Accomplished Goals

By Saturn

Starts off at the point in episode 220 when Justin finds Brian fucking Rage in the backroom. This story is going to be

told through the POV's of Justin and Brian.

Chapter 1: It Only Took Two Years

Justin's POV:

I should’ve known better. Jesus you would’ve thought I’d have learned my lesson by now. But no I still thought he
really wanted to be with me, to celebrate my night with me. Like I said I should’ve known better.

Oh god there it goes, he’s finally done it. He’s broken my heart completely. I mean he’s been working on trying to
break my heart for two years now. I just never thought he’d be able to accomplish this one particular goal. Watching
him fuck Rage I’m starting to realize some things. God everyone told me that he that he didn’t love me, that he
never would. Hell he told me himself. But do I listen? No of course not. Being the twat I am I thought I knew better
I thought I saw love in his eyes when he looked at me. I’ve never been so wrong about anything else in my life. I
mean just last night he told me he couldn’t love me, no I’m sorry that he wouldn’t love me. Well I get it now. He
doesn’t love me. He never loved me, and he won’t ever love me, no matter how much I love him. Yeah I get it now.

He looks over at me now, I was wondering if he’d feel me watching him. I’m actually surprised he did. He’s
wearing that stupid fucking Rage mask so I can’t see what he’s feeling, what he’s thinking. Hunh? I guess it really
doesn’t matter though, because I obviously never knew what he was thinking. I always thought I could read him
when I looked into his eyes. Obviously I was wrong about that too. Either way he looks like he’s enjoying himself
fucking the shit out of Rage....God I think I’m going to be sick.....

He’s just staring at me and I wonder if he can read my eyes? I wonder if he can see that he’s finally broken me?
Does he see that I get it now? That I know and understand that he doesn’t and never will love me?.......I smile at that
cause I’m almost positive he can read everything, every feeling that I’m having. I was never able to hide any of my
feeling from him.....I need to get out of here cause I’m going to be sick. I can feel the world tilt and spinning and my
chest won’t stop clenching on me, and my stomach feels like a giant knot. I got to get out of here. So I force myself
to turn and I head to the bathroom.

I’ve managed to make to the bathroom and into the last stall on the right. I’m not sure how I got here but thank the
gods I did, because I’m on my knees with my head hanging over the toilet dry heaving, and shaking beyond control.
I can’t get either to stop and it hurts to much. I feel like my insides are being ripped apart. It hurts to much. This is
all to0 much.

Ok, ok the world is slowly coming to a stop, and my stomach isn’t ripping it’s self apart anymore. So I think I’m just
going to sit back for a minute, before II go back out there....Ah I just wanna go home....Hunh? That’s a good
question do I have home? I thought the loft was my home but, perhaps I was wrong. I mean how can it be your
home if you’re staying with someone who doesn’t even love you? Oh who knows anymore? I certainly don’t. Fuck
it.....I’m going to get up off the floor, and then I’m going to get myself out of here..... So I stand up, and I’m a little
shaky but not too bad. Nothing I can’t handle....I turn towards the door, unlock the door, take a couple of deep
breaths, open the door. There’s a lot of people in here. I move to the sink, turn on the water, wash my hands, and
splash some water on my face. It feels really good....I look up into the mirror and I’m sorry that I did, because I
don’t recognize the person staring back at me. He looks so tired. I look back down into the sink, I don’t wanna deal
with that right now. I wanna go ho....to the loft. So I push off the sink, and force myself to walk out of the bathroom.
I’m almost to the door, and I look up and standing in front of me just a few feet away is Ethan....What’s he doing
here? I small smile... God he looks so out of place here. He takes a quick look around the place, then looks back at
me and gives me a little shrug. Well at least he knows he doesn’t belong here....I walk over to him and ask. “ What
are you doing here? “

I’m standing here, and listening to all of these wonderful things he is telling me, and it makes me feel so good
inside. There only one problem....It’s the wrong person telling me the things I want to hear. He’s not Brian which
means I’m sorry to say is that it doesn’t mean anything to me. I AM SO FUCKED.... Here’s this great guy who
wants me, and only me. He wants to give me everything that I say I want, and need. But yet the whole time he’s
talking and telling me all these wonderful things.....I’m wishing that he was Brian, that Brian was the one telling me
all these things....I can’t do this to him....He’s a good guy but I don’t love him, and I don’t really wanna be with him.
Wooho, he’s coming in for a kiss. I put my hand on his shoulder to stop him.



“Ethan I’m sorry... I can’t do this.” He’s looking at me kinda funny. I guess he doesn’t understand. “ I can’t be with
you. “

“ Justin. What are you talking about of course you can be with me, I want you with me. “

“You don’t want to be with someone like me Ethan, you deserve to be with someone who will love you...”

“You love me...”

“ No I don’t. I’m sorry Ethan but I don’t.”

“ Yes you do I know you do. The way you kiss me. The way we made love. I know I didn’t imagine all of that.”

“ The reason why you thought it was love Ethan....( I take a deep breath for this part) ...is because when you’d say
you loved me it was Brian who I heard saying it. ( he looks like someone just hit him right in the gut. But I have to
make sure that he totally understands.) When we kissed it was Brian I was kissing. When we made love it was Brian
I made love to. I’m sorry Ethan I should’ve never started this. I don’t know what I was thinking. “

“Why are you saying these things to me? Are you serious?” (I nod) “ I don’t believe you You’re just still upset that I
threw you out last night..” Oh boy this is going to be harder than I thought. He looks over my shoulder and I already
know who’s there. I look over at him and he takes off that stupid fucking mask. I look into his eyes and I’m not sure
what I see there any more so I give him a small smile, and turn my attention back to Ethan I have to make him
understand.

“You were right to throw me out last night Ethan. You don’t deserve any of this. You just got caught up in my
totally fucked up life, and for that I’ll never forgive myself. But Ethan I can’t give you my heart, and I’ll never be
able to love you. See two years ago I gave my heart away to Brian Kinney. I love him with everything that I am and
I’ve never been able to get around it. To tell you the truth I never want to. He’ll always have my heart no matter
what’s going on in our lives, no matter what he does to me, or what I do to him. He’ll always have my heart and my
love. That will never change, and I don’t want it too. See Ethan I choose him. I’ll always choose him no matter
what. As long as I have a choice it will always be him. “ He looks completely torn apart. I can’t believe I’ve this to
him. What was I thinking to have started fucking around with him? I knew where my heart would always be I knew
I’d never love him yet I still did this. I must be the worst person on the planet. “ You see you don’t want a person
like me. You deserve someone who is so much better than me. Someone who you can love, and who will love you
back, and Ethan you’ll find that person I know you will. You just didn’t find him in me. “ I need to leave now. I
can’t take anymore tonight. “ I’m sorry Ethan, really I am. “ He’s just staring at me with puppy dog eyes, and his
mouth hanging open. I can’t take anymore I turn one more time to look at Brian. I still can’t understand the look
he’s giving me, and to tell you the truth, I don’t really want to think about it right now. I just want to go back to the
loft and crawl into bed and sleep for a life time. So I give Brian another small smile, turn towards Ethan and give
him the same. I head for the coat check hand the guy my ticket, he gets my coat for me, and I throw it on. I head for
the exit, step through the door, go down the stairs, and into the night air. It’s numbingly cold, and just what I need
right now. To feel numb. I get down to the street and hail a cab, I hop in and tell him sixth and Tremont.

*********************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

What the fuck is going on? This is not how I had tonight planned out. I mean yeah, Justin was supposed to leave
without me, but he wasn’t supposed to leave alone. He was supposed to leave with Ian over there. But instead, Justin
left alone, and Ian is standing with a look of utter shock written all over his face. I need to know what the fuck is
going on here. I walk over and stand right in front of Ian but I don’t think he even notices. “ What the fuck are you
doing?” Yeah I know what he’s doing here....but hey I wanna see what he says. Only he doesn’t say anything. I
think he’s in shock. What the fuck did Justin say to the poor kid. “ Ian, what are you doing here?” I say as
nonchalantly as possible under the circumstances. He finally looks at me. He’s a little dazed and his mouth is still
hanging open. But I think seeing me is bringing him out of it.

“I came to get Justin. “ I’m impressed by the little fucker I didn’t think he’d have the balls to say that much to me. I
give him my best....and look.....so he continues.

“He said he chooses you.....” Ok I wasn’t expecting that. “He said he’ll always choose you as long as he has the
choice.” I must look completely dumb founded right now. I can’t believe after all this, after everything I’ve done to
him, he said he chose me. That he’ll always choose me. Ian shakes his head and turns around and heads for the door.
I turn around and I see Mikey standing there with an...I’m so sorry look... on his face, and I can’t stand it. So I turn
away . I mean there’s no reason for it anyway. I won, right? What am I going to do now? Doesn’t he know that I’m
not worth the trouble? That he deserve better? That he deserves someone who can give him everything he wants, the
romance the words, the commitment, the monogamy. Hell he deserves someone who can give him the world. God
how I wish that someone was me. But I’m just to fucked up to be that person for him. No matter how much I love
him, and I do. I love him more than I ever thought possible, and that’s why I won’t let him throw his life away on
me of all people. Ian said he would always choose me as long as he had a choice. Humh.... I think it’s time for a new
tactic.... I have to do this now while I still have some nerve left in me.

So I head towards the coat check hand my ticket over. He gets my coat, I throw it on, and head for the door, down
the stairs and into the cold night air. I head down the alley to where I parked the jeep, unlock it and jump in. I take a
deep breath and start it up and head towards the loft.....

I open up the loft door and all the lights are off except for the glow of the blue lights coming from the bedroom....I
can’t believe how scared I am right now, my heart is beating so hard in my chest that it feels like it’s going explode
which I would probably be grateful for cause maybe then this wouldn’t hurt so much.....I slowly make my way over
to the steps to the bedroom. I look at the bed, and there lying on my side wrapped around pillow, fully clothed is the
most beautiful man I have ever seen. He looks absolutely gorgeous, and so peaceful when he sleeps. I’ve watched
him sleep I don’t know how many times over the past two years, and I’ve never tired of it. I move over and sit next
to him on the side of the bed, I wanna watch him sleep for just a little while before this all ends. I’m going to miss
this. Hell I’m going to miss him, everything about him. The way he laughs, that sunshine smile, the sound of his
voice, the way he curls around me when were in our bed, the sounds of his moans when I make love to him, the way
he screams my name when I make him cum, the way he can demolish two hundred dollars worth of food in three
days, tripping over all his shit when I walk in the door, watching him draw, the way he looks at me. With his big,
beautiful, deep crystal blue eyes. He always looks at me with so much love in his eyes. I’m sorry that I’ll never be
able to give him the same from me. I’ll never be able to let him look into my eyes and see all the love I have for him.
I run my hand threw his hair it’s always so soft I love the way it feels in my fingers. I let my hand stay there holding
onto his hair as I lean forward to kiss his forehead one last time. I can’t help but linger there I love the way his skin
feels against my lips, and I take in his scent. He’s got the most intoxicating, wonderful, most delicious smell I’ve
ever smelled. I’m trying my best to make sure that all these things are imprinted into my brain. I finally pull back
from the kiss, and I already miss the way he felt against my lips and his wonderful scent. Do it now Brian, do it now.
I tell myself. So I reluctantly take my hand out of his hair, and stand up from the bed. I take a couple of deep slow
breaths, make sure my mask is on tightly I might add, and turn back to face him on the bed.


“ Justin. “ I say in an even voice. He doesn’t even stir to that one. So...” Justin!” I say a little louder and in a stern
voice. “Wake up.” that seems to do the trick cause his head is starting to rise and then I hear him say “ Brian?” in a
sleepy husky voice.

“ Yeah it’s me.....” He sits up still holding onto my pillow, then he looks up at me with those beautiful blues....”I
think it’s time we had a little talk.” I’m trying to keep my voice even but it’s extremely hard. I gotta get threw this.
Without breaking. He nods his head and looks down at my pillow for a second, then looks back up at me....

“Do you want me to start?”

“No...I want you to sit there, and listen to what I have to say. Do you think you can do that?” I’m trying to keep my
voice very calm and collected and I’m actually surprised that it’s doing what I want....Justin just nods his head....he
looks scared. I hate seeing that look in his eyes. “Look Justin, I tried to do this whole whatever it is we were doing. I
followed your rules.....while you broke every single one of them, and I’m just thinking how fucking stupid all this is.
What I said at the beginning I meant. There are no locks on our doors were together because we wanna be. But you,
you were obviously not happy and yet you still stayed making both of us miserable in the process.” god he looks like
he’s getting his heart ripped out. If he only knew that it’s hurting me just as much...but this is for the best ...it’s
what’s best for him. “So I’m putting an end to it now. I want my life back, and I mean I want it back to the way it
was before you came along......can you give me that Justin, can you give me back my life?” God I don’t I’m going to
survive this....because I think I’ve finally found the one tactic that’s actually going to accomplish the goal I set two
years ago.

*********************************************************************

Justin’s POV:

I can’t believe this is happening. He really doesn’t want me in his life anymore. I look down at his pillow. I just
realized something he said he wants his life back to where it was before I came along. Oh god he meant completely
out of his life out of his families’ life. He doesn’t ever want to see me again. Can I do that? Never see the man that I
love, the man who means everything to me again? I can if this will make him happy. If this will make him happy I
can do it. After all that’s all I ever really wanted for him.....I just thought that he’d be happy with me in his life
loving him.....so I look up into his eyes. I have to see in his when I ask and he answers. I have to know that this is
what he really wants that this is what will make him truely happy. This is it his answer is our future.....

“If I leave will that.....will that make you happy?” my voice is barely above a whisper but I know he heard me. I
can’t read anything in his eyes it’s like there’s nothing there. I see him nod his head, “Yes that will make me happy.”
and I swear I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. I can’t look into his eyes anymore it hurts too much. So I
look back at his pillow. I nod my head so he knows that I understand him. Uh oh the world is starting to spin again.

*********************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

He’s been sitting there for about 10 minutes now and neither one of us has moved or said a word I don’t know what
to say and even if I did I don’t think I could get it out around the sick feeling in my stomach and the clenching in my
chest and the huge lump in my throat. So I just don’t talk.

He lifts up his head and looks at the glass panels. He picks up my pillow and puts it back at the top of the bed. He
swings his legs over till they are dangling over the side of the bed. He sits there for a minute before he finally plants
his feet on the floor and stands up. All the sudden he looks like he’s going to fall over.

*********************************************************************

Justin’s POV:

I up but the world still hasn’t stopped spinning so I’m a little off center, and I have to grab the dresser so I don’t fall
over. Brian starts to reach for me, but I put my hand out and say “I’m fine I just stood up to fast.” It’s a lie of course
but I can’t have him touch me again. I’d fall apart. Plus if I’m going to do this then I want to make sure that he
doesn’t feel like he has to have me stay anymore I want him to know that I’m ok. That’s what he’s asked me for and
that’s what I’m going to make sure he gets. I want him to be happy. I need to get moving now. If only the world

would slow down just a little bit it would make all this a lot easier. But I doubt that’s going to happen anytime soon
so, I force myself to let go of the dresser, “I’m just going to use your bathroom real quick.” I’m pretty sure that I
said this pretty evenly. So I go into the bathroom, and close the door. I lean my forehead against the cool door for a
minute or two just trying to get my bearings a little bit better than they were. It’s not really helping but I didn’t really
think it would. So I straighten up and move over to the sink, I turn on the cold water and splash my face until it’s
numb. Alright it’s time to get this going, I have to get this over with maybe if I do it as fast as I can I can make it out
of here without falling apart. I head for the door hang onto the handle take a couple of slow deep breaths, turn the
knob and here I go.

*********************************************************************

Brian’s POV:
He’s finally coming out of the bathroom, I was getting a little scared there for a minute. I still haven’t moved so he
moves past me and into the closet, and he pulls out his duffel bag.....oh god it really worked I can’t believe it worked
if I was being truthful with myself, I’d have to say I really really was hoping that it wouldn’t. But this is for the best
I have to remember that...I’m watching I can’t take my eyes off of him. He’s going over to his side of the bed, and
setting down his duffel on the bed. He opens up his top drawer and empties it into the duffel bag, he keeps on going
until the whole dresser is empty, just like my heart. He grabs up the bag and moves down to the couch I move over
to the top of the steps. He puts the bag down, and turns to the coffee table, grabs up the sketch pads and puts them
carefully into the bag. Then he turns to the dining room table, from there he gets the remainder of his sketch pads,
papers, charcoals, pencils, and chalks. He takes them back to the duffel bag and carefully put them in as well. Damn
he fit practically everything into that duffel bag. Damn it! I was hoping that this would’ve taken a lot longer.

*********************************************************************

Justin’s POV:

I know he’s watching me, I can feel his eyes on me. He’s probably wondering how much longer this is going to take.
Not much longer I’m afraid to say. I can fit practically everything I own into this duffel bag and what I can’t fit in
there will fit into my back pack. Which is a good thing because I move so much that it’s a lot easier to lug stuff
around this way. Right? So I move over to the loft door where I keep my back pack, grab it up, head over to where
we keep the CDs I go threw them really quick and grab only the ones that I know are mine, and throw them into my
pack. Then I go back over to the kitchen table, I’m going to need the disc’s for school, grab all those and put them
into the pack as well. Then I move into the bathroom. I take a quick look around, grab my toothbrush, and realize
it’s the only thing I own in here. Ok then I guess the only thing left is to get my coat, and then I’m done. God I can’t
believe this is happening. I can’t believe I’m about to leave him how am I supposed to survive this? Stop it. I have to
tell myself cause if I think about it too much who knows what I’ll do, I mean he’s my life..... I shake my head to let
the thoughts leave for just a little longer, just till I get out of here. Then I turn and head to the closet.

*********************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

It looks like he’s gotten everything and now the only thing left is his coat. I can’t believe how fast he was. I can’t
believe it’s almost over. He still hasn’t looked at me. He’s putting on his coat now. He just grabbed his back pack up
off the bed, and is moving for the opposite stairs that I’m standing by so he goes through the kitchen around to the
couch. He puts his arms into the pack then grabs up the duffel bag and slings it over his left shoulder he heads over
to the breakfast bar and grabs his cell phone puts it into his coat grabs his keys takes the loft keys and building keys
off and puts them onto the counter I notice that he holds onto them for a second. This is killing me. He turns towards
the door, but he still hasn’t looked at me. He has to look at me one more time before he leaves. I have to see his face,
look into his eyes one more time just one more time. Then I’ll let him go. I just need one more time. Oh god he’s
opening the door, no, no, no, he’s about to step threw it....Ah!!! “Did you get your allergy med’s?” He always
forgets his allergy med’s. “Shit.....no I forgot them.” he hangs his head back, puts his head back down to look at the
floor, turns around still looking at the floor and says “I’ll get them.”

“No....I’ll get them.” I turn and head up the stairs and to the bathroom. This way I can get him to look at me before
he leaves, and I never get to do it again. I get out my extra bag that I use when I go out on business trips from under
the sink and open it up. Then I get into the medicine cabinet. He has so many different med’s he has to take, it’s
pretty unbelievable. Ok allergy med’s, headache med’s, pain med’s, muscle relaxers. He didn’t take his favorite
shaving cream, or his favorite aftershave. I love the way they smell on him, especially since he doesn’t wear but a
couple times a week since he doesn’t have to shave that often. I grab them up and put them in the bag as well. Then I
look over and sure enough he didn’t get his favorite shampoo, conditioner, not even his favorite soap. So I grab
another bag from underneath the sink and get the shampoo conditioner and soap into that one. I want him to have the
things that he likes. Damn it! That’s it. I turn and go back down the stairs and I stand right in front of him. He’s
looking out the windows now. That’s better than the floor. Right? “Here you go. “ I say in a nice soft voice, as I hold
out the bags. He looks at them and I continue “I got you your favorite shave cream, after shave, shampoo,
conditioner, and soap.” He takes hold of the bags and says “Thanks.” he puts down his duffel and back pack. He
leans down and opens his back pack and puts the extra bags into it, closes it up slings his arms back into it. He
stands up and is picking up his duffel bag...” Where are you going to go?” I have to know where he will be at least. I
have to know that he’ll be safe. “I’m going to head over to Daphne’. I’m sure she’ll let me crash with her.” Good, at
least I know he’ll be safe at Daphne’s. He slings his duffel bag back over his left shoulder. “ let me know when it’s a
good time and I’ll get your computer delivered to you.” That does it....He looks directly into my eyes....and I’m not
too sure what must have been thinking now cause the pain that I see in his eyes is enough to break a man. I have to
look away from him so I look at the floor.

“No.....Brian you bought that computer it’s yours.” I look back at him then so he knows I’m not lying. “No I bought
that computer for you, you need it.....and I want you to have it...ok?” he looks at me for a couple seconds than he
looks at the floor again. “Ok.” I hear him say. Then he looks back into my eyes and says ”Thank you Brian.......for
everything.” he says it so softly that I have to strain to hear him. But I do and I nod my head. I wanna say thank you
too but that would just start a whole other conversation that will never happen now. So I just say what there is left to
say and I have to literally rip them from my throat.

“Goodbye Justin”

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Justin’s POV:

Oh my god. This is really the end. I know my eyes have to be huge right about now but I couldn’t help it. He’s never
said goodbye to me before, never. It’s always been later, or something along those lines but he has never said
goodbye. I swallow hard and rip the words from my throat. While I tell myself this will make him happy...

“Goodbye Brian.”

With that I have to get out of here so I turn and start down the stairs I could never wait for the elevator. Plus he’s
watching me. I turn the corner and I can’t stop myself I start running down the stairs and out the building doors
gasping for air. I feel like I can’t breathe....I feel completely dead inside. Brian now has everything I had to give. I
have nothing left. I sit down on the edge of the sidewalk, pull out my cell phone and call a cab, they’ll be here in
about ten minutes. I put the phone back in my pocket and put my head in my hands. There is only one thing that is
going through my mind right now and that is at least my heart will always be with him, will always belong to him.
Even if he doesn’t know it. I just hope that maybe in some way he’ll be able to feel it....the cab has pulled up now
and I look up at the loft windows as I stand up and all the lights are off. He’s probably relieved that he gets to have
his bed back to himself again. The cabby takes my bags and opens up the trunk and throws them in. Some wind hits
my face and I notice that I’ve been crying. Well I’m surprised I lasted this long. I wipe the tears away, but they keep
on coming, as I take one last look up to where my life is and always will be, where the man I love is and to where
my heart will always be. But now it’s time to let him have his life back so I climb into the cab, but as soon as I’m in
I look back up “Where too?” I give him Daphne’s address and we pull off, but I never take my eyes off of the loft
until we turn the corner and I couldn’t see it anymore. I didn’t know it was possible to be dead, but still have to
live.......

*********************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

I watched him walk down the stairs then once he got around the corner, I heard him run down the stairs and out slam
out the buildings door. Then and only then did I close up the loft door set the alarm turn off all the lights and move
over to the windows. I watched him sitting on the sidewalk with his hands in his head. I put my hand against the
window and smoothed it down where his beautiful blonde hair showed. I wipe away the tears that started the
moment he turned the corner of the stairs, but they keep on coming. His cab pulls up and he stands up, and turns to
look at the loft windows I see the cabby take his bags and I’m glad he’s getting help they got to be heavy and I know
his hand still isn’t all the way better. The wind blows against his face and his hair and I think now he realizes he’s
been crying, cause I see him wipe away the tears but like me they keep on coming....

“I’m sorry baby but this really is for the best. You deserve better and now you can have it. I couldn’t let you throw
your life away on someone like me I’m not worth it. I want you to be happy to have everything you ever wanted.
Everything I couldn’t bring myself to give you. I wanted to, god I wanted to, and I tried but I just couldn’t do it, and
I love you too much to let you keep on going on like it doesn’t matter when I know you deserve it. Baby you deserve
everything the world has to offer. You’ll always have my heart, my love, and you will always be my life. My
everything. Even if you never know it. I hope in some way you’ll feel it in your heart. “ God I didn’t know it was
possible to be completely dead and still have to live......

Chapter 2: The Truth of the Matter


Justin’s POV:

I’m standing in front of Daphne’ door and I’m waiting for her to answer. It’s about 4:00am so I know she’s going to
be pretty upset. But she’s the only one that I can go to. She’s always the one that’s there for me, that can help me get
through this now. She opens the door and see’s me standing there she’s all blurry eyed. I feel bad for waking her.

“Justin? What’s wrong?” I know I look like shit cause I have yet to stop crying, my head has started to pound and I
just feel like I’m going to throw up. “Hey Daph, do you think I could stay with you for awhile?” my voice is so soft
and a little husky from all my crying.”of course you can Jus....” her voice is full of concern and she looks like she’s
hurting for me. “What happen Jus?... are you ok?” she’s taken my duffel bag and my arm and she’s leading me into
her apartment. She sits me on her couch and I just can’t keep a straight thought in my head and I’m just starring off
into nowhere.

“Justin?...........Justin?” I finally hear her say. I look over at her and she is looking at me with such love and concern.
I really need that right now.

“Daph, can we just talk about all this in the morning ? I just can’t do it right now it hurts to much, and I’m so tired. I
don’t want to think anymore.” I feel bad just cutting her off with nothing to go on. But I really just can’t bring
myself to go through it all right now.

“Sure Jus whatever you want.....Let’s just leave your bag here for the night and go to bed.” she leads me into her
bedroom and pulls down her covers, and lets me crawl into her bed. I lay on my side facing the window, and just
curl into myself. I feel her climb in behind me , and she wraps herself around me. That’s when I completely break
apart..I’m sobbing beyond control, but she’s hanging onto me as tight as she can, rocking me back and forth.
Eventually I fall asleep, with her still holding onto me. I knew I could count on her to be here for me and not let me
go.

******************************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

I’m so fucked he’s gone now, really gone. What am I going to do without him? I’m crying and sobbing like a little
baby now and I could really give a rats ass. I’m still holding onto the window when my legs finally give out and

now I’m on the floor, curled around myself shaking and crying, and I can’t move. I finally fall asleep right there on
the floor.

******************************************************************************

Justin’s POV:
I wake up to the sound of someone banging on the door. I roll over and notice that Daphne’ already gotten up. I look
at her clock and it’s already 12:32pm. ‘Bang,..... Bang’ my head is pounding so incredibly hard, and that constant
pounding isn’t helping any so. I drag myself out of Daph’ bed. I look around her apartment but I don’t see her
around, ah she must have had an early class. So I go over to the door cause whoever is here obviously isn’t going to
give up. I open the door and my heart jumps into my throat......”Brian?”

He looks so lost. “Oh baby I’m so sorry.....” he grabs me and pulls me so tightly against him. I close my eyes and
start crying. I throw my arms around his waist and god he feels so good....

“Justin.” and I can feel him slowly rocking me back and forth....”Justin.” this feels so good. “Jus” I slowly open my
eyes. I blink a couple of times and I see Daphne looking at me. Concern written all over her face. She takes her hand
and wipes away the tears that are falling down my face. Then I realize it was just a dream and all of this mornings
wonderful dreams come crashing down as I remember all of last night’s nightmares become my life once again. I
close my eyes again and shove my face into the pillow to hide my scream. But I know it didn’t do much good
because I can feel Daphne put her head against my back and her arms around my waist. I can’t move all I can do is
cry. So that’s what I’m going to do.

******************************************************************************

Brian POV:

Oh god damn it..... I feel like every part of my body is screaming. Then I realize why. I’m on the fucking floor. I
know I had a few last night but fuck why would Justin leave me on the floor? “Justin?” ah fuck.....I open my eyes
and “Justin?” I sit up and just like that last night comes rushing in on me. I’m on the floor because I made him leave.
I made my baby leave, and he did. He did it for me. Thank god it’s Saturday there’s no way I could go into work
like this. I’m an absolute mess. What am I supposed to do? I don’t know how to keep on going.

‘Ring.........ring’ damn it I don’t want to talk to anybody right now. So I’ll just let the machine pick it up. “Obviously
I’m in the middle of someone so ...leave a message and I’ll think about getting back to you.”.....beep...ah of course
it’s Mikey

“Brian I just wanted to call and make sure you were ok... you ran out of the party so quick last night and you didn’t
even say good bye, and you were supposed to be at the diner for breakfast this morning....*he’s started to whine
now* Well call me back as soon as you get this. Ok? Ok talk to you soon bye.” ah fuck I don’t want to have to deal
with him today, the whining and the questions. Him putting down Justin, which I know he’ll do .Plus I don’t know
how I’m going to answer all the questions everyone is going to have for me. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ACT
LIKE THIS IS WHAT I WANT? This is all too much for me right now I just want to go back to bed and curl up into
a ball and stay that way for the rest of my pathetic life. I stand up very slowly cause.... well just because it hurts any
other way. I practically limp all the way over to the bathroom so I can piss before I go back to bed...god I hurt... then
I limp back to my bed and crawl into my side.....my side...I roll over and look at Justin’s side of the bed, run my
hand over his pillow, I wish he was here. I pull his pillow up against my body and wrap myself around it. I put it to
my noise, and breath him in, or at least his scent, cause it’s not him no matter how much I wish it was.... it’s not.
None of this feels right our bed.....OUR BED..... he’s not here in our bed. This is where we were first together, this
is where we first made love, this is where I watched him sleep hundreds of times, this is where I broke his heart last
night, shattered what was left of ...US... This is just not right. I don’t want to be in our bed without him.....I can’t. I
don’t know if I will ever be able to again. So I climb out of our bed, grab his pillow and the duvet, and go over to the
couch. I get myself all situated and close my eyes. There’s only one problem ...all I see is my baby, his beautiful
face, those gorgeous blue eyes, that melt me every time, his soft blonde hair, and the way it falls over his eyes just
slightly. So I open my eyes I can’t take seeing him, and not being able to touch him. The first thing I see when I
open my eyes is the chair. Oh that white leather chair is the first time he ever rode me. There was nothing better than

being so far inside him for the first time, and he was a natural at it. The way he swiveled his hips, and kept me on the
edge for what felt like forever....the way my hands felt on his hips, the way his arms were wrapped so tightly around
my neck....the way our moans mixed and filled the loft, the way his head fell back when he finally fell over the edge
into his orgasm, and screamed my name, which sent me straight over the edge, and I pulled his face to mine and
kissed him while I came I always loved kissing him when I cum. Oh.... I think I need a drink.

******************************************************************************

Justin’s POV:

My mind is going a million miles a minute. Its going through every moment that me and Brian ever spent together
from the beginning to the end. The first time I ever saw him I was absolutely in awe. I don’t think I had ever seen
anything more beautiful in my entire life. I couldn’t believe he was coming over to me and when he implied he
could take me some place special, all I could think was, *You already have.* Everything about that night was
perfect, every kiss, every touch, ever caress, is engraved into my head, into my body. Ever since that night, and
those first few moments, my body, and mind has done nothing but crave, want, and need him, to love him, to make
him happy. At least I have finally been able to do something that I know will make him truly happy. So now I guess
it’s time to finish up some lose ends to all this. First things first I got to call the diner.... so I sit up and ask Daphne
“Daph can I use your phone? I have to call the diner really quick.”Sure Jus.... I’ll go get it.”S he goes out to the
living room and comes back in no time with the phone and a box of tissues. She sits at the side of the bed right next
to me and hands me a couple of tissues. I take them wipe my eyes and blow my nose. “Do you want me to leave?”
she asks. “No it’s fine I just can’t go in today.” or ever if I’m being honest but I will take care of that later tonight. I
pick up the phone and dial the diner.....Deb answers the phone.

“Liberty diner, what can I do ya for?” let me hold it together.

“Hey Deb it’s me I can’t come in today.”

“Hey sweety is everything alright? You don’t sound so good are you sick? Do you want me to bring you some
soup?” She’s getting herself all worked up already oh boy.


“No Deb I don’t need anything, I just can’t come in today. Is it alright?”

“Sure sunshine......you just get some sleep and fell better alright?”

“Ok Deb, thanks a lot I appreciate this.” I’m not really lying I do feel like shit.

“No problem sunshine I’ll talk to you later. Bye now.”

“Bye.” she hangs up and then so do I. Alright that done. I look up and I see that Daph’s just looking at me. I know
she wants to know what’s going on I guess I should just get it over with.

“You wanna talk about it?” She asks me in a really sweet low voice. Ah I don’t want to do this.

“Not really....*she just looks down and nods her head*.....He said that I wasn’t making him happy and that he didn’t
want to be with me anymore.” I say in a small voice, while I look at my hands. I can feel her eyes on me, so I look
up and she’s got her eye’s, and mouth wide open.

“I can’t believe it.” I know how she feels.

“He asked me to give him back his life. The life he had before he met me.”

“I don’t understand.....What does that mean?”

“Think about it Daph....he said he wants the life he had before he met me before I screwed it all up for him...” She’s
not getting it....” what he means is he doesn’t want me anywhere near his life, no contact, he wants everything back
to the way it was meaning that....in order to give him what he wants I have to completely cut myself out of his life,
his family his friends.....everything...that’s what he wants from me, and that’s what I’m going to give him.”

“But Justin.....those are your friends too, and that’s your family now too, and not to mention everything else....how
can he expect you to do that cut yourself out of everything?” She seems to be a little bit confused. But that’s all right
she really doesn’t need to understand this but this is still what’s going to happen.

“Daph, Brian has never asked me for anything, but now he is. He really wants this. He’s given me so much and all
I’ve done is lie, cheat, and hurt him. When we started this whole somewhat relationship thing he said that we were
together because we wanted to be.....but I just hurt him and I know I did cause, the look on his face last night when
he asked me for this and said that he wasn’t happy....was heart breaking, and I don’t want to hurt him anymore. He’s
been through enough in his life. I want to make him happy, that’s all I ever wanted. Now he has finally told me how
to make that happen. I can do this, I have to. Do you understand? He’s my whole world, he’s everything to me. I’d
do anything for him.”

“But Justin if he is your whole world and your everything, how can you just walk away from him, from everything
that is connected to him? From everything that you know and love, without fighting for him or trying to make things
better or...or something?” She is just not getting this. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to say this out loud. I think this is
what hurts the most.

“Because Daph.......even though he is all those things for me,.....I’m not, and never will be those things for him. I’m
not what he wants. So tell me why would I force him to be with me and to have to live his life constantly feeling like
he has to take care of me because he’s obligated, or because the family forces him to, or because I force him to.
Because I know as well as him that’s what would happen, that’s what has always happened. That’s how this all
happened, because he was forced into it all, by me, the family......I got what I wanted while Brian got fucked over
and over, he got saddle with all my shit. I should’ve never forced my way in. He never wanted any of this. So I don’t
blame him for finally putting his foot down and saying no more....I mean he asked really nicely and everything....” I
think she is getting now....she is nodding her head in understanding, but she’s frowning I know she is worried about
me and what this is going to mean for me.

“I’m here for you Justin....always. That will never change, never. I’ll be here to help you threw this. Whatever you
need.” she’s holding my hands now and looking straight into my eyes, and I can see that she really means every
word.

“Thanks Daph....I knew you would be. I do need you to do something for me so that I can get all this accomplished.”

She nods her head and squeezes my hands “Anything Jus.”

******************************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

I have decided that I don’t ever want to feel anything ever again, and I don’t want to remember anything it’s all too
much for me to handle ....so I have taken my good old friend Jim here and downed pretty much of the whole bottle.
I’ve found that while it is dulling the memories of Justin and I it is not making them go completely, and it is not
doing anything for the pain in my heart.....so I down another percentage and it goes down a lot better than the first
half. ‘Ring.......Ring’ god damn it I swear why can’t people ever just back the fuck off. I don’t want to deal with
anyone or anything for that matter....

“Obviously I’m in the middle of someone so.....leave a message and I’ll think about getting back to
you.”....Beep.....Um hey Brian it’s Daphne *oh god.....Daphne I jump up off the floor and run to the phone, I have to
know if he’s alright...I pick up the phone and..Beep*

“Um”

“Daphne?” I say in what I hope is a pretty calm even voice.

“Yes....um Justin asked me to give you a call” she sounds almost nervous.
“Oh?” I guess he wants me to know that he’s settled....

“Yeah....he um...he said that you wanted to have his computer sent to him and I told him he could stay here
so....whenever you want to have it sent is fine....” ok this is good he’ll be with Daphne. She will make sure he is ok,
she’ll take care of him..

“Alright, I’ll get that packed up and I’ll get it sent out on Monday,.....so it should arrive that day or Tuesday. How
does that sound?” this doesn’t seem real. I sound like a fucking telemarketer.

“That’s fine....um he also wanted to,...well” Uh oh I don’t know if I want to know. “He wanted to know if you could
skip Sunday dinner tomorrow night?” Hunh why would he want me to skip Sunday dinner?

“Why would he want me to skip Sunday dinner?” I have to ask it’s just too weird of a request.

“I’m really not sure....and I didn’t want to pry....he said to assure you it was a onetime thing, and that he wouldn’t
ask anything else of you....”

