Second Time Around

Sandrine Gasq-Dion

Dedication

To my family

Jenjo, Kim and Jen

My loyal readers

© Copyright 2012

~*RONIN*~

It’s amazing the things you

think about when you’re in denial.
Did I pay the bills? Is the coffee
pot off? Did I take the trash out?

Right now I would have

preferred to think of anything other
than where I was. I was standing
next to a hole in the ground
watching my partner of twelve
years being lowered in a solid
wood casket. I’d wanted something
snazzy; something with a “Star
Wars” theme - Mav would have

loved that.

Maverick Holliday, the man

I’d fallen head over heels for in
college, was gone. I couldn’t get
used to the fact that I was a
widower, even though we hadn’t
had the chance to get married yet.

Our parents were good with

our relationship, but it hadn’t been
easy in the beginning. Brigitte and
Monroe Holliday had no idea their
son was gay until he brought me
home for Christmas the first year
we were together. Let’s just say the
eggnog flowed in abundance that
night. They screamed at Mav, and

then kicked us both out of the
house. I’m pretty sure I remember
Mav pissing on their lighted
reindeer out front and then running
over Frosty in the driveway.
They’d come around after about a
year; Mav wouldn’t speak to them
and, in the end, their love for their
son finally pushed them into
reconciling. My parents, on the
other hand, had always known I
was gay. It was kind of hard to
hide when I was walking around
the house at ten years old in my
mom’s high heels and dresses
singing “It’s Raining Men.”

I had to laugh a little at that,

which earned me a few raised
eyebrows from my fellow
mourners. Mav wouldn’t want me
to be sad; he’d always said that if
he went first, he wanted a huge
party at the house with a
Chewbacca impersonator. (I
couldn’t find one of those, so I
settled for “Star Wars” party plates
and cups.) My attention was drawn
back to the coffin as Mav’s mom
let out a broken sob.

I tightened my fingers around

hers and closed my eyes. This was
it. Mav was being laid to rest, his

life cut short by a drunk driver. I
heard the unmistakable sound of the
coffin hitting the bottom and
swallowed the large lump in my
throat. I’d cried more in the last
week than I had in my entire life.

The frigid wind blew across

my face and I realized I was crying
again. My mother stood on the
other side of me, wiping her nose
with a tissue. God love her, she’d
loved Mav fiercely. He had that
effect on you, though; his smile
would melt you into a big, splashy
puddle.

I was vaguely aware of the

pastor saying something to me. I
nodded, not quite hearing him, and
took the shovel from him. Stepping
up to the hole, I peered down and
saw the coffin Mav’s mother had
picked out. It seemed cold, not like
Mav at all. I scooped some dirt
onto the end of the shovel and
dropped it on the coffin below. It
landed on the wood with a thud and
I lost my composure, sliding to my
knees and grabbing the earth in my
fingers. Why Mav? He had such a
bright future ahead of him as a
doctor.

Brigitte and Mom took me by

the arms and picked me up. I
glanced over my shoulder as we
walked back to the limo; people
were still standing around as a
light rain started to fall.

My life was being covered

with every shovelful of dirt that
landed in the huge gaping hole.

~*~

The house seemed empty as

Mom opened the door for me.
Mav’s sneakers sat up against the
wall on the mud mat. His jacket
hung carelessly over the side of the

couch arm like he’d get back to it,
ya know? I hadn’t been here since
the day I’d found out. I couldn’t.

Brigitte went to make coffee

and get all the food in order. I sat
down on the couch and took Mav’s
jacket off the arm, holding it up to
my nose. The scent of “Old Spice”
filled my nostrils and I let a heady
sigh escape my lips. God, I loved
the smell of him.

“Ronin, why don’t you take a

shower, honey?” my mother
suggested.

I shook my head.
“I don’t feel like it.”

“Sweetheart.”
She sat down next to me and

took my face in her hands.

“I know this is hard for you,

but Maverick wouldn’t want you to
wallow.”

I blinked and focused on her

face. “It’s been a week, Mom. Let
me wallow.”

“She’s right, you know,”
Brigitte came back into the

living room with three cups of
coffee and a small plate of biscotti.

“Maverick would want you

to move on with your life. God
knows my son had his ways,”

Brigitte smiled.

I sighed and covered my face

with Mav’s jacket.

“Can we just get this over

with? I have no interest in sitting
here for God knows how many
hours while people tell me how
sorry they are that my partner is
gone. I’m supposed to go back to
work on Monday and face a
classroom of high school kids and
teach them the English language.”

“Jules, why don’t you take

Ronin upstairs?” Brigitte said
gently.

I took the jacket off my face

and huffed at both of them. “I’m not
a child. Go do whatever it is you
women do in the kitchen.”

I pushed off the couch and

trudged upstairs to my room.
Closing the door, I looked at the
king-sized bed with its rumpled
sheets and comforter. I collapsed
onto the bed and buried my face
into Mav’s pillow, inhaling deeply.

“God, I miss you so much.”
Burying my face in the

pillow, my thoughts drifted back to
the day I met Maverick Holliday.

~~*University of

Arizona*~~

12 years earlier.

The dorm halls were

crowded and smelled of sweat and
fear. I fumbled around in my bag
for the paper that held the room
number I was looking for. My
freshman year of college was

starting off with a bang. I got a flat
tire on my way in, spilled my
caramel latte all over my shirt and
stubbed my toe. Now my bag had
just slipped off my shoulder and
proceeded to vomit all its contents
onto the hall floor. I groaned and
dropped to my knees, picking up
all the books that had slid out.

A shoe landed on my finger

and I yelped in pain.

“Sorry, dude.”
I looked up just in time to

catch the back of the dickwad who
had just stepped on my index
finger. I wanted to flip him off, but

lost the energy. Finally righting my
bag, I found the paper I was
looking for and made my way
down the hall.

Music blasted from some of

the rooms and doors opened,
giving me a glimpse at some of my
fellow underclassmen. I finally
found my room and turned the door
knob.

Opening the door, I walked

into a galaxy far, far away. I mean
literally. I have no idea how long
my roommate had been in the room,
but he’d made it his. One wall was
blue with twinkling stars and the

‘Millennium Falcon’ painted into
the scene along with the ‘Death
Star.’ I expected Darth Vader to
jump out at me.

“Holy shit,” I whispered.
“Um, yeah, hi.”
I turned to find a guy with a

lopsided grin looking at me. Oh
holy shit and hot damn was he hot!
Black hair was cropped short,
accentuating pale grey eyes. The
body of a wrestler was wrapped in
jeans and a Wildcats football
jersey. My cock thickened on sight.

“Is this your work?” I

grinned, showing off my fantastic

capped teeth. Having dentists for
parents had its perks.

“Yes, it is,” he smiled shyly.

“I’m sorry you got stuck rooming
with the nerd.” He tilted his head,
looking at me. “You sure you’ve
got the right room? I was told I’d
have a nerd in here with me.”

I looked at the paper in my

hand and prayed I had gotten the
right room. I looked up and smiled.

“12-A?” I laughed when the

guy nodded. “Well, I’m your nerd
then.”

I looked around the room and

chuckled at the TIE fighters

hanging suspended from the
ceiling. “I take it you like ‘Star
Wars’?” I turned back around to
see him toeing the carpet with his
sneaker.

“Yeah, if it bugs you, I’ll

take it down,” he offered.

“What? No Jar Jar Binks?”
In my humble opinion, Jar

Jar Binks is the most annoying
character ever created. Truth be
told, I tried to watch the newer
movies just for Hayden
Christensen, but even his hotness
couldn’t help. In fact, I think I fell
asleep during the first fifteen

minutes. A loud snort interrupted
my reverie and I almost peed
myself at the look on the guy’s
face. His nose twitched in disgust,
like I’d farted or something.

