Deception : Secret Baby Romance, Second Chance

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product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any
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Prologue

STEP

INTO

SMALL

ONE

BEDROOM

APARTMENT

and  immediately  I'm  hit  with  the  musky  smell  of
marijuana.  Empty  beer  cans  are  scattered  around
the  area  and  a  half-empty  bottle  of  vodka  sits  on
the coffee table in the center of the room.

Suddenly Nate comes out of our bedroom in a

hurry, one bag thrown over his left shoulder and an
even larger one dragging on the floor behind him.
He looks frantic while his body shifts around as if
he is in search of something.

I push the door shut with force, allowing the

sound of it to gain his full attention and causing his
body to go rigid.

“You going somewhere?” I ask as I do my best

to maintain the irritation flooding my body.

I already know he is fleeing. When things go

sour, this is Nate’s way of coping with just about
everything lately. What I want to know is if he even
planned on telling me this time.

“Blair.” The tension within him from only

seconds ago fades and once again he is on the
move. “Babe, I gotta get out of here.”

“Where to this time? And what brought this

on?”

I’m over this. We’ve been so far apart over the

last  few  months  that  I  feel  like  we’re  on  two
different sides of the country. He’s spiraling out of
control,  and  I’m  working  hard  to  pay  the  bills  and
support  us  both.  His  bad  habits  are  growing,  only
furthering  the  distance  between  us.  I  should  have
cut  him  loose  long  ago,  but  I  guess  I’ve  been
holding out for the sweet guy I once knew to show
his  face  again.  The  guy  who  at  one  point  told  me
that  all  he  needed  to  be  happy  in  this  lifetime  was
his  beautiful  girl  by  his  side.  Me,  of  course,  being
that beautiful girl.

Now, I don’t know if he even looks at me like

that anymore. On the rare occasions we have been
intimate, I’m not even sure he was coherent enough
to  comprehend  it  was  me  and  not  just  a  random
warm body, which leads to the reason why it’s been
a  long  time  since  he  and  I  have  shared  no  more
than maybe a kiss. There was no way I would risk
my  health  by  attracting  some  unwanted  disease
from  a  guy  who  was  so  far  gone  in  drugs  and

alcohol that he didn’t give a shit who he fucked. I
was the dumb girl who felt that somehow, by
holding on even just a little, I’d be able to save him
from the darkness in which he’s been living.

But it’s become clear that no amount of

understanding will bring him back; the Nate I once
knew is gone.

“Listen, I don’t have time to go through all the

details right now—”

“But you have time to pack your shit and hurry

off like some thief in the night, as if ditching the girl
you’ve  spent  the  last  two  and  a  half  years  with
means  absolutely  nothing  to  you.”  I  can  feel  the
anger  inside  me  growing  as  I  go  on  a  rambling
spree.

He ignores my irritation and reaches beneath

the couch to pull out a plastic bag. It is full, of what
I can’t tell. “I’ll explain, but right now I really need
to get out of here, B.”

“What is that?” I reach out to grab the bag from

him, but he jerks his arm away in a hurry and in the
process, hits my cheek with more force than I
expect. The sting floods me and in reaction, I shove
against his chest with every bit of strength I have.

“Damn it, Blair.” You’d think he’d apologize or

hell, even ask if I was okay, but instead he hurries
off toward the door, acting as if I’m in his way and
got what was coming to me. “I’ll call you when I
figure things out. I don’t know how long I’ll be

gone.”

“Don’t,” I say without turning to look behind

me, “call or come back. Just go away.” I don’t want
to see his face void of any true emotions. I know
already he’s empty inside. Emotionally, Nate
checked out on me long ago. The stupid girl in me,
the one who dreamed of the guy she’d once loved
so deeply, broke a little more inside.

He hadn’t always been this man. Before he got

wrapped  up  with  the  wrong  kind  of  people,  he
really was a good guy. He was great, even, treating
me  better  than  I  had  ever  imagined,  but  that  felt
like  a  lifetime  ago.  The  distance  and  angry  words
we’ve  shared  now  cloud  all  those  sweet  times  of
our past.

A few silent seconds pass, then I hear the click

of the door as he walks out and closes it behind
him. Though I’m angry, I still feel saddened by the
fact he can so easily choose the crazy life he leads
over what we once had. The idea that I mean so
little to him is hard to accept.

I’m left with no other choice but to forget Nate

Gilroy and anything we could have become.

Chapter One

ONTHS

ATER

…

“ B

LAIR

.”

I turn to my left and smile. It is impossible not

to  when  Jake  Gunner,  the  blue-eyed,  dark  haired
bartender  who  has  been  training  and  working  side
by side with me for the last three months, is smiling
back  at  me.  He  is  also  the  guy  I  secretly  fantasize
about each night when I go home. Okay, also during
our  many  shifts  together.  It’s  almost  impossible  to
avoid. The man is sexy in a dangerous kind of way.
Hair the shade of deep dark chocolate, eyes almost
dark as night, and shirts that do nothing to hide the
strong tattooed arms and chest hidden beneath.

I first met him two weeks after Nate so

graciously  took  off  and  left  me  without  looking
back.  I  quickly  found  that  even  though  Nate’s
money  was  dirty,  he  did  contribute  to  the  living
expenses. I was stuck with an apartment and bills I
couldn’t  afford  and  felt  like  my  world  was  falling
apart.  I  had  to  consider  the  idea  that  I  might  soon
be homeless.

With the help of a few friends, I was dragged

out  for  a  night  on  the  town.  They  felt  I  needed  it
and  gave  me  no  other  choice  but  to  accept  their
offering. Quickly I found myself drunk and feeling
even more sorry for myself. When I drink I tend to
ramble…a  lot.  I  immediately  befriended  a  girl
behind the bar and went on and on to her about my
life  and  the  hell  it  had  become.  I  freely  offered
explicit  details  about  Nate  and  the  last  couple  of
years  of  my  pitiful  existence,  and  she  graciously
listened. I wish I could take it all back now; I was a
hot mess and the next day I paid dearly for it.

But out of that disaster of a night, one great

thing did come of it: a job.

The next morning while I sat at my kitchen

table, with my head in my hands, Sadie handed me
a piece of paper. The name Miller’s, a number, and
one name: Jake. Now here I was, working at a local
pub with, in my opinion, the sexiest bar manager in
town. So I guess in a sense, I did win.

Did I mention I have nasty, dirty thoughts

almost daily about said manager?

“I need three shooters and a Bud Light.” Jake’s

voice jerks me out of my daydream. He winks as he
continues to mix the remaining drinks ordered by a
group of guys at his end of the bar. It’s hard not to
get lost in the way his arms flex and his back
muscles tense under his snug shirt as he moves
around behind the bar with ease.

It was hell spending a five-hour shift horny and

lusting after your coworker.

“Blair.” I am lost in thought once again and

have  still  not  gotten  the  drinks  he  requested.  The
sound  of  his  voice  suddenly  sends  me  into
overdrive as I spin around and ignore the fact that I
have just been caught staring openly at him. With a
racing  heart  from  what  I’d  describe  as  sexual
tension,  I  get  busy  with  everything  he  requested.  I
move toward his end of the bar and place the drinks
in  front  of  the  guys,  instantly  loving  the  way  Jake
looks  at  me—the  sexy  grin  and  his  eyes  that  rake
over me slowly.

A few of the guys make a comment or two

about my ass and cleavage, but that comes with the
job. Rarely did I get through a shift without at least
one guy talking about what he would like to do to
me, but I just tune it out. It’s for the best. I dress for
the job, wearing tight jeans and low-cut shirts or
sometimes crop tops. It all makes for better tips.

Jake, on the other hand, doesn’t appear as

though he cares much for their remarks. He steps in

close behind me, pressing the front of his body
against my backside. It is the first time he’s ever
expressed this kind of possessiveness and it sends a
shock of delight through me.

“Let’s keep it clean, gentlemen.” His voice is

full of warning and chills rake through me from the
dominance it conveys. “Or you and I will have a
problem.”

Without even thinking twice about it, I push

back just a little further and can feel him against my
ass.  Involuntarily  my  eyes  flutter  shut  for  just  a
moment  as  I  imagine  what  he  has  hidden  beneath
those  jeans  of  his.  From  the  feel  of  it,  there  most
definitely is something very special indeed.

“You keep rubbing up on me like that, I may be

forced to close down early,” he whispers against my
ear as he squeezes my hip. “You’re making it
difficult for me to be a good guy here.”

Heat rises to my cheeks and I look back over

my shoulder wanting to tell him to go for it, but
before I can, he steps back and begins working the
bar once again. Even though he pretends to be
busy, I notice more than once that he glances in my
direction.

I, of course, stand there practically panting with

yet another long list of erotic thoughts about Mr.
Dangerous.

This job is some kind of crazy torture, but it’s

one I won’t walk away from even though it leaves

me feeling shaky and twisted up inside.

Whitney, my best friend and biggest supporter,

is  the  one  who  convinced  me  to  accept  the  job  in
the first place. She knew I needed it. She is also the
one who for the last few months got to hear me go
on  and  on  about  how  I  wanted  to  mount  him  and
never  let  go.  I  don’t  see  this  attraction  getting  any
easier to handle in the future, either. I feel like I am
about  to  combust,  and  Jake  Gunner  will  need  an
army to keep me from taking what I want from him.

I do my best to ignore Jake as I work my end of

the bar. Distance is good; it keeps me from
embarrassing myself any more than I already have.
The guy knows I have a thing for him—I haven’t
once hidden the fact he makes my heart race.

I do my best to ignore him when he openly flirts

with the female customers, but it is difficult. I want
to be the girl he gives that sexy grin to, the one he
winks at as he gently touches my hand.

“Eyes over here.” I look away from Jake and

find Whitney and Sadie sitting down in two open
stools at my end of the bar. “Watching him is only
making you look desperate.” I glare at Whitney,
making her laugh as I grab two glasses and start to
make their drink of choice.

“If I was stuck here with him for hours upon

hours you better bet I’d be lusting.” Sadie’s eyes
roam over Jake and I have to look away from her to
keep myself from acting possessive. He is not mine,

though  the  jealous  feelings  I  get  make  it  seem
otherwise. “And the moment the doors were locked
and  I  was  left  alone  with  him,  you  can  guarantee
I’d  be  sampling  what  that  sexy  man  is  hiding
beneath  those  jeans.  He  is  so  good-looking,  Whit.
Tell me you don’t feel the same.”

“I never said he wasn’t.” She tosses a ten onto

the counter as I place their drinks before them.
“But I’ve also been in here almost every weekend
since Blair landed this job and I’ve witnessed him
with at least half a dozen bar whores. So, with that
being said, I think she needs to steer clear.”

“I was telling her to screw him, not marry him.”

Sadie lifts her glass and takes a generous gulp.

“I think she should refrain from screwing him

too.”

The two of them carry on about me like I’m not

standing two feet away.

“But I do think he’d be really good at it.”
“Excuse me?” They both look away from Jake

and meet my stare. “I won’t be screwing him or
anything else for that matter.” I am completely
aware of the fact that my statement sounds unsure.
“Can you two talk about something else, other than
me and my sex life?”

“What sex life?” Sadie mumbles the words but I

hear them clearly.

“Again, none of your business.” They are two

of the nosiest people I know.

“I’m just saying that you are twenty-three,

single  and  gorgeous.”  Sadie  waves  her  hand  in  the
air  in  front  of  her.  From  the  looks  of  it,  I  would
have  to  guess  she’s  been  drinking  for  quite  some
time  prior  to  showing  up  here.  “You  should  be
enjoying yourself and not spending every day being
so  standoffish  because  you  got  wrapped  up  with
some douchebag that made you leery of all guys.”

Her voice is carrying throughout the bar and I

look around to see who is looking in her direction.
Thankfully with the jukebox and loud talking, it
seems most haven’t heard her.

I work my end, walking away from her in hopes

she lets it go, but she only talks louder. “If Mr.
McHotty Bar Manager can make your toes curl,
then I say go for it.”

My eyes widen as Sadie practically screams

these  words  and  immediately  I  search  out  Jake,
who  of  course  is  standing  only  a  few  feet  away,
smiling  widely.  His  eyes  lock  on  mine,  just  before
they  slowly  shift  downward  as  he  scans  over  my
body  once  again.  Chills  cover  my  arms  and  neck
and I shift nervously, feeling excited. All I know is
I’m going to kill Sadie the first chance I get.

Jake sidesteps Liam who is stocking the cooler

that holds the beer bottles behind the bar. In doing
so he brings himself closer to me. There I stand
with a tall glass in one hand and the nozzle to the
Bud Light draft in the other, and I know I have to

look like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Did I hear something about toes curling?” Jake

whispers in a deep raspy tone. I hang my head to
hide the blush I know is covering my face. “That’s
when you know it’s good,” he adds, his warm
breath fanning over my neck and shoulder. “Has it
ever been that good for you, Blair?”

I swear the temperature inside Miller’s just

went  up  twenty-five  degrees.  I  want  to  find  that
inner  strength  inside  me.  The  one  that  helps  me
look up and meet his stare, but I can’t. I know if my
eyes  connect  with  his,  I  will  most  likely  do
something  that  I’ll  regret.  Like  tackle  him  to  the
ground  and  grind  on  him  like  a  cat  in  heat  or
something worse.

So instead, I wait for him to back away and

then I turn to face my friends who both smile
knowingly.

Bitches. Both of them.

Chapter Two

AKE

IME

something I don’t have much of. Not when

it comes to my father. He is a pushy bastard who is
used to getting things when he wants them, no
matter the cost. When you cross Zeke Gunther you
sign your death warrant. Am I proud of my father?
No. He’s a heartless bastard, one without shame. I
was born into a life I hate, but getting out isn’t an
option. Not if I want to get out alive.

I’ve been given one task. Find out what Blair

knows  about  the  location  of  the  sorry  fuck  who
stole  from  my  father.  It  doesn’t  matter  what  it
takes.  Nate  Gilroy  is  one  of  the  assholes  who
thought  he  could  outwit  my  family.  His  men  have

been following Blair for weeks, looking for the
perfect way to get her into Miller’s Bar. The second
they found one of her friends was dirty, it was their
in. She truly has no idea who her friend really is, or
how Sadie is involved in the wrong kind of life.

I should feel bad that I’m taking advantage of

the  strung-out  girl  in  the  way  I  am,  but  there  isn’t
time for that. She is a pawn in my game to gain the
answers I need. From the time I presented her with
no  other  option  but  to  cooperate,  everything
unfolded  perfectly.  My  father  pulled  me  from  the
streets and assigned me to pose as a bar manager in
one  of  the  many  locations  he  owns  and  stand  at
Blair’s side. From there, I was told to use whatever
means necessary to find out what she knows about
the sorry piece of shit we are after.

Zeke Gunther is known for his power. Not

many  choose  to  cross  him.  When  his  name  is
brought  up,  people  just  know  he  means  business.
Somehow  the  idea  of  him  or  any  other  man  being
sent in for this task made my stomach ache. I can’t
allow  anyone  to  get  near  her;  she  doesn’t  deserve
that wrath. Blair is innocent in this mess and I have
to ensure she remains untouched.

The Gunther name alone speaks volumes,

which  is  the  reason  I  chose  an  alias  when  I
intertwined  myself  in  the  life  of  Blair  Wilkerson.
Had  I  introduced  myself  as  Cyrus  Gunther,  she
would  have  run  away  faster  than  I  could  have

stopped  her.  It  was  the  reaction  I  got  from  most
people  when  they  found  out  who  my  father  is.  No
one  in  their  right  mind  willingly  enters  the  life  I
lead.

What should have been a quick task has proven

to be one of the hardest I’ve set out to complete.
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine a girl like
Blair could have been wrapped up with a scumbag
like Nate.

That guy was a fuckup at all angles, dirty,

conniving and a cheat.

I’d watched him weasel his way into our inner

circle  with  the  help  of  my  brother,  Gabe.  I’d
watched  Nate  snort  more  lines  than  he  paid  for,
fuck  girls  he  barely  knew,  and  during  all  those
events he had a sweet girl like Blair waiting for him
at home. None of it made sense to me. I would kill
for a life like that, a life where I had someone like
her to share my days and nights with.

I was given one more week to push her for

answers, for any clue that would lead us to Nate. If
I  couldn’t  get  what  they  needed,  then  they  would
turn the task over to my weasel brother. Only over
my  fucking  dead  body  would  I  allow  Gabe  within
ten feet of her. In my eyes, he is worse than Nate.
He’d  stop  at  nothing;  it  didn’t  matter  to  him  if  he
resorted  to  violence.  He’d  gain  the  answers  my
father  sought.  My  brother  had  proven  long  ago  to
be  an  asset  to  my  father,  but  he  is  also  a  menace.

His lack of control creates more complications for
my father than he hopes for. When things go awry,
when things get messy, that’s when Gabe is set
loose. I can’t let him anywhere near Blair.

Each time I look at her and she gives me that

heated  stare,  it  takes  all  I  have  not  to  push  her  up
against  the  wall  and  give  her  exactly  what  I  know
she  wants.  The  girl  is  fucking  amazing  and  the
craziest part is she doesn’t even realize it. I want to
take  advantage  of  the  things  that  I  know  run
through her mind; I want to be selfish.

I won’t pretend I’m innocent, that I don’t have

a  warped  mind  of  my  own,  because  I’m  as  fucked
as  the  rest  of  them.  I’ve  partaken  in  the  perks  of
being  a  Gunther  over  the  years.  I  had  no  way  out,
so  why  not  participate  on  occasion?  There  was  no
need  to  make  my  life  any  more  difficult  than  it
already was.

But Blair doesn’t deserve the kind of life I

have; she’s too sweet.

I want to take things slow, be as delicate as I

can  in  the  process  of  seeking  answers.  I  want  to
know  the  girl  behind  the  image  Nate  has  already
managed to paint. He made her seem as though she
too was strung out and a person we couldn’t trust.
The  problem  is  those  needing  answers  on  the
whereabouts  of  her  ex  don’t  give  a  shit.  Get  the
answers no matter what it takes or who you destroy
in  the  process—those  were  my  instructions.  Blair

just happens to be the one person in that line of
destruction I can’t seem to plow through.

Whenever she looks at me, that small trace of a

smile tugging at her lips makes me feel like a weak
little adolescent boy. She makes me forget where I
come  from  and  gives  me  hope  that  my  life  can  be
different.  I  want  her  more  than  I  can  seem  to
control. Those sweet lips, that perfect body, I want
to  claim  it  all.  That  creates  a  huge  problem  in  the
plan. A problem that is fucking with my head, and
with  each  day  that  passes,  I  find  myself  falling
farther and farther into her depths.

Tonight is no different, even though I told

myself  it  would  be.  I  can’t  seem  to  stop  my  heart
from racing whenever she is near. I stand off to the
side  of  the  bar  as  I  watch  her  move  around  with
ease.  Only  moments  ago  she  stood  before  me,  her
shoulders  rising  and  falling  as  she  looked  to  the
floor. I’m sure it was to hide the embarrassment she
felt  by  her  friend's  declaration  or  my  words  that
followed. I’d give just about anything to be the man
who  made  her  toes  curl  as  I  buried  myself  inside
her over and over. I want nothing more than to feel
her fall apart in my arms and scream out my name.
I dream so desperately for that very thing.

Just the idea of another man touching her as she

begs for more makes my blood boil. I know I don’t
have the right to feel possessive over her, but it is a
reaction I can’t seem to control. A huge part of me

wants to just grab hold of her and pin her to the bar
while I claim her in front of every man here.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I reach for

it. My hand starts to shake when I see who the
message is from.

ABE

: Finish it or I will.

LIFT

my gaze and scan the bar, feeling my body

still the second I connect with eyes resembling my
own. Eyes we also share with our father. He leans
against the pool table, cue stick in hand as he
smiles, showing off his missing front tooth. He lost
it in a brawl a few months back and wears the gap
like a badge of honor instead of having it fixed. He
is trouble; he oozes it, lives for it.

I watch him look back down at the phone he

holds and type out something just before mine
vibrates once more.

ABE

: She is a sweet little piece, brother, I’ll

enjoy breaking her walls down. I can almost hear
her begging for me to stop already.

SHOULDERS

GROW

TENSE

. Standing tall, I round

the  end  of  the  bar,  feeling  my  entire  body  shake
with  anger.  He  sees  me  coming  and  doesn’t  even
flinch.  The  fucker  knows  I  won’t  cause  a  scene;  I
can’t compromise my position in this whole fucked
up mess. My father would surely make me pay for
that  mistake.  I  pause  and  fist  my  phone  so  tight  in
my hand I feel it dig into my palm.

I allow myself to find Blair once more just as

she  tips  her  head  backward  in  laughter.  She  is
unbelievable,  so  innocent  and  pure.  Taking  in  one
deep  calming  breath  after  another  I  again  look
down at my phone. Pressing the button to wake it I
keep  her  face  in  my  mind.  I  carefully  type  out  a
message  that  instantly  makes  me  feel  sick,  but  I
know I have no other choice.

: Tonight is the night, brother, I’ll get the

answers no matter what it takes.

STOMACH

ACHES

with the knowledge that

tonight has to be the night. I’ll set aside my feelings
that  have  developed  for  Blair  and  I’ll  do  what  I
have to do. The only way to keep her safe is for me
to  shut  off  everything  I  feel  inside.  I  have  to  be  a
Gunther,  cold  and  callous.  I  have  to  forget  about

the part of me that wants to grab on tight and hold
onto  her  forever.  I  know  with  the  life  I  lead  those
luxuries  aren’t  possible.  Because  with  Zeke  and
Gabe  Gunther,  nothing  is  sacred  and  nothing  is
safe.

There was no place for shame or guilt in what I

was  sent  in  to  do.  I  just  have  to  remember  the
stakes.  It  will  be  either  me  or  Gabe  who  will  get
what our father needs. I just had to remember that
though  my  heart  was  screaming  out  no,  it  was
better  that  I  be  the  asshole  than  for  Gabe  to  get
anywhere near her.

Chapter Three

LAIR

“ M

FEET

ARE

KILLING

,” I groan as I hop up

onto  the  bar  top  and  take  off  one  shoe  at  a  time.
Flexing my feet over and over, I attempt to relieve
the  ache  in  the  arch.  I  should  know  better  than  to
wear  a  pair  of  shoes  that  aren’t  already  broken  in.
But they were too cute to pass up and now as I look
down  at  the  strappy  heels,  I  can’t  seem  to
remember  what  was  so  appealing  about  them.  I
blame  the  blisters  forming  on  my  toes  for  my  now
tainted view.

It’s almost three in the morning and Jake and I

just finished cleaning the bar. I am exhausted from
the nonstop shuffle that hit right around eleven. It

would seem every drunk in the city of Chicago had
decided Miller’s was the happening place. Jake and
I  both  ran  around  the  bar  in  overdrive.  I  quite
enjoyed the gentle touches here and there he would
offer  when  we  were  forced  to  pass  one  another  in
the  small  space  we  share.  He’s  been  more  flirty,
more  forward  tonight.  But  more  so  after  Sadie  so
openly announced the whole toe-curling comment.

I look up when I hear the sound of the back

door  shutting  just  in  time  to  see  Jake  step  behind
the bar once more. He had just taken the last bag of
garbage  out  before  we  could  finally  call  it  a  night.
When  our  eyes  meet  I  find  I’m  unable  to  look
away.  He  stands  only  a  few  feet  away  with  one
hand  bracing  the  side  of  the  bar,  squeezing  it  so
tight the muscles in his arm seem to stand out even
more than normal. The dark brown orbs that always
manage to capture me are staring intensely back at
me. It’s almost as if he’s fighting something.

“What?” I finally ask, looking down at myself

then  back  at  him,  my  mind  racing  with  the
possibilities  of  what  he  might  be  thinking.  Self-
doubt and nervous energy rush through me when I
allow  myself  to  imagine  how  I  must  look—like  an
obvious wreck.

He doesn’t answer me but instead moves across

the bar until he stands before me, bracing his hands
on either side of my legs. His chest rises then falls
with one deep breath after another. He remains in

that position, one palm resting on either side of my
thighs,  for  a  few  minutes.  Just  as  I  am  about  to
speak  he  moves  closer,  suddenly  surprising  me  as
he  grips  my  hips,  pulling  me  forward.  I’m  taken
aback  by  his  closeness,  but  definitely  not
disappointed.

We’ve been skating around this tension

between us all night. Longer than that, actually, if I
am  being  truthful.  Jake  and  I  have  shared  various
touches  and  comments  with  hidden  innuendos  for
weeks.  But  it  has  never  been  more  than  that,  until
now.

It’s only us; everyone else has gone home for

the night.

Here we are, still staring at each other, still

saying  nothing.  With  the  way  he’s  watching  me,
continuing  to  breathe  deep,  his  strong  arms  caging
me  in,  I  feel  my  heart  rate  spike  with  eagerness.
There’s  no  fear,  only  curiosity  and  desire  pooling
between us.

“Tell me to walk away,” he says as his eyes

rake over my chest and then back up to meet my
gaze. “Tell me you’re not interested in anything
more than two people working together inside some
grungy bar.”

I almost laugh. Is he serious?
“No,” I say. My eyes lock on his heated stare.

“I don’t lie.”

He flinches at my words, before recovering

quickly.

“We shouldn’t cross that line,” he states but his

expression  says  something  completely  different.
The way his hands still grip my hips and the way he
has  somehow  without  me  noticing  positioned  his
body  between  my  parted  thighs  are  all  opposite
reactions to his words. “I shouldn’t—”

I stop him by hooking my legs around his waist

and using them to pull him even closer toward me.

“You should,” I correct him with more

confidence than I have ever felt before and he
smiles in return. His smile alone can do some real
damage to a girl’s panties. I should know; I’ve been
at the receiving end of it for weeks.

“Things could get messy,” he says as he leans in

and skims his lips over my jaw. My mind grows
hazy as I decide that I really like the way that feels.
Really like.

“God, I hope so.” My words fall from my lips in

a breathy whisper and he chuckles.

I’ve wanted this guy so desperately that at this

point I’m willing to do just about anything to have
him. I’m willing to face the awkward morning after
or the odd moment when you both realize you may
have taken things too far. I just don’t care at this
point, I’ve lived in solitude for months now, playing
it safe, doing what’s right. But now there’s nothing
I want more than a night of mind-blowing sex with
a man like Jake Gunner and the rest I’ll think about

later.

“Let’s get out of here.” I suddenly feel

disappointment fill me, inflicted by his words. That
is until he finishes that thought. “I’m staying at
your place tonight.”

Oh, hell yes!

RIDE

to my apartment is fueled by sexual

tension. It’s so thick I can almost feel the pressure
of it pushing against my chest. It feels like a heavy
fog that makes it impossible to breathe evenly.

As I fumble with my keys attempting to unlock

my apartment door, Jake stands so close behind me
I can feel his warm breath blowing across my neck.
Nothing has prepared me for the force of this man.
Nothing warned me that he would be so consuming.

Once the door to my place is open he’s on me

like a second skin. I can feel him everywhere.

I don’t care that the walls are so thin every

neighbor can most likely hear each whimper I
make. Right there in the doorway of my apartment,
Jake slides his hand into the front of my jeans and
within seconds has me screaming out his name.

I have no shame. I am nothing more than a

desperate hussy and I am okay with that. I own it.

All I feel is complete oblivion.

I’m a sloppy mess of need, so lost to the point

that if he chooses to fuck me there too, I most
likely will help him take off my pants to speed up
the process.

But instead, he moves to the bedroom where he

proceeds  to  make  me  lose  every  last  ounce  of
control.  He’s  an  energy  I’m  not  prepared  for,
consuming and strong. With each touch he provides
I  feel  myself  getting  lost  in  a  heavy  haze  of  lust.
I’ve  never  been  this  hungry  for  contact,  this
desperate  for  release,  but  Jake  has  me  forgetting
every  doubt  I  may  have  had  lingering  in  my  mind
and all I feel is him…us.

As I lie there feeling like it’s only seconds later,

with  my  stomach  pressing  firmly  into  the  mattress
beneath me, I smile. The weight of his naked body,
still  covering  mine,  almost  cages  me  in.  Not  one
single part of me doesn’t feel the after effects of his
touch.  I  swear  to  it,  even  my  hair  is  tingling  with
the ripples of pleasure that still shake me. Jake was
like an animal unleashed and he had just devoured
me.

Even when I reached what I felt was the peak

of  my  pleasure,  he  proved  me  wrong  and  showed
me  that  I  could  take  more.  It  was  all  a  whirlwind,
clothes flying, loud cries of more, and deep moans
of  pleasure.  I’ve  never  felt  anything  so  erotically
beautiful in my life. I could see in his eyes he felt it
too.  More  than  once  I  found  him  looking  back  at

me as if there was something he wanted to say, only
he couldn’t form the words.

In that very moment, as his body still covered

mine,  I  know  the  thoughts  I  had  earlier  of  being
able  to  move  past  this  and  work  side  by  side  with
him  without  feeling  awkward  were  now  an
afterthought.

Jake Gunner is a man who I know without a

doubt I can’t walk away from. I don’t want to,
either.

Chapter Four

AKE

“ T

ELL

me you got your in, boy,” my father’s voice

demands as I sit in the chair opposite his.

“Oh, he got in all right.” Gabe whistles and it

strikes a nerve inside me. “Look at his face, he
fucked her.” I move faster than my younger brother
can register and I slam him against the wall, my
hand fisting his shirt.

My father doesn’t even flinch at my act of

anger toward my brother. He only remains seated at
his desk, with his glass of whiskey in one hand and
a smug grin on his face.

“I’m just messing with you, Cy.” Gabe tries to

backpedal. “You don’t have to get all fired up over

some girl. She’s just a job.”

I want to tell him he’s wrong, but I choose to

release my hold on him and step back. I’m afraid if
I unleash on him, I won’t be able to stop. I have to
refrain from showing that anything regarding Blair
bothers me; they can only use it against me later.

“Enough wasting my time,” my father

complains, finally tiring of us. “Tell me you got
some information for me.”

“She trusts me,” I assure him as I once again

take a seat in the chair opposite his desk. “I’m in,
and the place isn’t big so if there is something
there, I’ll find it.”

“You told me you could handle this. Should I

doubt you?” My father is a prick. He doesn’t give a
shit about his boys; we are just a means to gather
money and clean up his shit for him.

“I said I got it.” I stare back at the man I

strongly resemble yet despise.

“That boyfriend of hers had to leave some kind

of  trail  behind.  He  stole  from  us,  Cyrus.”  I  hate
hearing that name. He is the only one who calls me
by  my  first  name  and  I  cringe  each  time.  He  leans
forward  and  places  his  elbows  on  his  desk,  linking
his  hands  together.  “I  want  him  found,  and  I  want
what he took from me returned. Either you find me
those answers, or I’ll send Gabe in to finish the job.
And  we  both  know  his  antics  are  a  lot  less  gentle
than yours.”

I chance a glance in my brother’s direction only

to find him smiling proudly. I want nothing more
than to wipe that smile off his face. He’s dirty,
morally corrupt, and there is no fucking way I will
give him the chance to get near Blair.

“I said I got it.” My nostrils flare with anger

from the visions that are running through my mind.
“Me sitting here shooting the fucking shit with you
ain’t getting the job done, so are we finished?” I try
to rein in my irritation and tuck away my desire to
break the two of them; it would only get in the way
of keeping Blair safe.

I hate nothing more than being tied to these two

men.  I  hate  that  I’m  trapped  in  this  family.  I’ve
been able to lay low, keeping my nose clean in the
past,  intertwining  myself  as  minimally  as  possible,
but this time my father failed. Gabe failed because
it  was  his  fault  Nate  got  as  close  as  he  had  in  the
first place. Now I’ve been called in to retrieve what
he’d stolen so easily.

My father threatening me with my weasel

brother  was  just  his  way  of  ensuring  I’d  come
through.  The  bastard  knows  I  have  a  conscience;
it's my worst enemy. He knows I wouldn’t want my
brother  to  touch  Blair,  with  or  without  me  being
involved with her.

But as I stare into my father’s eyes, I slip up

and I know the moment he notices. A grin covers
his lips as he lifts his drink and takes a slow, drawn

out  pull  of  the  amber  liquid.  A  sucking  sound
follows as he drags out the torture. I do my best to
recover,  but  if  there  is  one  thing  about  him,  he
doesn’t  miss  an  opportunity  to  prove  he  is  in
control.  He  can  see  right  through  me;  the  asshole
knows without a doubt that I hold feelings for her.
He also knows that he now has me by the balls.

“By all means, son,” the smug look on his face

is like a knife to the gut, “don’t let me keep you
any longer.”

I leave the warehouse where my father does all

his shady operations and pull my phone from my
pocket as I walk toward my car. After tapping out
the number I pause next to my Charger waiting for
the call to connect.

“Gunner.” I can immediately sense the surprise

in Sadie’s voice.

“Looks like I’m gonna need your help once

again,” I confess, feeling guilty that I have to take it
to this level. But my time is running thin and I’ll do
what I have to in order to keep Blair away from my
family.

“But you said that if I got her to the bar and

helped convince her to take the job that you’d do
the rest. You told me that’s all I had to do.”

I did tell her that. But things just changed, and I

know I can use her for what I need and there isn’t a
damn thing she can do about it.

“Yeah, I did. But you also told me you were

gonna get your shit straight and steer clear of my
brother, but I think we both know that you lied. So,
as I said, I need your help with something. You
either cut the shit or I’ll make sure that Blair knows
just how involved you were with Nate.” I hear her
deep intake of breath and know I have her.

Blair has no idea that one of her best friends is

a junkie. Or the fact that she had been screwing her
boyfriend for free drugs for the last year of their
relationship, either.

So using those things to get what I want doesn’t

make me feel guilty in the least.

Sadie doesn’t deserve Blair and her friendship.

When this is all said and done, I’ll do whatever I
can to make sure Blair realizes what her friend truly
is. But for now, I have to make her believe her
secrets are safe until I get what I need from her.

“Answer your phone when I call. I’ve got to

work some things out first.” I hit end without
waiting for her reply.

Chapter Five

LAIR

I’

ADMIT

, I’m nervous about going to work after

the night I’d shared with Jake. I’m fearful of how
he’ll react. But those fears are quickly wiped away
when I step through the back door and feel myself
being pulled into a set of strong arms.

“Shh,” he whispers against my lips while

walking me back toward the small office. Once we
are safely inside and the door is closed, he pins me
against it using the weight of his body to ensure I
remain in place. “Hi.” How one simple word that I
have heard a million times can make my heart race
shouldn’t come as a surprise. I know Jake could say
anything and it would gain the same reaction.

“Hi,” I say in return, and watch as his eyes

roam over my face before once again locking on
mine.

“You’ll have to forgive me but after last night, I

can’t seem to help myself.”

“And here I was worried about things being

strange between us.” I feel the heat rise in my
cheeks when he arched his brow at me. “One night
doesn’t mean anything.”

“You’re wrong.” Jake cups the side of my face,

using his thumb under my chin to ensure he holds
full access to my lips. “It meant something.” Chills
break out over my chest and arms. “To me,
anyway.”

He doesn’t give me the chance to agree or

admit that I feel the same. His lips cover mine in a
slow tantalizing kiss that I swear to god I feel in the
tips of my toes. I may have even whimpered.

“I love that sound,” he grins against my lips.

Yep, I whimpered.

Jake continues to kiss me, my body still pinned

firmly to the door behind us. Our hands are
exploring each other again, much like they did last
night when he rocked my world.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve ruined me.” It’s my

turn  to  smile  triumphantly.  Oh,  how  I  hope  his
statement  is  true.  I  don’t  want  to  go  back  to  the
way  things  were  before  our  night  together—
watching  him  flirt  openly  with  girls,  having  them

paw him, and giggle like school girls whenever he’d
toss a wink in their direction. “I told you things
could get messy.”

I lean out of our kiss and look up at him. He

wears a perplexed look on his face, still staring at
me. There is something unreadable in his eyes, a
sad look, almost like he is fighting an urge or even a
desire.

“Messy, how?”
A few silent seconds pass, and my heart begins

to race at the thought that he regrets us taking
things too far. I remember the words he spoke when
he asked me to tell him to stop.

“I just hope you don’t rely too much on those

tips  you  get  from  those  horny  guys  that  think  they
actually  have  a  chance  with  you.”  My  pulse
quickens  when  he  shifts  his  hips  forward,  ensuring
that  I  feel  how  worked  up  he  is.  “Because  I’m
about to shatter their hopes and dreams.”

When he steps back I immediately feel his

absence. I want to demand he come back and keep
rubbing against me, but understand we can’t. We
are at work and on the opposite side of the door is a
bar full of people.

Jake rakes his eyes over me, taking in my

appearance. I’ll admit I chose my outfit with him in
mind. Short skirt, tight low-cut shirt, topped off
with my favorite and most comfortable pair of heels
that accentuate my long longs. His eyes get that

heavy-lidded look, the one I’ve noticed he gets
whenever he is turned on.

“Watch out how you bend over.” He reaches

out and glides his finger along the flesh of my thigh
just beneath where my skirt hits. “I don’t share.”

A knock on the door makes my body jerk

forward.  Spinning  around  I  look  at  it  with  eyes
wide.  I  hear  Jake’s  deep  chuckle  just  before  I  feel
his  body  press  against  my  backside.  “Let’s  go  get
this shift over.” I close my eyes, fully taking in the
sound of his husky voice. “Then afterward, I think
you  should  show  me  what  it  is  you’re  wearing
under that skirt.”

He cups my ass, and I squeeze my thighs tightly

together. Memories of him moving inside me less
than twenty-four hours ago hit me hard.

I feel the gentle brush of his lips over my

temple just before he steps around me and opens
the door. I don’t get the chance to see who is on the
opposite side. I only see Jake walk out of the office
as I reach out for the chair at my side to support my
weight.

Like I said before, there is no way to prepare

one’s self for a man like him. No way at all.

ARE

DOWN

to the last hour of the night. The

band  is  playing,  the  bar  is  at  capacity  and  that
leaves  very  little  time  to  interact  with  Jake.  But  it
doesn’t  stop  him  from  looking  in  my  direction
every chance he gets. He winks, smiles, and a few
times I catch him looking me over ever so slowly. It
doesn’t  seem  to  matter  how  big  or  how  small  the
gesture, I’m on edge, and I think he knows it.

I busy myself with a round of drinks for a

couple of guys who are sitting at my end of the bar.
I am fully aware of the fact their eyes are glued to
my ass and tits with every move I make. It never
bothered me before last night, but now I feel like I
just want to cover myself up.

“Hey, Blair.” I look up and see Tom, a regular,

step up to the side of the two guys. “Can I get two
drafts?” He holds out a ten and I reach out to grab
it, but the blond guy at his side snatches it before I
can.

“How about I tuck this right here,” he pushes

the ten into the front pocket of his jeans, “and you
come around here to my side and get it?”

I step back, crossing my arms over my chest

only to bump into a firm body behind me. I don’t
even have to turn around to know that it’s Jake. I
can already smell his cologne.

“How about you put that bill on the counter and

treat the lady like a fucking lady?” I shiver at the
tone of his voice and wonder where this side of him
has been hiding. “Or I can come around on your

side and you and I can take a walk outside, you
choose. You got two fucking seconds before I
decide for you.”

