DECEPTION

C. A. HARMS

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places,
events, and other elements portrayed herein are either the
product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any
resemblance to real persons or events is coincidental.

No part of this book may be reproduced, storied in a retrieval
system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without
prior permission of the author. If you should do so, legal action
may be taken to protect the author and their work

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does

enlarge the future.” Paul Boose

Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17

Epilogue

Bonus Scene

Part One

Prologue

STEP

INTO

SMALL

ONE

BEDROOM

APARTMENT

and immediately I'm hit with the musky smell of
marijuana. Empty beer cans are scattered around
the area and a half-empty bottle of vodka sits on
the coffee table in the center of the room.

Suddenly Nate comes out of our bedroom in a

hurry, one bag thrown over his left shoulder and an
even larger one dragging on the floor behind him.
He looks frantic while his body shifts around as if
he is in search of something.

I push the door shut with force, allowing the

sound of it to gain his full attention and causing his
body to go rigid.

“You going somewhere?” I ask as I do my best

to maintain the irritation flooding my body.

I already know he is fleeing. When things go

sour, this is Nate’s way of coping with just about
everything lately. What I want to know is if he even
planned on telling me this time.

“Blair.” The tension within him from only

seconds ago fades and once again he is on the
move. “Babe, I gotta get out of here.”

“Where to this time? And what brought this

on?”

I’m over this. We’ve been so far apart over the

last few months that I feel like we’re on two
different sides of the country. He’s spiraling out of
control, and I’m working hard to pay the bills and
support us both. His bad habits are growing, only
furthering the distance between us. I should have
cut him loose long ago, but I guess I’ve been
holding out for the sweet guy I once knew to show
his face again. The guy who at one point told me
that all he needed to be happy in this lifetime was
his beautiful girl by his side. Me, of course, being
that beautiful girl.

Now, I don’t know if he even looks at me like

that anymore. On the rare occasions we have been
intimate, I’m not even sure he was coherent enough
to comprehend it was me and not just a random
warm body, which leads to the reason why it’s been
a long time since he and I have shared no more
than maybe a kiss. There was no way I would risk
my health by attracting some unwanted disease
from a guy who was so far gone in drugs and

alcohol that he didn’t give a shit who he fucked. I
was the dumb girl who felt that somehow, by
holding on even just a little, I’d be able to save him
from the darkness in which he’s been living.

But it’s become clear that no amount of

understanding will bring him back; the Nate I once
knew is gone.

“Listen, I don’t have time to go through all the

details right now—”

“But you have time to pack your shit and hurry

off like some thief in the night, as if ditching the girl
you’ve spent the last two and a half years with
means absolutely nothing to you.” I can feel the
anger inside me growing as I go on a rambling
spree.

He ignores my irritation and reaches beneath

the couch to pull out a plastic bag. It is full, of what
I can’t tell. “I’ll explain, but right now I really need
to get out of here, B.”

“What is that?” I reach out to grab the bag from

him, but he jerks his arm away in a hurry and in the
process, hits my cheek with more force than I
expect. The sting floods me and in reaction, I shove
against his chest with every bit of strength I have.

“Damn it, Blair.” You’d think he’d apologize or

hell, even ask if I was okay, but instead he hurries
off toward the door, acting as if I’m in his way and
got what was coming to me. “I’ll call you when I
figure things out. I don’t know how long I’ll be

gone.”

“Don’t,” I say without turning to look behind

me, “call or come back. Just go away.” I don’t want
to see his face void of any true emotions. I know
already he’s empty inside. Emotionally, Nate
checked out on me long ago. The stupid girl in me,
the one who dreamed of the guy she’d once loved
so deeply, broke a little more inside.

He hadn’t always been this man. Before he got

wrapped up with the wrong kind of people, he
really was a good guy. He was great, even, treating
me better than I had ever imagined, but that felt
like a lifetime ago. The distance and angry words
we’ve shared now cloud all those sweet times of
our past.

A few silent seconds pass, then I hear the click

of the door as he walks out and closes it behind
him. Though I’m angry, I still feel saddened by the
fact he can so easily choose the crazy life he leads
over what we once had. The idea that I mean so
little to him is hard to accept.

I’m left with no other choice but to forget Nate

Gilroy and anything we could have become.

Chapter One

ONTHS

ATER

…

“ B

LAIR

.”

I turn to my left and smile. It is impossible not

to when Jake Gunner, the blue-eyed, dark haired
bartender who has been training and working side
by side with me for the last three months, is smiling
back at me. He is also the guy I secretly fantasize
about each night when I go home. Okay, also during
our many shifts together. It’s almost impossible to
avoid. The man is sexy in a dangerous kind of way.
Hair the shade of deep dark chocolate, eyes almost
dark as night, and shirts that do nothing to hide the
strong tattooed arms and chest hidden beneath.

I first met him two weeks after Nate so

graciously took off and left me without looking
back. I quickly found that even though Nate’s
money was dirty, he did contribute to the living
expenses. I was stuck with an apartment and bills I
couldn’t afford and felt like my world was falling
apart. I had to consider the idea that I might soon
be homeless.

With the help of a few friends, I was dragged

out for a night on the town. They felt I needed it
and gave me no other choice but to accept their
offering. Quickly I found myself drunk and feeling
even more sorry for myself. When I drink I tend to
ramble…a lot. I immediately befriended a girl
behind the bar and went on and on to her about my
life and the hell it had become. I freely offered
explicit details about Nate and the last couple of
years of my pitiful existence, and she graciously
listened. I wish I could take it all back now; I was a
hot mess and the next day I paid dearly for it.

But out of that disaster of a night, one great

thing did come of it: a job.

The next morning while I sat at my kitchen

table, with my head in my hands, Sadie handed me
a piece of paper. The name Miller’s, a number, and
one name: Jake. Now here I was, working at a local
pub with, in my opinion, the sexiest bar manager in
town. So I guess in a sense, I did win.

Did I mention I have nasty, dirty thoughts

almost daily about said manager?

“I need three shooters and a Bud Light.” Jake’s

voice jerks me out of my daydream. He winks as he
continues to mix the remaining drinks ordered by a
group of guys at his end of the bar. It’s hard not to
get lost in the way his arms flex and his back
muscles tense under his snug shirt as he moves
around behind the bar with ease.

It was hell spending a five-hour shift horny and

lusting after your coworker.

“Blair.” I am lost in thought once again and

have still not gotten the drinks he requested. The
sound of his voice suddenly sends me into
overdrive as I spin around and ignore the fact that I
have just been caught staring openly at him. With a
racing heart from what I’d describe as sexual
tension, I get busy with everything he requested. I
move toward his end of the bar and place the drinks
in front of the guys, instantly loving the way Jake
looks at me—the sexy grin and his eyes that rake
over me slowly.

A few of the guys make a comment or two

about my ass and cleavage, but that comes with the
job. Rarely did I get through a shift without at least
one guy talking about what he would like to do to
me, but I just tune it out. It’s for the best. I dress for
the job, wearing tight jeans and low-cut shirts or
sometimes crop tops. It all makes for better tips.

Jake, on the other hand, doesn’t appear as

though he cares much for their remarks. He steps in

close behind me, pressing the front of his body
against my backside. It is the first time he’s ever
expressed this kind of possessiveness and it sends a
shock of delight through me.

“Let’s keep it clean, gentlemen.” His voice is

full of warning and chills rake through me from the
dominance it conveys. “Or you and I will have a
problem.”

Without even thinking twice about it, I push

back just a little further and can feel him against my
ass. Involuntarily my eyes flutter shut for just a
moment as I imagine what he has hidden beneath
those jeans of his. From the feel of it, there most
definitely is something very special indeed.

“You keep rubbing up on me like that, I may be

forced to close down early,” he whispers against my
ear as he squeezes my hip. “You’re making it
difficult for me to be a good guy here.”

Heat rises to my cheeks and I look back over

my shoulder wanting to tell him to go for it, but
before I can, he steps back and begins working the
bar once again. Even though he pretends to be
busy, I notice more than once that he glances in my
direction.

I, of course, stand there practically panting with

yet another long list of erotic thoughts about Mr.
Dangerous.

This job is some kind of crazy torture, but it’s

one I won’t walk away from even though it leaves

me feeling shaky and twisted up inside.

Whitney, my best friend and biggest supporter,

is the one who convinced me to accept the job in
the first place. She knew I needed it. She is also the
one who for the last few months got to hear me go
on and on about how I wanted to mount him and
never let go. I don’t see this attraction getting any
easier to handle in the future, either. I feel like I am
about to combust, and Jake Gunner will need an
army to keep me from taking what I want from him.

I do my best to ignore Jake as I work my end of

the bar. Distance is good; it keeps me from
embarrassing myself any more than I already have.
The guy knows I have a thing for him—I haven’t
once hidden the fact he makes my heart race.

I do my best to ignore him when he openly flirts

with the female customers, but it is difficult. I want
to be the girl he gives that sexy grin to, the one he
winks at as he gently touches my hand.

“Eyes over here.” I look away from Jake and

find Whitney and Sadie sitting down in two open
stools at my end of the bar. “Watching him is only
making you look desperate.” I glare at Whitney,
making her laugh as I grab two glasses and start to
make their drink of choice.

“If I was stuck here with him for hours upon

hours you better bet I’d be lusting.” Sadie’s eyes
roam over Jake and I have to look away from her to
keep myself from acting possessive. He is not mine,

though the jealous feelings I get make it seem
otherwise. “And the moment the doors were locked
and I was left alone with him, you can guarantee
I’d be sampling what that sexy man is hiding
beneath those jeans. He is so good-looking, Whit.
Tell me you don’t feel the same.”

“I never said he wasn’t.” She tosses a ten onto

the counter as I place their drinks before them.
“But I’ve also been in here almost every weekend
since Blair landed this job and I’ve witnessed him
with at least half a dozen bar whores. So, with that
being said, I think she needs to steer clear.”

“I was telling her to screw him, not marry him.”

Sadie lifts her glass and takes a generous gulp.

“I think she should refrain from screwing him

too.”

The two of them carry on about me like I’m not

standing two feet away.

“But I do think he’d be really good at it.”
“Excuse me?” They both look away from Jake

and meet my stare. “I won’t be screwing him or
anything else for that matter.” I am completely
aware of the fact that my statement sounds unsure.
“Can you two talk about something else, other than
me and my sex life?”

“What sex life?” Sadie mumbles the words but I

hear them clearly.

“Again, none of your business.” They are two

of the nosiest people I know.

“I’m just saying that you are twenty-three,

single and gorgeous.” Sadie waves her hand in the
air in front of her. From the looks of it, I would
have to guess she’s been drinking for quite some
time prior to showing up here. “You should be
enjoying yourself and not spending every day being
so standoffish because you got wrapped up with
some douchebag that made you leery of all guys.”

Her voice is carrying throughout the bar and I

look around to see who is looking in her direction.
Thankfully with the jukebox and loud talking, it
seems most haven’t heard her.

I work my end, walking away from her in hopes

she lets it go, but she only talks louder. “If Mr.
McHotty Bar Manager can make your toes curl,
then I say go for it.”

My eyes widen as Sadie practically screams

these words and immediately I search out Jake,
who of course is standing only a few feet away,
smiling widely. His eyes lock on mine, just before
they slowly shift downward as he scans over my
body once again. Chills cover my arms and neck
and I shift nervously, feeling excited. All I know is
I’m going to kill Sadie the first chance I get.

Jake sidesteps Liam who is stocking the cooler

that holds the beer bottles behind the bar. In doing
so he brings himself closer to me. There I stand
with a tall glass in one hand and the nozzle to the
Bud Light draft in the other, and I know I have to

look like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Did I hear something about toes curling?” Jake

whispers in a deep raspy tone. I hang my head to
hide the blush I know is covering my face. “That’s
when you know it’s good,” he adds, his warm
breath fanning over my neck and shoulder. “Has it
ever been that good for you, Blair?”

I swear the temperature inside Miller’s just

went up twenty-five degrees. I want to find that
inner strength inside me. The one that helps me
look up and meet his stare, but I can’t. I know if my
eyes connect with his, I will most likely do
something that I’ll regret. Like tackle him to the
ground and grind on him like a cat in heat or
something worse.

So instead, I wait for him to back away and

then I turn to face my friends who both smile
knowingly.

Bitches. Both of them.

Chapter Two

AKE

IME

something I don’t have much of. Not when

it comes to my father. He is a pushy bastard who is
used to getting things when he wants them, no
matter the cost. When you cross Zeke Gunther you
sign your death warrant. Am I proud of my father?
No. He’s a heartless bastard, one without shame. I
was born into a life I hate, but getting out isn’t an
option. Not if I want to get out alive.

I’ve been given one task. Find out what Blair

knows about the location of the sorry fuck who
stole from my father. It doesn’t matter what it
takes. Nate Gilroy is one of the assholes who
thought he could outwit my family. His men have

been following Blair for weeks, looking for the
perfect way to get her into Miller’s Bar. The second
they found one of her friends was dirty, it was their
in. She truly has no idea who her friend really is, or
how Sadie is involved in the wrong kind of life.

I should feel bad that I’m taking advantage of

the strung-out girl in the way I am, but there isn’t
time for that. She is a pawn in my game to gain the
answers I need. From the time I presented her with
no other option but to cooperate, everything
unfolded perfectly. My father pulled me from the
streets and assigned me to pose as a bar manager in
one of the many locations he owns and stand at
Blair’s side. From there, I was told to use whatever
means necessary to find out what she knows about
the sorry piece of shit we are after.

Zeke Gunther is known for his power. Not

many choose to cross him. When his name is
brought up, people just know he means business.
Somehow the idea of him or any other man being
sent in for this task made my stomach ache. I can’t
allow anyone to get near her; she doesn’t deserve
that wrath. Blair is innocent in this mess and I have
to ensure she remains untouched.

The Gunther name alone speaks volumes,

which is the reason I chose an alias when I
intertwined myself in the life of Blair Wilkerson.
Had I introduced myself as Cyrus Gunther, she
would have run away faster than I could have

stopped her. It was the reaction I got from most
people when they found out who my father is. No
one in their right mind willingly enters the life I
lead.

What should have been a quick task has proven

to be one of the hardest I’ve set out to complete.
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine a girl like
Blair could have been wrapped up with a scumbag
like Nate.

That guy was a fuckup at all angles, dirty,

conniving and a cheat.

I’d watched him weasel his way into our inner

circle with the help of my brother, Gabe. I’d
watched Nate snort more lines than he paid for,
fuck girls he barely knew, and during all those
events he had a sweet girl like Blair waiting for him
at home. None of it made sense to me. I would kill
for a life like that, a life where I had someone like
her to share my days and nights with.

I was given one more week to push her for

answers, for any clue that would lead us to Nate. If
I couldn’t get what they needed, then they would
turn the task over to my weasel brother. Only over
my fucking dead body would I allow Gabe within
ten feet of her. In my eyes, he is worse than Nate.
He’d stop at nothing; it didn’t matter to him if he
resorted to violence. He’d gain the answers my
father sought. My brother had proven long ago to
be an asset to my father, but he is also a menace.

His lack of control creates more complications for
my father than he hopes for. When things go awry,
when things get messy, that’s when Gabe is set
loose. I can’t let him anywhere near Blair.

Each time I look at her and she gives me that

heated stare, it takes all I have not to push her up
against the wall and give her exactly what I know
she wants. The girl is fucking amazing and the
craziest part is she doesn’t even realize it. I want to
take advantage of the things that I know run
through her mind; I want to be selfish.

I won’t pretend I’m innocent, that I don’t have

a warped mind of my own, because I’m as fucked
as the rest of them. I’ve partaken in the perks of
being a Gunther over the years. I had no way out,
so why not participate on occasion? There was no
need to make my life any more difficult than it
already was.

But Blair doesn’t deserve the kind of life I

have; she’s too sweet.

I want to take things slow, be as delicate as I

can in the process of seeking answers. I want to
know the girl behind the image Nate has already
managed to paint. He made her seem as though she
too was strung out and a person we couldn’t trust.
The problem is those needing answers on the
whereabouts of her ex don’t give a shit. Get the
answers no matter what it takes or who you destroy
in the process—those were my instructions. Blair

just happens to be the one person in that line of
destruction I can’t seem to plow through.

Whenever she looks at me, that small trace of a

smile tugging at her lips makes me feel like a weak
little adolescent boy. She makes me forget where I
come from and gives me hope that my life can be
different. I want her more than I can seem to
control. Those sweet lips, that perfect body, I want
to claim it all. That creates a huge problem in the
plan. A problem that is fucking with my head, and
with each day that passes, I find myself falling
farther and farther into her depths.

Tonight is no different, even though I told

myself it would be. I can’t seem to stop my heart
from racing whenever she is near. I stand off to the
side of the bar as I watch her move around with
ease. Only moments ago she stood before me, her
shoulders rising and falling as she looked to the
floor. I’m sure it was to hide the embarrassment she
felt by her friend's declaration or my words that
followed. I’d give just about anything to be the man
who made her toes curl as I buried myself inside
her over and over. I want nothing more than to feel
her fall apart in my arms and scream out my name.
I dream so desperately for that very thing.

Just the idea of another man touching her as she

begs for more makes my blood boil. I know I don’t
have the right to feel possessive over her, but it is a
reaction I can’t seem to control. A huge part of me

wants to just grab hold of her and pin her to the bar
while I claim her in front of every man here.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I reach for

it. My hand starts to shake when I see who the
message is from.

ABE

: Finish it or I will.

LIFT

my gaze and scan the bar, feeling my body

still the second I connect with eyes resembling my
own. Eyes we also share with our father. He leans
against the pool table, cue stick in hand as he
smiles, showing off his missing front tooth. He lost
it in a brawl a few months back and wears the gap
like a badge of honor instead of having it fixed. He
is trouble; he oozes it, lives for it.

I watch him look back down at the phone he

holds and type out something just before mine
vibrates once more.

ABE

: She is a sweet little piece, brother, I’ll

enjoy breaking her walls down. I can almost hear
her begging for me to stop already.

SHOULDERS

GROW

TENSE

. Standing tall, I round

the end of the bar, feeling my entire body shake
with anger. He sees me coming and doesn’t even
flinch. The fucker knows I won’t cause a scene; I
can’t compromise my position in this whole fucked
up mess. My father would surely make me pay for
that mistake. I pause and fist my phone so tight in
my hand I feel it dig into my palm.

I allow myself to find Blair once more just as

she tips her head backward in laughter. She is
unbelievable, so innocent and pure. Taking in one
deep calming breath after another I again look
down at my phone. Pressing the button to wake it I
keep her face in my mind. I carefully type out a
message that instantly makes me feel sick, but I
know I have no other choice.

: Tonight is the night, brother, I’ll get the

answers no matter what it takes.

STOMACH

ACHES

with the knowledge that

tonight has to be the night. I’ll set aside my feelings
that have developed for Blair and I’ll do what I
have to do. The only way to keep her safe is for me
to shut off everything I feel inside. I have to be a
Gunther, cold and callous. I have to forget about

the part of me that wants to grab on tight and hold
onto her forever. I know with the life I lead those
luxuries aren’t possible. Because with Zeke and
Gabe Gunther, nothing is sacred and nothing is
safe.

There was no place for shame or guilt in what I

was sent in to do. I just have to remember the
stakes. It will be either me or Gabe who will get
what our father needs. I just had to remember that
though my heart was screaming out no, it was
better that I be the asshole than for Gabe to get
anywhere near her.

Chapter Three

LAIR

“ M

FEET

ARE

KILLING

,” I groan as I hop up

onto the bar top and take off one shoe at a time.
Flexing my feet over and over, I attempt to relieve
the ache in the arch. I should know better than to
wear a pair of shoes that aren’t already broken in.
But they were too cute to pass up and now as I look
down at the strappy heels, I can’t seem to
remember what was so appealing about them. I
blame the blisters forming on my toes for my now
tainted view.

It’s almost three in the morning and Jake and I

just finished cleaning the bar. I am exhausted from
the nonstop shuffle that hit right around eleven. It

would seem every drunk in the city of Chicago had
decided Miller’s was the happening place. Jake and
I both ran around the bar in overdrive. I quite
enjoyed the gentle touches here and there he would
offer when we were forced to pass one another in
the small space we share. He’s been more flirty,
more forward tonight. But more so after Sadie so
openly announced the whole toe-curling comment.

I look up when I hear the sound of the back

door shutting just in time to see Jake step behind
the bar once more. He had just taken the last bag of
garbage out before we could finally call it a night.
When our eyes meet I find I’m unable to look
away. He stands only a few feet away with one
hand bracing the side of the bar, squeezing it so
tight the muscles in his arm seem to stand out even
more than normal. The dark brown orbs that always
manage to capture me are staring intensely back at
me. It’s almost as if he’s fighting something.

“What?” I finally ask, looking down at myself

then back at him, my mind racing with the
possibilities of what he might be thinking. Self-
doubt and nervous energy rush through me when I
allow myself to imagine how I must look—like an
obvious wreck.

He doesn’t answer me but instead moves across

the bar until he stands before me, bracing his hands
on either side of my legs. His chest rises then falls
with one deep breath after another. He remains in

that position, one palm resting on either side of my
thighs, for a few minutes. Just as I am about to
speak he moves closer, suddenly surprising me as
he grips my hips, pulling me forward. I’m taken
aback by his closeness, but definitely not
disappointed.

We’ve been skating around this tension

between us all night. Longer than that, actually, if I
am being truthful. Jake and I have shared various
touches and comments with hidden innuendos for
weeks. But it has never been more than that, until
now.

It’s only us; everyone else has gone home for

the night.

Here we are, still staring at each other, still

saying nothing. With the way he’s watching me,
continuing to breathe deep, his strong arms caging
me in, I feel my heart rate spike with eagerness.
There’s no fear, only curiosity and desire pooling
between us.

“Tell me to walk away,” he says as his eyes

rake over my chest and then back up to meet my
gaze. “Tell me you’re not interested in anything
more than two people working together inside some
grungy bar.”

I almost laugh. Is he serious?
“No,” I say. My eyes lock on his heated stare.

“I don’t lie.”

He flinches at my words, before recovering

quickly.

“We shouldn’t cross that line,” he states but his

expression says something completely different.
The way his hands still grip my hips and the way he
has somehow without me noticing positioned his
body between my parted thighs are all opposite
reactions to his words. “I shouldn’t—”

I stop him by hooking my legs around his waist

and using them to pull him even closer toward me.

“You should,” I correct him with more

confidence than I have ever felt before and he
smiles in return. His smile alone can do some real
damage to a girl’s panties. I should know; I’ve been
at the receiving end of it for weeks.

“Things could get messy,” he says as he leans in

and skims his lips over my jaw. My mind grows
hazy as I decide that I really like the way that feels.
Really like.

“God, I hope so.” My words fall from my lips in

a breathy whisper and he chuckles.

I’ve wanted this guy so desperately that at this

point I’m willing to do just about anything to have
him. I’m willing to face the awkward morning after
or the odd moment when you both realize you may
have taken things too far. I just don’t care at this
point, I’ve lived in solitude for months now, playing
it safe, doing what’s right. But now there’s nothing
I want more than a night of mind-blowing sex with
a man like Jake Gunner and the rest I’ll think about

later.

“Let’s get out of here.” I suddenly feel

disappointment fill me, inflicted by his words. That
is until he finishes that thought. “I’m staying at
your place tonight.”

Oh, hell yes!

RIDE

to my apartment is fueled by sexual

tension. It’s so thick I can almost feel the pressure
of it pushing against my chest. It feels like a heavy
fog that makes it impossible to breathe evenly.

As I fumble with my keys attempting to unlock

my apartment door, Jake stands so close behind me
I can feel his warm breath blowing across my neck.
Nothing has prepared me for the force of this man.
Nothing warned me that he would be so consuming.

Once the door to my place is open he’s on me

like a second skin. I can feel him everywhere.

I don’t care that the walls are so thin every

neighbor can most likely hear each whimper I
make. Right there in the doorway of my apartment,
Jake slides his hand into the front of my jeans and
within seconds has me screaming out his name.

I have no shame. I am nothing more than a

desperate hussy and I am okay with that. I own it.

All I feel is complete oblivion.

I’m a sloppy mess of need, so lost to the point

that if he chooses to fuck me there too, I most
likely will help him take off my pants to speed up
the process.

But instead, he moves to the bedroom where he

proceeds to make me lose every last ounce of
control. He’s an energy I’m not prepared for,
consuming and strong. With each touch he provides
I feel myself getting lost in a heavy haze of lust.
I’ve never been this hungry for contact, this
desperate for release, but Jake has me forgetting
every doubt I may have had lingering in my mind
and all I feel is him…us.

As I lie there feeling like it’s only seconds later,

with my stomach pressing firmly into the mattress
beneath me, I smile. The weight of his naked body,
still covering mine, almost cages me in. Not one
single part of me doesn’t feel the after effects of his
touch. I swear to it, even my hair is tingling with
the ripples of pleasure that still shake me. Jake was
like an animal unleashed and he had just devoured
me.

Even when I reached what I felt was the peak

of my pleasure, he proved me wrong and showed
me that I could take more. It was all a whirlwind,
clothes flying, loud cries of more, and deep moans
of pleasure. I’ve never felt anything so erotically
beautiful in my life. I could see in his eyes he felt it
too. More than once I found him looking back at

me as if there was something he wanted to say, only
he couldn’t form the words.

In that very moment, as his body still covered

mine, I know the thoughts I had earlier of being
able to move past this and work side by side with
him without feeling awkward were now an
afterthought.

Jake Gunner is a man who I know without a

doubt I can’t walk away from. I don’t want to,
either.

Chapter Four

AKE

“ T

ELL

me you got your in, boy,” my father’s voice

demands as I sit in the chair opposite his.

“Oh, he got in all right.” Gabe whistles and it

strikes a nerve inside me. “Look at his face, he
fucked her.” I move faster than my younger brother
can register and I slam him against the wall, my
hand fisting his shirt.

My father doesn’t even flinch at my act of

anger toward my brother. He only remains seated at
his desk, with his glass of whiskey in one hand and
a smug grin on his face.

“I’m just messing with you, Cy.” Gabe tries to

backpedal. “You don’t have to get all fired up over

some girl. She’s just a job.”

I want to tell him he’s wrong, but I choose to

release my hold on him and step back. I’m afraid if
I unleash on him, I won’t be able to stop. I have to
refrain from showing that anything regarding Blair
bothers me; they can only use it against me later.

“Enough wasting my time,” my father

complains, finally tiring of us. “Tell me you got
some information for me.”

“She trusts me,” I assure him as I once again

take a seat in the chair opposite his desk. “I’m in,
and the place isn’t big so if there is something
there, I’ll find it.”

“You told me you could handle this. Should I

doubt you?” My father is a prick. He doesn’t give a
shit about his boys; we are just a means to gather
money and clean up his shit for him.

“I said I got it.” I stare back at the man I

strongly resemble yet despise.

“That boyfriend of hers had to leave some kind

of trail behind. He stole from us, Cyrus.” I hate
hearing that name. He is the only one who calls me
by my first name and I cringe each time. He leans
forward and places his elbows on his desk, linking
his hands together. “I want him found, and I want
what he took from me returned. Either you find me
those answers, or I’ll send Gabe in to finish the job.
And we both know his antics are a lot less gentle
than yours.”

I chance a glance in my brother’s direction only

to find him smiling proudly. I want nothing more
than to wipe that smile off his face. He’s dirty,
morally corrupt, and there is no fucking way I will
give him the chance to get near Blair.

“I said I got it.” My nostrils flare with anger

from the visions that are running through my mind.
“Me sitting here shooting the fucking shit with you
ain’t getting the job done, so are we finished?” I try
to rein in my irritation and tuck away my desire to
break the two of them; it would only get in the way
of keeping Blair safe.

I hate nothing more than being tied to these two

men. I hate that I’m trapped in this family. I’ve
been able to lay low, keeping my nose clean in the
past, intertwining myself as minimally as possible,
but this time my father failed. Gabe failed because
it was his fault Nate got as close as he had in the
first place. Now I’ve been called in to retrieve what
he’d stolen so easily.

My father threatening me with my weasel

brother was just his way of ensuring I’d come
through. The bastard knows I have a conscience;
it's my worst enemy. He knows I wouldn’t want my
brother to touch Blair, with or without me being
involved with her.

But as I stare into my father’s eyes, I slip up

and I know the moment he notices. A grin covers
his lips as he lifts his drink and takes a slow, drawn

out pull of the amber liquid. A sucking sound
follows as he drags out the torture. I do my best to
recover, but if there is one thing about him, he
doesn’t miss an opportunity to prove he is in
control. He can see right through me; the asshole
knows without a doubt that I hold feelings for her.
He also knows that he now has me by the balls.

“By all means, son,” the smug look on his face

is like a knife to the gut, “don’t let me keep you
any longer.”

I leave the warehouse where my father does all

his shady operations and pull my phone from my
pocket as I walk toward my car. After tapping out
the number I pause next to my Charger waiting for
the call to connect.

“Gunner.” I can immediately sense the surprise

in Sadie’s voice.

“Looks like I’m gonna need your help once

again,” I confess, feeling guilty that I have to take it
to this level. But my time is running thin and I’ll do
what I have to in order to keep Blair away from my
family.

“But you said that if I got her to the bar and

helped convince her to take the job that you’d do
the rest. You told me that’s all I had to do.”

I did tell her that. But things just changed, and I

know I can use her for what I need and there isn’t a
damn thing she can do about it.

“Yeah, I did. But you also told me you were

gonna get your shit straight and steer clear of my
brother, but I think we both know that you lied. So,
as I said, I need your help with something. You
either cut the shit or I’ll make sure that Blair knows
just how involved you were with Nate.” I hear her
deep intake of breath and know I have her.

Blair has no idea that one of her best friends is

a junkie. Or the fact that she had been screwing her
boyfriend for free drugs for the last year of their
relationship, either.

So using those things to get what I want doesn’t

make me feel guilty in the least.

Sadie doesn’t deserve Blair and her friendship.

When this is all said and done, I’ll do whatever I
can to make sure Blair realizes what her friend truly
is. But for now, I have to make her believe her
secrets are safe until I get what I need from her.

“Answer your phone when I call. I’ve got to

work some things out first.” I hit end without
waiting for her reply.

Chapter Five

LAIR

I’

ADMIT

, I’m nervous about going to work after

the night I’d shared with Jake. I’m fearful of how
he’ll react. But those fears are quickly wiped away
when I step through the back door and feel myself
being pulled into a set of strong arms.

“Shh,” he whispers against my lips while

walking me back toward the small office. Once we
are safely inside and the door is closed, he pins me
against it using the weight of his body to ensure I
remain in place. “Hi.” How one simple word that I
have heard a million times can make my heart race
shouldn’t come as a surprise. I know Jake could say
anything and it would gain the same reaction.

“Hi,” I say in return, and watch as his eyes

roam over my face before once again locking on
mine.

“You’ll have to forgive me but after last night, I

can’t seem to help myself.”

“And here I was worried about things being

strange between us.” I feel the heat rise in my
cheeks when he arched his brow at me. “One night
doesn’t mean anything.”

“You’re wrong.” Jake cups the side of my face,

using his thumb under my chin to ensure he holds
full access to my lips. “It meant something.” Chills
break out over my chest and arms. “To me,
anyway.”

He doesn’t give me the chance to agree or

admit that I feel the same. His lips cover mine in a
slow tantalizing kiss that I swear to god I feel in the
tips of my toes. I may have even whimpered.

“I love that sound,” he grins against my lips.

Yep, I whimpered.

Jake continues to kiss me, my body still pinned

firmly to the door behind us. Our hands are
exploring each other again, much like they did last
night when he rocked my world.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve ruined me.” It’s my

turn to smile triumphantly. Oh, how I hope his
statement is true. I don’t want to go back to the
way things were before our night together—
watching him flirt openly with girls, having them

paw him, and giggle like school girls whenever he’d
toss a wink in their direction. “I told you things
could get messy.”

I lean out of our kiss and look up at him. He

wears a perplexed look on his face, still staring at
me. There is something unreadable in his eyes, a
sad look, almost like he is fighting an urge or even a
desire.

“Messy, how?”
A few silent seconds pass, and my heart begins

to race at the thought that he regrets us taking
things too far. I remember the words he spoke when
he asked me to tell him to stop.

“I just hope you don’t rely too much on those

tips you get from those horny guys that think they
actually have a chance with you.” My pulse
quickens when he shifts his hips forward, ensuring
that I feel how worked up he is. “Because I’m
about to shatter their hopes and dreams.”

When he steps back I immediately feel his

absence. I want to demand he come back and keep
rubbing against me, but understand we can’t. We
are at work and on the opposite side of the door is a
bar full of people.

Jake rakes his eyes over me, taking in my

appearance. I’ll admit I chose my outfit with him in
mind. Short skirt, tight low-cut shirt, topped off
with my favorite and most comfortable pair of heels
that accentuate my long longs. His eyes get that

heavy-lidded look, the one I’ve noticed he gets
whenever he is turned on.

“Watch out how you bend over.” He reaches

out and glides his finger along the flesh of my thigh
just beneath where my skirt hits. “I don’t share.”

A knock on the door makes my body jerk

forward. Spinning around I look at it with eyes
wide. I hear Jake’s deep chuckle just before I feel
his body press against my backside. “Let’s go get
this shift over.” I close my eyes, fully taking in the
sound of his husky voice. “Then afterward, I think
you should show me what it is you’re wearing
under that skirt.”

He cups my ass, and I squeeze my thighs tightly

together. Memories of him moving inside me less
than twenty-four hours ago hit me hard.

I feel the gentle brush of his lips over my

temple just before he steps around me and opens
the door. I don’t get the chance to see who is on the
opposite side. I only see Jake walk out of the office
as I reach out for the chair at my side to support my
weight.

Like I said before, there is no way to prepare

one’s self for a man like him. No way at all.

ARE

DOWN

to the last hour of the night. The

band is playing, the bar is at capacity and that
leaves very little time to interact with Jake. But it
doesn’t stop him from looking in my direction
every chance he gets. He winks, smiles, and a few
times I catch him looking me over ever so slowly. It
doesn’t seem to matter how big or how small the
gesture, I’m on edge, and I think he knows it.

I busy myself with a round of drinks for a

couple of guys who are sitting at my end of the bar.
I am fully aware of the fact their eyes are glued to
my ass and tits with every move I make. It never
bothered me before last night, but now I feel like I
just want to cover myself up.

“Hey, Blair.” I look up and see Tom, a regular,

step up to the side of the two guys. “Can I get two
drafts?” He holds out a ten and I reach out to grab
it, but the blond guy at his side snatches it before I
can.

“How about I tuck this right here,” he pushes

the ten into the front pocket of his jeans, “and you
come around here to my side and get it?”

I step back, crossing my arms over my chest

only to bump into a firm body behind me. I don’t
even have to turn around to know that it’s Jake. I
can already smell his cologne.

“How about you put that bill on the counter and

treat the lady like a fucking lady?” I shiver at the
tone of his voice and wonder where this side of him
has been hiding. “Or I can come around on your

side and you and I can take a walk outside, you
choose. You got two fucking seconds before I
decide for you.”

