Saint lost his soul in Mexico a decade ago. Once a man of God, he
struggles against his restless nature, drawn to a life of death.
As a teenager, Harlow's innocence was stolen. Years have passed, yet
she still hides behind her rage, haunted by darkness, too afraid to trust.
Broken and desperate, they must let go of the past and embrace their
chance at love.
Damaged and the Saint
Bijou Hunter

Chapter One ~ Harlow
Vengeance was a dish best served cold. I wanted my payback. Hell, I
needed it really. No doubt destroying those who ruined my childhood
would feel righteous. I'd never know though. The evil bastards were
dead. The monster known as Playboy paid in blood for his sins, yet I
didn't take his life. What could a person do with a lust for revenge
they'd never satisfy?
For me, I worked out my anger while fighting in the Thunderdome for
money. I also trained at the local martial arts studio three times a week.
Every evening, I ran five miles. Every morning, I worked out at the
Reapers' club gym.
I liked to think of myself as a badass, yet I wasn't sure what to do with
all of my cool moves. One goal was to prepare for the big paintball
battles at the Johanssons' place soon. Yeah, I would kick some
badasses' asses.
Even thinking I was nuts, my parents knew they needed to allow me to
grow up. If I wanted to embarrass myself, who were they to interfere?
Stepping back allowed Winnie to find love. Now my turn had come to
leave the nest.
One of my new routines was running through the woods surrounding
Ellsberg. The uneven ground made me focus more than running
through a safe neighborhood. I'd suffered plenty of setbacks though.
During my first outing, a bird attacked me when I startled it. On my
third run, a squirrel dropped a nut on my head as I passed under its
branch. On my sixth visit to the woods, I lost my balance near the river
and toppled face first into a mud puddle. I was quite the badass.
On my tenth outing, I was on fire. Jumping over rocks, dodging low
hanging branches, avoiding animals, I felt invincible. Until I raced up
an incline and nearly ran into a man.
Scrambling to stop in time, I gawked at the fearsome figure. He wore a
gray hoodie over short brown hair, shadowing his dark features. Wide
shouldered and tall, he must have been over six four. Even

knowing dozens of tough men, I'd never seen anyone so imposing.
Despite my fear, I refused to be intimidated. I rolled my shoulder into
his gut. Yet even using all of my strength, my impact met a brick wall.
He never swayed or struggled to remain balanced. Like a gnat crashing
into an elephant, the attack didn't even cause him to change his damn
expression. He only stared at me as if bored.
I threw a punch he easily brushed off. My kick was effortlessly dodged.
Wearing a smirk now, he was no longer bored by me. Now, I was
funny.
Less skilled warrior and more ferocious wolverine, I attacked with hard
kicks and punches. He dodged, blocked, and pushed me away. So
desperate, I even considered shoving back his hoodie and yanking at
his hair like we were chicks fighting in high school. Instead, I kicked at
his crotch. No matter how badass he was, a shot to the balls would
bring him down.
Instead, he snagged my foot before it made contact. For a moment, he
held me still before shoving me back onto the ground. I landed hard on
my butt and frowned up at him.
"Sloppy move, little girl."
Pissed at the world and hating all men, I needed to find a way to defeat
this scary bastard. The rational part of me that didn't want to be raped
and killed decided to run for my life and warn the world an unkillable
monster existed in Ellsberg. Lock your doors! Get out the pitchforks
and torches!
His dark eyes convinced me I couldn't defeat him. If I pulled a knife,
he'd take it away from me. If I had a gun, he'd steal it away easily.
Unable to win this fight, I ran as if my life depended on it.
Up a slight hill, my dad's Harley was parked on the road. The hoodie
guy might have been right behind me, but I refused to look back. I didn'
t even slow down when I reached the bike. Once it roared to life, I
glanced over my shoulder to find no one following me. I gave myself a
second or two to catch my breath before speeding towards town.
I wasn't sure where to go. Home felt like the safest bet, but I couldn't
think about myself. This guy was dangerous. A stranger like him in
Ellsberg could be a threat to Cooper Johansson who was the new

president of the local Reapers Motorcycle Club. Hell, this guy could be
a threat to anyone.
Though I considered he might be a biker from Memphis in town for the
paintball games, I immediately blew off the idea. I'd seen the guys
coming into Ellsberg and they were all white. The Memphis visitors
were also full of bravado as if the next dick-measuring contest was
forever on the horizon. The guy in the woods didn't care if everyone
had a bigger dick. He would still win. Defeat wasn't an option for him.
After nearly crashing while speeding around a corner on the way to
Whiskey's Kirk, I pulled into a grocery store parking lot and settled my
nerves. I knew running into Kirk's place and babbling about a strange
man would make me look nuts. The Reapers would lose respect for me
and I'd embarrass my dad. If the Memphis guys were around, I'd feel
even worse. No way would I humiliate Cooper or myself.
Five minutes passed before I started the engine. Another five flew by
while I imagined what to say to Cooper.
Arriving at the bar, I spotted Cooper's Harley parked next to Tucker's.
Inside, the big, blond brothers shared a beer.
"I was attacked by a guy in the woods," I announced, walking up to
them.
"Why were you in the woods?"
Ignoring Tucker, I focused on Cooper. "I'd never seen him before and
he didn't move like any college student."
"Describe him," Cooper said, crossing his arms.
"Dark hair and eyes. Dark skin too. Big guy."
"Did he look like him?" Cooper asked, gesturing behind me.
The guy from the woods stood at the doorway. Despite being
surrounded by allies, I backed away in fear and bumped into Cooper. I
stared into the eyes of the smirking stranger.
"I forgot to mention," he said, looking over me to see Cooper. "I went
for an innocent run today, only to be assaulted by this woman in the
woods. You sure grow them crazy around these parts."
The guys around me laughed. Even the waitress snickered. The
laughter pissed me off and I stepped closer to the stranger.
"I didn't attack you."

He grinned down at me. "I startled you, causing all those womanly
feelings to get riled up in your pretty head. You reacted by attacking
me."
Glaring hard at him, I wanted another chance at landing a punch.
"Womanly feelings?"
"You missed the part where I called you pretty," he said, nearly
laughing.
My hands were in fists when Cooper stepped behind me and leaned
next to my ear.
"Harlow, this is Saint."
I stared at the smirking assassin for what felt like an eternity before
speaking. "I know I should be afraid, but I still want to kick your ass."
"Don't worry," he said, strutting past me. "I hear that a lot."

Chapter Two ~ Saint
Paintball games in Ellsberg, Kentucky weren't my idea of a vacation. I
was paid to shoot people with bullets. While this job wasn't my normal
deal, the bosses in Memphis wanted me around. My presence had more
to do with the other guys in the games than testing Cooper Johansson.
No matter the reason, the job was an easy paycheck.
The college town was what I expected. Old time flavor mixed with new
builds. The population consisted of bikers and college kids. The cops
never made eye contact, proving they were owned by the club. When
passing me on the street, the college girls giggled as if I was a frat boy
looking to party.
Smelling another predator in the mix, the dangerous men in town gave
me more respect. The college guys bumped into me though, too busy
checking out the barely clad coeds to know I'd killed people for less
than an inconvenience.
The only appealing part of Ellsberg was the woods. Bored, I trained
harder by running through the dense brush and over fallen trees. My
mind was on leaving Ellsberg when I ran into a girl who refused to
giggle at me.
I could have ended our little fight in the woods by explaining who I was
and how I knew who she was. A lot of guys might have taken the easy
way out, but I wanted to fight with a cute wannabe badass. Realizing
she was whipped, Harlow looked at me as if I was a monster. I didn' t
enjoy her fear as much as the tussle. Yet, I got a little hard when she
refused to back down at the bar. Harlow Todds might be unstable, but I
couldn' t look away.
I laughed at Harlow's glare, causing her to bolt out of the door. Any
normal man would let her sulk and I considered heading back to the
apartment complex for a shower. Chasing a pissed woman was a
pathetic move. I followed her anyway.
What I knew about Harlow was sketchy. She was tied up with the
Devils in Arizona before Vaughn Majors brought her to Ellsberg. A
year

earlier, I was sent to Phoenix to eliminate most of the club while
Vaughn killed the members who showed up in town. Harlow was
nineteen, fought at the Thunderdome, and lived with a member of the
Reapers. Before I arrived in Ellsberg, I didn't need to know more about
her. She wasn't a threat whether in or out of the paintball matches. Now
I was curious.
"You're welcome," I said, following her out the door.
Harlow spun around, nearly losing her footing on the gravel covered
parking lot. Her eyes were green or blue. Maybe both. All I knew was
they were glaring at me. Her expression would likely make a lesser
man squirm. I nearly laughed at the thought of some poor sap wetting
his pants over that glare.
"Thank you for what?" she finally growled.
"You know who I am now and what I could have done to you in the
woods. I showed mercy for a misguided youngster. I think I deserve a
hint of gratitude for my patience and self control."
Harlow's glare darkened and I swore she wanted to punch me.
"You made me look stupid in there," she said, changing the subject.
"No. In fact, you made yourself look stupid. I was only the weapon you
used. Don't blame the hammer because you missed the nail and hit your
thumb."
Harlow shook her head, so angry she couldn't speak. Wondering if she
was always so pissed, I suspected she was making a special exception
for me.
Harlow's expression suddenly shifted and she lost her anger. For a
moment, she looked lost. Blinking a few times, she shrugged and
turned away.
"Sorry I thought you were a pervert in the woods. Thank you for not
killing me. Have a nice day."
I should have let her walk away. Wanting a cold shot of tequila and a
big meal, I had plans that didn't involve charming angry chicks.
"Who trained you?" I asked, following her to a Harley.
Harlow glanced at me over her shoulder, debating whether to ignore
me or take the bait. I honestly didn't know what she might decide,

though my money was on her being tempted by the question. I won that
wager.
"Why?" she asked, crossing her arms.
I leaned against a truck and grinned at her frowning face. "He's doing a
shit job."
"I' m taking classes at the martial arts studio. The instructors are
black belts."
"Okay, then they suck at a black belt level."
"Just because I couldn't take down a professional killer doesn't mean
my instructors suck."
Putting up my hands, I shared her frown. "Hey, maybe you ought to
announce that professional killer info on a billboard? Save us the time
of wondering if you'll get me killed."
Harlow glanced around, her expression changing again. No more
teenage tantrum, now a smart woman.
"Sorry."
Studying Harlow's relaxed face, I admired her big eyes and those pouty
lips. "You like fighting and I assume you want to be good at it."
"I want to be strong. Fighting makes me that way."
"You fucked up when you came at me in the woods," I said, stepping
closer. "You gave up your advantage by entering a larger opponent's
sphere. Didn't your black belt instructors warn you about the male to
female body differences?
Harlow frowned darkly. She wanted to complain, even defend her
attack moves. Yet, they hadn't work on me and I doubted they would
have worked on a lesser man.
"What should I have done instead?"
"Assuming I was a real threat?"
"Yeah, assuming that."
"Let me come for you. The ground was rocky and uneven. I would be at
a disadvantage. You also would have been able to retreat if I pulled a
weapon. Instead, you came at me without knowing if I was armed."
Stepping closer again, I stood only a few feet from her. Harlow felt the
change in proximity, immediately on alert.
"You have an advantage in a fight against a man," I continued,

"especially a stranger. He'll see a young woman and assume you're an
easy target. You don't want to give away your advantage until the last
moment. They should have taught you that in your classes."
"It's not that kind of classes," Harlow said, now sheepish. "It's martial
arts, not what you're talking about."
"I'm talking about winning. Learning how to do a fancy kick won't win
a fight."
"Well that's the kind of training I can get in Ellsberg. I guess I could ask
Vaughn, but he's pretty focused on Raven right now. Besides, he
doesn't like me fighting."
"Vaughn sees you as the little girl he saved years ago, not the woman
you are now," I said, scratching at my goatee. "I could train you while I'
m in town."
Immediately suspicious, Harlow narrowed her eyes. Her angry
expression nearly had me laughing.
"Why would you help me? Is this a trick to get into my pants?"
As my gaze darkened, Harlow's eyes hinted at how she noticed the
change in my demeanor.
"Do I look like the kind of man who needs to trick women into his
bed?"
Harlow shook her head like a scolded child. Even irritated, I found her
interesting. She was beautiful and I sensed complicated layers under
her bratty demeanor. My mother was a stubborn woman too, giving me
a soft spot for ladies who told me no.
"Why would you help me though?" she asked in a small voice.
I shrugged. "I'm bored in this small town and you entertain me with
your womanly rage."
Eyes narrowing again, Harlow wanted to mouth off. I saw her ready to
put me in my place. She kept her womanly rage in control though.
"So you'd do this for free?"
"Yeah, but you'd have to be ready to train hard. I work out a lot," I said,
suspecting I'd need to work out more if I spent too much time around
this sexy blonde brat. "I won't treat you with kid gloves just because
you sit down to take a piss."

"You're making me want to say no."
"Say no then. I'll find other entertainment in town," I said, taking a step
back while hoping she fell for my ruse. "In fact, I'm going back to the
bar, having a drink, and finding somewhere to eat. If you change your
answer to yes, tell Cooper to give me a call."
Harlow's big eyes watched me until I disappeared into the bar. I felt
them on me, long after I stopped looking. She was just as curious about
me as I was about her. Despite her womanly rage, she would call
Cooper.

Chapter Three ~ Harlow
Feeling like an idiot, I couldn't catch my breath once Saint showed up
at the bar. At first, I thought he was simply scary. Now I had to admit I
was attracted to him. My feelings meant nothing. How could they?
Getting hot for a man like Saint was a no-brainer. Any woman would
swoon, yet stay as far away from him as possible.
Once Saint spoke to me, my feelings morphed into a ball of crazy. He
both insulted me and offered me a chance to get stronger. Saint treated
me like a woman rather than a child. I still felt silly in his presence.
Even wanting him to like me, I doubted anyone impressed a man
capable of killing men like the Devils.
By the time I arrived at my sister Winnie's house, I felt lost between my
need to prove myself worthy of Saint's respect and the desire to keep
him at arm's length until he left town.
Hearing the Harley, Winnie hurried out the front door to see me. My
sister's long, dark hair was a mess from her yanking on it before I
arrived.
"I heard you were attacked," she cried, meeting me at the driveway of
the house she shared with her husband Dylan. "Who told you that?"
"The girl at Whiskey Kirk's. She called me and said you were harassed
by one of those out of town guys," Winnie said then added, "She did
say he was hot. Not that him being hot makes him being an asshole
okay."
"He didn't really attack me. I thought he was a threat and tried to kick
his ass."
Following me into the house, she asked, "Did you hurt him?" "Not even
a little bit. I did hurt my knuckles trying to take him down."
Winnie didn't want to laugh, but she did anyway. I grinned at her
laughter.
"I'm sorry. I bet you were a real badass."

Rolling my eyes, I smiled wider. "It was like fighting a wall. Well, a
wall that can fight back. He was completely unfazed, but that makes
sense since it was Saint."
Winnie's smile faded. "The guy who took care of the Devils in
Phoenix?" When I nodded, she exhaled uneasily. "And you tried to beat
him up?"
I couldn' t help laughing. "Yeah, I tried to take down a professional
killer. Hard to believe I didn't take his ass to the ground, huh?"
Winnie smiled, but she looked worried. "Was he mad?"
"No. He thought it was funny. He also offered to train me."
Winnie stared at me in the dark way she got when the words in her head
were too difficult to say out loud.
"What does he want from you?"
"I don't know. I know he's a killer and he's good at it. I'm sure he can lie
well, but I really don't think it's a trick to hurt me. I think he actually
wants to train me to fight better."
Winnie didn' t respond. Her hazel eyes flickered around the room. I
remembered how scared she was when they first moved into the house.
How she called me most nights. How I called her the nights she didn't.
Eventually, she learned to live with Dylan and those calls weren't so
regular. These days, she slept fine without me.
"What's he like?"
"A jerk, but in a likeable way. You know, the same way as Cooper or
Vaughn. He seems smart too. Certainly knows how to read people."
I thought to mention his dark, intoxicating looks. Or his smile. No man
capable of such violence should possess such a warm smile. Saint did
though. He was big, strong, and gorgeous. I hated admitting I noticed
the last part. Attraction to men wasn't something I ever wanted to feel.
Saint wasn't just any man though. He was the one who killed the threat
haunting me for years.
"Do you want him to train you?" Winnie asked, snapping me out of my
thoughts.
I shrugged, but Winnie knew I was full of crap.
"When will I ever get a chance for someone like Saint to train me?
Vaughn thinks I'm a kid. Dad doesn't want me getting hurt. Everyone

humors me, but Saint doesn't look at me like a child. He's only in town
for a few weeks, so I don't have a lot of time to decide. Besides, I want
to say yes."
"Maybe you should ask Dad first."
I frowned. "I'm an adult. I don't need permission."
Winnie gave me a look that I suspected she would use on her kids one
day. "Not for permission, Harlow," she said in an overly patient voice.
"For guidance. You might be an adult, but you're still really stupid."
I narrowed my eyes. "You spend too much time with Bailey."
"Actually, it was Raven who said you were stupid," she said, grinning.
"Why the hell am I stupid?"
"Not really stupid, just the stupider sister anyway. She said she was the
smart sister in her family and you were the dumb one in our family. I
think she was trying to compliment me more than attack you."
"Oh, then I'm super cool with being called stupid."
"What are you going to do? Beat her up? She's carrying Vaughn's
spawn. Her words, not mine."
Frowning, I stood up and walked to the kitchen. "You keep talking
trash then blaming it on others, but it won't keep you from getting
smacked. You're not carrying spawn, are you?"
"Not yet," she said, following me. "Not for a while hopefully. Taking
care of the twins is enough baby time for me."
Winnie poured me a cup of coffee then one for herself. I suspected she
was moving slowly to avoid continuing the conversation. I didn't blame
her since I didn't know what to say either.
"What do you plan to do with the training?" she asked as we walked
onto the enclosed back porch. "You can't keep fighting at the
Thunderdome forever."
"I'm nineteen. I could keep fighting for ten years and it wouldn't be
forever."
"Why would you want to?"
"I don't want to go to college. I don't want to work as an office clerk or
waitress. I don't have many skills, but I can fight. Saint can

teach me to fight better."
Winnie's expression reeked of disapproval. I didn't blame her. If the
roles reversed, I'd be pissed to know my sister was fighting.
"I can't do what you did with Dylan," I said after a long while. "I don' t
want to do what you did. The idea of a guy touching me makes me sick.
Pisses me off too."
Nodding, Winnie looked sad. This new life of hers was perfect and she
wanted everyone to feel the same kind of happiness. In her mind, we all
needed to find our Dylan and fall in love like her. Except love was the
last thing I wanted out of life.

Chapter Four ~ Saint
Whiskey Kirk's menu looked decent, so I stuck around to eat. I also
figured Harlow would be calling her buddy Cooper soon. Waiting on
her call, I enjoyed a decent helping of pot roast and a not so decent slice
of garlic toast. As bar food went, the place was above average.
Covered in skulls, demons, fallen angels, crosses, hot women, the men
around me were all tatted. Some tattoos looked like works of art.
Others were crude. I planned to get tatted once I retired for real. Until
then, tattoos were a no-no for any real assassin.
Over the years, I'd played the part of foreign businessman and boy-toy
to rich women. Once I even played a tech nerd. Tattoos interfered with
the roles. They also made recognizable tells for witnesses. With my
mixed race, people reported I was Mexican, Samoan, black, and even
an Eskimo. One key to remaining free was leaving the cops with no
viable info to use. A witness might remember a tattoo though, so I
remained ink-free.
I had a few ideas for my first tattoo. Something from my childhood,
back when my soul was pure and my dreams were bigger than a good
shot of Tequila and a decent meal.
Whiskey Kirk's was full of badasses, keeping me constantly aware of
their locations. Sitting in the back of the bar so no one got the jump on
me, I noticed Cooper Johansson heading my direction. A big guy, he
was used to throwing his weight around. To me, he was just a kid
relying on his dad's rep along with his own size to scare weaker men. I
wasn't those men.
"Want to tell me why you offered to train Harlow Todds?" he
demanded in a hard voice while taking a seat across from me.
"She wants to fight, but doesn't have a clue what she's doing. I figured
I'd train her, so I'll have something to do while in your little town."
"Why her?"
I gave him a little grin. "She's a good looking gal. I'm not like

these other guys looking for an easy lay while in Ellsberg. I'm not
looking to hit anything besides a punching bag. Harlow is pretty, but
she's cold. All the temptation, but none of the worry about a clingy
chick whining when I'm ready to leave town."
Cooper studied me. While his dark eyes intimidated others, they
reminded me of Harlow's angry expression. Having stared into the eyes
of evil without blinking, I couldn't fear these children.
"Harlow is protected by the club," Cooper said in his best badass voice.
"Don't be fooled about her dad being a preacher. He protects what' s
his."
"Kid, I know you're the big dog around these parts, so you enjoy
hearing yourself talk. I'll warn you though. I'm too old to pretend I
care."
"I'm a big dog and you're a bigger one. Fair enough, but Harlow is my
responsibility. If you hurt her, I'll use my power to hurt you. Maybe I
don't scare you or maybe you'll think twice now. Either way, I said my
piece."
"When you talk to Harlow again, tell her I'll pick her up at seven
tomorrow. If she isn't ready, the deal is off. I'm not looking to babysit."
Cooper stood before changing his mind and taking his seat again. He
glanced around before focusing on me. "What do you think of the guys
Memphis brought?"
I wiped my mouth and leaned back. "Bikers look all the same to
me."
Forgetting for a moment he was the president of the Reapers, Cooper
wanted to mouth off. The kid was dying to put me in my place like any
stuck-up boy would. His moment of stupid passed.
"The twins don't look like much," he said, tempting me to add my two
cents.
"Dayton and Camden aren't so different than you except their daddy
isn't ready to retire yet."
Cooper glared at me before his gaze flickered around the bar again.
"Why bring those three guys?" he asked. "They're not in any clubs."
Studying Dutch and his two buddies, I noticed they weren't
comfortable around each other. I even suspected they first met after

arriving in Ellsberg. The three men sat together, yet remained separate.
"Rumor has it, there's a club doing a piss poor job of following orders
from Memphis," I said quietly and Cooper leaned in like a girl wanting
good gossip. "That particular club's leadership might be on its way out.
I suspect those three will be the ones to show them the door."
Cooper looked too smug for my taste, so I decided to mess with him
again. "Good thing your daddy is around to keep your ass safe,
huh?"
Cooper narrowed his eyes and my mind returned to Harlow. She was so
fucking sexy when she glared. Hilarious too. Shaking off thoughts of
sexy brats, I focused on the kid in front of me.
"The Memphis guys aren't testing me," he said like stating fact.
"They're testing those guys."
"Why make it an either or situation?" I asked, standing up and throwing
a ten dollar tip on the table. "The Memphis guys aren't getting any
younger. Old timers like stability. You and the twins taking over clubs
make them nervous. Now, they have this loser club down south. That's
a whole lot of change to make the Memphis seniors uneasy. So the way
I see it, you all need to be on your best behavior."
"What about you?"
I smiled wide for him. "Kid, I'm golden. The only reason I'm here is to
kill anyone who won't play nice."
Cooper didn't react to my words, boding well for him living past my
visit in Ellsberg. Leaving him to think over his situation, I paid the bill
and headed to the apartment complex the Reapers used for guests. A
quiet night awaited me, but tomorrow with Harlow was all I had on my
mind.

Chapter Five ~ Harlow
I didn't hate bowling. Okay, I did hate the actual bowling part. What I
didn' t mind was spending time with the crew once a week. After being
homeschooled in both Ellsberg and Georgia where we lived for a short
while, I hadn't made many friends. That was my fault more than the
school situation. I never wanted to let people close to me. Besides, I
had Winnie who understood me like no one else could.
My sister loved bowling. She was great at it too. Winnie and Dylan
were the only ones who challenged Vaughn and Raven. The four of
them quickly became obnoxious once the rivalry began.
The rest of us hung out, eating pizza and drinking beer, while taking
occasional breaks to roll the ball down the alley. The couples with kids
enjoyed the night out most of all. Cooper and Farah danced slowly to
the 1950's music playing overhead. Not to be outdone, Aaron and Lark
poorly reenacted moves from Dancing with the Stars. Tucker and
Maddy played with their food, trying to get French fries in each other's
open mouths. Watching them, I wondered if their behavior would ever
stop seeming lame.
Judd had the same expression on his face, alternating between
watching the bowling and his friends act stupid. Tawny offered to
throw a slice of pizza at him, if he was feeling left out. He gave her a
look that sent her into hysterics.
"Should we dance?" Bailey asked Nick who was reading on his
iPad.
Glancing up from under his hair, he smiled then shook his head.
"We might have lost our loving feeling," Bailey told me. "I feel like the
passion is gone."
Knowing she was teasing Nick, I ignored her comment and focused on
my sister rolling a strike.
"In your face, dingus!" she yelled at Vaughn.
When he faked anger, she ran behind Dylan.
"Stop cheating," Dylan told Vaughn. "Just because your woman

isn't bowling well tonight."
"I' m cooking a human being here," Raven announced for maybe the
hundredth time since arriving.
"So you should be a better bowler," Bailey muttered. "I mean, aren' t
you bowling for two?"
Raven flipped off Bailey who met the single middle finger with two of
her own. A contest was set off and I lost interest.
"Saint will probably kill you," Judd said, startling me since he rarely
acknowledged my existence.
"Why?"
"Why not?"
"He could have killed me today when I attacked him."
Bailey stopped messing with Raven long enough to laugh at me. I
rolled my eyes, making her laugh harder. Her laughter set off Nick until
they were chuckling at my expense.
"They're laughing with you," Tawny said, giving me a grin.
"Funny."
"Saint is no one," Judd said, taking a swig of beer. "He doesn't live
anywhere. Doesn't have a real name. No one knows anything about
him. He has skills Memphis needs. So if he were to do something to
you, they wouldn't punish him. They'd likely tell Cooper to let it go too.
Do you get my meaning?"
"Be honest though. If you could have him train you, wouldn't you say
yes?"
"Sure, but I'm me and you're not."
"Yeah, I'm a chick and he just wants to mess with me. Except he's
already taught me stuff and I want to learn more." "So you can go into
his work?" "I don't know. Maybe."
Judd smirked before turning away. Vaughn stared at us from the lanes,
clearly listening. I knew he wanted me to follow Winnie's lead and find
a nice guy to take care of me. Love would heal my wounds. I'd pop out
a few cute kids and enjoy playdates with the other girls. Might even
find a job that made me feel accomplished.
Unfortunately, nice guys pissed me off. I never understood why

until I went on a single date during high school. The guy was sweet as
sugar, great manners, and respectful to the point of being a wuss. Yet,
he didn' t want real. Every time I said something too rough, he got a
weird look as if I was crapping on his happy buzz.
I refused to spend my life lying about my past. Winnie didn't have to lie
with Dylan. Of course, he wasn't really a nice guy. He was moody and
had a killer instinct. He was the kind of nice guy someone like me could
end up with, yet my friends had already claimed all the viable messed
up possibilities in Ellsberg. Ending up alone wasn't the worst thing that
could happen to me.
I normally felt no curiosity about the romantic entanglements my
friends shared. After meeting Saint, I found myself startled by my
attraction to a man. Even when not thinking about him, I sensed him
lingering around the edges of my thoughts. I was insanely curious
about Saint and excited about spending time together tomorrow.
Even knowing the training would be brutal and likely leave me
embarrassed, I hadn't felt such anticipation in my life. My first night in
the Thunderdome only hinted at the rush I enjoyed whenever thinking
of Saint.
Morning couldn't come quickly enough.

