Brian stood on the catwalk; looking down at the hundreds of hot, sweaty bodies moving to the music, grinding against each other.

"The pickings are slim, huh?" Emmett asked.

Brian glanced at him, then returned his gaze to the guy he'd been eyeing all night.

"When was the last time you two talked?" Emmett asked, seeing who it was that Brian was staring at.

Brian didn't say anything, just sighed.

"You do know that he left Ethan, right?"

Brian looked up at him, "So?"

"So? There's a reason for that."

"And what might that be?" Brian was starting to get annoyed. Everybody always thought they had the right to butt into their relationship, or the lack there of.

"You."

Brian rolled his eyes and began to leave, but Emmett grabbed his arm.

"Can't you see it? He's just as miserable as you are."

Brian looked at Emmett, then down at the blonde in the crowd. It had been almost five months since Justin left and over three months since Justin left Ethan. Apparently the great romance didn't last that long and wasn't all that great. He and Justin tried to remain civil, since Justin still worked at the diner and they had the same friends. Emmett was right. He could see it. He could see that Justin wasn't happy, not even during those two months that he was with Ethan. And he hated the feeling that Justin's unhappiness was once again his fault. And not for the first time he wondered how different their lives would have been if they hadn't met that night. If he hadn't seen Justin leaning against that pole.

Brian pushed Emmett's hand away and walked downstairs and out of the club. He was tired of the loud music, but didn't want to go home yet, so he pulled his Jeep out on the road and headed to Woody's.

~~

"I don't think I've ever seen Brian Kinney so depressed before."

Brian looked up to see Mysterious Marilyn standing next to him.

"He still loves you, you know," she continued.

"Who?" Brian asked.

"You know who, honey. The same little twink that you're thinking of right now."

"Is that supposed to impress me? Everybody here knows I was with him."

"Yes, but only few know how much you care about him."

Brian smirked.

"I can help," Mysterious Marilyn said, taking a seat next to him.

"Help? How?" Brian was actually drunk enough to be amused by this.

"Make a wish."

"What?"

"Here," she handed him a little crystal, "Put this under your pillow tonight and make a wish before you go to sleep."

"Are you kidding me? Am I gonna see a tooth fairy fly through my window?"

"Trust me. You can wish for anything you want."

"Like what?"

"Like for him to never have left you. Or for him to be in your bed the next day. Whatever you want."

Brian sneered again.

"It can't hurt, can it?"

Brian sighed. It can't get any worse than this. He placed the crystal in his pocket, threw a few bills down for the drink, and walked out of the bar.

~~

Brian stumbled in, sliding the door shut behind him. He took of his jacket and threw it on the couch. He heard something hitting the floor. Turning on the light he saw the little crystal that Mysterious Marilyn gave him lying on the floor. He picked it up and went into the bedroom. He felt too tired and too drunk to undress, so he just dropped on the bed.

Twirling the crystal in his hand he wondered what he wanted to wish for. For Justin to be here right now? Yes. For him to be inside Justin? More than anything. For him to stop loving Justin? It would make life so easy. For him to never have met Justin? Definitely.

"I wish I didn't meet Justin that night," he said out loud, then put the crystal under his pillow, and closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to overcome him.

~~

TWO YEARS BEFORE

"That was quick," Michael said when Brian came down the stairs and put an arm around him.

"When you've had as much practice as he's had," Ted chimed in.

"I got bored," Brian replied.

"Yeah, `cause getting your dick sucked can be so tedious," Emmett said.

"Hey, Kinney."

Brian turned around to see his latest trick standing a few feet away.

"What the fuck do you want?" Brian said annoyed.

"I thought we'd continue this somewhere else," the trick said, getting closer.

Brian smirked, "You weren't THAT good."

~~

Justin leaned against the light pole, asking himself once again what the hell he was doing here.

"You're new around here," he heard someone say. Turning around he saw a guy standing next to him. He was a little bit taller than Justin, buff, but not too much. He had light brown hair and green eyes. Justin thought he looked a lot like Shane West, only a couple years younger.

"Is it that obvious?" Justin asked.

"Well…yeah, sort of," the other guy said. "I'm Caleb."

"Justin."

"Can I buy you a drink?" Caleb asked.

"Uhm…"

"No funny business, I promise."

Justin considered his options, "Yeah, sure," he nodded.

They both crossed the street, heading towards the bar.

~~

He finally got rid of the trick. This one was persistent. Brian turned around and headed toward the Jeep again.

"So, what was wrong with this one?" Ted asked as they once again moved towards the Jeep.

"He looked pretty hot to me," Michael said.

"Everybody looks hot to you," Brian said, putting his jacked inside the Jeep. He got this weird feeling. Looking up, he stared at the light pole. Suddenly he saw an image of a blonde standing there looking at him like in a soda commercial. He turned away then looked back. There was nobody there. Blaming his hallucination on whatever drug he took tonight, Brian opened the door and got into the Jeep.

~~~

"Caleb is a really strange name," Justin said, sipping on a beer.

"It means faithful. My dad cheated on my mom while she was pregnant with me, so she wanted to make sure that her son wouldn't do that to another woman," he explained. "I guess she can rest easy. All the women are safe from me."

They both laughed.

Caleb found himself to be completely mesmerized by Justin's smile. It was a shy smile, but it could brighten up the whole room.

"Does she…does she know…" Justin tried to ask.

"That I'm gay?"

"Yeah."

"On the days when she visits from the denial land. What about your folks?"

"Oh, God, no. They'd kill me," Justin shook his head.

"Maybe not."

"No. There's no way that's gonna happen."

Caleb nodded. That topic was closed. "I gotta get home. Do you want a ride or something?"

"Uh, no. My parents think I'm sleeping over at a friend's."

"So, you have nowhere to go?"

"Well…technically…" Justin looked down.

"My place is only a couple of blocks away."

Justin looked up at him. Even he realized what the invitation meant.

"Ok," he said.

~~~

"So, boys, get any dick tonight?" Debbie asked with a huge smile.

"Ma!" Michael whined, as Emmett, Ted, and Brian laughed.

"Well, I know I don't have to ask you," she said to Brian who gave her an innocent look. "So, what are you all gonna have?" she took out the order book.

While the boys were ordering, Brian took out his cell phone to check if there were any calls.

"Shit."

"What's wrong?" Michael asked.

"I left the damn phone off." He turned the phone on and pressed the button to check his messages.

All four of them stared at him, watching the expression on his face change. "Fuck!" he exclaimed.

"What's wrong now?" Debbie asked.

Brian got up, grabbing his jacket, "Mel called from the hospital."

"Holly shit," Michael said, getting up and following Brian out of the diner.

~~~

"Come on in," Caleb said, holding the door open for Justin.

Walking in, Justin looked around. It was a very small one-bedroom apartment.

"It's a nice place," Justin tried to be polite.

Caleb chuckled, "It's a shit-hole, but it's my shit-hole and that's all that matters."

Justin smiled.

"You want anything to drink?" Caleb asked, opening the fridge and taking out a can of pop.

"No, thanks," Justin said. His heart was racing in anticipation of what was to come next.

He watched the other man take a couple of sips out of the can. Putting it down on the kitchen table, Caleb slowly walked toward him. Justin thought his heart would leap out of his chest as Caleb leaned in, gently placing a kiss on his lips. He pulled away a bit, looking at Justin, making sure it was ok. He kissed him again, this time slipping a tongue into his mouth. It started slowly and gently, growing into a passionate kiss.

~~~

"Oh, my God," Brian said at the sight of Lindsay on the bed, holding a baby.

"Say hello to your son," Lindsay said.

Brian hesitated.

"Well, go on, Michael nudged him.

"When did it start?" Brian asked, coming closer to the bed.

"Around seven," Melanie said, obviously annoyed. She was always annoyed with him. That wasn't anything new.

"Six hours later there he was," Lindsay added.

"Wish I could've been here," Brian said, looking down at his son. "How often do I get to see snatch?"

They laughed.

"Looks just like you," Lindsay said.

"I guess he must be mine then."

"Wanna hold him?"

Carefully, she handed their son to him.

"Careful, don't drop him," Melanie said.

"That's just what I was planning on doing," Brian said sarcastically.

He couldn't stop staring at this little creature in his hands. He smiled at his son.

"We've been thinking of names. Mel wants to call him Abraham, after her grandfather, but I like Gus," Lindsay said.

Brian looked up at where Michael was standing. Suddenly, there was another person standing there. The same blonde he thought he saw outside of Babylon. "You wouldn't survive a day in school being named Abraham, but I guess Gus is ok," he heard the blonde say.

"Brian?" He heard Lindsay's voice.

"Hmm…what?" he looked down at her.

"What do you think?"

He looked down at his son, "Gus." He looked back at her, noticing the very unhappy look on Melanie's face. "Gus." He repeated. For some reason it felt right. "Come on, Gus, give your daddy a smile."

He smiled and looked at Michael who took his first picture with his son.

~~~

It took him a moment to realize where he was, to remember the events of the night before. He rolled on his back to see the other man staring at him.

"Morning," Caleb smiled.

"Morning."

"How did you sleep?"

"Fine."

Caleb scooted closer and kissed him. "Last night was great."

Justin smiled, "Yeah. I think all the kudos for that go to you, since I had no fucking idea what I was doing."

"You were wonderful." Caleb kissed him again.

"You mind if I take a shower?" Justin asked, sitting up.

"No, not at all."

Justin got up and strolled out of the room.

The warm water felt incredible on his body. Everything felt incredible right now. It was as if his body had been asleep and was awakened last night. He remembered the feel of Caleb inside him. It was something he'd never felt before. It was so completely new and exciting. He knew he should have been happy. He had sex last night. And he was happy. He was ecstatic. But there was something missing.

~~~

Brian opened his eyes, trying to remember what the fuck happened the night before. Unable to do so, he tried to remember what the fuck he took last night. Unable to do that either, he strutted over to the phone to check his messages. Hearing Mel's message it all came crashing down on him. The hospital, his son, Lindsay. He remembered all of it.

"Fuck. I have a baby."

He looked around the loft. Something wasn't right. It was this weird feeling he had in the pit of his stomach. The loft was empty. But that's how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to be alone here.

Hoping that a shower would help erase the effects of the hangover, Brian headed for the bathroom.

He leaned against the wall, letting the water run down his body. It felt good. But something was still off. An image of the same blonde standing here with him in the shower ran through his mind. What the fuck? He couldn't even remember meeting that guy, but he kept seeing him in his head. He closed his eyes, trying to shut out the image. The image went away, but the feeling that something was wrong, that something was missing was still there.

~~~

Noticing Daphne on the steps, he ran up to her.

"Where have you been?" She asked, handing him his stuff, "Your mom called. I didn't know what to tell her. I said you were still asleep."

He just stared back at her, a smirk on his face.

"Justin?"

His smile grew wider, "I'll tell you later."

Picking up his bag and uniform, they went inside the school.

***

"Guess what I was doing last night," Justin asked, looking up from his sketchbook. He and Daphne sat outside watching a football practice.

"Sleeping. Same as me," she said.

"Having sex. All night. With that guy I met," Justin bragged.

Daphne glanced at him, then took another bite out of a veggie wrap.

"Well, aren't you shocked?" Justin couldn't understand her reaction, or the lack of it.

"Not really."

"Oh."

"Well, I kinda figured that you were…you know. Even though you never told me."

"I'm telling you now."

Daphne looked down at the wrap in her hand, "Want some of my veggie wrap?" she offered?

~~~

"So, like what is he now? Your boyfriend?" Daphne asked as they walked towards her car.

"We only just met," Justin replied.

"Well, do you love him?"

"Well…no….uhm…" He wasn't sure what he felt. It was so completely new. "No. I don't think so."

"Does he love you?"

"Daph, we only had sex once," he said. "Well, it was more like three times," he grinned. "But we did only just meet."

"Are you gonna see him again?"

"Probably. He gave me his phone number. I might go down there again tonight."

~~~

Justin picked up the phone for the fifth time now. He even dialed the number once, but then hung up. For some reason he was nervous to call Caleb. Finally he decided to just go for it.

Caleb picked up on the second ring. They exchanged pleasantries, then Caleb asked if he wanted to meet at Woody's. After agreeing on time, Justin hung up. He sighed in relief. Caleb sounded like he was happy to hear from him. Getting up, Justin went to his closet, trying to figure out what he should wear tonight.

~~~

Strange as it was, Justin felt even more nervous than he did the night before walking into Woody's. The place was packed and everybody was cheering and singing along with some queen up on stage.

"Justin," he heard to the left of him.

"Hey," he smiled. "Sorry, I'm late."

"Oh, that's ok," Caleb said, pulling a stool next to the table. There were two other guys sitting next to him. "This is Nicholas and Kevin," Caleb introduced them. "This is Justin."

"Hi," Justin said.

Kevin sort of nodded without really looking at him. Nicholas, on the other hand, gave him a big inviting smile. "Here, sit," Nicholas grabbed the same stool that Caleb moved a minute earlier and pulled it closer to him, "While our dear Caleb here goes and gets us another round."

Caleb winked at Justin, then got up and headed towards the bar.

"So, when did you and Caleb meet?" Nicholas asked.

"Uhm…" He felt a little uncomfortable talking to this stranger. "Last night."

"Must have been some night," Nicholas gave him a mischievous grin. "Oh, look, Kev, he's blushing," Nicholas turned to the guy on his right. They were both about the same age as Caleb.

Kevin looked at Justin, then got up and stalked off towards the exit.

"Charming, isn't he?" Nicholas said, turning to Justin.

"I guess he doesn't like me, huh?"

"Don't take it personally. He's just overly protective of Cale."

"Oh," Justin wasn't sure what to say. He wanted to ask more about Kevin, but just then Caleb came back with four bottles of beer.

Placing a peck on Justin's cheek, Caleb sat down. "Where's Kevin?"

"Sulking somewhere as always," Nicholas offered.

"Don't you think you should go check where he is?" Caleb shot back.

"Just because we fuck doesn't mean I have to baby-sit him," Nicholas pouted, getting up. "I tell ya," he said to Justin, "This whole relationship thing sucks a big one."

Justin watched Nicholas walk out, then turned to Caleb. "They're together?"

"Yeah. Off and on."

Justin looked at him, puzzled.

"They break up at least once a week. If you ask me they're only in it for the make up sex."

They both laughed.

"You wanna get out of here?" Caleb asked.

"Sure."

They exited the bar, not noticing two men entering.

~~~

The minute Brian and Michael walked in they saw Emmett on stage and everybody was singing along and cheering. Brian looked around, scanning for potential fucks when the blonde popped up again in his mind. He hasn't had that happen the whole day and he thought that it was just the drugs he took the night before. But he hasn't had anything to drink yet this evening nor did he take any drugs yet. Trying to get the image out of his head, he focused on Emmett and Ted who were coming towards them.

~~~

"Did you take all these?" Justin asked, looking at the black-and-white pictures on the wall.

"Yeah," Caleb said proudly as he opened two bottles of beer and carried them over to Justin.

"They're great. I mean, I don't know much about photography, but they're great."

"Thanks," Caleb said humbly. "I love it. All these different thing you can do with a camera. The way you can change how a person looks just by changing the angle of how the light falls on a face. The world looks completely different through a camera lens."

Justin smiled at him. "Is that what you do for a living?"

"I wish. No. I take other people's pictures. You know, weddings, birthday parties. Stuff like that. It's hard to make a living just doing my own stuff."

"Yeah, that's what my mom says every time I tell her I want to be an artist."

"You're an artist?" Caleb asked, surprised.

"Oh. Uh…yeah. I draw." Not it was Justin's turn to be humble about his talent.

"I'd love to see your work some time."

"Sure."

Justin looked away, not sure what the next move was going to be. Caleb sat his drink down on the coffee table and took a step closer to him.

"When do you have to be home?" he asked softly.

"Nnn…not…until later," Justin stuttered.

"Good," Caleb said, placing his lips over Justin's, engulfing his mouth with his own.

~~~

Congratulating himself on a great choice for tonight's entertainment, Brian plunged into Mr. Goodfuck's ass once again. The other man was moaning loudly, but Brian just pushed in harder and harder. He was almost ready to cum when he saw the same blonde's face before him…tears in his eyes…and his own voice saying… "I don't believe in love. I believe in fucking." He could see the hurt in the other man's eyes. "I want you," the blonde said. What the fuck? Brian pulled out of Mr. Goodfuck and slumped on the bed, trying to shake off the image of this mystery man.

"Everything ok?" the man next to him asked.

This was ridiculous. Nothing was going to interrupt this, not even his messed up subconscious. Once again Brian pushed into the man on the bed, putting every other thought out of his mind.

~~~

"What are you doing tomorrow night?" Caleb asked as he watched Justin pull on his pants.

Justin shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, we're going to Babylon. You wanna come with?"

"Babylon?"

"Yeah, it's this dance club."

"Yeah, sure."

"Great. Although we're gonna have to figure out how to get you in," Caleb said.

"I have a fake id," Justin replied, sitting next to him on the edge of the bed.

"You need to have a membership card."

"Membership?"

"Yeah. I'll just ask Kevin to get it for you. He can get anything."

Justin grimaced, "I don't think Kevin likes me very much."

Caleb smirked, "Kevin doesn't like anybody every much. He's a grouch."

"I can see why you're friends with him," Justin said sarcastically.

"But he's a sweetheart on the inside," Caleb added, affection apparent in his voice.

"How long have you guys known each other?" Justin asked.

"Uhm…three - four years. Yeah, four. He picked me up one night at Boy Toy."

"You guys were together?!" Justin was staggered.

"Yeah. For about five months."

"What happened?" Justin knew it was none of his business, but for some reason he just had to know.

Caleb shrugged, "We were both too stubborn to say `sorry'."

"Oh," Justin looked away.

"But…we still wanted to be a part of each other's lives, so we stayed friends."

"And Nicholas?"

"Oh, Nicky's been great for Kevin. He's softening him up a bit so that the rest of us can actually deal with him," Caleb laughed.

Justin sighed, "Well, I should get going before my mother reports me missing." He leaned in and kissed the other man softly. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow than."

Caleb smiled, "Good night."

~~~

The next evening once again Justin made his way down Liberty Avenue. He stood outside of Babylon waiting for Caleb.

"Hi," he felt arms snake around his waist.

He turned around to see a smiling Caleb behind him. "Hi."

Caleb kissed him. "Ready to party?"

"Yeah," Justin smiled back. His smile disappeared quickly when he saw Kevin standing next to them.

"Well, come on then," Nicholas said, grabbing Justin's hand and pulling him towards the entrance.

~~~

Brian finally made his way towards the trick he's been chasing all night. The guy was hot. He couldn't wait to get him to the loft and fuck him. They were dancing when he saw another one dancing not too far away. He motioned for him to join them. Tonight was going to be hot.

That's when he saw it…the blonde head. He wasn't even sure if it was another hallucination or reality. He stopped dancing, trying to see the blonde's face. Leaving the two tricks, Brian made his way through the dance floor, but the blonde was gone, lost in the crowd.

Brian turned around, walking back to the two hot guys he left behind when he saw himself dancing with the same blonde. He saw himself kiss him, roll his tongue up and down his neck. He could feel him, could smell him, could even taste the other man on his tongue. This was getting weirder and weirder. The image disappeared and once again he was staring at the two tricks dancing in the same spot where he left them. Only now all he wanted was to go home…alone. Turning around, he rapidly made his way out of the club.

***

"Chris? No way," Daphne said after Justin finished telling herabout the handjob he gave the football player as they laid on

Justin's bed.

"Then don't believe me," Justin replied.

"What about Caleb? Aren't you like dating him?"

"So? Me and Chris. That's nothing serious. That's just fucking."

Daphne chuckled, "Oh, and I thought it was detention."

Their laughter was interrupted by Justin's mother.

~~

Justin ran up the stairs. Barely catching his breath he knocked on Caleb's door. As soon as the door opened he dashed through it.

"Justin, what's wrong?" Caleb asked, turning to his frantic lover.

"She knows," Justin finally stopped pacing and looked at him. "My mom knows."

Even from a distance Caleb could tell that Justin was trembling. He sighed, walked over to the younger man, and wrapped his arms around him. Justin exhaled, clinging to the other man as if he could make it all go away.

Caleb kept running his arm up and down Justin's back, trying to calm him down.

"It's going to be ok," he finally said.

Justin pulled away from him. "How can you say that?!" Justin looked at him in disbelief. "She KNOWS!"

"It's not the end of the world."

"No. Just my life," he flopped down on the couch.

"Don't you think you're exaggerating?" Caleb sat next to him, putting his hand on Justin's thigh.

"You don't understand. She'll tell my dad. And...I...FUCK!" Justin stood up, pacing once again.

"Hey," Caleb got up grabbing his hand.

Justin stopped and looked at him.

"Look at it this way...now you don't have to tell her," Caleb smiled.

Justin didn't seem to find anything good in that, but the soothing sound of Caleb's soft voice did the job calming him down. He pulled Caleb closer and kissed him. He wanted to forget about his mother right now. Feeling his own cock stirring in his jeans, he looked down at Caleb's. His was in the same state of alert. Justin squeezed Caleb's cock causing a gasp to escape the other man's lips.

~~

Justin rolled on his side and looked at the clock. "Shit!" It was late.

"What are you going to do?" Caleb asked.

Justin flopped back down on the pillow, "I don't know. Pretend that nothing happened? I don't know." He sighed. "She said she wouldn't tell my dad."

"It's going to be ok," Caleb said for the umpteenth time, trying to convince Justin.

"I don't wanna go home."

"You could stay here tonight," Caleb said, "Although I think it would only make things worse."

"It can't get any worse," Justin said, although he sat up and started to pull his jeans back on.

~~

When he got home he realized that his mother had kept her promise. His father had no idea. He told them he was at Daphne's and then went upstairs and locked himself in his room.

~~

Justin saw Caleb and Kevin sitting in the corner. Smiling, he came up to them. Leaning in Caleb's ear he said, "Take your shirt off, you get a free drink." Caleb turned to him and put his arms around Justin's waist.

"What do you get for taking your pants off?" Kevin growled, earning a look from Caleb.

"So, how are things with your mom?" he asked, returning his attention to the blonde in his arms.

"She's pathetic. She took me to a fucking waste of time therapist."

"She just wants you to talk to her."

"Well, I want her to leave me alone. What did your parents do when they found out that you were...you know...gay?"

Kevin snorted out a laugh, earning another glare from his best friend.

"What?" Justin asked.

"Well, my dad couldn't have cared less."

"And your mom?"

"Two words...selective memory," Kevin butted in.

Justin looked at both of them confused.

"She blocked that particular conversation out of her mind," Caleb explained.

"Oh," was all that came out of Justin's mouth.

"Well, I'm gonna get us drinks," Caleb said getting up. "Beer?" he asked Justin who nodded in reply.

Justin watched Caleb walk away when he noticed a man in a grey sweater sitting at the bar. He couldn't see his face but something about the man drew Justin to him. He was about to walk toward the bar when he saw Daphne running through the door.

"Daph?"

"Please, don't kill me. It's not my fault," she said making her way closer to him.

"What's not your fault?" he asked confused.

"My mom answered. She said you weren't there. I didn't know what to do."

"I don't know what you're talking about." When he looked up he saw his mother in the entrance. "Fuck me! What's she doing here?"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you. I said you were here," Daphne said.

But Justin didn't hear what his friend was saying. His mind was screaming, "Mom's here! Mom's here!" He started to back away, not really sure where he was going. He just wanted to be as far away from his mother as possible. When his eyes met hers, he turned around and ran toward the bathroom, ignoring his mother calling his name.

~~

"Justin?"

Justin looked up to see Caleb in front of him, "What are you doing in here?"

"Mom," was all Justin said. When Caleb just looked at him puzzled, he added, "My mom is here."

"That woman out there with blonde hair..."

"My mom," Justin nodded.

"Oh, shit," Caleb ran his fingers through is hair.

"I gotta get out of here," Justin said.

Caleb looked around, trying to come up with an idea. "The window," he pointed towards the window on the opposite side. He helped Justin crawl out of the window. Then, passing by Justin's mother, he headed toward the table where Kevin was still sitting, grabbed Justin's shirt, and ran out of the bar.

~~

Brian was in bed smoking, happy to have gotten rid of tonight's trick. The guy was hot, but in bed he wasn't all that good. His thoughts were back on the same blonde he kept seeing in his head. Who was he was the question that bugged the hell out of him.

"I need you," Brian heard the blonde say to him.

***

"Does your mom know you're out buying jewelry?" Daphne asked while the two of them were looking at bracelets.

"You know, she's totally cool with everything. Or at least she's pretending to be because she's scared I'll run away and become a hairdresser," Justin laughed.

"I hate you. My mom's such a bitch and I haven't even given her a reason yet.

"How about these?" Justin showed her his choice.

Making a face, Daphne shook her head no, "They're totally queer."

"Shut up. They're a symbol of our friendship," he said, putting one of the bracelets on her right hand, then the other one on his.

Daphne shrugged, "Ok. Thanks."

"Actually, I don't have any money." Seeing the look on Daphne's face, he explained, "I had to buy a fake ID."

"Hey, Blondie!"

Justin turned around to see Nicholas standing behind him.

"Hi," Justin smiled. "How are you?"

"Good. Got off work early, so I thought I'd kill some time."

Daphne cleared her throat to let Justin know that she was still there.

"Oh…uhm…" Justin turned to her then back to Nicholas, "This is my friend Daphne. Daph, this is Nicholas."

Daphne smiled and said hi.

"It's nice to meet you," Nicholas said, "You busy now? I was gonna go get some coffee and dessert. Wanna join me?"

"Oh, I have to get home," Daphne said. Noticing the pleading look on Justin's face she realized that he really wanted to go with Nicholas. "But you should go."

"Uhm…ok," Justin said, waving good-bye to Daphne as he and Nicholas crossed the street.

~~

"Where's Kevin?" Justin asked after taking another bite out of a brownie.

"Fuck if I know," Nicholas shrugged.

"Did you guys have another fight?"

"Caleb told you about those, huh?"

"Well, sort of." Suddenly Justin felt very uncomfortable, feeling like he was prying into somebody else's private life.

Nicholas smirked, "It's ok. We fight. We make up. And let me tell you…the making up part is so worth it." They both giggled like two high school girls.

"How long have you known Caleb?" Justin asked when they calmed down.

"Ahh. Are you going to snoop for information on your boyfriend now?"

"Uhm…" Justin looked away. That is exactly what he was doing.

Nicholas smiled, "That's ok. I did the same thing when I met Kev. Sat down with Caleb and asked him questions."

"Like what?"

"Like…uhm…like whether those two were ever together and why they broke up. That's what you wanna know, right?"

Justin looked down at his plate. The guy was good. Very perceptive.

"Thought so," Nicholas smirked. "Ok, well, let's see. Uhm…I met them both about two years ago. And right away I could tell that they had been together. There was just this vibe, this energy between them. Kevin insisted they were just friends. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Did you believe him?"

"Of course not. So I asked Caleb…and got the same answer."

"Oh."

"Still, I could tell that they cared about each other a great deal, so I decided to back off." Nicholas took a sip of his coffee.

"And what happened?"

"Uhm…actually, I'm not sure. Somehow Kevin and I just kept ending up in bed…his, mine, even Caleb's." Nicholas chuckled.

Justin smiled, "And now?"

"Now? They still care about each other. A lot. I know that."

"And you're ok with that?" Justin asked.

Nicholas shrugged, "Why wouldn't I be? If they wanted to act on it they would have done it already. They seem to think they're better off as friends. Who am I to say no?"

"Aren't you like jealous?" Justin didn't think he could be as cool about it as Nicholas.

"No, not really. I know that Kev loves me. And I love him. Even when he drives me crazy. So, I make it work. We make it work."

Justin sighed, "I don't think I could do that."

"Oh, honey, you have nothing to worry about, trust me. Caleb's completely smitten by you."

Justin smiled shyly.

"Whenever I see him that's all he talks about…Justin this and Justin that. It's kinda fun watching Kevin turn different shades of red."

They both laughed.

"Is he jealous of me or something?" Justin asked, still smiling.

"I think it's more about protecting Caleb. He got out of a relationship about a year ago and it didn't end well. Caleb was hurting. And Kevin doesn't do well when somebody he cares about is in pain and he can't do shit to help them."

"Oh," Justin frowned.

"Don't worry. It's nothing personal."

"Thanks, Nick."

"Nick? Wow, a nickname already. I like that," Nicholas smiled.

"Sorry," Justin blushed.

"Oh, I'm just teasing you, Justin. And you make it way too easy." The man's smile was so warm and friendly.

Justin smiled as well. He looked down at his watch and frowned. "I should go. I wanted to stop by Caleb's before I go home."

"Yeah, I gotta get out of this tie," Nicholas tugged on his tie loosening it up a bit.

"What do you do?" Justin asked as they paid the bill and made their way out of the coffee shop.

"Computers. Do some programming for a publishing company."

"That sounds like fun."

"It's not bad. Although, the more I spend time with computers the more convinced I am that technology is evil."

~~

Justin said good-bye to Nick and headed over to Caleb's.

He knocked on the door.

"It's open," Caleb called out.

Justin turned the doorknob and walked in. At first he didn't see Caleb.

"It's me," Justin said.

Two heads suddenly popped up in the living room.

Caleb stood up, smiling, and walked over to him, "Hey, this is a surprise." He gave Justin a peck on the lips.

"I was in the neighborhood," Justin explained.

"I bet you were," Kevin said.

Justin and Caleb walked over to where the other man was. He was sitting on the floor, photographs scattered all around him.

"Kevin's helping me decide which ones to display at GLC," Caleb said.

"GLC?" Justin asked puzzled.

"The Gay and Lesbian Center," Kevin explained, getting up as well.

"Yeah, they're having an exhibit for artists and photographers. It's an annual fundraiser thing. It's actually pretty cool," Caleb said, sitting down on the couch.

"Well, you two stay and chat and I'm going to go before my butt falls completely asleep," Kevin said.

"He's been whining for the past two hours," Caleb said as Kevin made his way towards the door.

When they heard the door close behind him, Caleb pulled Justin down to him and kissed him. When they pulled apart Justin looked at the mess on the floor. "So, have you decided which ones you're gonna display?"

"For the most part. There are a couple that I'm undecided about," Caleb replied. "Hey, why don't you show a few of your drawings there as well?"

"You mean people seeing my stuff?" Justin asked, considering the possibility. Caleb nodded. "That'd be intense…but…yeah," he smiled.

Caleb grinned as well, pulling Justin closer to him.

~~

Justin was watching Daphne walk toward the exit. She wanted to come to the GLC to help him with putting up his drawings. That was until a woman helping them asked her to go with her get a soda.

"Where's Daphne going?" Caleb asked, snaking his arms around Justin's waist.

Justin turned to him, "To be one of the cool people apparently."

"Huh?" Caleb looked puzzled.

Justin smiled, "Yeah, exactly."

Caleb looked up at the wall that now displayed Justin's drawings. There were three drawings of men and one of a woman with a child.

"Who are these people?" he asked, coming closer to look at them. He's only seen a few of Justin's drawings up until now.

Justin shrugged, standing next to him, "Well, that's my mom with my little sister," Justin pointed to the one with the woman.

"What about these guys?"

"Just my imagination working over time, I guess," Justin said staring at one of his favorite drawings of a sleeping man.

~~

"I told you I'm not going," Brian said pouring milk into a bowl in front of Lindsay.

"Oh, come on, Brian. It's for a charity. For a good cause."

"I never go to these things. Why should I start now?"

"Because it's time you did. It's time you became part of the community," she said wiping away the milk that Brian spilt.

"Just because I fuck guys doesn't mean that I'm part of some community and it doesn't mean I have anything in common with someone else who does."

"You know it's more than that. We need to take care of each other," she said.

"I don't need to take care of anyone and I don't need anyone to take care of me."

"One day you might."

"Fuck groups," Brian said drinking coffee right out of the pot.

"I thought you did," Lindsay shot back at him.

~~

He had no idea what he was doing here but somehow, someway Lindsay was able to talk him into it. She was able to talk him into doing anything, even having a kid. None of the defenses and walls seemed to work against that. After he said `hi' to her he dashed straight for the bar, getting himself a drink. He was going to stay just long enough to make her happy.

There was also another reason he was here. A reason he didn't want to acknowledge as he walked around looking at different paintings and photographs. For some odd, bizarre reason he was drawn to this place tonight.

He just passed a wall with some photographs that he didn't care very much for and was scanning the wall with drawings when he stopped cold. There was one drawing in particular that caught his attention. It was a drawing of a sleeping naked man. The face was blurry, features hard to make out, but the profile seemed to resemble his own. There was something so recognizable about this drawing. He even thought one of his tricks might have drawn him. He looked at the name of the artist. Justin Taylor. The information about the artist said he was seventeen. He couldn't remember fucking anybody that young. Besides no trick ever stayed long enough in his bed, in his loft, in his life to draw him. It was obviously somebody else, Brian reasoned.

~~

Justin was walking around looking at other people's works. He was a nervous wreck. His stomach was in knots. He'd never before displayed his work for people to see. They did have to show their art in school in art classes and art club, but that was different. Those were people he knew, went to school with for years. This was different. He looked over at the wall displaying his stuff. He saw a tall man with light brown hair dressed in black looking at his drawings. Something felt familiar about the man. He couldn't see his face, but he was drawn to him. He was about to walk over there when he felt two arms encircling his body.

"Nervous?"

Justin took a deep breath in and nodded, then turned around to face his lover.

"Don't be. Your stuff is amazing," Caleb said, smiling reassuringly.

"You've seen, what, five drawings?" Justin said, being modest. He knew he was good, but when somebody else was looking at his drawings he always worried if he was good enough.

