1
00:00:01,770 --> 00:00:03,837
[ dramatic music plays ]

2
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:24,558
-It was a four-story fall...

3
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:29,263
From the top of the roof
to the concrete pavement below.

4
00:00:29,265 --> 00:00:32,666
He had just passed
his 29th birthday.

5
00:00:38,873 --> 00:00:40,741
-911. Can I help you?

6
00:00:40,743 --> 00:00:43,277
-I need a paramedic. He fell.

7
00:00:43,279 --> 00:00:44,712
-How far did he fall?

8
00:00:44,714 --> 00:00:46,580
-He fell four stories,
which would be 40 feet.

9
00:00:46,582 --> 00:00:48,582
Blood in his mouth,
and other than that,

10
00:00:48,584 --> 00:00:50,584
I don't know
if there's any other injuries.

11
00:00:50,586 --> 00:00:53,988
-We had been texting each other
all day.

12
00:01:03,832 --> 00:01:06,834
His name was tom.

13
00:01:06,836 --> 00:01:09,770
And he was my life.

14
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At the beginning
of our relationship,

15
00:01:13,909 --> 00:01:16,777
Tom and I bonded over
the many similarities we had.

16
00:01:16,779 --> 00:01:18,045
[ sniffles ]

17
00:01:18,047 --> 00:01:19,747
We both grew up listening
to country music.

18
00:01:19,749 --> 00:01:21,749
Garth brooks is our favorite
country artist.

19
00:01:21,751 --> 00:01:23,284
[ sniffles ]

20
00:01:23,286 --> 00:01:24,618
And, somehow, we both agreed
that "the dance"

21
00:01:24,620 --> 00:01:26,787
Is our favorite country song.

22
00:01:26,789 --> 00:01:28,489
If there was ever a person

23
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To truly emulate the lyrics
of this song, it was tom.

24
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-Ãóâ"óª holding you

25
00:01:33,496 --> 00:01:35,829
-Holding you...

26
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-Ãóâ"óª I held everything
-...I held everything.

27
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-Ãóâ"óª for a moment

28
00:01:41,404 --> 00:01:42,936
-For a moment...

29
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-Ãóâ"óª wasn't I the king?
-...Wasn't I the king?

30
00:01:46,475 --> 00:01:49,977
-Ãóâ"óª but if I'd only known

31
00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:53,981
Ãóâ"óª how the king would fall

32
00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:57,351
Ãóâ"óª hey, who's to say

33
00:01:57,353 --> 00:02:01,855
Ãóâ"óª you know,
I might have changed it all Ãóâ"óª

34
00:02:01,857 --> 00:02:04,024
Ãóâ"óª and I

35
00:02:04,026 --> 00:02:07,728
Ãóâ"óª I'm glad I didn't know

36
00:02:07,730 --> 00:02:10,898
Ãóâ"óª the way it all would end

37
00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:15,769
Ãóâ"óª the way it all would go

38
00:02:15,771 --> 00:02:18,472
Ãóâ"óª our lives

39
00:02:18,474 --> 00:02:22,476
Ãóâ"óª are better left to chance

40
00:02:22,478 --> 00:02:25,813
Ãóâ"óª I could have missed the pain

41
00:02:25,815 --> 00:02:29,983
Ãóâ"óª but I'd have had to miss

42
00:02:29,985 --> 00:02:33,987
Ãóâ"óª the dance

43
00:02:33,989 --> 00:02:36,056
[ wistful country music plays ]

44
00:02:53,908 --> 00:02:57,444
-Kalispell, montana, is probably
not the easiest place

45
00:02:57,446 --> 00:02:59,947
To have a child grow up
who is gay.

46
00:02:59,949 --> 00:03:01,382
Our community is --

47
00:03:01,384 --> 00:03:03,884
You don't want to say
backwoodsy,

48
00:03:03,886 --> 00:03:05,452
But, you know, they're rural,

49
00:03:05,454 --> 00:03:09,456
And so they don't accept
people who are different.

50
00:03:09,458 --> 00:03:11,625
The day shane was born,

51
00:03:11,627 --> 00:03:13,794
I had to get a special leave
from the hospital

52
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To go sign my divorce papers.

53
00:03:15,798 --> 00:03:17,131
So I was the talk
of the hospital

54
00:03:17,133 --> 00:03:18,999
'cause we're a small,
little town,

55
00:03:19,001 --> 00:03:22,936
And [chuckles] that was kind of
a special moment in my life.

56
00:03:22,938 --> 00:03:25,406
-I think that, you know,

57
00:03:25,408 --> 00:03:28,175
They might have gotten married
too soon, possibly,

58
00:03:28,177 --> 00:03:31,011
And they kind of
just grew apart.

59
00:03:31,013 --> 00:03:33,180
My dad, he's a character.

60
00:03:33,182 --> 00:03:36,683
He was a wrestler in college,
and he loves hunting.

61
00:03:36,685 --> 00:03:39,052
I would go hunting with my dad,

62
00:03:39,054 --> 00:03:40,587
And all of a sudden,

63
00:03:40,589 --> 00:03:42,589
After he'd shoot a deer,
I would end up in tears,

64
00:03:42,591 --> 00:03:44,425
'cause I kept
thinking "bambi" --

65
00:03:44,427 --> 00:03:46,627
Like, "my dad just shot
bambi."

66
00:03:46,629 --> 00:03:49,096
After a while,
he stopped taking me hunting.

67
00:03:49,098 --> 00:03:51,899
I made a deal with my dad,
growing up,

68
00:03:51,901 --> 00:03:54,701
That I would try
all different sports.

69
00:03:54,703 --> 00:03:56,069
-He tried baseball.

70
00:03:56,071 --> 00:03:57,704
He tried basketball.

71
00:03:57,706 --> 00:03:59,039
He tried them all.

72
00:03:59,041 --> 00:04:01,542
I remember one loss they had,

73
00:04:01,544 --> 00:04:04,578
And shane hardly played at all,
but, boy, he took it hard.

74
00:04:04,580 --> 00:04:06,079
And that was pretty cute,

75
00:04:06,081 --> 00:04:08,649
But he wasn't much
of a contributor.

76
00:04:08,651 --> 00:04:12,486
-My first memory of shane
was at a school play,

77
00:04:12,488 --> 00:04:14,588
And he was just singing,
dancing --

78
00:04:14,590 --> 00:04:17,491
Whatever he could do
to entertain, he was doing it.

79
00:04:17,493 --> 00:04:20,928
We had made a car.
We used red glitter.

80
00:04:20,930 --> 00:04:24,731
And shane wanted that car
like none other.

81
00:04:24,733 --> 00:04:26,066
-He was in fourth grade,

82
00:04:26,068 --> 00:04:28,469
And I remember
him telling his teacher

83
00:04:28,471 --> 00:04:31,038
That, when he graduated
from high school,

84
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,840
He was going to california.

85
00:04:32,842 --> 00:04:34,808
And I just thought,
"why is that?"

86
00:04:34,810 --> 00:04:36,910
You know,
that just seemed so strange.

87
00:04:36,912 --> 00:04:40,514
-I particularly remember
him singing barbra streisand.

88
00:04:40,516 --> 00:04:42,015
He was running
around the room in circles

89
00:04:42,017 --> 00:04:43,684
And singing
right in everyone's face --

90
00:04:43,686 --> 00:04:45,819
Ãóâ"óª you don't bring me flowers

91
00:04:45,821 --> 00:04:49,122
Like, just so charismatic
and so unafraid.

92
00:04:49,124 --> 00:04:50,724
-I was in elementary school,

93
00:04:50,726 --> 00:04:52,092
And what I would do sometimes
is --

94
00:04:52,094 --> 00:04:53,594
I didn't want to go to bed,

95
00:04:53,596 --> 00:04:54,761
And my mom
would tell me to go to bed,

96
00:04:54,763 --> 00:04:56,497
And then I would sneak out

97
00:04:56,499 --> 00:04:59,066
And sit behind her recliner
and watch the tv,

98
00:04:59,068 --> 00:05:01,034
'cause I wanted
to kind of be a little rebel.

99
00:05:01,036 --> 00:05:03,237
One time, she was watching
the movie "philadelphia."

100
00:05:03,239 --> 00:05:04,705
[ choir singing in latin ]

101
00:05:04,707 --> 00:05:06,240
Finally,
it got to the end of the movie,

102
00:05:06,242 --> 00:05:08,509
And I knew
that this guy was gay,

103
00:05:08,511 --> 00:05:09,943
And I knew that he was sick

104
00:05:09,945 --> 00:05:12,212
And he was dying
because of being gay,

105
00:05:12,214 --> 00:05:14,748
And that really --
it struck a chord with me

106
00:05:14,750 --> 00:05:18,785
'cause I knew
that...I was like him.

107
00:05:18,787 --> 00:05:21,588
That guy liked another guy,
and look what happened --

108
00:05:21,590 --> 00:05:23,724
He kept getting thinner,
he kept getting pale,

109
00:05:23,726 --> 00:05:26,293
And there was like sores
on his face and his body,

110
00:05:26,295 --> 00:05:30,197
And I just remember thinking
that, "that's gonna be me.

111
00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:32,733
That's gonna happen to me."

112
00:05:34,302 --> 00:05:36,870
-He got quieter,

113
00:05:36,872 --> 00:05:39,139
And he wasn't as fun
to be around.

114
00:05:39,141 --> 00:05:41,308
You could tell that something
was always on his mind,

115
00:05:41,310 --> 00:05:42,843
Something was always
bothering him,

116
00:05:42,845 --> 00:05:44,311
But you never knew
what it was.

117
00:05:44,313 --> 00:05:47,047
-One night, I remember
shane coming into my room,

118
00:05:47,049 --> 00:05:50,150
And he said,
"mom, I'm dying of a.I.D.S."

119
00:05:50,152 --> 00:05:53,820
And I said, "honey,
why are you saying that?"

120
00:05:53,822 --> 00:05:56,123
And he goes,
"well, because of that movie."

121
00:05:56,125 --> 00:05:59,326
And I said, "well, honey,
you don't have a.I.D.S."

122
00:05:59,328 --> 00:06:01,061
And that's when I really noticed

123
00:06:01,063 --> 00:06:03,096
Shane starting to have
panic attacks.

124
00:06:03,098 --> 00:06:05,065
-He felt like
he couldn't breathe.

125
00:06:05,067 --> 00:06:07,768
And we would have to say,

126
00:06:07,770 --> 00:06:09,870
"you've got to put a sack
over your head."

127
00:06:09,872 --> 00:06:11,672
He didn't like doing it,

128
00:06:11,674 --> 00:06:15,042
But when he was at my house,
we put a sack over his head.

129
00:06:15,044 --> 00:06:16,743
-So as time went on,

130
00:06:16,745 --> 00:06:19,580
I would sneak into one
of the bedrooms in our house

131
00:06:19,582 --> 00:06:22,616
And I would dial 911
and tell them that I was dying.

132
00:06:22,618 --> 00:06:23,951
-And all of a sudden,

133
00:06:23,953 --> 00:06:25,986
I see these flashing lights
in the driveway,

134
00:06:25,988 --> 00:06:28,088
And I thought,
"what is going on?"

135
00:06:28,090 --> 00:06:30,857
And I go upstairs,
and here is the ambulance

136
00:06:30,859 --> 00:06:32,993
Saying that somebody
is in distress in this home.

137
00:06:32,995 --> 00:06:34,995
Somebody was choking.
Somebody was suffocating.

138
00:06:34,997 --> 00:06:38,031
-It led to her being like,
you know, "shane, god damn it!

139
00:06:38,033 --> 00:06:39,900
The cops are here again."

140
00:06:39,902 --> 00:06:42,736
-From sixth grade, till I got
that kid through high school,

141
00:06:42,738 --> 00:06:44,638
I didn't know
if I was gonna survive.

142
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:47,874
I bet 10, 15 times
he called 911.

143
00:06:47,876 --> 00:06:49,676
The money [chuckles]

144
00:06:49,678 --> 00:06:53,046
That it, you know,
cost me through the years --

145
00:06:53,048 --> 00:06:55,248
It was very stressful.

146
00:06:55,250 --> 00:06:58,919
But it was real to him,
and I knew it was real to him,

147
00:06:58,921 --> 00:07:01,388
And I wanted him to feel
he was safe.

148
00:07:01,390 --> 00:07:03,123
-She finally decided

149
00:07:03,125 --> 00:07:06,627
That this is maybe more serious
than she can handle,

150
00:07:06,629 --> 00:07:09,029
So she set me up
with a therapist.

151
00:07:09,031 --> 00:07:10,831
-When shane got done
with his session,

152
00:07:10,833 --> 00:07:12,366
He asked me to come in,
and he said,

153
00:07:12,368 --> 00:07:15,135
"your son just needs to admit
to himself that he's gay,

154
00:07:15,137 --> 00:07:17,204
And everything will be fine."

155
00:07:17,206 --> 00:07:19,306
And I said,
"how can you say that?

156
00:07:19,308 --> 00:07:20,707
He's not gay."

157
00:07:20,709 --> 00:07:23,777
And doctor hausser said,
"well, you know,

158
00:07:23,779 --> 00:07:25,746
That's something you're gonna
have to come to peace with."

159
00:07:25,748 --> 00:07:28,815
-I always suspected --
I'm not gonna lie to you.

160
00:07:28,817 --> 00:07:31,218
It took me a couple days
to process,

161
00:07:31,220 --> 00:07:32,686
And the thing
it come down to is,

162
00:07:32,688 --> 00:07:34,087
"I ain't making any more kids --

163
00:07:34,089 --> 00:07:36,089
I better stay in good
with the ones I got."

164
00:07:36,091 --> 00:07:40,027
And I love him unconditionally,
so it just doesn't matter.

165
00:07:40,029 --> 00:07:43,096
-It's kind of funny now that,
here I was a little boy,

166
00:07:43,098 --> 00:07:47,034
On my knees, praying to god
that I wouldn't be gay,

167
00:07:47,036 --> 00:07:48,769
And there was another little boy

168
00:07:48,771 --> 00:07:53,040
1,500 miles away in indiana
doing the same thing.

169
00:07:53,042 --> 00:07:55,375
-Knox, indiana,
is not the easiest place

170
00:07:55,377 --> 00:07:57,010
For a gay kid to grow up.

171
00:07:57,012 --> 00:08:01,348
It's very homogenous --
not much diversity there.

172
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:03,316
I knew tom

173
00:08:03,318 --> 00:08:06,086
When both of our brothers
were in boy scouts together.

174
00:08:06,088 --> 00:08:07,354
Everybody loved him.

175
00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:09,356
And he was just the popular kid.

176
00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:11,024
He had a lot of empathy.

177
00:08:11,026 --> 00:08:14,194
I'll never forget,
the day my mom died,

178
00:08:14,196 --> 00:08:17,230
Tom was the first person
to come over to my house.

179
00:08:17,232 --> 00:08:21,435
He walked in the door,
and he was crying --

180
00:08:21,437 --> 00:08:23,336
You know, almost like
he's sadder than I am.

181
00:08:23,338 --> 00:08:25,372
Tom's mother and father
each had children

182
00:08:25,374 --> 00:08:27,007
From previous marriages.

183
00:08:27,009 --> 00:08:30,277
So, tom was the only child
between the two parents,

184
00:08:30,279 --> 00:08:32,779
And he was the center
of attention in the family.

185
00:08:32,781 --> 00:08:34,481
He was the center of attention
everywhere he was.

186
00:08:34,483 --> 00:08:37,217
Tom would always be playing the
piano at home,

187
00:08:37,219 --> 00:08:39,019
Singing, dancing around.

188
00:08:39,021 --> 00:08:40,454
-Ãóâ"óª come on, baby

189
00:08:40,456 --> 00:08:41,855
Ãóâ"óª you're driving me crazy

190
00:08:41,857 --> 00:08:43,156
Ãóâ"óª goodness gracious

191
00:08:43,158 --> 00:08:44,958
Ãóâ"óª great balls of fire!

192
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,727
-He was doing his tricks
on the trampoline,

193
00:08:46,729 --> 00:08:48,195
And he was always performing.

194
00:08:48,197 --> 00:08:51,064
For tom, there was never
any such thing as too much.

195
00:08:51,066 --> 00:08:55,302
Tom's dad, he was a simple
blue-collar worker,

196
00:08:55,304 --> 00:08:57,137
Came home late, got up really
early the next day,

197
00:08:57,139 --> 00:08:58,939
And, you know, did it again.

198
00:08:58,941 --> 00:09:02,309
Both of his parents sacrificed
a lot for tom's happiness.

199
00:09:02,311 --> 00:09:07,380
His mom took a job as a janitor
so that tom could go to culver.

200
00:09:07,382 --> 00:09:09,182
Not many parents
would do that --

201
00:09:09,184 --> 00:09:11,384
Would start cleaning toilets
so their son could have

202
00:09:11,386 --> 00:09:12,853
The best education.

203
00:09:12,855 --> 00:09:16,289
Tom's dad was in vietnam,
and that's why

204
00:09:16,291 --> 00:09:18,291
He went to vietnam
when he was in high school.

205
00:09:18,293 --> 00:09:21,795
He definitely respected his dad
for fighting for his country.

206
00:09:21,797 --> 00:09:26,833
I think, as tom got older,
as tom became his own person,

207
00:09:26,835 --> 00:09:29,002
It just became difficult
for them to connect.

208
00:09:29,004 --> 00:09:30,370
Tom was always very adamant

209
00:09:30,372 --> 00:09:32,272
About saying
what he believed in,

210
00:09:32,274 --> 00:09:35,375
And it didn't work with his dad.

211
00:09:35,377 --> 00:09:38,311
[ rap music plays ]

212
00:09:38,313 --> 00:09:41,014
-And it's sad,
but I really think that,

213
00:09:41,016 --> 00:09:45,852
If more people would give me
a chance to be their friend,

214
00:09:45,854 --> 00:09:48,121
I could show them that,

215
00:09:48,123 --> 00:09:50,023
Just 'cause
I'm not exactly like them,

216
00:09:50,025 --> 00:09:51,525
That I'm still
a good person.

217
00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:55,228
Hi. How's it going?

218
00:09:56,397 --> 00:09:57,998
[ laughing ] what?

219
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,534
I'm just coming
to get the usual.

220
00:10:01,803 --> 00:10:03,170
All right. Thank you.

221
00:10:03,172 --> 00:10:04,571
It's kind of pathetic

222
00:10:04,573 --> 00:10:05,972
If they know exactly what I get
every time.

223
00:10:05,974 --> 00:10:07,274
In kalispell, seriously,

224
00:10:07,276 --> 00:10:09,209
There's tons of people
at dairy queen.

225
00:10:09,211 --> 00:10:11,077
It's the cool place to be.

226
00:10:11,079 --> 00:10:12,379
[ laughing ] yeah, let's see.

227
00:10:12,381 --> 00:10:13,513
What?

228
00:10:13,515 --> 00:10:15,015
She just closed the camera.

229
00:10:15,017 --> 00:10:16,516
Oh, there's -- there's --

230
00:10:16,518 --> 00:10:18,218
[ laughs ]

231
00:10:18,220 --> 00:10:20,554
Oh, geez.
They closed the windows.

232
00:10:20,556 --> 00:10:22,088
I actually worked here,

233
00:10:22,090 --> 00:10:24,991
But I didn't tell people
that I worked here.

