OffLimits,

FakingIt#1

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OffLimits,

FakingIt#1

Firstpublished,January2017

Allrightsreserved.©

CoverphotolicensedfromShutterstockInc.

EditedbyAleeshaDavis

Disclaimer

Thisbookisaworkoffiction.Allnames,characters,placesandincidentseitherareproductsofthe

author’simaginationorareusedfictitiously.Anyresemblancetoevents,locales,orpersons,livingor

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Dedication

ThisbookisforthegirlsofChloe'sClovers.

AsI'mwritingthisdedication,thereis649members,andthisisforyouguys;forOfa,Casey,Charissa,

Natalie,Aleesha,Lorrie,Cassie,Kim,Bianca,Mary,Makayla,Linnea,Sushma,Jen,Jolene,Nicole,

Carol,Tara,Liz,Toni,Kayla,Amanda,Pam,Krystle,Lynn,Allie,Amy,Alycia,Danielle,Rebecca,

Kieshia,Chelsea,Stephie,Angie,Kathy,Shauneen,Kez,Beverly,Neave,Megan,Gemma,Jenna,Paula,

Shannon,Glenda,Charlotte,Kirsty,Courtney,Shannel,Shannon,Tracy,Natalie,Tracey,Zoe,Karen,

Monica,Tanya,Angelica,Nikki,Nickie,Deanna,Paula,Gemma,Sandy,Caroline,Amber,Sam,Stacey,

Jennifer,Laura,Emma,Claire,HeatherAnne,Sarah,Julie,Wendy,Tanya,Karen,Justine,Debbie,Kathy,

Cathy,Melissa,Nicola,Zara,Lillie,Diane,Nita,Laura,Colleen,Lisa,Tor,Donna,Wendy,Polly,Tina,

Trisha,Csenge,Zoe,Shannon,Kaylan,Kerry,Kash,Corrinne,Jade,Kerrie,Ridwana,Hayley,Rachael,

Rachel,Melissa,Rhiannon,Anne-Marie,Jacqui,Jazmin,Philippa,Heidi,Stefanie,Zunaira,Aishling,

Tammy,Jessica,Michelle,Kellyy,Yvonne,Kailyn,Renee,AmyandCarmen.IwishIcouldlistevery

singleoneofyournames,butIwouldbehereforeverandthatwoulddelaythisbookforyouguys.Just

knowthatyouallmeantheworldtome.Imeanthat.Ivalueeachandeveryoneofyouladies,morethan

you'lleverknow.You'vebecomemyfriends,myallies,mytherapistsandmyconfidantes.Thisbookis

foryouguys!!

Iloveyouallandcouldn’tdothiswithoutyouguys.

Cloxx

Author'sNote:

OffLimitsisthefirstbookinanewseriesI'mworkingoncalledtheFakingItseries.

I'mreallyexcitedaboutthesebunchofnewcharacters,guys,andIreallyhopeyouwillenjoytheir

twistedlittleworld.

LotsofLove,

Chloexx

ChapterOne

Andi

Iwasusedtobeinginvisible.

Atschool,thecheerleadersandgirlsfromthepopularcliquescommandedeveryone'sattention.

Inmyfamily,Jacksonwasthegoldenchild.IwasprettysureDaddidn’tlikeeitherofus,butMom

definitelyhadasoftspotforJackson.Forwhatlittleamountoftimeourparentsspentathomewithus,

Momharpedonaboutmybrotherlikehehungthemoon.

Jacksonwas,asmymotherlikedtocallhim,anall-rounder.Hewasoneofthe'popular'kidsat

school;thestarrunningbackofthevarsityfootballteam,leadsingerinhisbandAlternativeKiss–and

eventhoughIwasn’tmuchofarockermyself,Ihadtoadmitthatmybrother'sbandwereelectric.

Heck,theyweremorethanelectric–theyweremagnetizing.

AndJacksondidallthatwhilemaintaininga3.5GPA.

Douchebag.

Hecouldn'tleavetheacademiasidetome.

No,Jacksonhadtohavebrainsaswellasbrawnandcharisma.

Iwasn'tthesocialbutterflymybrotherwas.

Infact,Iwasquitetheopposite.

Iseemedtoslip-slidethroughmylife,awkwardanduncomfortableinmyownskin.

AdrianaDavis;bookwormpersonified,inhalinguptothreebooksperday.

Evenso,contentwithmybooks,mymusic,andthehandfulofgenuinefriends–onefriend–Ihad

amassedovertheyears,IacceptedmyroleasJacksonDavis'sbabysister.

Besides,IknewwhoIwasandIdidn'tneedanybody'svalidation,andmostofthetimebeinginvisible

didn'tbotherme.

Iknewmybrotherlovedme,andevenifourparentsdidn’ttakenotice,Jacksonalwaysmademefeel

likeIwasawantedandvaluedmemberofourfamily.

Butonceeverysooften,liketonight,whenmybrotherandhisfriendsusedourhouseasafreaking

lovepad,irrespectiveofmypresence,beinginvisibledrovemecrazy.

ItpissedmethehelloffactuallythatIhadtohideinmyowndamnhousewhileJacksonandhis

buddiesentertainedtheircatchoftheday.

Andtonightwasnodifferenttoanyothernight.

Aswasthenorm,bothofmyparentswerenoticeablyabsent,andJacksonwastakingfulladvantageof

ourparentlesshouse.

LeaningmybackagainstthebarstoolIwassittingon,Iproppedmyfeetagainstthecoolmarble

countertopofourkitchenislandandadjustedmyglassesonmynoseasIattemptedtoignorethesoundof

gigglingandcooingcomingfromtheoutdoorhottuboutback.

Eventhoughwewerestartingbackatschooltomorrowaftersummervacay,Jacksonhadinvitedhalf

ofhisclassovertogetsmashedinourbackyard.Someoneoutbackwasplayinganacousticversionof

EveryAvenue'sOnlyPlaceICallHomeonaguitar,andIcouldhearmybrotherbeltingoutthelyricsof

thesonglikeapro.

Hummingalong,IflickedthroughanotherpageofthebookIwascurrentlyreadingonmyKindle,

desperatetodistractmyself.

ThestoryIwastryingtofallintowasafavoritere-readofminebytheamazinglytalentedDanielle

Taylor–aguaranteedpageturner…exceptIcouldn'tgetintoittonight.

MyvisionkeptblurringandIwasonlygivingthebookthirtypercentofmyattention.

Shakingmyhead,Iblinkedafewtimesbeforerefocusingonthescreen.

"Canwegosomewheremoreprivate?"AfemalevoicecalledoutoverthemusicandIshuddered

beforeflushinganunflatteringshadeofred.

AdropletofsweattrickleddownmychestandIpulledatmynightgownabsentmindedly,feeling

overheated.

Thiswasgettingtoomuchforme.

EversinceIturnedseventeenbackinApril,Iwasgrowingmoreandmoreagitatedwithmylovelife

–orlackof.

Itwasn'tasifIwantedtogooutandscrewsomerandomguy,butgoingoutonadatewouldbenice.

Hell,evenakisswouldbeprettydamngreat,butasidefrombeingaClassAnerd,beingJacksonDavis's

sistermeantIwasofflimitstoeveryguyatschool.AndbeingCliveDavis'sdaughtermeantIwasoff

limitstoeveryboyinthestate.MyfatherhadrulesformeandJackson.

ApparentlyitwasabsolutelyfineforJacksontoscrewanythingwithapulse,butIwasn'tallowedto

goonasingledate.No,Ihadareputationtomaintain.

Once,infreshmanyear,ClayThomasaskedmeout.JacksonandhisbestfriendNathanterrorizedhim

sobadlyhecancelledourdateandignoredmefortheremainderoftheschoolyear.

Myfather'sreignofnarcissisticsexismandthreatofimpendingpunishmenthadalottodowithwhyI

wascurrentlysittinginsidewhilemybrotherwaspartyingoutback.That,andthefactthatIwassocially

awkwardanddidn’texactlyfitin.

"Jackson,please,"anotheronesquealedinafake,highpitchedmewlingvoiceandIcouldn'ttake

anothermomentofit.

Admittingdefeat,IplacedmyKindledownonthemarblecountertop,closedmyeyesandbitbacka

heavysigh.

Slidingmyfeetoffthecounter,Ihoppeddownoffthestoolandgrabbedthecountertopwhenaboutof

dizzinessengulfedme.

Inhalingafewslowbreaths,IsteadiedmyselfandretrievedmyKindle,bracedforaquickand

painlessgetawayfromthedebaucheryhappeninginmybackgarden.

Imadeittothefarcornerofthekitchenwhenthesoundofaslidingpatiodoorslammingfilledmy

ears,followedbythesoundofsomeoneclearinghisthroat.

"Whatareyoudoingdownhere?"thedeepfamiliarvoiceaskedinatoneofannoyance.Myentire

bodyignitedinahotflush."Spyingonusagain?"

Clenchingmyeyesshut,Istifledamoanandfoughtbackthetsunamiofbutterfliesattackingmy

stomach."Ilivehere,remember?"Imanagedtosqueezeout.

Turningslowly,IopenedmyeyesandletoutastrangledsighwhenIlockedeyesontheboywhohad

playedanequalleadingroleineverydreamandnightmareI'dhadsincechildhood.

NathanCole,leadguitaristinAlternativeKissandmybrother'sbestfriendsincekindergarten,stood

inmykitchenlookinglikeafreakingswimwearmodel.

Ateighteenyearsold,Nathanwasalreadyclockinginat6'2"coveredintattoosandsmearedin

anothergirl'slipstick.Hisshaggy,blackhairwasdrenchedandfallingoverhisbrowinadeliciously

disheveledway.Hisbrowneyeswerenarrowedinconfusionashetookinmyappearance.

"Sorrytodisappointyou,butIhavebetterthingstodowithmytimethanspyonyouandmybrother,"I

added,lettingoutabreathIhadn'trealizedI'dbeenholdingasIplayedwiththehemofmynightgown.

"I'msureyouhave,"heshotbacktauntingly,droppinghishandstohisnarrowwaist."Mustbehard

choosingwhichoneofDaddy'screditcardstouseforyouronlineshoppingspree."Hetiltedhischin,

eyeslockedonmyKindle,andsmirkedcruelly."Poorlittleprincess."

"It'saKindle,"Icorrectedhimangrily,clenchingtheleathercoverwithtremblingfingers.

Itwasn'tmyfaultIwasbornintowealth,butNathantriedhisdamnedhardesttomakemefeellikeit

was.

Foryears,Ihadsufferedatthehandsofmybrother'sbestfriend.Hehadanopiniononeverything.

WhatIwore.WhereIwent.WhoIhungoutwith.HeshookhisheadindisgustateverydecisionIhad

madesinceIwasthirteen.Inmydreams,inthecorridorsofmyschool,andnowinthekitchenofmy

home.Icouldn'tescapehim.

IknewIshouldhatehim.

Hewasmean,andcruel,andsometimesIreallydidhatehim,buthewasstill…Nathan.

Hewasstillthesameboywhohadshownkindnesstoatimidlittlegirl.

HewasstilltheboywhohadtakenmehomewhenJacksonforgotmeattheballparkwhenIwas

seven.

Hewasstilltheboywhotookabeatingoffhismommabecausehe'dtakentheblamewhenIbrokethe

windowofhistrailerwithabaseball.

Hewasstillthesameboymymothertookinonnumerousoccasionsovertheyearswhenhislatest

step-daddygotalittletooheavyhandedwithhismother–andwithhim.

IguessitwassafetosaythatIharboredsomeprettystrongfeelingsformybrother'sbestfriendwhenI

wasyounger.

Mylife,fromtheageoffourtothirteen,hadbeenconsumedbyhim.Ihadtobenearhim.Ifollowed

himaroundconstantly,andwhenIwasnearhim,Ihadtogetcloser.

Hewaswild,unattainable,andunliketheotherboysatschool–unlikeanyoneI'deverknown.

Nathanhadnevercaredwhatpeoplethoughtabouthim.Infact,heneverseemedtocareaboutanything

atall,andIhadbeendrawntohimlikeabeetohoney.

Butinhiseyes,IwasJackson'slittlesister;aclingonhetoleratedthroughouthischildhoodoutof

sympathy.

AndwhenIhitthirteen,Ibecameanuisancetohim.Onehedidn'tneedtopretendtolikeanymore,or

eventolerate.

Backthen,Nathanwasmyhero.

Now,hewasmytormentor.

"AndIhavemyownmoney,Nate,"Imadeapointofsaying."Idon'tneedmyfather'screditcards."

Ihatedthatheaccusedmeofbeingsomebrainlessgirl,contenttospendmyfather'smoney.

Thatwasn'tme,thathadneverbeenme,andithurtmewhenhethrewdirtinmyface.

Nathancockedabrowandshruggednonchalantly."Whatever.Isn'titpastyourbedtime?"

"I'mseventeen,notseven,"Ishotback,unabletohidemyfrustration.Iwasabouttostartjunioryearat

SpringHillhigh.HeandJacksonweregoingtobeseniors.Therewasbarelyayearbetweenus."Butyou

maywanttoremindJacksonaboutbedtimesandcurfews,"Iaddedcattily,tiltingmyheadinthedirection

ofthekitchenwindow.

Nathan'sgazefollowedmine,landingonthetwohalfnakedgirlsinouryard."Incaseithasn'tcrossed

hisoryourattention,ShellyWintersissixteen."

Nathangrinnedatmyremark,revealingtwodimplesinhischeeks,beforesaunteringtowardsme.

Myhearthammeredinmychest,mystomachflipped,andallthewhileIremainedmotionless,

watchingwithwideeyesasmybrother'sbestfriendmovedcloser.

ItriedtolookunaffectedbyhispresenceandIfailedmiserably.

Icouldn'thelpit.

IwasaterribleliarandNathanColeaffectedmelikenooneelseeverhad.

IknewIwasnevergoingtobeonNathan'sradar.Hedidn’tdategirlslikeme.Girlswhokepttheir

nosesstuckinsidethepagesofthelatestromancethriller,orvolunteeredatkidsummercamps.No,his

tastesweremoreselective,sluttier…moreDallasHolloway.

"AdrianaDavishasabackbone."Thewayhecalledmebymyfullname,andthewayitcurledonhis

tonguecausedmybreathtocatchinmythroat.

Hislipscurledintoadevilishsmile.That'you'regoingtowantmesobad'lookthatmadethegirlsat

schoolmeltintoapuddleofmushathisfeetwasetchedonhisbeautifulface.

Dropletsofwatertrickleddownhistoned,hardchest,andIhadtoadvertmyeyesfromthedarktrail

ofhairdisappearingunderthewaistbandofhisblackswimmingshorts."Whowould'vethought,huh?"

"Notme,"Imuttered,flustered,notfeelinglikeIhadabackbone.

Nathansteppedcloserandtheairdeflatedfrommylungs.

Inthatmoment,andwithNathansoclose,Ididn'tfeellikeIhadasingleboneinmybody.

Everythinginsideofmeseemedtosoftenandsway.

"You'reshaking,"Nathanstated,histonesuddenlyserious,drawingmeoutofmyreverie.

Hewasright.

Iwasshaking.

"Areyousick?"hedemanded,appalled,ashetoweredovermenow,invadingmypersonalspaceand

wreakinghavoconmynerves.

IopenedmymouthtorespondwhenNathanreachedforwardandplacedalarge,warmhandonmy

shoulder.

"Andi,you'refuckingtremblingallover,"heannouncedwithamixtureofconfusionandconcerninhis

eyesashesearchedmyfaceforsomethingIwasn'tsurehewouldfind.

Itwasatthatexactmomentmygraspingreflexdecidedtoabandonme.

IfeltmyKindleslipfrommyshakinghandsecondsbeforeitlandedonthefloor,clatteringloudly

againstthetiles.

"Dammit,"Imuttered,droppingtomykneestoretrieveit.

RegretandbitterdisappointmentchurnedinsideofmewhenIturneditinmyhandsandnoticedthe

crackedscreen.Imovedtostand,butthegroundcameuptomeetme.

Whoa…

Shakingmyheadoncemore,Iplacedonehandonthefloorandtriedtostandup.

Ifailed.

Crouchingdowninfrontofme,Nathanreachedforwardhishandandtippedmychinupwardswithhis

thumb.Instantly,Iwaslookingintohisdangerouseyes.

"You'reburningup."Adeepfrownappearedonhisforeheadashestudiedme.Hisfingersremained

onmychin."Haveyoutakenyourinsulin?"

ShamecreptthroughmeandIshookmyheadslowly."Iforgot."

Itwasalameexcuse,butitwasthetruth.

Ihadgenuinelyforgottentotakemyinsulintonight.

"Goddammittohell,Andi!"Nathanletoutastringofmutteredcursewords."Howmanyfuckingtimes

doyouneedtobetold?"

Jerkingtohisfeet,Nathancaughtmeundermyarmsandpulledmetomyfeetinoneswiftmovement.

"Yourdiabetesisn'tagame,youknow,"headdedasheliftedmeintohisarmsbeforecarryingme

upstairstomyroom.

Nathanslungmedownonmybed,andIwatchedthroughhoodedeyesasherummagedaroundinmy

topdresserdrawerforabriefmomentbeforepullingoutmyinsulinpen.

"Whendidyoulasteat?"Itwasn'taquestion,itwasanaccusation,oneIchosenottorespondto."Do

youwanttogobacktothepump?"Hisvoicewashardbuthishandsweregentlewhenhepushedmeonto

myback."Becausethat'swhatwillhappenifyoudon'tkeepyourselfregulated."

Nathandidn'tneedtolecturemeonthedangersofdiabetes.IhadbeenlivingwithtypeonesinceI

wasachild.Itsucked,Ihatedit,andofcourseIdidn'twanttogobackonthepump.

"Iscrewedup,"Iwhispered,feelingdrunkandwoozy."Stopbeingmadatme."

Slippinghishandundermynightgown,Nathantuggeditupwards,exposingmypanties,andifIwasn't

alreadydizzy,thethoughtofNathantouchingmeinareasnootherboyhadtouchedwouldhavecertainly

donethejob.

"Staystill,"hewarned.

Ifelthishandgentlytouchmystomachandthenasharppinchasheinjectedmewithmypen.

"AndI'mnotmadatyou."Hislefthandwasclampedonmybarehip,ashetrailedhisfingersovermy

stomach."I'mworried,"headdedafteralongpause.

"You'realwaysmadatme,"Itoldhimwhentheroomstoppedspinning.

Feelingalittlebetter,Isheepishlypulledmyselfintoasittingpositionbeforereadjustingmy

nightgown.

"MaybeIamalwaysmadatyou,"herepliedinathoughtfultone,eyescastdownwardstowardsthe

floor,shouldersstiffened."Butonlybecauseyoudeserveit."

"WhydoIdeserveit?"Icroakedout.

Sighingheavily,Nathanjerkedtohisfeetandstalkedovertomydresser."Becauseofnightslike

tonight,"heaccused,droppingmyinsulinpenintothedrawer."You'rerecklessandcarelessandgoddamn

selfish."

Nathanremovedmyemergencycartonofjuicefrommynightstand.Stabbingthestrawthroughthe

intendedholeofthejuicecarton,hehandedittome."I'mnotyourkeeper,Andi.Iwon'talwaysbearound

totakecareofyou."

"Yousaythatlikeyou'realwaystakingcareofme,"Icounteredchildishly.Nathancockedabrowasif

hedaredmetotellhimotherwise.

Unfortunately,Icouldn't.

Somehow,wheneverIwasintrouble,hewasalwaystheonetocometomyrescue.Nathanhad

unintentionallytakenontheroleofco-parentingmewithJacksonwhenourparentscheckedoutonus.

"Areyougoingsomewhere?"Iaskedthen,feelingatrickleofuneaserundownmyspine.

He'ssobeautiful…

Iknewthatwasawordusuallyreservedtodescribeawoman,buteverytimeIlookedatNathanCole,

thewordbeautifulalwayssprangtomind.

"I'vegotonemoreyearinthisshithole,"heshotback,jawclenched."Youcanbedammedsurethe

minuteI'mhandedthathighschooldiploma,I'llbeonthefirstbusoutofhere."

"Oh."Painspearedme.ThethoughtofNathannotbeingaroundhurtmemorethanIwantedtothink

about."Ididn’trealizeyouwereleavingSpringhill."

"WhatdidyouthinkIwoulddo,Andi?"hesneered."Stayhereandworkinadeadendjobfortherest

ofmylife?"Heshookhishead."No,girl.I'mgettingthehelloutofthistownbeforeittakesmedownlike

my–whileIstillcan."

Likehismomma.That'swhathewasgoingtosay.

Nathan'smotherhadarealbadproblemwithalcohol.ForasfarbackasIcouldremember,Becky

Colehadbeenahotmess.Askids,BeckywouldforgettopickNateupfromschool.Sheneverpaidthe

busfeeforhimandninetimesoutoften,shesentNatetoschoolwithoutmoneyforahotlunch.

Nate'soldersisterKimhadpickedupalotoftheslackbackthenandhadtakengoodcareofhim,but

theirmommakickedheroutoftheirtrailerwhenshegotpregnantatsixteen.Shemovedacrosstownwith

thefatherofherbaby,Trey,andtheywerestilltogethertothisdayandtheproudparentsofnine-year-old

Callie.Natehadbeennineatthetime,andafterKimlefthe'dbeenprettymuchlefttohisowndevices.It

mademesadbecausewhenBeckywassobershewasarealniceperson.Problemwas,shecouldn’tstay

sober–andhadn'tbeenforaverylongtimenow.

"Idon’tknow,"Iadmittedhonestly,drawingmyselfbacktothepresent."Ijustneverthoughtyou'd

leave."

"Don’tlooksosadaboutit,"Nateshotback,confusionevidentinhisbrowneyes."I'msureyou'llbe

thrilledwhenmeandJacksonareoutofyourhair."

"Jackson?"Ibalked."He'sgoingtoo?"

"Well,yeah…"Nate'sbrowsfurrowed.Exhalingaheavysigh,hesankdownontheedgeofmybed.

"Youknowthere'snothinginthistownforus."

Ididn’twanttoagreewithNathan,butIknewhewasright.

SpringHillhadawayofchokingthelifeoutofitsresidentsandkillingtheirdreams.

"MyfatherisexpectingJacksontogotocollege,"Iwhispered,unabletotakemyeyesoffhisface.

"Hewon'tallowJacksontotakeoffonaroadtrip."

Natelaughedhumorlesslyandtherewasabitetohistonewhenhesaid,"Yourfathercan'tcontrol

Jackolikehecontrolsyou."Sniffing,Natetwistedhisheadfromsidetoside."I'dliketoseehimtryand

fuckingstophim…"

"Idon’twantyoutogo,Nate,"Iblurtedoutthen."OrJacksoneither."

"Andi…"

"No,Nate.Imeanit,"Iinterrupted,shufflingontomyknees."Idon’twantyouguystogoanywhere

nextyear."Idon’twantyoutogoanywhere…"Can'tyouguysjust…Idon’tknow,waitaroundforayear

untilIgraduateandtakemewithyou?"Reachingoutmyhand,Iplaceditonhisshoulder."Idon’twantto

beleftbehindwiththem."ThethoughtofbeingleftinSpringHillwithmyparentsmademefeel

physicallysicktomystomach.

"Ican't…"Hiswordsbrokeoffandhepinchedthebridgeofhisnose."It'snotuptome,Andi.You

knowthat."Jerkingoffmybed,Nathanstalkedtowardsmybedroomdoor."Lookdon’tworryaboutitfor

now.I'll…ah…I'llseeyouatschooltomorrow."Havingsaidthat,hestalkedoutofmybedroomwithout

abackwardsglance,leavingthedoorwideopenbehindhim.

Afewminuteslater,thesoundofaguitarbeingstrummedoutsidefilledthesilenceofmybedroomand

Ifloppedbackonmypillowandsighed.

ThatnightIdreamtabouttheoldNathan–theboywhowouldneverleavemehereonmyown.

****

ChapterTwo

"WoulditbeahorrendousbreachofgirlcodetogetwithyourbrotheratDJ'spre-homecomingparty

theFridayafternext?"Mybestfriend,IvyDupree,askedinajokingtoneaswewaitedforsaidbrother

afterlastperiodthefollowingafternoon;thoughIknewshewasonehundredpercentserious.Wehadjust

completedourveryfirstdayasjuniorsandIwasfindingithardtogetbackintotheswingofschoollife.

"Itwouldbeadisturbingbreachofgirlcode,"Irepliedinhorror,givingmybestfriendmyfull

attention."Comeon,Ives,"Ipleaded,slammingmyfaultylockerdoorthreetimesbeforeitfinallyshut.

"Jackson'satool,nottomentionamajorman-whore.Youknowthis."Ofcoursesheknewthis.Ivyhad

knownJacksonalmostaslongasIhad.Howshecouldfindhimevenremotelyattractivewasbeyondme.

Ilovedmybrothertodeath,butIwasn’tbeyondadmittingthatwhenitcametotheoppositesex,Jackson

hadinheritedsomeofourfather'straits.Though,unlikeourfather,Jacksonwaskind.Hewasgoodand

gentleandIhadafeelinghewanderedfromgirltogirlbecausehewaslonely.Hewaslackingsomething

deepdowninside–somethingneitherofushadbeengivenfromourparents.

"It'spracticallyincest,"Iadded,scrunchingmynoseup,thoroughlydisgustedatthethoughtofmy

brotherandbestfriendhookingup."Besides,whywouldyouevenwanttogotooneofJDKellerman's

parties?Andapre-homecomingparty?"Ishookmyheadattheidea.Wehadjustreturnedtoschool.

"Homecomingisn’tforanothermonth."Talkaboutanyexcusetothrowaparty.

"I'mfullyawarethatJacksonDavisisn’tboyfriendmaterial."Leaningherheadagainstthemetalframe

ofthelockernexttomine,Ivyturnedtofacemeandgrinned."Buthe'ssodamnpretty."Hercrystalclear

brownskinlookedflawless,herbrowneyesdancedwithmischief,andIwasimmediatelygreenwith

envy.Ivywasgorgeous–blatant,eye-catchinggorgeous–anditwashardtobearoundherwithout

feelingslightlyinferior;orinmycase,majorly.

"Whatever,"Imumbledindefeat."Don’tsayIdidn’twarnyouwhenmybrotherbreaksyourheart."

"Deal.Andyou'reonetotalkaboutincest."Ivygrinned,revealingasetofpearlywhiteteeth."You've

beenfantasizingaboutNathanColesincewewereinthesecondgrade."

Thatwasaverytruestatement,oneI'dlonggivenupdenying.Ivywasgoodlikethat.Shecouldkeep

secrets.ItwasinherIconfidedmyfeelingsformybrother'sbestfriend.IvywastheoneIhadturnedto

whenIfirstfoundoutaboutNathanandDallasdating.I'dnevercriedsomuchasIhadthatday.

"Youshouldcomewithmenextweekend,"Ivysaidinalowtone."Natewillbethere,youknow."

Ishookmyheadandbitbackasigh."YouknowI'mnotallowedtogotoparties."MomandDad

wouldhaveacoronaryiftheyevensuspectedthatIwantedtoattend."Besides,ifNate'sthere,then

Dallaswillbetheretoo."Itwasagiven.

WhereverNathanwent,DallasHollowaywasclosebehind.DallaswasaseniorlikeJacksonand

Nate.SheandNatehaddatedallthroughsophomoreandjunioryear.Shewasalsobeautiful.Really

beautiful.

"Thatgirlisplainnasty."Ivyscrunchedhernoseupindisgust."Sheneedstogetaclueandmoveon.

Heendeditthreemonthsago.It'sover.Getoveritandstoptrailingafterhim."

"Maybeyou'reright,"Imuttered."Butit'snotlikeheputsupmuchofafight."Theystillhookedup.It

happenedallthetimeanditmademesick.

"She'strash,"Ivyhissed,pattingmyarminsympathy."You'reamilliontimesbetterthanher.Inevery

way."

"Thanks."Ismiled,appreciatingherloyalty.

"Doesthatmeanyou'llcome?"

"YouknowIcan't."

"Please,Andi!"

"Ifmyparentsfoundout…"

"Howwilltheyeverfindout?"Ivyshotback."They'dhavetobepresentinyourlifetodothat,and

webothknowthey'renot…Ooh,speakofthedevil."Grabbingontomyshoulders,Ivynot-so-subtly

turnedmetowardsthemainwing."Andheshallappear."

Withmybackpressedtomylocker,IwatchedasNatesaunteredoutoftheprincipal'sofficewith

Jacksonbyhisside.Everyoneinthehallstoppedandwatchedthemastheypassed.Ididn'tblamethem.I

wasstaringtoo.ThemomentNathan'sdarkeyeslandedonmyface,theairexpelledfrommylungsina

headygasp.

Remainingperfectlystill,Iforcedmyselftobreathe,allwhilemyheartthunderedinmychestasI

watchedbothboysapproachus,lookinglikenightandday.

Jackson;blondehairedandsmiling.

Nathan;blackhairedandbrooding.

"So,"Ivymutteredastheboyshonedinonus."Aboutthatgirlcode…"

"Don'tyoudare,"Iwarnedher,butitwasahalfheartedthreat.

ThemomenttheboyswerestandingbesideusJackson'seyeslandedonIvy.Hesmiledandherentire

facelitup.Tiltinghisheadtooneside,hegaveheroneofthose'comehither'looksandshewasagoner–

quiteliterally.

Iwasabandonedformyolderbrother.

WrappinghisarmaroundIvy'sslendershoulders,Jacksontuggedherintohisembrace,andIvy–

beingtheturncoatshewas–squealedindelightandpressedherlipstoJackson's.Thetwocontinuedto

kissastheyhalfwalked,halfstumbledtowardsthefrontentranceandthestudentparkinglot.

IturnedawaybeforeIvomited.

Watchingthosetwogropingeachotherwasn'tsomethingIeverwantedtosee,butthenagain,standing

aroundtryingtoworkupthecouragetospeaktoNathanwasn'texactlyappealingeither.

