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If you see this book or any other written
Three years ago
Surrounded by the excited chatter
of my friends, and grateful to be released
from the shackles of school for another
year, I lean against the railing, tilting my
head back to get the sunshine on my face.
We do it every year, escaping down to
the seafront to get away from the
parents’ list of chores. I’m surrounded
by my friends, mainly the girls, who
have one aim–to watch the high school
boys. The other guys in our group
haven’t gotten out of bed yet. They’ll
join us eventually, clutching their
Frappuccino’s and complaining at the
early hour. Can two in the afternoon be
considered early?
“Here
they
come!”
Ginnie
whispers loud enough for the group to
hear.
The girls giggle and point
excitedly at the group of boys making
their way toward us. Ginny forgets
herself and squeals loudly. The others
all tsk and nudge her. They don’t want
the boys to think they’re not cool.
Surreptitiously, lip gloss is reapplied
and stray bangs are fingered back into
place. Everyone wants to look their best
for the high school boys, in the hope that
they might glance over and notice them.
As the lone male in the group, I look
down and smile into my slushie. If the
other guys were here we’d be catcalling
and teasing the girls. As it is, I’m not
gonna ruin their little fantasy. We’re
fifteen. Still kids in their eyes. My girls
don’t stand a chance because a few feet
from us are a different bunch of
groupies; the high school girls. They’re
here to watch too, in their short shorts
and tops that barely cover their breasts.
They primp and preen for the boys who
love the attention, flexing their muscles
as the high school girls sigh.
Jeez, it’s like a mating ritual. The
lions and the lionesses display for each
other. Or is it the baboons? I can’t
remember. I’ve stopped listening as
Miss Ritter blushes her way through sex
ed every year.
I’m here because my girl friends
don’t want to look as if they’re watching
the boys, even though they are, and
everyone knows it. Heck, they all watch
the boys. My friends tell me I’m there to
watch the girls.
“You can stare at Cassandra’s
breasts,” Ginny bounces her own meager
bust as we meander down to the
promenade, our flip-flops loud against
the sidewalk.
Cassandra is on the cheerleading
squad. She’s real popular with the guys.
I’m more than happy to be there
but it isn’t to watch Cassandra bounce
her tits at the football captain. I don’t tell
anyone because I’m not dumb and I like
my face just as it is, but I’m happy to
watch the eye candy, only it isn’t the
girls with too much makeup and not
enough clothes. I’m there to watch the
boys. I lean against the notice about
picking up dog shit and will my body not
to spring another boner as the boys strip
off their T-shirts. Most of them eighteen
and the start of a summer tan on their
whippet-lean bodies, I can see the
promise of the men they will become. A
few are older, college kids back home
for the summer, lording their freedom
over the others.
My body reacts instinctively.
Give me a break. I’m fifteen. I see a guy
in just his board shorts, of course I’m
going to pop a boner. I’m trying to play
it cool but at this point I can’t turn
around, so I concentrate on my icy drink
and will my erection away.
“Look at Suzie.” Millie nudges
my elbow.
I nearly end up with the slushie
down my front. At least that would have
tamed my stupid dick. I look over to
whether the older girls are leaning over
the railing. Suzie is pushing so far
forward her tits are almost out of her
top.
“She’s such a skank,” Millie said
scathingly.
I know better than to smile.
Millie is wearing exactly the same outfit.
She just needs a couple more years to
wear it as well.
“She’s just your type,” Millie
adds.
I manage to turn a snort into a
cough. Just my type? She has got to be
kidding. Suzie is nothing like my type. If
Millie only knew that the boy she
mooned over for the past two years is
exactly my type; tall and dark with
puppy dog eyes and a smile that made
my knees go weak.
A few of the boys start knocking
the ball over the net. There’s a
collective sigh from the girls as they
watch them play. I can tell the boys are
playing to their audience; they laugh,
they curse, calling each other names that
would make their mommas cuff their
ears. It’s all too loud, fake, look-at-me.
“Look at Joel. No don’t look!”
Ginny hisses as I turn to look. “He’s
watching me.”