“Um?”

“He seemed to really want this Brian and it’s only the one time. He said he’d make sure you wouldn’t get any shit
for missing it....” she sounds nervous and a little bit desperate. I don’t understand this but if he really wants this I’ll
do it no matter how much shit I get. I’d do anything for my baby.....

“Tell him not to worry about it, I’ll skip dinner...”

“Thanks, Brian I know he’ll appreciate this...”

“Um is....how is he doing?” my voice isn’t as strong on that question, but I think it was pretty even, considering.

“......He’s just fine....goodbye Brian.” click.

She took too long to answer that. He’s not fine. But he will be. She’ll make sure he is. I turn the phone off, and
ringer off. I turn down the volume on the machine. I don’t need to hear from anyone else, I wish that Justin
would’ve made that call but it’s best he didn’t. Having the link to him threw Daphne was almost too much. If it
would’ve been him on the other line I know just the sound of his voice, would have broken all my resolve and I
would have begged, and pleaded for him to come home to me. Uh I’m really going to have to work on this.....I mean
I’m sure that he’ll avoid me for awhile until he gets over all this but.....what am I going to do when he starts showing
up at the clubs, and of course there is the diner, and then the family dinners that we’ll have to attend. Oh this is a
nightmare beyond belief. I didn’t even think of all these things. Obviously he did. How am I supposed to keep from
begging him to come home when I see him? Maybe I should think about looking for a job in another city. Cause I
don’t think I could watch him living his life day in and day out without me. I know I couldn’t. I couldn’t watch him
and the boyfriends that I know he’ll have it would crush me. I couldn’t stand watching him and all his achievements,
and not be able to show him how proud of him I am and how much I love him. Hell I gave him up. I don’t think that
I can stand anymore.

Alright I need to be less alive right now. But I think in order to achieve this I’m going to need a lot more than just
JB. So I go up to the bedroom and grab my special box. I open it up and there is always so much to choose from but
I just grab some sleeping pills cause that’s all I really want to do is to sleep. At least when I sleep I don’t have to feel
anything. I pop those pills and take them down with what’s left of the Jim Beam. I really hope this works. I go back
into the kitchen and throw the bottle away. When I turn back around I swear to god I can see myself chasing Justin
around the loft I grab him and have him pinned up against the wall right next to the naked guy painting. He’s
smiling that gorgeous sunshine smile of his, and laughing trying to catch his breath. I have his wrist in my hands and

against the wall right above his head, but I move to intertwine our fingers together I just love the way our hands fit
together and feel together. I give him a little laugh and then I slowly move my body so our bodies are completely
against each other. I hear his breath catch, and I watch as he closes his eyes and gives a soft moan. I grind my cock
against his, and his eyes pop back open and glaze over with passion. I lean in and suck his bottom lip into mouth
nipping it and slowly running my tongue over it. I hear him whimper so I lean back I love to see the look in his eyes
when he’s over taken with lust. He gets this pink flush in his checks, eyes half closed, mouth slightly open, but the
one thing that always puts me over the edge, is the look in his eyes. It’s always the same, passion, trust, and
unmistakable love. That’s when I just can’t help myself I have to have him, have to take him and make him mine all
over again, have to feel very inch of him against me. That’s when my passion, trust, and love for him takes over.

I swoop in and press my lips against his and play my tongue against his lips, he opens his lips to let me in. I love
kissing him, I could kiss him forever and be completely content. This kiss is full of passion and heat. It gets me so
hard, I start to grind our cocks together again and it feels so good, I need to be inside him so bad so I let go of his
hands and grab him under his arms and lift him up. He wraps his legs around my waist, and throws his arms tightly
around my neck, I grab around his ass so I can hold him up and turn towards the dining table, the bed is just too
damn far at this point. I sit him down on the table but he’s still tightly wrapped around me. I move my right hand
from his ass and put it to the back of his neck and pull him in to get our kiss even deeper. I can never get enough of
his kisses. I push myself into him and slowly guide him to lie back against the table. Now I move my left and from
his ass to run my fingers threw his hair it’s always so soft, and then I move back to his face, and slowly and lightly
run my finger tips along the side of his face and down his neck and back up. I can feel him shutter underneath me,
and moan into our kiss. With my right hand I twine my fingers into his hair and give it a slight pull that earns me a
deep moan and him rolling his body into mine and I can’t help but moan.. I can’t take anymore I have to have him
now. I slowly break our kiss giving him a peck before I stand straight up, but our eyes stay locked. He’s still got his
legs tightly locked around my waist so I move my hands to his knees and slowly move them down his thighs to the
top of his pants, and over to the button where I undo it, and then slowly unzip them. I move my hands back to his
waist and grip the top of his pants he lifts his ass up and I pull his pants down he then lifts his legs straight up and I
take them the rest of the way off. He lets his legs fall and dangle off the side of the table and sits up. I grab the
bottom of his shirt and pull it up and over his head, and throw it to the side. He puts his hands on my shoulders and
moves them slowly down my chest to the bottom Of my wife beater and pulls it over my head and throws it to the
side. My right hand goes to the back of his neck and I pull him into another sensual kiss while he lightly runs his
finger tips up and down my back, and now it’s my turn to shutter then he moves around to undo the buttons of my
pants with his left hand while taking out the condom and small tube of lube out of my pocket with his right hand. He
puts the condom and lube off to the side, then moves both of his hands to the waist of my pants and pulls them down
over my ass I reach over with my left hand and grab the lube while he reaches for the condom. I lube up my three of
my fingers and set the lube back down. I hear him rip the condom open. He’s now rolling the condom on my cock
and god it feels so good I can’t help the groan that comes from me, I put my lubed middle finger to his tight hole and
slowly push past the tight muscle. He sucks the breath from my lungs, and then breaths it back into me. That can
give you such a high. I slide my finger in and almost all the way out then I move the second finger in and he moans
into our kiss, I continue that for another second before I can’t wait any longer and move the third into his tight ass I
feel cold around my dick then the warmth of his hand moving up and down and I know he’s as ready as I am.

I take my fingers from him and he guides my dick to his hole when I get to the tight opening I slowly start to push
my way in, he lets go of my cock and wraps his arms back around my neck. As I’m sliding into him I grab him
under his ass with both hands pick him up and slam him the rest of the way onto my dick. He breaks the kiss and
screams “Brian” as he throws his head back. I stay that way, holding him on me and start to nuzzle his neck with my
nose and lick, kiss, and nip at his neck till he raises his head and looks in my eyes and says “so good, I love it when
you do that.” yeah he loves it when it’s a little rough. I sit him back on the table and start to slowly move within him
he’s always so tight and so warm, I always want it to last forever but it always becomes too much for me and before
I know it I’m moving faster and harder, I lean into him and lay him back against the table, I kiss him and put my
hands under his shoulders so I can pull him down onto me. I break the kiss and look into his eyes “god Brian please
harder oh god please harder.” so I pick up my pace and slam into him roll my hips so I hit his prostate every time “is
this how you want it baby?” he screams “ YES” I know he’s close and I’m almost there and with his cock trapped
between us I know it will only take a few more thrust and he will.........”Oh Brian oh god please.” and he’s shooting,
and his ass grips my dick so hard it hurts and sends me over the edge. “Ah baby.....” I ride out my orgasm and when
it’s done I lay my head against his chest while we both try and get our breathing under control, and he runs his hands
up and down my back. Believe it or not I like to lay there all wet and sticky against him. Then out of nowhere I hear

him slightly I lift my head and look into his eyes lift my eyebrow in question of what the fuck he could possibly be
laughing at, at this moment. His answer is of course “I guess you don’t like to be called an old fuddy duddy, hunh?”
I have to chuckle at that, the little fucker that’s how this all got started.........

I shake my head and look out the loft windows. I don’t know what I’m going to do. There is just too many memories
of us together here, everywhere I look there is something that reminds me of him. I need another drink. So I move
over to the bar and pull out the vodka. Maybe this will help move the pills and Beam along. I twist off the top, and
take in a little over a quarter of it. I go to sit on my couch, and make shift bed. I lean my head back, pull Justin’s
pillow up over my chest I wanna bury my face in it but when I try to pull up my head I notice that it’s gotten quite
heavy. Ah finally my little friends are coming to my rescue once again. I have a feeling they are going to have their
work cut out for them for a while. I put all the effort and strength I have and get myself all laid out on the couch. I
pull Justin’s pillow even tighter into me and wrap my legs around it. I set the vodka bottle on the floor and I can feel
that floaty feeling, I close my eyes and the first thing I see as always is my baby’s face. Then as clear as day I hear
him say “night Bri.... I love you.” he always told me that every night never failed, right before I’d go to sleep he’d
tell me he loves me. We both knew I wasn’t asleep but I never made my fucked up comments and he never brought
it up otherwise. Him doing that one little thing always helped me fall to sleep, easier than I have ever been able to in
all my life. I’m feeling sleepy now and I’m out.

******************************************************************************

Justin’s POV:

Daphne’s made the call to Brian cause I know I could never do it. She told me that he’s sending over my computer
and that he’d skip dinner tomorrow no problem. He’s probably grateful that he doesn’t have to see. Well after
tomorrow he won’t ever have to worry about that again. Everything will be fine for him after tomorrow..... then I
can figure out what the rest of my life is going to be.

Chapter 3: Lying From You

Justin’s POV:

I have spent the last seven hours laying in Daphne’s bed just staring out the window and thinking about all that has
happened in the last two years. There have been so many ups and downs that you’d of thought I’d have lost my mind
by now. I must say that I have been close to losing my mind a couple of times. Losing my father, Brian almost going
to New York, the bashing, the nightmares, and the lack of sleep from the nightmares, the constant uphill battle that
I’ve had to fight to be with Brian. Those things have all brought me to the edge of sanity but I’ve always managed to
keep myself on the winning side. I’m not so sure about this time though. I always fought back because I had
something to fight back for. This time there is nothing waiting for me on the other side. I always fought so hard
because Brian was always there on the other side, I thought that was my goal my prize I thought if I fought hard
enough then we’d be together, we’d be happy. He would love me. This time I don’t have those illusions. It’s really
scary.

I look over at the time and I see that it’s time to get myself together. Deb will be off by now and Tony should be
coming in to check over the day’s receipts. So I use everything I’ve got and pull myself out of this bed. I head out to
the living room and I see Daph sitting at the dining room table with her books all spread out in front of her. She’s so
involved that she doesn’t even notice that I’m standing right next to her. I clear my throat and put a hand on her
shoulder to get her attention she jumps and looks over at me. “Jesus, Justin you scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry Daph I was actually trying not to.” I tell her, with an apologetic smile.

She pats my hand and smiles “It’s alright, what’s up?”

“Is it alright if I jump in the shower?”

“Of course it is Jus, you can do whatever you like here this is your place now too.” I love her to death but this is not
my place. This is her home, and I’m sure she’ll be happy to have it back when I leave. Which I’m sure won’t be to

long from now. I’m going to figure something out. I’m just not sure what that is yet. Right now however I’m just
going to concentrate on the immediate future. “There are towels in the cupboard by the bathroom, and wash clothes
in the second drawer by the sink. Use whatever you need.” she says with a small smile.

I give a small smile of my own and say “thanks.” I give her a peck on the forehead and head over to my bags they
are still sitting by the couch. I sit down on the couch and pull out the two bags Brian packed for me with all my
favorite bathroom stuff. It was nice of him to give me all this, he did after all pay for it so he didn’t have too. But
then again he could’ve just wanted to get rid of all reminders of me. That sounds a little more accurate. My stomach
falls at that thought. Even now I still conjure up illusions of him caring about me. Oh well I guess I’ll just have to
work harder at remembering from now on cause with each mistaken emotion I give him..... it hurts me. I wish I
didn’t have to think and feel anymore. After tomorrow I’m going to have to find a way to make that happen. But for
now I need all my wits to get me through what has to be done. I grab my stuff and a change of clothes and head over
to the bathroom. I stop and grab a towel and go into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I turn on the shower
as hot as I can without totally scalding myself. I want it to hurt. Maybe that way it will take my mind off the pain in
my heart, and make me think of nothing else but the pain of the water hitting my back. I take off all my clothes and
jump in the shower. I grit my teeth and step under the water and it hurts a lot, but it’s also working so I grit and bare
it. I wash my hair and my body then I just stand there enjoying the fact that this is the only pain I can feel right now
and think of right now. But all too soon the hot runs into cold and the pain in my heart and head is back in full force.
I turn off the water grab the towel and start to dry myself off. My skin is so tender and bright red from the hot water.
I wrap the towel around my waist and shave real quick it doesn’t take much time for me. Slap some after shave on,
remove my towel hang it up and get into my black slacks, and baby blue button down. I put all my stuff back in their
bags, garb my dirty clothes and head back out to the living room. I put my stuff back into their places and pull out
the little laundry bag I stuff into my duffel last night. Shove my dirty clothes in that and replace it in my duffel. I
pull out my nice shoes and sit down on the couch to put them on and tie them up.

I feel Daphne’s eyeing me so I look over my shoulder and sure enough she’s staring at me. “Justin are sure you want
to do this? Isn’t there any other way?”

“No Daph....this is the way it has to be. Look I know you’re worried about me but I’m going to be just fine you’ll
see. This is for the best anyway.” I try and give the best reassuring smile I’ve got but there is just nothing much left
in my reserves. But she nods her head in understanding. She knows I’m going to do this, so why fight me, and she’s
right. I stand up and make way over to her she stands up and pulls me into a tight hug. I squeeze her to me and she
whispers that the keys are over by her purse on the counter. “It’s alright Daphne I can just take the bus.” she pulls
back and says...

“There’s no need for you to. I’m in all night studying so just take the car do what you got to do and come back
whenever you’re done you don’t need to hurry...... if you want to be alone or just drive go for it ok?” she’s so good
to me, and she knows me so well. I nod my head yes and she gives me a quick kiss. “Good then I’ll see you when
you get back and just be careful.”

“I will, and I won’t be gone too long.” I pull away from her and grab up her keys and head out the door. When I get
into her car it hits me that I’m about to start deconstruct my life. That sends a chill threw my body. But I take a deep
breath and push the thoughts out of my head, and remind myself that this is what needs to be done, and most
importantly this is what’s going to make Brian happy. That thought helps my resolve and I start up the engine and
head over to the diner.

I find a parking space and park the car it’s right across the street from the diner. I hop out of the car and wait for a
couple of cars to pass before I make my way across the street. I peek into the window to make sure that nobody I
know is in there right now. Nope nobody I know is there. So I head in. The bell above the door rings and as usual
every eye in the place looks over to see what’s just come in..... I start making my way into the back and ignore the
few “Hey babies?” coming my way. I go through to the back of the diner and head to the office. I take a couple of
deep breaths and give a couple of knocks on the door. A few seconds later I hear Tony call out “Yeah. Come on in.”
I open the door and see him intently looking over the books on his desk. He glances up at me. “Hey Justin. How you
doin? Deb said you weren’t feeling too well and called in. You doin any better?” tony’ a really great guy very
understanding and reasonable, sense of humor like you wouldn’t believe. Not too bad looking for a man in his late
forties. He’s got golden brown hair sprinkled with grey here and there, but it only compliments his features. His got

these misty grey eyes. I’ve never seen anybody eyes like his. I’ve actually attempted to recreate his eye colr a couple
times. I can never get it completely right. I move to sit down in the chair in front of his desk, as I do I start to
explain.

“I’m fine Tony, Deb sometimes gets herself overly worked up over nothing.” he gives a short laugh at that we all
know how easily Deb gets worked up over things.

“Yeah well, ain’t that the truth. However I’m still glad you’re feeling alright. So what brings you out to this
wonderful establishment then after to you call in?” he saying it with a playful tone so I know he’s not mad. Like I
said he’s a very understanding guy. I look down at my hands and take a quick breather, just get this over with
Taylor. With that I look back up into his eyes and say.

“Well I need to let you know that I have to quit today.” he furrows his brows and frowns at this.

“Why do you have to quit?” he looks concerned.

“I’m going to be going out of town on some personal business and I’m not sure when or if I’m going to be coming
back........I’m really sorry Tony this wasn’t something I was expecting, it just kinda happened.” in this respect I’m
not lying I wasn’t in a million years ever expecting this to happen but here I am. He has concern all over his face.

“Are you alright Justin? I mean it’s nothing medical is it?” he’s sitting straight up in his chair now practically
ripping off the leather of the arms with his finger nails.....did I say what a great guy he was?

“No it’s nothing like that but I would really rather not discuss it. If you don’t mind? I know I’m a complete ass for
putting you in this position after all you’ve done for me. Always working around my school and the therapy sessions
and even holding onto my job after the bashing. You’ll never know how grateful I am to for all those things. I really
am Tony. I hope you can forgive me for having to do this.”

“Absolutely Justin. You are one of the best waiters we ever had in this joint. Not to mention you’re a really great
guy, and not to bad on the eyes I might add” I have to chuckle at that.

“Thanks Tony.” I give him a small smile but true smile. I’m glad he’s not mad.

“Ah no problem.....But I do want you to promise me something.”

“Sure.”

“If you ever need anything, anything at all. You call me, and let me help you.”

“Oh Tony that’s not necessary.” I say while shaking my head.

“No I said promise me.” he serious. I must look a little stunned. This I wasn’t expecting. I must have taken too long
to answer....”Promise me Justin. You may not want to let me know what’s going on but I can tell that it can’t be
good, and this will make me feel better, knowing I can help if you need it.”

“Alright Tony, thank you.” I look back at my hands that are now fidgeting in my lap.

“No Justin say ‘I promise you Tony that if I need help, or anything at all I call you.’ ” I’m looking at him now and I
guess he really wants to make sure I heard him. So I give in.

“I promise Tony that if I need help, or anything at all I will call you.” he gives a little laugh.

“See now was that so hard?”

“No that wasn’t so hard.” he stands and then so do I. He starts coming around to my right side and holds out his
arms.

“Good now come and give me a hug and then I’ll walk you out.” I go over and give him hug and he whispers in my
ear...”Are you sure you’re alright?” please let me hold it together.

“No” is my only response. But he doesn’t push it he just gives me a squeeze, and I take a deep breath and get my
emotions back under control. He steps back and out of the hug. He leaves his arm around my shoulder and we start
out of his office.

“Oh yeah one more thing. If you could not tell anyone about this? I’d really like to tell everyone, myself.” I look up
at him and he nods his head.

“Sure Justin......it’s not my place to tell them anyways. You do it however you’d like. I won’t say a word.” he looks
down and into my eyes letting me know that he won’t say anything and with a smile he say’s “oh yes and if you stop
by about two in the afternoon I’ll have your last check ready for you.”

“Thanks I’d appreciate that.” We walk out into the dining area, and he’s still got his arm around my shoulder and I
can hear people whispering. These people must know that I usually only have one man’s arm around me. But that’ll
never happen again. He gets me outside the door. We have another quick hug and he tells me. I’ll leave your check
in the top drawer of my desk just go on in and grab it alright?”

I nod my head and he pats my shoulder. “I hope I see you again someday Taylor.” with that he turns around and
goes back into the diner. I close my eyes. Take a shaky breath and let it out.... Woo. That went a lot better than I
thought it would. I can’t believe how great he was about this whole thing. I open my eyes and head back to Daph’s
car. I get in and just sit there for a minute, before I start it up and head out. I mentally go down my list of things that
have to still be done while crossing off what has been accomplished. I park the car and get out. I wait for a car to
pass and I realize....

“Ah fuck” I say softly with a groan. I look to the loft windows. Yep, you got it the loft windows. All the lights are
off. But of course they are. He’s got his life back, he’s out having the time of his life. Hopefully he’s happy. But I’m
sure he is. I mean I’m no longer there to give him a hard time every time he turns around. I know I was really bad,
the hurt puppy dog looks I couldn’t get off my face when he’d go into the backroom, and then when he’d come back
out to me. No more telling him it’s time to go so I can go home and do homework or just get some sleep so I could
go to school. I mean how pathetic is it to force him to leave when he’s already had to do the whole school thing.
He’s thirty for fuck sakes he shouldn’t have to deal with all that kind of shit. Well at least he won’t have to do it
anymore. I stand there for I don’t know how long before I can even move to get back into Daphne’s car, and even
then it’s a conscious effort to force myself to turn around and get back into the car. But I do it. I grab the steering
wheel and my knuckles turn white I’m holding on so tight. I feel the tears stinging my eyes and start running down
my face, a sob escapes me before I can get it under control and hold them back. I need to get out of here but I don’t
want to leave at the same time. “Pull yourself together Taylor.” I take a deep breath and blow it out hard. I need a
couple more of those. I straighten up and look straight ahead even though everything in me is telling me to look over
at the lofts window. I won’t allow myself to look there anymore it tears me apart just the thought of it. So I turn the
key and start up the car. Put the car into drive. Grip the steering wheel as hard as I can, I guess I’m trying to pull
strength from a fucking steering wheel. Oh god how fucking pathetic am I. I mean it’s a fucking steering wheel. I
loosen my grip a little on the wheel and start to remove my foot from the break it’s time to leave........

******************************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

I can feel something stirring inside of me, pulling me to wake and even though I fight to stay asleep my eyes still
pop open and my body has this intense urge to look out the window. I stand up and make my way over to the
window and look down at the street. I see now the reason for the stir, there pulling out into traffic from across the
street is Daphne’s car. I can vaguely see Justin’s blonde head in the driver’s side window. It’s taking everything I
have in me to stay where I’m at, and not run down to the street and chase down that car. Instead I watch as he drives
down the street and turns the corner. My heart is pounding in my chest at an unbelievable rate from the from just
seeing him so close the adrenalin rush I got from wanting to chase him down, has got my whole body whirling. I

slap my hand as hard as I can against the window. “Fuck Me.” the sound of my voice carries threw the loft bouncing
off the walls, and back at me. I hate that my screaming is the only sounds in the loft.... it was always different when
Justin was here. Yes we were always pretty quiet but never was it this deafening silence. There was always his light
snore, the sound of his computer humming, pencil against paper, the microwave going, cause he is always eating, or
even better when I’d hear the sound of him cooking in the kitchen, cause even though he makes the worst messes
while he’s cooking he is an excellent cook. When I’d complain about what a fucking mess the kitchen was he’d
simple reply “A great cook always makes a mess.” I’d have to say he was right. I love his cooking. Then there was
the sound of him humming or full out singing in the shower with, he always had to have music going in the loft, soft
always so soft in the background but it was there, I decide this is a great Idea to help take away some of this silence
so I go over to the stereo and hit play on the CD player and a not so soft melody comes playing out but it’s the
volume is set very low so it’s alright. Ah yes of course I recognize it now it’s Linkin Park. Other than that god afoul
violin screeching shit of Ian’s this is the is his current musical obsession. He was constantly listening to them. I
never really paid much attention to it since it sounded like a bunch of screaming and rapping to me. But maybe there
is a reason he liked them so much so I guess I’ll give this a try.

When I pretend
everything is what I want it to be
I look exactly like what you had always wanted to see
when I pretend
I can forget about the criminal I amm
stealing second after second just cause I know I can but
I can’t pretend this is the way
it will stay / I’m just

trying to bend the truth

I can’t pretend I’m who you want me to be
so I’m

lying my way from you

[no/no turning back now]
I wanna be pushed aside
so let me go
[no/no turning back now
let me take back my life
I’d rather be all alone
[no turning back now]
anywhere on my own
cause I can see
[no/no turning back now]
the very worst part of you
is me

I remember what they taught to me
remember condescending talk
of who I ought to be
remember listening to all of that
and this again
so I pretend up a person was fitting in
and now you think this person
really is me and I’m

trying to bend the truth

but the more I push

the more I’m pulling away
cause I’m

lying my way from you
[no/no turning back now]
I wanna be pushed aside
so let me go
[no/no turning back now]
let me take back my life
I’d rather be all alone
[no turning back now]
anywhere on my own
cause I can see
[no/no turning back now]
the very worst part of you
is me

this isn’t what I wanted to be
I never thought that what I said
would have me running from me
like this

the very worst part of you
the very worst part of you
is me.

This is just a little too close to home for me so I turn off the radio and wipe away the tears that have come down my
face. Those last few lyric’s of the song keep on going through my head ‘the very worst part of you is me’ that’s
exactly what I am I’m the very worst part of me and Justin’s relationship. I know all the things I’ve done to him all
the different ways I hurt him. The things he did for me. Like the threesomes and the bathe houses he’d go to. Just
cause he wanted to be with me and he knew that it was pretty close to the only to make that happen. Sure I didn’t see
that he didn’t like it towards the end, but when I did see it I didn’t make any attempts to make him comfortable or to
let him know that it was ok. That he didn’t have to do those things to be with me. In fact I reinforced his
assumptions, by constantly telling him that I was going he could stay here or come with me, and by bringing them
home when he wouldn’t go out with me. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking to constantly be throwing it in
his face those ways. I love him with everything I have but I still couldn’t help myself, I still did things that I knew
would hurt him. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me, but I just couldn’t let myself return his love and be
happy. I kept on thinking of all my stupid rules and of course my whole little legend of, being the stud of Liberty
Avenue. To tell you the truth I don’t care about all those things they are just my way of hiding, and that’s what I did
I hid behind those identities and rules. I don’t know why I can’t seem to step out of those patterns, but obviously if I
can’t do it for Justin, the man I love, the man that means the world to me, who is my world, my everything than I
guess I will never be able too. I finally realized that this would never change when two things happened first when
he said “He loves me in ways you can’t.” and of course my automatic response was to cut him the deepest and give
him no hope by saying “In ways I won’t.” and secondly when he asked me” would you care if I wasn’t here?” and
since I couldn’t let myself give him hope, or let him see how much I wanted him no matter how much my heart was
screaming to let it talk my head as usual won out with “It’s your call where you want to be.” I knew then that if he
didn’t already chose Ian I’d have to force him away from me. He was begging for just a little affection, just a small
sign that I wanted him with me, and then he would’ve been perfectly happy broke everything off with Ian, and
stayed with me. But I couldn’t even give him the smallest of affections, or any sign that I wanted him with me
instead I made sure he had no hope, and nothing that would ever let him think I wanted, and needed, and loved him.
I can’t believe how much I hate myself when I think of doing all these things to him. “I really am the biggest fuck up
ass hole ever.” and with that I can’t help myself and the next thing I know with my arm I send the stereo system and
everything else on the shelve shattering to the floor. “Ah fuck it.”

I turn towards the liquor cart again. Oh wait my little friend Mr. Vodka is sitting by my bed, or my couch whichever.
I have a seat and proceed to drink myself back to sleep. It works out pretty well since I don’t have any food in me,

and of course all the booze and sleeping pills from earlier are still in my system. I’m very thankful for this. Because
after I finish off my big ol’ bottle of vodka I’m feeling pretty fucked up again and I slip down onto the couch curl up
into my bay’s pillow once more and bring the duvet up over me and I feel myself drifting off again. But before I do I
imagine and hear Justin say “night Brian I love you.” only this time I allow myself in the safety of the empty loft to
say out loud what I have never admitted out loud before “ I love you too Justin.”

******************************************************************************

Justin’s POV:

I finally get back to Daph’s apartment right before three in the morning. Yeah I know one more thing that is just so
embedded in me now. But it really doesn’t matter. She left the light over the stove on for me. This is good cause I
really don’t know my way around to well. I go over to the hall way cupboard and pull out the blankets that I saw in
there from when I grabbed my towels. I know Daph wouldn’t mind me slipping into bed with her but I just don’t
feel right about doing that again. She shouldn’t have to take care of me like that. I set up the couch and grab the
throw pillow that is sitting in the arm chair and lay down. I don’t remember much of anything after I drove off from
the loft. I’m surprised that I didn’t get into an accident with the thick fog my head I was in. Somehow though I
managed it and even with my internal alarm clock made it here before three. Hunh? The mind is a fucked up piece
of work sometimes. The way it will automatically force you into your habits even when those things don’t matter
anymore. I roll over to face the back of the couch, and press myself as close to it as possible hoping to foul my mind
into thinking it’s Brian. I start to feel the hot prickly tears coming, cause again the mind is a fucked up piece of work
that while reminding you of things you want to forget, won’t let you at the same time pretend things you wish were
true. See what I’m saying fucked up. I’m crying once again missing the way it feels to snuggle against Brian’s warm
tight body, wrap my arms around him tightly while playing my finger tips across his stomach feeling him shutter
every so often when I’d hit a new spot. I’m feeling myself drift a little bit but before I succumb I whisper “Night
Brian, I love you.” just like always but this time I hear Brian’s voice whisper back to me “I love you too Justin.” I
smile at that. Sometimes the mind can be a wonderful thing as well. I let myself fall into a restless sleep.
Remembering I have a big day tomorrow.

Chapter 4: How It's Done

Brian’s POV:

I have this annoyingly way too bright light in my eyes. I blink a couple of times trying to let my eyes adjust to the
brightness but it's just giving me an incredibly painful headache so I decide to keep them closed for now. Fuck, I
feel like my insides are on one of those flippy floppy rides. Uh oh, I'm starting to feel a cold sweat coming over me,
this isn't good. I'm definitely going to be sick, but I know I can't move. It's simply impossible right now so I'm trying
my damnedest to keep my stomach down. It's not working though, so with everything I’ve got, I force myself off the
couch. Now I'm on my hands and knees on the floor puking my guts out. Which is fine, I'd rather it be all over the
floor than my leather couch any day. Well this is some accomplishment. This is the first time in a very long time I've
felt this absolutely horrible. As a matter of fact I'm pretty sure the last time was before Justin came into my life. I
guess in that respect it's pretty fitting then.

Well I think that I have sufficiently thrown up everything in my system and then some. But I'm feeling a little bit
better so I stand up while avoiding the major mess I've just made. I make my way over to the bathroom and turn on
the shower as hot as I can. Turn around, take a long piss, flush and get into the shower. I stand there under the spray
letting the hot water scald my body. Finally I step back and lean my back against the wall. Oh of course not even
more than five minutes into my shower and I get assaulted with those incredibly hot shower sessions we've had
together. Oh........"la la la la la la la la la la la." I say this over and over again while I rush to get myself all cleaned
off, in the fasted shower I have ever had since I was a teenager. I literally jump out of the shower and practically run
out of the bathroom while grabbing a towel on the way out. I can't stay in this loft for one more minute. So I move
over to the closet, grab a pair of black jeans and then dig into my drawer for a black wife beater and socks. I quickly
dress, grab some boots and get them on. As I go down the few steps out of the bedroom, I stop dead in my tracks. I
shouldn't be thinking this. I move to the desk and get his computer packed up and it’s then I realize that I can't stop
myself.

I'm seriously fucked in the head for doing this, but here I am parked outside of Daphne's apartment. See seriously
fucked. Even as fucked as all this is, I still can't stop myself. I just wanna see him, I need to make sure he's ok. So I
get out of the car, grab his computer and go up to Daphne’s apartment.

I'm standing there and my heart is going a mile a minute as I wait for someone to answer, god I wish they'd hurry up,
I can't wait much longer and ah someone, hopefully Justin is opening the door......fuck it's Daphne. I love the girl
don't get me wrong but she's not the reason I'm here. She's looking at me with the biggest eyes I have ever seen and
her mouth is wide open ......

"Brian......what, what are you doing here"? Oh fuck, what am I going to say? I didn't think about this part, I mean I
told her I'd send this by messenger, and now here I am. Ah!!!! Sometimes I swear I just don't fucking think....

"Well I just figured that I'd bring this by instead of lugging it to the office and everything else. I mean it just seemed
so stupid that I couldn't just bring it myself it's not a big deal."

"Um".......her brows are completely furrowed and she seems completely on guard. I don't blame her. But she steps
aside to let me in. "Alright I guess, you can just put it on the kitchen table right there." I walk in and as I'm on my
way to the table I can see that Justin’s bags are sitting by the couch still packed up. I also make a quick glance
around and notice that there are only two other doors, which means one bedroom and a bath.....and on the couch
neatly folded is a blanket and a throw pillow......fuck my baby is sleeping on a couch. I set the computer down on the
table, and I notice that Daphne is still standing right by the still wide open door. Humph…I wanna see my baby.
Where is he, he's not in the bathroom the door is open and there's nobody in there.

"All done?" she asks me. Jesus she wants me out of here.

"Well I figured I could get it set up for him really quick." She's shaking her head at me now.

"No I don't think that's such a good idea Brian......I don't want you here when Justin gets back." Ah fuck he's not
even here. God damn it. "I mean it Brian, look he is doing what you want but don't make it harder on him by being
here when he gets back, it’ll be too much for him right now." Oh god I am a shit. While doing this I was too busy
thinking how hard it would be for me to see him again, and also the fact that I just really wanted to see him. But I
didn't think of how hard it would be for him to see me. Stupid.

"Oh yeah…of course, all right then, I’ll just.....I'll just leave this here and um…be on my way." I knew this was a
bad idea. Damn it why couldn't I just stay away? I'm fucking things up here....I make my way over to the door. I
have this sudden urge to run, as far away from here as possible. I don't want to hurt him, but of course she's right, me
being here would just hurt him. I move past Daphne through the door.

"Hey Brian"… I stop and turn to face her. She's looking directly in my eyes, "are you sure this is what you want"?
Why do I do these things to myself? I finally do the right thing by getting Justin to leave but then I go and fuck
things up....

"Yes Daphne....this is definitely what I want. Neither one of us was happy. Why keep on going if we're not happy. I
don't want to do it anymore." I wonder if those lies were believable? It was the best I could do. "Alright....I'm sorry
for prying but I just really wanted to make sure.....that this is what you wanted."

Wow I can't believe she bought that. I am good, too good for my own good I think.

"That's fine you're a great friend to him I'm glad he has you to look out for him...well I'm going to get going now.
See you around Daph." with that I turn and walk to the elevator.

"Goodbye Brian."
******************************************************************************

Justin's POV:

Daphne let me borrow her car again so I could go pick up my last paycheck. It didn't take long for me to get to the
diner which is good cause dinner is at 6:00pm and I have some more things to get done before then. I don't even
bother with the front door this time; instead I park around back and go in through the back entrance. I know Deb
won’t be here but who knows who else would be out there. I just don't want to have to deal. I mean Brian could be
out there. Wouldn't that just be a kick? I couldn't handle that, and I don't wanna have to deal with any of the family
until I absolutely have to. So I go in and head straight to Tony's office. I get into his desk like he told me too, and
find the envelope that says "Taylor" on the front. I open it up and pull out what seems to be a letter and my check. I
set the check down and open up the letter.

“Justin, there are some things that I wanted to tell you and I figured it would be easier to do it in a letter. I'm an old
gay man who doesn't have kids of his own and who will never because to tell you the truth I never wanted any. But,
and there is always a ‘but’, you are a great young man. We've gotten to know each other pretty well over the past
year and a half, and well, let’s just say that if I ever did have a kid I'd want them to turn out like you. You're brave,
kind, caring, loving, protective of the people you love, and even to people you don't know. You've been through so
much; I don't think that I'd be able to bounce back like you have. You still hold your innocence and all those other
wonderful qualities that make you who you are. It really amazes me to no end.

I'm not sure what you’re going through right now, and I won’t pry, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to make
sure that you are okay. I don't want you to end up having to do something that you'll regret. So right now I want you
to pick up your check if you haven't already.”

I pick up the check and turn it over and holy fucking shit!! What the fuck is this?

“Now don't get all up in arms Justin. This is nothing for me, just a drop in the bucket so please let me do this. You're
probably the closest thing I'll ever have to a son, and I want to make sure you're taken care of. So take this, and take
care of yourself. Now with that said I'm sure you'll do as I ask. If you ever need anything Justin I want you to call
me and I'll be there. Ok? All my numbers are at the bottom so keep this with you. Good luck Justin. I hope things
get better for you; you deserve some happiness.

Tony”

I can't believe this. This is fucking unbelievable. I can't believe he'd do this. $100,000! With this money I won’t
have to worry like I have been. I can get what I need to start a new life for myself. I wipe away the few tears that
have fallen. It's been one hell of a week. Tony is such a good man but I wouldn't have expected him to do something
like this. Well now I need to get moving cause I have a couple more things to do before I can start this new life of
mine. I put the check and letter safely in my backpack, and make my way back to Daph's car; I need to get to the
bank.

I've finished at the bank and have made my way to a used car dealership, and have picked out a little silver Chevy
Prism. It's a really nice car, a 2000' very nice condition and it drives really great. It's perfect for me. With that done,
I call Daph and have her waiting for me outside so we can go get my new car picked up. She goes back to her place
while I go and get the rest of the stuff that I have to do out of the way.

It's about 5:30 when I get back to Daph's. Man it's been a busy day and there is still the gauntlet to go through. I
come through the apartment at a run and start getting ready for dinner. I'm dressed in a navy blue sweater and dark
gray slacks. I sit down and throw on my nice shoes and then get up to get my wallet. When I turn towards the
kitchen table I freeze, my computer is here. How did it get here it wasn't supposed to be delivered till tomorrow.
"Daph.....Daphne."