Sincechildhood,Ihadadoredtheboyinfrontofme–mybrother'sfilthymouthed,risk-taking

troublemakerfriendfromthewrongsideoftown.OvertimethosefeelingshaddeepenedintosomethingI

wasafraidtoadmit,eventomyself.

"Nathan,"Ifinallyacknowledgedinaquiettone,notknowingwhatelsetosaybutknowingthatIhad

tosaysomething.

"Adriana,"Nateshotbackinalowgrufftone,hisangryeyeslockedonmine,hardandunforgiving.

Notsurewhattodo,Idecidedrummaginginmylockerwasagoodplacetostart,andwhileIwasat

it,Idecidedtoprayforthegroundtoopenbeneathme.

HellhadtobeabetteroptionthanbeingthesolerecipientofNathanCole'sbadmood.

Turningmybacktohim,Ikeyedinmycodeandstruggledtoopenthecrappymetaldoor,allwhilemy

cheeksturnedcrimsonred.

IfeltNathanstepclosersecondsbeforehistanned,muscularforearmreachedaroundmybodyand

pulledmylockerdooropeneasily.

Suppressingtheurgetoclosemyeyesandshiveratthefeeloftheheatemanatingfromhisbody,I

whispered,"Thanks,"beforebusyingmyselfwithlookingforabookIknewIhadalreadypackedintomy

bag.

"Youalmostready?"hegrowled,hisbreathfanningmyneck.ThistimeIdidshiver.Itwasan

unstoppablereaction."I'lldriveyouhome."

Shakingmyhead,Isaggedforwardslightly,findingmybalanceagainsttheframeofmylocker."Icame

withJackson.He'stakingme..."

"JacksonjustwalkedoutofschoolwithIvyDupree.Icanguaranteeyouheisn’twaitingintheparking

lottogiveyouaridehome,"heshotbacktauntingly."Let'sgo."

"IthoughtyousaidIwasn’tsupposedtodependonyoutotakecareofmeanymore?"Iheardmyself

reply,cheeksflushedasIcranedmyneckupandforcedmyselftoholdhisgaze.

Hiseyespiercedthroughme,intense,dominatingandincrediblybeautiful."I'mnotgoneyet,"he

finallysaid,jawclenched,eyesblazingwithintensity."Givemeyourbagandlet'sgo."

Ididn’targuefortworeasons.Thefirst;Iknewhewasserious.Thesecond;Iwantedtogowithhim.

AnyopportunitythatgavemeextratimewithNathanCole,Igrabbedwithbothhands.

Handingovermybag,Ifollowedafterhim,allthewhileforcingmyselftobreatheslowlyandcalm

theheckdown.

"Didyouhaveagooddayatschool?"Whatpossessedmetoaskthatquestion,Iwouldneverknow,

butIwassittinginhistruck,hewasgivingmearide,andIkindoffeltobligedtomakesomesmalltalk.

"It'sover,"heshotback,handsclenchedaroundtheold,tatteredsteeringwheel."That'sgoodenough

forme."

"Okay."Decidingnottobothersayinganythingelse,Iclaspedmyhandsinmylapandpeeredoutthe

passengerwindow.TheAlabamaheatwasmuggyandstiflingandIwasregrettingthelongsleevedshirtI

hadthrownonthismorning.Itwastoohotforclothes.

Nathansurprisedmebymakingconversationwithme."So,haveyougotplansfortheweekend?"

Startledbyhisunusualinterestinmylife,Iturnedandgazedatthesideofhisface.

God,hewassohandsome.Hisblackhairwasalltousledandthescruffofhisjawwassodarn

appealing.Iwouldhavegivenanythingtobrushmythumboverhisjaw,justsoIcouldfeelitformyself...

HelookedatmethenandIblinkedbeforequicklyavertingmygaze."Notthisweekend,butIvywants

metogowithhertoDJ'spartynextweekend,"IquicklyrolledofftheoneandonlyinviteI'dhadforthe

weekend.

"Yeah,"Natesniffed,twistinghisneckfromsidetoside."That'snothappening."

"Excuseme?"

"Obviously,you'renotgoing,"hereplied,thistimeturningtostareatme."PeoplegotoDJ'sparties

arefortwothings.Togetdrunkandhookup."Smirking,headded,"Sinceyoudon’tdoeither,Idoubta

placelikethatwouldappealtoyou."

Defianceroaredtolifeinsideofme."Actually,Iamgoing."WhytheheckwasIantagonizinghim?I

wasn’tgoing.WebothknewIwasn’tallowed."Whoknows?Itmightbefun."Still,Icontinuedtospinmy

littleweboflies."MaybeI'llmeetaniceboy."

"Itwon'tbe,"Nategrowledunderhisbreath.Hiseyeswereblazingwithheat."Andyouwon't."

"Andwhynot?"Idemanded,upsetnow."Whyiseverythinggoodenoughforyouguys,butnotfor

me?"

"Becauseyou'retoogoodforeverythingandeveryoneinthisgoddamntown,"heshotbackangrily

beforepullingintomydriveway.

"Nathan."Iwasn’tsurewhattosay.Watchinghimlikeahawk,Iwhispered,"Youreallythinkthat

aboutme?"

Jackingthehandbrake,Nateslippedthetruckintoneutralandsatstony-faced,staringatthefrontofmy

parent'smansionofahouse.

HewassilentforsolongthatIunfastenedmyseatbeltandkneltsidewaysfacinghim.

"Nate,"Isaid,daringtoreachoutandplacemyhandonhisbarearm."Didyoumeanwhatyousaid

justnow?"

Themomentmyfingerscurledaroundhisbicep,hismusclesbunchedandthickenedbeneathmytouch.

Exhalingaheavysigh,Natethrewhisheadbackandclosedhiseyes."It'snotwhatIthinkthatmatters,"he

finallysaid,tonelowandgruff,eyesstillclenchedshut."Yourfatherwouldkillyou."

Itdoesmatter,Iwantedtoscream.Everythingaboutyoumatterstome…

BeforeIhadachancetoevenformasentence,Natewasbacktobeingajerk.

"Look,"hesaid,shakingmyhandoff."Justhurryupandgetout,"hegrumbled,scowlresumed."I'm

lateforwork."

HeworkedeveningsandweekendsatKim'sboyfriendTrey'sautobodyshopinRiverside.

Huffing,Ireachedforthedoorhandle."Ifyou'relateforworkthenwhyoffermearidehomeinthe

firstplace?"

"Idon’thavetimeforthis,Andi,"Natemutteredunderhisbreathashedrummedhisfingersagainstthe

steeringwheel,clearlyagitated."Goinsideandeat."

ClimbingoutofhisoldbatteredChevy,Iturnedatglaredathim."Youknow;Igetthatyoudon’tlike

me."IheldhisdoorofhistruckasIspoke,makingsurehecouldn’tdriveoffwithouthearingmeout.

"Andthat'sfine.Ican'tchangeyourfeelings.Butyoudon’thavetobesomeantome."

"Youhavenoideawhatyou'retalkingabout,"heshotbackangrily.

"I'mnotstupid,Nathan."HerefusedtolookatmeasIspoke,butIknewhewaslisteningsoI

continued."AndI'vedonenothingtodeserveyourtone."

"Mytone?"helaughedhumorlessly."You'reonetotalkabouttones."

"What'sthatsupposedtomean?"Iheldontohistruckdoorlikeitwasaweapon,andinthatmoment,it

was.Hecouldn’tdriveawayfromme.Hehadtostayandfaceme.

"Yourspoiled,snotty,littlesuperiortone,"hebarked."Nowclosemydamndoorandgoinside."

Furious,Iglaredathimandhissed,"Screwyou,Nathan."Islammedthedoorofhistruckclosedwith

moreforcethanIknewIwascapableofbeforestormingtowardsmyhouse.

ThesoundoftiresscreechingfilledmyearsbutIdidn’tlookbackathim.

Iwastoomad.

Yeah,angerwasthereasontearswerefillingmyeyes.

Nothingelse.

****

ChapterThree

Ispentalloftherestoftheeveningholedupinmybedroom,lickingmywoundsandwallowingin

self-pity.Bythetimesevenoclockrolledin,Iwasfeelingataloss,havingcompletedallofmy

homework.

Freshfromashoweranddressedinacleanpairofjammies,Iskulkeddownstairs,feelinglonelyand

boredtotears.Iwentintothekitchenandpreparedmyselfasnackandgrabbedmyinsulinpenbefore

paddingbacktothelivingroomwitheveryintentionofmoldingmybutttothecouchforthenight.Settling

down,Ipulledupthehemofmypajamatanktopandpositionedmyinsulinpenbeforeclickingthetipand

releasingthelittlelifesavingjuiceintomybody.

Ourhousewaslikewinningthelotteryforteenagers,IthoughttomyselfwhenIspottedmybrother

saunterdownthestaircaseinnothingbutapairofblueboardshorts.

"Sup,Andi-Pandy,"Jacksonsaidwithayawnwhenhereachedthebottomstep.Hisblondehairwas

stickingupinfortydifferentdirectionsandhehadthatsleepylookabouthimthatI'dcometolearnhehad

aftersex.

"Jackson,"Irepliedwithashakeofmyhead.

"Youhungry?"heaskedinhisusuallazydrawl.

"I'mfine,"Ishotback,eyeslockedonCambreySmith,agirlinJackson'sgrade,whowaspadding

downourstaircase,cladinmybrother'sfootballjersey.

"Hey,Adriana,"CambreysaidwithablushwhenshereachedJackson'sside.

"Hey,Cambrey,"Ireplied.Noneofthiswasasurprisetome.IwasperfectlyawareofwhatJackson

andCambreyhadjustdoneupstairs.Shewasn’tthefirstthisweekandshewouldn’tbethelast.

"DidyoudropIvyhome?"Jacksondidn’thaveamonogamousboneinhisbodyandthiswasanexact

exampleofwhyIdidn’twantIvygettinginvolvedwithhim.Jacksoncouldn’thelphimself,andIvywas

toogoodtobestrungalonglikethis.

"Don'tgothere,"Jacksonshotbackinawarningtone,catchingaholdofCambrey'shand."Bytheway,

haveyoutakenyourinsulin?"

"Yes,Dad,"Ishotback,hopinghecouldhearthedistaininmyvoice.Hecouldtryandturnthisonme

allhewanted,butIwasthoroughlydisgustedwithhim.Iwantedtoscream'you'reactingjustlikedad'but

Ididn’tdare.Iknewthatstatement–howevertrueitwas–wouldcutJacksonmuchdeeperthanhe

deserved.

"Cool.We'llbeoutbackifyouneedme."

Rollingmyeyes,Igrabbedtheremoteandflickedonthetelevision,choosingtofocusmyattentionon

anythingotherthanmybrotherandhislatestloveinterest.

IfIweredyingonthefloor,Iwouldn’tgooutbackforhelp.NotwhenIknewwhatwouldbe

unfoldinginthehottub.

Iactuallyshudderedatthethought.

Flickingthroughthebazillionchannelswehad,IsettledonanoldrerunofFriends.Settlingdownon

myback,Ifoldedmyarmsbehindmyheadandlaughedmywaythroughthenextthirtyminutes.

"Havingfun?"Nate'svoicecamefromsomewherebehindmeandIfelloffthecouchasItriedtosit

up."Relax,it'sjustme,"hesaidwithanamusedtoneofvoice,ashewalkedaroundthecouch."Idon’t

bite."

Iwishyouwould…ThethoughtpenetratedmymindandIblushedbeetrootred.

"Jackson'soutback,"Itoldhim,climbingbackontothecouch.

"Yeah."Natesankdownandstretchedhisarmsoutacrossthebackofthecouch."Ikindoffiguredthat

whenIwalkedintothekitchenandsawhisbareassflappingaroundinthetub."

"Gross,"Iwhispered,cringingatthethought.Settlingbackdownonthecouch,Ituckedmyknees

beneathmeandangledmybodysothatIwasfacingNathan.IknewIshouldn’t.Itmademelookweird

andstalkerish,butIcouldn’thelpmyself.ItwasimpossiblenottostareatNatewhenhewassittingso

closetome;closeenoughthatifIreachedoutmyhandIcouldtouchhisthigh...

"What?"Nateasked,turningtofaceme.Hisbrowneyesweredarkandheatedashestaredbackatme.

"HaveIgotshitonmyfaceorsomething?"

"Youhaveengineoilonyourcheek."Butthat'snotwhyI'mstaring."Didyoujustfinishedwork?"

"No,"Natedrawled."Iliketogoaroundwearingoverallscoveredinoilandreekingofgasoline."

WhenIdidn’treply,helookedatmeagainandsmirked."Joke,Andi.Icamestraighthereafterfinishing."

"Oh,okay,"Imumbled,duckingmyfacesohecouldn’tseetheembarrassmentinmyeyes.Myhairfell

forwardthenandNatereachedahandoutandtuckeditbehindmyear.

Hisbrowneyeslockedonmine."Don’tknowhowyoucanbalanceyourself,"hesaid,tonelowand

gruffbeforedrawinghishandback."Withallthatdamnhair."

"I'venevercutmorethaninchoffit,"Iadmitted,myhandsimmediatelymovingtomyhair."It'salmost

likeacomfortblankettome."

Justthen,Nate'sphonepingedandheletoutamutteredcursebeforedigginginhispockettoretrieve

it."Goddamn,"hegrumbled,glaringdownatthescreenofhiscell.

"What?"Iaskednosily,edgingcloser."Whoisit?"

"Dallas,"hetoldmeashefuriouslytappedhisthumbsonthescreen."Girlneedstotakeahint."

"Oh."Myheartsank.

"Yeah,"Natesaidflatly."Oh."

IcouldhearthewistfuldesperationinmyownvoicewhenIasked,"youguysbrokeupthough,right?"

"Wedid,"heconfirmedgrimly.HisphonepingedagainandthistimeNatetosseditacrosstheroom."

Thephonelandedperfectlyontheothercouch.Lettingoutasigh,hethrewhisheadbackandclosedhis

eyes."Although,accordingtoDallas,we'reonabreak."

MyhandshookwhenIreachedoutandtouchedhisshoulder."I'mgladyoubrokeupwithher."Sidling

closertohim,Iadded,"She'snotgoodenoughforyou."IfeltNate'sshoulderstiffenbeneathmyhand.He

openedhiseyesandlookedstraightintomyeyes.

"Whatwouldyouknowaboutrelationships?"heaskedgruffly.Iknewhemeanttohurtmewiththat

question,butIdidn’tletit.NotwhenhewaslookingatmewithsuchintensityIcouldfeelitrightdownto

mytoes.

"Nothing,"Iadmitted,movingcloser,breathingfasterthannormal."ButIknowyou,Nate."Mypulse

hadskyrocketedandallIwantedtodowasclimbontohislap."AndIknowyou'resmartandkindand

loyalandeverythingshe'snot."

MyeyesweregluedtoNathan'sface,waitingforasign,asignalofsomesortthatwouldtellmeit

wasokaytofeellikethis.Thatitwasokaytowanttokisshim.

"Andi."Nateletoutaraggedbreath,hisdarkeyeslockedonmyface.Reachingup,hegrabbedmy

shouldersandpulledmeclosertohim,socloseIcouldpracticallytastethemintflavoredgumhewas

chewing."You'vegotmeallwrong,girl."

Shakingmyhead,Ileanedcloserandwhispered,"Idon’tthinkIdo."

ThepatiodoorslammingstartledusandNathanblinkedrapidlybeforeshovingmeawayandjerking

tohisfeet.

"Hey,man!"Jacksonsaidcheerfullyashesaunteredintothelivingroom,thistimewithatowel

wrappedaroundhiswaist."Youbeenherelong?"

"No,"Natemuttered,tonegruff,lookinganywherebutme."Justgothere."Heranahandthroughhis

blackhairandexhaledaheavybreath."IwasthinkingofhittingDixies,"headded."Youupforit?"

Dixieswasacrummy,rundownbarontheothersideoftown.Theyservedanybodyinthatplace.It

wasn’texactlykosher.

Jackson'sfacebrokeoutinagrin."Countmein.LetmejustdropCambreyhomeandI'llmeetyou

downthere."Withthat,Jacksondisappearedbackthroughthekitchen.

Themomentmybrotherwasoutofsight,Isprangtomyfeet."Nate–"

"Don’t,"hetossedoutoverhisshoulderashestalkedoutofthelivingroom."Itwasmymistake.It

won'thappenagain."

****

ChapterFour

BecauseofNathanandJackson'slatenighttriptoDixies,andmylackofsleepworryingaboutwhat

theyweregettingupto,IendedupbeinglaterforfirstperiodBio.

Lookingworseforwear,Jacksonmutteredaslurredgoodbyetomeattheschooldoorbeforerushing

offinthedirectionofthegym.

IsnuckintoMissPeters'classasunobtrusivelyasIcould,hopingtoavoidadetentionslipformy

tardiness.IhadneverbeenlateforclassinmylifeandIwashopingthatshewouldtakethatinto

consideration.Thankfully,MissPeter'smerelyraisedhereyebrowsatmeandmuttered,"Enddeskonthe

left,MissDavis,"beforeresumingwithherlesson.

Iscrambleddowntheaisletomyassigneddesk,pleasedwhenIreacheditandsawthatBrad

Lakewoodwasmypartneragainthisyear.HewasoneofthefewboysinourgradewhoI'dspokento.He

wasalsoinmyHistoryclassandwe'dcompletedagroupassignmenttogetherlastsemester.

"Hey,"IwhisperedasIpulledoutmychairandsatdown.Bradlookedupatmewithahalfformed

smilefrozenonhisface."What?"Iaskedanxiously,grabbinghisarmwhenhedidn’tanswer.

Bradshookhisheadandclearedhisthroat."Nothing,youjust…uh…youlookdifferent”

Dammit,IwasgoingtokillJacksonwhenIfoundhimatlunch.

ItwashisfaultIlookedlikeamess.Iusuallykeptmyblondehairinabraid.Ihadn'thadtimethis

morning,barelyhavingtimetorunmycombthroughit.Itwasflowingfreelydownmybacknow.Andmy

clothes?I'dthrownonthefirstthingI'dfoundinmycloset,whichjustsohappenedtobeaspaghetti

strappedwhitesundressthatfelltomyknee.IlookedlikeIwasreadyforchurch.

"Ilookawful,right?"Iwhispered,lookingdownatmyselfindespair.

"No,"Bradshotbackalittletooloudly–andalittletoosqueaky–beforeclearinghisthroatagain.

"No,it’snice…you'renice,Imeanyoulooknice."

"Um…thanks?"Ithink…

"Noproblem."Reddening,Bradturnedhisattentiontothefrontoftheclassroom.

"Comeon,comeon,payattention,class,"MissPeterscalledoutthen,andIquicklyopenedmytext

bookandfocusedonthelesson.

"Thatwasprettyhardcore,"Bradannouncedafterthebellrang.

"Iknow,"Imutteredinglumagreeance,asIpiledmytextbookintomybag.Iwasgoingtohavetoput

alotofworkintokeepmygradesupinthisclass.

"I’llseeyouinHistory,"Bradsaidaswewalkedfromtheclassroomtogether,partinginseparate

directionsinthehallway.

"Sure,"Ireplied,tighteningmyholdonmybackpack.

"Oh,andAndi?"

"Yeah?"Icalledout,turningbacktofaceBrad.

"Imeantit,"hesaidwithagrin."Youreallydolooknicetoday."

MyfaceflushedbrightpinkasIwatchedBradsaunterdownthehallway.Hewasaniceguy.Agood

one,too.Andhewasn’tbadtolookateitherwithwarmgreeneyes,rusty,brownishhairandawarm

smile.

OnemomentIwaswalkingalong,thinkingaboutmylabpartner,andthenextIwassprawledouton

theflatofmybackhavingwalkedintosomethinghard.

"Ouch,"Igroaned,halfstunnedasIpulledmyselfontomyelbows.Thebackofmyheadachedfrom

whereIhittheground.ItwasthrobbingsobadlyIclosedmyeyesandlaidbackdown,feelingtoosoreto

carethatIhadjustmadeamassivesceneintheschoolhallway.

"Damn,isthatAdrianaDavis?"

"Issheokay?"

"Don’tevenattempttohelpher,dude…"

"I'mnotgonnaleaveherlayingthere."

"Seriously,man,don’ttouchher.Jacksonwillhaveyourballsforit."

"Enjoythevisual;it'stheonlytimeyou'llseethatgirlonherback."

"Whatthefuckareyoualllookingat?"MyeyeswerestillclosedwhenIheardNathan'sharshgrowl

silencetheaudiencearoundme.Secondslater,twostrongarmscamearoundmybody,pullingmetomy

feet.

"Pickingfightswithdoorsagain,Andi?"Natemused,settingmedownonmyfeet.

Hishandsmovedovermyface,checkingfordamage,Iguessed,andIexhaledapainedsigh.

"Ididn’tevenseeadoor."Reachinguptoclaspthebackofmyhead,Ilookedaroundtofindthe

culprit…andyep,Nathanwascompletelyaccurate.Ihadindeedwalkedintoanopendoor."God,I'm

suchaklutz."

Withhisthumb,Natetippedmychinupwardsandstudiedmyfaceagain.Heusedtheotherhandto

feelmyscalp.Isawconcerninhiseyesandimmediately,myheartbegantohammerinmychest.Ifeltso

littlearoundhim.At5'1",IwasconsciouslyawarethatIwaslackingintheheightdepartmentandNate's

6'2"framedidlittletomakemefeelbetter.

"Ithinkyou'regood,"Nateannouncedafteralongmomentofproddingandprobing.Clearinghis

throat,hereleasedmeandtookacarefulstepback."Bemorecareful."

"Thanksforsavingme,"Iquippedwithasmile."Again."

Hesmirkedandshookhishead,seeminglyannoyedwithhimselfforsmilingatmyjoke."Don’tget

usedtoit."Reachingdown,Natepickedupmybagfromthefloorandhandedittome."Keepyoureyes

opennow,yahear?"heorderedbeforeturningaroundandwalkingoff.

AndIdidexactlywhatNathantoldmetodo.Ikeptmyeyesopenandgluedtohisbuttuntilhewasout

ofsight.

****

Bythetimelunchrolledaround,mytumbleoutsideofBiologyclasshadreachedmybrother.Instead

oflaughingaboutit,likeIthoughthewould,Jacksonwasmad.

Reallymadandreallysuspicious.

"Didyoupassout?"hedemandedthemomentIplacedmylunchtraydownonthetable."Didyounot

takeyourinsulinagainandfaint?"

"Ididn’tpassout,"IassuredJacksonasIsankdownonthechairoppositemybrother."AndIdidn’t

forgettotakemyinsulin.Ihonesttogodwalkedintoadoor."

"Ifindthathardtobelieve,"Jacksonshotbackaccusingly,blueeyeslockedonmyface."Whodoes

that?"

"Ido,"Imuttered,embarrassed."Iwasdistractedandwasn’tlookingatwhereIwasgoing."

Jacksoncockedabrow."Andthat'syourstory,isit?"

IcouldfeeldozensofpairsofeyeswatchingourlittlesceneandIduckedmyhead,lettingmyhairfall

overmyfacelikeacurtainfromtheirstares.

"Yes,Jackson,"Irepliedwithawearysigh."That'smystoryandthatalsohappenstobethetruth."

Iunderstoodwhymybrotherwasoverreacting.

He'dbroughtmetotheemergencyroomenoughtimeswhenmybloodsugarspazzedoutofcontrol.He

wascompletelyOCDwhenitcametomydiabetes.

"Jacko,backoff,man."ThatwasNathan'svoiceandmyheadshotup.Hewasstandingbehindme

withhislunchtrayinhishand."Shefell.Plainandsimple."Settlinghistraydownbesidemine,hetook

theseatnexttome.

Jacksonglaredacrossthetable."Nate,man,ifyou'recoveringforher,I'mgonnaberealpissed."

"Twothings,"Nateshotback,eyeslockedonmybrotherashereachedacrossthetableandswipedan

applefromJackson'stray."First,I'vealwaysbeenstraightwithyou."Hisbarearmbrushedagainstmine

andIhadtoforcemybodynottoshiveratthecontact."Andsecond;youneedtocalmyourassdownand

stopmakingagoddamnmountainoutofamolehill."Shrugging,headded,"You'reembarrassingyour

sister."

JacksonstaredhardatNathanforalongmomentbeforenoddinghisheadonceandturninghis

attentiontohisteammateswhowereallwatchingourlittlescene.TheminuteJacksonbegantotalkabout

footballandtouchdowns,Isaggedinreliefandwhispered,"Thankyou,"toNathanwhowasstillbeside

me.Heacceptedmygratitudewithagruntbeforebitingintohisapplewithacrunch.

Fortherestoflunch,IsatbesideNathanCole.HeneverspokeanotherwordtomeandIdidn’toffer

upanyconversationeither.Instead,ImentallyaddedthistotheverylonglistofreasonsofwhyIwas

desperatelyinlovewithhim.

*****

"What'sgoingonbetweenyouandBradLakewood?"IvydemandedinanexcitedtonethemomentI

satinhercarafterschool.

"What?"Fasteningmyseatbelt,Igapedatherinconfusion."Nothing'sgoingonbetweenus."

"That'snotwhatIheard,"Ivyshotbackwithawinkbeforeswitchingintodriveandpullingoutofher

parkingspot."Apparently,youtwowereflirtinglikecrazyoutsideofBiologythismorning.Wordisyou

fellonyourasswhileyouwerecheckingouthisass."

"Peopleatthisschoolareridiculous,"Imuttered."Icanassureyouthatnothingisgoingonbetween

meandBrad."

"Hmm."Ivyclickedhertongueasshepulledoutintotraffic."ThenwhataboutyouandNathan?"

Ijustaboutchokedonmyownspit."WhataboutmeandNathan?"

"Don’tbecoy,"Ivyteased,castingaglanceatme."Iheardallaboutbig,badNathanColecomingto

yourrescuewhenyoufell–nottomentiontakingupforyouatlunchwhenbigbrotherhadagoatyou."

Winking,sheadded,"Itwasallthegirlscouldtalkaboutatsoccerpractice–Dallasismadashell,too."

"Great,"Iwhispered,feelingeveryounceofbloodinmybodyheatupandburn.Withmyhands

claspedonmylap,IinhaledadeepcalmingbreathbeforeexplainingtoIvywhathadhappenedbetween

NathanandItheothernightandhowclosewe'dcometokissing.

"Soyouguyswerelikethatclose?"Ivygaspedasshepulledupoutsidemyhouseandkilledthe

engine."DamnJacksonforinterruptingyou."

"AndthenNatetoldmetoforgetithappenedandthatitwashismistake,"IaddeddejectedlyasI

climbedoutofmycar.

"Ofcourseyouhaven'tforgottenit."Trailingintomyhousewithme,sheclosedthedoorbehindusand

smiled."Youknow;Ithinkhewantsyou,Andi."

"Hedoesn’t,"Ireplied.Walkingintothekitchen,Idroppedmybagonthecounterbeforegoingin

searchofasnack."IpracticallyofferedmyselftoNathanonaplateandheturnedmedown."Stiflinga

groan,IpulledoutacontainerwithasaladIhadpreppedlastnightandgrabbedafork."AllIamtoNate

ishisbestfriend'slittlesister.HeknowsIlikehimandkeepslettingmedowngently.Ineedtogetagrip

onit…"

"That'sbecausehe'storn,"Ivyshotbackwithagleaminhereye.Shehoistedherselfontooneofthe

stoolsattheislandandsighed."I'veseenthewayNathanColelooksatyou,Andi,andit'snotina

brotherlyway."

"Ilikehimsomuch,Ives,"Iadmittedwithagroan."It'snotfair."Droppingmyforkdown,Iexhaled

heavily."Ican'tstopthinkingabouthim.He'sliterallyonmymindallthetime."Sulking,Ipickedupmy

forkandstabbedapieceoflettuce."AndDallasisstillcallinghim."Takingabiteofmysalad,Ichewed

andswallowedquicklybeforeadding,"Sheobviouslywantshimback,andit'sinevitablethatthey'llget

backtogetherbecause,lets'faceit,Ican'tcompetewithagirlwhoisthatbeautifulandexperienced…"

IalmostjumpedcleanoutofmyskinwhenIheardJacksonask,"Who'sbeautifulandexperienced?"

"God,"Ihissed,pressingahandtomychest."Youscaredtheheckofme,Jackson."

"Sorry."Smilingwolfishly,hesaunteredintothekitchenandpickedagrapefromthefruitbowlonthe

island."So."Leaninghishipagainsttheisland,hewinkedatIvybeforepoppingthegrapeinhismouth.

"Who'ssobeautifulandexperiencedthatyoucan'tcompete?"

"Me,"Ivyfilledinsmoothlywithachuckle."Andiherewasworriedaboutthehomecomingdanceat

theendofthemonth."

"Homecoming?"Jacksonfrowned."Yougirlsareworryingaboutthatshitalready?"

Smilingupatmybrother,Ivyflickedherlongdarkhairandsmiled."Andithinksbecauseshe'snever

beentoadancethatshe'lllooksilly."Shrugging,Ivyaddedwithasultrypurr,"She'salsoseenwhatI'm

wearingforhomecomingand…well,let’sjustsay,itwillhardtobeat."

Jackson'sbrowsshotupinsurprise."Oh,yeah?"

"Uh-huh."Ivynoddedinnocently,battingherbigbrowneyesatmybrother."See,it'sredandhasaslit

allthewayuptomythigh.It'salsolowcut.Reallylowcut…"

Holdingouthishandinfrontofhisface,Jacksonsaid,"Holdthatthought,"inapainedvoicebefore

turninghisattentiontome."Someoneaskyoutothedance,Andi?"

"No,"Imuttered,blushing."Notatall."

"Huh."Foldinghisarmsacrosshisbroadchest,Jacksoncontinuedtostudymyface."Youwanttogo

tohomecoming?"hefinallyasked.

"Asif,"Ishotbacksarcastically,strugglingtokeephisstare."DadwouldhaveacoronaryifIeven

askedforpermissiontogo."

"Fuckdad,"Jacksonshotback,tonesuddenlyheated."Ifyouwanttogothenyoucango."

Jacksonhadzerorespectforeitheroneofourparents.

