Shine a Light

HINE

A L

IGHT

…Shane smoothed the lapel of my jacket, although it didn’t need

it. This might be as close as I ever got to him again. God help me, but I
couldn’t walk away without touching him one more time. I grasped his
hips and pulled him, unresisting, to me.

His arms snaked up around my neck, holding me with his fierce,

young strength. We pressed together, chest-to-chest and thigh-to-thigh.
I breathed in his scent and kissed his hair, committing the feel of him
to memory, then I gently pulled away.

His hands came to rest on my shoulders. “How are you getting to

the airport?”

“I cut a deal with a kid who works at the resort.”
Shane accepted that, nodding, his gaze somewhere past me. I was

poignantly reminded of his youth. Would he listen to my advice?

“Shane, if you have any doubts about Doug, do yourself and him a

favor, and end it. I didn’t do that with Lynn and I paid a high price for
it.”

“It’s not like that, man! I told you. I don’t sleep with him any

more. That’s in the past. We’re just friends now.”

“Lots of things are in the past,” I told him as gently as I could. It

was all over him that he wanted to argue with me, but his shoulders
slumped, and his eyes had a vacant look to them. It took every ounce
of willpower I possessed not to touch him again.

“Shane, what’s really wrong?”
“Nothing. You don’t want anything to do with me. Well, okay, I’ll

get over it.” With that, he turned and walked away, his long strides
quickly putting a lot of distance between us.

I watched him go with a sinking feeling in my gut. I’d bungled

that, and badly…

LSO

KC K

ENDRICKS

At The Southern Cross

Give Me One Night

Netting Neptune

Night Moves

No One But You

Passion’s Victory

Poseidon’s Pleasure

Seducing Light

Shining Victory

Surrendered Victory

Taming Triton

Tango In The Night

A Taste Of Victory

SHINE A LIGHT

KC KENDRICKS

MBER

UILL

RESS

, LLC

http://www.AmberQuill.com

HINE

A L

IGHT

MBER

UILL

RESS

OOK

This book is a work of fiction.

All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the

author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously.

Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales,

or events is entirely coincidental.

Amber Quill Press, LLC

http://www.AmberQuill.com

No portion of this book may be transmitted or

reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in

writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief

excerpts used for the purposes of review.

ISBN 978-1-60272-648-2

Layout and Formatting provided by: Elemental Alchemy

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

For Kevin, wherever your journey leads,

may someone shine a light.

SHINE A LIGHT

CHAPTER 1

It’s often said pride goes before the fall. I can attest that it’s

sometimes the other way around, especially if you don’t see it
coming at you. I’d fallen, and far, and what little pride I had left
refused to allow me to walk into the off-Broadway theater when
the lights were up. No, Van MacKenzie did not want to be spotted
as he scoped out a little bitty community theater in the deep woods,
some two hundred miles west of Manhattan.

I’d have to come to terms with my pride, and fast, if I landed a

job here. I slid into my seat and scrunched down, leaning toward
my agent so I could keep my voice low. “Sorry I’m late.”

Constance handed me a program. “No, you’re not. I knew

you’d slink in here at the last minute so it’d be dark and no one
would recognize you.”

SHINE A LIGHT

“Okay. Guilty. Now let’s just watch the show.”
She sighed, loudly, and I wondered again why I put up with

her. It might be that no other agent would touch me right now.
Homophobic bastards, all of them.

That was the bitterness talking, but sue me, not that I had a lot

left worth taking. The entertainment industry and my faithless ex-
lover had seen to that.

Yes, I was a wee bit bitter and needed to remind myself I was

far from destitute, no matter how it felt.

The lights dimmed, and I put my personal unrest aside. I loved

Arsenic and Old Lace and made up my mind to enjoy the play,
even if it was a community theater way, way, way off Broadway.
Forty-five minutes later, I applauded with as much enthusiasm as
everyone else, pleasantly surprised at the quality of the actors.

My agent smirked at me as I stayed in my seat during the

intermission. I kept my head bent as I scoured the program looking
for some well-known name, some clue how these folks managed to
pull off this caliber of production.

I almost got away with anonymity. Almost.
The lights flickered, and a jaunty little piano tune tinkled out of

the speakers. When it ended, a large majority of the audience
clapped three times, and yelled, “The Globe!” I was impressed at
the level of support. Necessity is a mother, so they say. I didn’t
fancy working in the woods with the bugs and snakes, but I
couldn’t afford to be too choosy, and a theater with a loyal
following was better than one without.

Then it happened. Lightning.
I hoped the seat in front of me would remain empty for the

third act, but it was not to be. An attractive, well-built young man
my practiced eye put at a bit taller than my barely reaching six-foot

SHINE A LIGHT

frame inched his way down the row. He carelessly draped what
appeared to be an expensive black leather jacket across the seat
beside him, glanced at me, and froze as recognition flickered in his
dark gaze. I stared into his wide black pupils that reflected the
dancing, low lighting of the theater, and couldn’t draw a breath. He
was gorgeous, way too much so to be gay, but I was instantly
smitten. I smiled at him.

The object of my interest treated me to a small smile and a

quick nod, then settled in his seat. I fidgeted in mine, inhaling the
undeniably male scent beneath the light, crisp cologne he wore. I
recognized it as I had a bottle on the shelf in my bathroom, but it
didn’t smell that good on me, so I didn’t use it. The return of my
agent interrupted my private interlude. Constance handed me a
large, covered cup before she plopped down in her seat.

“God, I love these little country places. Where else can you get

old-fashioned coffee like this and bring it to your seat?”

I lifted the lid and sniffed. The guy in front of me had more

olfactory appeal, but I decided it was easier to agree with her than
admit my hound dog sniffing act had nothing to do with the coffee.

“This place does have a lot going for it.”
“You’re so committal, Van.”
Sure I was, as in non-committal. That lack of commitment had

ultimately landed me out here in the boonies. I tapped Constance’s
knee with mine to get her attention.

“Is the meet on for after the show?”
She nodded over the rim of her coffee cup. “Yep. We’re to go

to the producer’s office and wait, if necessary. He and the director
will be there as soon as they can. I told them you might have to get
back to the city.”

“Oh, great. Lie to them right off the bat.” One thing about

SHINE A LIGHT

Constance—the possible repercussions of tempting fate didn’t
keep her awake at night.

“It’s an out for you, silly. You can always tell me I have the

dates mixed up on my calendar, and your…whatever… is next
weekend.”

“I don’t play games like that, Constance. I’ve told you that

several times, and I meant it every time. Now be the agent I need
you to be and stay straight with these people.”

She snorted softly, her words holding amusement, not sting.

“Straight. That’s a good one, coming from you.”

Relieved she didn’t want to argue over her techniques, I kept

our banter light. “You’re just jealous because I get more men than
you do.”

“Damn right I am. Okay, Van, I’ll tell them you can be in town

a few days, if necessary.”

“Thank you.” I needed a job. Performing was my drug, and I’d

been without it for far too long. The lights dimmed, saving me
from further conversation.

The second half of the production was even better than the first.

I laughed along with everyone else and applauded when the curtain
closed. Constance was eager to move me along backstage, but I
resisted until the man in front of me stood.

I’d been correct about his height and now, in brighter light,

noted his pale blue eyes. He retrieved his jacket and draped it over
his elbow, his long fingers stroking the leather.

So he was tactile, was he? I liked the feel and texture of fine

things, too. My fingertips itched to stroke his dark five o’clock
shadow and see if it were bristly or soft. He stopped at the end of
the row and allowed Constance and me to precede him. Naturally,
the woman had to stop at the ladies’ room. I found a section of

SHINE A LIGHT

wall to lean against while I waited for her. People strolled by, not
giving me a second look.

My agent reappeared, finally, and we wove our way through

the crowd. I kept my hand on the small of her back, propelling her
safely along. No one stopped us as we stepped through a side door
and walked back the dimly lit hallway, following the sound of
voices. Determined to be a gentleman, I paused and allowed her to
enter the room first. Friendly faces greeted us, and among them,
the leather jacket toting hottie who had sat in front of me. He
nodded politely, but I saw more than professional interest in his
gaze.

Well, well, well. Mr. Gorgeous was gay.
He probably had a partner, living so far out in the middle of

nowhere. I doubted St. Charles had an active gay scene…another
reason for me to spend some time here. I couldn’t afford to be seen
out and about with any man, be he gay or straight, while trailing
the obnoxious paparazzi in my wake. St. Charles felt like a
temptation-free zone to me.

Well, except for him. He was definitely tempting, but I had to

do the smart thing, which was to take a pass and stay the hell out of
trouble. Besides, he was young, probably not a day over twenty-
five.

A middle-aged fellow in dress jeans and a sports coat stood and

extended his hand. I grasped it, squeezing with the proper amount
of equal pressure.

“Welcome to The Globe in the Grove, Donovan. I’m Phil

Albright, producer. Call me Phil. We’re not very formal here,
backstage.” He turned and gestured at the other two men. “Our
jack-of-all-trades and director, Bob Jones, and Shane Hollister, our
number one assistant and set designer. Connie we already know.”

SHINE A LIGHT

I shook hands with the director, then with Shane. He met my

gaze with open curiosity, holding my hand just a moment too long,
his palm warm against mine. I nodded, trying to decide if his name
was truly familiar, or if my memory played tricks on me.

“Pleased to meet everyone. And I’m just Van. Donovan was

what my mother called me when I got myself in some sort of
trouble.”

They smiled, and Bob spoke up. “I’ll remember that for future

reference.”

There was more relaxed laughter, and I had the distinct

impression they thought my coming on board for their next
production was a given. What had Constance told them?

How much had she told them? Worse yet, how much did they

know from the press?

Truthfully, if they wanted me, it was a done deal. There wasn’t

any point in pretending otherwise. I motioned over my shoulder in
the general direction of the stage.

“The production tonight was excellent. You have a lot of talent

here.”

Phil and Bob beamed at the praise. Shane was more reserved,

accepting the compliment with a nod, but obviously expecting a
caveat of some sort to be forthcoming. I didn’t have one for them.
Albright spoke up.

“Thank you. The Globe is small, but a lot of passion goes into

what happens here. Shane is a godsend. He actually worked on
several Broadway productions.” Phil patted Shane’s knee.

Shane looked as though he wished Phil had kept his mouth

shut. Curious, I asked Shane which shows he’d been affiliated
with. He rattled off a few, surprising me with his whiskey baritone
voice, then he paused and took a deep breath.

SHINE A LIGHT

“And I designed all the sets for Heartland.”
No wonder his name had sounded familiar. Many, myself

included, had thought Heartland worthy of a quantity of Tony
Award nominations. It hadn’t happened, and now I wondered if
that’s why Shane was here. I whistled softly.

“Heartland was fantastic, one of the most thoroughly thought

out and detailed sets I’ve ever seen. I saw the show four times.”

Below a wary gaze, Shane smiled. “Thanks. The sets are easy

when the material is good.”

I nodded. Everything was easy when the material was good.

The Globe’s upcoming production, a four-act play entitled
Sumner’s Garden, was incredible. Written by a totally unknown-
but-not-for-long talent, the script blew me away. And playing an
angry, troubled man? Yeah, I could certainly do that. Coming at
this moment in my life, I had a lot of emotion to draw upon.

Phil leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs. “Let’s forget the

chase and get to the point. Van, we’d love to have you play Andy
Pulaski. We haven’t even considered anyone else. We can’t pay
you what you’re used to, but your lodging is included as part of the
deal. It’s over at the ski resort, so it’s sort of upscale rustic, but
nice. Meals at the resort lodge are included. So how about it? Are
you our Andy?”

Constance cleared her throat, quickly taking over the

conversation. “Gentlemen, my client and I have to talk now that
he’s seen The Globe.”

Oh, here we go. I knew she’d have to muck into it some more.
I ignored Constance and Phil in favor of staring at Shane. He

didn’t flinch, or even fidget in his chair, as he stared back. My skin
prickled under his calm perusal. My agent was on her way to
obnoxious. It was time to reel her in. I covered her hand with mine.

SHINE A LIGHT

“Phil, let me read over the contract you prepared for tonight,

and I’ll call you in the morning.”

“Van…”
I gently squeezed her hand, stopping Constance before she

could say more. I looked at Phil. “Do you have two more copies,
per chance?”

Phil nodded. “Yes, of course. It’s the same as the one I

forwarded to you last week.” He plucked the copies off his desk
and handed them to me. I passed one to Constance.

“Look it over again. It’s a good contract. We’re willing to be

very accommodating to get a big name like Donovan MacKenzie
to perform here. The Globe will reap huge rewards with Sumner’s
Garden, now, and in the future.”

“I appreciate the confidence you have in me, Phil. I hope I

don’t let you down.” I stood and held my hand out to him. I saw in
his eyes he understood I was placating my agent and, as far as I
was concerned, I’d accepted the role.

Shane rolled to his feet in a controlled, graceful motion. “Phil,

why don’t you take Constance for a nightcap before you drop her
off at her room. I’ll show Van around the place and the way to the
motel.”

I did my best to ignore my surprise at the blood pooling in my

groin. My libido had been strangely subdued since the breakup
with my ex-lover, Lynn. I’d not even had the urge to masturbate. I
welcomed the flickering spark of interest, but hoped it didn’t
become noticeable. Shane hadn’t made a pass at me; he’d merely
offered to show me around. Acting like a horny fool wouldn’t get
me off on the right foot with him.

On the other hand, if he asked to come to my room, I wouldn’t

say no. Maybe he was the sort who could handle a trick and keep it

SHINE A LIGHT

strictly for fun. It would be great to have interest in sex back as
part of my life.

God, I needed to get laid, not entanglements, and that’s what

fucking him would be. I didn’t need to have another man pissed off
at me. My ex-boyfriend had that covered. I smiled again, and
accepted Shane’s offer.

We all said our goodnights as I carefully folded the contract

and slipped it in the inside pocket of my sports coat. I gave
Constance a little peck on the cheek to make her happy, my gaze
locked with Shane’s amused one. I had no illusions the manner in
which my closet door had been blown off its hinges was unknown
to any one present. Shane grinned behind her back as Constance
murmured she’d call me in an hour or so

I hoped she wouldn’t. It looked like I might be busy in an hour.

Maybe.

SHINE A LIGHT

CHAPTER 2

Shane didn’t waste time with a grand tour, but led me straight

to the stage. I failed miserably at not staring at his ass as he
walked. Lord, he had a nice butt. Tight. Muscled. I just knew it
was a perfect fit for my hands.

He pulled a lever and the maroon velvet curtains parted, gliding

silently on their tracks to swing heavily at the ends. I stood there,
center stage, and looked out across the rows of empty seats.

Smart fellow, Shane Hollister. He knew this was the view that

would nail me for the job. I sensed him at my left side as his body
heat blended with mine in the cool night air.

“The first time I came to The Globe in the Grove, I was twelve.

My dad brought me.” He pointed to a spot about twenty rows back,
center. “We sat there, only in those days, it was the last row. That

SHINE A LIGHT

was before the theater was enclosed, too.”

“Really? They’ve expanded, then. It’s more than double that

now. Do I remember correctly that I read during the summer,
almost all of the walls are panels that slide open?”

“Yep. When it’s really warm, we turn on the roof fans and

create a draft. They are amazingly quiet. Phil has done wonders
here. I should warn you, they hope to get you to come every
summer.”

Well, crap. I shoved my hands in my pockets and turned to face

him. “I guess they don’t read the tabloid press.”

Amusement lit in his sparkling eyes, and it struck me again

how easy it would be to turn fool over this young man. His gaze
never left mine as he shook his head.

“No, they don’t, but even straight guys read the gay press. It’s

more informative on some matters.”

“Shit.”
He laughed softly. “It’s not that bad, Van. You’re not the first

man to have his closet door thrown open by a vindictive ex-lover.”

“Yeah, everyone has a blog these days.” I’d known Lynn had

one, and that he dropped little tidbits about me from time-to-time
from the angle of a fan lucky enough to be in my orbit.

The little chatty things, like where I’d had dinner or which

designer duds I’d worn to an event were harmless and kept my fan
base entertained. I’d never expected Lynn to get down and dirty
with details about our sex life, complete with color snapshots. I
dared to meet Shane’s amused, knowing gaze.

Well, crap! He’d seen the photos. My face heated.
Shane grinned. “Personally, I don’t think you have anything to

be embarrassed about, and Phil and Bob agree. We were
rather…impressed.”

SHINE A LIGHT

It was just too fucking bad the stage couldn’t open up, suck me

down, and swallow me whole. I wouldn’t fight it, not one bit. I
rubbed my warm face with both hands.

“I think I’ve seen enough of the theater for tonight. Is there any

place between here and this motel you need to get me to we can get
a cup of coffee?”

He studied me for a moment, speculation glittering in his eyes

before he clapped me on the shoulder. “Sure. Where are you
parked?”

I put my hands on my hips, raised my eyebrow, and looked him

up and down. He was a fine specimen, for sure. “Where do you
think I’m parked? In the visitors’ parking.”

Shane laughed, a bright, cheerful sound that rippled around me

like a siren’s song. I knew better than to allow my interest in him
get the best of me, but I feared I was about to turn very stupid.

“Of course your car is there. Mine’s out back. I’ll come around,

blink my lights, and you can follow me.”

My skin prickled with foolish anticipation. “I’d follow you just

about anywhere tonight, Shane Hollister.”

The corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile. “I got that about

you.”

He’d not missed a beat before he said that. I didn’t either.
“So how about it? Keep me company in my lonely motel

room?”

His enigmatic gaze held mine as he reached into his pocket and

pulled out his cell phone. “I have to call home first.”

I flinched inside. He did have a lover, or at least someone close

enough to him they warranted a check-in call. Damn it.

I grasped his elbow, stopping him before he punched a speed

dial button.

SHINE A LIGHT

“Listen, Shane, I’m not into any sort of drama here. If you have

a partner, someone who trusts you, then just point me to road. I’ll
find my own way to the motel.”

His chin lifted. “It’s not that, Van. I don’t have anyone in my

life right now.” Shane pushed the button, and I heard the tones as
the phone opened the connection. A man answered as Shane
pressed the receiver to his ear. Had he just lied to me? I took a
deep breath and eavesdropped shamelessly. Or maybe not, since he
seemed to want me to hear his side of the conversation.

“Hey. Everything okay?”
Shane paused, listening. “No, don’t wait up for me. I have to

get Donovan MacKenzie settled for the night.” Shane smiled at
me, listening to the voice in his ear. “I will. ’Night.”

He flipped the phone closed. “Satisfied, Van?”
No, I wasn’t. “I mean it, Shane. I don’t want any trouble while

I’m here. I have enough to handle with my own problems.”

Shane frowned at me, the mercurial shift in his mood evident in

the tense lines of his body.

“The only trouble I’m looking at is you. The motel is west on

Route 30. Make a right out of the parking lot, go to the light and
make a left. You’ll see the sign, maybe an eighth of mile down on
the right. You’re registered, but you need to stop and get the
keycard.”

Just fuck me. He was pissed. How did I manage to do this with

people? Things that should be simple, like not being a party to
some guy screwing around on the side, always went haywire. I
should have just tricked him and let him worry about whatever
fall-out he encountered. Only, I never could get away with that.

Whoever said a stiff dick has no conscience had never met

mine. I backpedaled. “I’m sorry, Shane. I guess my recent

SHINE A LIGHT

experience has me overly cautious. Can we still grab that cup of
coffee?”

Shane looked away, then rubbed the back of his neck. He took

a breath and did his best to smile at me. “Yeah, sure. I’d like that.
And to put your mind at ease, I called my Dad. I’m staying with
him. He’s really great, and I didn’t want him to stay up late and
pretend not to worry about me.”