Joel? The captain of the football
team, Joel? Joel Summer is six foot of
pure sex with close-cropped black hair,
dark tanned skin, and a smooth, broad
chest with just a thin trail of dark hair
disappearing under the waistband of his
blue shorts. He plays football, baseball,
runs track, and still managed to get good
enough grades to get into an Ivy League
college. He was the Prom King who
claimed the prettiest girl in school. He’s
everything I want to be. The high school
girls gasp and wet their panties every
time he so much as smiles in their
direction, so what’s he doing looking at
a fifteen-year-old kid?
I sneak a peek in his direction,
watch him as he hits the ball and that’s
when I notice his eyes flitting our way.
Our gazes lock. It’s a thunderbolt and
lightening moment. An epiphany that
shocks every nerve-ending in my body.
Ginny is mistaken. Joel is definitely
looking our way but he’s not looking at
her. Joel Summer isn’t looking at Ginny.
He is looking at me. As I stare at him in
shock, Joel catches me looking at him
and even from here I see the fear when
he catches me watching. He looks away,
narrowly missing a ball in the chest. The
other boys jeer at him and he flushes a
deep red.
“He was looking at me.” Ginny
sounds awed.
Well fuck. I want to disagree
with her, to tell her she’s wrong. I want
to claim him. Instead I snort into my
drink and hug that moment to myself.
Joel Summer is gay, and
because of that split-second of eye
contact he knows I am too. It’s almost
scary how excited that makes me.
*
Two years ago
“Jesus, I thought that woman was
never going to stop giving orders,”
Millie grumbles as we turn the corner to
the seafront. “Stay at home, clean your
room. What the heck does the bitch think
vacation is for?”
I tune out her moans. Millie
never stops complaining about her
mother. We hear the same thing day in,
day out. Millie will do as she is told
eventually.
“And she wants me to get a job.”
That catches my attention. I look
over to see Millie chewing on her
bottom lip. I pull it out gently.
“Millie?”
She hangs back, letting the rest of
the group get ahead. “Dad’s work. They
think it’s gonna close at the end of the
summer. Mom says there’s no money for
the vacation.”
“That’s harsh,” I say, holding her
hand.
“I know. I’m scared, Seth. I
heard him crying last night. My dad!”
Millie’s dad is three hundred
pounds of pure muscle and looks like
one of the ugly dudes from the porn
movies, my best friend Ryan makes me
watch. Millie’s dad scares the living
crap outta me. I can’t imagine him
crying.
“What are you going to do?” I
ask, as we cross the road.
She shrugs. “Look for a job I
guess.”
That’s the cool thing about
Millie. Underneath all the bluster and the
moaning, Millie’s got her head screwed
on right and she genuinely cares about
her parents.
“Mrs. Chidder’s looking for help
in the shop. She’s real fussy about who
she takes on though. Won’t have any of
them foreigners.”
Millie starts laughing. “You
mean anyone who isn’t born in Chester.”
I grin at her. “You got it.”
“Come on, lovebirds,” Ryan
screams from our spot on the railing.
“You can fuck her later.”
Millie and I look at each other
and burst out laughing. She’s the only
one that knows the truth about me. I had
to tell someone. I’ll rephrase that. She
guessed and pinned me down until I told
her.
The boys have already started
playing, leaping up into the air, their
bodies covered in a light sheen of sweat
that I find a real turn-on. I lean against
the board and watch the boys play. A
few of last year’s boys, home from
college, join in with the game. My heart
stutters when I realize Joel Summer is
mixed in with the crowd. I haven’t seen
him since last summer and I soak up the
details eagerly.
He’s even more
gorgeous than he was at eighteen. He’s
broader, his muscles more defined. His
hair is longer than before, curling around
his ears.
That glance on the beach a year
ago was the only contact. I watched him
closely for the rest of the summer but
Joel never once looked my way again,
much to Ginny’s disappointment–and
mine.
Millie leans against me as we
watch the match. It seems more serious
than the usual knockabouts, and at one
point there’s a scuffle between two of
the seniors. I don’t pay too much
attention though, more concerned with
watching Joel. A couple of girls run
down to talk to him. I vaguely recognize
them, and I remember that he has a
younger sister. One of the girls looks
like him, with dark hair and the same
olive skin. They have an animated
conversation for a minute, and then a boy
joins them. I don’t recognize him and I
assume he must be one of Joel’s college
buddies.
The rough-housing ceases and
the game resumes. I get bored and
decide to go get ice cream. As I move
away, Joel looks over, directly at me.