"Yeah Jus?" she's coming out of the bathroom and I can't take my eyes off the computer…..“Was he here”? I motion
with my hand towards it. She glances over at it.

"Um...yeah. Brian stopped by while you were out and dropped it off." I spin around to face her and she looks a little
sheepish.

"He was here?" she just nods. Well isn't she a lot of help. "Well....what happened? What he say?" I can't believe he
was here. What does that mean?

"He just said that he didn't see why he couldn't just bring it by himself. He said it seemed really stupid to go through
all the trouble of having it delivered."

I'm so confused right now and I know it must show. "Was that it? He didn't say anything else to you?" Please
something…. anything. Maybe he changed his mind; maybe there is hope after all.

She furrows her brows and looks at the floor. This isn't looking all too hopeful anymore. "I asked him if this is what
he really wanted. I just wanted to make sure Justin. I mean this is huge I didn't want you to do this and him be lying,
cause this is a big step for you."
She's looking at me now and I nod my head I understand she is just looking out for me. " He said that yes, this is
what he wanted." I look at the floor now. How silly of me to get my hopes up I mean really. I'm still not learning
here. Ok I can't think about this right now. I'll have plenty of time soon enough. I take a deep breath and go over and
give Daph a hug. I tell her it's fine, and I have to get going or I'll be late. We all know what happens if your late for
one of Deb's Sunday dinners unless you're Brian of course. Plus I really just want to get this over with. It's going to
be so hard. Saying goodbye is never easy. Especially when you thought you'd never have to. Losing another family
isn't going to be easy. But at least I know what to expect this time around.

I'm standing in front of Deb's door and a bunch of memories are just hitting me from all directions. Like the first
time I ever came here looking for Brian, and well I have to smile at that cause the whole sex upstairs thing was so
very hot. God I was just aching for him, and when he finally took me in his arms I felt so much more at peace about
everything else in my life. There's also of course all the times that Deb was there for me, being a mother for me.
Loving me, taking me into her home, looking after me, helping me make the right decisions and standing by me and
my choices. Then there’s Vic and the way he tried to look out for me as a father figure. I'd be so proud to call him
my father. Then there’s also all
of Michael’s whining and complaining about how that's ‘his room’ and ‘my best friend’ and blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah. I swear every chance he got he just had to remind me that I didn't belong here. Fuck I'm going to have to deal
with him tonight and I know it won't be pretty. Ah let’s get this over with. And with that I open the door and get
bombarded with laughter and frenzy that only this little group can produce. It's great....

"Jusin.....Jusin" I hear Gus calling me. I look over towards the couch and I see Gus making a beeline for me. God
I'm going to miss this little guy. Besides his father of course, Gus means the world to me. I crouch down and hold
out my arms, when he flings himself into me I give him a squeeze, stand up and spin him around. He loves this and
he's just all out laughing, and squealing. I stop and put him down and he giggles at the way the ground moves under
him afterwards. Plus it's funny to watch him waddle around. I know… how mean huh?

When I look over to the living room I see that everyone is staring at me, they all look very uncomfortable. Maybe
coming here was an all around bad idea. Michael must have told them all what I've done and who it was that I was
talking to last night. Either way it really doesn't matter now cause I'm here, and I have to make the most out of this.
So I give a small smile to everyone and say "hey". They in return of course give those awkward smiles and hello's
back. But it's not the same as it used to be. Well if this is any indication of the way they feel about me it should be
very easy to disappear from their lives. After about five minutes of awkward silence, Deb decides to chime in.
Thank you god.

"Well I guess we should all move on into the kitchen."

Okay good, we can get this started now. Everyone starts to get up and move to the kitchen when good old Mikey
asks the question.

"Don't you think we should wait for Brian?"

Okay here we go. "I asked him not to come." Michael whips around as expected.

"What the fuck right do you have to ask Brian not to come to his own families’ dinner? It's you who shouldn't be
here."

Yep I knew that was coming.

"Michael!!" Deb yells out. "Justin is just as much part of this family as any of us. So you need to just stay the fuck
out of what goes on between them. It's none of your business…got it?" Deb to the rescue once again. She can be a
great buffer sometimes, that is when she's not butting her nose into others peoples business. But hey, I'm not going
to complain about this one.

"Got it." Michael says in a not so nice voice.

"Alright then" Deb says as she turns back towards the kitchen, we all follow her in and take up our respective seats.
"Since this is all of us tonight let’s go ahead and dig in." She gets the lasagna and starts serving everyone up. After
she's done, she takes her seat and stares me in the eye. "Now Sunshine, I may have let you get away with Brian not
being here this time, but this isn't going to become a habit. No matter what's going on with you two you are both a
part of this family. So you’re just going to have to figure out a way to get over whatever is going on, got it?"

Well I knew that was coming too. I nod my head and "I know Deb. This was a onetime deal. It won't happen again, I
promise."

We all start eating and no one is talking. I'm just pushing my food around, and watching all of them. I wanna
remember them. I'm also feeling the emptiness in the chair next to me, that's where Brian should be. I'm mostly
watching Gus. I've spent so much time with the little man. This may sound silly but I love him as much as if he was
my own. I would give my life for him, no questions asked. I must have zoned out cause before I know it, Deb is
getting up and is starting to take everyone’s plates away. When she gets
to me she notices that I haven't eaten a bite, what can I say, I haven't had an appetite since I saw Brian and Ethan
sitting in that booth together. I just can't seem to get myself to eat. Every time I try, I feel like I'm going to throw up.
So I just don't eat. However Deb is not going to like the fact that I'm not eating.....

"Sunshine......you didn't even touch your food." She's got that worried look. "Why?" Huh? I figured she'd just ream
me and start shoveling the food down my throat.

"I had a late lunch Deb that's all." I'm lying through my teeth here, and I know she knows it cause she's got this look
of ‘yeah fucking right’. Hand on her hip and shaking her head. Oh yeah… she knows.

"Alright then" wow she's being extremely easy on me tonight. I'm eternally grateful for this. However I know it's not
going to last all night. So I think I'm going to get to it. Everyone is all settled with their desserts. Chocolate cake. It's
one of my favorites but right now it's making my stomach flip flop. Yuck....

"I'm going to be leaving town." I say and everyone just stops and looks up.

"Oh yeah? Where ya off to?" this is from Lindsey. She's not looking so uncomfortable anymore.

"A little road trip." I say simply. But of course this isn't good enough.

"Oh really?" Em says. He's got a big ol' smile. "Where all are you planning on going sweetie?"

"Anywhere….everywhere, I don't have any set destinations right now."

"Well it sounds exciting. When are you coming back?" Oh there's the big question and I thought that I'd tell the truth
but that would just be too hard and it wouldn't ensure the fact that I'd get out of here so I'm going with the lie. What's
one more?

"I'll be back before next semester starts."

"Well you’re going to have so much fun. I love road trips. It's very liberating." Em says. I love that man he's is one
of the sweetest people with one of the biggest hearts I've ever meet.
"Yeah I can't wait to get going....." but Mikey cuts me off. "Are you taking the little fiddler with you?" Ah fuck, I
close my eyes and remember that I only have to be here for a little bit longer and then I won't have to deal with this
fucker ever again.


"No I'm not taking him with me. I'm going by myself." Well we're back to the awkward silence again. Great. No one
will even look at me anymore. I excuse myself and head for the bathroom. I need a second to get my head back on
straight. I splash some water on my face. I take a couple of deep breaths, but that's it, I need to get this finished. So I
open up the door to find guess who? Oh yes that's right Mikey. With a nice little scowl and arms wrapped tightly
around his chest.

"May I?" I ask motioning towards the stairs.

"No you may not....." I nod I guess I'll just let him get this out. "I can't believe you. Brian gave you everything and
this is how you repay him? You are nothing but a cheap whore. I told him not to trust you I told him exactly what
you were about, but he wouldn't listen to me. You made him think he was responsible for you. So he took you in and
paid for everything you needed. You never gave him anything but grief, you never did anything but whine and
complain, about oh poor me. I got hit in the head with a bat. Boo hoo hoo. Well guess what…we all would have
been better off if Brain had left you on that garage floor, especially Brian. You are nothing but trouble. So I suggest
that when you leave here, you never come back. This is not your family. No one feels comfortable with you here.
We only tolerated you because of Brian. So do us all a favor and just let us get back to our lives. Stop fucking up
everything for everybody."

I can't believe he just said all that to me. Wow I knew he hated me, but is this what everyone thinks of me? I mean,
maybe it’s cause of the way everyone was looking at me, and the tension in the room when I walked in. Maybe I just
never noticed it before. Maybe I was always too focused on Brian and myself that I just never noticed. Well I guess
this really is for the best then.

"You don't have to worry anymore. I'm never coming back to the Pittsburgh." I know my voice is a little husky. But
I just can't hold it all in it's a lot to realize that what you considered family were just a bunch of people who tolerated
you.

"Finally. God it only took you tearing every one apart before you got it. Well good riddance. I really truly hope you
live a miserable, lonely life you little fuck. Because that's what you deserve." And with that, he turned and walked
down the stairs. I know I deserved that, and he really has just opened my eyes. I guess he's just the only one who has
the balls to tell me the truth. Wow. I think it's time for me to make my exit. I walk back down stairs and wipe away
my tears. No one needs to see them. I turn towards the kitchen to start saying my goodbyes, when I see how happy
they all look. No awkward silence, they're all laughing and joking. Gus is giggling away while he's stuffing his face
with the cake. It's all over him. This is how I want to remember them. Happy, laughing, Gus with cake all over his
face…a family. So instead of ruining it by making my presence known, cause once they see me this will all go back
to the awkward silence, I'm just going to slip out the door with this memory intact. I back up, turn around, grab my
coat and slowly open the door and step outside and ever so quietly close the door behind me. Ah air. I can breathe
again. I throw my coat on and make my way over to my car, but before I get in I turn around and say my goodbyes
to everyone inside. What can I say, even if they all just tolerated me, I still love them all, even Mikey. He's only ever
told me the truth. He's tried to warn me I don't know how many times, and even though he told Brian about Ethan
and I, I know that he was just trying to help Brian. I don't blame him. If I’d had caught Daphne's boyfriend doing
what I did, I most likely would've done the same thing. It doesn't matter anymore. My time with them is over and
they can all go back to their lives. I get into my car and head over to Daph's place. I get up to her apartment and let
myself in with the key she gave me. The apartment is empty so I move over to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.
There on the fridge is a note. I open up the water, take a quick drink and read the note.

'Hey Jus, I had to go out to the library, I'm not sure when I'll be back cause I have a lot to do and the paper is due
tomorrow. If you need me though just call my cell, I'll leave it on vibrate. I love you and I'm sorry I couldn't be there
for you when you got home. I'll see you when I get back.
Love ya

Daph'

I love this girl. I couldn't ask for a better best friend. She'd do anything for me even sacrifice her grades. She doesn't
know that I'm leaving town. She thinks that I'm staying here. I didn't have the heart to tell her. Plus I don't think
she'd let me leave. See it would be too hard to stay here in this city. So close to him, he wants his life back but I
don't think I could stay away and not beg to come back if we ran into each other again. Plus, the family obviously
doesn't want me around. It's just best this way for everyone. Including me. Humph? You know what I just thought
of? My computer is already here, I got my car, Daphne is at the library, and I’ve said all my goodbyes to the family.
I can always leave Daph, and my mom a note. It will be easier that way. They'd never let me do this. Well this is just
all sorta perfect.

So I go and grab my bags and take them down to the car. Go back up and grab some paper and a pencil. I sit down
and start writing my letters.

'Hey mom, listen I don't want you to worry about me. I just need some time to work my life out right now. I'm not
sure if I'm going to be coming back to Pittsburgh. But when I do get settled I'll let you know where I am. I love you
mom take good care of yourself and Molly, and mom, tell her I love her ok? Talk to you soon mom.

Love you,

Justin'

Woo that's one down.

'Daphne,

Well I know you are probably steaming right now but I needed to do this and I knew you'd never let me. I'm going
to call you when I get settled somewhere. So try not to hate me for too long. I love you Daph, take good care of
yourself and if you could give that letter to my mom I'd appreciate it. I guess that's it. Thank you Daph for being
there for me the last couple of days, I couldn't have made it without you.
Love you,
Jus'

I write another letter to Brian, this one I'll send out through the post office though. I fold that one up and stick it in
an envelope and put it in my pocket. I grab my computer and head out. I lock her door and leave the key with the
manager. I get everything put in my car and head over to the post office. I get the other papers for Brian and Mikey
and put those into the envelope as well, seal it up buy a stamp and send it off. I get back into my car, hit the road and
head for the highway. I can't believe I got all that accomplished in one day. I'm completely on my own now. I stop
and decide, why not try going left......

Chapter 5: How Realization Hits

Brian's POV:

After I left Daphne's apartment, I decided to just drive. I don't remember where I went, I don't remember how I got
home. All I know is I managed to get home in one piece. So now I've been pacing the floor of the loft for about two
hours. I haven't been able to stop. I know why I'm anxious, I just wish I could do something about it. See Justin is
going to a family dinner all by himself. I'm not sure how our little 'family' is going to receive him. Cause I know that
with as big a mouth as Mikey has, everyone is going to know what's been going on in our relationship lately. Justin
and I could never just have our own private life, it always involved the entire family. They always had to put their
two cents in, always telling us to do it this way or do it that way or of course making fun of the big bad Brian

Kinney for one reason or another. But I think the kicker was when they made bets on how long we'd last. Can you
believe that? I mean yeah, I know I had doubts, I had known that we wouldn't last. That one day I'd have to push
him away if he didn't walk away on his own. But this was for his own good, they were doing it and assuming it for
totally different reasons. They were doing it cause they believed I didn't love Justin, that I didn't really want him
with me. That is so far from the truth, it's not even funny. The little fucks!!!

Buzz......buzz!! Agh!!! Who the fuck could that possibly be? I'll just ignore it and maybe they'll go away. I swear
that buzzer has gone off at least 10 more times. What the fuck....I finally decide to give whoever is down there a
piece of my mind.....

"Whoever the fuck is down there get the fuck away from my door now before I call the cops, or I'll come down there
and kick the living shit out of you myself!!!!!"

"Brian!! Brian wait!!" Aha of course, Mikey. Who else would it be? God I don't want to do this tonight.....although
maybe I can find out what happened at dinner tonight. I hit the buzzer to let him in not even bothering to say a word.
I open up the loft door, and move over to my little haven, the wet bar!! I pour myself about a half a glass full of
beam and sit on the couch just as Mikey is running up to the loft landing. I don't even look over at him.

"Jesus...Brian why the fuck weren't you answering your buzzer?" he asks a little winded. I look over at him.

"Well Mikey, most likely when someone doesn't answer their door it means that they don't want to be disturbed." I
say in a very sarcastic voice.

"Well I'm glad you answered. I mean fuck, how dare that little fucker tell you that you can't come to your family's
dinner," I whip my head around trying my damnedest to keep my anger under control. I hate it when he does this
shit!

"Look Mikey he asked me not to come. It was no big deal." I'm trying to play it off, and I'm hoping that he'll leave it
alone. Praying he'll leave it alone. "Please leave it alone Mikey. It's not a big deal, he said it was a onetime thing."

"Damn right it was a onetime thing! I made damn sure of that!"

What the fuck is he talking about?

"What the fuck are you talking about?" My anger is starting to show. I don't even think he realizes this. What the
fuck did he do?

"I told you Brian, I told you that he was just trouble, a spoiled little brat!!" He's starting to pace now and I stand up.
"But you wouldn't listen to me. You let him manipulate you Brian, and I'm sorry that I didn't stop it sooner. I
should've taken care of the little shit sooner." He's practically mumbling now. What the fuck is going on? "I finally
made sure he saw the truth Brian you won’t ever have to worry about him again."

"Really what did you do?" I ask in a very calm voice, which is extremely hard but this is the only way I'm going to
get the whole truth out of him. He finally stops pacing, he was starting to make me dizzy and looks me in the eye.

"I told him that he was nothing but a cheap whore that you only kept him around because he made you feel
responsible for his own fucked up life. I told him that after everything you did for him all he did was take from you
and lie to you, and cheat on you. I told him he is totally fucked I told him the truth about how all of us feel about
him that we only tolerated him because of you but now nobody feels comfortable with him around.
So when he had told us about this little road trip he was having, I told him that he should never come back, that he
should just stop fucking up our lives, and leave us the fuck alone."

Oh my god!! He didn't.. how could he do this? I think I'm in shock. "What did he say?" my voice is a little shaky. I
can't help it.

"He said not to worry he was never coming back." Michael has actually got a small smile on his face. I can't believe
this, Justin said he wasn't coming back!. My eyes must be popping out of my head and I can feel tears coming to the
surface. I open my mouth a couple times but, I can't seem to say anything, I don't even know what to say. I finally
get my voice to work...

"I..." but he cuts me off.

"God isn't that great? We can finally be rid of him Brian. But I think I was right when I told him you..heck all of us
would've been better off if you'd just left him on that garage floor....."

Before I know it I have my hands around his throat and I'm slamming him against the closest beam. "You asshole,
how dare you?" He's got fear in his eyes......he should!

"Brian..." he's grabbing at my hands but they aren't budging, I don't think I could even pry them from his throat right
now if I wanted to.

"What the fuck were you thinking saying those things to him? You were there that night, I let you see how much he
means to me...I let you see everything that night. I trusted you with that. So you wish I'd have let my baby die huh?
You stupid fuck!" I squeeze a little harder to let him get the feel of death, just the tiniest bit. I want him to know
what he wished upon my baby." He's the love of my life.....you know that. Yet you tell him these lies, you tell him
he isn't welcome in his family, you make him give up and lose another family?" How could he do this? "You are
nothing but a lousy little fuck who can't get over the fact that I will never love you like I love Justin. You could
never be to me what Justin is.... you are too much of a whiny, conniving, worthless piece of shit....do you hear? Are
you listening to me?" he nods his head. I doubt he could make any kind of verbal response with my hands around his
throat like they are.

"I never want to talk to you again. If you see me I suggest you run in the other direction, and you better hope I get to
Justin before he leaves otherwise I'd hate to see what I do to you. One more thing and this is very important, if you
ever so much as look at Justin again I will make sure you regret it for the rest of your life!" I'm screaming at him
now. "Do you understand me?" he nods but for this it's not good enough. "Answer me!!!"

"Yes" he barely breathes it out. I slowly let go of his throat, and let him fall into a heap on the floor.

"You need to get your fucking ass off my floor now, and get out before I decide to throw your ass down the stairs." I
say. His head whips up to look at me and I see the hurt in his eyes. Right now I could give fuck about his feelings, I
just want him out of my sight. "GET OUT!!!!" He quickly gets to his feet and puts his hand to his throat, oh yeah
he's going to have marks. But that's nothing compared to what I'll do to him if Justin leaves town or does something
stupid.

"I can't believe your choosing him over me?" he had the nerve to talk to me.

"I will always choose him over you. I can't believe I was stupid enough to let you say things to him to hurt him the
way you did. Well it will never happen again. You will never hurt him again. When I see him I will make sure he
knows I love him and, that he's my life, that I will never let a sniveling little shit like you get near him again...I will
never let anyone hurt him again! Now get the fuck out of here before I decide to finish what I started." I say with
absolutely disgust in my voice. I can't believe I have been best friends with a person like this. I can't believe I didn't
see how far gone he was. More importantly I don't know why I allowed him to berate Justin. God I am one fucked
up individual. Well guess what. all bets are off now. I'm going to make this right, I'm going to tell him everything.
All my thoughts and everything that I should've said a long time ago. I'm going to make him happy and keep him
safe. I can't believe it has taken this happening to get me to realize that I'd do anything for my baby. "ANYTHING!"
I have to get to him. Oh god please let everything be ok. I grab my keys from the counter, and close and lock the loft
door. I run all the way to the Jeep muttering aloud and praying he's not gone.

Before I know it I'm standing at Daphne's front door banging on it...god what's taking so long? I must have broken
every traffic law getting over here.

"Brian?" I hear Daphne's voice. I turn and I see her walking towards me with books and keys in her hands. "What
are you doing here....and why are you trying to break down my door?" She's moving over to the door and unlocking
it.

"I need to see Justin, I've been lying to him. I didn't mean what I told him, I was just scared and I thought I couldn't
give him what he wanted. But some things have come to my attention and have made me realize that I'd do anything
for him.everything for him to make him happy. I love him and no matter what it takes, I'll make sure that we work
things out!" I say this without even taking a breath. Wow I really can do this. I have to smile cause god the look on
Daphne's face is absolute shock. I look down at the floor and when I look up Daphne is jumping into my arms.
Whoa, what's this all about?

"Brian you stupid shit" I can't believe I allow her to get away with calling me something like that but in all reality
she's right, even though I'll never admit it. "Thank god you came to your sense's" she says, lowering herself back to
the floor. "I just wish you could've done it before doing what you did to Justin. You broke his heart making him
think you didn't love him, saying that he wasn't making you happy. I mean, he went to the family dinner tonight to
tell them he was going on a road trip just so he could give you back your life. That's how much he loves you." she's
moving over to the fridge now.

"So that was a lie?" I ask with so much hope in my voice. Please let that have been just a lie. Well it really doesn't
matter cause whatever was happening before is all going to change once I see him. Both of our lives are going to be
different, wonderfully different. She turns towards me with a smile. That's a good sign.

"Yes. It was a lie he's was going to be staying with me, but I guess now that's all going to change. He just wanted
you to be happy Brian. He was willing to do whatever it took, so he was walking away from them." she stands in
front of the table and picks up a letter.....

"Thank god! Well he already makes me happy. I think it's time I start making him happy." I say with my own smile.
Ah I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest....everything is going to be fine. I'll wait for Justin to get back, I'll
tell him everything, and I mean everything! I'll tell him how much I love him how much I need him, then I'll beg for
forgiveness to get him back with me where he belongs. I start to sit down on the couch when I hear a gasp from
Daphne. I stand straight up again and look over at her. She has gotten extremely pale, Oh god no. "What's wrong" I
ask. Please don't let it be what I think it is.

"He..... he left. He's not coming back." Thank you god, it's not a suicide note. But wait, did she just say he's not
coming back? I thought she said that was a lie? I finally make myself walk over to her and she hands me the note.
Oh my god this says he'll call when he gets settled somewhere.

"Oh fuck!" she's full on crying now. So I take her in my arms, and rub her back. I tell her. "Everything is going to be
ok Daph. We're going to find him and we are going to bring him back where he belongs. I'm so sorry I did this, I
thought it was for the best but I just.I can't live without him." I pull her back so I can see her eyes and she can see
mine. So she'll know I mean this. "We are going to find him. I'll hire a private detective. We'll have him back here in
no time." I try and give her a smile but it doesn't quite come out. She nods her head and gives a couple of sniffles.
"Oh wait! Phone, phone I need a phone." I have to stop myself Jesus.. I have a phone. I reach into my coat pocket
grab my phone and hit speed dial one.

"We're sorry but the number you are trying to reach is no longer in service......"

"FUCK!"I yell. While I close up the phone.

"What, what's wrong?"

"He had his phone disconnected or he just changed the number." she's staring at me and I'm a little lost right now.
Look at what I've done. I wanna cry and I can feel the tears threatening to come out but I'm holding onto them as
tightly as I can. I don't want to have a break down in front of Daphne.

"Well you’re not going to give up on him are you, you’re still going hire a private eye if you have to right? I mean
you’re not just going to let him go? Are you?" she sounds desperate, and scared.

"I'm going to do everything in my power to get him back, I don't want to spend another day that I don't have to away
from him. I'll do whatever it takes." She nods her head.

"Good because Brian, he was torn apart after you two broke up. I don't know if he can do this on his own, I'm
scared." And she really does look scared. That gets me even more worried, if anything ever happened to him, I don't
know if I could make it through that. I doubt I'd want to.

I shake my head . "No Daphne, he is the strongest person I know, he will make it through until I can find him and
make all this right. He has to. I can't lose him like that."

"Ok Brian. So what do we do now?"

"Alright, there is something I have to take care of really quick, but you have my cell phone number. If he calls you,
get him to tell you where he is and try to get his cell phone number so I can call him back okay?" she nods her head

"Ok."

"Ok." I give her big hug and I move over to the door. "It's going to be alright."

"I know."

With that I leave. There's someone I need to take care of.

I pull up outside of the diner and I see the whole gang is here so I get out and make my way inside. Nobody notices
me at first, they are too busy doing the whole 'oh poor Michael, Brian is a monster' thing. Well let's just see about
that, it's time to set them straight on the facts. I get over to Michael and instinct takes over. I punch him right in the
jaw. Before anyone has a chance to stop me, I grab him around the throat. I can faintly hear people screaming at me,
but the pain and anger inside me are the only things that seem to matter.

"ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? HE LEFT. AND HE LEFT THINKING THAT THE WHOLE FAMILY WOULD'VE
BEEN BETTER OFF IF I'D LEFT HIM TO DIE ON THE GARAGE FLOOR. HE LEFT THINKING THAT HIS
FAMILY COULDN'T STAND HIM! HE LEFT THINKING I DIDN'T LOVE HIM"

They finally pry me off of him and the whole family is looking between us. This is the first they are learning of this
but I was not about to let Michael get away with it. With letting them think he'd done nothing wrong.

What the fuck is he talking about Michael?" Debbie asks hands on her hip with a 'don't you even think about
bullshitting me' look.

"All I did was tell him the truth." Michael says, he's such a little shit!

"No what he told him was that he was just tolerated by all of you for my sake, that you didn't love him and he should
leave and never come back." Deb takes this time to smack Michael upside his head the hardest I have ever seen her
do it. His head almost hits the table from the force.
"That's not even all of it. He called him a cheap whore." Everyone gasps at that. Yeah that's the same way I felt.
"But hold on we're not done, we haven't even gotten to the best part of it yet, he told him......he told him that I, that
we all would've been better off if I had let him die in that parking garage." I rub my eyes and everyone is just so
stunned. I don't know what to do.

"How could you", "how dare you", "you little bastard" these comments fly out of all their mouths, I'm not even sure
which is coming from whom. All of the sudden, Lindsay smacks Michael, wow I wasn't expecting that. I don't think
anyone else was either cause everyone has shocked looks on their faces.

"I can't believe you Michael, you had no right to speak for me or any of us. You are just a jealous pathetic little man
who wanted what Justin had. You may be older than he is, but he is twice the man that you will ever be. Now we are
leaving, and I suggest you pray that Justin comes home in one piece cause if he doesn't, I'm holding you
responsible." This is the most frighteningly calm voice I have ever heard in my life, hell she even scared me. She
gets up and leaves but Mel goes on to say..

"I can't believe that you would be so cruel to someone who has never done anything to you." With that she gets up
and walks out. I look over to Deb and she's got tears running down her face. She hasn't said anything yet and I'm not
sure what's going on in her mind. Ted and Emmett get up out of the other booth and Ted doesn't say anything he just
shakes his head and walks out of the diner. I knew however, that Em wouldn't be happy with this...

"All he ever wanted was to be loved and to give love in return. He never did anything to you Michael. You had
nothing to do with what happened between him and Brian. You should've just left it alone. You should've gotten
over your petty jealousy and tried to help them be happy together like any real best friend would've done but you
couldn't. You and your stupid unrealistic fantasies of Brian and you together took center stage.
You disgust me." With that he pats my shoulder and turns to leave. At this time Ben pushes Michael out of the booth
and gets up he starts to head for the door,

"Ben where are you going?" Michael asks in a pleading voice.

"I can't be here right now. I need to really think some things over. I'll give you a call when I figure some stuff out."
and then he's gone too. Michael looks at me with anger in his eyes.

"What the fuck is wrong with all of you? Look at all Justin has done to us, to me. Look at all the things he has taken
away from me, and yet you all stand by him like he's some innocent little angel." Oh no, no, no!

"You...."Deb says, tears running down her face." You weren't raised this way. You were raised to love and cherish
each and every life. How did you learn such hate? Where did I go wrong that you could say such things to a person?
Not to mention the fact that it's the person your best friend loves,that you've know for almost two years. He helped
you make your dream come true Michael. He doesn't even really like comic books, but he did it because he thought
you two were friends. He never once tried to take Brian from you. In fact, he got you two back together from what
you told me after your 30th birthday. Yet you still held all of this hatred for him. You know I always thought that it
was Brian's fault for leading you on, for you never having a boyfriend that would stick around. But then I learned
something after the whole David thing and then when Ben finally came along. He was just looking out for you, he
knew David wasn't right for you so he tried to protect you, I didn't see it but he did. Then when Ben came along he
totally stepped aside. He knew Ben was good for you so he didn't interfere. Now look at what you've done because
you let jealousy and hate run your life. You've probably lost Ben and you have driven Sunshine away. You have
disappointed me in more ways than I can count today Michael." she turns around and heads the back of the diner.
Michael hasn't taken his eyes off the table since his mom started talking. Good maybe that got through to him. I turn
to leave but I feel a hand on my arm so I stop and take a breath and turn around.

"Look maybe I shouldn't have said some of the things I said, but you can't let him come between us like this." I give
a snort and I can't believe this.

"He never came between us. Never. But....you did." I yank my arm free and turn and leave.

I finally get back to the loft and I head over to the bar and get myself a tall glass of beam. I really need something to
calm my nerves right now. My baby's gone. I down the glass and it really burns going down I wince at the burn. I
have to get him back. I grab my phone and look over at the computer desk for the phone book. I look up private
investigators. 'Wow there are a lot of these guys.'

"Who to chose?" I think I'll try this one......

Chapter 6: For All You've Done

Justin's POV:

"Well this isn't such a bad place." I had finally decided to stay at this little rinky dink hotel off the side of the
freeway. I had been driving for a while and I just felt like I needed to stop. I feel totally and completely drained.
Emotionally, physically, everything. Not even after the bashing did I feel this emotionally drained. I think it was
because I was never alone. I had my mom, my friends and most importantly I had Brian who helped me through it
all. This time I don't have any of those things. It's a little strange to be all alone, I mean I have never really been
alone I always had at least Daphne by my side. But this time, this time I have done too much and it's not fair to put
them in the middle of it. They are really good to me.....too good to me and I don't deserve all that they would do for
me. They would put their lives on hold to be there for me. They shouldn't have to do that and I won't let them. So I
made sure that no one could track me if they try to find me. I cancelled my cell phone, closed my checking account
after I cashed Tony's check, I never had a credit card so it's not like they could find me that way. I will call them
eventually when I find a place to stay, as long as I have my head on straight that is. I don't want them to hear
anything alarming in my voice. I won't let them know. From now on it's just me. I remember Brian used to say that
to me all the time in the beginning "you're all you have." I'm starting to understand that now.

I shake my head to try and stop the thoughts that are running through there, but so far since I left Pittsburgh it hasn't
helped. My head has been spinning non- stop. I'm thinking of my life and what it's come down to. I probably had
what one could consider the best childhood anyone could dream of. I had a father and mother who would do
anything for me. At that time they loved me no matter what. They protected me, and helped me through the bad
times and of course, they were there for the good times. All the award ceremonies, all the family vacations, every
holiday, even the simple times are standing out in my mind. Fishing with my dad, learning to cook with my mom,
giving my sister hell just cause I could.

But mostly my mind is stuck on the last two years. It keeps on going in this circle, it's like it won't stop, it won't slow
down. I'm seeing Brian for the first time, I'm dancing with Brian for the first time, making lo......fucking Brian for
the first time.

I go over and lay down on the bed.

Right before Brian and I started that whole 'non relationship' thing, as a matter of fact it was the day I found out that
the dean was going to let me stay in school; well anyways we were at Deb's for dinner with the whole family of
course. I was horny so I gave Brian a little hint for us to go out back and make out or fuck or whatever. We went but
before we could get all the way out the door we heard them making their snide remarks and little jokes that we've
become accustom to. But then they decided to take it a step farther by placing bets on how long we'd last. Brian saw
how my face fell so he led me from the doorway; we went around to the front, got into the jeep and headed for the
loft. Neither one of us said anything the entire drive. I was too scared cause I figured he was pissed that they'd
assume anything as far as us being in a relationship.....I wonder if that's why he decided to try the whole 'non
relationship'. That would explain so much. That must be it, he must have wanted to prove them wrong, to show them
that he could do anything he wanted. Plus I'm sure that he felt sorry for me and guilty too of course. But anyways
when we got back to the loft I went straight to the bedroom, got undressed and climbed in bed. I figured after them
throwing the word 'relationship' out there Brian would've run for the hills or more precisely Babylon.......but he
didn't. He undressed, flipped on the blue lights and slid into bed with me. I was lying on my side facing away from
him. Finally after a couple of minutes Brian put his hand on my shoulder and gently rolled me over to my back, he
got up on his elbow and stared at me for a couple of minutes running his finger over his bottom lip. When he didn't
say anything and when I couldn't handle the eye contact anymore, I looked up at the ceiling and closed my eyes. I
didn't know what to say and I didn't know what he was thinking so I figured the best thing to do was just try and let
it all go. Then he kissed me. It was one of the softest kisses I have ever felt in my life. He put his hand on my side
and slowly turned me onto my side. He got an arm under my head and then wrapped the other around my waist and
pulled me to him tightly. We wrapped our legs around each other and I remember thinking right then that no one
could ever hurt me, that he would never let anyone hurt me.

I know that at that moment I felt it, but I can't seem to remember the feeling now. I do know it was wonderful while
it lasted.

In our time together we never had very many tender sex sessions but this was one of them. He kept his hands flat on
my back holding me tightly while he gave me slow, soft kisses. We let our tongues slowly trace the lines in each
other's mouths. He placed soft kisses all over my face, along my jaw and over to my ear. He knows how much I love
it when he kisses the outside of my ear. I shuttered under him and moaned. I can't help myself when he does that. I
need to touch him so I place my hand on his face and lightly drag my fingertips across and around it. I know every
inch of his face of his body but I still get a rush just touching him. He makes his way down to my neck
with open-mouthed kisses slightly licking every inch of my neck; I turn my head so he has better access to the other
side. He slightly turns his body away, but doesn't stop kissing and licking my neck. When he comes back against me
I hear him flip open the lube, a second later I feel him slowly run his lubed fingers down my crack to my hole where
he makes circles around it till I'm squirming and pushing myself against his fingers.

Then finally he slips one finger in, I feel myself jerk towards his fingers and I gasp. He slips another in and
continues to loosen me. I pull his face to me so I can kiss him. It's a slow kiss filled with passion and need. He slips
another finger in and I moan into the kiss. After another minute of him fingering me, he slowly slips them out and
pulls away from our kiss. He looks at me for a minute before he hands me the condom. I open it and roll it over his
cock, god it's so hard and so thick. When I get it on I pull his face to mine for another kiss, it doesn't last long. When
he pulls away he kisses me on my forehead and rolls me onto my back. He crawls on top of me keeping his weight
on his elbows as I wrap my legs around his waist bringing him down to me, opening myself to him as much as I can.
I wrap my arms around his back and lightly rub up and down. Brian runs his hands over my face and moves my hair
from my forehead and kisses there. I feel him breathe in deeply and slowly let it out. "Mmmm." I hear and then he
gets up on his knees a bit and places his dick at my hole slowly pushing in while he looks down into my eyes. When
he is all the way inside of me he stops, letting me adjust. I'm panting a little, he's so long and so thick it always hurts
a bit. When I'm ready I rotate my hips to let him know, he pulls back slowly, almost all the way out, then just as
slowly comes back in till I'm full with his cock again. He continues like this bringing me to the limits and making
me shake all over. When he knows I'm going to come he stops and kisses me deep and long till I'm panting and out
of breath. Then he starts again. Finally when I can't take anymore, when I feel like I'm going to burst with pleasure
and pain, when I can't stop shaking from the pure bliss, "Bri, please........" I barely whisper my plea. He kisses me,
picking up the speed. I've got my eyes closed and my head is lolling back and forth while I claw at his back and try
to push him to me with my legs. He puts his hands on my face to hold it still and tells me "open your eyes, I want to
see you when I make you come." I force myself to open my eyes and I look into his eyes. He leans down and softly
kisses me while he continues with the same slow torturous pace, hitting my prostate with every thrust. I'm moaning
and still clawing at his back and trying to get him deeper into me, trying to make him go faster. This is just so
hard.......I feel myself spiraling towards my orgasm shaking, and begging. "Please...please let me cum....." and
yes..... "Oh....... god........ yes!!!!" I scream and he slams into me over and over again going harder and faster. "OH
BRIAN!!!!" I scream. I feel myself shoot over and over again. Suddenly he's barely moving and he falls over the
edge as well "Jus!......mmmm baby!"he buries himself in me and puts his forehead against mine while his orgasm
moves through him. Finally he lets himself lay down on me keeping just enough weight on his elbows so he doesn't
crush me and buries his face into my neck. Sighing...... "mmm." I say. I love the way his weight feels on top of me.
So I hold onto him keeping him there for as long as he'll let me. I could stay like this forever. I feel his cock slip free
and soon after I hear his breathing even out. I smiled a little. This is the first time he ever let me hold him like this,
and on top of that he even fell asleep this way.......

