A Fluffy Tale

Ann Somerville

These stories are a work of fiction. The names, characters,
places, and incidents are products of the writer’s
imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be
construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or
dead, actual events, locale or organizations is entirely
coincidental.

‘A Fluffy Tale’ Copyright © 2007 by Ann Somerville
Cover image

©kalou1927

All Rights Are Reserved. No part of this book may be used
or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written
permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied
in critical articles and reviews.
For more information please visit my website at

http://annsomerville.net

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Published by Ann Somerville

Chapter 1

A shrilling three inches from his ear had Julian upright

and awake in under a second, but though his eyes were open,
he couldn’t see. Once upon a time, he’d thought he’d gone
blind in his sleep. Now he knew better.

“Pyon!”
Instantly his vision cleared as his kem jumped off his

head. He looked down, just in time to see Pyon’s tail
disappear inside his chest.

Julian sighed. If Pyon would stick around after he messed

up, then Julian could explain the problem. But no, he always
ran away and by the time he showed up again, his kem had
forgotten the problem and Julian’s scolding had no impact.

No one else had this much problem with their kem. At

least, they said they didn’t.

He yawned and climbed out of bed, scratching his

stomach. The clothes on the bedroom floor were scattered
about as if Pyon had been playing again. Julian really wished
his kem would leave his stuff alone. He grabbed clean
underwear and a shirt from the laundry pile—another day for
keeping the jacket on, and he really had to make time for the
ironing this weekend—and dove into the bathroom.

Pyon reappeared just in time to make Julian nearly spill

coffee on himself as he collected his usual breakfast Danish
from the bakery on the way to the bus stop.

“Damn it! Pyon, don’t do that!”

Pyon jumped back inside again, but immediately stuck his

head out again through Julian’s chest, green eyes bright and
innocent. A complete lie, of course. Julian looked down at
his kem and shook his head, waggling his hand clean of the
spilled drops of coffee. “You’re going to land me in
hospital, you know that.”

Pyon gave a sad little meep and disappeared. Julian

walked out of the bakery, sipped some of his coffee to lower
the level, took two huge bites of his Danish, and then looked
up the road.

Crap! The bus was already heading down the road to the

stop. He ran for it, tossing the coffee and shoving the Danish
into his jacket pocket.

“Wait!”
He just managed to squeeze on at the end of the queue and

spent the twenty-minute journey with a strange woman’s
ginger kem staring at him the entire way, her face almost in
his, curious eyes watching him unblinkingly. Pyon didn’t
rematerialise, for which Julian was grateful. He’d had to
write a letter of apology to the transport company the last
time his kem got playful and ran amok on a crowded bus. It
wasn’t like he could stop Pyon, but he felt bad about that
man’s arm. They should have been more careful about the
way the doors opened, but still…

He arrived at the office exactly on time, and heaved a

sigh of relief as he slid past reception and the hawkish gazes

of Carol and her sleek silvery kem. Pyon popped his head
out, all round-eyed and enquiring as soon as they were clear.

“Now don’t start messing around,” Julian warned.

“You’ve got me in enough trouble this week.”

His kem chirped, materialised fully on Julian’s shoulder,

and then ran off down the corridor, long tail bouncing
cheerfully as he loped along, planning mischief. Julian
shouted after him but only for form’s sake. His kem never
did a damn thing he told him to. At least it meant he could
pick up another coffee and finish his breakfast in peace as he
read the morning’s emails.

He worked on the most urgent files, and handed them

back to the paralegals who’d assigned them. The office
buzzed with the quiet noises of keyboards and conversations,
everyone too busy to chat idly until they’d cleared the
backlog. An hour later, Pyon appeared, looking for cuddles,
his nose twitching. Julian never believed those innocent
eyes, but no one had called his desk to complain about his
truant kem making a nuisance, so perhaps Pyon had only been
socialising with the other office kems. He kept hoping Pyon
would pick up some good habits from the others, but he
never did.

He yawned his way through the more boring tasks, filing

and preparing pro forma documents on autopilot. Pyon spent
the time as he usually did, sometimes curled up on the pile of
papers in the in-tray, or walking over the desk, occasionally

running off with an excited chirp as he spotted a friend
across the office. Everyone was used to him, though that
didn’t stop the grumbling when Pyon’s excitable nature got
the better of him again. After each little excursion, he always
came back for a petting, and then he’d dematerialise for a
few minutes. Recharging for more naughtiness, Julian’s Mum
used to say—about the pair of them.

It was Gillian from Probate’s sixtieth birthday so they

had cake for morning tea, and a little gift presentation. Julian
always liked birthdays in the office because the local cake
shop did smashing fruit and chocolate cakes, and the office
broke out the good coffee as well. It seemed like everyone
was there this morning—no one off sick or on leave—but the
cake was big and Julian got a nice big slice with lots of
lovely icing. He was starving as usual—it always seemed an
age until lunchtime.

Gillian blushed and got very emotional about the present.

She’d be retiring soon and this was her last birthday in the
office, so people had pushed the boat out for her. She made a
little speech, people applauded heartily, and as the clapping
died down, Julian looked across the crowd of co-workers.
He blinked at what he saw.

“Who’s that?” he whispered to Liz, pointing discreetly to

the handsome stranger standing next to a gaggle of paralegals
and looking distinctly bored by the proceedings. The guy
was tall—taller than any of the other men in the room—with

sleek, black hair and strong, aristocratic features. He looked
like a high-priced male model, and the last Julian had heard,
Clarke, Saxony and Markham weren't hiring any of those.

“Oooh, he’s the new solicitor. Zachary Ledbetter.

Disputes—they say he’s really sharp. Picky too.” She nudged
him. “Good thing you’re not in his section.”

“Piss off,” he muttered, looking his fill at the

astonishingly good-looking Mr Ledbetter before the man
caught him at it.

Suddenly Pyon, who for once had been behaving pretty

well and spending the party playing with a ball of paper
someone had tossed down for him to keep him out of trouble,
chirped and bolted across the room—straight towards
Zachary Ledbetter.

“Pyon, no!” Julian yelled as quietly as he could, but Pyon

paid no attention. Julian grinned painfully and sidled over,
hoping that Pyon was just distracted by someone’s kem or a
new possible toy.

But luck wasn’t with him because Pyon bounced off

Ledbetter’s feet, squeaked with delight and then scrambled
up the man’s leg with his usual hyperactive speed. Startled,
Ledbetter spilled coffee all over himself just as Julian
reached him.

“Pyon! I'm sorry, let me wipe that up for you. Pyon,

naughty!”

Pyon meeped and disappeared. Typical.

As Julian dabbed ineffectually with a serviette at the

soiled and expensive trousers, he looked up and found he
was being stared at by two pairs of eyes—one cold, green
and human, and the other, the golden gaze of the biggest kem
he’d ever seen. He was gorgeous—and so was his host.

“Um…I'm really sorry. I have no idea why he’s so badly

behaved.”

The man stepped back, shook his foot and his hand, and

then extracted an immaculate handkerchief to wipe his
fingers, disdaining Julian’s efforts while keeping up his
unfriendly gaze.

“Don’t you? I do.”
And with that snide remark, he turned and walked away,

his tawny kem still seated firmly and regally across his
shoulders like a luxurious scarf.

Julian’s face burned hot with embarrassment—and then

anger when he realised how rude the man had been. The
paralegals were staring at him. He got to his feet.

“Pyon again,” he said with a sickly smile.
“You’ve blown it now, Julian,” Edward, one of the

assistants in Debt, said. “That’s your chance of moving up a
grade gone for a while.”

“Piss off,” he said low enough for Edward’s malicious

ears alone. “It wasn’t me, it was him.”

“Always is. Still, you certainly made an impression.”

Then he sniggered like a schoolboy, grimy creep that he was.

Julian wondered why his troublemaking kem couldn’t

have made this smirking rat spill coffee all over himself
instead of Tall, Dark and Snotty. Edward deserved coffee-
stained trousers, and more.

Morning tea was over by then. Julian snagged a second

piece of cake to take back to his desk, but he felt too gloomy
to do more than pick at it. What did that bastard mean by that
comment? What did he ‘know’? They’d never met before—
Julian hadn’t even seen him in the office. Supercilious damn
solicitors.

He groused and grumbled his way through to lunch, and

took himself bad-temperedly to the building’s shared
canteen. He half-hoped he might see Ledbetter, but at the
same time, the humiliation was so recent and painful, he
didn’t know if he’d have done more than stutter at him. Pyon
popped in and out but Julian was too distracted and cranky to
do more than admonish him half-heartedly.

Anger gave way to depression as he realised Edward’s

catty remarks were probably true. Julian had been looking
for promotion and changing sections was part of that. Now
Disputes was closed to him, most likely—he might even end
up with a formal warning, depending on how mean the guy
was. People weren’t usually blamed for their kems’
behaviour but Pyon was just such a damn pest. Cute but a
nuisance.

And naturally, just as Julian thought that, his nuisance

reappeared and sat in front of him, head tilted and his mouth
open, showing his perfect pink tongue. Julian couldn’t resist
scratching him under the jaw, which made Pyon purr and
snuggle.

“Why do you have to be so naughty, hmmm? You’re

sweet when you’re like this, but then you go off and ruin my
life.”

No reply except a sad little squeak. Julian patted Pyon’s

head. “Okay, enough of that.” he said, shoving Pyon gently
away. “I guess I’ll need to work harder if I want that
promotion.”

The afternoon dragged and his depression over the stupid

coffee trouser thing didn’t really lift. It didn’t help that
Edward seemed to be always there, smirking knowingly
whenever Julian had to make a photocopy or fetch a file. It
made him want to ask if the man had any work to do, but
Edward was well in with the partners, untouchable, and able
to get away with just about anything. His kem was actually
really sweet and well behaved, far too nice for someone like
Edward. But no one chose their kems and kems couldn’t
choose their hosts, so Lilbi was stuck with Edward just as
Julian was stuck with Pyon. It wasn’t fair.

He got off the bus one stop early so he could pick up

groceries. He was out of cheese and bread, and he figured he
might as well pick up something for supper too. Shopping
had to be thought about, since the supermarket sent Pyon

crazy with delight. Julian had tried doing big shops less
often, but that just given Pyon more chance to run riot, and
Julian had now been banned from two supermarkets as a
result. So now he just did quick runs at a store near the
apartment, grabbing things as fast as he could, and
apologising if necessary when he paid. So far it had sort of
worked, but it was a damn nuisance having to shop every
second day or so.

He liked the little store though, with its cool, shady

interior and piled-high stock, the scents of spices and weird
vegetables not exactly tempting but now familiar. One good
thing about his regular visits, was that the shopkeeper now
knew him well and was indulgent of Pyon madly dashing
around as if he hadn’t seen the place at least a couple of
hundred times or more. The man smiled at him as Julian
rushed in, and his kem chirped in delight to see Pyon, who
immediately jumped off Julian’s shoulder and rushed over to
lick and cuddle his friend. Julian hoped that would keep the
little brat out of mischief long enough for him to grab the
essentials. He raced around, knowing where everything was
by now, dumping it all in his basket and hoping to get out of
here in under five minutes, which was as long as Pyon could
usually behave himself for.

He ran around the end of a display, and nearly collided

with someone. “Oh, sorry—” He stared at the man he’d
nearly knocked over. “You!”

“Excuse me,” Zachary Ledbetter said as he made to move

past Julian, his cold expression unchanged from the morning.
The big kem sat on his shoulders again, his tail flicking lazily
as if he was utterly bored by Julian’s presence.

“No…wait! Please…um… Look, this morning…I'm

really sorry about your trousers…”

“I don’t wish to talk about my clothing, thank you. Will

you excuse me?”

“Yes…no, wait!”
Ledbetter’s eyes narrowed. “Are you always this

impertinent?”

“Are you always this damn rude?” All the resentment

he’d bottled up over the day came spilling out. “What the
hell did you mean by that crack this morning?”

“I have no idea—”
“That, that…‘I do’ crap. About Pyon. What did you

mean?”

Ledbetter’s upper lip curled in a sneer and he started to

walk away. Without thinking, Julian grabbed his arm, and the
man, probably startled by a mere assistant grabbing a
solicitor in this manner, actually stopped.

“Why won’t you tell me? Pyon’s a bloody nuisance—if

you know how to make him behave…”

Julian stopped as Ledbetter drew himself up to his

considerable height, and his kem’s fur started to bristle.
“Make your kem behave? Make him do anything? You have

one of the most beautiful gifts known to mankind and you call
him a ‘bloody nuisance’? You make me sick—you’re the
nuisance. It’s you who doesn’t know how to behave. I pity
your poor little fellow, having to put up with you. I wish
there was some way of taking him away from you, but since
there isn’t…” He sneered again, his green eyes narrowed
icily. “You complain of his discipline? Look at you. You’re
dirty, rumpled, dashing about like a lunatic, paying no
attention to him—you don’t know where he is, do you?”

“He’s with the shop—”
“He’s behind you, terrified. And your kem is sick. Sick

because you’ve made him sick.”

Julian whirled—and yes, there was Pyon, sitting on a

display of cans, head tilted and looking rather wary. At least
he wasn’t causing a problem. “He’s not sick.”

“Yes he is.” Julian felt Pyon dive inside him again, and

Ledbetter pointed at his chest. “And there’s the proof. How
many times a day does he do that?”

“I don’t know, maybe fifty—“
“Fifty? And do you know why?”
Julian frowned. “It’s what kems do. They need

nourishment or something.”

“Or something, yes. Your kem is starving, and you’re

feeding him junk.” Ledbetter grabbed Julian’s shopping
basket off him. “Look at this rubbish. Biscuits, processed
cheese, white bread…and you have dark circles under your

eyes so you don’t sleep sufficiently, your skin is spotty and
your physique flabby. When did you last eat a piece of fruit
or take any exercise? This month? This year? Dreadful. Your
kem can only be as healthy as you are. Pyon has to keep
topping up because you give him so little to nourish him. His
fur is poor, and his behaviour results from both bad diet and
your disgusting attitude. I’ve seen you twice for less than
five minutes at a time and most of that you’ve spent shouting
at the poor creature. Do you have any idea how much that
hurts them?”

He shoved the basket back at Julian. His beautiful kem

gave his host’s face a lick and Ledbetter reached up and
stroked the kem’s tail with reverent gentleness. “You, sir,
are unworthy of the honour of hosting a kem. If you had a spit
of decency, you’d pull yourself together and give Pyon a long
and happy life. Instead you’ll indulge yourself until you drop
dead at forty of a heart attack, and take him with you. Now
good—“

Pyon chose that moment to rematerialise—and leap

across to Ledbetter’s arm. He scrambled up until he
suddenly saw Ledbetter’s kem—he scrambled down in
panic. Julian had never seen him react like that to another
kem before—was he afraid? He reached out to pick Pyon up,
but then stopped because Ledbetter beat him to it.

“Hey, Pyon,” the man said in a low, gentle voice as he

cupped Pyon’s bottom. “You’re safe, little fellow. Linis

won’t hurt you, you know that. Yes, that’s right. Let me have
a look at you. May I?”

Julian blinked at Ledbetter being so polite and formal

with his kem, but the man ignored him, carefully lifting Pyon
up. “Aren’t you handsome,” Ledbetter crooned, still keeping
his voice very quiet, while Pyon gazed back adoringly.
Ledbetter’s entire demeanour, his expression, had softened
and became solicitous, kind—almost like a completely new
person. He scratched behind Pyon’s ears and stroked the kem
down his black-furred back and tail with one long sweep of
his big hand. Pyon began to trill as he hardly ever did with
Julian—and here he was, cuddling a complete stranger.

“Thank you, he’s mine,” Julian snapped, unaccountably

jealous. “Pyon!”

Pyon jumped, startled, and dematerialised instantly.

Julian’s hand tightened around the basket handle as he glared
at Ledbetter. “Okay, you’ve said your piece.”

He didn’t trust himself to say another word, so he turned

on his heel and walked off. He paid for the food and
managed to scrape up enough politeness to nod at the
shopkeeper, but then he stomped out, furious and even more
humiliated than he’d felt that morning. He’d come that close
to punching that man and he hadn’t felt like that since school!
Unworthy of Pyon? Who the hell did he think he was!

The bus came almost at once and five minutes later he

was letting himself in through his front door. As he tossed the

food into the fridge, too angry to be hungry, Pyon appeared
and sat on the countertop, looking expectant.

“See what you’ve done?” Julian snarled.
Pyon meeped and ran off—probably to make a little nest

on the bed or with Julian’s clothes. Julian didn’t care. He
flung himself onto his sofa and glared into space, his arms
wrapped around himself. That pompous, supercilious,
privileged prick! Pyon wasn’t ill, and neither was he!

He turned on the TV but it held no interest for him. He

couldn't think of anything but those hurtful, vicious words
and the completely false accusation of…

…cruelty.
Was he cruel? Everyone knew you couldn’t hurt a kem—

they just dematerialised if they felt threatened. You didn’t
have to feed them, they kind of absorbed what they needed
from inside the host. Actually, no one knew much about them
at all. Except Mr Perfect Hair And Trousers apparently.

He heard a quiet chirp and turned. Pyon sat on the end of

the sofa, again looking wary.

“Oh come here, stupid, as if I’d hurt you.” Pyon squeaked

and leapt into Julian’s arms, and Julian, for a few moments,
just gave himself over to the pure pleasure of letting Pyon
cuddle and lick him. He’d never do anything to hurt him—
how could that bastard say that?

But when he sat up a little and Pyon curled up on his lap

while Julian stroked him, he had to admit there was a huge

difference between Pyon and Ledbetter’s kem—Linis, that
was his name. Pyon and Linis. Pyon was small and scruffy
and hyperactive. Linis was huge and sleek and apparently
perpetually calm, even when his host was upset.

Kems were all different with different personalities.

Everyone knew that. But Pyon’s fur did look rather…limp.
And thin. Julian didn’t usually pay any attention to that
because his kem was usually rushing around like a mad thing.
But Julian wasn’t sick, so why was his kem?

Pyon made an enquiring little chirp and then

dematerialised without the slightest warning. Was he hungry?
Was Ledbetter right and Pyon needed more food—better
food? But they didn’t eat.

He stood up and went to the fridge. That remark about the

fruit had really stung because it was true—he didn’t like fruit
or vegetables much, and tended not to buy it because it went
off. His parents—his Mum, particularly—had always
insisted on vegetables at supper and there was always fruit
in their house. Julian just didn’t bother when it was him
alone.

But maybe he needed to. He looked at his watch—yes, he

had time if he used the tiny corner shop at the other end of the
block.

Half an hour later, he looked at the wildly expensive

packed salad and the even more expensive piece of steak
he’d managed to get from the deli he’d never used, a few

doors down. “You better appreciate this, Pyon,” he said,
grimacing as he picked up a bit of green stuff. Yuck.

Chapter 2

He didn’t have time for anything but his usual coffee and

Danish before work, but he’d gone to bed early and slept a
full nine hours. Pyon looked just the same but maybe he was
a tiny bit less hysterical. He came back to Julian’s desk
sooner than usual at least. It was hard to concentrate on him
completely because Edward was slinking back and forth at
intervals, and Julian kept tensing for another remark. He also
wondered if Ledbetter would say something to the managers
about Julian’s rudeness in the supermarket—he’d stepped
over the line, he knew that and if Ledbetter complained, he’d
have every right to.

But Edward kept his mouth shut, and Ledbetter didn’t

appear. Pyon got up to no more than his usual nonsense and
didn’t make anyone spill or ruin anything, so there were no
frustrated telephone calls about his kem. In fact, it was an
almost peaceful morning, though Julian was glad when one
o’clock came around and he could get some lunch. He’d
planned to go out and find something healthy, but it was
raining and he lost the impetus. At least he didn’t expect to
run into anyone difficult at the work canteen.

But once again he was out of luck because he spotted

Ledbetter eating on his own—which was rather odd, since
he was so senior in the office—in the corner of the canteen.
Julian had three choices—head out for lunch, or eat in and
ignore the man. Or he could do what he actually did, to his

own surprise, which was to take his tray and head straight
over to Ledbetter’s table. At least he got the small
satisfaction of taking the man completely by surprise.

“I want to talk to you.”
“I'm eating my lunch.” Linis stared up at Julian with huge

golden eyes that seemed to read his soul. Linis’s host was
already busy looking back down at his meal, Julian
dismissed from his attention and his thoughts.

Julian sat down and won a dark scowl. “Yes, I can see

that.”

Pyon appeared just then and once again, Ledbetter’s stern

expression softened. “Hello, Pyon.”

He reached out and petted him as Pyon skirted warily

around Linis, almost on tiptoe with nervousness. The bigger
kem didn’t move or react, just regarding Pyon with those big
eyes and thinking his own kemmish thoughts.

Ledbetter glared at Julian. “I don’t want company.”
“Too bad. You like my kem, I come with him. I need to

talk to you.”

Ledbetter ignored him and concentrated on his chicken

salad, still petting and stroking Pyon who adored the
attention. Julian could feel Ledbetter’s hostility, and yet he
received these vague sensations of pleasure from the
constant physical stimulation given to Pyon. It was confusing
and irritating in the extreme, and didn’t make him any more
diplomatic in his approach.

“I want your help,” he said.
The man didn’t look at him as he answered. “Whatever it

is, I'm not interested.”

“It’s about Pyon.”
Ledbetter looked up, his eyes unfriendly. “If you’re about

to utter more nonsense about making him behave, I swear,
I'm going to put a complaint in about you.”

“I'm not! I want your help to…to help him. About what

you said. My diet and stuff. I…I want to do the right thing. I
ate a salad last night.” Then he flushed hot. He sounded so
childish.

Even Ledbetter was mildly amused. “And yet you lived.

How brave.”

“But I don’t know what’s the right thing for him. And

how do you know this stuff?”

“I pay attention to Linis and all kems, which most people

don’t bother about. If you listen, you learn. I doubt you have
much experience at the technique.”

“God, you’re such a…such a…” Julian growled in

frustration and Pyon squeaked in alarm. He hastily stroked
his kem’s tail. “It’s not you, dummy.”

“Don’t call him that!”
Pyon squeaked again and ran up Julian’s arm. Julian

shushed him gently and then glared at Lebetter. “Now who’s
shouting and frightening him? It’s just an affectionate
nickname.”

“So you like being called a dummy, do you? Is that your

name? Mr Dummy?”

“It’s Julian and no, but a kem doesn’t understand the

words.”

Ledbetter made a disgusted ‘tch’. “You have no idea how

much more they understand—and more than that, they know
your heart.”

“Then he knows I don’t mean anything by it. You’re not

helping him by abusing me. I just want to know what I should
be eating.” He shoved his tray across the table towards the
man. “How does this look?”

Ledbetter glanced at it. “Sugar, sugar, fat, salt, flour, oh

and look, more sugar and salt.” He poked with his fork at the
chicken bun on the plate. “There might be some decent
protein in there but I doubt it. If you want to die young, by all
means, keep eating that.”

“Will you stop with the dying young thing? Why do you

care anyway?”

“I don’t. I care about Pyon. All you care about is your

massive and badly nourished ego. You want to know how to
eat correctly? Look it up, I'm not an encyclopaedia.”

He went to stand and Julian’s cheeks burned in

humiliation again. “You’re a hypocrite, though. If you cared
for Pyon, you’d help. You’re the one with the massive ego.
You just want to put me down and swan off, so sure you’re
perfect in every way. Pyon and I can get stuffed so far as

you’re concerned.”

Ledbetter’s long jaw worked and then he sat down again,

glaring at Julian. “Are you serious or are you just trying to
prove a point?”

“I'm serious. I…I don’t want to hurt him. I love him.”

Pyon twined his tail around Julian’s arm and then stared up
at him with his pretty green eyes. Julian realised it was true
—he did love Pyon. He just…didn’t know the first thing
about how to look after him. “And I don’t want him to die
young either. So help me or shut up.”

Linis stood up and stalked slowly over to Ledbetter so he

could lean up against his chest and be cuddled. The look of
serenity that came over Ledbetter’s face was so strange—so
beautiful, in a way. Julian suspected that no one and nothing
in the world was as important to Ledbetter as Linis, which
was completely freaky. He didn’t know anyone this involved
with their kem at all.

On the other hand, Linis was very well behaved and

Ledbetter was a successful lawyer in perfect control of
himself, so whatever he was doing, worked.

“Will you help?” Julian asked, somewhat more politely.
“Depends on how hard you want to work. It’s not just

diet. You have to give full attention to your health and to
Pyon. You can’t even organise yourself to do your ironing.”

Julian hastily pulled his jacket closed—he’d meant to do

his ironing, he really had, but he’d been busy thinking about

Pyon… “I'm so tired when I get home from work, that’s all.”

“Yes. Because you eat rubbish, never exercise, don’t

sleep enough and your leisure time is spent, what—watching
television? Playing on the computer? I bet it’s not spent with
Pyon.”

“He plays on his own.”
“Yes, but he’d rather play with you.” Ledbetter sighed,

and for the first time, almost looked human. “You don’t
understand. No one does. Kems love their hosts. No other
company is superior.” He looked down at Linis and a small
smile crept onto his lips. “And no other company is superior
to them.” He bent down and nuzzled the top of Linis’s tawny
head. “They’re the perfect companion, and you’re all Pyon
needs—or would be if you let it.”

“You make it sound like you don’t need other people in

your life.”

“I don’t.” The coldness was back. “This isn’t about me.

This is about you. Will you commit to working or not? I
don’t have time to waste if you won’t.”

“I will. I want to do whatever it takes.”
“Then dispose of that trash, and fetch yourself water, a

chicken salad and a wholemeal roll. No coffee, no butter. A
big glass of water. Pyon will wait for you.”

Though stung more than a little by the haughty tone, Julian

did exactly as ordered. When he returned and sat down, he
opened his mouth to ask another question, but Ledbetter

stopped him.

“No. Eat. Concentrate on that task alone. Enjoy the food,

and then let Pyon enjoy it. Take your time—you have an
hour. Use it.”

It was the strangest and most uncomfortable meal Julian

had ever had, trying to concentrate on his food while three
pairs of eyes watched him. He wouldn’t have thought eating
a simple chicken salad—which wasn’t too bad, really, even
with the vegetables—would have been so hard. His fingers
seemed to have forgotten how to hold a fork, or how to break
open a bread roll without making a mess. Ledbetter said
nothing as he watched, stroking Linis and Pyon with the same
careful attention as he’d shown to them before.

At last the damn food had gone. “Happy?” Julian asked

as he put his fork down.

“It’s nothing to do with me…ah, see? He was hungry,”

Ledbetter said when Pyon suddenly jumped up and into
Julian’s chest. “And I bet he’ll stay out longer this time.”

“What does how I eat have to do with Pyon?” Julian was

sure this guy was making fun of him.

Ledbetter regarded him coolly. “You wolf down your

food and never taste it, so of course you don’t really enjoy it.
You choose food that is easy and simple in flavour, which is
digested too quickly and which leaves you hungry a short
time later. Kems need the same things which make a person
healthy—good

quality

protein,

vegetables,

complex

carbohydrates, monosaturated fat—and water,” he said,
pushing Julian’s glass at him. “And knock off the coffee—
it’s very bad for you and for him.”

“I get headaches without it.”
“You get headaches because you’re addicted to the

caffeine. It’s doing you no good, and not even keeping you
awake. If you can’t cut it out immediately, cut down, and on
the weekend, quit completely. Switch to tea, if you must.
Kems are very sensitive to certain drugs, and caffeine is one
of the worst.”

“Okay,” Julian agreed reluctantly. It made sense—but he

did love his coffee. “So I eat right and Pyon will be better?”

“It’s a start, but it’s not enough. You need a full eight

hours’ sleep each night, and you need to exercise.”

“I don’t have time,” Julian said. “And gym memberships

cost—”

Ledbetter made the ‘tch’ sound again. “How far do you

live from work?”

“Uh…about two miles. I catch a bus.”
“Yes, which takes you about twenty minutes. Walk—it’ll

take you very little longer. When you toughen up a bit you
can start running.”

“Running! I’ve never done it—well, at school, but I was

really crap—“

Ledbetter stood up quite suddenly. Linis leapt up onto his

shoulders to stare down as disdainfully as his host. “You

said you wanted to work, yet every suggestion I’ve made,
you’ve whined about. I don’t have time for this. I pity your
kem deeply—but you’re a waste of oxygen. Good day.”

Julian’s mouth, which had been hanging open, snapped

shut as Ledbetter walked away, long back stiff and straight,
Linis draped around his shoulders. “What the…?”

He thought they’d been having a conversation, and then…

That guy had the social skills of a lizard.

Damn it and he was late. He’d done nothing but be

chewed out and eat a salad for a whole bloody hour.

Pyon appeared at his desk while Julian distractedly

checked what new files had arrived. He looked just the same
—cheerful, scruffy and irresponsible. Adorable. Julian
scratched under his chin and then picked him up. “Can I
really help you, Pyon?”

Pyon chirped and cuddled close. Julian rubbed his face

on the top of Pyon’s soft-furred head and wondered if he
could do this—with or without the arrogant Mr Ledbetter’s
help. He just had no idea where to start.

He had to get healthy. A health food store? There was

one not far from the office, so he dropped in there after
work.

That turned out to be one of his less clever ideas—not

only did Pyon go berserk (after being unusually quiet that
afternoon, which had lulled Julian into a false sense of
security) but in between chasing after him and apologising

furiously, Julian couldn’t find anything that looked like real
food at all among the shelves and shelves of dried up, brown
and unappealing things that he couldn't begin to name, or the
jars and cans and cartons of mysterious, insanely expensive
pills and powders making elaborate claims that, frankly, he
found incredible. All the books were either about losing
weight or becoming a muscleman. Not a single one was
about looking after kems—or just becoming a normal healthy
person. Healthier, he told himself. He wasn’t sick. Pyon
was, and that was enough.

Thinking of Ledbetter’s scorn, he ignored the bus stop

and began the long walk home—but quickly realised his
office shoes were just not suitable for this. Damn it! He
needed shoes, and good food, and a book on what to eat, or
something! All of which meant going into the centre of town
to the main shops—and Pyon was already up to mischief. Of
course his kem reappeared just as he pondered all this.
“Can’t you just…stay inside while I shop? Please?”

Pyon chirped, licked his chin and then disappeared.

Julian blinked. Was that all he had to do? Ask nicely?

“Pyon?”
His kem’s little head popped out of his chest, eyes alert,

waiting for Julian to tell him what he wanted. “You’re a
good boy, Pyon,” Julian said—for the first time in his life—
and Pyon trilled with delight. Julian patted him. “Now, you
stay in there while I sort this out. It’ll take about an hour.”

And damned if Pyon didn’t actually seem to be listening.
Why hadn’t it occurred to him to just ask before?

The excursion took a bit more than an hour but at the end

he had a new pair of trainers, a sack full of vegetables, fish
and other expensive necessities, and a book on healthy
eating. By then he was just too footsore to contemplate the
walk back, so he read his book on the bus home, and almost
missed his stop, he was so engrossed. Only as he put his key
in the lock did he remember that Pyon was probably waiting
for permission to come out again.