I was relieved at his confession and pleased, for him, that he

got along with his father. It still left unanswered why he got so
testy about my concern about him cheating on a partner. Perhaps,
when we knew each other better, I’d find out, not that it mattered
too much one way or the other to me. We all have buttons we don’t
like pushed. I would only be here for a few months, so he didn’t
owe me his innermost secrets.

“Does your father know you’re gay? Are you out?”
He nodded and handed me his business card. “Yes, to both

questions. My cell number is on there. If you have any questions
about The Globe between now and the entire cast and crew
meeting next month, call me.”

I pulled out one of my personal cards from my wallet and gave

it to him. “My cell number is on the back if you need to contact
me. You know, if you decide to tell Phil you don’t want me here.”

The corner of his mouth twitched, and his voice was rich with

humor. I liked it that he had a good sense of humor.

“Don’t tempt me, Van. But don’t worry. We need you to do

Sumner’s Garden. Times are tough. You’ll be a big draw. It works
for everyone.” His hand brushed mine in the briefest of touches,
silently indicating his continued interest. “C’mon. Let’s get coffee
and take it to your motel room.”

I looked him in the eye. “Does one of us need to make a

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different stop?”

The devil danced in his sparkling gaze. “I have one in my

wallet.”

I laughed softly, feeling sixteen again. “So do I.”
Shane stepped closer, his young face earnest as his eyes

searched mine. “Are you going to be angry if we don’t get that
far?”

I touched his hand and told him the truth. We had all summer

to either regret tonight, or build a friendship on it. I preferred the
latter. “No, not at all. I’m good with keeping things simple.”

Shielded by our bodies, his fingers squeezed mine. “Thanks.

I’m interested, Van, but I need to know you better before I give it
up to you.”

“I know exactly what you mean. Let’s go. I have six months to

see the rest of The Globe.”

“I’ll stop by the concession and get coffee to go. Watch for

me.”

My gaze glued to his ass, I followed him off the stage and then

stepped out into the night alone while he went on his errand. A fair
number of people milled about in the parking lot, laughing and
joking about the show. It reaffirmed my thought that The Globe
productions had a loyal audience.

While I waited for him to drive around, I transferred the one

condom I always carried from my wallet to my pocket. I probably
wouldn’t need it, given our mutual desire to keep things light and
easy, but I’d rather be prepared. It could always go back in my
wallet in the morning.

When a late-model Pontiac slowed and flashed its lights, I

pulled out behind it. Within minutes, we arrived at the motel. I
stayed in my car while Shane got the key, then followed him

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around to the rear side of the building. My pulse quickened as I
parked and switched off the ignition. It had been six long months
since I’d been with anyone.

The urge was there, not strong and demanding, but banked

down, a tiny glowing ember fearful of too hot a spark. It had been
like that since those nude pictures of all eight of my very happy
inches had hit the Internet. I was tired of this monkish existence.
Maybe tonight would end it.

He handed me a cup, then opened the door. I stepped inside the

nondescript motel room with its main feature the queen-sized bed.
I set my coffee on the dresser before I pulled the condom out of my
pocket and flipped it onto the pillows, just in case.

Shane sipped from his cup, then set his coffee down and turned

to me, his eyes black in the low light. He grasped my jacket and
slipped it off my shoulders, tossing it over the chair.

“The coffee can wait, Van. I can’t.”
His words were all that tiny spark inside me needed. My penis

reacted, filling and swelling. I could have shouted with joy at the
return of the familiar sensations. I reached for him, wanting to
touch him. I slipped his coat off his shoulders and dropped it on
top of mine, then our shirts flew in the same direction. Shane’s
hands skimmed across my stubbly chest, a note of amusement in
his low voice.

“Darn. You shaved.”
I palmed his brown nipples, and they pebbled under my touch.

“I landed a twenty-minute speaking role in a made-for-television
mystery. They asked me to go bare. It’s taken forever to grow
back, but at least it doesn’t itch anymore.”

I hooked my fingers under his waistband and unsnapped his

jeans while he yanked the zipper down. I tugged his pants off his

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hips. Dark and rosy, his cock sprang from a curly, dark nest. Cut,
he was about seven-and-a-half inches, with a respectable girth.
Pale veins showed beneath the smooth skin. I trailed my middle
finger lightly down his length, smiling as his penis flexed up in
response. I caressed the ridges of the little four-pack abs he
sported, then ran my fingers through the patch of fur in the center
of his chest.

“I like a little hair, too, babe, especially when it trails down to

here.” My fingertips followed the dark line growing down his
middle all the way to his bush. His cock lifted again. “Eager?”

“Scared, too. You’re Donovan MacKenzie. I don’t want to

disappoint you.” Shane’s fingers brushed the bulge that snaked
down my left thigh, still trapped by denim.

Touched by that confession, I gave him by own. “I don’t want

you to be disappointed in me, either. This is me right now, not
some Hollywood image that’s impossible to live up to.”

“I know.”
We moved at the same time, and whether I kissed him, or he

kissed me, I didn’t know or care. His warm, coffee-flavored lips
parted under mine. My senses reeled, hit by jolt after jolt of arousal
as his soft, breathy sigh drew me in. He was like some live flame
in my arms, with his heat and energy ready to be unleashed at my
command. The memories of other lovers flickered and dimmed.
His tentative eagerness reminded me he was only in his mid-
twenties, maybe too young for my cynical attitude, even as it
banished any thought of staying away from him because of his age.

Shane inhaled sharply and his tongue met mine in a lively

dance of joyful discovery. I felt the laughter building in him, and
we both grinned, which ended our kiss. He licked his smiling lips.

“Wow.”

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I was barely able force air into my lungs. “Wow? I was hoping

for five stars.”

“Okay, Van. That was a five-star first kiss.”
Yes, it was, and I was a five-star fool for not walking away. I

cupped the back of his head and kissed him again.

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CHAPTER 3

Shane’s arms snaked around my neck as his lips opened, and

his tongue licked into mine. Back and forth, we tested and teased
each other, unhurried in our promise of eventual release. I kissed
his bristly cheek, sliding my lips along his jaw line. I tasted the
saltiness of his skin as I licked my way to the flat, brown disc of
his nipple. He sighed as I swirled my tongue over it, suckling when
it peaked into a little hard nub. His strong hands gripped my hips,
pulling me to the bed. I spun around, and still mired by our pants,
we fell onto the mattress.

Shane twisted beneath me. I rolled off him, and our hands

collided as we both attempted to push my jeans down. I groaned
with relief as my erection lifted, freed from its cotton prison. His
fingers closed around my shaft, rolling the foreskin back. My

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pelvis surged against him as arousal spiked through me. The breath
clogged in my throat as the heat of his mouth enveloped me. His
free hand slipped under my ass, a single finger teasing sensitive
skin and pressing through the tight ring of muscle. My usual
protest at being touched there by a lover I didn’t know well
evaporated on the wave of fresh sweat that prickled over my skin.

I wiggled, trying to get my pants the rest of the way off, which

had the inadvertent effect of aiding that busy finger beneath me. I
moaned and squirmed harder. Shane smacked my hip as his gaze
slammed into mine across the planes of my torso. Obedient, I
stopped moving, and thinking. All that mattered were the building
sensations increasing in my groin.

His slow hand and soft lips moved over me in tandem,

deliberate in their purpose. I watched the rise and fall of his dark
head taking my cock deep, then pulling back. Shane’s pink tongue
flicked around the rim, over the glans, then he took me in again.
Over and over he did that until my thighs tensed and my balls drew
up close to my body. The climax coiled in my belly, waiting,
wanting release, and then it happened.

That finger inside me pressed deeper, and heat shot up my

spine. I fell into velvet darkness, floating where there was no air,
no light, only the bliss radiating out from under Shane’s caress. He
stayed with me as I shot into his mouth, neither asking for nor
giving any quarter.

Awareness seeped back into me, and I looked down. Shane’s

cheek rested on my thigh, his hand gently milking my softening
flesh to give up those last few pearly drops to lay glistening on my
belly. I stroked his hair, and his eyes opened.

He kissed my penis and rolled away. I protested, but then he

grabbed my jeans and pulled them the rest of the way off me

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before stepping out of his own pants. He stood beside the bed,
stroking his erection and looking worried.

“We can stop right now, Van. It’s your call.”
“Come here, Shane.” I held out my hand to him, and he came

down into my arms.

I kissed him, and he relaxed against me as I coaxed him to inch

closer. Shane ended the kiss and rested his forehead to mine. I ran
my hand down his side, my fingertips drinking in the smooth
texture of his skin, as the echoes of the orgasm bounced off my
aching heart.

I’d shut down emotionally after Lynn. Now the knowledge of

what sparked between us crashed around inside me, clashing with
the voice of reason that warned me whatever I had with Shane, it
would only be for the summer. It was a bitter pill to swallow.

“You didn’t bring it up, but I’m HIV negative. I wouldn’t have

let you give me that incredible, fantastic, wonderful, and very
thorough blow job if I wasn’t.”

His frame shook with silent laughter. “So, you liked it, did

you? That’s good.”

“What’s your status, Shane? Do you know?”
He looked at me, his expression guarded. “I’m due a test, but I

don’t anticipate any problems. I’m careful, but let me say again, if
you want to stop, just say the word.”

I didn’t want to leave him hanging. I wanted to hear the sounds

he made as he came, watch the pleasure take him, and know I’d
sent him there. He hesitated just enough that I knew he meant what
he said about keeping tonight simple. I thought more of him
because of it.

I skimmed my fingertips along the dark crevice between his

muscled buttocks. “Are you okay with a hand job? If you want a

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little more than that, suit up.”

“That’s good, Van. Honest.” His hand cupped my ass. “Just

kiss me.”

I levered up on my elbow, and he rolled to his back as I kissed

his eyes, his cheeks, and finally his lips. My palm slid down across
his tense, toned belly, covering his hand as he stroked his cock.
Determined to touch him, to feel the silky skin that covered his
steel, I nudged his hand away and took over the movement. I
shivered as his tongue swept seductively over mine, calling me to
him. My flesh answered his call, swelling full and ready again and
surprising me with the strength of renewed desire. I flexed my
pelvis to his thigh, letting him feel that I was hard again.

His lips turned hungry against mine, seeking more. The tension

flowed into him as his breathing grew ragged. The condom was
there, within reach. I tongued his ear, then whispered to him,
“Shane, say the word and I’ll get the condom.”

He shook head. “No. Not…now.”
My mouth locked to his in an endless kiss as my fingers

fondled him. I sensed him reach for the pleasure as urgent groans
rumbled in his throat. His fingers covered mine. He moaned, a low
sound of profound relief as his shoulders rose off the bed and
semen splashed across his chest.

He went so totally limp it surprised me. I wanted him, but he

suddenly looked exhausted, dark smudges appearing under his
eyes so fast the makeup department could have put them there. I
kissed him again, which didn’t help me get a grip on my libido.
His lack of response did. I took a deep breath and worked on
settling down instead of being greedy and jerking off all over him.
I didn’t want him to think I was a sex pig or anything.

“Hey, babe. Are you still awake?”

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His left eyelid opened. “Well, yeah. I still have coffee to

drink.”

I made a rude noise at him. “Go start the shower. I’ll be there in

a moment.”

“Well, let me up, babe.”
I didn’t want to let go of him, not even for a few minutes. I

wanted to hold him, but we were both sticky, and I didn’t know if
he was spending the night or not. Groaning, I sat up.

Shane climbed to his feet and stretched. I admired his body, the

strong line of his spine, the flex of his muscles. He saw me ogling
him and shook his head, rolled his eyes, then padded off to the
bathroom. I stayed where I was until the sound of the water hitting
the tiles changed, indicating he was under the spray.

By the time I stepped in behind him, he’d rinsed and so he

stepped out to give me room in the small space. I met his gaze in
the steam-fogged mirror. Now that we’d satisfied our natural
curiosity about each other, he was leaving. Disappointment settled
around my heart and I couldn’t shake it off.

“You’re not staying, are you?”
“No. I’ll tell you all about it later, but I need to make sure my

father gets his medications in the morning.”

I couldn’t whine or complain, or ask him to stay. One trick

gave me no rights to any part of his life. I put on my best smile,
and held my hand out for a towel.

* * *

No one warned this city boy that early spring mornings in the

mountains were so chilly. I darted from my warm bed, turned up
the heat, and hopped in the shower to get warm. Hopefully, the

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steam would help heat up the room. It worked, to some extent.

I dried off with the plain white towels supplied. Still clammy, I

crawled back between the sheets to finish the drying process.

I hoped to find better linens at the ski lodge next month, but

“rustic” rang in my memory like a tolling bell. My indulgent
lifestyle spoiled me, no doubt about it. If I didn’t crave performing
so intensely, I wouldn’t be out here in the woods, freezing my
transplanted Scottish arse off.

Or maybe I’d be breathing the nasty fresh air, regardless. Not

that I was penniless, but Lynn had wiped out those bank accounts
he had access to on his way out of my life. I had a very expensive
attorney working on getting the money back, but I didn’t hold out
much hope. I needed to work to recoup those losses. My ex-lover
possessed the peculiar cunning of the irrational. Too bad for me
he’d hidden it so well until it was too late.

I was guilty of exactly what he accused me of. I’d neglected

him in favor of my career. Had I paid closer attention, I’d have
realized the depth of his anger. Lynn dealt me an expensive lesson.

The room still seemed cold to me even though the heater fan

whirred and wheezed in its housing. I craved coffee, but I wasn’t
ready to put my warm feet back on the cold floor. I nestled deeper
under the covers and cupped my genitals.

I rolled my foreskin back, then pinched it over the glans,

absorbing the familiar sensation, welcoming the prickling wave
that flowed up the back of my thighs and across my buttocks. My
penis swelled, lengthened. I closed my eyes and tried to forget I
was in a mid-level motel room with rough sheets and a piss-poor
excuse for a heater. That became easier as my erection completed.
Using my middle finger and thumb, I kept the touch light, the
stroke short. Little jolts of growing arousal spiked through my

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belly. The pleasure built at the base of my spine.

Shane’s face rose up above me, taunting me. My sphincter

twitched; my balls drew up close. The breath left my lungs in a
long groan. I could almost feel my knees gripping his sides, and his
weight pinning me to the bed. Sweat broke out under my arms and
on my chest. My thighs tensed. I couldn’t breathe, and the world
hazed black around me. Delicious heat flashed up my backbone as
I climaxed, the hot semen filling my hand. Panting, I floated back
to awareness, lying still and limp, and in no way truly sated.

Where had that bit of fantasy come from? I hadn’t bottomed

since I was with my first lover, an older man who had taught me
plenty. But he’d often been too rough, and I developed an aversion
to taking it up the ass and never allowed subsequent lovers to have
me that way. I first laid eyes on Shane twelve hours ago and
already I fantasized about letting him fuck me? I needed to think
about where that came from.

My therapist would probably say some crap like I was coming

to terms that I couldn’t control everything in my life. More likely,
my hedonist nature wanted me to admit that my instincts, honed by
years of cruising men, said young Shane Hollister knew his way
around the bedroom and I’d barely tapped that knowledge last
night.

I snorted and tossed the covers off, cursing under my breath at

the chilly temperature of the bathroom floor. I held a washcloth
under running hot water, wrung it out, and tidied up the sticky
equipment. I debated shaving, which I hated to do, and decided the
scruff looked fine for breakfast in St. Charles. Still cold in spite of
all my machinations to get warm, I dressed in record speed.

Boots in hand, I perched on the edge of the bed to pull them on.

A soft tap-tap-tap sounded on the door. My pulse quickened with

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hope. Who knew I was in this room? Only four people. I knew my
agent wouldn’t be out of bed yet, and I doubted Phil or Bob would
pay me a private visit. I opened the door. Shane held up two
steaming Styrofoam cups. In the morning light, his blue eyes
contained symmetrical lines and flecks of a darker gray.

“Coffee?”
I stepped back and motioned for him to come inside, accepting

the cup he held out to me. “Lord, yes. Thank you.” I sniffed the
pungent aroma. He’d brought the good stuff.

Shane eased his sexy frame down in the only chair, his gaze

taking in the rumpled sheet, complete with damp spot. His nostrils
twitched, and I knew he detected the lingering scent of ejaculate.
His gaze flicked to mine. I grinned at him as I reclaimed my spot
on the bed. At least he didn’t warn me about ruining my eyesight.

Shane fished a few packets of sugar out of his jacket pocket. I

shook my head.

“I like it black.” I peeled the lid off the container and risked a

sip. It was still too hot, so I set it on the nightstand and watched
him watch me over the rim of his cup.

“I brought coffee, but I’d like to take you to breakfast at the ski

lodge, Van. On the expense account, of course. ”

“Okay. I do want to check out the place and see if it’s my

definition of ‘rustic’ or worse.” I pulled on my right boot and
reached for the left. “It might be good if I drop off the signed
contract on the way.”

“Phil will be ecstatic. He’s got all your movies on disc. I bet he

whined for a week when you moved to live theater.”

I set my left foot down, stomping on the boot heel to settle the

fit. “Hollywood doesn’t always appreciate the middle-aged. The
writing was on the wall that forty was fatal for my career. At least I

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saw it coming and made a few plans. Luckily, Broadway thrives on
experience.”

My hope that Shane would take the opening to tell me how he

landed the Heartland job as a virtual unknown faded as he stood.

“We can drink our coffee in Dad’s truck. Lord knows another

spill won’t make any difference on those seats.” He lifted my
jacket off the back of the chair and held it for me.

I rolled to my feet and slipped my hands into the sleeves. Shane

slid the coat up to my shoulders and let it fall into place. I turned
and reached for him. His arms slid around my waist.

Shane cocked his head and glanced at the bed. “I’m not in any

hurry this morning.”

That made me laugh again, which brought another grin to his

face. God, I loved the easy way he smiled. I slid my hands up
under his jacket, over the warmth of his torso, and asked him the
question that had kept me awake long after he left last night.

“So, are we gonna have a summer thing, Shane Hollister?”
Those smoky eyes said yes, and, for the first time in my life, I

understood how the moth feels when confronted with a flame.

“We’ll see, just as soon as you get back here to start work.”
I had to return to the city and wrap up a few things. It was

going to be a long month, but the get-reacquainted sex would be
mind-blowing. I ran my thumb across his lips.

“When I get back, then.”
Behind him, the door opened, and Constance cleared her throat.
I looked at Shane and sighed.
“We’re busted.”

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CHAPTER 4

One month later…

I never liked to fly, and for the first time ever, I arrived early at

Newark Airport, anxious for my return to St. Charles after a month
back in the city. I called Shane to ask him to pick me up at the
Harrisburg airport. He agreed, but only on the condition my agent
wouldn’t be with me this time.

My regret from my first meeting with Shane was that

Constance had chosen that day, that moment, to prove she could
move before warmed by the noon sun had grown by the hour.
She’d not been pleased when she walked in on Shane and me, and
stuck to me like glue until we left St. Charles. I’d not managed to
get him alone for a goodbye kiss.

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For some reason, she believed I had been about to land myself

in big trouble.

And she was right.
She wasn’t traveling with me now, and I probably wouldn’t see

her for a month. Constance had to find me a few appropriate
opportunities for after Sumner’s Garden. I tried not to get my
hopes up, but by October, those revealing pictures splashed across
the Internet should be a faded memory. It remained to be seen
whether or not I was considered “bankable” now that I was out of
the closet.

My nervousness took hold again as the plane began its descent.

Shane and I had burned a lot of cell phone minutes this past month,
mostly talking about the theater—on Broadway and at The Globe
in the Grove. By some unspoken agreement, we saved most of the
personal stuff for my return to St. Charles, but I did learn he was
the youngest of four children, and the only son, which probably
accounted for his warm, sunny disposition.