"I've seen enough to know just how incredibly talented you are," Caleb said, then kissed the other man.

"Justin?" a voice said behind him.

Justin froze, feeling like his heart just stopped. He turned around to see his mother's face looking at him. He was speechless. Not only his mother was here, but she also just witnessed him kissing his boyfriend. He opened his mouth a few times, but no words came out of it.

Jennifer eyed the man standing next to her son, his one arm was still placed on Justin's hip. "Well, aren't you going to introduce us?" she said.

Justin took a deep breath in. "Uhm…this is…this is Caleb." Jennifer nodded at the other man who was still staring at her wide-eyed, having recognized her from the Woody's. "Caleb…this is my mom," he finally blurted out.

Finally getting over the initial shock Caleb remembered his manners and extended his hand to say hello. Jennifer shook his hand. After that there was a very uncomfortable silence.

"Well, where is your stuff, honey? I'd like to see it," Jennifer finally said.

Justin looked over at his wall but the man that he saw there earlier was gone. Justin briefly scanned the crowd for him, but couldn't see him anywhere. He sighed and pointed to where his drawings were hanging, leading his mother to see his work.

~~

"Hey," Justin yelled out over the noise of the music as he and Daphne made their way to Caleb and his friends.

Caleb smiled at him, "You didn't tell me you were going to be here."

"We're celebrating," Daphne explained, "Justin sold some of his art today."

"You did?!" Caleb grinned, "Didn't I tell you it was great?" He kissed his boyfriend.

"Yeah, you did," Justin replied as they pulled apart. "Now, come on, let's dance." He pulled Caleb and Daphne onto the dance floor, with Nicholas and Kevin in tow behind them.

~~

Brian stared at the drawing he purchased, unable to look away. Something about it just seemed to draw him in.

***

Justin found Caleb, Nick, and Kevin sitting in a coffee shop. He gave his boyfriend a quick kiss and then took a seat next to him.

"Guess what I got," he smiled.

"What?" Caleb asked.

"Justin looked around to make sure nobody was looking, then slowly pulled his shirt up to reveal a ring in his newly pierced nipple.

Caleb stared at it, a smile spreading across his face.

"Christ, what is it with queers these days? They think that if they make a hole in their body somehow it will get them laid," Kevin ranted.

Both Nicholas and Caleb rolled their eyes at him. Caleb leaned in closer to Justin, "Does it still hurt?"

"Not really."

"So…uhm…can you do…stuff?" he whispered seductively.

Justin grinned at him. Ignoring a loud groan from Kevin and a huge smile on Nick's face the couple left the shop and headed to Caleb's place.

"You were saying," Nick turned to Kevin after the two left.

~~

Brian was in his bed, alone. His mind was on Michael and the fucking doctor. For the first time in fourteen years he wasn't the center of Michael's attention and it bothered him. He didn't want to think about why it did. And he didn't want to think about the fucking doc either.

He turned his mind to the blonde twink that has been stalking his thoughts for months now. The guy was beautiful. His blonde hair, blue eyes, perfectly shaped bubble butt. A wet dream. That's exactly what he was.

Brian closed his eyes as he moved his hand down his body to his already hard cock. Slowly he started to stroke it.

He imagined the blonde here, on this bed. His skin taking on otherworldly appearance under the blue lights. He could feel his own cock inside the other man. He was thrusting into him. Their bodies moving together as one. He could almost taste the sweat of the blonde on his tongue as he kissed down his shoulders and back; could see the blonde twisting the sheets in his hand as he panted. Then their fingers intertwined as they both came together.

Brian found release as the blonde shouted out his name as he climaxed.

~~

"Where is Justin?" Craig asked Jennifer as he walked into the kitchen.

"What?" she looked up at him.

"I asked where Justin is. It's after ten and he's still not home. What is he doing out so late?"

"He's seventeen, Craig. What do you think he's doing out so late? He's with his friends." It wasn't a complete lie, she thought.

"What friends? Daphne?"

"Sure."

"Well, he should be home." Before Jennifer could say anything he picked up the phone and started dialing.

"Craig, who are you calling?" But he ignored her.

He heard the phone ring a couple of times and then a stranger answered it.

"Who is this?" Craig asked angrily.

"This is Caleb. Who's this?"

"Who the hell are you and why are you answering my son's phone?"

Instead of hearing an answer Craig heard, "Baby, who is it?" It was Justin's voice.

Craig didn't hear anything else. The line went dead.

~~

Justin stood there frozen. After Caleb told him that his father was on the phone his first reflex was to grab the phone and turn it off.

"I'm sorry," Caleb said putting a hand on his shoulder.

Justin looked at him, "It's not your fault. I told you to answer it."

"Come here," Caleb wrapped his arms around his lover, hugging him closer.

~~

When Justin got home that night he found his parents sitting in the kitchen waiting for him. He looked like he was about to face a firing squad.

"Who is Caleb?" Craig asked him.

Justin looked at his mother wondering if she said anything to his father. Then he turned to his dad. "A friend."

"Why is it that I've never heard of him before?"

"It's not like you know any of my friends, dad," Justin snapped at him.

"Who is Caleb?" Craig asked again, more forcefully. He wasn't sure he wanted to know, but he still asked.

Justin stared at his father. The look on Craig's face told him that he knew. "What do you want me to say, dad? Do you want me to tell you a little white lie so that you can pretend that everything's the way it was when I was ten? Do you want me to tell you that he's just a friend from school so that you can ignore the gossip and your suspicions? That you can pretend that your son isn't queer?!" He shouted the last words.

Craig stood up, "That's enough!"

But Justin was on a roll, "Well, sorry, dad. I can't do that. Because I am. I. Am. Gay. Is that what you wanted to hear?!" Justin shouted.

"Go to your room, NOW!"

Justin was about to say more, but he felt his mother's hand on his arm. "Justin, please, just go to your room." She was pleading with him. He sighed, but did as she asked.

"You knew, didn't you? You knew about this," Craig turned to his wife as soon as Justin was out the room.

She looked up at him, "Yes."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"Because I promised him I wouldn't."