Chapter Six ~ Saint
The Reapers put up their guests at an apartment building in the middle
of town. Close to everything, the place included a gym, pool, and hot
tub. The only feature missing from the place was room service. I heard
Memphis honchos Arlo and Mikey sent their guys for food rather than
having it delivered. Even in this college town and under the Reapers
protection, the Memphis guys didn't take any chances. They likely
tested their food for poison before eating it too. Paranoia kept them
alive into their sixties, so who could blame them for being careful.
Without a lackey to send on errands, I picked up a few sandwiches
from a deli along with a bag of chips and as much Gatorade the fridge
could handle. The sparse one bedroom apartment felt eerie, so I
dragged a chair onto the small balcony. Watching the traffic three
floors below, I tried to relax and failed.
A million times over the years, I'd considered retiring from this life. No
more killing or hiding. I wasn't a kid anymore. My mom frequently
asked me if I ever planned to settle down. She didn't really understand
what kind of man I was now. Her confusion was a calculated choice.
Mom wanted me to return to the boy she raised and spoiled. In her
mind, I should be past my demons by now. Instead they followed me,
leaving my plans for retirement forever postponed.
On one balcony below mine stood Dutch. The biker didn't understand
why he was in Ellsberg. Most of the guys figured they were special to
be chosen for the great Paintball Battles. Instead, they were being
tested as much as Cooper Johansson. Maybe Dutch understood this fact
because he gave me a knowing nod when our gazes met in the warm
evening.
Once he disappeared back inside, I sat on the balcony with my feet up.
I wanted to think about Harlow. No getting round the fact that she
tempted me. Tomorrow, I planned to find out if my temptation was
misguided. My hope was she kept me amused during my time in this
small college town.

Leaving the balcony, I headed down to the gym where I worked out
until barely able to stand. My body exhausted, yet my mind raced with
the logic I refused earlier. Why did I offer to train a damaged young
woman? I hadn't been myself since returning to the job a year ago. I'd
really believed I was ready to retire from killing. I was wrong. The
nightmares became unbearable and I stopped eating. Finally, I accepted
I wasn't ready to play Average Joe. Maybe I'd never be capable, but I
still dreamed of giving up this life of death and lies.
A shower and sandwich later, I rested on the couch and watched a
horror movie on regular cable. In my mind, I relished the cinematic
suffering rather than the genuine pain awaiting me in my dreams. Years
ago, a shrink I wasted a single session on claimed I suffered from Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder. Having someone point out the obvious
wasn't worth my time or money.
Harlow likely suffered from PTSD too and dealt with her share of
nightmares. After our encounter earlier in the day, she knew once again
how the world was dangerous in a way she wasn't capable of defeating.
Dozing off into what proved to be brutal dreams, I knew Harlow
needed my help. All her rage made her sloppy. Stupid even. With my
training, she had a chance to survive not only a dangerous world, but
her own demons. If she distracted me from my demons, we'd both
come out winners.

Chapter Seven ~ Harlow
Up by five, I stood in the family room and waited for Saint. Dad sat on
the couch, silently giving me pep talks. Don't let him mistreat you. No
matter who he is, you can say no. Don't let him bully you. Don't. Don't.
Don't. Be careful. Come back to me safe.
My eleven-year-old brother Jace wandered into the room, half-asleep
on a pee break, and hugged me.
"I'll mourn you," he said, eliciting a frown from our dad.
"You're in charge of my eulogy. Be sure to cry a lot and do the crying
snort thing too. Really make a show of it."
Staring up at me through thick black hair, he smirked. "I'm too old to
cry, but I promise to snort."
He shuffled out of the room, leaving me alone with Dad.
"If you need help, call," Dad said, running a hand through his still thick
red hair.
"He won't hurt me."
"No one knows anything about him. He might be crazy." "I doubt it."
Dad grunted before focusing on the morning news. Ignoring him
because he was making me tense, I planned to play cool when Saint
arrived. Instead of behaving like a badass though, I nearly jumped up
and down when his SUV pulled up in front of our house.
Dad tugged me into a hug. "Don't die."
"Subtle."
"The subtle stuff wasn't working."
Hugging him back, I smiled. "I better go before he honks and wakes up
the neighborhood."
Once Dad released me from the bear hug, I grabbed my bag and hurried
outside. Saint wasn't sitting with his hand hovering over the horn like I
expected. I opened the door to find him with his head leaning back on
the headrest.
His exhausted expression startled me. I'd pictured him as a

machine rather than a man needing a solid night's sleep to function.
"You look tired," I said dumbly while climbing into the SUV. "I am.
You look wired." "I'm excited to learn something."
Saint frowned at me. "I need coffee before I can tolerate such
peppiness."
Once he heard the click of my seatbelt, Saint hit the gas and headed for
a local coffee house.
"Starbucks would be faster."
"College kids live there. No way am I awake enough to deal with those
punks."
"Did you go to college?" I asked.
Saint gave me a grumpy side glance. "What do you think?"
"I think you did," I said, messing with him. "I think you were on the
rugby team and in a frat. Bet you had a nickname like The Budmeister."
Grinning now, Saint nodded. "It's eerie how well you read me."
I shared his smile, feeling amazing to have teased Saint and survived.
Maybe he didn't seem so scary when he was tired or maybe I'd built him
up too much in my head. Either way, he felt warmer now, approachable
even. Okay, not approachable, but I could imagine patting him on the
back without him snapping me in half.
When we arrived at the coffee shop, Saint held the door open for me.
My father would definitely approve of his good manners.
"I need caffeine and sugar," Saint mumbled, ordering a giant coffee and
two enormous cinnamon buns.
Staring at the food, I said, "I think those are supposed to be shared."
"If you want something, I'll pay for it, but I'm not sharing my
food."
I laughed. "You growled like a bear when you said that." "I'm an only
child. I never share. If you accept this fact now, we'll avoid me stabbing
you in the hand with a fork in the future." "I don't think I should eat
junk before working out." "Carbs are good," he grunted, buying three.

We sat at a table away from the locals. No one gave Saint much
attention which surprised me. The guy was big, exotic, and sexy as hell,
yet people barely gave him a glance.
Saint held himself differently now. At Whiskey Kirk's, he stood taller
with his shoulders flexed out. He took up more space, demanding to be
noticed in a room full of large, intimidating men. In the coffee shop,
Saint was like any other guy. The change was unsettling.
When he yawned for the third time, I asked, "Late night?"
"Bad dreams. I'm sure you know about that."
Hating the haunted look in his dark eyes, I lowered my gaze. "Yeah,
everyone has bad dreams."
Saint sighed painfully. "The past refuses to be forgotten. The more you
try, the more it claws to the surface."
"I guess."
"You can only face the past and stare it in the eye. Take away its power
by refusing to blink."
"Does that really work?" I asked, hating to see him look so worn down.
Saint downed the giant sized coffee then gave me a wink. "Most
days."
"What do you do for the days it doesn't work?"
Finishing his second cinnamon roll, he wiped his mouth then stood up.
"Distract myself with training. When that doesn't work, I lie to myself.
Much like you probably do in your therapy sessions."
"What makes you think I go to therapy?" I asked, shoving my uneaten
roll in my bag for Jace to eat later.
Saint almost laughed at my question, yet controlled himself. "Sorry, but
you have therapy kid written all over you."
"I'm not a kid," I grumbled, following him out of the shop.
"True, but you're less tempting when I think of you as a child."
Pausing at the passenger door, I frowned as he climbed into the SUV.
Saint ignored my expression and started the car. Before he drove off
without me, I climbed into the SUV and dared to ask my question.
"Tempting how?"
Saint gave me a little grin. "Are you so vain that you need me to

spell it out?"
"Yes, please."
Shaking his head, he made a U-turn and passed Judd and Vaughn on
their Harleys. "I don't want you thinking about how pretty you are.
Better for you to focus on learning everything you can from me while I'
m in town."
"What will I learn? I mean, I'm not your size and I can't do what you
do."
"Typical thinking. There's more to being a badass than size. Most of it
is mental. You fight at the Thunderdome, right? You ever beat a
woman bigger than you?"
When I nodded, Saint continued, "Size is the one thing you can't fix.
You're a woman. Not a petite woman, but you won't intimidate anyone
unless you go buff like those girls in the muscle mags. Assuming you
don't want to go that route, your only real way to fight off a guy my size
is with a weapon. Knife, stun gun, pistol. Guns are the best gender
equalizers. My mom carries a .45 in her flowered purse, next to her
makeup and perfume."
Smiling slightly at the mention of his mother, I asked, "If your advice is
for me to get a gun, why do I need training?"
Saint parked the SUV on the side of the road where my Harley sat the
day before. He turned off the engine and climbed out, forcing me again
to keep up.
"Your weakness is mental," he said, opening the trunk and retrieving a
backpack he strapped on. "If you had a gun yesterday, would I be dead
now simply because you got spooked?"
I stopped in my tracks and stared at the back of Saint as he stretched.
He glanced at me over his shoulder then sighed.
"Give you a gun and someone will die. Who knows if that person will
even deserve to die?"
"You make me sound crazy."
"Trigger happy isn't the same as crazy," he explained while squatting
down then leaning on one leg. "You should stretch before we run."
Setting down my backpack, I followed his example. Saint looked

sexy flexing his muscles and I hated how I noticed this fact. My lust
wasn't really my fault. He was a gorgeous man. Other women noticed
too, making my lingering gaze on his hard ass okay. I was a woman
after
all.
Saint's tanned skin looked soft and I ached to touch it. Shoving my
hands into my pockets, I focused on how he thought I was unstable and
weak. No way was that sexy. My anger insisted Saint wasn't sexy. I
refused to admit anything was ever sexy, even if he was bent over with
his ass facing me. When did I start lusting over guys' asses?
Suddenly staring at me, Saint wore a dark gaze too intense for me not to
look away. I had no idea what caused his expression, yet sighed in
relief when it disappeared and he gestured for me to follow him.
Jogging steadily, we followed the paths into the woods. I kept up well,
but suspected Saint paced himself for my benefit. A little part of me
wanted him to let loose, so I could witness him in all of his glory. He
held back though and I was able to keep up all the way to the river
where he slowed down.
Saint walked along the riverbank, kicking over large rocks. Reminding
me of Jace, he was like a boy looking for frogs and worms. His
expression shifted when a branch snapped nearby. The look on his face
was fierce, terrifying really. I stared at him, struggling with my lust.
Alert killer was an amazing look on him.
Once Saint was certain the noise came from animals, rather than a
threat, he looked at me. "You have weaknesses most women don't," he
said casually.
"How do you figure?"
"You were raped."
I felt as if he'd slapped me. No, it was more like a gut punch, choking
off my breath instantly. No longer walking, I watched him keep going.
When Saint noticed I'd stopped, he found my gaze.
"Did someone tell you that?" I asked.
"I know the basics about how you ended up here. I don't need the
details. They're written all over your face. All of your weaknesses are
here," he said, gesturing to my face. "Anyone can see your secrets and
use them against you."

"Is that what you're doing?"
"Do I look like the enemy?" he asked in a dark voice.
Feeling exposed, I lowered my gaze. His words tore away my
confidence, leaving me with the urge to hide away from the world.
"There's no shame to being raped," Saint said softly. "Despite what
people believe it's like any other crime. The shame comes from
thinking it means more."
"How would you know?"
"I' m a wise man, Harlow. Seen the world. Seen enough people doing
stupid to know what not to do. Seen enough people being weak to know
how to be strong. I'm trying to help you be strong too."
"Talking about it won't make me strong."
"That's where you're wrong," he said, gesturing for me to follow
him.
Hiking through the woods, I waited for him to make his point.
"There are two kinds of fears. The rational and irrational. You can't do
a whole lot about the irrational ones. Mainly because logic doesn't tend
to fight irrational thoughts. I knew a guy who feared snakes. He tried
everything to get over it. Studied about snakes, spent a lot of time
looking at them at the zoo. I think he even watched Anaconda and
Snakes on a Plane. Really put himself through the ringer, but he never
got over the fear."
I followed him past a downed tree resting half in the river.
"This same guy had a fear of public speaking. As a kid, he'd
embarrassed himself in front of his class. This was a rational fear that
he overcame. After all, he had a real reason to fear it unlike with
snakes. The guy forced himself to talk in front of groups. Got a job
where he had to do it every week. He was psycho scared in the
beginning. However, the more he did it, the less it bothered him. When
he thought about speaking in front of crowds, he stopped remembering
his embarrassment as a kid. Instead, he remembered all the times he did
it successfully. With rational fears, you can train yourself to overcome
them."
"Are you the guy in your story?"
Saint glanced back at me and smirked. "You wish."
I couldn' t help sharing his grin. Every time he refused to tell me

something, I only wanted to know more about the guy behind the cool
exterior.
"You have a rational fear of talking about your past. Rational means
you can overcome it. If you ever plan on being a truly tough broad, you
need to face your fear of talking about rape. Otherwise, you'll leave
yourself open to someone hurting you with your past. Never give
people an opening. Trust me that they'll take it."
"How do I get over it when I haven't after years in therapy?" Saint
stopped at the bank of the river and inhaled deeply. "The world has a lot
of beauty in it, but people get immune to seeing it. The day I do, I' m a
dead man."
I studied at the water rushing by. Logically, I knew the river was
beautiful, yet I felt none of it. Since Saint said that ugly word, I was
mostly numb.
"You need to take the power away from your past," he said, glancing
down at me.
I watched him remove his water bottle and drink nearly half before
handing it to me. Taking the drink, I barely sipped it. "I don't have
germs," he said, nearly laughing. "You upset me. I don't want a drink."
Saint shook his head. "I didn't upset you. You upset yourself by letting
something bad from years ago still control you. The people who hurt
you are dead. You survived. Why let anyone hurt you with the
past?"
"It's not that easy."
"Sure it is," he said, tugging off his backpack and dropping it next to an
old tree. "Just say the words, 'I was raped.' Say it enough until the
words lose their power."
Digging out a bag of trail mix from his pack, Saint shoved a handful
into his mouth then offered it to me. I shook my head. "Just say them to
you?"
"Sure," he said, chewing. "I'll turn around, if that'll help." "I don't know
if I can."
"Tell you what," he said, shoving more food into his mouth. "If you can
say the words to my face, I'll tell you something about me. I

know you' re curious."
"Will you tell me your real name?"
Grinning, he shook his head. "I will tell you where I got the name Saint
though."
Saint turned his back to me, still eating his trail mix. I had a decision to
make. Each option scared me. Since showing weakness in front of
Saint terrified me more, I focused on the back of his faded blue shirt.
"I was raped," I whispered.
"Louder. I'm chewing peanuts over here."
Glaring at him, I inhaled deeply and forced out the words again. Saint
turned to me and nodded like I'd announced my favorite color or
something as trivial.
"Now say it with me looking at you."
"I can barely say anything while looking at you."
Saint lifted an eyebrow as if surprised by my confession. He was full of
crap. No doubt most people had trouble looking him in the eye. The
guy exuded arrogance and barely chained aggression.
"If you want to hear my story, you need to say it."
Pursing my lips, I asked, "How good is your story?"
"Epic. It' ll give you a deep insight into my amazing history of being
amazing."
Grinning, I rolled my eyes. "Fine."
Saint lost his smirk and stared softly into my eyes. He waited for me to
work up the nerve to own the ugly word I avoided for years. His
patience gave me strength and I held his gaze while saying them.
"I was raped."
Saint showed no reaction before reaching for his bottle of water.
"My parents are the religious sort. Growing up, I had a cushy life, but
we always helped those less fortunate. So after high school, when my
friends were partying in college, I decided to do missionary work with
our church."
Saint sat on an old branch and shoved the bottle into his bag. I didn' t
move, afraid he might stop talking.
"I was in Mexico for six months, digging irrigation, helping the

local doctors, and other odd jobs. Even with no specific skills, I kept
busy. The first week of the seventh month, I was arrested with a few
local guys and jailed on possession of cocaine. It was bullshit, of
course. Knowing I was an American, the cops figured my parents
might pay for my freedom. In jail, they started calling me Saint. It was
supposed to be an insult, as if I'd been dumb to travel to Mexico to help
people. Anyway, that' s how I got the name."
Frowning, I stepped closer. "How long were you in there before your
parents paid for your freedom?"
Saint grinned at me. "What do I get for telling you that?"
"What do you want?"
Standing up, Saint glanced around then back at me. "I'm only in town
for a week, maybe two. I can stay longer if I want, but small towns bug
me. So since I'm only around for a while and you need a lot of training,
I want you to move into my place."
"No way," I said, panicking and backing away from him.
Saint grinned. "You're really obsessed with getting me naked. It's not
healthy."
I opened my mouth to tell him to stick his comment up his ass.
Restraining myself, I studied him. "What would I do at your place?"
"You get up in the morning and train with me. In the evening, we train
again. Most of all, you face your biggest fear. A hot guy you want
inside you."
"You're a pig."
"No. I'm really not," he said casually. "You're simply scared, but you
need to face those fears. Soon, you'll see how past your walls is a world
of possibilities."
"No sex, right?"
Saint grinned then started walking up the embankment. "Sorry to
disappoint, but I only have sex on my birthday and I was born in
August."
"Why only on your birthday?" I asked, hurrying to catch up. "You keep
asking questions, but never give me anything in return. I' m starting to
feel used."
Rolling my eyes again, I still laughed at his expression. "Where

would I sleep at your place?" "In my bed." "Why not on the couch?"
"You won't be scared on the couch. In my bed, you'll realize you have
nothing to be afraid of. Of course, my birthday thing will help you keep
from freaking out."
My brain raced at the thought of sleeping next to this sexy bastard. "I
feel like this is a con."
Saint started walking faster and I really pushed myself to keep up.
"You live a very normal life here. It's why everything I say must be
shoved past your preconceptions of how the world works. I'm not like
the boys you know, Harlow."
Shivering at the sound of my name, I smiled. "You're special,
huh?"
"Why not?" he asked, breaking into a run. "Crap."
I struggled to keep pace with Saint. Just when I reached a few step
behind him, he swung at me with a branch he'd ripped from a tree as we
ran. Even ducking in time, I lost my balance and twisted my knee while
falling on my ass.
Saint was halfway up the incline before realizing I was on the ground.
He didn' t run back down though. More like a steady jog. I suspected he
thought I was faking.
"Are you faking it?" he asked, standing over me.
I couldn't believe how well I'd read him. "I twisted my bad knee."
"You're too young to have a bad knee."
I glared hard at him. "You don't know anything about me."
"Let me guess. You twisted your knee in a skiing accident."
"I've never gone skiing," I said as he helped me up. "Why skiing?"
"You look like the kind of woman who skis."
"You look like the kind of man who needs to shut up."
Saint smiled. "You get grumpy when you're in pain."
"Well it hurts," I whined. "I'm going home."
Still grinning, he effortlessly picked me up and started up the hill.
"I don't need to be carried."

"Probably, but you'd be really slow and life is short." "Oh, in that case,
go faster and don't bounce me so much." Saint's smile widened. "Do
you need me to take you to the hospital for your knee?" "No."
"Urgent care then."
"No."
Moving swiftly as if I weighed nothing, Saint gave me a dark look. "I
knew a guy who twisted his ankle and figured it was nothing. He didn' t
get it checked out and the damn thing rotted overnight. Woke up to find
his flesh decaying. He had to have the whole damn thing cut off to save
his life."
Studying Saint, I sighed. "That story isn't true."
"No, but imagine if it was. Would you want your leg to be cut off, just
because you don't want to visit the doctor?"
Grinning at his bullshit, I muttered, "I know what's wrong with my
knee. Every once and awhile, I twist it wrong and feel in a world of
pain."
Arriving at his SUV, he set me down and dug into his bag for the keys.
I leaned on my left foot and admired Saint's damp face. No sweaty man
should look so sexy.
Saint noticed my gaze on him and smirked. "Don't try distracting me
from taking you to the urgent care. I saw one by the apartment, so I'll
get you checked out then drop you off. You'll talk to mommy and
daddy about staying with me."
"They're not going to say yes."
"Then don't ask them. Instead, you might check your birth certificate
and see if you're older than eighteen."
"I live in their house and follow their rules."
Saint gave me a great smile then shut the door. Just before it closed, I
heard him call me a baby. Even if I was immature, the idea of sharing
the same bed with this man terrified me. Platonic or not from his
viewpoint, I couldn't look at him without thinking about sex. He
seemed to set off everything weak inside me. As much as I'd love to
resent him for making me a horny mess, Saint couldn't exactly control
how

gorgeous I found him.

