AllstoriesinthisanthologyremainthecopyrightofJoanneEfendi.

Pleasedonotcopyorreproduceanypartofthisbookfordistributionwithoutwrittenpermissionfrom

theauthor.

Thisanthologyandtheworkscontainedwithinareworksoffiction.Names,characters,placesand

situationsareproductsoftheauthor’simagination.Anysimilaritiestopeople,placesoreventsare

coincidentalandnotintentional.

*SecondChancewaspreviouslypublishedin2014inTiedinPink,ABreastCancerAnthology.Ithas

beenrewrittenforan18+adultaudience.

CoverDesignbyJayAheer

Copyright©2017JoanneEfendi

Allrightsreserved.

ISBN-10:1542416191

ISBN-13:978-1542416191

DEDICATION

Toanyonethathaseverloved

andlostlove

Tothedreamersandcoffeelovers

ToloversofBgrademovies

Tothosethatstillbelieveintruelove

andaHEA

Thisisforyou.

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

1. ObsessedWithBodi

2. SecondChance

3. TrappedInHisEmbrace

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Mypastiswhatmakesme.Neverbeafraidtobeyourself,andneverapologiseforbeingyou.Haveno

regrets.Liveyourlifetoyourfullpotentialandlovehard.

ThanksalwaystomypartnerincrimeandBFFSammy.Withoutyou,mylifeadventureswouldn’tbe

nearlyasmuchfun.Here’stoanothertwenty-fiveplusyearsofcrazyfun.

Andasalways,tomyfamily,DadandMum,whoIappreciatemorethantheyrealise,andmytwo

boys,ChakraandJarva.Followyourpassion,andnevergiveuponyourdreams.

OBSESSEDWITHBODI

CHAPTER1

“THREE...TWO...ONE...HAPPYNewYear.”

Thescreenonmytelevisionburstintoaseriesofcolourfulfireworksasthetelevisionpresenterrang

inthenewyear.Vibrantexplosionsofredsandgreensflickeredonthescreenilluminatingmydimlylit
hotel room, with the cliche Katy Perry song playing along in time to the bursts of colour. The camera
panned from the fireworks display on Sydney Harbour to couples kissing passionately in the park, all
celebrating the ‘out with the old, in with the new’. It was all a load of bullshit if you asked me. How
couldonenightchangeanything?IknewthatinthemorningI’dwakeupandstillbeasaloneasIwas
now.Nothingnewthere.Justthesameoldshit.

The bubbly blonde television presenter raised a glass of champagne and shouted, “May all your

dreamscometrue,”downthelensofthecameraandproceededtoblowapartywhistle,whilstallaround
herpartyrevellerscontinuedtohugandkisseachother.Itwasonebigfuckinglovein.Itmademesick.

“Yep, here’s to dreams coming true. Happy Fucking New Year,” I muttered back to the TV with my

ownraisedglassofchampagne,thendownedtheliquidinonemouthful.Itwasn’tmyfirstforthenight,
andcertainlywouldn’tbethelast.

ThebubblesoftheexpensiveFrenchchampagneexplodeddeliciouslyonmytongue.NormallyIloved

champagne,tonighthoweveritdidverylittletowipethesourtastefrommymouth.Tonightshouldhave
beenanightofcelebrating--welltechnicallyitwas--itjustdidn’tapplytome.GrabbingthebottleofDom
PerignonfromthecoffeetableIneckedstraightfromthebottle,thistimebypassingthefancycrystalglass.
Ididn’tneedtobecivilised.Ijustneededtogetdrunk...fast!Ineededtoforget,thatdespitethenumberof
peopleinmylife,howaloneIreallyfelt.Nonemoresothantonight.

***

Loudbangsonthedoorofmyhotelsuiterousedmefrommydrunkencoma.Withmyeyesstillglued

shut,Irolledoffthecouchlandingontomyhandsandknees.Mychampagneheadachethudinprotest.It
was a myth that top shelf alcohol didn’t cause a hangover. All it did was make for an expensive one,
oftenfollowedbydaysofregret.

Cracking an eyelid, I used the coffee table as leverage to stand, jostling about the items scattered

across the table top. Discarded empty champagne bottles clinked against each other as the table shook,
causingthemtorolloffandontothecarpetlivingroomfloorwithadullthud.

Nudginganemptybottleoutofthewaywithmytoe,Ishuffledmywayacrossthehotelsuitetoward

thedoor.TheTVwasstillswitchedon,andbythelooksofit,theannualNewYearsDaymoviemarathon
hadalreadystarted.MegRyanwasmidfakeorgasmslammingherhandsonthetablescreamingdownthe
NewYorkcafe.Fuckknowsit’dbeenalongtimesinceI’dfeltanythinglikethat,fakeornot.Infact,I’d
never felt anything that earth shattering before, and given my current situation, I probably wouldn’t for
some time either. Dry spell couldn’t even begin to describe my sex life. It was more like a drought of
biblicalproportions.

TheunrelentingpoundingonthehoteldooronlyceasedwhenmyPAandchildhoodbestfriendbegan

yellingatmethroughthethickwoodpaneling.“OpenupHayley.It’sme.”

“I’mcoming!”Myraspyvoicesoundedmorelikethatofaneightyyearoldemphysemasuffererthana

twenty-fiveyearold,duetomybadhabitofsmokingcigaretteswheneverIwentonanalcoholicfuelled
bender.Whichwasbecomingmorefrequentthannotthesedays.

BeforeIopenedthedoorforher,Ipausedtoforceopenmytired,blearyeyesandwipethemoftheir

crusted gunk. Then finally, I opened the door, putting an end to the noise pollution misery she was
inflictingonme.

“Hey,”Icroakedather.Mythroatliterallyfeltlikethenicotinehadburnedaholeinmyesophagus.

“What’swiththeutterlyobnoxiouswakeupcall?”

“What’swithyourvoice?Haveyoubeensmokingagain?”sheaskedasshepushedmeaside,walking

directlytothesittingareaofthehotelsuitewhereIhadjustbeen,passedoutonthecouch.Shescrewed
hernoseupindistasteattheoverflowingashtrayonthetable.Icouldn’tblameher.Therewasamassive
messofdampcigaretteashandspiltchampagneonthetabletop.

“Hayley, you know what the doctor said about smoking after your voice strain. We can’t afford to

cancelanymoreshows.”ShereprimandedmelikeIwasanaughtychild.“Ifyoucan’tsing,thebandcan’t
perform.It’sassimpleasthat.”

Ifloppedontothecouch.“HappyNewYeartoyoutooClaire.”

“Yes, Happy New Year to you too,” she snapped back, sounding anything but happy as she began

tidyingupthemess,startingwiththeashtray.

Sometimes,likenow,IregrettedemployingherasmyPA.Weneverhadfuntogetheranymore.Notlike

we used to anyway. Our lives now revolved around my media appointments and the band. And when I
wanted to cut loose, she always had to be the fun police and make sure my antics didn’t reach the
tabloids,especiallyafterthelasttime.

Ashtrayinhandshepausedinfrontofmeandglaredaccusinglyoverthetopofherthickblackframe

glasses.“So,Iseeyouwentoutlastnighttoo.Eventhoughyoutoldmeyouweren’t.”Sheindicatedatthe
clothesIwasstillwearingfromlastnight.

Isighed.Ididn’thavetheenergytoarguewithher.“Ididn’tgooutlastnight.”IfIwasn’tsohungover

Iwouldhavesnappedbacksomethingsarcastic,butasitwas,Iwasflatoutkeepingmystomachcontents
down.

Shescruncheduphernoseagainandlookedtowardthebedroom.“Wellifyoudidn’tgoout,thenwhy

areyoustilldressedinyourjeansandtanktop?Didyouhookupaswellasgettingshitfaced?”

Iplumpedupacushionandlieddown,rubbingatmytiredeyes.“No,Ididn’thookup.IfIdid,I’m

prettysureI’dbebuttassnakedstillshaggingsomerandom,andnotdressedinmyclothesfromlastnight.
Butifyoumustknow,lastnightIfellasleeponmycouch...alone...afterthreebottlesofDom...”

“Threebottles!Byyourself!Hayley,youneedtostopdoingthis.Asocialdrinksure...”

Iheldupafingertosilenceher,“...andhalfabottleofbourbon.”

Herjawdropped,butbeforeshecouldcontinueonherrantImadeastopmotionwithmyhand.“Okay,

okay.Stopwiththelecturesalready.ThatwasthelastbingeIpromise.NewYearsresolution.”

“Asifyou’llsticktothat.”Sheputtheashtraybackonthetableandcrossedherarmsinfrontofher

chest.“Yousaidyou’dstopbingingtwonightsago,andthenightbeforethat.Youpromisedeveryoneafter
thosepapphotoswerepublished...”

“I said stop.” I snapped at her. My head spun as I sat up in a rush. Just the thought of my most

embarrassingmoment,thatalsohappenedtobecaughtonapaparazzo’scamera,broughtouttheworstin
me.Andofcourseitalsohappenedtogoviralthankstoonlinegossipsites.Ishudderedatthememoryof
the headlines: ‘Is Australian Goddess of Rock Hayley Davis the next Brittany Spears?’ ‘Drunk,
Pantyless,andOutOfControl.RockMusic’sLatestPinUpGirlHayleyDavisLosesHerShine.’

Icontinuedtounleashonher.“Idon’tneedyoutoremindmeaboutthosephotos.HowcouldIforget?

EatingbitumenoutsidethatclubinLA,withmyskirtaroundmywaistandmycuntupinair.”

Clairesniffed,hernosepointedhighintheair.“Noneedtobesovulgar.I’mjusttryingtolookout

afteryou,that’sall.”

Great,nowI’dmadehercry.AsifIdidn’tfeelcrappyenoughalready.Whatafuckingincrediblefirst

day of the year. It can’t get much worse, right? I ran my fingers through my long wavy dark blond hair.
“I’msorryClaire.Ididn’tmeantoyellatyou.It’sjustthistour.It’skillingme.Theschedulesucksballs.
It’sunrelenting.Incaseyouhaveforgotten,Idon’tgettospendChristmaswithfamilylikeeveryoneelse.
Andbeforeyousayanything,IknowIshouldbegratefulforoursuccessandallthat,butIjustdon’tknow
ifIcangetonthatplanetomorrow.Idon’tthinkIcanstandanotherminuteinaconfinedspacebreathing
recirculatedair.AndIespeciallydon’twanttobearoundBodiandthatskankwhoreKat.Thebandhasn’t
beenthesamesincehehookedupwithher.Areyousurewecan’tkickherandherwanna-bebandoffthe
tour as our support act? She’s got no talent and is just using him for publicity to open music doors for
her.”

Claireshookherheadandraisedhereyebrowsatme.“Nowecan’tkickthemoff.Thecontractwith

therecordlabeliswatertight.ButI’mgladyoubroughtuphername.She’soneofthereasonsIcameover
toseeyounow.Ihavegossip.”

Isatupstraighter.“Okay,spill.Youhavemyfullattention.”

Clairesatdownoppositeme,absentmindedlymovingthingsaboutonthetableinfrontofherwhile

shetalked.“YouwererightaboutBodiandKatbeingatMark’spartylastnight.Talkaboutexcitement.It
wasbetterviewingthanprimetime.Andnotbecausetheyweresuckingface.Theyhadahugeargumentin
front of everyone...and your name was mentioned by Kat on more than one occasion. You should have
comewithmeinsteadofdrinkingaloneinyoursuiteandpassingoutonyourcouch.”

Suddenly the fog in my head cleared a little as I took in what Claire was telling me. “Really? Why

would my existence even concern her? She hasn’t muttered two words to me since we landed in
Australia.”Ismiled,probablyalittlemoreevilthatIintendedto.“Whatelsedidshesay?”

“Well,Icouldn’treallyhearthewholeconversationovertheDJ,andtheywereoutside,butKatyelled

yournameathimacoupleoftimesduringtheargument,thentheybothleft.Separately.Andbothaspissed
offaseachothertoo.”

“Ihopethatthismeansshe’snotcomingontheNorthAmericantour.”

Claire raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow. “I tell you that Bodi has had a huge fight with his

girlfriend, with your name thrown in the mix, and that’s all you want to know. If she’s coming on tour?

Which,bytheway,Icanassureyouwillgoaheadasplanned.”

Ishrugged.“Wishfulthinking?”

Eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Is there something more going on here that you’re not telling me?

BetweenyouandBodi?I’veseenthewayyoulookathim.”

I feigned shock, forcing a tight laugh through clenched teeth. “Of course not. You must be imagining

things.Thestressofthisjobmustbegettingtoyouorsomething.YouknowBodiandIarelikefamily.
We’vebeenineachother’slivessincewewereinthewomb.I’mjustworriedhowKat’sinputwilleffect
Bodiandhisguitarplaying,andourwritingmojo.Heistheleadguitaristandmyco-writer.Shecouldbe
thenextYokoforallyouknow.”

I held my breath, hoping she bought my lie. I hoped Claire never found out the truth. Because if she

did,I’dneverliveitdown.

“Uh-huh.Ifeelyoudothprotestalittletoomuch.”Clairepursedherlipsinthought,thenrootedaround

in her oversized handbag muttering something unintelligible under her breath before she handed me an
envelope. “Whatever. Anyway, the flight for New York leaves at four this afternoon. Your ticket and
itineraryareintheenvelope.I’vearrangedacartopickyouupatone,which...,”sheglancedbrieflyat
herwristwatch,“...givesyoufourhourstogetready.”Shepaused,andfixedherstareonapointatthe
wallbeforetakingahugebreath.“Hayley,Iknowyou’restrugglingwithKatandwithwhateverelseis
goingonbetweenyouandBodi,butfinishingthistouriscrucial.Thebandissoclosetogoingnumber
onewith‘SomeSevenDays’,notonlyontheARIAchartsbutalsotheUSBillboardcharts.Andoncethe
production guys and I finish cutting together the music video for ‘Breathe’ with the tour footage of the
Australasianleg,therewillbenostoppingtheband.”

“Wait. What? You’re not coming to New York with us? With me? You’re staying here?” My voice

gettinghigherandmorepanickedwitheachquestion.“Youhavetocome.”Eventhoughshedidn’tknow
it,andwhatwasgoingon,IneededhertobetheretohelpmeholdmyshittogetherwhenIsawhim.“Can
youatleastcomewithmetotheairport?”

She shook her head. “I can’t. I’ve got to head to the production studio, like right now. I’ll join you

thereinthenextcoupleofdays.”

“You’regoingtothestudio?Now?Youcan’twork.It’sNewYearsDay.”

“There’snoquestionofmenotworkingtoday.Wecan’tallsitaroundnursinghangovers.That’snot

whatyoupaymefor.Thesongandvideoaredueforreleasetocoincidewithyourfirstperformancein
NewYork.Justpromisemeyou’llbeonthatflight.”

I exhaled loudly, defeated at the thought of possibly seeing Bodi and Kat together at the airport,

withoutmybestfriendbeingthereasasupport.Iwasalmostpositivetheywouldhavekissedandmade
upnow,whichwouldmaketheirPDAevenmorenauseating.

“YouknowI’llbeonthatdamnflight.Thisismydreamtoo,andI’mnotgoingtoletsomecheapfame

whorefuckitupforme.I’veworkedtoohardtoletthathappen.Wecanonlyhopetheirfightlastnight
willamounttothembreakingup.Evenifitmeanstherestofthetourwillbeawkwardbetweenourband
andtheirs.”

IlookedawaybeforeClairecouldreadmelikeanopenbook.Katwasn’ttherealproblemhere.I’d

dealtwithloadsofwomenthrowingthemselvesatBodi,especiallyontour,anddidn’treallycare.This

problemwasallme,causedmysuddenattractiontoBodi.MaybeIshouldjustfuckhimandgetitover
and done with. Stop battling with the angel and demon on my opposing shoulders, telling me what was
rightandwhatwaswrong--justgethimoutofmysystemonceandforall.Ifitwasanyoneelse,it’swhatI
wouldhavedone.ButthistimeI’mnotsurethatwouldwork.Thistimefeltdifferent.I’dneverfeltlike
thisbefore,especiallyabouthim.WellnotsincebeforewewereinTokyoanyway,afteralittlesomething
thathappenedbetweenus.SomethingIhadnevertoldanyone,notevenClaire.

Claireclickedherfingersinfrontofmyface,rudelyinterruptingmymemoryflashofBodinakedand

wet,freshoutoftheshower.“EarthtoHayley.”

Shaking my head I cleared it of my Bodi flashback, pushing it to the back of my memory...for now.

“Sorry,IwasjustthinkingaboutwhatIhadtodobeforethecararrived.”

“There’s my girl.” Claire hoisted her handbag over her shoulder and pointed at my solo party

aftermath.“So,yougotthismessundercontrolthen?OrdoIneedtocallsomeonetocleanitup?”

Igrinnedsheepishly.“Canyoucallsomeone?”

Beingarockstarwithagrowingbankbalancecertainlyhaditsadvantages.

CHAPTERTWO

ARRIVINGATTHEAIRPORTwithplentyoftimetosparebeforemyflight,Iflickedthroughafewof
thetrashytabloidmagazinesattheairportkiosk.Eventhoughwewereanupandcomingrockband,and
headliningourfirstarenaworldtour,westillcouldn’taffordtohireprivatechartedflights.Although,at
leastonthisflightourrecordlabelhadsplurgedandwe’dbeflyingbusiness,whichwasstillbetterthan
economy.FlyingSydneytoNewYorkwasahellofatriptobecrampeduplikesardines.

Keepingmydarksunglassesonandbaseballcaplow,Ipickedupamusicmagazinethathadapicture

ofthebandonit--me,Bodi,MarkandDeon.ThephotohadbeentakenofusinSydneysixmonthsago,
beforeweembarkedonourworldtour.BeforeTokyo,andbeforeKat.

I traced my finger around the image of Bodi, then flicked the mag open to look at the other photos

surrounding the article. They were mainly just of myself, lead singer, and Bodi, the lead guitarist. Co-
writers and usually inseparable. We looked so happy and comfortable together. We were like family. It
mademyhearthurtthatweweren’tlikethatanymore.NotsinceIboltedfromhim.Infactwehadhardly
spokensincethatnight.Itwasallbesidethepointanyway.Hehadn’texactlygivenmetheopportunityto
discussitwithhim.ThenextdayatsoundcheckhewasparadingaroundbackstagewithKat.AfterthatI
had been pretty much avoiding him, other than performing at our gigs and scheduled media interviews.
Everywherehewent,shewastheretoo.Hismessagetomewasreceivedloudandclear.

Just as I was about to shut close the magazine, a familiar tanned tattooed arm reached over my

shoulderandtookthemagazinefrommyhands.“Ihaven’tseenthisyet.Isitanygood?”

My aching heart stopped beating. I turned to face Bodi. Like a foolish groupie, my hands started to

shakeathiscloseproximity.Ishovedtheminmypocketssohewouldn’tsee.“Ionlyjustpickeditup.I
haven’treadityet.”

Hisshoulderlengthhairwasslightlydampandslickedback,showingthetruebeautyofhisbearded

face,justthewayIliked.VerysubtlyIleantintohim,closedmyeyesandinhaleddeeply,takinginhis
scent.Hesmeltofmuskandhisexpensivecologne.Hehadnoideatheeffecthehadonme,andIwasn’t
about to let him know. My memory of that night resurfaced and flashed before my eyes...The moment I
walkedinonhimjuststeppingoutoftheshower...Themomenthiseyeslockedonmine...Themomenthe
grabbedme,justbeforeIfreakedoutandwasabouttorun.Thesamemomentwherehepressedhisnaked
rockhardbodyagainstmineandtoldmehewantedme.

“Were you going to buy this?” he asked casually, like there wasn’t a massive emotional wedge

betweenus.Hiseyesflickedfromthemagazinetomine.

Ishookmyheadathisquestionandtriedtoappearnormal,andnotgiveawaythefactthatbetweenmy

legs,partsofmewerecryingouttobetouchedbyhim.InsteadIcrossedmylegsandsqueezedtight.“I
wasgoingtobuyit,butyoucanhaveit.”Ineededtogetawayfromhimbeforemyachingvaginawentup
inflamesforhim.

Hisbrowfurrowed.“Noyoutakeit.I’llgetoneinNewYork.“

He thrust the magazine at me. Our fingers touched slightly as I took it from his hand, sending little

electric currents shooting up my arm. We both froze. Did he feel it too? Maybe I wasn’t imagining the

connection.

“Where’sKat?”Iaskedhim.

“Idon’tknow.Ihaven’tspokentoher.Webrokeuplastnight.”

My heart soared. I was such a bitch to be so happy when he must have been in total misery. We’d

consoledeachotherovertheyearsaftermanybreakups.Iknewhisheart.

Placingmyhandonhisbicep,Isqueezedtight.“I’msorrytohearthat.”

Heshruggedmyhandoffandgavemeahalfsmile.“Noyou’renot.”

Ismiledbackthesamehalfsmile.HeknewmyheartjustasmuchasIknewhis.“You’reright.I’m

not.”Therewasnomoreescapingthewhiteelephantintheroom.Iswallowedhard.“Bodi.Weneedto
talk.”

Hefoldedhisarmsacrosshischest,thesleevesofhisfadedblackvintageTheCuret-shirtstretching

tightathisbicepsunderthepressure.“Iagree.”

“Youdo?”Myvoiceraisedanoctave,shockedathisresponse.Ihadhalfexpectedhimtolaughmeoff

orchangethesubject.Bodididn’tdoseriousconversation.

Hisfaceshowednosignofjoking.“Ofcourse.Butnothere.”

Inoddedinagreement.“No,you’reright.Nothere.Somewheremoreprivate.Later,inNewYork.My

room.Whatdoyouthink?”

Hislefteyebrowraisedintoaperfectpoint,andhesmirkedeversoslightly.“Yourroomhey?”And

justlikethattheBodiIknewwasback.

Slightlypissedathim,Iswipedathisarmwiththemagazine.“Doyouhaveabettersuggestion?Iwas

justtryingtothinkofsomewhereprivate.Somewherewherethewallsdon’thaveears.”

Hepaused,hisexpressionchangingbackandforthlikehewasstrugglingtocometoadecision.

I spun away from him and shoved the magazine back in the rack. “Forget about it. See you on the

flight.”Myeyesstungwithtears.Thankgodfordarksunglasses.

Hishandgrippedmyarm,forcingmetoturnbacktohim.Hissteelblue-greyeyessearchingmyface

foraresponse.“Yourroom.I’llbethereanhourafterwecheckin.”

***

Tokyohadbeenamistake.Ahugeone,butIwasdamnedifNewYorkwouldbetoo.Tokyowasthe

kindofmistakethatnomatterhowmuchyouwanttoregretit,youcouldn’thelpbuthopeitwouldhappen
again. But I knew it couldn’t, not with the success of our band at stake. No one could know how I felt
about Bodi--especially him. After all, I didn’t even know how I truly felt about him, and believe me
when,orifIworkeditout,itwasgoingtostaythatway--asecret.Asfaraseveryonewasconcerned,I
hatedKatbecauseoftheinterruptiontoourmusicandtour.Nope.NewYorkwouldbeaboutclearingthe
airbetweenus,andgettingonwiththejob.