“That is not ‘Star Wars’,” he

snorted again in disgust.

I had to smile. No wonder

we’d been paired. My roommate
felt the same way I did about the
old ‘new’ “Star Wars.” I put my
hand out.

“Ronin Eastland.”
“Maverick Holliday. Before

you say it,” he held his hand up
after he’d shaken mine, “my mom

had a thing for ‘Top Gun’.”

“Will Goose be joining us?”

I asked with a smile.

“If we get along, you are

Goose,” he said, closing the door
to the room.

“As long as I don’t end up

like him.”

I dropped my bag on the bed

across from his. I noted the size of
the room and closet space. The
carpet was sort of grey and the
walls - well my wall - was white.

“I’m sorry, do you fly jets?”

Maverick asked me.

“Not lately,” I looked over

my shoulder at him and grinned. “I
can’t say shit anyway. Ronin?
Hello? Robert De Niro, anyone?”

Maverick laughed.
“You have any luggage?” he

asked.

“In my car.”
“Well, why don’t we go get

it and then grab some lunch, get to
know each other?”

I nodded and stretched my

back. “Lunch where?”

He shrugged. “Wherever. Do

you live in Arizona? Or are you
just here for college?”

“No, I live here. Up in

Sabino Canyon.” I eyed him.
“You?”

“Live here. Foothills.”
“Snob,” I laughed.
“Snobbier.”
“Is that even a word?”
He shrugged and opened the

door.

“It is now.”

After dragging my bags up

from the car, we headed into town
for lunch. We ended up in the
McDonald’s drive thru and we
were back on the road again
headed for the college. The end of

summer was at hand and the heat
was unrelenting. Living in Arizona
had taught me one thing - don’t
drive a car with leather seats while
wearing shorts. Oh, and always
keep pot holders handy if you don’t
have a steering wheel cover.

There was a frustrated sigh

to my right and I looked over at
Maverick. He was picking pickles
off his burger and throwing them
out the window.

“They fuck you at the drive

thru,” he mumbled.

“Isn’t that in ‘Lethal

Weapon’?” I asked with a grin.

Maverick turned an

incredulous eye towards me.

“Do you know every line

from every movie?”

I shrugged, giving him my

best grin. “Maybe.”

“We have got to play board

games with other roomies. We
could kick some serious ass.”

I motioned to the jersey he

was wearing. “Are you a football
fan?”

Maverick turned in the seat

and that’s when I got a full view of
the back of his jersey. The number
seven and the name - Holliday.

“You play?” I spluttered.

Okay, so not my finest moment.

“Yup,” Maverick inhaled his

burger.

“But, you’re…I mean…”
“A nerd?”
I blushed at that one. I had no

idea what to say. My roommate
was a football player and a
drop-dead gorgeous one at that. I
pulled my thoughts together and
then stuck my foot right back in my
mouth.

“Next thing you’ll tell me is

that you’re gay, too.”

Maverick coughed and I

thumped him on his back. “Are you
okay?”

“Yeah, fine.”
I concentrated on the road,

but it had gotten extremely quiet in
the car. Now I felt like an ass.
When didn’t I though? I had a habit
of saying things before I thought
them through. I was the male
version of Lindsay Lohan’s
character in ‘Mean Girls.’ Me and
my damn word vomit. I pulled into
the parking space at the dorms and
shut the car off. Maverick sat
quietly, chewing on a fry.

“I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have

said that.”

“What if I was?” Maverick

turned to look at me. I knew my
mouth was hanging open; I had a
habit of doing that, too.

“Um, I wouldn’t care,” I said

slowly.

“You wouldn’t care if your

roommate was gay?”

Now came the moment of

truth. I was going to have to come
clean about my sexuality to a guy
I’d just met, probably went to a
rival high school and was now my
roommate. God, I hoped I could
contain my growing need to run

from the car screaming.

“No, I wouldn’t.” I took a

deep breath. “I’m gay.”

Maverick started at that

information and I saw my chances
of being in a dorm room with a hot
guy slipping away. This wasn’t
new to me, though; I’d lost
friendships before for being gay
and I learned a long time ago to say
it before things got too
comfortable. I decided to keep
going, because, you know, word
vomit and all.

“So, I guess it’s out there

now. Punch me, slap me, scream at

me, kick me out of the room, but
just make it quick, okay?”

A hand flew out at me, but it

didn’t hit me. It grabbed the back
of my neck and hauled me forward.
Warm lips were on mine and the
taste of ketchup and onions invaded
my mouth.

Maverick Holliday was

kissing me.

A loud groan escaped me as

I was pushed into the door,
Maverick almost in my lap. Hands
found my hips and fingers dug into
my skin. The door handle was in
my back and I couldn’t have cared

less. Maverick’s mouth was
feasting on mine. Damn was he a
good kisser, too. I felt my tightie
whities getting wet as Maverick’s
tongue explored my mouth, licking
at the insides. Even though it was
well over a hundred degrees
outside, I swore the windows were
fogging up. Maverick’s nostrils
flared as he continued to kiss me,
his hands sliding over my more
than ready erection.

I finally found my brain

somewhere and put a hand to
Maverick’s cheek. He pulled back
slowly, breathing hard and

searching my eyes.

“We should…um, go to the

room?”

Maverick nodded and

relaxed into his own seat. I took the
keys out of the ignition with a
shaking hand and finally managed
to open the door. I got out and
stood on wobbly legs waiting for
Maverick to exit my car. He did
and we walked a few feet apart
back to the dorms.

As soon as the door closed, I

opened my mouth to say something
and Maverick grabbed me again. In
my defense, I do know when to shut

up. My shirt was gone, then my
pants and I was getting the once
over from a fully dressed Maverick
Holliday. I blushed at the scrutiny
and tried to cover the erection that
was currently standing up like a
damn flag pole in my underwear.
Maverick just smiled at me as he
pulled his jersey off.

I’m not a wimpy guy, don’t

get me wrong - but Mav? Oh, hell.
He was sculpted to perfection,
casually flaunting rippling abs and
massive biceps. I almost creamed
my tighties right then.

His hands fumbled with the

button of his jeans and I couldn’t
look away for fear I’d miss
something. The zipper came down
and I almost choked on my own
spit as Maverick’s jeans slid down
his legs along with his boxers. His
cock was huge and leaking, and
God help me I had to have it in my
mouth. I was on my knees in
seconds, massaging his balls as I
licked up his hard shaft.
Maverick’s hands were in my hair,
massaging my scalp as I sucked the
rim of his cock. His hips pumped
into my mouth as I took him deeper,
sucking on his prick like I needed it

to function.

“Oh fuck yes, Ronin…”
I moaned at the tone of his

voice and lapped at his cock more.
I slicked a finger with spit and
traced around the muscle of his
hole. The fingers in my hair
tightened as I breached the ring of
muscle and slid my finger into
Maverick’s ass. A blast of heat
shot down my throat and
Maverick’s snapped back, a loud
delicious moan leaving his throat
as I sucked and swallowed
happily. I eased back a bit,
pressing a kiss to Maverick’s now

sensitive head and leaned against
his thigh to catch my breath.

“Ronin?”
“Yes?”
“Are you a top or a bottom?”
“I’m whatever you want right

now,” I said, running my cheek
against his thigh.

“I want to fuck you,” he

whispered.

I looked up at him just then

and saw the carnal need in his
eyes, and oh God how I wanted
him inside me, fucking me into
oblivion. I stood up and walked to
my side of the room. Unzipping my

duffel, I grabbed the contents
inside and turned to face Maverick.

