.

"Are you incapable of making a wish lying down?" she snarked. Narrowing my
eyes at her even though she couldn't see me, I pushed myself off the ground,
sitting her next to me easily. With my arm thrown around her shoulders, she
reached up to thread her fingers with mine.

"Is this acceptable?" she mocked. I rolled my eyes, leaning over to kiss her
temple. She pressed into it slightly, resting her head on my shoulder when I
pulled away.

"You're lucky I love you," I sighed, pretending to be exasperated with her.

"I know," she replied back quietly.

Frowning, I nudged her chin up to make her look at me.

"I'm lucky you love me," I said seriously.

Her eyes dancing, she nodded. "I know."

Grinning, I let her lay her head back down to make our wish. I really hoped she
was wishing for the same thing as me.

Please don't let me get caught-slash-die.

Here's hoping.

Worry not

Everything is sound

This is the safest place

You've found

10.

It was official. Becoming the next James Bond was now added to my list of
possible career options, taking over the racecar driver spot. I had survived!

Bike tires, pumped. Chain, greased. All black outfit, on. Bed stuffed with pillows,
done. Emmett, paid off. Gotta remember to skip the third step from the bottom
or it'll creak.

I slipped out the back door in the kitchen silently, creeping around the house to
get my bike. I walked it down my driveway as quietly as possible, waiting at the
edge to make sure no lights came on inside my house. When I was satisfied my
parents hadn't woken, I hopped on and rode over to Bella's, parking it in the
trees behind her house. My palms started sweating as soon as I saw the cruiser
in the driveway and I walked a large circle around the house to check for lights or
any sign of an awake and armed Chief.

The only light on was a small lamp from inside Bella's room on the second story,
next to the tree of doom. I'd really thought there were more branches lower to
the ground. Her window was open, the curtains blowing in the wind. My heartbeat
raced at the thought of getting to see her again, pushing aside the pain that I
knew was coming when she left tomorrow. I swallowed my nerves and jumped
up, grabbing a hold of a branch with both my hands. Ignoring the scrape of the
bark against my palms, I swung myself up as noiselessly as possible.

Not completely noiselessly though, because Bella appeared in the window. She
shook her head in shock, even though a smile was spreading across her face.

"I can't believe you really came!" she whispered.

"Shh!" I hissed back. "I don't want to get shot."

She smirked, zipping her lips and then crossing her arms. Oh my God, she was in
a tank top and apparently no bra. Oh shit, I almost fell. Shaking my head to clear
it, I resumed my climbing, scaling the branches easier the higher up I went.

"Do I have to quote the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet to get in?" I joked
quietly, motioning for her to step back so I could come in.

She frowned playfully, pretending to think it over for a minute before she stepped
back with a smile to let me in. Doing my best not to look down and freak out, I
kept one hand on the branch above me and reached my other out to use her
windowsill and hoist myself inside.

"Too young to die, too young to die," I chanted under my breath. Bella clapped a
hand over her mouth to keep from giggling, her other reached toward me to offer
assistance. I landed inside hard, but silently. Confused, I looked down only to
dart my eyes back up to Bella, who was grinning.

"I thought you might need a cushion," she whispered, glancing down at the
pillows she'd laid on the floor beneath her window.

"I think I might owe you my life," I grinned, pulling her into my arms for a hug.

"How're you going to repay me?" she asked playfully.

I grinned, squeezing her tighter to me. "Hugs…" I pulled back, taking her face
into my hands and kissing her gently. "Kisses…" Reaching down, I lifted her into
my arms bridal-style. "Undying devotion…"

She laughed silently, shaking her head at me. "So what did you have planned for
tonight?"

"I don't care," I answered honestly. "I can hold you until you fall asleep or we can
talk until the sun comes up. Do wishes only work at sunset?"

"I'm not sure," she frowned. "Ninny never said."

I set her down and she pulled me to her bed, sitting down and crisscrossing her
legs. I followed her lead, finding it fairly easy to not focus on how short her
shorts were by keeping an ear out for the Chief's snores coming from down the
hall. We talked for hours, her filling me in on her camping and fishing trip, me
about absolutely nothing at all. I wouldn't have cared if she wanted to read me a
textbook; I just wanted to hear her voice. I would miss it so much. When she
started to yawn, I realized how late it had gotten.

"I should go so you can sleep," I offered half-heartedly.

"No," she shook her head stubbornly. "I can sleep on the plane tomorrow. Stay,
please. Unless you're tired…"

"Bella, if you think there is even the slightest chance I could fall asleep here
knowing the amount of firearms your father has access to, you're not as smart as
I thought," I smirked, catching her hand when she tried to smack me.

"Oh, Dickward came out to play!" she sneered, tugging us both to lay down. I
settled myself against the headboard, not wanting to get too comfortable. I really
was too young to die. She looked up at me, her eyes soft. "Kiss me goodnight?"

I gulped when I looked down, because at this angle I could see straight down her
shirt. And she was most definitely not wearing a bra. My mouth suddenly felt dry
and I couldn't swallow.

"I think you're really overestimating the limits of my self-control, Bella."

"What do you me-…Oh. I'm, uh, I'm not really ready for that with you, Edward,"
she said shyly.

Mindful of her fragile self-esteem, I smiled gently at her and chose my words
carefully. "I love you. I want you. But not right now. I just mean that if we start
kissing, in a bed no less, my brain might lose control over the rest of my body
and I don't ever want to lose control with you and make you uncomfortable.

"And as much as it pains me to agree with my dad on anything, I know we're too
young. I also couldn't stand the thought of doing something like that with you
and then having to say goodbye after. If that means I have to wait until we go to
college together, then fine. I'll survive."

"You think about going to college with me?" she asked softly, smiling brightly.

"You don't?" I asked, surprised and a little hurt.

"No, of course I do! I just…I know you want Stanford, and…I guess I can't
imagine leaving Renee," she admitted sadly.

I sighed, because I did really want Stanford, but I wanted Bella too. Renee Swan
nee Higginbotham was really not one of my favorite people. Because I happened
to know for a fact Bella wanted Stanford, too. And she was going to end up
holding Bella back in life the same way she felt Bella held her back, because she
was too selfish and Bella was too selfless.

"You have to sometime," I said softly, trying not to start a fight. "I don't want our
last night to be sad. Not when I risked life and limb for it."

She smiled, our worries forgotten for now. "Just one kiss?"

"I can do that. I did promise payment, after all."

I kissed her softly and slowly, never letting it deepen too much, but poured every
ounce of love I felt for her into it. She pulled back eventually, laying her head
down and falling asleep almost instantly. I knew I couldn't stay much longer, but
I couldn't bring myself to leave yet. After awhile, she rolled over onto me,
splayed out across my chest.

"Edward."

"Yeah?" I'd thought she was asleep.

"Fish ate my worm. I need my book."

What?

Craning my neck around to get a look at her, her eyes were shut and her
breathing was still even. Was she sleep-talking?

"Bella? Are you awake?"

"My Edward. Stupid cactus."

I struggled to stay still as laughter threatened to burst out. What the hell was she
dreaming about? I couldn't believe I didn't know this about her, but it wasn't like
I'd ever gotten to watch her sleep before. I wondered if she knew. She would for
sure be embarrassed if I razzed her for it. Which I planned to.

I could feel my eyelids growing heavy and knew I needed to go before I
accidentally fell asleep. Slipping out from underneath her carefully, she still
stirred once I was no longer holding her. Looking around, I noticed Ed at the foot
of the bed and grabbed it, placing it inside her searching fingers. She pulled it to
her instantly, breathing deeply and calming. I swallowed the lump in my throat
and leaned down, kissing her gently on the forehead once more.

"I love you, girl."

.

The only thing that got me through the rest of the summer was driver's ed. I
loved to drive. My parents took turns teaching me until my mom said she couldn't
take my lead foot anymore. My dad said I was better than Emmett, but seeing as
Emmett had already lost his license because of too many speeding tickets, I
wasn't sure how to take that. Whatever. I was an excellent driver. A natural,
even.

The other interesting development was my need to shave. I'd been getting stray
patches of scruff for awhile now, but by the time tenth grade was in session, I
had to get up a full fifteen minutes earlier to shave off a full face of it. I wasn't
sure how I felt about that. I missed those fifteen minutes of sleep. They were
important.

The year started off much the same way last year ended, with Jasper and Alice
always connected at either the hand or mouth, and me trailing behind. Over the
summer, Jessica and Lauren had paired themselves up with Mike and Tyler,
keeping stalkers and jocks alike off my back. That was a relief. However, in the
midst of all this coupling around me, it made me miss Bella even more.

After some shameless begging to my mom and solemn promising to my dad, I
was allowed to get an afterschool job. The deal was, if I kept my grades up while
working and paid them fifty dollars a month, I could use my cell phone whenever
I wanted, except after ten on school nights. And my cell phone had free long
distance.

"Hello?"

"Bella?"

"Edward?"

"Hi!"

Why could I not say more than one word at a time?

"Hi! How are you calling me?"

"The phone is an amazing invention, Bella."

Silence.

"Kitten?"

"Yes, Dickward?"

"My parents gave me permission. I can call you whenever I want now."

"Oh my God! Are you serious? That is so awesome! Why did they change their
mind?"

"I got a job afterschool. I'm bagging groceries at Ron's. It's the only place that'll
hire anybody under eighteen, but it's not too bad. Three days a week for a couple
of hours and it pays enough for my phone bill."

Silence. I checked my phone. I still had four bars.

"Bella?"

"Did you get a job just so you could talk to me?"

"Of course. I would do anything for you, Bella."

More silence. Then sniffles.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah…I just…nobody's ever…thank you, Edward."

"Thank me? You think I didn't do this for me too? I needed your voice, Bella."

"Still…I don't want to argue. I miss you, boy."

"Every day, girl."

We talked almost daily. Ironically, on the days I worked at the job I got to pay
the phone bill, I didn't have time to talk to her. As soon as I got off of work, my
dad would pick me up, let me drive home, and then it was a rush to eat dinner so
I could get my homework done before bed. But even on those days, there would
always be some small note from her, either on email or IM, telling me she was
thinking of me, or missing me, or that she loved me. At least once a month I sat
down and actually wrote her a letter, and she did the same. There was just
something about holding that piece of paper in my hand and seeing her
handwriting. I'd never told her, but I kept all her letters in a box under my bed,
even the ones from when we were little, tucked away with that little blue rubber
band.

Just being able to hear her voice was enough to soothe the ache in my chest,
enough to make my steps lighter and my mood happier. I would be at the
lunchroom table and find myself laughing, remembering some small thing she'd
said the night before, and Jasper would just nod his head in understanding. He'd
told me he didn't know how I did it, being away from her for so long at a time. To
him, Alice was his Bella, and he couldn't imagine going without seeing her for a
day. Alice just wanted to get to meet the girl that made me so happy.

That was how I found myself nervous and pacing, waiting for Bella to arrive the
day after my sixteenth birthday. I wasn't nervous because she was coming, I was
nervous because Alice had decided to throw a dual sixteenth birthday party for
myself and Bella. She thought it was a tragedy that we'd never gotten to spend
our birthdays with each other and she was dead set on at least creating the
illusion of it, even though Bella wouldn't turn sixteen until September. She'd
begged to throw a full-fledged party that evening, but I'd been adamant that that
was our time and wouldn't budge. Besides, I had plans.

So she'd settled on a 'Sweet Sixteen Breakfast Birthday Feast' instead, getting
my mom on board to help her decorate the backyard and cook up a giant meal
for the four of us. The 'cake' was a giant pancake with sixteen little candles on
top, and was placed next to a small stack of presents for Bella and myself.

One important detail about this party? Bella had no idea. It was to be a complete
surprise. So not only would Bella be meeting Alice for the first time, which she

was already a little nervous about, she would also be walking into an ambush any
minute completely unaware.

It was quite possible I would die a virgin and never see seventeen.

"Jasper, please. Talk some sense into your woman," I begged. "She's talking
crazy."

"Hey! His 'woman' is standing right here and can hear you, you know! What is the
point of planning a surprise party, but then telling the person before they walk
in?" Alice snapped, tapping her orange shoe on the ground. Always the artist, she
was currently in an Andy Warhol phase. Today, she was dressed in more colors
than a painter's palette.

"Because I don't think you're looking at this from all sides, Alice," I sighed. "How
would you feel if you were already nervous about meeting someone for the first
time and then, on top of that, you were pushed into the spotlight when you don't
like attention? Bella. Is. Shy, Alice. I explained the definition of this word to you.
Remember?"

"I know! That's why we're having a simple breakfast instead of the party. All I'm
saying is, is that we should still yell surprise when she gets here! That way she
knows it's all for her…and you," she waved me off as an afterthought, making me
roll my eyes. "You were all for this idea, Edward. Don't get all nervous at the last
minute and then freak out on me."

"Yes, Alice. I think the four of us having breakfast together is a good idea. I like
that I'll get to see her open up her birthday presents in person for once. But not.
once. did I ever say that I wanted to pop out from under a table and scream
surprise in my girlfriend's face!"

"You are being such a little bitch about this, Edward," she sighed, shaking her
head.

From behind me, I heard Jasper speak, but I was too busy having a stare-down
of epic proportions with Alice.

"We could just leave and come back. They do this all the time. They could be at it
for awhile."

"No, this is fun. I wish I had some popcorn," Bella's soft voice answered.

I whirled around, shocked to find her sitting next to Jasper watching the 'Alice
and Edward Show.' She started laughing at the look on my face and I snapped
out of my stupor, running over to her and picking her up out of her chair to swing
her around.

Overcome with emotion, I set her back on her feet and cradled her face gently.
"You're really here," I mused aloud.

Her eyes drifted shut as I pressed a kiss to her forehead, then both her eyelids,
followed by the tip of her nose and both her cheeks, until finally I found her lips. I
had to stifle a moan as her hands crept up my back, the heat of her palms
burning me through my shirt as she pressed me to her. I couldn't get close
enough to her, letting one on my hands slide down to the small of her back to
bind her to me. There was a year's worth of longing and absence to make up for
in this kiss, and I just couldn't stop.

Somewhere in the background, I slowly became aware of voices speaking, but my
focus was solely on the girl in my arms.

"…over five minutes..."

"…think she'll pass out?"

"…never seen…like this…"

As if she had just now realized we were in front of an audience, I felt Bella's
cheeks warm under my hand and I smiled against her lips. Pulling back only an
inch, I whispered.

"I love you."

Her eyes flew open looking straight into mine, an embarrassed smile still on her
lips. "I love you, too."

"I think they finally stopped," I heard Alice hiss from behind me. "Can I meet her
now? Please? Please?"

"Calm, Alice. You're vibrating again," I heard Jasper soothe.

Smiling widely at Bella, I raised my eyebrows expectantly. "Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be," she said, swallowing visibly. I turned around to face Alice and
Jasper, pulling Bella in front of me and wrapping my arms around her waist.

I mouthed 'be good' to Alice and locked eyes with Jasper briefly, who got the hint
and placed his hands on Alice's shoulders to calm her. She was still vibrating a
little bit.

"Bella, this is my friend and Jasper's girlfriend, Alice. Alice, this is my Bella."

I'd barely said Bella's name before Alice had escaped Jasper's grasp and leapt
over to Bella, pulling her out of my arms and into a hug. She was already going a
mile a minute before she'd even released her.

"Oh my God, I've been waiting to meet you for two solid fucking years. I feel like
I already know you because I've heard so much about you from Edward and
Jazzy, but you're even prettier in person than you are in your pictures. I hope
you're not pissed about the party, you can blame me if you want, I just wanted
for you guys to have a special day together and this is just kind of what I do, and
I hope you're not pissed because I was bitching out Edward, because we seriously
bitch at each other all the time and we don't mean it at all, and I really, really
want you and I to be friends."

"Friends on one condition," Bella replied, not missing a beat.

"Anything," Alice agreed hastily.

"No surprise parties? Like, ever," Bella said firmly.

"Seriously?" Alice squealed. "You really don't like them?"

"Really. Seriously. And you have got to stop bouncing. I love all your colors and
everything, but when you vibrate like that it makes me feel dizzy." I could hear
the smile in her voice and I chuckled under my breath, remembering my same
reaction to Alice when I first met her.

Alice smiled sheepishly, slowing her bouncing. "Okay, so I wanted to talk to you
about this idea I had…" She walked off with Bella, arm-in-arm, explaining her
ideas for a graphic novel based on some charcoal sketches she'd been playing
with lately, involving vampires, werewolves and humans. She wanted Bella's help
on a storyline and they began brainstorming ideas, Jasper and I forgotten.