Bodi and I hadn’t slept together in Tokyo, but we had become dangerously close to crossing the

invisibleline.AndnowitwasallIcouldthinkabout...himstandinginfrontofme,starknaked,afterIhad
accidentallywalkedinonhimbackstageintheboysdressingroomafterourearlierconcert.Hehadjust
emergedfromtheshowerandhistattooedbodyhadglistenedasrivuletsofwaterrandownhissculpted

chestandabs.

Stunned,Icoulddonothingbutwatchaswaterdrippedoverhisbody,wishingmytonguecouldlapit

up.Myreactionhadsurprisedme.Afterall,hewasBodi.TheclosestthingIhadtofamily.

“Doyoulikewhatyousee?”Bodiaskedmeashecuppedhiscockandballsinhishandandwalked

towardme.Hiseyeshadmenailedtothefloor.

“Um...SorryIthoughttheshowerwasfree.Iwasgoingto...”Iswallowedhard,unabletotakemyeyes

off his body, completely losing my train of thought. I looked down at my half undressed state, feeling
completelyexposed.Mylacepantiesandbradidn’tcovermuch.Mywordshadtumbledout,andforthe
firsttimeinmylifeIfoundmyselftonguetiedaroundaguyI’dknowmyentireexistence.“I’ve,uh,gotta
go.”Iwilledmyselftomove,butmybodyrefusedtolisten.

HiseyesdevouredmypartiallynakedbodylikeIwasananimalofprey.“Gowhere?”

Hekeptwalkingtowardmeuntilwewerestandingjustinchesapart.

“Iforget,”IwhisperedasItoremyeyesawayfromhisbodyandtiltedmyheaduptolookathim.Lust

reflected from his eyes mirroring my own emotions. Impulse took over and it all happened in a such a
rush. Reaching up, I entwined my fingers in his wet long shoulder length dark hair, and pulled his face
downtomineuntilourlipsmet.Hislipssoftandinviting.EffortlesslyheliftmeupandIwrappedmy
legsaroundwaist,lockingontight.Hiscock,nowhardandthick,pressedagainstmyinnerthigh.

Our mouths continued to move against each others in unison, becoming more urgent. Our hunger for

eachotherincreasingeverymoment.Withmylegsstillwrappedaroundhiswaistandhimkeepingafirm
griponmyass,hetookstepsforwarduntilmybackrestagainstthewall.Keepingonehandonmyass,he
used his other to explore the parts of my body he had yet to see. Slipping his hand inside my bra he
grabbedatmybreast,poppingitfreefromthecup.HishandkneadedandpulledatmyfleshlikeIwas
puttyinhishands.AndthatIwas.Imoanedagainsthismouthasheteasedmytautnipplewithhisthumb
andfinger.

Moving his mouth from my lips he started biting gently at my neck. “Hayley,” he murmured softly

againstmyskin,andmovedhishandfrommybreastandstartedrubbingitagainstmyclitthroughthethin
materialofmypanties.“Iwanttofuckyou.”

Idugmynailsintohisbackpullinghimincloser.Iwantedthesamething.

Aloudknockatdoorcausedusbothtofreeze.“Bodi,youstillintherebro?”ItwasMark,thebass

guitarist.

Bodi’seyeswidenatmeandaslysmilespreadacrosshisface.SilentlyIshookmyheadathimand

mouthedathim,‘I’mnothere’.

Henoddedatmeandclearedhisthroat.“Yeahbro,justgotoutoftheshower.What’sup?”Hishand

that had frozen when Mark had knocked on the door, began moving again, pressing harder against my
tenderclit.

Markcontinuedtoyellthroughthedoor.“Afewofusareheadingbacktothehotelforadrink.We’ll

meetyouinthecaroutsideifyou’rekeentojoinus.”

“Where’sHayley?”Bodicalledbackashepushedasidemypantiesandslippedafingerinsideme.

Hiseyesdrillingintomewaitingforareaction.

IbitmyliphardasIheldbackamoan.Pressinghisthumbdownhardonmyclithisfingerfuckedme

ashegraduallyincreasedthespeedandtempoofhishandmovement.Heatfloodedmybody,rushingup
frommytoesandthroughmylegsastheybegantotwitch.

“Notsure,”Markcalledback,oblivioustowhatBodiwascurrentlydoingtome.“Shedisappeared

aftertheshow.Thinkshemayhaveheadedoffalready.”

“Noprobsbro.Meetyououtsidesoon.Givemetenminutes.”

“Seeyououtside.”Marksaidwithafinallittleknockonthedoor.

“Bodi, stop.” I reached down, grabbed at his wrist and pulled his hand away just before I reached

climax. My lust fog slowly cleared from my mind. “This can’t happen. It’s a bad idea. It’s not good
businesstobecomeinvolvedlikethis.”

Heclearedhisthroatandletmeunwrapmylegsfromhiswaist.“You’reright.WhatwasIthinking?

Notgoodbusiness.”

He waited until my feet were steady on the ground before he released his grip from my waist, then

turnedandwalkedawayfromme.

Iboltedtomyadjoiningdressingandslammedthedoor,ignoringthewetnessinmypantsandthefact

thatmybodywascravinghistouch.

The next time I saw him at sound check the day after, the slut Kat was hanging off his arm and my

stage,boastingabouthowtheyhadfuckedallnightlong,andwhatagreatloverBodiwas.Icouldonly
imagine.

CHAPTERTHREE

WETRAVELLEDASAbandtoNewYork.Ikeptmybanterlightandfunwiththeboysasweboarded
ourflight,andthankfullymanagedtoavoidsittingnearBodi,whohadclaimedaseatnexttoMarktwo
rows ahead of me. Claire had booked my seat next to our tour manager Pete, who immediately started
talkingtomenonstopaboutthesuccessofthetourandtheamountofmoneythebandmerchhadmade.
Apparently, just about everyone that had attended the concerts had purchased a tour t-shirt. That’s over
onehundredthousandpeoplewearingMyObsessionbandT-shirts.

Theironyofourbandnamewasn’tlostonme.ThewholetimePetespokewithme,Icouldn’ttakemy

eyesoffthebackofBodi’shead,wonderingifhethoughtaboutToykoasmuchasIdid.Bodihadbecome
myownsecretobsession.Hewasmyfirstthoughtinthemorning,andthelastatnight.Iwasacomplete
andutterfuckingmess.

Part way into the flight, I feigned exhaustion to Pete. Which wasn’t that far from the truth due to my

huge alcohol fuelled night, and plugged my headphones in to my iPod to listen to some new demos.
Shutting my eyes, I thought about what I was going to say to Bodi at our private meeting. I must have
changedmymindeverytimezonewepassedthroughbeforeIdecidedIneededtocomeclean.Icouldn’t
livelikethisanymore.Istilldidn’tknowexactlywhatthesenewfeelingswereforhim,butIdidknowit
wasexhausting...andwhatIfeltwasmorethanjustfriends.Ourbandwasabouttogonextlevel,andhere
Iwas,completelyandutterlyobsessedwithBodi.

The New York hotel was the best so far of the tour. Four and a half stars, only a block’s walk to

Central Park and not far to Maddison Square Garden, where My Obsession would be kicking off the
monthlongNorthAmericantourintwonightstime,andalsothefinalleginourfirstworldtour.Thenit
wouldbedowntimebackinAustraliabeforewehittherecordingstudioagain.

Afterchecking-inweallwenttoourseparaterooms.Theboyswereintheirownsuitesonthefloor

belowmine.AssoonasIenteredmyroom,Ithrewmycarry-ontravelbagontothebedanddecidedto
takeahotshower.IhadanhourbeforeBodiwouldarriveforourtalk.Ioftendidmybestthinkinginthe
shower,andIcertainlyhadplentyofthinkingtodo.Standingwithmyforeheadrestingagainstthetiled
wall,IletthehotwaterrunovermytiredmusclesasIthoughtabouthowIwasgoingtotellBodithetruth
aboutmyfeelingsforhim.NomatterhowconfusedIwas,therewouldbenododgingthebulletthistime.

Switching off the water after about thirty minutes, I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a white

fluffy hotel towel around my hair, and one around my body. Wiping the steam from the mirror with the
palm of my hand, I stared at my reflection. The person looking back at me was no one special. Sure I
couldsing,andwroteamazingsongswithBodi,hewastherealtalent,notme.Sadly,Icouldn’tevensayI
wasanythingspecialtolookat.Ascatteringoffreckles,curvesinthewrongplaces,andaseriouscaseof
beingunabletosaynotoalcohol.Otherthanthealcoholpartandapenchantforwearingblack,Ididn’t
exactlyepitomisethetypicalrockchick.Rockchickswerehot.Istilllookedlikethegirlnextdoor.Bodi
ontheotherhandhadgrownfromaganglypimplyteenager,intotherockgodhewas.AndKat,well,she
fithislookandthepositionofhotrockchicklookperfectly.Platinumblonde,bigboobs,tinywaistand
legsfordays.Icouldn’tblamehimreally...Ididn’tblamehim.I’dcertainlygoforheroversomeonethat

lookedlikeme.

I exhaled loudly in frustration at myself. Bodi would be here soon, and I still had no idea what I

wantedtosay.You’resoweak,Ishoutedinternallytomyreflection,andleftthebathroombeforeIputmy
fistthroughthemirror,unabletolookatmyreflectionanothersecond.

***

Thesoundofmycellphoneringingwokeme.Isatuponmybedwithastart,knockingawayanempty

champagnebottlethatIhadfallenasleepholding.Blinkingfuriouslyintothedarkhotelroom,ittookmea
momenttorememberwhereIwas--oneoftheperksofbeingontheroad.SadnesswashedovermewhenI
gotmybearings.I’dbeenwaitingforBodi,buthehadn’tshown.Iguesshehadmadethedecisionforme.
It was time to move on and forget these stupid feelings for him. Other than a co-worker, I was
insignificanttohim.

Iletmycellphoneringout,notevenbotheringtocheckwhowascallingorwhattimeitwas.Itwas

timetofocusonwhyIwasreallyhere--mymusic.Nothingelsematteredtomeanymore.

CHAPTERFOUR

Youlookatmewithyourblueeyes

Hidingthesadnesswithyourdisguise

ButIknowyou,andIcanseeyouhurting

Tearsoffearsandcripplingemotions

Youdon’thavetogothisalone

Youknowitdoesn’thavetobethisway

Justtakemyhandandtrustinme

You’vegottobelievemewhenIsay

Tomorrowisabrandnewday

Justtakemyhandandtrustinme

Togetherwe’llfaceit,thewayitaughttobe

Thisisn’ttheendforyouorme

Promisemeyou’llneverleave

Justbreathe,justbreathe

Promisemeyou’llneverleave

Justbreathe,justbreathe

“Goodnight New York, you’ve been amazing,” I yelled into the mic, as the final chords of Breathe

fadedaway.

Behind me the three boys waved to the crowd, then ran from the stage. The stadium lights faded to

black,withtheonlyilluminationintheconcerthallcomingfromthebigscreenbehindmeasitplayedout
the film clip Claire had been tirelessly editing. It was still so fresh I had yet to see it in its entirety.
Clippingthemicbackintoitsstand,Iturnedtorunfromthestageandcaughtthefinalscenesofthefilm
cliponthescreen.FootageofBodiandI,ourheadsleaningagainstoneanother’sasweworkedonasong
together.HesaidsomethingandIlaughed,thelookonmyfaceunmistakable.Fuck.Itwasasclearasday
howIfeltabouthim.

Finally I ran from stage as the screen went to black. It was any wonder I didn’t trip, given how my

visionhadbeenblurredbytears.AssoonasIwasonthesideofthestage,Bodicaughtmeinhisarms
andtwirledmearound.

“You were so fucking amazing out there tonight Hayley.” He yelled in my ear, the screams from our

fanstoperformanotherencoredeafening.“I’veneverheardyousingBreathelikethatbefore.Itgaveme

chills.” His eyes were like a drug addled addict. Wide, slightly crazed and glazed over with his
performancehigh.

QuicklyIwipedawaymytearsandplasteredasmileonmyfacebeforehecouldseeIwasn’tinthe

sameeuphoricstateofmind.“ThanksBodi.Yourockedittonighttoo.Everyonedid.Itwasateameffort.”
Itriedhardtopushsomeenthusiasmintomyvoicebutjustcouldn’t.Thankfullythenoiseofthecrowd
drownedoutmylacklustertone.Afterbeingrejectedbyhimtwonightsago,Ijustcouldn’tmusterany
excitement,despitethekickassperformancewehadjustgiven.WhatIreallyneededwasadrink.

Therestofthebandandourmanagementteamsoonjoinedus.Everyonewasinthesamestateofmind

asBodi.There’snothingquitelikethehighafterperformingonstage,especiallyoneasprestigiousasthe
Garden.ButtonightIjustwasn’tfeelingit.Therewerehighfivesbeingslapped,andbeersbeingcracked
openaswemovedinagrouptowardourdressingrooms.FromthecornerofmyeyeIspottedKatwaiting
behindalargestorageequipmenttransporter.Itwasallcrystalnow.Nowonderhehadn’tshownuptomy
room.Theywerebackon.

Takingtheopportunitywhenitarose,Islippedawaytomydressingroom.Bottlesofchampagneand

flowersadornedtheroom,acelebrationforajobwelldone.AssoonasIshutthedoorbehindme,Ilet
loosewithafloodoftearsIhadbeenholdinginsincecomingoffstage,andpoppedthecorkinoneofthe
bottlessittinginice.

“Ithoughtthegigwentquitewell.Whyareyousoupset?”

“ShitClaire,youscaredthehelloutme.”Iclutchedatmyracingheart.“Thegigwasawesome.It’s

justpersonalstuff.Forgetaboutit.”

Clairerosefromachairinthecorneroftheroom.Shefrownedatme.“Ican’tforgetaboutit.I’myour

bestie. Since when don’t you confide in me?” Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Did you see the film
clip?Untiltheend?”

I nodded my head while taking a huge swig from the bottle. I wiped my mouth with the back of my

hand.“Itwasbeautiful.Youdidagreatjob.”MoretearswelledinmyeyesasIrememberedthefinalshot
onthescreen.

Clairefoldedherarmsacrossherchest.“It’sBodiisn’tit?Youlovehim.”

Ifellintooneofthearmchairsintheroom.“It’ssofuckingcomplicatedClaire.Idon’tknowwhatI

feel.He’slikeabrothertome,butwhenIlookathim,Ijustwanttobewithhim.”

“Youneedtotellhimhowyoufeel.Thisistearingyouapart.Andeventuallyit’lltearthebandapart

too.”

Iswiggedagainfromthebottle,andshookmyheadather.Feelingswereoverrated.“Nope.Triedthat

andheditchedmeforher.WhatIneedisacleanslate.Afterthistour,I’vedecidedI’mtakingabreak
fromtheband.I’mgoingtotrysomesolostuff.I’vealreadybeenintouchwithaproducerfromLAwho’s
keentoworkwithme.”

Claire’sjawdropped.“You’requittingtheband?”

“No.I’mjusttakingabreakfromtheband...andBodi.AndasIseeit,youhavetwooptions.Youcan

comewithmeasmyPAoryoucanresign.We’llalwaysbefriends.Butyou’vegottoknow,Ican’thave
youworkformeifyoucan’tsupportmycareerdecisions.”

Clairepacedtheroomthinkinglongandhardaboutmyultimatum.I,meanwhile,drankuntilIfinished

thebottleofchampagne.Icouldfeelthealcoholdoingitsjob.Myheadfeltalittlegiddy,andmyfacehad
signsofnumbness.Twomorebottlesshoulddoit.Iputtheemptyonthecoffeetableandwenttograb
anotherbottlefromtheicebucket.

Clairejoinedme,grabbedachampagnefluteandhelditupasIpoppedopenmysecondbottle.“Fill

meup.Weneedtocelebratethenextstepinyourcareer.I’mwithyouonehundredpercentoftheway.
Afterall,whoelsewouldcleanupyourshitafteranallnightbender.”

Mylipspartedandformedasmile.Iknewitlookedforced,butthat’sallIcouldofferatthispoint.

“Welcometodarkside.Youknowournameswillbemudright?”

“TheonlywayIlikeit.Now.Let’stalkbusiness,bestie.”

CHAPTERFIVE

I MANAGED TO AVOID the boys for most of the next day, only seeing them at sound check in the
afternoon,andthenagainwhenwemetforourpre-concertritualhuddlebeforehittingthestage.Theboys
were like the three musketeers, never apart. My conversations with them were strained, and I couldn’t
evenlookBodiintheeyesforfearofhimknowingwhatIwasplanning.Wekneweachothersowellhe
couldreadmelikeanopenbook.Myguiltwouldhavebeenwrittenalloverface.

Frombackstagethechantsofthecrowdoutfrontwasdeafening,eagerforusstartourset.“Let’sgo

showNewYorkwhatwe’remadeof,”Bodiyelled,windingupourhuddlepeptalk.MarkandDeonhigh
fivedeachotherandrantotaketheirplacesonstage.Ifollowed,butBodigrabbedmyarmandpulledme
back.“Whyareyouavoidingme?WhathaveIdonetoyoutodeservethecoldshoulder?”

I shrugged my arm out of his grip. “As if you don’t know. What happened to us talking when we

arrivedinNewYork?”

Heopenedhismouthtotalk,butbeforehecouldsayanythingthesoundofDeon’sdrumintrosignalled

itwastimeforustotakeupourspotsbeforethestagelightscameon.Iinsertedmyearmonitorsandran
ontothestagetothesoundofscreamingfans.However,noteventheycouldliftmyheavyhearttonight.As
Istartedsinging,IcastasidelooktoBodi,whomouthed“later”.Iknewwhathemeant,buttherewould
benolater.Thetimefortalkingwasdone.Itwastimeformetomoveon.Justlikehehad.

Despitemepurelygoingthroughthemotions,ourfinalnight’sperformanceinNewYorkwasjustas

flawlessasthefirst.Myvocalshadneverbeenstrongerandthewordsmoreheartfelt.Especiallyduring
Breathe. It was the last song Bodi and I had written together after my mother had died last year from
cancer.BodiandhismumwereallthefamilyIhadleftinthisworld,andnowI’dlosthimtoo.

Running from the stage after the final chords of Breathe faded away and into the waiting mass of

backstage crew and our music management team, like last night, I spotted Kat standing behind the
equipmentstorageboxes.That’dbefuckingright.Ignoringeveryone,Ikeptwalkingtowardmydressing
room. Turning my head slightly, from the corner of my eye, I saw her throw her arms around Bodi. I
couldn’thelpbutscrewupmynoseindistaste.I’dhadenoughofhisgames.

ClaireandIbailedoutimmediatelyanddidn’twaitforthehugebackstageparty.Ineededtogetthe

fuckoutofthere.Backatthehotel,whilstItookashowertowashoffmyperformancesweat,Clairegot
busyorganisingearlyflightsforustoflyouttoLAfirstthinginthemorning.Ournextbandgigwasin
Floridainacoupleofdaystime,butIwantedtousethedowntimetogomeetwithmynewproducer.

AsIturnedofftheshower,Claireknockedonmydoorandcrackeditopenedslightly,justenoughfor

metohearher.“Hayley,I’vegottoshootbacktomyroomquickly.I’llbebacksoon.”

SteppingfromtheshowerIgrabbedtoweltodrymyselfwith.“Okay.”

MomentslaterIheardthehoteldoorslamshut.Oncedry,Iwrappedmyselfintheluxurioushotelbath

robeandpouredmyselfaglassofDom.JustasIwasabouttoskolmydrink,therewasknockatthedoor.

“FuckClaire,”IcalledatthedoorwhileIwalkeddrinkinhandtoanswerit.“Don’tyouhaveyour

ownk...”Iopenedthedoorandmyheartstopped.Standinginfrontofme,nakedfromthewaistup,with
hislowerhalfwrappedonlyinawhitefluffyhoteltowelwastheobjectofmysecretobsession.“Bodi.

Whatareyoudoinghere?Andwhythefuckcouldn’tyouhaveputsomeclothesonfirst?”

Icouldn’ttakemyeyesoffhim.Hissculptedbodywastonedandtightfromthegruellingtour.Hewas

justasIrememberedinTokyo,fromhistattooedwashboardabsthroughtothatsexyVline.Iwishedthe
towelwouldmiraculouslyfallawayandrevealthefinalpartofanatomyIcravedtoseeagain.

Swallowing hard I tore my eyes away from his body and took a step back from him, before I did

somethingIwouldtrulyregret--likeripoffmyrobeoffandthrowmyselfathim,demandinghefuckme
righthereandnow.Butthatcouldneverhappen.IftherewasonethingIlearnedoverthepastcoupleof
dayswas,itwasthatwecouldnevergodownthatpath.

Bodileanedupagainstmydoorwayandtookthechampagneflutefrommyhandanddownedtheliquid

inonemouthful.“I’vecometogetyou.ThepartyisjustgettingstartedinMark’sroom,andfiguredyou’d
benoshow.Ithoughtthiswouldgetyourattention.”Hiseyesblazed.“Besides,Itoldyouwe’dtalklater
andafteryouranawayfrommefollowingthegig.Youleftmenochoicebuttocomehere.”

“There’salwaysachoice.”Isnatchedmyglassbackoutofhishandandwalkedbacktothetableto

pourmyselfanotherdrink.TheheavyhotelroomdoorslammedshutasBodifollowedmeintotheroom.

“Hayls,peoplehavebeentalking...”

FoldingmyarmsdefensivelyacrossmychestInarrowedmygazeathim.“Theyhave,havethey.And

whathavethesepeoplebeensaying?”

“They’resayingyou’vegotplanstoleaveandgosoloafterthistourisfinished.”

Iforcedoutanervouslaugh.“You’rekiddingme?Andyoubelievethesestupidpeople?”Heknows.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. “You’ve known me forever Bodi. Since we were born in fact, when our mums were
unmarriedseventeenyearoldsandinthatstupidsinglemumsparentingprogram.DoyouhonestlythinkI
wouldditchyouandtheboystogooutonmyown?”

Hemirroredmydefensivebodyposition.“You’resuchabadliarHayley.What’sgoingon?”

Thankfully, at that exact moment my phone rang. Claire’s caller ID came up on my screen. It was a

welcomedistraction.“It’sClaire.I’vegottatakethiscall.”

TurningmybackonhimIhissedintothephone.“Wherethefuckareyou?Bodiishere,dressedinjust

afuckingtowel.AndheknowsaboutLA.”

“You’re number one.” Claire screamed down the phone, ignoring my comments. “Breathe just went

numberoneintheUSonBillboardandiTunes.”

IdroppedmyphoneandspunbacktoBodi.“NumberOne!OhmyfuckingGod!Wejusthitthenumber

onespotintheUS.”