234
00:10:24,993 --> 00:10:26,226
I have to admit

235
00:10:26,228 --> 00:10:27,828
That I want to be
one of those people

236
00:10:27,830 --> 00:10:29,229
That people are like,
"ooh!

237
00:10:29,231 --> 00:10:31,364
Whoa! He looks good."

238
00:10:31,366 --> 00:10:32,999
'cause I enjoy running,

239
00:10:33,001 --> 00:10:36,136
But when I run, it's on
a treadmill in our house,

240
00:10:36,138 --> 00:10:38,205
Because I do not want
people seeing me running.

241
00:10:38,207 --> 00:10:41,474
I do not want people to see me,
really, at all.

242
00:10:41,476 --> 00:10:44,277
The one thing that I wanted

243
00:10:44,279 --> 00:10:48,014
Was just someone that I could
talk to and relate to,

244
00:10:48,016 --> 00:10:51,084
That accepted me for being me.

245
00:10:51,086 --> 00:10:55,188
I developed a crush
for a guy named matt parker.

246
00:10:55,190 --> 00:10:58,091
And we would spend the night
at each other's houses

247
00:10:58,093 --> 00:10:59,159
All the time.

248
00:10:59,161 --> 00:11:01,394
We would play basketball
outside.

249
00:11:01,396 --> 00:11:03,597
We were just best friends.

250
00:11:03,599 --> 00:11:06,466
It was in high school
that I finally got the courage

251
00:11:06,468 --> 00:11:10,503
To tell matt how I felt,
and I wrote him a love letter.

252
00:11:10,505 --> 00:11:12,038
I was nervous.

253
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,975
I was so nervous
about giving him the letter.

254
00:11:14,977 --> 00:11:18,245
But he had to tell me
that he's not gay.

255
00:11:18,247 --> 00:11:21,181
And it broke my heart,
but at the same time,

256
00:11:21,183 --> 00:11:24,918
I was still so happy that
he was willing to be my friend.

257
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:27,921
-There was a situation with
a couple friends in high school,

258
00:11:27,923 --> 00:11:29,289
And they were questioning
his sexuality

259
00:11:29,291 --> 00:11:30,423
And kind of were,
you know, mocking him,

260
00:11:30,425 --> 00:11:32,092
Making fun of him,

261
00:11:32,094 --> 00:11:33,994
And a couple of his friends
completely shunning him.

262
00:11:33,996 --> 00:11:36,029
-I got a phone call from one
of his best friend's mother,

263
00:11:36,031 --> 00:11:37,063
And she wanted me to come over.

264
00:11:37,065 --> 00:11:38,965
She was very upset.

265
00:11:38,967 --> 00:11:41,468
-Once my mom told me that she
was going over to matt's house,

266
00:11:41,470 --> 00:11:43,503
I knew immediately
this was not gonna be good.

267
00:11:43,505 --> 00:11:46,473
-It wasn't, you know,
really a love, love letter.

268
00:11:46,475 --> 00:11:48,208
It was just,
you know, he admired matt,

269
00:11:48,210 --> 00:11:50,343
He enjoyed his time,

270
00:11:50,345 --> 00:11:53,647
And it was just, I thought,
like a good friendship letter.

271
00:11:53,649 --> 00:11:55,615
-It was nothing distasteful.

272
00:11:55,617 --> 00:11:57,284
It was nothing sexual.

273
00:11:57,286 --> 00:12:01,054
It was just telling him
how he felt about him.

274
00:12:01,056 --> 00:12:03,323
-I let her say
everything she wanted to say,

275
00:12:03,325 --> 00:12:05,058
And after she was done,
I just told her,

276
00:12:05,060 --> 00:12:06,960
I said, "you'll never have
to worry about this again,

277
00:12:06,962 --> 00:12:08,428
Because shane will never
be around matt,

278
00:12:08,430 --> 00:12:10,130
And I don't to ever hear
from you again."

279
00:12:10,132 --> 00:12:11,698
I don't want to say
what I really told her.

280
00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:14,100
It wasn't polite,
and I just told her, basically,

281
00:12:14,102 --> 00:12:17,704
Take the flying leap
and to leave my son alone.

282
00:12:17,706 --> 00:12:20,206
-Matt's parents were
very prominent in the community.

283
00:12:20,208 --> 00:12:21,975
His dad was a principal.

284
00:12:21,977 --> 00:12:23,476
His mom was a teacher.

285
00:12:23,478 --> 00:12:24,978
I was told by the principal

286
00:12:24,980 --> 00:12:26,112
That I wasn't allowed

287
00:12:26,114 --> 00:12:27,580
To go to any sporting events,

288
00:12:27,582 --> 00:12:29,249
Because matt was on the teams.

289
00:12:29,251 --> 00:12:30,951
-That was the big place to be.

290
00:12:30,953 --> 00:12:33,486
That was where everyone
in town was,

291
00:12:33,488 --> 00:12:35,288
And shane wasn't welcome.

292
00:12:35,290 --> 00:12:37,624
-Matt was also in the same
church community,

293
00:12:37,626 --> 00:12:39,359
And shane wasn't able

294
00:12:39,361 --> 00:12:42,595
To go on a very important trip
with his youth group.

295
00:12:42,597 --> 00:12:44,965
-Matt's parents made it
so he couldn't go,

296
00:12:44,967 --> 00:12:46,967
And he had raised all this money
to go on this trip,

297
00:12:46,969 --> 00:12:48,535
And he was devastated.

298
00:12:48,537 --> 00:12:50,337
He acted
like it was no big deal,

299
00:12:50,339 --> 00:12:51,738
But you could tell he was hurt.

300
00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:53,573
-Once this letter came out,

301
00:12:53,575 --> 00:12:58,278
This boy and his parents went
and shouted it to the world.

302
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:01,648
Kids at school were constantly
picking on him.

303
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:03,383
-He wasn't accepted anymore.

304
00:13:03,385 --> 00:13:04,517
They called him gay.

305
00:13:04,519 --> 00:13:06,252
They called him fag.

306
00:13:06,254 --> 00:13:09,122
The names that they called him
were just horrendous.

307
00:13:09,124 --> 00:13:13,059
-There's a mentality
of the "cowboy way,"

308
00:13:13,061 --> 00:13:17,163
Which does not include
people that are gay.

309
00:13:17,165 --> 00:13:19,099
So it's a tough place.

310
00:13:19,101 --> 00:13:21,501
-Before he was banned,
shane was at a football game,

311
00:13:21,503 --> 00:13:24,337
And all these kids started
spitting in this cup.

312
00:13:24,339 --> 00:13:26,639
And next thing I know,
the one kid

313
00:13:26,641 --> 00:13:29,376
That used to be a real good
friend of shane's had this cup,

314
00:13:29,378 --> 00:13:31,745
And he was just about ready
to tip it on shane's head.

315
00:13:31,747 --> 00:13:34,414
And [snaps fingers] let me
tell you -- if you want to talk

316
00:13:34,416 --> 00:13:36,616
About a mother bear
protecting her cub,

317
00:13:36,618 --> 00:13:38,451
This woman came unglued.

318
00:13:38,453 --> 00:13:42,255
I said, "you put that damn cup
down, and leave him alone."

319
00:13:42,257 --> 00:13:44,624
It was just heartbreaking
to see that happen to my son.

320
00:13:44,626 --> 00:13:49,162
-It was after all the drama
with matt and his family

321
00:13:49,164 --> 00:13:52,699
That I just went
to a really dark place,

322
00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:55,068
And I had a breakdown.

323
00:13:55,070 --> 00:13:56,803
-I got a call from the school
informing me

324
00:13:56,805 --> 00:13:58,738
My son hasn't been to school
for two weeks.

325
00:13:58,740 --> 00:14:02,142
-Other kids made his life
literally a living hell,

326
00:14:02,144 --> 00:14:03,643
And it never really got better,

327
00:14:03,645 --> 00:14:05,812
And I don't think he ever saw
it would get better,

328
00:14:05,814 --> 00:14:07,747
And that's why
he just stopped going.

329
00:14:07,749 --> 00:14:10,717
-One evening,
all three daughters and I

330
00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:12,819
Went to the furniture store,

331
00:14:12,821 --> 00:14:14,621
And it was his birthday,

332
00:14:14,623 --> 00:14:18,558
And he was by himself,
just hanging out with his mom.

333
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,393
He was very depressed.

334
00:14:20,395 --> 00:14:21,761
He was not shane.

335
00:14:21,763 --> 00:14:24,631
He was like a shell of himself.

336
00:14:24,633 --> 00:14:27,634
-I was sick of the embarrassment
and the pain

337
00:14:27,636 --> 00:14:30,103
That I was bringing
to my family.

338
00:14:30,105 --> 00:14:33,807
I felt like the only way that
I can make their lives better

339
00:14:33,809 --> 00:14:37,277
Is by taking my own.

340
00:14:37,279 --> 00:14:39,779
I was at my dad's house,
I was home alone,

341
00:14:39,781 --> 00:14:44,751
And I just walked
over to his gun case.

342
00:14:44,753 --> 00:14:47,454
And I took one of the guns,

343
00:14:47,456 --> 00:14:49,089
And I just went
back in the living room,

344
00:14:49,091 --> 00:14:51,224
And I just sat there,
and I held it.

345
00:14:51,226 --> 00:14:52,625
I mean,
there was so many thoughts,

346
00:14:52,627 --> 00:14:54,427
Like, going through my head
at that moment.

347
00:14:54,429 --> 00:14:56,496
It was like for over an hour,
just really contemplating,

348
00:14:56,498 --> 00:14:58,665
Like, what my next step
should be.

349
00:14:58,667 --> 00:15:01,468
Fortunately,
I also thought through

350
00:15:01,470 --> 00:15:04,604
In that it wouldn't be fair
to my family.

351
00:15:04,606 --> 00:15:06,339
It wouldn't be fair to my mom.

352
00:15:06,341 --> 00:15:08,108
And I just had to visualize

353
00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:10,510
What the experience
would be like for them

354
00:15:10,512 --> 00:15:11,778
If I did take my life.

355
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:15,815
And it wouldn't be worth it.

356
00:15:15,817 --> 00:15:18,885
Also, on some level,
I must have believed

357
00:15:18,887 --> 00:15:22,122
That, somehow, someday,

358
00:15:22,124 --> 00:15:24,457
There's gonna be someone
out there

359
00:15:24,459 --> 00:15:26,326
Who's gonna love me for me.

360
00:15:26,328 --> 00:15:28,394
-[ vocalizing ]

361
00:15:33,734 --> 00:15:35,702
-Tom just had this presence.

362
00:15:35,704 --> 00:15:37,237
He had this energy.

363
00:15:37,239 --> 00:15:39,639
He was always singing
and laughing

364
00:15:39,641 --> 00:15:41,508
And enjoying life so much.

365
00:15:41,510 --> 00:15:43,676
-Ãóâ"óª there was a decorated general
with a heart of gold Ãóâ"óª

366
00:15:43,678 --> 00:15:45,512
-He was at the top of his class.

367
00:15:45,514 --> 00:15:49,149
He was a leader
in all aspects of the word,

368
00:15:49,151 --> 00:15:52,152
In sports, and in school.

369
00:15:52,154 --> 00:15:53,686
-Ãóâ"óª on the battlefield...

370
00:15:53,688 --> 00:15:55,288
-Every time you met tom,

371
00:15:55,290 --> 00:15:57,924
It felt like you were meeting
your best friend.

372
00:15:57,926 --> 00:15:59,893
And it didn't matter
who you were --

373
00:15:59,895 --> 00:16:01,294
He always had your back.

374
00:16:01,296 --> 00:16:02,929
I think tom went to culver

375
00:16:02,931 --> 00:16:05,365
Instead of the high school
in his hometown

376
00:16:05,367 --> 00:16:07,300
Because he saw
it as an opportunity

377
00:16:07,302 --> 00:16:09,169
To open his horizons,

378
00:16:09,171 --> 00:16:12,639
And, you know, his parents
played a big role in that.

379
00:16:12,641 --> 00:16:14,541
His mom worked at culver

380
00:16:14,543 --> 00:16:17,410
Primarily so that they could
afford the reduced tuition

381
00:16:17,412 --> 00:16:21,548
So that tom would have
all those opportunities.

382
00:16:21,550 --> 00:16:23,283
He came out to me
our senior year.

383
00:16:23,285 --> 00:16:25,652
It was at night, and we were
sitting in the grass,

384
00:16:25,654 --> 00:16:28,354
And I remember he got really
serious all of a sudden,

385
00:16:28,356 --> 00:16:31,191
And he said, "I have something
to tell you --

386
00:16:31,193 --> 00:16:32,492
I'm gay."

387
00:16:32,494 --> 00:16:33,893
Then he put his head in his lap,

388
00:16:33,895 --> 00:16:35,795
And he was crying
and really emotional about it.

389
00:16:35,797 --> 00:16:37,931
I think he was really afraid
of being judged.

390
00:16:37,933 --> 00:16:39,766
It didn't surprise me at all.

391
00:16:39,768 --> 00:16:42,302
This is coming
from my friend who,

392
00:16:42,304 --> 00:16:44,237
Probably three or four
weeks ago,

393
00:16:44,239 --> 00:16:45,805
Was singing "I'm a barbie girl,"

394
00:16:45,807 --> 00:16:49,342
While jumping on a trampoline
in his backyard.

395
00:16:49,344 --> 00:16:53,279
-He knew everybody,
and everybody knew him.

396
00:16:53,281 --> 00:16:55,915
I felt like
my popularity scale rose

397
00:16:55,917 --> 00:16:58,585
Just because
I hung out with him.

398
00:16:58,587 --> 00:17:01,988
Tom was friends
with anne hathaway in school.

399
00:17:01,990 --> 00:17:05,258
He also was friends
with tom hanks' daughter.

400
00:17:05,260 --> 00:17:08,294
I never could wrap
my mind around it,

401
00:17:08,296 --> 00:17:10,697
Because here was tom,
this sort of midwestern,

402
00:17:10,699 --> 00:17:14,434
Corn-fed,
american-pie-eating guy,

403
00:17:14,436 --> 00:17:17,604
Who came
from this tiny town in indiana,

404
00:17:17,606 --> 00:17:19,672
Who then went
to military school.

405
00:17:19,674 --> 00:17:21,774
He was able
to get along and succeed

406
00:17:21,776 --> 00:17:25,445
In that entire social circle
and academic circle

407
00:17:25,447 --> 00:17:28,248
And then went to vassar,
which is this liberal place

408
00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:30,450
And a completely different vibe.

409
00:17:30,452 --> 00:17:32,785
He just sort of was magic.

410
00:17:32,787 --> 00:17:37,857
-Tom, for as beautiful as he was
and, you know [chuckles]

411
00:17:37,859 --> 00:17:40,793
The fact that he knew
how beautiful he was,

412
00:17:40,795 --> 00:17:44,464
He did not care at all
about how other people looked.

413
00:17:44,466 --> 00:17:46,466
And he did not care
where you came from,

414
00:17:46,468 --> 00:17:47,934
What car you drove.

415
00:17:47,936 --> 00:17:52,372
He just accepted anybody
and everybody for who they were,

416
00:17:52,374 --> 00:17:54,340
And I think because he was gay

417
00:17:54,342 --> 00:17:55,775
And because
he knew what it was like

418
00:17:55,777 --> 00:17:58,845
To be not the mainstream,
normal person.

419
00:17:58,847 --> 00:18:00,580
He told me many times

420
00:18:00,582 --> 00:18:03,283
How much he respected me because
I was hearing-impaired.

421
00:18:03,285 --> 00:18:05,518
What 20-something-year-old
says to you,

422
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,687
"wow, you're amazing --
you've done so much"?

423
00:18:07,689 --> 00:18:09,489
"I'm in total awe of you --"

424
00:18:09,491 --> 00:18:10,823
Who says that? Nobody.

425
00:18:10,825 --> 00:18:13,559
-[ singing classical music
in latin ]

426
00:18:13,561 --> 00:18:16,329
[ piano playing ]

427
00:18:16,331 --> 00:18:18,798
-He gave recitals
of classical music.

428
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,501
He wrote
incredibly heartfelt lyrics.

429
00:18:21,503 --> 00:18:24,704
But he was tough,
'cause he could kick your ass.

430
00:18:24,706 --> 00:18:27,507
He could wrestle you down.

431
00:18:27,509 --> 00:18:29,709
I know
that his dad was very stern.

432
00:18:29,711 --> 00:18:34,013
The idea of manhood
and masculinity

433
00:18:34,015 --> 00:18:35,848
And presenting yourself
in a certain way

434
00:18:35,850 --> 00:18:37,884
Was important to him.

435
00:18:37,886 --> 00:18:42,522
I think he wanted to have tom
basically play that role.

436
00:18:42,524 --> 00:18:45,491
And tom knew
how to play it very well.

437
00:18:45,493 --> 00:18:46,759
There was definitely

438
00:18:46,761 --> 00:18:50,063
An unspoken understanding
between tom and I

439
00:18:50,065 --> 00:18:51,764
That he was gay.

440
00:18:51,766 --> 00:18:53,399
And I know
that was a struggle for him,

441
00:18:53,401 --> 00:18:54,867
Because he still hadn't told
his parents.

442
00:18:54,869 --> 00:18:57,737
I think tom
was literally worried

443
00:18:57,739 --> 00:18:59,972
That his dad would kill him.

444
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:06,846
-Well, I'm leaving kalispell
right now,

445
00:19:06,848 --> 00:19:08,848
And it's roughly 3:00.

446
00:19:08,850 --> 00:19:12,085
And, yep, I am nervous.

447
00:19:12,087 --> 00:19:14,020
I have been talking
to my family,

448
00:19:14,022 --> 00:19:16,756
And everyone's crying
and doing that whole thing.

449
00:19:16,758 --> 00:19:18,124
I'm gonna be on my cellphone

450
00:19:18,126 --> 00:19:20,526
So it looks like
I'm not talking to myself.

451
00:19:20,528 --> 00:19:23,463
Everyone gave me money
and told me to be safe.

452
00:19:23,465 --> 00:19:25,398
So, here I go.

453
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,735
-After graduation,
he got a scholarship

454
00:19:28,737 --> 00:19:31,137
To go to the school
here in town.

455
00:19:31,139 --> 00:19:33,639
[ voice breaking ]
and so it was hard

456
00:19:33,641 --> 00:19:35,541
For me to not have him take it.

457
00:19:35,543 --> 00:19:37,577
'cause he wanted
to go to california.

458
00:19:37,579 --> 00:19:40,613
-I knew,
when he went to hollywood,

459
00:19:40,615 --> 00:19:42,648
He was going to be okay,

460
00:19:42,650 --> 00:19:45,918
And he can mix in with
where a lot of gay people were.

461
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,454
-I didn't even know
he [chuckling] went to --

462
00:19:48,456 --> 00:19:49,622
[ normal voice ]
my mind is gone.

463
00:19:49,624 --> 00:19:51,491
I can't remember many things.