It was nice, though. I could tell Jasper was happy that Alice had a girl to talk with
for once, and I was just content enough to be in Bella's presence for now. I knew
I'd get her to myself later and their story actually sounded really interesting,
even if the idea of sparkling vampires was more than a little ridiculous. The same
way Bella loved to hear me play piano for her, I loved to hear her mind open up
to me.

We ate our weight in bacon and scrambled eggs, and I had to admit it felt really
good to get to watch Bella blow out her birthday candles in person. She was
bashful but gracious when opening her presents, making me love her that much
more when I saw how she appreciated such small things. Like Alice's gift of
monogrammed stationery and Jasper's gift of old-fashioned quill pens and ink.

As the morning passed, I started to feel that familiar desperation creep back in,
my need to get Bella to myself. Jasper caught my pleading expression and
started the process of dragging Alice away, albeit with protesting on her part.
With email addresses and hugs exchanged, they left, finally leaving Bella and me
to each other at last.

"Wow," was all Bella could say after they left.

I laughed, nodding in agreement. "That's Alice."

"You guys are funny together. I mean, she obviously drives you crazy, but I can
tell you love her."

I frowned, sputtering and stammering all over myself. "What? Bella! No! I don-"

"Oh my God, Edward. I didn't mean like that. I just meant you bitch at her like
she's your kid sister. It's cute, because I'm pretty sure she could kick your ass,"
she grinned mischievously.

I shrugged, relieved, but also knowing that it was true. "She scares the hell out
of Emmett."

At the mention of Emmett, she looked around curiously. "Where is everybody?"

"Emmett's game. They'll be home soon."

"Do you ever miss it? Baseball?" she asked, reaching over and slipping her hand
into mine.

"Miss seeing me in tight pants, kitten?" I teased, making her jaw drop. And then,
like always, she turned the tables on me in an instant.

"Maybe."

I laughed, shaking my head. "Why don't you go inside and wait for me in my
room? I'll get this all cleaned up and then we can get out of here."

She rolled her eyes and stood up, walking over to start gathering the dishes.
"Yeah, right. We get one day and you want me to lay on your bed alone while you
clean?"

I was aware that her mouth was still moving, but I didn't hear anything after the
words 'me lay on bed.' She snapped her fingers in front of my face, shaking her
head. Her eyes glanced down and noticed the growing tent in the front of my
pants, making her eyes dart away and her cheeks blush bright red. Before I could
get embarrassed, she looked back at me and smiled smugly.

"Are you thinking about me laying on your bed?"

I didn't miss a beat.

"Maybe."

.

By the time the patio was cleaned up, my family was home and I was more than
a little impatient waiting for all of them to get their hellos and how-have-you-
beens out of the way. I knew they loved her too, I couldn't blame them, but I
was ready to have her all to myself without any more interruptions. With a heavy
sigh, firm instructions to leave my cell phone in the glove compartment, to keep
the music down and double-check my mirrors, my dad handed over the keys to
his Volvo grudgingly.

Inwardly, I was both ecstatic to be able to drive my girlfriend somewhere and
absolutely terrified to have the responsibility. The thought of anything ever
happening to Bella was enough to send me into a state of near panic, but the
thought of me being the cause of it…

His warnings were unnecessary.

"Where are we going? And why didn't you tell me you got your license
yesterday?" she exclaimed, grinning as I opened the car door for her.

"Because I didn't talk to you yesterday," I reminded her as I climbed in. "And I
wanted to surprise you."

"Does that mean I don't get to know where we're going?" she asked playfully, her
eyes narrowing.

"It means exactly that," I confirmed, motioning for her to buckle up before I even
started the car. She rolled her eyes, but complied, snapping it with a flourish.
"Don't be a smartass. And don't distract me. Make sure your door's locked."

She hid her smile badly, locking her door and sitting primly with her hands on her
knees completely still.

"Smartass," I muttered, turning the key and placing the car in reverse.

.

A little over half an hour later, we pulled into the parking lot at La Push Beach. It
wasn't much as far as dates went, but my parents wouldn't let me drive to Port
Angeles without them and I wasn't about to take Bella on a first date chaperoned.

"So we don't have to go anywhere near the deathly ocean, but I thou-"

I was cut off by her lips on mine, her mouth opening almost instantly to deepen
the kiss. Taken by surprise but recovering quickly, I wrapped my arms around
her, really liking her way of thinking. But she kept squirming, so I pulled back for
a moment.

"What's wrong?" I panted.

"This stick thing," she gasped out, holding her side where the gear shift was
apparently digging in. Without even thinking, I pulled her toward me again, lifting
her over the center console.

"Ow!" she cried out when her head hit the ceiling.

"Oh shit! Sorry," I grimaced, rubbing the back of it as she straddled my lap.

Wait.

Straddled. My. Lap.

Ohmygod.

Before my brain could even fully process that thought, she was kissing me again,
her hands woven into my hair. I tried to put my arms around her again, but kept
hitting the steering wheel. Blindly, I reached down to the lever on the side of my
seat and reclined it back, never breaking our kiss. My glasses were foggy and
crooked on my face but I didn't care. At this angle her weight shifted, pressing
directly onto the biggest hard-on of my life. My hands were glued rigidly to her
sides, only a small shred of my self-control in place.

Slowly, I felt one of Bella's hands come out of my hair and reach down to touch
one of mine. Shakily, she slid it around to her stomach and then started inching it
up. Oh my God, she just put my hand on her boob. The emotions for the day
seemed to be ecstasy and terror, because she was so soft and I had absolutely
no clue what to do. Since it was soft, I assumed a soft touch was necessary, even
though what I really wanted to do was grab onto it for dear life and never let go.

I cupped her gently, rubbing my thumb along the side. She made the most
gratifying moan I'd ever heard, albeit the first moan I'd ever heard, but that
didn't matter because I was the one that made her do it and all I wanted was to
make her do it again. Experimentally, I moved my thumb again and was
rewarded.

Needing to breathe before I passed out, I pulled away from her mouth but
couldn't stop kissing her. I sucked in breaths between kisses down her jaw,
exploring the previously uncharted territory of her neck. Oh my God, she tasted
good everywhere. The coordination required to keep my hold on her breast gentle
while I kissed and sucked on her neck was almost enough to distract me from the
zipper of my jeans digging into my dick. Almost.

"Oh God. Wait a second," I gasped, reaching down with my free hand to adjust
myself. My other hand might need to be pried away from her chest with a
crowbar. It only took a second to maneuver it out of harm's way and I was
attached to her neck again before she could even ask.

The harder I kissed and sucked, the louder her moans got, and she started
rocking above me erratically. Regrettably, I dropped my hand from her boob and
gripped her hips tightly, unsure whether I wanted to encourage this to continue
or stop it. She took this as an invitation to start kissing on my neck and oh my
God, now I was the one moaning. Without meaning to, I thrust up and rubbed
against her.

"Oh fuck," she whispered, and I did it again to see if I could elicit the same
reaction. Her forehead dropped to my shoulder when I repeated the action, and I
felt the familiar tightening begin in the pit of my stomach.

If I didn't stop this immediately, I was totally going to come in my pants.

"Bella…shit…we have to stop," I grunted, every pleasure receptor in my brain
cursing me out. She trembled and shuddered against me, pressing down on
accident and making me grit my teeth.

I gripped her tighter to keep her still and she whimpered, making me wonder if I
had hurt her. When I looked down, I realized that with my hands splayed across
her hips, my thumbs were directly on the seam of her jeans at her center. Oh my
God, I was touching Bella there.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out, ripping my hands away and gripping the sides of my
seat, praying I hadn't hurt or scared her. She just shook her head on top of my
shoulder, her breath fast and heavy on my neck. Nervous, I tilted my head down
to whisper in her ear. "Are you okay?"

Slowly, she raised her head up to look me in the eye, smiling shyly. "Yeah…that
was just…wow."

Releasing my death grip on the seat, I lifted my hands to push her hair back and
hold her face. "Really?"

She bit her lip, blushing. "Did…did it not feel good for you?"

I snorted, shaking my head. "Uh…yeah, just a bit."

She smiled, her eyes dropping to my neck right before she gasped.

"Holy crap, I gave you a hickey."

My hand flew to my neck, as if I could actually feel it. And then my eyes drifted
down her neck. I grimaced, trying not to show how much I liked my mark on her.

"Uh…you kind of have one too."

Her hands flew to her neck the same way I had, her face and chest flushing
bright red.

"Are you serious?" she squeaked. "Is it bad?"

Moving her hand away to look again on the deeply purple mark, I sucked my lips
into my mouth to hide my smile. "Kinda."

To my surprise, she laughed. "So's yours."

I grinned, not even caring in the slightest. "Your hair'll probably cover it."

Giggling, she reached over and popped the collar up on my polo. "There. You can
start a new trend."

"As much as I'd love to keep you on my lap forever, we have one more place to
go before we catch a sunset."

She smiled, giving me a sweet, quick kiss. "What are you going to wish for?"

I narrowed my eyes at her, shaking my head. "What are you going to wish for?"

She shrugged. "The same as every year," she answered, her tone light, but her
eyes serious.

"What do you wish for, Bella?" I asked softly.

She shook her head, blinking away her emotion. "Can't tell. It won't come true."

"Someday you'll tell me," I stated, not questioned.

She nodded, her eyes dark and older than her age. I pulled her into me for one
more kiss, trying to memorize the feel of her hair in my fingers, the taste of her
tongue, the smell of her skin. When she broke away, she rested her forehead on
mine.

"You have to move," I whispered. "I can't drive with you on my lap."

"Don't wanna," she sighed.

"Please?" I begged softly. "I'm trying to give you a real date. Let me?"

She sat up, her eyes surprised. "Is this our first date?"

"About time, don't you think?" I winked, sliding her off my lap over to her seat. I
started the car and turned on the defroster, because the windows had gotten a
little fogged up. I fixed my seat and then turned to look at her. She was chewing
on her fingernail, a huge grin on her face. "What are you smiling about?"

She just shook her head, smiling wider as she buckled up. I sighed, doing the
same and reversing out of the parking space.

Manual and translator. What I would give.

.

We pulled into the Forks diner parking lot half an hour later, right as Bella's
stomach started growling.

"Good timing," I joked, smiling at her embarrassed blush.

"Shut up," she muttered, unbuckling and reaching for her door handle.

"Wait!"

I got out and ran around the car, opening her door.

"Always a gentleman," she smiled, shaking her head. "How do I keep other girls
from stealing you away?"

Rolling my eyes, I threw my arm over her shoulder as we walked to the door. "As
far as I'm concerned, you're the only girl on the planet."

We slipped into a booth and had an early dinner of burgers, fries and milkshakes.
I knew it was a totally typical teenage thing to do, but the way I saw it, Bella
didn't get the chance to be a teenager the majority of the year with her mom.
Plus, we were teenagers, and my job at the grocery store didn't exactly afford me
the ability to take her to a four-star restaurant. Either way, we had a great time,
never running out of things to talk about, holding hands across the table, and
giving ourselves stomach aches from eating too much pie.

She thankfully didn't protest when I paid the bill, hopefully realizing how
important it was to me to be able to take her out like this. I held her hand as we
walked back to the car, glancing up at the slowly lowering sun in the sky.

"We'll make it in time," she said surely, voicing my thought. I smiled and nodded,
helping her into the car before climbing in myself to hurry back to the house. She

grabbed her bag from inside quickly before the two of us took off for the tree,
trying to make it to the shelter of its branches before the rain began to fall. The
water was so heavy in the air I could smell it.

We'd barely sat down and caught our breath before the lightning started to streak
across the sky in the distance. Bella reached into her backpack right away,
rummaging around for something.

"Aha!" she smiled, lifting out a small box. We hadn't exchanged presents with
each other earlier at the party, only received from Alice and Jasper. Hers was
currently burning a hole in my pocket. I took it curiously, asking her with my
eyes if I could open it. She nodded, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth and
worrying her hands.

I lifted the lid easily and pulled out a wide piece of leather with an etching of a
tree on it. I held it up confusedly and she blushed.

"I don't know if you remember, but a long time ago, I gave you a rubber band?
Anyway, we were working with leather in art class and I started thinking maybe I
could give you something a little sturdier to wear, to have something from me
with you always. It's, um…it's like a cuff? If it's too girly to wear a bracelet, I
understand, you don't have to wear it, it won't hurt my feeli-"

I broke off her rambling with a kiss, chuckling breathlessly against her mouth. We
thought so similarly sometimes it was scary. I pulled away, smiling at her and
shaking my head. Holding out my arm in offering, she beamed and snapped the
cuff around my wrist, and I was happy to find that it fit perfectly.

I pulled her into my lap to hug her, nuzzling my face into her neck. "Thank you."

She leaned back a bit, still smiling. "You really like it?"

"Yes," I laughed. "And for the record, I still have that rubber band. It's at home in
a safe place. I would still wear it, but it snapped about three years ago."

"You kept it?" she laughed. I shrugged shamelessly, leaning my back against the
tree.

"I have something for you, too," I admitted quietly. She followed the movement
of my hand with her eyes as I reached into my pocket for the small cloth sack
inside.

"The date was more than enough, Edward," she said seriously, but allowed me to
open her hand, facing her palm up.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" I smiled, opening the sack and pouring
its contents into her waiting hand. "I give you things because it makes me happy.
I'm a lot more selfish than you think, Bella."

She shook her head in disagreement, but looked down to see her present. A
broad smile spread across her face as she stroked the small charm gently.
Silently, she lifted her hair, allowing me to clasp the chain around her neck, the
tree resting right on top of her heart.

"So you always have it with you," I whispered, catching the lone tear that fell
down her cheek. Leaning in to kiss her, she met me halfway, returning my kiss
with a feeling of almost desperation. Her arms wrapped around my neck,
tightening until they could grow no tighter. I felt wetness on my cheeks that I
knew didn't come from me and I wrenched back, alarmed.

"What's wrong? Talk to me," I begged.

"Will you come see me again this summer? After I get back from camping? I need
more time with you. I can't…I can't…" she couldn't talk through her tears and I
couldn't swallow the lump in my throat from the sight of her pain. I whispered
yeses between kisses peppered all over her face until she calmed down. Glancing
over at the horizon, I smiled a pained, bittersweet smile at the sight of the sun
melting into the trees.

"Make a wish," I whispered.

She inhaled a shaky breath, exhaling, "Done."

Please let us find a way to be together.

I just couldn't say goodbye anymore.

When you held onto me

Like I was your little life raft

Please know

That you were mine as well

11.

I started eleventh grade in a funk that didn't get much better as the year wore
on. From practically the first day, every teacher in every single one of my classes
was harping about colleges and universities, requirements and requisites, grades
and scholarships, percentiles and admissions. Two full years before we had to
leave for college, the pressure was on. I started taking PSAT classes afterschool
twice a week, drastically cutting into my talking-to-Bella time.

E_C620 writes: I have maybe 30 seconds before I fall asleep in my vocabulary
book. I wanted to tell you I love you one more time.

B_Swan913 writes: I love you. I miss you. Xoxo

E_C620 writes: One more kiss

Even my parents giving me and Emmett their old Volvos when they bought new
cars for themselves wasn't enough to lift me out of it. Because with every
mention of college, all I could think was Bella…Bella…Bella…I'd wanted to go to
Stanford since I could remember, since the first time I saw a picture of my dad
on campus back in his heyday. Everything about that school screamed 'perfect' to
me; the location, the prestige, the accreditations. Everything. Bella had loved it
ever since she read an article showcasing its library. She'd loved the alumni
magazine the article came in as well, wanting to write for it someday. And she
liked California too, in spite of its ocean of death.

B_Swan913 writes: It's late and I can't sleep. I miss you.

B_Swan913 writes: I wish Ed still smelled like you.

B_Swan913 writes: I love you.

But she was stuck with her mom. I knew she didn't see it that way, but that's
how I did. And it pissed me off. Even at Bella, a little bit, and that wasn't
something I was used to. What was she really planning on doing with her life?
Just follow Renee around until she learned how to take care of herself properly, if
ever? In my opinion, she was only enabling Renee by handling her the way she
was. Some people just couldn't learn unless they were forced. But therein was a
huge part of the problem. It was easy for me to say or think that, because it
wasn't my mom. And I didn't really know what I'd do if it was. So I didn't say
anything to her, because I was smart enough to know that the person that asked
the other to choose always got left behind.

E_C620 writes: I'm sorry I missed you kitten.

E_C620 writes: I hope you got some sleep.

E_C620 writes: I love you.