“Pyon?’
His kem bounced out joyfully and leapt onto his shoulder

so he could lick Julian’s ear and cuddle up to his hair.

“Wow, you missed me. I'm sorry, little fella.”
Ledbetter seemed to be right about that too—all Pyon

really wanted from him was love and attention. And
manners.

Supper was grilled turkey, stir-fried vegetables and

brown rice. He realised that he’d have to invest in more
cooking utensils and probably some cookbooks too. The
food sat well on his stomach, though, and Pyon was quiet and
no more than pleasantly playful. Score another point to
Ledbetter and his strange obsession with kems.

Filled with good intentions, he spent the evening cleaning

the apartment, did his laundry and ironing, and sorted out his
food stores. Then he made a list of what he needed to buy

when he went grocery shopping next. Pyon took a great
interest in that, perhaps somehow working out it was to
benefit him, sniffing at the list and even licking it at one
point.

“Hey, that’s not good nutrition. Paper’s not listed in the

book!” Pyon chirped, walked over on top of the list and then
lay down on his back, paws wagging. “I see—that’s a hint, is
it?”

Julian ruffled Pyon’s tummy fur and grinned at the inane

look of pleasure on his kem’s face. He couldn’t remember
the last time Pyon had felt like such good company. Was this
all it took? Some attention, some decent food? All these
years of complaining about his annoying kem, and the answer
was this simple?

He looked up more information about diet and food on

line and then at ten took himself firmly to bed. Pyon curled
up on his head but Julian didn’t complain this time. It felt
kind of nice, actually.

The walk to work in new shoes nearly killed him,

especially as he’d foregone his breakfast coffee and had a
vicious headache as a result. But Pyon loved it, popping out
to run around and explore with little squeaks and chirps of
pleasure, and Julian had to admit it made a pleasant change
from staring down someone’s cleavage or at the spots on the
back of their neck for twenty minutes. He’d overestimated
the time it would take to make the trip so he arrived ten

minutes early—the first time ever—and Carole looked about
ready to faint with shock as Julian walked in.

“Coming in early to fix up a mess?”
“No, I just felt like walking,” Julian said airily, giving

her a grin and sauntering casually down the hall. Pyon sat
sedately on his shoulder the whole time, though he ran off as
soon as Julian got to his desk.

There Julian could take the new trainers off and massage

his aching feet. He was supposed to walk home too—it’d
kill him. But he felt good—sweaty, but good. The headache
was pretty fierce, though. He reached for his desk drawer
where he kept the aspirin, but then stopped. Ledbetter had
said kems were sensitive to drugs. Was aspirin one of them?
He wished he could just email the sod and ask him but he’d
rather gnaw his arm off at the elbow than face that man again.
He shut the drawer and squinted against the headache as best
he could.

Being healthy took a lot of work. He had to think about

eating, instead of just grabbing stuff. He had to make time to
do more shopping, and go to more places than the one store
he’d been using. He had to spend more time cooking, and
then cleaning up instead of just throwing containers away.
And the walking was tough at first, though after ten days, he
found it a lot easier. But the change in Pyon was nothing
short of a miracle—people in the office started to notice
after the third day. A week later, and Julian could see the

change in Pyon’s fur as well as his behaviour. It made him so
ashamed that he’d let his kem suffer all these years for the
want of so little, but Pyon didn’t hold a grudge, or care. He
was happy and healthy and that made Julian ridiculously
happy too.

He’d seen Ledbetter at a distance a couple of times, but

always made himself scarce, memories of that icy flaying far
too fresh for him to want to invite a repeat. He hadn’t seen
him again in the canteen—perhaps Ledbetter was avoiding
him too, or maybe it had just been a one off, since the senior
staff didn’t eat there much. Whatever the reason, Julian was
glad not to have had another bruising encounter with the man.

Julian promised himself over this weekend, he would

look into buying a set of weights, and maybe even a gym
membership, though he didn’t like the idea much. The
problem was, he’d never been particularly sporty, and
neither were his friends, most of whom were computer nerds
and gamers. Julian didn’t really have a competitive bone in
his body. All he’d ever wanted was an easy life. He was
saving to travel and that was his long-term goal, but right
now, he just wanted to work and live without any hassle. His
mother fretted about him getting married. Telling her he was
gay would lead to hassle, so he hadn’t. Fortunately, he only
saw them every couple of months, and his brother was
getting married at the end of the year, so that took the
attention off him. With any luck, he’d have saved enough to

travel before he had to have another uncomfortable
conversation about the girlfriends he didn’t have.

The canteen was a bit of a challenge food-wise, but going

out at lunchtime meant jostling with hundreds of other
workers for the few takeaways around the office and the
food wasn’t worth the effort. But by now he had it worked
out, and his lunch was as healthy as he could reasonably
make it. Pyon perched on his shoulder and peered over to
supervise Julian selecting low fat milk, a salad without too
much dressing, chicken breast, wholegrain bread, and a
tangerine. Adding fruit was something he still had to think
about, but he’d rediscovered his childhood love of oranges
and bananas, and he’d already noticed how much Pyon
seemed to appreciate the change in his diet.

He knew when he’d got it right because Pyon would sit at

his desk after lunch, trilling quietly for hours and hours,
letting Julian pet him, and never running off or
dematerialising. Every day it seemed, someone had to stop
and do a double take at the sight of the former pest, behaving
so politely. Edward had made a bitchy remark about drugs,
but had walked off when Julian sweetly asked if that was his
secret too. Bastard.

He’d timed the meal to miss the first lunchtime rush, but

it was still busy, and noisy with the crash of cutlery against
china, and people raising the voices to be heard against the
din. He paid and took his tray, looking around for a place…

oh. Ledbetter was there in the corner again. Alone, again.

Pyon meeped quietly in Julian’s ear, and that made him

decide to face the music. If nothing else, he owed Ledbetter
for Pyon’s improvement and if the guy told him to buzz off,
then…well, he’d have done the honourable thing. Feeling
morally superior and fit would be great.

Ledbetter jerked up as Julian sat down—he hadn’t

noticed him approach at all. “Excuse me,” he said coldly,
going to stand.

“Forty-three,” Julian said quickly.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Forty-three. Miles. That’s how many I’ve walked since

I saw you last.”

Ledbetter looked completely bewildered, his anger

swamped by confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Walking. You said, eat better, walk more, sleep more.

Well, I did. And now look at him. Pyon? Come out, let him
look at you.”

Pyon, who’d ducked up behind Julian’s neck as soon as

he’d spotted Linis, crept out onto his shoulder. “That’s it.
Come down and let Zack look at you.”

“My name is not ‘Zack’, thank you. Mr Ledbetter to the

assistants, in any event.” But then his expression softened.
“Oh, Pyon, you’re looking very fine. That’s it, come here.”

He sat down and put his hand out, palm up, and Pyon

walked down Julian’s arm and across the table. He meeped

a little when he saw Linis staring, but Ledbetter crooned
encouragement, and soon Pyon sat on his hand, trilling away
as Ledbetter stroked his fur.

“Hmmm, he does look somewhat better.”
“And he’s much quieter.”
“Well, of course. It’s not magic. So you just came over

here to boast?”

Pyon sat up at Ledbetter’s changed tone and looked back

over his shoulder at Julian. Julian put out his hand and his
kem came back to him, looking for a cuddle which Julian
readily gave him. “Sort of. “ Ledbetter snorted. “No, wait.
I…you were right and I was rude. I wanted to show you I
was prepared to work. I bought shoes and a wok and
everything. I'm going to look for a gym tomorrow.”

“Waste of time and money—it’s boring, Pyon will loathe

it, and all you’ll do is put on muscle and look like an idiot.
Running is the best thing. Kems love it—getting out in the
fresh air, seeing new things. I'm sure it’s more effort than
you’re prepared to go to, though.”

“It’s not! I just…have no idea about how to do it. I just

remember school and hating it…and…” He fell quiet, aware
he was whining again. “If you think it’s best, I’ll do it. I can
find a book, I suppose.” Ledbetter said nothing. “Okay,
well…I thought you’d be pleased to see how Pyon was
doing.” He stood up and picked up his tray—Pyon scrambled
up his jacket and up onto his shoulder again. “Thanks for

your help.”

He turned, cheeks hot with embarrassment. He shouldn’t

have bothered. Pyon licked his ear and squeaked softly.
Julian balanced the tray on one hand and reached up with the
other to pet his kem. “Don’t worry about it. How about we
go for a really long walk somewhere tomorrow? I’ll catch a
train out to the country park and we can get out in the sun.
You’d like that.” Pyon squeaked again, more excitedly.

“Julian?”
He stopped, then turned. Zachary Ledbetter stood there,

his hands clasped together. “If you’re serious, meet me in
Twyford Park by the cattle statue at five am tomorrow.”

“F-five?” Ledbetter’s expression turned stony. “Uh…it’s

just—it’s still dark. Do I need a torch or anything?”

“It’s not dark and no. Bring proper running shoes and a

bottle of water and wear shorts. I won’t wait for you.”

“Okay.”
Ledbetter swept off, but Linis turned to watch the two of

them with his unblinking golden eyes all the way until
Ledbetter was lost from sight.

Julian stood frozen until someone bumped him, then he

hastily moved back to Ledbetter’s vacated table. Five in the
morning? The man was crazy. And what were proper running
shoes? Did his trainers count?

Apparently not, as a trip to the shoe store proved. Julian

walked out richer for a pair of hi-tech running shoes and

lighter by a lot more money than he’d expected to spend on
any item of clothing. He had to spend more money at the
sports clothing store as well, since he didn’t own shorts or
sport socks or the headband and wristbands the assistant
assured him were essential, as was a strange water bottle
with handle he was apparently supposed to carry in his hand.

He tried everything on at home and felt like a complete

prat. Pyon thought the wristbands were toys and played with
them all evening, chasing them all over the floor. Julian
didn’t have the heart to stop him. Tomorrow would be awful.
And Ledbetter would laugh at him, no question about it.

He really, really didn’t want to wake up, and Pyon didn’t

appreciate it either, his plaintive high whine following Julian
around as he stumbled about and got dressed in his new,
ridiculous clothes. The park was only a quarter of a mile
from his apartment—he walked as fast as he could, hoping to
somehow miraculously become fit enough to keep up with
the sleek Mr Ledbetter, and also to warm up because it was
damn chilly. And it was dark, although by the time he
reached the park, dawn was just starting. The air smelled
moist and leafy, and traffic noises didn’t sully the park’s
quietness. Lovely, he had to admit. But getting up at this hour
just to see it? Not worth it.

Ledbetter was there by the statue, making a torturous

looking movement with his body Julian really hoped the man
didn’t expect him to copy. The guy had the longest legs…and

those high cut shorts left nothing to the imagination. Really
nice arse too. Pity he was very obviously straight—but he
was well out of Julian’s class anyway. Also—a bastard. An
important consideration, that.

Ledbetter stood up and seemed surprised to see Julian.

“Oh. You came.”

“Of course I did. Where’s Linis?”
“Inside. He’s still resting. Pyon?”
“Sulking. He didn’t like getting up so early.”
Ledbetter smiled briefly, teeth flashing white in the dim

light. “No, kems aren’t really morning creatures. But this is
the best time for a run.”

“I really haven’t done this for over ten years. I don’t want

you pitching a fit at me for not keeping up.”

“I’ve taken account of that in my plans for this morning,

don’t worry. Let me look at your gear.”

Julian blinked in shock, until he realised the man meant

his shoes and things. Ledbetter wasn’t entirely happy with
the shoes but said they’d do for now.

“They were expensive!” Julian protested.
“Yes,” Ledbetter said, packing quite a lot of derision into

a single word and one suggestive sniff. “That doesn’t mean
they’re any good. But you won’t be pushing them too hard
today so I won’t ask you to change them.”

Julian bristled. “I can’t afford to change my shoes to suit

you.”

“You won’t. You’ll change them to suit you. Now stop

talking and listen. We start with a warm up.”

Julian remembered now why he’d hated running at

school. And sports. And physical exercise of any kind. It
made him look like a dork with a capital ‘duh’. It didn’t help
that all the stretches and deep bends and arm raises and
lunges which perfectly emphasised his pudgy out-of-
shapedness, only served to demonstrate the length and
strength and…well, classical beauty of Ledbetter’s body. If
the man had been the least bit aware of his own physical
perfection, it would have been completely obnoxious.
Instead, it was merely annoying. A lot, actually, but he’d
survive. Julian wasn’t out here to compare himself to Mr
Perfect. He was out here because it was good for him and
thus good for Pyon.

The exercise exhausted him—and they hadn’t even done

any running. As he stood panting and wondering if it was too
late to back out, Ledbetter took off his watch. “Put this on,”
he ordered, holding it out.

“I already have a watch.”
“It’s not a watch, it’s a heart rate monitor. Put it on.”
Perplexed, Julian obeyed and then Ledbetter asked,

“How old are you?”

Julian raised his eyebrows in frank disbelief. “I beg your

pardon?”

The man looked annoyed as he repeated, “How old are

you?”

“Twenty-six but what—“
“Then if that,” he pointed to the monitor, “indicates your

heart rate is above one-fifty-five at any point, slow down
until it slows down. Your safe maximum heart rate is
determined by your age.”

“But won’t you need it?”
Ledbetter flashed a quick smile. “We won’t be running

hard enough to tax me this morning. Ready? You should call
Pyon—he’ll enjoy this. Linis? Come on, you love this bit.”

Linis appeared and jumped down to the ground a little

ahead of them, looking expectant. When Julian summoned
Pyon, his kem still seemed put out. Julian gave him a cuddle
and set him on the ground. Pyon scurried around behind him
to get away from Linis.

“I don’t understand why he does that,” Julian said,

confused by the strange reaction.

“Sometimes it takes a while for them to make friends.

Don’t worry. Now, let’s go. We’ll take it easy, and you
watch your heart rate.”

As exercise for his body, it wasn’t much of a success. As

an exercise in humiliation, it was perfect. He managed to run
for all of thirty seconds before he stopped, out of breath. He
expected Ledbetter to yell at him, but the man just told him to
walk until he felt able to run again. The next burst was even
shorter. In the end, he managed a mere fifteen minutes before

he called for mercy, and his face was hot from
embarrassment as much as exertion.

His heart pounded, his pulse throbbing in his forehead

like he was about to burst something. He gulped down air
into a dry throat, holding onto a tree to support himself,
sipping water before he could speak. “Even I know…that’s
pathetic,” he gasped out to forestall the sarcasm.

“It’s pretty much what I expected,” Ledbetter said.

“You’ll do better next time. You need to cool down with
more exercises.”

“Next time? Tomorrow?”
“No. We’ll talk about this. Come on—you need to do

this, and then you can wait while I do a proper run.”

More bending and stretching and embarrassing postures,

with Ledbetter simply demonstrating before Julian did as he
asked.

Finally, he was allowed to sit on a bench. Ledbetter

hadn’t even broken into a sweat. By now it had warmed up
slightly but Julian was dripping wet and the gentle breeze
was cold. Ledbetter tsked at him not having a sweater to
wear. “Sit there, drink some more water, play with Pyon. I’ll
be twenty minutes. Can I have my monitor back?”

Wearily Julian stripped the thing from his wrist and

handed it over. Ledbetter put it on, pressed a button and then
headed off. Julian was too tired to raise more than a flicker
of admiration for the way the perfect arse moved as

Ledbetter ran.

Pyon appeared from wherever he’d been exploring—

he’d run along with them, keeping pace easily, and really had
seemed to enjoy it. Now he was looking for cuddles and that
being all Julian was up for, he was glad to comply. Pyon’s
fur felt good against his chilled skin. His kem was fascinated
by his sweat and general condition, needing to sniff and lick
just about everywhere before he’d settle down around
Julian’s shoulders. That felt nice. And sitting here in the
quiet, watching the brightening sky through the trees, was
kind of pretty.

Actually, now he’d got his breath back, he didn’t feel too

bad. Almost like he could do a little more running, but he
thought he better not push his luck. It was nice here, the clean
morning air sweet and cool, the birds and bugs and flowers a
nice change from his apartment. He’d come here a few times,
but never this early. If Ledbetter said this was what he had to
do to get fit, well…it wasn’t so bad.

He saw Linis before he saw Ledbetter, the tawny kem

bounding along with his big fluffy tail erect and cheerful
above him. Pyon meeped anxiously when he saw him, but he
didn’t run away, and actually came to sit in Julian’s lap to
wait for Ledbetter to stop and then do the same set of
exercises as Julian had. Now the man was sweaty, but
grinning—he’d enjoyed himself.

“Come on, I want to walk back before I get cold. Next

time, bring something you can wrap around your waist.”

Julian fell into step, their kems walking ahead of them,

carefully apart with tails erect. “So when is next time?”

“You’ll be sore tomorrow—you’ll need to take it easy.

Go for a long, gentle walk—definitely no running. If you’re
feeling better on Monday, then you can jog again.”

“At five o'clock? Before work?”
Ledbetter didn’t answer. Julian glanced at him. There

was a distinctly guilty expression on those elegant features.

“Well…on that point. You don’t actually have to get up

at five.”

Julian stopped so he could glare properly. “No? So what

are we doing up at this ridiculous hour?” It wasn’t even six
yet!

“I…uh…wanted to see if you were serious.”
“Mr Ledbetter, you’re a prick.”
To his surprise, the man only grinned. “Yes, I suppose I

am. But you turned up, and that impressed me.”

“So, what, do I get a medal? You’ll stop being so nasty to

me?”

“I'm never nasty. I tell people uncomfortable truths. They

don’t care for it much.”

“Especially when you’re so snotty about it.”
Ledbetter’s smile slipped. “You know what to do now.

You should buy a better pair of shoes of that brand I
mentioned, and a heart rate monitor. There’s a club who run

in the park. If you join them, you’ll get a lot of advice. I need
a shower. Good day.”

Julian caught his arm. “Wait! Are you angry with me?”
The man’s eyes were shuttered, revealing nothing. “I’ve

done what’s necessary, you’ve demonstrated a commitment
to good health and Pyon has already benefited. There’s little
more I can add. I see no reason to detain you further.”

“But…” Julian frowned in perplexity. “Why don’t you

have breakfast with me? My apartment’s just around the—“

“No, I don’t think—“
“Or there’s a coffee shop that does healthy stuff—I

checked. Come on, you can’t tell me you’ve got something
more important to do at six am.”

“No.” But the man still looked as if he wanted to bolt. “I

need a shower and the café won’t be open…” He stopped
and smiled suddenly, confusing Julian completely. “See?
Told you they’d be friends eventually.”

Julian looked down and ahead. “Oh. Oh!” Pyon was

licking Linis who sat sedately as he was groomed, looking as
if it was merely his due. Pyon’s eyes were half-shut in
apparent ecstasy. “See? If you go home now, poor Linis and
poor Pyon… Come back to my place. It’s tidy, I swear and
I’ve got all the healthy stuff you could want.”

“I…I really don’t think it’s appropriate. You’re an

assistant.”

Julian gritted his teeth. “And you’re a snob. Pyon, come

on—we’re not good enough for his highness, apparently.”

Pyon bounced over, looked at Julian and then Ledbetter,

and meeped as if distressed. “It’s okay,” Julian said more
gently, picking him up. “Come on, let’s go home and eat.”

He started to walk away, but stopped when he heard a

very faint, “W-wait.” He took another step. “Please?”

He turned. Ledbetter held Linis in his arms, but though

his kem was calm and unruffled, the host was not. “I…that
was rude of me. I didn’t mean…it’s not that you’re not good
enough…I…”

“It’s only breakfast.”
“I’ve never done that before.”
“Breakfast?”
“Not…uh…not socially.”
“Oh. Well, I’ve never been jogging before, so we’re

even, right? If you don’t come, then I’ll be at a disadvantage
and that would be rude.”

“It would?”
“Oh yes,” Julian said, tucking Pyon up onto his shoulder

and coming back to grab Ledbetter’s arm.

But the bloody man still resisted. “I don’t even know

your surname.”

Crap, this guy was uptight. Julian stuck out his hand.

“Julian Godwin, nice to meet you.”

Hesitantly, the man accepted his gesture with his own

big, long-fingered hand. “Uh, Zachary Ledbetter, same.” He

shook Julian’s hand briefly, then let go.

“And never Zach, right?”
“Absolutely not.”
Julian grinned at his distaste. “Well, Zachary, how do

you feel about poached eggs and wholemeal toast?”

Ledbetter—Zachary—smiled rather shyly. “That sounds

lovely.”

Chapter 3

They stopped at Zachary’s apartment—and how strange

that he lived so close—so he could pick up a tracksuit to
throw over his sweaty clothes. Julian would have been
happy to wait for him to shower but the man seemed rather
reluctant for anyone to come into his private domain, so he
didn’t push. It was a big enough victory getting him to agree
to breakfast, after all. A short walk after that and they came
to Julian’s somewhat less swish apartment block. At least
he’d cleaned up the night before.

“It’s not as posh as yours, I'm sure,” he said, letting them

into the apartment. “How long have you been there?”

“Not quite a month. I only moved to the city recently. I

wanted a place by the park and the agent found it for me.”

“You own it?”
“Of course.”
Julian shook his head in amazement—the man didn’t look

that much older than him, but he was already out of the rent
trap. “Go sit. Tea? How many eggs?”

If it hadn’t been for Pyon’s sudden infatuation with Linis,

Julian thought that Zachary would have run after a single cup
of tea. That he found the situation uncomfortable, was
painfully obvious. But Pyon could be damn cute when he
wanted to be, and he turned on the charm, enchanting Zachary
and his kem both, pouncing from behind Julian’s arm,
begging for a petting with little mewls, and chasing a ball of

paper around the floor and finally curling around the thing as
if it was an egg he was trying to hatch. Then he jumped back
onto the table and demanded praise for his cleverness, which
Zachary was happy to give him.

Julian watched from the kitchen and grinned at Pyon

grooming and teasing the sedate and regal Linis, winning a
lick or two in the process and a lot of petting from Zachary.
The man seemed to be unaware of the effect he had on Julian
when he did that, and in the circumstances, Julian wouldn’t
mention it. It didn’t seem the right time to bring it up.

Breakfast was probably the easiest meal he could have

offered, and eggs were one of the few things Julian already
knew how to cook. They were both starving, so he served a
stack of food—toast, poached eggs, melon slices and milk—
which seemed to pass Zachary’s exacting standards. Zachary
didn’t talk as he ate, but once he was onto his second cup of
green tea, he relaxed a little. Julian felt he could ask him
more about jogging, and how breakfast fitted in around that.
He learned Zachary ran every day, usually in the morning,
but never to work.

“What about when it’s wet or cold?”
“I can still run. If it’s truly vile, I use my building’s gym

but Linis hates it.” He scratched between his kem’s ears.
Linis yawned delicately, and lying beside him, almost on top
of him, Pyon made a chirp as if he wanted petting too. Julian
stroked his tail and resisted telling his kem not to be a greedy

little sod. Pyon was almost drunk from all the affection he’d
received this morning. Julian had a suspicion that his kem
might even go home with Zachary if the man asked him
politely enough—which he better not.

“You know a lot about kems. Everyone else just takes

them for granted.”

Zachary winced, and Linis, apparently sensing his

changed mood, moved closer and butted his head up against
Zachary’s chest. Zachary picked him up and cuddled him
close while Pyon pawed lazily at Linis’s tail. “It’s
disgusting. Kems are as reliant on us as a child, and no one
would treat a child with such disdain. Just because they can’t
talk doesn’t mean they’re stupid. We know so little about
them, and yet we feel free to dismiss them as nothing but
extensions of our egos.”

“No one knows what they are—or where they came from.

Or where they go when we die either.”

“They die.” Zachary’s green eyes were full of dark

sorrow now and he rubbed his cheek against Linis’s head. “I
know people like to think they’re reincarnated or they go off
somewhere…but I think they die, like we do. So we have to
give them as much time as we can.”

Pyon meeped and ran back to Julian for reassurance at

Zachary’s harsh tone. “Hey,” Julian said as he took his kem
into his arms. “Don’t get upset.”

“I can’t…I just can’t help it. The beautiful kems I’ve

known who’ve died too soon because of utter selfishness of
their hosts. Creatures with hearts and souls more pure than
any human, lost because of idiocy.”

Well this was taking a turn for the worse, Julian thought.

The man looked about to burst into tears. “Lots of people die
young through no fault of their own, you know.”

“And lots of people pay no attention to the fact they’re

responsible for another living creature and behave as if they
can do exactly as they want. Their poor kems have no choice
in the matter. I would never grieve for a human the way I
have for those lost souls.”

“You might. If you loved them. If your parents died, you

would.”

Zachary’s eyes turned from grief-stricken to icy disdain

in a flash. “No, I wouldn’t.”

“Oh. Sorry. You don’t get on with them?”
The man looked away. Obviously a touchy point.
Julian decided to drop the subject. “Um…more tea?”
Heavy silence persisted for some time, Zachary stroking

Linis with an absent expression, while Julian cleared up and
discreetly comforted Pyon, who clearly knew something was
wrong but just as obviously had no idea what.

Julian made a fresh pot of tea and then nudged Pyon

across the table back to his new friends. Zachary roused as
Pyon climbed his arm up to his shoulder and meeped in his
ear. “Oh, hello—are you feeling neglected? Linis, manners.”

His kem stretched and yawned, and then climbed up

Zachary’s arm to sit on his other shoulder. Julian grinned at
the sight of the two kems bookending Zachary’s head.
“You’ve won him right over.”

“I did nothing. Linis is the one with all the charm. Not

that Pyon isn’t charming too,” he added, reaching up and
scratching Pyon’s tummy. Pyon squirmed with delight and
tried to burrow into Zachary’s hair, his fluffy tail swatting
the man in the face as he wriggled about. Zachary didn’t
seem to mind the indignity in the least—and yet if a person
had taken that kind of liberty…

“He’s like another creature altogether. I wish I’d met you

years ago.” Julian stopped, embarrassed, as he realised how
that sounded.

Zachary didn’t seem to notice. “I didn’t live here years

ago, so you couldn’t have. At least you’ve started well. Just
don’t become slack because it seems easier. You owe it to
him.”

“I know. I won’t.”
“Good.” He glanced at his watch. “It’s eight o’clock and

I’ve imposed long enough. I should go home and change.
Thank you for breakfast…it was…pleasant.”

“Surprised at that?”
“Yes. I…yes.” He smiled a little shyly. “I…don’t know

anyone here.”

“Now you know two of us. Hey, I’ve got an idea. You

said I’d be too sore to jog—but I promised Pyon I’d take him
out to the country tomorrow, by train. Want to come? If you
don’t know the area, then you could—“

“Uh…actually, I'm busy.”
It was said too fast for it to be the truth, or the whole

truth, but Julian tried not to be offended. “Oh. Oh, right. Yes.
Well, maybe next weekend or something. There’s a big
country park about forty miles from here. You can get there
by train. I keep meaning to go there when the weather’s good
but I never get around to it. You’d like it.” He shut up—he
was babbling.

“I’m sure I would.” Zachary stood. “I…uh…I might be

able to rearrange things. When will you be going?”

“In the morning sometime? You could drop over and let

me know after you go for a jog. Ring the bell or something
and tell me. I can wait.” Damn it, he could just give the guy
his telephone number, but he had a feeling that would just
send Zachary running for the hills.

“All right. I, uh…thank you for the invitation. And

breakfast.”

“Thank you for the torture.”
Zachary grinned a little. “It’s fun.”
“I bet. Let me walk you out.”
Pyon rode on Zachary’s shoulder all the way down to the

street, and only very reluctantly climbed back onto Julian at
Zachary’s urging.

“See you tomorrow, maybe?” Julian said.
“Yes. Maybe. Thank you.” Zachary hurried away from

him as if his arse was on fire.

Julian was now convinced that the guy’s problem wasn’t

that he was a terrible snob but that he was terribly shy.
Which, wow, if Julian looked like that and had his
advantages? Would really not be a problem.

He turned to go back into the building. Pyon squeaked

and then dematerialised—hungry, Julian guessed. It had been
a long morning and it was still earlier than he would
normally get up on the weekend.

An engine revved and he heard a horrible squeal of tyres.

Bloody traffic morons. That was the worst part of living on
this—

Then came a screech, and a dull, glassless thud. A

second later a woman screamed.

Not a fender-bender. The car had hit a person, not

another vehicle. And the woman screamed again, this time
for help.

Zachary!
He pelted down the street, desperately hoping he was

wrong, that he hadn’t just heard—

Near the corner crossing, Zachary lay in the street,

bloodied and horribly broken and not at all alive. Already
people were clustered around, one crouched at Zachary’s
side. A car was stopped a little across the intersection, the

driver surrounded by other people.

Julian paid him them no attention as he dropped to his

knees beside the too still body. “Somebody, call a bloody
ambulance!” he yelled, staring desperately up at the sea of
faces. “Call an ambulance!”

Chapter 4

They wouldn’t let him ride with Zachary to hospital but a

nice woman gave him a lift in her car, following the
ambulance as closely as possible, and offering words of
comfort that Julian barely heard. His hands were covered in
Zachary’s blood—a passing nurse had stopped to offer
assistance, and Julian had done what he could using his own
workplace first aid training, which wasn’t much. Identifying
himself as the victim’s friend meant the paramedics asked
him a lot of questions he had no idea of the answers for, then
the police wanted more information. He could help them a
little more since they wanted to know where Zachary lived
and why he’d been on the street. But once Zachary had been
loaded into the ambulance, Julian insisted on being allowed
to go with him. The police let him leave—he wasn’t a
witness, and there were plenty of other people who’d seen
the accident who could help instead.

“Are you going to be all right, love?” the kind woman

asked as she let him out at Emergency. “You look very pale.”

“I…uh…just need to know how he is.”
“Then you go find out. Good luck—and remember,

people can survive much worse things.”

He watched her for a second or two as she drove away.

Yes, people could survive worse. But they died in car
accidents all the time, and Zachary had looked very bad. It

had taken the paramedics a long time to stabilise him before
they could load him up.

His bloodied state raised a few questions at Reception

but when they found out he wasn’t injured, he was told to
wait with all the unfortunate friends and relatives of people
being treated. The receptionist suggested that Mr Ledbetter’s
family be contacted if Julian knew how to—but he didn’t.
That ended his usefulness, apparently.

It became clear this would take more than a couple of

hours, and his filthy state had already drawn a lot of curious
looks. He took himself off to the small public bathroom to
clean himself up. The place smelled like urine and
unpleasant chemicals, and wasn’t particularly sterile. The
soap dispenser was nearly empty and he had to use half a
dozen paper towels before he removed the worst of the
blood from his clothes and hands.

Pyon, who’d been so very good and kept himself out of

sight while the worst was happening, now popped up and
wanted reassuring.

“You and me both, little guy,” Julian said cuddling his

kem, staring at his reflection in the mirror and wondering if
Zachary was already dead. And Linis too. His eyes filled
suddenly. No. No, not Linis too. Not both of them. He’d only
just stopped hating the guy.