Chapter Eight ~ Saint
The clinic wasn't busy and we didn't wait long. After an x-ray, Harlow
sat on a table, frowning at me. When I frowned back, she looked away.
Her intimidation lasted only as long as I was frowning. Once I looked
away, she was frowning at me again. I finally decided to play with her.
"Are you in terrible pain?" I asked, walking to her. "Leave me alone."
"You should elevate your leg," I said, ignoring her annoyed smile.
"Lean back and use me as your pillow."
Harlow didn't get my meaning until I lifted her bare leg and rested it
over my shoulder. For a moment, she was horrified to have me between
her legs. Her terror ended quickly then she laughed. "I' m not a baby,"
she grumbled despite her smile. "Oh, are you still nursing a grudge
about that? Womanly anger is your thing apparently," I said, massaging
her tender knee.
Harlow wanted to be pissed, but my fingers magically shut down her
anger. Leaning back on the table, she sighed.
"You don't like being tempted any more than I do," I said, holding her
gaze.
"I don't know why I'm tempted at all. You're awful." Her gaze was
relaxed and I knew she wanted to smile. Even if she refused to grin, I
smiled easily. Harlow's very existence made me happier than I'd felt in
years.
"I could flex my muscles, if you need a reminder of why you 're
tempted."
"I know lots of ripped guys. You're nothing." "Say it again without all
the lust in your eyes." "It's the massage. Nothing personal."
Behind her grumpy calm, I knew she truly feared the lust I stirred up
inside her. I didn't particularly enjoy my feelings for her either. Harlow
was too young and damaged for me to tempt. Yet instead of

avoiding her, I wanted her to stay with me at the apartment. I was firing
on all cylinders lately.
"You're not my type," I said, torn between wanting her close and
needing her to get the hell away from me. "I like high maintenance
women. You know the kind with perfect makeup and styled hair."
When Harlow looked unconvinced, I added, "The scent of hairspray
always makes me a little hard. I can't help it."
Now frowning, Harlow found herself torn. Should she feel relieved
knowing I wouldn't try to seduce her? Or maybe she was disappointed I
didn't want her? She was confused and I didn't blame her.
"Sorry to disappoint," Harlow said, settling finally on hurt feelings.
"You're not my type either."
"Really?" I asked, nearly laughing at her expression. "What's your
type?"
"Nice guys."
"I' m nice," I muttered, massaging her knee until she sighed. "You like
pasty white guys, don't you?"
Harlow grinned ever so slightly. "Yes. Short ones too. I don't like
having to look up so much. Hurts my neck."
"Makes sense. What else do you like?"
"Those big handlebar mustaches."
Laughing, I nodded. "Those are pretty sweet."
"Pasty, short, nice men with big mustaches are my thing."
"None of them around here?"
"Oh, they're around, but I have issues."
Holding her gaze, I said softly, "Everyone has issues. Even people
without real issues make up fake issues so they can fit in." "Mine are
real."
"Mine too. We're a walking talking ABC's Afterschool Special here."
Despite rolling her eyes, Harlow clearly felt confused. I suspected she
spent most of her life confused. This was just another reason why I
wanted her. She was perfect for me like no other woman could be.
Harlow was hard enough to endure the ugly man I became, yet soft
enough to embrace the good man I was years ago. Over the years, I met

plenty of women who fell for one side or the other. Yet, I'd never
known anyone as complicated as Harlow.
"I want you to stay with me while I'm in town," I said, no longer
teasing.
"I don't think I can."
"Can isn't the word you're looking for. What you mean is you won't
stay with me because you're scared." "Wouldn't you be?"
Nodding, I gently lowered her leg. "In prison, I was raped. I'm sure this
fact would be obvious, but men often lie about it. They lie for the same
reason women lie, thinking the truth makes them weak. Better to lie
than admit they were powerless at one point. I feel no shame about
what happened, but I have my demons that keep me awake a night. In
my line of work, I need to remain sharp. There's more going on in
Ellsberg than paintball games. If you stayed with me, I think I could
sleep. No sex. No romance. None of the crap you're worried about."
"Why would I help?" she asked and I knew she was warming up to the
idea of staying at my place. "I have nightmares too. I get stressed in the
dark. I feel things for you, but they scare me. I'd be pissy while staying
with you. How is any of that going to help you sleep and stay
sharp?"
Leaning forward with my hands on each side of her, I studied her
beautiful face. "You're my dreamcatcher. Don't tell me how I know, but
I do. I only slept last night when I thought about you. Nothing dirty.
Just imagined your house, what you liked to eat, where you went to
school. That stuff helped me relax."
"What if you're wrong and having me around doesn't help?"
"Then I'll kick you out on the street and you'll be homeless," I teased.
She rolled her eyes. "I like the idea of being your dreamcatcher, but my
parents won't agree."
"They will if you want them to," I said, stepping away and sitting in the
chair. "If you don't want them to, they'll say no and give you an out. It's
up to you. I'm not planning to lock you up in my apartment. Can' t have
Cooper taking his eye off the ball by playing hero and saving

you."
"Is Cooper in trouble? Should I warn him?" "Would you trust me if I
said no?"
Harlow studied me with her big almond-shaped eyes. I liked how she
didn't throw out a simple yes, but really considered whether she could
trust me.
"Yes," she finally said and I smiled.
"Cooper needs to focus on appearing strong and in charge. If he freaks
out about you and me, he looks like a punk. As long as he remains
focused on his club, the Memphis boys will focus on the other guys
they're testing."
"What others?"
Still smiling, I shook my head. "You keep asking for free info. I don' t
believe in sharing without something in return."
"What do you want?"
"How did you hurt your knee?"
Harlow's smile faded as she worked up the strength to say the words.
"The guy from the Devils, the one who started all the problems for me
and Vaughn, his name was Playboy. He was the first one who raped
me. I tried to run away once, so he started giving me drugs. I was out of
it one day and lost my balance. When I fell, I twisted my knee."
After years of hiding my true emotions, I knew how to conceal my rage
when she spoke about her past. Harlow didn't crave pity. She wanted
respect, so I only nodded. Since she shared something, I answered her
earlier question.
"Some of the guys in town for the paintball games are making moves in
the organization. They're being tested as much as Cooper. Some are
young, some aren't. They all have something to prove. If I had to guess,
they should be more concerned than Cooper. He's part of a solid club
and his father has handled this territory well for a long time. You
shouldn't worry about your buddy." "Thank you," Harlow said softly.
The tenderness in her voice sent a chill through me. For the next few
minutes, we fell into silence. Harlow was no doubt thinking about

what she shared and how saying the words hadn't killed her. Her gaze
was softer now and I enjoyed the feel of it on me.
By the time the doctor arrived and declared her free to go, Harlow was
plotting how to get her parents to agree with her decision to stay with
me. I considered helping her plot. After all, I was a manipulative guy.
Instead, I kept my mouth shut.
While Harlow was young, she was strong enough to stand on her own.
Despite her capabilities, I insisted on carrying her to the SUV as an
excuse to hold her close. I was exhausted after a long night and needed
my dreamcatcher to keep the demons at bay.

Chapter Nine ~ Harlow
Saint carried me from the SUV to the porch of my house. Saying
nothing, he set me down, handed my backpack to me, and left. The guy
wasn't about pointless chatter. I had a decision to make. He gave me my
choices. The next step was up to me.
Limping into the house, I heard my parents talking in the kitchen. They
only wanted the best for me. Tad and Toni Todds took me in when I
was a mess. My family was dead and I was addicted to heroine. My
body battered and my mind nearly destroyed, I wasn't sure I wanted to
live anymore. Thinking back, I only stayed alive to repay Vaughn for
what he gave up by saving me.
Stronger now, I wasn't that lost girl anymore. With Saint's help, I could
be even stronger, but I didn't know if my family could understand.
When I entered the kitchen, my parents looked up in unison and stared
at me. I saw the questions in their eyes, but they remained silent. Even
when they saw me limping, they said nothing.
"Twisted my knee running."
"Are you okay?" Mom asked, struggling not to panic. "Want me to get
an icepack?"
"I'm good. I need to talk to you. Is now a bad time?"
My parents looked at each other and shared a silent conversation. I
waited for them to finish while I limped to the fridge to get a glass of
sweet tea. When I returned, Dad and Mom had their game faces on.
"What's up?" Mom asked breezily.
"Saint wants me to stay with him while he's in town."
"No," Dad said immediately, game face replaced by fiercely protective
dad face.
"It's not a sexual thing."
"Sure."
"Let's hear her out," Mom said then added, "So when we say no, it'll
seem more reasonable."
My temper insisted I challenge my parents, yet my love for them

said to let the comment go. "Saint is like no one I've ever met and he
pushes me to face things like no one else does."
"He might be messing with you," Dad said quietly. "Men like him have
the power over life and death. It can get them twisted until they enjoy
playing mind games on people."
"Saint isn't playing with me. I don't know how I can explain it to you,
but he shared things with me that a man playing games wouldn't share."
My mom opened her mouth to ask what things, but likely realized I
wouldn't spill his secrets. "I was raped," I said.
They both tensed, thinking I meant by Saint. Logically they knew I
wouldn't protect a bastard who hurt me.
"Saint helped me say that without wanting to hide for the rest of the day
in my room. I don't know how, but he inspires me to face things. I even
told him how I hurt my knee and I never told any of my therapists that.
I know it doesn't make sense, but I want to stay with him. He gets me
and knows how to push me, but he doesn't push too hard. I wish I could
explain better. I just can't give up this chance. He's only in town for like
a week."
"Are you asking to stay with him or telling us you're doing it?" Dad
asked in his scary father voice. "Both."
Sighing, Dad leaned back. "You know how we feel. I guess I could
threaten Saint with what'll happen if he hurts you, but I doubt he'd be
impressed."
"Why does he want you to stay with him?" Mom asked. "What does he
get out of it, if it's not sexual?"
"Small towns make him restless. For whatever reason, he likes me and I
entertain him. I think it's the part where I tried to kick his ass."
"You know nothing about this guy," Dad pointed out, not giving into
the idea easily.
"I knew nothing about Vaughn either. He was a big scary stranger who
saved me and brought me to you. When he showed up in Ellsberg, did
you think he was a good man? Probably not. People think all kinds of

stuff about you, Dad. Either you're soft because you're a pastor or
you're a thug because you're in the club. Mom, you know people talked
crap about Dad when you first met."
"This isn't really the same thing."
"How do you figure? Saint could have hurt me in the woods when I
freaked out on him. He just blocked my crap moves and waited until I
was done being weird. Instead of thinking I was a loser, he offered to
train me. In a few hours with him, I already feel stronger than I have
after all those years in therapy. I'm doing this."
Saint was right. If I wanted to tell him yes, I would make my parents
understand. If I was looking for a way out, they would give it to me.
"Alright," Dad said, standing up. "If you get into trouble with him, you
call me and I will get you out. I don't care who he is. I'll make him
bleed."
"It'll be okay." I said, hugging him. "When I twisted my knee, Saint
took me to an urgent care clinic. He even paid the bill and stayed with
me. He isn't a bad guy even if he has a bad job."
"I'm going to trust you because you've earned that trust," Dad said,
pushing out each painful word rather than saying what he was really
thinking. "Just remember you can tell him no."
"I tell everyone no."
Dad grinned. "Yes, you do."
Mom and Dad still wanted to talk me out of staying with Saint. Since
they couldn't, they left me in the kitchen. They were no doubt hashing
things out in Dad's office. With them accepting how I was telling
someone yes and they couldn't change my mind, I joined Jace in the
living room and showed him the leftover cinnamon roll.
"You didn't die," he said, never taking his eyes off The Cleveland
Show.
"Nope. I'll be out of the house for a week or so. Don't touch my
stuff."
"Oh, I'll be in there constantly, rubbing boogers on your precious
girl stuff."
Smiling, I rested my feet next to his on the coffee table. "You're

going to be tall." "Whatever."
"You're not a teenager yet. Save the indifference for when you're
sporting pimples and BO."
Jace suddenly turned to me with a devious look in his dark eyes. "Oh,
I've got the BO already, sissy."
Tackling me, he shoved his armpit into my face while I struggled to
free myself without causing him serious injury. In the end, I accepted
the kid had BO, yet relieved he covered it with a decent deodorant. In
fact, I suspected he used Vaughn's body spray. No doubt the girls
would chase him hardcore when he got older.

Chapter Ten ~ Saint
Dropping off Harlow at her house proved to be harder than I imagined.
A gnawing need to return bothered me while I ate a dull lunch. Harlow
belonged with me, but neither of us was capable of doing anything
about this fact. She was more messed up than I suspected while I was
only pretending to be so well adjusted. Deep inside, I knew what I was
capable of and what I had no business attempting. A relationship was
on the top of my list of bad ideas.
Harlow felt fucking perfect in my arms. I hadn't felt anything soft in a
long time. Even when I saw Mom a year ago, she hugged me as if
hoping to break my ribs and slow me down. The woman needed me to
give up my ugly life and give beauty another shot. I wanted that too, but
it wasn't a choice.
Harlow was so damn young. If she was older, we might enjoy a fair
shot of making things work. I might wait except by the time she was
older, Harlow would likely be hollowed out by her anger. She'd never
be truly soft again.
I hated the thought of Harlow losing the tenderness I saw in her eyes
when I left her. She didn't want me to leave. I tempted her in a new and
wonderful way. The same temptation was eating at me all through
lunch.
Back at the apartment building, I headed to the gym to work out my
frustrations. What the hell was wrong with me? I'd been alone for years
and preferred it that way. On my own, I was real. With other people, I
put on masks. Pretended to be tough when I felt weak. Faked I was
happy when I wanted to set the world on fire. My life was a show and I
played all the roles. Alone, I could be the man I was before Saint.
After dropping off Harlow, I felt restless in a way only exhaustion
could alleviate. I pummeled the punching bag like a man bent on
revenge. So focused on punishing the inanimate object, I never noticed
the men enter the gym. Getting caught with my guard down wasn't like
me. I felt as if Harlow broke something fundamental inside of me and

only her presence might fix it.
One of the men joining me in the gym was Lenny who acted as Arlo's
main muscle. Most of the guys in town for the paintball games were
killers, but only a few of them would take the life of a kid. Lenny broke
that mold, setting fire to a church to kill a single guy. He eliminated his
target along with a dozen kids and a few nuns. I wasn't a fan of him
even before learning that story.
"You feeling frustrated," Lenny asked as if we were friends. "You
oughta hook up with a cutie from the college. I had a few of them last
night. Tasty and fresh."
Remaining silent, I had no interest in bullshitting with this fucker. He
should know better than to talk to me anyway. After all, Lenny was
replaceable while I wasn't. If I decided to kill Lenny, Arlo would shrug
it off. These things happened in the business. Finding a new Lenny was
as easy as picking a thug off the street.
When I said nothing, Lenny glanced at Shadow setting the speed on a
treadmill. "You get lucky last night, pal?"
Shadow didn't even look at Lenny. The kid was maybe twenty five and
had a boyish face. He should have been scared of a guy like Lenny
except Shadow was a frigging giant. Six five at the very least, he
hovered over everyone including me. I knew he wasn't cold like Lenny.
He wouldn't burn little kids or nuns. He was a puppy compared to most
guys, but Lenny didn't know this fact. When Shadow ignored him, he
decided to cut the chit chat.
Uninterested in talking to either of them, I left to take a shower and wait
to hear from Harlow. I knew she'd say yes. She needed something in
her life. Fighting at the Thunderdome and martial arts classes weren't
about being strong. They filled the emptiness she couldn't shake. I
knew all about suffering with a void nothing could satisfy.
After a shower, I craved a distraction while waiting for Harlow's
call.
Mom answered the phone immediately as if her entire day was about
the next call. The woman loved to socialize.
"My sweet boy," she said and I smiled despite my bad mood.
"Everything okay at home?"

"Since you called two days ago?" she teased. "Yes, we've managed not
to fall in a well, child."
Exhaling hard, I knew she knew I wanted to talk or I wouldn't call at
this time of day. I had a routine with my calls. I was a man of rules.
They kept me alive. I was breaking them and she was waiting for the
why.
"I don't want you getting all excited or making a fuss," I said. "Do you
promise to stay calm?"
"On my honor. Now spill."
Taking a deep breath, I said the words even if they made me feel small.
"I met someone."
The silence on the other end of the line surprised me. My mother likely
hurt herself from restraining her excitement.
"That's nice," Mom finally said.
I couldn't help laughing. "It's killing you to be so calm." "Oh, I'm fine.
Tell me about the girl." "There isn't much to tell." "You called, didn't
you?"
Hearing the smile in her voice, I smiled a bit too. "Her name is
Harlow," I said then added quickly, "She's young."
"Of course. No mature woman would fall for a man as strange as
you."
Despite my mood, I laughed. "Very true."
"She's falling for you, isn't she, Rafe?"
"Yes, but she has a past."
"We all do."
"A messed up past."
"She's perfect for you. When do I meet her?"
Balking, I immediately regretted calling. "I just met her yesterday."
"And you already know she's the one. My boy is falling in love."
"I just met her yesterday," I said again, emphasizing each word.
Mom laughed. "Oh, then I don't want to meet her. Best you two get
acquainted before I get involved."
After a moment of silence, I frowned. "You're already thinking
grandchildren."

"I hope for both a boy and a girl, but will take whatever God
offers."
"She's nineteen, messed up, and I just met her. Don't think about
grandchildren. It'll only set you up for disappointment." "Close your
eyes," Mom said softly. Like when I was a boy, I obeyed. "They're
closed." "Imagine Harlow's face."
Doing as I was told, I remembered the way her big eyes watched me
while I massaged her leg. A flush of need came over me instantly.
"She makes you feel different, yes?" Mom asked.
Exhaling softly, I opened my eyes. "Yes, but..."
"No, buts. No more being a boy. The time has come to remove your
head from your bum and make a real life."
"A boy," I said, rolling my eyes.
"As long as you play the monster when I know you 're anything but,
you will be a boy. A man faces his demons. Now make this girl see
what I know is inside you, so I can finally have my son back," Mom
said then added quietly, "And a few grandbabies wouldn't hurt either."
"I promise nothing. Harlow has enough problems without me
expecting anything from her."
Mom remained quiet for nearly a minute then sighed. "You should
smile a lot. You have a wonderful smile, baby. That'll charm her and
everything else is simply the little details."
Grinning, I thanked Mom for her advice. When she learned I was only
in town for a week, my sweet as sugar mother ordered me to get my
crap together and make that week count. After all, my parents weren't
planning to live forever.

Chapter Eleven ~ Harlow
Vaughn Majors saved me years ago and I'd never be able to repay him
for what he gave up to give me a chance to live. He left behind his
home, friends, and mother. For years, he avoided me because I
reminded him of what he lost. I didn't blame him. Sometimes, I wanted
to avoid him too. Forgetting seemed the easiest choice, but the past was
never truly gone.
These days, Vaughn and I didn't avoid each other. We were friends and
forgetting was an even bigger temptation. Especially now that Vaughn
was married and about to be a father.
My mind wasn't on the past when Vaughn and Raven arrived at our
house. Focused on pushing back the videogame zombie hordes, I didn'
t notice anyone at the door until Jace paused the game and glanced over
my shoulder. His expression was classic messed up kid. Always wary,
he lost the smile he'd had since we started playing the game.
"Hey," Raven said, plopping down next to Jace. "Can I play while
Vaughn plays big bro with your big sis?"
When Jace kept his gaze on the ground, Raven smiled at me. "He's
afraid to be beaten by a girl who's not you."
"She's never beaten me," Jace muttered.
"Winnie did once," I said, handing Raven the controller. "It was a
fluke. She sneezed and hit a button and somehow he died." Jace
grinned. "Killed by a sneeze."
Leaving Raven to fight zombies with Jace, I found Vaughn on the back
porch. He stared grumpy at the bright sun lingering on the horizon.
"Explain to me what this thing is between you and Saint."
"There is no thing. He offered to train me and I couldn't say no."
"I can train you," Vaughn said, glancing at me as I joined him on the
couch.
"Not like he can."
"Because he's a cold blooded killer?"
"Because he doesn't look at me like I'm a kid. You want to protect

me. He wants to see how far he can push me." "I don't think you're a
kid."
I frowned at him and he frowned back at me. We were at an impasse.
"He's only in town for a week. What's the big deal?" I asked when he
wouldn't stop frowning at me.
"I don't know anything about him besides he kills people. You have
enough fucking problems in life. Palling around with him is creating
another fucking problem."
"You should work on your cussing now that you're going to be a
dad."
Vaughn finally smiled. "Fuck you. Cooper cussed at a cat the other day
while he was holding Lily. She didn't seem to mind."
"She's a baby. I betcha Coop will edit himself once his princess gets
older and starts cussing at cats."
"Sawyer cusses like that."
"Sawyer is... special."
"True. Being a club princess will do that. Lily will be too, won't she,
cupcake?"
"Your kid won't."
Vaughn glared at me. "Stop distracting me from why I came here,
Twinkie."
"It's not my job to make your job easier, ding dong."
Smiling, Vaughn tugged gently at my hair. "I want you to be a happy
adult since you didn't get to be a happy kid."
"I know and I appreciate you watching out for me. Vaughn, the only
way I can really be happy is to be strong and Saint can help me to be
strong. You should support him training me."
"How is he training you by fucking you?"
"It's not like that. He won't be in town long."
"I still don't see how he's training you."
"Saint told me a few things after I freaked out on him. How to handle a
threat and what to do and not to do. I learned things I probably should
know, but I was letting my anger think for me. He made me see the
stuff I was ignoring. I don't listen to people, but I listened to him."

Vaughn grunted. "I need to ask him what trick he used. That way, I can
make you listen to me."
"I don't think it's transferable."
"Your parents are worried. Winnie is worried. We can't all be wrong to
worry."
"I know, but life is complicated and I'm complicated and I'm doing
this."
"That's not an answer."
"It's the only one you're getting."
"Fine," he said, throwing his hands up. "I'll allow you to do what you
want and act like an adult, but on one condition." "No dice. I do what I
want."
"Promise me that you'll ask for help if you get in over your head with
this guy." "Okay."
"I feel like you're humoring me, cupcake."
"You're very perceptive, ding dong."
Winking at me, he smiled. "I really like that nickname."
"Save the bad pickup lines for your wife."
"They can't be that bad," he said, throwing an arm around my shoulders
as we walked inside. "They nabbed me a sexy woman."
"Raven is a special lady. I hope I find a man to call me stupid
nicknames."
"Oh, you will one day. Trust me that your stupid nickname is just
around the corner."
We entered the living room where Jace and Raven struggled to beat
back the zombies. I swore she was taking the game more seriously than
my little brother. After Vaughn and Raven headed out, I packed up my
stuff to go to Saint's apartment.
My parents hugged me tightly. Jace hugged me too before disappearing
into his room. All the hugging made me feel too young to leave. I even
considered backing out, but pushed away the insecurity almost
immediately.
Driving away from the house, I saw my parents staring out the picture
window at me. Their panic made me want to panic too. Instead, I

focused on surviving the evening traffic as college students made the
roads unbearable. I arrived at the apartment complex, parking Dad's
Harley in the underground garage next to Saint's SUV. On my way
upstairs, the elevator doors opened and a blond guy entered. He was
tatted, tanned, and wearing only a towel around what I hoped was a pair
of swim trunks.
"Hey, doll," he said, giving me a wink. "Who you here to see?" "Saint."
The guy ran a hand through his wet hair and nodded. "Don't take this
personal, but I'm ignoring you now. I don't plan to piss off the big
guy."
"Probably your best move, stud."
The guy gave me another wink then ignored me while the elevator
headed up. We exited on the same floor, but he never looked in my
direction as I dragged my bags to apartment 404.
I knocked twice before Saint answered. Somehow, I expected him to
open immediately as if anxiously waiting for me. His expression left a
lot to be desired too.
"Move so I can come inside," I said when he blocked my entry.
Saint stared at me in a blank way, making me wonder if he forgot his
offer. Was he mentally ill? What had I signed onto with this guy? No, I
realized he was messing with me.
A smile slowly warmed his face. "How's your leg, Afterschool
Special?" he said, taking my bags and tossing them on the couch.
"I feel great. Thanks for asking, Saturday Night Live."
"Oh, I get it. I used to be funny, but now I'm not. Hmm..."
Smirking, I walked into the living room where my bags rested. Saint's
temporary apartment told me nothing about him. The place was sterile
and he added nothing to personalize it. I wondered if he had a home
somewhere with his personality written all over it.
"Bedroom has two dressers. Take the empty one," Saint said, setting his
keys and phone on the kitchen counter. "There is a shelf and drawer for
your stuff in the refrigerator. A cabinet for you in the bathroom."
"What if my stuff touches your stuff? Will you freak out?"

Glancing at me over his shoulder, Saint gave me a dark stare. "Don't
push me, girl."
It took all my courage, but I held his gaze. "I' m very sorry for upsetting
your precious feelings, boy."
Grinning again, he looked at the kitchen. "I like my privacy. So do my
belongings. Enough said."
"It wasn't like I was banging on your door to stay here. This was your
idea."
"True, but you came with two bags full of girl things. I'm rethinking
how much space you might take. Will I need a second apartment for
your bags?"
I craved to go Bailey on his ass. Was there a table I could stand on to
ensure my freak out was truly obnoxious? Saint was likely testing me
again. Or he was nervous about having me in his domain.
If he was giving me a test, I planned to nail it. If he was nervous, I pitied
his sensitive man feelings. Either way, I wasn't falling for his crap.
"Where will you be sleeping again?" I asked,
"In the bed."
"Where will I be sleeping?"
Saint smirked. "I told you in the woods how you'll be in my bed. You
can't be much of a dreamcatcher in the next room."
"You really think you can handle all of this in the same bed with you?"
I asked, doing a sort of jazz hands display of all my curves.
"I have amazing self-control. I'm not sure you can say the same
thing."
Sizing him up, I shrugged even though he made loose running shorts
incredibly sexy. "Have you ever lived with a woman before?" "Does
my mom count?"
"No, though it does explain your poor social skills."
Saint grinned big. "Maybe you can teach me to be more open like
you."
"I'll try, but you might be too set in your ways to learn new tricks."
Shaking his head, Saint left me to finish unpacking. I found him on the
balcony, staring up at the evening clouds. When I joined him, Saint
focused on me in the intense way he sometimes did.

"You have beautiful eyes," he said, looking away and sizing up the
traffic. "I have to go to the Johansson barbecue thing tonight. Will you
come with me?"
"As your trainee or date?"
"Neither. As my friend."
"Are we friends?"
"Sure." Dubious of this idea, I frowned. Saint grinned at my
expression. "I didn't say we were best friends."
"Okay.
"I might feel you up, but don't take it personally."
This time he was definitely messing with me, so I rolled my eyes and
looked at the traffic below. Saint studied me until I couldn't ignore him
any longer.
"What?"
"I knew you'd decide to stay with me. That was never in doubt, yet I' m
still a little startled to see you here. Makes no damn sense, but there
it is."
I smiled softly. "Being here makes no damn sense either. My family
thinks I'm nuts. Maybe I am, but I'm here anyway." "Yes, you are," he
nearly whispered.
We said nothing else for a long time and the silence felt good. I couldn't
explain why Saint made me stronger. He just did and I wanted more.

Chapter Twelve ~ Saint
Arriving in the parking garage, I saw Harlow's black Harley. Instead of
opening the door of my SUV, I ran my fingers over the back of the
bike. Standing next to me, Harlow said nothing. She was watching me
in an overly curious way, making me feel on the spot. Even so, I didn' t
want her to stop. Her focus belonged on me.
"Did you bring the keys?" I asked.
Harlow dug into her bag to retrieve them. She didn't hand them to me
though.
"It's a nice night out," I said, running my index finger along her jaw.
"Why don't we ride your Harley?"
"Unless you plan to sit on the bitch seat, I don't see that happening,
bub."
Grinning, I crossed my arms and devised a way to get her to change her
mind. "Are you sure you can handle that?"
"Handle you sitting behind me like my bitch? Yeah, I think I'd be fine,"
she said, nearly laughing.
"What about my arms wrapped around your waist, so I don't fall off?
Will you be cool with me leaning against you? My breath on your neck.
Oh, and what if my hands accidentally touch your thighs or breasts?
You won't freak out and crash, will you?"
Smile gone, Harlow narrowed her eyes. "Why would you accidentally
touch me like that?"
"I've never ridden on the back. I might get scared," I said, grinning at
her irritation. "Or you can let me drive."
"That way, I feel you up, right?"
"Yes, but I'm used to being felt up by hot ladies. I promise I won't
crash."
Harlow didn't answer right away. No doubt she wanted to take the
SUV, but was afraid to chicken out in front of me.
"Fine," she said, handing me the keys. "But only because you're in
town for only a week."