He bites his lip in an anxious gesture and
I nod, not sure what else to do. Then
he’s off again.
“Holy shit!”
Millie’s staring at me as if I’ve
grown two heads. “Joel Summer is
fucking queer?”
I look around nervously but no
one seems to be noticing her freak-out.
“Shhh!” I shush her and drag her off
toward the ice cream stand.
Millie allows me to push her
across the road and then she stops dead,
ignoring all my attempts to move her.
“Joel is gay? What the fuck, dude? Why
didn’t you tell me?”
“Like I’m gonna out the guy,” I
point out. “Anyway, I don’t know that
for sure. How the hell did you guess?”
“You just told me.”
Damn, I want to punch the smirk
off the bitch’s face. “I told you zip.”
“Yeah right. I saw the look he
gave you, Seth. So what happened? You
two…?”
“Nothing,” I say hastily. “He just
looked at me last year and I guessed. I
don’t know.”
She nods and though I’m angry, I
know she won’t talk. Millie doesn’t run
her mouth off like Ginny or Taylor. I
trust her more than even my best friend,
Ryan.
“I won’t say anything,” she
promises. “Don’t do anything stupid,
Dawnie.”
Rolling my eyes, both at the
nickname and the warning, I push her
toward the stand. I owe her an ice cream
and say so.
“With sprinkles and raspberry
sauce. No, make that chocolate.”
I salute Millie and give the
order. We walk back to where everyone
is still watching the boys. The girls are
leaning over the railing, drooling over
them.
“They’re such hos,” Millie says
fondly.
“You’re just as bad.”
“So are you,” she mutters.
I nudge Millie so hard ice cream
smacks into her nose. She screeches
loudly enough for the boys on the beach
to look over.
Most of them laugh at the sight of
Millie’s bright red face covered in ice
cream and sprinkles. To my surprise,
Joel glares at us, making some comment
about kids. I glare back as I catch the
angry look in his eyes. To test him, I fuss
over Millie, mopping her face with a
paper towel that I had stuffed in my
pocket and watch him out of the corner
of my eye. Joel’s face gets even darker
and he turns away. I feel a surge of
triumph. He’s jealous. Maybe he thinks
Millie is my girlfriend.
“Ow!” I look outraged at Millie.
She has just stamped on my foot. Okay,
the flip-flops didn’t hurt too much but
still.
“You’re being a douche,” she
says bluntly.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do.” The others are
too close for Millie to be more specific,
but we both know what she’s talking
about.
Ryan comes over and slings his
arms around both of us. “Finished
playing, children?” When we nod, he
starts herding us back the way we came.
“It’s fucking boring hanging about
watching these cock munchers. We’re
going to the skate park.”
I let myself be dragged along
with the rest of the crowd, but I can’t
help looking over my shoulder one more
time. Joel’s lip is caught between his
teeth and he’s watching again, like he
can’t help it. I try to catch his eye, to…
to apologize for being an ass, but I’m not
sure he gets it.
*
One year ago
“Why the fuck are we doing this
again?” Ryan moans.
I think the same thing but I make
the usual reply. “We’re meeting the girls
here. You know they’re just here for the
boys.”
“Oh, like you aren’t here for the
same thing, butt munch.” Ryan shoves me
as we cross the road.
Yeah, a lot has changed in a
year. I was outed during my sophomore
year by the biggest closet case you’ll
ever have the misfortune to meet. He
blew me at junior prom and then
panicked and told everyone I came on to
him. The result was predictable. Fag
spray
painted
across
my
locker,
Facebook hassle, you know the sort of
thing. Only I was lucky. My friends
ignored the haters and stuck by me,
despite their parents forbidding them to
have anything to do with the homo. They
even started a GSA at my school, much
to the disgust of the principal.
Ryan and Jack wanted to target
Todd Williams, the closet case, who led
the bullying, but when he came into
school with black eyes and a broken
nose from walking into his dad’s fist, I
put a stop to it, figuring the guy had
enough to worry about. Still, my friends
let him know that if he got within three
feet of me, he’d be singing soprano for
the rest of his life.
As we get to the girls, one of the
boys playing on the beach looks up.
“Dawn, Sullivan, get your butts
down here. We’re short on numbers.”