'Pretentiouspricks'wastheexpressionJackson'susedtodescribeourmotherandfather,anditwas

withaheavyheartthatIhadtoadmithewasn’tentirelywrong.

Professionally,ourfatherwasashark.Heownedhisownlawfirmandwasthego-todivorceattorney

inthestateofAlabama.Extremelywellrespectedupanddownthecountry,CliveDavishadamassed

quiteareputationforhimself,nottomentionquitealotofmoney.Hisshrewdbusinesstechniquesand

keeneyeforthestockmarketkepthisbedfullwithadifferentwomaneverynightandourmotherdraped

indiamonds.

Momwasnobetter.She'dhadmoreaffairsinthelastthreeyearsthanIcaredtoremember.She,like

Nate'smom,hadafondnessforalcoholandmen;thoughourmotherwasmuchmorediscreetaboutit,

choosingtotakeextendedvacationsandattendcharityauctions.

Totheoutsideworld,welookedlikeaperfectfamily,butitwasallanact.Anactheldtogetherbythe

lackofapre-nupandasolidreputation.

Thesadtruthofitallwasthat,alongwiththeflavoroftheweeknanny–andthosewereadimea

dozen–JacksonandIhadbroughtourselvesup.

MomhadgivenuphiringhelpwhenIturnedeight.Bythen,Jacksonwasgoingontenandmorethan

capableoftakingcareofthebothofus–andbythenDadhadsleptwithprettymucheverynannylisted

withtheagency.

Yeah,evenattheripeageofeight,I'dunderstoodallaboutmyfather'sextramaritalhabits.Jackson

wouldtryandshieldmefromit,butIknew.Ihadearsandeyesandourfatherwasn’texactlydiscreet.

EventhoughJacksonwasonlyayearolderthanme,hetookontheroleofparent.Hespenthis

childhoodtakingcareofmeandbossingmearound.

Starvedforparentalauthority,Ihadgladlyacceptedthisfrommybrother…

Noddinginsomesortofpersonalaffirmation,Jacksonsaid,"I'lltakeyoumyself."

"Ohyeah."Irolledmyeyes."Becausethatwouldn'tbeweirdatall;showinguptohomecomingwith

mybrother."

"Ididn’tmeanI'dtakeyouasmydate,"Jacksonscoffed.Turninghishead,hewinkedatIvyandsaid,

"Thatspot'sfilled,"beforelookingbacktome."Imeantyoucouldridewithme."

"Dadwouldnevergoforit,"Iblurtedout,tryingtothinkofallthereasonswhythiswasaterrible

idea.

"AndItoldyou;fuckDad,"Jacksonshotback."Prickcan'tkeepyouholedupinthishouseforever."

"Idon’thaveadress."

"Buyone,"Ivypipedupwithagrin."I'lltakeyoushopping."

Iturnedandglaredather."Idon’thaveadate."

Raisingherbrows,andthestakes,shesuggested,"AskNate."

"What?"Ihissed,shakingmyhead,beggingIvynottosayanotherwordinfrontofJackson."Noway!"

"Whynot?"sherepliedinaninnocenttone."HeandDallasbrokeupmonthsago.Natehasnointerest

ingettingbackwithher.Ifyouaskme;you’dbedoingeachotherafavorbygoingtogether."

"You'recrazy,"Igrowled,mortified."Insane."

"Actually,Ithinkit'sprettyfuckinggenius,"JacksonannouncedandIgaped."Youshouldgowith

Nate."

MyfirstreactionwhenIheardthosewordscomeoutofmybrother'smouthwastolaugh,followed

veryquicklywithanoverwhelmingfeelingofwarmthinmycore."What?"Ishookmyhead,unableto

comprehendwhatwashappening."How?"

"Well,"Jacksonsaidslowly,asifhewasfiguringeverythingoutashespoke."Nate'sbeentryingto

shakeDallasoffsincethesummer.Andifyou'regoingtothedance,Ineedtoknowyou'llbesafeandnot

withsomepunkwho'lltryandgetyoudrunkfirstchancehegets.WhobetterthanNate?Hewon'ttake

advantageofyou.He'dneverlookatyoulikethat.Hell,you'repracticallyhislittlesister."

"Nathanwouldneveragreetothis,"Ichokedout.

"Whydon’tweaskhim?"Withthat,Jacksoncalledout,"Nate?Canyoucomehereforasec?"

"He'shere?"OhsweetbabyJesus.IfeltfaintwithfearandanticipationwhenNathanwalkedintoour

kitchenafewminuteslaterwithnothingbutatowelwrappedaroundhiswaist.

"Andnaked!"Ivysqueaked.

"Yeah,"Natesaidgruffly."Thewater'soutatuh…athome."Shrugging,headded,"Jacksonsaidit

wouldbecoolifIshoweredhere."Waterdrippedfromhishairtohishard,tonedchest."So,what'sup?"

"Nate,mymainman."Jacksongrinnedlikeamaniac."Howwouldyoufeelabouttakingmysisterto

thehomecomingdance?"

Nathanstoodstockstillinthekitchen.Hisgazeflickeredtomyfaceforabriefmomentbefore

returningtoJackson's."Isthisajoke?"

"Actually,I'mserious,"Jacksonshotback."Andineedsadate,someoneIknowwon'ttakeadvantage

ofher,andyouneedhelpgettingridofDallas."Smilingproudly,headded."I'magoddamngenius."

"Hey,"Ivychuckled."Itwasmyidea."

"No,"Nathanbarked,lookingappalled."Nowayinhell."Disgustlacedhistoneasheglaredatmy

brotherandinthatmomentalittlepieceofmediedinside."Haveyougoneinsane,dude?Youwanttobait

yoursisterouttoDallas?"Nateshookhisheadagain."Nogoddamnway."

"Nathan'sright,"Iforcedmyselftosay.Icrossedmyarmsovermychestandforcedmyselftolookat

Nathanbeforequicklylookingbackatmybrother."I'mnotgettinginvolvedinDallasHolloway's

business.Nooffense,Nate,butyourgirlfriendisseriouslyscary."

DallaswasfromRiverside.ShelivedinthesametrailerparkasNate,inareallybadareaofSpring

Hill.SteppingonDallas'stoeswasnotsomethinggirlslikemedidwithoutsufferingconsequences–

reallypainfulconsequences.

"Ex-girlfriend,"Jacksonchimedinbeforeadding,"whichiswhyyoushouldtakeAndi.TohelpDallas

getitthroughherpretty,batshitcrazyheadthatyouaredone,onceandforall."

WhenNathandidn’treply,Ivywasquicktojumpintothemix."Lookather,Nate."Shemadeavery

embarrassingpointofgesturingtowardsme."Mygirlisoffthechartsbeautiful.Dallaswilldieifshe

thinksyou'vehookedupwithAndi."

"Youdorealizethisisabnormalevenforyou,"Nathanquipped,glaringatJackson."Itisn'tcommon

practicetoofferyouryoungersisterasapawninyourbestfriend'slovelife."

Jacksonthrewhisheadbackandlaughed."Comeon,Nate,we'retalkingaboutAndihere,"heteased,

rufflingmyhairwithhislargecallusedhand."She'slikeasistertoyou."Soberingquickly,Jackson

added,"Besides,youknowshe'soff-limits."

"Obviously,"Nateshotback,likethethoughtofbeingwithmewasthedumbestthinghe'deverheard.

"See!"Jacksonannounced."Thewayyou'relookingathernow,likeyou'reallergicorsomething,is

exactlywhythisissuchafuckingawesomeidea."

"Idon’tknowaboutthis,dude."Turningtolookatme,Nateexhaledheavilyandsaid,"Whatdoyou

think?"

"Idon’tknow,"Iwhispered,unsureandfeelingwounded.Allergictome…

"Iwon'tforceyou,"Nathanreplied,browneyeslockedonmyfaceandIcouldn'tlookaway.Iwas

trappedinaninternalbattleandhisbrowneyeswerewinningmeover."It'syourchoice,"headded

gruffly."Yourdecision."

Ifoundmyselflookingintohisbrowneyesandnoddingslowly."Okay,I'llgowithyouto

homecoming."

Natestaredhardatmethen,handtighteningonhistowel."Okay."Henoddedoncebeforeturningto

leave.

"Wait,guys,"Jacksoncalledout."Ididn’tmeanjusthomecoming.Andineedstobecomeyour

girlfriend."

"What?"Isqueaked.

IwatchedasNathan'slargeframetensed.Turningslowly,hehissed,"What?"

"Yeah,"Ivyadded,eyesbulging."What?"

"Youknowthesaying;gohardorgohome?"Jacksonsaidwithadarksmileasherubbedhishands

together."Well,that'stheapproachweneedtotakewithDallas.It'snotenoughtogotohomecoming

together.Sheneedstobelieveyou'vemovedon–thatyou'reseriousaboutAndi."Shrugging,Jackson

added,"Isayfromtomorrowon,youtwoareofficiallyacouple."

"Thisisinsane,"Nathangrowled."You'vegonefuckingcrazy,Jackson."

"No,"mybrothercorrected."I'vejustfiguredoutawaytogetbackatthatbitchforwhatshedidto

us…"

Us?

Asinplural?

IstaredatJackson."Why?WhatdidDallasdotoyou?"

"Nate'smybestfriend,"Jacksonexplainedcarefully,eyeslockedonNathan."Dallashasbeen

tormentinghisassforyearsnowandI'vefinallyfoundawaytoshakeheroff.Isthatsowrong?"

Ivylookedatmeinhorror."Andi,youdon’thavetodothis."SheknewexactlyhowIfeltabout

NathanColeandthelookinhereyesrightnowwassympathy."Homecoming,fine,butthis?"sheshook

herhead."Thisistwisted."

"Relax,Ives,"Jacksonpipedup."It'stotallykosher.It'sjustagame,"headded."Alittlemind-fucking

forDallas'sbenefit.Noone'sgettinghurthere."

"Idon’tlikethis,"Ivyannounced,lookingstraightatme.ThelookinhereyestoldmethatshethoughtI

wasabouttogethurt."Andi,"shewhispered,concerninhereyes."Areyousureyou'recoolwiththis?"

Ididn’tknow.

WasI?

IlookedfromIvytoJacksonandthenfinallytoNathan.Themomentmyeyeslandedonhisface,my

mindwasmadeup.

"Okay,Nathan,"Isaidshakily."I'llbeyourfakegirlfriend."

IknewIwasgettingmyselfintoonehellofaride.

ButIcouldn'tstopmyselffromagreeing.

Deepdowninside,IknewthiswasascloseasIwouldevercometobeingNathanCole'sgirlfriend.

****

ChapterFive

Inthespaceofoneweek,I'dgonefrombeingcompletelyinvisibletothemosttalkedaboutgirlat

school.BeingNathanCole'sgirlfrienddidthattoagirl'sreputation.

Ofcourse,Iwasundernoillusionsastowhatthetruthwas.Andthetruthwas,Natewasn’tmy

boyfriend–farfromit.Itwasashow,anact,onebothofusweresurprisinglygoodat.

Hedrovemetoschooleverydayanddroppedmehomeafterwards.

Heheldmyhandinthehallwayandpulledmedowntositonhislapatlunch.

Hewalkedmetomostofmyclasses,andhemadeapointofwaitingformeatmylockerattheendof

eachday–knowingthatIhadtroublewithopeningandclosingit.

IwassurprisedtorealizejusthowinsyncNateandIwerewithoneanother.I'dwatchedhimfor

years,knewhisroutineandhabitslikethebackofmyhand,buthesurprisedmebyknowingmine,too.

LikethefactthatIhatedspeed.HealwaysslowedrightdownwhenIwasinthetruckwithhim.

OrthefactthatIhadaseriousweaknessforlightpopcorn.EverydaysinceI'dbecomeNathanCole's

fakegirlfriend,I'dreceivedalittlepouchofpopcorn.Itmademefeelallwarmandtinglyinsidetoknow

thathehadactuallybeentakingnoteofmytraitsalltheseyears.

Sometimes,whenNatewasinfakeboyfriendmode,Iwouldletmymindwander.

IwouldallowmyimaginationtostraydangerouslyclosetothelinesIwasn'tsupposedtocross.

Sittingonhislapduringlunch,revelingwhenhecalledmebabyaroundotherpeople,andthewaymy

skincamealivewhenourbodiesbrushed...

Itwastheworstformofpleasurebecauseitwasonesidedandforbidden.

IknewIwassettingmyselfupfortheultimaterejection,butIcouldn’tstop.Icouldn’tpullawayandI

couldn’tstayawayfromhim.Iwascompletelycaughtupinmybrother'sbestfriendandnothingIdid

seemedtochangeit.

"Andi,didyouhearme?"Ivy'svoicepenetratedmythoughtsandIshookmyhead,forcingasheepish

smile.

"Sorry,"IofferedupasIrolledthefoodonmyplatearoundwithmyfork."I'mnotwithittoday."

WeweresittinginourusualboothinDaisy'sDineronthemainstreet.We'dbeencomingheresinceas

farbackasIcouldremember.TheguysinDaisy'smadethebestfood,andevencateredformydiet,but

tonightIcouldn’teatabite.IvyandIwerewaitingonJacksonandNatetocomemeetusandIwas

nervous.Thosenerveshadattackedmyabilitytoconsumefood…

AccordingtoJackson,NateandIneededtobeseenoutsideofschooltoreallygrateonDallas's

nerves.Ididn’tunderstandhisobsessionwithtormentingDallas,butsinceIwasgettingwhatIwantedout

ofthedealbygettingtospendtimewithNathan,IdidasIwastold.

"You'reneverwithit,"Ivyshotbackwithasmirk."Atleastnotsinceyou'vebecomeNateand

Jackson'spetproject."

"I'mnottheirpetproject,"Ishotback."Don'tjudgeme,okay.Iknowhowthislookstoyou,butyou

don’tunderstand.Youdon’tgethowmuchIlikethatboy."Rubbingmybrowwithmyhand,Iexhaleda

sigh."It'ssadandpatheticandcompletelyunhealthy,butIwanthimsodamnmuch."

"Andthere'snothingIcansaytomakeyouchangeyourmindonthis,isthere?"

Ishookmyhead.

Sadly,therewasn’tadamnthingthatwouldorcouldchangemymindonthis.Iwasreekingwith

desperation,itwasobvious,andstillIdidn’thaveenoughself-respecttostopmyself.

Ivyexhaledheavily."Thengoforit."

Mybrowsshotup."What?"

"Youheardme,"sheshotback."Itoldyoutogoforit."

"ButIthoughtyousaidthiswastootwisted?"Igapedatmybestfriend."Whataboutallthatstuffyou

saidaboutmegettinghurtandthisbeingareallybadidea?"

"Itisabadidea,"shecounteredquickly."Andyouwillgethurt.Butifyou'renotwillingtolistento

thevoiceofreason,which,FYI,ismyvoice,thenwhatthehell.Youmightaswellenjoyyourself!"

Shrugging,Ivyleanedacrossthetabletowardsmeandsmileddeviously."You'vewantedthatboysince

forever."Shewaggledherperfectlydefinedbrows."AndtrustmewhenItellyouhemostdefinitelywants

youtoo."

"Idon’tthinkso,Ives,"Imumbled.

"Well,Iknowso,"Ivycounteredwithasmirk."Iknowboys,Andi,andbelieveme;NathanCole

wantsyou.Badly."Herattentionflickeredtobehindmethenandhereyeslitup."They'rehere,"she

whisperedinahushedtone."Gethimgirl."

MyeyesimmediatelyhonedinonmybrotherandNathanwhohadjustwalkedthroughthedoorof

Daisy'sdinerwithanothergirl.ThemomentIrecognizedthegirlwhosehandNatewasholding,myheart

warmed.

"Sorrywe'relate,"Jacksonannouncedwhenhereachedouttable."Coachbustedmyballsat

practice."SlidingintotheboothalongsideIvy,hewrappedhisarmaroundherandyawnedloudly."Have

youguysordered?"

"Youhungry,Callie?"Nateasked,tonesoft,asheusheredhisnieceintothebooth.Instantly,Callie

squeezedintotheseatnexttoJackson."Youwantaburgerorsomething?"heasked,frowningathisniece

whowaslookingupatmybrotherlikehehungthemoon.

"I'llhaveamilkshake,UncleNate,"Callierepliedinhersweetlittlevoice."Strawberryplease."

"I'monit."Noddinggruffly,Natelookedtome."Youwantsomething,Andi?"

"Nothanks,"Imanagedtowhisper,feelingheatedandflushedfromhavinghiseyesonme.

Natenoddedoncemorebeforedisappearingtothecounter.

Hereturnedafewminuteslaterwithtwomilkshakes.Slidingintotheboothbesideme,heslidone

glasstohisniece.

"Sorry,"hewhisperedtome,tonelow."Kimhadtoworklate.SheneededsomeonetowatchCallie."

"It'stotallyfine,"Ireplied,smilingupathim."YouknowIloveCallie."I'doftenbabysatCallie

myselfdownthroughtheyears.Shewasanadorablelittlegirl.Castingaglancetowardshislittleniece,I

grinnedwhenInoticedshewashangingonJackson'severywordashemadeheranapkinairplane."I

thinkshe'sinlove."

"Hmm."Natelookedacrossthetableandfrowned."Isn'tshealittleyoungtohaveacrush?"

"Notreally,"Ishotbackwithawistfulsigh.Ihadbeencrushingonherunclesincechildhood."Ican

rememberbeingherageandhavingcrushes."Onecrush.Him."It'snatural."

Turninghisattentiontome,Natesmirkeddownatme."Yeah,"hewhisperedgrufflyinmyear."I

rememberhavingacrushbackthentoo."

"Youdid?"Ibreathed,heartracing."Onwho?"

"Whodoyouthink,Andi?"heshotback,tonehusky.

"IsAndiyourgirlfriendnow?"Calliepipedup,eyeslockedonmeandNate,burstingourlittlebubble

ofintimatebliss.

"Whatmakesyousaythat,Callie?"Nateasked,stiffeningbesideme,asheturnedhisattentiontohis

niece.

"Becauseya'lllooklikeyou'reinloveorsomething."Shesquintedhereyesasshestudiedus."Ew,do

youtwokissnow?"

Immediately,Jacksonbrokeintoafitoflaughter."Kid'sperceptive."Seeminglydelighted,Jackson

turnedtoCallieandsaid,"No,Callie,sweetheart.NateandAndiarejustpretendingtobetogether."

"Why?"Calliefrowned.

"Well,yourememberuncleNate'smean,oldgirlfriend,Dallas?"

Calliescrunchedhernoseup."Unfortunately."

"Damn,Nate,"Jacksonlaughed,mussingCallie'shair."Ilovethiskid."SmilingdownatCallie,

Jacksonadded,"Well,UncleNate'shavingarealhardtimemakingDallasleavehimalone.Andihereis

pretendingtobehisgirlfriendsoDallaswillstop…tryingtokisshim."Jacksonlookedawfullysmug–

likehewasproudofhowhe'dexplainedhistwistedplantoanine-year-old.

"Soyouguysarefakingit?"Callieasked,lookingatmeandNate.Whenwebothnodded,shecocked

abrow."That'skindof…dumb."

"Okay,nowIlovehertoo,"Ivychuckled."Iagree,Callie.It'sreallydumb."

"Why'sitdumb,Callie?"Nateaskedinanamusedtone.

"Becauseyouguysloveeachother,"sheshotbackinnocently.

"No,sweetheart,"Jacksonreplied,cacklingwithlaughter."Theydon’tloveeachotherlikethat."

CalliestaredhardatNathanthen."Youshould.Andi'srealprettyandniceandshealwayssmells

good."

"Yeah,Cal,sheis,"herepliedthoughtfully.

"MeandyouruncleNatearejustfriends,Callie,"Iheardmyselfsay,forcingmyselftocovermy

feelingsandblankoutmyemotions."That'sall."

"YoushouldmakeAndiyourrealgirlfriend,UncleNate,"Callieinsisted,eyeslockedonheruncle.

"Christ…"Climbingoutofthebooth,Nathangesturedtohisniece."Comeon,girl.I'mtakingyou

hometoyourmommabeforeyouenduptotallycorrupted."

****

"Ifanyonecomesoverherebuggingyou,thenyouhonk,"Nateinstructedwhenhepulledhistruckup

outsidehismomma'strailerinRiversideonThursdayevening."AndI'llcomestraightout."

"Okay,"Imanagedtosaywithanod,eyeslockedonthebatteredoldtrailerinfrontofme.Ihadn't

beentohishomeinyears,andIhadafeelingthattheonlyreasonIwasherenowwasbecauseofthe

emergencycallhe'dreceivedfromhissisterKimwhenwewereleavingtheschoolparkinglot.

ApparentlyNate'smommawasonanotheroneofherbender'sandhadtakenKim'scarfromherhouse.

NowitwasdowntopoorNathantotryandtalksomesenseintoher.

"Hey."IfeltNate'sthumbstrokemycheekandIhadtoforcemyselfnottoshiver."I'llbeasfastasI

can."

ItwassohardbeingsoclosetohimwhenallIwantedtodowasthrowmyselfonhim."Takeyour

time."

Iwatchedasheclimbedoutofhistruckandjoggeduptothetrailerwithaheavyheart.

Ivywasright.

Thiswastoohard.

Itwastoomuchforme.

"Getthehellouttahere,youlittlebastard!"

ThescreamscomingfromNathan'strailerweresoloud,Iwasprettysuretheentireparkcouldhear.

Startled,Isatfrozentomyseatandlistened.

"Forgod'ssake,Momma.You'vegottastopdoingthis."

Worried,Ikeptmyeyeslockedonthedoorofthetrailer,wonderingwhattheheckIshoulddo.

"Justleavemebe,boy.Goandwalkonoutthatdoorlikeyoursister."

"I'mnotleavingyou,momma,damn."

"Fine.Ifyouwon'tleave,Iwill…"

ThetrailerdoorslammedopenandoutstompedBeckyCole,lookingworseforwear.Shestaggered

towardsasilverHondaCivicandclimbedinside.

Isat,withmyheartinmymouth,andwatchedasNate'smotherstartedtheengineandtoreoffthrough

thetrailerparklikeabatoutofhell.

WhenNathandidn’treemergefromthetraileraftertenminutes,Ibegantopanic.

Slippingoutofhistruck,Icreptuptothetrailerandletmyselfinside,theurgetomakesurehewas

okaydrivingmeforward.

Thetrailerwasamess.Itlookedlikeahurricanehadpassedthroughit,anditreekedofstale

cigarettesandbeer.Carefulnottosteponanything,Iclimbedoverthepilesofdirtyclothesandgarbage,

makingmywaydowntotinyhallwaytowhereIrememberedNate'sbedroomwas.

MyheartwasracingwhenIpushedhisbedroomdooropenanditstoppedaltogetherinmychestwhen

Isawhimlyingonhisbackwithhishandscoveringhisface.Icouldn’thelpbutnoticehisbedroomwas

immaculate.Therewasn’tathingoutofplaceinhereanditmademewanttocrytothinkofhimlivingin

thisworld.

"Nate?"Iwhisperednervously,takingasteptowardshim."Areyouokay?"

"Idon’twantyouinhere,Andi,"hegroaned,keepinghisfacecovered."Justwaitoutinthetruckfor

me."Shuddering,headded,"I'llbeoutinaminute."

Closinghisbedroomdoorbehindme,Iwalkedovertohisbedandsatdownontheedge.

Leaningforward,Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhiswaistandpressedmycheektohischest.

"Itoldyoutogo.Idon’twantyoutoseethis…shithole."Hisbodytrembled,hedidn’treturnmyhug,

buthedidn’tpushmeawayeither."Youneedtoleave,Andi…"

Ididn’tleave.

IremainedexactlywhereIwas,withmyhandswrappedaroundhim.

Iwasinhisbed.Itwassmallandcleanandsmelledjustlikehim.

HeneverspokeawordandneitherdidI.Ijuststayedrightthereinhisbedwithhim,holdingonto

him,prayingIcouldsomehowmakehimfeelbetter.Ilaidwithhim,barelybreathing,andwithmyheart

hammeringinmychest.Ilovedhimthatmuch.

Finally,whenthesunhadgonedown,andtheroomwasincompletedarkness,Ifeltthemattressdip

andthenhisarmcamearoundme,pullingmecloser.

ButterfliesflappedaroundinmystomachlikecrazyasIcompliantlylaybesidehim.Rollingontomy

side,Isnuggledintohisside,wantingnothingmorethantodisappearinsidethismomentandnevercome

backout.

OnemomentIwassnugglingintohischest,andthenextIwaswakinguptothefeelofasteadyrise

andfallofamalechest.Nathan'schest,Irealizedandshivered.

IwaslyingontopofNathan.WewerechesttochestandIcouldfeelhispenis,hardanderect,

pressingagainstmyinnerthigh.

Unabletostopmyself,Igentlyrolledmyhipsandmoanedloudlywhenadeliciousshockjolted

throughmycore.Desperatetofeelitagain,Irolledmyhipsagain,bitingdownonmylipwhenthesame

joltofpleasureshotthroughme."Hmm…"Feelingflusteredandaroused,Irockedmyhipsagainandthis

time,Nathan'shipthrusteduptomeetme."Uh…"

Clenchingthefabricofhisshirtinmyhand,Icontinuedtorollmyhipsagainsthim,moaningloudly

everytimehiserectionpressedagainstmyachingclit.

IknewhewasawakeandheknewIwasawake,wewerebothfullyclothedandyet,neitherofus

werestopping.Wecontinuedtothrustourbodiesagainsttheother,withmewhimperingandNate

breathinghard.

Anurgencybegantobuildinsidemethen,sooverwhelmingthatIcriedoutinunsatedfrustration.That

crywasallittooktomakeNathanlosehismind.

Lettingoutalowgrowl,Nateflippedmeontomybackinoneswiftmovebeforedroppinghishandsto

mywaist.Withoutaword,heroughlydraggedmyjeansandpantiesdownmythighsbeforeburyinghis

facebetweenmylegs.

"Omigod,"Icriedout,buckingandjoltingassensationsI'dneverexperiencedinmylifefloodedme.

"Ohgod…Nathan…please!"Shamelessly,ItuggedonNate'shairandthrustedmypussyintohisfaceasI

rodeoutthisextraordinaryfeelingofbliss."I'm…omigod…yessss…"

"Shh,"hechuckledbeforepressinghisthumbagainstmyclit.Thatmovealonewasenoughtomakeme

screamatthetopoflungs."You'resofuckingtight,Andi,"hegroanedashepressedhisfingerinsideme.

"Icanbarelygetonefingerinsideyou."

"Don’tstop,"Icriedout.WithonehandroughlyyankingonNate'shair,Imovedtheotherbetweenmy

legsandshovedhisfingerharderintome."Please…"Iwhimpered,thrashingwithneed."Giveme

more…"

"Fuck,"hehissedbeforeshovinganotherfingerinsideme.Thefeelingoffullnesswasoverwhelming.

ThemomentNathanpulledmyclitintohismouthandsuckled,itallbecametoomuchtobear.IfeltlikeI

wasshatteringintoamillionpiecesasmypussyconvulsedalmostviolentlyaroundNate'sfingers.

Mybodycontinuedtotremblelongafterthefeelingofpleasurepassed.MybonesfeltlikejellyasI

continuedtolaytherewithNathanColebetweenmylegs.Ididn’tthinkeitherofusknewwhattodothen.

WejuststaredateachotherinastateofmutualshockandarousaluntilthesoundofNate'sphoneringing

brokethemoment.

Pullingbackonhisknees,Natedraggedhisphoneoutofhispocketandgroanedwhenhelookedatthe

screen."It'sJackson."

Frozenonhisbed,IwatchedNatestandupandputhisphonetohisear."Jackson,hey."Helookedat

meandexhaledapainedsigh."Andi,yeah,she'swithme."Heranahandthroughhishandthenand

openedhisbedroomdoorbeforeslippingout."Wewentfordinner,"Iheardhimsay."Caughtamovie

afterwards."

Unsureofwhattodo,Idraggedmypantiesandjeansupmylegsandreadjustedmyselfbeforeshakily

climbingtomyfeet.

WhenIwalkedbackintothekitchenareaofthetrailer,Natewasleaningoverthesinkwithhisbackto

me,stillonthephonetomybrother."

"I'llbringherhomenow…Yeah,themovie'sjustover…Idon’tknow,man,somechickflickshe

wantedtosee…yeah.I'llseeyouintwenty."

Whenhehungupthecall,Nateturnedaroundslowly."I…uh…"hisvoicebrokeoffandheclearedhis

throatbeforespeakingagain."Jacksonwantsyouhomenow."

MyeyeslandedonthenoticeablylargebulgeinNathan'sjeansandIlickedmylips.Iwantedmoreof

him."Idon’twanttogohomeyet,"Iwhispered,cheeksflushed.

"Andi…"Nateletoutapainedgroan."Ineedtotakeyouhome.Now,girl,beforeIdosomething

you'llregret."

"Iwon't."Shakingmyhead,Imovedtowardshim,unabletokeepaway."IpromiseIwon'tregret

anythingyoudotome."Iwouldn’tregretit.Mybodywasscreamingathimtotakeme.Tostopmakingme

suffer.IneededhimlikeIneededtheairinmylungs.IhonesttogodfeltlikeIwouldburstintoflamesif

hedidn’ttakemerighthereandnow…

Nathanstoodfrozentothespotforwhatfeltlikeforever,withhiseyeslockedonmyface.

Finally,hereleasedabreathandshookhishead."Getinmytruck,Andi."

****

ChapterSix

"Hewentdownonyou"

"God,Ivy.Canyousayitanylouder?"Ihissed."Idoubtthepeopleatthebackofthelineheardyou."

WewerestandinginlineforlunchandIwasseriouslyregrettingopeningmymouthandtellingIvyabout

lastnight.

"Answermyquestion,woman!"sheshotback,oblivioustothestareswewerereceiving.

IcastaglancetoJacksonandNate'stable.AjoltshotthroughmewhenmyeyeslandedonNathan.

"Yes,"Iwhispered,thinkingbacktowhatwe'ddoneinhisbedroomlastnight.Bitingdownonmylip,I

avertedmyeyesfromhim,unabletolookathimwithoutmeltingintoapuddle.