“Your bed or mine?”
I thought for sure we’d alert

the whole dorm as to what we
were doing. Maverick had me on
my hands and knees, plowing into
me. My fucking prostate was in
heaven as Maverick nailed it every
single time. His hand was at my
hip, pulling me onto him and one
arm was draped across my waist,
holding me in place. My fucking
balls were swaying back and forth,
hitting Maverick’s, and I almost
screamed at how good it felt. I

managed to grab my cock and
stroke it as Maverick pounded me
into the bed. I heard a gasp behind
me, and then Maverick let out a
low, feral groan and collapsed on
my back. I spurted onto the sheets
below and fell down in the wet
spot.

Ew.
“Holy fuck, Ronin,”

Maverick gasped.

I tried to grab air into my

lungs as the aftershocks of my
magnificent orgasm ebbed away. I
looked over my shoulder to see a
sly smile on Maverick’s face.

“You knew I was gay,” I

accused, tightening my ass around
Maverick’s cock, still inside me.

“Oh, shit,” he exhaled,

closing his eyes. “I had a clue.”

“I didn’t,” I laughed and

leaned up to kiss him. His lips met
mine softly and a warm hand
caressed my face.

“The minute you walked into

this room I was so glad you had
your back to me so you couldn’t
see the look of pure lust on my
face,” he confessed. “You looked
so good from the back, and then
when you turned around…”

“Yeah? You thought I was

hot?” I nibbled on his bottom lip a
little.

“I thought you were

beautiful. Your eyes are like
caramel wrapped in chocolate.”
He smiled, playing with wisps of
my hair. “And your hair is a shade
of blond I’ve never seen. It’s a
sexy combination.”

I gently eased him out of me

and rolled onto my back, cradling
his ass in my hands.

“I’m a ‘Star Wars’ fan, too;

what are the odds?”

Maverick chuckled, nuzzling

his nose against mine.

“That is definitely a plus.

You remind me of Roo.”

“Who?”
“Roo, you know? The

kangaroo in ‘Winnie the Pooh’?”

I cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Why?”

“You’re very enthusiastic,”

he laughed. “I bet you get into your
share of trouble, too, seeing as you
can’t control what comes out of
your mouth.”

“I can control what goes in

it, though.” I narrowed my eyes at
him.

“Nope, too late. You are

Roo.”

“You’re not like normal

football players, are you?”

“Define normal.”
“You know the kind: Me

make meat on grill! Fuck women!
Drink beer!”

Maverick laughed at my

impression of a caveman. I thought
it was pretty good.

“Funny, you are.”
It was my turn to laugh at

Maverick’s Yoda impression.

“Will you talk like that all

the time? I love the backwards

Yoda talk.”

Maverick leaned in, kissing

me softly. “For you, anything.”

~*~

Happy memory interrupted, I

sighed in frustration as yet one
more sad face said how sorry they
were for my loss. What good does
that do? I get it, really I do. But it’s
not their fault Maverick was
driving home late from his shift,
and none of them were drunk
behind the wheel. He was gone
before I even made it to the

hospital. I didn’t even get to say
goodbye.

The sad part was I knew

something was wrong. I felt it. My
watch had stopped at ten fifty eight.
The exact time Maverick took his
last breath at the accident scene. In
that moment, I lost everything. I’d
never love anyone again, not like I
loved Mav.

Once the house cleared, I

said goodbye to my mom and
Mav’s and headed upstairs to my
room. Mav’s father had taken my
dad out somewhere. My father was
never good with the touchy-feely

stuff. He patted my back, gave me a
quick hug and tried to smile. I sank
onto the bed and grabbed Mav’s
pillow, inhaling deeply. I didn’t
want to let him go, I couldn’t let
him go. We were fated to be
roommates, fall in love, and get
married. Both of us wanted that.

Now I lay on an empty bed

that I may never change the sheets
on thinking about the one man I’d
spent years with. I didn’t know
what to do, where to go and most
of all, how to live without Mav by
my side.

~*MAVERICK*~

I always knew I belonged

with Ronin Eastland. Somehow, I
just knew. The day he walked into
my dorm room was the day I lost
my heart to him. We were
inseparable from the beginning. I
came out because of him, to my
parents, the team…everyone. He
never pushed me to do it, never
threatened to leave, he just…
waited.

We had finally gotten our

own place to live and I watched

him unpacking boxes; his tight ass
bent over made my dick hard. I
was at Tucson General and he was
at the high school nearby working
as an English teacher. Our college
days behind us, we were quite the
domestic couple.

It had been an exercise in

hilarity watching us both try to deal
with the others’ bad habits. Ronin
and his caramel latte with a shot of
whipped cream, me and my
obsessive need to have the
toothpaste pushed from the end, not
the middle. I picked up his clothes,
and he put them back on the floor.

We had our fights, just as all
couples do, but at the end of the
day I knew there’d never be anyone
else for me.

“Roo,” I cooed. I knew he

hated the nickname and I only used
it in bed. Except for right now. I
smiled as the love of my life turned
to face me with his hands firmly
planted on his hips.

“In bed, Mav, not out of it.”
I smiled and beckoned him

over with my finger. His anger
dissipated and he slumped his
shoulders and walked over to me. I
enveloped him in my arms and took

in his scent. He smelled like fresh
soap. I loved the smell of Ronin.

“Babe, take a break so we

can get freaky.”

“I haven’t found the box with

your special undies.”

I laughed at the innocent look

Ronin gave me. He was the devil
himself in bed, pounding me until
my knuckles turned white and I
thought I’d break in half. We also
had those nights where Ronin
would make love to me, hold me
and kiss me like we had all the
time in the world. I had the best of
both worlds, a naughty demon in

bed and an angel who loved me
like no other.

“I can go commando this

time,” I waggled my eyebrows and
Ronin grinned at me.

“Let me just find the lube and

I’ll meet you in the bedroom.”

“Oh, did you—”
“I got your chamomile and

honey out first thing, babe,” Ronin
said, looking over his shoulder
with a look that would surely make
the devil blush.

I watched that tight ass

walking away from me until it
disappeared into thin air. What the

fuck? I looked around the house
and it was gone.

I was in a white room. I

closed my eyes again.

When I opened them again, a

blond-haired twink was looking at
me. What the hell? Where the fuck
was I? I sat up a bit, looking
around and taking in my
surroundings. White walls, sheets
and curtains were everywhere.
Someone needed decorating tips.
DIY came to mind. The blond
twinkie’s brows furrowed and I sat
up a bit more, craning my neck to
see if there was more white beyond

where I was.

“Stop calling me that,”

Twinkie said.

“What?” I asked a bit

perplexed at how Twinkie knew
what I was calling him.

“That - Twinkie, twink, I’m

neither.”

I looked right at Twink - the

guy - and looked him over. Blond
curls cascaded and golden eyes
looked me over. A white robe
covered up most of him, but he was
beautiful.

“Thanks.”
I started and my eyes

widened as he smiled at me.

“What’s your name?” I

asked.

“Gabriel. And you are

Maverick Holliday.”

“Am I…?” God, I didn’t

know how to ask the question.

“Dead?” Gabriel asked.

“Yep, stone cold.”

My stomach churned and I

felt the urge to puke rising. Oh God
- Ronin…

“He’s not doing well,”

Gabriel said. “He’s taking your
death very hard.”

I swallowed hard and took a

deep breath. “How long have I
been dead?”

Gabriel looked at his nails

and chewed the end of one. “A
year.”

“A year?”
“Yep, he’s not getting any

better. In fact, I’d say he’s
contemplating joining you up here,
and we can’t have that. You
weren’t supposed to die, Dr.
Holliday. You weren’t even
supposed to be at work that night.
Someone fell asleep on your watch
and now we have to fix this
situation.”