I had fallen asleep shortly after that and when I woke up the next morning it was to him on top of me kissing me
awake. We had another round then but that time was wild, hard, and fast. So good. Sex was always the best with
Brian, no one could ever compare, nobody. Every time I would ever have sex with anyone, Brian was there. I would
in the end, imagine that it was him I was with. I never meant it to happen that way but my subconscious would make
it happen. I'm pretty sure it's going to be that way for the rest of my life no matter who I'm with and no matter where
I'm at he'll always be there. Just like he wanted. I wonder if he knew what it would be like for me to have him
always there every time I was with another person? I doubt he ever knew the effect he had on me, the way he is
imbedded into my body and mind. It's better that he doesn't.

I'm lying in this bed in some fucking hotel and I should be asleep with how exhausted I've been from everything
going on, but I just can't seem to go to sleep. My mind won't shut up and I just know I'm not going to sleep tonight.

"Argh!" what am I going to do......so I laid there thinking about everything and nothing until I saw the sun come up.
My body finally shut off after that. It didn't last long though cause I was having this dream where I was in this dark
place and I couldn't move and all I could hear was Brian's voice somewhere in the distance..."I followed your
rules.....while you broke every single one of them and I'm just thinking how fucking stupid all this is. What I said at
the beginning I meant. There are no locks on our doors were together because we wanna be. But you, you were
obviously not happy and yet you still stayed making both of us miserable in the process. So I'm putting an end to it
now. I want my life back, and I mean I want it back to the way it was before you came along......can you give me
that Justin, can you give me back my life?" That woke me up really quick with tears running down my face. I know
these words are going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I let myself cry for a while before I got up to go find
myself somewhere to live. I have an idea of where I want to go, I think it will suit me just fine so that's where I'm
headed. Chicago......


*********************************************************************

Brian's POV:

I didn't sleep much last night I spent most of the night pacing the loft. Wondering if Justin was safe, if he did
anything stupid, if he was sleeping, wondering what he must be thinking. Hoping that this P.I. guy I talked to last
night is going to be able to find my baby fast....today would be good. I told him everything that I know about him;
name, social security, medical numbers and information. I told him about his little run away to New York too. So he
says we'll start there, he thinks it's the most likely place being he's an artist and because he has run there before, plus
Jus was always talking about wanting to go back there so I figure it's probably where he would go. I'm hoping
anyway since that's where we're starting.

The phone has been ringing off the hook for the past hour with everyone wanting to know if I've heard from Justin.
With every ring my heart jumps into my throat and every time that it isn't him, my heart clenches and I feel like I'm
going to throw up. I finally changed the outgoing message on my machine to say, "Justin if this is you baby please
don't hang up. Please come home. I'm sorry I was so wrong I just didn't realize it till it was too late, I'm sorry just
please come home and I'll fix this I promise.....if this is the PI please leave a message and I'll get back to you. If this
is anyone else stop fucking calling...I'll call you as soon as I know something." I hope that works otherwise I'm
going to start killing each and every one of my 'family' members. I just can't take all the ups and downs their calls
are putting me through.

After I got calls back from every family member again, the calls seemed to stop all together. The only problem with
them not calling is now there is no one calling. Justin still hasn't called, which I'm almost positive he won't. I hate
knowing that. I hate the fact that Michaels' not the only one who caused Justin to leave. I'm the one who really did
this. I told him I wanted out, that I wanted my old pathetic life back. "What was I thinking?" What if I don't find
him? What if he does something because of what I said or what Michael said? Or because he thinks he doesn't have
a family, or that he's not loved? How could I do this? Let him believe all those things I said to him? I don't know if I
can keep on going forever without him. I have to find him. I think I'm going to call Daphne and see if she's heard
anything since yesterday. 'Ring.......'

"Justin......Jus is that you?"

"No Daph.....it's me Brian. I'm sorry."

"Brian did you hear from him? Did you get a call from the P.I.? Did they find him?" she's sounds overwhelmed.

"No, no Daph I was calling to see if you had heard from him."

"No I haven't heard from him yet. You know as soon as I do you'll be the first person I call."

"I know, and I'll call you if he calls me. Which I doubt he will, but if he does......" I say in a small voice.

"You never know Brian. He loves you, so if you get any no talker calls.....you better make the most of them, blurt
out everything you need to, to get him to come home to us."

"I know and I will. I'll do whatever it takes."

"I know you will. Ok I have to go to class right now but I have my cell phone on vibrate so if he calls me I'll still get
it and if he calls you, you still call me, don't wait....ok?"

"Alright Daphne.......thanks, bye"

"Bye Brian and no problem." then she's gone. I hang up the phone and sit down on the couch and watch the sun start
to set. Justin always tried to get me to watch these types of things with him. I actually like to watch the sunset.....but
I just couldn't let myself be seen as that type of person.

"Stupid." I get up and get myself a nice tall glass of JB, then head over to the phone and the take out menu drawer. I
really need to eat something even if I can only get a few bites down. I decided on the deli down the street and order
a turkey sandwich, whole wheat no mayo. I don't think my stomach could handle spicy food right now. I go back to
the couch, wait for my food and drink my Beam.

After a couple of minutes there is a knock on the door and I know it can't be my food cause I only ordered it a
couple of minutes ago....'oh god Justin'.....I jump up off the couch and race over to the door practically slamming
into it, I throw it open and....."I have a delivery for Brian Kinney." what the fuck now.......

"Yeah I'm Kinney" I say, and the guy pulls out a large manila envelope.

"Could you sign here please?" he hands me the board, I sign it real quick and hand it back. He starts handing me the
envelope while blatantly checking me out....

"Fuck off." I tell him. I grab the envelope and slam the door closed. For fucks sake!

I flip the envelope over to see who sent it, but there's no return address. So I open it up and pull out the
contents.......it's from Justin, it's legal papers. What the fuck, I tip over the envelope and a note falls to the floor....oh
god. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I wanna know what's on that note.

I jump when I hear the buzzer go off. I look over at the intercom not sure if I can get myself to go over there, then
when I look back at the letter I hear the buzzer go off again....god this letter has got me totally off balance. After the
buzzer goes off a third time I move and buzz them up, not even saying a word which I wince at after the fact. I hope
this is my food and not anyone else.... I look back over to the letter, it keeps drawing me in but I'm scared shitless of
touching it, of what I might read.


'Bang..bang..bang' "shit.....damn it!" I keep on losing myself. I swing the door open and thank god it's my food.
Phew! I get the money out of my pocket and pay the man with a nice tip. I take the food and close the door. When I
turn around my eyes lock on the letter. I go over to the kitchen counter and set the food down, I've suddenly lost
what little appetite I had. I go and sit on the floor right next to the letter but I can't touch it yet. So I take a closer
look at the legal papers I'm still holding onto. Oh my god it's the papers we had drawn up for his tuition. "Why
would he send me these?" I flip through them till I come to a page with his signature on it...attached at the top is a
check, it's the full amount of his tuition including interest....how the fuck did he get this kind of money? The
document is to dissolve our agreement for his tuition. He's already signed it and all that's left is for me to sign. I
don't understand how he did this. Before I can stop myself I pick up his letter, I have to know what's going on,
hopefully he explains it here......

Brian,

This will be the last time you hear from me. I promise. But I wanted to write this so I could explain everything that's
here...starting with the papers for the tuition. I have dissolved the agreement. I have decided not to go back to PIFA
and when I do go back to school I have the means to pay for it on my own now so you won't have to be concerned
about that. Don't worry it's nothing illegal. As you go through the legal papers......

I flip through the papers some more and kinda skim over them. Why did he do this?

When I finally finish up the letter I just sit there. I can't seem to move. The sun has gone now and I know I have
been sitting here for at least three hours, I just can't find the strength to move. I hear the loft door being opened, but
this time I know it's not Justin so I don't even bother looking before I say.."get out." in a small raspy voice. I don't
want anyone here, the only one I want won't be here until I find him somehow.

"Brian?" I whip my head around....it's fucking Michael.

" I said....get out." I turn back to look at nothing again.

"Look Brian.....just hear me out. Justin is gone now and I know he's not coming back...."

"How?...How do you know that?" I say to him giving him a glare that would frighten anyone but it seems Michael
has lost the ability to read me.

"Because today about 6 artists stopped by for interviews and they brought drawings of Rage. It seems that Justin
arranged for a bunch of people that he knew to take over for him. I've already got one picked out and we're going to
start on the next issue tomorrow....." but I interrupt him.

"So this is what you came to tell me? To rub it in my face that he's gone?"

"No Brian I came to tell you that you're free and clear, he's gone and he's fine with it otherwise he wouldn't have set
all this in motion to keep the comic alive. So now it's ok to be happy about it. You don't have to feel guilty or
anything or pretend for anyone anymore. He's fine. He's a big boy you know."

I shake my head, close my eyes and sigh. I can't believe he actually still doesn't get it. Well I'm going to make sure
he damn well gets it now.

"I will never be happy, not until I find him and he's back in my arms." Michael flinches at that.good. "And you won't
be making any other comic books until Justin comes back."

"What?! Why the fuck not?"

"Because I said so, that's why."

"Well I hate to break it to you Brian, but you don't have a say in it."

...' I have signed over my half of Rage to you. You have a great mind and have the background for it so I figured you
and Michael could work on it together or whatever. It's just a thought. Also I was hoping that if it made any money,
that it would somewhat repay you for all the groceries and living expenses and everything else you have given me
over the past couple of years. I have made sure that Michael and you are set. I got some artists that I know are good
and have an interest in the comic book stuff. I had them put together some of their work and gave them each a Rage
comic to study on the type of thing we were shooting for. They are all good guys and all you have to really do is
pick the one that's best for you. Whomever you'll get along best with.....'

"Ah but that's where you're wrong Michael..." I rip the two connected documents apart so I can hand him the one
that gives me Justin's fifty percent. He starts reading through it and I don't think he's too happy about it.

"Why would he do this? Well I think you should just sign this over to me now, you don't care about it and Brian he's
not coming back."

"Wrong again little man.....he will be back, I will find him and bring him back. Don't ever doubt that. I can't live my
life without him. I won’t. I will never sign over his half to you, it belongs to him. Do you know how hard he worked
to make sure he got all of it done in time for the publishers? His hand still only works right for about fifteen minutes
and then he has to take a break.....meanwhile he still had to get all his school projects done at the same time. But you
didn't even care, you just kept on pushing to get what you could out of him. Well guess what, now you are going to
have to suffer. I won't allow you to publish another copy of Rage until he's home. Do you understand me?"

"No! This is stupid Brian. Why would you want to ruin this for me? It just makes no sense to wait when he
obviously wanted us to move on without him. I mean come on Brian, we could do this together. Me and you....we
could even get you closure through the comic. You could work out your anger and frustration by killing off JT in the
next issue. It would be perfect."



I stand up at that moment, and make my way to him. I get in his face.

"What do I have to say to make you hear that I love him and that I would never do anything like that to him? Huh?
What do I have to do to make you see that he's what I need, what I want? Well you know what, it doesn't matter
anymore. I give up on you. I don't want you anywhere near me. I won't let you do anything with the comic till Justin
gets back and that's only if he wants to continue it with you. If you try to make any changes, any type of deal with a
publisher, anything Michael and I will sue you till you have nothing left. That's a promise." I tell him in a deathly
calm voice. He looks heart broken......well join the club. "Now this is what's going to happen. You are going to walk
out of here, right fucking now. You will stay far away from me and if we do happen to run into each other you won't
say a goddamn word to me. When I find Justin and find out what he wants to do about the comic I will have my
attorney contact you." He opens his mouth to talk..."don't say a fucking word to me Michael, I'm barely holding on
here and if I hear your voice I'm afraid I may totally lose any self control I have left and beat the shit out of you." He
clamps his mouth shut and looks like he might cry any second. "Now it's time for you to go." I take him by the arm,
lead him to the door and push him beyond the opening. He turns to me and he's trying the fucking puppy dog eyes
and oh great he's actually fucking crying now. "Sorry Michael but that isn't going to work this time....you crossed
way too many boundaries. I don't know if I can forgive you but I do know that I won't ever have to worry about
trying to forgive you if you don't fucking straighten yourself out and think about the things you have said and done.
So why don't you start worrying about that!" Then I slam the door in his face. I hope he really heard me and listens
to me about this one.

I go back to where I had left the letter on the floor and grab it. I stop to get a refill on my glass of Beam and sit down
on the couch. I take a big swig and wince at the heat running down my throat. I shake my head and start to re-read
the ending of the letter......

'So I have decided to leave town. I figured it would be the best for everyone involved. But I wanted to tell you some
things that I didn't ever get a chance to. Because either I was too chicken shit or because I knew you wouldn't hear
me out. So if you'd rather not read any further I'd understand. This is me being selfish again and I'm sorry for that,
but I needed you to know a couple of things.

I wanted to say how grateful I am too you for everything you've done for me. I know now without a doubt that you
were forced into having me around, but you still helped me, supported me and watched out for me. Even though you
didn't want to. For that I'm sorry. I was just too wrapped up in myself to realize what I was doing. I know that is no
excuse but it is the truth. I would like to explain myself a little here though. At the time everything was happening, I
really and truly believed that you wanted me and that I was the one who could make you happy, that we'd be happy
together. I believed it with everything I had so that's why I pushed myself into your life. I wanted nothing more than
for you to be happy, still do. So now I'm actually listening to what you tell me will make you happy. Now that I
know I've done all that I can to make sure you get what you asked for, it's the least I can do after everything I've put
you through. You won't have to worry about me anymore and as you have asked, I am leaving to give you your life

back. The life you had before I came along. This is all I have left to give you Brian and I hope it is enough to make
up for pushing myself on you. There is just one more thing that I always wanted to say to you, and since this is the
last chance I get I'm going to go for it. I love you Brian. From the moment I saw you. You were wrong when you
said I didn't know what love was, the problem was I didn't know how to show it the right way. I'm just figuring that
out now. God I'm really sorry. I know you think sorry's bullshit but I don't think it is if you truly mean it and then
make every effort to fix what you did wrong. I just hope that this is enough.

Brian I wish you nothing but the best. I hope one day you'll find that one person that will help make your life
perfect. Someone who can love you the right way, who you can love back....because despite what you might think,
there is someone out there who's perfect for you, you just haven't found him yet. So just keep an open mind.

It's really been great knowing you Brian. I'll never forget all you have done for me, and all you have taught me. It
really does mean everything to me. Thank you.

Good bye,
Justin

"Look at what I've done." I whisper. I can barely breathe. He's given up everything, everything for me. His family,
his friends, school and his job. He's given up his life just to make sure I'm happy. I swear I never thought this would
happen. I never thought he'd give up everything for me. I can't believe I didn't see how much he loved me. How
could I have been so blind? If only I would have realized earlier, if only I would have just been truthful about my
feelings or let him tell me his. We could've made this work in the first place instead of going through this hell. Him
more so than me.... at least I know he loves me and I have our family and friends, he doesn't know he has that, he
thinks he's all alone, he thinks I don't want anything to do with him. "FUCK" .....'CRASH'! I just threw my glass
across the room. "Ah fuck it......" I get up and throw the coffee table all the way across the room and when I hear it
break, I go for the chairs in front of me........

About a half hour later I'm sitting with my back against the kitchen counter crying for everything I've done to hurt
my baby. Every lie I have ever told him. For every time I saw the hurt look in his eyes when he'd walk in on me and
a trick. For every time that I had to try and convince him and myself that I didn't love him. For every time I pushed
him away and every time I hid behind my walls. For all the love he doesn't know he has and mostly for everything
he thinks he's lost.

I have destroyed my loft and it didn't even make me feel any better. Bar stools through the panel glass dividers,
dressers turned over, clothes everywhere, couch sitting on the stairs to the bedroom, those stupid fucking grass
thingies thrown across the room by the dining table. The dining table itself shattered across the floor with the
chairs.well one is sitting in the sink now and the other is sitting on our bed. I'm going to lose my mind. It hurts just
to breathe, my heart is somewhere out there and I don't know when we'll find him.............


Chapter 7: Two Months Later


Brian's POV:

"NO.....NO I don't fucking understand! It's been two fucking months that he's been missing. Now I have paid you a
hell of a lot of money.......more than what you were asking for to make sure that you found him as soon as possible.
So now I want you to stop making excuses and find him.!!!" ....Crash!!! "Well there goes another fucking phone.
"Damn it!!!" I can't believe these fucking worthless private detectives. They can't even find one fucking person....
they've been looking for two months. "TWO FUCKING MONTHS!" I can't believe how well Justin has managed to
cover his tracks. It's fucking amazing. I have hired a whole fucking agency to find him and still there is nothing.
"NOTHING!" He hasn't called anyone. Not his mom, Daphne, Deb, the munchers, fucking no one. He cancelled his
bank account, his phone and he never had a credit card so we couldn't even follow that lead. It's like he fell off the
face of the earth. We have looked everywhere New York was our first stop. There was no trace of him. Then
Chicago, still no trace. Same thing in California and pretty much every other state in the U.S. I'm at the end of my
rope here and I don't know where else to look or how to keep looking. He hasn't left any trace, no clues. He hasn't

even used his medical insurance cards. Which isn't good because he was scheduled for an MRI three weeks ago for a
check up from the bashing. These are extremely important and he missed it. He also hasn't gotten any refills on his
medication, and I know he's run out of most of his pills by now. But he hasn't used his prescription cards. Nor have
his doctors gotten any calls for confirmation. They have also checked every hospital in the U.S. and sent off his
picture to them as well "just in case," they say. I know they're right because I worry about it, about something
happening to him every second of the day.

I barely sleep anymore I spend most of my time pacing my loft, remembering everything that we've been through
and all the good times we've had. I go to work, I see Gus about three times a week and every time I do he asks me
where's ‘his Jusin’? I just tell him that ‘his Jusin’ had to take a trip but he will be back as soon as he can and that he
loves and misses him. It hurts to have to see his face when I tell him he's not around. I do try and make it to the diner
for our morning breakfasts, but sometimes it's just a little too hard to go in there knowing he won’t be in there. Not
to mention the fact of trying to pull myself together every morning. It seems to get harder every day. But I am
trying. But everywhere I go I think I see him, every blonde head I see, I follow. Every time the phone rings I jump
for it. About a month ago I did have a hang up call to the loft while I was at work. So from then on I had all my calls
forwarded to my cell when I went anywhere. One day I got a call during a meeting in the middle of the afternoon. I
jumped and grabbed it out of my pocket and checked the display. It was an unknown number, I knew it was him,
just knew it. "JUSTIN! Baby please is that you?" but that was all I got to say. He hung up before I had even finished
the sentence. I almost lost the Liberty Air account with that little episode, but I really don't care I had to try. I have
to and I’ll do whatever it takes. After that day though there were no more hang up calls.

I haven't been to Babylon since that fateful night and I don't have any plans to go back until I can walk in and dance
with my baby. Since all this happened it's like this veil has been lifted off my eyes. I don't have to keep on doing
what other people expect of me. I don't have to keep putting on the fuck everything that moves show. I have also
found out that I really don't care what other people think. There has been plenty of talk about how I'm dick whipped
and so on. But I just ignored them and they stopped. Everyone on liberty knows Justin, knows the story of US. So
everyone has actually been really helpful. Some have made out flyers if you'd believe that and if someone is going
on a trip to some other city I have had them come to my door and offer to put some up in said city. A lot of people
would just come and ask if we'd heard anything or to tell me how much they missed him. It's been quite an eye
opening experience.

Now here's something that is going to shock you to no end. I Brian Kinney have not had a trick since I fucked Rage
at the launch party. I have been tempted yes, but I haven't accepted any offers and I haven't been looking for any. I
have a lot more willpower than I have ever let anyone see including myself. Since he's been gone I have tried to get
myself together for him. Be a man he can trust and depend on, someone who is worthy of his love. I finally figured
out that with him in my life, he's all I need. He fulfills all my desires, sexually and intellectually. He loves me with
everything he's got and I'm going to give him that back because I want to, not because I feel obligated. That was a
problem in the past. Our family always got into our business so I always felt like I was being pushed into some sort
of commitment. I never got the time and quietness to realize that that's what I wanted for myself as well. To be fully
committed to him in every way. Now that I have had the realization for myself, I won’t deny it any longer......I just
wish he was with me now so I could tell him all this.

The family..... well the family isn't taking it very well. Of course they're not. Deb calls me three times a day to find
out if I have heard from her Sunshine and I wish she'd stop but I know how she feels. I hate having to tell her three
times a day that I haven't heard one damn thing from him. It breaks both our hearts. Then I have to do it all over
again with Jennifer at the end of the day. We've come to a sort of understanding since Justin left. We talk every
night and fill each other in on whatever has been going on or what has been found out or if anything has changed.
We also have an agreement to call each other if Justin calls or tries to contact either of us. I know that her and Deb
have been leaning on each other which is great, they need that motherly support especially now. But Daph, poor
little Daph. These two have been best friends since they were three. She misses him so much. We try to talk at least
once a day. We have been supporting each other to get us through this. I know that without her I would've crawled
on my couch under my duvet and stayed there. She has helped me keep some semblance of sanity. When we talk she
cries a lot of the time but I try and calm her down, I think I do a pretty good job. She always says she feels better
after she talks to me so I take that as a good sign.

As for Mikey and me, well we are starting to talk again. After we had our argument in the loft he really took a good
look at his life. The thing that really showed me he was trying to change his life and move on from his crush on me
was that he didn't come to me and try and work out our problems. He went to Ben and worked on fixing their
relationship first. He got his head on straight and I really believe he's realized all the things he's done and said were
just not his place, it was nothing but jealousy and hate actually. We have talked and he has told me that he's sorry
and that he will wait till Justin gets back to start anything on the comic. He says that he really wants to try and build
a true friendship with him first before taking on the comic again. I think that's a perfect idea. I think it's probably the
only way to go. He knows he's got major apologies to make to Justin and he finally sees that and is willing and
wanting to fix things between them. It makes me extremely happy that he's finally gotten things straightened out in
his head. I really would've hated to lose my best friend forever. Sixteen years of friendship is a hard thing to lose.
We're still not all the way back to where we were, but I doubt that will ever come back. That was just too much and
it wasn't fair to anyone involved. I have to blame myself for some of it because I did string him along and keep him
enthralled. But that needed to stop, it was so wrong of me. I knew I would never give him what he wanted, I knew
we could never have a relationship and I knew I would NEVER feel that way about him. But I was just too pig
headed to see what it was doing to everyone. I was just scared that I would lose him if he didn't have that hope of
more. But when he finally went too far I had to take that chance. I'm glad it seems to have worked out for the better
so far. I just hope it is the real thing. But I won’t know that for sure until Justin is home with me, back in my arms
where he belongs. Please, please let them find him soon. "I need him back in my arms."

*********************************************************************

Justin's POV:

"Fucking shit.......it's all shit.......every single.....one ....of these fucking ........damn paintings." I can't believe how
incredibly fucked every single one of these paintings are. Why am I so surprised, my whole entire life is fucked. I
can feel the tears streaming down my face now as I throw the last painting in the dumpster. There must be at least 30
in there. I haven't been able to sleep since I left Pittsburgh, so I've been painting night and day. When I can't stand
the sight of my absolute lack of talent anymore I turn and go back into my building. I take the stairs up to the fifth
floor, down the hall to the last door on the right. I lock myself into my apartment and go to curl up into a ball on my
couch. I'm so tired but I can never sleep, and when I do sleep it's never for more than an hour at a time. Too many
nightmares, too many thoughts. My mind never seems to turn off. I'm miserable; I have headaches twenty-four hours
a day now. Everything that I paint, sketch or draw on the computer is all for shit. I miss Brian. I worry about him
constantly, I feel this pain in my chest non- stop, it's the clenching of my heart. Do you know what it feels like to
have your whole body constantly in knots? Well I do. It's non-stop agony. I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand
being alone anymore; I can't stand knowing that Brian doesn't love me, that everyone I ever cared about probably
hates me by now. I haven't been able to call my mom or Daphne yet. I just don't have the fight in me to do it. I just
can't face them. Not being the way I am. I am totally and completely fucked. There's just too much pain and it's not
getting any better, it's just getting worse. Every day seems to close in on me and the nights seem to be so long. I just
don't want to feel this pain anymore. I don't want to have the pain in my head, which is like a constant vice grip
squeezing and squeezing until it's all there is. Till I'm on the floor crying out in pain. I don't want to have any more
anxiety attacks where it feels like the whole world is closing in on you and you can't breathe. You have cold sweats
and you just want to back into a corner and hide from the world cause your head is in some fucked up place that has
you all turned around and you can't think straight.

I've had enough now. I just don't want to do it anymore. I can't do it anymore it's just too hard to keep fighting and
never getting anywhere. To be in constant pain, to know that everything you know and love is gone. To know that
the man you love more than anything in this world doesn't love you, doesn't want you anywhere near his life, never
wants to see you again. God I thought I was strong enough to do this for him. I thought I could live through it. But I
was wrong. I've tried, really I have but I just can't do it anymore. It hurts too much and it's just getting worse. I can't
live like this.

There is this one thought that has been going through my mind. It just keeps on going round and round. It never
stops and it never leaves, it's always there. Suicide. Everyday I have had to make the decision to either live or just
die. I've always chosen to live. But today.....today is different. Today every time the question has passed through my
mind the answer has always been 'I can't do this anymore.' So I think that I am ready to let myself have some peace.
I don't want any more pain and I know the only way to stop it is too just let everything go and just kill myself......

I had actually thought of writing letters to my mom and Daphne at least but then I thought otherwise. I mean how do
you tell the people you love that you just couldn't live anymore? Then there is the fact that nobody knows where I
am. Nobody here knows how to contact anyone I know. So they never have to know what a failure I am. They don't
have to know that I wasn't strong enough. Plus I don't want Brian to know. I know how he is; he will blame himself
for this when in fact it is not his fault by any means. It's not his fault I fell in love with him. It's not his fault that he
couldn't love me back. It's all me. I'm the one who can't handle my life. I'm the one who ruined it. You can't blame
someone else for the way you live your life. You're the one who makes all the decisions and you're the one who has
to live with the consequences. But unfortunately I can't live with the consequences anymore. So I decided to just let
them do what they will with me. But to make sure they don't pry into my family and try to find anything out about
me......I get up and go to the counter and grab the last new sketch book I have and the pencil beside it and sit down at
the table.

'To whom it may concern,

I have no family, I have no friends. Sorry to put this responsibility on
whoever found me.

Sincerely,

Justin Taylor '

Well that should do it. Now I just have to do the actual act. I was going to overdose on the pills I had until I ran out
of them about a month ago. So now I have to slit my wrists. I really didn't want to do it this way. But you know it's
probably better because there is just no guarantee with pills. You could end up throwing them up or you might not
take enough. This will guarantee success. And what can I say, I only wanna have to do this once. I look around this
dark apartment, it's the middle of the afternoon but the only light is the small lamp by the couch. Since my
headaches started to get worse, I couldn't stand the light. It was too much on my eyes and made my headaches even
more unbearable. I had to tape up cardboard over the widows and I got black curtains to block out the remainder of
the bright sun. My eyes finally settle on the phone that's on the end table by the couch. I really want to hear Brian's
voice before I do this. I remember about a month ago I called the loft, I didn't leave a message or anything I just
wanted to hear his voice. I needed to. Then a couple of days later the urge got to be too much and I had to hear his
voice again. I waited till I knew he'd be at work.....but to my surprise he answered yelling "JUSTIN." into the phone.
I quickly hung up. He must have found out that it was me the last time I called and been really pissed when I did it
again. I can't blame him, I did promise to not bother him again. But I couldn't keep that promise either I just wasn't
strong enough. But him yelling at me and being mad at me didn't make me stop worrying and wondering if
everything was ok, if he was ok. He never misses work ever and he was at home in the middle of the day. I had to
keep on reassuring myself that he has lots of people who love him and will take care of him and I know that Michael
will always be there to watch over him and make sure he's ok. I know that I have no right but I'm so grateful for that.
He needs Michael to help him through this. Plus it helped me to have the strength to leave completely knowing that
Brian had Michael and the rest of his family to look after him and make sure he was all right. And more importantly,
to love him. "I can't call him. I won’t break my promise to him again." With that decided I get up from the table and
move into the kitchen. I open up the knife drawer and pull out my favorite paring knife. I am constantly sharpening
it so I know it should make it easy to cut through the skin. I want it as quick and easy as I can get it. With knife in
hand, I go over to the couch and sit down. I put my feet up and sit Indian style. Knowing that all this is going to be
over in just a few short minutes makes me feel just a tad bit better.

I take the knife and put it to my left wrist. I push it in to the bottom of my palm and drag it up over my vein. I watch
for a second as the blood starts to flow running off the sides. It hurt but not as much as I thought it would. The pain
in my head outweighs it by far. I switch the knife to my other hand and put the blade to the bottom of my palm and
run it up and over the vein. I put the knife down and watch for a second as the blood runs over my wrists, soaking
into my jeans. I lean my head back and memories of Brian and me start rushing through my head. All the lies I told
him and all the drama I put him through. Then there are all the times we were together, laughing and having sex. All
the things he taught me. He made me so happy even though he didn't want anything to do with me. I have to tell him
I have to....I force my eyes open, Jesus they are already getting really heavy. I feel tired and weak and a little cold. I

pick up the phone and think for a second… oh yes, wow I had to think of his number. It shouldn't be too much
longer now. I dial Brian's number and hope that I get the answering machine...'ring......ring'

"Hello?" mmmm Brian.

*********************************************************************

Brian's POV:

When the phone rings. I jump up from the couch and run over to the counter to get it. It rings a second time before I
snatch it up and answer.

"Hello?" when no one answers.

"Justin?"

"Mmmm Brian." oh my god. It's him. My mouth suddenly goes dry and before I can get anything out he continues.
"I just wanted to tell you....to um tell you " he sounds drunk. "I wanted to tell you how sorry I am and to thank you
for everything you've done for me."

"Jus....baby are you drunk?" I ask in a low comforting voice or at least I hope it is. I want him to stay on the line.

"No.....no not drunk at allll." Well he's on something. "I love you Brian goodbye."

"No, no, no, no, no, no!!!! I love you too. Please baby please." I cry into the phone but it's too late he already hung
up. No something was wrong he was on something what if he took too much or god maybe… *69..... I press it into
my phone but no luck, he's got it blocked, "GOD DAMN IT!!!!" The P.I., I'll call them, maybe they have a way to
trace the call or something "Fuck" I don't know. But I have this horrible gut wrenching feeling in my heart and in the
pit of my stomach that something is terribly wrong. "Focus. Fucking focus." I need to make the call to the P.I. I
think I'm going to wait to call the ladies to see if they come up with anything, I'd hate to get their hopes up. So I dial
up the P.I.'s to see if they can help.......

*********************************************************************

Justin's POV:

I broke my promise again. Well are we really surprised? I mean obviously I'm not strong enough. Well he may not
know it yet but he'll never have to worry about me breaking a promise to him again. Now I can keep my promise
forever. I feel really bad about breaking my word but at the same time I am so glad I did. I got to tell him myself
how sorry I am and how thankful I am to him. I also, for the first time, told him I love him.....oh that felt so great to
tell him what I've been holding inside for so long. And he didn't yell at me. I'm really happy about that, I didn't want
the last time I talked to him be him yelling at me. I actually have a smile on my face right now. Can you believe it? I
haven't smiled in months. Brian's made this all okay for me. He let me say goodbye, he didn't yell at me he let me
get out what I needed to say. Even though I was breaking my promise again. He is such a good man. I open my eyes
and look at my lap. There is blood everywhere and I feel like I'm ready to sleep. But I really wanna see the sunlight
before I go. Have it shining down on me, warming me maybe. I'm so cold. So I stand up and I feel like I'm going to
fall over. Everything feels so distant and shaky. I grab a hold of the wall and steady myself before I start to inch
closer to the windows. When I reach them I start using all the strength I have left and pull the curtains open. I begin
to rip all the cardboard off the windows.

"Ahhh." I whisper out, it feels so good to have the sunlight against my face. I can feel the warmth in my body.
"Mmmm." I need to sleep but I don't want to move away from the window. I feel really dizzy and I just.....I'm trying
to hold on but when I look to see there is blood everywhere. All over the floor, all along the wall, all over the couch
and all over me. I start to shake a little it's so cold, I can't hardly feel my body anymore. Almost… over. My eyes are
so heavy but I keep forcing them open. I wanna see the world for as long as I can. I live just outside of Chicago now

in this beautiful little neighborhood. I can see the kids playing on the sidewalks, all the cars going by and the trees
swaying in the light breeze.

I can't keep my eyes open anymore. I close them and just feel the sun against my skin. I can feel myself drifting off.
I can hear a song though just faintly. It's our song, Brian and mine. I can barely see him in the distance twirling me
around. "Mmmm save the last dance for me." I grab hold of the curtains as I feel myself losing consciousness. They
come crashing to the floor with me......

Chapter 8: Insurance Card

About 15 minutes earlier at the dumpster, where Justin threw his paintings away.

“Oh my god.” I can’t believe someone threw these away. These are magnificent. Such pain and anguish and
loneliness. Just amazing. It’s says Taylor at the bottom. Humph? I wonder if I could get Danny to show me which
apartment this “Taylor” lives in? We’ll just have to give it a try. I go back inside to the security desk.

“Hello Danny.” I say as I approach his desk. This man is huge 6'2, 300 pounds, he’s Mexican and gorgeous. He has
these eyes they look like they are just brown, but when the sun hits them just right you can see a ring of green just
on the outside. He’s sweet too, like a big teddy bear. You wouldn’t think it to look at him though. He’s got a couple
of tattoo’s, a baby devil that’s on his right forearm, a scorpion on the inside of his left arm, and a huge spider over
his left hand. He has a goatee and a mustache and a shaved head with only a little stubble.

“Hello Ms. Phillips. How are you doing today?” he asks with a smile. Did I mention how gorgeous his lips were?
Well they are the perfect kissing lips......I smile back to
him.

“I’m doing well, I just found the most amazing paintings...” I say as I lift one of the paintings I took from the trash
up so he can see it.

“Oh my god. I don’t know much about art but wow, that is amazing.” he says, touching a black streak off to the side.

“I was wondering if you could tell me who Taylor is?” I ask very sweetly.

“Well I shouldn’t normally, but I don’t see the harm in telling you for this sort of reason.....come on I’ll take you up
and introduce you to him.” he says, coming around the desk and heading towards the elevators.

“Thanks, that would be great.” We step into the elevator and he pushes the button for the fifth floor...

“No problem....it’s my pleasure.” He says with a very sexy smile. I just smile back. I wonder if he thinks I’m pretty?
Damn it what’s wrong with you. The elevator doors open up and he motions for me to get out so I do. He starts
walking down the hall and stops at the last door on the right. He knocks lightly and we wait a second.... all the
sudden we hear something crash, Danny and I look at each other and I get this sinking feeling in the pit of my
stomach.

“Something’s wrong.” I say and he gets out his keys and opens the door. “Oh my god.” I whisper. There is blood all
over the wall.

“Mr. Taylor?” Danny calls out. He starts walking around to the front of the couch, and then he just drops to the
floor. “FUCK!!.....Mr. Taylor!......oh fuck....damn it!” I move around to where he is and that’s when I see the most
sickening thing I have ever seen. Mr. Taylor is lying on the floor with blood all over him. The curtains, which
Danny is lifting off of him, are what we must have heard crashing down. I have my hand over my mouth and I just
can’t believe what I’m seeing. He’s just a kid, he looks like he’s barely sixteen years old....why would he do
something like this? “Lynn....Lynn!” I shake my head and look to Danny, he’s picking Mr. Taylor up.... “We don’t
have time to wait for the paramedics, could we use your car to take him to the hospital?” He asks me and I nod my
head.

“Absolutely I’ll run down and pull the car around to the front.”

“Good it will just take me a minute to get him down....” he says, starting for the door. I go out ahead of him and take
the stairs to the garage. I get my car out to the front as he is bringing Mr. Taylor through the front. He gets into the
backseat still holding onto him.

I swear it took me less than ten minutes to get to the hospital. I went through every red light and every stop sign.
Thank god there wasn’t any traffic. I pull up to the ER entrance and let him get out before I go park the car. By the
time I get in the hospital I don’t see Danny, he must have gone back with him I think, so I ask the front desk but the
stupid bitch won’t give me any kind of information. So I just sit and wait.

Finally Danny comes out of the ER entrance door and he looks completely worn out like he just got hit by a truck
and I wonder if Mr. Taylor has survived, if we made it time. Poor Danny, the man is covered in blood; it’s even on
his face. I get up and walk to him and just hug him.....he looks like he needs it and I know I do.