"Withhismouth?"

Howmanyotherwayswastheretogodownonsomeone?

"Yeswithhismouth,Ivy."Andhistongue.Andhisfingers…

Howwasit?"

"Ivy!"

"Comeon,"shepleaded,whenwepaidforourfood."Tellme."

IstruggledtobalancemytrayasIthoughtabouthowIhadfeltwhenNathanhadhismouthonme."It

was…achy."

"Achy."Ivysigheddreamily."Damn."

"Icame,"Iadmitted,blushingagain."Loudly."

"Damn,"sherepeated,thistimewithanimpressedglintinhereyes."Boymusthavesomemadskills

withhismouth."

"Why?"

"You'reavirgin,"Ivysaid,likestatingmysexualstatussomehowexplainedeverything.

Itdidn’t,ornottomeatleast,butIdidn’taskhertoexplainbecausewehadreachedtheboys'table.

Almostinstantly,Ivymadeabeelineformybrother.SinkingdownonJackson'slap,Ivydidn’thesitate

toplaceherlipsonhis.Ifthishadhappenedacoupleofweeksago,Iwouldhavefeltnauseated,butnot

anymore.Notsinceheraffectionsformybrotherprovidedtheperfectdistraction.Iwasabletoenjoy

staringandgawkingatmybrother'sbestfriendwithouthavingtoworryaboutbeingcaught.

EventhoughitwasJackson'sideaforNateandItoposeasgirlfriendandboyfriend,Iwasworried

thatoneofthesedayshewasgoingtoseerightthroughmyfaçadeandrealizethatIwasactuallyinlove

withhisbestfriend.ThethoughtofwhatJacksonwoulddoifheknewwastheonlythingthatkeptme

fromdeclaringmyfeelingstoNathan.

Placingmytraydownonthetableinfrontofme,myeyesimmediatelywenttoNate,whowas

watchingmewithahoodedgaze."Hey,"Iwhispered,bitingdownonmylip,unsureofwhattodonext.

Usually,Iwouldjustsitonhislap,buttodayIfeltawkwardanunsure.

Natestaredhardatmeforalongmomentbeforepushinghischairbackfromthetablewithhisfoot.

"Comehere,"heordered,eyesheated,ashepattedhisthigh.

Feelingweakattheknees,IeasedmyselfontoNathan'slap,mybreathhitchinginmythroatwhenIfelt

hishandclampdownonmywaist,meldingmetohim.

UnabletostopmyselfIsaggedagainsthischest,breathingquickly,feelingthatdelicioustingledeepin

mycoreagain.

"Areyouokay?"hewhispered,lipsbrushingagainstmyear.

Nottrustingmyselftospeak,Inoddedslowly,leaningfurtherintohim,wishingIcouldmoldmybody

tohisandhavehimneverletmego.

Battlingmyinnernerves,IforcedmyselftolookatNateandask,"Youdon’tregretme,doyou?"It

wasthequestionI'dbeenburningtoaskhimsincehehauledmeintohistrucklastnightanddeliveredme

hometoJacksonwithoutaword."Lastnight,"Iadded,blushing."DidI…"bitingdownonmylip,I

forcedmyselftobebraveandsayit."Wasitokay…didI…youknow,tasteokay?"

"What?"Nateliftedhischinandgapedatme."Tellmethisisn’taseriousquestion."

Iwasbeingveryserious,butIdidn’thaveachancetocontinuemyconversationwithNathanbecause

mybrotherchosethisexactmomentintimetosprayuswithwater.

"Getaroom,youtwo,"hesaidloudlywithadevilishwinkandnodofhishead.

OnlythendidInoticeDallasstandingafewfeetawayfromourtable,glaringdaggersatmeandNate.

JacksontrustedNathansomuchthathedidn’thaveadoubtinhismindthattherewasn’tanythinggoing

onbetweenus.

Inthatmoment,whenIlookedatmybrother,Ifeltasuddenpangofguilt.

Theyhadbeenbestfriendstheirentirelives.Icouldonlypraythatmyfeelingsformybrother'sbest

frienddidn’truintheirlifelongfriendship…

WhenlunchwasoverandIwaswalkingtowardsmynextclass,Ifeltahandgrabmyarmfrom

behind,pullingmetoanabruptstop.

Swingingaround,IlockedeyesonNatewhowaslookingdownatmewithaheatedexpression.

"Inevergottoansweryourquestion,"hegrowled,voicelowandthickashetookastepcloser,

backingmeupagainstthecoolmetallockers."Youaskedmeifyoutastedokay."Hepinnedmetothe

lockerswithhiships,surroundingmewithhishugeframe,makingmeweakfromhistouch."AndI've

beengoingoutofmymindeversince."

"I'msorry,"Ibreathed,unsureofwhattosay.Hewaspressedsoclosetome,hisbreathwasfanning

myface,andIhonestlyreckonedthatifNatetookastepbackfrommeinthismoment,Iwassureto

collapseinaheaponthefloor."I'venever…hadaboydothattome."Exhalingashakybreath,Ipressed

myhandagainsthischestandsagged."AndIknowyou'vebeenalotofgirls…soIwasjustwondering…"

"Youtastejustlikeyoulook,"herasped,pressinghisbrowtomine."Likefuckingperfection."

Exhalingaheavysigh,Natepressedahardkisstomyforeheadbeforesteppingawayandstridingoff

downthehallway,leavingmereelingafterhim.

****

ChapterSeven

AssoonasIgothomefromschoolonFriday,IretreatedtomyroomwhereIproceededtocomplete

somemuchneededrevisions.Imanagedtocatchuponmyhomeworkandevencompletethree

assignmentsthatweren'tduetobehandedinuntilnextweek.ItwaslateintheeveningwhenIfinally

camedownstairsandfixedmyselfdinner.

WhenIwasdone,Icheckedmysugarlevelsbeforebrewingmyselfacupofblackcoffeeand

retreatingtothecouchwithapaperbackbyoneofmyfavoriteauthors;HopeCarter.

Ihadjustgottencomfortablewhenmyfather'svoicefloodedmyearsandIcringed,immediatelyon

edge.

Secondslater,heenteredmyperipheralvisionashehurrieddownthestairs,cladinawell-fitting

tuxedo,followedbymymotherwhowasdressedtotheninesanddrapedindiamonds.

Bothintheirmid-thirties,CliveandLivwereundeniablyattractive.Dadwastallandbroadwith

brownhairthathadaslightdustingofgreyontop.Momwasexquisite.Smallandcurvaceous,shehadbig

blueeyesandlightblondehair.Theyweretooyoungtobetheparentsoftwoteenagers–bothinbodyand

inmind.They'dstartingdatingtheirjunioryearinhighschoolandDadhadknockedMomupwithJackson

bythetimetheygottosenioryear.Ifollowedayearlater.

Dad,havingcomefrommoney,marriedmom,whohadalsocomefromoldmoney,beforeshestarted

toshowwithJackson–notdaringtotainttheirpreciousfamilynames–andtherestisatoxichistory.

Theyweren'tinlove.Theydidn’tevenlikeeachother.Theywerealsoneverhomeforlong.

Halfofthetimetheydidn’tevensleephere–andImeantthatintheliteralsenseoftheword.Atleast

threeoffournightsoutoftheweek,myparentsweren'thome.

Heck,thiswasthefirsttimeI'dseenthemintwoweeks.

TheyeitherhadcompletefaithinmeandJacksonorelsethey'dsimplycheckedoutalongtimeago.

AsmuchasIlongedtobelievetheformer,Iknewthelattertobetrue.

IguessedthatwaswhyJacksonandIweresoclose.We'dbeenthrowntogetherwhenourparentshad

checkedoutonus,havingcometothestarkrealizationthatchildrenwereacomplicationtheycoulddo

without.

"YourfatherandIwon'tbebackuntilMonday,"Momannounced,dolingoutahurriedlistof

instructionsincaseweneededher.Therewasnoneed.Ihadn'tneededmymomsince2009.

Heck,shewasn’tevenathomeformetheweekIgotmyfirstperiod.

JacksonandNatewere.

Totallyfreakedoutbyitall,mybrotherandhisbestfriendhadcycledtothestoreandboughtmea

bunchofdifferentsizedtampons.IwasonlytenyearsoldandrememberedcryinginconsolablyasI

lookedatthoseweirdbulletshapedthingiesandwonderedwhatthehellIwassupposedtodowiththem.

Laterthatnight,NathanhadcomebackwithhisoldersisterKim,whosatmedownandgavemethe

talk–andabunchofsanitarypads.Beforethatnight,I'dlovedNathanCole,butafterwards,well,those

feelingsdeepenedandcementedinsideofme.Thisdirtylittleboyfromthewrongsideoftownhadcome

tomyrescue.

"Jackson!"DadbellowedupthestaircaseasheglancedathisRolexindismay."Getthehelldown

here,boy."

"What'supyourass?"Iheardmybrotherholler.

Ididn’tblamehimforthelackofrespecthehadforourparents,butIwouldbealiarifIsaidit

wasn’tawkwardashellwhenhespokedowntothem.EverytimeDadandJacksonwereinthesame

room,afighterupted.I'dlostcountofthenumberoftimesmyfatherhadthreatenedtothrowmybrother

out,butweallknewitwasn’ttrue.Ourfatherwouldn’tdreamofdisgracingourfamilybytossingJackson

tothecurb.

Afterall,weallhadaroletoplayinthisfamilyandJacksonhadhisdowntoafinetea.

Hewasthestarofthevarsityfootballteam.Hegotgoodgrades.Hewaspopularandlikedandareal

assettothefamily.TherewasabetterchanceofDadthrowingmeoutthanJackson.

AllIhadtodowaskeepmygradesgoodandmyreputationsqueakyclean.Noboyfriendsor

tarnishingtheDavisname.

Yeah,CliveandLivDavis'schildrenhadtobeperfect.

Theirson,thehandsomeall-rounderfootballheroandtheirdaughter,thesqueakycleanvirgin,who

onlyspokewhenshewasspokentoandkepthernoseinbooksandawayfromboys.

Itwasutterbullshit.

WhenJacksonreachedthebottomstep,helookedatbothourparentswithdisdain."Ohlook,"he

drawledsarcastically."Headingoutagain?What'sittonight?Aworkfunctionoraswingers'party?"

Frommyperchonthecouch,IheldmybreathandwatchedasDadstalkedstraightuptomybrother

andslappedhimacrosstheface."Don’tyouusethattonewithme,boy,"hehissed.

Ihatedwhenourfathercalledmybrotherboy.Hemeantitasaninsult.Likehewasinferior.You'd

swearIwastheoneDadhadhitbecauseofthewayIflinchedandthewhimperingnoisethattorefrommy

throat.

Jacksonneverflinched.Hedidn’tevenlookfazedasheglaredatourfathermenacingly."Hitme

again,oldman,"hetaunted."Seewhatyou'llget."Mybrotherwastallerandstrongerandeverythingour

fatherwasn’t.IhadnodoubtthatifDadwasrecklessenoughtolayanotherhandonJackson,hewould

layhimout.

"Boyhasnogoddamnrespectforanyone,"Dadsnarled,backingupafewfeet.Helookedtomy

motherthen."Thisisyourfault,"Dadaccused."Fuckingspoilingthem."

Jacksonscoffed."Yeah.Becausethat'swhatshedoes."

"Jackson,"Momchastised."Watchyourtone."

"Whatfuckingever."Shakinghisheadindisgust,Jacksonreadjustedthetowelaroundhiswaistbefore

walkingovertome.Sinkingdownontheplush,leathercouch,hepattedmykneeinreassurancebefore

kickinghislegsuponthecoffeetable."Yougood,Andy-Pandy?"heasked,tonesofterthantheonehehad

usedwhenspeakingtoourparents.

Inoddedandforcedasmile,butitdidn’tstick.NotwhenInoticedtheredblotchformingonmy

brother'scheek.

Myfather'shandprint,Irealized,anditmademefeelsicktomystomach.

"Iwantyoutostayintonightandwatchyoursister,"Iheardmyfathersay.

"Doyou?"Jacksonreplieddryly."Ohwellthen.Bettertakeherwithme."Turningtome,hewinked

andadded,"Youinthepartymood,littlesis?"

"Youlittleshit…"

"He'sjoking,Dad,"Iblurtedout,comingtomybrother'sdefense.Icouldn’tjustsitbackandlet

Jacksontakethebruntofourfather'sbadmood."We'rebothstayinginandwatchingNetflix,"Iadded,

feelinguneasy.

"I'vebeenhearingrumors,Adriana,"Dadsnarled."Rumorsthatyou'remessingaroundwithsomeboy

atschool."

"Lies,"Jacksonwasquicktodefend."Alllies."

"WasItalkingtoyou,boy?"Dadhissed,red-faced.

"Probablynot,"Jacksonshotback."ButI'msureashelltalkingtoyou."

Sniffing,myfathergloweredatthebothofusforalongmomentbeforeturningaroundandwalkingout

oftheroom,leavingjustMomwithus.

"Doyouhavetoantagonizehim?"Momhissed,glaringdaggersatJackson.

"Doyouhavetospeaktome?"Jacksonshotback,mimickinghertone,notbotheringtolookatour

mother.Pickinguptheremoteforthetelevision,heflickeditonandturnedthevolumeup,purposefully

drowningoutourmother'svoice.

WhileJacksonkepthiseyesontheflatscreen,Ikeptmineonhim."Areyouokay?"Iwhispered,

worried.

"Neverbetter,"Jacksonshotback,eyesstilllockedonthetelevisionscreen,buthisjawwasclenched

andhishandswereballedintofistsathissides.

Feelingtheneedtodosomething,Ileanedoverandwrappedmyarmsaroundmybrother'sneckand

heldontohimtightly.Hemutteredsomethingintelligibleunderhisbreathandpattedmyforearm.

ThefrontdoorslammedthenandIheardmymothersay,"Well,don’tyoulookhandsometonight."

IturnedsidewaysonthecouchandwatchedasNathanwalkedintotheroom.

"Mrs.Davis,"Nathanacknowledgedstiffly,lookinganywherebutmymother'sdirection.

Momwasright.

Infadedbluejeansandatightfittingblackshirt,Nathandidlookhandsome.Hishairwasstyledup

sexilyandhismusclesbulgedagainstthefabricofhisshirt.Theshortsleevesrevealedhisinkcovered

arms.

Nathan'sgazelandedonJacksonfirstandthenme.Hemusthaveseentheworryetchedonmyface

becauseawarenessshoneinhiseyes.

Heknew.

Movingtowardsthecouch,Nateimmediatelytookaseat,whichjustsohappenedtobenexttome.He

staredhardatthesidebrother'sfacebeforehiseyesmovedtomine,roamingoverme,obviouslylooking

toseeifIhadsufferedthesamefateasJackson.

"Liv!"Myfatherroaredashestalkedbackintothelivingroom.Hedidn’tbothertoacknowledge

Nathan.Hedidn’tevenlookinhisdirection.Myparent'sclassy,lovey-doveyfaçadedidn’textendtothe

residentsofRiverside.

Downthroughtheyears,Nathanhadplentyofinsightfulpeeksintoourreallives.

"Let'sgo."Turningtofaceusoncemore,Dadlookedatmeandsnarled,"Imeanit,girl.Notone

fuckingstepoutsidethishouse."

"Itoldyou,"myvoicewassmallandmeek."We'restayinginandwatchingNetflix."

"AndI'mtheKingoffuckingEngland,"Dadsneered."Iknowwhatthatshitheadofabrotherofyours

hasplanned,butyoubetternoteventhinkaboutleavingthishouse,Adriana."

Ifeltawarmhandtouchminethen,distractingmefrommyfather'svoice.

Startled,IlookeddownandsawNate'slargehandcoveringmine.Blinking,Ilookedupathim.He

wasstaringintomyeyeswithsuchheatandintensity,Ifeltmycheeksburn.

Hedidn’tletgoeither.

Asmyfathercontinuedtospeak,Natecontinuedtoholdmyhand,squeezingitgently,reassuringme.

"Whatthehelldoyouthinkyou'redoing,Cole?"Dadbellowed."Getyourdirty,fuckingtrailertrash

handsoffmydaughter."

"Whydon’tyoumakehim,"Jacksonshotbackcoolly,glaringatourfather.

"He'sgotnobusinesstouchingher."TurninghisattentiontoNate,Dadraisedhisfingerathim."Keep

yourhandstoyourself,boy."Dadturnedaroundtoleave,butcamebackagain."IfIfindoutyou'vebeen

messingaroundwiththispieceofshit;Iwillshipyouofftoboardingschoolsofastyourfeetwon'ttouch

theground."DadtookanothersteptowardsmethenandIfeltNatebristlebesideme.

"Walkaway,"Natesaidinadeathlycoldtone."Now."

"Noonelikesaslut,Adriana,"myfatherannouncedwithfinalityandNathan'shandsqueezedmineso

tightlyIalmostcried.

Immediately,Jacksonwasonthedefense.Jerkingoffthecouch,stillholdinghistowel,hestalkedover

toourdadandglareddownathim."Callmysisterawhoreonemoretime,"heseethed.Leaningdown,he

pressedhisforeheadagainstDad's."AndI'llrearrangeyourfuckingteeth."

MybreathcaughtinmythroatasIwatchedmybrotherandfather'sstaredown.

Dadobviouslysawsomethinginmybrother'seyes,apromiseorsomething,becauseheturnedaround

abruptlyandwalkedoutofthehousewithmymotherrushingafterhim.

Noneofusspokeaworduntilthesoundofthefrontdoorslammingbrokethesilence.

Afterthat,allhellbrokeloose.

Nathanleaptupfromthecouchandchargedformybrotherwhohadrippedthephotosoffawalland

wasnowpoundinghisfistsagainstsaidwall,crackinghugefist-shapedholesintheplaster.

"Jackson,quitit,"Nateordered.Wrappinghisarmaroundmybrother,Natedraggedhimroughlyaway

fromthewall,walkinghimtowardsthestaircase."Getyourassupstairsandgetdressed,"headded.

"He'snotworthbreakingyourhand,man."

"I'mgoingtokillhim,"Jacksonseethed,chestheaving.Hisblueeyesflashedwithrage."Iswearto

fuck,Nate.Oneofthesedays,Iamgoingtokillthatworthlesspieceofshit."

WhenJacksonretreatedupthestairs,Nathanturnedandlookedatme."Areyouokay?"Hisvoicewas

softerthannormal.Adeepfrownwassetonhisfaceashestaredatme."Didhe…hurtyou?"

Ishookmyhead."JustJackson."AlwaysJackson...

Noddingstiffly,Nathanturnedaroundandrushedupthestairsaftermybrother.

Pausingonthetopstep,Nathanturnedaroundlookedatme."It'sgoingtobeokay,Andi."

Iwasn’tsurewhyheevensaidthat,buthelookedatmewithsuchaworriedexpressionthatIforceda

smile."Okay."

Nathanhoveredatthetopofthestairsforawhilelonger,lookingpained.Ididn’tknowwhy.Heknew

ourfatherwasajerkandourmotherspineless.Noneofwhathappenedtonightwassurprising.Butyou'd

swearthatitwasbylookingatNathan.

"I…"heclearedhisthroatandtriedagain."I…"

"Yo,Andi-Pandy!"Jackson'svoiceboomedthroughthehouse,muchlighterthanafewminutesago.

"Getyourassuphere."

"Why?"Iasked,alreadyonmyfeetandmovingforthestaircase.

"Becauseyou'recomingoutwithus,"JacksoninformedmewhenIreachedthetopofthestairs.

Poppinghisheadoutofhisbedroom,helookedatmeandgrinned,eyesdancingwithmischief."Ithink

it'sabouttimeyouwereintroducedtoyourfirstparty."

Nathanstiffenedbesideme."Ithinkthat'saverybadidea."

"Ithinkit'safuckingawesomeidea,"Jacksonshotback,stillgrinning."What'd'yasay,Andi?Feellike

goingtoapartytonight?"

"ButDadsaid…"

"FuckwhatDadsaid,"Jacksonhissed,saunteringoutofhisbedroom,fullydressednowandwithhis

handsinhishair."FuckMom,too,"headdedashegelledhishair."You'reseventeenyearsold,Adriana.

Ifyouwanttogotoagoddamnparty,thenyou'regoing.Screwwhattheythink."

"Icanstaybehind,"Nateoffered."Ifyou'reworriedaboutleavingheralone."Shrugging,headded,

"I'mtryingtoavoidDallasanyway.Youknowshewon'tleavemethehellalonethesedays."

Igrimacedinside;thesoundofDallas'snameonhislipsbroughtasourtastetomymouth.

"Evenbetter."Jacksongrinnedlikeamaniac."Youtwocanputyourfakerelationshiptothetestwith

yourfirstparty."

****

WhenJacksonleftonapre-partybeerrun,Irushedintomyroomtoshowerandchange.Eventhough

I'djustshoweredanhourago,Ineededanotherone;thistimeacoldone.

Layingoutacutebeigebodyconstyledressonmybed,Idoveintotheshowerandforcedmyselfto

calmtheheckdown.WhattheheckwasIthinking?Thiswasabsolutelyinsane.Myfatherwouldkillmeif

hefoundout…butIcouldn’tnotgrabtheopportunitytospendtimewithNathan.

Aloudknockonmybedroomdoorstartledmefrommythoughts.Switchingoffthewater,Isprangout

oftheshowerandwrappedatowelaroundmyselfbeforepaddingintomyroom,halfexpectingtosee

Jackson.

"Nate?"Isquealedwhenmyeyeslandedonhim.Hewasstandingatthefootofmybed,holdingmy

dressinhishandssotightlyIthoughthewasgoingtoripthefabric.Icouldn’trememberthelasttimeI

hadlookedatNathanColeandnotfeltaknotinmystomach.

"ThatbelongstoIvy,"Iheardmyselfexplain.I'dborroweditfromherlastmonthwiththeintentionof

wearingittooneofAlternativeKiss'sgigsinoneoftheundertwenty-oneclubsintown,buthadn'tbeen

allowedtogo.

"You'renotgoingoutinthis,"Nathansnarled,tighteninghisholdonmyborroweddress."Find

somethingelse,orbetterstill,don’tcome."

HurtandconfusionencompassedmeasIgapedathim.

Whattheheck...

"Butwe…"MyvoicebrokeoffandIshookmyheadbeforetryingagain."Ithoughtyouwantedme…

tobeyourfakegirlfriend?"Wewereintimate…

"Actually,thatwasJackson'sidea,"Natecounteredcoolly."Andahorribleoneatthat."Shakinghis

head,heturnedandglaredatme."Justforgetitandstayathometonight,okay?"

Whywashedoingthistome?

Blowingcoldagain…

"No,"Iheardmyselfsay."ItoldJacksonIwouldgo,andI'mgoing."

Natesneered."Youknowifhefindsout,Jacksonwillgetthebruntofit.Youdon’tbelongatthose

parties,Andi.Sojuststayaway."

"Whycan'tyoujustacceptme?"Idemanded,flinchingfromhiscruelwords."Whydoyoualways

havetopushmeaway,Nathan?"Itookasteptowardshim.Hedidn’tmove."Wewerefriendsforso

long!"Myvoicewastrembling,butIcontinuedtowalktowardshim."Andnowyouactlikeyoucan't

standtobenearme.Why,huh?Whydon’tyouwanttobenearme?"

Nate'seyesbuggedinhishead.Hisfaceturnedadeepshadeofredandhelookedlikehewantedto

screaminmyface.HeopenedhismouthandIwaited,bothanxiousanddesperatetohearwhathehadto

sayforhimself.

"Nogirlfriendofminegoesoutnaked,"hefinallyreplied,jawclenched,voicestrained."Ifyouwanna

playthisgamethenyouplaybymyrules."Withthat,Nateturnedandstormedoutofmybedroom–with

mydressintow.

*****

ChapterEight

IwasstillfeelinghurtandrejectedwhenwepulledupoutsideDJ'shouseanhourlater,butrefusedto

allowNathan'smoodswingsstopmeenjoyingmyself.Infact,Iwasdeterminedtomakethebestof

tonight.WhoknewwhenIwouldhaveanothershotatoneofthesethings?

"Couldyoutwotryandactlikeacouple?"mybrothergrowledaswewalkedtowardsthehouse.JD

wasinJackson'sgrade.Hisfamily,likeours,werefilthyrichandresidedonahugeranchfivemilesout

oftown.Itwasagoodten-minutewalkfromwherewehadparkedtothehouseandNathanwassilentand

broodingeverystepoftheway.

PretendinglikeIdidn’tnotice,Iwrappedmyarmsaroundmyselfandconcentratedonthebeautiful

lineoftreestomyleft.Iwouldgiveanythingtohaveanactualforestinmybackgarden.Itwasso

romantic,soethereallybeautiful.

"Wow,"Jacksondrawled,lookingbackatus."Youtwolookpositivelylovedup,"headded

sarcastically,obviouslynotingthefactthattherewasatleastthreefeetbetweenourbodies."Damn,Nate.

Holdherhandorsomething."

Reluctantly,Nathanmovedtomysideandalmosthesitantlytookmyhandinhis.

Ishiveredthemomenthetouchedme,thoughItriedhardnottoletitshow.

Heheldmyhandlikeakid–palmstouching.

Itwasjustonemoreblowtomyalreadydeflatedego,butIdidn’tsayaword.

Icouldn’tfigurehimout.Heblewhotoneminuteandthenarcticcoldthenext.

"That'sbetter,"Jacksonannouncedcheerfullywhenwereachedthefrontdoor."Now,lovebirds,let's

roll."

Hesmellslikecologneandsoap…ThatwasallIcouldthinkasNathanledmeintothehouse.His

skinwaswarmandhesmelledamazing.Andhewasstrongtoo.Hisbody,whenhebrushedagainstme,

washardandripped.

Mycheeksflushedfrombeinginsuchcloseproximitytohim.

"Omigod,omigod,And,youcame!"Ivy'svoicefilledmyearsandIjumped,startledfrommylust

drivendaydreams.

Barrelingthroughthecrowd,Ivythrewherarmsaroundmethemomentshereachedus."Ican't

believeyouactuallycame."

"Meeither."Steppingback,Ilookedherupanddownandgrinned."Wow."Ivylookedstunning.

Dressedinasimplewhitesummerdressthatfellmid-thigh,shelookedlikeanangel.

IimmediatelycastaglareatNathanwhowasstillhoveringbesideme–andstillholdingmyhand.It

washisfaultIlookedlikeagrannyinafull-length,lightbluemaxidress,andachunkyknitcardigan.The

onlypartofmybodyondisplayweremytoesastheypeekedoutofmyflip-flops.

Jerk…

"Areyoutwo…"Ivy'seyeswidenedasshewaggledherbrows."Togethernow?"shesquealed."Like

together,together?"

NathanlookedatJacksonandthenbackatIvy."WhatcanIsay,"hesaidinatonelacedwithsarcasm.

Thehandthathadbeenholdingmineslippedtomywaistline."I’vealwayshadathingforblondes."

"Well,good!"Ivygleamed."Becauseshe'sbeenin–"

"It'sanact,"Iremindedher,forcingthemiseryoutofmyvoice.

"Inneedofadecentmaninherlife,"Ivyfilledinsmoothly.

Isaggedinrelief.

Noneedtohumiliatemetwiceinonenight.

WrappinghisarmaroundIvy'swaist,Jacksonpulledhercloseandpressedakisstohercheek."Come

andtakeawalkwithme,"hecoaxed,tuggingmybestfriendoffintheoppositedirection."Let'sleave

theselovebirdstoit."

"You'reoffthehooknow,"IsaidbrightlywhenJacksonandIvywereoutofsight,releasinghishand.

"KnowingJackson,he'llbegoneforawhile."Shrugging,Iadded,"Iknowthisisn’tyouridea,Nate.I'm

notexpectingyoutospendyournightwithme."NotwhenIknewhecouldhardlystandtospendatwenty-

minutecarridetogether…

Natecockedabrow."YouthinkI'mgonnaleaveyouhereonyourown?"

"Well…yeah."He'dmadehisfeelingsonmeattendingthispartyperfectlyclear.IexpectedNathanto

abandonmethemomentJacksonwasoutofsight.

Iwaswrong.

DoingtheoppositeofwhatIexpected,Natereclaimedmyhandandthistimeheentwinedourfingers.

"Well,youobviouslydon’tknowmeaswellasIthought."

"Ijustthought…"Iwasn’tsurewhatIthought,butwhenNatetightenedhisholdonmyhand,and

pulledmeinfrontofhischestitfeltbetterinreallifethanithadinanyofmydreams.

Hewalkedusintothekitchen,keepingmeclose.Havinghimthisclosetome,touchingmeintimately

likethis,well,itcausedmybodytotremble.

Whenwereachedaquietareabythesink,Natestoodwithhisbacktothecounterandpulledmeinto

hischest.

"Whatareyoudoing?"Iheardmyselfsaywhenhewrappedhisarmsaroundmymidsection.

"WhatdoyouthinkI'mdoing?"Hisvoicewaslow,gruff,andmakingmeweak."You'remygirlfriend,

aren’tyou?Atleastfortonight,"headded,tonebitternow."Look,Idon’tknowhowtodo…fake,"hesaid

inalowtone,mouthclosetomyear."So,I'mjustgonnadome."

"Okay."Tentatively,IcoveredthehandNatehadpressedtomystomachwithmyownandletouta

shudder.Thiswasalmosttoomuch.

Musicwasblastingfromtheamplifiersthatwerestackedupoutside.Themusicwasloud,thebass

wasvibratingthroughme,andstillIcouldhearmypulsehammeringlikeadrum.

"You'reshaking,"Natestated,duckinghismouthtomyearoncemore.

"I'mnervous,"Irepliedhonestly.Icouldfeelseveralpairsoneyesonusandmybodytemperaturehad

spiked.

"Becauseofme?"heasked,tonehuskyandraw.

"Becauseofeverything."

"Comeon,then."Steppingaroundme,Natecaughtholdofmyhandandledmethroughthecrowds

overtoatableladendownwithalcohol."Steerclearofanyofthese,"heinstructed,pointingtoseveral

differentbrandedbottlesofbeer."Stickwithvodka."ReachingforaDixiecup,Natepouredsomevodka

intothecupandthenaddedalargedollopoftonicwater."Here."Hehandedmethecupbeforeretrieving

abottleofbeerforhimself."Shouldn’tmesswithyourbloodsugars."