He already knew a lot about me, things I wished he didn’t, but

there was no help for it. My name was all over the Internet for
anyone who could almost spell Donovan MacKenzie and type it
into a search engine.

His youthful humor and dry, biting wit both charmed and

impressed me, but those blasted text messages left me frustrated. I
wanted to hear his voice, damn it. I chalked it up to the insane
infatuation guys his age have with gadgetry. In my day, a car
phone with a cord was a big deal. The toys were much nicer now,
so why shouldn’t he enjoy them?

Yet, this past week, Shane hadn’t called, or even sent a text

message. I hoped it meant he was busy on the Sumner’s Garden
pre-production and preparing for the personnel meeting tomorrow.

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When I called him yesterday to ask if he could meet me at the
airport, the hitch in his voice had kept me fidgety all night.

I grabbed my briefcase and disembarked, hustling through the

terminal to find Shane. I spotted him standing by the large
windows, gazing out at the tarmac. The sunlight framed him as it
gave his dark hair a bright halo. God, he was gorgeous, so long and
lean, seamlessly put together without the angular lines of so many
tall men.

Walking up beside him, I draped my arm across his shoulders,

straight-guy like. He jumped, then nervously pulled away. I
chalked his skittishness up to being in a public place.

“Damn. You’re here already. Where’s your luggage?”
“No luggage. I already shipped a few things to the lodge by

parcel post. I need to catch the commuter flight back home Sunday
or Monday and pick up my car at the repair shop. I’ll load the
trunk with the remainder of what I want here before I drive back.”

He seemed tense, not the easygoing young man I’d met a

month ago. I squeezed him in a brief, one-armed hug, then let him
go, hoping he’d relax on the drive to the resort.

Shane ushered me toward the exit. “I wondered why you didn’t

drive. You’re going to be here six months. A vehicle is a necessity
in this area.”

I held the door for him. “My car started to leak gas. Weird,

’cause it’s only a year old. My mechanic agreed it’s strange, but he
said it’s easy to fix. Thing is, he has to drain the fuel system and
proceed with caution or risk kaboom. I told him to take his time, if
you know what I mean.”

We darted across the access road to the parking lot to his

midnight blue Pontiac. A youngish blond fellow lounged casually
against the door, straightening as we approached.

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“Van, this is a friend of mine from New York, Doug Talbert.

Doug, this is Donovan MacKenzie.”

Double damn. This explained his silence this past week. He

was entertaining a man. I held my hand out and greeted Doug with
a firm handshake. The boy gushed at me until Shane punched his
shoulder.

“Don’t embarrass him, Doug. I need him humble for the

personnel meeting tomorrow.”

I laughed. Humble was not something I’d been called during

my career. Doug opened the car door for me, then climbed in the
back. Shane slid behind the wheel, and we were underway,
chatting about the Big Apple during the drive to St. Charles. We
were almost there when Shane glanced at me, then refocused on
the road ahead.

“I hope you don’t mind, Van, but I reserved one of the cabins

for you. It’s just as nice as the rooms. In fact, the cabin is just like
the suites on the inside, but you’ll have a lot more privacy when
you come and go.”

I shrugged. “Honestly, that’s fine with me. I do worry about

paparazzi showing up and making a nuisance for the resort.”

“Since you don’t have a car here yet, I’ll give you the keys to

this one.” He slowed and pointed at a shopping center on the
outskirts of town. “You might want to check out the coffee shop in
there.”

We passed the motel where I’d stayed last month. “Okay, I

think I have my bearings. The Globe is down that way.” I pointed,
and he confirmed.

Less than two miles farther along, I spied the sign for the ski

resort. Shane steered the car through the main gate and made a
right, following a long, winding, tree-lined road. We passed

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several quaint cabins before the car glided to a stop in front of one
set further back off the lane than most. A little red car with a New
York registration plate sat in front. I assumed it belonged to Doug
since Shane had offered me his Pontiac.

The cabin had a rustic but charming exterior, with a deep front

porch that held two rocking chairs. I had a vision of sitting there
with Shane, enjoying a cup of coffee or a nightcap, but I let it go.
Something heavy vibed between Shane and this Doug fellow. My
fantasies about a summer romance faded. I should be happy for
him that he’d found someone. Heck, maybe I would, too. I snapped
back to attention as Shane handed me the keys to the cabin and his
car.

“Do you need help getting settled in?”
I grunted as I worked the keys onto my key ring. “I think I can

handle my briefcase all by myself. Thanks for picking me up and
for the loan of the car. I owe you.”

Shane met my gaze, and I saw regret there. “You’re welcome.

Call me if you need anything. I’ll make myself available.”

I nodded and climbed out of the car. Doug fawned over me a

bit more, then unlocked his car and slid behind the wheel. Shane
paused a moment too long, his unhappy gaze giving me no real
clue to what he thought, then he got in the car with his friend and
slammed the door closed. Doug wasted no time in putting the little
street rod in gear and zooming away. I sighed and made my way
inside. Alone.

I guess I was the only one who felt the weird blue lightning

strike the bed last month. Shane had moved on.

The interior of the cabin was open and roomy, maybe eight

hundred square feet, with a lot of light from a pair of large
windows that filled the back wall. I laid my briefcase on the table

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and glanced around the room. There was the king-sized bed, a
sitting area with a comfortably long sofa and a small fireplace. The
kitchen area had a well-stocked mini-bar, a compact dinette set, a
single counter with a sink, two-burner ceramic cooktop, coffee pot,
and microwave. A double lavatory was in an alcove, with an open
door revealing the bathroom beyond.

A piece of literature about the satellite entertainment system

lay on the table, and I picked it up and crossed to fireplace to
investigate the first item listed. The deep picture frame over the
mantle swung out from the wall, to the left, to reveal a flat-screen
television. Ingenious, much like the refrigerator hidden behind
what looked like a paneled door. Yes, I’d be comfortable enough
living here for the next six months.

I’d be lonely, too, but that couldn’t be helped. I rummaged

around, found some generic ground coffee and put a pot on to
brew. While I waited, I plugged in my laptop, then called the main
office and requested delivery of my boxes.

Had Shane known his friend was coming to St. Charles? The

last time he’d called, eight days ago, he spoke quite eagerly about
my impending arrival. We talked a lot of trash at each other, sexy
innuendos that kept me on the edge of arousal. I didn’t remember
Shane even hinting he’d become involved with anyone, and I knew
he and Doug were more than friends.

I wanted to be pissed off about it, but I’d lived too long not to

realize that life doesn’t always flow in expected ways. Whatever
brings two people together is a strange and powerful force. I’d do
my best to be happy for them and not sad for myself.

My cartons arrived, and I spent the next half hour unpacking.

With that accomplished, I set out in the borrowed car to explore St.
Charles.

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* * *

Whoever said guys don’t like to shop didn’t know many gays.

Most of my friends had no problem diving into a store and finding
treasure. Neither did I.

The shopping center Shane had pointed out was a tempting

amalgamation of boutiques and well-known brand stores. I scored
some gourmet coffee beans that the clerk ground for me, biscotti,
muffins, six bottles of wine, three vanilla-scented jar candles with
one of those long-nozzle lighters, and a new electric razor. I’d have
enjoyed my mini-spending spree more if Shane had been with me,
but he wasn’t.

At the bookstore, I found some local publications, including a

single sheet advertisement for the nightlife in St. Charles, complete
with a map on the back. One place immediately caught my
attention, so I called and made a dinner reservation. I already
missed my Chelsea apartment, so a club with that name had some
appeal. With time to kill, I walked up and down the mostly
residential Main Street and tried not to dwell on the fact I was
alone in a strange place.

I was a big boy. I could entertain myself. Besides, once

rehearsals for Sumner’s Garden began next Wednesday, I hoped to
be too busy to worry about Shane boinking someone else.

Chelsea’s Pub was a total surprise. I thought I’d stepped back

in time into a Wild West saloon. Real dark oak floors and knotty
pine paneling gleamed richly in the low lighting. A long, long bar,
complete with huge etched mirrors for a backsplash, stretched the
length of the south wall. The hostess recognized me, and I signed a
napkin for her. My steak arrived about the same time the blues
band started to play.

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The trio was pretty good, playing mostly instrumentals at an

enjoyable decibel level. I sipped my Irish coffee and relaxed, at
least until I spotted Shane and Doug on the other side of the dining
room. I observed them openly, and they didn’t act like lovers. The
fact was, I’d bet they were arguing. I thought they both looked
upset.

End of the romance already? Perhaps. It saddened me, for their

sakes, if it was. Finding a stable relationship was a dream we all
held dear, and few of us ever realized. Sometimes, in the dark of
the night, I ached for someone to hold. I’d known early on my
relationship with Lynn would not be for life, but I’d never dreamed
he’d act with such venom as the romance faded. Hindsight being
perfect, I should have ended things with him after a few weeks, but
in the beginning, he was easy to get along with, and I was lonely.

Shane rose and disappeared into the small hallway that led to

the restrooms. For a moment, I was tempted to follow him for a
few words of conversation, but I managed to rein in the impulse. In
such a small town, it was inevitable that I’d run into him when I
was out and about in the community. I never did see him come
back into the dining area, and at the end of the band’s third set, I
motioned for my waitress and settled my tab.

I stepped out into the cool night air of spring and stopped dead

in my tracks. Shane leaned against the fender of my borrowed car.
It was his Pontiac, after all.

“Can I get a ride home, Van?”

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CHAPTER 5

I couldn’t refuse him, because it was his car, but I didn’t want

to land in the middle of a fight. I’d made it clear last month I
wasn’t into domestic drama.

“Where’s Doug?”
He didn’t move, not even a shrug of his shoulders. “Doug went

back to the motel.”

And Shane was here, waiting for me. My heart, ever hopeful,

leaped to places where my experience refused to allow me to
follow. I’d rushed into too many relationships in my life, turned a
few too many quick tricks.

I once heard it said that if you do as you always did, you end up

with what you’ve always gotten. I looked at Shane and wanted
something more than a warm body in my bed.

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“So you thought you’d…what? See if I’m in the mood?”
Shane shook his head. “No. I thought I’d see if you’d talk to

me.”

Spank him for messing with my head was more like it. “You

could’ve told me you’d met someone, Shane. I’d have
understood.”

“It’s not like that now, Van. Yeah, about a year ago, Doug and

I did have a little thing, or whatever, but we’re better as friends.
That’s all we’ll ever be and that’s what he’s here as.”

“Friends are nice to have. I’ll take you home, but not to my

cabin.”

He nodded and reached into his pocket. He must have had his

remote entry because the door locks popped open. “I didn’t want to
get in the car and scare the shit out you.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that.” I settled in the driver’s seat. “Nice

car, by the way.”

“Yeah, I like it. You wanna stop and get a cup of coffee?”
I unclenched my teeth to answer him. “No.”
“Please don’t be pissed at me. I didn’t ask Doug to show up on

my doorstep. I really want to spend the summer with you.”

He sounded sincere and sad, and I almost believed him. I might

have if he’d added Doug was leaving for good in the morning, but
he didn’t.

In my heart, I knew I’d better keep my focus on getting my

career back on track. I didn’t need to get mixed up with a man at
least a dozen years my junior just to have a fuck buddy for the
summer.

“I think it’s best if we concentrate on Sumner’s Garden and

that’s all.”

He didn’t talk after that, except to tell me where to turn. I

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dropped him off in the middle of a quiet, dark neighborhood, and
watched him unlock the front door of a brick Cape Cod. As soon as
he was safely inside, I drove away to find my own solitary bed.

* * *

I didn’t sleep well and blamed being in an unfamiliar place

with, to a city boy, all the eerie quiet surrounding me. The sounds
of my Chelsea neighborhood, a backdrop to my life, were absent. I
dreamed I suddenly became unable to hear and woke sweating.

I showered and dressed, then took my coffee and muffin to the

table to check my email. I wished I hadn’t.

Constance was doing her job—I couldn’t fault her for that—but

I’d hoped she’d think it too soon to announce I was doing summer
stock out in the boonies. I wanted to avoid the tabloids snooping
around as long as possible. She’d drawn a bull’s-eye on sleepy St.
Charles.

I zipped her off an email asking her to keep my activities low

profile until the production opened next month. I expected her to
ignore me.

The all-cast-and-crew personnel meeting started at ten o’clock

and lasted past noon. I left the briefing with increased respect for
Phil, Bob, and everyone else connected with The Globe. My
production notebook rivaled any I’d ever received for a Broadway
show. Work on Sumner’s Garden had begun well over a year ago,
and I was the last person brought onboard. Of course, I had the
least to do, production-wise. Basically, I had to learn my lines, hit
my marks, and be the lead performer, something I had a lot of
practice doing.

Shane was late, slipping in quietly and taking the seat next to

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mine. He looked bad, like he hadn’t slept. I couldn’t let that matter.
I had a job to do and made it a point not to press against his knee
beneath the table.

His notebook was a lot bigger than mine, fairly bulging with

information, and I peeked shamelessly as he gave his report.
Several of the volunteers at the meeting already had bits of the sets
constructed, and we passed snapshots around the table. I was
impressed with the relaxed, yet businesslike atmosphere everyone
created. Bob handed out the latest revised script and told us to
report for the first rehearsal Wednesday at seven o’clock. In the
morning.

I groaned inwardly at the early hour. I’d hoped life in the

country would allow me the luxury of sleeping later every day. As
the meeting adjourned, Phil motioned for Bob, Shane, and me to
stay in our seats.

We had a short chat, and I reassured them my accommodations

were more than acceptable. I also gave them the heads-up on the
press release. They’d seen it and didn’t seem concerned about the
paparazzi landing in quiet St. Charles. I didn’t share their attitude,
but silenced my fears. They were right. Ultimately, we had little
control if mayhem ensued. Our business concluded, I told them
they’d see me Wednesday and excused myself. When I stepped out
of the men’s room, Shane waited for me.

His drawn, pale face and the dark smudges under his eyes made

me pause.

“You look like hell.”
“I feel like hell. I don’t know how to make things right with

you if you won’t believe me.”

“I believe you, Shane. You said you didn’t know he was

coming here. Well, okay, people surprise us. I know that. But he is

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here, and you are involved with him, and I can’t afford the
distraction.”

That wasn’t what I wanted to say to him. It wasn’t even close. I

wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him to send Doug
packing. I needed him to prove to me he wasn’t planning to fuck
me and any other guy at the same time. But one night with him
didn’t give me the right.

He nodded, his eyes sad. “I don’t know what else to say except

I’m sorry, Van.”

The ice around my heart cracked. I managed a smile for him.

“I’m sorry, too.”

Shane reached out and smoothed the lapel of my jacket,

although it didn’t need it. This might be as close as I ever got to
him again. God help me, but I couldn’t walk away without
touching him one more time. I grasped his hips and pulled him,
unresisting, to me.

His arms snaked up around my neck, holding me with his

fierce, young strength. We pressed together, chest-to-chest and
thigh-to-thigh. I breathed in his scent and kissed his hair,
committing the feel of him to memory, then I gently pulled away.

“I’m flying back to the city tomorrow, then driving my own car

back on Tuesday. I’ll put the key under the mat and leave your car
at the cabin since you have your keyless entry.”

His hands came to rest on my shoulders. “How are you getting

to the airport?”

“I cut a deal with a kid who works at the resort. He’s agreed to

be my go-fer when I need one, provided he’s off-shift.”

Shane accepted that, nodding, his gaze somewhere past me. I

was poignantly reminded of his youth. Would he listen to my
advice?

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“Shane, if you have any doubts about Doug, do yourself and

him a favor, and end it. I didn’t do that with Lynn and I paid a high
price for it.”

“It’s not like that, man! I told you. I don’t sleep with him any

more. That’s in the past. We’re just friends now.”

“Lots of things are in the past,” I told him as gently as I could.

It was all over him that he wanted to argue with me, but his
shoulders slumped, and his eyes had a vacant look to them. It took
every ounce of willpower I possessed not to touch him again.

“Shane, what’s really wrong?”
“Nothing. You don’t want anything to do with me. Well, okay,

I’ll get over it.” With that, he turned and walked away, his long
strides quickly putting a lot of distance between us.

I watched him go with a sinking feeling in my gut. I’d bungled

that, and badly. Maybe in a few days I could approach him and
offer an olive branch. I’d like to be his friend if he could handle it,
but I wasn’t sure he could. I wished it didn’t, but it hurt to let him
go. There was nothing left for me to do but go back to the cabin
and start studying the script, so I did.

Learning new lines came easily to me. It should, considering

I’d been doing it for twenty-five years. With the arrival of laptop
computers and voice recognition software, I’d developed a method
that allowed me to work alone, without a reader or coach. I put on
the headset and read my lines. Like magic, the words appeared on
the screen. With that done, I started the process of memorization.

I’d read and practice a bit, then put the headset on and speak,

letting the words flow into a new document. By comparing the
two, it was easy to see how well I was doing. The afternoon edged
toward evening before I grew too mentally fatigued to continue.
I’d made good progress and decided to treat myself to room

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service, a long, hot soak in the tub, and an early bedtime.

A good plan for an evening alone, but I was too restless to

enjoy it. My mind kept replaying the scene with Shane, attempting
to find a way to salvage at least his friendship.

My dinner was a perfectly baked and delicious lemon pepper

haddock. I opened one of the white wines to go with it and limited
myself to two glasses. I counted on the wine and the hot bathwater
to help me sleep, and I was sleepy right up to the moment my head
hit the pillow. I closed my eyes and a Technicolor movie of my life
reeled out in the darkness.

I’d always wanted to be an actor, and my looks had gotten me

there. I auditioned for a director who recognized I was gay when I
barely had a name for how I felt. I was lucky. He befriended me, at
least until my eighteenth birthday, after which time I shared his
bed. He taught me a lot about being gay, and a gay man, in
Hollywood.

Somewhere around the time I turned twenty-three, I realized I

was too old for his preferences, and we both moved on. By then, I
had established myself as a bankable talent. I became a headliner
four years later. My star power lasted ten years until the best parts
began to go other talent. It was a good run, but the writing was on
the wall that I had to look at other venues and accept secondary
roles to keep working.

I wasn’t bitter. I knew how the system worked. I was careful to

keep my sexual orientation private, but people caught on. When I
met Lynn, he moved in with me, and the studios and producers
took notice. Nearing my fortieth birthday, I’d refused to let it
worry me. I was old enough to live the way I wanted to live.

Then Lynn exacted his revenge, but life went on and I met

someone I was incredibly attracted to in the person of Shane

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Hollister.

And somehow, I’d fucked it up. Again.
He said he and Doug were no longer lovers. Was it fair to him

not to give him the benefit of the doubt? I’d taken him home after
he’d said his friend was at the motel.

I wanted the chance to be with him this summer. Spending

some time together while Sumner’s Garden had its run wasn’t
making a life commitment. Why did I suddenly behave as if it
was?

I had a choice. I could lie here in the dark and feel sorry for

myself, or I could call him and eat crow. It was only ten-thirty. My
heart beat in a strange, erratic rhythm as I picked up my cell phone
and scrolled to his number.

It was the wrong choice. I snapped the phone closed and settled

in for a long night.

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CHAPTER 6

My trip home brought to light an unsettling fact: someone had

tampered with my car. I blamed myself for parking it on the street
against my mechanic’s warnings. Apparently, auto part thieves
abounded these days and the catalytic converter was a prime target.
He surmised crooks had targeted my vehicle and been interrupted,
damaging the fuel line in their haste to flee. It sounded plausible. I
paid the repair bill and counted myself lucky no one had been
injured, namely me. At loose ends, I called a friend and invited
him to dinner.

