The Teenage Angst Brigade by Jandaco

A Twilight Fan Fiction Story

Summary

A deal was made, a pact to keep five friends from the pitfalls of high school disparity. If only
Edward hadn't wanted Bella, it might have lasted...ALL HUMAN. OOC.

Chapter 1.

BPOV

“But, but…I‟m not supposed to be in Band,” I said for the fourth time.

Why?

Why did I agree to change schools in my senior of high school?

I shouldn‟t have been such a martyr for my mother.

I should‟ve told her not to travel with Phil.

I should‟ve told her I was more important than minor league baseball.

But I didn‟t.

And now I‟m here, in new school schedule Hell.

“Well, hon, it says here that -”

“Mrs. Cope?”

Mrs. Cope and I both looked up… Rather, I looked down to see a small, black haired girl smiling

bright and radiant.

I was struck by how delicate she was, how each tiny feature was exquisitely perfect on her face,

and how her personality seemed huge, despite her tiny frame.

“Lauren Mallory dropped out of fourth hour History. I know, because she was in my class. There‟s a

spot open there,” the bubbly girl offered.

I wanted to kiss her.

Soon, my schedule was fixed, sans Band, and I was on my way to navigate the jungle that is an

unfamiliar high school.

I paused on the way out to thank the black haired girl. She was just sitting on the bench, waiting

for something.

“Thanks for that,” I said. “She was insisting I play the flute. I don‟t.”

“Ahhh. Thank Lauren Mallory. She‟s the one who got knocked up and dropped out,” she giggled.

“I‟m Alice, by the way.”

“Bella,” I smiled back.

“Where are you from?” she asked.

“Arizona… My dad lives here; I came to live with him.”

“Wow. You‟re in for a change.”

“I know.”

Nothing could be more opposite from arid Arizona than rain soaked Forks.

The first bell rang.

“Well, I‟ll see you,” I said.

“Yeah, it was nice to meet you, Bella… I‟ll see you in History. Good luck today.”

“Thanks,” I said. Then I was off.

-

I was typical, new kid fodder… Not exactly my cup of tea, but the people were nice, curious.

In second period, a talkative, screechy girl named Jessica decided we were friends, which was fine,
as she was friendly enough and talked a lot, so I didn‟t have to. She seemed to know everyone and
had no problem showing me off like a new puppy.

We shared a third hour and then we had lunch together. Jessica was delighted we had the same
lunch period, probably because I was bound to be the center of attention in the cafeteria. Still, I

was relieved. My fear had been sitting alone at lunch.

I sat with Jessica and her gaggle of inquisitive friends. They asked about Arizona, why I came here,

if I had a boyfriend, and I answered quickly but friendly, biding my time until the bell would ring.

Half way through lunch, I heard a high, trilling voice above the lunch gossip buzz call my name.

I looked up, as did everyone at the table, and I saw the girl from this morning, Alice, smiling and

waving at me. I don‟t know why, but I was glad to see her.

I waved and noticed she was standing next to a stunning, tall, blonde girl.

Sheeesh.

These two didn‟t belong in high school, they belonged in Playboy.

I was about to get up to go to Alice, when I noticed my lunch table had gone completely silent.

The blonde girl was staring at me and started to whisper something to Alice.

“Bella,” Jessica whispered in my ear.

Just when I was about to respond, something else caught my attention.

Three guys came barreling into the cafeteria, larger than life, swooping in on Alice and her friend.

The first was a huge, jock looking guy with dark hair falling in loose waves over his eyes. His neck
was thicker than my head, but he had dimples that reminded me of a two-year-old, and he was

hot. I watched him playfully lean down and kiss the back of Alice‟s neck and I smiled.

It was endearing - this huge, muscle bound guy and tiny Alice, a couple. I found it somehow fitting

- her personality was as big as his huge frame.

A good looking, blonde guy with classic surfer hair was there, laughing and digging through the
back pocket of his loose, faded jeans. He wore an original Smiths’ concert t-shirt, black, thin and

faded.

I was intrigued.

He was the first person I saw in this school to actually exude some sort of originality. I‟m not sure
why… Something about the way he carried himself, something in the way he laughed.

But I lost interest quick in Smiths’ t-shirt, when I saw the third guy.

Beautiful.

His hair stood in a hundred different directions, thick and bronze, unlike any color I‟ve ever seen
before. This guy had stubble that no kid in high school should ever have, shadowing a strong,

square jaw.

Despite the lazy smile on his face, his green eyes were dark and intense.

He wore a white, button down shirt, untucked, and I could see a blue, raggedy looking undershirt
peaking out. I noticed one side of his collar was up. He was disheveled looking, but somehow

perfect at the same time.

The bronze haired guy snaked an arm around the blonde girl and said something in her ear.

I wasn‟t surprised they were a couple.

They were the only two people who‟s looks could compare to the other.

“Bella,” Jessica hissed again.

“Huh?”

“You do not want any part of them.”

“Oh, I-I just met Alice this morning,” I mumbled, embarrassed I was caught staring.

“Alice Brandon spoke to you this morning?” Jessica asked, incredulous.

“Um… Yes?”

I was confused. Was Alice Brandon normally a mute or something?

“Look, they‟re all very pretty to look at, but they‟re freaks.”

“Freaks?” I asked.

They didn‟t seem like freaks. The way the cafeteria‟s mood shifted when they walked in, the way

people looked at them in awe - they seemed more like gods than freaks.

“Yeah, freaks,” Jessica said.

I watched the blonde Smiths’ guy produce an apple from his loose back pocket. He took a bite,
then held it up in front of the blonde girl. She took a bite and laughed, then tugged playfully on the
hem of his shirt. They were flirting, but the bronze haired boyfriend didn‟t seem a bit affected. It

was odd.

I turned to Jessica. Then the bell rang, and everyone scattered.

Jessica told me to meet her near her locker after school, and I absently agreed.

I found my way to History class, excited to get there. I hoped Alice would sit next to me. Despite

Jessica‟s warnings, I already liked Alice and I was beyond intrigued by her little clique.

Luck was on my side. By the time I reached the classroom, it was near full, but there were open
seats on either side of Alice.

She smiled at me from her desk, and I took it as an invite and sat in the seat next to hers.

I recognized two guys from Jessica‟s lunch table sitting directly behind us - Mike and Tyler.

“How‟s the first day going so far?” Alice asked.

“Oh, okay, I guess. Most people are -”

“Cough slut cough,” a rumble came from behind us.

My first reaction was to ignore it.

“People are nice enough. Classes are okay,” I continued.

„Yeah… Is the school much different from -”

“Whore,” a low whisper came from behind us.

This time I froze, but Alice continued as if nothing happened.

“Is it different from your school in Arizona?”

“A lot smaller. There were like six hundred people in my class alone there, so -”

“Skank.”

I turned sharply in my desk.

“What is your problem?” I spat to Mike and Tyler.

I noticed Alice beaming at me, but surely, this girl didn‟t need my protection.

“Don‟t worry about it, Bella. They‟re talking to me. And showing off for you.” She shrugged, not
bothered at all.

Then she turned in her desk and smiled sweetly at her verbal assaulters.

“Keep it up, boys. McCarty will be thrilled to have something to do after school,” she said in a

strangely menacing way.

She turned back around and smiled at me.

“Thanks anyway,” she said.

I thought now was as good a time as any to find out something more about her and her friends.

“McCarty? Is that your boyfriend? The big guy in the cafeteria?”

Alice looked taken aback for a second, then smiled.

“Emmett? Nah. He‟s more like… a best friend. Well, closer than a best friend, but… Well, we‟re all

super close.”

“Close, ha,” came a snicker from behind us.

“Okay, people, listen up!” a burly teacher boomed in front, and I never got the chance to ask more.

When the bell rang, Alice asked me what class I had next.

“Biology. With… Banner? I think.”

“Oh, Edward and Rose are in that class,” she said, standing up. “He‟s in the class right next door

right now. I‟ll introduce you, so you don‟t have to brave Bio alone.”

“Um… Okay,” I said, deducing that Rose must be the intimidating blonde, and I both hoped and

feared that Edward was the bronze haired guy.

Sure enough, when I followed Alice out the door, this Edward was there, waiting for her. Up close,
he was much taller than I originally thought, and he smelled amazing and warm, like laundry soap

and showers.

He didn‟t notice me, but a crooked smile lit up his face when he saw Alice. He held a hand out for

her, and she took it, then dragged me behind her.

They were holding hands. Okay, so the blonde wasn‟t his girlfriend?

“Any drama today?” Edward asked Alice, and he started to swing their clasped hands back and

forth, like you do when playing and walking with a small child.

“Nope,” Alice lied and shot me a don‟t-say-anything-look.

Odd.

“Edward, this is Bella. She‟s new.”

He looked over Alice‟s head at me, and I could feel his eyes pan up and down my body, while he

was silent.

“Hi,” he finally said, and goosebumps spread over my flesh.

“Hey,” I said, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other, as heat rose to my face.

Mike and Tyler came out of the classroom, and I noticed they kept their eyes purposely away from

Edward and Alice… They were suddenly not so vocal.

Edward glared at them, and Alice rolled her eyes.

“Edward, Bella is in your Biology class,” Alice said, and my heart started to go into overdrive. There

is no way I could walk there with this guy.

“I hate when you lie to me,” Edward told Alice.

“They didn‟t say anything to me!” Alice lied.

“I gotta go…” Edward said, his eyes on Mike and Tyler‟s retreating forms.

He walked off, then paused for a second.

He turned slightly and looked at me over his shoulder.

“Save me a seat in biology,” he smirked. Then he was gone.

“Huh…” Alice mused, looking a bit perplexed.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing. Okay, I gotta go. See you tomorrow!”

“Bye,” I said, but she was already gone.

EPOV

I walked into Biology late.

Well, I usually walked into biology late, but today was not a good day to be tardy.

Rose would kill me.

We were partnering up for our term projects, and Banner wouldn‟t let anyone pick an absent

partner.

In my defense, I had a good reason for being late this time… Rose would understand. Someone
had to straighten out Newton and Crowley, and Emmett couldn‟t afford to be suspended again. I
always found it sick how the girls took such shit from the morons at this school, whereas Jasper,

Emmett and I… It just wasn‟t right.

I opened the door, and the already seated class looked up at me.

Rosalie was fuming at her lab table, and the new girl was… the new girl.

“Mr. Cullen! Glad you could join us. Hope we‟re not cramping your plans,” Banner drawled out.

“Not at all.” I shrugged. “I penciled you in earlier.”

“Take a seat, Cullen, next to your project partner, Isabella Swan.”

“I told you he was here,” Rose blurted out.

“Enough, Hale. You‟re partnered with Yorkie. Case closed.”

I would‟ve laughed if I didn‟t know how pissed she was being stuck with the perpetually partnerless

Eric Yorkie.

“Look, Mr. Banner, Rosalie and I always work well together. I‟m sorry I was late, but -”

“You were, and that means I assign your partner. It‟s a privilege to be able to - heck, Cullen, you
know the rules. Sit down.”

“Mr. Banner, please…” Rosalie went off on a tangent, stating her case, but something else caught
my attention.

The new girl was bright red and twisting uncomfortably in her seat.

I shouldn‟t have, but I felt bad for her. Clearly, she was embarrassed being the reason for all of
this dissension. She didn‟t know it, but it wasn‟t that I was opposed to being her partner… And the
more I looked at her, the more I wanted to work with her. She was… beautiful.

I could have argued my way into being Rosalie‟s partner - Banner was intimidated by anyone who
could grow a beard thicker than him - but I didn‟t.

“It‟s fine,” I said, cutting Rose off. “I‟ll partner with Isabella. I don‟t mind.”

Rose‟s eyes widened, then narrowed at me.

Shit.

Isabella Swan looked horrified and confused.

Ahhh, the rumor truck must‟ve already hit her.

Probably better that way anyway.

“Good. Now take your seat, Cullen… And the rest of the class can thank you for wasting our time. I
expect you all to meet on your own time and turn in your project proposals tomorrow. We don‟t
have time in class for that anymore.”

Not surprisingly, no one thanked me, but there were no simultaneous groans either. People never
knew what to say to me.

I sat next to this Bella and smiled.

She gave me a beautiful, cautious smile back.

Rosalie turned in her seat, directly in front of mine, and glared.

“What. The. Fuck?” she mouthed.

“Sorry,” I mouthed back.

I‟d make it up to her later.

Banner started droning, and I leaned back in the too small chair and let my legs sprawl out from

under the child size desk.

Bella kept looking at me like I had three dicks.

Fuck, gossip spread fast in this school. I wondered if she even had the story right.

Probably not… No one really did… except the five of us, of course.

Banner was boring me.

Beautiful, new girl, however, had my full attention.

I decided to play with her - what was the harm in that?

I wasn‟t breaking our rules by harmless flirting… Besides, I was bored.

I stared unabashedly at her and I found myself trying not to smile.

Finally, she took another glance at me, and our eyes locked.

I felt a sudden shock of… something in my stomach. Whatever it was, it was completely

unexpected and unwarranted. I‟d never had such a reaction from toying with a girl.

I should‟ve looked away.

I couldn‟t look away.

Shit.

I needed to be partnered with Rosalie.

This was not good.

Then Bella dropped her eyes from mine, and I wanted her to look up again - I wanted more.

I shook my head slightly and leaned forward to tug lightly at the ends of Rose‟s wavy hair.

She half turned, and I scooted my desk up.

“I want to see you after school,” I whispered.

A slow smile spread across her face.

“It‟s not Wednesday… or Saturday…” she whispered back coyly.

“I‟m feeling rebellious,” I said. “And those rules are always open to negotiation.”

“True. Okay,” she whispered, then turned back around.

I leaned back and didn‟t give Bella another glance - it was reasons like her our pact existed at all.

The bell rang, and I leaped out of my chair and grabbed Rosalie‟s messenger bag from beside her

desk. She stood, and I slid the strap over her head.

“Ready?” I asked.

“Wait, the project,” Bella said, still sitting at her desk. “We need a proposal.”

Jesus.

I leaned over her desk and snatched the pen from her hand.

“Do you have a car?” I asked, impatient and not looking at her.

“What?”

“Can you meet me?” I asked, raising my eyebrows in annoyance.

“Uh… Sure?” she said, and I felt bad for hurting her feelings.

I scrawled Emmett‟s address on her notebook and dropped the pen on her desk.

“Right after school,” I said, then grabbed Rose‟s hand and left.

Chapter 2.

BPOV

I forgot to meet Jessica Stanley at her locker after school.

Of course I did. I was too freaked out to remember my own name, much less remember Jessica

Stanley.

How I had gotten myself into this was beyond me. How was I supposed to think straight, working

with this Edward Cullen?

At his house?

Alone?

And why was he so odd? I could understand him wanting to be partners with Rosalie, but then the
sudden change of heart? Then the way he was staring at me like that… Then he suddenly got
irritated and started whispering to his girlfriend in the middle of class, like I was the one irritating

him.

I was just sitting there, minding my own business. He was the one staring.

And he was so rude when I asked him about the project, but it was his fault we had to meet after

school in the first place!

And now… I had to meet up with him?

“Bella! Wait up!” Jessica yelled, just as I slammed my locker shut.

“You were supposed to meet me,” she said, jogging up to my locker.

“Sorry, I forgot.”

“It‟s okay. So do you want to come to my house? I can fill you in on everybody and everything you

want to know about.”

“Actually, I‟m supposed to meet someone for a school project.”

“Oh. Who?”

“Edward Cullen.”

Jessica stared at me.

“How in the Hell did you get yourself into that?”

“I have no idea.”

“Wow. They all usually make sure they stick together. I‟m surprised he let that happen. Isn‟t

Rosalie in that class?”

“Yeah… What do you mean, „let that happen‟?”

“I don‟t know… You being his partner.”

I would‟ve been insulted, if I hadn‟t known the whole thing was… weird.

“Anyway, where are you meeting?” she asked.

“His house, I think,” I said, flipping open my notebook and flashing the address he‟d written down.

“That‟s not where Edward Cullen lives. That‟s Emmett McCarty‟s house.”

“What?”

“It is.”

“Well, I guess Edward will be there?”

“Most likely,” Jessica snorted. I didn‟t get the joke.

“Hey, I have a truck, but it‟s not drivable yet. Do you think you could give me a ride?”

“Um… Sure,” Jessica said.

Once inside her used Mercury, I started asking Jessica questions.

“Earlier, you called them freaks. Why?” I asked. I just had to know what I was walking into.

“Because they are. They‟re all together,” she smirked, and I could tell she got off on delivering
juicy gossip like this.

“What? As in… like, sex?”

“Yep.”

I couldn‟t believe it… Yet, after the stuff I‟d seen - the flirting and the affection showed between

them…

Wait.

I knew better than to believe ridiculous, high school gossip and I definitely could detect jealousy

when it was present, and it was emanating off of Jessica.

But still, I decided to get all the information I could and sort out for myself what was real or not. It

had been my experience that even the craziest rumors often had a drop of truth to them.

“They all… like, love each other?” I asked.

“They have orgies.”

“No!”

“Yes.”

“How do you know that?”

“It‟s obvious. You‟ll see. We‟ve all been in school together since kindergarten… And, God, up until…
like, junior high, we were all friends. Alice and I used to be kind of close, and then… I don‟t know…

They all got weird. Everyone does everyone in that little freakshow.”

“Even… like -”

“That‟s what I heard. There‟s sword crossing and lesbo action…”

“That can‟t be true.”

“It is.”

No way.

I just couldn‟t believe it.

We pulled up in front of a neatly manicured ranch in a cookie cutter subdivision.

“That‟s Emmett‟s house,” Jessica said.

There was a huge Jeep in the driveway and a silver Volvo parked right behind it.

“I can‟t get out! What if they‟re all in there… doing what they do? What if Edward‟s not there? He‟s

the one who told me to come.”

“That‟s his car. He‟s here. Relax, they keep their little parties private. Go and then call me and tell
me everything when you get home,” she said, pulling a pen from her cup holder and scratching her

number on my notebook.

My stomach was sick.

Like walking into the haven for beautiful people wasn‟t enough, how was I supposed to go in there,

knowing what I know and pretending I didn‟t?

“Go, Bella,” Jessica laughed. “Really, I have to meet Angela at my house. You‟ll be fine. They don‟t

share with outsiders,” she smirked.

I groaned and reached for the door handle.

EPOV

“The point is, he could have pushed to be my partner and he knows it. Now I‟m stuck with Yorkie.”

“Would you get over it already? All you‟ve done for the past twenty minutes is bitch, bitch, bitch,”
Emmett told Rosalie, plopping on the couch next to her.

“Thank you,” I said to Emmett.

Rosalie hadn‟t shut up about fucking Biology since we got in the car.

“You knew not to be late today,” she said, glaring up at me.

“I had shit to take care of,” I said.

“Oh?” Rosalie challenged.

“What did you do?” Alice groaned from her spot on Jasper‟s lap.

“I told them to stop talking shit. That‟s all,” I said.

“Who?” Emmett asked, leaning forward.

Jasper yanked his Ipod ear buds from his ears and looked at me.

“Crowley and Newton,” I said.

“They were bothering you?” Emmett asked Alice.

“No,” she sighed.

“Bullshit,” I said. “Don‟t fucking lie, Alice.”

“Al, if someone is giving you shit, you gotta tell us,” Jasper said. “It‟s not right.”

“Everything‟s fine.” She shrugged, leaning back against Jasper. “Drop it.”

“I guess,” Rosalie said, standing up, “you had a good reason for being late. But you still owe me.”

I put an arm around her waist and drew her against me.

Her tits - firm, full, familiar and thrilling - pressed into my chest, and I pressed harder into her,

until I was sure she could feel my hard on against her stomach.

“I‟ll make it up to you,” I said in her ear.

“Let‟s go,” she breathed, and I knew she wasn‟t pissed anymore, but I felt like fucking with her.

“Can‟t,” I said, letting her go and stepping back. “My lab partner is supposed to be here any

second,” I smirked.

“You‟ve got to be fucking with me,” Rosalie spat.

My eyes rested on her erect nipples, pushing through her thin shirt. I wished I was fucking with

her.

“No, she‟s coming here, but it won‟t be long. I‟ll get rid of her quickly.”

“Bella‟s coming here?” Alice asked.

“Yeah.”

“You know, I like her. She‟s really nice.”

Three pairs of eyes swiveled towards Alice.

“What? I can have friends,” Alice said defensively.

“Baby girl,” Emmett began, “you can have friends. But sooner or later she‟s gonna hear something
about us and she may not like it.”

“She‟s cool. She‟s different. I can tell,” Alice said.

“Just… don‟t get your feelings hurt,” Jasper said, then kissed the side of her neck.

“I won‟t. I don‟t think she‟s… judgmental.”

“You don‟t even know her,” Rosalie said. She was just annoyed with Bella in general. “Before you

go blabbing to your new, best friend about your life, remember it‟s all of us you‟re talking about.”

“I‟m not stupid, Rose,” Alice said.

“Well, fuck. Is she hot?” Emmett asked.

“Yeah,” I said, then winced. Normally, it wouldn‟t be a big deal to admit that, but with Rosalie
being a bitch today, it wasn‟t a good idea.

“Does it matter if she‟s hot?” Rosalie asked.

She was always so paranoid, so protective - it could be annoying.

I mean, what guy in their right mind would get out of the pact for one little, hot piece of ass?

None of us.

“No, it doesn‟t matter,” I said to Rosalie. “Don‟t get pissy. We‟re allowed to look. You do your share

of that too.”

“I just don‟t want drama,” Rosalie sniffed.

“Well, then stop creating it,” Emmett told her, pulling her back down on the couch.

“Rosalie,” I said, “it‟s been three years. I think if someone were to fuck this up, it would‟ve

happened by now.”

“Yeah, well, just watch yourself.”

“Are you serious right now?” I asked.

“I saw the way she looked at you…”

“All girls look at Edward like that, Rosalie,” Alice said.

“But he doesn‟t usually look at them the same way,” Rosalie said pointedly, staring at me.

“Shut up,” I said. Then everyone was staring at me.

“Shit, Edward -”

“She‟s being ridiculous. Besides, isn‟t this one of the reasons for all of this in the first place? To

avoid this kind of drama?”

“It is,” Jasper said.

“Well, then what the fuck is the problem?”

“There isn‟t one,” Emmett said. “Quit being an A-hole, Rose.”

“Why is Jessica Stanley here?” Alice asked, stretching up on Jasper‟s lap to look out the window.

I glanced out of the window. Sure enough, Jessica Stanley‟s car was parked outside the house.

“Nice,” Rose sneered. “That gossipy bitch will -”

“Shut up. She‟s not coming in,” I said.

Alice got up to open the door, and I tried to push down that fucking feeling I had welling up in me

at the sight of Bella.

Emmett shot up from the couch and beat Alice to the door.

He looked out of the peephole and let out a low whistle.

“Damn,” he said, turning to me and raising his eyebrows. “She is hot. How the fuck did I miss

that?”

“Open the door, douche bag,” I said.

“Oooh, a bit eager?” Emmett asked.

I shoved him out of the way and opened the door.

BPOV

Edward opened the door to Emmett‟s house. He looked annoyed at the mere sight of me.

“Uh… Hi. You said to meet you here? If it‟s not a good time, I can -”

“I told you to come, didn‟t I?” Edward asked.

“Yeah, I-I…” I was stammering, when suddenly, Alice appeared and ducked her head under

Edward‟s arm and smiled at me.

“Hi,” she said. “Come in!”

“Oh, hi,” I said, surprised and relieved she was there.

They both stepped aside, and I noticed Edward let his arm stay around Alice.

I walked in, and the house was nice, upper middle class and normal.

I couldn‟t imagine an orgy on the waxed, wooden floor.

“So you‟re Edward‟s lab partner?” Alice asked.

“Yeah,” I said, looking around at the clique I saw this afternoon. They were just as striking as I
remembered, and there was a comfort between them - an odd sort of kinship that just… came from

them. I felt like an intruder, but wondered desperately what it would be like to be one of them.

“Oh! You haven‟t met everyone,” Alice said. “This is Emmett,” she said, tapping the jock on his
chest. “Jasper,” she continued, pointing to Smiths’ t-shirt, “and Rose, but you probably met her in

Bio.”

I smiled, and Rosalie blinked back at me.

Okay…

“Hey, I love your shirt,” I said to Jasper.

“You like the Smiths?” he asked.

“God, yes, „Hand In Glove‟ is genius,” I said, too excited.

“Oh! I know!” Jasper said, sitting up straighter in his chair. “Have you heard -”

“Aren‟t you supposed to be working on your proposal?” Rosalie cut in.

Wow.

“Aren‟t you?” Emmett asked her.

“Yorkie‟s taking care of it,” she said and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Come on, Bella. Let‟s go to the kitchen,” Edward said, and I noticed they were suddenly all…

tense.

I followed him shakily. He was overwhelming and intimidating and beautiful and confusing, and

there‟s no way I‟d be able to even speak.

Edward plunked down on a stool at the counter, while I stood there.

“You can sit,” he said.

“Oh, sorry,” I mumbled, then hoisted myself on a stool, leaving an empty one between us. I swung

my backpack up to the counter and accidently hit him in the leg with it.

“Sorry,” I said, my face on fire.

“You say „sorry‟ too much,” he said.

“Oh, sor-”

“Jesus.”

I stayed silent and wanted to die.

Edward rubbed his scruffy jaw with the back of his hand and closed his eyes.

“Look, how about we do a stage by stage breakdown of mitosis? I can fancy it up and bullshit
through it. We can alternate stages. I‟ll write the proposal tonight.”

“Well…”

“Biology isn‟t a problem for me. Trust me.”

I had a good thing going with my grades and I had scholarship and college plans. I didn‟t need this
kid fucking it up - there was no way he was as smart as he was beautiful, but I couldn‟t bring

myself to argue with him. I‟d fix it later.

“Um… Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Do you live here?” I blurted out, then immediately winced in embarrassment.

“No. Emmett does.”

“Oh… He seems nice. And Alice is nice.”

“Yes, she is,” he said, leaning away from me and shaking his leg impatiently.

“Look, if you don‟t want to be partnered with me -”

“It‟s fine,” he said, finally looking at me.

One lock of thick hair fell into his eye, and I wanted to touch it.

“I, uh… know your girlfriend isn‟t too happy, and I‟m sorry -”

“It‟s not your fault,” he sighed.

“Right. Well, I guess we‟re done,” I said, standing up and grabbing my backpack.

He wanted me out of there, and I was embarrassing myself, sticking around longer than necessary,
but I just really liked being next to him. Despite his cold demeanor, there was something else

there, something drawing me in.

“Yeah. Remember where the door is?” he asked.

He was beautiful and charismatic and all, but Jesus himself couldn‟t get away with being downright

rude to me for no reason.

“If you didn‟t want to be partnered with anyone but your girlfriend, you shouldn‟t have been late.
You‟re not going to be an asshole to me because you fucked up. I don‟t care what a „cool kid on
campus‟ you are, you‟re not gonna give me shit,” I stormed and hoped he couldn‟t tell I was on the

verge of tears.

Edward stood up. His brow was furrowed, and his eyes were dark, and for a second, I was scared.

He walked to me and towered above me. His shoulders were broad and tense, and I watched his

jaw clench and unclench.

“I‟m sorry,” he said, his voice quiet. “I took my own shit out on you and I‟m sorry.”

“Now we‟re even.”

“What?”

“You said „sorry‟ too much.”

A grin played on his lips, and he cocked his head to the side and looked at me curiously.

I smiled back.

“I can go to Banner and ask him if I can work with Yorkie, if that‟ll help,” I said, but I silently

willed him to protest.

“No,” he said, lightly grabbing my wrist, then quickly pulling his hand back. “I said it‟s fine.”

My skin tingled form where his fingers were just on me, and I had to remind myself of his scary,
beautiful girlfriend twenty feet away.

“Uh… Okay,” I stammered, trying to even out my breath.

He had me reeling.

We were both completely still for a few seconds, and I was so sure he could feel the same thing I

did…

And in that second, I didn‟t care about his scary girlfriend or the sick rumors Jessica had told me…

I just wanted to be closer to him.

He leaned forward and grabbed my hand.

I gasped at the feel of his strong fingers on me… My heart pounded and my knees wavered.

He flipped my hand over and dropped a set of car keys in my palm.

I looked up, confused.

He was staring over the top of my head, his expression cold again.

“Tell Alice to take you home.”

EPOV

She stumbled out of the kitchen, clutching my keys.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit!

I leaned back on the counter and rubbed my eyes.

This girl should not be affecting me like this.

Hell, I could bend Rosalie Hale over my kitchen table whenever I wanted.

I had Alice Brandon bouncing up and down on my cock at least two days a week.

I couldn‟t possibly want for anything more.

But still.

Bella smelled fucking good.

I should‟ve let her go to Banner to change partners, but, God, I didn‟t want her to. Hopefully, she
would anyway.

I could tell she was about to cry when she left the kitchen. I shouldn‟t have fucked with her like
that, but then again, why the Hell should I care if she cries?

And who the Hell did she think she was, with the attitude and the yelling?

No girl has ever talked to me like that. Fuck, nobody ever talked to me like that. People usually

never knew what to say to me, but this chick just comes in here like…

What was it with her?

And why did I wish she‟d come back and yell some more?

She didn‟t even say anything particularly brilliant - everything about her was average.

Except for her lips.

And those dark eyes, they were almost black.

And the way she got all embarrassed about everything and then suddenly had the brass balls to

call me out on my shit.

The kitchen door swung open, and Rosalie walked in.

Thank God.

I grabbed her by the waist and bit the side of her neck.

“Gonna use me to forget about the girl?” she asked.

“Isn‟t that what you‟re here for?” I asked.

She kind of laughed, and her lips went to my neck.

I slid my hands under her shirt and I worked my fingertips under her bra.

Rosalie deftly unbuckled my belt - the same belt she bought me for Christmas a year ago - then

dropped to her knees.

I rested my hand on the top of her head and I closed my eyes and forgot all about Isabella Swan.

Chapter 3.

BPOV

“Are you okay?” Alice asked, moving Edward‟s driver‟s seat up.

She could barely see over the wheel.

“Yeah,” I said, still dazed by my unsettling encounter with Edward. “He‟s got a nice car.”

“His parents are loaded. He‟s spoiled.”

“Yeah, I can tell.”

“What did he say to you?”

“Nothing, he just gave me the cold shoulder and then he didn‟t… and then he did again.”

“Bella… Edward is actually really sweet. He‟s one of the best people I know, but he can come off a

little cold to people he doesn‟t know very well.”

“Is Rosalie his girlfriend?” I asked, point blank, so she couldn‟t side step the question for whatever

odd reason.

“No.”

“Are you his girlfriend?”

“No,” she said after hesitating for a moment.

“Look, I really like you, Alice… And you should know Jessica Stanley told me some really crazy

stuff about you and your friends…”

Alice bit her lip and stared ahead, out of the windshield, while she drove.

“I don‟t believe anything she said, but I thought you should know what people are saying about -”

“I know what people say. We‟re gay, we have orgies, we have herpes, we have a suicide pact - the

list is endless.”

“So none of that‟s true?” I asked pensively, worried I‟d offended her.

“Of course not… But look, my friends and I have a complex relationship, and it‟s not really my
place to share the details. I hope we can be friends, Bella. Sometimes I really feel like I could use a

friend outside of my group.”

Wow.

Whatever this thing was between them, it was intense, and Alice wasn‟t going to spill any details.

I decided that didn‟t matter.

I liked Alice and I wanted to be her friend.

“I could use a friend too,” I smiled and nudged her shoulder.

“Good,” she smiled back.

It was quiet for a few seconds, and then I just had to ask.

