8 Providing Examples
In our daily conversations, we often provide examples—that is, details, particulars, specific instances—to explain statements that we make. Consider the several statements and supporting examples in the box below:
Statement
The A&P was crowded today.
The corduroy shirt I bought is poorly made.
My son Peter is unreliable.
Examples
There were at least four carts waiting at each of the checkout counters, and it took me forty-five minutes to get through a line.
When I washed it, the colors began to fade, one button cracked and another fell off, a shoulder seam opened, and the sleeves shrank almost two inches.
If I depend on him to turn off a pot of beans in ten minutes, the family is likely to eat burned beans. If I ask him to turn down the thermostat before he goes to bed, the heat is likely to stay on all night.
In each case, the examples help us see for ourselves the truth of the statement that has been made. In paragraphs, too, explanatory examples help the audience fully understand a point. Lively, specific examples also add interest to a paper.
In this chapter, you will be asked to provide a series of examples to support a topic sentence. Providing examples to support a point is one of the most common and simplest methods of paragraph development. First read the paragraphs ahead; they all use examples to develop their points. Then answer the questions that follow.
Paragraphs to Consider
Inconsiderate Drivers
1Some people are inconsiderate drivers. 2In the city, they will at times stop right in the middle of the street while looking for a certain home or landmark. 3If they had any consideration for the cars behind them, they would pull over to the curb first. 4Other drivers will be chatting on their cell phones and then slow down unexpectedly at a city intersection to make a right or left turn. 5The least they could do is use their turn signals to let those behind them know in advance of their intention. 6On the highway, a common example of inconsiderateness is night drivers who fail to turn off their high beams, creating glare for cars approaching in the other direction. 7Other rude highway drivers move to the second or passing lane and then stay there, making it impossible for cars behind to go around them. 8Yet other drivers who act as if they have special privileges are those who do not wait their turn in bottleneck situations where the cars in two lanes must merge alternately into one lane. 9Perhaps the most inconsiderate drivers are those who throw trash out their windows, creating litter that takes away some of the pleasure of driving and that must be paid for with everyone's tax dollars.
Office Politics
1Office politics is a destructive game played by several types of people. 2For instance, two supervisors may get into a conflict over how to do a certain job. 3Instead of working out an agreement like adults, they carry on a power struggle that turns the poor employees under them into human Ping-Pong balls being swatted between two angry players. 4Another common example of office politics is the ambitious worker who takes credit for other people's ideas. 5He or she will chat in a “friendly” fashion with inexperienced employees, getting their ideas about how to run the office more smoothly. 6Next thing you know, Mr. or Ms. Idea-Stealer is having a closed-door session with the boss and getting promotion points for his or her “wonderful creativity.” 7Yet another illustration of office politics is the spy. 8This employee acts very buddy-buddy with other workers, often dropping little comments about things he or she doesn't like in the workplace. 9The spy encourages people to talk about their problems at work, how they don't like their boss, the pay, and the working conditions. 10Then the spy goes straight back and repeats all he or she has heard to the boss, and the employees get blamed for their “poor attitude.” 11A final example of office politics is people who gossip. 12Too often, office politics can turn a perfectly fine work situation into a stressful one.
An Egotistical Neighbor
1I have an egotistical neighbor named Alice. 2If I tell Alice how beautiful her dress is, she will take the time to tell me the name of the store where she bought it, the type of material that was used in making it, and the price. 3Alice is also egotistical when it comes to her children. 4Because they are hers, she thinks they just have to be the best children on the block. 5I am wasting my time by trying to tell her I have seen her kids expose themselves on the street or take things from parked cars. 6I do not think parents should praise their children too much. 7Kids have learned how to be good at home and simply awful when they are not at home. 8Finally, Alice is quick to describe the furnishings of her home for someone who is meeting her for the first time. 9She tells how much she paid for the paneling in her dining room. 10She mentions that she has three color television sets and that they were bought at an expensive furniture store. 11She lets the person know that the stereo set in her living room cost more than a thousand dollars, and that she has such a large collection of CDs that she would not be able to play them all in one week. 12Poor Alice is so self-centered that she never realizes how boring she can be.