“Did he make it?” I ask. I’ve started to feel tears coming down my face. He pulls away from me and looks at the
floor, oh no....

“As soon as we got back there they looked at the damage and then sent him straight to surgery. They said to give it a
couple of hours to see how everything goes and that they would let me know.” We sit down on the hard hospital
chairs. “They said it was really bad......they had to shock him four times to get his heart started again....I just… I
don’t know what’s going to happen.” he barely whispers. I rub his back trying to comfort him and he just stares off
into space. About ten minutes later he gets out his cell and tells his boss what happened and that he won’t be back to
work today. They say fine, they’ll take care of things. Thank god I don’t have to be in the gallery today, I would’ve
never made it. After about two and a half hours a doctor finally comes out to talk with us.

“We have managed to stabilize him and it looks like he is going to pull through. I won’t go into all the details but
he’s very lucky you two found him when you did. Now we are going to have to keep him for at least a couple of
days and he is going to have to see our psychologist. Depending on what he says, that will really be the determining
factor on when he can be released. Do you either of you know if he has any family?”

“I have no idea...but I could have the guard on duty now check to see if there is anything on his file.” Danny
suggests.

“That would be great. When you find out just leave the information with the nurse. Would either of you care to see
him?”

“I would!” Danny says before the doctor even finishes his sentence.
“Ok then I’ll take you back.” The doctor gets up and Danny squeezes my hand. He has had it in a death grip since
the doctor came out.

“I’ll be right back.” I just nod my head and watch them disappear into the back.

*********************************************************************

Justin’s POV:

I should be dead.....I shouldn’t be hearing things and waking up to the security guard from my building holding my
hand and crying at my bedside. I have no idea what happened. The last thing I remember was watching my life pass
before my eyes, I saw everything, I even for some reason remembered everything about prom.... the dance. God it
was perfect. I remember every feeling every turn every moment.....and oh my god that kiss. I can’t believe I ever
forgot that kiss.

“What happened that would make you do this?” I hear the security guard ask. I open my eyes just barely and blink
away the sun. I look over and I rub my thumb just barely over his fingers but it hurts to move my wrist, so I stop.

His head pops up and he just stares at me for a second before he wipes his eyes. “Your awake. They said it may take
a day or so before you woke up.” he says in surprise.

“I .....” then coughing, my throat feels like sand paper it’s so dry and scratchy. He lets my hand go and reaches for
the water glass helping me take a slow sip. Feels a little better. “Thanks” I say hoarsely. I lay back and close my
eyes. When I open them again. Danny I think his name is, is staring wide eyed at me. It’s making me feel extremely
uncomfortable.

“Why?” he asks. Simple question really, but not a simple answer. I don’t know if I can explain it in a way he can
understand. I can barely understand it myself. I just wanted everything to stop. The pain, the heartache, the constant
running of my brain, the panic attacks. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I just felt like it was never going to stop and I
simply didn’t want to live like that anymore. I couldn’t.

“Not now.” I whisper. I can’t talk about it, shit I can barely talk at all. I just want to get some sleep it feels good to
sleep. I close my eyes and tell him.... “Thank you.” Then I feel myself start to fall asleep.

The next time I wake up it’s still light and I look at the clock and realize it’s noon. I slept through the entire night as
well as the whole morning. I feel so much better. It’s the first time in a long time since I have slept that well. I’m
just sorry it took trying to kill myself to get it. Ok bad joke. Anyway I find that I have to pee so I get up and relieve
myself. When I walk out of the bathroom there is an old man standing by my bed. I stop and we stare for a minute
before he gestures for me to go ahead back to the bed. I hesitantly do so. He opens up a file when I get settled......

“Justin, my name is Dr. Hammond and I have been assigned your case.” He looks at me and I nod my head in
understanding. I knew this was probably coming. “Would you like to discuss what has happened in your life to bring
you to this point?” he asks. And I’m just not sure if I’m ready to talk about it yet. It’s hard. He sees my hesitance.
“We really don’t know anything about you. We had the security of your building fax over your application
information, but it didn’t give us anything but the standard information. I was wondering if you’d like us to call
anyone...a family member, a friend maybe?” he says.

“No there is no one to call.” I don’t want anyone to know what I’ve done here. It’s just too much for me to deal with
let alone to have to deal with everyone else’s feelings about it. “How did I get here?” I ask. I would really like to
know how in the world anyone found me, and before I died at that.

“The security guard of your building was taking a woman, ....Lynn, to meet you when they heard a crashing sound
in your apartment. When there was no answer to their knock, the security officer went ahead and opened your door.
They found you on the floor and got you to the hospital. You went into surgery for two hours while they repaired
your wounds, they did have to give you a blood transfusion of course and they also had to shock you four times to
get your heart beating again. You WILL be fine though.” he says.

Wow all that was done? I can’t believe that they just happened to be going to my apartment at just that moment. I
guess it’s really not my time to go. “So how do you feel about all this now?”

“I’m actually not sure....I just didn’t think.....well I did think but...I didn’t think I’d still be alive.” I say. I know I’m
probably not making any sense but I’m actually at a loss for words at the moment.

“Well I can understand that, but I would really like to talk to you about what brought this on.”

“I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was in so much pain. It never stopped. I never slept and I could barely eat. I had
constant headaches, panic attacks and this empty feeling in the middle of myself that I just couldn’t get rid of. All
my art was for shit.....oh sorry.” I catch myself.

“That’s alright. Please go on.” he says with a smile so I do. I’m finding it feels good getting this out with the person
not knowing everything about me. He’ll be objective and maybe he can help me feel better. I tell him all about me
and Brian at the prom, which I only recently remembered. He thought that was quite amazing. I told him about our
break up and everything that went along with it. I told him about how it’s been for me the last couple of months and
it just felt so great to say it all out loud. By the time I was finished I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest,

like it was alright to still be here. After that he told me to just hold on, that we could work through this and I told
him I thought I could. He said he’d see me tomorrow but if I needed anything to just have him paged. He’s a really
nice old man. Made me feel so much better even though all he really did was listen.

The next day before Dr. Hammond was to come in I was asked if it would be alright if a lady, the lady who helped
save me, visited for a little while. I said it was ok. When she came in she didn’t seem too uncertain.

“Hi, my name is Lynn.” she says coming over to shake my hand. I raise my hand to meet hers and when we shake I
see her staring at my bandaged wrist.

“I’m sorry you had to see that. I don’t really know what to say......but thank you.” I say to her placing my other hand
on top of hers. She smiles, a little smile but it’s still there.

“I’m just really glad we could get you here in time.” she says. I let go of her hand then.

“Would you like to sit down?” she does so and looks a little concerned.

“I was...well the reason we went to your apartment was because I found your paintings in the trash.” Oh god those
things! They were horrible. “Anyway, I was awe struck at how much emotion I could see, all the pain and love and
anguish in your work. I wanted to know if you would like to have a show in the gallery I run. I hope you don’t mind
but I took the liberty of taking all the paintings and sketchbooks out of the trash and showed them to the owner
yesterday. She has given me the ok to give you your own show.....”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I ask her. This is too unreal. She must feel sorry for me. “I know that those paintings
were for shit and you really don’t have to do this. I’m not going to try and kill myself again. I actually feel much
better after the talk I had with the shrink and I am going to work at getting myself back together.”

“No that’s not the reason I am doing this, not to mention the fact that I would never put the reputation of myself and
my gallery on the line, just to give you a little boost....I am doing this because even before I saw you laying on the
floor in a pool of your own blood, I knew your work was unbelievable and that the artist had a great talent. I want to
do a show with your stuff because you do amazing work and it is going to be an amazing show. I am not the only
one who thinks so either. The owner of the gallery agrees and I never told her about how I first saw you.” she says
defensively. This chick is for real; I can’t believe it, my own show! Who would’ve thought? I shouldn’t even be here
right now. But look at this, I am sitting in the hospital after I attempted to kill myself because my life was
completely fucked, but then it all starts to turn around and it’s not because of pity like I thought, it’s because of me
and who I am. That’s it. That’s all. I can feel myself starting to smile.

“My own show?” I ask just to make sure. She chuckles.

“Yes your own show. Would you like to do it?”

“Absolutely!” I say with my trademark sunshine smile. We continued to talk until Dr. Hammond came for his visit.
When she was on her way out she asked if it would be alright to come back tomorrow. I said I would love it if she
did. So that is how the next three days were spent. I would talk with Lynn and then with Dr. Hammond. Then I
would really concentrate on the things he helped me realize. This is what I’ve
learned......

1. I do have people I can turn to. My Mom, Daphne and even Lynn. She has been so wonderful we are becoming
great friends. He also told me that I had him as well. It’s nice to know especially since I’m not ready to call my
Mom or Daphne yet.

2. I am most likely suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. Which never really goes away but I can learn to
live with and control it to a certain degree. Which is actually comforting to know cause I thought I was just losing
my mind and that I would never have control again. It’s good to know that I can work through this. He even said that
it might be a lot easier now that I remember all of that night.

3. That I can still make a good life for myself.....even if Brian isn’t directly involved because he will always be with
me. He will always be in my heart. Which is where it
matters.

4. I need to make a life for myself so I’m not forced to rely on anyone else for my future or happiness or for
financial reasons. In other words, I need to work on me first.

So I am getting released today and I am going to be staying with Lynn until I can find a new apartment. I obviously
can’t go back to mine so she graciously offered to have me stay with her. I agreed to keep on seeing Dr. Hammond.
I think it’s the only way for me to get on with my life and to get through my past. Lynn has already started to get my
paintings together for the show that will be in a month. After I threw them in the trash, let’s just say they needed a
little help to put them back together. She offered to send them away to a place that restores paintings but I decided
that I wanted to do it myself. I wanna go through them and restore them the way I hope to restore myself. I think it
will be good for me. Here comes Lynn now to pick me up.

“So are we ready to get you out of this hospital already?” she asks with a huge grin. I return the grin and add..

“You have no idea how ready I am to get out of here.” I tell her while I finish packing the stuff she brought down for
me. Danny went ahead and put some stuff together for me for her to bring to the hospital. He also went in and
packed everything that I own and put it in one of the storage units. I have so much to thank him for; I think he has
done so much more for me than most people would.

“Well good because I just saw Dr. Hammond and the rest of your doctors talking over what I assume is your file. So
you should be out of here in no time.” I give her my sunshine smile and wait for them to tell me I can go. Lynn and I
are just chit chatting and laughing over some stupid joke when Dr. Hammond comes in.

“Hello Justin,....Lynn. How are you doing today?”

“Fine.” we both reply in unison. We giggle at that a little before.... the Dr. Continues.

“Justin I have some good news for you.”

“Really. What?” I say with surprise.

“Remember how you gave us your insurance card this morning?” I nod my head but furrow my brow because I
don’t know how that could equal good news. “Well it seems that your family, which you said you didn’t have by the
way, has been looking for you and they called here this afternoon. They would like it if they could see you.”

“No!.... what did you tell them?” I ask oh god please don’t let them have told them what I’ve done.

“We told them nothing.....you are over eighteen they have no right to your information unless you would like them
to have it. They are on their way down here. They should be arriving in about another hour or so.” he says looking at
his watch.
“ I don’t want to see them.” and I don’t, I’m not ready for this. Not ready for them and all their questions. I want to
work on myself before I deal with them. I need to work on myself first find my own way in this world. Figure out
how to deal with life as it comes. I need to do that first.

“Justin....” but I cut him off.

“No Dr. Hammond. I’m not ready. I need to get myself together before I deal with them. I need to figure out my
own life before then. Please......I can’t do it yet.” I say almost begging him.

“Well ultimately it’s up to you, but I do wish you’d reconsider....”

“I’m sorry I’m just not ready.”

“Alright. Let me make a note in the folder that no one, not even family is allowed to have any information about
you. Just in case I’m not the one to talk with them. I will even express your wishes to your other Drs.” he says while
making notes in my chart.

“Thank you Dr. Hammond.” I say with relief.

“But you are still coming to see me twice a week for a while, starting this Thursday right?” I nod my head.

“Don’t worry I will make sure he gets there.” I smile over to Lynn and she smiles back.

“Ok then you are all set to go. But if you need to talk or you have an emergency just call me ok?”

“Ok....” I say as we gather up my belongings and head out of the hospital before my Mom and Daphne can arrive. I
will however send them notes and this time I mean it. Just to let them know that I am ok. I can’t leave them hanging
off of that one, I mean they get a call or whatever saying I’m in the hospital, I couldn’t do that to them. That’s why I
never left a letter for them when I made my attempt. I also need to ask them for some time, just a little bit of time on
my own.

*********************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

After the call I got from Justin that night, I called and had the P.I. agency look into seeing if they could trace the call
for me.... they couldn’t so I just waited and hoped that he would call me back. I didn’t leave the loft for three days
hoping he’d call. Praying that everything was alright and that I wouldn’t get the other kind of call. I did end up
calling the girls and I told them all that he had called, but that he didn’t give me a chance to say anything really,
cause I thought he was drunk. I didn’t tell them my other concerns though, it just seemed too much and I was still
hopeful so I decided to keep it to myself.

However when I got a call this morning saying they had a break I was just so excited, but when they said how they
got the information I felt my world come crashing in around me. They wouldn’t tell me why Justin was in the
hospital; they said all they knew was that a Justin Taylor was admitted to a hospital in Chicago, but that he was
being released today. As soon as I hung up with the P.I., I called the number to the hospital that the agency gave me
but when I asked why he was there they wouldn’t tell me anything. I asked them to please have him wait there until
his family could arrive. They said they would try their best, which didn’t mean much to me, so I hired a private jet to
get us there as fast as possible. I picked up his mother and Daphne just in case he wouldn’t listen to me and we got
to the airport and were off to Chicago; which just pissed me off cause we checked that city. It was the second city
we checked. Stupid fucking worthless P.I.s! I mean come on, I pay them a shit load of money to find one person and
they managed to miss him completely! How is that possible? I just don’t understand. I think I may sue those
motherfuckers after I get my baby back.

But let me get back to what’s important right this minute, getting to Justin. We are almost to the hospital now,
another five minutes maybe. I can’t wait to take him in my arms again and tell him how much I love him and that I
was fool to ever let him go, to have ever pushed him away. I just pray he’ll listen to me and forgive me. Ah here we
are. I throw some bills at the cab driver, jump out and run inside the hospital entrance to the first desk I see. I don’t
even wait for the girls; I need to get him back… I’m so close. I don’t want to wait anymore.

“Excuse me.” I say to the nurse behind the desk. She looks up at me.

“How may I help you?” She seems nice enough.

“I need to speak with a Dr. Hammond, please.”

“I’ll page him for you, if you’ll just have a seat.” she says, gesturing for the nice cushy chairs. That’s surprising. But
I don’t want to sit I want my baby.......NOW. So I just stand there and she nods her head and pages the doctor for
me. That’s when the girls finally catch up.

“Where is he?” Jen asks.

“I’m not sure yet I just had the nurse page him.”

“The doctor should be down in just a couple of minutes,” the nurse informs us.

“Thank you” I say and she nods and goes back to her paper work.

After about five minutes we see a doctor coming out of the far hallway and approach us.

“Brian Kinney I presume?” he says extending his hand.

“Yes. Dr. Hammond?” I ask. He nods his head and shakes my hand. I introduce Jennifer and Daphne then we go and
sit down. Maybe now we’ll get some answers.

“Where is he?” is the first thing out of my mouth.

“He has already been released.” he says looking into my eyes and I’m trying my damndest to hold my anger in but
it’s not working.

“What the fuck do you mean he’s been released?”

“He is no longer in the hospital’s care. He left about an hour ago.” he says in a very calm voice which I fucking hate
right now.

“Why did you let him out of the hospital I told you his family was coming to get him.” I tell him not even believing
that they would just let him go.

“Mr. Kinney I understand what you told us, but he’s 19 years old which means that he can leave whenever he wants.
He doesn’t need a guardian to sign him out or a parent. It was his decision. I did inform him that his family was
coming and he didn’t want to wait.”

“Fine whatever, why was he in here in the first place, what happened?” I ask not really sure I want the answers but I
know that I have to have them.

“I’m sorry that is privileged under doctor patient confidentiality laws. I can’t give you that information.”

“What do you mean, we’re his family!” I tell him, I can’t believe this shit.

“Yes please, I am his mother, surely you can give me the information.” Jennifer practically pleads with him.

“I’m sorry Ms. Taylor but I can’t. He specifically informed me and the rest of his doctors that no information was to
be given out to anyone. That means I can’t tell you anything without breaking the law and the oath that I took when
I became a doctor. I really am sorry. I wish I could help.” He does look remorseful but that doesn’t fucking help me.
DAMN IT! Why couldn’t they have just held him a little bit longer? Then he could be in my arms and all this would
be over.

“For fucks sake. Well can you give us anything, anything at all? An address, a phone number, whatever just
something?” I ask him. I need something to go off of.

“I’m sorry but I can’t.” he says.

“I can’t believe this. Do you know we have been looking for him for two months? Two months of not knowing if he
was alright or being taken care of. Do you know how that feels?” I ask him.

“No I don’t, but you do know now that he is ok and I can tell you this, when I told him his family was on their way
he told me he just wasn’t ready...... give him some time. He will come home; I think he just wants to figure out his
life first. I will also tell you that he does have people looking out for him, so just give him some space.” he says,
really looking at me. I wonder what he knows. Cause he seems to know about me, to know that I’m the one that
needs the convincing. “Maybe while you wait you can get your life together as well.” he says to me. Oh yeah, he
knows about me. What kind of doctor is this guy?

“I can’t wait” I say shaking my head, “he doesn’t know that he is going off of wrong information. When he left he
didn’t have all the facts and what facts he did have were wrong.” I try to explain to him just why we just can’t wait. I
mean if Justin knew what was really going on he would be home now.

“I can understand that but I still think that it would be best if you let him find himself first, I really think he needs to
do this.” he says with a very intense look on his face. This guy is serious. I don’t know what to do. This doctor
seems to think that he knows what’s best for Justin but I want him back with me now......but maybe it’s time I really
put him and what he wants first, to make sure that he’s getting what he needs......

“Will you be looking in on him?” I ask. I think this guy can be trusted. He seems to genuinely care about this
situation,.....about Justin’s needs.

“Yes I promise I will look in on him and watch out for him.” he tells me looking straight into my eyes and I can see
the truth there.

“Ok I will give him some time, but I’m trusting you with the most important thing in the world to me. So please
make sure that he is taken care of and if he needs anything you will let me know.”

“Brian?!” Jennifer and Daphne say in unison. I can’t explain it but I think this doctor is telling the truth, maybe
Justin does need a little time to figure out his life and where he is in it. But that doesn’t mean that I am not going to
do everything in my power to find out where he is just so I can look in on him and make sure that from now on he’s
okay and so I can know he’s safe.


“Look” I say to them,” we really don’t have a choice here.....they can’t help us, Justin explicitly told them not to. So
now the best we can wish for is that this doctor will watch out for him for us.” I say looking at the doctor; he nods
his head in agreement. “So I say let’s just give it a little time like the doctor suggested and hope that he will come
around soon.” We all seem to agree now and I give the doc all of my numbers so he can get a hold of me at anytime.
I tell him not to hesitate to call me if anything happens. I want to know. He just tells me he will do what he can.
Damn it. I hate this.

We leave the hospital and go to the hotel that I booked. I figured we would need a place to stay as we were getting
Justin’s things together to go home. Well that’s all fucked up now isn’t it? But maybe not in all ways. I mean maybe
when Justin does come back on his own terms and whatnot he will be better off, in a better place. Or at least this is
what I am hoping for. I finally get settled into the hotel and call the P.I. agency to tell them that Justin is somewhere
in Chicago or just outside of Chicago. They know this and have already started to look into it. They say of course
they will call as soon as they find anything. I tell them they better not fuck it up this time.

When I finally get into bed I pull every single pillow in next to me where my baby is supposed to be and close my
eyes. I still haven’t been able to sleep in our bed, so actually being in a bed is very weird for me right now. See I
sleep on the couch and cuddle up to the back of it, trying to pretend that it’s Justin lying next to me. Pathetic? Fuck
you! I don’t care it’s what I have to do to even get those couple of hours that I manage a night. At least I know that
he has people looking out for him, that the doctor is going to be looking in on him and that makes me feel somewhat
better. Not even close to all the way, but it is something more than before. I won’t feel complete until the agency
finds him and I know where he is. Maybe I’ll even have someone from the agency follow him.......oh that is good, I
think I’ll do that.

*********************************************************************

Justin’s POV:

Well we are back to the apartments and I have gotten settled into my room at Lynn’s place. It’s nice actually; it has a
bed and really not much else. Just one dresser and an easel for me to work on. That’s pretty much it. She has already
gotten all my stuff into drawers so I don’t need to do that. My work is spread out all over the room. Against every
wall is a piece of my work so I take a while, which ends up being 4 hours, looking at my paintings and really seeing
what I was putting into them with a clear mind. I can feel everything and I know why I did each one and which one
means which. It really is amazing. Considering my state of mind when I did them. Let’s just say I wasn’t all there.
But now just looking at them, well I don’t think they are all that bad. There is however a lot that needs to be done
before they can go into the show.

“Justin I ordered us Chinese food, I hope that’s alright.” Lynn says through the doorway.

“Yeah it’s perfect. Thanks.”

“Looking at what needs to be done?” she says motioning to my work.

“Yeah”

“Well I don’t think it’s too much work. Just a little touching up on a few that got nailed when they were put in the
trash.” she says picking up one that really got it.

“Yeah well it’s my first show and I want everything to be perfect.” I tell her while examining the one she holds.

“Well they are perfect, they just need a little care, but I know how an artiste’ can be about his work.” She says with a
smile. I return the smile cause she’s right.

“I can say after taking the time to really look at them, they aren’t nearly as bad as I thought. There are actually quite
a few that I’m not sure I want to even put on display. I can see everything I was feeling when I did them and it is
actually helping me figure out what was going through my mind at the time. Which is surprising, I was just so out of
it. I didn’t know which end was up at the end there and I can’t believe my mind managed to get my feelings out so
perfectly when I couldn’t even figure them out. Does that make any sense?” I ask her finally looking into her eyes.

“A little bit, I know that when I paint and draw that it all just sorta flows through me. My feelings seem to just pour
out onto the canvas. Even if I don’t know exactly what’s going on in my head. Most of the time anyway, but not
always. Sometimes I have a very hard time getting anything out.” she says with a shrug.

“Well.” I say, taking my painting and putting it on the easel. “I’m just happy it managed to get there.” just then there
is a knock at the door.

“That should be the food.” she says wiggling her brows and making her way to the door. I take one last look at the
canvas thinking I’ll get started after we eat and turn to get some food. I am actually hungry, for something other than
hospital food. Yuck!


`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

The first Thursday,

This is the first time I went to see Dr. Hammond in his office and to say that it was hard is beyond an
understatement. He brought up the fact that I didn’t want to see my family and asked why I said I didn’t have any. I
told him how I didn’t want them to know what I had done; I didn’t want to burden them with it. He just told me that
my family seemed really concerned and that they wanted to help me and have me home with them.

“They would just stop their lives completely to take care of me and then I wouldn’t have any time to take care of
myself. I would have to put on this facade that I am ok and just perfect so they wouldn’t freak out on me. I can’t deal

with that right now. Plus they deserve to have their own lives and be able to live it as well. If I let them in now, that
would all stop. I want to be able to take care of myself. I don’t want them to feel like they have to.” I tell him.

“Alright Justin, then let’s really get to work on you so you can go home as soon as possible, because as much as you
don’t want to burden them, that’s how much they miss you and want you home.” he told me. Wow I still can’t
believe that one. Well yeah I can, I mean I know how much Mom and Daphne want me home.

I’m sitting in my room at Lynn’s house again thinking about all this and it is only like 3:00pm, so I decide to call my
mom hoping beyond hope I get her machine. ‘Ring ....
.......ring.’

“Hello?” ah no such luck.

“Hi mom.”

“Oh my god Justin!!” she yells into the phone. “Honey are you ok? They wouldn’t give us any information in the
hospital and then you left before we could get to you. Why, when they told you we were coming?” she says crying.

“I’m fine now mom I promise. I’m just not ready to go home and I just wanted to have a little time on my own to put
my head back together. Learn how to live on my own. And I just knew that if I saw you I would crumble and let you
take me home without dealing with the stuff I need to deal with........please mom try to understand, don’t be mad at
me.” I tell her in a small voice. I don’t know what it is but my mom and Deb have this ability to make me feel like I
am 12 and it’s just not a good thing. But if you figure you can get out of trouble, or get away with a lot more when
you use the 12 year old voice and look, it kinda makes it worth it.

“As long as you’re ok that’s all I care about. But Justin, why didn’t you call or write before to let me know this. I
have been worried sick and have been looking for you. And Brian.....”
“No, no, let’s not talk about him and please don’t blame him it was not his fault that I left. So please don’t give him
any grief, just let him live his life ok?” I tell her in a no nonsense voice.

“I know but he......” “No mom, if you mention him one more time I will hang up.” I tell her.

“No!! Ok I won’t mention him anymore please just don’t.......don’t hang up.” she yells into the phone.

“Alright then, I want to know what’s been going on in your life?” I tell her.

“Really? But I want to know all about what .........”

“No mom really, let’s talk about you. I never ask anymore what is going on in your life and you are always too
worried about what’s going on in my life to focus on yours. I am ok and getting better every day so that’s enough for
now. So let me know about your life.”

“Ok.” she says in surprise and we got to talk about everything going on in her life. I now know that she has been
seeing a very nice man named Joseph and that he treats her like a queen and Molly like a princess. I know that she
has gotten a promotion at work and is making a considerable amount more money than she was. I know that Molly
is doing great in school and that she actually misses me now and wishes she had her big brother around. She has
started to date just a little bit, which I think is insane, but hey I’m just the brother here. So that is another reason to
get home quicker. I need to watch out for her and give her, her big brother back, which I would really like as well.
We didn’t talk about my father at all but we did manage to talk for over an hour. When we hung up I told her I loved
her and she told me that she would let everyone know that I was alive and ok. I thanked her for that. She told me to
come home soon, that everyone missed me. I said that I was trying my best. Then we hung up. It felt really good to
talk with my mom. To have a real conversation with her, not just a ‘what drama has Justin gotten himself into now’
talk. It actually made me feel so much better. Plus I know that she will tell Daphne and Molly that I love them and
that they don’t have to worry about me, that I am working on getting home.

*********************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

He called home!!!! I just got a call from Jen and she told me she just hung up with him and that he is fine. But that
she wasn’t able to tell him about me and about everything that he doesn’t know. When she tried he refused to listen
and told her not to blame me and that it wasn’t my fault and not to give me a hard time. He also threatened to hang
up if she brought me up again. She tried to apologize but I quickly cut that thought off telling her I was glad she
didn’t let him hang up that she got a chance to really talk to him and tell him he’s wanted home and that he is loved.
I told her that was more important. But she did say that she would call me when and if he called back.

I just feel so much better now that he has called someone and knows how much at least she wants him home. I will
get my chance to tell him as soon as he gets back. Plus I have the added knowledge of knowing where he lives. The
P.I.s found out. It’s a nice apartment that is just outside of Chicago. They say it’s a really nice neighborhood and that
the building is very well guarded. I guess the guy who is watching him tried to see if he could get in to see him and a
security guard named Danny practically threw him out of the door by his arm. Suffice it to say, he never tried to do
that again. Which I am happy for, he shouldn’t have tried it in the first place. I want him to have his space and time;
I just want to know where he is at the same time to know that he is in fact ok. I do however feel kinda bad about not
telling Jennifer and Daphne that I found him. But if I did they would go to him and I just want him to be able to do
that part when he is ready. He should be able to decide that. I just wish he would be ready to come home already. I
miss him so much. But I guess this is what I asked for and now all I can do is wait for him and be ready for him
when he gets home. Which I am doing. No really, I am.

I have been trying to get my work ahead of schedule so I can take some time off when he gets back. I thought maybe
we could go away after everything settles down. I want us to be able to have some time to ourselves to work on our
problems. We never had a chance to do that. I have also started to ease up on my drinking. I was amazed I could do
that. I use alcohol to solve or at least help solve all my problems. I haven’t tricked at all since the rage party and I
actually feel great about it. I thought I would resent Justin or myself but I don’t, I feel like I am actually doing
something right for a change and it feels so good not to have to put that part of myself out there anymore. It really
was getting so hard to still fuck around and try to look at Justin afterwards. Knowing how much it hurt him. But the
worst part of all that was that I knew I didn’t need to do it and the fact is, I really didn’t care to or want to do it. But
it was just that I was scared of losing face or looking weak or not being the youngest hottest thing on Liberty Ave
anymore. What a stupid reason for hurting the person you love. For not giving them something that you want to just
because you worry about what other people think. Well that’s over with, I don’t need that part of my life anymore
and I won’t let anything hurt Justin or ruin our chance to be together. I will do anything to protect it, to protect us.
So that’s what I have been up to. It’s not much but I hope it will be enough. I guess we will see.

*********************************************************************

The night before the art show:

Justin’s POV:

I can’t believe it’s been a little over a month since I tried to kill myself. I mean at this point I can’t imagine doing
something like that. I got my stitches out a couple of days ago and now I have in their place two black leather bands
that Lynn got for me. I really like them and they cover up the scar’s perfectly. On the inside of the bands there are
inscriptions that have been burnt into them that say ‘you are never alone’ on one and ‘you are always loved’ on the
other. She said that way I could never forget. Or if I were ever stupid enough to try again I would have to take them
off and read the inscription and know better. I told her that I would never let myself get that far again. But she
insisted just in case. I can’t really blame the woman; I mean after all, she was with Danny when they found me. But
my life has been going so great since then it’s really almost unbelievable.


I have been to see Dr. Hammond twice a week every week since I have been out of the hospital and it has been
really helpful, he has showed me so much and helped me figure out what I want out of life and how to get it. He has
helped me face the past and deal with it. I won’t even come close to saying that I am done or cured, but I am dealing
with it now and that is more than I could have done before. Before I wasn’t even considering it and it was eating me

alive. I have been sleeping better too, well except for when I get consumed with my art but that is a good ‘not
sleeping’. I do however think about Brian almost non- stop and I dream about him every night. I dream about the life
I wanted with him and what it could’ve been like if he could’ve loved me. But I am learning to deal with the fact
that it will never happen and I am getting on with my life.

It’s not easy but I am still doing things and the fact that I had so much to do for the show really helped. Talking to
what has become my new family has really helped as well. Danny, Lynn and even Frank (Dr. Hammond) have
become my family here. They have been there to talk with me and listen to me and to get me out of the apartment
when I need it. They have been everything to me since that day. They even know when to back off and let me figure
things out for myself, which means so much to me. I have spent a lot of time alone lately and I didn’t know how
much good it could do to help me figure out my life until now. They have given me that. Knowing that they will be
there and still not give up their lives just because of ‘poor little Justin’s problems’ has given me that.

My mom and I have talked a couple more times since I called the first time, and while I haven’t told her about my
suicide attempt and most likely never will, we have managed to get closer with every phone call. I didn’t tell her
about my show, I really just want to get through it and if it is a success, then I will be able to tell her. But I just don’t
want the added pressure of her wanting to be there and then everything else that would follow it.

But anyway, I am all set for tomorrow. I managed to get all the paintings and sketches repaired and ready for the
show. We have spent the last four days getting everything framed and hung just the way I want them. It isn’t by any
means a big gallery, but it isn’t small either. It has a great feel to it and I really love being there. I think it is also
perfect for a first showing. I am just so excited; it has been so long since I have felt this way. I am however nervous
as hell! I mean who wouldn’t be right? But I will have Lynn there and Danny said he wouldn’t miss it for the world!
I even invited the Doc. He said he would love to go. So I’m all set and I even have a support team. Which three
months ago, I thought I would never have again.

“Hey Jus, Danny’s here and we are going to order Italian, so whatcha want?” she asks me, doing her patented wiggle
dance in my door. I just shake my head and laugh. I get up and she grabs my hands and has me doing it with her.
The things this chick can get me to do.

“You are something else. You know that?” I tell her. She starts dancing backwards pulling me with her.

“Ah, but you love me more because of it,......and don’t lie, you love dancin all silly with me.....” I shake my head
and laugh I look over and see Danny laughing his ass off.

“God how many times are you going to let her do that to you?” he says fighting to breathe and holding his side.

“Oh shut the fuck up asshole, it’s not like I haven’t seen her get you once or twice.” He sputters and coughs and
straightens up real quick. I just raise a brow and it’s Lynn’s turn to laugh. Which finally gets her to stop dancing, so
I take my chance and sit really quickly in the side chair. I pick up the menu and take a quick glance and decide on
chicken parmesan. It’s almost as good as Deb’s but not quite, hers has that special touch of love to it. I know it
sounds stupid but it’s true.

I call the restaurant and order up the food and we just sit around and talk until about 3am. I just have to get a couple
of things out of the way before tomorrow so I leave them to their own devices. They have started a relationship, one
that I think is really going to last. Lynn says she has had a crush on him since she first laid eyes on him and that was
about 7 months ago. I also found out that Danny has had the same crush on her. They just seem to fit together so
well. They complement each other perfectly. But I swear, they will take shots at each other every chance they get.
You would think they were fighting but no, it’s completely harmless and all in fun. It’s a little weird and oddly
enough; it reminds me of the way Brian and I were together. Only they are actually both falling in love. They really
are perfect together. I’m happy for them. So I left them alone and went to my room.

As I look around it feels a little empty without all my paintings and sketches surrounding me. But I did keep one
sketchbook just for myself. So I grab it and sit down and flip through it for the thousandth time. It’s got everyone in
here, all the ‘family’, yes I still call them that, and my mom and Daphne. The most important one though is still
Brian and then Gus coming in a close second. I’ve stared at these for hours on end and I sleep with it under my

pillow. Or if I fall asleep looking at it, it lays on my chest. It helps that little bit. You know. So tonight is no different
from the other nights when I climb into bed and look through it touching their faces and laughing a little,
remembering this time or that time. When I get to the pictures of Brian though, that’s when I open up and tell him
everything that is going on in my life. What my day was like and what I’m doing tomorrow, how I’m feeling and
what I want. Pathetic? Fuck you. It helps and anything that will help me through the lonely nights when I miss him
the most is more than welcome in book. I find myself drifting off now so I put the sketchbook down on my chest
next to my heart. I need the little extra connection tonight and then I let myself drift off. Tomorrow is a big day after
all.


Chapter 9: Ready As I'll Ever Be

Brian's POV:

So tonight is Justin's first show. He's got his very own show. I'm so incredibly proud of him and I wanted to be there
with him for this but I decided to give him his space a month ago and I will stand by that. Plus I gave up those rights
when I pushed him away, so I will just have to wait. I didn't tell anyone else about his show either; I mean if Justin
wanted any of us there he would have invited us right? I don't know, I’m just kinda playing all this out by ear. But
it's so hard; I am not a patient person by any means. So waiting for him to come back, waiting for him to be ready is
just killing. Especially since I know where he is. I have gotten into my jeep hundreds of times it seems, ready to go
to him. But I've managed to stop myself every time.

Jennifer has been really great throughout all this though. She has called me after every call from Justin and has told
me how he is doing and what he's up to, as well as what they talked about. I don't know if I can thank her enough for
doing that for me. It's helped me so much in being able to hold off on going out there, throwing him over my
shoulder and bringing him home. It's hard to think of anything else. It's what I dream about.

The family. Well everyone has settled down a little bit from when we thought we were bringing him home and
didn't. Debbie was heartbroken along with everyone else. Only there was one problem, Mikey. I am starting to have
second thoughts about him turning over a new leaf. I really believed he was making changes and that he was getting
his life together and that he had stopped with his hatred against Justin but now I just don't know. Ever since the day
we got back from Chicago he has been really clingy again and he just seems a little off. I just see him starting to go
back to the way he used to be and it worries me. I don't want him to screw up anything if......no when Justin comes
home. I swear to god if he tries anything I will kill him. I will not let him fuck this up for me and I won’t allow him
to put Justin down or make him feel badly. It just won’t fucking happen again! So I'm just a little nervous about that
but I have been trying to distance myself from Mikey. I can't say that I feel bad about it or that I have been really
missing him all that much, it has actually been a relief not to have to deal with him. The only thing that I wish is that
I could get him to stop with the constant phone calls. I mean we are talking about 10 to 20 calls a day now. I stopped
answering them a week ago. I just couldn't deal with them or him anymore.

So this has been my life for the last month. Just trying to make sure that everything will be okay for when I get my
baby back with me.

*********************************************************************


Justin's POV:

"So are you ready?" I turn around to see Lynn.

"Ready as I'll ever be." I say with a nervous smile.

"Good because they are opening up the doors right now.” She walks up to me and gives me a big hug, whispering in
my ear...."Don't be nervous, everyone is going to love your art and especially you."