The blond man shares a glance with his friend

and after a few tension-filled seconds he reaches
inside his pocket and pulls out the bill. “I was just
messing around.” He holds up his hands in
surrender.

“You wanna mess around, I suggest you try that

shit on another girl.” Jake places his hands on my
hips and pulls my body back closer to his. “This
one is off limits.”

I have just been claimed.

Chapter Six

AKE

HOLD

LAIR

, my fingers digging into the

flesh of her hips. My body shakes with irritation
and I know my actions are only giving those who
watch more fuel to burn me. But I couldn’t rein it
all in—the need to protect her, the desire to keep
her sheltered from the fucked-up assholes who
surround her.

“You good?” I ask Blair, still staring a hole into

the guy who now refuses to look up at me. He’s
swiveled around facing the band, tapping his foot,
long since forgetting the altercation he was seconds
away from being the center of.

“I’m okay,” she assures me, placing her hand

over mine. “But I think you should know that this
caveman side of you is very sexy.”

I drag my stare away from the guy and look

down to see Blair looking back over her shoulder.
Her chin tilts upward, a smile tugging at her lips. It
was impossible not to smile in return.

“You’re trouble,” I tell her before placing a

quick kiss to her lips.

I see the surprise in her eyes when I step away

and move back toward my end of the bar. I
shouldn’t have kissed her, I know, but I was unable
to stop myself. Blair has me saying and doing all
kinds of shit I can normally refrain from. But her
goodness, the sweet girl she is, makes me want
everything she has to offer.

Part of me wants to tell her everything then

convince her that the safest thing is for her to run
off with me, only I know that can’t work. They
would find us, and we would both pay.

The rest of the night goes by fairly quickly and

without any further need to deem Blair off limits. In
fact, most of the guys who need drinks come to my
end of the bar instead of hers. Each time I look in
her direction and smile as if I’d won the battle. She
doesn’t seem to mind though, there is a glow to her
almost like me announcing our connection was the
best possible thing I could have done.

When closing time came, I lock the doors and

Blair, Tom, Marla, and myself move around

cleaning and closing things up. The band gathers
their equipment and loads it into the van that sits
right outside the back door. I can feel myself
growing more impatient with each passing minute. I
want nothing more than to throw them all out and
get some much-needed alone time with Blair.

I feel off-kilter, unsettled, and maybe even a

little agitated.

When Marla and Tom tell me they are done and

ask if there is anything more they can do to help, I
tell them much too quickly that Blair and I can
handle the rest. By the knowing smile on Marla’s
face and the smirk on Tom’s, I can only assume
they know the thoughts running through my mind.

The band manager tosses me a nod before

ducking out the back door and I’m quick to lock up
behind him. That feeling of being a kid again
returns as I spin to face Blair. Excitement hits me
like a freight train as she looks up through her long
lashes and tries her best to fight the smile tugging at
her lips.

I pause for a few seconds, simply taking her in.

I love the way she looks at me; no one has ever
eyed me the way she does with that simple gesture
alone. She doesn’t seem to see me as a Gunther;
she doesn’t fear me, and that feels better than
anything I have ever felt before.

I see the way her chest begins to rise and fall

faster as her breathing grows more ragged when I

approach. Just when she thinks I’m going to reach
out for her, I step around and go to the jukebox
instead. I swear I hear her sigh in defeat and
fucking love the idea of her wanting me to touch
her so badly that when I don’t she is disappointed.

I glide my finger over the choices, taking my

time to pick the one with the right mood. Sexy yet
meaningful, one that will allow me to hold her
close, but with just enough depth.

When the beat of the song begins I close my

eyes for only a few seconds before turning to face
her. Holding out my hand for her, I feel my heart
rate spike when she places her palm in my own.
With a quick jerk, she lets out a squeal before her
body slams against mine.

Her laughter is infectious; the sound of it seems

to make the hell of my world escape so easily.
When Blair places her other hand against my chest
just over my heart before looking up to me, I swear
it skips a fucking beat.

“You are so beautiful.” The words seem to burn

my throat. I know it is because I have never meant
anything more.

“So are you.”
I chuckle, and she buries her face against my

chest almost like she is embarrassed.

“That’s a new one,” I tell her, forcing her to

look up at me once more. “But I like it.” Beautiful
to me means something of innocence, something of

purity. Call me a fucking pansy for loving the idea
that she saw me as such. I know if she knew who I
truly was she wouldn’t be thinking the same.

Our gazes lock on one another, no words

needed as we continue to move together like we’ve
been doing it forever. Dipping my head just enough
to bring my lips to hers, she accepts my kiss
without pause. What I intended to start as nothing
more than a simple kiss quickly changes to more. I
have never been able to get so lost in one person
before, but with Blair, I do. She makes me forget so
easily the last job I was sent in to complete; she
helped me forget the man I was born to be. She
gives me hope that I could be something more, be
something great.

The song ends and as the next one begins I grip

her hips and begin backing her toward the office
where we’d started this very thing earlier tonight.
Ever since I stepped out of there and left her
behind, I’d been swarmed with visions of her
perched over my desk or straddling me in my chair.
It was hard to concentrate all night, and I found
myself hiding my erection on more than a few
occasions.

Just as we reach the doorway, I slide one hand

around her waist and lower it to the hem of her
skirt. Only I don’t stop there; I reach beneath and
trace over the edge of her panties on the inside of
her thigh. Finding that she is as turned on as I am

only made it that much harder to fight the
animalistic urges that race through me. The tip of
my finger tucks beneath her panties as I slide
smoothly over her entrance; she is wet and so
warm. Wasting no further time, I push my finger
inside her from behind and she pushes back
opening herself even more.

“You drive me so crazy.”
The feeling is mutual. Crazy is light in

comparison to the emotions and feelings racing
through me. I want this: her and me and us. I want
to feel this way every single day and night.

I remove my finger from her wetness and she

groans in protest. I see a disappointed look take
over her gorgeous face. But when I lift her skirt,
hook one finger on each side of her panties, and
begin to lower them, her eyes glaze over.

Her body rests back against the edge of the

desk, as if to gain leverage and stability from her
trembling legs. Lowering her panties to the floor
with ease I remain kneeled before her. I can smell
how aroused she is and it makes me crazed.
Leaning in, I kiss her exposed thigh before moving
to the next. Blair's legs only begin to shake even
more as she reaches out to place one hand onto my
shoulder. I smile against her thigh, knowing that
what I am about to do will throw her over the
ledge.

So very slowly I graze her clit with the tip of my

tongue and a deep guttural moan falls from her lips.
Holy fuck she is amazing. I can’t seem to get
enough of her, and I’m not only referring to the
way she is displayed before me now. I mean
“enough” in every sense of the word. Her eyes, her
smile, her laughter, and the way she touches me
even when she is just brushing past me behind the
bar. Her purity and the sweet gentle way about her
make me feel so unbelievably safe and real.

Unable to control myself any longer, I rise and

loosen the buckle of my jeans. Freeing my cock, I
quickly sheath myself and move forward to graze
over her wetness. Another whimper followed by a
whispered “Yes” leaves me as desperate as she
sounds.

I slam inside her, Blair’s back arches up off the

desk, and she grips the edge so hard her knuckles
appear white. I try to pace myself, go slow and take
my time enjoying each drive, each withdrawal, or
the way her body squeezes me so perfectly, only I
cannot seem to. All that races through my mind is
that I want this with her every fucking minute of
every fucking day.

When I look down, starting at the place we’re

joined and scanning over her body then upward
toward her gorgeous face, I find a look in her eyes
that matches my thoughts. She feels it too, I know
she does. This connection we have. One I shouldn’t
be feeling or allowing to take place, but am unable

to fight.

I have never felt anything like it before in my

life.

Immediately I feel her tighten around me, and I

grip her hips tighter, doing my best to drag out her
pleasure. Her eyes roll back, she bites her lips, and
suddenly I feel her let go. That is all it takes to
drive me over the edge. Together we share what is
one of the most intense and intimate moments of
my life.

I don’t want the moment between us to end, but

I know I’ve already pressed my luck. Any second,
one of my father's men or hell even my brother
could show up, and that is the last thing I want. So I
reluctantly pull free and clean myself up. I can hear
her moving around behind me, I’m sure doing much
of the same.

With my pants now once again in place, I fasten

my buckle and look up to find her looking
anywhere but at me. Quickly I reach out, forgetting
my pants and hook her around the waist, pulling her
body against mine. Her eyes widen in surprise just
before I press my lips to hers.

“You have no idea how much every second

with you means to me.” I rest my forehead to hers,
still keeping my eyes closed. “It’s like I can’t
breathe it’s so consuming, every look you give me,
the way you touch me. I’ve never been this reliant
on anyone before, like I can’t get enough.”

“Me too.” Her whisper is like another squeeze

to my already aching heart.

We stay this way for what feels like forever, but

I know it’s only a few seconds before I back away.

“We better close this place up.” And continue

this back at my place, or yours. I want to say the
rest, but I know I need to check in with my father.
If I don’t, I’ll find him or one of his assholes
seeking me out instead.

We finish shutting off the lights and step

outside, locking the back entrance. I link my hand
with hers and together we walk toward her car,
parked only a few feet from my own. When she
looks at me, her head tilted to one side and a smile
tugging at her lips, I can’t help but smile in return.

“I think you and I need to plan a getaway.” I

know to stick around here is something I can’t
chance. “Someplace I can have you all to myself.”

“I’ll have to see if my boss will give me some

time off.”

“I think if you ask him nicely anything is

possible.” I kiss her one last time before backing
away and allowing her to get inside her car. It is a
difficult task because the second I feel the distance
between us, my hands shake to reach out for her
once again.

She offers me a gentle wave just before placing

her car in reverse and backing out of her space. I
watch her drive off toward the main road and I

know the only way I’ll be happy is if I know she is
safely tucked away inside her apartment.

So I follow distantly behind in my own car and

pull over to the side of the road when I see her park
in an open space across from her building. Flipping
my lights off, I wait until she gathers her bag, closes
her door and hurries across the street.

God, she is fucking beautiful.
I place my hand to my chest and press as if that

will soothe the ache I felt. I want to go to her, I
need it, only I can’t. I have to figure out a way to
get the answers my father needs and keep her too.

Chapter Seven

LAIR

CLIMB

out of the shower and wrap myself in my

worn out light blue robe. It really has seen better
days, but it’s so soft and I love it too much to throw
it away. Just as I step out of the bathroom and into
the small hallway that leads to my room the door
buzzer rings, indicating I have a visitor.

My legs and my entire body still feel weak from

the previous evening after Jake and I closed down
the bar. Memories of it have continued to flood my
mind ever since the moment I drove away and saw
him watching from behind.

I tighten the strap of my robe and start moving

across the living room toward the door when the

buzzer sounds a second time.

Lifting up on my toes, I peek through the

peephole and feel my heart begin to race. I’m
pleasantly surprised to find Jake standing on the
other side. He’d made promises of getting together
again but I hadn’t allowed myself to believe it
would be this soon. I assumed it was his way of
escaping without awkwardness.

Now here he was.
I try not to appear too eager as I slowly unlatch

the locks and pull the door open, smiling when he
steps forward, pushing it open further.

Did I mention that Jake Gunner is impatient and

has absolutely no problem taking exactly what he
wants when he wants it? He proved that last night,
over and over, and even before that.

I’m suddenly pressed up against the wall just

inside my door and the robe I had tied securely
around me is now parted, exposing my naked body.

“Hi,” he offers, looking down at me hungrily.
“Hi,” I say in return, my cheeks aching from

the unbelievably large grin that is now covering my
lips.

There is something undeniably sexy about his

confidence.

“You feel like hanging out all day, hiding from

everyone else? Just you and I locked away inside
your place, ignoring everyone else even exists.”

I have a feeling he already knows I won’t say

no. I think my attraction for him is pretty evident. It
doesn’t matter how I attempt to hide it or pretend
he doesn’t get to me, my body reacts instantly
whenever he's near.

I had to say I was a little thrown by his interest

in me though. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy
who would be spending much of his time with only
one woman. But with me he seems different, not
that cocky arrogant man behind the bar that he
shows everyone else.

“That’s workable,” I say as he presses his body

closer to mine and parts my legs with his thigh. It
doesn’t go unnoticed that he shifts his leg against
me in a teasing manner.

“Completely workable,” I confess as I place my

hands beneath the hem of his shirt and begin
trailing them upward over his toned abs.

There is nothing soft about Jake.
“What are you waiting for?”
I pause, my hands resting against his abs as I

look up at him, slightly confused by his question.

“Do you want me, Blair?” he asks, and I

swallow past the lump in my throat. Was he joking?

“Yes,” I say in return.
“Then take what you want.” He steps back and

lifts his shirt over his head before he drops it to the
floor by his feet.

I stand frozen with my back still pressed firmly

against the wall as I watch this sexy man undress in

front of me. When he is gloriously naked only a
few feet away I am finally able to gather enough
strength to move toward him and take what he
offers.

He doesn’t touch me at first but instead allows

me to explore him. I take the opportunity to roam
over his chest and arms appreciatively with the
palms of my hands. Each dip of his many ridges
and the flex of his muscles beneath my hands only
manage to excite me more. I knew all along he’d be
amazing, but to see it now, to feel him, is so much
more than a simple fantasy.

Moving in closer, I press a kiss just over his

heart and teasingly move lower as I kneel slowly
before him.

He still refrains from touching me, his chest

rising and falling quickly with each breath. With
one hand sprawling out over each of his thighs, I
lean in and run my tongue gently over the length of
him. His legs tremble and I feel triumphant for a
moment, knowing I’m making him feel unsteady. I
love this feeling because I know a man like him
doesn’t break often.

Lifting my hand, I wrap it securely around his

cock and take him into my mouth, watching his
eyes flutter shut just before his head tilts back. I
swear I hear a deep growl rumble inside him, and
again that feeling of victory hits me.

With each stroke of my tongue, each shift of

my fisted hand over him I see him fall apart just a
little more. When he begins to thrust his hips with
the movements of my mouth I know I have him.
Then he fists my hair and starts to guide me as he
takes over. I’d never really enjoyed this part of sex;
it was something I’d managed to avoid often, but
this is different. Just the look on his face as he takes
from me what he needs makes excitement ignite
inside of me like I’ve never felt before.

When he pulls back quickly and his hardness

falls from my mouth I see a fire in his eyes. One of
deep hunger, one that maybe I should fear, only I
don’t.

I’m lifted from the floor and moved toward my

room before I have the chance to argue. Not like I
would have.

He lowers me to the floor and I look over my

shoulder to see him tearing open a condom package
with his teeth. For a split second, I wonder to
myself where he’d held it all this time, but that
thought is quickly forgotten.

Jake grips my waist, turns me around and parts

my legs with his. With just enough pressure applied
to my lower back, I fall forward and place my
hands on the footboard of my bed.

I’m just about ready to make a comment that

his favorite position must be taking a girl from
behind when I feel him slam into me, making me
cry out in surprise. The position is no longer

relevant because I’ll take him however I can get
him, it doesn’t matter.

“Fuck,” he moans, and it almost sounds angry,

like the fact that it feels so good irritates him. Jake
fucks with vigorous thrusts, he isn’t slow, but he is
consuming. He doesn’t give a woman a chance to
right herself or collect her thoughts; he just takes
what he needs. And in the process, he gives all he
can, too.

With one hand on my hip and the other on my

shoulder, he uses the leverage he’s gained to pull
my body backward to meet his thrusts. He is so
deep that at one point I wonder if I can take any
more before I lose myself completely.

“That’s it,” he encourages me. “Let go,” he

moans and that alone has to be the most
exhilarating sound I’ve ever heard. “You’re
squeezing me so tight, so damn tight.”

My body spins out of control and I sag forward,

feeling myself come with such force my entire body
trembles.

“Blair.” My name falls from his lips as he tenses

and swells inside me.

I remain perfectly still, hunched over the end of

my bed, with Jake still buried inside me. I know at
this point there is no going back from this. If things
get awkward, if things change, I understand that
continuing to work with him will be impossible.

Chapter Eight

AKE

LIE

AWAKE

, unsure of exactly what time it is. My

legs are tangled with Blair’s beneath the sheets as
she practically covers my body like a blanket. It is
perfect, she is perfect.

We’ve spent the day getting lost in one another.

It’s an easy task when it comes to her. She is the
kind of girl who takes all the ugliness in my life and
makes it feel nonexistent. Getting lost in her is one
of the easiest things I’ve ever done.

For hours, I’ve allowed myself to believe what

she and I are experiencing isn’t tarnished by my
father and his expectations. I just want to feel like
what we are doing, what we are sharing can be real.

I understand that I’m setting myself up to be
disappointed, but I also can’t stop my need to
know, the need to experience what it feels like to
fall for someone. I’ll admit, nothing has ever felt
this extraordinary.

Now as I lie here, knowing I’m about to deceive

her and the trust she’s given me, I feel sick. Her cell
phone begins to ring across the room and by that
alone I know it’s now eight in the evening.

I’ve been expecting it to ring, almost willing it

not to, but knowing it has to.

I planned for it.
“Blair,” I say in a husky voice. I want it to

appear as though the call has woken me. “Your
phone’s ringing.”

“Mm,” she groans as she tries to bury her body

even closer to mine. The thought of allowing her to
do so and ignoring the call crosses my mind. But
instead I nudge her side and she reluctantly sits up
and begins moving from the bed toward the ringing
phone.

“Hello.” I want to laugh at her obvious

annoyance. “Sadie,” Blair complains, whines really,
“how many times can one person lock their keys in
their car?” There is a pause before she sighs. “Fine,
but I’m not getting dressed and I sure as shit am not
combing my hair. And when I drive by you better
be prepared to catch ’cause I’m not even gonna
stop as I toss your spare key out the window.”

I lie perfectly still, acting as if I’ve fallen back

to sleep. I hope the plan works and she doesn’t
insist on me riding along with her. I just need a little
time alone inside her apartment.

The room grows silent just before I feel the bed

dip at my side. Then the feeling of her lips brushes
over my cheek as she presses a soft kiss there. The
gesture makes me feel like an even bigger ass than I
already am.

I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her, I

know that. But it was almost impossible not too
once I got to know her. I found myself wanting to
protect her and do whatever it took to get her out
of the middle of Nate’s mess. No matter how hard
I’ve tried to convince my father she knows nothing,
he won’t listen to me.

“I need to take Sadie her spare key,” Blair

whispers near my ear and I remain still. “I’m
hoping when I get back you’re still here.”

I wasn’t sure if she bought that I’d fallen back

to sleep, but I had to believe she had. I doubt she’d
be so openly sharing her thoughts if she believed
me to be awake.

“I like being in your arms, Jake, I like how you

make me feel. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt
this safe.” She may as well have punched me in the
balls. That would have been less painful than her
words.

I wait, remaining very still until I feel the bed

give at my side, an indication she is standing once
again. Then I hear the sound of her bare feet
tapping along the floor as she retreats toward the
living room. I lie very still until I hear the sound of
keys just before the door to her apartment clicks
shut.

I know I have very little time, so I move fast.

Ignoring the empty ache in my stomach, I start with
the closet and under the bed, sifting through boxes
and containers in search of anything that may lead
me to Nate. With each passing second, I feel my
heart beat faster with the idea of her returning to
find me going through her things. I sort through
drawers, careful not to make a mess in the process.

All I need is one little piece of information,

anything that will give me something to take back
to my father. An old envelope, a bank statement
with an old address of his parents. Any relative,
really, that he may have run too.

When I’ve gone through everything in her

bedroom I move quickly to the living room and
start doing the same thing. My hands shake as
adrenaline courses through me. My stomach twists
and turns with the deceitfulness of my actions.

I’ve just completed my search of a drawer in

the kitchen and am in the process of carefully
placing the items back inside when the front door
opens. I spin around as Blair steps inside and eyes

me with curiosity.

“What are you doing?” She looks past me

toward the mess on the counter and all I can think
is I have to act fast.

“I was looking for takeout menus.” Her brows

are still scrunched up in the middle. “After the
workout you’ve given me today, I feel like I need to
refuel.” I offer a wag of my brows, attempting to
lighten the moment and am relieved when she
smiles back at me.

“I think you’re the one that gave me a

workout.”

Ignoring the mess behind me, I move toward

her in a desperate need to have her close. Hooking
my arm around her waist I pull her to me, her chest
pressing firmly to mine. Blair’s eyes search my own
and that hollow feeling inside me returns. I want to
tell her that very second who I am and what I’m in
search of, but I’m fearful that things have already
gone too far. The idea of losing her even though I
know in the end I will anyway is too much. I’m
living a lie, I know that, but it feels so good to let go
of reality.

“What do you say we order something for

dinner and then crawl back into bed after we eat?”
Lifting my hand, I push the hair away from her face
and cup her jaw. “I kinda like sleeping next to
you.” More like fucking love it.

She has me saying and doing all sorts of shit

I’ve always managed to avoid before. Having
connections to anyone was something I’ve
refrained from because when people were close,
they only became a means to hurt me, something
my father could hang over my head and use against
me if he found it necessary. But I can’t stop myself.
Blair has gotten beneath my skin, so fucking deep
that all I can feel is her.

“Are you getting soft on me, Jake?” She smirks

knowingly, and I shift my hips forward, biting at her
lower lip and giving it a gentle tug.

“Whenever you’re near, I can assure you there

is nothing soft about me.” I thrust my hips forward
more suggestively and she gasps when she finds out
I’m hard. It’s an unavoidable reaction to Blair.

“You do know we can’t hide out inside my

apartment forever.” Oh, how I wish we could.

“We have until tomorrow when we both have

to be back to work to remain just where we are.”

“Almost another entire day together.”
She looks up at me through her long gorgeous

lashes and appears so sweet and innocent. She
weakens me with that simple look, makes me feel
as though I can barely breathe, and has no idea how
she affects me. I think that’s what attracts me the
most about Blair. She is the light in all the darkness
that surrounds me.

“What will we do with all that time?”
“I can think of a few things.” I allow my hand

on her waist to loosen as I wrap my other around
her then cup her ass in both palms. When I lift her,
she gives a little hop and immediately wraps her
legs around my waist.

“But what about the food?”
“Suddenly I’m not hungry for food anymore.” I

kiss her jaw and her head tilts back, opening up
more for me to explore. “I think I’ll feast on you
instead.”

“Yes, please,” she pants, and I smile against her

neck. This is gonna come back to bite me in the ass,
I just know it. But again, how can one stop doing
the things they know they shouldn’t when it feels
this fucking good? Being with Blair, getting lost in
her world is an escape for me. She is everything I
know I don’t deserve, and knowing that one day
it’ll end makes me desperate to take all I can now.

It’s wrong, I know it’s wrong, but I can’t stop.

Chapter Nine

LAIR

“ I

WAS

BEGINNING

to wonder if I should fill out a

missing person’s report.” I open my front door to
find Whitney standing on the opposite side. She has
her arms crossed over her chest and a displeased
look on her face. “Did you even consider that I’d
worry after being unable to reach you for more
than twenty-four hours?”

“Sorry,” I say with a shrug, still holding onto the

door to keep it partially closed.

“Is there a reason as to why you aren’t letting

me come inside?” Whitney is so unlike Sadie. She’s
more the mother hen type, always telling me what
she thinks, hovering in a sense, ensuring things are

how they should be. “What are you hiding? Or
should I ask who?”

She knows my life better than anyone—she

knows my past. A father who left when I was six
and a mother who checked out shortly after. I
practically raised myself for two years before I was
taken from my mother and placed in foster care.
Whitney was the little girl next door to the home I
was placed in and quickly became my best friend.
She defended me when kids would pick on me
about my clothes. She would shelter me when the
mean girls at school would whisper behind my
back. I love her so very much for all the support
she’s given me, but sometimes I wish she’d loosen
the reins just a little.

“Jake.” The second his name leaves my lips she

scowls in disapproval.

“Your boss.” She shifts her weight and juts out

her hip.

“Technically, he’s not my boss,” I say with an

innocent shrug, hoping to lighten the moment.
“He’s just the manager.”

Whitney shakes her head. “When are you

gonna figure out that if you keep going after that
type of guy you’re gonna get hurt in the end?”

Looking back over my shoulder, I verify the

shower is still running. “He’s not who you think he
is.” I can see the questioning look in her eyes. “I
think the dark and dangerous is just a show for the

job.”

“Blair,” Whitney lets her arms relax in front of

her as she steps closer, “you barely know him.
Think about it. You can’t let yourself get wrapped
up again and become oblivious to the signs around
you.”

“What signs?” Now it’s my turn to get annoyed

and maybe a little agitated.

“He’s a bartender, one who openly flirts with

every woman that comes in.” I start to argue but
she lifts her hand to stop me. “Before you say that's
part of the job, let me assure you that there is a
limit and that man doesn’t play by the rules. I just
think you're blinded by the guy on the outside and
in the end, I’m gonna be picking up the pieces of
you that he leaves behind.”

Her words feel like a stab wound to my chest,

partly because I fear them to be true. “It’s just
fun,” I assure her, trying my best to keep my
emotions clear. “Thought I’d take Sadie’s advice
and have a little fling. You need to stop worrying so
much.”

Whitney watches me, her gaze scanning over

me as she analyzes me carefully. I can already tell
she’s not completely buying my story.

“I just want you to be careful.” Finally, the

hardness of her expression softens. “You deserve
something better than a guy that just wants to use
you. I wish you could see that.” Without another

word, she leans in and offers me a quick hug before
turning to walk back toward the elevator.

Not once does she turn back to face me, and I’ll

admit, her disappointment and concern does leave
me feeling slightly off-kilter.

Shutting the door quickly, I walk toward the

kitchen to still see the mess on my counter from
earlier. Old bills and invoices are scattered, plus a
copy of the lease I’d forgotten I’d had. Seeing
Nate’s name reminded me of that time in my life
when I swore I’d be more careful with my choices.
Whitney had the right to worry; she’s stood by my
side more times than I can count as I went through
the phases of grief: sadness, guilt, resentment, and
anger.

One item at a time I start to place the papers

back into the drawer. I fight against the uneasy
feelings that begin to fill my stomach. I’m so lost in
thought I don’t hear Jake sneak up behind me. He
wraps his arms around me from behind, pulling my
body back against his, and I feel like my heart
lurches inside my chest.

“Jesus, you scared me,” I confess, and he

chuckles.

“Sorry.” A gentle kiss is pressed to my temple,

and it furthers the discomfort I’ve started to feel.
This is how it starts, all relationships or whatever
you want to call this. Everything is good, then it
slowly starts to fall apart.

“What are we doing?” I ask the question before

I can stop myself as I turn in his arms to face him.
His eyebrows scrunch up as he tilts his head to the
side, looking over my face slowly. “This,” I add as I
motion between us with my hand, “I’m not sure
what this is.”

Jake remains silent, watching me closely.

Something passes over his face, a look of concern,
insecurity maybe, I’m not sure.

“We have to go back to the bar tonight and

work side by side and I guess I just need to know
what—”

He silences me with a kiss as he steps closer

and cups my face with his hands. Holding me firmly
to him, he continues to move his lips and tongue
against my own. I’m instantly reminded of how my
body reacts to his touch.

“I like you, Blair,” he confesses, pulling back

from our kiss for only a second. His confession
manages to make me more nervous. “This,” again
he pauses, letting his forehead rest to mine, “is two
people getting to know each other. It’s us exploring
the options of what we could become.”

My pulse quickens.
“We go to work, just as we always do.” Jake

lifts his forehead and leans back, his gaze settling
on mine. “Only now, when any guy openly gawks
at you, I’ll be assuring them you’re not available.” I
arch my brow and he smiles. “And you have the

right to do the same.”

“Is that so?” I can’t help but smile when he

looks at me so seriously, as if those words are set in
stone and nothing I say or do will change them.

He nods his head.
“We don’t need to figure out what we are and

what we'll be in one night or even one week.” Jake
skims over my lip with his thumb. “I just know that
being with you feels right, and it’s been a long time
since I’ve felt what I feel now.”

“What do you feel?” Maybe I should let it go

and choose to protect my heart, only I can’t stop
myself. I have to know.

“Like you could be the one person to change

everything.”

My chest tightens and my knees feel weak. I

know here and now that he is right. Because I feel
it too.

AKE

LEFT

ONLY

a few hours ago so he could go

home and change for work. I spent the time alone
trying to regain my sense of control. I know
Whitney is right and that I need to slow things
down. The last day and a half has been amazing,
but getting completely wrapped up in a guy so fast
isn’t a smart thing for a girl like me to do.

I have a terrible habit of latching onto other

people to find the peace I think they hold for me.
It’s my downfall, and easily allows me to forget that
I have a whole set of my own issues.

I stand in front of my mirror, wondering how

I’ll get through tonight. My stomach is a mess, my
eyes burn with the impending feeling of wanting to
curl up in a corner and once again cry over what
my life has become. Not just over the last few days,
but the past few years. I’ve let myself go down a
path I swore I never would. I want something better
than my childhood. Something better than the
people who brought me into this world. I just want
more, period.

With a deep breath in and a slow breath out, I

look over my outfit one last time. A pair of dark
skinny jeans, high heeled boots and a shimmering
red top, low cut and revealing. I feel satisfied with
my choice.

I spin around and square my shoulders as I walk

toward the door. Over and over in my head, I
remind myself that I don’t need a man, or anyone
really, because I am strong and confident. Though
each word I speak feels like a lie, I continue to
chant them. Maybe if I say them enough I will
become that person I so want to be.

Chapter Ten

AKE

“ T

HERE

WAS

NOTHING

THERE

,” I assure my father as

he stares back at me, unsatisfied. His eyes narrow,
his nostrils flaring as he continues to take in one
raging breath after another. “I looked through the
entire place and found nothing of his but a lease
with no more information than we already have.”

“Did you ask her?”
“She doesn’t know anything,” I tell him,

ignoring his question.

“She knows something of value to me, Cyrus.”
I feel my adrenaline rise as he holds my stare.
“You’ve just allowed yourself to get wrapped

up in the girl and have managed to forget your

responsibilities. Getting laid has clouded your
judgment and from what Gabe tells me of this girl, I
can see how that can be done.”

I look toward my brother and find him smiling

wide.

“He says she’s very attractive.”
Gabe purses his lips and I want nothing more

than to knock the fucking look from his face.

“But it’s time for me to find a means to gather

the information you’ve neglected to collect.”

My father’s words instantly regain my full

attention. “What?”

“You’ve had your fun, Cyrus, and in the

process gotten a good piece, from what I can
assume.” My hands fist at my sides. “But I’ve
decided to take a different route.”

“What are you talking about?” My blood

pumps faster, making me feel lightheaded. The
chair my brother sits in squeaks from across the
floor as he stands.

“Don’t worry, brother,” he says as he begins to

walk toward the door. “I’ll be as gentle as I can
with her.”

I was moving across the room faster than my

mind could register only to be grabbed from behind.
Paul, my father’s flunky, bodyguard, whatever the
fuck you want to call him, and Brody, his oldest
friend, hold onto me from behind as Gabe stands in
the now open doorway. He looks back at me, a look

of triumph on his face. “I promise not to damage
her pretty face.”

“Don’t fucking touch her,” I seethe as I attempt

to break free from the hold I am captured in.

“But touching her is gonna be the best part.”

Gage licks his lower lip and I suddenly feel sick.

“I swear Gabe, if you hurt her, or lay one finger

on her, brother or not, I’ll fucking kill you.”

He looks past me, I’m sure gaining approval

from my father just before his eyes meet mine once
more. He offers me a wink before he walks out of
the room, a deep chuckle echoing down the hall.

“She’s just a woman, Cyrus,” my father says

nonchalantly as the two men guide me back toward
the chair I had been sitting in. “They are a dime a
dozen and we can even find you a sweet little
brunette that looks like this Blair woman.” I want
to fight back, I want to tell him what a sorry piece
of shit he is, but I know it will only prolong me
getting to Blair. I have to get out of this room and
playing Zeke’s game is the only way to do so.

“I don’t like not being able to complete a job,” I

say as my nostrils flare and my hands shake. “I was
just sampling a little along the way, no harm in that.
Plus wearing her down enough to give me the time
to snoop around worked well. I got off, and she
passed out.” The words felt like acid as I spoke
them.

“Good strategy, boy,” my father states and both

of his men laugh. “But you were thinking with your
dick and unfortunately for you, I don’t like to
wait.”

“You gave me a week.”
“And I changed my mind.”

Chapter Eleven

LAIR

LOCK

my car and spin around only to come face

to face with two men I don’t know. My heart races
as I step back and bump up against the side of my
car. “Hey pretty lady,” the darker haired man says
as he smiles wide. One of his front teeth is half
missing, making him somehow appear even scarier.
“You shouldn’t be outside in a dark parking lot all
by yourself. Didn’t anyone ever teach you to be
more cautious?”

“What do you want?” My voice shakes with

fear as I try to figure out how to get away from
these men. “Here,” I hold out my keys and my
purse, “take them.”

“Ah baby.” I feel sick to my stomach as he

reaches out and skims over my arm with the tip of
his finger. The echo of the other man laughing only
makes me feel more intimidated. “We don’t want
your car or your money.”

I look between the two men and find them both

scanning over me from head to toe.

“I would like to use her back seat, though, for a

little sample.” Bile rises in my throat as tears prick
my eyes. The taller guy with greasy blond hair
reaches down and grips himself suggestively.

“Cool down, Rick,” the man with the broken

tooth says calmly. “Unless you want to be on the
receiving end of my brother's fist, or worse his gun,
I’d remember to keep your hands and your dick to
yourself.”

“Are you telling me we aren’t gonna touch her

even a little bit?”

A tear rolls over my cheek and he glides his

finger along my cheekbone to catch it, before
bringing it to his lips. With his tongue, he tastes the
moisture and again I feel my body tremble with
fear.

“Though I’d love nothing more than to go a few

rounds with Cyrus, I think hurting this girl may lead
him to a place he’s never gone.” I have no idea who
they are talking about, but I find I’m thankful that
he somehow ensures my safety. Or I hope he has.
“It would seem she’s gotten beneath his skin.”

As he says this, he trails the finger over my arm

and along my chest to the exposed space between
my breasts. I’ve never in my life felt so dirty, but
his touch makes my skin crawl.

“My brother seems to be possessed by

whatever it is you’re offering him.” I swallow hard.
“I’ll admit, I’d love a taste too.”

When he smiles wide, all I can focus on is the

empty space where a tooth once was. I need a
place to zero in on, something to keep me from
slipping to the ground and curling into a ball.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” My

voice trembles.

“Cyrus,” he says the name once more, and I

still have no idea who this person is. “I think you
know him as Jake.”

I gasp, then quickly close my mouth as my

vision clouds.

“You see…” He dips his finger lower, tucking it

into the center binding of my bra. I shiver out of
sheer disgust. He, of course, takes it a different
way. A pleased smirk tugs at his lips as he continues
to urge his finger further. “My brother was
supposed to get inside your head and find answers.
But instead, he just got inside your body.”

My stomach twists as my mind goes over his

words slowly.

“So I’m here to finish the job he couldn’t,” he

whispers as he skims over my cheek with his lips.

His breath is horrid, a mixture of cigarettes and
stale alcohol is all I can smell as it fans out over my
face.

“What job?” I ask as I turn my face away from

him.