We met at a popular, dimly lit restaurant on 52

Street. A few

heads turned as we walked in, recognition mixing with surprise in
their curious gazes. I smiled and nodded, praying with every step
that I wouldn’t have to spend the next thirty minutes signing

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autographs. The rich mélange of steaks grilling, vegetables
cooking, and desserts baking had my stomach eager for food.

I was approached for an autograph after we were seated. I

signed the girl’s placemat and posed for a picture with her. I
wasn’t too upset at the intrusion. It made for happy fans.

That opened the floor gates. Cameras and cell phones buzzed,

flashed, and clicked all around me, then the room returned to
normal, and I was able to eat my steak in relative peace. I hailed a
cab and went home, alone.

The next morning, the tabloids had my friend’s face splashed

on the front page, calling him “Donny’s Mystery Man.” God, I
hated being called “Donny.” His partner reassured me the
headlines would soon be forgotten and laughed the whole thing
off.

I was less sanguine about that, and my return to St. Charles

bore out my instincts. All conversation stopped when I stepped
into the grand foyer of The Globe on Wednesday morning, my
briefcase slung over my shoulder. Across the silent room, Shane’s
accusatory gaze slammed into mine. I walked up to Phil and
apologized as he handed me a cup of black coffee.

“I’m sorry about those photos, Phil. It was naïve of me to think

I could go out to dinner with a friend and not be spotted.”

“It’s not all bad. Some of the press mentioned you were here

for the summer. I’ll never turn down free advertising.”

“Thanks for being so understanding. I really do not want to do

anything to embarrass The Globe.”

Phil smiled. “You’re not. We know every move you make will

be scrutinized and you’ll be professional about it. Now, you’d
better grab one of the raspberry Danish while they last.”

With that, he clapped me on the back and returned to working

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the room. I didn’t want a Danish, raspberry or any other flavor, and
looked for something that wouldn’t make my jeans too tight at the
waist. My resolve folded when I spotted the lox and I cheerfully
smeared a generous amount on a plain bagel.

My common sense warred with itself over my need to say

something to Shane. If the obvious pain in his angry gaze was any
indication, he’d seen the tabloids, and I’d come out on the short
end of his opinions. He stood with a motley-looking group dressed
in work clothes. I assumed they were his volunteer carpenters and
set builders. Shane handed out folders as I approached.

“Work assignments have been updated. Sheila, you’ve got the

biggest change. It’s in act two, but don’t panic. Phil has allocated
funds for you to do a little shopping.” He looked at me. “Everyone,
this is Donovan MacKenzie.”

They greeted me warmly, shaking my hand and shyly asking

for photographs. I stalled them.

“Let’s wait until after the work day is over, then I’m all yours.

We don’t want to annoy Mr. Hollister by shirking our duties.”

Mr. Hollister was already annoyed, and they knew it. Shane

clapped his hands twice.

“He’s right, people. Let’s get moving. A lot of you took off

work today, so let’s cover as much territory as possible and not
waste your personal leave time.”

They scattered like dandelion seeds on the wind, leaving Shane

and me staring at each other—me uneasy, and him angry. His
anger found words.

“You condemn me for having a friend visit, but then run right

straight back to New York to yours. Good going, Donovan.”

“I don’t trick my friends.”
A flush spread slowly up his neck. “Okay, so some of the guys

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I’ve had sex with first, later became my friends. Big deal. Lovers
are a dime a dozen. Friends aren’t.”

“Exactly. And the man I was photographed with is a friend. I

apologized to Phil for the gossip rag headlines, and now let me tell
you. I’m sorry, Shane.”

“Yeah, sure. Sorry your little rendezvous became public

knowledge. I get it, Van. I really do. We’re done here. Now don’t
you have work to do?”

Continuing the conversation was impossible. “I hope we can

get along better than this, Shane. And yes, I’ve got work. If you
want to talk this out, you call me.”

I turned and walked away from him, the sadness inside me

growing. So many “maybes,” and I had little hope for any of them.
I tossed what was left of my bagel in the trash and arrived early for
the director’s meeting.

Bob waved off my apology, echoing Phil’s sentiment that all

free publicity was good. My co-star Tim Jennings arrived, and we
sat in the orchestra pit and got acquainted. We liked each other
instantly.

Sumner’s Garden was a story about a man on the cusp of

middle age, embittered by the rejection of his father and the
failures of his life. It wasn’t a new theme, not by any stretch of the
imagination, but the dialogue was a brilliantly written mix of wit,
irony, and realism.

Sumner, played by Tim, was an older man who advertises for a

handy-man/gardener type. My character, Andy Pulaski, applies for
the job. In the course of the summer, as the carefully tended garden
grows, Sumner guides Andy through an emotional reckoning with
his life. There were moments I hoped to avoid sobbing my way
through, and an equal amount of lines I prayed I didn’t piss myself

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laughing as Tim delivered them.

Bob ran a tight meeting. I was pleased enough with the

schedule. Sumner’s Garden would be on stage Tuesday, Thursday
and Friday evenings, and Sunday afternoons, from May through
September. General cast gatherings would be late on Monday
afternoons, immediately after those people who worked regular
jobs got off work. Business concluded, we did a complete read-
through of the play. At two o’clock, Bob cut everyone loose. Since
Tim was retired, Bob allowed us to set our own rehearsal time for
tomorrow, as long as we reported by eight o’clock. In the morning.

Yes, life in the country was a brave new world for me.
I shoved my script, schedules, and other assorted papers into

my briefcase and looked around for Shane. I was alone in the
theater.

I found a spot about twenty rows back, center stage, and

scrunched down in the seat. What had the place looked like back
then through a younger Shane’s eyes? It was hard for me to
imagine. My first love was the silver screen and the love of live
theater came much later in my life. Awareness that I was no longer
alone crept down my spine. My heart raced on a wave of foolish
hope. I turned and started to sweat. Would we argue again?

“Shane.”
“Van.”
I shifted in my seat, facing forward again as my ears strained to

catch sounds of his movements. My whole being stretched toward
him as he settled in the seat behind me.

“I don’t want…”
“Listen, Van…” He squeezed my shoulder. “Let me talk, but

just don’t turn around. Please.”

I nodded and took a quick breath.

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“I’m sorry for acting like a shit. Doug showing up here…well,

it sorta threw me off balance. I was…upset, and I didn’t react well
to him, or to you. Can we…will you have dinner with me? Just
dinner. So we can maybe get back on the same page with each
other. If you need to think about it, that’s okay.”

“I don’t need to think about it, Shane. Call me when Doug’s

gone, and we’ll set a date.”

“He’s gone. He left Sunday evening.”
Just dinner. That was about all my pounding heart could

handle, and I knew it. “Then I’d love to have dinner with you,
tonight if that’s not rushing it.”

“No, it’s not.” His hand came to rest on my shoulder again. The

skin on the back of my neck prickled at the strain in his voice. “We
really need to talk, and I don’t know where to start.”

“At the beginning?”
Shane laughed, or choked, or coughed, or all three at once, it

was hard to tell for sure. I couldn’t sit still any longer. I needed to
touch him, so I hopped over the back of my seat and sank down
beside him. He reached for me, and I wrapped my arms around
him and prayed neither Phil nor Bob nor anyone else was still
inside The Globe. I quickly forgot to care as I realized Shane
struggled to breathe, his face pressed against my neck.

“Hey, babe, what is wrong? Tell me.”
“I’m in the clear…you have to know that first.”
My entire body went cold, then flushed hot, only to freeze

again. The bottom dropped out of my stomach, and the world took
a dizzying spin. “What do you mean, Shane?”

He fought for breath to speak, and I didn’t rush him. “I’m HIV

negative, okay?”

Dear God. I held him tighter as knowledge, sure as if he’d

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already told me, crashed into place.

“Hell, yes, that’s okay. But…Doug? That’s why he was here?

Was he positive when you and he…”

“Yeah.”
During our one night together, he’d confessed to being unsure

about his status. Had he suspected he might be infected? I
swallowed the hot burst of anger that swelled in my chest. He said
he was negative now. His doubts of a month ago hardly mattered at
this moment.

“When did you get your test results?”
“About two hours ago.”
“Jeez, Shane, that’s enough to bring any man to his knees.” I

cradled the back of his head, torn between the need to comfort him
and the need to get the hell out of the theater. “Let’s go to my
cabin. I’ll fix you a cup of tea or something.”

He almost laughed. “What? You don’t have any good drugs?”
“Joke all you want, babe. If you’ve spent the last days waiting

for those test results, you’ve earned it.” I let go of him long enough
to fish a wad of unused napkins from an outside pocket of my
briefcase. “Here. Blow your nose, and let’s get going before
someone sees us and gets nosy.”

Shane did as ordered, then took a deep breath. “Thanks. I guess

you think I’m a pain in the ass.”

“I’ve been told the good ones always are.” I patted his knee,

then stood and held my hand out to him. He grasped it firmly, and I
pulled him to his feet. “Are you fit to drive?”

He nodded, and I believed him. With the resilience of a young

man, it appeared he’d bounced back to near normal following the
release of pent-up emotions. I envied him. Perhaps I’d indulge in a
primal scream, or three, once I’d reached the privacy of my car.

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“You go on, Van. I have to lock up.”
I didn’t want to leave him, not now we’d been able to weave

such fragile threads of understanding around us again. But I knew
he took his responsibilities at The Globe seriously, so I smiled for
him and grabbed my briefcase. By the time I reached my car, my
knees quivered so badly I practically fell into it.

Would he have told me if he’d tested HIV positive? I liked to

think he would have done the right thing. We’d been careful
enough, although not in the strictest of safe sex practices. And
what of those lovers he’d had since Doug? If the results had been
different, would he be able to contact them? The speculation was
pointless and only served to further fray my nerves. It was my
mind’s way of turning me away from something I needed to
examine, and soon—the strength of my attraction to Shane
Hollister.

I’d lost two close friends to AIDS. I’d cried with them when

they got the diagnosis and I’d cried when they’d passed. I’d been
angry, too. I was still angry. I closed my car door and let my head
fall back against the seat, suddenly exhausted, my joints weak with
relief I wouldn’t need to mourn that beautiful young man. It took
me a few moments to stop shaking and start the car.

Shane wanted to take me to dinner. I wanted to take him to bed.

More than that, I wanted him in my life.

Was I a fool to hope we’d work it out?

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CHAPTER 7

I arrived at my summer digs to find Shane sitting on the porch

in a rocking chair, his briefcase propped against the door. It didn’t
surprise me he’d arrived before me. It had taken me a while to start
my car and get moving. I dropped my briefcase beside his before
sinking down in the other rocker with a weary sigh. He reached
over and took my hand.

“I’m sorry, Van.”
I sighed as I linked my fingers through his. I didn’t need to

dredge up my hurt and anger over the last few days again. I was a
firm believer in letting go of the hurts of the past, as much as
possible, and moving forward. It seemed to me a saner way to live.

“Stop saying that, babe. You’re healthy. Everything else pales

in comparison.”

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His chair started to rock slowly. I tried not to smile as I moved

my chair, synchronizing the motion with him. Shane grinned at
me. In the afternoon light, I noticed the dark smudges beneath his
eyes. I squeezed his hand.

“Steak. I want a nice, thick steak for dinner.”
“Red meat is bad for you, you know?”
“Beat me, Shane.”
He let out a long, exaggerated sigh. “You’d like it way too

much. Okay. I know just where to go.” Shane fished his cell phone
out of his pocket and pressed a button. I listened quietly as he
made an early reservation for two.

“That must be a good place if you have it on speed dial.”
“Bite me, Van. Tell me you have something non-alcoholic here

to drink.”

“If my go-fer did his job, I’ve got some ginger ale. Why don’t

you keep rocking, and I’ll go see.”

Shane nodded, and I rolled to my feet with the motion of my

chair. I leaned over him and kissed him. Warned by an inner voice,
I didn’t linger at his lips, even after I tasted his hope. We were both
on edge, unsure of what to say to each other.

I unlocked the door and took both briefcases inside. His was

heavy, packed solid, and I suspected his laptop was inside. I laid
both of them on the table beside my shopping list and a receipt. My
helper had gotten all but one item on my list, but he’d scribbled a
note he’d get that as soon as possible. I was pleased at his diligence
and decided to slip him a bigger tip. I poured two ginger ales and
took them outside. The corner of Shane’s mouth twitched as I
approached, but he didn’t open his eyes. I placed a glass in his
open hand and sat in my rocker.

“I guess you’ve not been sleeping too well.”

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He turned his head and looked at me with wary eyes. “You

guess correctly. Do you need to know I spent a night with Doug in
his motel room? With my pants on, I swear.”

“No, I don’t need to know.” But I was certainly glad he told

me.

“Well, then, I won’t find it necessary to tell you he needed a

friend and a shoulder.”

“I should think he would. I’m glad he was man enough to come

tell you.”

“Yeah, so am I, but now I don’t know what to do for him.”
The best thing he could do right now was the hardest. I knew

because I’d been there. It ripped open a man’s guts to know all he
could do was stand beside a friend, sometimes unable to do more
than watch when the world unraveled. Later, the time might come
to do more.

“Keep being his friend, Shane, even if it gets difficult.”
“I’ve got that part covered. Are you pissed at me?”
“No, babe, I’m not. I was actually more confused than angry.

Things make a lot of sense to me now I know you weren’t jerking
me around.”

“Can we still have the summer?”
My heart pounded with a wild hope. I’d never been the older

man in a relationship before. It felt a little strange to step so
smoothly into that role, even though I knew it would happen
sooner or later. My own experiences whispered he needed to hear
me say it first. I reached for his hand again.

“There’s nothing I’d like better.”
He sighed again, and after a few minutes, I realized he’d dozed

off. I carefully slipped the glass from his hand and set it on the
deck. I didn’t think he’d nap for long, but I wanted to spare him

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waking up to a lapful of cold soda. I checked the time. I could let
him snooze for about half an hour.

The afternoon sunlight crept its way under the porch roof,

slanting in from the west to cast dark shadows across the deck. My
shadow rocked slowly, growing ever more elongated. I had things I
could do, or at least should do, but I deemed watching over my
companion while he slept more important. I’d have to wake him
soon enough.

I leaned forward, dropped my face into my hands and rubbed

my temples. A gentle hand caressed the length of my side.

“Looks like I’m not the only one who’s tired.”
“The first rehearsal of a new show is nerve-wracking for me.

Are you ready to go?”

Shane patted my back and stood, groaning and stretching. “I’ll

be ready in a sec.”

I followed him inside, idly staring out the window until it was

my turn to slip into the bathroom. When I came out, I found Shane
perched on the edge of the bed. Would he share that bed with me
tonight? I held my hand out to him.

“C’mon. I’ll drive. You navigate.”
He took my hand, shaking his head. With persistent strength,

he pulled me to him, lying back on the bed as I braced myself
above him.

“This isn’t getting us fed, Shane.”
His smoky gaze held mine. I couldn’t break free. “There’s food

for the body and then there’s food for the soul.”

“We have a reservation.”
“I can cancel it, and we can call for a pizza.” His hand snaked

between us to cup my balls. “Later.”

“Then do it now, before I kiss you, because after I do, I won’t

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let you go.”

He didn’t hesitate. While he was talking, extending his

apologies and regrets, I eased his bulging zipper down and
unsnapped his jeans. Behind me, I heard two soft thuds as his
shoes hit the floor. He closed his cell phone and tossed it in the
general direction of the pillows.

Shane’s hands trembled as he unbuckled my belt and unzipped

my fly. I pushed off the mattress and pulled my shirt over my head.
He tried to shimmy his way out of his jeans, and I gave them a tug.
Shane rolled away from me and stood. Our pants dropped to the
floor in unison.

We didn’t hurry as we undressed, nor did we spend a lot of

time touching each other. My pulse quickened as I looked at his
cock, hanging heavy against his pelted thigh. He watched me, too,
his gaze hot and greedy as I stroked myself, rolling back my
foreskin to enjoy the cool air on my exposed glans.

Finally naked, Shane stretched out on the bed, lying on his left

side. His fingers moved slowly over his shaft. I retrieved three
condoms from the drawer and tossed the packets and lube on the
bed, then lay beside him, facing him. His fingertips traced patterns
on my chest. I touched his face.

“What is it?”
He swallowed, his throat moving convulsively. He licked his

lips. “I thought I’d never get to do this again. With anyone. Who
would want me if I were HIV positive?”

“A decent man, Shane. One who truly cared for you.”
I kissed him then, weaving my fingers into his dark hair as I

pulled him to me. I tried not to rush him, to let him come to meet
me, but something dark and needy burst to life inside me. I wanted
him in a new way that told me I was in too deep with him. His lips

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opened and his tongue licked into mine.

His strong fingers dug into my buttocks with bruising force.

Inching closer, our erections rubbed, trapped between our bodies.
Sweat broke out under my arms. I fought back the urge to roll him
over and sink into him. The memory of fear was too fresh in him
for me to pull a move like that without protection. Pulling my lips
from his was like breaking apart two strong magnets.

“Tell me what you need, Shane.”
“You. Your mouth on me.” He bared his teeth in a way that had

nothing to do with aggression. “You. Inside me.”

I would give him what he wanted. I reached for a condom.
Pushing him onto his back, I bit down on the corner of the

wrapper, ripped it open with my teeth and laid it aside for when I
needed it. It was pure Hollywood, and I ignored him as he
snickered at me. His amusement was short-lived, becoming a long,
drawn out moan as I slid my mouth down over him in one smooth
movement. The scent of his maleness, such a heady, fertile musk,
swamped my senses. I inhaled deeply and let his rich fragrance
imprint on my brain.

Shane’s muscled thighs tensed under my caress. His pelvis rose

and fell as I moved up and down over him, seeking what would
give him the most sensation. Throaty sounds rolled out of him
when I applied firmer pressure to his shaft. His fingers snaked into
my hair, then closed over the back of my neck. I encircled the base
of his dick with two fingers and kept to the rhythm I’d set.

His grip tightened on my neck, and my name became a

breathless, groaning mantra on his lips. I didn’t stop, knowing the
threshold was upon him. A dark flush spread from his chest, up
across the taut skin that covered his strong cheekbones. His ragged
breathing grew strained and his hand dropped away.

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“Stop, Van. Just stop.”
Reluctantly, I raised my head and looked at him, but kept my

fingers around his shaft, moving slowly. “Let it happen, Shane.”

“I can’t.”
That was his nerves talking, a holdover from the stresses of the

last ten days. He could let go and climax, and he would. I had no
intention of allowing him to shortchange himself. I released him
and reached for the condom and lube. His sweaty brow furrowed.

“What are you doing?”
“Close your eyes, Shane. Do it.”
He didn’t listen, but watched me intently as I suited up, rolling

the condom to the base of my cock. I squirted a glob of lube on his
belly, expecting a protest that didn’t come. Shane moaned, restless,
his whole body flexing seductively. I dipped my fingers in the gel.
His eyes closed. His legs rose and he braced his feet against my
shoulders.

“Now look at me, damn it.” I pressed my slick fingers to him,

willing him to obey. He did.

His gaze collided with mine as I very slowly pushed my fingers

into him. Carefully, gently, I massaged the tension out of him.
When he’d relaxed enough, I knelt over him, spreading the
remainder of the lube over my sheathed tool. Shane’s knees
lowered to grip my ribs. Heart pounding, my body slid over
sensitive skin that suddenly yielded to me. We both jumped and
then I was inside him.