“Why doesn‟t Rosalie like me?”

“It‟s not that she doesn‟t like you. She just gets jealous easily and… Well, she‟s not that nice to

anybody, really,” Alice laughed. “But I do love her. She‟s my best friend.”

“Jealous? Of me?” I asked. That just made no sense.

“She feels threatened. I know, it‟s impossible to believe. I mean, she‟s gorgeous, but that‟s what it
is. And I meant it when I said she has an attitude with most people. She clashes a lot with Edward,

they‟re both stubborn.”

“But… they‟re close?”

“Sure,” Alice said too quickly, and then I knew I got all I was going to get from Alice just then.

EPOV

The next morning, after I got out of the shower, I walked into my room to find Alice sifting through
my drawers.

“Hey,” I said, not too surprised to see her there.

Alice lived next door. She came and went as she pleased, which was a good thing as it meant we

could be regular, rebellious schedule breakers.

“I left my pink camisole here. I need it,” she said, pulling my shit out of the top drawer.

“Look in the second drawer,” I said, remembering shoving some pink article of clothing in there a

week ago.

Alice turned around and handed me a clean pair of boxers.

I let the towel from my waist fall and slid them on, while Alice watched with raised eyebrows.

“Not a cold shower this morning?” she asked, eyeing my hard on.

“Wanna help?” I asked, half serious.

I‟d been in a constant state of solid since I woke up this morning, thinking of fucking Biology.

“Can‟t,” Alice said. “I‟m supposed to meet Bella before school.”

Alice turned back around and promptly found the shirt she was looking for.

“What… Is she your friend now or something?” I asked, trying to sound indifferent.

I wished Alice would stop being so damn social. I didn‟t want her parading Bella around all the
time; it was distracting.

“Yes, she is. I can have friends, Edward. She‟s nice, and I don‟t know what you did to her
yesterday, but she was upset. Whatever you did, she didn‟t deserve it. She‟s a bystander here,

okay? Don‟t take your sexual frustration out on her -”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You‟re attracted to her. It‟s obvious. You can‟t do anything about it and you‟re pissed. None of
that is her fault, so -”

“You have no idea what you‟re talking about, Alice.”

“Please, kid. I‟ve been doing you for three years. I know lust on your face when I see it.”

“Then why don‟t you help me out for fuck‟s sake?” I asked.

Alice already called it. I might as well admit it and take care of this issue.

“You know what the number one problem with our situation is?” she asked, taking her shirt off.

Shit.

She wasn‟t wearing a bra. Her nipples tightened in the cooler air, and I was getting impatient.

“What?” I asked, using one hand to shake out my dripping hair.

“We‟re too dependent on each other. We rely on each other to fulfill our needs, and there is
something to be said for self-help. And that, Edward, is something we‟re all sorely lacking in,

emotionally and physically.”

“Alice -”

“When was the last time you jacked off?”

“God, I don‟t know… Probably when you and Rose went away for Spring Break.”

“See? Any normal guy, or girl for that matter, would have to take care of this on their own. We rely
on each other too much.”

“Well, we‟re not normal. That‟s the whole point of this.”

Alice considered that.

“True.” She shrugged and dropped the shirt in her hand.

I smiled and flopped back on the bed.

“One more thing, though,” Alice said, climbing on top of me.

I rolled her nipple between my thumb and forefinger.

“Hmm?”

“She likes you. A lot. I can tell.”

My cock twitched underneath Alice at the mention of Bella.

“Quit with the mixed signals, Edward. You‟re confusing her.”

I let my hands roam under Alice‟s skirt and grabbed her ass, hard.

She squeaked.

“Nice,” she giggled and leaned over to grab a pillow. I took advantage of her position and pressed
my lips to her tit, then sucked in sharply, trying to get her to play with me.

She let out a shrieking laugh and lightly hit my face away with the pillow.

I let my head fall back on the bed and smiled up at her, then yanked down on her underwear.

I threw it behind my head, and Alice laughed, then reached into the slit of my boxers and pulled

out my solid dick.

She looked down at me.

“There‟s also something to be said for morning wood,” she grinned, then lowered herself onto me.

-

At school, I was rifling through my locker, thinking of Alice and Rosalie.

Alice was always so laid back and playful when we were together. We laughed a lot and, fuck, she

had a lot of energy.

Rose, on the other hand, was always intense, always so hungry for it… She was a dirty talker,

when she talked to me at all.

-

After three years of this, I was well aware that I could fuck better than most eighteen-year-olds.
When we started this thing, it was for experimenting, exploring. Obviously, only one on one, and

there were ground rules.

Like, don‟t blab to Emmett about what you and Rosalie did the night before. We learned that one
the hard way. It wasn‟t that there was jealousy among us - there wasn‟t. It‟s just… The girls were
comfortable doing one thing with one of us, but not necessarily comfortable with the same act on
another of us. I had no idea what went on between… say, Jasper and Rosalie, and quite frankly, I

didn‟t care.

I could understand why the girls felt like that. I mean, I was completely different with Rose than I
was with Alice. Whenever I was with Rose, I fucked hard and hot - always. Alice was light as a

feather, easy to toss around and play with.

As for jealousy, it didn‟t bother any of us.

Sure, I loved both the girls, but not necessarily in a romantic way, but not in a friendship way
either. I couldn‟t exactly define it, and it wasn‟t anything I anticipated at first. It‟s just… The longer
this went on, the more isolated from everyone else we became. And now we just were one, like an
entity of sorts. Probably because we grew together, because we shared everything and let no one
else in, and because our situation required the utmost trust and loyalty… We had to love each

other.

I thought back to when all this started - the clumsy encounters and awkward bodies - to what it‟s

become - swift, experienced and easy.

I knew the female body and how to make it tick as well as I knew my own name. I could make
Alice or Rosalie come in under two minutes if I felt like it, and I‟m sure Jasper and Emmett could do

the same.

It was when we started actually developing preferences, when a schedule of sorts came into play…
That, and there had to be some kind of regulation. There was no way I‟d stick my dick somewhere

Jasper or Emmett had been hours ago, condom or not.

The subject of monogamy came up once, about a month into the pact, when we still had no idea
what the Hell we were doing. Emmett made out with Angela at a party in tenth grade, which

wouldn‟t have bothered me, but we all got mono, along with practically the rest of the school.

It was a wakeup call and one of the reasons we started the pact in the first place.

Later that year, seven kids in our school got Chlamydia, and I couldn‟t help but feel smug.

I probably fucked more than any of the losers who contracted it, but I knew that shit would never

touch me. I was protected by the pact.

I was still marveling at my past, when Bella was suddenly at my side.

“I want to see the proposal,” she said.

I stupidly ventured a look down at her.

Her lips were shiny and full, and her cheeks were all pink and flushed, like she just got laid, and

her hair smelled… Well, I don‟t know what it smelled like, but it was turning me on.

She had to get out of here.

There was no way this girl was gonna mess up my good thing.

“We‟re alternating stages, so there‟s no reason to meet again outside of school. We can email shit

back and forth.”

I didn‟t look at her and grabbed the proposal out of my locker and shoved it in her waiting hand.

She scanned the pages and looked up, shocked.

“This is… good.”

“I know,” I said. Then I slammed the locker shut and walked away.

BPOV

The knots that had been in my stomach all day tightened intensely, as I walked with Alice out of

the History classroom.

Biology was next.

I didn‟t know what to expect from Edward, but I knew it wouldn‟t be good. At best, he‟d ignore me.

I didn‟t care how sweet Alice insisted he was, I thought he was a pompous asshole.

He was so unnerving.

And apparently, I wasn‟t the only one who thought so, because today in History, Mike and Tyler

were civil to Alice. Then Mike proceeded to ask for my phone number.

I wasn‟t sure why, but Alice nodded her head in encouragement when I hesitated, so against my

better judgment, I compromised and took his number.

As we were walking out of class, I asked Alice why she thought I should be on friendly terms with
Mike Newton. I mean, just yesterday he called her a whore.

“Because,” she said, “you should date. It‟s high school. And because it‟ll be good for E- I just think
it‟s a good idea.”

That was cryptic, but I was quickly finding out that Alice was often cryptic.

“Anyway,” Alice was saying, just outside the classroom, “you should call him tonight.”

“Maybe I will,” I said, not too sure at all.

At the same time, Edward walked up to Alice, and Mike came out of the History room.

“Call me tonight, Bella. Maybe we can go to a movie or something,” Mike said.

“Oh, well, I guess -”

“We have to work on our Biology project tonight,” Edward said, out of nowhere.

I was too shocked to speak.

This morning he made it clear he didn‟t want to see me out of school.

If I looked shocked, Alice looked downright livid.

She was glaring up at him, but he ignored her.

“Well. Run along, son,” Edward said to Newton.

My mouth opened and closed; I didn‟t know what to say.

Did he just cockblock Newton?

“I changed my mind.” Edward shrugged, and then he walked off.

EPOV

What the fuck did I just do?

Chapter 4.

EPOV

Alice caught up to me quicker than I thought she would.

“What the Hell was that?” she hissed.

“I don‟t know,” I snapped.

“You better figure it out. What the Hell are you doing?”

“Not going to Biology, that‟s for damn sure.”

“Mixed signals, Edward,” Alice reminded me.

“I‟ll tell her to forget working on the project after school.”

“You can‟t! God, you‟re gonna make her crazy. She‟s my friend, Edward. I need to have a normal
friend, and if you keep mind fucking her, she‟s not going to want to be my friend. Don‟t fuck this

up for me. Please.”

I paused and looked down at Alice.

She looked desperate and sad.

I never wanted to hurt Alice, but at the same time, meeting with Bella again could also hurt Alice.

“Shit, Alice, don‟t do this -”

“No. You listen to me. You‟re going to meet her at Emmett‟s after school and you‟re going to find
some bullshit Biology excuse to give her and then you‟re going to tell her it‟s a good idea to call
Mike Newton, because maybe if she‟s taken, you‟ll get over this. And, Edward, you‟re going to be
nice to her the whole time.”

Dream on, Alice.

I kept walking toward the closest exit and didn‟t say anything to Alice.

“If you like her -”

“Shut up.”

“I‟m bringing her to Emmett‟s after school. Show up.”

I leaned down and kissed Alice‟s cheek, then walked out of the school.

BPOV

I was a fool.

Edward blew me off, then sucked me back in whenever he pleased, and like an eager to please

puppy, I let him.

Why did he change his mind about the project when he heard me talking to Mike?

It was definitely a cockblock, no doubt about it.

But why?

Was it because he clearly had a problem with Newton and wanted to annoy him?

Or… was it because he didn‟t want me in particular to be with Mike?

The more I thought about it, the angrier I became.

Who the Hell was this guy to manipulate how I spent my time?

Whatever the reason for the cockblock, it wasn‟t his business and it pissed me off.

Edward was spoiled and beautiful and arrogant, and he thought he could control everything around

him to suit him.

Fuck that.

I was going to march my raging ass into Biology and give him the business.

And I would have.

Except he never showed up.

Apparently, it was an impromptu ditch, because Rosalie stared expectantly at the door through

most of the class.

The rest of the day passed in a confused blur. The only thing I could focus on was fucking Edward

and how pissed off I was, and how much he turned me on.

This was ridiculous.

I didn‟t know why exactly, but clearly, he was off limits. And, God, he wasn‟t even nice… I just

couldn‟t fall for him.

I just couldn‟t.

At the end of the day, Alice was at my locker before I was.

“I‟m taking you to Emmett‟s house with me. Edward had to leave, but he told me to make sure I

got you to Emmett‟s, so you could meet… about the project.”

It was odd, but I knew asking questions would get me nowhere.

I walked with Alice through the parking lot and noticed we were being stared at.

By everyone.

Jessica Stanley caught my eye and looked at me, incredulous.

I didn‟t care - I much preferred Alice‟s company to Jessica‟s.

Once we were in Alice‟s car, I decided to ask about Edward.

“Why do you think he did that?” I asked, and she knew what I meant.

“I think he has a few questions about your project,” she said.

Right.

I‟d have to take it up with Edward himself.

I fished around in my bag for a can of Pepsi I didn‟t drink at lunch.

I popped it open, just as Alice hit a pothole, and it splashed all over the front of my shirt.

“Oh, shit,” I yelped.

Alice giggled, and I automatically opened the glove box in search of napkins.

A row of condoms fell out.

I looked over at Alice, my face burning, and then I quickly shoved them back in.

She said nothing and resumed driving.

I knew she didn‟t have a boyfriend.

Not my business.

Alice was nice, and her sex life had no bearing on our friendship.

-

I was actually relieved to get to Emmett‟s. Perhaps the others would help break the awkward

tension between Alice and me.

I followed her in the door and noticed she didn‟t even knock.

Rosalie was there, on Jasper‟s lap, in the same recliner he‟d been in before. They each had an Ipod

ear bud in one ear, and their heads were together.

Rosalie‟s eyes snapped up to glare at Alice.

“Hey,” Jasper said.

“Hi,” Alice smiled. “Bella is supposed to be meeting Edward here.”

“He‟s not here,” Rosalie said.

I thought I saw a flash of anger on Alice‟s face, but she quickly smoothed it out.

“He will be. We‟ll wait.” She shrugged and plopped down on the couch.

Rosalie yanked the earbud from her ear and twisted back to face Jasper.

“Sorry. Don‟t like it,” she said.

Jasper groaned in frustration, but didn‟t look surprised.

“Sorry, it‟s no Avril Lavigne,” he mocked, and Rosalie stood up.

“What are you listening to?” I asked curiously.

Rosalie stalked up the stairs.

“Pixies,” Jasper said, looking at me, hopeful.

“Doolittle‟s my favorite,” I said.

“Mine too! Finally, someone around here gets it!” he said and offered me Rosalie‟s abandoned ear

bud, but made no move to get off the recliner.

I got the feeling he rarely left that chair.

I took the bud and awkwardly bent down to stick it in my ear.

„Here Comes Your Man‟ - my favorite track.

I grinned at Jasper, and he smiled back, then patted his knee.

Why the Hell not?

I sat on the edge of his knee and half twisted, so I could see him. I liked Jasper - he was nice, and

though I barely knew him, I felt at ease with him

He was mouthing the words, and I mouthed them back and then I found myself laughing, because
I could feel it. I felt a part of this kinship they shared, like I belonged there, and even if it would

only be for a fleeting moment, I decided to enjoy it.

Alice was watching us from the couch, giggling, and Jasper and I both pointed to her at the same

time and started singing.

Then the front door opened, and Edward walked in.

EPOV

I was late on my way back to Emmett‟s.

Whatever.

I decided to show up at all, and Alice would just have to suck it up and be happy with that.

I mulled over the Newton situation in the car and concluded that I wasn‟t jealous.

Of course I wasn‟t jealous. I don‟t get jealous.

I just hated Newton and any way I could make him miserable, I would.

But then… I didn‟t try to stop him from taking Jessica Stanley out last month…

Fuck.

Jealous.

Over something I didn‟t even want.

I had to get over it.

I‟d go in there, be civil, then fuck the hell out of Rosalie.

It was double dipping - I‟d been with Alice that morning - but Emmett and Jasper would have to
get over it. They could go dry for a day.

I walked into Emmett‟s house, and Bella was on Jasper‟s lap.

What the fuck was this?

“Hey,” I said, looking at Jasper.

He shrugged and grinned, then let his eyes fall on her ass.

Jasper raised his eyebrows at me.

“Not bad,” he mouthed.

The poor girl sat there, none the wiser.

Emmett walked in from the kitchen and looked from Alice to Bella and back again.

“Hey,” he said to Alice. “I wanna show you something in my room.”

Alice hesitated; she couldn‟t say out loud that she already fucked me this morning, and Emmett

had a right to know.

“I already showed her this morning,” I said.

“Well, fuck you both,” Emmett said. “It‟s Friday.”

“It couldn‟t wait,” I said, aware that we were getting sloppy in front of an outsider, but maybe that

wasn‟t a bad thing. She‟d find out anyway, and Hell, it might just keep her away for good.

“Whatever… Where‟s Rose?” Emmett asked.

“Psssh, forget it,” Jasper said. “Like you said, it‟s Friday.”

“Look, someone better -”

“Whatever,” Jasper said. “Let‟s go, Alice. I won‟t even show you anything. We can go get

something to eat.”

“Okay,” Alice agreed easily.

Bella stood up from Jasper‟s lap, and Alice gave me a warning look, then they left.

“Bella, why don‟t you wait for me in the kitchen? I‟ll be there in a second,” I said.

She looked beyond confused and stumbled into the kitchen.

Emmett and I watched her ass sway and wiggle back and forth the entire time she walked to the

door.

“Sorry about Alice,” I said. “Couldn‟t help it.”

Fucked up as it was, there were certain rules of etiquette for this situation.

I pirated his pussy. The least I could do was apologize.

“No problem. I can see why. That Bella chick is hot.”

I let out a long exhale, and Emmett started for the stairs.

He paused and turned.

“Edward, I got a big game next week. I can‟t get sick. Don‟t cheat on us,” he said, half serious.

“Fuck off,” I sneered, but he had a point.

Obviously, Emmett, Jasper and I never had any direct contact, but if you wanted to get technical,

being with anyone outside of the group would be cheating on everyone in the group.

Emmett laughed and bounced up the stairs to get laid.

I braced myself for sexual frustration Hell.

I walked into the kitchen to find Bella at the sink; the front of her shirt was soaking wet.

Jesus.

“Oh, hi,” she said, looking up and looking red. “I spilled Pepsi on my shirt in the car, and it‟s new,

and I didn‟t want it to stain, so -”

She shut up when I started to unbutton my shirt.

As much as I wanted to stare at her tits underneath that wet, clinging shirt, I‟d definitely cheat if I

allowed that.

I shrugged out of my button down, so I was left in my undershirt and I handed my shirt to Bella.

“Oh, you don‟t have to -”

“Believe me, I do,” I said.

She looked down at the state of her chest.

I didn‟t know it was possible for cheeks to turn so red.

I turned to the side and closed my eyes.

Then I looked.

Of course I fucking looked.

I shouldn‟t have looked.

She peeled her wet bra off, and the most amazing tits I‟ve ever seen bounced out.

She was bigger than Alice and Rosalie - fuller, softer.

Her nipples were puckered and erect, like they‟d look if I‟d just taken my mouth from them.

I forced my eyes to close.

Fuck. Me.

“Okay,” she said. “I‟m decent.”

Hell, no, you aren‟t.

I opened my eyes.

She was swimming in my shirt.

Alice and Rosalie always wore my clothes, and when they did, it rather annoyed me. I was missing

half my wardrobe, and they never bothered to dry clean anything.

But somehow, Bella in my shirt was… endearing?

I smiled without even thinking about it, then grabbed her wrist and unbuttoned the cuff and started
to roll the sleeve up.

“Why did you change your mind about meeting out of school when you heard me talking to Mike?”
she asked, abrupt and quick, like she had to work up courage to ask.

“He‟s an asshole,” I said, finishing rolling the sleeve.

“So are you,” she said.

“I know.”

I grabbed her other wrist and tried to get the button undone, but she was shaking like a stripper

on Saturday.

“Quit moving around,” I told her.

“Quit touching me,” she said, but she didn‟t move.

I smirked down at her and grabbed her wrist tighter.

“Stop… stop looking at me like that,” she stammered.

“I think you like the way I look at you,” I said.

And I was right.

She bit her lip and looked down, and because I was so accustomed to getting what I want and

never having to ask permission, I bent my head and let the tip of my tongue taste her upper lip.

I really shouldn‟t have done that.

I wanted more and before I could win my struggle for self-control, her fingers clawed my shirt and
pulled my body against hers, and I could feel her unrestrained tits on my chest. Then her lips

parted, and her hot, open mouth pressed hard onto mine.

She tasted so fucking good, I wanted to bite her.

I wanted to know what those tits would feel like under my fingers, and what her favorite song was.
I wanted to know why she moved here and if she missed her friends, and I sincerely hoped she

was happy.

I wanted to see her underwear and I wanted to know what she smelled like when she fucked… But
I couldn‟t find out any of those things, because just as she pulled her mouth from mine, panting for

breath and still clinging to my shirt, I realized what I had done.

I cheated.

Chapter 5.

EPOV

I took a step back, and she took one forward, her fingers still clenching my shirt.

I wanted to tell her to let the fuck go.

She was killing me and pulling me, and I belonged to other people, not her.

Bella didn‟t notice I was trying to pull away, and those red, puffy lips came at me again.

I jerked my head back.

“Oh,” she uttered, and her hands left my shirt.

Well, now I wanted them back.

“Um… I‟m sorry? I thought that you… I guess I thought…” she stammered, and her eyes darted

around, landing everywhere but on me.

“Look,” I said, trying to find words that would hurt her, but I couldn‟t seem to find any… Which was
just insane; I‟d never had that problem before. “I‟m not… I had no right to do that. It was wrong

and it won‟t happen again. Sorry.”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

Try four, sweetheart.

“I have… commitments.”

“Then why did you do that?” she asked.

Fuck.

Why wouldn‟t she just shut up like any normal girl would?

“I felt like it.” I shrugged.

“You always just go around, doing whatever the Hell you feel like doing, don‟t you? Just like

cockblocking Newton?”

Then I laughed at her, because if I always just did whatever I wanted, she‟d be ass naked and

spread eagle on the kitchen table right now.

My laughing must have pissed her off, because the next thing I knew, her tiny finger was in my
face, and she was on her tiptoes, yelling.

“You might go around, fucking with everyone else at that school, but you‟re not gonna fuck with
me. From now on, save your tongue and your ass backwards mind fuck maneuvers for someone

else, because I won‟t take that kind of shit from you!”

I couldn‟t help it.

I smiled.

“Hello, McFly?!” she said, snapping a finger in front of my face. “Do you understand what I‟m
telling you?”

I grabbed her hand and put it at her side.

“I said sorry. Get over it.”

“I am so over this.”

“Then why are you still here?” I asked, throwing my hands in the air.

“Because I don‟t have a ride home,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest, and then I was
really pissed off, because she didn‟t button the first few buttons of my shirt, and the tops of her tits

were busting out, and I was forgetting to be an asshole.

“Stop staring at my chest.”

“Stop tossing „em out there.”

She kept her arms crossed and raised her eyebrows.

I‟d give my left nut for her shy, embarrassed side to return right now.

“You have absolutely no self-control, do you?” she asked.

“None,” I said dryly, then I walked out of the kitchen and out of the front door, but not before I

heard the familiar sounds of Rosalie‟s cum moan floating down the stairs.

Lucky bastards.

BPOV

I stood there, in Emmett‟s kitchen, in a stupor.

I couldn‟t figure out how I could hate someone and be enamored of that same someone at the

same time.

He used me!

I liked it.

I told him not to fuck with me again.

I wanted more.

He was mean, but was he?

Because I could‟ve sworn the words coming out of his mouth completely contradicted the look on

his face.

And that kiss.

Okay, here‟s the thing.

I‟ve been kissed a lot. I‟ve kissed other people a lot.

I‟ve never felt a kiss like that.

Ever.

I doubt if anyone did… Well, maybe whoever he claimed to be committed to did.

And what the fuck was that?

The only girls I‟ve ever seen him with were Rosalie and Alice. If he had a girlfriend, she was sorely

neglected.

I pressed my nose into my shoulder.

It smelled like him.

God.

Why did I never want to take this shirt off again?

This was stupid.

He was somebody else‟s, and I was just the skank he cheated on her with.

I grabbed my wet shirt and my backpack, and prepared to walk home, when Emmett came into the

kitchen.

He smiled and looked around

“Where‟s Cullen?” he asked.

“He left,” I said, feeling stupid for being in this guy‟s kitchen alone.

“Is that his shirt?” Emmett asked with a tone of suspicion. I didn‟t know why, but he was way too

concerned about Edward‟s shirt.

“Yeah, I spilled something on mine, so -”

“Oh, okay. Hey, do you want something to eat?”

“Uh… Sure?”

Why not?

I‟d like to get to know Emmett better. I already liked Jasper and Alice, and maybe I‟d fit in with
this group after all… And maybe he‟d spill some information about Edward.

Emmett opened the fridge and pulled out a pizza box.

He tossed it on the counter and smiled.

“So, do your parents even live here?” I asked, laughing.

“Sure. It‟s just… My dad works out of town a lot, and my mom spends a lot of time at her

boyfriend‟s house,” he said, flipping open the pizza box.

My eyes widened.

“What?” he asked. “Do you want it warmed up?”

“The pizza‟s fine. I just - your mom has a boyfriend?”

“Yep.”

“And it‟s just… common knowledge?” I asked, incredulous.

“We don‟t invite him to dinner or anything. It‟s more like don‟t ask, don‟t tell.”

“Doesn‟t that… bother you?”

“Nope. She‟s a lot less of a bitch now. Do you want something to drink?”

“No. Why don‟t your parents just get divorced?”

“Why? They‟re finally happy… And I strongly suspect my dad doesn‟t want to have to pay alimony.

He‟s an asshole like that,” Emmett said, before biting into his pizza.

“Um… Okay.”

Emmett laughed a loud, booming laugh, and then I was laughing too. I don‟t know why, but I

couldn‟t help it - he was infectious.

I couldn‟t help but wonder if he was so open with everybody, or if I was an exception.

“Did Rosalie leave?” I asked, when our laughter died down.

“Yep.”

“You guys are all really close, aren‟t you?” I asked.

“Sure, we grew up together… And before you ask, we don‟t have orgies.”

“Oh, I wasn‟t -” I stammered, my face burning.

“Come on. I know you heard that one already.”

“Okay. I heard it. But I didn‟t believe it.”

“You know what?”

“What?”

“I like you. You‟re a good kid.”

“I like you too, Emmett.”

“Quit makin‟ me blush,” he said, tossing his crust into the sink.

“Really,” I said, laughing. “I like your friends. I feel like I fit better here than I do with Jessica
Stanley and company.”

“Hmm. I feel like you do too,” he said, and I thought I detected a double meaning.

“Who is Edward‟s girlfriend?” I blurted out.

“Edward doesn‟t have a girlfriend. Why?”

“Oh… he just… implied that he did, I guess.”

Emmett shook his head slowly, and I noticed his humor faded away.

“What did he - did something happen between you two?”

“No,” I said quickly, without even thinking.

I don‟t know why, but I had a sick instinct to protect Edward.

I shouldn‟t have, after the way he treated me, but somehow, I got the feeling I shouldn‟t kiss and

tell.

Why Emmett would care, I didn‟t know, but he was clearly concerned, and I felt bad for lying to
him.

A look of relief crossed Emmett‟s face when I lied.

What the Hell?

He quickly grinned at me, covering up whatever he was thinking.

“How do you feel about Tecmo Bowl?”

“I feel like I love all things retro video games,” I grinned.

“Score. Come on, I‟ll kick your ass.”

After he did kick my ass several times over, Emmett dropped me off at home.

By then, it was dark, but Charlie was still out fishing.

I was just happy my dad left me alone for the most part. When I decided to move in with him, we
agreed that because I was eighteen - a legal adult - as long as I let him know where I was and I

was doing well in school and I kept reasonable hours, I could have all the freedom I wanted.

Thank God.

In my room, I took my jeans off and kept Edward‟s shirt on - I was a glutton for punishment.

I flopped on my bed and smiled at my newly established friendships. Alice, Jasper and Emmett
were amazing. I couldn‟t believe how well I clicked with them so easily. Edward and Rosalie would

just have to deal with the fact that I was going to be around.

Edward.

I stared at the ceiling and replayed that kiss over and over in my head for what seemed like hours,

until I heard Charlie on the stairs.

My door opened, which was odd - Charlie always knocked.

“I‟m sleeping, dad,” I said, not moving my eyes from the ceiling.

“Oh, I‟m not your daddy.”

I sat up in a flash.

Jesus.

“What the Hell are you doing here?” I hissed.

“I wanted to see where you lived.” He shrugged.

Edward was just standing there, in my bedroom, completely calm, cool and drunk.

He was wearing a tattered, hooded sweatshirt and faded, low slung jeans. His hair was flopped in

his eyes, and I noticed a few wayward locks loosely curled up at the back of his head.

He held a bottle of beer in one hand, and his other hand was tucked in the front pouch of his shirt.

I was astounded at how beautiful and comfortable he looked.

I, on the other hand, sat frozen on my own bed, gaping at him.

Edward drained the beer and plunked the empty bottle on my dresser. He picked up a necklace I

had laying there, briefly inspected it, then dropped it back on the dresser.

“You… have to get out of here,” I said.

“Why?”

“Because! Because I‟m not even entirely sure I don‟t hate you, and, God, my father will be here -”

“Then you better be quiet,” he said, poking around my desk.

I wondered if he made a habit of breaking and entering. He seemed awfully comfortable with it.

“Look, what do you want?”

“I already told you. I wanted to see where you live.”

“So… you just walked in my house? In the middle of the night? God, the world is not yours! You

can‟t just -”

“But I did,” he grinned.

“If you came to cheat or whatever on your commitments again -”

“You‟re still wearing my shirt.”

“I-It‟s comfortable,” I sniffed.

“Give it back.”

“No.”

“It‟s mine, and I want it.”

“Forget it. You owe me.”

“What the fuck for?”

“For being an asshole.”

“Fair enough,” he sighed, and I was surprised he gave in that easily.

He pushed me over and lay down on my bed.

My heard pounded, and I was confused and angry and thrilled.

He closed his eyes.

“Bella?”

“What?”

“Did you ever think you had everything all figured out… and then you realize you have no idea

what the fuck you‟re doing?”

“All the time,” I whispered, staring at his still form laying next to me.

He was quiet.

“Edward?”

“What?”

“This is what I meant by mind fucking.”

“Yeah, well, if it makes you feel any better, I‟m doing it to myself too.”

“What the Hell does that mean?”

“Nothing.”

“Look -”

“Can we be friends? I just… want to be your friend.”

My heart sank.

Friends.

But it was better than nothing. And it meant I had a place in their group, after all.

“We can be friends,” I said.

He let out a kind of sharp, short laugh, then he was asleep.

Chapter 6.

BPOV

I didn‟t remember falling asleep, but I must have, because I woke up.

And when I did, Edward was gone.

I sat there, confused and puffy eyed, and wondered if he was ever really there at all. Then I rolled
over to my side, to the spot where I could‟ve sworn he laid in, and it was still warm, and his scent

was there, strong and good… He must‟ve just left.

Friends.

I was turned on by just the scent of him, and we were friends.

Overnight, my anger dissolved.

Maybe it was because he was drunk, and his defenses were down, but last night, when he was
laying there, he was just so torn and vulnerable… And I knew he didn‟t want to hurt me, because if
he did, why did he come to me to do nothing? He didn‟t even so much as hold my hand and he‟d

seemed so conflicted and almost… defeated?

The more I thought about it, the more it didn‟t make sense.

The five of them had each other, yet Alice seemed so eager for a new friend, and Edward… Edward
said he needed a friend too. I wanted to be friends with them desperately, but why did they want
me?

It didn‟t matter. What mattered was that they did, and I would be their friend.

Then I pressed my face into the pillow Edward had lain on, and I thought about how hard it would
be to be his friend… And then, of course, I wondered if he would even own up to saying that at all,
when he was sober.

I got out of bed, having a serious debate about whether I actually had to take his shirt off ever,
when something caught my eye.

The beer bottle on my dresser.

I‟d have to get rid of it before Charlie saw it - that would definitely put a damper on my freedom. I
went to snatch it up and noticed a piece of scrap paper under it. Written on it in my brown eyeliner

was

Thanks for sharing the bed.

E.

I smiled.

We were still friends.

EPOV

Fuck it, I was glad I went to Bella‟s.

I was glad I was drunk enough to just pass out instead of just drunk enough to fuck up again.