The blond man shares a glance with his friend

and  after  a  few  tension-filled  seconds  he  reaches
inside  his  pocket  and  pulls  out  the  bill.  “I  was  just
messing  around.”  He  holds  up  his  hands  in
surrender.

“You wanna mess around, I suggest you try that

shit on another girl.” Jake places his hands on my
hips and pulls my body back closer to his. “This
one is off limits.”

I have just been claimed.

Chapter Six

AKE

HOLD

LAIR

, my fingers digging into the

flesh  of  her  hips.  My  body  shakes  with  irritation
and  I  know  my  actions  are  only  giving  those  who
watch  more  fuel  to  burn  me.  But  I  couldn’t  rein  it
all  in—the  need  to  protect  her,  the  desire  to  keep
her  sheltered  from  the  fucked-up  assholes  who
surround her.

“You good?” I ask Blair, still staring a hole into

the guy who now refuses to look up at me. He’s
swiveled around facing the band, tapping his foot,
long since forgetting the altercation he was seconds
away from being the center of.

“I’m okay,” she assures me, placing her hand

over mine. “But I think you should know that this
caveman side of you is very sexy.”

I drag my stare away from the guy and look

down to see Blair looking back over her shoulder.
Her chin tilts upward, a smile tugging at her lips. It
was impossible not to smile in return.

“You’re trouble,” I tell her before placing a

quick kiss to her lips.

I see the surprise in her eyes when I step away

and  move  back  toward  my  end  of  the  bar.  I
shouldn’t have kissed her, I know, but I was unable
to  stop  myself.  Blair  has  me  saying  and  doing  all
kinds  of  shit  I  can  normally  refrain  from.  But  her
goodness,  the  sweet  girl  she  is,  makes  me  want
everything she has to offer.

Part of me wants to tell her everything then

convince her that the safest thing is for her to run
off with me, only I know that can’t work. They
would find us, and we would both pay.

The rest of the night goes by fairly quickly and

without any further need to deem Blair off limits. In
fact, most of the guys who need drinks come to my
end of the bar instead of hers. Each time I look in
her direction and smile as if I’d won the battle. She
doesn’t seem to mind though, there is a glow to her
almost like me announcing our connection was the
best possible thing I could have done.

When closing time came, I lock the doors and

Blair, Tom, Marla, and myself move around

cleaning  and  closing  things  up.  The  band  gathers
their  equipment  and  loads  it  into  the  van  that  sits
right  outside  the  back  door.  I  can  feel  myself
growing more impatient with each passing minute. I
want  nothing  more  than  to  throw  them  all  out  and
get some much-needed alone time with Blair.

I feel off-kilter, unsettled, and maybe even a

little agitated.

When Marla and Tom tell me they are done and

ask if there is anything more they can do to help, I
tell  them  much  too  quickly  that  Blair  and  I  can
handle  the  rest.  By  the  knowing  smile  on  Marla’s
face  and  the  smirk  on  Tom’s,  I  can  only  assume
they know the thoughts running through my mind.

The band manager tosses me a nod before

ducking out the back door and I’m quick to lock up
behind him. That feeling of being a kid again
returns as I spin to face Blair. Excitement hits me
like a freight train as she looks up through her long
lashes and tries her best to fight the smile tugging at
her lips.

I pause for a few seconds, simply taking her in.

I  love  the  way  she  looks  at  me;  no  one  has  ever
eyed me the way she does with that simple gesture
alone.  She  doesn’t  seem  to  see  me  as  a  Gunther;
she  doesn’t  fear  me,  and  that  feels  better  than
anything I have ever felt before.

I see the way her chest begins to rise and fall

faster as her breathing grows more ragged when I

approach.  Just  when  she  thinks  I’m  going  to  reach
out  for  her,  I  step  around  and  go  to  the  jukebox
instead.  I  swear  I  hear  her  sigh  in  defeat  and
fucking  love  the  idea  of  her  wanting  me  to  touch
her so badly that when I don’t she is disappointed.

I glide my finger over the choices, taking my

time to pick the one with the right mood. Sexy yet
meaningful, one that will allow me to hold her
close, but with just enough depth.

When the beat of the song begins I close my

eyes for only a few seconds before turning to face
her.  Holding  out  my  hand  for  her,  I  feel  my  heart
rate  spike  when  she  places  her  palm  in  my  own.
With  a  quick  jerk,  she  lets  out  a  squeal  before  her
body slams against mine.

Her laughter is infectious; the sound of it seems

to make the hell of my world escape so easily.
When Blair places her other hand against my chest
just over my heart before looking up to me, I swear
it skips a fucking beat.

“You are so beautiful.” The words seem to burn

my throat. I know it is because I have never meant
anything more.

“So are you.”
I chuckle, and she buries her face against my

chest almost like she is embarrassed.

“That’s a new one,” I tell her, forcing her to

look up at me once more. “But I like it.” Beautiful
to me means something of innocence, something of

purity. Call me a fucking pansy for loving the idea
that she saw me as such. I know if she knew who I
truly was she wouldn’t be thinking the same.

Our gazes lock on one another, no words

needed as we continue to move together like we’ve
been doing it forever. Dipping my head just enough
to  bring  my  lips  to  hers,  she  accepts  my  kiss
without  pause.  What  I  intended  to  start  as  nothing
more than a simple kiss quickly changes to more. I
have  never  been  able  to  get  so  lost  in  one  person
before, but with Blair, I do. She makes me forget so
easily  the  last  job  I  was  sent  in  to  complete;  she
helped  me  forget  the  man  I  was  born  to  be.  She
gives  me  hope  that  I  could  be  something  more,  be
something great.

The song ends and as the next one begins I grip

her  hips  and  begin  backing  her  toward  the  office
where  we’d  started  this  very  thing  earlier  tonight.
Ever  since  I  stepped  out  of  there  and  left  her
behind,  I’d  been  swarmed  with  visions  of  her
perched over my desk or straddling me in my chair.
It  was  hard  to  concentrate  all  night,  and  I  found
myself  hiding  my  erection  on  more  than  a  few
occasions.

Just as we reach the doorway, I slide one hand

around  her  waist  and  lower  it  to  the  hem  of  her
skirt.  Only  I  don’t  stop  there;  I  reach  beneath  and
trace  over  the  edge  of  her  panties  on  the  inside  of
her  thigh.  Finding  that  she  is  as  turned  on  as  I  am

only  made  it  that  much  harder  to  fight  the
animalistic  urges  that  race  through  me.  The  tip  of
my  finger  tucks  beneath  her  panties  as  I  slide
smoothly  over  her  entrance;  she  is  wet  and  so
warm.  Wasting  no  further  time,  I  push  my  finger
inside  her  from  behind  and  she  pushes  back
opening herself even more.

“You drive me so crazy.”
The feeling is mutual. Crazy is light in

comparison to the emotions and feelings racing
through me. I want this: her and me and us. I want
to feel this way every single day and night.

I remove my finger from her wetness and she

groans  in  protest.  I  see  a  disappointed  look  take
over  her  gorgeous  face.  But  when  I  lift  her  skirt,
hook  one  finger  on  each  side  of  her  panties,  and
begin to lower them, her eyes glaze over.

Her body rests back against the edge of the

desk,  as  if  to  gain  leverage  and  stability  from  her
trembling  legs.  Lowering  her  panties  to  the  floor
with  ease  I  remain  kneeled  before  her.  I  can  smell
how  aroused  she  is  and  it  makes  me  crazed.
Leaning in, I kiss her exposed thigh before moving
to  the  next.  Blair's  legs  only  begin  to  shake  even
more as she reaches out to place one hand onto my
shoulder.  I  smile  against  her  thigh,  knowing  that
what  I  am  about  to  do  will  throw  her  over  the
ledge.

So very slowly I graze her clit with the tip of my

tongue and a deep guttural moan falls from her lips.
Holy  fuck  she  is  amazing.  I  can’t  seem  to  get
enough  of  her,  and  I’m  not  only  referring  to  the
way  she  is  displayed  before  me  now.  I  mean
“enough” in every sense of the word. Her eyes, her
smile,  her  laughter,  and  the  way  she  touches  me
even  when  she  is  just  brushing  past  me  behind  the
bar. Her purity and the sweet gentle way about her
make me feel so unbelievably safe and real.

Unable to control myself any longer, I rise and

loosen  the  buckle  of  my  jeans.  Freeing  my  cock,  I
quickly  sheath  myself  and  move  forward  to  graze
over  her  wetness.  Another  whimper  followed  by  a
whispered  “Yes”  leaves  me  as  desperate  as  she
sounds.

I slam inside her, Blair’s back arches up off the

desk,  and  she  grips  the  edge  so  hard  her  knuckles
appear white. I try to pace myself, go slow and take
my  time  enjoying  each  drive,  each  withdrawal,  or
the  way  her  body  squeezes  me  so  perfectly,  only  I
cannot  seem  to.  All  that  races  through  my  mind  is
that  I  want  this  with  her  every  fucking  minute  of
every fucking day.

When I look down, starting at the place we’re

joined and scanning over her body then upward
toward her gorgeous face, I find a look in her eyes
that matches my thoughts. She feels it too, I know
she does. This connection we have. One I shouldn’t
be feeling or allowing to take place, but am unable

to fight.

I have never felt anything like it before in my

life.

Immediately I feel her tighten around me, and I

grip her hips tighter, doing my best to drag out her
pleasure. Her eyes roll back, she bites her lips, and
suddenly I feel her let go. That is all it takes to
drive me over the edge. Together we share what is
one of the most intense and intimate moments of
my life.

I don’t want the moment between us to end, but

I know I’ve already pressed my luck. Any second,
one of my father's men or hell even my brother
could show up, and that is the last thing I want. So I
reluctantly pull free and clean myself up. I can hear
her moving around behind me, I’m sure doing much
of the same.

With my pants now once again in place, I fasten

my buckle and look up to find her looking
anywhere but at me. Quickly I reach out, forgetting
my pants and hook her around the waist, pulling her
body against mine. Her eyes widen in surprise just
before I press my lips to hers.

“You have no idea how much every second

with you means to me.” I rest my forehead to hers,
still keeping my eyes closed. “It’s like I can’t
breathe it’s so consuming, every look you give me,
the way you touch me. I’ve never been this reliant
on anyone before, like I can’t get enough.”

“Me too.” Her whisper is like another squeeze

to my already aching heart.

We stay this way for what feels like forever, but

I know it’s only a few seconds before I back away.

“We better close this place up.” And continue

this back at my place, or yours. I want to say the
rest, but I know I need to check in with my father.
If I don’t, I’ll find him or one of his assholes
seeking me out instead.

We finish shutting off the lights and step

outside,  locking  the  back  entrance.  I  link  my  hand
with  hers  and  together  we  walk  toward  her  car,
parked  only  a  few  feet  from  my  own.  When  she
looks at me, her head tilted to one side and a smile
tugging at her lips, I can’t help but smile in return.

“I think you and I need to plan a getaway.” I

know to stick around here is something I can’t
chance. “Someplace I can have you all to myself.”

“I’ll have to see if my boss will give me some

time off.”

“I think if you ask him nicely anything is

possible.” I kiss her one last time before backing
away and allowing her to get inside her car. It is a
difficult task because the second I feel the distance
between us, my hands shake to reach out for her
once again.

She offers me a gentle wave just before placing

her car in reverse and backing out of her space. I
watch her drive off toward the main road and I

know the only way I’ll be happy is if I know she is
safely tucked away inside her apartment.

So I follow distantly behind in my own car and

pull over to the side of the road when I see her park
in an open space across from her building. Flipping
my lights off, I wait until she gathers her bag, closes
her door and hurries across the street.

God, she is fucking beautiful.
I place my hand to my chest and press as if that

will soothe the ache I felt. I want to go to her, I
need it, only I can’t. I have to figure out a way to
get the answers my father needs and keep her too.

Chapter Seven

LAIR

CLIMB

out of the shower and wrap myself in my

worn out light blue robe. It really has seen better
days, but it’s so soft and I love it too much to throw
it away. Just as I step out of the bathroom and into
the small hallway that leads to my room the door
buzzer rings, indicating I have a visitor.

My legs and my entire body still feel weak from

the previous evening after Jake and I closed down
the bar. Memories of it have continued to flood my
mind ever since the moment I drove away and saw
him watching from behind.

I tighten the strap of my robe and start moving

across the living room toward the door when the

buzzer sounds a second time.

Lifting up on my toes, I peek through the

peephole  and  feel  my  heart  begin  to  race.  I’m
pleasantly  surprised  to  find  Jake  standing  on  the
other side. He’d made promises of getting together
again  but  I  hadn’t  allowed  myself  to  believe  it
would  be  this  soon.  I  assumed  it  was  his  way  of
escaping without awkwardness.

Now here he was.
I try not to appear too eager as I slowly unlatch

the locks and pull the door open, smiling when he
steps forward, pushing it open further.

Did I mention that Jake Gunner is impatient and

has absolutely no problem taking exactly what he
wants when he wants it? He proved that last night,
over and over, and even before that.

I’m suddenly pressed up against the wall just

inside my door and the robe I had tied securely
around me is now parted, exposing my naked body.

“Hi,” he offers, looking down at me hungrily.
“Hi,” I say in return, my cheeks aching from

the unbelievably large grin that is now covering my
lips.

There is something undeniably sexy about his

confidence.

“You feel like hanging out all day, hiding from

everyone else? Just you and I locked away inside
your place, ignoring everyone else even exists.”

I have a feeling he already knows I won’t say

no. I think my attraction for him is pretty evident. It
doesn’t matter how I attempt to hide it or pretend
he doesn’t get to me, my body reacts instantly
whenever he's near.

I had to say I was a little thrown by his interest

in  me  though.  He  didn’t  seem  like  the  kind  of  guy
who would be spending much of his time with only
one  woman.  But  with  me  he  seems  different,  not
that  cocky  arrogant  man  behind  the  bar  that  he
shows everyone else.

“That’s workable,” I say as he presses his body

closer to mine and parts my legs with his thigh. It
doesn’t go unnoticed that he shifts his leg against
me in a teasing manner.

“Completely workable,” I confess as I place my

hands beneath the hem of his shirt and begin
trailing them upward over his toned abs.

There is nothing soft about Jake.
“What are you waiting for?”
I pause, my hands resting against his abs as I

look up at him, slightly confused by his question.

“Do you want me, Blair?” he asks, and I

swallow past the lump in my throat. Was he joking?

“Yes,” I say in return.
“Then take what you want.” He steps back and

lifts his shirt over his head before he drops it to the
floor by his feet.

I stand frozen with my back still pressed firmly

against the wall as I watch this sexy man undress in

front  of  me.  When  he  is  gloriously  naked  only  a
few  feet  away  I  am  finally  able  to  gather  enough
strength  to  move  toward  him  and  take  what  he
offers.

He doesn’t touch me at first but instead allows

me  to  explore  him.  I  take  the  opportunity  to  roam
over  his  chest  and  arms  appreciatively  with  the
palms  of  my  hands.  Each  dip  of  his  many  ridges
and the flex of his muscles beneath my hands only
manage to excite me more. I knew all along he’d be
amazing, but to see it now, to feel him, is so much
more than a simple fantasy.

Moving in closer, I press a kiss just over his

heart and teasingly move lower as I kneel slowly
before him.

He still refrains from touching me, his chest

rising  and  falling  quickly  with  each  breath.  With
one  hand  sprawling  out  over  each  of  his  thighs,  I
lean in and run my tongue gently over the length of
him.  His  legs  tremble  and  I  feel  triumphant  for  a
moment,  knowing  I’m  making  him  feel  unsteady.  I
love  this  feeling  because  I  know  a  man  like  him
doesn’t break often.

Lifting my hand, I wrap it securely around his

cock  and  take  him  into  my  mouth,  watching  his
eyes  flutter  shut  just  before  his  head  tilts  back.  I
swear  I  hear  a  deep  growl  rumble  inside  him,  and
again that feeling of victory hits me.

With each stroke of my tongue, each shift of

my fisted hand over him I see him fall apart just a
little  more.  When  he  begins  to  thrust  his  hips  with
the  movements  of  my  mouth  I  know  I  have  him.
Then  he  fists  my  hair  and  starts  to  guide  me  as  he
takes over. I’d never really enjoyed this part of sex;
it  was  something  I’d  managed  to  avoid  often,  but
this is different. Just the look on his face as he takes
from  me  what  he  needs  makes  excitement  ignite
inside of me like I’ve never felt before.

When he pulls back quickly and his hardness

falls from my mouth I see a fire in his eyes. One of
deep hunger, one that maybe I should fear, only I
don’t.

I’m lifted from the floor and moved toward my

room before I have the chance to argue. Not like I
would have.

He lowers me to the floor and I look over my

shoulder to see him tearing open a condom package
with his teeth. For a split second, I wonder to
myself where he’d held it all this time, but that
thought is quickly forgotten.

Jake grips my waist, turns me around and parts

my legs with his. With just enough pressure applied
to my lower back, I fall forward and place my
hands on the footboard of my bed.

I’m just about ready to make a comment that

his  favorite  position  must  be  taking  a  girl  from
behind  when  I  feel  him  slam  into  me,  making  me
cry  out  in  surprise.  The  position  is  no  longer

relevant because I’ll take him however I can get
him, it doesn’t matter.

“Fuck,” he moans, and it almost sounds angry,

like the fact that it feels so good irritates him. Jake
fucks with vigorous thrusts, he isn’t slow, but he is
consuming.  He  doesn’t  give  a  woman  a  chance  to
right  herself  or  collect  her  thoughts;  he  just  takes
what  he  needs.  And  in  the  process,  he  gives  all  he
can, too.

With one hand on my hip and the other on my

shoulder,  he  uses  the  leverage  he’s  gained  to  pull
my  body  backward  to  meet  his  thrusts.  He  is  so
deep  that  at  one  point  I  wonder  if  I  can  take  any
more before I lose myself completely.

“That’s it,” he encourages me. “Let go,” he

moans and that alone has to be the most
exhilarating sound I’ve ever heard. “You’re
squeezing me so tight, so damn tight.”

My body spins out of control and I sag forward,

feeling myself come with such force my entire body
trembles.

“Blair.” My name falls from his lips as he tenses

and swells inside me.

I remain perfectly still, hunched over the end of

my bed, with Jake still buried inside me. I know at
this point there is no going back from this. If things
get awkward, if things change, I understand that
continuing to work with him will be impossible.

Chapter Eight

AKE

LIE

AWAKE

, unsure of exactly what time it is. My

legs are tangled with Blair’s beneath the sheets as
she practically covers my body like a blanket. It is
perfect, she is perfect.

We’ve spent the day getting lost in one another.

It’s an easy task when it comes to her. She is the
kind of girl who takes all the ugliness in my life and
makes it feel nonexistent. Getting lost in her is one
of the easiest things I’ve ever done.

For hours, I’ve allowed myself to believe what

she and I are experiencing isn’t tarnished by my
father and his expectations. I just want to feel like
what we are doing, what we are sharing can be real.

I  understand  that  I’m  setting  myself  up  to  be
disappointed,  but  I  also  can’t  stop  my  need  to
know,  the  need  to  experience  what  it  feels  like  to
fall  for  someone.  I’ll  admit,  nothing  has  ever  felt
this extraordinary.

Now as I lie here, knowing I’m about to deceive

her and the trust she’s given me, I feel sick. Her cell
phone begins to ring across the room and by that
alone I know it’s now eight in the evening.

I’ve been expecting it to ring, almost willing it

not to, but knowing it has to.

I planned for it.
“Blair,” I say in a husky voice. I want it to

appear as though the call has woken me. “Your
phone’s ringing.”

“Mm,” she groans as she tries to bury her body

even closer to mine. The thought of allowing her to
do so and ignoring the call crosses my mind. But
instead I nudge her side and she reluctantly sits up
and begins moving from the bed toward the ringing
phone.

“Hello.” I want to laugh at her obvious

annoyance. “Sadie,” Blair complains, whines really,
“how many times can one person lock their keys in
their car?” There is a pause before she sighs. “Fine,
but I’m not getting dressed and I sure as shit am not
combing my hair. And when I drive by you better
be prepared to catch ’cause I’m not even gonna
stop as I toss your spare key out the window.”

I lie perfectly still, acting as if I’ve fallen back

to sleep. I hope the plan works and she doesn’t
insist on me riding along with her. I just need a little
time alone inside her apartment.

The room grows silent just before I feel the bed

dip at my side. Then the feeling of her lips brushes
over my cheek as she presses a soft kiss there. The
gesture makes me feel like an even bigger ass than I
already am.

I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her, I

know  that.  But  it  was  almost  impossible  not  too
once  I  got  to  know  her.  I  found  myself  wanting  to
protect  her  and  do  whatever  it  took  to  get  her  out
of the middle of Nate’s mess. No matter how hard
I’ve tried to convince my father she knows nothing,
he won’t listen to me.

“I need to take Sadie her spare key,” Blair

whispers near my ear and I remain still. “I’m
hoping when I get back you’re still here.”

I wasn’t sure if she bought that I’d fallen back

to sleep, but I had to believe she had. I doubt she’d
be so openly sharing her thoughts if she believed
me to be awake.

“I like being in your arms, Jake, I like how you

make me feel. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt
this safe.” She may as well have punched me in the
balls. That would have been less painful than her
words.

I wait, remaining very still until I feel the bed

give  at  my  side,  an  indication  she  is  standing  once
again.  Then  I  hear  the  sound  of  her  bare  feet
tapping  along  the  floor  as  she  retreats  toward  the
living room. I lie very still until I hear the sound of
keys  just  before  the  door  to  her  apartment  clicks
shut.

I know I have very little time, so I move fast.

Ignoring the empty ache in my stomach, I start with
the closet and under the bed, sifting through boxes
and containers in search of anything that may lead
me  to  Nate.  With  each  passing  second,  I  feel  my
heart  beat  faster  with  the  idea  of  her  returning  to
find  me  going  through  her  things.  I  sort  through
drawers, careful not to make a mess in the process.

All I need is one little piece of information,

anything  that  will  give  me  something  to  take  back
to  my  father.  An  old  envelope,  a  bank  statement
with  an  old  address  of  his  parents.  Any  relative,
really, that he may have run too.

When I’ve gone through everything in her

bedroom I move quickly to the living room and
start doing the same thing. My hands shake as
adrenaline courses through me. My stomach twists
and turns with the deceitfulness of my actions.

I’ve just completed my search of a drawer in

the kitchen and am in the process of carefully
placing the items back inside when the front door
opens. I spin around as Blair steps inside and eyes

me with curiosity.

“What are you doing?” She looks past me

toward the mess on the counter and all I can think
is I have to act fast.

“I was looking for takeout menus.” Her brows

are  still  scrunched  up  in  the  middle.  “After  the
workout you’ve given me today, I feel like I need to
refuel.”  I  offer  a  wag  of  my  brows,  attempting  to
lighten  the  moment  and  am  relieved  when  she
smiles back at me.

“I think you’re the one that gave me a

workout.”

Ignoring the mess behind me, I move toward

her in a desperate need to have her close. Hooking
my arm around her waist I pull her to me, her chest
pressing firmly to mine. Blair’s eyes search my own
and that hollow feeling inside me returns. I want to
tell her that very second who I am and what I’m in
search  of,  but  I’m  fearful  that  things  have  already
gone  too  far.  The  idea  of  losing  her  even  though  I
know  in  the  end  I  will  anyway  is  too  much.  I’m
living a lie, I know that, but it feels so good to let go
of reality.

“What do you say we order something for

dinner and then crawl back into bed after we eat?”
Lifting my hand, I push the hair away from her face
and cup her jaw. “I kinda like sleeping next to
you.” More like fucking love it.

She has me saying and doing all sorts of shit

I’ve  always  managed  to  avoid  before.  Having
connections  to  anyone  was  something  I’ve
refrained  from  because  when  people  were  close,
they  only  became  a  means  to  hurt  me,  something
my father could hang over my head and use against
me if he found it necessary. But I can’t stop myself.
Blair  has  gotten  beneath  my  skin,  so  fucking  deep
that all I can feel is her.

“Are you getting soft on me, Jake?” She smirks

knowingly, and I shift my hips forward, biting at her
lower lip and giving it a gentle tug.

“Whenever you’re near, I can assure you there

is nothing soft about me.” I thrust my hips forward
more suggestively and she gasps when she finds out
I’m hard. It’s an unavoidable reaction to Blair.

“You do know we can’t hide out inside my

apartment forever.” Oh, how I wish we could.

“We have until tomorrow when we both have

to be back to work to remain just where we are.”

“Almost another entire day together.”
She looks up at me through her long gorgeous

lashes  and  appears  so  sweet  and  innocent.  She
weakens  me  with  that  simple  look,  makes  me  feel
as though I can barely breathe, and has no idea how
she  affects  me.  I  think  that’s  what  attracts  me  the
most about Blair. She is the light in all the darkness
that surrounds me.

“What will we do with all that time?”
“I can think of a few things.” I allow my hand

on her waist to loosen as I wrap my other around
her then cup her ass in both palms. When I lift her,
she gives a little hop and immediately wraps her
legs around my waist.

“But what about the food?”
“Suddenly I’m not hungry for food anymore.” I

kiss her jaw and her head tilts back, opening up
more for me to explore. “I think I’ll feast on you
instead.”

“Yes, please,” she pants, and I smile against her

neck. This is gonna come back to bite me in the ass,
I  just  know  it.  But  again,  how  can  one  stop  doing
the  things  they  know  they  shouldn’t  when  it  feels
this  fucking  good?  Being  with  Blair,  getting  lost  in
her  world  is  an  escape  for  me.  She  is  everything  I
know  I  don’t  deserve,  and  knowing  that  one  day
it’ll end makes me desperate to take all I can now.

It’s wrong, I know it’s wrong, but I can’t stop.

Chapter Nine

LAIR

“ I

WAS

BEGINNING

to wonder if I should fill out a

missing  person’s  report.”  I  open  my  front  door  to
find Whitney standing on the opposite side. She has
her  arms  crossed  over  her  chest  and  a  displeased
look  on  her  face.  “Did  you  even  consider  that  I’d
worry  after  being  unable  to  reach  you  for  more
than twenty-four hours?”

“Sorry,” I say with a shrug, still holding onto the

door to keep it partially closed.

“Is there a reason as to why you aren’t letting

me come inside?” Whitney is so unlike Sadie. She’s
more the mother hen type, always telling me what
she thinks, hovering in a sense, ensuring things are

how they should be. “What are you hiding? Or
should I ask who?”

She knows my life better than anyone—she

knows  my  past.  A  father  who  left  when  I  was  six
and  a  mother  who  checked  out  shortly  after.  I
practically raised myself for two years before I was
taken  from  my  mother  and  placed  in  foster  care.
Whitney was the little girl next door to the home I
was  placed  in  and  quickly  became  my  best  friend.
She  defended  me  when  kids  would  pick  on  me
about  my  clothes.  She  would  shelter  me  when  the
mean  girls  at  school  would  whisper  behind  my
back.  I  love  her  so  very  much  for  all  the  support
she’s given me, but sometimes I wish she’d loosen
the reins just a little.

“Jake.” The second his name leaves my lips she

scowls in disapproval.

“Your boss.” She shifts her weight and juts out

her hip.

“Technically, he’s not my boss,” I say with an

innocent shrug, hoping to lighten the moment.
“He’s just the manager.”

Whitney shakes her head. “When are you

gonna figure out that if you keep going after that
type of guy you’re gonna get hurt in the end?”

Looking back over my shoulder, I verify the

shower is still running. “He’s not who you think he
is.” I can see the questioning look in her eyes. “I
think the dark and dangerous is just a show for the

job.”

“Blair,” Whitney lets her arms relax in front of

her as she steps closer, “you barely know him.
Think about it. You can’t let yourself get wrapped
up again and become oblivious to the signs around
you.”

“What signs?” Now it’s my turn to get annoyed

and maybe a little agitated.

“He’s a bartender, one who openly flirts with

every  woman  that  comes  in.”  I  start  to  argue  but
she lifts her hand to stop me. “Before you say that's
part  of  the  job,  let  me  assure  you  that  there  is  a
limit  and  that  man  doesn’t  play  by  the  rules.  I  just
think you're blinded by the guy on the outside and
in  the  end,  I’m  gonna  be  picking  up  the  pieces  of
you that he leaves behind.”

Her words feel like a stab wound to my chest,

partly  because  I  fear  them  to  be  true.  “It’s  just
fun,”  I  assure  her,  trying  my  best  to  keep  my
emotions  clear.  “Thought  I’d  take  Sadie’s  advice
and have a little fling. You need to stop worrying so
much.”

Whitney watches me, her gaze scanning over

me as she analyzes me carefully. I can already tell
she’s not completely buying my story.

“I just want you to be careful.” Finally, the

hardness  of  her  expression  softens.  “You  deserve
something  better  than  a  guy  that  just  wants  to  use
you.  I  wish  you  could  see  that.”  Without  another

word, she leans in and offers me a quick hug before
turning to walk back toward the elevator.

Not once does she turn back to face me, and I’ll

admit, her disappointment and concern does leave
me feeling slightly off-kilter.

Shutting the door quickly, I walk toward the

kitchen  to  still  see  the  mess  on  my  counter  from
earlier.  Old  bills  and  invoices  are  scattered,  plus  a
copy  of  the  lease  I’d  forgotten  I’d  had.  Seeing
Nate’s  name  reminded  me  of  that  time  in  my  life
when I swore I’d be more careful with my choices.
Whitney had the right to worry; she’s stood by my
side more times than I can count as I went through
the  phases  of  grief:  sadness,  guilt,  resentment,  and
anger.

One item at a time I start to place the papers

back  into  the  drawer.  I  fight  against  the  uneasy
feelings that begin to fill my stomach. I’m so lost in
thought  I  don’t  hear  Jake  sneak  up  behind  me.  He
wraps his arms around me from behind, pulling my
body  back  against  his,  and  I  feel  like  my  heart
lurches inside my chest.

“Jesus, you scared me,” I confess, and he

chuckles.

“Sorry.” A gentle kiss is pressed to my temple,

and  it  furthers  the  discomfort  I’ve  started  to  feel.
This  is  how  it  starts,  all  relationships  or  whatever
you  want  to  call  this.  Everything  is  good,  then  it
slowly starts to fall apart.

“What are we doing?” I ask the question before

I can stop myself as I turn in his arms to face him.
His eyebrows scrunch up as he tilts his head to the
side, looking over my face slowly. “This,” I add as I
motion between us with my hand, “I’m not sure
what this is.”

Jake remains silent, watching me closely.

Something passes over his face, a look of concern,
insecurity maybe, I’m not sure.

“We have to go back to the bar tonight and

work side by side and I guess I just need to know
what—”

He silences me with a kiss as he steps closer

and cups my face with his hands. Holding me firmly
to him, he continues to move his lips and tongue
against my own. I’m instantly reminded of how my
body reacts to his touch.

“I like you, Blair,” he confesses, pulling back

from our kiss for only a second. His confession
manages to make me more nervous. “This,” again
he pauses, letting his forehead rest to mine, “is two
people getting to know each other. It’s us exploring
the options of what we could become.”

My pulse quickens.
“We go to work, just as we always do.” Jake

lifts  his  forehead  and  leans  back,  his  gaze  settling
on  mine.  “Only  now,  when  any  guy  openly  gawks
at you, I’ll be assuring them you’re not available.” I
arch  my  brow  and  he  smiles.  “And  you  have  the

right to do the same.”

“Is that so?” I can’t help but smile when he

looks at me so seriously, as if those words are set in
stone and nothing I say or do will change them.

He nods his head.
“We don’t need to figure out what we are and

what we'll be in one night or even one week.” Jake
skims over my lip with his thumb. “I just know that
being with you feels right, and it’s been a long time
since I’ve felt what I feel now.”

“What do you feel?” Maybe I should let it go

and choose to protect my heart, only I can’t stop
myself. I have to know.

“Like you could be the one person to change

everything.”

My chest tightens and my knees feel weak. I

know here and now that he is right. Because I feel
it too.

AKE

LEFT

ONLY

a few hours ago so he could go

home  and  change  for  work.  I  spent  the  time  alone
trying  to  regain  my  sense  of  control.  I  know
Whitney  is  right  and  that  I  need  to  slow  things
down.  The  last  day  and  a  half  has  been  amazing,
but getting completely wrapped up in a guy so fast
isn’t a smart thing for a girl like me to do.

I have a terrible habit of latching onto other

people to find the peace I think they hold for me.
It’s my downfall, and easily allows me to forget that
I have a whole set of my own issues.

I stand in front of my mirror, wondering how

I’ll get through tonight. My stomach is a mess, my
eyes burn with the impending feeling of wanting to
curl  up  in  a  corner  and  once  again  cry  over  what
my life has become. Not just over the last few days,
but  the  past  few  years.  I’ve  let  myself  go  down  a
path I swore I never would. I want something better
than  my  childhood.  Something  better  than  the
people who brought me into this world. I just want
more, period.

With a deep breath in and a slow breath out, I

look over my outfit one last time. A pair of dark
skinny jeans, high heeled boots and a shimmering
red top, low cut and revealing. I feel satisfied with
my choice.

I spin around and square my shoulders as I walk

toward  the  door.  Over  and  over  in  my  head,  I
remind  myself  that  I  don’t  need  a  man,  or  anyone
really,  because  I  am  strong  and  confident.  Though
each  word  I  speak  feels  like  a  lie,  I  continue  to
chant  them.  Maybe  if  I  say  them  enough  I  will
become that person I so want to be.

Chapter Ten

AKE

“ T

HERE

WAS

NOTHING

THERE

,” I assure my father as

he stares back at me, unsatisfied. His eyes narrow,
his  nostrils  flaring  as  he  continues  to  take  in  one
raging  breath  after  another.  “I  looked  through  the
entire  place  and  found  nothing  of  his  but  a  lease
with no more information than we already have.”

“Did you ask her?”
“She doesn’t know anything,” I tell him,

ignoring his question.

“She knows something of value to me, Cyrus.”
I feel my adrenaline rise as he holds my stare.
“You’ve just allowed yourself to get wrapped

up in the girl and have managed to forget your

responsibilities. Getting laid has clouded your
judgment and from what Gabe tells me of this girl, I
can see how that can be done.”

I look toward my brother and find him smiling

wide.

“He says she’s very attractive.”
Gabe purses his lips and I want nothing more

than to knock the fucking look from his face.

“But it’s time for me to find a means to gather

the information you’ve neglected to collect.”

My father’s words instantly regain my full

attention. “What?”

“You’ve had your fun, Cyrus, and in the

process gotten a good piece, from what I can
assume.” My hands fist at my sides. “But I’ve
decided to take a different route.”

“What are you talking about?” My blood

pumps faster, making me feel lightheaded. The
chair my brother sits in squeaks from across the
floor as he stands.

“Don’t worry, brother,” he says as he begins to

walk toward the door. “I’ll be as gentle as I can
with her.”

I was moving across the room faster than my

mind could register only to be grabbed from behind.
Paul, my father’s flunky, bodyguard, whatever the
fuck you want to call him, and Brody, his oldest
friend, hold onto me from behind as Gabe stands in
the now open doorway. He looks back at me, a look

of triumph on his face. “I promise not to damage
her pretty face.”

“Don’t fucking touch her,” I seethe as I attempt

to break free from the hold I am captured in.

“But touching her is gonna be the best part.”

Gage licks his lower lip and I suddenly feel sick.

“I swear Gabe, if you hurt her, or lay one finger

on her, brother or not, I’ll fucking kill you.”

He looks past me, I’m sure gaining approval

from my father just before his eyes meet mine once
more. He offers me a wink before he walks out of
the room, a deep chuckle echoing down the hall.

“She’s just a woman, Cyrus,” my father says

nonchalantly as the two men guide me back toward
the chair I had been sitting in. “They are a dime a
dozen  and  we  can  even  find  you  a  sweet  little
brunette  that  looks  like  this  Blair  woman.”  I  want
to fight back, I want to tell him what a sorry piece
of  shit  he  is,  but  I  know  it  will  only  prolong  me
getting to  Blair. I  have  to get  out  of this  room  and
playing Zeke’s game is the only way to do so.

“I don’t like not being able to complete a job,” I

say as my nostrils flare and my hands shake. “I was
just sampling a little along the way, no harm in that.
Plus wearing her down enough to give me the time
to snoop around worked well. I got off, and she
passed out.” The words felt like acid as I spoke
them.

“Good strategy, boy,” my father states and both

Chapter Eleven

LAIR

LOCK

my car and spin around only to come face

to face with two men I don’t know. My heart races
as I step back and bump up against the side of my
car. “Hey pretty lady,” the darker haired man says
as  he  smiles  wide.  One  of  his  front  teeth  is  half
missing, making him somehow appear even scarier.
“You  shouldn’t  be  outside  in  a  dark  parking  lot  all
by  yourself.  Didn’t  anyone  ever  teach  you  to  be
more cautious?”

“What do you want?” My voice shakes with

fear as I try to figure out how to get away from
these men. “Here,” I hold out my keys and my
purse, “take them.”

“Ah baby.” I feel sick to my stomach as he

reaches out and skims over my arm with the tip of
his finger. The echo of the other man laughing only
makes me feel more intimidated. “We don’t want
your car or your money.”

I look between the two men and find them both

scanning over me from head to toe.

“I would like to use her back seat, though, for a

little sample.” Bile rises in my throat as tears prick
my eyes. The taller guy with greasy blond hair
reaches down and grips himself suggestively.

“Cool down, Rick,” the man with the broken

tooth says calmly. “Unless you want to be on the
receiving end of my brother's fist, or worse his gun,
I’d remember to keep your hands and your dick to
yourself.”

“Are you telling me we aren’t gonna touch her

even a little bit?”

A tear rolls over my cheek and he glides his

finger along my cheekbone to catch it, before
bringing it to his lips. With his tongue, he tastes the
moisture and again I feel my body tremble with
fear.

“Though I’d love nothing more than to go a few

rounds with Cyrus, I think hurting this girl may lead
him to a place he’s never gone.” I have no idea who
they are talking about, but I find I’m thankful that
he somehow ensures my safety. Or I hope he has.
“It would seem she’s gotten beneath his skin.”

As he says this, he trails the finger over my arm

and along my chest to the exposed space between
my breasts. I’ve never in my life felt so dirty, but
his touch makes my skin crawl.

“My brother seems to be possessed by

whatever it is you’re offering him.” I swallow hard.
“I’ll admit, I’d love a taste too.”

When he smiles wide, all I can focus on is the

empty space where a tooth once was. I need a
place to zero in on, something to keep me from
slipping to the ground and curling into a ball.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” My

voice trembles.

“Cyrus,” he says the name once more, and I

still have no idea who this person is. “I think you
know him as Jake.”

I gasp, then quickly close my mouth as my

vision clouds.

“You see…” He dips his finger lower, tucking it

into  the  center  binding  of  my  bra.  I  shiver  out  of
sheer  disgust.  He,  of  course,  takes  it  a  different
way. A pleased smirk tugs at his lips as he continues
to  urge  his  finger  further.  “My  brother  was
supposed to get inside your head and find answers.
But instead, he just got inside your body.”

My stomach twists as my mind goes over his

words slowly.

“So I’m here to finish the job he couldn’t,” he

whispers as he skims over my cheek with his lips.