The waiting room was no one’s idea of a pleasant place

to be. The television showed cartoons and then a series of

inane soaps. Some of the waiting people stared at it slack-
jawed, but most ignored it. There wasn’t much else to
occupy the attention, and the bored wandered in and out to
make mobile phone calls, smoke or just get out of the foetid,
sickly air inside. Julian didn’t dare leave in case someone
called him to tell him about Zachary.

It was two o’clock in the afternoon before he got any

news at all, and that was only to tell him that he couldn’t
have any specific information because he wasn’t a relative.
“I don’t care—I want to stay here until he’s okay,” he told
the doctor.

“That’s going to be some time,” she said. “Mr

Ledbetter’s uncle is flying in tonight and there will be some
decisions about treatment to be made. You can’t do anything
for him right now. Mr Ledbetter is unconscious and will
remain so for at least twenty-four hours—no visitors either.”

“I'm staying.”
She sighed. “Up to you. But if you want my advice, you’ll

go home, change, get some rest and come back tomorrow.”

“What about his kem? Is Linis okay?”
“Kems typically dematerialise when the host is injured.

We haven’t seen his, but that’s not unusual. You surely know
they can’t be injured. Now, please, I have other people to
see.”

He stood disconsolately as she walked away. Pyon

meeped enquiringly and rubbed his face against Julian’s

cheek. She was right—he did need to change and eat, at least
for Pyon’s sake. But he’d come back here afterwards.

He left a message at the office to tell them briefly what

had happened—he had no idea when it would be picked up,
but he didn’t care particularly since work was the last thing
on his mind. Two messages on his own phone from friends,
he ignored—they'd have to wait. He could email them later
but he just couldn't deal with anything else now. Then he
showered and changed, and ate a proper meal, and told Pyon
to go inside so he could nourish himself properly. He felt
fairly useless—he didn’t know Zachary’s family or friends
so couldn’t tell them. The only thing he could do was swing
past the man’s apartment building and let his neighbours
know, but he discovered none of them had actually met
Zachary. He delivered the information, hoped he wasn’t
setting Zachary up to be burgled, and then he hailed a taxi
and headed back to the hospital.

No change, no more information. Pyon didn’t like the

hospital—neither did the other kems, from what he could
see. Too many people in distress, angry, worried or bored,
and with no interest in playing with their kems or anyone
else’s. Only the children, with their tiny symbiotes, had time
for them. Pyon played a little with the younger kems and the
children too, who adored him, but most of the time, he spent
with Julian, curled up on his lap and swishing his tail against
Julian’s hand, or begging for cuddles and petting. He seemed

as worried as Julian, and it made Julian wonder just how
much Pyon knew of what was going on.

The room was hot, ugly and smelled of desperation and

unwashed people. Without his kem for company, he’d have
gone nuts, but it was still damn boring. The only thing he’d
learned was that Zachary’s uncle was expected in around
midnight, still hours away. In the meantime, he could only
wait and worry—or go home, which he refused to do. He felt
someone should be here—it was wrong that Zachary, or
anyone, could be so badly injured with no one to wait for
them to wake up. But there wasn’t a lot he could do until that
happened.

At eight, his stomach rumbled. He’d brought some nuts

and dried fruit to stave off hunger but he thought he should
keep those until he had no other options. The hospital offered
a canteen some distance away, an all night tea and coffee
bar, and some hideously overpriced vending machines. He
went for the machines because they were closest and at least
they sold sandwiches and juice. Zachary’s lectures about
healthy eating hadn’t covered hospitals, but Julian felt he
should try to stick to the diet. Zachary would be furious if
Pyon suffered because of him.

He had just pressed the button for the juice and was

waiting for it to dispense when he heard a plaintive whine
and felt a clawing at his leg. But Pyon was on his shoulder…
He looked down and saw a familiar, if unexpected, kem,

batting at his ankle. “Linis? What are you doing here?”

He bent down and picked up the big kem, who wailed

and headbutted him. He’d never seen Linis upset at all
before.

“Hey, fella, you’re worried?” He cuddled him close, and

Pyon bent down to give his new friend a lick. Julian
collected his juice and took the food and his passengers back
to the hard and uncomfortable chair.

Linis was desperate for reassurance and affection—

desperate full stop, in fact. Did that mean…? Julian felt a
chill in his chest. Was Zachary…dying? He hugged the two
kems close to him and bit his lip. Would the hospital tell him
if he was?

But Linis seemed in good health, and surely if Zachary

was on the verge of death, he wouldn't be. He just seemed
rather lonely and worried. All Julian could do was try to
reassure him, let Pyon play and groom him, while he ate his
scratch meal and wondered what was going on behind the
closed doors of the emergency ward.

Linis disappeared from time to time, and Julian worked

out that he was popping back to check on Zachary. But he
always reappeared in minutes, distressed and in need of
more affection. Julian finally asked the receptionist if there
was any more news, but she couldn’t or wouldn’t tell him
anything more than he already knew.

Time dragged on. As night fell, the waiting room emptied

of the families and the idlers, leaving only the truly desperate
and worried, and even they mostly disappeared as they
received news, or their friends and loved ones came out,
bandaged or clutching a bag of medicine. Every so often
people would stagger in, either drunk or clutching a bloodied
head or hand. Their friends hung around while they were
treated and then left.

Julian alone kept a vigil all evening. Zachary would

probably be utterly bemused at him doing so, but he just…
had to.

At one am, a taxi pulled up outside and a tall, elderly

man carrying a smart, compact leather suitcase, came in
through the glass doors. Julian guessed at once who it was,
and went over to him. Though the man had to be seventy at
least, he had the same elegant bone structure and lean
physique as his nephew—and the same green eyes.

“Are you here for Zachary?”
“Why, yes.” The man seemed completely taken aback at

being accosted by a stranger. “I'm Leo Underwood, his great
uncle. Who are you?”

“Uh, Julian Godwin. He…we work together. Um…he’s a

friend.”

“You must be—is that Linis? Goodness, what are you

doing here, little fellow?” He reached out and patted
Zachary’s kem affectionately. His own kem, a small white
creature, materialised then and walked down his arm to sniff

and lick at Linis’s face, and then Pyon’s. “You and Zachary
must be close.”

“Um, not exactly. They won’t tell me what’s happening

with him. He was hit by the car just near my apartment. We’d
been jogging together—I feel awful.”

Underwood smiled wearily. “Not your fault, so don’t. Let

me speak to whomever I need to. Could you look after Linis
while I do that?”

He left his case with Julian and then went over to the

receptionist. He was taken almost immediately behind
scenes, leaving Julian with the two kems to wait again.

It seemed to take forever, though the clock on the wall

said it was only fifteen minutes before Leo Underwood
reappeared. He looked far more tired and depressed—the
news couldn’t have been good. Julian stood to hear the
worst.

“Is he going to be okay?”
“They’re not sure. He’s in critical care right now. The

injuries were severe.” He rubbed his eyes. “To be honest,
Julian…they warned me he could die.”

“No,” Julian whispered.
“I'm afraid so, yes. But he’s stable, and I believe he’s

being given excellent care. They told me to return in the
morning, to leave a contact number with them. I’ll stay at
Zachary’s apartment.”

“You could stay with me, if you like. His place isn’t far

from mine…and…um…”

“You want the company? Have you been here all day?”

Julian nodded. “My dear boy, you must be exhausted. I
accept your generous offer—a sorrow shared and all that.”

“What about Linis?”
“Let me talk to him. May I have your telephone number to

give the doctors?”

Julian scribbled it out, and the address—and his name,

just to be sure—and Underwood took it. “Let me sort this
out. Give me Linis, and if you could call a taxi?”

It was good to have someone who could make decisions

—who could get information, even if it was bad news. When
Julian finished ordering the car, he found the man talking
seriously to Linis in a low voice, his own kem listening
intently. Then he straightened and Linis disappeared. “I
asked him to keep an eye on our boy while we get some rest.
He understands we can’t be here all the time.”

“How do you know, sir?”
“I just do,” he said, smiling tiredly. “Please, call me Leo

—‘sir’ makes me feel my age and I really don’t need any
help with that. I hope that taxi comes soon. I'm not as young
as I used to be, and it was a tiresome flight.”

Julian was a lot younger but this worrying day and all the

waiting had exhausted him. The old man had to be close to
passing out. Since he couldn’t directly help Zachary, he
decided he would help Zachary’s uncle—and maybe learn a

little more about the mysterious Mr Ledbetter. It’d be a
distraction from worrying himself sick, at least.

They spoke little in the taxi, except to exchange the names

of their kems—Leo’s was called Nuji, and Pyon was already
his fast friend—and for Julian to explain his relationship
with Zachary a little better.

“I, uh, don’t know the names of his other friends. Are you

going to call his parents?”

“I can’t. They’ve been dead for over twenty years.”
“Oh.” Julian replayed that conversation in his head and

mentally smacked himself. It hadn’t been hostility—just deep
discomfort, possibly even grief, which had made Zachary go
all frosty. “No other relatives?”

“None, unless you count distant second and third cousins

that neither of us have ever met. There’s just me, and like
you, I don’t know his friends either. You’re the first one I’ve
ever encountered. I'm glad he’s found someone so loyal.”

Julian opened his mouth to say he’d do this for anyone,

then shut it. If Leo wanted the illusion of a close friendship,
what harm could it do? For all he knew, he was Zachary’s
best friend—which was a lonely, depressing thought in
itself. “He can’t die,” was all he said.

“I hope not. He’s young and fit and the doctors said he

had more than a fifty percent chance of making it. I'm a great
believer in those kinds of odds, Julian. Are we nearly
there?”

They were. Getting up the stairs and opening his front

door suddenly felt like enormously difficult tasks. But finally
he was home. That morning, Zachary had eaten breakfast
with him in this very place. Their dirty dishes still sat in the
sink. His heart went tight. Zachary just couldn’t die.

He set Leo’s suitcase down and tried to think what

needed to be done. “I, uh…need to change the sheets.”

Leo shook his head. “Please, Julian, I’ve slept on mud

floors. I just want to lie down. Politeness can wait.”

Julian was too tired to argue, though he did put out clean

towels and checked the bathroom was still respectable. He
didn’t even bother making up the sofa bed—he just grabbed
his pillow from the bedroom, swapping it for a spare, clean
one, and picked up a blanket. He was asleep in seconds,
Pyon clutched close to him.

He dreamed and he had nightmares, but when he woke,

shuddering, the memories slipped through his fingers, only
leaving sadness and confusion. He took a few seconds to
work out why he wasn’t in his bed, and what had woken him
—the answer was the same thing. Leo. The man, dressed in a
black and gold silk bathrobe, puttered quietly enough in the
kitchen but the unfamiliar noise—soft clinks of someone
trying to find mugs in a strange kitchen—had been enough to
interrupt Julian’s sleep.

He checked his watch. Just gone seven o’clock. Just over

twenty four hours since… God, he hoped Zachary was all

right.

Leo paused in the middle of pouring from the teapot as he

spotted Julian was awake. “Oh, I'm sorry, Julian. I
desperately needed some tea.”

Julian yawned and waved away the apology, wrapping

the blanket around his shoulders. “Did you call the
hospital?”

“Yes. No change. Which is good. The longer he survives,

the better his chances, so they told me.”

Julian found it hard to match the optimistic smile, but he

did his best. Nuji perched on Leo’s shoulder and Pyon
scrambled over to play. The two kems ended up on the floor,
chasing each other. Julian wondered about Linis and how he
was doing.

“We’re going back this morning, right?”
“Of course. Now I'm here, you don’t…but yes, of course

you do. Forgive me. And your company would be welcome,
but eat breakfast first. It’s going to be a long day. I’ve done
this kind of thing before.”

If the old man hadn’t been there, Julian would have

skipped it and gone straight back. He was grateful to have
someone making him be sensible. Finding breakfast for Leo,
forcing himself to shower and shave carefully, thinking about
what needed to be done for his guest’s comfort, was a
welcome distraction from his anxiety.

He was more than a little concerned about the stress on

Leo, especially when Leo let slip he was closer to eighty
than seventy. “You could wait here, you know. I could let
you know what’s going on.”

“No, I must go. Beside…the doctors said that someone

may have to make…but let’s not talk of such things. It won’t
come to that.”

“You mean, decisions about turning stuff off? You can’t!”
Leo winced. “I may have to. I'm his next of kin, Julian.

These things must be faced. But not now, and perhaps not at
all.”

“He’d want Linis kept alive.”
“I'm well aware of that. I promise I won’t make any

decision on such matters without talking to you, and
considering every possibility. But you see, I do need to be
there, though I should go to his apartment first, and see if
there’s anything that needs to be tended to.”

Once Leo had showered, and Julian had cleared up, they

set out. They walked because the apartment was so close,
though Julian had stiffened up just as Zachary had predicted.
He thought sorrowfully of the day in the country he’d hoped
to have—it seemed so long ago they’d talked about it, just
the day before.

Leo, despite his age, was quite sprightly on his long legs

—another similarity with his great-nephew. Julian wondered
how close the connection was, and as they walked, he asked
about the relationship. “Did you raise him? He must have

been a kid when his parents died.”

“Ah, sadly no. My sister and her husband—his mother’s

parents—brought him up, though I’d have dearly loved to
have done. My niece, ah, didn’t exactly approve of me.” He
smiled sadly. “But my sister and brother-in-law passed away
several years ago. There’s just Zachary and me now. I’ve
known him all his life. A fine, caring young man.”

“How old was he?”
“When his parents died? Only seven. It was an airline

crash—he was staying with my sister while his parents
attended a medical congress. Both doctors, you see. The
plane developed a critical fault, came down, and everyone
on board died. The only blessing was that Zachary wasn’t
one of them.”

“Yes.” Raised by his grandparents—that couldn’t have

been a lot of fun. “Are you two close then?”

Leo sighed. They’d arrived at Zachary’s apartment

building now and slowly climbed the stairs. “Not really,
though I’d have liked to have been. I keep in touch as much
as he allows. But he’s not really close to anyone that I know
of.”

They let themselves into the apartment. Julian wasn’t

surprised to find it spare and clean and elegant, much like its
owner. It was as large as his parents’ house—three
bedrooms, a large open sitting room, a kitchen and dining
area with a long polished wood dining table that might have

been an heirloom. One wall was entirely taken up with
books, not just law texts but books on dozens of different
topics. On a glass side table, a chess game was set up. There
were no messages on the answer phone or Zachary’s mobile.
No pictures of family or friends featured anywhere, no real
sign of the man himself—no degrees on display, or personal
touches. The abstract paintings on the wall were beautiful
but told him nothing of Zachary himself.

It felt lonely, and a little empty. Zachary hadn’t been

there long, though. Perhaps there were things in storage,
waiting to be unpacked. Julian hoped so. Pyon and Nuji
nosed around but even Julian’s curious kem couldn’t find
much to amuse himself. Sterile, that was the word.

There wasn’t much to do—when Zachary woke up, he’d

need personal things, books and so on, but that could wait.
Having checked messages and that there wasn’t any food left
out that could go off, they headed to the hospital. The only
news was that there was no news, but Leo’s arrival meant
that they could wait in the more comfortable and private
waiting room near the critical care ward, and he could
authorise Julian as a visitor. They were allowed to see
Zachary—and ‘see’ meant through a window, not in the same
room—though Julian kind of wished he hadn’t, afterwards.

“He looks terrible,” he whispered, staring at the monitors

and the traction device and all the equipment. And at the
horribly battered and pale form on the bed, dwarfed by all

the technology. He could barely see Zachary’s face—he was
on a breathing machine and the tubes and masks and tapes
obscured most of the skin that wasn’t covered in bandages.
Did the monitor readings mean he was doing okay or not?

“People look terrible in these situations, Julian. It’s

what’s going on inside that counts.” They heard a faint,
desperate cry. “Oh, Linis.”

Zachary’s kem came straight to Julian and Pyon, wailing

to be picked up. Julian gave him lots of cuddling and petting,
Leo and Nuji joining in. “He’s scared.”

Leo nodded. “Yes, and Zachary would be very pleased

you’re here to look after him. Come on, standing here and
staring won’t do anyone any good.”

For a while, they had the waiting room to themselves.

Julian didn’t feel like talking—the sight of Zachary and
seeing just how very ill he was, had shaken him up. Leo
respected his need to silence, entertaining himself by playing
with the three kems, especially Linis. Julian wondered if
Zachary knew how much his uncle loved him and Linis both,
and really hoped he’d live long enough to discover it, if he
didn’t.

A doctor came in close to midday to let Leo know the

latest. Zachary was holding his own, and the ventilator was
just to take the strain off him, not because he couldn’t breathe
without it. “Will he live?” Julian blurted out.

“He’s fighting hard,” the doctor said. “But we’re

cautiously optimistic.” Julian grinned at Leo who smiled in
obvious relief. “We’ll take him off the ventilator tomorrow
if he continues to do well, and we should see him waking up
then. Mr Underwood, he’s going to be sedated until then for
his own comfort—there’s really little point in you sitting
around here. If there’s a crisis, we can call you. You’re not
staying far from here, are you?”

“I want to stay,” Julian said.
“Yes,” she said, “I understand. But Zachary will be with

us for a couple of weeks or more. He’ll need you when he
wakes up. I suggest you take Mr Underwood home, both of
you take it easy, and stay where we can contact you. Nothing
will happen so fast that you won’t get back here in time, I
promise.”

Leo grimaced. “Perhaps…Julian, I think we should.”
“What about Linis? He needs the company.”
The doctor held up her hands. “I’ll leave it up to you. But

this will be a long business, gentlemen. Zachary’s recovery
will take months. He’s in good hands here, and so is his
kem.”

She left them then. Julian sat down and called Linis up

onto his lap. Pyon jumped up too, and he stroked them both.
“You can go if you like, but I owe Zachary. I can’t abandon
Linis.”

“No. We can stay an hour or so. Linis understands, and

so long as he knows we’re coming back, he’ll be fine.

Tomorrow will be the day we’ll be needed.” Leo patted
Julian’s shoulder. “She’s right—we need to pace ourselves.”

“Who did you do this with before?”
“Friends. A lover, once, who had cancer.” Leo’s eyes

shadowed briefly. “When you get to my age, you accumulate
losses.”

“Did everyone die?”
“Some of them. But Zachary won’t, so let’s not talk of it.”
They stayed until another family came to use the waiting

room, so distressed and in need of privacy that it seemed
rude to hang around. Julian carried Linis back out to the
observation window. The kem made a distressed sound as he
saw Zachary lying there, and turned to Julian for
reassurance. Julian whispered words of comfort in one silky
ear, and petted him for as long as Linis wanted it. But then
the kem made it clear he wanted to be set down. He walked
over to Leo and rubbed himself against the man’s leg, then
went to Pyon and Nuji in turn, giving them sad little face
licks. The kems all seemed to know what was going on, and
it made Julian feel even worse about depriving Linis of their
company. But Linis took matters into his own paws, and with
a last quiet meep, he dematerialised. Seconds later, they saw
him on Zachary’s pillow, curled up next to his head.

“Do you suppose Zachary knows?” Julian asked.
“I can’t think it does him any harm, and I think it helps

Linis. Come on, we should get lunch and look after our little

kems too.”

Leo insisted on taking him out to lunch as a thank you to

Julian and to give them a break. He was, he confessed,
starving since his body clock was messed up, and he was
reluctant to put Julian to the strain of catering to his peculiar
dietary needs. Julian never ate in restaurants, so had no idea
what to recommend. They took a taxi to the city and ended up
choosing one at random, which Leo deemed suitable, and
Julian thought was well out of his price range. But Leo said
it was his treat and he could easily afford it.

“My family are disgustingly rich, I'm afraid. Zachary

doesn’t need to work, but he despises idleness as much as I
used to. I’ve…grown accustomed to its charms,” he added
with a wry smile.

Julian grinned back. He really liked this old guy—even if

he wasn’t much like his nephew at all.

The restaurant specialised in seafood, never Julian’s

favourite, but he was determined to try it, if only for
Zachary’s sake. He let Leo choose, and ended up with a very
nice salmon and shrimp pasta. Leo chose a grilled tuna steak,
which looked even more tempting. He declined to order any
wine, just asking for their best mineral water. Julian didn’t
mind—he didn’t drink much anyway. Not since University, at
least.

“Zachary would think this was pretty funny,” Julian said,

twirling some pasta on his fork. “You should have heard him

tear into me about my diet. He was right though—Pyon’s
been so much better.”

“Kems are his main obsession, but you probably know

that.”

“Do you know why?”
Leo ate a mouthful of fish and set his fork down. “He was

an only child raised by elderly grandparents, a shy, solemn
boy in a strange school. Linis was the only one he could trust
not to hurt him. My sister and her husband were good people,
but not…warm. Or should I say, kind but not very
perceptive. Zachary retreated inwards, never spoke to
anyone about his parents or how he felt. Linis was his
security, his friend, and his only comfort. Eventually, I think
he decided no one else could ever offer him a fraction of
what Linis did, and he stopped even caring if he was alone.
But he cared when he was a child. He broke my heart, but I
could do so little. I travelled, you see, and was rarely home.
I visited when I could, but each time I returned, Zachary was
a little colder, more closed in. By the time my sister and her
husband passed away, he’d come to live entirely for himself
and Linis.”

“But he must have had friends—he went to University,

like me, he’s got a job. He meets people all the time.”

Leo shrugged and cut more of his fish steak. “I’ve never

heard him mention anyone.”

“He told me he’d known kems who’d died because of

their hosts being selfish. It really upset him.”

“Yes, but I doubt he cared about the people. The kems

are different.” Leo shook his head. “You’d think he’d be
lonely.”

Julian thought back to the strange way the man had dealt

with his invitation to go to the country park. “I think he is.”

“You seem to have formed quite an attachment to him

despite your early difficulties.”

“No, I…I feel sorry for him. And I owe him. But I don’t

know a thing about him, except that he’s rich and he loves
kems.”

“Would you like to know him?”
Julian suddenly realised Leo hadn’t mentioned what sex

his cancer-ridden lover had been, and flushed at the
implication in the man’s tone. “I’ve got plenty of friends.”

“Ah. And Zachary is just another one in a long list.

Nothing special.”

“I didn’t…I don’t know him. I feel…responsible. That

car hit him because I bullied him into breakfast. He wouldn't
have even been there if I hadn’t done that.”

“Bullied?” Leo lifted an eyebrow. “Zachary? And how

did you manage that, Julian?”

“I…uh…well, I asked him. A couple of times.”
“I see. Which of course left him with no choice, forcing

him to come to your utterly execrable and unpleasant
apartment, eat your horrible food and then you tossed him out

onto the street under the wheels of that car. Is that correct?”

“He wouldn’t have been there,” Julian muttered, staring

into his plate of pasta and feeling rather stupid. Leo wasn’t
that different from Zachary after all.

“You don’t know that,” Leo said gently. “So if your

concern for Zachary is based on nothing but guilt, then in his
name I absolve you and release you from any obligation.
He’s going to need friends for the long haul. Guilt won’t
keep you around for more than a couple of days because let
me tell you, visiting hospitals and looking after sick people
isn’t fun and it isn’t easy. He doesn’t need someone to play
at this, Julian.”

Sharp eyes in an aged face pinned him, and he felt his

skin flushing hot again. “I…I didn’t even like him a few days
ago. He was a complete snot to me at work.”

“Yes, he’s very good at that. So why are you here with

me, worrying about him?”

Pyon yawned just then, and climbed off Julian’s shoulder

so he could pick his way across the table to visit Nuji, lying
in the crook of Leo’s arm. Julian pointed at his kem.
“Because three weeks ago, if I’d brought Pyon to a place like
this, it would have been a disaster.”

“Gratitude has no more staying power than guilt, my

boy.” Julian sagged. “Why is it so hard to admit that you
might just like my nephew?”

“Because…I didn’t, and now I might do, and he might

die.”

“And it’s hard, isn’t it? Zachary decided a long time ago

he didn’t want to be hurt any more by people leaving him.
You see the kind of life he leads. Don’t be like that, Julian.
Be brave. It hurts, but your life will be so much richer.”

Julian nodded, his cheeks still burning. “I'm supposed to

go back to work tomorrow—I don’t know how I can. I won’t
be able to think. I’ve got plenty of leave. I’ll have to ask for
the time off.”

“Let me speak to your employers. I’ve handled similar

situations before and I think they might be agreeable to you
helping the two of us out, at least until the crisis has passed.
And I would be very grateful for your company.” Leo
smiled, and Julian was again reminded of Zachary—he’d
seen so few of his smiles, but when he had, it had
transformed the man. Gave a glimpse of a softer, shyer
person who might be coaxed out with time and patience.
Julian hadn’t ever bothered to try before with someone so
self-contained. He began to think it might be worth doing.

“I just want to help.”
“You might come to regret those words. Now, eat up and

we can have dessert. I won’t tell Zachary,” Leo added with a
wink.

Chapter 5

Leo called the hospital after lunch, at supper and then just

before they went to bed. The news was encouraging. Not
only was Zachary not deteriorating, but he seemed to be a
little stronger. The doctors would try removing him from the
ventilator in the morning and encouraged Leo and Julian not
to visit until that had been done.

“I don’t understand,” Julian said.
“It’s because it’s a little distressing for the patient and

those watching,” Leo said. “It’s all normal, I assure you.”

Julian didn’t want to get to the point where this kind of

thing was normal. “How long are you going to stay?” he
asked.

“As long as Zachary needs me—though I may have to

have some things sent to me from my home, and buy some
more clothes. I packed in something of a hurry.”

For the first time, Julian dared to think about what came

next. Zachary had a broken leg, among many other injuries.
He’d be on crutches at the very least—but that apartment of
his wasn’t in a very disabled friendly building. And what
about Leo? Would he live there too? Would Zachary need a
nurse? And what about his job?

He realised he’d assumed he had any role to play—just

as Leo had. But when Zachary woke up, which he definitely
had to, the man might have very definite views about the
matter. And might not be at all happy for Julian to be

involved.

“I guess I’ll find out,” he whispered into Pyon’s fur after

he’d settled down to sleep. They’d taken the time to make the
apartment more friendly for two people, and to make the sofa
bed up properly, but it would be a bit of a strain to live like
this for months. “One day at a time, right?”

Pyon chirped and licked his face enthusiastically.

Whenever Julian grew a little mopey about being involved in
this mess, he only had to look at his kem to realise that, at
least for him, it had been worth it. Not for Zachary though.
Zachary would probably curse the day a cheeky little kem
had made him spill coffee all over himself.