I had to go there last night.

The thought of her all mad and confused bugged the Hell out of me, and anyway, I had to make it

right for Alice… But still, it was pretty much Hell.

Ignoring her would be easier… Giving in and fucking her would be better, but I couldn‟t do either of

those, so… right, friend Hell it was.

At least it was Saturday, and that meant Rosalie.

I could still smell Bella all over me and I was relieved that I couldn‟t remember laying in her bed all

night.

I couldn‟t even look at her when I left. If I had, I wouldn‟t have left.

Her father must‟ve been home when I took off - I saw his car in the driveway. I wondered what

he‟d do if I ran into him at seven a.m., coming out of his daughter‟s room.

I had to smile.

I pulled into my driveway and sighed.

Saturday.

Esme would already be gone to yoga or whatever the Hell she and the stepford wives club were
into this month, and Carlisle would be at the hospital already - he usually left at around five… And

they both were under the assumption I‟d stayed at Emmett‟s.

I walked in the house, wanting my own bed, more sleep, but Rosalie was there, standing in the

foyer, not looking happy.

I should‟ve never given her a key.

“Shit, sorry,” I mumbled.

“I told you I was going to Port Angeles today. I told you it had to be early.”

“Fuck, Rose, the sun‟s barely even up. Get off my shit.”

“We could skip it today -”

“No.”

Fuck that, I needed today.

“Where were you?” she asked suspiciously.

“Out.”

The beauty of this situation was she wasn‟t my girlfriend - she wouldn‟t nag me about it.

“You‟re hungover.”

“I am. Let me get into the shower -”

“That‟ll take forever.”

“Get in with me.”

Rosalie liked water sex. Pools, bathtubs, showers - she was into it.

“Fine. But don‟t get my hair wet,” she said, piling it on top of her head.

I rolled my eyes and bounced up the stairs.

I didn‟t wait for her. I got in the shower and stood under the hot spray, resisting the urge to grab

my stiff dick - she could take care of that.

Almost two minutes later I felt her step in behind me.

“Shit, it‟s hot,” she yelped, and I laughed.

I felt her tits press into my back, and a groan came from my throat.

Rosalie‟s hands crawled from my back to my chest, and her mouth pressed into my shoulder blade.

I leaned lightly back into her, and one of her hands slid down my stomach and wrapped around my

cock.

She sighed loudly into the skin on my shoulder and gripped harder. I shivered despite the steam

and looked down to watch her stroke me.

She knew exactly the right way to touch me, and I was grateful for no more awkward, partly

painful handjobs… We hadn‟t had that problem in years.

I grabbed her wrist and turned around to face her.

“Nice,” I said, looking at her fresh wax job. She must‟ve just got it done. Last time I was with her,

it‟d started to grow out.

I let my fingers reach out and stroke the soft skin there… My world had changed for the better last

year, when Rose decided to go bare.

She grabbed my hand and slid it an inch lower.

I cocked my head and grinned at her - she was eager today.

She smiled back and reached out to push my wet hair from my forehead.

“Just make me come, Romeo,” she said, half joking.

I let my finger slide up her slit and I stopped when I felt her swollen clit.

Wow.

It wouldn‟t take much; she was already worked up.

I slid my finger up and down, and her back arched… Fuck, so quick?

No.

I dipped two fingers inside and fucked her with them, until I noticed her legs start to tremble.

I took my hand away, and Rosalie turned around and let her palms rest on the tile wall.

I let one hand slide over her ass.

“You haven‟t missed any pills…”

“No, no, I‟m good,” she panted.

Then I grabbed her hips and slid inside, grateful that I could trust everyone else not to cheat.

We only used condoms if the girls missed a pill. There was no other need to. we were all clean, due

to the pact, and we‟ve only ever had one almost mishap.

Sophomore year, Alice‟s period was four days late. At the time, she wasn‟t on the pill, and we all

used condoms, but suffice to say, we weren‟t experienced with them.

It was awful. Alice cried all day every day during those four days. She told me it wasn‟t so much

the actual pregnancy issue; it was more the fact that she wouldn‟t even know whose kid it was.

Then she said something that shocked the Hell out of me.

She told me she felt like a whore.

I told her not to be stupid… And that this would be everyone‟s responsibility, and maybe it would

have been, but Alice started her period, and the girls got on the pill, and it never came up again.

But I never forgot that Alice said that.

-

I climbed back into bed, still wet from the shower, and closed my eyes, while Rosalie got dressed

and bitched about her hair.

“You didn‟t mind at the time,” I called from my bed.

“Shut up,” she yelled back.

Rosalie came to the side of my bed, brushed her lips lightly to mine and told me she‟d see me
tomorrow.

“Be safe,” I sighed, without opening my eyes.

Then she was gone, and I could go back to thinking about Bella.

BPOV

I took a shower and thought about Edward.

I ate breakfast and thought about Edward.

I did some homework and thought about Edward.

Then my mind wandered to all of them - what they all did on a lazy Saturday afternoon.

I lazed around the house, bored and anxious at the same time, and debated calling Alice.

But I didn‟t have to, because in the middle of the afternoon, there was a honk in my driveway.

I opened the door, and Emmett‟s huge Jeep was there.

“Let‟s go, sister,” he yelled from his window.

I smiled, grabbed a jacket and walked out the door.

I hopped in the backseat with Jasper and Alice. Edward was in the passenger‟s seat, and Rosalie

wasn‟t there at all.

“Wanna play with us today?” Alice asked.

“Yep,” I grinned.

Jasper reached over her and ruffled my hair, and I leaned over Alice to poke him in his side.

Edward didn‟t turn around, and he said nothing about last night, so I didn‟t mention it either, but
wordlessly he reached his arm back over his head.

I grabbed his hand, and he gave a short squeeze, then drew his hand away.

We did play that day, and, God, they were fun and funny and warm and sarcastic, and… I fit. I fit

like I‟d always been there.

All of the questions and suspicions I had about them disappeared, because I was sure I felt what

they felt; I understood them. The affection and the bond… It was all there.

I was comfortable putting my arms around Emmett‟s waist and sitting on Jasper‟s lap, sharing the
Ipod. Edward was actually sweet - the sweet Edward Alice had referred to before - though I noticed

he did keep his distance from me.

When it was very late, or very early, depending on how you looked at it, Edward drove me home.

“That was fun,” I said in the car. “I like your friends a lot.”

“They like you… and, Bella, they‟re your friends too.”

“I guess they are,” I agreed.

-

The next few weeks passed happily.

I was officially the sixth member of their group, and though Rosalie wasn‟t exactly warm, she was

resigned.

I sat with them at lunch and hung out at Emmett‟s after school with whoever happened to be

there.

Charlie was happy I‟d made friends so quickly, and he was completely oblivious to the fact that

Edward Cullen spent most nights in my bed.

Charlie had nothing to be worried about anyway. It would‟ve been less chaste if I was in there with

a nun.

Much to my dismay, Edward never touched me.

We talked a lot about… well, everything… He told me his parents didn‟t really notice if he was there

or not when I asked how he pulled off getting away every night.

Sometimes we slept, sometimes we‟d stay up, and I‟d tell him about Arizona and Renee.

He talked about going to med school, and I talked about writing.

He insulted my book collection, and I started a small collection of various articles of his clothing.

I showed him card tricks, and he didn‟t even pretend to be impressed.

He told me dirty jokes that made me blush, and then he‟d laugh at me.

But he never touched me.

It was torture, not touching him back. I‟d lay there with an ache between my legs, silently willing

him to touch me, but he never did, and I couldn‟t just attack him.

He wanted to be friends and nothing more, just like he was with Alice and Rosalie… But still, I
wondered if he ever spent nights talking in bed with them and if he did, how they resisted touching
him.

Sometimes, I could swear he was looking at me like… like he wanted me, but I never broached the
subject. I made the mistake of kissing him once before, when I stupidly thought he wanted me,

and that had disastrous results.

At school, Jessica Stanley had given up on talking to me, and I noticed that I was getting looks.

The same looks I noticed the five of them got, when I first came here.

It just proved how ignorant the assholes at school were. I now knew first hand nothing strange was
going on, but they only saw what they wanted to, and I understood completely why the five of

them isolated themselves from the rest of the school.

I was only too happy to follow suit.

I sat in the library one afternoon with Jasper. We both had a paper due and got permission to
spend the hour in the library.

Jasper sat across from me, and at the table behind him, Tyler Crowley sat, facing me.

I looked up and tapped my pen on the table. Edward was supposed to be meeting us, and I was

anxious to be near him.

My eyes locked with Tyler‟s, and before I could look away, he very distinctly mouthed, “Slut.”

I gasped, shocked and hurt. No one had ever just said something like that to me.

Jasper‟s head snapped up, looking at me questioning.

My eyes fell back on Tyler.

He did it again.

My eyes started to sting, and I froze, shocked at Tyler and shocked at how much it hurt.

I barely noticed when Edward strode in the library.

He stopped in his tracks behind Tyler‟s table, and the smile left his face.

Edward looked in my tear filled eyes and then down at the top of Tyler‟s head, who was still giving
me a cocky sneer.

Edward‟s hand reached out and hesitated for half a second. Then he slammed Tyler Crowley‟s head
into the table.

Chapter 7.

EPOV

“Get up,” I said, kicking the back of Crowley‟s chair.

He made Bella cry, dammit, and out of all of us, she deserved it the least.

I knew just from the look on her face he‟d said something to her - it was the same look Rosalie and
Alice used to have when it happened to them… The difference was, Bella didn‟t have any clue why

Tyler would say something like that to her.

And, God, why were these kids so fucking stupid? I mean, really, how many times do you have to
get your ass kicked, before you learn to keep your fucking mouth shut?

Crowley picked his head up, and there was a pool of blood on the table.

I broke his nose.

Good, maybe he‟d finally keep his damn mouth closed.

I pulled his chair out. Fuck it, I‟d make him stand.

Then Jasper came over and grabbed my arm before I could yank Crowley up by the collar.

Then a shitload of people were everywhere, and Mrs. Clearwater told me to get to the principal‟s

office.

“No need. Three days suspension, I got it,” I said, then started walking out.

“Edward?” I heard Bella over the excited buzz.

Fuck.

I stopped.

“I want you all in the principal‟s office… now,” Clearwater said. “Come on, Tyler. You need to get to

the nurse.”

Twenty minutes later I sat in the office with Bella and Mr. Call.

I stated my case without much feeling. We‟ve been through this too many times; me and Call were

both sick of it.

“Three days, Cullen. I thought we‟d actually make it through the semester this time.”

“Yeah, well, we didn‟t.”

“Look, Edward, you better get that temper in check. You‟re a smart kid, you got a lot on the ball…

I‟d hate to see you throw it all away.”

I stared at him.

“Crowley could press charges.”

“He won‟t,” I sighed.

“I wouldn‟t be so sure.”

“If he does, Bella will press sexual harassment charges.” I shrugged and I noticed Bella flinch from

the corner of my eye.

“I‟ll speak to Crowley‟s parents,” Mr. Call said flatly. We‟ve had similar discussions before. “And

Ms. Swan… be careful of the company you keep.”

Bella just sat there.

“See you in three days,” I said and got up and walked out.

I wondered how long it would take him to get a hold of Esme… which didn‟t worry me. She‟d ask if
I was okay, she‟d tell me not to do it again and then she‟d tell me there‟s no need to mention it to

my father.

“Edward!” I heard Bella‟s voice echo down the empty hallway.

I stopped, and she caught up with me.

“Why did you do that?” she asked. Her eyes were all sad looking, and, fuck, I couldn‟t even look

back into them.

“Because he‟s a little boy who talks too much, and he had it coming… again.”

“Who cares? Who cares about him? You got yourself in trouble -”

“I don‟t care about him. I care when he goes around, making you cry.”

She kind of froze.

Shit.

“You‟re my friend. I‟m not gonna just stand there, while that jackass makes you cry.”

“Edward -”

“Go back to class, Bella. I‟ll see you later.”

-

I lazed around on Emmett‟s couch, waiting for them to get home from school.

Rosalie and Jasper walked in first, hand in hand.

“You dumb motherfucker,” Rosalie said, pointing at me.

“Did you get a look at his face?” Jasper asked, laughing.

“No.”

“Dude, he‟s fucked up,” Jasper smiled, knocking his fist into mine as he passed me on his way to

the kitchen.

Rosalie stood in front of me… I didn‟t want to argue with her.

I stretched out my foot and nudged her leg.

“Why‟d you do it? You know you can‟t have any more trouble. Dartmouth might drop you -”

“It‟s high school shit - they won‟t. Plus, they like Carlisle‟s money too much. I‟m fine.”

“Edward, we agreed no more fighting over this. We all agreed -”

“Bella never agreed.”

“Bella. That‟s what makes this all worse. You‟re defending pussy you‟re not even getting! Why are

you risking shit for her? Some kid calls her a slut, and -”

“Is that what he called her? A slut?” I asked, and the anger was bubbling in me again.

“What the Hell does it matter what he says?” Rosalie asked, incredulous.

I shrugged.

It just did.

Rosalie‟s eyes narrowed at me.

“What?” I asked.

“Have you… have you fucked her?” Rosalie sneered suspiciously, just as Jasper came back in.

“No, God, Rose. What the fuck -”

“But you want to.”

“Hell, yes, I want to, she‟s hot. I also want to fuck that cute teachers aide in calculus and the chick

who brings the bread at La Italia, but I‟m not going to.”

Rosalie rolled her eyes.

“I hope you know what you‟re doing,” she said.

“Psssh… always,” I lied.

“Then I‟ll get off your shit,” Rosalie said.

“Thank you,” I said and pulled her onto my lap.

Then I stared at the door and waited for Bella to walk in.

And eventually, the door did open, and Alice walked in, trailed by Emmett, who had Bella on his

back.

Rosalie got off of my lap and pulled Jasper into the kitchen with her.

Bella kind of smiled at me and hopped off of Emmett‟s back, but not before she planted a quick

kiss on the side of his neck.

Emmett cocked his head and winked at me.

Horny bastard.

“I can‟t believe I missed that shit! If I would‟ve known we were still fighting, I would‟ve fucked
Newton up last week. Did you get three days?”

“Yep.”

“Fucking Crowley,” Emmett laughed, and Alice pulled him up the stairs. She was always eager after

a stressful day.

“I planned,” Bella said, walking over to me, “to be mad at you and give you a list of reasons why

that was so wrong.”

“Oh? Bring it,” I said, grinning up at her.

I liked when she yelled and jumped around; everything on her got either red or jiggly.

“I changed my mind,” she said, and before I knew what she was doing, she fucking sat on my lap.

This was new.

I couldn‟t really blame her. She thought she was a part of our group in every aspect; she was just
mimicking what she saw everyone else do.

My dick didn‟t know that, though.

“Instead,” she said, “I‟m just going to say thank you… And please don‟t do it again.”

“Bella,” I said, grabbing her hips to move her, but then she shifted and kind of squeaked.

She felt it.

Her head slowly turned toward me, and… fuck me hard… She smiled.

Bella grabbed my hand from her hip and kissed my fingertips.

Jesus.

“You gotta get up,” I said.

“I-I can feel you and I‟m not… offended? I guess what I mean is… I like it.”

“Bella, I can‟t -”

“Of course you can,” she said and then she put my hand on her tit.

Dammit.

Dammit.

Dammit.

She was bigger, softer than Rosalie and Alice - better.

My eyes closed, and I remembered the day she peeled that wet bra off, and then my cock twitched

underneath her, and any hope I had of stopping was gone.

She felt too good.

My thumb brushed up and down, until I felt her nipple go hard through her shirt.

She let her head toss back on my shoulder, and I could smell her and almost taste her. Then her
ass started moving around on my cock, and because I‟m an asshole and couldn‟t stop, I used the
hand that was still on her hip to work her into a rhythm that suited me.

She turned her head, and I felt her lips on my jaw, and then her tongue flicked my earlobe.

“Take me home… I want you… Take me to my house,” she whispered.

The kitchen door swung open, and Jasper walked in.

I couldn‟t quite decide if he was my salvation or my demise.

Bella sat straight up and scooted off my lap.

Her face was red, and she was breathing heavy.

Jasper‟s eyes zeroed in on tits. I wasn‟t surprised. He had radar for erect nipples; he was into that

shit.

He shot me a thankful glance and sat down next to Bella.

Out of all of us, Jasper was the most laid back about fucking around. His only rule was „don‟t

exchange bodily fluids outside of the group‟… So as far as he was concerned, I just did him a favor.

I got up and went to the bathroom.

Then I did something I hadn‟t done in a very long time.

I jacked off.

I could‟ve gone to Rose or Alice, but… I don‟t know… It just felt like this was between me and Bella
and… Well, my hand.

I should‟ve known right there this was just the beginning of the end… It was a downward spiral
from there.

One Week Later

“Harder… God, just fuck harder,” Rosalie growled.

And I did.

My hands tore at the pink sheets on either side of her, and sweat started to pool between her

stomach and mine.

Rose already came… twice… a while ago.

She was getting raw and dry, so I pulled out, crawled down and lapped at her quickly, then thrust

back in.

Rosalie‟s legs went limp around me - she was exhausted from pulling out all the stops.

“Are you going to come or not?”

“No,” I sighed and rolled off of her.

“What the Hell is the matter?” she asked, annoyed and breathless.

“Nothing. I‟m fucking tired.”

“Right. Tired. You know, Alice told me you went down on her the other day… and that‟s all.”

“Alice got off, believe me… And since when do we share details?”

“Since something isn‟t right… Edward, what the Hell is going on? “

“Maybe I‟m bored,” I snapped.

She looked like I slapped her in the face.

I was frustrated and pissed and worried, and it made me defensive.

What the Hell was wrong with me?

I‟d been staying the Hell away from Bella‟s house at night, and neither of us mentioned what

happened at Emmett‟s house a week ago, except for Jasper, whose new passion was Bella‟s tits.

“Sorry, Rose,” I said. “I didn‟t - you know it‟s not you.”

“Damn straight it‟s not me.”

I sighed and got up and got dressed.

BPOV

He hadn‟t been over in a week.

I saw him at school and at Emmett‟s, and things were fine, but he never came over at night

anymore, and I missed him.

After I had a full week to contemplate that day at Emmett‟s. I still couldn‟t make sense of it.

Clearly, I could turn him on, and, God, we could talk about everything and laugh and fight, and

there was this pull between us… I was more sure than ever that he felt it too.

Yet he was so fucking resistant to me.

And the longer he stayed away, the more the truth became clearer to me - I was falling in love
with Edward.

It hurt more and more every night he stayed away, and it was getting to be too much to bear, just

being around him. And Alice noticed.

She came to my house at the end of that week, and like a fool, I thought it would be Edward.

“Oh, glad to see you too, Bella,” she laughed, when my face fell when I saw it was her at the door.

“Oh! No, Alice… I just thought, maybe, you were Edward.”

“Edward? Why would Edward be here?” she asked.

“I don‟t know. He hasn‟t been over in like a week -”

“Edward has been coming to your house? At night?” she asked.

“Well, yeah. We got kind of close and -”

“Have you two… Are you guys…”

“No. Unfortunately for me, no.”

Alice blinked at me, then grabbed my hand and sat me down on the couch and plopped beside me.

“Has he kissed you?” she asked.

“Uh… Once… a long time ago, when I first got here. He hasn‟t touched me since. Well, that‟s not

true. He felt me up on Emmett‟s couch last week and…”

Alice‟s eyes closed, and my words trailed off.

“Bastard,” she whispered.

“Alice? Is something wrong? Oh, God, you like him. You like him, don‟t you?”

She shook her head quickly.

“Oh. I guess I don‟t really understand -”

“I have to go, Bella.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yep.”

“No… you‟re upset. What‟s going on? Something isn‟t right.”

Alice took a deep breath.

“You‟re right. But… it‟s Edward‟s place to explain it, and, God, you know, I‟m done keeping secrets
from one of my best friends.”

“You‟re freaking me out. Stop it,” I said, confused and worried.

“Give me a half hour… I‟ll be back,” she said and then she left.

EPOV

“You selfish son of a bitch! You just couldn‟t leave her the fuck alone?”

“Hey, Alice, make yourself comfortable,” I said, tossing my keys on my bed, next to her.

She picked them up and threw them at me. I caught them mid air.

“I told you not to fuck with her! I told you she‟s my friend.”

“She‟s my friend too,” I said.

“How long?”

“How long what?” I asked, taking my sweatshirt off.

It still smelled like Rosalie.

“How long have you been going over there at night?”

Fuck.

“A while. She‟s my friend, Alice. I didn‟t fuck up.”

“You did! You ruined everything and you hurt her -”

“I never touched her!”

“You kissed her. You cheated on us!”

“Please. She kissed me.”

“And why do you think she did that?”

“Fuck, Alice, I don‟t -”

“She likes you. And what do you do? You go over there at night and play fucking chaste boyfriend
and set her up to get hurt!”

“It‟s wasn‟t like that…”

“I‟m done with you. I love you, Edward, but I‟m done. No more sex. One of my best friends likes

you, and now it‟ll be like backstabbing her -”

“This is exactly the kind of shit we were trying to avoid, Alice! Don‟t be a hyprocrite.”

“Me? Are you fucking serious? You’re carrying on an emotional relationship with her and fucking

other people! Did you think this was gonna go smoothly?”

“Shut up. You‟re the one who wouldn‟t shut up about how we needed other friends… Well, I found

one. As long as I don‟t touch her, it‟s not your business.”

“The Hell it isn‟t. I‟m not gonna sit around, while you torture her… You have to tell her.”

“What?”

“She deserves to know. We call her our friend, but all we‟ve done is lie to her… And if you don‟t tell

her, I will.”

“Oh? And what about everyone else?”

“They‟ve been lying to her too! We‟re all wrong… And Emmett and Jasper couldn‟t care less if she

knows -”

“Rosalie -”

“Will have to get over it.”

We were quiet for a minute.

“I don‟t think I can tell her, Alice.”

“You have to. You fucked with her, now you owe her an explanation.”

I jiggled the keys in my hand and looked at Alice.

“She‟s gonna hate us all,” I said.

“I‟m hoping she‟s different,” Alice said.

I laughed.

“Just… go. Tell her,” Alice said, her voice suddenly small, and she sounded ashamed.

I pulled her in and hugged her and wondered if she meant what she said about us being over…

physically.

I couldn‟t tell if she was just mad, or if she meant it… But I knew if she did, I‟d miss her and I

hoped this wasn‟t our goodbye.

Then I left to go to Bella‟s to tell her exactly what was going on.

Chapter 8.

BPOV

I waited for Alice to come back.

Whatever the Hell she was up to, it couldn‟t be that bad. She‟d said she was done keeping secrets,

which was good. That meant she trusted me.

The only thing I couldn‟t make sense of was her reaction to Edward coming to my house. I mean,

she said she didn‟t like him… I couldn‟t see what the big deal was.

And then I decided I was done keeping secrets too.

I was going to tell Edward how I felt about him, how hard it was for me to not touch him, how I
thought he was beautiful and funny and smart, and how I was falling in love with him… Because I

just knew he felt the same way.

I could feel it.

And then I was going to find out why he was so resistant to it, and I was going to find out what
these commitments were, and why they meant we couldn‟t be together. And then I‟d just have to

convince him otherwise.

So I waited for Alice to come back, so the secret purging could begin… But when I heard a car in

the driveway and got up to look, it wasn‟t Alice I saw.

It was Edward.

Good.

I took a deep breath and opened the door.

EPOV

Bella opened the door, all cute and happy to see me.

Shit.

“Hi, I‟m really glad you‟re here. I -”

“Is your dad home?” I asked.

“No, he‟s out with -”

I brushed past her and walked in.

I wanted to do this quickly.

“Uh… Hi, nice to see you too, Edward,” Bella spat.

“Look -”

“Where the Hell have you been? Why did you just stop coming here? I mean, is this about what

happened at Emmett‟s, because -”

“Kind of. Listen, I have to tell you something pretty… fucked up.”

“Me too,” she said.

“Bella -”

“Edward -”

I stopped.

She looked all nervous and shit, and I half wondered if Alice already told her… And then I hoped

she did, because I had no idea what the fuck to actually say.

“What?” I asked.

“I really missed you this week…”

Jesus.

What could I say?

I missed you too. You know, I can‟t even fuck anymore because I want you so much?

I let her keep talking.

“And I really - What happened at Emmett‟s was… God, it was the best I ever felt…”

Yeah, me too, sweetheart.

“Look, Edward, I think… I think I‟m falling in lo-”

“Shut up.”

My hands clenched into fists, and she looked like I just kicked her in the stomach.

I couldn‟t let her say it.

If I heard that… And, God, she didn‟t even know what she was talking about.

Bella‟s arms wrapped around her stomach, and she sat down on the couch.

“Am I wrong?” she asked, and her voice was shaky. “Something is here, between us. I know you

know that, and -”

“You don‟t even know me,” I said, looking at the ceiling.

“Yes, I do,” she whispered.

“No, believe me, you don‟t.”

“Edward… I just can‟t see why you do this. I know how you feel about me - I can see it. And I
know that I do love -”

“I fuck Alice at least two days a week. And then, when I‟m not doing Alice, I‟m doing Rosalie. And
when they‟re not on top of me, they‟re getting it from Emmett or Jasper.”

I didn‟t even look at her, but for the first time I said it out loud, I heard how it would sound to an
outsider.

Fucking disgusting.

“What?”

“God… You heard me.”

Don‟t make me say it again.

“I guess… I don‟t understand?”

“There‟s nothing to understand. It is what it is.”

“So… all that shit they say… It‟s true?”

“No. Jasper doesn‟t suck my dick. I‟ve never been with more than one person at a time. I don‟t
have AIDS. I‟m not suicidal. I don‟t have a kid with Rosalie. Emmett doesn‟t have a kid with

Rosalie. We don‟t pay the girls -”

“Stop. Just… shut up.”

She was quiet for a second, and I still couldn‟t look at her.

“Do you love them?”

“Fuck, Bella, I don‟t… It‟s not like that. It‟s just… We were friends. We started this thing and now

we‟re more than friends, but… not…”

I didn‟t feel for them the way I felt for Bella. All I knew was this shit was a lot less complicated

before she showed up.

“So… you‟re like… committed. That‟s what that meant,” she mumbled.

Ask me to stop.

Fucking say it, and I swear to God, I will.

“How… how could you not tell me that? Everyone else I could understand, but you? We were… I

mean -”

“It‟s not your business. Why do you think we keep to ourselves? Because we let someone else in,

and this kind of shit happens.”

“You were coming here! You came to me, so fuck you! You knew -”

“Look, you showed up here, and Alice wanted to be your friend, me and you got along, whatever.
Bella, this was going on long before you came here. It‟s got nothing to do with you, and we don‟t

owe you an explanation.”

“They don‟t. You do.”

“I am them. I am a part of them. What don‟t you get -”

“No! Emmett and Jasper don‟t kiss me and run away. They don‟t come to my room at night and -”

“Shut up.”

Ask me to stop.

Ask me to stay with you.

“Get out.”

And I couldn‟t blame her.

She couldn‟t fucking love me now that she knew who I really was - nothing more than a slut with a

schedule.

BPOV

I hadn‟t even processed what he said by the time Alice returned.

She walked in without knocking, and I stared at her.

He touched her.

She knew what he looked like… all over.

She knew what his fingers felt like, what his tongue felt like, and she knew the noises he made
when he was turned on… But did she know what he looked like when he was sleeping, or the way

his voice sounded hollow when he talked about his parents?

Probably. She had the best of both worlds - his friendship and his body.

“Do you… do you hate me?” she asked, standing in the doorway.

“No.”

“God, Bella, I never had a friend outside of the four of them, so when you came along, I was just
so happy and I didn‟t know how to handle the situation. I just thought what you didn‟t know
couldn‟t hurt you, and I was scared you‟d think I was… awful. Then I found out what Edward was

doing, coming here… And it was never supposed to be like this -”

“Alice. Stop.”

“Oh, God, you do hate me…”

“No… I can‟t hate you. You‟ve been doing whatever it is you did before I showed up here… It‟s not
my place to just barge in and be pissed about a situation that has nothing to do with me…”

“Do you… do you think I‟m disgusting?” she asked, and her voice sounded small and worried.

“Alice, I just… I just don‟t understand.”

“Well… do you want me to try to explain it?” she asked, sounding hopeful.

“You don‟t have to do that -”

“I want to. If you want to hear it… I mean, if you still want to be friends,” she said.

“I… I think I‟d like to know, to understand you better.”

Alice sat down next to me, and before she spoke, all I could see was her underneath Edward.

“Shit… Okay. It‟s been going on so long… Sometimes I forget why it started in the first place… Do

you remember the first day I met you?”

I nodded.

“Okay, I told you Lauren Mallory got knocked up and dropped out -”

“Oh, God -”

“No! No. It could never be one of our guys, because … we have the pact.”

“The pact?”

“Lauren Mallory got knocked up. In our sophomore year, some kid tried to kill himself because he
got dumped. Angela and Jessica didn‟t talk for six months because they were fighting over Ben
Cheney. In Junior year, there was a Chlamydia outbreak in our school… Bella, all we were trying to
do was avoid the mess - the drama that comes with… high school. And we were young and curious
and friends, and it started out just exploring and learning… And it worked, because we never had

any jealousy or break ups or any of that, and we were happy.

“We were all getting what we wanted and we weren‟t hurting anybody… And we kept ourselves
closed off, because no one else would understand, and… we didn‟t need anyone else. Then you
showed up, and by that point, I was so in need of a friend who just… wouldn‟t judge me, and… I
never thought you‟d get hurt in this. I swear I didn‟t… We just never… anticipated anything like

this.”

I was silent.

“I understand if you don‟t want to be seen with us anymore, or if you don‟t want to be friends.”

“I don‟t care what people at school think. And your sex life is none of my business… I guess, in a

way, I kind of knew something wasn‟t quite… normal.”

Alice flinched, then nodded.

“Bella?”

“Huh?” I asked, still dazed.

“I won‟t be with Edward again. I won‟t. You‟re one of my best friends and -”

I felt sick, and it showed.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I‟m just… I mean…”

I couldn‟t even be mad at her.

How would she have known three years ago that some girl would move to town, become her best

friend and fall in love with her sex buddy?

“Bella? I‟m so sorry… I just… needed a friend.”

“You still have one,” I said.

And then she threw herself on me.

“I knew you were different! I knew you wouldn‟t judge me or -”

“And I won‟t, Alice… But right now, I think I need to be alone for a while.”

“Yeah, of course. I understand. Call me whenever you‟re ready, okay?” she asked, so earnest and

so relieved, I almost smiled at her.

Then she was gone, and I could finally cry.

EPOV

“You had no right to do that!” Rosalie was still yelling. “None!”

“I had to tell her. Fuck, Rose, she was gonna find out anyway and -”

“I can‟t believe you. I cannot fucking believe you. What the Hell happened to you? This girl moves
here, and you‟re a fucking mess. God, Edward, we‟re us. I trusted you. How could you do that to

us?”

“She needed to know. We‟ve all been lying -”

“No. No one ever lied to her, and so the fuck what if we did? She‟s not one of us; we don‟t owe her
any damn loyalty. You backstabbed all of us -”

“Geez, Rosalie, calm down,” Emmett said. “I don‟t see what the big deal is. Whatever, she knows.
Now we don‟t have to hide it. I don‟t know why we didn‟t tell her a long time ago.”

“That‟s not the point. The point is, he went behind our backs and blabbed!”

“I‟m sorry!,” I yelled, throwing my hands in the air. “Okay? I don‟t know what the Hell else you

want from me!”

“I want Edward back. Okay? I want Bella to go away and I want us to go back to normal -”

“Don‟t be stupid, Rose. She‟s our friend,” Jasper said.