"Boy you love to boost my ego don't you?" I say with a laugh. She pulls away with a smile and goes to my side
putting her arm through mine, leading me to the door.

"I'm only telling you the truth Jus, you just never believe me." We get to the door and the security guard begins to
open it. As we step inside Lynn leans towards my ear, "Now just smile pretty and mingle and above all have some
fun. This is your first show, you want to remember it as being fun." she says as the people start filing in. Woo here
we go....

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

A couple of hours later….

God I can't believe how this night has turned out. It has surpassed my wildest dreams. I have sold 60% of my
paintings already and everyone seems to really like my stuff. I am just floored by everyone’s reactions. Some only
see what they want to see which is fine cause I figure that's what some people need to do, but others can see what I
was going through. They see all the pain and angst in each of my paintings. It's just amazing. My head is going like
a million miles a minute. Danny has been here since the doors opened and has been close by the whole night. I think
he just wants to make sure I'm okay. He knows how nervous I've been about tonight. Frank showed up about an hour
ago, he had an emergency at the hospital. He's been looking through the paintings ever since. I'm kinda nervous
about his reaction, he's never seen any of my work before and he seems to be spending a lot of time with many of
my pieces. It's starting to slow down now though which I am actually thankful for. It's been a total whirlwind since
the doors opened and I’m extremely tired. Plus I have been doing too much thinking. I miss everyone. I mean I
know that I can't have them in my life anymore but it would've been nice to have them here with me. Especially
Brian. God how I wish he were here. I always thought that he would be beside me for my first exhibit. So it's just a
little disappointing.........ok so it's extremely disappointing. I'm also wishing that I had invited my mom. She
would've loved to be here for me. I shouldn't have taken that away from her. But it's a little late for that now.

"Justin I must say your work is absolutely amazing." Frank says. I give him a hug.......

"Thank you Frank. I'm so glad you came. It means a lot." I tell him as I pull back.
"I told you I couldn't wait to see your stuff. It's quite the turnout for an artist’s first show."

"Yeah I know, I have no idea how in the world Lynn got everyone here."

"She is pretty amazing." Danny says coming up behind me.

"Yeah she really is." I say. She is over with a group of people talking about one of my paintings. It's a little too
strange for me to watch as people talk over my stuff though, so Danny, Frank and I just chit chat a little as the
people go around. After a while Lynn comes and drags me off to meet and greet some of the more higher end
clientele, which was just fine with me. I got a lot of contacts and some offers to do shows in both L.A. and N.Y. I
even got a couple of numbers from people who are willing to represent me. It's been an amazing night.

When we finally got home I headed straight for bed. As I sat there on my bed I went through the pictures but only
for a minute before I stopped on Brian's. I must have rattled on for an hour about how everything went tonight; it felt
right to share it with him. After I was done I fell asleep with him on my chest..........

`````````````````````````````````

The next couple of days were pretty much a blur. I mean I really had no idea how much went into an art show. So
many people, so many hours of talking. Wow it's a lot. The next day the reviews came out saying that there was a
new artist in town that was brilliant.....can you believe that? Well anyway after that and all the other rave reviews;
the gallery was jam- packed every day. There seemed to be more people each night than the night before that. I got a
couple more offers from different galleries and sold every single piece in the show over the next week. It feels really
good to have people like my stuff. Plus Lynn didn't put any rinky dink prices on them, they were all highly marked
if I do say so myself and yet they still sold. Amazing. I won’t have to worry about money for quite a while and I can
even pay back Tony all the money he gave me. That feels even

better.

I had my session with Frank yesterday and we talked about me going home for the weekend. He thought it was the
best thing I could do for myself right now. He said that I deserved to see my family. So that's why I'm here standing
in front of my mom's townhouse waiting for someone to open the door.....

"JUSTER!!!!!!" Molly screamed as she launched herself into my arms.

"Oomph god Mollusk." Jesus she almost knocked me down.

"MOM!!!!" she screams into my ear.

"Molly please you’re going to burst my eardrums." I tell her. She pulls back....
"Oh I'm sorry it's just that well, we have been waiting for you to come home for forever and now you're here!" She
says with a sunshine smile. She got that from me by the way.

"Justin." my mom says as she comes down the stairs with open arms. I go to her and let her wrap her arms around
me, taking everything she's got to give me. I missed this. No matter how old you get I swear being in your mother
arms is still one of the safest places in the world. "I've missed you so much." She whispers into my ear.


"I missed you too Mom." I tell her pulling away to look over at Molly. “You too Mol." She smiles and I grab my
bag as we go into the house...........

*********************************************************************

Brian's POV:

So this past week has been pretty quiet actually. Surprisingly, Mikey has just about stopped calling altogether. I
guess he got the message....or at least I hope he did. But let’s move onto more important things..... like Justin. His
show was a huge hit. I made up a little scrapbook with all his reviews and a couple of photos that I got of the
paintings in the show. They are amazing but they are filled with so much pain and loneliness it's heartbreaking. So
that's why I have finally decided to go out there and see him. There is just no reason why he or I should be suffering
anymore. I mean it's not just because I want to see him, it's also because I want him to know the truth and hopefully
that will erase the pain and loneliness in his paintings. I'm just about to the airport when my phone rings. I almost
don't pick it up but I can never resist so I pull it out and see that it's Jennifer. So of course I answer......

"Hey Jennifer. How are you?"

"Brian he's here!" she says excitedly.

Oh my god she means...

"He who? He Justin?"

"Yes,...yes ‘he Justin’, he's in my living room."

"Oh my god."

"Brian get your ass over here NOW!" she tells me.

"I'm on my way. I'll be there in 20 minutes. Don't let him go anywhere. Just keep him there." I tell her, I'm scared
he'll disappear on me again.

"Oh don't worry about that I don't plan on letting him out of my site.....well at least until you take him home." She
has been so great through all this and we have become a lot closer which I'm sure Justin will like. She has accepted

me and now we just seem to get along really well. She's very intelligent and extremely nice. Always trying to do
right by her children even if she doesn't always get it right....she is trying and that's the most important part.

"Okay Jen. Thanks for calling me. I'll be right there."

"Okay....... Just hurry up." then she disconnects.

He's home! I was just about to go get him and now he's here.....if she would've called just a half an hour later I might
not have gotten the call. Thank god I got it. I swing a U’y at the next light and head straight to Jen's house......I
managed to get there in 15 minutes not 20. What can I say, I had the best motivation a man can have.....the man I
love is waiting for me there.

As I get out of the Jeep and start to walk to the door, I get the worst case of butterflies anyone has ever known. I am
so nervous to see him....oh I want to see him more than anything in this world but what if he doesn't want me
anymore......what if he hates me for doing what I did. For pushing him away. I just don't know what I'll do if that's
the case. I just can't live my life without him. I don't want to. I'm at the door and I have my finger at the bell but I'm
hesitating.......I'm scared.

*********************************************************************

Justin's POV:

God I am so happy I came to see my family. Frank was right; this is the best thing I could've done for myself. I
really needed this. My mom has been all over me since I walked in the door and Molly has been telling me about
everything at school and all the boys and all her friends and amazingly enough I don't really mind. I have missed
them so much it really wouldn't matter what we talked about at this point.

"Why don't we move this to the kitchen so I can start dinner?" my mom suggests.

"Sure thing." I say and we all get up to go to the kitchen when the doorbell rings......

"Why don't you two go on up I'll get the door." my mom says. So Molly and I head upstairs. But right before we get
to the kitchen I hear the voice that I didn't think I would ever hear again. Oh my god… they didn't......they got Brian
involved again. I told her not to.....Jesus!

"Mollusk go ahead and I'll be in there in just a minute." I have to go fix this.

"Alright ......but hurry up already, I'm hungry." she says and heads off.

I head down the stairs and there he is.....god he is so beautiful, why did they have to bring him here. Seeing him
makes my heart want to break again, I just want to cry. I hate that I can't be with him. Having him right here and not
be able to have him in my arms......it just hurts so much. This was a bad idea after all, I should've never came home.
I check myself really quickly putting every effort into making myself look strong and in control...... please just let
me get through this and then I will leave this city and never come back. There is no way I can go through this
again.....and there is no way I can let my mother keep pulling Brian into things. I'll have to have a talk with her later
about that but for now.......

"Mom." I say and they both look up to me. I try not to look at Brian I feel so bad that he has been brought into this
again. I didn't mean for this to happen. "May I speak with you for a moment?" I see her look to Brian

"Sure honey...."I walk back up the stairs and she follows. In a hushed tone I say...

"I thought I told you to leave him alone, to leave him out of this?"

"But honey he....."

"No it's fine I'll deal with this.....just go, but I think we really need to talk about this before I leave." I tell her as I
turn and head back down the stairs to hopefully make this all right again. Shit I have put him through so much and
now even as I try to let him live his own life he is still getting pulled in.....Damn It! When I get down there I stand in
front of him but I can't bring myself to look him in the eye.

"Hey listen I'm sorry for my mom I told her not to bug you.....but you know how mothers are they never listen but I
will make sure that she leaves you alone and this will never happen again. I'm going to leave town tonight and I
won’t be back.....so there is no need to worry. You won’t have to see me again." I ramble out......god he smells so
good. I need to get him out of here, before I lose it.

*********************************************************************

Brian's POV:

God he looks so good he smells so good he's rambling and I am only understanding about a quarter of what he's
saying. He won’t look at me though..... hey where's he going? I snap out of my thoughts and he is moving towards
the door.

"I know I have broken promises before but I have been trying and I will do everything I can to make sure this
doesn't happen again." he says as he opens the door. Why is my fucking voice not working he's standing right in
front of me "Fuck." ah there it is.

"I know I'm sorry but I didn't have any idea she was going to do this. If I would've known I wouldn't of come back."
he says. Oh god....... I move over to him and put my fingers under his chin and bring his face up so I can see those
beautiful blue eyes that I have missed so much. They’re even more beautiful than I remembered. I can see it there,
he still loves me.....I feel myself smile....

"You still love me!" I say and I let go of his chin grab him and lift him up to me and just hold on with everything
I've got. "You still love me." I whisper in his ear..... he still loves me. I feel his arms around me and it's the best
feeling in the world. I set him down and swoop in for a kiss. Oh god his lips are so soft. He seems to just melt into
me. I play my tongue against his lips and he opens to me and I just want to taste him and feel him. All the sudden he
pulls away and out of my arms, what happened? He turns and puts his head against the door. "Baby....."

"No please, there is no need to do this, I told you I would leave you alone that I would let you have your life back I
never said anything about not loving you.......that could never happen. Whatever my mom told you don't worry
about it, it's not your responsibility..." ah damn it.... I grab him and turn him to face me and I see so much pain and
love and tears......

"Baby....oh god I am so sorry, this is all my fault...."

"No it's not......"

"Stop it,...... it is my fault. I love you so much baby......" his eyes get huge. Then he shakes his head.

"Please don't do that, you don't have....."

"Your right I don't have to....I want to. I love you more than anything else in this world, have from the moment I saw
you." He opens his mouth..."No just listen to me. It's time I told you everything that I have been holding back from
you." He nods his head. "When I told you I wanted my old life back it was a lie....everything I said that night was a
lie. I was so scared and I thought that you would be better off without me. Living your own life....you were so
unhappy and I didn't think that I could give you what you wanted, so I made you leave, the only way I knew
how.....I used your love for me against you." god I feel like such a shit....I am a shit. He looks so torn on what to
believe right now. "I was ......it ripped my heart out to let you leave, to push you away.....I was so stupid. All you
ever wanted was for me to love you and I didn't realize it until Mikey....."

"Oh Mikey, he told me what was real....."

"No, no he lied. Nobody in the family ever thought of you like that, they have always loved you and wanted the best
for you just like me......he just saw his opportunity and took it. He should have never said those things to you. None
of it and I mean none of it was true. I will never let him do anything like that ever again. He came over that night
after the family dinner and he started going off about you and then he said what he told you and I lost it.........but
that's not important, what is important is that when he said you weren't ever coming back.... it hit me all the sudden
that I would do anything to make you happy, whatever it took and that I never wanted you to be out of my life. I
always want you by my side. Nothing else matters, just us.....I even stopped tricking. I haven't done anything since
the Rage party and I'm fine with that. See I was just scared that I wouldn't be the big bad Brian Kinney anymore. It
was so stupid to let that get in the way of what you and even I wanted. Cause I never wanted to hurt you that way
and you were always more than enough for me.....It was just my stupid ego getting in the way. But not anymore. I
won’t let anyone or anything get in our way ever again I swear to you. From now on it's just you and me, good times
bad times, through thick and thin. Everything and anything." He's got big eyes and he's not saying anything....."that
is if you still want me." I say and look away. I can't stand to look at him if he doesn't want me back..... oh god. He
grabs my face. He's smiling. That's a good sign right?

"Really........ everything you said....really?" he's not making much sense but I get it.

"Yes baby everything. I meant every word. Please let’s just start over ......from the beginning." I tell him.

"No.."

I feel my heart sink

“...no I don't want to start from the beginning. We have gone through way too much to go back there. We have
learned too much to pretend that our past isn’t part of us. We just need to go from here.......here is perfect."

"I could go from here..... I love you Justin."

"I love you too."

I lean down and put my lips to his, a second later he parts his lips and I slowly trace every line and curve of his
mouth, taking my time to taste him and feel him. I pull him against me as tightly as I can....I am never letting this
man go ever again. He's stuck with me now.

"Hhhhhmmmm." we hear and I pull away from him and look to see Molly standing at the middle of the stairs, hand
on hip...."are you two coming? Or do I have to get the hose first?"

"Yes Molly we're coming......" Justin says as she turns and heads back to the kitchen.

"Mom's making dinner."

"Ah." He wraps himself around me putting his head on my chest and under my chin. I kiss the top of his head and
say..." Let’s go eat so I can take you home." He looks up and smiles a sunshine smile. I brush a strand of hair from
his forehead and lean down to kiss him.

"I'd love that." he says against my lips. Then we are back to making up for all the lost kisses.

"Mmoooommmm. We’re going to have to hose them dowwwnnn." I pull back and we both chuckle.

"Molly dear, would you please leave them alone already?" Jenni fer says.

"Oh fine."

"I guess we better get up there." he says, going to my side. We have our arms around each other as we walk up the
stairs and into the kitchen.

We spent the next couple of hours staying as close to each other as possible constantly touching each other. Until
finally Jennifer told us to go home already and just call her tomorrow. We ran out of there before she was even
finished with her sentence yelling that we would call her and of course Justin saying he loved her.

We jumped in the Jeep and headed home. The whole ride there he kept his head against my shoulder and his hand
under mine, our fingers intertwined on the stick shift. We would kiss when the lights were red and get honked at for
missing the fact that the light had turned green again. When we pulled up in front of the loft and got out we met on
the sidewalk, my arm going around his waist his around mine. I kissed the top of his head and we headed inside the
building. We took the elevator up and I leaned against the wall and pulled him against me, wrapping both my arms
around him tightly, kissing him softly until we made it to our floor. We got out and I unlocked the door and shoved
it open. I swept him off his feet and into my arms with him giggling and leaning over to kiss me. Once inside he
slides the door shut and locks it. When he's done he moves to kiss me again. We kiss as I walk us to the bedroom. I
have my eyes open looking from his face to the floor to the stairs to our bed.....finally. It's made perfectly, just
waiting for him to come home. I lay him down in the middle of the bed laying on top of him I just stare at him,
having the feeling of absolute relief come over me that he is finally home back in my arms. Everything is going to
be okay now and I feel the tears start to run down my cheeks.

"Bri...what's wrong?" he asks, thumbing away my tears. I just run my hands along his face and through his hair.

"Just....I missed you so much and I wasn't sure if you were ever going to come home and just having you here
knowing that we are going to be okay, knowing you still love me.....it's just.....they’re happy tears." I see a couple of
tears slip past his eyelids and I thumb them away.

"I never stopped loving you Brian, never. That could never happen. You do know though that we have to work hard
to make sure that we are okay.....right?" he asks.

"Yeah I know and I am more than willing to work as hard as I have to, to make sure that we are more than okay.
That we stay that way and together. Whatever it takes Sunshine, I am willing to give." I say staring into his eyes so
he knows that I am telling the truth...... "God I love you."

*********************************************************************

Justin's POV:

"That's all I ever wanted Bri, was for you to love me......for you to let me love you. I'm sorry for all my mistakes and
I am really trying to make things better...."

"Baby ......we are going to fix things together this time. This time it's you and me doing this. Sure we’re going to
make mistakes but that's okay cause we can work through them together." He says while running his hands through
my hair.

"I can't believe this is happening. I never thought I would get to be here again. In your bed......"

"No this is our bed......I couldn't even sleep in it since the night you left. It just wasn't right sleeping in our bed
without you here. I just couldn't do it...." he says in a small voice.

God, he couldn't sleep in our bed? I always considered it our bed but I never thought he did. "Where did you
sleep.....for 3 months?"

"I slept on the couch when I could manage to get any sleep at all." I look over to the couch and sure enough there is
a pillow and duvet folded nicely on the cushions. I look back into his eyes and I see all the love he has for me.....it's
unmistakable now. He's letting me see everything.

"Make love to me, Brian." I tell him. He starts to undress me slowly taking everything off both of us. When he
finishes he lays back down on me, I start running my hand down his cheek. He turns into my touch letting his eyes
close. I bring my hand to the back of his neck lightly massaging it and moving his lips down to mine,

"I have waited so long for this......" he says before his lips touch mine and we become lost in each other. I love the
way he tastes, the way he feels on top of me....everything about him. I love him and now I know he loves me too. I
can never question it again; never want to question it again.

He has his hands in my hair lightly running his fingers through the strands as we kiss; it's a perfect kiss so slow and
so tender. I rub my hands up and down his back feeling every muscle in his lean body. So good.....he pulls away and
starts to lick and place open mouth kisses along my jaw. I can feel his warm breath against my ear and it sends a
shiver through me. He licks around my ear bringing my ear lobe into his mouth between his teeth licking both sides
slightly nibbling, I start rocking my hips against him feeling our cocks move against each other. He opens his mouth
and I feel him gasp and shutter at the sensation.

"Mmmm." I moan it feels so good..... he buries his face into my neck. Slowly licking circles against my skin, he
knows that this is my favorite spot. That this is what gets me so hot I can't see straight. He places open mouth kisses
all over my neck and when he gets to my collarbone I can feel him start to nibble and suck "huuuuu." I breath out.

"I know every spot that you love to have licked and kissed and nibbled." he whispers into my ear.

"This is my favorite spot......"

"I know." he breaths as he continues to suck on my neck, I'm sure that I will have marks all around my neck, this
will be the first time he has ever marked me in a place everyone could see.

*********************************************************************

Brian's POV:

I take my time kissing every part I know he loves, every part I have missed. Smelling him, tasting him. I want to
have his cock in my mouth so I start to work my way down not skipping any part as I lick and kiss every inch along
the way. Slowly licking and sucking and nibbling on his nipples making sure they are hard and taut, licking circles
around his belly button before I dip my tongue in and out nibbling along the edges. I bring my hands down his sides
dragging my fingernails and stopping to grip his hips, holding him still. I bury my face in his soft hairs, rubbing my
cheek against his cock. He tries to buck his hips but I have a tight hold on him. I want to enjoy this. I bring my face
down rubbing my nose into his balls, breathing in his sweet scent. "Mmmm." so good. I start to lick them and when
they are completely covered in my saliva I go to the bottom of his balls and move my tongue up over the middle and
onto his cock all the way to the tip. His feet are searching for footing but keep on slipping so I move my arms and he
brings up his knees as I replace my hands on his hips. I swirl my tongue around the tip bringing in all his pre cum
dripping from the tip. He thrusts his hand into my hair tangling his fingers and gripping at it. I swirl my tongue one
more time enjoying the taste of him on my tongue before I open up and take him all the way in. He practically sits
straight up and gasps for air. I move up and down swirling and sucking at the tip before I make my way back down.
All too soon I start to feel him shake and then I feel him grip my shoulders and yank me up....has he gotten stronger?
Ummmm I love it. I look into his eyes and see that they are a deep sparkling blue,

"I don't want to cum until you're inside of me.....please. It's been too long." I know what he means, I haven't been
with anyone else in a little over three months so all I want to do is sink myself into his nice tight hole. It's what I
have been waiting for, dreaming of. I have wanted no one else, just him. So I pull myself all the way up and grab for
the condom and lube on the dresser. He grabs the supplies from me and flips open the top to the lube and squeezes a
nice amount onto my fingers. I rub it around and warm it up for him and when I get to his hole I make some lazy
circles before I start to push the first finger in into his warm oh so tight hole. "Hhhmmm. Yes." I slowly open him up
with one then two then three fingers till he's practically writhing off the bed. "Now Bri....."

"Ok baby." I say as I put the condom on and pull my fingers out, sliding myself onto him and putting the tip of my
dick to his hole. He wraps his legs around my waist as I start to slowly push past the first ring of muscle. "God baby

too tight." I won’t last long; it feels like the first time all over again. I look into his face, so gorgeous....his mouth is
slightly open, lust glazed eyes as I move past the first ring I see him wince and I stop......

"No please more...." he says and I continue just as slowly until I am all the way inside of him,.....I feel myself
shaking trying to hold off my orgasm. Being inside of him again, so tight and warm, when I feel him relax into me
and I feel myself calm down I lean down and kiss him. He opens his mouth and our tongues start to move together
as our bodies do the same. We move into our own sensual rhythm that we have perfected over three years together
and I just couldn't imagine it being any better with any other person ever. Justin is who I am meant to be with for the
rest of my life, this is where I belong no one could ever fill this space in my heart or make me feel complete the way
he does. I feel him grip the back of my neck and it brings me out of my thoughts. The look in his eyes brings me to
the brink again so I put my hand underneath his head, I pull away from our kiss and swivel my hips and thrust, deep
and hard right against his prostate....

"Brian!" he gasps out as his eyes go wide before rolling back into his head.

"Cum with me baby........are you ready?" I hit his sweet spot two more times.

"Ah yes!" he cries out as I feel his hole spasm around me sending me spiraling over the edge. I keep thrusting into
him through my orgasm feeling his nails drag across my back as he twists and turns under me.

"Hmmm, baby." I almost want to cry at the feelings pulsing through me. When both our orgasms finish rolling
through us I let myself fall on top of him. He unwraps his legs but his arms are still tightly around my neck, with my
head on his shoulder. He turns his face looking into my eyes, I run my hand across his cheek and he leans in and he
kisses me. He slightly pulls away from me just a breath away from my lips and whispers....

"I love you."
"I love you too baby." I whisper back leaning in that tiny bit to place another soft kiss on his lips and when I pull
back he looks closely and deeply into my eyes,....all I can do is open myself up completely to him and show him
everything in my soul and hope he sees
it.....

"I know." is all he says before snuggling into me, pulling me closer as I bury my face into his neck, kissing him
there softly before I let myself drift off into the best sleep I have ever had in my life.

*********************************************************************

Justin's POV:

When I wake up the next morning I am wrapped up in Brian's arms. My hands are pulled up to my chest and my
head is resting on his chest. I open my eyes and the first things I see are......the leather bands around my wrists. Fuck
what am I gonna do about these? What am I going to tell him? How do I explain? My heart starts to beat a thousand
miles a minute and I feel a panic attack coming on. No, no, no, not now...... I slowly get myself untangled from
Brian and slide from the bed. I automatically open up my dresser drawers and see that they are empty....but of course
they are. I grab up the sheet that has been thrown onto the floor during the night and throw it haphazardly around
me. I move quickly down the stairs grabbing the phone and running back up the stairs and into the bathroom. I close
the door and lock it behind me before I sink into a corner that I feel safe in and dial the number that I have
memorized.

"Dr. Hammond." my mouth is so dry and I can barely breathe. My body is shaking, and my heart is pounding so
hard that it almost hurts, I can barely think......I hate this.

"Hello? Can you tell me your name?"

"Frank...." I barely get out.

"Justin....what's wrong?......"

"Pa...nic...."

"Ok Justin just breathe slowly in and out. Just concentrate on breathing and nothing else. Close your eyes and just
relax. Your okay...nothing is going to hurt you, just keep breathing." He continues to mutter non-sense in a nice
calming voice. When I finally calm down and I feel myself returning to normal, he stops and asks.." Justin, are you
feeling better now?"

"Yeah....I just lost it....and it just hit me....and I couldn't, I didn't know what else to do."

"No you did the right thing Justin. I'm your doctor as well as your friend and this is what I am here for."

"Thank you Frank."

"Now why don't you tell me what happened to bring this panic attack on." He says in his calm neutral voice.

"I ......well I guess I should start at last night. See Brian showed up at my mom’s house...." and I start to ramble off
everything that happened and everything that was said and a little bit of what happened when we got back to the
loft." Then when I woke up this morning the first thing I saw were the black bands around my wrists, covering my
scars and I just started to freak out. What am I going to say to Brian? How do I explain this to him? Just ....what am I
going to do?"

"Don't you think the best thing to do is to tell him the truth?" he asks.

"I don't know Frank."

"Do you want to have a relationship with Brian? One that will last?"

"Well of course I do."

"Well than you need to be honest with him. Otherwise you will be holding a part of yourself back, not letting him
see the part of your life that has contributed to who you are now."

"Your right, I know you are, I'm just scared."

"I know you are but if he loves you as much as he says he does than you have nothing to be worried about. He will
still love you after he knows the truth."

"I hope so."

"And you know that you always have Lynn, Danny and I right?"

"I know. You guys have been like family to me. I would never forget that."

"Good, I'm glad. Now get yourself off the floor and wash off your face, pull yourself together and if you need me
again do not hesitate to call me. I'm always here for you."

"I know Frank, thank you. I'll call you later to let you know how everything went."

"Ok talk to you later than. Bye."

"Bye." And then I hang up. I knew that he could put me back together. I know he's right about telling Brian the truth.
I mean the only way I could ever hide something like this is to never see him again and that is just not something
that I am willing to do. So I pick myself up off the floor and rinse my face off. After I dry my face, I drop the towel
and look at my leather bands for a minute, I slowly take them off and set them to the side; I turn them over and look
at what I did to myself.....................................

I take the knife and put it to my left wrist. I push it in to the bottom of my palm and drag it up over my vein. I watch
for a second as the blood starts to flow, running off the sides. It hurt but not as much as I thought it would. The pain
in my head outweighs it by far. I switch the knife to my other hand and put the blade to the bottom of my palm and
run it up and over the vein. I put the knife down and watch for a second as the blood runs over my wrists, down and
soaking into my jeans. I feel a chill go through my body and I close my eyes.......'knock...., knock'

"Justin.....baby are you in there? Why is the door locked?" 'Knock....

"Yea Bri. I'm in here." I take a look in the mirror and a deep breath, I turn and go to the door clicking over the lock
and sliding it open........

"Hey you ok?" he asks bringing his hand up to cup my cheek. I lean into his hand....

"I need to um… I need to tell you something." I tell him looking into his eyes and holding his hand to my face. He
brings his free hand around my back pulling me into him. Rubbing the small of my back....

"Baby you can tell me anything....."

"I hope so....." Before he can answer to that I continue with "let’s sit down." I pull myself from him and sit on the
middle of the bed. He slowly turns around with a confused look on his face but he comes over to the bed and crawls
up to the middle sitting in front of me taking my hands in his. I look at our hands and fingers twined together.

"Justin,....baby look at me." I do and he looks scared, I probably look the same. "You can tell me anything and I
swear it won’t change how much I love you. It won’t make me turn away from you again. Nothing like that will ever
happen again. I won’t let it. You mean way too much to me and I am never letting you go again....you’re stuck with
me now." God I hope he's telling the truth cause I know this is a doosey.

"Brian when I was away I sunk into a deep depression and my headaches were extremely bad and nonstop. I mean I
was at the point that I had a headache 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and I was having panic attacks, so many that I
couldn’t count......."

"Baby I am so sorry...." he says taking me into his arms. "I never meant for you to...."

"Bri let me finish please, just let me get through this." I say pulling away from him; I feel the tears starting to fall
down my cheeks and him brushing them away. I turn my hands over so I can see my scars. They are actually very
nicely sown up, they’re not ragged or anything. I made nice clean lines that they closed up neatly. God I know, what
a thing to be thinking about now of all times. I look back up into his eyes and say "I did something that I thought
would end all the pain and I did it because it is the only thing that I thought I had left...." I lift up my arms and let
him see the damage. I hear him gasp and take my arms into his hands.

"Baby.....God. This is why you were in the hospital.......you called me when you did this. I knew something was
wrong, I just knew it. This is all my fault......"

"NO, Damn it! This is what I did. It had nothing to do with you, I made my choices. I'm the one who made this
decision and it had nothing to do with you. I was just really depressed and with all the medical stuff on top of that, it
was just a mess. But I'm okay now and I am working on everything that I have been holding inside since the prom
and the bashing......." I see tears coming down his cheeks and this is exactly why I didn't want to tell him I didn't
want him to blame himself. I wipe away his tears, he grabs my hand and brings it to his mouth kissing it a couple of
times and then kissing the scar bringing it back to his cheek he holds it there.

"Promise me you will never do anything like this again. I could never stand losing you....please."

"I swear I will never do anything like this again. But not for you, for me. When I did this it was because of me not
because of you and if I can't not do it for myself then there is no hope. Something like this is all because of me not
you. Do you understand?"

"I think so. Come here." he pulls me into his lap and wraps me in his arms.

"Bri.....I can't breathe." he loosens his grip just the slightest bit, just enough for me to breath.

"Is that better?" he breathes into my neck.

"Yeah.....perfect." I kiss the side of his head and bury my face in his soft auburn hair. I feel him kiss the side of my
neck and pull back.

"What do you say we jump in the shower?"

"I'd say lead the way, gorgeous." I flash him a smile, which he returns while leaning in for a kiss. After we make out
for a while we get up and walk into the bathroom hand and hand. He turns on the water making sure that it is perfect
for me and him both. See we came to an understanding on water temperature a long time ago, he likes it steaming
hot and well, I can't handle it so we compromised. It's the first thing he ever gave up for me. It may be something
small and insignificant to other people but for Brian and I it's something huge. So it will always be important to me
no matter how small it seems. He steps in pulling me right along with him, right under the spray. Ah perfect.
Without a word we wash each other’s hair and slowly start to wash each other’s bodies which of course leads to
another round of love making....it always does, never fails. We orgasm together, screaming each other’s names and
gently move on to washing each other off. We get out and continue with the rest of our morning rituals. This is
probably the most comfortable I have ever felt here. The most at home, the most loved......

"Baby do you want to go out to eat? I really don't have anything to eat here and I know that a lot of people would
like to see you. Maybe we could get your mom to go out with us." he says buttoning up his shirt.

"Sure we could go out, let me just call my mom and see if she can meet us....where, at the diner?"

"Of course, unless you'd rather go somewhere else? We can go wherever you'd like." he says while he comes to
wrap his arms around me, kissing me quickly.

"Mmmm. No the diner is fine. I'd really like to at least see Deb." I tell him rubbing my hands up and down his chest.
I notice that I don't have my bands on. Gotta get those. "Hey Bri, could we keep this just between us? I don't want
anyone else to know."


"I would never tell anyone anything you don't want me too. You have my word." he says kissing my forehead, my
eyes, my nose, then my mouth. I open my mouth letting his tongue come inside. This is exactly the kiss he gave me
on the dance floor, I haven't told him about that yet......

"One more thing." I say as I pull away.

"What's that baby?" he says licking his lips.

"I remember our dance. I remember you walking into the dance hall, how gorgeous you were and even how scared
you were." He's got the biggest smile on his face right now and I can't help but return it. "It really was the best night
of my life."

"Even if it was ridiculously romantic?"

"Especially because it was ridiculously romantic, but most of all because it was you showing me how much you love
me....giving us a chance, even if it didn't work out that way. But most of all because you were there for me when I
asked you to be."

"Always sunshine, always." he says leaning in and kissing me like never before. We didn't make it out of the
bedroom for another two and a half hours. When we finally did I called my mom and she said she would meet us at

the diner but Molly was at her friends for the night. I went and got my bands on and we headed out hand and hand to
the Jeep and to the diner....


Chapter 10: Diner Style

Brian’s POV:

God this is the happiest I have been in so long. He’s here by my side holding my hand, looking absolutely
incredible. I lift up his hand to my mouth and place a soft kiss against the back. So soft. He looks over to me giving
me a bright smile, which I return of course. He could make anyone smile with that smile.

“So how’s everyone doin?” Justin asks.

“Everyone’s been doin really good but they all missed you very much and worried about you constantly. Shit Deb
calls me three times a day to check on the progress, of the P.I.’s which I really don’t blame her for since I wanted to
call the P.I.’s myself every time I turned around.”

“You mean you hired a private detective to find?” he asks in a surprised voice.

“Of course I did. When I went to Daphne’s after Mikey came and told me what he did to you, and she told me that it
was a lie you weren’t leaving and then when we found your note saying that you in deed leave and weren’t coming
back we tried to call your cell phone and it wasn’t on, and I just wouldn’t wait around for you to call since we had
no idea when that would be and I didn’t want to wait another minute and I didn’t want to be without you any longer
than I had to.....but it seems that I had a very bad P.I. because he never found you, we even looked in Chicago it was
the second city we looked into but nothing of course because you were right outside of the city limits.....but you
would think that they would’ve looked into the immediate surrounding areas. But it doesn’t matter anymore your
home now that’s all that matters.” I say giving him a smile and taking his hand into mine giving it a squeeze. God it
feels perfect having him back with me.

“How is Daphne?” holy shit.....

“Oh my god we have to call her! I can’t believe I didn’t call her the moment I found out you were back. God she is
going to kill me.” I say but he’s laughing. I look over to him with raised eyebrows.

“Oh it’s just funny how you are so scared of a little 5'2 girl.” hunh well.

“Oh just wait till she gets a hold of you she’s seriously going to kick your ass.” I tell him with a smirk you see him
straighten up really quick the smile slipping away from his face. I squeeze his hand again, he looks over to me less
happy then I’d like.....”Don’t worry, Jus I’ll protect you.” I say with a smile that he returns.

“Thanks.” he says with a chuckle as we pull up to the front of the diner. He looks over into the window, as do I and
the whole gang is here.....”Whoo maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” he says.

“Don’t worry baby they are going to be so happy that you are home and that your ok. Plus I’m here right by your
side and if anything happens that isn’t happy reunion stuff I’ll take care of it. I promise.” I tell him looking into his
eyes. He nods his head and I let go of his hand get out of the Jeep and go around to meet him as he gets out. I take
his hand back into mine and lean down and kiss him softly. “You ready?” I ask

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” he says. And we walk into the diner him lagging behind. The bell on the door rings
announcing our arrival. And everyone in the whole place looks to me.

“Guess who came home?” I say pulling him from behind me.

*********************************************************************

Justin’s POV:

Oh my god everyone is just staring at me and I knew that this wasn’t a good idea I should’ve known better. What if
Brian was all wrong what if he just never saw it either that they just tolerate me?

“Why the fuck is it so god damn quiet out here...” Deb says coming out of the back....stopping dead in her tracks as
she sees me. Her hand goes over her mouth and I see the tears coming down her cheek.

“Hey Deb.” I say in a small voice. She motions with her hands for me to go over to her, and I do. When I reach her
just a few steps away she envelopes me into a hug that would rival any I have ever gotten crying into my shoulder. I
put my arms around her rubbing her back and whisper. “Please don’t cry.”

“Oh Sunshine I can’t help it......god I have missed you so much and I we just didn’t know when you’d be back or if
you’d be back. And ....and.” oh she breaks out into another sob.

“It’s ok Deb. I’m so sorry I didn’t know, and I didn’t mean to hurt you that’s the last thing I ever wanted.....I love
you way too much to do that to you.” I tell her softly.

“I know, I know what happened and why you left. And I am so sorry for my son.....”

“No you had nothing to do with that.” I tell her.

“Alright but just so there is no miss understandings, I love you as if you were my own son.....so never doubt that
ever again no matter what anyone ever says, do you understand me?” she says looking into my eyes and cupping my
face. I just nod my head to afraid that I’ll break down in front of everyone. She hesitantly steps back from me,
holding onto my arms and looks over to the table with where everyone is sitting, and when I look over at everyone I
see Ted with a big smile Em with his hand over his mouth with a couple of tears coming down his face, Lindsay’s
got tears coming down as well and Mel has a smile while rubbing Linds’ back. “Well what the fuck is everyone
waiting for?” I hear Deb say and then it seems everyone gets up at once and has me in a big group hug.

“Ah baby we missed you so much.” “Never do that again, we were so worried about you.” “Oh god I am so glad you
are ok.” this coming from all their mouths before finally......

“Ok everyone let me have him back.” I hear Brian say. Then they we all kinda chuckle as we let go of each other
and I step back into Brian’s awaiting arms, where he hugs me and gives me a kiss on the forehead and tilting my
head up he gives me a sweet kiss on my lips.

“Ahhhh!” everyone in the diner sighs.

“Oh god.” Brian says and pulls me against him for a hug. I just giggle, this is great. “Come on let’s sit down.....”

“JUSSIN!!!!! JUSSIN !!!!” I hear coming in fast behind me. I turn out of Brian’s arms and get down just in time to
catch Gus as he flings himself into my arms. With his arms firmly around my neck I stand up and squeeze him to
me, closing my eyes and just thanking the heavens that I can have him back in my life, I feel a tear creeping down
my cheek and I don’t care I have missed him so much, I could barely believe it myself.

“I missed you so much little man......” I tell him.

“I know daddy saided you did.” he tells me. I pull back just a bit so I can see his eyes.

“He did, did he?” I question. He nods his head.

“Uh huh. And he saided that you loved me very much.” I just nod my head.

“Well he was very, very right I did miss you and I do love you very, very much.” I tell him wiping at my eyes just a
bit and turning to give Brian a sunshine smile.....when Gus puts his hands on my face turning me to look at him once
again.

“Jussin.....pleeze don’t go away again....ok?” he says in a small voice.....oh boy I never meant to hurt him.

“Never again Gus I promise and if I ever have to go somewhere I will always make sure that you can always call me
whenever you need to or want to....ok? How does that sound?” he brightens up.

“Sounds goood!” he says with a smile.

“Ok so what do you say we sit down and eat? I am starving.” I tell him.

“Me too!” he says as I sit us down in the booth behind the others.....there just isn’t enough room. I sit near the wall
with Gus by me and Bri on the other side of Gus.

*********************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

The family looks so happy to have him home. Debbie I know was both happy and relieved to have him home. I
know how worried she was when he was gone with no one to turn to and no family. Plus knowing everything that I
did to get him to leave and everything that Mikey did. She was just a big ball of worry and tension, and the moment
she saw Justin standing in the middle of the diner I just saw it all drain away. She looks a hundred times better. And
god when Gus came back in and saw Justin. You could just feel the room brighten up I swear. He has missed ‘his
Jussin’ so much, and now he has him back. Like father like son. Justin is good for us.

But then I saw Mikey standing behind him and my blood began to boil. I couldn’t help it I saw the shock and
confusion on his face, and when he looked up at me, I gave him a look that no one could miss interpret. It was a look
saying I swear to god I will kill you if you fuck this up for him. And I will. I won’t stand for him to hurt Justin
anymore, it won’t happen. Plus I promised Justin a happy reunion and that’s what he’s going to have one way or
another. Shit I got to call Daphne. I take out my phone as Justin and Gus examine the menu.... it’s so cute watching
how good Justin is with him reading off the different choices and telling him what it comes with......ah! Ok, ok I am
off track again.....but with both my boys beside me how could I not? No I guess I can’t call Justin a boy
anymore.....he’s definitely a man.....My Man! I smile at the thought.

“What are you smiling at?” I hear Justin ask. I look over to him and see a silly grin on his face and my smile never
wavers as I tell him.

“I was just thinking how happy I am to have my son and my man sitting beside me.” I tell him watching as his silly
grin turns into a full-fledged sunshine smile and I feel his hand rub the back of my neck.

“I love you.” he tells me and without hesitation I tell him...

“I love you too baby.” and I lean over behind Gus to give him a soft peck. “Alright I have to call Daphne.” I say
turning my attention back to my phone....

“It’s good to have you home Justin.” I hear Mikey say and I look up to see him standing at the end of the table.

“Um it’s good to be home....thank you Michael.” Justin says and I look over to him, and he looks a little
apprehensive. I don’t blame him......”would you like to sit down and have breakfast with us?” Justin says and my
mouth literally just drops open. I can’t believe after everything he is willing to have breakfast at the same table as
this man...but then again he forgave me all my misdeeds. But then again he loves me. Shit I don’t even want to have
breakfast with this fuck.

“Yea Uncle Mikey have beakfust wif us.” Gus says. Ah fuck I groan inward and wait for his response.

“Sure I would like that.” Mikey says and I just look to him telling him in my own way to still not fuck this up, he
nods his head I know he understands me, and sits down across from us.

“Well Gus have we decided on what we want?” Justin asks.

“Yeppers...I want pancakes wif whip cweam and, and cocwate chips.” Gus says with finality.

“K. Sounds good....” he says looking over his shoulder and waving down Deb, I am sure.

“You decide what you want sunshine?” she asks with a huge smile on her face.

“Yep.” and then he goes off on what he wants and Gus wants and Mikey orders as well and I notice that Deb gives
him a similar look as I did. Good maybe that will keep him quiet.

“And what would you like sweety?” she asks me.

“Coffee, and dry toast.....” but Justin interrupts me.

“Oh no Bri eat something a little more than that......”

“Justin.....” Mikey starts to cut Justin off but with one deadly look from me he shuts up....good because he did not
want to finish that sentence.

“Alright baby, how about I have some eggs and a donut with my toast?” I ask him I see him smile and nod his head
and hear Deb writing it down.

“Good alright, it shouldn’t be that long. And I’ll be back with your drinks in just a minute.” Deb says with same big
smile, as she walks back to the kitchen window. She bring us our drinks and continues with her orders and other
customers.

“Daphne! Damn it.” I flip open my phone and hit the speed dial before I can get distracted once again.
‘Ring........ring’

“Hey Brian what’s up?” she ask cheerfully.

“I was wondering if you could meet us at the diner?” I ask her.

“Who is us cause you know I just can’t stand that little whiny sniveling thing you call your best friend.” I have to
laugh she hates Mikey with a passion, and I don’t blame her.


“Daphne you know that hasn’t been true for a long time now.” I tell her cause the moment I found out what he had
done....that was it I realize he wasn’t my true friend, my happiness never mattered to him it was always what he was
waiting for what he could get what he was feeling and so on and so on.

“Good just making sure.” she tells me.

“So you coming down?”

“Yea I should be there in about fifteen minutes I was over near their anyways.”

“Alright then see you soon.” I tell her.

“Yep...bye”

“Bye.” I tell her and flip my phone shut. I look over to Justin and he is watching me waiting for me to tell him
what’s going on.....”she said she would be here in about fifteen minutes.”

“Ok.”he says. Looking to the door as we hear the bell ring I see Jennifer walk in with a huge smile on her face. “Hey
mom.” Justin says with a smile to match.

“Hi sweetheart.” she says making her way to our booth. “Brian honey.” she says leaning down giving me a kiss on
the cheek before getting into the other side of the booth and leaning over the table and giving Justin a kiss on the
cheek before sitting down.


“Hello Jennifer.” Michael says. When she realizes who she is sitting next to, you can see her face fall, all of her
excitement gone, as she looks at him with nothing but disgust, before looking to me for answers. I shake my head
looking towards Justin. Telling her silently that it wasn’t my idea. Shaking her head and putting on her best wasp
smile looks over and says

“Hello Michael.” then looks away. Turning her attention to way more important things being Justin and my son. “So
how’s my son?” she’s with a true smile on her face now.

“I’m doing really good. How’s my gorgeous mom?” he asks with a radiant smile.

“She is doing a lot better with her son sitting across from her.” she says sincerely.

“Good. I’m glad.” he says.

“Hey Jenn! Isn’t it great that sunshine is back?” Debbie says coming and dropping off our orders.

“Oh god yes.” she replies.

“Have you eaten yet?” Deb asks her.


“No......could I get a chef salad?”

“Sure you can....but are you sure that’s all you want?”

“Yes I’m sure but thank you.”

“Ok it’ll be just a few minutes anything to drink?”

“Just some ice water.”

“Ok be back in a minute.” and then she’s off. Jenn takes Gus’ plate and cuts up his food for him while we get into
our breakfast. Michael is keeping quiet and I am very thankful for the fact. Justin is eating with a smile on his face
watching his mother cut up Gus’ food and get him situated. I know how he feels. Right as Deb is bringing over
Jenn’s food the door to the diner opens up and low and behold it’s Daphne, smiling as she sees me. And walking
over to me. She looks over and stops dead in her tracks.


“Justin!” she walks quickly over to our side literally pulling me out of the booth and practically tossing me to the
side, I am quite surprised I had no idea she was that strong. I quickly turn before she can do anything else and grab
Gus out of her way, just barely getting by as she throws herself into the booth and into Justin’s arms.

*********************************************************************

Justin’s POV:

“Ah Daph I missed you so much.” I whisper into her ear holding her as tightly as I can.

“God I missed you too, why didn’t you call me?” she says. Why? Well that’s a good question.

“I just wasn’t ready yet. I’m so sorry for everything. I know that me leaving wasn’t easy on you.”

“Your damn right it wasn’t!” She says pulling back from a little so our eyes meet. “Don’t you ever even think of
doing something like that again do you understand me?” she yells. And of course the attention is again drawn to us.

“I won’t. I promise.” I tell her bringing her back into my arms.

“You scared the shit out of me Jus.” she whispers, with a slight sniffle.

“I know. I’m sorry. Never again. Ok?”

“Ok.” after she finally let’s me go and that was only because Gus started getting cranky waiting to get back to his
food. We all sat around talking about what I had been up too. So I told them about my show and all the contacts and
how every piece of my work was sold and so on. The other table listened in to and my mom Daph and everyone was
really proud and excited for me...well except for Michael of course but I understand that he hates me, and that’s fine.
Plus Brian and he are best friends and I know he said that we never have to see him again but I know that, that’s not
true they need each other in their lives and I would never try and take that away from Brian. They will make up and
it will be back to the regular old times. I really hated those times with him. And I’m sure that I will again but hey
when you love someone you have to compromise so that’s what I do. I compromise. Anyways getting off that
subject cause I don’t want to spoil today. I caught up on everyone and everything thanks to Em. They caught up on
me, and then people had to start heading out to their errands. Lindsay and Mel were the first to go with Gus in tow
but only after I promised that I wouldn’t go far away again which of course I promise... I hate the fact that I hurt him
that way....I never meant too. I’ll have to spend some extra time with him to make up for my absence. Then it was
Ted and Em. Who asked us to meet them at Woody’s later on......Brian replied with “we might”...... then my mom
had to go and with her Daphne had to go because she had a date. I gave them both long hugs and kisses. And
promises to call later on. Geesh the woman in my life, are so demanding...but no I don’t mind I missed them more
than words. Then it was just Michael Brian and I. You can only imagine just how quite the table got. So I thought I
would break the ice a little see if I couldn’t help heal this relationship up a little bit.

“So you two how’s the comic book going?”

“It’s not.” Michael replies. Well that’s weird.

“Why not?” I ask.

“Because you gave your share to Brian and he wouldn’t allow me to do anything with it until you came back and
that was only if you agreed to still work with me.” Michael says with a little bit of resignation. I look over to Brian.
With questions swimming in my eyes I don’t need to verbalize my confusion. He gives a sigh.....

“Michael you know why I did what I did, so don’t try and act all innocent. Also Jus....this is half your project I
couldn’t see letting you give it up unless I was sure it wasn’t for any other reason, than you just didn’t want to do it
anymore.” he’s rubbing my legs looking into my eyes and I see that he was just trying to make sure that this is what
I really wanted. To tell you the truth I kinda liked doing Rage but I just can’t work with him anymore. It’s just not a
good situation for me and I don’t want to be put into it.

“Well thank you Brian but I really don’t want to work on the comic anymore.” I tell Brian and Michael.

“Ok then. What do you want to d o with your share?” he asks me.

“Bri I gave that to you do with it whatever you think is best.”

“No Jus you worked hard for this. You put a part of yourself and experiences into that comic book..... it’s yours and
you need to do what is right for you with it.” he tells me. And I guess he’s right. “We could talk to my lawyer if
you’d like?”

“Oh you have got to be kidding me.” Michael says exasperated. I look over to him and decide right there. I don’t
want any more to do with him then is absolutely necessary, I don’t want to have to deal with anything concerning
him. I will deal with him when it comes to family matters and when I can’t avoid him in situations with Brian.....but
other than that I’m done.

“He can have it....my share he can have it.” I say finally. I shake my head clearing my thoughts I really wanted to
just have a good day getting see everybody, and enjoy the fact that I am back with Brian and just knowing that we
are really together now. That’s all I wanted one day just to be totally happy, but I guess that’s just not in the cards
for me.

“Are you sure Justin?” Brian asks with concern and a little surprise.

“I am absolutely sure. Now if you could excuse me I need to use the restroom.” I say I just need a little time to get
myself together. So Brian reluctantly scoots out of the booth as I slide out behind him. When I stand up he brings me
into his arms kissing me softly before letting me slip from his grasp and make my way to the restroom.

*********************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

I watch as Justin makes his way to the bathroom, and god I am so happy to have him back with me to be able hold
him and kiss him if I feel the need to, to just feel his heat next to me is enough after having him gone for so long.
However I know that Michael has started to ruin this day for him and I just can’t handle it anymore.....he should’ve
kept his mouth shut. I turn to face him after I watch Justin disappear behind the back door. He has a bit of a smile on
his face and is now drinking the rest of his coffee.

“Are you proud of yourself?” I ask him. Leaning back with arms crossed against my chest.

“What are you talking about?” he asks. As if he doesn’t know I just snort, not believing his little game for one
second.

“I am talking about the way you just treated Justin....as if he has no rights when it comes to the comic book....as if he
should get some kind of compensation for the work he has done to put it on the map to get it started. He put his story
into that book not yours. Now he wants out of it so bad, actually I think he just wants away from you so badly that
he is willing to give all to you just so he won’t have to deal with you anymore.” I say in disbelief that he can be so
unbelievably ruthless. I thought we had gotten past this or at least that he had started to get over this vindictive
hatred that he has for Justin. I should’ve known better.

“Brian he just doesn’t want to do it anymore. You said for him to do what he thought was best....and he did. Giving
me his share has been the best thing he has done since I met him other than helping me start the comic.” He says as
if it’s the most truthful thing in the world.

“I can’t believe you! I thought you had gotten over all this....”

“I have!” he says.

“No....no you haven’t and that has become abundantly clear to me today. So I am going to tell you this once and
only once, are you listening?” he just nods his head looking pissed at the moment. “You leave him alone, you stay
away from him and me. You don’t have any reason to be in mine or Justin’s business any longer so don’t ever

bother to try and push your way in. Ever! And If I find out that you have been bothering him or pushing him around
or harassing him in any way I will make sure you regret it. Do you understand?” I tell him in a deadly serious voice.

“Brian you can’t be serious.....” I stop him with a wave of my hand.

“No more Michael....I don’t want to hear anymore. Justin is my partner, he is the one I love the one I want in my
bed, it will never be you, could never be you. I don’t even want it to be you. Now I will do whatever it takes to
protect Justin....even from you. I want him happy and I plan on making sure that he is no matter what it takes. Now
do you get it? You know what it doesn’t matter anymore, just make sure that you stay away from him Michael and
we won’t have any more problems.” I finish up as I hear the back door to the diner opening, then swinging shut. I
look over my shoulder and seeing him coming to the table I stand up throw some money on the table. I feel Justin
wrap his arms around my waist. I put my arms around him and kiss his lips as he looks up at me.

“Are you ready to go home?” I ask him, running my hand down his cheek. He nods his head.....

“Yeah take me home.” he says softly. Standing on his toes to give me a kiss.

“Ok.....hey Deb! We’re going to go home now.” I yell.

“Ok Bri. But you Sunshine don’t go running off again you understand? Oh and don’t forget about Sunday dinner
you two!”she yells at us from the counter.

“Yes Debbie!!” we both say in unison. As we make our way to the door and home.


Chapter 11: I'm Sorry, What?

One month later