"Howdoyouknowthis,Nate?"Iasked,takenabackbyhisthoughtfulness,cupfrozeninmyhand.

"BecauseIknowyou,"herepliedgrufflybeforetakingaswigoffromhisbottle.

Withmyhandstillfirmlygraspingthecup,IwatchedNathanwatchme,completelyunsureofwhatto

sayordo.

MythroatfeltsotightIdidn’tthinkIcouldswallowasip,soIsimplystoodthere,staringupatthe

boywhoI'dbeenfantasizingmywholelifeabout.Natedrankanotherthreewholebottlesofbeerbefore

hespokeagain.

"Youwannadance?"Slamminghisemptybeerbottledownonthetable,hetookasteptowardsme."I

thinkweshoulddance,"headdedthickly."Youknow…keepupappearancesandallthat."

SelenaGomez'sComeandGetitwasplayingandIfoundmyselflookingintoNathan'sdarkbrown

eyesandnoddingwordlessly.

Reachingout,NateplacedhishandsonmyhipsandtuggedmesothatIwasflushagainsthim.

Instantly,mybodybegantotremblewithwant.Ifeltmyselfgopliantinhisarmsandhadtoforcemyself

nottoclosemyeyeswhenhishandmovedtomylowerback,fingersbrushingdangerouslyclosetothe

curveofmybutt.

Hewassoclose,hissmell,hishands,hisbody…

"HowamIdoing?"heaskedwithagruffvoice.Turningmeinhisarms,Natepulledmeupagainsthis

chest,thrustinghishipsagainstmyassashishandsclampeddownonmyhips."DoImakeagoodfake

boyfriend?"heaskedbeforedroppingakisstothebaseofmyneck.

"You'reagoodactor,"Iheardmyselfwhisper,leaningbackwardsandintohisstrongarms.Ihadno

ideahowthishadescalatedorifNatewaskissingmyneckjusttomakeouractlookbelievable,buthe

wasstakingaclaimonmerighthereinthemiddleoftheparty."Areallygoodactor."Ididn’tcareifit

waspretendornot;itmademefeelmorewantedthanIhadinmyentirelife.Iwasn’tacting.Iwas

enjoyingeverysecondofbeinginhisarmsandhavinghislipsonmyskin.

"CanIspeaktoyouforminute,Nate?"DallasHollowaystoodinfrontofus,andbeinginthepresence

ofherbeautyimmediatelymademeretractintomyshell.

Withhairasblackasnight,atall,leanfigure,andlegsthatwentonfordays,Dallaswaspainfully

beautiful.Shehadanexoticlookandeverythingabouthermademefeelinferior.Knowingthatshehad

beenscrewingtheobjectofmyaffectionsforthepasttwoyearsdidn’thelpmatterseither.

"Nope,"Natesneered,tighteninghisholdonme."Runalongnow."

"Forreal?"shelaughed,butitdidn’tdisguisethehurtinhervoice."Wehadtwoyearstogetherand

youwon'tgivemeaminuteofyourtime?"

"WhywouldI?"heshotback,slurringslightly."Soyoucouldfuckmeoveragain?"Nateshookhis

head."No.Idon’tthinkso."

"Soit'sgoingtobelikethat,isit?"shedemanded."Twoyearsfornothing?"

"Exactly,"Nateshotback."Yougotitinone.Now,ifyoudon’tmind.Pleasefuckoffoutofmylife."

"YouhonestlythinkIbelieveyou'rescrewingCliveDavis'sdaughter?"Dallascockedabrowin

distaste."Evenyouaren’tthatstupid."

"I'mnotscrewingher,"Nateshotback,almostsqueezingmetodeath."I’mdatingher."

"Datingher,"Dallasdeadpannedbeforeburstingintoafitoflaughter."She'snotallowedtodateand

youdon’tdate,NathanCole.You–"

"Thingschange,"Nathanshotbackcoolly.

Weweren'tdancinganymore.

Infact,Ididn’tthinkanyonewasdancing.

Alleyeswereonus.

"Oh,mygod,"Dallaschimed."Thisisclassic."Turningherattentiontome,shesmiledasshelooked

meupanddown."Youmighthavehimfooledhoney,withyourbigblueeyesandblondepigtails,but

onceherealizesthere'sanimpenetrablefortressblockingwhat'sbetweenyourlegs,he'llgetbored."

"Leaveusalone,Dallas,"Imuttered.Iwasn’tthefightingtype.Iwasallergictodramaandtriedto

avoiditatallcosts."I'mnotgoingtoarguewithyou."AndIdidn’thavepigtails.Ihadabraid.Those

weretwoverydifferenthairstyles.

Ifeltself-consciousnow.Reallyself-conscious.

DidIlooklikeachild?

WasDallasright?

WasthatwhyNathanhadneverlookedatmethewayIhadalwayswantedhimto?

"Hemightthinkyou'retheshitrightnow,honey,"shecontinuedtotaunt."Prettylittlefresh-faced

virgin,butoncehegetswhathewants,he'llcomebacktome."

"Nevergonnahappen,"Nathangrowled."Nowwalkaway."

IwatchednervouslyasDallasscowledatusoncemorebeforeturningaroundanddisappearingback

intothecrowd.

"Damn,"Natemuttered,lettingoutasigh."Thatgirlislikeafuckingbadpenny."

"Willyou?"Iasked,turninginhisarmstolookupathisface.

Hefrowned."WillIwhat?"Hishandsmovedtomywaistautomatically.

"Gobacktoher?"Iheldmybreathandwaitedforhisanswer.

ConfusionwasetchedalloverNate'sface."Andi,I'mnotfollowingyou."

Feelingbrazenandwildlyreckless,Ireacheduponmytiptoes.Withtremblinghands,Iwrappedmy

armsaroundhisneckandpressedakisstothecornerofhismouth.

Immediately,Natejerkedhisfaceawayfromme."Whatthehellareyoudoing?"hegrowled,voice

low,asheheldmyhandsinhis.

"I'msorry,Ijustthoughtthataftertheothernight…"Isearchedmybrainandcameupempty."I'm

sorry,"Irepeatedlamely."IthoughtyouwantedtomakesureDallasleftyoualone."Shamecreptthrough

meandmyconsciencescreamedliar.Ihadn'tdonethatforanyotherreasonthanIwantedto.Ineededto.

"Andi,"Nate'svoicewasstrainedwhenhespoke."Youcan'tdothatagain."Aveininhisneckticked

ashestareddownatme."Imeanit,"headded,jawclenched."I'mnotkissingyouforafuckinggame."

Atsunamiofrejectioncoursedthroughme.

Nathan,noticingthehurtinmyeyes,letoutastringofcursewords."Andi,shit.Wait.Ididn’tmean

thatthewayitcameout…"

"No,it'stotallyfine."HoldingmyhandupinfrontofNatetokeephimatbay,Ishookmyheadbefore

quicklyrushingoutoftheroom,desperatetogetaway."Ineedtherestroom."

SpottingIvyinthefoyerwithJackson,Imadeabeelineforherandsnatchedherawayfrommy

brother."Youneedtohelpme,"ImutteredasItookherarmanddraggedherdownthecorridortowards

thebathroom.

"Whatthehell?"IvylookedatmelikeIwasacrazywoman."Areyouokay?"

"Hedoesn'twantme,"Iwhisperedoncewewereinside.

"Who?"Ivydemanded."Nathan?"WhenInoddedglumly,Ivymadepshhingnoise."Girl,please.That

boyhasbeenlookingatyoulikehewantstoeatyouup–again."

"Thenwhyhasn’the?"Iheardmyselfwhine.

"Iknewthisfakegirlfriendshitwasabadidea,"Ivygrowled."It'stoohardonyou.Youshouldhave

saidno,Andi."

"Ididn’twanttosayno,Ives."Bangingthebackofmyheadagainstthedoor,Iletoutafrustrated

growl."IwantNatesobadly,"Iadmitted."EverytimeI'mnearhimIfeellikeI'mgoingtoexplode!"

"Thenmakethefirstmove,"shesuggested.

"Itried,"Imuttereddejectedly."Hestoppedme."

"Thentryharder,"sheurgedwithawink."Usewhatgodgaveyouandwomanup,dammit!"

"Thenmakemelooklikeawoman,"Iblurtedout.Igesturedtomyattireandsighed."Ineedtolook

sexy."

Ivyrolledhereyes."Newsflash,Andi.Youaresexy."

"No,I'mcute.Ineedtolooksexy,"Icorrected."Please,Ivy.I'llbegifIhaveto."

****

ChapterNine

WhenIreturnedtothekitchen,Imovedwithaspringinmystep,feelingbetterthanwhenI'drunin

there.Withmybraidundone,myhairfelltomywaist,longandslightlywavy.Ivyappliedsomeofher

makeuponmyface,paintingmylipsaplushredandI'dremovedmychunkyknitcardigan,leavingitinthe

bathroom,daringtobarealittleskininmystraplessmaxi-dress.

IhadaswaggerinmystepaftermypeptalkwithIvy.

Iwasn’tabouttoletDallasHollowaybullymearoundtonight.

NotwhenIwasonmyveryfirstdatewithNathan,albeitafakedate,butadateallthesame.

WhenIwalkedbackintotheroom,Ididn’tletthestaresbotherme.

Walkingwithpurpose,Imovedthroughthecrowds,eyessetononeperson.

WhenNatenoticedme,hisbrowsshotupinsurprise.Thebottleofbeerhe'dbeensippingremained

pressedtohislowerlipashiseyesrakedoverme.

Hewasfrowning,likehecouldn’tfiguremeout.

BeforeIhadachancetochickenout,Iforcedmylegstomovetowardshim.

IwashalfwaytherewhenIrealizedhewasn’talone.Dallaswasstandingtohisleftwithherarms

crossedandherfacesetinadeeppout.Theywereobviouslyarguingaboutsomething.

Me,Ithoughttomyself,andinstantlymycourageevaporated.

Amultitudeofconfusingemotionswerewhatledmeovertothetableladendownwithalcohol,butit

wastheneedtoforgetthatmademedrink.Ibrowsedthroughthemanybottlesbeforesettlingonvodka.

EventhoughI'dneverdranksomuchasadropofwineinmylife,ItrustedNathanwhenhesaidvodka

wasasafebetformydiabetes.GrabbingaDixiecup,Ifilleditupandaddedasplashoftonicwater.

Themomentthealcoholtouchedthebackofmythroat,Isplutteredandgagged."Ohmygod,"Ichoked

out,glaringatmycuplikeitwasthedevilindisguise."Whydopeopledothistothemselves?"

"Becausewe'regluttonsforpunishment,"afamiliarvoicesaidfrombehindmeandIjumped.

IswungaroundandsmiledwhenIrecognizedthebrownhairedboywhowassmilingatme."Oh,hey,

Brad,"Iacknowledgedwithasmileandatipofmycup.

"It'sweirdtoseeyouhere,"hesaidwithasmileasheknockedbackhisdrink."Thoughtyoudidn’t

cometothesethings?"

"Oh,well,"Ichuckled."Thingschange,Iguess."Feelingnervous,Ifinishedoffmydrinkandquickly

pouredanother.Asthealcoholfloodedmyveins,IfeltmybodyloosenupasIfellintoconversationwith

Brad.Usually,Iwassociallyawkward,butIfounditrefreshinglyeasytotalktoBrad.Hewasfunnyand

familiarandkeptarespectabledistancefrommeatalltimes.

Myeyesglazedover,theroombegantospin,andIquicklyrealizedthatIwasdrunk.

"Here,"Bradchuckled,severaldrinkslater,ashethrustaredDixiecupintomyhandandsmiled."Try

this."

Iraisedthecuptomynoseandsniffed."Ohmygod,"Islurred,laughing."Whattheheckisinthat?"

"It'smyownpersonalinvention,"Bradslurredback,laughing.

"Whoa,whoa,whoa,"afamiliarvoicecamefrombehindmejustasIwasabouttotakeasip.Alarge

tannedarmcamearoundmeandswipedthecupfrommyhand.Nathanraisedthecuptohislipsandtook

asipbeforeshovingthecupbackatBrad."She'sdiabetic,asshole,"hesnarled."Thisisloadedwithrum

andcoke.Whatthefuckareyoutryingtodo–putherinacoma?"

Bradpaled,soberingquickly."Ididn’tthink."Holdinghishandsupinretreat,hetookawobblystep

backfromus."I'msorry."Hiseyesflickeredtome."Andi,I'msosorry."

"HernameisAdriana,"Nathancorrected,standingalmostentirelyinfrontofme.Hereekedof

cigarettesandbooze."Andyouwillbefuckingsorry,"Natehiccupped,pointingafingeratBrad."Ifyou

don’tbackthefuckupfrommygirlfriend."

"Whydidyoudothat?"IhissedwhenBradhadscamperedoffintothecrowd."Hewasonlybeing

nicetome."

"Nice,"Nathansneered,pressinghimselfclosetome.Icouldsmellthealcoholonhisbreath.Itwas

makingmedizzy."HisnicenesscouldhavelandedyouintheICU."

"Areyoudrunk?"Iasked,feelingdizzyfromthestenchofalcoholwaftingfromhisbreath.Iwas

drunk.Icouldfeelitinmybones,butNathanwasthreesheetstothewind.

"Idon'tknow,"Natedrawled.Hewasdefinitelyslurringhiswords."Whydon’tyouaskthatcrazy

bitch,Tequila."Exhalingheavily,headded,"Forcedherselfdownmythroat."Frowningheadded,

"Wouldn’ttakenoforananswer."

"God,Nate,"Iwhispered."You'rewasted."

"S'allyourfault,"hemumbled.

"How'sitmyfault?"

"It'salwaysyourfault,"hegrumbled,stunningmewhenhepickedupastrandofmyhairandrubbedit

betweenhisfingers."Soft,"hemuttered,releasingmyhair."Why'dyouhavetobesofuckingsoft,Andi?"

"Youneedtostopdoingthis,"Iwhispered,feelingconfusedandembarrassed.Icouldn’thandlethis.

Thesesignalshewassendingmeweremessingwithmyhead

"Stopdoingwhat?"hedemanded,suddenlyangry."Lookingoutforyou?Ifyouwantadrink,Iwillget

youadrink,"headded."Youdon’tacceptitfromsomestrangeguy,Andi."

"Brad'sinmyHistoryclass,"Ireplied."Andhe'smylabpartnerinbio.He'shardlyastranger,and

he'salwaysbeenkindtomeatschool."

"Oh,that'salrightthen,"Nateshotbacksourly.Takingmyhand,heallbutdraggedmethroughthe

crowdinthedirectionofthebooze.

Whenwereachedthetable,hegrabbedafreshcupandfilleditwithvodka."Here,"heslurred.

Thrustingthecupintomyhand,hegrabbedabottleoftonicwaterandpouredthatintoo,spillingitover

thesides."Youwannagetbuzzed,thenyoudoitonmywatch."

Unsureofwhattodo,Istoodtherewiththecupinmyhand,lookingupatNathan'sscowlingface."Is

thisatrick?"Iheardmyselfask.

"Atrick?"Nathancockedabrow."Whywouldthisbeatrick?"

"Becauseyouwerejustmadatmefordrinkingandnowyou'regivingmemore…"Hiccupping,I

lookedupatNate."Idon’tgetit."

"No,"Nateslurred.Droppingahandtomyhip,hedrewmeclosetohim."Iwasmadatthatprickfor

almostpoisoningyou.Idon’thaveaproblemwithyoudrinking.Ihaveaproblemwithyoudoingitwhen

I'mnotaround."Duckinghisfacelow,hewhisperedinmyear,"Icankeepyousafe."Hewasrubbingmy

back.Hishandwasmovingdangerouslylow…almostcuppingmybutt."You'retoogoodforhim,Andi,"

headded.Ohyeah,hewascuppingmybuttnow…withhishand!

CarlyRaeJepson'sIReallyLikeYouwasblastingfromoneoftheampssetupinthehouseandIfelt

likecrying.Shewassingingthewordsofmyliferightnow.

"Whycan'tIkissyou?"Iblurtedout,voicetorn.Nathan'sbrowsshotupandhiseyesdarkened."IfI'm

yourgirlfriendforthenightthenIthinkIdeserveakiss."

"Andi,you'redrunk,"Natebitout,voicestrained."Fuck,I'mdrunk."

"Youweren'tdrunkinyourbedroom,"Ishotbackbravely."AndneitherwasI."

Takingmyarm,Natedraggedmeoutofthekitchenandstraightthroughthefoyertothefrontdoor.

"Youdon’treallywantme,"hetoldmeoncewewereoutside.Withhishandstillfirmlyclaspingmyarm,

hewalkedusdownthelongstretchoflawntowardsthetrees."It'sthevodkatalking."

"You'rewrong,"Icorrectedhim.Ihadnoideawhereweweregoing,butwewerefinallyalonesoI

keptwalking."Well,you'rerightaboutthedrunkpart,"Iadded,wipingthecornerofmymouthwithmy

thumb."Butnotthewantingpart."Stoppinginfrontofahugeoak,Ileanedmyhipagainstthetrunkand

sigheddeeply."Ireally,reallywantyou…"

"WhatkindofafakeboyfriendwouldIbeifItookadvantageofyou?"heslurredasaslowsmile

creptacrosshisface.

"Thegoodkind,"IgrinnedasIplacedmyhandsonhisfaceandpulledhismouthdowntomine.

Themomentourlipstouched,awhitehotfeelingofheat,fire,andrawdesireburstthroughme,

causingeverythingsouthofmynaveltoclenchandthrob.

"Andi…"Nathancranedhisneckbackfarenoughtolookintomyeyes.Hishandscoveredmineashe

staredatme.Icouldseetheconfusioninhisglassedovereyes–andthedesire."Whatareyoudoingto

me?"

EveryinchofmybodytrembledandshookasIlookedintohiseyesandwhispered,"I'mplayingyour

game,Nate."Myvoicewasthickandhusky."It'swhatyouaskedmetodo,right?Beyourgirlfriendfor

thenight?"

"No,"hegrowled.Turningusquickly,Ifeltmybackhitthetrunkofthetreesecondsbeforehiswarm

handcuppedmycheek."Damn,Andi…"

Mybodywasonfullalert,andmyhearthadneverhammeredsofastagainstmyribcageasIwatched

himwatchme."IfiguredsinceI'myourgirlfriendforthenight,wemightaswellmakethemostofit…"I

letmyvoicetrailoff.

"You'renotagametome,Andi,"heshotbackhuskily."Iwon'tplaygameswithyou."Histhumb

trailedacrossmybottomlipandIfeltmybodysag."I'mdrunkandI'mweak."Hesaggedagainstme.

"Don’tfuckingexpectmetobeyourprincecharmingtonight."Lettingoutagrowl,hehissed,"Ibarely

stoppedmyselflasttime…"

"Ididn’twantyoutostopthelasttime."Mytonguesnakedouttotouchhim,totastehim."Idon’twant

youtostopthistime."

"Stoplookingatmelikethat,"hewhisperedinapainedvoiceasherolledhiships,thrustingagainst

me.Instinctively,mybodyreturnedthemove,grindingagainsthim,welcominghim.

"Likewhat?"Ibreathed,rockingagainsthimnow.Hisbodywascoveringmine,pressingmeagainst

thetreeandstillitwasn’tenough.

Hegroanedanddroppedhisheadtomine."LikeyouwantthisalmostasbadlyasIdo."

"Ido,"Iadmitted."Iwantyou.I'mdonebeinggood,Nate.Iam.Ijustwantyou…"

"Don’tfuckingteaseme,Andi,"hisvoicewasthickandraw."Don’tplaywithme.Notaboutthis."

"I'mnot,"Igasped,feelingsomuchforhimthatIwantedtocry."Iwantyou.Allofyou.Whatever

you'rewillingtogiveme–"

Ididn’tfinishthequestion–Icouldn't–becauseNathan'stonguewassuddenlyinmymouth,hot,hard

andrelentless.Theweightofhisbodywaspressingmetothetree,thefeelofhiserectiongrindingagainst

mythighashemovedagainstme,leavingmebreathlesswithkissesandwantingmore.

Wantingsomuchmore…

Withasighmixedwithlonging,lust,andpurewant,Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhisneckandpressed

mybodytohis.I'dneverdoneanythinglikethisbefore,hadneverevenkissedaboy,buteverythingabout

thisboyscreamedyes.

Thesecondheslippedahandbetweenmylegs,agrowltorefromthebackofNathan'sthroatandmy

wholebodyignitedinfire–anachingofdesperationanddesirethrummedlowinmybelly.

Icouldhearmyselfmoaningloudlyagainsthislips,cryingouthisnamelikearavinglunatic,andI

knewIneededtobequiet,buthefeltsogoodandmadeeveryinchofmybodyprickleandburn.I

couldn’tthinkstraight.Icouldn’tthink,period.

NathanwasaboyfromRiverside,oneoftheuntouchables,andyetIwaswillingtolethimtouch

everypartofme.Hehadrough,callousedfingers,andIlovedeverythingabouthim.Hissmiles.Hisface.

Hismoodswings.Thesoundofhisgruntsandgroanscausedmyentirebodytoigniteinahotflush.

Hefuckedmymouthwithhistongue,stakingaclaimonme,brandingmehis,asherubbedmeoverthe

fabricofmydress.Itwasn’tenough.Ineededmore.

HormoneshadtakencontrolofmybodyandwerethereasonwhyIwaspullingatNate'sbeltbuckle

frantically.Whimperingindesperation,Ituggedonthebuckleoncemore,prayinghewouldtakethehint.

Finally,hedid.

Releasingmybottomlipwithaloudpop,Natestaggeredbackfrommejustlongenoughtoundohis

beltandfly.

Reclaimingthespacehe'dputbetweenus,hethrusthimselfagainstmeashereacheddownand

grabbedtheskirtofmydress.

Withhismouthonmineonceagain,Natebunchedthefabricinhisfistsanddraggeditupwards,baring

myskintothenightair.Hemovedwithconfidenceasherubbedhiserectionagainstmylowerbelly,with

experiencewhenhetuggedthefrontofmydressdownwardstorevealmybreasts.Andinthismoment,it

wasentirelywelcome.IwantedhimtotakecontrolofthesituationbecausegodknowsIwasclueless,led

entirelyonwantanddesire.

IkeptmymouthonNate'swhenIreachedonehandtomywaistandpushedmycottonpantiesdown

mythighsbeforequicklysteppingoutofthem.

Allthatwascoveredofmybodywaswheremydresshadbunchedatmymidsection.Everyotherpart

ofmewasexposedtohim.

Hisharshbreaths,whenhefinallyreleasedmylips,floodedmysensesandIcouldstilltastethemint

andalcoholfromhistongueashedroppedhismouthtosuckleononeofmypuckerednipples,coaxingme

withhistongue,bitingdownonmysensitivebuds,andthenlappingmeupwhenIcriedoutformore.

Hewasbigandhardandeternallywelcome.Thefeelofhishandsonmybareflesh,hismouthonmy

body...Ohgod,everythingabouthimbroughttolifeasideofmeIhadn'tknownexisted.

SuddenlyIwasairborne,beingliftedeffortlesslybymybrother'sbestfriendasheslammedmyback

againstthetreeandpushedhimselfinsideofme.

Hikedup,IwrappedmylegsaroundNate'swaistandcriedoutwhenthesharpestpainI'deverfelt

spearedthroughme.IthonesttogodfeltlikeIwassplittinginhalf.Iopenedmyeyesandletouta

strangledsighasmybodyrodethewaveofpain.

"Shit…virgin,"Nateslurred."Iforgot…hmm,fuck."Buryinghisfaceinmyneck,hegroaned."Tell

mewhenIcanmove,Andi."Hisvoicewasstrained,hisbodytrembling."Ineedtofuckyousobad…"

IblewoutthebreathI'dbeenholdingandhesitantlyrolledmyhipsagainsthim."Uh…"Myeyes

rolledbackwhenaripplingwaveofpleasureshotstraightthroughme.Nategroanedinwhatsoundedlike

painedpleasure."Mmmm…"

Tentatively,Irolledmyhipsagainandthistime,thefeelingreturned,blossomingfurtherinsideofme,

makingmethrobsohardIcouldbarelybreathe."More,"Imoaned."Givememore..."

"Thankfuck,"hegruntedbeforepullingoutandslamminghimselfbackinsideofme,thistimeburying

himselfsodeepIscreamed."Yeah,"Natehissedashetookmeagainstthetree."Scream,Andi.Fucking

hell,baby."

"Nate…ohgod,Nate.I'mso…"ThemoreIrubbedmyselfagainsthim,thestrongerthefeelinggrew.

"I'mburning…I'monfire."Mybodywasburningup.Iwastremblingalloverandpoundinghiscockinto

melikeadrum."Howareyoudoingthistome…huh…god,I'mso…uh!"

"Youwantedthis,"hehissedbeforepressingahardkisstomylips."Me.Sofuckingtakeme,Andi."

Hisfingersdugintothefleshypartofmythighsasheheldmecaptivetohispassionateonslaught."Takeit

all."

"Icanfeelyou,"Icriedout,clawingathisbackwithmyhands."Markingmeontheinside…"

"Fuck,"hehissed,bitingdownonhisbottomlip."Dothatagain."

"Dowhat?"Icriedout,unsureofwhatI'ddonetomakehimso…frantic.

"Myback,Andi,"hegrunted,movingfaster,thrustingharder."Yournails…"

Roughlytearingmynailsdownhisback,IburrowedmyfaceinNate'sneckaseverysensationinside

ofmejoinedforcesandcrashedthroughmybodylikeatidalwave,shockingmybodyandcausingmeto

jerkviolentlyinhisarms.

"Godfuckingdammit,Andi,"Nathanhissedasheslammedintomeoncemoreandstilled.Icouldfeel

theheatofhisorgasmfloodingmeanditcausedtheripplingsensationtoreturn.

Bitingdownonhisshoulder,Iscreamedasanotherwaveofpleasurerolledthroughme.Itwasthe

mostpleasurablepainI'deverexperiencedandIneverwantedittoend…butthenitdidandrealitycame

crashingdownonuslikeafreighttrain.

Pullingoutofme,NatereleasedmelikeIburnedhisskinashestaggeredbackwards,shakinghis

head."Fuck,"hehissedhoarsely."Fuck!"

"Nathan."Readjustingmyclothes,Imovedtogotohim,buthewavedmeback.

"WhatthefuckdidIjustdo?"Pinchingthebridgeofhisnose,helookedaroundhelplesslybefore

lockingeyeswithmeoncemore."I'vefuckeditallup,"hewhisperedanditwasabrokensound.

"What?Nate,no."Imovedtohimthistime,desperatetomakehimfeelokay."It'sokay."

"Okay?Ijustfuckedyouupagainstagoddamntree,"heroared."You'remybestfriend'ssister,Andi.

MybestfuckingfriendandIbrokeyouin."Hethrewhishandsintheairandgrabbedhishair."Christ,I

fuckedyourgoddamnvirginityoutofyou."

"Iwantedit,"Iheardmyselfsay."You.Iwantedittobewithyou…myfirsttime,Imean."

Nathanturnedandglaredatme."Youwantedmetofuckyouraw?"Disgustlacedhistone."You'reso

stupid,Andi.Sogoddamnstupid."

"Why?"Tearswereburningmyeyesnow."Whyareyoucallingmenames?"

"Whyaren’tyouleaving?"heroaredback."YouknowwhatIam,Andi.Fuck!YouknowwhatI'm

like.Why?Fuckingwhywouldyouwantmetotakeyourvirginity?"

"BecauseIloveyou,youbigjerk!"ThewordswereoutofmymouthbeforeIcouldstopthem."I've

lovedyousinceIwasten."TearsflowedfreelynowdownmycheeksasIadmittedmydeepestsecrets.

"Maybeevenbeforethen."

"Don’t,"heshotback,shakinghisfingeratme."Don’tsaythatshittome."

"Well,Idoloveyou,"Iscreamed,furious."Andnotsayingitdoesn’tmakeitgoaway."

"Makeitgoaway,"heroaredback."Burythatshitdown,Andi,anddon’teverfuckingsayitagain."

****

"Noonelikesaslut,Adriana..."

Myfather'swordstormentedmetheentireridehomefromDJ'spartyasIsatinthebackseatofmy

brother'srangeroverwithIvy.

Inonenight,IhadmanagedtobothruinmyreputationandmyalreadystrainedfriendshipwithNathan.

Feelingsoreandexhausted,Iremainedquiet,choosingtoreelwithwhatlittleofmydignitythatwasleft

intact.

"Man,youtwodeserveanOscar,"JacksonsaidforthethirdtimeandIcringedinside."Didyousee

Dallas'sface?"hecontinued,obviouslyspeakingtoNathanwhowassittinginthefrontseatwithhishead

angledoutthepassengerwindow."Shelookedlikeshewasshittingpebbleswhenshesawyoutwo

together."

"Please,Dude,"Nategroaned."Shutthefuckupforasec."Heavingloudly,hewrappedhisarms

aroundthedoorandshuddered."I'mtryingtodiehere."

"Servesyourassrightforgettingsosmashed,"Jacksonshotbackgood-naturedlybeforeturninghis

attentiontothebackseat."So,Andi-Pandy."Headjustedhisrearviewmirrorsothathecouldseeme.

"How'dyourfirstpartygo?"

"Itwasgood,"Isaidquietly,feelingmycheeksburnwithheatasNathangawkedagainfromthefront

seat.Mygod,Iactuallymadehimsicktohisstomach."Imean,itwasfine."

"Areyougladyoucame?"Ivyasked.

Nathanheavedagain.

"Iguess,"Ireplied,duckingmyfaceinshame.

"Ohmygod,Andi,youhavetocomeagain,"Ivyarguedexcitedly."Iknowit'shardforyoubutyou

havetoatleasttryandcome…whoa,shit,areyouokay,Nate?"IvyaskedwhenNathanpukedagain.

"Peachy,"Natemuttereddejectedly.