“Yeah, well, I don‟t think so any more,” I said.

“Oh? Miss Holier Than Thou can‟t handle it? What did she say? Did she call you a pervert? A

whore?”

“Just… shut up,” I sighed.

“She never really fit in anyway. I‟m glad she‟s disgusted. Now she‟ll stay -”

“Shut. Your. Face,” I said, my teeth clenching together.

“Dude, easy,” Jasper cut in.

“Can you blame her, Rosalie? God -” She cut me off.

“Oh, that‟s rich, Edward. I don‟t recall you ever having morality issues before, and now that Miss

Goody Two Shoes shows up, you‟re too good -”

“I‟m not. I never said that. Fuck, stop twisting everything -”

“You ruined it. You ruined everything.”

“Why?” Emmett asked. “Because somebody knows? I‟m still not seeing the big deal.”

“We can‟t trust Edward.” Rosalie shrugged.

“Oh, fuck off, Rosalie. You know that‟s not true,” I said.

“I know that I don‟t want anyone outside of us knowing and I know that you just ruined that.”

“Wait,” Jasper said, smiling. “Bella doesn‟t necessarily have to be outside of the group.”

“Nice,” Emmett grinned, pointing at Jasper. “Let‟s even up the numbers.”

What the fuck?

“Hell, no,” Rosalie said. “No way.”

“Why?” Emmett asked.

“Because I don‟t even like her.”

“You don‟t have to fuck her.” Emmett shrugged.

And I just stood there.

I hadn‟t thought of that possibility before.

I didn‟t know if I liked it or not.

I considered it.

If she was in, I could have her. I could touch her and finally see her naked in that bed.

I could kiss her when she laughed, just like I wanted to do a thousand times.

I could put my arms around her and not force myself to let go too soon, like I always did.

Then again, so could Jasper and Emmett.

That thought pissed me off, which surprised me… I never had a problem sharing before… But I

quickly banished the thought and focused on my own possibilities.

I was good at thinking of only myself.

And shit, I would like to have her all for myself… But she‟d never feel that way about me now, and

if this was the only way…

My eyes locked with Jasper‟s.

They didn‟t know I‟d fallen for her.

They didn‟t have to know that. It‟s not like anything could come from it now anyway.

Fuck it.

None of this mattered anyway.

Bella would never agree to something like this.

“Look, Rose, if she‟s open to it, why not?” Jasper asked.

“Because we don‟t even know her. Because it‟s the five of us. We‟ve been together forever -”

“Six would even it out,” Emmett grinned.

“Maybe I don‟t want it even,” Rosalie snapped.

“You just like the boy/girl ratio. Maybe we don‟t. Don‟t be greedy, Rose. You can‟t bogart all the

dick,” Emmett said.

She rolled her eyes.

“Please,” she huffed, but Emmett hit a nerve.

She was selfish and insecure… I always knew that.

They continued to fight, and I continued to watch them and I had to tell myself not to get up and

knock someone the fuck out.

I didn‟t like the way they were talking about her, about just deciding to do her or not.

She wasn‟t like us, and they shouldn‟t have been talking about her like she was.

Whatever.

She‟d never agree anyway, so it didn‟t matter… And these were my best friends.

I couldn‟t lose sight of that.

I had to get myself in check.

I was no different than them.

BPOV

Twelve thirty a.m.

I still wanted him.

I still loved him.

There was more to him than his sex life; I could get past that… But he knew I was going to tell him

I loved him… and he didn‟t even acknowledge it.

It wasn‟t the commitment holding him back - he could walk away from that if he wanted to.

He didn‟t want me… And why would he?

Why would he give up Rosalie and Alice for me?

In that moment, it hurt so bad - worse than anything - and the only thing that would ever make it
okay would be to be with him… in any capacity I could.

The only question was, how far would I go to stop the pain?

How much was he worth to me?

Everything.

And it wasn‟t just him… They were my friends - the only people I „d ever really with connected

with.

I did love them - not like I loved Edward, but still. I just fit so well with them. If the pact was the

right thing for them, maybe it was right for me too.

I grabbed Charlie‟s keys from the kitchen - he‟d sleep right through this.

I got in his car and blocked out everything besides my nerve and my love for Edward.

I drove fast, trying not to think, to the one person I was certain would be awake and helpful.

His driveway was empty, like I knew it would be.

He opened the door before I could walk in.

“Bella.”

“I want in. I want to join the pact. Can you help me, Emmett?”

Chapter 9.

BPOV

“Um… Bella, I can‟t really -”

I ducked under his arm and walked into his house.

There was an Xbox controller and a beer on the coffee table, and he was alone.

I turned to face him. He was dressed for bed, in a grey undershirt and a pair of thin pajama
bottoms. The sleeves of the shirt were stretched tight over his huge arms, and his defined chest

was visible through the thin material of the t-shirt.

I could do worse.

“I know all about it… And I want you to… You know, let me in.”

“And by that you mean you’re gonna let me in?” he laughed.

I decided it would be better without talking, then.

I reached my hand out and grabbed the strings hanging from the waistband of his pants.

“Holy shit, you‟re serious…” he said, his eyes wide.

“I really, really am,” I said, pulling him closer.

“Bella -”

I cut him off with my mouth.

His lips kind of froze, then he reacted. He was kissing me back… He tasted like beer and salt, and…

not bad. Not bad at all.

I stood on my tiptoes, and his huge hands gripped my waist, and he yanked my hips into him.

I gasped into his mouth - his hard on was huge through his pants - and then my body took over

any hesitation my mind had.

My hands went into his dark, wavy hair and made fists. Emmett let out a sort of grunt, but then his

mouth moved from mine.

“Bella, look,” he said, breathing hard, and my hands dropped from his hair. His hands, however,

stayed firmly gripped on my waist.

I took a step back, and his hands let go of me.

“This is what I want,” I said. Then I pulled up the hem of my shirt and slipped it off, happy that I‟d
already gotten ready for bed, and there was no bra to deal with.

Emmett‟s eyes widened, and he sighed. Then his eyes closed.

“I‟m going to Hell,” he mumbled. Then he took off his own shirt and tossed it over my head.

“Emmett… wow,” I breathed. I always knew he was big and well built, but, God, everything on him

was sharp and hard.

“Yeah, you too,” he said quickly. Then his hands pulled me in, and my bare chest crashed into his.
His skin was hot and smooth, and I instantly felt my nipples go hard against him.

“God, you feel so different,” he murmured into my shoulder, and I vaguely registered he meant I
was different from Alice and Rosalie.

“Is it… Am I -”

“Fucking amazing,” Emmett said, and then he pushed into me, walking forward so I was walking

backward. His hands were flat on my back, holding me up so I didn‟t stumble.

My knees hit the arm of the couch, and I fell back onto it.

Emmett stayed on his feet, and my legs stayed propped over the arm of the couch, while my back

was flat on the cushions.

I felt his hands on my knees, and he spread my legs, so he could stand in between them.

Emmett leaned down over me and palmed both of my breasts.

“God, your tits are…” he trailed off into a groan, and then his mouth was on me.

His tongue circled my nipple, then flicked across it, and to my shock, it felt good.

I moaned out and grabbed his hair, then pushed his face to my other breast.

He kind of laughed and repeated the same act on my other breast.

“God…” I panted, “more… Just keep… doing that.”

Emmett‟s hands pushed in at the sides of my breasts, squeezing them together, then he took both

of my nipples into his mouth at the same time and sucked, hard.

The ache in between my legs abruptly turned sharp, and my back arched into him.

“Holy shit…” I cried out, because I couldn‟t help it. I hadn‟t expected to feel anything so amazing.

Emmett looked up at me and smiled, his dimples more sinful than dimples should ever look.

“I know a trick or two,” he said.

I pulled his face up to mine, and he hesitated when I raised my head to kiss him.

“What?” I asked.

“I don‟t usually kiss during football season… Fuck it, we already did,” he said, then quickly ran his
tongue over my lip, before slipping it into my mouth.

I pushed down on his shoulders, so I could scoot up, and his body fell on top of mine.

My legs wrapped around his waist, his hips slightly lifted, and I could feel his tip at my entrance

through our clothes.

His hand slipped in between us, and he shifted himself so the length of his dick was now hard and

flat against my covered slit.

I rubbed myself against him, desperate for friction.

Emmett ducked his head and took a nipple in between his teeth, causing my legs to tighten even
more around him.

His hands slid down the sides of my rib cage, and then his fingertips worked into the waistband of
my pants.

“Are you ready?” he whispered into my neck.

“Yeah… Yes…”

“They‟re gonna kill me,” he muttered, yanking down on my pants.

Wait. What?

Isn‟t this what they did?

“Wait, wait, Emmett. Why would they be mad?”

“Uh… This would most definitely be considered cheating,” he said, propping himself up on his

elbows, which were resting on either side of me.

“But… if we do this, I‟m in, so it won‟t be cheating.”

“That‟s not how it works,” he said, looking taken aback.

“Well, how does it work?”

“Jesus, I don‟t know. There‟s not exactly a precedent set for this. We‟ve never just had anyone else

come in… But I can‟t just decide on my own. Rose would kill me.”

Well, this certainly wasn‟t going to get me any closer to Edward.

I scooted back, out from under him, and sat up.

“Are you serious?” Emmett asked and sat up.

He gestured to his massive hard on, standing straight up through his pants.

“I‟m sorry… I just… I want to be in - the right way - and if we do this… it just makes you a

cheater.”

“I know,” he sighed, and his hand dragged over his face.

“Emmett, I didn‟t mean to - I really thought that -”

“It‟s okay. You‟re right. That was… That could‟ve been bad. They would‟ve fucking crucified me. I
owe them better than that.”

He stood up and got my shirt from the floor, then came back to me and slipped it over my head.

“Arms up,” he said. I raised them, and he slid my arms through the sleeves, then sat down next to

me.

“Why do you want in?” he asked, laying his head on the back of the couch.

I couldn‟t very well tell him I was in love with Edward - that would go against the pact - and I
couldn‟t tell him what was now glaringly obvious to me - Edward didn‟t want me in. Not once had

he ever implied it… And even earlier, when he told me about it, he didn‟t give any inclination he
wanted me… But I didn‟t want to lie Emmett either.

“I just… I feel like I‟m so a part of you guys already… If it‟s the right thing for you, it must be for
me too.”

“You‟re our friend regardless. You know that, right?”

“Yeah… Do you… not want me in?”

He laughed loudly.

“Believe me, now more than ever, I fucking want you.”

“Well, then -”

“I‟ll talk to them… But you know, Rose is… She‟s just -”

“She doesn‟t like me.”

“She gets jealous.”

“Of me? That‟s stupid. She‟s -”

“You have better tits. That bugs her… And you know, she likes attention. She doesn‟t want anyone

taking any away from her, and believe me, you would.”

“Why do you even -”

“I love Rose. You know, we all have our issues and shit, and that‟s hers… but she‟s a part of us,
and I love her.”

I smiled.

Whatever this thing was between them, it was unconditional.

And then the smile faded from my face, because Edward was a part of this, and I wasn‟t.

“Will you just try?” I asked.

Emmett put his arm around my neck and pulled me into him.

His lips rested on the top of my head.

“I‟ll do what I can,” he murmured.

-

I decided I‟d go to school the next day and act… normal.

I‟d just treat everyone the way I always did and I hoped they would do the same.

What else could I do?

They were my friends, and I still loved them… And I still had hopes that Emmett would come
through for me.

Alice was at my locker when I got to school.

“Hi,” she said cautiously.

“Hi, Alice,” I smiled.

Her face broke out into a relieved grin, and then my own smile was genuine.

Alice broke out into nervous chatter, while I gathered my books. But she never mentioned Emmett,

so I assumed he hadn‟t told her.

Before lunch, I went to the bathroom to prepare myself for going into the cafeteria to face all of

them.

I was nervous to see Edward. The last time we spoke, I told him to get out of my house, and while
what he did was wrong, I almost felt bad for him, like all he was trying to do was have a friend…

while keep his loyalty to his other friends. And then… I was in love with him.

I was anxious about seeing Emmett too. I left his house comfortable and on good terms last night,
but somehow, in broad daylight, I was embarrassed that he saw me half naked, that his mouth

was on me, all over me just hours ago… It seemed surreal.

I washed my hands, just to have something to do, and the bathroom door swung open, and Rosalie

walked in.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hello,” she said pleasantly enough… She had to know that I knew about the pact at this point. She

was making me nervous.

“Bella?”

“Hmm?”

“Emmett told me about last night.”

“Rosalie -”

“I have to say, it was smart to go to Emmett. He has the will power of Oprah on a diet, so I can

forgive him for cheating.”

“It really wasn‟t his fault. It was mine.”

“I know that. What I can‟t quite figure out is why you want in, and really, I don‟t give a fuck why.

It‟s not happening.”

And then I got mad.

Why should she control everyone?

And then I remembered what Alice and Emmett told me, about how she was insecure and jealous.

I decided to use it.

“You‟ve been doing this for… what? Three years? Don‟t you think they‟re ready for something new?

If you want to keep them at all, your best bet is to let me in. See you in the cafeteria.”

I walked out, my knees shaking and my vision blurred.

I couldn‟t believe I‟d just said that to Rosalie Hale.

I couldn‟t believe I just said that about myself.

Something new?

Like I was a new toy or something?

And then that thought dissolved, as I walked into the cafeteria, and my eyes fell on Edward.

That’s why I said it.

Not because I meant it, but because it could get me to him.

He was in his usual spot at the table, but there was no food in front of him, and that easy, crooked

grin was missing.

The hood of his sweatshirt was up over his head, shading his eyes, and he was leaning back in his

chair, his arms crossed over his chest.

I took a breath and walked over to the table.

“Hey, guys,” I said and pulled a chair out.

I sat, and everything was normal, like it always was.

No awkwardness with Emmett, no odd looks from Jasper, except at my chest, but that was

normal… And then I stole a glance at Edward.

Up close, I could see purple shadows under his eyes and I noticed he hadn‟t shaved.

“Hi,” I ventured quietly.

“Hi,” he said flatly, without looking at me.

“Edward, I, uh… I don‟t want to fight with you.”

Before he could respond, Rosalie came up behind him.

“I don‟t want to fight with you either, Edward,” she said.

He looked up at her, blankly.

“You told her, and now she knows, but I‟ll get over it. I just… I really want us to all be us again.

The five of us… The way it should be,” she said, like I wasn‟t even sitting there.

Rosalie tugged the hood of his sweatshirt down, making his thick hair stand and curl all over. Then

she leaned over and kissed the corner of his mouth.

She stood straight and smiled at me over the top of his head.

I wanted to vomit.

Edward stood up, looked from me to Rosalie and back again, then walked away.

EPOV

Fuck biology.

No way in hell was I going to sit there.

„I don’t want to fight with you’

What the fuck was that?

I couldn‟t just be her friend any more…how did she not know that?

That shit would be impossible now…because last night, when I couldn‟t even close my damn eyes

and I could barely even fucking breathe…something occurred to me.

I fucking fell in love with her.

And I could never have her, not to myself, not the way I wanted to.

But I could never really walk away and not fuck with her either, I‟m a motherfucker when it comes

to being selfish.

Then…my only pathetic thought was maybe, eventually, she‟d be…part of us.

I mean, she obviously still wanted to hang around, we hadn‟t disgusted her too much…

-

I could settle for fuck buddy.

I‟m good at fuck buddy…and at that point, I was so fucked up over her, I‟d take whatever I could

get.

She didn‟t want me anymore, I knew that, but for whatever reason, she was determined to hang

around us still…she‟d be at Emmett‟s later, I knew it.

Now all I had to do was pull my shit together and figure out how the hell to get her in.

Chapter 10.

BPOV

Edward didn‟t show up for biology.

I wasn‟t surprised.

He did, however, show up at Emmett‟s after school.

And that did surprise me.

I walked in with Alice, who had yet to mention my night with Emmett or the pact for that matter.

Emmett was sitting on the arm of the couch, and a flash of last night played in my mind.

I turned red, and Emmett winked at me.

Rosalie and Edward were on the couch. She was leaning into him, a blanket wrapped around her

shoulders.

Edward‟s head was back on the couch, and his eyes were closed.

I hated her.

I wanted to be her.

Jasper walked in behind me and Alice.

“Got it,” he said, holding a DVD up.

“Sebastian Cole fucking again?” Emmett groaned.

“Eff off, dude. This shit never gets old,” Jasper said.

“A movie? Right now?” Alice asked, confused.

I didn‟t get it.

EPOV

We never had orgies.

We really didn‟t.

But movie watching was the closest we ever came to that.

None of us ever said it out loud, but we all knew what slippery, little games went on under those

fucking blankets during a movie.

So when Jasper showed up with a DVD when Bella was there, it didn‟t make much sense.

Unless, of course, she was sitting next to me.

But she wasn‟t. I had Rosalie all up on my jock, which was fine, because I couldn‟t piss her off if I

wanted Bella.

And I did.

BPOV

I sat in Jasper‟s recliner. He‟d gone upstairs for something, while Alice situated herself between

Emmett‟s legs on the floor.

Alice had sex with Emmett.

It was still surreal, and I couldn‟t stop staring.

It was like seeing them in a new light, and I couldn‟t look over and Edward and Rosalie, because

I‟d see them that way too.

“Did I miss anything in biology?” Edward asked me abruptly.

We were talking?

“Uh… No, just -”

“Banner was bitching about your absence,” Rosalie cut in.

“Fuck Banner,” Edward mumbled, then he laid his head back down.

Jasper bounded down the stairs with a throw blanket over his shoulder.

He gave a quick nod of his head to get the shaggy hair from his eyes, then grabbed my wrist,

pulled me up, sat down and pulled me on his lap… All without a word.

Jasper pulled the blanket up over us, and Emmett hit play on the remote.

EPOV

Jasper wouldn‟t cheat.

Jasper better not fucking cheat.

BPOV

I laid my head on Jasper‟s shoulder, and his chin rested on mine. His breathing tickled my ear, and

every so often he‟d laugh very quietly and low, making me shiver and squirm.

The third time that happened, his hands grabbed onto my hips, holding me still.

I froze.

“Shit,” he sighed under his breath.

My eyes fell onto Edward, who was staring blankly at the TV. His hair looked black in the dim room,
and it was loosely curling up in the back. I wanted to touch it. He absently rubbed the corner of his

scruffy jaw, then went still again.

I felt Jasper‟s dick go hard underneath me… and I kept staring at Edward.

I rocked my hips slightly.

Jasper let out a kind of sigh mixed with a laugh, but this time it wasn‟t at the movie.

He half turned his head, and his parted lips lightly touched my neck.

I stared at Edward.

“I want you… I want to feel you, Bella…” Jasper breathed, and I gasped.

Had my words in the bathroom earlier affected Rosalie?

Did she tell them it was okay?

Jasper‟s hand left my hip, and his fingertips grazed over my nipples through my shirt and then

back again.

An instinctive exhale escaped my throat, and Jasper smiled into my neck.

“Does that feel good, Bella?” he whispered in a raspy, low hiss.

I bit my lip and pressed harder into him.

His hand slid down my stomach, and he slid it under my shirt, then wasted no time working his

fingers up under my bra.

“Holy shit,” he sighed, when his palm grasped my breast. His hand squeezed down, and my body
reacted - my hips gyrated into him. My eyes locked on Edward, who suddenly snapped his head in

my direction.

That familiar, beautiful, lazy grin spread across his face, and then I felt Jasper‟s other hand slide
between my legs. He used two fingers to rub me over the seam of my jeans, and his other hand

kneaded my breast, making my breathing harder and my heart race.

Edward cocked his head to the side and looked curiously at me.

He had to know… He had to be aware of what was going on, yet his smile didn‟t fade.

Maybe he changed his mind.

Maybe he wanted me in after all.

EPOV

Rosalie‟s hand was in my pants.

Motherfucker.

There‟s nothing worse than a dry handjob… but I didn‟t stop her.

The last thing I needed was to turn her down now. If she was gonna let another chick in the group,

she needed to feel like she was still important… still the most wanted.

And I had other damage control to do too.

If Bella would ever want in this shit, I sure as hell better get on her good side again.

I looked up.

Fuck me.

She was staring at me.

And then, without even thinking about it, I was smiling.

Rosalie started stroking faster, and I kept looking at Bella… It was as good as lube.

My eyes were locked with hers, and I couldn‟t fucking look away… And she was breathing hard, and

I wanted to kiss her. I wanted that taste and that puffy mouth…

“Come for me, Edward,” Rosalie whispered in my ear, and I knew I would probably come… but not

for her.

Bella kind of smiled at me, but she looked… sad.

My head cocked to the side, and I wanted Rosalie‟s hands off of me. And then I noticed Jasper…

His damn lips were on Bella‟s neck, and…Hell.

The fucking blanket was moving around, and my fists clenched when I thought of what he was

touching.

I grabbed Rosalie‟s arm.

Wait.

I want her in.

This is what I fucking want.

Why the fuck do I want this?

I don‟t want this.

Suddenly, Alice‟s words from sophomore year screamed in my head.

I felt like a whore.

I felt like a whore.

I felt like a whore.

And then I was just fucked and wrecked.

I loved her, possibly even more than myself, because in that moment, I realized I would rather

none of us touch her than all of us, myself included.

I‟d keep my fucking hands off of her, if it meant Jasper and Emmett would too.

It was a double standard, but fuck it, I couldn‟t help it.

“What the fuck are you doing, Whitlock?”

Everyone looked at me, and under the blanket, Rosalie‟s hand slipped out of my pants.

“I… I want to be in,” Bella said, her face burning red.

I swear to God, I thought I‟d wanted her to say those words - I wanted them so bad - but it turned
out they only pissed me off.

“No way in Hell,” I said, standing up.

Bella stood up from Jasper‟s lap, and he shot me a death-to-cockblocker look.

I ignored Bella.

“That‟s cheating.” I shrugged at Jasper.

“Above the clothes, bitch. And she wants in.”

“I don‟t want her in.”

“Me either,” Rosalie said.

“Bella,” Alice ventured. “You really -”

“I want her in,” Emmett said.

“Wasn‟t once enough for you?” Rose spat at him.

What. The. Fuck?

“What the Hell are you talking about?” I asked Rosalie.

“Seems Bella has been working every angle,” Rosalie sniffed.

“Nothing happened, dude.” Emmett shrugged. “It never got that far.”

“Fuck you all,” I said and walked out the door.

She went to Emmett?

To Jasper?

Bella flew out of the door behind me.

“What is your problem?” she yelled.

“Get in the car,” I said and then I was shocked when she actually got her ass in the car.

“I fit! Can‟t you see that? I belong with you guys -”

“No, you don‟t,” I fumed, peeling out of the driveway.

“Where are you taking me?”

“To your house, where you belong. I want you to stay the Hell away from me and I want you to

stay the Hell away from my friends.”

“They‟re my friends too, and I won‟t just - Why are you turning on me like this? We were friends.”

I just kept driving.

At her house, she didn‟t get out of the car.

“Come get your shit -”

“Keep it,” I snapped.

“I don‟t want it,” she said and got out of the car.

And because I‟m an asshole, I followed her into the house and up the stairs.

She went to her room and yanked open a drawer and started throwing my clothes at me. They

landed in a pile at my feet.

“Why am I not good enough for you and your little fucking group?” she shouted out of fucking
nowhere.

“Just… shut up, Bella. Just shut up.”

She lunged forward at me and grabbed my collar.

“I want it. I can do this for you too…” she said, and then her lips were on my neck.

I jerked back, disgusted.

I didn‟t like the way she talked about herself like that.

“You don‟t know what you‟re talking about!” I yelled at her.

“I do! God, I need this. I fucking want this…”

I grabbed the waistband of her jeans with one hand and yanked sharply, so she was crushed into

me.

She looked up at me, wide-eyed, shocked, which is exactly what I wanted.

“Stop it,” I growled.

Then her hands reached up, and she pulled my face down to hers… and I let her.

Her tongue pushed into my mouth, and I pushed back into her, and that taste and that damn

feeling mixed with my anger and turned… explosive.

I pulled my mouth away from hers quickly, and she came back at me and fucking bit my lip. That

shit hurt and pissed me off even more than I couldn‟t stay away.

My knees bent slightly, and I sucked and bit too hard down her neck, and her hands pulled at my
hair, while she whined and twisted into me… And then she pulled up at my collar, urging me

upright.

She wanted me to stop.

Good.

I hoped I scared her.

Fuck, I didn‟t want to stop.

And… apparently, neither did she.

Bella pulled me to the bed, and then she lay down.

My cock raged and pulsed, and I stood over her, staring.

If I did this… they‟d all do this.

“Is this what you want?” I asked through clenched teeth.

Tell me to get the fuck out.

She sat up and took her shirt off, and it was the sexiest, most erotic thing I‟ve ever seen… and I‟ve

seen a lot.

“You don‟t want this,” I said, closing my eyes, and when I opened them, her bra was off.

Then I knew I was going to fuck her; it wasn‟t a question anymore.

I unbuckled my belt, and her hands were fucking all over me, pulling and grabbing at me.

She knelt on the bed, yanked up at my shirt and sucked on the skin just above the button of my

jeans.

Holy shit.

Her hot, little mouth was licking and working from hipbone to hipbone. It was too good, too much.

My hand went into the back of her hair, and I was so mad at her and so in love with her, I pulled

back and yanked on her hair, so she‟d look up at me.

She looked up with glazed eyes.

“How the fuck can you want this?” I asked.

She took my hand and put it on her bare tit.

Fucking good.

Better.

Better than them.

I bent my head and licked her lips, while my hands squeezed and pinched and did everything I‟ve

ever thought about doing to her.

She fell back, I went with her, and her hands pulled the back of my shirt up and over my head.

She started pulling on the sleeves, and I sat up and got rid of my shirt, while she unbuttoned her

jeans.

I tugged on them and I was selfish enough to be satisfied that I‟d be the first one to see her.

I scooted down and licked at her stomach, while I pulled her pants off.

She tasted warm and soft and better than ice cream or whiskey or Alice or weed or Rosalie -

fucking better than anything.

I sat up and stared at her light blue underwear. Her hips were moving around, grinding into the
bed, looking for something to rub on.

I got rid of my own pants with one hand, so I could keep touching her with the other.

I ditched my jeans and boxers, and crawled back over her and held myself up, then let my head

duck down, so I could bite and suck at her full tits.

Bella‟s sighs turned into moans, and another wave of anger hit my stomach when I thought of

another motherfucker hearing those noises.

She raised her hips, and I pushed her back down with mine.

My dick pressed into her underwear, and I could feel how fucking wet she was through them.

She was ready.

And Hell, I‟ve been ready.

I made fists around the sides of her underwear and yanked down, then pulled my mouth from her
nipple, so I could get them all the way off.

I had to look.

Her pussy was… better.

Best.

Everything about her was better than all of us.

I slid a hand in between us and grabbed my dick, and her face buried into my shoulder.

“Please… don‟t want this,” I said, pushing at her slippery slit.

Her legs squeezed around my waist, and her hot breath was still panting into my shoulder.

“I do. Do it. Fuck me,” she whispered.

And I hated all of us just then.

I hated them for wanting her and I hated them for what they were going to do to her.

It built and boiled in me.

Much too hard, I thrust inside with a frustrated growl, and she gave a short, pained shriek into my

skin.

It didn‟t sound like it should, like I was used to.

Her nails were stuck into my shoulder blades, not moving. They were frozen… in pain?

I rocked forward, and she was so hot and tight - too tight.

“I only wanted you,” she whispered, and I froze.

I felt her take a shaky inhale underneath me and even though I thought it might fucking kill me, I

pulled out.

My hands went to the mattress on either side of her head, and I raised myself up to look at her,
making her break her hold on me.

There was a fucking tear rolling down her temple.

“I only wanted you,” she whispered again. Her lips were swollen and trembling.

I sat up to my knees and looked down.

There was a drop of blood, perfectly red and round and small, on the white sheets between her

legs.

“No, Bella. No…”

Chapter 11.

BPOV

“It‟s okay. I‟m okay,” I lied, reaching my arms for him.

It hurt like Hell.

Edward jerked back and pushed himself off the bed.

I grabbed the sheets and gathered them around me, then sat up.

He was pulling his pants up, not bothering with his boxers.

“You can‟t just do that,” he said, zipping his pants. “You gotta tell somebody before -”

“Does it matter?” I asked.

“Well, Hell, yes, it matters!” he shouted, exasperated.

He put his t-shirt on without buckling his belt or fastening the button on his pants.

“Why? This is what you do,” I said, ready to die if he left me now.

“This isn‟t what you do. God -”

“There‟s a first time for everything,” I said, my voice shaking and my chin quivering.

He made a kind of low, disgusted noise.

I was going to cry.

The heels of his palms pressed into his eyes.

“Look… are you okay?”

“I‟m fine.”

He nodded slightly without looking at me.

I eased off of the bed to go to the bathroom. To do what, I wasn‟t sure - cry, scream… It just

seemed like the right thing to do.

He just stood there, his jaw locked and his eyes on the empty bed.

I passed him, willing him to grab me, but I made it to the bedroom door.

“I should go,” he said.

My teeth gritted, and the hand holding the sheet up started to shake.

My back was to him, and it was quiet for a few seconds.

“Don‟t, um… Please don‟t go to Emmett or Jasper. Please. I know I have no right at all to ask you

that -”

“No. You don‟t. I‟m in now,” I said and I was disgusted with myself.

A cloud of dread and shame hung over me. God, they were going to expect me to - I couldn‟t even

think of it.

“No, you‟re not,” he said.

“You… you can‟t just – Oh, my God! You were just gonna do… what? Get a little side action and -”

“Shut up.”

I grabbed the closest thing to me - a framed picture of me and Renee on my dresser - and turned

around and whipped it at him.

I missed, but it did shatter satisfyingly on the wall behind him.

“What the Hell are you doing?” he yelled.

I grabbed my History text book and chucked it at him.

It landed with a thud at his feet.

“Knock it off!” he yelled, kicking the book.

I reached for my jewelry box.

“Stop it!” he thundered, making me jump. His voice was low and loud, his eyes were dark, and his

expression was… frightening.

“You used me!” I screamed out over the lump in my throat.

“Whatever, Bella… You wanted in, remember? That‟s what this is all about - using. Don‟t you get
that? That‟s what you‟re asking for… You‟re asking for Emmett and Jasper to do the same thing. So
fucking stop it. Run. Get out of this.”

Then my knees buckled, and I was on the floor, and the sobs I had saved for the bathroom choked
out.

“Didn‟t you hear me?” I sobbed. “It was for you.”

I let my face bury into my knees and waited for him to leave, then startled, when I felt his hand

wrap tightly around my arm.

He yanked me up to my feet, then took his hand off of me.

I stood there, shaking, crying and humiliated.

“Say it again,” he said.

“It was for you,” I whispered.

“Look at me,” he said, his palm smacking his chest. “Do you know what I am? You don‟t want this.
You can‟t possibly want this,” he stormed, his hand now a fist on his chest.

And then I heard something in his voice I hadn‟t expected.

Hope.

He wanted me to love him.

Which could only mean one thing… He wanted me.

“I don‟t want them. I want you,” I said.

His eyes squeezed shut.

“Why?” he demanded.

“Because… because of everything you are. I don‟t… Before I found out about all of this, I‟d fallen
for you… Because of you - how you are at night when we‟d just be here and not even touch at all.
My feelings for you don‟t come from… the physical stuff. I want the physical stuff because of the

other stuff. Because I lo-”

“Don‟t. Don‟t say that to me.”

“Why?” I pressed, getting angry again.