“What do you mean, fix it?

I’ve been dead for a year!”

“You’ll be sent back down

and placed in another man’s body.”
Gabriel snapped his fingers and a
notepad appeared in his hands.
“Okay, so, let’s stick with the
doctor theme, because you know
medicine,” Gabriel clucked his
tongue and looked over the note
pad.

I don’t know why, but I just

sat there. I couldn’t find anything to
say. Was I really dead? Was I
dreaming? Had I drank Ronin’s
caramel latte? Sugar always did

fuck me up.

“Nope, you’re not

dreaming.” Gabriel flipped the
page of his notebook. “Let’s try to
keep your name almost the same,
makes it easier.”

“Wait a minute.” I threw my

legs over the side of the bed and
stood up. The room tipped
sideways and I hung on to the bed
as a wave of nausea hit me.

“Calm down there, sport,”

Gabriel said. “Don’t get your thong
in a twist.”

I looked up quickly at that

statement. The little shit had a

gleam in his eye.

“Yes, I know Ronin made

you wear thongs during your…”
Gabriel tapped at his chin. “Fun
time? I’d watch your language,
too.” Gabriel pointed up with his
pen. “He hears all.”

“I just got here,” I said.

“How can it have already been a
year?”

“Time moves differently up

here, besides, I didn’t want to
interrupt your trip down memory
lane,” Gabriel said, a blush dusting
his cheeks.

I avoided his gaze as if he

were Medusa and asked the one
question I probably shouldn’t have.

“Will I be me? I mean, will I

remember what Ronin and I had?” I
looked up.

Gabriel shifted

uncomfortably and avoided my
gaze.

“Oh, you’ve got to be

kidding me! You guys screw up
and I’m supposed to find the love
of my life without knowing him?” I
almost shouted.

Gabriel pointed at me. “You

did it the first time.”

“Fine. How does this work?”

I sat down on the edge of the bed
and folded my arms across my
chest.

“I’ll send you back down.

You will be placed into another
man’s body as his soul is leaving.
I’ll put you as close as I can to
Ronin but the rest is up to you.”

I sighed in frustration and

pushed my hair back from my
forehead. “Okay, what’s my
name?”

Gabriel grinned.
“Oh come on, don’t keep me

in suspense.”

“You are Maverick Cruise.”

I snorted. “Seriously?”
“Hey!” Gabriel stood up. “I

got as close as I could! You’re
lucky this woman had a thing for
‘Top Gun’!”

I rubbed my face with my

hands. “So then what? I find him
and fall in love with him all over
again. Will I ever remember who I
was?” I looked up to see Gabriel
avoiding my gaze yet again.
“Please tell me somehow I get to
remember.”

“I’ve never seen it happen,”

he whispered.

“Well it will with me and

Ronin!” I shouted. “I’ve loved him
from the moment I set eyes on
him!”

“Good,” Gabriel looked me

square in the eye. “You’ve got fire.
Now get back down there and get
your man!”

“Fine!” I shouted and stalked

past him out the door. I hit a
hallway and looked in both
directions. White as far as the eye
could see. Music floated around
me and I sighed loudly.

“Which way do I go?”
“Good luck.”
I turned around to see

Gabriel floating in midair. “Are
you…?”

“Goodbye, Maverick.”

~*RONIN*~

I knew I looked like death

warmed over. I didn’t much care
either. I forced myself up every
morning, came to work and
plastered a smile on my face for
the kids. They weren’t dumb,
however. Most of my students
were in their teens, some of them
even gay. I’d gotten little bags of
snacks from them over the last
year. Small subtle hints that I
needed to eat. I had no appetite; I
had no will to go on. My life was

one day to the next, barely scraping
by and trying to hold on until death
came to take my emaciated body.
Oh, and did I mention Christmas
was right around the corner? If one
more person said ‘happy holidays’
I was going to shove a Christmas
tree up their ass. Decorated.

I missed Maverick. The

house was too quiet but I couldn’t
sell it. I couldn’t bear to sleep
without Maverick’s pillow. His
scent still lingered on the fabric.
Pictures of the two of us still
graced the walls. I couldn’t take
them down. Everywhere I looked I

was reminded of the loss of the one
man I’d never get over. The papers
on my desk were becoming blurry
and I’d forgotten what I was doing.
Tests, that’s right. I was grading
tests. The classroom was eerily
quiet and I looked up to see all the
kids staring at me.

“What?” I asked, looking

around the room.

“Um, your nose is bleeding,

Mr. Eastland,” one of them said.

“It is?” I wiped at my nose

and pulled my hand away. A red
streak ran across the top of my
hand. Just looking at the red smear

made my stomach turn and I felt
queasy. The room spun and I stood
up. One of the kids was running
over to me and then the room went
black.

When I opened my eyes

again, I was in a bed with an IV
drip. A slow beep indicated I was
hooked up to a heart monitor. I
tried to focus on something in the
room and couldn’t. A short cough
alerted me to someone else in the
room. I narrowed my eyes and
blinked a few times.

A man stood a few feet from

the bed. A white coat and a
stethoscope stood out first, and
then his face came into view. I
blinked rapidly a few times and
tried to focus. The face slowly
became clearer and I saw pale grey
eyes smiling at me. I squinted,
hoping it would help.

Oh God, was I dead finally?

I swear I was looking at Maverick.
Did they have doctors in heaven?
Wasn’t that redundant?

“Maverick?” I whispered.
“Do we know each other,

Mr. Eastland?”

I sat up a bit at that. The

voice was so familiar. I tried to
focus again and felt another wave
of nausea hit.

“Hey, take it easy. You’re in

the hospital,” he said.

“Why?” I asked, like an

idiot. I knew why. I’d starved
myself to the point of passing out. I
weighed twenty pounds less than I
had when Mav was alive.

The doctor pulled up a chair

and leaned forward. I still couldn’t
get a focused look at him, but he
looked so much like Mav. I wanted
to reach out and touch him just to
make sure.

“You’re severely dehydrated

Mr. Eastland—”

“It’s Ronin; please, call me

Ronin.”

“All right, Ronin.”
My heart beat faster as my

name left his lips. I swear he
sounded just like Mav. Maybe I
was dead? Maybe I’m dreaming. If
I am I want it to last forever. I tried
to sit up again and a warm hand
covered mine. A tingle flew up my
spine and I opened my eyes wide,
trying to see the man next to me.
Black hair and grey eyes looked at
me with worry.

“Mav?” I whispered, leaning

over to get a closer look.

“How do you know my

name?”

“Your name is Maverick?” I

sat back on the bed, willing myself
not to scream.

“Yes, Maverick Cruise.”
I snorted. Don’t ask me why,

it was just too convenient for me.
He laughed and the sound
reverberated around my tiny room.

“I know, I know, the whole

‘Top Gun’ thing. I guess my mom
had a thing for Tom Cruise.”

“Why is my eyesight blurry?”

“You need fluids, and a hell

of a lot of bed rest, Ronin. You’ve
starved yourself.”

“When can I go home?” I

have no idea why I asked that
question. I didn’t want to go home.
I knew I’d crawl into bed and lay
there until an angel or the devil
came to get me.

“Not for a while. I want to

make sure you put some weight
on.”

The doctor pulled a notepad

out of his pocket and tilted his head
at me.

“What kind of food do you

like?” he asked.

I sat back in astonishment. “I

can have regular food?”

He nodded and a slow

lopsided grin spread across his
face. “Not a feast, but yeah.
Regular food.”

I almost cried.
“Burgers.”
Maverick – Dr. Cruise -

scribbled on his notepad. “Any
specific kind?”