Ryan and I look at each other.
We are being invited to play with them?
“Go on, you morons,” Ginny
hisses behind us.
I look at Ryan. He shrugs. What
the hell? We run down the steps and join
the boys. I hesitate when I see one or
two of the dickheads who wanted my ass
kicked but they ignore me. Wise
decision. Did I say I’m on the basketball
team now? I’m half a foot taller than
most of the guys here and could hand
their fucking asses back to them.
It’s only as I strip off my tank top
I see two more have joined the small
group on the beach. Christ on a crutch, at
twenty Joel is more gorgeous than ever.
He looks older, more like a man. He
makes me feel like a kid next to him,
despite the fact I’m several inches taller
than he is.
“Seth, good to see you,” he says,
as we end up on the same team, with
Ryan and Joel’s friend.
I’m about to answer when one of
the guys on the opposing team curls his
lip.
“Don’t stand too close to Dawn,
Summer. You might catch the homo.”
Joel looks at me—I shrug
helplessly—and then at the moron who
just spoke. “You’re going down, ass
wipe,” he says to Mattez. Joel grins at
me. “Ready?”
Oh hell yes.
By the end of the game, the
opposing team cries uncle and collapses
on the sand, unable to move. Ryan leaps
up in the air and high-fives all of us. I
still don’t know Joel’s friend’s name but
I high-five him anyway.
Some of the high school girls run
down with bottles of water. I undo mine
and chug gratefully at the cool liquid,
trying not to watch the way Joel’s throat
works as he drinks most of his bottle.
Two of the girls are hanging off his
every word. I turn away, trying not to
make it obvious that I’m doing the same
thing and I see Joel’s friend watching
me, a brooding expression in his eyes.
He’s almost as tall as me, with light
blond, curly hair. Much like mine really.
“Good game,” I say lamely.
He doesn’t respond immediately.
I’m about to repeat myself when he
speaks, so quietly I can barely hear him.
“I thought he liked you because
you look like me. But now I realize it’s
the other way around. It’s always been
the other way around.” He walks off,
leaving me staring after him.
Joel looks up and sees his friend
heading for the stairs. “Jamie, wait up.”
Jamie doesn’t stop walking and
Joel has to run to catch up. He grabs
Jamie’s arm, who throws it off angrily. I
wonder if I’m the only one who can see
their exchange for what it is, a lover’s
quarrel.
“Wonder what got his panties in
a wad?” Ryan asks, as he bounces up to
me. He’s still on a high, as much from
being invited to join the match as
actually winning it.
“Summer, are you coming back
for a rematch?” Mattez bellows.
I watch the fierce shake of
Jamie’s head and Joel’s shrug.
“Not today. See you tomorrow?”
Joel’s eyes slide over to me.
It’s a quick gesture that probably
no one else sees, except Jamie catches
it. Before I can even respond, Jamie
storms up the steps, and Joel follows
him.
I turn back to find Ryan giving
me a knowing look. “Later,” I hiss and
he nods.
Losing myself in another match
seems a good way to fend off the
questions I know are coming. Despite
appearances Ryan isn’t stupid. It would
be easier if he were.
It’s too hot and I’m too restless
to stay in for another evening playing
nice with Gramps and his third wife. I
pound the sidewalk, wondering what the
fuck to do with myself.
Ryan and Millie are… actually,
I’ve got no fucking idea what they’re
doing but they are busy, and I don’t feel
like listening to Ginny and the other girls
moon over the football team.
I can’t go to either of the gay
bars because Chester is a small place
and
the
bouncers
know
me.
Disconsolately, I wander down to the
seafront and lean on the railing,
watching the sun slowly sink below the
horizon. It’s calming, if boring, and I
like seeing the way the sky changes
color, deepening through pinks, oranges
and blues.
When someone joins me at the
railing, I don’t have to look up. I know
who it is by the way my body reacts to
him.
“Nice
night,”
Joel
says
eventually.
I look at him them, realizing for
the first time I can actually talk to him, I
don’t have to guard my words.
“Where’s Jamie?” I ask.
Joel looks away. “He’s decided
to go home.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, knowing that
it’s not my fault, but feeling guilty
anyway.
Joel gives a short laugh. “It’s not
your fault. It was going to happen at
some point.”