“I need to know where I can find Nate.” I move

my head quickly as I turn to look at him once more.
“Name ring a bell?” I don’t have to answer him; I
know he already knows everything he needs to
know about me. “Where can I find him?”

“I haven’t seen Nate in more than six months.”
He pulls his hand free from my cleavage and I

feel a sense of relief, but that quickly fades when
the back of his hand connects with my cheek.

“You told Cyrus you wouldn’t mess up her

face.” I close my eyes tightly as more tears fall. The
idea that I’ve been used by Jake, or Cyrus,
whatever the hell his name is, breaks my heart. The
worst part is he knew these men were coming to
finish what he couldn’t.

“Shut up,” the toothless man barks as he grips

my throat tightly and pushes me back hard against
the car behind me. “Listen, bitch,” anger is evident
in his voice, “I need answers. So don’t give me any
of your bullshit. We can do this the easy way or the
hard way. But you should know the hard way is
gonna scar your mind and your body for a
lifetime.”

My lower lip trembles and I’m unable to stop it.

“I only know of a few friends. Maybe a cousin that
he could be staying with.” My throat burns as I try
to whisper the words past the pressure he’s
applying to my throat.

“Now we’re getting somewhere.” He smiles,

and that same stale breath engulfs my senses.

I thought he’d step back, but instead, he simply

loosens his grasp and keeps his body pressed firmly
to mine. He gently shifts his hips on occasion and I
can feel how much he seems to be enjoying the
friction it offers.

I try to stay strong and keep the tears at bay,

but I’m terrified of what they may do next.

I quickly ramble off names and locations of

where I thought Nate may have gone, but I swore I
was being truthful before when I said I hadn’t seen
or heard from him since he walked out my door.

When I’m done and the other guy has jotted

down all the information they need, the man I now
know as Jake’s brother releases his hold on my
neck. Instead of letting me go, he simply lowers his
hand over my shoulder and seeks out my breast.
Cupping me hard, he squeezes and again shifts his
hips against me.

“Normally this would be the moment I break a

woman,” he whispers this smugly and I do all I can
to hold down the bile that is threatening to expel.
“The moment when I show her that I’m in control
and that if she ever spoke of this moment I’d be

forced to end her. It’s my favorite part, really.
Hearing a woman cry for help as I degrade her, as I
humiliate her.”

This man is sick.
“But I did make a promise to my brother.”
I want to run when he carefully steps back then

removes his hand from my chest. I could almost
still feel the pressure of his body against mine. I
know it will be a long time before I can forget the
way it felt.

“Don’t make me regret my loyalty to family.”
Was he serious? Loyalty, family? I want to

laugh in his face, but I know that will only make
things worse.

“I’m sure I’ll be seeing ya around, Blair

Wilkerson, of Two-Twenty Westbrook, Apartment
Twelve-B.” He backs away with a confident smile
and my body sags against the car, slowly sinking to
the ground. I watch, unable to take my eyes off
them as they both turn and walk away. I don’t
move until they are completely gone and all that
remains is silence.

Gathering my keys that had fallen to the ground

in the struggle with Jake’s brother, I stand on shaky
legs and climb inside my car. My hands tremble so
severely that it takes three attempts before I can get
the key in the ignition. It doesn’t matter how hard I
try to hold back the tears; they fall in sheets. My
body shakes with sobs as I drive away from the

parking lot.

My phone vibrates in my purse but I can’t seem

to take my hands off the steering wheel. Somehow
the hard grasp of the leather keeps me from
completely falling apart, like it alone is the last
piece of control that keeps me from crumbling.

I can’t go home; they know where I live, Jake

and those two men. How can he do this? How can
he be part of this crazy game to find Nate? None of
it, nothing about Nate and his choices have
anything to do with my life.

I pull into the parking lot of a gas station and

finally peel my hands from the wheel, my fingers
immediately aching from the hard grasp I’ve held. I
have three missed calls and a number of text
messages, all from Jake, and that alone makes my
vision blur with a new round of tears. I want it to go
away, all of it. I want to forget I know him or that I
ever let him touch me. I want to run, far away
where no one can find me. Terror threatens to
consume me and I force myself to dial Whitney’s
number with trembling hands.

“I thought you had to work?” She doesn’t even

take the time to say hello. “Don’t tell me that Mr.-
Fuck-me-all-day-and-night already tossed you
aside.”

“Whit, I need you.” The words are nothing

more than a whisper, but they gain her full
attention.

“Where are you?”
“Down the road from my apartment at the gas

station on the corner.” I check the area around as
fear strikes that they’d possibly followed me
without me knowing. I double check again that the
doors are locked and all the windows are up.
Scanning over the area around me, I place the car
in drive and rest my foot on the brake. I want to
enhance my chances of escape if they come back.

“Don’t move, Blair,” she says, and I can hear

she is out of breath. “Sadie’s getting her car and
we’ll be right there.”

I nod as if she can actually see me while I

continue to look around me in all directions,
spinning around in my seat from side to side,
looking for any signs of movement.

“Blair.” Whitney says my name in panic.
“I’m here.” I take in a deep breath. “Just hurry,

please.”

Chapter Twelve

AKE

I not been in a room with two armed men and

my father I would have broken free. I’m trapped,
and I feel like I’m going to ignite. I’ve tried more
than half a dozen times to leave and the damage to
my face proves it. I taste blood, can barely see out
of my left eye, and my ribs ache with every breath I
take. But none of these things compare to the pain I
feel inside not knowing what they are doing to
Blair. I vow over and over in my mind that I will
kill each of them and feel no remorse.

The sound of the door opening behind me has

me spinning up and out of my chair to face my
brother and Eddie.

“Damn brother, you look like shit.” Gabe

chuckles as he shakes his head and attempts to
move past me. Only he doesn’t get far before my
fist connects with his jaw and he stumbles back.
I’m on him before he has the chance to register
what is happening. I throw one punch after another;
the shuffle of those behind me as they attempt to
intervene is nothing but a blur.

“I’ll kill you,” I spit. “If you fucking touched

her I will end you.”

Suddenly I’m heaved up and distance is placed

between us as Paul and Brody hold me back.

“Enough.” My father’s voice booms behind us.

“I’ve had enough of this bullshit.”

Gabe wipes at the blood on his lip as he stands

up from the floor. He loves a good fight and only
seems pleased that he’s gotten one from me. He
reaches around and pulls a piece of paper from his
back pocket. “Got four names and four addresses.”

He again moves toward our father and gives me

a smile and a wink. “Blair was more than happy to
help.”

“You fucking…” I hold back my words,

knowing they’ll only inflict more wrath from my
father.

“I think I even heard her purr a time or two.”

Eddie smirks as he shares a look with my brother.
“She ever purr for you, Cyrus?”

“The two of you need to remember one thing.

These two men aren’t gonna be holding onto me
forever.” It’s a warning for him to shut his fucking
mouth and he registers that quickly. I may be the
tamer one of the Gunther men, but I can also
handle shit when it is necessary. I have no problem
destroying them both.

“Will you chill the fuck out, Cyrus?” Gabe

tosses my father the paper. “We talked, she feared
me, but I told her how I wouldn’t upset my brother
by touching her the way I wanted to. And let me
just say I really wanted to touch her.”

My nostrils flare and I fight my anger.
“I’ll admit that I copped a feel or two, because

it was uncontrollable.”

I lunge once more.
“Seriously man, you’ve had that body of hers

laid out before you and you’ve felt the pull she
creates. That woman has a great set on her.” He
places his hands out before him as if he was
squeezing his own tits. “Firm and definitely more
than a handful.”

“I’m gonna kill you.” I mean it, but he doesn’t

buy it.

“You ain’t gonna do nothing once you’re freed

but go chasing after tail trying to explain shit she
ain’t gonna listen to. She knows who you are now,
Cyrus, I explained everything.”

He’s right. I hate to admit it, but my first

instinct is to find her. I need to know she is all right.

She’ll hate me and I know this, but I have to know
that she is safe.

WELL

into the morning hours before I’m

released from my father’s office. He ensures my
brother and Eddie are long gone and some place I
won’t be able to get to them. The bastard actually
thinks I just needed to cool off, that somehow I’ll
get past this.

I won’t. I never will.
I leave the warehouse and climb into my car,

trying again to contact Blair by phone. This time
instead of ringing four times, it goes straight to her
voicemail.

“I need to know you’re okay. You can hate me,

forget I exist, but please tell me you’re okay,” I
plead with her, leaving message after message.

I don’t deserve it, I know I don't, but I feel like

I’m the cause of it happening. I shouldn’t have let
myself get distracted. I should have gone in and
pushed for answers from the start. I would have
been gentler, I would never have hurt her or made
her fear me, but I let my heart get in front of my
head.

I call the bar and find out she hadn’t shown up

for her shift, which I think I already knew. I guess I

was just hoping by some miracle I was wrong.

I drive across the city to her apartment and

though her car isn’t parked outside, I still go inside
her building. I beat on her door for over ten minutes
and call three more times, only to get the same
response. Nothing.

As I sit in my car outside of her building,

adrenaline courses through me at dangerous levels.
Thoughts of going back to the warehouse and
putting a bullet between the eyes of every one of
those bastards runs through my mind on overdrive.
I want the satisfaction of knowing they’ve all paid
for everything they’ve done, now and in the past.

My mind plays out every possible scenario,

every place she could have gone. Then I realize the
information I’m in desperate need of lies in the
hands of one person. One that I still hold power
over.

I tap out a text and wait, bouncing my leg

impatiently with every passing second.

: Where is she?

Sadie: She’s with Whitney and me, please just

leave her alone.

Me: I need to know she’s okay.
Sadie: She’s not. She’s scared and angry. She’s

a mess and I think letting her go is for the best.

Please, you all got what you wanted.

IDEA

that she thinks I want this infuriates me.

: This is the last fucking thing I want. Now tell

me where she is.

Sadie: I can’t. She deserves better.

’

RIGHT

, Blair does deserve better but I’m a

selfish man and I can’t let this go. I also know Sadie
doesn’t have solid ground to stand on because I
have the upper hand when it comes to her. I can
destroy her if I have too, but I don’t want to. I just
need her to give me what I ask.

: You tell me now, or you can explain to her all

the lies you’ve been feeding her for the last year
or more. Your choice.

UBBLES

pop up like she is typing, then stop. A few

seconds pass before they pop up again with an
address.

ADIE

: I’ve never seen her like this, please just do

the right thing and let her go.

SIT

in my car for the next thirty minutes, staring at

the last text she sent. I try to will myself to do as
she asks, but the more time that passes the harder it
is to just remain where I am.

The ride to Whitney’s is a blur; I can’t

remember any of the turns. It’s like I black out, my
mind solely focusing on Blair and me, and the last
time I was with her in her apartment. I want to go
back there, go back to her looking up at me with
those gorgeous blue eyes. I want to see her smiling
as I kiss the tip of her nose, and then her cheeks
and lips.

Before I know it, I am parked outside

Whitney’s building and it hits me hard, knowing
that I’ll never get to see or feel those things with
her again. Our time is over before it even had the
chance to start.

My body hums with fear and a sadness I’ve

never experienced as I climb the stairs and push my
way through the front door. Whitney has a ground
floor apartment and when I reach her door, I pause
just outside it. Leaning in to press my ear against it,
I remain silent. I can hear a television playing, but

other than that, nothing.

I’m not sure how much time has passed before I

gather enough courage to knock on the door. But
the second the door opens all I see is a fireball of
auburn hair rushing toward me. One swing after
another, little fists connect with my already bruised
jaw and ribs.

“You bastard.” Whitney launches herself at me

and Sadie follows behind her. “If I had a gun I’d
kill you myself.”

Sadie does all she can to drag Whitney off me

but I do nothing to stop her. She needs this, hell, I
need this. I feel like I deserve every blow and kick I
get. I take them all, and I’ll continue to just to see
that Blair is okay.

“How could you let them hurt her like that?”

Her words struck something inside me and I grab
her wrists to tame her if even for a second.

“Hurt her?”
“Yes, you son of a bitch,” Her eyes are

reddened and swollen, evidence of hours of crying.
“They touched her and…” She pauses and backs
away from me, jerking her hands free. “Forget it,
you don’t deserve an explanation.”

“You’re right, I don’t deserve it, but I tried to

stop them.” I point to my face. “I was sent in to get
answers but in the process, I fell for her. I let my
guard down and look where it fucking got me. Look
where it got her. I didn’t want any of this to

happen.”

Before Whitney gets the chance to say anything

in response I hear Blair’s voice.

“You need to leave.” I look up to find her

standing in the doorway, with her arms crossed over
her chest tightly. She’s wearing a sweatshirt that
swallows her small frame and a pair of sweats that
appear to be three sizes too big. “They may have
threatened me about not calling the cops, but I’m
telling you if you don’t leave right now, I’m calling
them.”

Her cheek is bruised and visual confirmation

that they did hurt her. I feel like the evidence of
what I already suspected breaks me, like my chest
has literally been cracked open and exposed; it
hurts so much.

I step forward and not only do both girls step in

front of me to block my path, but Blair steps back.
“Please, let me look at you.”

“Just leave me alone.” Her lower lip trembles.

“You all got what you wanted. You got your
answers, but you should know that all you had to
do was ask me. You didn’t have to send your sick
brother and friend to get the answers I would have
given you willingly.”

“I didn’t send them.” I fist my hands at my

sides, fighting the urge to go crazy and push
through the two people who block me. “I did
everything short of being shot attempting to stop

them.”

She doesn’t seem convinced and the fact that

she looks toward the floor instead of at me is like
another kick to the chest.

“Nate owes my father a lot of money,” I finally

say, though I know I shouldn’t even attempt to
explain. Nothing I say is going to change how she
views me and that is hard to accept. But I need her
to know. Even if she no longer cares about me, I
want to assure her that never did I want to see her
hurt.

“He was a dealer for my father, Zeke Gunther.”

Whitney gasps and Blair lifts her head as her gaze
meets mine. “He got careless and started snorting
his stash. He threw parties and supplied everyone
who attended on my father's dime. After he split
and took the remaining amount he had, my father
went crazy. There wasn’t anything or anyone that
was gonna stop him from getting what he was
owed.”

“What in the hell does any of this have to do

with me?” She practically screams the words as she
steps forward and fists her small hands at her sides.

“He needed someone to become a part of your

life and ensure you weren’t hiding Nate.” The more
I explain the more hate is shown for me in her eyes.
“Someone on the inside to get all the information
they could on Nate and what you knew.”

"I don’t know anything.”

“I know and that’s what I’ve been telling

them.” I believe her, I always believed her.

“So having sex with me, all the late night talks

and sweet gestures, those were all part of this
fucking game you were playing in an attempt to
find Nate.” The anger inside her has surfaced as she
takes another step toward me. “I was just a quick
piece of ass to sweeten the deal.”

“No.” I shake my head frantically, feeling panic

rise.

She laughs sadistically. “Yeah, and I should just

believe you because you’ve been so honest with me
from the beginning, right?”

“Blair.” I reach out for her.
“No.” She once again moves further inside the

apartment. “You disgust me, all of you. The way
they touched me, the things they said and assured
me they would do to me.” Blair swallows hard and
shakes her head as if she is attempting to clear an
image from her mind. “You can go back and tell
your father and whoever else you have to report to
that I don’t know where Nate is, and I don’t give a
shit. He’s their problem, not mine.”

“They didn’t…” I pause because I couldn’t

finish the sentence. I’m not sure I want to know the
full extent of what took place. The idea that my
brother or even Eddie may have raped her eats
away at me.

“Whitney was right,” Blair adds as she squares

her shoulders, “you don’t deserve to know.”

I wasn’t the crying type, I have never been. But

right now, the not knowing combined with the pain
in Blair’s eyes and her voice, I feel my eyes burn.
My vision blurs as I close them tightly, trying to
fight the battle I am losing fast.

“There’s nothing more to say,” Blair whispers

and I open my eyes to find that Sadie and Whitney
have now joined her.

“You need to leave now.” Blair starts to close

the door and I call out for her in one last desperate
attempt. Only it does nothing to phase her. The
door shuts and shortly after the sound of the lock
being twisted on the opposite side is the final blow
that throws me over the edge.

Chapter Thirteen

LAIR

’

BEEN

ALMOST

a week since I closed the door on

Jake. Almost a week that I’ve been sleeping on
Whitney’s couch and almost a week of crying
myself to sleep every night. I’ve taken so many
showers I’ve lost count, scrubbing at my skin until
it is an angry shade of pink. Doing everything I can
to try and rid myself of the feelings that day left in
me. Every time I close my eyes I picture Jake’s
brother: the broken tooth, the seedy eyes. I hear the
dirty words he spoke play on repeat in my mind and
sometimes they make me feel like I’m going crazy.

I just want them to stop; I want it all to stop.
It's like a bee buzzing around in my head,

taunting me, making me feel as though at any
moment I’ll feel its sting. I’m afraid to leave
because I am always fearful of seeing them again.
At every turn I imagine them being there to face
me, being unable to escape them, and having them
go through with the threats they made.

I’ve noticed the way Whitney and Sadie look at

me, like at any second I’m going to spiral out of
control and become nothing more than some crazed
lunatic. I’ll admit it I feel it too; I’m barely hanging
on to my sanity, or so it feels.

“Are you hungry?” My body jerks in reaction to

the sound of Whitney’s voice. Instantly I notice the
sadness settle in her eyes. This, my situation, it’s
eating away at her too. “I think you need to go to
the cops.” She sits down at my side as slow and
gentle as possible.

“Tell them what? That Zeke Gunther and his

sons fucked me over in more ways than one?” It
feels so surreal. “I just want to forget about it all.
Forget Jake or Cyrus or whoever he is. I want to
forget that I met him, that I believed him, and let
him touch me.” I curl just a little tighter into the
blanket that surrounds me. “All I want is to find a
place that I can walk outside again and not be
scared of who I’ll face.”

“What are you saying?”
I’ve thought it over, every hour, every minute.

It’s all I’ve thought about. I’ve gone over option

after option in my mind and they all lead me back
to one thing.

“I think I need to start over.” I look up at my

best friend once more and fight against the fear of
the unknown that has been haunting me daily. “I
just don’t think I’ll ever feel safe if I stay here.”

There are a few passing seconds of silence

before Whitney slides in closer to my side and hugs
me tight. “So where are we going?”

“Whit—”
“Don’t even consider the notion that I will let

you leave without me following right behind.” She
smiles at me, real and genuine for the first time in
days.

“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You never asked, which let me say right now

up front how offensive that is.” She bumps her
shoulder playfully against mine. “But laying those
feelings aside, you should know by now that I need
you in my life just as much if not more than you
need me. So there really isn’t any reason for us to
sit here and go back and forth over it. The only
thing left for us to do is decide where we’re going.”

“That’s the thing,” I whisper as I look away

from her. “I don’t know where to go.”

“Home.”
I close my eyes as I feel the threatening tears.

When she says “home” she means hers. But in a
sense, I guess it is mine too. It’s the one place I

always feel like I’m accepted, like I belong.
Whitney’s parents are the only true parents I ever
felt I had. Being raised in foster care wasn’t a
joyous event. Some kids are lucky to be placed with
that loving couple that finds nurturing a child in
need as their calling. My foster parents were not
those people; they were the kind that didn’t ask
you about your day or tell you that you looked
pretty when you spent hours fixing yourself up.
They were distant and the only thing they enjoyed
about sharing their home with me was the check
they received around the first of every month. I
never knew what it felt like to be loved by a parent
until the Flannigans opened their home to me. It
was almost as if they had an adopted daughter they
didn’t need to be paid to love. They just did it
because they were good people.

It made me wonder why Whitney and I ever

decided to leave Iowa. But then at the time we’d
chosen to leave we were two young girls fresh out
of community college thinking that we understood
all there was to know about life. Now here we are,
a few years later, realizing that we knew nothing.

“I think home sounds perfect.”

“ A

you sure you want to do this?” Whitney asks

as she sits in the driver's seat behind the wheel of
her Ford Fusion. “Sadie and I can go in and pack
everything for you.”

“I’m good.” I glance over and give her a

reassuring smile, then take a look over my shoulder
at Sadie and find her watching me closely. I’ve
noticed lately she looks tired, maybe even stressed.
I worry about her, how she’ll fend in the city
without Whitney and me around. Granted, she lived
here long before us, but for the last couple years,
the three of us have always been together.

“But I know that I need you both with me too.”
Sadie places her hand on my shoulder and gives

it a gentle squeeze. “We wouldn’t be anywhere
else.”

After a few more minutes we all climb out of

Whitney’s car and move toward the front door of
my apartment building. This place holds nothing but
bad memories, first with Nate then with Jake.
Every time I think of his name I catch myself. It
isn’t even his name, yet calling him anything else
feels wrong.

I really want to forget this place even exists, but

to do that I need to get all my things and move on.

When I place my key inside the lock and twist

the handle I’m met with the familiar scent of
cinnamon. After Nate left, I did all I could to rid the
place of the smell of his cigarettes, among other
things. Cinnamon candles, potpourri, you name it I

used it.

But as I move through the small space I’m hit

with the memories of my last nights here. Nights
that were spent with Jake, the smiles, and laughter
mixed with the fact that we couldn’t keep our
hands to ourselves. The knowledge that all the
words he spoke were nothing more than lies makes
me feel sick to my stomach. The reality is that he is
a Gunther; that alone speaks for itself. They are
dangerous and know no limits.

I shiver involuntarily as I hear in my mind the

low whisper of his brother's words.

“We don’t have to do this today.” Whitney

steps up to my side, obviously aware of the
discomfort I’m feeling. I can’t miss the concern in
her eyes. “We’ve still got time to clean things up
before we leave.”

We are waiting it out until her lease is up so she

can get her deposit back. Thankfully that is only
another few weeks. I’m not sure I can take much
more than that.

“I’m okay.” I’m not okay, not even close, but I

refuse to let the fear overtake me any more than it
already has. “Let’s just get this over.”

The three of us move around the apartment,

gathering the small number of things I have. I used
to hate that my place always felt so empty. But now
I am thankful; it means I have very little to worry
about moving.

Going back to Ankeny will be a fresh start, or

so I hope. I want to forget everything about
Chicago because nothing good ever came of my
years here. I knew nothing would.

Chapter Fourteen

AKE

RETENDING

to be okay with what my family has

done to Blair is one of the hardest things I’ve ever
had to do. Each time I see my brother or hear his
voice I want to make him pay. I want to destroy
him and make him beg for forgiveness. Then just
when he thinks he’s been granted what he’s
pleading for, I would end it all. All while my father
watches, then I’ll turn on him too.

The anger and need for revenge is eating me

alive. It’s making me no better than them, but it’s
all-consuming and I feel like there is no way out.

That need only grows stronger as I sit in my

vehicle a few cars down from the front entrance of

Blair’s apartment. Watching her and the girls carry
out one box after another of what I assume are her
belongings only makes the emptiness inside me feel
stronger.

I should feel shameful that I’ve been following

Whitney around for days now, but she is my only
connection to Blair’s whereabouts. I’ve held out
hope for the chance to talk to her, only she never
left Whit’s place. Not until today, but she left with
escorts, and I know Whitney, for one, won’t allow
me to get within a foot of Blair.

I also want to hold up my end of the deal and

leave Sadie alone, but again I am selfish. When it
comes to Blair, I can’t.

: Is she moving in with Whitney? Or getting a

different place?

WAIT

, my thumb drumming against the steering

wheel with agitation and impatience. I wait for the
bubbles to appear, only they don’t.

: Have you told her yet about your alter ego?

’

DIRTY

DIG

, but in desperate times, you do

what you have to do.

I look up just as Whitney exits the front doors

of the apartment building carrying a small box in
her hands. She walks toward her car, pops the trunk
and carefully lowers the box inside. When she
closes the trunk, she looks around and for a minute
she pauses staring in my direction. My body tenses
and I slouch down in my seat further, hoping that
the tint on my windows hides me well enough. I’m
not driving my car, but one of my father’s. Having
my pick of his fleet has come in handy because
driving my own vehicle would have announced my
presence.

When she turns back toward the apartment I

feel relief wash over me just as my phone vibrates,
indicating a message.

ADIE

: She’s moving.

AGUE

, and I find myself chuckling as I picture her.

She actually thought I’d be happy with that
response, but she really should know better by now.

: Good start, but I know that already. Where?

GAIN

MET

with a silence that only further

aggravates me. I am just about to send a follow-up
message when the bubbles appear, indicating Sadie
is responding. My patience is thin, not just with
this, but with everything. I’ve been riding on the
edge of igniting for days, humming with rage.

ADIE

: I can’t tell you that.

GRIP

P HONE

TIGHTER

, feeling my chest grow

tight and my breathing become ragged.

: Are you sure about that?

Sadie: Yes.

HAND

on the handle of the car door before I

can comprehend my movements. I step out onto the
sidewalk, my feet moving with purpose. Looking
down at my phone, still held firmly in my hand I
see the bubbles reappear, making me stop in the
middle of the walkway.

ADIE

: Threatening me isn’t gonna work

anymore. You don’t have to tell her what I’ve
done, I’m going to tell her myself. She deserves
better, better than you and better than me. She’s
already been hurt enough.

FEEL

my body sag in defeat as I read over the

words she sent. She’s right, but it doesn’t make
accepting this as the end any easier. I should walk
away and let Blair leave. I should forget her and the
short time we shared. But I can’t. I’ve had a taste
of what the sweet life could be with a girl like Blair
and I want it. Fuck, I want it more than I can
control. It’s like desperation and no matter how
hard I fight it, I can’t rid the desire from my mind.

Now I have to do whatever it takes to get it

back. To get her back and to right the wrongs I’ve
committed.

Chapter Fifteen

LAIR

STAND

in the doorway of my apartment; the only

remnants of anyone ever living here are the bed
and the couch. They are both run down and full of
nothing but moments I want to forget. I don’t want
either of them. I’ll get new ones once I’m settled.

With one last deep breath, I turn around to face

my friends and say goodbye forever to this chapter
of my life. They both smile at me, but I can see
Sadie’s smile is forced and again that bothers me.
There’s been this sadness about her, this emptiness
that makes my heart hurt for her. She’s always been
the girl to make all the wrong choices, the first one
to jump without looking to see the place she’ll land

first. She is sporadic and spontaneous; on most
occasions that gets her into trouble in the end.

But this time is different. Whenever her eyes

meet mine, she looks away, almost like seeing me
hurts too much to bear.

“Are we ready?” Whitney asks as she wiggles

her car keys before her. “Ready to let go of this
black hole and start over?”

“More than ready.” I step toward her and

immediately I’m taken into a hug. Sadie stands
back allowing us our moment, but I refuse to let her
isolate herself. Reaching out I hook her shoulders
with my outstretched arm and pull her in as
Whitney securely holds us all in one big hug.

We share a silent moment before we part and

all walk together toward the elevator. Again Sadie
looks at the ground or toward the wall each time I
attempt to make eye contact. A heavy weighted
feeling hangs in my chest, a fear I can’t quite
explain.

When we step outside and begin descending

toward the sidewalk, she slowly fades away until
there are more than a few feet between us.

Reaching the passenger side of the car I notice

her, paused at the bottom of the stairs, her eyes
searching the street from one side to the next. Her
hands are held out before her as she continues to
wring them nervously.

“Sadie.”

Her body actually jerks in surprise to the sound

of my voice. Her gaze lifts to see my own and that’s
when I see it. Her eyes are reddened and glossy, her
lower lip trembling uncontrollably. Whitney is the
first to move toward her, only Sadie holds out her
hands, shaking them frantically, her head whipping
from side to side.

Both Whitney and I begin searching the streets

too, looking for what may have frightened her
somehow.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Sadie cries out as she

hangs her head in defeat.

“Do what?” Whitney and I share a confused

look, and the longer we stand there the worse my
stomach tenses. Something is wrong; I’ve never
seen Sadie act this way. She looks lost, scared even.

“I’m sorry, Blair.” When she lifts her head up

and her gaze meets mine, I feel like my stomach
drops to the ground at my feet. “I just wanted to try
it once, I thought it’d be a wild experience. I never
expected to get the hook after just one try.”

Even though I suspect I know what she is

referring to, I refuse to believe it. Sadie isn’t that
stupid.

“I showed up at your place and you weren’t

home yet. Nate was sitting around with a couple
guys and when they offered I didn’t say no.”

“Sadie,” Whitney whispers her name but she

doesn’t take her eyes from me. I can already see it

in her eyes that there’s more.

“It all happened so fast.”
“What did?” My shoulders and back are tense.

I think I may have even been holding my breath.

“It’s almost like I closed my eyes for only a

second and when I opened them it was already
over.” I can visibly see her throat bob as she
swallows hard. “I should have stopped it then, but I
couldn’t. I needed more and he offered it to me.”

“But there was a price, wasn’t there?” The sour

feeling in my stomach makes my mouth water as I
try to fight off the nausea. “Something other than
money?”

She nods.
“So not only are you a junkie, but you’re a

whore too.” She flinches at my words, and maybe
they are harsh, but here I am looking into the eyes
of one of my best friends and she is telling me
something I never thought I would ever hear from
her. “You fucked my boyfriend to get a free high.”
Tears fall over her cheeks. “Then you pretended to
be my friend. Every time you were with us, you
acted as though you weren’t screwing each other
behind my back.”

“It was like I couldn’t control it.” She sobs as

she steps toward me. “I’m sorry Blair, but I can’t
keep up this charade. I can’t keep getting threats of
outing me, making me do things I don’t want to
do.”

“What?” I narrow my eyes at her as my voice

rises a few notches. “What do you mean threats?”

A few very long seconds of silence pass

between us, my irritation only growing stronger and
deeper.

“What aren’t you telling me?”
“The fact that we walked into Miller’s that

night, or that you ended up with a job there was not
a coincidence.” I feel like she kicked me hard in the
stomach and I was now looking at a complete
stranger. “When I got involved with Nate, I also got
involved with Gabe.”

“Gabe who?”
“Cyrus’ brother.” An uncontrollable sob

escapes me. “They threatened me, but I never once
thought they would hurt you, Blair. That wasn’t
part of the deal. Had I known—”

“How could you not have known that they’d

hurt me? They are awful people, Sadie—cruel,
cold, and vengeful people.” She tries to stop my
rant but I lunge at her only to be caught by
Whitney. “You threw me to the wolves, you stupid
bitch.” My words echo off the buildings around us.
“You were all part of this sick game to destroy me
and you want forgiveness?”

“Blair…” Whitney attempts to control my

outrage but at this point, nothing will stop it. This is
days of fear and terror, days of anger and
frustration all being poured at the feet of a person I

thought I could trust.

A person who violated me right alongside of

Gabe Gunther and his sidekick, even if she wasn’t
present. She played her hand in this sick game.

“Fuck you, Sadie.” She hangs her head and has

the nerve to appear hurt by my words. “I loved
you, I trusted you.” I took in a deep shuddering
breath.

“Blair.” This time it isn’t Whitney or even Sadie

that says my name. It is a deep baritone, one that at
one time I longed to hear as it whispered in my ear
in the darkness of my bedroom. But that time is
over. The only thing Jake reminds me of now is a
time I just want to forget.

I twist in Whitney’s arms and find him standing

only a few feet away. I relax in Whitney’s embrace,
but only long enough to gain the strength I need to
break free. It happens so fast, my body jerks, her
arms part, and Jake reaches out for me when he
sees me coming. Only there is no acceptance of his
offer, only my hand connecting with his cheek.

The contact stings the palm of my hand, his

head jolting to the side.

“I hate you,” I scream, my throat burning as the

words rip through me. “Both of you!” I take in a
ragged breath, finally relaxing back into Whitney’s
waiting arms. “I hate all of you.” My body shakes
as silent sobs rush through me. I’m unable to stop
them as the reality of my life and where it’s led me

hits me hard.

I allow Whitney to hug me tight as she leads me

toward the passenger side of her car. Once I am
safely tucked inside, she closes the door and turns
to face Jake and Sadie as they still remain frozen in
the places I’d left them. I can hear her muffled
words, but they aren’t clear enough to distinguish. I
just know that whatever it is she is saying causes
Sadie to crumble to the ground beneath her. Her
legs just give out and she sits down on the last step
that leads up to the place I once referred to as
home. The truth is, though, it was never truly a
home and now it was more tainted then before.
How can one place hold so much heartache?

I look away from Sadie because a part of me

suddenly feels as though she may have been
genuine in her plea for forgiveness. I’m not ready
to accept yet that what she’s done to me may have
possibly been out of her hands.

In doing so, my stare settles on a man who not

too long ago seemed so strong and so sure. Jake
looks smaller now, not literally, but the feeling I’d
once had when looking at him was no longer
present. Seeing him reminds me of the things I’d
gone through that night outside the bar. I hate that
even the good memories I had of him are now
destroyed by that one single action.

I have to look away because my heart is too

weak. For a split second, I let myself see the hurt in

his eyes. The worst part about it is that space inside
me, the one that once believed he and I could be an
us, wants to go to him.

My head and my heart are so confused, and I

just need to get away.

I have to let go, I have to let it all go.

Chapter Sixteen

AKE

SIT

across the table from two men that if I’d met

in a dark alley, I’ll admit I may have feared them.
They are both built; fuck that, they are stacked
more than anyone I’ve ever met before. I am not a
small guy. At 6’ 2”, my stance is broad and
intimidating. But these two, hell they even scare
me.

“How do we know this is truly what you want?”

the larger of the two asks with a narrowed stare.
“Why should we believe that this entire plea of
yours isn’t your way of creating a distraction?
Maybe you’re all in this game together attempting
to play us for fools.”

“The only thing I can give you is my word.”
The other man scoffs at my comment.
“I’ve lived in hell since the day I was born, and

I just want out. I may be a Gunther but I’m nothing
like any of them.” I lean forward, resting my
elbows on the table as I stare between the two of
them, refusing to be intimidated. “What I can tell
you for a fact is that either you bring them down, or
I kill every motherfucker in there myself. One by
one.”

The bigger man lounges back in his chair and

crosses his arms over his chest.

“You decide,” I add, still staring at each of

them.

“You’re okay with the fact that every member

of your family will be brought down?” I nod,
waiting for them to say what I need to hear. “You’ll
be forced to go undercover, to gather all we need
on them, to ensure they are put away for good.” I
shrug this time because I’ll do whatever it takes.

“We have a long rap sheet on every one of your

sorry asses, but I’ll admit yours is thin and weak.” I
can see a trace of a smile tugging at the corner of
the prick’s mouth.

“I told you I’m not like them, and I want out.”
The door behind the two of them opens and two

other men step inside. They are in black suits,
serious looking fuckers with badges hanging from
their waistbands.

I stood outside Blair’s apartment building in the

same place she left me long after she was gone. The
sound of Sadie crying at my side didn’t even phase
me. All I could see was the sadness in Blair’s eyes,
the heartbreak that I was partially responsible for,
and it gutted me. I gathered Sadie in my arms, and
she gave me no resistance as I carried her to the car
I’d arrived in. She curled into herself, turning away
as I started the car and drove her to her apartment.
Once she was safely inside, I drove across town,
parked the car outside my place, and hailed a cab.