464
00:19:51,493 --> 00:19:54,394
-Ãóâ"óª I love rock 'n' roll

465
00:19:54,396 --> 00:19:57,630
Ãóâ"óª put another dime
in the jukebox, baby Ãóâ"óª

466
00:19:57,632 --> 00:19:59,766
-Ãóâ"óª what you are

467
00:19:59,768 --> 00:20:03,169
Ãóâ"óª we made you

468
00:20:03,171 --> 00:20:06,839
Ãóâ"óª oh, if you really love me

469
00:20:06,841 --> 00:20:12,945
[ vocalizing ]

470
00:20:12,947 --> 00:20:17,784
Ãóâ"óª a whole new wo-o-o-o-o-o-rld

471
00:20:17,786 --> 00:20:21,921
Ãóâ"óª that's where we'll be

472
00:20:21,923 --> 00:20:23,489
-We first met shane

473
00:20:23,491 --> 00:20:25,958
At a family wedding
in missoula, montana.

474
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,795
He said, "eventually,
I'd like to move to california."

475
00:20:28,797 --> 00:20:30,163
Well, three months later,

476
00:20:30,165 --> 00:20:32,832
We got a phone call from him
that he was here.

477
00:20:32,834 --> 00:20:35,535
-So we kind of tried
to steer him --

478
00:20:35,537 --> 00:20:38,104
Helping him get a job,
a place to live.

479
00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:41,607
And we became
like his adopted parents.

480
00:20:41,609 --> 00:20:44,844
-I think he was barely
18 years old,

481
00:20:44,846 --> 00:20:48,681
This thin kid with curly hair,

482
00:20:48,683 --> 00:20:51,651
Out of montana
into the big city.

483
00:20:51,653 --> 00:20:53,953
He was very quiet,
very reserved.

484
00:20:53,955 --> 00:20:56,055
-He showed me some head shots
that he took.

485
00:20:56,057 --> 00:20:59,459
-He had wavy, wavy hair,
and he looked like liberace.

486
00:20:59,461 --> 00:21:00,893
-Oh. Right. Right, right.

487
00:21:00,895 --> 00:21:02,762
-And I thought, "oh, my god."
-right.

488
00:21:02,764 --> 00:21:04,497
-"what am I gonna tell
this kid?"

489
00:21:04,499 --> 00:21:07,233
Shane said
he wanted to be an actor.

490
00:21:07,235 --> 00:21:09,735
But after a very short time,
it became clear

491
00:21:09,737 --> 00:21:12,171
He just wanted
to get to california.

492
00:21:12,173 --> 00:21:14,540
-I got a job working
as a production assistant

493
00:21:14,542 --> 00:21:15,708
For a tv show.

494
00:21:15,710 --> 00:21:19,745
-Shane and I met
in the tape vault,

495
00:21:19,747 --> 00:21:21,647
And it was pretty much
love at first sight.

496
00:21:21,649 --> 00:21:25,084
He's got that small-town
kind of quality to him.

497
00:21:25,086 --> 00:21:29,856
He's just so likeable
and funny and so humble.

498
00:21:29,858 --> 00:21:34,961
Shane doesn't necessarily see
sort of what everyone else sees.

499
00:21:34,963 --> 00:21:37,964
-One of my friends
that I worked with,

500
00:21:37,966 --> 00:21:40,633
She invited me to go bowling
with one of her friends.

501
00:21:40,635 --> 00:21:42,502
-We had this idea

502
00:21:42,504 --> 00:21:45,571
That we had to get tom and shane
to meet each other.

503
00:21:45,573 --> 00:21:49,876
But we didn't tell them
that it was a setup.

504
00:21:49,878 --> 00:21:53,513
-She said that there was gonna
be this guy there named tom

505
00:21:53,515 --> 00:21:55,781
And that he's active
in the industry,

506
00:21:55,783 --> 00:21:58,784
So she thought that maybe
it would be a good person

507
00:21:58,786 --> 00:22:00,052
To be connected with.

508
00:22:00,054 --> 00:22:01,120
-We get there.

509
00:22:01,122 --> 00:22:03,222
He is ridiculously attractive --

510
00:22:03,224 --> 00:22:06,692
Gorgeous, if you will --
so charismatic.

511
00:22:06,694 --> 00:22:08,728
He was an actor.

512
00:22:08,730 --> 00:22:11,230
I think he had been
in a few things.

513
00:22:11,232 --> 00:22:13,132
And almost immediately,

514
00:22:13,134 --> 00:22:14,934
[chuckling]
shane became skeptical.

515
00:22:14,936 --> 00:22:17,136
He was like, "who is this guy?"

516
00:22:17,138 --> 00:22:20,806
And I'm like, "why is he
bothering you so much, shane?"

517
00:22:20,808 --> 00:22:22,608
-He was four years
older than me.

518
00:22:22,610 --> 00:22:24,043
Like, he had traveled the world,

519
00:22:24,045 --> 00:22:26,178
You know,
spoke a different language.

520
00:22:26,180 --> 00:22:28,180
He played
a bunch of instruments.

521
00:22:28,182 --> 00:22:30,249
He was just so cocky
and confident,

522
00:22:30,251 --> 00:22:32,919
And, well, of course, he, like,
was bowling really well.

523
00:22:32,921 --> 00:22:37,023
And then here I am, like,
can't even knock five pins down.

524
00:22:37,025 --> 00:22:39,125
So, it wasn't too long
after we went bowling

525
00:22:39,127 --> 00:22:42,161
That we all got together again
at my friend lizzy's apartment.

526
00:22:42,163 --> 00:22:43,629
It was that night

527
00:22:43,631 --> 00:22:45,331
That we finally exchanged
phone numbers.

528
00:22:45,333 --> 00:22:46,866
We ended up hanging out,

529
00:22:46,868 --> 00:22:48,301
You know,
a few times here and there.

530
00:22:48,303 --> 00:22:51,637
And he was always singing.
He was always happy.

531
00:22:51,639 --> 00:22:54,106
-Ãóâ"óª life is a highway

532
00:22:54,108 --> 00:22:58,077
Ãóâ"óª I want to ride it
all night long Ãóâ"óª

533
00:22:58,079 --> 00:23:00,279
-Tom and I, we would spend
all day together,

534
00:23:00,281 --> 00:23:02,815
And then he would go home,

535
00:23:02,817 --> 00:23:04,884
Which would lead to,
later in the evening,

536
00:23:04,886 --> 00:23:06,819
Talking on the phone
for a few hours.

537
00:23:06,821 --> 00:23:08,220
It did not take long

538
00:23:08,222 --> 00:23:10,623
For me to really feel
comfortable with tom,

539
00:23:10,625 --> 00:23:13,359
That I could tell him anything.

540
00:23:13,361 --> 00:23:16,362
Like,
I trusted him with my life.

541
00:23:16,364 --> 00:23:18,764
-Tom was a very confident
person.

542
00:23:18,766 --> 00:23:20,933
[ chuckles ]
he went after shane.

543
00:23:20,935 --> 00:23:22,902
At first, shane was like, "aah,"

544
00:23:22,904 --> 00:23:25,004
'cause he had never been
in a relationship before.

545
00:23:25,006 --> 00:23:28,274
This was his,
you know, first love.

546
00:23:28,276 --> 00:23:30,209
-We went to hear tom one time,

547
00:23:30,211 --> 00:23:33,913
And shane would look around
the room while he was playing

548
00:23:33,915 --> 00:23:39,018
Because he wanted to make sure
everybody was paying attention

549
00:23:39,020 --> 00:23:41,253
And seeing what he saw.

550
00:23:41,255 --> 00:23:44,824
And there is a jewish word
called kvell.

551
00:23:44,826 --> 00:23:48,194
And that's what he looked like
when tom performed --

552
00:23:48,196 --> 00:23:49,395
He was kvelling.

553
00:23:49,397 --> 00:23:50,930
He was glowing.

554
00:23:50,932 --> 00:23:53,099
-It was incredible
to finally experience

555
00:23:53,101 --> 00:23:57,036
That feeling of love --
you know, like the butterflies.

556
00:23:57,038 --> 00:24:00,172
It's what I always imagined
that all my friends felt.

557
00:24:00,174 --> 00:24:04,410
It didn't take long for me
to move into his apartment.

558
00:24:04,412 --> 00:24:06,245
-They got very close
very quickly.

559
00:24:06,247 --> 00:24:08,414
I think their freedom
wasn't moving to l.A.

560
00:24:08,416 --> 00:24:12,051
I think tom was definitely
the door for shane

561
00:24:12,053 --> 00:24:14,286
To come to terms with himself.

562
00:24:14,288 --> 00:24:16,989
-Tom was a safe place.

563
00:24:16,991 --> 00:24:19,925
When tom met shane,
he was a little, lost sheep.

564
00:24:19,927 --> 00:24:23,195
And tom
really looked out for shane.

565
00:24:23,197 --> 00:24:26,699
-He loved making dinner
even when he was really tired.

566
00:24:26,701 --> 00:24:27,933
He loved tying my ties --

567
00:24:27,935 --> 00:24:29,769
Even properly
tucking my shirt in,

568
00:24:29,771 --> 00:24:32,171
Because at culver, they teach
you how to do all that.

569
00:24:32,173 --> 00:24:34,874
-Tom truly was pursuing
his dreams,

570
00:24:34,876 --> 00:24:37,977
And shane knew
that bills had to be paid.

571
00:24:37,979 --> 00:24:40,813
Shane was the level-headed one.

572
00:24:40,815 --> 00:24:44,784
-What one couldn't think of,
the other one could.

573
00:24:44,786 --> 00:24:47,186
They found
an awful lot in common.

574
00:24:47,188 --> 00:24:48,988
They were both romantics.

575
00:24:48,990 --> 00:24:51,057
They're both from small towns.

576
00:24:51,059 --> 00:24:56,762
Both wanted to make
an impression on the world.

577
00:24:56,764 --> 00:25:00,766
-They were always smiling
and always having a good time.

578
00:25:00,768 --> 00:25:02,068
I mean,
they're the kind of couple

579
00:25:02,070 --> 00:25:03,202
That makes you believe in love.

580
00:25:03,204 --> 00:25:06,005
-I just loved their bickering,

581
00:25:06,007 --> 00:25:07,840
Which was really flirting.

582
00:25:07,842 --> 00:25:09,842
That was probably my favorite
part of their relationship.

583
00:25:10,877 --> 00:25:12,845
-I did this once
in military school --

584
00:25:12,847 --> 00:25:14,246
The kid had to shave his head.

585
00:25:14,248 --> 00:25:17,016
[ both laugh ]
-why are you telling me that?

586
00:25:17,018 --> 00:25:19,251
Seriously, don't pull so hard.

587
00:25:19,253 --> 00:25:22,154
-They were like
an old married couple --

588
00:25:22,156 --> 00:25:25,191
They were young, gay,
but they never wanted to go out.

589
00:25:25,193 --> 00:25:26,992
I'm like, "let's go to the bar.
Let's go to the club."

590
00:25:26,994 --> 00:25:28,761
They didn't go out a lot,

591
00:25:28,763 --> 00:25:30,763
'cause they were always working,
trying to build something.

592
00:25:30,765 --> 00:25:34,967
-I know that, for tom,
it wasn't just about fidelity,

593
00:25:34,969 --> 00:25:37,737
Which, of course,
was like number one.

594
00:25:37,739 --> 00:25:39,171
It was also about being

595
00:25:39,173 --> 00:25:41,874
Completely
emotionally available,

596
00:25:41,876 --> 00:25:45,244
Mentally available,
spiritually available to shane.

597
00:25:45,246 --> 00:25:47,480
-When you get to my age,

598
00:25:47,482 --> 00:25:49,281
You start being
a little agnostic

599
00:25:49,283 --> 00:25:51,117
That anything like that
can occur.

600
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:54,186
But over time,
it became pretty apparent

601
00:25:54,188 --> 00:25:57,089
That this was something
that was probably going

602
00:25:57,091 --> 00:25:59,992
To last
for a very, very long time.

603
00:25:59,994 --> 00:26:03,863
There was an aura about them
that just was something special.

604
00:26:03,865 --> 00:26:05,297
-Everyone in this room,

605
00:26:05,299 --> 00:26:07,099
Or anyone watching
this documentary could wish

606
00:26:07,101 --> 00:26:09,201
That they had
the love that tom and shane had.

607
00:26:09,203 --> 00:26:11,771
That's what you dream about
at night.

608
00:26:11,773 --> 00:26:12,938
And they had it.

609
00:26:15,342 --> 00:26:21,247
-Shane and tom started doing
online promotion for musicians.

610
00:26:21,249 --> 00:26:24,517
And they had the little,
tiny shack of a studio,

611
00:26:24,519 --> 00:26:26,485
But it was just so much fun,

612
00:26:26,487 --> 00:26:29,155
And we would just spend
hours and hours

613
00:26:29,157 --> 00:26:33,092
Just trying to think of ways
to take over the world.

614
00:26:33,094 --> 00:26:34,560
-All of a sudden,

615
00:26:34,562 --> 00:26:37,296
There was this factory of videos
that started coming out.

616
00:26:37,298 --> 00:26:39,331
They had all these ideas

617
00:26:39,333 --> 00:26:41,567
For what could be a tv show
or a travel show.

618
00:26:41,569 --> 00:26:45,304
-Hey, everybody, I'm tom,
in the beautiful, extremely hot

619
00:26:45,306 --> 00:26:47,873
And humid city
of rio de janeiro, brazil.

620
00:26:47,875 --> 00:26:49,842
-Welcome to tomandshane.Com.
-Welcome to tomandshane.Com.

621
00:26:49,844 --> 00:26:51,443
-I'm tom.
-And I'm shane.

622
00:26:51,445 --> 00:26:53,245
-And we're in oahu.
-And we're in oahu.

623
00:26:53,247 --> 00:26:54,480
-Why do you always
do that voice?

624
00:26:54,482 --> 00:26:56,348
[ nasally ]
I know. I'm the pilot.

625
00:26:56,350 --> 00:26:57,917
-[ nasally ]
this is better than a pilot.

626
00:26:57,919 --> 00:26:59,185
-[ normal voice ]
you know you do that voice.

627
00:26:59,187 --> 00:27:00,886
-Oh, I know.
-Okay.

628
00:27:00,888 --> 00:27:04,957
-They became adventurers,
filmmakers, documentarians.

629
00:27:04,959 --> 00:27:08,360
I think they just really liked
the idea

630
00:27:08,362 --> 00:27:12,898
Of taking the excitement
that they had and sharing it.

631
00:27:12,900 --> 00:27:14,934
-The more
tom and I fell in love,

632
00:27:14,936 --> 00:27:17,303
The more we wanted
to tell our parents about it.

633
00:27:17,305 --> 00:27:19,471
But each of us had
the philosophy

634
00:27:19,473 --> 00:27:21,373
That there was no need
to tell your family

635
00:27:21,375 --> 00:27:23,075
Until you found that person

636
00:27:23,077 --> 00:27:25,311
That you were gonna spend
the rest of your life with.

637
00:27:25,313 --> 00:27:27,413
So, my mom and my aunt
were visiting,

638
00:27:27,415 --> 00:27:29,081
And it was very late at night,

639
00:27:29,083 --> 00:27:31,417
But I told my mom
that I had to talk to her.

640
00:27:31,419 --> 00:27:36,255
With tom by my side, I said,
"mom."

641
00:27:36,257 --> 00:27:40,025
-I said, "honey, if you're gonna
tell me you're gay, that's fine.

642
00:27:40,027 --> 00:27:43,162
I know it,
and I'm okay with it."

643
00:27:43,164 --> 00:27:45,097
And I said,
"and is tom your partner?"

644
00:27:45,099 --> 00:27:47,566
And tom goes,
"yep. I'm his partner."

645
00:27:47,568 --> 00:27:49,969
Tom was sitting there waiting
for a big blowup or something,

646
00:27:49,971 --> 00:27:52,271
And I just said, "well, great.

647
00:27:52,273 --> 00:27:55,341
You know, I don't have to worry
about shane like I did."

648
00:27:55,343 --> 00:27:58,878
Tom was my godsend.

649
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,013
Shane didn't have
his anxieties anymore.

650
00:28:01,015 --> 00:28:03,082
He was more confident.

651
00:28:03,084 --> 00:28:04,416
He was happy.

652
00:28:04,418 --> 00:28:06,952
He was just more of a man.

653
00:28:06,954 --> 00:28:08,554
-I never imagined

654
00:28:08,556 --> 00:28:11,190
That I could love my mom
even more than I did.

655
00:28:11,192 --> 00:28:13,926
She had been there through
all my struggles of being gay.

656
00:28:13,928 --> 00:28:16,495
And we never said out loud
what the real deal was,

657
00:28:16,497 --> 00:28:18,364
But now we had.

658
00:28:18,366 --> 00:28:22,201
It was the greatest feeling
ever.

659
00:28:22,203 --> 00:28:28,641
-Ãóâ"óª chestnuts roasting
on an open fire Ãóâ"óª

660
00:28:28,643 --> 00:28:30,376
-Tom and I knew

661
00:28:30,378 --> 00:28:32,645
It would be a challenge
to come out to his parents.

662
00:28:32,647 --> 00:28:35,948
So, he was in indiana
for christmas.

663
00:28:35,950 --> 00:28:37,583
It was just him and his mom.

664
00:28:37,585 --> 00:28:40,352
And there was something
that came on tv

665
00:28:40,354 --> 00:28:42,187
About a lesbian couple,

666
00:28:42,189 --> 00:28:45,925
And tom's mom made a comment
about how that was disgusting.

667
00:28:45,927 --> 00:28:48,594
And tom, at that moment,
just realized,

668
00:28:48,596 --> 00:28:50,496
"like, I need to tell her."

669
00:28:50,498 --> 00:28:53,098
-He told his mom, "mom, I'm gay.

670
00:28:53,100 --> 00:28:55,567
When you say things like that,
you're talking about me."

671
00:28:55,569 --> 00:28:57,569
-He was, I think,
sort of building

672
00:28:57,571 --> 00:29:00,239
On what had happened
when shane came out.

673
00:29:00,241 --> 00:29:02,441
Shane had come out
to his mother,

674
00:29:02,443 --> 00:29:04,643
And she basically
filled in the blanks --

675
00:29:04,645 --> 00:29:06,312
"oh, you're gay.
I knew that already.

676
00:29:06,314 --> 00:29:07,680
I always knew that."

677
00:29:07,682 --> 00:29:11,083
-I was sure that his mom
knew that he was gay.

678
00:29:11,085 --> 00:29:16,155
But she immediately called
his dad to come home from work

679
00:29:16,157 --> 00:29:18,590
Because of this breaking news.

680
00:29:18,592 --> 00:29:24,063
And she went on and on
about how it was a sin

681
00:29:24,065 --> 00:29:25,631
And that tom
should have told them sooner

682
00:29:25,633 --> 00:29:27,433
So he could
have gotten medical help.

683
00:29:27,435 --> 00:29:30,069
-His dad said a lot
of hateful things towards him

684
00:29:30,071 --> 00:29:33,539
And blamed shane
for making him gay.

685
00:29:33,541 --> 00:29:35,641
-"it's shane's fault.
Shane turned you gay.

686
00:29:35,643 --> 00:29:38,444
Being in l.A. Turned you gay."

687
00:29:38,446 --> 00:29:41,513
-"all of your accomplishments
so far mean nothing now."

688
00:29:41,515 --> 00:29:44,149
-They said, "change your mind.
You have to change your mind."

689
00:29:44,151 --> 00:29:46,185
And tom said
that he just kept saying no --

690
00:29:46,187 --> 00:29:48,120
Like, you know,
"I can't change my mind.