“He said…” I pause as I work
out what to say. “He said you went with
him because he looked like me.” It
sounded douchy but I didn’t know how
else to put it. Our hands rest side by side
on the railing. If I stretched my fingers
I’d be touching him.
“He’s right.” Joel sighed. “Hell,
he’s tall, blond and legal.”
“I’m
legal,”
I
protested,
anticipating by six months.
He smiles at me a little sadly.
“Not yet and you weren’t when I first
saw you. I wasn’t legal.”
My eyes widen as I realize just
how long ago that was.
“And now?” I ask.
“I’m not out.”
“I am.”
“I know.”
And that’s when it hits me. I take
a step backward.
“What are you saying?” I know
exactly what he’s saying but I need to
hear the words out loud.
Joel’s fingers are white-knuckled
over the top railing. “My parents think
Jamie is just my friend and roommate.”
“And I can’t be your friend?” I
try to make my voice light but the catch
gives me away.
He shakes his head. “They know
about you. You should hear them go on
about queers.”
I suppose I ought to be grateful
that he sounds regretful. I don’t feel very
grateful. “I have heard them. I live here
remember?” It wasn’t just the kids that
had harassed me. I’d taken shit from the
adults as well, especially the Holy
Rollers like Joel’s parents.
“That’s the point, don’t you
see?” Joel slams his fist on the railing,
and some people look over.
“Why don’t you tell me?”
“If I bring you home, my parents
will know about me.”
“Because you have one fag
friend?”
Joel looks at me. “You don’t
understand, Seth.”
“Oh, I understand,” I spit out. I
can’t look at him anymore and walk
away. I am breathing so hard I can
hardly drag oxygen into my lungs. I’m
aware of him keeping pace with me but I
ignore him; angry and hurt beyond belief.
“Seth, please stop. Talk to me.”
“What’s the point? You don’t
want to be seen talking to the fag.” I
keep my head down, my hands thrust into
my pockets.
The next thing I know I’m being
manhandled down a dark alleyway. I tell
myself that it’s only the surprise that lets
Joel get away with it. I’m taller and I
probably outweigh him. I let him slam
me up against the wall and then he’s
pulling my head down and kissing me so
hard, I can feel his teeth grazing my
bottom lip.
“Fuck, fuck,” I manage to say.
He gives me a brief moment to
draw in a breath and curse, before his
mouth is on mine again. His dick is
pressing into my thigh and he’s all but
humping my leg.
The kiss gentles until Joel is
exploring
my
mouth
rather
than
assaulting it and his hands slide through
my hair, angling my head to suit him.
I’m not used to this tenderness.
On the rare occasions I get a chance to
get off with something other than my
right hand we’re rushing to finish before
we’re discovered. I’m not thinking about
tender kisses.
The gentleness doesn’t last long
though and the need to get Joel’s dick in
my mouth takes over. Despite the muck
on the ground, I sink to my knees,
reaching for the button of Joel’s jeans.
Before I can undo it, Joel’s hands come
over mine.
“Stop!” he says hoarsely.
The noise that escapes me is
more of a whine. “Joel, please.”
“No!” He pushes my hands away
and steps out of my reach. “I can’t. My
parents...”
I stand up. “You started this,” I
point out bitterly.
He runs a hand through his short
hair. “I know, I know. I’m sorry, Seth.”
“Yeah, sure you are. You’re a
fucking coward, Summer.”
I shake my head and walk away.
This time he doesn’t follow me.
No more, I think. No more
waiting for Joel Summer. And for the
rest of the vacation I find myself a
succession of boyfriends who are more
than willing to let me suck their dick.
This Year
“Stop fucking posing, Ryan, and
concentrate.” I throw the ball at Ryan. It
hits him square in the chest.
“Ow! Fucker!” Ryan throws the
ball away and runs at me. Before I can
move he’s tackled me to the ground.
I hit the sand with muffled
“Ooof!”
Ryan pins me to the ground with
a triumphant yell. “Gotcha!”
“Why, Ryan…” I bat my
eyelashes at him. “If you want me, you
only have to ask.” I watch as he cottons
on to what I’m saying and I move in for
the kill. “Don’t you think the beach is a
bit public for our first time?”
His eyes widen and he scrambles
off me as if his ass is on fire.
“Ow!” It’s my turn to grunt as he
catches me in the ribs.