Gloating would piss her off and I might lose my win, so I climbed on
without giving her a smile. Harlow was slow to follow. When she did
climb on, I sensed she feared touching me. I didn't blame her. I was
nervous about her arms wrapped around me. If her touch felt half as
good as I imagined then I wouldn't ever want her to let go.
Harlow refused to hold on until I started the engine. When her arms
wrapped around me, they were tight. Her hands also gripped my tee
like she feared falling from the bike. Harlow suffered from plenty of
fears, but my driving skills weren't one of them.
I pulled out of the garage and drove to Tequila Jodi's where the
Johanssons were having a barbecue bash in a plot behind the bar.
Harlow never rested her face against my back and I found myself
praying she would. I wanted her closer. I craved Harlow like I hadn't
craved anything since I was locked up in the dirty prison.
Harlow climbed off the Harley as soon as I came to a stop. I was
surprised she didn't fall down from moving so fast. She struggled to act
casual and I let her think she was successful.
Gesturing for her to follow me, I walked around the side of the building
to where dozens of people stood drinking and talking. I spotted Cooper
and his wife walking around, chatting up everyone. I hoped they didn' t
feel the need to greet us. The wife was clearly friends with Harlow
because she hurried in our direction.
"You came," Farah said to Harlow then nudged her away from me,
likely hoping to get gossip.
Left alone with me, Cooper revealed his "Don't mess with my woman's
friend" look. I returned it with my expression asking, "What kind of
potato salad are you serving? Please don't say the German variety."
Cooper walked off without answering my potato salad question. Yet I
didn't remain alone long.
Cowboy joined me and asked, "Is the cutie with the big eyes with
you?"
Along with Dutch and Shadow, he was one of the broken patches
Memphis planned to wield like weapons against the failures in
Mississippi. I doubted the pretty boy at my side even knew what Arlo

and Mikey had planned for him. I might have thrown Cowboy a hint
except he was giving Harlow the once over.
"Big eyes is shacked up with me, so if you touch her then I'll touch
you."
Cowboy looked at me then back at Harlow. Flicking his hat, he sighed.
"What if I just stare at her longingly? You gonna stare at me with your
pretty eyes?"
I forced a smile. "You're a funny guy, but I'll still bury you if you don' t
keep your distance."
"You're a scary guy and I got the message. You might want to send out
that signal to the twins. One of them is really horny. He's even wearing
a fucking shirt that says how horny he is."
"Nice," I said, giving him a grin. "Distract the predator by focusing him
on another threat. I like that move."
"I didn't stay this handsome by taking on people with frontal attacks,"
he said. "Oh, and to answer your earlier question, they're serving
German potato salad."
The potato salad thing should have disappointed me, but I was too busy
looking for anyone focusing on Harlow. The horny twin was Dayton
and he was acting as if Harlow and Farah were invisible. I assumed he
already got the memo, yet I remained on alert.
"Baby pictures," Harlow said when I joined her.
Farah smiled awkwardly while sliding her phone into her pocket.
Harlow removed the phone and showed me the picture.
"This is Lily Johansson. One day, she'll rule the world."
Something about her tone felt challenging and I was already on edge.
The possessive need in my gut pissed me off, so I challenged Harlow.
I looked at the picture of the baby then focused on Harlow. "I wonder
what our kid would look like."
The women stared at me as if I was nuts, but I only smiled. Harlow
narrowed her eyes and handed Farah the phone.
"He's messing with me," she muttered to her friend.
Grinning, I reached out and caressed Harlow's cheek. The feisty
arrogance in her eyes disappeared, leaving her looking scared. I leaned

forward until my lips were next to her ear.
"I' m trying to mark my claim to ensure these other chumps will stop
eyeballing your ass. You're welcome, trainee."
Harlow's gaze found mine. She seemed to understand, but I saw more
in her expression than simply acknowledgment. My touch affected her
in a way she didn't like. I knew how she felt since I was feeling things I
didn't appreciate either. Need, possessiveness, blinding rage at anyone
even glancing in her direction, these were not normal for me. I wasn't a
clingy sort of person. Sure, I didn't like sharing as a kid, but never like
this. Never like I felt with Harlow.
Harlow's hand caressed my bare forearm, setting off every nerve in my
body. I nearly jumped at her touch then glared at her. A smile curved
her pouty lips before she turned away and walked with Farah to the
buffet. I stared at her in shock that she would mess with me. Cocky
little brat was teasing a man not fully in control. Hell, a part of me
thought to sweep her up in my arms and plant a kiss on her. See how
she'd handle an escalation of a relationship that made no sense.
I didn' t kiss Harlow though. I refused to even talk to her for nearly a
half hour. She was playing with me and I really wanted to play with
her. In my heart, I knew she wasn't ready to do more than play and I
wasn't capable of the kind of control necessary.
I wasn't sure how I would get through the night sharing a bed with a
woman I was having trouble keeping my hands off.

Chapter Thirteen ~ Harlow
Saint was back on the balcony when I finished getting dressed for bed.
He likely heard me emerge because he appeared at the door. His dark
gaze looked me up and down then he smiled. I didn't blame him for
finding my getup humorous. I needed to make clear to Saint that I
wasn't a sexy person.
"Cold?" he asked, walking to the bed and taking the remote.
I wrapped my plush robe around my flannel pajamas. "No."
Saint turned on the TV and found a rerun of Psych. "I'm not going to
hurt you, if that's why you're afraid."
Shaking my head, I backed away from the bed where his powerful body
was spread out. He wore only a gray tank and loose shorts. I could
barely deal with so much flesh. My body felt both too hot and too cold.
Unable to catch my breath, I hid in the bathroom.
Winnie picked up on the first ring. "What's wrong?"
"I'm freaking out."
"Did he do something?" Winnie asked and I heard Dylan sounding
concerned in the background.
"No," I whispered. "He's being normal. I'm the one freaking out."
Winnie's tone changed. "He's handsome, right?"
"Yes."
"You like him." "Duh."
"You want to jump his bones."
I frowned. "You're spending way too much time with Bailey and
Raven."
"Oh, stop. I was always a closeted perv. Besides, you really shouldn't
be judgmental when I'm trying to help."
Dylan was now laughing in the background, likely enjoying the perv
comment.
"You know I never ever want to have sex," I whispered. "Even years
ago when I was nursing a crush on Vaughn, I never thought of him

in a sexual way. It was like, 'He's so strong and brave.' I never thought,
'I want to see him with his shirt off and I hope he bends over and shows
off his butt.' These feelings for Saint are grossing me out."
"He has a nice butt, huh?" Winnie said, giggling to Dylan. "Good to
know."
"Will you be serious? How did you deal with spending the night
with Dylan?"
"Well our first time was magical. I took a sedative and he did all the
work."
Dylan laughed in the background while I rolled my eyes. "Your cutesy
shit isn't working for me." "What are you afraid of?" "Feeling like I did
in Phoenix."
Winnie sighed quietly. "You're not in Phoenix. Saint isn't Playboy. He
killed the Devils back there. I want to say Saint is a good man, but I
don't know him. I just know if he wanted to hurt you, I don't think he'd
do it this way."
"It's not him. He's very patient. Well he teases me, but not in a mean
way."
"Just be honest. You said you could be honest with him, so just tell him
you're feeling weird and might not be able to sleep in the bed tonight."
"Why is she sleeping in the same bed?" Dylan asked. "Tell your
husband to shut up."
"Yeah, I'm not doing that," Winnie said. "Go deal with your fears. You
need rest and I need you to go to sleep, so you can wake up and call me
to say what happened."
"Love you." I whispered.
"Love you too. You're so strong, Harlow. You can do this."
Hanging up, I checked my appearance and found a freaked out little girl
looking back at me. Unimpressed, I left the bathroom and found the
bed empty, yet the TV still on.
The TV was also playing in the living room where I found Saint sitting.
He glanced back at me.
"I don't believe in following flawed plans," he said, stretching his

arms out along the back of the couch. "Do you want me to leave?"
Saint's hypnotic expression answered my question. "Go get
comfortable in bed first. Watch TV. Chill out. Maybe lose ten layers of
clothes so you don't die of heat exhaustion overnight. Once you're
solid, I' ll join you."
I just stared at him, feeling like the kid I saw in the mirror.
"I won't enter a packed elevator," Saint said, watching TV. "Can't stand
that feeling of so many people stuck in a small place. Bugs me. I could
overcome that fear, but never saw the point. I'd rather wait for the next
elevator or take the stairs. Life is too short to obsess over the little
things."
Understanding his meaning, I returned to the bedroom. I also removed
the robe since I was sweating like crazy. The bed didn't look so
intimidating without Saint in it. I crawled under the covers and adjusted
to the feel of a different mattress.
I smelled a hint of Saint's soap on the sheets and the urge to run
returned. Both craving and hating the way Saint made my body feel, I
rested in bed and waited for him to return. One episode of Psych ended
and another started, but I remained alone in bed.
Despite my frayed nerves, I began to doze. My eyes were half closed
when the TV and light went off in the living room. Too tired to focus, I
barely caught sight of Saint as he joined me in bed.
Saying nothing, he rested on the blankets and stared at the TV. When
he glanced at me, I smiled proudly. Never thought I would share a bed
with a man after knowing him only twenty four hours. Hell, I didn't
want to share a bed with a man I knew for a lifetime.
Saint was different and he made me crave new things. Somehow, he
knew how to push me hard enough to make me stronger without
knocking me down.

Chapter Fourteen ~ Saint
Surviving Mexico came down to never giving up. Sounded easy
enough, but giving up was the natural choice when the future felt
hopeless. In prison, I evolved rather than break down. My first lesson
was retaining my control even when wanting to destroy the world.
Watching Harlow sleep, I lacked control. My fingers grazed her hair
then hand before nearly reaching for her lips. I pulled away before
waking Harlow from a soft sleep.
Even knowing I should create a little distance, I remained where I was
and watched her. Harlow looked so beautiful as the TV's light flickered
against her young face. She was flawless even with the walls hiding her
heart. I had the urge to take a sledgehammer to her barriers until I knew
every part of her. The only problem was Harlow wanted to do the same
with me.
After the ride home from the barbecue, she asked me my mother's name
and where I ' d grown up. I claimed the answers put us both at risk
because I was a man with enemies. Harlow nodded

t

pretending to

understand, but she still wanted to know.
Wanting to tell her too, I imagined us talking like real people. Hours
after she slept, I dozed off with my hand placed gently over hers. My
waking thought was to take Harlow to the tree behind my family's
home in Birmingham. I ' d tell her about how I 'd spent my summers
climbing it. When imagining a future with Harlow, I slept without
suffering memories of Mexico for the first time in months.
I slept quietly for two hours before waking to a woman's scream.
Startled, I found Harlow staring wide-eyed. While she hadn't screamed,
the cry felt nearby.
"I'll handle it," I told her.
Harlow remained frozen, sitting up in bed while I grabbed one of my
guns and walked to the living room. No doubt she was terrified
sleeping in a building filled with killers.
On the balcony, I heard the female's voice again. This time, she

was laughing. Across from my balcony stood a half dressed and very
drunk blonde waving at me. Dayton Rutgers joined her, looking
nervous I might jump over there and kick his ass.
"Sorry. We were just messing around."
"You woke me up, so tell your friend to put a cork in it."
Dayton gave me a nod before corralling the girl into his apartment.
Other men spoke from the balconies around me, but I ignored them. I
needed to get back inside to reassure Harlow.
She hadn't moved since I left. Her big eyes flashed from the gun in my
hand to my face.
"Just some girl who can't handle her booze."
Harlow showed no reaction as I set the gun on the bedside table. Seeing
her so terrified, I ran a hand through my hair.
"Want me to sit in the living room for a while?" I asked.
Harlow finally blinked and her fear eased. Shaking her head, she rested
back on the bed and sighed.
"I like how fast on your feet you were," she mumbled. "I'm too out of it
when I wake up."
I gave her a grin. "I hadn't been asleep long. You should see me in the
morning."
"Are you crabby?" she asked, smiling.
"No, not really. I ' m actually a morning person if I enjoy more than a
few hours of decent sleep. Consider yourself warned."
"Well you ought to prepare yourself for an amazing level of morning
grumpiness. Jace once told me I wake up smelling of angry old man."
Smiling still, I couldn't keep my hand from grazing her cheek. Harlow
didn't give me the freaked look from the barbecue. Relaxed, she
watched me as I touched her again. I knew a third touch might push her
too far, so I forced my hand on the bed.
"I'm glad we're friends," Harlow whispered, her eyelids barely
open.
Resting my head on the pillow, I studied her. "Good thing your
womanly rage caused you to attack me yesterday."
Eyed closed, Harlow smiled. "I'll show you womanly rage."

Watching her sleep, I relaxed in a way I hadn't in years. Her presence
lifted something dark off of me and I didn't want the oppressive weight
to return. My mother once asked me why I couldn't throw off what kept
me chained. The words felt easy coming from her, but I couldn't escape
my past. All these years, I never found a way to combine the man I was
before Mexico and the man I became. Instead, I hid behind my masks
like the good killer.
Harlow was only a girl and still trapped in her own chains. We were
both lost in the past. I wasn't sure she could help me break free or how I
might heal her scars.
Dozing off, I accepted that we'll never find our magical fix. This reality
didn't mean we couldn't enjoy being friends while I was in Ellsberg.
Not everything in life had to be so damn momentous. Sometimes, our
only choice was to embrace the little wins.

Chapter Fifteen ~ Harlow
For whatever reason, I woke up in the morning with a Reba McEntire
song stuck in my head. Considering I dreamed of the monster worms
from Tremors, the song probably made a little sense. I opened my eyes
to find Saint missing from bed and the sun bright in the room even
barely past dawn.
Seeing movement in the living room, I found Saint on the couch,
drinking coffee. He saw me and smiled brightly. Yeah, he was
definitely a morning person.
"You were crankier yesterday," I said, fixing my bed head.
"My dreamcatcher did the trick. Slept like a rock all night."
Walking away from him and his happy smile, I muttered, "Good to
hear."
I took a shower and forced myself to wake up. Saint was full of energy,
so I needed to at least try to keep up. Wearing sweat shorts and a white
tee, I ended up nearly matching Saint. Of course, my bare skin didn' t
look anything like his. Forget how pale I was next to him, I looked like
a beanstalk compared to his perfectly muscled body. Perfect was the
right word too. No muscle was too thick. Not an inch was scrawny. He
was sleek and powerful like a panther. His muscles flexed in the sexiest
way whenever he moved.
"Feeling perky now?" he said, giving me a sly grin.
Taking the cup of coffee he held out for me, I smiled big and fake. "Oh,
yeah, so much. Thanks."
"I' m a good influence on people. Everyone says so," he said, walking
to the couch. "And not just because I can kill them. They want to say
it."
Sitting in a chair across from him, I mumbled, "No doubt. Have you
ever killed anyone for saying the wrong thing?"
Saint gave me a half smile. "Depends on what the wrong thing
was."
He held my gaze while I considered pushing the subject.

Considering I wasn't fully awake, yet fully cranky, I decided to let the
topic die.
"What's the plan for the day?"
"A local guy suggested a little breakfast place a few blocks over. We
can walk there and back. If you aren't limping by the time we get back,
we'll hit the building's gym. With your funky knee, I figure taking you
for a long walk or run might mean I'll end up carrying you back here.
Not that I mind doing a little weight training during my runs."
"Funny guy," I muttered, giving him a grin. "My knee is fine."
"Don't push yourself to impress me. There's more than one treadmill in
the gym, so we can go our own speeds. That way, you won't get hurt
and I' ll still have something pretty to look at."
A death wish level of confidence came over me, making the words to
tempting to say. "You were possessive at the barbecue. Was it really all
for show?"
Saint's expression never changed, though I felt a shift in his demeanor.
"No," he said in a low voice that should have scared the crap out of me.
"Do you have a woman somewhere? Or women?" "I told you about my
birthday thing." "I don't believe you."
Saint gave me a big grin. "Ah, to be young and stupid. I miss those
days."
"Did you just call me stupid?" I balked. "You know I did."
Even wanting to be pissed, I laughed. "I never know what the hell
you're going to say."
"Welcome to the club," he said, sitting forward. "I'm about to say
something that you need to be cool about. Grown up time, okay?"
My smile gone, I nodded.
"I don't date. I don't have friends. I don't get lonely. Maybe it's an only
child thing, but I could live a long happy live by myself," he said,
setting down his coffee on the table. "You do something to me though.
So when I got possessive, it's because I'll rip off the limbs of anyone
who makes a move on you. In this place at this time, you belong to me

and no one else is allowed to touch my things. Blame that on me being
an only child, if you want. It is what it is."
Saint stood up and carried his cup to the sink where he washed it. I
finished mine and joined him.
"I feel really special knowing I'm one of your things, but was there a
point to your speech?" I asked dismissively, even as my stomach
twisted at the idea him thinking I was special.
"No, not really. Just felt like sharing my feelings," he said, caressing
my cheek. "You ready for breakfast?"
"No," I mumbled, my skin flushing under his touch. "Or yes.
Whatever."
Saint smiled in a way that pissed me off. I hated that cocky male grin
even when I saw it on a man as sexy as him.
"Eat shit," I growled, storming to the living room where my tennis
shoes sat under a table. "You're not special."
"Never said I was."
"You're not my type either," I said, turning to find him right behind me.
"What's your type again? Still aroused by pasty white guys with big
mustaches?"
His expression was obnoxious like he could barely keep from laughing
in my face. I wanted to hate him, but the bastard was making me want
to laugh too.
"We're not so different. I mean I like high maintenance men," I said,
heading for the door. "Guys who wear lots of crap in their hair and like
to dress up."
Shutting the door behind us as we walked into the hall, Saint said, "I
wore a bowtie once."
"How old were you?"
"Twenty five or six. Can't remember."
Laughing, I rolled my eyes. "You're lying."
"No, I' m not," he said, following me into the elevator. "I was playing
the roll of an intellectual."
"Really?"
"Yeah, and the bowtie made me look like a schmuck, so I was able

to walk right past the guards. It was one of my better days."
Thinking of him decked out like a nerd, I laughed behind my hand. "Do
you think I could go into that work?"
His smile fading immediately, Saint cupped my cheek with his wide
hand. "I could train you to do it, but I refuse to help you destroy your
soul."
My hand instinctively rested over his. A moment passed while I was
sure Saint would kiss me. His dark eyes studied my face. Would he lean
down and press his lips against mine? My body ached to know what he
felt like. What he tasted like too. I wanted to know so badly that I didn'
t think to panic.
Saint didn't kiss me though. Once the doors to the elevator opened on
the main floor, he removed his hand and pulled away his hungry gaze.
We walked together to the restaurant without saying another word.

Chapter Sixteen ~ Saint
Harlow sulked as we waited for our breakfast. She likely didn't realize
she was sulking, but her face was a mask of unhappiness. Leaning
back, I studied her while she sipped her milk. Her attraction to me was
pissing her off. Arousal wasn't something a broken girl like her would
appreciate.
I reached across the table and wiped away the milk mustache she was
sporting. Harlow's gaze locked onto my face and she clearly wanted to
say something. Her mouth opened, but she didn't speak.
"You have great lips," I said softly, daring her to share what she was
thinking.
"I know. I'm amazing." Harlow didn't smile at her words, instead
staring at me until our food arrived. "Have you ever had a real
relationship?" she asked, poking at her eggs.
"Yes. You?"
"I went on a few dates last year." "What's the guy like?"
"He got on my nerves at first. He also had a stupid mohawk before his
sisters shaved it off. Anyway, I learned he was a good guy and I even
love him now."
If her words were meant to stir up my possessive nature, they worked. I
was a pro at hiding my feelings though.
"Why aren't you dating him now if he's so special?" I asked calmly.
Harlow stared hard at me, frustrated by the temptation she felt. I held
her gaze, yet showed none of my irritation at hearing about her old
flame. Suddenly, she smiled and I sensed I'd given away my anger. Her
laughter startled me, leaving me grumpy.
"This guy," she said, covering her mouth, "might have actually been on
a date with Winnie and I might have just been the chaperone, but that
counts, right?"
"Most definitely," I said, hiding my relief.

"I was trying to make you jealous." "Didn't work."
"No, I guess it didn't, but I know how you're more into chicks with big
hair and lots of makeup. Maybe I should get a makeover." "You'd look
good with a beehive."
Harlow laughed again. "Maybe I'll give it a try for Halloween." "I'd like
to see that," I said, tearing apart my bacon. "But you won't since you'll
be gone."
Our gazes meeting, I nodded. "You'll need to send me a picture
then."
"Like you'll really care months from now."
Ignoring the return of her grumpiness, I popped a sausage link into my
mouth. "I'll probably dress up as an angel with a halo and wings."
Harlow gave me a little smile. "You'd make a very appealing angel, but
I think you'd be a better demon."
"How do you figure?" I asked, frowning.
"Don't be offended. You'd make a very tempting incubus."
"A sex demon?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.
Harlow shrugged. "You know you're hot."
I grinned and wiped an imaginary milk mustache as an excuse to caress
her lips. "Thank my hot heritage."
Harlow ran her fingers over where mine had been. "Can you tell me
about your heritage or is that top secret too?"
"Grandma was Puerto Rican. She married a man with Samoan and
Anglo French running through his veins. Other grandma was Creole
and she married a Norwegian giant."
"Exotic," she said in a way that warmed my skin.
Damn her mood swings were making me crazy. "How about you?"
"Mom was an Oklahoma redneck. Dad was an Arizona redneck.
Jealous now?"
Her smile made me laugh. "Somewhere in the world, no doubt
rednecks are considered exotic. So yeah, I'm jealous."
Harlow's smile widened and I had the urge to kiss her. Hating the need
eating at my control, I knew I should walk away from this woman and
never look back. No, instead I planned to open doors needing to

remain shut and ask questions with answers that might destroy us.
"What are your siblings' names?" I said, pushing her buttons like she
pushed mine. "Your biological ones."
Harlow's smile faded. "Why?"
"I want to share things with you. Private things, so you need to share
first."
"Why first?" she said then rolled her eyes. "Oh, because you're an only
child and never learned manners." "Oh, I learned them."
Harlow glanced around before focusing on her food. "My sister was
Eden and my brother was Dex."
"Did they look like you?"
I watched Harlow struggle to remember without breaking down. "Dex
looked like our mom. Me and Eden look like our dad." "Do you have
any pictures?"
Harlow shook her head. "Vaughn took me out of Phoenix the same
night they died and there was no way to get pictures. They're all at my
aunt's house and she wouldn't give them to me."
"Why not?"
Harlow focused on my face. "Her husband was Playboy who raped me
and pimped me out to his club buddies. Do you really think she'd want
a reunion when she thinks I got him killed?"
"No, probably not. Two kind of women end up with a guy like Playboy.
Victims or bitches. Sounds like your auntie is number two."
"I doubt she'd even have any pictures. Probably burned them after
Playboy killed mom."
Reaching across the table, I took her hand in mine. "Let me tell you
what I think. I bet she does have them. She keeps them because she tells
people something else happened. Says Vaughn killed your mom,
brother, and sister along with Playboy. I'd bet you money that Auntie
plays the victim and whips out the pictures for pity."
"I know you're trying to make me feel better. Even if she kept them, I
can't get to them. She won't welcome me and I can't trust her. Even with
the Devils dead, she's a threat. All the people left behind are threats."

Nodding, I didn't let go of her hand. "True, but having them exist in the
world should give you hope. Maybe one day you'll be tough enough to
roll into town and get what's yours."
Harlow gave me a small smile. "Maybe I will."
A moment passed where we both wondered about my hand on hers.
What the hell did any of it mean?
"You like me," Harlow said, grinning.
Pulling my hand away, I leaned back. "That was a sympathy hand
touch. Out of pity for your loss."
"Even though I have flat hair and don't know how to work eyeliner, you
like touching me."
Grinning slowly, I rested my arms over the back of the booth. Harlow's
smug grin faded as she took in the hint of chest hair peeking at her from
my shirt.
"Vanity will be the end of you," she grumbled, returning to her
food.
"And lust will be the end of you. Who'd have thought you'd be turned
on so easily?"
Harlow opened her mouth to complain or defend herself. Whatever she
wanted to say, she kept it to herself.
"Yes, you're attractive," she said then gave me a devious look. "I've
always had a problem around attractive men. I usually hide it better, but
the other day Vaughn was shirtless while working in the yard and I got
a little turned on. Of course, I felt bad because he's married and his wife
is my friend. Still, it happens. Hey, I guess I'm growing up."
"Vaughn, huh?" I said, scratching the stubble at my jaw. "Your big
savior."
"My big sexy savior."
I grinned. "His wife is hot too."
Harlow's grin disappeared. "I don't want to play anymore." Laughing, I
nudged her foot under the table. "Your mistake was using Vaughn. I'd
have bought it if you were hot for Judd."
"Why?"
"I don't know. I just see you going dumb over him."
"Judd is scary. He also threw a biscuit at Vaughn once and hit me

in the face. I could never lust over a guy with such bad aim."
Laughing again, I finished up my breakfast then waited for Harlow
who took her time. She knew I was waiting and I swore she chewed
especially slowly to mess with me. After taking an obnoxious amount
of time wiping her mouth, Harlow finally looked at me.
"You're pretty sexy when you get impatient," she said, standing up.
"Leave a nice tip for our waitress, will ya?"
I stood up and grabbed the bill. By the time I paid and left the tip,
Harlow stood outside. Her hair remained a bit damp from the earlier
shower, but a few dry blonde strands shined in the summer sun.
Feeling me behind her, Harlow turned and smiled. The look on her face
stopped me for a moment. When I was a young man, I saw beauty all
around me. Mexico ended much of my appreciation for such things.
After prison, I saw the ugliness in people. The way they plotted and
lied. The world was dangerous and I became a predator to survive.
Harlow reminded of the simple beauty I loved from my childhood like
a bird hovering in the sky or the sun rising on a new day. When she
smiled at me, I remembered what it felt like to be a good man capable
of hope. My need for her rushed over me, addictive and demanding.
Hell, if I' d ever be able to let it go.