691
00:29:48,122 --> 00:29:49,421
It's not a mind-change thing."

692
00:29:49,423 --> 00:29:51,090
-Tom called me.

693
00:29:51,092 --> 00:29:54,293
He told me that his dad pulled
a shotgun on him.

694
00:29:54,295 --> 00:29:58,030
And at that point,
I was really scared.

695
00:29:58,032 --> 00:30:00,366
So, while tom and I were
on the phone,

696
00:30:00,368 --> 00:30:03,736
His dad, norman, literally
ripped the door off the hinges.

697
00:30:03,738 --> 00:30:07,639
And his mom got on the phone,
and she said to me,

698
00:30:07,641 --> 00:30:10,509
"listen here, fucker --

699
00:30:10,511 --> 00:30:13,379
I don't know
what you did to our son,

700
00:30:13,381 --> 00:30:16,615
But we're gonna come to l.A.,
and we're gonna find you."

701
00:30:16,617 --> 00:30:18,684
-I think the phrase
his dad used was,

702
00:30:18,686 --> 00:30:21,653
He was gonna come
out to california and gut him.

703
00:30:21,655 --> 00:30:24,289
-I used to always have
this fantasy

704
00:30:24,291 --> 00:30:29,695
Of tom and I going
to indiana for christmas

705
00:30:29,697 --> 00:30:32,064
And just, you know, going to bed

706
00:30:32,066 --> 00:30:34,566
And waking up
on christmas morning,

707
00:30:34,568 --> 00:30:37,069
All of us going out
to the living room --

708
00:30:37,071 --> 00:30:38,404
You know, there's the tree,

709
00:30:38,406 --> 00:30:41,140
And tom and I just sitting there
with his family,

710
00:30:41,142 --> 00:30:43,342
Opening presents together,

711
00:30:43,344 --> 00:30:46,412
And me just saying something
that I think's funny,

712
00:30:46,414 --> 00:30:50,382
And I look over,
and tom's parents are laughing.

713
00:30:50,384 --> 00:30:54,286
It's stupid, but it's just...

714
00:30:54,288 --> 00:30:56,388
It would be like
an incredible thing

715
00:30:56,390 --> 00:30:59,258
If something like that happened.

716
00:30:59,260 --> 00:31:00,759
-When the police showed up
at the house,

717
00:31:00,761 --> 00:31:03,062
Tom's dad just kind of
pooh-poohed it off, and he said,

718
00:31:03,064 --> 00:31:05,097
"ah, you know how
these california kids are."

719
00:31:05,099 --> 00:31:07,166
Those phone calls
for those next two days,

720
00:31:07,168 --> 00:31:09,168
Until tom got out of there,
were just...

721
00:31:09,170 --> 00:31:11,703
My heart just broke
for both of those boys.

722
00:31:11,705 --> 00:31:13,605
It was just so scary and so sad.

723
00:31:13,607 --> 00:31:15,207
-So, that next morning,

724
00:31:15,209 --> 00:31:17,376
Tom's parents
were in the kitchen

725
00:31:17,378 --> 00:31:19,678
With a bible on the table.

726
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:21,513
Out loud, they were saying
the verses,

727
00:31:21,515 --> 00:31:23,315
Almost, in a way,
just to justify

728
00:31:23,317 --> 00:31:24,850
That, the day before,

729
00:31:24,852 --> 00:31:26,852
They beat up their son
because he was gay.

730
00:31:26,854 --> 00:31:29,388
He's like,
"I can't believe this.

731
00:31:29,390 --> 00:31:31,557
"I just got attacked
and told

732
00:31:31,559 --> 00:31:33,492
"that I should have taken
the fact that I'm gay

733
00:31:33,494 --> 00:31:36,161
To the grave."

734
00:31:36,163 --> 00:31:40,332
-Ãóâ"óª merry christmas

735
00:31:40,334 --> 00:31:42,334
-It was just an awful situation,

736
00:31:42,336 --> 00:31:46,205
And tom, you know, got out
of there as soon as he could

737
00:31:46,207 --> 00:31:48,207
And flew back to california.

738
00:31:48,209 --> 00:31:52,811
-Ãóâ"óª to you

739
00:31:52,813 --> 00:31:56,248
-So, eventually, martha made
her way out to california,

740
00:31:56,250 --> 00:31:58,851
And I was
really, really nervous.

741
00:31:58,853 --> 00:32:01,653
This was like the first time
that I was going to see martha

742
00:32:01,655 --> 00:32:04,490
Since that,
you know, horrible experience.

743
00:32:04,492 --> 00:32:06,492
-I think martha came here

744
00:32:06,494 --> 00:32:09,394
Because she did not want
to lose her son.

745
00:32:09,396 --> 00:32:12,131
So she had to embrace shane

746
00:32:12,133 --> 00:32:15,267
And act like she accepted
the relationship.

747
00:32:15,269 --> 00:32:17,269
-It was a little awkward
for awhile.

748
00:32:17,271 --> 00:32:20,239
But, eventually, you know,
we warmed up to each other.

749
00:32:20,241 --> 00:32:22,174
We would go to dinner.

750
00:32:22,176 --> 00:32:25,177
Tom and her would laugh,
like, hysterically.

751
00:32:25,179 --> 00:32:26,411
When they get together,

752
00:32:26,413 --> 00:32:28,147
It's like two little,
old ladies.

753
00:32:28,149 --> 00:32:30,315
And although she didn't say,
like, you know,

754
00:32:30,317 --> 00:32:32,284
"shane, I'm sorry,"
or, "tom, I'm sorry

755
00:32:32,286 --> 00:32:33,685
For how we handled everything,"

756
00:32:33,687 --> 00:32:36,421
To us,
it was like this is her way

757
00:32:36,423 --> 00:32:38,257
Of showing
that she's accepting us.

758
00:32:38,259 --> 00:32:42,161
-It wasn't that she loved
her son -- she loved her son.

759
00:32:42,163 --> 00:32:46,765
And whatever it took
to be near him, she did.

760
00:32:46,767 --> 00:32:49,368
If she had to push a plow,

761
00:32:49,370 --> 00:32:52,271
She would,
just to be near her son.

762
00:32:52,273 --> 00:32:55,274
-She has this picture where
they went to grauman theatre

763
00:32:55,276 --> 00:32:57,543
And saw elvis' handprints.

764
00:32:57,545 --> 00:32:59,611
She said that was
the happiest day of her life.

765
00:32:59,613 --> 00:33:03,682
I think she truly enjoyed
coming out to california.

766
00:33:03,684 --> 00:33:05,517
-And then she would get back
to indiana,

767
00:33:05,519 --> 00:33:09,755
And, basically, wouldn't
acknowledge tom's life here.

768
00:33:09,757 --> 00:33:10,956
And, you know, again,

769
00:33:10,958 --> 00:33:12,591
It was kind of like
just baby steps.

770
00:33:12,593 --> 00:33:14,493
Truly, after like a few times,

771
00:33:14,495 --> 00:33:16,862
We felt like she was okay
with us

772
00:33:16,864 --> 00:33:18,931
And she was happy for us.

773
00:33:18,933 --> 00:33:21,633
She even insisted
on tom and me taking the bedroom

774
00:33:21,635 --> 00:33:24,503
While she stayed on the sofa
with our dog.

775
00:33:24,505 --> 00:33:28,740
-Justin. I can't believe you.

776
00:33:28,742 --> 00:33:30,609
Look at me.

777
00:33:30,611 --> 00:33:33,645
How could you...

778
00:33:33,647 --> 00:33:35,914
Leave all alone?

779
00:33:35,916 --> 00:33:39,585
Okay, I miss you, and you just
want to stay with her.

780
00:33:39,587 --> 00:33:42,487
You're such a traitor.

781
00:33:42,489 --> 00:33:46,992
Yeah. You put that head down.

782
00:33:46,994 --> 00:33:50,762
-Tom was obsessed with his dog.

783
00:33:50,764 --> 00:33:54,366
Tom was always,
always taking pictures of him.

784
00:33:54,368 --> 00:33:56,602
It was like someone
with, like, a newborn baby.

785
00:33:56,604 --> 00:34:00,272
He was actually found abandoned
under a car in hollywood.

786
00:34:00,274 --> 00:34:04,009
-Hi, napoleon. How are you?

787
00:34:04,011 --> 00:34:05,577
-He had a santa claus outfit,

788
00:34:05,579 --> 00:34:07,646
And he had
some other crazy outfit.

789
00:34:07,648 --> 00:34:08,880
And I thought, "oh, my god.

790
00:34:08,882 --> 00:34:10,482
"this is not
gonna be two gay boys

791
00:34:10,484 --> 00:34:11,984
With their gay, little dog,
is it?"

792
00:34:11,986 --> 00:34:14,620
And sure enough --
pretty quick, on facebook,

793
00:34:14,622 --> 00:34:16,355
Tom was taking pictures of
justin bobby

794
00:34:16,357 --> 00:34:18,257
In his little rain gear.

795
00:34:18,259 --> 00:34:19,791
And I thought, "oh, my god.
You guys, come on.

796
00:34:19,793 --> 00:34:22,327
You got to quit that."
[ chuckles ]

797
00:34:22,329 --> 00:34:24,696
So...

798
00:34:24,698 --> 00:34:26,999
[ "you belong to me" plays ]

799
00:34:30,470 --> 00:34:32,471
-Another dream
that tom and I had,

800
00:34:32,473 --> 00:34:35,274
Aside from wanting to be married
and have a family,

801
00:34:35,276 --> 00:34:38,277
Was we wanted
to travel the world together.

802
00:34:38,279 --> 00:34:41,313
And our goal was to hit
all the wonders of the world.

803
00:34:41,315 --> 00:34:45,384
And we managed to make it
to four before tom died.

804
00:34:45,386 --> 00:34:50,889
-Ãóâ"óª see the pyramids
along the nile Ãóâ"óª

805
00:34:50,891 --> 00:34:55,560
Ãóâ"óª watch the sunrise
on a tropic isle Ãóâ"óª

806
00:34:55,562 --> 00:34:57,362
-They enjoyed living.

807
00:34:57,364 --> 00:34:59,931
When they traveled together,
that's what would just amaze me,

808
00:34:59,933 --> 00:35:03,902
Where they went to egypt and
to peru and london and paris.

809
00:35:03,904 --> 00:35:07,506
-The way tom and shane were able
to afford these trips

810
00:35:07,508 --> 00:35:09,574
Is they're, first of all,
very frugal,

811
00:35:09,576 --> 00:35:14,413
And not only did shane work
the job that he did for us,

812
00:35:14,415 --> 00:35:16,481
Tom would work, you know,
get extra jobs

813
00:35:16,483 --> 00:35:18,717
Doing commercials or whatever

814
00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:20,852
So they could travel
to all these places.

815
00:35:20,854 --> 00:35:22,487
And they didn't go first class.

816
00:35:22,489 --> 00:35:24,656
They would travel
like they were students.

817
00:35:24,658 --> 00:35:26,525
-The first trip
I remember them taking

818
00:35:26,527 --> 00:35:29,594
Was to egypt, down the nile.

819
00:35:29,596 --> 00:35:31,997
But [chuckles] it wasn't
the kind of trip

820
00:35:31,999 --> 00:35:33,598
That I would have gone on.

821
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,033
They slept on the deck

822
00:35:35,035 --> 00:35:37,069
With canvas dividers,
covered in blankets,

823
00:35:37,071 --> 00:35:38,470
And tom caught pneumonia,

824
00:35:38,472 --> 00:35:40,739
But they had
one heck of a good time.

825
00:35:40,741 --> 00:35:47,446
-Ãóâ"óª just remember
till you're home again Ãóâ"óª

826
00:35:47,448 --> 00:35:50,649
Ãóâ"óª you belong to me

827
00:35:50,651 --> 00:35:54,853
[ song ends ]

828
00:35:54,855 --> 00:35:56,521
-Tom and I reached a point

829
00:35:56,523 --> 00:35:58,590
Where we were ready
for him to come to montana.

830
00:35:58,592 --> 00:36:01,560
You know, I kept talking
about how beautiful montana is.

831
00:36:01,562 --> 00:36:04,029
But for me, it was more about --
you know, I was just excited

832
00:36:04,031 --> 00:36:05,831
For him to finally meet
my entire family.

833
00:36:05,833 --> 00:36:09,101
-My dad, all his life,
was a logger.

834
00:36:09,103 --> 00:36:10,969
I mean, he told gay jokes --

835
00:36:10,971 --> 00:36:14,039
Not the type of person that
you could sit down and be like,

836
00:36:14,041 --> 00:36:17,376
"hey, your son's gay,"
and he would take it easily.

837
00:36:17,378 --> 00:36:20,412
-The first time I ever met tom,

838
00:36:20,414 --> 00:36:21,813
I had just been to town,

839
00:36:21,815 --> 00:36:24,816
And I had seen my daughter's car
in the driveway.

840
00:36:24,818 --> 00:36:28,854
-So shane and tom [chuckles]
jumped in the closet to hide,

841
00:36:28,856 --> 00:36:31,757
And then my dad walks in,

842
00:36:31,759 --> 00:36:34,126
And they both jump out
of the closet like, "surprise!"

843
00:36:34,128 --> 00:36:36,862
-And here's my boy,
and here's his partner.

844
00:36:36,864 --> 00:36:38,930
And it worked --
they surprised me.

845
00:36:38,932 --> 00:36:40,465
-And we just thought

846
00:36:40,467 --> 00:36:42,634
It was funnier than hell
that they did that,

847
00:36:42,636 --> 00:36:46,037
Because it's like they came out
of the closet at my dad's house.

848
00:36:46,039 --> 00:36:48,940
-Tom, he knew
I was a macho-type guy,

849
00:36:48,942 --> 00:36:50,709
And maybe that I was gonna have

850
00:36:50,711 --> 00:36:54,079
The macho-type conservatism
that wouldn't accept him,

851
00:36:54,081 --> 00:36:56,815
And you could just see
he tried all the time around me.

852
00:36:56,817 --> 00:36:58,116
And I appreciated that --

853
00:36:58,118 --> 00:37:00,152
Him trying,
him trying to be likeable.

854
00:37:00,154 --> 00:37:02,654
It was easy to like tom.
He was a great guy.

855
00:37:02,656 --> 00:37:04,022
-Tom was a pistol.

856
00:37:04,024 --> 00:37:06,525
He was so much fun to be around.

857
00:37:06,527 --> 00:37:09,027
I saw that he made shane laugh.

858
00:37:09,029 --> 00:37:10,996
It's the type of happiness
you have

859
00:37:10,998 --> 00:37:12,631
When you meet your soul mate.

860
00:37:12,633 --> 00:37:16,034
And that made
all my worries just disappear.

861
00:37:16,036 --> 00:37:18,904
-So, tom and I went to arizona
to visit my grandparents.

862
00:37:18,906 --> 00:37:21,072
-Shane was so happy.

863
00:37:21,074 --> 00:37:23,575
It was the happiest
that I'd ever seen him,

864
00:37:23,577 --> 00:37:25,844
Since he was a little kid on up.

865
00:37:25,846 --> 00:37:28,146
-And my great-grandma pat
was there.

866
00:37:28,148 --> 00:37:30,782
And no one told grandma pat
that tom and I were a couple.

867
00:37:30,784 --> 00:37:32,551
She was like,
"oh, nice to meet you."

868
00:37:32,553 --> 00:37:35,020
And then, later,
I heard her in the other room

869
00:37:35,022 --> 00:37:37,789
Ask my grandma judy like,
"so, who was that guy?"

870
00:37:37,791 --> 00:37:39,758
-Well, I never knew
shane was gay,

871
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:42,494
But I met his partner,
and he was a very nice guy,

872
00:37:42,496 --> 00:37:46,131
And we all liked him
and went along fine with it.

873
00:37:46,133 --> 00:37:49,167
-Tom was fascinated with
grandma pat for a few reasons.

874
00:37:49,169 --> 00:37:51,002
You know, every year,
she keeps track

875
00:37:51,004 --> 00:37:52,237
Of how many snakes she kills.

876
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:54,573
-Well,
I'm always after a snake --

877
00:37:54,575 --> 00:37:56,074
I don't want them around.

878
00:37:56,076 --> 00:37:59,044
-I mean, you killed
up to how many in a spring --

879
00:37:59,046 --> 00:38:00,245
Every spring?

880
00:38:00,247 --> 00:38:02,481
-Oh,
I killed up to 40 or better.

881
00:38:02,483 --> 00:38:05,851
-After tom and I went for a walk
with both of my grandmas,

882
00:38:05,853 --> 00:38:07,786
When we were coming back
into the house,

883
00:38:07,788 --> 00:38:09,721
Grandma pat like put her arm
around tom.

884
00:38:09,723 --> 00:38:11,690
She was like,
"welcome to the family."

885
00:38:11,692 --> 00:38:13,158
She's 90 years old,

886
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:16,928
And, you know, she's accepting
our relationship.

887
00:38:16,930 --> 00:38:18,563
-People that talk about them,

888
00:38:18,565 --> 00:38:20,532
They don't understand
a lot of it.

889
00:38:20,534 --> 00:38:24,669
-And they think that, if they go
to church and everything,

890
00:38:24,671 --> 00:38:26,204
That god will take care of it --

891
00:38:26,206 --> 00:38:28,740
They can be just like
all the rest of the guys.

892
00:38:28,742 --> 00:38:30,709
And so you can't get through
to them.

893
00:38:30,711 --> 00:38:33,645
To tell you the truth,
I'm tired of hearing about it --

894
00:38:33,647 --> 00:38:35,847
So they're not romeo and juliet.

895
00:38:35,849 --> 00:38:38,783
-That's right --
they're romeo and romeo.

896
00:38:38,785 --> 00:38:40,619
Get over it.

897
00:38:40,621 --> 00:38:45,056
-I did not like to show any
public display of affection --

898
00:38:45,058 --> 00:38:48,293
Whether it would be us
on a plane flying somewhere,

899
00:38:48,295 --> 00:38:50,762
And we wanted
to be affectionate,

900
00:38:50,764 --> 00:38:53,298
We would actually take
a coat or a blanket

901
00:38:53,300 --> 00:38:57,636
And cover our arms and like
hold hands under the blanket.

902
00:39:00,039 --> 00:39:03,074
-I think that shane
was very conscious

903
00:39:03,076 --> 00:39:05,577
Of where they were

904
00:39:05,579 --> 00:39:08,580
And not making other people
uncomfortable.

905
00:39:08,582 --> 00:39:10,081
-I never really wanted

906
00:39:10,083 --> 00:39:13,218
To say, "I love you"
in front of friends or anyone.

907
00:39:13,220 --> 00:39:15,320
So we developed
this little code --

908
00:39:15,322 --> 00:39:17,222
Whether we're at like
a dinner or a party,

909
00:39:17,224 --> 00:39:20,592
One of us would find a way just
to tap the table three times

910
00:39:20,594 --> 00:39:22,160
Just to say, "I love you."

911
00:39:22,162 --> 00:39:27,132
So, that became a very special
sound for both of us.

912
00:39:27,134 --> 00:39:32,804
-Tom was just so passionate,
and he was so affectionate

913
00:39:32,806 --> 00:39:35,674
That it sort of brought shane
out of his shell a little bit,

914
00:39:35,676 --> 00:39:38,610
As far as, you know,
being out in public

915
00:39:38,612 --> 00:39:40,879
And not being ashamed
or embarrassed

916
00:39:40,881 --> 00:39:44,215
That, you know, "yeah, this
is my partner, and we're gay."