“If I hear that… I mean, you can‟t just say something like that and take it back… And you would
want to. You‟d think about - Look… my situation is… Sex has never been a big deal to me, probably
because of who I was having it with. And I was having it. A lot. Shit, it‟s just like hanging out. Your
old friends probably go to the mall or whatever. Me and my friends have sex. And it was never… a
big deal… And now, when I think of them touching you, it just isn‟t right. You‟re different than that,

and I‟m… not.”

“I know I‟m no Rosalie Hale or Alice Brandon…”

“Don‟t be stupid. That‟s not what I‟m saying. I could fuck you silly six ways from Sunday, Bella,
because that‟s what I know how to do, but that‟s all I know how to do, and you need more than

that. You‟re better than that.”

“No. You know how to make me laugh. And you know how to make me feel safe and good -”

“Yeah, I just did a great job with that.”

“I wasn‟t talking about that kind of good. I meant -”

“See? Right there. I‟m so fucked up, I can‟t even -”

“So, what? You‟re never going to end this thing with them? I mean, what the Hell did you think was

going to happen -”

“Bella, I didn‟t even know I was this fucked up until you showed up here, okay? That day I kissed
you at Emmett‟s… I did it because I wanted it. Because I thought I could. Because I‟ve never had
boundaries with girls. The only girls I ever hung around with, I could touch whenever I wanted to.
And you‟re right. I never really thought about how this would end, or who it could effect. I was a
fifteen year old kid for fuck‟s sake. I wasn‟t exactly thinking in terms of „when I grow up and fall in

love‟. It felt good, I did it and I kept doing it, because it was working for us.

“I don‟t know anything else. I‟ve never taken a chick on a date, I‟ve never been to fucking prom,
I‟ve never walked a girl up to her porch, or met an irate father, or had a fight… or made up, or

even had to work hard at getting laid.”

I stood there staring at him.

Did he just say he fell in love with me?

“I hate that you were fifteen and stupid. I hate that you‟re eighteen and stupid. I hate that I have
no respect for you, and my stomach twists every time I think of you being in that… pact, and I hate
that my feelings for you almost turned me into someone I could never live with being… But, Hell,

Edward, I‟m in love with you anyway.”

He raised an eyebrow at me.

“You might be more stupid than me,” he said.

“I know.”

I stood there, clinging to the sheet and completely confused and completely in love with the wrong

person.

Edward sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

I felt a tiny trickled start to run down my leg.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” I mumbled.

He nodded, and I walked out.

When I came back to the bedroom, he was gone, so I did the only thing I could do.

I cried.

EPOV

I had to get the Hell out of there.

She should have told me.

Fuck, why didn‟t she just tell me?

Not that it would‟ve made a difference anyway. Not that it would‟ve stopped me… but, God, I just

tore into her.

What the Hell kind of person does that?

In my car, I punched the dashboard until I was bleeding too.

It only seemed fair.

I was wrecked and now I wrecked her too.

Blood for blood, I suppose.

The one thing I knew I was good at, the one thing I had to offer her was sex, and it turned out I

couldn‟t even give her that without causing pain.

How did I not see that, in the past three years, I was ruining myself?

I had it all ass backwards. I thought I was on top of the world; it turns out the son of a bitch was

burying me.

For three years I thought I was ahead of the game. I thought I was so above people like Crowley
and Newton… but really, they had it all on me. They wouldn‟t have hurt her like that. They wouldn‟t

have to be fucking humiliated in front of her and ashamed of shit they‟ve done.

But they didn‟t have her. I did.

She loved me, and I didn‟t even know how to love her back, not even physically.

But I wouldn‟t let go now. Screw it, I wanted her and I always got what I wanted.

I‟d never be good enough for Bella. I just wouldn‟t.

Fortunately for me, I‟m selfish enough to make her mine anyway.

And that meant I‟d be hers.

What shocked the Hell out of me was the fact that I liked that.

So I‟d try to be with her, even if I fucked both of us up. Even if it crashed and burned, I had to try.

Before I could even make myself comprehend what that meant, or how I could try to be good

enough, I was at Emmett‟s house.

I didn‟t know much about chicks and relationships, but I knew enough to know that you don‟t go

into one, while you‟re banging other chicks.

Not if you wanted to do it right, and I wanted to be right for Bella.

I walked in the door, and they were all there.

Us.

Them.

Me.

How would there ever be any distinction?

I stared at them for a second.

I loved them.

I did.

I grew and learned and taught with them.

I shared every day for the past three years with them, laughing and yelling and touching and

talking… This was my whole damn world.

I loved them.

But not like I loved Bella.

It occurred to me, while I stood there, that I never had any notion of what I would actually say

when the two worlds collided.

I mean, I never planned on doing this pact when I was… like, forty-five years old, but I‟d just been
so deluded and stupid, I never thought of a point when it would actually end… And I never

expected it to hurt like Hell, but it did.

“Told you he‟d be back,” Rosalie said smugly.

Her head was on Emmett‟s lap, and he was toying with the ends of her hair - something I‟d done
countless times myself - and I inwardly rejoiced in triumph when I realized it didn‟t bother me that

he was touching Rosalie like that, but if it would‟ve been Bella there, I would‟ve killed him.

I was doing the right thing.

“Dude, what the Hell was that all about?” Jasper asked from the recliner.

“Look, Jasper, I didn‟t mean to freak out on you,” I sighed and swatted at the back of his head.

He didn‟t know I loved Bella.

He was just doing what we did.

Still, I had to stop thinking about it, before I broke his tit grabbing hands.

“Well, you were gone for a while, and I‟d recognize the Cullen sex hair from anywhere. Is she in?”
Emmett asked.

Alice‟s head snapped up, and she glared at me in alarm.

“You didn‟t,” she said. “You didn‟t! She was a vir-”

“Yeah, that information would‟ve been great an hour ago, Alice,” I snapped.

“You weren‟t supposed to touch her, Edward! God…” Rosalie stood up and yelled.

“Shut up. Okay? Just… be quiet.”

“Dude. You popped that -” Emmett started.

“Don‟t. Don‟t talk about her like that.”

Again, I couldn‟t blame them.

A few months ago, I would‟ve acted the same way.

Sex.

Simple as holding hands.

Right.

“Holy shit,” Jasper said, smiling in disbelief. “You want her. For real want her.”

“Look -”

“Are you breaking up with us?” Emmett laughed.

“It‟s not you, it‟s me?” I offered, half grinning back.

This wouldn‟t really affect Emmett and Jasper.

I could go on being their friend, couldn‟t I?

And they‟d all go on with this without me just fine.

“You can‟t be serious,” Rosalie said.

“I am.” I shrugged and braced myself for the bitch fit I knew was coming.

“How could you? This is us. Us! You‟re a fucking traitor!”

“This couldn‟t last forever, Rose. You always knew that.”

“Do you really think this thing you have with her will last? You‟re being an idiot, Edward. Miss

Goody Two Shoes will never be able to get past who you are. One of us.”

I flinched.

She was probably right.

“Shut up, Rosalie.”

“What are you gonna do? Go be her boyfriend? That‟s a fucking joke!”

“I think you‟re worried about yourself! I think you‟re jealous, and not of Bella. I think you‟re
jealous of me -”

“Yeah, that‟s it. I want Bella all for myself,” Rosalie said flatly.

And then it was so obvious, I couldn‟t believe I ever missed it.

We were all scared, we were all the same and fucked.

I wondered if I was the last one to figure this shit out.

“No, but you‟re worried that you can’t be in a normal relationship. You‟re worried you‟re ruined,

just like I am, and you‟re worried no one will ever understand -”

“Jesus. Since when are you a Hallmark card? Here‟s some inside information, Edward. Out of the
three of you, you‟re the coldest. You are the most unemotional. When I‟m with you, it‟s like fucking
a robot. You‟re so messed up, you can‟t even look me in the eye when you‟re on top of me! Do you
really think Bella is going to live with that? She won‟t. She won‟t want some kind of sexually

dysfunctional, emotionally devoid -”

“Maybe it‟s just you.” I shrugged, trying to hide my shock. I never thought she picked up on that.

“Please. You‟re being ridiculous. Come back when this blows up in your pretty face, Edward. Maybe

there will still be a place for you.”

“It could. Hell, it probably will. But I won‟t be back. I‟m not fifteen anymore.”

And I knew that was true.

Even if Bella couldn‟t be with me, I could never go back.

“Leave!” Rosalie spat.

“I love you, Rosalie. I do, but this is over for me.”

“A new piece of ass comes to school, and you just drop us. God, you are just -”

“It isn‟t like that.”

“Get out.”

“Rose…” Emmett started.

“Don‟t. If he‟s not in, he‟s out.”

I sighed and turned to go. I couldn‟t talk to her until she calmed the Hell down. I knew her so well,
I knew she was hurt. I wouldn‟t let it go at this. I wouldn‟t just leave us like this; I hated hurting
her.

Jasper raised his fist to me as I passed and I knocked it with my own.

“I think you‟re a fucking idiot for giving this up, but I don‟t blame you,” he said, raising his

eyebrows and gesturing to his chest.

I smacked the side of his head and walked out, Jasper‟s laugh following me.

I just opened my car door, when Alice came out, calling me.

Not her too.

I groaned and slammed the door shut again, then leaned against it.

Alice came and stood next to me.

“Wow,” she said.

“It was over for us anyway, Alice, so don‟t -”

“I‟m not gonna go all Rose on you,” she grinned and poked my ribs.

“I just wanted to tell you that… I‟m really happy for you. I mean, you found it. Without even

looking. And she‟s amazing.”

“I have no idea what I‟m doing,” I said.

“I know,” Alice sighed. “But Hell, Edward, who does?”

“Alice?”

“What?”

“Sophomore year, when you thought you were…”

“Yeah… what about it?”

“If it would‟ve been mine, I would‟ve been there.”

“I know.”

“You said you felt like a whore.”

Alice‟s eyes closed.

“I did,” she whispered.

“I‟m sorry. If I ever made you feel like that, or if I ever did -”

“I made my own decisions, Edward… And I never felt disrespected by any of you, but… I don‟t
know. I mean, I can‟t say that I respect myself, and that‟s… God, when this started, it seemed
right. Like it made sense. But for a long time now, I just… I guess I can‟t remember why I thought
it made sense. But I kept doing it, because… it was familiar, I guess? Because I fit and I thought I
did love them, and they love me. Maybe not in the conventional way, but still. Anyway, now it‟s
just all so confusing. I mean, all of those things I was trying to avoid, those are the things that I
miss,” she said, and her voice cracked on the last word.

I pulled her into me, and she cried.

I rested my chin on her head, while she shook and sobbed and wiped snot all over me. And I hated

that I had any part of making her feel this fucked up - as fucked up as me.

“But… I‟m happy this is happening for you… be-because you d-deserve it… and maybe… maybe

that means it‟ll happen for me too,” she cried into my shirt.

“It will,” I said, lifting her chin.

I kissed her lips lightly for what would be the last time.

Alice grabbed my hand from her face.

“What happened?” she asked, looking at my knuckles.

The blood had crusted and dried… It looked almost black.

“I hit my car.”

“Really? Why?” Alice asked, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

“I don‟t know… I hurt her.”

“You couldn‟t have known when you were in this with us that she could get hurt. God, you didn‟t

even know she existed.”

“Well, that sucks too, but I meant that I hurt her… like, physically.”

“What?”

“I was angry! I thought she - I fucked her hard…”

Alice‟s hand clapped over her mouth.

“Is she okay?” she asked, her voice muffled.

“No.”

“You just… left her there?” Alice asked, and the look on her face was getting me pissed.

“I was just so fucking angry… And, God, I was pissed at her too. She should‟ve told me.”

“Don‟t be an asshole, Edward. What did you say to her, before you left?”

“Nothing, I just… did.”

“Oh, boy. Look, I know that we‟re… We have a different outlook on sex than most people, but

leaving like that can‟t be the right thing to do.”

“I know that, Alice.”

“Well, you have to go back!”

“God, I am! Back off.”

“No! I like her! You hurt her and then you just -”

“Jesus, Alice, enough… Look, I don‟t know what to say to her. I think she might hate me. Fuck, I

think I might hate me.”

“I can‟t help you with what to say. I lost my virginity to Jasper. After, I told him it hurt, and he told

me to suck it up, then we played Halo. Somehow, I don‟t think that‟s right.”

“We are so messed up,” I sighed.

“Don‟t mess her up too. Go. Make it right.”

“Do you think Rose was right? Do you think she‟ll be able to… deal with it?”

“I think… that if anyone could, it would be Bella.”

“I hope you‟re right.”

“Me too.”

“I‟m really gonna miss you, Alice.”

“Me too. You know, not even the sex… I‟m just gonna miss… you.”

“Thanks,” I laughed. “A robot, huh?”

“No… Yes. I don‟t know… You just never really… made love, I guess.”

“I‟m sorry,” I said.

“Don‟t be. Besides, like I said, that‟s not what I‟m gonna miss. Just you.”

“We‟ll still be friends, Alice. The only thing that will change is -”

“No. That‟s… impossible, Edward. You know that. And I won‟t do that to Bella.”

“I think she‟ll want to be your friend.”

“Maybe. But… it‟ll never happen. Look, this is just the first of many consequences, I think, we‟ll
have to pay. I mean, you can‟t just… play with fire the way we did, and not get burned. We
justified it as caution, but really… Come on, it was the exact opposite.”

“I love you, Alice.”

“I love you too. Now go. I‟ve cried enough today,” she said, her tears welling up again.

I hugged her again and left, but even then, I knew that wouldn‟t be our good bye.

Chapter 12.

EPOV

Charlie‟s car was in the driveway.

Fucking perfect.

Whatever.

I couldn‟t just leave her up there like that, but I couldn‟t exactly knock on the door and explain to
daddy I needed to see Bella. If she told him she didn‟t want to see me, I couldn‟t really explain to
him that I just brutally took her virginity and I had to leave to go break up with four other people,
so it was really important to talk to her now and explain why I snuck out on her bleeding and

crying.

That might not go over so well with the Chief.

I got out of my car and assessed the situation.

There was a tree.

Her window was open.

Beautiful.

I jumped up and reached the first limb. Fuck, I hadn‟t climbed a tree in years. I swung my legs up

and cursed my red Converse’ for having no traction left.

Didn‟t matter. It turned out I could still climb a tree.

I held onto the branch and swung my legs through the window and lowered myself in slowly, so the

Chief wouldn‟t hear me sneaking into his daughter‟s bedroom.

I brushed off my shirt and grinned proudly. That was easy.

Too easy.

She shouldn‟t keep her window open like that.

Bella was sleeping, curled up in a tiny, little ball at the very edge of her bed, far away from our

spot. Her hair was kind of wet - she‟d showered.

She‟d washed me away.

I couldn‟t blame her.

I didn‟t want to wake her up. I had no idea what to say.

She just looked so breakable and beautiful, and I had no right to just lay my shitty baggage on

her.

But I would, because the longer I looked at her laying there in a little tank top and pink underwear,

the more I knew I‟d never really walk away… even if she hurt.

I‟d just have to fix it.

My eyes fell on the blood stain on the bed, and I quickly looked away, wincing that I knew I made
that.

I told myself that next time, I‟d do it right. Whatever the Hell that meant.

Bella sighed and kind of shifted, and I took a step back.

Don‟t wake up yet, baby.

I still had to look and think of how to fix this.

I knelt down near the side of the bed, so I could see her closer, and her hand was kind of tucked

underneath her chest, but I could see her fist wrapped around my drawers.

She was sleeping with my fucking boxers.

I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

And then I wanted her to wake up.

I wanted her to open her eyes and tell me she loved me again, so this time I could smile and say it

back.

I wanted to kiss her and make her all red.

I wanted her to tell me that Bronte was genius, even though that shit wasn‟t true, and I wanted to
put my hands all over those pink underwear and I wanted to go slow, but I wanted to go too fast

and too far and too hard.

I wanted her to swear to God that my past didn‟t matter, and I wanted to take her to my house to

meet Esme.

I wanted to know what she looked like when she came and when she watched a sad movie, and I

wanted to drive her the fuck out of Forks with me…

I wanted those things and one day, I would have them. I‟d make damn sure of that.

But I had to start by waking her up.

I ran a finger down the arch of her foot.

It twitched, so I did it again.

“Bella,” I whispered.

She rolled to her back, and the tank top rode up.

Gah.

Fucking open your eyes.

“Bella, wake up,” I said, my palm hovering over her bare stomach.

Then I couldn‟t help it.

I had to touch; I was used to just touching when I wanted.

I let my fingertips graze her skin.

Warm.

Soft.

Better.

Then her hand shot out and grabbed mine.

“What the Hell -” she started to yell and she sounded fucking wild and afraid.

I put my hand over her mouth.

“It‟s me, shhhh.”

Her eyes were red and puffy, and she looked like Hell.

Beautiful Hell.

And after I processed that, it occurred to me that she‟d been sitting here, crying.

A lot.

I flinched at the thought.

She grabbed my hand from her mouth.

“Get out,” she said and she didn‟t do a damn thing to lower her voice.

Some fucking help would‟ve been nice.

“Quiet! You‟re gonna get me shot by daddy,” I hissed.

“Good,” she said.

“Stop it. I‟m serious,” I said.

“Me too. Get out.”

She was starting to frustrate me.

“Shut up. I‟m trying to talk to you.”

“That would‟ve been nice two hours ago. Too late. Leave.”

“No.”

She sat up and stared down at me.

Her eyes kind of narrowed, and her mouth turned up at one corner, but I‟ll be damned if she

looked like she was smiling.

“You know, you‟re an -”

“Asshole. I know that, but -”

Then she slapped me, and not even across the cheek, like a normal chick would.

She slapped my mouth.

Who the fuck slaps someone in the mouth?

God, I love her.

I grabbed her hand and let my tongue run across my lip where it hit my tooth.

It wasn‟t bleeding.

“Will you quit fucking around?” I asked, exasperated.

“Will you?” she spat back.

“Scoot over,” I said, pushing her shoulder.

Let me be by you.

Please.

“Are you out of your damn mind?” she whispered.

“Probably, but I‟m not leaving and I‟m fucking tired, so move over.”

“I don‟t want you here.”

This gave me pause, but then I realized what a shitty liar she was.

“You‟re sleeping with my shorts. You want me here,” I said.

Her face got all flushed, and she tossed the shorts, but she scooted over.

I kicked my shoes off and climbed in, and the smell of her bed just brought everything back to me.

What I did to her.

It hurt like Hell to think that I did that to her, but I couldn‟t push it away, because that fucking

stain was there - just right out there - making me sick and angry.

I leaned forward and put my hand over it, hoping to shut it up.

“Bella… I didn‟t know. I didn‟t know that you never -”

“Of course you didn‟t. I never told you.”

“Why? I mean -”

“You wouldn‟t have done it. And… I wanted you. I thought that if I was going to be… in, I at least

wanted you to be… my first. I wanted you to be the one who - God, that‟s sick. I‟m pathetic.”

“No,” I said, suddenly relieved that it was me… that things didn‟t go differently, like they so easily

could‟ve.

“I‟m… Well, I‟m glad it was me. I just want you to know that I wouldn‟t have been like that if I
would‟ve known you never had sex… And Bella? You give me too much credit. I still would‟ve done

it. Just differently.”

“Why‟d you go?” she asked, abrupt and angry. “You shouldn‟t have left me like that! It hurt, and I

was alone and - Why did you do that?”

My eyes closed, and I took my hand from the stain.

Then I opened my eyes and looked at it.

It screamed at me, but I couldn‟t stop looking.

“I had to see them,” I said, and my voice was all gritty and low.

It was quiet, and I just kept staring at that blood and then I felt her shaking next to me.

“Jesus… are you crying?”

Dammit.

I was already failing at this.

“Did… did… you g-go to Rosalie… or -”

“What? No. Hell, no,” I said and I was kind of surprised she thought that. But I guess I shouldn‟t

have been. I had gone to Rosalie to finish what Bella had started before.

“I went to… get out. To tell them that I‟m done.”

Her breathing kind of stopped for a while, and I thought I was going to have to smack her on the

back or something.

“Why… why did you do that?” she asked, and her cheeks were all wet, and I needed to touch her,

so I leaned in until our shoulders were touching.

Much better.

“I did it, because… God, I did it, because I figured out how much it wrecked me, and how much I
was wrecking them, and because of what it could possibly do to you. And shit, Bella, I did it

because I love you.”

“Edward -”

“Look… I mean, you gotta realize that I have no idea what I‟m doing. It‟s possible… Well, no, it‟s
likely that I‟m gonna fuck up a lot. And not with other chicks or anything like that - I only want
you. But just like earlier? When I left?

“See, I don‟t know the rules of sex and girlfriends and shit. And it‟s not because I have no
experience with it, it‟s because for three years, I‟ve been playing by a different set of rules. But… I

just… I just want to be yours and I want you to be mine… And how hard can that be?”

“Edward…”

“If you can‟t get past the things I did - Wait. I was going to say I understand that, but I‟m not
going to say that, because… Well, I don‟t really plan on letting you go. You said you loved me

before, and I kind of have to believe that that‟s still true. No matter what I did.”

“I do,” she said. “I do love you and I don‟t exactly know what I‟m doing either, so… I guess we‟ll
figure it out. Together.”

And then my chest felt like it was going to blow up.

Yes.

Finally.

And there would be shit to deal with, and I knew I hadn‟t escaped my past - it‟d be back and it

would fuck with me and Bella - but right now, we had this, and it was perfect.

“So,” she sighed. “Does this mean if I kiss you, you won‟t run away? You kind of have a habit of

running out on me whenever I put the moves on you,” she said, kind of smiling down at her hands.

“If you touch me, I might never leave. I can stay. I‟m free?”

Holy shit.

No one else to answer to… Just Bella.

“No. You‟re not free. You‟re mine,” she said.

Fuck. Me.

Yes.

Yours.

Her head slowly turned toward mine, and I turned into her.

I couldn‟t stop the ridiculous, half ass smile I felt on my face.

“You know, you‟re really very… beautiful,” she said and she was so close I could taste her already.

I rolled my eyes at her comment and let my lips touch hers softly. I was worried about hurting her

and I wasn‟t exactly used to taking it easy.

She opened her mouth a little, and her tongue went inside, and - Screw it. I put my hands on her

face and kissed her.

Good.

Without confusion or guilt or lying - I just kissed her.

I kissed her like I loved her, like I‟ve never kissed anyone else ever before.

She scooted down, but put her hands on my collar, pulling me down with her.

My dick was aching to go, but I couldn‟t just do that.

I mean, that couldn‟t be right, could it?

No.

She shifted over, and my body was between her bare legs, and I pressed into those pink

underwear, the whole time tasting her.

Her lips, her tongue, her neck and her dried tears… And her hands were everywhere, pulling and
scratching, and this was love.

Intense, urgent and strong and mad.

Love.

Why the fuck was I avoiding this for three years?

It was better.

I didn‟t want to just get off… I wanted her.

All of her - her words and her laugh and her yelling.

I‟d said I wanted Alice or Rose a thousand times, but I never really wanted them… Not all of them…

Not like this.

That difference I hadn‟t even known existed was now black and white.

Wet and dry.

And because I wanted her, I had to see for myself she was okay.

I pulled away and jerked my head when her hands still held my jaw.

I scooted down her body and pulled her underwear down to her knees.

I sat up, and she was laying completely still, except for her hard breaths.

Her eyes were closed, and she was biting her lip… And I thought she looked scared.

Of pain.

Of me.

I hated that.

“Do you regret it?” I asked, not really wanting an answer.

“No,” she whispered.

Then I looked… and she looked the same.

Perfect and unharmed.

“I‟m really sorry,” I whispered and then I leaned over and softly kissed the very part of her I hurt

physically.

I wished I could do the same to all of the other parts I hurt - the parts I couldn‟t see - but that

forgiveness would have to come with time.

I pulled back up, and to my shock, her hips raised up.

“Don‟t… don‟t stop,” she said.

“Bella, I - You‟re hurt. I don‟t want to -”

“Aren‟t you supposed to want this?” she kind of laughed.

“You have no idea,” I said, flopping back up on the pillows next to her.

“Well, then -”

“Well, I‟m learning here, okay? Just because I want it, doesn‟t mean it‟s… I don‟t want to hurt

you.”

“You won‟t,” she said. Then she grabbed my hand and she placed it on her pussy.

Just like that.

And then I couldn‟t stop, because I wanted her to feel good again. I wanted to replace the last

feeling I gave her with a good one and Hell, I could definitely do that.

Her mouth found mine first - fuck, I‟d never get used to how that felt - and then her legs spread,

and she was wet all over my fingers.

Better.

Her clit was already swollen and slippery, and then she turned to her side to face me, and her leg

hitched over my hip.

I kept feeling her and touching her, and soon, she started to make these delicate, soft, little noises,

and I smiled into her mouth, because it was working.

She felt good, and those noises were better than Foo Fighters live or the sound of the Volvo

accelerating - those noises were gold.

Her hips started wiggling all over, and I had to practically follow her around with my hand, because

she was rocking so hard and moving so quick.

Bella‟s head suddenly pulled away from mine, and her eyes were wide, and her mouth was open.

I smiled and kept going.

“Edward… I… Shit… I never… I‟ve never… I think I might…” And then her eyes shut, and she did.

All for me.

Chapter 13.

BPOV

I woke up, smiling like a fool.

He loved me.

Only me.

Edward had left sometime in the middle of the night, after I was sleeping.

I should‟ve been exhausted, but I wasn‟t. I had this adrenaline running through me and I was

anxious to get to school, just to be near him.

I couldn‟t worry about Rosalie or Jasper or Emmett or Alice, or what they might say or do.

I was too buoyant, too filled with Edward to care.

I got out of bed and noticed I was still a little bit sore, but a sick part of me liked that pain. It was

from him and it was something I had from him, even when he wasn‟t around.

In the shower, my mind floated to my first orgasm. I‟d let two other guys feel me down there

before. They fumbled around and made me sore with rough, poking fingers, but Edward…

He just knew.

He knew how to touch me in ways that I didn‟t even know… And then I had to stop thinking about

it, because the truth was, of course he would know how.

He had plenty of practice on my best friend and my enemy.

My stomach kind of flipped when I realized I should be able to think of all of that experience
without feeling a pang of pain or resentment.

But… okay, he couldn‟t have known that some girl from Arizona would move here, and he‟d fall in
love.

And he gave them all up.

For me.

I could get past it for him.

I shut out Rosalie and Alice, and replayed Edward‟s words.

I love you.

I love you.

As long as I had that, it‟d be okay.

I got dressed quickly, pausing only to smile at the indent in the pillow, where he had lain.

In my bed.

It was surreal and perfect.

I bounded down the stairs and stopped dead in my tracks when I got to the kitchen.

Charlie‟s back was to me, but facing me, talking to Charlie, was Edward.

He stopped talking mid-sentence.

“Oh, good morning, Bella,” Edward said in a polite tone I‟d never heard come from his mouth

before.

He just stood there, relaxed and freshly shaved and showered, like he hadn‟t been in my bed,

touching me and loving me, hours ago.

He was wearing a white, baseball style t-shirt with blue sleeves and a pair of old, faded jeans. The

shirt fit him snugly across the chest and upper arms… and I wanted to kiss him.

Desperately.

“Uh… Hi,” I said instead, already flushed.

Charlie turned and smiled at me, unwittingly turning his back on Edward, who immediately
unleashed his crooked grin on me deviously.

“I didn‟t know you knew Edward. His father has been my doctor for years,” Charlie said.

“Oh. Uh… Edward is my lab partner,” I said.

And he sleeps in my bed.

Edward raised his eyebrows at me, then made a ridiculously lewd and suggestive gesture.

If I didn‟t love him, I‟d have killed him.

“So, Edward says he‟ll drive you to school today,” Charlie said.

“Yeah, we‟ve got some Biology to work on, so we‟d better get there early,” I said.

“Lots of Biology,” Edward said, and I turned red.

“Well, Bella, you make sure you do what you gotta do. I don‟t want you to fall behind or

anything.”

“Oh, don‟t worry, Mr. Swan. I‟m very good at Biology. I can help her out,” Edward said, smiling at

me.

I wanted to die. Edward, however, thought this was hysterical, and began to laugh silently behind

Charlie‟s back.

“Okay. Well, drive safe,” Charlie said, turning back to Edward, whose face immediately went back

to angelic.

Oh, he was good.

I grabbed his hand and walked out the door.

“What are you doing?” I asked, but the smile was already creeping up on my face.

“I wanted to see him.” Edward shrugged, opening his car door.

Right.

No big deal.

I stood on the other side of the car, looking over it at him.

“I think he likes me,” Edward said confidently, squinting up at the sky before getting into the car.

I blinked twice.

This guy was unreal.

He started the engine, and I slid in the passenger‟s seat.

“You know, you don‟t have to be… like, uber boyfriend. I mean, meeting Charlie isn‟t -”

“I wasn‟t trying to prove anything. I was curious. I‟m curious about everything that has to do with

you. Besides, I‟ve been sleeping in the man‟s house for weeks… It‟s nice to finally see him.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Edward leaned in and kissed me, and I kissed him back, more enthusiastically than I intended.

It was just… He had that warm, shower soap smell, and his lips were so perfect on mine, and then

I wanted more, so I leaned in further, and then my body got… Well, ready, and I couldn‟t stop.

It was as if my body knew what he could do for it now, how good he could make me feel.

Too soon, his hands were on my face, and he was pushing me away.

“Don‟t do that shit to me right now,” he said and then let out a deliberate shiver.

He put the car in reverse, and I settled back in my seat, unsatisfied but pleased I had that effect

on him.

When we were in the school parking lot, I was suddenly petrified.

Sure, when I was with him, things were great, but we‟d be apart most of the day, and I just had no

idea what to expect.

“Do you think… I mean, what do you think they‟ll say?” I asked.

Edward pulled the keys out of the ignition and looked at me.

“Well, Emmett will talk about being scouted for football, Jasper will stare at your tits, Alice will be

Alice, and Rosalie will be a bitch.”

“Oh.”

He kind of laughed and shook his head. Then he got out of the car.

Edward held my hand walking into the school, and people stared.

I was used to that - they always did. The troubling part was they were staring for all the wrong

reasons, the same reasons.

Edward always held hands with Alice and Rosalie, as did Emmett and Jasper and me, so it wasn‟t
any sort of declaration to the gawkers - it was nothing new. They all just assumed I was one of

them, as they had for weeks now.

I‟m sure that‟s not why Edward was holding my hand anyway. He didn‟t care what anyone thought,

he did what pleased him.

But abruptly and urgently I needed these people to know that we weren‟t some sick rumor… or that

we weren‟t the sick truth of the pact.

We were us.

Just the two of us.

When we got to his locker, I leaned up and kissed him.

His hands stayed on the locker, but he kissed me back, bending down playfully to my level before

pulling back and smiling.

“Really. Stop that,” he said.

“Why?”

“Because I don‟t want to go to Calculus with a hard on,” he said, like it should‟ve been obvious.

“Oh.”

“I think,” he said, “we have a lot to learn from each other.”

“Yeah,” I smiled and then, because I couldn‟t help myself, I decided to exercise my newfound

power. “I can‟t wait to learn.”

He hissed at me through his teeth and slammed the locker shut.

Edward put a pen behind his ear and held out his hand to me, and we trudged forward.

We passed Alice, who smiled, but kept her distance, and I was grateful. I wasn‟t quite ready to

think about him and her… though eventually, I knew I‟d have to.

“Are you okay?” Edward asked out of nowhere.

“Yeah, why?”

“Because you‟re turning my fucking fingers blue.”

“Oh, sorry,” I said, realizing for the first time I was holding on way too tightly to him.

Then we were at the door to my first class.