Down in Phoenix she was as busy as I was, with prep classes and Honor's
Society. It had been a hard summer for her, to go back to Arizona and find out
that Riley and Bree's father was being transferred for his job, moving them
halfway around the world at the end of July. Besides the few acquaintances she
had in her writing club, she didn't really have anyone else. Enter Alice. Alice
gladly assumed best girl friend position with Bella, IMing with her daily about girl
things Jasper and I really didn't want to know too much about. We did think that
it was beyond awesome that our girlfriends were making a comic book, though.
Alice would scan her latest sketches and email them to Bella, and then Bella
would work on storylines to follow the drawings, sometimes continuing on for
Alice to reciprocate with the proper illustrations. Alice begged Bella to let her send
a cell phone to Phoenix, but Bella point blank refused. She couldn't pay for it
herself and she couldn't get a job to pay for it, because they only had one car and
Renee was always gone.

E_C620 writes: It says there's a storm coming in there. Are you okay?

B_Swan913 writes: Yeah. Just annoyed. Housebound again.

Renee had started dating a minor league baseball player that was almost half her
age, named Phil. Bella said he was nice enough, what little she'd seen of him. He
was on the road a lot and if he was within a reasonable driving radius, which
apparently according to Renee was one state away or less, she was there visiting
him. I was so worried about Bella. The thought of her home alone for entire
weekends at a time terrified me. She didn't even have Riley there anymore. Who
was there to protect her? What if something happened, an accident? I could drive
myself to distraction imagining all the different scenarios that could happen. A
fire, a fall, a burglar…Every time I called her and she didn't pick up right away, I'd
be in a frenzy until I got a hold of her.

So there was the crux of the matter. If Bella refused to leave Renee's side, would
I choose Stanford over her? Could I? Given how much I worried about her now,
how would I function when I knew she was on campus in a city where five
hundred and fifty women were raped last year? Over two hundred murders, one
of the highest rates in the country. Great, now I wanted to skip Calculus next
period and go home to message her.

But would I resent her for it if I didn't go? Would it even be fair to resent her, if it
was my choice? Bella didn't expect me to not go to Stanford. As a matter of fact,
she'd probably be pissed to know I had already looked into the music program at
the University of Phoenix, which sucked. But what else could I do? Go through
another four years of not seeing her until I finished my undergrad? And then

what? Would we get married and just move Renee in with us? Great, now I
wanted to skip Physics last period and go home to bang my head against the wall
for an hour.

Jasper was set on Stanford too, even though Alice wanted UC Berkeley. That only
set them back about fifty miles. It was almost annoying to hear them make plans
on how they'd see each other when the time came to separate, lamenting the
distance that would be between them. An hour. Stanford was eleven hours away
from Phoenix. I'd already been living over twenty-four hours away from her for
the last seven years. Over fifteen hundred miles. That's a lamentable distance,
Jazz.

All of this torment swirling in my head? It was just that. Swirling in my head,
never discussed. I wouldn't let my selfishness drive a wedge in our relationship. I
was counting on Renee to do that for me with her own self-centeredness. Bella
was a smart person. She had to figure out what was best for her on her own. I
just hoped it was sooner rather than later. In the meantime, she knew I worried
about her, and she did her best to reassure me. She never got irritated with me
when she came home from a prep class to her phone ringing off the hook
because I'd been trying to call her for over an hour. She understood it wasn't
about control or jealousy; it was pure, unadulterated fear. Her mom left her
home three weekends a month and she was only sixteen, for fuck's sake. I didn't
even think that was legal.

"Hel-"

"Are you okay? Is everything okay? Are you alright?"

"Hi, Edward. Everything's fine, I just missed the first bus. I'm sorry. Are you
okay?"

"Yeah. Now."

I tried to not let the stress of it all get to me, but it was. My parents thankfully
didn't know about what was going on with Bella, so they assumed it was all the
schoolwork. They knew I missed her, but that didn't exactly take a genius. They
offered to take over my cell phone bill so I could quit Ron's, but I didn't want the
extra time. I wouldn't study, I'd worry. They didn't put up too much of a fight,
since they were a bit preoccupied trying to help Emmett get into Northwestern.
He needed a lot of tutoring that I just didn't have time to give him.

Music became close to an obsession for me, the only place I could really stop
thinking about everything and just let myself be distracted. I'd poured through
every music theory book Forks had to offer, becoming proficient enough in the art
of composition to create pieces for not only piano, but duets with guitar and other
strings. Just for fun, I would transpose classical favorites into new arrangements
and variations, until I had a portfolio of recordings and pieces large enough to
rival most professionals. It was never a total escape, though. All it took was one
glance down at my wrist, and the leather remembrance of Bella was back at the
forefront of my mind.

As the school year wound down to an end, I was getting more and more anxious
to see her. I had daily fantasies about seeing her again, the weight in my chest
growing heavier by the moment. I would imagine picking her up from the airport,
complete with the whole airport cliché, where I would be looking for her in a
crowd of people, she would see me and run to me, jump into my arms with her
legs around my waist and kiss me like her life depended on it. In some of the
fantasies it progressed to me dragging her to the nearest bathroom to pin her
against a wall and kiss her until she agreed to live with me, but neither of those

were very likely to happen. One: because I'd likely get carried away and had no
interest in us losing our virginities in a germy airport bathroom, and two: because
her dad always picked her up. He just had to have that one day with her before I
could have her, even though it was my birthday. Another fantasy I had was
slashing the tires on the cruiser so I could hijack his plans.

A boy could dream.

Jasper and Alice were worried about me, I knew, but I'd sworn them both to
silence regarding Bella. I didn't want her to feel I was trying to guilt or pressure
her into anything. But I didn't miss their shared worried glances when I would
hang up my phone frustrated, not being able to get a hold of her. Jazz kept his
mouth shut when we were practicing some of the darker pieces in my composing
repertoire, and Alice was always quick with a distraction if I started to seem
depressed when we talked about Bella. And I was trying really hard to not be this
pathetic wimp that couldn't survive without his girl, because it wasn't fair to
everyone else around me. I'd known going into this it would be hard, but nothing
could have prepared me for the pain I felt being away from her.

So there was this balancing act of sorts, where in front of Jasper, Alice, and my
parents, I was okay. I made sure to laugh when everybody else laughed, and
interact for a socially acceptable amount of time with all of them, until I could be
alone and let the mask fall away. With Bella, I didn't have to hide the pain,
because it disappeared every time I heard her voice. It was only after we'd hung
up that it would return and I would crawl into a place inside my head where she
was there with me and never had to leave. I would hear her laugh at some joke I
told her to make her feel less lonely, I would hear her moans when I would touch
myself and think of her, I would hear her whispers as I slowly fell asleep.

When I dreamed, it was always of her.

As soon as school let out, my body was on a countdown. Even without a calendar
or watch, I could feel it. Three more weeks until I can kiss her…Time would tick
on. Seventeen more days until I can hold her hand…Getting so close. One
hundred and ninety more hours until I can feel her face when she blushes…

Finally, it was down to the last week. My parents were busy trying to get their
schedules and plans in order, because Emmett hadn't gotten into Northwestern,
so they were taking him on a tour of the University of Washington. They'd be
back by midday on my birthday, and I'd had to assure my mom over and over
again that it was fine. I'd only been able to get out of going with them by lying
through my teeth and saying I needed to work. The less I had to be around
people, the less I had to pretend. The closer I got to Bella's arrival, the harder it
was to keep the mask on, to keep from snapping at my mom when she asked me
for the hundredth time if I was excited to get to see her, to keep from driving
down to Phoenix and stealing her for myself.

The first day they'd been gone, the silence that came from their absence had
been so nice. So peaceful. But by the second day, I couldn't stop my thoughts
from running a mile a minute. Now that my junior year was officially over, it just
brought me that much closer to an uncertain future. In the morning, I tried to
distract myself by rearranging my CD collection, only to rearrange it right back. I
had a system of organized chaos that couldn't be touched. After I forced myself
to eat some lunch, I played piano until my fingers started to cramp and my ears
started to ring from the loud, angry notes. Slamming my fists down and wincing
at the discordance that echoed around me, I realized being in the house wasn't
working. I was going stir-crazy.

I left the house and started walking, aimless and with no destination. Drops of
water fell on me randomly, as if the clouds couldn't decide if they were going to
open or pass. I walked past the high school, seeing the empty baseball diamond
behind the building. I smiled, remembering Bella's cheers and raves, her toothy
grin when I gave her the game ball so many years ago. As I walked past the
diner and looked through the windows, I didn't notice the families inside eating
dinner; I saw Bella in that corner booth with me, smiling and holding my hand
across the table on our first and only date. When I passed her house, I couldn't
help but look at her window and the tree of doom I'd learned to climb so well. I
wondered if the Chief ever went in her room and just sat there, remembering her
presence and missing her. The light was off, of course, because she wouldn't be
here until tomorrow, and even then I wouldn't see her until the day after. The
house was dark except for the flashes of a TV screen I could see through the
kitchen window as I passed.

I hadn't meant to, but I wasn't completely shocked when I ended up right in front
of our tree. Memories that were so happy they were almost painful to recall
played like a movie in front of my eyes; images of Bella and I laughing, kissing,
and chasing each other 'round and 'round the tree.

I would have given anything to be able to feel closer to her and if there had ever
been a place filled with memories of her, it was here. But it wasn't the same here
without her. I'd never come here before without her and it didn't hold any magic
without her presence. Without her, it was just a tree.

The storm was going to be big, the lightning striking somewhere in the distance
and making definite contact. For a moment, it outshone the sun that slate gray
clouds tried to hide as it slipped down into the trees. I closed my eyes, hearing
her whisper in my mind.

"Make a wish."

Over the years, my wishes had varied. Some elaborate, most not, all of them
about her. It was no different now, but it felt simpler. My wants felt simpler.
Because all I wanted, all I could wish for, was her.

Please. I just want her.

My answer was the bottom of the clouds finally giving way to the weight of the
water inside them. I didn't care. Keeping my eyes closed, I stood just beyond the
reach of the tree, unable to find shelter in its branches without her here with me.
The rain soaked me through and the sun was long since disappeared, but I just
stood, repeating it, over and over.

Please. Just give me her. Please.

Please.

Please.

"Edward."

Now it's found us

Like I have found you

I don't want to run

Just overwhelm me

12.

"Edward."

God, her voice sounded so real. So perfect. A cold touch on my cheek made my
eyes fly open suddenly, only to see her right in front of me. Well, that was new.
When I'd imagined her, I'd never actually hallucinated before. I blinked a few
times, wondering why I would imagine her soaked to the bone and shivering. She
was watching me curiously, as if she expected me to speak. It was my
hallucination. Shouldn't she be the one talking?

"Are you on something?"

"Oh my God, are you real?"

She crinkled her nose and blinked at me in shock. "Uh…last time I checked?"

I wasn't a hundred percent sure about this. Surely if I touched her, she'd fade
away and my hands would grasp empty air.

"How are you here?"

"The airplane is an amazing invention, Edward."

A grin so wide it made my cheeks hurt spread across my face as I stepped
forward and swung her around in the air, trying not to slip on any mud puddles
that would send her flying out of my arms or both of us to the ground. Our laughs
mixed with the other's, drowning out the rain and thunder all around. I slowly slid
her to her feet, keeping her steady at the waist in case she was dizzy.

The lightning flashes around us gave me enough light to see the bright
excitement in her eyes and her smile that never faltered.

"Do you come here a lot?"

"No," I laughed, shaking my head, unable to tear my eyes away from hers. "This
is actually the first time. I just…needed it, I guess. But it didn't work. It's not the
same without you here. God, I can't believe you're here. I missed you so much,
Bella."

Her smile grew as she placed her hands on my upper arms and squeezed gently.

"Did you make a wish?"

I grinned crookedly, nodding my head. "Yeah, and I have to say that it worked
pretty well."

"Why?" she laughed.

"Because I wished for you," I admitted seriously. "And here you are."

Her smile fell, her eyes locked on mine. "Every year, I wish for you. Every year,
that's all I want."

"Why are you telling me this now?" I asked, amazed. "You nev-"

"Because I finally got it. I don't need to wish anymore."

My grip on her waist tightened slightly, but I was sure I misunderstood what she
was saying. She had to mean because she got to visit early. She couldn't mean…

"I'm finally home."

"You mean…?" I breathed.

"I'm not going back to Phoenix this time. I'm staying in Fo-"

I cut her off with my lips, kissing her harder and fiercer than I ever had before.
Hallucination or dream, I would take it. But as she wrapped her arms around me
and held me as I tightly as I was wound around her, the more and more I started
to let myself believe that this was real. I wanted to know why and when and a
million other things, but at this moment, I just couldn't get close enough.

Her body seemed to be shaking in my arms and at first, I thought she was crying.
Pulling back in concern, I realized she was actually just freezing. Even though it
was summer, we were both soaked through and I registered I was shivering as
well.

"C'mon," I panted. "I need to get you dry."

Taking her by the hand, I led her as quickly as the water and mud would allow,
wiping the rain from my glasses as I guided us across the field and through the
trees until we got to my house.

"Where is everyone? I came here first, but when nobody answered I went to the
tree," she asked through chattering teeth as I unlocked the door and pulled her
inside.

"They're in Seattle until tomorrow," I answered, leading her up the stairs to my
room. She needed out of those clothes quick or she was going to get sick. "With
Emmett at U-Dub. Wait…did you walk here from Charlie's? When did you get
here? I have so many questions."

She smiled sheepishly. "I know. I'll explain everything. And yeah, I pretty much
ran here straight from my dad's. He wasn't happy I was running right off, but I
guess since I'm going to be here permanently…"

I had to stop and hug her again. My heart felt like it was going to explode out of
my chest. "God, that sounds so good. I can't believe you're here. Really here and
I don't have to say goodbye this time."

Still shivering, her eyes were shy. "We don't ever have to say it if you don't want
to."

Leaning in to kiss her once more, I whispered. "Never."

The kiss was briefer than I wanted, but we were both freezing. I pulled her into
the bathroom, switching on the light and starting the water. Turning back around
to face her, I was able to fully see how drenched she was, while I tried very hard
to keep from staring at her now see-through t-shirt that was clinging to her for
dear life. Lucky fucking t-shirt.

"You need to warm up. If you give me your clothes, I'll throw them in the dryer
and find you something to wear. You can just, um, like, pass them through the
door," I mumbled, realizing I was basically standing there demanding she strip.

And then get in my shower. Naked. God, that would be fueling my fantasies for
months.

In spite of her being cold, she flushed across her chest, neck and face as she
nodded furiously. I escaped, shutting the door behind me and leaning against it
for a moment. My unbelievably gorgeous girlfriend that I hadn't seen or touched
in a year was on the other side of this door getting naked. I rubbed my hands
over my face in an attempt to gain some composure. She needed a shower to
warm up and she needed some dry clothes.

I searched the back of my closet, looking for some t-shirts and sweats from a
couple of years back, hoping to find something small enough so that it would stay
on her. The last thing my nearly nonexistent self-control needed was to put her in
a t-shirt that would fall down her shoulder or pants that dropped as soon as she
stood. Maybe I should get her some of my mom's clothes. That would kill my
erection for sure.

I heard the door to my bathroom open and I grabbed the first thing my hands
touched and walked back out of my closet, only to screech to a halt. She was
standing in the doorway in only a towel, using one hand to hold it to her body
and the other to hold her dripping clothes. Oh God, I'm pretty sure I just saw
some kind of lace.

"Berjigimafa."

Her eyebrows furrowed and she cocked her head. "What?"

I shook my head, trying to remember how to speak basic English. Walking over
to her, I took the wet clothes from her hands and shoved the dry ones into them.

"You're shaking," she whispered, her eyes glittering in the dim light coming from
my closet.

"I am?" I gulped. I hadn't noticed.

She nodded, focusing very hard on my very interesting desk behind me. "You
need to get warm."

"I do?" I blinked. Her hair was dripping water down her chest, disappearing into
the towel. Lucky fucking towel.

She nodded again, tossing the dry clothes on the counter beside her and fisting
her hand in my shirt. Pulling gently, she walked me back and I followed
automatically, throwing her wet clothes into the sink. With one hand still on her
towel, clutching it so tightly her knuckles were white, her other slid down to my
wrist and unsnapped the cuff there, setting it gently down on the counter before
returning to the edge of my shirt as she pried it from skin.

Understanding, I tossed my glasses aside and crossed my arms to lift my shirt
over my head swiftly, cold and nervous and self-conscious. She swallowed visibly,
her eyes flitting over my chest and stomach. I stood there frozen, hoping she
didn't find me lacking. I was no bodybuilder.

"You're so perfect."