His breath is horrid, a mixture of cigarettes and
stale alcohol is all I can smell as it fans out over my
face.

“What job?” I ask as I turn my face away from

him.

“I need to know where I can find Nate.” I move

my head quickly as I turn to look at him once more.
“Name ring a bell?” I don’t have to answer him; I
know he already knows everything he needs to
know about me. “Where can I find him?”

“I haven’t seen Nate in more than six months.”
He pulls his hand free from my cleavage and I

feel a sense of relief, but that quickly fades when
the back of his hand connects with my cheek.

“You told Cyrus you wouldn’t mess up her

face.” I close my eyes tightly as more tears fall. The
idea that I’ve been used by Jake, or Cyrus,
whatever the hell his name is, breaks my heart. The
worst part is he knew these men were coming to
finish what he couldn’t.

“Shut up,” the toothless man barks as he grips

my throat tightly and pushes me back hard against
the car behind me. “Listen, bitch,” anger is evident
in his voice, “I need answers. So don’t give me any
of your bullshit. We can do this the easy way or the
hard way. But you should know the hard way is
gonna scar your mind and your body for a
lifetime.”

My lower lip trembles and I’m unable to stop it.

“I only know of a few friends. Maybe a cousin that
he could be staying with.” My throat burns as I try
to whisper the words past the pressure he’s
applying to my throat.

“Now we’re getting somewhere.” He smiles,

and that same stale breath engulfs my senses.

I thought he’d step back, but instead, he simply

loosens his grasp and keeps his body pressed firmly
to mine. He gently shifts his hips on occasion and I
can feel how much he seems to be enjoying the
friction it offers.

I try to stay strong and keep the tears at bay,

but I’m terrified of what they may do next.

I quickly ramble off names and locations of

where I thought Nate may have gone, but I swore I
was being truthful before when I said I hadn’t seen
or heard from him since he walked out my door.

When I’m done and the other guy has jotted

down all the information they need, the man I now
know  as  Jake’s  brother  releases  his  hold  on  my
neck. Instead of letting me go, he simply lowers his
hand  over  my  shoulder  and  seeks  out  my  breast.
Cupping  me  hard,  he  squeezes  and  again  shifts  his
hips against me.

“Normally this would be the moment I break a

woman,” he whispers this smugly and I do all I can
to hold down the bile that is threatening to expel.
“The moment when I show her that I’m in control
and that if she ever spoke of this moment I’d be

forced to end her. It’s my favorite part, really.
Hearing a woman cry for help as I degrade her, as I
humiliate her.”

This man is sick.
“But I did make a promise to my brother.”
I want to run when he carefully steps back then

removes his hand from my chest. I could almost
still feel the pressure of his body against mine. I
know it will be a long time before I can forget the
way it felt.

“Don’t make me regret my loyalty to family.”
Was he serious? Loyalty, family? I want to

laugh in his face, but I know that will only make
things worse.

“I’m sure I’ll be seeing ya around, Blair

Wilkerson,  of  Two-Twenty  Westbrook,  Apartment
Twelve-B.”  He  backs  away  with  a  confident  smile
and my body sags against the car, slowly sinking to
the  ground.  I  watch,  unable  to  take  my  eyes  off
them  as  they  both  turn  and  walk  away.  I  don’t
move  until  they  are  completely  gone  and  all  that
remains is silence.

Gathering my keys that had fallen to the ground

in the struggle with Jake’s brother, I stand on shaky
legs and climb inside my car. My hands tremble so
severely that it takes three attempts before I can get
the key in the ignition. It doesn’t matter how hard I
try to hold back the tears; they fall in sheets. My
body shakes with sobs as I drive away from the

parking lot.

My phone vibrates in my purse but I can’t seem

to take my hands off the steering wheel. Somehow
the hard grasp of the leather keeps me from
completely falling apart, like it alone is the last
piece of control that keeps me from crumbling.

I can’t go home; they know where I live, Jake

and those two men. How can he do this? How can
he be part of this crazy game to find Nate? None of
it, nothing about Nate and his choices have
anything to do with my life.

I pull into the parking lot of a gas station and

finally  peel  my  hands  from  the  wheel,  my  fingers
immediately aching from the hard grasp I’ve held. I
have  three  missed  calls  and  a  number  of  text
messages,  all  from  Jake,  and  that  alone  makes  my
vision blur with a new round of tears. I want it to go
away, all of it. I want to forget I know him or that I
ever  let  him  touch  me.  I  want  to  run,  far  away
where  no  one  can  find  me.  Terror  threatens  to
consume  me  and  I  force  myself  to  dial  Whitney’s
number with trembling hands.

“I thought you had to work?” She doesn’t even

take the time to say hello. “Don’t tell me that Mr.-
Fuck-me-all-day-and-night already tossed you
aside.”

“Whit, I need you.” The words are nothing

more than a whisper, but they gain her full
attention.

“Where are you?”
“Down the road from my apartment at the gas

station  on  the  corner.”  I  check  the  area  around  as
fear  strikes  that  they’d  possibly  followed  me
without me knowing. I double check again that the
doors  are  locked  and  all  the  windows  are  up.
Scanning  over  the  area  around  me,  I  place  the  car
in  drive  and  rest  my  foot  on  the  brake.  I  want  to
enhance my chances of escape if they come back.

“Don’t move, Blair,” she says, and I can hear

she is out of breath. “Sadie’s getting her car and
we’ll be right there.”

I nod as if she can actually see me while I

continue to look around me in all directions,
spinning around in my seat from side to side,
looking for any signs of movement.

“Blair.” Whitney says my name in panic.
“I’m here.” I take in a deep breath. “Just hurry,

please.”

Chapter Twelve

AKE

I not been in a room with two armed men and

my  father  I  would  have  broken  free.  I’m  trapped,
and  I  feel  like  I’m  going  to  ignite.  I’ve  tried  more
than half a dozen times to leave and the damage to
my face proves it. I taste blood, can barely see out
of my left eye, and my ribs ache with every breath I
take. But none of these things compare to the pain I
feel  inside  not  knowing  what  they  are  doing  to
Blair.  I  vow  over  and  over  in  my  mind  that  I  will
kill each of them and feel no remorse.

The sound of the door opening behind me has

me spinning up and out of my chair to face my
brother and Eddie.

“Damn brother, you look like shit.” Gabe

chuckles  as  he  shakes  his  head  and  attempts  to
move  past  me.  Only  he  doesn’t  get  far  before  my
fist  connects  with  his  jaw  and  he  stumbles  back.
I’m  on  him  before  he  has  the  chance  to  register
what is happening. I throw one punch after another;
the  shuffle  of  those  behind  me  as  they  attempt  to
intervene is nothing but a blur.

“I’ll kill you,” I spit. “If you fucking touched

her I will end you.”

Suddenly I’m heaved up and distance is placed

between us as Paul and Brody hold me back.

“Enough.” My father’s voice booms behind us.

“I’ve had enough of this bullshit.”

Gabe wipes at the blood on his lip as he stands

up from the floor. He loves a good fight and only
seems pleased that he’s gotten one from me. He
reaches around and pulls a piece of paper from his
back pocket. “Got four names and four addresses.”

He again moves toward our father and gives me

a smile and a wink. “Blair was more than happy to
help.”

“You fucking…” I hold back my words,

knowing they’ll only inflict more wrath from my
father.

“I think I even heard her purr a time or two.”

Eddie smirks as he shares a look with my brother.
“She ever purr for you, Cyrus?”

“The two of you need to remember one thing.

These  two  men  aren’t  gonna  be  holding  onto  me
forever.” It’s a warning for him to shut his fucking
mouth  and  he  registers  that  quickly.  I  may  be  the
tamer  one  of  the  Gunther  men,  but  I  can  also
handle shit when it is necessary. I have no problem
destroying them both.

“Will you chill the fuck out, Cyrus?” Gabe

tosses my father the paper. “We talked, she feared
me, but I told her how I wouldn’t upset my brother
by touching her the way I wanted to. And let me
just say I really wanted to touch her.”

My nostrils flare and I fight my anger.
“I’ll admit that I copped a feel or two, because

it was uncontrollable.”

I lunge once more.
“Seriously man, you’ve had that body of hers

laid  out  before  you  and  you’ve  felt  the  pull  she
creates.  That  woman  has  a  great  set  on  her.”  He
places  his  hands  out  before  him  as  if  he  was
squeezing  his  own  tits.  “Firm  and  definitely  more
than a handful.”

“I’m gonna kill you.” I mean it, but he doesn’t

buy it.

“You ain’t gonna do nothing once you’re freed

but go chasing after tail trying to explain shit she
ain’t gonna listen to. She knows who you are now,
Cyrus, I explained everything.”

He’s right. I hate to admit it, but my first

instinct is to find her. I need to know she is all right.

She’ll hate me and I know this, but I have to know
that she is safe.

WELL

into the morning hours before I’m

released  from  my  father’s  office.  He  ensures  my
brother  and  Eddie  are  long  gone  and  some  place  I
won’t  be  able  to  get  to  them.  The  bastard  actually
thinks  I  just  needed  to  cool  off,  that  somehow  I’ll
get past this.

I won’t. I never will.
I leave the warehouse and climb into my car,

trying again to contact Blair by phone. This time
instead of ringing four times, it goes straight to her
voicemail.

“I need to know you’re okay. You can hate me,

forget I exist, but please tell me you’re okay,” I
plead with her, leaving message after message.

I don’t deserve it, I know I don't, but I feel like

I’m  the  cause  of  it  happening.  I  shouldn’t  have  let
myself  get  distracted.  I  should  have  gone  in  and
pushed  for  answers  from  the  start.  I  would  have
been gentler, I would never have hurt her or made
her  fear  me,  but  I  let  my  heart  get  in  front  of  my
head.

I call the bar and find out she hadn’t shown up

for her shift, which I think I already knew. I guess I

was just hoping by some miracle I was wrong.

I drive across the city to her apartment and

though her car isn’t parked outside, I still go inside
her building. I beat on her door for over ten minutes
and call three more times, only to get the same
response. Nothing.

As I sit in my car outside of her building,

adrenaline courses through me at dangerous levels.
Thoughts of going back to the warehouse and
putting a bullet between the eyes of every one of
those bastards runs through my mind on overdrive.
I want the satisfaction of knowing they’ve all paid
for everything they’ve done, now and in the past.

My mind plays out every possible scenario,

every place she could have gone. Then I realize the
information I’m in desperate need of lies in the
hands of one person. One that I still hold power
over.

I tap out a text and wait, bouncing my leg

impatiently with every passing second.

: Where is she?

Sadie: She’s with Whitney and me, please just

leave her alone.

Me: I need to know she’s okay.
Sadie: She’s not. She’s scared and angry. She’s

a mess and I think letting her go is for the best.

Please, you all got what you wanted.

IDEA

that she thinks I want this infuriates me.

: This is the last fucking thing I want. Now tell

me where she is.

Sadie: I can’t. She deserves better.

’

RIGHT

, Blair does deserve better but I’m a

selfish man and I can’t let this go. I also know Sadie
doesn’t have solid ground to stand on because I
have the upper hand when it comes to her. I can
destroy her if I have too, but I don’t want to. I just
need her to give me what I ask.

: You tell me now, or you can explain to her all

the lies you’ve been feeding her for the last year
or more. Your choice.

UBBLES

pop up like she is typing, then stop. A few

seconds pass before they pop up again with an
address.

ADIE

: I’ve never seen her like this, please just do

the right thing and let her go.

SIT

in my car for the next thirty minutes, staring at

the last text she sent. I try to will myself to do as
she asks, but the more time that passes the harder it
is to just remain where I am.

The ride to Whitney’s is a blur; I can’t

remember any of the turns. It’s like I black out, my
mind  solely  focusing  on  Blair  and  me,  and  the  last
time I was with her in her apartment. I want to go
back  there,  go  back  to  her  looking  up  at  me  with
those gorgeous blue eyes. I want to see her smiling
as  I  kiss  the  tip  of  her  nose,  and  then  her  cheeks
and lips.

Before I know it, I am parked outside

Whitney’s  building  and  it  hits  me  hard,  knowing
that  I’ll  never  get  to  see  or  feel  those  things  with
her  again.  Our  time  is  over  before  it  even  had  the
chance to start.

My body hums with fear and a sadness I’ve

never experienced as I climb the stairs and push my
way through the front door. Whitney has a ground
floor apartment and when I reach her door, I pause
just outside it. Leaning in to press my ear against it,
I remain silent. I can hear a television playing, but

other than that, nothing.

I’m not sure how much time has passed before I

gather  enough  courage  to  knock  on  the  door.  But
the  second  the  door  opens  all  I  see  is  a  fireball  of
auburn  hair  rushing  toward  me.  One  swing  after
another, little fists connect with my already bruised
jaw and ribs.

“You bastard.” Whitney launches herself at me

and Sadie follows behind her. “If I had a gun I’d
kill you myself.”

Sadie does all she can to drag Whitney off me

but I do nothing to stop her. She needs this, hell, I
need this. I feel like I deserve every blow and kick I
get. I take them all, and I’ll continue to just to see
that Blair is okay.

“How could you let them hurt her like that?”

Her words struck something inside me and I grab
her wrists to tame her if even for a second.

“Hurt her?”
“Yes, you son of a bitch,” Her eyes are

reddened and swollen, evidence of hours of crying.
“They touched her and…” She pauses and backs
away from me, jerking her hands free. “Forget it,
you don’t deserve an explanation.”

“You’re right, I don’t deserve it, but I tried to

stop them.” I point to my face. “I was sent in to get
answers but in the process, I fell for her. I let my
guard down and look where it fucking got me. Look
where it got her. I didn’t want any of this to

happen.”

Before Whitney gets the chance to say anything

in response I hear Blair’s voice.

“You need to leave.” I look up to find her

standing in the doorway, with her arms crossed over
her  chest  tightly.  She’s  wearing  a  sweatshirt  that
swallows her small frame and a pair of sweats that
appear  to  be  three  sizes  too  big.  “They  may  have
threatened  me  about  not  calling  the  cops,  but  I’m
telling you if you don’t leave right now, I’m calling
them.”

Her cheek is bruised and visual confirmation

that they did hurt her. I feel like the evidence of
what I already suspected breaks me, like my chest
has literally been cracked open and exposed; it
hurts so much.

I step forward and not only do both girls step in

front of me to block my path, but Blair steps back.
“Please, let me look at you.”

“Just leave me alone.” Her lower lip trembles.

“You  all  got  what  you  wanted.  You  got  your
answers,  but  you  should  know  that  all  you  had  to
do  was  ask  me.  You  didn’t  have  to  send  your  sick
brother and friend to get the answers I would have
given you willingly.”

“I didn’t send them.” I fist my hands at my

sides,  fighting  the  urge  to  go  crazy  and  push
through  the  two  people  who  block  me.  “I  did
everything  short  of  being  shot  attempting  to  stop

them.”

She doesn’t seem convinced and the fact that

she looks toward the floor instead of at me is like
another kick to the chest.

“Nate owes my father a lot of money,” I finally

say,  though  I  know  I  shouldn’t  even  attempt  to
explain.  Nothing  I  say  is  going  to  change  how  she
views me and that is hard to accept. But I need her
to  know.  Even  if  she  no  longer  cares  about  me,  I
want to assure her that never did I want to see her
hurt.

“He was a dealer for my father, Zeke Gunther.”

Whitney  gasps  and  Blair  lifts  her  head  as  her  gaze
meets  mine.  “He  got  careless  and  started  snorting
his  stash.  He  threw  parties  and  supplied  everyone
who  attended  on  my  father's  dime.  After  he  split
and  took  the  remaining  amount  he  had,  my  father
went  crazy.  There  wasn’t  anything  or  anyone  that
was  gonna  stop  him  from  getting  what  he  was
owed.”

“What in the hell does any of this have to do

with me?” She practically screams the words as she
steps forward and fists her small hands at her sides.

“He needed someone to become a part of your

life and ensure you weren’t hiding Nate.” The more
I explain the more hate is shown for me in her eyes.
“Someone on the inside to get all the information
they could on Nate and what you knew.”

"I don’t know anything.”

“I know and that’s what I’ve been telling

them.” I believe her, I always believed her.

“So having sex with me, all the late night talks

and  sweet  gestures,  those  were  all  part  of  this
fucking  game  you  were  playing  in  an  attempt  to
find Nate.” The anger inside her has surfaced as she
takes  another  step  toward  me.  “I  was  just  a  quick
piece of ass to sweeten the deal.”

“No.” I shake my head frantically, feeling panic

rise.

She laughs sadistically. “Yeah, and I should just

believe you because you’ve been so honest with me
from the beginning, right?”

“Blair.” I reach out for her.
“No.” She once again moves further inside the

apartment.  “You  disgust  me,  all  of  you.  The  way
they  touched  me,  the  things  they  said  and  assured
me they would do to me.” Blair swallows hard and
shakes  her  head  as  if  she  is  attempting  to  clear  an
image  from  her  mind.  “You  can  go  back  and  tell
your father and whoever else you have to report to
that I don’t know where Nate is, and I don’t give a
shit. He’s their problem, not mine.”

“They didn’t…” I pause because I couldn’t

finish the sentence. I’m not sure I want to know the
full extent of what took place. The idea that my
brother or even Eddie may have raped her eats
away at me.

“Whitney was right,” Blair adds as she squares

her shoulders, “you don’t deserve to know.”

I wasn’t the crying type, I have never been. But

right now, the not knowing combined with the pain
in Blair’s eyes and her voice, I feel my eyes burn.
My vision blurs as I close them tightly, trying to
fight the battle I am losing fast.

“There’s nothing more to say,” Blair whispers

and I open my eyes to find that Sadie and Whitney
have now joined her.

“You need to leave now.” Blair starts to close

the door and I call out for her in one last desperate
attempt. Only it does nothing to phase her. The
door shuts and shortly after the sound of the lock
being twisted on the opposite side is the final blow
that throws me over the edge.

Chapter Thirteen

LAIR

’

BEEN

ALMOST

a week since I closed the door on

Jake.  Almost  a  week  that  I’ve  been  sleeping  on
Whitney’s  couch  and  almost  a  week  of  crying
myself  to  sleep  every  night.  I’ve  taken  so  many
showers I’ve lost count, scrubbing at my skin until
it is an angry shade of pink. Doing everything I can
to try and rid myself of the feelings that day left in
me.  Every  time  I  close  my  eyes  I  picture  Jake’s
brother: the broken tooth, the seedy eyes. I hear the
dirty words he spoke play on repeat in my mind and
sometimes they make me feel like I’m going crazy.

I just want them to stop; I want it all to stop.
It's like a bee buzzing around in my head,

taunting  me,  making  me  feel  as  though  at  any
moment  I’ll  feel  its  sting.  I’m  afraid  to  leave
because  I  am  always  fearful  of  seeing  them  again.
At  every  turn  I  imagine  them  being  there  to  face
me, being unable to escape them, and having them
go through with the threats they made.

I’ve noticed the way Whitney and Sadie look at

me, like at any second I’m going to spiral out of
control and become nothing more than some crazed
lunatic. I’ll admit it I feel it too; I’m barely hanging
on to my sanity, or so it feels.

“Are you hungry?” My body jerks in reaction to

the sound of Whitney’s voice. Instantly I notice the
sadness  settle  in  her  eyes.  This,  my  situation,  it’s
eating  away  at  her  too.  “I  think  you  need  to  go  to
the  cops.”  She  sits  down  at  my  side  as  slow  and
gentle as possible.

“Tell them what? That Zeke Gunther and his

sons  fucked  me  over  in  more  ways  than  one?”  It
feels  so  surreal.  “I  just  want  to  forget  about  it  all.
Forget  Jake  or  Cyrus  or  whoever  he  is.  I  want  to
forget  that  I  met  him,  that  I  believed  him,  and  let
him  touch  me.”  I  curl  just  a  little  tighter  into  the
blanket  that  surrounds  me.  “All  I  want  is  to  find  a
place  that  I  can  walk  outside  again  and  not  be
scared of who I’ll face.”

“What are you saying?”
I’ve thought it over, every hour, every minute.

It’s all I’ve thought about. I’ve gone over option

after option in my mind and they all lead me back
to one thing.

“I think I need to start over.” I look up at my

best friend once more and fight against the fear of
the unknown that has been haunting me daily. “I
just don’t think I’ll ever feel safe if I stay here.”

There are a few passing seconds of silence

before Whitney slides in closer to my side and hugs
me tight. “So where are we going?”

“Whit—”
“Don’t even consider the notion that I will let

you leave without me following right behind.” She
smiles at me, real and genuine for the first time in
days.

“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You never asked, which let me say right now

up  front  how  offensive  that  is.”  She  bumps  her
shoulder  playfully  against  mine.  “But  laying  those
feelings aside, you should know by now that I need
you  in  my  life  just  as  much  if  not  more  than  you
need  me.  So  there  really  isn’t  any  reason  for  us  to
sit  here  and  go  back  and  forth  over  it.  The  only
thing left for us to do is decide where we’re going.”

“That’s the thing,” I whisper as I look away

from her. “I don’t know where to go.”

“Home.”
I close my eyes as I feel the threatening tears.

When she says “home” she means hers. But in a
sense, I guess it is mine too. It’s the one place I

always  feel  like  I’m  accepted,  like  I  belong.
Whitney’s  parents  are  the  only  true  parents  I  ever
felt  I  had.  Being  raised  in  foster  care  wasn’t  a
joyous event. Some kids are lucky to be placed with
that  loving  couple  that  finds  nurturing  a  child  in
need  as  their  calling.  My  foster  parents  were  not
those  people;  they  were  the  kind  that  didn’t  ask
you  about  your  day  or  tell  you  that  you  looked
pretty  when  you  spent  hours  fixing  yourself  up.
They were distant and the only thing they enjoyed
about  sharing  their  home  with  me  was  the  check
they  received  around  the  first  of  every  month.  I
never knew what it felt like to be loved by a parent
until  the  Flannigans  opened  their  home  to  me.  It
was almost as if they had an adopted daughter they
didn’t  need  to  be  paid  to  love.  They  just  did  it
because they were good people.

It made me wonder why Whitney and I ever

decided to leave Iowa. But then at the time we’d
chosen to leave we were two young girls fresh out
of community college thinking that we understood
all there was to know about life. Now here we are,
a few years later, realizing that we knew nothing.

“I think home sounds perfect.”

“ A

you sure you want to do this?” Whitney asks

as she sits in the driver's seat behind the wheel of
her Ford Fusion. “Sadie and I can go in and pack
everything for you.”

“I’m good.” I glance over and give her a

reassuring smile, then take a look over my shoulder
at  Sadie  and  find  her  watching  me  closely.  I’ve
noticed lately she looks tired, maybe even stressed.
I  worry  about  her,  how  she’ll  fend  in  the  city
without Whitney and me around. Granted, she lived
here  long  before  us,  but  for  the  last  couple  years,
the three of us have always been together.

“But I know that I need you both with me too.”
Sadie places her hand on my shoulder and gives

it a gentle squeeze. “We wouldn’t be anywhere
else.”

After a few more minutes we all climb out of

Whitney’s  car  and  move  toward  the  front  door  of
my apartment building. This place holds nothing but
bad  memories,  first  with  Nate  then  with  Jake.
Every  time  I  think  of  his  name  I  catch  myself.  It
isn’t  even  his  name,  yet  calling  him  anything  else
feels wrong.

I really want to forget this place even exists, but

to do that I need to get all my things and move on.

When I place my key inside the lock and twist

the handle I’m met with the familiar scent of
cinnamon. After Nate left, I did all I could to rid the
place of the smell of his cigarettes, among other
things. Cinnamon candles, potpourri, you name it I

used it.

But as I move through the small space I’m hit

with  the  memories  of  my  last  nights  here.  Nights
that were spent with Jake, the smiles, and laughter
mixed  with  the  fact  that  we  couldn’t  keep  our
hands  to  ourselves.  The  knowledge  that  all  the
words he spoke were nothing more than lies makes
me feel sick to my stomach. The reality is that he is
a  Gunther;  that  alone  speaks  for  itself.  They  are
dangerous and know no limits.

I shiver involuntarily as I hear in my mind the

low whisper of his brother's words.

“We don’t have to do this today.” Whitney

steps  up  to  my  side,  obviously  aware  of  the
discomfort  I’m  feeling.  I  can’t  miss  the  concern  in
her  eyes.  “We’ve  still  got  time  to  clean  things  up
before we leave.”

We are waiting it out until her lease is up so she

can get her deposit back. Thankfully that is only
another few weeks. I’m not sure I can take much
more than that.

“I’m okay.” I’m not okay, not even close, but I

refuse to let the fear overtake me any more than it
already has. “Let’s just get this over.”

The three of us move around the apartment,

gathering the small number of things I have. I used
to hate that my place always felt so empty. But now
I am thankful; it means I have very little to worry
about moving.

Chapter Fourteen

AKE

RETENDING

to be okay with what my family has

done to Blair is one of the hardest things I’ve ever
had  to  do.  Each  time  I  see  my  brother  or  hear  his
voice  I  want  to  make  him  pay.  I  want  to  destroy
him  and  make  him  beg  for  forgiveness.  Then  just
when  he  thinks  he’s  been  granted  what  he’s
pleading for, I would end it all. All while my father
watches, then I’ll turn on him too.

The anger and need for revenge is eating me

alive. It’s making me no better than them, but it’s
all-consuming and I feel like there is no way out.

That need only grows stronger as I sit in my

vehicle a few cars down from the front entrance of

Blair’s apartment. Watching her and the girls carry
out one box after another of what I assume are her
belongings only makes the emptiness inside me feel
stronger.

I should feel shameful that I’ve been following

Whitney  around  for  days  now,  but  she  is  my  only
connection  to  Blair’s  whereabouts.  I’ve  held  out
hope  for  the  chance  to  talk  to  her,  only  she  never
left Whit’s place. Not until today, but she left with
escorts, and I know Whitney, for one, won’t allow
me to get within a foot of Blair.

I also want to hold up my end of the deal and

leave Sadie alone, but again I am selfish. When it
comes to Blair, I can’t.

: Is she moving in with Whitney? Or getting a

different place?

WAIT

, my thumb drumming against the steering

wheel with agitation and impatience. I wait for the
bubbles to appear, only they don’t.

: Have you told her yet about your alter ego?

’

DIRTY

DIG

, but in desperate times, you do

what you have to do.

I look up just as Whitney exits the front doors

of  the  apartment  building  carrying  a  small  box  in
her hands. She walks toward her car, pops the trunk
and  carefully  lowers  the  box  inside.  When  she
closes the trunk, she looks around and for a minute
she pauses staring in my direction. My body tenses
and  I  slouch  down  in  my  seat  further,  hoping  that
the tint on my windows hides me well enough. I’m
not driving my car, but one of my father’s. Having
my  pick  of  his  fleet  has  come  in  handy  because
driving my own vehicle would have announced my
presence.

When she turns back toward the apartment I

feel relief wash over me just as my phone vibrates,
indicating a message.

ADIE

: She’s moving.

AGUE

, and I find myself chuckling as I picture her.

She actually thought I’d be happy with that
response, but she really should know better by now.

: Good start, but I know that already. Where?

GAIN

MET

with a silence that only further

aggravates me. I am just about to send a follow-up
message when the bubbles appear, indicating Sadie
is responding. My patience is thin, not just with
this, but with everything. I’ve been riding on the
edge of igniting for days, humming with rage.

ADIE

: I can’t tell you that.

GRIP

P HONE

TIGHTER

, feeling my chest grow

tight and my breathing become ragged.

: Are you sure about that?

Sadie: Yes.

HAND

on the handle of the car door before I

can comprehend my movements. I step out onto the
sidewalk,  my  feet  moving  with  purpose.  Looking
down  at  my  phone,  still  held  firmly  in  my  hand  I
see  the  bubbles  reappear,  making  me  stop  in  the
middle of the walkway.

ADIE

: Threatening me isn’t gonna work

anymore.  You  don’t  have  to  tell  her  what  I’ve
done,  I’m  going  to  tell  her  myself.  She  deserves
better,  better  than  you  and  better  than  me.  She’s
already been hurt enough.

FEEL

my body sag in defeat as I read over the

words  she  sent.  She’s  right,  but  it  doesn’t  make
accepting  this  as  the  end  any  easier.  I  should  walk
away and let Blair leave. I should forget her and the
short  time  we  shared.  But  I  can’t.  I’ve  had  a  taste
of what the sweet life could be with a girl like Blair
and  I  want  it.  Fuck,  I  want  it  more  than  I  can
control.  It’s  like  desperation  and  no  matter  how
hard I fight it, I can’t rid the desire from my mind.

Now I have to do whatever it takes to get it

back. To get her back and to right the wrongs I’ve
committed.

Chapter Fifteen

LAIR

STAND

in the doorway of my apartment; the only

remnants of anyone ever living here are the bed
and the couch. They are both run down and full of
nothing but moments I want to forget. I don’t want
either of them. I’ll get new ones once I’m settled.

With one last deep breath, I turn around to face

my friends and say goodbye forever to this chapter
of my life. They both smile at me, but I can see
Sadie’s smile is forced and again that bothers me.
There’s been this sadness about her, this emptiness
that makes my heart hurt for her. She’s always been
the girl to make all the wrong choices, the first one
to jump without looking to see the place she’ll land

first. She is sporadic and spontaneous; on most
occasions that gets her into trouble in the end.

But this time is different. Whenever her eyes

meet mine, she looks away, almost like seeing me
hurts too much to bear.

“Are we ready?” Whitney asks as she wiggles

her car keys before her. “Ready to let go of this
black hole and start over?”

“More than ready.” I step toward her and

immediately  I’m  taken  into  a  hug.  Sadie  stands
back allowing us our moment, but I refuse to let her
isolate  herself.  Reaching  out  I  hook  her  shoulders
with  my  outstretched  arm  and  pull  her  in  as
Whitney securely holds us all in one big hug.

We share a silent moment before we part and

all  walk  together  toward  the  elevator.  Again  Sadie
looks at the ground or toward the wall each time I
attempt  to  make  eye  contact.  A  heavy  weighted
feeling  hangs  in  my  chest,  a  fear  I  can’t  quite
explain.

When we step outside and begin descending

toward the sidewalk, she slowly fades away until
there are more than a few feet between us.

Reaching the passenger side of the car I notice

her, paused at the bottom of the stairs, her eyes
searching the street from one side to the next. Her
hands are held out before her as she continues to
wring them nervously.

“Sadie.”

Her body actually jerks in surprise to the sound

of my voice. Her gaze lifts to see my own and that’s
when I see it. Her eyes are reddened and glossy, her
lower lip trembling uncontrollably. Whitney is the
first to move toward her, only Sadie holds out her
hands, shaking them frantically, her head whipping
from side to side.

Both Whitney and I begin searching the streets

too, looking for what may have frightened her
somehow.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Sadie cries out as she

hangs her head in defeat.

“Do what?” Whitney and I share a confused

look, and the longer we stand there the worse my
stomach tenses. Something is wrong; I’ve never
seen Sadie act this way. She looks lost, scared even.

“I’m sorry, Blair.” When she lifts her head up

and her gaze meets mine, I feel like my stomach
drops to the ground at my feet. “I just wanted to try
it once, I thought it’d be a wild experience. I never
expected to get the hook after just one try.”

Even though I suspect I know what she is

referring to, I refuse to believe it. Sadie isn’t that
stupid.

“I showed up at your place and you weren’t

home yet. Nate was sitting around with a couple
guys and when they offered I didn’t say no.”

“Sadie,” Whitney whispers her name but she

doesn’t take her eyes from me. I can already see it

in her eyes that there’s more.

“It all happened so fast.”
“What did?” My shoulders and back are tense.

I think I may have even been holding my breath.

“It’s almost like I closed my eyes for only a

second and when I opened them it was already
over.” I can visibly see her throat bob as she
swallows hard. “I should have stopped it then, but I
couldn’t. I needed more and he offered it to me.”

“But there was a price, wasn’t there?” The sour

feeling in my stomach makes my mouth water as I
try to fight off the nausea. “Something other than
money?”

She nods.
“So not only are you a junkie, but you’re a

whore  too.”  She  flinches  at  my  words,  and  maybe
they are harsh, but here I am looking into the eyes
of  one  of  my  best  friends  and  she  is  telling  me
something  I  never  thought  I  would  ever  hear  from
her. “You fucked my boyfriend to get a free high.”
Tears fall over her cheeks. “Then you pretended to
be  my  friend.  Every  time  you  were  with  us,  you
acted  as  though  you  weren’t  screwing  each  other
behind my back.”

“It was like I couldn’t control it.” She sobs as

she steps toward me. “I’m sorry Blair, but I can’t
keep up this charade. I can’t keep getting threats of
outing me, making me do things I don’t want to
do.”

“What?” I narrow my eyes at her as my voice

rises a few notches. “What do you mean threats?”

A few very long seconds of silence pass

between us, my irritation only growing stronger and
deeper.

“What aren’t you telling me?”
“The fact that we walked into Miller’s that

night, or that you ended up with a job there was not
a coincidence.” I feel like she kicked me hard in the
stomach and I was now looking at a complete
stranger. “When I got involved with Nate, I also got
involved with Gabe.”

“Gabe who?”
“Cyrus’ brother.” An uncontrollable sob

escapes me. “They threatened me, but I never once
thought they would hurt you, Blair. That wasn’t
part of the deal. Had I known—”

“How could you not have known that they’d

hurt  me?  They  are  awful  people,  Sadie—cruel,
cold,  and  vengeful  people.”  She  tries  to  stop  my
rant  but  I  lunge  at  her  only  to  be  caught  by
Whitney. “You threw me to the wolves, you stupid
bitch.” My words echo off the buildings around us.
“You were all part of this sick game to destroy me
and you want forgiveness?”

“Blair…” Whitney attempts to control my

outrage but at this point, nothing will stop it. This is
days of fear and terror, days of anger and
frustration all being poured at the feet of a person I

thought I could trust.

A person who violated me right alongside of

Gabe Gunther and his sidekick, even if she wasn’t
present. She played her hand in this sick game.

“Fuck you, Sadie.” She hangs her head and has

the nerve to appear hurt by my words. “I loved
you, I trusted you.” I took in a deep shuddering
breath.

“Blair.” This time it isn’t Whitney or even Sadie

that says my name. It is a deep baritone, one that at
one time I longed to hear as it whispered in my ear
in the darkness of my bedroom. But that time is
over. The only thing Jake reminds me of now is a
time I just want to forget.

I twist in Whitney’s arms and find him standing

only a few feet away. I relax in Whitney’s embrace,
but only long enough to gain the strength I need to
break free. It happens so fast, my body jerks, her
arms part, and Jake reaches out for me when he
sees me coming. Only there is no acceptance of his
offer, only my hand connecting with his cheek.

The contact stings the palm of my hand, his

head jolting to the side.

“I hate you,” I scream, my throat burning as the

words  rip  through  me.  “Both  of  you!”  I  take  in  a
ragged breath, finally relaxing back into Whitney’s
waiting  arms.  “I  hate  all  of  you.”  My  body  shakes
as  silent  sobs  rush  through  me.  I’m  unable  to  stop
them as the reality of my life and where it’s led me

hits me hard.

I allow Whitney to hug me tight as she leads me

toward  the  passenger  side  of  her  car.  Once  I  am
safely  tucked  inside,  she  closes  the  door  and  turns
to face Jake and Sadie as they still remain frozen in
the  places  I’d  left  them.  I  can  hear  her  muffled
words, but they aren’t clear enough to distinguish. I
just  know  that  whatever  it  is  she  is  saying  causes
Sadie  to  crumble  to  the  ground  beneath  her.  Her
legs just give out and she sits down on the last step
that  leads  up  to  the  place  I  once  referred  to  as
home.  The  truth  is,  though,  it  was  never  truly  a
home  and  now  it  was  more  tainted  then  before.
How can one place hold so much heartache?

I look away from Sadie because a part of me

suddenly feels as though she may have been
genuine in her plea for forgiveness. I’m not ready
to accept yet that what she’s done to me may have
possibly been out of her hands.

In doing so, my stare settles on a man who not

too  long  ago  seemed  so  strong  and  so  sure.  Jake
looks  smaller  now,  not  literally,  but  the  feeling  I’d
once  had  when  looking  at  him  was  no  longer
present.  Seeing  him  reminds  me  of  the  things  I’d
gone through that night outside the bar. I hate that
even  the  good  memories  I  had  of  him  are  now
destroyed by that one single action.

I have to look away because my heart is too

weak. For a split second, I let myself see the hurt in

Chapter Sixteen

AKE

SIT

across the table from two men that if I’d met

in  a  dark  alley,  I’ll  admit  I  may  have  feared  them.
They  are  both  built;  fuck  that,  they  are  stacked
more than anyone I’ve ever met before. I am not a
small  guy.  At  6’  2”,  my  stance  is  broad  and
intimidating.  But  these  two,  hell  they  even  scare
me.

“How do we know this is truly what you want?”

the  larger  of  the  two  asks  with  a  narrowed  stare.
“Why  should  we  believe  that  this  entire  plea  of
yours  isn’t  your  way  of  creating  a  distraction?
Maybe  you’re  all  in  this  game  together  attempting
to play us for fools.”

“The only thing I can give you is my word.”
The other man scoffs at my comment.
“I’ve lived in hell since the day I was born, and

I just want out. I may be a Gunther but I’m nothing
like  any  of  them.”  I  lean  forward,  resting  my
elbows  on  the  table  as  I  stare  between  the  two  of
them,  refusing  to  be  intimidated.  “What  I  can  tell
you for a fact is that either you bring them down, or
I  kill  every  motherfucker  in  there  myself.  One  by
one.”

The bigger man lounges back in his chair and

crosses his arms over his chest.

“You decide,” I add, still staring at each of

them.

“You’re okay with the fact that every member

of  your  family  will  be  brought  down?”  I  nod,
waiting for them to say what I need to hear. “You’ll
be  forced  to  go  undercover,  to  gather  all  we  need
on  them,  to  ensure  they  are  put  away  for  good.”  I
shrug this time because I’ll do whatever it takes.

“We have a long rap sheet on every one of your

sorry asses, but I’ll admit yours is thin and weak.” I
can see a trace of a smile tugging at the corner of
the prick’s mouth.

“I told you I’m not like them, and I want out.”
The door behind the two of them opens and two

other men step inside. They are in black suits,
serious looking fuckers with badges hanging from
their waistbands.

I stood outside Blair’s apartment building in the

same place she left me long after she was gone. The
sound of Sadie crying at my side didn’t even phase
me. All I could see was the sadness in Blair’s eyes,
the heartbreak that I was partially responsible for,
and it gutted me. I gathered Sadie in my arms, and
she gave me no resistance as I carried her to the car
I’d arrived in. She curled into herself, turning away
as I started the car and drove her to her apartment.
Once she was safely inside, I drove across town,
parked the car outside my place, and hailed a cab.

Now here I sit inside the police station with not

one but four detectives standing in front of me and
I’m  offering  them  the  chance  to  bring  down  the
biggest crime lord in their city. The things my father
is  responsible  for,  the  hatred  and  destruction  he’s
inflicted on many, have rocked this city. But I feel
no  remorse  for  laying  out  this  plan  before  them.  I
feel  nothing  for  my  father  or  my  brother.  Nothing
for the woman who stands behind a man like Zeke
Gunther. They are all dead to me.