Now here I sit inside the police station with not

one but four detectives standing in front of me and
I’m offering them the chance to bring down the
biggest crime lord in their city. The things my father
is responsible for, the hatred and destruction he’s
inflicted on many, have rocked this city. But I feel
no remorse for laying out this plan before them. I
feel nothing for my father or my brother. Nothing
for the woman who stands behind a man like Zeke
Gunther. They are all dead to me.

“You only have one family, son,” the older man

who entered only moments ago says as he steps up
to the side of the table. I lift my gaze and meet his,
hoping he can see that I am completely void of any
type of emotion toward those I want to destroy.

“They aren’t my family. They took the family I

could have had and destroyed it.” I fist my hands
on the table as I picture Blair’s smile in my mind.

“Now I want them to pay for what they cost me.
Either you help me make that happen, or I’ll do it
alone. One way or another they will fall.”

“Okay, Cyrus, looks like we got some work to

do.” The two men across from me stand, and I
follow suit.

“There’s only one thing I need from you all.” I

see those I knew it looks on all their faces as they
wait for me to continue. “Don’t ever refer to me as
Cyrus, it’s Jake. No Cyrus, no Gunther, just Jake,
got it?”

Smiles slowly creep across each of their mouths

and I know when they get it. They understand my
need for revenge and justice.

I’m not the same as my family; I’m not cut out

for this type of life.

“ D

you take care of the problem?” My father

asks Gabe as he enters the warehouse, wiping his
hands on a cloth he’d pulled from his back pocket.
Red smears from his fingers are left on the light-
colored material and it makes my stomach ache
with sympathy for whomever the blood belonged
to. Most likely a desperate soul who got wrapped
up in the ugly part of my father's world and
couldn’t find a way out.

“Problem has been rectified.” Gabe smiles in

that sadistic way of his and it takes all I have not to
jump up and pound his face until I ensured he’d
never smile again. But I can’t cross that line; I have
to remain calm. Collecting all the information I can
about the operations behind the Gunther name is
the only thing that will bring this all to an end.

It is the key to my freedom.
“Good.” My father’s response is followed by a

click as he lights his cigar.

There are always those trigger points in life,

times you are reminded of what you otherwise may
have forgotten. A familiar place, the taste of
something you’ve had before; you just know it, yet
can’t remember exactly when or even where. Or in
my case the recognizable scent of a Cohiba Cuban
cigar. But the scent alone never brought good
memories of my childhood, only the nightmares
that were inflicted whenever we were out of line.
My father had no problem putting them out on
Gabe or me whenever he felt we needed to be
reminded of our place in his world. I had many
scars across my back to prove this.

“Eddie is disposing of the evidence now.” I try

my best not to react to the fact that my brother is
talking so casually about the death of another
human. At his hands, no less, and the saddest part
of all is that I know there were many more before
him.

“We located Nate.” I turn in the chair to look

back at my father. “He’s been shacked up with
some strung out princess in Bolingbrook. They’ve
been using up the product he so eagerly ran off
with and living off the poor girl's grandparents.”

He says this like he actually has a conscience

and feels for the elderly couple.

“We’ve been scoping out the place, waiting for

the perfect time to move in.”

“What do you plan to do with him?” I ask as I

lean over and rest my elbows on my knees. “It’s
not like you’re gonna get the money or drugs out of
him.”

My father stares at me, lifting his cigar once

more and puffing on the end before lowering it. I
never thought it possible for any person to hate
their parent as much as I hated Zeke, but I can
assure you it is. What kind of person imagines
killing their own dad a hundred different ways?
Because that shit rolls around in my mind daily,
hourly even, each method becoming more violent
and vengeful than the last.

“I think this will be the perfect time for you to

see just how we handle those who cross us, Cyrus.”
I try to hide the cringe I feel when he says my first
name. It is a name chosen by him, and when this is
all said and done, I will never be referred to as
Cyrus again. “Since you have somewhat of a
personal connection to this situation, I’d say it’s

only right you handle the man that once bedded the
girl you seem so fond of.”

My hatred for my father was overpowering.
“How is our sweet Blair doing these days?”

Gabe rings in from my side and without even taking
the time to look at him I know he wears a smirk on
his lips. He always did, that cocky arrogance my
father had bestowed on him after years of
convincing him he was invincible. The dumb ass
isn’t smart enough to figure out Zeke will tell him
anything if he continues to be his bitch. “I swung
by her place a couple of days ago, but she didn’t
answer her door.”

I turn my head just slightly, enough to meet his

stare and instead of attacking him, which is what I
truly want to do, I gave him a matching stare. The
corner of my lip lifting, giving the impression that
his words don’t affect me in the slightest.

“Tomorrow evening, you and Gabe are gonna

take a little drive,” my father continues, ignoring
the way my brother and I simply stare at one
another waiting for the other to break or react.
“Eddie and Squeak will follow. I want you all to
scope out the area, then I want you to bring that
sorry ass back to me. I don’t care who gets in your
way, do whatever it takes.”

Chapter Seventeen

LAIR

FTER

ADIE

SHARED

the secrets she’d been

guarding, Whitney and I decided to leave sooner. It
no longer mattered to her that she would be
violating her lease. We knew that staying in
Chicago would only continue to weigh heavy on
both of us. Sadie may have violated the friendship
between her and me, but in doing so she’d violated
Whitney too.

I know we both felt devastated.
We’ve been back in Iowa for a little over a

week and in that short time, I’ve been able to find
that strength inside of me that I once held. That
strength finally gave me the courage to push Jake

and even any lingering thoughts of Nate out of my
life for good. That same strength helped me push
through the weeks that followed until I found level
ground once again. That was until Jake shook the
surface beneath my feet and screwed it all up once
again.

I’d love to say that when I left Chicago I was

also able to leave everything that had to do with
that man behind, but I can’t. I wish I could say that
the miles between us now made forgetting him
easier, but I can’t say that either. Jake didn’t just
crush my soul by violating my trust. He didn’t just
use me to get answers for his warped father. He left
a life-altering mark on my life, a mark that I would
now hold forever.

Every morning, I’m reminded of our short time

together. There is no longer the possibility of
forgetting he even existed. That fantasy, that wish,
is long gone.

Swoosh, swoosh. I close my eyes tightly when

the sound fills the room. Whitney stands at my side,
holding my hand tightly in hers as I lie back, both
my feet firmly planted in the stirrups before me.

“That’s your baby’s heartbeat.” I take in a

deep, shuddering breath when the technician
confirms what the three tests I’d taken just
yesterday had read. “You are only about five to six
weeks along, but the heartbeat is strong.”

I open my eyes and turn my head toward

Whitney, a tear running over my cheek in the
process as it drips to the surface beneath me. She
forces a smile, but I know her well enough to
understand what she’s thinking. It’s the same thing
I fear.

Fear of the Gunther family finding that I’m now

carrying one of their heirs. The terror that one day
my child would be trapped in a life of hell.

“With the information you’ve provided about

your last period, and the measurements I’ve taken,
I’d say that puts the conception date somewhere
between April seventeenth to April nineteenth.”

Again I close my eyes tightly, knowing she is

dead on. That was the time that Jake and I were
locked away in my apartment together. The days
right before it all went straight to hell.

“Congratulations, how exciting.” Is it? I think

as I look toward the tech just as she holds out a
curling strip of paper. When I take it from her I
twist it around so I can look at the images, and my
heart feels as though it seizes in my chest. I feel
ashamed that only moments ago I’d actually wished
this was all nothing more than a dream, or a
nightmare even. The hazy black and white photo
softens the regret I feel. My baby, though at this
point it barely resembles an infant, more of a blob
really, is all I can see at that moment. Mine. I vow
right then and there to protect him or her from the
life of their father. No way will I ever allow them to

be a part of that dark world I left behind in
Chicago.

“Thanks,” I whisper as I stare at the image,

unable to peel my eyes away from it. My heart
beats rapidly as my chest grows tight. The pain I
feel from reality is overwhelming. But I can’t regret
this, I won’t allow it. I’ve known what it feels like
to be tossed aside, I’ve lived that life. One where
my parents didn’t care for me the way a parent
should. I won’t repeat history, but instead, I will
learn from it and vow never to let my child feel as
though they aren’t wanted.

“A new start,” I whisper to no one in particular,

but more of a statement to myself. When Whitney
squeezes my hand in hers and repeats the words in
her own whisper, I know she gets it. This baby,
though he or she is unplanned, is a sign of a new
beginning for me. One I’ll treasure and love
unconditionally. From this day forward, I will do
everything I can to give my child a life full of so
much love they never once feel the absence of their
father.

“ D

you wanna talk about it yet?” Will, Whitney’s

oldest brother sits down on the couch beside me
and stares at me with his arms crossed over his

chest. “Because I know the story about not
knowing who the father is was nothing more than a
lie. That isn’t who you are, Blair.”

“How do you know?” I challenge him with an

arch of my brow and though he tries to remain
serious and in control, he falters. A grin tugs at the
corner of his mouth and he averts his stare for a
few seconds before looking back up at me. We both
grin wide and he bumps his shoulder with my own.

Will is like the big brother I never had. He is

even more protective than Whitney. He’s always
been the guy to scare off any boy who tried to date
us, terrify those who slid under his radar, and
ensured they understood he was watching. I love
the guy and know that no matter what, he’d serve
as a male role model for my child without me even
asking. So will Warner, who is the middle child in
the Flannigan family. Both guys are happily
married, and Will has a child of his own. Will is an
investment banker and Warner is on the police
force for Polk County.

They are both stand-up guys, great family men,

and I feel lucky that they consider me family.

“It was a mistake—the guy, not the child. I will

never consider my baby an accident, more of a
blessing really.” He doesn’t have to ask questions
as to what my words mean; he knows the details of
my life too. “Let’s just say that the guy doesn’t
come from the greatest family and the idea of my

son or daughter being brought up in that
atmosphere is something I can’t allow.”

“Does he know about the baby?” I shake my

head. “Are you gonna tell him?”

I let his question roll around in my mind, and I

know that part of my decision may seem selfish to
some. But I can’t take a chance, I have to keep my
child and myself safe.

“I just want to live by the story I gave you. The

one where I went to bed one night and woke up the
next morning pregnant. You know, kind of like a
kiss from an angel or something, that’s what I’m
sticking to.”

He stares at me, scanning over my face for a

few seconds as if waiting for me to show any signs
of sadness. But I told myself I’m done with that
time. I’m home now, safe with those who love me. I
left behind the darkness and hate the moment we
saw the Welcome to Ankeny, Iowa sign. It’s over, it
has to be.

“Is this guy dangerous?” If he asked me that a

month ago I would have said only to my libido, but
now I’m not so sure. “Should any of us be
worried?”

“No, nothing like that.” The last thing I want is

for Warner to go snooping around into the life of
the Gunthers. It may trigger a panic alert and I
don’t want any of those people to get wind of
where it is I’ve disappeared to. “His family is just

controlling and judgmental, and I found that he
wasn’t the sweet guy I thought he was. Turns out
he’s a real ladies’ man and I wouldn’t doubt that
I’m not the only woman running around with a Jake
bun in the oven.”

He narrows his eyes.
“Really, I’m fine.” I feel my hands grow

clammy. “I’m where I should be, surrounded by a
great support system. This baby is gonna have so
much love and that to me is almost perfect.” I want
this subject to be forgotten, but I have a feeling
they will all be watching me closely for months to
come.

“When are you and Whitney supposed to get

the keys to your new place?” I am thankful he got
the hint and feel relieved that the subject of my
child’s father is now past.

“Saturday morning.” I feel happy once again

over our next move—a three-bedroom, two bath
townhouse, move-in ready. It helps to have a
connection with a kick-ass Realtor

in the area.

Whitney’s mom has worked the real estate field
since she was nineteen and with her help, we
landed the perfect place not far from the
Flannigan’s homestead, with the best price. Things
are looking up for us, and I know that her family
won’t allow us to fall. They are great that way,
loving, and supportive no matter what the
circumstances may be.

“Marcy’s parents are downsizing and she

managed to reserve a truckload of stuff for the two
of you before they donated it or sold it to someone
else.” My heart feels as though it grows in my
chest. This is what I’m talking about, that love and
support. “She snatched up a living room set,
kitchen table, and chairs. I know she said there was
some kitchen ware too, but I can’t vouch for what
exactly that means.”

Before I can stop myself, I wrap my arms

around his neck and pull him in for a hug.

“Your wife is amazing, but then again I’d

expect nothing less because you're pretty great
too.” He hugs me in return, giving me a sense of
security I am in desperate need of but will never
ask for. “Don’t let that go to your head though.”

“I won’t,” he replies with a chuckle. “I already

know it to be true, so it’s not like you announcing it
is a surprise.”

I roll my eyes but still hold him close. I guess I

just need a little comfort. I am scared, terrified
even, of the future. I’m going to be a mom, the life
of an innocent child will be soon placed in my
hands, and my biggest fear is that in some way I’ll
damage them. I have absolutely no idea how to be a
mother, how to guide someone to make the right
choices…because I’ve spent my life making all the
wrong ones.

Chapter Eighteen

AKE

HINGS

ARE

STRESSED

, tempers are flaring and I’m

hanging on the edge of sanity. The more time I
spend in the presence of my brother, my father, and
their men, the darker I feel my soul growing.

Nate has once again disappeared, like he fell off

the face of the earth. No one around me
understands how that can happen without some
type of a trace, but I know. He’d been taken from
the home he shared with the strung-out girl and her
grandparents and placed in protective custody.
They all had no idea that the moment they became
a part of his life their safety had been compromised
too.

Acting surprised, pissed even that the house

was empty when we showed up to retrieve my
father’s prize was difficult at first. But I’ll admit it,
my acting skills have really come a long way. I’m
getting used to pretending to be as evil as them,
learning to play dirty and not care. It’s almost
natural now. I think it has a lot to do with the fact
that my chances for happiness are gone. Blair is
gone, Whitney is gone, and Sadie is so lost that
she’s wasting away to nothing and refuses to give
me even the slightest hint as to where they may be.

I sleep at the warehouse, but only so I can

gather as much dirt against all of them as I can.
Being trapped so close to them comes with a price.
Whores, drugs, and more always surround me.
Screams in the night of both pleasure and pain are
the things that fill my head. I can sense the man I
want to be slipping fast, the good inside me growing
black with each passing day.

I lie in the darkness, staring up at the ceiling

above, picturing Blair in my mind. She is the only
piece of good I can hold onto. Though with each
passing day it grows harder, her smile is my escape.
The way she looked up at me through those long
lashes of hers, trying to hide the flush of
embarrassment she’d get often, her sweetness and
that quiet nature she held haunt me, but in a good
way. Somehow in my mind, I’ve convinced myself
that maybe one day I’ll see her again and get

another chance. But in reality, I know I’ve lost her;
she’ll never look at me again and see the man I
want to be for her. I will only remind her of sorrow
and of that night when Gabe went to her.

The softness of a hand running over my thigh

causes my eyes to flutter shut. I know it isn’t Blair,
I’m not that far gone yet, but pretending seems to
help. I remain still, allowing the girl to take me in
her hand and slowly glide her fist up and down. I
fight to get hard, forcing myself to believe this is
my beautiful girl, the one I crave. I imagine we’re
back in her apartment; though I know her touch
and this isn’t even close, I force myself to believe.

Reaching out I grab the back of the girl’s head

and guide her to my cock. A soft moan escapes her
just before she takes me in her mouth. I need to
keep her from talking; if she does, any hope of my
release will be gone.

It is a dick move, really, but it is also what the

girls are here for. They know it, and they thrive on
it. Each stroke of her tongue, followed by the
feeling of me hitting the back of her throat, pushes
me closer to the end. Keeping a firm grip on her
hair, ensuring she has no opportunity to say even a
word, I continue to thrust my hips upward.

Blair’s eyes are all I can see. Though I know if

it were her here with me, I wouldn’t be acting as I
am now.

My thighs tighten, my stomach tenses, and I

bury my cock in this girl’s mouth as the need to
come hits me hard. With my chin tilted upward, my
fist gripping her hair tight, “Blair…” falls from my
lips in a whisper. Even through the pleasure of my
release, I feel the ache of her absence hit me so
fucking hard it leaves me feeling sickened by my
choices.

The very second the reality of the situation hits

me I feel dirty and disgusted with myself. Releasing
my hold on the girl, I turn onto my side and run my
hand over my face. When she reaches out to touch
my hip and makes a pleased sound, I push her
away.

“Get out,” I bark, hoping she doesn’t push for

more. I need her gone; I need the last five minutes
to be erased from my mind. Hell, I need it all gone.

STAND

in line at the liquor store, playing the part I

am directed to play. With a bottle of whiskey in one
hand and a case of beer under the opposite arm, I
stare straight ahead, showing no reaction to the
man talking in a low tone behind me.

“Tonight’s the night,” Detective Farris says as

he holds alcohol in his own hands, also waiting in
the long line. We can’t take the risk of talking on
the phone or me going into the station. Instead, we

are nothing more than two men seeking out
tonight's refreshments, or so it seems.

“We need you to go in as usual, just a party as

normal. We’ve got the place wired, thanks to you,
and we’ll arrive when we feel it’s our best chance
to attack.”

I’ve been waiting for this for weeks. Six weeks

and three days to be exact.

“It ends tonight, Jake.”
I nod as I step forward and place my items on

the counter. I’ve grown fond of the men I’ve been
working with over the past weeks; they are pretty
badass, I can’t deny that. Even though they ride on
the right side of the law, they aren’t afraid to get
dirty if the situation calls for it. Tonight I know I’ll
see them in true action and the adrenaline that
courses through me makes my hands shake. It’s
time for revenge, time to bring my family down,
and I’m about to get a front row seat to the
destruction.

I pass money to the clerk, retrieve my change,

and gather my items, all while showing no sign of
the conversation that has just taken place. I don’t
even look back over my shoulder when I exit the
liquor store. I can’t take that chance. I walk toward
the SUV waiting at the curb and climb inside,
looking over at Gabe. I have a vision of my fist
connecting with his face as blood splatters me, and
I smile at him. He, of course, takes it as some form

of brotherly love and holds out his hand in some
type of fist bump invite. I make sure to hit it with
my own, a little harder than necessary, when I
accept his gesture.

“Tonight we get fucked up and party,” he says

while placing the vehicle in drive. “Tomorrow we
crack heads and work on finding the sorry fuck that
needs to bleed.” I turn away from him to hide my
sneer and stare at the front of the liquor store I just
exited. Just then the front door comes open and out
walks Farris with his shades on. He offers me a
simple nod just as we pull away from the curb.

I’m ready. In fact, I’m more than ready.
Within a few hours, the warehouse is swarming

with men and women. I sit back, pretending to be a
part of the party, nodding when I’m spoken to,
laughing even though I don’t find any humor in
their snide remarks or recaps of the horrid stories
they all have to share.

My father sits on the opposite side of the room,

a young girl at his side and a brunette on his lap.
My mother knows of his extracurricular activities
with these women, but she has always turned a
blind eye. They’re both sick fucks and I wouldn’t
put it past her that, in the past, she has taken part.
My family is fucking warped, of that there is no
doubt.

It’s just before midnight when I hear a ruckus

taking place near the entryway of the warehouse.

Suddenly the doors burst open and in rushes a
swarm of agents, all carrying guns. Chaos is the
only way to describe the scene as everyone
scatters, trying to search for the nearest escape. But
there isn’t any, because the FBI and S.W.A.T.
teams are coming from every angle.

I look toward my father, noticing he hasn’t

moved. Instead, he still sits on the couch, looking
straight at me. Had I been a weaker man, I possibly
would’ve feared the hate in his eyes. He knows,
I’m sure of that now.

A shot rings out and I look to my left just in

time to see Gabe ducking down a hallway that leads
to the garage, the same garage that holds not one
but six of the large vehicles my father keeps on
hand. The idea of him getting away is something I
can’t allow. After all, he is the one I want to see
pay the most.

I search out the room and the minute I find

Farris, I can see he registers my intentions. I ignore
the shake of his head as he attempts to silently
warn me. My legs are moving before I have the
chance to think twice and I run down the long
hallway after Gabe.

Reaching around to the back of my pants I pull

out the gun I safely tucked there hours ago. My
hands shake as I move it around to the front of me,
but not from fear. This was one of the very few
times I was thankful to be tied to the family I was

tied to. I learned long ago, even before realizing
what my family did, how to handle a firearm.

As I enter the garage my brother spins around

to face me, and instantly looks relieved to see its
only me.

“Come on.” He waves me on as he moves

around the side of the black Escalade. I use his
trust in me to my advantage and close the distance
between us, still firmly gripping my gun in my
hands.

Just as I step up behind him, I press the barrel

of the gun to the back of his head and he freezes. I
can visibly see his shoulders rise and fall as he
takes one deep breath before slowly turning around
to face me. I’m careful not to allow him the
advantage to gain control of the situation. With the
gun now pressed to the center of his forehead, his
stare is locked with my own.

“Did you remove the safety, brother?” That

cocky smug look of his returns as he watches me
closely.

“Why don’t you make a move and find out?” I

dare him to test me. All I need is one shift and I’ll
claim self-defense. I want him to pay for what he’s
done and prison, in my eyes, isn’t a harsh enough
punishment for my brother.

He chuckles, but I can sense the nervousness in

the sound and I find that to be satisfying. I want his
fear, I crave it.

“I told you if you touched her I would kill you.”

My nostrils flare when he smiles wider and has the
nerve to lick his lips as if he is reliving the memory
of the night he attacked Blair.

“Yet here I am, still breathing.” He lifts his

hands up and holds them out to his sides as if to say
Bring it on. “You always have been weak, Cyrus.”

At the mention of my given name, I hold the

gun a little tighter against his head.

“I think you have that wrong, brother, you’re

the weak one. Always willing to do everything he
told you to whenever he demanded it. You’ve been
his bitch your entire life, needing the approval of
your daddy.” His smile falls from his lips and is
suddenly replaced with a matching look of anger. “I
never needed his encouragement. I’ve been a man
on my own and I think you know that. You just
couldn’t stand that I was strong enough to stand
without him. I didn’t need him holding me up.”

“Fuck you.” Spittle flies from Gabe’s mouth in

a moment of pure anger. “You don’t know
anything.”

“I know that you crossed a fucking line when

you went after Blair, a line that can never be
mended.” My hands shake, and I want nothing
more than to pull the trigger. I want to see his
lifeless body crumble to the floor and lie in a pool
of his own blood. Blood I’m responsible for
shedding.

“Lower the gun, Jake.”
I don’t have to turn around to know it is

Detective Farris who’s entered the room. I watch as
Gabe looks past me.

“He’s already taken enough from you, they all

have. Don’t give any of them the power to take
anything more.”

“Pull the trigger, brother,” Gabe dares me.

“You’re a Gunther, it doesn’t matter how hard you
try to deny it. You’re dirty.” He pushes his head
harder against the barrel of the gun. “Pull the
fucking trigger, you coward.”

The urge to do just that hits me hard. But then

in that last few seconds of clarity, I see her eyes
staring up at me with nothing but hope. Hope that I
am the man I portrayed myself to be, hope that I
want her and need her as much as she does me.

I pause, but only for a second before I twist the

gun and crack the butt of it against my brother’s
skull. I watch with satisfaction as Gabe topples to
the floor, a trickle of blood dripping from the
contact point and rolling along his temple. It may
not be the destruction I want to inflict on him, but it
will have to be enough.

I refused to be the man he tried to convince me

I was.

Part Two

One Year Later

Chapter One

LAIR

COVER

EYES

, and wiggle around as I sit in the

center of my living room floor. If there was anyone
actually watching it might appear I’d lost my mind,
but I don’t care. I love these times when it’s just me
and Isabelle, enjoying one another. It’s the best.

My sweet little girl was born five months and

two days ago. That by far was the greatest night of
my life. Though it took many hours, and a whole lot
of excruciating pain, to get her here, I can honestly
say it was worth every single second. She was, is,
and always will be my greatest accomplishment.
Her sweet little face brings me both joy and
sadness, because even though I try to ignore her

resemblance to her father, it is impossible. From the
very second they placed her against my chest and I
looked at her puffy little cheeks and lips I knew
there was no denying who had helped create her.
She was a replica of her daddy and with each day
that passes, she grows to look like him even more.

Whitney sees it, I know. I could read it on her

face as she stood by my side in the hospital room.
She reached out, placed her hand on my shoulder,
and together we cried, a mixture of love and
anguish.

I know deep down, even though I hate him for

the lies he told, there will always be a special place
in my heart for Jake. Because he gave me my
daughter and that is a gift I can never forget.
Isabelle is my world. She’s the reason I get up
every single morning and push myself to be even
better than I was the day before. She gives me
motivation, she gives me purpose, she’s my angel.

“Boo,” I say, just as I pull my hands away from

my eyes and lean in toward her. Immediately she
starts to kick her chubby little legs and throw her
hands out before her. A loud happy squeal falls
from her lips that makes me laugh too.

“She could break glass with that squeal.”

Whitney rounds the couch and flops down on the
cushion, doing her best not to spill her coffee in the
process. She smiles almost proudly as she stares
down at Isabelle, and I can see the love she holds

for my daughter. My little girl isn’t just my new
start, she’s Whitney’s too. We are a trio, a team.
She shares the duties of taking care of my baby, she
babysits happily when I can’t be here, and when we
are both called to work, Isabelle is with Aunt
Marcy or Granny B, Whitney’s mother. Iz is
surrounded by a full, loving family and I take peace
in knowing that she has each and every one of them
on her side.

There is a part of me, hidden deep down that I

don’t talk about, that wishes more than anything
things could’ve been different. Wishes that Jake
was the man he pretended to be. I believe that guy
could’ve been a great father to our daughter. In the
short time we were together, he managed to make
me feel that we could’ve been so happy. Then in
the blink of an eye that image was destroyed.

“What time do you work today?” Whitney asks

around a yawn just before lifting her coffee cup to
her lips. She stayed out late last night with her guy
and stumbled in just after five this morning. Serves
her right for pulling an all-nighter when she knew
she had a long day today.

“I go in at two.” I try to hide my smile as I lean

in to kiss Isabelle’s cheek, making her laugh all
over again. “You have a double today, right?”

“Yes,” she groans out and Isabelle twists her

little body, tilting her head up in search of her
favorite auntie. “If I didn’t blow half my paycheck

just last night I would so call in sick today.”

“Did you really need a new outfit with

matching shoes and purse to go on a date with a
guy who couldn’t care less about what you’re
wearing?” She probably only wore it for an hour,
two at most before it was nothing more than a pile
on his bedroom floor.

“I looked good, don’t even try to deny it.” I

wouldn’t. “Speaking of dates, when are you seeing
Shawn again?”

“I never said I was.” I choose to ignore the

glare I know she is giving me and focus on Iz
instead.

“It is okay for you to date and meet a good guy,

you know?”

I nod, but keep my focus on my daughter’s little

legs as I grab her feet and wiggle them. A wide
smile covers her lips and spit bubbles form as drool
pools at the corners of her mouth.

“It doesn’t mean she’s not your first priority.”
“I know,” I say, feeling my anxiety spike. A

man is the last thing I want or need right now. I’m
perfectly happy working at the restaurant during
the day and spending every night with my little girl.
She is the best company. Okay, fine, I am lonely,
but not enough to put myself out there again and be
forced to trust a man.

I don’t know if I will ever be ready for that.
Those days, that night, they all haunt me still. I

wake up sometimes feeling as though I’m trapped
and can’t escape, my breaths ragged as I look
around my room to find I’m safe. Those are the
secrets I carry, the times I hide from others because
I don’t want anyone to know that I’m still unable to
get over that time in my life. Letting a man in,
letting my guard down, just doesn’t seem worth it.

“One day,” I say as I pick Isabelle up then

stand. “But for now, all I need to be happy is this
little butterball.” I blow raspberries on her cheek,
which triggers her squealing once again. “She’s all
the happy I need.”

Truth is, being with a man makes me feel as if

I’m somehow taking time away from Isabelle. Time
that I can have loving her and cuddling her,
because in my opinion my little angel has already
lost enough and she doesn’t even know it. Problem
is I do, and I feel as if I’ve failed her with my
inability to choose the right daddy for her.

“ H

EVERYTHING

?” Mr. Henderson looks up

from where he is focusing in front of him and offers
me a nod. “Can I get you both a refill?”

“Thank you,” his wife offers me a gentle smile,

“we would appreciate that. Thank you.”

I love my older customers. They are so much

better than the younger college crowd. So
appreciative and kind, grateful for every small
gesture.

I pick up their cups and walk toward the station

that is set up just to the left of the bar. Quickly I fill
their glasses and move back toward my area just as
Shawn and a couple of his friends sit in the table
just beyond the Hendersons.

My heart instantly races but not from

excitement. Shawn wants that second date. He was
very persistent when he walked me to my door
after he took me to dinner only a couple of weeks
ago. He also lingered a little too long giving me that
how about a kiss kind of look. Let me just clear
things up right now—there was no kiss.

This is the first time I’ve seen him since that

night. I’ve managed to avoid him and his phone
calls. Now there is no way out and when he looks
up, his eyes meet my own across the small space. A
smile covers his lips, making me feel like an asshole
for being so dismissive.

Shawn is a sweet guy, but he doesn’t do a thing

for me. I like the bad boys, which I know is exactly
where I’ve gone wrong in the past. But there is
something so alluring about a confident guy with
attitude and tattoos to match. It seems to always
come back to bite me in the ass, but it is and has
always been an unavoidable pull.

I take in a deep breath and slowly release it as I

start to walk across the dining room in his direction.
He watches me like an eager little boy and I fight
against the urge to roll my eyes. If anything, the
man needs to be told that wriggling around in his
seat like a two-year-old does nothing for a woman,
or for this woman at least.

“Hello, Blair.” He practically shouts the

greeting before I even reach his table and I cringe
from the way it echoes. A few other guests turn
their heads in our direction and instantly my face
feels heated. “How have you been?”

“Good,” I offer with a forced smile. “How

about you?”

“Still waiting for that second date.”
Cue the nervous energy. My hands start to

tremble as I do my best to hide them. I’ve never
really been good about getting myself out of
difficult situations. I freeze and in the end, I wind
up agreeing to shit I’d normally avoid just to
eliminate the uncomfortable atmosphere.

“I’ve been busy with work and Isabelle.”
“How about we make it an outing we can bring

her on too?” The walls immediately go up. “I told
you before, I like kids.”

In the distance I hear the bell chime indicating

an order is up and I use it as my out. “I gotta get
that.” I don’t wait for him to reply before I scurry
off toward the kitchen, thankful for the
interruption.

After a few minutes of calming myself I find

Scarlett and agree to cover her next split shift if she
will take Shawn’s table. I also give her the table of
executives who tip better than any other guest in
history at Spencer’s. There goes the new bedroom
furniture I was trying to save up for.

Chapter Two

AKE

KNOCK

LIGHTLY

BEFORE

CAREFULLY

P USHING

open

the door with caution. “Hello,” I purposely keep
my stare focused on the wall opposite the door in
case she is indecent. “Tell me you’re dressed this
time.”

“If pajamas classify as dressed, then yes.” Sadie

sits on the chair just to the left of her bed and offers
me a half-hearted smile when my gaze finally
connects with hers.

“Hey, pajamas are a step up from yesterday’s

attire.”

I notice the reddening of her cheeks as she

looks away from me quickly. Never again will I

enter without announcing my presence first. I’ve
grown to care for Sadie over the last year, but
nothing has ever or will ever go beyond friendship.
I don’t need to see her in anything less than fully
clothed, especially not in her underwear and that
alone. It was like seeing my kid sister half nude,
and correct me if I’m wrong, but that shit feels
wrong in the worst sense of the word.

I feel like I owe Sadie. After all, it was my

doing that finalized the ending of her relationship
with Blair. Just thinking her name alone deepens
the ache I have felt every day since she drove away
without looking back.

Both Sadie and I hit rock bottom after that.

Once my family was placed behind bars, without
the chance of ever seeing life outside a maximum
security prison, I fell apart. I’ll admit I did things I
wish I could take back. The guilt ate away at me,
knowing that I was responsible for what happened
to Blair. I should have somehow warned her, or hid
her away safe, and I failed her. Part of me
sometimes feels guilt from the joy I have knowing
my family is now locked away.

Then I remember the things they’ve cost me

and that guilt fades.

All of that, though, didn’t stop me from falling

into darkness. I know without a doubt had it not
been for Detective Farris I most likely would’ve
someday joined my brother and father. He didn’t

give up on me; he didn’t let me become the person
I swore I never would. His persistence and loyalty
really led me to the place I am now.

Sadie deserves more too, and I’m going to make

sure she realizes that.

“How you feeling today?” I sit down on the

edge of her bed.

“Better than yesterday.” The sadness in her

eyes is always the same. “But that’s the goal, right?
One step at a time.”

Sadie is one week away from completing a six-

month program. It’s designed to not only help her
with her addiction, but also to find the root of her
struggles and teach her how to face them without
the help of drugs, alcohol, and even sex.

“Never backward, always forward.” I recite the

same statement I’ve heard her say many times
before.

“Focus on the good and forgive myself for the

bad.”

“That’s right.”
She lifts her gaze to meet mine once more and

again smiles. Only this time it seems less forced
than before.

“So have you thought of where you’ll go from

here?”

I see a flash of discomfort in her eyes as she

worries her lip. With a nod, she fists her hands in
her lap. “It haunts me every day.”

She too is struggling with her place, wondering

what will happen next. I hope what I’m about to
offer can one day give us both the peace we wish
for.

“I was thinking…” I wait for her to look in my

direction once again. Her long lashes bat as she
blinks a time or two when her emerald eyes focus
on mine. “Getting out of the city, starting over
someplace new might be the best option for the
both of us.”

“Both?”
“Yeah.” I lean forward and rest my elbows on

my knees, getting a better look at her. “Iowa,
maybe?”

Her eyes widen for a split second, surprised I’m

sure. I’ve tried more times than I can count to get
her to tell me where Blair had gone, but never once
did she ever violate that loyalty she felt she owed
Blair. She refused to hurt her any more than she
already had, and it only made me realize how much
she regretted the choices she made, the mistakes of
her past.

“You forget I now have my own ways of

finding things out.” It is my turn to smile. “So what
do ya say? Ever been to Iowa?”

“I can’t go there, Jake.” Her lower lip trembles

almost immediately and it tugs at the space I now
have for her in my heart. “They are better off
without me rocking the safety they’ve found. You

too.” Sadie’s eyes fill with tears. “You showing up
there is only gonna bring back a time I know they
just want to forget.”

She may be right, but I’ve thought about finding

her for weeks, months even. “What my family did
to her is something that’ll also haunt me. She hates
me for the lies I told and the part I played in it all, I
know this.” I pause, thinking over my thoughts, the
same thoughts I’ve analyzed almost daily. “There
hasn’t been a day that I haven’t thought of her,
Sadie. Every time I close my eyes I swear I see her
smile, hear her laughter in the streets. I’ve looked
around more than once positive that I’ll see her,
and left disappointed when I don’t. I’ve tried to
forget her, but here I am a year later, still feeling
the same way I did that first time I saw her.
Hooked, captivated, and engrossed by her. I don’t
think I’ll ever be able to move on if I don’t at least
give it a try.”

“What if she’s not there anymore?”
“She is.” I’ve verified Blair’s location, more

than once.

“And if she refuses to see you,” she takes in a

shuddering breath, “tells you to stay away from
her?”