I half-snorted, half-choked. "No. You are."

She smiled at me then, her eyes fixed on mine. For a moment, I forgot that she
was in nothing but a towel and I was standing in front of her half-naked.

"I look like a drowned cat."

I bit the inside of my cheek to hide my smile, but she still saw it. Rolling her
eyes, she sighed.

"I know. You can say it."

"Aww. Kitten," I snickered, wrapping my arms around her and nuzzling her nose
with mine. Her eyes fluttered close and she tilted her head up slightly, letting me
capture her mouth with mine. As soon as the soft cotton of her towel rubbed
against my chest, I was very aware again of what we were, or weren't wearing.

"Are you sure?"

I wasn't sure what I was asking, whether it was the nakedness, or the shower, or
what might come after, but she nodded anyway, taking a step back so I could
unbutton my jeans. She thankfully kept her eyes on mine as I pushed them down
with my boxers, even though I was tempted to just shower with those on.
Unstoppable teenage hormones had made me hard in spite of the wet coldness of
my pants, and I was at full attention, like a compass pointed straight for north.
Only Bella was my north and my hopefully-not-too-small dick was the compass
needle.

Nervously, her grip on the towel loosened, letting it fall down her body silently.
Her eyes were wide and scared, what little I would allow myself to see of her
chest heaving.

"Are you sure?" I whispered again, my heart in my stomach. She nodded slowly,
so I pushed back the curtain for us to climb inside, the hot water at once soothing
both of us. She melted into my chest, my erection stuck between us. I wrapped
my arms completely around her, relishing my first feel of her skin against my
skin, my hands on her back, her chest on mine. With my arms around her slight
form, I felt protective, I felt strong.

When she lifted her head from my chest and pouted her lips at me, I lost it.

Before she could gasp, I had her pinned against my shower wall, the same
shower wall I had leaned against and stroked myself countless times to images of
her in my mind. My lips moved hungrily against hers, my hands eager over her
ribs and hips. I slowly moved my hand up to cup her breast, unable to believe the
difference between my memories of her clothed chest and what I was feeling
now. The softness I had felt a year ago had nothing on the silky feel of her skin,
the way she fit my greedy hand so perfectly.

"Is this okay?" I rasped, sucking in a sharp breath as her shaky hand brushed
against my dick.

"Is this?" she whispered, touching it only with feather-soft fingertips,
experimenting, exploring.

My fingers dug into her skin, making her wince, so I retracted immediately. "Yes.
I'm sorry. Yes."

She ran her fingers up and down, not grasping, simply touching and slowly
driving me crazy. I buried my face in her neck, kissing and biting while thrusting
against her with no control. We were both already panting and we hadn't even
exerted ourselves. Yet.

"Is this…I don't know what to do," she admitted in a hushed whisper. I gritted my
teeth, summoning all of my courage to move my hand from her waist and grab
hers, wrapping both of our hands around me. My thrusting hadn't stopped, so she
simply moved her hand up and down with my movements, making my eyes roll
back in my head.

"God…fuck…yes…just like that…" I groaned, rolling her breast in my hand,
running my thumb across her nipple and making it stiffen. She whimpered,
pushing her chest further into my hand which I took as encouragement.
Removing my other hand from around hers on my dick, I pressed it flat against
her stomach and moved it down slowly, giving her ample time to refuse me. She
inhaled sharply when my fingers reached her center for the first time and I kissed
her deeply in return, trying to make her understand that this was me wanting to
love her, and nothing else.

The only problem was, whereas my parts were pretty straightforward, hers were
a little more complicated. There was a thick bundle of skin that my fingers just
brushed over, what I academically knew to be the clitoris, but what I personally
knew to be a mystery to all mankind. The soft, hidden folds below felt wet,
almost slippery. Which of these things was I supposed to explore? All of it felt
soft, especially the part…Fuck. My finger slipped inside her, unknowing, and all I
could think was, if I get in there, I'm going to lose it. Because no matter how
tight or lotioned my fist was when I beat myself off, nothing could feel better
than that.

Her moans guided me as I slid my finger in and out, helping to distract me from
the grip she had on me. At times too tight, at times too loose. But that made it all
the more surreal. She had never touched anyone else this way and neither had I.

All of our firsts, with the same person we also wanted to be our last.

The hot water chose that moment to run out, blasting us with a cold spray that
made Bella shriek. I turned it off quickly and withdrew my finger from her gently,
both of her hands already around my waist. There was enough steam for me to
continue to kiss her for a moment, until the air started to chill us. She shivered
against me, forcing me to move away from her long enough to pull us out of the
bathtub.

I reached up blindly for two towels out of the cabinet above the commode and
draped one around her shoulders before wrapping one around my waist. I had no
clue what I was doing or what I should do next, but thankfully Bella helped that
along by reaching up and tangling her hands in my hair as she elevated on her
tiptoes and kissed the breath out of me.

With no remembrance of how we got there, I found myself on top of her on my
bed, her towel forgotten…somewhere, mine still loosely fixed around my waist as
my body covered hers and my tongue delved deep into her mouth. She was
shivering beneath me, but I couldn't tell if it was because of cold, nerves, or
desire. I hoped it was the latter, but just in case, I pulled my blankets up around
us and wrenched back from her mouth to look down on her.

"Are you okay?" I asked breathlessly. She nodded back furiously, pulling me back
down to her and letting her hands run wild, up and down my back, around to my
chest and shoulders, across my lower stomach. I followed her lead, bracing
myself with one arm and letting my free hand roam, trailing my fingertips over
her arms and down to her chest, releasing her lips to watch her as I felt over the
mounds of flesh there. Watching her writhe and moan was beyond anything my

simple mind could have ever dreamed up. She was impossibly beautiful, feeling
this way because of me.

Curious, I leaned down and let the flat of my tongue run over a nipple, feeling her
moan vibrate beneath my lips. Taking that as encouragement, I dragged my lips
across her chest to place a kiss atop her other while my hand continued to tease
the breast not receiving my mouth's attention.

As I enjoyed the taste of her skin more, my hand moved on, sliding my fingers
down her stomach and feeling her skin turn to gooseflesh at my touch. Through a
small patch of hair, I found that bundle of nerves I felt before and attempted to
bring her pleasure by pressing on it as my fingers passed, watching her carefully.

"Ah!" she gasped, thrusting against my hand. I did it again and she bit her lip,
hissing in a breath.

"Is this okay?" I whispered, pushing down again to make clear my question. Her
eyes wide in anticipation, her head jerked up and down and her back arched
again as I kept the palm of my hand firm on her and slid one finger down. It was
still very wet, which even I knew was a sign that I was doing something right. It
was utterly fascinating to learn her body's responses as I touched her, to watch
her reactions. I developed a rhythm with my fingers, almost as if I were playing a
piece of music. The motion of my finger thrusting in and out of her created a
circular motion with the heel of my hand pressed down on her clit, and after only
a few moments her whimpers turned to moans, her writhing became thrashing.

"Ohmygod. Please. Please," she begged, her eyes clenched tightly shut and her
hands buried in her hair. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. In my fantasies
and dreams, I'd made Bella come more times than I could count, but with her
right in front of me, actually falling apart at my hands, it was indescribable. All I
wanted was to know what that please meant; what I needed to do to push her
over the edge.

Bravely, fearfully, I carefully slid one more finger inside of her to join the first. It
was so tight I was afraid I might hurt her, but when I curled them in, she
completely fell to pieces before me. Her entire body stiffened, her forehead
wrinkled in concentration, her mouth frozen in a small, pouty O.

"You are so beautiful," I murmured, leaning my head down to kiss her top lip,
then suck her bottom into my mouth. She responded immediately, her hands
ripping away at the only barrier still left between us.

"Wait," I panted, stilling her. "I don't have anything. I wasn't expecting this. We
can-"

"I've been on the pill since I was fourteen," she said softly as she flicked my
hands off of hers and pulled the towel completely loose from my waist.

"I don't want to hurt you," I croaked. For the first time, I felt my head rub down
her clit, then settling between her thighs. "God. Are you sure? Because I don't
know if I'll be able to stop if I-"

"I don't want you to stop," she interrupted simply. "I know it will hurt. This time.
Please. All I've thought about for the last year is feeling you. I just want to feel
you."

I melted back into her, kissing her deeply. There was no fighting this; there was
no room for doubt. She was meant to be mine and I had always been hers.

Taking a hold of myself, I positioned the tip right at her entrance, pushing inside
slowly.

Her eyes gave away her discomfort, making me want to stop, but those same
eyes warned me against it, urging me on. I could never have anticipated the
heat, the tightness, the feeling. I tried to keep my focus away from the feeling
and more on her, so that I didn't end this faster than it began.

"Are you okay?" I whispered. She nodded quickly, her breaths still shallow and
tense.

"Yes…just…I think I need you…to move," she gasped out, but I couldn't just start
going at her when she was so rigid. I leaned down and kissed her as I pulled back
some, driving my tongue into her mouth at the same time I thrust forward, a bit
further than before. Suddenly, I felt her muscles clamp down around me so
tightly I couldn't move any further and I realized I had just broken through her
barrier. I stopped again, panicked, my eyes flitting all over her face.

"Are you okay?"

That seemed to be the only question I was capable of asking tonight. Again, she
nodded quickly, pressing her hands firmly on my lower back.

"It just…ow…stings…but, please…move," she choked out, relaxing her muscles
slightly, enough that I could start moving again inside her slowly. With her
permission, I couldn't resist. And it felt so unbelievably good that I didn't want to.
Fantasies, I now realized, could be misleading. Roughness could be mistaken for
passion; loudness could be mistaken for intensity…

But here, right now, as I slowly moved in and out her, I felt passion and intensity
for what they really were. Passion was the overwhelming ecstasy I felt as I loved
my girl, my only girl, my best friend, carefully, cherishing this gift she was giving
me. Intensity was the power of knowing I was the only one to ever know her this
way; that I would do everything I could to make sure I was the only one who
ever did.

Looking down on her face, more relaxed now with her lips slightly parted, her
eyes wide open and staring straight through me, I had never felt closer to her. I
whispered my love for her, over and over, mixed with other unintelligible noises
and words that feebly tried to convey how precious she was to me, how amazing
this felt, how completely and utterly in love with her I was.

The sensation continued to climb and climb, until I reached a point where I felt I
couldn't go any higher. I took her lips with mine again, inhaling her hot exhales
into my mouth, groaning as I met my end. It was so different from anything I'd
ever felt before, it was so much better than anything I'd ever felt before. I felt it
in every nerve of my body, my brain unable to fully comprehend the enormity of
what we'd just done, my heart threatening to explode out of my chest with all the
emotion the completion of this this brought out in me.

"Bella."

Her fingers dug into the small of my back as I struggled to not collapse on top of
her, beads of sweat dripping from me onto her. Burying my face in her wet hair, I
rested there as my breathing slowly returned to normal.

Kissing her neck gently once, I whispered, "I love you."

She hummed in reply, whimpering slightly as I softened and slipped out of her.

"Are you okay?"

"Do you know how many times you've asked me that tonight?" she giggled, her
palms soothing as they ran up and down my back.

I grinned against her skin. Only with her did I ever feel this lightness, this
happiness. Underneath it all, she was always my Bella and I would always be her
Edward. She sighed as I kissed her neck again, still chaste, just because I could.
She was here now and I just could.

"I love you, boy."

I squeezed her as tight as I could. "I don't know if I can let you go tonight. I want
to keep you. Forever."

She turned her head and rubbed her cheek against mine. "You have me. Forever.

"But if I don't go home sometime, my dad will come after you."

The smile was clear in her voice, but the threat was very real as far as I was
concerned. If Chief Swan knew I had just deflowered his daughter, he'd probably
have me publicly executed. Making no move to get off of her, I nipped at her
shoulder.

"Well, that settles that. We'll just have to run away together."

She laughed, shoving me with her shoulder. "I do really have to get home
sometime tonight, Edward."

"I know," I sighed, rolling off of her. Lying on my side, she rolled onto hers to
face me.

"I have so much I need to tell you," she smiled, but her eyes darkened slightly.

"And I need to hear it," I nodded. "Only I don't know if you've ever noticed this
about me, but I'm a pretty impatient person."

She widened her eyes innocently, shaking her head. "Why, no! I never suspected
this of you!"

"It's true," I affirmed gravely. "So it sounds like I have a date with the tree of
doom tonight."

Her lips twitched, the joke forgotten. Tonelessly, she asked, "Tree of doom?"

I arched my eyebrow at her. "You climb it and see if you still laugh."

She smiled, reaching up to rub the two days' worth of scruff on my face. "I never
made my wish tonight. I could hope you don't fall."

"That would be much appreciated, kitten. If you could throw in something about
me not getting shot, that would be great too."

She closed her eyes, grinning cheekily.

"Please don't let Edward be shot, stabbed, maimed, or injured in any way tonight
when he attempts to conquer the tree of doom."

God, I love that girl.

Just for a minute

The silver forked sky

Lit you up like a star

That I will follow

13.

It had taken us a while to clean up, a twenty-minute lukewarm shower where I
couldn't stop kissing her and then thirty minutes of her in my sweats sitting on
my lap while her clothes dried. We silently agreed to not discuss anything until
back at her house, simply because I didn't want to have to stop without hearing
the whole story. Luckily, she didn't have a curfew at Charlie's, but judging by the
evil eye he gave me when I dropped her off that night, she'd probably be getting
one in the near future. I left her a little before midnight with a promise to return
in an hour.

As I changed the sheets in my bed, I tried to absorb the shock so I could think
properly. Maybe, because she had known she was moving here and therefore had
more time to adjust to the idea, she just wasn't in the same place as me
mentally. Because while she had been totally relaxed when she was in my arms
earlier, I was still trying to force my brain to believe and accept that tonight was
real.

It had to be a recent development. Bella was the worst liar on the planet and if
she had known about this for awhile, she'd never have been able to keep it in.
And I knew she wouldn't want to. For all I tried to keep my melancholy from
affecting her, my girl was pretty intuitive most of the time. She knew how much I
missed her and worried about her.

But I'd just talked to her two days ago. Two days ago she was packing for the
same visit as always. What the hell could have happened in two days to make her
suddenly up and move to Forks permanently? My overactive imagination could go
haywire trying to figure it out, but I couldn't let myself get worked up. I needed
my wits about me if I was going to channel my inner spy and survive Mission:
Impossible for the third time.

James Bond never had to sneak past the Chief.

.

An hour later, my car was parked around the corner from Bella's house, a safe
enough distance away to be undetected by the Chief, but close enough for me to
hopefully run to in case of an emergency. Like, him breaking down Bella's
bedroom door with a double-barrel rifle and catching me in her bed in the middle
of the night. I was pretty sure I'd figured out the key to surviving should that
come to pass. Jumping out the window and then running in a zigzag pattern
should prevent him from getting a clear shot.

As I walked quietly up to her house, I still couldn't believe this was real. The
whole day, really. From her finding me at the tree, telling me she was here to
stay, to us together at my house…We had sex. No, that sounded…impersonal. I
made love to Bella. This morning, I was a moping mess and tonight I was about
to crawl into my girlfriend's window the happiest guy alive. Distractedly, I

wondered if Jazz and Alice had sex. Ugh. With as much as they mauled each
other's mouths, I wouldn't be surprised.

Would we be like that, now that we had the chance? A stupid grin spread on my
face as I realized I would get to hold her hand between classes, maybe even
make out with her against her locker before school. As I grabbed the first branch
to hoist myself up, I imagined what it would be like to see her every day. For as
well as I knew her, inside and out, I'd only actually gotten to be in her presence
for about a dozen days in my life. As the branches rustled while I moved up
through the tree, she appeared in her window, smiling and looking so happy.

"Hi," she whispered.

I grinned at her as I reached the branch level with her window, waiting for her to
step aside so I could climb through. As soon as I was inside, she wrapped her
arms around my waist and I hugged her back tightly. We were so used to
needing to get as much affection in as possible that it would take some getting
used to, to not always need to be touching when we could.

"This still doesn't feel real," I said softly. "Try not to kill me if I'm a little clingy for
awhile."

She looked up and rested her chin on my chest. "I think I'll be able to handle it."

Kissing her once, I unwrapped myself from around her and pulled her to the bed.

"It's killing me. You've got to tell me. You know how my brain works. I'm thinking
abandonment, somebody died, somebody hurt you…"

"Stop it," she smiled, pushing me gently to get me to lie down. She crawled in
beside me and propped herself up with her elbow to face me on her side. I
mirrored her position and waited.