“You only have one family, son,” the older man

who entered only moments ago says as he steps up
to the side of the table. I lift my gaze and meet his,
hoping he can see that I am completely void of any
type of emotion toward those I want to destroy.

“They aren’t my family. They took the family I

could have had and destroyed it.” I fist my hands
on the table as I picture Blair’s smile in my mind.

“Now I want them to pay for what they cost me.
Either you help me make that happen, or I’ll do it
alone. One way or another they will fall.”

“Okay, Cyrus, looks like we got some work to

do.” The two men across from me stand, and I
follow suit.

“There’s only one thing I need from you all.” I

see those I knew it looks on all their faces as they
wait for me to continue. “Don’t ever refer to me as
Cyrus, it’s Jake. No Cyrus, no Gunther, just Jake,
got it?”

Smiles slowly creep across each of their mouths

and I know when they get it. They understand my
need for revenge and justice.

I’m not the same as my family; I’m not cut out

for this type of life.

“ D

you take care of the problem?” My father

asks  Gabe  as  he  enters  the  warehouse,  wiping  his
hands on a cloth he’d pulled from his back pocket.
Red  smears  from  his  fingers  are  left  on  the  light-
colored  material  and  it  makes  my  stomach  ache
with  sympathy  for  whomever  the  blood  belonged
to.  Most  likely  a  desperate  soul  who  got  wrapped
up  in  the  ugly  part  of  my  father's  world  and
couldn’t find a way out.

“Problem has been rectified.” Gabe smiles in

that sadistic way of his and it takes all I have not to
jump up and pound his face until I ensured he’d
never smile again. But I can’t cross that line; I have
to remain calm. Collecting all the information I can
about the operations behind the Gunther name is
the only thing that will bring this all to an end.

It is the key to my freedom.
“Good.” My father’s response is followed by a

click as he lights his cigar.

There are always those trigger points in life,

times you are reminded of what you otherwise may
have  forgotten.  A  familiar  place,  the  taste  of
something you’ve had before; you just know it, yet
can’t remember exactly when or even where. Or in
my case the recognizable scent of a Cohiba Cuban
cigar.  But  the  scent  alone  never  brought  good
memories  of  my  childhood,  only  the  nightmares
that  were  inflicted  whenever  we  were  out  of  line.
My  father  had  no  problem  putting  them  out  on
Gabe  or  me  whenever  he  felt  we  needed  to  be
reminded  of  our  place  in  his  world.  I  had  many
scars across my back to prove this.

“Eddie is disposing of the evidence now.” I try

my  best  not  to  react  to  the  fact  that  my  brother  is
talking  so  casually  about  the  death  of  another
human.  At  his  hands,  no  less,  and  the  saddest  part
of  all  is  that  I  know  there  were  many  more  before
him.

“We located Nate.” I turn in the chair to look

back  at  my  father.  “He’s  been  shacked  up  with
some  strung  out  princess  in  Bolingbrook.  They’ve
been  using  up  the  product  he  so  eagerly  ran  off
with and living off the poor girl's grandparents.”

He says this like he actually has a conscience

and feels for the elderly couple.

“We’ve been scoping out the place, waiting for

the perfect time to move in.”

“What do you plan to do with him?” I ask as I

lean over and rest my elbows on my knees. “It’s
not like you’re gonna get the money or drugs out of
him.”

My father stares at me, lifting his cigar once

more  and  puffing  on  the  end  before  lowering  it.  I
never  thought  it  possible  for  any  person  to  hate
their  parent  as  much  as  I  hated  Zeke,  but  I  can
assure  you  it  is.  What  kind  of  person  imagines
killing  their  own  dad  a  hundred  different  ways?
Because  that  shit  rolls  around  in  my  mind  daily,
hourly  even,  each  method  becoming  more  violent
and vengeful than the last.

“I think this will be the perfect time for you to

see just how we handle those who cross us, Cyrus.”
I try to hide the cringe I feel when he says my first
name. It is a name chosen by him, and when this is
all  said  and  done,  I  will  never  be  referred  to  as
Cyrus  again.  “Since  you  have  somewhat  of  a
personal  connection  to  this  situation,  I’d  say  it’s

only right you handle the man that once bedded the
girl you seem so fond of.”

My hatred for my father was overpowering.
“How is our sweet Blair doing these days?”

Gabe rings in from my side and without even taking
the time to look at him I know he wears a smirk on
his  lips.  He  always  did,  that  cocky  arrogance  my
father  had  bestowed  on  him  after  years  of
convincing  him  he  was  invincible.  The  dumb  ass
isn’t  smart  enough  to  figure  out  Zeke  will  tell  him
anything  if  he  continues  to  be  his  bitch.  “I  swung
by  her  place  a  couple  of  days  ago,  but  she  didn’t
answer her door.”

I turn my head just slightly, enough to meet his

stare and instead of attacking him, which is what I
truly want to do, I gave him a matching stare. The
corner of my lip lifting, giving the impression that
his words don’t affect me in the slightest.

“Tomorrow evening, you and Gabe are gonna

take  a  little  drive,”  my  father  continues,  ignoring
the  way  my  brother  and  I  simply  stare  at  one
another  waiting  for  the  other  to  break  or  react.
“Eddie  and  Squeak  will  follow.  I  want  you  all  to
scope  out  the  area,  then  I  want  you  to  bring  that
sorry ass back to me. I don’t care who gets in your
way, do whatever it takes.”

Chapter Seventeen

LAIR

FTER

ADIE

SHARED

the secrets she’d been

guarding, Whitney and I decided to leave sooner. It
no  longer  mattered  to  her  that  she  would  be
violating  her  lease.  We  knew  that  staying  in
Chicago  would  only  continue  to  weigh  heavy  on
both  of  us.  Sadie  may  have  violated  the  friendship
between her and me, but in doing so she’d violated
Whitney too.

I know we both felt devastated.
We’ve been back in Iowa for a little over a

week and in that short time, I’ve been able to find
that strength inside of me that I once held. That
strength finally gave me the courage to push Jake

and even any lingering thoughts of Nate out of my
life for good. That same strength helped me push
through the weeks that followed until I found level
ground once again. That was until Jake shook the
surface beneath my feet and screwed it all up once
again.

I’d love to say that when I left Chicago I was

also  able  to  leave  everything  that  had  to  do  with
that man behind, but I can’t. I wish I could say that
the  miles  between  us  now  made  forgetting  him
easier,  but  I  can’t  say  that  either.  Jake  didn’t  just
crush my soul by violating my trust. He didn’t just
use me to get answers for his warped father. He left
a life-altering mark on my life, a mark that I would
now hold forever.

Every morning, I’m reminded of our short time

together. There is no longer the possibility of
forgetting he even existed. That fantasy, that wish,
is long gone.

Swoosh, swoosh. I close my eyes tightly when

the sound fills the room. Whitney stands at my side,
holding my hand tightly in hers as I lie back, both
my feet firmly planted in the stirrups before me.

“That’s your baby’s heartbeat.” I take in a

deep, shuddering breath when the technician
confirms what the three tests I’d taken just
yesterday had read. “You are only about five to six
weeks along, but the heartbeat is strong.”

I open my eyes and turn my head toward

Whitney,  a  tear  running  over  my  cheek  in  the
process  as  it  drips  to  the  surface  beneath  me.  She
forces  a  smile,  but  I  know  her  well  enough  to
understand what she’s thinking. It’s the same thing
I fear.

Fear of the Gunther family finding that I’m now

carrying one of their heirs. The terror that one day
my child would be trapped in a life of hell.

“With the information you’ve provided about

your last period, and the measurements I’ve taken,
I’d say that puts the conception date somewhere
between April seventeenth to April nineteenth.”

Again I close my eyes tightly, knowing she is

dead on. That was the time that Jake and I were
locked away in my apartment together. The days
right before it all went straight to hell.

“Congratulations, how exciting.” Is it? I think

as  I  look  toward  the  tech  just  as  she  holds  out  a
curling  strip  of  paper.  When  I  take  it  from  her  I
twist it around so I can look at the images, and my
heart  feels  as  though  it  seizes  in  my  chest.  I  feel
ashamed that only moments ago I’d actually wished
this  was  all  nothing  more  than  a  dream,  or  a
nightmare  even.  The  hazy  black  and  white  photo
softens  the  regret  I  feel.  My  baby,  though  at  this
point  it  barely  resembles  an  infant,  more  of  a  blob
really, is all I can see at that moment. Mine. I vow
right then and there to protect him or her from the
life of their father. No way will I ever allow them to

be a part of that dark world I left behind in
Chicago.

“Thanks,” I whisper as I stare at the image,

unable  to  peel  my  eyes  away  from  it.  My  heart
beats  rapidly  as  my  chest  grows  tight.  The  pain  I
feel from reality is overwhelming. But I can’t regret
this, I won’t allow it. I’ve known what it feels like
to  be  tossed  aside,  I’ve  lived  that  life.  One  where
my  parents  didn’t  care  for  me  the  way  a  parent
should.  I  won’t  repeat  history,  but  instead,  I  will
learn from it and vow never to let my child feel as
though they aren’t wanted.

“A new start,” I whisper to no one in particular,

but more of a statement to myself. When Whitney
squeezes my hand in hers and repeats the words in
her  own  whisper,  I  know  she  gets  it.  This  baby,
though  he  or  she  is  unplanned,  is  a  sign  of  a  new
beginning  for  me.  One  I’ll  treasure  and  love
unconditionally.  From  this  day  forward,  I  will  do
everything  I  can  to  give  my  child  a  life  full  of  so
much love they never once feel the absence of their
father.

“ D

you wanna talk about it yet?” Will, Whitney’s

oldest brother sits down on the couch beside me
and stares at me with his arms crossed over his

chest. “Because I know the story about not
knowing who the father is was nothing more than a
lie. That isn’t who you are, Blair.”

“How do you know?” I challenge him with an

arch of my brow and though he tries to remain
serious and in control, he falters. A grin tugs at the
corner of his mouth and he averts his stare for a
few seconds before looking back up at me. We both
grin wide and he bumps his shoulder with my own.

Will is like the big brother I never had. He is

even  more  protective  than  Whitney.  He’s  always
been the guy to scare off any boy who tried to date
us,  terrify  those  who  slid  under  his  radar,  and
ensured  they  understood  he  was  watching.  I  love
the  guy  and  know  that  no  matter  what,  he’d  serve
as a male role model for my child without me even
asking.  So  will  Warner,  who  is  the  middle  child  in
the  Flannigan  family.  Both  guys  are  happily
married, and Will has a child of his own. Will is an
investment  banker  and  Warner  is  on  the  police
force for Polk County.

They are both stand-up guys, great family men,

and I feel lucky that they consider me family.

“It was a mistake—the guy, not the child. I will

never  consider  my  baby  an  accident,  more  of  a
blessing  really.”  He  doesn’t  have  to  ask  questions
as to what my words mean; he knows the details of
my  life  too.  “Let’s  just  say  that  the  guy  doesn’t
come  from  the  greatest  family  and  the  idea  of  my

son or daughter being brought up in that
atmosphere is something I can’t allow.”

“Does he know about the baby?” I shake my

head. “Are you gonna tell him?”

I let his question roll around in my mind, and I

know that part of my decision may seem selfish to
some. But I can’t take a chance, I have to keep my
child and myself safe.

“I just want to live by the story I gave you. The

one where I went to bed one night and woke up the
next morning pregnant. You know, kind of like a
kiss from an angel or something, that’s what I’m
sticking to.”

He stares at me, scanning over my face for a

few seconds as if waiting for me to show any signs
of sadness. But I told myself I’m done with that
time. I’m home now, safe with those who love me. I
left behind the darkness and hate the moment we
saw the Welcome to Ankeny, Iowa sign. It’s over, it
has to be.

“Is this guy dangerous?” If he asked me that a

month ago I would have said only to my libido, but
now I’m not so sure. “Should any of us be
worried?”

“No, nothing like that.” The last thing I want is

for  Warner  to  go  snooping  around  into  the  life  of
the  Gunthers.  It  may  trigger  a  panic  alert  and  I
don’t  want  any  of  those  people  to  get  wind  of
where  it  is  I’ve  disappeared  to.  “His  family  is  just

controlling  and  judgmental,  and  I  found  that  he
wasn’t  the  sweet  guy  I  thought  he  was.  Turns  out
he’s  a  real  ladies’  man  and  I  wouldn’t  doubt  that
I’m not the only woman running around with a Jake
bun in the oven.”

He narrows his eyes.
“Really, I’m fine.” I feel my hands grow

clammy.  “I’m  where  I  should  be,  surrounded  by  a
great  support  system.  This  baby  is  gonna  have  so
much love and that to me is almost perfect.” I want
this  subject  to  be  forgotten,  but  I  have  a  feeling
they  will  all  be  watching  me  closely  for  months  to
come.

“When are you and Whitney supposed to get

the keys to your new place?” I am thankful he got
the hint and feel relieved that the subject of my
child’s father is now past.

“Saturday morning.” I feel happy once again

over  our  next  move—a  three-bedroom,  two  bath
townhouse,  move-in  ready.  It  helps  to  have  a
connection  with  a  kick-ass  Realtor

in the area.

Whitney’s  mom  has  worked  the  real  estate  field
since  she  was  nineteen  and  with  her  help,  we
landed  the  perfect  place  not  far  from  the
Flannigan’s  homestead,  with  the  best  price.  Things
are  looking  up  for  us,  and  I  know  that  her  family
won’t  allow  us  to  fall.  They  are  great  that  way,
loving,  and  supportive  no  matter  what  the
circumstances may be.

“Marcy’s parents are downsizing and she

managed to reserve a truckload of stuff for the two
of you before they donated it or sold it to someone
else.” My heart feels as though it grows in my
chest. This is what I’m talking about, that love and
support. “She snatched up a living room set,
kitchen table, and chairs. I know she said there was
some kitchen ware too, but I can’t vouch for what
exactly that means.”

Before I can stop myself, I wrap my arms

around his neck and pull him in for a hug.

“Your wife is amazing, but then again I’d

expect  nothing  less  because  you're  pretty  great
too.”  He  hugs  me  in  return,  giving  me  a  sense  of
security  I  am  in  desperate  need  of  but  will  never
ask for. “Don’t let that go to your head though.”

“I won’t,” he replies with a chuckle. “I already

know it to be true, so it’s not like you announcing it
is a surprise.”

I roll my eyes but still hold him close. I guess I

just  need  a  little  comfort.  I  am  scared,  terrified
even, of the future. I’m going to be a mom, the life
of  an  innocent  child  will  be  soon  placed  in  my
hands, and my biggest fear is that in some way I’ll
damage them. I have absolutely no idea how to be a
mother,  how  to  guide  someone  to  make  the  right
choices…because I’ve spent my life making all the
wrong ones.

Chapter Eighteen

AKE

HINGS

ARE

STRESSED

, tempers are flaring and I’m

hanging on the edge of sanity. The more time I
spend in the presence of my brother, my father, and
their men, the darker I feel my soul growing.

Nate has once again disappeared, like he fell off

the  face  of  the  earth.  No  one  around  me
understands  how  that  can  happen  without  some
type  of  a  trace,  but  I  know.  He’d  been  taken  from
the home he shared with the strung-out girl and her
grandparents  and  placed  in  protective  custody.
They all had no idea that the moment they became
a part of his life their safety had been compromised
too.

Acting surprised, pissed even that the house

was  empty  when  we  showed  up  to  retrieve  my
father’s prize was difficult at first. But I’ll admit it,
my  acting  skills  have  really  come  a  long  way.  I’m
getting  used  to  pretending  to  be  as  evil  as  them,
learning  to  play  dirty  and  not  care.  It’s  almost
natural now. I think it has a lot to do with the fact
that  my  chances  for  happiness  are  gone.  Blair  is
gone,  Whitney  is  gone,  and  Sadie  is  so  lost  that
she’s  wasting  away  to  nothing  and  refuses  to  give
me even the slightest hint as to where they may be.

I sleep at the warehouse, but only so I can

gather  as  much  dirt  against  all  of  them  as  I  can.
Being trapped so close to them comes with a price.
Whores,  drugs,  and  more  always  surround  me.
Screams in the night of both pleasure and pain are
the  things  that  fill  my  head.  I  can  sense  the  man  I
want to be slipping fast, the good inside me growing
black with each passing day.

I lie in the darkness, staring up at the ceiling

above,  picturing  Blair  in  my  mind.  She  is  the  only
piece  of  good  I  can  hold  onto.  Though  with  each
passing day it grows harder, her smile is my escape.
The  way  she  looked  up  at  me  through  those  long
lashes  of  hers,  trying  to  hide  the  flush  of
embarrassment  she’d  get  often,  her  sweetness  and
that  quiet  nature  she  held  haunt  me,  but  in  a  good
way. Somehow in my mind, I’ve convinced myself
that  maybe  one  day  I’ll  see  her  again  and  get

another chance. But in reality, I know I’ve lost her;
she’ll never look at me again and see the man I
want to be for her. I will only remind her of sorrow
and of that night when Gabe went to her.

The softness of a hand running over my thigh

causes my eyes to flutter shut. I know it isn’t Blair,
I’m  not  that  far  gone  yet,  but  pretending  seems  to
help.  I  remain  still,  allowing  the  girl  to  take  me  in
her  hand  and  slowly  glide  her  fist  up  and  down.  I
fight  to  get  hard,  forcing  myself  to  believe  this  is
my  beautiful  girl,  the  one  I  crave.  I  imagine  we’re
back  in  her  apartment;  though  I  know  her  touch
and this isn’t even close, I force myself to believe.

Reaching out I grab the back of the girl’s head

and guide her to my cock. A soft moan escapes her
just before she takes me in her mouth. I need to
keep her from talking; if she does, any hope of my
release will be gone.

It is a dick move, really, but it is also what the

girls are here for. They know it, and they thrive on
it. Each stroke of her tongue, followed by the
feeling of me hitting the back of her throat, pushes
me closer to the end. Keeping a firm grip on her
hair, ensuring she has no opportunity to say even a
word, I continue to thrust my hips upward.

Blair’s eyes are all I can see. Though I know if

it were her here with me, I wouldn’t be acting as I
am now.

My thighs tighten, my stomach tenses, and I

bury  my  cock  in  this  girl’s  mouth  as  the  need  to
come hits me hard. With my chin tilted upward, my
fist gripping her hair tight, “Blair…” falls from my
lips in a whisper. Even through the pleasure of my
release,  I  feel  the  ache  of  her  absence  hit  me  so
fucking  hard  it  leaves  me  feeling  sickened  by  my
choices.

The very second the reality of the situation hits

me I feel dirty and disgusted with myself. Releasing
my hold on the girl, I turn onto my side and run my
hand over my face. When she reaches out to touch
my hip and makes a pleased sound, I push her
away.

“Get out,” I bark, hoping she doesn’t push for

more. I need her gone; I need the last five minutes
to be erased from my mind. Hell, I need it all gone.

STAND

in line at the liquor store, playing the part I

am directed to play. With a bottle of whiskey in one
hand and a case of beer under the opposite arm, I
stare straight ahead, showing no reaction to the
man talking in a low tone behind me.

“Tonight’s the night,” Detective Farris says as

he holds alcohol in his own hands, also waiting in
the long line. We can’t take the risk of talking on
the phone or me going into the station. Instead, we

are nothing more than two men seeking out
tonight's refreshments, or so it seems.

“We need you to go in as usual, just a party as

normal. We’ve got the place wired, thanks to you,
and we’ll arrive when we feel it’s our best chance
to attack.”

I’ve been waiting for this for weeks. Six weeks

and three days to be exact.

“It ends tonight, Jake.”
I nod as I step forward and place my items on

the counter. I’ve grown fond of the men I’ve been
working  with  over  the  past  weeks;  they  are  pretty
badass, I can’t deny that. Even though they ride on
the  right  side  of  the  law,  they  aren’t  afraid  to  get
dirty if the situation calls for it. Tonight I know I’ll
see  them  in  true  action  and  the  adrenaline  that
courses  through  me  makes  my  hands  shake.  It’s
time  for  revenge,  time  to  bring  my  family  down,
and  I’m  about  to  get  a  front  row  seat  to  the
destruction.

I pass money to the clerk, retrieve my change,

and  gather  my  items,  all  while  showing  no  sign  of
the  conversation  that  has  just  taken  place.  I  don’t
even  look  back  over  my  shoulder  when  I  exit  the
liquor store. I can’t take that chance. I walk toward
the  SUV  waiting  at  the  curb  and  climb  inside,
looking  over  at  Gabe.  I  have  a  vision  of  my  fist
connecting with his face as blood splatters me, and
I smile at him. He, of course, takes it as some form

of  brotherly  love  and  holds  out  his  hand  in  some
type  of  fist  bump  invite.  I  make  sure  to  hit  it  with
my  own,  a  little  harder  than  necessary,  when  I
accept his gesture.

“Tonight we get fucked up and party,” he says

while  placing  the  vehicle  in  drive.  “Tomorrow  we
crack heads and work on finding the sorry fuck that
needs  to  bleed.”  I  turn  away  from  him  to  hide  my
sneer and stare at the front of the liquor store I just
exited. Just then the front door comes open and out
walks  Farris  with  his  shades  on.  He  offers  me  a
simple nod just as we pull away from the curb.

I’m ready. In fact, I’m more than ready.
Within a few hours, the warehouse is swarming

with men and women. I sit back, pretending to be a
part  of  the  party,  nodding  when  I’m  spoken  to,
laughing  even  though  I  don’t  find  any  humor  in
their  snide  remarks  or  recaps  of  the  horrid  stories
they all have to share.

My father sits on the opposite side of the room,

a  young  girl  at  his  side  and  a  brunette  on  his  lap.
My  mother  knows  of  his  extracurricular  activities
with  these  women,  but  she  has  always  turned  a
blind  eye.  They’re  both  sick  fucks  and  I  wouldn’t
put it past her that, in the past, she has taken part.
My  family  is  fucking  warped,  of  that  there  is  no
doubt.

It’s just before midnight when I hear a ruckus

taking place near the entryway of the warehouse.

Suddenly  the  doors  burst  open  and  in  rushes  a
swarm  of  agents,  all  carrying  guns.  Chaos  is  the
only  way  to  describe  the  scene  as  everyone
scatters, trying to search for the nearest escape. But
there  isn’t  any,  because  the  FBI  and  S.W.A.T.
teams are coming from every angle.

I look toward my father, noticing he hasn’t

moved. Instead, he still sits on the couch, looking
straight at me. Had I been a weaker man, I possibly
would’ve feared the hate in his eyes. He knows,
I’m sure of that now.

A shot rings out and I look to my left just in

time to see Gabe ducking down a hallway that leads
to  the  garage,  the  same  garage  that  holds  not  one
but  six  of  the  large  vehicles  my  father  keeps  on
hand.  The  idea  of  him  getting  away  is  something  I
can’t  allow.  After  all,  he  is  the  one  I  want  to  see
pay the most.

I search out the room and the minute I find

Farris, I can see he registers my intentions. I ignore
the  shake  of  his  head  as  he  attempts  to  silently
warn  me.  My  legs  are  moving  before  I  have  the
chance  to  think  twice  and  I  run  down  the  long
hallway after Gabe.

Reaching around to the back of my pants I pull

out the gun I safely tucked there hours ago. My
hands shake as I move it around to the front of me,
but not from fear. This was one of the very few
times I was thankful to be tied to the family I was

tied to. I learned long ago, even before realizing
what my family did, how to handle a firearm.

As I enter the garage my brother spins around

to face me, and instantly looks relieved to see its
only me.

“Come on.” He waves me on as he moves

around the side of the black Escalade. I use his
trust in me to my advantage and close the distance
between us, still firmly gripping my gun in my
hands.

Just as I step up behind him, I press the barrel

of the gun to the back of his head and he freezes. I
can  visibly  see  his  shoulders  rise  and  fall  as  he
takes one deep breath before slowly turning around
to  face  me.  I’m  careful  not  to  allow  him  the
advantage to gain control of the situation. With the
gun  now  pressed  to  the  center  of  his  forehead,  his
stare is locked with my own.

“Did you remove the safety, brother?” That

cocky smug look of his returns as he watches me
closely.

“Why don’t you make a move and find out?” I

dare him to test me. All I need is one shift and I’ll
claim self-defense. I want him to pay for what he’s
done and prison, in my eyes, isn’t a harsh enough
punishment for my brother.

He chuckles, but I can sense the nervousness in

the sound and I find that to be satisfying. I want his
fear, I crave it.

“I told you if you touched her I would kill you.”

My nostrils flare when he smiles wider and has the
nerve to lick his lips as if he is reliving the memory
of the night he attacked Blair.

“Yet here I am, still breathing.” He lifts his

hands up and holds them out to his sides as if to say
Bring it on. “You always have been weak, Cyrus.”

At the mention of my given name, I hold the

gun a little tighter against his head.

“I think you have that wrong, brother, you’re

the  weak  one.  Always  willing  to  do  everything  he
told you to whenever he demanded it. You’ve been
his  bitch  your  entire  life,  needing  the  approval  of
your  daddy.”  His  smile  falls  from  his  lips  and  is
suddenly replaced with a matching look of anger. “I
never  needed  his  encouragement.  I’ve  been  a  man
on  my  own  and  I  think  you  know  that.  You  just
couldn’t  stand  that  I  was  strong  enough  to  stand
without him. I didn’t need him holding me up.”

“Fuck you.” Spittle flies from Gabe’s mouth in

a moment of pure anger. “You don’t know
anything.”

“I know that you crossed a fucking line when

you  went  after  Blair,  a  line  that  can  never  be
mended.”  My  hands  shake,  and  I  want  nothing
more  than  to  pull  the  trigger.  I  want  to  see  his
lifeless  body  crumble  to  the  floor  and  lie  in  a  pool
of  his  own  blood.  Blood  I’m  responsible  for
shedding.

“Lower the gun, Jake.”
I don’t have to turn around to know it is

Detective Farris who’s entered the room. I watch as
Gabe looks past me.

“He’s already taken enough from you, they all

have. Don’t give any of them the power to take
anything more.”

“Pull the trigger, brother,” Gabe dares me.

“You’re a Gunther, it doesn’t matter how hard you
try to deny it. You’re dirty.” He pushes his head
harder against the barrel of the gun. “Pull the
fucking trigger, you coward.”

The urge to do just that hits me hard. But then

in that last few seconds of clarity, I see her eyes
staring up at me with nothing but hope. Hope that I
am the man I portrayed myself to be, hope that I
want her and need her as much as she does me.

I pause, but only for a second before I twist the

gun  and  crack  the  butt  of  it  against  my  brother’s
skull.  I  watch  with  satisfaction  as  Gabe  topples  to
the  floor,  a  trickle  of  blood  dripping  from  the
contact  point  and  rolling  along  his  temple.  It  may
not be the destruction I want to inflict on him, but it
will have to be enough.

I refused to be the man he tried to convince me

I was.

Chapter One

LAIR

COVER

EYES

, and wiggle around as I sit in the

center of my living room floor. If there was anyone
actually watching it might appear I’d lost my mind,
but I don’t care. I love these times when it’s just me
and Isabelle, enjoying one another. It’s the best.

My sweet little girl was born five months and

two days ago. That by far was the greatest night of
my life. Though it took many hours, and a whole lot
of excruciating pain, to get her here, I can honestly
say  it  was  worth  every  single  second.  She  was,  is,
and  always  will  be  my  greatest  accomplishment.
Her  sweet  little  face  brings  me  both  joy  and
sadness,  because  even  though  I  try  to  ignore  her

resemblance to her father, it is impossible. From the
very second they placed her against my chest and I
looked  at  her  puffy  little  cheeks  and  lips  I  knew
there  was  no  denying  who  had  helped  create  her.
She  was  a  replica  of  her  daddy  and  with  each  day
that passes, she grows to look like him even more.

Whitney sees it, I know. I could read it on her

face  as  she  stood  by  my  side  in  the  hospital  room.
She  reached  out,  placed  her  hand  on  my  shoulder,
and  together  we  cried,  a  mixture  of  love  and
anguish.

I know deep down, even though I hate him for

the lies he told, there will always be a special place
in  my  heart  for  Jake.  Because  he  gave  me  my
daughter  and  that  is  a  gift  I  can  never  forget.
Isabelle  is  my  world.  She’s  the  reason  I  get  up
every  single  morning  and  push  myself  to  be  even
better  than  I  was  the  day  before.  She  gives  me
motivation, she gives me purpose, she’s my angel.

“Boo,” I say, just as I pull my hands away from

my  eyes  and  lean  in  toward  her.  Immediately  she
starts  to  kick  her  chubby  little  legs  and  throw  her
hands  out  before  her.  A  loud  happy  squeal  falls
from her lips that makes me laugh too.

“She could break glass with that squeal.”

Whitney  rounds  the  couch  and  flops  down  on  the
cushion, doing her best not to spill her coffee in the
process.  She  smiles  almost  proudly  as  she  stares
down  at  Isabelle,  and  I  can  see  the  love  she  holds

for  my  daughter.  My  little  girl  isn’t  just  my  new
start,  she’s  Whitney’s  too.  We  are  a  trio,  a  team.
She shares the duties of taking care of my baby, she
babysits happily when I can’t be here, and when we
are  both  called  to  work,  Isabelle  is  with  Aunt
Marcy  or  Granny  B,  Whitney’s  mother.  Iz  is
surrounded by a full, loving family and I take peace
in knowing that she has each and every one of them
on her side.

There is a part of me, hidden deep down that I

don’t  talk  about,  that  wishes  more  than  anything
things  could’ve  been  different.  Wishes  that  Jake
was the man he pretended to be. I believe that guy
could’ve been a great father to our daughter. In the
short  time  we  were  together,  he  managed  to  make
me  feel  that  we  could’ve  been  so  happy.  Then  in
the blink of an eye that image was destroyed.

“What time do you work today?” Whitney asks

around a yawn just before lifting her coffee cup to
her lips. She stayed out late last night with her guy
and stumbled in just after five this morning. Serves
her right for pulling an all-nighter when she knew
she had a long day today.

“I go in at two.” I try to hide my smile as I lean

in to kiss Isabelle’s cheek, making her laugh all
over again. “You have a double today, right?”

“Yes,” she groans out and Isabelle twists her

little body, tilting her head up in search of her
favorite auntie. “If I didn’t blow half my paycheck

just last night I would so call in sick today.”

“Did you really need a new outfit with

matching  shoes  and  purse  to  go  on  a  date  with  a
guy  who  couldn’t  care  less  about  what  you’re
wearing?”  She  probably  only  wore  it  for  an  hour,
two at most before it was nothing more than a pile
on his bedroom floor.

“I looked good, don’t even try to deny it.” I

wouldn’t. “Speaking of dates, when are you seeing
Shawn again?”

“I never said I was.” I choose to ignore the

glare I know she is giving me and focus on Iz
instead.

“It is okay for you to date and meet a good guy,

you know?”

I nod, but keep my focus on my daughter’s little

legs as I grab her feet and wiggle them. A wide
smile covers her lips and spit bubbles form as drool
pools at the corners of her mouth.

“It doesn’t mean she’s not your first priority.”
“I know,” I say, feeling my anxiety spike. A

man is the last thing I want or need right now. I’m
perfectly happy working at the restaurant during
the day and spending every night with my little girl.
She is the best company. Okay, fine, I am lonely,
but not enough to put myself out there again and be
forced to trust a man.

I don’t know if I will ever be ready for that.
Those days, that night, they all haunt me still. I

wake  up  sometimes  feeling  as  though  I’m  trapped
and  can’t  escape,  my  breaths  ragged  as  I  look
around  my  room  to  find  I’m  safe.  Those  are  the
secrets I carry, the times I hide from others because
I don’t want anyone to know that I’m still unable to
get  over  that  time  in  my  life.  Letting  a  man  in,
letting my guard down, just doesn’t seem worth it.

“One day,” I say as I pick Isabelle up then

stand.  “But  for  now,  all  I  need  to  be  happy  is  this
little  butterball.”  I  blow  raspberries  on  her  cheek,
which  triggers  her  squealing  once  again.  “She’s  all
the happy I need.”

Truth is, being with a man makes me feel as if

I’m somehow taking time away from Isabelle. Time
that  I  can  have  loving  her  and  cuddling  her,
because  in  my  opinion  my  little  angel  has  already
lost enough and she doesn’t even know it. Problem
is  I  do,  and  I  feel  as  if  I’ve  failed  her  with  my
inability to choose the right daddy for her.

“ H

EVERYTHING

?” Mr. Henderson looks up

from where he is focusing in front of him and offers
me a nod. “Can I get you both a refill?”

“Thank you,” his wife offers me a gentle smile,

“we would appreciate that. Thank you.”

I love my older customers. They are so much

better than the younger college crowd. So
appreciative and kind, grateful for every small
gesture.

I pick up their cups and walk toward the station

that is set up just to the left of the bar. Quickly I fill
their glasses and move back toward my area just as
Shawn and a couple of his friends sit in the table
just beyond the Hendersons.

My heart instantly races but not from

excitement. Shawn wants that second date. He was
very persistent when he walked me to my door
after he took me to dinner only a couple of weeks
ago. He also lingered a little too long giving me that
how about a kiss kind of look. Let me just clear
things up right now—there was no kiss.

This is the first time I’ve seen him since that

night. I’ve managed to avoid him and his phone
calls. Now there is no way out and when he looks
up, his eyes meet my own across the small space. A
smile covers his lips, making me feel like an asshole
for being so dismissive.

Shawn is a sweet guy, but he doesn’t do a thing

for me. I like the bad boys, which I know is exactly
where  I’ve  gone  wrong  in  the  past.  But  there  is
something  so  alluring  about  a  confident  guy  with
attitude  and  tattoos  to  match.  It  seems  to  always
come  back  to  bite  me  in  the  ass,  but  it  is  and  has
always been an unavoidable pull.

I take in a deep breath and slowly release it as I

start to walk across the dining room in his direction.
He  watches  me  like  an  eager  little  boy  and  I  fight
against  the  urge  to  roll  my  eyes.  If  anything,  the
man  needs  to  be  told  that  wriggling  around  in  his
seat like a two-year-old does nothing for a woman,
or for this woman at least.

“Hello, Blair.” He practically shouts the

greeting  before  I  even  reach  his  table  and  I  cringe
from  the  way  it  echoes.  A  few  other  guests  turn
their  heads  in  our  direction  and  instantly  my  face
feels heated. “How have you been?”

“Good,” I offer with a forced smile. “How

about you?”

“Still waiting for that second date.”
Cue the nervous energy. My hands start to

tremble  as  I  do  my  best  to  hide  them.  I’ve  never
really  been  good  about  getting  myself  out  of
difficult  situations.  I  freeze  and  in  the  end,  I  wind
up  agreeing  to  shit  I’d  normally  avoid  just  to
eliminate the uncomfortable atmosphere.

“I’ve been busy with work and Isabelle.”
“How about we make it an outing we can bring

her on too?” The walls immediately go up. “I told
you before, I like kids.”

In the distance I hear the bell chime indicating

an  order  is  up  and  I  use  it  as  my  out.  “I  gotta  get
that.”  I  don’t  wait  for  him  to  reply  before  I  scurry
off  toward  the  kitchen,  thankful  for  the
interruption.

Chapter Two

AKE

KNOCK

LIGHTLY

BEFORE

CAREFULLY

P USHING

open

the  door  with  caution.  “Hello,”  I  purposely  keep
my  stare  focused  on  the  wall  opposite  the  door  in
case  she  is  indecent.  “Tell  me  you’re  dressed  this
time.”

“If pajamas classify as dressed, then yes.” Sadie

sits on the chair just to the left of her bed and offers
me a half-hearted smile when my gaze finally
connects with hers.

“Hey, pajamas are a step up from yesterday’s

attire.”

I notice the reddening of her cheeks as she

looks away from me quickly. Never again will I

enter  without  announcing  my  presence  first.  I’ve
grown  to  care  for  Sadie  over  the  last  year,  but
nothing has ever or will ever go beyond friendship.
I  don’t  need  to  see  her  in  anything  less  than  fully
clothed,  especially  not  in  her  underwear  and  that
alone.  It  was  like  seeing  my  kid  sister  half  nude,
and  correct  me  if  I’m  wrong,  but  that  shit  feels
wrong in the worst sense of the word.

I feel like I owe Sadie. After all, it was my

doing that finalized the ending of her relationship
with Blair. Just thinking her name alone deepens
the ache I have felt every day since she drove away
without looking back.

Both Sadie and I hit rock bottom after that.

Once  my  family  was  placed  behind  bars,  without
the  chance  of  ever  seeing  life  outside  a  maximum
security prison, I fell apart. I’ll admit I did things I
wish  I  could  take  back.  The  guilt  ate  away  at  me,
knowing  that  I  was  responsible  for  what  happened
to Blair. I should have somehow warned her, or hid
her  away  safe,  and  I  failed  her.  Part  of  me
sometimes  feels  guilt  from  the  joy  I  have  knowing
my family is now locked away.

Then I remember the things they’ve cost me

and that guilt fades.

All of that, though, didn’t stop me from falling

into  darkness.  I  know  without  a  doubt  had  it  not
been  for  Detective  Farris  I  most  likely  would’ve
someday  joined  my  brother  and  father.  He  didn’t

give up on me; he didn’t let me become the person
I swore I never would. His persistence and loyalty
really led me to the place I am now.

Sadie deserves more too, and I’m going to make

sure she realizes that.

“How you feeling today?” I sit down on the

edge of her bed.

“Better than yesterday.” The sadness in her

eyes is always the same. “But that’s the goal, right?
One step at a time.”

Sadie is one week away from completing a six-

month  program.  It’s  designed  to  not  only  help  her
with  her  addiction,  but  also  to  find  the  root  of  her
struggles  and  teach  her  how  to  face  them  without
the help of drugs, alcohol, and even sex.

“Never backward, always forward.” I recite the

same statement I’ve heard her say many times
before.

“Focus on the good and forgive myself for the

bad.”

“That’s right.”
She lifts her gaze to meet mine once more and

again smiles. Only this time it seems less forced
than before.

“So have you thought of where you’ll go from

here?”

I see a flash of discomfort in her eyes as she

worries her lip. With a nod, she fists her hands in
her lap. “It haunts me every day.”

She too is struggling with her place, wondering

what will happen next. I hope what I’m about to
offer can one day give us both the peace we wish
for.

“I was thinking…” I wait for her to look in my

direction  once  again.  Her  long  lashes  bat  as  she
blinks  a  time  or  two  when  her  emerald  eyes  focus
on  mine.  “Getting  out  of  the  city,  starting  over
someplace  new  might  be  the  best  option  for  the
both of us.”

“Both?”
“Yeah.” I lean forward and rest my elbows on

my knees, getting a better look at her. “Iowa,
maybe?”

Her eyes widen for a split second, surprised I’m

sure.  I’ve  tried  more  times  than  I  can  count  to  get
her to tell me where Blair had gone, but never once
did  she  ever  violate  that  loyalty  she  felt  she  owed
Blair.  She  refused  to  hurt  her  any  more  than  she
already had, and it only made me realize how much
she regretted the choices she made, the mistakes of
her past.

“You forget I now have my own ways of

finding things out.” It is my turn to smile. “So what
do ya say? Ever been to Iowa?”