917
00:39:44,217 --> 00:39:46,017
So what?

918
00:39:46,019 --> 00:39:47,352
-Once, we were in paris,

919
00:39:47,354 --> 00:39:48,753
And we were in front
of the eiffel tower,

920
00:39:48,755 --> 00:39:50,889
I just decided like,
"screw it --

921
00:39:50,891 --> 00:39:54,092
I'm just gonna sneak in a kiss,"
and I did.

922
00:39:54,094 --> 00:39:56,928
Tom's face -- he was just like,
"like, what just happened?"

923
00:39:56,930 --> 00:39:58,663
He was so excited.

924
00:39:58,665 --> 00:40:00,165
But then the first thing
we did after the kiss,

925
00:40:00,167 --> 00:40:02,834
We like looked around,
like, "did anyone see us?"

926
00:40:02,836 --> 00:40:08,807
But I'm so happy that I did that
'cause he was just thrilled.

927
00:40:08,809 --> 00:40:13,311
-Tom wanted to marry shane,
but he wanted it to be legal.

928
00:40:13,313 --> 00:40:16,948
He wasn't gonna settle
for a technicality,

929
00:40:16,950 --> 00:40:19,150
Or an, "oh, it happens
to be legal right this minute,

930
00:40:19,152 --> 00:40:20,952
But tomorrow it could not be."

931
00:40:20,954 --> 00:40:23,755
He was the kind of man
that just stood up for things,

932
00:40:23,757 --> 00:40:25,190
And I think part of it

933
00:40:25,192 --> 00:40:27,626
Was like he wanted to show
everyone back home that,

934
00:40:27,628 --> 00:40:29,160
"I'm serious. This is me."

935
00:40:29,162 --> 00:40:31,963
-He bought me a ring
for christmas,

936
00:40:31,965 --> 00:40:36,067
And we had agreed to not spend
any money on each other.

937
00:40:36,069 --> 00:40:37,369
-He would tell me, he'd be like,
"but shane's gonna get mad,

938
00:40:37,371 --> 00:40:38,870
Because we have a budget,

939
00:40:38,872 --> 00:40:40,271
"but I just want
to get it for him so bad."

940
00:40:40,273 --> 00:40:41,906
-And I opened it,
and it was a ring

941
00:40:41,908 --> 00:40:44,376
With a note in it that said,

942
00:40:44,378 --> 00:40:47,312
"2011 will change our lives
forever.

943
00:40:47,314 --> 00:40:50,382
Love, tom."

944
00:40:50,384 --> 00:40:52,250
-I had the image of their
wedding played out in my head.

945
00:40:52,252 --> 00:40:53,852
I knew
it was gonna happen someday.

946
00:40:53,854 --> 00:40:55,887
There was no question
that they wanted to spend

947
00:40:55,889 --> 00:40:58,056
The rest of their lives together
and have a family.

948
00:40:58,058 --> 00:41:00,058
-That was something he wanted
so bad.

949
00:41:00,060 --> 00:41:01,860
He used to say,

950
00:41:01,862 --> 00:41:04,029
"you know, I'd love to have
a little thomas running around."

951
00:41:04,031 --> 00:41:05,797
-And I guess
one of the saddest parts,

952
00:41:05,799 --> 00:41:07,399
When I really think
about shane and tom,

953
00:41:07,401 --> 00:41:08,800
Is the fact that, essentially,

954
00:41:08,802 --> 00:41:10,435
They were living
the american dream,

955
00:41:10,437 --> 00:41:13,038
With the exception of being able
to get married to each other.

956
00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:14,706
Well, everyone, like, brings up
domestic partnership,

957
00:41:14,708 --> 00:41:17,676
And it angers me in a way,

958
00:41:17,678 --> 00:41:19,310
Because no little girl
is sitting in her room

959
00:41:19,312 --> 00:41:20,945
And saying that,

960
00:41:20,947 --> 00:41:22,213
"I can't wait to have
a domestic partnership.

961
00:41:22,215 --> 00:41:24,049
"I can't wait to wear
a white dress

962
00:41:24,051 --> 00:41:25,684
During my domestic partnership."

963
00:41:25,686 --> 00:41:28,319
That's not something
that people dream about.

964
00:41:28,321 --> 00:41:31,156
They dream
about getting married.

965
00:41:31,158 --> 00:41:32,757
And they weren't allowed
to do that.

966
00:41:32,759 --> 00:41:34,025
And if it is ever legal,

967
00:41:34,027 --> 00:41:36,161
They'll never be able
to experience it,

968
00:41:36,163 --> 00:41:37,896
Because he's not here anymore.

969
00:41:41,333 --> 00:41:44,903
-I was lucky to see tom
the Wednesday before he died.

970
00:41:44,905 --> 00:41:47,305
Ãóâ"óª getting closer to the edge

971
00:41:47,307 --> 00:41:51,409
Ãóâ"óª if I fall,
will someone catch me? Ãóâ"óª

972
00:41:51,411 --> 00:41:54,079
And we talked about,
you know, shane,

973
00:41:54,081 --> 00:41:57,382
And he said,
"I learned what love really is.

974
00:41:57,384 --> 00:42:00,719
I used to have this idea
in my head when I was young,

975
00:42:00,721 --> 00:42:03,922
And being with shane,
I've learned

976
00:42:03,924 --> 00:42:06,257
What it really looks like
on a daily basis,

977
00:42:06,259 --> 00:42:09,794
And it's so much more
than I ever thought possible.

978
00:42:09,796 --> 00:42:13,431
That's what the song's called --
"if I fall."

979
00:42:13,433 --> 00:42:16,334
-Ãóâ"óª even if I fall

980
00:42:16,336 --> 00:42:18,036
-[ chuckles ]
thank you for that.

981
00:42:18,038 --> 00:42:20,004
Thank you for that.
-You're very welcome.

982
00:42:20,006 --> 00:42:22,073
-All right. So, there you go.

983
00:42:22,075 --> 00:42:23,875
"if I fall" -- are we agreeing

984
00:42:23,877 --> 00:42:25,176
That's what we're gonna call
the song?

985
00:42:25,178 --> 00:42:26,511
All right.

986
00:42:32,151 --> 00:42:36,454
-The thing that haunts me now
is we had a fight that morning.

987
00:42:36,456 --> 00:42:39,424
Originally, we were supposed
to hang out with our friend alex

988
00:42:39,426 --> 00:42:41,226
And go take photographs
together.

989
00:42:41,228 --> 00:42:43,161
And after our little argument,

990
00:42:43,163 --> 00:42:45,130
I decided
that I would just stay home.

991
00:42:45,132 --> 00:42:47,398
-Tom and I decided to meet
at the studio.

992
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:49,534
And we kept
going back and forth.

993
00:42:49,536 --> 00:42:51,936
And he was like,
"let's go to your place.

994
00:42:51,938 --> 00:42:54,506
"I just remember
the sunlight in the kitchen.

995
00:42:54,508 --> 00:42:55,774
I need
some of that sunlight now."

996
00:42:55,776 --> 00:42:57,876
And I was like, "okay."

997
00:42:57,878 --> 00:42:59,444
He was like, "no, "I want to do
something good for you.

998
00:42:59,446 --> 00:43:02,080
Let's do a photo shoot.
It'll turn this day around."

999
00:43:02,082 --> 00:43:03,982
So, I had just started dating
this man,

1000
00:43:03,984 --> 00:43:06,351
And it was his birthday,
and I wasn't with him,

1001
00:43:06,353 --> 00:43:08,987
So tom was like,
"I want to make him jealous,

1002
00:43:08,989 --> 00:43:11,189
So let's put pictures of you
on facebook."

1003
00:43:11,191 --> 00:43:12,924
And he was the one
that was like, "let's do it.

1004
00:43:12,926 --> 00:43:13,958
Let's do it."
[ chuckles ]

1005
00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:14,959
"hey, can I do your hair?"

1006
00:43:14,961 --> 00:43:16,528
I was like, "um, okay."

1007
00:43:16,530 --> 00:43:20,932
And I have, you know,
my brassiere filled with socks,

1008
00:43:20,934 --> 00:43:22,901
'cause, you know,
there's just not much there.

1009
00:43:22,903 --> 00:43:26,070
-So, tom and I were texting
throughout the day.

1010
00:43:26,072 --> 00:43:28,173
And we eventually made up.

1011
00:43:28,175 --> 00:43:29,374
-It wasn't even a discussion

1012
00:43:29,376 --> 00:43:30,842
Whether or not
to go to the roof,

1013
00:43:30,844 --> 00:43:32,277
Because we always went
to the roof.

1014
00:43:32,279 --> 00:43:34,245
-And we told each other
that we love each other.

1015
00:43:34,247 --> 00:43:40,185
And I'm so thankful that we did
'cause I have that forever now.

1016
00:43:40,187 --> 00:43:43,288
-And so, by the time
we get up to the roof,

1017
00:43:43,290 --> 00:43:44,856
Tom has his camera.

1018
00:43:44,858 --> 00:43:46,157
He's all ready.

1019
00:43:46,159 --> 00:43:48,193
-We'd all been up there
like 50 times,

1020
00:43:48,195 --> 00:43:49,928
And every time,
I'm just paranoid.

1021
00:43:49,930 --> 00:43:51,863
'cause it's not like
a tall wall.

1022
00:43:51,865 --> 00:43:53,198
It's a short wall.

1023
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:56,568
-He was just playing around
with the camera,

1024
00:43:56,570 --> 00:43:59,270
And, meanwhile, I know that he
had just been texting to shane.

1025
00:43:59,272 --> 00:44:01,873
I told him
to stay away from the edge,

1026
00:44:01,875 --> 00:44:04,409
'cause we all know
that he's a klutz.

1027
00:44:04,411 --> 00:44:06,144
And he even wrote back.

1028
00:44:06,146 --> 00:44:08,613
He was like, "ha-ha! I will --"
like, I was joking.

1029
00:44:08,615 --> 00:44:11,382
And I said, "tom, I'm serious.

1030
00:44:11,384 --> 00:44:13,017
Like, stay away from the edge."

1031
00:44:13,019 --> 00:44:16,321
-So, he takes
a bunch of pictures.

1032
00:44:16,323 --> 00:44:19,224
I'm trying to be as slutty --

1033
00:44:19,226 --> 00:44:22,493
You know, not sexy,
'cause it wasn't sexy.

1034
00:44:22,495 --> 00:44:26,064
I'm in one corner,
and then we suddenly switch.

1035
00:44:26,066 --> 00:44:28,867
And he's like, "[gasps]
I've got it! I've got it!"

1036
00:44:28,869 --> 00:44:32,036
So, he takes
like three or four steps back.

1037
00:44:32,038 --> 00:44:34,505
[ camera shutter clicks,
camera whirring ]

1038
00:44:40,946 --> 00:44:44,215
I don't think it registered
that he was gonna fall.

1039
00:44:44,217 --> 00:44:46,251
He was like, "ha-ha!"
and I was like, "ohh."

1040
00:44:46,253 --> 00:44:47,619
You know, and I looked at him,

1041
00:44:47,621 --> 00:44:49,354
And it was like we both thought,
"oh, no.

1042
00:44:49,356 --> 00:44:51,055
Shane's gonna be so mad."

1043
00:44:51,057 --> 00:44:54,158
You know, just like if he knew
that we were that close.

1044
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:57,962
And then, after that,
it was a nightmare.

1045
00:44:57,964 --> 00:45:01,199
I didn't even go look
over the edge.

1046
00:45:01,201 --> 00:45:04,102
I just, like, threw my shoes on,
ran downstairs.

1047
00:45:04,104 --> 00:45:05,937
I had my phone
in my back pocket,

1048
00:45:05,939 --> 00:45:07,939
And I dialed 911,
but I couldn't hear.

1049
00:45:07,941 --> 00:45:10,241
So I just gave it to somebody
out in the hallway,

1050
00:45:10,243 --> 00:45:12,110
'cause people heard him.

1051
00:45:12,112 --> 00:45:17,115
-I received a text from alex
to tell me that tom had fallen.

1052
00:45:17,117 --> 00:45:20,919
And I thought it was a joke --
"there's no way this is real."

1053
00:45:20,921 --> 00:45:24,555
So I texted her back,
and I said, "that's not funny."

1054
00:45:24,557 --> 00:45:27,525
And then I didn't hear back
from her.

1055
00:45:27,527 --> 00:45:30,028
And so then I called
tom's phone,

1056
00:45:30,030 --> 00:45:32,196
And no one picked up.

1057
00:45:32,198 --> 00:45:35,600
So at that moment is when
my heart just started racing.

1058
00:45:35,602 --> 00:45:39,971
By the time I got there,
he's on, you know, his stomach.

1059
00:45:39,973 --> 00:45:41,706
And I'm rubbing his back.

1060
00:45:41,708 --> 00:45:43,608
And I'm saying, "it's okay,
tommy. It's okay, tommy."

1061
00:45:43,610 --> 00:45:45,510
Meanwhile,
I look like a total hooker.

1062
00:45:45,512 --> 00:45:47,211
[ chuckles ]

1063
00:45:47,213 --> 00:45:51,149
But it takes forever for
the ambulance to get there --

1064
00:45:51,151 --> 00:45:53,318
I want to say 25 minutes later.

1065
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:54,619
They were like,
"do you have his I.D.?

1066
00:45:54,621 --> 00:45:56,287
Do you have his I.D.?"

1067
00:45:56,289 --> 00:45:57,989
And I was like,
"what the fuck does it matter?!

1068
00:45:57,991 --> 00:45:59,457
Just get him on the ambulance!"

1069
00:45:59,459 --> 00:46:01,059
-So, I got to the e.R.,

1070
00:46:01,061 --> 00:46:02,994
And they took me into a room
where alex was,

1071
00:46:02,996 --> 00:46:04,996
And she was hysterical.

1072
00:46:04,998 --> 00:46:11,703
-And when I first saw shane,
I said, "I wish it were me."

1073
00:46:13,105 --> 00:46:14,973
[ sniffles ]

1074
00:46:14,975 --> 00:46:18,676
I said, "because you two
have each other,

1075
00:46:18,678 --> 00:46:21,346
"and the love you have
is so strong,

1076
00:46:21,348 --> 00:46:25,350
I wish it had been me
who fell over."

1077
00:46:25,352 --> 00:46:27,452
[ sniffles ]

1078
00:46:27,454 --> 00:46:30,121
-I asked her, you know,
"well, what's happening?

1079
00:46:30,123 --> 00:46:31,322
Are they working on him?"
I didn't know anything.

1080
00:46:31,324 --> 00:46:33,024
And she didn't know anything.

1081
00:46:33,026 --> 00:46:37,462
-We hugged, you know,
and we said we loved each other.

1082
00:46:37,464 --> 00:46:42,266
And I was still hanging
on to hope that he was okay.

1083
00:46:42,268 --> 00:46:43,501
-I tried calling shane,

1084
00:46:43,503 --> 00:46:44,635
And I couldn't get through
to him.

1085
00:46:44,637 --> 00:46:47,305
And, finally, he calls me back.

1086
00:46:47,307 --> 00:46:49,240
He said, "mom,
tom was doing a photo shoot,

1087
00:46:49,242 --> 00:46:50,341
And he fell off the roof."

1088
00:46:50,343 --> 00:46:52,243
And I just -- "oh, my god."

1089
00:46:52,245 --> 00:46:54,078
I said,
"honey, just keep on praying.

1090
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:55,613
He'll be fine. You know, we'll
get the prayers going here."

1091
00:46:55,615 --> 00:46:59,350
-I got a text message from shane
saying,

1092
00:46:59,352 --> 00:47:02,253
"michaela, please pray --
tom's hurt."

1093
00:47:02,255 --> 00:47:06,724
And I immediately got down
and started praying.

1094
00:47:06,726 --> 00:47:08,459
-So, a little bit later,
he calls me,

1095
00:47:08,461 --> 00:47:12,130
And he says, "mom, they won't
let me in to see him."

1096
00:47:12,132 --> 00:47:13,798
And I said, "well, how come?"

1097
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:16,501
And they said,
"because I'm not family."

1098
00:47:16,503 --> 00:47:18,336
And I just --
"oh, my god, shane."

1099
00:47:18,338 --> 00:47:20,738
-So, I called tom's mom.

1100
00:47:20,740 --> 00:47:23,574
And it's, you know,
late at night in indiana.

1101
00:47:23,576 --> 00:47:26,811
And, you know, the first thing
she says was,

1102
00:47:26,813 --> 00:47:28,679
"well, how much
was he drinking, shane?"

1103
00:47:28,681 --> 00:47:32,450
And then his dad,
in the background, was saying,

1104
00:47:32,452 --> 00:47:36,254
"well, what the hell
was he doing on the roof?"

1105
00:47:36,256 --> 00:47:38,122
From that point forward,
I made sure

1106
00:47:38,124 --> 00:47:39,757
To let the nursing staff
or the doctors

1107
00:47:39,759 --> 00:47:41,726
Speak to her and to him.

1108
00:47:41,728 --> 00:47:45,663
And it had been probably
about an hour later,

1109
00:47:45,665 --> 00:47:48,366
The doctor came into the room,

1110
00:47:48,368 --> 00:47:52,270
[voice breaking]
and, like, I just knew.

1111
00:47:54,706 --> 00:47:57,708
[ somber piano music plays ]

1112
00:47:57,710 --> 00:48:00,511
Like, I knew
what he was gonna say.

1113
00:48:00,513 --> 00:48:02,313
And when he was talking,

1114
00:48:02,315 --> 00:48:05,249
Like, it wasn't registering
in my head.

1115
00:48:05,251 --> 00:48:08,186
Like, I wasn't processing
what he said.

1116
00:48:08,188 --> 00:48:09,854
-He just said he didn't make it.

1117
00:48:09,856 --> 00:48:12,757
And it was very, you know...

1118
00:48:12,759 --> 00:48:16,327
And we all just lost it.

1119
00:48:16,329 --> 00:48:20,465
-I had to just leave the room
because I couldn't hear it.

1120
00:48:20,467 --> 00:48:23,501
-Alex was crying, and she was
continually doing this --

1121
00:48:23,503 --> 00:48:26,137
I think because
she was just so traumatized.

1122
00:48:26,139 --> 00:48:30,241
And alex's mom was saying,
"oh, my god.

1123
00:48:30,243 --> 00:48:31,776
Oh, my god."

1124
00:48:31,778 --> 00:48:34,579
And sometimes she would say,
"oh, his mother."

1125
00:48:34,581 --> 00:48:36,814
'cause mother's day
was the next day.

1126
00:48:36,816 --> 00:48:38,349
-So, I went outside.

1127
00:48:38,351 --> 00:48:44,255
I called my mom, and...

1128
00:48:44,257 --> 00:48:47,225
And I was like, "mom, he died."

1129
00:48:47,227 --> 00:48:49,160
[ inhales sharply ]

1130
00:48:49,162 --> 00:48:51,262
And, you know, she just said,
"I'm so sorry, shane.

1131
00:48:51,264 --> 00:48:52,597
I'm so sorry."

1132
00:48:52,599 --> 00:48:54,799
And he was just crying,
and I'm crying.

1133
00:48:54,801 --> 00:48:57,435
And, you know, here you are,
again, 1,500 miles away,

1134
00:48:57,437 --> 00:48:59,403
And you can't be there
for your child.