"Oh, that's great, Jen. Just great," he began pacing again.

~~~~

"Oh, my God," Daphne said when she saw his broken lip and his chin covered in blood.

"It looks worse than it is," Justin said as she helped him with his books.

"I heard what happened," she looked at him with concern.

"It's no big deal, Daph."

"No big deal? You got into a fight. YOU in a fight."

They walked through the parking lot and got into her car.

"So. I know how to defend myself."

She gave him a look that said, `yeah, right'.

"I've had all that practice with you," he smiled.

"This wasn't one of our pretend fights. You got into a fight with Chris Hobbs. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?" She asked while pulling out of the parking spot.

~~

Justin was lying on the bed when Caleb came back with two bottles of beer.

"How did your dad found out about the fight?" Caleb asked. Justin told him what happened at the house earlier today, conveniently leaving out the part about his father slapping him.

"Apparently my principle called." Justin put the beer down and looked at the man lying next to him, "Do you think I was flaunting myself?"

"No. You had every right to do what you did," Caleb replied without a second thought.

"Yeah, well, my dad doesn't think so."

"Your dad doesn't know shit."

"He wants to send me to military school," Justin said.

"Are you serious?" Caleb asked with a concerned look on his face.

Justin smiled at him, "Don't worry. There's no chance in hell I'm going." Caleb sighed and flopped back down on his pillow. "Although," Justin continued, "I think it would be kinda hot." He chuckled. "All those guys in uniforms."

"That's why you like going to St. James. I get it now," Caleb joked as they both laughed.

~~

Justin and Caleb stood outside Caleb's building waiting for Kevin and Nicholas who went to get the car. Taking advantage of a moment alone they started making out.

"Get your hands off of him, you pervert," they suddenly heard as someone pushed Caleb so hard that the young man fell down.

Justin's eyes grew wide when he realized who the attacker was. "DAD! What are you doing?"

Craig launched himself at Caleb who was still on the ground.

"STOP IT! Dad, stop it!" Justin yelled, putting himself between his father and his lover.

But instead of backing off Craig pushed him again. Justin pushed him back, trying to get him away from Caleb. The next thing he knew he was on the ground as well trying to wipe away the blood flowing from his nose.

Realization of what he just did dawned on Craig who finally took a step back, staring down at his son.

"You're going home with me, NOW!" Craig hissed.

Justin took a deep breath in, then looked at Caleb, who was now by his side. "No."

Caleb helped him get up.

"That's it, Justin. That is it. You come home with me or you're never coming home again."

Justin tried hard to keep the tears that threatened to come pouring out from both physical and emotional pain. "Never again."

Craig stared at him stunned.

"Did you hear me? I said, NEVER AGAIN!" he shouted, his emotions betraying him. "Go, get the fuck out of here!"

Caleb put his hand on Justin's arm, but he shrugged it off. As Craig turned to leave, he yelled after him, "I'm never coming home again. Fucking never!"

Caleb put his arms around Justin's body. He could feel the other man trembling. Justin just watched as his father disappeared from his view. He finally turned around to see Kevin and Nicholas standing behind them.

~~

Justin closed the bathroom door behind him and stared at himself in the mirror. He turned on the faucet and washed away the traces of blood on his face. In a matter of minutes his life went from great to completely unbearable. After his father left, the four of them went back to Caleb's apartment.

He turned off the water and used the towel to dry himself off. He could hear the other three men talking in hushed voices in the living room. He didn't really want to know what they were saying, but the walls were so thin, he could hear everything.

"You just have to let him go, Caleb," Kevin said.

"What do you mean, let him go? His father threw him out." Caleb couldn't believe what his best friend was saying.

"That's not your problem."

"The hell it's not. He's my lover."

"Your lover?! You barely know him," Kevin said angrily.

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

"Boys, boys, stop it," Nicholas said. "There's no need to get hasty here."

"You know what? Do whatever the fuck you want, but don't run to me the next time some guy takes your heart and stomps all over it. Got it?!" Kevin shouted.

"Fuck you!" Caleb yelled back at him.

Justin heard the door slam, then Nicholas saying good-bye to Caleb and leaving. Justin looked up at himself in the mirror again. Sighed. Then decided to finally get out and face the problem.

Caleb was sitting on the couch, staring at a spot on the wall. Justin could tell he was fuming.

"I'm gonna go," Justin said.

"Where?" Caleb turned to him.

"I don't know. Daphne's for tonight. Then we'll see."

"You can stay here. I'm sure my bed is a lot more comfortable then a sleeping bag on a floor," Caleb stood up and walked over to him.

"Look, Cale, I don't want to cause any problems here," Justin said, taking a step back from him.

"You're not."

"You just had a fight with Kevin because of me."

"It wasn't because of you. It was because Kevin's an asshole."

"Cale…"

"Don't listen to what he says," Caleb pleaded with him.

Justin ran his hand down Caleb's face, then leaned in and kissed him softly, "I should go."

But Caleb grabbed his arm, "Don't."

Justin searched his face for a sign, an answer to what he should do. He didn't find any. He just knew that Caleb wanted him here tonight. He let his lover lead him into the bedroom.

~~

It was almost five o'clock. Classes have been over for hours and Justin still had no idea what to do. He couldn't stay with Caleb and going home would mean swallowing his pride and begging his father to forgive him. He wasn't sure he'd be able to do that, to live under the same roof as his dad with his homophobia and his beliefs, but he didn't have any other options. He took the last puff out of his cigarette, then threw it away. Picking up his books, he headed home.

When he got there, he and his parents sat down in the living room and his father informed him of the new `rules' of the house. Justin felt like he's been cut open and anything that made him the man he was had been cut out, leaving him hollow and empty. He compromised his ideals and beliefs. He felt suffocated, like a tiger in a cage.

***

Justin sighed as he opened the door to his house. He had the day from hell with Chris Hobbs and his friends picking on him on top of having two tests. He walked in through the doorway, closed the door behind him, and headed to the kitchen.

That was his everyday routine for the past two weeks. Get home after school, grab something to eat, give his mother one-word answers, and lock himself in his room for the rest of the day doing his homework or drawing. His art was his only escape now.

After giving his patented `fine' to his mother when she asked him a bunch of questions about school, Justin walked up the stairs and into his room. He dropped the backpack on the floor and then flopped down on his bed. All he wanted right now was to get away from this place as far as he possibly could. This house…the one that he grew up in…his home…was like a prison to him. The walls were closing in and he felt like he couldn't breathe.

Justin was startled when his cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his jacket. It was Caleb. Again. Justin had been blowing him off since the day he came back home. He talked to him a couple of times, telling him that he was busy with school. He didn't know what else to tell to the other man. Pressing the off button, Justin threw the phone on the desk and then pulled out his Calculus book.

Almost four hours later he finally closed his history book and threw it back into his backpack. He was done with his homework for tonight. It was a little after eight and all he wanted was to get out of here. He hated this place now: this room, this bed, everything here.

~~

He stood by the bar at Babylon, drinking his second beer and watching the crowd on the dance floor. Somehow he actually managed to get out of the maximum security prison he called home. His father wasn't home yet and when he told his mother that he was going over to Daphne's, she just gave him a look that said, `I know.'

The only thing he wanted right now was to forget about school and his homophobic classmates, his parents and the fucking rules. Everything. He wanted to forget everything. He just wanted to unwind and for just a little while feel something other than this hopelessness and anger. That's what he felt. Anger. All the time. He was angry at his teachers. He was angry at his classmates. He was angry at his parents. But most of all…he was angry at himself. And that made him even angrier.

He noticed the guy that had been cruising him all night walk toward him. This was just what the doctor ordered, he thought, making himself smile for the stranger. Only a few minutes later they were in full make out mode. Finally, pulling away, Justin grabbed the trick's hand and pulled him toward the backroom. He stopped cold when he saw Caleb standing in the entrance, staring at him. He looked like somebody just punched him. Kevin looked like he was ready to kick the shit out of Justin. And Nicholas just had this disappointed look on his face. Justin felt like he couldn't deal with them right now. He couldn't deal with anything right now. `Fuck `em,' he thought as he pulled the other guy after him into the backroom.

~~

When he finally came left the backroom, Justin headed straight for the bar. He needed another drink badly. While fucking the trick felt good at the time, as soon as he was done he felt even shittier.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Justin turned to the right. Nicholas was standing next to him.

"Drinking beer. What the fuck does it look like?" He wasn't in a mood for a lecture.

"Fucking everything that moves won't make your problems go away."

Justin scoffed, "You think just `cause you're a few years older than me you know everything? You don't know shit about my problems."

Nicholas sighed, "Look, Caleb really cares about you."

Justin looked away, not saying anything.

"Caleb's a great guy. You'd be stupid not to give it a try."

Justin was tired of everybody telling him what to do. He looked back up at Nick with anger in his eyes. "The only reason you want me with Caleb is because I keep him busy and away from Kevin."

Nick took a step back, "You really are in a destructive mode, huh? Believe me, Justin. You don't wanna burn this bridge." With that he left.

~~

Justin walked out of school and down the stairs. He was almost at the bottom when he saw Caleb across the street, leaning on his car. Justin stopped for a moment, trying to decide what to do. He had no choice. He knew he couldn't avoid this conversation forever. He took a deep breath and crossed the street.

They stood next to each other, silent for a moment. Justin felt like he should say something, but everything that he could come up with sounded completely stupid.

"I'm sorry…about last night," he finally said, making himself look up at Caleb.

"Justin, what's going on? I mean, you avoid me for two weeks. You don't return my calls. Then…that guy. What's going on?"

Justin looked down, finding his shoes incredibly fascinating at that moment. He sighed. "I don't…" he looked up at him. "I can't do this right now."

"Do what?"

"This…us…I can't. I have too many things going on in my life. And I have to focus on school and my art. All I care about is graduating and getting the hell out of here." He sounded harsh, harsher than he meant to. But he had to make the other man walk away from him. He hated the look on Caleb's face. He did not want to hurt him. He never wanted to hurt him. But he didn't know what else to do.

Justin started to leave, but Caleb grabbed his arm. "Justin, what did your father do to you?"

Justin looked at him, wanting more than anything to tell him and then to find comfort in his arms. But he knew he couldn't. "I have to go," was all that he said, pulling his arm away from Caleb's. Then turned around and walked away.

~~

Brian found it amusing that Michael was actually listening to a fortune teller.

"That wasn't the question. And frankly, he's a bad bet," he heard Mysterious Marilyn say as he walked up to them. "Now, let's ask about your boyfriend."

Brian snickered as he watched his best friend focus on moving his hands around the ouija board that earned him a glare from Mysterious Marilyn. "You don't believe in this, do you?" she asked him, with a challenge in her voice.

Brian chewed on the straw from his drink as he tried not to laugh. "It's a croak of shit."

"Really? Had any visions lately?" she asked him.

Brian's smile quickly disappeared from his face.

Mysterious Marilyn smirked at him.

"Brian, what is she talking about?" Michael asked.

Brian tried to get control over his emotions. "Nothing," he said.

He turned around and was about to leave when Mysterious Marilyn grabbed his arm. "You changed something. Something big. Something important. That's why it's haunting you. HE's haunting you."

Brian stared at her, a part of him wanting to laugh at how incredibly absurd this whole thing sounded. But another part of him was taking in everything she said.

"You need to make it right again," Mysterious Marilyn said before letting go of his arm. Brian backed away from her like he had just seen a ghost, turned and walked away.

~~

Justin sighed with relief when he finally found Aspirin stocked away on the bottom shelf of the convenience store. He had a bitch of a headache all day. Thankful that at least one thing went his way today, he made his way towards the counter to pay.

As he was going through his wallet he heard someone call his name. Looking up, he saw Nicholas. He actually wished that the ground would open up at his feet and swallow him whole. He just couldn't face Nick now. Not after what he did. After what he said. But he had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.

"Hi," was all he said.

"Haven't seen you in a while," Nicholas said. "How are you?"

Justin stared at him speechless and stunned that he would actually talk to him. Nick was acting as if nothing happened.

"Uh…fine," Justin mumbled.

Then Nicholas flashed him a big smile, "Feel like getting a brownie?"

Justin smiled, realizing that Nick was not angry at him at all. In fact, he wanted to talk. "Sure."

They made their way down Liberty Avenue and into the coffee shop the four of them used to hang out in.

~~

"You should talk to Caleb," Nicholas said after Justin finished telling him what had been going on at school and home.

"After what I did? No way."

"Do you care about Caleb?" Nicholas asked.

Justin looked back at him, "Of course I do."

"He misses you."

Justin looked down at his plate. "I just…how…how can I…I mean…"

"Ask him to forgive you?"

"Yeah," Justin raised his gaze at him.

"Caleb's a very forgiving person."

"Nobody's THAT forgiving," Justin shook his head.

"You'd be surprised what you are able to forgive when you care about a person," Nicholas said, taking another sip out of his coffee.

~~

Mysterious Marilyn's words kept running through his mind. "You changed something." Changed what? How could he make it right again if he had no idea what he did wrong? He was sure it had something to do with the blonde in his visions. As more time passed, the more he saw him…everywhere. He not only saw visions of the blonde. He actually started to fantasize about him…them…together…having sex. At least that's what he thought those were…fantasies. But now he wasn't so sure. What he thought were just his own fantasies might have been more visions. But visions of what? What did they all mean?

~~

Justin climbed the stairs to Caleb's apartment. He had no idea what he was going to say, but he was sure groveling would be involved. He took a deep breath in and pressed the buzzer. A moment later the door opened. He and Caleb just stared at each other for what seemed like eternity. And then Caleb did something that Justin didn't expect. He hugged him.

***

"Mmm…that's good," Justin said as he licked the spoon. He and Caleb were feeding each other ice cream, oblivious to a completely disgusted look on Kevin's face. The four of them were sitting in the coffee shop.

"Told you their ice cream was good," Caleb smiled. "One last spoon," he offered it to his lover.

Justin leaned in and took the whole spoonful in his mouth. Then leaned in and kissed Caleb.

Kevin grimaced while his boyfriend grinned.

When Justin finally pulled away he flashed Nick a smile. "I'm sticky. I'm gonna go wash up." He placed another kiss on Caleb's lips, then stood up and walked towards the bathroom.

Caleb watched Justin disappear from his view, then turned to his two friends. "What?" he asked Kevin who was still frowning.

"What? How can you act as if nothing happened?" Kevin said.

Caleb's smile disappeared. "Because it had nothing to do with me."

"Is that the line he fed you?"

"Kevin," Nick tried to intervene.

But Kevin was on a roll, "Tell me, Caleb, what happens the next time he fucks around? Will you pretend that it had nothing to do with you either?"

"Shut up, Kev," Caleb said.

"Why? Because I'm right?"

"No. Because you don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

"Oh, no. I know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. I'm talking about your little twink playing you like a fucking violin."

Only then did Kevin notice that Caleb was staring at something or someone behind him. He followed Caleb's gaze only to see Justin standing only a few feet away. Justin walked around the table, grabbed his jacket and left the café without a word. Caleb started to get up, but Nicholas grabbed his arm. "Let me," he said, shot a glare to his boyfriend, and followed Justin outside.

Nick found Justin a half a block away, smoking.

"Don't let him get to you," Nicholas said.

Justin looked down. "I didn't mean to hurt him."

"I know."

"That's the last thing I want."

"I know."

"But I did. I hurt him. And it's always going to be there. Always."

Nicholas looked at him sympathetically. "You can't change the past."

"Yeah, but I have this feeling, this horrible feeling that I am going to do it again. Hurt him, I mean."

Nicholas sighed. "You are. It's a given. That's how relationships work."

"So, what do you do?"

"You forgive and move on."

"And if you can't?" Justin asked.

Nicholas shrugged his shoulders, "You still move on. Alone. And you find somebody else to hurt."

Justin scoffed, "That's a very cheery outlook on relationships."

"It's a realistic one," Nicholas replied.

"So, then why do it?"

"Because the good parts... the parts where it's just the two of you together…and all the walls are down…and you can see the other person as clearly as you can see yourself…and you feel like that's exactly where you're supposed to be…those are worth all that pain you put each other through again and again." Nicholas had a faint smile on his face.

~~

"This is the new campaign we're starting for Liberty Air," Brian said to Kip Thomas. "I want you on the team."

"Oh my God. That's…that's fantastic. Wow. How can I ever thank you?" Kip said.

"By doing a good job."

"You can count on it."

Brian turned around, his back now to Kip as the other man started to leave. Kip stopped and turned around. "I just want you to know that you can…you can count on me for anything. Day or night."

Brian straightened up and looked at him. "Well, you really are going for the gold watch."

"I mean it." Kip took a step closer. "Cause I think you're really…" He put his hand on Brian's dick, "Really amazing."

Brian was about to ask him what he thought he was doing when suddenly he got a flash of Kip kissing…the same blonde he'd had visions of for months. Brian was so stunned at the image in his head that he pushed Kip away and took a step back.

"Are…are you ok?" Kip asked him.

But Brian didn't hear him. He heard Ryder's voice in his head saying, "He's suing you and the company for sexual harassment." And then saw the blonde run his hand down Kip's face saying, "I would never do anything like that. Provided you do something for me."

"Mr. Kinney…Brian!"

Brian looked up at the man in front of him. It felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. "Get out."

"What?" Kip took a step closer, but Brian stepped back as well.

"I said, get out," he repeated and pointed at the door.

"I'm…I'm sorry," Kip said and then walked out of the office.

When the door closed behind him Brian flopped down in his chair with a huge sigh trying to figure out what the hell he just saw.

~~

"Do you know what time it is?" Justin heard as soon as he closed the door. He looked up to see his father sitting in the living room.

"Uhm…I…" he studdered.

"Where were you?" Craig asked, getting up.

"I…with Daphne," Justin lied.

"This late?"

"Mom said I could," Justin said as he saw his mother walk down the stairs.

"Where were you, Justin?" Craig asked again.

"I told you. With Daphne."

"Don't lie to me, Justin. WHERE were you?!"

"Lower your voice. You'll wake up Molly," Jennifer said.

"Did you know about this?!" Craig demanded of his wife.

Ignoring his question, Jennifer turned to her son, "Why don't you go upstairs, honey."

"NO! You answer my question first," Craig said.

"Justin, go upstairs." Jennifer said again.

"But…mom."

"Go upstairs NOW!"

Glancing at his father one last time, Justin ran up the stairs.

"What the hell are you trying to do, Jen?" Craig asked his wife.

"I'm trying to raise our son."

"By letting him flaunt himself? By letting him see that…that pervert?"

"By loving him. By accepting him."

"How can you just let him do whatever he wants?"

"I have to," Jennifer said.

"Why?!"

"Because HE'S MY SON!"

"He's my son too," Craig replied.

"Well, I hope you remember that the next time you tell him how disgusting he is." With that she turned around and went upstairs, not noticing the small crack in the door to Justin's room.

~~

"Hey," Caleb waved when he saw Justin and Daphne walk down the stairs. He was standing across the street from Justin's school.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" Justin asked as they neared him.

"Hey, Caleb," Daphne said.

"Hi, Daphne," he smiled at her.

"So what brings you here?" Justin asked again.

"What do you think brings me here? As I recall it's somebody's birthday today."

"I told you I didn't want any presents," Justin frowned.

"That's what he always says," Daphne chimed in. "I gotta go," she said turning to Justin.

"Thanks for the present," he called after her.

When he looked at Caleb again he still had a frown on his face.

"Don't worry. No presents," Caleb said. "I just wanted to take my boyfriend out for a birthday celebration lunch. What do you say?" Caleb did his best impression of a puppy face.

Justin's features softened and he smiled, "Sounds good to me. I'm starved."

They both hopped into Caleb's car.

~~

"I thought you were taking me out to lunch," Justin said when Caleb parked in front of his building.

"I am."

"Where are you taking me?"

"Do you always ask this many questions or only on your birthdays?" Caleb grinned at him.

They got out of the car and walked to Caleb's apartment. Caleb opened the door and walked in first, wanting to see Justin's reaction. He loved it. Justin's eyes widened as soon as he walked in, taking in the transformation Caleb's apartment had gone through. He had flowers and candles all over the place. There was a table set for two in the middle of the living room.

Justin just looked around, dumbfounded by this gesture. Nobody had ever bought him flowers before. Nobody had ever had a romantic…lunch set up for him.

"Happy Birthday," Caleb said softly as he pulled Justin closer to him and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

Justin smiled shyly as he pulled away. It felt like a dream. Caleb found Justin's reaction absolutely adorable.

"Are you gonna stand around all day? I thought you were starving," Caleb said, moving to the table.

"I…I am," Justin finally said. "Did you cook?" For a moment horrified at that thought.

Caleb looked at the expression on Justin's face. "Relax. I got us take out."

"Oh, cool," Justin sighed. When Caleb pretended to be offended, Justin added, "I'm sorry, baby. But you're such a horrible cook."

Caleb chuckled, "Hey, I make a mean Kraft Mac-and-cheese."

"Oh, sorry. I stand corrected," Justin laughed as well.

He walked over to where Caleb was pulling out boxes with take-out food.

"I can't believe you did all this for me," he said.

Caleb looked up at him, "You only turn eighteen once."

Justin nodded.

"Are you really not having a party?"

"I hate parties. Besides, we are having a family dinner tonight."

"That sounds like fun," Caleb said sarcastically. "Well, we still have to celebrate."

"I thought that's what we were doing now," Justin whispered in his ear.

"I mean go out and celebrate with a bang," Caleb smiled at his lover. "How about this Saturday night? You, me, Nicky, and Kevin."

Justin pulled away slightly, "Oh, yeah, I'm sure Kevin would like to celebrate my birthday. He probably wishes I was never born."

"That's not true, Justin. He can just be a little protective, that's all. He doesn't mean anything by it."

Justin sighed, "Well, maybe he's right."

"No, he's not. He doesn't know you. Doesn't know us," Caleb said, moving closer to Justin again. "He doesn't see you right now." He kissed Justin softly.

"Caleb, I…" he really wanted to say the words, but couldn't get them out. "I love this."

Caleb smiled, "Happy Birthday."

"Thank you," Justin said before kissing his boyfriend again.

***

Cale, it's me," Justin called out as he closed the door behind him.

"I'm in the bedroom," he heard Caleb's reply.

Justin smiled, dropped his backpack on the floor and walked over to Caleb's bedroom.

"Hey," he said when he saw his boyfriend putting clean clothes away. "And here I thought you were waiting for me in bed."

Caleb put the shirts down and placed a soft kiss on Justin's lips. "Give me five minutes and that can be arranged."

Justin smiled and flopped down on the bed.

"How was your day?" Caleb asked.

Justin's reply was a loud sigh.

"That bad, huh?"

"Just Chris Hobbs being an asshole. No big deal."

"No big deal?" Caleb stopped what he was doing. "Justin, you practically outed him in the middle of Liberty Avenue. You should be careful around him."

"You overreacted then. And you're overreacting now," Justin said. Deciding to change the subject he pulled out an envelope out of his pocket. "I got this today in the mail."

"What is it?"

"A letter from the Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts."

"Oh," Caleb walked over to him and sat next to him on the bed. "Did you get in?"

Justin sighed and looked up at him. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I just…couldn't open it."

"You've been carrying it around with you all day?"

Justin nodded.

"Justin, you do know that even if you don't get in, it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you can practically get into any school you want with your SAT scores," Caleb said, trying to make his boyfriend feel better.

"I know. I just…" He looked down at the envelope in his hands. "Would you…would you mind?" he handed the envelope to Caleb.

Caleb took the envelope from him and carefully ripped it open and took out the letter. A few seconds later Justin saw a huge grin spread across Caleb's face as he looked up at him.

"Yes?" Justin asked in disbelief.

Caleb nodded, "Yes."

"YES!" Justin jumped into Caleb's arms, both of them laughing.

~~

Justin was about to push the door to his house open when somebody else pulled it open from the inside. He came face to face with a red-haired woman.

"Oh, hello," she said cheerfully to surprised Justin.

"Uhm…hi," Justin said trying to figure out what this stranger was doing in his house.

"Oh, Justin, this is Sue." Justin turned around to see his mother coming out of the kitchen. "Sue, this is my son Justin."

Justin shook her hand.

"Well, I should get going," Sue said. "Jennifer, I'll call you."

"Yes, thank you," Jennifer replied.

Justin waited for the other woman to close the door behind her before turning to his mother. "Who is she?"

"She's a realtor," Jennifer said, turning around and going back into the kitchen.

"What's she doing here?" He followed her.

"Uhm…" Jennifer turned around, "I've asked her to list the house."

"You're selling the house?" he was dumfounded.

Jennifer sighed. This wasn't the plan. She didn't want to tell her son this way. "Justin…your dad and I…your dad and I feel that we no longer…" She struggled to fight the tears back, "we no long…" She covered her face with her hands.

Justin took a step closer. "What?...What?" He was sure that whatever his mother was about to tell him was going to change his whole life.

"Oh…we're getting a divorce." She turned around and left the kitchen, leaving her astounded son to process the information.

~~

Justin spotted Caleb at their usual table in the corner of the bar.

"Hey," he said, putting on a fake smile.

"I thought you said you were gonna stay in. That your dad was on your case," Caleb said.

"Fuck him," Justin said, taking a sip out of Caleb's beer.

"You got that right," Nicholas said, patting him encouragingly on the arm.

"So, what did your mom say?" Caleb asked.

"About what?" Nicholas asked curiously.

"Justin got into Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts," Caleb said proudly.

"Oh, wow," Nicholas exclaimed, jumping up, and in the process almost spilling Kevin's drink all over him, and gave Justin a big hug.

"So, what did she say?" Caleb asked again when Nick settled back down.

"I need a drink," Justin said, starting to get up, but Caleb grabbed his arm, a look of concern on his face.

"Justin, what did she say?"

Justin sighed. "She didn't say anything. Because I haven't told her."

There was a joined "What?" from Caleb and Nicholas.

"Why not?" Caleb asked.

"Because she has enough shit to worry about," Justin said, finally getting up and walking toward the bar.

"What the fuck was that about?" Nicholas asked Caleb. His answer was to get up and follow Justin.

He took a seat next to Justin at the bar while waiting for his drink. "Justin, what's going on?"

Justin bit his lower lip and looked down at his hands. "My parents are getting a divorce."

"Oh." That was all that Caleb was able to come up with. He had no idea what to say. Justin's whole world was falling apart. Even though his father was an asshole, he was still his father, he still had his parents together, his family together. Being raised by a single mother, Caleb always wanted what Justin had. Not anymore.

~~

"You ok?" Caleb asked the man lying next to him in bed. Justin had been distant and quiet for the last few days.

"Hmm? Yeah," Justin replied.

"Justin, talk to me," Caleb pleaded. He wanted to help, but didn't know what to do.

Justin finally looked up at him, "I'm fine."

"Look, I know it's tough…"

"I'm going to Dartmouth," Justin cut him off.

"What?!"

"I decided to go to Dartmouth."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Caleb demanded.

"It's no big deal, Cale," Justin sat up and started pulling on his pants.

"No big deal? Ever since you applied that's all you ever talked about. Going to PIFA. You got admitted and now you tell me it's not big deal?!"

"I gotta go," Justin got up and pulled his shirt on. "I'll talk to you later," he said giving Caleb a quick kiss on the lips.

"Justin!" Caleb called after him, but Justin was already out the door.

~~

A couple of days later things had only gotten worse. Justin was becoming more distant from everybody, including Caleb and Daphne. He refused to talk about anything concerning college at all. His father moved out the day before. And today his mother informed him that they would be moving out in less than a month as well. He felt like the world was crumbling around him.

The only good idea on how to fix this mess was the decision to go to Woody's and get drunk. So, he sat at the bar, nursing his fourth drink.

"Shouldn't you be keeping the bed warm for Caleb?"

Justin turned to see Kevin standing next to him.

"I don't see Nick anywhere," he shot back.

"Does he know you're here getting hammered?"

"Does Nick know you're here annoying the crap out of everybody?"

Instead of leaving, Kevin sat down on a stool next to Justin's. "You know, it's not worth it."

"What's not worth it?" Justin finished his drink and flagged the bartended for another one.

"Your parents. They're not worth it. They're not worth throwing the rest of your life away."

"What the fuck do you know?!" Justin snapped at him.

"Trust me, I know. Because that's what I did." Justin looked at him, surprised not only at the fact that Kevin did something to please his parents but at the fact that Kevin was actually talking to him. "I went through four years of college hating my life and everything around me. Because that's what my parents wanted."

Justin looked down at the drink in his hand, "And now?"

Kevin sighed, "Now…now I'm going to school for me. I want to be a teacher. And no matter what my fucking parents say and despite the four years that I lost, I AM going to be a teacher." He squeezed Justin's shoulder, then got up and left.

Justin took his wallet out and was getting the money out when he felt somebody standing next to him. He looked up, thinking that Kevin forgot some other piece of valuable advice…or one of his sarcastic comments. Instead he saw a blonde guy, about twenty-five years old, smiling at him.

"You seem lonely," the guy said.

Justin looked him over. The guy was hot. "Yeah, and you're looking to make me feel better?"

The guy grinned, "That's the plan."

He pulled Justin after him into the bathroom.

~~

Caleb rang the doorbell, not really sure what he was going to say. The only thing he knew was that he had to do something to help Justin. He couldn't let Justin give up on his dream.

The door opened and he saw a little girl standing in the doorway. He had only seen pictures of Molly never having actually met her and Justin's drawings, but he recognized her right away.

"Hi," he said, smiling at her.

"Who're you?"

"I'm a friend of your brother's."

"Justin's not home."

Caleb was about to say something when he heard another voice from inside the house, "Molly, who is it?"

"It's Justin's friend," Molly yelled back and then went back inside, leaving the door open.

Caleb wasn't sure whether he should go in or not, so he just stayed in the same spot. A few moments later Justin's mother showed up in the doorway.

"Hello, Mrs. Taylor," he said, suddenly wondering what the hell he was thinking coming here.

"Hello. You're Caleb, right?" she said, recognizing the young man right away.

Caleb wasn't sure if it was a good thing she remembered him or not. "Yes."

"Well, Justin's not home right now."

"I know. I'm actually…I wanted to speak with you."

"To me?" she looked surprised.

"Yes. About Justin."

"Oh. Well…uhm…come in," she opened the door wider for him. He walked in and followed her into the living room. "Please, sit down," she said politely, pointing to the couch.

"No, thanks. I'm fine. This won't take long."

"Ok, well, what is it? Is something wrong with Justin?" she said, showing a sign of concern on her face.

Caleb took a deep breath in, "Uhm…well…he…Justin got into the Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts."

A surprised look on her face confirmed the fact that Justin still hasn't told her. "He didn't…"

"I know. He said you had too much going on and he didn't want to bother you," Caleb explained.

"Bother me?...I…" She didn't know what to say.

Caleb ignored her, continuing on with the prepared speech, "He didn't tell you, but he has been nervous wreck ever since he applied. Just waiting for that letter to arrive. This was what he wanted. More than anything. The day he got the acceptance letter he was so nervous he couldn't even open it." Caleb had a faint smile on his face, remembering that afternoon.

"I don't understand. What is the problem?"

"The problem is that he's convinced that your divorce is his fault."

"What?!" she exclaimed.

"And he feels like if he gives up PIFA and goes to Dartmouth it would make things better. He said that it's the least he can do after all the pain he's caused you."

Jennifer was dumbfounded by this information. "Well, his father does expect him to go to Dartmouth, but..."

Caleb sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. He felt like he wasn't saying the right thing. "I know. BUT…that's not what he wants. Not really. Not at all. He WANTS to go to PIFA. He's an artist. First and foremost, he's an artist. It's been his dream. Always. He CAN'T just give it up."

Jennifer stared at this young man who was standing in HER living room telling her about HER son. `How dare he?' she wanted to say. But she didn't. Couldn't. Because everything he said was true. And more than anything, more than the fact that her son was gay, that her marriage was a failure, more than anything else…the fact that this young man knew her son better than she did HURT like hell.

~~

Jennifer knocked on the door to Justin's bedroom. She was surprised that the door wasn't locked. But then she realized, he only locked it when his father was home. Now that he's moved out it wasn't a problem anymore. And she felt hope. Hope that maybe now her son would open up to her.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

Justin was at the desk, printing something from the computer. "Is there something you need?"

"Oh, no. Well. I just wanted to talk," she said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "What's that?" she pointed to the piece of paper Justin just got out of the printer.

"Uhm…a letter to school. To let them know that I'll be attending in the fall."

"To PIFA?" she asked.

Justin's eyes snapped up at her. "How did…"

"Caleb," she explained. "He came to see me." She hated the look of panic on Justin's face. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I…uh…" he looked down at the piece of paper in his hands. "There was just too much going on."

"Justin, I'm your mother. No matter what's going on, I always have time for you."

"I know. I know that. It's just that…with the divorce and everything…"

"Justin, it's NOT your fault. You understand? What happened with your dad and I had NOTHING to do with you." She wanted to make it clear. And even though she knew that Craig would be furious that Justin wasn't going to Dartmouth she had to do what was right and make her son's dream come true.

"Yes, it did, mom. It had everything to do with me. If I hadn't come out…all the fights you had…they were about me. I know. I heard you fighting and arguing. It was ALWAYS about me."

Jennifer stared at her son. How could she not have known this before? "Justin, honey, it wasn't about you. I just realized that your father wasn't the man I married. That I had no idea who that man was. Because I know that I didn't marry a homophobic asshole."

A shock of hearing his mother use such a word sent Justin into a fit of laughter as well as his mother. It felt good to be able to laugh together. It felt even better to see her son laughing again. That's when she knew she made the right decision.

"Justin, what is it that YOU want?" she asked him after they both calmed down.

He looked down at the piece of paper in his hands again.

"Justin?"

"I want…" He looked back up at her, "I want to go to PIFA."

Jennifer nodded, "Then I think you should probably toss this." She pointed to the letter Justin had just printed out.

Justin smiled at her, crumbled the paper in his hand, and threw it in the garbage.

***

Justin cursed under his breath when he saw Caleb waiting for him outside the school. Instead of getting better, his life was only getting worse. On top of having to pack and move to his mother's new townhouse he had to deal with getting ready for finals and graduation. He also had his fallout with Daphne after he made a stupid mistake of sleeping with her, Chris Hobbs and his friends picking on him, AND the guilt of having cheated on Caleb yet again to worry about.

"Hey," Justin plastered on a fake smile.

"Hey, stranger," Caleb said, smiling back at him. "Feels like I haven't seen you in ages."

"I know. Sorry. But with the move and everything…" Justin still couldn't make himself meet Caleb's eyes. A part of him wanted to come clean and tell Caleb what he did. But another part of him was sure that if he did, he'd lose Caleb for sure. He almost had as it was…when he decided to give Daphne what she asked for. Caleb wasn't too fond of his decision to sleep with his best friend.

"I understand," Caleb sounded disappointed. "Are you all moved in?"

"Almost. Just have a few boxes left to unpack." Justin lit a cigarette.

Caleb knew that it wasn't just the move that was bothering Justin. He had been distant for weeks. "Well, how about you come out with us tonight?"

"I don't know, Cale, I have a lot of…"

"Please," Caleb pleaded.

"I've got homework."

"It's Friday."

"And unpacking," Justin added.

Caleb took a step closer to him. He cupped Justin's face and lifted it up, trying to get Justin to look at him. Justin tried to look away, but Caleb insisted. "Justin, is something wrong? With us, I mean."

Justin finally looked him in the eyes, "No." He wondered if his nose was growing. He wanted to scream, "I'm a lying cheating sack of shit." Instead he just took a step back. "Everything's fine."

Caleb wasn't convinced, but he let it go. He hated feeling so completely insecure all the time, but he found that he had fallen for the blonde twink. "Well, how about tomorrow night? It's the big night at Babylon."

"Big night?"

"Yeah. It's the King of Babylon contest. Lots of hot guys taking their clothes off."

"Are you serious? God, who would do something like that?" Justin was grateful for the change in subject.

Caleb shrugged, "Lots of people. I think they get like a grand for winning."

"Oh."

"So, what do you say?"

Justin sighed. The only thing he wanted to do right now was to get home, lock his door and hide under the covers for the rest of his life. But that wasn't an option anymore. "I'll try."

Caleb gave in, realizing that it was better than nothing. "You want a ride home?"

The thought of being alone with Caleb in the car did not appeal to Justin who felt the guilt come back with a vengeance. "No, it's fine. I have to stop by the store first."

Justin hated to see the look of disappointment on Caleb's face once again. He watched his boyfriend get in the car and drive away before turning around and walking toward the bus stop.

~~

Hoping to redeem himself…at least in his own eyes…Justin showed up at Caleb's the next day with take-out. He congratulated himself on it being a good plan when he saw Caleb's face light up as soon as he opened the door.

They lit candles and then sprawled on the floor with the food.

"What time are the guys gonna be here?" Justin asked, stuffing his face full of chicken egg roll.

"Uhm…should be here soon," Caleb replied. "Pass the rice."

Justin did as asked and then started on the crab rangoon…his favorite.

"Do you have plans for this summer?" Caleb asked.

"Uhm…no, not really. I'll probably look for a job to…you know…save some money for when school starts."

"Oh." There was that disappointed look again.

"Why?"

"Oh, nothing. I just thought…well…there's this really cool camping place just outside of town. We could…you know…go there some time," Caleb said, hopeful.

"Uhm…I'm not much of a camping person," Justin hoped Caleb wouldn't force the issue.

"Oh…well…we could just rent a cabin or something," Caleb said, grasping at straws. The last few weeks he had felt like he was losing Justin, like he was slowly slipping away from him.

Justin could tell how hard Caleb was trying to make this work. He smiled slightly, "Sure." He knew he said the right thing when a grin spread across Caleb's face. Feeling a little less guilty now, Justin once again concentrated on his food.

When he looked up the next time he noticed Caleb still staring at him, still with a huge smile on his face.

"What?" he asked shyly.

"Nothing," Caleb shook his head. "It's just nice. THIS is nice."

Justin smiled.

"Wish we could do this more often," Caleb said.

Justin looked down at his food, "Yeah." He sighed, relaxing for the first time in weeks. For a moment it seemed like his life was starting to get back to normal instead of spinning more and more out of control with every passing moment.

"I love you."

Or maybe not.

His eyes shot up at Caleb, his brain trying to figure out if he imagined what he had just heard. The look on Caleb's face told him that he didn't. `Fuck! Fuck? That was not a reaction a person should have to someone else telling him they loved you, is it?' Justin thought his heart would burst out of his chest as he tried to figure out what to say. His mind was drawing a blank. And he was sure one of the crab rangoons was stuck in his throat.

"Justin?"

Justin made himself look back up at the other man. "Yeah?" He tried to clear his throat.

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah."

Justin got off the floor.

"Oh," Caleb said. He did not expect that kind of reaction from Justin. He got up as well. "Well…"

`What do I say? What do I say?' was the only thing running through Justin's mind.

"Caleb…"

"Justin?"

"I…uhm…well…I…" It was as if he had lost all of his vocabulary in a blink of an eye.

Caleb took a step back as if somebody punched him, understanding what Justin's reaction meant. "You don't."

"What?" Justin muttered.

"You don't…love me."

"Cale…" Justin took a step closer, but Caleb held out a hand, stopping him from getting closer. "Caleb, I…" Justin tried again, but he didn't get a chance to say anything more because the door opened and Nicholas and Kevin walked in.

~~

"You know, some people don't know when to quit," Nicholas chirped as the four of them watched some old guy dance on stage.

"We'll see what you say when you turn forty," Kevin smirked at his lover.

"That ain't ever happening, baby," Nicholas replied, "I'm never getting older than twenty nine."

Kevin sneered.

"Hey, what's with the two of you?" Nicholas turned to the other two members of their little group who hadn't uttered one word the whole night.

"Nothing," Caleb said, glancing over at Justin.

Nicholas turned to Justin expecting him to be a little bit more forthcoming with information.

"Nothing," Justin said as well.

"Ouch…that bad?" Nick said, he and Kevin exchanging a look.

Justin could feel Caleb's eyes on him, but he couldn't make himself meet his gaze. He tried to focus on the man on stage when he suddenly felt somebody pulling him up. "Excuse us, but we need to talk," Caleb said as he practically dragged Justin after him.

~~

Getting tired of David's self-righteous tirade and after planning a small prank on him, Brian moved up to the catwalk to check out the crowd for potential tricks. Looking over at where Michael and David stood, Brian smirked. He was relieved to finally have his best friend back after months of not talking. His plan for Michael's thirtieth birthday worked too well. This was the longest they'd ever gone without talking, even when he was in college. But when Michael found out that Brian's father died he showed up at his door without a second thought. There were no apologies, no words said about what happened. It wouldn't be their style. All was forgiven and forgotten like a bad dream.

Pushing all thoughts aside, he looked down at the crowd below. A young twink in a white midriff tee caught his eye.

~~

Caleb found the farthest corner he could find.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Justin demanded, not appreciating being dragged across half of the dance floor.

"I need to know," Caleb said. "I need to know NOW."

"Know what?" He knew exactly what Caleb was referring to but he still had no idea what to say. Everything inside him told him to just say the words, to make Caleb happy, but he just couldn't. For some reason he couldn't make himself do it.

"You know damn well, Justin. Do you? Do you…love me?" He tried hard not to let his voice betray just how hurt he was right now.

Justin opened his mouth, but no sound came out of it.

Caleb's scoffed nervously.

"I just…I need to think about this," Justin finally said.

"Think about it? Justin, you don't THINK about IT! You FEEL it. And YOU obviously DON'T!"

"That's not it. I just…it's too much!"

"What? Me loving you is too much?"

Justin blew out a puff of air as he ran his hand through his hair. He was getting aggravated and wanted to end this conversation as soon as possible. "No…yes…I'm not sure…I…"

"Well, you better get FUCKING SURE!" Caleb shouted.

Justin looked up at him, now angry at being given an ultimatum. "I don't need this shit right now," he growled.

"What shit? Me saying I love you? Or me loving you?"

When Justin just glared, he continued. "Or BOTH?!"

More than anything he wanted to get out of here. He suddenly felt claustrophobic in that corner, surrounded by a horde of strangers. "I'm leaving," he said, pushing his way pass Caleb and through the crowd. He was fuming. He was so fucking furious for Caleb backing him into a corner…literally. He heard Caleb calling after him, but he didn't stop. Not until he ran into somebody. He looked up to see a tall skinny guy in a tight white shirt.

"Oh, sorry," Justin mumbled.

"I'm not," the guy said.

"Justin!"

Justin turned to see Caleb standing a couple of feet away. He wasn't entirely sure what the hell he was doing when he turned to the other guy. "What's your name?"

"Sean," the guy smiled.

Justin glanced over at Caleb who looked like he got the air knocked out of him.

"You're hot," he said to Sean who just grinned even more in reply. "You wanna get out of here?"

"You lead."

Justin put an arm around Sean and they made their way through the crowd.

~~

Brian felt like his heart skipped a beat when he saw the blonde from his visions talking to the same trick he was eyeing just moments earlier. Without even thinking, he rushed down the stairs and through the crowd. But by the time he got to where he saw them, they have vanished.

He searched through the crowd, but did not see a blonde head anywhere.

"FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!"

~~

It was nine o'clock on Sunday morning, but Justin was already up. In fact, he was never down. He didn't sleep a wink the night before, trying to figure out what in the world he was thinking when he walked off with that guy. He sat on the doorsteps to Caleb's building, knowing that in the next few minutes Caleb should be leaving for gym.

He heard the door open behind him and held his breath hoping that the other man would at least give him a chance to explain.

To his surprise Caleb just sat next to him.

"I'm sorry," Justin said. He knew it was lame and in no way made up for what he did, but that was all he had at the moment.

"I know," Caleb said softly.

"I do…I mean…care about you."

"I know."

"A lot."

"I know."

Justin looked at him, "I AM sorry."

Caleb stared at him. He knew that he should let him go…right here…right now. "I know." He couldn't. Not yet.

***

Justin rolled on his side and stared at his lover. No matter how hard he tried to make it up to Caleb, no matter how hard they tried to make it work, they both knew that their relationship was falling apart. That it was only a matter of time before one of them got tired of trying and let go.

"What?" Caleb asked.

"Nothing," Justin shook his head. He flopped down on his pillow.

"You wanted to say something. What is it?"

Justin looked back at him. "Uhm…"

"What?" Caleb asked again.

"Did you go to your prom?"

Out of all the things he expected to come out of Justin's mouth, this wasn't one of them. "Yeah. My mom made me take my cousin."

Justin snickered, "Your cousin?"

"Yeah. It was horrible. I think she paid Angie too, because she just wouldn't leave me for a second. Ever slow danced with your cousin?"

Justin laughed at the expression of misery that was plastered on Caleb's face as he was recalling the traumatic evening.

"Why do you ask?" Caleb asked him.

"Well, my prom's coming up."

"Uh-huh."

"I wasn't gonna go, but my mom gave me this whole lecture on why I should. That it's for everybody, gay or straight. That it shouldn't matter. Stuff like that."

"Uh-huh."

"So, I was wondering if maybe you'd wanna go with me," Justin finally blurted out. He turned to Caleb and waited for his reaction.

Caleb just stared back at him, at loss for words.

"Caleb?" Justin called out when Caleb still didn't say anything.

"Yeah?"

"I think I just asked you to my prom."

"I heard."

"So…"

"So? Are you nuts? You spent your whole senior year being picked on and bullied because you're gay. Now you want to bring your boyfriend to a room full of the same guys that picked on you and bullied you all year long?"

Justin was surprised at his reaction. "It's not like they can do anything. We're going to be in a crowd. And there will be

chaperones and teachers and our principal. So, there's nothing to worry about."

"Justin…"

"Come on. Please?" Justin pleaded.

"Why don't you take Daphne?"

"Because I want to go with somebody I really care about. Somebody…" Justin looked away. He wondered if he could say the words now. Maybe it would fix all of their problems. "Somebody…I…" He looked up at Caleb. "Somebody I…love," he whispered.

Caleb's eyes snapped up, surprised at what Justin just said. He saw a mega-watt smile shining back at him. Maybe it wasn't over. Maybe they still had a chance. Caleb smiled back at him and nodded. "That doesn't mean I have to wear a dress, does it?"

Justin chuckled, "Only if you want to, baby." He kissed Caleb softly and then got up and pulled his pants on.

Caleb smiled at how giddy Justin was. He loved making him smile more than anything.

"This is going to be so great. I can only imagine the shocked looks on everyone's faces when they see us." Justin pulled his shirt on, not noticing the smile on Caleb's face fading.

~~

"Are you insane?" Kevin exclaimed when Caleb finished explaining to him why he was trying on his tux.

"What?" Caleb turned to him, "How does it look?"

Kevin looked him over, "It looks like somebody lost his fucking mind."

"Does that mean good or bad?"

"Caleb! Are you fucking listening to me?" Kevin was at the end of his rope when it came to those two.

"Yes! God, stop shouting. What's the big deal?" Caleb took the jacket of the tux off and draped it on back of the chair.

Kevin was ready to rip out his hair.

Caleb sighed, "Look, Kev, it's his prom. He wants me there. What was I supposed to say?"

"That he needs to get some professional help for even having this idea in the first place?"

"I couldn't do that." He dropped down on the couch.

"Why not?"

Caleb stared down at his hands as Kevin took a seat next to him. "I think it's over," Caleb said, his words barely audible.

"What?" Kevin couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Caleb turned to look at him, "Justin and I…I think it's over."

"But…but he asked you to his prom."

Sad smile spread on Caleb's face. "Yeah."

Kevin sighed, putting an arm around his best friend, "I'll be here."

Caleb nodded, grateful for the lack of lecture or `I told you so' he was expecting to get from Kevin.

~~

"How do I look?" Justin twirled, showing off his tux to Nicholas.

"If I wasn't a married man I'd snatch you up in a second," Nicholas gushed.

"Kevin married? Ha! Like that's ever going to happen," Justin scoffed.

"Blondie, do you have to rain on my parade?"

"Sorry," Justin smiled. "Didn't mean to bring you out of the fairy tale land."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now sit down and let me do your hair," Nicholas pushed him down in the chair in front of the mirror. "I can't believe you're taking a guy to the prom. God, I wish I had your balls."

"A lot of people do," Justin snickered.

Nicholas smacked the back of Justin's head, "Don't get smart." This made Justin laugh even harder.

~~

Caleb stood in the corner watching Justin dance with Daphne. When Justin came to pick him up he was speechless. He had never seen Justin look more beautiful or loved him more than he did tonight. While he was a nervous wreck, walking in hand-in-hand with Justin, his lover was reveling in the attention they got, his head up high. He watched Justin all night talk, laugh, and dance with Daphne and he couldn't push away the feeling that Justin was already gone from his life. No matter how much they tried to stall, no matter how much they tried to fight the inevitable, it was over. And the longer they didn't accept that fact, the more it would hurt in the long run. And Caleb wasn't sure he could handle that. Because it already hurt like hell.

He put down the glass of soda and walked out of the banquette hall. Finding a smoking section he took out a cigarette and lit it.

"Hey, there you are." Justin exclaimed walking toward him, breathless from dancing. "I've been looking for you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Let's dance. Come on," Justin took his hand, pulling Caleb after him, but Caleb didn't move. "What's wrong?"

Caleb stared at him, not sure if he could get the words out. "I don't want to," he said instead.

"Just one dance, please. Come on," Justin turned to leave again, tugging on Caleb's hand, but once again Caleb didn't move.

Justin stopped and looked at him, his smile fading.

Caleb took a deep breath in, pulling his hand out of Justin's. "I think I should go."

"Go? Go where? You wanna leave?" Justin chastised himself for leaving Caleb alone for so long, not thinking that the other man would feel uncomfortable. "It's still early. We could call the guys and meet them at Woody's or something if you want."

"No. I mean…I…should go." He emphasized `I'.

Justin's eyes widened at the realization of what Caleb meant. "But…why?"

"Because we both know it's time."

"But…I…I…lo…"

"Don't," Caleb cut him off before he could say the word. "I know the reason why you couldn't say it before. And I know the reason why you're trying to say it now. And it's not the right one. It's not because you love me. It's because you're trying to hold on to us. We both are. And I think it's time to let go."

"That's not true." The tears welled up in his eyes.

"Yes, it is," Caleb said softly, trying to fight his own tears. He took a step closer to Justin. "You want something. Something else. Someone else. It's been that way from the beginning. You feel like there's someone else out there for you. And you've been searching for him all this time. I kept hoping that you'd realize it was me, but we both know that it's not. I hoped that maybe after a while you'd love me. But I just can't do that anymore. Wait for you. I can't waste my life on what-ifs and maybes. You're graduating and starting a new life. I think it would be better for both of us if you started it alone. Without me."

"Caleb, I…" a single tear rolled down Justin's cheek.

"Shhh," Caleb said, wiping away the tear with his hand. "It's ok. It's going to be ok."

"I…"

Caleb's lower lip quivered as his lips touched Justin's. They let the kiss linger just a little while longer. Caleb was the first one to pull away, wiping the tears off his face.

"I'm sorry," Justin whispered.

"I know," Caleb nodded. Took a step back. He forced out a smile, "Bye, Justin." He turned around and started to walk away. Everything inside of him was screaming to turn around, to forget everything he just said. But he knew he couldn't. He started running down the hall, needing to get away from Justin.

When Justin saw him disappear around the corner he leaned against the wall, trying to process what just happened, oblivious to a pair of eyes watching him.

~~

Brian couldn't believe that he let Ryder talk him into coming to see Luke Hardt this late at night. No matter how big the account was he could have gotten somebody else to drop off the papers at Mr. Hardt's hotel room. But working would mean not thinking about being thirty and so he agreed.

He parked his Jeep in the parking garage of the hotel and looked himself over in the mirror. He was wearing a simple navy-blue suit with his new silk scarf around his neck. Even though they already got the account, he still had to look good, still had to sell himself to the client. He reached for the folder on the passenger seat when, suddenly, he saw himself dressed in a tux dancing with the beautiful blonde from his visions while a crowd gathered around them. He didn't try to shake off the image this time. It was beautiful. The two of them. Even though he could only see the blonde staring back at him, somehow he knew that they were amazing together. Magical. "It was the best night of my life," the blonde said. The blonde was wearing the same white scarf that he had on right now. "Even if it was ridiculously romantic." Brian even smiled at the image. But then the beautiful vision got replaced by an image of him running out of the jeep and screaming `Justin' and then seeing and hearing the bat strike the blonde's head. The image was so intense and disturbing; it left Brian breathless, gasping for air. "What the FUCK!" he shouted. "ENOUGH!" He ran his hands through his hair, trying to get the last image out of his head, but he kept seeing it over and over again…the bat striking the blonde…like a fucking movie in rewind mode. "STOP!" He looked at himself in the mirror again, but all he saw was the now bloody white scarf clutched in his hand. Brian closed his eyes, trying to push the frightening image out of his head, trying to compose himself.

He grabbed the folder and got out of the Jeep.

Justin said good-bye to Daphne and headed to the garage, toward the car he borrowed from his mother. He wanted to forget this day, this night ever happened. He thought, no, believed that asking Caleb to the prom would fix things. That it would be romantic and prove to Caleb how much he cared for him. Somehow it turned out all wrong.

Brian was almost at the elevator when he saw a young man dressed in a tuxedo walking through the parking garage. Brian thought his heart would stop when he realized…this was the blonde from his visions. He watched the young man walk away from him when something else caught his eye…another guy…with a bat…moving fast toward the blonde. Brian's eyes widened as the image of the bat striking the blonde's head ran through Brian's mind again.

"JUSTIN!!!" he dropped the folder in his hand and ran as fast as he could.

Hearing his name, Justin stopped and turned around. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a man running toward him as he saw Chris Hobbs raising and swinging the bat at his head. At the last moment Justin managed to duck, the bat missing his head by an inch. Losing his balance, he tumbled to the ground.

"What the fuck?!" Justin yelled out as he stared wild-eyed at the football player. "What the FUCK are you DOING?!" He tried to get up as Chris moved closer to him raising the bat again, but his right hand was hurt and he yelled out in pain. Just as he thought the bat would connect with his head, he saw a white silk scarf float down and land at his feet. He didn't see anything else, feeling hypnotized by the white object lying next to him. He heard something the sounded like a cry and then the bat falling to the ground.

Justin was gasping for air as if he just ran ten miles, his heart racing, shaking all over. His brain trying to make sense of what just happened.

"You ok?"

Slowly he moved his gaze up at the man standing in front of him. He stared into the hazel eyes of the stranger, unable to speak.

Brian couldn't look away, his eyes fixed on the pair of blue ones. He didn't think he had ever seen anything so blue. For just a second he forgot that the kid was just attacked. This was the kid that had been haunting him for months. Months of visions and dreams and fantasies. And here he was. In front of him now. How did this kid get into his head before he ever met him?

"Are you ok?" he asked the blonde again, bringing both of them into the present.

Justin nodded, still unable to utter a single word. He saw a hand in front of him. He put his left hand in it and let the man pull him up to his feet. He stood so close to the other man he could smell shampoo his hair. Justin finally broke the stare and looked around. He saw the bat laying a couple of feet away, but there was no sign of Chris Hobbs anywhere.

"He ran away," Brian explained.

Justin looked back at him, nodding.

"Are you two ok?" they heard somebody ask. They both turned around to see a security guard next to them. "I was told that somebody got attacked here."

"Yes, some guy just tried to smash HIS head with THAT baseball bat." He pointed to the bat still lying on the ground.

The security guard took out his radio and told somebody to call the cops right away, "The police should be here in a few minutes," he said. "Are you hurt?" he asked Justin.

"Uhm…just…" he looked down at his right arm, "Just my arm."

"You're bleeding," Brian exclaimed, looking down at his arm covered in blood.

"It's…it's ok." Justin said.

Brian picked up the scarf and wrapped it around Justin's bleeding hand.

Just then they saw the police car drive up to them and two policemen get out of it and make their way toward them. Justin was grateful that the other man explained what happened, not sure if could speak.

"Do you know the man that attacked you?"

Justin moved his gaze from the stranger's eyes and looked at one of the policemen, realizing the question was directed at him, "Yes. Chris Hobbs. We go to school together." He watched the cop write the information down while his partner picked up the bat and put it in a big plastic bag. Justin saw an ambulance drive up, two paramedics getting out of it.

"I…I don't need…hospital," he said, getting apprehensive again.

"It's ok. They'll just check you out, make sure you're ok. That's all," the policeman said, trying to calm down the frightened teen.

The paramedics removed the scarf, now soaked with blood and handed it to Brian who was standing next to Justin.

One of the paramedics led Justin away to the ambulance and sat him down, assessing the damage and bandaging it. Justin didn't take his eyes off Brian the whole time the paramedic was working on him.

"He might need some stitches," Brian heard the other paramedic say to the policeman.

"That's ok. We can talk to him later," the cop replied to the paramedic, then turned to Brian. "Sir, do you mind coming down to the station with us to give a statement?"

Brian looked back at Justin who was still staring at him. "No…I mean…yes…sure."

He watched as the paramedics ushered Justin inside the ambulance, their eyes meeting one last time when Justin turned to look at him. Then the blonde head disappeared and the ambulance drove away. He listened to the policeman telling him which station to go to and then slowly made his way to his Jeep. When he got in, he looked down at the object still clutched in his hand. Brian shuddered as the image of the blood-red scarf ran through his mind again.

***

"I just can't forget his face. His eyes. There was something about them. HIM." Justin looked down at the sparkling water in the pool as he finished telling Daphne about the man that saved his life the night before. "It was like I knew him. But not really. You know?"

"Maybe you've met him somewhere before," Daphne said skeptically.

Justin shook his head, "No. Trust me, I would have remembered."

"Well, all I care about is that you're ok. Thank God, he showed up. I mean, you could have been really hurt last night."

"Yeah. It was pretty scary." Justin knew that it was the understatement of the century. He was still trying to get over the shock of almost being killed.

"What the hell was Hobbs thinking?" Daphne shook her head, still trying to process the fact that their classmate attacked Justin.

"That since I suck cock I don't deserve to live?"

Daphne sighed and looked at Justin. Out of nowhere she threw her arms around her best friend, "Thank God you're ok."

Justin smiled, hugging her close. "Thanks," he whispered, letting her comfort him.

~~~

Brian took a sip of his beer as he watched Emmett trying to sink a ball into a pool table pocket. He couldn't believe that he was actually hanging out with Emmett and Ted, but with Michael being in Portland he didn't have any other options. Of course there was always hundreds of willing bodies at Babylon, but the night was still young. He tried to focus on the game but his mind went back to the young man he saved the night before. He tried not to think about the reason why he had visions of the young blonde for months before he met him. He tried not to think about what almost happened when he finally saw him. And he definitely tried NOT to think about how blue the blonde's eyes were as they looked up at him. It was as if the young man could see through all his bullshit and into his soul. Justin. That's what his name was. Justin Taylor. That was the only piece of information he was able to find out from the police. He wanted to make sure he was ok, but when he called the hospital he was told that Justin was already released.

"Brian, it's your turn."

Snapping back to the present, he picked up his cue stick and walked over to the table. Just as he was about to line up a shot he saw…HIM…standing in the entrance staring at back at him.

Ted and Emmett followed the direction of Brian's gaze and saw the young blonde man staring back at Brian.

"Don't you think he's a little too young for you?" Brian heard Ted say behind him, but didn't look away.

Justin couldn't believe that the man that saved his life was standing in front of him. Woody's was the last place he expected to find him at. Justin had no plans of coming out tonight, but his mother had gone into overprotective mode because of the attack and he started to feel suffocated. He had to get out of the house and unwind. Woody's was the perfect place for that.

He moved toward the tall man, their eyes still locked on each other.

"Hi," Justin said when he reached the table.

Brian's mouth suddenly went dry. "Hey," he muttered.

Ted and Emmett watched the two men, amused.

"I'm Justin," the blonde said.

"Brian."

Justin looked away, feeling uncomfortable. Since last night he'd been fantasizing about meeting this mystery man, but now that he had, he didn't know what to say.

"How's your arm?" Brian was the first to speak.

"Oh…uhm…" Justin looked down at his right hand that was covered in white bandages. "It's ok. Just a couple stitches. No big deal."

"That's good," Brian nodded.

"You two know each other?" Emmett butted in.

They both looked at him.

"Brian saved my life last night," Justin offered the information while Brian looked away, not wanting to see the look on his friends' faces.

The `what' and `how' followed.

"Anyway," Justin turned back to Brian, "As soon as the ambulance drove away I realized that I haven't even thanked you."

"There's no need…" Brian shook his head.

"I was hoping you'd let me at least buy you a drink," Justin added.