Jessica Stanley walked by and gaped - we‟d past false smiles a few weeks ago.

“I don‟t want to go in. Ack. I just want to get out of here,” I said.

“Sweet. Let‟s go,” Edward said, his face brightening beautifully.

“I can‟t just leave.”

“Yes, you can. I do it all the time.”

I realized I‟d have to be careful about what I‟d say… Nothing was impossible for him.

I added that to the list of things I loved about him.

“I have to go to class, Edward. I‟ll see you after first hour.”

“Whatever,” he sighed and kissed the side of my neck.

The morning went smoothly, quietly - just the usual whispers and stares - until right before lunch,

when I made the mistake of going to the bathroom, again.

I walked in, and Rosalie was in front of the mirror, fixing her lip gloss.

I wanted to run out, but she saw me.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi,” she said, zipping her purse and turning to me. She wasn‟t gonna waste any time.

“Just so you‟ve been warned, it‟ll never last.”

“At least it‟s real,” I said.

“You don‟t think what the five of us had was real? You‟re kidding yourself, or he‟s been lying to
you.”

“Look, Rosalie, I know you guys love each other, and I know how close you all are, but this is…

I‟m in love with him.”

“Yeah, you and every other girl in school. Once he‟s bored, he‟ll move on, and believe me, he gets
bored easily. You wouldn‟t know that yet. The way he is in bed - he‟s so adventurous, always needs
to be doing something new. Anyway, I managed to keep him, um… entertained for three years…
And I knew what I was doing. Because he taught me what he liked. And he knew what I liked too.
You know what my favorite was? When he would lay me down on my stomach and kiss me

everywhere until -”

“It sounds great,” I said, hating her for providing a visual. “But you know what my favorite is?

When he tells me he loves me and no one else… But you wouldn‟t know anything about that.”

She kind of flinched, then wiped her face calm.

“Well, then I suggest you enjoy it while it lasts,” she smirked, then walked out.

I stood there frozen, staring at my reflection in the mirror.

He loves me.

He loves me.

But somehow, replaying his words didn‟t work this time, and then I was crying.

Why?

Why did my dream man have to have this… thing?

How could he be so right, so perfect for me, yet I was just now realizing how despicable his actions
were - those things Rosalie said were… Somehow, subconsciously, I‟d been separating that Edward

from my Edward, and it just hit me that… they were the same.

I couldn‟t accept him and I couldn‟t respect him and I couldn‟t be without him.

And then I was illogically angry at all five of them for being stupid and irresponsible and afraid.

I knew their decisions had nothing to do with me, and I knew I had no right to be mad, but I was

anyway.

I was mad, because I cared so much for all of them and I loved Edward and I couldn‟t escape that,
so damn them all for being the best and stupidest people I‟d ever known… For making me care,

even though I wanted to run.

The bathroom door swung open, and Edward walked in.

“You can‟t be in here,” I said, quickly wiping at my cheeks.

“Yet here I am anyway. What the Hell happened?”

“Your former fuck buddy happened,” I snapped, my anger spilling over.

I shouldn‟t have been mad at him.

But I was.

“Why did you do it? Why did you come around and make me fall in love with you? Why -”

“I couldn‟t stay away.” He shrugged and pulled me into him by the waist of my jeans.

My arms wrapped around his waist. I couldn‟t help it and I hated that.

“What did she say to you?” Edward asked into the top of my head.

“She told me a few of her favorite things,” I said, clinging to him… to the very body Rosalie was
referring to.

“I‟m sorry… I don‟t know what else to say. I mean, I did sleep with her. I‟m not anymore and I‟ll
tell her to shut up about it.”

“That‟s it?” I asked, but I wasn‟t even sure what else I wanted.

“Yeah, that‟s it,” he said, stepping away from me, and he looked suddenly defensive. “Look, I told
you not to say you loved me if you didn‟t mean it. I told you to run. I can‟t change what I did. If I

could, I would, but I can‟t… so… I don‟t know what you want.”

“I want you to never have been in that pact,” I said truthfully.

“Well, I can‟t give you that,” he snapped back, throwing his hands in the air.

“I know.”

“I‟m trying here. I want you, but you have to want me back - all of me - the way I want you… And

I am who I am, past and all.”

“How the Hell am I supposed to want that?” I asked, incredulous.

How was I supposed to be okay with that past attached to him?

“You tell me, Bella! You‟re the one who said you did. I told you you couldn‟t possibly want this and

you said you did. Well, now you‟ve got it, so don‟t pull this shit on me now.”

I stood there, shocked.

He was right.

He knew before I did I would feel like this, but I didn‟t listen… because I loved him.

I still loved him. The problem was it was just too hard to love him.

“You can‟t just pull me in and tell me you love me and you want me and then not be able to deal
with it. Fuck, Bella, you can‟t just do that to me…”

“I‟m sorry… I don‟t know what I‟m doing,” I whispered.

“I shouldn‟t have believed you,” he kind of laughed. “I should‟ve known better… Someone like you

could never really be with someone like me.”

The bell rang for lunch, loud and shrill, and we both stopped.

The bathroom door swung open, and Jasper, Emmett and Alice walked in.

“We heard you yelling,” Alice said.

Edward‟s eyes stayed locked on me, his head downcast, his eyes glaring up at me through his thick

lashes.

“Yeah, well, this is a two-way relationship. I don‟t fight with four people anymore,” he said.

“Ouch. Touchy,” Emmett said.

“This is why I don‟t do relationships,” Jasper sighed.

Then I turned to him, because this was about all of them.

“„This is why you don‟t do relationships‟? That‟s a joke, Jasper. Because no matter what, you can‟t
escape pain. It‟s part of life… And, God, all of you just thought you had this whole thing beat, but

you‟re just setting yourselves up for worse hurt than most people have.

“All of you took the coward‟s way out! All of you were too scared of life, so this is what you do?
And, God, your excuses for this are pathetic! We don‟t want STDs? We don‟t want cheating and

breakups? Well, then practice some fucking self-control. Most fifteen-year-olds are capable of that.

“You know, I care about you all very much. I do, but you‟re all deluded. You all think you‟re
untouchable. Look at Rosalie and Edward - they are hurting because of this, and it‟s only a matter

of time before the rest of you are too. You escaped nothing.”

“You don‟t know shit about us,” Jasper said flippantly.

“I know you can‟t go around, trying to avoid life, and not get burned in the end. It‟ll catch up with
a vengeance. You guys isolated yourselves in this bubble, and nothing real got in, but sooner or
later, the real world is gonna bust through, and none of you are going to be ready for it. You
robbed yourselves of everything… And I‟ll admit, you have each other, and I do admire that. Hell, I
ached for that kind of acceptance, that kind of bond… But in the end, you‟ll all resent each other for

it. You‟ll all realize you‟ve been ruining each other.”

“You have no idea what you‟re talking about, sweetheart,” Emmett said, shaking his head.

“You don‟t believe me? Ask Edward. He knows all about it,” I said, then I walked out.

Chapter 14.

EPOV

“Dude, way more trouble than it‟s worth,” Emmett said, after Bella left.

“I don‟t know. Those tits are -” Jasper started.

“Shut up,” I sighed, leaning back on the row of sinks.

Alice stood there, wedged between Emmett and Jasper.

She hadn‟t said a word the entire time, until now.

“She was right,” Alice whispered. “About all of it.”

“Alice, don‟t listen to that shit,” Jasper said, grabbing her hand.

“No, she just voiced it, but all those things she said… I already knew.”

“What are you saying, Alice?” Emmett asked.

“I don‟t know,” Alice said, shaking her head, looking all sad.

“Thanks a lot, Romeo,” Jasper said, tilting his head at me. “Way to mess up the team.”

“Alice… it‟s Friday,” Emmett said, exasperated.

“She‟s worth it,” Alice said, ignoring Emmett and looking at me.

“I know that,” I said.

Alice stepped forward and put her arms around my waist.

“We‟ll all have to go through this,” she said. “Sooner or later… And look at you, you‟re learning.
You‟re not missing out anymore, so even if it doesn‟t work out with Bella, at least you‟re out there.
At least you‟re starting, and maybe next time -”

I took a step back and unlocked her arms.

Next time.

She meant well, but she didn‟t get it… I didn‟t do this to learn shit or to experiment with

relationships. I did this for Bella.

Screw next time. I wanted this time.

And I couldn‟t have it.

So fuck this. Fuck all of this.

I walked out of the girls‟ bathroom and got a few tight ass looks from a few randoms.

Whatever.

It wasn‟t the first time I spent the lunch hour in there, but usually, I was smiling when I walked
out.

Dammit.

I knew she‟d regret it, so why the Hell did I let myself believe her in the first place?

Someone like Bella could never really understand this. Not that I really understood it anymore

either.

It‟s just… She doesn‟t get that it was just sex.

She couldn‟t see the difference, and I never was even aware there could be a difference, but after I

touched Bella… I knew the difference.

But I couldn‟t make her feel that. I couldn‟t explain that being with her couldn‟t even be considered

the same act as being with Rosalie or Alice.

Shit.

I shouldn‟t have believed her.

I should have made her shut up before she said she loved me.

I should have kept my fingers out of her pants and kept my tongue in my own damn mouth.

Because then this shit wouldn‟t be tearing me the fuck up.

I knew better, and she didn‟t…

I knew she couldn‟t handle me…

She was always saying all this innocent shit that just broke my fucking heart…

Just the way she was - all good and bright-eyed and always looking for justice and fairness in

everything, like nobody ever told her life isn‟t fair.

I loved that about her.

But still… even I knew enough not to go tossing around words like „I love you‟ if you aren‟t fucking

prepared to deal with the consequences.

I may not be relationship savvy, but she was acting like a dizzy, little girl.

Hah.

We were doomed from the start.

And I wanted someone to blame.

I walked into the cafeteria and scanned the gawkers until I saw Rosalie.

She was standing in line at the Pepsi machine, and Newton was entertaining his friends by

pretending to slap her ass.

This instinctively pissed me off, but I got myself in check quickly; I had enough trouble today to

deal with.

I walked over to Rosalie and yanked her by the arm out of the line.

“Come to your senses?” she asked.

“Yep,” I said, and she followed me out of the cafeteria, down the hallway and right out the front

exit, just like I knew she would.

“Get in,” I said, when I got to my car.

She did.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked, after her door slammed shut.

“I told her the truth, Edward. She can‟t handle it. So you‟re welcome. I just saved you from
dysfunctional relationship Hell.”

Right.

Because what I had before was so functional.

“You ruined it for me, Rosalie. Why -”

“Please. You ruined it for yourself. Just like we all did. Just… come back. It‟s not too late. You were

happier -”

“No. I wasn‟t. And what is with you? Why can‟t you just fucking let it go? Have Emmett and Jasper

and leave me -”

“It‟s about loyalty, Edward! You meet this girl and all of the sudden, you don‟t give a shit about any

of us.”

“That‟s shit, Rose, it‟s not about loyalty. You‟re jealous… but you‟re also right. I don’t care about

you the way I care about Bella. And, God, Rosalie, you don‟t love me like that either.”

“It‟s not about that! This is all we have, and now… one by one, it‟s just falling apart! How could you

just do this to me?”

“Everything is not all Rosalie all the time. Sur-fucking-prise, baby. Other people matter.”

“Like you would know anything about that, Edward.”

“You know what? I don‟t have to argue with you anymore.”

“So, that‟s it? You‟re just gonna walk away from all of us, like we never fucking mattered at all?
You have no one else to go to, Edward. Keep in mind, we‟re the people who loved you and

accepted you. We never judged you. We never said we couldn‟t handle your shitty problems.”

“You‟re the reason for them!” I said, half laughing.

“Bullshit. You were in this just like the rest of us, so don‟t get all high and mighty now, like we
dragged poor, innocent Edward down. Just because you fucked Miss Perfect doesn‟t make you

perfect too. You‟re no different than us.”

“But I want to be. I love you, Rosalie, but I‟ll drop you like a bad habit for Bella.”

“You‟re an asshole.”

“I know.”

I didn‟t know how else to say it.

I cared about Rosalie a lot and I hoped that one day, she‟d get a chance to understand this.

Trying to explain it wouldn‟t work… I couldn‟t just explain that when you fucking lost your soul to

someone else, loyalty and prior commitments didn‟t mean shit.

Rosalie would figure it out - she was good looking enough. Some poor schmuck would fall for her,

despite the bitchy exterior.

She reached for the door handle.

“Hey,” I said.

“What?”

I reached out to touch her cheek softly with the palm of my hand.

“I want you to stay the Hell away from her. Don‟t talk to her, don‟t look at her and don‟t even

fucking breathe in her direction.”

“You already lost her,” Rosalie smiled and turned her head to kiss the palm of my hand.

“Just leave her alone, Rosalie,” I said, taking my hand away.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and got out of the car.

I started the engine and got the Hell out of there.

BPOV

I sat in the empty History room, frozen.

That had to be the shortest relationship in the history of Forks. The problem was, I wasn‟t ready for

it to be over.

I bit absently on my lip, hoping to keep the tears at bay, and let my already puffy eyes close.

Guys had ex-girlfriends all the time.

Why was this any different?

Was I such a jealous person that I‟d never be able to cope with a guy with a past?

No, I decided.

It wasn‟t the actual sex that bothered me, it was the terms of the sex.

Edward was funny and beautiful and sweet and an asshole, and made notoriously bad decisions…

He was a coward.

What was I getting myself into in the first place with him?

I mean, look at the lengths this guy went to, just to avoid getting hurt.

Shit.

Hypocrite.

Me.

Shit.

Earlier, I‟d decided it hurt too much.

It was too hard to love him, and I ran.

But… isn‟t that exactly what I accused them of being cowards for?

They were just trying to avoid the pain and the drama… And I was doing the same exact thing.

The only difference was, I was actually sacrificing him for it.

The five of them just avoided; I actually dove right in and then ran.

I sat there with a twisting, sick stomach, thinking of what I dragged him through… And then it

occurred to me he was stronger than me.

Edward stepped out of his world - that safe little cocoon he was wrapped so tightly and completely

in - for me.

After three years of avoiding pain, he decided to risk it on me… He thought I was worth it… and

that realization was huge and overwhelming, because it meant he loved me.

He must really and truly and completely love me… and I failed him.

Shit.

Well, I‟d have to fix it. I just hoped he‟d be willing to let me jerk him around one more time.

Alice walked in the room and paused when she saw me.

It was odd she was in here… Lunch wasn‟t even over yet.

“Hi,” I said wearily, worried about how she reacted to my impromptu bathroom speech.

“Hi,” she said and walked toward me.

“Alice, I‟m sorry. I didn‟t mean to hurt you -”

“You were right. About all of it, so…”

“I‟m sorry,” I whispered. “If it makes you feel any better, I‟m guilty of the same things… minus the

sex.”

“I guess… I have a lot to work out,” Alice said.

“We all do,” I sighed.

“Edward‟s upset.”

“What did he say?” I asked eagerly, hoping she‟d say he didn‟t hate me.

“Nothing. But… Well, I know him. Bella, he‟s trying so hard, and I know that -”

“I made a mistake,” I said, my adrenaline kicking in. “I want him. And I know I sound like a

confused idiot and I know I can‟t just expect him to -”

“Go get him!”

“What?”

“Go! Tell him! Tell him you want to be with him!”

“Well, I… God, is he in the cafeteria?”

“No, he left. He probably went home,” Alice said. Then she pulled a pen out of her purse and

grabbed my hand and wrote something on it. “This is his address. Go.”

“I… I don‟t have a car, and, geez, Alice, we have like four hours of school left…”

Alice tossed her keys on my desk.

“There is something to be said for grand gestures. Go, Bella. I need this to work out for my own
sake, okay? I need to see this work and I need him to be happy. I need to know it‟s possible for

me too. Go.”

I grasped the keys, and my heart was pounding, and I was nervous and hopeful and afraid and

smiling.

“Quick,” Alice laughed. “If you wait until after lunch, you‟ll get caught.”

I never skipped school… But then, I‟d never been in love.

I stood up and nodded at Alice, then went to find her car.

I glanced at the address on my hand, mildly surprised that I hadn‟t asked where he lived, before.

I knew the street.

And I was shocked again.

Alice wasn‟t lying before, when she said his parents were loaded.

His street was in the only gated community in Forks… Funny how I never would‟ve guessed that.

I drove, until I got to his house.

This can‟t be right.

I looked at the numbers on my hand again.

This was right.

Jesus.

The driveway was a mile long, and the house loomed huge, white and daunting.

I parked in front of his house, glad that I had Alice‟s sleek car and not my truck.

I saw his car pulled all the way up in the drive - he was here.

I took a very shaky breath, then another one, and got out of the car.

My knees were weak, and suddenly, I was petrified.

What if he told me to leave?

What if he told me he didn‟t want to be with me?

I mean, I was even annoying and confusing myself… I couldn‟t exactly blame the guy if he told me

it was too much - declaring love, breaking up… and making up, all in about thirteen hours.

I had to try.

I wouldn‟t continue to be that hypocritical coward… That, and I already missed him. I didn‟t want to

be without him.

I raised my hand to the doorbell, but the door swung open before I touched it.

“Oh! Hello, there! Are you here about the carpets? I‟m just on my way out, so -”

“Oh, um… no. I‟m here to see Edward?”

This woman was radiant.

Beautiful and airy and sparkling… She must be his mother - I could see the resemblance.

It was odd to think of Edward having a mom at all - someone who did his laundry and made him

dinner, but then I got the distinct impression she didn‟t do any of those things for him.

“Oh, okay,” she smiled, not really looking at me. “Hmm, is his car in the drive?”

“Uh… Yes?”

“He didn‟t tell me there was no school today,” she mused absently. “Anyway, he should be in

there,” she said, stepping out but leaving the door open. “Esme, by the way.”

She extended a manicured, diamond accented hand.

“Bella,” I smiled, shaking her hand.

“Bella… It‟s good to see Edward has made a new friend. Well, I‟ve got to run. He‟s probably in his

room. First door on the right, up the stairs.”

And then she was gone.

I was dazed.

I thought of the nights he spent at my house, the days at Emmett‟s and all of the school ditching,

and even the pact.

His parents didn‟t know a damn thing about him.

Inside the house was vast and white and sterile, and I couldn‟t imagine Edward in here… His
clothes, his smile didn‟t fit here.

I felt like I was making the house dirty just standing there. Best not to look too close, I decided. I
could be overwhelmed right out the door.

It was easy to find the sprawling staircase, not so easy making myself climb it.

What the Hell would I say to him?

Um… Remember when I said ‘I love you’ and then I backed out, because I’m a jealous idiot? Right.

I changed my mind. Again.

I stood outside his bedroom door and almost smiled to myself.

Skipping school, randomly invading people‟s houses? I was turning into Edward.

I absently chewed at my lip and took a long breath, then opened the door.

His room was… big.

It smelled like him - warm and soapy and Edward… I wanted to go in there and never come out.

It was surprisingly clean. A few t-shirts and socks littered the white carpet, and there were several

empty beer cans on the dresser, but that was it.

The walls were bare, there was a complicated looking stereo and a TV mounted to the wall, but

that was it. You‟d never know this was his at all.

Blue walls, big, dark furniture… and, of course, his bed.

Which he was on.

It was unmade, and he was sprawled across the rumpled, blue and white bedding, asleep on his

stomach.

His shirt was off, and I could make out his smooth, broad back, moving slightly up and down,

rhythmically, with each heavy breath.

His hand was shoved underneath his pillow, and even in his sleep, his eyebrows were pulled

together slightly, angrily. His mouth was full and motionless, and he looked beautiful and angry.

I wanted to make him feel good. I wanted to put it all back together.

I took a step in the room and shut the door behind me, then turned back to him.

He opened one eye and kind of groaned and sighed.

“Hi,” I said.

His eye closed, and I saw his shoulders tense and his jaw lock and unlock.

“Jesus. What do you want?”

Chapter 15.

BPOV

I stayed where I was, not sure where to start.

Edward closed his eye and didn‟t move.

Did he want me to leave?

I wasn‟t going to.

He wanted to know what the Hell I was doing here and I just had no idea what to say, and all I

really wanted to do was climb into his bed and be with him… so I did.

He didn‟t move. He didn‟t even open his eyes, so I resisted the urge to put my hands in his hair

and let my hands run down his back.

I closed my eyes and let the heat coming off of him calm me down. I breathed him in and out, and
with each breath, I knew more and more how right he was for me… How nothing else mattered,
because I‟d never felt more sure of anything in my entire life.

EPOV

I hoped she brought a fucking knife with her this time… to finish me off quickly.

But really, I was just sick of hearing about how shitty I was, and it fucking hurt to look at her, so I

kept my eyes closed and waited for her to get out.

I want her to leave.

I want her to pack up her shit from daddy‟s house and move in.

I want to be good enough and I want her not to be so fucking self-righteous… But really, I just

want her not to be so right about me and all those things she said.

Then she got into my bed.

Fuck me.

Her smell was there, all over, and I‟d have to wash my sheets when she left, because I couldn‟t

just have that smell and not have her.

Bella started breathing all hard, and I wished she‟d get to the fucking point and leave already,
because even though it had to be wildly inappropriate at a time like this, I had a raging hard on,

and it was getting uncomfortable, pressed against the bed.

“When I was fifteen, I let Vincent Grant finger me at a party in Kristen Dennis‟ basement. Everyone
called it the Den of Sin or something ridiculous like that, and… I don‟t know… It was just what you
did if you were in that basement. Anyway, it hurt, and I didn‟t like it, but I was too chickenshit to
tell him to stop and I should have, because word got around, and two months later his friend Ryan
tried, and I let him too, because… I don‟t know. I was just too worried for all the wrong reasons to

tell him to stop. It hurt again, not like when you did it, and it was - Wait, that‟s beside the point.”

She was quiet for a minute, and I had no idea what the Hell she was talking about, but if she was
going for jealousy as payback, it was fucking working. I thought of some punk kid shoving his

hands down her pants, and my fists clenched under the pillow.

Mental note - go to Arizona and break Vincent Grant‟s fingers.

She sighed, and I waited for her to start talking, even though she was making no sense.

Did she really skip school and come to my house to tell me about awkward handjobs?

“Okay, let me try this again. When my mom wanted to leave to travel with Phil, I wanted her to
stay. I didn‟t want to come to Forks, but again, I was too chickenshit to say anything. So I just
kept my mouth shut and came to Forks, and it turns out that‟s the best thing that‟s ever happened

to me – Wait, sidetracked again.

“Look, the point is, I have a history of just caving when things get scary… But… I‟m going to stop

that now, because you‟re too important to cave on.”

I couldn‟t help it anymore. She was rambling and smelling all good and laying too close to me and

still not making any damn sense.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I tried to duck out on you when I got scared, but I can‟t do that, because I can‟t be without you…
And those things I said about you and everyone were true, but they‟re true for me too. And at least
you had the balls to try. You… you put yourself out there for me… and I just… I didn‟t give the
same back, but I want to. And if you say you love me, I‟ll believe you and I‟ll know that none of
your past matters, because this - me and you - isn‟t about avoiding or being afraid or even sex. I
mean, okay, you had sex with them, but you didn‟t have what me and you have, and that‟s what

matters.”

“How… I mean, what if you change your mind again? What if Rosalie tells you I bent her over the

kitchen table three months ago? Then what?”

Shit, I didn‟t want to say it, but I had to. This time I wanted it all to slap her in the face. I wanted

her to really realize the reality here, before she went shooting her mouth off about love and shit.

“Then she does. I mean, I won‟t exactly get off on it, but I‟m aware you have a past… You know, it
wasn‟t even so much the sex that bothered me as much as it was why you were doing it. And… I

understand that now. Like I said, we‟re similar like that.”

God, she was killing me.

Me having casual sex and her letting her mommy run off - I couldn‟t see the similarity… But Bella
could, and that‟s what mattered.

I lifted my head up and looked at her.

Her eyes were closed tight, like she was waiting for me to hit her or something.

I had to kind of smile; she was so fucking ridiculous.

“You should know a few things before you get into my bed and start rambling about love,” I said

and I just had to let my finger touch her lip. “I‟m not that nice and I get frustrated easily.”

“I know that,” she said. Then - bless her heart - she kissed my finger.

“And I probably swear to fucking much.”

“You do,” she said, and I let my finger run over her lip.

“I drink more than I should and I sleep too much.”

“Okay,” she said, and her tongue touched the tip of my finger.

“And I can‟t promise you fucking fairy tale shit and I can‟t tell you that I‟m not capable of doing
some really shitty things, because I am. But I‟ll never be someone you can‟t trust. That promise I
can make.”

“Me too,” she whispered. “I‟m sorry. I‟m so sorry I did that. I just… I don‟t know… Freaked out,
but I‟ll never pull shit like that again and -”

“Shut up. You talk too fast.”

She was acting like it was up to me, like I had a decision to make, when the damn truth was I‟d let
her jerk me around - leave and come back - as many times as she had to… Because it turns out,

love makes me fucking whipped like that.

I didn‟t like it, but what could I do?

Besides, I had three years of lost relationship drama to make up for. I deserved this.

I‟d dodged shit like this for all that time, now I‟d have to bend over and take it, but as long as it

was Bella giving it, and as long as she‟d always come back - fuck it - it was worth it.

“Open your eyes,” I told her.

She did, and all that innocent and righteous stuff about her ran together with how fucking sexy she

was, and it just hit me like a kick to the throat.

“I love you,” I said, and it was probably the understatement of the century, but I didn‟t know what

else to say.

She smiled and lifted her head up to kiss me.

I probably moved too quickly, but that‟s what I knew, so I shifted over so I was on top of her, and
my dick felt much better, up against her, than it did on the mattress.

“Are you going back to school?” I asked, looking down at her.

“Hell, no,” she said. Then she started to suck like mad on my neck and pull my hair, and it felt like

fire, being on top of her, and I just had to get closer.

“Open your legs,” I said, because she was open, just not enough.

I grabbed the back of her knee and yanked it bent, and her other leg followed suit.

Good girl.

Too good.

I wasn‟t going to stop myself, and a part of me hoped she’d stop me, because I really didn‟t want
to hurt her again… But mostly, I didn‟t want her to stop me.

Bella kept working my neck and then my shoulder, and she might have actually bit me, but it didn‟t
matter, because all of it felt so good.

My hands went up her shirt, and I held on tight around her waist. It was so warm and soft, and I
just held on, while she licked and sucked and made me hers.

Then, out of freaking nowhere, she pushed at my shoulders with the palms of her hands, and I
didn‟t want to move, but I did anyway, because it was what she wanted.

I got to my elbows, and she yanked her shirt up, then pulled it over her head.

Front clasp.

Yes.

I smiled and scooted down her body, then unclasped the bra.

Gah.

Her tits bounced out, all round and perfect, and I had to have my mouth on her.

Bella kind of squeaked when I sucked her in and I smiled around her nipple - I fucking loved

making her happy.

And then the noises came.

Those fucking little moans and sighs that just egged me on and drove me crazy… And I just wanted

to keep hearing them, so I didn‟t think, I just kept going.

I sucked and licked and pinched and pulled, until she was wiggling her little body so hard

underneath me, I had to stop to see if she was okay.

“What are you doing?” she panted. “Don‟t stop.”

Oh, okay.

I laughed and rolled her wet nipple between my fingers, and she wedged her hand between us.

She slipped it into my pants, and I lifted my hips, so she could grab my dick.

Touch. Me.

Her warm, little hand wrapped around me, and I instinctively pumped into it and I think I kind of

shocked the Hell out of her, but she got over it when I kept going.

“Do… do you have… like… a condom?” she asked, still gripping me tight and breathing hard.

I froze, and my insides smiled and recoiled all at the same time.

With her one free hand she tugged on my hair, and I looked up at her.

“Um… Yeah, but, Bella, I don‟t know if -”

“I want to. I want you. So, please…”

Please.

Are you kidding me?

Please make me bleed?

Please bring on the pain, so you can get off?

Then something else occurred to me.

“Are you on the pill?” I asked, leaning up on my elbows.

She pushed some hair out of my eyes and watched it fall back to the same spot she just moved it

from.

“No…” she said, all quiet.

“So before, when -”

“I wasn‟t really thinking… I just wanted you…”

I couldn‟t really be mad, but fuck.

I loved her too much to knock her up with a Cullen kid at eighteen.

I was about to tell her about warning a guy before you do shit like that, but then she started

moving around, and her hand tightened around my dick, and I forgot.

It might be too soon to do this.

Was it too soon… if we wanted to do this right?

There had to be some kind of standard for this.

But…right then, I loved her, and she loved me, and that‟s a Hell of a lot more than I‟d ever had, so

it was gonna happen.

I leaned over her and grabbed a condom from the nightstand drawer, and I hoped she wasn‟t
thinking about why I had them.

“Let go,” I said, tapping her arm that was down my pants.

She did, and I sat up. Then she started tugging her jeans down, and I ripped the condom wrapper

open.

“Can I look?” she asked, eyeing the condom.

She wanted to watch me put it on.

“Sure,” I said, completely amused.

Then she closed her eyes instead, and I laughed and shook my head.

Ridiculous.

I rolled the condom on and finally let myself look at her, all spread out in front of me, naked and

beautiful and waiting and mine.

I hovered over her, letting my hands lay flat on either side of her head.

“Hey,” I said, and she opened her eyes.

I kissed her, too softly really, but somehow, I thought I should be soft on top to make up for what

was coming below.

She was probably still kind of sore from my last fuck up, and that bugged me.

Bella put her arms around my neck and pulled me down, and my lips were right in the spot

between her neck and shoulder.

She was kind of shaking a little, and her skin felt hot, pressed up against mine, and her tits were
pushing into my chest, and her knees were digging into my sides, and all I wanted to do was fuck,
but she was scared.

“If it hurts… If you want me to stop, you gotta say something,” I said into her neck.

“Okay.”

“No, really. I don‟t want to be the next Vincent Grant. If you don‟t want it, tell me, because I won‟t

just know and I won‟t just stop if -”

“I‟m not a baby, Edward.”

“No, but you‟re my baby,” I said.

She was quiet for a second, and her shaking stopped.

“I really love you,” she whispered.

I reached between us and put the head of my dick against her, and she tightened her arms around
my neck, like I was going to be the one who saved her from pain and, at the same time, be the

one causing it.

She couldn‟t be completely healed from last time…

She‟d probably bleed for me again.

But now I was okay with that, because all she‟d have to do is ask, and I‟d bleed for her.

We were in love like that.

I pushed in slowly, and she stopped breathing, and her nails went into my neck.

“Are you okay?” I asked, trying so fucking hard not to plow. She was just so hot and fucking tight
and squeezing my dick…

“Yeah… just don‟t move for a second, okay?”

Kill. Me.

“I just… I need to get used to you,” she said, keeping too still.

I didn‟t have the heart to tell her I was only half way in.

A half second later, I couldn‟t not tell her.

“Maybe we should stop,” I said, because if I stayed in any longer like that, I was gonna push into
her.

“No! No,” she said, grabbing my face. “It‟s good. I want you.”

“Well, then… you gotta let me in,” I said. “Because right now… I‟m not.”

Her hand slid from my neck to reach in between us, and she felt what I was talking about.

“I want all of you,” she said, and I swear she wasn‟t talking about just my cock.

All of me.

Everything I was before and everything I would ever be… The same way I wanted her.

I eased into her slowly, and she was completely still and silent, driving her nails into my shoulders,

I‟m sure leaving marks and scratches.

My body actually shuttered when I was finally all the way inside of her - something I‟ve never felt.

And then we were just… together.

And it was so different and so much better than any sex I ever had, because it was Bella, and I
was inside of her, and she was wrapped around me, and I didn‟t want to close my eyes and pound
at her.