“Just a plain cheeseburger

will do. Extra pickles.” Yeah, I
threw that in. Dr. Cruise’s nose
twitched in disgust. I cocked my

head, looking at him. “You don’t
like pickles?”

“No, but I swear every time I

order a burger they put extra on
them.”

“Hmm.”
“What?”
“Nothing.” I wasn’t going to

push it. I don’t think I could have
taken it if I asked about his method
of disposing them and he answered
it the way I wanted, or didn’t. The
doctor stood up and stepped away
from my bed.

“Well, I’ll get right on this

Ronin. You’ve got quite a few

people out in the hall waiting to
see you. Try to get some rest, all
right?”

“Will…will I see you

again?” My voice sounded garbled;
I realized I’d started crying again.
Dr. Cruise came back to my
bedside and sat on the edge.

“I’ve heard about your loss. I

know there’s nothing I could
possibly say to make it better, but I
am here to lend you an ear.”

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“You have no idea how many
‘sorrys’ I’ve heard in the last
year.”

“I’m your doctor, so if you

need anything, just let me know,
okay?”

I nodded and he smiled,

squeezing my hand. It was the best
feeling I’d had in a long time. I
leaned back and closed my eyes.

My mom came to see me

again the following day. I’d had
just about enough visitors in the
last twenty-four hours to last me a
lifetime. My kids from class even
came to visit. My mom sat in the
chair next to the bed and tried to
smile at me. God knows I scared

her to death. I knew I was hurting
her by not taking care of myself, I
just didn’t know how to make
myself hungry, to stop feeling the
pain of losing Mav. My father
stood by the door to the room and
looked around nervously.

“I’m not going to explode,

Dad.” I pushed the mashed
potatoes around on my plate. There
was something that looked like
Salisbury steak on the plate along
with the ugliest green beans I’d
ever seen. The sauce - if that’s
what you’d call it - congealed on
the piece of meat. I was waiting for

the steak to get up and walk away,
maybe even eye me as it slithered
off, appalled at my refusal to eat its
awesomeness.

“I’m not sure about that,

Ronin.” my dad said, raising a
brow.

“Ronin, darling,” my mom

started.

“Which one, Mom?” I asked

with what I could only imagine
looked like a grimace. I was going
for a smile. My dad was Ronin
Senior, which made me Junior. My
father and I had fun with that one
when I was younger.

“Jules,” my father held his

hand up. “I’m done keeping quiet.”

“Really,Dad? But you’ve

been so good at it all this time,” I
snorted.

“I realize I haven’t been the

best at accepting your sexuality, but
I’ve never loved you less for it. I
loved Maverick, too. He was like
my own son.”

My head shot up at that. I’ve

never heard my dad say anything
like that about Maverick. I opened
my mouth and my father raised his
hand again.

“Let me get this out. Was I

happy when you told us you were
gay? Not really, but I got over it.
You’re still my son and it’s killing
me to watch you waste away.
Maverick was a good man, and he
would not want you slowly killing
yourself. Dammit, Ronin! You are
a strong man!”

I shoveled what looked like

Jell-O into my mouth and glared at
my father. “Does this make you
happy? I was strong! Then
Maverick died!”

“Are you angry?” my father

asked.

“Fuck yes, I am!” I shouted.

“He left me!” It took a second to
process what I’d just said. I looked
up at my father and felt the fucking
tears coming again. “I…no…I
didn’t mean that…”

My father came to my side

and took my hands.

“It’s all right to be angry

with him, Ronin.”

I shook my head and wiped

at my eyes. “I don’t want to be. I
don’t think I can do this, Dad,” I
whispered.

“You can. Do you know how

I know this?”

I shook my head.

“Because only a strong man

could walk around in a woman’s
high heels.”

I blinked. A smile spread

across my face as my father winked
at me. I burst out laughing and my
father hugged me hard.

“I love you, son. Please

don’t let me lose two children.”

The door to my tiny room

opened and Dr. Cruise walked in,
nose buried in my file. I hadn’t
seen him since the night before
when he brought me my yummy
calorie-filled cheeseburger. With
extra pickles, no less.

“Hi, Doc.” I smiled, lying

back in bed. I shot a glance at my
mother and had to cover my mouth.
A herd of antelopes could have run
into her mouth, it was hanging open
that wide. I guess I got that trait
from her.

“How’s my patient?” he

asked, nose still buried in my file.

“Honestly? I’m feeling a bit

disgusted.” He looked up at me just
then and my eyes went wide. I
could see just fine now and what I
saw was my Maverick. The eyes
were the same, the hair - although a
bit shorter - the same color. I could

almost feel its soft texture under my
hands. My knees went weak as that
lopsided smile appeared, making
his eyes sparkle. Yes, I do know
how corny that sounds.

“Oh?” he asked with a bit of

playfulness in his voice.

My mother coughed and I

looked in her direction. At least
she had shut the antelope prairie.
Dr. Cruise realized there were two
other people in the room and turned
to my parents, extending his hand.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize

Ronin had company. I’m Dr.
Cruise.”

My mom, to her credit,

snapped out of her staring phase
and took my doctor’s hand,
pumping it slowly.

“Are you married, doctor?”

she asked bluntly.

“Mom!” I blurted.
Dr. Cruise chuckled and I

swear it was Mav’s laugh. My
heart ached as I looked at the man
who could have been the love of
my life’s twin. How cruel was
that? Dr. Cruise shook his head and
smiled.

“Nope, not married.”
“Gay?”

“Mother!” I shrunk down into

the bed and covered my face with a
pillow. Thank God for my father.

“We should go, Jules. Let

Ronin get some rest?” he
suggested, none too gently.

“Oh thank God,” I muffled

from under the pillow.

“We’ll be back tomorrow,

son. Sleep well.”

I waved my hand from

underneath the blankets and heard
the door whisper shut behind them.

“So, do you plan on staying

under the pillow all night? I need
to examine you and it would be

much easier if I could actually see
your face,” Dr. Cruise said, a hint
of amusement coloring his voice.

I pulled the pillow down

slowly and looked at him standing
there with what could only be
described as a smirk. Oh God, he
so reminded me of Mav.

“What are you going to do

exactly?” I narrowed my eyes at
him. “Because the last person who
came in here took my blood and my
pee.” I cocked an eyebrow as Dr.
Cruise lifted both of his.

“No stool sample?” He

looked down at his chart with a

frown. “I specifically asked for
shit.”

There went my mouth again,

dropping to the bed as I looked at
him with my what-the-fuck face.

“That’s a good look on you,”

he said with a grin. “I’m kidding.”

“Yeah well, the nurse poked

me in my arm a million times
looking for a vein that sticks out
begging for a needle!” I pointed to
my arm and he leaned in to look.

“Huh…what did she look

like?”

“Big. Scary,” I said,

shivering for effect.

He nodded, looking serious.

“It could have been the nurse I call
Rancor; I try to stay far away from
her.”

My eyes widened and I

dropped my jaw again. “I’m
sorry…excuse me?”

He blushed and gave me a

sheepish grin. “Sorry, I have to
remember that not everyone is a
‘Star Wars’ buff. Rancor was—”

“That ugly looking monster

in ‘Return of the Jedi,’ yeah, I
know. Luke kills him.” Dr.
Cruise’s mouth dropped open and I
did my little victory dance at how I

wasn’t the only one who actually
did that.

“You like ‘Star Wars’?” he

asked.

“What’s not to like? I’ve

seen them all.” I almost laughed as
Dr. Cruise’s nose twitched. It was
Mav’s thing; he always did that
little twitch when something
disgusted him or offended him. I
saw him do it a lot at my expense.

“I haven’t. I refuse to see the

‘old’ new ones.”