Brian wanted to talk to the kid, but he knew that with his two nosy friends around that wouldn't be possible. "You hungry?" Before Justin could reply, he put the cue stick on the table and practically pushed the teen outside.

~~~

Sliding into the booth, Brian picked up the menus and handed one to Justin.

"So, what's good here?" Justin asked, looking around the diner.

Brian smirked, "Nothing."

Justin smiled back at him and for a moment Brian lost all coherent thought. The young man's smile was breathtaking. He cleared his throat. "So…uhm…are you going to have anything?"

"Finger food only."

Brian raised his eyebrow questioningly. Justin just raised his right arm in response.

"Oh, right," Brian said, putting the menu away. "How about fries?"

"Sure."

"Hey, Deb, how about some service?" he called out to the woman in a bright red wig.

"Keep your pants on," the woman yelled back from the other end of the diner.

Brian smiled, then turned back to Justin. "So, does it hurt?" he pointed at Justin's right arm.

"Uhm…a little. They gave me some painkillers, so it's not that bad."

"Oh."

"The only sucky thing is that I can't draw until I get the bandages off."

"Draw?" Brian asked, curious.

"Oh, yeah…I draw…I'm sort of an artist," Justin suddenly felt very self aware and modest.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm going to the Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts in the fall," Justin said proudly, feeling a little more confident now that Brian showed interest in the subject.

"PIFA? Wow. That's a really good school. Extremely hard to get into. You must be very good," Brian said, impressed.

Justin shrugged his shoulders. "I guess." He sighed with relief when the crazy lady in a red wig walked up to them to take their order.

"Wow, Brian, you've actually outdone yourself this time," Debbie said, looking Justin over. "He's gorgeous." Justin tried not to laugh when Brian rolled his eyes.

"Can we order now?" Brian said, trying his best to sound annoyed.

"Alright, shoot. Although you might wanna save it for later," she laughed at her own joke while Brian just stared at her. "Ok, sorry." Her expression turning serious.

"A double order of fries and a cup of coffee," Brian said.

"Anything to drink, Sunshine?" Debbie asked Justin.

"Uhm…just a Coke," he replied, surprised at the nickname.

Brian looked at Justin. Sunshine? He smiled. The name definitely suited the teen. His smile could blind a person, it was so bright.

"So, why did this guy decide to use your head for batting practice?" Brian asked as soon as Debbie left to place their order.

Justin looked away, caught off guard by the question. "He didn't approve of my date for the prom," he said, finally looking back up at Brian.

Brian raised his eyebrow, questioningly. "Your date?"

"Yeah. I took my boyfriend."

Brian's eyebrows were raised even higher.

"EX-boyfriend," Justin clarified.

"You took a guy to the prom?" Brian couldn't believe. This kid was either very brave or very dumb.

"Yeah. If I was paying money for the tickets, I might as well take somebody I really want, right? Besides, it was like the last big `fuck you' to the St. James academy."

Brave. Definitely brave, Brian decided. And nadve.

"So, where was your boyfriend when Mr. All American went after you?"

"EX-boyfriend," Justin emphasized the `ex' part again. "He left earlier. We broke up."

Brian snickered, "At the prom?"

Justin looked away, uncomfortable discussing Caleb with a stranger, "Yeah. It's complicated."

"It always is," Brian sighed, "Who needs that shit?"

Justin smiled, "That's an interesting concept."

"It's the only one that lets you be honest and happy."

"Hmm," Justin seriously considered what Brian just said. When he was with Caleb that's exactly what he wanted. To be able to do whatever the hell he wanted without consequences, without guilt for hurting somebody else's feelings.

"Here we go." They both turned to Debbie who placed two plates with fries in front of them.

"What the hell took so long?" Brian asked.

"We're a little short-handed right now," Debbie replied. She left and came back a minute later with Brian's coffee and Justin's Coke.

"Are you hiring?" Justin asked out of the blue.

Debbie looked at him with a smirk. "Are you looking?"

"Yeah. I was hoping to get something for the summer. To save some money for when school starts in the fall."

"School?" She turned to Brian, trying to hide her smile. Brian pretended not to see the look she gave him.

"I'm starting college," Justin explained.

"Oh," she looked at him. "Ever bussed tables before?"

"No," he shook his head.

"Well, stand up."

"What?" Justin looked at her confused.

"Come on, get up," she repeated.

Justin looked over at Brian who bit his cheek in order not to laugh. When he realized that he won't get any help from the older man, he did as Debbie ordered and stood up.

"Turn around," Debbie said.

Still confused, Justin did a 360 as Debbie looked at his butt.

"You're hired," she concluded. "Be here tomorrow at eight sharp."

Justin stared at her wide-eyed. "Thanks," he slid back down in his seat. When Debbie walked away, he turned to Brian, "What a freak."

Brian chuckled, "Yeah. She takes some getting used to."

Justin stopped stuffing his face with fries for a moment and looked at Brian, "She's not your…I mean…she's not your mother or anything. Is she?"

Brian's only response was a loud laughter.

"How long have you known her?" Was Justin's next question.

Brian shrugged, "Uhm…fifteen…sixteen years. Her son is my best friend." Brian wondered why he just volunteered the information to a total stranger. It was one thing to fuck a hot guy, it was a completely different story to have an actual conversation over food and coffee. He didn't do that. He never did that. But with this kid Brian felt so completely at ease for some reason. He watched the teen put another fries into his mouth and then lick the ketchup off his finger. Brian felt his cock stirring in his jeans.

"You wanna get out of here?" he asked the blonde.

Justin looked up from his plate, clueing in right away to what Brian was asking. "Yes."

Brian threw a few bills on the table and they made their way out of the diner.

"Remember, eight o'clock tomorrow!" Justin heard Debbie call after him.

~~~

"Shut the door," Brian said as they both walked into the loft.

"Wow! Your place is great," Justin said, looking around after he slid the door shut. "I like your kitchen."

Brian scoffed. "You want something to drink?"

Justin shook his head as he focused on the painting of a naked man.

Brian glanced at Justin one last time, then opened the fridge in search of a bottle of water. Suddenly a familiar image flooded his mind. The one he had the first night it all began. Him pouring water over his head and then kissing this blonde…fucking this blonde. Brian thought that the visions and images would stop now that he had finally met Justin. He tried to clear his head as he took the bottle of Evian out of the fridge. But as soon as he closed the fridge door he came face to face with the mystery man from his visions. Justin stood only inches away.

Brian put the bottle down on the counter, staring down into the blue eyes of this beautiful man in front of him. He was always the one to make the first move. Didn't like it any other way. But when Justin took a step closer and pulled him in for a kiss, he didn't care. He covered Justin's mouth with his own, the two of them trying to devour each other. Brian was amazed. He had fucked a lot of guys in his life, but never before had he been left breathless with just a kiss.

They frantically tried to remove each other's clothing as they made their way into the bedroom.

Brian was pleasantly surprised at how good Justin was. He didn't expect much from an eighteen-year old. But it was as if they had been together before. Somehow they both knew the other man's sensitive spots, the places that would drive the other man crazy. It was so familiar for both of them, but also so completely new.

~~~

Justin tried not to moan as he tried to roll over on the other side. He had never been this sore before. He had never had that much sex before. He had never had sex THAT great before. He smiled as he recalled the events of the previous night.

"What are you smiling about?"

Justin turned his attention to the man lying next to him. "Uhm…nothing. Do you mind if I take a shower?"

"No. It's through there," Brian pointed in the direction of the bathroom. He tried not to laugh when he saw Justin wince with every little move. The night before was wild. It was the best lay he had had in a long time. Maybe even ever. He saw the blonde disappear in the bathroom and then got up and strutted over to the answering machine. Even before he pressed the button he knew who the message was from. Michael.

"Brian, it's me…"

Brian pressed the stop button when he heard a yelp from the bathroom. Figuring that he could always listen to the message when he didn't have more urgent things to take care of, he quickly crossed the distance to the bathroom.

~~~

A couple of hours later they finally managed to get dressed and leave the loft. Brian dropped Justin off at the diner for Justin's first shift and then sped across town trying to make it to his nine o'clock appointment with a trainer.

***

"Oh my God! Are you ok?" Nicholas stared at his friend with a shocked expression on his face as Justin finished telling him about what happened at his prom.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little shaken up, I guess," Justin replied.

"What about your arm?" Nicholas traced a finger along the bandages on Justin's arm.

"It should be fine in a week or two." Justin shrugged it off like it was no big deal.

"My God, Justin. You could have been killed."

"I was lucky that Brian was there," Justin said.

"Brian?"

"Yeah. This guy was there at the parking garage. Brian Kinney. He saw Hobbs coming after me and warned me. He helped me. Saved my life," Justin smiled slightly at the memory of his first night with Brian.

"Brian Kinney?" Nicholas looked at him in disbelief.

"Yeah."

"Brian Kinney saved your life?"

"Yeah," Justin replied again. "Why? You know him?"

"Ha!" Nicholas shook his head, "I wish." When Justin looked at him puzzled, he explained, "The man is legendary on Liberty Avenue. He has a rep for being the best fuck in Pittsburgh. Maybe even the whole state of Pennsylvania."

"Oh." A small smile spread across Justin's lips and even though it was brief, Nicholas noticed it.

"You didn't."

"Did what?" Justin tried to give him his best innocent look.

"Oh my God! You did! You fucked Brian Kinney!"

Justin blushed as he looked around the coffee shop to make sure that nobody heard his friend. When he turned back around he knew that there was no point in stalling the inevitable. "Well, technically he fucked me, but…"

Getting over the initial shock Nicholas got to the more pressing issue. "So, how was he?"

"I'm not telling." No matter how hard he tried, Justin couldn't keep the smile off his face.

"Oh, come on. Share with your less fortunate friend," Nicholas pleaded.

"Well, let's just say…he lives up to his legend," Justin's smile got even wider.

~~~

"You know, I don't really feel comfortable coming here to look for your one night stand," Daphne said to her friend as they walked inside Woody's.

"Not just one and we're not here to look for him," Justin replied. Despite his comment, the moment he was inside he scanned the crowd for his knight in shining armor.

"Yeah, right. And what do you mean `not just one'?" Daphne turned to him. "Justin!" She tried to get his attention.

"What?"

"How many times?"

"Uhm…five…no…six. Yeah, six," Justin replied, turning his attention back to the crowd. He smiled when his eyes fell on a tall, slender figure in the corner of the bar. "There he is," Justin motioned in Brian's direction.

Daphne followed his gaze to see a tall man standing in the far corner. "Oh, wow. He definitely is gorgeous. But he's so thin," she said turning back to him. Since Justin couldn't draw because of his arm all Daphne had to go on for the last two weeks was Justin's description of the mystery man.

Justin didn't hear her last comment because his eyes met a pair of hazel ones across the room.

"Hey," Justin said as soon as the two of them reached the pool table.

Brian bit his lower lip in order to hide the smile that was threatening to spread on his lips as soon as he saw Justin. "Hey," he finally said when he had the smiling problem under control.

"Hi, guys," Justin waved to Emmett and Ted who stood on the other side of the table.

Ted nodded in response. Emmett, who has become very fond of the blonde boy in the last two weeks, walked over and gave his baby a big hug and a peck on the cheek.

"This is Daphne," Justin introduced his best friend to the group.

Daphne waved to all of them with a huge grin on her face.

"You want to play pool? We need a fourth person," Ted asked the newly arrived member of their group.

"Sure," Justin replied excitingly.

"Do you even know how?" Brian scoffed.

Justin shrugged, "How hard can it be? You hit a ball with a stick. You don't have to be a genius to do THAT. Besides, I'm sure YOU can teach me." He licked his lips, not taking his eyes off Brian.

All Brian wanted to do at that moment was to grab the artist's arm, drag him to his jeep, take him to the loft, and fuck his brains out. But the young man wanted to play.

"Ok, little boy. Grab a stick," Brian said, smirking, as he put his beer on the table and walked over to Justin.

Justin took the cue stick, positioning it on the table. He felt Brian's dick pressing against his ass as Brian pressed close against him, showing him how to correctly grip the stick. Brian was in the process of lining up a shot for Justin when he felt Justin's whole body stiffen under his touch. He looked at Justin's face to see what was wrong. He noticed Justin looking at something…someone. He followed his gaze to see a young man about Justin's age, maybe a few years older, walking toward them.

"Hi," Caleb said, staring at Justin.

Justin straightened up and moved out of Brian's embrace. "How…how are you?" He was able to utter.

Caleb looked around at the group uncomfortably, then back at Justin. "Can we talk?" He motioned for the exit.

Justin looked up at Brian, then nodded. He put the stick down on the table, shot a glance at Daphne, and then followed Caleb out.

Brian watched the two young men walk away, not sure what to make of a twinge in the pit of his stomach.

"Who's that?" Ted asked.

"He looks delicious enough to eat," Emmett added, eyeing the stranger. The comment earned him a glare from Brian.

"Justin's ex," Daphne explained.

Brian grabbed the bottle of beer and took a chug out of it, trying to hide what he was feeling from the rest of the group.

As soon as they were outside, Caleb turned to Justin. "Nick told me what happened," he said. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Justin nodded.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you alone there. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Cale, it wasn't your fault." Justin moved closer to the other man. "You couldn't have known. Besides, I'm ok. My arm's pretty much healed up." He took another step closer. "I'm ok," he repeated.

Caleb sighed. He stared into the blue eyes of his former lover. "I miss you".

Justin looked up at him, smiled slightly. "I miss you too."

Caleb motioned toward the bar. "That guy treating you alright?"

"Oh, Brian? It's not…I mean…it's nothing serious or anything like that. We just…you know…"

"Fuck?" Caleb smiled sadly.

Justin smiled as well. "Yeah. And we hang out a little, but it's nothing serious."

"You never know."

Just then Brian showed up in the doorway. Justin looked at him, then at Caleb, then back at Brian again. Brian walked down the stairs. Walking up to him he put his hand on Justin's neck. He leaned in, planting a kiss on Justin's temple. "Later, Sonnyboy." He smirked at Caleb, turned around, and walked toward his Jeep.

`Fuck', Justin thought as he watched Brian drive away. He was sure that Brian did not appreciate Justin's ex showing up in his life. Things were already complicated enough.

"He's hot," Caleb said, getting Justin's attention.

Justin's only reply was a faint smile.

"I'll see you around?" Caleb said.

Justin nodded. Caleb smiled back at him again and left.

~~~

"Can I help you?" Debbie asked a woman who just walked into the diner. It was obvious that the woman had never set a foot on Liberty Avenue before.

"Oh, yes. I'm looking for my son," Jennifer said. "Justin Taylor."

Debbie smiled, "You're Sunshine's mom."

"Sunshine?" Jennifer asked confused.

"That's what I call Justin," Debbie said, extending her hand, "I'm Debbie."

"Oh," Jennifer forced out a smile and shook the other woman's hand, "Jennifer."

"Mom?"

Both women turned around to see Justin gaping at his mother.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, getting over the initial shock of seeing his mother here.

"I…I just wanted to…see where you work, that's all," Jennifer said walking over to her son.

Justin looked around embarrassed. "Well, now that you have, can you please leave?"

"Hey! Don't talk to your mother that way," Debbie chastised him. "You want some coffee?" she asked Jennifer.

"I gave up coffee," Jennifer replied.

"Of course you did. How about some tea?"

Jennifer nodded as she sat down on one of the stools.

Justin sighed loudly for a dramatic effect as he walked over and sat next to his mother. Suddenly he felt two arms wrapped around his shoulders. "Busy tonight?" he heard Brian murmur in his ear. Trying to ignore his instantly hard cock, Justin pulled away from Brian, only to have Brian's hand travel down his back to his butt. "Uh…" he cleared his throat. "Brian? This…this is my mother."

Only then did Brian notice a blonde woman sitting next to Justin, staring intently at the two of them.

When he realized that Brian wouldn't say anything, Justin turned to his mother. "Brian was the one who saved my life."

"Oh," Jennifer seemed to snap out of the shock of seeing a stranger with his arms around her son. "Uhm…Thank you," she held out her hand. Brian glanced at Justin, then at Debbie. He took Jennifer's hand and shook it slightly. "Thank you," she said again. Not knowing what to say, Brian just nodded.

The four of them sat in an uncomfortable silence for a moment.

"So, are you two…uhm…dating now?" Jennifer asked, staring at the man sitting next to her son.

Justin cringed at the mention of that word, knowing full well what Brian's reaction would be. He glared at Debbie when she snorted out a laugh.

There was another uncomfortable moment before Jennifer opened her purse to pay for the tea

"It's on the house," Debbie smiled at her.

"Thank you," Jennifer said to Debbie. "I should get going," she said to Justin, getting up. "I'll see you at home, sweetheart."

Justin turned even a deeper shade of red as his mother gave him a peck on the cheek in front of everybody in the diner, including Brian. Saying one more thank you to Brian, Jennifer finally made her exit.

"Well, that was fun," Debbie said to the two of them still sitting at the counter. She picked up her order pad and moved to newly arrived customers.

Just wanting to get it over with Justin dared to look up at Brian. He was sure that the blank look on Brian's face was hiding a very pissed off man underneath. "You want something?" he asked.

"The usual," Brian spat out without looking at the blonde.

Justin nodded, sighed, cast one last look at Brian, and headed to the kitchen to place his order.

Brian paid and left without another word.

~~~

When Justin got home he found his mother sitting in the kitchen, lost in her thoughts. Hoping to avoid the conversation that he knew was coming, Justin opened the fridge and looked around for something.

"Are you seeing him?"

Justin got out a can of Coke, closed the fridge, and turned around. "What?"

"That…Brian. Are you seeing him?" She asked again.

"No…well…it's complicated." He sat down across the table from her.

"How complicated can it be, Justin? You're either seeing him or not," she insisted.

"It's just complicated, ok?" Justin wanted out of this conversation. He took a sip of soda.

"He's a lot older than you."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Not really."

"How old is he?"

"Thirty."

Jennifer's eyes got wider, "That's old, Justin. Too old. For you."

"Mom!" He put the can down and got up.

"What about Caleb? He seemed nice. He cared about you."

Justin sighed, wondering how he could make her understand what he was feeling. "That wasn't the problem."

"What is the problem, Justin?"

"He wanted too much. I don't need to be tied down right now. I don't want that."

"And you want that Brian?"

He was getting aggravated. "You keep calling him `that Brian'. It's just Brian, mom! And yes, I do. And there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about THAT!" With that he stormed out of the townhouse.

~~~

Justin scanned the dancing crowd looking for one man in particular. He had to find him. Had to talk to him. First Brian meets Caleb. Now he meets Justin's mother? Justin knew that none of it was in Brian's plans and he didn't blame the man for getting defensive. But he had to explain to him that it wasn't some sort of a set up. That Justin wasn't trying to trap him.

He saw Brian in the middle of the dance floor kissing some guy. Without a second thought Justin made his way through the crowd toward him.

"Hey," Justin said.

Brian pulled away from the trick and looked at him. "What the hell do you want?"

Justin shrugged, taken aback by Brian's coldness. "Just…you know…to see if you had any plans…for tonight." Suddenly coming after Brian didn't sound like such a good idea.

Brian looked at him then back at his trick. It had been a little over two weeks and things had already gotten way too complicated for his taste. He knew he should never have fucked Justin more than once, but he just couldn't get away from the blonde. He knew whatever illusions Justin seemed to have about the two of them had to be shattered, done away with. "I found something better." He pulled the trick away from Justin and into the backroom.

Justin felt like somebody had punched him in the stomach, leaving him gasping for air. What did he expect? This was Brian Kinney. The legendary Brian Kinney, according to Nicholas. Why would Brian bend his rules for some blonde twink?

All he wanted right now was to get to the bar as fast as he could and get wasted. But when he turned around the first thing he saw was Caleb's face.

~~~

The moment the two of them got out of the club he knew that it was a bad idea, but for some reason his legs still carried him down Liberty Avenue toward Caleb's place. Now that he lay in Caleb's bed he knew that he made a huge mistake. Both of them were silent, not really sure what to say.

Justin looked at the watch on his wrist, "It's late. I should go." He sat up and started pulling his jeans on.

Caleb didn't say anything. Just silently watched Justin get dressed.

Justin pulled his shirt on and turned around, staring down at his former lover. "I'm sorry, Cale. This…it shouldn't have…"

"Don't," Caleb cut him off. "You weren't the only one here."

"I know, but…"

"Justin, don't," Caleb said again. "Just…don't."

Justin looked away, hating the hurt he saw in his ex-lover's eyes.

"You should go," Caleb whispered.

Justin just nodded his head and then left without another word.

~~~

When he walked down the stairs for breakfast the next morning he found his mother once again sitting at the kitchen table. He felt like he owed her something…an explanation…anything…for everything he had put her through with his father…for everything that happened since he came out. He grabbed a chair next to her and sat down.

"I know you worry about me," he began, "but you don't have to. Not anymore. I know what I'm doing, mom. And even if I don't, there's nothing you can do to make it better or easier." When he saw that she didn't make any attempts to interrupt him, he continued, "I just have to find my own way. Please, mom. You have to let me find my own way." He sighed, thinking of the night before and the mess he had made with both Brian and Caleb. "I don't know what's gonna happen with Brian. I know that I like him. A lot. But that's all I do know. And it's fine with me. Because I have time. Time to figure it all out." He waited for his mother to say something. When nothing came, he added, "You just have to trust me, mom. Please. Just trust me."

Jennifer stared back at her son. She knew he was right. She couldn't protect him from the world anymore. He was eighteen years old. A man. There was nothing she could do to shield him from pain and hardships of the real world. All she could do was to be there for him when he needed her. And support him, no matter what.

"I trust you," she said, pulling her son in for a hug.

~~~

He spotted Brian as soon as he walked inside the club. The older man was leaning on the bar scanning the crowd. Making a decision, Justin moved toward him. He knew that it would be hard. For some reason he was drawn to Brian. It was more than attraction or great sex. It was something different. Something bigger. Something he had never felt before. But it had to end. It had gotten too serious too quickly for both of them. And it was scaring them both, leading to both of them doing something stupid, something they regretted. He didn't want to get hurt anymore. And the only way to insure that was to make a clean break.

Brian looked up at Justin. "What do you want?"

Trying not to let Brian's coldness get to him, Justin smiled. "I still owe you a drink."

Brian just stared at Justin who signaled for the bartender.

"Relax, Brian. I know the score."

Brian raised his eyebrow. "You do?" He sneered.

"You fuck a guy and move on. Right? That's your motto. I'm not trying to change that." Justin shook his head. "That's not what I want. I'm not looking to get involved."

Brian mulled it over for a moment, surprised at what Justin said. "What ARE you looking for?"

Justin shrugged his shoulders, "A good time." Smiled. "A good fuck."

Brian snickered.

Just then the bartender finally came up to the two of them. Justin motioned for Brian to place an order.

"Double Jim Beam," Brian said.

"Same," Justin added, placing a few bills on the bar.

When the bartender came back with their drinks, they both downed them, not speaking another word. Justin put his glass down. "See you around." He flashed one last smile at Brian and then walked away.

Brian watched him dancing with some guy. His brain was telling him to walk away right now. It had already gotten too complicated for him. Something was drawing him to the blonde. Something he couldn't explain. Something that couldn't let him let go of the artist. Something that made him walk toward the young man now.

He made his way through the dance floor and stood in front of Justin. "I'm offering," he said.

Justin stared at him, confused.

"A good time. And a good fuck."

Justin couldn't keep himself from smiling. Just moments earlier he was sure that he had lost Brian. That was his plan. To walk away from him. To make it easier on both of them. He did not expect Brian to come after him. He knew he should tell Brian to forget it. They shouldn't do this…whatever it was that was happening between them two. But they were being pulled toward each other by some mystical force and he couldn't fight it.

Brian held out his hand.

Justin stared at him, trying to make a decision. It didn't have to get complicated, didn't have to be more than just a fuck. Not unless they wanted it to be. And neither of them did. There was nothing to worry about.

He put his hand into Brian's and they made their way out of the club.

***

Justin looked at the man who just walked into the diner. "What are you doing here?" he asked as he quickly made his way toward Nicholas.

"You've been working here for over a month. I thought I'd check out the place. The food." Nicholas smiled and ignoring the look Justin was giving him made his way through the diner and dropped into one of the booths.

Justin followed him, "The food's not that good. And the place...here…you've seen it. Now you can go," he desperately tried to pull Nicholas out of the booth but to no avail.

"Justin, what's the big deal?"

Justin sighed, exasperated. "This is where I work."

"So? I bet Brian comes here all the time WHILE you WORK," Nicholas grinned mischievously.

A light bulb went off in Justin's head as his eyes widened. "Oh, no. You're NOT."

"What?"

"You are NOT sitting here waiting to see if Brian shows up," Justin grabbed his arm and tried to pull him out of the booth once again.

"I beg your pardon. Why would I possibly do such a thing?" Nicholas's innocent look was negated by a huge grin on his face.

"Because I wouldn't introduce you to him? So you decided to take matters into your own hands and embarrass the hell out of me in the process which I KNOW you're just going to love."

"Moi?" Nick tried the innocent look again.

When Justin just stared back at him, he dropped all pretense. "I don't get what the big deal is. You've been dating him for like five weeks now. It's only natural for him to meet your friends."

"First of all, we're NOT dating."

"Sorry. Fucking."

Justin stuck his tongue out. "Second of all…we're NOT dating. So he DOESN'T need or want to meet my friends."

When Nicholas didn't say anything or make a move to leave, Justin threw his arms up in defeat. "Fine. You wanna sit here? Then sit here. Only I don't really know what time he'd show up if at all. So, you're wasting your time for nothing." But as soon as the words left his mouth, Brian showed up behind him, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

Justin cursed silently when he saw a huge smile spread across Nicholas's lips. "So, you're the infamous Brian Kinney."

Brian sneered at the stranger and then looked down at Justin silently asking him who the fuck this guy was. Justin sighed loudly. "Brian, this is Nick. Nick, this is Brian." Nicholas's smile only got wider. "Now you've met him. NOW you can LEAVE," Justin said to Nicholas.

"Come on, Blondie, don't be a shit," Nick smirked at his friend.

Amused by their interaction Brian slid into the booth across from Nicholas and chuckled. "That's right, Blondie. Don't be a shit. Get me some coffee." He looked up at Justin, tongue in cheek, trying not to laugh at the annoyed look on the teen's face.

"You're NOT gonna fuck him, Brian," Justin said.

"Why not?"

"Because he has a boyfriend," Justin explained.

"So?" Brian smirked, hoping to see smoke coming out of Justin's ears.

"Yeah, so?" Nicholas added, looking up at Justin as well.

"I like this boy," Brian said, smiling at Justin's friend.

Justin took a deep breath, feeling like he was about to explode. "Of course you do." He turned around and went to get coffee. A minute later he came back with a pot in his hands and poured coffee into a cup sitting in front of Brian. Then turned around and walked back around the counter to put the pot back. Behind him he heard, "FUCK! This is so goddamn hot!" Justin tried to hide his laughter. "Serves you right, asshole."

~~~

Having finished work early, Brian decided to stop by Lindsay's on the way home. To his surprise a different blonde holding his son opened the door.

"What are you doing here?" Brian asked as he walked in, taking Gus in his hands.

"Lindsay and Melanie needed an emergency babysitter and I was it," Justin said, closing the door and following Brian into the living room.

Brian put Gus down on the floor next to his toys, then flopped down on the couch next to Justin. He noticed Justin's sketchbook was open. He picked it up off the coffee table, oblivious to Justin tensing up next to him. It was a drawing of Gus sitting right here in this living room. He looked over at his son. Gus was engrossed in his toys. That's exactly what was portrayed in Justin's drawing. The expression on the baby's face, the way his hair, whatever was there, fell on his forehead.

"This is amazing, Justin," Brian finally said, putting the sketchbook down and looking over at the artist.

Justin let out a breath he was holding and smiled. "Thanks."

Brian looked back at his son, remembering the first time Justin met Gus. It was an accident, not planned. Justin was working a shift at the diner and he dropped by to pick up a sandwich when Lindsay and Melanie showed up with the baby. Justin of course recognized him immediately from the pictures in the loft. What amazed Brian was not the fact that Lindsay and Melanie immediately fell in love with the blonde teenager or that Lindsay right away invited him over to their house so she could look at Justin's work. It was Gus. His son just reached for this new person in his life, someone he had never met before, and demanded Justin to hold him.

Brian remembered when he told Justin that his son's name was Gus and Justin just started laughing. "You named your son Gus?" Justin asked as soon as he was able to calm down. And that night ran through Brian's mind again. Him seeing Justin standing in that hospital room.

"So, where are the munchers?" Brian asked Justin, bringing his thoughts back to the present.

"Some board meeting at the GLC or something like that," Justin shrugged his shoulders.

"And you just happened to be here?"

"I was at the diner. Linds came in, asked if I would be able to baby-sit. That's all," Justin explained, taken aback by Brian's questions. He didn't know what to make out of the look Brian gave him. As if he didn't believe him. "This isn't some master plan to see you, Brian. I was there. Lindsay needed help. It's no big deal," Justin said, hoping Brian would get the message. He didn't need Brian freaking out on him because things were moving too fast again.

He saw Brian lean back on the couch and he relaxed too. Brian didn't question it.

Just then the two women came through the door.

"Well, this is a surprise," Lindsay said, giving Brian a peck on the cheek.

"You know, it's polite to call before you show up," Melanie said to Brian while picking up Gus.

"You weren't here to pick up the phone," Brian said, getting up.

"How was he?" Lindsay asked Justin, choosing to ignore Melanie and Brian.

"Great," Justin smiled. "We ate, played, and then he posed. He makes a lot better model than some people I know," he grinned at Brian who just stuck his tongue out.

Brian watched Lindsay nod at Justin, then walk into the kitchen to get them all something to drink. He turned around to look at Gus in Melanie's arms. He shook his head when he saw his son reach for Justin.

"Well, at least I'm not the only Kinney man who can't stay away from him," he mumbled.

"What?" Lindsay asked, coming up from behind.

"Uh, nothing," he took a glass with juice out of her hands, then looked at Justin again. His lover was playing with his son, a huge smile on his face. That smile could make him do anything. "I think we'll be going now," Brian said to Lindsay, handing the glass back to her, then walking over to his lover and his son.

~~~

Brian lay on his bed, staring up at the blonde who was sitting on top of him.

"If you get any of it on the bed I'm gonna kill you," Brian said.

Justin just grinned back at him, taking a spoon-full of ice cream out of the carton. He slowly put the spoon in his mouth, then leaned in and kissed Brian. Pulling away, Justin held the spoon over Brian's chest letting the now a bit melted ice cream to drip down. Brian gasped at the feel of a cold fluid against his warm body. He watched Justin move the spoon down his body, dripping the white substance down his chest and stomach. His cock grew even harder when he felt Justin's tongue licking up his body. "Mmmm. This is the best way to eat ice-cream," Justin concluded as soon as his tongue reached Brian's collar bone. He kissed up and down Brian's neck and face, avoiding his lips.

Brian grabbed his head and pulled him down for a kiss only to have Justin wiggle his way out of his hold. The little twat just grinned at him again. "Patience, old man." He reached for the carton of ice-cream again, taking another spoon full of the cold sweet substance and dripping it down Brian's stomach again. Brian closed his eyes and moaned. He felt the ice cream on his hips and thighs, then he felt Justin's tongue tracing the same areas. When the ice cream was licked away, the process was repeated.

Brian's eyes shot wide open when he felt the cold drip down just below his belly button. He panicked when he saw a mischievous look on Justin's face. "Don't even think about THAT!" he ordered as Justin held the spoon over his penis. Justin lowered the spoon. "Justin!" He gave out another moan when he felt Justin's hand on his dick, slightly pulling on it. Brian closed his eyes, not caring anymore what the kid had planned as long as he didn't stop what he was doing. Brian shivered when he felt Justin's warm mouth engulf his cock. "Don't…stop," was all he was able to mutter. He moaned loudly as Justin brought him to climax.

He opened his eyes as soon as he was able to catch his breath only to see a pair of the most beautiful blue ones staring back at him. Justin held out a spoon in front of him. "Last one," he whispered. Before Brian could say anything Justin licked the contents of the spoon and then leaned in and kissed the older man, sharing the taste of ice cream and the taste of Brian with him.

Breathless, Brian pulled away just a bit. Then in one swift move he rolled Justin over on his back so now he was on top of the younger man. He pinned the blonde's hands over his head.

"It's payback time," he whispered as he leaned in to kiss Justin's lips.

~~~

"We really should get out now," Brian said. For the second time tonight they tried to get out of the shower.

Justin smiled at him and nodded. They were both exhausted. He got out of the shower stall first and picked up the two towels that they used a little earlier off the floor. "They're soaked."

"I guess we'll just have to go wet," Brian smiled.

"Oh, no, I'm not catching pneumonia. I'm gonna get us dry towels," Justin said, walking out of the bathroom.

When about five minutes later Justin still didn't show up with the towels, Brian went in search of his lost lover. He found him sitting on the bed.

"I thought you were getting towels," he said, coming up closer.

Justin looked up at him, then held out something in front of him. "Where did you get this?" He turned the object in his hands so that Brian could see what it was. It was the drawing he purchased at the art show.

Brian shrugged, "It was a few months ago. They had an art show at the GLC. I thought it looked like…"

"You?" Justin finished for him.

Brian stared at him confused, trying to figure out why some drawing got Justin upset. And then he remembered the name of the artist. Justin Taylor. He never made the connection before. How could he? "Yeah," he said, staring at the drawing.

He walked around the bed, grabbing his jeans and pulling them on quickly. "That doesn't make any sense. It can't be me. The show was months ago. Months before the prom. Months before we met."

"But it is. It is you."

"How?" Brian demanded.

"I had a dream," Justin simply said.

"What?"

"A dream. I dreamed it. You. Here. In THIS bed. Under THESE blue lights. I dreamed it. I woke up in the middle of the night because I just HAD to draw it."

Brian shook his head, "Maybe you've seen me somewhere before."

"No."

"We must have met before the prom."

"Don't you think I would have remembered?" Justin asked him.

"There has got to be an explanation," Brian walked down the stairs and into the living room.

Justin pulled on his pants and shirt as well and then followed him.

"There's gotta be an explanation," Brian said again when he saw Justin staring at him.

"Which is?"

"I don't…I don't know. Something."

"Maybe we met in another life," Justin joked.