1135
00:48:59,405 --> 00:49:01,572
I got ahold of him,

1136
00:49:01,574 --> 00:49:06,744
And tom had just died
in the hospital, and...

1137
00:49:06,746 --> 00:49:08,312
I don't know.

1138
00:49:08,314 --> 00:49:09,914
It's not a moment
I want to ever go through again.

1139
00:49:09,916 --> 00:49:15,253
-The worst pain
I have ever felt in my heart.

1140
00:49:15,255 --> 00:49:18,289
Like, I just sunk.

1141
00:49:18,291 --> 00:49:20,358
-I just said,
"are you fucking kidding me?

1142
00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:23,227
Seriously?" I said,
"seriously, who dies like that?"

1143
00:49:23,229 --> 00:49:27,798
-I figured shane was probably
there when he passed,

1144
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:31,369
By his bed, holding his hand.

1145
00:49:31,371 --> 00:49:32,870
And he said no.

1146
00:49:32,872 --> 00:49:36,240
So, I went to the nurse's
station, and I said,

1147
00:49:36,242 --> 00:49:39,810
"you know,
my friend's boyfriend is here.

1148
00:49:39,812 --> 00:49:42,880
He just passed away.
Can you take him back?"

1149
00:49:42,882 --> 00:49:46,884
And she said, "we can't allow
non-family members to see him

1150
00:49:46,886 --> 00:49:48,586
Until his parents arrive."

1151
00:49:48,588 --> 00:49:50,821
So I kept trying
to argue with this nurse.

1152
00:49:50,823 --> 00:49:53,724
And the lady was like,
"I understand, honey -- I do.

1153
00:49:53,726 --> 00:49:55,760
"but it's against
the hospital rules.

1154
00:49:55,762 --> 00:49:57,762
He's not his family."
I said, "but he is his family.

1155
00:49:57,764 --> 00:50:00,298
"they have a house together.
They have a business together.

1156
00:50:00,300 --> 00:50:01,666
"they have
a [chuckles] dog together.

1157
00:50:01,668 --> 00:50:03,267
They've been together
for six years."

1158
00:50:03,269 --> 00:50:05,736
Finally,
we were sitting a the room,

1159
00:50:05,738 --> 00:50:08,239
And this one nurse
opened the door,

1160
00:50:08,241 --> 00:50:10,308
And she said,
"is shane in here?"

1161
00:50:10,310 --> 00:50:11,742
And so we went outside,

1162
00:50:11,744 --> 00:50:13,811
And she was holding
tom's license,

1163
00:50:13,813 --> 00:50:18,749
And she said, "man, he was
a good-looking guy. Geez.

1164
00:50:18,751 --> 00:50:20,551
"and all the nurses back here
are talking

1165
00:50:20,553 --> 00:50:22,486
"about how handsome he was,

1166
00:50:22,488 --> 00:50:27,825
"and we've been working back
here to try to kind of...

1167
00:50:27,827 --> 00:50:30,895
"make him look
the way that you remember him.

1168
00:50:30,897 --> 00:50:33,598
Come with me.
We're gonna take you back."

1169
00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:37,501
I think, at the end of the day,
the nurses knew,

1170
00:50:37,503 --> 00:50:39,670
You know, it's not a gay thing.

1171
00:50:39,672 --> 00:50:41,606
It's not a straight thing.

1172
00:50:41,608 --> 00:50:42,974
It's a human thing.

1173
00:50:42,976 --> 00:50:46,877
But it was definitely a gift,
I think,

1174
00:50:46,879 --> 00:50:49,880
That those women gave to shane.

1175
00:50:49,882 --> 00:50:53,684
-So, they walked back
to his room.

1176
00:50:53,686 --> 00:50:55,653
There was tubes
all over his body,

1177
00:50:55,655 --> 00:50:57,321
Tubes coming out of his chest.

1178
00:50:57,323 --> 00:50:59,423
His face was covered,
but you could see that

1179
00:50:59,425 --> 00:51:03,427
There, you know, had been blood,
like, all around his face.

1180
00:51:03,429 --> 00:51:07,932
And it didn't really seem
like this was happening.

1181
00:51:07,934 --> 00:51:10,968
I just stood there for awhile.

1182
00:51:10,970 --> 00:51:13,638
I didn't know what to do.

1183
00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:15,806
But the only place
that I could put my hand

1184
00:51:15,808 --> 00:51:17,642
Was like on his leg.

1185
00:51:17,644 --> 00:51:21,979
And I did, you know,
one final "tap, tap, tap."

1186
00:51:24,449 --> 00:51:26,517
[ slow piano music plays ]

1187
00:51:30,922 --> 00:51:33,758
-Ãóâ"óª oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh

1188
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:36,027
Ãóâ"óª oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

1189
00:51:37,629 --> 00:51:40,965
Ãóâ"óª I woke up this morning

1190
00:51:40,967 --> 00:51:44,602
Ãóâ"óª and I heard the news

1191
00:51:44,604 --> 00:51:51,409
Ãóâ"óª I know the pain
of a heartbreak Ãóâ"óª

1192
00:51:51,411 --> 00:51:54,512
-Ãóâ"óª I don't have answers

1193
00:51:54,514 --> 00:51:57,982
Ãóâ"óª and neither do you

1194
00:51:57,984 --> 00:52:04,722
Ãóâ"óª I know the pain
of a heartbreak Ãóâ"óª

1195
00:52:06,858 --> 00:52:10,394
Ãóâ"óª this isn't easy

1196
00:52:10,396 --> 00:52:13,631
Ãóâ"óª this isn't clear

1197
00:52:13,633 --> 00:52:16,967
-Ãóâ"óª and you don't need jesus

1198
00:52:16,969 --> 00:52:20,338
Ãóâ"óª till you're here

1199
00:52:20,340 --> 00:52:25,009
Ãóâ"óª oh, the confusion
and the doubts you had Ãóâ"óª

1200
00:52:25,011 --> 00:52:27,611
Ãóâ"óª up and walk away

1201
00:52:27,613 --> 00:52:32,550
Ãóâ"óª they walk awa-a-a-y

1202
00:52:32,552 --> 00:52:38,823
-Ãóâ"óª when a heart breaks

1203
00:52:49,668 --> 00:52:56,540
Ãóâ"óª when a heart breaks

1204
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:03,881
- A man fell to his death

1205
00:53:03,883 --> 00:53:05,416
From a four-story
apartment building

1206
00:53:05,418 --> 00:53:07,551
In los feliz last night.

1207
00:53:07,553 --> 00:53:09,687
Police say he was taking
pictures of a woman.

1208
00:53:09,689 --> 00:53:11,422
They don't suspect foul play,

1209
00:53:11,424 --> 00:53:13,457
And are calling his death
a tragic accident.

1210
00:53:13,459 --> 00:53:15,860
He was an actor and tv host.

1211
00:53:15,862 --> 00:53:20,097
-The days after tom passed away
are kind of a blur.

1212
00:53:20,099 --> 00:53:21,665
There was nothing I wanted more

1213
00:53:21,667 --> 00:53:24,835
Than just to have my family
there with me.

1214
00:53:24,837 --> 00:53:26,971
And so it really meant a lot

1215
00:53:26,973 --> 00:53:28,973
That my parents,
although they're divorced,

1216
00:53:28,975 --> 00:53:30,541
That they were able to just say,

1217
00:53:30,543 --> 00:53:31,876
"look, like,
we're gonna be there for you."

1218
00:53:31,878 --> 00:53:34,145
And my sisters were going to,
as well.

1219
00:53:34,147 --> 00:53:35,446
[ sniffles ]

1220
00:53:35,448 --> 00:53:36,847
My dad and I,

1221
00:53:36,849 --> 00:53:39,517
We went to go pick up tom's car
at alex's place.

1222
00:53:39,519 --> 00:53:42,820
And during the car ride home,

1223
00:53:42,822 --> 00:53:45,723
We talked about me being gay
for the first time.

1224
00:53:45,725 --> 00:53:47,558
-I wanted him to know,

1225
00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:49,693
Even though I had never said
anything since he'd come out,

1226
00:53:49,695 --> 00:53:51,462
That I fully accepted him.

1227
00:53:51,464 --> 00:53:56,000
I think we even talked
about how tom's dad must feel,

1228
00:53:56,002 --> 00:53:58,602
Because tom's dad
never accepted tom,

1229
00:53:58,604 --> 00:54:01,572
And I wanted it be known
that I accepted my son.

1230
00:54:01,574 --> 00:54:03,941
-For the first time ever,

1231
00:54:03,943 --> 00:54:06,844
I didn't care about telling
my dad that I was gay.

1232
00:54:06,846 --> 00:54:08,846
I didn't care about
acknowledging

1233
00:54:08,848 --> 00:54:11,081
That tom and I were
in a relationship.

1234
00:54:11,083 --> 00:54:13,184
I just felt, like, fearless.

1235
00:54:13,186 --> 00:54:16,754
But it didn't matter anymore.

1236
00:54:16,756 --> 00:54:19,890
And tom was gone.

1237
00:54:19,892 --> 00:54:22,960
So, I picked martha
up from the airport,

1238
00:54:22,962 --> 00:54:25,963
And we went to our house.

1239
00:54:25,965 --> 00:54:27,998
She wanted to talk
about bank accounts --

1240
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:31,969
All these things that I did
not want to talk about.

1241
00:54:31,971 --> 00:54:36,207
-I remember her looking
around the rooms a lot.

1242
00:54:36,209 --> 00:54:39,210
And I didn't really want
to think that way.

1243
00:54:39,212 --> 00:54:40,744
I had the feeling

1244
00:54:40,746 --> 00:54:43,080
That she just wanted
to go through his stuff.

1245
00:54:43,082 --> 00:54:45,683
-She wanted to go through
all of shane and tom's clothes.

1246
00:54:45,685 --> 00:54:47,685
He let her go through
all the drawers.

1247
00:54:47,687 --> 00:54:51,121
She tried to take the computers
that were shane and tom's.

1248
00:54:51,123 --> 00:54:52,890
It was just like
shane didn't exist anymore.

1249
00:54:52,892 --> 00:54:54,625
-Shane was more than willing
to work with her,

1250
00:54:54,627 --> 00:54:57,127
Give her anything she wanted
of tom's,

1251
00:54:57,129 --> 00:55:01,131
But it started
to invade his privacy,

1252
00:55:01,133 --> 00:55:03,167
And he wouldn't say anything.

1253
00:55:03,169 --> 00:55:04,969
Martha would make a comment
about something,

1254
00:55:04,971 --> 00:55:07,037
And shane would just stuff
the emotions away,

1255
00:55:07,039 --> 00:55:09,139
Like back
when kids would call him names.

1256
00:55:09,141 --> 00:55:11,775
-I couldn't
say anything, anyway.

1257
00:55:11,777 --> 00:55:14,211
I had no legal right
to stop her.

1258
00:55:14,213 --> 00:55:17,715
So, tom's mom was waiting,
along with us,

1259
00:55:17,717 --> 00:55:19,884
For the coroner to release
his body.

1260
00:55:19,886 --> 00:55:21,986
Due to the circumstances
of the accident,

1261
00:55:21,988 --> 00:55:24,522
They had to do an autopsy.

1262
00:55:24,524 --> 00:55:26,524
-We started talking
about the funeral.

1263
00:55:26,526 --> 00:55:28,659
And she said that,
no, we're all invited.

1264
00:55:28,661 --> 00:55:30,027
We could stay at their house.

1265
00:55:30,029 --> 00:55:31,829
You know, "come as a family.

1266
00:55:31,831 --> 00:55:34,031
We'll just do all this
together."

1267
00:55:34,033 --> 00:55:38,936
-She was very, you know,
"I'm taking my baby home.

1268
00:55:38,938 --> 00:55:41,071
You guys are all coming with.
I want you to be there."

1269
00:55:41,073 --> 00:55:42,740
-And then, as the days go on,

1270
00:55:42,742 --> 00:55:45,175
She pretty much
quit talking about the funeral

1271
00:55:45,177 --> 00:55:47,011
And about us all going

1272
00:55:47,013 --> 00:55:50,781
And sharing tom
with everybody back east.

1273
00:55:50,783 --> 00:55:53,551
-Tom's mom was in the other room
or even sometimes

1274
00:55:53,553 --> 00:55:56,020
Right next to me
making the funeral arrangements

1275
00:55:56,022 --> 00:56:00,224
And planning it all out,
and I was not a part of it.

1276
00:56:00,226 --> 00:56:03,794
It was like I wasn't there.
It was like I was a ghost.

1277
00:56:03,796 --> 00:56:05,896
-She was a mother
who'd just lost her son --

1278
00:56:05,898 --> 00:56:07,865
Her 20-something-year-old son --

1279
00:56:07,867 --> 00:56:11,835
So there were no expectations
other than grief.

1280
00:56:11,837 --> 00:56:15,873
But I didn't think
that she was gonna hurt shane.

1281
00:56:15,875 --> 00:56:18,309
I thought that she loved shane.

1282
00:56:18,311 --> 00:56:22,313
-The feeling I got was something
was awry,

1283
00:56:22,315 --> 00:56:25,149
But nobody could put their
[chuckles] finger on it.

1284
00:56:25,151 --> 00:56:26,283
-And then,
that Thursday morning,

1285
00:56:26,285 --> 00:56:27,851
Martha was like, "I got to go."

1286
00:56:27,853 --> 00:56:29,253
And shane's like,
"I'll drive you to the airport."

1287
00:56:29,255 --> 00:56:30,955
She's like,
"no, I'll get a taxi."

1288
00:56:30,957 --> 00:56:33,223
-I told her, "I'm not gonna
let you take a taxi."

1289
00:56:33,225 --> 00:56:34,858
I kind of had a feeling

1290
00:56:34,860 --> 00:56:37,728
That she knew something
that I didn't know,

1291
00:56:37,730 --> 00:56:41,665
That she knew that his body was
gonna be released any moment.

1292
00:56:41,667 --> 00:56:44,034
-She was packing

1293
00:56:44,036 --> 00:56:47,037
All tom's clothes up that
she was gonna bury him in,

1294
00:56:47,039 --> 00:56:49,340
And the jacket
that she wanted to put him in

1295
00:56:49,342 --> 00:56:51,041
Was not fitting in the suitcase.

1296
00:56:51,043 --> 00:56:53,077
And shane's like,
"it's okay, martha.

1297
00:56:53,079 --> 00:56:55,312
I'll just bring it."
and she was like, "no.

1298
00:56:55,314 --> 00:56:56,313
Absolutely not."

1299
00:56:56,315 --> 00:56:59,383
So, maybe looking back now,

1300
00:56:59,385 --> 00:57:03,921
It could have been foreshadowing
what could have happened,

1301
00:57:03,923 --> 00:57:05,656
That she knew then

1302
00:57:05,658 --> 00:57:07,057
That she wasn't gonna let shane
come to the funeral.

1303
00:57:07,059 --> 00:57:10,928
-And I dropped her off,
and we hugged.

1304
00:57:10,930 --> 00:57:14,264
And I asked her
to please keep me updated

1305
00:57:14,266 --> 00:57:15,799
So I know what's happening,

1306
00:57:15,801 --> 00:57:17,735
And she promised me
that she would.

1307
00:57:17,737 --> 00:57:20,704
But I never
heard from her again.

1308
00:57:20,706 --> 00:57:23,874
-She was so grateful
and so loving towards us

1309
00:57:23,876 --> 00:57:25,709
For everything that we did
for her son.

1310
00:57:25,711 --> 00:57:28,646
She just was crying and
hugging us and holding on to us

1311
00:57:28,648 --> 00:57:30,948
And, "I want to be a part
of your life.

1312
00:57:30,950 --> 00:57:32,850
I want to come visit."

1313
00:57:32,852 --> 00:57:36,120
It was like
we were bonded with her.

1314
00:57:36,122 --> 00:57:38,322
And then,
the next day, she was gone.

1315
00:57:38,324 --> 00:57:41,892
-I talked to tom's mom
the day after he died.

1316
00:57:41,894 --> 00:57:43,661
And she said, "I'll let you know

1317
00:57:43,663 --> 00:57:45,195
As soon as I know
when the funeral is gonna be

1318
00:57:45,197 --> 00:57:46,430
So that you can be there."

1319
00:57:46,432 --> 00:57:48,832
Then, it was pretty much
radio silence.

1320
00:57:48,834 --> 00:57:50,200
They never called me back
to tell me when it was,

1321
00:57:50,202 --> 00:57:51,402
And I was very hurt.

1322
00:57:51,404 --> 00:57:53,704
I see the notice
in the newspaper --

1323
00:57:53,706 --> 00:57:56,040
Wake is this day.
Funeral is the next day.

1324
00:57:56,042 --> 00:58:00,144
I called tom's house to verify,

1325
00:58:00,146 --> 00:58:03,247
And, you know, the relative
who answered just said,

1326
00:58:03,249 --> 00:58:04,682
"if that's what the paper says,

1327
00:58:04,684 --> 00:58:06,150
Then I would probably
go by that."

1328
00:58:06,152 --> 00:58:08,886
-And I personally called back

1329
00:58:08,888 --> 00:58:11,855
To different mortuaries
in his hometown

1330
00:58:11,857 --> 00:58:13,223
To try to get information,

1331
00:58:13,225 --> 00:58:15,459
And nobody would give us
any information.

1332
00:58:15,461 --> 00:58:18,362
-So, although I never heard
from martha,

1333
00:58:18,364 --> 00:58:22,433
My mom and alex and I,
we all booked our plane tickets.

1334
00:58:22,435 --> 00:58:24,168
During our layover,

1335
00:58:24,170 --> 00:58:25,436
I received a phone call
from one of tom's relatives.

1336
00:58:25,438 --> 00:58:28,872
And she wanted to let me know

1337
00:58:28,874 --> 00:58:31,341
That I wasn't welcome
to attend his funeral,

1338
00:58:31,343 --> 00:58:33,077
Because, if I do show up,

1339
00:58:33,079 --> 00:58:36,346
His uncle and his father
had planned an attack.

1340
00:58:36,348 --> 00:58:38,482
And she wanted me to know

1341
00:58:38,484 --> 00:58:42,352
That it's for my own safety
that I don't go.

1342
00:58:42,354 --> 00:58:44,221
-All I could think of --
"are they gonna shoot him?

1343
00:58:44,223 --> 00:58:46,123
Are they gonna kill my son?"

1344
00:58:46,125 --> 00:58:49,293
When we got into indiana,

1345
00:58:49,295 --> 00:58:51,395
One of tom's best friends
picked us up.

1346
00:58:51,397 --> 00:58:53,397
And alex was hysterical.

1347
00:58:53,399 --> 00:58:57,000
And the closer we got to knox,
the more hysterical she got.

1348
00:58:57,002 --> 00:59:00,070
And she was saying, "I lost tom.
I don't want to lose you, also."

1349
00:59:00,072 --> 00:59:01,772
-I was terrified

1350
00:59:01,774 --> 00:59:04,942
That they were gonna come
and pull out a gun on shane.

1351
00:59:04,944 --> 00:59:08,045
-I remember him saying
more than once,

1352
00:59:08,047 --> 00:59:09,947
"you know,
they're in a lot of pain.