Bodiwhoopedloudlyandclearedtheemptyspacebetweenusintwosteps.Wrappinghisarmsaround

meheliftmeupandspunmeinafullcircle.Myrobefellopenexposingmynakedbreasts.Placingme
backonmyfeet,wepausedforasecond,oureyeslockedoneachothersbeforehegrabbedholdontomy
ass cheeks with both hands and picked me up, slamming me hard up against the wall. He smashed his
mouthonmine,ourlipsmovingfervently.Myhandsfoundtheirwaytohishair,knottedthemselvesinthe
longstrands,andpushedhisfaceharderintomine.Icouldn’tgetenough.Ididn’tevenwanttobreathefor
fearofdetachment.

Pullingonthetieofmyrobe,heexposingtherestofmybody.Hishandssweptoverme,memorising

everycurve.“You’resobeautiful,”hewhispered,andtookmybreastinhismouth,suckingbackonmy
tautnipple.

Imoanedinvoluntary,archingmybackintohim.ReachingdownIunraveledhistowelandletitdrop

to the floor, revealing the final part of him that had remained hidden from me. “Fuck me Bodi,” I said,
takinghiserectcockinmyhandandshruggedoutofmyrobe.

Hedidn’tneedasecondinvitation.Hookingmyrightlegupinhisarm,heopenedmewideandusing

hisfreehand,tookmyhandinhisandhelpedguidehiscocktomyopening.Heenteredme,slowlyatfirst
untilhewasinmeuptohishilt,andthenmadepassionatelovetomeupagainstthewallofthehotel.Our
mouths and hands hungrily moved over each others body, tasting and touching what had always been
forbidden.Hishardcockpoundedintome,overandover.Itwaspureunadulteratedbliss.Justourskinon
skin contact would have been enough to satisfy me, but the way he moved his hips, thrusting hard then
slow,hereadmyeveryemotion,pushingmetoreachheightsthatIhadneverknownpossible.Boditook
allmyweightinhisarmsasIcame,myleggivingwayasmyorgasmrockedmybody.Asthelastshudder
rolledthroughme,hewithdrewhispenisandpresseditupagainstmystomachandsquirtedhishotseed
overusboth.

Lettingmylegdrop,westaredateachother,bothofourchestsheavingfromtheintensityoffucking.It

hadbeeneverythingIdreameditwouldbe.Intenseemotionssurgedthroughme.Ilovedthismanwithmy
wholebeing.Hewasmybestfriendsincebirth,andIdidn’tknowhowtotellhimhowItrulyfeltandnot
fuckupourfriendshipanymorethanIalreadyhad.Bodididn’tdoserious.Therewasnowaythiswould
everbeanythingmorethanafucktohim.

Mybodytensedandanawkwardsilencefilledtheair.Myarmswerestillwrappedaroundhisbody,

one in his hair and one on his firm ass. I dropped my hands and put them on his chest, with the aim of
pushinghimaway.

Hegrabbedmebythewrists.“No.You’renotpushingmeawayagain.”

“Bodi,wecan’tdothis.”

“Givemeonegoodreasonwhywecan’t.”

Inarrowedmyeyesathim.“OhIdon’tknow.Theband...Kat.How’sthatfortwogoodreasons.”

“Thosearebullshitreasons.ItoldyouattheairportKatandIarethrough.”

Heatflaredinsideofme.“Ifyou’rethrough,whydidyoustandmeup?Youweresupposedtocome

heretotalk,likeweagreed.I’veseenherbackstagethepasttwonights,watchingyou.Andtonight,she
grabbedyouwhenwewalkedoffstage.”

“Fuckyousawthat?Itwasn’twhatyouthink.Letmeexplain.”

Inoddedforhimtocontinue.“I’mlistening.”

“After we arrived in New York, I fell asleep. And when I woke I tried to call you, but you didn’t

answer.I’msorry.I’vebeentryingtotalktoyousince,butyou’reneveralone.Claireislikeyourfucking
shadow.Andtonight...”

At the mention of her name, like she had been summoned, Claire burst through the hotel door

brandishinganopenbottleofDom.“NumberOnecanyoubel...Ohmygod,you’rebothnaked.”

Hurriedly I pushed Bodi away, collected my robe, and threw Bodi’s towel at him. Jealous anger

surgedthroughmewhenInoticedshehadn’ttakenhereyesoffBodi’snakedbody.“Youcanturnaround
Claire.Oryouknow,leave.”

Bodilaughedandtookhisgoddamntimecoveringuphisnakedness.“Whydon’tyoujoinusClaire.”

Mymouthdropped.“You’vegottobefuckingkiddingme.”

AgainBodilaughed,finallywrappingthetowelaroundhim.“OfcourseI’mjokingHayls.Claire,if

youdon’tmind,HayleyandIwereinthemiddleofsomething.”

Claire,whohadcometohersensesnowthatBodiwascovered,smiledatus.“Letmejustsay,it’s

abouttimeyoutwoworkedthisout.SoHayley,doesthismeanLAiscancelled?”

Mymouthdroppedopen.Mywordswouldn’tcome,stuckinmythroatatthelookofdisappointment

andhurtonBodi’sface.

“Soitwastruethen?Claire,ifyoudon’tmind,HayleyandIreallyneedtotalk.”

“Um,sure.Sorry.I’mgoingtoMark’spartytotelltheothersthegoodnewsaboutthecharts.Callif

youneedmeHayley.”

Inoddedather,andwaiteduntilsheleftbeforeIturnedtofaceBodiagain.“Iwasgoingtotellyou

andtheboys.Ijustwantedtomeetwiththisproducerfirst...”Myvoicetrailedaway.

He wouldn’t look at me. He ran his hand through his hair as he paced the room back and forth not

saying a word before he collapsed onto the couch and dropped his head into his hands. “Fuck Hayls. I
didn’tthinkitwouldbepossible,butyou’vejustguttedme,again.Ithoughtwecouldmakesomethingof
this.Ofus.Butyou’releavingme.”Helookedatme,hissteelblueeyesglisteningwithtears.

“Kat...”Myvoicebroke.

“EnoughwithKat.HowmanytimesdoIhavetotellyouwearethrough.She’sbeenhangingbackstage

totalktomebecauseIkeeprejectinghercalls.Ionlyfuckedhertogetyourattention.”

“Youwhat!You’resuchanassBodi.ThisiswhyIwasleaving.Ican’tbewithyou,oraroundyou.

You’llonlyhurtme.Doyouhaveanyideahowhardthesepastfewmonthshavebeenonme?Ihaven’t
stoppedthinkingaboutyousincethenightinTokyo.Iwantedtotalktoyouthenextday,butyoushowed
upwithheronyourarm.AndnowIfindoutitwasjusttogetmetonoticeyou.”

“DoIhaveanyidea?”Hestoodandclearedtheroominlargestridestostandinfrontofme.“Hayls,

do you know why I broke it off with Kat? I couldn’t keep lying to myself. I think about you every god
damnfuckingday.Myearliestmemoryisofyou,myfirstwordwasyourname.Youaremyeverything.
Whenyouwalkedinonme,I’dneverseenyoulookatmelikethatbefore.Ihadtotakemychance.”

Ishookmyhead,tearsstartedrunningdownmyface.“No,don’tdothistome.”

Hetookmyhandsinhis.“Doyouremember,whenwewerelittle,andwewerelostinthedepartment

store?Idon’teventhinkwecouldtalkpropersentences,orevenknewourmumsnames.AllIremember
isuscryingforthem,buttheminuteIheldyourhand,Ikneweverythingwouldbeokay.Becauseyouwere
withme.”

Mywordscameoutinawhisper.“Irememberthat.Ifeltlikewewouldbelostforever.Youmademe

feelsafe.”

“Everything about you makes me feel safe. You’re my home. You can’t leave me, especially now. I

can’tchangewhathappenedinTokyo.Ifuckedupandhurtusboth.ButIcansureashelltryandchange
what’shappeningnow.IloveyouHayls.Staywithme.Tellmeyoufeelthesame.”

My voice caught in my throat. He loved me. Maybe we could make this work. Placing my hands on

eithersideofhisface,Ipulledhisfacetomineuntilourlipswereonlyinchesapart.“Yes.Idofeelthe
same.Iloveyou,andalwayshave.”Iwhisperedtohim,thenkissedhim.FinallyIwashome.

SECONDCHANCE

CHAPTER1

“I HATE HIM. I fucking hate him,” I muttered under my breath as I slammed dirty dishes into the
dishwasher.

Returninghomefromworkonlyminutesearlier,IhaddiscoveredAndrew,myunemployedhusband,

positionedinhisusualplaceonthecouch,ACblasting,enjoyingacoldbeerwatchingthereplayofan
NFL game on cable. Anyone would think he was the one that had just returned from a stressful day at
work. Daily chores remained untouched--beds were unmade, dirty clothes still piled up, and breakfast
dishesfromthismorningwerestillstackedinthesinkwhereIhadleftthem,remnantsofleftovercereal
now hardened on their surface like organic concrete. And, naturally, dinner hadn’t been prepared, even
thoughhehadnojobandwasn’tevensearchingforwork.TheproblemwithAndrew,welloneofmany,
washecontinuedtoviewthehouseholddutiesasmyresponsibility,despitemeholdingdownafulltime
PRjob,anddoingallofmymomduties.

Islammedanotherdishforcefullyintherack,thistimeclippingtheedgeofawineglassshatteringit

intopieces.

“Goddamnit,”Iyelledouttonooneinparticular.Couldthiseveninggetanyworse?

Reachingintothedishwashertoretrievetheoffendingpiecesofglass,Islicedmyrightindexfinger

open on a jagged edge. To answer my own question, yes, my night could get worse. Letting fly with a
streamofexpletivesaimedatAndrew,theglass,andbasicallythewholefuckingworld,Ibegansucking
onthefingertoeasethestingandhelpstemthebloodflow.

My fifteen-year-old son J.D. came running into the kitchen to check on me, concern etched on his

handsomeyoungface.“Momwhat’shappened?Areyouallright?”

“Yes sweetheart, I’m fine,” I assured him, keeping my tone light, as I turned to the sink and began

runningcoldwateroverthecut.Hehadenoughproblemsofhisownwithhisfathertotakeonminetoo.
“Justbrokeaglassandcutmyfinger.Nothingtoworryabout.”

J.D.continuedovertostandbymyside,attentivelywatchingmetendtomywound.AfterIshutoffthe

faucet he wrapped his arms around me, engulfing me with his large frame, making me feel petite, even
thoughIwasanythingbut.Closertofortythanthirty,Iwasbeginningtoseetheeffectsofageonmybody.
Middleagesaghadhit,andithadn’tbeenkind.Mybuttandboobshadstartedthemigrationsouth,andmy
once flat stomach was protruding. Clearly my metabolism had decided to shut up shop and move on.
Spanxhadbecomemynewbestfriend.

Ihuggedmysonback,carefultokeepmyfingerelevatedandoutoftheway.Hewasgoingtobetall

likehisfather.

Hesqueezedmetight.“IloveyaMom.Idon’tknowwhatI’ddoifanythingeverhappenedtoyou.Let

megetyouaplasterforthatcut.Doyouthinkitneedsstitches?”

Icouldn’thelpbutfeelimmenseprideandlove.Hewassocaringandattentive.Heknewthingsonthe

homefrontweren’tgoingsowell.OverthepastfiveyearsAndrewhadbecomemoreandmoredifficult

tolivewith,andsincehelosthisconstructionjob,hehadturnedintoanightmare.Helovednothingmore
thantoeitheryellabuseatJ.D.andmyself,orjustignoreourpresencealtogether.Lookedliketonightwas
anignoringnight.Andrewhadn’tspokenawordtomesinceIwalkedinthehouse.ThankGodforthat.
AfterthedayI’dhad,Ididn’tthinkIcouldhandleanyabusetonight.

Iexaminedmynowthrobbingfinger.Whileitwasn’tgushingblood,Iknewthecutwasdeepenoughto

requirestitches.ButIwasn’tgoingtobotherwiththeERthistimeofnight.Itwouldbeatleastatwo-hour
wait.

“I love you too son, but I’ll survive.” I forced a smile for his benefit. “The plaster will be fine for

now.Ifit’sstillbleedingtomorrow,I’llgotothedoctorandgethimtolookatit.”

His eyes drilled into mine, unable to mask the concern reflecting deep from within the blue pools.

“OkayMom,butpromisemeyou’lllookafteryourself.”

LookingatmysonremindedmewhyIcontinuedtoliveinalovelessmarriage.Itwasallforhim.A

childneedsafather--astrongmalerolemodel.Toobadtheonelivingwithuswasanasshole.BesidesI
wasn’t even sure I could walk away. I knew Andrew would screw me over if I left, and although we
didn’t have much, what we did have, I had worked just as hard as he had contributing to building our
familyhomeandfinances.Beingunhappywasn’tenoughofareasontothrowitallaway.Thatwouldbe
selfishofme.

Anyway,itwasn’tlikeIhadanywhereelsetogo.Ihadn’tspokentomyfamilyoranyonefrommypast

sincethedayIdroveoutofSeattlealmostsixteenyearsagoattheageoftwenty-one,brokenheartedand
disillusioned.IsworethedayIleftIwouldneverreturn.Icouldnevergoback.Mytenacityandpromise
to myself kept me away. If only I knew where that confident girl had gone. I could do with a shot of
confidencerightaboutnow.AfteryearsofbeingtoldIwasa‘uselessfatbitch’,Ihadbeguntobelieveit
wastrue.

Maybethingswouldbedifferentafterthisweekend.Anallexpensespaidthree-dayworkconference

inVegas.Eventhoughtechnicallyitwasn’tavacation,andworkwasinvolved,itwouldbemyfirstsolo
tripsincebeforeJ.D.hadbeenborn.MaybeIwouldstarttofeelaliveagain,insteadofahollowedout
shell.Icouldn’twait.

AndrewandI’dhadashotgunwedding.Ourrelationshiphadbegunasaone-nightstandonmyfirst

night in L.A. Andrew had been the bartender at a local bar, and I simply needed to forget me. I hadn’t
even been attracted to him, but he had been flattering and momentarily had filled a void in my broken
heart.LuckilyIhadn’tbeendrinkingthatnight,becausefourweekslaterIfoundoutIwaspregnant.Four
months later we were married, and three months after that J.D. had been born premature. Talk about a
whirlwind.Notonlywastheloveofmylifebornfromthatinitialonenightstand,butalsomylifelong
regretofmarryingamanIdidn’tlove.

***

“WelcometoCaesarsPlacema’am.Doyouhaveareservation?”thecheck-ingirlaskedmepolitely

afterIapproachedthecounter.

“Yes, it’s under Duncan, first name Jacinta. I’m here for the PR conference.” I slid my booking

documentationalongwithmypersonaldetailstoheracrossthedesk.“I’msharingwithacolleague,Ms
DonnaBaxter.She’sonalaterflight.”

IhadbeenfortunatewhenIbookedmyflightandhadsnaggedthelastseatoftheeighta.m.flightoutof

L.A.MybestfriendforthepasttenyearsDonnahoweverwasn’tsolucky.Herflightdidn’tleaveuntil
noon,sothatgavemealmosthalfthedaytorelaxwiththeroomtomyself.

“ThankyouMrs.Duncan.”Collectingmyinformationfromthedeskinfrontofher,shesmiledatme

andbegantappingawayonhercomputerbeforepausingbriefly.“Iseeyouhaveanearlycheckin.Letme
justorganiseyourroomkeyforyou.”

She resumed her typing, her French manicured nails clicking nosily on the keyboard as she worked.

WhileIwaited,Iturnedmybacktoherandcastmyeyesaroundthefoyer,takinginthemarblefinishes
andartwork,inparticularthefountaininthemiddleoftheroom.Soopulentandextravagant,itbordered
onthegaudy.ItwasnothinglikeIhadeverseen.

Asmileformedonmyfaceasrealisationhitme…Iwasfreeforthewholeweekend,andwouldn’tbe

flying out until Monday. Other than attend the conference Saturday and Sunday, I could do whatever I
wanted.Andifthatmeantspendingthenightsittingatthebardrinkingfrozenmargaritas,thenIwasgoing
todoit.

Just then, on the other side of the opulent marbled foyer, behind the fountain, a large entourage of

suited men walked across the room. My curiosity piqued. Whoever they were, they were certainly the
oppositeofincognito.EvenbyVegasstandardstheystoodout.Trailingcloselybehindthem,infan-group
formationandwavingpenandpaper,wereseveralscantilydressedwomenlookingtobeintheirearly
twenties,callinganameIcouldn’tquitehear.

InVegas,thatcouldonlymeanonething--someonefamous.HopingitwasacelebritylikeBeyonce,or

JayZ…ormaybeboth,Istoodontippytoes,completelycaughtupintheexcitement,andcranedmyneck
totryandcatchaglimpseofthestarsinsidethethrongofpeople.

Iwasn’thavingmuchsuccess,untilthegrouppausedandasmallgapopenedrevealingthemysterious

celebrity.Myfacesuddenlyfeltasifithaddrainedofcolourwhilemyheartthuddedhardagainstmyrib
cage. A bead of sweat formed on my brow and snaked its way down my cheek as it fell. I spun back
around, shut my eyes and clenched the counter with my clammy hands for support as my legs started to
bucklebeneathme.AfteralltheseyearsIwouldn’thavethoughthecouldstillhavethesameeffectonme.

“Mrs.Duncanareyouokay?”thereceptionistasked.

“I’m…I’mfine,”Istutteredindisbelief.

OpeningmyeyesIlookedather,butinsteadofherreturningmygaze,shewasstaringdirectlyovermy

shoulder.Hereyeswideandstarstuck.

Then,behindme,Iheardhisvoice.AvoiceIhadheardnumeroustimesonmyiPod.Avoicethatstill

sentshiversdownmyspineandstirredupdormantcravingsforhistouch.AvoiceIneverthoughtI’dhear
speakmynameagain.

“Jacinta?Isitreallyyou?”

My heart ripped free of my chest. I wanted to run, escape, but I knew there was no exit. Slowly I

turned,likeIwasinslowmotion,myhandfirmlyovermyheart,shieldingitfromhurt.Thosewoundshad
healedlongago,althoughthesharppaininmychestsuggestedotherwise.Ithadbeenalmostsixteenlong
yearssinceIhadlastlaideyesonhim.

Adrenalinesurgedthroughme,shakingmetomycoreasIturnedtheone-eightydegrees.Whatwould

he think of me? I had changed so much. I wasn’t the wide-eyed innocent girl he once knew. My mind
raced, full of regrets… I wish I had put on make up this morning…Why didn’t I wear my dress suit
insteadofmycasualattire?...WhydidIevencometoVegas?

Then,likeavisionfrommydreams,hewasthere.Allsixfoot--dropdeadgorgeous--threeinchesof

him.Hehadn’tchanged.HewasstillashandsomeasthedayheleftSeattletochasehisdream.Theday
mylifechangedforever.

Iforcedanervoussmile.“HiJason.”

Unabashedly his face lit up as he grabbed me in a bear hug and spun me around, unconcerned that

everyoneinthefoyerwaswatchingus.

“Ican’tbelieveit’syou,”hesaidwhenhefinallyputmedown.

Hiseyesdevouredme,andIrememberedhowthingsusedtobewhenwewereyoungandinlove.It

hadbeensosimple.Justusandhisguitarinhisbeatuppickuptruck.Didn’tmatterwherewewere,we
onlyhadeyes,andhands,foreachother.He’dplayandsingformeallnight,andthenwe’dmakelove
intotheearlyhoursofthemorning.Allhissongswerewrittenforme.Iwashismuseandhisbiggestfan.
We would talk about our future, moving to L.A., going on the road together and eventually starting a
family…andthenhelandedhisfirstrecorddeal.Everythingchangedovernight.

“Yeahit’smeallright.”Myvoiceshookwithnervesandmystomachwasinknots.Ihadbeenkidding

myself.Istilllovedhim.Hewasmyonetruelove,buthecouldn’tknowthat.Notnow,notever.

Hewasmyfirsteverything.Thatwassomethingyoucouldn’tforgeteasily.Iwantedtoaskhim’Why?’

Itwassosimpleandtothepoint.Justoneword.ItwastheonequestionIhadalwayswantedtoaskhim
sinceheleftmestandingontheporchofmyparentshouse,promisingtoreturn.Butthesoundofclicking
camerasandpeoplecallinghisnamesnappedmeoutofmyreminiscing--Paparazzi.Hewasfamousafter
all.AnAmericanrockgodthathadenduredthepassageoftime.HehadfoundhisdreamandIhadlost
mine.Ithadbeenshattered,alongwithmytwenty-oneyear-oldheart.

JasonregisteredthepaparazzipresencethesametimeIdidandpulledoveroneofhissuitedentourage

thathadbeenhoveringbehindhimandwhisperedinhisear.Withanodofhishead,thesuitedmanwas
gone.JasonturnedhisbabybluesbackonmeandleanedintomesoonlyIcouldhearhim.

Hewhisperedinmyear.“Cinta,youhavenoideahowmuchI’vewantedtoseeyouagain.Butthis

isn’tthetimeorplace.I’llfindyou.”Shiversrandownmyspineashebrushedhisfulllipsagainstmy
cheek.

The paps went crazy--flashes popping, people calling his name, yelling questions, pushing and

shoving.Butheignoreditall.Insteadhespunonhisheelandstrodebackthedirectionhecame,takinghis
entourage,groupiesandtrailingpaparazziwithhim.Themanwasquitesimplysexonlegs.Legsandass
thatstilllookedhotcladintightblackleather.

Ilookedatthereceptionistaftertheyhadallleft.ShelookedexactlyhowIfelt.

“That actually happened didn’t it?” I pinched my arm to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Jason was

alwaysinmydreams.Ihadtobesure.

Shesmiledprofessionallyatmeassheslidovermyroomkey,butnothingcouldhidetheexcitement

and euphoria dancing behind her eyes, and I swear I heard her sigh longingly. “Yes Mrs. Duncan. That
wasJasonDean.”

CHAPTERTWO

HALF AN HOUR LATER, after taking a quick stop at the bar for a nerve-calming stiff bourbon--thank
GodforVegastwentyfourhourbars--Iletmyselfintomyhotelroom.Mymindwassopreoccupiedby
meetingJasoninthehotelfoyerthatIdidn’tnoticehimsittinginanarmchairbythewindow.

“Jacinta.”Hisvoice,thickwithemotion,caressedmynameashespoke.

Surprised,Iscreamedanddroppedeverythinginmyarms,thecontentsofmypursespillingacrossthe

floor.MyheartwasracinglikeIhadjustrunaquartermile.Iknewithadnothingtodowithfright.

Standing,hewalkedtowardsme,hisgazeunwavering,smolderingeven.Oh,howIhaddreamtofthis

moment. Him walking back into my life, looking at me like nothing had changed. But everything had. It
couldn’tgobacktohowitwas.Iwasn’tthatyounginnocentgirlanymore.Tearsbegantowellinmyeyes
formylostinnocenceandstolendreams.