It didn’t take long for him to accept the error of his words. Tiny

muscles inside him danced around my invading cock. I braced
myself on one arm, stroking his erection with my free hand. His
head thrashed back and forth on the pillows as he writhed beneath
me. His lips moved, silently saying my name over and over. His

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hands grasped my arms as his shoulders lifted. A sudden, sharp
sound passed his lips, and his cock pulsed hotly in my hand as his
semen pooled on his stomach. Barely able to breathe, I watched the
orgasm take him.

I burned from the inside out. My abdominal muscles clenched

to the point of pain as I fought to stay in control. My sac pulled up
tight to my body. Every beat of my heart pounded in my ears and
vision. Sweet oblivion beckoned, but I refused to let it happen until
I knew he’d finished. And when he had, his body suddenly limp
under mine, I reached for the sensation that lay coiled at the base
of my spine. It sprang free, spiraling outward in a wave that
slammed me into blessed darkness. The bliss was short-lived, but
for once, I didn’t care. I was more concerned with Shane.
Vibrating with the last moments of orgasm, still pulsing, I carefully
pulled out and let him draw me down into the wetness on his belly,
and to his lips.

His mouth moved on mine with an eagerness that spoke of

passion unabated, and I slipped my hands beneath his head,
cradling it. He sighed, his breath gentle on my cheek. I kissed his
eyes, the strong chin, his dewy neck, and all the while, he held me
while the sweat ran off both our bodies to dampen the sheet
beneath us. Groaning, I moved sideways, off him.

He rolled away from me and quickly disappeared into the

bathroom. My knees still trembled with the peculiar after-sex
weakness they always had as I followed him. Shane turned on the
shower while I peeled off the condom. He stepped under the spray,
and I climbed in behind him, wrapped my arms around his waist,
and let the water cascade over both of us. We stood there,
unmoving, until the water ran cold.

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CHAPTER 8

I loaned Shane the one pair of sweat pants I’d brought to St.

Charles, and I pulled on the one pair of pajama bottoms I had with
me. If the pizza delivery boy had any pithy quips in his repertoire
for finding two guys so attired in the early evening, he kept them to
himself. My taste buds, primed for steak, got over their
disappointment as the aroma of pepperoni and mushrooms with
double cheese on a very thin crust filled the cabin air.

Shane snooped through the cupboards of my little kitchen,

while I maneuvered the pizza slices onto plates.

“Wine and coffee. Is that the sum total of the Donovan

MacKenzie necessities?”

I nibbled the back of his neck, smiling as he shivered. “Not

hardly. I need to lay in a supply of cookies, grapes, and fudge bars

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to really be happy.”

Shane wrinkled his nose. “You’re a strange one, Van.” He

turned and ran his hands up my arms.

“Oh, I’m not so different than a thousand other guys.” I kissed

him lightly. His stomach rumbled, so I added a quick peck on the
cheek and moved away. He’d confessed earlier his appetite had
been off, but now he was hungry enough to eat the large pizza by
himself.

“So you say.” He pinched my nipple, and I swatted at him.
I handed him a filled plate and a beer, then pointed at the

couch. “Find something on the television. No sports.”

I joined him on the sofa, balancing my plate on a throw pillow.

Shane juggled wolfing down a slice of pizza and flicking through
the channels with the remote control. Mouth full, he bounced up
and down, chewing furiously.

“Oh…my God!” He wheezed and coughed. I thought he had

choked, but it wasn’t that. He waved the hand holding the pizza at
the television set. “Oh, my God! That’s Bailey’s Turn! That’s one
of your movies.”

“Just shoot me now,” I muttered.
Shane was so engrossed watching the action on the screen he

didn’t hear me, which was just as well. He cackled with glee.

“We sneaked in the back door of the St. Charles movie house

to see that.”

I didn’t need to ask who “we” were. He would have been about

seventeen when Bailey’s Turn hit the silver screen. “We” would be
Shane and his high school buddies. I swilled down half my beer.
He stared at me, mouth open.

“You’re embarrassed. You are fucking embarrassed! Why?”
I clicked off the top three reasons. I had plenty more, but if I

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were very lucky, he wouldn’t ask if the rumors about my female
co-star and me were true. They were, to my great chagrin. I’d hate
to have to confess to my lover that I’d done her—and she didn’t
complain. Heck, I hated to admit it to myself, most dark nights.

“It was a long time ago. It wasn’t a good script. I’ve learned a

lot since then.”

He blinked at me. “Well, yeah. But…but…God, Van, you were

hot in this flick. Everyone else wanted to ogle Katie Bohne’s jiggly
tits. I went to gawk at your bare ass.”

I sputtered around a bite of pizza. “What do you…” I forced

the food down my throat. “What do you mean I was hot? You
don’t think I’m still sexy?”

His jaw dropped. “I didn’t mean that. I swear! You’re

extremely sexy for being over forty.”

I set my plate aside. “Why, you little brat, I’m going to beat

your ass for that.” Grinning, I grabbed him.

“Don’t spill my beer, Van. Van!”
I hauled him across my knees. He bucked against me, but his

laughter hindered his efforts. Besides, he was too busy keeping his
bottle upright to find a leverage point. I smacked his firm buttocks.
He yelped, even though I didn’t strike him with all that much
force.

“Oh, boy, I wish I could rip your pants off, but that’s the only

pair of sweats I have here.”

Whack!
Choking with laughter, he tried to talk. “I w-wish you c-could,

too!”

Whack!
“Your ass would be so cute with red palm prints all over it.”
Whack! “From my hand!”

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Whack!
“K-keep it up, ya old f-f-fucker. I’m g-gettin’ a hard-on.”
I dumped him onto the floor, and he quickly set his beer safely

aside and rolled to his knees. He shucked down the sweats, freed
his engorged dick, and shook it at me. “This is your fault.”

“You’re a tempting little morsel, you know that?”
He stroked his cock and a pearlescent drop appeared. “How

tempting?”

I let what Scottish brogue I had left come out. “Gi’ ye rosy red

wee arse back in yon bed, and I’ll be showin’ ye.”

Shane laughed. “I’ve gotta eat. Sex can wait.”
I gave into common sense and patted the spot beside me. He

had gone whipcord thin since I first met him.

“Yeah, you do need food. Come back up here beside me, and I

promise to let you eat. I bet you’ve lost ten pounds since last
month.”

“Try this past week.” He hopped to his feet and went to the

kitchen. “You want another slice?”

“No, you can have it.” I snatched the remote and pushed the off

button. I’d had enough of my face on the television. I kicked back
to drink my beer while he finished off the pizza.

It was…more than nice sitting on the couch with Shane. I had a

happy glow inside from horsing around with him. I’d been so
serious for so long, it felt good to act foolish. Maybe a younger
man was just what I needed.

I had to be careful in my thinking. I didn’t want to vibe to him

that I wanted him to stay with me after Sumner’s Garden’s run was
over, even if he wanted to. He’d talked about us spending time
together as a summer thing as much as I had. Only now I was here,
with him, and my sense of things unspoken between us alluded to a

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lot more than having each other for a season.

Could I really be all out and proud, and still work? Some guys

pulled it off, but I wasn’t sure I was one of them. I was one of
those unlucky thespians who had to get on the other side of the
middle-aged hump and into a more distinguished older man look
before the best roles would come back to me. Maybe if I were
discreet, my sexual orientation wouldn’t become much of an issue,
but it might be harder to accomplish with a partner.

Now wasn’t the time to dwell on possibilities years down the

road. I wanted to enjoy being with Shane in the here and now. I
chuckled as he leaned back and groaned.

“I’m so stuffed. I can’t believe I ate so much.”
I leaned over and rubbed his lightly furred belly. It was hard as

a rock.

“We’ll let dinner settle and then I’ll help you work some of it

off.”

“Right. Hey, can I help you rehearse your lines?”
“Maybe. Are you staying all night?”
I hadn’t meant to let that question fall out of my mouth, but

there it was.

A shadow crossed his face. “I can’t. Dad’s better every day, but

I worry.”

Before I could think, and stop the words, I snapped at him,

“Did you worry the night you spent in a motel room with Doug?”

He paled, then flushed an angry red. His cool blue-gray gaze

froze me. I saw the effort it took for him to remain calm.

“Yeah, Van. I did. Dad blames himself for my mother’s death.

He was driving when some kid ran a red light and broadsided their
car. I’ve got to live my life, but sometimes I get scared to go home
for fear of what I’ll find.”

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That was a heavy cloud to live under. I didn’t doubt his fears,

or the fact that sometimes he needed an emotional break. I needed
to help him handle the stress, not add to it with petty sniping.

“I’m sorry, Shane, for your loss, and my too quick words. I

didn’t realize you needed to be that concerned about your father.”

Shane glared at me for several very long moments. “Don’t be a

shit with me. You don’t have any right to question or judge me.”

“I know. You’re right.” I held out my hand to him, palm up.

“I’d like for you to stay whenever you can.”

He refused to touch me. It hurt, and a lot more than I should

have allowed it to. He tipped his beer bottle and guzzled the last
few ounces. When he reached for his pants, my heart dropped to
my knees. I’d brought it on myself, so I couldn’t say anything to
him. To my surprise and relief, he fished his cell phone out of the
pocket. I kept my mouth firmly closed as he punched in a few
numbers. I listened as he made arrangements for one of his sisters
to check on their father. Shane flipped his phone closed and tossed
it, clattering, onto the coffee table.

“There you go, Van. I’m all yours for the night. Happy now?”
“With you, yes. With myself, not so much.”
“It’s going to be a long summer unless you get used to the fact

I have responsibilities. I can’t drop my life to be your boy toy for
six months.”

“Honestly, babe, I don’t want you to be my boy toy. I want you

to be my equal.”

His eyebrows drifted upward as he blinked at me. He couldn’t

know I was as surprised at saying it as he was at hearing it, but it
was the truth. I didn’t want him to respond, so I made a suggestion.
“It’s been a long, tiring day. Why don’t we just accept the fact I
can be an idiot and relax?”

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He snorted. “Whatever you say.” Shane stretched his arms over

his head, and I admired his lean frame again. He saw me looking
and grinned at me.

“I have a little work to do, then I’ll help you read your lines.

Okay?”

I agreed and, between friendly gropes and squeezes, we set up

our computers across from each other on the dining room table. It
didn’t take long for his bare toes to wiggle in under my balls. I
spread my thighs, and since he was careful, enjoyed the teasing.
After a while, he got up and started a pot of coffee. When the
brewer beeped, I poured each of us a cup.

I answered some correspondences and watched his focus as he

worked. Shane hummed, made faces, chewed on a finger, fidgeted
in his seat, but his intent gaze never wavered from his screen. He
was dialed in to the gift of his creativity, that intangible
“something,” which fueled his genius. Those long fingers kept
running through his hair, getting me hotter and hotter, but I gritted
my teeth and waited for him to complete whatever task he’d set
himself to do tonight. Finally, he leaned back and stretched.

“I’m going cross-eyed. Let me take a break, and I’ll be ready to

help you read your lines.”

“Forget rehearsing. Let’s turn in for the night.”
Shane fanned his lovely black eyelashes at me over his mug.

“Why, Mr. MacKenzie, what do you have in mind?”

“You on your back again.”
He set his coffee down. “You’re about to be disappointed. I

don’t bottom much, and once a night is all I’m agreeing to.”

“And if I go down on one knee and beg?”
Shane cupped his genitals. “You can go down on something

else and beg. You might have better luck.”

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I snorted at him, but I was completely willing to do whatever

was necessary to achieve my goal of having him again. I took
another swallow of my coffee and went to the sink, pouring the
cold remainder down the drain. Shane reached around me and
dumped his into the sink, too, his free arm snaking around me. He
pressed me to the counter, his erection nestling between my
buttocks. I tightened with the memory of long-ago pain.

“What’s wrong, Van?”
Would he understand?
“It’s not you, Shane. I haven’t bottomed since I was twenty-

three. My first lover…well, he was a lot older than me, and I never
told him no, but he could be too rough. So I just haven’t done it
since.” I turned and hugged him. “That doesn’t mean I’m not
willing to give it another try. With you.” I nibbled his lower lip.
“Maybe not tonight, though.”

His chin lifted, and I wished I could read what was behind

those gleaming eyes.

“There’s plenty of summer left. I’m young, but I’m patient.”
I laughed, never doubting the truth of his statement as I

propelled him toward the bed. He broke away, grabbed the
television remote, and flopped on the bed. I turned off the dining
area lights and followed him. I attempted to divest him of the
remote, and he rolled away, putting it under a pillow.

“It’s only nine-thirty. I never go to bed this early.”
I knelt over him. “We’re not going to sleep, not just yet.”
He lifted his butt off the bed and shucked off the sweat pants. I

followed suit, and we stretched out on our sides. Shane purred at
me and started fucking my belly. Grinning, I nestled closer and
grabbed his ass, my fingers digging in between his buttocks. He
changed his angle and his cock stroked over mine.

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“School boy,” I murmured against his lips.
“Hmm. That makes you the professor dude.”
“You behave or I’ll slap your ass into detention.” I spanked his

butt cheek, then rubbed the spot. I spit on my middle finger and
teased his anus. He pumped against me in short, rapid strokes,
nodding furiously.

“Oh, yeah, teacher. Do me.”
I wrinkled my nose at him, secretly glad he hadn’t called me

“daddy.” Teacher was bad enough. The easy glide of his erection
over mine became harder to ignore. I carefully pressed again
through the tight ring of muscle, reveling at the way his flesh
danced and twitched around my invading digit. He buried his face
in the pillow and moaned breathlessly. I tongued the inside of his
ear.

“Like that, babe?”
The only answer I got was another low moan as his hips

pumped faster, rubbing his trapped cock against my belly. I was
ready to moan right along with him. I nuzzled my way into his
pillow and found his mouth. His lips parted, and I thrust my tongue
into the heat of his mouth. Lips locked together, I kissed him until
my lungs screamed for air.

Shane’s hand slipped between our bodies, his fingers encircling

my shaft. I flushed hot, sweat breaking out under my arms, and on
my back and chest. I leaked, and my cock was suddenly slick. The
breath caught in the back of my throat. Stars danced in my vision.
Shane tore his lips from mine.

“Wait for me, Van.”
I didn’t know if I could. I maneuvered a second finger inside

him and pushed, finding his internal pressure point for his prostate.
He moaned louder, calling on a host of deities as his body tensed. I

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couldn’t wait any longer. Hot, slick semen wet my belly as I fell
into the velvet darkness Shane brought to me. His fingers released
me, shifting to his own shaft.

I barely had the chance to draw a draw a breath, and he came.

A long groan of relief bubbled out of him as my skin got wetter. I
was acutely aware of his rich scent mingling with mine. He went
limp against me, sighing as I eased my fingers out of him. His
sticky hand slid over my ribs as his arm came around me. I hardly
cared as long as he held me.

We lay there in the dim lamplight, sweaty, sticky and hot, but

unmoving. I drank in the feel of him against me, so relaxed and
still. Suddenly, the summer seemed unbearably short, our time
together so fleeting. My damp skin prickled with the sure
knowledge I was falling in love with Shane Hollister.

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CHAPTER 9

“Van. Donovaaaan. Waaake up.”
I swatted at the persistent soft voice in my ear. It stopped. My

ear was wet. Why was my ear wet? Was it raining? Something
tickled as it crawled over my ass.

I flung off the covers as I jumped straight up and out of the

bed, yelling. Hysterical laughter filled the room. I whirled around
to see Shane curled up on the bed, holding his mid-section, as he
howled with glee.

“What the fuck did you do, motherfucker? Put a fucking bug in

the fucking bed?”

“No…no… I…” He fell into another laughing fit, holding his

stomach as tears streaked down his face. “I…so sorry…not!”

Flipping the sheet back, I searched for small, crawly things that

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needed to die, but found nothing. I glared at Shane as he wiped his
eyes dry with his fingertips. My frown faded as the witchy interest
in his eyes sank into my awareness, and my gaze dropped to his
dick. Semi-aroused, his cock lay heavy on his thigh, lengthening
under my perusal. My penis, already half hard just because it was
morning, swelled, and my usual good nature reasserted itself.

“Good morning to you, too.”
He grinned and uncurled, then rolled onto his side. “You’re not

going to hurt me, are you?”

I looked him up and down, raising my eyebrow at his rising

dick. “I should spank you again, but you’d like it, so I won’t do it.
Besides, I smell coffee brewing, so you get to skate on this one.” I
motioned at his groin. “Pardon the pun, but are you up for doing
anything with that?”

“I wish, but I have to get outta here. I’ve got a crew coming in

at seven.”

What time was it? I picked up my watch and checked. It was a

quarter past six.

In the morning.
I groaned and padded off to the bathroom. I’d so hoped life in

the country would lend itself to late mornings. Silly me.

Shane was still abed when I came back out. He patted the spot

beside him, and I slid between the sheets and into his arms.

“Okay, ye wee prankster. What did ye take to me bum?”
“Oh, baby, use that brogue on me. Were you really born in

Scotland?”

“I was. My parents moved here when I was five. My Da’s

brogue is pretty thick. I just think of the way he talks when I need
the accent, because it’s no’ me first language now.”

Shane nestled closer and sighed contentedly. “I wish we had

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time to fool around.”

“Hmm. Me, too. Now what did you tickle me with?”
He wiggled his tongue at me. I captured it with my lips and

kissed him. A pleasant inertia washed through me as we kissed and
nibbled at each other’s mouths. I was more than ready to make
love to him, and made one attempt to deepen the kiss and draw him
to me. He groaned, a low sound filled with regret, and pulled back.
I admired his dedication. These days, few people seemed to take
their responsibilities seriously. Shane kissed my neck.

“We can sleep late tomorrow, I swear. I don’t have to be at The

Globe until four o’clock, and since it’s a Cotton Dreams
performance day, you won’t need to be there at all.”

“I’ll hold you to that in the morning. I’d like to see the show,

though. Think I can get a ticket?”

“Nope. You can join Phil in the box. He’ll be ecstatic. Cotton

Dreams is his brainchild, so tell him you love it, because you will.
Let me up. I gotta get ready and get outta here.”

I smacked his ass and reluctantly let go of him. Shane padded

around the room, gloriously naked, gathering up his clothes. He
peeked out the window and froze.

“Mother fuckers!” He yanked on his pants, hopping on bare

feet. Alarmed at his outburst, I rolled out of bed.

“What’s wrong?” I jerked the curtains open. My heart seized in

my chest, then plummeted to my belly. I washed cold with shock,
then hot with fury. I hopped into my pants and bolted out the door
behind him to the ruins of his car.

“Who the fuck would do this?” He was visibly upset, his anger

ready to bubble over and pour out of him. I understood completely,
and marveled at his self-control.

I walked around his vehicle, barely noticing the cold, rough

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stones I trod over, shoeless. I knew who did this. Only one person
would be this vindictive.

His tires were slashed, all four of them. Someone had splashed

acetone over the painted surfaces of his car, destroying the
sparkling finish. My eyes burned from the chemical reek. Queasy,
I walked around the car a second time. Shane called to me.

“They got you, too, Van. Your interior is slashed to ribbons.”

He leaned over, peering into my car. “Your doors were locked. I
remember the little horn tweet when you hit the button.” He
straightened and looked at me.

I wondered if he felt the cold breeze on his back. I shivered,

from both the wind and the knowledge of who had done this thing.

It didn’t matter if I locked the car doors or not. Lynn had

refused to return his ignition key, adamantly declaring he’d lost it.
I thought it was pure pettiness that drove him to keep it, and never
in my wildest dreams imagined he’d do this. I had to stop
underestimating the depth of his rage that I’d ended our
relationship. Shane stopped in front of me.

“What? What is it? Tell me, before I call the cops.”
“Lynn did this. I’m sure of it.”
He drew back like I’d struck him. “You’ve got to be kidding

me. How the fuck did he manage to find you?”