I nodded slowly and went

with it. “Well, I’m old school, so I
had no interest in seeing the three

newer ones they made. I’m a fan, I
saw the originals when I was
really young and I always thought
that I should be in a sandwich with
Han Solo and Luke.”

“Not the princess?”
“She can take her cinnamon

buns and stuff them.”

He laughed loudly at that one

and pulled the chair over to the
side of my bed. I fidgeted because
at this point I was starting to
believe that this man, Maverick
Cruise, was either my Mav, or
God’s way of apologizing for
taking the one thing I couldn’t live

without. He looked at my plate and
a frown formed.

“You’re still not eating?”
I pushed the tray closer to

him and pointed at the pretend
meat. He leaned over and sniffed
twice before getting up and placing
the tray in the garbage. I contained
a small laugh as he closed the lid
on the trash can.

“Well, we can’t have you

eating that muck. So? What else
would you like?”

I sat up in bed a little and

gave him my best capped teeth
grin. He had the most gorgeous

smile. Mav’s smile. The melt-into-
a-puddle smile.

“Caramel latte with a shot of

whipped cream,” I pouted. “It’s my
comfort drink.”

“It’s full of sugar.” He

narrowed his eyes at me. “How
about some tea?”

I shook my head no and

crossed my arms over my chest. I
know what I looked like, a kid who
was just told he had to eat all of his
broccoli or he wasn’t having
dessert.

“It’s that or nothin’!”
Dr. Cruise shook his head,

smiling. He crossed the room and
took his seat next to the bed again.
The way he looked at me, it was
almost like he was trying to figure
out where he’d seen me before.

“What?” I looked back at

him.

“It’s nothing.” He stood up

and gave me another one of the
puddle smiles. “I’ll be back in a
bit.”

I waited for the door to close

before I let out a sigh I hadn’t
realized I was holding. Dr. Cruise
was a ‘Star Wars’ fan? I looked up
at the ceiling with a raised

eyebrow.

“You trying to tell me

somethin’, Mav?”

~*MAVERICK*~

What was it about this

patient that had me all tied up in
knots? He looked so…broken. I
didn’t know how it felt to lose a
loved one. My parents died when I
was four and my grandmother died
when I was twenty. The weird
part? I don’t remember much about
it. In fact, I didn’t remember much
of my life. I’d been struck by
lightning a year ago and died.
Briefly. I always hated golf. Now I
really hated it. I woke up in the ER

and didn’t remember too much. I
remembered bits and pieces of my
life, some of high school and
playing football in college, and
medicine - for some odd reason I
remembered everything about
medicine. There was something
about Ronin Eastland that drew me
to him. More than once I found
myself fantasizing about kissing
him, holding him. I had no clue
what to say to Ronin’s parents
today. I’m gay, sure, but I don’t go
around broadcasting it with a
bullhorn. Although, I do have a tiny
rainbow flag in my car.

I looked at my desk and

sorted through the many files I had
put on hold. I just couldn’t stay
away from Ronin Eastland.

When I’d given him his

coffee, I swear he had an orgasm
face as he took a sip. Not that I’d
know what he looked like during
an orgasm, but my dick wanted to
find out. I leaned back in my chair
and sighed at the ceiling. Now I’m
dreaming about fucking a widower
who probably isn’t over his love.
Great. I’m an ass.

There’s just something so…

familiar about him. His smile, the

cute way his mouth drops open. I
wanted to see him outside of the
hospital. Which again put me
solidly in the ass column.

I might

as just well take up residency there
because I couldn’t shut my brain
off when it came to Ronin. Given
my obsession with him, I really
needed to take myself off his case.
But I couldn’t make myself trust
him to another doctor’s care; I had
to be sure he got better.

A soft knock on my door

pulled me out of my lustful thoughts
and I looked up to see one of the
nurses looking at me. I’d been here

for three months and they all still
looked at me as if I was a dildo
draped in chocolate and diamonds.
I sat there looking at her stupidly
because you could put jumper
cables to my balls and I still
wouldn’t be able to tell you what
her name was.

“Yes?” That’s safe.
She tilted her head at me and

pointed to her watch.

“Shift’s over, Doc.”
“It is?” I looked at my watch,

because, you know, it tells time
differently. Sure enough, my shift
had been over for forty-five

minutes. Where had the time gone?
I gathered up my papers and
grabbed my coat off the back of the
chair.

As I exited my office, my

body took me down the hall
without my brain’s knowledge. I
stood in front of Ronin Eastland’s
room. I knocked softly and heard
something that sounded like ‘come
in’. The room was dark as I pushed
the door open. One of the windows
was open just a bit, letting the
warm summer breeze in. Ronin
was sitting up in bed, looking out
the window. I stood, waiting for

him to say something. I had no idea
why I was there; I’d already
checked on him.

“I wanted to die,” Ronin said

quietly.

I walked closer to the bed

and sat on the end of it. I was going
to let him talk. He needed to.
Everyone wanted to help him, but
the one thing he needed was for
someone to just listen.

“I didn’t want to be here

anymore,” he continued. “I spent
twelve years of my life with
Maverick. I knew everything there
was to know about him. We met in

college and fell in love the same
day.”

I thought I’d heard him

wrong. Did he say Maverick? Oh
God, Ronin’s partner’s name was
Maverick? I felt the floor sliding
out from beneath me and I had the
urge to flail my arms. This was so
much worse than a patient
hero-worshiping me; this was a
seriously wounded man hanging
onto someone with the same name.
Fuck.

Any slim chance I’d ever had

just flew out the window. Ronin
turned to look at me just then and

my breath stopped in my throat. His
eyes were red-rimmed, but he had
a small smile.

“I freaked you out, didn’t I?”
I shook my head and took a

deep breath. “I didn’t know his
name. It must have been strange for
you.”

“When I first saw you, I

thought it was strange how much
you look like him.”

“Do you have a picture?”
Ronin opened the drawer

next to the bed and fished around
inside. He pulled a worn leather
wallet out and removed a picture. I

wasn’t sure if I wanted to see what
this Maverick looked like. I took
the picture from him carefully and
held it up to the light from outside.
It was like looking in a mirror.
Almost. This Maverick had the
same hair, same eyes, same smile.

“What did he do for a

living?” I asked, my hand shaking a
bit.

“He was a doctor,” Ronin

said quietly.

I felt my heart beating in my

ears. I had to get out of there and I
had to do it now. Except my feet
wouldn’t move and Ronin had

gotten much closer without me
realizing it.

“I…I should go,” I

stammered. I was ready to lose it
right there and then. I don’t know
why, but I felt as if everything I’d
known changed in those brief
seconds that I held that picture. I
couldn’t deny I felt close to Ronin.
I wanted him.

Ronin backed off a bit,

looking at me with sad eyes. I felt
my heart ache at his pain. The next
thing I knew, he was in my arms
and I was holding him as he cried
into my neck. I wanted to take care

of this man, hold him and make all
his pain go away. After a few
minutes he settled down in my arms
and I breathed in his hair. He
smelled like fresh soap. In that
second, I had a flash of something,
a vision of Ronin laughing. I eased
him out of my arms and backed off
the bed.

“You should get some rest.

I’ll be back in the morning.” I
turned to leave and felt a hand
slide into mine. My mind could see
Ronin on a bed, laughing, his eyes
full of love.

“I’m sorry if I upset you,” he

said behind me.

“You didn’t. Goodnight,

Ronin.”