I wanted to watch her eyes and I just wanted to be a part of her… I wanted all of it.

Her nails eased up, out of my skin, and her hand found mine, and she intertwined our fingers,

while I just kept slowly and almost painfully easing myself in and out of her.

She kissed my lips, then tucked her head under my chin, and soon her hips started moving with

mine, and we were fucking perfect.

Perfectly fucking.

It was then that I completely understood what Rosalie meant by her robot comment, because I
never really moved like this with Alice or Rosalie, or felt like this with Alice or Rosalie. Hell, I never

even looked them in the eye.

My chin rested on top of Bella‟s head, and I rocked us slowly and just listened to her breathing

steady out.

She let go of my hand and started stroking slowly up and down my back, making me shiver and
smile. Then her thighs relaxed around me, and I had to pick up my pace, because her pussy was

too good not to.

“Is this okay?” I asked, and she nodded, but didn‟t say anything.

Her lips pressed into my throat, and her hips came up, suddenly, against mine, and she took me in

in one long stroke - a maneuver so basic and minute - but it was her and it was too fucking good.

“Bella… shit… You‟re gonna make me come,” I hissed, almost frustrated.

I didn‟t want to blow yet, dammit.

I wanted to be up in her longer, more, because this was hands down the best thing that‟s ever

happened to me.

She did it again, and I pushed down into her, pressing her into the mattress. If she was gonna pull

shit like that, she was ready to play.

Her head moved out from under my chin, and her eyes were wide.

Her mouth opened, and a tiny, short breath came out of her, and my hands tore at the sheets on
either side of her in an effort not to completely rip into her.

I put my mouth on her open mouth and I came.

She held still for me, while my eyes closed, and my dick jerked around inside of her, and my chest

growled out quietly.

I felt her hands on my face. Then she started kissing me all over, on my chin, my jaw, my lips…

She was loving me.

My eyes stayed closed, while my back and my arms twitched and tensed, and I kept a slower than

normal, even pace, until I felt my own come, wet and warm, trapped around the head of my dick.

I slid out of her and got to my knees and pulled the condom off carefully but swiftly.

I wasn‟t ready to get up yet, so I found the wrapper, shoved the used condom inside of it and

tossed it on the nightstand.

It‟d leak and leave a nasty ass mess, but whatever.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

She‟d closed her legs together, and I nudged her knee, so she‟d open them, and I could see.

She was a little wet, and I was kind of surprised to see she was obviously turned on, but there was

no blood.

“Edward?”

“Hmm?” I asked, breaking my gaze to look up at her.

“You‟re really kind of… amazing.”

“Uh… Thank you?”

She couldn‟t mean it… I mean, she didn‟t even come - not that I‟d expected her to.

“I‟ve never… I mean, when you were… finishing? I‟ve never seen you look so… good.”

“Huh. I‟ve never felt that good,” I grinned and then lay down next to her.

“Really? Was it - I mean, am I any good?” she asked, kind of smiling, and her face was all red.

“Bella,” I said, my hand grabbing the inside of her thigh, “that was fucking… You don‟t even know.

That was the best sex I‟ve ever had,” I said simply and completely truthfully.

“Wow,” she said, kind of dazed sounding, and then her body inched down a little bit, so my hand

was against her pussy.

Well, Hell, yes, she wanted me to get her off.

I smiled, and her eyes closed at the same time her legs spread further for me.

We lay side by side, and she put her head on my shoulder, and I made her happy.

Chapter 16.

One Month Later

EPOV

There were hair holder things around the stick shift of my car.

My favorite sweatshirt was no longer mine; it was Bella‟s pajamas.

My Cubs hat, which was fucking worn to perfection, took up new residency on her bedroom

doorknob, which wasn‟t really okay with me, because that shit took years to get right.

I‟d been doing her homework lately, because she‟d been half assing it, and there was no way in
Hell I was going to Dartmouth without her. Besides, I was faster than her.

And I was catching on to the boyfriend thing. For example, if I told Bella I‟d be there at seven, I
found out my ass better be there at seven, not nine, because that shit pisses her off.

Esme likes Bella okay. She must, since she noticed her.

Well, noticed her enough to mention her to Carlisle, who actually had the nerve to tell me to keep

my dick wrapped, which was actually kind of funny and insulting at the same time.

Bella said people in school were still talking shit, but I didn‟t notice, or maybe I was just used to it.

Shit at school was different, but the same too.

I hadn‟t spoken to Rosalie, and she hadn‟t spoken to Bella, so that was good.

Bella and Alice would talk in school, but that shit was awkward as Hell. Alice understood; I mean,

what were they gonna do? Compare notes about my dick?

I didn‟t ask what was up with the pact. I didn‟t really give a fuck.

Jasper and Bella exchanged CDs and shit, and he and Emmett were still around a lot… And things
were good.

Bella hadn‟t broken up with me again, which was fucking outstanding, and of course, the fucking
was outstanding as well, except for one problem that was bugging the piss out of me.

She didn‟t come on my cock.

And don‟t get me wrong, I had no problem with going down on her - I loved that shit - but… damn.

I mean, it‟s what I do.

It‟s the one thing I know I‟m good at and somehow, with Bella, obviously, I wasn‟t.

She didn‟t say anything about it. I didn‟t even know if she was aware it was an issue for me.

But it was.

I wasn‟t really sure why… Okay, I was sure why.

It was a blow to my ego… and not a good blow, which was a whole different issue.

I‟d come as soon as her mouth wrapped around me, which was fucking beautiful… and slightly
disconcerting. I wasn‟t used to not being the hold out, and it‟s not that I didn‟t freaking love

blowing it for Bella… It‟s just… Why didn‟t I have the same effect on her?

About a month into this relationship business, Bella started acting all quiet and sulky, which is a

chick move I have absolutely no patience for.

We were in her room, and I was finishing her Calculus, while she was deciding which t-shirt of mine

she‟d wear to Emmett‟s football game.

My friends and I weren‟t really into school spirit and shit, but we went to football games for
Emmett, because he played fucking brilliantly and he only did that, because it was his ticket out of
Forks. He was being scouted by schools, and… well, it was fun as Hell to get drunk at games and

talk shit to him from the bleachers.

We‟d been doing that since freshman year, so even though things were all different with us now, of
course I‟d still go for Emmett - his parents never showed up, and no one else in the school ever
quite knew if they should support him or not. Besides, Jasper swore that Jessica Stanley didn‟t

wear a bra when she was cheerleading, and that was always fun to debate on.

Bella was moping and quiet, and it was annoying me.

I finished her shit and shut the book and turned to her.

She was sitting on the bed, kind of staring off into space, and I wished she‟d just fucking say what

her problem was, or act normal.

Or not.

Because if she was gonna dump me again, I wanted to hold off on that as long as possible.

“Ready to go?” I sighed.

“Yeah,” she said.

I got up and pulled her off the bed by her hand. She stood and pressed into me.

I couldn‟t help it, I kissed her, probably too hard, but self-control was still something I was working
on. It wasn‟t easy, and though I wanted to so fucking much, I couldn‟t just… attack her whenever I
pleased, which would be all the time. She was different. I loved her; I couldn‟t just toss her around
and bend her any way I wanted to, like I did with Rosalie or Alice. And dammit, I wanted to, but

that couldn‟t be right. I mean, is that how you treat someone you love?

Like you want to throw them against a wall and just… fuck?

No.

Isn‟t love all about respect and shit?

This pact fucked me up worse than I originally thought.

BPOV

Everyday I‟d fallen more for him and every day I cared less about what people said or… anything

else, really.

Because I had Edward, and really, what else mattered?

And every day it intensified, because he was always saying and doing all of these amazing, little
things that just turned me on and made me smile and fall even more in love… And he didn‟t even

know he was doing these things.

Like the way he lets me keep his Cubs hat, even though I know he wants it back… Or this
expression he gets on his face right before he calls me ridiculous, or the way he lets me smell the
spot between his neck and shoulder, even though I know he thinks that‟s ridiculous… Or the way
he ties his shoes, or the way he never bothers to fix his collar, or the way he swears and smiles

when he climbs up the tree to my room…

And the way he takes care of me. He does my homework, though I secretly suspect it‟s just
impatience on his part, and he always makes sure there‟s gas in my truck, and when he‟s gone in
the mornings, the covers are always pulled up to my chin, even though I know I‟m too restless of a
sleeper to actually keep covers on all night long… He just does all these things, which I love,
because no one has ever looked out for me like that.

And the way he touched me.

Sometimes, we‟d be talking about anything, and he‟d just run one finger down my throat absently,
and I don‟t know if he even realized he was doing it, but things like that made me love him. Or
sometimes, at school, I‟d feel a hard slap on my ass and when I‟d turn around, all I‟d see was his
back retreating from me… And while we slept, our fingers would be tangled together, even if we

were laying on opposite sides of the bed.

And, of course, the other ways he touched me - his fingers, his mouth, him.

Sex wasn‟t painful at all anymore. It was… Well, it was the best feeling in the world when he was
inside of me, an actual physical part of me. He just fit me, perfectly now, as if he‟d carved me out

himself, for himself, and I suppose in a way he did.

But.

There was an issue.

He didn‟t find me… erotic?

Whatever this thing I felt for him was, this animalistic urge to consume him, he didn‟t feel it for

me.

That much was obvious.

He loved me, I was secure in that, but… I don‟t know.

Rosalie‟s words had been echoing in my head for days.

He lays me on my stomach and…

Shit.

It wasn‟t even that he did that with her that bothered me - I‟d reconciled with his past. It was more

that he didn’t do that with me.

The way he did touch me was always amazing and thrilling and perfect. And I was by no means

bored.

At all.

Every time we were together, every time I felt his hands on me and his body inside of me was…
Well, the best I‟ve ever felt, but still…

This was nagging at me.

Why couldn‟t he just… Okay, I loved having him on top of me, but why didn‟t I inspire anything

animalistic and wild in him?

Edward was always gentle and good, and why was I the only one who sometimes just felt the urge

to rip at him and bite at him and be all over him?

Why didn‟t I drive him crazy the way he drove me crazy?

Okay, I wasn‟t a sexbomb like Rosalie. I understood I didn‟t exactly exude sex from every pore,

but I wanted to be that for him.

And I knew, obviously, he could be like that… Just not with me.

It hurt.

I loved that he loved me… I just wished he thought I was sexy. Not cute, not pretty, not even

beautiful… sexy. The way I thought he was.

And I wished I had someone to ask about this, or talk about it with, but Alice was the only real

female friend I had in Forks and I couldn‟t go to Alice.

We just weren‟t that close anymore… We spoke in History class, and occasionally, I‟d run into her
before school, or in the library, but it was still just too awkward.

Still, I missed her and I hoped that one day I‟d get over it, and we could be close again.

Another reason I couldn‟t go to Alice was because I was embarrassed, and, God, he‟d been with
her. I didn‟t want to hear about that, and it would be worse if my suspicions were confirmed, and I
found out that I was the only one who Edward had been less than enthusiastic with… And, God,

just thinking of that comparison made me sick, so no, I couldn‟t go to Alice.

At any rate, the whole thing was starting to eat me alive, and it was coming to a head the night of

Emmett‟s football game.

I just… I‟d have to make him see I could be sexy, dammit.

EPOV

Bella was still shit for conversation on the way back to the school, so I turned the radio up, which
sucked, because radio was always crap, but she‟d raided my CDs, and there were none left in the

car.

She put her hand on the back of my neck like she always did, and her fingers kind of pulled at the

back of my hair. Then I got a hard on, like she knew I would.

I ducked my head away from her hand.

She wasn‟t an under the bleachers kind of chick; I couldn‟t let this go on.

“Stop it,” I grinned. “Unless you want to turn around and go back home.”

She kind of snorted and looked out the window.

Whatever.

I couldn‟t blame her; I wouldn‟t waste my time with sex if I didn‟t come either.

We trudged through the parking lot, and Bella smiled up at me when she recognized the song the

marching band was playing.

She grabbed my hand and held it high, then twirled herself around, then into me.

I laughed at her, because who the fuck dances to the school fight song?

Ridiculous, fucking amazing Bella.

She pulled my face down and kissed me, and I‟d never, ever get used to that.

I pushed into her, and my hands grabbed her face, but lightly, because I was still holding my keys

and I didn‟t want to hurt her.

She stumbled forward, into me, and then I took a step back, and she wasn‟t letting go, and I didn‟t

want her to.

She sucked my bottom lip in, and my fingertips pressed into her face, and her hands clenched into
my sides, and she really shouldn‟t start shit like this, because I had a fucking hard time stopping it,
and how did she not know that?

And then we were making out in a school parking lot, up against a 1997 Toyota.

Because she wanted to dance.

What the Hell was the matter with me?

She kind of pulled away to catch her breath, and I took advantage of the pause to get myself in

check.

I grabbed her hand and started walking again, hoping my hard on would die in the crowd.

“Come on, we don‟t want to miss kick off,” I said, tugging on her hand.

“We wouldn‟t want that,” she mumbled.

Rosalie and Jasper were sitting up at the top of the stands, which meant Bella‟s ass wiggled in my

face, while she hopped up the bleachers… not helping the dick situation.

She plopped next to Jasper, and I sat down.

Rosalie stared straight at the field.

She better keep her fucking mouth shut.

Jasper wordlessly handed down a Coke bottle.

Whiskey.

Score.

“Where‟s Alice?” Bella asked Jasper.

“Taking a piss. You guys missed Stanley‟s turn on top of the pyramid.”

“Will you shut up?” Rosalie hissed out of fucking nowhere.

“Eat it, lady,” Jasper said, not bothering to look at her.

I took a quick glance and smirked.

I knew sexually frustrated Rosalie when I saw her.

Guess that answered the pact question.

Jasper, however, seemed completely at ease and almost post coital.

Huh.

Bella swung one leg over the bench, so she could lean on my arm and talk to Jasper.

“I want to burn the Tom Tom Club CD, so I can‟t give it back yet,” Bella said.

“Sure. That shit‟s fucking king, isn‟t it?” Jasper asked Bella‟s tits.

“Yeah, you were right. I loved it,” Bella said.

“Will you fucking cut it out?” I cut in.

Jasper looked up at me and smiled.

I shrugged my arm out from under Bella‟s back and wrapped it around her chest.

“Continue,” I said, refocusing my attention back to the field.

“Anyway, if you like that - Hey! McCarty, quit being a woman and pass the ball!” Jasper boomed.

I laughed and took another drink.

Fucking Jasper.

“What were you gonna say?” Bella asked him.

“Oh, if you liked the Tom Tom Club, there‟s a - Hold up…”

I looked over at Jasper, and his fuzzy eyes were focused past me, in the aisle of the bleachers.

I looked over my shoulder.

Alice was standing in front of Mike Newton and Tyler motherfucking Crowley.

This kid had shit for brains. I mean, his fucking nose was still crooked for fuck‟s sake.

And even though it wasn‟t my business to defend anymore and even though this time it would

probably get my ass kicked out of school, I couldn‟t help it.

I went to lift my arm from Bella, but she grabbed it back and twisted around to see what was going

on.

“Son of a bitch,” Jasper said under his breath, but he didn‟t move to get up.

Rosalie looked down over at Alice, undaunted.

“You didn‟t get pissed when Embry Call called me a bitch on Thursday,” Rosalie snipped at Jasper.

“You are a bitch,” Jasper said absently, his eyes on Alice.

Alice‟s hands went to her hips, but she looked like she was going to cry.

“Lemme up,” I said to Bella.

She gripped tighter.

“Give her a second,” Jasper said, staring at Alice. “She‟s got this.”

“Dude, she‟s -”

And then little Alice‟s little fist balled up, and she punched Newton in the junk.

That shit looked painful.

“Told ya,” Jasper said, and I turned to him, but he was still looking at Alice and he was kind of
smiling and then he kind of half stood, when she started walking toward us.

“Nice,” Jasper said, holding his fist out to her.

“Don‟t be silly. I‟m not a boy,” she said, patting his fist.

Bella scooted into me, and Alice wedged between her and Jasper.

“All right?” I asked her, leaning back.

“Yeah,” Alice smiled.

Bella leaned forward to Alice, taking my arm with her.

“Alice! What happened - Oh! Never mind.”

Alice‟s hand slapped her neck, but not before I saw a nasty ass hickey.

Jasper‟s handiwork - I could spot it from a mile away.

He thought that shit was hilarious.

“You‟re a jackass,” I said to Jasper.

Then Rosalie leaned over.

“What the Hell is going on?”

“Nothing,” Jasper said, staring back out at the game.

Alice quickly looked at him, then looked at the game.

Bella swung her leg back over the bench and put her head on my shoulder.

Us and them.

Whatever the Hell was going on, I was glad I wasn‟t a part of it.

Sure, I was still dealing with the consequences, but fuck, I was where I wanted to be.

Rosalie put a hand on Jasper‟s knee, and Alice‟s face kind of screwed up and looked all pissy.

Holy shit.

Jasper swatted Rosalie‟s hand away.

“All of you go to Hell,” Rosalie said, then stood up and walked away.

It was silent, and Bella kind of put her face into my shoulder.

I tipped back the rest of my drink and dragged Bella to her feet.

I didn‟t need to be here.

Bella didn‟t need to be here.

We had our own problems to fix, and seeing all that dysfunction just made me more determined.

Whatever her problem was the past few days, she was gonna tell me about it, because I just

refused to have any residuals from this shit fuck us up.

Chapter 17.

BPOV

“That was weird. What do you think is going on with them?” I asked Edward in the parking lot.

“Psssh… whatever,” he uttered.

I was glad he didn‟t care, and I was glad he got us out of there, though I was curious about Jasper

and Alice.

All I knew was something pissed Rosalie off, and I‟d never seen Jasper shy away from a female

touch before.

I guess I just hoped Alice was happy, no matter what her current situation was.

Edward was walking slower than normal, and his hand was loose around mine.

He was drunk.

I was glad.

Maybe I could use his loose inhibitions to my advantage.

I shook my hand free from his and fished in his pocket for his keys.

“Ha,” he said, when I dangled them in front of his face.

“You‟re drunk.”

“I still drive better than you.”

“My father is a cop. If there‟s one thing I will never do, it‟s getting in a car with a drunk driver.

Besides, friends don‟t let friends drive drunk.”

“Thanks for the PSA.”

“You‟re welcome,” I sniffed, then ran off ahead of him, holding the keys up to taunt him.

“You‟re welcome,” I heard him mimic in a high pitched voice that sounded nothing like me.

I laughed and got into the driver‟s seat.

Edward got into the passenger‟s side and moved the seat back.

His legs sprawled out, but there still wasn‟t enough room for him.

“Comfy?” I laughed.

He leaned back in the seat and reached over to tap one finger against my chin.

“Don‟t kill my car,” he said after a few seconds.

“Please. You used to let Alice drive your car.”

“Alice knows how to drive a stick.”

“Huh. You probably let Alice do a lot of things you don‟t let me do,” I said cautiously, then
immediately regretted it.

“What the Hell is that supposed to mean?”

It meant he probably let Alice get on top of him, he probably bent Alice over and he probably -

“Nothing,” I said and started the car.

“If you have a problem, say it, because I‟m not gonna sit around and play guessing games with

you.”

I took a breath and blurted.

“You don‟t treat me the way you treated them,” I said, trying to make it sound nonchalant.

There.

I said it and now I felt like an idiot.

I threw the car in reverse.

“Jesus! Clutch!” Edward shouted.

“Sorry,” I mumbled.

“You‟re right. I don‟t treat you the same way.”

“Why?” I asked.

I already put it out there, now I might as well delve in. It‟s not like I could get any more

humiliated.

“Shift down and use the fucking clutch this time. And are you kidding me with the why shit?”

“No, I‟m not. What is it that -” The car jerked violently.

“You‟re fucking killing me. Clutch!”

“I can‟t do it!” I shouted back, frustrated with him and his fucking stick shift car that everyone else

seemed to know how to work, except for me.

The double meaning was not lost on me, which only made me more agitated.

“Okay, okay. Relax,” he sighed and put his hand over mine on the stick. “I‟ll show you how. I‟ll get

us all the way home.”

I bit my lip and nodded.

“Okay, listen… Do you hear that? The change in the engine? Hit the clutch.”

I did, and he moved his hand on top of mine, and the car seamlessly shifted gears.

“Easy,” he whispered under his breath.

“Just… don‟t move your hand from mine. And tell me when to use the clutch, before you shift,” I

said.

“I got you,” he said, and his head fell back on the seat, but he kept his hand over mine.

“I want to know what you‟re talking about. About not being treated the same. I mean, are you

saying you want to just be like… my fuck buddy or something? Because fuck, Bella, I can‟t -”

“No! God, no. I love you. You know that.”

“Then what the Hell are you talking about?”

“I just… What Rosalie said to me before -”

“Clutch. And Rosalie talks out of her ass. I never felt the way about Rosalie that I do about you.”

“I meant sex.”

“I fucking knew this was coming. I… Shit, this sucks. Look, I don‟t know why I can‟t make -”

“You don‟t think I‟m… sexy.”

It was quiet for two seconds, and I wanted to die.

Then the car was filled with deep, booming laughter.

He was laughing at me.

I blinked back tears furiously and kept my eyes ahead. Then his laughter cut off abruptly.

“Wait. Are you being serious?” he asked. “God, are you crying?”

“No.”

“Yes, you are. Stop it.”

“Well, excuse me. It‟s a little upsetting to be not sexy and then laughed at,” I snapped.

“You‟re being stupid. I‟ve never seen anything fucking sexier than you… and I‟m internet savvy,”
he grinned, lazy and drunk, and I had to look away before I forgot what I was talking about.

“Look. I know you love me. And I know you think I‟m… cute.”

“You are cute.” He shrugged in agreement, but I didn‟t take it as a compliment.

Puppies and babies are cute.

I wanted to be freaking irresistible to him.

“I just… I… I‟m so embarrassed. Okay. I want you to want me… like you wanted them.”

“Impossible. I never wanted them the way I want you. Clutch.”

I hit the clutch, and he shifted the car, and I tried not to be amazed that he just knew when and

how to do that - how to work this thing - without even looking.

“But why?” I asked.

“Because I love you. I want you so much more and so differently.”

“Let‟s take love out of it. Why don‟t you ever just… need me the way I need you? Rosalie said you
used to…” I swallowed hard and worked up the courage to finish, while he stared at me, smirk in

place, completely amused. “She said you would do other things… Like other than just… soft.”

“Other than just soft? Look, I don‟t know what she told you, and I don‟t want to know. You don‟t

have to worry about any of that, because I would never -”

“I want you to.”

“What?”

“Okay, I love having you inside of me. I love every tiny move your body makes, but how come

you‟re never just overwhelmed by me?”

“Uh… I am. And I try very hard to be… Shit, I don‟t know… Respectful? Okay, you hafta understand

that I‟m still getting used to loving someone, not just fucking someone, so -”

“Why can‟t it be both?”

He paused and stared at me.

“Bella… I hurt you once. That can‟t be right. And I never want that to happen again and -”

“Virgins bleed!” I cut him off, sick of being treated like a child.

“I know that,” Edward said, exasperated. He made a low sound in the back of his throat and let his
knuckles tap on the window. “You‟re not a toy to me or some shit like that. I‟m not gonna use you
like a tool, even though sometimes, I really want to just - The point is, I won‟t use you the way I

used them… Wait. Is this because I can‟t make you come?”

What?

I was confused.

Had he not noticed he was fantastic at that?

My face got hotter, and I glanced over at him.

“You do make me do… that.”

“Yeah, but not with my dick.”

I flinched.

“Sorry, that was blunt. I meant -”

“I guess I never really thought of that…” I said, because I hadn‟t.

“Really? Because that‟s shit‟s been killing me.”

“Wait. What?”

“Sex is… Well, it‟s what I do. I mean, not being able to do that for you, it kind of negates

everything I was sure about… And it‟s driving me crazy.”

“But… I always, er… finish. In case you haven‟t noticed -”

“Believe me, I notice… And I noticed that when we‟re having sex, you don‟t.”

“I‟m… sorry?”

Clearly, he was disappointed in me.

“What the Hell are you sorry for? I mean, it‟s my -”

“In eleventh grade sex ed, we learned not all women can orgasm from penetration,” I blurted out

like a fool, hoping to make him feel better, hoping he didn‟t think I was some kind of frigid freak.

He blinked at me.

“Well… fuck that.”

EPOV

It was probably awkward as Hell the rest of the way back to her house, but I was pretty buzzed,

so… eh…

And right, like she didn‟t realize she never came on my dick.

How could she not notice that?

But Hell, I mean, she got off other ways, and I guess she wasn‟t exactly experienced enough to

know what she was missing… which was good and so fucking sad at the same time.

Bella surprised the shit out of me when she called me out for holding back.

I didn‟t realize she knew. I mean, of course I took it easy with her, because to me, straight up,
hard core fucking was something you did with… Well, not with someone you love.

If I fucked Bella the way I fucked Rosalie and Alice - No.

She didn‟t know what she was asking for.

That‟s just not how you treat someone you love. So then why did I want to do that to her so much?

I shouldn‟t.

Bella was so much better than them, and I just couldn‟t drag her down to that level.

But, dammit, I wanted to, because clearly, I am some kind of sexual deviant.

And it was getting harder and harder to not toss her around. And then something was obvious to

me…

If I‟d been holding back… and she wasn‟t coming…

My dick twitched in my shorts.

Right.

Now I only had to justify what I was about to do.

Easy, I‟m fucking superb with justifying my mistakes.

Okay.

I did love Bella and during and after, I‟d still love her… And Hell, she all but asked for it, and screw

it! I loved her hard. Why couldn‟t I fuck her hard?

That had to be normal, right?

I mean, where the Hell else was all that intense shit supposed to come out on?

But I most definitely had a history of taking every emotion out through sex.

But love and sex definitely went together, that much I knew.

I‟d been so focused on not hurting her again and I was just so fucking determined to have a clear
distinction between Bella and them, that I closed off the possibility that… Well, that I could be like

that with her.

But now I could see it wasn‟t the damn positions that made the distinction between her and them…
It was the feelings I had, so even with the same exact acts, it would never really be the same…

Because it was Bella and it was love, not a deal or a weekly commitment or a stress reliever…

Done.

Justified.

I am a clever, selfish bastard.

Charlie‟s car wasn‟t in the drive.

Well, good.

If she screamed in pleasure or pain, at least daddy wouldn‟t hear it.

Pain.

If I hurt her, she better fucking tell me, because I couldn‟t go through that shit again, and neither
could she.

Bella parked the car and handed me my keys.

“Coming in?” she asked.

“Yep.”

I followed Bella up the stairs, and she was still all quiet.

I grabbed my hat from her doorknob and swung it around on my finger, while she went to her

dresser to get my sweatshirt, her pajamas.

“Will you fucking say something?” I asked.

She slid her jeans down and stepped out of them, keeping her back to me.

“I feel… inadequate,” she said.

“Why?”

“Because! You won‟t even touch me without worrying about breaking me, and, God, now I can‟t
even blame you for not thinking I‟m sexy, because it turns out I‟m not even doing what I‟m

supposed to be doing during sex!” she shouted and slammed the drawer shut.

“That‟s ass backwards, Bella. I‟m the one who can‟t make you - This is stupid,” I said, cutting

myself off.

She was being fucking ridiculous with this „I‟m not sexy‟ and „why can‟t I come for you‟ shit.

Her weight shifted from leg to leg, and her tiny, little shoulders sagged, and I just wanted to fix all

of it.

I tossed the hat behind my shoulder and walked to her, until I stood just behind her.

Instant hard on.

“Do you feel that?” I asked and I knew she could.

She nodded.

“How could you ever think that I don‟t think you‟re sexy?”

Her breathing kind of started going faster, but she didn‟t say anything.

“Lift up your arms,” I said, and she did.

I lifted her shirt up and over her head, and tossed it over her head and onto the dresser.

I put a finger under her bra strap and pulled her back, harder into me.

“I love you,” I said into her ear, so she would know that, so hopefully, it would stick in her mind
for the next fifteen minutes… Or more like ten minutes, because I haven‟t fucked hard in forever…
Or more like seven minutes, because I‟d never fucked Bella hard - the way I wanted to - so this

shit wasn‟t gonna last long.

At least I had whiskey on my side.

She let her head fall back on my shoulder, and her eyes were closed, and her lips were kind of
puffier than usual, because she‟d been crying and yelling, but now she was kind of smiling, and I

just had to have her.

I didn‟t bother taking the bra off, I just yanked that fucker down, until her tits popped out. Then I
ran my palm along both of her nipples, and her mouth opened, and a ragged, sharp breath sucked

in.

I bent my head to lick her lip and let my free hand drop down her stomach and into her underwear.

I slid one finger up her slit, parting her lips, and she was already sloppy, fucking well wet.

My dick jerked, and it was starting to actually fucking ache, and I couldn‟t wait any more.

I pulled my hand out of her underwear, and she looked all pissed about that, and I had to smile.
Then she started wiggling her ass around, grinding into me, but not hard enough, like she was

nervous or something, so then I knew I was gonna just… take over.

“Put your hands on the dresser,” I said, patting her side.

She did, and I dug in my back jeans‟ pocket for a condom.

I dropped some change, my keys and a lighter on the ground, but held on to the condom.

I unbuckled my belt and undid the button, and my pants and shorts fell to my ankles.

My dick sprang up instantly, fucking painfully solid against my stomach.

I started to roll the condom on and I kept my eyes on her ass and noticed a wet spot through the

cotton over her pussy.

Beautiful.

I used both hands to yank her underwear down to her knees, then let my hands grab her bare ass,
and she was… like, trembling.

“Bella? Okay?”

“God… yes…”

“Spread your legs more, baby,” I said, tapping her inner thigh.

She did, and I let my hand drag down her back, then grab her hip.

My cock pressed at her, and her shoulders tensed, and her breathing stopped.

I pushed in slowly, and my hands clenched tighter, because I couldn‟t hold this for long. Then she

fucking backed up and slammed into me, making this gorgeous sound when she took in all of me.

Oh.

Okay.

I pushed back into her and held her hips, and she was so… wet… warm… and tight – the best.

I held still for a half a second, kind of fighting this sick, insane need to just… pound.

Then I couldn‟t fight it.

The dresser banged against the wall repeatedly, and I could recognize my fucking rhythm from

anywhere.

It sounded better than fucking Keith Moon on the drums, because it was punctuated with these
grunts and short, little shrieks Bella kept making, and I wasn‟t worried about tearing her up…

Because she was fucking loving it.

Bella.

Bella.

Bella.

It rang in my ears and pounded in my cock and finally choked out through my lips.

Her elbows started to shake and bow on the dresser, so I put my arm under her stomach and held

her up, so I could keep fucking.

“Oh, God… Oh, God…” she said, all panicked and out of breath.

Yes.

Say it.

Do it.

Come.

“It‟s… it‟s… happening…”

Then she didn‟t need to say it, because her pussy clamped like a hot vice around my dick, and her
back did this sexy ass arch thing. Her head flung back, and everything was shaking… and making
her come was the fucking highlight of my life.

I slammed into her two more times, fierce with my own come, which almost topped the high I got
from Bella‟s.

Once I shot out everything I had, I slowed down and just kind of eased in and out of her.

Her forearms had collapsed on the dresser, and her head was down on them.

I let go of her hips and rocked in her a few more times, while I brushed the sweaty hair out of my

eyes. Then I slid out.

I didn‟t want to, but I didn‟t want to test the condom‟s ability to hold spunk either.

I took it off and looked up, and she hadn‟t moved an inch, but her shoulders were trembling and -

Fuck no.

I scared the piss out of her.

Or I hurt her.

“Bella, baby?” I asked, putting an arm under her to get her upright.