Questions
About Unity
1. Which two sentences in “An Egotistical Neighbor” are irrelevant to the point that Alice is egotistical? (Write the sentence numbers here.)
______________ ______________
About Support
2. In “Inconsiderate Drivers,” how many examples are given of inconsiderate drivers?
______ two ______ four ______ six ______ seven
3. After which sentence in “Office Politics” are specific details needed?
______________
About Coherence
4. What are the four transition words or phrases that are used to introduce each new example in “Office Politics”?
______________ ______________ ______________ ______________
5. What two transition words are used to introduce examples in “An Egotistical Neighbor”?
______________ ______________
6. Which paragraph clearly uses emphatic order to organize its details, saving for last what the writer regards as the most important example?
________________________________
Developing an Examples Paragraph
Development through Prewriting
Backing up your statements with clear, specific illustrations is the key to a successful examples paragraph. When Charlene, the writer of “Office Politics,” was assigned an examples paragraph, she at first did not know what to write about.
Then her teacher made a suggestion. “Imagine yourself having lunch with some friends,” the teacher said. “You're telling them how you feel about something and why. Maybe you're saying, `I am so mad at my boyfriend!' or `My new apartment is really great.' You wouldn't stop there—you'd continue by saying what your boyfriend does that is annoying, or in what way your apartment is nice. In other words, you'd be making a general point and backing it up with examples. That's what you need to do in this paper.”
That night, Charlene was on the telephone with her brother. She was complaining about the office where she worked. “Suddenly I realized what I was doing,” Charlene said. “I was making a statement—I hate the politics in my office—and giving examples of those politics. I knew what I could write about!”
Charlene began preparing to write her paragraph by freewriting. She gave herself ten minutes to write down everything she could think of on the subject of politics in her office. This is what she wrote:
Of all the places I've ever worked this one is the worst that way. Can't trust anybody there—everybody's playing some sort of game. Worst one of all is Bradley and the way he pretends to be friendly with people. Gets them to complain about Ms. Bennett and Mr. Hankins and then runs back to them and reports everything. He should realize that people are catching on to his game and figuring out what a jerk he is. Melissa steals people's ideas and then takes credit for them. Anything to get brownie points. She's always out for herself first, you can tell. Then there's all the gossip that goes on. You think you're in a soap opera or something, and it's kind of fun in a way but it also is very distracting people always talking about each other and worrying about what they say about you. And people talk about our bosses a lot. Nobody knows why Ms. Bennett and Mr. Hankins hate each other so much but they each want the workers on their side. You do something one boss's way, but then the other boss appears and is angry that you're not doing it another way. You don't know what to do at times to keep people happy.
Charlene read over her freewriting and then spent some time asking questions about her paragraph. “Exactly what do I want my point to be?” she asked. “And exactly how am I going to support that point?” Keeping those points in mind, she worked on several scratch outlines and wound up with the following:
Office politics are ruining the office.
1. Bradley reports people's complaints.
2. Melissa steals ideas.
3. People gossip.
4. Ms. Bennett and Mr. Hankins make workers choose sides.
Working from this outline, she then wrote the following first draft:
My office is being ruined by office politics. It seems like everybody is trying to play some sort of game to get ahead and don't care what it does to anybody else. One example is Bradley. Although he pretends to be friendly with people he isn't sincere. What he is trying to do is get them to complain about their bosses. Once they do, he goes back to the bosses and tells them what's been said and gets the worker in trouble. I've seen the same kind of thing happen at two other offices where I've worked. Melissa is another example of someone who plays office politics games. She steals other people's ideas and takes the credit for them. I had a good idea once to save paper. I told her we ought to use e-mail to send office memos instead of typing them on paper. She went to Ms. Bennett and pretended the idea was hers. I guess I was partly to blame for not acting on the idea myself. And Ms. Bennett and Mr. Hankins hate each other and try to get us to take sides in their conflict. Then there is all the gossip that goes on. People do a lot of backbiting, and you have to be very careful about your behavior or people will start talking about you. All in all, office politics is really a problem where I work.