Brian smiled at first, but then he remembered all of the visions he had of this young man before he ever met him. "No," he shook his head. "There has to be an explanation."

"Maybe it was just meant to be. Like you were meant to save me that night. We were meant to meet," Justin said, this time completely serious.

"That's bullshit. The whole fate and destiny thing is bullshit," Brian growled.

"Then how do you explain this?" Justin held his drawing in front of him. "How do you explain me still being here?"

"What?"

"Oh, come on, Brian. EVERYBODY knows that you don't do anybody twice. You DON'T let anybody into your life. But I AM still HERE."

"Maybe it's time you left," Brian said angrily.

"I know this is scary, Brian. I'm scared too."

"I am NOT scared."

"The fuck you're not!" Justin shouted. "You're fucking terrified of anything even resembling a relationship."

"You said ALL you WANTED was JUST a FUCK!" Brian shouted back at him.

"I meant it."

"Then why the FUCK are we having this conversation?!"

"Because of THIS!!!" Justin threw the drawing on the couch in front of Brian.

"It's just a fucking drawing."

"A drawing I did of YOU before I ever MET you."

"This is bullshit," Brian said again, turning around. He wanted out of this argument NOW.

"How did you know my name, Brian?" Justin asked quietly.

"What?" Brian turned around and looked at him confused.

"In the parking garage the night you saved me. You called out my name. That's why I turned around and saw Hobbs coming after me," Justin explained. "How did you know my name?"

Brian felt like all the air got sucked out of the room. He stared back at the young man not having an answer for him. He couldn't tell him that he saw him getting bashed…he saw himself running after him…screaming his name at the top of his lungs. He couldn't explain any of it. And he hated this. How did things get so fucked up so fucking fast? A one-night stand turned into something he couldn't explain. "I think it's time for you to leave," he said with no emotion evident on his face or in his voice.

Justin knew that this was the end of it. Brian put up a wall and there was no way he could get through it. He took a few steps closer to the older man and looked him in the eyes. "It means something. And you know it. Just like you know that I'll be back here again. Because we're drawn to each other. Because you can't stay away from me just like I can't stay away from you."

"I said…Get…Out." Brian clenched his jaw, trying to contain his anger.

Justin nodded and without another word he left the loft.

When he heard the door slam shut, Brian dared to look down at the drawing still lying in the same spot where Justin threw it. He picked it up, staring at the lines and shades that populated the sheet of paper. What did it all mean?

***

"So, how long has it been?" Nicholas asked as he handed Justin a bottle of beer from his fridge.

Justin shrugged, "A week." Six days to be exact. He put the bottle to his lips and took a chug.

Nicholas sat down next to him on the couch. "How could you possibly not see him for a whole week? I mean, he comes into the diner every morning. And Woody's. And Babylon."

"Well…"

"You've been avoiding him," Nicholas realized.

Justin looked at him, then away. "I just didn't know what to say to him if…when…I did see him. It's gotten so fucked up." He leaned against the couch and closed his eyes, running his free hand through his hair.

Nick just looked at him sympathetically.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way. It was supposed to be casual. We fuck and that's all," Justin said, which caused his friend to snicker. "What?" Justin asked, taken aback by Nick's reaction.

"Nothing," Nick tried to cover up the smile on his face.

"Why the fuck are you laughing?" Justin was getting angry now.

"It's just that…casual? Come on, Justin. I mean, I know you're blonde and everything but you did score fifteen hundred on your SATs. You should know better than that." When Justin stared at him even more confused, Nicholas continued. "It was never casual to begin with. He saved your life, for God's sakes."

"Yeah, but…"

"But nothing. It's been that way since the beginning. You hang out with his friends. You work with his best friend's mother. You even baby-sit his son."

"It doesn't mean anything," Justin said, shaking his head.

"Of course it does. How many times have you slept with him?"

Justin looked away, shrugging his shoulders.

"My point exactly."

"I just…I shouldn't have pushed about the stupid drawing. I mean, he's right. It's just one big coincidence," Justin said, taking another sip of his beer.

"Oh, come on. It's so much more than just a coincidence. And he knows it just as well as you do. That's why he freaked. Because it means something…something that he can't explain…something that he can't control. And it scares him."

Justin chuckled, "He IS a control freak."

Nicholas laughed as well. "If he's too fucking afraid to face the truth, then fuck him. You can do better."

Justin's only response was a snicker.

"So, come on. Stop moping around because we're going out," Nicholas took Justin's beer and pulled the younger man up.

"What about Kevin?" Justin asked.

"Fuck him," Nicholas said, going into the kitchen and throwing two bottles of beer in the garbage.

"You had a fight AGAIN?" Justin asked, walking over to him.

"Honey, we always fight. No big deal."

"Yeah, but you've already filled your quota for this week."

Nicholas smiled at him.

"So, what was the fight about this time?" Justin prodded.

Nick looked at him for a moment, then looked away, busying himself with wiping some imaginary stain off the counter. And Justin understood. "Oh. Caleb told him, didn't he?"

Nicholas finally looked up at him, nodding his head.

Justin sighed. "Great. Now I'm causing problems for you too." He felt horrible. Hurting Caleb again was bad enough. But now he was creating problems for Nick as well.

"You're NOT causing problems," Nicholas walked over to him, putting his arms around his friend. "You're not."

"But you had a fight about me." Justin tried to pull away, but Nick held him firmly in place, hugging him closer.

"It wasn't about you. Kev and I had a difference of opinions. I told him mine, he didn't agree. We'll make up. Always do. No big deal, ok?" Nick gave Justin one last squeeze and then finally let go. "I don't want you to worry about this, ok?"

Justin sighed again, but nodded.

Nicholas smiled at him. "Good. Now, what do you say about going to Babylon and shaking our booty?"

~~~

Finding out from Ted and Emmett that Brian was in the club, Michael quickly made his way through the crowd in search of his best friend. He spotted him right away; on the catwalk, scanning the crowd in the usual Brian Kinney manner. Michael walked up to him and tapped him lightly on the shoulder.

"Hey, Mikey," Brian smiled slightly, turning to his friend.

"That's all you have to say? I've been gone for six weeks and you only returned my calls maybe twice."

Michael went on and on complaining about Brian's neglect, not noticing that his best friend was paying no attention to him. Brian's eyes were fixed on a hot blonde twink in the middle of the dance floor. He hasn't laid eyes on him since that night. He avoided the diner for the first few days. But when he finally made it there he found out from Debbie that "Sunshine took the week off for freshman orientation in college." A part of him was relieved. But it was a very small part. After a couple of days he started to miss him. So he looked for him…at Woody's, at Babylon. But it was as if the artist just dropped off the face of the earth. He even picked up a phone a number of times, tempted to call Justin, but he always hung up at the last minute.

He finally found him now and Brian made his decision. "See you later, Mikey," Brian said, walking past his best friend and down the stairs toward the dance floor. "When am I gonna see you?" he heard behind him. He ignored Michael's whine. All he cared about right now was getting to Justin.

"Hey," he said, finally reaching the blonde and the guy he was dancing with at the moment.

"Hey," Justin said coolly. He was delirious that Brian made the first move, but he knew he couldn't show it. At least, not yet.

Brian turned to Justin's dance partner who was still standing next to them. "Do you fucking mind?" Brian growled at him. The guy couldn't get away from him fast enough.

Justin bit his lip to cover up the laughter.

"Do you have plans for tonight?" Brian asked, turning back to him.

Raising his brows, Justin pretended to think about it. He knew that this was as close to apology as he would get from Brian. He just stared at the taller man. Making Brian squirm just for a moment was more fun than he could have imagined. "I did. But since you scared him off, you're just gonna have to do."

They stared at each other. Justin finally let a small smile spread across his lips. Smiling as well, Brian grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the exit, only stopping long enough for Justin to say good-bye to Nicholas.

~~~

Brian pressed Justin against the shower stall, attacking his mouth with his own. Then he moved down to Justin's neck.

"I'm gonna be late for my shift," Justin was finally able to say, breathless.

"I'm drying you off," Brian said making the teen giggle.

Justin let Brian get back to the task at hand figuring that this would be worth a second asshole Deb was sure to rip him. But just as he felt Brian move down his body they heard a loud knock on the door.

"Aren't you gonna answer that?" Justin asked his lover.

"Fuck `em," was Brian's reply.

But the knocking persisted.

Brian groaned as he straightened up. Justin smiled at him. Receiving one last kiss from the beautiful boy in his shower, Brian got out of the stall, pulled a pair of jeans from the floor, and went to open the door.

"Hold your fucking horses," Brian yelled out as he reached the door. He barely opened the door when his best friend flew past him and into the dining room, dropping into one of the chairs.

"I left you a bunch of messages and you didn't call me back," Michael whined as he took in Brian's appearance. The only thing he was wearing was a pair of faded jeans that had fallen down to his hips because they were unbuttoned.

"I've been busy," Brian said, trying to control his annoyance at being interrupted.

"With what? Fucking everybody in the state of Pennsylvania?" Michael averted his gaze when Brian finally started to slowly button up his jeans.

"You know me too well," Brian replied. He went to the fridge and pulled out a couple of beers. He handed one to Michael, then unscrewed his cap and took a gulp. "You want anything?"

Michael shook his head, "I'm never eating again. My mother practically force fed me the entire Liberty Diner menu."

"Well, who told you to eat it?" Brian asked, taking another sip of his beer.

"You know it makes…"

"Brian, I can't find my underwear."

They both turned to see a blonde standing at the top of the stairs, a towel wrapped around his hips.

Brian silently cursed once again wishing he could get rid of Michael and go back to what they were doing before they were so rudely interrupted.

"Oh…uhm…hi," Justin looked a little embarrassed. Then he seemed to recognize the man sitting in the dining room. "You're Michael, right? Debbie's son?"

"You know my mother?"

"I work with her," Justin explained.

"Justin works at the diner," Brian said, turning to his friend.

"What?" Michael couldn't believe it. The night before Emmett and Ted told him about some blonde twink that Brian seemed to spend a lot of time with. Emmett went on and on about how romantic it was, how Brian saved Justin's life. How Brian was Justin's knight in shining armor and now they were going to ride off into the sunset together. Of course Michael didn't believe any of that. Who would know Brian better than his best friend? And Michael knew that Brian didn't do anybody more than once. He definitely didn't do relationships or boyfriends. And he absolutely did NOT do riding off into the sunset. He was sure it was all nonsense and Emmett's over-romantic fantasies. But now that he was staring back at the young man, the same one that Brian ditched him for the night before, he began to have doubts. "How did that happen?"

Justin shrugged, "I was at the diner with Brian and asked if they needed more help. They did." Turning to Brian he added, "And I still can't find my underwear."

"What do you want me to do about that?" Brian asked, trying to sound annoyed, but failing miserably, a small smirk spreading on his lips.

"Uhm, since you're the one who took them off, I suggest you find them," Justin shot back.

Brian bit both of his lips in order not to laugh not only at Justin's comment but also at the look on Michael's face. Instead of saying anything back, he headed into the bedroom to look for Justin's underwear while Justin still stood in the same spot staring back at Michael.

"So, how was Portland?" he asked, trying to make small talk.

Michael's eyes just got wider, "How did you know about that?"

"Your mom told me. And Brian." Justin looked at him confused, trying to figure out what the hell the man's problem was.

"Here," Brian pushed the underwear into Justin's hand and walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. Justin grinned at Michael one last time, moving into the privacy of the bedroom to get dressed.

Michael jumped up and practically ran up to Brian who was still sipping on his beer, leaning on the kitchen counter. "Since when do you get your tricks jobs?"

"What?!" Brian felt anger rise up in him, but it quickly subsided as soon as he saw Justin walk down the stairs. Justin glanced at the two men, then opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water.

"Brian, can we talk?" Michael asked, looking up at the taller man.

"Talk," Brian shrugged, trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with his friend.

"In private." Michael looked at Justin then back at Brian.

"Michael," Brian began to object but Justin cut him off. "It's ok. I gotta go anyway. Late for my shift." He put down the bottle of Evian and walked over to Brian. He glanced at Michael who was giving him the evil eye. It finally hit him what the other man's problem with him was. He smiled at Michael, then turned to Brian. Putting a hand on Brian's neck, he pulled him down for a long passionate kiss. When they finally pulled apart both of them were breathless. Justin licked his lips, looked over at where Michael stood ready to explode, and smiled. "See you around." Then he turned to Brian, placing a small kiss on the man's lips. "Later."

Brian watched the blonde walk away from him and smiled, "Later."

When he heard the door slide closed he turned to his best friend once again.

~~~

Later that evening Brian was still listening to Michael's whining about him not calling and how boring his life with David was. Brian let Michael rant while he scanned the crowd at Woody's for a potential fuck.

"Brian," he heard Michael trying to get his attention.

"Hmm?" he finally turned back to his friend.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Yeah…read and music…got it," Brian said, his gaze traveling over to a group of men across the room.

"I'm gonna get another drink. You want anything?" Michael stood up and waited for his friend's reply.

"Uhm…" Just then his eyes fell upon a hot blonde twink in jeans and blue t-shirt who had just walked through the door. That's exactly what he wanted. "Uh…yeah…a beer," he finally said.

Justin saw Michael walk toward the bar as he made his own way to the table where Brian was sitting, staring back at him. "Hey," he said with a smile.

"Hey yourself," Brian replied. He grabbed Justin's hand and pulled him in closer, his mouth finding Justin's immediately. "Shift over?"

"Two hours ago. Got bored at home." Justin explained.

Michael paid for two beers and turned around to carry them back to their table. He stopped cold in his tracks when he saw Brian walk out the door with the same blonde twink he met this afternoon.

"Briiiiiiaaaaaan!"

~~~

"You want some cake?" Justin asked, putting a small plastic box on the kitchen counter.

Brian snorted out a laugh, "You baked a cake?" He walked over to the chaise chair and sat down in it, admiring Justin's gorgeous bubble butt.

"My mom did," Justin said without turning around, busy taking out a slice of cake and placing it on a plate.

"You stole a cake from your mom?" Brian chuckled.

"No," Justin smiled and shook his head. "She gave it to me."

Brian looked at his lover suspiciously. "Your mother gave you a cake so you'd bring it to your…to me?"

"Yeah," Justin replied as if it was no big deal. He walked over to the chaise. Throwing his left leg over it, he straddled Brian. "She says you're too skinny. I told her you were always skinny, even when you were in high school."

"You don't know what I looked like in high school," Brian replied, unable to hide the smile.

"I had dinner at Debbie's last week. She showed me all of Michael's pictures. Pictures of you." He dangled a piece of cake in front of Brian's face. Brian took the piece of cake with Justin's fingers into his mouth. He grew instantly hard at the sight of Justin's smile.

***

"Hi, guys," Justin said, bringing three glasses of water over to the table. He flashed his patented smile at Emmett who blew him a kiss. Taking out his order pad he asked them, "You know what you're gonna have?"

"Yes, I'll have the cheeseburger and fries. Oh, and a Coke," Emmett said, smiling back at Justin.

"I'll just have the usual," Ted said, closing the menu.

"What about you?" he looked down at Michael.

Without even looking up, Michael mumbled, "I need a minute."

Justin glanced over at Emmett who shrugged his shoulders. "Oookaay," Justin said, putting his pen and the pad back into his pocket.

"What is your problem, Michael?" Emmett asked when he thought Justin was out of hearing distance.

"What do you mean?" Michael closed the menu and put it down on the table.

"I mean your problem with Justin. The boy is nothing but nice to you and you treat him like crap," Emmett chastised him.

"I just don't like what he's doing to Brian," Michael said.

"You mean, what Brian's doing to him, don't you?" Ted decided to add his five cents.

Ignoring Ted, Emmett continued, "And what pray tell is he doing to Brian? He makes him happy. They like spending time together. What's wrong with that?"

"It's not Brian," Michael replied.

"I'm pretty sure it was Brian who fucked me within an inch of my life last night," Justin said as-a-matter-of-factly, putting two glasses of Coke on the table. "And it was DEFINITELY Brian who sucked me off in the shower this morning." Justin stared down at Michael.

Emmett and Ted looked at the teen amazed not only at Justin's blatancy, but also at the information about his and Brian's sex life. Michael tried to look anywhere else but Justin.

"Are you gonna order?" Justin asked him.

"Fries," Michael mumbled.

Justin left and came back a couple minutes later with another order of fries.

Emmett looked at Michael who looked like he was about to explode. "So, where is the devil?" he asked.

Michael shook his head. "I don't know. Work, I guess."

"He's at Lindsay's. Helping her build a swing set for Gus's birthday party," Justin offered the information.

Michael stared daggers at him, but Justin just flashed him another smile, turned around, and walked off to take an order from another table.

~~~

Justin decided to back off a little bit, giving Michael some time with Brian. He knew that Michael meant a lot to Brian. And he understood why the brunette was giving him a hard time. He was jealous. Jealous that Justin was able to achieve in a few short months what he wasn't able to do in sixteen years. He couldn't blame him. They were talking about Brian here after all. So tonight instead of the usual dancing and fucking with Brian, Justin made plans with Daphne to go to Woody's. They got a couple of drinks and found a table in the corner of the bar, just talking and scanning the crowd.

"So, are you gonna go to the party?" Daphne asked him.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I mean, I should, right? Lindsay invited me. She said I'm Gus's favorite baby-sitter," he smiled. He absolutely adored the little boy and Gus took to him immediately.

"You should. If Michael can't deal with it, that's HIS problem," Daphne replied.

"Yeah, but he's Brian's best friend. I don't want to cause any problems." He sighed. "I don't get what the big deal is. I mean, it's not like Brian's ever going to fuck him, you know. And that's all we do."

He ignored Daphne rolling her eyes at him. That's all he ever said when the conversation came to Brian and their non-relationship. He kept telling himself and everybody around him that it was just casual fucking. Fuck buddies. That's all they were. And he wouldn't let anybody else convince him otherwise.

Just then the man in question walked through the door and immediately spotted him.

Brian gave out a sigh of relief when he saw Justin. He strutted over to the two teenagers.

"I thought you said you were gonna meet me at Babylon," he said when he reached their table.

"Didn't feel like it," Justin said coolly, earning a confused look from Brian and an annoyed one from his best friend.

"Hi, Brian," Daphne said instead, smiling at him.

Brian walked around the table and gave her a peck on the cheek, "Hi, darling," causing her smile to widen. Not being able to play it cool, Justin smiled as well as his friend blushed. He looked at Brian and was immediately reminded why he couldn't stay away from the man. He looked gorgeous. He was wearing a red shirt with sleeves rolled up and tight black pants. Stunning. That was the only word to describe Brian right now. He couldn't decide what he wanted more…for Brian to fuck him or to be able to capture the way the ad exec looked at that moment. Justin settled for the former. But then he reminded himself why he decided to stay away from Brian tonight, frowning once again.

"I'm gonna go get another drink," Daphne said, jumping off the stool.

When she disappeared in the crowd, Brian took her seat. "So, what the hell is going on?"

Justin shrugged, "Nothing." He took a sip of his beer. "Where's Michael?"

Brian looked at him confused, "How the fuck should I know? And why the fuck do you care?"

Justin put the bottle down, staring at it for a moment. "I just…have you…I mean…I don't think he likes me very much," he finally said.

"Mikey likes everybody. He's a sweetheart." When Justin made a face at him, he added. "Most of the time."

"Well, he definitely has a problem with me."

Brian shrugged. "So what if he does?"

"He's your best friend," Justin pointed out.

"So?"

Justin looked away once again. Suddenly he felt a hand on his neck. He turned to Brian again.

"It's none of his business who I fuck. It's nobody's business who I fuck," Brian said, then leaned down, covering Justin's lips with his own. He leaned his forehead against Justin's. "Now…can we please go home so I can fuck you? I'm horny as hell."

Justin couldn't help but laugh at him. If Brian didn't care what Michael thought, why should he?

They said good-bye to Daphne and headed out to the Jeep.

~~~

Only when he watched Justin sleep later that night was Brian finally able to relax. All day long he kept seeing flashes and images of a hurt and scared Justin. Images that he couldn't understand. He thought they'd stopped completely. He hadn't had that many of them since he met the young artist. Thinking back, he realized that meeting Justin fixed whatever it was that he changed, according to Mysterious Marilyn. That explained the lack of visions. At least that's what he believed. But now they started coming again. And they were more intense than ever before. He wanted, no, needed explanations about what was going on. Quietly, he got dressed and left the loft in search of the only person he knew who could explain any of it.

Even though it was late, he found Mysterious Marilyn at the first place he knew to look…Woody's.

"So now you believe it?" she asked him before he said a word.

"I want to know what's going on," he said, instead of answering her question. "What's happening to me?"

"I told you, you…"

"Changed something. I know. I want to know what. What did I change? What do those visions mean?"

Mysterious Marilyn smiled at him. "I can't tell you that, honey."

"Why not?"

"Because it's something you're going to have to figure out for yourself."

Brian rubbed his neck, feeling a headache coming on.

"And I think you already have. At least some of it."

Brian sighed, exasperated. He was at the end of his rope. He needed to know what it all meant. He needed answers. Why he and Justin were linked together. He admitted it now. The drawing…knowing Justin's name…all of it…they were linked. But how? Why? He desperately needed to know. "Justin."

She nodded. "He's the key to it all."

"How? He has no idea what's going on. When he found that drawing…he…he was even more baffled by it than I was."

"Somehow he will lead you to the answer."

"Which is?"

Mysterious Marilyn smiled again. "YOU are the only one who knows."

~~~

To Brian's surprise the birthday party wasn't as bad as he imagined it would be. For the most part he stayed on the sidelines, letting the munchers run the show. He smiled, taking everything around him in, locking this particular memory away in a special place. His son's first birthday.

"What are you smiling about?"

He turned to Justin who stood behind him with two pieces of cake on a plate. "More cake?" he smirked, causing the blonde to grin, both of them remembering the evening they spent eating cake and fucking on the chaise. "Not in front of the impressionable youth," he pointed at the group of kids all over Lindsay's front yard.

"I guess I'll just have to eat it all by myself," Justin said, slowly licking his finger.

Brian bit his lower lip. He felt his cock stirring in his jeans. He looked over at Lindsay and Melanie. He just had to hold off until they opened all the presents and then they could leave. Justin gave him a small kiss, then walked down the stairs and joined Emmett and Ted with helping the moms open up presents.

*Your son's gonna be a baseball player*

*Yeah, well, If you make a man out of him I'm gonna hold you personally responsible.*

*JUSTIN!*

Brian shook his head, trying to get these images out of his head, but they just kept coming.

*I remembered walking away and suddenly hearing your voice call my name.*

*I want you inside me.*

Brian stood up quickly, running his hands through his hair, trying to clear his head.

"Brian." He turned around when he heard Lindsay's voice. "Your son's gonna be a baseball player."

Brian just stared at them all, smiling at Gus waving the yellow plastic baseball bat. He felt like he was going to be sick. He had to get out of here. Fast. He walked down the stairs and toward his Jeep.

"Brian…Brian!"

He stopped and turned around.

"Where are you going?" Justin asked, running up to him. "Gus hasn't opened all of the presents yet."

Brian glanced at his son sitting on Lindsay's lap. He turned his gaze to the blonde in front of him. "Let's get out of here."

Without a second thought Justin nodded and got in the passenger seat.

~~~

Brian unplugged the phone and then went to the kitchen to get a bottle of beer. Throwing away the cap he turned around and made his way into the bedroom. The loft was completely dark except for the blue lights over his bed. He stopped at the top of the stairs, looking down at the blonde on the edge of his bed, waiting for him patiently.

The moment he saw Brian dash for the Jeep Justin knew that something was wrong. That was the reason he got in the Jeep without even saying good-bye to everybody at the party. The drive to the loft was quiet. And when they got there Brian headed straight for the bottle of Jim Beam. Justin was dying to know what was wrong and how he could help, but he knew that he should just let Brian deal with it in his own way and just be there for him when he needed him. So, he stayed in the bedroom and waited.

*I want you inside me.*

*Are you sure?*

*Yeah. Just take it easy.*

*Like the first time?*

Brian stared down at Justin, but all he saw was the two of them…on this bed…together…making love. That's what it was. They were making love.

Justin stood up and slowly walked over to him. Standing close to Brian, he looked into his eyes. "I want you inside me," he whispered.

Brian's eyes widened as he took a step back from his lover.

"Brian?"

*You changed something. Something big.*

Justin took another step closer to him, cupping Brian's face in his hands. "Brian, what's wrong?"

Brian looked down, staring into a pair of intensely blue eyes. He knew that he had done this before. Felt this before. Everything he was feeling right now for this boy…this man standing next to him. He felt it before. And whatever the visions meant…whatever he changed…at this point it didn't matter…not anymore. The only thing that mattered was what he saw in two blue oceans staring back at him. He leaned down, capturing Justin's lips with his own.

That night they made love for the first time.

***

"Justin…JUSTIN," Brian tried to shake the screaming teen awake.

Justin sat up with a start, gasping for air, his whole body shaking all over. He looked around trying to figure out where he was. If it was still a dream or a reality, although he wasn't sure what was the reality anymore.

"Are you ok?" Brian placed a hand on Justin's shoulder. Feeling the other man's trembling body he pulled Justin closer to him. "Shhhh. It's ok. It's only a dream. It was only a dream," he repeated over and over again, hoping the sound of his voice would be able to calm the young man.

Instead, Justin pulled away from him. "No, don't."

"Justin…" He moved closer to the trembling blonde. "It's just a nightmare. You're ok. You're safe."

Justin shook his head, frantically trying to catch his breath. "DON'T." He held out his hand in front of him to stop Brian from getting closer.

"Don't what?" Brian looked at him confused. "What? What did you see? What was it about?"

Justin swallowed hard and looked around the bedroom, starting to calm down a bit. "Nothing."

"Come on. Tell me."

Justin looked back at him. "Us," he finally said. "I saw us…dancing. Dressed up. Tuxes. The whole deal." He turned around on the bed, his back turned to Brian. "And you…you had that…that scarf…the white one…the one you wrapped my arm in…that night." Not seeing the astonished look on Brian's face, Justin continued, "We were dancing. It was so beautiful. The two of us…just us…we were amazing. But then…then Chris Hobbs…he came after me with the bat…and…" Justin felt his whole body shiver as the image of the bat striking his head ran through his mind again. "He hit me. The bat…he hit me. I can still…I can feel it…I can hear…remember…everything…your voice…the bat…everything. And then all I could see was that scarf…but it wasn't white anymore…now it was covered in…"

"Blood."

Justin turned around and the two of them stared at each other. Brian did not trust himself to speak. Justin described the vision that had been haunting him since that night in the parking garage. Brian felt frozen, unable to move, unable to speak.

"How did…" And Justin saw it. He saw it in his face. That somehow Brian knew exactly what he was talking about. His eyes widened. "You saw it." It was a statement rather than a question. "You've seen it before." He stood up, but his eyes ever

wavered from the older man on the bed. "That's…that's how you knew…that's how you saved me." When Brian looked away Justin knew that he had his answer.

Justin felt his body begin to tremble again. "What is happening to me?" he whispered, desperate for an explanation, but received no response from Brian.

Justin frantically started to pull his clothes on.

"Justin," Brian finally found his voice. "What are you doing? Come back to bed."

"I have to go."

Brian made himself move, putting his hand on Justin's arm, but Justin pushed it away as if it burned him. "It was just a dream," he said, but Justin shook his head. "It was just a fucking dream!"

"Like this was just a dream?" Justin pointed at the drawing that Brian purchased at GLC that now found its permanent place on the dresser in the bedroom.

"Justin, it's four in the morning and it's pouring outside. At least let me give you a ride." He started to get out of bed but Justin stopped him.

"No…I just…I have…I have to go." He shot one last glance at his lover and then made a dash line across the loft to the door.

Brian ran a hand through his hair when he heard the door slide shut. He rubbed his neck, trying to massage away the building tension. He wanted to storm Mysterious Marilyn's apartment and demand an answer to what the hell it all meant, but he knew that it wouldn't accomplish anything. She made it perfectly clear that HE was the one who would have to find his way to the truth. He got out of bed and walked over to the closet. Opening it up, he reached for a plastic bag on the top shelf. Then he went back to the bed. Sitting on the edge of it, he reached and pulled out a familiar object out of the bag. The blood-stained scarf.

~~~

"What do you think about this one?" Nicholas asked, holding up a shirt in front of Justin who just shrugged in response. "You're NOT helping," Nick said, "I have to find something stunning for the parade."

"Sorry," Justin said quietly.

Nick put the shirt back on the rack and turned his full attention to his friend. "What's wrong?"

"Hmm?" Justin looked up at him, realizing that Nicholas just asked him a question. "Oh, nothing. Just didn't get much sleep last night, that's all."

"Brian kept you up all night? You know, I wouldn't complain about THAT, blondie."

Justin smirked, "Fuck you."

"Love you too, baby." Nicholas flashed him a huge smile.

Justin squeezed out a smile in return.

"So, you two going together?" Nick asked.

"Where?"

"To the parade, of course."

"Yeah," Justin scoffed, "I don't think so. Besides, I'm marching with my mom. Deb got her involved in PFLAG and she insists I participate too. It's crazy. As if one mother wasn't enough. Now I have two."

Nicholas frowned at Justin's attempt to change the subject. "Did you two have a fight?"

"With my mom?"

Nick gave him a look that said, `you know exactly what I'm talking about.'

Justin shook his head. "We don't fight. We have nothing to fight about."

Nick rolled his eyes, "If you give me that whole `we're not in a relationship' crap I'm gonna beat you senseless."

Justin's only reply was a sigh.

"So, what's wrong?" Nick prodded again.

Justin shrugged his shoulders. How could he even begin to explain? "We've been spending way too much time with each other as it is. I just think it'd be good for both of us to cool it for awhile."

Nicholas sighed, realizing that he wouldn't get anywhere on this issue with Justin right now. "So, why don't you come out with us then?"

"Us? As in Kevin and Caleb US?"

"Yeah."

"Please, tell me you're kidding?"

"Look, I promise that Kevin will be on his best behavior. And it's not like you and Caleb haven't seen each other since the break up."

Justin stared at him. "Yeah, that's exactly the problem."

Nicholas went over to his friend and put an arm around him. "Caleb's ok. It's been a few months. It's time to move on. He knows it. I'm sure he'd love to see you."

"Nick…"

"Ok, how about this. The three of us are going to Babylon tonight. How about you meet us there. We'll see how that goes."

Justin sighed again. "Do I even have a choice?"

Nick smiled, "That's the spirit." He walked over and picked out the same shirt he held in his hands before. "So, what do you think of this one?"

~~~

He knew it was a mistake to come here tonight, but he had made a promise to Nick. He scanned the crowd, immediately finding the one man he wanted to avoid at all costs. He held Brian's gaze for a moment, then looked away, searching for Nicholas.

"Justin!" He turned to the right to see Nick, Kevin, and Caleb standing near one of the stairs.

When he came over to them Nicholas gave his friend a big hug. Justin tried to smile when he looked at Caleb. "Hi."

To his surprise Caleb smiled back at him. "Hi. How are you?"

Justin looked in Brian's direction again. "Uhm…fine," he replied turning back to the group. "You?"

Caleb noticed Justin glancing over at Brian. "Good."

The four of them looked very uncomfortable around each other and Justin decided that since he had kept his promise to Nick, he was now free to leave. "Well, see you guys later," he said, flashing a smile at the three of them and turning to leave before Nick could object. He made his way through the dance floor with full intention on leaving. He felt somebody grab his hand and stopped. A brunette was staring back him with a big smile on his face. "Wanna dance?"

Justin looked at Brian who now had at least two guys cruising him. "Sure."