I had to get out.
I left the room as quickly as I

could and ran down the hall. I
made it down the stairs and ran out
into the Arizona heat. Why had I
come here? Could I even remember
why I chose Arizona over all the
other states that I could have gone
to? There was a better job offer in
New York, so why was I here? I
leaned up against my car trying to
catch my breath. What the hell was
all that? I’d seen Ronin as if he

were beneath me, laughing and
caressing my cheek. Even now I
could still feel his skin on mine. I
took another deep, cleansing breath
and unlocked my car. Sliding into
the seat, I turned on the air and
looked at myself in the rearview
mirror. I’d always believed in
reincarnation; don’t ask me why, I
couldn’t tell you. Maybe it was my
way of having faith that if life shit
on you, you got another chance.

I stared at my reflection.

Ronin’s face came to my mind and
I smiled. He was so…beautiful.
Ronin Eastland was my fantasy

guy. Over the years I’d searched
for the Holy Grail man, but had
never gotten close. Ronin was my
Holy Grail. I realized I didn’t
know much about him, other than
the fact that he was slowly killing
himself. I got that, though. Once
you found love, you never wanted
to let it go, and when it left, part of
yourself went with it.

Where had that come from?
I tilted my head and looked

at my own eyes. I leaned back in
the seat and closed them. I had to
stay away from Ronin Eastland. I
just had to.

~*~

Yeah. That didn’t happen. I

saw him every day for almost two
weeks. Being his doctor made it
hard to avoid him. I still couldn’t
make myself pawn him off on
another doctor; somehow he
became mine and I wanted it to
stay that way. Ronin saw a
counselor every day as well. He
sat with a group of other people in
the same situation as his. I stood by
the door while some of the

meetings took place. Maverick
Holliday was one hell of a good
man. He’d worked at the same
hospital where I was currently
employed. Which was another
thing that made my head spin - is
that why all the nurses looked at
me that way?

I released him after three

weeks; he’d put some weight on
and his blood tests all came back
normal. Ronin continued to go to
the meetings at the hospital which
ensured that I kept seeing him. It
took every ounce of sanity I had to
stay away from him as often as I

could, but he’d seek me out and
we’d have lunch in the cafeteria.
As long as he was eating I was
good with it. My mind kept telling
me this was a bad idea. In fact it
screamed at me on more than one
occasion. I had no idea why I
allowed myself to ignore it.

Well, that’s not true.
My dick has veto powers.
Today I was making my

usual rounds when I saw Ronin
leaving one of the bereavement
meetings. He was smiling and
talking to a red-haired woman. I
tried to turn around and walk down

the opposite hall but I heard him
call my name.

Shit.
I stopped in the middle of the

hallway and closed my eyes.
Ronin’s face popped in there and I
saw him smiling at me over his
shoulder. His lips were moving but
I couldn’t hear what he was saying.
All I heard was white noise. My
pulse skyrocketed as a hand
slipped into mine. I kept telling
myself to breathe, but somehow I
couldn’t force air into my lungs.

“Dr. Cruise? Are you all

right?” Ronin asked me.

I opened my eyes to see him

standing next to me. His hand was
in mine and our fingers had
entwined. I removed my hand
slowly and kept my eyes on his. I
had this flash, like forwarding
through a movie at high speed.
Ronin laughing, Ronin with his
hands on his hips with the most
angelic look on his face, Ronin
writhing in pleasure. Ronin, Ronin,
Ronin. I felt my legs go out; the
intensity of what I was seeing
taking my breath away.

“Whoa, hey there, Doc.”
Ronin took my arm,

steadying me.

“Are you okay? Do you need

some water?” Ronin asked.

I shook my head and tried to

form words. By now I was totally
freaking out. I mean, like, scream
and run from the building flailing
my arms like one of those wavy,
inflatable tube thingies they have a
car sales lots. Ronin’s brows
furrowed and he let go of his grip
on me, stepping back.

“It’s me, isn’t it?” he asked.
I took a deep breath and

settled my screaming nerves. Every
inch of me wanted Ronin Eastland.

It was the craziest thing I’ve ever
felt. I felt like I’d known him my
whole life.

“I’m just…” What was I

supposed to say? Hey, Ronin, I
keep seeing you during sex, but I’m
like above you suspended in
midair? Uh huh, who needs the
shrink? “I need food.”

I know. I’m a chicken shit.
“Oh,”
He nodded and smiled at me.

I stood there staring. Hello, my
name is pathetic and how can I
help you today? Ronin shifted from
one foot to the other and smiled at

me shyly. God, I loved his face…

“How about I take you out?”

he suggested.

Shit. And uh oh.
“Um,” I scrambled to come

up with something to say.

“Just coffee? That’s safe,

right?”

He gave me this look that I’m

sure would make grown men sink
to their knees and worship him. I
wanted to.

“Coffee?” I twitched my

nose. Not a big fan of coffee.

“How about chamomile tea?

That sound good?”

I knew my mouth had

dropped open. Of all the teas, he
picked chamomile?

“I know a great place right

down the street; they even have
honey for their teas,” Ronin
continued.

I licked my suddenly dry lips

and my throat became dry as the
Sahara. Ronin was eyeing me
warily. He smiled suddenly and my
pulse went haywire.

“So, you can’t talk, therefore,

you have to come with me,” he
grinned.

Ronin grabbed my hand and

pulled me.

And I went. I had no clue as

to why I was suddenly unable to
speak for myself. We passed a few
people on our way, most of them
raising their eyebrows as Ronin
dragged me down the street. We
made it to the coffee shop and
Ronin sat me down while he went
to get me tea. I sat there
dumbstruck. I had no idea why I
was seeing the things I was seeing
and feeling the things I was feeling.
It was crazy. Ronin came back with
two mugs and placed one in front
of me.

“See? Chamomile. I brought

you some honey, too.”

I opened my mouth but Ronin

put his hand up to stop me.

“Please, don’t argue. I

wanted to get you alone and this
was the best way to do it. I know
you’re avoiding me every chance
you get and I kinda get that. I
freaked you out talking about Mav
and stuff. I need to get out there
again, though, and I’m comfortable
with you. So maybe we could just
go out and see how it goes?”

I sat there like an idiot. That

was nothing new at this point. But

Ronin continued speaking so I let
him.

“I don’t want to freak you out

but I haven’t been interested in any
man for a year. I find you attractive
and I’d like to see if we could have
something together.”

“It’s because I look like him,

right?” I blurted. Wow, so smooth.

Ronin sighed and looked

back at me, sadness in his eyes.
Lord, this man could push all my
buttons.

“I won’t lie, there is a

resemblance.”

I snorted. I seemed to be

doing that a lot.

“I know. A big one,” he said,

looking at me shyly.

God, I knew I would regret

this.

“Okay,” I said.

~*RONIN*~

Two weeks. That’s how long

I’d been working on Doctor Hottie.
I finally found myself wanting to be
kissed, held, and touched. Dr.
Cruise, on the other hand, acted
like I had the plague. Or something
worse. My big plan was to make
him dinner at my house and then
seduce him. That was plan A - last
week. It didn’t happen. So now it
was Christmas Eve and I was

expecting my house call in five
minutes. I can’t even begin to
explain the amount of touching and
feeling and kissing I needed. I felt
alive with Maverick Cruise.

Okay, yeah, he looked like

Mav, sounded like Mav, but it
didn’t make him Mav. No one
would ever be Mav. I checked the
clock for the fiftieth time and then
checked on dinner. I opened the
stove and to my horror found a
black turkey in my oven. I looked
at the temperature and sighed
loudly. I had it on broil instead of
bake. I let out a loud expletive and

shut the oven off. It was at that
moment that my doorbell rang. I
fanned the air because in my lustful
thoughts I hadn’t realized my house
was filling with smoke.

I checked my hair in the hall

mirror, and then looked at my ass.
Yep, still there. Making my way to
the front door, I heard the smoke
alarms going off. I swung the front
door open and stared at Maverick
Cruise. He was wearing jeans and
a football jersey. Granted it wasn’t
a U of A one, but it was a
Cardinals jersey.