“Not a lot I can do about that now, eh?” Pyon squeaked

again and squirmed under the blankets so he could nest
properly in Julian’s arms. Smart boy, Julian thought. Rest
was good. Thinking was getting him nowhere.

~~~~~~~~

He remembered more of his nightmares in the morning—

Zachary dying, Linis crying before he too, disappeared
forever—and could only hope they’d drop off once they
were sure Zachary would recover. They weren’t there yet,
however hopeful the doctors were.

But there were mundane matters to deal with first. Leo,

who was a someone, or at least had once been, used his
reputation and wealth to go straight to the top, and Julian had
an uncomfortable meeting with him and the most senior of the

senior partners down at the office. It was so weird to see Mr
Clarke so deferential and polite. Of course anything Mr
Underwood wanted was just fine with the firm. Our Mr
Godwin is at your disposal, Mr Underwood, for however
long you require him, Mr Underwood. Our only concern is
Mr Ledbetter’s return to health. We're making arrangements
to deal with his caseload, and he shouldn’t worry about a
thing. Do let us know if you need any further assistance, Mr
Underwood. Our firm is at your service.

Julian found himself in a taxi on the way back to the

apartment before the dazed feeling wore off.

“What did you say you did before you retired?” he asked

his deceptively innocent-looking companion as they drove
away from the building.

Leo gave him a slightly wolfish grin. “It’s a more a

matter of who I know. And who my family were. I don’t
usually play that game. But it’s nice to able to, don’t you
think?”

Julian could only nod mutely. It had been ever so slightly

scary seeing Leo pull rank on the terrifying and normally not
at all genial Mr Clarke. “You think they’re going to take it
out on me when this is over?”

“My boy, they’ll probably promote you.” He patted

Julian’s knee. “Don’t worry about it. Let me call the
hospital.”

The news he received meant the taxi was redirected,

Julian holding tightly onto Pyon as they drove. Please be
okay, he begged Zachary in his thoughts.

They were asked to go to the waiting room. Julian

couldn’t relax, couldn’t even sit for anxiety. “What’s taking
so long?” he demanded as he paced.

“Calm down, my dear boy. You’re upsetting Pyon and

Nuji.”

He made himself sit down and set Pyon on the floor so he

could race over to his new friend and clamber up Leo’s leg.
“They said they’d removed the ventilator. What’s the
problem?”

“I don’t know, Julian. Be calm. There’s nothing we

can…hello, Linis.”

Zachary’s kem rushed straight to Julian, who swept him

up into his arms to cuddle and comfort him. But Linis didn’t
seem so distressed—more as if he’d simply missed them all.
Julian frowned at Leo. “I don’t understand—”

The door opened and a nurse put his head in. “If you’d

like to see Mr Ledbetter now, you can, but only for five
minutes.”

Linis squirmed out of Julian’s arms and ran out of the

door, the most undignified thing Julian had yet seen him do.
“That’s a good sign?” Julian asked hopefully.

“I think so,” Leo said, smiling with annoying calmness.

“Nuji, please go inside. I think three kems will be two too
many.”

Julian took the hint and asked Pyon to retreat as well.

Then they followed the nurse out to the ward. They had to
wash their hands and put on masks and gowns—for some
reason kems didn’t bring in germs, but their hosts were
another issue—before they were allowed through to
Zachary’s bed. The breathing apparatus was gone, but he
looked worse. One side of his face was covered in
dressings, and he had two black eyes. What wasn’t bruised
or cut or covered in bandages, was as white as the sheets he
lay on.

Julian hung back while Leo approached. He held his

breath as Zachary opened one swollen eyelid, and seemed to
say something. Leo took his uninjured hand and bent low to
talk to him in a whisper. Julian had a sudden feeling that he
had no right to be here. He wasn’t family.

But then Linis pawed at his leg, wanting to be picked up.

Which was odd because surely he should be with Zachary.
Julian picked the kem up, and drew closer to the bed. Leo
stood up. “Zachary, Julian’s here. Look.”

Zachary had his eyes closed again, but he opened them a

slit. “’Lian? L’is?”

“Yes, I’ve got him,” Julian said, trying to hold Linis so

Zachary could see. “We’ve been making sure he didn’t get
too lonely while you get better. Here, Linis. Go to him, he
needs you.”

He set the kem on the bed—Linis picked his way

delicately over all the cords and tubes and drip lines so he
could sit near Zachary’s head. A faint smile switched briefly
on Zachary’s dry lips.

“’on?”
“Pyon? He’s fine—just being discreet. He and Linis have

been playing together a lot, and Nuji. When you get out of
here, you’ll love seeing them. Zachary, you have to get
better, okay?”

What an inane thing to say, he thought angrily. But

Zachary just smiled again, and whispered something Leo
bent low to catch.

“He says he’ll try,” Leo reported. “You do that,

nephew.” He squeezed Zachary’s fingers and then nodded at
the nurse who signalled to them that time was up. “We’ll be
back soon. Just rest and get well, my boy.”

They were ushered out and stripped of their gowns and

masks. Leo wiped discreetly at one eye with a spotlessly
white handkerchief. “Well, well,” he said, his voice a little
clogged. “It seems he really is going to make it.”

“Yes.” Julian flicked quickly at his eyes too. Amazing

how seeing someone just open their eyes and talk, could be
so moving.

Leo cleared his throat and patted Julian’s arm, leaning a

little as if looking for support. He looked rather frail, as if
all the strain had caught up with him. “I just want to speak to
the doctor if I can before we leave.”

“Let me find him. Take a seat.” Before you fall down,

Julian nearly added. He waited until Leo had done that.
“Pyon?” His kem popped up, nose twitching curiously. “Stay
with Leo, will you?” He lifted Pyon down onto Leo’s lap.
Nuji appeared too and the two kems cuddled together quite
happily.

Leo looked up with moist eyes. “I was so afraid,” he

whispered.

Julian gently squeezed his shoulder. “Me too. He looks

bloody horrible, but he’s going to make it. Linis knows it
too, that’s why he’s so cheerful.”

“True. Yes—they’re wise little things, aren’t you,” he

said, patting the two mischiefs in his lap.

The doctor took a little while to find, but when she came,

she gave them more reassurance. “We should be moving him
out of critical care in the next twenty-four hours. Then we
can move him down to the orthopaedic ward.”

“I’ll pay for a private room and whatever he needs,” Leo

insisted.

“Then you’ll need to fill out some paperwork. He’s still

far from well, you understand, and we’ll have to operate on
his leg when he’s stronger.”

“How long before he can come home?” Julian asked.
She pursed her lips. “At least a month, and he’ll need a

good deal of support when he does. You may have to make
modifications to his home and so on, but you’ve got plenty of

time to organise it. Now I don’t think he’ll be up to any
further visits today. Call tomorrow morning and we can
update you on his status.”

“Thank you, doctor.”
Leo turned to Julian. “Let’s go home. We have some

planning to do.”

Chapter 6

Leo said he should move out, either to Zachary’s

apartment or to a hotel. But when Julian pressed him on it, he
admitted he didn’t actually want to leave—he just didn’t
want to burden Julian.

“But I like you here,” Julian insisted. “It’s not so…”
“Lonely?” Leo supplied. “I know what you mean. But my

dear boy, you have hardly any space, and you have your own
life to lead. I'm an old man, set in my ways. I’ll drive you
insane.”

Julian looked him in the eye. “You want to live in a

hotel? Really? Or in that fridge Zachary calls an apartment?
On your own?”

“No, I don’t. But I have an obligation—“
“And so do I. Mr Clarke said I had to look after you.

So…I am.”

Leo laughed. “Stubborn, stubborn, wonderful boy that

you are. Very well, but you must let me do my bit to help.”

Julian wondered what he could do, realistically, but

agreed happily enough. “Then we don’t talk about this again.
You’re staying here while he’s in hospital. After that…we
see what he needs, right?”

“Exactly.”
There was a lot to do, surprisingly. Cleaning out

Zachary’s fridge and making sure that the apartment and the
utilities were set up for a long absence took the rest of the

morning and after another lunch in town, Leo had some
essential shopping to do. Hiring a car was briefly considered
and rejected because of the problem of parking. And then
Leo insisted that he needed to walk and so did Julian. Their
kems appreciated the fresh air, but returning to the park
brought back bittersweet memories.

“It’s going to be ages before he can jog again. Maybe he

never will,” Julian said, almost to himself.

“He will. He’s a very determined person. So are you. But

you owe it to him and to Pyon not to slip back into bad
habits.”

For the next week, the visits at the hospital remained

brief, even after Zachary was moved to a private ward. He
spent most of his time asleep, drugged on pain medication
and just worn out with the effort of healing. Julian’s role was
to act as emotional support to Leo, who was otherwise
frighteningly well-organised, and took charge of Julian’s life
rather efficiently. He insisted on arranging a cleaner, and
found a company who would do all the grocery shopping and
deliver it. He wanted Julian not to wear himself out looking
after him, and however much Julian insisted he could
manage, Leo had his way.

He didn’t really mind. All the ferrying back and forth to

the hospital, at least twice, if not three times a day, the minor
administrative details to do with sorting out Zachary’s
affairs, and Leo’s back home, kept him busy, and he was all

too aware that active and bright though Leo was, he was still
seventy-eight and under a lot more stress than someone that
age should be.

Zachary was also aware of this and as he grew stronger,

spent more time awake, he began to try and make his great-
uncle go home. Leo, easily as stubborn as he was, simply
refused.

“My dear boy,” he finally said in exasperation when

Zachary had been more than usually insistent. “What do I
have to do that’s more pressing than visiting you?”

“I'm fine now,” Zachary said—and this just two days out

of surgery to have his femur pinned. “They’re looking after
me and I don’t need visitors to get well. Julian, tell him.”

“I won’t. You’re being an idiot, Zachary Ledbetter. Shut

up and let him fuss. He won’t be told any more than you
would.”

That had made them—great-uncle and nephew both—

look at each other with identical raised eyebrows, and then
Leo grinned. “He’s got the measure of you, my boy.”

“And you, Uncle Leo.” Zachary lay back on his pillows.

Linis, always mindful of the many sore and injured parts of
his host, took up a careful position by his cheek. “Will you
go back when I get out of here?”

“Perhaps. I rather like this city. I was thinking of buying

my own apartment, in fact.”

“You were?” Zachary said, blinking.

“You are?” Julian asked, equally surprised.
“Perhaps,” Leo said, smiling to himself. “Now, don’t

concern yourself with me, Zachary.” He held his back and
groaned. “Oh dear. I think I’ll just go on a little stroll. I'm all
stiff from sitting. Amuse him, will you, Julian? I won’t be
long.”

Could you be more obvious, Leo? Julian thought, smiling

at the old bastard as he faked a hobble out of the room.

Zachary wouldn’t look at him, instead petting Linis

slowly, his lips thin and annoyed—or perhaps he was in
pain. The thigh surgery had been pretty agonising, he’d
admitted.

“You’ll only upset him if you keep this up, Zachary. He

needs to do this.”

“I don’t need him—or you. That’s what the doctors are

for.”

“Oh, so kems need affection and care but humans don’t?

You just want to lie here on your back for a month or more
on your own?”

“I have a laptop and phone. I have things to amuse me.”
“Things, yes. I don’t understand why you want to hurt

Leo. What did he ever do to you?”

Zachary’s eyes widened. “Nothing. I just think a man of

his age shouldn’t be wasting time sitting around in hospitals
—”

“Looking after a nephew he adores and is worried sick

about? Yes, it would be so much better for him to fly home
and worry himself sick there, without even being able to see
you and reassure himself. Look—even Linis wants him here.
Stop being an arse.”

“One of these days you’ll be one of my subordinates

again, Julian.”

“Okay, then you can put a complaint in about me then.

And Leo can tell Mr Clarke you’re an arse too.” Julian
folded his arms and delivered his best glare. “You finished?
This is getting boring, Zachary.”

“Don’t talk to me about boredom.”
“And you want to get rid of the little entertainment

visitors can give you? You’re nuts.”

Zachary shifted a little, winced as if he was in pain

again, which he almost certainly was, despite the
medication. “I don’t like depending on people.”

“Because people aren’t dependable, I know. Unless

they’re you or they’re Leo.”

“Or you,” Zachary said quietly, turning his head so he

could look at Julian again. “I don’t know why you’re doing
this. We’re not friends. You don’t even like me.”

Julian shrugged. “You’ve got a thing about sick kems.

Maybe I’ve got a thing about sick people. I'm doing this for
Leo, mostly, so don’t get all guilty and rude about it. He
worries about you, I worry about him. You just need to get
well so we can all move on with our lives.”

He was being mean but he was seriously annoyed. ‘Not

friends’? Enemies didn’t visit every day for two weeks or
look after someone’s elderly great uncle.

“Then I will,” Zachary said, chin tilted haughtily. ‘As

soon as I'm back in my apartment, your obligation—
whatever you conceive that to be—is over.”

“If you say so, Mr Ledbetter. I'm going to find Leo and

take him to lunch. You sit there and amuse yourself. We’ll be
back later.”

“No need.”
“Zachary, just shut up, will you? Pyon, come on.”
Pyon yawned, gave Linis a quick lick, then got up from

where he’d been lounging on Linis and Zachary both. Julian
fancied Zachary would miss Pyon a lot more than he’d miss
Pyon’s host, if Julian stopped coming.

He scooped Pyon up and walked out, irritated at Zachary

and himself. The man was just such a prickly sod but Julian
should be more patient. He knew Zachary was having a tough
time but he just never gave up on this crap.

He found Leo chatting to one of the patients in the

dayroom.

“Stiff, my left foot,” Julian muttered as he sat on the arm

of one of the sofas. He waited for the patient to wander off
and leave them in privacy. “He doesn’t want to talk to me,
you know.”

“Are you so sure about that, Julian?”

“Yes. And I don’t want to talk to him. He’s a stubborn,

irritating, irritable, impolite, ungrateful arse.”

“What he is, my dear boy, is a very good actor, and does

far too good a job at hiding his real feelings.”

Julian brushed this explanation away. “Maybe but

digging down under the act just hurts him and me both. He
doesn’t want me around. He even pulled the ‘I’m a solicitor
and you’re just a lowly assistant’ crap on me and seriously,
when you’ve seen someone’s backside, they shouldn’t be
able to do that anymore.”

Leo chuckled and shook his head. “No, they really

shouldn’t. Very well—let’s give him a break for a week or
so. You could do with it too. I’ve got a little job I need you
to do and you can deal with that while I smile and smile and
wear him down to the point where he’s begging you to
return.”

“It’ll never happen.”
“Perhaps not, but my nephew isn’t as stubborn as me. I'm

sorry he’s upset you, though.”

“I upset him, so we’re even. Why does he have to be like

that?”

“Because it’s all he knows, and it’s worked well enough

until now. He hasn’t figured out yet he can’t do this on his
own.”

“Well, he’s technically right. He can hire people to help,

and the medical staff do all he needs here.”

“Not ‘all’, Julian.” Leo offered his arm to him. “Let’s go

eat lunch, take a walk, clear our heads. He needs time to
think as well.”

The ‘little job’ turned out to be researching what was

needed to make Zachary’s apartment suitable for a
wheelchair-bound man with a broken arm, leg and ribs, and
finding out which nursing agency offered the best service. It
made a welcome change from the hospital visits, but
prowling around Zachary’s home without his presence (or
knowledge, Julian was damn sure), poking into his secrets,
or watching workmen do that for estimation purposes, was
just a little bit creepy. There were no boxes waiting to be
unpacked—the spare sterility was just how Zachary chose to
live. Julian couldn’t understand how anyone could live like
that—not and be a heartless, soulless bastard. Zachary was
certainly a bastard—but he had emotions, he cared about
kems if not people, and he appreciated beauty. So why did
he live like this?

Every day, twice a day, Leo visited his nephew on his

own, while Julian ran around getting quotes and
measurements and booking workmen. Every evening, the two
of them went over Julian’s notes to make sure nothing was
being done that couldn’t be undone, or that Zachary wouldn’t
consider a liberty too far. Then Leo had the thankless task of
conveying the decisions to Zachary, conversations which he
tried to have in the morning, so he said, so that lunch with

Julian could take the taste out of his mouth. For two cents,
Julian would have charged up to the hospital and given
Zachary a damn hard shake—or possibly a slap—every time
Leo showed up looking tired and drawn and clearly worn out
from arguing.

“Does he really think he can organise this stuff himself

when he gets out?”

“He doesn’t think he needs any of it.”
They’d been discussing the inevitability of live-in

attendants, an idea raised with Zachary and immediately
vetoed—as had the suggestion of Julian staying with him to
help. Leo was too frail to consider the idea, and, he said,
he’d probably murder his nephew in under a week.

“I think we hire the people and if he complains, you get

an order of incompetency slapped on him,” Julian said,
stabbed a piece of chicken with his fork and imagining it was
one of Zachary’s fingers.

“Now there’s an idea. We still have a week or more

before he can leave the hospital. I haven’t given up hope of
persuading him. Now—I have two other things I need your
help with.”

“Anything, you know that.” Julian rather liked being

Leo’s personal assistant and would be sorry when the old
man left. Clerical work seemed rather dull in comparison,
even if Zachary was the most annoying invalid on the planet.

“Excellent. I think now would be a good time to

reconsider the car issue—Zachary has garage space and it
will save a lot of time. He’ll be going back and forth for
physiotherapy and other appointments and wheelchair taxis
take such a long time to arrange.”

“I uh…already started looking into it, actually.”
“Of course you did. Julian, you’re very good at this, you

know.”

Julian shrugged. “It’s a lot more fun than the office. It’ll

be hard, going back.”

Leo smiled. “I hope you’re in no hurry to because I really

do need your help at least until Zachary’s mobile again. So,
I’ll let you sort out the car—you’ll be the driver so you have
to be happy. The other matter is an apartment.”

“I thought that was a joke to wind him up.”
“It was—but now I think I would like a place here.

There’s an apartment for sale in his building, in fact, and
several others in the neighbourhood. I’d like you to arrange
viewings for us both.”

“You haven’t mentioned this to him, have you?”
“No, I thought I’d surprise him.” Julian pulled a face and

Leo laughed. “Oh, come on, it won’t be that bad.”

“He’s going to throw a tantrum to end all tantrums.”
“Well, then, we should make sure it’s worth it. Are you

ready for dessert? I think I deserve chocolate today.
Definitely chocolate.”

It only took a day to locate and purchase a suitable

second-hand vehicle, since Julian had already done all the
research into the dealers. The following day, Leo and he
viewed the vacant apartment in Zachary’s building, and two
others nearby. Julian was privy to Leo driving a hard bargain
with the agent and the sellers over the first place, and
learned it was no secret how his family had hung onto their
fortune over several generations. The agent, thinking he was
dealing with an amiable, elderly gentleman who wouldn’t
stoop to haggling, found out very quickly that Leo was no
fool and had no intention of paying a penny more than the
property was worth.

The offer was accepted that afternoon, to Leo’s delight.

“I’d have offered ten thousand more, if they’d pushed it. I
really wanted that apartment.”

Julian’s mouth fell open in shock. “But you got it for

thirty thousand less than asking.”

“Well yes, because it wasn’t worth more to anyone else.

It was overpriced, but I’d have paid it.” He winked at Julian.
“Remember that when you come to invest in property
yourself.”

“Hah. Me, own an apartment? Maybe when I'm your

age.”

Leo patted his arm. “You’re only a lad now. Plenty of

time. Now—let’s go to the park for a walk and then I want to
take you out to the theatre. We both need a treat, I think.”

Now they had transport of their own, Julian’s days got

even busier, ferrying Leo to the law firm to deal with the
conveyancing (and Julian getting a lot of curious questions
from his work colleagues when he dropped in to say hello.
Pyon was beyond excited, rushing around and greeting all his
friends—it was the first time Julian had seen a downside to
his unexpected vacation. Not that Pyon had exactly been
suffering, but still.)

Then to the hospital, back to Zachary’s apartment to

inspect the outfitting or to other appointments to do with
Leo’s personal affairs. There was also an incredible amount
of furniture and other goods to locate and order for the new
apartment. Spending other people’s money was fun, but
Julian was heartily sick of refrigerators by the end of it.

All of it made easier by Leo’s genial humour and wise

approach to the world. Julian felt like he was earning
another education, just being with him. He wondered if
Zachary appreciated his uncle the way Julian was coming to
do.

Their irritable invalid was progressing well and after

four weeks, his internal injuries had healed. The broken
bones would take longer, and he’d require more surgery on
them, but the doctors had set a release date target for a
week’s time. By then, the modifications to the apartment
would be ready, the nursing agency had been lined up to
supply attendants, and all Zachary had to do was cope with a
wheelchair until his broken arm and ribs healed enough for

him to use crutches. It could have been very much worse for
him—something

else

Julian

wondered

if

Zachary

appreciated.

The plan for today was looking for sofas and armchairs

—something they had been doing on and off for a week, but
which hadn’t turned up anything Leo liked. Julian would
drive him to the hospital for a quick drop in on Zachary, and
then out of the city to a designer workshop since it looked
like the pieces Leo wanted, might have to be made
especially.

He was up before Leo, unusually, but as he put the kettle

on, Pyon on his shoulders and yawning in his ear, he heard a
thin, anxious wailing. He turned, his blood running cold—the
last time he’d heard that sound, it had been Linis, panicking
over Zachary. Only it wasn’t Linis—it was Nuji, in distress,
running back and forth between the kitchen and the bedroom
door, and crying. Julian bolted to the bedroom, and found
Leo half out of the bed, clearly weak and confused. Asking
him what was wrong only got slurred gibberish.

Stroke, Julian realised, his heart thudding with fear.
He helped Leo lie back on the bed. “Wait, I'm calling an

ambulance. Lie still. Nuji, stay with him. Pyon, look after
Nuji.”

He dialled the emergency number from the bedroom

phone. Leo’s eyes were shut, but one hand moved restlessly
on the covers. Julian knelt to feel his pulse—it felt too fast to

him, but he didn’t know what that meant. He gave the
information to the controller who assured him help would be
with him soon.

“Hold on, Leo. Everything will be fine.” Please let it be

fine.

He had time to dress before the paramedics arrived. He

gave them a quick history while they checked Leo over, put
him on oxygen and then they placed him on a gurney to
transport him. Nuji disappeared with a quiet squeak, which
scared the hell out of Julian until he realised Leo hadn’t
suddenly died.

“You can ride in the ambulance,” one of the paramedics

said. “If you need a lift.”

“I’ve got a vehicle and I know the way. I’ll meet you up

there.”

He ran all the way to Zachary’s building and the car, and

then drove as fast as he legally could up to the hospital.
When he arrived, Leo was already being seen by a doctor.

“I'm Mr Underwood’s PA,” he told the receptionist. “His

only close relative is a patient in this hospital—I'm assistant
to both of them,” he lied—well, sort of.

“Then perhaps you can fill out the paperwork while we

wait for the assessment,” she told him. “Take a seat.”

Pyon appeared, making worried little squeaks as Julian

tucked him into the crook of his arm, and started on the form.
A few seconds later, Nuji ran in, wailing, his tail drooping

and sad. Pyon jumped down and began to lick and groom the
distressed kem until Julian picked them both up for a cuddle.

“What is it with this family?” he asked, not expecting an

answer. Zachary had been bad enough—but Leo too? And
how would he tell Zachary if Leo…if something bad
happened to Leo?

He just couldn’t bear the thought. He forced himself to

concentrate on the forms, glad he’d taken over enough of
Leo’s affairs to be able to help to this degree, but aware that
he didn’t actually have the authority to make decisions for
him. Zachary would have to, if it came to it. He hoped it
wouldn’t.

It was more than two hours before a nurse came to find

him, and took him to meet the doctor. “We’re admitting Mr
Underwood for observation,” the doctor told him. “We think
he’s had a mild stroke—what we call a transient ischaemic
attack. It’s fortunate you summoned help so fast—it’s made a
difference.”

“Will he get better?”
“Most likely, yes. However the main concern is that he

could be heading for a worse stroke, so we want to assess
him and see if he needs further treatment before we release
him. The odds are good that we can head off a further attack,
however. He’s in good health for his age, doesn’t smoke or
have heart trouble. The main risk factor is his age.”

“And stress? He’s been under a lot of stress lately.”

“That won’t help, certainly.”
Julian gritted his teeth. “Can I see him?”
“In a little while. We’re just setting him into the cardiac

ward. Mr Underwood has given authority for you to receive
full details of his medical treatment so you’ll be treated as a
relative when you come to visit.”

“His nephew’s a patient here too.”
“So I understand. Will you let him know or do you want

our staff to tell him?”

“No, I will. Tell Leo…Mr Underwood that I’ll be back

soon with his overnight gear and not to worry about
anything.”

Nuji gave a little meep just then and disappeared. The

doctor saw Julian’s expression. “He’s fine—his kem’s just
going back to him as is normal. You got Mr Underwood here
in time. Go do what you need to and you can see him later.”

Julian nodded and the doctor walked off. He couldn’t

decide what to do—go back to the apartment and come back
or see Zachary first?

Zachary, he decided. He needed to know about this—

Leo was his only relative, after all.

He found Zachary staring moodily into space, his laptop

switched on but ignored. Linis whined and came over for a
petting, which earned him a glare from his host. “Where’s
Leo? I thought you weren’t coming here any more.”

“Leo is in the cardiac ward. He had a stroke, most likely

caused by all the worry over you. So pull in the attitude,
Ledbetter, I don’t need to hear it.”

Zachary’s eyes widened. “S-Stroke? When? How is he?

What happened?” He sat up with difficulty. Julian didn’t
bother helping him—he wasn’t in a helping Zachary kind of
mood.

“It happened this morning. They say it’s a minor stroke,

but they’re worried about a bigger one so they’ve admitted
him.”

“Can they treat him? Will he get better? Will he…is it

going to happen again?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. What I do

know is that they think the two biggest risk factors are his
age and stress. And guess who’s been the main cause of
stress for the last month?” He folded his arms and looked at
Zachary with distaste.

“I didn’t ask to be hit by a car, and I tried to get him to go

home.”

Zachary’s eyes were as chilly as Julian had ever seen

them but they didn’t do a damn thing to intimidate him.

“The accident wasn’t your fault. Your attitude is. You’ve

been a prize bastard to him ever since he turned up, and now
he’s sick. I hope you’re happy. Maybe he’ll die and then you
won’t have to worry about anyone visiting you any more.”
His breath caught in his throat at the idea of Leo really dying,
and he had to turn away so he could wipe his eyes. It wasn’t

fair. It wasn’t fair.

“I don’t want him to die. That’s vile of you.” Zachary’s

voice was little more than a whisper. “He’d hate you for
saying that.”

“Maybe but someone needs to. He’s seventy-eight years

old, and he’s been coping with your tantrums and your bad
moods and your refusal to cooperate all this time. It’s
driving him nuts. And now he’s sick.”

Julian turned, another snappy comment on his lips, but it

died when he saw Zachary’s bleak expression.

“I—”
Zachary cut him off. “I didn’t want him to get sick. That’s

why I wanted him to go home. I knew something like this
could happen. I told you I could manage without him or you,
but no, you wouldn’t listen. So maybe you’re the one who
wanted him to die.” He bit off each word as if it was poison
in his mouth.

“I didn’t! I…I really like him, a lot. He’s kind of become

family. I know why he couldn’t go home while you’re in
here. You wouldn’t understand that kind of loyalty.”

“And you wouldn’t understand my wish to keep my only

living relative safe and sound, would you. You assume that
knowing him a month makes you a better nephew than me.
Go ahead, claim him. Leave me with nothing and no one if
that makes you happy. Now get out—I need to find my uncle
and see him for myself.” He reached for the nurse’s bell,

glaring with reddened eyes at Julian. Even Pyon jumping
down to cuddle with Linis at the foot of the bed, didn’t soften
his expression. “I said, get out.”

“No, wait. I'm not trying to steal him from you. You’ve

been pushing him away. You push everyone away, me
included.”

“Considering your behaviour now, why shouldn’t I? Do

you want me to have you thrown out?”

“You think Leo would want you to do that?”
A nurse came to the door. “Yes, Zachary? Is there a

problem?”

The man turned down the glare to merely haughty as he

spoke to the nurse. “My uncle’s had a stroke and has been
admitted here—is there any way I can visit him?”

“Let me find out. I'm sorry to hear about Mr

Underwood.”

The nurse ducked out again. Zachary stared over at the

window, avoiding Julian’s eyes. “I want you to leave.”

“I want to talk to you about this.”
“I don’t. This is a family matter now. You’re not family.

Just go away and leave us both alone.”

Stung, Julian picked Pyon up, who protested at the

abruptness, and stalked out, his face hot with anger. No, he
wasn’t family. But if Zachary was all Leo could count on,
then Leo was in a bad way.

He sat in the car, fuming, worried, wondering what he

should do. But finally he decided that while Zachary could
make decisions for Zachary, he couldn’t make them for Leo
—and Julian really was Leo’s PA, for however long that
lasted. So he’d be a good PA and look after the old guy, until
Zachary managed to persuade him that Julian wasn’t family
enough to be bothered with.

Back at his apartment, the paramedics had left a mess—

not surprising, since they were a little busy saving Leo’s
life—so Julian tidied up the litter of packets and plastic,
now feeling rather numb and helpless. What if Zachary got
him banned? What if he turned Leo against him? What if
Zachary decided to go further to remove Julian from his life?
He could have him fired—even what Julian had said today
would be more than enough for him to do that.

Pyon mewled and twisted in his arms—he wanted to

climb up to Julian’s shoulder so he could lick his ear. “At
least I still have you, right?” Pyon chirped happily but Julian
felt his eyes filling with tears. What a mess.

He left it for two hours before he called the hospital. Leo

was now settled in and expecting him, he was told. That took
the decision out of Julian’s hands. Even if Leo only wanted
to tell him to get out of his and Zachary’s life, Julian had to
let him do that in person.

He took a taxi up to the hospital, feeling that he shouldn’t

use the car when it was just him, and when maybe he didn’t
have the right to use it all any more. He asked for directions

to the cardiac wing, and found Leo dozing in a small ward
with two other patients. As he approached, Leo opened his
eyes and smiled, a little crookedly.

“Julian,” he said, and Julian was relieved beyond

measure that the earlier garbled speech had disappeared.
Leo’s voice still sounded a little slurred, but it was much
better than Julian had dared hope. He looked normal, weary,
maybe a touch pale. Frail, certainly. But not dying.

Leo reached out a hand and Julian took it. It shook a

little, and there was less strength in Leo’s grip, but he could
still move his hand. He wasn’t paralysed.

“I was so worried,” Julian said, his voice choking.
“Me too. Frightening.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Tired. Worried about you. You look dreadful.”
“I feel…God, Leo, I thought you were going to…” He

bowed his head, and bit his lip. Relief and sadness
overwhelmed him. Leo wouldn’t die today. But he still might
do, and he was still Zachary’s uncle.

Leo patted his head. Then Julian heard a meep, and then

Nuji jumped onto his lap, making Pyon squeak excitedly. The
two kems embraced like long-lost brothers. “He missed his
friend,” Leo said.

“Yes, maybe he should get used to it.” He looked up,

rubbing his eyes quickly. “I saw Zachary. We, um…”

“Yes, he told me,” Leo murmured. He held his hand out

again for Julian to take. “He said you were very rude and
accused him of wanting me to die.”

“I did. I didn’t mean…I just felt he…hasn’t been very

thoughtful.”

“No. He hasn’t been. I told him the same thing.”
“Oh. What did he say?”
“Not very much. He asked me to dismiss you, tell you to

go back to work, and for me to move into his apartment. I
told him he was a bloody stupid young fool and I would do
no such thing.”

Julian blinked away the tears. “Really?”
“Yes, of course. I love Zachary but he’s the last person I

want rearranging my personal relationships, especially with
people I’ve become so fond of.”

Julian pressed Leo’s hand to his cheek, not caring that he

was getting it wet. “I thought…he said I wasn’t family. I'm
not but I still…care a lot and…if you died…Leo, if you died,
I’d be…” He broke down. It had been too much, this
morning, with Leo and then Zachary.

Leo patted his shoulder. “My dear, dear boy, I'm not

going to die. Not yet anyway. The doctors here are almost
embarrassed to have me in here, I'm in such rude health.”

Julian laughed and then sniffled, scrubbing at his face

with his hand.

“Look at me, Julian.” He obeyed, and found Leo

regarding him with a kind expression. “I can honestly say

that nothing Zachary does or says will ever make a
difference to my friendship with you. I want you to know
that, believe it. Will you?” Julian nodded. “Good. I'm sure it
got a bit fraught—Zachary was very upset too, and not just
on his own behalf. He does care. He’s just terrified—of
being abandoned, of being lonely, of losing those he loves.
And the truth is…at my age, I can’t offer him the
reassurances he needs. One day I won’t be around any more.
I lie awake at night sometimes and wonder how will he
cope, all alone and so unwilling to let anyone come close to
him. He’s such a good man, Julian, but so very, very
frightened of being hurt again. The world hasn’t been kind to
him, and he doesn’t trust it.”

“But he makes it worse than it needs to. I want to be his

friend and he pushes me away. He wanted to send you away.
It’s like he can’t see the connection.”

“He probably can’t—or can’t allow himself to. I’ve let

him down, I know that. I could have been closer, tried
harder, but I let him move away, and then I settled overseas,
never thinking that I could have made a difference, when I
could and should have. I don’t know how many years I have
left to me, but I'm going to change things now. I'm going to
live in this city, be close to him, even if he pushes me away.
I won’t let him be alone when I can be there.”

Julian squeezed Leo’s fingers. “He doesn’t deserve you.”
“Yes, he does. And like him, I have a weakness for

wounded helpless things, even when I'm pretty helpless
myself,” he said with a wry smile.

“Will you be able to still stay with me? Can you walk

okay?”

“I'm fine. They think the symptoms will disappear almost

completely, but they’ve put me on some blood thinning
medication. I just need to take things easy, but I always do.”

“Coming up here three times a day and buying an

apartment isn’t taking it easy.”

“My boy, you’ve been doing most of the work. But for a

little while, I’ll have to ask you to do some more—do you
mind?”

“Of course not! What do you need?”
“I’d like you to take over visiting Zachary, starting now.”
Julian took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. “I can’t—

he told me to get out. He’ll just call the nurses and make
them throw me out.”

Leo smiled and tightened his fingers a little in Julian’s

grip. “Oh, I think maybe he won’t. Will you try, for me?”

“You’re meddling again.”
“Unashamedly. But for a good cause. You see an

arrogant, self-assured man with the world at his feet. I see a
lonely little orphan, clutching Linis as if he never intended to
let go, and refusing to cry at his parents’ funeral. You scared
him today. You need to fix it.”

“By telling him how sick you were? It’s true!”

“No, by giving into his bluff, and doing as he predicted—

walking away. Someone needs to introduce him to the
concept of a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

“Yes, they do. Okay, I’ll try, but I can’t make him see

me.”

“I know. Use Pyon. He can’t resist your little kem any

more than I can.” Pyon stuck his fluffy head up in enquiry,
hearing his name. “Yes, you, mischief. Go help Julian mend
some fences.”

Pyon chirped and ran up the bed so he could lick Leo’s

chin. Leo laughed and Julian grinned as he lifted his cheeky
kem off the sick man’s chest. “I’ll come back afterwards.”

“Yes, do. It’s boring in here.”
“Brought you some books,” Julian said, taking them out

of the holdall, and placing the other personal items in the
locker. “I didn’t know what you’d like, but there’s a few
different ones.”

Leo shook his head in amazement. “Julian, you’re simply

a treasure. Now, off you go.”

He couldn’t face Zachary immediately. He needed to

think, and make sure he could stay calm. He walked outside
the hospital, sat on a brick wall of a flowerbed, stared up at
the brilliant summer sky. The season was almost over. By the
time Zachary was well again, it would be nearly winter.

Leo was staying. Leo was old and had just had a stroke,

and was possibly the best friend Julian had ever had. And he

had a prick of a nephew who needed him too. Needed him so
much he was too scared to let him come close because he
was bound to lose him.

Julian’s family were all alive, even his grandparents. No

one had ever died on him. The worst thing that had ever
happened to him was messily breaking up with his boyfriend
at University, and the two of them were sleeping with other
people before the week was out. Zachary and Leo had
brought Julian the closest he’d ever come to losing anyone
who meant a damn thing to him. And it hurt.

How much more must it have hurt for Zachary? Losing

his parents, then his grandparents—who knew how many
other people had died or deserted or dumped him? How
many people had Zachary driven away before they got a
chance to do it to him?

At least one, Julian thought miserably. And not without

reason. Going in with guns blazing to a sick man’s room and
delivering bad news with one hand and a slap across the
face with the other didn’t make him a prince in the slightest.

Pyon howled quietly, twining around his legs. He’d been

off looking for other kems and exploring, and now he’d come
back to the only person he really loved and trusted. Who he
believed in the deepest part of his kemmish heart, would
never leave him or hurt him. “I did hurt you, though,” Julian
whispered. For the same reason as he’d hurt Zachary. Pure
and utter thoughtless selfishness.

He sighed and picked Pyon up, nuzzled his soft fur. “I

don’t deserve you, little fella.” Pyon just licked his face.
Deserve, don’t deserve, didn’t come into it with kems. They
were stuck with you until you died. People were different.

He popped Pyon onto his shoulder, and stroking his

kem’s fluffy tail, he walked back inside and went up to the
orthopaedic wing. He was a little surprised to see Zachary in
a wheelchair, wearing a rather nice deep blue bathrobe, with
Linis sitting sedately on his lap. He’d progressed a lot in the
couple of weeks since Julian had last visited with Leo.

Zachary’s expression became stony as he saw Julian

come in. He pressed the control on the wheelchair which
turned it, motored over to the window, but said nothing.

Julian cleared his throat. “I, uh…saw Leo. He looks

okay.” Nothing. He walked into the room a little way.
“Zachary, I'm sorry. Those things I said, they were
revolting.”

“You meant them, though. Every word of them. You’re

only sorry because Leo didn’t approve. He did though.
Agreed with you that I'm disgustingly selfish and cruel.”

“He never said that. He’d never say that, and he doesn’t

think it. I don’t…I really don’t think that. Selfish yes, not
disgustingly selfish. And you don’t mean to be cruel, you
just…are, sometimes, because you want the best and you
don’t seem to realise we’re all just human.”

“Believe me, I'm very aware of that. I thought I told you

to go away.”

“Yes, you did. But if I go away, I can’t apologise or talk

to you, or see how you are, and ask if you’re still worried
about him, or if your leg hurts, can I?”

Zachary turned the wheelchair around. As he did, Linis

leapt off and came over to Julian. Pyon hopped down and the
two kems began to lick and groom each other, eyes half-
closed in pleasure. A sight which once had delighted
Zachary, now made his lips thin with anger.

“You subvert my uncle, you subvert Linis, you insinuate

yourself into my home and my life, and now you want to be
my friend? Why? So you can teach me a lesson? Take away
everything that’s mine and show me how I'm supposed to
live? What do you want, Julian? Gratitude?” He spat the last
word out at Julian, his eyes stormy.

“You make it sound like this is some kind of evil plan! I

never expected any of this! You think I wanted you to have
an accident?”

“I think you’re exploiting an opportunity. I’ve known

people like you.”

“No, you just think you have. I'm not the ones who hurt

you, lied to you, cheated you. I'm just…ordinary. Someone
who thought you were a prick and got caught up in this
situation, and got to know your uncle, and you, and Linis, and
this is hurting me too. You think I don’t know how afraid you
are that Leo might die? Do you know what we went through

when we thought you would? I cried with relief, you bastard!
So did he.”

A nurse put his head around the door. “Zachary? Is there

a problem? Mr Godwin, you’re being very loud.”

“I'm sorry,” Julian mumbled, staring at the ground. Could

this day get any worse?

“There’s no problem, thank you,” Zachary said coldly.

“We’re just discussing…family matters.”

“All right.” The man gave Julian a slightly reproving

look and then went away.

Julian walked over to the chair and sat down. “I'm not

exploiting anyone. I know you don’t believe me, but I just…
fell into this. Like everything else in my life. Like the job. I
never wanted to be a legal assistant, but a history degree
didn’t give me many options.”

“Do something else then.”
“Like what? I'm not made of money like you. Another

degree would be expensive, and I’ve got loans and things to
repay. I want to travel, not that it’ll ever happen. That’s
about the only plan I’ve ever made. You were an accident.
So was Leo.”

“How can you live so chaotically?”
Julian shrugged. “It’s worked okay to now.”
“Leo’s relying on you, and yet you don’t plan, you don’t

think, you say things which hurt and then pretend you didn’t
mean them—“

“And you don’t?”
“No. I always mean them. I sometimes…don’t realise

how hurtful they are.”

“You know well enough telling someone to go away,

they’re not family, hurts. You know pulling the status thing is
a bitchy thing to do and you keep doing it.”

“If you’ve come here again to tell me my shortcomings,

Julian, let me assure you I am in no way under any illusion
that people think of me as charming. Now, you’ve satisfied
honour and Uncle Leo’s request, so you can leave. And this
time, don’t come back.”

Julian folded his arms. “Uh uh. I’ll leave when Linis tells

me to, and he’s happy. You? You have no idea what you
want so I'm not listening to you. Someone who’s afraid of
being alone and who drives away anyone who wants to be
friends, is crazy. Your kem has good sense, though. I’ll listen
to him.”

“I’ll have you removed.”
“No, you won’t. You could have done that earlier—twice

you could have done it, but you didn’t. You know what I
think? If you wanted me to leave, Linis would tell me. You
said yourself, they know your heart.” He looked pointedly
down at the two happy kems, lost in a grooming and cuddling
ecstasy. “If you want me to leave, ask Linis to tell me.”

Zachary hissed and turned the wheelchair around to face

the window. Linis looked up—and then went back to licking

Pyon as if his life depended on it.

Julian decided he could be a stubborn arse too, if he

wanted to be. “We’ve finished your bathroom—the plumber
found a leak in the pipe work, could have cost you thousands
to fix if he hadn’t dealt with it. The hoist arrived yesterday,
looks like a lot of fun. I'm getting used to parking the damn
car, but I hope Leo doesn’t want to keep it because it’s really
ugly, and people stare at you when you reverse into a spot. I
—”

“What do I have to do to make you go away?”
Julian took a deep breath. “Really want it, Zachary. And

really, really mean it. Really want me never to come back,
never to see Pyon, never to help Leo again, out of your life
and your hair and your apartment. You turn around, face me,
make me believe it. And make me believe it’s not just fear,
getting your retaliation in first. That’s all you have to do, and
I’ll go.”

Nothing. The silence dragged on and on. Zachary’s head

was bowed, but not a sound emerged. Linis suddenly
stopped grooming Pyon and with a sad little squeak, ran over
to Zachary and jumped up onto his lap. Pyon trotted over and
joined him.

Two kems, eh? You’re really worrying them.
He walked over and stood so he could see Zachary’s

face—or would if the man looked up. “Zachary? Do you
want me to go? Really?”

Zachary stared at Pyon and Linis on his lap. “You’ll

leave anyway. Leo will die. You’ll die. How can I…only
Linis will stay,” he whispered. “Only him. People leave.”

Julian crouched down and put his hand over Zachary’s,

resting on Linis’s fur. Now he could see the man’s face, the
red eyes and the tears glistening on his lashes. “Everyone
dies. It’s a fact of life. I can do everything I can to live at
least as long as Leo, longer, but in the end… But you know, I
think you’re wrong about kems. I think they live on.”

Zachary wiped his nose with his sleeve. “Why?”
“Well, they don’t have sex, don’t reproduce, but they all

seem to know each other, like each other. Where do they
come from? I think they must…pass on, somehow.”

“Doesn’t matter. I still won’t have him…God, I…if Leo

died…I was…it…”

His face screwed up against the fresh tears, and Julian

just couldn’t stand it anymore. He put his arms around
Zachary’s waist as best he could. “You were scared?”

“Like…it was like…when Grandfather came in to tell me

that Mama and Papa…I felt so helpless. I just…I don’t want
to feel that way. It hurts, and I can’t bear it.”

Julian stood but only so he could hug Zachary a little

better, the man’s head resting on his stomach. He stroked the
thick, dark hair. “I don’t know what it’s like but I can guess.
I really, really shouldn’t have told you that way. I'm sorry.
Really sorry.”

“C-Can you let go of me, please?”
Julian obeyed and stepped back. Zachary’s face was now

red as well as wet. “Sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“No…I…I

appreciate…I

just…don’t

like

being

touched.”

Julian blinked. This guy was even more screwed up than

he’d imagined. What had his grandparents done, beaten him
with sticks every day or something? “I just—“

“I know, I…” He looked up, his expression devastated.

“I’ve never said any of that to anyone. I'm so ashamed.”

“If you think I'm going to look down on you, you’re

wrong.”

Linis sat up and began to delicately lick the tears from

Zachary’s chin. Zachary tried very hard not to look at him or
Julian or anything, his embarrassment painful to see. If he
really hadn’t told anyone any of that…that was a pretty scary
thought in itself.

“Hey, do they let you go outside in that thing?”
Zachary wiped his nose again. “Uh…I have no idea.

Why?”

“Well, maybe we could go out to the garden, have some

fruit juice or something, let Linis get some fresh air, and then
we could swing by Leo’s bed and see how he’s doing.”

“I don’t—”
“We never did get that walk in the country park together.

Come on—it’s a gorgeous day outside. Did they feed you?

Would you like lunch?”

He chivvied and persuaded, obtained the nurses’

permission so Zachary couldn’t use that as an excuse, and
finally managed to manoeuvre Zachary, his chair and their
kems down a lift and outside into a little garden not far from
the canteen. He found a spot that offered a little shade, since
it was hot as well as sunny, and then rushed off to find juice
for them both, a sandwich for himself since they’d already
fed Zachary.

He returned to find Zachary lost in thought and the kems

rolling around on the grass, a third creamy coloured one
who’d appeared from somewhere, joining in the fun.

“Here you go.” He opened the bottle of orange juice,

since Zachary was still one-handed, and passed it to him.
Zachary accepted it without a word. Julian sat on the grass
and opened his sandwich pack. He thought it best to leave
Zachary alone for a bit. It had been a rough day for everyone.

He finished his sandwich and set the pack on the grass,

lying down on his back, head pillowed on his arms so he
could watch the kems playing. Pyon immediately had to
investigate and Linis strolled over too, though with much
more dignity. Their new friend wandered off but Pyon didn’t
notice, far too fascinated by the crinkly sound the plastic
sandwich pack made and the way it moved when he batted it.
Linis yawned—this wasn’t his thing at all—and then to
Julian’s surprise, he walked over and up onto Julian’s

stomach, where he perched, serenely surveying Pyon’s
antics.

“Well, your highness. Comfortable?” Linis stared back

with his great golden eyes as if to say Julian was a peasant
and should be grateful to be so honoured.

Pyon spotted Linis’s long tail draped over Julian’s side

—and pounced. Julian suddenly found his stomach had
become a battleground for the two kems fighting for
dominion over Linis’s appendage, bouncing up and down on
him like he was a fleshy trampoline and paying absolutely no
attention to either of their humans. Julian was too amused to
seriously try to stop them, and rather amazed at the dignified
Linis getting down and dirty with Julian’s impolite little
kem.

He glanced over at Zachary—and found the man

watching it all with a rather sad look on his face. “He’s
never done that with anyone else,” Zachary said wistfully.

“He does, you know. He plays with Nuji and Leo all the

time.

Maybe

you…maybe

if

you

gave

him

the

opportunities?” He was trying to word it in such a way that
didn’t make it sound like ‘if you weren’t such an antisocial
bastard, your kem would have more fun’ but he suspected he
hadn’t succeeded.

“I’ve tried to give him everything he needs and what he

was missing was company. What a boring life for him.”

Julian sat up, and the kems toppled off his stomach, only

to take their mock war to the grassed area. Pyon, smaller and
faster, was getting away with murder. Cheeky brat.

“No, I don’t think it has been, honestly. It’s just that he’s

been under a lot of stress and he turned to us for help. Look,
he’s going back to you already. He likes Pyon. He loves
you.”

Linis jumped up onto Zachary’s lap and made it very

clear that he wanted a cuddle and his host’s attention. Pyon
played a little longer with the plastic packet before Julian
got up and took the litter to the bin. Then Pyon climbed up
his leg and also demanded a cuddle. It had been a tough day
for the kems too.

Julian picked up a chair from the canteen and dragged it

over. Zachary petted Linis absently, his eyes lost. “You’re
kind of looking at this backwards, you know,” Julian said.

“In what way?”
“You think me being around means there’s less of Leo

and Linis for you, but there’s more. More people and kems
for both of you.”

Zachary gave a one-shouldered shrug. “And when I'm

better?”

“Up to you. Leo says he’s going to live here now. I’ll

want to be in touch with him wherever he ends up.”

“Here? Where?”
Damn, Leo hadn't told him. Julian smiled. “Oh…he

bought an apartment in your building. On the floor above

you.”

“He what?!”
“Shhh.” Julian waved at him frantically, looking around

to see if hospital security was curious about the shouting.
“You heard me. He wanted to be close to you and he doesn’t
drive. It’s a good location. You don’t have to see him if you
don’t want to, but considering the tantrum you just threw,
that’d be a bit stupid.”

“Did you put him up to it?”
“Zachary, your conniving old great uncle runs rings

around me. I just trail around behind him making fish
impressions.” He demonstrated and raised a small smile in
his companion. “He wants to spend the rest of his life close
to you. Why is that a bad thing?”

“He didn’t before.”
“He wanted to. You should ask him about your

grandparents, I think.”

“Sounds like you and he have done little else but discuss

me and my private affairs.”

“Strangely enough, that’s what happens when you have to

look after someone who nearly died. Mr Ledbetter, you’re
being a prick. Again.”

Zachary nodded, as if that was fair comment—Julian had

expected him to go off about it. “Hey, that wasn’t a serious…
you don’t have to let me insult you. You can argue back, I
won’t walk off unless you get really nasty.”

Zachary looked up. “But I will and you will.”
“I’ll come back. Until Linis says not to. He’s a smart

little guy, your kem.” He reached down and stroked Linis’s
exquisite fur. The kem trilled and arched into his hands.
Julian looked up and found Zachary staring. “Okay?”

“Okay.” His voice wobbled a little. He wasn’t as calm

as he’d like Julian to believe, but Julian didn’t want to shred
all Zachary’s defences—just the ones which were getting in
the way of his own happiness.

“Great! So, let’s go pester Leo. He’s bored stiff and it’s

been all of eight hours.”

Zachary managed a smile. “It was lucky the car ran over

me and not him.”

“You have a very strange definition of luck, Mr

Ledbetter.”

Chapter 7

And just like that, Zachary stopped making it difficult to

organise his return to the apartment. Part of it was because
Leo would live there too for a bit, since it made sense that if
they were hiring full-time attendants, they should keep an eye
on Leo as well and take the strain off both of them. But part
of it seemed to be that Zachary accepted the good will
behind the arrangements. He wasn’t exactly enthusiastic, but
that was a lot more than Julian expected from anyone having
their home turned upside down, and facing weeks and weeks
of disability and painful rehabilitation. But he was
cooperative about decisions, and offered opinions when
asked, and made suggestions when it was appropriate. Leo
was amazed—and grateful.

Julian was grateful too because it took a lot of stress

from Leo, and that made Julian a lot less worried. Having
both of them poorly made for extra running around. Leo had
almost daily doctor’s visits for checkups the first week after
he was allowed out of hospital, and the doctor had insisted
he cut down visits to his nephew to once a day, so Julian had
to make up the shortfall—but he didn’t mind in the least. He
felt needed and respected, and for the first time in his adult
life, like he actually made a difference to someone who
wasn’t related to him. That the office had covered his
absence so easily was kind of insulting, but not that much of
a surprise. But if he stopped helping Leo and Zachary, it

would hurt them a lot. He wasn’t exactly irreplaceable, but
he was more than a convenience. He found he liked having
that kind of responsibility, and wondered how he’d replace
it when Zachary was fit and could do whatever Leo needed
doing.

Release day didn’t go completely smoothly. Julian

absolutely forbade Leo to be involved at all, and told him to
stay in the apartment and rest while he settled Zachary in. It
turned out to be a wise decision. There wasn’t an out and out
disaster—just lot of small irritations. The building manager
had locked the service elevator, so Zachary had to wait in
the car for nearly an hour before the man was found. A
couple of the doors which they thought would be wide
enough for the electric wheelchair, weren’t, and had to be
removed from their hinges. Zachary realised he wouldn’t be
able to cook in the kitchen after all, despite the ramp
allegedly making this possible, and that meant he’d have to
rely on his attendants or Leo or Julian. That was the closest
he came to losing his icy coolness, after so long being
preternaturally patient with all the annoyances. But Leo
saved the day by sweeping in with an airy insouciance,
ordering an exquisite and healthy meal from a local
restaurant while declaring he never cooked at home, and that
Zachary should enjoy the luxury while he was around. The
attendants were given two hours off while Leo, Julian and
Zachary had their lunch.

Since Leo looked rested and was at his most charming

and amusing, the food was good, and Linis and his two
friends decided that the modifications and hoists were all
specially installed kem toys, Zachary’s ill-temper slowly
melted away under the relentless barrage of things not going
wrong and the playfulness of the kems. He even allowed
himself some cheesecake.

“Full of eggs, don’t you know?” Leo said, grinning at his

nephew. “Good for recovering patients.”

“Full of fat and sugar, Uncle Leo.”
“So? You’re skin and bones, Zachary. A little of what

you fancy…”

“ A little, yes.” He glanced sideways at Julian, before

adding, “Uh…but thank you for the meal.”

“Not at all. Thank you for letting me stay. Julian, I'm

afraid our next task is organising the removal of my worldly
goods from my old place, to here. I’ve decided maintaining
the old apartment as a pied-a-terre is just too self-indulgent
and I want my books.”

“My next task, Leo,” Julian said firmly.
“Our next task.”
Julian looked at Zachary in surprise. “What do you

mean?”

“I want to help. It’s only my leg and arm that have been

damaged, not my brain. Frankly, I could do with the
activity.”

“Very well,” Leo said, clapping his hands together, “my

two favourite young people can take this tedious task away
from me with pleasure. I’ll assign myself to kem sitting.
Zachary, your help with my legal affairs would be
appreciated too. They’ve appointed some fellow down at
your firm, but he’s not got your brain.”

“Of course, Uncle.”
Julian cleared his throat. “Uh, Leo…maybe with Zachary

back home and with the live-in helpers and everything…I
could go back to work now. I can still help you in the
evenings. Zachary’s secretary is supposed to be coming
around to help him ease back into things, and she could—”

Leo turned to his nephew. “Zachary? What do you think?”
“I think Julian accepted a responsibility and he should

see it through to the end.” Julian started to seethe at the cool
remark, but then Zachary added, “Linis doesn’t like my
secretary. He likes you. I trust Linis’s opinion.” And he
smiled a little, the tired, drawn smile of a man who’d had a
hell of a day but who’d managed to stay calmer than anyone
could have reasonably expected.

Leo beamed and patted Zachary’s hand. “As you should,

my dear boy, as you should. I'm sorry, Julian—Messrs
Clarke, Saxony and Markham shall just have to do without
you for a while longer because I don’t intend to do without
you.”

Pyon, sitting on Julian’s shoulder, squeaked excitedly and

then decided to rearrange Julian’s hair in a bout of frenzied
hair licking that made him fall off his perch. Julian caught
him and laughed. “Okay. I didn’t want to go back anyway.”

“Then stop suggesting it and fetch our boy his pills. Now,

don’t give me that face, Zachary, or I’ll ask that beefy Mr
Sanet to administer them rectally. The doctor was quite
happy with either route.”

“Uncle Leo!”
Julian just cuddled Pyon and grinned to himself. He

doubted Leo would carry out the threat but was it bad of him
to want to see him try?