The other boys are jeering at
Ryan and I join in. We’re still horsing
around when Ryan stiffens.
“Dawn.” His voice is low and
suspicious.
I follow his gaze and my stomach
makes a roller coaster swoop. Joel is
looking down at us, a tentative smile on
his face. My face darkens as I recognize
the girl holding his hand. Cassandra with
the big tits. Even bigger now at this
angle.
“I wondered if I could join in
with you guys?” he asks.
“Joel, good to see you, man.”
Tom slaps him on the back. “Hey, you
brought Cassandra with you.”
Joel looks embarrassed and
when Cassandra flashes the bling on her
finger, I realize with a sinking feeling
what’s coming next. “Cassandra and I…
we’re engaged.”
The couple is surrounded by the
others, offering their congratulations.
Ryan looks at my face and pulls me
away.
“Come on, dude. Let’s get a
soda.”
I nod and we walk away from the
happy couple, not caring how rude it
looks. Ryan’s hand is on my shoulder as
we head toward the girls.
“Breathe,” he orders.
I’m trying, but the lump in my
throat is making it fucking difficult.
Millie rushes toward us, with
Ginny hard on her heels. The others
follow, and they surround me; my friends
and protectors. They all know about my
feelings for Joel Summer, and how he’d
felt about me for years. Ryan could
never keep his mouth shut. They did
though, and kept Joel’s precious secret.
Millie gathers me up in her arms
and I rest there for a while.
“Hey, baby,” she croons. “Let’s
go down to the skate park.”
“Fucking hell, it must be snowing
in August.” Ryan sounds shocked and I
am too. Millie hates the skate park as
much as we hate the mall.
“Get lost, loser,” she says
without much heat.
We shuffle off toward the skate
park, but then he’s there, in front of me,
and I’m back to feeling sick and angry
again.
Joel looks tired, I can see that.
Dark smudges under his eyes mar his
tanned skin. He’s thinner too, his
collarbones standing out in sharp relief
above the neckline of his T-shirt.
“Hi, um, Seth. Can I talk to you?”
His lip curling in his best James
Dean impression, Ryan moves so that he
stands in front of me. I am touched but he
blocks my view of Joel. However, the
other boys seem to have the same idea.
There is a wall between me and the boy
that hurt me so badly.
“Shouldn’t you get back to your
fiancée, Summer?” Ryan snarls.
“Yes, but…”
“Get lost, Summer.”
Millie steers me around him and
we walk down the seafront toward the
skate park. I want to look around, to see
if he’s looking at me, but when I raise
my head, Millie clamps it to her
shoulder.
“Don’t,” she warns. “Don’t give
him the satisfaction.”
I press a kiss to her skin, tasting
strawberry lotion and suntan oil.
“Thanks,” I say, and she sighs.
“It’s okay, honey.”
But it’s not really.
Like all the previous summers,
Joel disappears, and I hear no more
about him, until we’re all crowded into
a booth in Dunkin’ Donuts and Ginny
rushes up to the table.
“Jesus, have you heard about
Joel?”
“Ginny,” Millie starts, but Ginny
waves her down.
“He’s in the hospital. He told his
parents that he was a faggot and his dad
beat him up so bad he had to go to the
hospital.”
I sit bolt upright, fear making my
heart pound. Joel’s dad was known to be
handy with his fists. If he’d hit Joel he
could do real damage.
“Is he… going to be all right?” I
ask, petrified of the answer.
Ginny shook her head. “Tom
says he’s hurt pretty bad. The police
have arrested Mr. Summer.”
“When did this happen?” Ryan
asks.
“Two days ago. Cassandra told
her mom that Joel split up with her cos
he was a ho…” She subsides at my
glare. “Anyway, she rang Joel’s and his
dad went fucking apeshit. Neighbors
called the police and found Joel on the
floor bleeding to death.”
“Surprised they even bothered to
arrest Mr. Summer,” Ryan grunted,
stuffing his face with another donut.
So am I. The cops aren’t hot on
hate crimes around here.
“The boy was seriously injured,”
Millie points out. “They can’t ignore
that.”
“I should go and see him,” I say.
My friends look at me as if I’m
insane.
Millie shakes her head. “Don’t
be an idiot. They won’t let you in to see
him.”