Icouldn’tlethimseemelikethis.Ikneltdowntothefloor,andonmyhandsandkneesbeganscooping

upthecontentsofmypurse,blindlyshovingeverythingbackintoit,tearsnowsilentlyrollingdownmy
cheeks.Jasonkneltbeforemeandenvelopedhishandoverminethatclutchedawaywardlipstick.

Hewhisperedmynameagain,stirringupthoseoncedormantcravings.

“Jacinta.”

Ikeptmyheaddown.Icouldn’tlookathim.

“Pleaselookatme,”hepleaded.

KnowingitwouldbemyundoingIshookmyhead,stillunabletomeethiseyes.Hetuckedhisfinger

undermychinandgentlyliftmyface,forcingmetolookathim.Hotsilenttearscontinuedtorolldown
mycheeks.Cuppingmyfaceinhishandhewipedawaymytearswithhiscallousedthumb,hardenedover
theyearsfromhoursofguitarplaying.

“Youhaven’tchanged,”hetoldme.“You’reasbeautifulasIremember.”

I basked in his compliments and allowed myself a moment to enjoy his touch. Closing my eyes, I

pressedmycheekagainsthispalmandcoveredhishandwithmine.Isighed,knowingthiscouldn’tlast.

Dropping my hand, I pulled away from his touch and stood, walking around him to place my

belongingsononeofthequeensizebeds,leavinghimonhishandsandknees.Gatheringmycomposure,I
tookadeepbreath,turnedandfinallyspoketohim.

“Youcan’tjustcomeinhereuninvitedJason,nomatterhowfamousandimportantyouthinkyouare.”

MyvoicequaveredasIspoke.“Youdidn’tthinkIwouldwelcomeyouwithopenarmsdidyou?Youleft
me…andyounevercameback.Ilovedyou,andstupidlyIthoughtyoulovedmetoo.”

Hisfaceddropped,shocked.Perhapshehadenvisionedourreuniontobemuchdifferent.Despitemy

deepacheforhim,Iwasn’tabouttospreadmylegsforhimlikeacheapassgroupie.Butfuckmeifmy
vaginadidn’tthrobforhimeverytimehespokemyname.

Hestoodquicklyandmovedtowardsme,hishandoutstretched.“Cint,”hepleaded.Icouldhearhe

washurting.“Idoloveyou.”

Ignoringthethrob,Iheldupmyhandandputitonhischestbeforehegotanyclosertome.

Ishookmyhead.“StopJason.Ican’thearthis.It’stoolate.I’mmarriednow…andIhaveason.Ijust

wanttoknow--why?IthinkIdeserveit.Don’tyou?”

“Idon’tknowwhatyouaretalkingabout.”Heplacedhishandovermine,hiseyespleadingformeto

listen.“Icamebackforyou,butyouweregone.Youleftme.It’slikeyouhaddisappearedoffthefaceof
theearth.Nooneknewwhereyouhadgone.Notevenyourfamily.”

Iforcedalaughed.“Myfamily?YouknewhowIfeltaboutthem.WhywouldItellthemanything?I

hatethem.Andwhataboutmysister?Shetoldmeyousleptwithher.”

Hisfacecontorted.“Shewhat?Andyoubelievedher?”

Inodded,standingmyground.

“HowcouldyouthinkIwoulddothat?”heaskedhurtinhisvoice.“Andyoudidn’tevenwaitforme

toreturnandaskmetomyface?”Heletgoofmyhandandstartedpacingtheroom.

“Ididn’tthinkyouwerecomingback.Afterfourweeks,youhadn’tcalledlikeyoupromised.Ihadno

wayofgettingintouchwithyou,otherthanyourrecordlabel,andtheykeptgivingmetherunaround.I
wrotetoyou,buttherewasnoreply.TellmeJason,whatwasIsupposedtothinkwhenPhoebeconfessed
to me? She knew private things about you…” I choked on my words, forcing them to come out in a
whisper.“ThingsonlyIthoughtIknew.”

Likehiscutebirthmarkshapedinaloveheartonhisleftbuttcheek.Andhowheusedtohuminmyear

tosendtometosleepafterwehadmadelove.

“Andyoudidn’tthinkforoneminuteshewaslyingtoyou?”hesnappedbackatme,fireinhiseyes.

“Howelsecouldsheknowthesethings?Unlessyousleptwithher,”Ichallengedhim.

Hewalkedtome,bothofushurting,andtookmyhandsinhis.

“I can’t answer your question Jacinta. But, I know this. I didn’t have sex with your sister.” Truth

resonatedinhisvoice.“Justbecausesheisyouridenticaltwin,itdoesn’tmeanIwasattractedtoher.I
triedtocallyou,butyourfamilyalwaysansweredandsaidyouwereneverhome.Andasfortheletters,I
neverreceivedany.Itseemswehavebothbeenplayedasfools.Youbyyourfamilyandmemyrecord
company.Yousayyouthoughtyouknewme.I’mthesamepersonIwasbackthen.Lookatmenow,and
tellmeyoustillbelievethelies.”

I searched his face for a lie, but only found truth. My heart sunk. Stupid, mistrusting, foolish me.

BecauseofmyinsecuritiesIhaddestroyedmyownhappiness.IhadneverfeltworthyofJasonandmy
sisterhadalwaysbeenjealousofourrelationship.Shemusthaveoverheardaconversationbetweenusor
readmydiary.Herdeceithadnoboundaries.

Snakingahandaroundmywaist,heplacedhislargehandonthesmallofmybackandpulledmein

tightagainsthim.ReachingupIwrappedmyhandsaroundhisneck,pullinghisfacedowntomine,our
lipsalmosttouching,hislong,hairbrushingagainstmyshoulders.

“Jason,I…”

And before I had the chance to tell him I still loved him and I was sorry for placing my trust in the

wrongperson,Donna,myroommatefortheweekend,bargedthroughthedoor.

“HeyIgotanearlierflight,”sheshoutedexcitedlyasshemovedintotheroom,dancing,spinning,and

shakingherhipswithherarmsaboveherhead.“Let’sgetthepartystarted.”

Spinningonthespotshefrozemidturn,hergazefixedonus.DroppingmyhandslikeJasonwason

fire, I took a step back from him. Guilt spread across my face, even though I knew we weren’t doing
anythingwrong.OtherthanIwasabouttofoolishlydeclaremyundyinglovetomyex-boyfriend.

“Oh,sorry,Ididn’tknowyouhadcompany,”Donnasaidtome,beforerealisationdawnedonherface.

Herjawdroppeddramatically.“You’reJasonDean.”

Jasonsmiledaperfectrockstarsmile.“YesIam.Andyouare?”

“Donna,”shesaid,herexpressionlikeoneofthegroupiesfromthefoyer.

“ExcuseusforamomentDonna,”hesaidandledmepasthertothedoor,positioningmeagainstthe

wallandstoodsohisbackwastoher.Shecouldn’tseeorhearourprivateconversation.

“I’mhereuntilMonday,”hetoldme,hisvoicehushed.“Oneoftheboysfrommybandishavingastag

party.”

“That’sabitclichéd,”Itoldhimunabletoresisttheobvious.

He nodded laughing softly. “Sure is. Rich isn’t exactly up there for originality.” His smile

disappeared, turning serious. “I want to see you again, but I’ll leave it up to you. I understand you are
married.ButImissyou,everyday.Imisswhatwehad.”Hepressedahotelkeycardintomyhand.“I’m
stayinginthePenthouseVilla.Thiswillgiveyouprivateelevatoraccesstomyroom.”

Confused I curled my fingers around it, and opened my mouth, not sure what to say. He placed his

fingeronmylips.

“Youdon’thavetodecidenow.Justpromisemeyou’llthinkaboutit,”hesaid,beforeadding.“Ihave

myguitarhere,it’llbejustlikeoldtimes.”Hesmiledatmeandmyheartmelted.

Heremembered.

Ireturnedhissmile.“IpromiseyouI’llthinkaboutit.”

“That’sallIask.”Hepausedandlookedatmecontemplatively,likehewantedtosaysomethingelse,

butheturnedwithoutsayinganotherwordtome,andleftmestaringatthecloseddoor.

CHAPTERTHREE

AFTERTWODAYS,ANDwithhishotelkeyburningaholeinmypocket,Jasonwasneverfarfrommy
thoughts.EverytimeIturnedacorner,IthoughtIsawhim,andeventhoughIlongedforthecouragetogo
to his room, it didn’t feel right. I was still married after all…extremely unhappy, but nevertheless, still
someone’swife.AlthoughIhadn’tactedonmyinsaneurgestogotohisroom,Icouldn’tbeartonothave
the key on me at all times. It had become my Vegas talisman, just like a gambler would wear the same
underpants for luck or bring his lucky rabbits foot, I miraculously hoped his key would turn me into
someoneworthyofhisloveonceagain.

JustbecauseIcouldn’tgomakemyselfgotohisroom,itdidn’tmeanIdidn’twantto.Ithoughtabout

hisofferconstantly,andonceortwicewhenIhadfoundmyselfaloneintheelevatorIhadpulledthekey
frommypocketandwastemptedtoswipeitandpressthepenthousebutton.ButIalwayschickenedoutin
theend.Iknewthatre-openingthoseoldwoundswouldn’tendwell.

The PR conference was two days blurred into presentations and networking, with some obligatory

gamblingthrownin.Itwas,afterall,Vegas.FollowingthefinalworkshoponSundayevening,Donnaand
Iheadedtoabarwithagroupfromtheconferenceandorderedaroundofdrinks.Leaningonthebar,I
played my part, smiling and nodding along to the conversation, but my mind was elsewhere. In the
penthousevillatobeexact.

Donnaelbowedme.“Youshouldjustgo.”

“Ow.”Irubbedmyribwhereherelbowhadmadecontact,throwingherdeathglares.

Sheleanedintome,staringmestraightintheeyes.“Ifitwasme,Iwouldhavegonestraightupthere

withhim.Noneofthisfuckingaround,‘shouldI,shouldn’tI’crap.”

“Let’snotforget,I’mmarriedandyou’resingle.”

“Yourmarriagehadbeenoverforyears.YouandAndrewbothknowit.”

She had a point, but I still couldn’t bring myself to go there with Jason. “You’re biased Donna.

Rememberyoutoldmeheisyourcelebritycrush.”

“Of course I remember. I would jump his bones in a heartbeat. But he invited you up there not me.

Enoughwiththeexcusesalready.ThisisVegas,Jacinta.Youknowthesaying.”

Inodded.“YesIbelieveyouhavetoldmethatsayingnumeroustimesthisweekend.ButIcan’t.Ican’t

letmyselfgethurtbyhimagain.”

She shrugged. “You’re a grown woman and you can make your own decisions. I think you’re just

scared.”

“Scaredofwhat?Jason?”

“YesJason,andofbeinghappy.You’vebeenmiserableforsolongyouforgetwhatit’sliketobewith

someoneyoulove.”Shedownedherdrinkinonemouthfulandleftmealoneatthebartocontemplateher
thoughts.

IwasnolongerinthemoodforcompanyorfakingenthusiasmwithabunchofpeopleIcouldn’tgive

twoshitsabout.FinishingmydrinkIwentbacktomyroomtopackmybagfortomorrowscheckout.My
stomachchurnedatthethoughtofgoinghome…hometoAndrewandbacktomymiserableexistence.

Donnawasright.Ilookedattheneatpileofclothesfoldedinmysuitcase,slammeditclosedandeyed

offtheminibar.IfIwasgoingtodothis,Ineededalcohol,andlotsofit.

***

The elevator doors opened directly into foyer of the penthouse suite. I drunk stumbled my way in,

thankfulJason’ssecuritydetailwasnowheretobeseen.Itwaseithertoolate,orthereweren’ttoomany
oftheseelevatorkeysgettingaround.Regardless,Ijusthadtokeepmoving,onestepafteranother,nice
andsteady.Iwasonamission.

“Jason,”Icalledoutintothevastroominahushedwhisper.

Supporting my drunk jelly legs, I grabbed onto a piece of furniture and cocked my ear, listening

intentlyforareply.Nothing.Ihopedhewashere.Wouldn’tthatjustbetypical.Ifinallygotupthecourage
tocomeandseehim,andhewasn’there.Orworseyet,hewasgivingitupacheapassgroupie.Asdrunk
asIwas,Isteeledmyselfforthelatterscenario.Iwasn’tleavingwithoutseeinghimonelasttime,evenif
Ihadwaituntilhefinishedfucking.

Closingoneeyetoimproveonmydoublevision,Imadeabeelineforacloseddoor,hopingitwashis

bedroom--andhewasalone.Myunsteadylegsnowmovedoftheirownaccord,liketheyknewwheremy
heartbelonged.Myfracturedsoulhadbeentoolongawayfromitsmate.

ClaspingthedoorhandleItriedtoturnit,butitwaslocked.Thinkingmyselfasupercop,Iattempted

to shoulder slam it, trying to unsuccessfully bust it open, however I only injured my shoulder in the
process.Neveronetogiveuponceonadrunkenmission,IcontemplatedkickingitinbeforeIhearda
loudexpletivefrominsidetheroom.

“JesusfuckingChrist.Whothefuckisthere?”

I fell onto the doors, leaning on them face first for support and slurred into the crack of the double

doors.“Jase,it’sme.Jacinta.”

Thedoorsflungopeninward,andIfellintotheroom,straightintothearmsofmyfirstandonlytrue

love.Hisstrongarmsenvelopedmeinatightembrace.

“Youcame,”hewhisperedashebrushedhischeekacrossthetopofmyheadbeforehepulledmeback

andheldmeatarmslength,hisfaceradiatingwithhappiness.“Idon’tevencarethatyoustinkofbourbon
andyouareclearlyshitfaced.Whatmattersisthatyoucame.”

“NotyetIhaven’t.”EventhoughIwasdrunkbeyondbelief,IcouldstillrememberwhatIcametohis

roomfor.

Gatheringmycomposure,andonceIwasabletobalancesuccessfullyontwolegs,Iplacedmyhands

on his expansive tattooed chest and pushed him back towards his King size bed. Without removing his
handsfrommywaist,heletmetakecontrol.Thisreunionhadtobedoneonmyterms.

Once we reached the bed I pushed him down, his eyes never leaving mine as he fell back on the

mattress. It was then I noticed he was completely naked, his thick cock slowly rising to occasion. The
voidbetweenmylegsachedforhim,beggingtobefilled.Shruggingoffthehotel’swhitebathrobeIhad
worntohisroom,Istoodbeforehiminmysheerlacebraandpanties.

“Areyousureaboutthis?”Hiseyestookineveryinchofmyalmostnakedbody.

Swallowing hard I forced myself to tear my eyes away from his erection so I could meet his gaze.

“I’vebeenwaitingalmostsixteenyearsforthis.I’veneverbeenmoresureofanythinginmylifethanthis
momentrightnow.”

Jasonnoddedhisheadandlickedhislipsseductively.“Takeyourpantiesandbraoffthen.”Hisvoice

sexyandlow.“IneedyouJacinta.”

Reachingdownbetweenhislegs,hegrabbedontohisshaftandbeganmovinghishandupanddown

histhickgirth.InstantlyIwaswetforhim.Mypussywasnowthrobbing.

Itwasnowornever.IhadtodothisorIwouldforeverregretnotgivingmyselfthisshotofusbeing

togetheragain,evenifwasonlyforonenight.Reachingbehindwithonehand,Iunclaspmybraandletit
falltotheground,mydoubled’sspringingfree.

“Nowyourpanties,”Jasongrowledashecontinuedtomovehishandupanddownhismanhood,atiny

pearlofpre-comeglisteningatthetop.

Thumbing the elastic band of my panties, I wiggled my hips slightly as I slowly pulled my panties

down.OncetheywerepastmyhipsIletthemdropandsteppedoutofthem.Jasonlethiscockspringfree
andsatupfromhispronepositiononthebed.Placinghishandsonmywaist,hepulledmeintohim,his
face now only inches away from my bare pussy. Running his hands down over my ass, he cupped both
cheeksinhishandsandsqueezed,hisnailsdigginghardintomysoftflesh.

Hemoanedloudly.“Yousmellsogood.Iwanttotasteyou.LetmepleaseyouJacinta.”

Grabbing both his hands, I removed them from my ass and pushed him back down on the bed, his

gloriousnakedtattooedbodyonceagainstretchedoutbeforeme.

“SoonJason.Butfirst,letmedothismyway.”

Hisgazeneverleftmymineashismouthpartedslightly,excitementwrittenalloverhisface.“Take

meanywayyouwant.I’myoursCinta.Ialwayshavebeen.”

I swallowed hard and wished I had another of those damn mini bar bottles. My Dutch courage

waveredandItriednottoletmyselfthinkaboutthegorgeoussupermodelsandHollywoodactresseshe
musthavesleptwithinhistime.Iwasnothingbutanoverweightalmostmiddleaged,mildlysuccessful
PRsuburbanhousewife.Everythingonmewasreal.Nofakeboobs,noBotox,notevenfakenails.Icould
onlyhopethatIwouldn’tdisappointhim.IthadbeenalongtimesinceI’dhadsexofanykind,letalone
sexwithaguyIhadn’tstoppedthinkingaboutinsixteenyears.

Sensingmyinsecurities,hereachedouttomeandtookmyhand,guidingmeontopofhim.Straddling

hishipsIloweredmyselfontohim,theknobofhiscockpressingagainstmyopening.Reachingbetween
mylegsIwrappedmyhandaroundthebaseofhisshaftandheldhimsteadyasIslowlyletmyhipsdrop,
guiding him home, taking every inch of him. My face tilted to the ceiling and my eyes rolled back with
pleasureasIletoutamoanfromdeepwithinmychest.Atthatmomentitfeltlikeallmybloodhadrushed
tomyclitasitthrobbed,beggingtobetouched.Onetouchfromhimisallitwouldtaketosendmeintoa
brainbustingorgasm.ButIdidn’twanttocomeyet,Iwasn’treadyforthistoend.

Droppingmyheadforward,Iletmyhaircurtainmyfaceandkeptmyeyesclosed.Grittingmyteeth,I

fought against the tremors in my legs and the intense desire to touch my clit to send me over the edge.
Placingmyhandsonhischest,Ibeganmovingmyhips,ridinghim,feelingthelongshaftofhiscockslid

inandout.Hefeltsogood.IthadbeensolongsinceIhadbeenfucked,andJasonhadthebestcockofall.
Hehadalwaysfitmeperfectly.

Notcontenttolieandletmedoallthework,Jasongrabbedontomyhipswithhisstronghandsand

movedwithme,liftingmeupanddown,hishipsbuckingandthrustinghiscockdeeperandharderinto
me.MylipspartedandIletoutalongmoanofpleasureasthepressurecontinuedtobuildinsideofme.
Warmth spread through my lower extremities and my rhythm faulted as I neared climax, uncontrollable
shuddersspreadingthroughmybody.

Hepaused,holdingmyhipsstill.“LookatmeCint,”hecommanded.

Brushingmyhairfrommyface,Itippedmyheadandmethisgaze--hiseyesglazedoverwithpurelust.

His abs flexed as he sat up. Our faces now inches apart. He teased me, seductively running his tongue
overhislipsandteethbeforehefinallyputhislipsonmineandkissedme.Igrabbedathislongrockstar
hair,entwiningitaroundmyfingersandkissedhimback,hard,bitingandsuckingonhislips.Ourtongues
thrustingintoeachother’smouths,hungryformore.

He held me tight with one arm, then with his cock still buried deep inside me and our mouths still

movinginunison,rolledusover,hookingmyrightleginhisarm,openingmewide.Hemovedhiskisses
frommymouthandkissedhiswaydownmyneck,nippingatmyshoulderwithhisteeth,movinghiships
once again, slowly pulling his cock out until his knob was at the mouth of my pussy, before slamming
himselfhome.

“Jacinta,youfeelsogood.I’vewaitedtoolongforthis.”Grabbingafistfulofmybreast,hetookmy

nipple in his mouth and twirled his tongue around my taut bud, teasing it, before he bit it and sucked it
back, finishing by thrusting his cock deeper inside of me. His thrusts increased tempo, hard and faster
untilfinallyIreachedclimax.ArchingmybackIdugmyfingernailsintohimandIcamehard,screaming
hisname,finallylettingallmyinsecuritiesgo,reunitingapartofmethatIhadlostallthoseyearsago.

ThatmorningIawokebeforehim,allpartsofmyanatomyachinginagoodway.Wehadmadelove

multiple times into the night and continued on as the sun began to rise. We had made love slow and
romantic,fuckedhardandfast,himontop,himbehindme,butitallendedthesame--bothofusscreaming
each other’s names. It was everything I had remembered, but more. And in between our mammoth sex
sessions he sang to me on his old beaten up guitar, just like he said he would, and remembered every
single line of his love songs penned for me. When we were finally sated and could fuck no more, he
wrappedmeinhisarmsandhummedhissongstomeasIdriftedintosleep.

I knew leaving him after finally finding him was going to be difficult, but I had to. I was from a

differentworldtohim.Perhapswewerenevermeanttobe…maybeinanotherlifetime.Butweweren’t.
We were here and now, and I was grateful for this second chance to be with him again--this chance to
makeourpeace.

And even though it had nothing to do with Jason, but everything to do with him, I knew that when I

returnedhometoL.A.IwasleavingAndrew.SinceIleftSeattleandmarriedAndrewallthoseyearsago,
Ihadbeenbroken,onlyashellofmyself,believingmyselfundeservingofaffection.WhileIwouldnever
bethatinnocenttrustingtwenty-oneyearoldagain,Ifinallyfeltwholeagain.Jasonhadnotonlyhealed
myheart,butmysoul.Hehadgivenmethestrengthandcouragetofacemyfutureheadon.

BrushingmybruisedandswollenlipssoftlyagainstJason’s,Iwhisperedmygoodbye,safelyknowing

hewouldn’thearme,ashewasstillfastasleep.“IloveyoutooJasonDean,andIalwayswill.”

Sliding out of his bed, I dressed myself in my underwear and the hotel robe I had worn down, and

mademywaybackdowntheprivateelevatortomyroomtoshowerbeforeIcheckedoutandleftforthe
airport.

WhenIreturnedtotheroomDonnawasnowheretobefound,allherbelongingspackedandremoved

fromtheroom.Onmypillowwasahandwrittennotefromhertosayourreturnflighthadbeenbrought
forwardtwohours,butshecouldn’treachme.JustasIwasabouttofreakoutaboutmissingmyflight,
Jasonburstintomyroom,dressedonlyinapairoflowwaist,hip-huggingjeans.

Hegrabbedmeandkissedmepassionately.Partsofmybodytingledatthememoriesoflastnight.He

puthisforeheadagainstmineandstaredintomyeyes.“Youleftmewithnogoodbyeorawaytocontact
you.Don’teverleavemelikethatagain.”