“That’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

I’

CITY

BOY

, always have been. I’ve never been

outside of Chicago unless you count the occasional
trip I’d gone on as a child. Ankeny, Iowa was like a
whole different world to me. Gone were the tall
skyscrapers and in their place were small store
fronts and diners. Kids played in yards and parks
like the fear of being harmed was nonexistent. It is
peaceful really, surreal even.

I glance over to the passenger side of my Dodge

Challenger to find Sadie with the same mesmerized
look on her face. Her own head is whipping from
side to side, scanning over the areas as we slowly
ease by. She’s been so isolated with her treatments
that I’m sure this seems like a dream, more than
reality.

“What do you think about grabbing something

for dinner before we check into the hotel?” She
only nods, still looking thoroughly mesmerized by
her surroundings.

I ease through the intersection, in search of the

first diner or restaurant I can find, my stomach
choosing that moment to growl hungrily. This of
course gains laughter from Sadie.

“How about there?” she asks, pointing to our

left.

Spencer’s—a lit up blue sign with red accents

almost beckons us. At this point a gas station
burrito would be good enough for me. I didn’t
realize how hungry I truly was since during the

entire trip I’d been so bound in knots from the
inside out that focusing on anything else seemed
impossible. But now that we’re here, the idea that
I’m in the same place as Blair once again both
excites me and terrifies me.

“Looks good to me.” I turn into the parking lot

and find the first available spot I can. The smell of
grilled food fills the air around us. Sadie is the first
out of the car as she rounds the side and passes the
front waving her hand out before her. She seems
more relaxed now that the city is behind us, and I
assume it’s due to all the temptation she feels is left
behind too. No longer does she have to go back to
the life that led her to drugs, among other things.

“Let’s move it, granny.” She tilts her head to

the side and places her hands on her hips,
portraying impatience. I love seeing how carefree
she is. We both struggled over the last year and in
the end found a connection to one another. She
quickly became my best friend, right alongside
Farris.

I step up to her side, bump her shoulder with

my own and she laughs loudly, the sound of it
easing a small amount of my anxiety.

That is until we start to walk toward the

restaurant. I stumble and bump into Sadie’s back as
she pauses. I don’t have to look twice to know
what I’m seeing. I think I felt her before I watched
her exit the restaurant.

Blair.
Her hair seems longer now, even though it’s

pulled back in a high ponytail. A pair of black
slacks hug her hips securely, a tight blue T-shirt
shows off her trim waist. It’s almost as if the impact
of seeing her hits me so damn hard the wind is
instantly knocked from my lungs.

But the worst part about it is the tall man at her

side. The one with his arm over her shoulders as
they walk side by side, together. Both of them are
wearing bright smiles and the sound of her laughter
echoes across the parking lot, feeling like another
kick to my stomach.

She looks happy.
“You still think coming here was a good idea?”

Sadie whispers the question over her shoulder as
she watches me close. Only I don’t respond,
because I can’t. Instead I remain exactly where I
am as I watch Blair walk off with some guy. The
entire scene feels as though it’s a movie playing in
slow motion.

Chapter Three

LAIR

“ A

THIS

TIME

that Marcy is spending with

Isabelle is giving her baby fever.” Will widens his
eyes, his brows lifting high into his hairline. “She
keeps dropping hints here and there.”

“Oh yeah?” I step away from him as I hit the

unlock button on my key fob. “And what do you
say?”

“You know me, I just ignore it, or change the

subject.” Turning around to face him I reach out
and push against his chest. “What? Matthew is a
handful. I think he’s put the fear of having any
more in me.”

“He is not that bad.” I attempt to keep a

straight face, but Will knows me too well. Again
that freakish arch of his brow takes over as if to say
I ain’t buying your lies. “He’s just a silly boy, and
anyway, he gets his crazy from you.”

“You need to spend a day with Marcy and you

might not assume he gets it all from me.”

“Please, your wife is so quiet and peaceful.” He

lets his head tilt forward as he looks down at the
ground.

“She has you all fooled,” he mumbles and again

I can’t help but laugh. Being here surrounded by
the Flannigans has proven to be the best choice
I’ve ever made. Not only for myself, but for
Isabelle too.

I notice movement over Will’s left shoulder and

look up just in time to see a guy and a girl walk
toward the parking lot. There is something familiar
about the girl as she races behind the guy. They are
hidden in the darkness, as well as by the mass of
vehicles parked out here, but for some reason I
can’t look away.

“What are you looking at?” Will doesn’t wait

for me to answer as he turns around and also
watches the couple climb inside a dark car with
tinted windows. The loud rumble of an engine fills
the silence just before the car backs out of its space
and drives in the opposite direction, the wheels
squealing just a small fraction upon take-off. “Do
you know them?”

I shake my head, finally turning my attention

back to Will. “I don’t think so, but something about
the girl seems familiar.” I can’t shake the feeling
that I’ve seen her somewhere before. Just the way
she jogged after the guy, it was almost as though I’d
seen that very thing take place once before. A
feeling of déjà vu settles heavy in my stomach.

“Well, I guess I better get going.” I step up and

offer Will another hug. He has no idea what him
showing up at the end of my shift has done for me.
He made it possible for me to escape without
dealing with Shawn and the awkwardness of
denying him yet again for a second date.
“Whitney’s going over to stay at her man’s place
again and I know she’s waiting on me.”

“She’s getting serious about him, it seems.” Will

gives me a gentle squeeze, holding his to-go bag at
my side with the opposite hand. “Not sure I like the
idea of you and Iz being home alone all the time.”
The big brother role kicks in heavily as he watches
me when I step back toward my car.

“We’re good,” I assure him though he doesn’t

seem convinced.

After he ensures I’m tucked safely in my car, he

walks toward his own and I start my five-minute
drive toward home. It’s been a long night and it’s
always the same. About halfway through, I’d find
myself missing Isabelle like crazy.

The same excitement I feel every time I arrive

home hits me when I place my car in park and grab
my bag off the passenger seat. I hurry toward the
front door, and just as I’m about to climb the two
steps onto our front porch I hesitate. The same
rumble I heard only a short time ago can be heard
again. Looking back over my shoulder, I find the
same dark car from the restaurant sitting in front of
my neighbor’s house, idling along the curb.

What are the chances? Something about it gives

me the chills.

The window tint makes it hard to see inside, but

it doesn’t stop me from staring.

“You coming inside or…”
I jump in surprise at the sound of Whitney’s

voice and spin around, holding my hand to the
center of my chest. She pauses mid-sentence, her
hand on her hip with her eyebrow cocked in
question.

“You scared the hell out of me.” I push past her

and she laughs as she stumbles back into our
apartment. I decide not to say anything about the
car for fear of her thinking I’d lost my damn mind.
Instead I focus on my little angel who lies in the
center of the floor, kicking her legs enthusiastically.

The moment she sees me she squeals loudly and

her arms match the movements of her chubby legs.

“I tried to put her down but she refused to give

in.” Whitney sits on the couch and props up her
feet. “After about fifteen minutes I caved and

we’ve been watching TV since.”

I reach down and pick Isabelle up from the

floor.

“Are you giving Aunt Whit trouble?” Her little

hand immediately goes for her mouth and slobber
runs along her chin.

“You going to Trevor’s?” I ask Whitney.
“In a bit,” she says with a shrug. “His brother’s

over there and last time I talked to him they were
watching some game or something. If I go over
there now, I’ll be forced to engage, and you know
me, sports are not my thing.”

“In that case, do you care if I grab a quick

shower before you take off?”

Instead of a vocal response, she holds out her

hands and wiggles her fingers in a give me motion. I
pass Isabelle to her and walk toward my room with
a smile as I look back over my shoulder. There they
sit, Iz securely tucked into the crook of Whitney’s
arm as they both stare ahead. It reminds me yet
again how lucky I am to have them both.

Gathering my clothes I rush toward the

bathroom, pausing near the window to peek
outside. I am relieved to find the black car is no
longer sitting along the curb. I don’t know why, but
something about it leaves an empty ache inside my
stomach.

ITH

P URSE

and the diaper bag over my

shoulder and Isabelle held firmly in my other arm, I
walk toward the front door. She is blowing spit
bubbles as she wiggles against me, one hand fisting
in my hair that hangs loosely over my shoulder. It
reminds me of why I’m so quick to pull it back all
the time. It’s the first thing she grabs whenever
given the chance.

Stepping outside, I pull the door shut behind me

and give the handle a twist to ensure I locked it.
That very second Isabelle decides to throw out one
of her famous glass-breaking squeals and my heart
feels as though it jumps out of my chest. I have a
feeling once she is able to finally talk I wouldn’t be
able to quiet her again, she is always so vocal.

“One of these days, little lady, you are gonna

give your mommy a heart attack.”

Mine still beats fast as I walk toward my car

and tuck her into her car seat. I ensure she has a
rattle in one hand and her pacifier in her mouth
before I close the door and climb inside myself.
Checking the mirror I verify that I can see her
through the reflection of the second mirror fastened
to the car seat before her. Iz is so fascinated by her
plush toy as she shakes it around that I pause for a
few seconds just to watch her before I start backing
out of the driveway.

When she starts to fuss, as she always does

while being trapped in her car seat, I turn on the

nursery rhymes and begin singing along with them
to distract her. Had anyone told me last year that
I’d be doing this very thing now I would have
thought they were crazy. I didn’t think I wanted
children. Not after the life I’d had growing up; it
was too scary to even consider. I knew the harsh
realities of real life, the dark times and the evil. I
didn’t want to be responsible for bringing any child
into a world like I’d experienced. Yet now I can’t
imagine my life without Isabelle. She is the greatest
part of my days and nights.

“We’re almost there, Iz.” I shush her as I search

for a parking space at the bank. I have a feeling my
running around is going to be torturous today with
this little lady. She hates being restricted in her car
seat.

Mrs. Wilmar is waiting behind the counter with

an eager smile as I step inside. “She gets cuter each
week, I swear to it.” She leans over the counter
with her arms stretched outward. “Let me see that
angel while you get your things ready.” It’s the
same thing each week. She is well into her fifties
and all her own grandchildren live in different
states, rarely giving her the chance to see them as
often as she’d like. I think Isabelle gives her the fix
she needs.

“Those dark locks of hers are starting to curl on

the ends.” I watch as she runs her fingers over
Isabelle’s hair. “She may not share your hair color,

but it looks like she may just end up with the waves
like you have, Blair.”

I hope so, because if I hadn’t gone through

hours of labor myself I wouldn’t believe she was
mine either. Isabelle is her daddy’s, without a
doubt. The dark hair, the contour of her jaw, and
those eyes—they are all Jake’s.

“Yeah, maybe.” I avert my eyes, filling out the

forms quickly. I already know the questions are
coming. Betty Wilmar is a sweet lady, but she is
also a little nosy.

“Her daddy has the dark hair, right?” I nod

because we’ve been down this road almost weekly.
“How any man can walk away from a gem as sweet
as this little lady is a puzzle to me. He has no idea
the joys he’s missing out on.” A hollow feeling fills
my stomach as I push the deposit slip and my check
across the counter. “Such a shame she doesn’t have
a daddy to protect her.”

And there goes that swift kick to the gut feeling.
I reach out and take Isabelle in my arms.
“She has the next best thing in Will and Warren.

They are the greatest uncles a girl could ask for.” I
don’t look at Betty because I don’t want her to see
the tears that our conversation has brought to my
eyes.

I really need to change banks, but unfortunately

I think it would end up being the same thing, just a
different person. It would seem everyone knows

everything about all the things that aren’t their
business.

“Here you go, sweetheart,” Betty counts out

the sixty dollars I’ve requested and then places the
receipt for my deposit next to it. “If you ever need
a little time to yourself the offer to babysit this
sweet angel always stands.”

“Thanks.” I quickly tuck my things into my

purse. “But all the time I can get with her I take,
because I miss her entirely too much when I’m
gone.” I chance a glance at Betty and find her
smiling back at me. “You have a good day, Betty.”

“You too, hon.”
I step outside and take in a calming breath.

Everything here is great, peaceful and safe.
Everything but the fact that everyone seems to
think I ran off to the city, got knocked up, and
came back home to raise my daughter alone. It isn’t
as if those facts aren’t entirely true, but I hate that
my life is a topic those around me discuss. I also
can’t stand the idea that one day Isabelle may be
forced to hear the same things I filter now.

I move my little girl from my side around to my

front as I hug her close. “I’ll love you enough that
you won’t even have the chance to miss him.” I
know that even though I wish for that to be true
there will be a day when she’ll need her daddy.

With a deep breath in and a slow release I

safely tuck her back into her car seat and drive off

toward my next stop. One person after another, I
ignore the pitied looks of the elder population
around town. I look past those who are younger
and assume the worst, and choose to ignore the
whispers I occasionally hear around me.

Instead I smile at Iz, tickle her tummy, and kiss

her cheeks each time we stop and get out of the car.
I remember what I left behind in the city and
cherish the fact that here, she is safe.

When I arrive at the grocery store I gather her

and walk toward the entrance holding her close to
my front. Collecting a cart, I place her in the seat
and triple check its straps are secure around her.
Even then, after knowing that the buckle locked in
place, I still keep my hand on each side of her as I
start inside.

I remain focused on her, playing the occasional

game of “peek a boo” when she starts to get antsy.
I don’t even flinch when she hollers out, because
her screeches are a welcome distraction.

I am so focused on her that I don’t even notice

we’re no longer alone…until I hear his voice.

“Is she mine?”
I freeze, with my hand on the jug of milk still

sitting just inside the cooler.

“And before you decide to lie, let me assure

you that just by looking at her I already know the
answer to that question.”

The urge to run hits me, as I look from side to

side without actually looking behind me.

“Were you ever gonna tell me that I have a

daughter?”

Tears cloud my vision as I stare ahead at

Isabelle, who’s now focused on the man who I
know stands only a few inches behind me. She
doesn’t cry, only sucks on her pacifier, making
those cute little noises she’s done so many times
before. Yet I still can’t bring myself to turn around.
I don’t know what to say or how to react. I never
thought I’d be faced with this situation.

“I wanna be angry right now over the fact that I

had no idea I was a father, only I can’t be. She’s
beautiful.”

I close my eyes tightly, willing the tears to just

go away. Only one escapes as it slowly rolls over
my cheek.

“What’s her name?”
I open my eyes just as he reaches over my

shoulder and touches her leg with the tips of his
fingers. A gentle touch, as if to ensure she is real
and that his eyes aren’t playing tricks on him.

“Isabelle,” I whisper her name, my throat

feeling scratchy from the emotions racing through
me. “What are you doing here?”

I take the chance to look back over my

shoulder and immediately regret it. Jake’s
penetrating stare, the same one I’d seen so many
times when I closed my eyes at night, bore into me.

I feel like the air has been knocked right out of me.

He looks the same, only stronger, if that makes

sense. Not only physically, but there is a
determination in his eyes, a powerful stance as he
stares back at me with purpose.

“I came for you.”

Chapter Four

AKE

HANDS

ARE

SHAKING

, my legs trembling, but I

remain as still as I possibly can. Staring into the
eyes of the only woman I’ve dreamed of every
night for the last year as adrenaline courses through
me. My desire for her, my need, never faded, and
her absence didn’t make her image in my mind
weaken. She’s there, she is always there, so deep
and penetrating.

“I’m not the same man you left on the side of

the road a year ago.”

Blair begins shaking her head as she looks

toward the little angel I now know as our daughter.
Fuck, I’m a father. I’m still reeling from that alone.

She’s as beautiful as her mother, so sweet and—
wow.

“You need to leave.”
I pull my focus away from Isabelle and I see a

fear in Blair I hadn’t noticed a few seconds ago.

“Please, just leave us alone.”
“I can’t do that.” Once the words leave my lips,

Blair’s eyes fill with unshed tears that make my
chest ache so unbelievably bad. “I know you’re
with someone.” I try not to snarl at the idea of
another man touching her. “I saw you leaving with
him last night.” Her forehead wrinkles in confusion.
“You may have moved on, may have found
someone else, but I haven’t. I can’t.”

She glances toward the floor and I reach out to

place my finger beneath her chin. She flinches from
my touch, and I think being stabbed in the heart
would have hurt less than the fact she fears me.

“I would never hurt you.”
Her shoulders shake as she uses her hand to

push away my arm. “I need you to leave. I need
you to turn around and walk away. Please, if you
care like you say you do, forget about us.”

“You can’t keep her away from me, Blair.” She

can’t possibly expect me to forget that I have a
daughter. I set out this morning in search of Blair.
I’d lain awake all night picturing her in my mind.
When the sun came up I knew I had to go to her. I
wanted her to know I was here and even if she had

moved on I had to tell her I was sorry, that I’d
never once stopped thinking of her. I want her to
know that I love her, and I think I always have,
since our first night together. Maybe even before
that.

I never expected to see her walking out of her

house carrying a baby in her arms. After that I
drove around, following her to each stop she made,
trying to believe what I saw.

“I’m her father, Blair, I deserve to know her. I

deserve to be a part of her life even if I can’t be a
part of yours. I can’t just pretend she doesn’t
exist.”

“I’m not protecting her from you.” She finally

looks up at me, her voice rising a little higher. “It’s
your family, the life you live that I want to keep her
safe from. They can’t know about her, or where we
are. I won’t let any of you hurt her.”

“I’d never let that happen.”
She laughs sarcastically, and I understand where

that reaction stems from. I’d once made her feel
safe, and then my family stepped in and changed all
of that.

“I told you that part of my life is over. I’m not

that same guy.”

“Well, you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t

believe you.”

I watch as she turns toward our daughter and

reaches out to loosen the buckle that holds her

securely in place. When she lifts Isabelle up from
the shopping cart and places her against her chest, I
fight the urge to reach out. I’ve never wanted
anything more than I want to hold my daughter at
that very moment. She’s part of me, a part of Blair,
and whether her mother wants to admit it or not she
was created by two people who at one point in time
cared deeply for each other.

Before I have even a second to register what’s

happening, Blair pushes past me, leaving the cart
filled with groceries behind. I’m torn between
chasing after her or ensuring there isn’t anything in
the basket that my daughter may need.

Then it hits me what’s taking place and

suddenly I’m moving after her, jogging to catch up.

“Blair, wait.” She doesn’t even pause. Those

around us watch in confusion as I follow after her.
Someone she passes just before stepping outside
asks her if she is okay and she assures them she is.
Of course the lady glares at me as I move by her as
if I’m the devil himself. But I don’t have time to
care; all I care about is the two who are hurrying
away from me. Thankfully Blair has to take the
time to fasten Isabelle in her seat before she can
take off, which gives me the chance I need to catch
up to her.

I stand to her side, waiting to ensure she has our

daughter safely fastened in before I distract her.
What I don’t expect when I reach out for her is that

she’d turn on me.

Here we stand in the center of the parking lot,

people gathering around us as she shoves against
my chest angrily. Tears stream down her face, her
nostrils flaring. “Leave us alone,” she screams as
she pummels my chest and I do nothing to stop her.
“We’re safe here, she’s safe. Isabelle will never be
a part of your family, a part of the disgusting life
you lead. She’s mine and I won’t let you hurt her.”

I grab her wrists, holding them between us and I

lower myself just enough to look into her eyes. “I
would never hurt her or you.” Her shoulders shake
with the sobs she tries to hold back. Blair’s eyes are
red and swollen, her cheeks glistening with the
tears that have already fallen.

“I’m sorry for what my family did to you, for

the part I played in it all. But damn it, Blair, you
have to know that I never meant for Gabe to hurt
you. Had I not been sitting in my father’s office
with two guns aimed at my head I would have
come for you sooner. The waiting, not knowing
what was happening to you, that was the worst
fucking thing I’d ever felt in my life. But what good
would I have been to you dead?”

Seeing her lower lip tremble makes me feel so

weak, like I’m being torn apart from the inside out.
A new round of anger toward my brother and my
father for ordering him to find Blair in the first
place hits me hard, making my hands shake with

fury.

No longer caring that she is fighting me, I grip

her tighter and pull her in to my chest. “They’re all
behind bars, serving time for all the hell they
caused. I made sure of it, made sure they paid for
not only what they did to you, but to everyone who
ever crossed them.”

Blair tugs against me but I hold her even tighter,

needing to keep her close.

“It almost killed me knowing that I couldn’t get

to you. The idea of what he was doing to you or
what he could be doing, I wanted to kill him.” I
pause as she slowly relaxes against me. “And I
almost did.”

She takes in a deep shuddering breath and then

I allow myself to relax, but just a little.

“That day you left with Whitney, the last time I

saw you, I turned my family in to the police. I
begged for help before I killed them all myself. I
wanted revenge on my father and my brother. I
wanted them to suffer,” I whisper against her ear as
I look in on our daughter who sits quietly in her car
seat staring at us. Even in our current situation I
can’t contain the smile that covers my lips. I’m a
father.

“I meant what I said, Blair.” I close my eyes but

only for a second before looking back at our little
girl. “I’m not the same man, there’s no going back
there. That part of my world is over and as far as

I’m concerned the only two that matter from this
day forward are you and Isabelle.”

“ Y

’

DAD

?” Sadie asks in amazement as she

sits down on the hotel bed at my side. She looks
almost as shocked as I feel. “And Blair is a mom.”

“Yeah.” A smile tugs at my lips as I picture the

dark-haired beauty in my mind. “And she’s
perfect.” Actually, perfect doesn’t even do her
justice. “There’s no denying she’s mine, she looks
just like me. Same color hair, same eyes. Hell, even
her nose is an exact replica of my own, only much
smaller.”

“Wow.”
“Wow’s one way of putting it.” I chuckle as I

look up to see Sadie staring off at nothing in
particular as she weighs the new information I’ve
thrown at her. “At first I was pissed, because there
I sat in my car, watching Blair place a little baby in
a car seat inside her car. The idea of her having a
child with someone else, the guy we saw her with
even, it just infuriated me. I knew I didn’t have the
right to be mad, but damn it, I didn’t want to admit
that what I’d come here for was already gone. I felt
defeated, cheated even more out of the life I
wanted.” First my family took away my shot at

happiness, and now some stranger was loving the
woman I wanted and the child they’d created
together.

“But the more I followed her, each time I got

another glimpse of the little girl, it was like my feet
were swept out from beneath me. Then I followed
her inside the store and got a closer look and that’s
when I just knew. I knew she was mine. Even
through the anger I felt that Blair hid it from me, I
couldn’t fight the happiness.” Again I smile. “I’m
someone’s dad.” I shake my head and chuckle.
“She’s my new beginning, Sadie. Isabelle’s my
fresh start.”

“And what about Blair?”
I run my hand through my hair as I tug on the

tips at the base of my neck. “In a perfect world,
she’d be able to look past the things that happened
and she’d forgive me. We’d heal from the things
we’ve faced and find a way to raise our daughter
together. I just don’t know if that’s our reality.”
Then there’s the guy she was with that she still
hasn’t spoke of or denied having a connection with
when I brought it up.

“What I do know is that there isn’t anything

that’s gonna stop me from being a part of my
daughter’s life. We’re staying, Sadie, whether she
wants us here or not. I won’t walk away and miss
another minute of Isabelle’s life. I’ve already
missed too much.”

“Maybe I should just go—”
“You’re staying.” I reach out and squeeze her

hand with my own. “I’ve already called Farris and
told him where I’ll be. With any luck I’ll either be
employed by Polk County or the town of Ankeny.
Either way is fine with me, because wherever my
little girl is, is where I’ll be. And I meant it when I
said that I’m here for you, always. There’s no going
back to that life, for you or for me. We’re home.”

Chapter Five

LAIR

“ W

HAT

THE

HELL

do you mean Jake is here?”

Whitney is fuming with anger, and I can practically
see flames shooting off her.

“I mean he’s here, in Ankeny.”
She paces the floor in front of the couch, her

hands flailing around as she opens her mouth only
to shut it again quickly. Her cheeks are flushed, a
sure sign her blood pressure is on the rise and I try
not to laugh. Because honestly, nothing about this is
funny, but oh my hell she looks ridiculous.

I’ve already given her a rundown of my

interaction with Jake, both inside and outside the
store. Apparently one of Marcy’s friends had a

front row seat to the entire show and by the time I
got back to my place, Will and Warren were both
already waiting in the driveway for me. Shortly
after that Whitney squealed to a stop along the curb
and practically climbed out of the car before it was
even in park.

Now here they all sit, watching and waiting for

me to react. Both of the guys look less than
pleased, on guard even. The big brother act is
written all over their faces.

“So which one of you is gonna tell us who the

hell this guy really is?”

“He’s Isabelle’s father.” Whitney throws her

hands up in the air spinning around to face her
brother. “He’s a liar and his family is insane. I’m
talking the worst possible kind of people and the
last thing we need is for any of them to be a part of
Izzy’s life.”

“He said they’re in prison.” Whitney again

spins completely around to face me once more.
Now all three of them stare at me silently. “He told
me that on that last day we saw him outside my old
apartment, things changed. That day we moved all
my

things.”

Whitney

nods

indicating

she

remembers. “He said that he left and went straight
to the police. He asked them to help him ensure
they all paid for everything they’d done.”

“And you believe him?” Whitney is frantic, but

she has gone through all this right along my side

and knows the extent of everything. She held me on
the nights I cried myself to sleep, and she heard
word for word on more than one occasion a recap
of what Gabe had done and said to me that night
outside the bar.

“I don’t know.” She seems disappointed in the

idea that I just might. “But I guess it’s a good thing
I have someone that can dig into that for me.
Someone that can find out if he’s telling the truth.”
I look at Warren and he narrows his eyes at me.
“Before you automatically assume he’s here to hurt
me, can you please do this one thing?”

“I don’t like anything about this, Blair.” Warren

is and always has been the quieter of the two
brothers. But when he is unhappy about something,
he makes sure you know. Sometimes his silence
leaves me unsettled because I know in his mind
he’s planning shit out. “So what if he had a hand in
placing his family behind bars? So what if he’s here
now, telling you all the things he thinks you need to
hear? He still fucking hurt you. He still allowed
those animals to hurt you in some way even though
you won’t tell us exactly how. Nothing about this is
sitting well with me. I want him gone.”

“Me too,” Will chimes in before I have the

chance to agree or disagree. “And I don’t want you
and Izzy here alone. I think you need to pack some
things and come home with me or stay at Mom and
Dad’s until Warren can check this all out.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”
“No,” Warren stands in a hurry, “we’re being

cautious.”

“And I’m an adult and can make my own

choices.” Both of the guys narrow their eyes as if
they think they can intimidate me into agreeing to
their demands. “We’re fine.”

“Then I’ll sleep on your damn couch.” Will

flops down and stretches out his arms over the back
of the couch like he is settling in and I laugh.

“No, you won’t.”
Silence passes over us all. Whitney looks back

and forth between her two brothers, lost in the
testosterone that flows heavy in the room. Will and
Warren continue to share some quiet conversation
by using only facial expressions instead of words.
Anyone on the outside looking in would have likely
found the entire exchange comical, but I know they
are planning something I’ll hate in the end.

“What’s his full name?” Warren finally asks,

crossing his arms over his chest. “And his family,
too.”

“Gunther is the last name.” I relax but only a

fraction, knowing that Warren is going to do what I
asked. “Zeke, Gabe, and Jake.” I pause for a
second as a flashback of Gabe from that night hits
me. “Cyrus.” The name alone feels like a shot of
acid. That name alone reminds me of the side of
Jake I never want to know. “His first name is

Cyrus, but he goes by Jake.”

Again Warren looks at Will before he grabs his

keys and storms off toward the door. He slams it a
little harder than he needs to as he exits.

“You better stock the refrigerator with my

favorite beer,” Will states with conviction as he
grabs for the television controller. “Oh, and be
ready to confirm to Marcy why I won’t be home
until late tonight.”

“You are not sleeping all night on our couch.”

It’s my turn to place my hands on my hips.

“No.” I feel a sudden sense of relief wash over

me. That is, until he continues. “I’m staying until
Warren gets back, then he’s sleeping on the couch
so I can go home to my wife. His wife happens to
be on shift tonight at the hospital so he’s got a free
night.”

“You are both being so…” I growl as I stomp

my foot in frustration like a two-year-old. “My god,
you both just need to stop it.”

“Not gonna happen.” He wouldn’t budge and I

should’ve already expected that. The Flannigan
brothers are hard-headed. So instead I walk off
toward my room like a scorned teenager and close
my door behind me.

Damn men. All of them.

WAKE

up to the sound of Isabelle’s squeal. I look

over at my alarm clock on the nightstand and panic
runs through me when I realize it is close to eight at
night.

Pushing back the covers, I grow frustrated

when they manage to get tangled around my legs
and I practically fall out of bed in the process. I can
hear the sound of men talking as I round the corner
and find not only Will, but Warren and Trevor too.
On the floor near the couch is Whitney who sits
before Isabelle as she bounces away in her soothing
bouncer chair.

“What’s going on?” They all turn to face me

when they realize I’m no longer hidden behind the
door of my bedroom. “Why are you all staring at
me like that?”

“I, um…” Warren stumbles over his words and

my stomach feels like it suddenly drops. This can’t
be good. “He wasn’t lying about his family, Blair.
Or about his involvement in having them arrested.”
Suddenly my airways feel just a little tighter. “This
guy’s a cop.” What? “He’s new to the force, a
rookie. I’m talking only weeks on the job, but
currently on leave from Chicago PD. It would
appear he has some friends in high places, and after
some digging around I found that he’s applying to
Polk County as well as the city police department
for a transfer.”

“What?” I feel as though I’ve been warped into

some kind of fantasy land.

“Looks like he didn’t just work with the force

to bring down his family and the entire ring. He
ended up joining them too. He goes by Jake legally,
there is no Cyrus Gunther. He had it changed.”

I lean against the wall at my side to keep myself

from stumbling as I let the information sink in. He’s
a cop?

“He’s staying over at the Holiday Inn, looks

like he’s paid two weeks in advance.” I don’t look
up at Warren as he continues. My head spins with
the information he’s giving me. None of this seems
real. How can someone go from one side of crime
to another?

“I want to tell you to stay away from him,” Will

says as he steps up in front of me and kneels down
to look me in the eye. “But I know I can’t.
Something tells me he’s not gonna stay away and I
guess if the tables were turned, if it was me and
there was someone telling me I had to stay away
from Marcy and Matthew, I’d wouldn’t either.
Because there isn’t anything or anyone that could
keep me from them. Part of me wants to be
sympathetic to this guy, but I won’t lie to you,
Blair, I’m cautious.”

“Me too.” He seems pleased with my

confession as he reaches out and pulls me in for a
hug. “No matter what happens, you need to
remember that I’m here. We all are.”

“There’s one more thing you need to know,

Blair.” Warren places his hand on my shoulder,
gaining my full attention as Will leans back. “He’s
not staying in the hotel alone.” My stomach
plummets. “He has a woman with him.”

I don’t have the right to care, I know this. Jake

isn’t mine, and I don’t really think he ever was. But
knowing that if he is a part of Isabelle’s life, the
woman he has with him will be too is what bothers
me the most. It’ll be hard enough to share her with
Jake; I’m not sure I can share her with his girlfriend
too. Or whatever she is.

Chapter Six

AKE

“ A

KID

,” Farris repeats to himself for the third time

and I can almost picture him shaking his head in
disbelief. “Bet that was one hell of a shock for sure.
You went there for a woman, and now you got a
kid.”

“So tell me you got some good news for me.” I

sit down on the lounger near the pool as I watch
Sadie go for yet another lap. She’s come down to
the pool almost daily at the same time every day
since we arrived. For an hour she swims back and
forth, only taking small breaks in between each lap.
I think it serves as some type of therapy, so I never
question it.

“Word is Polk County has a position opening

up.” Farris is my inside informer since he has
multiple friends and family on the police forces
scattered throughout the US. It’s great to have
friends with connections. “They have two guys up
for retirement, but I need you to hold out for a little
longer. There seems to be a hang up.”

“What type of hang up?"
He lets out a deep breath and I hear papers

shuffle around through the other end of the line.
“Do you know a guy by the name of Warren
Flannigan?” Just the name alone sets off warning
bells in my head.

“Flannigan is Blair’s best friend’s last name.” I

know this can’t be good.

“Which would explain why the guy is poking

around in your past.” Yes, it would. “Your girl
seems to have her own connections.”

I smile, knowing since she took the time to

check me out, it means she hasn’t completely
written me off.

I look up just in time to see Sadie climbing out

of the pool and walking in my direction. She looks
better than she did in the city, more lively, and the
color in her cheeks has come back. She’s also put
on a few much needed pounds, but I won’t dare tell
her that. She no longer looks like that frail, lifeless
girl I knew a year ago. She has a spark back that
looks good on her.

I hold out the towel to her and as she reaches

for it, she shakes her head, throwing water all over
me from her wet hair. I jump up, the chair scoots
along the tiled floor, and she laughs out loud.

“Pansy,” she mumbles as she walks off in the

direction of our rooms.

“How’s Sadie doing?” I’ve noticed Farris has

been asking about her often. They had something
between them in the city. Neither of them have
openly admitted it, but I could tell.

“Why don’t you take a trip to Iowa and find out

for yourself?” He doesn’t reply back right away but
when he does, I can almost sense he was grinning
widely.

“We’ll see.”
I end the call after he assures me that he’s

working on getting me into Polk County Sheriff’s
Department. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have to find
another means of income because one thing’s for
sure, I’m not going anywhere. Now that I know I
have a daughter, I’ve found my home. It is
wherever she is. Which means it’s time to find a
more permanent residence besides the Holiday Inn.

I bypass Sadie’s room and go to my own door.

Though they are joint rooms and we often leave the
inside doors connecting the two open, there are also
times for privacy. Just as I place my keycard into
the slot on the door I pause, looking to my left.

Only a few feet away stands Blair, looking back

at me hesitantly.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have come but—”
“No,” I interrupt her, “it’s okay.” I push open

the door to my room and motion for her to join me.
“Let’s step inside. We can talk more privately.”

Again Blair hesitates, looking at the now open

door, almost like she believes stepping inside will
be nothing more than a mistake.

“Just talk.”
Her gaze finds mine and after a couple of short

breaths, I can see her shoulders visibly relax before
finally deciding to accept my offer.

I try not to focus on her backside as she steps

into the room, but it’s like a rope pulling me in. I
remember a time when I’d been able to reach out
and pull her close whenever the urge had risen. I
miss those times.

“Sorry about the mess.” I hurry around her,

quickly trying to gather the clothes I have scattered
around the room. I’m a shitty housekeeper but in
my defense, no one has been in my room but me,
with the exception of Sadie, but she doesn’t count.
“Here,” I hold out my hand to the chair that is now
visible in the corner of the room, “have a seat.”

She does so, but not without caution.
“I’m surprised to see you here.” I sit on the bed

opposite her. “I don’t ever remember telling you
where I was staying.” She tries to look at anything
but me, but it’s a fraction too late; I’ve already seen

the discomfort in her eyes. “Who’s the guy you
have snooping around to gather information about
me?”

“It was more of a means to verify you were

telling the truth.” Blair lifts her gaze to meet my
own and offers a little shrug. “Not really to find out
things you hadn’t already told me. But to answer
your question, it’s Whitney’s brother. He works for
the Polk County Sheriff’s Department.”