Chapter Seventeen ~ Harlow
Saint was different after breakfast. Relaxed and tense at the same time.
His dark eyes were soft, yet his jaw tight. By the time we arrived at the
empty gym after a quick stop upstairs to brush our teeth and fill up
water bottles, Saint was making me nervous.
"I know how to set the treadmill speed," I said when he leaned over to
push the buttons for me.
"I want you to take it easy," he muttered, tense again. "Gotta keep you
healthy for the paintball matches."
Saint set the speed to the lowest option. Even wanting to complain, I
kept my mouth shut. The anger rushing off Saint scared the shit out of
me.
"Did I do something?" I whispered.
His gaze met mine. His expression unreadable, Saint finally sighed and
all the tension disappeared. "You're so damn tempting."
I gave him a little smile. "I did get highlights recently." "Yeah, that'll do
it."
Saint left me to walk while he stretched before his run on the treadmill.
"I should warn you that I get pretty sweaty when I work out," he said,
glancing at me and smiling. "Better keep your eyes on the TV since I
don't want you falling under my spell."
"Vanity is very attractive."
"Not as sexy as those highlights."
I planned to say something smartass until he yanked off his shirt.
Watching Saint stepping onto the treadmill, I hated the bastard for
being so unbelievably perfect. Had he gotten work done to make his
body look so good?
Increasing the speed on my treadmill, I focused my mind on the
upcoming paintball games rather than the sweaty body a few feet away.
The other teams were filled with killers and not the cuddly sort like
from the crew. Enforcers and the Rutgers twins and that guy Lenny
who

licked his teeth when he saw Raven for the first time. I needed to be on
the top of my game if I wanted to avoid embarrassing myself. Damp
panties and dirty thoughts weren't helpful.
Except Saint looked like a warrior god next to me. Running at a steady
pace, he watched the overhead TV. I wanted to watch it, but Saint
proved a better view.
We worked through the final half of a Frasier episode before someone
entered the gym. I looked back to see the freaky tall enforcer whose
name I didn't remember. Saint never turned around or slowed his pace.
"Go away," he said in a hard voice. "Ocupado." The guy left without
saying a word. "You really don't like sharing," I laughed.
Saint glanced at me and grinned. "No, I really don't. I did that for you
though. Figured you didn't want a guy checking you out." "I am very
vulnerable." Saint's grin widened. "So very vulnerable." "Thanks for
protecting me then."
Giving me a nod, Saint returned to watching TV and kept running for
another twenty minutes. I increased my speed twice until I was at a
light jog. My knee was just starting to act up when Saint began his cool
down.
Stepping off the treadmills, we stared at each other. I hated how my
body reacted to the sight of his sweaty body. I also loved how my body
reacted. Arousal both made me feel dirty and happy.
"I know we were goofing off earlier, but I really am attracted to you," I
said, forcing out the words.
"I know," Saint said, grabbing a towel and wiping the sweat from his
neck. "If I was into guys, I'd be attracted to me too."
Rolling my eyes, I stomped towards the door. Before I got too far, Saint
pinned me between him and the treadmill. I was ready to complain until
I noticed his dark gaze.
"It's more than the highlights, isn't it?" I teased.
"It's nothing personal," he said in a hungry voice betraying his words.
"I have a thing for women with flushed cheeks."

I forced myself to hold his gaze, needing him to see me. One day very
soon, this amazing man would be gone from my life. Knowing I would
suffer for not knowing him, I held his gaze until he leaned forward and
whispered in my ear, "Temptation is a bitch."
"It's just the flushed cheeks," I muttered.
Saint's lips caressed my temple, sending shivers through me. All those
warm feelings landed between my legs. Panicking, I backed up, but the
treadmill kept me from escaping. Saint finally shifted to the side, so I
could flee.
I hurried to the door before pausing to think about why I was running. I
wasn't afraid of Saint. I was afraid of how he made me feel. I feared my
body's reaction. Running from my demons wasn't an option. Closing
the door, I faced Saint.
"Temptation really is a bitch," I said, crossing my arms over excited
nipples.
Saint nodded, handing me a towel. "I doubt it's natural for people like
us to be friends."
"What do you suggest then?" "Nothing. I'm just spitballing."
Giving him a smile, I followed Saint from the gym. We stood on
opposite sides of the elevator then avoided each other in the apartment.
Once cleaned up and dressed, Saint focused his gaze on me. I saw
immediately how he was hiding behind one his bland masks.
"There's a meeting this afternoon to organize our paintballs teams. We
should pick up Chinese after I get back tonight."
I looked around the apartment then grabbed my bag. "I'll be back later
then."
"You can hang out here, if you want."
"I have things to do. The girls are getting together and Winnie texted to
see if I could drop by. I'd rather do that than wait for you." "I guess."
Knowing he was in a weird mood, Saint likely worried I wouldn't
return. Or maybe he was hoping I wouldn't. The vibes coming off him
ran both hot and cold.
"I could take my stuff and sleep at my house tonight."

"Is that what you want?" he asked casually.
"Is it what you want?"
"I'm okay with whatever you decide."
Frowning, I placed my hand on his arm and demanded his attention. "I
don't want to decide. I want you to decide."
"Fine," he said, taking his keys from the table. "You'll sleep here
tonight."
"Well, alright then. If you're leaving, I'll go run errands. We'll meet up
later for dinner."
Grinning, Saint opened the door. "See how easy that was?" "Yeah, just
like pulling teeth."
Saint grinned wider, but said nothing. He remained silent all the way to
the parking garage. Only when I climbed on the Harley did he regain
his voice.
"Be careful," he said.
Glancing at Saint, I was again hit by the realization that one day soon
he would be gone. I gestured for him to come closer and Saint obeyed.
"I like Chinese food," I said, caressing his cheek.
Smiling faintly, Saint mimicked me by caressing my cheek. "So do
I."
Our gazes held for another moment then I sighed. "I'll see you tonight."
His fingers lingered before he finally stepped back. As I left the parking
garage, my mind raced with memories of the last twenty four hours. In
fact, I found myself missing him by the time I got a block away.

Chapter Eighteen ~ Saint
Guys like Lenny were common within the illegal communities of the
world. He was an insecure asshole who crushed other people as a way
to feel better about his sad self. I'd bet he started out bullied as a kid
before becoming a bully when he got big enough. Now he spent his life
searching for new victims.
Logic dictated Lenny shouldn't start shit with the guys Memphis
brought to Ellsberg. These killers were more valuable to the bosses
than Lenny was. Yet apparently, the idiot wasn't a big believer in logic.
I saw him hounding Shadow. While the guy was huge, he was also
basically mute. Lenny figured the giant wouldn't squish him. I spotted
Cowboy whispering to Shadow, likely mocking him for taking Lenny's
shit. As the assigned babysitter for these idiots, I walked over to make
sure punches didn't fly.
Cowboy wasn't mocking Shadow though.
"Stomp him like a bug," he whispered to the silent man in the middle of
a staring contest with Lenny. "No one will care. Do it and I'll give you
twenty bucks."
Lenny rolled his eyes, but deep inside, he was probably nervous. If
Shadow fell on top of him, he'd be lucky to break free with only a few
broken bones.
"You two," I said to Cowboy and Shadow, "go play with Dutch. Learn
to work together and stay away from Lenny. He's on my team. If
anyone gets to crush him, it'll be me."
Cowboy gave me a nod, happy to keep his pretty face intact. Shadow
possessed only one facial expression, so he went from staring blankly
at Lenny to staring blankly while walking away.
The guys worked with the paintballs rifles, getting the feel of them.
Keeping an eye on the men, I imagined Cooper's guys prepping for the
match. Not really his guys, just Harlow. Was she training with them
right
then?
"Should we have a game plan?" one of the Rutgers twins asked.

I needed a minute to figure out he was the less horny brother Camden.
"Such as?"
"The goal is to take out Cooper's groups, right? So who are the weak
links?"
"The girl," Vick announced. Mikey's main muscle continued, "She's
gonna slow them down, so we take her out first."
Like the pro I was, I hid my irritation. "You'd think that, right?"
"Or," Dutch said, looking tired, "you leave the weak link in the game,
so she'll slow them down. Why take out their liability? It'd be like them
taking out Lenny minutes into the game."
Lenny glared at Dutch who pretended not to notice. I wasn't the only
one wearing masks.
Camden jumped in with his two cents, "Maybe the girl is their ace.
She's smaller than the rest of us and can hide in spots we can't. They
know the landscape better than we do and they've been training
together for months. Let's not make any assumptions about them."
Dayton rolled his eyes. "Show off."
"Your syphilis is showing."
While the brothers beat on each other, I focused on Lenny who looked
ready to say something stupid. I hoped my dark glare would inspire him
to keep his mouth shut.
"I don't care if she'll slow them down or not," Lenny said, immune to
my signals, "First thing off, I'm dropping the bitch."
Dutch smiled at those words while the rest of the guys looked relieved
they hadn't said them. Lenny noticed their signals, irritating me even
more. Hell, the bastard even looked shocked when I pinned him against
a car.
"I' m shacking up with that bitch," I said calmly as my knife shined just
over his throat. "If anyone shoots her anywhere besides the outer thigh,
I'll shoot them in the face and I won't be using a paintball gun. Are we
all understood?"
The guys behind me muttered affirmatives, but Lenny was a special
kind of loser. He hated me for being stronger and better than him.
Looking into his blue eyes, I saw a lifetime of feeling like the victim of
others. He knew he was vile, but figured it wasn't his fault. The world

fucked him over, so he was only fighting back against the injustice.
"There's no shame in backing down to a man like me," I said, returning
my gaze to the blade. "It doesn't make you weak. In fact, it makes you
smart. A survivor doesn't start fights he can't win. Only a fool
challenges someone who kills for a living. You're not a fool, are you,
Lenny?"
"Naw, I ain't."
Letting him go, I stepped back. "Then you stay away from my woman
and focus on shooting someone worthy of your attention like the
Reapers' enforcers."
As much as I wanted to kill Lenny, the Memphis bosses wouldn't be
happy. At least, they'd want me to wait until the games were over. Arlo
always complained when he was inconvenienced. "I hate to
micromanage," he told me a thousand times.
I allowed Lenny to save face even while forcing him to back down. The
other guys understood the rules regarding Harlow and I retained my
position as top dog. Even scaring the shit out these men, I decided it
wouldn't hurt to call a few loyal people to let them know who to kill if I
went missing in Ellsberg.

Chapter Nineteen ~ Harlow
Farah lived in a nice house in the suburbs with her handsome, rich, MC
president husband and their new baby. Everything was picturesque in
her life, yet she seemed tense when answering the door. Dark hair
hanging loose around her shoulder, Farah stared with big, worried
brown eyes that betrayed the smile on her face.
Inside the house, I found everyone had already arrived. Winnie sat with
Jace who was working on his school assignment. Lark held her son Leo
while Raven held her niece Phoebe. Next to them, Tawny held her
niece Lily. Finally, I smiled at Maddy holding her daughter Scarlet in
the kitchen.
"Was I supposed to bring a kid?" I asked.
Bailey appeared behind me with Sawyer and nodded. "It's just like
Harlow to come empty-handed."
"Hello, B. Shouldn't you be in class?"
"I skipped so I could take part in this intervention."
"Who are we ganging up on? Are you sure it's not you?"
Sitting next to Winnie, Bailey waved her hand dismissively. Sawyer
yanked on Jace's hand and he followed her into the backyard. Once the
older kids were gone, everyone looked at me.
"We're worried about you," Lark said softly.
"Why?"
"Because you're stupid," Raven answered helpfully. "It's not your fault.
Saint's hotness has made you dumb. We're here to help."
Farah wrapped an arm around me and guided me to an empty chair.
"Ignore her. We care about you and want to make sure you're okay."
"I don't need help."
"My lush uncle said the same thing at his intervention," Maddy
announced while bouncing a cranky Scarlet.
Bailey opened her mouth to make a rude comment to her sister-in-law
then changed her mind. "I'm nice now."
"Are we not eating lunch?" I asked.

Raven looked up from where she was playing with Leo. "We'll eat after
we do the group pity thing."
Frowning, I crossed my arms and waited for them to judge me. I could
handle it. I was ready for whatever they dished out. Well, until Winnie
gave me her sad-eyed look.
"This guy is a killer."
"So is Cooper, Judd, Vaughn, and Tucker. Oh and I doubt Dylan got
patched into the club based on his boyish good looks. So what's your
point?"
"You don't know anything about him," Farah said when Winnie fell
silent.
"You didn't know anything about Cooper until you got to know him.
We didn't know anything about each other in the beginning. I think
you're all being obnoxious to think what you have is different."
"So you think Saint is the one?" Raven asked. "I mean, are you
planning to be Mrs. Saint?"
Bailey snorted. "Mrs. Saint."
While Raven gave Bailey a wink, Tawny stood up and walked to me.
Looking so much like her older sister, she knelt in front of my chair.
"I knew Judd was special even when he was grumpy with me. I just felt
it deep in my gut. He seemed all wrong maybe, but he made sense to
me. We don't know Saint, but you do. If you say he's a good man, I'll
believe you. You're no fool when it comes to men."
I smiled. "Thanks, Tawny. I appreciate you treating me like an adult
and not a child," I said, glaring at Bailey then Raven.
"You moved into his place like after a day," Bailey whined, standing up
and walking over. "Who the hell does that? I didn't do that and I've been
known on occasion to be impulsive."
"Saint is only in town for a short time. It's not like I have a lot of time
for him to train me before he leaves."
"Training you to do what?"
"To be stronger and learn how to handle myself in a fight." The girls
studied me with expressions that said I was lying. Wanting them to
believe me, I continued. "He challenges me, but not in a mean way that
makes me shut down or lash out."

"I don't get it," said Bailey.
"He's hot and makes her feel good about herself," Tawny said, bumping
Bailey out of the way. "Harlow has this handled."
"Maybe you do," Raven announced, walking over with Leo. "I'd just
keep in mind how you're the only girl on the paintball team. There
might be a bet among the out of town guys to see who bangs you. Just
saying you ought to be careful and trust no one. Well except us. We 're
always solid."
"I'm not dumb or too trusting," I muttered, now worried Saint's interest
in me were a game.
Farah walked over, using Lily as a buffer between her and the other
girls. The cute baby thing worked every time.
"Intervention is over," she said. "Harlow heard our concerns and she
has it handled. Let's eat the Mexican takeout Tawny brought for lunch."
Raven wrapped an arm around Tawny. "My unborn son is a spice freak.
Thank you for obeying his needs." "You're getting weird."
Raven shrugged and looked at Lark. "You were weird when pregnant."
"No, I wasn't. Besides, I was baking two babies. Personally, I think you
got nailed in the head too many times at the Thunderdome."
With the focus on pregnancies and babies, I could breathe again.
Winnie appeared next to me while the others moved to the kitchen.
"You were there for me with Dylan," she said, hugging me. "I'll be
there for you with Saint. Just don't forget to ask for help if you need it."
Smiling, I leaned into her hug and shook off the feeling of being
ganged up on. I hated having them think I needed a lecture. They
should know I would never be a sap when it came to a hot guy. On the
other hand, I worried my history of distrusting men made me easy prey
for someone as smart as Saint.

Chapter Twenty ~ Saint
The Chinese buffet was filled with the heavyset seniors, a few kids with
very loud opinions about broccoli, and a dozen college students with
very loud opinions about how stupid adults were even though they
were all voting age too. From our spot in the isolated corner, I kept an
eye on the other customers, yet Harlow only had eyes for me.
"How did you get free?" she whispered, leaning close enough for me to
kiss her pouty lips.
"How did it feel to kill the fucker who grabbed you and your
sister?"
"It felt good," she said, leaning back and giving me a shrug. "Felt like I
had power for once. Made me crave it. For a while, I thought about
becoming a vigilante and killing off bad guys, but I wussed out. Now,
answer my question."
"My parents paid, but then the assholes decided maybe they misjudged
my situation. I wasn't a white American so they'd figured I didn't come
from money. In fact, my mom's side of the family is loaded, so they
paid quickly. The asshole in charge decided he low balled my ransom
and wanted more. Months passed while messages were lost and people
involved in the negotiations went missing. In that time, I got in touch
with my dark side. All my life, I was the nice guy. You can't imagine
how many times I helped people move or picked them up from the
airport."
Harlow gave me a great smile, but her eyes were filled with dread at the
idea of me locked away in prison.
"I wasn't a dark person," I said, knowing I had the face of a dangerous
man long before I became one. "I enjoyed my life until the day they
grabbed me in Mexico. I was spoiled by a good childhood and loving
parents. Nothing prepared me for the pain waiting for me. The beatings
and rapes. Being locked up in a tiny room with no food and water for
days. If you treat a man like an animal long enough, he'll either die or
evolve. Clearly, I didn't die."

Harlow stared at me for a long time without me knowing what she was
thinking. Reading her proved difficult unless she was pissed.
"How long did it take before your parents got you out?"
"They didn't get me out. The guy in charge of the prison got on the
wrong side of someone and ended up in a mass grave. I stayed in the
prison for eight months."
"How did...?" she didn't finish. "If I'm supposed to understand what
you're hinting, I'm sorry, but I don't."
"I killed a man in prison. His friends came for me later and I killed two
of them. The new guy in charge of the prison decided I was worth more
alive. I had natural talents, he said. I could gain my freedom if I was
willing to kill for him. By then, I wasn't sure I wanted to go home
anyway. I felt lost, but killing assholes gave me purpose. Eventually, I
faked my death during a job and walked away from working for that
guy. I tried being normal, but it felt wrong so I returned to being Saint.
After awhile, I hooked up with Arlo in Memphis who needed someone
dead without it looking like a murder. He needed finesse and I can do
that. Anyone can go in hard and sloppy. Soft and precise takes skill and
I evolved into the sort of man with that talent."
Harlow's eyes hid nothing. She pitied me. I was damaged like her and
she wanted to heal my pain. In a way, she had helped me by sharing my
bed the night before. I'd awaken next to Harlow feeling at peace in a
way few things did anymore.
"I'm sorry," she said because she couldn't say what was really on her
mind.
"Now that you know I really was a saint before Mexico, tell me what
you were like before the Devils."
Harlow's vulnerable expression darkened. She didn't want to talk about
ugly stuff, but I'd shared and needed her to do the same. Taking a mask
off was something I only did with my parents. No one else saw the real
me, but I'd torn one off for Harlow.
"I thought I was tough," she said, poking at her sweet and sour pork.
"When my dad died, I stayed strong for my mom and siblings. When
mom got hooked on drugs to deal with how much she missed dad, I
stayed strong for my brother and sister. When we ended up with Aunt

Ashley and Playboy, I acted like I had everything under control. Then
Playboy killed my family and I had no one to be strong for anymore. I
was broken and scared of everything for a long time. Eventually, I
played the strong chick again to help Winnie feel safe. Now, she's
married and strong on her own."
"You're strong for yourself now."
Harlow gave me a weak smile. "I don't know that I evolved enough
when things got tough," she muttered then sighed. "Maybe I'm still
faking it like when I was a kid."
Leaning back in my chair, I studied Harlow's lost expression. She
wasn't wrong about faking it, but I refused to pile on when she was
already feeling down.
"After the food settles, let's work out."
"Okay," she mumbled, eating her rice.
"If you work out hard enough, you can't think of anything except the
aches in your body and how tired you feel. All you'll want to do is
sleep. Sometimes when my brain clings to the past, I'll work out until I
can barely stand."
"That'll teach you."
Grinning, I ran a finger over her hand resting on the table. "If faking is
your only option, I'll help you sell it."
Harlow held my gaze and forced a smile. She looked so fragile. What
kind of monster was I to dump my secrets and demons into her already
troubled life? An honorable man would walk away, but I had gotten
good at being bad and I wasn't going anywhere.

Chapter Twenty One ~ Harlow
Settling my sore body into the hot water, I refused to care about Saint
shirtless and wet before me. I reminded myself I'd seen plenty of guys
in the same state of undress. Hell, Dylan ran around shirtless last
weekend and I hadn't given a crap. My feelings for Saint weren't any
different.
I was full of crap. Saint was different in a million ways. I felt only him
when he stood in a crowd. His voice echoed in my head. The night
before, I dozed off replaying our time together. Saint was all I thought
about and he was sitting across from me in a hot tub - wet, shirtless, and
sexy as sin.
We sat for an unknown amount of time before I realized I was staring at
him. After blinking a few times, I realized he was staring at me too. His
skin looked so warm that I struggled against the urge to go to him. A
hot panic flushing across my chest, I ordered my ass to remain seated. I
mentally yelled at myself to stop staring at him.
Before I regained control, Saint smirked. "Fear controls your every
breath."
"I'm not afraid."
"Are you lying to me or yourself?"
My fingers tingled with the need to touch him. I was desperate to know
what his skin felt like. A taste of his lips. A moment with his arms
around me.
No fucking. Nothing even extreme like making out. It was normal to be
curious with a man like Saint. He wanted me to be curious too. I saw
the amusement in his eyes as he realized his games worked.
"I'm not scared of you."
"Lie."
"I know you won't hurt me. It's not who you are."
"True, but I still scare you. Do you know why?"
I rolled my eyes. "Because you're so big and strong?"
"Because I make you fear yourself." When I rolled my eyes again,

Saint only smiled. "I can control myself around you," he said,
stretching his arms across the hot tub wall. "Sitting there wet and barely
dressed, you have the same effect on me as you would on any straight
man. I am in control though. You aren't."
"You think you're so hot, don't you?"
"Doesn't matter what I think. You think I'm hot. You want to know
what I taste like. You're the one scooting closer, not me."
Glancing down, I realized I was sitting at the edge of the seat, no longer
against the wall. I had moved closer without thinking. My gaze met his
and I expected him to gloat. Saint surprised me once again. His smile
was gone. A dark hypnotic gaze took its place.
"Don't live life afraid," he said in a slow, tempting voice.
"I don't know what to do," I whispered.
"Yes, you do. That's why you're shaking."
He held my gaze for a minute, maybe more. I couldn't think straight.
My body, mind, and heart were on a million pages. All I knew was
Saint looked like the answer to my problems.
Lunging for him, I was lucky I didn't land on his nuts and ruin the mood
right there. My knees rested on each side of his strong thighs while my
hands gripped his shoulders. I looked into his eyes then stopped. I didn'
t know what to do next. Part of me needed to get out of the hot tub and
run away. Another stronger part planned to get comfy right where I
was.
"Yes or no?" he asked softly.
Still staring into his eyes, I whispered, "Maybe."
"Close enough."
I expected wild passion. Between my legs, I felt a man ready for
fucking. No way was I ready, but I assumed Saint expected it. As usual,
I was wrong about him.
His hands settled on my shoulders as he studied my face. I felt my
panic easing, yet my arousal grew. He was less scary up close. More
real and less what my mind made him out to be. Hell, he even seemed
gentle like a kitty rather than a hungry lion.
Tracing my lips first, his fingers explored my cheeks and forehead.
Curious more than aroused, Saint didn't consume me. He never lost

control. By the time his lips grazed mine, I felt entranced by his dark
eyes. Saint possessed secrets I'd never know. This idea made me sad in
a way it shouldn't, but I hungered to understand him.
Saint kissed me softly then pulled his lips away before kissing me
again. I responded to his kisses with panic, thinking I wasn't ready. Yet
once his lips sucked at my bottom one, I was desperate for more.
His hands cupped my face as the kiss deepened. Even moaning at the
taste of his tongue against mine, I yanked away. A moment passed
while I studied his face and he waited patiently. Leaning forward, I
pressed my lips against Saint's and let him lead.
Time falling away, our bodies wrapped together as the kisses grew
frantic. I lost myself in the heat of his body. No thoughts remained. No
past or future. Just this perfect hot moment with a man I needed to
survive.
Suddenly, Saint picked me up and moved me to the other side of the hot
tub. He sat back at where he'd been then ran his hands through his hair,
wetting the already damp strands.
"Why?" I whispered, confused and overwhelmed.
"I can't lose control."
Despite what he said, I felt rejected. Exposed and humiliated. My past
came crashing back, causing a sob to rise up in my chest. Desperate to
be strong, I strangled the sound.
"Can I sit closer?" I whimpered with my hands in fists. "I can't lose
control either."
Saint looked at me, wearing his mask of cool indifference. I felt small
under his gaze, yet he nodded and patted next to him.
I crawled along the seat and rested a foot from his warm body. Still
panicking, I pressed my knees against my chest and struggled to stop
shaking.
"When I was locked in a dark prison," Saint said in a gentle voice, "I
would pray to God. Let's pray now."
Taking my fisted hand, he closed his eyes. "I'd imagine I was on the top
of a mountain where everything is clean and open. I'd breathe in the
pristine air and feel closer to God."
I closed my eyes and pictured myself standing with Saint on the top

of the mountain. My panic slowly eased away until I was resting my
head against his shoulder. Around us, the water no longer bubbled and
the pool area felt too quiet.
"We should go upstairs and clean up before someone ruins our good
mood."
Nodding, I didn't move. "It's been a long day."
Saint caressed my hand under the water then stood in a quick motion. I
stood too, though not nearly as quick or smooth. He held out my robe
before walking to the door. I followed behind Saint, uncertain if
anything I felt was real. Was he tricking me like the girls warned or was
I conning myself?