"Whataboutyou,Andi?"Ivyasked,turningtofaceme."Firsttimeataparty.Firsttimedrinking.Ibet

youfeelallgrownupnow.Firsttimeonadate.You'vehadawholelotoffirsttimestonight."Grinning,

shecontinuedtoteaseme,notrealizinghowaccurateshewas."Howdoyoufeel?"

"Tired,"Isqueezedout,claspingmyhandstogetheronmylap.

"Well,youguyshavetokeepthisgoing,"Jacksonlaughed."Itwassofuckinggood.Nate,pickAndiup

forschoolonMonday.That'lldriveDallasnuts–"

"No,"Natebarkedout."Nomorefuckinggames."

"Dude,"Jacksonshotback."Youcan'tgiveuptheactnow."

"Dropit,"Natemutteredbeforeadding,"Jacko,puttheradioon,man.Noonewantstohearmespew

mygutsup."

Themomentmybrotherflickedontheradio,Madonna'sLikeaVirginfilledmyearsandNathan's

pukingresumedatahigherdecimalthanbefore.

"Oh,Ilovethissong,"Ivysquealed."It'saclassic."Clappinghappily,sheinstructedmybrotherto

turnupthevolumeandthenproceededtosingeveryword–atthetopofherlungs.

Buryingmychininmyneck,Iclosedmyeyesandprayedforthisnighttoend.

****

ChapterTen

ThreewholedayspassedbeforeIworkedupthecouragetoconfideinIvy.

"Thatdouchenozzle,"shescreechedwhenIfinishedmytaleofwoeatlunchonMonday."Ishefor

real?"

"Shh,"Ihissed,mortified,aswewalkeddownthehallwaytowardsthecafeteria."It'sbadenoughI

knowwhatI'vedonewithouttheentireschoolhearingaboutittoo."Ormyfather.

Idreadedtothinkwhatmyfatherwoulddoifhefoundout.

"DoesJacksonknow?"Ivyaskedaswestoodinline.Immediatelyhergazehonedinonmybrother

whowassittingatthefarcornerofthecafeteriawithNathanbesidehim.

Theywere,asusual,surroundedbythevarsityfootballteamandhordesofseniorgirls.WhileJackson

laughedandchattedanimatedlywiththecrowd,Nathanstareddownathiscellphonewithabrooding

lookonhisface.

"Ofcoursehedoesn'tknowaboutyoutwo,"Ivysaid,answeringherownquestion."Nate'sstill

breathing."

"Tobefair,Ithinkthatifitcamedowntoaphysicalfightbetweenthosetwo,Natewouldwin."I

wasn’tbraggingNathanupbysayingthis.Iwassimplystatingthefacts.Mybrother,asstrongand

athleticallybuiltashewas,wasnoNathanCole.

WhereJacksonhadthatwholesome,all-Americanlookabouthimwithblondehairandblueeyes,

Natewasrougharoundtheedgesanddangerouswithblackhair,agoldentan,andeyesdarkascoal.And

whereJacksonwastall,clockinginatsixfeet,andwell-builtfromyearsofplayingfootballatanintense

level,Natewasjustplain…bigger.Hewastaller,hisshoulderswerebroader,hismusclesmoredefined,

hisstomachmoreripped,hiswaistlinemore…

"Nah,"Ivypipedup,distractingmefrommythoughts."JacksonwouldcreamNateinafight."She

smiledproudly."He'ssoconditionedfromfootball."

"Nathanplaysfootball,too,"Iheardmyselfsaydefensively."Oratleastheusedto."Nathanhadbeen

firststringquarterbackuntilhequittheteamlastyear,tradingfootballforapaycheck.CoachHamilton

hadbeenheartbroken.Heck,Nathan'swithdrawalfromtheteamhadsenttheentiretownintoafrenzy.

FootballwasaprettybigdealinSpringHill.Itwasrightuptherewithchurch,andIknewforafactthe

onlyreasonmyfatherhadevertoleratedaboyfromRiversidehangingaroundhischildrenwasbecause

NathanwasanevenbiggerstarthanJackson.Thatboyshoneonafootballfieldanditwasacryingshame

he'dquit.

Nathanchosethatexactmomenttolookupfromhisphone.Themomenthiseyeslandedonmyface,I

blushedandduckedmyface.

"Whyareweeventalkingaboutwhowouldbeatwhoinafight?"Igrumbled,keepingmyheaddown.

"Jacksoncanneverknowaboutthis."

"Didyoutwouseprotectionatleast?"Ivyasked,glaringdaggersacrossthecafeteriaatNathan.

"Ithinkso?"

Ivygapedatme."Youthinkso,"sherepeatedflatly.

"Weweredrunk."Icouldfeelmyfaceburningaswemovedalonginline,gettingclosertothecounter.

"Andhewas…"Icouldn’tsayit.Shakingmyhead,Ibitdownonmylipandsighed."Everythingjust

escalatedsoquickly."

"Wellyoubetterescalateyourasstothepharmacy,"Ivysnapped,slappingherlunchtraydown."I

meanit,Adriana,"sheadded,usingmyfullnameforimpact."Thisisserious."

Catchingaholdofmyarm,Ivyallbutdraggedmeoutofthecafeteriaanddownthehallway."You

shouldhavetoldmeaboutthisstraightaway."Sheshovedmeoutthroughtheentranceanddownthesteps

tothestudentparkinglot."Ifyou'vehadunprotectedsex,youonlyhavelikeseventy-twohourstotakethe

morningafterpill.Afterthat,it'suselessandyouarecuttingitclose,girl."

"Wait!"IhaltedatIvy'scar."Ican'tgotoapharmacyandbuythatstuff."Paniclacedthroughme."Or

cutclass!Ifmyfatherfindsout…"

"WhatdoyouthinkyourfatherwilldoifyouarrivehomewithababyNateinyourbelly?"Ivyshot

backandIpaled."Thoughtso,"sheadded."Nowgetinthecar.I'lltakeyoutomypharmacist.She'ssuper

discreet."

*****

WhenIvyfinallydroppedmeoffathome,itwaspastsixandIwasbeyondexhausted.

Trudgingupthedrivewaytowardsmyhouse,InoticedbothJackson'sRangeRoverandNate'sChevy

parkedoutfront.

Imissedastepwhenmyeyeslandedonthatbeat-upoldChevyandstaggeredalittle.

Natehadn'tshownupatourhouseallweekend.Infact,Ihadn'tseenorheardawordfromhimsince

JacksondroppedhimoffathistrailerafterDJ'sparty.JacksonhadcrackedjokesabouthowNatemustbe

nursingthemotherofallhangovers,butIknewIwasthereasonhehadn'tcomeby.

Lettingmyselfinside,Imovedthroughthehouselikeaghost,desperatetoescapeintothesafetyofmy

bedroom.Ikeptmyheaddown,afraidthatifmybrotherappearedrightnowandlookedatmehewould

immediatelyknowwhatI'ddoneandwhereI'djustcomefrom.Shamewascoursingthroughmyveins,

bringingwithitanxietyand,ifIwasbeinghonest,alittlenausea.

IheardJacksoninthekitchen.HewasprattlingonaboutsomethingsoItookthatasmyopportunityto

sneakupthestaircaseandintomyroom.

Onceinside,Ihurriedovertomybed.Removingmybackpackfrommyshoulder,Iturneditupside

down,lettingthecontentsspillontomyduvet.

Sinkingdownontheedgeofmymattress,Ipickedupthesmallrectangularshapedboxwithtrembling

fingers.TheladybehindthecountersaidthesoonerItookit,thebetter,soIquicklytoretheboxopenand

poppedthepillintomymouth,washingitdownwithabottleofwateronmynightstand.

Asuddenknockonthedoor,followedbyJackson'svoice,causedmetodropmywateronthefloor.

"Hey,"hesaid,saunteringintomybedroom."Where'dyouandIvygoatlunch?It'snotlikeyoutocut

class."

I'mintrouble,Jackson,Iwantedtoblurtout,butIrefrained."Ivyhadanappointment,"Isaidinstead.

Lyingdidn’tcomeeasytome,andfromthelookonJackson'sface,hecouldtellIwasfullofB.Sright

aboutnow.Droppingtomyknees,Iretrievedthebottleandrubbedthedamppieceofcarpetnervously.

Hecockedabrow."Anappointment?"

"Uh-huh."Iswalloweddeeply."Atthedoctor'soffice."Climbingtomyfeet,Iwalkedovertomydesk

anddroppedthebottleinmytrashcan.Turningtofacehim,Iadded,"Iwentwithher,youknow…for

moralsupport."

Jacksonwalkedovertomybedandsankdown,notcaringthathewassquashingseveralofmyschool

books.Hisbrowswerefurrowedwhenheasked,"Why,isshesick?"Hisvoiceheldanoteofconcern

andittouchedmyheart.MaybeJacksonwasn’tplanningoncompletelyrippingmybestfriend'sheartto

shreds.Thenotionwarmedme.

"God,no,"Iblurtedout,feelingmycheeksflame.Knottingmyhandsbehindmyback,Istruggledto

comeupwitharationalexcuseforattendingadoctor'sappointmentduringschoolhours."Shejust…"

"What'sthis?"

EveryounceofairexpelledfrommylungsasIstaredinhorroratmybrotherwhowasholdingthebox

thathadcontainedthemorningafterpillinhishands.

"PlanB?"Helookedattheboxandthenatme."Whatthefuckareyoudoingwiththemorningafter

pill,Andi?"Jacksonlookedlividashejerkedtohisfeetandstalkedtowardsme."Doyouhave

somethingyouneedtotellme?"IcouldseethewheelsinmindjumpingtoalltherightconclusionsandI

panicked.

"It'snotmine,"Idenied."I'mjust…Ihave…"

"Fuck,"Jacksonhissed."Isthiswhatyoutwoweredoing?"Hestareddownattheboxinhishands

againbeforelettingoutapainedgroan."Youshouldhavetoldmeaboutthis,Andi."

"HowcouldI?"Isqueaked,unsureastowhyhethoughtIcouldevertellhim."Iknewyou'dbemad

aboutit."

"Mad?"Hisbrowsfurrowedinconfusion."I'mnotmad,Andi,I'mconcerned."Runningahandthrough

hisspikeyblondehair,Jacksonsighedheavily."God,Idon’tknowwhyshe'devenneedthis.I'malways

careful."

Wait…hethoughtthepillbelongedtoIvy?

SohedidinfactsleepwithIvy?

Thankgod…

"Ineedtogoseeher,"Jacksonmutteredunderhisbreath,stillstaringdownattheboxlikeitwasalien

tohim."Findoutwhatthehellisgoingon."

"Jackson,wait!"Icalledout,racingaftermybrotherwhowasalreadyhalfwayoutofmybedroom

doorlikeamanonamission."Don’tgoyet…canyoujustwaitasecondplease–"

MywordsbrokeoffthemomentIsteppedoutofmybedroomandmyeyeslandedonNathan,

HewasstandingstockstillinourlandingwithJacksonstandinginfrontofhim,wavingtheboxinthe

air.

Skirtingbackintomybedroom,Igrabbedmyphoneoffmybedandquicklytappedoutamessageto

Ivy.

Andi:Pleasedon’tbemad.Jacksonfoundmyprescriptionandthinksit'syours.

Secondspassedbyandthenthreelittledotsappearedatthebottomofthescreen.

Ivy:WTFAndi!!!!

Cringing,Itappedoutanothermessage.

Andi:Iamsosorry!He'sonthewaytoyourhousenow.Pleasedon’ttellhimit'smine…

Ivy:You'regonnaowemebigtime,AndiDavis!

Isaggedinrelief.

Andi:Thankyousomuchforthis…

Ivy:Don’tthankme.PraythatthedamnpillworksbecauseIwon'tbeabletocoverababyfor

you…

ThesoundofmybedroomdoorslammingdistractedmefrommyphoneandIlookeduponlytowishI

hadn'twhenmyeyeslandedonNathanstandingwithhisbacktomydoor,blockingmein.

"Weneedtotalk,"hebitout,foldinghisarmsacrosshischest.Indarknavyoveralls,tiedatthewaist,

andadirtywhitewifebeater,Natelookedincredible.Hehadobviouslycometoourhousestraightfrom

work.Histousledblackhairlookedlikehe'djustfallenoutofawoman'sbed.

Myheartsankatthethought.

Frozeninspot,IjustlookedatNathan,unabletosayaword.HowwasIsupposedtohandlebeing

aroundhimnow?Threenightsago,thisboyhadstrippedmedownandtakenmyvirginityagainstatree.

Nowhewasstandinginmybedroom,lookingatmewithhard,angryeyes.

"Okay,"Ifinallysaid.Hurryingovertomybed,Isankdown,feelingtheneedtorestmytrembling

body.BeinginclosevicinitytoNathanColecausedhavoconmynerves."Let'stalk."

"Firstoff,Ineedtoapologizetoyou,"Natesaid.Exhalingheavily,heranahandthroughhishairand

movedtowardsme."Iamsofuckingsorryabouttheothernight."

"It'salright,"Iwhispered,feelingmyheartbeatrocketinmychest."Youdon’thavetobesorry,Nate."

Iwantedit.Iwantedyou…

Sinkingdownonthebedbesideme,heleanedforwardandrestedhiselbowsonhismuscularthighs.

"Imessedup,Andi,"hemuttered,notlookingupfromthehandsashelooselyclaspedthemtogether.

"Realfuckingbad."

Iremainedstillasastatuebesidehim,unsureofwhetherornotIshouldsaysomething.

"I…enjoyedit,"Ifinallywhispered,cheeksburning."Ifyou'reupsetbecauseyouthinkIdidn’twantit

thenyou'rewrong.Ienjoyedwhatyoudidtome."

Nateletoutapainedgroan."Damn,Andi."Rubbinghisfacewithhishands,heturnedtofaceme.

"Youcan'tsayshitlikethat."

"Whynot?"Iasked,mirroringhismovements,turningmybodytofacehim."It'sthetruth."

"Losingyourvirginityissupposedtobe…specialforagirl,"Natechokedout."It'snotsomething

somewhite-trashassholetakesfromyouagainstagoddamntree."Helookedatmeguiltily."ThePlanB

wasn’tIvy's,wasit?"

Ishookmyheadslowly.

"JesusChrist,"hegroaned."I'veneverdonethatbefore.Ihaveneverfuckingforgottowearacondom

inmylife.Isweartogod,Andi.I…"

"Iwantedtogiveittoyou,"Iadmitted,interruptinghim."I'veonlyeverwantedyoutohaveme.And

you'renotwhite-trash,Nathan."

"Andi,"Natedeadpanned."You'reCliveDavis'sdaughter.Yourmommaisthegoddamnqueenbeeof

thistownandyourbrotherismybestfuckingfriend.WebothknowIcrossedthelineFridaynightand

you’rejusttoofuckingnicetoadmitit."Lettingoutagroan,Natethrewhimselfbackonmybedand

sighed."Iknowthescore,Andi.You'rethoroughbredandofflimits–especiallytoguyslikeme.

Everyoneknowsit,andIstill…Fuck!"Hethrewhistattooedcoveredarmoverhisfaceandbitbacka

groan."IhavefuckedshitupsobadIdon’tevenknowhowtofixit."

Pullingmyselfontomyknees,IleanedoverNate'swashboardstomachandclaspedhiswristwithmy

hand,pushingitawayfromhisface.

"I'mnotsorry."Mybreathwascominginshort,fastpuffs,asIheldmyselfabovehim,myblueeyes

staringintohisbrown."Iwantedyou,NathanCole."Istilldo…

Hiseyeswereonmyface,searingme,burningholesthroughme."Andi,Iliveinafuckingtrailer.My

mom'sadrunk.Mydad'saJohnFuckingDoe.Youknowthis.I'vegotfuckallgoingforme.I'mbadnews.

I'mbroke.I'mnothing..."

"You'resomethingtome,"Iheardmyselfsaybeforeleaningtowardshislips.

"Somethingdangerous,"Naterepliedquietly,holdingmyfacebetweenhishands,stoppingmylips

fromtouchinghis."Doyouhaveanyideawhatyourdaddywoulddoifheevensuspectedyouwere

messingaroundwithaguylikeme?"

Ihadanidea–anditincludedanall-girlsconventupnorth...

"Idon’tcareifyou'refromRiverside,andIdon’tcareaboutwhatmyfatherthinks,"Iwhispered,

refusingtoallowmyfearstoholdmeback."Iwanttobewithyou.Ialwayshave…"

"No,"hegrowled,hismouthalmosttouchingmine."Youdon’t.YoujustthinkyoudobecauseIwas

yourfirst.Soonerorlater,you'regonnafigureoutI'marealbaddecision."

"Thenyou'remybaddecisiontomake,"Iargued,wantingthisboymorethanI'deverwantedanything.

"I'mabiggirl,Nate.Icanmakemyownmistakes."

Exhalingheavily,Nateshookhisheadandgentlypushedmeoffhimbeforeclimbingtohisfeet.

"Well,here'sonedecisionyouwon'thavetomake,"Natehissed,notmeetingmeintheeye."Youand

me?It'snevergoingtohappen."

*****

ChapterEleven

IavoidedNathanColeasmuchasIpossiblecouldafterthatday.

Foryears,I'ddoneexactlywhathadbeenaskedofme–expectedofme.AndthefirstnightIactually

wentoutandhadalittlefun–andalittlealcohol–Iendeduphoistedupagainstatreewiththetownbad-

boyscrewingmybrainsout.

Theworstpartwas;Ididn’tregretit.

Asdirtyandwhorishasthatmademe,giventhechancetogobacktothatnight,IknewinmyheartI

woulddoitagain.

Iwasn’tsurewhatkindofagirlthatmademe,butitwasthehonesttruth.Deepdowninmyheart,I

knewIwouldgivemyselftoNathanColeinaheartbeat–ifheonlywantedme.

Iwasmiserableinschool.Everydayfeltliketorture,havingtoputonabravefaceinfrontofJackson.

Thesickthingwas;IwasstillplayingtheroleofNathan'sfakegirlfriend.

Ofcourse,itwasdifferentnow.

Iwasdifferent.

Deeplywoundedbyhisrejection,Ifoundmyselfpullingbackineverysenseoftheword.

Wedidn’ttalkanymore.

Atschool,Ikeptupappearancesandsatwithhimatlunch,butIoptedtotakeridesfromIvyinsteadof

Nathan.Athome,IlockedmyselfinbedroomthemomentIvydroppedmehomefromschoolandIdidn’t

comeoutuntilshecamebacktopickmeup.IneveransweredasingleknockonmydoorandIhadn’t

poweredmyphoneupinoveraweek.

IfoundmyselfavoidingJackson,too.EverytimeheaskedifIwantedtowatchamovieorcomehang

outwithhim,Irefused;theguiltofsleepingwithhisbestfriendtoomuchtohandle.

Onapositivenote,Igotmyperiodtendaysaftertheparty,soatleasttherewouldn’tbeababyto

explain.IcouldhidemywhorishanticsandpretendIwasstillCliveDavis'sperfectlypolisheddaughter.

Nathanhadneverspokenawordaboutthatnighttoanyone,sonobodywasanythewiser.

IvywasstillhookingupwithJackson,whichmeantwewereseeinglessofeachotherthanever.Her

absenceandmylackofcontactwithmybrothermeantIwasslayingmyschoolwork,maintaininganA+

ineveryclass,butnomatterhowmanytestsIacedorhighgradesIscored,Icouldn’tshakethesadness

insideofme.

Thefeelingofregretandshame.

Thetruthwas,Ifeltdirtyanddisappointedinmyself.

NeverinamillionyearshadIeverdreamedNathancouldmakemefeelthisway,buthehad.

"EarthtoAndi!"Jackson'svoicepenetratedmythoughtsandIforcedasmile.Iwassittingatourusual

lunchspot.MybrotherandIvyweresittingoppositeme.Nathanwasrightbesideme,andyet,I'dnever

feltsoalone.Everynowandthen,hewouldtryandmeetmyeyeorcatchmyhandunderthetable–which

waswhyInowsatpokerstraightwithmyhandsonthetableinfrontofme…

"I'msorry.Whatdidyousay?"

Jacksonreturnedmysmile,butIcouldseetheconcerninhiseyes."Iaskedyouifyouhadadress

figuredoutforhomecomingyet?"

HadIadressfiguredout?

Ididn’thavemyfreakinglifefiguredout.

Screwadress…

"No,"Ireplied,rollingmyuneatenapplearoundinmyhands."Notyet."

"Doyouneedcash?"mybrotherasked.

"Jacko,"Nategrumbled,stiffeningbesideme."Dropit,man."

"Whatthehellisupwithyoutwoanyway?"Jacksonshotback."Youtwohaveafightorsomething?"

"No,"Iforcedmyselftosay.

"Andi,youreallyneedtogetorganized,"Ivyadded."Ifyou'restillgoing,thatis."

"Ivy'sright,Andi.You'recuttingittight,"Jacksontoldme."Withthreedaysuntilthedance…"

"Ohmygod,stoptalkingaboutthestupiddancealready!"Ihissed."Idon’tgiveadamnaboutany

stupiddress."Havingsaidthat,Ishovedmychairbackandstalkedoutofthecafeteria.

Stormingthroughthedoubledoorsofthecafeteria,Imarcheddownthehallway,desperatetogetaway

fromeveryoneandclearmyhead.

"Andi,"IheardNathancalloutfrombehindmeandhisvoicecausedmetobreakintoarun.

"Goddammit,Andi,talktome,willyou!"

Ididn’twanttotalktohim.Icouldn’tstandtohearanotherit'snotyou,it'smeconversation.

Rushingdownthestepsofthemainentranceoftheschool,IracedoverthequaduntilIreachedthe

footballfield.

Sinkingdownonthegrass,Itookaviciousbitefrommyappleandsighed.

WhatthehellwasIgoingtodo?

"Hey,Adriana."

Withmyhalf-eatenappleonehand,Icranedmyheaduptoseewhowasthere.Myheartfellintomy

buttwhenIrealizedwhoitwas."Ohhey,Dallas,"Irepliednervously.

"MindifIsit?"sheasked.

Ishrugged,unsureofhowtoanswerthatquestion.OfcourseIdidn’twantDallastositwithme,butI

didn’townthegrass.Itwasafreecountryandshecouldsitifshewantedto.

Rollingmyhalf-eatenappleinbetweenmyhands,IkeptmyfacedownasIwaitedforhertotellme

whatshewanted.

Finally,shedid.

"SoIhearyouandNateareoffthecardsagain."

ForcingmyselftoswallowbeforeIspoke,Itookadeep,calmingbreathbeforesaying,"Where'dyou

hearthat?"

"Comeon,Andi,"Dallaschuckled."It’sobvious.Youtwohavebeenavoidingeachotherlikethe

plagueforthepastthreeweeks.Anyonewithabraincellcanfigureoutthatyou'renotwithNate

anymore."

"Whydon’tyouaskhimyourself?"Ishotbackcalmly.Inspiteofallthathadhappened,myloyalty

stillremainedwithNathan,andifshewaslookingfordirtonhim,thenshewouldhavetoaskhimherself.

"I'msureyou'llfindhiminthecafeteria."

"MaybeIwill,"Dallasrepliedcoolly,obviouslymiffedshehadn'tgottentheanswershewanted.

"Isthereanythingelse?"Iasked,feelingincrediblyuneasedbythewayshewasstaringatme.Ihad

thishorriblefeelinginthepitofmystomachthatshewasmentallylaughingatme.Iknewthatsounded

absurd,butIhonesttogodfeltit.Deeply.

"I'mjusttryingtofiguresomethingoutaboutyou,"Dallasmused,eyeslockedonmyface.

"Ohreally."Icouldfeelmycheeksburning,butIwasdeterminednottoletherknowhowmuchshe

wasaffectingme."Andwhat'sthat?"

"I'mtryingtofigureoutwhatkindofamessedupchildhoodyouhadthatcausedyoutohavesuch

daddyissues."

Igaped."Daddyissues?"

"Well,yeah,"Dallasrepliedinanalmostsympathetictone."Youmustbelackingsomethingrealbad

inyourlifetomakeyoufawnoveraboywho'sasgoodasabrothertoyou."

"Nathanisnotmybrother,"Ishotbackinaheatedtone.

"Isaidasgoodasabrother,"shecorrected,smiling."Didyourdaddynotgiveyouenoughattention,

Andi?"Shelaughed."Isthatit?Youwereignoredasachildandnowyou'recravingaffectionfrom

someonewhoheldauthorityoveryou?"

"I'mnottalkingaboutthiswithyou,"Ishotback,flustered."Justleavemealone,Dallas."

"Areyougoingtothehomecomingdancewithhimthisweekend?"shedemanded,tonehardthistime.

"AskNate,"Irepeatedbeforetakingabitefrommyapple,desperatetobeleftalone.

"Youdon’tgivemuchaway,doyou?"shemused,flashingherbeautifulwhitesmile.

"Iliketokeeptomyself,"Irepliedinaneventone.

"Hmm."Dallasclickedhertongue."Hey,how'syourdaddydoing?"

Ifrowned."Fine..."

"Andyourmomma?"Dallassmiled."How'sshedoing?"

NowIdidturnandlookather."They'rebothfine,Dallas."

"Good,"sherepliedalmostcoyly."Youknow;Icantellyou'reamajorGameofThronesfan,butyou

mightwannalayofftheperoxide."

"GameofThrones?"Ishookmyheadinconfusion."Whatareyoutalkingabout?"

"Comeon,Andi,"Dallaschuckled,nudgingmegentlyintheribs."Weallknowyou'retryingtopull

offthewholemotherofdragonslookbuthonestly?Ithinkyou'reprettyenoughwithoutbleachingyour

hair."MymouthfellopenandDallasquicklysnappeditshutwithaflickofherhand."Andhere'sanother

tip;alittlemascaraonthoselashescouldreallyhelptonedonethewholebulgingeyeballthingyou'vegot

goingon."

"I…what?"

"Youreyes."Shesmiledsweetly."Honey,theyneedtoningdown."Giggling,sheadded,"Imean,isit

amedicalissue?DoyouhaveGrave'sdiseaseorsomething?"

"No."Immediatelymyhandsmovedtomyface."ThisisjusthowIlook."

"Oh."Dallassmiledsympathetically."Well,maybeifyousquintalittle,itwon'tbesonoticeable."

Climbingtoherfeet,shedustedoffthebackofherdenimcutoffsandsmiled."Well,I'llbeseeingyou,

Adriana."

"Yeah,bye."Istaredafterherinconfusion,wonderinghowtheheckshehadmanagedtocompliment

meandmakemefeellikecrapallinonebreath.

****

ChapterTwelve

"I'mtellingyou,Ives,shewasweird.Smug,even."

IvyandIwereinTrigonometry.ItwasourlastclassofthedayandIwastryingtokeepmyvoiceas

lowaspossible,butitwasn’teasy.DallashadunnervedmeandIwasfeelingoffkilter.

LeaningovermydesktowardsIvy,Iadded,"Itwaslikeathreat,exceptitwasn’t."Ishookmyhead

andsighed.

IshouldhavenevergotteninvolvedinherandNate'sbusiness…

"She'sabitch,"Ivygrowled."Apoisonousbitch.Andi,don’tletherintimidateyou."

"SheaskedmeifIhadGrave'sDisease,"Imuttered,feelingtheburninmyeyes–asuresignofthe

threatoftears.

"Shesaidwhat?"Ivy'seyesdarkened."You'regorgeous,Andi.Iwouldgiveanythingtohaveeyesthat

poplikeyours.Thatgirlisjealous."

"AndshethinksIdyemyhair."Myblueeyeshadalwaysbeenfartoobigformyface,andmyhair–a

shockingplatinumblondecolor–wasthesameI'dbeenbornwith.

"LikeIjustsaid,Dallasisabitch,"Ivyshotback."God,Icannotstandthatgirl.HowNathandated

herfortwowholeyearsisbeyondme."

ThethoughtofNathandatingDallascausedajoltofpaintospearthroughme.

"I'msorry,"Ivywhispered.Reachingover,shecoveredmyhandwithhers."She'sabitch,andhe'sa

blindidiotwhocan'tseewhat'srightinfrontofhim."

"It'snevergoingtohappenforus,Ives,"Imutteredglumly."Natesaidsohimself.Ijustneedtoforget

abouthim."Forgetaboutthatnight…

"Uh…yeah,thatmightbedifficult."Pinchingmywrist,Ivypointedtowardtheclassroomdoor.My

mouthfellopenwhenIsawNatestandingbehindtheglass.Hewasstaringatmeandgesturingtomewith

hishand.

"Whatthe…"IalmostfelloffmyseatasIcranedmynecktotheleft,tryingtofigureoutifitwasin

factmeNatewasseekingout."Me?"Imouthed,pointingtomyself.

Naterolledhiseyesandnodded.

"Don’tgotohim,Andi,"Ivywhispered."Justignorehimandmakehimsufferforachange….Oh,I

don’tknowwhyIbother,"sheaddedwhentheclassroomdoorflewinwards.

"Mr.Lang?"Nathanasked,toneserious,stalkingintomyclassroomlikeheownedtheplace."Sorry

fortheintrusion,butcanAdrianapleasebeexcused?There'sbeenafamilyemergency."

Ourtrigonometryteacherlookedatmeinconcern,andthenbackatNathan."Iseverythingokay,Mr.

Cole?"

"I'drathernotdiscussithere,"Nathanrepliedsmoothly."It'sapersonalmatter."

"Ofcourse,"Mr.Langsaidbeforewavingtome."Goon,dear.Offyougo."

NotdaringtolookatIvy,Iretrievedmybackpackfromthefloorandwalkedtothefrontoftheclass.

"Thankyou,"Nathansaidashetookmebythearmandledmeoutoftheclassroom.Theminutethe

doorclosedbehindus,Natewasdraggingmedownthehallway.

"Whatareyoudoing?"Iasked,breathless,asIstruggledtokeepupwithhimandkeepaholdofmy

backpack."Wh-wherearewegoing?"

Nathandidn’tanswerme.

Instead,hecontinuedtodragmedownthehallwaybeforetakingasharpleftandpullingmeintothe

fire-escapestairwell.