`````````````````````
Brian’s POV:

This last month has been the best time of my entire life. Justin and I have been spending every moment we can
together, and the day after tomorrow we are leaving to go on vacation. God it’s going to be so great having him all
to myself for two whole weeks. The first couple of days we are spending in Toronto, Canada; where I plan on asking
a very special question. Then it’s off to Italy. Neither of us can contain the excitement we have for this trip. Don’t
get me wrong we both love our little family but they are driving us straight up the wall. Yes me and Justin have been
together every second that we can but one member or another it seems is always there with us. Oh and if I am not
with Justin...someone else always is. I know why they are doing it. They are just scared that he might take off again.
Which I would agree with but I know he isn’t going anywhere anymore because we have worked out the majority of
our problems and what we haven’t figured out yet we are still working on. So even though I understand their fears, I
also know they unfounded. Which I have told them time and again and I know that Justin has as well, but they
always play it off with ‘it’s not that’. But we both know it is. We also know that they just want to spend time with
him as well. But they never wanted this much attention in the past so it’s a little hard to believe their lies. Anyways I
know that it is driving me up the wall, I know that it is making Justin insane not to have any kind of alone time.
Which I feel bad about but no matter what I do I can’t get them to take a break.

So anyways Justin has had all his stuff from Chicago shipped out here. So he is completely home now, with all his
belongings. The first week he was back he decided that he was going to need a studio especially with all the shows
that are now set up for him for the next two years. That’s right folks my boy has shows booked for the next two
years and in some of the biggest galleries. So we had Jenn looking for us, and as we went around looking at the
different spots I realized something. I don’t want to be away from him at any length of time and him having a studio
outside the loft would do precisely that...have me away from him for lengths of time. I know when Justin is painting
he just tends to lose track of time and the next thing he knows its hours later sometimes even the next day. So I have
decided that the only way around that is to get a bigger place for us to live. We discussed it and decided that we
would have Jenn look for bigger lofts, two to three stories, and if we can’t find anything satisfactory, then we will

look into houses. Yes I said houses. But Justin and I still prefer to have a bigger loft to the house. We both like the
open space and no boundaries, that come with it. Jenn said that by the time we get back from our trip she should
have a good list of places to choose from, and I have no doubt that she will come through.

As I pull up to the loft and jump out to go up stairs I think about how great it is to know that he’s up there waiting
for me. I feel my stomach do little flippies if you can believe that, which happens every time I get to this point in my
day. I unlock the door and slide it open and step thru the door way and smell something fabulous. He’s so good to
me.

I look into the kitchen but I don’t see him there. “Jus?” I say as I move up to the bedroom and see the most gorgeous
site in the world.

“You’re late.” he states, slowly stroking his cock up, then down and rolling his fingers lightly over his balls, before
moving back up. I feel myself harden instantly and start to pulse with that tingly ache. I grab my cock and squeeze it
for a second.

“I know but just think you have me all to yourself, for the next month.” I say as I make quick work of taking off
these damn clothes.

“Mmm.” he moans and closes his eyes for a second before reopening them, “I love the sound of that.” he says with a
smile. I finally have my clothes off and I start to climb between his legs, as I move up his body he runs his hands
thru my hair and down my cheeks. I lick his balls and smell his sweet scent, while I take one ball into my mouth
before the other. When I am done with his balls I move up slightly to the top of his gorgeous cock, and slowly lick
up one side and then down the other before taking him fully into my mouth. I feel him tug my hair and hear his
breathing increase, and hitch as he hits the back of my throat. I move slowly up and down sliding my tongue over
every inch of his cock, when he starts to move his hips I hold him down and start to increase my pace when I know
he is right at the breaking point I move off and blow over the head of his cock, I watch him tense up and as he starts
to cum I start to lick over his piss hole taking what I can, he practically sits up at the sensation,

“Bri...” he gasps out at the end, as he falls back to the bed. I move up his body placing soft kisses all the way till I
can sink my tongue into his mouth, I lay completely on top of him moving my arms around his back and holding
him tightly to me. He loves to feel my weight on top of him, squishing him to the bed. As I start to rock my hips,
rubbing my cock against his already hardening dick he wraps his legs around my waist, squeezing me with his
thighs, and rocking with me. God I feel like I’m on fire and I just have to have him.

“Baby, I need you.” I say in a whisper, against his lips, not stopping my movement as I move to kiss his neck and
shoulder, as he rubs his face against the side of mine.

“You have me... you’ve always had me.” he whispers back, and I know he’s telling the truth. Ever since that first
night, he gave himself to me fully and completely forever. I know that and I know that no matter what the past held
he has me, and I have given him, myself fully and completely forever. I lick from his shoulder to his lips and we
kiss, slowly with so much passion I can feel it in my toes. I feel under the pillow for the condom and lube that I
know is there, then pull back reluctantly. I rip open the condom and slip it on, I open the lube and put some on my
fingers and move back to kiss him as I carefully open him up. When I know he’s ready I pull back once more to
move my cock against his hole, as I move past the first ring he grabs at my arms tightly with the pinch of pain before
I hear a low moan of pleasure and continue my in. When I’m all the way inside of him I have to stop to regain my
control before I cum. Jesus what he does to me. He slowly lets go of my arms and I move my arms under his and
hold onto his shoulders, I lay my forehead against his and he wraps his arms around my neck, holding me tightly to
him. I open my eyes and see that his are closed and he has a slight smile playing across his lips.

“Baby?” I whisper, and he opens his eyes and I see his smile grow, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” he says as he squeezes his arms around my neck to bring my lips back to his. I start to move
slowly, we rock together and continue to kiss until he pulls away and we practically gasp for air. Our moans playing
against the walls of the loft are like music playing in the background. “Deeper...faster, Bri.” he gasps and the sound

makes my body start to shake. With my hands holding his shoulders I use that to push him onto my cock as I slam
into him, picking up my pace I feel myself falling over the edge just as he says, “I’m cumming,...oh god Brian.”

“Oh yes!” I grunt as I fill him tighten around me holding me inside of him as I cum. We lay there together all wet
and sticky until I feel myself calm down a little bit to move shakily to the side, and pull off my condom and drop it
into the trash can at the side of the bed. I grab the towel I see laying by the trash can and wipe myself up then wipe
him up as well. Throwing the towel to the side when I’m done. I lye back down and he instantly moves to my side
and into my arms. We wrap ourselves around each other, and I have this sudden feeling of perfect timing.

*********************************************************************

Justin’s POV:

I climb into Brian’s arms and we wrap ourselves around each other after a soul shattering round of love making and
I say that cause there is no other way to describe it. God it was amazing. We have been so completely happy
together since I got back. We are looking into a new place because he said he didn’t want to be away from me, if he
could prevent it; and since he could he was going to, by us buying a new place. It’s so exciting, we are starting a
whole new life together. I don’t think I have ever been happier in my life. Not to mention we are going away
together to Italy for two whole weeks. I can’t wait. Just me and him, together with no work or family interruptions.
Don’t get me wrong I love my mom and sister and extended family as well, but ever since I got back I have been on
like a twenty four hour watch. It seems I can’t take a piss without one of them standing over my shoulder watching.
It’s kinda ridiculous actually, but I know they are just worried that I’ll take off again; even though I swore up and
down that I would never do anything like that again no matter what the circumstances. Oh well maybe when Brian
and I get back and we buy our new place and settle down maybe they will back off and everything will go back to
normal. Ok so maybe normal is too much to wish for, since this family is nowhere near normal at anytime; just the
settled down part would be nice.

Everything has been so crazy lately with me coming back and then getting all my stuff moved back here, then the
setting up of all the shows with my new manager Tom Walker. Which I still think is amazing, but still a little scary.
However having Brian here with me and us making the decisions together so we can be together for it all; well lets
just say it’s all pretty amazing. I also got a new psychiatrist, who Frank says is almost as good as he is. Which is
kinda great because now me and Frank can become real friends. I like that idea, he is such a great man and he and I
are always talking now. Oh and Danny proposed to Lynn two weeks ago. They are getting married in three months.
She called me practically screaming it over the phone about twenty minutes after he proposed. I ended up screaming
with her. I mean come on they’re perfect together. She said that I have to be there. I told her I wouldn’t miss it for
the world. Then she said good otherwise she would have to make a stop in Pittsburgh on her way to her honeymoon
and chop off my nuts. Why is it that women always go for the nuts? I don’t know. When I got off the phone with
Lynn and Danny I went straight over to Brian at his computer and asked him if he would go with me. God I was so
nervous. I know he is changing and everything but I thought for sure he would tell me hell no, about going to a
wedding of all things. But he didn’t he had a smile and said that it was great and that he couldn’t wait to meet them.
Frank is going to be there as well so Brian will get to meet them all at once. I can’t wait to see them all again I miss
them so much. We talk all the time but still it’s not the same as being able to see them every day. I miss that. But
what can I say that’s how life goes. We will always be friends and we’ll just have to try harder to see each other
more often.

Let’s see what else? Well I signed over my rights and shares to the comic to Michael about a week ago and I am so
thankful. All I really wanted was out of that situation with him. I didn’t take any money from it. Which surprised
everyone. Especially Brian. He was kinda of upset about that because he felt I should have taken what was mine.
But I just told him truthfully that I didn’t want it nor did I need it. Finally he just let it go. We haven’t heard from or
seen Michael for about three weeks, which has been a god send if you ask me. When I signed everything for the
comic it was at Melanie’s office and then everything was just delivered to Michael. Pretty great hunh? I didn’t even
have to see him for that. All this not seeing him has been great for me. But I know that it is probably getting rough
on Brian not having his best friend around. I’m going to have to talk with Michael and see if we can’t come to some
kind of understanding for Brian’s sake. I’ll call him tomorrow and try and set something up.

“Jus?” I hear Brian whisper. I have my head on his chest, and I start to trail circles over his stomach with my finger
nails when I say.

“Humm?”

“Marry me?” I think I hear him whisper... but that can’t be right. I stop my circles and sit up using my elbow so I
can look over him.

“I’m sorry, what?” I say a little perplexed. Boy my mind is playing sick games with me.

“Marry me?” he whispers again. I shake my head trying to let this sink in. What the fuck is going on? Then
something hits me. He must think I’m going to run away again or something. But I thought that if nobody else knew
that I wasn’t going anywhere at least he knew and understood. I sit up all the way and cross my legs and look at him.

“Brian, you don’t have to do this. I thought you understood that I wasn’t going anywhere?”

“Justin, baby I know you’re not going anywhere. That has nothing to do with why I’m asking you to marry me.” I
feel my brow furrow.

“I don’t understand then.” I say. He takes my hand and sits up and cups my chin making me look directly into his
eyes. I see so much love in there. Everything that I ever wanted to know from him is staring right at me.

“I wanna spend the rest of my life with you Justin Taylor...”

“And we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. We don’t have to get married.” I try telling him. I know
how he feels about marriage.

“I know we don’t have to get married. But I want to. I want to marry you.” he tells me. I look down at our hands
trying to figure this out. But he doesn’t give me but two seconds before I feel him take my chin and make me look
back into his eyes. “Look into my eyes Baby? What do you see there?” he asks me and I look.... I mean really look
and what I see makes my jaw drop open, and breath catch.

“You really want to marry me.” it’s not a question, anymore. “Oh my god” I gasp out. “I can’t believe this is
happening.”

“Well believe it baby.” oh did I say that out loud. I put my hand over my chest when my heart feels like it’s going to
pop right out of my chest. I take a deep breath and blow it out, I can’t believe he just proposed. I can’t believe it. I
shake my head again. “Well Jus? Will you marry me?” he asks again and I look into his eyes and see him losing his
certainty. I can’t believe I haven’t answered yet.

“Yes!” I say with a huge smile.

“Yes?”

“Yes!” I say nodding my head. Right then he grabs me and takes me into his arms. We squeeze each other holding
on tight.

“You said yes.” I pull back a bit, sunshine smile probably permanently on my face.

“Did you really have any doubt?”

“Well I was beginning to wonder at the end there.” he says with a true smile. I laugh.

“You just caught me a little off guard there, and I thought I was going to have a heart attack.” we both laugh about
that. “We’re getting married!” I say as I realize it again and I launch myself at him planting kiss’s all over his face
while telling him...” I love you, I love you, I love you!” finally I kiss his mouth and he grabs my head holding me

there and plunges his tongue into my mouth. I’m sitting in his lap with my arms and legs wrapped around him, when
he pulls away, and starts kissing down my neck I hear him mumble


“How long can dinner hold?” oh damn I completely forgot.

“Fuck dinner.” I say. He looks up at me.

“I’d rather fuck you.” he says with a smirk. I chuckle a tiny bit, but when I feel his hands against my ass pushing me
against him, and then feel his hips move and our hard cock’s rub together it turns into a moan. When he pulls back
my eyes shoot open and I see him wave the condom and my smile returns as I watch him slide it on his dick. He
grabs my hips and I sit up and pull my legs back so I’m on my knees before I feel his cock at my opening I put my
hands on his shoulders and slowly lower myself onto him. “I love you.” I hear him say and I look at him and smile.

“I know. I love you too.” I say and then we lose ourselves in our love making.

*********************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

We’re lying here trying to catch our breath since we came together and suddenly he sits up and looks in my
direction.

“I have to pull dinner out of the oven.” he says and then smiles and leans over to kiss me. I raise my hand to put on
his neck so I can deepen the kiss, but before I can reach he pulls away and jumps out of bed and dashes into the
kitchen. God he is hot running around naked.

When I hear him start to rustle around in the kitchen I get up and open up my top drawer, and pull out a little pale
blue box. I got our rings at Tiffany’s. I think he’ll love them. Their two platinum bands on each ring, and when you
slip it on the inner part stays still then you can actually spin the outer ring around the other band. The part you can
turn has a Celtic lovers knot then as it goes around it turns into the words Yours Completely Forever; with a B for
his and a J for mine. I thought they fit us perfectly. Complex yet simple and beautiful. Yeah I think he’ll love them. I
hear him padding across the floor coming back to the room, and I turn with the box open looking to the walk way
waiting for him.

“Well we definitely fucked up dinner. It is totally burnt. Not that I really care though. But I am kinda ...” he trails off
as he enters the room and looks at me standing with the box. He points to it. “Is that...?” he trails off again I can see
he has started to shake a little so I walk over and stand just a breath away from him, with the box right in front of
him.

“Our wedding rings.” I say taking his from the box. “Do you like them?” I ask.

“Oh God Brian,” he says and then looks up to me and cups my cheek with his hand.” they are beautiful.” I smile and
take his hand from my cheek and slide his ring on his finger.

“Don’t cry Baby.” I say as I wipe the tears from his face, he looks at me smiling that sunshine smile before he looks
at his ring,

“I can’t help it I’m just so happy right now. I never thought we would be married. I dreamt for it years. But never
actually thought it would happen.” he says as I hold out the box for him to take my ring. I toss the box onto the bed
and hold out my hand for him to slip my ring on. His hands are shaking and as he slips my ring on my finger. I pull
up my hand and look at the ring and it catches little flickers of the light from the kitchen and sparkles. I look into
Justin’s eyes and smile as he does for me and I take him into my arms. “We’re married.” I hear him whisper and I
pull back.

“We’re not married.” and I can see his face fall so I quickly add. “We are going up to Toronto Canada, the day after
tomorrow and getting married legally.” he looks dumb founded. Then he just jumps into my arms, again saying over
and over that he loves me. “I love you too.”

The rest of the night was spent making love with only a quick break to order some Chinese food and eat before we
spent the rest of the night in each other’s arms. I hadn’t planned on proposing until we were in Canada but it just
seemed like perfect timing with him lying in my arms that I just couldn’t pass it up; and now I’m so glad I didn’t. It
really was perfect.

We didn’t get up till late afternoon the next day and I had to run a million errands before we could leave the next
day. So while I went and picked up the dry cleaning and pass ports and dropped off some papers for Melanie to have
ready for us to sign when we got back from our trip so that we could be completely legal and what not here in the
U.S. I left Justin to pack us up so we could go out to Babylon tonight. His request not mine. He wanted to spend the
night out with our friends, our last night here. Which I reluctantly agreed to. What can I say I wanted it to be just me
and him but I guess since we won’t have to see them for two weeks I can manage one night with them. Plus I’ll get
to have Justin by my side and I also get to dance with him something we haven’t done since before he left. I don’t
think either of us were ready to face Babylon again, until now that is. And I’m still a little reluctant about the
memories that it’s going to bring. But you know what I realize in all this? That with him by my side I can literally do
anything, and conquer any fears I have. As I do believe I have proven. God I can’t wait for tomorrow. We’re gonna
get married.

*********************************************************************

Justin’s POV:

Brian just left about 2 minutes ago and if I want to get a hold of Michael and get us to talk before Bri gets back I
gotta get on it now. So I pick p the phone and dial the number for the comic store. It rings three times before I hear
Michael answer.

“Rage comics how can I help you?” he says very nicely which I’m sure if he knew who this was it wouldn’t be that
way at all.

“Hello Michael...” I say.

“Oh what do you need?” he says evenly, ok right to the point just the way I like it.

“I was wondering if you could come over here? So we could talk.”

“Talk about what? You got what you wanted. Brian to yourself.” he says indignantly.

“Michael that was never what I wanted.” I say in a tired voice, I’m so tired of this same old fight, it’s stupid really.

“Oh please.” he says, all whiny and I hate whining more than anything.

“Well think what you want you always have. However I thought we could discuss a truce of some sort, for Brian’s
sake.” I say quickly. I don’t want to deal with him when he’s like this but I know Brian needs his best friend.

“Really?” he questions.

“Of course.” I say in ‘duh’ tone. Jesus. “Look I know how important you two are to each other, and all I ever wanted
was for Brian to be happy, and I think that he needs his best friend as much as he needs me.” I say truthfully.

“Ok well give me a couple of minutes to close up the shop and I’ll be over there.”

“Alright. I’ll see you when you get here then.”

“Alright.” and we both disconnect. While I’m waiting for him to get here I get a start on the packing. Brian of course
has a ton of clothes that he wants to take with him. I swear the man would take his entire closet with him if he could.
I however don’t have as much so I go ahead and get my stuff done first and by the time I’m done with mine the
buzzer is going off signaling Michael’s arrival. I run over and buzz him in, which is actually really nice since
usually he would just let himself in without so much as a knock. He’s walked in on us having sex to many times to
count, and trust me something like that can wear on a person’s nerves after a while. When there’s a knock on the
door I open it up to Michael same as ever. I step aside and he passes by. We go and sit on the two chairs in the living
room, I go ahead and jump in; why not just get this over with.

“I know that we both don’t particularly like each other. But the fact is, is that we’re both in love with the same
man.” he looks at me with big eyes. Everyone knows come on here but it is also an unspoken taboo type knowledge.
Well I can tell you I’m sick of it. “Now I can’t say that I’m sorry that I’m with Brian, but I can say that I know how
hard it is to be in love with him, and that I am sorry that you are hurt over Brian and I being together. I don’t want
you to hurt, that was never my intention.”

“Like you care.” he says. He sounds bitter and I can understand it.

“Believe it or not I do. I don’t like to see anyone hurting. No matter what the circumstances.”

“Can we just get to the point here?” he asks annoyed.

“We need to just get over ourselves and learn to live with the placings we have in Brian’s life.”

“That’s easy for you to say you have everything I ever wanted from him!” he practically yells at me. “It should be
me Justin not you. I have been there for him for over 16 years! Loving him, taking care of him, sacrificing my
happiness for his, making sure that I was always there whenever he needed me.” he says getting up and pacing in
front of me.

“So because you were there being his friend, I don’t deserve to be where he chooses me to be in his life?” he stops
and turns to me.

“Yes!” he says throwing his hands in the air.

“Well that’s just bull shit.” he’s insane.

“No it’s not; it’s the truth damn it.”

“You know what Michael too bad.”

“What?”

“Too fucking bad. Life isn’t fair so suck it up.” I say evenly.

“Look you little shit...”

“No! You look...” I say standing up right in front of him. “I have every right to be with the man I love, without
getting shit from you every five seconds! Brian has a right to be with the person he chooses to be with, and just
because it isn’t you doesn’t change that fact.” I move over to the bar to get a drink, to calm my anger just a bit. As I
pour myself a shot of Beam I can feel his eyes on me.

“You know you’re right.”

“Hunh?” I question turning around to face him. He’s standing with his arms crossed over his chest.

“He does have a right to be with whoever he chooses which is why you should’ve stayed gone.” oh my god. I just
shake my head at him.

“Your unbelievable.”

“Why because I know the truth about your relationship?”

“Right sure you do.” I say antagonistically.

“Oh you know I do that’s why you hate me so much.” I already know what he thinks of our relationship. So I just
roll my eyes at him. “He’s only with you because he feels sorry for you, and he thinks you’re his responsibility.
That’s the only reason and you probably just left so that everyone would give him shit and that way when you came
back he would have to take you back.” I fill the laughter just burst out of me,

“I’m sorry...” I try and straighten myself up but it’s no use and then I just laugh even harder.

“What the fuck are you laughing at?” he yells at me and I just shake my head, and try to control it. It takes another
couple of seconds but I do get myself under control and face him again.

“You can’t be serious. Do you hear yourself?” I ask him. My god he can’t really believe the things he says.

“You know I’m right.” he says totally serious.

“I know you’re insane.” I tell him just as seriously because if he believes what he says then he truly is.

“I’m not insane!” he yells back at me.

“If you believe that Brian would stay with anyone over pity or any other reason other than wanting to be with that
person; than yes you’re seriously insane.” I tell him “maybe you should see someone about that.” I know I’m
antagonizing him but I can’t seem to help myself.