Chapter Twenty Two ~ Saint
Once we reached the apartment, Harlow rushed to the shower. I waited
for her while checking the messages on my throwaway phones. I
discovered a few possible jobs I'd likely blow off and Mom checking to
see if I managed to put a ring on it. I rolled my eyes at her message then
waited for the shower to turn off.
The moment Harlow appeared from the bathroom, I knew something
was up. I even suspected she might want to leave. Having her hair
combed back allowed me to see her face well enough that I knew she
was close to breaking into tears.
"I want you to tell me the truth," she said, standing in front of me.
Her hands were in fists and she lifted her chin defiantly.
"I'll do my best," I muttered.
"This thing you're doing with me, is it really about training me and
needing help sleeping? Or is this a game you're playing with those
Memphis guys? Like seeing if you can fuck me. Is this a joke or trick?"
Her expression ripping me apart, I wanted to hold her against me so
badly. I felt her life in my hands in a way that I didn't even with people
whose lives could literally end at my discretion. Harlow was on a path
with a very distinct fork in the near future. If she faced her fears and
asked the right questions about her life, she would end up happy. If she
wasn't strong enough to make the tough calls soon, Harlow might end
up bitter to the point of never finding her way free of her past.
"I don't give a shit about those guys. Hell, I don't even give a shit about
myself some days," I said, running both hands through my hair. "I give
a shit about you though."
Harlow blinked a few times and I saw the impending tears fade. "I don'
t want to be a joke," she said softly. "But I can see how easy it would be
to punk someone like me."
"A chick with womanly rage issues?"
Grinning grudgingly, she walked to the couch and sat down. "I give a
shit about you too."

I opened my mouth to say something. I wasn't even sure what exactly,
but something that would open a door I wasn't ready to look inside.
Instead, I handed her the TV remote.
"Watch TV while I clean up."
Looking worn down and even younger than her age, Harlow nodded.
She turned on the TV and flipped mindlessly through channels.
Once in the shower, I washed my hair and scrubbed away the feel of
Harlow from my skin. My mind replayed the way Harlow tasted and
how her hips fit against mine. No matter how much I scrubbed, I failed
to cool my desire. Only by closing my eyes and imagining my hand
was Harlow's pussy could I regain any level of control.
I didn't hurry out to the living room once I finished in the shower.
Staring at myself in the mirror, I tried to see the man I was back in
Mexico before evil corrupted me. Back then, I was capable of
tenderness and patience. I was a good man. Maybe a schmuck, but an
honorable man nonetheless.
I wanted to be that man again. No more merely wearing the mask, I
wanted to feel clarity in my heart again. To know I could hold Harlow
without worrying a moment of weakness might destroy all the light
inside her.
With her knees pressed against her chest, Harlow looked young and
uncertain on the couch. Her arms wrapped tighter around her legs as
she stared blankly at the TV. When I stood next to the couch, her gaze
found me and I saw fear. In the barely lit room, I looked like just
another man capable of destroying her.
"Thank you for giving me a good first kiss," she said in a hoarse voice.
As she caressed her lips, my body responded. I sat down next to her and
tried to remember the ease I once shared with my high school
girlfriend. I needed to forget the dark last decade and focus on the
present with Harlow.
"I haven't kissed a woman like that in years."
"You did seem a little rusty."
When I narrowed my eyes, Harlow smiled. A moment passed before
she scooted closer to me then focused on the TV.

"Do you think it would be better for you to sleep at your place tonight?"
I offered, feeling guilty about the erection I was sporting.
Harlow didn't even look at me before shaking her head. "I'd spend the
entire night thinking about you and wishing I was here. Besides, you're
only in town for a short time. Do you want me to leave?"
Adjusting myself on the couch, I sighed. "Not even a little bit."
"Can I rest my head against you?"
When I nodded, Harlow cuddled closer and leaned her head against my
bare arm. Even though we were both tired, we remained on the couch
for a long time, watching TV silently. A part of me accepted Harlow
might really be the woman capable of handling me without my masks.
Another stronger part knew I still had time to push her out of my life
and walk away from this temptation. As we walked to bed and slept
without saying a single word, I didn't know which part of me would
win out.

Chapter Twenty Three ~ Harlow
I woke up to find Saint gone from bed. Propping myself up on my
elbows, I checked the clock then wondered if Saint left the apartment
without me. Today was the first paintball match, so maybe he didn't
want to be viewed as soft by being seen with me.
Flannel pajamas clinging to my sweaty skin, I remembered why flannel
and summer didn't mix. Since Saint hadn't made an inappropriate move
either night, I planned to start wearing something more comfortable.
Sitting up in bed, I was startled when Saint walked soundlessly into the
room. He stopped and studied me.
"Your cheeks are red. Are you sick?"
I took in the sight of him shirtless and recalled the way the dark hairs
felt against my fingertips when we kissed in the hot tub. My lips
remembered the taste of his. If I was flushed before, I was likely beat
red after reminiscing about the night before.
"No," I mumbled, shuffling to the bathroom. "Did you sleep at
all?"
"Like a damn baby," he said, chipper as usual. "Get cleaned up and
we'll have breakfast before heading to the Johansson place." "Sounds
great."
I heard Saint chuckling at my morning grumpiness. Shutting the door
as he found a shirt to hide what was making me so damn crazy, I
needed to wash off my bad mood, sweat, and the uncomfortable need
between my legs. I cleaned up and got dressed before walking to the
kitchen where Saint waited.
His gaze met mine and I saw something unsettling in those dark
eyes.
"What?" I asked.
"You look beautiful in the morning," he said softly.
Wrapping hair behind my ears, I smiled awkwardly. "Ditto."
"Do you really not see how beautiful you are? Or do you hope no

one else sees it?"
"I know I'm okay to look at," I said, walking over to him. "You're right
that I don't want people noticing my appearance."
Saint leaned forward and rested his elbows on the counter. "When you
say appearance, do you mean hair and eyes? Or are we talking about
your T and A?"
"What do you think?"
Saint stood up and slid closer to me. "I think you have curves in all the
right places and it's not a bad thing for a man to notice them."
Feeling grumpy again, I shrugged. Saint leaned closer and his lips
brushed against my cheek.
"Most men aren't Playboy," he whispered then teased my lips with his.
"I know I'm not."
"Two nights sharing the same bed proved you aren't," I said, staring
into his eyes. "Did you want to touch me?"
Saint stepped back and frowned. "Now, you're messing with me."
"Yeah, but you started it."
Grinning, he took my hand. "Let's have a quick breakfast before the big
game. I can't wait to shoot someone with a paintball gun. I really hope I
get one of those smug rich boys."
I walked with him out of the apartment to the elevator. "You were a
smug rich boy once. Why all the hate?"
"No hate. I know how much they need to be shot. All rich boys do. I' m
doing them a favor, you see?" he said, giving me a wink.
Saint's good mood infected me and I smiled the entire ride to the
Johansson house. He parked the SUV behind a dozen others and looked
at me.
"I have to play tough guy during the match." "No problem," I said,
grumpy again. "I wasn't going to make goo-goo eyes at you the whole
time." "Weren't you?" he said, grinning. "I have a rep to protect too."
Saint studied me before sighing. "We better go before I decide to ditch
this crap and take you somewhere private."
Rolling my eyes, I still grinned at how his gaze made me feel like

the most stunning woman ever. My vanity didn't last once Vaughn
slopped paint on my face.
"I' m going to have you hide in the bushes and ambush people," he
whispered, wiping excess paint on his camo pants. "Don't tell Saint our
plan."
"Right because it's such an amazing fucking strategy." Judd laughed.
"He's a horrible leader." "Fine, you be the leader."
Judd shrugged. "Harlow, you feel free to run around screaming and
drawing them all towards you. We' ll hide and pick them off as they
shoot you."
Vaughn frowned at me. "Tell him that's stupid."
"I think you're both stupid, but the only way to prove I'm right is to do
one of your plans today and the other one tomorrow. I'll hide today and
prove Vaughn's an idiot."
"The mouth on this one," Vaughn said to Judd who shook his head in
fake disbelief.
The guys goofed around a bit more before putting on their angry
enforcer masks for Cooper who was tense.
"Be careful. I don't want you getting hurt," he said to me.
"You're worried about us too, right?" Vaughn asked.
Cooper shrugged and walked away. Laughing, I pointed at the dissed
enforcers. They repaid my laughter by finding me a bush to hide in that
smelled like dog crap. Getting comfortable in the hot, stinky hiding
spot, I waited for someone to walk by that I could ambush.
Hiding proved difficult when a guy stopped at my bush to take a piss. I
jumped up before he whipped out his hose. Our guns pulled, he had the
better shot, but didn't take it. I pulled the trigger and nailed him in the
shoulder.
"Ow," Cowboy said, still aiming at me.
I heard a sound behind me just in time to see Dutch fire his paintball
gun. His shot landed against my thigh.
"Hell, yeah, ow." I frowned at Cowboy. "Why didn't you take the
shot?"
"The bush was blocking your thigh," he said, backing up. "Your

scary boyfriend said we could only shoot you in the outer thigh or else
he would go Hulk on us."
I spotted Judd and Vaughn lurking behind Dutch and Shadow, so I kept
talking. "Wait, you don't think I can handle myself out here just
because I'm a girl," I whined, beginning to fake cry behind my hands.
The men frowned at me in the way men tended to frown when
searching for an off button for a woman's tears. Before realizing the
con, Dutch and Shadow were shot in the backs.
"See you guys tomorrow," I said, walking away.
Vaughn and Judd disappeared back into the woods to hunt more
targets. I knew the Three Musketeers remained behind me, but I wasn't
interested in them. No, I was looking to have a talk with my babysitter.
While I expected that coddling shit from Vaughn, I couldn't believe
Saint would pull it. We needed to have a chat about putting Harlow in
the corner.

Chapter Twenty Four ~ Saint
Lenny threw the biggest bitch-fit when the paintball nailed him square
between his shoulder blades. I watched him from my hidden spot
where I' d shot him. While taking out a guy from my team seemed
counterproductive, I'd never been a team player. Besides, Harlow was
out in the woods somewhere and no way would I allow Lenny near her.
From my hiding hole, I shot one of Cooper's lackeys. More targets
might have wandered into my web except the scent of slow cooked
meat killed my patience. I decided to stop hiding and searching for a
target.
Walking slowly through the woods, I heard Tucker Johansson's version
of whispering. My footsteps no longer careful, I hurried towards my
target. Tucker didn't see me. He was too focused on Cooper who
wanted a shot at the twins. I grinned at their childish need to one-up
brothers not so unlike them.
My shot hit Tucker in the same spot I nailed Lenny. He yelled in
surprise then Cooper turned and fired on me. I looked down at the blue
spot on my green tee and smiled.
"I' m getting some barbecue."
Cooper frowned while Tucker jumped around pissed that he was out. I
left the brothers to their bitching and made the long walk through the
woods. Ignoring my compass, I followed the scent of meat until I
reached the house.
On the top deck, Kirk and Jodi worked the grills and slow cooker.
Nearby Mikey and Arlo hid under an umbrella while texting on their
phones. The Johansson sisters brought the men drinks, playing
hostesses to their parents' special guests. Half of the paintball players
were already out of the game, but Harlow wasn't one of them. I took a
sandwich and large glass of whiskey tea to a shaded spot and waited for
her to appear.
Clearly pissed, Harlow stomped out of the woods and straight towards
me. Despite her irritation, I loved the view. Camo was a good look on
her and the faint paint looked sexy as hell.
"Did you tell those douches they couldn't shoot me?"

I patted the bench and she plopped down next to me. "The only spots on
your body that can take a shot from a paintball gun without hurting too
much are your butt and thighs. I figured you wouldn't like having a man
shoot you in the ass, so I told them outer thighs only."
Harlow's angry pout faded and a smile took its place. "Those guys are
bigger, so it's only fair that I get special treatment," she said, wiping
sweat from her forehead. "So how come you already got knocked out?"
"I smelled the smoked meat and decided to call it a day. Now, I'm
eating. Have a bite."
Harlow took the bun and bit into it. Moaning her approval, she smiled
at me. "I thought you didn't share?"
"You've been a bad influence."
Her smile made me squirm. She was too open and trusting while I
remained closed off and hesitant to share. Leaving her to finish the
sandwich, I walked up the stairs to the deck where club guys and their
families hung out. I made two sandwiches and another glass of tea.
When I returned, Harlow's face was flushed even more.
"This has liquor in it," she said, studying the tea.
"Yep."
"I don't drink much," she said, sipping it. "I might act weird and make
stupid declarations. If I do, don't take it personal."
Grinning, I set down the food and drink on the picnic table. "I wouldn't
mind going back to the hotel and taking a swim. It's getting hot as hell.
Not humid though."
"Was it humid where you grew up?"
"Yeah," I said then forced myself to share more. "Grew up in Alabama
and Mississippi."
Harlow smiled at my confession. "We can swim here."
"Lenny is in the pool, splashing around like a dipshit. Claims he's
teaching Sawyer, but she doesn't look impressed."
"I don't think a whole lot impresses Sawyer Johansson."
"No, probably not."
"I cheated to help my team."
"How do you figure?" I asked, wrapping an arm around her when I
noticed Dutch and his buddies appear from the woods.

"I pretended to cry as a distraction so Vaughn could shoot them. Do
you think that's wrong?" she laughed, clearly not feeling guilty at all.
"Use what you got. When I'm on a job, I'm not against bending over
and using my amazing ass to distract someone."
Harlow laughed harder, making me think she was buzzed from the tea.
I liked seeing her so calm. My fingers caressed her long throat, causing
her to smile in a soft, almost goofy way. Yeah, Harlow was drunk.
"I like your eyes," she said, squirming around until kneeling next to me.
"They tell sad stories, but make me happy. Does that make sense?"
"Sure," I said, running my thumb over her lower lip. "Do you want to
blow this place and go back to the apartments while everyone is here.
The pool will be empty and we can swim in peace."
Harlow grinned. "You really want to see me in my pea green
swimming suit, don't ya?"
"More than you can know," I said, kissing the lip I was caressing. "I
don't want to share you with anyone else."
"You're such an only child," she teased, wobbling to her feet. "I need to
learn to hold my liquor better."
After shoving the sandwiches into our bags, I wrapped an arm around
her shoulders. "Sloppy drunk looks good on you."
"Feels good too," she said, giving me a silly wink.
I noticed Arlo's henchman approaching and gave him a fuck you look
to make him go away. Reading his short, bloody future if he crossed
me, the guy turned around.
"Ooh, scary," Harlow whispered, still sipping her whiskey tea. "I like
when you make people piss themselves. Really turns me on."
"Now, I know you're drunk," I said, taking the cup and dumping the tea.
"Hey, you said drunk was a good look on me."
"Yeah, but I want you sober enough to swim."
Harlow wrapped her arm around my waist as we walked to the SUV.
Like most people, she found confidence through liquor. Less thinking,
more doing. Harlow even licked my lips when I helped her into the
passenger seat.

Adjusting my camo pants, I sighed. "If I didn't know better, I'd think
you were a succubus tempting me into hell."
"Whatever," she said, waving me off. "I said the incubus thing
first."
A smiling Harlow stared out of the window the entire ride back to the
apartment. She smiled on the way up the elevator and after she slid into
her pea green swimsuit. Her smile grew when she saw me shirtless.
Walking confidently towards me, she ran her fingers up and down my
chest. "I don't like hairy guys. You're just right though."
"Good to know," I said, removing her hands. "I think we need to cool
you off."
Giggling, Harlow kept pawing at me and her touch felt too damn good.
My skin wanted more. My fingers itched to explore her soft skin. I
wanted to taste it too, but I reminded myself of the men I killed in
Arizona and how they stole her innocence.
Harlow didn't want to swim. Her hands were in my hair, down my
chest, and even tugging at my trunks. Laughing, she kissed whatever
part of my body she could reach while I dodged her in the water.
"You're saying no and running away, but psychically you're sending
me yes messages."
I laughed as she lunged for me. "You're making me want to take
advantage of you."
"Do it!" she cried, splashing me. "I dare you to get a taste of this white
chocolate."
While I laughed again, Harlow frowned at how her comment hadn' t
sounded right. Once she got over it, she came at me again. This time, I
allowed her to catch me.
"Your smile guts me," I said, caressing her wet hair. "Makes me feel
like superman and a broken child in the same moment."
Harlow stared at me then smiled wider. "Last night, you kissed my
breath away. I want you to do it again."
Distrusting a sober Harlow would be happy at what drunken Harlow
asked from me, I slid my hands over her round butt and squeezed. She
immediately stepped back and shoved me.
"No."

"Just checking to make sure you weren't too drunk to say yes." Harlow
frowned darkly, feeling threatened. I cupped her face, caressing her lips
with my thumbs. "I want to kiss you."
"Leave my butt alone," she said, still pouting even as her hands slid
down my arms.
Leaning down, I whispered, "For now."
The second my lips met hers, Harlow moaned into my mouth and her
arms wrapped possessively around my neck. When her body pressed
against mine, I felt my control slip.
Lifting her up onto my hips, I kissed her harder, deeper, wanting to own
every part of her. Harlow didn't struggle or say no. I kept my hands
away from her ass, instead wrapping her legs around my hips.
Apparently, this was acceptable because she grinded against my
erection.
My lips never leaving hers, I waded through the water. Reaching the
steps, I rested on them and wrapped her tighter in my arms.
"Harlow," I said, prying my lips from hers.
"Saint," she whispered, nuzzling my neck with her lips. "Your heart is
beating so fast."
My lips sucked at her throat, causing her to let out a hungry sigh. Hips
rolling fast against mine, Harlow searched for relief. The pressure
made my cock so hard I couldn't think. My hand in Harlow's beautiful,
soft hair, I tightened my grip. Harder, I sucked at her throat while
guiding her hips.
I wasn't sure how long we moved together until I came. I didn't even
know how long she rolled her hips after I'd finished. All I did
understand was I took everything and never considered the
consequences.
"No," I said, resting her next to me. "Stop."
Face flushed and eyes dazed, Harlow stared at me then sighed. "Now
my heart is beating so fast."
I brushed back her wet hair and basked in the face of a beautiful, fragile
woman. She needed me to take care of her, yet I'd lost control. I hoped
Harlow would inspire me to be a good man. Instead, the selfish side of
me took over.

"Fuck," I muttered, standing up and pulling Harlow to her feet. "We
need to clean up." "Okay."
I refused to look at her on the ride up to the apartment. Sobering up,
Harlow crossed her arms over her chest and stared at the ground.
"After you take a shower," I said before we reached our floor, "we'll
pack your stuff and I'll take you home."
Harlow didn't respond to my words. The doors opened and she
followed me down the hall and into the apartment. I waited for her to
react with anger or sadness. I expected something. Yet disappearing
into the bathroom, Harlow denied me a reaction.

Chapter Twenty Five ~ Harlow
No way would I beg. Only losers begged for someone's affection. I
wouldn't do it.
The hot water sobered me up, scrubbing away the chlorine and arousal
from my body. I took my time in the shower. After washing my hair, I
let the conditioner sit for a while. I needed time to think.
I refused to beg Saint for another chance. He wasn't worth losing my
pride. Never would I give him the satisfaction of asking him why. Fuck
him and his tragic past and fuck him again.
So angry that I didn't even dry off before dressing, I stormed out of the
bathroom. Saint stood at the kitchen, staring darkly at the counter,
likely feeling bad because life wasn't easy for him or some shit.
"Fuck you," I said, finding my voice even if it sounded young and
scared. "You can't use me to get off then send me packing."
"That's not what's happening and you know it. I lost control."
"You're fucked up. So what? I am too, but you keep pushing me to say
things and do things. You push me past my limits and say it'll make me
strong. Then the first time you hit one of yours, you want to bail like a
fucking baby."
Saint glared at me. Maybe he was angry at me or at himself. Either way,
I didn't care. He'd pulled me closer today and made me trust him then
he told me it was nothing.
I backed away when Saint stormed towards me, but he caught me and
forced my gaze on his.
"Don't cry."
"Fuck off. I have a right to cry. You can't tell me what to do anymore, if
you have no balls to face the tough stuff too."
Forcing me into an embrace, he held me fiercely against him. "I hate
when women cry."
"You hurt me. Don't you care?"
He caressed my head. "The day in the woods when you tried to kick my
ass, I felt tempted for the first time in... I don't even know how

long it'd been. I thought I could handle a little temptation except the
temptation grew and I can't control it anymore. I want you and I don't
think I can protect you from my feelings."
Staring up at him, I found Saint still hiding behind a mask. Too afraid
of showing his real face, he remained a confused man lost in his own
fucked up head. I imagined him locked up in Mexico, day after day,
struggling to keep his soul. He eventually lost the battle. Now, he was
fighting again.
"You want me," I said, making sure it didn't sound like a question.
"You know I do."
"You're not a coward, so don't act like one."
Saint studied my face before using one hand to cup my cheek while his
other arm held me close.
"I'd never been with a woman before Mexico. Never knew how it
should be before I knew what it shouldn't be. Now when I get aroused,
I get mean and rough. Fucking makes me violent. I thought I could
control myself with you because you're you, but I was wrong."
"You need to learn," I said, leaning my cheek into his warm, rough
hand. "You want to teach me to be stronger. Why can't you train
yourself too? I mean, when was the last time you pushed yourself
beyond what you could control? You're strong enough to try, yet you
act like a pussy."
Saint gave me a tight smile. "What if I push myself too far and hurt
you? What if I break you? Where will that leave us? I don't feel ruined
yet. I still think one day I'll be the man I once was, but if I hurt or
destroy you then I'm done. I can't come back from that because I've
never hurt an innocent person. Even when it would be easier, I don't
cross that line. I need to believe I can come back from being this man."
"We'll go slowly. We won't push too far too fast. Of course, I'm
assuming you really want to do this rather than chickening out like a
little bitch."
Saint pressed his lips against my eyebrow. "Thanks for the tough love
pep talk."
Ignoring the tears pouring down my cheeks, I pretended as if I was the
strongest chick alive. "You asked me to stay here and be your

dreamcatcher. I'm not ready to leave, so I'm not leaving." "Good, but I
can't promise I won't fuck up." "No one can make that promise," I said,
sighing. "Not really." "True," he whispered, lifting my chin and
pressing his lips against
mine.
My hands gripped his shirt as a lustful need rushed over me. Even in
Saint's arms, I felt him leaving.
"You're feeling raw now," Saint said, suddenly sweeping me into his
arms. He walked to the couch and sat with me in his lap. "I pulled you
close then shoved you away. I said yes then no then yes again. I know
what it feels like when people play mind games. It's exhausting to be
toyed with even if that person doesn't mean to hurt you."
"Don't talk down to me," I muttered as he pressed my head against his
shoulder.
"I'm trying to be gentle. Humor me."
Grudgingly, I rested against him. His touch felt perfect against my bare
legs. His skin smelled good enough to taste, so I pressed my lips against
his throat. Saint exhaled as my lips sucked harder.
"Stop," he whispered.
"Why?"
"Too much temptation," he said, leaning his head back on the couch. "I
haven't felt lust in so long. You feel too damn good. I want to take you
into the bedroom and not leave for a few days. Hell, maybe weeks."
My body flushed with need. Yet my brain replayed ugly memories,
leaving me unable to say more than, "No."
Saint wrapped me tighter in his arms. "That's why I asked you to
stop."
"We'll go slow," I mumbled. "I can do slow. I'm strong enough for
that."
"This is enough for me right now. Holding you and knowing I'm not
rough or greedy. Knowing I'm not just a killer." "Will you ever tell me
your real name?"
"Soon, but not here," he said, glancing around. "I'm too paranoid
someone might be listening."

I followed his gaze around the room. "My middle name is Edith."
Saint laughed quietly. "Mine is Angel."
"Really?"
"Mom told everyone how much she wanted a girl. When I came along,
people thought she was disappointed, so she named me Angel to show
people what a blessing I was to her."
I lifted my head and smiled at him. "Hot damn. You're a frigging mama'
s boy."
"Of course. All the best badasses love their moms."
My lips grazed his jaw and we both stilled. "I love both of mine, so I
think that makes me a double badass."
"Definitely," Saint said quietly.
I wanted to talk more, but everything I ached to say was wrong. We
both fell into silence. Soon, Saint left me to get cleaned up after the
swim. The entire evening was quiet even during dinner at a diner. We
stayed in our heads to keep from saying or doing anything that might
push us too far too fast.
Tomorrow brought another paintball match and one less day with Saint
in my life.

Chapter Twenty Six ~ Saint
Lenny was gunning for Harlow. I caught him sizing her up a few times
as everyone prepped for the second day of paintball. He didn't check
out Cooper or the Rutgers twins. He didn't hunt Judd who referred to
him as Wendell. He wasn't gunning for Vaughn who "accidentally"
dumped beer on his shirt. No, Lenny was eyeballing my girl because
the fucker was a coward.
I' d embarrassed him days earlier and he pretended to be fine. Yet men
like him stewed in their self-pity until it turned to rage. Even wanting
revenge, he wouldn't come for me. The ball-less wonder instead
planned to shoot Harlow as my punishment. I doubted he would aim for
her outer thigh either.
With no reason for me to warn Harlow, I wore my nice guy mask even
if my temper raged. The killer in me wanted Lenny on his knees,
fruitlessly begging. If I wasn't wearing my mask at that minute, Lenny
likely would have pissed his camo pants. With my mask, no one was
the wiser except Harlow apparently.
"You cool?" she asked, caressing my arm and sending me into
heat.
"I like when you pet me that way. Let's ditch the game and go
somewhere private."
Studying me, Harlow considered saying yes. She was thinking about
how good it felt in my arms. She was remembering my lips on hers.
Noticing her breathing speed up ever so slightly, I waited for Harlow to
agree to sneak off with me.
"I made a commitment to my team to pretend like I cared."
Running my finger across her cheek, I accepted how throwing her over
my shoulder and running away was off the table.
"Good luck pretending. I only made a commitment to show up. I've
done that much, so I'm pretty much ready to ditch this crap and go have
fun."
Harlow grinned. "Get shot early."