"Areyoucrazy?"Ihissed,lookingaroundanxiouslyattheemptystairwell.Itwasforbiddentousethe

fire-escapestairwellsunlessinarealemergencyandIwasnorulebreaker."Wecouldgetdetentionfor

beingdownhere,"Iadded,feelinglikeateacherwasabouttojumpoutofsomerandomcreviceandcatch

usdownhere.

"You'remakingmefuckingcrazy,"Nateshotback,glaring."I'vetriedtotalktoyouatyourhouseand

inthehallwayatschool.I'vewatchedyoueverydamndayatlunchandyouneverlookatme.Youwon't

speaktome."Hesteppedcloser,leavingmewithnochoicebuttobackup.Therewasn’tmuchspace

downhereandIshiveredinsidewhenIfeltthecoolcementwallagainstmyback."You'vebeenavoiding

me,Andi,"herasped,toweringoverme,makingmefeeltiny."Freezingmeout."Hisvoicewaslowand

harsh."Ican'tgettwodamnminutesalonewithyou.Goddamn,Andi,youcan’tevenlookmeintheeye.

Soyeah,maybeIamfuckingcrazy,ormaybedraggingyoudownherewasmyonlywayofmakingyou

standstilllongenoughtoactuallyfuckingspeaktome!"

Okay,somaybeNatewasright.Ihadbeenpurposefullydodginghisattemptstospeaktome.And

maybehewasrightwhenhesaidIcouldn’tlookhimintheeye.Butthiswaswhathewanted.He'dsaid

asmuch.

"Ithoughtthisiswhatyouwanted."FrustrationandlustcoursedthroughmeasIforcedmyselftolook

athim."Yousaidyoudon’twantme.I'mjustrespectingyourwishes."

"When,"Natehissed,pressinghimselfclosertome."HaveIeversaidIdon’twantyou?"

"Inmybedroom,"Ishotback,flushed.HiseyesdarkenedandIcouldfeelhimstrainagainstme,our

bodiesflushagainsteachother.MyheartracederraticallywhenIsaid,"YoutoldmethatyouandIwould

neverhappen."

"Whereinthatsentencedidyouhearthewords;Andi,Idon’twantyou?"hedemanded.

Ishookmyhead,ataloss."Ijustpresumed…"

"Don’t,"hegrowled.Icouldhearhisheartrateescalate,poundingagainsthischestashepressed

againstme."Don’tfuckingpresume."Nate'seyesweresodarktheywerenearlyblackwithdesire.Ifelt

thelightestofpressurewhenhisforeheadtouchedmine."Anddon’tpretendIdon’tfuckingexist,either."

Hisfingerstrailedoverthecurveofmyhipbeforeclampingdownhardonmyflesh."I'vebeengoingout

ofmygoddamnmindwithworry."

"Withworry?"

"Yeah,Andi,withworried,"hegrowled,mouthclosetomine."Youwouldn’ttalktome.Youdidn’t

text.Youturnedoffyourphoneandlockedyourbedroomdoor.ForallIknewyoucouldbepregnantandI

wasoutoftheloop–"

"I'mnot,"Iblurtedout."Pregnant,thatis.I'mnot.Soyou'reoffthehook."

"Iwouldn'thavewalkedawayfromyoueitherway,"heshotback,disgustlacedinhistone."You

knowthat."

"DoI?"Imutteredundermybreath,feelingredderbytheminute.Ineededtogetawayfromthisboy

andquickly.

"IknowIhandledthingshorribly,okay,"Nateshotbackinaheatedtone."Iwasdrunkandroughand

afterwardsIwasacompletefuckingtool.Butyoudon’tgetit,Andi.You'vebeenapartofmylifesinceas

farbackasIcanremember."Heshuddered."I'vegrownupwithyou.Treatedyoulikemyowndamn

sister…andthenyouchanged…andIchangedandthewayIlookatyouchanged…andshitgotso

complicated."

"Whatdoyoumean?"Iwhisperedbreathlessly,feelingmyselfweakening.Mylegsfeltlikenoodles.

Myhearthadjackhammeredinmychest.

"Yougrewupsogood,Andi,"hegroaned,pressingintome.Myvisionbecameclouded,intoxicated

byhispresence."Fuck,why'dyouhavetogrowupsodamngood?"Hisbreathquickenedashelowered

hismouthtowithinmillimetersofmine."Tellmetostop."Adeepgutturalgrowlrolleddeepinhischest;

asoundthatcausedthemusclesinmypelvistotighten."Tellmetowalkawayfromyou."

"Don’teverwalkawayfromme,"Ibreathed.MyhandsmovedtohisneckoftheirownaccordandI

lungedforNateatthesametimehelungedforme.

Hislips,whentheycrashedagainstmine,weresevere…hungry.Hisbodypressingagainstminewas

entirelywelcome.AnigglingfearcreptintomymindbutIdidn'tdareentertainthenotion.Iblockeditout

hardandfast,concentratingentirelyonthefeelofhistongueinmymouthandhishandsonmybody.

I'dneverbeeninasituationlikethis.ThisboyhadtheabilitytomakemefeellikeIwastenfeettall

onemomentandthedirtonhisshoethenext.Itwassofrustrating.ButIwouldn'tleave.Thesefeelings

petrifiedme.IwasinuncharteredterritorywiththeonlypersonIwasabsolutelycertainof.

Iknewthat…andwhateverNathanwantedfromme,Iwasmorethanwillingtogivetohim,

regardlessofhowitmademelook.

"So,howarewegoingtodothis?"Iwhispered,breakingthekiss.IlookedupatNathanwithmyheart

inmymouth,waitingonananswerthatcouldmakeorbreakme.

"ThehellifIknow,Andi,"hewhispered,brushinghislipsagainstmineoncemore."ButIknowone

thing."Hishandsmovedtocupmyface."Ican'tspendanotherthreeweekslikethelastthree."His

strokedmynosewithhisandexhaledashakybreath."IknowIshouldn’twantyou,butitdoesn’tchange

thefactthatIdo."

"Youdo?"

"DamnfuckingstraightIdo,"heshotback,voiceragged."I'vewantedyousincefuckingmiddle

school."Exhalingahaggardbreath,hepressedhisforeheadtomine."ButI'mnotallowedtohaveyou,

Andi."Heranhisnoseupanddownmyjawline."Youhavenocluehowhardthisisforme.Nofucking

clue."Hishandsmovedtomyneck,clutchingmegently."Ilosemymindoveryoueveryday.Andevery

morningwhenIwakeup,itstartsalloveragain.Youstartalloveragain."

"Nate…"Ibreathed,mywordstrailingoffwhenhislipstouchedtheskincoveringmypulse.

"I'msuchafuckup,Andi,"hewhisperedashekissedmyneck."Ihopeyouneverfigureitout.But

fuck,youmakemehappy,Andi.Youalwayshave."

Hewasruiningmewithhiswords.

Destroyingmewithhiskisses.

"Inevermeanttobeadicktoyou,"herasped."ButIcouldn’tbearoundyouandjustbefriends.You

haveneverbeenjustafriendtome.Shit'sprobablygonnagetrealmessy,Andi,andIhavenocluewhat

thehellI'mdoing.AllIknowisIcan'tfuckingkeepawayfromyouanymore.Ican'tdoit…"

"So,howarewegoingtomakethiswork…withJacksonandmyparents?"Imoaned,wrappingmy

armsaroundhisneck."I'mnotgivingyouup."

"That'sgoodtoknow,"heshotbackbeforehoistingmeup.Instinctively,Iwrappedmylegsaroundhis

waist,revelinginhowperfectlyhisbodyslottedintomine."BecauseIhavenointentionsofgivingyou

up,either."

****

ChapterThirteen

IleftschoolonTuesdaywithaspringinmystepandadressonmymind.

NathanColewasmine.

Myboyfriend.Mysecretboyfriend,butminenonetheless.

Nathan'swordstodayhadbeenaliberation.Adefiningmomentinmylife.Hehadopeneduptome.

Givenmealittlepieceofhim.

ImanagedtowrangleIvyintogoingdressshoppingwithmeafterschool.Iwasprettysureshethought

Iwasinsanesinceonlyafewshorthoursago,I'dthrownatantruminthemiddleofthecafeteria

announcingthatIdidn’tcareaboutdresses.Andyet,I'dspentoveranhourinthestoretryingondress

afterdress,desperatetofindtheone.Ifinallysettledonababybluestraplessfulllengthdress.Itwas

simplebutelegantandperfectforme.

"You'rehidingsomethingfromme,"Ivyaccusedforthefourthtimewhenwepulledupoutsidemy

house."You'rebeingcoy."Shenarrowedhereyes."You'renevercoy.Spill."

"I'mnothidinganything,"Ishotbackandtheliecameeasytome.Ishudderedatthethought.

NateandIhaddecidednottotellanyoneaboutourrelationship–notevenIvy.Hesaiditwastoo

riskyandIknewdeepdownhewasright.Myfatherhadn'tbeenjokingaroundwhenhethreatened

boardingschool,andIvywasgettingcloserandclosertoJackson.Oneofthesedays,herloyaltywould

switchandIdidn’twanttobetheonetoputherinthemiddle.

Iknewwewereonborrowedtime.Eventually,Jacksonormyparentsweregoingtofigureitout,butI

couldn’tthinkaboutthat.Forthefirsttimeinmylife,IwasdoingwhatIwantedtodo.Iwasbeingselfish

andrecklessandenjoyingbeingseventeen.IknewthatifthetimecameIhadtochoose,itwouldbe

Nathan.Iwasthatwillingtogivemyselftohim.ButIdidn’twanttohurtJackson.Itwastheverylast

thingIwantedtohappen.

"Nathanjustwantedtocleartheairbetweenus."Shrugging,Iadded,"Youknow,beforethedanceon

Friday."

"Idon’tbelieveyou,"Ivycounteredcoolly."YoumightbeabletopullthewooloverJackson'seyes

withyourmeeklittleexterior,butIknowyou,AdrianaDavis."Grinning,sheadded,"AndIknowwhat

thatboymeanstoyou.Sotellmethetruth.Youknowyoucantrustme."

"CanyoutrustmewhenItellyouthatyou'rebetteroffnotknowing?"Iwhispered,lookingatmybest

friend."Idon’twantyoudraggedintoanyofthis,"Iaddedinameaningfultone.

"Iwouldnevertellonyou,Andi,"Ivyshotback,wounded."You'remybestfriend.Iwouldn’tdothat

toyou."

"Andyouaremine,"Ireplied."WhichiswhyIrefusetoputyouinapositionwhereyoumightget

caughtinthefiringline.Canyoujustacceptthat?Forme?"

"DoIhaveachoice?"shereplied.

Ishookmyhead.

"Fine.Butyouknowthatyoucanalwaystalktome,Andi.Iamalwaysonyourside."Pullingmeinto

ahug,Ivywhispered,"Andwhateveritisyou'redoingornotdoing,useprotection."

****

"Areyousureit'sokaytobeinhere?"IaskedNateasheunlockedhistrailerandquicklypulledme

inside."Whataboutyourmom?"

"She'sonanotherbender,"herepliedbeforeroughlyshovingmeagainstthecloseddoor."Knowing

mymom,shewon'tbehomefordays."Slamminghimselfagainstme,Natedippedhisfacetomyneckand

pressedakisstomybareshoulder."AndIneedtimewithyou–evenifitisinmyshittyfuckingtrailer."

"Idon’tcareaboutwhereyoulive,"Iwhispered.Reachingup,Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhisneck

andpressedmyselfintohisembrace."Youknowthat."Ineverhave…

Iknewweshouldtakesometimetotalkaboutus.Heck,weneededtofigureoutthisrelationshipwe

hadgoingon,butIwasdrivenpurelyonhormones.

Iwasvulnerable,self-conscious,anddesperatetomakehimwantme.Good,badorotherwise,Iwas

willingtodowhateverittooktokeepNathanColeinterestedinme.

MaybeDallaswasrightandIdidhavedaddyissues,butmyfeelingsforNatewererealand

overpowering.Iwantedtogivemyselftohim.Everypart.

Hishandsdroppedtomyassthen,andIwasbeinghoistedintohisarms.

AsIwrappedmylegsaroundhiswaist,IcametotheconclusionthatstraddlingNathanColewas

quicklybecomingmyfavoritepastime.

Hewalkedusdownthetinyhallwaytohisbedroom.

Whenwewereinside,hethrewmedownonthebedandkickedhisbedroomdoorshutbefore

whippinghist-shirtoff,revealingthosewashboardabsofhis.

"You'resobeautiful,"IheardmyselfwhisperasIclimbedontomykneesandstudiedhisinkedskin.

Exhalingashakybreath,Ireacheddownandpulledthehemofmysundressovermybody.

Kneelingonhisbedinmyplainwhitebraandpanties,Ifeltincrediblyvulnerable.

Nate'sbrowneyeswereevendarkerthannormalandfocusedentirelyonmybareflesh.

Histonguesnakedoutacrosshisbottomlipashetookhisfillofme.

"I'minfuckingheavenrightnow,"hesaid,tonehusky,ashedroppedhishandstothebeltbuckleofhis

jeans."HavingAdrianaDavisinmybed."Heshookhisheadandbitbackagroan."Youwouldn’tbelieve

howmanytimesI'vedreamtofthis."

Breathinghardandfast,IwatchedasNathanshamelesslystrippednakedbeforereachingovertohis

nightstandandretrievingasmallfoilwrapper.

"PlanAtonight,"hetoldmewithachuckleashetorethewrapperopenandrolledthecondomonhis

erection.

Myentirebodyquakedasheloweredhimselfontothebed.

Reachingout,hepressedhishandtomyhips,caressingmyskinwithhisthumb,whilehisotherhand

movedtothemiddleofmyback.

"You'renotagametome,Andi,"hewhispered,unclaspingmybrawithexperiencedfingers."AndI

havenoplansofscrewingyouaround."

Withgentlefingers,heflickedmybraoffmyshouldersbeforepressingdownonmyshoulderssothatI

fellbackwardsonthebed.

"I’mrealfuckingseriousaboutyou,Andibaby."Hisvoicewasthickandhuskyashecaughtaholdof

thewaistbandofmycottonpantiesandpulledthemdownmylegs.

IshookalloverasIkickedoffmypantiesandrestedmylegsoneithersideofhim.

Hewassobigandmuscularthathetookmybreathaway.

ButIwasnervous...

"Willithurtthistime?"Iasked,breathingfasterasNateloweredhimselfdownonme.

"No,baby,"hewhispered.Restingonhiselbowaboveme,heprobedhishardshaftagainstmy

entrance."Itjusthurtsthefirsttime."Hitchingoneofmythighsaroundhiswaist,Natepushedinsideme,

movingslowly,givingmybodytimetoaccepthiswelcomeintrusion.

Hewasright;itdidn’thurtthistime.

Tentatively,Irolledmyhipsupwards,embracinghisslowthrusts.

Icriedoutloudlywhenhiserectionfilledmeup.

Icouldhardlystandtheexplosive,tingling,ripplingsensationinsideofmycore.

"Itfeelsdifferentwithacondomon,"Iwhispered,holdingontohim."Ilikeitbetterwhenyou're

bare."

"Jesus,"Natechokedout."Don’tsayshitlikethattome…notwhenI'mtryingtobegood…"

"It'strue,"Icriedoutwhenhefuckedmealittlefaster–alittledeeperandharder."Iliketheraw

feelingofyou…ohgod…ofyouinsideme."

Myheartwasracing.

Mybodywasachingallover.

IfeltlikeIwasfallingofftheedgeofsomethingamazing…

"Assoonaswegetyouonthepill,I'llfuckyoubareagain,"Natehissedasheburiedhisfaceinmy

neck."Christ…You'resogoddamntight."

"Thenstretchme,"Iurged,buckingmyhipsupwards."Makemeyours."

Grippingmythigh,hepoundedhimselfintome,speedinguptoanalmostmercilessrhythm.

Iwantedhimtoownmeandtakecareofme,andneverletmego.

Myeverywakingthoughtwasconsumedbytheboywhohadhiscockburieddeepinsideofme.

Thrustingmyselfupwards,Icriedoutloudly,recklessly,carelessly.

Thedeeperhemovedinsideofme,themoreImoaned,andthatharderhefuckedme,thelouderI

screamedoutformore.

"You'realreadymine,"Nategrowled,bitingdownhardonmyshoulder–sohardIknewhewould

leaveamark."You'vealwaysbelongedtome,AndiDavis."

****

"Doyoumissit?"IaskedNathantheFridaynightbeforethehomecomingdance."Playingonthe

team?"Iadded,turningmyfacetolookathim."Doesitmakeyousadknowingthatyou'rebetterthanall

ofthem?"

Weweresittingsidebysideinthestandswatchingourschool'sfootballteam–theSpringHill

Bobcats–gettingcreamedbyneighboringschoolJeffersonHigh'sEagles.

Thebleacherswereoverflowingwithsupportersandscreamingfans.Everyonewasontheirfeet–

everyoneexceptforus.Tonight,wewerehiddenbehindhordesofsupportersandoutofview.

Natesmirkedandtightenedhisarmaroundmyshoulder."ItmakesmehappytohearyouthinkI'm

betterthanallofthem,"hechuckled,drawingmecloser."Butno.Itdoesn’tmakemesad,Andi."

"Itmakesmesad,"Iadmitted,snugglingintohisside."Knowingthatyouhadtogiveitup."

"Ihavetoeat,Andi,andhavearoofovermyhead,"Nateshotback."WhatgoodisfootballifI'm

homelessandstarving?"

"Iknow,"Imuttered."Itjustmakesmesad,that'sall."

"It'sjustagame,"hereplied."Therearemoreimportantthingsinaguy'slife."

"Likewhat?"

"Liketryingtofigureouthowtokeephisbestfriendhappywhilehemakesthatbestfriend'slittle

sisterveryhappy,"hepurred,lipsclosetomine."Youlooksofuckingbeautifultonight."

Myheartflutteredwildlyinmychest.IwasnoDallasHollowayinthelooksdepartment,butIloved

thisboyandthathadtocountforsomething.AndIdidn’tlovehimforhisfootballskillsorgoodlooks.I

lovedhimforhisheart.Ilovedtheboyinsidethemanhehadbecome.Everypieceofhim.

"Iguessithelpswhentheguy'sbestfriendsetshissisterupashisfakegirlfriend,"Ibreathed,feeling

myselfmovingclosertohim.

"Youknownoneofthisisfaketome,right?"Nateaskedhuskilybeforebrushingaquickkisstomy

lips.Itwasn’tenough.Ineededmore."WhatIfeelforyouisaboutasrealasitgets."

"Whatdoyoufeelaboutme?"Itwasaboldquestion,butoneIcouldn’tstopmyselffromasking.

Hestaredatmeforalongtimebeforelettingoutaharshbreath."Whatareyoudoingtome,Andi?"

"Idon’tknow,"Iwhispered,whenhereachedme,hismouthalmosttouchingmine."WhatamIdoing

toyou?"

"I'mfuckedifIknow,Andi,"hecroakedoutbeforepressinghislipstomineagain,thistimealittle

harder."Butdon’tyoudarethinkofstopping."Withhishandclampedonmywaist,Natebreathedharshly

againstmymouthandthemovewasentirelytoomuchforme.Iwantedtogiveintohim.Iwantedhimto

haveme.Despiteeverythingelse.Iwantedtobehisgirlandscrewtheconsequences.

"Staywithmetonight,"Iheardmyselfsay,breathinghardandfast.

Hegroaned."Andi,youknowIcan't…"

"Youcan,"Iassured,interruptinghim."Nate'shavingapartyatourhouse."Pressingmybrowtohis,I

exhaledheavily."Afterwards,justcomeuptomyroom."Reachingout,Iclutchedhisshirtinmyhandand

tugged,mydesperationobvious."Please,Nate."Icouldhardlycontrolmyselfaroundthisboy.Itwas

takingeveryounceofmywillpowertostaywhereIwasandnotclimbontohislap."Staywithme

tonight."

Withasighmixedwithlustanddefeat,Nateleanedforwardandwhispered,"You'regoingtoruinme,

AndiDavis,"beforeclaimingmymouthwithhis.

Andthistime,hedidn’tstop.

****

ChapterFourteen

TheBobcat'slostthegamewithanembarrassingfinalscore,whichmeantthatJacksonwasina

horriblemoodallthewayhome.However,bythetimeIvyarrivedandhehadconsumedagoodportion

ofakegofbeer,hewasbacktohisregularchipperself.

Prettysoon,ourhousewasfilledwithabunchofpeoplefromschool.Itwasalmostaritualnow;

Jacksonthrowingahousepartythenightbeforehomecoming,rightafterthebiggame.Usuallyitwasa

nightofcelebration,butnotthisyear.

Notwithouttheirquarterback.

NotwithoutNathanCole.

I'dstayeddownstairsforalittlewhile,butyouknowthesaying;ifyoucan'tstandtheheat,getoutof

thekitchen?Yeah,well,thatwashowIfelttonight.

Icouldn’ttaketheheatofhavingNathanandnotbeingabletotouchhimlikeIwantedto.Imean,sure,

beinghisfakegirlfriendmeantIcouldholdhishandandsidleupagainsthim,butitwasn’tenoughforthe

partofmethatwashisrealgirlfriend.

Ialsocouldn’tstandanotherminuteofwatchingeverygirlstareandleerathim.Iwantedtoscream

backoff,he'smineeverytimeoneofthosegirlsbrushedtooclosetohimoraskedifhewantedtodance.

Eventhecollegegirlsinourtownthrewthemselvesathim,desperateforatasteofthebadboyfrom

thewrongsideofthetracks.

Tonight,Natewasdressedinfadeddenimjeansandaredplaidshirt,unbuttonedandhangingopento

revealaplainwhitewifebeater.Helookedlikeheshouldbeonthecoverofoneofthemanynewadult

romancenovelsIread,notstandinginmyhouse.

Whentheboys'gotouttheirguitarsandsetuptheirgeartoperform,Itookthatasmyquetocheckout.

Iretreatedtomybedroom,unabletocopewiththelooksandstareshereceived…

Upinmybedroom,Icheckedmybloodsugarsandinjectedmyselfwithmyinsulin,butstill,Icouldn’t

rest.KnowingNathanwasdownstairs,beingogledbydozensofgirls,wasdrivingmeinsane.Iwantedto

draghimuphereandlockhiminmyroom,butofcourse,Icouldn’tdothat.IwasjealousthatIhadto

sharehimwithJackson–whichwasridiculousbecausetheyhadbeenfriendssinceforever.Iknewitwas

probablyextremelyunhealthythewayIfeltaboutNate,butIgenuinelycouldn’thelpit.HewasallI'd

wantedforasfarbackasIcouldrememberandnowthatIfinallygottocallhimmine,Ididn’twantto

wasteaminuteoftimewithhim.

Thesoundofmusiccomingfromdownstairswasinsanelyloud–theguyswereonfiretonight.

Jackson,Nate,andtheirtwootherfriends–KevandDaryl–thatmadeupAlternativeKisswere

beltingoutonerockanthemafteranother.TheampswereturnedupsoloudIcouldfeelthevibrationsall

thewayuphereinmyroom

IrearrangedmybedroomandtookashowerwhileIwaitedforthepartytofinishupdownstairs,

shavingoffeveryhairsouthofmychin.

Ridiculousasitsounded,IwantedtobeperfectforNathan.

Iknewhewouldcome.

He'dpromisedmehewouldatthegametonight.IalsoknewIwasaskingaheckofalotfromhim,

puttinginjeopardyhisfriendshipwithJackson.Thefactthathewaswillingtodothatformealonemade

myheartmelt.

Thebandfinishedwhateversongtheywereplaying,thecrowddownstairseruptedincheers,andthen

thesoundofthestereobeingblastedfilledmyroom.

Itwon’tbelongnow,Ithoughttomyselfandexcitementunfurledinthepitofmystomach.Thesound

ofheavyfootstepsoutsidemybedroomdoorcausedmyentirebodytoigniteinahotflush.Thejanglingof

mydoorhandlecausedmylegstotremble.

Whenmybedroomdoorfinallycreakedopen,Ihadtoclosemyeyesandforcemyselftocalmdown

andbreathe.Iheardthedoorclose,andIknewhewashere.

Inmybedroom.

IopenedmyeyesandletoutastrangledsighwhenmyeyeslockedonNathan.

BlakeShelton'sSangriawasblaringfromthestereodownstairs,accompaniedbychorusofdrunken

crowssingingalongtothelyrics.

Meanwhile,Icouldhardlybreathe.

"Hey."IblewoutthebreathI'dbeenholdingandplayedwiththehemofmynightgown.Ikepthiseye

contact,frozenonmyknees,breathlessandfullofwistfulanticipation.

Natestaredatmehardbeforelettingoutaharshbreath."Ishouldn’tbeinhere."Helookedaroundmy

pinkbedroomandthenbackatme."Feelskindofdisrespectfultoyourbrother."

"Iwantyouinhere,"Ibreathed,wantingtodraghisbodydownontopofminemorethanIwantedmy

nextbreath."Feelfreetodisrespectmeallyouwant."

Flickingoffmylight,NatewalkedovertomybedtowhereIwaskneeling.Leaningforward,he

wrappedhisarmsaroundmywaistandpulledmeforwardsothatwewerechesttochest."I'mgonnaneed

youtostopsayingshitlikethattome,prettygirl."HisbreathfloodedmysensesandIcouldpractically

tastethemintandalcoholonhistongue."Otherwise,I'mgonnaenduprealhookedonyou."

"That'swhatIwant,"Iadmittedwithabreathysigh."Iwantyoutogethookedonme,NathanCole.

Makemeyourfavoritehabitanddon’teverquitme."

Nateletoutasighandpressedhisforeheadtomine."Youfuckwithmyheadsobad,Andi,"Natetold

meinhisdeep,raspyvoice."I'minarealbadfuckingwaywithyou,girl."

"Good,"Ireplied,myvoicebarelymorethanastrainedwhisper."Becausethat'sthewayithas

alwaysbeenforme."

Withasighoflonging,lust,andpurewant,Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhisneckandpressedmymouth

tohis.Thesecondourlipstouched,agrowltorefromthebackofNate'sthroatandmywholebody

ignitedinfire–anachingofdesperationthrumminglowinmybelly.

Reachingbetweenus,IgrabbedNate'sshirtanddraggedhimdownonme.Mykisseswerehungry,

frantic,asIpouredeverythingIwasfeelingforhimintothem.Myhandsroamedoverhisflesh,uncertain

anduntrained,butmorethanwillingtolearn.

"Andi,"hewhisperedgruffly,"Slowdown,baby."Pressingmybackintothemattress,Nateheld

himselfaboveme."There'snorush."

Maybetherewasn’tforhim,butIwasdyinginsidewhilewaitingtohavehimagain.

Leaninguponmyelbows,Icaughthislipswithmineandpulledhimbackdown,needinghisweight

onme,hardandoverpowering.Hewassobig,sostrong,andIcouldn’tgetenough.

Tuggingonthewaistbandofhisjeans,Irockedmybodyagainsthis,tellinghimwithmyhipswhatI

wantedhimtogiveme.

"You'regonnahavetoberealquiet,"Natesaid,tonethickandgruff."Imeanit,Andi,baby.No

screaming."

Iknewhewasworried.ThelastfewtimesNathanhadbeenbetweenmylegs,I'dbeenloud–real

loud–butIknewwhatwasatstake.IwassureIcouldcontrolmyself."IpromiseIwon'tmakeasound,"

Ibreathed,willingtosaywhateverittooktohavehiminsideofmeagain.

Withmyheartinmymouth,Iwatched,frozentothebed,asNathanclimbedoffmeandbeganto

undress.ThiswasthefirsttimeI'dseenhimcompletelynakedandIwasspeechless.Hisbodywasripped

andcutandmuscular.Hewasjustsoviralandprimitivelooking,standingovermewithhiserection

standingproudly.Andhewasbig.Verybig…

"Getnaked,"Nateorderedinateasingtone.

Immediately,Irosetomykneesandwhippedmynightgownovermyhead.KnowingIwouldn’tneeda

braandpantiesaftermyshower,Iwasentirelynakedforthisboy.

"Fuck,"Natehissed.Hedraggedhisswollenbottomlipbetweenhisteethashiseyesroamedovermy

nakedskin.

"WillIdo?"Iheardmyselfaskwhenhisgazebecametoointenseformetotake."AmI…okay?"

"Willyoudo?"Naterepeatedinalowgrowl."Comehereandletmeshowyouhowmuchyou'lldo."

Climbingoffmybed,IwalkedunsteadilyuntilIwasflushagainsthim,ournakedbodiestouching.

Hewassomuchtallerthanme,somuchstronger,harder,toned…

Natereachedouthishandandpressedthepalmtomybreast,cuppingme,strokinghisthumbovermy

hardenednipple."Lookatme,Andi."

Exhalingashakybreath,Ilookedupathisbeautifulfaceandwhispered,"Iwantyousomuch."

Hishandsdippedtomywaistthen,movingloweruntilhewasgrippingmyass.

Inoneswiftmove,Natehoistedmeupandslammedmeontohiscock.Iopenedmymouthtocryout,

butheburiedthosecrieswithhislipsandthenhistongueashethrustinsideofme.Myheartwasinmy

mouththeentiretimeasIwrappedmylegsaroundhiswaistandputmycompletetrustinhim.

Effortlessly,Natewalkedusacrossmybedroomwithhispenisinsideofme,stoppingonlywhenhehad

mepinnedagainstmybedroomdoor.

"Iamallfuckingwrongforyou,"Natesnarled,grindinghishipsagainstmine,thrustinghimselfdeeper

insideme,harder…"I'mbadnews,baby."Icouldfeelthebuildupinsideofmybodyaseverynerve

southofmynavelknittedtogether,shockingme,causingmybodytojoltinpleasure."Ifyouknewhow

much,youwouldn’tletmetouchyou…"

"Idon’tcare,"IcriedoutagainsthislipsasIheldontohisbroadshoulders,desperatetopullhim

deeperinsideofme."Noneofthatmatterstome…I'm…ohgod,I'mallyours."

"Damn…Andi,"Natehissedoutthroughclenchedteeth,fuckingmehardernow."Quiet."