“Did you play football?” I

asked. Doctor Hot-as-Hell-
in-Jeans smiled at me.

“I did actually. I know. The

nerd played football.” He rolled
his eyes and I almost passed out.
Dr. Cruise tilted his head.

“Is your house on fire?” he

asked.

“No, but the turkey is dead.”
“I hope so, I hate trying to eat

them when they’re running.”

I blinked and then laughed.

“Come in. I burned dinner, so we
are going out.”

After opening all the

windows and airing the house out,

we loaded into my car and left in
search of a place to eat. After
driving around for fifteen minutes, I
heard a stomach’s loud growl. I
smiled over at Dr. Cruise in the
passenger seat.

“What do you want? We’ll

just get it to go?”

“How about Mickie D’s?” he

said.

“Sounds good.”
We pulled in the drive thru at

McDonald’s and placed our
orders. I noticed that Dr. Cruise
asked for two cheeseburgers, no
pickles. I contained myself until we

got out on the road. Doctor Cruise
mumbled under his breath and I
cocked an eyebrow.

“What is it?”
“They fuck you at the drive

thru.”

I almost slammed on the

brakes as the first pickle flew out
my car window. As it was, I pulled
over on the side of the road until I
could breathe normally again.

“What is it? Are you all

right?” he asked, somewhat
panicked.

Dr. Cruise pulled me

towards him. My mouth opened

and all I saw was Mav. Dr. Cruise
looked at my lips and then I was
against the car door, just as I had
been so many years ago. Ketchup
and onions invaded my taste buds
as the good doctor devoured my
mouth. I felt my dick stirring after a
year of hibernation. Just as before,
I placed my hand on his cheek as
things got hot and heavy. Dr.
Cruise backed away from me
slowly, breathing hard.

“My house?” I asked.
He nodded slowly.
I swore I was going to get a

ticket. I hadn’t had sex in a year

and I had just gotten kissed and felt
up by a hot doctor. I swore Mav
had sent him to me. A gift of sorts I
suppose. The front door slammed
open and bounced off the wall
behind it, shutting it with a slam. I
was all over Dr. McHottie. Clothes
flew off of us both and I was
hopping down the hallway
removing my shoes while I dragged
him by the lips attached to mine.
We hit the bed with him on top of
me. I wrapped my legs around his
slim hips as he kissed me into a
passionate frenzy.

“Oh God, fuck me, please,” I

moaned into his mouth.

We rolled around on the bed

and I told the good - damn good -
kisser doc where to find my
supplies. We were skin to skin, my
hands roaming all over his toned
body. Fingers slid up inside me
and I arched into it, begging for
more. I couldn’t get enough of his
lips, his hands, his everything. Doc
had a good rub going on in my ass
as he fisted my cock slowly while
fucking my mouth with his tongue at
the same time. Lord the man knew
how to multitask. I was in awe and
he hadn’t even put that glorious

cock to use yet. Dr. Cruise shifted
his body weight and I heard the
wrapper of a condom open. Lube
hit my hole and then pain sliced
through me as the good doc slid
inside.

My breath left me in a gasp

and his forehead settled on mine.
Maverick’s breath tickled my
lashes as we both tried to adjust.
The heat slid up as my spine as
Maverick’s dick slid inside me,
filling me to the hilt. I wrapped my
hands in his hair and kissed him.
We moved slowly, my eyes burned
and I couldn’t breathe. I knew this

man, I know I did. Lips were on
mine and then they moved to my
eyes. Soft kisses rained down my
cheek. Maverick stopped and my
eyes flew open to see his eyes
looking right into mine. Everything
stopped. I could hear everything
outside and then I heard nothing but
our breaths leaving our bodies.

“Roo?” he whispered.
“Mav?” My legs shook and

my heart pounded in my chest.

“Oh God, Roo!”
I cried. I couldn’t do

anything else but hold onto the man
above me as we made love. I knew

this body, these lips, the feel of the
only man I’d ever love making love
to me. It was my Maverick
Holliday. My Mav.

“I love you, I love you so

much, Roo! I found you again, oh
God, I found you!”

Maverick cried on top of me.
I cried under him.
We held each other as

Maverick moved inside me. I knew
this man. Every inch of this man. I
couldn’t stop crying. Maverick
whispered my name over and over
again as he made love to me. It was
everything I had wanted for a year.

My Mav. My orgasm hit me and I
cried out, my fingers sinking into
Mav’s ass as I shuddered beneath
him. Maverick came with a loud
roar and collapsed on top of me.
Arms wrapped around me tightly. I
didn’t want to speak for fear of it
all being a dream and then Mav
broke the silence.

“Roo?”
Maverick lifted his head and

looked into my eyes. I’ve always
heard the eyes are the window to
the soul. I believe that now.

“It is you, isn’t it?” I

whispered. “How? When?”

Maverick gave me his slow,

lopsided smile and I almost cried
again. He palmed my face and
kissed my nose.

“Let’s just say someone

upstairs made a mistake.”

“Is this real? I couldn’t take

it if it was a dream.”

“Why don’t we get up, we’ll

get your caramel latte with a shot
of whipped cream and I’ll have my
chamomile and I’ll fill you in.”

Mav slid out of me slowly

and I felt the loss right away. He
was up and getting dressed when a
thought occurred to me.

“Mav?”
“Yes, Roo?”
“How long are you here

for?”

Maverick turned to look at

me with his grin.

“Forever, Roo. Forever.”

~*MAVERICK*~

My memory hit me right in

the middle of making love to Roo. I
wasn’t surprised in the least. We
were connected on so many levels,
but in bed, we were one. I spent the
night explaining what I
remembered to him. Even now, it
seems beyond strange. We took a
of couple days to ourselves, just
lounging around and making love.
We decorated the Christmas tree.
The one we had bought our very
first year together as a couple. It

looked like something out of ‘A
Charlie Brown Christmas’ after
twelve years. As did the ‘Winnie
the Pooh’ ornaments. The first year
we’d bought them, Ronin had made
the crack that the ornaments all
looked real happy; I had asked
why and Ronin gave me that
seductive grin.

“They light up, right?”
I looked closely at the

ornaments. “Yes, they do. So?”

“Look where the light has to

go for them to light up.”

Ronin winked at me.
“Don’t you think it’s kind of

odd that the lights go up their ass?”
he chuckled.

I think I inhaled some eggnog

that night.

Ronin believed that I was

me, but that didn’t mean he didn’t
test me. I passed, of course. I know
exactly who I am and who I was
meant to be with.

My parents on the other hand

were harder to convince. I look
like Maverick Holliday to an
extent; I had to give Gabriel props
for that. After hours of answering
childhood questions, my mother

broke down and cried. My dad
patted my back and hugged me.
Ronin’s parents sat looking at me
for a few minutes. I don’t know if
they thought I was a mirage or a
psychopath, but between Ronin and
me, we finally convinced them that
I was real. And I was back.

We left the truth between just

us and our parents. I really didn’t
feel the need to broadcast to the
hospital that I was Maverick
Holliday and had been given a
second chance with the love of my
life.

Yeah, I’m not good with

padded rooms and strait jackets.

I moved back into the house I

had shared with Ronin and we treat
every day as if it’s our last. We
still fight, but we never go to bed
angry with each other. We make
love every chance we get, in every
available place. Yes, I am
waggling my eyebrows as I tell you
that.

I looked into the eyes of the

man I loved and slid the band on
his ring finger. Ronin’s eyes were
tearing up as I said my vows. We
came to California to get married,

and our official? A blond-haired
twink named Gabriel. I got my
second time around and I don’t
plan on wasting one more second.

~The End~