~~~~~~~~

“You want me to take over?”
Zachary’s lip tightened, but then he nodded. “Sorry. This

is a lot harder than it looks.”

“I know it is,” Julian said, putting his hands on the push

handles of the wheelchair. He waited for Zachary to get his
arms safely tucked in, and then he started to push. Personally,
he thought Zachary should have stopped a while ago, but the
man was so determined to build up fitness. He’d graduated
to crutches just two days before but he wasn’t allowed to
bear weight yet. His healed arm was so weak that he had to
be careful with that as well. Wheelchairs would be a part of
his life for some time yet, much to Zachary’s chagrin.

But it could be worse. At least the hated attendants had

been banished for all but an hour a day to help with bathing,

and it had been agreed just that morning that even that
assistance could be dispensed with in two or three days.
Zachary could now go to the toilet more or less unaided, get
in and out of the wheelchair without needing to be lifted, and
sit in a normal chair as long as he liked. Julian chafed along
with him at the tiny, slow steps of progress, but at least there
was progress. Zachary wasn’t independent yet, but it
wouldn’t be long.

Today, Leo had chased them out of the apartment to get

some fresh air without him. A friend, coming through on a
flying visit, wanted to take him out to lunch, and Leo insisted
he didn’t need a bodyguard for a few hours. He looked well,
and the doctors thought he was no more at risk now of a
stroke than he had been—it wasn’t nil, but all precautions
had been taken. Zachary had insisted, however, that the man
wear a medical alert around his neck when he wasn’t with
someone else, and Leo, realising the necessity and the
reassurance value, had agreed without the slightest argument.
The two of them had come to an understanding that wasting
time in futile bickering, was something neither of them could
afford any more. That realisation might have come late but it
wasn’t too late, much to Julian’s profound relief.

So they’d taken themselves, belatedly, out to the country

park for a picnic—the longest expedition Zachary had had
since he’d left hospital. Up to now, they’d made do with
Twyford Park, which was better than nothing, but the routine

of physiotherapy appointments and other commitments, had
stopped them organising something that involved a longer
excursion. But finally, finally, they’d cleared a whole day,
Leo was safe and had plenty to amuse him, the weather was
warm and beautifully autumnal, and Zachary was now
mobile and free enough from pain to really benefit from a
longer trip.

Zachary being Zachary, he insisted on it being useful too.

He’d taken a turn on the crutches, and pushed himself along
in the wheelchair for nearly an hour. But now he was
sweating and tired, and Julian could now easily read the
signs that he’d done too much and needed a break. Sure
enough, Linis, who’d been off exploring with Pyon among
the undergrowth, suddenly bounded up and leapt gracefully
onto Zachary’s lap. Linis being an infallible barometer of
Zachary’s wellbeing, Julian had learned very early on to pay
close attention to him.

Zachary remained silent as they walked along the leafy,

dapple-shaded path through the little wood, back to where
Julian had parked the car. His hands stroked Linis for a bit
but then fell still, and when Julian checked, he saw Zachary
had his eyes closed.

“Tired?” he whispered, not wanting to wake him up if he

had fallen asleep.

But Zachary nodded—so he wasn’t asleep. “Yes. Quite a

bit, I'm afraid.”

“Want to head back?”
“No. We haven’t had lunch, and Leo isn’t expecting us.

Just give me time to catch my breath.”

That suited Julian just fine—he was in no hurry to go

back to the apartment and all his responsibilities. The
coming week would be a busy one—the first consignment of
Leo’s possessions was arriving and would have to be
cleared through customs, then inspected before delivery.
Zachary had some intensive therapy sessions to attend, and
now they were getting rid of all attendants, it would mean
more little tasks for Julian to do. Not that he minded, but he
was glad he lived so close by. Some nights, he barely made
it through his front door before he collapsed, dead on his
feet.

One of the few perks of Zachary being in a wheelchair

was disabled parking spaces, more of a necessity than a
luxury. It had let Julian park not far from a pleasant picnic
area, and since they had come out of season and on a
weekday, they had it mostly to themselves. He installed
Zachary at a table in the sun, since Zachary preferred that,
and then fetched the picnic basket, Pyon nosing around
inquisitively.

“Go away, nuisance, you can’t eat this stuff, you know

that.” Pyon chirped and flicked an ear. “I know what you’re
thinking. Don’t be rude,” Julian said, wagging his finger at
his naughty kem, who decided the best way to deal with it

was to lick it and bat it with a paw. Julian laughed and
scratched Pyon’s head. “Come on.”

Zachary perked up a little at the sight of the food—he’d

worked up an appetite through all the exercise. Leo had
continued to insist on having everything catered, so the only
meal they prepared at all, was breakfast. Julian almost
missed cooking for himself, but he had to admit, it took a lot
of strain off him. If Zachary’d had to allow a stranger to
trawl through his kitchen and cook for him in his own home,
it would have sent him around the twist. He had already
started to make noises about making a meal for them all soon
—but it would have to wait until he could stand unaided.

Julian set everything out on the table, but carefully didn’t

serve Zachary so much as a bread roll. As soon as the cast
was off his broken arm, the man had insisted—and pretty
damn rudely too—that he would serve himself from now on,
or starve. It was one of the battles not worth fighting, so no
one had bothered to argue with him. Even if he struggled
with a bottle or a can top, Julian just carried on talking to
Leo and pretended to ignore Zachary completely. Zachary,
naturally, was far too stubborn to ask for help but it had done
him no real harm beyond not having a favoured food item
now and then.

But Zachary managed just fine nowadays. He’d been

working intensively to regain strength and mobility in his
upper body, and the second the doctors allowed him to bear

weight, Julian was sure he’d be back at the gym, rebuilding
his wasted leg muscles. The lack of exercise made him fret
almost more than any other thing he’d suffered over this
mess.

They ate in peaceful silence, the sounds of the park more

than enough entertainment for them. The kems lazed in the
sun, being petted as their hosts ate. It was a day for a beer
and a long sleep, Julian thought regretfully. But he didn’t
drink at all these days, not with the car, and he didn’t dare go
to sleep while he had Zachary to look after.

He cleared up and wondered if he should suggest another

walk. But Zachary still looked tired, and was apparently
comfortable. Activity for activity’s sake seemed really
pointless, so Julian just cleared up the picnic, dumped it in
the car, then came back and plopped down beside Zachary
on the bench seat. Pyon climbed into his lap and squeaked.

“Yes, yes, cuddles coming up.” He picked his kem up

and hugged him, rubbing his chin on Pyon’s head. “Greedy
little thing. You should go to Zachary, he gives good
cuddles.” He dropped Pyon onto Zachary’s lap, which made
the man lift an eyebrow. “‘m tired. You look after him.”

“How irresponsible of you, Mr Godwin.” Julian just

raised a finger at him. “Oh, charming.”

“I'm tired. You like petting him. Off you go.”
Pyon was more than happy to, and after shaking his head

in disgust at Julian’s laziness, Zachary was perfectly content

to have two kems on his lap.

Julian stretched back on the seat and tried not to show

how nice it felt when Zachary stroked Pyon’s fur. It was a bit
like…a feather, being dusted lightly down his skin, with a
faint sense of contentment that was pure kem underneath it.
Normally he didn’t notice it that much, especially when he
was doing other things, but when he relaxed and
concentrated, he could let himself drift along with it quite
nicely. It had become his secret delight, a little treat he
allowed himself, usually after dinner, just before he and
Pyon had to haul themselves home. Zachary always seemed
to end up with two or even all three of the kems on his lap or
his shoulder, and of course, he was never too tired to pat and
play with them. After a long day, for Julian, it was nearly as
good as a hot bath.

Suddenly Linis yawned, stood up and stretched, then

picked his way carefully over to Julian, pausing only to
exchange a quick lick and chirp with Pyon who stayed
exactly where he was. “What’s this all about…Linis?” The
big kem plonked himself down on Julian’s lap and stared up
at him with his saucer-like eyes. “Zachary, what’s he
doing?”

“I guess he thought you weren’t doing enough work,”

Zachary said, his expression going a little stiff. “Linis, leave
him be. He’s done a lot today.”

But Linis merely yawned again and then made himself

quite comfortable on Julian’s stomach. “I tried,” Zachary
said.

“Huh.” Julian scratched Linis under his fluffy chin. “No

one in your family will leave me alone for a second,” he
grumbled, stroking the soft, black-tipped fur carefully,
occasionally brushing it back to reveal the pale cream
underfur. Linis was the handsomest kem he’d ever seen, and
definitely the biggest. He was simply gorgeous to pet.

Zachary said nothing for a bit, apparently absorbed in

combing his fingers through Pyon’s admittedly less luxuriant
fur. But just as Julian had lost himself in the delightful feel of
Linis’s pelt, the man said something in a quiet voice.

“Huh? I didn’t catch—“
“I asked, do you want us to?”
“Want you to what?”
“Leave you alone.”
“Don’t be an arse. It was just a joke.”
“I know. I just…Leo and I have completely monopolised

you for over two months. When was the last time you saw
one of your friends? Even spoke to them?”

“Right now. You’re a friend.” Julian glared at his

companion. “What are you getting at?”

“Nothing. Don’t get angry, but I’ve just been…you look

tired. Not just now but…even Leo mentioned it to me last
night.”

“I'm fine. No one’s forcing me to do this, you know that.”

“No, I know. It’s all been a bit of an accident, in more

ways than one.”

Julian shrugged. “That’s how life works. I'm happy,

Zachary. I’d tell you if I wasn’t.”

“Of course. I…would you mind giving Linis back?”
Julian frowned, but obeyed, much to the kem’s

displeasure. Zachary handed Pyon over with almost indecent
haste.

“No need to be jealous—he still loves you best.”
“It’s not…”
Zachary didn’t seem angry, as such, but his face had gone

rather red.

“Something wrong? Are you okay?”
“I'm f-fine.”
The stutter meant that was a flat out lie. “Are you sure? I

wasn’t hurting him, you know th—”

“C-can we not talk about this?”
Pyon whined miserably. Linis got off Zachary’s lap again

and came over to lick him. “Linis!” Zachary snapped. “Come
back.” His kem turned around and gave him a dirty look.
“Linis!”

That was two firsts—Linis disobeying Zachary, and

Zachary actually being sharp with his beloved companion.

“Damn it, Zachary,” Julian said, beginning to be a little

worried by all this, “calm down. It’s not like he’s going to
run off. Linis, go back, he’s upset.” Linis yawned and

ignored him. Julian, flummoxed by this uncharacteristic
reaction, gave Zachary an appeasing smile. “He’s just in a
funny mood. Maybe you should ask him to go inside for a
bit.”