Isighed.“IteasierthiswayJason.”

“Well I’m not letting you go this time. I love you Jacinta and I know you feel the same. We belong

together.You’remine,I’myours.”

Ishookmyheadandtookastepback,inneedofsomebreathingspacebetweenthetwoofus.“It’ll

neverwork.Ourworldsaretoodifferent.Plusthereismyson…”

“Hecancometoo.Iloveyou.Anypartofyouisapartofme.What’shisname?”

My heart swelled. Maybe this could work. “I call him J.D. But his name is Jason.” I took a deep

breath.“Inamedhimafterhisfather.Hehasyoureyes.”

Jason held me at arms length, his face pale with shock as he took a moment to speak. “You mean…

he…we…I’mhisfather?Fuck.I’mspeechless.”Runninghishandthroughhislonghairheturnedfromme
andstartedpacingtheroom.

FollowinghimIgrabbedholdofhisarmandforcedhimtolookatme.“Pleasedon’tjudgemeJason.

Letmeexplaineverythingtoyoufromthebeginning.”

He looked at me, the expression on his face changed--before full of love, was now guarded and

unsure.Henoddedhisheadandsatdownonthearmchairbythewindow.“Okay,I’mready.”

I sucked in a huge breath and exhaled. “When I left Seattle, I didn’t know I was pregnant with your

child. I’m almost one hundred percent certain J.D. was conceived on the last night we were together
beforeyouleftforL.A.Idon’tknowhowithappened,wewerealwayscareful,buttheremusthavebeen
aholeinthecondomorsomething.IarrivedinL.A.almostfourweeksafteryouleft.Withnomoneyor
placetostay,IimmediatelywentlookingforworkandmetAndrewatabarIhadwalkedintoandasked
aboutajob.Heaskedmeout,andthatnightweslepttogether.ItwasthefirsttimeIhadbeenwithanyone
elsesinceyou.Ireallywasn’tinterestedinhim,butitwasmywayofsayingFuckYouafterIthoughtyou
hadcheatedonmewithmysister.Anyway,Iendedupworkingatthebar,andheletmestayathisuntilI
foundaplaceofmyown.WehookedupafewmoretimesbeforeIrealizedIwaspregnant.HonestlyI
thoughtAndrewwasthefather,andeventhoughweweren’tinlove,Andrewwantedtodotherightthing
byusboth,sowegotmarried.Itwasn’tuntilJ.D.wasbornandIlookedinhiseyesthatIknewhewas
yours.”

Heatstartedtorushuphisneckandflushhisfaceashisangerrose.“Whydidn’tyoucomelookingfor

me?Iwouldhavemarriedyouinaheartbeatandgivenmysonthefatherheshouldhavehad.”

“IdidlookforyouJason…everyday.Ididn’tstoptryingtoreachouttoyou.”Tearswelledinmyeyes

asmymemoriesandheartacheallcamefloodingback.“Ifoundoutwhereyouwererecordingandcame
toyourstudio.Theywouldn’tletmeinsoIstoodoutsidewaitingforyou.Butwhenyoucameout,you
hadyourarmaroundasupermodel.AGoddamnsupermodel!HowcouldIevercomparetothat?SoIran.
Andthenthenextdayallthetabloidswererunningarticlesonhowyouandherwereengagedandmoving
intogether.”

Heshookhishead.“Thatwasastoryfabricatedbymyrecordcompanytocreatepublicity.Ihadbeen

tryingtocontactyou.”

“I didn’t know that. It was after that I vowed to keep this a secret and to take it to the grave. J.D.

doesn’tevenknow.Don’tjudgemeJase.Icouldn’thandleit.Especially,ifafterfindingyouagain,you
hatedme.Noonecanhatememorethanmyselfrightnow.”Tearsstreameddownmyfacenowthatmy
secretwasout.IhadfuckedupandruinedthelivesofthoseIcaredabout.

Hestoodandwalkedovertometakingmyhandsinhis.“Idon’thateyouJacinta.Icouldneverhate

you.Butwhydidyoustaywithyourhusband?”

“Youhavetounderstand,Ididn’thaveachoice.IhadtodowhatwasrightforJ.D.Iknewitwasabig

mistake.ApartofmethinksAndrewalreadyknows.He’sneverbondedwithJ.D.andhe’salwaysbeen
an ass to both of us. After we married and J.D. was born, he had already changed toward me. He’d
alwayshadaffairsand…”IlookedawayfromJason’sunwaveringgazeunabletotellhimthefullextent
ofmyabuseandsufferingatthemanIcalledmyhusband.

Hehookedhisfingerundermychinandmadelookathim,hisblueeyesblazingwithrage.“Andwhat

Jacinta?Tellmeeverything.DidhehityouandJ.D.?”

My answer caught in my throat. Never had anyone cared enough about J.D. and myself to guess the

truth.Unabletospeak,Isimplynodded.Jasonspunawayfrommeandgrabbedavasefromasidetable
andflungitacrosstheroom,smashingitintopiecesagainstthewall.

“Fuck,”hebellowedandpickedupthetelephonefromthesamesidetableandyankeditfromthewall.

“StopJason!”Iyelledathimandbarreledmyselfintohim,wrappingmyarmsaroundhisbody.His

chestwasheavingwithrage.“There’snopointingettingangry.Ideservedit.Itwasmypunishmentfor
lyingtoeveryone.”

Hedroppedthephoneandheldmetightlyagainsthim.“Idon’tcarewhatyoudid.Noonehastheright

tohityou…ormyson.”Heledmetothebedandsatdown,pullingmeontohislapandjustheldme.It
wasminutesbeforeeitherofusspoke,bothofusjusttakingintherevelationsthatIhadjustspilled.

“I’mleavingAndrew,”Itoldhim,breakingthesilence.“AssoonasIgetback,I’mleavinghim.Ihad

alreadydecidedwhenIcametoyourroomlastnight.”

Jason nodded his head in agreement. “Nothing has changed. My decision stands. You and J.D. will

come live with me in L.A. If your husband has anything to say about it, I’ll pay the mother fucker off.
Moneyalwaystalkstodouchebags.”

“Youmeanyoustillwantme,aftertheliesItold?”

Tenderlyhecombedhisfingersthroughmyhair.“Ofcourse.Iloveyou.HowmanymoretimesdoI

havetotellyou?”Hesmiledatmeandkissedmegently.“Now,asmuchasIwanttofuckyouallday,
let’sgetdressed.I’llhavemyprivatejetreadiedwithinthehour,andwecangopickupourson.”

My heart just about exploded with happiness hearing those final words, ‘our son’, and I knew

everythingwasgoingtoworkoutokay.

TRAPPEDINHISEMBRACE

CHAPTERONE

PICKINGUPMYWHITEsummermaxi-dressfromthefreshlylaunderedclothespileIarrangeditneatly
on a clothes hanger--even looping those stupid long clothing straps that no one really knew what to do
with around it. As I placed the dress in the wardrobe I imagined it was a wedding dress and smiled
wistfully. Mike had been acting very suspicious of late. It was Valentine’s Day next weekend, and our
threeyearsevenmonthanniversary.Mystomachdidalittleflip.Maybehewasplanningonaskingmeto
marry him. Sure it was cliché, a proposal on the day celebrating love, but Mike was never one for
spontaneityororiginality.Ididn’tcare.Iwasn’toneforhugesurprisesanyway.

JustasIwasimaginingwhattypeofringhewouldslideonmyfinger,myphonevibratedsoundlessly

inthebackpocketofmyjeans.Isighed.Whoeveritwas,itbetterbebloodygoodtointerruptmythree
caratdiamondandplatinumdaydream.PullingmyphoneoutIglancedatthelockscreenalert.Itwasmy
bestfriendAdam,sendingmeatextmessage.

Hooker.Ifoundhim.Lookthisuponfacey--NickBrown.

Instantly my hands began shaking. I knew what this meant. Adam had been searching for months,

despitemetellinghimtodropit.Ishovedmyphonebackdowndeepinmypocketandstoodfrozeninthe
middle of my bedroom. With my eyes shut tight, attempting to block out the world, if only for just a
second,Ilistenedtonothingbutthesoundofmybreathwhistlingthroughmylungs.Itwashopeless.Just
thosetwolittleinsignificantwords,NickBrown,hadresurrectedmonthsofanguish,makingitimpossible
toshutoffmymindandescapetheinnuendosandwhispersofinfidelitythatconstantlytumbledaroundin
myheadandleachedintomysoul.

NickBrown.

Thenamespoketome,tauntedme.Shakingitoff,Ibreatheddeeplyonceagaintoclearmyselfofthe

poisonous rumors. They were, after all, only rumors. Michael had told me that’s what they were. Why
shouldn’tIbelievehim?

Shelvingmyweddingdreams,Ilefttheremainderofclothestobehungupinapilebythewalk-in-

robe,andsatcross-leggedonmybedopeningmylaptopinfrontofme.Thescreencametolifewithmy
computer wallpaper--a photo of myself and Michael taken six months ago on my birthday. Wave after
wave of nausea rolled off me as I thought about that night...the night the rumors all began. We’d been
together so long. Four years in July. He’d never do that to me. He’d never cheat. Adam was wrong. I
knowhewasonlylookingoutforme,butIhadtoputanendtotheserumoursonceandforall.

Myhandsshookuncontrollablyasmyfingersfumbledoverthecomputerkeys,typingthenameintothe

Facebook search function. Nick Brown. A name forever embedded in my memory. A cold foreboding
shiverrandownmyspineandIpaused,myhandhoveringovertheenterkey,unsureifIreallywantedto
press the button. Things were good. Sure, they could be better. Like in the bedroom...I shook my head
again,thistimeclearingitoftheself-doubtandsecond-guessing.Noneofthatmattered.Ilovedhimand
neededtoknowthetruth.NowwasnotthetimetoburymyheadinthesandlikeIusuallydid.Nowwas
thetimetogettheanswersIcraved.

Finally,IpressedtheenterbuttononmylaptopandshutmyeyestightlyasImouthedasilentprayerto

theuniversewhilethepageloaded.Pleasedon’tletitbetrue.SuckingbackairthroughflarednostrilsI
heldmybreath,untiladeepburnignitedandflamesofurgencytobreathebegantolickattheedgesofmy
lungs.Crackingtheslightestofopeninginmylefteye,Isnuckaglimpseatthetopprofilethathadpopped
upinmysearchfunction.

Forcefully I expelled my stale breath and pulled at my long black hair in frustration. Only this time

insteadofahopefulprayer,Iletoutanexpletive.“Fuck.You’vegottobekiddingme.”

I felt like I was going to throw up. The rumors were true. Michael was cheating on me, and

broadcasting it not so discreetly though a fake account on Facebook. Clicking on the profile of Mike’s
alteregoNickBrown,IscrolledthroughtheopenaccountthatdisplayedphotosofMike,akaNick,with
scantily clad women taken at a dive bar in the city. On nights no doubt when I had been working the
graveyardshiftatthehospital.

Thescreenblurredastearsfilledmyeyesandspilledover,runningsilentlydownmycheeks.Whyhad

he done this to us? Things weren’t that bad between us that he had to cheat on me. Memories of my
birthdaycelebrationfloodedback.Thenighttherumorsstarted.Thenighthealsoranintoabunchofhigh
schoolbuddies--thesamegroupofguysfromthesocalled‘incrowd’thatusedtolaughatmeandcallme
names.Afterthatnight,wehadbeguntoseelessofeachotherduringtheweek,sometimesnotatallon
weekends,especiallyifIwasworkingnights.Thentherewerethetimeshedidn’tevencomehome,orif
he did, he rolled in at five a.m. after a boozy night with the boys. Not to mention we fought over the
stupidestthings.

Snappingshutmylaptop,Ipusheditasideandletmyselffallbackwardsontothesoftcushioningofthe

mattressandpillowsandstaredblanklyattheceilinginourbedroom,hopingtheanswersonhowtosort
outthisclusterfuckofamesswouldmiraculouslypopintomyhead.Despitefindingoutthetruth,thelove
wasstillthere.Formeanyway.Hewas,andalwayswillbemyeverything.

LookingbackIcouldadmitourrelationshiphadbecomea‘habit’wellbeforemybirthday--akisson

thecheekeachmorningtosaygoodbye,andnightlydinnersinfrontoftheTV.Andoursexlifewaspretty
muchnon-existent...Fuck!Whendidmyrelationshipbecomemyparents’?Alltheclueshadbeenthere,
butfoolishly,Ihadignoredthem.AndnowI’dlosthim.Itwasmyfault.Iletmycareerambitionsgetin
thewayofmyrelationship.Myhearthurt.Alot.

Mike’svoiceechoedupthestairwellandcarriedthroughtheclosedbedroomdoorashewalkedthe

stairsofourapartment.“Yeahbro.Nina’sworkingtonight.Let’shititup.I’mkeenforapieceofass.”He
laughed.Bythesoundofit,hewasonthephoneorganisinganothernightoutwiththebros...andtheho’s.
Hisloudlaughceasedabruptly.“Hangonasecmate,I’mnotsurewhereNina’sgotto.”

Quickly I shoved my laptop under my bed, and raced into the en-suite bathroom, hiding behind the

opendoorjustlikeIusedtowhenIwasakidplayinghideandgoseekwithmycousins.Iwatchedhim
throughthecrackinthedoorhingeasheenteredthebedroomslowly,peeringaroundtheroomfromthe
doorway. Pressing myself up tight against the wall I sucked in my gut, and using the handle, pulled the
doortightagainstmeandheldmybreath.

HiseyesskirtedstraightpastmyhidingplaceandpausedattheindentonthebedwhereIhadbeen

sitting.SlowlyIexhaledasilentshakybreathandtookanothershallowone,hopingitwasquietenoughto
keepmyhidingplaceundiscovered.Heglancedattheclothespileonthefloorandwalkedtothesmall
walk-in-robewesharedandsteppedinside,spreadingtheclothesalongtherackwithonehand.Themetal

hangerssquealinginprotestashemovedthemalongthemetalrodintherobe.

Heshookhisheadandgavealittlelaugh.“Youstilltherebro?”heasked,directinghisquestiontothe

personontheotherendofthemobilephone.“Yeahthecoastisclear.Ithoughtshemighthavebeeninthe
bedroom.Can’triskherfindingoutaboutMonicaandruinthegoodthingI’vegotgoingonthere.It’snot
likeMonicacansupportmefinanciallythewayNinadoes.MonicaiseverythingNinaisn’t...fuckinghot
andatigerinthesack...”

HeatbegancreepingupmyneckandIgritdownhardonmybackteeth.Michaellaughedagain.“No

fuckingway.Nina’scuteinherownway,butshe’snotMonica.Andwhenwe’rescrewing,she’slikea
dead body and just lies there like a stunned mullet. Missionary is her favourite position bro. You and I
bothknowI’monlyhereforhermoney.ImagineifshefoundoutthatI’dusedhercreditcardtopayfor
thoseprostitutestheothernight.”

I’dheardenough.Loveornolove,thatwasmoneylefttomebymydadwhenhediedafewyearsago

fromcancer.Itwastobeformyfuture.AfuturethatnownolongerincludedMichael,orNickBrown.

SteppingoutfrombehindthedoorIstoodinthedoorway,stancewidewithmyhandsclenchedinto

fists by my side. “You mother fucker.” I screamed at him like a banshee just before I ran at him and
unleashedmyfists.

Michaeldroppedthephoneandheldhishandsuptoprotecthisface.ThesamefaceIhaddreamtof

beingminethroughallofhighschool,andfinallysnaggedinuniversity.NowIknewwhysomeoneashot
andpopularasMichaelwouldwanttobewithme.Itwasallbecauseofmymoney.

MichaelkepthisarmsupasIcontinuedtopummelhimandscreamprofanitiesathim.

“Settle down Nina,” he yelled and grabbed my arms by the wrists, locking them together so I could

causehimnomorephysicalharm.“You’reactinglikeafuckingpsychorightnow.”

Anicy,hatefulcalmsettledoverme.“Fuckoffoutofmyapartment,andnevercomeback.”

CHAPTERTWO

MY LIFE OVER THE past month had been a blur of work and wine. When I wasn’t at work, I was
drinking,andwhenIwasatwork,Iwasthinkingaboutit.Anythingtonumbmypainandhelpmeforget.
Whichiswhatultimatelylandedmehere,onthethresholdofShootersBarandGrind.Theinfamousdive
barthatMikehadbeentaggedinonphotosonFacebook.

Ihadn’tspokentoMikesinceIkickedhimout,eventhoughhehadtriedtocallmemultipletimes.My

shrinktoldmeIneededclosureonourrelationship,to‘moveon’.Technicallyitwasgoodadvice.Iwas
intelligentenoughtoknowthatIshouldmoveon,especiallyconsideringthewayhetreatedme;andthen
therewasmygrowingdependenceonalcohol.Callmeafool,butemotionallyIwasn’treadytoputitall
behindme.Myheartstillhurtfromthebetrayal.

However...Ihadthoughtaboutit,andfiguredthebestwaytostarttheprocesswastoseethisplacefor

myself. And if he happened to be here too, with those women, good! Let him see that I was moving on
withmylife.Withouthiminit.AndthatIknewhowtohaveagoodtime.I’llgivehimstunnedmullet.Of
courseitwasallforshow,buthedidn’thavetoknowthat.

Looking up at the flashing neon sign above the bar’s door, I clasped my hands together tightly and

twistedthemnervously,tryingtoignoretheuneasyfeelinginmygut.Iwaswayoutofmydepthhere.A
few hours ago, after polishing up my first bottle of wine for the night, my plan of ‘moving on’ seemed
flawless.However,nowIwashere,itseemedlikeabadidea.MaybeIshouldbemoreconcernedabout
notgettingshankedassoonasIwalkedthroughthedoor,ratherthanrunningintoMike.

Shooters was a well known shit hole, and being a straight laced girl that had never done anything

illegalinherlife,thisplacewasasfarremovedaspossiblefromanestablishmentIwoulddrinkat.Its
reputation preceded itself. Known more for its hook ups than quality customer service and product,
everyoneintownknewifyouwantedanythingillicit,fromdrugstoprostitution--I’devenheardyoucould
hire a hit man--this was the place to come to. I was shocked that Mike had been hanging out here. It
wasn’thistypicalplacetohaveadrink.Heusuallypreferredasportsbarwithcraftbeerontap.

Aftertakingacoupleofdeepbreathsinquicksuccession,Ipushedopenthedoortothedimlylitbar

and gagged almost immediately on the overwhelming aroma of tobacco and stale booze. A haze of
cigarettesmokehungintheairandengulfedme.Beefedup,beardedmeninLevijeansandleatherjackets
lined the bar, drinking beer and throwing back whiskey shots. Somewhere in the back of the room, a
jukebox was playing an old AC/DC classic and guys were hollering and laughing as the crack of pool
balls being belted against each other echoed in the room. The few women in the bar all looked to be
attached,eachofthemhangingoffthearmoftheirman.Theycertainlydidn’tresembleanyofthecheap
slutsonMichael’sfakebookaccount.MaybeIwastooearlyfortheskank-patrol?

Takingastepintothebar,thesolesofmybootsimmediatelystucktothelayersofspiltalcoholonthe

stickycheapfloorcovering.AfewpatronssittingatthebarturnedandcheckedmeoutasImademyway
toatablebythesideoftheroom,awayfromthehustleandbustleofthemainbararea.Alargepartofme
reallyhopedMikewouldbehere.I’dlostashittonofweightsinceIkickedhimoutandwantedhimto
seeme.Yeah,Iwasn’treadytomoveon.Callitanunhealthyobsession.Ineededadistraction.Maybe
copiousamountsofalcoholwouldsuffice.Itusuallydid.

PullingachairoutfromunderneaththetableIsatdown,carefultoavoidputtingmyarmsonthewet

surface, afraid of whether the wet substance was not only alcoholic, but something more superstitious.
Whateveritwas,Isureashellwasn’tabouttotakeaswabsampletofindoutbackattheworklaboratory.
Ilookedaroundthebar,unsuccessfulinspottingMike’smopofsandycurls.Judgingbythelownumberof
patronsinthebar,Imusthavebeenearlyfortheestablishment.Theremusthavebeentwentypeoplemax,
includingmyself.

A peroxide blond, big chest waitress approached my table and pulled a notepad from her waitress

apron.Shelookedmeupanddown,scrutinisingme.“Lookingforsomethingorsomeoneinparticular?”

Ismiledtightlyatherandchidedmyselfforlookingsoobvious.“Justafriend.Idon’tthinkhe’shere

yet.”

Sheshiftedherweightimpatientlyfromonelegtotheother.“Wouldyoulikeadrinkwhileyouwait

forhim?”

“Yesthank-you.Doyouhaveadrinksmenu?”

Thewaitresssnortedalaughandalmostchokedonhergum.“ThisisShootershoney.Ifyou’vecome

forcocktailsandcanapésyou’reinthewrongplace.”

Ifrowned.“Doyouhavewhitewine?”

Shescruncheduphernoseandshookherheadbeforeshelookedaboutthebarandleanedincloseto

me.Eventhoughnooneelsewasnearus,shespokewithahushedtone.“Youlooklikeanicegirl,soI’m
gunna’ give you a little tip. Shooters is a shit hole, and it has a pretty bad rep. If you’ve heard a story
aboutthisplace,thenit’smostlikelytrue.So,unlessyouwanttohookup,shootup,orgetbeatup,I’d
keepalowprofile.”

Iswallowedhard.“Thanksfortheheadsup.Idon’tplanondoinganyofthosethingstonight.I’mjust

waitingforafriend.”

“Right,”shedrawledoutthewordandeyeballedme,likeshewastryingtofigureoutwhyIwasreally

here.

Ilookedtowardthebar,spyingthebottlesofwhiskeythatlinedthemirroredwall.“So,whatdoyou

haveifyoudon’thavecocktailsorwine?”

Shestoodupstraightandputherhandonherhip.“Yourchoiceisprettymuchbeerorwhiskey.”

“Applecider?”Iaskedhopefully.

Sheshookherhead.“Beerorwhiskey.”

“I’llhaveaWhiskey...”Igaveheraslysmilebeforecontinuing,“...Sour?”

Sherolledhereyesatmeandmutteredsomethingunintelligibleunderherbreathbeforereplying,“I’ll

seewhatcanIdo.”

***

I was bored, and drunk. A combination that didn’t usually go hand in hand. If I was out with my

friends,atthisstageinthenightIwouldbebustingamoveonthed-floor.AccordingtoCandy,mynew
best friend that had served me bottomless Whisky Sours all night, things in here didn’t ‘pick up’ until
closetomidnight,andtherewasneveranydancing,unlessitwasofthestrippingkind.Inthepasthour,a

steady stream of girls had begun arriving, but none of them had remotely resembled any of the girls in
Mike’sfakebookaccount,andbelieveme,Ihadeverysingleoneofthosegirlsfacesmemorised.Iguess
where Michael was concerned it was irrelevant if he knew them or not. He’d proven that he’d screw
anything.