“I can’t go there, Jake.” Her lower lip trembles

almost  immediately  and  it  tugs  at  the  space  I  now
have  for  her  in  my  heart.  “They  are  better  off
without  me  rocking  the  safety  they’ve  found.  You

too.” Sadie’s eyes fill with tears. “You showing up
there is only gonna bring back a time I know they
just want to forget.”

She may be right, but I’ve thought about finding

her for weeks, months even. “What my family did
to her is something that’ll also haunt me. She hates
me for the lies I told and the part I played in it all, I
know this.” I pause, thinking over my thoughts, the
same  thoughts  I’ve  analyzed  almost  daily.  “There
hasn’t  been  a  day  that  I  haven’t  thought  of  her,
Sadie. Every time I close my eyes I swear I see her
smile,  hear  her  laughter  in  the  streets.  I’ve  looked
around  more  than  once  positive  that  I’ll  see  her,
and  left  disappointed  when  I  don’t.  I’ve  tried  to
forget  her,  but  here  I  am  a  year  later,  still  feeling
the  same  way  I  did  that  first  time  I  saw  her.
Hooked,  captivated,  and  engrossed  by  her.  I  don’t
think I’ll ever be able to move on if I don’t at least
give it a try.”

“What if she’s not there anymore?”
“She is.” I’ve verified Blair’s location, more

than once.

“And if she refuses to see you,” she takes in a

shuddering breath, “tells you to stay away from
her?”

“That’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

I’

CITY

BOY

, always have been. I’ve never been

outside of Chicago unless you count the occasional
trip I’d gone on as a child. Ankeny, Iowa was like a
whole  different  world  to  me.  Gone  were  the  tall
skyscrapers  and  in  their  place  were  small  store
fronts  and  diners.  Kids  played  in  yards  and  parks
like the fear of being harmed was nonexistent. It is
peaceful really, surreal even.

I glance over to the passenger side of my Dodge

Challenger to find Sadie with the same mesmerized
look  on  her  face.  Her  own  head  is  whipping  from
side  to  side,  scanning  over  the  areas  as  we  slowly
ease by. She’s been so isolated with her treatments
that  I’m  sure  this  seems  like  a  dream,  more  than
reality.

“What do you think about grabbing something

for dinner before we check into the hotel?” She
only nods, still looking thoroughly mesmerized by
her surroundings.

I ease through the intersection, in search of the

first diner or restaurant I can find, my stomach
choosing that moment to growl hungrily. This of
course gains laughter from Sadie.

“How about there?” she asks, pointing to our

left.

Spencer’s—a lit up blue sign with red accents

almost  beckons  us.  At  this  point  a  gas  station
burrito  would  be  good  enough  for  me.  I  didn’t
realize  how  hungry  I  truly  was  since  during  the

entire  trip  I’d  been  so  bound  in  knots  from  the
inside  out  that  focusing  on  anything  else  seemed
impossible.  But  now  that  we’re  here,  the  idea  that
I’m  in  the  same  place  as  Blair  once  again  both
excites me and terrifies me.

“Looks good to me.” I turn into the parking lot

and find the first available spot I can. The smell of
grilled food fills the air around us. Sadie is the first
out of the car as she rounds the side and passes the
front waving her hand out before her. She seems
more relaxed now that the city is behind us, and I
assume it’s due to all the temptation she feels is left
behind too. No longer does she have to go back to
the life that led her to drugs, among other things.

“Let’s move it, granny.” She tilts her head to

the  side  and  places  her  hands  on  her  hips,
portraying  impatience.    I  love  seeing  how  carefree
she  is.  We  both  struggled  over  the  last  year  and  in
the  end  found  a  connection  to  one  another.  She
quickly  became  my  best  friend,  right  alongside
Farris.

I step up to her side, bump her shoulder with

my own and she laughs loudly, the sound of it
easing a small amount of my anxiety.

That is until we start to walk toward the

restaurant. I stumble and bump into Sadie’s back as
she pauses. I don’t have to look twice to know
what I’m seeing. I think I felt her before I watched
her exit the restaurant.

Blair.
Her hair seems longer now, even though it’s

pulled  back  in  a  high  ponytail.  A  pair  of  black
slacks  hug  her  hips  securely,  a  tight  blue  T-shirt
shows off her trim waist. It’s almost as if the impact
of  seeing  her  hits  me  so  damn  hard  the  wind  is
instantly knocked from my lungs.

But the worst part about it is the tall man at her

side.  The  one  with  his  arm  over  her  shoulders  as
they  walk  side  by  side,  together.  Both  of  them  are
wearing bright smiles and the sound of her laughter
echoes  across  the  parking  lot,  feeling  like  another
kick to my stomach.

She looks happy.
“You still think coming here was a good idea?”

Sadie  whispers  the  question  over  her  shoulder  as
she  watches  me  close.  Only  I  don’t  respond,
because  I  can’t.  Instead  I  remain  exactly  where  I
am  as  I  watch  Blair  walk  off  with  some  guy.  The
entire scene feels as though it’s a movie playing in
slow motion.

Chapter Three

LAIR

“ A

THIS

TIME

that Marcy is spending with

Isabelle is giving her baby fever.” Will widens his
eyes, his brows lifting high into his hairline. “She
keeps dropping hints here and there.”

“Oh yeah?” I step away from him as I hit the

unlock button on my key fob. “And what do you
say?”

“You know me, I just ignore it, or change the

subject.”  Turning  around  to  face  him  I  reach  out
and  push  against  his  chest.  “What?  Matthew  is  a
handful.  I  think  he’s  put  the  fear  of  having  any
more in me.”

“He is not that bad.” I attempt to keep a

straight face, but Will knows me too well. Again
that freakish arch of his brow takes over as if to say
I ain’t buying your lies. “He’s just a silly boy, and
anyway, he gets his crazy from you.”

“You need to spend a day with Marcy and you

might not assume he gets it all from me.”

“Please, your wife is so quiet and peaceful.” He

lets his head tilt forward as he looks down at the
ground.

“She has you all fooled,” he mumbles and again

I  can’t  help  but  laugh.  Being  here  surrounded  by
the  Flannigans  has  proven  to  be  the  best  choice
I’ve  ever  made.  Not  only  for  myself,  but  for
Isabelle too.

I notice movement over Will’s left shoulder and

look  up  just  in  time  to  see  a  guy  and  a  girl  walk
toward the parking lot. There is something familiar
about the girl as she races behind the guy. They are
hidden  in  the  darkness,  as  well  as  by  the  mass  of
vehicles  parked  out  here,  but  for  some  reason  I
can’t look away.

“What are you looking at?” Will doesn’t wait

for  me  to  answer  as  he  turns  around  and  also
watches  the  couple  climb  inside  a  dark  car  with
tinted windows. The loud rumble of an engine fills
the silence just before the car backs out of its space
and  drives  in  the  opposite  direction,  the  wheels
squealing  just  a  small  fraction  upon  take-off.  “Do
you know them?”

I shake my head, finally turning my attention

back to Will. “I don’t think so, but something about
the girl seems familiar.” I can’t shake the feeling
that I’ve seen her somewhere before. Just the way
she jogged after the guy, it was almost as though I’d
seen that very thing take place once before. A
feeling of déjà vu settles heavy in my stomach.

“Well, I guess I better get going.” I step up and

offer  Will  another  hug.  He  has  no  idea  what  him
showing up at the end of my shift has done for me.
He  made  it  possible  for  me  to  escape  without
dealing  with  Shawn  and  the  awkwardness  of
denying  him  yet  again  for  a  second  date.
“Whitney’s  going  over  to  stay  at  her  man’s  place
again and I know she’s waiting on me.”

“She’s getting serious about him, it seems.” Will

gives me a gentle squeeze, holding his to-go bag at
my side with the opposite hand. “Not sure I like the
idea of you and Iz being home alone all the time.”
The big brother role kicks in heavily as he watches
me when I step back toward my car.

“We’re good,” I assure him though he doesn’t

seem convinced.

After he ensures I’m tucked safely in my car, he

walks  toward  his  own  and  I  start  my  five-minute
drive  toward  home.  It’s  been  a  long  night  and  it’s
always  the  same.  About  halfway  through,  I’d  find
myself missing Isabelle like crazy.

The same excitement I feel every time I arrive

home hits me when I place my car in park and grab
my  bag  off  the  passenger  seat.  I  hurry  toward  the
front  door,  and  just  as  I’m  about  to  climb  the  two
steps  onto  our  front  porch  I  hesitate.  The  same
rumble I heard only a short time ago can be heard
again.  Looking  back  over  my  shoulder,  I  find  the
same dark car from the restaurant sitting in front of
my neighbor’s house, idling along the curb.

What are the chances? Something about it gives

me the chills.

The window tint makes it hard to see inside, but

it doesn’t stop me from staring.

“You coming inside or…”
I jump in surprise at the sound of Whitney’s

voice  and  spin  around,  holding  my  hand  to  the
center  of  my  chest.  She  pauses  mid-sentence,  her
hand  on  her  hip  with  her  eyebrow  cocked  in
question.

“You scared the hell out of me.” I push past her

and  she  laughs  as  she  stumbles  back  into  our
apartment.  I  decide  not  to  say  anything  about  the
car for fear of her thinking I’d lost my damn mind.
Instead  I  focus  on  my  little  angel  who  lies  in  the
center of the floor, kicking her legs enthusiastically.

The moment she sees me she squeals loudly and

her arms match the movements of her chubby legs.

“I tried to put her down but she refused to give

in.” Whitney sits on the couch and props up her
feet. “After about fifteen minutes I caved and

we’ve been watching TV since.”

I reach down and pick Isabelle up from the

floor.

“Are you giving Aunt Whit trouble?” Her little

hand immediately goes for her mouth and slobber
runs along her chin.

“You going to Trevor’s?” I ask Whitney.
“In a bit,” she says with a shrug. “His brother’s

over  there  and  last  time  I  talked  to  him  they  were
watching  some  game  or  something.  If  I  go  over
there  now,  I’ll  be  forced  to  engage,  and  you  know
me, sports are not my thing.”

“In that case, do you care if I grab a quick

shower before you take off?”

Instead of a vocal response, she holds out her

hands and wiggles her fingers in a give me motion. I
pass Isabelle to her and walk toward my room with
a smile as I look back over my shoulder. There they
sit, Iz securely tucked into the crook of Whitney’s
arm as they both stare ahead. It reminds me yet
again how lucky I am to have them both.

Gathering my clothes I rush toward the

bathroom, pausing near the window to peek
outside. I am relieved to find the black car is no
longer sitting along the curb. I don’t know why, but
something about it leaves an empty ache inside my
stomach.

ITH

P URSE

and the diaper bag over my

shoulder and Isabelle held firmly in my other arm, I
walk  toward  the  front  door.  She  is  blowing  spit
bubbles as she wiggles against me, one hand fisting
in  my  hair  that  hangs  loosely  over  my  shoulder.  It
reminds me of why I’m so quick to pull it back all
the  time.  It’s  the  first  thing  she  grabs  whenever
given the chance.

Stepping outside, I pull the door shut behind me

and give the handle a twist to ensure I locked it.
That very second Isabelle decides to throw out one
of her famous glass-breaking squeals and my heart
feels as though it jumps out of my chest. I have a
feeling once she is able to finally talk I wouldn’t be
able to quiet her again, she is always so vocal.

“One of these days, little lady, you are gonna

give your mommy a heart attack.”

Mine still beats fast as I walk toward my car

and  tuck  her  into  her  car  seat.  I  ensure  she  has  a
rattle  in  one  hand  and  her  pacifier  in  her  mouth
before  I  close  the  door  and  climb  inside  myself.
Checking  the  mirror  I  verify  that  I  can  see  her
through the reflection of the second mirror fastened
to the car seat before her. Iz is so fascinated by her
plush toy as she shakes it around that I pause for a
few seconds just to watch her before I start backing
out of the driveway.

When she starts to fuss, as she always does

while being trapped in her car seat, I turn on the

nursery  rhymes  and  begin  singing  along  with  them
to  distract  her.  Had  anyone  told  me  last  year  that
I’d  be  doing  this  very  thing  now  I  would  have
thought  they  were  crazy.  I  didn’t  think  I  wanted
children.  Not  after  the  life  I’d  had  growing  up;  it
was  too  scary  to  even  consider.  I  knew  the  harsh
realities  of  real  life,  the  dark  times  and  the  evil.  I
didn’t want to be responsible for bringing any child
into  a  world  like  I’d  experienced.  Yet  now  I  can’t
imagine my life without Isabelle. She is the greatest
part of my days and nights.

“We’re almost there, Iz.” I shush her as I search

for a parking space at the bank. I have a feeling my
running around is going to be torturous today with
this little lady. She hates being restricted in her car
seat.

Mrs. Wilmar is waiting behind the counter with

an eager smile as I step inside. “She gets cuter each
week,  I  swear  to  it.”  She  leans  over  the  counter
with her arms stretched outward. “Let me see that
angel  while  you  get  your  things  ready.”  It’s  the
same  thing  each  week.  She  is  well  into  her  fifties
and  all  her  own  grandchildren  live  in  different
states,  rarely  giving  her  the  chance  to  see  them  as
often as she’d like. I think Isabelle gives her the fix
she needs.

“Those dark locks of hers are starting to curl on

the ends.” I watch as she runs her fingers over
Isabelle’s hair. “She may not share your hair color,

but it looks like she may just end up with the waves
like you have, Blair.”

I hope so, because if I hadn’t gone through

hours  of  labor  myself  I  wouldn’t  believe  she  was
mine  either.  Isabelle  is  her  daddy’s,  without  a
doubt.  The  dark  hair,  the  contour  of  her  jaw,  and
those eyes—they are all Jake’s.

“Yeah, maybe.” I avert my eyes, filling out the

forms quickly. I already know the questions are
coming. Betty Wilmar is a sweet lady, but she is
also a little nosy.

“Her daddy has the dark hair, right?” I nod

because we’ve been down this road almost weekly.
“How any man can walk away from a gem as sweet
as this little lady is a puzzle to me. He has no idea
the joys he’s missing out on.” A hollow feeling fills
my stomach as I push the deposit slip and my check
across the counter. “Such a shame she doesn’t have
a daddy to protect her.”

And there goes that swift kick to the gut feeling.
I reach out and take Isabelle in my arms.
“She has the next best thing in Will and Warren.

They are the greatest uncles a girl could ask for.” I
don’t look at Betty because I don’t want her to see
the tears that our conversation has brought to my
eyes.

I really need to change banks, but unfortunately

I think it would end up being the same thing, just a
different person. It would seem everyone knows

everything about all the things that aren’t their
business.

“Here you go, sweetheart,” Betty counts out

the sixty dollars I’ve requested and then places the
receipt for my deposit next to it. “If you ever need
a little time to yourself the offer to babysit this
sweet angel always stands.”

“Thanks.” I quickly tuck my things into my

purse.  “But  all  the  time  I  can  get  with  her  I  take,
because  I  miss  her  entirely  too  much  when  I’m
gone.”  I  chance  a  glance  at  Betty  and  find  her
smiling back at me. “You have a good day, Betty.”

“You too, hon.”
I step outside and take in a calming breath.

Everything  here  is  great,  peaceful  and  safe.
Everything  but  the  fact  that  everyone  seems  to
think  I  ran  off  to  the  city,  got  knocked  up,  and
came back home to raise my daughter alone. It isn’t
as if those facts aren’t entirely true, but I hate that
my  life  is  a  topic  those  around  me  discuss.  I  also
can’t  stand  the  idea  that  one  day  Isabelle  may  be
forced to hear the same things I filter now.

I move my little girl from my side around to my

front as I hug her close. “I’ll love you enough that
you won’t even have the chance to miss him.” I
know that even though I wish for that to be true
there will be a day when she’ll need her daddy.

With a deep breath in and a slow release I

safely tuck her back into her car seat and drive off

toward  my  next  stop.  One  person  after  another,  I
ignore  the  pitied  looks  of  the  elder  population
around  town.  I  look  past  those  who  are  younger
and  assume  the  worst,  and  choose  to  ignore  the
whispers I occasionally hear around me.

Instead I smile at Iz, tickle her tummy, and kiss

her cheeks each time we stop and get out of the car.
I remember what I left behind in the city and
cherish the fact that here, she is safe.

When I arrive at the grocery store I gather her

and  walk  toward  the  entrance  holding  her  close  to
my  front.  Collecting  a  cart,  I  place  her  in  the  seat
and  triple  check  its  straps  are  secure  around  her.
Even then, after knowing that the buckle locked in
place, I still keep my hand on each side of her as I
start inside.

I remain focused on her, playing the occasional

game of “peek a boo” when she starts to get antsy.
I don’t even flinch when she hollers out, because
her screeches are a welcome distraction.

I am so focused on her that I don’t even notice

we’re no longer alone…until I hear his voice.

“Is she mine?”
I freeze, with my hand on the jug of milk still

sitting just inside the cooler.

“And before you decide to lie, let me assure

you that just by looking at her I already know the
answer to that question.”

The urge to run hits me, as I look from side to

side without actually looking behind me.

“Were you ever gonna tell me that I have a

daughter?”

Tears cloud my vision as I stare ahead at

Isabelle,  who’s  now  focused  on  the  man  who  I
know  stands  only  a  few  inches  behind  me.  She
doesn’t  cry,  only  sucks  on  her  pacifier,  making
those  cute  little  noises  she’s  done  so  many  times
before. Yet I still can’t bring myself to turn around.
I  don’t  know  what  to  say  or  how  to  react.  I  never
thought I’d be faced with this situation.

“I wanna be angry right now over the fact that I

had no idea I was a father, only I can’t be. She’s
beautiful.”

I close my eyes tightly, willing the tears to just

go away. Only one escapes as it slowly rolls over
my cheek.

“What’s her name?”
I open my eyes just as he reaches over my

shoulder and touches her leg with the tips of his
fingers. A gentle touch, as if to ensure she is real
and that his eyes aren’t playing tricks on him.

“Isabelle,” I whisper her name, my throat

feeling scratchy from the emotions racing through
me. “What are you doing here?”

I take the chance to look back over my

shoulder and immediately regret it. Jake’s
penetrating stare, the same one I’d seen so many
times when I closed my eyes at night, bore into me.

Chapter Four

AKE

HANDS

ARE

SHAKING

, my legs trembling, but I

remain  as  still  as  I  possibly  can.  Staring  into  the
eyes  of  the  only  woman  I’ve  dreamed  of  every
night for the last year as adrenaline courses through
me.  My  desire  for  her,  my  need,  never  faded,  and
her  absence  didn’t  make  her  image  in  my  mind
weaken.  She’s  there,  she  is  always  there,  so  deep
and penetrating.

“I’m not the same man you left on the side of

the road a year ago.”

Blair begins shaking her head as she looks

toward the little angel I now know as our daughter.
Fuck, I’m a father. I’m still reeling from that alone.

She’s as beautiful as her mother, so sweet and—
wow.

“You need to leave.”
I pull my focus away from Isabelle and I see a

fear in Blair I hadn’t noticed a few seconds ago.

“Please, just leave us alone.”
“I can’t do that.” Once the words leave my lips,

Blair’s  eyes  fill  with  unshed  tears  that  make  my
chest  ache  so  unbelievably  bad.  “I  know  you’re
with  someone.”  I  try  not  to  snarl  at  the  idea  of
another man touching her. “I saw you leaving with
him last night.” Her forehead wrinkles in confusion.
“You  may  have  moved  on,  may  have  found
someone else, but I haven’t. I can’t.”

She glances toward the floor and I reach out to

place my finger beneath her chin. She flinches from
my touch, and I think being stabbed in the heart
would have hurt less than the fact she fears me.

“I would never hurt you.”
Her shoulders shake as she uses her hand to

push away my arm. “I need you to leave. I need
you to turn around and walk away. Please, if you
care like you say you do, forget about us.”

“You can’t keep her away from me, Blair.” She

can’t  possibly  expect  me  to  forget  that  I  have  a
daughter.  I  set  out  this  morning  in  search  of  Blair.
I’d  lain  awake  all  night  picturing  her  in  my  mind.
When the sun came up I knew I had to go to her. I
wanted her to know I was here and even if she had

moved  on  I  had  to  tell  her  I  was  sorry,  that  I’d
never  once  stopped  thinking  of  her.  I  want  her  to
know  that  I  love  her,  and  I  think  I  always  have,
since  our  first  night  together.  Maybe  even  before
that.

I never expected to see her walking out of her

house carrying a baby in her arms. After that I
drove around, following her to each stop she made,
trying to believe what I saw.

“I’m her father, Blair, I deserve to know her. I

deserve to be a part of her life even if I can’t be a
part of yours. I can’t just pretend she doesn’t
exist.”

“I’m not protecting her from you.” She finally

looks up at me, her voice rising a little higher. “It’s
your family, the life you live that I want to keep her
safe from. They can’t know about her, or where we
are. I won’t let any of you hurt her.”

“I’d never let that happen.”
She laughs sarcastically, and I understand where

that reaction stems from. I’d once made her feel
safe, and then my family stepped in and changed all
of that.

“I told you that part of my life is over. I’m not

that same guy.”

“Well, you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t

believe you.”

I watch as she turns toward our daughter and

reaches out to loosen the buckle that holds her

securely  in  place.  When  she  lifts  Isabelle  up  from
the shopping cart and places her against her chest, I
fight  the  urge  to  reach  out.  I’ve  never  wanted
anything  more  than  I  want  to  hold  my  daughter  at
that very moment. She’s part of me, a part of Blair,
and whether her mother wants to admit it or not she
was created by two people who at one point in time
cared deeply for each other.

Before I have even a second to register what’s

happening, Blair pushes past me, leaving the cart
filled with groceries behind. I’m torn between
chasing after her or ensuring there isn’t anything in
the basket that my daughter may need.

Then it hits me what’s taking place and

suddenly I’m moving after her, jogging to catch up.

“Blair, wait.” She doesn’t even pause. Those

around us watch in confusion as I follow after her.
Someone  she  passes  just  before  stepping  outside
asks her if she is okay and she assures them she is.
Of course the lady glares at me as I move by her as
if  I’m  the  devil  himself.  But  I  don’t  have  time  to
care;  all  I  care  about  is  the  two  who  are  hurrying
away  from  me.  Thankfully  Blair  has  to  take  the
time  to  fasten  Isabelle  in  her  seat  before  she  can
take off, which gives me the chance I need to catch
up to her.

I stand to her side, waiting to ensure she has our

daughter safely fastened in before I distract her.
What I don’t expect when I reach out for her is that

she’d turn on me.

Here we stand in the center of the parking lot,

people  gathering  around  us  as  she  shoves  against
my  chest  angrily.  Tears  stream  down  her  face,  her
nostrils  flaring.  “Leave  us  alone,”  she  screams  as
she pummels my chest and I do nothing to stop her.
“We’re safe here, she’s safe. Isabelle will never be
a  part  of  your  family,  a  part  of  the  disgusting  life
you lead. She’s mine and I won’t let you hurt her.”

I grab her wrists, holding them between us and I

lower myself just enough to look into her eyes. “I
would never hurt her or you.” Her shoulders shake
with the sobs she tries to hold back. Blair’s eyes are
red and swollen, her cheeks glistening with the
tears that have already fallen.

“I’m sorry for what my family did to you, for

the  part  I  played  in  it  all.  But  damn  it,  Blair,  you
have  to  know  that  I  never  meant  for  Gabe  to  hurt
you.  Had  I  not  been  sitting  in  my  father’s  office
with  two  guns  aimed  at  my  head  I  would  have
come  for  you  sooner.  The  waiting,  not  knowing
what  was  happening  to  you,  that  was  the  worst
fucking thing I’d ever felt in my life. But what good
would I have been to you dead?”

Seeing her lower lip tremble makes me feel so

weak, like I’m being torn apart from the inside out.
A  new  round  of  anger  toward  my  brother  and  my
father  for  ordering  him  to  find  Blair  in  the  first
place  hits  me  hard,  making  my  hands  shake  with

fury.

No longer caring that she is fighting me, I grip

her tighter and pull her in to my chest. “They’re all
behind bars, serving time for all the hell they
caused. I made sure of it, made sure they paid for
not only what they did to you, but to everyone who
ever crossed them.”

Blair tugs against me but I hold her even tighter,

needing to keep her close.

“It almost killed me knowing that I couldn’t get

to  you.  The  idea  of  what  he  was  doing  to  you  or
what  he  could  be  doing,  I  wanted  to  kill  him.”  I
pause  as  she  slowly  relaxes  against  me.  “And  I
almost did.”

She takes in a deep shuddering breath and then

I allow myself to relax, but just a little.

“That day you left with Whitney, the last time I

saw  you,  I  turned  my  family  in  to  the  police.  I
begged  for  help  before  I  killed  them  all  myself.  I
wanted  revenge  on  my  father  and  my  brother.  I
wanted them to suffer,” I whisper against her ear as
I look in on our daughter who sits quietly in her car
seat  staring  at  us.  Even  in  our  current  situation  I
can’t  contain  the  smile  that  covers  my  lips.  I’m  a
father.

“I meant what I said, Blair.” I close my eyes but

only for a second before looking back at our little
girl. “I’m not the same man, there’s no going back
there. That part of my world is over and as far as

I’m concerned the only two that matter from this
day forward are you and Isabelle.”

“ Y

’

DAD

?” Sadie asks in amazement as she

sits down on the hotel bed at my side. She looks
almost as shocked as I feel. “And Blair is a mom.”

“Yeah.” A smile tugs at my lips as I picture the

dark-haired  beauty  in  my  mind.  “And  she’s
perfect.”  Actually,  perfect  doesn’t  even  do  her
justice.  “There’s  no  denying  she’s  mine,  she  looks
just like me. Same color hair, same eyes. Hell, even
her nose is an exact replica of my own, only much
smaller.”

“Wow.”
“Wow’s one way of putting it.” I chuckle as I

look  up  to  see  Sadie  staring  off  at  nothing  in
particular  as  she  weighs  the  new  information  I’ve
thrown at her. “At first I was pissed, because there
I sat in my car, watching Blair place a little baby in
a  car  seat  inside  her  car.  The  idea  of  her  having  a
child  with  someone  else,  the  guy  we  saw  her  with
even, it just infuriated me. I knew I didn’t have the
right to be mad, but damn it, I didn’t want to admit
that what I’d come here for was already gone. I felt
defeated,  cheated  even  more  out  of  the  life  I
wanted.”  First  my  family  took  away  my  shot  at

happiness, and now some stranger was loving the
woman I wanted and the child they’d created
together.

“But the more I followed her, each time I got

another glimpse of the little girl, it was like my feet
were  swept  out  from  beneath  me.  Then  I  followed
her inside the store and got a closer look and that’s
when  I  just  knew.  I  knew  she  was  mine.  Even
through the anger I felt that Blair hid it from me, I
couldn’t  fight  the  happiness.”  Again  I  smile.  “I’m
someone’s  dad.”  I  shake  my  head  and  chuckle.
“She’s  my  new  beginning,  Sadie.  Isabelle’s  my
fresh start.”

“And what about Blair?”
I run my hand through my hair as I tug on the

tips  at  the  base  of  my  neck.  “In  a  perfect  world,
she’d be able to look past the things that happened
and  she’d  forgive  me.  We’d  heal  from  the  things
we’ve  faced  and  find  a  way  to  raise  our  daughter
together.  I  just  don’t  know  if  that’s  our  reality.”
Then  there’s  the  guy  she  was  with  that  she  still
hasn’t spoke of or denied having a connection with
when I brought it up.

“What I do know is that there isn’t anything

that’s  gonna  stop  me  from  being  a  part  of  my
daughter’s  life.  We’re  staying,  Sadie,  whether  she
wants  us  here  or  not.  I  won’t  walk  away  and  miss
another  minute  of  Isabelle’s  life.  I’ve  already
missed too much.”

“Maybe I should just go—”
“You’re staying.” I reach out and squeeze her

hand with my own. “I’ve already called Farris and
told him where I’ll be. With any luck I’ll either be
employed by Polk County or the town of Ankeny.
Either way is fine with me, because wherever my
little girl is, is where I’ll be. And I meant it when I
said that I’m here for you, always. There’s no going
back to that life, for you or for me. We’re home.”

Chapter Five

LAIR

“ W

HAT

THE

HELL

do you mean Jake is here?”

Whitney is fuming with anger, and I can practically
see flames shooting off her.

“I mean he’s here, in Ankeny.”
She paces the floor in front of the couch, her

hands flailing around as she opens her mouth only
to shut it again quickly. Her cheeks are flushed, a
sure sign her blood pressure is on the rise and I try
not to laugh. Because honestly, nothing about this is
funny, but oh my hell she looks ridiculous.

I’ve already given her a rundown of my

interaction with Jake, both inside and outside the
store. Apparently one of Marcy’s friends had a

front row seat to the entire show and by the time I
got back to my place, Will and Warren were both
already waiting in the driveway for me. Shortly
after that Whitney squealed to a stop along the curb
and practically climbed out of the car before it was
even in park.

Now here they all sit, watching and waiting for

me to react. Both of the guys look less than
pleased, on guard even. The big brother act is
written all over their faces.

“So which one of you is gonna tell us who the

hell this guy really is?”

“He’s Isabelle’s father.” Whitney throws her

hands  up  in  the  air  spinning  around  to  face  her
brother.  “He’s  a  liar  and  his  family  is  insane.  I’m
talking  the  worst  possible  kind  of  people  and  the
last thing we need is for any of them to be a part of
Izzy’s life.”

“He said they’re in prison.” Whitney again

spins completely around to face me once more.
Now all three of them stare at me silently. “He told
me that on that last day we saw him outside my old
apartment, things changed. That day we moved all
my

things.”

Whitney

nods

indicating

she

remembers. “He said that he left and went straight
to the police. He asked them to help him ensure
they all paid for everything they’d done.”

“And you believe him?” Whitney is frantic, but

she has gone through all this right along my side

and knows the extent of everything. She held me on
the  nights  I  cried  myself  to  sleep,  and  she  heard
word  for  word  on  more  than  one  occasion  a  recap
of  what  Gabe  had  done  and  said  to  me  that  night
outside the bar.

“I don’t know.” She seems disappointed in the

idea that I just might. “But I guess it’s a good thing
I have someone that can dig into that for me.
Someone that can find out if he’s telling the truth.”
I look at Warren and he narrows his eyes at me.
“Before you automatically assume he’s here to hurt
me, can you please do this one thing?”

“I don’t like anything about this, Blair.” Warren

is  and  always  has  been  the  quieter  of  the  two
brothers. But when he is unhappy about something,
he  makes  sure  you  know.  Sometimes  his  silence
leaves  me  unsettled  because  I  know  in  his  mind
he’s planning shit out. “So what if he had a hand in
placing his family behind bars? So what if he’s here
now, telling you all the things he thinks you need to
hear?  He  still  fucking  hurt  you.  He  still  allowed
those animals to hurt you in some way even though
you won’t tell us exactly how. Nothing about this is
sitting well with me. I want him gone.”

“Me too,” Will chimes in before I have the

chance to agree or disagree. “And I don’t want you
and Izzy here alone. I think you need to pack some
things and come home with me or stay at Mom and
Dad’s until Warren can check this all out.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”
“No,” Warren stands in a hurry, “we’re being

cautious.”

“And I’m an adult and can make my own

choices.” Both of the guys narrow their eyes as if
they think they can intimidate me into agreeing to
their demands. “We’re fine.”

“Then I’ll sleep on your damn couch.” Will

flops down and stretches out his arms over the back
of the couch like he is settling in and I laugh.

“No, you won’t.”
Silence passes over us all. Whitney looks back

and  forth  between  her  two  brothers,  lost  in  the
testosterone that flows heavy in the room. Will and
Warren  continue  to  share  some  quiet  conversation
by  using  only  facial  expressions  instead  of  words.
Anyone on the outside looking in would have likely
found the entire exchange comical, but I know they
are planning something I’ll hate in the end.

“What’s his full name?” Warren finally asks,

crossing his arms over his chest. “And his family,
too.”

“Gunther is the last name.” I relax but only a

fraction, knowing that Warren is going to do what I
asked.  “Zeke,  Gabe,  and  Jake.”  I  pause  for  a
second as a flashback of Gabe from that night hits
me.  “Cyrus.”  The  name  alone  feels  like  a  shot  of
acid.  That  name  alone  reminds  me  of  the  side  of
Jake  I  never  want  to  know.  “His  first  name  is

Cyrus, but he goes by Jake.”

Again Warren looks at Will before he grabs his

keys and storms off toward the door. He slams it a
little harder than he needs to as he exits.

“You better stock the refrigerator with my

favorite  beer,”  Will  states  with  conviction  as  he
grabs  for  the  television  controller.  “Oh,  and  be
ready  to  confirm  to  Marcy  why  I  won’t  be  home
until late tonight.”

“You are not sleeping all night on our couch.”

It’s my turn to place my hands on my hips.

“No.” I feel a sudden sense of relief wash over

me.  That  is,  until  he  continues.  “I’m  staying  until
Warren  gets  back,  then  he’s  sleeping  on  the  couch
so I  can go  home  to my  wife.  His wife  happens  to
be on shift tonight at the hospital so he’s got a free
night.”

“You are both being so…” I growl as I stomp

my foot in frustration like a two-year-old. “My god,
you both just need to stop it.”

“Not gonna happen.” He wouldn’t budge and I

should’ve already expected that. The Flannigan
brothers are hard-headed. So instead I walk off
toward my room like a scorned teenager and close
my door behind me.

Damn men. All of them.

WAKE

up to the sound of Isabelle’s squeal. I look

over at my alarm clock on the nightstand and panic
runs through me when I realize it is close to eight at
night.

Pushing back the covers, I grow frustrated

when they manage to get tangled around my legs
and I practically fall out of bed in the process. I can
hear the sound of men talking as I round the corner
and find not only Will, but Warren and Trevor too.
On the floor near the couch is Whitney who sits
before Isabelle as she bounces away in her soothing
bouncer chair.

“What’s going on?” They all turn to face me

when they realize I’m no longer hidden behind the
door of my bedroom. “Why are you all staring at
me like that?”

“I, um…” Warren stumbles over his words and

my stomach feels like it suddenly drops. This can’t
be  good.  “He  wasn’t  lying  about  his  family,  Blair.
Or about his involvement in having them arrested.”
Suddenly my airways feel just a little tighter. “This
guy’s  a  cop.”  What?  “He’s  new  to  the  force,  a
rookie.  I’m  talking  only  weeks  on  the  job,  but
currently  on  leave  from  Chicago  PD.  It  would
appear he has some friends in high places, and after
some  digging  around  I  found  that  he’s  applying  to
Polk  County  as  well  as  the  city  police  department
for a transfer.”

“What?” I feel as though I’ve been warped into

some kind of fantasy land.

“Looks like he didn’t just work with the force

to bring down his family and the entire ring. He
ended up joining them too. He goes by Jake legally,
there is no Cyrus Gunther. He had it changed.”

I lean against the wall at my side to keep myself

from stumbling as I let the information sink in. He’s
a cop?

“He’s staying over at the Holiday Inn, looks

like he’s paid two weeks in advance.” I don’t look
up at Warren as he continues. My head spins with
the information he’s giving me. None of this seems
real. How can someone go from one side of crime
to another?

“I want to tell you to stay away from him,” Will

says as he steps up in front of me and kneels down
to  look  me  in  the  eye.  “But  I  know  I  can’t.
Something tells me he’s not gonna stay away and I
guess  if  the  tables  were  turned,  if  it  was  me  and
there  was  someone  telling  me  I  had  to  stay  away
from  Marcy  and  Matthew,  I’d  wouldn’t  either.
Because  there  isn’t  anything  or  anyone  that  could
keep  me  from  them.  Part  of  me  wants  to  be
sympathetic  to  this  guy,  but  I  won’t  lie  to  you,
Blair, I’m cautious.”

“Me too.” He seems pleased with my

confession as he reaches out and pulls me in for a
hug. “No matter what happens, you need to
remember that I’m here. We all are.”

“There’s one more thing you need to know,

Blair.” Warren places his hand on my shoulder,
gaining my full attention as Will leans back. “He’s
not staying in the hotel alone.” My stomach
plummets. “He has a woman with him.”

I don’t have the right to care, I know this. Jake

isn’t mine, and I don’t really think he ever was. But
knowing that if he is a part of Isabelle’s life, the
woman he has with him will be too is what bothers
me the most. It’ll be hard enough to share her with
Jake; I’m not sure I can share her with his girlfriend
too. Or whatever she is.

Chapter Six

AKE

“ A

KID

,” Farris repeats to himself for the third time

and I can almost picture him shaking his head in
disbelief. “Bet that was one hell of a shock for sure.
You went there for a woman, and now you got a
kid.”

“So tell me you got some good news for me.” I

sit  down  on  the  lounger  near  the  pool  as  I  watch
Sadie  go  for  yet  another  lap.  She’s  come  down  to
the  pool  almost  daily  at  the  same  time  every  day
since  we  arrived.  For  an  hour  she  swims  back  and
forth, only taking small breaks in between each lap.
I think it serves as some type of therapy, so I never
question it.

“Word is Polk County has a position opening

up.”  Farris  is  my  inside  informer  since  he  has
multiple  friends  and  family  on  the  police  forces
scattered  throughout  the  US.  It’s  great  to  have
friends  with  connections.  “They  have  two  guys  up
for retirement, but I need you to hold out for a little
longer. There seems to be a hang up.”

“What type of hang up?"
He lets out a deep breath and I hear papers

shuffle  around  through  the  other  end  of  the  line.
“Do  you  know  a  guy  by  the  name  of  Warren
Flannigan?”  Just  the  name  alone  sets  off  warning
bells in my head.

“Flannigan is Blair’s best friend’s last name.” I

know this can’t be good.

“Which would explain why the guy is poking

around in your past.” Yes, it would. “Your girl
seems to have her own connections.”

I smile, knowing since she took the time to

check me out, it means she hasn’t completely
written me off.

I look up just in time to see Sadie climbing out

of the pool and walking in my direction. She looks
better than she did in the city, more lively, and the
color in her cheeks has come back. She’s also put
on a few much needed pounds, but I won’t dare tell
her that. She no longer looks like that frail, lifeless
girl I knew a year ago. She has a spark back that
looks good on her.

I hold out the towel to her and as she reaches

for it, she shakes her head, throwing water all over
me from her wet hair. I jump up, the chair scoots
along the tiled floor, and she laughs out loud.

“Pansy,” she mumbles as she walks off in the

direction of our rooms.

“How’s Sadie doing?” I’ve noticed Farris has

been asking about her often. They had something
between them in the city. Neither of them have
openly admitted it, but I could tell.

“Why don’t you take a trip to Iowa and find out

for yourself?” He doesn’t reply back right away but
when he does, I can almost sense he was grinning
widely.

“We’ll see.”
I end the call after he assures me that he’s

working  on  getting  me  into  Polk  County  Sheriff’s
Department.  If  that  doesn’t  work,  I’ll  have  to  find
another  means  of  income  because  one  thing’s  for
sure,  I’m  not  going  anywhere.  Now  that  I  know  I
have  a  daughter,  I’ve  found  my  home.  It  is
wherever  she  is.  Which  means  it’s  time  to  find  a
more permanent residence besides the Holiday Inn.