"Is that your plan too?"
"No," she said, giving me a wink before joining Vaughn nearby.
Narrowing my eyes, I watched her ignore me. I knew she felt my gaze
on her and she liked it. I sent her dirty thoughts about us in a hot tub.
Somehow, I knew she was thinking about us too. Just before walking
into the woods, Harlow couldn't ignore me anymore and glanced back
over her shoulder.
Our eyes met and held. Harlow showed me everything in a single
moment before disappearing into the woods. Her heart both craved and
feared me. My heart understood the struggle.
My group consisted of Lenny and Jason Jr. who was the baby brother
of some big deal in Memphis. Much like the day before, the coddled
idiot found a spot to hide. He would be safe until anyone with actual
eyes glanced in his direction. I didn't blame him for being stupid. These
games weren't his usual gig. The guy had office man stamped on his
forehead while Lenny was all muscles and no brain.
I tracked the asshole through the woods, remaining back enough to
avoid him seeing me. He was looking for Harlow. That made two of us.
As I moved soundless behind him, I enjoyed the wild nature around
me. Ellsberg included a lot of pretty sights besides the blonde girl I had
under my skin. Even with all this natural beauty, I couldn't imagine
spending a life in a place so small.
When I considered retiring, I pictured buying a place in a big city
where I could remain anonymous. Blending in made me feel safe in a
world where I had many enemies. No matter what mask I wore, I was
too big and dark to blend into a place like Ellsberg. This was Harlow's
home though.
We could start over anywhere and be anyone. All my failed retirements
spurred from boredom and feeling lost without my job. With Harlow as
my anchor, I was ready to create a life bigger than my next
job.
First, I needed to get through these stupid games that had nothing to do
with either Harlow or me. Cooper and Tucker plus the twins needed to
show their brass balls. Dutch and the boys needed to show they could
work together and keep their shit straight. I had nothing to

prove. I just wanted to spend time with Harlow.
Lenny caught sight of her a second before I did, but he couldn't fire
since she was out of range and partially behind a fallen tree. Aiming, he
prowled closer. While I considered shooting him in the back, I wanted
Harlow to do the deed. Sounding the bird whistle my dad taught me
growing up, I hoped she understood the signal. Harlow turned towards
the sound and caught sight of Lenny prowling closer. Startled, she fired
a bit wildly. I didn't blame her for fearing him. Lenny wasn't someone
I'd want to see lurking either.
Lenny let loose with profanity and I feared he might shoot her even
though he was out of the game. Before he could fire, I shot Harlow in
the thigh.
"Hey, Lenny," I said walking past the cursing asshole. Harlow frowned
at me. "You shot me." "Where's your big bro Vaughn to shoot me?" A
paintball came out of the woods and landed on my back. I glanced back
to find Judd peering from thick brush.
"Vaughn's taking a piss," he said, frowning at Lenny.
Grinning, I looked at Harlow. "The rest of our afternoon is now
free."
Lenny stomped off while Harlow rubbed her leg. "I can't believe you
shot me."
"Like you wouldn't shoot me if you got the chance."
"Yeah, but I'm overly competitive and more than a little petty."
My fingers reached out and wiped a line of sweat from her forehead.
"Hey, Judd, you might want to tell your boss that the twins made an old
barn their base camp."
Harlow smiled. "I've seduced you into betraying your allies. How
badass am I?"
"So badass that you deserve a reward. Let's go swimming."
"I feel like you seeing me in a swimsuit gives you the reward."
Leaning forward, I pressed my lips to her cheek. "Since when do you
not enjoy me shirtless and wet? Is this a new thing?"
Harlow's breathing shifted and she frowned. Her gaze focused on Judd
who rolled his eyes and walked away.

"Don't get me... flushed in front of the guys."
"Stop your bitching," I said, taking her hand. "You said we'd swim in
the river after the game."
Harlow tightened her grip on my hand even while adding in a grumpy
voice, "That was before you shot me."
"I'll give you a massage later."
"I don't want one."
"I have magic fingers," I said, giving her a sly smile. "They'll make you
my slave."
Mellowing out, Harlow finally grinned. "You sweat in the sexiest damn
way."
I stopped and pulled her to me. "I need to kiss you." "Okay and I'll kiss
you back."
Harlow's lips found mine. Her arms snagged me behind my neck. She
tasted sweet like she'd been sucking on a candy. Wanting more, I lifted
her off the ground. Her legs wrapped possessively around my hips. We
walked like that for a few minutes. Only the sounds of laughter up
ahead pried us apart.
Harlow stared into my eyes as her legs loosened around my waist.
"I like you."
Grinning, I set her down. "Let's get our suits and a few drinks then go
cool off in the river."
We ignored all the conversations on the deck while grabbing our
supplies. Harlow led me down a long stairway to a large deck
overlooking a quiet river. After setting the cooler filled with food and
drinks on a little table, she hid in a little outhouse to change into her
swimsuit. Not caring who saw me in my naked glory, I stripped down,
tossed my clothes on the bench, and yanked up my trunks.
Harlow appeared in her pea green one piece then gave me the once
over. "I really like you," she said, again betraying how young she was.
Walking to the edge of the deck, I held out my hand. "I'm scared to
jump. Will you hold my hand?"
Smiling, Harlow rolled her eyes. "I'll help you be brave."
I took her hand as we stood at the edge and looked down at the dark
water. "Trust me?"

Harlow nodded immediately. We jumped together, splashing into the
river. The water felt refreshing in the hot day. We floated along with an
inner tube. The sun warmed my skin, forcing me to dip under the water
to keep cool.
"How's your leg?" I asked when Harlow watched me for too long.
"Feels like someone shot me."
"I got shot in the back," I said, turning around.
Harlow ran her fingers over the growing lump. "I' m glad we got out of
the game so soon. This is better."
Disappearing into the water, Harlow emerged feet away. She
disappeared again, only to pop up in front of me. Before my hand
reached her face, she swam out of reach.
"I should warn you I'm an ace swimmer."
"I should warn you my swim top isn't tied very tight. Anything too
rough might make it come right off."
Grinning slowly, I murmured, "You have no idea what I'm thinking."
"Oh, I know."
"I very much doubt it."
Harlow frowned, uncertain now. Her hesitancy was all I needed to dive
down and catch her before she could flee. Squealing, she wiggled under
my touch. I wrapped her in my arms and kissed her neck.
Shivering, Harlow pressed her hand against my chest. "I'm going to
miss you," she said softly.
"You'll get over that feeling sooner than you think possible."
"Bullshit," she whispered. "These feelings won't just go away. They
have nowhere to go. Where can I put them?"
"You've faced bigger trials than what to do with your crush on
me."
Harlow reacted immediately to my words. Even wanting to prepare her
for my absence, I hated how the broken look on her face cut into me.
It'd been years since I felt like such a piece of shit.
When she swam away from me, I should have let her escape. Having
her hate me made sense. Yet I refused to let her go. I might say the
words about leaving, but they were lies I told us both. I couldn't leave

this woman and survive after enjoying a taste of happiness.
Swimming up behind Harlow, I stopped her from leaving the water.
My lips pressed against her ear and she waited. She wanted me to say I
cared about her too. She deserved to hear that feelings weren't
meaningless.
"The Memphis guys leave in a day or two. The other boys need to get
back to their families, jobs, and clubs. I have nowhere to be, so it
wouldn't kill me to stick around your redneck town awhile longer."
Harlow leaned back against me, resting her head on my shoulder. She
let my words dry the tears I knew were in her big eyes. By the time she
looked back at me, Harlow smirked.
"Don't call us rednecks."
"Yeehaw," I said, kissing her cheek.
Her arms held me tight. "I'm not ready for this to be over."
"I'm not sure I'll ever be ready."
Harlow didn't kiss me, lacking the confidence to make a move. Instead,
she licked her lips and lifted them up as the most appealing signal ever.
When my lips claimed hers, Harlow melted against me. For a man who
enjoyed power, having complete control over this woman made me feel
like a fucking king.
"Please tell me your real name one day," she said, her lips moving to
my throat. "I promise I'll never tell anyone."
"One day soon," I whispered, groaning from her sucking at my
neck.
Her wet body felt unbearably good until my cock refused to be ignored.
Painfully hard, I imagined how easily her swimsuit would slide over so
I could find relief. Harlow's expression was soft and relaxed. Arousal
lingering on her lips, she nuzzled my throat.
As bad as I wanted relief, I needed Harlow to trust me more. No doubt
if I wanted her this moment, she would agree. Relaxed the way she
was, Harlow was fearless.
"You trust me," I said as she grazed her lips against my shoulder.
"Why?"
Harlow's legs wrapped around my waist, making my cock beg.

"I'd tell you, but you wouldn't like my answer." I forced her to look in
my eyes. "Try me."
"Even if you leave tomorrow, you're mine. Even if I spend a long life
without you, you'll still always be mine."
I studied her warm eyes. "Why do I have to stay to make this work?
Why can't you come with me?"
Harlow didn't answer immediately. Her confidence faded before my
eyes. Harlow Todds needed me, but leaving her home and family
scared the shit out of her. Scared her so much that she might be willing
to let me go.
Our conversation was interrupted by the sounds of approaching people.
Privacy gone, we left the river and walked up to the deck where we ate
lunch and allowed my question to linger.

Chapter Twenty Seven ~ Harlow
Despite everyone thinking I was the tougher sister, Winnie was my
safety blanket. She kept me sane when my past haunted me. Winnie
inspired me when she faced her fears to make a life with Dylan. Now I
needed her help to face my own insecurities.
I found my sister sitting with Dylan on the house's deck. She looked so
happy and comfortable, but her smile faded when she saw me. I must
have looked freaked because she rushed to my side and we hurried into
the house. Once in a spare bedroom, she shut the door and waited for
me to speak.
"Did he hurt you?"
"No!" I cried. "Gosh, no. Nothing like that." "Sorry, but you looked like
someone hurt you." "It was me. I did it."
Winnie frowned, waiting for me to explain.
"I pushed him to say he'd stay longer. I want him to stay so bad. I hurt
when I think he might be gone soon. So I pushed and Saint said he
would stay. Then he said something else. He doesn't want to settle
down in Ellsberg, but he hinted that I could come with him."
Winnie's expression froze. Torn between rational sister and panicked
sister, she said nothing for a long time. I let the silence hang in the air
because I didn't know what to say either.
"Do you love him?" she finally whispered.
"I don't know. I think I could. It's only been a few days. Saint is like no
one else and I want to keep him with me. I can't say I love him though.
I'm too scared to let him close. He's holding back too, but I don' t want
him to leave."
Winnie snapped into mature sister mode. "You have time," she said,
taking my hand. "Don't freak out when you have time to figure out if
you have something permanent."
"I don't want him to leave," I said because it was all I could think.
"Maybe he'd learn to like it here."

My heart was beating so hard at the thought of losing Saint. "He likes
cities better."
"People make sacrifices for those they love. Since you don't know if it's
love, don't sweat it. Just have fun and enjoy his company."
"So rational."
"I had my turn to freak out. It's your turn now."
"I panic when I think of never seeing him again."
Winnie cupped my face and brushed away the tear on my cheek. "If
he's the one for you then you're panicking for nothing. If he's not then
the panic will go away. You've survived worse than a broken
heart."
Despite my fear, I knew her words made sense. "I got scared when he
talked about leaving. Got scared of losing him and scared of thinking of
leaving with him. I hate being scared."
"I know," Winnie said, hugging me.
We sat quietly while I gained control of my fried nerves. Winnie
worked the damp clumps out of my hair.
"I don't want you to leave Ellsberg," she whispered and my gaze met
hers. "But I do want you to be happy."
After glancing around the room, I gave into my need to gossip. "His
kisses are so good."
Winnie grinned and scooted closer. "I never thought you'd like that
stuff."
"I shouldn't like it. Maybe I don't really like it, but I like him. When
Saint touches me, I don't think about what he's doing. I only think about
him."
Smiling growing, Winnie took my hand. "That's how it is with Dylan. I
sometimes think about having sex at the end of the day. I'll know he's
coming to bed and I get a really bad feeling. I start thinking about those
pigs who hurt me then I see Dylan and the bad feeling goes away. I trust
him and my body knows him. I want you to have that comfort with
someone."
"Not Saint though?"
"I don't know him. He's big and scary and a professional killer. If I
knew him like I know the guys from the crew, I would understand what

you see in him."
"I doubt he'll want to go bowling," I muttered. "I don't even like
bowling."
"See if he'll come to dinner and meet Mom and Dad. Dylan and I can
come too, so he won't feel on the spot. We can get to know him."
The image of Saint and my parents chatting in my house made me
nervous. What if they hated him? What if he decided I was too ordinary
for such an extraordinary man? What if neither happened, but Saint
wanted to leave Ellsberg and take me with him?
As much as I craved Saint, I didn't know if I was strong enough to live
without my family and friends nearby.

Chapter Twenty Eight ~ Saint
Tucker Johansson and Dayton Rutgers decided to take the competition
between their families to a new level by having a hot dog eating
contest. While I watched them devour food, Harlow hurried inside and
talked with her sister. I hoped they were only gossiping, yet worried
Winnie was telling her to run, not walk, away from me.
By the time Tucker puked and Dayton was declared the winner, only to
puke a minute later, I'd grown restless. Harlow was my dreamcatcher
and I feared losing her. Where the hell would I go if she denied me? I
couldn't go home. I didn't know how to start over anywhere. Maybe
with Harlow, I'd find a way. Without her, I remained the man Mexico
created.
"I don't want boys," Harlow said, standing next to me. "They're gross."
Studying her beautiful face, I knew she'd been crying. Yet she still
looked at me and smiled.
"My mama raised me not to overeat," I said, wrapping an arm around
her. "Rivers of puke is what happens when you don't train boys."
Saying nothing, Harlow leaned her head against my chest. Her silence
made me edgy, but I wasn't someone who got chatty about his feelings
either.
"I heard about an Italian place just outside of town. It's supposed to be
above average," I said when she remained silent.
Harlow stepped away from me, sending an angry chill through me. I
followed her gaze and caught Lenny checking us out.
"Fuck him," I whispered.
"It's not smart for anyone to think you and I are doing anything more
than messing around."
"True," I said, wrapping my arm around her again. "But fuck it."
Harlow grinned. "Does your mom make spaghetti?"
"Yeah, but she likes rice dishes better than pasta."
"My mom loves Italian food," she said then added, "My Ellsberg

mom."
"What about your Arizona mom?"
"She made us a lot of Hamburger Helper. Does that count?"
"Of course. In fact, I can down an entire box of the cheeseburger
macaroni stuff, but I'm careful to eat it in an orderly fashion to ensure I
don' t vomit."
Harlow's expression held such warmth. My worries soon disappeared
over her escape with Winnie.
"I want to know more about you," she said softly. " I want to know
everything I can about you. Well everything you feel safe telling me."
"It's not you that makes me unsafe. It's all the ears in this town. All the
eyes too. Too many damn people want to know everyone's business. It'
s why I hate small towns."
Harlow looked at me as if I had kicked her kitten. I didn't know how to
make her understand my negative feelings for Ellsberg weren't
personal. Figuring I ought to let the subject drop, I took her hand.
"Let's bail."
Harlow waved at Winnie. There was a growing party vibe around the
house, so I was glad to flee to my SUV. I dumped my supplies into the
backseat then opened the door for her.
"Nice manners," she said, sounding happier than her expression
betrayed.
"Mama taught me right."
Looking tired, Harlow only nodded. I walked around the SUV, slid into
the driver's seat, and leaned over to kiss her.
Harlow returned my affection, but felt distant now. She was sitting next
to me while seeming a million miles away.
We returned to the apartment and took turns in the shower. I wanted to
say something to make things right between us. I just didn't know what
she needed to hear.
The night before, Harlow stood up to me the way I needed. I tried to run
away and she forced me to acknowledge how I felt. Though she kept
slapping me in the face with how perfect we were for each other,
maybe I wasn't perfect for her. Was this what her sister told her?
When we arrived at the Italian restaurant, Harlow smiled, though

not at me. She spotted Vaughn and Judd with their wives in the parking
lot. She jumped from the car as soon as I parked and hurried over to
them.
I wondered if I could live in a town like this one. To keep Harlow, I
clearly needed to stay in Ellsberg. She needed the familiarity of her
family and friends to survive. I needed her to be happy. Apparently, I
was a small town guy now.
"We're shopping for fancy meats," Tawny announced as I arrived.
"Why fancy?"
"Why the hell not?" Vaughn said, nodding at me in the tough guy way
that probably scared other men. "Are you here for meat?"
"Italian," I said, gesturing at the restaurant two doors down from the
deli.
Harlow glanced at me then her friends. I nearly expected her to devise a
lame excuse to ditch me. Instead, she wrapped her arm through mine
and smiled at Tawny and Raven.
"Have fun with your meat."
The girls laughed while the men smirked. Accepting the locals enjoyed
frat humor, I reminded myself to throw out plenty of fart jokes the next
time I chat them up again.
Harlow kept hold of me until we sat down. I enjoyed the feel of her skin
against mine. Her touch felt warm and inviting. Desire for Harlow
never made me think of Mexico.
We looked over the menu silently. I wasn't sure when I got so damn
needy, but I was worried again. Was she only biding her time until I left
town? Would she enjoy our time together then bail after the paintball
games? The questions rolling around in my fucking head were making
me tense. I finally asked her what I was thinking and put an end to the
suspense.
"Did you talk to your sister about last night? Did you tell her how I lost
control?"
Harlow shook her head, saying nothing. Still tense, I scratched at my
neck. "I wouldn't blame you if you did."
"I talked about how I didn't want you to leave," she said in a soft,
almost sad voice.

Now understanding her quiet demeanor since talking with Winnie, I
felt like an idiot. "Did you tell her when I leave that I want you to come
with me?"
Harlow nodded. I swore she was fighting tears, yet her eyes remained
dry.
Sighing, I stood up and changed seats. "I don't like being so far away
from you."
Smiling at this, Harlow watched me take the seat to her right. Fingers
sliding over my forearm, making little circles, she held my gaze.
"I know you're young," I said, seeing such fear in her eyes. "I have a
decade of experiences under my belt that you don't. I know you're still
living at home and your sister is your best friend. You felt like leaving
this town will destroy you. I was scared as hell to leave home when I
was your age. Of course, it turned out my leaving didn't end well. That's
not the point though. My point is despite what I want, I'm aware you're
young and I'm asking a lot."
Harlow's fingers linked with mine. "The thought of you leaving makes
my chest hurt, but I might not be ready for what you need."
"I said I'd stay in town for a while."
"Maybe it won't be long enough."
"No."
"No what?" she asked.
"You're not bailing on me because you're scared. Not after your speech
last night."
"I' m messed up," she whispered, leaning forward. "I'm not strong
enough to be what you need."
Waving off her worries, I caressed her hand in mine. "I might be about
to turn thirty, but I' m like you when it comes to relationships. I've only
had one girlfriend and we were never sexual."
Harlow frowned as if I was lying. When she rolled her eyes, I couldn't
help laughing.
"It's true. Her name is Samantha and we met in junior high school. She
was in my church group and I didn't like her at all. She was a tattletale
and always using alliteration to give people nicknames. Like Grumpy
Gus and Laughing Lydia. Drove me crazy, so I avoided her as

much as possible."
"She sounds special," Harlow said, distrusting my story.
Laughing at her expression, I continued, "Samantha mellowed out as
she got older. So did I. By high school, we started dating and kept
dating until we graduated. We even talked about getting married after
our missionary work. Samantha traveled to Africa while I went to
Mexico."
"What happened?"
"It would sound perfectly to claim she broke my heart by falling in love
with another man while I was locked away in prison. Oh, how I
suffered to return and find her marrying a missionary she met in Africa.
She ruined me, making me incapable of trusting another woman."
"That would explain a lot actually."
"Yeah, but it'd be a lie. I don't know if I ever loved Samantha as much
as a man can love a woman. I did love her though. She was my best
friend and like a member of the family. I don't think I loved her in a
passionate way, if that makes sense. I certainly didn't look at her the
way her new guy did. Even if I had loved her that way, I was relieved to
know she moved on while I was locked up. If she had waited, I'd have
been the asshole who dumped her instead."
"Because you changed."
"Yeah. I was a naïve fuck when I went to Mexico. Being in prison woke
up something dark and ugly in me. That part of me had no use for the
life I planned with Samantha. I left home a man and returned a killer.
She would never understand that part of me and I would never be able
to show her my real face. Pretending to be a good man would have been
a lie, but I might have wasted time trying to tell it. Instead, God brought
her a man who loved her like I never would. She felt guilty, but I was
relieved."
"Do you know what happened to her? Like do you keep in touch?" "My
mom gives me updates. Samantha and her man have two little girls.
They run a charity in Mississippi. All rainbows and fairytales." "You
don't want any of that kind of life."
Sighing, I wasn't sure what the right answer might be. "My temporary
retirements have become a joke with the Memphis guys, but I

really do want to walk away from this job. I just don't know what the
hell to do with myself once I stop being Saint. I never feel like I belong
anyway. On my vacations, I do charity work. Then I'll see assholes
hurting people and I return to killing."
Studying Harlow, I continued, "I need someone to keep me grounded.
A woman who sees the bad in me, but encourages the good. If I found
that woman, we could have a kid and get a home."
Harlow closed her eyes. "I can't picture you whipped."
"Try harder," I said, squeezing her hand. "Imagine me wearing one of
those grilling aprons and mom jeans. Yeah, I'd make one hell of a
domestic goddess."
Laughing, Harlow opened her eyes. "Would you be a stay at home dad
while your wife worked?"
"Sure, why not? I've seen more horrifying things than anything a baby
can put in a diaper."
Based on Harlow's smile, she was thinking about her and me and baby
made three. Women always thought about that stuff and I was handing
her the ammunition to dream.
"Samantha and I were waiting until marriage. That might sound like
madness, but I never wanted to touch her like I want to touch you."
Harlow's expression shifted ever so slightly. "We're not so different.
Our first sexual experiences were ugly, so we can't imagine it being any
different. What happens on your birthday though?"
Anger boiling up inside me at remembering, I nodded. "I hire an escort
and fuck like a mean bastard. I still hate being that kind of man, but the
girl gets paid and knows what'll happen. With you, I can learn to be
different. I'm already different in just the last few days. That's why I'll
wait for you."
Harlow glanced around the restaurant then back at me. "I wish I was
strong the way you are."
"You will be. Give it time."
"Will I be smart like you too?" she said, clearly teasing me. "Wise and
patient."
Leaning forward, I held her gaze. "With me, you can be any damn thing
you want."

"But not without you?" "No. It's a package deal."
Harlow grinned. "Then it's not much of a choice, is it?"
"No, it really isn't," I said, losing my grin. "I don't know if it's ever been
much of a choice with you. Not even when I thought I was completely
in control."
Harlow nodded. "I've done things that make no sense, but I do them
because it's you."
"I never really believed I'd find a woman able to handle my degree of
fucked up. That was before you attacked me in the woods. Now a lot of
things seem possible."
Grinning, Harlow sat back in her chair. "Man, I really thought I was
going to kick your ass that day. Seems so stupid now, but the whole
world feels different since then."
"We're messed up, Harlow," I said, caressing her cheek. "In here and
here," I added, pressing her hand against my head and chest. "We're
twisted, but unbroken. We're still standing and fighting. There's no
reason we can't make this thing between us work. People far more
fucked up than us have found happiness. I've seen them and I always
figured they were fooling themselves. I was so damn jaded before you,
but I need to dream now."
"What if we crash and burn?"
"At least we' ll know. Doing this takes more courage than kicking
someone's ass in a fight. If we fail, it'll hurt a hell of a lot more too. We
have to try though or the rest of our lives will be ruined with wondering
what if."
Harlow didn't immediately agree. Even wanting to hate her for not
jumping into the unknown with me, I understood her hesitancy. She
feared a broken heart more than a life alone. Harlow had family and
friends. She might say goodbye to me without regretting the choice for
a long time.
I knew though. Without Harlow, I would never leave this life of death.
If she turned her back on me, no other woman could mend my heart.
The darkness I struggled against would finally overwhelm me. Harlow
was my only path to happiness.