Taking my straw, I swirled the last of my drink until the ice dissolved and slurped it back until the

glasswasempty.Iglancedatmywristwatchandstifledayawnwiththebackofmyhand.Justoneleven.
The bar had so far proven to be little more than your average drinking hole. The patron numbers had
swelledtoaboutahundred,butitwasn’texactlywhatIthoughtitwouldbe,orwhatCandyhadhypedit
uptobeforthatmatter.Theredidn’tappeartobealotgoingonotherthanguysplayingpoolandhavinga
fewdrinkswhiletheirgirlfriendsstayedhuddledintightgroups.

Ihadn’tmovedanywheresincearrivingforfearoflosingmytable,whichconsideringtheamountof

drinksI’dconsumed,wasn’tsuchagoodidea.Mybladderfeltlikeitwasabouttoburst.JustasIwas
contemplating a trip to the bathroom, an insane quiet fell over the room, except for the jukebox now
playing a Jet hit. All conversations had ceased and people froze in their places like they were being
filmed for the mannequin challenge. A group of bikers in club colours stood at the entry of the bar and
movedtheirwaythroughtheroom,eyeballingeveryoneintheroomastheypassedthem.

I held my breath as they walked past my table in a pack formation. Leading them was a broad

shouldered, extremely intimidating, not to mention sexy male, with a tight ass to boot. When his eyes
caughtmine,IhadafeelingIknewhimfromsomewhere,butIcouldn’tthinkwhereIwouldhavemethim
before.Liketheestablishment,hewasn’tthetypeofguymyfriendsorIwouldassociatewith.

Hewastheonlymaleinthegroupnotwearingclubpatches,butthewayheledthemthroughthebar

indicated he was in control and commanded power. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him as he
continuedwiththegrouptotherearoftheroom.Hehadeyesthatdrilledholesinyoursoul,andthighs
that pushed hard against the fabric of his jeans. He was more muscle than lean. A real rough about the
edgestypeofguy.Thekindofguythatwouldthrowyouupagainstthewallandfuckallnightlong,then
discardyouthenextmorningwithoutasecondthought.HewaswhatIcalledafantasyguy.Theguyyou
wouldlieinbedandthinkaboutwhiletouchingyourselfdownstairs.Notthetypeofguyyoucouldbuilda
lifewith.Thecompleteoppositeofmytype.AlthoughIthoughtMikewasmytype,andlookwherethat
gotme.Chewedupandspatout.

Thebarremainedquietuntilthegrouptookuptheirpositionsattherearoftheroom.Ibreathedasigh

of relief as the tension in the room dissipated, and they settled into their place. Unfortunate for me
however, as I had to walk past them to get to the bathroom and despite the amount of drinks I’d had, I
wasn’t that drunk to walk past them. Their very presence put me on edge. Good thing working in a
hospitalhadtrainedmetohaveastrongbladder.

IcrossedmylegsandwaitedpatientlyforMiketoshow,cautiouslywatchingthegroupofbikers.They

didn’t cause any problems. Instead they stuck together at the back of the bar drinking quietly amongst
themselves. Occasionally, one of the skanks dressed in a skirt barely covering her ass and a top just
holdinginherboobs,wouldwalkpastthegroupandthrowthem‘comefuckme’looks.Butnomatterhow
muchthegirlsflickedtheirbottleblondhairovertheirshoulderorswayedtheirhipsastheywalked,they
wouldalwayswalkbacktowheretheycamefrom...aloneandcompletelyignored.Callmeabitch,butthe
lookofrejectionontheirfacesgavemeimmensesatisfaction.Eveniftheyweren’ttheparticulargirlson
myhitlist,theyobviouslyweren’tusedtobeingignoredandtreatedliketheyweresecondrate.Welcome

tomyworld.

CandyarrivedatmytablebringingmeyetanotherWhiskySour.Sheplacedthedrinkonthetablein

frontofmeandnoddedtowardthefrontdoorasanothergroupofleathercladguyswalkedintothebar.
“Hasyourfriendarrivedyet?”

Ifollowedhergazeandscrewedmyfaceup.“No.Idon’tthinkhe’scoming.I’mjustwastingmytime,

not to mention money on these drinks. What’s the point of getting drunk for Dutch courage if you don’t
need it?” I asked her rhetorically. I handed her money for the drink along with a generous tip, then
scoopedouttheiceanddownedtheWhiskySourinonemouthful.“I’llmakethisonemylastandgeta
cabhome.ThanksforyourcompanytonightCandy.”

ShebeamedafterpocketingthetipIhadjustgivenher.“Noproblemsweetie.Itwasnicemeetingyou,

andIhopeyoufindyourfriend.”

BeforeIleftIhadtousethebathroom.Iwasalmostatthepointofwettingmypants.Igatheredmy

purse and stumble walked toward the bathroom at the back of the room, passing another one of the
rejectedfemalesasshewalkedintheoppositedirectiontome.

“Don’tbother,”shesaidtomeaswepassed.Hervoiceclippedandicy,clearlypissedoff.“He’snot

interestedtonight.”Ihadnoideawhoshewastalkingabout,butcomparedtotheotherchicks,shewas
actually attractive with modest make-up, and while she wasn’t exactly dressed like a nun, she didn’t
screamsluteither.

SuddenlyIfeltoddlyliberatedandconfident,thecompleteoppositeofhowI’dfeltsincewhenIfound

outMikehadbeencheatingonme.MaybeIwasworthyofmaleattentionafterall.Itmusthavebeenthe
severalWhiskySoursI’dconsumedinthepasttwohoursthatmademereply,“I’lltakemychances,”and
letmyhipsswingasIsteppedoutinmykneelengthhighheeledboots.

As I passed the group of bikers, just like the short skirted girls before me, I gave my hips an extra

swing and pouted my lips at them. But, instead of being ignored like the girls before me, a large hand
grabbedmyassandsqueezedtight.

Adeepsexyvoicegreetedme.“Heyprincess,you’renewaroundhere.Youmustbelookingforme?”

Not expecting to be addressed, or manhandled, I spun around and automatically slapped the hand

away. Narrowing my eyes I confronted the owner of the hand and poked him the chest. “I’m no-ones
princess,andyou’renotthepersonI’mlookingfor.Sokeepyourhandsoffme,asshole.”

Hewasthesameguythatlookedfamiliartomeandhadledthepackintothebar.Upclosehelooked

muchhotterthanIhadoriginallythought.Possiblylatetwentiesanddangerouslysexy,hislongdarkhair
wastiedbackinamanbun.Tattooscoveredhisneck,andfromwhatIcouldseeinthedimlylitbarnow
thathisleatherjackethadbeenremoved,everyotherpieceofexposedskinthathisclothesdidn’t.Unlike
hisfriendswithhimthough,hehadnofacetattoosandsportedashorterlesswildbeard.Myheartraced
andthethrillofdangerandexcitementflowedthroughmeatthesametime.

He laughed in my face, clearly not bothered by my attitude. His blue eyes lit up and he grabbed my

hand, placing it over his cock, pressing my palm against the hardening flesh through his jeans. “You’re
makingmehardbaby.Ilikemypussywithbite.”Hisdeepvoicesendingshiversdownmyspine.

Pullingmyhandfromhisgrip,Irespondedbyslappinghimacrosstheface.“Fuckoffcreep.”

The light in his eyes intensified and could have burned holes into me. I recoiled slightly, instantly

knowingIhadoversteppedanunseenboundary.Hislittlepossestoppedlaughingandwentquietasthey
surroundedusinacircle.Icouldn’tmoveforwardorback.Theyhadmetrapped.

Oneofthempressedhisbodyupagainstmine,andspokesoftlyinmyear.“You’regoingtopayforthat

bitch.NoonehitsNathan.”

WhileIshouldhavebeenconcernedaboutthedouchebehindme,whowasnowpressinghishipsinto

myass,Icouldn’ttearmyeyesawayfromNathan.Ahugeredweltmarkintheshapeofmypalmslowly
spreadacrosshischeek.Hetookastepclosertome,ourbodiesalmosttouching.Hisglarehadmefrozen
tomyspot.Although,withthegoonbehindme,Icouldn’tmoveevenifIwantedto.

Like the welt on his face, Nathan’s anger continued to spread and seeped from his pores. His body

stance changed. No longer relaxed and jovial, his biceps and neck muscles strained as he barely
containedhisrage.Fearofhisretaliationahugereality.

Panickedwordstumbledoutofmymouth,myconfidencelonggone.Iletoutanervouslaugh.“Look,

um,Nathan.I’msorryforhittingyou.I’mnotheretohookup.Myex-boyfriendwascheatingonmeandI
justcameheretoproveapoint.”Fuck.Isoundedlikealunatic.

Nathan’sreactionwasthetotaloppositetowhatIhadenvisioned.Hopingforareprieve,insteadthe

firebehindhiseyesintensified,andheflickedhisheadathiscrew.“BackoffMalcolm.I’vegotthis.”
Immediately the goon behind me backed off giving me some space. Nathan waited until we were alone
beforehespokeagain.Grippingmyarmaroundthebicephepulledmeincloseandgrowledinmyear.
Hisvoicedeepandfullofauthority.“Youshouldn’thavecomehereprincess.Thisbarisn’ttheplacefor
games.Peoplecangetveryhurthere.”

Iswallowedhard.“Iunderstand.Thankyouforwarningme.”

“Iwouldn’tbethankingmejustyet.”Helaughedsoftlyandreleasedhisholdonme.

“What does that even mean?” I couldn’t help but notice even though he no longer held my arm, he

remaineduncomfortablyclose.Socloseinfact,Icouldseeinthedimlighthiseyesweren’tjustblue,but
hadtinyflecksofgreenandbrown,andhismouthbeneathhisbeardwasfull.Hesmeltsweetandmusky,
mouthwatering.Iinhaledslowly,takinghimallin.

Hisfullmouthpulledupslightlyatthesidesinasexysmile.“Itmeans,youhaven’tleftthebaryet...”

Hiswarningtrailedoff.

“Okay...”Ipausedabeattoseeifhehadsomethingelsetosay,beforeIhurriedlyspunawayfromhim

andcontinuedontothebathroom.Asmuchasheturnedmeon,myguttoldmetogetawayfromhimas
fastaspossible.NomatterhowhardIthoughtaboutwhathewouldlooklikenaked,nothinggoodcould
comeoutofbeingwithhim.

CHAPTERTHREE

NATHANLOOKEDOVERHISshoulderattheexoticravenhairedbeautyintightblackjeansandcome
fuckmebootsasshewalkedtothebathroom.Herlonghairwaspulledbackinaninnocenthighponytail,
with very little makeup on her face fresh. There was something about her that seemed familiar, he just
couldn’tputhisfingeronit.Itwasn’tpossiblethatheknewher.Shewasnothinglikehisusualflavour.
EvenAlecia,whowastheclassiestofhisregularscouldn’tcompare.

“Givemefive...”hedirectedhisinstructionstoMalcolm,beforelookingbackoverhisshoulderagain

atherretreatingfigure.

Histoplipliftedupinatwistedsmileandlickedhislips.Herconservativeknitblousedidverylittle

todisguisethefactshehadagreatrack.Helovednothingmorethanachickwithagreatsetoftits.

MalcolmlaughedashecametostandbehindNathan.“Man,she’sgotfirethatone.Callmeifyou’re

upforathreeway.Thequietonesalwaysscreamthemost.”

NathanslappedMalcolmontheback,withalittlemoreforcethannecessary.“Don’twaitformycall.

Thisone’sallmine.”

NormallyNathanwouldbeupforathreewayaction,infactAleciahadjustofferedalittlethreesome

actionoutinthecarparkwithhisbestfriendMalcolm.Buthe’dsentherpacking.He’dhadhiseyeonthis
girlwhenhefirstwalkedinthedoor.Andtonight,hewantedtoridesolo.

Following after the girl, he leaned on the wall and waited for her to emerge from the bathroom.

Draininghisglassofbourbon,hethoughtaboutallthethingshewasgoingtodotoher.Shelookedlike
the Fifty Shades of Grey type. Little miss innocent, ready for the taking. Chicks digged that shit. Well,
accordingtohissisteranyway.Thechicksheknewhadalreadybeenaroundtheblockafewtimes.

Thebathroomdooropenedandhisbeautysteppedout,hereyesdowncast,wipingherdamphandson

thathottightassofhers.Pushinghimselfoffthewallhestoodinherway,blockingherpath.Shedidn’t
noticehimuntilsheliterallywalkedrightintohim.Heputhisarmsaroundhertostopherfromfalling
back.Alookofexcitementandfearflickeredacrossherfeaturesasitdawnedonheritwashimholding
her.

“Whatare...whatareyoudoing?”Shestuttered.

Fuck she smelt good. He could almost taste her on his tongue. “I’ve decided I’m going to be your

knightinfuckingshiningarmourandtakeyouhome.Whatdoyousayprincess?”

Hereyesnarrowed.“Icantellyouonething.Ihatebeingcalledprincess.Andasfortheotheroffer.

Nothanks.Icangetmyselfhome.”

Hetightenedhisgriponher,andpulledhercloser,pressinghiscockagainsther.“Justsoyouknow,

thatwasn’tanoffer.You’regoingtolovewhatIhaveinstoreforyoutonight,princess.”

CHAPTERFOUR

HETOOKMEBYmyarmandmarchedmeoutanunlockedemergencysideexit.Itallhappenedquickly,
IwaspositivenooneinthebarbesidesthoseinNathan’sgroupevenwitnessedhimdraggingmefromthe
bar. Not that anyone in there would have been looking for me anyway. The only person aware of my
presenceinthebarwasCandy,andasfarasshewasconcerned,IhadtoldherIwasgoinghome.Andno
oneelseknewIwashere,notevenmybestfriendAdam.Greatideaof‘movingon’Nina.Lookwhere
youarenow.

Inalastditchattempttoseekouthelpfromanyoneinthebar,ItwistedaroundinNathan’sgripbefore

the emergency door closed behind me to see if anyone was watching us. But Nathan’s hounds had
managedtoformawallbetweenusandtherestofthebar.Justasthedoorshut,Icaughtthefinallookon
the face of Nathan’s goon. Words weren’t needed to tell me what he was thinking. My stomach flipped
withapprehension.Fuck.Iwasreallyintrouble.

Nathan’sgriponmyarmremainedfirmashedraggedmeacrosstheunlitparkinglot,throughagapof

parkedcarsandtowardagroupofparkedHarley’s.Wewerestillobscuredbyparkedcarsandnottoofar
awayfromthebarhewhenspunmetoastopandshovedmeagainstaparkedcar,pinningmetothedoor.
“AreyougoingtorunifIletyougo?”

Ishookmyhead,refusingtolookweak.“No.”

“Areyouafraid?”heasked.Hiseyesdancedwithexcitement,intensifyingmyfear.

AgainIshookmyhead,eventhoughIwassonervousitfeltlikemytenWhiskySourswereaboutto

revealthemselvesalloverhisshoes.“Whatareyougoingtodotome?Areyougoingtorapeme?”

Helaughed.“Ofcoursenot.Idon’trapewomen.”

“Well,whydidyoudragmeouthere?”

Hiseyeslingeredonmylips.“Princess,Iplanonfuckingyou,don’tthinkthatisn’tgoingtohappen.

Butitwon’tberape.IknowyouwanttofuckmeasmuchasIwantyou.Youdidn’texactlyputupafight
backthere.”

Oh lord baby Jesus. He was right. I swallowed hard, my panties instantly moist. “And why do you

wanttofuckme?Isawhalfadozengirlsintheretonightthatwouldhavegladlycomeoutherewithyou.
Whyme?”

“Becauseyou’resofuckinghot.”

Iwaslostforwords.“Oh…”

Leaninginagainstmehesmashedhislipsagainstmine,devouringme.PerhapsitwasallthealcoholI

hadconsumed,perhapsnot,butIreachedupandgrabbedatthebackofhishairandkissedhimback,just
ashard.Hishanddippedinsidemyjeans,slidinsidemypanties,andheenteredmewithafinger.

Grippinghisshouldersforsupport,Ibitintohisfulllowerlipasmylegswentweakattheknees.I

opened my legs a little a wider, allowing his hand more room for movement. There was no need for a
secondinvitation.Hishandmovedfasterashisfingerfuckedmewhilehisotherhandgotbusypullingup

mytopandpoppingmybreastfreeofmybra.Pullinghismouthawayfromminehestartedsuckingonmy
nipple,rollingthetightbudbetweenhisteeth.

Electric currents zinged through my body. It’d been so long since I had been touched like this, with

such intensity and passion. Then I remembered Mike, and how I wasn’t ready to move on just yet.
RegretfullyIpushedNathanback.

“Mmmm,stop.Ican’tdothisrightnow.”

Helookedatme,butkepthishanddownmypants,andrubbedmyclitwithhiswetfinger.“Youreally

wantmetostop?”

Ishookmyhead.“Yes,no,oh...”Mynailsdugintohisshoulderasashudderrippledthroughmybody.

“Why do you want me to stop?” He pressed harder against my sensitive nub, moving his finger in a

circularmotion.

ShuttingmyeyesIlethimcontinueasthestartofanorgasmbegantobuild.“Ohgod...it’scomplicated.

Ohmygod,I’mabouttocome.”

HetookmybreastbackinhismouthasIclimaxed,andkeptmepinnedupagainstthecarforsupport.

Once my final shudder finished rolling through my body, I opened my eyes and looked at him. He
withdrewhishandandsuckedthefingerthathadbeenfuckingme.

“Whydidyoudothat?”Iaskedhim.

“What?Suckyourjuicesoffmyfinger,orfingerfuckyou?”

Howwasitthathesoundedsosexywhenhewasbeingsocrude.“Takemeouthereanddowhatyou

justdid.AfterIhityou,Igotthefeelingyouweregoingtohurtme,orworse.”

“Princess,I’mnotgoingtohurtyou.Thatslapofyoursonlyturnedmeonevenmore.”Hereachedhis

handdownandunzippedhispants,releasinghisharderectpenis.“Now,it’smyturn.”

“What?”Myvoicebroke.AseagerasIwastoseehiscock,I’dneveroncegivenMikeaheadjob.

Anyoneforthatmatter.“We’reinacarpark.”

“Shooterscarparkhasseenmuchworseprincess.Get.On.Your.Knees.”

Hiscommandturnedmeonevenmore.Ididasheasked.Ohmygod.Hedidn’tdisappoint.Hewas

huge.

Hegrabbedatthebaseofhiscock,andgaveitalongstrokemoaningashishandpulledonhisflesh.

“Fuck.I’msohardsoforyou.AssoonasIsawyoutonight,IknewIhadtohaveyou.Ihavesomebig
planstonightforyouprincess,butIcan’twaituntillater.Thisisjustataster.Putthatpoutylittlemouthof
yourstouseandsuckmedry.”

“I...I...”Mywordswouldn’tcomeout.Hewastoobig.Icouldn’t.Mikewasalmosthalfhissize.“I’ve

never…”

Heinterruptedme,soundingshocked.“I’myourfirst?Fuck.You’reavirgin?”

I shook my head looking up at him. “No. It’s just I’ve just never given a head job before. And your

cock,Imeanitisn’texactlysmall.”

He laughed slightly, and enveloped my hand, helping me to stroke his penis. “Well, now isn’t that a

compliment.IpromiseI’lltakeiteasyonyou...thistime.”

Iprayedhedid.Icouldimaginetheamountofpainthesizeofthatcockbeingrammeddownmythroat

would inflict. I might even need a tracheotomy and a stoma after the damage it would cause. Lightly I
wrapped my fingers around the base of his penis and placed my lips softly against his swollen knob,
barelytouchinghisskinwithmymouth.Henudgedthetipofhiscockharderagainstmylipsandmoved
thesmoothendofhisknobaroundmylipsinacircularmotionlikeitwasstrawberryflavouredlipgloss.

“Openup,”hedemanded,andwhilehistenordrippedwithauthority,Icouldhearaslightlysoftnessto

hiscommand.

Despitemyfearofthepainhecouldinflictonme,alittlethrillranthroughmeasIpartedmylipsand

tookthetipofhiminmymouth.ReachingupIgrabbedatthebaseofhiscockandsqueezedhisshaft.

Automaticallyhisfingersdugintomyshoulder,andmoanedloudly.“That’sitprincess.You’redoing

great.Nowdeeper.”

Istoppedmovingandlookedupathimwithhiscockstillinmymouth.Oureyeslocked.

“Open wider,” he growled as he slowly pushed his hips forward, sliding his cock deeper into my

mouth,untilitpushedupagainstthebackofmythroat.

Ignoringmygagreflex,Isheathedmyteethandclampedmylipsdownonhishardflesh.Isuckeduntil

mycheekswereconcavethenslowlypulledmyheadback,justfarenoughuntiltheridgeofhisknobwas
abouttopopfree,thentookhimbackintomymouth,increasingmytempobutneverlosingsuction.What
fleshofhisIcouldn’tfitinmymouth,Iusedmyhandtopulltheskinbackandforthwiththetimingofmy
headmovements.

Our eyes remained locked the entire time. I sucked him hard, and he fucked my mouth. I was

determinedtomakehimcome--togivehimthebestfuckingblowjobhehadeverreceived.

Afteracoupleofminutesofsucking,mykneesstartedtoacheasthehardsurfaceoftheparkinglotdug

throughmyjeans.Nottomentionthepaininmycheeksfromsucking.ButIcouldn’tstop.Softmoanshad
beguntoescapehislipswhileIcontinuedtotakehimdeeperintomymouthandthroat.Iwascloseto
bringing him to climax. I sucked harder still. Pre cum spilled from the end of his cock sliding over my
tongue.Timetofinishthejob.Imaynothaveactuallyevergivenablowjobbefore,butAdamhadtoldme
enough about them. And once I’d stumbled onto Mike’s porn site history on his phone--lets just say I
couldn’thelpmyselfbuttowatch.

Igrazedmyteethgentlyalonghisshaftandpulledhimallthewayout.Keepingafirmholdofhiscock

tight with one hand and clenching the top of his thigh with my other, I swirled my tongue around the
undersideofhisthickridgeandflickedthetipofmytongueupanddowninquicksuccessionthroughthe
slitontheendofhiscock,lappinguptheglisteningpearlsofprecum,sendinglittleshiversthroughhis
body.

“Stop,”hemoaned,deepandguttural,andgrabbedthebackofmyhead,pullingmyponytailfreeofits

elasticband.MylongblackhaircascadeddownmybackasItookhimbackinmymouth.Hewoundhis
fingersintomyhairandreefedmyheadback,pullinghard.Thepainforcedmetowhimperslightly.

“Isaidstop,”hegrowled.“Nowopenyourmouthandtakeyourhandoffmycock.”

I did as he asked and took hold onto both his thighs to steady my position. Holding my head by the

backofmyhair,hegrabbedatthebaseofhiscock,andpulledonithardandfastseveraltimesuntilhe

finallysquirtedhishotseedintomymouth.