"Okay," she sighed. "So I was packing for my visit when she and Phil came home
from dinner and asked to talk to me downstairs. So I go down there and the first
thing I see is this giant freaking ring on her left hand. Phil proposed at dinner and
I was really happy for her, you know? And I totally zoned out while she was
talking about it, because all I could think was, now she's got somebody to take
care of her. I can go to college wherever and I don't have to worry about her
anymore. I was on, like, cloud nine just thinking about it," she grinned, but then
it slowly fell.

"But then when I started paying attention again to what she was saying, she was
talking about how great the Florida sunshine is, and I was like, huh? And it turns
out that Phil got signed to the majors, to some team in Florida and she said we
were moving again! Moving, as in, I wouldn't be flying from Forks to Phoenix, but
Forks to Florida. And it's just…she didn't ask me how I felt about moving, or Phil
being my stepdad…She's never even asked me if I liked him, which I do, but
that's not the point, you know? And she was ready to uproot me again and take
me across the country right before my last year of high school, without even
asking me how I felt about it. I've always thought she cares, but just in her own
way, you know, not in a normal way, but that she still does."

Her voice was thick and her eyes were getting glassy, so I reached down to grab
her hand and intertwine my fingers with hers. She smiled weakly, squeezing back
in thanks.

"But then I wasn't so sure anymore. Because this whole time she's just rambling
on and on about how great it is there and how much I'll love it, and how cool it'll

be for us to go to the beach together when she's in town. And all I could think
was, if I have to move, there's only one place I want to go. But then she goes
and says…She tells me that I can finish learning how to surf. And I just lost it. All
of these years I've been trying to do everything I can do to help her and be a
good daughter, and she just…doesn't know me at all. She doesn't know that I'm
afraid of the ocean, she doesn't know I've never once called Phoenix home, she
doesn't know me."

She paused, her eyes full of hurt and tears and I felt awful for her. Really, I just
felt awful. I'd hoped for this day to come, when Bella would finally see how selfish
Renee was, but I'd never wanted her to feel pain from the realization. I'd just
wanted her to be free, to be able to live her own life, to be happy.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered, wrapping my arms around her and holding her to
my chest. She sniffled, shaking her head. Shifting back a bit after a moment, she
looked up at me with such sadness. "So what happened? Did she give you the
choice to come here instead?"

She snorted, rolling her eyes. "Uh…no, not quite. More like, I threw a fit and ran
upstairs and locked myself in my room. I wasn't even thinking and I was just so
upset, and before I knew it, my hand was on the phone in my room and I was
calling my dad."

I raised my eyebrows, impressed. "You were always so scared to ask him."

"I know," she smiled sadly. "And now that I have, I feel really stupid for never
asking him before."

"Hey. No," I argued softly. "It's not your fault, Bella. You barely saw him and he
never even brought it u -"

"That's just it, though," she interrupted, her voice hard. "He did. Apparently he's
called my mom dozens of times over the years asking for me to come and visit
him more. He's even offered to come see me down in Phoenix. But she lied and
told him that I didn't want to have to see him more than I had to. And as far as
I'm concerned, she lied to me by never telling me that he called."

My mouth dropped open in shock, my brain too fried to form words. Tears started
to fall from her eyes, but I knew the look on her face. She was mad. Really mad.

"Why?" I choked out finally.

She shook her head angrily, more tears falling. "I don't know! I mean, I don't
know if she really hates him that much that she just wanted to hurt him, or if she
was afraid I'd want to live with him permanently and she'd lose the child support,
or I wouldn't be around to make dinner or what, but...how could she do that to
me?

"I mean, did she not even think about how much it hurt me to think that my dad
didn't care about me? And looking back on it, I feel really stupid, because he
always tried when I was here and it never matched up, you know? He saves all
his vacation time every year for our camping trip and doesn't even take a radio to
listen to. It's just him and me for two weeks, no work, no TV. And he seems so
happy when we're out there! But then every year, I go back and I don't hear
from him again until my birthday in September, and I don't know what to make
of it all."

"So he never brought it up because he didn't want to upset you and risk losing
the little time he had, and you never brought it up because you thought he didn't

want you. Because of her," I finished, trying to keep my anger from getting the
best of me. I was raised to never strike a woman, but I bet I could sic Alice on
Renee fairly easily with pleasant results. For me.

She nodded, breathing heavily. "So I called him and he was…Edward, he was so
happy. He was really mad too, when he found out I had no idea what he was
talking about, but oh my God. I think he was crying. He was so happy."

I smiled, my own eyes stinging. "I think I'm officially Team Charlie. Even though
he does have a gun and will kill me on sight if he finds me in your bed."

She laughed, covering her mouth with her hand. I grinned wider, happy to see
her not so upset now. I knew there was more I needed to know, but I didn't want
our whole night to be about tears. Even though it could cost me my life, I started
tickling her.

"Can't laugh, kitten. Don't wanna wake up the Chief," I warned lowly, ducking my
head under her chin to bite at her neck, tickling her with my scruff. She jerked
back and forth trying to escape, both of her hands clamped down on her mouth
as she tried not to scream. Suddenly, she went on the offensive, pushing her face
into a pillow and trying to tickle me back, so I jerked away. Her head came up
and she attempted to glare at me, but it wasn't nearly as intimidating as she
probably intended it to be.

I held my hands up in surrender before pulling her up so we could sit and face
each other. Leaning over, I kissed her slowly, sweetly. When we broke apart for
breath, she smiled at me beautifully.

"So what happened after you talked to Charlie?" I asked softly, sad to see her
smile fade away, knowing I probably wouldn't like what came next.

Running her fingernails up and down my forearm, she exhaled shakily. "I went
back downstairs to tell Renee I was moving to Forks. Lucky for her Phil had
already left, because she was just…She tried to tell me I didn't know what I was
saying, told me I was overreacting…When that didn't work, she tried to make me
feel guilty, asking me how I could want to leave the one person that's always
been there for me, for someone who doesn't even call. That was when I told her
that I already talked to my dad and she…she almost turned purple, she was so
mad.

"She just started screaming that she wouldn't let me move here, Forks is a dead
end, I'll never amount to anything if I live here…She started ranting and raving
about how this was all for that boy, I was throwing everything away to be with
that boy, I was going to end up just like her if I wasn't smart," she spat, her jaw
clenching in anger.

My hands were digging into the quilt beneath me as she relayed it all to me, all
the poison Renee had thrown at her. My body felt coiled to spring, too wound up
to stay still any longer. I jumped off the bed and began pacing back and forth
across her room. Raking my hands through my hair, I shook my head, frustrated.

"How? How could she say that to you?" I hissed, trying to have at least the
presence of mind to keep my voice down. "How could she hurt you this way? How
could sh-"

She swung her legs off the bed, walking over to me to stop my pacing. My hands
automatically gripped her waist as she placed her cool palms on either side of my
neck, tracing the lines of my jaw with her thumbs.

"Shh," she hushed me, pulling me down to her. I rested my forehead against
hers, taking deep breaths and trying to calm down. She was the one this
happened to. I needed to be supporting her right now.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I whispered, lowering to capture her lips, again and again
between my apologies. She kissed me back deeply, dragging me slowly back to
the bed. When her knees hit, she sat, breaking away from my mouth. I remained
standing, looking down on her as I tucked her hair behind her ears and stroked
her face.

"I'm sorry she said those things to you, Bella."

Her eyes fell from mine as she sighed. "I…I don't know how I feel about it all. I've
been taking care of her my whole life and I probably would have kept on doing
just that for who knows how long, but last night…Last night she showed me that
I'm not a daughter to her. The second I wouldn't do what she wanted, she was
done with me. She wouldn't even drive me to the airport; I had to call a cab.

"I'm just this mistake that happened to her a long time ago that she's been trying
to live a life in spite of. I'm like an accessory, or a pet, that's able to keep itself
fed and the house intact so she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants.
I was just something that would always be there when things fall apart to pick up
the pieces."

"You can't believe anything she said, Bella. You're none of those things-"

"I know," she nodded, smiling. "Because of you, I know."

"Me?" I echoed in disbelief.

"Of course," she answered, her eyes sincere. "My whole life, you've been my only
constant. You've always believed in me, always thought I was worth so much
more than I felt. And you've backed it up by showing me how much I'm worth to
you. When you stop your day to write me a letter, when you got a job just so you
could talk to me, when you tell me you think I'm pretty-"

"Beautiful," I interrupted, to which she rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"What I'm trying to say," she started again, warning me with her eyes and a
smile. "Is that the one person I can always count on has always been you. I trust
you more than I trust anyone. And after ten years of hearing you build me up,
there's nothing she could have said to me that would bring me down.

"I love you, boy."

"My girl," I whispered, leaning down to kiss her slowly. She broke away to scoot
up the bed and I followed, crawling up her body until I was hovering above her. I
kissed her deeply, tasting her tongue until I couldn't breathe, only to move down
her jaw and neck. With her chest pressed against mine, I could feel her heart
beat in time to mine. Her hands crept underneath my shirt, her fingernails raking
back down and almost making me groan. Loudly. Pulling back and breathing
heavily, I shook my head remorsefully.

"Bella. We have to stop."

Her eyes opened, unfocused. I kissed her once more gently, hoping she didn't
fight me on this. It wouldn't take much to break me as I could still vividly
remember how good it felt to be inside her. God, thinking about it was not going
to help.

"I know," she sighed. Oh, thank God.

"It's not that I don't want to," I began. This wasn't a rejection. This was an
integral part of Mission: Impossible. No sex while the Chief was home.

"I know," she smiled, then blushed. "I, um…I'm kind of sore anyway."

"I'm sorry," I grimaced, hating the idea of causing her pain. "Is there anything I
can do?"

"What? Like a massage?" she snickered, muffling it with her hand. I dropped my
forehead to her shoulder in embarrassment, chuckling.

"If you want," I joked, kissing her shoulder once before raising my head up again.
"I just hate that I hurt you. And I didn't last very long. I didn't make you…"

She smiled softly, shaking her head. "I don't really think girls do the first time. I
did before, if it makes you feel any better. But it was everything I wanted it to
be. I loved it…And I don't think it's supposed to hurt as much the next time…"

"Next time, huh?" I smiled, arching my eyebrow. Watching her carefully, I wanted
to know. "What made you decide you wanted a first time?"

She blushed and tried to look away, but I held her chin in my thumb and
forefinger.

"Bella," I prodded gently. "If we can't talk about it, we shouldn't be doing it."

"Well, you're putting me on the spot!" she responded hotly, her cheeks on fire.
Her eyes blazing, she arched her eyebrow.

"I couldn't think of anything else to give you for your birthday."

"Are you serious?" I choked, unsure whether I should be horrified or build her a
shrine. Her lips twitched, giving her away and she shook her head. I raised my
eyebrows, waiting.

Sighing, she gave up. "I told you why already. I went a whole year without seeing
you in person, hugging you, kissing you…I wanted to feel you, all of you. We
always said we wanted to do it when we wouldn't have to say goodbye and I'm
here now. To stay. I love you and I wanted to make love with you."

"There. Was that so hard?" I smirked, releasing her chin to drop a kiss on her
lips. "For the record, I love you and I wanted it too. Obviously."

She giggled, watching me shyly. "Was it okay?"

"No, kitten. It was perfect."

I held her in her small, squeaky bed for the rest of the night, talking about the
upcoming school year together, taking several important breaks for kissing, but
never getting too carried away. Mostly.

"What time does Charlie get up?" I whispered, my voice hoarse from lack of
sleep.

"Mmm…He's off, so seven," she rasped, barely awake.

"I have to go soon then," I told her. Pointing out her window, I smiled. "The sun's
about to come up."

It was still dark out, but in the distance I could see the edges of the clouds
beginning to turn pink and orange as they slowly spread throughout the sky. With
her draped across my chest, we watched silently as it steadily grew brighter and
brighter, only a sliver of hot yellow visible over the trees.

"Make a wish," she whispered, looking up at me with her chin on my chest.

I smiled, shaking my head. "I thought it didn't work on sunrises."

She shrugged, her own smile forming. "Maybe. Maybe not. What have we got to
lose?"

My arm around her shoulders, I brought her up to me for a quick kiss. The sun
finally broke free above the tree line, blinding bright white light before it was
softened by the clouds all around it.

Please…

Nope. I've already got everything.

Just…Thanks.

"I love you, girl."

Every now and then

The trend bucks

And you're repaired

By more than glue

14.

That summer was a whole new world to me. Much to my disdain, Charlie had still
wanted to take Bella on their annual camping trip, so I had to let her go only a
day after getting her back. I knew Bella would miss me and I understood her
reasoning for wanting to go with him; he had missed out on so much time with
her, he was so excited that she came to live there, blah, blah…Still didn't mean I
was happy about it. I didn't feel like it was completely real yet. What if she came
back and said she missed her mom too much? What if Renee and Phil broke up
and Renee showed up in Forks? What if…what if…what if…It only took one bitch-
out with Alice to snap out of it.

"Really, Edward?" she snapped, bringing me out of my daydream. I'd forgotten
they were even here.

"Really, what? I'm sorry, what'd you say?" I asked simply, confused.

"You go a whole year at a time without seeing her for an entire fucking decade
and now you can't even live without her for two weeks?"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Alice?" I snapped, irritated with her tone.
She made it sound like that had been easy.

"What I mean is, is she's going to be back in a week and a half, which means
she's only been gone for three days, and you're acting like she died! Snap out of
it! God! It's like you're moping just to mope," she huffed, fixing her ridiculous
beret on top of her head. French Impressionist this year. Little freak.

"I was just thinking," I argued weakly.

She rolled her eyes as Jasper made himself scarce. He never got in the middle of
one our rows.

"You plus thinking always equals brooding, which never leads to good things. It
leads to you being a sulking bastard, and if you don't shape up, I'm gonna tell on
you when Bella gets back. She wouldn't want you being like this.

"Are you gonna come with us to Port Angeles or not?"

"Huh?" I asked, not following.

"That's what I was trying to ask you when you were off in la-la land. Whatever's
got your panties in a bunch, just relax and talk to her when she gets back. So are
you coming?"

"What are we gonna do?" I asked, smiling as she ran to my closet to throw some
shoes at me.

"Pizza. Movie. Art supplies. Bookstore if you want, so you can get something for
Bella."

I grimaced as one of the boots nailed me in the shoulder. "Yeah, okay."

"And no brooding!" she shouted behind her as she ran downstairs to find Jasper.

"Who, me?" I called out innocently as she pounded through the house like an
elephant.

But I kept my word and did my best not to brood, or sulk, or pine, or mope, as
Alice clarified on the drive up to Port Angeles. Missing her was fine, but being a
bastard wasn't. She always had such a way with words. And I did my best to not
let my thoughts run away from me.

When Bella got back, I took her out for our second date at a restaurant in Port
Angeles and confided in her my deepest, darkest fear, because it just wouldn't
stop gnawing at me. And I did it not entirely eloquently.

As soon as we were seated, I blurted out. "I'm scared you'll leave if Renee shows
up needing help."

She jumped slightly at my sudden outburst, looking around self-consciously to
see if we'd, I'd, attracted attention. Clearing her throat, her answer made my
heart plummet.

"What kind of help?"

Not what I wanted to hear, Bella.

"Does it matter?"

That was probably a little harsh. She narrowed her eyes slightly and took a deep
breath.

"Well, yeah. If she showed up drunk or something, I'd probably have to call the
cops. If she showed up crying over her inevitable breakup with Phil, I'd probably
have to sneak out the backdoor to run to your house. If she showed up dying of
cancer, I'd probably have to do the right thing and call an ambulance or
something."

That was definitely a little harsh. And awesome.

"Really?" I gaped incredulously.

Her shoulders fell as her fingers ripped her straw wrapper to shreds.

"Look, I know that sounds mean, and I'm not a mean person, but…all I've ever
done for her is give, and all she's ever done is take. She took me from Forks, the
only place that's ever been home, she cost me ten years with my dad by lying,
she kept me from you when you were my only friend, she stole my childhood,
leaving me to take care of…everything, and I just don't have anything left of me
to give her. Right now it's too raw to say, but I don't know if she and I will ever
be able to fix this. Because even if she apologized for every single thing she's
ever done, she can't ever change it and give me those years back. And I don't
trust her as far as I can throw her, so even if she wasn't just apologizing to get
something out of me, I'd never believe it anyway.

"While me and my dad were gone, we talked a lot about it. He tried, Edward. He
tried so hard to be a part of my life. And it killed me to think he didn't want me
back then. Renee knew that. I don't think I can forgive that and I'll never forget
it.

"Do you really think I'd just up and leave?" she finished quietly, her voice full of
hurt and her eyes downcast. "Or is this just you thinking too much?"