I offer a simple nod.
“In the process, he also found out that you are a

cop.” She arches her brow and that reaction makes
me chuckle. “And of course, the fact that you are
staying here, at this hotel.”

Again she looks away, like she’s avoiding

saying anything more.

“So he also informed you that I’ve requested a

transfer to Iowa?” It is her turn to nod, still looking
down at her lap instead of at me. “You should know
that if that doesn’t work out then I’ll be looking for
something else outside of the force, because I don’t
plan on going anywhere. Not unless you and
Isabelle leave.”

“This is our home.”
“Then its mine, too.” We stare at one another,

waiting for the other to break. It’s the loud
obnoxious knock on the adjoining doors that breaks
our trance.

“Move it, Jake.” Sadie’s voice sounds muffled

through the door, but it is clear enough to know
what she says. “I’m hungry and after that workout I
just had, I’m counting on you to feed me.” I’m well
aware of the way her words sound. It’s also a
difficult situation because Sadie and Blair have a
past, one that didn’t end on the best of terms.

“Sorry,” Blair stands quickly and begins

walking toward the door, “I guess I should go.”

“No.” Reaching out I grab her hand and she

pauses with her back still turned to me. “You don’t
have to.”

Another knock rings throughout the small room.

“Feed me or I’ll be forced to order from every
takeout menu in this town and bill your credit
card,” Sadie hollers out. “It’s your choice.”

“Yeah, I think I do.” I notice the way Blair is

looking toward the door Sadie just spoke through.
Then her gaze shifts and she glances over her
shoulder to our still joined hands. “Honestly I don’t
know what I was thinking coming here.”

“But something brought you here.”
Silence passes between us once again and ever

so slowly she eases her hand from mine before
crossing her arms over her chest. She pivots,
looking up at me with such a fierce determination
that it makes my stomach feel empty.

“I can’t stop you from seeing Isabelle.” Blair

takes in a shuddering breath. “I won’t try.” Relief
washes over me. “But I will fight you on her safety

and those who become a part of her life along with
you.”

“I have that right too, ya know.” Her eyes

narrow at me and I recognize it as her look of
irritation. “The right to protect her from the guys
you choose to bring in and out of her life.” I know
what she is referring to when she makes it clear that
she’ll fight me on my involvement with Isabelle if
she needs to. It is directed toward the voice she
heard only moments ago; she just won’t come out
and say it. So I do make it clear.

“Well, then I guess it’s a good thing the only

men involved in her life have been her grandpa and
her uncles,” she replies. I feel the tightness in my
chest grow less tense. “Isabelle comes first, she has
since the day she was born. I would never bring
anyone into her life that I felt wasn’t worthy. That
won’t ever change.”

I follow behind her as she opens the door to my

room and steps out into the hallway. I notice the
way she looks toward the door to Sadie’s room
before quickly looking at the floor to hide her
interest.

“When can I see her?” I ask.
“I work tonight.” She takes in a deep breath,

her shoulders lifting, then relaxing once more. “I
get off at seven. If you want to meet me there I can
have Will bring her by.”

“Will?”

A smile tugs at the corner of her lips.

“Whitney’s other brother. He and his wife keep
Izzy when Whitney can’t.” There went a little more
tension, fading away. “Or she stays with Whitney’s
parents. They’re the only true family I’ve ever had
and that makes them her family too.”

I know very little about Blair’s childhood. She

was always so reluctant to share any of her past
with me; I assume because there aren’t many good
memories to share. But one thing’s for certain: she
did talk about Whitney’s parents and how good
they were to her, so knowing that they are also a
part of my daughter’s life gives me peace. Fact is,
neither of us have family to share with Isabelle, so
these people are the perfect substitute.

“Spencer’s at seven.” I tell her with a nod.
“I know I don’t have the right to ask, but for

now can we hold back on introducing your
girlfriend to Izzy?” She may not have wanted me to
see the flare of her nostrils when she said the word
“girlfriend,” but I do. That alone gives me a rush of
hope. “I know she’s too little to notice any tension,
but this entire thing is overwhelming enough that I
just think…” She pauses, at a loss for words.

“I’ll be there alone,” I tell her, reaching out to

nudge her chin, forcing Blair to look up at me. “But
just so we’re clear, she’s not my girlfriend, just a
close friend.” Even though she nods I can see the
hesitance in her gesture. “She’s more like a kid

sister, really.”

“It’s none of my business,” she steps back and

my hand falls free from her face. “I just don’t want
any more awkwardness then there will already be.”

Chapter Seven

LAIR

P LATE

SLIP S

out of my hand and bangs against

the counter as the silverware on top of it tumbles to
the floor. The racket echoes through the small
space, making it only seem that much louder.

“Did you lather yourself in baby oil before your

shift today or what?”

I don’t look up from the slate grey counter

when Krista steps up beside me. I’ve been a wreck
all night, and with each passing second it only gets
worse.

“I’m just off tonight.”
“That’s an understatement,” she adds with a

laugh. “Wilber said he’s gonna glue skid pads to

your hands so you won’t drop anything else.”
Wilber is our seventy-two-year-old boss and an all-
around great guy. Like a grandfather to us all, he
spoils us and never once has he gotten angry, even
when he should. “Thank goodness you have less
than an hour before your shift ends.”

She hurries away after grabbing what she came

for and I look up at the clock, verifying what she
said. Forty-eight minutes…that’s how long I have
until Isabelle meets her daddy. Though he saw her
only a couple days ago, it all seems like a blur.

I guess it’s the unknown that terrifies me so

much. Where do we go from here? How do I share
her with him?

“He’s here.” I spin around, and in the process

knock a fork to the floor. Krista is standing behind
me, her brow arched as she looks down at the floor
between us. Numerous utensils remain at my feet,
my hands shake, and though no one can see it, my
stomach is tied in knots. Forget knots; I’m so
tangled up inside I feel like I’m going to keel over.

“Who’s here?” I already know she means Jake,

but I guess I’m hoping for some luck that she
means Will or someone else instead.

Krista reaches out and grabs my arms. “First

off, you need to calm down.”

I nod, but I am anything but calm.
“Jake just sat down in your area, and Carol got

him something to drink.” Again I nod.

“Is he alone?”
“Yes.” She smiles because she knows me too

well. “Is this about you being nervous over him
with Izzy? Or is it more of you being worried that
he is with someone else and you’re gonna be forced
to watch that?”

“Iz,” I say, but am well aware that it comes out

sounding more like a question. “Okay, maybe
both.” My shoulders sag, my heart beats rapidly,
and I suddenly feel exhausted. “I can’t let myself
feel the things I’m feeling, not for him. Not after
everything that’s happened.”

Krista says nothing, only lets me ramble on with

my self-lecture.

“He can’t just show up here a year later, then

we fall back into the time before it all went wrong.
He lied, he pretended to be someone else, that can’t
be forgotten. Having a child doesn’t change a thing,
being a cop, changing his life, it doesn’t erase the
past. It can’t. Right?”

“It’s not me that you need to be asking those

questions of, Blair.” Krista never let me have the
easy way out. “You’re the only one that holds those
answers, babe. This is your life and Isabelle’s.”

I hate that there are no easy answers to this

mess, but I get what she is saying. I’m the one who
holds onto those memories, those fears. I’m the one
who has been wronged. It’s up to me.

“He’s here for Isabelle,” I say with a firm nod,

standing tall and squaring my shoulders. “This is
not about me, or him. It’s about Iz meeting her
daddy and them getting the chance to build a
connection. Nothing else matters.”

I ignore the way she throws out that are you

sure look she often gives. Bending over, I quickly
pick up my mess, wipe away any excess from the
floor, then toss the rag and all into the bin. “I have
customers,” I say over my shoulder as I step back
out through the swinging doors into the dining area.

Immediately my eyes find him, zoning in on him

like he’s the only person seated in my area. And as
if he feels me too, he lifts his gaze and instantly a
grin covers his lips. I may still hold a grudge, I may
still be hurt beyond belief that he wasn’t honest
with me from the start, but nothing can diminish the
pull I feel toward this man. From the first time I
saw him behind the bar at Miller’s, I swear he
reached inside me and held my heart in the palm of
his hand. I want to hate him, I want to ensure that
what I felt for him will never resurface, but I know
in that very second living by those rules will be
difficult.

I force my legs to move, but with each step I

feel my stomach growing tighter and tighter.

“Sorry, I know I’m early.” He doesn’t wait for

me to say anything as I pause near the end of his
table. “I did try to waste time driving around town,
even looked at a few places with a Realtor

today.”

Though he already mentioned once finding a

more permanent place here in town, hearing it
again once again gets my nervous energy going.

“But then I ended up here and sitting in the car

for over an hour got difficult, so here I am.” Jake
shrugs, leaning back in his seat as he tosses his arm
over the back of the booth.

I had the words I wanted to say etched out in

my mind on my way over to the table, but suddenly
I can’t remember them. So instead I stand there
staring at him, looking like some kinda fool, I’m
sure.

“Figure I’ll eat something.” He points toward

the menu he has stretched out in front of him.
“What’s good?”

“Anything.” My voice squeaks. His eyebrows

shoot up and his forehead crinkles. I quickly clear
my throat, lifting my notepad from the front of my
apron and focus on it instead. “But I’m biased
because Wilber is by far my favorite boss and I
wouldn’t speak a harsh word about him or his
menu.” Just pick something, anything.

“In that case, let me have the…” His mouth

moves but I don’t hear the words. Or maybe I hear
them but they don’t register in my mind. “And can
I get extra jalapeños in that? All chicken though, no
shrimp.”

I nod, staring at the notepad because sooner or

later the guy is gonna catch onto the fact I was

staring at his mouth, his eyes, and his hands.

“The fajitas are my favorite.” I look to my left

to see Carol standing there just as she sets an iced
tea on the table. When she offers me a wink, I feel
my cheeks heat. She’d caught me, that’s obvious.
I’m thankful she swooped in to rescue me though,
now that I don’t have to have Jake repeat his order.
Or worse, get him something he didn’t even want.

“I’ll go put this in.” I step back leaving them to

socialize. I know eventually everyone in town will
know who he is to me and to my daughter. It’s only
a matter of time.

For the next thirty minutes or so, I do all I can

to ignore the fact that Jake is here. I wait on the
rest of my customers as if my entire world isn’t
shifting beneath my feet. I smile, though I can feel
it is forced. I laugh along with the customers who
share humorous stories or funny jokes. I even make
it a point to ask if things are okay as I quickly hurry
from one location to the next.

Five minutes before my shift ends I look toward

the door just in time to see Will and Marcy stepping
inside, with Matthew and Isabelle in tow. They
pause near the door as they look behind them just
before Shawn steps inside.

And my heart sinks.
Since he knows the guys, he has met Izzy a time

or two. So when he reaches out and skims his finger
over her cheek, then leans in closer to talk to her, I

instantly look over at Jake to see if he notices.

Seeing his nostrils flaring as he also looks in the

direction of the door confirms he definitely notices.

“She looks just like her beautiful mom.” I jump

at the sound of Shawn’s voice. They’d moved in
closer and were now only a few feet away without
me even realizing it. All I can think is He is a
complete idiot. Besides her little toe on both feet
that had a slight bend just like mine, Isabelle looks
nothing like me.

Shawn reaches out and places his hand on my

hip before leaning in and pressing a kiss to my
cheek. The entire gesture throws me off as my eyes
widen in surprise.

“We were just telling Shawn that Isabelle’s

daddy is in town.” I can instantly see the apologetic
look that covers Marcy’s face. “He showed up to
see if he could catch you before you left.”

“You’ve been dodging my invites for that

second date,” Shawn smiles and I just want to
punch him. How can one person be so dense?

I don’t get the opportunity to decline. I don’t

even have to turn around to know that Jake is
standing behind me. Will, Marcy, and even Shawn
are looking over my shoulder.

“I’m Jake.” His deep raspy voice rings out and

covers me like a smoldering blanket. “This little
beauty’s daddy.” He points toward Isabelle, who is
safely tucked against Will’s chest.

Shawn seems so out of place as he stands there

with a displeased look on his face. It’s almost like
he feels he has some entitlement over Jake when it
comes to Izzy and even me.

“I’m Will. I believe you know my sister

Whitney?”

“I do.” Jake places his hand against Will’s

outstretched palm and they share a firm shake.
“This is my wife, Marcy, and our son, Matthew.”

“Nice to meet you all.” Jake steps closer and I

can feel the heat of his body now pressing to my
side. Marcy offers a smile, before her gaze meets
mine and she wags her brows. Yes, I know he’s very
easy and I do mean easy on the eyes.

“I’m Shawn.” He shifts his body like a standoff

to Jake and offers a nod in my direction. “I’m a
close friend of Blair’s.” It’s my turn to narrow my
eyes at Shawn. He can’t be serious right now.
“Funny thing is she never mentioned anything
about Isabelle’s father. Only that he wasn’t in the
picture.”

“Shawn, I—”
“I am definitely in the picture.” The tone of

Jake’s voice suddenly reminds me of one I’d heard
before, only not from his lips. Chills cover my arms
and the back of my neck and I suddenly feel as
though I’m thrown back into that horrific night that
took place over a year ago. My hands shake even
though I try to hide the trembling. “Had I known

that I had a daughter, I would have been here a lot
sooner.”

Chapter Eight

AKE

THE

HELL

does this guy think he is? And does

he really think his pathetic attempt at staking some
type of claim is really gonna work? I don’t give a
fuck what kind of relationship he has with Blair.
Well, I do, but at this point it doesn’t seem he is as
close to this group as he is putting on. The looks on
their faces definitely say otherwise.

I can see Blair’s hands trembling as she holds

them down at her sides. This isn’t the time for me
to put on a show. It sure as hell isn’t the place for
me to show this guy that I don’t give two shits
about what he thinks he has over me. He doesn’t
have a thing.

“Now that I know I have a daughter…” I place

my hand on Blair’s shoulder and give it a soft
squeeze. She leans back into my touch and that is
confirmation enough that what I think to be true is
accurate. This guy is nothing special. “…I’m here
to stay.”

Will must have picked up on the tension

because he steps forward, blocking Shawn’s view
of me. At this point all I can see is Isabelle. Her big
beautiful eyes stare back at me as she chews on her
fingers that are securely placed in her mouth.

My chest aches at the vision before me, this

perfect little girl who knows nothing of my past.
Everything I’ve done, all the wrong words I’ve
spoken, none of it matters. This is my chance to
make it all right. She is so innocent and pure, and
she is mine. I squeeze Blair’s shoulder just a little
tighter as I fight the emotions that build within me.

I want to reach for her, but I’m also so terrified

of making a move. I’ve never felt so raw in my life,
and suddenly she blurs as tears fill my eyes.

“Do you wanna hold her?” It’s Will who asks

me and even though I can’t see clearly, there is
absolutely nothing I want more. I nod my head and
blink, feeling the tears run over my cheeks just
before Isabelle is placed in my arms.

Here we stand in the middle of a restaurant,

making one hell of a scene, but I couldn’t care less.
This is my moment, one I’m not willing to part

with.

I hug her close and feel the slobber goo that is

all over her cheek smear against my neck. Mine is
the only word that comes to mind. It may be wrong
of me, but again I don’t care, I only react. I place
my free hand on Blair’s hip and pull her close,
hugging the two most important people in my life
securely.

“Thank you,” I whisper, not just to Blair for

giving me such a beautiful gift, but to Will and
Marcy for simply loving this amazing little girl—my
daughter.

“Let’s get you two some privacy.” I don’t

question Will as he suddenly ushers us toward the
back of the dining area. “Wilber said to take his
office.”

I look up just in time to see us being nudged

into a room with a desk and large couch in the
corner.

“I was told to tell you to take all the time you

need.” I give him a thankful nod, still unwilling to
release Blair or my little girl.

I hear the door close behind us and Blair tries to

pull back, but I hold her tighter.

“Not yet.” Please not yet. I want to hold them

for as long as I can. I want to make up for the time
I have already lost, for the times when she needed
someone and I wasn’t there.

“I can never express just how sorry I am,” my

voice shakes as I fight to get the words out, “for
everything. I hurt you Blair. I should have fought
harder to keep you safe. I should have gone to the
police sooner. I never should have…” I take in a
deep breath, feeling Isabelle start to squirm against
me.

I release my hold on Blair though it is the last

thing I want to do.

I gently bounce Izzy, feeling odd in my attempt

to quiet her. I’ve never held a baby before; I was
never presented with the opportunity. But with her,
it feels natural in some strange way. I guess, maybe,
because I know she is a part of me.

“She’s amazing, Blair.”
“She is.” Her voice shakes and I look away

from our daughter to see Blair’s eyes are reddened
and wet from the tears she too is shedding. “She
likes when you pat her back.” Blair uses her hand
to show me with my own how to comfort our
daughter. “I sing to her sometimes, well mostly in
the car because she hates to be in a car seat, and
always nursery rhymes. Sometimes at night too,
when it’s dark and she’s having a hard time falling
asleep, or I talk to her.”

“Talk to her?” I ask, noticing the way Blair

quieted after she realizes what she said. She nods
her head. “About what?”

“Anything.” Crossing her arms over her chest

she watches our daughter instead of me.

“Everything,” again she pauses, “I’ve told her
about how you.” She looks at me. “My version
never includes the part I just want to forget,
though.”

The deep guilt and regret settles in me once

more. I’m well aware that the apologies I just gave
her only minutes ago have been forgotten. I also
know it’s gonna take time. Talking about our
daughter has quickly taken the place of everything
else. For now I’ll accept that, but later I’ll tell her
all over again how sorry I am when she has no
other choice but to hear me. I’ll say it every day if I
have to until somehow, someway, we can move
beyond our past.

“Her birthday?”
“January nineteenth,” Blair smiles as she holds

out her hand and pushes back Isabelle’s hair to
place a kiss to her forehead, “at two-fifty-two am,
after almost eighteen hours of labor.”

I close my eyes as another round of regret fills

me over those times I’ve already missed. “I don’t
want to miss another second of her life.” I want to
say the same of Blair’s too, but I hold those words
back…for now.

“So how do we do this?” I understand what she

is asking, and it would’ve been so easy right then to
tell her that I want a life full of memories that
overflow with nothing but her and Isabelle. It
would’ve been easy to tell her that we should forget

everything from our past and start fresh. Only I
know that isn’t possible. If I want this, her and my
daughter with nothing between us, I have to do this
right.

“We’ll figure it out,” I assure her as I take her

hand in mine. Looking between her and Izzy I feel
overwhelmed with more love and appreciation than
I’ve ever felt for any two people before in my life.
“I’ll take everything you give me Blair, because a
lifetime isn’t gonna be enough time to love her like
I want to. I need her to understand how much I
love her already and I know that with each day it’s
only going grow.”

I know she gets it, I can see the love in her eyes

as I watch her watch our daughter. We did this,
even in a time when everything around us was
falling apart, we created this perfect mixture of us.
We made this life and I can damn well guarantee
I’ll do everything I have to do to keep her safe. To
keep both of them safe. I won’t fail them; I won’t
fail Blair, not again.

Chapter Nine

LAIR

“ T

HAT

WAS

P RETTY

INTENSE

.” Whitney sits down on

the couch next to me and twists around to face me,
tucking her legs in close. When she holds out the
glass of wine, I take it without hesitation. Lifting it
immediately to my lips I take a generous gulp,
welcoming the sweet taste.

“I’ve always been honest with you.” I nod

because she has. “That scene tonight, it both broke
my heart and mended it. The way he held onto her
like she was his lifeline, you could just see it in his
eyes, Blair. He loved her instantly.”

“I know.” Tears cloud my vision and I close my

eyes, taking in one slow breath after another.

“And you.” I open them once more and find her

staring at me. “He loves you too.”

I shake my head.
“You didn’t see what I saw. He messed up and

truth is I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive
him for the hand he played in that mess. But not for
a minute do I believe that he ever intended to hurt
you. I think in some crazy way he felt that
accepting that task from his sick father, in turn he
was keeping you safe. Because if he hadn’t been
the guy to play that role, it would have been
someone else, and we both know that things could
have been a lot worse. He was stuck with doing the
wrong thing or letting some innocent girl get
trapped in a world of destruction.”

“I still got trapped.” I take another drink of the

wine I hold, welcoming the taste that soothes the
dryness in my throat.

“We both saw the condition of his face that

night he showed up at my apartment.” He looked
awful and my heart hurt, thinking of what he’d
gone through that caused such damage. “He
obviously put up a fight to get to you.”

I know everything she is saying is true, but it

still doesn’t ease the pain of his betrayal.

“I won’t stop him from seeing Izzy.” Not after

all I know now. He loves her, and in my heart I
know without a doubt he’d never hurt her.

“And you?”

“For now that’s all I can give him.”
He still reminds me of a time I need to forget.

When I look in his eyes, though they are gorgeous,
they still bring back Gabe’s callous, hateful look.
His eyes are both a hard and sweet addition. Hard
because they are the eyes he shares with such an
evil man. Soft because they are also the same eyes
he shares with our daughter.

Whitney and I sit in silence as my heart and

head battle it out over what I should do next—how
to share Izzy without losing the independence I’ve
been building for myself. A huge part of me wants
more with Jake then simply sharing her. But the
fear in me, that haunting despair, reminds me how I
felt a year ago. I don’t want to be that girl ever
again.

“Will said Shawn tried to claim you.” I allow

my head to hang forward as I fight the laughter that
bubbles up in my chest. “Like he owned you or
something. She’s mine, you back off, the whole
banging on his chest and peeing on your leg kinda
shit.”

“It was so ridiculous.” I lift my head to meet

her gaze and find she is smiling wide. “He’s a nice
guy, truly he is. But honestly, I just want to beat
your brother for ever guilting me into that first date.
He’s like a bug you can’t swat away.”

“Will told my dad that he thought he was gonna

have to referee a full out claim the woman match.”

I can almost imagine their father smiling as he
listened to Will lay out the scene before him. “All
Dad had to say about it was that any man that
stands between a father and his daughter deserves
to get a beat down.”

“Sounds like your dad.”
Again the silence settles in as we both sit there

in the dark, drinking our wine.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I nod, though I’m

not sure. I feel like one day I could be, but right
now I still feel so torn, so raw.

“No matter what happens, whatever choices

you make, know I’m on your side.”

“I know.” She always has been.
“I’m gonna head to bed.” Whitney leans in and

kisses my temple. “I love you Blair, and I love that
little girl in the next room like she’s my own. I
don’t care what happens, nothing and no one will
ever trump that. You two come first, you always
will.”

Her words only make it even harder to fight

that empty ache inside of me. I have never in my
life been so torn over what move I should make
next. There’s too much at stake, mainly my
daughter. I want her to have a life with two loving
parents; that has been something I’ve wished for
from the start. I just never thought it could be a
reality. Now here we are, with me and her father
loving her. Throwing in my own unsettled feelings

about Jake will only complicate things. So for now,
I’ll tuck them away safe and ignore how hard it is
every time he’s near.

For Isabelle, I will do anything.

“ W

’

JUST

GOING

around the block,” Jake says

as he tucks Isabelle into her stroller. “I promise.”

He peeks up at me and I realize I have yet to

say a word. Instead I’ve been nodding the whole
time while I watch how careful he is with our
daughter. How he ensures her little legs are free and
clear before he snaps the buckle in place. He then
tests the strap that crisscrosses over her chest,
leaving nothing to chance. I’m completely lost in
how easy he’s falling into a protective mode with
her.

“Do you wanna come with us?”
“No.” I take in a deep breath and he smiles up

at me. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be so leery or—”

“I get it.” He stands. “You have my phone

number but you shouldn’t need it. I promise, just
once around the block.”

“It’s okay.” I take a step back. “This is your

time with her. I trust you.” Even he seems surprised
with that declaration. “Stop.” He chuckles when I
roll my eyes. “I’m gonna go in and take a shower,

maybe paint my toenails.” He looks down toward
my feet and I wiggle my toes, which only seems to
widen his smile.

“You mean to say that you’re gonna go inside

and stand near the window, peeking out every
couple minutes to see if we’re back yet?”

He’s right, except most likely I will be pacing

the floor in between each peek. It’s hard for me to
let her go, even if it is for a short time. “I’ve never
had to share her before.”

“What about when you’re at work?”
“Those are the hardest times of my life.” He

chuckles but the sad part is I’m not lying. It kills me
to leave her. Each time I do it’s with a lump in my
throat and a burning ache in my chest.

“My offer still stands,” he adds with a tilt of his

head. “You could tag along.” He stares at me, my
heart races, and Isabelle squeals, gaining attention
from both of us.

Suddenly I’m very thankful for my daughter’s

outburst. Stepping forward I place a kiss to her
forehead and then hold out her pacifier to Jake.

“Just in case.” He takes it and I try not to shiver

when his fingers skim over the palm of my hand.

“Say bye to Mommy, Iz,” Jake says, still staring

at me. His gaze falls to my lips and he pauses for a
few seconds before turning around and pushing the
stroller down the driveway. I remain right where I
am as I watch him walk away. A pair of jeans hug

his ass just right, and the dark shirt he wears shifts
from the movement of his taut muscles beneath. I
find myself wondering if he still looks the same
without those clothes on.

A shiver rushes through me and I turn around,

hurrying toward the safety of my apartment. It is
only a walk, but it already feels like they’ve been
gone a lifetime.

When I finally hear the soft knock on the front

door, I already know it is them. I’d watched only a
few seconds before as Jake pushed her up the
driveway then unbuckled her from her seat. I tried
to allow a little time to pass before I open the door,
but the second I do I know he has me figured out.

“Good attempt at a cover up, Blair, but I saw

you watching us through the front window.” I hide
my smile as I reach out and take Isabelle from him.

“She lasted about two minutes before she

started squealing.” Jake steps inside and I don’t
even question him as I walk toward the kitchen.
“She’s got a set of lungs on her.”

“That she does.” I toss him a glance over my

shoulder as I pause before the refrigerator. “Try
being woke up by that squeal at two in the
morning.” The minute I say it regret passes over his
face, and I feel awful for even bringing it up. “Do
you want to feed her?”

“Yeah.” Gone is that look of loss he held only

seconds ago and in its place is a smile of pure

excitement. Never did I ever think I’d feel turned
on by a man wanting to do nothing more than feed
his infant daughter, but I’m proven wrong. Seeing
him with Isabelle is hell on my strength to remain
nothing more than friends.

“We have apple, peach, or banana.”
“Bananas.” He reaches out for Isabelle and she

goes to him willingly. Seeing her in his arms is a
beautiful vision. I reach in the cabinet and grab the
bananas and a spoon before pointing toward the
highchair.

“Can’t I just hold her?”
“Depends,” I say with a laugh. “Do you want to

wear this?” I wiggle the small jar of food and it’s his
turn to laugh.

“Point taken.” He walks toward the chair and

after a very delicate maneuver he has her securely
strapped in. “Okay.” Jake rubs his hands together
eagerly as he looks over his shoulder at me. “What
now?”

It is time to break Daddy in, I think to myself. I

hold out the bananas and the spoon.

“Feed your daughter.” I notice immediately the

way his nostrils flare as if he is fighting off some
emotions that the word daughter brought out in
him. But before either of us brings it up he grabs
both items from me and turns back to Isabelle.

“All right baby girl, let’s do this.”

Chapter Ten

AKE

“ I

THAT

…” Whitney reaches out and touches my

forehead before pulling her hand back to her. I
watch as she wrinkles her nose and sniffs whatever
it is she now has on her finger. “…bananas?”

Blair laughs from behind me and I toss her a

look I’m hoping reminds her I don’t want to talk
about it. Let’s just say it doesn’t.

“He fed Izzy her lunch.” Blair takes a step back

when I lunge for her. “He said he had it covered,
but the only thing that got covered was him. He
insisted on feeding her while holding her on his lap
after she refused to eat while strapped in her seat.”

Whitney snickers and Blair grabs for her

stomach once again as a round of laughter rips
through her. I take it as my chance to attack and
suddenly she is tossed up over my shoulder,
squealing and wiggling around in an attempt to
break free.

“Oh my god, put me down.”
“I thought I said we weren’t gonna talk about

it.”

“You said that,” she says breathlessly. “I didn’t

agree. Because it’s too funny not to share.”

“How the hell did you get banana on the back

of your arm, Jake?” I look back over my shoulder
to see Whitney staring at the space on my arm. I
have no response because quite frankly I don’t
have a fucking clue.

“Isabelle threw her spoon and when he turned

around to get it she squealed.” Blair’s body shakes
against my shoulder with deep laughter. “It was like
a fountain of banana’s heading right for him.”

I slap her ass and again she squeals, sounding

much like our daughter.

“Put me down, you Neanderthal.”
Not a fucking chance. This is the first time I’ve

felt this relaxed since I got to Iowa. There’s no way
I’m letting it go.

“I’m going to Trevor’s,” Whitney announces,

and I want to thank her for giving us more time
alone. Though I know she isn’t doing it as a favor
to me, I still feel thankful for the chance.

“Whitney,” Blair whines as she kicks her legs,

still attempting to wiggle free from my hold on her.

“Bye.”
I can hear the humor in her tone.
I begin walking toward the stairs that lead to the

upstairs bathroom and Blair places her hands
against my back, using them as leverage to look
where we are going.

“What are you doing?”
“I’m gonna clean this shit off myself,” I reply

without a second of hesitation. “Since I have it in
my hair, on my back and god knows where else,
I’m going to need a little help.”

She grows silent and I don’t question it.

Stepping in to the bathroom, I lower her feet to the
floor and look around for a rag. Finding a basket on
the stand behind the toilet, I grab one and hold it
out to Blair.

“Here,” I lean back against the vanity, “help.”
I ignore the way her hands shake as she reaches

past me to hold the rag beneath the water. I take
the time to breath in her scent, one I’ve missed
every day since she’s been gone.

When she stands tall once more and holds out

the now damp cloth, I shake my head and point
toward her instead. She hesitates; I already know
she’s questioning every second that has passed and
those coming next. Instead of letting her find some
way out of this, I place my hand over hers, guiding

it to my forehead. I watch her closely, her gaze
connecting with mine instead of the spot she is now
dragging the wash cloth across. Without a second to
change my mind, I place my hands on her hips and
she takes in a deep shuddering breath. I know we
are alone, our daughter fast asleep in her bed,
which only adds to the intimate feeling of this time
between us.

I allow my eyes to close when the cloth lowers

and skims over my cheek before touching the side
of my neck. She may not have meant for her touch
to leave me unsteady, but that is exactly what it
does.

“I’ve missed you,” I confess, opening my eyes

to find her staring back at me. “Missed the way I
feel when I’m with you.”

“Jake.” My name falls from her lips in a plea.
“No one has ever made me feel as whole as

you. I don’t deserve it, Blair, but damn it, I want
another shot.” I can already see her retreating as
she lowers her hand. “I want the chance to show
you how good we could be together.”

“I can’t.”
My movements surprise her as I pull her body

against mine and she stops talking.

“Can’t or won’t?”
Tears pool in her eyes and she presses her lips

into a tight line, fearful, maybe, of what she might
say next. I lean in, my eyes locked with hers,

craving the feel of her lips on mine. Just as they’re
about to touch, her breath fanning out over my
mouth, she lowers her head.

“Both,” she whispers in response to the

question I’d asked only seconds ago.

“What’s stopping you?”
I feel her stepping back and a huge part of me

wants to hold her hips tighter, but instead I let her
gain the distance she needs.

“Every time I look at you I’m reminded of that

night.” Blairs confession slices through me. “I’m
reminded of the things he said to me, and the way
he touched me. It’s almost like I’m brought back to
that very minute, feeling dirty all over again.”

“God, no.” I reach out for her and she shrugs

away.

“I see you standing before me, but I hear the

echo of his threats.”

“He’s gone, Blair. They all are,” I regret not

pulling the trigger to end my brother. Prison isn’t a
harsh enough punishment.

“He’s not gone.” She lifts her hand to her head

and points just as a tear falls over her cheek. “He’s
in here, always in here. And when I look into your
eyes, even though I know you aren’t him, I’m
reminded of him.”

“Let me wash away those memories, please,” I

beg, feeling myself slipping beyond my control.
“Let me remind you of us, of who we were.”

“You can’t.” Blair shakes her head.
“Why?” I suddenly feel frantic as I think of my

chances with her being gone forever.

“Because those times, they were all a lie. We

were only playing a game, a fantasy. Those times
are gone.” It’s my turn to shake my head.

She backs away even more, bumping into the

wall behind her. I reach out, grip the back of her
neck and pull her in to me, the front of her body
crashing against mine. With my forehead pressing
to hers, I do my best to convey what I’m feeling
without acting on the emotions racing through me.

“Nothing about my time with you, of who we

were together then, was a lie. That was me, and
everything I said to you, every touch I gave you,
that was me loving you.”

“No.” I ignore her attempt to deny it. “And I

still love you. I know I always will.” I take the
chance, one I know I will probably regret, and I
cover her lips with my own. She turns her head,
moving her mouth away from mine and I follow.
“Yes,” I kiss her once more and warmth fills me. “I
fucking love you, Blair, and I want this. I want my
family, please don’t deny me that. You and Isabelle
are my family, the only one I have and the only one
I want.”

She shudders against me when I press my lips to

hers once more. Placing one hand on the center of
her back I ensure she can’t escape. I need her to

understand me, to accept my feelings. The idea of
her rejection terrifies me.

“I don’t know if I can give you what you

want.”

Her words shatter me and I forgo the attempt at

kissing her and simply hold her in a desperate hug
instead.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. I don’t want her

apologies, I just want her love.

“ Y

LOOK

SHIT

MAN

.” I roll over in my hotel

bed and come face to face with Farris. The guy
appears like he’s been dancing on clouds. I assume
it’s because he spent last night tucked safely in bed
with Sadie. My guess at his feelings for her were
right. The guy is smitten. I think he loves the idea
that she needs him so much; he likes that kind of
shit. Plus, she busts his balls and he feeds off the
banter they share.

“Is there a reason why you’re standing over my

bed at,” I lean up and look at the clock at the side
of my bed, “seven in the morning?”

“Sadie said you need a friend.” He shrugs.

“Also because we need to talk.”

“About what?” I try to roll away and he only

places his hand on my shoulder to stop me.

“Your new job.” This gains my attention.

“Thought you’d be interested in knowing that just
yesterday I met one of your new superiors.”

“Dick?”
“Can be.” I wait for him to elaborate. “Real

hard ass, stickler for paperwork, follows the straight
path. Doesn’t care much for those in his command
thinking they can get something past him.”

“So he’s your clone.” I throw my arm up over

my face to block out the light of the room. It would
seem that I’ve hit an unlucky streak. First last night
with Blair and now this.

“Guy’s a real prick when things don’t go his

way.” He is loving the idea of me working for some
douche. “Good thing you know just how I prefer
shit to go, so we shouldn’t have any problem
working together.”

I take in a deep breath, thinking that maybe I

can convince Blair to move, knowing already there
is no way that will happen. Then Farris’ words
register in my mind.

I lift my arm, and peek up at him through

squinted eyes.

“Working together?” His smile widens. “You’re

my fucking superior?”

“It looks that way.”
“But…” I pause as I sit up on the bed and

shake my head in disbelief. He’s gotta be out of his
damn mind. “You took a job in Ankeny?” He nods.