1353
00:59:09,949 --> 00:59:12,015
It's not just me
that's going through this,"

1354
00:59:12,017 --> 00:59:15,519
And almost arguing for them,
which was maddening.

1355
00:59:15,521 --> 00:59:16,987
I mean, I'd be angry --

1356
00:59:16,989 --> 00:59:18,989
"you're not gonna do this
to me."

1357
00:59:18,991 --> 00:59:22,126
Nope.
He didn't respond that way.

1358
00:59:22,128 --> 00:59:25,763
-We had a secret location
to come up with a plan about,

1359
00:59:25,765 --> 00:59:28,232
You know, just kind of staying
out of their way.

1360
00:59:28,234 --> 00:59:31,268
And even though I couldn't
be in the church,

1361
00:59:31,270 --> 00:59:35,005
Like, I still wanted to be
as close as I could to tom.

1362
00:59:35,007 --> 00:59:41,345
You know, just being near
was somehow comforting.

1363
00:59:41,347 --> 00:59:43,113
-Once I realized

1364
00:59:43,115 --> 00:59:45,115
That shane had been banned
from attending the funeral,

1365
00:59:45,117 --> 00:59:46,483
I realized that's why

1366
00:59:46,485 --> 00:59:48,318
They weren't telling anybody
when things were.

1367
00:59:48,320 --> 00:59:51,355
They basically were keeping
all the information close-hold

1368
00:59:51,357 --> 00:59:53,123
So that shane
couldn't get there.

1369
00:59:53,125 --> 00:59:56,460
-Ãóâ"óª in the blink of an eye

1370
00:59:56,462 --> 01:00:00,898
Ãóâ"óª everything has changed

1371
01:00:00,900 --> 01:00:04,868
-There were probably
800 people there.

1372
01:00:04,870 --> 01:00:06,570
Half of them were there
to support tom,

1373
01:00:06,572 --> 01:00:08,972
And the other half
were there to support martha.

1374
01:00:08,974 --> 01:00:12,075
-Ãóâ"óª if I could have
one more day Ãóâ"óª

1375
01:00:12,077 --> 01:00:16,847
Ãóâ"óª I'd spend it all with you

1376
01:00:16,849 --> 01:00:18,448
-The casket was in the middle.

1377
01:00:18,450 --> 01:00:20,417
And it was draped
with a culver blanket

1378
01:00:20,419 --> 01:00:22,386
And all of his culver
accomplishments,

1379
01:00:22,388 --> 01:00:25,189
And his mom was wearing
his culver ring.

1380
01:00:25,191 --> 01:00:28,926
I think it was very reflective
of the family

1381
01:00:28,928 --> 01:00:33,897
And how they viewed tom,
and not the tom that I knew.

1382
01:00:33,899 --> 01:00:35,833
When I got up to martha,

1383
01:00:35,835 --> 01:00:37,401
All I could think
in my head was,

1384
01:00:37,403 --> 01:00:39,336
"I have to kiss the casket
for shane."

1385
01:00:39,338 --> 01:00:44,174
And I made my way over
to the casket, and I kissed it,

1386
01:00:44,176 --> 01:00:46,376
And I whispered, you know,
"shane loves you."

1387
01:00:46,378 --> 01:00:48,145
-The funeral depicted tom

1388
01:00:48,147 --> 01:00:51,348
Up until the point where he left
for california, basically.

1389
01:00:51,350 --> 01:00:53,951
And the speakers
were all from tom's childhood.

1390
01:00:53,953 --> 01:00:55,886
You know,
it was his piano teacher

1391
01:00:55,888 --> 01:00:57,087
And people from culver.

1392
01:00:57,089 --> 01:00:58,989
-I took the flowers

1393
01:00:58,991 --> 01:01:01,491
From the bouquet
that the class of 2000 sent,

1394
01:01:01,493 --> 01:01:04,294
And I dried them so I could
give those to shane.

1395
01:01:04,296 --> 01:01:05,963
And I saved him a program

1396
01:01:05,965 --> 01:01:08,232
Because, you know,
he is the love of tom's life.

1397
01:01:08,234 --> 01:01:09,633
He at least deserves that.

1398
01:01:09,635 --> 01:01:13,170
Unfortunately,
he wasn't mentioned in it.

1399
01:01:13,172 --> 01:01:16,139
Families,
for literally 30 years,

1400
01:01:16,141 --> 01:01:19,476
Can sweep that secret under
the rug until someone dies,

1401
01:01:19,478 --> 01:01:22,179
And then you have to really face
the music.

1402
01:01:22,181 --> 01:01:24,481
And I think that's what happened
to tom's parents.

1403
01:01:24,483 --> 01:01:26,283
They had this great child.

1404
01:01:26,285 --> 01:01:32,155
He was smart and talented --
lots of positive things.

1405
01:01:32,157 --> 01:01:33,624
But the one positive thing

1406
01:01:33,626 --> 01:01:36,193
That they didn't want to brag to
their friends about

1407
01:01:36,195 --> 01:01:39,129
Is that tom had
an amazing partner,

1408
01:01:39,131 --> 01:01:40,931
'cause they were ashamed.

1409
01:01:40,933 --> 01:01:42,432
And so what they did

1410
01:01:42,434 --> 01:01:44,434
Is they literally erased it
from the history books

1411
01:01:44,436 --> 01:01:46,336
By shutting down
his facebook page,

1412
01:01:46,338 --> 01:01:48,005
By disinviting shane
to the funeral,

1413
01:01:48,007 --> 01:01:49,373
To not even
mentioning him there,

1414
01:01:49,375 --> 01:01:51,375
Which is the most insulting
thing

1415
01:01:51,377 --> 01:01:54,211
Anyone could ever do
to a person's memory.

1416
01:01:54,213 --> 01:01:56,680
They're not fighting against
gay marriage.

1417
01:01:56,682 --> 01:01:58,482
They're not fighting against
having a gay son.

1418
01:01:58,484 --> 01:02:00,450
What they're fighting against
is love,

1419
01:02:00,452 --> 01:02:02,286
And who fights against love?

1420
01:02:02,288 --> 01:02:04,454
[ somber piano music plays ]

1421
01:02:04,456 --> 01:02:06,456
-When we came back, we decided

1422
01:02:06,458 --> 01:02:09,927
To have our own memorial
to celebrate who tom was.

1423
01:02:09,929 --> 01:02:11,228
-Ãóâ"óª today, you left me

1424
01:02:11,230 --> 01:02:13,030
-Shane included
pictures of his family

1425
01:02:13,032 --> 01:02:15,465
Even though
they hadn't reciprocated.

1426
01:02:15,467 --> 01:02:17,134
-Shane had pictures there

1427
01:02:17,136 --> 01:02:20,037
With tom's mom and dad
and brother and sister.

1428
01:02:20,039 --> 01:02:22,372
He brought people from vassar,
brought people from culver,

1429
01:02:22,374 --> 01:02:24,174
And his friends in california.

1430
01:02:24,176 --> 01:02:25,509
Everybody was there.

1431
01:02:25,511 --> 01:02:27,311
-[ voice breaking ]
even though a lot of us,

1432
01:02:27,313 --> 01:02:29,313
Maybe we weren't super close
and barely know each other,

1433
01:02:29,315 --> 01:02:33,417
Somehow that same guy
was all of our best friend.

1434
01:02:33,419 --> 01:02:37,054
-Ãóâ"óª young, beautiful boy

1435
01:02:37,056 --> 01:02:38,722
I wrote "beautiful boy"

1436
01:02:38,724 --> 01:02:44,127
And the line about tom making
his way up to the golden doors

1437
01:02:44,129 --> 01:02:45,362
As an answer

1438
01:02:45,364 --> 01:02:47,130
To the fundamentalist christians
out there

1439
01:02:47,132 --> 01:02:52,536
Who may believe that gay people
won't go to heaven.

1440
01:02:52,538 --> 01:02:55,105
And to that,
I would say, "really?

1441
01:02:55,107 --> 01:03:00,510
"tom, the choir-singing,
trophy-winning, all-american boy

1442
01:03:00,512 --> 01:03:03,647
"who listed god as his hero
on his myspace page,

1443
01:03:03,649 --> 01:03:04,982
Really in hell?"

1444
01:03:04,984 --> 01:03:06,650
I don't think so.

1445
01:03:06,652 --> 01:03:10,320
If tom didn't go to heaven,
then nobody's going to heaven.

1446
01:03:10,322 --> 01:03:12,155
Ãóâ"óª remembering...

1447
01:03:12,157 --> 01:03:14,091
-If you believe in angels,

1448
01:03:14,093 --> 01:03:18,729
Tom was as close to that as
would ever come in a human form.

1449
01:03:18,731 --> 01:03:21,098
He had no darkness in him
whatsoever.

1450
01:03:21,100 --> 01:03:24,067
He was the ueber-positive one.

1451
01:03:24,069 --> 01:03:25,369
-So, everybody
was really nervous

1452
01:03:25,371 --> 01:03:27,104
About how shane was gonna be,

1453
01:03:27,106 --> 01:03:30,540
You know, post this horrible,
traumatic loss.

1454
01:03:30,542 --> 01:03:33,710
-I stayed with shane after tom
passed away for a month.

1455
01:03:33,712 --> 01:03:35,545
I told shane, "I'll stay here
as long as you need me,"

1456
01:03:35,547 --> 01:03:37,214
But getting on that plane

1457
01:03:37,216 --> 01:03:39,316
Was the hardest thing
I've ever done in my life.

1458
01:03:39,318 --> 01:03:41,284
You know,
you don't want to leave him,

1459
01:03:41,286 --> 01:03:42,786
'cause he was fragile.

1460
01:03:42,788 --> 01:03:45,489
-Ãóâ"óª something always
brings me back to you Ãóâ"óª

1461
01:03:45,491 --> 01:03:48,792
-Hey, tom.

1462
01:03:48,794 --> 01:03:50,660
Um...

1463
01:03:50,662 --> 01:03:54,664
-Ãóâ"óª no matter what I say or do
-...Is this happening?

1464
01:03:54,666 --> 01:03:57,734
-Ãóâ"óª I'll still feel you here...

1465
01:03:57,736 --> 01:04:01,471
-[ voice breaking ]
is this really happening?

1466
01:04:01,473 --> 01:04:03,774
[ sniffles ]

1467
01:04:03,776 --> 01:04:09,413
To all those people that, um,
say that gay people are...

1468
01:04:09,415 --> 01:04:11,081
-Ãóâ"óª here I am
-[ sniffles ]

1469
01:04:11,083 --> 01:04:12,816
...Unable to love,

1470
01:04:12,818 --> 01:04:15,519
Can I ask
every single husband and wife...

1471
01:04:15,521 --> 01:04:18,055
-Ãóâ"óª ...'cause I'm fragile

1472
01:04:18,057 --> 01:04:19,623
-...That is in love...

1473
01:04:19,625 --> 01:04:22,059
-Ãóâ"óª when I thought
that I was strong Ãóâ"óª

1474
01:04:22,061 --> 01:04:24,528
-...To just...

1475
01:04:24,530 --> 01:04:26,329
[ sniffles ]

1476
01:04:26,331 --> 01:04:29,399
...To just feel
what I'm feeling,

1477
01:04:29,401 --> 01:04:31,435
Even -- even for 10 minutes.

1478
01:04:31,437 --> 01:04:33,270
And, um [sniffles]

1479
01:04:33,272 --> 01:04:37,240
But, really, I --

1480
01:04:37,242 --> 01:04:39,776
I don't wish this upon anybody.
I don't.

1481
01:04:39,778 --> 01:04:41,845
[ crying ]
I finally bought you your ring.

1482
01:04:41,847 --> 01:04:47,617
-Ãóâ"óª I will be rising from
the ground like a skyscraper Ãóâ"óª

1483
01:04:47,619 --> 01:04:49,786
-I'm sorry that I didn't...

1484
01:04:49,788 --> 01:04:54,124
-Ãóâ"óª like a skyscraper
-...I didn't get you one sooner.

1485
01:04:54,126 --> 01:04:56,593
I put "tap, tap, tap" inside.

1486
01:04:56,595 --> 01:04:58,662
Um...
-Ãóâ"óª skies are crying

1487
01:04:58,664 --> 01:05:03,100
Ãóâ"óª you can take everything
I have Ãóâ"óª

1488
01:05:03,102 --> 01:05:07,537
Ãóâ"óª you can break
everything I am Ãóâ"óª

1489
01:05:08,706 --> 01:05:11,141
-One thing
that I'm thinking about

1490
01:05:11,143 --> 01:05:12,509
Is, like, well, you know,

1491
01:05:12,511 --> 01:05:14,344
What would have
our relationship been like

1492
01:05:14,346 --> 01:05:16,379
If we wouldn't have had to have
hid it from the beginning,

1493
01:05:16,381 --> 01:05:20,884
And would I have been able
to just [sniffles]

1494
01:05:20,886 --> 01:05:24,187
Be more affectionate
and just give you more love?

1495
01:05:24,189 --> 01:05:26,556
If who we are

1496
01:05:26,558 --> 01:05:30,594
And how we, you know,
loved each other is a sin

1497
01:05:30,596 --> 01:05:33,163
In that we have to live,

1498
01:05:33,165 --> 01:05:36,800
You know, eternity
suffering because of this,

1499
01:05:36,802 --> 01:05:39,202
I don't think god
would purposely

1500
01:05:39,204 --> 01:05:40,770
Set us up to live a life

1501
01:05:40,772 --> 01:05:43,907
Of just constantly fighting
the urge to be who we are,

1502
01:05:43,909 --> 01:05:47,210
And I really don't want
to believe that.

1503
01:05:47,212 --> 01:05:52,349
-Ãóâ"óª happy birthday to you

1504
01:05:52,351 --> 01:05:54,251
-You know,
there's a part of me that thinks

1505
01:05:54,253 --> 01:05:56,386
Maybe I should I tell someone
or maybe I should show someone,

1506
01:05:56,388 --> 01:05:59,222
You know, how I'm really feeling

1507
01:05:59,224 --> 01:06:01,658
Instead of just telling everyone
I'm okay.

1508
01:06:01,660 --> 01:06:05,395
And I'm not okay.

1509
01:06:05,397 --> 01:06:11,201
[ laughter ]
-Ãóâ"óª happy birthday to you

1510
01:06:11,203 --> 01:06:14,604
-It's sad that it took
losing you

1511
01:06:14,606 --> 01:06:17,807
To see what's really important
in life.

1512
01:06:17,809 --> 01:06:23,213
All that really counts
is just loving as much as we can

1513
01:06:23,215 --> 01:06:27,784
And not, you know,
being afraid to be loved.

1514
01:06:27,786 --> 01:06:32,656
[ normal voice ] before,
I was not eating enough,

1515
01:06:32,658 --> 01:06:36,793
And then now all I want to do
is eat everything --

1516
01:06:36,795 --> 01:06:43,867
Fat stuff, ice cream,
pancakes...Red vines.

1517
01:06:43,869 --> 01:06:48,538
Today I'm going on a plane
to see the taj mahal,

1518
01:06:48,540 --> 01:06:52,909
The great monument to love,
which was next on our list.

1519
01:06:52,911 --> 01:06:56,680
-Ãóâ"óª presents are covered
in ribbons and laces Ãóâ"óª

1520
01:06:56,682 --> 01:06:58,415
[ indistinct conversations ]

1521
01:06:58,417 --> 01:07:02,319
-Going to the taj mahal
on christmas, christmas day

1522
01:07:02,321 --> 01:07:05,488
Is a pretty cool thing, so...

1523
01:07:05,490 --> 01:07:07,324
Merry christmas.

1524
01:07:07,326 --> 01:07:10,327
-Ãóâ"óª togetherness lives
on this holiday night Ãóâ"óª

1525
01:07:10,329 --> 01:07:12,796
-[ voice breaking ] I just wish
that all of us humans understood

1526
01:07:12,798 --> 01:07:15,865
That we're all the same.

1527
01:07:15,867 --> 01:07:18,702
Everyone in the world,
all different types of people,

1528
01:07:18,704 --> 01:07:19,970
All different religions.

1529
01:07:19,972 --> 01:07:22,339
We all just want to be happy.

1530
01:07:22,341 --> 01:07:24,774
We all just want to be loved.

1531
01:07:24,776 --> 01:07:27,477
So, thank you, tom.

1532
01:07:27,479 --> 01:07:29,779
Thank you for loving me.

1533
01:07:29,781 --> 01:07:33,750
Thank you for giving me
the last years of your life.

1534
01:07:33,752 --> 01:07:35,552
I feel like
that's my responsibility,

1535
01:07:35,554 --> 01:07:41,591
Like, my duty now,
to live life like you did.

1536
01:07:41,593 --> 01:07:44,494
[ normal voice ]
a few months later,

1537
01:07:44,496 --> 01:07:47,030
I went back to indiana.

1538
01:07:47,032 --> 01:07:49,466
I felt like I just needed

1539
01:07:49,468 --> 01:07:51,368
To see tom's grave
one more time.

1540
01:07:51,370 --> 01:07:53,870
I still can't believe

1541
01:07:53,872 --> 01:07:56,806
How much has happened
since that first christmas.

1542
01:07:56,808 --> 01:08:00,877
When we were each getting
on a plane, heading home,

1543
01:08:00,879 --> 01:08:06,016
And we finally told each other
how we felt.

1544
01:08:06,018 --> 01:08:08,285
[ piano music plays ]

1545
01:08:51,462 --> 01:08:54,698
When I got to the cemetery,
I was surprised to see

1546
01:08:54,700 --> 01:08:57,033
That tom's parents
had bought him a monument

1547
01:08:57,035 --> 01:09:01,471
With a place for themselves,
not next to each other,

1548
01:09:01,473 --> 01:09:03,873
But on either side of their son,

1549
01:09:03,875 --> 01:09:06,943
As though they're still trying

1550
01:09:06,945 --> 01:09:11,548
To keep him from something
or someone.

1551
01:09:11,550 --> 01:09:13,516
It's just --
it's hard to believe

1552
01:09:13,518 --> 01:09:16,686
That even now
tom is still being denied

1553
01:09:16,688 --> 01:09:18,855
The promise of his own name.

1554
01:09:20,658 --> 01:09:22,058
It really does feel like

1555
01:09:22,060 --> 01:09:26,062
He's standing in
for all of us now.

1556
01:09:26,064 --> 01:09:28,498
I mean, like, for all gay people

1557
01:09:28,500 --> 01:09:32,135
Who dream of getting married
some day.

1558
01:09:32,137 --> 01:09:34,537
I guess I'll never understand

1559
01:09:34,539 --> 01:09:38,041
Why the ones who are supposed
to love him the most

1560
01:09:38,043 --> 01:09:41,678
Fight the hardest to keep him
from being who he was.

1561
01:09:41,680 --> 01:09:44,581
Maybe the greatest thing
about tom

1562
01:09:44,583 --> 01:09:48,017
Is how much
he loved them anyway.

1563
01:09:48,019 --> 01:09:51,154
I just remember standing there
and thinking

1564
01:09:51,156 --> 01:09:55,024
That if there's one thing
that I could say to his parents,

1565
01:09:55,026 --> 01:09:57,627
Here's what it would be --

1566
01:09:57,629 --> 01:10:02,699
"this is not
the monument to your son.

1567
01:10:02,701 --> 01:10:06,102
He was the monument to you."