"I'mtrying…ohgod…Yessss…"Ididn’tknowwhyhewastellingmetobequiet.Hewastheone

fuckingmesohardmybodywasbangingnoisilyagainstthedoor.

Nateclaimedmylipsonceagainandthenweweremoving.MybackhitthemattressfirstwithNathan

landingheavilydownonme,stillburiedinsideme.

Breakingthekiss,Igaspedforairandmoanedloudlywhenheroughlypulledoutofme.

"Getonyourknees,"hehissedasheflippedmeontomystomach."Ineedtoseewhatyoulooklike

whenIfuckyoufrombehind."

Weakly,Ipulledmyselfontomyelbowsandknees,cryingoutinapleasuredpainwhenheimpaledme

frombehind.

"Sofuckingbeautiful,"hegroanedashishandsroughlygrippedmyhips.Nathanfuckedme

mercilesslyandIlovedeveryrawmomentofit,pressingagainsthisthrust,daringhimtotakemeharder.

Mypromisesofbeingquietlongforgotten,Icriedoutloudly.Heck,Iscreamedmylungsout,my

fingersdiggingintothebedsheets,andthesoundofhimslammingintomereverberatedinmyears.

Iwassocaughtupinthemoment,sodeliciouslyaroused,thatIdidn’tnoticewhenbedroomdoorflew

inwardsorthelightinmyroomswitchedon.OnlywhenIfeltNathanpulloutofmedidmysanityreturn.

RealityhitmelikealightningboltthemomentIcamebackdowntoearthandheardmybrother'svoice

and…Ivy?

Scramblingontomyback,Iquicklydraggedmyblanketsovermynakedbody,andwatchedinhorror

asIvystruggledtoholdJacksonbackfromNathanwhowaspullingonhisjeans.

"Youfuckingbastard,"Jacksonwasroaring."Youfuckedmysister?Yousick,twistedbastard."

"Jackson,calmdown,"Ivycriedout,pressingherhandsagainstmybrother'schest."Please."

"Calmdown?"Jacksonroared,chestheaving."DidyounotseewhatIjustsaw?"Hegloweredover

IvyatNathan."Isthatwhatyouthinkofher–ofme?Howcouldyoudothis,man?"

"Jackson,"Natesaid,hisjeansonnow.Withhishandsheldoutinfrontofhim,hetookastepforward.

"Letmeexplain."

"What'stoexplain?"Jacksonshotback,livid."Ithinkthevisualofyoufuckingmybabysister

explainsitall."Heshookhisheadindisgust."Mysister.That'smygoddamnsister,Nate,andyouwere

fuckingherlikeadog."

"Yeah,I'vebeenfuckingher,"Natesnarled,edgingclosertomybed,puttinghimselfinfrontofme.

"I'vebeenfuckingherbecauseI'minlovewithher!"

Hewasinlovewithme?

"You'renotinlovewithher,"Jacksonshotback,snarling."Don’tbullshitme,Nate."

"It'strue,"Ifoundthecouragetosay.Lookingupatmybrother,Ibeggedhimtounderstand,"I'min

lovewithhim,Jackson."Tearsfilledmyeyes."Ilovehim."

"Don’ttalktomerightnow,Adriana,"Jacksonhissed,holdinghishandout."Jesus,Ican'tfucking

lookatyourightnow."TurninghisattentionbacktoNathan,Jacksonshookviolentlywhenhesaid,"I

forgaveyouforwhatyourwhoreofagirlfrienddidtomyfamilybecauseIunderstood.Igotit.Itwasn’t

yourfault.ItwasonDallas."Jacksonshookhisheadandexhaledashakybreath."Notthis.Ican'tforgive

this."Withthat,JacksonturnedonhisheelandboltedoutofmybedroomwithIvyrunningafterhim.

"Whatdidhemean?"Iasked,whenwordsfinallyfoundme.Frozentothebed,IwatchedNathan

watchme."AboutforgivingyouforwhatDallasdidtoourfamily?"

Releasingahaggardsigh,hewalkedovertomybedandsankdownontheedge.Leaningforward,he

droppedhisheadinhands."Ineverwantedyoutofindoutaboutit."Iwatchedashiswholebody

shuddered."Noneofuswantedyoutofindoutaboutit."

"Tellme."Mybloodrancold."Now,Nathan."

"Christ,"hehissed,rubbinghisfacewithhishand."ThereasonIbrokeupwithDallaswasbecauseI

…"hisvoicebrokeoffandheclearedhisthroatseveraltimesbeforespeakingagain."IsbecauseIcaught

hercheatingonme."

Ohmygod."Withwho?"Suddenlymybrother'shatredofDallasmadesenseinmymind."And

Jacksonknewtoo?"

"Yeah,"Nateshuddered."Jacksonknew,too."

"I'msosorry,Nate,"Iwhispered.Reachingout,Iplacedmyhandonhisback.Hisbodytensedunder

mytouch."Whowasit?"

"Andi,"Natewhispered,refusingtolookatme."Idon’twantto…"

"Withwho?"

"Withyourdad,"NathanwhisperedandacrushingpainI'donlyexperiencedoncebeforehitmeinthe

heart.ItwasthesamepainI'dfeltwhenIwalkedinonmyfatherhavingsexwithoneofournannies.I

thinkIhadbeenfiveatthetime."Ohmygod,"Ichokedout,feelingphysicallysick."Pleasetellmeyou're

wrong."ClutchingontoNathan'sarm,Ipulledhard."Please,Nathan,"Ibegged,tearsstreamingdownmy

face."Tellmethisisn’ttrue…"

"It'strue,"afemalevoicedeclared,startlingme.Lookingupinhorror,InoticedDallasleaningagainst

mydoorframe.Saunteringintomybedroom,sheclosedthedoorbehindherbeforesaying,"Butwhy

don’tyoutellherwhatreallywentdown,Nathan."Smiling,sheadded,"Youknow,thepartthatJackson

doesn’tknowabout."

"Don’t,"Natechokedout,stiffening."Please,Dallas.Nothere."

"Youwanttopaintmeinadarklight?"shesaid,tonesoftandsweet."Fine,butdon’tpretendthat

you'resqueakycleaninallofthis,Nate."

"What'sshetalkingabout?"Iwhispered,gaping."Nate?"

Nathanlookedatmewithworriedeyes."Andi,Iwantedtotellyou…Fuck!"Runningahandthrough

hishair,hehissedagrowlandturnedbacktoDallas."Damn,Dallas,can'tyoujustleaveitalone?"I

couldhearthedesperationinhistoneanditstunnedme."Please.Iamfuckingbeggingyounottodothis.

Nothere.Letmetellhermyself."

"Tellmewhat?"TighteningmyholdontheblanketIhadcoveringmybody,Irepeated,"Tellmewhat,

Nathan?"Icouldfeelmyselfshaking.Iwastremblingallover.Thiswassobad.Ithadtobe.Whyelse

wouldNathanbegDallasforanything?Whattheheckdidshehaveonhim?

Turningtome,Dallascockedaperfectlypluckedeyebrowandsmiled."WhatNathanforgottotell

you,wasthatwhileIwasscrewingyourDaddy,hewasbusygivingittoyourmomma."

"Liar,"Ihissed,feelingamassiveweightoffmyshoulders."There'snowayinhellNathanwouldever

dothat.Right,Nate?"

IturnedtolookatNathanandmyheartsankinmychest.

HewaslookingatmewiththeguiltiestexpressionI'deverseen.

"Andi…"

"Right,Nate?"Irepeated,feelingtearspoolinmyeyes."Youwouldn’tdothattoJacksonor…me?"

"Andi,"Natewhispered,eyeslockedonmyface."Iamsofuckingsorry."

"Getout,"Iwhispered."Getthehellawayfromme."

Fivewordswasallittook.

Fivesimplewords,thatwhenformedtogetherandcomingfromNathan'smouth,causedmyworldto

falloutfrombeneathmyfeet.

Tobecontinued…

Andi,Nate,JacksonandIvy'sstorycontinues

intheFakingItseries.

ComingSoon.

BonusMaterial

Nate

"Hey,Nate,youleavingalready,man?"JacksonaskedasIstoodinthefoyeroftheirmansion,fully

clothedandwiththekeysofmytruckinmyhand.

Inodded,nottrustingmyselftospeak.

Mynightwasruined.

DallaswasoutbackandwouldbepissedthatI'dbailedbutI'dstoppedworryingaboutherfeelingsa

longtimeago–rightaroundthetimeIcaughtherchokingonamouthfulofhisdick…

TheimageimpaledmymindandIbalked.

Fuck,Iwouldneverbeabletoridmymindofthatgodawfulvisual.Bitchhadpoweroverme–

poweroverthepeopleIcaredmostabout.Fortheirsakes,Iheldmytongue.Ikeptmymouthshut,butI

wouldn’tforget.

Icouldn'tenjoymyself,notnow,anditwasallhissister'sfuckingfault.

Ineededtogetoutofthisplaceandfast.

JesusChrist,whatdiabeticpersonforgotsomethingsodamncrucialtotheirwellbeingasinsulin?

Whodidthat?

Adriana,apparently,andIwasburningmadatherforit.

Shedidn'tgetit.

Shedidn'tfuckingunderstandhowcrushedherbrotherwouldbeifanythinghappenedtoher.

HowcrushedIwouldbe.

Thegirlwassodamnselfish.

"Alright,I'llseeyoutomorrow,"Jacksoncalledoutbeforedisappearingdownthecorridorwithan

almostnakedJanineathisside.

IwasthisclosetolosingitandIneededanout.

Mytruckprovidedmewiththat.

AssoonasIturnedthekeyintheignitionandtheoldChevyengineroaredtolife,Ifeltsomeofmy

sanityreturn.

Slingingmytruckintoreverse,Ilookedoutthebackwindow.

MygazelandedonherbedroomandIfoundmyselfwonderingifIshouldleave.

Wassheokay?

ShouldIstay?

Weweren'tkidsanymoreandtouchingherbodylikethat,seeingherexposed…itwasn'tgoodforme.

Icouldn'thandlebeingthatclosetoher;Iwasn'tstrongenoughandIcouldn'tfuckupmyfriendship

withJackson.NotmorethanIalreadyhad…notthatJacksonknew.

Messingthisupagainwasnotanoption.

Hell,maybeIshouldstayandmakeoutwithDallas?

Icouldworkoutthispentupfrustrationwithher…

"Fuck!"Slammingmyhandonthewheel,Icursedloudlyandshiftedintofirstgearbeforepullingoff.

Shewasn'tmyproblem.

Ineededtorememberthat.

MyheartwasstillthuddinghardwithregretanduneasewhenIpulledupoutsideourtrailer.

Thelightwasstillonwhichmeantmymotherwasstillupanddrinkingherselfintoastupor.

Killingtheengine,Isatsilentlywithmythoughtsforalongtime.

TheimageofAdriana'ssmall,heartshapedfacelookingupatmewiththosebigblueeyesfullof

sadnessandthatblondepillowofsnowwhitehairthatfelltoherwaistline…

"You'realwaysmadatme."

Herwordshadcutmedeep.

Goddammit,fromtheveryfirstmomentIsawher,Iknew,Ijustknewthatshewasgoingtotakeme

down.I'dbeenstruckfuckingdumbbythatgirlwhenIwassixyearsoldandovertime,myfeelingsforher

hadonlygrownanddeepenedintothis…obsession.

Thispatheticfuckinginfatuationwithmybestfriend'ssister.

Ithadn'tseemedtomatterwhenwewerekids.

Backthen,Ididn'tunderstandbreeding,ormyplaceintheworld.

Ateight,Ididn'thavethecomprehensiontounderstandwhythebastardsonofadrunkwouldn'tbe

goodenoughfortheonlydaughterofahighprofilelawyerandhisthoroughbredwife.

Backthen,IlovedAdrianalikeIlovedJackson.

Asafriend.

Someonetotakecareof,tolookoutfor.

Shealwaysmademesmilewithhersweet,fragiledisposition.

Shewaskindandgoodandsmelledlikefreshlycutgrass.

Astheyearspassed,Igrewmoreprotective,moreterritorialofher.Ibegantosufferjealouslypangs

whenshetalkedtootherboys.AndthenIgotintofightswiththoseboyswhentheytalkedaboutherin

waysIdidn'tlike.

ShegrewupandsheturnedintomorethanIcouldhandle.Shegrewintohercurvesandthathair…

Christ,thatalmostwhite-blondehairofherswassomethingelse.I'dneverseenagirllikeAndibefore.

Hergrowingupstartedacrazyburstofhormonesinsideofme.

I'dneverbeensofuckingstunnedasthedayIexperiencedmyfirsthardon.Iwasthirteen,anditwas

thefirsttimeI'dseenAndiinabikini.

Withmyeyesgluedtothesmallbreaststhatsheseemedtohavehadsproutedovernight,Iremembered

feelingahot,pleasurablefeelingcoursethroughmygroin.

Mortifiedandconfused,I'dslippedoutoftheDavis'sswimmingpoolandranthefourmiles'hometo

mymother,who,withherlatestboyfriend,hadlaughedandmockedmetotears.

Myoldersister,Kim,whowasstillbringingmefoodatnightbackthen,hadstoppedbyandexplained

ittome,andIrememberedfeelingfuckinghorrified.

Thatnight,aftersomepersuasion,IcamehardtotheimageofAndi.

Afterthat,everythingchanged.

Herfatherwatchedusmorecarefully.

Andthen,oneSaturdaymorning,herdickofafatherhadthetalkwithme.Lettingmeknowthatwhile

hewasfondofme,Iwasnowandneverwouldbegoodenoughforhisdaughter.AndifIhadany

illusionsofromancethenIneededtothinkagainbecauseitwasn'thappening.Hisdaughterwouldn'tbe

caughtdeaddatingaboyfromRiverside.

Likehecouldfuckingtalk.

Afterthatday,IstayedawayfromAndi.

Iforcedmyselftoignoreheranditallbutkilledme,butnothingIseemedtodomadethosefeelingsgo

away.

Itriedbeingmean.Itriedbeingcruel.Hell,Ipointblankignoredheratschool,andgotmyself

involvedwithDallasfuckingHollowaytokeepmyselfincheck.

Buttonight,seeingAndivulnerableandneedy,fuckittriggeredsomethinginsideofme.

SomethingIneededtokeepburied.

Icouldn'triskmyfriendshipwithJacksonforagirl.Afuckinggirl.Whatthehellwaswrongwithme?

I'dknowthiskidsinceshewasindiaperschasingafterus.

I'dpickedherupwhenshefellandstoodupforherintheplaygroundwhenacoupleofdicksfromthe

trailerparkpickedonher.

Shewaslikeasistertome.

Ishouldn'tbecontemplatinghavingarelationshipwithher.

Itwouldneverwork.

IhadonemoreyearofschoolandthenI'dbegone.Gettingthehelloutofthisplacewastheonlything

thatkeptmegoingmostnights.AssoonasIwasdonewithhighschool,Iwashittingtheroad.

AndiwasagradebelowmeandwouldmorethanlikelybeheadingofftooneofthoseIvyLeague

collegesherfatherwasalwaysbraggingaboutwhenshegraduated.She'dgrowupandbecomeadoctor

oralawyer…somethinggood.Somethingimportant.

Iwouldn't.

WhereverIendedup,itwouldbeinatrailersomewhere,hopingtogodImadeenougheachweekto

coverthebills.

GirlslikeAdrianaDavisweren'tmeantforguyslikeme.

****

Nate

WhenJacksonleftonapre-partybeerrun,ItriedonemoretimetopersuadeAndithathergoingtothe

partywasaterriblefuckingidea.Stalkingdownthehallway,Ibangedonherbedroomdoorbeforeletting

myselfinside.

ThesoundofrunningwatercamefromtheensuitebathroomandIcringed.Christ,shewasinthere,

nakedandsudsy.Instantly,Iwashardasrock.HowthehellwasIgoingtocopetonight?

Icouldhardlydealwiththelooksshegotatschoolandthatwasinacontrolledenvironment.Knowing

shewouldbeleeredonbyhalfourschooltonightcausedthejealousyinsideofmetoroaritsuglyhead.

MygazehonedinonthebeigecoloreddresslyingonherbedandIbalked.

Nofuckingwaywasshewearingthat...

"Nate?"Andisquealed,suddenlyappearingfromthebathroom,wrappedinthetiniestgoddamntowel

I'deverseen."Whatareyoudoing?"HergazeflickeredfrommyfacetothedressIwasholding.

"You'renotgoingoutinthis,"Itoldher,tighteningmyholdonthescrapofmaterialinmyhand."Find

somethingelse,orbetterstill,don’tcome."

HurtandconfusionencompassedherfeaturesandIinternallycringed.Icouldnevergetitrightwith

thisgirl."Butyouaskedme…Ithoughtyouwantedmetobeyourfakegirlfriend?"shewhispered,jutting

outherdaintychin.

"Actually,thatwasJackson'sidea,"Icountered."Andahorribleoneatthat."Ididn’twanttoseethis

girlcometoanyharm.Dallaswasaviper.Ifshefeltthreatened,shewouldbeoutforAndi'sblood."Just

forgetitandstayathometonight,okay?"

"No."Herblueeyeswerecrystalclearandlockedonmyface.Herwhitishblondehairwasdrenched

andstickingtoherbodylikeablanket.Shewassodamnprettyitcausedmephysicalpain."ItoldJackson

Iwould,andIwill.I'mgoingtonightandyoucan'tstopme."

Icouldthinkofamillionwaystostopherandeveryoneofthosewaysendedwithmeontopofher.

Shakingmyheadtoclearmypervertedthoughts,Iglared."Youknowifhefindsout,Jacksonwillgetthe

bruntofit.Youdon’tbelongatthoseparties,Andi.Sojuststayaway."

AndiflinchedlikeIhadstruckher,andinaway,Ihadwithmywords.

"Whycan'tyoujustacceptme?"shedemanded,blueeyesblazingwithemotion."Whydoyoualways

havetopushmeaway,Nathan?"Shetookasteptowardsme."Wewerefriendsforsolong!"Hervoice

wastrembling,butshecontinuedtowalktowardsme."Andnowyouactlikeyoucan'tstandtobenear

me.Why,huh?Whydon’tyouwanttobenearme?"

BecauseI'minlovewithyou,Iwantedtoscreamather,andI'mnotallowedtobe!

Itwasacruelfuckingexistence;lovingtheonegirlIcouldn’thave.

Shewasofflimitstome.

NothingIdidinthislifetimewouldamounttoenoughtobeworthyofher.

Iknewit…butitdidn’tstopmefromwantingher.

Bad.

Realfuckingbad.

Whythefuckcouldn'tsherealizethat?

****

Nate

Iwasn'tproudofthewayIhadtreatedAndi.

I'dfuckedmybestfriend'slittlesister.

Takenherhardandrough…andrippedhervirginityaway.

Christ,IknewwhatIneededtodonow.

Ineededtostaythehellawayfromher…butIcouldn’t.

Becauseshewasalwaysthere.

Itwaslikeshewantedtobeapartofmypersonalbreakdown.Icouldn'tstoptheattraction.Itwas

fuckingheadyandIwasn'tstrongenoughtodenyher.

Adrianagotundermyskin.Sheaffectedmelikenoelsebeforeher.AndIwasfairlyfuckingcertainno

oneeverwouldagain.

Iwasfarfromperfectandsheknewit.Itwasinmygenes.Ageneticdickheadmutation.

Iwasmeandshewasperfect…

Withmyheadphoneson,volumepumpedtothemax,Iran.IranuntilIfeltlikepuking,andthenIran

harder.HopingIcouldshedtheskinofmypastlife,prayingIcouldridmyselfofthelabelIhadbeen

carryingaroundsinceinfancy.

ButfuckmeifIwasn'ttakingarisk.IwasriskingitallforagirlIwasn'tsurefeltformewhatIdid

forher.Itwasobsession,adesperationtobewithher.Nothinglesswoulddo.

FromasfarbackasIcouldremember,I'dbeenobsessedwithher.

ShewasdifferentandgoodandnothinglikeI'deverknownbefore.Shesmelledsodamnniceand

keptherselfpristine.Iwasn'tusedtogirlslikeher.

Goodgirls.

Richgirls.

Thiswasn'tphysicalforme.WhenitcametoAndi,itwasanallornothingsituation.Iwasn'tsharing.

Iwasn'tgivingherupeither.

Iwantedhertoknowthatthismeantmoretomethanthat.Thatshemeanteverythingtome.The

thoughtofAndithinkingthatshewaslikeanyothergirltomecausedmephysicalpain.

MostguysfromRiversidenevergotascentofagirlfromSpringHill,letalonethefeelofbeing

insideher.

Ihad.

Iwastheunluckyone,though,becausenowIhadtopretenditneverhappenedandforcethose

beautifulfuckingmemoriesfromtheforepointofmymind.

Itwascruelty.

Itwasfuckingtorture.

IknewIwasjeopardizingalifelongfriendshipbysneakingaroundwithJackson'sbelovedsister,butI

couldn'tstopmyself.Nothingseemedtobebadenoughtomakemewantto–ormakemeevenconsiderit

anoption.

IknewIwasn'tgoodenoughforher.

Ialsoknewshewouldlayonherbackformeinaheartbeat.

Thingwas,Ididn’tjustwantheronherback.

Iwantedallofher.

Iwantedhersofuckingmuch.

Jesus…

Problemwas,ifsheeverfoundoutthetruth…IfsheeverdiscoveredwhatIdid–whatIhadtodo–

shewouldrunamile…

Acknowledgments

Ihaveaheapofpeoplewho,withouttheirsupportandencouragement,IsimplycouldnotdowhatIdo.

Firstly,Iwanttothankmyreadersfortheirendlesssupportandencouragement.Thisismyfourteenth

bookandwithoutyouguysinmycorner,Iknowtheresimplywouldn’tbeabook.Youguyspickmeup

whenI'mdownandhelpmedustmyselfoffwhenItakeaspillinthiscrazy,beautifulbookworld.It's

beenalmostthreeyearssinceIpublishedmyfirstbook,andIhavemadethebestoffriendsinyouguys.I

lovethebonesofyouallandIappreciateeverythingyoudoforme.

Mybabies:AvaandDarragh.Myworld.Iwritethesebooksforyouguys.Iworkallthesecrazyhours

becauseIwanttochangetheworldforyouguys.Iloveyoubothuptotheskyandbackagain.

IhopeMammyismakingyouproud.

Myhusband,John,whohastobethebesthusbandintheworld.You'realwaysthereforme.Backingme

upwhenIneedit,andsupportingmewhenonmylowdays.You'retheloveofmylifeandnoneofthese

romanceswouldexisthadInotfoundyou.Sothankyou,Walshy.Forlovingme.Andstickinginthere

whentimesgettough.Iguess,justthankyouforhavingthesamegoalsasme.

Mam,Dad,Sinead,GrandaFrank,Aunty,JohnPayne;Iloveyouguys.Youallhadahandinraisingme

andIcanonlyhopethatIamdoingyouguysproud.

AleeshaDavis:mygotogirlandthebesteditoranybodycouldaskfor.We'vebeenworkingtogethera

whilenow,girlie,andIcansafelysaythatyouweremybestdecision.Yousomehowcopewithmydaft

waysandcrazydeadlines.You'realwaysthereformeandyoualwaysmakemefeellikeI'mapriority.I

valueourbusinessrelationshipandfriendshipmorethanyouknow.Sothankyou.

Iloveeachandeveryoneofmyniecesandnephewsequally,butIwouldlikementionmyoldestniece

Jennifer.

Jen,Iamsoproudofyouandthewonderfulpersonyouarebecoming.You'resounbelievablytalented

andIwantyoutoknowthat.Ican'twaitforthedayyoustartillustratingmybooksforme.Ihavenodoubt

thatyouwill.Iamsoproudofyouandhonoredtocallyoumyniece.

IalsowanttomentionthewonderfulauthorsIhavemetandbefriendedonthisjourney.NikkiAshton,

NicoleGoodin,DanielleTaylor,J.ACollard,RachaelTonks,AoifeMarieSheridan,J.LOstle,Louisa

Nixon,HeatherAnne,LauraMcHale,andLuciaGrace.Ilovethefriendshipswehavecreatedthroughour

loveofthewrittenword.Thankyouforbeingmyfriend.

Chloexx

Abouttheauthor

ChloeWalshisatwenty-seven-year-oldwifeandmotheroftwofromCountyCorkinthesouthofIreland.

Theyoungestoffivechildren,readingandwritingwasherescapeasachild.

InJanuary2014,shestartedtowriteaboutacocky,self-assuredmannamedKyleCarter,andfiveweeks

later,onValentine’sDay2014,sheself-publishedherdebutnovel,

BreakmyFall

,forahandfulof

friendswhohadcalledoverfortea,readbitsandpiecesofKyle,andwantedtoreadthestoryontheirE-

readersratherthanprintedsheets.

Shockingly–andnoonewasmoresurprisedthanher–thebookwasahugesuccess,reachingNo.1inthe

UKBestsellersLists.

ChloefolloweditupinApril2014withthesequel,

FalltoPieces

,vowingthatthissecondbookwould

bethefinalchapterforKyle.

Thedemandforathirdinstallmentwasoverwhelmingandaserieswasborn!Thefinalbookbecametwo:

FallonMe,

thethirdbookintheaccidentalBrokenseries,wasreleasedinAugust2014,and

Foreverwe

Fall

wasreleasedinOctober2014.

Treacherous,

thefirstbookfromherCarterKidsserieswasreleasedinMarch2015,followedby

Always

(CarterKids#1.5)inJune2015.

DiMarco’sSecretLoveChild

(Parts1&2)werereleasedinlaterMarch2015.

BlurringLines

wasreleasedinMay2015,followedby

NeverLetMeGo

,inDecember2015.

Thorn

,ishereleventhbook,andwasreleasedinFebruary2016,onthetwo-yearanniversaryofher

publishingcareer.

Tame

followedinSeptemberof2016.

Torment

,releasedinDecember2016,followedby

OffLimits

,in

January2017,bringingtofourteenthenumberofbooksChloehasunderherbelt.

Anavidreader,ChloeenjoyslurkinginacornerwithherE-reader,andplayingsports.

Shehasadeeploveforparanormalromanceandyoungadultfantasyandhopestotaketheplungeintothe

genresinthenottoodistantfuture

PlaylistforOffLimits

Musicisoneofthemostimportantpartsofmywritingprocess.

Icreateplaylistsforeachindividualcharacter.

CheckoutmySpotifywhereImakeallmyplaylistsformystories:

https://open.spotify.com/user/215l6ymtg7ulpype2otbeseji

Travis–Re-Offender

Bush–Glycerine

SamHunt–MakeYouMissMe

LittleMix–SecretLoveSong

Preset'sRemix–Closer

PictureThis–TakeMyHand

TaylorSwift–AllTooWell

TaylorSwift–YouBelongWithMe

BillyJoel–UptownGirl

AvrilLavigne–Hot

TheKillers–Mr.Brightside

Anne-Marie–Alarm

AmyStudt–UnderTheThumb

Alex&Sierra–LittleDoYouKnow

ElleKing–Myneck,Myback

TylerShaw–HouseOfCards

OhWonder–Drive

SelenaGomez–HandsToMyself

Zedd–Starving

BlakeShelton–Sangria

Sia–TheGreatest

ShelbyLynne–IOnlyWantToBeWithYou

KateVoegele–WishYouWere

MirandaLambert–Mama'sBrokenHeart

ChrisStapleton–WhiskeyAndYou

JimmyEatWorld–HearYouMe

Alex&Sierra–You'reTheOneThatIWant

Shaman'sHarvest–DirtyDiana

UrsineVulpine–WickedGames

TheKillers–RomeoandJuliet

AndyGrammer–Honey,I'mGood

UncleKracker–Smile

MattNathanson–Laid

KatieThompson–HeavenIsAPlaceOnEarth

UpcomingtitlesfromChloeWalsh

2017/2018/2019

The Clash

(Standalone)

ByChloeWalsh

Havoc

ByChloeWalsh

Holly'sStory

(Nametobeconfirmed)

(Standalone)

ByChloeWalsh

Ine vitable

(CarterKids)

ByChloeWalsh

Bre akingPoint

(BrokenSeries)

ByChloeWalsh

De re k

(BrokenSeries)

ByChloeWalsh

Came ron

(CarterKids)

ByChloeWalsh

Colton

(CarterKids)

ByChloeWalsh

Logan

(CarterKids)

ByChloeWalsh

OtherbooksbyChloeWalsh

The Broke nSe rie s:

BreakmyFall(Broken#1)

FalltoPieces(Broken#2)

FallonMe(Broken#3)

ForeverweFall(Broken#4)

The Carte rKidsSe rie s:

Treacherous(CarterKids#1)

Always(CarterKids#1.5)

Thorn(CarterKids#2)

Tame(CarterKids#3)

Torment(CarterKids#4)

BooksaboutNoahandTe agan:

Treacherous(CarterKids#1)

Thorn(CarterKids#2)

Tame(CarterKids#3)

Torment(CarterKids#4)

BooksaboutHope andJordan:

Always(CarterKids#1.5)

The DiMarcoDynasty:

DiMarco’sSecretLoveChild:PartOne

DiMarco’sSecretLoveChild:PartTwo

The FakingItSe rie s:

OffLimits

Blurre dLine s:

BlurringLines

NeverLetmeGo

FollowChloeonSocialMedia:

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/momwritesbooks/

Twitter:

https://www.twitter.com/cwalshauthor

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorChloeWalsh/

Chloe'sCloversFacebookGroup:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/788242834605964/

Website:

http://www.chloewalshauthor.com

SnapchatUsername:cwalshauthr

YoucangetintouchwithChloethroughhermanysocialmediapages,

ordropalinetotheemailaddressbelow:

info@chloewalshauthor.com

SignuptoChloe'sMailingList:

ForupdatesonChloe'supcomingworksinprogressandlatestreleasessignuptohermonthlynewsletter

byclicking

here

ToorderasignedpaperbackcopyofOffLimits

oranyofChloe'sotherbooks,visitheronlinestore

here

Document Outline

Chapter One Andi
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen

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