I bypass Sadie’s room and go to my own door.

Though they are joint rooms and we often leave the
inside doors connecting the two open, there are also
times for privacy. Just as I place my keycard into
the slot on the door I pause, looking to my left.

Only a few feet away stands Blair, looking back

at me hesitantly.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have come but—”
“No,” I interrupt her, “it’s okay.” I push open

the door to my room and motion for her to join me.
“Let’s step inside. We can talk more privately.”

Again Blair hesitates, looking at the now open

door, almost like she believes stepping inside will
be nothing more than a mistake.

“Just talk.”
Her gaze finds mine and after a couple of short

breaths, I can see her shoulders visibly relax before
finally deciding to accept my offer.

I try not to focus on her backside as she steps

into  the  room,  but  it’s  like  a  rope  pulling  me  in.  I
remember  a  time  when  I’d  been  able  to  reach  out
and  pull  her  close  whenever  the  urge  had  risen.  I
miss those times.

“Sorry about the mess.” I hurry around her,

quickly trying to gather the clothes I have scattered
around the room. I’m a shitty housekeeper but in
my defense, no one has been in my room but me,
with the exception of Sadie, but she doesn’t count.
“Here,” I hold out my hand to the chair that is now
visible in the corner of the room, “have a seat.”

She does so, but not without caution.
“I’m surprised to see you here.” I sit on the bed

opposite her. “I don’t ever remember telling you
where I was staying.” She tries to look at anything
but me, but it’s a fraction too late; I’ve already seen

the discomfort in her eyes. “Who’s the guy you
have snooping around to gather information about
me?”

“It was more of a means to verify you were

telling the truth.” Blair lifts her gaze to meet my
own and offers a little shrug. “Not really to find out
things you hadn’t already told me. But to answer
your question, it’s Whitney’s brother. He works for
the Polk County Sheriff’s Department.”

I offer a simple nod.
“In the process, he also found out that you are a

cop.” She arches her brow and that reaction makes
me chuckle. “And of course, the fact that you are
staying here, at this hotel.”

Again she looks away, like she’s avoiding

saying anything more.

“So he also informed you that I’ve requested a

transfer to Iowa?” It is her turn to nod, still looking
down at her lap instead of at me. “You should know
that if that doesn’t work out then I’ll be looking for
something else outside of the force, because I don’t
plan on going anywhere. Not unless you and
Isabelle leave.”

“This is our home.”
“Then its mine, too.” We stare at one another,

waiting for the other to break. It’s the loud
obnoxious knock on the adjoining doors that breaks
our trance.

“Move it, Jake.” Sadie’s voice sounds muffled

through  the  door,  but  it  is  clear  enough  to  know
what she says. “I’m hungry and after that workout I
just had, I’m counting on you to feed me.” I’m well
aware  of  the  way  her  words  sound.  It’s  also  a
difficult  situation  because  Sadie  and  Blair  have  a
past, one that didn’t end on the best of terms.

“Sorry,” Blair stands quickly and begins

walking toward the door, “I guess I should go.”

“No.” Reaching out I grab her hand and she

pauses with her back still turned to me. “You don’t
have to.”

Another knock rings throughout the small room.

“Feed me or I’ll be forced to order from every
takeout menu in this town and bill your credit
card,” Sadie hollers out. “It’s your choice.”

“Yeah, I think I do.” I notice the way Blair is

looking toward the door Sadie just spoke through.
Then her gaze shifts and she glances over her
shoulder to our still joined hands. “Honestly I don’t
know what I was thinking coming here.”

“But something brought you here.”
Silence passes between us once again and ever

so  slowly  she  eases  her  hand  from  mine  before
crossing  her  arms  over  her  chest.  She  pivots,
looking  up  at  me  with  such  a  fierce  determination
that it makes my stomach feel empty.

“I can’t stop you from seeing Isabelle.” Blair

takes in a shuddering breath. “I won’t try.” Relief
washes over me. “But I will fight you on her safety

and those who become a part of her life along with
you.”

“I have that right too, ya know.” Her eyes

narrow  at  me  and  I  recognize  it  as  her  look  of
irritation.  “The  right  to  protect  her  from  the  guys
you choose to bring in and out of her life.” I know
what she is referring to when she makes it clear that
she’ll  fight  me  on  my  involvement  with  Isabelle  if
she  needs  to.  It  is  directed  toward  the  voice  she
heard  only  moments  ago;  she  just  won’t  come  out
and say it. So I do make it clear.

“Well, then I guess it’s a good thing the only

men involved in her life have been her grandpa and
her uncles,” she replies. I feel the tightness in my
chest grow less tense. “Isabelle comes first, she has
since the day she was born. I would never bring
anyone into her life that I felt wasn’t worthy. That
won’t ever change.”

I follow behind her as she opens the door to my

room  and  steps  out  into  the  hallway.  I  notice  the
way  she  looks  toward  the  door  to  Sadie’s  room
before  quickly  looking  at  the  floor  to  hide  her
interest.

“When can I see her?” I ask.
“I work tonight.” She takes in a deep breath,

her shoulders lifting, then relaxing once more. “I
get off at seven. If you want to meet me there I can
have Will bring her by.”

“Will?”

A smile tugs at the corner of her lips.

“Whitney’s other brother. He and his wife keep
Izzy when Whitney can’t.” There went a little more
tension, fading away. “Or she stays with Whitney’s
parents. They’re the only true family I’ve ever had
and that makes them her family too.”

I know very little about Blair’s childhood. She

was  always  so  reluctant  to  share  any  of  her  past
with me; I assume because there aren’t many good
memories to share. But one thing’s for certain: she
did  talk  about  Whitney’s  parents  and  how  good
they  were  to  her,  so  knowing  that  they  are  also  a
part  of  my  daughter’s  life  gives  me  peace.  Fact  is,
neither of us have family to share with Isabelle, so
these people are the perfect substitute.

“Spencer’s at seven.” I tell her with a nod.
“I know I don’t have the right to ask, but for

now can we hold back on introducing your
girlfriend to Izzy?” She may not have wanted me to
see the flare of her nostrils when she said the word
“girlfriend,” but I do. That alone gives me a rush of
hope. “I know she’s too little to notice any tension,
but this entire thing is overwhelming enough that I
just think…” She pauses, at a loss for words.

“I’ll be there alone,” I tell her, reaching out to

nudge her chin, forcing Blair to look up at me. “But
just  so  we’re  clear,  she’s  not  my  girlfriend,  just  a
close  friend.”  Even  though  she  nods  I  can  see  the
hesitance  in  her  gesture.  “She’s  more  like  a  kid

Chapter Seven

LAIR

P LATE

SLIP S

out of my hand and bangs against

the counter as the silverware on top of it tumbles to
the floor. The racket echoes through the small
space, making it only seem that much louder.

“Did you lather yourself in baby oil before your

shift today or what?”

I don’t look up from the slate grey counter

when Krista steps up beside me. I’ve been a wreck
all night, and with each passing second it only gets
worse.

“I’m just off tonight.”
“That’s an understatement,” she adds with a

laugh. “Wilber said he’s gonna glue skid pads to

your  hands  so  you  won’t  drop  anything  else.”
Wilber is our seventy-two-year-old boss and an all-
around  great  guy.  Like  a  grandfather  to  us  all,  he
spoils us and never once has he gotten angry, even
when  he  should.  “Thank  goodness  you  have  less
than an hour before your shift ends.”

She hurries away after grabbing what she came

for  and  I  look  up  at  the  clock,  verifying  what  she
said.  Forty-eight  minutes…that’s  how  long  I  have
until  Isabelle  meets  her  daddy.  Though  he  saw  her
only a couple days ago, it all seems like a blur.

I guess it’s the unknown that terrifies me so

much. Where do we go from here? How do I share
her with him?

“He’s here.” I spin around, and in the process

knock a fork to the floor. Krista is standing behind
me, her brow arched as she looks down at the floor
between us. Numerous utensils remain at my feet,
my hands shake, and though no one can see it, my
stomach is tied in knots. Forget knots; I’m so
tangled up inside I feel like I’m going to keel over.

“Who’s here?” I already know she means Jake,

but I guess I’m hoping for some luck that she
means Will or someone else instead.

Krista reaches out and grabs my arms. “First

off, you need to calm down.”

I nod, but I am anything but calm.
“Jake just sat down in your area, and Carol got

him something to drink.” Again I nod.

“Is he alone?”
“Yes.” She smiles because she knows me too

well. “Is this about you being nervous over him
with Izzy? Or is it more of you being worried that
he is with someone else and you’re gonna be forced
to watch that?”

“Iz,” I say, but am well aware that it comes out

sounding  more  like  a  question.  “Okay,  maybe
both.”  My  shoulders  sag,  my  heart  beats  rapidly,
and  I  suddenly  feel  exhausted.  “I  can’t  let  myself
feel  the  things  I’m  feeling,  not  for  him.  Not  after
everything that’s happened.”

Krista says nothing, only lets me ramble on with

my self-lecture.

“He can’t just show up here a year later, then

we fall back into the time before it all went wrong.
He lied, he pretended to be someone else, that can’t
be forgotten. Having a child doesn’t change a thing,
being a cop, changing his life, it doesn’t erase the
past. It can’t. Right?”

“It’s not me that you need to be asking those

questions of, Blair.” Krista never let me have the
easy way out. “You’re the only one that holds those
answers, babe. This is your life and Isabelle’s.”

I hate that there are no easy answers to this

mess, but I get what she is saying. I’m the one who
holds onto those memories, those fears. I’m the one
who has been wronged. It’s up to me.

“He’s here for Isabelle,” I say with a firm nod,

standing  tall  and  squaring  my  shoulders.  “This  is
not  about  me,  or  him.  It’s  about  Iz  meeting  her
daddy  and  them  getting  the  chance  to  build  a
connection. Nothing else matters.”

I ignore the way she throws out that are you

sure  look  she  often  gives.  Bending  over,  I  quickly
pick  up  my  mess,  wipe  away  any  excess  from  the
floor, then toss the rag and all into the bin. “I have
customers,”  I  say  over  my  shoulder  as  I  step  back
out through the swinging doors into the dining area.

Immediately my eyes find him, zoning in on him

like he’s the only person seated in my area. And as
if  he  feels  me  too,  he  lifts  his  gaze  and  instantly  a
grin covers his lips. I may still hold a grudge, I may
still  be  hurt  beyond  belief  that  he  wasn’t  honest
with me from the start, but nothing can diminish the
pull  I  feel  toward  this  man.  From  the  first  time  I
saw  him  behind  the  bar  at  Miller’s,  I  swear  he
reached inside me and held my heart in the palm of
his hand. I want to hate him, I want to ensure that
what I felt for him will never resurface, but I know
in  that  very  second  living  by  those  rules  will  be
difficult.

I force my legs to move, but with each step I

feel my stomach growing tighter and tighter.

“Sorry, I know I’m early.” He doesn’t wait for

me to say anything as I pause near the end of his
table. “I did try to waste time driving around town,
even looked at a few places with a Realtor

today.”

Though he already mentioned once finding a

more permanent place here in town, hearing it
again once again gets my nervous energy going.

“But then I ended up here and sitting in the car

for over an hour got difficult, so here I am.” Jake
shrugs, leaning back in his seat as he tosses his arm
over the back of the booth.

I had the words I wanted to say etched out in

my mind on my way over to the table, but suddenly
I can’t remember them. So instead I stand there
staring at him, looking like some kinda fool, I’m
sure.

“Figure I’ll eat something.” He points toward

the menu he has stretched out in front of him.
“What’s good?”

“Anything.” My voice squeaks. His eyebrows

shoot  up  and  his  forehead  crinkles.  I  quickly  clear
my throat, lifting my notepad from the front of my
apron  and  focus  on  it  instead.  “But  I’m  biased
because  Wilber  is  by  far  my  favorite  boss  and  I
wouldn’t  speak  a  harsh  word  about  him  or  his
menu.” Just pick something, anything.

“In that case, let me have the…” His mouth

moves but I don’t hear the words. Or maybe I hear
them but they don’t register in my mind. “And can
I get extra jalapeños in that? All chicken though, no
shrimp.”

I nod, staring at the notepad because sooner or

later the guy is gonna catch onto the fact I was

staring at his mouth, his eyes, and his hands.

“The fajitas are my favorite.” I look to my left

to see Carol standing there just as she sets an iced
tea on the table. When she offers me a wink, I feel
my cheeks heat. She’d caught me, that’s obvious.
I’m thankful she swooped in to rescue me though,
now that I don’t have to have Jake repeat his order.
Or worse, get him something he didn’t even want.

“I’ll go put this in.” I step back leaving them to

socialize. I know eventually everyone in town will
know who he is to me and to my daughter. It’s only
a matter of time.

For the next thirty minutes or so, I do all I can

to  ignore  the  fact  that  Jake  is  here.  I  wait  on  the
rest  of  my  customers  as  if  my  entire  world  isn’t
shifting beneath my feet. I smile, though I can feel
it  is  forced.  I  laugh  along  with  the  customers  who
share humorous stories or funny jokes. I even make
it a point to ask if things are okay as I quickly hurry
from one location to the next.

Five minutes before my shift ends I look toward

the door just in time to see Will and Marcy stepping
inside, with Matthew and Isabelle in tow. They
pause near the door as they look behind them just
before Shawn steps inside.

And my heart sinks.
Since he knows the guys, he has met Izzy a time

or two. So when he reaches out and skims his finger
over her cheek, then leans in closer to talk to her, I

instantly look over at Jake to see if he notices.

Seeing his nostrils flaring as he also looks in the

direction of the door confirms he definitely notices.

“She looks just like her beautiful mom.” I jump

at  the  sound  of  Shawn’s  voice.  They’d  moved  in
closer and were now only a few feet away without
me  even  realizing  it.  All  I  can  think  is  He  is  a
complete  idiot.  Besides  her  little  toe  on  both  feet
that had a slight bend just like mine, Isabelle looks
nothing like me.

Shawn reaches out and places his hand on my

hip before leaning in and pressing a kiss to my
cheek. The entire gesture throws me off as my eyes
widen in surprise.

“We were just telling Shawn that Isabelle’s

daddy is in town.” I can instantly see the apologetic
look that covers Marcy’s face. “He showed up to
see if he could catch you before you left.”

“You’ve been dodging my invites for that

second date,” Shawn smiles and I just want to
punch him. How can one person be so dense?

I don’t get the opportunity to decline. I don’t

even have to turn around to know that Jake is
standing behind me. Will, Marcy, and even Shawn
are looking over my shoulder.

“I’m Jake.” His deep raspy voice rings out and

covers me like a smoldering blanket. “This little
beauty’s daddy.” He points toward Isabelle, who is
safely tucked against Will’s chest.

Shawn seems so out of place as he stands there

with a displeased look on his face. It’s almost like
he feels he has some entitlement over Jake when it
comes to Izzy and even me.

“I’m Will. I believe you know my sister

Whitney?”

“I do.” Jake places his hand against Will’s

outstretched palm and they share a firm shake.
“This is my wife, Marcy, and our son, Matthew.”

“Nice to meet you all.” Jake steps closer and I

can feel the heat of his body now pressing to my
side. Marcy offers a smile, before her gaze meets
mine and she wags her brows. Yes, I know he’s very
easy and I do mean easy on the eyes.

“I’m Shawn.” He shifts his body like a standoff

to  Jake  and  offers  a  nod  in  my  direction.  “I’m  a
close friend of Blair’s.” It’s my turn to narrow my
eyes  at  Shawn.  He  can’t  be  serious  right  now.
“Funny  thing  is  she  never  mentioned  anything
about  Isabelle’s  father.  Only  that  he  wasn’t  in  the
picture.”

“Shawn, I—”
“I am definitely in the picture.” The tone of

Jake’s voice suddenly reminds me of one I’d heard
before, only not from his lips. Chills cover my arms
and  the  back  of  my  neck  and  I  suddenly  feel  as
though I’m thrown back into that horrific night that
took  place  over  a  year  ago.  My  hands  shake  even
though  I  try  to  hide  the  trembling.  “Had  I  known

Chapter Eight

AKE

THE

HELL

does this guy think he is? And does

he really think his pathetic attempt at staking some
type of claim is really gonna work? I don’t give a
fuck what kind of relationship he has with Blair.
Well, I do, but at this point it doesn’t seem he is as
close to this group as he is putting on. The looks on
their faces definitely say otherwise.

I can see Blair’s hands trembling as she holds

them  down  at  her  sides.  This  isn’t  the  time  for  me
to put on a show. It sure as hell isn’t the place for
me  to  show  this  guy  that  I  don’t  give  two  shits
about  what  he  thinks  he  has  over  me.  He  doesn’t
have a thing.

“Now that I know I have a daughter…” I place

my  hand  on  Blair’s  shoulder  and  give  it  a  soft
squeeze.  She  leans  back  into  my  touch  and  that  is
confirmation enough that what I think to be true is
accurate.  This  guy  is  nothing  special.  “…I’m  here
to stay.”

Will must have picked up on the tension

because he steps forward, blocking Shawn’s view
of me. At this point all I can see is Isabelle. Her big
beautiful eyes stare back at me as she chews on her
fingers that are securely placed in her mouth.

My chest aches at the vision before me, this

perfect  little  girl  who  knows  nothing  of  my  past.
Everything  I’ve  done,  all  the  wrong  words  I’ve
spoken,  none  of  it  matters.  This  is  my  chance  to
make  it  all  right.  She  is  so  innocent  and  pure,  and
she  is  mine.  I  squeeze  Blair’s  shoulder  just  a  little
tighter as I fight the emotions that build within me.

I want to reach for her, but I’m also so terrified

of making a move. I’ve never felt so raw in my life,
and suddenly she blurs as tears fill my eyes.

“Do you wanna hold her?” It’s Will who asks

me and even though I can’t see clearly, there is
absolutely nothing I want more. I nod my head and
blink, feeling the tears run over my cheeks just
before Isabelle is placed in my arms.

Here we stand in the middle of a restaurant,

making one hell of a scene, but I couldn’t care less.
This is my moment, one I’m not willing to part

with.

I hug her close and feel the slobber goo that is

all over her cheek smear against my neck. Mine  is
the only word that comes to mind. It may be wrong
of  me,  but  again  I  don’t  care,  I  only  react.  I  place
my  free  hand  on  Blair’s  hip  and  pull  her  close,
hugging  the  two  most  important  people  in  my  life
securely.

“Thank you,” I whisper, not just to Blair for

giving me such a beautiful gift, but to Will and
Marcy for simply loving this amazing little girl—my
daughter.

“Let’s get you two some privacy.” I don’t

question Will as he suddenly ushers us toward the
back of the dining area. “Wilber said to take his
office.”

I look up just in time to see us being nudged

into a room with a desk and large couch in the
corner.

“I was told to tell you to take all the time you

need.” I give him a thankful nod, still unwilling to
release Blair or my little girl.

I hear the door close behind us and Blair tries to

pull back, but I hold her tighter.

“Not yet.” Please not yet. I want to hold them

for as long as I can. I want to make up for the time
I have already lost, for the times when she needed
someone and I wasn’t there.

“I can never express just how sorry I am,” my

voice  shakes  as  I  fight  to  get  the  words  out,  “for
everything.  I  hurt  you  Blair.  I  should  have  fought
harder to keep you safe. I should have gone to the
police  sooner.  I  never  should  have…”  I  take  in  a
deep breath, feeling Isabelle start to squirm against
me.

I release my hold on Blair though it is the last

thing I want to do.

I gently bounce Izzy, feeling odd in my attempt

to quiet her. I’ve never held a baby before; I was
never presented with the opportunity. But with her,
it feels natural in some strange way. I guess, maybe,
because I know she is a part of me.

“She’s amazing, Blair.”
“She is.” Her voice shakes and I look away

from our daughter to see Blair’s eyes are reddened
and  wet  from  the  tears  she  too  is  shedding.  “She
likes  when  you  pat  her  back.”  Blair  uses  her  hand
to  show  me  with  my  own  how  to  comfort  our
daughter.  “I  sing  to  her  sometimes,  well  mostly  in
the  car  because  she  hates  to  be  in  a  car  seat,  and
always  nursery  rhymes.  Sometimes  at  night  too,
when it’s dark and she’s having a hard time falling
asleep, or I talk to her.”

“Talk to her?” I ask, noticing the way Blair

quieted after she realizes what she said. She nods
her head. “About what?”

“Anything.” Crossing her arms over her chest

she watches our daughter instead of me.

“Everything,”  again  she  pauses,  “I’ve  told  her
about  how  you.”  She  looks  at  me.  “My  version
never  includes  the  part  I  just  want  to  forget,
though.”

The deep guilt and regret settles in me once

more. I’m well aware that the apologies I just gave
her  only  minutes  ago  have  been  forgotten.  I  also
know  it’s  gonna  take  time.  Talking  about  our
daughter has quickly taken the place of everything
else.  For  now  I’ll  accept  that,  but  later  I’ll  tell  her
all  over  again  how  sorry  I  am  when  she  has  no
other choice but to hear me. I’ll say it every day if I
have  to  until  somehow,  someway,  we  can  move
beyond our past.

“Her birthday?”
“January nineteenth,” Blair smiles as she holds

out her hand and pushes back Isabelle’s hair to
place a kiss to her forehead, “at two-fifty-two am,
after almost eighteen hours of labor.”

I close my eyes as another round of regret fills

me over those times I’ve already missed. “I don’t
want to miss another second of her life.” I want to
say the same of Blair’s too, but I hold those words
back…for now.

“So how do we do this?” I understand what she

is asking, and it would’ve been so easy right then to
tell her that I want a life full of memories that
overflow with nothing but her and Isabelle. It
would’ve been easy to tell her that we should forget

everything from our past and start fresh. Only I
know that isn’t possible. If I want this, her and my
daughter with nothing between us, I have to do this
right.

“We’ll figure it out,” I assure her as I take her

hand in mine. Looking between her and Izzy I feel
overwhelmed with more love and appreciation than
I’ve ever felt for any two people before in my life.
“I’ll take everything you give me Blair, because a
lifetime isn’t gonna be enough time to love her like
I want to. I need her to understand how much I
love her already and I know that with each day it’s
only going grow.”

I know she gets it, I can see the love in her eyes

as  I  watch  her  watch  our  daughter.  We  did  this,
even  in  a  time  when  everything  around  us  was
falling apart, we created this perfect mixture of us.
We  made  this  life  and  I  can  damn  well  guarantee
I’ll do everything I have to do to keep her safe. To
keep  both  of  them  safe.  I  won’t  fail  them;  I  won’t
fail Blair, not again.

Chapter Nine

LAIR

“ T

HAT

WAS

P RETTY

INTENSE

.” Whitney sits down on

the couch next to me and twists around to face me,
tucking her legs in close. When she holds out the
glass of wine, I take it without hesitation. Lifting it
immediately to my lips I take a generous gulp,
welcoming the sweet taste.

“I’ve always been honest with you.” I nod

because she has. “That scene tonight, it both broke
my heart and mended it. The way he held onto her
like she was his lifeline, you could just see it in his
eyes, Blair. He loved her instantly.”

“I know.” Tears cloud my vision and I close my

eyes, taking in one slow breath after another.

“And you.” I open them once more and find her

staring at me. “He loves you too.”

I shake my head.
“You didn’t see what I saw. He messed up and

truth  is  I  don’t  know  if  I’ll  ever  be  able  to  forgive
him for the hand he played in that mess. But not for
a minute do I believe that he ever intended to hurt
you.  I  think  in  some  crazy  way  he  felt  that
accepting  that  task  from  his  sick  father,  in  turn  he
was  keeping  you  safe.  Because  if  he  hadn’t  been
the  guy  to  play  that  role,  it  would  have  been
someone else, and we both know that things could
have been a lot worse. He was stuck with doing the
wrong  thing  or  letting  some  innocent  girl  get
trapped in a world of destruction.”

“I still got trapped.” I take another drink of the

wine I hold, welcoming the taste that soothes the
dryness in my throat.

“We both saw the condition of his face that

night  he  showed  up  at  my  apartment.”  He  looked
awful  and  my  heart  hurt,  thinking  of  what  he’d
gone  through  that  caused  such  damage.  “He
obviously put up a fight to get to you.”

I know everything she is saying is true, but it

still doesn’t ease the pain of his betrayal.

“I won’t stop him from seeing Izzy.” Not after

all I know now. He loves her, and in my heart I
know without a doubt he’d never hurt her.

“And you?”

“For now that’s all I can give him.”
He still reminds me of a time I need to forget.

When I look in his eyes, though they are gorgeous,
they  still  bring  back  Gabe’s  callous,  hateful  look.
His  eyes  are  both  a  hard  and  sweet  addition.  Hard
because  they  are  the  eyes  he  shares  with  such  an
evil man. Soft because they are also the same eyes
he shares with our daughter.

Whitney and I sit in silence as my heart and

head battle it out over what I should do next—how
to share Izzy without losing the independence I’ve
been building for myself. A huge part of me wants
more with Jake then simply sharing her. But the
fear in me, that haunting despair, reminds me how I
felt a year ago. I don’t want to be that girl ever
again.

“Will said Shawn tried to claim you.” I allow

my head to hang forward as I fight the laughter that
bubbles  up  in  my  chest.  “Like  he  owned  you  or
something.  She’s  mine,  you  back  off,  the  whole
banging  on  his  chest  and  peeing  on  your  leg  kinda
shit.”

“It was so ridiculous.” I lift my head to meet

her gaze and find she is smiling wide. “He’s a nice
guy, truly he is. But honestly, I just want to beat
your brother for ever guilting me into that first date.
He’s like a bug you can’t swat away.”

“Will told my dad that he thought he was gonna

have to referee a full out claim the woman match.”

I  can  almost  imagine  their  father  smiling  as  he
listened  to  Will  lay  out  the  scene  before  him.  “All
Dad  had  to  say  about  it  was  that  any  man  that
stands  between  a  father  and  his  daughter  deserves
to get a beat down.”

“Sounds like your dad.”
Again the silence settles in as we both sit there

in the dark, drinking our wine.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I nod, though I’m

not sure. I feel like one day I could be, but right
now I still feel so torn, so raw.

“No matter what happens, whatever choices

you make, know I’m on your side.”

“I know.” She always has been.
“I’m gonna head to bed.” Whitney leans in and

kisses my temple. “I love you Blair, and I love that
little  girl  in  the  next  room  like  she’s  my  own.  I
don’t  care  what  happens,  nothing  and  no  one  will
ever  trump  that.  You  two  come  first,  you  always
will.”

Her words only make it even harder to fight

that  empty  ache  inside  of  me.  I  have  never  in  my
life  been  so  torn  over  what  move  I  should  make
next.  There’s  too  much  at  stake,  mainly  my
daughter. I want her to have a life with two loving
parents;  that  has  been  something  I’ve  wished  for
from  the  start.  I  just  never  thought  it  could  be  a
reality.  Now  here  we  are,  with  me  and  her  father
loving  her.  Throwing  in  my  own  unsettled  feelings

about Jake will only complicate things. So for now,
I’ll tuck them away safe and ignore how hard it is
every time he’s near.

For Isabelle, I will do anything.

“ W

’

JUST

GOING

around the block,” Jake says

as he tucks Isabelle into her stroller. “I promise.”

He peeks up at me and I realize I have yet to

say  a  word.  Instead  I’ve  been  nodding  the  whole
time  while  I  watch  how  careful  he  is  with  our
daughter. How he ensures her little legs are free and
clear  before  he  snaps  the  buckle  in  place.  He  then
tests  the  strap  that  crisscrosses  over  her  chest,
leaving  nothing  to  chance.  I’m  completely  lost  in
how  easy  he’s  falling  into  a  protective  mode  with
her.

“Do you wanna come with us?”
“No.” I take in a deep breath and he smiles up

at me. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be so leery or—”

“I get it.” He stands. “You have my phone

number but you shouldn’t need it. I promise, just
once around the block.”

“It’s okay.” I take a step back. “This is your

time with her. I trust you.” Even he seems surprised
with that declaration. “Stop.” He chuckles when I
roll my eyes. “I’m gonna go in and take a shower,

maybe paint my toenails.” He looks down toward
my feet and I wiggle my toes, which only seems to
widen his smile.

“You mean to say that you’re gonna go inside

and stand near the window, peeking out every
couple minutes to see if we’re back yet?”

He’s right, except most likely I will be pacing

the floor in between each peek. It’s hard for me to
let her go, even if it is for a short time. “I’ve never
had to share her before.”

“What about when you’re at work?”
“Those are the hardest times of my life.” He

chuckles but the sad part is I’m not lying. It kills me
to leave her. Each time I do it’s with a lump in my
throat and a burning ache in my chest.

“My offer still stands,” he adds with a tilt of his

head. “You could tag along.” He stares at me, my
heart races, and Isabelle squeals, gaining attention
from both of us.

Suddenly I’m very thankful for my daughter’s

outburst. Stepping forward I place a kiss to her
forehead and then hold out her pacifier to Jake.

“Just in case.” He takes it and I try not to shiver

when his fingers skim over the palm of my hand.

“Say bye to Mommy, Iz,” Jake says, still staring

at me. His gaze falls to my lips and he pauses for a
few seconds before turning around and pushing the
stroller down the driveway. I remain right where I
am as I watch him walk away. A pair of jeans hug

his ass just right, and the dark shirt he wears shifts
from the movement of his taut muscles beneath. I
find myself wondering if he still looks the same
without those clothes on.

A shiver rushes through me and I turn around,

hurrying toward the safety of my apartment. It is
only a walk, but it already feels like they’ve been
gone a lifetime.

When I finally hear the soft knock on the front

door, I already know it is them. I’d watched only a
few seconds before as Jake pushed her up the
driveway then unbuckled her from her seat. I tried
to allow a little time to pass before I open the door,
but the second I do I know he has me figured out.

“Good attempt at a cover up, Blair, but I saw

you watching us through the front window.” I hide
my smile as I reach out and take Isabelle from him.

“She lasted about two minutes before she

started squealing.” Jake steps inside and I don’t
even question him as I walk toward the kitchen.
“She’s got a set of lungs on her.”

“That she does.” I toss him a glance over my

shoulder  as  I  pause  before  the  refrigerator.  “Try
being  woke  up  by  that  squeal  at  two  in  the
morning.” The minute I say it regret passes over his
face,  and  I  feel  awful  for  even  bringing  it  up.  “Do
you want to feed her?”

“Yeah.” Gone is that look of loss he held only

seconds ago and in its place is a smile of pure

excitement.  Never  did  I  ever  think  I’d  feel  turned
on by a man wanting to do nothing more than feed
his  infant  daughter,  but  I’m  proven  wrong.  Seeing
him  with  Isabelle  is  hell  on  my  strength  to  remain
nothing more than friends.

“We have apple, peach, or banana.”
“Bananas.” He reaches out for Isabelle and she

goes to him willingly. Seeing her in his arms is a
beautiful vision. I reach in the cabinet and grab the
bananas and a spoon before pointing toward the
highchair.

“Can’t I just hold her?”
“Depends,” I say with a laugh. “Do you want to

wear this?” I wiggle the small jar of food and it’s his
turn to laugh.

“Point taken.” He walks toward the chair and

after a very delicate maneuver he has her securely
strapped in. “Okay.” Jake rubs his hands together
eagerly as he looks over his shoulder at me. “What
now?”

It is time to break Daddy in, I think to myself. I

hold out the bananas and the spoon.

“Feed your daughter.” I notice immediately the

way  his  nostrils  flare  as  if  he  is  fighting  off  some
emotions  that  the  word  daughter  brought  out  in
him.  But  before  either  of  us  brings  it  up  he  grabs
both items from me and turns back to Isabelle.

“All right baby girl, let’s do this.”

Chapter Ten

AKE

“ I

THAT

…” Whitney reaches out and touches my

forehead before pulling her hand back to her. I
watch as she wrinkles her nose and sniffs whatever
it is she now has on her finger. “…bananas?”

Blair laughs from behind me and I toss her a

look I’m hoping reminds her I don’t want to talk
about it. Let’s just say it doesn’t.

“He fed Izzy her lunch.” Blair takes a step back

when I lunge for her. “He said he had it covered,
but the only thing that got covered was him. He
insisted on feeding her while holding her on his lap
after she refused to eat while strapped in her seat.”

Whitney snickers and Blair grabs for her

stomach  once  again  as  a  round  of  laughter  rips
through  her.  I  take  it  as  my  chance  to  attack  and
suddenly  she  is  tossed  up  over  my  shoulder,
squealing  and  wiggling  around  in  an  attempt  to
break free.

“Oh my god, put me down.”
“I thought I said we weren’t gonna talk about

it.”

“You said that,” she says breathlessly. “I didn’t

agree. Because it’s too funny not to share.”

“How the hell did you get banana on the back

of  your  arm,  Jake?”  I  look  back  over  my  shoulder
to  see  Whitney  staring  at  the  space  on  my  arm.  I
have  no  response  because  quite  frankly  I  don’t
have a fucking clue.

“Isabelle threw her spoon and when he turned

around to get it she squealed.” Blair’s body shakes
against my shoulder with deep laughter. “It was like
a fountain of banana’s heading right for him.”

I slap her ass and again she squeals, sounding

much like our daughter.

“Put me down, you Neanderthal.”
Not a fucking chance. This is the first time I’ve

felt this relaxed since I got to Iowa. There’s no way
I’m letting it go.

“I’m going to Trevor’s,” Whitney announces,

and I want to thank her for giving us more time
alone. Though I know she isn’t doing it as a favor
to me, I still feel thankful for the chance.

“Whitney,” Blair whines as she kicks her legs,

still attempting to wiggle free from my hold on her.

“Bye.”
I can hear the humor in her tone.
I begin walking toward the stairs that lead to the

upstairs bathroom and Blair places her hands
against my back, using them as leverage to look
where we are going.

“What are you doing?”
“I’m gonna clean this shit off myself,” I reply

without a second of hesitation. “Since I have it in
my hair, on my back and god knows where else,
I’m going to need a little help.”

She grows silent and I don’t question it.

Stepping in to the bathroom, I lower her feet to the
floor and look around for a rag. Finding a basket on
the stand behind the toilet, I grab one and hold it
out to Blair.

“Here,” I lean back against the vanity, “help.”
I ignore the way her hands shake as she reaches

past me to hold the rag beneath the water. I take
the time to breath in her scent, one I’ve missed
every day since she’s been gone.

When she stands tall once more and holds out

the now damp cloth, I shake my head and point
toward her instead. She hesitates; I already know
she’s questioning every second that has passed and
those coming next. Instead of letting her find some
way out of this, I place my hand over hers, guiding

it  to  my  forehead.  I  watch  her  closely,  her  gaze
connecting with mine instead of the spot she is now
dragging the wash cloth across. Without a second to
change my mind, I place my hands on her hips and
she  takes  in  a  deep  shuddering  breath.  I  know  we
are  alone,  our  daughter  fast  asleep  in  her  bed,
which only adds to the intimate feeling of this time
between us.

I allow my eyes to close when the cloth lowers

and skims over my cheek before touching the side
of my neck. She may not have meant for her touch
to leave me unsteady, but that is exactly what it
does.

“I’ve missed you,” I confess, opening my eyes

to find her staring back at me. “Missed the way I
feel when I’m with you.”

“Jake.” My name falls from her lips in a plea.
“No one has ever made me feel as whole as

you.  I  don’t  deserve  it,  Blair,  but  damn  it,  I  want
another  shot.”  I  can  already  see  her  retreating  as
she  lowers  her  hand.  “I  want  the  chance  to  show
you how good we could be together.”

“I can’t.”
My movements surprise her as I pull her body

against mine and she stops talking.

“Can’t or won’t?”
Tears pool in her eyes and she presses her lips

into a tight line, fearful, maybe, of what she might
say next. I lean in, my eyes locked with hers,

craving the feel of her lips on mine. Just as they’re
about to touch, her breath fanning out over my
mouth, she lowers her head.

“Both,” she whispers in response to the

question I’d asked only seconds ago.

“What’s stopping you?”
I feel her stepping back and a huge part of me

wants to hold her hips tighter, but instead I let her
gain the distance she needs.

“Every time I look at you I’m reminded of that

night.” Blairs confession slices through me. “I’m
reminded of the things he said to me, and the way
he touched me. It’s almost like I’m brought back to
that very minute, feeling dirty all over again.”

“God, no.” I reach out for her and she shrugs

away.

“I see you standing before me, but I hear the

echo of his threats.”

“He’s gone, Blair. They all are,” I regret not

pulling the trigger to end my brother. Prison isn’t a
harsh enough punishment.

“He’s not gone.” She lifts her hand to her head

and points just as a tear falls over her cheek. “He’s
in here, always in here. And when I look into your
eyes, even though I know you aren’t him, I’m
reminded of him.”

“Let me wash away those memories, please,” I

beg, feeling myself slipping beyond my control.
“Let me remind you of us, of who we were.”

“You can’t.” Blair shakes her head.
“Why?” I suddenly feel frantic as I think of my

chances with her being gone forever.

“Because those times, they were all a lie. We

were only playing a game, a fantasy. Those times
are gone.” It’s my turn to shake my head.

She backs away even more, bumping into the

wall  behind  her.  I  reach  out,  grip  the  back  of  her
neck  and  pull  her  in  to  me,  the  front  of  her  body
crashing  against  mine.  With  my  forehead  pressing
to  hers,  I  do  my  best  to  convey  what  I’m  feeling
without acting on the emotions racing through me.

“Nothing about my time with you, of who we

were together then, was a lie. That was me, and
everything I said to you, every touch I gave you,
that was me loving you.”

“No.” I ignore her attempt to deny it. “And I

still  love  you.  I  know  I  always  will.”  I  take  the
chance,  one  I  know  I  will  probably  regret,  and  I
cover  her  lips  with  my  own.  She  turns  her  head,
moving  her  mouth  away  from  mine  and  I  follow.
“Yes,” I kiss her once more and warmth fills me. “I
fucking love you, Blair, and I want this. I want my
family, please don’t deny me that. You and Isabelle
are my family, the only one I have and the only one
I want.”

She shudders against me when I press my lips to

hers once more. Placing one hand on the center of
her back I ensure she can’t escape. I need her to

understand me, to accept my feelings. The idea of
her rejection terrifies me.

“I don’t know if I can give you what you

want.”

Her words shatter me and I forgo the attempt at

kissing her and simply hold her in a desperate hug
instead.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. I don’t want her

apologies, I just want her love.

“ Y

LOOK

SHIT

MAN

.” I roll over in my hotel

bed  and  come  face  to  face  with  Farris.  The  guy
appears like he’s been dancing on clouds. I assume
it’s because he spent last night tucked safely in bed
with  Sadie.  My  guess  at  his  feelings  for  her  were
right.  The  guy  is  smitten.  I  think  he  loves  the  idea
that  she  needs  him  so  much;  he  likes  that  kind  of
shit.  Plus,  she  busts  his  balls  and  he  feeds  off  the
banter they share.

“Is there a reason why you’re standing over my

bed at,” I lean up and look at the clock at the side
of my bed, “seven in the morning?”

“Sadie said you need a friend.” He shrugs.

“Also because we need to talk.”

“About what?” I try to roll away and he only

places his hand on my shoulder to stop me.

“Your new job.” This gains my attention.