I turned her to me and wiped some hair from her face… She was laughing.

Her arms wrapped around my neck too quickly, and I stumbled forward, and her back would‟ve hit

the dresser, but I put my hands out and caught us.

She didn‟t let go of me, and the stumble only made her laugh more.

“I love you,” she said in between these fucking ridiculous, loud giggles. “That was… I just… Oh, my

God! I mean, that you can do that… Wow,” she said, kissing up and down my neck.

“That,” I said, relieved and so hard in love with this silly girl, “is what I do.”

Chapter 18.

Two Months Later

EPOV

“Name all the male reproductive organs. Please?” Bella was pleading.

“Dick,” I said, not bothering to open my eyes.

“Ha. Seriously. List them.”

“Look that shit up. I‟m not helping.”

And I wouldn‟t.

She blew the last biology test; she had to score big on the final.

I got Carlisle to write a letter of recommendation and a check, and they let her in, but they‟d drop

her quickly if she fucked up.

Of course I knew the answers and of course I‟d do good on the final, but doing her homework only
made her half ass more and not learn a damn thing, and I couldn‟t get caught cheating on the

final.

The problem was, Bella was easily distracted.

Bella was always up on my jock, because… Well, Bella liked to get her fuck on, which was golden,

but if we wanted to keep it up, her ass had to get to Dartmouth.

I, on the other hand, could fuck all day and not study at all and still ace the final - I‟m a natural at

both.

“Wake up and help me,” Bella said, tossing the book to the foot of my bed.

“No.”

She climbed on top of me and straddled me.

“Well, then let‟s do this instead.”

Easily distracted.

My eyebrows raised, and my hands went up her shirt.

Okay, I‟d help with the homework later.

Just when I worked my fucking fingers under her bra, my bedroom door opened, and Jasper

walked in.

“It smells like stale sex in here,” he announced. “Open a fucking window.”

Bella got all red, and she flopped forward on me to hide her face.

“Get out,” I told Jasper.

“Relax, porn star, I‟ll be gone in a minute. I need a jacket. Like a suit jacket. Gimme one.”

I leaned up on my elbows, and Bella stayed fetal on my chest.

Jasper looked pissed.

He was in the same pair of faded jeans he‟d been wearing since fucking tenth grade, which
incidently was the last time he washed them and he had an Unwritten Law t-shirt on and an untied

tie around his neck.

“Laserlight shows don‟t generally require a jacket and tie,” I said.

“Fuck off. I have a date. Get me the jacket.”

The word „date‟ caught Bella‟s attention, and she sat up on my lap.

“A date?”

“Yeah, and I‟m not exactly singing from the treetops about it,” Jasper said, opening my closet.

“You love Alice,” Bella said.

“On the contrary, I‟m ready to kill Alice. Don‟t you have any white?”

“No, Don Johnson, I don‟t,” I said.

“Why are you mad at Alice?” Bella asked.

“I‟m mad at everyone. I haven‟t gotten laid in… too fucking long and I‟m pissed at the world.”

“Oh. So you guys are…” Bella was trying to fish for information.

I‟d stayed the fuck out of their pact business ever since that football game.

Not my business anymore.

“On the Alice Brandon Recovery Program.”

“What?”

Jasper shoved some clothes aside and dug further back in my closet.

“Fucking sex rehab or some shit. I don‟t know. After your purity speech in the bathroom, Alice
wanted out. Thank you very much for that, by the way.” Jasper looked over his shoulder and
sneered at Bella. “Then, like the bitch I am, I‟m all missing Alice being around, which shocked the
Hell out of me, because… Whatever, she‟s just Alice. Anyway, I go to Alice and say „come back‟.
And she says „stop fucking Rosalie‟, which was fine, because Rose was being all bitchy, and Alice
was always a better lay anyway. So, I‟m all about a two person fuck buddy arrangement… I mean,
I‟ve matured, and that seemed a lot more conventional. Rosalie eventually picked up what I was

putting down, which was pretty much „don‟t touch me‟, and then -”

“Wait. You stopped sleeping with Rosalie?” Bella asked.

“Listen up, sister. I just said I haven‟t gotten laid in forever. I haven‟t put out for Rose in… Shit,

since before that drama football game.”

“But Alice -”

“Fucking Alice decides she wants normalcy. She decides she wants all that shit she says she missed
out on, so then Alice… cut. Me. Off.”

I couldn‟t help it. I laughed.

Only this motherfucker could get caught dry in the middle of a sex pact.

“Fuck you,” Jasper said, pulling a jacket out. “She wants me to date her and buy her flowers and

shit, and because I‟m a fool, I‟m doing it.”

“Well, she‟s worth it,” Bella said, all happy and excited.

“Alice is a good girl,” Jasper said, and I noticed I never heard him say her name quite like that

before.

Shoot, I didn‟t see this coming at all.

And I really didn‟t think I gave a fuck anymore, but out of nowhere, I was… relieved?

Alice would be fine. Jasper would clean up all the mess I helped make in her.

“Where are you going? Why the jacket?” Bella asked.

“To eat or something… I‟m just hoping the ensemble gets me laid,” Jasper said, shrugging into my

jacket. “How long do chicks normally hold out for?”

“I have no idea,” Bella said.

I shrugged and lay back down and took Bella with me.

“Quit making me horny,” Jasper said, eyeing Bella on top of me. “Okay, do I look charming enough

to get some ass?”

“Yeah,” Bella said.

“Good. USC comes to Emmett‟s tomorrow with the big Letter of Intent. We‟re gonna have some
cocktails to celebrate. You guys should come.”

“Okay,” Bella said.

“Okay. I‟m out. Dude, Esme looks great by the way,” he said, gesturing to his chest.

“Get out and keep your hands off my mom.”

“Eyes only, bitch,” Jasper said and walked out.

-

“You‟re free to go as soon as you‟re done, people. As always, no talking, no wandering eyes…”

Banner kept yapping, and I wished he‟d just shut up. We all knew the routine.

No talking, no wandering eyes, no books, no notes, no pills, no jacking off and no fun.

Rosalie walked in in the middle of Banner‟s speech.

“Miss Hale, you can‟t -”

“Doctor‟s note,” she said and tossed a scrap of paper on his desk.

She looked beyond pissed, but not at me, so I didn‟t care.

“Wait for me,” Bella said under her breath, because I‟d finish first.

I nodded once at her and grabbed the pencil from behind my ear.

Fucking cake.

I was done and glanced over at Bella. She still had more than half way to go.

That sucked.

I broke rule number two and let my eyes wander.

Up her legs.

Her back.

Then I wanted to tell her to lean back, so I could get a good look at what else she had, but I

couldn‟t, because breaking the no talking rule would get me an automatic fail.

I tapped my pencil on my desk.

Bella looked up, all annoyed, and I stopped.

Then I stopped looking at her altogether, because I was hard, just staring at her like that.

Rosalie was directly in front of me.

Her ass was spreading.

Apparently, sexual frustration made her be a bitch and eat.

Banner started looking at me all authoritative and shifty, so I got up and turned my shit in right on
top of Rosalie‟s doctors note.

The fucking letterhead had „OB/GYN‟ printed on the top.

And her ass was spreading.

Rosalie‟s ass didn’t get fat. She hadn‟t fluctuated at all in three years - I knew her body like I knew

my own.

“Is there a problem, Mr. Cullen?”

Hopefully not mine.

“Nope,” I said and walked out without even seeing a damn thing.

I tried to do the math in my head, but that shit was pointless, because I didn‟t know how pregnant
she was. I didn‟t even know if she was pregnant at all.

My fists fucking balled up so tight, it hurt. If I got burned by that shit now, after all this time - fuck
that.

I leaned against the wall outside of the door and waited.

I hoped Rosalie walked out before Bella, because if Bella came out first, I‟d be an asshole about

this and take her hand and run.

People started to come out, and I just… waited.

Finally, Rosalie came out, and I yanked her arm and pulled her against the wall with me.

She leaned her head back and looked straight ahead.

“You‟ve always been too perceptive. Asshole.”

“Is it mine?”

Her eyes closed, and her chin jutted out, and I wanted to hug her and hit her at the same time.

“Don‟t worry. You can go on with your perfect life and your perfect future with your perfect

girlfriend. I‟m five weeks pregnant. It‟s not yours.”

A roll of adrenaline passed through me, and I smiled, because she was right.

Everything for me was still perfect.

“You all right?” I asked, because, God, I had to.

“Do you care?”

“Yep,” I said and I was surprised it was the truth.

“I‟m fine,” she lied, and I knew that, because I could still read her like a fucking picture book.

“Does Emmett know?”

“No.”

“He signs tonight.”

“I know that.”

And I didn‟t have any damn sage like advice to give her, so I hugged her instead.

She let go first and without saying another damn word, she walked away, and my chest actually
hurt for her, because it just didn‟t seem fair that only one or two of us should have to pay the price

for this.

I mean, wasn‟t I indirectly responsible for this too?

Bella walked out after I don‟t know how long.

“Hey… How‟d ya do?” I asked.

“What‟s wrong?”

Bella was the only person in the world who could see straight fucking through me.

“Rosalie‟s knocked up.”

Her shoulders caved, and her face went white.

“Not mine,” I said and I couldn‟t even really look at Bella, because just the fact that I had to say

that… that I had to clarify… That shit‟s shameful.

“Emmett…?”

I nodded and couldn‟t really even bring myself to think of that poor bastard.

-

“You should go see him,” Bella said for like, the ninth time. It was getting annoying. “I‟ll wait up for
you.”

I put her pillow over my head.

What the fuck would I say to Emmett?

Thanks for taking the bullet?

Sorry I helped you have the fun, but you got the burn?

Bella picked up the pillow and got in my face.

“Go.”

“I‟m going. And chill out with that already.”

She tossed my shirt on my chest.

I got up, got dressed and went to Emmett‟s, and all the way there I felt like an asshole. If I were

him, I‟d punch me square in the fucking face.

I walked into his house. It was late - he was the only one there, sitting on the couch, drunk and

alone.

The USC Letter of Intent was on the coffee table in front of him, unsigned and wasted.

Emmett looked like shit, all puffy eyed and pissed off.

“I hope you‟re here to give me my last rites,” he said, staring at the fucking piece of paper on the

table.

“Em…”

“It could‟ve been you,” he said, closing his eyes and leaning back.

“I know.”

It was quiet, and I wanted to get the Hell out of there, but fuck, I couldn‟t just leave him.

I sat down, and he just didn‟t even move at all.

“What the Hell happened?” I asked, because I needed to know why it wasn‟t me.

“I don‟t know… Yes, I do. We just… Everyone else split off, and it was just me and her, and we got
sloppy. No condoms, and fuck, with no schedule, it was free for all or some shit like that… And you
know what the biggest kick in the balls is? I was so fucking careful for three years. I put everything
into playing ball - my fucking life depended on it. You know I didn‟t even kiss during football
season? I didn‟t want to get sick and play shitty. The funny thing is, I never got sick… I never
caught a fucking cold and somehow, I manage to catch a fucking kid! God, all I wanted, all I ever
fucking asked for was to get the fuck out of Forks. Why was that too much? I busted my ass for it.

I deserve it.”

“You could still go,” I said, leaning up to grab the letter and trying not to think of Rosalie. “Sign it.”

“She wants to stay here, around her mom and shit.”

“You could still go.”

Emmett snapped his head in my direction and smiled at me like I was five years old.

“And do what? Leave her here? I can‟t do that. Everyone else already left her. Besides, it‟s mine. “

“What are you gonna do?”

“Work for my dad, go to school, try not to kill myself.”

I dropped the letter and leaned back on the couch, and Emmett sat up straight and ran his hand

down his face.

“I can‟t believe all that fucking time - all those fucking plans… That shit was gonna be my life…
God, I just - I was so sure of everything. I don‟t fucking belong in Forks and now I‟m never getting

the Hell out.”

I could‟ve given a fake ass pep talk, but I didn‟t say shit, because he was probably right.

He‟d work like his old man and eventually marry Rosalie, and Hell, they‟d be here.

“We never had it right,” Emmett said. “We thought it was so smart and all figured out. I really
thought that was the way to stay on track. I really did. I thought if I didn‟t worry about chicks and

drama… if I had easy sex… my plans would stay on track. We never had it right.”

“Nope,” I agreed.

“Do you regret it?”

I wished I was one of those assholes who spouts shit about no regrets… but those people are liars.

“Every motherfucking day,” I said.

“Me too.”

Three Months Later

“What the fuck are you gonna do with this?” I asked, kicking a tire on Jasper‟s newly acquired

mircrobus.

“We‟re gonna tour the deep south, listen to good music and make love. What the Hell else do you

do with a microbus?” Jasper asked.

I looked at Alice.

“Only for three months. Then we go back to real life,” she said.

“We‟ll see,” Jasper said, patting her head.

Emmett loosened his tie and leaned against the bus.

“Where‟s your lady?” he asked.

“Saying bye to her dad… still,” I said and leaned against Jasper‟s new pile of shit.

Alice went to my side, and Jasper put an arm around her waist.

“I can‟t believe you‟re going to live on this thing,” Rosalie said from Emmett‟s other side.

Alice shrugged and tried to hide her fear.

Jasper stayed dry for three months, she was going to live on a microbus for three months.

“Bella will be here any second, so… You guys be all right, okay?” I said, nudging Emmett with my

shoulder.

“We‟ll be all right. Won‟t we, kid? Kid?” he asked, yanking on the ends of Rosalie‟s hair.

“Yeah,” she said, not really looking up.

Bella pulled up in my car, fucking smooth and easy because she learned how to drive that shit as
good as me.

Bella got out and went down the line of us, hugging them and stopping to kiss me, then continuing

on to Emmett.

She said goodbye all sad and shit, then tossed me my keys, before she hopped back into the

passenger‟s side of the car.

Alice jumped on me, and I caught her.

“I love you,” she said, so simple and clear it made me miss her, even though she was right fucking

in front of me.

“You too,” I said, then peeled her off of me and gave her back to Jasper - where she belonged.

I tugged on Rosalie‟s arm, until she put both arms around my neck, and I didn‟t feel her tits on my

chest… I felt Emmett‟s kid against my stomach.

I kissed the top of her head, and we didn‟t say anything, but I hoped to God she knew I needed

her to be okay.

I nodded to Emmett and Jasper, then turned to go.

And as I walked to Bella, I looked over my shoulder one last time at that fucking motley crew that

none of us really fit in anymore.

They were there, lined up against the bus, lost and found and figuring shit out, and my eyes

focused on the gap between Emmett and Alice - the spot I had just escaped from.

Then I turned back to my future and officially said goodbye to those kids, to the teenage angst

brigade.

Epilogue

I kicked ass at Dartmouth, but that wasn‟t a fucking surprise.

Now I‟m kicking ass through med school.

My girl is doing freaking amazing with this writing thing that I had serious doubts about… But she‟s

usually right, so that shouldn‟t have surprised me either.

I go to school during the day, and she goes to work, and we spend most nights talking or fucking
or sleeping. And I am still so fuckhard in love with this ridiculous girl that sometimes, I swear to
God, she was made just for me. And she must have been, because things could have - would have
- gone so differently for me if that ridiculous, self-righteous girl didn‟t show up in the middle of my

life to save me from myself.

We hadn‟t heard from Jasper and Alice in years, but the last we did hear, Alice was selling
handmade clothes and shit out of the microbus, and she and Jasper were still in the south,
listening to good music and making love.

Emmett and Rosalie had a boy and then, a few years later, another one. Sometimes, Esme will call
and ramble about seeing them around, but every time the fucking phone rings, I hope it‟s Esme
calling to report that Emmett and Rosalie moved the fuck out of Forks… Because maybe then I
could let this shit go… But that phone call hasn‟t happened, and I‟m not stupid enough to actually

believe it ever will.

It could‟ve been me. Hell, maybe it should‟ve been me…

It was pretty much luck of the draw - fucking sex roulette - because we were fools to think we‟d all

make it out.

There‟s guilt and regret and a whole shitload of heavy stuff that I can‟t shake about Emmett and

Rose and… all of it - the whole shitty business of youth.

But that‟s the thing about youth - it‟s messy and fucked up, and whiskey and crass, sex and regret
and fear and music and dangerous and red converse and love and hurt and beautiful and
confusing… And just like the five of us, all anyone is trying to do is find a way out. And fuck you if

you think yours was any different.

Outtake 1.

This takes place somewhere after chapter 17, but Edward and Bella are still in high

school.

EPOV

Fucking gym.

I hadn't participated in gym class since the third day of freshman year, because who the Hell wants

to get all sweaty and worked up in a musty ass, old gym in the middle of the damn day?

Plus, the idea of high-fiving Mike Newton or passing a ball to Tyler Crowley in a show of team

camaraderie was just fucking silly… and calisthenics?

Psssh.

Like I'm 'bout to take orders from a bitter coach-slash-math teacher with a God complex.

I'm too busy for that shit.

I hadn't even entered the Forks gymnasium since sophomore year, when it was decided we were

all wasting our time having me there.

I had Carlisle write me an excuse-my-son-for-being-too-damn-special-for-this note, in which he

blathered some bullshit about non-existent asthma, and that was that.

Until it occurred to me, while walking to Bella to gym class one day, that I was assigned to this
same gym period - I just spent it in the library or at Emmett's house or at the movies or Record
Town or napping. At any rate, it was then I first expressed an interest in resuming gym class, but
she insisted I don't come in, because apparently, Bella in gym was embarrassing.

Naturally, this piqued my interest even more, so I figured I'd just spy, get a good laugh, and she'd
never know the difference.

Then, when Jasper inquired about a smoke lunch in the Volvo during gym, I told him I'd be busy
spying on Bella during that time… And then Jasper smiled like the pervert he is.

"What?" I asked.

"I meant to thank you for that."

"For what?"

"For not being a jealous boyfriend and ruining everyone else's good time. P.Y.T. doesn't own a

sports bra."

And I was going to gym.

And I was going to make my presence known.

"But… you never go to gym," Bella said, when on the way to gym. "Have you ever even been in the
building?"

"Of course."

"Look. Please don't. It's awful. I fall and I get hit with balls and -”

I was laughing already.

"Whatever. Where are you going? The boys‟ locker room is that way," Bella said.

"Psh. I'm not actually going to participate," I said.

Did she really not know me at all?

"Okay," Bella sighed, and I watched her ass sway when she walked to the girls‟ locker room and

kicked the door open.

Fuck.

It was muggy and smelled like hormones up in the gym.

I took the bleachers two at a time, until I found a comfy spot on the top one, then snaked the

wires of my iPod up through my maroon, hooded sweatshirt.

This wouldn't be so bad.

"Cullen!" a voice bellowed over my Nirvana, and I immediately recognized the voice of the ever-

bloated Coach Molino.

"Molino. Football team looks superb this year. Keep up the nice work," I called back down, then

gave him a nod of dismissal.

"Cullen, what the Hell are you doing here?"

"I'm in this class."

"Then get dressed."

Ha.

Hahawhaahahhaaa.

Heh.

"I have a note," I said.

"That note expired three years ago. Dressed. Now. You have five minutes."

I sighed and riffled through my backpack, which was filled only with Dr. Carlisle excuse notes and a

pad of signed Dr. Carlisle scrip sheets.

Let's see… Edward can't type because he has carpal tunnel - that wouldn't work. Edward must
leave early for an appointment - wouldn't work. OrthoTriciclyn prescription for „I'm Afraid to go to
The Free Clinic Bella‟ - wouldn‟t work. Edward has glaucoma and has every right to have marijuana

on his person - wouldn‟t work…

"Forget it, Cullen. I'm sure your father has it covered," Molino sighed, just as I found the right note

and tossed it down to him.

It sailed like a pretty butterfly 'til it reached his feet.

He swore when he had to bend down to get it.

I grinned and turned my music back up, just in time to see the entire class file in, all wearing their
official red and white school colors uniforms.

Fools.

Except for - What the fuck was this?

When did the uniforms change? What happened to knee-length shorts for the chicks? And since

when did we allow T-Back tank tops?

I found her without a problem; my girl has better tits than anyone else in this school.

Better.

Best.

She looked up at me, and I smiled and waved my fingers, and she was already embarrassed, and
who the fuck allowed these new uniforms to be regulation?

And why was Bella the only girl in class to never hear of a sports bra?

I mentally chucked our plans for the video store after school and replaced them with a trip to

Newton's Sporting Goods.

And then the sit-ups started, which was nice, because her arms were crossed over her chest, and

being at the top of the bleachers, I was the only one with a decent view.

Lauren Mallory needs to shave her legs.

I should start Bella's Bio homework, so I don't have to do it when we get home.

Embry Call sweats like a whore working overtime.

Kurt was right, it sure does smell like teen spirit in here.

This is boring. I should just -

Then the jumping jacks started with one shrill blow of the whistle.

I'd never seen such an uncoordinated, out-of-shape mess in my life. Sixty arms, flailing and huffing

a two-count not in unison… This shit was just funny.

Bella was watching me and sneering, probably because I was laughing.

Her cheeks were all red, and these tiny, little curls were sticking to her face, and her pony tail

bounced with each sloppy hop… and everything else was bouncing too.

Up.

Down.

Up.

Down.

I was staring.

Of course I was staring.

Then I noticed Eric Yorkie - who I thought would be benign, because he's asexual or what not - was

staring too.

Well.

That was just rude. I mean, Bella had my loyalty and my dick and my shameful shit and my future
and everything I've ever done right or wrong all wrapped up and tied down in her smile, so I was

allowed to look. She owned me.

But Yorkie… Fucking - He just… He had no right at all.

He was just looking for spank material, and Bella wasn't spank material - that's what Jessica

Stanley and Hustler are for.

For about point-two seconds, Yorkie stared, Bella bounced, and I glared.

Then I couldn't help it.

"Eyes straight ahead, Yorkie," I shouted from my post.

Bella turned the color of… Well, something very red, and Yorkie snapped his eyes straight ahead,
and Butkus-That-Never-Was took issue with me.

"If you want to participate, you're more than welcome to join us, Cullen. If not, shut up."

"The kid is participating in foreplay in the middle of -”

"Shut it, Cullen. Eyes to the wall, Yorkie."

Ridiculous snorting and laughing echoed in the gym, and I shrugged when Bella looked like she was

planning my demise.

Whatever.

She'd get over it.

I smiled and waved again.

She mouthed what looked like "Fuck you".

It was adorable, and I grinned back and winked.

The whistle blew, and the Coach called for lunges.

Hell, no.

No.

This just will not do at all.

I yanked the ear buds out of my ears and pulled the hood of my sweatshirt down. I sifted through

my backpack and found a decent Bella excuse note.

"Molino," I called, making my way down the bleachers.

"Now what, Cullen?"

"Bella can't do lunges."

"Swan, get over here," the coach called dully, staring at me.

Bella looked curiously and jogged over, and freaking everyone was watching, and I wanted to tell

her to walk – slowly - with her arms over her chest.

"Dr. Cullen here says you can't do lunges…”

"She can't. And it will be at least six more years before I earn the title Doctor, so let's not insult the

profession, Coach."

"Do you have a note, Swan?" Coach sighed, tired of dealing with me altogether, which was just

ridiculous, as we've had nearly three years apart.

"Uh… Yes?" Bella asked, looking right at me.

"Here," I said, holding the note under his nose, but he didn't even look at it; he just grabbed it and
stuffed it in his polyester pocket.

"Sit. Quiet. No more interruptions, or you're outta here, Cullen."

"Yes, Sir," I grinned and sat back down on the bleachers.

Bella came and sat two steps below me, between my legs.

"What was that about?" she asked without turning around.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to do lunges?"

"No… but what was with the Yorkie thing?"

"He was watching your tits bounce. They look great, by the way, but I didn't like it," I said, patting

the top of her head and fully expecting some kind of feminist tirade.

"Oh," she said.

"Don't be mad."

"I'm not. I do the same thing."

"What?"

"The other day, when you asked me to put your sweatshirt in my backpack, and I told you that I
didn't have enough room, to just tie it around your waist - that was a lie." She shrugged.

"Really? Why?"

"Because Leah Clearwater was walking right behind us, and two weeks ago I heard her tell Angela

she thinks you have a nice ass. I didn't want her checking it out," Bella said matter-of-factly.

"Hmm."

"We're weird, aren't we?" Bella asked.

"Yes. No. It's not jealousy or anything. It's just… Why should anyone else get to see? Now that I
don't share anymore, I rather like not sharing."

"Me too," Bella said, leaning back and messing with the laces on my shoes.

The Coach blew the whistle again and demanded balls from the storage closet.

"Thank God you're here. Basketball is horrible for me," Bella sighed, while I picked at a tangle in

her pony tail. "Stop it. That hurts." She slapped blindly at my hands.

"I'm bored."

"You could participate."

"But then someone might see my perfect ass. Look at Leah staring at me. She wants it."

"I know," Bella said flatly.

"Hey, come on," I said, standing up.

"Where? I can‟t leave -”

"We're not leaving. Come on."

She sighed and got up and followed me down the bleachers.

I took a quick look at Butkus, who was busy dodging basketballs and barking orders. Everyone else

was a chaotic mess of shit-talking and free-throwing…

I slipped us underneath the bleachers.

The graffiti and gum wads were plentiful, but fuck it. We were alone… kind of.

"'Liz is a whore'." Bella squinted and read what was etched in the back of the bleachers.

"'Caitlin sux cock'," I read. "Ooh. And „Jess and Kris are lez'."

"'Amelia n Jake forever'."

"'Amelia fucked Matthew'."

"I guess that was the end of Amelia and Jake," Bella giggled.

"I guess," I sighed, reaching up to grab the beams supporting the bleachers. I pulled myself up,

then lowered down.

"I can't do chin-ups," Bella said, watching. "How many can you do?"

"Dunno."

"I'll count."

When I got to sixteen, Bella got bored.

"You didn't bring me under here to do chin-ups," she said, and her finger poked at the exposed
skin just above the button of my pants, while I was still hanging mid-air.

"Nope," I said, letting my feet touch the ground.

She put her arms around my waist, and I gripped the beam above me tighter.

This was going to end very well.

I bent my head to kiss her, and she immediately just pulled out all the stops, pushing unsportsbra-

ed boobs on me and using her tongue more than anyone should ever use a tongue in school.

I liked it.

"Only fifteen minutes left of class," she said, pulling back and talking into my shirt. "We have to be

fast."

Then her fingers started yanking on my pants.

I grabbed her wrist, because – Wait, this couldn't be okay.

"What are you doing?" I laughed.

"I want to. I want to now."

Jesus.

We were in the middle of gym class for Christ‟s sakes.

I only intended on some feeling up and, at the very most, some hand banging action. You know, I
only wanted something to survive English Lit. and History - just something to break up the

monotony of the day.

She continued to yank on my drawers despite the fact that I was still holding her wrist and

laughing.

"Bella."

She looked up with those big, round, dark eyes.

Bella used to be so innocent, until what we now lovingly refer to as „dresser sex‟ happened. Ever

since then, she's just been… Well, like this… which I fucking loved.

But.

It's one thing to bang hard and quiet at daddy‟s house, while he's snoring one door down, or to

leave a stain on Esme‟s bedspread, but this?

Public?

Where anyone could just see her?

No. Hell, no. Not just anyone is allowed to hear those fucking supreme noises or see her flushed,

swollen, post-Edward face.

Only me.

But by the time I reconciled myself to the fact that I was going to turn sex down, she worked her
hand into my pants.

What have I done to this once innocent, sweet girl?

Shame on me.

But mostly shame on her, because this shit was just outta control.

"Touch me. Why aren't you touching me?" she whined, and then, of course, I was fucking touching

her.

"Much better," she giggled at the side of my neck, when I had both tits palmed.

"Best," I mumbled back.

"Mm."

"We can't really do this…”

"Yeah. Now I need to. Get something," she rasped, but she was already digging through the back

pocket of my jeans.

"I don't have one."

She groaned at me and looked up, annoyed.

"Why would I have a condom in my pocket at school? We'll be home in three -”

"You should," she said.

"Um… We wouldn't even be having this conversation if you would have just gone to the fucking

free pill place like you were supposed to," I said, my lips pressing and moving against her neck.

She tugged on my hair and let her head toss back.

"You… were… supposed to… get your dad to… write a… prescription," she panted.

"I did," I said in between wet kisses on her collarbone.

"Really? Why didn't… you fill it?" she asked, her hand sliding back down my pants, and this time,

she didn't mess around.

She just grabbed me and jacked.

"Ahh… Fuck. What?"

"Why didn't you fill it?"

"I buy condoms. Grab tighter. You duck out of free pill place appointments… God, that feels good…

I get my dad to write a damn birth control prescription, the least you can do is fill it."

"Please?" she whispered, and her other hand slipped in and cupped my sac.

She had me by the balls… quite literally.

But come on, she had to take some kind of sex responsibility.

I can't be doing her homework and her gynecological shit too.

"No… Hell, no… Do you have any idea… what would happen to me… if I walked into the only
pharmacy… in Forks… with a birth control script… for the police Chief's kid?"

"Wouldn't be good," she sighed, putting both hands on my shaft, and just… yes.

"Five minutes 'til shower!" Butkus echoed from the gym floor, and Bella's hands tightened and

started working faster.

I grabbed onto her bare inner thigh, suddenly okay with the new gym uniforms, then I let my

fingers snake inside.

What do we have today?

Cotton?

Some kind of silky shit?

Maybe a -

Holy shit.

We have commando.

A deep noise came out between my teeth; she was smooth and wet, and thank God she didn't do

the lunges.

"You're not -” I started to ask, and she kept jerking at me, but put her face into my chest.

"I just thought… if you were sitting in on gym today, that maybe… this would happen… and

maybe… underwear would be a waste of time…"

Gahung.

"I love you."

"Two minutes, people!"

"God… make me," she said, and I did what I know how to do better than anyone else in the world -

fast and frantic and manic.

There was yanking and pulling and two small bites and one unfortunate scratch to the groin and
whispering, but neither of us actually said anything, and I had a small debate over whether or not I

should come.

I had to weigh out the pros and cons of blue balls versus sticky cum drawers for the next three

hours.

Two fingers felt Bella start rocking in her cum rhythm, and I decided to go with the blue balls.

It was only three more hours, and Hell, just watching her get off was better than getting it myself.

She came, wiggling and tightening and jiggling and doing all of the signature Bella things that
make me want to kiss her and have babies with her, and she never once took her hands off of me,

which was sweet, considering -

"Give it up, Edward," she panted, running her palm along the head of my dick.

My eyes widened, and I was going to laugh, because pssssh… It would take more than a two
minute hand job to finish me off, and she was funny with that demanding, little mouth. But then

she kept going…

"Come on, Edward. Give it," she said, her eyes narrowing and her hair a little sweaty, and oh.

"Bella… I don't think I… Oh, shit… tighter… Now, faster…"

Three heavy breaths and a fuckwet kiss later it turned out I could most definitely come via a two

minute hand job.

Dammit.

"Hit the showers," the Coach boomed, his faux authoritative voice making me officially limp and

done.

Bella pulled her hands outta my pants, then licked the soft space between her thumb and

forefinger, where it was sticky and white.

I replaced her hand with mine to get shit tucked away, and Bella adjusted her gym shorts.

I kissed somewhere on her face a few times, while buttoning my jeans back up, and she was

struggling with her sloppy ponytail.

"I gotta hit the bathroom," I said, holding my shirt away from my skin, trying in vain to not make a

bigger nasty ass mess inside there than necessary.

Motherfucker.

I hate handjob sticky stomach.

"Go," Bella said, still messing with her hair.

I couldn't not, so I reached out and gave it a quick, messy ruffle, avoided her weak punch and

ducked out of the bleachers, wondering why the Hell I'd been avoiding gym.

Gym is great.