Standing up from my seat across from her, I slid beside her in the booth. I picked
up her hand and placed my other on her cheek to turn her face toward me.

"Definitely the second one. I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered, leaning in to kiss her
softly. As always when we were kissing, we totally forgot our surroundings and
the kiss deepened naturally, until we were interrupted by the waitress arriving to
take our drink order, and I laughed at Bella's blush for being caught making out
in a restaurant. "Don't let me ruin our date, okay? I love you, I trust you, and I'm
so, so proud of you."

Resting her chin on my shoulder, she looked up at me with wicked eyes. "Fine,
you're forgiven. But you're buying me dessert. Maybe two. Something with lots of
chocolate and maybe some ice cream…"

Best. Girlfriend. Ever.

The rest of the summer after that talk was a lot smoother. When I wasn't
worrying about everything, things just sort of clicked into place all on their own.
She spent the days with Alice, Jasper, and me, sometimes one on one,
sometimes just the girls, sometimes all of us together. The one day that was
guaranteed to be only Bella and me was Charlie's first day off. He took Saturdays
for himself, to go fish with his friends at a nearby lake, and then watch college
ball at a friend's house, not returning until late at night. His second day off,
Sunday, was just for him and Bella, but I didn't care. Saturdays were all mine.

And we spent them naked.

My mom thought it was so incredibly sweet that I woke up so early to see her on
a weekend. Somehow, I seriously doubted she would find it sweet if she knew I
was working my way through the Things I Want To Do To Bella's Body list, one
Saturday at a time. My dad seemed to have a slightly better idea of what was
going on, because mysterious boxes of Trojans kept magically appearing in my
nightstand.

Six a.m.

"Hey. He just left."

"Give me five minutes."

Still aware enough to park around the corner in case Charlie ever forgot
something or came home early, I opened the door with the spare key she'd made
that was hidden under a loose board on the porch and let myself in, taking the
stairs up to her room two at a time. She was adorable, still lying in bed and
trying to wake up. She gave me a lazy smile and opened her arms, and I kicked
off my shoes to crawl into bed beside her. Pulling her close, I kissed her
immediately and smiled against her lips as I tasted the mint of her toothpaste.
She was always so weird about morning breath.

"Mm," she hummed. "I missed you."

"Just since yesterday?" I teased, kissing her fake pout away. "I did, too."

"One more kiss," she smiled. I grinned, rolling over her to kiss her. As the kiss
grew more heated, more urgent, the playful mood evaporated and left us
desperate for each other. With practiced precision, she undid the fly of my jeans
and pushed them down as I reached behind my neck to pull off my t-shirt.
Saturdays were the one day of the week I bothered with contacts, because it only
took us one day of my own half-blind fumbling to figure out that I needed to be
able to see if I wanted to work my way through The List properly. When I was left
in nothing but my boxers, I moved to even out our situation.

"This has to go," I mumbled into the skin of her stomach as I pushed her tank top
up. When my hands reached her breasts, I kept them there, leaving her to take it
off the rest of the way. As I kissed all over her soft flesh, I rolled and tweaked the
peaks of her breasts in the way I'd learned she liked.

Item number two on The List, after the clitoris. That had been a fun day.

One of these days, I was determined to try and make her orgasm just by fondling
her, but as of right now, I could never stay patient long enough. Watching her
arch into my hands, her breathing quick, her skin hot to my touch but covered in
goose bumps, it all made me so incredibly hard for her I thought I'd tear straight
through my boxers. As it was, I was grinding with little control against her soaked
panties, already closer to coming than was acceptable.

"Edward," she gasped out, pushing desperately at the elastic of my boxers. I took
the hint and slid my hands down her body to remove the last of both of our
clothing. I was inside her a second later, my eyes rolling back into my head as
her warmth and tightness engulfed me, setting my body on fire. Staying in this
position wasn't an option; I was two thrusts away from losing it, I could tell.
Leaning back on my haunches, I lifted her up and twisted us so I was sitting on
the edge of the bed, with her in my lap and me miraculously still inside her.

With her knees astride my body, she began to move up and down, gasping into
my mouth with every stroke down. It created a whole new level of depth that left

me gasping back into her mouth, my hands tight on her hips as I helped guide
her above me. Her arms were around my neck, her hands twisting in my hair, the
pleasurable pain giving me enough distraction to last just a little while longer.

I could feel her starting to tighten around me, the telltale signs of her orgasm
coming. The flush across her chest, the scrunch of her eyes shut tight, her lips
slightly parted, the tilt of her head back, all of it meant she was close. I leaned in
and kissed her neck and chest with rough, openmouthed, biting kisses,
intermittent with sweeps of my tongue to soothe the sting. Keeping one hand
firm on her back as she continued to slide up and down, I slid my other down to
her center and found her clit immediately. I rubbed in small circles gently, even
as both of our thrusts came harder and faster. The pulsing pleasure where we
were joined began to pound, until I was unable to think of nothing but lasting just
one second longer, needing to feel her stiffen in my arms.

And then she did, an unintelligible cry escaping her lips as she froze, letting me
manipulate her body up and down twice more before I too came, capturing her
lips with mine. She swallowed my groan as I collapsed back on the bed, holding
my arms around her tightly to keep her close.

"That," I panted, "is new favorite position number two."

"Really?" she asked, still slightly out of breath herself. "It knocks out from
behind?"

"I'm afraid so," I smiled lazily. "I like to see your face when you come."

I could feel her blush on my chest as I said the words, making me grin wider.
Pulling her up, I buried my face in her hair and whispered in her ear.

"But nothing's better than me over you, making you scream."

She moaned in response, turning her head to kiss me aggressively as my dick
slowly came back to life. All hail teenage hormones.

Every day that summer was better than the last, and I honestly couldn't
remember a time in my life when I'd been happier. Every so often, I'd still leave
her a letter, just to tell her how much she meant to me. She reciprocated in kind
when I'd least expect it, just so she could tell me how happy she was with me in
her life. The whole summer just flew by, until we were well into August and about
to start our senior year. She and I took the day for ourselves, disappearing to the
tree no one else knew about, the place that would always be just for us.

"Are you nervous about starting school tomorrow?" I whispered, my eyes closed
as I lay on the ground and she sat above me, tracing small circles on my wrist
and hand. If she didn't quit soon, I was going to fall asleep.

"Yeah," she answered, always honest. "I'm nervous about walking into a school
that's smaller than just my junior class in Phoenix, when they've all known each
other since birth. I'm glad we've got Alice and Jasper, but I just know people are
going to stare. I hate that."

I snorted. "Yeah, they're going to stare, alright. The whole school's thought I was
gay ever since I ran away from Lauren trying to stick her tongue down my throat.
And tomorrow I'm going to pull into the parking lot with you by my side and stick
my tongue down your throat."

"Edward!" she laughed, smacking me in the chest. "You better not. I'm not trying
to give people reasons to stare."

Behind closed lids, I rolled my eyes. "Bella. You're the first new kid since Alice
came in ninth grade. Before that, it was Jasper in seventh. And nobody since.
They're going to stare...

"Besides," I shrugged. "I need to stake my claim early. Ward off any potential
admirers."

Now it was her turn to snort. "Yes, Edward, I can only imagine. I'll walk into
school tomorrow and boys will be at every turn offering to carry my books and
'help me study.'"

Frowning, I opened my eyes and propped up on my elbows. "That's exactly what
I think will happen. You're the most beautiful girl in the world-"

"You're the only one who thinks so, Edward," she interrupted, shaking her head.

Growling playfully, I tackled her to the ground, hovering above her. "Don't." Kiss.
"Interrupt." Kiss. "Me." Kiss.

Smirking, she zipped her lips and batted her lashes at me innocently. Rolling my
eyes at her, I continued.

"You are the most beautiful girl in the world. Just because the boys at your old
schools were too intimidated by that fact and your genius doesn't mean the guys
here will be. The dating pool here is incredibly shallow. They're going to be all
over you."

"I thought we were supposed to be helping me lose my nerves," she pointed out.

"Well, what about my nerves? Now, all I can picture is every boy in school sniffing
after the fresh meat," I frowned thoughtfully.

"Too bad for them I'm already taken, then," she smiled, arching her eyebrow.

"That you are," I grinned, leaning down to kiss her again. "But at least you're at
an advantage. You've been hearing about all of them for ten years."

"I'll know who to stay away from?" she interrupted again, finishing my thought. I
nodded and she smiled indulgently. "Lauren and Jessica, gossiping queens and
semi-stalkers."

"Exactly. Even if you're being generous with the 'semi' intro. Never listen to a
word they say. They'll alternate between cutting you down to your face or behind
your back. And if you see them within a five-foot radius of me, save me. Please."

"Right," she nodded. "Mike, Tyler, and Eric, 'kings' of school. Super popular and
obviously who I should be spending all my time with."

"Ri-Hey!" I laughed, squeezing her sides in punishment. "Minor correction. Mike,
Tyler, and Eric, 'kings' of school. Super popular and obviously who you should
stay far, far away from unless you want me to get suspended for fighting."

"You better not!" she gasped. Shaking her head at me in admonishment, she
smiled. "You know I'm yours, Edward. I have been for ten years."

"Well, I know that and you know that, but they don't," I pouted. But in a manly
way.

"I don't care about them," she said softly. "And you shouldn't either. The game
plan is: no talking to catty girls or flirty boys. I'm going to be valedictorian. I
think I can keep up with that."

"I have no doubt that you can keep up with that. But don't think that just
because you're my girl I'm going to let you steal my valedictorian spot.
Salutatorian is an honorable second place and you'll still get into any school you
want with that," I joked.

"Oh, Dickward, how I have missed you!" she mocked. "It's always nice when you
come out to play."

"Not bein' a dick, kitten, just tellin' ya how it is," I smirked, barely jumping away
in time before her hands started swinging. I backed up against our tree and she
advanced, stopping as her eyes focused on something to the left of me. Following
her line of vision, I smiled as I saw the carved heart, our initials still inside.

Smiling softly at her, I pulled her into my lap and she snuggled into my chest.
Speaking lowly into her hair, I held her close to me. "We're going to be fine. We
survived ten years apart. I'm positive we can survive senior year at Forks High.
I'm just glad you're finally back to stay, even if we are just going to leave again
in a year. At least this time I get to take you with me."

"Get to? You're stuck with me until I say otherwise," she murmured, the smile
audible in her voice.

"Well then, I'm just going to have to banish the word otherwise from your
vocabulary...And I know that's cheesy, even for me," I grinned, pecking the top
of her hair. She lifted her head, noticing the neon clouds spreading across the
sky, blocking the slowly disappearing sun from view.

"I've already got you, friends, and everything else we need. What can I wish for?"
she mused aloud, more to herself than me.

"I'm wishing for you to go with me to prom," I said nonchalantly.

"Hmph. Well, now you're really not getting it, because you told me," she sniffed. I
rolled my eyes, tucking her in closer to me.

"We'll see."

I was serious.

Please help me convince Bella to let me take her to prom. I just want one dance.

She should have known she couldn't mess with the power of the wish.

We both laugh out loud

And surrender to it

The sheer force of sky

And the cold magnet Earth

15.

Senior year was…a little bit of everything. The truth was, I was more nervous
about our first day than I let on to Bella, because I knew we'd been in a bubble
over the summer. It was easy to say we wouldn't let anything come between us,
but an entirely other thing to make it happen. Rumors in a small town could be
painful and hard to ignore; bored teenagers could be vicious and cruel. I didn't
want Bella to doubt my faith in her, so I tried to shake the feelings off myself, but
I could never be anything but honest with her.

"I'm so nervous."

"Not any more than me," I laughed shakily, pulling into the parking lot. Her head
whipped around, her eyes curious.

"You're not seriously worried about me getting swept off my feet by the likes of
Mike Newton," she said incredulously.

I shook my head, laughing easier now as I parked. "Honestly, Bella, you'll
probably barely see him. I don't know that he can even spell the word 'honor,' let
alone be in an advanced class."

"And you'll be in all my classes anyway, right? Except for P.E.," she grumbled,
glaring at the building in the distance. "It's such bullshit that those classes didn't
transfer."

I smiled weakly, reaching over for her hand. She turned back around and looked
me in the eye, trying to understand. "That's the thing, though. Every class. What
if you get sick of me?"

"What if you get sick of me?" she shot back immediately.

My eyes and mouth opened wide in shock and I started to argue, but then I
caught her smirk and raised eyebrows.

"Point taken," I coughed, nodding to her. She smiled and leaned over the
console, reaching over to rub my cheek with the heel of her hand.

"I always like this right after you shave, because it's so soft and smooth," she
murmured, transfixed on her hand. "But then I like it when it's all scruffy,
because you look like the tortured musical genius I love so much, too."

A laugh escaped my lips and her eyes finally met mine.

"I know you can't just turn off worrying about me like a light switch, because old
habits die hard and you've been doing this for ten years. And a huge part of that
is my fault. I should have come here years ago, but I didn't, and I'm sorry I
made you worry so much for me. But I'm here now, and I'm never choosing
anyone over you again."

I exhaled shakily, oblivious to everything else in the world around me except for
the girl in front of my eyes. "Heavy talk for the first day of school, huh?"

"I know!" she exclaimed, punching me in the shoulder. "So lighten up, my old
tortured soul. Tell me who all these people are that are staring at me."

Smirking, I looked around the lot. "Okay," I pointed out, swallowing my nerves.
"Over there by that red Honda. Those two girls glaring daggers at you? The
blonde is Lauren, the brunette is Jessica. I hope you get partnered with at least
one of them in P.E. and injure them in a way where they're unable to speak. It
would be a service to the entire school."

She giggled nervously, waving sarcastically at the two girls, who quickly looked
away.

"Alright," I continued, spotting Mike and his crew over by Tyler's van. "Mr. All-
American there is Mike. The Asian guy is Eric, the black guy is Tyler. They haven't
spotted us yet, but I am seriously considering mauling you in front of them when
we walk past."

"Are you really that much of a caveman that you need to stake your claim on me,
Edward?" she asked tonelessly, her eyebrow arched.

"Yes," I replied, with no hesitation.

She huffed, but I saw the corners of her lips turn up. "Okay. Let's say,
hypothetically, that I let you piss on my leg in front of them. Do you really think
that this will discourage them from trying to talk to me?"

My eyebrows shot up to my hairline, shocked we were seriously discussing this.
"Uh…honestly, I don't know. I'm not gonna lie, Bella, they're about as smart as a
bag of rocks. But a man can only hope."

She chewed on her lip while she thought it over, right as Mike and his crew took
notice of her and did a visible double take at her sitting in my car. They were
nudging each other with their elbows and staring straight at her, alternating
between blatantly checking her out and sending sneers in my direction. Bella's
eyes narrowed to slits and before I could say a word, she spoke.

"Let's go."

Obediently, I got out of the car and walked around to open her door, helping her
out quickly. She kept a tight hold of my hand as we started to walk toward the
building, on a path that would take us directly in front of both the stalkers and
the jocks. I wasn't a hundred-percent sure what Bella's plan was. She didn't say
'yes' or 'no,' she said 'let's go.' And the closer we got to them, the more I realized
that the mature thing to do would be to simply walk past them, ignore them, and
go about our day.

But then Bella abruptly stopped in front of Tyler's van, turned around and totally
eye-fucked me.

Licking her lips, she stepped a little closer to me and spoke in a breathy voice,
but loud enough to carry over to the rapt audience only a few feet away. "Last
night was so amazing."

She draped her arms on my shoulders and licked her lips again, still looking at
me like she was really wanting a replay of 'last night.' Only we weren't together
last night, and she was totally letting me piss on her leg right now,
metaphorically speaking, of course. We weren't really into kinky stuff. But if there
had ever been a time when I might consider exhibitionism, it would totally be
now.

"I love you," I said, my voice so low I almost didn't recognize it. Pulling her to me
by the waist, I leaned down and kissed her thoroughly, my tongue mimicking
what I wanted to be doing to her right now. We were so skipping lunch. When we
finally broke apart, she lovingly took off my foggy glasses, cleaning them with the
bottom hem of her t-shirt before placing them back on my face, a small smile
playing on her lips.

That small gesture, just that simple, small thing, brought me back to the place
where it was just her and me. To everybody else, we might look mismatched, we
might look overly infatuated and sure to burn out, but we knew what we really
were.

Bella's Edward and Edward's Bella.

Of course it wasn't quite as easy as all that. Mike and Tyler both still tried to ask
her out, taking advantage of the week I had a bad cold and missed school. When
Bella brought over some soup and cough syrup after school that day, she recalled
it all to me with a bland tone and a heavy dosage of eye-roll. And then we
laughed about it together.