Brian watched Justin do a mating dance with some twink on the dance floor and he felt himself getting angry. All day long all he could think of was the look on Justin's face the night before. He was worried about him. Whether Justin was ok or not. He knew first hand how frightening those dreams and visions could be. He even called the young artist a couple of times today. He wanted to make sure Justin was alright. It was obvious that he was. "Fuck this." Brian looked over at one of the guys that had been hanging around him ever since he got here. He took the guy's hand and pulled him into the backroom.

~~~

Surprisingly enough he actually had a good time and enjoyed marching with his mother and other members of PFLAG. He felt relaxed for the first time in a couple of days since he knew he wouldn't run into Brian at the parade. It just wasn't Brian's style. The highlight of the parade was seeing Michael in drag. He just couldn't stop laughing when he saw Michael stumbling all over the place in high heels.

Saying good-bye to Jennifer and Debbie he decided to unwind a bit and headed to Woody's. But as soon as he walked in his whole body tensed up. Brian was on the opposite side of the bar with Ted, Emmett, and Michael. He knew that it was too late to turn around and leave because Brian noticed him right away. So he strutted over to the bar and ordered a drink…a shot of tequila. He needed something that would make his body stop shaking. He drowned the shot and ordered another one while sipping on a beer as well. The bartender put another shot of tequila in front of him, but just when he tried to pick it up he saw a hand over it.

"I think it's enough," Caleb said, moving the shot glass away from Justin.

Justin scoffed. "I don't need a fucking lecture, Cale."

"No? What do you need then?"

"My fucking drink back." He reached for the shot glass, but Caleb pushed it away even further.

When Justin settled back down on the barstool, Caleb put the shot glass down. "So, you wanna tell me what the hell's going on?"

Justin shook his head, feeling the buzz. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"Bullshit. I saw you last night at Babylon…both of you…fucking and drinking."

"I don't think it's your job to watch over me anymore, Cale." Justin tried to get up, but Caleb pushed him back down, determined to make Justin listen to everything he had to say.

"It's not you, Justin. The fucking and the drinking…it's not you."

Justin chuckled. "Of course it's me. That's how I lost you, remember."

"Is that what you're trying to do? Lose him?"

Justin shook his head again. "See how much you know? I never had him."

Caleb looked at Brian and caught him staring back at the two of them. "Of course you did. You DO. He wants you."

"Yeah. Wants to fuck me."

"No. He wants YOU. You can see it in his eyes. The way he looks at you. Just like you want him."

Justin was beginning to get annoyed by this conversation. "Look, if I wanted a relationship, I'd be with you." When he saw the hurt look on Caleb's face, his features softened. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

"It's ok," Caleb cut him off. "And you wouldn't be…with me. Because you don't love me. You never did."

"That's not true, Cale. I…"

"Justin, don't. I KNOW. You care. You always will. Just like I'll always care about you, but you NEVER loved me."

Justin looked down and sighed. He hated himself right now for hurting this beautiful young man standing in front of him. "I don't want love. I don't want a relationship."

"What are you so afraid of?"

Justin looked up and stared into the grey eyes of his former lover. He took a deep breath in. "I…I just have this feeling…it's more of a knowledge…like I KNOW that somewhere down the road…he's going to hurt me. So bad I won't be able to breathe. Won't be able to stand straight." Justin looked down at his hands, shaking his head. "I don't think I'd be able to handle that."

Caleb sighed. "If it happens than it happens. You'll survive." He lifted Justin's chin so that the blue eyes would look at him. "It'll hurt…like hell. But you'll survive it. You'll take it one day at a time and the pain will become smaller and smaller. And maybe one day it will go away completely. And then all you'll have left will be the memories. Of being with him. The good things. The good times." Justin's eyes filled with tears. Caleb smiled at him. "And they're worth it. They're worth all the pain you go through."

Justin stood up and pulled the other man into a hug. "Thank you," he whispered.

Brian turned away from his friends before anybody noticed the look on his face after seeing Justin hug his ex-boyfriend. "Well, I'm off," he said after putting his signature nonchalant mask on. He put the beer down and walked out of the bar, trying to get as far from this place as possible.

He walked down the stairs and turned right toward his Jeep. Suddenly he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Hey, stud. You wanna dance?" Justin said when Brian turned around.

The two of them stared at each other for a moment, both trying to figure out where everything stood. Brian glanced over at the crowd on the street. Suddenly an image of the two of them dancing, arms wrapped around each other, flashed through his mind. He wasn't sure whether it was another vision or just his mind showing him what the two of them would look like dancing on the street. And he smiled. Because he didn't care. He took Justin's hand and led him out on the street. Putting arms around each other, they danced to the ABBA song, forgetting the rest of the world around them.

***

"Aaaahhh…Jus…tin….mmmm…."

"Brian…oh…God….aaahhh…"

The two of them collapsed on the bed, panting. When his breathing finally returned to normal, Brian rolled on his back and propped himself up on the pillow. He reached for Justin. "Get over here."

Justin raised himself on his elbow and looked at his lover with a big grin on his face. "That was great."

"Isn't it always?"

Justin's smile widened. He moved closer to Brian and kissed the older man. Then he rolled on the side and sat up.

"Where are you going?" Brian asked when Justin started pulling his jeans on. "It's after two."

"I have to get up early tomorrow and finish packing." Justin stood up and zipped up his pants.

"Packing? Where the fuck are you going?"

Justin snickered. "You never listen to what I say, do you?" He smiled. "School's starting soon. I'm moving to the dorms.

Remember?"

"Oh…right…you're a college man now."

After Justin put his shirt on he walked over to the bed and leaned down, placing a small kiss on Brian's lips. He started to pull away, but Brian grabbed the front of his shirt and held him in place, deepening the kiss.

"Later," Justin whispered when Brian finally allowed him to pull away.

"Later," Brian replied.

~~~

"You know you really didn't have to do this," Justin said, putting a box near what apparently would be his bed. The other side of the room already looked like somebody lived here.

"Honey, what would you rather do? Sit in front of a computer screen all day long? Or help your dear friend move into a college dorm…with college guys…HOT college guys?" Nicholas said, putting Justin's giant bag on the bed.

"Oh, I see, so this has nothing to do with helping me move." Justin pretended to pout.

"You catch on quickly, blondie."

Justin smiled. He looked around. The room wasn't much bigger than his room in his mother's townhouse. It had two beds, two dressers, a closet, a small fridge, and a desk. Just as he wondered what his roommate was like, a tall guy with dark brown hair walked into the room.

"So, you're my roommate, huh?" the guy spoke first.

"Yeah, hi, I'm Justin," he held out his hand.

The guy shook his hand reluctantly, suspiciously looking at Nick. "Dan."

"This is my friend Nicholas," Justin said.

Nicholas just smiled at the other man and Dan nodded.

"Are you a freshman?" Dan asked, flopping down on his bed.

"It's that obvious, huh?" Justin smiled.

Dan shrugged his shoulders. "Just haven't seen you around here before, that's all." His eyes traveled from Justin to Nicholas, then back to Justin. "Are you queer?"

Justin's eye shot up in shock. Both he and Nick stared at him wide-eyed. Dan just chuckled. "Relax. There are so many gays at this school I figured you'd be one."

"Are…are you?" Justin finally found his voice.

Dan shook his head. "Nah. I might as well be, though, since all of my friends are. At least I'd get laid. It's a lot harder to find a willing female."

"Well, I guess I should get going and let you settle in here," Nick finally said. He gave his friend a peck on the cheek, waved to Dan, and made his exit.

"Is he your boyfriend?" Dan asked as soon as the door closed behind Nick.

"No. Just a friend." Justin finally relaxed, sitting down on his bed.

"You have one?"

Justin paused at the question. He looked down at his hands, then back up at Dan. "Nope. Have a girlfriend?"

"Nope. Who needs that shit?"

Justin snickered, "Exactly."

Dan stood up quickly. "You hungry?"

Justin smiled, remembering Brian teasing him about always being hungry. He got up and the two of them made their way out of the room.

~~~

Brian was glad when the trick finally left. He got bored somewhere in the middle of the horrible blowjob the guy was giving him. As soon as he shut the door behind the guy, Brian went into the kitchen and got a bottle of Jim Beam and a glass. Then he walked over and picked up the phone and brought all three objects over to the couch. He put the phone and the glass on the coffee table and poured Jim Beam. Taking a couple of sips, he put the glass down and reached for the phone. He hadn't seen Justin in three days and was starting to feel…different…as if he actually missed him. He missed Justin.

He sighed and dialed the number. Justin picked up on a second ring.

"Hey," Brian said, "Did I wake you?"

"Unfortunately no," Justin said. "What's up?"

"What are you doing?"

"Working on a project."

"School just started. You already have a project?"

"Yeah. The teacher's a total nutcase."

"But you love it."

He could almost hear Justin smiled. "Yeah, I love it. I get to draw all the time. It's what I always wanted. I can't believe I almost gave it up."

"What are you talking about?"

"Uhm…nothing…forget it. So, what's new with you? Fuck any hot guys tonight?"

"One."

"Surprise, surprise," Justin chuckled. "Was he any good?"

"He was ok."

"As good as I am?"

"Well, somebody's got a big ego."

Justin scoffed. "YOU're telling ME I have a big ego?"

"Ok, that's fair. And no. He wasn't as good as you." He couldn't believe he just said that. "In fact he was pretty bad. It was the world's worst fucking blowjob."

He heard Justin laugh on the other end. "I'm glad this is so amusing to you. Any chance you can come by and rectify the situation?"

Justin finally stopped laughing. "I wish I could. But since Dan is out…"

"Dan?"

"Yeah, my roommate. Since he's out banging some girl tonight, I have the room all to myself to work in peace."

Brian sighed, disappointed.

"I promise I'll make it up to you later," Justin said.

"Whatever," Brian tried to sound indifferent, but he could hear Justin chuckle again. He knew the blonde didn't buy his act. "I gotta go."

"Ok. Get some sleep, old man," Justin said, laughing.

"Fuck you."

He hung up after hearing more laughter on the other end.

~~~

The next two weeks Justin spent working, going to classes, doing his homework, hanging out with Dan and his friends, and just generally enjoying college life. He saw Brian only once, not counting seeing the boys during his shifts at the diner. He missed Brian, but the time seemed to fly by.

Tonight Justin got dressed and along with Dan and three of his friends went to Babylon to unwind after a stressful week. The moment he walked inside he searched the crowd for one man in particular. A huge smile spread across his face when his eyes met Brian's.

Brian felt a shiver run down his spine when his eyes landed on the blonde twink who just walked in. He would never admit it but he missed Justin. He knew he couldn't complain, not that he would, because school came first. That was the only important thing right now for Justin. He smiled as he watched his little artiste move through the crowd toward him, but his smile quickly faded when he saw four other men following the blonde.

"Hey," Justin said, grinning from ear to ear.

"Hey yourself," Brian replied, giving Justin a sloppy kiss. "Why aren't you home packing a lunch box for school tomorrow?"

"No class tomorrow," Justin replied.

Brian's eyes traveled to the four men standing behind Justin. Justin quickly remembered his manners and introduced his new friends to Brian's old ones. Ignoring the twinge in the pit of his stomach, Brian turned to Justin once again. "So, why did you decide to grace us with your presence?"

"We're celebrating," Dan butted in.

Brian shot a glance at him, then arched an eyebrow at Justin. "Celebrating?"

"Yeah," Justin smiled, "The dean saw my work and he wants me to enter it in the fall show. I'm the only freshman who has his work in the show."

Brian couldn't remember when was the last time he felt so proud of another person's achievement. He wanted to take Justin in his arms, take him to the loft, and celebrate properly, but just then one of Justin's newest friends pinched his ass as the three of them headed to the dance floor. And Brian felt the pang in his stomach grow. "That's great."

Justin's smile disappeared. He hoped Brian would be happy for him, proud of him. But if it was possible, Brian looked even more nonchalant than usual. He didn't care. Justin felt a lump in his throat. He coughed, trying to get rid of it. "You want…you wanna dance?" he was finally able to ask, hoping Brian wouldn't notice how upset he was.

Brian shook his head, "No." He looked over at a tall buff guy standing by the bar. "Maybe some other time."

"What is the matter with you?" Now Justin was getting angry.

"Nothing. I'm great. I'm perfect. In fact, I'm fabulous."

"I haven't seen you in God knows how long and you…"

"What? What did you expect? That I would sit by the phone missing you? Wait until you get the whole college scene out of your system? Well, I didn't. I didn't miss you. I've been busy with…" he looked over at the guy by the bar again. "Bigger…and better things." He turned away from Justin and made his way toward the bar. Not turning around. Never turning around.

~~~

Brian walked out of the backroom, his eyes scanning the crowd, searching for a certain blonde. He felt like shit the moment he turned and walked away from Justin. But he needed to make a point. He didn't miss Justin. Brian Kinney didn't miss anybody. And now that Justin was nowhere in sight Brian wondered who he was trying to convince of that fact more…Justin? Or himself?

~~~

"What the fuck is his problem?" Justin asked, slumping down on the bed next to Nicholas, a half-empty bottle of scotch in his hand.

"He's a selfish prick," Nick concluded, taking a puff out of a joint. "And he's jealous."

Justin scoffed, "Ha! Like that would ever happen. We're talking about Brian Kinney, remember?" Justin took the joint out of Nick's hand and took a drag, then handed it back. "He thinks that I'm just gonna follow him like some lovesick puppy. That's what he fucking wants." He took another chug out of the bottle.

"Let's be rational here," Nick said, trying to sit up and falling back on the bed. They laughed as Nick tried hard to regain his balance. Finally, giving up, Nick just turned on his side and looked down at Justin who was lying next to him. "He just misses you. That's all."

"Yeah, right," Justin snickered. He felt depressed and lonely. "He didn't even congratulate me."

Nicholas sighed, stroking Justin's hair. "Maybe it's something in the water…lovers suddenly turn into assholes."

Justin looked up at Nick. He didn't even need to ask IF they had a fight anymore. "What was it about this time?"

Nick shrugged, "I asked him to move in."

"You didn't," Justin said, his mouth opening wide. "Oh my God!"

"He said no."

Justin's face fell. "Sorry."

"Yeah."

"I think you're right. It's definitely something in the water," Justin concluded closing his eyes. He relaxed under the feel of Nick's fingers running through his hair. It felt so good. Better than he had felt all evening. His eyes fluttered open and met another pair of blue ones staring back at him. And then he felt Nick's lips on his.

***

He slowly opened his eyes and looked around, trying to figure out where he was. He couldn't remember. It didn't look like his dorm room. And it definitely did not look like Brian's loft. He never stayed over anywhere else. He felt a wave of panic rushing over him when he felt a hand on his back. He turned his head and suddenly he was wide-awake when he saw Nicholas staring at him with the same shocked expression. "Oh, shit!" The events of the night before were a bit blurry for both of them, but the fact that they were naked in bed together told them everything they needed to know. "Shit," Justin said again.

"Oh my God."

The two of them turned their attention toward the door to see a wide-eyed Kevin gaping at the two of them. Kevin stared at Nicholas, a look of betrayal and pain on his face. Then he bolted out of the room.

"Fuck," Nick jumped out of the bed and ran after him. "Kevin! KEVIN!"

Justin plopped down on the pillow, running his hands over his face, trying to process what happened. He still couldn't believe he had done THAT. He opened his eyes when he heard Nick come back into the room. The two of them stared at each other, neither one sure what to say. Finally, Justin sat up and started to pull his clothes on. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Nick walk over and sit on the other side of the bed. Justin wanted to say something…anything…but he was at a loss for words.

"I…uhm…" he cleared his throat, "I gotta go."

Nicholas nodded his head without looking up.

Justin threw one last glance at his friend and then left.

~~~

The moment he stepped inside the diner and laid his eyes on his lover, Brian knew that something was wrong. Justin just seemed off, as if his mind was somewhere else.

"Justin," he called again from his seat at the counter, trying to get the blonde's attention.

"Hmm?" Justin finally looked up at him.

"Did you get that?"

"Uhm…what was your order again?" Justin asked.

Brian repeated himself and watched with concern as Justin placed the order. At first he thought that Justin was still mad at him for blowing him off at Babylon the night before. But Justin had messed up three orders in the last fifteen minutes and it was very unlike him. He watched the teen walk toward him with a plate. Suddenly Justin stopped and stared at the door. His shoulders slumped and his eyes dropped to the floor. Brian turned around and he began to understand why Justin was acting out of the ordinary today. His gaze moved from Justin to Caleb, who stood expectantly at the entrance, back to Justin again. Justin put the plate in front of Brian and without a word headed toward Caleb, the two of them walking out of the diner.

~~~

As soon as they walked around the corner from the diner Justin stopped and finally dared to look up at Caleb.

"So…is it…is it true?" Caleb asked.

"Do you think Kevin would lie about something like that?" He sounded harsher than he meant to.

Caleb looked away. "No, I guess not."

Justin sighed, leaning back on the wall.

"Christ! How could you do it, Justin?!" Caleb exploded suddenly. "He's your friend. Fuck, he's MY friend."

Justin made himself meet Caleb's gaze. "You don't think I know that? It's not like I did it on purpose, Cale. It was a mistake. A big fucking mistake."

Caleb shook his head. "I don't understand. I just…How? Why?"

"We were drunk…and high…and…I don't…I just…he kissed me and the next thing I know I'm waking up with a huge headache and Kevin's storming off."

Caleb sighed. "So, what now? What are you gonna do now?" He almost whispered.

Justin ran his hand through his hair. "I don't…" He shook his head. "I…I have no idea."

~~~

The day only got progressively worse. He was busy as hell throughout the whole shift and then he had an argument with his mother about coming over on the weekend. He felt like the walls were closing in on him and he had to get out. But the moment he walked into Woody's he knew it would only get worse because his eyes immediately landed on the tall man in black by the bar. Deciding that he had nothing to lose and in need of a drink, Justin made his way to the bar and ordered a drink before looking up at Brian.

"So, where is the boyfriend?" Brian asked mockingly.

Justin arched his eyebrows. "Boyfriend?"

"Ca…Cale…" Brian pretended not to remember the name.

"Caleb? He's not my boyfriend."

"Well, you did fuck him, didn't you?"

"I did not fuck Caleb. Where the hell did you get that…" His voice trailed off when his eyes fell on another man walking in through the door. Nicholas called him three times today. Because he had no idea what to say to the other man, Justin chose not to pick up. But now he had no way out. He knew he'd have to talk to his friend about what happened.

Brian followed his gaze and something in the look the two men shared told him all he needed to know. Things couldn't be clearer now. And the twinge in the pit of his stomach grew into a monster. Justin fucked somebody he cared about. Somebody he loved. Somebody he was very close to. Somebody who knew him a lot longer and better than Brian did.

Justin put the drink down and walked over to Nicholas. Just like he did earlier with Caleb, Justin walked out of the bar silently.

~~~

They sat at their usual table by the window in the coffee shop. Nicholas stirred the coffee with his spoon and Justin just sat quietly staring out of the window, watching the cars and people pass by.

"I don't even know what to say," Nick finally said.

Justin moved his gaze over at his friend.

"I…just…I don't know how it happened."

Justin sat up straight in the chair. "It was just a mistake, that's all," he said quietly.

"Right. It doesn't have to mean anything. Or everything."

"Right," Justin nodded.

Nick breathed out a sigh of relief. "I just don't want things to get awkward between us. You're my friend. And I want it to stay that way."

"Me too."

"Good. Good. I don't think…" he looked down at his untouched cup of coffee. "I don't think I could handle losing you AND Kevin at the same time."

"You're not going to lose Kevin," Justin said, assuringly.

A sad smile spread across Nick's face. "I already have."

"What?"

"We broke up," he practically whispered.

Justin took a deep breath in. He didn't think it was possible to feel worse than he already did. "I'm sorry."

Nick shook his head. "It wasn't your fault. I'm the one who kissed you."

"You weren't the alone in that bed."

Nicholas looked down again, trying to fight the tears that threatened to come out at any moment. He looked up when he felt Justin's hand on his.

"You're not going to lose me," Justin said. No matter how awkward or difficult things might get between them, he knew that he needed to be there for his friend.

"Thanks," Nick whispered.

~~~

After his talk with Nick, Justin needed to clear his head, so he just started walking. No particular destination in mind. He wasn't completely sure how he ended up in front of Brian's building or why. A voice in his head told him to turn around and leave. Brian had been acting like an asshole for the past couple of days and that was not what he wanted right now. But he needed Brian. He needed his arms around him. To make him feel safe. To make him feel like everything was alright. That he hadn't just made the biggest mistake of his life.

He pressed the button and as soon as he told Brian that he was there he heard the buzzer going off and the door unlock. He pushed the front door open and climbed the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator.

"You know the code, so, why don't you use it?" was the first thing out of Brian's mouth as soon as Justin was in his sight.

Justin climbed the last step and stopped, staring back at his lover. "I wouldn't be able to get inside without you here anyway, so what's the point?"

Brian gazed back at the teen. He took a deep breath in. "So, where's the lover boy?"

Justin looked down at his feet. "He…uhm…I…" He looked up at Brian. "Look, if you can't drop the sarcastic comments and mocking questions just for one night, tell me now, `cause I don't think I can handle it right now."

Brian stared at him for a moment and hated what he saw. Justin was in anguish. He could tell that whatever had happened, and he had a pretty good idea what it was, was tearing Justin apart. He took a step forward and opened his arms. Justin walked right into them, sighing into Brian's chest when he felt his lover's arms wrap around him.

~~~

Sitting at the kitchen counter the next morning Justin was trying to figure out how to rectify the situation and help Nicholas mend his relationship with Kevin. Only one solution came to mind.

"You're not gonna go and talk to him, are you?" Brian said, taking a sip of coffee out of his mug.

"You got a better idea?"

"Don't sleep with your best friend?" Brian snickered.

"You're a lot of help," Justin said sarcastically as he hopped off the stool and headed toward the door.

Brian followed him and grabbing his arm turned him around. He pulled Justin closer, his lips finding the teens in a soft, tender kiss. "You gonna be ok?" he asked quietly.

Justin leaned his forehead against Brian's and nodded. "Thanks." He kissed Brian's lips again. Sliding the door open he glanced at his lover one last time before heading to face the music.

~~~

He climbed the stairs. He had been here only once when he and Caleb were picking Nick and Kevin up to go to the movies. He stood in front of Kevin's apartment for a while, trying to figure out which voice in his head would win…the one that was telling him to ring the bell or the one that told him to run like hell away from here. All of a sudden that choice was taken away from him when the door opened and his eyes fell on his former lover.

"Hi," Justin said, suddenly wishing the floor would open up under his feet and swallow him whole.

Caleb looked at him surprised at first, but then understood what Justin was doing here. "I don't think it's a good idea, Justin."

"I know. But…I have to do it."

Caleb sighed and nodded. He held the door open for Justin and then closed it behind him, leaving his ex-boyfriend and his best friend alone together.

Justin felt his heart pounding inside his chest as he looked around.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Kevin hissed.

Justin turned to him. "I wanted to talk to you."

"We definitely have NOTHING to talk about, so get the fuck out." Kevin walked over and sat down on the couch.

Ignoring Kevin's comment Justin followed him, sitting on the other end of the couch. "Nick said you broke up with him."

"Thought I'd make it easier on you."

"Nick and I aren't together. Never will be."

"That's not what it looked like to me."

"It was just a mistake, Kevin, that's all. Just a stupid, drunken mistake."

Kevin looked up at him, then quickly looked away. Nicholas told him the same thing the last time they talked, but he didn't believe him. Couldn't believe him. Because it hurt too much. But for some reason he believed Justin now.

"Look, you already hate me, so why don't you just blame the whole thing on me? Make it easier for everybody involved. Make it easier on Nick."

"How is he?" Kevin asked. He wanted to be angry. It would have made it easier, but he cared about Nicholas more than anything. And seeing his lover crying broke his heart all over again.

"He's…" Justin sighed, "Not good."

Kevin was quite for a moment. "I don't hate you," he said quietly. "I was just…I was afraid Caleb would get hurt."

Justin snickered, "Well, I guess he should have listened to you."

"No," Kevin shook his head. "He did the right thing. He was happy with you."

Justin stared at Kevin, speechless. "I was happy with him," he was finally able to utter.

"He just wasn't the one."

Justin looked away, sighing.

"What about that guy you're seeing? Brian. Is he the one?"

Justin shrugged his shoulders, thinking about it for a moment. "It feels right. When I'm with him it just feels right. Like that's exactly where I'm supposed to be. You know?"

Kevin smiled, nodding his head.

~~~

Brian had one purpose tonight. To find Justin. He scanned the crowd hoping Dan had given him the right information. When he called Justin's dorm room earlier that evening Justin's roommate told him that Justin went to Babylon. All day long he had worried about Justin. He knew that the teen wouldn't take his advice and stay away from Kevin. And only having seen Kevin once, Brian had no idea what the man would do when left alone with a guy who banged his boyfriend. He breathed out a sigh of relief when his eyes fell on a blonde head in the middle of the dance floor. Quickly he made his way through the crowd toward his lover.

"Hey," he said to Justin. Only then he seemed to notice the guy that Justin was dancing with. "Fuck off." The other guy looked like he couldn't get away fast enough.

Justin just laughed. "You realize that since you scared him away you're just going to have to put out tonight."

A smile spread across Brian's lips. "So, how did it go?"

"All my limbs are intact," Justin said, as he started dancing again.

Brian pulled something out of the pocket of his pants and handed it to Justin. The younger man stopped dancing, taking the object in his hand. "What's this?" He looked up at Brian, questioningly.

"What does it look like?"

Justin looked down at his hand then back at his lover. "It looks like a key."

"Well, give the boy a prize. He got it in one."

Justin gave him a confused look. "I don't…I don't understand."

"Don't read too much into it. I just thought that since you spend so much time over at the loft you might as well have it. I mean, that way I won't have to drop everything and open the door for you every time you decide to show up. Besides, half of my friends have it." Or one. It didn't really matter at this point. "Besides, you might need a quiet place to study or a place to crash when your roommate gets lucky in your room. I mean, we wouldn't want to warp your young mind with hetero sex, now would we?"

Justin chuckled.

"Just call before you come over, in case I'm in the middle of…things."

Justin bit his lower lip. "I might want to join in."

Brian grinned. "Then by all means…"

Justin's expression turned serious. "Are you sure about this?"

Instead of answering Brian put his arms around Justin and kissed him.

***

"Hey, blondie," Nicholas chirped as soon as Justin opened the door. Justin flashed a smile at his friend and then slowly made his way back to his bed. He groaned as he sat down.

Nicholas closed the door behind him and followed Justin, sitting next to him. "Sore?"

"You have no idea."

"Brian?"

Justin just nodded, rubbing his butt.

"Did he fuck you without lube?"

"Worse."

"What's worse?"

Justin sighed, still unable to believe they did that. "He took Viagra."

"What?!" Nick stared at him wide-eyed. "Whose bright idea was it?"

Justin just looked at him.

"Well, you got what you deserved then," Nick was unable to hold the laughter back.

"Thanks a lot," Justin said looking hurt as he leaned against the wall.

"How long did it stay up?"

"Oh, I don't know…three…four hours…probably longer than that."

"But even Brian Kinney's little boy has to go down, huh?" Nick snickered.

"You are having way too much fun with it. And I think the only reason his dick went soft was because his fucking mother showed up," Justin winced as he remembered the look Joannie gave him as she practically ran out of the loft.

"Oh, shit. What happened?"

Justin shrugged. "Nothing. Well, except for me outing Brian…nothing. She stormed off and then we finally got some rest." He hoped Nick wouldn't prod for more details. He wasn't about to tell anybody, even his best friend, how upset Brian was after his mother left. The ad exec tried to pretend that he was ok, using jokes and sarcasm and sex to cover up what he was really feeling. But Justin knew better. He led Brian over to the bed, and without another word spoken he just held his lover as Brian let his body and mind relax and drifted off to sleep.

"I'm sorry," Nick said, stroking Justin's shoulder.

Justin shot a glance at the spot where Nicholas's hand made contact with his shoulder and sat up, moving away from Nick's touch. Things had gone back to normal between the two of them, for the most part. Except when they touched…whether it was by accident or not…Justin would move way, feeling uncomfortable. He hated it because prior to their little tryst in the night he loved Nick hugging him all the time. He felt safe and comforted in his friend's arms. But now he felt guilty for feeling anything every time his hand accidentally came in contact with Nick's.

"Oh, here," Justin got one of the flyers off the desk and handed it to Nick. "They finally got the flyers ready."

"Yeay!" Nick exclaimed, looking over the information on the piece of paper Justin handed him. Suddenly his expression changed to a somber one. "It's this Friday?"

"Yeah," Justin said, leaning back on the wall and trying to get comfortable. Concerned with his friend's serous expression, Justin asked. "What? What's wrong?"

Nick finally looked up at him. "Well, this is sort of what I came to talk to you about."

"What's that?"

"Kevin came over last night."

"Really?!" Justin exclaimed, sitting up again. "What happened? What did he say? Tell me. Tell me everything."

Nicholas grinned and Justin knew that it must have been good. "Well, he said that he wants to try again."

Justin flashed him a huge smile. "See, I told you everything would be alright. He just needed a little time, that's all."

"Yeah, I guess. He wants to go out. Just sort of start over, you know. Like a first date sort of thing."

Justin nodded. "So, when are you guys going?"

Once again Nicholas's face fell as he looked down at the flyer.

"Oh," Justin understood. "Well…well…" he struggled to hide his disappointment that his friend wouldn't see his show and plastered a fake smile on. "It's fine. Really. I mean, your relationship is a lot more important than some stupid art show."

"It's not a stupid art show, Justin. It's your first big showing. And I want to be there."

"It's ok, Nick, really."

"No, it's not." Nick seemed to think about something for a moment. "I know. We'll just stop by on our way to dinner."

Justin shook his head. "I'm pretty sure I'm the last person Kevin would want to see right now."

"Ok, well, I can just reschedule to Saturday night then."

Justin shook his head again. "How do you think Kevin would react when he finds out that you ditched him for the same guy you had cheated on him with?"

Nicholas sighed, realizing that Justin was right.

Justin made himself put a hand on Nick's arm. "It's ok, Nick. Really, it is. The show will be open for a week. You'll have plenty of time to come and see my work."

"I'm sorry," Nick said, getting up.

"Don't be," Justin replied, giving his friend another smile.

After the door closed behind Nicholas, Justin slumped back on the pillows, throwing an arm over his eyes. Somehow he went from a list of people he wanted to invite to the show to being there absolutely alone. Emmett was visiting some friend of his out in the country. Debbie and Vic were going to be out of town visiting some of Vic's friends as well. Lindsay and Melanie couldn't be there either. His mother took Molly to Florida for two weeks. And Brian…Brian just had too much shit to deal with…his mother…and a new client that he had to schmooze with a Friday night dinner at an expensive restaurant. The only person he had counted on to be there was Nick. And now Nick wouldn't be there either. He felt so lonely at that moment. It was his big night and none of the people who mattered to him would be there. Except for Lindsay, nobody even knew. He'd be there all alone.

~~~

"Here we go, mom," Brian handed Lindsay his son. "I think he needs to be changed."

He walked over to the coffee table, dropping the baby bag on the floor. A bright blue piece of paper on the table caught his attention. "What's this?" he asked Lindsay who was in the process of removing Gus's jacket off.

She looked at the piece of paper he held out for her too look at. "Oh, Justin brought it over. It's a flyer for the student show at PIFA. I'm so proud of him. They very rarely choose a freshman for the show."

At first Brian wondered what she was talking about, but then he remembered. Babylon. Justin walking in with four of his new friends…celebrating him being the only freshman chosen for the show. He cursed silently. He forgot. With all the bullshit that happened afterwards he just forgot. Suddenly he felt disappointed. Justin didn't tell him about this. Didn't invite him. Why didn't Justin tell him? Why didn't Justin give him the flyer? And then he felt angry. Why was he getting so upset about Justin not inviting him to something so important?

"I was planning on going, but Mel's grandmother's in the hospital, so we have to fly to New York." Lindsay's voice brought him out of his thoughts.

"What about Gus?" He looked up at her.

"We're taking him with us."

"Are you sure it's a good idea?"

"The flight's not that long and that whole side of the family haven't met him yet, so it'd be a good opportunity."

"A dying woman is a good opportunity to meet their dyke cousin's son?" Brian snickered.

Lindsay gave him a stern look and then lowered Gus down to the floor, helping the toddler make his way toward his father.

"So, I assume you're going," Lindsay said.

He knew that pretending he had no idea what she was talking about was futile. He looked up at her then down at his son. "You assume wrong."

"Come on, Brian. You can't not go."

"And why is that?" With Gus being busy with a toy car on the floor, Brian leaned against the back of the couch and stared at her.

"Because this is very important to him. This could decide the rest of his future. A lot of important people will be there to see his art."

"Still, I fail to see why I have to be there?"

"For support…encouragement. He'll need that. Art shows…especially something this important can be very nerve wracking."

"He'll have friends there, I'm sure." Somebody he actually told about this, Brian thought to himself.

Lindsay tried to change her tactic. She came over and sat next to him. "Look, even though you both try to deny it, you ARE in a relationship." Ignoring Brian wincing at the mention of the word, she continued, "Everybody can see it, Brian."

"Everybody should mind their own business," Brian said.

Lindsay sighed and stood up, realizing that she'd get nowhere with him on this issue. She picked up Gus and carried him out into the kitchen, leaving Brian alone in the living room. He stood up and, placing the flyer in the pocket of his pants, left the house.

~~~

As soon as he walked through the doors into the big hall filled with students, teachers, and their parents Brian scanned the crowd. He spotted the blonde head on the other side of the big room. Justin's back was turned to him. This was his last chance to turn around and leave without being noticed by Justin. Making up his mind, Brian moved through the crowd toward his lover.

Coming up behind Justin, Brian wrapped his arm around the teen's shoulders. "The famous artiste."

Justin gasped, startled. Turning around he gaped at the taller man. "What…what are you doing here?"

"I figured my invitation got lost in the mail." He smirked, taking the flyer out of his pocket. "So, I decided to take Lindsay's."

Justin couldn't take his eyes off the other man. Wearing a sleeveless black shirt and black pants Brian looked stunning. "Oh. What about your dinner with the clients?"

"I offered them a lunch and box seats to tomorrow's game instead. They were more than happy to accept."

"You didn't have to do that, Brian."

Brian stared at his young lover, trying to figure out what was wrong with Justin. He thought Justin would be happy that he had come. Instead Justin was quiet and distant. Brian stuck his tongue in cheek, looking around the place. Deciding to change the subject, he asked, "So, when do I get to see how my dick looks in a frame?"

Justin gave him a nervous smile, pointing to the wall displaying his work. Not waiting for Justin to follow, Brian made his way to see what he came here for. Justin's art. He stopped a few feet away from the wall. He let his gaze flow from one drawing to the next, first taking in everything as a whole, then going back to pay special attention to each work of art separately. He had met a lot of talented people in his line of work. The firm's art department had a few, but Justin was definitely the most talented he had ever met. There was no question about it. The way he could see into a person's soul and then transfer the feelings, the demons, the beauty of each person to paper was phenomenal. He wasn't sure how much time he had spent staring at the drawings. And he was completely oblivious to the fact that his young lover was holding his breath, waiting for Brian's verdict.

He sighed, forcing himself look away from one of the drawings of him and Justin sprawled out on the bed, and looked at Justin, who just looked at him expectantly.

"Not bad," Brian finally said, his eyes moving over to the same drawing in the middle of the wall. "Not bad at all." He was treated to Justin's megawatt smile.

"Think so?"

Brian bit his lips, finding Justin's modesty adorable, nodding his head.