“Thought you’d be interested in knowing that just
yesterday I met one of your new superiors.”

“Dick?”
“Can be.” I wait for him to elaborate. “Real

hard ass, stickler for paperwork, follows the straight
path. Doesn’t care much for those in his command
thinking they can get something past him.”

“So he’s your clone.” I throw my arm up over

my face to block out the light of the room. It would
seem that I’ve hit an unlucky streak. First last night
with Blair and now this.

“Guy’s a real prick when things don’t go his

way.” He is loving the idea of me working for some
douche. “Good thing you know just how I prefer
shit to go, so we shouldn’t have any problem
working together.”

I take in a deep breath, thinking that maybe I

can convince Blair to move, knowing already there
is no way that will happen. Then Farris’ words
register in my mind.

I lift my arm, and peek up at him through

squinted eyes.

“Working together?” His smile widens. “You’re

my fucking superior?”

“It looks that way.”
“But…” I pause as I sit up on the bed and

shake my head in disbelief. He’s gotta be out of his
damn mind. “You took a job in Ankeny?” He nods.

“But you love being a detective in Chicago.”

“Yeah,” he sits down on the bed beside me,

“but  sometimes  you  gotta  make  hard  choices,  not
just  for  yourself  but  for  those  you  care  about.
You’re  here  and  there’s  that  woman  in  the  next
room,  too.  I  can’t  pretend  that  she  didn’t  take  my
heart with her when she left the city to come here
with you. She’s got me all bound up inside, I think
she has since the minute I found her hidden in her
apartment after she hit fucking rock bottom. I love
her, Jake.”

“Like I didn’t already know that.”
“So, she tells me that you’ve been struggling

with this woman of yours.”

“She’s not my woman,” I say in correction.

“She made that clear as glass last night.”

He chuckles and I look at him, wondering what

in the hell is so funny.

“You giving up, just like that?”
“What else am I supposed to do?”
“You fight her until she accepts the truth,” he

tells me, like it should be obvious to me.

“And what truth is that?”
“That you love her and your time is not over.

That her place is with you, her life is with you.” If
only convincing her was that easy. “I’ve seen you
so determined on something that nothing else
around you seems to phase you. I’ve watched you
take down men that share your blood and not once

did you break. This woman, she’s got you so
fucking tied up, that alone tells me all I need to
know.”

I look him dead in the eye, wondering what shit

he’s about to spout now.

“Your heart belongs with her and your

daughter.  You  deserve  the  family  they  took  from
you,  Jake.  Don’t  give  up  until  you  have  it.  Now
let’s  go  get  some  breakfast.  I  know  the  perfect
place.”

I should have said no, but I was living in a

fantasy as I got dressed and convinced myself that
somehow I could swoop into Spencer’s and show
Blair that her brushing me off last night was a
mistake.

I really should have thought things through a

little better.

Fifteen minutes later I’m sitting in a booth at

the restaurant where she works, and she is standing
in  the  doorway  that  I  believe  leads  back  to  the
kitchen.  She  is  glaring  at  the  table  where  I  sit  like
she’s seen the devil. Only it isn’t me that has made
her  so  angry,  at  least  not  until  I  rush  to  her  and
open  my  fucking  mouth,  only  driving  yet  another
wedge between us.

“What is she doing here?” Blair says as she

looks over my shoulder toward the table where not
only Farris sits, but Sadie sits too.

“She is the woman that came here with me.”

Blair pulls her attention from them and stares at me
with anger, and maybe disappointment. “She’s not
the same person you left in Chicago.”

“I left?”
“You know what I mean.” I try to ease through

this situation and I only manage to irritate her more
in the process.

“First off, we asked her to come with us. But

that  was  before  I  found  out  that  not  only  was  she
addicted  to  god  knows  what  kinds  of  drugs,  she’d
been screwing my ex-boyfriend to get those drugs.
Forgive  me  for  not  patting  her  on  the  back  and
telling her that her betrayal didn’t crush me.”

“Can we go somewhere and talk?”
“No, we can’t.” She doesn’t even attempt to

think it over. “I have a job to do and you have
company waiting for you. But just so we are clear,
she is not to be anywhere near my daughter.”

“Our daughter,” I correct her.
“Fight me on this.” She steps closer, her eyes

locking with mine. “It’s good to know where your
loyalty lies.”

“That’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair is that she has now managed to

wiggle her way into the bed of not one but two men
from my past.” Her insinuation pisses me off. “He
supplied her drugs and I guess you supply a roof
over her head.”

“I told you before and I’ll tell you again, she

and I are just friends.”

We stand face to face, glaring at each other as

we each refuse to back down.

“She doesn’t come anywhere near Isabelle.”
“But you can bring Shawn around her.”
“The only times he has ever met her was when

she was with Will. He and I went out once, that was
it. I’m not interested in him.”

“I believe you.” She narrows her eyes.

“Imagine that.” I don’t wait for her to respond
because I need some space of my own at this point.
If not, I’m going to end up doing something real
fucking stupid, like dragging her ass out of here and
locking her in a room until she has no other choice
but to face our demons.

All of them.

Chapter Eleven

LAIR

VERY

TIME

I exit the kitchen I refuse to look in

Jake  and  Sadie’s  direction.  How  can  he  bring  her
here?  How  can  he  think  that  after  everything  she
did  I  would  be  okay  with  this?  Like  I  could  just
forget the lies she told, the way she screwed Nate,
most likely while I was in the next room, as if it was
nothing.

I busy myself with my section. Thank god they

aren’t in it. I think had that been the case I would
have faked an illness or worse, quit.

“Break time,” Carol holds out her hand to me,

“give me your orders and take an extra five.”

“I’m fine.”

“It’s a good thing I’m not gullible. Now go.”
I hand her my pad, turn around and walk right

back  through  the  door  I  just  exited.  I  should  have
moved  to  some  foreign  country  and  changed  my
name, I swear. My past and all the things I want to
forget are showing up here to haunt me. I’m being
crazy,  I  know,  because  I  wouldn’t  take  back  the
fact that now Izzy has her daddy, but for one damn
day I want a drama free life.

I push open the back door and step out into the

alley,  breathing  in  the  warm  air.  There  is  a  small
grassy area where Wilber had a picnic table placed
just  beneath  a  small  awning  for  his  employees  to
escape  to  when  we  felt  the  need  to  get  out  on  our
breaks. I find my way over to it, sit down and rest
my  head  onto  my  arms  folded  before  me.  Closing
my  eyes  tightly,  I  try  to  see  the  good  in  what  is
happening.  Only  the  harder  I  analyze  it  the  more
irritated I become. He had so many chances to tell
me it was Sadie in the hotel room next to his, only
he left those details out.

“Blair.” My body freezes as I keep my head

down in attempt to hide my reaction. I can hear her
feet shuffling against the gravel of the alley. “I
didn’t come here to cause you any trouble.”

“Then why did you come?” I spin around to

face her and instantly notice how different she
looks. I think before I was blinded by my anger and
all I could see was the strung-out girl who had

betrayed me. Her hair is shorter now, bobbed in a
cute style that frames her face and her cheeks look
fuller, healthier even.

“I didn’t want to at first. I told Jake it would be

a  mistake  and  that  you’ve  already  been  through
enough.”  I  can’t  be  fooled  this  time  by  her
sincerity. It was all lies before, and I’ll give her this,
she  is  a  great  actress.  “He  showed  up  at  the  clinic
to  pick  me  up  with  my  things  already  packed  for
the trip.”

“The clinic?”
“Rehab. I spent an extensive amount of time in

and out of one treatment facility after another once
you and Whitney left.” She looks down and shame
fills her features. I’ve known her long enough to
recognize her need to settle herself. “Then Jake and
Lark found me—”

“Who’s Lark?”
“The guy inside with Jake. He calls him Farris,

Detective Farris maybe, but they’re all the same
person.”

I nod, giving her the go ahead to continue. I’m

not  sure  anything  she  says  will  make  me  hate  her
less,  but  I  feel  so  defeated  at  this  point  that  I
wonder  if  letting  her  get  it  all  out  will  just  make  it
all go away somehow.

“They found me in my apartment, hiding in a

corner, paranoid and strung out on whatever it was
the guy I’d just met in a bar had fed me. It was my

lowest  point  and  honestly,  in  that  moment  I  just
wished for it to end. I wanted to close my eyes and
never open them again.” I look down at the ground
before  us  as  I  will  the  tears  I  feel  pooling  in  my
eyes  to  go  away.  “I  don’t  want  your  pity  and  I
don’t expect your forgiveness.”

“Then what do you want, Sadie?”
“I just want you to know I was so far gone

during the time that I hurt you, that I don’t think I
could comprehend right from wrong. All I could see
was  my  chance  for  the  next  high  and  it  didn’t
matter who gave it to me, or what I had to do to get
it.  But  I  am  sorry  it  was  you  that  I  hurt  in  the
process,  because  you  never  deserved  that.  You
were  always  so  good  to  me,  you  and  Whitney
both.”

She takes in a deep shuddering breath as she

looks to her side.

“I guess I just came out here to tell you that

Jake and I have never been more than friends. He is
the person that forced me to see that I needed help
and then him and Lark made sure I got it. I don’t
want the things I did to you to come between what
the two of you could have.”

“He’s Isabelle’s father.” Her gaze finds mine

once more. “There is nothing else between us.”

“I think you know that’s not true, without me or

anyone else telling you so.”

“What I do know is that you willingly led me to

him,  you  helped  him  get  me  to  that  bar.  Then  you
played  along  while  he  pretended  to  have  feelings
for  me,  while  he  led  me  to  believe  that  I  was  safe
with  him.”  She  tries  to  speak  but  I  cut  her  off.
“Then  I  was  assaulted  outside  of  Miller’s  by  his
brother, while you were off getting high somewhere
and he was—”

“Getting the crap knocked out of him by his

father’s men as he tried to get to you.” Her abrupt
interruption  surprises  me.  “He  sat  in  a  dark  room,
staring  into  the  eyes  of  men  with  guns,  wondering
to  himself  if  he  could  survive  a  gunshot  long
enough to get to you and hide you someplace safe.
Even from the beginning all he ever wanted was to
make  sure  that  they  didn’t  get  to  you.  It  was  why
he took the job in the first place, so that he could be
with you and try to find the answers they needed.”

“And in the end, they still got to me.”
Sadie stares at me, my words hitting a place

deep inside her as she shifts the weight of her body
from one foot to the next.

“He’s not like them. I knew from the beginning

that he had the best intentions when it came to you.
It’s  why  I  helped  him.  I  was  trapped  in  Gabe’s
world,  I  knew  how  he  was.  Their  father  wanted
Gabe to go to you and not give in until he got what
they  wanted.”  Just  the  idea  of  that  makes  my
stomach  turn.  “Believe  me,  Gabe  doesn’t  play
nice.”

I watch her as she rubs at a space on her arm

and I can’t help but wonder how she knew those
words to be true.

“Why didn’t you just tell me, Sadie?” She could

have warned me. “All you had to do was warn me
of who they were, of what they were after.”

“Because if I did, neither of us would have

walked  away.”  The  depth  of  her  words  hits  me
hard.  “I’ve  witnessed  the  ramifications  of  crossing
the Gunthers. I may not have wanted to know, but
they made sure I understood what they could do if I
didn’t  cooperate.  As  hard  as  it  was  to  hide  the
truth,  it  was  even  harder  to  imagine  them  hurting
you.”

I shiver at the thought.
“I won’t ask for your forgiveness, but I will ask

that  you  not  punish  Jake  for  the  wrongs  of  his
family. He’s thought of the day he’d find you again
since you left him on the street that afternoon. No
matter  how  much  he  pushed,  I  never  told  him
where you’d gone. He found that out on his own.”
Friends in high places…I remember Warren telling
me  that  very  thing.  “All  he  wanted  then  was  you,
and all he wants now is you and Isabelle. He wants
his  family,  Blair,  because  the  two  of  you  are  the
only real one he’s ever had.”

Sadie doesn’t wait for me to argue or agree. She

doesn’t wait for me to tell her all the reasons why I
can’t give him what she’s asked. Instead she turns

and walks away, leaving me alone with my
thoughts, alone with my doubts and even my
regrets.

“ I

SHE

ASLEEP

?” I step into the living room and

look out the front window as I nod in response.
“Wanna talk about it?”

“What’s there to talk about?”
“Jake.” Just the sound of his name manages to

tie  the  knots  I  have  in  my  stomach  even  tighter.
“And  the  reasons  why  you  keep  insisting  that  you
don’t  feel  for  him  what  he  feels  for  you.  Or  how
about why you keep telling yourself that all he is to
you is the father of your child, a piece of your past
you left behind when we moved out of the city? Or
we  could  talk  about  the  fact  that  you  are  lying  to
yourself and it pisses me off.”

I turn around to face Whitney as she stares

back at me with the determination I only see when
she has reached her limits.

“For days, weeks even I have watched you

battle  this  thing  in  your  mind.  I’ve  watched  you
bury yourself with worry, fight what you truly want,
and I used to say that when we were in Chicago I’d
seen  you  at  you  saddest,  but  I  can’t  say  that
anymore.”  I  sit  on  the  chair  and  hang  my  head,

taking in one deep breath after another. “You’re
lost, Blair, because you are denying yourself
something I know in your heart you want.”

“I can’t forget—”
“Don’t forget,” she interrupts me, “but forgive.

He loves you and he loves Isabelle. I’m not saying
jump in head first without caution, but I am telling
you  to  stop  holding  onto  the  past.  He  is  here,  and
his entire family is in prison because he stopped at
nothing  to  ensure  they  ended  up  there.  My  god,
Blair, he became a cop in the end. He is a good guy.
You  have  to  stop  punishing  him  and  yourself  for
what took place. He is here for you and for Iz. Give
the  guy  a  chance  to  prove  to  you  that  he  isn’t  the
man we both imagined him to be.”

“I’m scared.” The confession makes my throat

burn with emotions I keep fighting.

“I know.” Whitney stands and moves toward

me as she kneels on the floor in front of my chair.
“I just think you’ve lost enough already. Why lose
this chance at happiness too?”

Chapter Twelve

AKE

“ I

DOESN

’

SEEM

to matter what angle I go at, she

finds  just  one  more  excuse  as  to  why  it  won’t
work.”  I  can  feel  my  mind  grow  hazy,  my  body
experiencing  alcohol-induced  tingles.  “I  tell  her  I
love her, she says I remind her of those dark times
in  Chicago.  I  tell  her  I  need  her,  both  her  and
Isabelle  in  my  life,  she  tells  me  she  can’t  give  me
what I need.”

“Sadie told me I was too good for her,” Farris

interjects, pulling me out of my self-pity filled
cloud. “So I showed her all the ways I could be
bad.”

“I don’t need a recap, man.” I lift my beer to

take another swig and hear him chuckle. “The walls
are thin, you bastard. I don’t need you adding any
visuals to what I’ve already heard.”

I hear a car door closing and lie my head back

against the lounger. We probably shouldn’t be
sitting outside near the outdoor pool, downing one
beer after another, but at this point I need it. I want
to wash away the ache I feel inside me, if even only
for a few hours.

“That woman looks familiar.”
I lift my head and the area around me does a

little waving motion as it tries to catch up.

“Fuck, I think I drank one too many.” I laugh at

myself as I grip the arm of the chair and try to
focus.

“Isn’t that your girl’s friend?” I am finally able

to see Farris clearly, and he is looking off toward
the parking lot.

“What?” I try to lean forward, and fall a little

too far as I place my hand on the ground before me
to keep from face planting against the concrete pad
that surrounds the pool. It most definitely was not a
smart idea to get blitzed near a swimming pool.

By this time Farris is out of his chair and

walking toward the front entrance of the hotel. I
think about following him, but decide to stay put.
Going for a midnight dunk doesn’t sound good.

“Hey.” Farris’ voice echoes across the open

space. He waves his arms in the air and it’s then I

see what he was talking about. Whitney rushes
toward the fenced area that surrounds the pool. Her
face is still a blur as I try to blink past the haze. Still
wearing her pajamas, she leans against the fence,
taking in a deep, calming breath.

“Don’t you believe in answering your phone?”

Instantly I reach for my back pocket and find it
empty. “I’ve been calling you. Blair’s been blowing
up your phone too.”

“What’s wrong?” I stand and wobble on my

feet, kicking the chair and practically tripping over
the leg.

“Great, you’re drunk.” She throws her hands up

in the air and I’m thrown back to the time in
Chicago when she went off on me in the hallway
outside her apartment. “Just forget it.”

When she spins on her heels and starts walking

back toward the parking lot, I force my legs to
move. “What’s wrong, Whit?”

“Call in the morning when you’re sober enough

to comprehend and I’ll fill you in.”

“No.” I reach the fence and try my damnedest

to open the gate, cursing the latch that I’m sure had
I been sober I wouldn’t be having so much trouble
opening.  “Will  you  wait  a  damn  minute?”  I  look
over  at  Farris  who  is  watching  me  with  a  puzzled
look on his face. “Open this fucking thing, will ya?”
He  chuckles  before  reaching  out  and  lifting  the
lever, causing the gate to swing open.

“Fucking smartass,” I mumble as I jog, okay, it

is more like a stumble, toward Whitney with Farris
hot on my heels.

“You came here for a purpose, so tell me.”
Whitney lets out a huff of breath, placing her

hands  on  her  hips.  “Your  daughter  is  running  a
hundred  and  three  temp.”  An  alarmed  feeling  hits
me. “Blair took her to the emergency room and she
thought  maybe  you  would  want  to  be  there  too.
Actually, I think more than anything, she needs you
to be there.”

Well, kick me in the fucking nuts, why don’t ya.
“Let’s go.” I take a step toward her car and she

places her hand against my chest.

“You are not going anywhere near the hospital

like  this,”  she  waves  her  hand  over  the  vicinity  of
my  chest.  “You  need  to  drink  some  coffee,  water,
hell I don’t know. But when you can actually walk
a  straight  line  without  assistance,  then  you  come
and be with Blair and your daughter.”

A huge part of me wants to argue with her, but I

know she is right.

“Come on.” I feel a tug on my arm and the

action makes me stumble once more. “Let’s get
you sobered up.” I allow Farris to drag me toward
the front of the hotel, but just before we step inside
I holler out for Whitney.

“Hey!” She is standing near her car, and it

appears she is texting someone. She looks up and

simply stares at me. “Can you tell her that I’ll be
there soon?”

“Yeah.” She waves her hand in the air in the

dramatic fashion that only Whitney herself has
mastered. “I got this, now get your ass straightened
up because your girls need you.”

My girls. I love the sound of that.
“I need them too.” That is an understatement. I

want them so badly that I can’t seem to focus on
anything other than that need.

HOURS

later and a whole helluva lot of coffee,

I stand outside the door that leads to the room my
daughter is in. It’s quiet, the halls scarce of
movement. It is after three in the morning and
though I wanted to be here sooner, Whit was right.
I couldn’t show up in the condition she’d found me
in.

I lean in a little closer to the door, listening for

any indication they are awake. When I’m met with
nothing but silence I slowly push open the door and
peek inside. In a crib that looks more like a cage,
Isabelle is curled up, snuggled in a blanket. Call it a
protective nature, or whatever, but I don’t like that
she was pinned inside the fucked up looking
contraption. I fight the urge inside me to walk over

and figure out how to get her out of there. I’d spend
all day and night holding her if it meant she wasn’t
stuck in there.

“Hi.” A soft whisper breaks through my

irritated state, and the second I see Blair curled up
on a leather recliner I move toward her without a
second to reconsider. Her eyes widen just a fraction
when I kneel next to her and reach out to hug her
close.

“Is she okay?”
“Viral infection.” I release my tight hold on her,

but keep my hands on her legs that are tucked up in
front of her. “She’s dehydrated because I can’t get
her to drink anything. Her fever didn’t help either.”

I look over toward Izzy when I hear the rustling

sounds of her movements.

“They just want to keep her overnight, get some

fluids in her.” I nod, still watching my daughter
closely. “If her fever stays down then she may get
to go home tomorrow.”

“Sorry I wasn’t here.” Add my absence to the

long list of fuckups I’ve managed to accomplish
with Blair and now Isabelle.

“It’s okay.”
“No.” I look away from Isabelle and find Blair

watching  me  closely.  “It’s  not.  I  picked  the  wrong
night  to  take  a  trip  down  pity  lane.”  She  tilts  her
head  to  the  side  but  says  nothing.  “Wanting
something so fucking bad, but being unable to take

it, its killer.”

She looks like she wants to say something, but I

don’t give her a chance to.

“Do you mind if I stay?”
“Depends,” a smile tugs at the corner of her

mouth as she looks down at the chair she’s in, “do
you think we can both fit in this chair?” I do my
best not to convey the excitement I feel inside from
the idea of being close to her. But damn, I feel that
shit down deep.

“How about you get up and let me take your

spot? Then you can curl up in my lap.” Again that
smile pulls at her lips, and I wonder for a second if
maybe I pushed when I shouldn’t have. Then she
slowly stands, my hands falling away at her
movements.

When she places one hand on each of my

shoulders  and  looks  down  at  me,  I  feel  my  heart
race.  “I’m  trying  to  remember  the  man  you  were,
the  guy  from  my  apartment  who  made  me  feel
safe.”

I close my eyes and take in a deep breath.
“Maybe you can help me.”
I nod because there isn’t one thing I want more.
“I can’t make any promises, Jake, but I’m

willing to try.”

She weakens me, and I feel it in my chest.
I open my eyes and find her watching me with

softness in hers, a look I recognize from our times

together. It’s the way she would look at me just
before I’d kiss her.

“We’ll take things one day at a time. As long as

I have you and Isabelle, I don’t care how long it
takes. I want both of you, more than I’ve ever
wanted anything in my life.”

Blair surprises me as she slouches just enough

to press a soft kiss to my lips. One that ends much
too fast, but says a million unspoken words.

Chapter Thirteen

LAIR

“ G

OOD

MORNING

YUMMINESS

.”

I peek through the hair that has fallen free from

my ponytail to find Marcy and Whitney standing in
the doorway of Isabelle’s hospital room.

“Hang on, don’t move.” Marcy starts to dig

through  her  bag.  “I  need  to  capture  this.  One,
because  it  is  the  sweetest  thing  ever  and  two,
because  I  wanna  know  why  Will  never  holds  me
like that.”

I feel Jake shift beneath me and look to my left

to find him smiling even though his eyes are still
closed.

“I probably shouldn’t say it’s because I love

you more, should I?”

I nudge him in the stomach with my elbow and

he lets out an umph sound followed by a deep
chuckle. I won’t mention the fact that the way he is
shifting beneath me is doing nothing to hide his
morning excitement. It is currently poking me in the
hip, making it really hard to focus on the two ladies
in front of us who are still watching us close.

“I’d ask how last night went, but from the looks

of it I’d say it went well.” Whitney chimes in,
arching her brow and doing nothing to hide the
amusement from her face.

“She slept really well once the medicine kicked

in.”

“Not what I was talking about,” Whitney

mumbles while walking past us to the crib. “But
that is good to know, too.”

I don’t want to move; being snuggled against

Jake feels nice. More than nice, actually. Though I
slept  with  very  little  room  to  move  or  stretch  out,
I’d  slept  better  than  I  had  in  a  long  time.  His
warmth  is  comforting  and  had  we  not  just  gotten
company, I think I would have stayed just where I
am. But it is time to get up.

I am trying to take Whitney’s advice and

forgive the past. I want to believe more than
anything that Jake and I have something even if it is
surrounded by lies. I owe it to myself and to our
daughter to give our little family a true shot.

Isabelle looks up at all of us as we look at her

through  the  side  of  the  crib.  I  laugh,  remembering
the  comment  Jake  made  about  his  daughter  being
caged  like  some  wild  animal.  When  I  look  to  my
left  to  see  him  smiling  back  at  me,  I  know  he’s
thinking the same thing.

When Izzy starts kicking her legs and her lower

lip  puckers  out,  I  feel  an  overwhelming  urge  to
snatch her up and comfort her. Only I don’t get that
chance.  It’s  Daddy  to  the  rescue.  He  moves  faster
than I think any of us expect as he grips the edge of
the  railing,  lowers  it,  and  within  seconds  my  little
butterball is curled up in her daddy’s arms.

My heart is so full. Tears spring to my eyes and

I place my palm to my chest, trying to contain the
ache that now lies there.

“It’s okay, baby,” he consoles her, “shh.” Jake

sways from side to side, patting her lower back
softly just as I had directed him to once before.

“Wow,” Marcy sighs, and Whitney just stares at

Jake like she’s seeing a unicorn in real life or
something. Her look is one of shock and
amazement.

When Isabelle lays her head on his shoulder

and with her little hand fists his shirt, he kisses her
head  and  a  single  tear  falls  over  my  cheek.  This
right  there,  this  exchange  has  got  to  be  most
precious  one  I  have  ever  seen  before.  Perfection,
absolutely  without  a  doubt  in  my  mind,  something

that will be etched in my memory for the rest of my
life.

Jake looks up at me through his lashes that are

too  gorgeous  for  any  man  to  be  blessed  with  and
grins.  Like  he  read  my  mind,  he  winks  then  closes
his  eyes,  taking  in  every  millisecond  our  daughter
remains in his arms.

“ I

’

SMALL

,” Jake says as he runs his hand

through his hair and turns in a complete circle in
the middle of what is supposed to be a living room.

“No,” I correct him as I shift Isabelle on my

hip,  getting  a  more  secure  grasp  of  her  wiggling
body.  “It’s  super  tiny.”  Ten  steps  and  I  am  across
his  living  room,  standing  in  his  kitchen.  “Can  you
even fit a couch in there?” I point toward the space
where  I’d  just  stood  and  see  his  eyebrows  crinkle.
A few seconds pass before he nods, moves his lips
as if counting and then locks his eyes with mine.

“Nope,” he chuckles. “A chair, maybe, but

definitely not a couch. I want to be close to you
and Isabelle, though, and this is all I can find.”

I think it is sweet that he is willing to live in a

tiny space just to be near us. But this is just
ridiculous.

“What about Sadie?” She’s a topic neither of us

have really discussed since the morning at
Spencer’s but I have to ask.”

“Farris got a place across town and she’s

moving  in  with  him.”  Again  he  looks  around  the
small  apartment  letting  the  topic  fade  quickly.  “I
did measure the bedroom and I’ll be able to have a
full  size  bed  in  there,  so  that’s  a  plus.”  I  have  to
laugh  at  him  because  he  was  really  doing  his  very
best to find the good in this dreadful situation.

“Can you fit a crib in there?”
He pauses, looking toward the bedroom before

back to me once more. His hand goes up toward his
hair once more, and this time he actually scratches
his head like he is deep in thought.

“Is it weird to put a crib in the hallway?”
“You are not taking this place.” I shake my

head, spinning around to walk toward the front
door.

“Wait? What?” Before I can open it, he is

blocking me as he leans against the front door with
his back. “Why?”

“Because it’s no bigger than my closet and

Whitney’s combined. It’s ridiculous.”

“You’re kind of cute when you get all worked

up.” Isabelle squeals, but Jake still stares at me.
“And besides, if things go the way I hope they will,
one day the three of us will be looking for a bigger,
more permanent place.”

When he cups the back of my neck with his

palm and brings his face even closer I feel my heart
rate spike.

Of course, Izzy has to be a part of it all too and

picks that moment to tap at the side of Jake’s face
and tug happily on my hair.

“I think she likes that idea.” He chooses to

ignore  her  overly  excited  reaction  and  gently
brushes  his  lips  over  mine.  “Besides,  having  a
smaller  place  means  that  the  three  of  us  have  no
other  choice  but  to  remain  as  close  as  we  possibly
can whenever we’re here.”

Smooth.
I smile against his lips and he decides at that

moment  to  kiss  me.  I’ve  never  had  a  problem
getting  lost  in  Jake  whenever  he’s  being  all  suave
and sweet. When he kisses me, it’s kind of like my
head  feels  as  though  it  can’t  comprehend  a  single
thing but the way his lips feel against my own.

“I already signed the six-month lease anyway,

so I’m stuck.” Of course he did, bringing us here
had nothing to do with getting my opinion. “I say
we order takeout and crash on an air mattress with
our girl.” Oh, the simple things.

“What makes you think I want to spend the

night?”

“A guy can hope.” This right here, this relaxed,

playful  tone,  it’s  what  I  loved  most  about  the  time
we  shared  before.  Jake  gave  me  the  best  sense  of
security  and  being  here  with  him  reminds  me  that

the guy I knew in the city is still the man with me
now. The difference is we don’t have that dark
cloud called his family hanging over our heads any
longer. This time we are free.

“You gotta a pump for that air mattress?”
“I love when you talk dirty to me.” I push

against his chest and he grips my hips. Izzy yanks
my hair a little harder, and I do my best to untangle
her fingers from the matted mess she’s created.

“I do think that we should get the Pack ’n Play

from my house for Izzy, though.” I don’t look at
him because I’m fearful I’ll lose my courage.
“She’s a wiggler when she sleeps.”

“Is that the only reason?” My eyes flutter as he

kisses over my cheek and moves toward my ear.
“Or is it something else?”

“It is strictly for our safety.” I sigh when his lips

close over my earlobe and gently suck. “I wouldn’t
want her to keep you up all night kicking and—”
The words fade away.

“I would much rather you keep me up all

night.”

Yes, mmhmm, that sounds good to me too.

Chapter Fourteen

AKE

CRAWL

OVER

HER

BODY

, careful not to move too

fast.  Air  mattresses  fucking  suck  when  you  are
trying  to  be  gentle.  The  fact  that  with  every
movement Blair is shifting from side to side would
have  made  me  laugh  had  she  been  wearing
anything  more  than  a  tight  tank  top  and  barely-
there panties.

My head is fucking spinning.
I look up toward the Pack ’n Play where

Isabelle is sleeping soundly just as I lower myself
over Blair.

“She’ll sleep through just about anything.”
Good because the last thing I want is for

anything to interrupt what is about to take place.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I whisper in the

darkness,  kissing  along  her  jaw.  Her  neck  arches
back,  opening  herself  to  me,  and  her  body  presses
upward  into  mine.  “Missed  touching  you  and
holding  you.”  My  hands  tremble  with  the  strong
need to break through this reserve I’m desperately
trying  to  hang  onto.  I  feel  like  at  any  minute  the
crazy needy fucker inside me is going to break free
and  this  time  between  us  is  going  to  be  over  too
fast.

“Missed you too.”
I pause, looking down at her as her eyes meet

mine.  Her  legs  part,  fitting  perfectly  to  the  outside
of  my  hips  as  I  settle  in  to  the  space  between.
When she hooks her legs together behind my lower
back I can’t stop myself from shifting forward. I am
so hard it hurts, but that has always been the issue
with  Blair.  My  body  always  reacts  to  her,  whether
she  is  as  she  is  now,  or  fully  clothed.  There  is  this
deep pull I feel toward her, this connection I can’t
fight.

She toys with the hair at the back of my neck

with her fingers and uses her grasp to pull me
closer.

“Kiss me,” she demands, and I give her what

she wants. A slow kiss at first, but she quickly takes
more, gliding her tongue over my lower lip.
Together we rock our hips while we express with

our mouth the same motion, like a prequel of
what’s to come.

Her nipples bead beneath the thin material of

her shirt and as she rocks against me they continue
to tease. I want to taste them, toy with them, sliding
my tongue over the hard pebble. Taking my time, I
skim  over  her  side  with  the  tips  of  my  finger  as  I
continue  to  kiss  her.  Slipping  beneath  the  hem  of
her  shirt,  I  slowly  start  to  lift  until  the  palm  of  my
hand is laying flat over her. Her elated breaths give
me the confirmation I need to continue. She wants
this as desperately as I do.

There are still times when this feels like a

dream, her and me, here together. I’d reached the
point where I thought I’d never get the chance to
touch her again, but now here we are. I feel like the
luckiest man alive.

Careful to remain calmer than I feel inside, I

start sliding my hand upward until I cup her breast.
I use my thumb to toy with the hardened peak. She
gasps into our kiss when I pinch softly and tweak
gently.

“Yes,” she whispers into our kiss before diving

in once more, harder this time and more desperate.
“Don’t stop.” I had to smile because I was just
thinking the same thing in my mind. There was no
way I could stop.

Kissing down the side of her neck and along her

now exposed chest, I find her nipple and bite

delicately. She doesn’t wait before she too begins to
explore. She dives her hand beneath the band of my
boxers, takes me into her hand, and fists me firmly.
Careful to go slow, she begins to slide up and down
over me and a moan falls from my lips which seems
to please her.

“Slow,” I tell her, and immediately she begins to

shake her head. The movements of her fist grower
faster and tighter. Jesus, she is trying to torture me.

I notice with her other hand she is tugging at the

side of her panties and I lift my hips just enough to
look down between us.

“I need more.” She is hurrying to get them out

of the way and I’m hypnotized by her movements
and desperation for me.

Suddenly, there she lies beneath me, bare and

waiting, still gripping my cock tight.

Reaching above her head I grab the condom I

placed  there  and  hold  it  to  my  mouth.  Carefully  I
tear open the package and with skill I didn’t know I
still  possessed  I  sheath  myself.  My  boxers  remain
halfway down my thighs and had I been attempting
to be suave I would have moved them. Only at this
point there is a desperation between us that neither
of  us  had  any  hope  of  containing.  We  need  the
connection, it is a have to have, a must.

Feeling her against me so warm and ready

drives me wild. With each shift of her hips she
manages to glide over my shaft and my legs shake

as adrenaline courses through me.

“I need you.” Blair looks up at me and places

her hands against my chest. “Make everything else
disappear.”

I understand what she means; there are so many

things that still flow between us and this is our time
to erase them. Our chance to reconnect and
remember who we are.

Us.
I pull my hips back, lining myself up and gently

shift forward as I enter her slowly. Together we
moan, feeling the way her body hugs me so tight.

Our movements quicken with each stroke, her

head thrown back, her tits thrust upward against my
own chest. The sweet satisfied look on her face is
enough to make me lose my mind.

Her hips quickly shift beneath me as if she is

chasing  something,  in  desperate  need  of  it.  She
grips  my  shoulders  with  her  hands,  her  nails  biting
into  my  flesh,  and  still  all  I  can  see  is  her.  I’m  so
lost in her.

“Perfect.”
I notice instantly the way she closes her eyes

tightly and turns her head from me. There is still a
resistance between us that I hate, but understand.
She wants to trust me completely, I just have to
ensure she has no reason not too.

“I love you, Blair,” I whisper against her temple

as I continue to move inside her. “I’m so in love

with you.”

The tremble of her lower lip makes my chest

feel as though it is being squeezed unbelievably
tight.

I’ll tell her this a million times until she feels the

depth of my feelings for her. I don’t take offense
that she has yet to say it in return. We’ll get there, I
know we will. We have already come so far. I also
know that she loves me; I can see that love in her
eyes when she looks at me. She tries to hide it, tries
to remain strong, but it’s there.

Blair is my solace, she is my version of heaven.

I’ll wait for her, no matter how long it takes.
Because she is worth it. My little girl, my little
family, it is all worth it.

SIT

in my patrol car along the side of Mason’s

gym. I have the perfect view of the intersection. It
is also a good place to hide. One by one I watch the
cars slow to a stop then drive through once again.

I’ve been on shift over four hours already and

from  the  very  second  I  closed  the  door  to  Blair’s
apartment  after  stopping  in  to  see  both  her  and
Isabelle, I’ve felt their absence. Still almost a month
later  I’m  amazed  by  the  fact  that  I’m  a  father.  It
still  seems  unreal.  I  have  a  daughter.  Then  there’s

the  woman  who  gave  me  that  gift.  I  came  to  this
town  thinking  there  was  no  possible  way  I  could
love Blair more than I already did. But the moment
I  saw  her,  holding  our  daughter,  I  knew  I’d  been
mistaken. I was so wrong.

They’ve both became my world, and the reason

for my existence. Adore, cherish, those words don’t
even compare to what I feel for the two of them.

The sound of a horn blaring pulls me from my

day dream of my girls just in time to look up and
see a crash take place in the center of the
intersection before me. With a flip of the lights I lift
my radio and call in the accident. Easing forward, I
block the oncoming lane of traffic with my car and
place it in park.

By then the passengers of those cars around

have  gotten  out  and  are  moving  around  franticly.
“That  truck  didn’t  even  stop.”  One  lady  begins  to
run in my direction, her arms flailing around as she
points  to  the  silver  car  only  a  few  feet  away.  “He
ran  right  through  it  and  hit  that  poor  girl  in  the
side.”

“I’ll need you to fill out a statement, ma’am,

but for now I need you to remain calm. Go wait by
your vehicle, please.”

I leave the woman standing alone as I walk

toward the two vehicles involved in the accident.
Assessing the situation, I find the man in the truck
holding his shoulder and whining in pain.

“Sir…” He looks over at me and instantly I

smell the alcohol on his breath. The man is so
intoxicated I think he is sweating booze. “I need
you to remain in your vehicle.” He nods though it is
more of a roll as his head bobs to the side.

Quickly I move toward the silver SUV that has

been shoved across the intersection and into a pole.
Looking  in  through  the  back  window,  my  heart
feels  like  it  literally  stops  beating.  I’ve  seen  that
pink fabric before. The blanket that now lies on the
floor is the very blanket I wrapped around Isabelle
when  I  leaned  over  her  crib  just  this  morning  to
give her a soft kiss goodbye.

A loud cry fills the car as Marcy, who has now

begun to stir looks toward the back seat. “Oh my
god,” she cries and continues to tug on her seat
belt. Her reaction seems to give me the boost I need
to move into action.

The sounds of sirens, both police and

ambulance, ring throughout the area. A horn sounds
just as the people who have gathered part and
another patrol car followed by the EMT’s pulls in
closer to the accident.

“Marcy, I need you to remain still.” I reach in

and hit the unlock button on the inside of her door.
Reaching out I place my hand on hers. “We don’t
know the extent of your injuries yet, so I need you
to stay put.”

“The kids…” She begins to shake, still trying to

twist in her seat.

“I know.” I try to assure her everything is okay,

but on the inside I feel as though I am dying.

When the EMT steps up to the car, I slowly

back  away  and  reach  for  the  handle  on  the  rear
door.  I  let  them  look  at  her  while  I  look  in  on  the
kids.  Matthew’s  head  is  moving  around  franticly,
his eyes wide in fear almost like he is to terrified to
cry, speak, or even move.

Next to him, in her own car seat, lies Isabelle.

Little  specks  of  blood  cover  her  along  the  side  of
her  face  and  onto  her  arm  and  leg.  The  passenger
window  shattered  from  the  impact  to  the  pole  and
the  shards  came  in  from  her  side,  blowing  across
both  of  them.  Matthew  also  had  little  speckles  of
red over his cheek.

“It’s okay,” I tell Marcy, though I still don’t

know for sure.

“Two kids,” I say to the EMT who is now

looking back at me from the front seat. “One boy,
three years old, and one girl, just over six months
old.” The woman watches me with a confused look
on her face. “The little girl is my daughter.”