“Makesureyouswallowitall,”hecommandedashecontinuedtomilkhispenisofeverylastdrop

intomymouth.

Ignoringtheurgetodryretchashisseedsliddownmythroat,Iswallowedeverythingheshotintome,

simplywipingmymouthwiththebackofmyhandwhenhewasfinished,neveroncebreakingeyecontact.
Stillkneelinginfrontofhim,Iwatchedasheputhissofteningcockbackintohisjeansandbuttonedup
hisfly.Hiscockwasstillhugeevenwhennoterect,andIhadtoadmitit,oneofthebestlookingIhad
everseen.Althoughthereweren’tthatmanyIcouldcompareittoo.I’donlyeverbeenwiththreeguys.
MyfirstwasmybestfriendAdamwhenwewerefifteen,whoimmediatelyaftertoldmehewasgay--that
hewas‘justtestingatheory’.Greatfortheconfidence.Then,afewyearslaterIhadanalcoholfuelled
one night stand with some guy I met at a bar whom I can barely remember, and finally Michael. But
lookingatNathan’sthickcircumcisedcock,IhadtowonderwhatIhadbeenmissingouton.Mikewasso
smallincomparison.

AlittlethrillranthroughmeatthethoughtofwhatNathan’shardcockwouldfeelburiedinsideofme.

Myclittingledatthethought.

Hesmirkedatmeasheadjustedhimself.“Didyouenjoythatprincess?Thelookonyourfacetellsme

youdid.”

His arrogance fired me up. I saw red. All sexual attraction and thoughts of him vanished. My eyes

flickedfromhiscocktohisface.Notwaitingforhispermission,Istoodandglaredathim.“Arewedone
hereasshole?”Hissaltytastewasstillonmylips.

Catchingmeoffguardhemovedquickly,pushingmebackagainstthecar.Therewasnotimetofight

back.Likeasnakestrikingitsvictim,hegrabbedmyfaceinhishandsandbroughthismouthdownhard
onmine.HekissedmeinawayIhadneverbeenkissedbefore.Hewashungry,likeananimal.Myknees
buckledashesuckedandbitatmylips,histonguedartinginandoutofmymouth.Heliterallykissedmy
breathawayandmademyheartratespikeandmyclitscreamtobetouched.Hisroughbeardscratched
againstmyfaceasIkissedhimbackjustasfierce.Iwasbreathless,hungryformore.

Ipulledbackandlookedathim,bothofuspanting.WhatthefuckwasIdoing?WasIreallydoing

this?

Behindusthesoundofthebar’smusicbrieflyechoedacrosstheparkinglot,breakingthesilence.

“What’syournameprincess?”

“NinaFarrow.”

“Well,NinaFarrow,”hesaidreachingaroundmeforthecar’sdoorhandle.“Toansweryourquestion,

wearefarfromdonehere.”

CHAPTERFIVE

“NINA.”NATHANWHISPEREDINmyear,hisvoicesoftandsurprisinglytender.Adullthrobpulsated
inmyhead.Itstartedinthemiddleandreverberatedtotheedges.But,asmuchasmyheadwaspounding,
itdidn’tescapemethatitwasonlythesecondtimehehadspokenname.

Hislargehandcuppedmycheek.“It’stimetowakeup.”

The fog in my head slowly cleared allowing my senses to detect changes in my surrounds before I

openedmyeyes.Wewerenolongerinthecar,thatIcouldtellimmediately,andthesoftleatherhideof
thecarseathadbeenreplacedbyamattress.

OpeningmyeyesIwasgreetedbyhisconcernedgaze,hisfacejustinchesfrommine.Theroomwas

bathedinasoftyellowlight,illuminatedbyasinglevanillascentedcandlethatflickeredonthetablenext
tothebedIwaslyingon.Theshadowscastbythecandlelightbathedinhiminawarmglow,highlighting
hisfeatures.Hisfacewasnearperfect,exceptforabrokennosebumpandafivecentimetrescaronthe
right hand side of face, located just below his hairline. It still looked fresh, red and angry. The same
familiarsensationIfeltearlierinthebarwashedoverme.Iknewhim.Fuck.Ifonlymyheadhadn’tbeen
poundingsohard,Imighthavebeenabletorememberwherefrom.

Moaning,Irubbedataspotonthetempleofmyheadandtriedtositup,butwasonlypushedback

downbyhim.

“Whathappened?”Iaskedhim.“LastthingIrememberissittinginyourcar,andwewerespeeding

downthehighway.”

Helightlytrailedthebackofhisfingersalongmyarm,sendinggoosebumpsripplingacrossmyflesh.

“Youpassedoutinthecar.”

I shivered and a cold breeze blew across my semi naked body. At some point in time, between me

passingoutinthecarandawakingonthebed,hehadremovedmostofmyclothes,leavingmeexposedin
myblacklaceunderwear.FullyalertIsatupagain,quickly,tryingtocovermyselfwithmyhands.

Bloodrushedtomyhead,andtheroomspun.“Youtookmyclothesoff?”

He shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “I wanted you to be comfortable.” He put his hands on my

shoulders.“Now,youneedtoliedownandletmetakecareofyou.Youlooklikeyou’reabouttopassout
again.”

Regardlessofmyargument,Ilethimpushmebackdown.Ihatedtobetoldwhattodo,especiallyby

anegotisticalasshole,buttobehonestitfeltbettertobelyingprone.Myhandssearchedthebedforatop
sheetthatwouldcovermysemi-nakedbodyandcameupempty.“Andhowdoyouproposetotakecareof
me?”

Hedidn’tanswermestraightaway.Insteadheplacedahandonmyrightfoot,andtrailedhisfingers

upthelengthofmyinnerthigh,hisnailsrakingalongmyskin.“Ithoughtthatwouldhavebeenobvious.”
Hisfingersreachedtheendoftheirpath,atthetopofmythigh.Ishiveredinvoluntarily,theanticipation
causingmystomachtobefilledwithnerves.Histouchnowfeathersoftasheskirtedhishandbetweenmy
legsandoverthethinmaterialofmypanties,beforecontinuingtomovehishandslowlyupmystomach

untilhereachedmyrightbreastandcuppeditinhishand.Hebreathedsoftlyinmyear.“Natural.You’ve
mademynightprincess.”

I slapped his hand away, not altogether comfortable with this kind of admiration. Undeterred, he

clutchedbothmyhandsinhisandpinnedthemtogetherabovemyhead.Hislipsbrushedagainstthebase
of my neck before kissing his mouth up and down my neck and along my clavicle. Keeping my hands
pinned with one of his, he used the other to pop my breast free of its material prison, then latched his
mouthontomynipple.Flickingmytautbudwithhistonguehesuckeditbackhard.Shuttingmyeyes,Ibit
my lip as I held back a moan. The man knew how to use his mouth, I’d give him that much. Knees
squeezedmetightashestraddledme.Withhismouthstillonmybreast,hetookmyhardenednippleinhis
teethandbitlightly.Icriedoutinshock,atboththepainandpleasure.Mybodybetrayingmeinfavourof
thepleasure.

Adjustinghispositionandswappinghands,hecontinuedtoteasemynipplewithhistongueandteeth,

andthenfreedmyotherbreast,pinchingitinunisonwithhisteethbitingontheother.Unabletocontain
myself,Iletoutalongmoanandpushedmychestintohim,eagerformore.ItfeltlikeI’dbeenalonefor
solong,despitebeinginarelationship.Ihadn’trealisedituntilthisverymoment.Maybebeingwithhim
wastheperfectrecipetomoveon.

“You’relovingthisaren’tyou?”heaskedasIletoutanothermoan.Iachedtobefuckedbyhim,butI

wasn’tabouttogivehimthesatisfactionofknowingtheeffecthewashavingonme,despitemyrecent
epiphanyofmovingon.

“Fuckyou.”Ispatathim,andclenchedmyteeth,holdingbackanothermoanasmybodygavealittle

shudder.Whywasmybodybetrayingmelikethis?Idon’tlikenotbeingincontrol.

“Yourmouthsaysonething,butyourbodyanother.Icansmellyourjuices.You’reripeforfucking.”

Helaughed,releasedhisgriponme,andclimbedoffme.

“Whydoyoufindthatfunny?”Iproppedmyselfuponmyelbowsandwatchedhimashestartedto

undresshimself.Myheartracedseeinghimnaked.Hewasmouthwatering.

“Takeyourbraoff.Iwanttoseeyounaked.”AsIunclippedmybraandletitfalltothefloor,heknelt

ontheedgeofthebed,hookedhisthumbsinmypantiesandpulledthemdown,throwingthemacrossthe
room.Takingholdofmyankleshepushedmylegsopenandinhaled.“You’regorgeous.Hasanyoneever
toldyouthatbefore?”

“Beforetoday?No.”Mybreathscameinshortsharpbursts.

Heslidhishandsupmylegsandgrippedmythighs,histhumbsdiggingintomysoftflesh.Mystomach

insidesflippedoverandoverwithnerves.

“I’mnervousNathan.WhatifIsaidno,wouldyouforcemetofuckyou?”

“I’vetoldyou.Idon’trapeorhurtwomenNina,that’snotmystyle.Idon’thaveto.Ifyouonlyknew

theamountofpussyIhadthrownatmeeverynight.AndI’mnotsayingthattobecocky.ButwhatIdolike
ismypussytobeg...BegmetofuckyouNina.Idareyou.”Hemovedbetweenmythighs,hisbreathwas
hotonmyopeningashespoke.

“I’llneverbeg.”

“Don’tbesosureaboutthat,”werethelastwordshemutteredbeforehismouthconsumedme.Pushing

my pussy lips apart with his thumbs, his tongue hit me, licking up my open slit, lapping up my juices.

Pullingbackthehoodofmyclit,heflickedtheendofhismoisttonguerepeatedlyovermysensitivebud,
electrical currents shooting down my legs. Immediately my hips responded to his touch and bucked
involuntarily as pressure built behind my clit. The overwhelming sensation both torture and bliss. I
wantedhimtostop,butgladhedidn’t.Itwasalmosttoomuch.Almost...

Lavishinghiswayupmyslitagainwiththeflatofhistonguehecompletedthejourneyandclamped

his mouth on my swollen clit, sucking it hard. My hips bucked again and I moaned, unable to contain
myselfanylonger.MypussythrobbedasIcameunderhistongue,thevoidbetweenmylegsnowpulsating
andbeggingtobefilled.

Hepulledawayfrommeandteasedmemidshudder,dartinginhistongueinandoutofmywetvoid.

“AskmeNina,”hemuttered,asheflickedmyclitoncemorewithhistongue,almostbringingmeto

orgasmonceagain.“Sayit.”

Imoanedagainandpushedmyhipsintomouth.Icouldn’tstanditanylonger.“FuckmeNathan.Ohmy

god,fuckmenow.”

He didn’t wait. As soon as his mouth left my pussy, he mounted me. His rock hard cock pressed

momentarilyagainstmyopeningbeforeheslammedhimselfhome,fillingmetomycore,almostsplitting
meinhalf.Movinghiships,hethrustinandout,harderandfasterwitheachthrust.Theintensepainat
beingtornapartbyhismassivecockgavewaytoanearthshatteringorgasm.Iscreamedwithecstasy.

Spurredon,hecontinuedtopumpintome,aswaveafterdeliciouswaverolledthroughme.Justasone

orgasmended,anotherbeganbuilding.Heatfloodedbetweenmylegs.Hishandsgrippedmyhips,tilting
them,changingourpositioneversoslightly,andhepushedindeeperthanhedidbefore.Mybackarched
andImoanedashiscockrubbedagainstmyg-spot.Histempoincreased.Thesoundsofoursexslapping
againsteachotheronlyjustaudibleoverourgrunts.Ifhehadn’tbeengrippingmyhipssotight,hewould
havefuckedmerightintothefloor.

“ComeonNina.Comeformeagain.Onemore,”hegruntedashethrust,mybreastsbouncingwiththe

intensity.“Letgoofyourself.”

Wrappingmyarmsandlegsaroundhim,Igrippedontight.Hefuckedmehardandfast,andIfucked

him back, grinding up as he thrust his cock in. It was enough to push me over the edge, and we came
togetherinagiantexplosion.Mynailsdiggingintohisback.

Hekeptpumpingintomeuntilhewasempty,andhefellontopofme,hisgiantbodyslickfromsweat

andhischestheavingwithexertion.

CHAPTERSIX

DRAINED,EXHAUSTEDANDSOREallover,Ifellasleepalmostimmediately,notwakinguntillater
thatmorningwhenasliverofsunlightstreamedacrossmyface.Thebrightnessarudeintrusion.Itriedto
roll over, only I couldn’t move. Nathan was asleep behind me. His large tattooed arms encased me,
trappingmeinhisembrace.Ournakedandexposedskinpressedupagainsteachother.

Incomparisontohissexnoiseslastnight,thesoundofhisbreathinginmyearwasalmostpeacefuland

cathartic. Every intimate part of me throbbed as I thought of the hammering he’d given me. I had never
beenfuckedlikethat...andIhadlovedit.Howwasitpossibletoexperiencethatkindoforgasm,notonce
in the same night, but twice. The very thought of his cock inside of me made me wet for him, wanting
more. But I couldn’t let it happen again. This overwhelming sexual desire couldn’t continue. I was the
first Junior Doctor at my hospital to be given a residency without completing my internship. I had a
serious career, it was my legacy to my father. It wasn’t appropriate of me to want to be fucked by this
beastofaman,comingoverandoveragain.

Ihadtoleave,whilehewasasleep.Now.Afterall,whoknewwhatheplannedformetoday.More

fucking...oh my lord. My body tingled in anticipation remembering the sex, remembering how he felt
insideofme.NoIcouldn’tstay.Itwasdangeroushere.HemademefeelthingsthatIhadneverdreamtof
feeling before. Slowly I moved from out beneath his arms, inch by inch, until his biceps flexed and his
breathingpatternchanged.

“Wheredoyouthinkyouaregoinglittleprincess?I’mnotquitedonewithyouyet.”

Mybodystiffened.Ihatedhimcallingmethat,withapassion.ItwasbelittlingtoeverythingIhadever

achieved.Itriedtoturninhisarmsbutheclampedhishandsonmywristsandheldmetightagainsthim.

Helaughedinmyear.“Watchthosehandsprincess.Youdon’twantthemtiedupdoyou?Hmmm,now

thatI’vesaidit,Imightjusthavetodoit.”

Goose bumps broke out across my skin. My overactive mind pictured what it would be like. “You

wanttotiemeup?”Myvoicebarelyawhisper.

“Hmm,itisapossibility.”Hemused.“Iguessthatreallydepends.”

“Onwhat?”

“Onhowmuchyoucanpleaseme.”

“Haven’t I pleased you enough?” God knows he made me come more times last night than I could

remember.Wasitevenpossible,thattherewasmoretowhatIexperienced?Maybeheplannedtokeep
mehereindefinitelyashissexslave.

“Youhaven’tpleasedmenearlyenoughprincess.”Hegrowledinmyear.“I’msureyoucandobetter.”

“IhavetogohomeNathan.Ican’tstayhere.”

“Wellthen,lookslikeyouhavetoworkquicklythen.”

“IfIpleaseyou,willyouthenletmegohome.”

“Ofcourse.”Lettinggoofoneofmywrists,hepushedmyhairoffmyshoulder,exposingmyneckand

usinghisteeth,nippedhiswaydownandalongmyshoulder,sendingshiversthroughmybody.“That’sif
youwanttoleave.”

“I will.” Although staying here as his sex slave wasn’t such a bad option. No, I couldn’t. I had to

leave.Irubbedmyasscheeksupagainsthismorningerection.Butonelasttimewouldn’thurt.“Wellthen.
Whatareyouwaitingfor?Let’sgetthisoveranddonewith.”

Hegroanedlongingly.Reachingaroundmehegrabbedmythighandopenedmylegs,runninghishand

throughmyslit.

“Fuck Nina. You’re so wet.” His teeth bit into my neck as he positioned his swollen knob at the

entrancetomywetpussyandenteredme,hishardcockslidingeffortlesslyin.Heletoutalonghissand
shudderedashiscockslidindeepuntilhewasatthehilt.“Ah,yourpussyissotight.Justsoyouknow,
I’mgoingtofuckyouallday.”

Glancingbackovermyshoulder,Irockedmyhipsbackandforth,slidinghiscockinandout.“Why

limityourselftojusttheday?Isthatallyougot?Icouldgoalldayandallnight.”Ifitwaspleasurehe
wanted,thenIwasgoingtogiveittohim.I’dfuckhimuntilwewereredandsore.

“You’re going to regret that smart comment. Best you remember your place. And that’s under me.”

Placingahandonmyhipandentwiningtheotherinmyhair,hepushedmyfaceintothepillowandrolled
usfromoursidesoverontoourknees,thentookmefrombehind.Withmyfaceonthepillowandmyass
intheair,hekneltbehindme.Heshowednomercy,grabbingmyhipsandslidingmeupanddownhis
cockashepummelledintomerepeatedly,hishipsslappingagainstmyasscheeks.

“Scream for me,” he commanded, as he reached around and rubbed his thumb against the hard

sensitivenubbetweenmylegs.“Iwanttohearyouscreammyname.”

Instantaneouslymybodywashitwithabrainexplodingorgasm.Isawstarsasmybackarchedandmy

kneesgaveway.Hewasunrelenting.Hisfingerswithonehanddugintomyhipsasheheldmyassup,and
theotheronmyclit,allthewhilehecontinuedtothrusthardintomeuntilhetoocame,bothofusfinishing
togetherlikethecrescendoofasymphonyorchestra.

CHAPTERSEVEN

WECOLLAPSED,EXHAUSTEDANDsated.Hisarmsonceagainenvelopedmeinanembrace.Atotal
contradiction of the man I thought he was. The man he wanted me to see. We must have fallen back to
sleeplikethis.Strangereally,asIhadneverfeltcomfortablegoingtosleepnakedwithanyonenexttome,
letaloneafterhavingsex.NotevenMichael.ThefirstthingIusuallydidafterhavingsexwithMichael
wasgowashmyselfandgetdressed.

Afteradeepdreamlesssleep,Iawokesometimelatertohiscockinsideofme,movingslowly,inand

out.AlthoughIwastooexhaustedtoevenopenmyeyes,Itiltedmyhipsbackandpushedmyassintohim,
lettinghimknowIwasawakeandmorethanhappytohavehimfuckme.Hegroanedwithpleasureasmy
movement allowed him to get deeper inside of me. Gripping down on my hips, he increased his thrust
tempo.Itdidn’ttakelongforusbothtocomeagain,mefirstandhimjoiningmealmostimmediately.Ifeel
asleeponceagaintothedelicioussensationofhiscockjerkingandcominginsideofme.

WhenIfinallyawokemuchlater,Ifoundmyselfalone,withanextremelysorevagina,inanemptybed.

Istillhadnoideaofthetime,butthesunlighthadmovedandwasnolongerstreamingthroughthegapin
thedrapes.Asheethadbeendrapedlightlyovermybodytocovermynakedness.Beingaloneinhisbed
wasasuresignitwastimetogohome.Atingeofdisappointmentrolledthroughmeatthethoughtofnot
seeing him again. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. In less that twenty-four hours this guy had
mademefeeleverythingthatMikehadn’t.Howthatwaspossible,Ididn’tknow.

RollingoverinbedIwassurprisedtodiscoverhim,sittinginachairnearthebedwatchingme,still

naked.Mydisappointmentsubsided,replacedbyalongingtobewrappedaroundhisbody.Smiling,Isat
up,clutchingthesheettomybreasts.“Creepymuch?WatchingmewhileIsleep?”

Deeplinesinhisforeheadformedasfrownedatme.Againmyeyesweredrawntohisscar,andthat

same familiar sensation rolled through me. Strangely, I found myself wondering why he looked so
perplexed.Butevenmorestrange,Ifoundmyselfwantingtostaywithhim.Thiswasn’tlikeme.Ididn’t
fallforrandomguys,andnotaonenightstand.

Mostpeople,myselfincluded,lookedlikecrapinthemorning.Especiallyafteranightofdrinkingand

debauchery. Not Nathan. He was gorgeous, even with the scowl on his face. In fact, last night, I had
grosslyunderestimatedhislooksandhisbody.Hisdarktousledbrownhairwasloosehangingjustbelow
his shoulders, and his skin a natural light tan. His body was perfection, with almost zero fat. Massive
bicepscoveredinfullcoloredtattoosleeves,tattooedinJapaneseyakuzastyle,withhisrockhardchest
andsixpackalsodisplayingsimilarartwork.NowIcouldfullyunderstandandappreciatehiscomment
aboutwomenthrowingthemselvesathim.Hestood,revealingthickthighsalsocoveredinartwork.And
hehadthatamazingVmuscleonhiships.Mymouthwatered.Hewaspureperfection.

Walkingtowardme,hisscowlremainedinplace.Mypulsequickened.

“Ineedtousethebathroom.”Iblurtedoutbeforehecouldactonanyimpulsesthatwerecausinghim

tolookperplexed.Itwastruethough.Mybladderwasbursting,andafterallthesexwehadhad,itwas
probablyagoodideatowashdownstairsaswell.Ididn’tevenwanttothinkaboutanSTD,considering
allthesexwe’dhadwasunprotected.“Andashower.”

Hisscowlremained.“You’rebeingabitdemandingthismorningaren’tyou?”

Ijoinedhimwherehestood,takingthesheetwithmetokeepmybodycovered,andeyeballedhim.

“Wellunlessyouwantmetowetthebed.”

“Prettysurethesheetsarealreadywet.”Finallyhisscowlliftasheflickedhisheadtowardthedoor.

“Followme.Butifyouintendonshowering,don’tthinkyou’redoingitalone.”

Weshoweredtogether,takingturnswashingeachother,beforehedroppedtohiskneesand,onceagain

usedhismouthtopleasuremeuntilmylegsandbrainturnedtojelly.Afterwefinished,wedriedeach
other.Himtakingcaretodrybetweenmyachinglegs,thenledmetohiskitchenandmademesomething
toeat.

Hishousewassparselydecorated.Itwasn’thomelybyanymeans.Therewerenofamilyphotoson

walls,orsignsofcreaturecomforts.Itwassterileandemotionless.ExactlylikethefacadeNathanwanted
peopletobelieve.Therewasmoretothisguythanhard-coresexandstonecoldemotions.

Wesatwrappedintowelsatthekitchentable.Mylongknottedwethairhungdownmyback.

“Nina,tellmesomething,”hesaidwhileIatethebaconhehadjustfriedforme.“Yourex-boyfriend?

Yousaidhecheatedonyou,withsomeofthegirlsthathangoutatShooters.”

Inoddedandtookamouthfulofjuice.Surprisedthatheremembered.

Thedeepfrownlineshadreturned.Absentmindedly,hereachedupandtouchedhisscar.“Whycome

to the bar looking for him? Did you honestly think that whatever thoughts you had going on inside your
headwouldactuallywork?It’sShooters.Didyoueventhinkhowdangerousitwouldbe?”