“I—“ Zachary’s mouth snapped shut. “He can do what he

likes.”

His hands were grasped tightly in his lap, his cheeks still

bright red. Julian suddenly realised what was going on.
Zachary was aroused. Because Linis—

Oops. It didn’t have that effect on Julian but then Pyon

was smaller and… He picked his kem up and dropped him
on Zachary’s stomach, then nudged Linis over to him as well.

“I'm just going to the loo. Mind them, will you? Pyon,

stay with Zachary. Linis, you stay too. I really don’t need you
to watch me pee.”

Zachary blushed even harder. Julian walked away

quickly before he made it all so much worse by laughing.

“Oh boy,” he said to himself as he hid behind the rather

ugly toilet block and gave Zachary—and everything else—
time to settle down. The man didn’t like being touched, and
Julian had been sitting there virtually giving him a hand job.
He hadn’t meant to, but Linis was irresistibly touchable. The
irony was that Julian had to stop himself touching Linis’s
host about a dozen times a day because it came naturally to
him, and because in his own prickly way, Zachary was pretty
damn touchable too.

All he could do now was pretend nothing had happened

—and keep his hands off Zachary’s kem, or at least keep
them off when Zachary wasn’t concentrating on anything
else. Zachary had the worst personal space issues of anyone
Julian had ever met. He’d probably never let anyone else
close enough to pet Linis before but Julian sure as hell
wasn’t going to be the one to explain how this kem touching
thing worked. That was what Leo was for.

He stayed long enough to make it credible that he’d been

caught short, and then walked slowly back. Both kems were
sitting on Zachary now, and to Julian’s relief, Linis showed
no further sign of making advances on him. What had got into
the big guy’s head? Kems were so damn weird sometimes.

Zachary wouldn’t quite meet his eye. “Sorry,” Julian

said, faking cheerfulness. “I think Leo needs to stop buying
so much good food.”

“If you’re feeling unwell, perhaps we should go back.”
“I'm fine—how are you? What would you like to do?”
“I…”
“Another walk?”
Zachary nodded, so Julian set up the wheelchair again,

Zachary transferred from the bench to the chair and off they
went, in a different direction from the morning. The kems
soon rushed off to play, leaving the humans to walk along in
uncomfortable silence. Not for the first time, Julian reflected
on the fact that Zachary was a really poor conversationalist.

He would never talk about anything remotely personal, and
while he’d readily offer his opinion on other matters,
particularly kems, or any subject which didn’t touch him
directly, he wouldn’t express his thoughts about what he
liked or disliked unless he was pressed. Even then, it was
like pulling teeth.

Julian figured it was as good a day as any to learn a little

more about his companion. “So,” he asked eventually, after
they’d walked for half an hour or so. “Let’s play a little
game. You can ask me any three questions you like and I
have to answer them truthfully, and then I get to ask you
three.”

“Why?”
“Is that one of the three questions?”
“I don’t like this game. Why do you want to?”
“Because I’ve spent all this time with you and I don’t

even know stuff like when you first kissed a girl, or what
was your favourite subject at school, or even your favourite
colour.”

“None of that’s important.”
“Yes, it is. It’s about you, who you are, what made you.

Come on, Zachary, you owe me. Don’t be such a tight arse.”

He looked down and saw a muscle working hard in

Zachary’s long jaw. “And don’t get mad with me. It’s just
conversation.”

“Exactly. Trivial nonsense to while away the time.

What’s wrong with silence? What’s wrong with solitude? I
think I miss that more than anything else, the chance to just
get the hell away from other people and have some privacy.
And you want this…this…experience to be even more
invasive of my privacy?”

Julian stopped and walked around in front of the chair.

“Hey! None of this has been set up to invade anything. I
thought we were friends now.”

Zachary pursed his lips. “I suppose we are.”
“‘Suppose’? You’re cold.”
“People don’t interest me. You already know this about

me. What else could anyone need to know?”

“I think you’re a damn liar.”
Zachary’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Perhaps we

should just go back.”

“I want to go to the lake. We’ve walked this far, why

should I miss out because you’re a misanthropic prick?”

“This isn’t new information. I don’t need you to keep

repeating it. I already know what people think of me.”

“Do you now.” He walked back behind the chair and

began to push it again. Zachary stared straight ahead and
ignored him. “You didn’t know Leo cared so much about
you, so you’re wrong about knowing what people think.”

“‘People’ as in ‘strangers’—like you.”
“You’re wrong about me, too. Go on, tell me what you

think I think of you.”

“Please choose something else to discuss.” The words

practically had icicles hanging off each syllable, but Julian
never let that scare him before.

“Why? Who died and made you the boss? I work for Leo,

not for you. And technically, not for him either. I’ll talk about
what I like.”

“Then you’ll do it without my assistance. Discussing

people’s opinions is of no interest to me at all.”

Julian resisted the opportunity to slap his annoying

companion upside his perfectly groomed head. “Go on—ask
me three questions. I might surprise you.”

“I very much doubt that.”
“Stop being a prick, Mr Ledbetter.”
“Stop calling me that, it’s vulgar.”
Julian quickly ran through all the other words he could

have used, and decided ‘prick’ was polite as he was going to
get today. “Three questions. I’ll take the risk of boring you.”

“God, you’re persistent. Very well. The same things you

mentioned before—first kiss, favourite subject, and favourite
colour. And don’t take that as an indication I have the
slightest interest in any of it.”

“First kiss with a boy or a girl? Or any?”
He leaned forward. Zachary was making fish

impressions. “What?”

“B-Boy?”
“Well, I'm gay, Zachary.” Julian thought about their

conversations over the last two months. “Uh, did that not
come up before?” He’d definitely told Leo.

“Your sexuality isn’t something I’d want to come up, no.”
“Does it bother you? Me being gay?”
“Did I not just express very clearly my total and utter

lack of interest in the subject?”

“When we get to that lake, I'm dropping you in it, I'm

warning you now.”

“If it gets me away from this inane discussion, I’ll

release the brake myself.”

“You’re just not a people person, are you.”
No reply, but then a little… Julian leaned forward and

found Zachary grinning. “You’re impossible,” the man said,
trying unsuccessfully to sound severe.

“And you’re just being a snot. Okay. First kiss—girl.

Thirteen years old, on a dare, she had terrible breath and
told all her friends about it afterwards. First kiss—boy.
Hmmm. Fourteen years old, in my parent’s garden, in my tree
house. He tasted like jelly beans, punched me in the arm
afterwards and said it was gross. It was, a bit. Didn’t put me
off though,” he added with a grin, thinking of how much
better he’d got at the kissing thing. Man, it had been six
months since he’d even been out with a guy. Well, unless you
counted breakfast with Zachary before the accident, which he
didn’t. Not really.

Zachary wasn’t talking. Julian poked him in the shoulder.

“Well?”

“Well, what? It sounds perfectly awful. Subject and

colour and then we’re done.”

“Biology and blue. Now it’s your turn.”
“Not applicable, law and yellow.”
“Yellow? I’d never…hang on, what do you mean, not

applicable? How can a kiss be not applicable?” Zachary
ignored him. “Come on, that’s cheating.”

“It’s not. I answered your questions truthfully.”
“It’s cheating if you don’t answer them in a way that

makes sense! Zachary, be fair.”

Zachary grabbed the brake and applied it, forcing them

all to stop. “All right. I’ve never kissed anyone. It’s not
applicable. Is that ‘fair’ enough for you?”

Julian opened his mouth, but no sounds came out. He

stared at this handsome, wealthy, well-educated man and
wondered if it was even possible for someone like this to get
to the age of nearly thirty-one and… “How? How could you
not have—”

“I just didn’t. It never came up. If you don’t hurry, it’ll be

cold before we get back to the car. Linis? Pyon? Where are
you?”

The kems came bounding out from the bushes, looking for

affection, and Zachary busied himself in giving it, while
resolutely ignoring a dumbstruck Julian. Never been kissed?
Did that mean…?

“Zachary, are you a virgin?”
The man glared at Julian over the top of Linis’s head. “I

thought I already answered your three questions, and what
kind of upbringing did you have that you consider that a
polite thing to ask? Can we move, please? Or at least go
back? I'm tired.”

Julian looked at his watch. It was still early, so he

decided to press on to their destination. Zachary was
exaggeratedly attentive to Linis and Pyon, making it clear
whose company he really preferred—like that was a secret.
Julian didn’t feel like talking anyway because everything he
wanted to say came back to the same thing—how the hell did
someone like this, even with his personality, stay a virgin
this long?

Julian had known guys who smelled like a three-day-old

dead rat. Guys whose idea of a really good lark was pissing
on drunks in the street. Guys who snapped the bra straps of
the women they were chatting up. Guys with acne that made
them look like the dark side of the moon. Guys who were
ugly, obnoxious, unintelligent, uninteresting, flatulent bores.
Every single one of them had managed to get laid at least
once, and usually more than once (though rarely by the same
person.) No healthy male could survive without sex. Could
they?

Another fifteen minutes and they came to the lake. The

view was pretty spectacular with the still water reflecting

the vivid hues of autumn, under a clear blue sky. They had it
all to themselves but Julian wasn’t really capable of
appreciating it, with all that was in his mind.

He parked the chair by a little bench that looked over the

water, and as soon as they stopped, the kems jumped down
and trotted down to the lake edge to inspect it. Julian sat
down and looked at Zachary, who definitely didn’t want to
look at him.

“Aren’t you even curious what you’re missing?”
“You assume I'm missing anything. I don’t consider I

am.”

“But sex—“
“Is a messy, complicated, time-consuming, animalistic

act and only necessary if one wants offspring, which I
don’t.”

“I don’t either—at least, I don’t now. I don’t screw guys

because I want kids!”

Zachary went red. “Do you mind? Some of us don’t

consider rutting to be a suitable topic for conversation.”

“Prude.”
“If you insist.”
Julian threw up his hands in disgust. “You’re a freak. No

wonder you can’t cope with people touching your kem. God
knows what would happen if they touched your cock
instead.”

“What?”

“Me, touching Linis. I know what you felt—it’s the same

for me when you pet Pyon. It’s not—”

Zachary’s expression was horrified. “You mean…when I

stroke your kem, you feel—”

“The same as you felt when I stroked Linis. I guess it’s

the same for everyone. Only most people don’t get hard.”
Nasty of him to add that, but this whole ‘sex isn’t suitable for
my delicate ears’ crap was annoying as hell. “Hey! Where
are you…Zachary, you can’t push yourself all the way
back…stop it, you moron!”

He grabbed for the push handles, but Zachary kept trying

to wrench control away from him. “Will you stop? You’ll
break that damn arm of yours again!”

“Let me go. I want to leave. Get your hands off me!”
Julian stepped back at Zachary’s anguished bellow,

holding his hands up in surrender. “Look—they’re off. Now
calm down. There’s no way you can wheel yourself all the
way back. What the hell’s the matter anyway?”

“You knew what you were doing with Linis?”
“No, not exactly. You react more than I do. It’s not a

crime.”

“You used him to molest me.”
“I had no idea what effect it’d have on you, until it did. I

pet Nuji all the time too and if you think I’ve got the hots for
Leo, you’re even more deranged than I thought you were. Just
calm down. I won’t touch Linis again if it bothers you.

Simple.”

“But you said…when I touch Pyon…it felt—”
“Nice. Just nice, Zachary. Like the sun and the breeze

does just now. Pleasant. Not like someone jerking me off.”
From Zachary’s expression, that had definitely been the
wrong thing to say. “It’s not sexual just because it’s nice. It’s
like…someone playing with your hair. I guess you don’t
know what that’s like.”

“No,” Zachary muttered. “I don’t like being touched.”
“How would you know if you never let it happen?”
“I just…know. I don’t like people being close to me. Or

touching Linis.”

“Were you always like this? Even before your Mum and

Dad…I mean, even when you were little?”

“Yes. I…yes, I think so. I remember at school…playing

sports and learning to dance with the girls, was just…
awful.”

“Before they died?”
“I don’t remember.”
Julian frowned. “Didn’t your grandma ever give you a

hug? Kiss it better when you fell down?”

“No. I…I don’t remember them doing that. When

Mama…when Grandfather came in and told me, he just…
patted me on the shoulder and told me to be a brave boy and
not to cry. So…I tried very hard. I did what they wanted me
to do.”

Julian shook his head. “That’s awful. Surely you can see

that wasn’t what a little boy needed.”

“I won’t have you say a word against them.”
“I'm not! But…hell, Zachary, every kid needs a hug

sometimes. If your Mum and Dad just died, you should’ve
been able to cry.”

“I didn’t want to make Grandmother sad. And later…I

just…couldn’t.”

Julian sat on the grass. Pyon scampered over and gave

him a quick head butt, wanting to be petted, but then he ran
off again. Linis was still exploring which was odd—Julian
would have expected him to come back to Zachary as soon
as he became distressed. The big kem’s behaviour had been
very strange all day. “You know babies who don’t get held
and given affection, die. You said kems were like that. You
don’t think it’s unhealthy for you not to let anyone near you?”

“I manage perfectly well, thank you.”
“Until you get run over by a car.” Julian stared down to

the lake edge where Pyon was grooming Linis, the tawny
kem lolling on the ground while Pyon licked him. “I know
this is hard for you, but can I just…try something?”

“Julian, I’ve had almost as much as I can stand today,

honestly.”

His expression was uncharacteristically pleading, and if

it wasn’t so important, Julian would have just dropped it. “I
know,” he said gently. “And…now I know what I do, I can

see why…why you’re like how you are. But I think maybe
Linis was up to something, and I think I know what. I know
you don’t trust me, but do you still trust him?”

Zachary stared at the ground. “I do trust you,” he

mumbled.

“Then will you just humour me? I don’t think you’ll like

it much, but I’ll stop if it really bothers you.”

“Is it important to you?”
“Yes. It really is.”
“Then go ahead.”
The lack of enthusiasm didn’t exactly shock him, so he

persisted. “I just want to know how me touching you makes
you feel. I just want you to…say out loud what it does to you.
I know it’s hard for you to say that sort of thing.”

“Just get on with it.”
Julian almost stopped then. Zachary was so clearly at the

edge of his tolerance and what he wanted to do would push
him quite hard. But he might not get a second chance.

“Okay.” He scooted a little closer to the wheelchair and

put his hand on Zachary’s foot. “What does that do?”

“Annoy me.”
“Anything else?” Zachary shook his head. Julian moved

his hand to Zachary’s knee. “Now?”

Zachary’s lips thinned. “I…want you to move your

hand.” Julian lifted it. “No, I mean…that’s the emotion. A
real…desire for you to just go away.”

“So there’s nothing pleasurable about it at all?”
“Not in the slightest.”
“Okay.” He reached further up and took one of Zachary’s

hands in his, taking care to be gentle, to use the touch to
massage very carefully. Then he twined his fingers with
Zachary’s. “And now?”

“I…feel trapped. Like…let go, Julian. Please.” Julian

obeyed immediately. Zachary exhaled—hard not to miss the
raw relief in his eyes as Julian sat back on his heels. “I'm
sorry.”

“Me too. So basically, you’ve never felt any pleasure at

all from anyone touching you?” Zachary looked away. “You
have? Not your grandparents. Your Mum and Dad?”

“No. Except…one time.” He rubbed at his eyes like he

had a headache. “That day in the hospital when…the day
Leo…”

“Yes, I remember.”
“I…got upset and you…for a second or two, I felt…

comforted. Then I just panicked. But there was that short
period…when I almost felt like…I could just let go. But I
couldn’t. I didn’t dare.”

“Because you don’t trust people not to let you down.”
Zachary’s expression closed in a little. “Yes, most likely.

I accept who I am. The only difficulty I have is with other
people refusing to do that.”

“People like me.”

“And Leo. Other people who presumed to know me

better than I do myself, or who wanted to force themselves
on me. I'm not innocent. People throw themselves at me from
time to time, attracted by money or my status—”

“Or the fact you’re amazingly good looking.”
Zachary flushed. “A mere accident of genetics. But these

people offer nothing, only want to take, and I see how they
behave to each other and their kems and they just revolt me.
Sex could never blind me to that.”

“It does for some people.”
“I am not ‘some people’. What other people do, doesn’t

concern me. If my lack of sexual experience was a burden,
I’d have no difficulty in relieving myself of it. It’s not.”

“People used to believe in waiting for the right person to

come along before losing their cherry. It’s a pretty old-
fashioned idea.”

“I'm not waiting for anything or anyone. I only need

Linis.”

“And Leo.”
“And Leo. And you.”
Julian blinked. “Me? You mean, while your leg’s

busted.”

“Yes.”
“Oh. Well, that makes sense. I’ll be out of your hair when

—”

“Do you have to interrupt me when I'm trying to be nice?”

“That was you being ‘nice’?” Julian raised his eyebrows

at the man in disbelief. “You’re so bad at this stuff!”

“Yes. Isn’t that what we’ve just spent any amount of time

discussing?”

Julian laughed and shook his head. “Yes, we did. So…go

on. Be nice. I wish I had a video recorder or something.”

“You’re spoiling things.”
“Sorry.” He tried to look innocent, like Pyon when he

knew he’d been naughty. “Well?”

Zachary sighed. “I was trying to say…thank you. I know

you care and you’ve tried so hard to help me. You have
helped me. I just…can’t be the person you’d like me to be.
But I appreciate that you give a damn that I'm not that
person.”

“I only want you to be happy, Zachary. If changing would

make you happier, then I’d like that to happen. But if it
wouldn’t, then no, don’t change. I just wanted to understand a
little better and now I do. I can be a bit more sensitive about
stuff. But I can’t stop Linis if he wants to crawl all over me
again.”

“He doesn’t do that normally. Perhaps he needs to get out

of the apartment more than we do.”

“Maybe.” Personally, Julian thought he knew exactly

what Linis was up to, but kems were no match for more than
twenty years of emotional isolation. Maybe by the time
Zachary was Leo’s age, Linis would wear him down. “You

want to go back now?”

“Please.”
It wasn’t just emotional fatigue that put that quiet

plaintiveness into the request. By the time they got back to
the parking area, Zachary was drooping, and they still had a
two-hour drive back to the city. It would have been easier to
just roll the wheelchair into the back, but Julian couldn’t do
that to him—it was uncomfortable and undignified and
Zachary loathed it even for short trips. So Julian helped him
swing his long legs into the front seat, careful not to let him
put the slightest weight on his injured one, and settled a
cushion behind him for extra support. He put the chair in the
back and then got behind the wheel. The kems were asked to
dematerialise for safety and then Julian put the key in the
ignition.

But then something occurred him, so he stopped and

turned to his companion.

“Has it been bothering you that I’ve had to get so close to

help you, all these weeks?” The attendants had done the
heavy stuff, but now he thought about it, he had to touch
Zachary a dozen times a day to do little things that helped
him out. He hadn’t realised just how strong Zachary’s phobia
was.

“A bit. But…I always feel safe with you. Much more than

those people,” Zachary said, his mouth turned down. He
hadn’t liked most of the attendants, and the attendants hadn’t

much liked him either. Now Julian realised what had been
the basis of the antipathy.

“Uh…good. I’d never hurt you—physically, I mean.”
“Julian…just so you know, I’d never have let anyone else

do what you did today. I do trust you. I just…”

“Don’t like people close to you. I know. Does it matter

that I'm gay?”

“Not in the slightest. I don’t categorise people like that.

The world’s divided into good kem hosts and bad kem hosts,
so far as I'm concerned.”

Julian grinned. “What a surprise. Seatbelt on? Let’s go.”

Chapter 8

The new understanding of Zachary’s issues took away

most of Julian’s remaining irritation with the man. He
realised now that Zachary simply couldn't help being the way
he was, and that all things considered, he was remarkably
stable.

He still couldn’t get over the way Zachary’s grandparents

behaved. Though Julian didn’t want to breach his
confidence, Leo brought it up himself one day. The contents
of his old apartment had finally cleared Customs, and though
Julian had arranged for most of the boxes to be carefully
unpacked, there were a few marked as ‘fragile’ or
‘personal’, which he and Leo spent time slowly going
through when Zachary needed his apartment to himself. He
was now working again, still from home, his secretary
visiting the apartment once a day with files and to take notes.
Julian made himself scarce in the mornings while she was
around, in case she asked why he was still on secondment
when the patient was so much better.

A large box of photos and albums had them engrossed for

hours—Leo had travelled all over the world, and Julian
could listen to him talk for any length of time about his
experiences. But it wasn’t travel photos Leo had been
hunting for. From the bottom of the box, he lifted out a very
large and rather old album, and opened it carefully. It bulged
with pictures of people Julian didn’t recognise. Leo took one

out of the holders and showed it to him.

“Ah, I’ve been meaning to send these to him for years,

never got around to it. Look, Julian—these are his parents.
And this is Zachary when he was four. That’s when I first
spoke to him—I didn’t see him after he was born until that
age.”

Julian took the photo from Leo, and mimed shock. “He’s

smiling. And look at Linis! He’s so little and cute.” He
showed Pyon, who sniffed and resumed playing with a ball
of paper, while Nuji dove into one of the empty boxes on the
floor. “Doesn’t recognise him. Zachary looks happy.”

“I think he was, until the plane crash. My sister, Caran,

bless her soul, was so upset about her daughter that she
didn’t really think about the impact on Zachary, beyond the
practical matters, I mean. And Peter was one of those very
reserved, reticent people who didn’t know how to show
emotion. I never understood what my sister saw in him, to be
honest. She was a much more open person—or she had been
before Helena was killed. Poor Zachary was very much left
to himself.”

“He said…he didn’t want to cry because it would upset

his grandma and his grandpa told him not to.”

Leo shook his head. “I'm sure that’s true. These things

scar a child, and we don’t realise. I could have done so
much more. I regret it every day, Julian.”

“Leo…did you know he actually hates people touching

him? To the point of panic?”

“I suspected something like that, but I didn’t realise it

was so severe. That’s dreadful.”

“Do you think we can help?”
Leo sighed. “One deals with phobias by desensitisation.

In Zachary’s case, I doubt he’d ever allow anyone to try.
You’ve done more than most would in that regard, Julian. He
lets you get much closer than anyone else.”

“He says he still hates it, only not as much as with

strangers. That’s not much to work with.”

“No, but it’s all we’ve got.” He closed the photo album.

“I’ll give this to him after lunch. But I have something else I
want to talk to you about. Zachary will most likely be going
back to the office on half-days next week. There’s no reason
for him not to take a normal taxi now, since he doesn’t need
the wheelchair. I think your days as a chauffeur are over and
that ugly car should be sold.”

Already? He’d known this had to come to an end but it

had gone so fast. “I’ll sort that out. So…I guess I better be
thinking about returning to the office too.”

Leo rested his chin on his hand, his green eyes sharp as

his great-nephew’s. “Hmmm. Well, that’s what I want to talk
to you about. I’ve got rather used to having you around, and
Kevin was saying at lunch the other day that I should have
had a personal assistant years ago. How would you like to
work for me full-time, instead of the law firm?”

“Really? Like, permanently?”
“Yes. Terms and conditions at least as favourable as

what you’re on now, and three months’ notice either way. If I
pass on, I’ll arrange to cover your salary for a further six
months on top of notice.”

“Don’t talk about that, Leo.”
“My dear boy, I have to be practical. Well?”
“Yes. God…yes, I’d love it! Doing what I do now?”
“Yes, and much more, because I can transfer all the

business administration to you as well. Between you and
Zachary, I can cover everything that I need to, and I’d much
rather it was handled within the family. Is that agreeable to
you?”

“Of course!” He gave Leo a quick hug. “Thank you!

Pyon! Guess what?”

The two kems came over for cuddles and scritching,

while Leo beamed with the smug look of a man who’d
sprung a delightful surprise. “And I have another proposal,
though this may not suit you so well.” Julian put Pyon down
and paid attention. “I need someone to live in with me. I am
getting older, and the fact you were around when I had the
stroke, probably meant the difference between walking
around and being disabled. I could advertise for a live-in
aide—but I’d much rather have you. What do you say?
Companionship in exchange for rent and all found?
Absolutely no other duties other than the PA ones. I don’t

need a housekeeper, I just need someone around.”

“Are you kidding? Yes!”
Leo grinned. “Oh good—I was dreading having to find

someone I liked as well as you. So I can finally move out of
Zachary’s apartment and let the poor man have his privacy
back.”

“Um…what about my social life? I do have one—well,

kind of.”

“Ah. Yes. Perhaps I was getting ahead of myself. How

about if you’re to be out all night, we hire an attendant. And
if you fall madly in love with some handsome young man,
then we can discuss the transitional arrangements then. You
could sublet your apartment, so you don’t lose that security.
Think about it, Julian. That’s not so important as you being
my PA. I’d fight much harder for that.”

“I will.” But already he had accepted the idea he wanted

to live in this spacious apartment with the man who’d
become his closest friend over the last few weeks. It would
mean compromises—he’d never dream of bringing someone
home—but it hadn’t been a problem in the past. If he could
hang onto his old apartment, then if it didn’t work out, he’d
have a fall back. “Have you told Zachary about all this?
Won’t he think I'm invading his space?”

“I suspect he won’t be as resistant as you think. I’ll speak

to him over lunch—perhaps just the two of us, just this
once?”

“Sure…uh, when do you want me to move in?”
“Tonight, if you like. The second bedroom’s all ready.”
“Okay—you talk to him, I’ll go home and grab some

stuff. It’ll make a difference not to have to stagger home each
night.”

“Yes, I know.” Leo’s eyes were concerned now. “We’ve

been overworking you, and I'm sorry.”

“I’ve loved every minute of it.” And he meant it. Meeting

Leo had been one of the best things to ever happen to him.

Chapter 9

Leo gave him a key and told him to bring as much or as

little back as he liked, and to get a taxi at Leo’s expense. But
while Julian ate lunch as he packed a suitcase, Leo called
him.

“My dear boy, would you mind dallying over at your

place for a little while? Zachary and I have things to discuss
and we need to be alone while we do that.”

“Sure. Just call me when you’re done.”
Julian hung up. Had Zachary vetoed the idea? If the man

had been hoping to get rid of Julian’s constant presence once
his leg was completely mended, then Leo’s announcement
wouldn’t be good news.

He fretted, having already started to think about working

for Leo and living in his apartment, and now facing the
possibility that none of it would happen because of Zachary
and his phobias. Pyon caught his mood, and for the first time
in ages, started to play up, running around the apartment like
a mad thing, and getting into cupboards and making a mess.
Julian caught him up and gave him lots of cuddles and
attention which calmed him down, but couldn’t quite make
himself ask his kem to go inside, because sitting on his own
appealed less than chasing Pyon around and trying to make
him behave.

It was close to five when Leo called back. “I know it’s

late, Julian, but Zachary and I would love you to come back

for supper. Are you staying over tonight?”

“Is that okay?”
“Of course. You surely didn’t think…Zachary thought it

was a wonderful idea. All of it. Come back, Julian. All’s
well, I promise you.”

Julian almost burst into tears with raw relief. Instead, he

swung Pyon around and around. “It’s okay! Everything’s
okay!”

Pyon was so excited he ran around the room a dozen

times before he stopped, chirped and then demanded to be
picked up again and held close. Julian indulged him until
they were both a little calmer, and then quickly finished his
packing. It really was happening.

He caught a taxi to the other building, dumped his stuff in

Leo’s apartment, then came downstairs. He let himself into
the apartment, and found Leo and Zachary sitting at the dining
table, looking at Leo’s photos. At least—Leo was looking.
Zachary was petting Linis and staring into space, eyes red
and distant.

“Hey—is this a bad time?” He came to Zachary’s side.

“You okay?”

Zachary nodded. “We were…just talking about my…

Mama and Papa. I…” His voice trailed off.

“I hadn’t realised Zachary had no photos at all of his

parents,” Leo said, filling the silence.

“There were so many things I didn’t know,” Zachary

whispered. “So many things.” Linis sat and began to lick at
Zachary’s chin. Pyon whined and Julian let him go—his kem
leapt onto Zachary’s shoulder so he could nuzzle at his hair.
Julian wished he had a kem’s freedom so he could offer
some comfort. Zachary looked devastated.

Julian pulled up a chair. “You were a happy kid.”
“I must have been. I don’t remember. I don’t remember

anything before the crash. Not much, anyway. I feel…could
you both excuse me? Linis, Pyon, I need to get up, I'm sorry.”
He grabbed his crutches and hobbled away towards his
bedroom. The three kems ran after him. Julian hoped they’d
help.

A grim-faced Leo gathered the photos into the albums and

closed it.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to go?” Julian asked.

“He’s upset.”

“Yes, he is. And he needs his friends, so please don’t

leave, Julian. I…didn’t mean to expose him so much. I had
no idea that Caran had left me all the photos she had. I’d
always assumed Zachary had a collection—we just never
discussed it. We’ve never talked about any of this before. So
much wasted time.

“Will he be all right?”
“I hope so. He’s upset, but he was grateful to know more

about his parents, and Caran and Peter’s feelings, and…just
how he fitted in. You see, his understanding of the situation

hadn’t really moved on from what he understood as a child.
No one had explained, or helped him work it out. His own
reserve didn’t help of course, and Caran just never got over
Helena’s death. Peter didn’t either, I suspect. I know they
loved Zachary—I wish they’d found a way to show him that
more than they did.”

“My parents loving me…it’s been there all my life. I’ve

never doubted it, even when they’ve driven me crazy. He
must have been so lonely.”

“Yes. Which is why I won’t let him be alone now. I think

he knows it’s bad for him. I asked him if you should come
over and he said yes. He could have refused. He’s learning,
Julian.”

“He’s really glad I'm moving in?”
“Yes. Surprisingly so.” Leo smiled. “He pretends it’s so

Linis will have company, of course.”

Julian grinned. “Of course. Are you sure yourself? I'm a

slob.”

“And I can hire a cleaner, or someone with a shovel if

necessary. I wasn’t any tidier at your age, my dear boy. I'm
looking forward to it. I’ve been alone for too long, and I hate
it. Would you put that up on that bookcase for me? Thank
you. Now—he said he wanted to cook but I think that’ll wait
another day. Let’s choose a nice meal and then a decent film
to enjoy afterwards.”

The DVD player had been a new addition when Zachary

was released from hospital, and though he despised
television, Leo had introduced him to foreign cinema. Julian,
who in his student days had regularly haunted the art film
houses, had rediscovered his taste for it. Now he’d be able
to watch a film with them both and only have to get as far as
the stairs to go home. Luxury.

Zachary emerged when the food was delivered. He

looked very much calmer, though tired, and thanked Leo for
organising the food. “I want to cook tomorrow,” he insisted.

“Of course, my dear fellow. Julian’s in need of lessons

too—he’s hoping you’ll teach him some of your techniques.”