“’Sides which, the dude doesn’t
need more trouble. Another homo turning
up won’t win him any friends.” Ryan
says bluntly.
“But…”
Ginny covers my hand with hers.
“He’s too injured at the moment. My
mom is friends with Mrs. Summer. I’ll
let you know what is going on, and if she
sees Joel I’ll make sure she passes on a
message.”
I bite my lip. She makes sense
but I want to be near him, to know he’s
okay.
“He’ll be fine,” she promises.
I have to blink rapidly to hold
back the tears. No way am I going to cry
in public twice in one day.
Ten days later, I’m at home,
planning what I am taking to college
when there’s a tap at my outside door. I
live in the old garage. That way I can
have boys home and Mom doesn’t have
to know about it. It’s an arrangement that
suits us both.
Ryan is bringing takeout and
DVDs for the evening. I open the door to
Ryan and the last person I expect to see.
Ryan has got Joel propped up against the
doorframe while he juggles with the
pizza and beer–his older brother comes
in useful like that. Joel is a mess, his
face still swollen and covered in
bruises. He manages to give me a
tentative smile.
“Look what I found,” Ryan says,
thrusting the boxes at me and taking
Joel’s arm.
He manages to get Joel over to
my sofa where the man collapses in an
ungraceful heap onto the cushions.
I raise my eyebrows at Ryan who
shrugs as if it’s no big deal.
“He called me.”
“Called you?”
“Well, he called my mom.”
“Mom threw me out of the
house,” Joel whispers. “Said it was
better if I left so that Dad could come
back. She drove me to a hotel. Said she
would pay for the room until I was well
enough to drive back to school.”
I kneel by his side, unsure if I
can touch him, unsure where to touch that
isn’t beaten black and blue.
“He called me to ask if I could
get a message to you,” Ryan says,
hanging back as if he isn’t sure what to
do.
“I forgot my phone. I could only
remember Ryan’s house.”
I storm over to the house door,
yelling for my mom.
Joel tries to sit up. “Seth, what
are you doing?” He gasps as he clutches
his side.
I push him back down, not
convinced he isn’t going to pass out.
“Stay there.” I’m pleased when he
subsides under the gentle pressure.
“Seth? You screamed?” My mom
does sarcasm like no other. They learn it
at mom school. “Ryan. Joel?” She
sounds surprised to see Joel. I see the
pity in her eyes at his appearance.
“Mrs. Dawn.” Even hunched
over, Joel greets her politely.
Ryan does his usual “Ma.”
It’s strange that I can tell that
Joel is pushed to the edge of his
endurance. Fuck it. I slip my fingers into
Joel’s, not letting him pull away. “Mom,
Joel’s mom has kicked him out of the
house.”
Her jaw drops. “What?”
“Mom said it would be better if
my dad came home and I left, as I’m
going back to college.”
“Give me your phone, Seth.” My
mom holds out her hand.
“Wh-what?”
“Phone.Now.”
I hand it over.
“Are you going to call my
mom?” Joel asks worriedly.
She shook her head. “No, Joel.
You’re staying here, not in some crap
hotel. Oh no, sorry Pastor, I wasn’t
cursing at you. Are you free?”
Why the heck is she talking to the
pastor? “Mom? What are you doing?”
She waves a hand and walks out
of my room.
“What’s she doing?” Joel asks.
“Who knows?” I look at Ryan.
“Is there enough pizza for three?”
“Yeah, but I think I’ll go. We’ll
catch up later.”
I smile at him. He’s an awesome
friend. “Thanks. I’ll call tomorrow, if I
get my phone off my mother.”
Ryan says goodbye to Joel and
I’m left alone with Joel who looks as if
he’s already asleep. I sit on the bed and
push his dark hair back from the green
and yellow mottled skin.
Joel licks his lips. “Do you think
I could lie down for a while? I’m
exhausted. I’ll go home soon.”
“You heard my mom. You’re
staying the night, Joel, and then Mom can
drop you by the hotel to pick up your
things. You can stay here for the
summer.”
Joel must be tired because he
doesn’t argue with me. I help him to lie
down on the bed and stand, looking
down at him, not really sure what to do.
His eyes are closed and I take
the opportunity to look at him, wincing
as I see the damage wrought all over his
body. His T-shirt has ridden up, and the
bruising over his torso is clearly visible.