1568
01:10:16,180 --> 01:10:19,416
[ macklemore with ryan lewis,
featuring mary lambert's

1569
01:10:19,418 --> 01:10:22,185
"same love" plays ]

1570
01:10:27,491 --> 01:10:28,858
-[ rapping ] Ãóâ"óª when I was
in the third grade Ãóâ"óª

1571
01:10:28,860 --> 01:10:30,460
Ãóâ"óª I thought that I was gay

1572
01:10:30,462 --> 01:10:31,895
Ãóâ"óª 'cause I could draw,
my uncle was Ãóâ"óª

1573
01:10:31,897 --> 01:10:33,863
Ãóâ"óª and I kept my room straight

1574
01:10:33,865 --> 01:10:35,932
Ãóâ"óª I told my mom,
tears rushing down my face Ãóâ"óª

1575
01:10:35,934 --> 01:10:38,601
Ãóâ"óª she's like "ben, you've loved
girls since before pre-k" Ãóâ"óª

1576
01:10:38,603 --> 01:10:40,203
Ãóâ"óª trippin'

1577
01:10:40,205 --> 01:10:42,038
Ãóâ"óª yeah, I guess she had a point,
didn't she? Ãóâ"óª

1578
01:10:42,040 --> 01:10:44,607
Ãóâ"óª bunch of stereotypes
all in my head Ãóâ"óª

1579
01:10:44,609 --> 01:10:45,942
Ãóâ"óª I remember
doing the math like Ãóâ"óª

1580
01:10:45,944 --> 01:10:47,644
Ãóâ"óª "yeah,
I'm good at little league" Ãóâ"óª

1581
01:10:47,646 --> 01:10:50,180
Ãóâ"óª a preconceived idea
of what it all meant Ãóâ"óª

1582
01:10:50,182 --> 01:10:51,481
Ãóâ"óª for those that liked
the same sex Ãóâ"óª

1583
01:10:51,483 --> 01:10:53,149
Ãóâ"óª had the characteristics

1584
01:10:53,151 --> 01:10:55,819
Ãóâ"óª the right-wing conservatives
think it's a decision Ãóâ"óª

1585
01:10:55,821 --> 01:10:58,655
Ãóâ"óª and you can be cured with some
treatment and religion Ãóâ"óª

1586
01:10:58,657 --> 01:11:01,524
Ãóâ"óª man-made rewiring
of a predisposition Ãóâ"óª

1587
01:11:01,526 --> 01:11:02,892
Ãóâ"óª playing god

1588
01:11:02,894 --> 01:11:04,727
Ãóâ"óª aw, naw, here we go

1589
01:11:04,729 --> 01:11:07,497
Ãóâ"óª america the brave still fears
what we don't know Ãóâ"óª

1590
01:11:07,499 --> 01:11:10,099
Ãóâ"óª and god loves all his children
is somehow forgotten Ãóâ"óª

1591
01:11:10,101 --> 01:11:13,703
Ãóâ"óª but we paraphrase a book
written 3,500 years ago Ãóâ"óª

1592
01:11:13,705 --> 01:11:14,938
Ãóâ"óª I don't know

1593
01:11:14,940 --> 01:11:17,941
-Ãóâ"óª and I can't change

1594
01:11:20,578 --> 01:11:23,213
Ãóâ"óª even if I tried

1595
01:11:23,215 --> 01:11:26,516
Ãóâ"óª even if I wanted to

1596
01:11:26,518 --> 01:11:28,885
Ãóâ"óª and I can't change

1597
01:11:28,887 --> 01:11:31,754
Ãóâ"óª even if I tried

1598
01:11:31,756 --> 01:11:35,658
Ãóâ"óª even if I wanted to

1599
01:11:35,660 --> 01:11:37,193
Ãóâ"óª my love, my love, my love

1600
01:11:37,195 --> 01:11:39,929
Ãóâ"óª she keeps me warm

1601
01:11:39,931 --> 01:11:42,832
Ãóâ"óª she keeps me warm

1602
01:11:42,834 --> 01:11:45,869
Ãóâ"óª she keeps me warm

1603
01:11:45,871 --> 01:11:49,839
Ãóâ"óª she keeps me warm

1604
01:11:49,841 --> 01:11:51,174
-[ rapping ] Ãóâ"óª if I was gay

1605
01:11:51,176 --> 01:11:53,042
Ãóâ"óª I would think
hip-hop hates me Ãóâ"óª

1606
01:11:53,044 --> 01:11:55,645
Ãóâ"óª have you read
the youtube comments lately? Ãóâ"óª

1607
01:11:55,647 --> 01:11:58,047
Ãóâ"óª "man, that's gay"
gets dropped on the daily Ãóâ"óª

1608
01:11:58,049 --> 01:12:00,884
Ãóâ"óª we become so numb
to what we're saying Ãóâ"óª

1609
01:12:00,886 --> 01:12:02,519
Ãóâ"óª a culture founded
from oppression Ãóâ"óª

1610
01:12:02,521 --> 01:12:03,987
Ãóâ"óª yet we don't have
acceptance for 'em Ãóâ"óª

1611
01:12:03,989 --> 01:12:05,522
Ãóâ"óª call each other faggots

1612
01:12:05,524 --> 01:12:07,190
Ãóâ"óª behind the keys
of a message board Ãóâ"óª

1613
01:12:07,192 --> 01:12:09,692
Ãóâ"óª a word rooted in hate,
yet our genre still ignores it Ãóâ"óª

1614
01:12:09,694 --> 01:12:11,961
Ãóâ"óª gay is synonymous
with the lesser Ãóâ"óª

1615
01:12:11,963 --> 01:12:13,530
Ãóâ"óª it's the same hate

1616
01:12:13,532 --> 01:12:15,064
Ãóâ"óª that's caused wars
from religion Ãóâ"óª

1617
01:12:15,066 --> 01:12:16,533
Ãóâ"óª gender to skin color

1618
01:12:16,535 --> 01:12:17,734
Ãóâ"óª the complexion
of your pigment Ãóâ"óª

1619
01:12:17,736 --> 01:12:19,168
Ãóâ"óª the same fight
that led people Ãóâ"óª

1620
01:12:19,170 --> 01:12:20,803
Ãóâ"óª to walk-outs and sit-ins

1621
01:12:20,805 --> 01:12:22,071
Ãóâ"óª it's human rights
for everybody Ãóâ"óª

1622
01:12:22,073 --> 01:12:23,239
Ãóâ"óª there is no difference

1623
01:12:23,241 --> 01:12:26,009
Ãóâ"óª live on, and be yourself

1624
01:12:26,011 --> 01:12:28,678
Ãóâ"óª when I was at church,
they taught me something else Ãóâ"óª

1625
01:12:28,680 --> 01:12:30,647
Ãóâ"óª if you preach hate
at the service Ãóâ"óª

1626
01:12:30,649 --> 01:12:31,648
Ãóâ"óª those words aren't anointed

1627
01:12:31,650 --> 01:12:33,049
Ãóâ"óª that holy water

1628
01:12:33,051 --> 01:12:34,617
Ãóâ"óª that you soak in
has been poisoned Ãóâ"óª

1629
01:12:34,619 --> 01:12:36,085
Ãóâ"óª when everyone else

1630
01:12:36,087 --> 01:12:37,654
Ãóâ"óª is more comfortable
remaining voiceless Ãóâ"óª

1631
01:12:37,656 --> 01:12:39,022
Ãóâ"óª rather than fighting
for humans Ãóâ"óª

1632
01:12:39,024 --> 01:12:40,890
Ãóâ"óª that have had
their rights stolen Ãóâ"óª

1633
01:12:40,892 --> 01:12:43,259
Ãóâ"óª I might not be the same,
but that's not important Ãóâ"óª

1634
01:12:43,261 --> 01:12:44,894
Ãóâ"óª no freedom till we're equal

1635
01:12:44,896 --> 01:12:46,863
Ãóâ"óª damn right, I support it

1636
01:12:52,336 --> 01:12:54,037
Ãóâ"óª I don't know

1637
01:12:57,575 --> 01:13:00,143
-Ãóâ"óª love is patient

1638
01:13:00,145 --> 01:13:02,946
Ãóâ"óª love is kind

1639
01:13:02,948 --> 01:13:05,848
Ãóâ"óª love is patient

1640
01:13:05,850 --> 01:13:07,717
Ãóâ"óª love is kind

1641
01:13:07,719 --> 01:13:09,819
-Ãóâ"óª not crying on Sunday

1642
01:13:09,821 --> 01:13:12,889
[ fun.'s "carry on" plays ]

1643
01:13:16,894 --> 01:13:19,295
-Ãóâ"óª well, I woke up
to the sound of silence Ãóâ"óª

1644
01:13:19,297 --> 01:13:23,032
Ãóâ"óª the cries were cutting like
knives in a fist fight Ãóâ"óª

1645
01:13:26,136 --> 01:13:28,671
Ãóâ"óª and I found you with
a bottle of wine Ãóâ"óª

1646
01:13:28,673 --> 01:13:29,973
Ãóâ"óª your head in the curtains

1647
01:13:29,975 --> 01:13:32,275
Ãóâ"óª and heart
like the fourth of July Ãóâ"óª

1648
01:13:34,845 --> 01:13:37,380
Ãóâ"óª you swore and said,
"we are not Ãóâ"óª

1649
01:13:37,382 --> 01:13:39,849
Ãóâ"óª we are not shining stars"

1650
01:13:39,851 --> 01:13:41,918
Ãóâ"óª this I know

1651
01:13:41,920 --> 01:13:44,253
Ãóâ"óª I never said we are

1652
01:13:44,255 --> 01:13:46,823
Ãóâ"óª though I've never been
through hell like that Ãóâ"óª

1653
01:13:46,825 --> 01:13:48,625
Ãóâ"óª I've closed
enough windows to know Ãóâ"óª

1654
01:13:48,627 --> 01:13:50,893
Ãóâ"óª you can never look back

1655
01:13:53,797 --> 01:13:55,999
Ãóâ"óª if you're lost and alone

1656
01:13:56,001 --> 01:13:58,301
Ãóâ"óª or you're sinking
like a stone Ãóâ"óª

1657
01:13:58,303 --> 01:14:01,938
Ãóâ"óª carry on

1658
01:14:02,940 --> 01:14:05,208
Ãóâ"óª may your past be the sound

1659
01:14:05,210 --> 01:14:07,744
Ãóâ"óª of your feet upon the ground

1660
01:14:07,746 --> 01:14:11,681
Ãóâ"óª carry on

1661
01:14:11,683 --> 01:14:13,850
Ãóâ"óª carry on, carry on

1662
01:14:18,188 --> 01:14:20,056
-An article
came out in the paper,

1663
01:14:20,058 --> 01:14:22,225
And then we had it
on our news channels,

1664
01:14:22,227 --> 01:14:24,727
And it was hard
for several of my family members

1665
01:14:24,729 --> 01:14:28,731
To see my son on there
with his gay partner.

1666
01:14:28,733 --> 01:14:31,100
It didn't bother me,
but it bothered a lot of people.

1667
01:14:31,102 --> 01:14:32,969
I ignore it.
[ chuckles ]

1668
01:14:32,971 --> 01:14:34,871
'cause I'm proud
of what shane's doing,

1669
01:14:34,873 --> 01:14:37,206
And because I'll always
be grateful for tom

1670
01:14:37,208 --> 01:14:39,108
And what he gave to my son.

1671
01:14:39,110 --> 01:14:41,177
-Many times he said, you know,

1672
01:14:41,179 --> 01:14:44,013
"my life is not worth living
without tom."

1673
01:14:44,015 --> 01:14:46,816
He's risen like a phoenix
from the ashes.

1674
01:14:46,818 --> 01:14:50,053
-Shane, the guy who was afraid
of coming out

1675
01:14:50,055 --> 01:14:52,221
And accepting who he was,

1676
01:14:52,223 --> 01:14:53,990
And now he's in front
of the parade

1677
01:14:53,992 --> 01:14:57,060
With rainbow flags behind him.

1678
01:14:57,062 --> 01:14:59,228
He made something positive
out of it,

1679
01:14:59,230 --> 01:15:01,264
Which is always tom's motto.

1680
01:15:01,266 --> 01:15:04,400
-Shane gave
discrimination against gays

1681
01:15:04,402 --> 01:15:08,137
A beautiful, unforgettable face,

1682
01:15:08,139 --> 01:15:10,039
And that face is tom.

1683
01:15:10,041 --> 01:15:12,175
-Ãóâ"óª my head is on fire

1684
01:15:12,177 --> 01:15:14,277
Ãóâ"óª but my legs are fine

1685
01:15:14,279 --> 01:15:17,480
Ãóâ"óª after all, they are mine

1686
01:15:17,482 --> 01:15:21,150
Ãóâ"óª lay your clothes
down on the floor Ãóâ"óª

1687
01:15:21,152 --> 01:15:22,151
Ãóâ"óª close the door

1688
01:15:22,153 --> 01:15:23,953
Ãóâ"óª hold the phones

1689
01:15:23,955 --> 01:15:28,458
Ãóâ"óª show me how no one's ever
gonna stop us tonight Ãóâ"óª

1690
01:15:28,460 --> 01:15:30,727
[ guitar solo ]

1691
01:15:44,508 --> 01:15:46,776
-Ãóâ"óª 'cause here we are

1692
01:15:46,778 --> 01:15:48,878
Ãóâ"óª we are shining stars

1693
01:15:48,880 --> 01:15:51,080
Ãóâ"óª we are invincible

1694
01:15:51,082 --> 01:15:53,516
Ãóâ"óª we are who we are

1695
01:15:53,518 --> 01:15:58,187
Ãóâ"óª on our darkest day
when we're miles away Ãóâ"óª

1696
01:15:58,189 --> 01:16:02,859
Ãóâ"óª sun will come,
we will find our way home Ãóâ"óª

1697
01:16:02,861 --> 01:16:05,128
-Ãóâ"óª if you're lost and alone

1698
01:16:05,130 --> 01:16:07,363
Ãóâ"óª or you're sinking
like a stone Ãóâ"óª

1699
01:16:07,365 --> 01:16:11,167
-Ãóâ"óª carry on

1700
01:16:12,202 --> 01:16:14,303
-Ãóâ"óª may your past be the sound

1701
01:16:14,305 --> 01:16:16,839
Ãóâ"óª of your feet upon the ground

1702
01:16:16,841 --> 01:16:20,376
-Ãóâ"óª carry on

1703
01:16:20,378 --> 01:16:22,945
Ãóâ"óª oh, oh, oh

1704
01:16:22,947 --> 01:16:25,081
Ãóâ"óª oh, oh, oh

1705
01:16:25,083 --> 01:16:27,950
Ãóâ"óª oh, oh, oh-oh-oh

1706
01:16:27,952 --> 01:16:29,352
Ãóâ"óª oh, oh, oh, oh

1707
01:16:30,454 --> 01:16:32,121
Ãóâ"óª oh, oh

1708
01:16:32,123 --> 01:16:34,357
Ãóâ"óª oh, oh, oh, oh

1709
01:16:34,359 --> 01:16:37,160
Ãóâ"óª oh, oh, oh-oh-oh

1710
01:16:37,162 --> 01:16:38,528
Ãóâ"óª oh, oh, oh, oh

1711
01:16:38,530 --> 01:16:41,964
-Ãóâ"óª no one's ever
gonna stop us tonight Ãóâ"óª

1712
01:16:45,536 --> 01:16:51,174
[ echoing ] Ãóâ"óª no one's ever
gonna stop us tonight Ãóâ"óª

1713
01:16:52,342 --> 01:16:53,476
Ãóâ"óª no one's ever

1714
01:16:53,478 --> 01:16:55,478
Ãóâ"óª no one's ever gonna stop

1715
01:16:55,480 --> 01:16:57,079
Ãóâ"óª no one's ever gonna stop

1716
01:16:57,081 --> 01:17:00,316
Ãóâ"óª no one's ever
gonna stop us tonight Ãóâ"óª

1717
01:17:27,144 --> 01:17:29,212
[ adam lambert's
"outlaws of love" plays ]

1718
01:17:33,250 --> 01:17:35,151
-Ãóâ"óª hey

1719
01:17:35,153 --> 01:17:38,254
Ãóâ"óª tears all fall the same

1720
01:17:38,256 --> 01:17:41,357
Ãóâ"óª we all feel the rain

1721
01:17:41,359 --> 01:17:45,228
Ãóâ"óª we can't change

1722
01:17:47,898 --> 01:17:50,533
Ãóâ"óª everywhere we go

1723
01:17:50,535 --> 01:17:54,203
Ãóâ"óª we're lookin' for the sun

1724
01:17:54,205 --> 01:17:57,073
Ãóâ"óª nowhere to grow old

1725
01:17:57,075 --> 01:18:00,409
Ãóâ"óª we're always on the run

1726
01:18:00,411 --> 01:18:03,379
Ãóâ"óª they say we'll rot in hell

1727
01:18:03,381 --> 01:18:06,883
Ãóâ"óª but I don't think we will

1728
01:18:06,885 --> 01:18:09,385
Ãóâ"óª they've branded us enough

1729
01:18:09,387 --> 01:18:14,390
Ãóâ"óª outlaws of love

1730
01:18:18,028 --> 01:18:23,099
Ãóâ"óª scars make us who we are

1731
01:18:23,101 --> 01:18:27,937
Ãóâ"óª hearts and homes
are broken Ãóâ"óª

1732
01:18:27,939 --> 01:18:31,007
Ãóâ"óª broken

1733
01:18:31,009 --> 01:18:32,508
Ãóâ"óª far

1734
01:18:32,510 --> 01:18:35,978
Ãóâ"óª we could go so far

1735
01:18:35,980 --> 01:18:40,516
Ãóâ"óª with our minds wide open

1736
01:18:40,518 --> 01:18:43,686
Ãóâ"óª open

1737
01:18:43,688 --> 01:18:45,421
Ãóâ"óª hey

1738
01:18:45,423 --> 01:18:48,557
Ãóâ"óª tears all fall the same

1739
01:18:48,559 --> 01:18:51,694
Ãóâ"óª we all feel the rain

1740
01:18:51,696 --> 01:18:55,131
Ãóâ"óª we can't change

1741
01:18:55,133 --> 01:18:57,700
Ãóâ"óª everywhere we go

1742
01:18:57,702 --> 01:19:01,404
Ãóâ"óª we're lookin' for the sun

1743
01:19:01,406 --> 01:19:04,240
Ãóâ"óª nowhere to grow old

1744
01:19:04,242 --> 01:19:07,443
Ãóâ"óª we're always on the run

1745
01:19:07,445 --> 01:19:10,613
Ãóâ"óª they say we'll rot in hell

1746
01:19:10,615 --> 01:19:14,016
Ãóâ"óª but I don't think we will

1747
01:19:14,018 --> 01:19:16,619
Ãóâ"óª they've branded us enough

1748
01:19:16,621 --> 01:19:23,125
Ãóâ"óª outlaws of love

1749
01:19:23,127 --> 01:19:29,365
Ãóâ"óª outlaws of love

1750
01:19:29,367 --> 01:19:35,671
Ãóâ"óª outlaws of love

1751
01:19:35,673 --> 01:19:42,278
Ãóâ"óª outlaws of love

1752
01:19:42,280 --> 01:19:50,753
Ãóâ"óª outlaws of love

1753
01:19:50,755 --> 01:19:52,221
-[ knocks three times ]