Julian, who had mentioned nothing of the sort, just smiled

and agreed, and mentally reminded himself that Leo was a
conniving old bastard and he, Julian, was a mere amateur in
the manipulating Zachary stakes. Zachary, though surprised at
Julian’s interest, was more than happy to agree to show him
whatever he wanted to know.

“And you should make him do the shopping,” Leo added.

“Learning where to buy the best ingredients is part of the
secret of being a good cook.”

“He can come with me…er, if you’d like,” Zachary

added, uncharacteristically hesitant.

“Sure. We can get a walk in and I can find out what’s

what at the same time.” And he’d better learn to feign a
genuine interest in cooking or Zachary would realise what
Leo had done. The old bastard.

Zachary always let the two of them choose the film,

having no experience in the matter, and willing to give
almost anything a try, at least once. Tonight, more subdued
than usual, he didn’t even look at what they’d chosen, just
taking up his usual position on the sofa. Julian sat on one
armchair, Leo on the other. Leo started the movie up, and
they settled back to watch.

Not five minutes later, Linis, who’d been lying

peacefully on Zachary’s lap, sat up and whined, before
stalking along the sofa, coming to rest on the arm closest to
Julian’s chair. He whined again, and stuck out a paw to bat
at Julian’s arm. Pyon, who’d also been lying quietly, jumped
up off Julian’s lap, ran across the floor, and leapt onto
Zachary’s lap.

“What the hell?” Julian asked, looking at Zachary. “Linis,

shoo.” The kem continued to stare at him, and batted at him
again, this time with a hint of claws. “What do you want?”

Linis turned around, ran across the sofa to Zachary, head

butted him, and then ran back to Julian, whining and batting
him. Leo laughed. “I would say Linis thinks you should be
sitting closer to Zachary.”

“Silly kem. Run away.” But Linis wouldn’t, and he

wouldn’t shut up either. The whining was getting on Julian’s
nerves. He finally looked at Zachary, who seemed as
bewildered as Julian felt. “Do you mind?”

“It’s worth a try. Linis, what’s wrong with you? Leave

Julian alone, please.”

But his kem ignored him, and actually hooked Julian’s

sleeve with his claws and tugged. Julian picked him up and
carried him over to the sofa, settling down at the very end,
trying hard not to encroach on Zachary’s space. “Happy
now?” he asked Linis as he set the big kem down.

Apparently not, because the whining continued until

Julian moved close enough to Zachary that Linis could lie on
the sofa, stretched out between the two men, his head on
Zachary’s lap and his tail and back legs on Julian. “Has he
ever done anything like this before?” Julian asked.

“Never. Linis, that looks very undignified.” Linis merely

twitched his tail. Pyon, taking his cue, stretched out
alongside his friend. Only Nuji retained some common
sense, sitting on Leo’s lap and squeaking in amusement at the
antics on the sofa.

Zachary shook his head at his kem. “If you’re quite

finished…Uncle Leo, would you mind rewinding? Someone
was distracting me.”

But Linis was still not happy. Julian had kept his hands

off the kem’s body, mindful of the effect on Zachary. Linis
had other ideas, digging his back feet into Julian and
whacking him with his tail and doing everything but sitting
up and shouting for Julian to pet him. Julian sighed and
stroked both kems. Linis settled down immediately.

“You mind?” he whispered at Zachary.

“I’ll survive,” his friend said dryly. “Linis, you’re being

a pest.” His kem ignored that remark as being beneath him.
When Zachary started to pet him as well, Linis trilled
quietly.

Julian couldn’t relax for a good while after that, worried

about Zachary’s reaction to Julian touching Linis. But
gradually he realised whatever sensations he received
through his kem seemed to be helping the man. Zachary’s
posture eased, and the hands moving over Pyon and Linis’s
fur showed no tension. He doubted Zachary was entirely
absorbed in the film—he seemed too distracted for that—but
Julian could detect no sign of distress or embarrassment.

Eventually he just concentrated on the long but excellent

film. As the credits rolled, he turned to Zachary to ask him
what he thought—and found the man had quietly fallen
asleep, head turned against the back of the sofa, his face soft
and relaxed.

“He’s been out for at least an hour,” Leo whispered,

smiling. “I wondered if you’d notice.”

“The movie was so good…I should wake him up.”
“Yes. You do that. I’ll see you upstairs.”
Julian waited until Leo left, hoping the slight noise might

rouse Zachary—but the man slumbered on. “Linis, you try.”

The kem yawned and gave Julian a ‘Me? You want me to

do your dirty work?’ look. So was no help. Julian finally had
to resort to giving Zachary a gentle push on the shoulder.

“Hey, Zachary—show’s over.”

Zachary woke with a start, blinking in the dim light.

“Oh…I slept?”

“Yes, you did. Leo’s gone to bed. You should too.”
“Yes.” But he made no move except to hold Linis close

to his chest, his expression sad. “I was dreaming. About…
Mama.”

“Was it nice?”
“Yes. It was. I just…haven’t dreamed about her since I

was a child.”

“The photos?”
“Yes. I…it…it was strange. I felt…almost like it was

just new to me. Like it hadn’t been more than twenty years.”

“You cried for them.”
Zachary nodded. “I felt rather foolish.”
“I don’t think so.” It was rather curiously intimate, this

quiet conversation about such a personal thing, in the
darkened living room. It surprised Julian that Zachary would
even speak of this to him, but he felt the man wanted…
something…from him. “You didn’t cry for your grandparents
either, did you?”

“No. Because…I don’t know why, exactly. I just…

thought it wasn’t right. That Grandfather would disapprove.”

“Your granddad isn’t you.” He reached behind him and

turned on the little table lamp. Pyon walked over onto his lap
and looked up, as if waiting for Julian to get moving. “Will

you be okay tonight? Leo would sleep down here if you
wanted. Or I could, since he’s got that medical alert thing. I
don’t need to be in the apartment itself.”

Zachary sat up a little. “No…it’s enough you’re both

upstairs. Close but…”

“Not too close?”
“Yes. I have to admit I was relieved when Uncle Leo

told me what you and he had arranged. It’s the perfect
solution for him—but for you?”

“For me too. Come on, let me help you up.”
He kept his grasp impersonal and brief, letting go as soon

as Zachary had his feet under him. “Okay, see you tomorrow.
If you need anything…I keep my mobile in my room. You can
call me, you won’t wake him up.”

“I'm perfectly fine, Julian.” But before Julian could take

offence at the cool words, Zachary smiled slightly. “I
appreciate…the thought.”

“Good night, Zachary.” Pyon squeaked. “He says good

night too.”

“Yes, I know.”
Julian grinned at that, then let himself out. He found Leo

waiting for him in the apartment, eyes anxious, cuddling Nuji
to his chest and stroking his tail.

“He’s fine,” Julian reassured him. “Tired, a bit emotional

about stuff, but he’s okay.”

“Oh, I do hope so. Linis was worried.”

“That was what all that nonsense was about?”
“Well, of course. Linis thinks you’re good for him.

They’re not exactly subtle creatures, kems—are you, my dear
fellow?” he said, nuzzling Nuji. “And Zachary will tolerate
interference from Linis that he wouldn’t from a human. I
confess myself curious as to how far Linis will go, but you
should let him guide you. If there’s anyone or anything on the
planet who knows how Zachary’s mind works, it’s his kem.”

“I think you’ve got a fair idea too. What’s this about me

wanting to be a cook?”

Leo’s guileless expression was a fraud. “I thought you

might like to learn. He’s an excellent cook, but you could
guess that. Teaching you will give him an excuse for your
company he’d never ask for on his own account.”

“Are you pushing us together?”
“I'm encouraging two young men who should be friends,

to be friends. Zachary needs you, and he’s good for you as
well. Your kems are all for it—you’re powerless to resist.”

Julian shook his head in disgust. “Pushing Zachary where

Zachary doesn’t want to be, isn’t a great idea. He’s only just
stopped being all huffy with me over every little thing. Don’t
back him into a corner, please, Leo.”

“I won’t. But he’s making strides. He’s not who he was

when we first met. I want that process to continue, and I need
your help.”

“You,” Julian said, wagging his finger at his friend,

“need a hobby.”

“I have one—you.”
Julian sighed. The man was impossible—and impossible

to be annoyed with. “I give up. And I'm also going to bed.
Goodnight.” He gave Leo’s arm a little squeeze. “Those
photos meant a lot to him. He needed them, I think.”

“Yes, he did. Just…well, if only I’d given them sooner.

But at least he’s got them now. Goodnight, Julian. I know I’ll
sleep sounder for you being here.”

Julian’s new bed was the most comfortable he’d ever

slept on—ironically, he’d helped Leo choose the mattress
without the slightest inkling of what the man planned to
suggest to him—but it took a little while for him to get to
sleep. He kept thinking about Zachary, and his parents, and
how awful it would be to go through life not knowing about
them, not having any clear memories—and to believe that the
people who’d brought you up, didn’t care all that much about
you. He promised himself that he’d call his Mum the very
next day and tell her he loved her. He didn’t do that often
enough—and if Zachary’s situation could teach him anything,
it was that you could never know when the last time you saw
someone, really would be the last time.

Julian’s family weren’t rich, and none of them were

travelled or worldly. Sometimes that lack of worldiness
really annoyed him. But he wouldn’t trade any of them—or
any time with them—for all Zachary’s privileges and wealth.

Money just wasn’t a substitute.

By day, Julian’s new status changed little in their routine.

There was some legal stuff to sort out, to give Julian
adequate protection in case of Leo’s death or a breakdown in
their relationship, and to protect Leo against exploitation.
Both sides were handled with scrupulous fairness by one of
Zachary’s colleagues at the law firm, not Zachary himself,
who wanted to ensure neither Julian nor Leo later felt there
had been improper bias. But that took up only a day in total,
and the rest of Julian’s duties were exactly as they had been.
Leo was slowly introducing him to the business matters
which he would later handle, but there wasn’t a huge amount,
and Leo’s accountants did most of the work. The rest of the
time, Julian was just Leo’s companion—his friend, his
helper, his foil for the man’s wicked humour. He kept
waiting for the downside, but it never came. He was being
paid to spend time with someone he’d gladly help for free,
and he had to keep pinching himself to convince himself it
wasn’t all some wonderful dream.

Zachary went back to work on half-days, the afternoons

being taken up with physiotherapy appointments and other
minor chores. The ugly wheelchair-friendly car had been
sold, but at Julian’s suggestion, replaced with a sleeker,
smaller one, to give them a little more flexibility with
outings and quick dashes here and there. He gave Zachary
lifts to his appointments about half the time, because they

could then run errands afterwards. Julian and Leo wanted to
encourage Zachary to think it normal to have someone else
around when he did things, so more often than not, they
invented a perfectly plausible reason for Zachary to need a
lift rather than a taxi. Zachary, Julian suspected, was well
aware of their game—but never argued about it. The guy was
learning.

It was the evenings that started to freak Julian out, just

slightly. Zachary seemed to have accepted that Julian and
Leo would come over each night for supper, either prepared
by him (occasionally with Julian’s assistance), or ordered
in. That was followed either by a film, or Zachary and Julian
playing chess with Leo watching and arching his eyebrow in
a knowing manner, or just sitting and talking, often about
Leo’s past travel experiences.

The chess was fine, even if Julian was hardly a worthy

opponent for Zachary unless Leo helped him (and even then,
Zachary could kick his arse.) But when they were watching a
film or talking or doing anything that involved sitting on the
sofa and armchairs, Linis, and then Pyon, would start up the
peculiar business of forcing Julian to sit closer to Zachary.
Once they tried switching chairs—but Linis then nagged
Zachary to move back onto the sofa. After a week, Julian
gave up, and sat on the sofa next to Zachary without any need
for the kems to ‘persuade’ them. The smug look Linis gave
him that night was positively human.

None of that bothered Julian much, but the way Zachary

just accepted it, did. He didn’t seem to find any of it
annoying—a little peculiar, certainly, but not enough to resist
Linis’s efforts. The fact that he was spending hours on most
nights voluntarily sitting less than a foot away from another
person, didn’t make him react as Julian would have
predicted a bare two weeks before. Half a dozen times it
was on the very tip of Julian’s tongue to ask him why it
didn’t bother him—and half a dozen times, he thought about
Leo’s hopes that Zachary would get used to having people
around, and he shut up.

Leo’s plan seemed to be working. More subtle than

Linis’s manoeuvrings, the principle was the same—to
gradually desensitise Zachary, until he forgot he was a
solitary man who disliked being physically close to other
people. The shopping trips for ingredients were another
small way in which Zachary was kept company without it
being obvious. Once he was off the crutches, and slowly
building up strength and stamina again, it seemed natural for
Julian and Leo to accompany him on shorter walks, Julian
for longer ones with plans to resume jogging anytime now.
Julian went to the gym with him as well, on the pretext of
needing to improve fitness for his own sake.

He realised about a week after Zachary had gone back to

work full-time that he was spending almost as much time
with the man now as he had while he’d been injured—and

nearly as much time as he was with Leo. It worried him a
little.

“Don’t you think he should be meeting other people as

well?” he said to Leo over lunch one day, when they were
discussing plans for a weekend away. Today was Zachary’s
birthday, and the surprise weekend trip was Leo’s gift to him
—a ferry ride out to an island famous for its wildlife, a night
in a hotel with magnificent views, and then a boat tour to
look for marine animals before heading back to the mainland.

“All in good time, Julian. Are you still planning to ask

him to go with you to your brother’s wedding?”

“I’ll ask, but even if he agrees, which he won’t, I can’t

see him enjoying it much. And then he’ll be cranky with me.”

“Give him some credit, dear boy. I think you should ask

him. Let him expand his horizons a little.”

“My family tend to narrow them. They did for me.”
“And yet you turned out just fine. Your parents must be

such monsters.”

“They’re not,” Julian muttered as Leo smirked

knowingly. “They’re just not much like you or him.”

“Another reason he should go. In the meantime, I’ve got a

few ideas to entice him out. You’re still enjoying the cooking
lessons?”

“Yes, I really am. I mean…he’s a natural teacher. I

worked out I just need to shut up for a while, and then he
starts to talk, almost like he can’t help himself.”

Leo smiled. “And you love to listen, so it’s a perfect

match. Encourage him. We can use that to help him make
other friends.”

“How?”
“I have some ideas. Right now, I'm just delighted that

he’s learning that people as well as kems can make good
companions. Well done.”

Julian felt a bit of a hypocrite for accepting any thanks.

He’d done nothing—Zachary had done all the hard work.
Julian had only had to sit still and wait for Zachary to come
slowly out of his shell. He could hardly say he hadn’t
enjoyed it either. Scheme of Leo’s or not, the cooking
lessons had become one of his treats, and tonight, for
Zachary’s birthday, Julian was making a special meal in
Leo’s apartment. He hoped he wouldn’t mess it up. He
wanted to show Zachary that he’d been paying attention, that
he appreciated the time Zachary had spent on him. If Zachary
was learning how to be around people, Julian had learned to
appreciate them. He’d been—still was, most likely—a
thoughtless, careless grub but Leo and Zachary had shown
him that to be considered worth knowing, he had to be worth
knowing. He liked himself better these days too.

Both Leo and Zachary loved seafood, and Julian had

learned to like it, though he suspected he would never adore
it as they did. But what he did enjoy was the fish markets,
shopping with either of them, seeing the strange sea creatures

he wouldn’t even know how to start to cook, let alone eat,
watching Leo ask knowledgeable questions and drive hard
bargains for the freshest and best. Julian was happy to cook
whatever Leo bought, but he let the master do the picking.

They selected a few other items, and then a taxi home

before it got dark and even colder. Then Leo had kem
watching duty—in particular, keeping Pyon’s nose out of the
food preparation—while Julian marinaded and sliced and
whipped and dunked and tasted. It wasn’t the fanciest meal
any of them had eaten even since Leo had arrived, but he’d
been researching, and had a few ideas that Zachary hadn’t
tried yet. The food was simple—lightly breaded and fried
calamari with a salad, grilled sea bass and steamed
vegetables, and a whipped fruit mousse that tasted decadent
but which would sit easily on the stomach—but the details
were what Julian hoped Zachary would notice. And if not—
well, it was all damn healthy stuff. No alcohol, the handmade
bread was wholemeal and the entire meal was low in
saturated fat and refined carbohydrates. Even if Zachary
hadn’t lectured him endlessly about the correct way to eat to
keep their kems happy, Julian would have made the meal this
way for Leo’s sake. Leo’s latest check had shown him to be
in excellent health for a man ten years younger—and Julian
planned to keep it that way.

Zachary called up on the private intercom they’d set up

between the apartments to say he was home, and five minutes

later he turned up at their door.

“I'm not late, I hope,” he said, smiling tiredly. Linis leapt

down to the floor where Pyon and Nuji indulged in a
kemmish orgy of welcome, with much licking and cuddling.

Leo handed his nephew a cup of green tea in his own

welcome gesture. “Not at all, and happy thirty-first birthday,
my dear boy.”

“Thank you, Uncle Leo.” He pulled up a chair at the

kitchen counter to watch Julian’s final preparations. “Need a
hand?”

“No, all done. Happy birthday from me too.”
“Thank you. They bought me a cake at work,” Zachary

said, frowning. “I don’t eat cake. And they gave me a pen.
I’ve got all the pens I need.”

“It’s a mark of respect, that’s all. They like you.”
“They do? Why?”
Leo laughed and Julian grinned. “Why not?” they

chorused and Zachary just shook his head.

Julian handed the man a plate of plain nuts and some

dried lentil things that Zachary liked as a snack. “Is it a nice
pen?”

“It is. But I’ve got enough pens.”
“They don’t go off. Keep it for when you run out.”
“But they’ll give me another one next year. How can I ask

them not to?”

“You can’t. They love birthdays in that office. Cheer up,

it’s over now. I didn’t get you anything.”

“Good,” Zachary said with such feeling Julian had to grin

again. “I don’t need things. People don’t understand that.”

“I do,” Leo said, handing him an envelope. “I can assure

you that all I’ve given you in there is memories.”

“More photos?”
“New memories.”
Zachary read the letter and examined the booking forms.

“Oh, this is wonderful, Uncle Leo, thank you—but it’s for
two people.”

“You and Julian, yes. It’s too cold for me, and my doctor

thought it might be wiser to do it in the spring.”

“You didn’t say you weren’t going,” Julian said, hands

on his hips. “I can’t leave you alone.”

“You can and you shall. You need some time off from

me, so it’s my gift for you too. Julian, my boy, you spend
almost every hour of every day in my company. Love you
dearly as I do, I'm sure there are times you wish to be around
people more your own age. Go, enjoy yourself, take lots of
photos and come back and tell me all about it. And then
when it’s warmer, we can do something similar, altogether.”

“It makes sense,” Zachary said. “We can make sure it’s

suitable for Uncle Leo. The weather forecast is for very cold
weather—perfect for walking, but…”

“Not so good for him. Okay.” Julian didn’t like it, but

they had already planned for the times when he would be

away or taking a night off. This would count as a dry run and
he was sure canny Mr Underwood had already thought of
that.

“Excellent,” Leo said. “So enjoy it, both of you, and I can

be naughty without my keepers around.” He winked at Julian
to take away the offence while Zachary looked to the
heavens for patience with his wicked old uncle.

Supper together wasn’t anything unusual any more, but

Leo and Julian had done their best to make it a little special,
breaking out table decorations that had been in storage since
Leo’s last lover had died, and exotic yellow flowers—just a
few—sitting in single-stem vases here and there on the table.
Julian had been in fits wondering if Pyon would suddenly
take it into his head to rampage up and down, but Linis had a
calming effect on the two smaller kems, and the three of them
curled up together on a chair while their humans indulged
themselves,

As usual, Zachary ate in silence, concentrating on the

food. Julian watched him closely for any signs of pleasure or
distaste—but the man was irritatingly opaque. At least, he
was until dessert arrived, and as he tried the handmade
chocolate dipped cherry on the top of his serve of mousse, he
smiled. He ate it delicately, laid the stem beside his plate,
and then he bowed his head. “Julian, that’s exquisite.
Really…all of the food has been most…acceptable.”

“Acceptable?” Leo glared narrowly at his nephew.

“That’s possibly the nicest meal I’ve had in ten years.”

“Well yes. I didn’t want to imply it was the best he could

ever achieve. I expect you to only improve from now on.”

Julian glowed with pride. “Try the mousse?” Zachary

had a slight sweet tooth, but he was so picky, it was hard to
get exactly the right balance between flavours that he’d like.

Zachary tasted it, then another spoonful, and sighed.

“Delicious. I could never get the hang of desserts. You’re my
master in those.”

Julian felt almost unbearably smug, and when both men

asked him for seconds, he thought all the hassle of making the
meal had been well worth it.

Zachary was tired, but he seemed reluctant to let the

evening end early, so Julian selected a film and they settled
down to watch. He didn’t tempt fate—or Linis’s wrath—by
sitting on the armchair. As soon as he put his backside down
on the sofa, Zachary’s kem and his own jumped up and took
up their now habitual position between the two humans.

Leo came over, looked down, and smiled at them all.

“They have you two trained, don’t they?” He lowered the
lights and sat on his usual chair, pressing the command to
play.

Julian had seen the film several times before, though it

was new to Zachary, so his attention drifted. He felt content
and satisfied with his efforts tonight—Zachary’s reaction had
been much more generous than he’d expected. Fulsome,

even. That was the nice thing about Zachary—you could trust
his praise completely. You could trust him completely
because he didn’t lie. He saw no point in lying, and what he
found pointless, he didn’t indulge in.

He smiled to himself at Zachary’s peaceful expression. It

had become more common to see him like this, even before
he’d shed the nuisance of the crutches. It was as if Leo’s
presence had eased the sourness in him, lanced the wound.
He was still sharp, and inclined to be truthful more than
polite, but the anger that had coloured so many of Julian’s
earlier conversations with him, had gone or been muted. It
might not have been all Leo, Julian considered. A brush with
death might have made him reassess things. One day, Julian
might even ask him, but that much hadn’t changed—Zachary
still avoided personal topics of conversation, even with
someone like Leo.

Julian’s hands moved almost automatically over Linis’s

thick soft fur, and then over Pyon’s shorter coat. They were
so cute together, and inseparable. Nuji was their friend, but
if Pyon had to choose, Linis won every time. Julian had no
idea what Linis would do, but it was funny to see how
playful the big, dignified kem became around Pyon. Linis’s
affection didn’t extend so much to Julian, but then he tended
to mostly ignore humans except Zachary. Unless of course
the big guy wanted something and then you couldn’t escape
from his golden gaze. Persistent, Julian thought, running his

hand down Linis’s buttocks and then back along his spine.

His fingers brushed Zachary’s accidentally—he quickly

moved his hand and smiled in apology. Zachary only glanced
his way and then turned back to the screen. Julian tried to be
more careful, not wanting to make this uncomfortable for the
man.

But then his fingers met Zachary’s again—and this time,

Zachary didn’t move his hand in the least. Julian frowned a
little and went to lift his own hand—only to find Zachary’s
on top, trapping his. He stared at Zachary, but the man wasn’t
looking his way at all. Very carefully not looking his way.

Julian left his hand where it was. After a few moments,

Zachary squeezed his fingers and then resumed his gentle
stroking of the two kems’ fur.

That destroyed any idea of him concentrating on the film

after that, though he pretended to as best he could, for Leo’s
sake. Every few seconds, Zachary’s fingers would brush
feather light over his skin, as if by accident—but it was no
accident. What Julian couldn’t figure out was what the guy
was up to. Touches were significant things to Zachary—so
why him, why now and why at all?

The film was a mere hour and a half long—it felt more

like five hours before the credits rolled. Leo and Zachary
stood almost at once. Julian sat a little longer, feeling rather
confused about what Zachary had meant by all that.

“Well, goodnight, Zachary,” Leo said, as Nuji jumped up

into his arms. “I’ll see you tomorrow before you head out.”

“Yes, you will. Thank you, Uncle Leo. Thank you both.

It’s been the nicest birthday I can remember.”

“Ah, wait until you see what I’ve got planned for next

year. Julian, see you in the morning.”

Julian waved as Leo left the room, then he stared up at

Zachary. He opened his mouth to speak, but Zachary, his
green eyes giving absolutely nothing away, put his finger to
his lips and pointed to the floor, before picking up Linis and
heading out. Julian gave him two seconds’ head start, then
followed, Pyon tucked under his arm and being suspiciously
quiet.

The lower apartment’s door was open. He walked in and

Zachary standing in the middle of the living room, hands
curled into light fists, his eyes shadowed and unreadable.

“What’s going on?” Julian demanded.
“I…don’t know. I…touched you…by accident. Then I…I

wanted to touch you again. I'm sorry.”

Julian came closer, setting Pyon down. His kem ran over

to Linis and then the two of them sat, heads tilted in an
identical manner, watching the two humans. But Julian’s
attention wasn’t on their kems.

“Do you want to touch me again now?”
“I…think I do. I don’t know why. I just…it’s like being

hungry, but we just had that big meal.”

He sounded aggrieved by this and Julian couldn’t help

grinning. “I don’t think it’s your stomach that’s hungry.” He
was now almost toe-to-toe with Zachary. He had only to lift
his hand and he’d be touching the man. But he didn’t lift his
hand, wanting this to be Zachary’s move.

“I don’t know what to do, Julian. I don’t know what this

feeling is. I don’t know why it is.”

“I think you do. It has to be your choice.”
Zachary stared, unblinking, right into Julian’s eyes. Julian

could read nothing of his emotions, except that they were
intense enough to make Zachary’s hand shake a little as he
lifted it. He held his breath, waiting, wondering—what
would he do?

Zachary’s hand wavered, uncertain, until it came to rest

on Julian’s chest, dropping quickly as if Zachary realised
how personal such a gesture was.

Julian caught his hand and held it. “It’s okay,” he said

quietly. “I don’t mind.”

“But it’s not something you want.”
“Would I be here if that was true? Zachary, you can read

Linis, you can read me.”

But Zachary was paralysed, unable to decide what to do,

and Julian realised if he didn’t help, Zachary would never
make that first step. So he made it for him, stepping further
into Zachary’s personal space and putting his arms lightly
around the man’s waist. Unmistakeably a hug but loose
enough that Zachary could escape without a struggle or loss

of dignity. If he wanted to. Did he?

For a second or two, it felt like he didn’t, his body rigid

and his expression tense. But then Zachary relaxed and lifted
his hand again, this time to lightly caress Julian’s cheek with
the back of his fingers. “This is okay?”

“This is fine. Is it a good feeling? Me holding you?”

Julian hoped so because holding Zachary like this was so
sweet…so much something that he wanted to keep doing. But
only if Zachary wanted it.

“Yes. Yes it is, but I don’t know why. It should make me

panic. It did before.”

Linis trilled suddenly, making them both jump. Julian

grinned. “I think he knows why.”

“He’s been pushing us together for weeks.” Zachary

frowned. “So has Leo. Are we being managed?”

“I think maybe we are.” Julian reached up to cup

Zachary’s jaw. “Do you mind?”

“No. But I have no idea what to do now.”
Julian caressed him a little. “I can’t stay, unless you

come upstairs…”

“I'm…not… Perhaps…not now.”
“Not yet, no.” He leaned up. Zachary was three inches

taller than him, which made this slightly more difficult…but
the man realised his intentions and bent down a little. Julian
brushed his lips against Zachary’s, a dry, sexless kiss that
they could write off as friendly affection—if they wanted to.

“Is that…my first?” Zachary’s forehead wrinkled as if he

was disappointed.

“No.” Julian leaned up again, and this time, did it right,

his hand firmly behind Zachary’s sleek head, his lips intent
and gently demanding. “This is.”

Of course Zachary had no clue what to do, but Julian did,

nibbling gently and teasing with lips and tongue, persuading
an untutored mouth that this was a good thing, and something
to do again. He almost grinned as he felt the firmness against
his stomach, evidence through immaculate trousers that,
virgin or not, Zachary was starting to work things out.

He let the embrace go on, because Zachary felt good

against him, against his lips, and Zachary’s arms around his
shoulders told him that his companion wanted this. He’d
never been this careful before—never needed to be. But this
was too important to screw up.

When he realised Zachary had become passive, no longer

reacting, he loosened his embrace, expecting Zachary to push
him away. But he didn’t. He just stared down, eyes confused.
“I…that…felt good. But…I don’t want our friendship to
change. This could change it.”

“It could be good.”
“It could be a disaster. You forget I'm a lawyer. I see the

results of broken relationships all the time.” But still he kept
his arms where they were.

“So you think we should stop?”

“I…don’t know. You do—why don’t you decide?”
“Because there are two people involved. And two kems

and one interfering old bastard we both love to bits.”

Zachary nodded, and stepped away. Julian couldn’t help

the pang that went through him, but perhaps Zachary was
right to be sensible…

“Maybe…we should think about it some more.”
Linis whined. Julian turned around and wagged his

finger. “Oh no you don’t. And not you either, Pyon,” he
added as his kem squeaked. “This is too important. Zachary,
we can take as long as you want. If you say stop, I won’t be
upset, honest. If you say…go slow, I'm fine with that. You’re
worth waiting for.”

“I…appeal to you?”
“Hell yes. You ‘appealed’ even when I hated your guts.”

Zachary looked rather offended at that. “That was a long time
ago. Yes, you appeal. Very, very much. But I'm not the only
guy around. Are you sure you’re even gay?”

Zachary blinked. “Uh, I don’t know. How would I tell? I

never felt anything for anyone like this.”

“Then maybe it’s just…you know, me being here.

Opportunity and all that.”

Zachary’s expression fell. “Oh. So this isn’t real? These

feelings are…simply convenient?”

Julian shrugged, feeling a bit of a prick for tripping up

Zachary’s baby steps but wanting the man to be clear-headed

enough to realise what was happening. “People fall in and
out of love and lust all the time. The feelings are real…they
just might not be permanent. And that’s fine. I don’t mind…
you trying stuff out with me.” He kept his tone and his
expression light. He had to convince himself what he’d just
said was true—eventually.

“You’re a friend. I can’t treat a friend like that. No. I

won’t. Better…not to ‘try stuff’ with anyone than to treat
them like a toy.”

Julian sighed, stepped up and took Zachary’s hand. “I'm

not a toy,” he said quietly. “I'm not a kem either. I can walk
away, and I can sure tell you where to shove it—you already
know that. You’ll still be my friend—if we can survive all
that’s happened, we can survive…this. Whatever ‘this’ ends
up being.” He leaned up and placed a kiss on Zachary’s
cheek. “I'm going upstairs. We can talk over the weekend.
Goodnight.”

Zachary touched his cheek where Julian had kissed him, a

distant expression in his eyes. “Good night…and thank you.
For…a wonderful evening. All of it.”

“You’re welcome. Taxi at seven tomorrow night to take

us to the train station. I’ll see you then.”

Zachary looked as if he wanted more but Julian was firm

with him and himself, walking away and calling Pyon after
him. He got the distinct impression the kems were
disappointed. Too bad. They’d manoeuvred Zachary into

position, and now it was up to him to take it from there.