Development through Revising
After completing her first draft, Charlene put it aside until the next day. When she reread it, this was her response:
“I think the paragraph would be stronger if I made it about office politics in general instead of just politics in my office. The things I was writing about happen in many offices, not just in mine. And our instructor wants us to try some third-person writing. Also, I need to make better use of transitions to help the reader follow as I move from one example to another.”
With these thoughts in mind, Charlene began revising her paper, and after several drafts she produced the paragraph that appears on page 172.
Writing an Examples Paragraph
Writing Assignment 1
The assignment here is to complete an unfinished paragraph (in the box), which has as its topic sentence, “My husband Roger is a selfish person.” Provide the supporting details needed to develop the examples of Roger's selfishness. The first example has been done for you.
A Selfish Person
My husband Roger is a selfish person. For one thing, he refuses to move out of the city, even though it is a bad place to raise the children.
Also, when we go on vacation, we always go where Roger wants to
go.
Another example of Roger's selfishness is that he always spends any
budget money that is left over.
Finally, Roger leaves all the work of caring for the children to me.
Prewriting
a On a separate piece of paper, jot down a couple of answers for each of the following questions:
• What specific vacations did the family go on because Roger wanted to go? Write down particular places, length of stay, time of year. What vacations has the family never gone on (for example, to visit the wife's relatives), even though the wife wanted to?
• What specific items has Roger bought for himself (rather than for the whole family's use) with leftover budget money?
• What chores and duties involved in the everyday caring for the children has Roger never done?
Note: Your instructor may ask you to work with one or two other students in generating the details needed to develop the three examples in the paragraph. The groups may then be asked to read their details aloud, with the class deciding which details are the most effective for each example.
Here and in general in your writing, try to generate more supporting material than you need. You are then in a position to choose the most convincing details for your paper.
b Read over the details you have generated and decide which sound most effective. Jot down additional details as they occur to you.
c Take your best details, reshape them as needed, and use them to complete the paragraph about Roger.
Revising
Read over the paragraph you have written. Ask yourself these questions:
• Do the examples I have provided really support the idea that Roger is selfish?
• Are there enough examples to make my point about Roger and have people agree with me?
• Have I checked my paper for spelling and other sentence skills, as listed on the inside front cover of the book?
Continue revising your work until you can answer “yes” to all these questions.
Writing Assignment 2
Write an examples paragraph about one quality of a person you know well. The person might be a member of your family, a friend, a roommate, a boss or supervisor, a neighbor, an instructor, or someone else. Here is a list of descriptive qualities that you might consider choosing from. Feel free to choose another quality that does not appear here.
Honest Hardworking Jealous
Bad-tempered Supportive Materialistic
Ambitious Suspicious Sarcastic
Prejudiced Open-minded Self-centered
Considerate Lazy Spineless
Argumentative Independent Good-humored
Softhearted Stubborn Cooperative
Energetic Flirtatious Self-disciplined
Patient Irresponsible Sentimental
Reliable Stingy Defensive
Generous Trustworthy Dishonest
Persistent Aggressive Insensitive
Shy Courageous Unpretentious
Sloppy Compulsive Tidy
Prewriting
a Select the individual you will write about and the quality of this person that you will focus on. For example, you might choose your cousin and her quality of self-discipline. This will be the point of your paper.
b Make a list of examples that will support your point. Such a list about the self-disciplined cousin might look like this:
Exercises every day for forty-five minutes
Never lets herself watch TV until homework is done
Keeps herself on a strict budget
Organizes her school papers in color-coordinated notebooks
Eats no more than one dessert every week
Balances her checkbook the day her statement arrives
c Read over your list and see how you might group the items into categories. The list above, for example, could be broken into three categories: schoolwork, fitness, and money.
Exercises every day for forty-five minutes (fitness)
Never lets herself watch TV until homework is done (schoolwork)
Keeps herself on a strict budget (money)
Organizes her school papers in color-coordinated notebooks (schoolwork)
Eats no more than one dessert every week (fitness)
Balances her checkbook the day her bank statement arrives (money)
d Prepare a scratch outline made up of the details you've generated, with those details grouped into appropriate categories.