"Mr. Taylor, there you are," the dean said, standing next to Justin. "I wanted to introduce you to a few people." Finally he noticed Brian and stared curiously at him. "And you must be Justin's…brother?"

Brian bit back a sarcastic remark. "A friend." He glanced at Justin and smiled. "A close friend."

"Uhm…Dean Riderson, this is Brian Kinney. Brian, this is Dean Riderson," Justin made the introduction, trying to hide the fact that he'd rather be anywhere else but here.

The two men shook hands.

"Well, you must be very proud of Justin here," the dean said. "I have no doubt that this young man will go far."

"Neither do I," Brian said, looking at Justin.

~~~

About an hour later Brian found Justin standing in the far corner of the room, away from the crowd, staring out the window. "You ready to get out of here?"

Justin looked up at him and just nodded. Showing his art tonight was as exciting as it was nerve wracking, as exhilarating as it was tiring. He needed to get out of this place.

They silently made their way down to the lobby and out to the parking lot. As soon as they were both inside the Jeep Brian turned to Justin who leaned his head on the window, staring outside. "Dorm or loft?"

"Loft," Justin replied without looking at him.

Brian shot one last glance at the teen and then turned the key in the ignition.

The drive to the loft was quiet. Justin kept looking out the passenger window and Brian tried to keep his eyes and mind on the road in front of him. When he stopped at the red light he finally allowed himself to look over at Justin, needing to know the answer to the question that had been nagging at him since he found the flyer in Lindsay's living room. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Justin sat up and turned his attention to Brian. "I did."

Brian looked straight ahead. "I mean, after the whole…"

"You being an asshole phase?"

"You sleeping with your best friend phase."

Justin shrugged. "There were just too many things going on. School. Your job. Now your mom. There just wasn't a good time to bring it up, that's all."

"How about this morning on the phone? Say 'Brian, I've got an important show tonight. Wanna come?'"

Justin looked away. He couldn't tell Brian the real reason he didn't ask him. That he couldn't deny anymore that he was falling for Brian. That he was scared shitless that if he had asked and Brian said no, he'd be crushed. He was ecstatic to feel Brian's arms around him tonight. But when the rush of excitement passed he realized that maybe Brian felt the same way. And that scared him even more. This was not what either of them signed up for when they started this…thing…whatever it was…between them. They were being pulled deeper and deeper into it and now there was no way out.

They drove in silence the rest of the way home and the elevator ride up to the loft. As soon as they were inside, Brian pulled the door shut and walked over to the kitchen. He took two bottles of beer out of the fridge and handed one to Justin. Then walked over and dropped down on the couch.

"What's this?" Justin asked, pointing to the beer.

"It's your big day," Brian said, "We're celebrating."

Justin studied his face and nodded. He walked over and stood in front of Brian. Putting his beer on the coffee table, he lowered himself down on the floor, pushing Brian's thighs apart.

Brian watched in amusement as Justin slowly but surely unbuttoned his shirt. "What are you doing?" he asked, arching his eyebrow.

Blue eyes shot up at him and a mischievous grin spread across the blonde's face. "Celebrating."

Brian felt Justin's tongue working its way down his chest and stomach as his lover worked on unzipping his pants. He gasped when he felt Justin's hand on his cock. Brian opened his eyes and stared down at the teen. He cupped Justin's face with his hand, forcing the young man to look up at him. "Come here," he whispered when his eyes met Justin's. He pulled Justin up, covering the blonde's mouth with his own as soon as their lips were on the same level.

In one swift motion he rolled them both over so that now Justin was in a half sitting position on the couch and Brian was on top of him. Slowly, Brian pulled Justin's sweater off. Covering Justin's pale body with kisses, he slowly lowered himself to the floor and started to work on removing Justin's pants as well, neither one of them breaking eye contact even for a second. "This is your night," he said softly before devouring Justin's cock with his mouth.

It wasn't long before Justin's body shook as he found release in Brian's mouth. Finally catching his breath, he opened his eyes. Brian stared back at him, a smile on his face. He pushed himself up to Justin's level, kissing the younger man again. The slow tender kiss turned into a passionate one. They now worked frantically on trying to remove Brian's clothing as he carefully lowered both of them to the floor.

Justin was on top of him, slowly stroking Brian's cock as Brian pulled out a condom and lube out of the pocket of his jacket lying on the floor next to them. Suddenly, Brian flipped him over and straddled Justin's legs. "I told you, it's your night. You get anything you want."

Justin stared up at the most beautiful pair of hazel eyes he had ever seen in his life, trying to see deep inside them, deep inside him…HIM…Brian…his soul. He pulled Brian's head closer, covering Brian's lips with his own as he pushed his lover on his back. Sitting on top of Brian now, Justin took the condom out of his hand and stared into the other man's eyes. "Anything?"

Brian studied Justin's face. He knew exactly what Justin was asking. But he wasn't sure he was ready to give it to him yet. Before he had a chance to object, he felt Justin's tongue in his mouth again…Justin's hands running up and down his body. He knew he would give up anything right now…the whole world…even his soul. Giving Justin one more kiss, he rolled over on his stomach.

***

"Brian offered to pay, "Justin said. Sitting on Nick's couch, he had just finished telling his friend about his father refusing to pay for his education.

"So, it's ok then? You have money for college," Nick said, relieved.

Justin looked away and shook his head. "I said no."

Nicholas looked at him, confused. "I don't understand."

"I can't take his money."

"Why not?"

"Because I just can't."

"He wants to take care of you. What's wrong with that?"

"Everything," Justin stood up and started pacing in front of the couch. "This is not why I'm with him. For the money."

"Nobody would think…wait…did you just admit that you're WITH him?" Nicholas stared at him with a mischievous grin spreading across his face.

Justin stopped pacing and smiled at the other man. "Fuck off," he said jokingly. When Nicholas just chuckled in return, Justin picked up a pillow and hit him with it.

"You little shit," Nick exclaimed, retaliating with another pillow.

Kevin pushed the door open, knowing that Nick barely ever locked the door during the day. He felt his jealousy return at the sight of Justin and Nicholas having a pillow fight and behaving like a couple of five-year olds. He cleared his throat trying to get their attention.

"Oh, hi, baby," Nick flashed a smile to his lover.

Justin stood up, straightening his clothes. "Hi, Kevin."

"Hi," Kevin replied, then turned to Nick. "I thought we had plans."

"You do," Justin said, walking around the couch and picking up his jacket as he headed toward the exit. "I was just leaving." He said good-bye to them both and left to figure out how to pay for college.

~~~

A couple of days later Justin was no closer to figuring things out.

"Did you find a job," Brian asked his lover over the loud sound of music.

Justin shook his head. "I must have tried twenty restaurants. No one's hiring."

"What did the financial aid office have to say?"

"My fucking father makes too much money."

"Well, my offer still stands," Brian said.

"So, does my answer. I'm gonna do this on my own," Justin replied.

Just then they saw Nicholas practically running toward them. "There you are," he said when he reached the bar. "I've been looking for you everywhere. I've got great news," he said, turning to Justin.

"What great news?" Justin asked.

"I asked around at work and the art department is looking for interns. I think you'd be perfect for the job. So, I got you an interview for next week."

Justin stared at his friend, speechless, as if Nick was his savior. Not only would he have money for school if he got this job. It could be a great opportunity as well. "Oh, my God! Nick!" He jumped on his friend, wrapping his arms around Nick. "You are the best," Justin said when he finally pulled away. "Isn't he the best?" Justin grinned as he turned to Brian.

Brian grimaced. "Yeah. The best." He knew he should be happy for Justin. Not only would this job fix Justin's financial problems, but it could also jump-start his career. So, why wasn't he happy? He knew it wasn't jealousy. He was certain that Justin would never go there again. It was a fiasco when it happened before. The two of them sleeping together. A big mistake that almost destroyed their friendship. Brian knew that he had nothing to worry about in that regard. So, why did he care that he wasn't the one to help Justin? He wasn't the one that Justin looked at with admiration and gratitude right now. He wasn't the one put on the pedestal in Justin's mind. And maybe heart. "See you later, boys," he said, leaving the two friends to celebrate Justin's possible employment.

~~~

"You got your portfolio?" Nicholas asked. He told Justin to come to the office a little earlier so that he could make sure they weren't forgetting anything. He spent the last few days prepping Justin for the interview and helping Justin choose pieces for his portfolio. He knew that his friend would charm the pants off his boss and the senior leader of the art department. He wasn't worried about that. The only thing that concerned him was Justin's age. He was only a freshman in college and the lack of experience could work against him.

"Ok, ready?" Nick looked Justin over again. The teen was wearing a grey suit with a white shirt and dark blue tie.

Justin sighed and nodded.

"Nervous?"

"Yeah."

"Don't be. They're gonna love you." Nick straightened Justin's tie.

Justin snickered. "How do you know that?"

His friend put his arms around Justin. "Because everybody does."

Justin gave him a small smile in return.

"Now, come on. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Nothing."

"Exactly," Nick smiled and opened the door into the hall.

Justin took another deep breath and stepped outside.

~~~

A few hours later Justin was back in his jeans and t-shirt taking an order at the diner. He heard the door open and turned to see who the new customer was, his lips spreading in a smile when his eyes landed on a certain ad exec.

"What? No corner office?" Brian smirked as he slid into the booth.

"It was only an interview," Justin replied. "Doesn't mean I'm gonna get it."

"Why wouldn't you get it? You have more talent than the rest of those idiots put together."

Justin scoffed. "You're just biased."

"And you're too critical of yourself."

Justin chuckled, "You know, you don't have to butter me up to get me into bed, Brian."

The older man smiled as well, "So, Babylon tonight?"

"Can't. I'm taking Nick out. Sort of a thank-you dinner."

Brian tried to hide his disappointment. "Shouldn't you do that after you actually get the job?"

"No. Because if I don't get it, it'd be too late. And I wanted to thank him for his help."

"Fine. Whatever," Brian shot back, picking up the menu.

~~~

Later that night Justin and Nicholas sat at a corner table of Nick's favorite Italian restaurant.

"I hope Kevin didn't mind about this," Justin said.

"Who cares?"

"You do? And I do too."

"Look, if he has a problem with me being friends with you…well, he's just gonna have to live with that," Nicholas said, taking a sip of water.

"And what if he doesn't?" Justin was concerned that he was causing more problems for Nick and Kevin's relationship.

Nick shrugged, "Then he doesn't. I'll live."

"Come on, Nick. You love him."

"Yeah, but I love you too. And I'm not giving you up just to make him feel secure." Nick was getting aggravated at the direction this conversation was heading in. He knew Justin was just trying to be a good friend and look out for him, for his relationship, for Kevin. But he was tired of trying to prove to his lover that he loved him, that he could trust him. He knew that he'd have to gain Kevin's trust again and that would take time, but months had passed and they were still at square one. Kevin doubted everything he said and everything he felt and it was exhausting. "Look, Justin. I know you're just trying to do what's best, but losing my best friend is not one of those things. So, can we just drop it?"

Justin nodded, giving in. "Ok."

"Ok."

Just then Justin's cell phone rang.

~~~

Great food and a couple of glasses of wine mellowed Nick out and he decided to try talking to Kevin again. Justin dropped him off in front of Kevin's building. He watched Nicholas disappear inside the building and then sat back in the seat, trying to figure out what to do next. He could go to Babylon, but seeing Brian fuck some guy in the backroom wasn't what he wanted right now. He was happy and he wanted to celebrate. Dan would probably be too busy humping his new girlfriend. So, he couldn't go to the dorm. There was one place left. He pulled the car onto the road and drove across town to the loft.

Brian's Jeep wasn't in its usual spot, so he knew that Brian wasn't home. That wasn't a surprise since it was pretty early. He decided that he'd just hang around the place until the ad exec showed up and then they'd have a proper celebration. He climbed the stairs to the loft and opened the door.

~~~

Justin turned off the TV when he heard the elevator outside the loft. He stretched his arms out and yawned. It was early for him to be up on a Saturday morning, but with Brian missing all night he didn't get more than a couple of hours of sleep.

"Hey," Justin said, getting off the couch as Brian closed the door behind him.

"Hey." Brian dropped the keys on the counter, then walked over to the fridge and took out a bottle of beer. Unscrewing the cap he took a big chug out of the bottle and then headed to the bedroom, with Justin following closely behind.

"I hope you don't mind me staying over. Dan needed the room for the night," he lied. He wasn't about to tell the man who had spent the whole night fucking somebody else that he missed him last night. That Brian was the only one he wanted to spend last night with. The only one he wanted to tell the big news to.

"No problem." Brian worked on removing his clothes.

"The guy must have been hot if you fucked him all night." He hoped there wasn't a trace of resentment in his voice. What right did he have to even ask who Brian fucked? They had no rules, no arrangements, no agreements. They were together when they wanted to be. And just because they wanted to be together a lot didn't change the fact that they were a pair of queers who liked their freedom to do whatever the hell they felt like doing.

Brian smirked, "I wish." He didn't feel like filling Justin in on all the fun of spending a night in jail because his best friend had parental issues. All he could think of the night before was spending the night with Justin in his bed. Instead, first he got drunk with Ted at Woody's, trying to make the twinge in his stomach go away. The twinge that had been there since the night Nick gave Justin the "great news". Then he ended up being arrested and spending the night in jail because of Michael's big whiney mouth.

Brian dropped the jeans and stepped out them and quickly got in bed, covering himself with the dark-blue duvet.

"I got the job," Justin said. He got the call the night before while he and Nick were at the restaurant.

Brian smiled, feeling proud of his blonde boy. "Was there any doubt?"

"Yes," Justin smiled back, "Some."

"Well, I was right."

Justin nodded. "You were right."

Brian stared at Justin. In his t-shirt and sweats Justin looked so innocent, so pure. The need to feel him next to his body returned. "Get over here," Brian said softly.

Flashing his lover a smile Justin pulled off his t-shirt and got in bed, lying next to Brian.

"So, tell me about the job," Brian said, turning to the teen. He knew he said the right thing because Justin's face lit up immediately.

"Well, I'm gonna be working with four other people doing some designs for covers and stuff like that. Some computer graphic stuff as well. And they said if I work out for them, I could stay on after I finish college and get a full-time position. AND they'll pay my tuition."

Brian arched his eyebrow. "Wow. What more could a boy want?"

Instead of replying Justin leaned in and kissed Brian. "I want to thank you."

"For what? Nick's the one you should be buying a card and a bouquet for. I didn't do anything."

"Sure you did." Justin cupped Brian's face, forcing the man to look at him. "I felt so lost and totally freaked out. And you…you made me feel like…like I wasn't alone in this."

Brian stared back at his young lover. "You're not," he finally said. Raising himself on the elbow he pushed Justin down on his back. "Now, can we drop the chit-chat? Because I have the need to feel my dick in your ass."

Justin chuckled. "How about feeling my dick in your ass?"

Brian stuck his tongue in check. "That's definitely a possibility." Before Justin could respond, he covered the blonde's mouth with his

own.

"Brian?" Justin said, pulling away slightly.

"What?" Brian looked into a pair of bright blue eyes.

"Thank you."

Brian brushed his lips against Justin's. "You're welcome."

***

He ran his hand down the beautiful body pressed underneath him, tracing the features of his lover with his fingers. Not for the first time since he met this man had he wondered how someone could look so strong and so fragile at the same time. Brian couldn't get enough of Justin…the feel of the blonde's skin against his own, the look of the pale, almost as milk, skin under the blue lights. He leaned down and kissed the luscious lips. A moan escaped Justin's mouth as Brian placed kisses down the teen's neck and chest.

"Oh, Kevin."

Brian's eyes shot up at Justin. "Kevin?"

"What?" the voice came from behind.

Brian turned around to see the other man sucking Justin's cock. Brian's eyes widened. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Kevin pulled his mouth away from Justin's penis and stared at Brian. "You of all people should recognize exactly what I'm doing here."

"Don't stop…" came a panting moan from the blonde.

Kevin smiled and moved back into the same position he was in before.

Brian just stared at the scene in front of him with shock. It wasn't the first time he had more than one guy in his bed. But THIS was too fucking surreal even for him.

"It's my turn now." Brian jerked his head to his left to see Nicholas and Caleb standing at the top of the stairs leading up to the bedroom.

"No, it's mine," Caleb said, licking his lips as his eyes traveled up and down his ex-boyfriend's body.

"Well, it's definitely not his," Nick said, both of them moving over to the bed and trying to push Brian aside.

"What the fuck are you all doing in MY bed?" He shouted.

Finally, Justin opened his eyes and sat up, trying to figure out what all the commotion was about. "What's going on?" he asked, another moan escaping his lips as Kevin took his whole dick in his mouth. Forgetting the shocked look on his lover's face, Justin dropped back down on the bed, being close to climax.

Brian watched astounded as he was pushed off the bed by the three other men who were now crawling all over his bed…AND his lover.

~~~

Brian woke up with a start. He sat up and looked over to his right where his lover slept on undisturbed. Justin's mouth was slightly open and the light from the blue lights above the bed cast a light blue glow on his skin. Brian ran his hand though his hair and settled back down. Turning on his side he watched Justin sleep.

He caught himself doing that a lot since the blonde came into his life. At night he didn't have to put on a mask or pretend that he didn't give a damn. He could just watch Justin without the teen knowing just how much he meant to him. When Justin was asleep Brian couldn't see the sparkling blue eyes so full of life or the mega-watt smile that took his breath away. Asleep, Justin seemed completely different to him. Instead of a blonde talking sex machine he became a beautiful, serene creature that Brian couldn't take his eyes off.

Brian brushed Justin's hair off his forehead and placed a small kiss on the top of the blonde's head, careful not to wake him. Then he put his head down on the pillow, snuggling closer to his sleeping beauty, letting himself relax once again to the sound of Justin's even breathing.

~~~

"Justin, how many times do I have to tell you to use a fucking plate?" Brian pointed to a half-eaten pop tart lying on the kitchen counter. "There are crumbs all over the place."

"I'll clean it up. Don't have a coronary, old man," Justin beamed a smile at him as he walked down the stairs from the bedroom.

His little comeback did nothing to get Brian out of his pissy mood. "How long does it fucking take to get your shit together?"

Justin took a bite out of pop tart and smiled again. He was used to Brian's morning tirades by now. He took one last sip of orange juice. "Big meeting today, huh?"

Brian felt his anger rise up, ready to rip Justin a new one when the teen just flashed another smile, immediately disarming him. Justin knew him too well. He had a meeting with a big prospective client today and the idiot twins managed to screw up everything assigned to them for the campaign. The ad exec sighed and let a small smile spread across his face. "Yeah."

Justin walked over to his lover and gave him a kiss. "Go get them, tiger," he said, slightly slapping Brian's butt.

If anybody else had done that to him, that person wouldn't be able to use that arm again for a week. But Justin just made him smile even more. "Aren't you going to be late?" he asked after kissing the teen again.

"Nick should be here any minute now," Justin stuffed the remaining piece of pop tart in his mouth.

"Don't you two get tired of seeing each other every single day?"

"Well, you don't get tired of seeing Michael every day even after…what…thirty…forty years of knowing him?" Justin smiled, enjoying the look on Brian's face.

"Asshole," Brian grabbed Justin, wrapping his arms around him. "Sixteen…SIXTEEN years, Justin. NOT thirty. And definitely NOT forty." A smile played on his lips.

"Knowing Michael it must have felt that long," Justin grinned.

"You're really going for the brat-of-the-year award today, aren't you?" Brian pulled away from him.

Just then they heard a car honking outside. "Ooh, that's me." Justin picked up his jacket and his backpack. Giving the ad exec one last kiss and a "later", Justin ran out the door.

~~~

Justin left work at lunchtime and since he had plenty of time before his class, he decided to stop by the diner to grab a sandwich and say `hi' to Debbie. But as soon as he opened the door he came face to face with Caleb. "Hey," he smiled at his ex. "So, now that I don't work here you decided to come and check the place out?"

Caleb smiled in return. "Yeah. Didn't want any obnoxious blonde waiters spitting in my food."

They both laughed.

"Haven't seen you in a while," Justin said.

Just then another young man with dark brown hair came up to them. "All paid," he said, turning to Caleb.

"Uhm," Caleb looked uncomfortably at Justin, then at his companion. "Mark, this is Justin. Justin, this is Mark," he made the introduction.

Justin looked over the other man. He was good-looking, buff, but not too beefy, a little bit taller than Caleb. Justin smiled and held out his hand. "Hi. It's nice to meet you."

"Yeah, you too," Mark said, shaking Justin's hand.

There was an uncomfortable moment between them, neither one of the three knowing what to say.

"Well, I'm gonna go to the store next door for a moment. Give you a chance to catch up on things." He gave Caleb a peck on the cheek. "It was nice to meet you," he said again to Justin.

Justin smiled, "Yeah, you too."

When the door closed behind Mark, Justin turned his attention to Caleb. "Mark, huh?" he smirked.

Caleb looked down, blushing.

"How long has this been going on?"

Caleb shrugged, "Three, four weeks."

"Serious?"

Caleb gave him a slight smile.

Justin's face lit up. He was happy for his friend. And that's all Caleb was to him now. A very good friend that he cared a great deal about.

"So, how have you been?" Caleb decided to change the subject.

"Good. Everything's good," Justin said. "I was actually going to call you."

"You were?"

"Yeah. I'm taking a photography class this semester and…"

"You need my help."

Justin nodded, "Desperately."

Caleb chuckled. "Give me a call later tonight. I'm pretty much free all week, so we'll see what we can do."

"Great."

"I guess I'll talk to you tonight then."

"Yeah."

"Bye."

Justin smiled at him again, "Bye."

~~~

"You're all chipper tonight," Brian said when his lover practically hopped over to their pool table. "Shouldn't you be stressing out about your photography project?"

"Nope. Not anymore."

"You dropped the class?"

Justin shook his head. "I got help."

"Who? Sammy from the Wolf Camera around the corner?" Brian scoffed.

"Caleb's gonna help me."

"Oh," was all Brian could utter.

"We haven't seen him around lately," Emmett said.

"He's been busy. New boyfriend and all." Justin smiled when the older man dropped his cue stick and gave his undivided attention to the gossip about somebody else's love life; the two of them with the rest of the group completely oblivious to the not so happy look on Brian's face.

~~~

Every day for the next week Justin spent all his free time with Caleb…running around town looking for some material for his project. The other time was spent in Caleb's apartment developing the photos

~~~

Brian walked into Woody's, looking for something to improve the foul mood he was in all day. He tried calling Justin but the teen's cell phone was turned off. When he called Justin's dorm Dan told him that Justin was out with Caleb…again.

He walked up to his friends who were standing at the bar.

"Wasn't Justin supposed to come tonight?" Emmett asked.

"He's working on his project with Caleb," Brian hoped they didn't hear the resentment in his voice.

"He stood you up for a school project? That's not a good sign," Ted teased, earning a glare from the ad exec.

"They have been spending a lot of time together," Emmett added.

"So? What's the big deal?"

"I wouldn't be so nonchalant, Brian," Ben, Michael's knew boyfriend, decided to add his five cents. "They're working together, creating something together. And there's nothing as sexual as the act of creation."

Brian tried to keep his face expressionless as he listened to Ben go on and on about how Justin and Caleb were sharing the highest level of intimacy.

~~~

Brian frowned when the elevator reached the top floor and he saw the wide-open door to his loft. His frown deepened when his eyes landed on Caleb standing in the middle of his loft. "What the fuck are you doing here?" Brian growled, his words slurred by huge amount of alcohol he consumed tonight.

"Oh, hey," Justin suddenly came into his line of sight before Caleb had a chance to respond. "I was just looking for…" his voice trailed off when he noticed Brian's companion standing in the doorway. He tried hard not to show his emotions. "I was just looking for my sketchbook."

"I told you to call before you come over." Brian took off his jacket and threw it on the couch.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd be home this early."

"No, of course you didn't. You never fucking think."

"Brian…" Justin was puzzled by the anger in his lover's voice.

"I want HIM out of here NOW." Brian glared at Caleb. "This is not a fucking motel where you can bring your tricks. What, his place wasn't available or you just wanted to fuck him here just for kicks?"

"What?"

"Justin, why don't I wait for you outside?" Caleb asked quietly, trying to defuse the situation.

"Yeah, why don't you?" Brian turned to the younger man.

Justin just nodded and Caleb quickly made his way out of the war zone.

"You had no right to talk to my friend that way," Justin said when Caleb left.

"Your friend? Right," Brian smirked, looking back at him.

"What is your problem?" Justin asked, trying to figure out what exactly he did to upset the other man.

"My problem is that you brought your fucking boyfriend into MY home. That's what my fucking problem is."

"I told you, I forgot my sketchbook here. My drawings for the project are in it," Justin explained again, but it fell on deaf ears.

"You are such a fucking liar," Brian shouted. "You didn't forget any fucking sketchbooks here."

"Brian…"

"Get the fuck out," Brian shouted.

"What?" Justin stared at him dumbfounded. He had never seen Brian like this.

"Your boyfriend is waiting for you."

"How many times do I have to tell you? Caleb is just a friend."

Brian chuckled. "Justin, you fuck your friends and you're friends with the guys you fuck. You have no line between the two. You just do whatever the fuck you want. Making up your own rules and breaking them when it suits you."

Justin clenched his jaw, hurt and angry at this drunken man he thought of as his lover. "FUCK. YOU." He quickly crossed the loft and stormed off past Brian's trick and out the door.

Only then did Brian notice the stranger still standing in the doorway. "What the fuck are you still doing here?!"

He shut the door behind the guy and then dropped down on the couch. He felt something poking him in the back. Sitting up he saw a corner of Justin's sketchbook that fell in between the cushions. Brian felt himself sobering up. Justin didn't lie. Of course, Justin didn't lie. Why would he?

Brian opened the sketchbook. He scanned through the first few sketches, having seen them before. There were a few of him and one of Gus. The other ones were new…sketches of objects that looked very familiar. There was a drawing of his bracelet, something that looked a lot like his black leather jacket, the blue lights over the bed, and a couch that looked exactly like the one he was sitting on at the moment. That's when he remembered what Justin's project was about. They were supposed to pick an object or a person and, combining photographs and drawings, put together a collage that represented the main subject chosen. And he realized. HE was the subject. Justin's project was about him.

~~~

Justin looked up when Caleb put his drink on the table in front of him and sat down. "I don't know what I'm gonna do without the fucking sketches," he said.

"Well, there weren't that many of them there. Most of the drawings are at my place already. You can just recreate the other ones again. I don't think you should worry about it. You still have plenty of time," Caleb tried to make his friend feel better.

"What's the point?" Justin took a sip of his beer. "What the fuck was I thinking, picking him as the subject for this project?"

"That you cared about him?"

Justin shook his head. "You know, all this time I actually let myself believe that he…"

Caleb understood what it was that Justin was unable to say. "He does."

Justin looked up at him. "Yeah, right."

"He's just jealous."

Justin scoffed. "Brian doesn't get jealous."

Caleb smiled. "Of course he does. He is."

"Jealous of what?"

"You are spending a lot of time with your ex-boyfriend."

"We're friends. He knows that."

"Maybe. But seeing your boyfriend's ex in your home would make any guy see red."

"Did you just join the make-excuses-for-Brian-Kinney club?"

Caleb smiled again. "I'm just saying I understand where he's coming from."

"I bet Mark doesn't act like the world's biggest asshole." It was Justin's subtle, or not so subtle, way of getting Caleb to talk about his new boyfriend.

Caleb bit his lower lip. "Mark has his good qualities and he has some bad ones."

"What? He snores?"

They both laughed.

"Does he have a nickname for you?" Justin asked.

"Nope. Just plain old Caleb."

"Doesn't call you `Cale' or anything like that?"

Caleb stared into Justin's eyes. "No. You're the only one."

And Justin smiled. He knew that the two of them would never be more than friends. That nothing more would ever happen again. But Caleb was his first and he held a special place in Justin's heart. It felt good to know that Justin held a special place in Caleb's heart as well.

~~~

Justin got out of Caleb's car and waved to his friend. After watching the car disappear around the corner, he headed to his dorm, stopping cold when he noticed a figure sitting on the steps leading up to the entrance.

When Brian saw him approach, he stood up.

"If you wanted to add something to your speech, you could have just called and left a message. You really didn't have to drive all the way over here to make me feel like shit." Justin started to walk past his lover, but Brian grabbed his arm.

"You forgot this," he said quietly. He felt horrible for the way he acted earlier. He handed the sketchbook to Justin.

Justin took it in his hand and looked up at Brian. "And you think this makes up for everything?"

Brian's face fell. He was hoping that Justin, being the most forgiving person he knew, would just let it go. "What do you want me to say?"

"An apology might be nice."

Brian took a deep breath in. "I'm sorry."

Justin shook his head. "It's not good enough." He tried to move away, but Brian's hand on his arm kept him firmly in place.

"What the fuck do you want me to do? Grovel?"

"Maybe if you actually meant it…"

Brian sighed, letting go of Justin's arm. He looked down, aware of Justin's eyes following his every move. Finally, he looked up again. "I really am sorry. The way I acted was immature and childish. I was cruel to you and…your friend. And…I would understand if you'd never want to speak to me again."

Justin sighed, the expression on his face softening. "Why?"

Brian looked down again and mumbled something.

"What?" Justin asked, not sure he heard correctly.

"I was jealous," Brian said clearly now as he glanced up at the teen.

Justin smiled. "Look, you have to believe me. There is nothing going on between Caleb and me."

"I know. But…there could be."

"No," Justin shook his head. "There couldn't. There's a reason why we didn't work out before."

"Yeah? And what's that?"

"I never loved Caleb. Not like I…" he stopped, unsure if he should go on. He couldn't say those words to Caleb when they were together because he didn't love him. He couldn't say them now to Brian because he did. Because it would change everything. Because more than likely those three little words would scare Brian off permanently and he couldn't risk losing Brian forever.

Brian stared back at Justin, waiting to hear those three words and at the same time hoping he wouldn't. He wasn't sure they were ready to cross that line. He wasn't sure he'd EVER be ready to cross that line. And he knew Justin felt the same way. He could see it in the teen's eyes.

The unspoken words hung heavily in the air. And Brian did the only thing he could think of to prevent the words from becoming real and at the same time showing Justin that he was not alone in this. He took a step closer and covered the blonde's lips with his own.

***

"What do you mean he's not doing anything for your birthday?" Nick asked, repeating word for word Lindsay and Melanie's sentiments earlier that evening.

Justin looked up at him from the couch, tired of repeating the same thing over and over again. "Brian just doesn't believe in birthdays, only achievements. Which is actually understandable considering his childhood."

"What's understandable? That's he's too busy fucking around to throw you a birthday party?"

"It's not like that," Justin said, hating that he sounded just like Michael…making excuses for Brian. "Besides, you know I hate parties."

Nick sat down next to him. "He didn't even get you a present?"

Justin shrugged, trying to hide his disappointment that Brian wouldn't get him anything. "It's ok. It's not like we're an actual couple. We're not like you and Kevin or Caleb and Mark."

"Why not? Ok, so your arrangement's a little different. But you care about each other and that's the most important thing. And that means that he should forget his fucking rules for once and buy you a goddamn present," Nick pouted. He expected to get another one of Justin's excuses for Brian, but instead he heard a roar of laughter. "What the fuck are you laughing about?"

"I don't…I don't know. Just you…getting all worked up."

Justin's laughter was contagious and soon enough both of them rolled on the couch laughing hysterically.

~~~

Leaving Nick's apartment, Justin headed back to the dorm. Dan convinced him to go out with him and his friends to celebrate Justin's birthday. Justin tried to resist, being bummed about Brian's attitude, but Dan could be very persistent when he wanted to be. So, Justin hurried home to get ready.

He smiled when he saw a familiar face standing at the entrance of the building.

"What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean what I'm doing here. It IS somebody's birthday," Caleb smiled, giving his friend a hug.

"Tomorrow," Justin corrected him.

"I know. But I figured you'll be too busy with Brian and your family, so I thought I'd stop by today instead." Pulling away from Justin, he handed him a wrapped object. "Here. This is for you."

"What? No romantic dinner?"

"I think I'll have to sign up for self-defense classes first. I don't think I could take Brian on in my current physical condition."

Justin grinned and busied himself with ripping the paper off his present. "Oh, wow," he exclaimed when he realized what it was. A camera. The kind a lot of photographers used.

Caleb smiled, elated by Justin's reaction to the present. "You said you liked photography and I figured that maybe you'd like to practice some more."

"We could drive around town taking pictures again," Justin added.

"Definitely. It'll be great."

Justin wrapped his arms around the other man again. "Thank you so much. I love it."

Caleb kissed the blonde's cheek.

"You wanna come up?" Justin asked, once again pulling away.

"Nah, I gotta go. Mark's waiting."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. But we should hook up soon."

"It's a date," Justin smiled, looking down at his present again.

"Bye, Justin."

"Bye, Cale."

They both smiled at each other one last time before Caleb walked down the stairs and got in his car.

~~~

Brian tossed and turned in bed, unable to fall asleep long after the trick left. On top of having the little voice in his head screaming at him to be a good boyfriend and be with Justin on his birthday, he also had to deal with disturbing visions flooding his mind once again. He thought he had gotten rid of them. He kept remembering what Mysterious Marilyn told him. That he was supposed to figure out for himself what it was that he had changed. What the point of those visions was. So when he stopped having them all together a few months ago he thought that somehow he found the answer. He wasn't quite sure what the answer was. But as long as he didn't have the visions anymore he didn't really care. The visions were supposed to lead him to the answer, to the truth. And the truth was…he was happy. He and Justin were both happy with how things were now. And maybe that's what he was supposed to figure out. How to be happy. This was where he was supposed to be. Where both of them were supposed to be.

But this theory was blown to pieces when a few days ago he started having the visions once again. These were even more intense than the ones before.