Lauren worked overtime to spread rumors about Bella and me, ranging from her
being pregnant and not knowing the father, therefore roping me into the
responsibility of raising the child, to her using me for help with homework, to me
paying her off so she would pretend to be my girlfriend because I was really gay.
That one really never got old, apparently.

The only reason I knew about any of them was because Alice stayed on top of all
of it, shutting gossipers down immediately and then relaying the latest soap
opera plotline to me, as the kids in our honors' classes didn't really follow the
buzz of the rumor mill. I didn't really care; I was used to it. As long as Bella
wasn't upset by it all, it just didn't matter. And all she ever did was laugh at
particularly outrageous ones and shrug off the rest. Though from what I heard,
she didn't try very hard to curb her clumsiness in P.E. when she was paired up
with Lauren or Jessica.

With September came her seventeenth birthday which was bittersweet, because
it was the first she'd spent with Charlie since she was a little girl and the first I'd
ever gotten to spend with her. Charlie took the four of us to Seattle for the day to
sightsee, visiting Pike's Place, the pier, and then the Space Needle for dinner.

The one shadow on the day was that Renee never called.

Classes were tough, but at the end of September, we got our early acceptance
admission letters to Stanford. I ran over to Bella's house with mine in hand and
grabbed hers from the mailbox on my way in, ecstatic when I saw her envelope
matched the size and weight of mine. Bella was jumping up and down screaming
so loud that her dad came running into the kitchen with his gun cocked, until I
explained I didn't try to kill her, she just got into college. Three times in my life
have I seen Chief Swan smile, and that was the biggest grin of them all.

I almost fainted when Bella started talking about the two of us living together in
California, right in front of her dad.

But then he had shocked me, by simply giving me a rueful smile and a shake of
his head, explaining he had expected as much. I still got the hurt-my-daughter-
and-die speech a few days later when I came to pick up Bella for a date, but I
happened to know for a fact that the rifle wasn't loaded. Bella hid the bullets. I
still broke out into a little bit of a sweat, but at least I didn't piss myself.

From then on out, class work was just a semi-serious competition between Bella,
Jasper and I for valedictorian, even though we were all sort of expecting Ben
Cheney to win out in the end. I no longer agonized over an uncertain future and,
unlike a lot of my fellow students, I didn't agonize over my very certain future,
either. Academically speaking, senior year sort of coasted.

Relationship-wise, it was a process as we learned our way around each other,
with each other. It was a learning and teaching experience for both of us; of give-
and-take, of communication versus internalization, of me remembering the
chocolate the second week of every month. We had to make time for homework,
Alice and Jasper, our parents, each other and ourselves. We figured out that we
needed to do our English homework separately, because I thought it was boring
and would annoy her to death, while we worked better on our math together,
checking each other's as we went. We learned that a little bit of absence from
each other did indeed make the heart grow fonder, but we only needed maybe a
day away from each other every so often, definitely not a year.

The fall months passed, turning into a white winter. At the ripe age of seventeen,
Bella had her first snowball fight. She and I still had our Saturdays; she and
Charlie still had their Sundays. The months passed slowly and too quickly, all at
the same time. I didn't rush between classes with my head pointed down
anymore; I held Bella's hand as we walked together slowly. I didn't brood
through lunch while Alice and Jasper held each other and talked; the bell rang too
quickly now before I had time enough to hold Bella. Winter gave way to spring,
and there were days when I thought if I had to hear her clack her pen between
her teeth one more time I would scream, there were days when I thought hearing
that stupid fucking pen between her teeth was the cutest thing on earth.

The end of the year was coming and with it, prom. I'd never really thought the
wish would be enough, but I'd never imagined Charlie would end up being the
one to convince her to go. It shouldn't really have come as such a shock, given
the Daddy's girl Bella had become. Living together had been a huge adjustment
for both of them, but it had happened almost seamlessly, given their similarities
in personality. When he came home from work in the evenings, there was always
a special light in his eye if he saw Bella smiling or laughing, and Bella had a
special smile that was just for the Chief.

And that was why it only took one offhanded remark by him about how much
he'd love to get to see her all dressed up before she caved. Go Team Charlie.

Jasper and I donned matching black tuxes and picked the girls up from Bella's
house, where both of them were waiting for us. Alice was…as Alice as ever,
wearing a dress made entirely of bottle-caps. Jasper held her arm in his with
pride. Bella smiled at me shyly from in front of the fireplace where Charlie was
waiting to take pictures. Her shoes were flat and sparkly, her hair was down and
curly, her face was untouched and flawless, her dress was simple and blue.

She was painfully beautiful to me.

"I don't know how to dance," she whispered as we walked into the gym.

"You mentioned this already. Several times," I whispered back, taking in the
ridiculous disco ball and Coach Clapp's polyester jumpsuit. She smacked my chest
and glared at me while I rubbed the spot in mock pain. "You're very abusive, you
know."

"You're very annoying, you know," she muttered, narrowing her eyes on the
drama kids swinging and twirling each other around the makeshift dance floor. Of
course she would only focus on the half-dozen people actually dancing, and

completely miss the majority of students just swaying back and forth. "That
is…do not…I am not doing that. I don't want to break my leg. Please don't let me
fall, Edward."

I snickered, wrapping my arm around her waist. "I could say something really
cheesy right now about never letting you fall, but I won't, 'cause I don't want to
get hit again."

I felt her hand twitch between us. Smiling, I placed myself in front of her and
took her hands in mine, slowly walking backward towards the dance floor. She
followed hesitantly, her eyes flitting all around the room.

"Hey," I said, just loud enough for her to hear over the music. Her eyes focused
on mine, ignoring the stares of several people around us. "Gimme one dance.
One smile. It's all I'm asking."

She bit her lip to hide her smile and looked down, but I still saw it. She
remembered.

"One dance. No smiles. C'mere."

She tugged on my hands and I came, wrapping them around her waist as she
wrapped hers around my neck. Leaning down, I whispered in her ear.

"Kitten. Don't make me use the Claw in front of all these people."

I wiggled my fingers at her waist once to show her I meant business and she
looked up at me, grinning.

"Don't you dare, Edward."

I smiled back at her and continued stepping from foot to foot, with only minor toe
damage done by Bella.

"Coming here tonight…it was just one of those normal teenage things we'll never
get to do again. It was something I wanted, for the both of us. I know you didn't
really want to, but…thank you for giving me this, Bella."

She smiled softly up at me, shaking her head.

"No. I'm glad we came. And if we're going to do it, let's do it all the way, okay?"

I furrowed my brow, confused but intrigued. "What do you mean?"

"You know," she grinned mischievously. "Awkward backseat sex before you take
me home. Spin me around if you want. Dip me, twirl me, but I swear to God,
Edward Cullen, if you drop me-"

I grinned widely, twirling her out and away from me before she could finish,
spinning her back to me where she bumped into my chest hard. She tried to
scowl while laughing, but didn't quite succeed. I spun her and dipped her and
kissed her until Mrs. Cope tapped my shoulder and shook her head
disapprovingly, making both of us laugh as soon as she walked away. Alice
jumped between us out of nowhere, Jasper following her closely and eyeing her
warily.

"Don't touch the punch," he warned, his eyes fixed on Alice. "One of those idiots
spiked it. She had three cups before I figured it out."

My eyebrows shot up my forehead and I glanced over to the refreshment table,
where sure enough, Tyler and Mike were watching the punch bowl with
unguarded interest through glassy eyes. Looking back to Bella, I saw Alice had
dragged her to the middle of the dance floor and was twisting around like she
was having a seizure while laughing loudly. Bella was watching her, bemused and
shaking her head, holding onto Alice's hands in what looked like a losing effort to
keep her steady and upright.

"You wanna go get something to drink?" Alice yelled, right in Bella's ear, but loud
enough for us to hear. "The punch is soooo good."

"Uh…no, she doesn't," I muttered, already moving toward them with Jasper on
my heels. "You get yours, I'll get mine. Wanna go to the diner to sober her up?"

He nodded gratefully as we reached them and he wrapped an arm around a
tittering Alice. Three cups of who-knows-what in her ninety-pound body…I really
hoped she didn't throw up.

And somehow, she didn't. We spent the next few hours in the diner, still all
dressed up, laughing, eating fries, and drinking coffee. Alice started to crash
early, so Jasper took her on home, while Bella and I did the same, with a small
detour and an awkward fumble in the backseat, just like she promised.

It was a great night.

The last month of school was a blur of end-of-year exams, final projects, and
planning for the move to California. From finding a place to live to figuring out a
budget, we realized there was a lot more to it than either of us could ever have
expected. After talking with Jasper, we decided on a two-bedroom apartment for
the three of us. I was given a partial music scholarship and Bella received a grant
that gave us some cushion until we could line up part-time jobs after the move.
My parents and Charlie would send us a little help each month as well, so while
we wouldn't be rolling in money, we would be comfortable enough to not have to
live off of Ramen three meals a day.

But most important of all, we would be together.

"I wish we could take this with us," Bella sighed, curling deeper into my side as
we lay together on a blanket underneath the tree. My fingers traced the heart
and our initials on the bark as I smiled wistfully.

"Every time we come back to visit, we'll come here, kitten. I promise," I
answered, hugging her tighter to me. The daylight was fading fast, and Charlie
wanted her back as soon as possible to have one last night with her before we
left tomorrow.

"Do you think we'll find a new special place in California?" she asked, tilting her
head up to look at me.

I smiled down at her, stroking her cheek. "We're gonna make all kinds of new
places out there. Our favorite study place, favorite coffee place, favorite I've-got-
to-get-away-from-you-right-now-before-I-kill-you place…"

She burst out laughing, lifting herself up to lay on me with her chin resting above
my heart. "I hope we don't need that place too often."

I shook my head, brushing her hair back out of her face. "We'll always be okay.
And not because we've been together forever and we have to be, not because of

a wish…but because I love you. And I'll always do anything I can to make it okay,
if you'll do the same."

Her eyes danced as she shook her head, smiling. "When'd you grow up, boy?"

"Dunno," I shrugged. "But aren't you lucky?"

"Fucking Dickward!" she laughed, smacking me on my arm. Grinning, I caught
her wrist and pulled her up my body until her face was right above mine. She
chewed on her lip as she looked down on me, which meant she was thinking
about something.

"What?"

"I'll always try, too. To make us okay, if we're not," she said softly.

Smiling, I nodded.

"I know you will, girl."

I closed my eyes as she dropped down to kiss me, rolling her underneath me as it
grew into more.

We made love under our tree, hidden away behind giant roots and hanging
branches. Neither of us saw the sun go down, but we didn't miss it. We were
growing up, with a lot more left to go, but what made this place special couldn't
be found in a carving in bark or a chance prayer at dusk. This place was special
because we'd made it so, through our love and mistakes, through both the pain
and the joy of the memories we'd made here. But all of that was in us and we
weren't leaving it here. It would always be with us.

All because eleven years ago, the little girl that became the woman beneath me,
made me promise to remember her.

And I did.

And if I had to do it all over again to get to this point, knowing each and every
pain I'd have to go through to get her, I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Because eleven years ago was when my heart started beating for her anyway.

Painted in flames

All pealing thunder

Be the lightning in me

That strikes relentless

The End…The Beginning

16.

I drove down the highway as fast as the roads and weather would allow, but the
rain was pounding something fierce, making my windshield wipers work overtime.
A quick glance down at my cell – still no service.

Not that she was very likely to answer anyway.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

'*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*'

Freshman year – thirteenth grade. Classes weren't easy, per se, just basic. We
could work with each other on a lot of the homework, with the exception of
Jasper's physics labs, Bella's creative writing essays, and my music theory
analyses. None of us were completely one-hundred percent sure what we wanted
to be, but we had an idea. She lucked out with a part-time job in the campus
library and I stayed busy with my internship while we both took a full load of
classes.

Jasper and Alice traded off weekends on driving to see each other, so every other
weekend, I either got to watch my girlfriend giggle with her best friend on the
couch over pizza and Monty Python marathons, or I got her all to myself.

Life was win – win.

Or at least it was win after one minor nuclear fallout occurred because Jasper and
I were 'filthy, disgusting sloths that have another thing coming if we think she'll
be cleaning up after our pig asses for the next four years.'

The next morning there was a daily chores list on the fridge, and we've been
good ever since.

I bought her some flowers anyway.

'*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*'

Twenty minutes out of Forks, the rain was still pouring in buckets, but I finally
had a signal.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up," I murmured as the phone rang and rang and rang.

"Hi, you've reached Bella Swan. I'm not available right now, but please leave me
a message, unless you're Edward Cullen. If you're Edward Cullen, please fuck
off."

I groaned, ending the call and tossing my cell onto the passenger seat. I
understood what she thought had happened. But she couldn't have been more
wrong. She had to listen to me.

After fifteen years, I wasn't going anywhere without a fight.

'*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*'

Sophomore year – the year things got harder, made us work for it. Jasper had to
pretty much disappear into his studies during the week if he wanted to get to
spend any time with Alice on the weekend. I had to attend performances in the
area to analyze and write reports on, Bella had to do the same thing with plays
and writing seminars. Between that, work, and our regular classes, I woke up one
day to a cold bed and realized that we hadn't slept together in almost a month.

Getting up and walking through the apartment to the kitchen, I smiled sadly at
the plate of muffins Bella left out for Jasper and I, trying to remember the last
time I had done something like that for her. When did we fall into this rut? How
did I bring us out of it?

It didn't look like I was going to Statistics today. I had a new project to work on.

And it was pretty easy to figure out how we fell into this rut after looking over our
schedules. Because it was hard not to, if I didn't make a conscious effort to take
advantage of every over-lapse we could get during the week. By the time Bella
made it home that evening, I'd made sure Jasper would be in his room for the
rest of the night, the kitchen was clean, dinner was made, and I just needed to
see what she thought of my ideas.

"Edward?" she asked, her eyes wide as she clicked through the various
spreadsheets and other programs I had used to input our information and discern
the most effective timetable.

"Yeah?"

"You…wow, baby. You went to a lot of trouble for this. I…It feels like the year you
got a job just to talk to me. Thank you."

"Do you…does it sound good? I've missed you, kitten."

"I've missed you so much, too. And this sounds great, but…this Powerpoint
thing…is that a pie graph?" she pointed, her bottom lip sucked into her mouth.

"Er…yeah."

"For sex?"

She looked at me for the first time, and I couldn't tell if she was disgusted or
amused.

"Um…yeah. See, this part shows times during the week when we have the most
ti-"

"Edward?" she interrupted, closing the laptop.

"Yeah?"

"Would you rather explain the sexytime, or go have the sexytime?"

I tossed her over my shoulder and ran to the bedroom.

'*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*'

I reached Forks and drove straight to the tree line, hoping beyond hope that she
might have come here, even though she had no clue I had followed her to
Washington. If Jasper hadn't convinced Alice to listen to me, I'd still be at home
ripping my hair out without knowing she'd cashed in our Christmas ticket early.

I ran through the rain to our tree, terrified I might find her there, terrified I
wouldn't.

No dice.

Climbing back into my car, I shook my now-drenched arms out as I started up
the ignition again and gunned it down the street to head to her house. As I

passed the police station, I almost cried in relief when I saw Charlie's cruiser in
the parking lot. It would be hard enough to convince Bella not to kill me on sight.

I flew into her driveway, throwing the car into park behind another one with the
same rental sticker on the bumper as mine.

Looking up, I saw it.

Her light was on. She was there.

'*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*'

Junior year – the year that tested us the most. It wasn't the busy schedules; it
wasn't the increased work as Bella became officially declared B.A. English Lit and
I became officially declared B.A. Music Theory with a Minor in Performance.

No. Time was something precious that we grabbed a hold of every chance we got,
and we shared everything.

Everything.

But sharing everything? It meant that when her partner in World Lit started
asking her out?

She told me.

She told me he was a flirt, she told me she wasn't interested, and she told me
that she couldn't do anything about it, because he wasn't crossing a line and their
final project was responsible for almost half her grade in the class.

We'd both been asked out by other people over the years, but it was always
easily dealt with, always something we could laugh about later. Because it usually
only took one rejection for someone to go away.

But this fucker wasn't going anywhere 'til the end of the semester. And every
time I picked Bella up from the library, we'd be as polite as could be to each
other until Bella's back was turned. And then he'd give me that look, that fucking
look that meant, I want your girl.

Which left me anxious. And angry. And increasingly irrational.

Which left her defensive. And irritated. And infuriatingly rational.

"You're late," I accused, the second she stepped through the door.