“Global positioning. He could track the car here. And then

there’s that little article my agent sent to the trades.” I looked at the
wreckage of what had been very expensive leather seats. “He
refused to return his key to the car. Lynn was here, no doubt about
it.”

I walked over to him, gingerly, suddenly aware of the sharp

stones under my feet. “I’m sorry, Shane. I’ll cover the cost of
repairing your car, and get you a rental. You shouldn’t have to

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absorb the financial burden of this.”

“I have insurance.” He moved to put his hand on his car, and I

grabbed his wrist.

“Don’t touch it until the police are finished. Let’s go call

them.”

Shane’s shoulders slumped, but I sensed he remained angry. I

didn’t blame him. He pulled away from me and went back inside
without saying a word. I followed him, grateful he’d kept a level
head, and impressed my young man hadn’t allowed pure emotion
to rule his actions.

Shane was on his cell phone, talking to police dispatch as I

closed the door behind myself. He ended the call.

“An officer will be here shortly.” He grabbed his socks and

shoes, and I did likewise. We’d barely finished dressing when his
head cocked to the right, listening. Shane was on his feet and out
the door before I could ask him to wait.

“Cops are here.”
Thinking I’d need some identification, I grabbed my wallet and

followed him, unsure of how much he planned to tell them. This
was his community. Did it matter to him if word got around we
were lovers? He greeted the younger officer with a handshake.

“Hi, Scotty. Great way to start the day, huh?”
The handsome, brown-eyed Scotty stared at me with

unconcealed interest. “And you are?”

“Donovan MacKenzie.”
Scotty’s eyes widened, then his gaze flicked to Shane, back to

me, and settled on Shane. He cleared his throat and shifted his
weight from one foot to the other.

Oh, yeah. Scotty and Shane knew each other.
Biblically.

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I wasn’t jealous, exactly, but my curiosity to learn more about

the type of man Shane usually found attractive ran rampant.

The older man planted himself between Shane and me. Damn.
“I’m Lieutenant Delauter, Mr. MacKenzie. Do you have any

thoughts on what happened here?”

I chose not to lie. If the town gossips seized upon us, then so be

it.

“Yes, sir. I think this is the work of my ex-lover, Lynn Custer.

He refused to surrender his key to my car when we parted ways,
and he surely would have read the press releases that I’m
performing at The Globe this summer. He’s also capable enough to
find my car through the global positioning system. I have a
restraining order out on him, issued through a judge in New York
City. Lynn’s not supposed to be within two hundred feet of me.”

I looked past him to where Shane and Scotty stood, talking

rapidly. From the earnest look on his friend’s face, I guessed Shane
was getting some friendly counseling to drop me like a hot potato.
Maybe he should. I didn’t want him to get hurt. The lieutenant
shifted his stance to block my view again.

“Stay with me here, MacKenzie. Those two aren’t going

anywhere together.”

Somehow, I managed not to blush.

* * *

By the time the police had taken our statements, the mobile

crime lab pulled up and got down to their business. Not long after
that, Phil arrived. The three of us sat on the steps and watched the
forensics crew work. It would have been fascinating had those two
cars belonged to other people. Phil talked to the good lieutenant

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about having cruisers drive by during the night.

Nothing like locking the barn door after the horse has escaped,

but I kept my mouth firmly closed. The police could only do so
much, and we all knew it. I’d have to deal with Lynn, personally,
once I figured out how.

The wrecker showed up and loaded Shane’s Pontiac onto the

flatbed. I opted to keep my car and get a set of seat covers until I
got back to the city and the dealership where I’d purchased the
coupe. Unless, of course, I traded it in St. Charles first, and that
idea had a lot going for it. At the very least, the local dealership
could install new door locks and ignition switch.

Phil arranged for my co-star and me to rehearse later in the

afternoon and took his leave. Shane took a deep breath and blew it
out. I moved up to the step he occupied and put my arm around
him.

“I never saw this coming, Shane.”
He leaned against me. “How could you? Just how crazy is this

guy, anyway?”

“Good question, babe. This is rage. This is beyond anything

I’ve ever dealt with.”

Shane slumped like his spine had suddenly turned to jelly. “My

Dad can’t handle this sort of thing. I don’t know what to tell him.”

Just as he couldn’t help me with Lynn, I didn’t think I could

help much with his father. At least he knew the man’s state of
mind, whereas I was clueless as to just how far over the edge Lynn
was.

“I think you have to be honest with your father.” I put my other

arm around him. “Listen, Shane, if you think it best we not see
each other, I will understand.”

It would tear me up, but his safety meant much more to me

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than my own happiness at having him with me for the summer.

But what about beyond the summer? I couldn’t squash the

insistent voice of hope whispering to me that he and I had a future.

Shane hugged my waist, then he raised his head and looked at

me with his clear blue-gray eyes.

“I won’t let anyone force me to give you up, Van.”

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CHAPTER 10

My agent turned the property damage into a promotional

opportunity. The local news picked up on it and, the next thing I
knew, it was on the front page of the town newspaper. That meant
Shane’s family, including his father, knew the truth, but few others
did.

According to the little spin Constance put on it, bless her

conniving instincts, Shane and I had been so engrossed in reading
my lines for Sumner’s Garden, that we were totally unaware
anyone was outside the cabin. Neither auto alarm system had
activated, and, in the dark, we’d not noticed anything amiss until
Shane went to go home for the night. Because there was no
personal injury, and the culprit was well away, we waited until
daylight to contact the local authorities.

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I would have kissed her if she’d been here.
Without telling Shane, or my agent, I hired a private

investigations firm to find Lynn and keep tabs on him. I wanted to
know if he remained in St. Charles. If not, I certainly wanted to
know if he ever came back to town. That they reported he was
hanging out at some rich man’s house on Long Island did not
reassure me.

Rehearsals resumed, I installed seat covers in my car, Shane

borrowed his dad’s pickup while his car was repainted, and life
went on. I let my hair grow shaggy for the role of Andy Pulaski.
We became conscious of anyone lurking around, and while we
exercised a prudent caution, our lives were incident free. And some
of that life was downright blissful.

Sliding between the sheets with Shane at night, waking up with

him, and fucking like minks in between was the high life. It didn’t
matter that he left at the crack of dawn to slink home to make sure
Mr. Hollister got his medications, or that some nights he didn’t
arrive until after eleven o’clock. We both napped during the day to
get our rest so we could talk—and make love—all night. Some
evenings he came early and then we got to sleep in together.

Just holding him while he slept, or after sex, brought an

incredible peace to me. But sometimes, when we made love, I
knew he wanted me to bottom, and I couldn’t quite bring myself to
agree. I struggled to understand if it was a lingering fear from my
younger days, or something more. Shane never pressed or
criticized me over it. He didn’t have to. I sensed his
disappointment I refused to receive that fierce pleasure at his
hands.

Shane told me the details of his mother’s death six months ago,

and of his long drive home, alone, not knowing if his father would

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be gone, too, when he arrived. I held him as he cried for the first
time, finally able to give way to his grief. And I envied him parents
who made the effort to accept him for who he was.

I wondered if I’d cry for my mother, and thought I would not. I

liked to think of her surprise, some day, when I strolled into
heaven, and not hell.

His warmth and bright laughter lit dark places in me I didn’t

know were there. He forced me to play miniature golf and beat my
score by an embarrassing amount. Ignoring my pleas I was a
registered couch potato, he insisted we hike up the side of a
mountain to see the view from the rocky overlook at the top, then
smiled knowingly when I admitted to enjoying the adventure. He
proved to me I could still have fun.

Dress rehearsal for Sumner’s Garden went off without a hitch.

We were ready. Tim Jennings and I chomped at the bit for opening
night.

And through all the days and nights, Shane’s words rang in my

memory. I won’t let anyone force me to give you up, Van. I got a
bit giddy every time I thought of the look on his face when he said
it, even though I knew better. One month of our summer was
behind us.

Time was the enemy, the one thing we couldn’t wage war

against. The end of the season would come, and there was nothing
either of us could do about it. My life was in New York, and more
and more it seemed, Shane’s life was in St. Charles. My chest
ached every time I thought of leaving him, but I never mentioned it
to him.

Our time together was too precious to waste. When he wasn’t

with me, I plotted and schemed of ways to get him to go to New
York with me, yet I was too afraid of his rejection to broach the

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subject.

I told myself to be content with what we had, but I wanted a lot

more.

Opening night, I got a mild case of the jitters. Shane’s entire

family would be here. Mr. Hollister was doing much better and felt
up to getting a look at the man his son was involved with. I was
prepared to meet him, but Shane warned me that, while his father
loved him, the elder Hollister had never quite been able to meet
any of Shane’s “friends.” Perhaps if I gave the performance of my
career, Mr. Hollister would change his mind.

Heaven help me, I wanted to be the first, and the only, of

Shane’s lovers Gary Hollister ever shook hands with.

My dressing room was not much larger than a closet, but it had

a door with a lock. I heard a familiar voice in the hallway, grabbed
the set designer and pulled him inside. Shane’s body slammed me
against the door.

“Why, Andy Pulaski, you’re a hottie.”
“Think so, do ya? How’s the garden look today?”
Shane had created an ingenious garden on hidden wheels for

the stage, complete with lifts to make it appear the garden was
indeed growing. The local garden club supplied the plants.

“The ladies replaced a few things. They didn’t realize how

much heat the stage lights generate. Now kiss me, Andy.”

I obliged him, sliding my lips over his. Shane tongued me, then

pulled back, wrinkling his nose. “Jeez. You’ve got on lipstick.”

I laughed and kissed his cheek. “I’m about to go on stage, babe.

Seriously, how’s the makeup look?”

“Great. Very natural.” Shane hugged me. “I wish I could be in

the audience tonight.”

“Where’s your family sitting?”

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“In the box with Phil, of course.” Shane’s hand slipped

between our bodies to cup my balls. “So, Andy, what’re you doing
after the show?”

I pressed my groin deeper into his palm. “I have plans with this

really sexy young man, but I’d blow him off for you.”

He laughed softly. “We have to stay for the reception, you

know.”

“So I was told, but you and I are outta here at midnight. I’m

already on edge. I want you naked.”

There was a knock on the door, and a voice intruded.
“Hey, Van. Is Shane in there? We need him.” People were

learning where to find my lover if they didn’t see either of us
backstage.

Shane slid from my embrace, and opened the door a crack. “I’ll

be right out.” He turned back to me and kissed me soundly, then
licked his lips. His shining gaze, full of warmth, locked with mine.

“Break a leg, love.”
With that he was out the door and gone. A few moments later,

someone tapped on my door and gave me the five-minute warning.
I checked my look in the mirror and hurried to my marks.

* * *

I stood center stage with Tim and the rest of the cast as

thunderous applause shook The Globe. We’d pulled off a flawless
opening performance, one worthy of Broadway. Holding Tim’s
hand, I lifted it over our heads. Off to my left, Shane stood in the
wings, smiling. His cheeks were wet. I felt like crying, myself. I’d
never given this caliber performance, ever, and I knew it. Finally,
everyone took one last bow and the curtains swished closed. I

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stepped off the stage and into Shane’s arms, not caring if anyone
saw.

I held him tightly as the cast and crew mingled around us,

patting our backs and offering praise and congratulations. I had
some of my own to give. I kissed the dewy skin behind his ear.

“Babe, I’m so proud of the work you did for this show. I hope

someday you’ll see your way clear to go back to Broadway.
You’ve got so much talent. You can write your own ticket.”

Shane took a deep, shuddering breath, squeezed me, then

pulled back. “Yeah, I’ll go back someday. I don’t know when, but
yeah.” I handed him Andy’s handkerchief, and he swiped it over
his face. “You were great, Van. Phil has a proposition for you.”

I just bet he did, and I could guess what it was. He’d dropped a

hint a few days ago, but I let it pass, wanting to get opening night
behind me. Phil wanted to bring in a crew and film the show. The
Globe would rake in all sorts of money from a digital recording. So
would I, but I had more pressing business.

“It’ll have to wait. Head for my dressing room, Shane. I’m

right behind you.”

He weaved his way through the members of the busy crew,

chatting with everyone, edging closer and closer to back hallway
and privacy. We finally made it and dashed to the dressing room
door. Shane hooked his fingers under my belt and yanked me
inside.

“Oh, wow! Nice flowers, Van. Who are they from?”
I didn’t care about the flowers. I slammed the deadbolt home

and backed Shane to the wall. I cupped his firm buttocks and lifted
him, pressing my pelvis firmly to his. His cock was hard under
mine as I thrust against him. His arms snaked around me neck as
his heels dug in behind my knees. The success of the evening

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resonated in both of us. Shane vibrated in my arms, as tightly
strung on the adrenaline rush of the performance as I was. I took
his mouth in a rough kiss. His tongue licked into mine, giving my
bruised and tender lips no quarter..

Shane worked his hand between us, reaching for my zipper. I

groaned into his mouth, every fiber of my being craving his touch.
I tore my lips from his.

“No, babe. We have to get to the reception. There’s no time.”
Shane snorted. “It will take you about thirty seconds, Van.”
He knew my responses too well, which normally was a good

thing for me. Never in my life had I raced my way through as
many orgasms as I had in the last month.

“Funny, Shane. Seriously, we need to put this on hold for an

hour.” I kissed him again. “You know I don’t want to, but Phil will
skin us alive if we don’t show.”

Shane laved my lips with his tongue again. I licked him back,

savoring his eagerness for some quick sex. I raised my head and
looked at him.

“We can’t go with guilty looks on our faces, can we?”
He shook his head and put his feet back on the floor. “You’re

such a logical, practical man. Now, who sent you the flowers? I
didn’t see them earlier.”

I forced myself to step away from his heat, his scent, and suffer

the empty space between us.

“They weren’t here before the show, which is odd. Out here,

delivery people don’t work twenty-four-seven like they do in the
city.”

I reached for the card in the floral arrangement, and opened it.

The hot blood in my veins cooled at the handwritten note.

Congratulations on the show. Love always, Lynn.

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“Motherfucker. Lynn sent them. He’s here.” I handed the card

to Shane, surprised my hand was so steady. My lover read the card
and met my gaze, worry replacing the gleam of simmering lust in
his beautiful eyes. I knew what he silently asked and nodded.

“That’s his writing. I’m sure of it.”
Shane reached for his cell phone. “I’ll call Scotty.” He flipped

it open and hit a button. My eyebrows slid up.

“Scotty is on speed dial, is he? Would you like to tell me about

that?”

He stuck his tongue at me. “No. None of your business, Van.

Hey, Scotty, can you bring the cruiser over to The Globe? Van’s
stalker might be here.” He paused, listening. “Thanks, man. We’re
backstage in Van’s dressing room. ’Bye.”

I held my hand out for the card, and he gave it to me. I laid it

on the vanity. “I guess we’ve ruined this for fingerprints.”

“Probably. Scotty will be here in five minutes.”
“So, you and Scotty were an item?”
“You’ve figured it out, so just let it go. We’re friends and we

did the curiosity fuck. That’s all there is to it. Pretty much.”

Somehow, I kept from grinning. “‘Pretty much’ now is it,

laddie buck?”

“Och, now he’s gone Scot on me. Go ahead and snicker, Van.

You know you want to.”

I cupped his cheek. “Some people are always special to us, no

matter what.”

He covered my hand with his. “No one will ever eclipse you,

Donovan MacKenzie.”

My heart did a little flip inside my chest. I needed to tell him so

many things, not least of which was my hope he’d be a part of my
future. More and more I had the sense he wanted that, too, but I

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lacked the courage to say the words. There was a tap on the door,
and the police identified themselves.

Shane opened the door for Scotty and his partner. The

unflappable Lieutenant Delauter took in his surroundings in a
quick, but assuredly comprehensive, glance. “Fill us in, Mr.
MacKenzie.”

I handed him the card. “That’s Lynn’s handwriting. I lived with

him long enough to know it. I have a private firm watching him.
They didn’t report it to me, but Lynn has to be in St. Charles.”

Delauter dropped the card into a little plastic bag and handed it

to Scotty. There was little they could do, and I knew it. Lynn could
be anywhere. I couldn’t even discount the idea he’d ordered the
flowers on his previous trip to St. Charles, although my instincts
said not. The good lieutenant offered to see us home after the
reception. I accepted.

While Shane and I hobnobbed with the cast and The Globe

patrons, our friendly policemen planned to “poke” around the
parking lot and grounds. I took that to be country talk for searching
the area.

I stripped out of my stage clothes under Shane’s watchful gaze.

While I washed my face, he folded Andy’s clothes. I zipped my
jeans and turned to him.

“Aren’t you going to say it?”
“What? That you didn’t tell me you hired someone to watch

your ex?”

“Yep. That would be it.”
He shook his head. “You don’t have to tell me everything, but

it would’ve been nice to have the information.”

“I should’ve told you. Mea culpa.”
Shane shrugged. “To tell you the truth, I’m not surprised you

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did it. Listen, Van, my family will be at the reception. I don’t know
if Dad will ask to meet you or not.”

I squeezed his hand. “Don’t worry about it. I’m good either

way. Maybe it’s best if he observes for a bit first. There’s no need
to rush him, you know.”

“I know. Ready?”
I slanted my mouth across his and kissed him, letting my lips

give him promises for later.

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CHAPTER 11

There was nothing “small town” about Phil’s opening night

reception. The champagne flowed, and some big city entertainment
reviewers lapped it up from crystal flutes. I also glimpsed a young
woman I knew produced indie films. Phil was serious about getting
Sumner’s Garden into the digital market.

I accepted the glass my lover handed me. We tapped the rims

together and sipped, then all hell broke loose as we were spotted. It
had been over a year since I dealt with such a mob, and I hadn’t
missed it.

To be fair, most of the press were polite and had the same

questions about Sumner’s Garden. One would ask the question,
and all of them would scribble notes. The trouble started when
those reporters on the fringe of the industry asked for personal,

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particular details. I simply replied, “Next question,” and tried to
move on. My hope Lynn’s revealing blog would be forgotten
faded.

The group of reporters ringing us went still when a smarmy

hanger-on without a press pass asked if Shane and I were
“involved.” Shane stiffened; the very air around him chilled.

“I’m one of the partners in The Globe in the Grove. I have a

vested interest in all my performers. Why don’t you quote me on
that and feel free to make up the rest?”

Somehow, I managed not to gawk at him. Shane had never

mentioned he had any financial investment in The Globe. I put it
aside for later conversation, when we were alone. The reporter
correctly gauged Shane’s mood and backed off. No one else
pursued the topic. One brave soul asked Shane if he had any plans
to return to Broadway. I didn’t hear his answer. The hair on my
arms rose. Someone was watching me. I felt it.

My first thought was Lynn had crashed the reception. It

wouldn’t be the first time he’d arrived uninvited. I scanned the
crowd, frantically searching for the familiar face of my ex-
boyfriend.

Across the room, I spotted an older man standing with three

young women. Tall and slender, his dark hair shot with silver,
Gary Hollister met my gaze with open curiosity in his clear blue-
gray eyes. Recognizing him was easy. Shane certainly looked like
his father.

The elder Hollister nodded, a gesture I respectfully returned.

Then he glanced at Shane, and I saw a flash of pride on his face.
When he looked at me again, I wasn’t sure I passed muster, but he
didn’t dismiss me, either. I nodded again and shifted my attention
back to Shane. My lover thanked the reporters and informed them

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their time was up. His star had to go chat with The Globe patrons.
Relieved, I followed him to the group surrounding Phil and Bob.

An irrational restlessness seized me. I had to get away from this

gathering. I needed to find those two police officers and ask if
they’d located Lynn. The longer I didn’t know exactly where my
ex-boyfriend was, the tighter my nerves stretched.