*Let him know you care.*

*I thought he did.*

He could clearly see the disappointment on Justin's face because of something he did. Or didn't do. That's what it was about. Maybe it was just some sort of guilt about blowing Justin off on his birthday. But that did not explain the image of a brown-haired man he saw with Justin. The image made him angry, jealous, and hurt. HURT. It hurt like hell. He felt Justin slipping away…further and further away…from him. Because of that guy. That man. That stranger in his head. The man that Justin left with. Walked away from him with.

*The guy that played the violin, he was incredible.*

*Don't you ever wonder what he's doing when you're not around?*

*What if there was someone else that he was seeing that you didn't know about?*

*You sure are taking a lot of showers lately.*

Brian tried to shake the images off, tried to calm down. None of it made sense. And he didn't know what to do. Or how to fix it.

*You might have given him something a little more thoughtful.*

*He loves me…in ways that you can't.*

*In ways that I won't.*

He could clearly see the hurt look on Justin's face and it hurt HIM even more.

*Let him know you care.*

The words rang in his mind over and over again. Let him know you care. Let him know you care that he's turning nineteen tomorrow. Let him know you care that he's in your life. Let him know you care that he was even born. Let him know you care.

~~~

Justin was working on tying his tie when he heard the knock on the door. His eyes widened when he found Brian dressed in a simple white t-shirt, blue jeans, and black leather jacket standing on the other side of the door.

Looking Justin over, Brian smirked. "Didn't your daddy teach you how to tie a tie?" He pushed his way past Justin and inside the room.

Closing the door, Justin turned around. "No. He was too busy being disgusted by my lifestyle and divorcing my mother."

Brian smiled, walking up to him. "Well, neither did mine. He was too busy regretting the day I was born." He took the two ends of the tie in his hands while staring down into the pair of blue eyes. "This isn't the birthday suit I'd like to see you in," he chuckled, then slowly slid the tie off Justin's neck. Clutching the tie in his hand, Brian walked over and dropped down on Justin's bed.

"Brian, give it back," Justin followed him, trying to get the tie back. "Lindsay and Melanie will be here any minute now."

"No, they won't be."

Justin stood up and looked at him confused. "Why not?"

"Because I told them that you're spending the day with me."

"I am?" Justin asked, disbelief written all over his face.

"Yep."

"I thought you had a shit load of work to do."

Brian stuck his tongue in cheek and smiled. "Fuck work."

"Since when?"

Brian stood up and walked up closer to Justin. "Since I realized that turning nineteen is an important event in a young man's life."

Justin scoffed. "Right."

Ignoring the mocking expression on the teen's face, Brian continued, "So, I decided that we should celebrate this day properly. So, come on, go change into something more…" he looked Justin over again, "comfortable."

Justin finally realized that Brian wasn't kidding or teasing him. He really was going to celebrate his birthday. And he smiled. "Where are we going?"

Brian shrugged. "It's your day. You decide. We'll do anything you want."

"Anything?"

"Uh…no trips to Vermont and no commitment ceremonies. Everything else is fair game."

Justin grinned. "Works for me." He busied himself getting rid of the sports coat and a constricting shirt and pulling on his khaki pants and a simple sweater. When he was done, he grabbed his sketchbook and pencils and a box of charcoal and stuffed into his backpack.

"What's that for?" Brian asked.

"You'll see," Justin replied with a mischievous smile.

"You're not gonna draw all day, are you?" Brian whined.

"You said we get to do anything I want."

Brian sighed. "I'm gonna regret saying that, aren't I?"

Justin just flashed him another smile and then opened the door into the hall. The teen laughed when he heard his lover curse behind him.

~~~

Brian would never admit to anybody, but he was actually having fun. First, they headed to the Carnegie Museum of Art. Justin talked his ears off about Vincent van Gogh and Hilaire-Germain-Edgar Degas among other famous and not so famous artists. After eating lunch at the local café there, they decided to ride the Duquesne incline. They spent some time on the observation deck while Justin worked frantically to put down on paper the beautiful view of Pittsburgh.

After that they spent some time at Point State Park where Justin decided to get a few sketches of Brian.

"Justin, it's cold," Brian complained.

Justin looked up from his sketchbook. "Would you just stop whining? You're not the one who has to draw with frozen fingers, so just sit there and look pretty." He chuckled at Brian's pout and turned his attention back to the drawing.

"We are NEVER doing THIS again," Brian said after a few more minutes.

Justin mumbled something in return, not taking his eyes off the paper in his lap.

"Justin, did you hear me?"

Justin just nodded slightly, concentrating on getting the texture of Brian's leather jacket right.

"Are you done yet?" Brian reached for the sketchbook and Justin looked up just in time to snatch it away.

"It's not finished."

"Come one, let me see," Brian tried to reach the sketchbook.

"No."

Brian got on top of the teen, the two wrestling and rolling around on the ground. Brian gave out a victory yelp when he gained control of the rectangular object and looked at the drawing. He felt a breath catch in his throat. It always amazed him how Justin was able to see him. REALLY see him. Not just the beautiful face or sexy body. Justin saw through him. And what was even more amazing, but also scary, he could transfer what he saw on paper. For everybody else to see. Not that they would believe that this man was Brian. The man looked happy. Relaxed. Content. Not a lot of people had ever seen Brian that way. The man in the drawing was in lo…where he was supposed to be. He knew that now.

Brian put the sketchbook aside and looked into his lover's eyes. The emotions and feelings he saw in Justin's eyes mirrored the same feelings and emotions of the man in Justin's drawing. Justin saw it in his eyes. He couldn't hide it, no matter how hard he tried. And at that moment he wasn't sure he wanted to. He leaned in and kissed his little artiste tenderly.

"Come on, birthday boy, we've still got things to see." He stood up, pulling Justin after him.

They exited the park, hand-in-hand, not giving a damn who saw them or what the rest of the world thought. It was just the two of them. It was Justin's day. It was THEIR day. They put all their worries and insecurities and responsibilities aside and just enjoyed being together.

~~~

Brian parked in front of his building. They had decided to come back to the loft and "rest" before heading to Ben's surprise party. Brian took Justin's hand as soon as he walked around the Jeep. He pulled the teen closer, his lips covering Justin's. He just couldn't get enough of the blonde today.

Justin pulled away and smiled. "I'll be up in a few."

Brian narrowed his eyes. "Where the hell are you going?"

"Just across the street to the store."

"What for?"

"It's a surprise." A mischievous grin spread across his face.

"It's YOUR birthday. Why am I getting a surprise?"

Justin took a step closer and placed a small kiss on Brian's lips. "You said we get to do anything I want," he whispered.

Brian stared into Justin's eyes, trying to figure out what the younger man had planned. Whatever it was it was bound to be good, he was sure of it. "Fine, let's go," Brian started to pull him toward the street.

"No," Justin stopped him. "You go up and get…comfortable…" he grinned, "and I'll be up in a few minutes."

The voice inside Brian's head told him to go with Justin, but the smile on the blonde's face said that he was just being silly and paranoid. "Don't get lost, little boy."

"I won't."

Kissing his lover one more time, Justin started to cross the street while Brian busied himself with punching the code to the front door. Suddenly a shiver ran down his spine and a sense of dread filled his whole body. Brian spun around and froze when he saw a silver SUV heading straight for his lover. "Justin…JUSTIN!!!"

The images flooded his mind.

*Where are you headed?*

*No place special.*

*I can change that.*

*This is the best night of my life.*

*Even if it was ridiculously romantic.*

*He loves me…in ways that you can't.*

*In ways that I won't.*

*Can't you see it? He's just as miserable as you are.*

*Make a wish.*

* You changed something. Something big. Something important. That's why it's haunting you. HE's haunting you.*

* I wish I didn't meet Justin that night.*

And he knew. He understood now. Understood what it all meant. These weren't fantasies, or dreams, or some sort of psychic visions. They were MEMORIES. Memories of another life. Life where he DID meet Justin that night. Life where Justin fought to be with him. Life where he fought hard to not let some blonde twink in. Life where he failed. Life where they both got burned badly. Life where he had to watch Justin walk away from him with another man.

Life where Justin wasn't lying lifeless in the middle of the road.

"No." Brian shook his head, trying to get the image in front of his eyes out of his head. He didn't want to see it. He never wanted to see it again. Hear it again. The sound of Justin's body being hit by a car. "God, no."

He finally made himself move, sprinting to where a crowd was now forming in the middle of the street and pushing people out of his way trying to get to his lover. Brian felt like the air was knocked out of him when he finally saw Justin. "Oh, God." He was breathing erratically as he dropped to his knees beside his unconscious lover. "Justin," he said quietly, the tears already threatening to overflow as he hovered over the teen's body. "Justin…get up…come on…get up…please…don't do this to me now…not now." No answer. "Please…just get up…open your eyes, Justin." His voice cracked. He tried to take a deep breath in, but there wasn't enough air. "Please…please, just open your eyes," he whimpered. Nothing. He ran his hand over Justin's face. He looked down at his hand when he felt something warm and wet. Blood. Justin's blood. Everywhere. So much of Justin's blood. He thought his heart stopped beating. He leaned his head against Justin's bloody face and let the tears pour out. Cupping Justin's face in his hands, he held on for dear life, his salty tears mixing with his lover's blood. "No, no, no, no, no, no, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

***

Brian walked in the room. He didn't realize he was holding his breath until he saw Justin turn to look at him from his bed.

"Hey." Justin said. He had lots of bruises and scrapes on his face and his arms, but despite the pain he was in, he smiled at Brian with his mega-watt Sunshine smile.

Brian slowly made his way to the bed, his eyes running up and down Justin's form under the hospital blanket. "You really are ok," he said quietly, relief and joy overcoming him.

Justin covered Brian's hand with his own. "I'm fine."

Brian sighed, leaning closer to Justin and hugging the boy to his body, needing to feel Justin's warm skin against his own.

"Brian…Brian….BRIAN."

"Hmm, what?" Brian opened his eyes and looked around, unsure of his surroundings.

"We're here," Michael said when Brian focused his eyes on him.

Brian looked outside the cab window and noticed that they were parked in front of his building. He saw Michael open the door and get out of the cab after paying the driver and he followed his best friend to the entrance to the building. They took the elevator up and Michael used his key to open the door into the loft.

As soon as they were inside Michael led him into the bedroom. Sitting the ad exec down on the bed, Michael reached for the object clutched in Brian's hand. Justin's jacket soaked in blood. The paramedics gave it to him after they removed it off Justin in the ambulance.

"No," Brian said quietly, holding the jacket closer to his chest.

"I just want to help you change," Michael said with concern. He found Brian in the waiting room of the hospital, waiting for the doctors to tell them whether Justin was going to be ok. Covered in blood and clutching Justin's jacket to himself. Crying. And Michael was shocked and scared, because he finally realized how much the blonde brat that always teased him and got on his nerves meant to his friend.

"Go."

"What?"

"Just go," Brian's words were barely audible.

"Brian, I don't think…"

"Please. Just go," he whispered.

Michael nodded, taking a step back. "If you need anything at all and I mean anything, call me, ok?"

He thought he saw Brian nod his head, so he turned around and with one last glance at his grief-stricken best friend, Michael left.

Brian raised the jacket in his hands to his face, breathing in his lover's smell, but all he could feel and smell was blood. He put the jacket down on the bed next to him, then stood up and headed into the bathroom.

~~~

***A man is placed upon the steps, a baby cries,***

***And high above the church bells start to ring***

***And as the heaviness the body oh the heaviness settles in***

***Somewhere you can hear a mother sing***

Jennifer opened the door into her daughter's room and walked in. Molly was sitting on the bed talking to a friend on the phone, but she quickly hung up as soon as she saw the expression on her mother's face. Jennifer sat down next to Molly on the bed and put her arms around her little girl. She held her daughter as both of them cried.

***Then it's one foot then the other as you step out onto the road***

Michael and Vic held Debbie as she cried after Michael told them what happened.

***How much weight? How much weight?***

Ted sat down next to crying Emmett on the couch. He put his arm around his friend, watching the tears roll down the other man's face.

***Then it's how long? And how far? And how many times before it's too late?***

Lindsay and Melanie were getting ready for Ben's surprise party when they heard the phone ring. Lindsay went to answer the phone and Melanie was giving the babysitter instructions when she heard Lindsay's scream. She rushed into the living room to find her wife staring at her in shock as the tears poured down her face. Lindsay clung to Melanie as the two women cried.

***Calling all angels***

***Calling all angels***

***Walk me through this one***

***Don't leave me alone***

Nick dropped the phone, trying to catch his breath. He leaned against the wall, but his chest just felt too heavy for his legs to support him. Kevin rushed over to him when he saw Nick slide down to the floor, crying.

***Calling all angels***

***Calling all angels***

***We're crying and we're hurting***

***And we're not sure why...***

Caleb sat on his couch, staring blankly at the phone in his hand, oblivious to Mark's hands around his shoulders.

***And every day you gaze upon the sunset with such love and intensity***

***It's almost...it's almost as if… if you could only crack the code***

***Then you'd finally understand what all this means***

***But if you could...do you think you would trade in all the pain and suffering?***

***Ah, but then you'd miss the beauty of the light upon this earth***

***And the sweetness of the leaving***

Brian didn't recognize the man staring back at him in the mirror. It wasn't him. Couldn't be him. But yet it was. He had blood on his cheeks and lips. He looked down at his hands and they too were covered in blood. Slowly, he opened the faucet. He didn't think he'd ever get the blood off his hands. He wasn't sure he wanted to. That was all he had left of Justin. His blood. He would never be closer than this to the teen ever again.

*I wish I didn't meet Justin that night.*

He remembered making the wish. The wish that changed everything. The wish that got him to this point. And he knew he had to change it. Change it all back. No matter how bad things were before…in this other lifetime, he knew that Justin was alive there. And that was all that mattered.

He turned off the faucet and left the bathroom. Getting the keys out of the pocket of his jacket, Brian went in search of the only person who could help him.

~~~

She saw him the moment he walked through the door. The man looked nothing like the Brian Kinney everybody on Liberty Avenue knew and wanted. He was a mess. His face covered in blood and dried tears, his white t-shirt now blood-red. She knew why he was there before he even spoke a word.

"I need your help," he said.

~~~

"I'm not sure what we're looking for exactly," Mysterious Marilyn said as they walked into her apartment. She opened a box where she kept most of her crystals and charms, going through each one of them, trying to find the one Brian had described to her. "Crystals don't have the power to do something like that. They can't just change realities like that."

"But it did. You told me to make a wish. And it changed everything," Brian insisted, looking around the room. His gaze

stopped on a small glass object on a bookshelf. "This is it," he said, picking up the familiar crystal.

"That? No, that can't be," she shook her head, looking over the crystal in Brian's hand. "I just bought this at some flea market a few months ago. I just thought it looked pretty. That's all. No powers or anything like that."

"This is it," Brian repeated, more forcefully this time.

Mysterious Marilyn shrugged, backing off. "Ok, then."

"What do I do now?"

"Uh…just do what you did then. Just wish for everything to go back to how it was before, I guess." She really had no idea how this all happened. She sensed that things weren't how they were supposed to be when she first laid eyes on the stud of Liberty Avenue that night at Woody's, but she had no idea what exactly happened or that it would lead to a horrible ending.

Brian nodded and headed out. "Thanks," he said before he closed the door behind him.

"Good luck."

~~~

Brian pulled the door shut and then walked over to the kitchen and threw the keys on the counter. Without turning the lights anywhere, he headed straight for the bedroom, dropping down on the bed without taking his clothes off. He took Justin's jacket that he left on the bed earlier and hugged it close to his chest with his left hand, while still clutching the small glass crystal in his right hand. This crystal was his only way out of this nightmare. His only hope.

"I wish…I wish that things went back to normal. I wish that I did meet Justin that night. I wish I never made that wish." He needed it to work. It had to work. He had no idea what he'd do if it didn't. He silently repeated the wish in his head over and over again. Then putting the crystal under his pillow, he rolled on his side, holding Justin's jacket even closer to himself and drifted off to sleep.

~~~

He opened his eyes and looked around. The loft was filled with sunlight and he squinted, trying to adjust to the bright light. His mouth was dry and he started to get up to get some water when he felt something in his arms. Looking down he saw Justin's jacket still clutched in his hands. Brian sat up quickly, feeling his heart beating hard. "No." His breath caught in his throat when he held the jacket in front of him, noticing the bloody stains. "NO!" He ran into the living room. He noticed a light blinking on the answering machine and he pressed the `play' button.

"Brian, it's me." It was Michael. "I'm just…I'm just calling to see how you are. If maybe you need anything. Or just wanna talk. I'm here. Ok? I…well…ma…she talked to Jennifer…uhm…Jus…Justin's mother and…God…I thought you might wanna know…the funeral…it's tomorrow at twelve. I'm really sorry, Brian. I'm here, ok? Call me."

Funeral. Justin's funeral. He thought he was going to be sick. It didn't work. The wish didn't work. The fucking crystal didn't work. He changed the past and now he was stuck in this nightmare…and…Justin was DEAD. And there was NOTHING he could do about it. It was all his fault and there was no way he could change it all back.

~~~

***Calling all angels***

***Calling all angels***

Brian closed his eyes, tuning out the voice of the minister. The pain he felt was so intense, he had to remind himself to breathe at times. He felt broken. He spent the last two days in a daze, unaware of anything else going on around him. He wasn't sure how he got here today. Didn't remember getting dressed or driving to the cemetery. Just moving on autopilot. Doing what he was supposed to be doing. Like standing near Justin's grave staring at the coffin…the box that held his lover's body. His stomach churned at the thought and he had to look away.

***Walk me through this one***

***Don't leave me alone***

He looked at the people surrounding the grave…Justin's family, his friends. There were a lot of people here today. Not that it surprised him. It was impossible not to love Justin once you had met him. He instantly won your heart over. Of course, most of these people didn't fight it as much as he did. He wondered who some of them were. There were a lot of kids Justin's age. He thought that maybe they were his friends from high school, but then remembered Justin's horror stories about his high school experiences.

***Calling all angels***

***Calling all angels***

He looked over to his right. Daphne was there with her parents. Next to them stood Melanie and Lindsay, Ted and Emmett all huddled together, comforting each other. Michael and Vic were standing next to Debbie. He couldn't even look at where Jennifer and Molly sat, so he moved his gaze to the other side, immediately noticing Nicholas. He looked like he was barely able to stand and Kevin had to support him. And Brian wondered how he himself managed to actually stand on his own as well. Next to them stood Caleb with some brown-haired guy who Brian assumed was his boyfriend Justin kept talking about all the time. Caleb looked up and stared back at him. Brian could tell that it was almost as hard for Caleb to be here as it was for him. That he was using his last reserve of strength to stand straight.

***We're trying***

***We're hoping***

***We're hurting***

***We're loving***

***We're crying***

***We're calling***

The sound of the wheels turning startled him. He felt as if his heart was being torn out of his body when he saw Justin's coffin slowly being lowered into the grave. He tried to take a breath in, but it was if there was a huge rock lying on his chest, constricting the flow of oxygen. He closed his eyes, trying to lock out the pain he was feeling, but it was unbearable. He had to get out of there before the world closed in on him completely and there would be no turning back.

He started to walk away and he felt losing a piece of his heart with every step that he took away from the grave and Justin.

*** `Cause we're not sure how this goes***

~~~

He pounded on the door harder and harder, not paying attention to a couple of neighbors that peeked out from their cozy little apartments to see what all the commotion was about. Finally the door opened. Without a wig and high heels Mysterious Marilyn looked small. The make up on her face was the only thing that told Brian he got the right apartment. He pushed his way through the door before he could get any objections.

"You have to fix it. You have to take me back there," he blurted out.

"Brian, I…"

"You said that he's the key. That he'd lead me to the truth. Well, how the hell is he supposed to do that if he's dead?"

"The truth is inside you, Brian. Always had been."

"What truth?! Tell me. Tell me what the hell all this is for? Why can't I just go back? Back to where things actually made sense. Back to where Justin was alive."

"I don't…" she sighed, "Maybe you…you are not meant to fix things."

That stopped him cold. "What?"

"Maybe you were supposed to learn something from it all."

Brian clenched his jaw, trying to control his emotions. "Learn something? What was I supposed to learn? What it's like to watch somebody you care about die?" He swallowed hard. "Or…or what it feels like to see your lover be put into the GROUND?!" He shouted. "Is THAT what I was supposed to learn?! Was THAT the big lesson? HUH?!" He got in her face. "Well, I learned. I fucking aced it. NOW. TAKE. ME. BACK."

"I don't know how," she said quietly.

"Just get me back there," he pleaded. "Please…just…please…" his voice cracked as he tried to fight off the tears threatening to spill. "Please," he whispered.

She took a step back and stared at him, sadness filling her eyes. "I can't."

He looked back at her, as he took a step back, defeated. He closed his eyes, the feeling of hopelessness overwhelming him, as the tears silently flowed down his face.

~~~

Debbie knocked again and when there was still no answer, she used the key Michael gave her to open the door into the loft. She noticed that Brian wasn't at the wake and when she asked around and nobody seemed to know where he had gone to, she began to worry about him. She had lost one of her boys. She wasn't about to lose another one.

She saw him immediately, sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch. An almost empty bottle of Jim Beam in his right hand.

"I got this for him over a month ago."

Debbie looked up at him, startled. She wasn't sure he knew that she was the one there, but he always joked that she put so much perfume on, he could smell her a mile away. She put her purse on one of the barstools and then walked over to him, taking a seat on the couch, noticing a box wrapped in a blue paper and a light blue bow on it sitting on the coffee table.

"I almost didn't give it to him," he spoke up again, without looking up at her. "But then I thought, `stop being such a coward and give him what he wants.'"

"I'm sure he would have loved it, whatever it was," she said.

He snorted and turned to look at her. "Yeah. I gave him an even better present. I got him killed." He put the bottle down and

then, unsteadily, stood up.

"Brian…"

"None of this would have happened if only he had gone to the stupid violin recital with Melanie and Lindsay, like he was supposed to. But no, I HAD to go there and change everything. I had to make the stupid wish and now everything's different."

She stood up and walked over to him. "What are you talking about? What wish?"

He just shook his head. "Forget it. It doesn't matter anymore. Won't change anything."

The look of devastation on his face scared her. Debbie took his face in her hands. "This wasn't your fault, kiddo. That's why it's called an accident. It's nobody's fault. It just happened."

"That's bullshit," he shook his head, getting away from her. "I did this."

"The only thing you did was make him happy."

"How do you know?"

"Because he got what he wanted for his birthday. He got to spend his day with you. So, I KNOW that he was happy."

Brian looked away, blinking away the tears. His gaze landed on the blue box still sitting on the coffee table. Same place he put it three days ago, just before he went over to Justin's dorm. Still waiting to be opened. Waiting to be gushed over and smiled at as Justin unwrapped it. Waiting to be put aside while Justin attacked him with his beautiful lips to thank Brian for the gift. And now that will never happen. Justin will never walk through the door and see his present. His eyes will never light up as he rips the blue paper. He'll never feel Justin's lips on his own. Justin's skin against his. NEVER.

Seeing the only outlet for his anger, Brian picked up the blue box and threw it across the room. Debbie jumped, startled at the loud sound of the box smashing against the wall.

"Oh, God," Brian whispered as he realized that he just destroyed the only thing he had left of Justin, of that day. He rushed over and dropped down to his knees, frantically trying to put together the brushes and the pencils among other contents of the box. He saw it in an art store near PIFA one day when he was picking the teen up after class. He had gotten the most expensive…everything. Anything an artist would need. Afterwards, he found a beautiful wooden box to hold it all in. He knew that Justin would love it. He could even imagine the excitement on his lover's face when Justin would open it and read the inscription on the top cover of the box.

Debbie kneeled next to him, trying to help picking up everything off the floor. Suddenly he stopped and picked up the cover of the box. `To Justin from your Number One fan', it read.

"This is why I never wanted this," he said quietly. "I never wanted to love anybody. I never wanted to love HIM."

Debbie stroked the hair on his back. "But you did."

He looked over at her and nodded. He stopped trying to fight the tears off and allowed them to fall freely. Debbie wrapped her arms around his shaking body as he sobbed in her arms.

"I love him."

~~~

Brian opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, trying to remember the events of the previous night. His head was pounding, so he was sure there was a lot of alcohol involved. And then it hit him, like a tidal wave…Justin…the funeral…his admission to Debbie. He was sure that he wouldn't be able to make it through the night, but yet, somehow he was still here. And he knew that he had Debbie to thank for that. Somehow she had gotten him through it.

He sat up and looked around the loft, but Debbie was gone and once again he was alone. And he really didn't want to be alone right now. He got up and started to get dressed, deciding to head to the diner. The rational part of him realized that more than likely Debbie would have taken today off, but being around people, even if they were strangers, was better than staying in the empty loft.

He grabbed the keys from the counter and headed out.

~~~

Brian walked through the door and scanned the crowd for the big red wig. He froze when his eyes landed on a blonde head instead. He didn't move, didn't even breathe, afraid that somehow it would make the vision of Justin in front of him go away. Just then Justin, who was taking an order at the time, turned around and stared back at him. He almost pinched himself to see if it was another dream, but then decided he didn't care. Dream or not, he just wanted to touch Justin just one more time. That's all he cared about, all he could think about at the moment.

Justin felt his heart beating faster as he watched Brian move slowly toward him. They barely spoke, barely even made eye contact during the last five months and it usually happened when they were surrounded by their friends. But that cushion wasn't there right now and Justin could only hope that whatever Brian had to say wouldn't completely destroy him.

"Hey," Justin said, trying to sound nonchalant. "You want a booth?"

But Brian just stared at him. If this was a dream, it seemed real. He could feel the heat radiating from Justin's skin. Could smell the shampoo on the blonde's hair. Brian reached out his hand and touched Justin's cheek, ignoring the teen tensing up. Brian gasped. He felt so real. He WAS real.

Suddenly Justin found himself in a bear hug, barely able to breathe.

"You're alive," Brian felt the lump in his throat grow. "It worked. You're alive," he repeated.

Justin tried to remain rational and not let the fact that this was the first time in five months that he and Brian touched get to him. "And you're hung over," he said, trying to pull away from the taller man. "Come on, I'll get you some coffee."

But Brian refused to let go of him and just held on tighter, trying to make the tremors in his body disappear.

"Brian, are you ok?" Justin asked when he felt the ad exec's whole body shaking. "What's wrong?" he asked with concern when Brian hugged him even closer. "Brian, what's wrong?"

Brian took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. It worked. He had reversed the wish. And everything was going to be ok now. Justin's alive. Justin's ok. That nightmare was over.

"Come with me," he said, holding out his hand.

Justin looked down at his hand, then up at him. "What for?" He was beginning to get suspicious again, convinced that Brian had something planned to shove him off yet another cliff. He should have known that something was wrong the night before, when he saw Brian leave Babylon alone. That hadn't happened in five months.

"To talk," Brian said quietly.

"To talk?" Justin scoffed. "NOW you wanna talk? After all this time you…"

"Please."

Something in Brian's eyes told him that this wasn't some trick to hurt him even more. Something was wrong. And Brian needed him. That was all that mattered. Brian needed him.

Justin took his apron off, tossing it on the counter, then placed his hand into Brian's and the two of them walked out of the diner.

~~~

They drove to the loft in silence, neither one knowing what to say. Brian was still trying to grasp the fact that he was back and that Justin wasn't hurt. And Justin kept running all the possible things Brian would want to talk about through his mind.

Brian pulled the door open and let Justin through, walking in behind him. After he threw the keys on the counter he watched Justin look around the loft. He knew he should say something, but so many thoughts were running through his mind and he couldn't grab onto any one in particular. So, he went over to fridge and opened it instead, stalling.

"You want a beer?" he asked, turning to the teen.

Justin shook his head. "Isn't it a little early for that?" he asked when Brian took out a bottle of beer and unscrewed the cap, taking a big chug.

When Brian didn't respond, Justin walked up closer to him. "Are you going to tell me what you wanted to talk about? Because I am missing my shift. And considering that I'll probably be fired since I didn't tell anybody I was leaving…"

"I…" Brian started, but he just didn't know what to say. He couldn't possibly tell Justin the truth. That he had made a wish that changed everything. Justin would probably call the men in the white suites right there and then.

Justin waited, but nothing came out of Brian's mouth. He could tell that it was something serious, something important. A terrifying thought flew through his mind. "You're not…dying. Are you?"

And the most amazing thing happened. Brian actually smiled. "No. I'm not dying," he said, shaking his head.

Justin sighed in relief and smiled as well. "So, then what? What did you need to talk to me about that was so important?"

Brian opened his mouth, then closed it. He put the beer bottle down and cleared his throat. When he looked up the two blue eyes were still trained on him. "I…just…uh…I've been thinking…about things…and…" He looked away again. What was he trying to say? What did he need to say?

"Brian?"

Brian took a deep breath in and looked back at him. "I just don't ever want to feel…that way again."

"What way?"

"The way I felt when I lost you." He looked down, trying to get the image of Justin's lifeless body in his arms out of his head.

"Lost me?" Justin took a step closer to him. "Brian, you didn't lose me. I'm still here," he said quietly, with a small smile playing on his lips.

Brian raised his gaze to meet Justin's. "But I did," he whispered. "You were lying there…bleeding…and I…"

Justin narrowed his eyes. "Is that what this is about? The prom? The bashing? Because I thought you said we should just move on and not think about it." He felt confused. Why after all this time Brian would bring it up.

"No…" Brian shook his head. "I…"

"Brian, I'm ok. I'm here and I'm ok and it's over. You said that yourself." Justin felt his chest getting heavy when he saw tears in Brian's eyes. "I'm ok, Brian. I'm alive. And I intend on staying that way," he smiled and took Brian's face in his hands. "You can't lose me. You'll NEVER lose me. I'll never leave." He had to make sure that Brian understood exactly WHAT he was saying.

Brian took a step back, slipping out of Justin's touch. "What about…"

"Ethan?" Brian shook his head and Justin sighed. "Ethan was just…something I THOUGHT I wanted."

"Thought?"

"Yes. But I was still here…waiting…"

"For what?"

A sad smile spread across Justin's face. "What do you think? What I've always been waiting for. Always WILL be waiting for. For you. For you to let me in."

He searched Justin's face and he knew that the young man was telling the truth. His feelings hadn't changed. Justin wanted to be with him. Now more than ever. It was time to stop being a coward. "Justin, I…" He stopped. It was easy to say those words

to Lindsay or Michael or to other ten thousand people. Because they didn't have the same power Justin had over him. They couldn't hurt him. Not like Justin could. Had. "I…lo…"

Justin stared at him expectantly.

"Fuck!" Brian exclaimed, throwing his arms up. "Why is it so FUCKING hard?!"

The next thing he knew, Justin's mouth was attacking his.

They quickly made their way to the bedroom without once losing contact with each other. The two of them stood next to the bed, devouring each other's mouths. After pulling Justin's shirt off, Brian gently lowered his lover on the bed. Removing his own clothes quickly and taking Justin's pants off, he got on the bed as well and into awaiting arms and lips of the blonde, his tongue immediately going to work again.

He was in the process of devouring Justin's neck when suddenly Brian pulled away.

"Brian?" Justin panted. "What's wrong?"

Brian looked into his eyes. "I…I don't want you to think that this was planned or…"

"Brian," Justin cut him off, a smile spreading across his face. "Shut up."

The older man smiled when Justin pulled his head down, covering his lips.

Brian reached for the condom and lube, needing to be inside Justin, to feel as close to his lover as humanly possible. He rolled the condom on his cock and covered it with lube. He raised Justin's leg up on his shoulder and carefully slid inside the tight hole, making the teen moan. He pushed in all the way, then stopped. Opening his eyes, he gazed down at Justin. "I missed you," he whispered.

Justin's eyes fluttered opened and he smiled. "I missed you too."

Brian leaned down and kissed Justin as he slid out, then back in Justin's hole, slowly at first. He picked up the tempo as the two of them were close to cumming. They climaxed together.

Brian collapsed on top of Justin, both of them panting.

When his breathing returned to normal Brian began to pull away, but was stopped by Justin's arms wrapped tightly around his body. The blonde held his lover closer as his lips found Brian's once again.

~~~

Later that night, when the exhaustion prevented them from going at it again, the two of them lied silently, wrapped in each other's arms, both lost in thought.

"Brian?" Justin's voice broke the silence.

"Hmm."

Justin rolled on his back and looked up at the other man. "What happens now?"

Brian lifted himself up and positioned himself on top of Justin. He stared down at the teen, then leaned in and placed a soft kiss on the younger man's lips.

"We try again," he said.

"And if…what if it doesn't work?" Justin asked, nervously.

Brian looked at him, gently brushing the blonde hair off Justin's forehead. "We try again," he simply said.

Justin smiled at him, relieved to know that Brian wanted to make this work as much as he did. Brian leaned in and kissed him again.

"I just wish that…," Justin began, but Brian silenced him, putting his hand over Justin's lips.

"No more wishing," he whispered. Settling back into the spot he occupied before, he added, "Now, let's get some sleep."

Justin rolled on his side, Brian's arms around him once again…both content and happy.

"Brian?"

"Hmm." He thought that Justin was already asleep.

"One more thing."

"What?"

"If you try to fuck yourself over again because you decide that it's for my own good…I'll cut your dick off."

Justin didn't need to turn around to know the expression on Brian's face right now.

Brian was shocked to realize that Justin knew what he did all along. And then a wave of relief went through him. Justin knew. He knew everything. There was no need for words. There was no need for explanations. And there was no need for secrets.

Justin felt Brian chuckle behind him. "Yes, dear," Brian said, bringing a smile to his lover's face.

The End.

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