I’ve only felt this helpless once before in my

life.  It  was  a  night  I  know  still  haunts  Blair  and
brings  on  an  anger  inside  me  that  can  only  be
classified  as  dangerous.  Isabelle  turns  her  head
from side to side as if suddenly becoming aware of
her  surroundings,  and  begins  to  scream  more  than

the small whimpers that she expressed seconds ago.
It isn't her happy squeal, the one I’ve heard often
and still makes me smile each time. This one is the
kind of scream that cuts right through a father, a
dad who wants nothing more than to grab her hand
and hold her close, assuring her everything is okay.
Fuck I feel like I am dying inside.

“We need to get them out, sir.” I look up again

to the EMT as she nods in my direction. I look over
my shoulder and see the man standing behind me
wearing the same shirt she is.

It is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to

do, but I step back and let them do their jobs. First
Matthew is removed and passed to the waiting
paramedic. By this time Marcy is already strapped
to a gurney and on her way to the ambulance. She
is still frantic as she tries to turn enough to see the
kids.

“I’m with them,” I tell her, hoping she can relax

enough to be loaded up and get the help she needs.
She is a mess, blood running from the side of her
head and unable to move her arm. She needs to go.
“I won’t leave them, I promise.”

Though she is reluctant she finally gives in and

is loaded into the back of the ambulance.

A familiar cry shatters my heart once more

when I see Isabelle being lifted out of her car seat
and held against the paramedic’s chest. Without
being able to stop myself, I move toward the two

kids who are being assessed.

“Jake?” Farris steps up to my side and places

his hand on my shoulder.

“Iz.” It’s all I can get out before my throat feels

like it is closing so tight it is hard to breathe My
head is growing hazy, my gaze locked on her.

She is flailing around, her head twisting in my

direction no matter which angle they hold her in.
She wants me and damn it, I want her too.

Matthew stands next to the female paramedic,

toying with her stethoscope that hangs around her
neck. The side of his face shines with antiseptic
that has now been placed on the small little cuts on
his face.

“Looks like besides a few cuts from the glass

that was blown in on them during impact, these two
are pretty lucky.”

I hear a loud shuffle, someone hollering

incoherently,  and  I  lift  my  gaze  just  in  time  to  see
an officer placing the driver of the other vehicle in
the  back  of  another  ambulance.  Remaining  in
control of the rage I feel toward this drunk prick is
hard  to  manage.  It  is  my  job  to  remain  calm,  but
that  fucker  just  blew  through  a  stop  sign  and  hit
three people who mean something to me.

“He’ll be checked out at the hospital, then once

he’s clear we’ll do our part.” I don’t look away
from the man, but nod in understanding of Farris’
words. “The kids will have to go to the hospital too,

just to be sure.”

I look back toward Isabelle just as she reaches

out  for  me.  I  don’t  hesitate  as  I  pull  her  into  my
chest  and  kiss  her  head,  breathing  in  her  sweet
baby  scent.  Her  soft  whimpers,  the  way  she
continues  to  take  in  one  shuddering  breath  after
another, only weaken me further.

Her tears, just as her momma’s, gut me.
“I need to call Blair.” Isabelle lays her head on

my shoulder.

“Okay, Daddy.” Farris reaches out to touch

Izzy’s cheek. “You go with the kids, I got the car.
I’ll follow you over and call Blair and Will.”

Chapter Fifteen

LAIR

“ S

’

GONNA

NEED

SURGERY

.”

I lean into Jake’s side and place my hand onto

Isabelle’s back. My throat still feels completely raw
from the emotional roller coaster we’ve been on
over the last couple of hours. She’s laying with her
head on her daddy’s chest, sleeping soundly, as she
has been since I arrived.

The phone call that came in from Lark was one

of the scariest phone calls I have ever received; my
heart  is  still  racing.  To  be  honest  I  don’t  even
remember the drive to the hospital. I just remember
Wilber  tucking  me  into  the  front  seat  of  his  old
pickup  truck  and  telling  me  that  everything  would

be okay.

“Marcy has what is referred to as a fractured

head of the humerus. In most cases surgery is not
needed for treatment, but in hers it is.”

Everyone stands around listening to the doctor

tell us about Marcy’s injuries. All I can see is Will
and Matthew. He stands holding his son securely in
his arms as his hands shake, his eyes red from fear
and I’m sure from the tears he shed on the way
over here. My heart is breaking for them.

“She has a dislocated fracture in which the

humeral  head  shifted  from  the  shoulder  socket.”  I
can’t even begin to imagine the pain she must have
gone  through.  “She  also  has  stitches  along  her
hairline  on  the  left  side,  we  presume  from  the
impact to the window. That head injury we will be
monitoring  closely.  When  she  came  in  she  was
showing  signs  of  disorientation  which  can  be  a
concern.”

“Is she awake now?” Will asks and the sadness

and worry in his voice is hard to bear. “Can we see
her?”

“We did have to give her a sedative.” I

immediately pick up on the defeated slump of
Will’s shoulders. “There is also the matter of her
dislocated hip.”

Oh my god!
“She was in a lot of pain and we felt the need to

make her as comfortable as possible. She was

worried for the children and had grown quite
agitated when she realized we couldn’t allow her to
get up and go to them. The adrenaline began to
wear off, I do believe, and that is when the extent
of her injuries and the pain became very evident to
her.”

Will simply nods as the doctor tells him that

they will take care of his wife. He looks so lost, like
his world has just crumpled in around him. Once
the doctor excuses himself, Will wanders over to a
chair in the far corner and holds his son tightly. He
buries his face against his little boy’s shoulder and
his body begins to shake as he does his best to hide
his sobs. Suddenly Isabelle is in my arms and Jake
is moving toward Will with purpose.

Everyone stands back and watches as he kneels

before Will and begins talking to him in a low tone
none of us can hear. Will nods, Matthew reaches
out and touches the collar of the uniform shirt Jake
is still wearing. The entire scene seems so surreal
and overwhelming.

“I was wrong about him.” Warren steps up to

my  side  and  bumps  his  shoulder  against  my  own.
“He’s a good guy, Blair. Nothing like the family he
came  from.  He’s  got  a  good  heart,  and  we  all  see
the way he looks at you. The way he protects both
you and Isabelle. You should have seen him when I
first  got  here,  how  careful  he  was  with  Iz  even
though  the  doctors  had  assured  him  at  least  half  a

dozen times she was okay.” My chest feels like it’s
on fire, as I take in a deep calming breath. “Give
him a second chance, because I guarantee he won’t
need another one.”

Looking to my left I see that Whitney and her

father  are  nodding  in  agreement.  I  smile  at  the
family  who  accepted  me  without  pause  as  one  of
their  own.  They  love  me  truly  and  unconditionally
and  I  know  they’re  right.  Jake  does  love  me  and
Isabelle, so fiercely that I have no doubt he will do
anything for either of us.

When Jake stands and places his hand on Will’s

shoulder, offering him a squeeze, Will looks up at
him and I can see the words he mouths. Thank you,
brother. My heart soars, the floor rocks beneath
me, and I know that Jake has been accepted as part
of the Flannigan family too. He’s part of my family,
our family.

Jake turns around and begins walking back

toward me, then pauses. It has to be from the way
I’m  now  looking  at  him,  like  he  hung  the  moon.
Because  in  that  very  second,  I  feel  as  though  he
does.  He  rocked  my  world  a  year  ago  and  though
the ground beneath us shattered and I lost hope, he
managed  to  find  me  and  give  me  that  foundation
once more. He swept in and refused to let go of the
hope  he  had  that  we  would  once  again  be  an  us.
Now  we  are,  only  this  time  we’re  even  better
because  we  have  a  sweet  little  girl  who  shares  our

love too. She is the tie that binds us, the reminder
of what we are and what we can be.

A smile tugs at his lips and suddenly my feet are

moving as I cross the waiting room and stop only a
few inches from him.

“I love you.” The words fall from my lips

without a second of hesitation and his eyes widen
just a fraction, I’m sure in surprise. “I’m sorry I
didn’t say it before. I think I was—”

Cupping the back of my neck, he pulls me to

him and kisses me, while holding our daughter
between us securely.

“It’s okay,” he whispers before kissing me once

again. “Just so you know, I would have waited a
lifetime to hear those words, but I’m glad I didn’t
have to. Nothing has ever sounded sweeter.”

FEEL

my body shift as the bed dips behind me. I

was  lost  in  a  deep  sleep,  dreaming  of  Jake  and
Isabelle  playing  while  she  laughs  at  her  daddy’s
crazy  antics.  The  two  of  them  always  seem  to  fill
my dreams.

Though I am fast asleep, the moment he

touches me I’m fully aware of his presence. The
way he tucks his strong body in behind mine,
sliding his palm over my hip before stretching it out

over my stomach. I’m absorbed by a warmth that
only he can provide me, a safety that melts my
heart.

“Missed you.” He tells me this same thing every

single time he sees me. It doesn’t matter if it’s been
five minutes or five hours. He also says the very
same thing to our little girl every time he leaves and
comes back. “Hope you don’t mind me coming
here instead of going back to my place.”

I turn in his arms, my body now facing his as I

reach up and touch the side of his face. Even in the
darkened room I can still see how he leans further
into my touch.

“I’m glad you decided to come here.” I trace

over  his  lower  lip  with  the  pad  of  my  thumb  and
enjoy  the  feel  of  his  whiskers  as  they  rub  against
my  palm  in  the  process.  “In  fact,  I  think  that  you
should be here every night and every day.”

It takes only a few passing seconds for him to

“What?” he asks with a hopeful smile as he

slides in just a little closer.

“Trevor asked Whitney to move in with him.” I

knew it was coming so I wasn’t surprised when she
shared  the  news  with  me  only  a  few  hours  ago.
“She was hesitant because she said she didn’t want
to  leave  me  with  the  bills,  and  frankly  she  didn’t
like  the  idea  of  Isabelle  and  myself  being  here  by

ourselves.”

Jake only nods, as if agreeing with Whitney’s

need to always protect Iz and me.

“So when I told her that I wouldn’t be alone,

she  seemed  a  little  less  leery  of  taking  that  leap
with  Trevor.”  Again  Jake  nods,  and  I  know  he
already  knows  where  I’m  going  with  this,  but  his
ego of course needs to hear me say it. “I figure I’ll
move Isabelle into her own room and maybe share
this one with this guy I know.”

“Guy?”
“Yeah.” I smile, kissing the corner of his mouth.

“This hot cop.” I feel his lips curl against mine as a
smile covers his mouth. “Very handsome man,
kisses really good, too.”

“Is that so?”
“Oh yeah.” I hook my leg over his hip and

begin to pull his body over my own. He comes
willingly. “He does other things really good too."

“Just good?”
“Yeah,” I nod, kissing him once more, “but I

figure if he’s here we can spend more time
practicing. With any hope we can bump him up to
great.”

“I think epic is more like it.” Jake shifts his hips

against mine and I bite my lip to keep from
moaning. The panties I wear do nothing to hide
what he is working with.

“See, much better than good,” he whispers as

he begins to trail kisses over my jaw and along the
side of my neck. “I’m not even inside you yet, and
you can’t even think straight.”

I want to argue, but truly, what is the point? The

man is right, epically mind-shattering is definitely a
better explanation of how he makes me feel.

“Are you asking me to move in with you,

babe?” he asks while moving his hips much like he
would if he was inside me. It’s making it difficult to
concentrate on the words he’s speaking. So instead
I nod, as I reach between us to lower his boxers.
“There’s something you have to say first.”

Is he serious? Men and their control issues. Had

I not already been turned on and ready to take this
to the next level, I would have played dumb and
not given in to his need to hear me admit I want
him here with us.

“Yes, I’m asking you to move in and live here

with us.”

“That’s

great,

sweetheart.”

grins

triumphantly. “But that’s not exactly what I need to
hear. I was looking for something a little more
permanent than that.”

I pause with my hands gripping the sides of his

boxers that are now low enough to expose his cock,
resting proudly against my thigh. Lost for a second
I stare up at him, wondering what I’ve said in the
last few minutes that I hadn’t finished, or maybe
it’s something he asked that I hadn’t yet answered.

His grin grows wider as he watches me, clearly

enjoying my confusion.

“I need to hear you tell me that you’ll marry

me.”

And my heart sinks, then does a little twist and

bebop before it surges forward, crashing against my
breast bone. What in the hell?

“If I’m moving in here, Blair, I want it all. I

want my daughter and my wife.” Just hearing him
refer to me as his wife makes my heart do its crazy
little dance all over again. “I want us to be a family,
a real family. I want us all to share the same last
name.”

The excitement I felt seconds ago quickly shifts

to fear as it hits me. Gunther.

“Wilkerson.” Silence settles over us as we

simply stare at one another. Did he just…? “My last
name is the one thing I have left that ties me to the
life I want to forget. I don’t want the memories of
them. All I want is a life with the two of you.”

Tears cloud my vision.
“Will you marry me? I know after everything

that’s happened this may seem crazy and impulsive,
but you’ve always been the one Blair. You were the
good during the worst time of my life, of our lives.
Through  it  all,  I  think  what  kept  me  above  water
was  you.  Hope  that  I’d  find  my  way  back  to  you
and  get  the  chance  to  show  you  the  real  me,  the
man  I  want  to  be.  You  saw  me  in  a  different  light

back then and I needed that. I needed to know that
I was better than them, better than the world I was
living in.”

“You were better,” I tell him as I grip each side

of his face and ensure he sees me clearly. “You are
better.”

“I’m better with you.” The shuddering breath

he takes in makes me feel so raw. “I’m better
because of you and Izzy. You two are the greatest
two things I’ve ever done.”

“Yes,” I say without another second of thought.

“I want us, I want it all.”

“Yes?”
He seems taken aback as I nod. “I’ll marry

you."

Chapter Sixteen

AKE

LAIR

ARCHES

HER

BACK

, and in return she is

opening  herself  up  even  more  to  me.  There  is
nothing  sexier  than  when  she  falls  over  that  peak,
letting  go  of  her  control  and  giving  in  to  the
pleasure she feels. The way she pushes her ass back
against  me,  taking  me  inside  of  her  deeper  and
harder.  Her  body  shifts  against  mine,  dragging  out
her release and in turn making it next to impossible
to hold onto my own.

She quivers, her upper body growing weak just

before she squeezes me, tightening around me and
making it difficult to hold back. The way her upper
body falls to the mattress beneath her, making her

ass stick up even higher in the air as I thrust
forward drives me mad.

Then when I hear her whisper my name. It

sounds like a desperate plea and I lose all sense of
control. Gripping her hips firmly I slam inside her
and feel my body begin to shake from my own
release. Soft moans, mixed with the whispers of yes
and more.

Reality hits me the second I feel the wetness

pooling  between  my  thighs  and  hers.  I  look  down
where  we  are  still  connected  to  see  absolutely
nothing  separating  us.  In  our  rush  to  feel  one
another,  we’d  foregone  protection.  Call  me  crazy,
but  the  idea  of  having  another  child  with  Blair
sends a rush of excitement through me.

I am about to bring attention to our slip up, of

course  with  a  smile  on  my  face,  when  Isabelle
hollers  out  from  the  next  room.  The  sound  of  her
blabbering  breaks  through  my  sex-filled  haze  and
without  warning  Blair  rolls  away  from  me.  Of
course I look down at her and fake a pout, only to
make her laugh.

“I’ll get her.” I lay over her, kiss the top of her

nose quickly, and crawl from the bed. Looking back
over my shoulder I find her staring at my ass as she
bites her lip.

“Put some pants on.” She attempts to hide the

fact that she obviously enjoys the view.

There is this lightness about us now, the

simplicity of our life surrounding us. I don’t need
money or the big city with the fast life. I know all I
need to be happy is our little home, filled with the
laughter of both my fiancée and our daughter.

After slipping on my shorts that are on the floor

next to the bed, I hurry to Izzy’s room and lift her
up, covering her chubby little cheeks with kisses.
The giggles that spill from her make me chuckle in
return. She captures my heart over and over again.

“Dadada.” It may have just been a ramble,

because Iz tends to do that often, but I stop mid-
step and stare at my daughter. “Daadadada.” As if
she knows I need to hear it again she continues on
happily as she bounces in my arms.

“Did she just…” I look toward the open

bedroom door to find Blair standing there wearing
only a T-shirt of mine.

“She said ‘dada,’” I finish for her, and see her

eyes  fill  with  tears.  My  own  eyes  cloud  as  I  try  to
fight off the emotions that hit me. Hearing my little
girl  sing  “dada”  over  and  over  in  a  happy  little
slobber-filled  chant  has  got  to  be  the  best  fucking
moment of my life.

I’ve come to realize that there have been only a

few  times  in  my  life  when  I’ve  felt  so  overtaken
with  love  and  gratitude  that  it  nearly  crippled  me.
Those  were  times  when  I  didn’t  care  who  saw  me
as a mess of a man. This was one of those times. A
hot tear rolls over my cheek, and I look up to meet

Blair’s gaze once more.

“I know I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again.”

Blair  watches  me  closely  as  I  speak.  “Thank  you
for  her.  And  thank  you  for  letting  me  back  into
your  life.”  She  moves  across  the  room  and  wraps
her  arms  around  me  and  around  Isabelle  too.
“Thank you for loving me.”

“Thank you for being the man who is worth it.”

I kiss the top of her head and give them both a
gentle squeeze. I was holding my everything in my
arms. These two girls have me so completely there
isn’t a damn thing I won’t give them. “But just so
you know, there was no way that either of us would
be able to withstand falling in love with you, Jake.”

Closing my eyes tightly, I attempt to fight off

the emotions that run through me.

Looking back to the time in my life not much

more than a year ago, I never would have thought I
would  be  here.  I  never  thought  I’d  be  given  the
chance  for  a  family  of  my  own,  one  that  was  safe
from  my  father  and  the  hell  he  brought  with  him.
Yet here I am, living a life I once had only dreamed
of.

Izzy toys with her mommy’s hair while Blair

lays her head upon my chest. My arms securely
hold them both to me, and I’ll admit I never want
this moment to pass. I’ve never loved anyone more
than my girls. They are the greatest part of my life,
the best part of my days and when I am away from

them, I feel that ache—the emptiness inside that
longs for them to be back in my arms again.

“Nothing has ever felt this perfect,” I whisper,

gently rocking them both. “And I know nothing
ever will. I have everything I’ve ever wanted right
here in my arms.”

“ D

YOU

THINK

I’

CRAZY

?”

I look across the table at the man who has

become my best friend and I can’t wipe the smile
from my face.

“Do you think I’ll freak her out?” Farris holds a

red velvet box in his hand, squeezing it tightly as he
stares back at me for guidance. I never thought I’d
see the day this man looked to me for answers.

“I just want everything to be right, ya know.”

He  takes  in  a  deep  breath  and  looks  back  at  the
item  he  holds.  “Sadie’s  been  through  hell,  and  I’m
not crazy enough to believe that she didn’t bring a
lot of those things on herself. But what I do know is
that I love her. She’s my priority, Jake, hell I left an
amazing  fucking  job  without  a  second  thought  and
moved to this place I’d never heard of before, just
to  be  close  to  her.  So  please  tell  me  that  I’m  not
crazy for wanting to give her everything I can. Tell
me asking her to marry me isn’t insane?”

“You’re insane, all right.” His head hangs in

defeat. “But not because you want to marry Sadie.”
Farris  lifts  his  head  and  I  find  relief  covering  his
features.  “You’re  right,  she  does  deserve  to  be
happy.  I  know  she  loves  you  too,  so  if  asking  her
feels right, then you should do it.”

“It feels more than right.”
“The place you got that ring from,” I look to his

hand, “you think you can take me there?”

“The jewelry store?” I nod and there is a silent

pause. “Are you telling me that you are gonna ask
Blair—” He doesn’t finish; I don’t allow him to.

“Already did.”
“Without a ring?” His eyebrow arches up and I

toss the wadded up napkin I hold at him.

“She asked me to move in, and I told her I

would  only  on  one  condition.”  I  let  my  mind
wander  back  to  last  night.  “I  want  my  family,  I
want it all, and the moment felt right. I didn’t need
a  ring  at  that  point.  All  I  needed  was  for  Blair  to
say yes.”

When Farris grins at me, a wide-ass knowing

grin,  I  got  that  he  understood  completely.  Blair
owned  my  soul,  not  just  my  heart,  from  the  first
time  I  kissed  her.  Now  the  only  thing  that  has
changed  is  that  she  shares  that  space  with  my
daughter.

“Come on, brother.” Farris stands up and

pushes his chair back from the table. “We’ve got a

Chapter Seventeen

LAIR

“ T

ABLE

SEVEN

NEEDS

an order of wings to go and

table eleven is staring at me like I owe them
something,” Carol announces as she enters through
the swinging doors.

“The to go order is almost up, and table eleven

is  driving  me  crazy.”  I  try  not  to  groan  out  in
frustration.  “They’ve  changed  their  order  four
times. Poor Murray has had to start over each time.
I’m  afraid  to  go  out  there  and  see  that  they’ve
changed  it  again.  Murray  may  just  shoot  straight
through  the  roof  with  irritation  if  I  tell  him  one
more thing they don’t want in their nachos.”

Carol laughs as she brushes by me and winks.

“By the way, you just got two new groups seated in
your section.”

I blow out a deep, supposed to be soothing,

breath  and  wonder  to  myself  what  I’ve  done  to
have such a shitty day. Nothing has gone right since
the  second  I  stepped  inside.  A  bell  ringing  behind
me  announces  another  order  up  and  I  turn  around
to  see  a  to  go  box  being  placed  on  the  ledge  that
separates me from the kitchen.

“Wings,” Brenda belts out before turning her

back to me to move on to her next order.

I bag the box, toss in a few napkins and a

couple  sets  of  silverware  before  pushing  open  the
door  and  stepping  out  into  the  dining  area.  It’s
eerily  quiet  as  I  scan  the  restaurant  and  find  that
everyone is twisted around looking to my left.

Slowly I follow their attention and feel my body

stiffen as I take in the sight. Jake is crouched down
on one knee, wearing a smile so bright I can’t stop
myself  from  smiling  in  return.  Behind  him  stands
Will,  Warren,  and  Whitney,  who  holds  a  sleeping
Isabelle  close  to  her  chest.  The  rest  of  the
Flannigans  are  also  there,  along  with  Farris  and
Sadie,  though  she  looks  as  though  she  feels
completely out of place.

“What are you doing?” I ask in a hushed tone

as I scan over the dining area once more. Even
Wilber stands just outside his office, watching with
a gleam in his eye.

“I wanted to do this right,” Jake says louder

than  I  expect,  and  I  know  it’s  because  he  has  no
intentions  of  keeping  this  between  the  two  of  us.
“You  deserve  a  real  proposal,  not  a  whisper  in  the
darkness of the night.”

“But that proposal was pretty perfect.” I smirk,

thinking of the events that followed. My cheeks
heat and he grins, telling me he’s thinking of the
same thing.

“Enough already,” Warren groans, “there are

women and children present, you two.”

Jake chuckles as he reaches out and takes my

hand in his.

“You’re right.” He shakes off the humor of

Warren’s words and quickly gets back to the
current task. “It was perfect, it was our moment,
and now this is me sharing the news with everyone
else. Because I want everyone to know how much
you changed my life.”

I feel the tears burning my eyes.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes, Blair, a lot of the

wrong choices, but I’m here telling you in front of
everyone  that  I  will  never  make  those  mistakes
again.  I  love  you,  I  love  Iz,  and  there’s  nothing  in
this  lifetime  I  want  more  than  to  spend  every  day
from  this  one  forward  cherishing  the  both  of  you.
You make everything better, you always have.”

I close my eyes to fight off the tears but one

escapes and runs along my cheek.

“Marry me.” Jake’s words penetrate through

my haze and when I open my eyes I find him
holding out a ring between us. It sparkles and
shines in the lighting of the restaurant and my smile
grows wider when I hear a few gasps from around
us. “Build a life with me, Blair.”

I nod, as I move in closer and kneel in front of

him. I feel the bag I was holding being removed
from my hand but I don’t take the time to look or
even care who is taking it.

“I’m so glad you came after me,” I confess

when I look up and place one hand on each side of
his  face.  “I  told  everyone  I  was  fine,  I  tried  to
convince myself that what we had was all a lie and
that  I  could  be  fine  without  you.  But  the  truth  is
there  was  always  something  missing.  Always  this
empty  ache  inside  of  me  that  only  you  can  fill.
Thank you for not giving up on us.”

“I never will, baby.” He closes his eyes as I

press a soft kiss to his lips.

STEP

out of the shower and wrap a towel around

me as I step up to the mirror. It was after ten in the
evening and Isabelle had only been asleep for about
an hour. Jake is usually home by now, and
whenever he runs late I find I can’t sleep.

It’s been less than a week since Whitney moved

out  and  Jake  moved  his  things  in.  Looking  around
the bathroom to see his deodorant, aftershave, and
shampoo,  among  other  things,  gives  me  this  warm
sensation.  This  is  our  home  now,  just  Iz,  me,  and
Jake.  I  look  up  at  the  mirror  once  more  to  see  my
smiling reflection looking back. It feels amazing to
have this life.

Stepping out of the bathroom I start toward the

kitchen only to come to an abrupt stop when I see
Jake  step  in  through  the  front  door  of  our
apartment.  He  hasn’t  seen  me  yet;  he  closes  the
door  behind  him  and  rolls  his  neck  from  side  to
side,  as  if  attempting  to  relieve  the  stress  from  his
shift.

I still can’t get over how handsome he is. Strong

jaw, broad shoulders, even broader than when I first
met him. He wears his uniform perfectly, and there
is just something about the fierceness he expels as
he begins to walk toward me. I stay where I am
hidden in the darkness of the hall, my body already
feeling the effects of his presence.

I notice the very second he sees me, the way

that dominance changes to the swagger whenever
need takes over.

“Have I told you how much I love coming

home to you?”

Though I attempt to remain cool and collected,

I can’t stop myself from grinning widely, hearing

him say those words.

“Let me just add that I am heavily disappointed

that  I  missed  shower  time.”  He  steps  closer  and
hooks  his  finger  into  the  towel  at  the  gap  between
my  breasts.  “What  do  you  say  I  make  you  dirty
again?”

“I think I like that idea.”
He tugs and the towel breaks free to pool at my

feet.

“God damn, woman.” He shakes his head

before gripping my hips. “To my knees, I swear,
every time. You make me feel so weak.”

I don’t get the chance to respond before his lips

crash to mine. Suddenly I’m being turned and my
back is pressed to the wall.

“I’m feeling a little wired, babe,” he confesses,

and excitement spikes inside me. “Maybe I should
wind down before—”

“No.” I bite on his lip and give it a little tug

making him moan. “I want you just how you are.” I
feel him smile against my lips. I love when Jake is
demanding and impulsive. Granted the soft and
slow is perfect too, but tonight, right now, I just
want raw and ground shifting.

I begin to unbutton his shirt, still pinned to the

wall by the pressure of his hips. I can feel how hard
he is already, and my hands shake with adrenaline.
He steps back, but only long enough to unbuckle
his belt and his pants. In one swift move they are

around his thighs, boxers and all and his erection
springs freely.

“Blair,” I look up to find him smirking as he

places his finger beneath my chin and tilts it
upward, “do I need to get a condom?”

I think over his question, knowing already that

we’ve crossed that line once. I shake my head and
see the sense of control snap inside of him.

Quickly I’m hoisted up, I wrap my legs around

his waist, and in one impressive drive he is seated
deep inside me. Together we both moan, his
forehead pressed to mine. “Love this,” he mumbles
and I can’t agree more. “Just us,” he continues with
a gradual shift of his hips, “nothing between us.”

I want to say “yes,” but I’m too focused on the

way he feels inside me.

“Made for me…” He isn’t speaking in full

sentences, but I understand him completely.
Because I feel the same.

Then he starts to really move, his fingers

digging into my hips as he pivots beneath me. My
back shifts against the wall behind me as I hold
onto his shoulders. The way he moves, the perfect
angle was driving me wild.

“Damn,” he growls when I squeeze him.

Already a thin layer of sweat is covering our bodies
as  we  lose  ourselves  in  the  moment.  It  is  so  raw,
just  what  I  want.  Nothing  but  two  people  in  love,
desperate  for  the  release  of  the  other.  I  feel  like  I

can’t get enough, like close isn’t close enough.

His pace quickens, short hard drives, my head is

spinning, my legs tighten even more. I’m clawing at
his back, feeling as though my head is going to
explode before an orgasm hits me so deep and
overpowering by body ignites.

“Fuccckkkk,” Jake drags out the word just

before he too explodes and the pressure of his
fingers biting into my flesh intensifies.

We remain still, neither of us willing to move, or

should I say capable of moving.

“I feel like my body is made of Jello, jelly,

mush,  whatever.”  Jake  chuckles,  his  body  shaking
against  mine  though  he  holds  me  a  little  tighter.
“Told  you  I  should  have  taken  the  time  to  wind
down.”

“Uh uh,” I disagree, “I like you this way.”
“Why’s that?”
I’m finally able to lift my head off his shoulder,

and it thumps against the wall behind me with a
small thud. “I love when you get so lost in the
moment it’s almost like you’re desperate for me.”

“Because I am,” he confesses as he lifts one

hand and pushes back the hair away from my face.
“I never feel like it’s enough.” I tilt my head to the
side, not responding but silently asking him for
more of an explanation.

Jake steps back, taking me with him as he

carefully walks back to the recliner that is only a

few  feet  away.  He  makes  slow  movements  so  he
doesn’t  trip  over  his  pants  that  are  still  hanging
from  his  thighs.  He  sits,  taking  me  with  him  and
once  he  is  comfortable,  he  links  his  fingers  with
mine.

“That day outside your apartment in Chicago,”

I start to shake my head, but he leans in closer and
shushes  me,  “was  one  of  the  hardest  in  my  life.
There  were  so  many  times  I  wanted  to  tell  you
everything, but I was terrified you’d see me as one
of  them.  I  know  I  was  supposed  to  be  but  I
couldn’t.  I  think  I  knew  that  the  first  time  I  saw
you,  I  felt  like  I’d  been  kicked  in  the  stomach,
Blair. Fuck, you knocked the wind out of me.”

Even in the darkness I can see the glimmer in

his eyes and it pulls at something inside me.

“I never wanted to hurt you, I just wanted to

keep them from you. All I ever wanted was to keep
you safe and I know I failed.” I place my hands on
his face and press my forehead to his. “Letting you
walk  away  that  day,  I  felt  like  I  was  being  torn
apart. I knew I had to, but it wasn’t easy. The time
that  followed,  Jesus,  they  were  dark  times.  But
even  through  it  all  I  kept  thinking  that  one  day
maybe I’d get you to forgive me. I hoped for it.”

“I do.” It wasn’t easy, but I have forgiven this

beautiful man.

“Now I feel like every day, every word, every

touch, it’s me making up for all the wrongs I did.

But it’s never enough.”

“It is.” Tears fill my eyes but I try to fight them.
“Nothing will ever be enough.” It breaks my

heart that he believes this. “When I’m with you, all
that runs through my head is the fact that I lost you
once,  and  there’s  no  way  I’m  ever  gonna  do  that
again.  I  am  desperate  for  you,  there  is  always  this
ache  inside  of  me,  craving  you,  needing  you.  I
don’t  think  it  will  ever  be  soothed  completely
because I know I will never get enough.”

I nod, unable to speak. I wanted raw, well this

was fucking raw. This was deep and uncensored
and raw in every sense of the word.

“I am so in love with you that it just might be

teetering on the verge of insanity.” I laugh at his
confession.

“I’m okay with that, because I feel the same

way about you.”

Epilogue

AKE

SIT

in the pew as I hold Isabelle on my lap,

bouncing her softly to keep her occupied. She holds
my  phone  in  her  hand,  tapping  away  at  the  screen
with  her  chubby  little  fingers.  On  more  than  one
occasion I have had to clear a shit ton of images off
my  screen  that  she’s  managed  to  capture.  Most
were  images  of  the  backs  of  people’s  heads,
smeared  things  passing  by,  or  even  feet  of  random
people.  But  whatever  works,  and  in  this  case,  I
need her to remain quiet.

The relationship between Whitney, Blair, and

Sadie is still strained, but I’ve seen progress which
makes me happy. I understand where Blair is

coming  from;  I  just  needed  her  to  see  Sadie  in  a
new light, much like she has me. I think today is the
turning  point  I’ve  hoped  for.  At  the  front  of  the
church  standing  just  to  the  left  of  the  bride  stands
my wife.

It still felt unfuckingbelievable to call her that.

Each time I remember the day she said “I do” while
looking  up  at  me  with  that  killer  smile  of  hers,  I
swear  I  feel  my  knees  buckle  beneath  me.  One  of
my  best  days  ever,  running  even  with  the  day  I
found out I was a father, and head to head with just
two  days  ago  when  she  announced  that  she  was
carrying  my  second  child.  I  don’t  think  the  smile
has left my face since.

Today my best friend is marrying another one of

my best friends, and I couldn’t be happier for them.
It’s only been six months since I arrived in Ankeny,
three  months  since  I  married  the  woman  of  my
dreams  and  I’ll  admit  two  days  since  I’ve  cried
another round of happy tears. But with Blair by my
side I wasn’t surprised. I think I always knew she’d
be  the  woman  to  break  me  in  the  best  possible
ways.

Now I just wanted all those same things to

happen for Farris and Sadie. They deserved it.

Whitney wipes a tear from her eye and Blair

takes the bouquet of white roses from Sadie just
before she turns back to face her soon-to-be
husband. I watch as they agree to love, honor, and

cherish one another, and roars erupt when Farris
grabs Sadie and dips her backward, giving her an
overly exaggerated kiss.

To hear her laugh out loud when he lifts her

back up is perfection. Sadie will always have a
special place in my heart and I’m glad Farris is here
to protect her.

As she turns around to face the crowd and

looks back over her shoulder to Blair, I feel like my
heart  rate  speeds  up.  Blair  leans  in  and  whispers
something to Sadie that makes her face scrunch up
in the way I know it does when she’s trying to hide
her emotions. I wonder what could be taking place.
Then  Blair  places  her  forehead  to  the  side  of
Sadie’s  head  and  they  share  a  big  hug,  with  a  few
silent seconds. Then clearly I see the words spoken
from Blair. I love you. The same words she told me
so many times before, and now I know the effects
they have.

Sadie nods, unable to speak and stands tall once

more.

Then Blair’s gaze connects with mine. My wife.

God, I will never grow tired of saying that.

She offers me a wink before blowing me a kiss

and again my head is spinning. Lucky, that’s what I
am. Real damn lucky.

LAIR

SP OT

Jake sitting at a table near Farris, and a few

of  the  detectives  from  Chicago  who  traveled  here
for  the  wedding.  All  the  testosterone  in  one  small
area is leaving every single female in the reception
hall  a  little  flustered,  not  to  mention  some  of  the
married  ones  too.  They  are  definitely  a  force  for
sure, all sexy, strong and confident.

But through it all I only have eyes for one man.

My man, my husband, the father of my child, or
rather children.

I can’t stop myself from casually placing my

hand  over  my  stomach  as  I  look  from  Jake  to
Isabelle,  who  is  in  Whitney’s  father’s  arms,  then
back to Jake again. Knowing this time he’ll be here
to  share  all  the  times  up  until  we  meet  our  second
daughter  or  even  son  is  a  feeling  I  can’t  explain.
Whitney  catches  me  in  my  moment  and  her  own
knowing smile adds to my happiness.

Just this morning my best friend shared the

news with me that she and Trevor are now engaged,
so it looks like we’ll be having another wedding
soon. I am surrounded by love in every direction
and after what took place in Chicago with my life,
I’ll gladly welcome it.

Unable to stop myself any longer, I begin

crossing the room toward the table of men. It’s

almost like Jake can sense me and he looks up just
as I pause next to the table at his side. In fact, many
of the men stop speaking but again, Jake is my sole
focus.

“Hey handsome, wanna dance?” I immediately

notice the mischievous grin that covers his lips. I’ve
seen this look often, that playful fun man I wake up
next to every morning only to fall in love with all
over again.

“I don’t know if I should. My wife might not

like that.”

“Well, your wife should never leave such a

good-looking man alone.” I counter, feeling my
own smile fight to take over.

“No?”
I simply shake my head, still doing my best to

keep a straight face. “It only opens the door for
other women to step in and take advantage of you.
To lead you astray.”

“Not possible.” Jake crosses his arms over his

chest and leans back in his chair. I glance around
quickly, noticing we’ve gained the full attention of
all his friends. They smile and gleam as they watch
our little game in humor.

“And why’s that?” I finally ask.
Jake shrugs, still remaining aloof. “There’s no

other woman out there as beautiful and perfect as
my wife. She could leave me alone for hours and it
wouldn’t matter, I’d still wait for her. She holds my

Bonus Scene

Jake

“Be  careful,  Princess.”  I  hold  Isabelle  next  to  the
hospital bed at a safe distance. Blair holds our son
close  while  we  both  watch  in  awe  when  Iz  meets
her little brother for the first time. She is completely
enamored  by  him,  her  eyes  focused  on  him  and
nothing else.

My little girl is shy, but when she feels the need

to react I swear the shrilling screech of hers can
break glass. Only now she is ever so quiet, her little
hand up covering her mouth like it is stopping her
from speaking.

On the ride up in the elevator, I explained to her

how important it is that we not be loud and scare
our baby. I even placed my hand over my mouth to

ensure she understood. Now here she is mimicking
my actions. It is so sweet.

“I’m lying her looking at him,” Blair whispers

softly,  “like  I  did  when  I  held  Iz  the  night  after  I
had  her  and  well  into  the  morning.  “I  never  had  a
name  chosen,  not  until  I  saw  her  and  then  I  just
knew.”

“Do you know now?”
“I was thinking Jaxon,” she shrugs and looks

away from our son, locking her eyes on mine. “I
don’t know why I like the name, I just do.”

“Me too.”
Suddenly her face crinkles up and then a look

of concern covers her face. “I’m so sorry I didn’t
even think—”

“Babe,” I stop her before she can finish,

already  knowing  she  is  feeling  guilty  for  not
allowing  me  to  choose  a  name  since  I  wasn’t  here
to  be  a  part  of  naming  our  little  girl.  But  I  never
intended to take that away from her. I just had one
request.

“Jaxon Lark Wilkerson,” I say this and watch

the concerned look leave her face. “When I found
out  we  were  having  a  son  there  was  only  one
thought  that  crossed  my  mind.  He’s  the  man
responsible  for  me  finding  you.  It  was  because  of
him  I  came  here.  He  broke  the  rules  for  me,  gave
me  information  he  shouldn’t  have,  and  proved  to
me that second chances are possible.”

Blair smiles at me and reaches out to glide my

finger along the cheek of our son.

“Without Lark this little guy may not be here,”

I confess, knowing that had Lark Farris not busted
my ass for weeks upon weeks after the arrest of my
family I wouldn’t be standing where I am now.
Who knows where I would have ended up, but
something tells me it wouldn’t have been any place
good.

“I think that’s perfect.”
“Yeah?”
Blair nods and I move in for a kiss, just as

Isabelle  squeals  in  delight,  and  Jaxon  jumps  in
surprise. This quickly leaves our son screaming out
too,  only  his  are  terrified  cries  and  then  Isabelle
gets  a  look  of  heartbreak  on  her  face.  Here  Blair
and  I  sit,  both  looking  between  our  two  children
while they cry as if to outdo one another, and all we
both could do is smile.

This is our life, and I wouldn’t change a thing. It

is absolute perfection.

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