Shane handled the patrons with style, passing the questions off

to me, or stepping in when a question bordered on the personal. I
was tongue-tied, caught between worry over Lynn and lust for the
young man at my side. The glossy shine of his dark hair, the lights
sparkling in his eyes, the wit and humor he possessed, held me
enthralled.

It was Shane who tendered my apologies to the group before I

could embarrass myself, telling them his leading man needed to get
his sleep as he moved me toward the exit. The cruiser sat parked
beside my car when we stepped out into the cooler night air. Scotty
walked up to us.

“Your boyfriend’s in town. He registered at the motel, but he

doesn’t appear to be there. We’ve got all on-duty personnel
looking for him.”

I wasn’t reassured. The St. Charles police department

employed about a dozen people.

“He’s my ex-boyfriend, and you need to impress upon your

people the man is a loose cannon.”

“We got that part, Mr. MacKenzie.” He turned to Shane.

“We’ve called for an off-duty state patrol unmarked car to park
down the road at Mr. Gary’s. He’ll stay until he’s sure all is quiet.”

A nasty burst of jealousy bloomed inside me as Shane grasped

Scotty’s arm. It was silly of me, but I hated to see him touch
another man. Had Lynn felt this when he discovered I was with

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Shane?

I didn’t like to see Shane and Scotty all buddy-buddy, but I

wouldn’t even mention it to Shane. Friends and former lovers were
facts of life. What was different for me was I could see how stupid
it was for me to be jealous and move on, as opposed to Lynn, who
went into a rage and stayed there. I lacked the strength of the
emotion to comprehend it.

Of course, Shane hugging Scotty helped with that just a tad.
“Thanks, man. I really appreciate that, although I know it’s

probably not necessary.” Shane released his friend and gave me a
quick glance. I hoped my face didn’t show my foolish, surprised
displeasure. He held the car keys out to me. “Let’s get going,
Van.”

I shook my head. “You drive, babe. I need to try and relax.”
Just to prove to myself I could, I shook Scotty’s hand and

thanked him. He gave me a shy grin, and I realized he had his own
worries about his relationship with Shane becoming problematic
for his friend’s relationship with me. All the envy I held, that he
knew Shane’s history in ways I didn’t, faded. I climbed into the
passenger seat. Within minutes, we arrived at the cabin. Lieutenant
Delauter checked inside, then reminded us to lock the door. I did as
ordered and turned off all the lights but the small lamp beside the
bed. Shane emptied his pockets onto the table and sighed.

“I’m sorry Dad didn’t come over to meet you.”
“It’s okay. We exchanged a few glances and a nod. He’s

curious, so give him time.” I wrapped my arms around his waist
and drew his back against my chest. Just holding him bled away
some tension. “I wish to hell I knew where Lynn was.”

He turned in my arms and slipped his arms around my neck. “I

know. What really disturbs me is that, aside from charging him

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with the property damage, there’s not much the authorities can do.”

“Yeah, I think it scares me some, and I wish it didn’t. It could

be his whole point.”

Shane rubbed his belly against mine. “Ruining your fantastic

opening night was certainly the point.”

“You’re here. We’re alone. That salvages everything.”
He looked at me, his earnest gaze full of questions I sensed he

wouldn’t ask. I ached to tell him I’d fallen in love with him, but
being unsure of his reaction, I couldn’t. I rested my forehead to his.

“Why don’t you tell me about being a partner in The Globe?”
The muscles in his throat moved convulsively as he swallowed.

“Are you upset I didn’t tell you?”

“What makes you think I’m entitled to any of the details of

your life, babe?”

Shane pulled back and looked at me. “Why do you do that,

Van? Why do you take one step toward me, then back up two?”

“I don’t…” I stared at him. He was right. I did. “I don’t know

why I do it,” I finished, lamely.

“Uh-huh. Nice recovery, there, Donovan.” Shane leaned in and

brushed his lips across mine. “After I came home to St. Charles, it
was pretty obvious Dad needed someone to stay with him for a
while. My sisters all have their own families, so it sorta fell on me.
I needed something to do, so I knocked on Phil’s door and
introduced myself. He offered me a deal. I took it because it does
give me room to work on other projects.”

I smiled at him. “Phil’s a smart man. He knows people with

your talent do not normally just walk in the door at places like The
Globe. It would’ve been the worst decision of his life to let you
walk away.”

Shane tensed. His chin lifted as his eyes stared into mine.

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“What about you, Van? Are you going to let me walk away?”

My throat suddenly closed, thick with the words threatening to

pour out of me. I swallowed, forcing the nervous lump down. He
licked his lips.

“Tough question, Van?”
I shook my head. “No. Easy question, but the answer is

complicated.”

His lips thinned. “I get that about you—that you make things

harder than they need to be.”

Was he spoiling for a fight? Now, when I wanted him so

badly? I pulled him close and cupped the back of his head, coaxing
him to rest it on my shoulder, which he did.

“You’re making your life here, babe, helping build The Globe

into a major venue. I want us to work on Broadway. I want us to
share all the lights and the glitter. I want to walk through Times
Square at three in the morning with you and feel the life in the air.
Where’s the middle ground?”

His arms tightened around my shoulders. “Do you really see us

together?”

I took a quick breath and plunged into murky waters. “I can, if

I let myself look.”

He relaxed, then shivered. “Let’s go to bed.”
“Now who’s taking a step back?”
Shane buried his face in my neck and gave me a little nip.

“That would be me. Can we just get naked?”

I didn’t press him. This was as close to talking about what the

future might hold as we’d ever gotten. We still had five months
until the end of Sumner’s Garden’s run. It would be foolish to rush
headlong into words we might feel sorry for in four months, yet I
regretted not saying them.

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I ran my hands down his sides, my fingertips caressing the

subtle muscles of his torso through his shirt. I was glad he didn’t
seem inclined to pump his workouts and bulk up. He was perfect,
all smooth skin over lean lines. I tugged his shirttail out of his
slacks.

“So take your clothes off, Mr. Hollister.”
His body shook with silent laughter as his lips nibbled my ear,

while his busy fingers unsnapped my jeans and eased down the
zipper. Already on the edge of arousal, my flesh swelled and
hardened, aching for his touch. He didn’t deny me as his warm
palm rubbed my cock through the cotton of my shorts. Impatient, I
yanked his shirt over his head, tossed it over my shoulder, and our
disrobing turned into rough play.

We pushed and shoved at each other, grinning and growling as

clothing flew in all directions. I hopped on one foot, attempting to
get my shoe off, and Shane grabbed me around the waist. We
landed on the sofa, with me on top. He wheezed as I rolled off him,
pinching his nipple as I went. Shane yelped and hopped to his feet,
one hand protectively holding his erection tight to his abdomen. I
lunged at him.

“What’s wrong? You think I’m gonna grab your dick?”
“You should be so lucky as to get your hands on it, perv.” With

an easy leap, he landed on the bed and shook his swollen cock at
me.

I stroked myself, breaking out in a sweat as sensation skittered

along nerve endings. “You can play with mine if I can play with
yours.”

Shane cackled at me. “You wish.”
I flopped on the bed at his feet almost at the same time he

dropped to his knees. I marveled the bed didn’t collapse. That

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would be embarrassing to explain. Shane almost cracked his nose
on my forehead as we both moved to shove the bedspread to the
foot of the mattress. I twisted and wrapped my arms around him.
He went down beneath me.

His heels locked behind my knees as we rolled back and forth,

clinging to each other in a tight embrace. We grappled for the
advantage in our mock battle until he had me on my back. Shane’s
tongue teased my lips with quick flicks, and I finally captured it,
sucking it into my mouth. Deep in his throat, he purred, catlike.

Shane’s lips moved over mine, and I stopped wrestling with

him, struck still and quivery by his unhurried kiss. Heat flared in
my groin even as my body tightened. My knees rose to grip his
sides. He inhaled sharply and rose up on his arms to stare down at
me with eyes gone wide and dark. I forgot how to breathe as I fell
into their glittering black depths, then remembered and sucked in a
deep breath.

“Go slow, babe.”

SHINE A LIGHT

CHAPTER 12

“Don’t do this just for me, Van.”
“I’m not. It didn’t hurt every time, babe. Just often enough.” I

ran my hands up his arms. “This is us, and now is now. I want it,
Shane.”

“Are you sure you’re not doing this just for me?”
I shook my head. “When I was with my first lover, he was

careful enough in the beginning. I was eighteen and looked
younger, which was what he liked, so getting it up wasn’t a
problem for him. Later, my looks matured and I didn’t turn him on
as much, so he had some difficulties keeping it up. That’s when he
hurried too much and got too rough.”

He came down to me, his weight on his elbows and his hands

gentle on my face. “Lots of lube, I promise.”

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Shane rolled off me and delved into the nightstand drawer,

flipping a condom over his shoulder at me. I slipped it under the
pillows, close at hand, then smacked his ass. Suddenly nervous, I
wanted the darkness. “Turn the light off, babe.”

“I want to see your face.”
“Please, Shane.”
He didn’t argue, and with a low click, the air went black and

close around us. Cold, hard plastic rolled against my side. I slid the
bottle of lube in beside the condom. I wasn’t surprised I was ready
for this. I’d known tonight was coming for a while. I trusted him to
stop and pull back, if I asked him to, but I didn’t think for a
moment I would need to ask him to. The mattress dipped as he
settled in against me, chest-to-chest and thigh-to-thigh. His hands
grazed my side.

I waited, breathless, for the space of the several heartbeats it

took for him to kiss me. His lips finally settled over mine, and I
had no choice but to give myself over to him as his palms rubbed
my nipples.

“I’m so glad you’re hairy again,” he murmured against my lips.

“The first time I saw you on the movie screen, I almost creamed
my jeans. You came up out of the water in those black swim
trunks, with all that dark hair plastered to your skin. All I could do
was stare at your hairy thighs and the big bump in your crotch and
wheeze. I think I fell in love with you then.”

My heart beat faster at his declaration of love. Did he still feel

that way? I shied away from asking for fear of his answer.

“I’ll never wax again. So how many times did you see Bailey’s

Turn?”

He laughed softly. “You made a bunch of money off of me,

Van Mackenzie.” With that, he kissed his way down my torso. I

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stretched and flexed my body, encouraging him to go lower. He
did.

Shane’s soft lips encircled the tip of my cock as he flicked his

tongue over the slit. I sucked in a deep breath and forced my
muscles to relax as he took me in deep. Stars danced in my vision
at the tugging sensations made by his throat as he swallowed
saliva. I reached out a long arm and groped for skin to grab. He
kept his ass just out of reach.

His strong fingers wrapped around my shaft with a gentle

pressure. Shane stroked, his hand and mouth moving together to
drive me wild. I managed to wiggle around enough to smack his
hip.

“Give it up, Hollister.”
Glorious vibrations trembled though my cock as he hummed

while shifting to give me access to him. I gave his balls a tongue
bath while surreptitiously lubing my fingers. I wasn’t sneaky
enough.

He twisted around and wiggled his butt at me, never breaking

the slow, torturous rhythm of his mouth sliding over my flesh. I
slipped a finger through the tight ring of muscle into him. He
moaned, and the sound shot through me, a heated wave that broke
sweat out under my arms. I found the pressure point for his
prostate and massaged. I wanted him hard. Very hard.

Shane pulled away from my teasing finger, releasing my dick.

“Roll over, Van.”

Suddenly shaky, I did as he’d asked, spreading my thighs. His

weight came down on me, a hot blanket of dewy skin that made me
shiver. Shane slid his hand under the pillow and retrieved the
condom. I lay still, quaking with anticipation. I’d let fear of pain
deny me this pleasure, but no longer. He rose over me, his knees

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nudging my legs wider.

I jumped as cold gel landed between my buttocks. His hands

cupped my ass cheeks, then his thumbs spread the lube down
between them and over sensitive skin. I closed my eyes and let my
pores soak up his careful touch. Muted sounds told me he was
putting on the condom, then his lips scattered kisses on my neck
and shoulders. His hands grasped my hips.

“Come up on your knees, lover.”
It never occurred to me to disobey as he steadied me. One long

finger gained entrance, and my quivering gave way to a more
violent shaking. My nerves stretched tight as my whole being
ached for him to take me. With great care, he massaged tender
skin, relaxing the tight ring of muscle and coaxing it into
acceptance. Shane’s hand dropped away, and something larger and
blunter pressed for entrance.

Bit by bit, inch by inch, he took me. Slowly and carefully, he

teased my body until it yielded to his. Small muscles danced inside
me, welcoming him, wanting him to move. When he did, pulling
back, I moaned with the pleasure of it. Shane braced his body on
one arm, and reached around me with the other to stroke me. His
thumb and middle finger rolled the outer skin over the steel core of
my cock. Warm, sweet heat rolled through me, plunging me into
velvety darkness.

Shane flexed his hips, grinding deep again, then the pressure

eased, only to return. White heat flashed through me. The scent of
male musk reached me even as his fingers spread the drops of pre-
cum I leaked over my glans. He shifted his angle, and it was all I
could do to breathe as pure pleasure rolled through me in waves
that matched his skillful thrusts.

Again and again his pelvis surged against my ass as his fingers

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100

lifted me skyward. My balls drew up tight, my cock pulsing with
every rapid beat of my heart. Every moan that rolled out of me
echoed from Shane. I rode on the knife-edge of impending orgasm,
fighting to stay there and not give over, yet desperately needing to
fall. The strain in his hoarse voice was more than I could bear.

“I can’t…Van!”
I hurtled over the edge, seized by pure bliss. In the pulsing

darkness, I was preternaturally aware of heat inside me, of Shane’s
low moan as he came. I rocked back against him as my milky life
pumped into his hand. I knew every curly hair on his sweaty chest
as it stuck to my back. His warm breath teased my neck as he
urged me to go down. I must have done it because the sheet was
soft against my cheek.

The pressure inside me eased as he carefully withdrew, then

went limp on top of me. I lay still, the sweat burning my closed
eyes. One of us was very fragrant, and I suspected it wasn’t Shane.
With another groan, he slid sideways off me, and blessed cool air
hit my back. He rolled off the bed and walked into the bathroom. I
assumed he went to dispose of the condom because he returned
promptly and stretched out beside me once more. Shane draped his
arm over me and nuzzled my ear.

“Are you okay, Van? Talk to me.”
I managed a moan. He smacked my butt, then laughed softly.

“Oh, shit. I keep forgetting you like that.”

“You’re the one who likes to be spanked, babe. That’s why

you’re such a bad boy all the time.”

“If I’m so bad, how come I’ve only gotten one spanking from

you?”

I tried to roll on my side to face him, but my body wouldn’t

cooperate. I turned my head to look at him and gave up on moving

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the rest of me, at least for now. Besides, moving was overrated. I
was limp, sated, marvelously exhausted. All I wanted was to sleep
in my lover’s arms, but I knew by his restless feet, Shane was in a
chatty mood.

“Remind me tomorrow, and I’ll turn you over my knee.”
He sighed and stretched. “I’ll hold you to it. Not.” Those long,

gentle fingers of his stroked through my hair. “I really love you
with longer hair, Van. Will you keep it after the role of Andy
ends?”

I attempted to get on my side, and this time I made it. I ran my

hand down the long line of his torso, from under his arm to his hip.
His skin had cooled.

“Let me tell you something, Shane. I don’t think Andy Pulaski

is ever going away. A character like this has the potential to
become part of pop culture. Just how tight a hold does Phil have on
the rights to this story?”

“Now I’ll tell you something. It’s okay that I do because the

secret is about to be revealed to you by its perpetrator. B.J.
Braeden is a pen name.”

Snatches of conversation clicked in my head. “For Phil?”
“Yep. That play is one of the reasons he bought The Globe. He

wanted total control over the production, right down to who
became Andy.”

My pulse jumped, pounding loudly in my ears. Phil had been

methodical in bringing Sumner’s Garden to life. The small venue
of The Globe was his test. Did he already have backers?

Would Lady Luck smile on me a second time? Did I dare hope

to play the lead in a movie? Andy Pulaski was the defining role of
my career, of that I had no doubt. I was Andy in a way no one else
ever would be. I had brought him to life first, and he’d become part

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of my soul. He and I were cosmically linked

“It sure as hell paid off. This has big screen blockbuster all

over it.”

Shane laughed. “And you thought Phil only wanted to get

Sumner’s Garden into the DVD market.”

“So I’m a little slow on the uptake at times.” But now that I

saw a bigger picture for the story, I would pay Phil a visit first
thing in the morning. Well, maybe the third thing.

Making love to Shane at daybreak, then taking a nice, hot

shower would be first and second. My stomach rumbled, and Phil
got bumped down another notch on my morning agenda. Shane
rubbed my belly.

“I’m hungry, too. What’s here? I’ll get up and get it.”
“Good luck finding anything. It’s been a week since I had time

to send young Preston to the grocery store. We’ll have to call for
breakfast.”

My lover nestled in closer. His arm came around me. “In that

case, let’s fool around again.”

I knew his responses pretty well, too, and I knew that wasn’t

going to happen. He didn’t have enough nitric oxide left in his
body to get it up a second time, not tonight. Hell, neither did I.

I slipped my hand between our bodies, fondled his limp dick,

and snickered. “Right. We’ll use that again. I need to get some
sleep, babe.”

A subtle tension flowed into him.
I cupped his cheek. “What’s wrong, Shane?”
He turned his head and kissed my palm. “Are we ever going to

talk seriously about the future?”

The words he’d said earlier were still alive in me. I think I fell

in love with you then. I didn’t know what to say to them, and he

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needed to hear something. How brave a man was I? I ran my hand
down the back of his thigh and coaxed him to put his knee on my
hip, bringing our bodies even closer.

“Okay, let’s talk a bit. We agreed this was for the summer.

Tonight’s opening put a wild card on the table.”

“Is that a bad thing?”
“Shane, what happens if Phil can actually sell Sumner’s

Garden to Hollywood? Do you ask to go along? Do you stay here?
I won’t lie to you. If I get the chance to play Andy on the silver
screen, I will.”

He took a deep, shuddering breath. “When I came home, I

swore I wouldn’t stay one second past Dad getting back on his
feet. St. Charles is pretty dull compared to New York. But The
Globe changed all that for me. And now you’ve changed it again.
I’m really not a flighty kinda guy, Van. I swear I’m not. But now
all that matters is being wherever you are, and I’m just not sure
you want me to be with you.”

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CHAPTER 13

It didn’t seem strange, or odd, to me in the least he had the

same fears I did. My concerns had more than the here and now in
the mix. He was a young man, twenty-seven, and I was forty.
There was a lot of space between those ages. Shane would grow
and change in ways he couldn’t even imagine during his thirties.
Everyone did. Would I be able to let him go in five years? Or ten?
Sooner?

I’d have to, if he decided to go. I hoped I could do it gracefully

whenever the time arrived, even if it happened in the morning.

“Shane, I want you. You’re something special, and you make

us special.”

His chest pressed against mine as he inhaled. “But you don’t

think we can make it.”

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I held him tighter. “I didn’t say that, babe. Try and look at this

from where I am in my life. I’m forty, and I’ll be old and dried up
when you’ll still be a young, vibrant man. That scares me.”

He wrapped me in a full body embrace, arms around me, and

legs entwined with mine. Shane’s lips brushed mine, then
sprinkled kisses over my face. His husky voice, thick with
emotion, brought a lump to my throat.

“Please don’t be scared, Van. I’ll never love anyone else the

way I love you. Just give us a chance and you’ll see. It will work.”

The honesty in his voice washed through me, and I knew he

spoke the truth. No one would ever love me the way he did. I saw
it his smile and felt it in his touch. Could I measure up to that?