“But you love being a detective in Chicago.”

“Yeah,” he sits down on the bed beside me,

“but sometimes you gotta make hard choices, not
just for yourself but for those you care about.
You’re here and there’s that woman in the next
room, too. I can’t pretend that she didn’t take my
heart with her when she left the city to come here
with you. She’s got me all bound up inside, I think
she has since the minute I found her hidden in her
apartment after she hit fucking rock bottom. I love
her, Jake.”

“Like I didn’t already know that.”
“So, she tells me that you’ve been struggling

with this woman of yours.”

“She’s not my woman,” I say in correction.

“She made that clear as glass last night.”

He chuckles and I look at him, wondering what

in the hell is so funny.

“You giving up, just like that?”
“What else am I supposed to do?”
“You fight her until she accepts the truth,” he

tells me, like it should be obvious to me.

“And what truth is that?”
“That you love her and your time is not over.

That her place is with you, her life is with you.” If
only convincing her was that easy. “I’ve seen you
so determined on something that nothing else
around you seems to phase you. I’ve watched you
take down men that share your blood and not once

did you break. This woman, she’s got you so
fucking tied up, that alone tells me all I need to
know.”

I look him dead in the eye, wondering what shit

he’s about to spout now.

“Your heart belongs with her and your

daughter. You deserve the family they took from
you, Jake. Don’t give up until you have it. Now
let’s go get some breakfast. I know the perfect
place.”

I should have said no, but I was living in a

fantasy as I got dressed and convinced myself that
somehow I could swoop into Spencer’s and show
Blair that her brushing me off last night was a
mistake.

I really should have thought things through a

little better.

Fifteen minutes later I’m sitting in a booth at

the restaurant where she works, and she is standing
in the doorway that I believe leads back to the
kitchen. She is glaring at the table where I sit like
she’s seen the devil. Only it isn’t me that has made
her so angry, at least not until I rush to her and
open my fucking mouth, only driving yet another
wedge between us.

“What is she doing here?” Blair says as she

looks over my shoulder toward the table where not
only Farris sits, but Sadie sits too.

“She is the woman that came here with me.”

Blair pulls her attention from them and stares at me
with anger, and maybe disappointment. “She’s not
the same person you left in Chicago.”

“I left?”
“You know what I mean.” I try to ease through

this situation and I only manage to irritate her more
in the process.

“First off, we asked her to come with us. But

that was before I found out that not only was she
addicted to god knows what kinds of drugs, she’d
been screwing my ex-boyfriend to get those drugs.
Forgive me for not patting her on the back and
telling her that her betrayal didn’t crush me.”

“Can we go somewhere and talk?”
“No, we can’t.” She doesn’t even attempt to

think it over. “I have a job to do and you have
company waiting for you. But just so we are clear,
she is not to be anywhere near my daughter.”

“Our daughter,” I correct her.
“Fight me on this.” She steps closer, her eyes

locking with mine. “It’s good to know where your
loyalty lies.”

“That’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair is that she has now managed to

wiggle her way into the bed of not one but two men
from my past.” Her insinuation pisses me off. “He
supplied her drugs and I guess you supply a roof
over her head.”

“I told you before and I’ll tell you again, she

and I are just friends.”

We stand face to face, glaring at each other as

we each refuse to back down.

“She doesn’t come anywhere near Isabelle.”
“But you can bring Shawn around her.”
“The only times he has ever met her was when

she was with Will. He and I went out once, that was
it. I’m not interested in him.”

“I believe you.” She narrows her eyes.

“Imagine that.” I don’t wait for her to respond
because I need some space of my own at this point.
If not, I’m going to end up doing something real
fucking stupid, like dragging her ass out of here and
locking her in a room until she has no other choice
but to face our demons.

All of them.

Chapter Eleven

LAIR

VERY

TIME

I exit the kitchen I refuse to look in

Jake and Sadie’s direction. How can he bring her
here? How can he think that after everything she
did I would be okay with this? Like I could just
forget the lies she told, the way she screwed Nate,
most likely while I was in the next room, as if it was
nothing.

I busy myself with my section. Thank god they

aren’t in it. I think had that been the case I would
have faked an illness or worse, quit.

“Break time,” Carol holds out her hand to me,

“give me your orders and take an extra five.”

“I’m fine.”

“It’s a good thing I’m not gullible. Now go.”
I hand her my pad, turn around and walk right

back through the door I just exited. I should have
moved to some foreign country and changed my
name, I swear. My past and all the things I want to
forget are showing up here to haunt me. I’m being
crazy, I know, because I wouldn’t take back the
fact that now Izzy has her daddy, but for one damn
day I want a drama free life.

I push open the back door and step out into the

alley, breathing in the warm air. There is a small
grassy area where Wilber had a picnic table placed
just beneath a small awning for his employees to
escape to when we felt the need to get out on our
breaks. I find my way over to it, sit down and rest
my head onto my arms folded before me. Closing
my eyes tightly, I try to see the good in what is
happening. Only the harder I analyze it the more
irritated I become. He had so many chances to tell
me it was Sadie in the hotel room next to his, only
he left those details out.

“Blair.” My body freezes as I keep my head

down in attempt to hide my reaction. I can hear her
feet shuffling against the gravel of the alley. “I
didn’t come here to cause you any trouble.”

“Then why did you come?” I spin around to

face her and instantly notice how different she
looks. I think before I was blinded by my anger and
all I could see was the strung-out girl who had

betrayed me. Her hair is shorter now, bobbed in a
cute style that frames her face and her cheeks look
fuller, healthier even.

“I didn’t want to at first. I told Jake it would be

a mistake and that you’ve already been through
enough.” I can’t be fooled this time by her
sincerity. It was all lies before, and I’ll give her this,
she is a great actress. “He showed up at the clinic
to pick me up with my things already packed for
the trip.”

“The clinic?”
“Rehab. I spent an extensive amount of time in

and out of one treatment facility after another once
you and Whitney left.” She looks down and shame
fills her features. I’ve known her long enough to
recognize her need to settle herself. “Then Jake and
Lark found me—”

“Who’s Lark?”
“The guy inside with Jake. He calls him Farris,

Detective Farris maybe, but they’re all the same
person.”

I nod, giving her the go ahead to continue. I’m

not sure anything she says will make me hate her
less, but I feel so defeated at this point that I
wonder if letting her get it all out will just make it
all go away somehow.

“They found me in my apartment, hiding in a

corner, paranoid and strung out on whatever it was
the guy I’d just met in a bar had fed me. It was my

lowest point and honestly, in that moment I just
wished for it to end. I wanted to close my eyes and
never open them again.” I look down at the ground
before us as I will the tears I feel pooling in my
eyes to go away. “I don’t want your pity and I
don’t expect your forgiveness.”

“Then what do you want, Sadie?”
“I just want you to know I was so far gone

during the time that I hurt you, that I don’t think I
could comprehend right from wrong. All I could see
was my chance for the next high and it didn’t
matter who gave it to me, or what I had to do to get
it. But I am sorry it was you that I hurt in the
process, because you never deserved that. You
were always so good to me, you and Whitney
both.”

She takes in a deep shuddering breath as she

looks to her side.

“I guess I just came out here to tell you that

Jake and I have never been more than friends. He is
the person that forced me to see that I needed help
and then him and Lark made sure I got it. I don’t
want the things I did to you to come between what
the two of you could have.”

“He’s Isabelle’s father.” Her gaze finds mine

once more. “There is nothing else between us.”

“I think you know that’s not true, without me or

anyone else telling you so.”

“What I do know is that you willingly led me to

him, you helped him get me to that bar. Then you
played along while he pretended to have feelings
for me, while he led me to believe that I was safe
with him.” She tries to speak but I cut her off.
“Then I was assaulted outside of Miller’s by his
brother, while you were off getting high somewhere
and he was—”

“Getting the crap knocked out of him by his

father’s men as he tried to get to you.” Her abrupt
interruption surprises me. “He sat in a dark room,
staring into the eyes of men with guns, wondering
to himself if he could survive a gunshot long
enough to get to you and hide you someplace safe.
Even from the beginning all he ever wanted was to
make sure that they didn’t get to you. It was why
he took the job in the first place, so that he could be
with you and try to find the answers they needed.”

“And in the end, they still got to me.”
Sadie stares at me, my words hitting a place

deep inside her as she shifts the weight of her body
from one foot to the next.

“He’s not like them. I knew from the beginning

that he had the best intentions when it came to you.
It’s why I helped him. I was trapped in Gabe’s
world, I knew how he was. Their father wanted
Gabe to go to you and not give in until he got what
they wanted.” Just the idea of that makes my
stomach turn. “Believe me, Gabe doesn’t play
nice.”

I watch her as she rubs at a space on her arm

and I can’t help but wonder how she knew those
words to be true.

“Why didn’t you just tell me, Sadie?” She could

have warned me. “All you had to do was warn me
of who they were, of what they were after.”

“Because if I did, neither of us would have

walked away.” The depth of her words hits me
hard. “I’ve witnessed the ramifications of crossing
the Gunthers. I may not have wanted to know, but
they made sure I understood what they could do if I
didn’t cooperate. As hard as it was to hide the
truth, it was even harder to imagine them hurting
you.”

I shiver at the thought.
“I won’t ask for your forgiveness, but I will ask

that you not punish Jake for the wrongs of his
family. He’s thought of the day he’d find you again
since you left him on the street that afternoon. No
matter how much he pushed, I never told him
where you’d gone. He found that out on his own.”
Friends in high places…I remember Warren telling
me that very thing. “All he wanted then was you,
and all he wants now is you and Isabelle. He wants
his family, Blair, because the two of you are the
only real one he’s ever had.”

Sadie doesn’t wait for me to argue or agree. She

doesn’t wait for me to tell her all the reasons why I
can’t give him what she’s asked. Instead she turns

and walks away, leaving me alone with my
thoughts, alone with my doubts and even my
regrets.

“ I

SHE

ASLEEP

?” I step into the living room and

look out the front window as I nod in response.
“Wanna talk about it?”

“What’s there to talk about?”
“Jake.” Just the sound of his name manages to

tie the knots I have in my stomach even tighter.
“And the reasons why you keep insisting that you
don’t feel for him what he feels for you. Or how
about why you keep telling yourself that all he is to
you is the father of your child, a piece of your past
you left behind when we moved out of the city? Or
we could talk about the fact that you are lying to
yourself and it pisses me off.”

I turn around to face Whitney as she stares

back at me with the determination I only see when
she has reached her limits.

“For days, weeks even I have watched you

battle this thing in your mind. I’ve watched you
bury yourself with worry, fight what you truly want,
and I used to say that when we were in Chicago I’d
seen you at you saddest, but I can’t say that
anymore.” I sit on the chair and hang my head,

taking in one deep breath after another. “You’re
lost, Blair, because you are denying yourself
something I know in your heart you want.”

“I can’t forget—”
“Don’t forget,” she interrupts me, “but forgive.

He loves you and he loves Isabelle. I’m not saying
jump in head first without caution, but I am telling
you to stop holding onto the past. He is here, and
his entire family is in prison because he stopped at
nothing to ensure they ended up there. My god,
Blair, he became a cop in the end. He is a good guy.
You have to stop punishing him and yourself for
what took place. He is here for you and for Iz. Give
the guy a chance to prove to you that he isn’t the
man we both imagined him to be.”

“I’m scared.” The confession makes my throat

burn with emotions I keep fighting.

“I know.” Whitney stands and moves toward

me as she kneels on the floor in front of my chair.
“I just think you’ve lost enough already. Why lose
this chance at happiness too?”

Chapter Twelve

AKE

“ I

DOESN

’

SEEM

to matter what angle I go at, she

finds just one more excuse as to why it won’t
work.” I can feel my mind grow hazy, my body
experiencing alcohol-induced tingles. “I tell her I
love her, she says I remind her of those dark times
in Chicago. I tell her I need her, both her and
Isabelle in my life, she tells me she can’t give me
what I need.”

“Sadie told me I was too good for her,” Farris

interjects, pulling me out of my self-pity filled
cloud. “So I showed her all the ways I could be
bad.”

“I don’t need a recap, man.” I lift my beer to

take another swig and hear him chuckle. “The walls
are thin, you bastard. I don’t need you adding any
visuals to what I’ve already heard.”

I hear a car door closing and lie my head back

against the lounger. We probably shouldn’t be
sitting outside near the outdoor pool, downing one
beer after another, but at this point I need it. I want
to wash away the ache I feel inside me, if even only
for a few hours.

“That woman looks familiar.”
I lift my head and the area around me does a

little waving motion as it tries to catch up.

“Fuck, I think I drank one too many.” I laugh at

myself as I grip the arm of the chair and try to
focus.

“Isn’t that your girl’s friend?” I am finally able

to see Farris clearly, and he is looking off toward
the parking lot.

“What?” I try to lean forward, and fall a little

too far as I place my hand on the ground before me
to keep from face planting against the concrete pad
that surrounds the pool. It most definitely was not a
smart idea to get blitzed near a swimming pool.

By this time Farris is out of his chair and

walking toward the front entrance of the hotel. I
think about following him, but decide to stay put.
Going for a midnight dunk doesn’t sound good.

“Hey.” Farris’ voice echoes across the open

space. He waves his arms in the air and it’s then I

see what he was talking about. Whitney rushes
toward the fenced area that surrounds the pool. Her
face is still a blur as I try to blink past the haze. Still
wearing her pajamas, she leans against the fence,
taking in a deep, calming breath.

“Don’t you believe in answering your phone?”

Instantly I reach for my back pocket and find it
empty. “I’ve been calling you. Blair’s been blowing
up your phone too.”

“What’s wrong?” I stand and wobble on my

feet, kicking the chair and practically tripping over
the leg.

“Great, you’re drunk.” She throws her hands up

in the air and I’m thrown back to the time in
Chicago when she went off on me in the hallway
outside her apartment. “Just forget it.”

When she spins on her heels and starts walking

back toward the parking lot, I force my legs to
move. “What’s wrong, Whit?”

“Call in the morning when you’re sober enough

to comprehend and I’ll fill you in.”

“No.” I reach the fence and try my damnedest

to open the gate, cursing the latch that I’m sure had
I been sober I wouldn’t be having so much trouble
opening. “Will you wait a damn minute?” I look
over at Farris who is watching me with a puzzled
look on his face. “Open this fucking thing, will ya?”
He chuckles before reaching out and lifting the
lever, causing the gate to swing open.

“Fucking smartass,” I mumble as I jog, okay, it

is more like a stumble, toward Whitney with Farris
hot on my heels.

“You came here for a purpose, so tell me.”
Whitney lets out a huff of breath, placing her

hands on her hips. “Your daughter is running a
hundred and three temp.” An alarmed feeling hits
me. “Blair took her to the emergency room and she
thought maybe you would want to be there too.
Actually, I think more than anything, she needs you
to be there.”

Well, kick me in the fucking nuts, why don’t ya.
“Let’s go.” I take a step toward her car and she

places her hand against my chest.

“You are not going anywhere near the hospital

like this,” she waves her hand over the vicinity of
my chest. “You need to drink some coffee, water,
hell I don’t know. But when you can actually walk
a straight line without assistance, then you come
and be with Blair and your daughter.”

A huge part of me wants to argue with her, but I

know she is right.

“Come on.” I feel a tug on my arm and the

action makes me stumble once more. “Let’s get
you sobered up.” I allow Farris to drag me toward
the front of the hotel, but just before we step inside
I holler out for Whitney.

“Hey!” She is standing near her car, and it

appears she is texting someone. She looks up and

simply stares at me. “Can you tell her that I’ll be
there soon?”

“Yeah.” She waves her hand in the air in the

dramatic fashion that only Whitney herself has
mastered. “I got this, now get your ass straightened
up because your girls need you.”

My girls. I love the sound of that.
“I need them too.” That is an understatement. I

want them so badly that I can’t seem to focus on
anything other than that need.

HOURS

later and a whole helluva lot of coffee,

I stand outside the door that leads to the room my
daughter is in. It’s quiet, the halls scarce of
movement. It is after three in the morning and
though I wanted to be here sooner, Whit was right.
I couldn’t show up in the condition she’d found me
in.

I lean in a little closer to the door, listening for

any indication they are awake. When I’m met with
nothing but silence I slowly push open the door and
peek inside. In a crib that looks more like a cage,
Isabelle is curled up, snuggled in a blanket. Call it a
protective nature, or whatever, but I don’t like that
she was pinned inside the fucked up looking
contraption. I fight the urge inside me to walk over

and figure out how to get her out of there. I’d spend
all day and night holding her if it meant she wasn’t
stuck in there.

“Hi.” A soft whisper breaks through my

irritated state, and the second I see Blair curled up
on a leather recliner I move toward her without a
second to reconsider. Her eyes widen just a fraction
when I kneel next to her and reach out to hug her
close.

“Is she okay?”
“Viral infection.” I release my tight hold on her,

but keep my hands on her legs that are tucked up in
front of her. “She’s dehydrated because I can’t get
her to drink anything. Her fever didn’t help either.”

I look over toward Izzy when I hear the rustling

sounds of her movements.

“They just want to keep her overnight, get some

fluids in her.” I nod, still watching my daughter
closely. “If her fever stays down then she may get
to go home tomorrow.”

“Sorry I wasn’t here.” Add my absence to the

long list of fuckups I’ve managed to accomplish
with Blair and now Isabelle.

“It’s okay.”
“No.” I look away from Isabelle and find Blair

watching me closely. “It’s not. I picked the wrong
night to take a trip down pity lane.” She tilts her
head to the side but says nothing. “Wanting
something so fucking bad, but being unable to take

it, its killer.”

She looks like she wants to say something, but I

don’t give her a chance to.

“Do you mind if I stay?”
“Depends,” a smile tugs at the corner of her

mouth as she looks down at the chair she’s in, “do
you think we can both fit in this chair?” I do my
best not to convey the excitement I feel inside from
the idea of being close to her. But damn, I feel that
shit down deep.

“How about you get up and let me take your

spot? Then you can curl up in my lap.” Again that
smile pulls at her lips, and I wonder for a second if
maybe I pushed when I shouldn’t have. Then she
slowly stands, my hands falling away at her
movements.

When she places one hand on each of my

shoulders and looks down at me, I feel my heart
race. “I’m trying to remember the man you were,
the guy from my apartment who made me feel
safe.”

I close my eyes and take in a deep breath.
“Maybe you can help me.”
I nod because there isn’t one thing I want more.
“I can’t make any promises, Jake, but I’m

willing to try.”

She weakens me, and I feel it in my chest.
I open my eyes and find her watching me with

softness in hers, a look I recognize from our times

together. It’s the way she would look at me just
before I’d kiss her.

“We’ll take things one day at a time. As long as

I have you and Isabelle, I don’t care how long it
takes. I want both of you, more than I’ve ever
wanted anything in my life.”

Blair surprises me as she slouches just enough

to press a soft kiss to my lips. One that ends much
too fast, but says a million unspoken words.

Chapter Thirteen

LAIR

“ G

OOD

MORNING

YUMMINESS

.”

I peek through the hair that has fallen free from

my ponytail to find Marcy and Whitney standing in
the doorway of Isabelle’s hospital room.

“Hang on, don’t move.” Marcy starts to dig

through her bag. “I need to capture this. One,
because it is the sweetest thing ever and two,
because I wanna know why Will never holds me
like that.”

I feel Jake shift beneath me and look to my left

to find him smiling even though his eyes are still
closed.

“I probably shouldn’t say it’s because I love

you more, should I?”

I nudge him in the stomach with my elbow and

he lets out an umph sound followed by a deep
chuckle. I won’t mention the fact that the way he is
shifting beneath me is doing nothing to hide his
morning excitement. It is currently poking me in the
hip, making it really hard to focus on the two ladies
in front of us who are still watching us close.

“I’d ask how last night went, but from the looks

of it I’d say it went well.” Whitney chimes in,
arching her brow and doing nothing to hide the
amusement from her face.

“She slept really well once the medicine kicked

in.”

“Not what I was talking about,” Whitney

mumbles while walking past us to the crib. “But
that is good to know, too.”

I don’t want to move; being snuggled against

Jake feels nice. More than nice, actually. Though I
slept with very little room to move or stretch out,
I’d slept better than I had in a long time. His
warmth is comforting and had we not just gotten
company, I think I would have stayed just where I
am. But it is time to get up.

I am trying to take Whitney’s advice and

forgive the past. I want to believe more than
anything that Jake and I have something even if it is
surrounded by lies. I owe it to myself and to our
daughter to give our little family a true shot.

Isabelle looks up at all of us as we look at her

through the side of the crib. I laugh, remembering
the comment Jake made about his daughter being
caged like some wild animal. When I look to my
left to see him smiling back at me, I know he’s
thinking the same thing.

When Izzy starts kicking her legs and her lower

lip puckers out, I feel an overwhelming urge to
snatch her up and comfort her. Only I don’t get that
chance. It’s Daddy to the rescue. He moves faster
than I think any of us expect as he grips the edge of
the railing, lowers it, and within seconds my little
butterball is curled up in her daddy’s arms.

My heart is so full. Tears spring to my eyes and

I place my palm to my chest, trying to contain the
ache that now lies there.

“It’s okay, baby,” he consoles her, “shh.” Jake

sways from side to side, patting her lower back
softly just as I had directed him to once before.

“Wow,” Marcy sighs, and Whitney just stares at

Jake like she’s seeing a unicorn in real life or
something. Her look is one of shock and
amazement.

When Isabelle lays her head on his shoulder

and with her little hand fists his shirt, he kisses her
head and a single tear falls over my cheek. This
right there, this exchange has got to be most
precious one I have ever seen before. Perfection,
absolutely without a doubt in my mind, something

that will be etched in my memory for the rest of my
life.

Jake looks up at me through his lashes that are

too gorgeous for any man to be blessed with and
grins. Like he read my mind, he winks then closes
his eyes, taking in every millisecond our daughter
remains in his arms.

“ I

’

SMALL

,” Jake says as he runs his hand

through his hair and turns in a complete circle in
the middle of what is supposed to be a living room.

“No,” I correct him as I shift Isabelle on my

hip, getting a more secure grasp of her wiggling
body. “It’s super tiny.” Ten steps and I am across
his living room, standing in his kitchen. “Can you
even fit a couch in there?” I point toward the space
where I’d just stood and see his eyebrows crinkle.
A few seconds pass before he nods, moves his lips
as if counting and then locks his eyes with mine.

“Nope,” he chuckles. “A chair, maybe, but

definitely not a couch. I want to be close to you
and Isabelle, though, and this is all I can find.”

I think it is sweet that he is willing to live in a

tiny space just to be near us. But this is just
ridiculous.

“What about Sadie?” She’s a topic neither of us

have really discussed since the morning at
Spencer’s but I have to ask.”

“Farris got a place across town and she’s

moving in with him.” Again he looks around the
small apartment letting the topic fade quickly. “I
did measure the bedroom and I’ll be able to have a
full size bed in there, so that’s a plus.” I have to
laugh at him because he was really doing his very
best to find the good in this dreadful situation.

“Can you fit a crib in there?”
He pauses, looking toward the bedroom before

back to me once more. His hand goes up toward his
hair once more, and this time he actually scratches
his head like he is deep in thought.

“Is it weird to put a crib in the hallway?”
“You are not taking this place.” I shake my

head, spinning around to walk toward the front
door.

“Wait? What?” Before I can open it, he is

blocking me as he leans against the front door with
his back. “Why?”

“Because it’s no bigger than my closet and

Whitney’s combined. It’s ridiculous.”

“You’re kind of cute when you get all worked

up.” Isabelle squeals, but Jake still stares at me.
“And besides, if things go the way I hope they will,
one day the three of us will be looking for a bigger,
more permanent place.”

When he cups the back of my neck with his

palm and brings his face even closer I feel my heart
rate spike.

Of course, Izzy has to be a part of it all too and

picks that moment to tap at the side of Jake’s face
and tug happily on my hair.

“I think she likes that idea.” He chooses to

ignore her overly excited reaction and gently
brushes his lips over mine. “Besides, having a
smaller place means that the three of us have no
other choice but to remain as close as we possibly
can whenever we’re here.”

Smooth.
I smile against his lips and he decides at that

moment to kiss me. I’ve never had a problem
getting lost in Jake whenever he’s being all suave
and sweet. When he kisses me, it’s kind of like my
head feels as though it can’t comprehend a single
thing but the way his lips feel against my own.

“I already signed the six-month lease anyway,

so I’m stuck.” Of course he did, bringing us here
had nothing to do with getting my opinion. “I say
we order takeout and crash on an air mattress with
our girl.” Oh, the simple things.

“What makes you think I want to spend the

night?”

“A guy can hope.” This right here, this relaxed,

playful tone, it’s what I loved most about the time
we shared before. Jake gave me the best sense of
security and being here with him reminds me that

the guy I knew in the city is still the man with me
now. The difference is we don’t have that dark
cloud called his family hanging over our heads any
longer. This time we are free.

“You gotta a pump for that air mattress?”
“I love when you talk dirty to me.” I push

against his chest and he grips my hips. Izzy yanks
my hair a little harder, and I do my best to untangle
her fingers from the matted mess she’s created.

“I do think that we should get the Pack ’n Play

from my house for Izzy, though.” I don’t look at
him because I’m fearful I’ll lose my courage.
“She’s a wiggler when she sleeps.”

“Is that the only reason?” My eyes flutter as he

kisses over my cheek and moves toward my ear.
“Or is it something else?”

“It is strictly for our safety.” I sigh when his lips

close over my earlobe and gently suck. “I wouldn’t
want her to keep you up all night kicking and—”
The words fade away.

“I would much rather you keep me up all

night.”

Yes, mmhmm, that sounds good to me too.

Chapter Fourteen

AKE

CRAWL

OVER

HER

BODY

, careful not to move too

fast. Air mattresses fucking suck when you are
trying to be gentle. The fact that with every
movement Blair is shifting from side to side would
have made me laugh had she been wearing
anything more than a tight tank top and barely-
there panties.

My head is fucking spinning.
I look up toward the Pack ’n Play where

Isabelle is sleeping soundly just as I lower myself
over Blair.

“She’ll sleep through just about anything.”
Good because the last thing I want is for

anything to interrupt what is about to take place.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I whisper in the

darkness, kissing along her jaw. Her neck arches
back, opening herself to me, and her body presses
upward into mine. “Missed touching you and
holding you.” My hands tremble with the strong
need to break through this reserve I’m desperately
trying to hang onto. I feel like at any minute the
crazy needy fucker inside me is going to break free
and this time between us is going to be over too
fast.

“Missed you too.”
I pause, looking down at her as her eyes meet

mine. Her legs part, fitting perfectly to the outside
of my hips as I settle in to the space between.
When she hooks her legs together behind my lower
back I can’t stop myself from shifting forward. I am
so hard it hurts, but that has always been the issue
with Blair. My body always reacts to her, whether
she is as she is now, or fully clothed. There is this
deep pull I feel toward her, this connection I can’t
fight.

She toys with the hair at the back of my neck

with her fingers and uses her grasp to pull me
closer.

“Kiss me,” she demands, and I give her what

she wants. A slow kiss at first, but she quickly takes
more, gliding her tongue over my lower lip.
Together we rock our hips while we express with

our mouth the same motion, like a prequel of
what’s to come.

Her nipples bead beneath the thin material of

her shirt and as she rocks against me they continue
to tease. I want to taste them, toy with them, sliding
my tongue over the hard pebble. Taking my time, I
skim over her side with the tips of my finger as I
continue to kiss her. Slipping beneath the hem of
her shirt, I slowly start to lift until the palm of my
hand is laying flat over her. Her elated breaths give
me the confirmation I need to continue. She wants
this as desperately as I do.

There are still times when this feels like a

dream, her and me, here together. I’d reached the
point where I thought I’d never get the chance to
touch her again, but now here we are. I feel like the
luckiest man alive.

Careful to remain calmer than I feel inside, I

start sliding my hand upward until I cup her breast.
I use my thumb to toy with the hardened peak. She
gasps into our kiss when I pinch softly and tweak
gently.

“Yes,” she whispers into our kiss before diving

in once more, harder this time and more desperate.
“Don’t stop.” I had to smile because I was just
thinking the same thing in my mind. There was no
way I could stop.

Kissing down the side of her neck and along her

now exposed chest, I find her nipple and bite

delicately. She doesn’t wait before she too begins to
explore. She dives her hand beneath the band of my
boxers, takes me into her hand, and fists me firmly.
Careful to go slow, she begins to slide up and down
over me and a moan falls from my lips which seems
to please her.

“Slow,” I tell her, and immediately she begins to

shake her head. The movements of her fist grower
faster and tighter. Jesus, she is trying to torture me.

I notice with her other hand she is tugging at the

side of her panties and I lift my hips just enough to
look down between us.

“I need more.” She is hurrying to get them out

of the way and I’m hypnotized by her movements
and desperation for me.

Suddenly, there she lies beneath me, bare and

waiting, still gripping my cock tight.

Reaching above her head I grab the condom I

placed there and hold it to my mouth. Carefully I
tear open the package and with skill I didn’t know I
still possessed I sheath myself. My boxers remain
halfway down my thighs and had I been attempting
to be suave I would have moved them. Only at this
point there is a desperation between us that neither
of us had any hope of containing. We need the
connection, it is a have to have, a must.

Feeling her against me so warm and ready

drives me wild. With each shift of her hips she
manages to glide over my shaft and my legs shake

as adrenaline courses through me.

“I need you.” Blair looks up at me and places

her hands against my chest. “Make everything else
disappear.”

I understand what she means; there are so many

things that still flow between us and this is our time
to erase them. Our chance to reconnect and
remember who we are.

Us.
I pull my hips back, lining myself up and gently

shift forward as I enter her slowly. Together we
moan, feeling the way her body hugs me so tight.

Our movements quicken with each stroke, her

head thrown back, her tits thrust upward against my
own chest. The sweet satisfied look on her face is
enough to make me lose my mind.

Her hips quickly shift beneath me as if she is

chasing something, in desperate need of it. She
grips my shoulders with her hands, her nails biting
into my flesh, and still all I can see is her. I’m so
lost in her.

“Perfect.”
I notice instantly the way she closes her eyes

tightly and turns her head from me. There is still a
resistance between us that I hate, but understand.
She wants to trust me completely, I just have to
ensure she has no reason not too.

“I love you, Blair,” I whisper against her temple

as I continue to move inside her. “I’m so in love

with you.”

The tremble of her lower lip makes my chest

feel as though it is being squeezed unbelievably
tight.

I’ll tell her this a million times until she feels the

depth of my feelings for her. I don’t take offense
that she has yet to say it in return. We’ll get there, I
know we will. We have already come so far. I also
know that she loves me; I can see that love in her
eyes when she looks at me. She tries to hide it, tries
to remain strong, but it’s there.

Blair is my solace, she is my version of heaven.

I’ll wait for her, no matter how long it takes.
Because she is worth it. My little girl, my little
family, it is all worth it.

SIT

in my patrol car along the side of Mason’s

gym. I have the perfect view of the intersection. It
is also a good place to hide. One by one I watch the
cars slow to a stop then drive through once again.

I’ve been on shift over four hours already and

from the very second I closed the door to Blair’s
apartment after stopping in to see both her and
Isabelle, I’ve felt their absence. Still almost a month
later I’m amazed by the fact that I’m a father. It
still seems unreal. I have a daughter. Then there’s

the woman who gave me that gift. I came to this
town thinking there was no possible way I could
love Blair more than I already did. But the moment
I saw her, holding our daughter, I knew I’d been
mistaken. I was so wrong.

They’ve both became my world, and the reason

for my existence. Adore, cherish, those words don’t
even compare to what I feel for the two of them.

The sound of a horn blaring pulls me from my

day dream of my girls just in time to look up and
see a crash take place in the center of the
intersection before me. With a flip of the lights I lift
my radio and call in the accident. Easing forward, I
block the oncoming lane of traffic with my car and
place it in park.

By then the passengers of those cars around

have gotten out and are moving around franticly.
“That truck didn’t even stop.” One lady begins to
run in my direction, her arms flailing around as she
points to the silver car only a few feet away. “He
ran right through it and hit that poor girl in the
side.”

“I’ll need you to fill out a statement, ma’am,

but for now I need you to remain calm. Go wait by
your vehicle, please.”

I leave the woman standing alone as I walk

toward the two vehicles involved in the accident.
Assessing the situation, I find the man in the truck
holding his shoulder and whining in pain.

“Sir…” He looks over at me and instantly I

smell the alcohol on his breath. The man is so
intoxicated I think he is sweating booze. “I need
you to remain in your vehicle.” He nods though it is
more of a roll as his head bobs to the side.

Quickly I move toward the silver SUV that has

been shoved across the intersection and into a pole.
Looking in through the back window, my heart
feels like it literally stops beating. I’ve seen that
pink fabric before. The blanket that now lies on the
floor is the very blanket I wrapped around Isabelle
when I leaned over her crib just this morning to
give her a soft kiss goodbye.

A loud cry fills the car as Marcy, who has now

begun to stir looks toward the back seat. “Oh my
god,” she cries and continues to tug on her seat
belt. Her reaction seems to give me the boost I need
to move into action.

The sounds of sirens, both police and

ambulance, ring throughout the area. A horn sounds
just as the people who have gathered part and
another patrol car followed by the EMT’s pulls in
closer to the accident.

“Marcy, I need you to remain still.” I reach in

and hit the unlock button on the inside of her door.
Reaching out I place my hand on hers. “We don’t
know the extent of your injuries yet, so I need you
to stay put.”

“The kids…” She begins to shake, still trying to

twist in her seat.

“I know.” I try to assure her everything is okay,

but on the inside I feel as though I am dying.

When the EMT steps up to the car, I slowly

back away and reach for the handle on the rear
door. I let them look at her while I look in on the
kids. Matthew’s head is moving around franticly,
his eyes wide in fear almost like he is to terrified to
cry, speak, or even move.

Next to him, in her own car seat, lies Isabelle.

Little specks of blood cover her along the side of
her face and onto her arm and leg. The passenger
window shattered from the impact to the pole and
the shards came in from her side, blowing across
both of them. Matthew also had little speckles of
red over his cheek.

“It’s okay,” I tell Marcy, though I still don’t

know for sure.

“Two kids,” I say to the EMT who is now

looking back at me from the front seat. “One boy,
three years old, and one girl, just over six months
old.” The woman watches me with a confused look
on her face. “The little girl is my daughter.”

I’ve only felt this helpless once before in my

life. It was a night I know still haunts Blair and
brings on an anger inside me that can only be
classified as dangerous. Isabelle turns her head
from side to side as if suddenly becoming aware of
her surroundings, and begins to scream more than

the small whimpers that she expressed seconds ago.
It isn't her happy squeal, the one I’ve heard often
and still makes me smile each time. This one is the
kind of scream that cuts right through a father, a
dad who wants nothing more than to grab her hand
and hold her close, assuring her everything is okay.
Fuck I feel like I am dying inside.

“We need to get them out, sir.” I look up again

to the EMT as she nods in my direction. I look over
my shoulder and see the man standing behind me
wearing the same shirt she is.

It is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to

do, but I step back and let them do their jobs. First
Matthew is removed and passed to the waiting
paramedic. By this time Marcy is already strapped
to a gurney and on her way to the ambulance. She
is still frantic as she tries to turn enough to see the
kids.