“Lie down next to me?” he asks.
I hesitate, but he follows it up
with an exhausted “Please?”
“Sure. Let me shut the door.”
I yell good night to my mom. She
doesn’t reply so I shut the door and
come back to the bed. I lie down next to
Joel, still fully dressed. Unexpectedly he
curls up as close as he can get without
touching me, and we lie together in
silence for a while. I’m surprised when
Joel speaks again.
“I’d like you to hold me but it
hurts too much.”
I smile. It’s typical. I wait three
years for this moment and now we can’t
do anything.
He sighs and says, “I didn’t want
to marry Cassandra. My parents insisted
that we get engaged before I go back for
my last year.”
I could have said that he should
grow a pair, but Joel has been torn apart
by both his parents. Now is not the time.
“We’ll talk tomorrow.” I pressed a kiss
against an unbruised patch of skin. “Go
to sleep, Joel.” I take the sigh as
agreement and settle back down.
Despite missing my pizza, I’m
happy to fall asleep to the sound of
Joel’s breathing.
*
We laugh and talk loudly as we
go for another match. It’s all loud, and
maybe a bit fake, as we play to our
audience. The guys are posing for the
high school girls, who giggle and flick
their hair. Ryan’s in the middle of a
tussle
with
Lance
over
Millie’s
affections, and it’s hard to tell who is
winning. Millie just rolls her eyes and
scarfs another hot dog.
None of the girls pay any
attention to me, but that’s okay, because
for once there is someone interested in
me, watching from the boardwalk with
Millie and Ginny. I look up to catch
Joel’s dark gaze on me. He sees me
watching and smiles. I grin back and flex
my bicep. Of course, my lack of attention
results in a ball in the face. Everyone
falls about laughing as I yelp. Joel just
rolls his eyes at me. He had an invitation
to play but I know his cracked ribs are
still giving him trouble.
The summer hasn’t been easy for
Joel. He’s had to deal with rejection by
his parents and former friends. He
would have left weeks ago if it hadn’t
been for me, he tells me every night. Not
just me though. My parents and friends
have all looked after him. Our pastor
calls him every night to see how he is.
Joel stands at the railing, surrounded by
the excited chatter of my friends. If
anyone harasses him, my friends crowd
around, like guard dogs on attack. For
the first time in his life, Joel isn’t hiding.
He has me.
THE END
About the Author
Sue Brown is owned by her dogs, Faith
and Tyler, and two teenagers.
When she isn't following their orders,
she can be found plotting at her laptop.
In
fact she hides so she can plot and has got
expert at ignoring the orders.
Sue discovered M/M erotica at the time
she woke up to find two men
kissing on her favourite television
series. The series is over; the kissing is
not.
She may be late to the party, but she's
made up for it since, writing fan fiction
until she was brave enough to venture
out into the world of original fiction.
Website
www.suebrownstories.com
Blog
http://suebrownsstories.blogspot.co.uk/
https://twitter.com/suebrownstories
Wall:
https://www.facebook.com/suebrownstories
Page:
https://www.facebook.com/SueBrownsStories
Available from Dreamspinner Press:
“Sacrifice” in Making Contact
The Night Porter
Light of Day
Nothing Ever Happens (also in audio)
Morning Report
Complete Faith
Papa’s Boy
Luke’s Present
WaitingThe Isle of… Where?
The Sky is Dead (coming soon)
Available from Silver Publishing:
The Backpack (also in audio)
Chance to Be King (also in audio)
Stolen Dreams
The Lord’s Tale Masquerade: The
Layered Mask
“Racing Raindrops” in Chasing the
Dream
“This Morning” in Hearts of England
Available from It’s Raining Men:
“Louis Hates Valentine’s Day” in On
Valentine’s Day
“Summer’s Dawn” in Hot Summer Fun
Available from Torquere Press:
Mr. Plum
Available from Noble Romance:
Final Admission
Available from Total-E-Bound:
The Arches #1 Tumbling Blindly
The Arches #2 Holding Together
Available from Amazon, All Romance
EBooks and Smashwords:
Hairy Harry's Car Seat
Bob, Destroyer of Leads (Coming Soon)
A Tale Told in Darkness #1 A Tale
Told in Darkness