I buried my face in the soft skin of his neck, unable to speak

and tell him I loved him, too. He pulled away.

“Van? Hey. Look at me, lover.”
I pulled him back to me. I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want

him to see my wet eyes. My emotion-roughened voice would have
to do.

Damn it. I was an actor. I should have better control. But I

didn’t, not in this.

“God, Shane. I do love you. Are you sure? What are we saying

here?”

“We’re saying we want to be with each other, you stubborn old

fart, making me have to say it first.” He hugged me again. “Don’t
fall apart on me now.”

“Go to sleep.”
Shane laughed softly. “You don’t do this well, do you?”
“What gave me away?”
His fingertips brushed the wet skin below my eyes. “This. I’ve

had my share of bad luck with relationship, too, you know. There’s

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no age limit on getting your heart broken.”

I was glad for the darkness surrounding us. It gave me the

chance to get my emotions in check and talk sanely with him. I had
so much to say to him and all my jumbled thoughts wanted to go
first.

“I don’t want to break your heart, Shane. Ever. What if I do?”
His warm hand slid along my side, petting me as if he hoped it

would keep me calm. It did. “I happen to believe you won’t.”

Adrenaline and exhaustion began to take their toll on me. My

lips were so heavy I had difficulty forming new words. I didn’t
fight it. I’d said the only words that truly mattered when I
confessed I loved him. I needed to tell him again.

“I love you, but can we either make some coffee or go to

sleep?”

“Aww, poor baby. You’re tired.”
“I warned you. I’m older.”
He nestled closer, not that there was any space between us

before he wiggled his ass trying to tempt me. I grabbed his butt
cheek and squeezed. “I’ll just hold onto this all night.”

“You do that, lover.” He yawned in my face, sighed, and

promptly fell asleep.

Love was a grand thing.

* * *

As luck would have it, I woke before Shane. He didn’t move as

I slithered from his limp embrace and tiptoed to the bathroom,
grabbing my cell phone on the way. I took care of the business at
hand, then called the lodge kitchen and ordered breakfast. Keeping
an eye on my lover, I put coffee on to brew, being as stealthy and

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107

quiet as possible, then parked my ass by the window so I could
intercept Preston when he brought the breakfast tray. I didn’t want
my young go-fer spotting Shane in my bed and fumbling our
morning meal to the floor. It was probably a useless endeavor.
Preston was a sharp kid and likely had me and Shane all figured.
While I waited, I couldn’t pry my hungry gaze away from the long
lines and shadowed valleys of Shane’s beautiful, sleeping form.

He loved me. I wanted to step outside and shout it to the world!

Fast on the heels of that urge, worry filled me. So many details to
attend to in the merging of two lives, not the least of which was
love didn’t necessarily equate to monogamy. I’d had my wild days,
and being faithful wouldn’t be a problem for me. Had he sown
enough wild oats? Could I be understanding and look the other
way if he got antsy and tricked someone? I was pretty certain his
recent HIV scare would make him very determined to practice safe
sex if he did.

And what about our careers? I hadn’t lied when I told him I

craved New York. I still had mountains I wanted to climb on
Broadway. The city was a world apart. I’d made my home there,
and I loved it. Could I give it up to be with him? Even now,
Constance had a few meetings, and one audition, scheduled for me
in the next few weeks.

Shane moved slightly, a subtle stretching of his spine and

flexing of his shoulders. His breathing didn’t change. He was still
asleep. What did he dream about, this young lover of mine? Maybe
some rainy evening we’d slip between the sheets and share some
of our dreamscapes. Well, if we didn’t fuck each other breathless
first. Sex was one part of our relationship I had no worries about.

Nothing had to be decided today except we be patient and kind

with one another. We had five months until Sumner’s Garden

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108

ended its first run. There was time to for us to talk and work out
details. It was enough time for Phil to bring in a few studio bigwigs
and see if Hollywood was interested in his script. Some of our
decisions hinged on how quickly Sumner’s Garden would be
filmed, and I knew in my gut it would be, sooner or later.

A movement on the edge of my vision caught my attention. It

had to be Preston with our breakfast. I walked to the door on cold,
bare feet and opened it. Ice slammed through my veins.

“Hello, Van.”
“Lynn.” I stepped forward, hastily pulling at the door so he

couldn’t see Shane sleeping. Lynn shouldered me aside, blocking
me. He looked inside.

“He’s a pretty piece, Van.”
“Get out of here before he wakes up and before I call the law.

They’ll honor the restraining order, Lynn. They will take you into
custody if they find you here.”

My mind raced, full of fear Lynn would hurt Shane, and

jumbled questions. Where was the law? Wasn’t there supposed to
be someone watching us? Protecting us?

“Oh, I’ll go. I just wanted to see if you could look me in the

eye.”

I doubted that was the sum total of what he wanted. His gaze

darted past me. Was Shane awake?

“You trashed the interior of my Lexus. You damaged Shane’s

Pontiac. Don’t you think I understand that’s just one step away
from more personal violence? For all I know, you created the gas
leak in my car. What were you thinking? That I’d come back to
you?”

Quick as lightning, his hands closed around my arms. “You

should’ve treated me better. I loved you, and you threw me away.”

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Where were the fucking cops? I prayed Shane would sleep on,

blissfully unaware. I didn’t want him to do something stupid like
try to save me.

“Lynn, I tried to let you go as gently as possible. I offered you

money and, instead, you stole what you wanted from my bank
accounts. I offered to provide you with a place to live for a year,
and you posted nude pictures of me on your blog.”

He shook his head. “I want you, Van, not your money or the

rent paid.” Lynn spun me around, shoving me down the steps. I
managed to catch the railing and keep from falling all the way to
the ground. He grabbed me a second time, pushing me toward the
woods. I stumbled along, not feeling the sticks and rocks beneath
my bare feet.

“Here’s the thing, Donovan. If I can’t have you, he can’t either.

No one will have you.”

Anger surged through me, but I remained docile. I’d thought

Andy Pulaski was the performance of my life. I was wrong. Here
and now, I acted to save Shane’s life and my own. I didn’t doubt if
Lynn could kill me, he’d turn around and go back for my lover.

“You want to talk this out? Just you and me? I’ll talk with you,

but—”

He shoved me. “It’s far too late to talk. Keep walking.”
Our path through the woods brought us suddenly to one of the

paved roads that crisscrossed the resort grounds. A black
Mercedes, the car I’d bought for Lynn, sat parked on the shoulder
of the lane. A new burst of anger surged through me. Damn the
police for not taking this more seriously and stopping him when he
drove through the gate! I stopped abruptly.

“Lynn, we need to talk about this. I’ll give you one last chance

to leave. Shane has to be awake by now. His first impulse will be

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to call the authorities. He has one of the local cops on his speed
dial.”

He snickered. “That’s rich. I don’t believe you.”
“You should. They used to be, shall we say, close.”
“Get in the car, Van. Now.”
I turned around to look at him and almost stumbled on weak

knees. Behind, moving with all the stealth of a battleship was
Lieutenant Delauter. Dear Lord, please make Shane stay in the
cabin, safe.

It was probably useless to pray for Shane to stay put. Knowing

him, he was behind the trees and coming to me as fast as he dared.

The sound of a car engine straining under a high rpm load

intruded into the quiet of the woods. Lynn looked over his should
and spotted Delauter. He grabbed me, roughly shoving me yet
again.

“Get in the fucking car, Van!”
“Police! Freeze!”
Lynn pushed me against the car, but his attention was shattered.

Rattled, he was too worried about the gun in Delauter’s hand to
focus on me. I dropped to the ground and grabbed him around the
knees. He overbalanced and tumbled down on top of me. Two sets
of blue-clad legs came into view. My head hit something, hard, and
bright white stars danced in my vision. I managed to keep my grip
on Lynn’s legs.

Hands were on me, pulling me in several directions. The world

spun in a sickening rotation. Even through the fog in my mind, I
thought it wise to hold on to whatever anchor I could.

“Let him go, MacKenzie. He’s tackled.”
I suspected no one disobeyed the good lieutenant, so I let go of

Lynn and blinked the world back into focus. Off to the side,

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Delauter had Lynn face down on the ground, handcuffing him.
Scotty’s grim, unhappy face stared down at me.

“Because of you, I had to draw my weapon on a person for the

first time. Maybe I should handcuff you.” He helped me sit up and
lean back against the car. Shane shouldered him out of the way,
then his welcome arms came around me, holding me tightly.

“Van! Van, are you okay?”
I reached for him, more concerned about the way his voice

shook than my pounding head. “I’m fine, babe, honest.”

“I called as soon as I realized you were gone, Van.” Shane

patted me down, feeling my arms, ribs, and legs. “Are you sure
you’re not hurt?”

“Just bumped my head on…”
Shane’s hands roamed over my skull. I winced as he hit a sore

spot. Scotty hauled Lynn to his feet. They scuffled, but Scotty
easily forced him into the back seat of the cruiser and slammed the
door. I took Shane’s hands in mine so he’d stop rubbing my head.
His worried gaze locked on mine, and I gave up. He could pet me
in public all he wanted if it made him feel better. I pulled him to
me and wrapped my arms around him.

“Jeez, what the hell took you guys so long?”
Delauter growled at me. “It’s all about timing, remembering

your lines, and hitting your mark.”

I looked up at him, amazed when he actually grinned at me.
“Believe it or not, I understand that. Now the question is, did

you see enough to charge him with something?”

“Sure did, but you’d better show up in court or you’ll answer to

me.”

“I don’t want any trouble with you, Lieutenant. I’ll make time.”
Shane looked up at Delauter. “Did you call the paramedics, or

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do I need to get him to the emergency room.”

“Oh, no. You need to get me coffee. I’m fine.”
Delauter snorted. “I called, but he looks okay to me. I’ll drive

you back to your cabin, and the medics can check you over there.”

I nodded, then heedless of Delauter’s surprised stare, kissed my

lover.

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CHAPTER 14

An hour later, the paramedics had checked me over and

pronounced me basically uninjured. My head ached and my feet
were lacerated and bruised, but not so badly I needed stitches, just
a little rest and time to heal.

The St. Charles police department possessed a laid-back

attitude. I could give my statement in the morning. Lynn wasn’t
going anywhere soon. The district court wouldn’t arraign Lynn
until the day after tomorrow at the soonest. I planned to stay in bed
most of the day and make it to my curtain call on time tonight.

Shane had a few choice words to say about my plan to go

onstage as I attempted to talk my way around him. Visibly shaken,
his pale lips appeared bloodless. I undressed as he put on fresh
coffee. On his orders, I stepped into the shower in front of him. His

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arms around me warmed me more than the hot water sheeting over
us. I kissed his bristly cheek, near his ear.

“I love you, Shane. I was so afraid you’d wake up and he’d

hurt you.”

My lover smacked my wet ass. “I knew, Van. I woke up and I

just knew he’d been here and you’d gone with him.” He held me
tighter. “I was so scared I’d lose you, too, like Mom, without
telling you again I loved you and saying goodbye.”

That sobered me. It was easy to forget a person grieved when

they kept it from you.

“I’m right here, darling. Will it upset you if I confess I was

scared, too?”

He took a shuddering breath. “‘Darling’ is it? Now you’re

sucking up to me, but it’s too late. To answer your question,
nothing can upset me more than I already am.”

I suspected as much. “We need to let go of it. I’m fine. You’re

fine. Delauter even smiled at me and his face didn’t crack.
Everything is manageable from here.”

Shane raised his head and looked at me, eyelashes clumped and

glistening with water droplets. Very sexy. I grinned at him.

“You look like the proverbial drowned rat.”
His eyes narrowed. “Now you’re trying to cozy up to me, but

I’m cheap and easy enough that it might work.” He reached for the
washcloth and soap, and rubbed until he had a good lather. “Turn
around and let me wash your back.”

I complied and closed my eyes to savor the feel of his

ministrations. He scrubbed my backside with efficiency, and more
than a bit of force. I sensed his upset giving way to anger.

“Damn, babe, leave me some skin.”
“Fuck you, Donovan.”

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Uh-huh. I steadied myself, determined to let him vent. “Got

something you’d like to say to me, Shane?”

“Nope.”
“Liar.”
He grabbed my shoulders and spun me around to face him.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? Superman? You just walked
right out the door with that lunatic, didn’t you? You didn’t try to
wake me up because you thought you had to protect me at all costs.
Am I right?”

I couldn’t lie to him. “Yes.”
His mouth dropped open. “That’s it? You’re not even going to

try and justify putting yourself in danger like that?”

I rested my hands on his hips. “We both know you’re right.

From your point of view, I can’t defend myself. I did just what you
said, for the reasons you said.” I plucked the washcloth from his
limp fingers, made it sudsy again, and washed his chest. “I had this
feeling you’d sense I was gone, wake up, and call for help.”

“How can you be so offhand about this?”
“I’m not, babe. I feel a little sick to my stomach and my head is

pounding. You saw what my blood pressure was when the
paramedics took it. But I’m determined not to turn into some
sniveling blob of gel over it.”

Shane lifted his hands in the air. “You do think you’re

Superman!”

“With you beside me, who else could I be?”
His mouth dropped open, then snapped closed. “Now you are

really sucking up, MacKenzie. Big time.”

He stared at me, then grabbed the other washcloth. “The water

is getting cold. Wash, then get your ass back in bed. I’ll call the
kitchen and order another breakfast. Maybe we’ll get to eat it

SHINE A LIGHT

116

before it gets cold this time.”

“I wanted to wake you up and surprise you with breakfast in

bed.”

Shane snorted, his unhappy gaze locked to mine. He would be

a while getting over this little escapade. “Well, you did fucking
surprise me, Donovan.”

Donovan. I suspected he’d call me that until I was back in his

good graces. I reached past him and turned off the water. Shane
stepped out of the shower and handed me a towel. As soon as I was
dry, he pointed toward the bed.

I padded over to it on sore feet, obedient. Once I was propped

up on the pillow, I smeared a little of the ointment the paramedics
left on my tender soles. Shane called the kitchen and placed an
order, then handed me a steaming mug of coffee. I patted the spot
beside me, and he joined me on the bed. I draped my free arm
around his shoulders. He sighed and leaned against me.

“Well, Van, life with you doesn’t look to be dull.”
“It could be a little less exciting, babe. I want no repeats of this

morning.”

He tapped his cup to mine, and we sipped. Shane laid his hand,

warmed from his mug, on my thigh.

“I need to call Phil and Bob to let them know what happened.

I’ll tell them we’ll make the performance, but we won’t be there
until the last moment. You will rest today.”

“Yes, dear,” I replied meekly, perfectly content to let him have

his own way today.

“Van, you’re not telling me how you feel about Lynn showing

up here, or what happened. Are you going to keep it all bottled up
inside?”

If only he’d allow me to do that, but I knew he wouldn’t.

SHINE A LIGHT

117

How did I feel? Sometimes it was hard to find words not

scripted for me. I hugged him.

“I was scared, babe. I’m not going to lie about it. Lynn and I

were together over four years, and I never imagined he’d go off the
deep end until it happened. I still never believed he’d actually
physically hurt me until today. Now I have to ask myself if I’m
really that naïve about people.”

“Sometimes we don’t have clarity about the people close to

us.”

“I know. This thing with Lynn…well, I want you to tell me if

you feel ignored. He said I paid more attention to my career than to
him, but I didn’t grasp how deeply his jealousy went. Don’t get
your feathers all ruffled because I’m not comparing you with him,
but I do not want to make the same mistake with you.”

“The same thing goes for you. I have a career, too. We’ll

probably end up working on different coasts from time-to-time. I
can handle that if you can.”

Thank God he saw that possibility and could be mature about

it. “I’ll make sure there’s time written into my contracts so we can
have more than phone sex. It’ll drive Constance crazy negotiating
that.”

Shane laughed. “She’ll love the challenge.”
“Am I forgiven for trying to protect you, Shane?”
“Yeah, I guess. I still have to yell at Scotty, though. The officer

watching the resort entrance reported Lynn driving in and called
for backup. When I called Scotty, he and John were just going off
duty, but they’d heard the call about the car and changed direction.
They could’ve driven faster. Who’s gonna give them a speeding
ticket?”

“Lieutenant Delauter actually has a first name? I’m amazed.” I

SHINE A LIGHT

118

set my empty cup on the nightstand and scrunched down under the
covers.

Shane swallowed the last of his coffee and set his mug aside

mine. We jostled around until we were snuggled down, thigh-to-
thigh. A bright shaft of late morning sunshine spilled across the
bed. He smoothed a lock of hair off my face.

“You need a nap so Andy Pulaski will be on top of his game

tonight.”

I hoped for a lot more. There was a subtle, sliding movement

against my groin as his cock nudged mine. I lifted the sheet and
peeked. Well, well. Things did look promising. Shane shook his
head.

“You sleep first and later that will be your reward for taking a

snooze until the food arrives. Just turn it off for fifteen minutes,
okay?”

Actually, a little nap seemed like a good idea. Maybe it was

coming down off the adrenaline, or perhaps it was just being all
warm and cozy in his arms, but I suddenly struggled to keep my
eyes open. Shane seemed to know.

“There’s so much I want to say to you, Van, but the most

important thing is I really love you. I know you can’t give me a
guarantee. I can’t give you one either, but I want to be with you for
the rest of my life.”

It made me nervous to tempt fate like that, so I’d trust his

courage.

“No one can shine a light into the future, least of all me. I want

to be with you for a long time, too, but know this, Shane. Whatever
happens between us, if we last six minutes or sixty years, I love
you.”

“I know, but time flies when you’re having fun. The future will

SHINE A LIGHT

119

get here before we realize it. So we’ll just shine a light for each
other and see where life takes us. Is it a deal?”

“It’s a deal.”
He sealed it with a kiss.

KC K

ENDRICKS

Best-selling author KC Kendricks makes her home in Maryland. A
2008 Amber Heat Wave Winner, and a 2008 CAPA nominee, KC
writes contemporary gay romances that while are adult in nature,
celebrate love and hope for mature readers.

Writing more traditional romance under a pseudonym, the author is
a two-time EPPIE Finalist, and a 2005 CAPA nominee. With one
contemporary title a #1 bestseller, several other top-ten list titles,
and a few more recommended reads, the author has established
herself as a storyteller that delivers rich, satisfying romantic stories
that feature strong themes of love, hope, and redemption with
positive, upbeat endings.

* * *

Don’t miss Give Me One Night

by KC Kendricks,

available at AmberAllure.com!

When passion changes the rules, one more night can alter the
future…

On St. Patrick’s Day, Brody O’Connor joins the revelry of the
yearly pub crawl, hunting a like-minded man for a night of fun and
frolic with no strings attached. When a mystery man in an emerald

green shirt engages Brody’s interest, it doesn’t take long for the
hunter to become the prey.

Well-matched with his mystery man, Brody regrets his “no
strings” approach to a night of shared passion that leaves him
hungry for more. The morning after, Evan is gone, as agreed.
Brody knows it was a mistake to let him go, and vows to find him.

Evan also never expected to meet someone like Brody. Now Brody
wants to change the rules, and Evan decides he’ll give Brody one
more night to convince him to stay…

MBER

UILL

RESS

, LLC

OLD

TANDARD IN

UBLISHING

UALITY

OOKS

OTH

RINT AND

LECTRONIC

ORMATS

CTION

DVENTURE

USPENSE

HRILLER

CIENCE

ICTION

ARK

ANTASY

AINSTREAM

OMANCE

ORROR

ROTICA

ANTASY

GLBT

ESTERN

YSTERY

ARANORMAL

ISTORICAL

IRECT

AVE

www.AmberQuill.com

www.AmberHeat.com

www.AmberAllure.com

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