"Hello to you, too," she waved, dropping her bag down with a thud. "My day was
fine, thanks for asking. How was yours?"

I set my jaw, not in the mood. It was past eight-thirty, and she'd said eight. She
looked at my face and sighed, shaking her head and looking away.

"We came across a reference for a rare edition that needed checking out. It took
us a long time to track it down and then go through it. We just…lost track of
time," she shrugged apologetically.

"That happens a lot with him, it seems," I muttered bitterly. She walked over to
the kitchen table and took a seat across from me.

"That's not fair," she argued. "We were working, not hanging out. It's for my gra-
"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. For your grade. For you, it's just a project. But he wants
you, and he's not going to stop 'til he gets you."

"Okay, first of all, stop making me sound like a Happy Meal toy. Second of all,
you make it sound like it's an inevitability that he'll get me. That's not happening.
He asks me out every Tuesday and Thursday, and every Tuesday and Thursday, I
say no. And then I come home to you. Grumpy, grouchy you," she smiled, trying
to snap me out of my mood as she reached her hand across the table for me to
take.

I slipped my hand into hers, sighing heavily.

"I don't know what it is about him, Bella," I admitted quietly. "I just see a guy
that's better looking, has more in common with you than I do, and he's fucking
relentless."

"He's annoying is what he is," she huffed. "He doesn't know me at all, Edward,
and I don't know him. The only thing that we have in common is our major and
he is not better looking than you. I…God! Don't you know how gorgeous you are
to me?"

I shook my head stubbornly, trying to pull my hand back, but she wouldn't let
me. Holding firm, she tugged at me until I would meet her eyes. My chest
tightened, curling in on itself.

"Don't shut me out like that. Talk this out with me. He's…Edward, I don't know
what his game is. I don't know if I'm the game, or a challenge, or if he genuinely
thinks he likes me, but I don't care. Chances are, he's just never been told 'no'
before. And the thing is, is that I don't have any choice but to tell him 'no'.
Because my heart's not mine to give.

"I'm yours, boy."

At once, my chest expanded, as if I'd just taken my first breath. Her eyes were
fiercely determined, begging me to believe her, to let this go. I tugged her hand
to get her to stand and then pulled her into my lap, crushing her to me.

"Mine," I whispered.

"Yours," she whispered back. "But only if you're mine, too."

"Always. Always yours, girl."

'*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*'

I knocked on the door to no avail.

"Bella! C'mon! Please just open the door. Give me five minutes and I can explain
everything, I swear it."

Cursing, I kicked the door once before checking the old floorboard in the porch.
Cursing again, I stomped it back into place. Nothing. I tried every window and
door, all of them locked, curtains closed.

"Bella. I know you're in there," I shouted, trying to be heard over the rain
pounding down on the roof above me. If I thought she could hear me clearly
enough, I'd just explain it all through the fucking door. Running to the side of the
house, I yelled up to her window. "Bella, please!"

Nothing.

My eyes locked on the tree of doom, my old nemesis and partner in crime.

"We meet again," I grunted, hoisting myself up the first branch.

'*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*'

Senior year – the year that everything was falling into place. We were set up to
apply for our Master's as soon as we graduated. Jasper would be completing his
at UCLA, since that was where Alice hoped to work after graduation. Bella and I
would still be living together, but I didn't want it to be as just boyfriend and
girlfriend anymore. I didn't care if we drove to Vegas for the weekend and got
married at a drive-thru chapel by Elvis or waited until we were done with school.

I just wanted my ring on her finger.

And not just any ring. That ring. The one we saw in a little antiques shop one day
when we were walking around together, the one that made her eyes light up for a
split-second before she tried to mask it and just keep walking. She didn't want
me to see, because I had purposefully dodged any discussions about marriage
and engagement for the last few months. I wanted to throw her off the trail and
catch her completely off guard. Take her completely by surprise and sweep her
off her feet.

But how to get it as a twelve-dollar-an-hour paid intern? A little more
complicated.

I stalked that shop every week, praying every time I passed by that the ring
would still be in the window. And on one such day, I got waved inside by an
amused, middle-aged woman, who I came to find out was the owner of the shop.
We got to talking, and I ended up spilling my guts to her. I told her how Bella and
I first met, our relationship over the years, our future plans for school, and that
was when I got lucky and hit a home run.

Her daughter was getting married and needed a pianist for two different
engagement parties, the rehearsal, wedding and reception.

There was no way that that equaled the value on that ring, but she didn't care.
All she wanted, she'd said, was for her daughter to have the wedding of her
dreams, and for me to get a chance at my own.

I could have kissed her.

I met her daughter and her fiancé, both really nice people. They listened to me
play and hired me on the spot.

The only hard part was keeping it from Bella. I had to meet with the soon-to-be
bride to discuss different pieces, practice for the upcoming parties, had to go to
the upcoming parties, all while not letting her know. If she'd known I was playing
a wedding gig, she'd want to know why, when we were getting really close to
graduation and already had a lot of exams and final projects to deal with. And I
couldn't exactly tell her it was for the money, so…

I had to lie about a fake project to explain my absences, and I'm a pretty bad
liar. Not as bad as Bella, but pretty damn close. So I avoided talking too much
about my 'project' with her, because the last thing I needed was stumbling over
fake details I'd forgotten about. I didn't like having to be distant to her; I just
didn't want her to catch onto my plan.

I played the wedding a few days before graduation, with plans to meet up with
the owner this week to pick up the ring and a letter of reference she insisted on
giving me in case I ever wanted to do gigs in the future. Admittedly, it was a
pretty good way to make easy money.

Bella and I both graduated with honors, with Charlie and my parents flying in to
see it and cheer us proudly as we crossed the stage. Their graduation present?
The now-used Christmas plane tickets.

I told Bella I had to run a quick errand and ducked out of the apartment early this
morning to go meet the owner. I walked down to the corner coffee shop, only to
find her daughter waiting for me instead. She just wanted to thank me in person,
she'd said, since she didn't get the chance to the night of her wedding. She
handed me the reference letter and the little worn velvet box with a beaming
smile. On our way out, she tripped on the doorjamb, and I instinctively grabbed
her around the waist to keep her from falling. We laughed, she kissed my cheek
before walking away, and I turned around to go home.

Only to be met with a ghostly-white, shaking Bella.

I'd barely felt the sting of the slap before she was gone.

I waited at home for a while, calling her over and over, before I thought she
wasn't coming back to the apartment. So I set out to go look for her, only to
come home later to find she'd slipped in after I left, her suitcase gone, her
necklace resting on top of the kitchen table.

I'd hoped she'd just gone to Alice's, and I called both of them relentlessly until
Jasper showed up ready to kick my ass. Once I'd explained, he called Alice
himself, but she admitted that she'd just dropped Bella off at the airport in San
Francisco an hour before.

I was on the next flight out.

'*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*' '*'

"Oh, fuck. I'm gonna die," I groaned, catching the branch above me just as the
one below me swayed and I almost lost my footing. Slowly, I made my way up,
branches and leaves whipping me in the face as the storm continued to beat
down on me.

This was not one of my smartest ideas.

I should've just broken a downstairs window. Because I was apparently going to
have to break Bella's as it was closed.

This day just keeps getting better and better.

Gripping the branch above me for dear life, I reached over and knocked on the
window, jiggling the handle. I heard a startled yelp from inside.

"Bella! Open the window or I'm breaking it!"

The curtain flew open to reveal her, her fingers fumbling with the lock to push the
window open. She backed up immediately as I threw myself inside, just as the
aged branch beneath me started to give way. I picked myself up off the floor,
confused at first as pieces of paper stuck to my drenched clothes. As I pulled
them off of me I took in the mess of her room; there were papers everywhere. I
looked down at the one that had been stuck to my arm and read.

Hey Bella!

I miss you so much. Baseball's not as cool without you here to watch…

Looking back up at her, my heart broke at the now-clear vision I had of her face.
Her eyes were puffy and red-rimmed, bloodshot and rapidly refilling with tears.

"Please. Just leave," she rasped weakly, her voice trembling.

"No," I said firmly. "Not until you listen to me."

"I want you to leave," she repeated, her chin quivering even as she tried to make
her voice strong.

"Give me five minutes. If you still want me gone in five minutes, I'll walk out that
door and never bother you again," I promised softly, lifting my hands in
surrender.

We stood facing each other in silence as she swallowed heavily and shook
slightly. After a moment, she nodded jerkily, moving around me to sit on the
edge of her bed. I sat down on the floor in front of her, smiling sadly at the
blanket clutched tightly in her hands before looking up to catch her eyes with
mine.

"I lied about having a second end-of-year project with my advisor," I began,
watching warily as her eyes grew hard, but I pushed on. "I was doing a gig for a
wedding. The woman you saw today, that was the bride."

She swallowed visibly, clearly confused. Sniffling, she shook her head. "No.
You've been disappearing off and on for weeks now, not just for a wedding."

"I know," I agreed. "There were a few other gigs I did for the same couple, and I
also had to practice."

"But why couldn't you just tell me?" she asked. "It doesn't make sense…And that
woman. I saw her. She kissed you."

"Just on the cheek, after I caught her when she tripped. She met me to thank me
and pay me, that's all, Bella. I swear."

"But…you…oh my God, I hit you!" she wailed, dropping her face into her hands as
she started to cry again.

"No, baby, it's okay," I whispered, stroking her hair and kissing the top of her
head.

She looked up at me, shaking her head violently. "No! It's not okay! How can you
say it's okay? I hit you and I wouldn't even listen or open the door and…and…and
you had to climb the tree!"

"I don't care about the tree. We go way back," I winked, trying to keep her from
crying again. "I had to talk to you."

To my dismay, her face crumpled anyway.

"I didn't even let you try to tell me. I just ran. I saw you, and…"

"Bella. Do you really think I would do that to you?" I asked her seriously.

"No," she answered automatically. She pushed off the bed and began to pace,
groaning in frustration. "Aargh! That's why I ran, I was so confused, I didn't
understand. Because when I added everything up, it looked like that's what you
were doing, but I just couldn't believe you really would. But you're always gone
lately, and you were laughing with her and she was so pre-"

"Don't," I stopped her, holding her arms to keep her still. "Just stop. I get it. I do.
If it had been me, I would have killed the guy first and asked questions later. But
please promise you'll talk to me next time."

She nodded furiously, her eyes full of remorse. "I will. I'm sorry. I just…we don't
really talk at all lately, and I could feel you pulling away from me, but I didn't
know what to do, and then…"

"Bella," I sighed, shaking my head sadly. "I know. And I'm sorry for that. But
stop this now."

"Did I hurt you?" she asked, her eyes searching mine. She raised her hand up
slowly to palm my cheek, rubbing the invisible mark.

"What? A weak, little kitten like you?" I joked, choking back a laugh at the look of
indignant shock on her face.

"It's not funny!" she shrieked. "I can't believe I hit you! And you…and you…"

"Bella!" I interrupted.

She stopped talking, biting on her lip as she looked back at me worriedly.

"Just c'mere and kiss it better."

She smiled meekly, elevating to her tiptoes to kiss my proffered cheek gently.
She started to pull back when I stopped her with my hands on her waist.

"A little bit to the left," I said softly. I felt her lips curl up as she pressed another
gentle kiss beneath my eye, and I held her firm. "A little bit down."

She kissed her way down my face until her lips were at the corner of my mouth.

"A little more to the left."

She brushed her lips against mine softly, pecking me with sweet, gentle kisses.

But I didn't fly two hours on an overcrowded flight, drive three hours in a rental
car with no traction, and climb the tree of doom in the middle of a fucking
monsoon for gentle.

I fisted a hand at the nape of her neck, pressing her to me as I devoured her.
The spark lit, clothes began to fly around the room as I steered her to the bed,
dropping her onto it and covering her body with my own immediately. With a
single thrust, I was home.

The spark was a flame now, the heat searing me as I moved in her with a fierce
rhythm. Her moans echoed off the walls in the small room; it filled with the smell
of rain and memories and us. I kissed her as the fire grew and grew, until it
threatened to consume me.

"I love you. I can only ever love you," I gasped out.

Her eyes flew open and locked with mine.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"No," I panted, taking her mouth again and swallowing her apologies. "Just tell
me you love me. And never leave me like that again."

Her eyes filled even as she began to tighten around me, almost bringing me over.

"No. Never," she choked. "I love you. I love you!"

Her cry ended me as I exploded and shattered. Nearly collapsing on top of her,
she took over, sliding me up her sweaty body to kiss me between gasps. As I
came back down to earth, I could hear her whispering into my mouth.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Don't," I breathed. "Just don't. Let it go."

I groaned as I pulled out of her, falling onto my back on the bed and holding her
close to me. We lay in silence for a moment as we recovered our breathing, her
fingers scratching patterns on my chest.

"I'm sorry," she whispered again.

I chuckled breathlessly, shaking my head as I turned on my side to face her and
she did the same.

"Stop apologizing," I ordered gently, but she shook her head.

"I can't," she argued, her face filled with guilt. "I have to."

"Bella," I sighed.

I watched her face carefully, a slow smile spreading across my own. This wasn't
exactly the plan, but after a day like today, it might be impossible for her to be
more off the trail than this. Smirking, I reached over and grabbed my pants off
the ground, pulling out her necklace from inside my wallet.

"I have been acting kind of funny lately," I admitted, then pretended to change
the subject. "You forgot this at home."

I lifted up the necklace, holding the charm in my fist and letting the chain dangle.
Her chin trembled as she nodded.

"Thank you," she whispered.

I smiled, letting her move her hair around, wild as it was, to fix the clasp around
her neck. Laying it gently on her chest, I remained hovering above her.

"I had this thing that I wanted to get, but I didn't want to tell you. I wanted it to
be a surprise. I had all these different ideas," I began, smiling crookedly down at
her. "And not one of them had us naked until after."

She furrowed her brow in confusion, but I shook my head and she understood,
biting her lip to stay silent.

"At first, I was thinking a cliché fancy dinner, but then I thought, that's not really
us. And I can never read the menus at those places anyway. So then on my way
here, I was thinking once I talked you down from the ledge, maybe we could go
to the tree, where it all began. But it hasn't stopped raining in over four hours, so
I think that's out.

"So," I inhaled deeply. "I'm forced to either wait, or - only I'm not the most-"

"Patient person in the world," she finished, smiling up at me, even though she
had no idea what I was rambling about.

"I'm really not," I murmured, reaching down to her necklace and lifting it up for
her to see. She froze, her eyes wide and unblinking. My heart pounding, I turned
the ring slowly. "Breathe, Bella."

She gasped in a sudden breath, exhaling shakily. Her eyes darted between mine
and the ring as she waited silently.

"I wish for you to marry me."

Tears leaked out the sides of her eyes as a smile spread across her face. She
nodded emphatically, sniffling between laughs.

"Yes. Yes!"

She threw her arms around my neck and I wrapped myself around her, a relieved
laugh escaping me as I held her to me as tightly as I could. I rocked us back and
forth as she kept saying yes, over and over.

Pulling back, I smoothed her hair away from her face and undid her necklace
again, letting the ring fall into my hand. I took her left arm from around my neck
and brought her hand between us, holding the ring at the tip of her finger.

"I don't care if it's today, tomorrow, or next year, kitten. I love you."

"I love you, too," she smiled, her eyes bright.

I started to move the ring down her finger, but paused.

"Still yes? You've been a little flighty today," I teased.

She choked out an indignant laugh, pinching my side with her free hand.

"Aah!" I laughed, squirming. "Too soon?"

She threw her head back, laughing, and I slid the ring on. I swallowed thickly at
the sight of it on her finger. It was old, and the diamond was small, and I didn't
know how many other people had worn it in its long life, but on her…

"It's perfect," she breathed. "Thank you."

"I'm gonna love you forever, girl."

"Even when I'm wrinkly and too old to be a girl anymore?" she whispered,
sniffling.

Grinning, I moved over her to start biting kisses down her jaw and throat.

"Bella. Tell me when I'm gonna stop being your boy."

She gasped as I licked a trail up her clavicle, kissing her shoulder and moving
down.

"Never."

I moved up until my face was right in front of hers.

"See? Now stop talking. I'm trying to celebrate my new engagement here."

She pulled my face down to hers, kissing me roughly.

"Fucking Dickward," she mumbled into my neck, nipping at me in punishment.
"Stupid boy."

"Your stupid boy," I whispered, slipping inside her and starting to move slowly.
"Crazy kitten."

"Your crazy kitten," she moaned back.

"Mine."

"Yours."

I want pinned down

I want unsettled

Rattle cage after cage

Until my blood boils

Fin