“But don’t think I'm not grateful,” he whispered to Pyon

in bed that night, rubbing his nose against his kem’s soft
tummy. Pyon trilled and curled up on his chest, licking
Julian’s chin. Julian couldn’t help wishing it was Zachary’s
tongue, and the man’s long body against him. Still…the kiss
had been nice. More than nice. And to be repeated, with any
luck.

Chapter 10

Not saying anything to Leo was hard, if only because

Julian knew how delighted the man would be. But he was
afraid of Leo pushing the way Linis and Pyon were, out of
eagerness, and Zachary was too fragile for that.

Somehow he managed to maintain discretion, and the

afternoon was taken up packing for the weekend and making
sure the attendants they’d booked for Leo were properly
briefed. Julian still felt uneasy about leaving Leo, and if
anything happened to him while he was off having fun, he’d
never forgive himself. Leo dismissed all his fears and told
him that he felt entirely content that Julian and Zachary
would be out enjoying the crisp early winter while he was
tucked up warm and comfortable at home.

Zachary showed up just before seven, all packed and

ready. Nothing in his manner or expression betrayed what
had passed between them the night before, and he let Leo
tease him as he always did. But when the taxi driver called
to say he’d arrived downstairs, Zachary went to his uncle
and squeezed his shoulder—Leo looked as surprised as
Julian felt by the unusual gesture.

“Thank you, Uncle Leo. For everything and for this.”
“My dear boy. So little, so late.”
Zachary glanced at Julian, then smiled at his uncle. “Not

too late. We’ll see you Sunday night.”

“With photos!”

“Yes, with photos. Come on, Julian.”
Zachary said not another word to him until they were in

their seats on the train and supper had been served. The
waiter left them to it, but Zachary didn’t pick up his knife and
fork.

“Something wrong with the food?” Julian asked. It was

nothing amazing, but what did he expect on a train, even in
first class?

“No. I…uh…haven’t had much of an appetite today.”
“Are you sick? Zachary, you should have—”
Zachary held up his hand. “Not sick. Just…distracted.”
Then he smiled, and Julian was lost in how very

handsome he looked when he did that. The man was simply
gorgeous. “Anything I can do?”

“You’re doing it. You’re here. I'm…glad of that.”
“Uh…me too.”
Pyon stuck his head up from where he’d been hiding on

Julian’s lap, and gave a loud, enthusiastic chirp. Linis, on
Zachary’s shoulders, gave a wide yawn and then licked a
long stripe up Zachary’s cheek.

“I think it’s unanimous,” Julian said, straight-faced, and

Zachary grinned. His grins were even more handsome than
his smiles—and more precious for being so rare.

They ate in silence, but their eyes met more than once,

asking questions, seeking reassurances. The words backed
into Julian’s teeth but he didn’t want to let them pass.

Zachary was hardly rejecting him, but Julian already knew
how easy it was to make him retreat into his shell. He didn’t
want that. He’d become used to Zachary in his life and now
he knew that he definitely didn’t want to lose him. The only
question was in what way could he keep him—as a friend, or
something…more.

Their plates were cleared and they could relax now for

the remaining hour of the trip. As soon as the waiter left,
Linis jumped down from Zachary’s shoulder and stalked
regally across the tabletop. He stopped in front of Pyon,
licked his face, and then the smaller kem climbed up onto the
table as well. Linis stepped down onto Julian’s lap—and
Pyon went over to Zachary and mewled pathetically as if he
hadn’t just had hours and hours of cuddles and attention.
“Ingrate,” Julian muttered.

Zachary picked Pyon up and looked at him severely. “I

do know what you’re up to, you know.” He glanced at Linis.
“And you.”

Linis chirped quietly, his liquid golden gaze quite serene,

before he head butted Julian’s stomach as if to tell him to get
on with the required petting and adoration.

What could he do but obey, when Zachary had already

put Pyon on his lap and started to stroke him with the
exquisite gentleness Julian had noticed from the very
beginning. So strange that a man who could be so verbally
harsh, was almost always so tender, so careful in his

movements around the kems. And people, if truth be told.
Even though he despised most of humanity, he didn’t show it
in his actions. Julian wondered if it was a matter of genuine
dislike, or if it was fear of what he didn’t understand. Maybe
both.

Linis was trilling, so was Pyon. Zachary had his eyes

closed, an expression of contentment on his face. Julian
could guess the reason, from the little bursts of pleasure he
received from the man’s hands on Pyon’s body.

He looked down at the beautiful kem in his lap. Linis

looked disgustingly smug. Oh yes, you know exactly what
you’re doing, you pair. But it was hard to resent something
that made him feel so good—and wasn’t exactly harming
Zachary either.

It was a curiously intimate, sensual experience, sharing

vicarious strokes this way. They didn’t speak, didn’t need to.
They both knew what was happening, how it felt—and they
both wanted it, which made the difference.

A taxi to the hotel, check-in for two adjoining rooms, and

up in the old, cramped lift. Zachary stared straight ahead, not
saying a word. His expression had lost that lovely
contentment, and Julian wondered what was going on inside
that handsome, inscrutable skull. Second thoughts? Third,
fourth and fifth thoughts? He tried to ready himself for the
almost inevitable. Zachary getting cold feet wouldn’t break
his heart, he told himself firmly. They’d still be friends and

that was all that mattered.

At Zachary’s door, Julian smiled brightly. “Bright and

early then. See you at seven.”

“Yes.”
Zachary put the keycard in the door. Julian shouldered his

backpack and wondered if the man would even be speaking
to him tomorrow. Maybe they should talk now? “You know I
could—”

“You could stay if you—” Zachary stopped. “Sorry, you

could…?”

“Stay. Talk. Um…and, you know…talk.”
“Like we did on the train? With the kems?”
Julian flushed. “Um…we don’t need the kems, not

exactly.” Pyon squeaked and Julian stroked his tail. “No
offence, little fella.”

“You, ah…?”
Julian sighed, grabbed the keycard off his friend, and

opened the door. “Just go inside, Zachary.” Otherwise they’d
be dithering all night.

He dropped his pack and took Zachary’s from his hand,

setting it on the floor. “Come here,” he said firmly, holding
his arms out and hoping like hell he hadn’t read this wrong.

He hadn’t. Zachary had only been waiting for the

invitation, and the arms that went around Julian’s shoulders
were eager and affectionate, almost desperate. “I…I…had
the strangest feeling all day. That I needed to do this. But I

didn’t know how to ask you.”

Julian pulled him down for a gentle, unassuming kiss.

“Next time, just do it, okay? Because I wanted it too. You’ve
been stroking my…kem…for over an hour. Man, I really
wanted to hold you.”

“My…kem…was rather stimulated too.”
Julian pressed against him, felt the proof hard against his

stomach. “It sure was. I'm sleeping here tonight. Is that all
right with you?”

“Uh…” The man’s eyes darted nervously towards the

bed.

“Sleeping, Zachary. Maybe some more of this…” He

kissed him again, this time with a little more energy. “And a
lot more of this holding stuff, but we’ve got nine hours to get
eight hours sleep and I want more than an hour to…um…”

“De-virginise me?”
Julian blinked in shock. “You…you want that? Now?

Here?”

“Julian, I might not be experienced but you and Leo have

been force-feeding me romantic films for months. I do know
what usually comes next…uh…doesn’t it?”

He was so damn cute when he was confused. “Usually,”

Julian said, grinning up at his companion. “But not
necessarily, and not necessarily this weekend. Right now,
bed and sleep.”

“And…this,” Zachary said, bending and giving Julian a

clumsy, sweet kiss that did weird things to the pit of his
stomach.

“Yes—and that.”
Considering Zachary’s many issues, if the man had come

out of the bathroom wearing a neck to ankle nightshirt, Julian
wouldn’t have been surprised, but he emerged wearing
nothing but spotless underpants and a bashful expression.
Pretty much what Julian was wearing, only a cheaper brand
of underpants.

And Julian didn’t have all the scars on that flat stomach.

He went to Zachary and placed his palm carefully over the
worst of them. “They must have hurt,” he whispered.

“Yes, at the time. It’s fine now. My leg and arm ache in

the cold but I'm told that’s normal. The ribs…sometimes
too.”

“Too close.” He bent and kissed the puckered, imperfect

surface—shivers rippled under the skin, under his lips.
“Don’t do that again.”

“I hadn’t planned on doing it the first time. Still, I don’t

think that driver will run over another lawyer in a hurry.”

“She damn well better not.” The woman had been drunk

and unlicensed and was looking at jail time. Zachary’s
insurers were handling the civil suit against various parties.
Zachary professed a complete lack of interest in the outcome,
since he was now well and the woman was no longer a
danger to any other pedestrians, but Julian wanted maximum

retribution for what had been done to Zachary. “Come to
bed.”

It was a huge bed, about the only luxurious thing in an

otherwise ordinary room, so if Zachary’s fear of physical
closeness overwhelmed him, he had plenty of room to
escape. But right now, he didn’t seem to want to, and when
Julian took him into his arms, he cuddled close as if he’d
done it for years.

Julian kissed him, still besotted with the feel and shape

of those perfect, kissable lips. Zachary was still rather
passive, but willing just the same. There’d be time for him to
take the upper hand later, if he wanted.

An indignant squeak came from the foot of the bed. Pyon

sat there next to Linis—one of them was bitching, but Julian
didn’t know which. “Uh uh—you arranged it, you don’t get to
complain now.”

“Linis? Come here.”
Julian groaned to himself as Zachary’s kem strolled over

and Zachary cuddled him close, nuzzling and petting him.
Romance was finished for the evening…

But then Zachary sat up and firmly set Linis down at the

end of the bed, giving Pyon a pet as he did so. “You two, go
enjoy yourselves over there, and quietly, please. Yes, Pyon,
you’re a good fellow. Thank you.” To Julian’s amazement,
the two kems leapt off the bed together and onto the armchair
where they proceeded to curl around each other and look for

all the world like they were kissing. Zachary turned around
to face Julian, who was still gaping. “You only have to ask
nicely.”

“Would it have worked with you?”
Zachary smiled. “You’ll never know, will you.”
Julian held out his hand and tugged Zachary back to his

side. “I do now.”

He kissed Zachary again, because kissing was good and

they both liked it, while Zachary’s hands roved over his
back, hesitantly gentle.

“Your skin…so soft.”
“Uh, that’s not usually something you say to a guy,

Zachary.”

“I don’t care, it’s true. And not as flabby as it was when I

met you. Ow.” Julian had tugged his earlobe. “It’s true.”

“It’s rude. It’s also stopping me kissing you, so decide if

you want to talk about my former flab or be kissed.”

Zachary went very still and quiet.
“Well?” Julian demanded.
“I don’t want to talk. I spend all day doing that. I’ve

spent all day…thinking about you kissing me. Please?”

Grinning, Julian turned off the light and obliged. Zachary

tasted…clean and sweet and his clumsy style just felt so
right, though it might have had something to do with the way
he ground himself against Julian, almost unconsciously.
Julian endured it as long as he could, but finally he pushed

away, a little breathless. “Hey. If you keep that up, I'm going
to need to change my underwear.”

“Oh, sorry.” Zachary sounded out of breath too. “We

should stop.”

But he was hard, and Julian was horny, and no bloody

way could he just go to sleep right now. “I’ve got an idea.
Lie on your back and put your hands above your head.”

“Why?”
“Because then you won’t rip my hair out.” He threw back

the covers, and put his hand over Zachary’s erection, trapped
behind crisp cotton. “I'm going to take care of you, then I'm
going to jerk off and then we’re going to sleep. Okay?”

“No.”
The light snapped on again, and Julian blinked against the

glare. “What’s wrong? It doesn’t hurt.”

“I can’t see. And…uh…I could just masturbate. If you let

me up…”

Julian put his hand firmly on Zachary’s stomach. “Stay,”

he growled, but then laughed as one of the kems whined.
“Shut up.”

“Julian, you don’t need to—”
“Look, Zachary, it’s not about need, it’s about me liking

to.”

“Oh. Can I try it, then?”
Zachary giving him a blowjob. Julian nearly came on the

spot at the thought. “Uh…better idea.” He put his hands at the

waistband of Zachary’s underpants. “Coming off, okay?”

Zachary nodded, though he looked less than enthusiastic.

Julian tugged the underwear down, and the trapped cock
sprang to attention. Zachary, face flame red, went to cover it
with his hands, but Julian pushed them aside. “No, let me
look. Wow. I mean…wow.”

“You’re making fun of me.” Zachary tried to cover again,

but Julian blocked his hands.

“No, I'm not.” He pulled the underpants all the way off so

he could really appreciate the view. “Hello, gay person here.
I like penises. And yours is…wow. Gorgeous.”

“Really?”
“Really.” Julian couldn’t stop staring. It was thick and

long and man, those legs…he couldn’t see Zachary’s arse but
he could imagine it…

Zachary was doing his best to hide, lifting his knee and

turning, although all it did was show off his legs and set up a
peekaboo show that turned Julian on even more. “Julian, this
is incredibly embarrassing.”

Julian came back to himself and realised he’d been

staring for well over a minute. “Oh. Oh, right.” He sat up,
stripped off his own underwear and tossed both pairs onto
the side table. “Now you can look.”

He even spread his legs, stroked himself a couple of

times to give the man a show. “Well?”

Zachary sat up on his elbows, frowning at Julian’s

erection in a way he didn’t find all that flattering. “I don’t
have anything to compare it with. Sorry.”

“Oh right. Uh…okay.” Now he felt like an idiot. He

reached for the light switch, realising he’d just moved far too
soon, but Zachary forestalled him.

“Wait. I didn’t say I didn’t like it.”
“No?”
“No. I just…don’t know if it’s magnificent. Objectively, I

mean. There might be others which are nicer. I don’t know.”

“Want me to find you some pictures so you can draw up a

scale and a little bar graph?”

“If you like.”
Julian opened his mouth to yell but then saw the grin.

“You’re a prick, Mr Ledbetter.”

“No, I have a prick. So do you. Uh…it’s very pretty.”
Julian rolled his eyes as he lay down next to his irritating

companion. “I need to give you a lesson on the top ten things
never to say to a man you want to have sex with, Zachary.
‘You have soft skin’ and ‘your penis is pretty’ are numbers
one and two, okay? Followed up by ‘you look like your
sister’ and ‘the doctor says it should clear up in no time if I
keep using the cream.’”

“I’ll make a note. I’ve never met your sisters and I don’t

have any diseases, so I think I'm safe.”

“Only if I don’t murder you before morning,” Julian

muttered. And this had seemed such a good idea a few

minutes ago.

“I'm sorry,” Zachary said, putting his arm over him and

kissing him on the corner of his pouting mouth. “What was
your idea?”

“Idea? Oh…um, well, masturbation. Only you do me and

I’ll do you.”

“Put my hand on it?”
Julian couldn't tell if he was revolted or surprised.

“Obviously we didn’t show you the right romantic films, did
we? Yes, Zachary, you put your hand on my cock, and I put
mine on yours and…well, if you tell me you don’t know
what to do then, this isn’t going anywhere.”

“I…hadn’t really thought about the mechanics. Just the…

holding and kissing bit. I should have looked it up,” he said,
mouth turned down sorrowfully.

Great. I'm in bed with a gorgeous man who thinks gay

sex is icky. Sex full stop is icky. Julian did his best to smile.
“Hey, it’s not a big deal. We could just go to…oh, oh…”

Zachary had wrapped his big hand around Julian’s cock

and given it an experimental stroke. After months and months
of celibacy, it was almost too damn much.

“Oh…don’t…d-don’t stop!” Julian gasped out, arching

his back against the too wonderful sensation.

Either Zachary was a natural or Julian was just damn

desperate, but it hardly seemed any time at all before the
firm, capable strokes from that warm, dry-skinned hand had

him coming so hard he could do little but grab at Zachary’s
arm and hold on as he rode it.

He came back to himself as Zachary reached for the

complimentary tissues on the side table to wipe his hand. He
blinked as Zachary cleaned up, dropped the tissues into the
bin and then turned to look at Julian with an anxious
expression. “Was that okay?”

“You’ve really not done that before?”
“Well, not to someone else, no. I didn’t…uh…think

people did that. It felt good?”

“No, dreadful. You need to practice lots and lots. On me,

because I’d hate anyone else to suffer like that.” Zachary
looked worried. “Joking, sheesh.” He tugged him down to
kiss him and stroke his arm. “It was really, really nice. How
did it feel for you?”

“Uh…odd? But…right, too. Like…yes, this is how it

should be. Is that…what it’s normally like?”

“No. Because there’s no ‘normal’, and you’re nothing

like any guy I’ve ever slept with. That’s not a bad thing. Lie
back.”

“Why?”
“Because people can say what they like about me but they

can’t say I leave anyone hanging. Lie back, and if you pull
my hair I'm going to bite you.”

“People pull your hair?”
“Right out at the root. Hurts like hell.”

“Then I won’t do that, but why would I pull your…

Julian!”

Julian grinned but didn’t stop what he was doing.

Zachary’s thick, gorgeous cock was a hell of a mouthful, but
worth every single inch. He got his hand between the long,
muscled thighs and urged them apart so he could hold
Zachary’s heavy, perfect balls. Oh man, he was sweet.

He was so into it, tasting and feeling and just having, that

the babbles and pleas and groans were just background
music, though he did jump when Zachary’s hands landed on
his shoulder and clenched into desperate fists. Not my hair,
mate. I warned you. But the hair was safe and he could be as
greedy as he liked, swallowing every inch and every drop
and every surprised cry, knowing he was the very first to
have any of this, and that Zachary would always remember
this, no matter what came after.

He sat up, flushed with pleasure and some pride. He was

good at blowjobs, and that one…was one of his better
efforts.

Zachary looked like he’d been whacked on the head with

a wooden plank, blinking, wide-eyed, and mouth open.

“Hey,” Julian said, sliding up alongside him. “You

okay?”

Zachary threw his arms around him and kissed him

artlessly, desperately. “That was so…I had no idea…we'll
do that again?”

Julian laughed. “Yes, we can. But not tonight.” He

stroked Zachary’s smooth cheek. “I can’t believe no one
snapped you up before. You’re just…so…”

“Pretty?” Zachary said dryly.
“Gorgeous.”
“My looks are nothing to be proud of.”
“Not your looks, dummy. You. In here.” He poked

Zachary’s chest, then kissed the spot. “You’re…amazingly
likeable.”

“No, I'm not.”
Julian grinned at the glare. “Yes, you are. And gorgeous.

And you have a beautiful, big cock.”

Zachary frowned. “No one’s ever complimented me for

any of those things before.”

Julian kissed him on the frown lines and then on the lips.

“Because people are stupid and you’re good at hiding. But
now I’ve discovered your secret, Mr Ledbetter. Be prepared
to be invaded.”

“I suspect I’ll be a lot more worried about that in the

morning.”

“Maybe. Goodnight.” He switched the light off, and then

nearly jumped out of bed with fright as a large furry mass
leapt on him from a great height. The mewling, squeaking
bodies turned out to be their kems, of course. He grabbed
Pyon and cuddled him, and then found Linis and petted him
as well, his hands brushing over Zachary’s. “And good night

to you little meddlers too.”

Two identical squeaks greeted his words and Zachary

laughed. “I think they’re pointing out that one of the meddlers
is missing.”

“Yes. I plan to have words with him when we get back.”

He found Zachary’s face in the darkness and kissed it.
“Sleep well.”

“Julian…you’re very handsome too.”
“And my cock?”
“Is also amazingly likeable.”
Julian grinned. “Good answer.”
Pyon and Linis set up a nest between them, Zachary

slinging a loose arm over Julian and the kems. “I could get
used to this so easily,” Zachary whispered. “But…then if I
lost it…”

“You’d survive, and you wouldn’t be alone. Be brave,

Zachary. It’s not as hard as it looks from the outside.”

“I…can’t do this alone.” A long pause. “I’ve never been

in that position before.”

“It’s okay to lean on other people. I like being leant on.

Trust me.”

“I’d rather trust Linis. He approves so it must be all

right.”

Julian grinned into the dark. “Whatever works. ‘Night.”

Chapter 11

He woke in a tight little nest of kems and Zachary and the

smile lasted all day. They spent most of it in a group with
other people, exploring and birdwatching, but there was still
time to be alone together, to exchange looks, or brush hands
as they passed each other. After lunch, Linis and Pyon
preferred a more direct approach, swapping between
Zachary and Julian, so Linis rode on Julian’s shoulders, and
Pyon in Zachary’s arms. Zachary gave Julian a little smile
each time he stroked Pyon’s fur, knowing perfectly well
what he was doing.

I’ve created a monster, Julian thought, though he wasn’t

actually sorry.

They barely made it through the admittedly delicious

dinner, before returning to the luxurious suite Leo had
arranged for them and making good use of the bed. Zachary
turned out to be a fast learner when it came to blow jobs, and
a lot less fastidious than Julian expected. He didn’t know
much about this gay sex thing, but he was more than happy to
let Julian teach him. Also eager and sweet and shy which
worried Julian because getting this wrong would be awful.
He wanted this to be a good thing for Zachary, wherever it
went. He was romantic enough to hope it would last forever,
realistic enough to know the odds were that it might not.
Whatever happened, he needed them to be friends. That
meant patience, humour and kindness. The surprise was in

finding that it didn’t all go one way.

They held hands on the marine tour, Zachary not giving a

damn who saw them, to Julian’s delight. When they arrived
back in the city, and walked into the apartment, Leo knew
something had changed the second he saw them. He clasped
his hands together and grinned. “Oh, my dear, dear boys.”

Julian walked over and poked a finger at him. “You

knew.”

“I hoped.”
Zachary raised an eyebrow. “Uncle Leo.”
“Yes, nephew? You have a complaint?”
“Perhaps not.” And then he delighted Julian by coming to

his side and putting his hand on his shoulder. “We had a
wonderful time. Thank you.”

“Well worth it.” Julian had to smile at Leo’s obvious

glee. “Now, supper?”

There was a brief and highly embarrassing conversation

where Leo debated the pros and cons of whether Julian and
Zachary should sleep in Zachary’s apartment or Leo’s. This
was before Julian and Zachary had even decided if they
would be sleeping together more than occasionally, and
before Julian had really thought about whether he wanted
Leo to know all about his sex life with his nephew.

“Uncle Leo,” Zachary finally said, firmly but not

unkindly. “This is private. Julian can do as he wishes. He’s
welcome downstairs, I know I'm welcome here. You can’t

plan everything in my life.”

“I just want you two to feel you don’t need to worry

about me.”

“Well, we do,” Julian said. “Zachary, we’ll take turns.

Tonight, here. Tomorrow, there.”

“Making a rather large assumption, aren’t you? I do have

to work tomorrow.”

Julian flushed, but before he could stammer out an

apology, Leo smacked Zachary’s hand. “Don’t tease, you
horrible man. You know you want him tonight and tomorrow
and the rest of it. If you don’t, you’re insane. Julian’s a catch,
and if you don’t appreciate him, I’ll find someone who
does.”

Julian thought his face would catch fire, he was so

embarrassed. “Leo!”

Zachary only smiled. “That won’t be necessary, Uncle

Leo. I assure you, he’s very much appreciated, and was
before this development. As are you,” he said, bowing his
head a little. “Though you’re an incorrigible meddler.”

“Always, and always will be. Now…dessert?”
Later, in his room, with the door firmly closed against

curious ears, Julian sat astride Zachary’s narrow hips and
pressed his arms back beside his head, trapping him.
“Appreciated, huh?”

“Very much. Why else would I put up with you?”
“You’re a—”

“Prick, yes. That won’t change, I suspect.”
Julian bent down and kissed him long and tenderly. “No”

he murmured. “It already has.”

Chapter 12

“Thank God that’s over,” Julian muttered, yanking his

necktie off and stuffing it into his pocket. Pyon immediately
fetched it out and managed to wrap it around his head—
Julian didn’t care, he hated the damn thing. “You are sooo
lucky not to have siblings,” he said to Zachary who’d been
watching the photographs with his usual cool superiority.
“Where’s Leo?” The marquee was crammed with people,
and stuffy and far too hot, even though outside it was freezing
cold with fresh snow on the ground. Why the hell had his
brother wanted to get married in midwinter? Crazy.

Zachary gestured with the hand holding his glass of

orange juice over the heads of the many, many relatives and
friends it had been apparently necessary to invite to this
thing. “Over there, talking to a woman with unfeasibly red
hair.”

Julian looked where he indicated, and groaned. “Oh, no.

Aunt Judy. She probably wants to make him husband number
three. Or is four? I can’t keep up.”

“Four husbands?”
“She wears them out. I need a drink. Pyon, just the one,

okay?” Pyon chirped and Julian petted him. His kem had
been so well-behaved—everyone had commented on it.

“There’s a table over—”
“Oh…Julian, isn’t it?”
He made himself smile at the short, sharp-featured

woman who’d come to his side. “Hello, Mrs Arrowsmith.
Zachary? This is Bea’s mother—the bride. Mrs Arrowsmith,
Zachary Ledbetter.”

Zachary bowed slightly. “Very nice to meet you. This is

the loveliest wedding I’ve ever been to.”

She blushed. “Why, thank you. We tried to make it nice

for everyone—midwinter’s such a difficult time, but Bea and
Michael wanted a skiing honeymoon.”

“It’s all gone very smoothly. I’ve never seen it done

better.”

“Oh good…oh, excuse me, I need to…”
She rushed off, hands waving at someone doing

something not in the script, and Julian turned to his
companion. “Exactly how many weddings have you been to
before, Mr Ledbetter?”

“Just this one. I spoke the exact truth.”
“Huh.” Julian was getting used to the creative use of

honesty on that side of the family. Leo was a master of it too.

“Julian! You took your tie off—what if they want more

photos?”

His mother’s hat was crooked, but he didn’t mention it.

Her kem was nowhere in sight—probably banished for the
duration. “Then they’ll have to put up with me not wearing it
again. They’ve taken hundreds of the damn things, Mum—
how many can Bea and Michael want?”

“It’s not just for them—oh, hello.” She smiled uncertainly

at Zachary. “Julian, I don’t think I’ve met…”

“Uh, that’s right.” They’d been staying in a hotel, since

his parents’ house and his sisters’ were overflowing with
guests. Leo and Zachary had stayed well out of harm’s way
while Julian had done the brotherly duty thing. “Mum, this is
Zachary Ledbetter. Zachary, my mum, Mrs Godwin.”

She held out her hand. “Call me Alice, Zachary. Julian’s

told me so much about you. He said you work at his old
firm?”

Zachary shook her hand briefly and let it go. “Yes. He

works for my uncle now, as you know. He’s been of great
help to us both.”

“Yes, he said you’ve become good friends.”
Zachary smiled at her. “Indeed. He’s my lover.”
She froze, her hand still on its way back to her side.

Julian gaped while Zachary continued to smile politely at his
mother.

“L-lover?”
“Yes, for some time now. We're very happy together.”
Her mouth opened, shut, opened again, but no sound came

out. Julian wanted to run away and then murder Zachary—or
possibly the other way around.

“Well, well, here’s a treat indeed—the mother of one of

my favourite young men.” Leo smiled brightly at them all and
held his hand out to Julian’s mother. “Mrs Godwin, how
delightful to meet you in person—Leo Underwood. Julian’s

told me so much about you, although he failed to mention
how very attractive you are.”

She scraped a slight smile onto her rigid lips as Leo

inserted himself neatly into their group. “Oh…thank you…
er…”

“And I see you’ve finally met Zachary. Don’t they make a

charming couple? Julian’s such a lovely young man—
Zachary’s so lucky to have found him. Do you know Maggie
Tadstone? From Greenwich? She was telling me her son’s
had an awful time with his lover—the wretched man ran off
with someone else, and her son’s devastated. She said she
was so very jealous of me with Zachary. Julian’s such a
reliable, steady person. A perfect credit to you, indeed.”

“M-Maggie Tadstone? The actress? The one who

married Lord Uffield?”

“That’s the one. I went to their wedding—delightful,

delightful occasion. Quite a lovely lady—no airs and graces,
even with all the awards. The son’s the television presenter,
poor fellow. Charming man, so very kind.” He took her arm.
“Tell me, Julian says that you collect antique silver
figurines. I wanted to know what you thought of something I
saw the other day in Springwood—excuse me, Julian,
Zachary…”

Leo led her away, talking a mile a minute, Julian’s

mother still smiling fixedly, dazed by the sheer blizzard of
words. Julian saw him hand her a large glass of champagne.

Maybe if he got her tiddly, she’d forget…no, that wasn’t
very likely, was it. He was so screwed.

“By the time Uncle Leo’s finished with her, he’ll have

her convinced that a gay son is a status symbol,” Zachary
remarked calmly, taking a sip of his drink.

Julian turned and gave the man his fiercest glare. “By the

time I’ve finished with you, you’re going to need medical
attention. What the hell do you mean by outing me to my
mum?”

“She’ll find out eventually, unless you were planning to

lie to her forever. Besides…perhaps I want her to organise
our wedding.”

Julian had to grab a chair and sit down. “Zachary! D-did

you just propose?”

“Hmmm—yes, I think so. Were you expecting a bended

knee and a ring? I thought that was considered old-fashioned
now.”

“You just proposed.”
“That’s right. I take it that you’re not averse?”
Julian opened his mouth to yell something about it not

being very romantic and how about a little warning, hmmm?
But then he looked up at Zachary’s slight, evil smile, and
knew that his lover had planned this exactly so—and Leo
had been a willing conspirator. “I hate you.”

“Yes, I know. Pyon, what do you think?”
Pyon chirped, licked Julian’s face, then jumped over to

Zachary for a cuddle. He ran up Zachary’s arm and sat
precariously on his shoulder next to Linis, who gazed at them
all with a vague air of kemmish superiority. “He approves,”
Zachary announced.

“My father’s going to faint.”
“I doubt it. Uncle Leo will convince your mother, and he

assures me that if the mother approves, the husband will go
along. I don’t know about such matters, but he does.” He
tilted his head. “Didn’t you want to tell them?”

“Yes! Just not at my brother’s wedding!”
“Leo said it’s the perfect place for a proposal. Did I do it

wrong?”

Julian sighed. Pyon and Linis stared at him with big

innocent eyes as he stood up and took Zachary’s hand. He
leaned in for a kiss, not caring who could see them, not after
everything else. “No, you did it perfectly, and I accept. I
expect a wedding ring, though. And a honeymoon.”

“Of course. Uncle Leo told me these things are necessary.

I want to do everything correctly, Julian.”

He looked so worried. Julian grinned and kissed him

again. “You did, you do. Well, come on—if you’re going to
be part of my family, then I better start introducing you as my
fiancé. I warn you though, you might regret it later.”

“No,” Zachary said firmly, “I won’t. I'll be brave.”
“Good for you.”
Julian took his hand, took a deep breath, and plunged into

the crowd of relatives. Zachary had no idea what he was
getting into—but that was okay. Julian did, and he was good
at this stuff. Zachary could be good at lots of other things
instead. They made a great team—Zachary, him, Leo and
their meddling kems.

His family wouldn’t know what hit them.

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