“I’m with them,” I tell her, hoping she can relax

enough to be loaded up and get the help she needs.
She is a mess, blood running from the side of her
head and unable to move her arm. She needs to go.
“I won’t leave them, I promise.”

Though she is reluctant she finally gives in and

is loaded into the back of the ambulance.

A familiar cry shatters my heart once more

when I see Isabelle being lifted out of her car seat
and held against the paramedic’s chest. Without
being able to stop myself, I move toward the two

kids who are being assessed.

“Jake?” Farris steps up to my side and places

his hand on my shoulder.

“Iz.” It’s all I can get out before my throat feels

like it is closing so tight it is hard to breathe My
head is growing hazy, my gaze locked on her.

She is flailing around, her head twisting in my

direction no matter which angle they hold her in.
She wants me and damn it, I want her too.

Matthew stands next to the female paramedic,

toying with her stethoscope that hangs around her
neck. The side of his face shines with antiseptic
that has now been placed on the small little cuts on
his face.

“Looks like besides a few cuts from the glass

that was blown in on them during impact, these two
are pretty lucky.”

I hear a loud shuffle, someone hollering

incoherently, and I lift my gaze just in time to see
an officer placing the driver of the other vehicle in
the back of another ambulance. Remaining in
control of the rage I feel toward this drunk prick is
hard to manage. It is my job to remain calm, but
that fucker just blew through a stop sign and hit
three people who mean something to me.

“He’ll be checked out at the hospital, then once

he’s clear we’ll do our part.” I don’t look away
from the man, but nod in understanding of Farris’
words. “The kids will have to go to the hospital too,

just to be sure.”

I look back toward Isabelle just as she reaches

out for me. I don’t hesitate as I pull her into my
chest and kiss her head, breathing in her sweet
baby scent. Her soft whimpers, the way she
continues to take in one shuddering breath after
another, only weaken me further.

Her tears, just as her momma’s, gut me.
“I need to call Blair.” Isabelle lays her head on

my shoulder.

“Okay, Daddy.” Farris reaches out to touch

Izzy’s cheek. “You go with the kids, I got the car.
I’ll follow you over and call Blair and Will.”

Chapter Fifteen

LAIR

“ S

’

GONNA

NEED

SURGERY

.”

I lean into Jake’s side and place my hand onto

Isabelle’s back. My throat still feels completely raw
from the emotional roller coaster we’ve been on
over the last couple of hours. She’s laying with her
head on her daddy’s chest, sleeping soundly, as she
has been since I arrived.

The phone call that came in from Lark was one

of the scariest phone calls I have ever received; my
heart is still racing. To be honest I don’t even
remember the drive to the hospital. I just remember
Wilber tucking me into the front seat of his old
pickup truck and telling me that everything would

be okay.

“Marcy has what is referred to as a fractured

head of the humerus. In most cases surgery is not
needed for treatment, but in hers it is.”

Everyone stands around listening to the doctor

tell us about Marcy’s injuries. All I can see is Will
and Matthew. He stands holding his son securely in
his arms as his hands shake, his eyes red from fear
and I’m sure from the tears he shed on the way
over here. My heart is breaking for them.

“She has a dislocated fracture in which the

humeral head shifted from the shoulder socket.” I
can’t even begin to imagine the pain she must have
gone through. “She also has stitches along her
hairline on the left side, we presume from the
impact to the window. That head injury we will be
monitoring closely. When she came in she was
showing signs of disorientation which can be a
concern.”

“Is she awake now?” Will asks and the sadness

and worry in his voice is hard to bear. “Can we see
her?”

“We did have to give her a sedative.” I

immediately pick up on the defeated slump of
Will’s shoulders. “There is also the matter of her
dislocated hip.”

Oh my god!
“She was in a lot of pain and we felt the need to

make her as comfortable as possible. She was

worried for the children and had grown quite
agitated when she realized we couldn’t allow her to
get up and go to them. The adrenaline began to
wear off, I do believe, and that is when the extent
of her injuries and the pain became very evident to
her.”

Will simply nods as the doctor tells him that

they will take care of his wife. He looks so lost, like
his world has just crumpled in around him. Once
the doctor excuses himself, Will wanders over to a
chair in the far corner and holds his son tightly. He
buries his face against his little boy’s shoulder and
his body begins to shake as he does his best to hide
his sobs. Suddenly Isabelle is in my arms and Jake
is moving toward Will with purpose.

Everyone stands back and watches as he kneels

before Will and begins talking to him in a low tone
none of us can hear. Will nods, Matthew reaches
out and touches the collar of the uniform shirt Jake
is still wearing. The entire scene seems so surreal
and overwhelming.

“I was wrong about him.” Warren steps up to

my side and bumps his shoulder against my own.
“He’s a good guy, Blair. Nothing like the family he
came from. He’s got a good heart, and we all see
the way he looks at you. The way he protects both
you and Isabelle. You should have seen him when I
first got here, how careful he was with Iz even
though the doctors had assured him at least half a

dozen times she was okay.” My chest feels like it’s
on fire, as I take in a deep calming breath. “Give
him a second chance, because I guarantee he won’t
need another one.”

Looking to my left I see that Whitney and her

father are nodding in agreement. I smile at the
family who accepted me without pause as one of
their own. They love me truly and unconditionally
and I know they’re right. Jake does love me and
Isabelle, so fiercely that I have no doubt he will do
anything for either of us.

When Jake stands and places his hand on Will’s

shoulder, offering him a squeeze, Will looks up at
him and I can see the words he mouths. Thank you,
brother. My heart soars, the floor rocks beneath
me, and I know that Jake has been accepted as part
of the Flannigan family too. He’s part of my family,
our family.

Jake turns around and begins walking back

toward me, then pauses. It has to be from the way
I’m now looking at him, like he hung the moon.
Because in that very second, I feel as though he
does. He rocked my world a year ago and though
the ground beneath us shattered and I lost hope, he
managed to find me and give me that foundation
once more. He swept in and refused to let go of the
hope he had that we would once again be an us.
Now we are, only this time we’re even better
because we have a sweet little girl who shares our

love too. She is the tie that binds us, the reminder
of what we are and what we can be.

A smile tugs at his lips and suddenly my feet are

moving as I cross the waiting room and stop only a
few inches from him.

“I love you.” The words fall from my lips

without a second of hesitation and his eyes widen
just a fraction, I’m sure in surprise. “I’m sorry I
didn’t say it before. I think I was—”

Cupping the back of my neck, he pulls me to

him and kisses me, while holding our daughter
between us securely.

“It’s okay,” he whispers before kissing me once

again. “Just so you know, I would have waited a
lifetime to hear those words, but I’m glad I didn’t
have to. Nothing has ever sounded sweeter.”

FEEL

my body shift as the bed dips behind me. I

was lost in a deep sleep, dreaming of Jake and
Isabelle playing while she laughs at her daddy’s
crazy antics. The two of them always seem to fill
my dreams.

Though I am fast asleep, the moment he

touches me I’m fully aware of his presence. The
way he tucks his strong body in behind mine,
sliding his palm over my hip before stretching it out

over my stomach. I’m absorbed by a warmth that
only he can provide me, a safety that melts my
heart.

“Missed you.” He tells me this same thing every

single time he sees me. It doesn’t matter if it’s been
five minutes or five hours. He also says the very
same thing to our little girl every time he leaves and
comes back. “Hope you don’t mind me coming
here instead of going back to my place.”

I turn in his arms, my body now facing his as I

reach up and touch the side of his face. Even in the
darkened room I can still see how he leans further
into my touch.

“I’m glad you decided to come here.” I trace

over his lower lip with the pad of my thumb and
enjoy the feel of his whiskers as they rub against
my palm in the process. “In fact, I think that you
should be here every night and every day.”

It takes only a few passing seconds for him to

“What?” he asks with a hopeful smile as he

slides in just a little closer.

“Trevor asked Whitney to move in with him.” I

knew it was coming so I wasn’t surprised when she
shared the news with me only a few hours ago.
“She was hesitant because she said she didn’t want
to leave me with the bills, and frankly she didn’t
like the idea of Isabelle and myself being here by

ourselves.”

Jake only nods, as if agreeing with Whitney’s

need to always protect Iz and me.

“So when I told her that I wouldn’t be alone,

she seemed a little less leery of taking that leap
with Trevor.” Again Jake nods, and I know he
already knows where I’m going with this, but his
ego of course needs to hear me say it. “I figure I’ll
move Isabelle into her own room and maybe share
this one with this guy I know.”

“Guy?”
“Yeah.” I smile, kissing the corner of his mouth.

“This hot cop.” I feel his lips curl against mine as a
smile covers his mouth. “Very handsome man,
kisses really good, too.”

“Is that so?”
“Oh yeah.” I hook my leg over his hip and

begin to pull his body over my own. He comes
willingly. “He does other things really good too."

“Just good?”
“Yeah,” I nod, kissing him once more, “but I

figure if he’s here we can spend more time
practicing. With any hope we can bump him up to
great.”

“I think epic is more like it.” Jake shifts his hips

against mine and I bite my lip to keep from
moaning. The panties I wear do nothing to hide
what he is working with.

“See, much better than good,” he whispers as

he begins to trail kisses over my jaw and along the
side of my neck. “I’m not even inside you yet, and
you can’t even think straight.”

I want to argue, but truly, what is the point? The

man is right, epically mind-shattering is definitely a
better explanation of how he makes me feel.

“Are you asking me to move in with you,

babe?” he asks while moving his hips much like he
would if he was inside me. It’s making it difficult to
concentrate on the words he’s speaking. So instead
I nod, as I reach between us to lower his boxers.
“There’s something you have to say first.”

Is he serious? Men and their control issues. Had

I not already been turned on and ready to take this
to the next level, I would have played dumb and
not given in to his need to hear me admit I want
him here with us.

“Yes, I’m asking you to move in and live here

with us.”

“That’s

great,

sweetheart.”

grins

triumphantly. “But that’s not exactly what I need to
hear. I was looking for something a little more
permanent than that.”

I pause with my hands gripping the sides of his

boxers that are now low enough to expose his cock,
resting proudly against my thigh. Lost for a second
I stare up at him, wondering what I’ve said in the
last few minutes that I hadn’t finished, or maybe
it’s something he asked that I hadn’t yet answered.

His grin grows wider as he watches me, clearly

enjoying my confusion.

“I need to hear you tell me that you’ll marry

me.”

And my heart sinks, then does a little twist and

bebop before it surges forward, crashing against my
breast bone. What in the hell?

“If I’m moving in here, Blair, I want it all. I

want my daughter and my wife.” Just hearing him
refer to me as his wife makes my heart do its crazy
little dance all over again. “I want us to be a family,
a real family. I want us all to share the same last
name.”

The excitement I felt seconds ago quickly shifts

to fear as it hits me. Gunther.

“Wilkerson.” Silence settles over us as we

simply stare at one another. Did he just…? “My last
name is the one thing I have left that ties me to the
life I want to forget. I don’t want the memories of
them. All I want is a life with the two of you.”

Tears cloud my vision.
“Will you marry me? I know after everything

that’s happened this may seem crazy and impulsive,
but you’ve always been the one Blair. You were the
good during the worst time of my life, of our lives.
Through it all, I think what kept me above water
was you. Hope that I’d find my way back to you
and get the chance to show you the real me, the
man I want to be. You saw me in a different light

back then and I needed that. I needed to know that
I was better than them, better than the world I was
living in.”

“You were better,” I tell him as I grip each side

of his face and ensure he sees me clearly. “You are
better.”

“I’m better with you.” The shuddering breath

he takes in makes me feel so raw. “I’m better
because of you and Izzy. You two are the greatest
two things I’ve ever done.”

“Yes,” I say without another second of thought.

“I want us, I want it all.”

“Yes?”
He seems taken aback as I nod. “I’ll marry

you."

Chapter Sixteen

AKE

LAIR

ARCHES

HER

BACK

, and in return she is

opening herself up even more to me. There is
nothing sexier than when she falls over that peak,
letting go of her control and giving in to the
pleasure she feels. The way she pushes her ass back
against me, taking me inside of her deeper and
harder. Her body shifts against mine, dragging out
her release and in turn making it next to impossible
to hold onto my own.

She quivers, her upper body growing weak just

before she squeezes me, tightening around me and
making it difficult to hold back. The way her upper
body falls to the mattress beneath her, making her

ass stick up even higher in the air as I thrust
forward drives me mad.

Then when I hear her whisper my name. It

sounds like a desperate plea and I lose all sense of
control. Gripping her hips firmly I slam inside her
and feel my body begin to shake from my own
release. Soft moans, mixed with the whispers of yes
and more.

Reality hits me the second I feel the wetness

pooling between my thighs and hers. I look down
where we are still connected to see absolutely
nothing separating us. In our rush to feel one
another, we’d foregone protection. Call me crazy,
but the idea of having another child with Blair
sends a rush of excitement through me.

I am about to bring attention to our slip up, of

course with a smile on my face, when Isabelle
hollers out from the next room. The sound of her
blabbering breaks through my sex-filled haze and
without warning Blair rolls away from me. Of
course I look down at her and fake a pout, only to
make her laugh.

“I’ll get her.” I lay over her, kiss the top of her

nose quickly, and crawl from the bed. Looking back
over my shoulder I find her staring at my ass as she
bites her lip.

“Put some pants on.” She attempts to hide the

fact that she obviously enjoys the view.

There is this lightness about us now, the

simplicity of our life surrounding us. I don’t need
money or the big city with the fast life. I know all I
need to be happy is our little home, filled with the
laughter of both my fiancée and our daughter.

After slipping on my shorts that are on the floor

next to the bed, I hurry to Izzy’s room and lift her
up, covering her chubby little cheeks with kisses.
The giggles that spill from her make me chuckle in
return. She captures my heart over and over again.

“Dadada.” It may have just been a ramble,

because Iz tends to do that often, but I stop mid-
step and stare at my daughter. “Daadadada.” As if
she knows I need to hear it again she continues on
happily as she bounces in my arms.

“Did she just…” I look toward the open

bedroom door to find Blair standing there wearing
only a T-shirt of mine.

“She said ‘dada,’” I finish for her, and see her

eyes fill with tears. My own eyes cloud as I try to
fight off the emotions that hit me. Hearing my little
girl sing “dada” over and over in a happy little
slobber-filled chant has got to be the best fucking
moment of my life.

I’ve come to realize that there have been only a

few times in my life when I’ve felt so overtaken
with love and gratitude that it nearly crippled me.
Those were times when I didn’t care who saw me
as a mess of a man. This was one of those times. A
hot tear rolls over my cheek, and I look up to meet

Blair’s gaze once more.

“I know I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again.”

Blair watches me closely as I speak. “Thank you
for her. And thank you for letting me back into
your life.” She moves across the room and wraps
her arms around me and around Isabelle too.
“Thank you for loving me.”

“Thank you for being the man who is worth it.”

I kiss the top of her head and give them both a
gentle squeeze. I was holding my everything in my
arms. These two girls have me so completely there
isn’t a damn thing I won’t give them. “But just so
you know, there was no way that either of us would
be able to withstand falling in love with you, Jake.”

Closing my eyes tightly, I attempt to fight off

the emotions that run through me.

Looking back to the time in my life not much

more than a year ago, I never would have thought I
would be here. I never thought I’d be given the
chance for a family of my own, one that was safe
from my father and the hell he brought with him.
Yet here I am, living a life I once had only dreamed
of.

Izzy toys with her mommy’s hair while Blair

lays her head upon my chest. My arms securely
hold them both to me, and I’ll admit I never want
this moment to pass. I’ve never loved anyone more
than my girls. They are the greatest part of my life,
the best part of my days and when I am away from

them, I feel that ache—the emptiness inside that
longs for them to be back in my arms again.

“Nothing has ever felt this perfect,” I whisper,

gently rocking them both. “And I know nothing
ever will. I have everything I’ve ever wanted right
here in my arms.”

“ D

YOU

THINK

I’

CRAZY

?”

I look across the table at the man who has

become my best friend and I can’t wipe the smile
from my face.

“Do you think I’ll freak her out?” Farris holds a

red velvet box in his hand, squeezing it tightly as he
stares back at me for guidance. I never thought I’d
see the day this man looked to me for answers.

“I just want everything to be right, ya know.”

He takes in a deep breath and looks back at the
item he holds. “Sadie’s been through hell, and I’m
not crazy enough to believe that she didn’t bring a
lot of those things on herself. But what I do know is
that I love her. She’s my priority, Jake, hell I left an
amazing fucking job without a second thought and
moved to this place I’d never heard of before, just
to be close to her. So please tell me that I’m not
crazy for wanting to give her everything I can. Tell
me asking her to marry me isn’t insane?”

“You’re insane, all right.” His head hangs in

defeat. “But not because you want to marry Sadie.”
Farris lifts his head and I find relief covering his
features. “You’re right, she does deserve to be
happy. I know she loves you too, so if asking her
feels right, then you should do it.”

“It feels more than right.”
“The place you got that ring from,” I look to his

hand, “you think you can take me there?”

“The jewelry store?” I nod and there is a silent

pause. “Are you telling me that you are gonna ask
Blair—” He doesn’t finish; I don’t allow him to.

“Already did.”
“Without a ring?” His eyebrow arches up and I

toss the wadded up napkin I hold at him.

“She asked me to move in, and I told her I

would only on one condition.” I let my mind
wander back to last night. “I want my family, I
want it all, and the moment felt right. I didn’t need
a ring at that point. All I needed was for Blair to
say yes.”

When Farris grins at me, a wide-ass knowing

grin, I got that he understood completely. Blair
owned my soul, not just my heart, from the first
time I kissed her. Now the only thing that has
changed is that she shares that space with my
daughter.

“Come on, brother.” Farris stands up and

pushes his chair back from the table. “We’ve got a

ring to pick out.”

Chapter Seventeen

LAIR

“ T

ABLE

SEVEN

NEEDS

an order of wings to go and

table eleven is staring at me like I owe them
something,” Carol announces as she enters through
the swinging doors.

“The to go order is almost up, and table eleven

is driving me crazy.” I try not to groan out in
frustration. “They’ve changed their order four
times. Poor Murray has had to start over each time.
I’m afraid to go out there and see that they’ve
changed it again. Murray may just shoot straight
through the roof with irritation if I tell him one
more thing they don’t want in their nachos.”

Carol laughs as she brushes by me and winks.

“By the way, you just got two new groups seated in
your section.”

I blow out a deep, supposed to be soothing,

breath and wonder to myself what I’ve done to
have such a shitty day. Nothing has gone right since
the second I stepped inside. A bell ringing behind
me announces another order up and I turn around
to see a to go box being placed on the ledge that
separates me from the kitchen.

“Wings,” Brenda belts out before turning her

back to me to move on to her next order.

I bag the box, toss in a few napkins and a

couple sets of silverware before pushing open the
door and stepping out into the dining area. It’s
eerily quiet as I scan the restaurant and find that
everyone is twisted around looking to my left.

Slowly I follow their attention and feel my body

stiffen as I take in the sight. Jake is crouched down
on one knee, wearing a smile so bright I can’t stop
myself from smiling in return. Behind him stands
Will, Warren, and Whitney, who holds a sleeping
Isabelle close to her chest. The rest of the
Flannigans are also there, along with Farris and
Sadie, though she looks as though she feels
completely out of place.

“What are you doing?” I ask in a hushed tone

as I scan over the dining area once more. Even
Wilber stands just outside his office, watching with
a gleam in his eye.

“I wanted to do this right,” Jake says louder

than I expect, and I know it’s because he has no
intentions of keeping this between the two of us.
“You deserve a real proposal, not a whisper in the
darkness of the night.”

“But that proposal was pretty perfect.” I smirk,

thinking of the events that followed. My cheeks
heat and he grins, telling me he’s thinking of the
same thing.

“Enough already,” Warren groans, “there are

women and children present, you two.”

Jake chuckles as he reaches out and takes my

hand in his.

“You’re right.” He shakes off the humor of

Warren’s words and quickly gets back to the
current task. “It was perfect, it was our moment,
and now this is me sharing the news with everyone
else. Because I want everyone to know how much
you changed my life.”

I feel the tears burning my eyes.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes, Blair, a lot of the

wrong choices, but I’m here telling you in front of
everyone that I will never make those mistakes
again. I love you, I love Iz, and there’s nothing in
this lifetime I want more than to spend every day
from this one forward cherishing the both of you.
You make everything better, you always have.”

I close my eyes to fight off the tears but one

escapes and runs along my cheek.

“Marry me.” Jake’s words penetrate through

my haze and when I open my eyes I find him
holding out a ring between us. It sparkles and
shines in the lighting of the restaurant and my smile
grows wider when I hear a few gasps from around
us. “Build a life with me, Blair.”

I nod, as I move in closer and kneel in front of

him. I feel the bag I was holding being removed
from my hand but I don’t take the time to look or
even care who is taking it.

“I’m so glad you came after me,” I confess

when I look up and place one hand on each side of
his face. “I told everyone I was fine, I tried to
convince myself that what we had was all a lie and
that I could be fine without you. But the truth is
there was always something missing. Always this
empty ache inside of me that only you can fill.
Thank you for not giving up on us.”

“I never will, baby.” He closes his eyes as I

press a soft kiss to his lips.

STEP

out of the shower and wrap a towel around

me as I step up to the mirror. It was after ten in the
evening and Isabelle had only been asleep for about
an hour. Jake is usually home by now, and
whenever he runs late I find I can’t sleep.

It’s been less than a week since Whitney moved

out and Jake moved his things in. Looking around
the bathroom to see his deodorant, aftershave, and
shampoo, among other things, gives me this warm
sensation. This is our home now, just Iz, me, and
Jake. I look up at the mirror once more to see my
smiling reflection looking back. It feels amazing to
have this life.

Stepping out of the bathroom I start toward the

kitchen only to come to an abrupt stop when I see
Jake step in through the front door of our
apartment. He hasn’t seen me yet; he closes the
door behind him and rolls his neck from side to
side, as if attempting to relieve the stress from his
shift.

I still can’t get over how handsome he is. Strong

jaw, broad shoulders, even broader than when I first
met him. He wears his uniform perfectly, and there
is just something about the fierceness he expels as
he begins to walk toward me. I stay where I am
hidden in the darkness of the hall, my body already
feeling the effects of his presence.

I notice the very second he sees me, the way

that dominance changes to the swagger whenever
need takes over.

“Have I told you how much I love coming

home to you?”

Though I attempt to remain cool and collected,

I can’t stop myself from grinning widely, hearing

him say those words.

“Let me just add that I am heavily disappointed

that I missed shower time.” He steps closer and
hooks his finger into the towel at the gap between
my breasts. “What do you say I make you dirty
again?”

“I think I like that idea.”
He tugs and the towel breaks free to pool at my

feet.

“God damn, woman.” He shakes his head

before gripping my hips. “To my knees, I swear,
every time. You make me feel so weak.”

I don’t get the chance to respond before his lips

crash to mine. Suddenly I’m being turned and my
back is pressed to the wall.

“I’m feeling a little wired, babe,” he confesses,

and excitement spikes inside me. “Maybe I should
wind down before—”

“No.” I bite on his lip and give it a little tug

making him moan. “I want you just how you are.” I
feel him smile against my lips. I love when Jake is
demanding and impulsive. Granted the soft and
slow is perfect too, but tonight, right now, I just
want raw and ground shifting.

I begin to unbutton his shirt, still pinned to the

wall by the pressure of his hips. I can feel how hard
he is already, and my hands shake with adrenaline.
He steps back, but only long enough to unbuckle
his belt and his pants. In one swift move they are

around his thighs, boxers and all and his erection
springs freely.

“Blair,” I look up to find him smirking as he

places his finger beneath my chin and tilts it
upward, “do I need to get a condom?”

I think over his question, knowing already that

we’ve crossed that line once. I shake my head and
see the sense of control snap inside of him.

Quickly I’m hoisted up, I wrap my legs around

his waist, and in one impressive drive he is seated
deep inside me. Together we both moan, his
forehead pressed to mine. “Love this,” he mumbles
and I can’t agree more. “Just us,” he continues with
a gradual shift of his hips, “nothing between us.”

I want to say “yes,” but I’m too focused on the

way he feels inside me.

“Made for me…” He isn’t speaking in full

sentences, but I understand him completely.
Because I feel the same.

Then he starts to really move, his fingers

digging into my hips as he pivots beneath me. My
back shifts against the wall behind me as I hold
onto his shoulders. The way he moves, the perfect
angle was driving me wild.

“Damn,” he growls when I squeeze him.

Already a thin layer of sweat is covering our bodies
as we lose ourselves in the moment. It is so raw,
just what I want. Nothing but two people in love,
desperate for the release of the other. I feel like I

can’t get enough, like close isn’t close enough.

His pace quickens, short hard drives, my head is

spinning, my legs tighten even more. I’m clawing at
his back, feeling as though my head is going to
explode before an orgasm hits me so deep and
overpowering by body ignites.

“Fuccckkkk,” Jake drags out the word just

before he too explodes and the pressure of his
fingers biting into my flesh intensifies.

We remain still, neither of us willing to move, or

should I say capable of moving.

“I feel like my body is made of Jello, jelly,

mush, whatever.” Jake chuckles, his body shaking
against mine though he holds me a little tighter.
“Told you I should have taken the time to wind
down.”

“Uh uh,” I disagree, “I like you this way.”
“Why’s that?”
I’m finally able to lift my head off his shoulder,

and it thumps against the wall behind me with a
small thud. “I love when you get so lost in the
moment it’s almost like you’re desperate for me.”

“Because I am,” he confesses as he lifts one

hand and pushes back the hair away from my face.
“I never feel like it’s enough.” I tilt my head to the
side, not responding but silently asking him for
more of an explanation.

Jake steps back, taking me with him as he

carefully walks back to the recliner that is only a

few feet away. He makes slow movements so he
doesn’t trip over his pants that are still hanging
from his thighs. He sits, taking me with him and
once he is comfortable, he links his fingers with
mine.

“That day outside your apartment in Chicago,”

I start to shake my head, but he leans in closer and
shushes me, “was one of the hardest in my life.
There were so many times I wanted to tell you
everything, but I was terrified you’d see me as one
of them. I know I was supposed to be but I
couldn’t. I think I knew that the first time I saw
you, I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach,
Blair. Fuck, you knocked the wind out of me.”

Even in the darkness I can see the glimmer in

his eyes and it pulls at something inside me.

“I never wanted to hurt you, I just wanted to

keep them from you. All I ever wanted was to keep
you safe and I know I failed.” I place my hands on
his face and press my forehead to his. “Letting you
walk away that day, I felt like I was being torn
apart. I knew I had to, but it wasn’t easy. The time
that followed, Jesus, they were dark times. But
even through it all I kept thinking that one day
maybe I’d get you to forgive me. I hoped for it.”

“I do.” It wasn’t easy, but I have forgiven this

beautiful man.

“Now I feel like every day, every word, every

touch, it’s me making up for all the wrongs I did.

But it’s never enough.”

“It is.” Tears fill my eyes but I try to fight them.
“Nothing will ever be enough.” It breaks my

heart that he believes this. “When I’m with you, all
that runs through my head is the fact that I lost you
once, and there’s no way I’m ever gonna do that
again. I am desperate for you, there is always this
ache inside of me, craving you, needing you. I
don’t think it will ever be soothed completely
because I know I will never get enough.”

I nod, unable to speak. I wanted raw, well this

was fucking raw. This was deep and uncensored
and raw in every sense of the word.

“I am so in love with you that it just might be

teetering on the verge of insanity.” I laugh at his
confession.

“I’m okay with that, because I feel the same

way about you.”

Epilogue

AKE

SIT

in the pew as I hold Isabelle on my lap,

bouncing her softly to keep her occupied. She holds
my phone in her hand, tapping away at the screen
with her chubby little fingers. On more than one
occasion I have had to clear a shit ton of images off
my screen that she’s managed to capture. Most
were images of the backs of people’s heads,
smeared things passing by, or even feet of random
people. But whatever works, and in this case, I
need her to remain quiet.

The relationship between Whitney, Blair, and

Sadie is still strained, but I’ve seen progress which
makes me happy. I understand where Blair is

coming from; I just needed her to see Sadie in a
new light, much like she has me. I think today is the
turning point I’ve hoped for. At the front of the
church standing just to the left of the bride stands
my wife.

It still felt unfuckingbelievable to call her that.

Each time I remember the day she said “I do” while
looking up at me with that killer smile of hers, I
swear I feel my knees buckle beneath me. One of
my best days ever, running even with the day I
found out I was a father, and head to head with just
two days ago when she announced that she was
carrying my second child. I don’t think the smile
has left my face since.

Today my best friend is marrying another one of

my best friends, and I couldn’t be happier for them.
It’s only been six months since I arrived in Ankeny,
three months since I married the woman of my
dreams and I’ll admit two days since I’ve cried
another round of happy tears. But with Blair by my
side I wasn’t surprised. I think I always knew she’d
be the woman to break me in the best possible
ways.

Now I just wanted all those same things to

happen for Farris and Sadie. They deserved it.

Whitney wipes a tear from her eye and Blair

takes the bouquet of white roses from Sadie just
before she turns back to face her soon-to-be
husband. I watch as they agree to love, honor, and

cherish one another, and roars erupt when Farris
grabs Sadie and dips her backward, giving her an
overly exaggerated kiss.

To hear her laugh out loud when he lifts her

back up is perfection. Sadie will always have a
special place in my heart and I’m glad Farris is here
to protect her.

As she turns around to face the crowd and

looks back over her shoulder to Blair, I feel like my
heart rate speeds up. Blair leans in and whispers
something to Sadie that makes her face scrunch up
in the way I know it does when she’s trying to hide
her emotions. I wonder what could be taking place.
Then Blair places her forehead to the side of
Sadie’s head and they share a big hug, with a few
silent seconds. Then clearly I see the words spoken
from Blair. I love you. The same words she told me
so many times before, and now I know the effects
they have.

Sadie nods, unable to speak and stands tall once

more.

Then Blair’s gaze connects with mine. My wife.

God, I will never grow tired of saying that.

She offers me a wink before blowing me a kiss

and again my head is spinning. Lucky, that’s what I
am. Real damn lucky.

LAIR

SP OT

Jake sitting at a table near Farris, and a few

of the detectives from Chicago who traveled here
for the wedding. All the testosterone in one small
area is leaving every single female in the reception
hall a little flustered, not to mention some of the
married ones too. They are definitely a force for
sure, all sexy, strong and confident.

But through it all I only have eyes for one man.

My man, my husband, the father of my child, or
rather children.

I can’t stop myself from casually placing my

hand over my stomach as I look from Jake to
Isabelle, who is in Whitney’s father’s arms, then
back to Jake again. Knowing this time he’ll be here
to share all the times up until we meet our second
daughter or even son is a feeling I can’t explain.
Whitney catches me in my moment and her own
knowing smile adds to my happiness.

Just this morning my best friend shared the

news with me that she and Trevor are now engaged,
so it looks like we’ll be having another wedding
soon. I am surrounded by love in every direction
and after what took place in Chicago with my life,
I’ll gladly welcome it.

Unable to stop myself any longer, I begin

crossing the room toward the table of men. It’s

almost like Jake can sense me and he looks up just
as I pause next to the table at his side. In fact, many
of the men stop speaking but again, Jake is my sole
focus.

“Hey handsome, wanna dance?” I immediately

notice the mischievous grin that covers his lips. I’ve
seen this look often, that playful fun man I wake up
next to every morning only to fall in love with all
over again.

“I don’t know if I should. My wife might not

like that.”

“Well, your wife should never leave such a

good-looking man alone.” I counter, feeling my
own smile fight to take over.

“No?”
I simply shake my head, still doing my best to

keep a straight face. “It only opens the door for
other women to step in and take advantage of you.
To lead you astray.”

“Not possible.” Jake crosses his arms over his

chest and leans back in his chair. I glance around
quickly, noticing we’ve gained the full attention of
all his friends. They smile and gleam as they watch
our little game in humor.

“And why’s that?” I finally ask.
Jake shrugs, still remaining aloof. “There’s no

other woman out there as beautiful and perfect as
my wife. She could leave me alone for hours and it
wouldn’t matter, I’d still wait for her. She holds my

heart in her hands and she is the only woman I
see.”

Unable to hold back my smile I reach out for

him. “One lucky woman.”

“No,” he stands from the table and steps toward

me, taking my hand into his, “lucky man.”

Bonus Scene

Jake

“Be careful, Princess.” I hold Isabelle next to the
hospital bed at a safe distance. Blair holds our son
close while we both watch in awe when Iz meets
her little brother for the first time. She is completely
enamored by him, her eyes focused on him and
nothing else.

My little girl is shy, but when she feels the need

to react I swear the shrilling screech of hers can
break glass. Only now she is ever so quiet, her little
hand up covering her mouth like it is stopping her
from speaking.

On the ride up in the elevator, I explained to her

how important it is that we not be loud and scare
our baby. I even placed my hand over my mouth to

ensure she understood. Now here she is mimicking
my actions. It is so sweet.

“I’m lying her looking at him,” Blair whispers

softly, “like I did when I held Iz the night after I
had her and well into the morning. “I never had a
name chosen, not until I saw her and then I just
knew.”

“Do you know now?”
“I was thinking Jaxon,” she shrugs and looks

away from our son, locking her eyes on mine. “I
don’t know why I like the name, I just do.”

“Me too.”
Suddenly her face crinkles up and then a look

of concern covers her face. “I’m so sorry I didn’t
even think—”

“Babe,” I stop her before she can finish,

already knowing she is feeling guilty for not
allowing me to choose a name since I wasn’t here
to be a part of naming our little girl. But I never
intended to take that away from her. I just had one
request.

“Jaxon Lark Wilkerson,” I say this and watch

the concerned look leave her face. “When I found
out we were having a son there was only one
thought that crossed my mind. He’s the man
responsible for me finding you. It was because of
him I came here. He broke the rules for me, gave
me information he shouldn’t have, and proved to
me that second chances are possible.”

Blair smiles at me and reaches out to glide my

finger along the cheek of our son.

“Without Lark this little guy may not be here,”

I confess, knowing that had Lark Farris not busted
my ass for weeks upon weeks after the arrest of my
family I wouldn’t be standing where I am now.
Who knows where I would have ended up, but
something tells me it wouldn’t have been any place
good.

“I think that’s perfect.”
“Yeah?”
Blair nods and I move in for a kiss, just as

Isabelle squeals in delight, and Jaxon jumps in
surprise. This quickly leaves our son screaming out
too, only his are terrified cries and then Isabelle
gets a look of heartbreak on her face. Here Blair
and I sit, both looking between our two children
while they cry as if to outdo one another, and all we
both could do is smile.

This is our life, and I wouldn’t change a thing. It

is absolute perfection.

Document Outline

Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Contents
Part One
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
I. Part Two
- Chapter 1
- Chapter 2
- Chapter 3
- Chapter 4
- Chapter 5
- Chapter 6
- Chapter 7
- Chapter 8
- Chapter 9
- Chapter 10
- Chapter 11
- Chapter 12
- Chapter 13
- Chapter 14
- Chapter 15
- Chapter 16
- Chapter 17
Epilogue
Bonus Scene

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