1. Self-disciplined about fitness
A. Exercises every day for forty-five minutes
B. Eats no more than one dessert every week
2. Self-disciplined about schoolwork
A. Never lets herself watch TV until homework is done
B. Organizes her school papers in color-coordinated notebooks
3. Self-disciplined about money
A. Keeps herself on a strict budget
B. Balances her checkbook the day her bank statement arrives
e Write the topic sentence of your paragraph. You should include the name of the person you're writing about, your relationship to that person, and the specific quality you are focusing on. For example, you might write, “Keisha, a schoolmate of mine, is very flirtatious,” or “Stubbornness is Uncle Carl's outstanding characteristic.” And a topic sentence for the paragraph about the self-disciplined cousin might be: “My cousin Mari is extremely self-disciplined.”
Remember to focus on only one characteristic. Also remember to focus on a specific quality, not a vague, general quality. For instance, “My English instructor is a nice person” is too general.
f Now you have a topic sentence and an outline and are ready to write the first draft of your paragraph. Remember, as you flesh out the examples, that your goal is not just to tell us about the person but to show us the person by detailing his or her words, actions, or both. In preparation for this writing assignment, you might want to go back and reread the examples provided in “An Egotistical Neighbor.”
Revising
It's hard to criticize your own work honestly, especially right after you've done it. If at all possible, put your paragraph away for a day or so and then return to it. Better yet, wait a day and then read it aloud to a friend whose judgment you trust.
Read the paragraph with these questions in mind:
• Does my topic sentence clearly state whom I am writing about, what that person's relationship is to me, and what quality of that person I am going to focus on?
• Do the examples I provide truly show that my subject has the quality I'm writing about?
• Have I provided enough specific details to solidly support my point that my subject has a certain quality?
• Have I organized the details in my paragraph into several clearly defined categories?
• Have I used transitional words such as also, in addition, for example, and for instance to help the reader follow my train of thought?
• Have I checked my paper for sentence skills, as listed on the inside front cover of the book?
Continue revising your work until you and your reader can answer “yes” to all these questions.
Writing Assignment 3
Write a paragraph that uses examples to develop one of the following statements or a related statement of your own.
1. ________________ is a distracting place to try to study.
2. The daily life of a student is filled with conflicts.
3. Abundant evidence exists that the United States has become a health-conscious nation.
4. Despite modern appliances, many household chores are still drudgery.
5. One of my instructors, ________________, has some good (or unusual) teaching techniques.
6. Wasted electricity is all around us.
7. Life in the United States is faster-paced today than ever before.
8. Violence on television is widespread.
9. Today, some people are wearing ridiculous fashions.
10. Some students here at ________________ do not care about learning (or are overly concerned about grades).
Be sure to choose examples that truly support your topic sentence. They should be relevant facts, statistics, personal experiences, or incidents you have heard or read about. Organize your paragraph by listing several examples that support your point. Save the most vivid, most convincing, or most important example for last.
Writing Assignment 4
Write a paragraph with this topic sentence: “The diet of the average American is unhealthy.” Using strategies described in the chapter on the library and the Internet (pages 311-328), research the topic. Your reading will help you think about just how to proceed with the paper.
Writing Assignment 5
Imagine that you are a television critic for a daily newspaper. Your job is to recommend to viewers, every day, the programs most worth watching. You've decided that there is nothing particularly good on TV today. Therefore, your plan is to write a one-paragraph article about TV commercials, supporting this point: “Television advertisements are more entertaining than the programs they interrupt.” To prepare for this article, spend some time watching television, taking detailed notes on several ads. Decide on two or three ways in which the ads are entertaining; these ways will be the main supporting points in your outline. Then choose at least one ad to use as a specific example to illustrate each of those points. Here are some entertaining qualities that may be seen in ads:
Humor
Cleverness
Music
Drama
Emotion
Suspense
Beauty
We inherited some money when my parents died, and it might be enough for a down payment on a small house in a nearby town. But Roger says he would miss his buddies in the neighborhood.