Iswallowedmyjuice.“No.Iwasn’tthinkingatall.IthoughtifIsawhimIcouldmoveonandrestart

mylife.Upuntilthismorning,Iwasn’treadytomoveon.You’vehelpedmerealisethat.”

“GladIcouldhelp.”Hesmiledahalfsmile.“Washetherelastnight?”

Ishookmyhead.“No.Youdraggedmeoutbeforehearrived.”

This time he smiled and his whole face lit up. My heart skipped a beat. “You deserved that and

everythingelseyougotgiven.Youcan’twalkpasttheownerofShooters,shakeyourass,thenslaphim
acrosstheface.”

Myeyebrowsdisappearedintomyhairline.“YouownShooters?Ithoughtyouwereinabikergang.”

Heshookhishead.“Thatwasmyoldman’slife,notmine.Shootersisafamilybar.Iinheritedit,and

thishouseaftermyoldmandiedacoupleofyearsago.ButI’mthinkingit’stimetosellupandmoveon.I
want something different for my life. I don’t want to have to look over my shoulder every day in case
someonewantsretributionforanargumentIhadnopartof.”Hetouchedhisscaragain.

“How’dyougetit?Yourscar?”

“Barfight.BottletotheheadresultinginfivestitchesandanightinER,withsevereconcussionand

bleedingonthebrain.”

Igaspedandpalmslappedmyforehead.“Irememberyounow!It’sbeenkillingmesincelastnight.I

stitchedyouupandwaitedwithyouforyourMRIresults.Itwasaprettybadconcussionallright.Itwas
aboutamonthago.That’swhyIdidn’trememberyoustraightaway.ItwasthesamenightafterIfoundout
Mikewascheatingonmeandkickedhimout.”

“Well fuck me. I thought I knew you from somewhere too. You were my doctor. The night I was

broughtin,yousatwithmeallnightandheldmyhand.Youdidn’thavetodothat.”

Ishrugged,likeitwasnobigdeal,eventhoughthememoriesofthatnightnowcamefloodingback.

“You had no one. I knew what it felt like. You wouldn’t know this, but you helped me get through that
night.”

Hetookmyhandinhis.“Yougotmethroughthatnighttoo.Thisdouchebag,Mike?Youwantmeto

havehimfuckedover?”

Myeyesbuggedoutofhead.“Youwoulddothat?”

Hiseyeszeroedinonme.“Yes.”

“How?”

“Iknowpeople.Peoplethatowemealotoffavours.”

Ifrownedathim.“Butwhy?Whywouldyoudothatforme?Youowemenothing.”

“Because,princess,youareminenow.Youbelongtome.”

Anger flared inside of me and I stood quickly, my towel dropping to the floor. And despite how

attractedIfelttowardhim,IwastoopissedtocareabouthowexposedIfeltinthisexactmoment.“Fuck
you.Ibelongtonoone.Mike...”

“FuckMike.I’msickofhearingaboutthatcunt.”Sweepinghisarmacrossthetabletop,heknockedall

thecontentsontothefloorandrushedaroundthetabletome,throwingmeonmybackpinningmeonto
thetabletop.Heleanedoverme,hiseyesdrillingforthetruth.“Tellmeyoudidn’tenjoyanyoflastnight
andthismorning.TellmethatwhenImadeyoucomeover,andoveragain,thatyouwerethinkingofhim
whenyouscreamedmyname.Tellmeyoudon’tfeelanythingformerightnow.Tellme,andyoucango
homeandwillneverhearfrommeagain.”

Iopenedmymouth.IwantedtotellhimIhatedeveryminuteofbeingwithhim.Thatfuckinghimwas

theworseexperienceofmylife.ThatMichaelhadbeenthepersonIhadbeenthinkingofwhenIreached
heightsIhadneverreachedbefore.IwantedtotellhimhowmuchIhatedhim,andhowIwantedtoleave
andneverseehimagain.IwantedtotellhimIdidn’tfeelanyconnectionwithhim…butIcouldn’t.None
ofitwastrue.

“Nathan,” I whispered as my voice caught in my throat. I reached up and ran my fingers through his

tousledhair,thencuppedhisfaceandkissedhim.Nothardlikeourfirstkissintheparkinglot,butsoft.
Hekissedmeback,ourlipsmovingslowlyandourtonguesexploring,tastingeachother.

Hooking his strong arms under my knees, he slid me toward him so my ass hung off the edge of the

table. Removing his towel he exposed his hard cock and slid it into my already wet void. Our hands
hungrilyexploredeachother’sbodyasourhipsmovedintimeaswemadeloveonthekitchentable.We
reachedclimaxtogether,likeourbodieswereperfectlyintune.

Afterhewasspent,hecollapsedonme,hisheadrestingonmychest.Ibrushedmyfingersthroughhis

hair and waited until our breathing had returned to normal. “Nathan, why do think so much of me? You
don’tevenknowme.”

Pushinghimselfuprighthepausedbrieflybeforeheranahandovermybreastsanddowntowardmy

stomach,sendingshiversthroughmybody.“Itoldyou.Nina,you’regorgeous.FromthemomentIwalked

intomybarlastnightandsawyousittingatthetable,Iwantedyoutobemine.IknewIhadtohaveyou.”

“Butwhy?Whyme.Youhavehundredsofwomenthatwanttobewithyou.I’mplainandordinary.I

stilldon’tunderstand.”

“This Mike really fucked you over didn’t he?” Withdrawing his penis, he turned away from me and

pickeduphistowel,wrappingitaroundhiswaist.“I’mnotgoodwithemotions.Ican’texplainitNina.
Therewassomethingaboutyou.You’respecial.Isawitinyoureyes.Iknewthatwewouldbeperfect
together.AndnowIknowitwasyouatthehospital…”Hetrailedoff.

Islidoffthetableandgrabbedhisarm,forcinghimtolookatme.“Thenwhydidn’tyoujustapproach

meandbuymeadrink?Andaskmeouton,ohIdon’tknow,adate?”

“That’snotmystyle.”

“Whatisthen?Draggingachickcavemanstyleintotheparkinglotandfuckingherwithafinger?”

Heputhisfingeronmymouthtosilenceme.“Nina,Idon’tdoromance.Idon’tdoheartsandflowers.

Idon’tmakelove.I’mnotevensureI’mcapableoflove,ifthat’swhatyou’reafter.IfuckNina...andI
fuckhard.Icanmakeyoucomeuntilyouseestarsandthemoon...”

Iopenedmymouthtointerrupthim,butheshookhishead.“Letmefinish.”

“Goon.”Inodded.

“You’veawokenpartsofmethatIthoughtweredead.Likeyou,I’vebeenburnt.Iknowwhatit’slike

tobecheatedon.I’mdamagedgoods.Ifit’sromanceandloveyou’reafter,Ican’tpromiseyouthat.What
I can promise you, is that if you stay with me, you’ll be the only one I will fuck...over and over again.
Take it from me, that’s a huge commitment, and the best I can offer you. But if you can’t accept that, I
won’tkeepyouhereanotherminute.You’refreetogohome,rightnow,toyourlifeandyourex-boyfriend
ifthat’swhatyouwant.AndIpromise,you’llneverseemeagain.It’syourchoice.”

Itonlytookmeamomenttomakemydecision.Iswallowedhard,knowingthatIwouldregretit,and

lookedaway,unabletofacehim.“Ichoosetogo.”

CHAPTEREIGHT

STANDING NAKED IN THE centre of my bedroom, I stared at my reflection in the full length mirror.
Turningsideways,thenbackagain,Igrabbedatrollsoffatonmyhipsandranmyhandoverthelumps
andbumpsonmystomachandbutt.Anotheryearolder,andsadlynonethewiser.

“HurryupNina,”Michaelyelledatmefromdownstairs.“We’llbelate.Everyonewillbewaiting.”

“It’s my birthday, let them wait.” I fired back at him, but nevertheless quickly dressed myself in the

new pantsuit I’d bought to celebrate turning another year older. Black, with spaghetti straps and a thin
goldbelt,finishedwithkillerheels.Theoutfitwashot...shameIcouldn’tsaythesameaboutmyself.

It’dbeenmonthssinceI’dlastseenNathanandI’dbeenslowlyspiralingdeeperintothedepression

thatstartedwhenMikehadcheatedonme.Nathanhadkepthispromisetomeandnevercontactedme.I’d
stayed away from him and Shooters, but not a day or night went by when I didn’t think about him,
especially when Michael and I had sex. In fact, the only way I could climax was when I thought about
Nathan.Evennow,justthinkingabouthim,itmademewanttobewithhim.ButIdidn’thavetimefora
tripdownnostalgialaneintheshowerwiththeshowerhead.

Mybirthdaypartywastobeasmallinformalparty,beingheldarecentlyopenedcocktailbarcalled

Princess Martina’s Rooftop Bar. Princess Martina’s overlooked the city night views. Only top shelf
alcoholwassold,withtopshelfprices--afarcryfromthecheapWhiskySoursI’dhadonmylastnight
out.I’dheardgreatreportsaboutthebarfromfriendswho’dbeenherebefore,andnaturally,hadbooked
myownbirthdayfunction.Afterall,Icouldn’trelyonMichaeltodoanythingforme.NotthatIwould
anyway.Michaelwasstillthesamesincehecamecrawlingbackamonthago,sayinghe’dchangedand
allthatcrap.Ididn’tneedhim.Iwasonehundredpercentoverhim.Hewasnothingbutadistraction.
EverydayIhadregrettedmydecisionleavingNathan,butknewitwastherightdecision.Nathanwasan
unknown.AtleastwithMichaelIknewwhereIstood.

WearrivedatPrincessMartina’sfashionablylate.Allmyworkfriendswerethere,aswellasmybest

friendAdam,whokneweverythingaboutNathan.Ofcourse,whileIhadbrushedoverthefulldetailsof
ournighttogether,AdamknewthatIcontinuedtocarryahugeflameforNathan.Somuchso,thatAdam
allbutdrovemebacktoShootershimselfassoonasItoldhimacoupleofweeksaftertheevent.Iwas
positiveNathanwouldhaveforgottenallaboutthatnight--andme--almostimmediately.Iknewhewould
have traded me up for one of the many hot blonds that threw themselves at him. He wasn’t the type to
committoamonogamousrelationship,nomatterhowmuchhesaidhewould.IknewIcouldn’tdealwith
thatheartbreakagain.

As soon as Michael and I stepped out of the bar’s elevator into the foyer, Adam, who spotted us

immediately,squealedwithdelightasheranthelengthoftheroomtoembracemeinatighthug.

“Hooker!Finallyyou’rehere.I’vealreadyhadthreeespressomartinis.Icouldn’twaitforyou...Sorry,

notsorry.”

Ilaughedathim.“WellallIcansayis,Ihopeyou’reupformoredrinkingwithme.”

“Ofcourse.Icouldn’tletmygirldrinkaloneonherbirthday.”Hegrabbedmyhandandlookedover

myshoulderatanextremelyuncomfortablelookingMichael.“I’mtakingNinatothebar.Ourtableisup

theback,overlookingthecityview.”

Adam flicked his hand dismissively in the general direction of the table. His opinion of Michael

wasn’tveryhighandhatedthefactthatIletMichaelcrawlhiswaybackintomylife.

Adam pulled on my hand, leading me toward the bar service area. “You should have been here

earlier.”Adamslurredslightlyashetalked.“ThehottestmalewalkingthefaceoftheEarthshowedup.
HewasacrossbetweenJasonMomoaandadarkhairChrisHemsworth.Youknow,ifhehaddarkhair.”
Helookedaroundtheroom,craninghisneck,aswenearedthebar.“Ithinkhe’sstillhere.Ididn’tsee
himgo.”

“Really?Washeyourtype?”

“Sweetie,everyoneismytypewhenIhaven’thadalayforacoupleofmonths.”Aswereachedthe

barhepulledawadofmoneyfromhispocketandslappedahundreddollarbillonthecounter.“Myshout
birthdaygirl.Theusual?”

Shakingmyhead,IgavehimasmilethatonlyIknewthesecretto.“I’llhaveaWhiskySour.”

Hecockedaneyebrow.“Sincewhendoyoudrinkwhiskey?”

“Sinceaboutsixmonthsago.”

Adampoutedhislips,givingmeasulkylook.“IfeellikeIhardlyknowyouanymore.”

I rolled my eyes at him and was just about to reply when a familiar bartender approached us. Her

distinctaccentdrewmyattentionimmediately.“What’llyahave?”Shegaveusamegawattsmile.

Myheartstoppedbeatingforasplitsecond.Wasitreallyher?Ihadtocheckhernametagtobesure.

Therewasnodoubtingit,andeventhoughthenamesaidCandaceinsteadofCandy,Iknewexactlywhere
Ihadmether.

Adamsmiledbackather.“I’llhaveanespressomartinithankssweetie,andthebirthdaygirlherewill

havea...umwhatwasitagain?AWhiskysomething?”Helookedatme,butIwassuddenlyrendereda
mute.

Candy’sbrowsfurrowedquicklyasshelookedatmebeforesherecovered,andhersmiledreturned.

“AWhiskySour?”

Inodded.“That’sit.”

“Comin’rightup.”Sheturnedherbacktousandstartedmakingourcocktails.

Adamleantonthebarwhilewewaitedforourdrinksandeyeballedme.“Sowhat’sthegowithMr.

Douche?Istillcan’tbelieveyou’vetakenhimback.”

“DropitAdam.Nottonightplease.Ijustwanttogetdrunkandenjoymynightwithoutdrama.Please?”

“Fine.”Adamletoutapuffofairandhelduponefinger.“Butforonenightonly.Aftertonightyouand

Ineedtosortthisshitoutonceandforall.Agreed?”

“Agreed.”

AdamandImadesmalltalkwhileCandymadeourdrinksinrecordtime.Iwatchedherforanysignof

recognition as she handed us our drinks, but other than her little look at the mention of a Whisky Sour,
therewasnoothersignsherememberedmefromShooters.ThankGod.

Takingourdrinkswithus,wejoinedtheparty.IttookeverythingIhadtonotcringewhentheysang

happybirthdaytomeasacollective.AfterseveralhugsandkissesIwasfinallyfreetoenjoymydrink,
but the moment was short lived. Adam elbowed me in the ribs as I took a sip of my drink and leant to
whisperinmyear.“Don’tlooknow,butherecomesKhalDrogoHemsworth.”

Laughing, I turned subtly to look at Adam’s obsession for the night and froze. I felt the blood drain

frommyface.Walkingstraighttowardus,cocktailglassinhand,wasnoneotherthanNathan.Ispunback
around,hopingtohellhehadn’tseenme.Ifeltnauseous.

“Ihearthere’sabirthdaygirloverhere?”Nathan’sdeepsmoothvoiceawakenedpartsofmyanatomy

thathadbeendormantforthepastsixmonths.NomatterhowmuchfantasisingIhaddone,nothingcould
replacetherealthing.“I’vebroughtherabirthdaydrink.”

Everyone in our group screamed my name and pointed at me. I shook my head and refused to turn

aroundandlookathim.IknowIlookedstupid,butIcouldn’tfacehim.

Michaelstood,rollinghiseyesinacondescendingfashionandgotupinmyface.“Nina,stopbeingan

idiotandjustturnaround.”

Ahandtouchedmyshoulderandelectricitypassedthroughmelikeaboltoflightning.“Nina?”

Suckingadeepbreath,Iturned.“Hi.”

He recoiled, shocked, and after a long pause, finally shoved the cocktail glass in my hand. “Happy

Birthday.”

Hiseyessweptovermebeforeheturnedandretreated.Iwatchedhimleave.Iwascompletelyfrozen

intime,allbutforgettingwhereIwasashedisappearedaroundacorner,andoutofmylifeagain.

IttookMichaeltojoltmefrommystupor.“Aren’tyougoingtodrinkyourcocktail?”

“Um.Um,yeah,”Istutteredinreplyandlookeddownatthecocktailinmyhand.Sittingonthebottom

on the glass, visible through the cranberry colored Cosmo, was a sparkling diamond solitaire ring.
Dumbfounded,IlookedfromtheglasstoMichael,andbacktotheglass.

“Well,takeitout,”heinstructed.

StillinshockfromseeingNathan,Ididashesaidandpulledoutthering,holdingitupsothelight

caughtthediamond.Aroundus,mygirlfriendsallstartedscreaming.Michaeltooktheringandcocktail
frommyhands.Onceheputthecocktailonthetable,hetookmylefthandandslidtheengagementringon
myringfinger.

Heraisedhiseyebrowswaitingforaresponsefromme.“Well?”heasked.

Icouldn’treply.Ididn’thavetimeto.Myfriendsjumpedallovermeshoutingtheircongratulations.

TheonlypersonmissingfromthatwasAdam.Hestoodtotheside,aguardedlookonhisface.

“I,um,I’vegottogotothebathroom,”ImutteredandwalkedawayasfastasIcouldwithoutactually

running,notcaringaboutwhateveryonewouldbesaying.Ididn’tevenmakeittothebathroombeforeI
beganhyperventilating.OnceIknewIwasoutofsightfrommypartyIleantagainstawallandshutmy
eyes, willing myself to calm the fuck down. First Nathan, and now this. So much for a night without
drama.

“Congratulationsseemtobeinorder.”Afamiliarsmoothdeepvoicespokeinmyear.

Myeyesflashedopen,eagertodrinkhimin.Ireachedouttotouchhisfacewithmylefthand,butthe

flash of the diamond reminded me that I was now apparently engaged. Immediately I dropped my arm
beforeIcouldtouchhim.“Thankyou.”

Hescowledashefoldedhisarmsacrosshischest.Hiseyesflickedtowardmyhandbeforehedrilled

mewithhisblueeyes.“Youmustbehappy.Yougotwhatyouwanted.Backwiththeass.”

Shovingmybejewelledhandinmypocket,Iresistedtheurgetoreachoutandgripaholdofhisflexed

bicepwithmyother.“Somethinglikethat.”Ilookedaway,unabletotaketheintensityofhisstare.“You
ownthisbarthen?DidyousellShooters?”

“Yeah.I’mco-ownerwithmyhalfsisterCandace.”

“Candace.That’sgreat.Itseemsthingshaveworkedoutforyouthen.”

“Somethinglikethat.”Nathanranhishandthroughhislonghair.“Whatchanged?Howcomeyou’re

backwiththeass?”

“Idon’texpectyoutounderstand.It’scomplicated.”

Helifthischindefiantlyatme.“Tryme.”

“Wehavehistory.”

Herolledhiseyes.“Isthatit?Wecouldhavecreatedhistorytogether.”

Mymouthdropped.“Youdon’tdoloveandrelationships.Yousaidthatyourself.”

“Iwaswrong.”

Isearchedhisfaceforasignofajoke.“What?”

He grabbed my face in his hands. “Not a day goes by and I don’t regret committing to you. You’re

betterthanme,andIknowIdon’tdeserveyou.”Heleanedinclose,hisfaceonlyinchesfrommine.“You
knowIhaven’tbeenwithanyonesinceyou.Ihaven’tstoppedthinkingaboutyou.It’stakeneveryounceof
myresolvetonotcomeandfindyou.”

Myvoicecaughtinmythroatandcameoutinawhisper.“Youshouldhave.Ihaven’tstoppedthinking

aboutyoutoo.”

Reachingdownhegrabbedmylefthandandbroughtitupsowecouldbothseethediamondring.“But

you’rebackwithhim.Andengaged.”

Islidtheringoffmyfingerandputitinmypocket.“Ididn’taccepthisproposal.Actuallyhedidn’t

evenaskme.IranbeforeIcouldsayanything.IfIhadn’tseenyouheretonight,maybeIwouldhavesaid
yes.Idon’tknow.ButIdoknow,Idon’tlovehim.Thingshaven’tbeeninthesameinmylifesinceIleft
you.I’vebeenindeepdepression.Michaelcamecrawlingbacklastmonth.Hewasadistractiontohelp
meforgetyou.”

Hisbeautifulfacecrumpledinafrown.“Ihadnoidea.Whydidn’tyoucometoShooterstofindme?”

Ishookmyheadathim.“Youdidn’twantarelationship.IthoughtIcouldgetoveryou.Wehadone

nightofpassion.That’sit.Ididn’twanttobelieveitwasanythingmorethanthat.Onenightisn’tenough
toknoweachother.IfigureditwasbetterIhadthefantasyandlivedknowingthatIhadoneperfectnight
withtheperfectguy.”

“It was one perfect night, but it more than passion.” Without warning, he kissed me until I was

breathless.

Everythingaboutbeingherewithhimfeltright.Whenweeventuallycameupforair,Irealisedwehad

anaudience.Adamwaswatchingus,withashit-eatinggrinonhisface.

“Icametoseeifyouwereokay.Itlookslikeyouaremorethanthat.”

IsmiledandwrappedmyarmaroundNathan’swaist,lettinghimpullmeintightagainsthisrockhard

body.“Adam.LetmeintroduceyoutoNathan.NathanthisismybestfriendAdam”

Adam’seyesbuggedoutofhishead.“IsthisTHENathan?”

Inodded.“Itis.”

AdamlookedfrommetoNathan.Asmilespreadacrosshisface.“Sodoesthismeantheengagement

isoff?”

IreachedintomypocketandtookouttheringandplaceitinAdam’shand.“I’llevenletyoudothe

honoursoftellinghim.Andmakesureyoutellhimwearedoneforgood.Iknowhowmuchyou’llenjoy
that.”

He laughed. “Hooker, even though it’s your birthday, that’s the best birthday present you could ever

giveme.”HegavemeaquickkissonthecheekandgaveNathanonelastblatantpervylookover,before
heskippedawaytodeliverhisgoodnews.

Oncewewerealoneagain,Nathanturnedmearoundandpinnedmeagainstthewall.Hekissedme

againbeforetakingmyhandandputtingitoverhishardcock,likethefirstnightwemet.“What’ssaywe
getoutofherebirthdaygirl.I’vegotmyownbirthdaypresentforyou--I’mgoingtofuckyousohardyou
won’tbeabletowalkforaweek.”

Ilaughed,giddywithjoy.“Ithoughtyousaiddidn’tdoromance.That’sthemostromanticthingyou’ve

saidtome.Nowtakemehome.Wehavelotstocatchupon.”

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

Joanneisaloverofbooksandthewrittenword.Shelovestodrinkcoffee,watchBgrademovies,and

enjoystheoccasionalnightoutwithherbestie.

ShegrewupinsunnyQueenslandinAustraliaandcurrentlyresidesontheSunshineCoastwithher

family.Shehasalwayshadapassionforwritingandisaformerradioannouncerandjournalist.

JoanneiscurrentlywritingasequeltoFreefall,andaYAContemporarynovelthatmayormaynot

takeanotherthreeyearstowrite.

Ifyoulikedthisbook,andwouldliketoreadsomemoreofJoanne’swork,headoverto

www.joanneefendi.com