“You’re the one who needs help! Thinking that a man like Brian could really want to be with you every day. He’s
way to intelligent, and sophisticated for you. Don’t you see that? Plus I know he loves me, he’s just not ready to give
up all his crazy ways to settle down with me.”

“Oh my god.” I say in awe. “Do you really think these things?” I ask him.

“Of course I do. He shows me in little ways what he really wants and who he truly loves, and he knows that when
he’s ready I’ll be there waiting for him.” he’s serious.

“I don’t know what to do with you.” and I don’t I mean if these are the things that he is thinking than what am I to
do? I didn’t know that he was so delusional.

“You know what Justin, I’m tired of you constantly telling me what Brian wants and needs. I’m what Brian needs,
and what he wants.” I feel my eyebrows go up. “See you know it, you’re just trying everything you can think of to
postpone the inevitable. But I can tell you right now that no matter what you do he will always be mine and soon
very soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have to take care of you that you’re not his responsibility and he’ll
come to me and we’ll live our lives together.”

“Oh boy.” I mumble under my breath. I thought we could come to an understanding about Brian but maybe I was
wrong.

“So why not do yourself a favor and give up the fight now?” he says sitting back down in the chair.

“I’m not going anywhere Michael so I think you better get used to me being around.” I tell him, as I take my drink
and down it. When I look at him again he’s got a murderous look in his eyes and I can see where he’s looking. At
my wedding ring. Shit!

“What the fuck is that?” he says quietly. Pointing to my left hand. Fuck I don’t know if Brian wanted to let everyone
in on this yet. Well it looks as though I don’t have a choice now.

“Brian asked me to marry him, and I accepted.” I say simply. He gets up quickly and is in my face before I can
move, grabbing my hand.

“What did you do?” he says grabbing at my ring. I start to struggle to get my hand away from him.

“I didn’t do anything. Let me go!” I yell at him yanking my hand away before he can get my ring off but the glass I
was holding falls out of my hand shattering on the floor, and unfortunately I don’t have any shoes on and when I
move to get away from him I step right into the glass and I feel the shards going into my feet. “Fuck!!” I say as the
pain shoots thru my feet. I look down and see the blood seeping onto the floor and I have a quick flashback to when
I slit my wrist, I shake the thought away quickly trying not to go into a panic attack now is definitely not the time for
it.

“Give me that ring!” I hear Michael yell at me and I turn to look at him as he grabs for my hand again, I turn and try
to get away from him. But I slip on the blood and glass on the floor and fall to the ground hitting my head and I feel
the pain pulse thru my head making it impossible to do anything but turn myself into a ball. “That’s my ring.”
Michael says and I he takes my arm away from my head and rolls me over grabbing for my left hand and I try to
struggle away from him but the pain in my head is so strong it makes my whole body weak. I do however keep my
hand closed for as long as I can before he yanks me up and slams me back down, I feel my head slam into the floor
again and everything goes black.

*********************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

I actually got everything finished up in just an hour. I was actually surprised but there wasn’t much traffic. So
everything was just a lot faster. I pull up to the loft and as I get out I see Michael running from the entrance and I
jump out of the Jeep, something’s terribly wrong here. I yell at Michael as I see him crossing the street towards his
car he turns towards me and I can see the surprise on his face as he turns away from me again I see a truck out the
corner of my eye.

“Michael!!” I yell one more time as I run towards him. He turns to look at me but see’s the truck first and freezes.


Chapter 12: What You Never Thought

Brian’s POV:

“Michael.” I yell again as I see the truck coming out the corner of my eye, and run towards him.. I see him turn to
look at me but he’s see’s the truck first and freezes. I run full speed and tackle him to the ground.

‘Beep beep!’ I hear as the truck speeds by. I roll off of Mikey and look over to him. His eyes are closed and he isn’t
moving.

“Oh shit...Mikey.” I say shaking him a little bit, but he still doesn’t move. I slap him a couple of times, and
yell...”Mikey wake up!...oh come on don’t do this to me. Wake up Mikey.” shit I feel the tears spring to my eyes. I
grab inside my pocket and pull out my phone. I dial 911 and when the lady answers I give her all the information,
and when she assures me that the ambulance is on its way I hang up. Shit please let him be ok. Please. I hear the
sirens in the distance but it seems like it takes forever for them to get here.

“It’s alright Mikey. You’re going to be ok. Helps coming.” I keep saying over and over again.

“Sir could you move back please so we can help him.” I hear the paramedic say and I do so.

“What’s his name?” he asks me.

“Mikey...Michael.” I say quietly. “Is he going to be ok?” I ask.

“What happened sir?” he asks totally ignoring my question which doesn’t make me feel any better.

“There was a truck and I ran and we fell to the floor and he just didn’t get up.” I say. “It all happened so fast.”

“It’s alright sir. We’re going to do everything possible to help your friend.” he says going back to work on Mikey.
When they finally get him onto the Gurney and get it into the ambulance I get in with him, I can’t let him go by
himself. I sit down on the side and hold on to his right hand tightly.

“Come on Mikey you have to be ok. Please be ok.” I tell him. Finally after about fifteen minutes we make it to the
hospital and they wheel him back but make me stay out in the waiting room. I reach into my pocket to pull out my
cell phone to call Deb but I must have left it somewhere between the street and the ambulance because I don’t have
it. So instead I dig into my pocket and pull out what change I have, and go over to the payphones. Damn fifty cents
for a fifteen minute call. Whatever. I deposit the coins which is just enough for the one phone call, and dial Deb’s
number.

“Hello?” she answers with a laugh. Shit this is going to break her heart.

“Deb, there’s been an accident...”

“What happened? Are you ok? Is Sunshine ok?” she frantically asks.

“No we’re fine, Mikey...”

“Oh my god my baby.. Where are you?”

“Allegheny hospital.” I tell her.

“I’ll be right there.” ‘click’

I hope she’s careful. God I don’t know what to do. So I just pace the hallway till I hear the shrill sound of Deb
screaming.

“Where the fuck is my son!”

“Deb!” I yell as I run to her, she holds out her arms and I go into them and she starts to sob on my shoulder I rub her
back.

“What happened Brian? Is he ok?” she asks pulling away from my shoulder and wiping her tears with her jacket
sleeve.

“He was running across the street and I yelled his name and he turned to me, but when he saw me he kept running
and then I saw this truck coming at him and I called for him again and then he just froze right there in the middle of
the street. So I tackled him to the floor before the truck could hit him.”

“Oh thank god you were there.” she says. “Where was this?”

“Outside the loft.”

“What was he doing outside the loft?” she asks, and that’s a good question.

“I don’t know that’s why I called his name... oh there his doctor.” I say as I see him walking out of double doors.

“He seems to be ok, a slight concussion but nothing permanent.”

“Is he awake can we see him?”

“He’s not awake yet but I am sure he will wake up any minute he was responding with slight movement so it all
looks good. You can go in and see him. Follow me.” we follow the doctor down a couple of hallways and to a
slightly open door. When he stops us at the entrance and turns to face us.

“Now he should come out this soon and as soon as he does and we run just a few more tests you can take him home
just make sure that he doesn’t sleep for the next twenty-four hours.”

“Thank you so much Doctor.” Deb says shaking the doctor’s hand, he smile at her.

“You’re more than welcome.” he says and I stick out my hand to shake his as Deb takes off in the room.

“Thank you again.” I say and he smiles.

“Oh yea before I forget again. He had his wedding band on.” he says pulling out something from his shirt pocket, I
furrow my brow. Did the professor and he get engaged? I hold out my hand and he places the ring in my hand. “We
had to take it off when we were checking him over. Could you make sure he gets it?” he says and I nod my head and
look down at the ring...

“Sure...” this is fucking Justin’s ring.

“Thank you.” he says turning to leave.

“Did you say he was wearing this on his ring finger?”

I ask the doctor before he can get very far, he turns to look at me again and smile saying “yes.”

“Fuck.” why did he have Justin’s ring I run into the room and see Deb sitting at Mikey’s bedside holding his hand.

“I have to go Deb.” I tell her simply as I lean down to kiss her.

“What? why?” she asks incredulously.

“Because the doctor just gave me Justin’s wedding ring.”

“Hunh?” She says totally confused.

“Seems Mikey here was wearing Justin’s wedding ring when he was brought in, put that together with him running
from the loft and me... shit I knew something didn’t seem right.” I say not even waiting any longer as I run out of the
room and to my Jeep. I got to get to Justin. God let him be ok.

*********************************************************************

Justin’s POV:

I feel this white hot pain all over my feet, not to mention the pounding in my head. I try and ignore it but it’s to
much so I force my eyes open and I see that I’m lying on the floor. How the fuck did I get on the floor? I’m not sure
but I do know that I have to get up and get my meds. I haven’t had a headache this bad since I had tried to commit
suicide. Shit I didn’t try that again did I? I say as I see the blood on the floor.

“My god what the fuck is going on?” I try and stand up but the pain my foot burns thru me and I think better of it.
Shit that’s why there’s so much blood. My feet are all cut up. I see the glass on the floor and the cuts on my feet.

“Shit how did I manage that one?” I try and think back but my head is pounding so hard that I can’t think straight. I
feel my stomach start to do flip flops from the pain. So I decide to lie back down. Sometimes the simple coolness
from the floor can help. I feel myself drifting off to sleep again when I hear the loft door opening up. I try to move
so I can see who’s coming in but my head just hurts too much that the simple movement sends shocking pulsing
pain thru my head. So I decide to just lye still.

“My god Justin!” I hear Brian yell and I wince from the pain that caused. “Baby?” I hear him say a bit quieter this
time, but still too loud. I feel him against my back and him grabbing my arm to roll me onto his lap.

“Mmmmm.” I hiss in pain shit this hurts. I just need some quiet dark motionless medicated sleep and then I think I’ll
be ok.

“Oh baby I’m so sorry.”

“Shhhh.” I whisper.

“Oh god what happened?” he says.

“I don’t know I just woke up on the floor. I think I may have fell or something.” I say quietly.

“Your feet.” he says too loudly again.

“Shhhh.” I whisper out again.

“Shit...ok baby let’s get you to the hospital.” he says quietly. He picks me up slowly and gently and I am so thankful
for that. I throw my arms around his neck and hold on tightly. I hear and feel him closing the loft door and locking
it. I’m not sure how he’s doing it with me in his arms but he manages to, and to get me down to the Jeep and into the
passenger’s seat and he buckles me up, kissing me on the lips as he does so. He softly closes the door and does the
same as he gets into the driver seat. He always knew how to take care of me when this stuff happened. I missed that
when I was away. Although I’m not sure what I did this time.

*********************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

I feel the tears streaming down my face and it’s making it hard to see the road as I drive. He was sitting in his own
blood again. God I thought I lost him when I walked in and saw the blood and called out to him and he didn’t move,
I thought the worst right then. But when he hissed in pain it was almost a relief for me. I know what you’re thinking
and no I don’t want him in pain but it was just the relief of him being alive. He’s in so much pain right now. His feet
god there was so much blood I couldn’t see what was going on with them, but it didn’t look good. Plus he has a
headache he must have hit his head, or...shit I don’t know. I don’t think he even remembers, but I do know that he
wouldn’t have given his ring to Michael. So I know whatever happened it was most likely a fight. I am going to kill
that man. I pull up to the hospital entrance and get out and I run inside.

“Can I get some help here please?” I yell at the receptionist that has been working since I got here with Michael. He
gives me a perplexed look, but gets up calling for the orderly that’s going towards the double doors. I run back out
to the Jeep and open up Justin’s door, when I turn around they have a gurney, so I pick Justin up.

“Owww.” He whimpers. I kiss his forehead

“I’m sorry Baby, I’m so sorry. We’re here though, it’s going to be ok.” I whisper in his ear as I lay him down on the
gurney. They start to wheel him away from me but he starts to freak...

“No! Brian! Please Brian!” he yells and I run to catch him and grab his hand as they wheel him into the hospital. As
we are at the entry to the double doors, they stop.

“You’ll have to wait here sir...” the orderly says but Justin grips my hand so hard I think he may break my thumb.

“No, Brian please, don’t leave me.” Justin begs me while he starts to cry. I lean down and kiss him on the lips,
brushing his tears away with my other hand.

“There’s no way in fucking hell that I am going to wait anywhere except for right by my partners side.” I say in a
deathly calm murderous tone.

The orderly sizes me up for a second before he realizes that I will kill anyone who tries to take my baby away from
me. So he just nods his head and continues on thru the doors. We make it to a small room and they turn Justin’s
Gurney into it and say that the doctor will be in, in just a minute.

“I’m gonna turn down the lights ok babe?” he just nods his head slightly and lets my hand go. I shake it to let the
blood go back to normal before I get up and dim the lights to practically nothing. Then I go back and grab his hand
again, he grips it but not nearly as hard as the last time. I start to rub soothingly over his forehead, just feather
touches. It always seemed to help him in the past. I feel him relax a little bit more.


About fifteen minutes later a doctor walks in. Finally! These fucker’s take forever I would’ve gone and drug one in
myself but I couldn’t leave Justin’s side. He turns the lights all the way back up and I hear Justin take a deep shaky
breath.

“You need to turn the lights back down.” I say seriously.

“I’m sorry sir but I have to get a good look at his feet. I just can’t do that without the lights up. But I will make it
quick.” he says sitting down on the stool, and wheeling himself over to the foot of Justin’s gurney. “Alright Justin
my name is Dr. Wheeler. Can you tell me what happened?” he asks and I look to Justin and wait for him to answer.

“I’m not sure. I think I fell.” he says quietly.

“So you don’t remember?”

“No...not really.” he says.

“Ok. What’s the last thing you do remember then?”

“I remember waking up this morning and then sending Brian off to do the errands for our trip and then it all gets
fuzzy.” he says.

“Ok.” he says and I look to him and he kinda gives me this look of is that right? So I nod my head and he continues.
“Ok Justin I am going to have to take a look at your feet now but I want to give you a shot for the pain. Are you
allergic to any medication?” he asks and I go ahead and pull out the list of meds that he’s allergic to.

“Yea here’s a list.” he takes it from me and looks it over.

“Ok I’ll be right back.” he says getting up and leaving the room. I lean over Justin and give him a kiss on his temple.

“It hurts Bri.” he says and I can hear the pain in his voice.

“I know Baby I’m sorry. But the doctor is getting something for that right now.” he nods his head slightly. I rub
circles on his back, and the doctor comes back in with a syringe in hand.

“Ok I am going to have to put this in your hip Justin so if you could just roll over to your side a bit.” he says as
Justin follows his directions. When Justin is on his side facing me the doctor gives him the shot. I hear Justin take a
deep breath, then let it out.

“Alright now let’s get a look at these feet.” he looks them over and then gets a thingy that goes over his head and has
a magnifier for one eye. Justin has fallen asleep now and I’m glad. This looks like it is probably going to hurt. He’s
got some big shards of glass in his feet and a ton of little slivers. I watch as the doctor takes piece after piece of glass
out of Justin and then sow up the bigger gashes. By the end I feel like I’m going to be sick. The whole time he’s
been doing this he’s had to wipe up the blood that keeps dripping off his feet.

“Ok I think we got them all.” he says as he washes Justin’s feet off with some solution, and wipes them off. “Now I
know that Justin has had a head injury before so I am going to have to run some test to make sure there is no
bleeding r swelling going on in there. That is going to take a while, but he should sleep through pretty much all of it.
So if you need to make any phone calls now would be a good time to do that.” he says writing down some things
into his chart.

“Thank you doctor.” I say rubbing Justin’s hand.

“Do you have any idea what might have happened?” he asks me.

“I know that he was with Michael Novotny, because he had Justin’s ring on, but from there I don’t know. Michael
almost got hit by a truck outside our loft and he wasn’t awake when I last checked.” I say sadly. I can’t believe this
is happening. I never thought that Michael would actually physically hurt him.

“Well in that case we are going to have to call the cops. They are going to want to question both Justin and
Michael.” he says making another note in his chart.

“That’s fine. Whatever they need to do.” I tell him.

“I’m going to go give them a call then and send in an orderly to take him for his test.”

“Thank you.” I wait there until the orderlies come in and take Justin to his test, then I go out to the receptionist desk
and ask if there is anywhere that I can get change from. She sends me to the cafeteria saying they’d have change. I
go down two floors to the cafeteria and get some change. I go ahead and head back up to the floor that Justin is on
just in case, and I call both Jennifer and Daphne. Then as an afterthought I call Vic and Em and Theodore and the
munchers. I know how much they love Justin and would like to be there for him at a time like this. Plus I’m pretty
sure they would all have my balls afterwards if I didn’t call them. So now they are all on their way. Then I do the
one thing that I don’t want to.

When I make it to Michael’s room I knock on the closed door. When I hear Deb’s voice calling for me to enter I do.
I only peek my head in thru the door though, I can’t see his face right now.

“Deb, could I talk to you real quick?” I ask her.

“Brian come in.” I hear Michael’s voice call to me, and it takes everything in me not to go and strangle him right
this minute.

“Deb now please.” I say losing my patience. I don’t bother to wait for a reply, as I turn away from the door letting it
close behind me.

“Hey kiddo...” I hear Deb’s voice and turn around. “Oh baby, what happened?” she says worriedly when she see’s
my face and she comes up to take my face in her hands then she wraps me in her arms. “Is it Justin?” she asks in a
small voice.

“Yea.” I know she is so worried, hoping that her son isn’t responsible.

“Tell me.”

“I found him on the floor, his feet all cut up from the glass on the floor. I thought...” my voice catches in my throat
and I struggle to gain my composure. “He must have hurt his head again because he has a really bad headache and
he can’t remember what happened.” I say as my voice catches again.

“Oh God. Is he ok?”

“They are running some test now.” I say pulling back to look at her. She wipes away my tears.

“He is going to be fine, he’s a fighter that one, and he wouldn’t leave you.” she says looking into my eyes.

“I know but I was so scared.”

“I know baby. I know.” then we hear someone ask for Michael’s room and I look over and see two uniformed
officers coming towards us. Deb looks to me.

“I’m sorry Deb. There was nothing I could do.” I tell her and hope she’ll understand.

“I know baby... he brought this on his self. You tell Sunshine that I love him and that I will be there to see him as
soon as I can” she says with a sad smile.

“I will.” I say as she turns to head back into the room with her son. I then go back to the room that they had Justin
and me in before I want to be here when he gets back.

*********************************************************************

Justin’s POV:

I start to wake up when I hear this constant buzzing noise. I start to freak when I see nothing but white, until I hear a
voice saying that they are just running a few test to make sure that there is no bleeding or swelling in my head. So I
calmed down and stayed very still, I know the way these things work and if you don’t stay still they have to start all
over again, and I hate these test so I stay very still. I close my eyes again. My head still hurts like hell and the pain in
my feet is becoming more noticeable. Suddenly there is another buzz and it all comes back to me.

“Michael.” I say out loud as the memories wash over me.

“Did you say something?” the voice asks me.

“Yea I said Michael.” I say. That little fucker slammed my head into the floor. “My ring!” I yell. And automatically
sit up.

“Mr. Taylor! Please lay back down.” he says sternly. Fuck now we are going to have to start all over. “We are going
to have to start over again.” damn it. “Now if you could lie back we can get started.” voice says sounding a bit
annoyed. I do as I am told, while the memories and anger come over me. That fucker has my ring. I am going to
fucking kick his ass. These are the only thoughts I have as they finish up the test and finally wheel me back to my
room. I see Brian stand up as soon as they open the doors and I smile at him.

“Hey baby, how are you feeling?” he asks as they stop me and put on the breaks.

“A little better.” the orderly sets the breaks on the bed and then leaves us. “My head still hurts like a bitch though.”
He comes over to my bed taking my hand and kissing me on the lips.

“I’m sorry Jus...”

“It’s not your fault.” I say and kiss him again. “I love you.” I tell him.

“I love you too.” he says and I smile at him. “Jus, do you remember anything else?” he asks, and I can see the worry
in his eyes. God how do I tell him that his best friend, slammed my head into the floor? How do I tell him that all
this happened because of my wedding ring that he now has?

“Yeah.” I say because regardless I can’t lie to him.

“What do you remember? Did Michael do this to you?” I look at him with questioning eyes.

“How did you know?” I ask him bewildered.

“I saw Michael running from the building and I yelled at him but a truck was coming and I had to tackle him to the
ground so he didn’t get hit by it...”

“Holy shit. Are you ok? Is he ok?” I ask worried as I look at every part of him that I can see.

*********************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

“Yes we’re ok.” I say, I stop his hands and hold them against my chest. This man is the most incredible person I
have ever met. He is still worried about Michael even after what he did.

“Are you sure? Where’s Michael?”

“He’s in his own room.” Justin furrows his brow. “He hit his head and was unconscious, so I called an ambulance
and they brought him here.”

“But he’s ok now?” he questions.

“Yea he’s ok now he’s awake. Deb’s with him. But she said she loves you and she’ll be here to see you as soon as
possible.”

“I’m sure but right now I’m sure she needs to be with Michael... she must’ve flipped when you called her.” he says.

“She did, but it’s alright... he’s alright.” I say shaking my head and looking down at our hands intertwined.

“Brian what’s wrong is there something you’re not telling me?” he says and I feel the tears that I have been trying to
hold back spring out. I can’t stop them... “Bri? It’s ok.” he says taking me into his arms and kissing me on top of my
head as he runs his fingers thru my hair. I’m crying like a baby here. But I can’t help it.

“Bri tell me what’s the matter?” he says taking my face into his hands and lifting it so our eyes meet.

“Seeing you lying on the floor like that...with the blood and then you weren’t moving, god I don’t know I just I
thought I’d lost you and my felt my whole world just crumble right then and there. And to know that it was Mikey
that put you there... I just...I never thought he would go that far...ever.” I sputter out.

“I’m ok...”

“I know but I wasn’t there...”

“Hey...” he says making me look into his eyes. “This was not your fault.” I look down but he grabs my face again.
“No this wasn’t your fault. No one could have known, not even I thought he would do something like this.” he says.

“I can’t lose you Justin I just can’t.” I say as I grab him around the waist and hold on as tight as I can. “You’re my
world.”

“And you’re mine. I’m not going anywhere. I could never leave you again. I love you way too much.” he whispers
into my ear. I just nod my head. We stay like that for a long while, before I pull away.

“I should really go and check and see if the rest of the family is here yet.”

“Ok.” he says, lying back against the bed.

“I love you Jus.” I say leaning down to give him a soft kiss. When I pull away he’s smiling.

“I love you too.” he says.

“I’ll be right back ok?”

“Ok.”

*********************************************************************

I watch as Brian walks through the door and smiles as he closes it. I close my eyes. I’m so tired but they told me that
I couldn’t go to sleep. Seems I have a concussion. Great! My head feels like it’s going to explode right now and
nothing is going to help it but sleep, but it seems that I can’t have that so now I have to suffer thru this. I hate
headaches. They suck. Big time.

I still can’t believe that Michael almost got hit by a truck, and that Brian had to jump in front of it just to save him.
Thank god they are both ok. What can I say regardless of the situation I wouldn’t wish pain or death or anything else
on anyone. I’m just not that kind of person. However that doesn’t mean that I have even come close to forgiving
Michael. It just means that I’m glad he’s ok. Not to mention the fact that I’m glad that I’m ok. I hear the door open
and someone come in.

“Justin?” it’s the doc!

“Hey Doc. How’d the test go?”

“Well everything seems to be ok. I don’t see any swelling or bleeding. You do have a concussion but believe it or
not it’s not that bad. I do however want you to follow up with your doctor tomorrow. He may want to redo the test
just to make sure nothing happens between now and then.” I nod my head. “But other than that... you can go home,
as soon as you speak with the police.”

“Hunh? Why do I have to talk to the police?” I ask.

“Well being that you were assaulted, I had to call the police.” he explains.

“Oh.”

“It shouldn’t be that much longer though. They have already been talking to the man that Brian had mentioned.”

“Michael?”

“Yea. They have been talking to him for a while now, so it shouldn’t be that much longer. I’m gonna get all of your
paperwork done up so as soon as the police get their statement you’ll be all ready to leave.”

“Thank you Doctor for everything I really appreciate it.” I tell him

“You’re welcome Justin.” he says as he leaves my room.

Shit there are cops involved now. You know I didn’t even think of that possibility. I don’t think that’s what needs to
happen...

‘Knock ....knock’ I hear and look towards the door as it opens.

“Hello Mr. Taylor... my name is Detective Summers do you think I could ask you a couple of questions?” I nod my
head

“Sure.” I say and he comes in and takes a seat.................................................................

Two months later
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can’t believe today is the day. Brian and I are finally getting married. Then it’s off to Toronto and Italy. I adjust my
tie the slightest bit. Making sure it’s just perfect like everything else. It’s been an amazing two months.

When the detective came in to ask me his questions, I just explained to him that it was an accident. That I had
dropped my glass and slipped and fell on the glass, and that I must have hit my head when I fell on the ground. It
took a little while for the detective to leave it alone but he eventually did. I know he didn’t believe me but that’s not
what matters, what matter is that Michael didn’t get arrested. I knew I couldn’t let that happen. Yes what he did was
extremely wrong, but I don’t know he almost died, and then there’s Deb I couldn’t throw her son in jail, not to
mention I couldn’t do that to Brian. I saw how it was tearing him apart. So I just let it go. Brian almost flipped his
lid when he found out, but I let him yell and scream at me then I told him there was just no need for him to go to jail.
He couldn’t believe that I could just let him go. Oh well I could and I’m extremely glad I did. The next time we saw
Michael was at a Sunday dinner about a month ago. The whole room went silent when he walked thru the door. But
he just stood by the door and started to cry he said

“I’m so sorry Justin.... I never meant to hurt you I don’t even know what came over me, I just lost it. I swear nothing
like that will ever happen again, all of this has made me realize what a complete fool I have been. Everyone was
right I was jealous, I did want Brian to myself. I just couldn’t see anything any other way. But when they told me
what I had done to you....” his voice catches, ....”I was so ashamed of myself. I can’t believe that I could be that kind
of person. I’m just so sorry.” he says and hold his head in his hands and cries. I walked over to him and took him
into my arms and wrapped his arms around me so tightly, it was a hug that he must have learned from his mother.

“It’s alright. It’s ok.” I whisper to him.

“I’m so sorry.” he says again

“I know you are, it’s alright now.” I told him and you know what it was. I saw the truth in his eyes and I know that
we had made a major breakthrough. From that moment on we have really worked on becoming friends in our own
right. I am even beginning to see how Brian is able to deal with all the whining. If you can believe that. However I
must say that he hasn’t been nearly as whiny as in the past. It’s only occasional now. Which I must say I am thankful
for.

Now as for Brian and I getting married today. See I wanted to walk down the aisle. Yes I know so cleche’ blah, blah,
blah, but what can I say. So we talked it over and decided to wait till I could. Brian said he wanted me to have the
kind of wedding that I had always wanted. So that’s what we’re doing now. I wanted all of our friends and family to
be here for us, and with us. So we are having a small family ceremony here and then we will fly out to Toronto
tonight, and get officially married tomorrow. Then spend our honeymoon in Italy. We had to rearrange our
schedules but I have to say it is totally worth it. Last weekend we went to Lynn and Danny’s wedding it was so
beautiful. It was at sunset in a beautiful garden. Oh it was perfect. Lynn looked absolutely beautiful in her gown. But
the best part I am sorry to say for me anyways was the fact that I got to see everyone again and that Brian got to
meet them. They all got along so wonderfully, and Brian took Lynn for a spin on the floor and then Brian and I spent
the rest of the night on the dance floor, he said

“It’s practice for our wedding.” I giggled. Yes he can still make me giggle.

I hear the door open and look towards it.

“Are you almost ready.” my mom asks as she and Daphne come thru the door. I give them a sunshine smile and nod
my head. My mom comes over to me and starts to straighten out my tie which I let her do.

“I can’t believe my baby is getting married.” she starts to brush off my shoulders and sides. “And to such a
wonderful man.” she puts her hands on my chest. “I couldn’t have asked for more.” she says with a tear running
down her cheek. I catch it and wipe it away.

“You look perfect Justin.” Daphne says and my mom and I both smile at her.

“Thanks Daphne you two ladies look absolutely amazing.” I tell them and they both blush.

“Ok enough of this. Let’s go get you married to the man of your dreams.” my mom says. Pushing me over towards
the door.

“Geesh you’d think you were trying to get rid of me.” I say with a laugh, and they both join in as we walk thru the
door, to go and get me married to the man of my dreams. I smile a full-fledged sunshine smile.

*********************************************************************

Brian’s POV:

I check my tie one more time, making sure it is just perfect. God I can’t believe that we are getting married today,
finally. I was beginning to think that this day would never come. It just seemed like one thing after another has
happened to stop this. But being Justin and I we never gave up, and now here we are. I had plans on just going to
Toronto to get us hitched but after Justin got hurt and he couldn’t walk for almost a month we decided to wait. I
wanted him to have the best wedding ever, the kind he always dreamed of. So that’s how we got here. With all our
family and friends waiting to watch us tie the knot, and to tell truth I am actually glad that we are doing it this way.
It would’ve been a shame if none of our family was there to hear how much we love each other, and how committed
we are to each other. We are still going to Toronto and to Italy which we put off as well. But totally worth it.

After I found out that Justin let Mikey off the hook I was absolutely floored. I mean I just didn’t understand why he
wouldn’t want him to pay. I wanted him to pay. He could’ve taken Justin away from me that day. But Justin just told
me that there was no need for him to go to jail, and then he just left it at that. No more explanations nothing. It was
just the end of the conversation. So I let it go. But when he came into Debs house for Sunday dinner about a month
ago and cried his eyes out in front of everyone, and apologized for everything, well I just didn’t know what to think.
Then having Justin take him in his arms and forgive him and tell him that everything was ok now. Well I can tell
you that I have never been so in awe of one person. Now to say that I was still extremely skeptical would be an
understatement. I was not about to let my guard down and have something like this happen again. There was just no
way in hell. So I watched, and waited. But so far nothing has happened. Mikey has been a totally different person,
it’s like night and day. I am still cautious about him being around Justin. I don’t think I will ever be able to feel
comfortable with them around each other. But Justin really seems to think that he has turned around so I am willing
to give him the benefit of a doubt. Somewhat.

‘Knock......knock.” I hear and I look over to the door.

“Hey.” Mikey says as he peeks his head thru the door. “Do you think I could talk to you for a minute.” he asks
sheepishly.

“Yea sure.” I say quietly. Please don’t let him have reverted, yet again. I say as a silent prayer as he walks thru the
door closing it behind him.

“I um... I know that we haven’t really been friends lately.... “ I look down. What is this about? “Which I can totally
understand. I have no right to expect anything from you after everything that I have done and said, there is just no
reason you should want to be my friend.” I nod my head and look at him again.

“You could’ve taken him away from me Michael.” I say with a catch in my throat.

“I know...” he says looking away from me. “And you will never know just how sorry I am for hurting him like that.
All I can do is just try and make it up to Justin, in any way possible.” he says looking into my eyes. I can actually
see that he’s telling the truth.

“I hope you can.” I say.

“Me too.”

“Is that all?” I ask it’s time to get down to the altar.

“No.” he says shaking his head. So I just wait. “I know that we aren’t where we used to be, but I was hoping that I
could stand up for you as you and Justin get married. I would really like to do this for you. To be there for you on
your wedding day.” wow.

“You wanna be my best man?” I ask. I would’ve never saw this coming.

“If you’d allow me the honor. Yes I really wanna be there for you for this.” god that’s big after all that we have been
thru this last six months. But then again he has been my best friend for sixteen years, he has always been there for
me thru all of the good times and the bad. I guess now would be the perfect time to see if he can really be my best
friend again.

“Ok.” I say and he gets a huge smile on his face. “But Mikey... this day means everything to me and Justin, if you do
anything to fuck it up....”

“No I wouldn’t do anything to mess this up for you or Justin. I just wanna be able to support both of my friends.
That I now know belong together.” I nod my head and walk over to him and give him a hug. He wraps his arms
around my waist as I put mine around his shoulders.

‘Knock .....knock’ I hear again and we pull apart.

“Hey kiddo everything ok?” Deb asks as she comes into the room. Looking between me and Mikey.

“Yea everything is just fine.” I tell her as she starts to straighten my tie. “I am getting married to the man of my
dreams, and I have my best man standing up for me, and I have my mom here to see me all grown up.” I say looking
into her eyes. I see a tear slip past, and I wipe it away.

“I’m so proud of you baby. Of both of you.” she says with her hands on both of our shoulders. We both smile at her.

“Thanks mom.” both me and Mikey say in unison. We all chuckle.

“Alright boys I do believe there is a wedding to get to.” she says leading us out the door and to the man I love.

I stand at the altar that we had made from beautiful blue silk, and white roses. We decided to have the wedding in
our backyard of the house we bought a month and a half ago. It’s a beautiful house, two stories three bedroom, with
the added of an office and studio space in the attic. It kinda looks like the Munchers but much bigger. It has a huge
skylight, and two huge windows on either side so Justin, has wonderful lighting. So in other words it’s perfect for
us. As I hear the music start up I snap out of my thoughts and look towards the double glass doors. Here he comes.

The doors open and there he is. My gorgeous man. Jesus how did I get so lucky? He’s got the most gorgeous smile o
his face, I have never seen it brighter. He walks down the aisle and I know I have a huge smile on my face. I have
never been happier. When he gets to me I take his hand and it takes everything in me not to take him in my arms and
kiss him.

“Hey.” he whispers to me.

“Hey.” I whisper back, as I turn to look at the minister.

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the love and commitment of these two men. If there is anyone here today
that see’s just cause why these two should not be join together speak now or forever hold your peace.” he says and I
swear everyone including me is looking at Mikey.

“What I’m holding my peace.” he says with his hands up in defense and everyone laughs.

“Ok then...Justin and Brian have written their own vows. So I ask that Brian go ahead and start.”

“I must say, I never thought I’d be here. But now ...I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. You have been
everything to me since the day I met you. You didn’t always know it, but you always have been. We have been thru
so much together, and still there is no one that I would rather have by my side. I have managed to say and do a
million things to break your heart,” I wipe the tears I see coming down away and rub my thumb on his cheek. “and
you have always managed to find away to forgive me and still be there for me with your unwavering love. I never
thought I could have that, that I deserve that. But you showed me that I do and that you were going to love me either
way. I am eternally grateful to have you in my life. And I promise to make the rest of your life as happy and as
special as you have made mine.”

*********************************************************************

Justin’s POV:

“Now Justin...” the minister says. Brian wipes some more tears away and I start.

“Well I always hoped we would make it here, but actually getting here was the best surprise I have ever got.” I hear
everyone chuckle. “I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you. I never thought that you could fall in love with
someone from just one look but, I was glad to be wrong. Brian I can’t ever imagine a life without you, and I never
want to have to imagine a future without you either. I’ve done it and trust me when I say it wasn’t a bright future.
You make my life bright. You made everyday worth living, when I didn’t think I could go on. You taught me to be
strong and proud of myself. You taught me to overcome my setbacks. To keep fighting when I didn’t think I could
anymore. You have been my strength, my everything. I hope to do the same for you. I promise you that I will always
fight for us, that I will never give up again. I promise to do everything in my power to make your life as bright and
as happy as you’ve made mine. I love you Brian Kinney.” I say with a smile at the end.

“I love you too Justin.” he says with a smile.

“Now I ask for the rings.” I turn and take Brian’s ring from Daphne, as Brian takes mine from Michael. I’m glad
Brian let him stand up with him.

“Brian do you take this man to be your husband?” he takes my hand into his holding the ring just on the tip of my
finger. “Forsaking all others? To love and to cherish till death do you part?”

“I do.” Brian says with a smile, as he slips my ring all the way on my finger.

“Justin do you take this man to be your husband?” I take his hand in mine putting his ring right at the tip of his
finger. “Forsaking all others? To love and to cherish till death do you part?”

“I do.” I say as I slip his ring all the way on his finger. We both smile at each other and turn our heads toward the
minister.

“Well then I now pronounce you husbands.” he says with a smile. “You may now kiss your husband.” I look to
Brian with the biggest smile I have ever had as he takes me into his arms and kisses me with everything he has,
which I give right back. I can hear everyone clapping and hollering. When we finally pull away, it’s reluctantly, and

we start to get mobbed by everyone wanting hugs and kisses. First Daphne then my mom. I can see Brian hugging
Michael and they both have huge smiles on their faces. Then Deb attacks him as Michael makes his way over to me.

“Congratulations Justin.” he says hugging me.

“Thanks.” I say in return before Deb makes her way to me and puts me in a bear hug.

“Oh Sunshine. I’m so happy for you two.”

“Thanks Deb.” I say pulling back and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“You be good to him, ok?” she says taking my face in to her hands. I give her a huge smile.

“Absolutely.” I answer. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for him, and nothing we can’t accomplish together.....

END