Chapter Twenty Nine ~ Harlow
Saint remained in an optimistic mood through dinner. He told me his
favorite movie was Armageddon, yet he felt no shame in loving a
crappy movie. He was allergic to chocolate, but never had much of a
sweet tooth. He liked salty foods better. Saint asked me easy questions
about food and movies. Nothing I might hesitate answering. Nothing
that might lead me to asking questions he couldn't answer.
Yet by dessert, Saint was tense. He tapped his fingers a lot and glanced
around as if we were under threat. I wanted to soothe him, but I didn' t
know how to promise anything without lying. Ellsberg was my home
and it could never be his.
Back at the apartment, we watched TV with the distance of the couch
between us. With such an oppressive silence, we were having our first
fight. Would this argument also be our last?
"I' m sorry," I said, resting in bed later.
Saint rolled on his side, facing away from me. "Life does what it does
while we make the best of it." "I don't know what that means." "Neither
do I, but it sounds good. Let's get some sleep." "Okay," I whispered,
staring at his back.
Against my better judgment, I reached out and ran my fingers down his
spine. He tensed at my touch, but didn't ask me to stop. Removing my
hand, I turned over on my side facing away from him. I stayed that way
for a long time, thinking about losing Saint. I also tried to imagine
leaving Ellsberg. Neither option felt right.
When trapped with Playboy, I thought to run. I even considered going
to the police and ratting him out. I'd imagined my brother and sister
stuck in foster care. Would the club put me in a grave to keep me from
causing more trouble? Even when I thought to run away, I realized I' d
end up turning tricks to survive. One hell or another, I refused to
choose. Eventually, Playboy made the choice.
Would things have turned out better if I hadn't been too afraid to

choose? I'd never know the answer. With Saint, either I decided or he'd
leave and decide for me. I might again make the coward's choice. Of
course, I could leave with him and end up miserable anyway.
Dozing off, I imagined a life where Saint was happy in Ellsberg. I could
remain surrounded by family and friends while keeping this amazing
man. In my fantasy, everything was easy. I hoped my thoughts turned
into dreaming of us together.
Instead, I suffered through a feverish dream about shoe shopping. I
hated shopping especially for shoes. Waking up, I found Saint sleeping
soundly next to me. We'd changed positions in the last few hours and
were now facing each other. Remembering how we'd gone to sleep
tense, I decided to leave him to rest.
I tiptoed to the bathroom then slipped into the kitchen for a glass of
water. Even tired, I feared returning to bed. Saint was too tempting.
When he wanted something, I needed to give it to him. When he was
upset, I needed to make him happy. I hadn't felt such responsibility
with anyone outside of my family before. Saint was perfect, but his
power over me wasn't enough to convince me to leave my home.
Accepting Saint would be gone soon, my chest hurt and I couldn't catch
my breath. I panicked when I imagined never seeing him again. How
could I go on knowing he existed in the world without me?
I returned to bed, barely coping with the pain of losing him. I'd grown
up since we'd met. I was stronger, less angry. Mostly, I was confident.
If I could face down a man like him, I was strong enough to deal with
any trouble life threw my way.
Except losing him.
Saint didn't look like an angel in his sleep. Not even a fallen one. He
looked like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Sleeping with a pout on his slightly tense face, Saint never escaped his
demons. They hounded him relentlessly, yet he hid his pain better when
awake.
The world broke his heart. A good man with big dreams of changing
the world was ruined by the evil that lives in lesser people. The men
who destroyed him were filth, yet they'd won in many ways.
I wished I could fix his pain. I wished to sooth the painful scars in

this man. Life didn't work that way. Just as I'd always be trapped in the
memories of watching my family die, Saint would never truly escape
his
hell.
I watched him sleep for a long time, already saying goodbye. Why the
hell couldn't I be strong enough to leave Ellsberg?
Waking up startled, Saint seemed to know he was being watched. He
scowled darkly at me. I only stared back at him. Even when he was
angry, the man was irresistible.
"What are you doing?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.
"Planning how to kill you in your sleep."
A small smile appeared then faded. "Bad dream?"
"No. I wanted a drink."
Saint leaned over and took a gulp from his always-present Gatorade.
Resting back against the headboard, he studied me again. "Why are you
watching me sleep?"
"I was thinking about how much I'll miss you when you leave town."
"I' m not leaving though."
"You keep saying how much you like the city, not small towns."
Saint rested his hands his stomach. "I want you."
"You can have anyone."
"Don't do the pouty insecure bit. Not with me."
Smiling slightly, I crawled closer. "I don't think I can function without
my family."
"You can do anything you want."
I lost my smile. "How long will you wait for me?"
The minute the words left my lips, Saint wasted no time. In a smooth
motion, he leaned forward onto his knees and cupped my face. No
words necessary, he answered me with a kiss. Gentle, yet commanding,
Saint leaned me back onto the bed. My hands slid into his thick hair.
My legs wrapped around him as he leaned over me.
"You taste like heaven," he murmured, kissing my jaw and neck.
"I' m afraid of holding you too close. I'm also scared of letting you go. I
haven't been this scared since I got to Ellsberg."
Saint hovered over me, large and intimidating. Even a monster of a

man, he caressed my bare belly as if his fingers were the wind. I
shivered at the feel of him, but said "no." He didn't stop, instead kissing
my forehead and cheeks before finding my lips.
My breath caught at the passion of the kiss. Saint wasn't a man in lust.
His need was something deeper, a starving desire building the longer
our bodies were pressed together.
His lips left mine then returned, exploring my mouth, stealing my
breath. My hands pushed him away before pulling him closer the very
moment he actually backed off. I kept thinking "no" even while
wanting all of him.
Saint's lips found my neck. Loving how his teeth nipped at my flesh, I
held him tighter. My hips bucked when he slid between my legs and his
erection pressed against the thin fabric of my panties.
"No," I moaned as my nails dug into his back.
Saint stopped and studied my face. "You need to say something else if
you want me to stop," he whispered, propping up on his knees and
studying me from my neck down to my damp panties. "I know you
can't help saying no when you're scared. I need you to say
'dreamcatcher' when you really want me to stop. Can you do that?"
"Yes," I murmured, reaching for him. "I can't fuck though. I can't
do that."
My rising panic scared me until Saint kissed my cheek. "I'm going to
make you feel good like you did for me last night." "No," I whispered.
"Dreamcatcher will make me stop," he said, sitting back and taking in
the sight of my legs open for him. "I've never seen anything as beautiful
as the look on your face right now."
"The look of fear?" I asked, shivering when his hands gripped my
knees before they slid lower against my thighs.
"The look of a terrified woman who trusts me."
Despite my hips arching upwards against my will, I smiled. "I do trust
you."
"I want to explore, so your clothes need to come off," he said then
added when I tensed, "Mine stay on."
"I think guys can fuck with their clothes on," I muttered while he

ran his fingers over my thighs again.
"Not me. I need to strip down and stretch out."
Saint lightly scratched at the flesh on my thighs up to my nightgown,
pushing the material past my breasts.
"No."
"I know," he said, leaning forward and making an approving sound.
"I've never done this before."
"What about your birthday?" I said as his fingers slid gently over my
nipples as if testing them.
"I pay for me to get off, not to make the escort's toes to curl. Samantha
and I never got past making out. You'll need to endure my clumsy
moves. Sorry," he said without looking sorry at all.
My fear eased as I imagined Saint clumsy. No, not just clumsy, but a
scared virgin of sorts. I ended up smiling until he gave one of my
nipples a lick.
"Shit," I gasped.
"I can't tell if you liked that. Let's try again."
My mind screamed for him to stop. I couldn't tolerate this kind of
arousal. It was too much. I needed him to stop. I knew how to make him
stop. I just had to say "dreamcatcher." No way would I utter that word
though.
My brain shut down once he kissed my nipple with his wet lips.
Breathing in gasps, I might have said Saint's name. Hell, I might have
moaned the National Anthem.
"Now you," Saint murmured to my other nipple.
Wiggling like a dying fish on the dock, I pushed him away, but he didn'
t budge.
Glancing up at me, Saint lifted an eyebrow. "Say the word." I stared
into his eyes, wanting to cry. "No." "I'm not stopping then."
Saint teased and sucked as my hips bucked then fell limp. His touch felt
so good and I hated him for making me lose control.
His lips moved from my nipples to my stomach. Sucking at the flesh
around my belly button, Saint slid a finger over the wet slit of my
panties.

"No," I cried, trying to close my legs.
Climbing up over me, Saint leaned down until his lips were an inch
from mine.
"Playboy is dead," he murmured, his dark eyes hypnotizing me. "His
shit friends are dead too. You're alive, Harlow, and you deserve to be
happy. You aren't a little girl anymore. You're not a victim either.
You're strong and beautiful and you want me to touch you. Am I
wrong?"
I shook my head and Saint smiled.
"You like when I touch you," he said, running a finger over my panties
again. "You want to touch me too."
Smiling, I rested my hands on his shoulders. "I do want to touch
you."
"We're here together and no one controls us. Mexico and Phoenix are
the past. This is now. Are you ready?" "You promise to keep your
clothes on?"
Saint nipped my bottom lip. "I don't like this apartment building with
all these assholes next door and upstairs and downstairs. I can feel them
stinking up the world with their bullshit. Your first time won't be here,
but it will be with me."
I smiled at the possessiveness in his voice. "I trust you."
Saint gave me a look that said I was full of shit. He was right. I didn' t
trust him or me for that matter. I wanted to trust him though, so I
relaxed as he slid between my legs. His hot breath on my thighs made
me squirm with pleasure. I felt him smiling at my reaction.
His fingers tugged my panties aside and I told him no. He ignored the
word, knowing I didn't mean it.
I held my breath as Saint spread me open with his fingers. My hard
nipples ached in anticipation. I finally exhaled when he kissed my clit.
Saint licked my wet flesh, sending me into a "no" overdrive. I finally
covered my mouth to make myself shut up. I think I might have cried if
he actually did stop.
His teasing was slow, nervous even. Once my back arched and I cried
out, his anxiety disappeared. Saint sucked and licked, finding the
rhythm to make me crazy. His tongue pushed me to a point where
words

no longer existed. I saw stars as my body dissolved into pure bliss.
His lips lingered on my aching flesh even after my cries ended.
Needing him closer, I reached for Saint and dragged him over me.
Kissing him desperately, I wrapped him tightly in my arms.
"Don't leave me," I said when his lips left mine.
Saint said nothing, his body moving against mine, trying to find relief
even while clothed. I studied his expression and knew he wasn't going
anywhere. As much as I craved him, I suspected he craved me more.

Chapter Thirty ~ Saint
I awoke to find Harlow watching me in awe. She blinked a few times
when I smiled at her then returned my affections. We got up and took
separate showers even though I was dying to see Harlow wet.
Afterwards, we walked to breakfast where she again stared at me.
"Orgasms feel good, huh?" I said, grinning as I dumped sugar into my
coffee.
Harlow shifted awkwardly. "I get how it's not new for you."
"Didn't you ever touch yourself?" I asked, leaning closer until I was an
inch from her lips. "Late at night alone in your room, didn't your hands
ever get curious under the covers?"
Smiling slightly, she kissed me quickly then shifted away. "It never
worked."
"Did you really give it a try?" I teased, caressing her knee. "A few
times. It never felt good enough. I got bored and stopped." "Tonight,
you can show me what you tried. I can help you with your technique."
Harlow rolled her eyes.
"We're doing that again tonight," I said, sitting back as the waitress
dropped off our food. "No."
"Yes."
"No," she said more forcefully.
I leaned back over and kissed her neck. "Yes. I liked having such power
over you."
"I bet you do."
"And you liked the way I made your body felt."
Harlow held my gaze and a smile warmed her face. "Yes, I did."
"There's nothing wrong with playing."
Nodding, she focused hard on my face. "No fucking though. I'm not
ready."
"You have a one track mind," I said, biting into a slice of bacon.

"Fucking is all you think about."
Harlow grinned. "I'm not ready."
"I know. I might not be ready either. Even last night, I felt myself
losing control. Practice will make everything easier."
Reaching for my hand, Harlow looked ready to cry. "Last night..." "I
know."
"I never thought I could feel like that."
Linking her fingers in mine, I sighed. "That's why I'll stay in a place
like Ellsberg. For you, anything is worth it."
Harlow sighed, a smile lingering on her face. She fell silent while
finishing her breakfast. I did catch her peeking at me and grinning. As
much as I wanted to reminisce about the night before with Harlow, I
allowed her the quiet. My mind was on how soon Arlo and his boys
from Memphis would leave Ellsberg. The twins and the Three
Musketeers would head out too. I wasn't sure how quiet this town got
when it wasn't overrun by outsiders, but I hoped I might finally relax.
Driving to the Johanssons' place for the final paintball match, I was
thinking about the fun Harlow and I might have once the last shot was
taken.
"Get knocked out of the game early," I said, pulling into the driveway.
"I'm bored of shooting people with paintballs. It's not why I' m paid to
be here."
"What will you tell the Memphis guys about Cooper?"
I parked then turned off the car without answering. Harlow wanted
protection for her friend. Even understanding her concern, I didn't work
for the Johanssons and I wouldn't lie for them. I'd lie for Harlow, but I
wouldn't be doing her any favors by pumping up her buddy's image if
he couldn't live up to the hype.
"Cooper is a tough, smart guy, but he isn't ready to run shit without
daddy standing in the wings. Fortunately, he has Kirk at his back. In a
few years, he won't need him."
Harlow studied me then nodded. "He's only twenty three. That's young
to have so much pressure on him."
"I agree. The guy comes from good stock and he's a world smarter than
his idiot brother. Cooper will be fine. He's also building an inner

circle of younger guys more aligned with him rather than just following
because of his dad."
Smiling, Harlow took my hand. "Thanks for telling me what you'll tell
them. I like that you trust me."
I studied the needy look on her face. "Once the guys leave town and I
feel less on display, you and me will need to have a chat about a few
things."
"Specific things?"
Grinning, I wrapped my fingers behind her neck and pulled her closer
for a kiss. "Names, dates, locations. A full debriefing."
Harlow laughed in an excited way. She'd exposed herself to me the
night before. Now she needed me to toss aside my masks and reveal
myself to her.
I knew Harlow thought I had all the power. I'd seen her so vulnerable
while I'd kept my power. Yet sex had always been cold and rough with
me. I expected the same with Harlow. Her skin felt warm and soft,
infecting me. Everything seemed a hint better since she opened her
heart.
"You threw me an anchor, Harlow," I whispered, leaning down to
nuzzle her hair. "I know you don't think you're strong enough, but
you're pulling me out of the abyss I've been stuck in since Mexico.
Nothing else could save me. Not my family or my work or vacations or
the lies I tell myself. Only you."
Gazing into her eyes, I saw everything. Hope. Fear. Desperation. Faith.
Harlow was mine, but I might still lose her. Even if I survived Harlow
slipping through my fingers and the life of loneliness awaiting me, my
mom would kick my ass. My one shot at happiness was standing before
me. I only needed to hold onto her and refuse to let go.
"I wasn't kidding about ditching the game. Get knocked out as soon as
you can and meet me on the deck. We'll bail the party and go
somewhere private."
An excited Harlow hid behind a mask when voices approached. I hated
pretending we were only fuck buddies. I hated to wear a mask with
Harlow, but these men weren't our friends. Nothing in Ellsberg was
safe for me. I belonged to no club and shared no allegiances. I was a
lone

wolf in a town full of packs. The reality was Harlow was safer than I
was.

Chapter Thirty One ~ Harlow
Vaughn's blue eyes shined against the camo paint on his cheeks and
forehead. I knew he was tense. Standing with his arms crossed tightly,
Judd was tense too. I wasn't sure why they were acting so pissy, but I
sensed their irritation was related to the Rutgers twins whispering with
Dutch.
"They're joining forces," Judd whispered.
"Seems like it. They want to end the matches with a big bang," Vaughn
muttered.
I glanced at the men then back at Vaughn. "Or the twins want to make
nice with a guy coming into power."
"You're not paranoid enough. I blame your parents," Vaughn said,
giving me a wink. "You look different today. Sick maybe. Did you eat
bad eggs?"
"Eggs?"
Judd grunted. "Bailey ate bad eggs and threw up on Tucker who then
puked back on Bailey. It was one of the more heartwarming moments
between the siblings."
"I can't say I'm sorry I missed that."
"You do look sick though," Vaughn said, cupping my face. "Did Saint
make you drink some kind of mineral shake? He seems like a health
nut."
Yanking my face away, I stepped back. "No and stop touching me. He
doesn't like that."
"Is he possessive?" Vaughn asked with a jerk-sized twinkle in his eye.
"Does he boss you around? Should I have a talk with him? Threaten to
shove a bowling ball up his ass maybe?"
"Sounds like a plan," Judd added, smirking. "Tawny thinks a bowling
ball won't fit in a guy's ass. This could be our chance to test it out and
answer the question once and for all."
"I think that's the most I've ever heard you talk," I said, backing away
from Judd.

Dylan pressed up behind me. "Leave her alone before I test the bowling
ball up your asses."
Looking at my brother-in-law, I smiled at his expression. He was
taking a bullet for me by distracting the guys.
"Thanks," I whispered.
"Remember this when I doze off during one of your stories again."
Losing my smile, I remembered him going as far as snoring while I
explained all the super cool moves I learned in my martial arts class.
Dylan grinned at my frown then walked past me and sized up Vaughn.
"I remember when you were good at bowling. Impending fatherhood
hasn't been good to you."
Vaughn lost his grin. Yeah, his bowling slump was a touchy subject.
While the guys tormented each other with threats and lame insults, I
noticed Saint stalking through the crowd of Memphis guys.
Even without his size and dark skin, he was all I could see in the ocean
of bodies. The minute his gaze met mine, the world fell away and we
were alone.
His look said it all. The paintball game and these people stood in our
way of being real. He gave me a tiny grin before disappearing into the
woods with his paintball rifle. I suspected he planned to get shot five
minutes into the game. As much as I hated the pain being shot, I wanted
to finish up the match quickly and meet him on the top deck.
Vaughn decided to stick Judd with Dylan. This was meant to be a
punishment for one of them, but I wasn't sure which. I was stuck with
Vaughn who sniffed me and asked if I'd been marked by my killer
boytoy. Shoving him away from me, we were too busy tormenting each
other to realize we'd walked straight into the twins' hiding spot.
Seeing my chance to get knocked out early, I stepped in front of
Vaughn as the twins fired. I took one in the stomach and another in the
shoulder.
"Fucking shit!" I screamed, not caring if I seemed weak. That shit
hurt!
Vaughn ran for cover behind a tree. He gave me an "attagirl" nod
before disappearing into the woods. The twins hesitated, looking
slightly terrified.

"We were aiming for him," Camden said. "If we'd been aiming for you,
it'd be in the leg like Saint instructed."
Slinging the gun over my shoulder, I rolled my eyes. "If I were you, I'd
worry more about Cooper's guys than what Saint will do to
you."
The twins barely missed being nailed by Vaughn's shots. They fled into
the woods and the game continued while I walked back to the deck.
Sawyer and Jace sat up on the deck with their legs dangling off the
edge. She appeared to be talking or maybe just chewing wildly on gum.
Jace was silent as usual, staring at the woods. He caught sight of me
and did that male trick of evaluating me from my toes to the top of the
head. How did an eleven-year-old boy manage to make me feel small?
"You got shot," he said, trying not to laugh.
"Yeah, I suspected that much from the pain."
Sawyer spit out a chunk of gum nearly the size of her hand. "Does it
hurt? I want to get shot with a paintball gun, but Pop says no."
"You'd cry," Jace said, swinging his legs. "I hate when girls cry."
"You'd cry, dumbass."
Rolling my eyes at their sibling-like bickering, I sat at the picnic table
on the lower level. I couldn't play tough with my shoulder killing me.
The pain drawing tears, I didn't want anyone knowing I was crying.
Jace especially would have none of my blubbering.
Removing my vest, I fanned myself in the early summer heat. The day
was mild out in the open, but the woods were muggy. I imagined Saint
in the heat and smiled. He looked so unbelievably sexy sweaty.
"How did you get shot so fast?" Sawyer asked, coming down the
stairwell with Jace close behind. "Did you mess up?"
"Yeah, but I blame Vaughn."
"Good," she said, joining me at the table. "Boys are stupid."
Jace narrowed his eyes, saying nothing.
"Shouldn't you be at school?" I asked Sawyer.
"Got booted after I didn't take any guff from a stupid third grade
bully."
"You got expelled for one fight?"
Jace snorted, yet remained silent. Sawyer glared at him.

"I don't take guff from anyone. Not the big kids or the little kids or the
teachers and especially not from that loser lady in the cafeteria who
said I couldn't sit where I wanted. I just don't take guff."
"I see that," I said, grinning at my brother. "So you're homeschooled
now?"
"Yeah. Turns out I do good with Mom and Pop teaching me. I'll take
guff from them like no one else."
Studying my shoulder where a welt swelled nice and ugly, I knew a dip
in the hot tub would help. Not here though. I wasn't stripping down in
front of so many people especially not Lenny who came stomping out
of the woods.
"He smells," Sawyer said, shoving fresh gum into her mouth.
"Sometimes like BO and sometimes like old turds sitting in the sun."
Jace showed no reaction. Guys like Lenny scared him. I didn't blame
him. Guys like Lenny killed our old families.
Spitting on the ground, Lenny grunted, "At least I lasted longer than the
girl."
"You got shot in the face," Sawyer announced helpfully, pointing at the
blue mark on his jaw.
"Yeah, some asshole shot me and didn't even have the balls to show
himself. Coward cunt."
Jamming more gum into her mouth, Sawyer rolled her eyes. "Whatever
you have to tell yourself."
Lenny wanted to tell Sawyer where to stick it, but she was Kirk
Johansson's princess. Instead of storming off to lick his wounds in
private, the asshole needed to punish someone.
"You think that's funny, fuckwit?" he growled at Jace. "Better get rid of
that smirk or I'll get rid of it for you."
Even without looking, I knew Jace wasn't smirking. Like a turtle
waiting for danger to pass, he shut down around men like Lenny. Eyes
down and face devoid of emotion, Jace reacted in the same way each
time and today was no exception.
Lenny smelled my brother's fear and pounced. "Punk ass kids today,"
he said, suddenly yanking Jace up by the back of his tee.
"Leave him alone! " I yelled, moving between them.

"Need your sister to save you, huh, pussy?"
Head down, Jace said nothing. He was waiting for the pain, but I stood
between him and Lenny's fist. Even wanting to rant and rave at this
fucker, I lost my voice. Suddenly, I was staring into Playboy's face, not
Lenny's. Scared of pain, I didn't move out of his way, but I didn't speak
either. Sawyer had no problem sharing her feelings though.
The Johansson sisters shared a habit of letting out a high-pitched
scream before battle. Bailey called it their Xena: Warrior Princess cry.
When Lenny wouldn't let go of Jace, Sawyer climbed on the table, spit
out her gum, and let loose with a scream capable of startling the dead.
"Shut up!" Lenny yelled, but his command didn't hold much heat. He
was scared of the little girl. I didn't blame him.
Sawyer narrowed her eyes, causing her pretty, little face to twist into
something ugly. "I'm going to have you killed! I'll have you torn apart
by dogs! I'm going to watch you scream, fucker!"
Releasing Jace's shirt, Lenny stared hard at me. He knew things were
out of hand, but he couldn't back down. Not to a little girl or for me
either. Lenny was a killer and men like him didn't blink even if they
ended up dead.
Sawyer never paused in her profanity-laced threats, even when Lenny
let go of Jace. A noise startled Jace and me. Lenny turned his gaze
away from us and towards the woods. On his back was a big splat of
paint.
"What the fuck?" Lenny yelled at Saint who moved casually towards
us.
Saint sported a half dozen paint colors across his chest and legs. Yet he
moved as if unfazed by getting shot so much.
"Sorry. Didn't hear you," Saint said, reaching us.
"I said, 'What the fuck?' Why did you shoot me?"
"Could have been worse," Saint said, setting down his paintball rifle. "I
could have used live rounds like this."
Saint pulled out a small handgun. Well the gun wasn't really small, but
looked that way in his large hands. I suspected the resulting hole in
Lenny' s face would look big enough.
"Be cool," Lenny said.

Saint smiled in a relaxed way. Stepping closer, he checked me for
injuries then peeked at where Jace hid.
"I don't like people messing with my things and Harlow belongs to me
while I' m in Ellsberg. Did you forget that?"
His voice was so calm that I was startled when Sawyer started
screaming again.
"I want you to kill him! " she yelled, hands in fists and tears pouring
down her red face. "I order you to kill him! I'll pay you! I don't care!
Shoot him! "
Saint studied Lenny then gestured for him to leave. "Be happy I'm such
a nice guy."
Lenny stomped away, trying to save face, but Sawyer still screamed at
him. She wanted him dead so badly I thought she might do it herself.
"Why didn't you kill him?" she demanded from Saint who shoved his
gun back into a pocket.
Saint looked at Sawyer and sighed. "Kid, life isn't always going to play
out the way you want. The good guys don't always win and the bad
guys don't always get what's coming to them. I know you have a
powerful daddy and your brothers run around like their shit don't stink.
Maybe you' ll have an easier life than most, but never forget that as
scary as your family is there are scarier people in the world. People like
your daddy's bosses in Memphis. They're Lenny's bosses too and they
say he lives. Life works like that sometimes."
Sawyer frowned, but didn't argue. She climbed down from the picnic
table and took Jace's hand. My brother was still hiding deep in his head.
He probably wanted to stay with me or find Winnie. Instead, he let
Sawyer guide him upstairs to the house. In reality, Sawyer needed more
soothing than he did now.
"Thanks," I said to Saint who was watching me. "I totally had it
handled, but I know how you like to feel important."
Saint shared my grin. "Sorry I pissed off Lenny and he took it out on
you."
"You shot him in the face?"
Saint grinned wider. "And next time, I'll shoot him with a real

gun." When I frowned, Saint took my hand and placed it against his
sweaty chest. "He's been gunning for you since day one and I've
controlled myself. The games are over now, so I'm killing him.
Messing with those kids sealed his fate."
"But you told Sawyer you wouldn't."
Saint shrugged. "That child isn't old enough to have someone's death
on her shoulders. Maybe she's crazy enough not to feel too bad about
getting him killed, but I doubt it."
"You're a cuddly bear inside," I said, leaning against him. "You got
shot a lot."
"I think Judd and Vaughn were having a contest and I ended up as the
target."
Saint glanced down at my shoulder and chest. "Who needs to
bleed?"
"The twins were aiming for Vaughn. I think you can leave them
unbloodied."
"Maybe," he said, looking unconvinced.
"Give them your angry glare and they'll piss themselves. They were
pretty close to needing new pants when they realized they shot me."
Saint glanced up at the top deck where voices were raised. Sawyer
likely caused a disagreement between the Johanssons and Memphis
guys.
"If you kill Lenny, will your bosses be mad?" "Bosses? I'm self
employed, babe. I'm also worth more alive than Lenny is. I deal with
problems no one else can. Lenny is cheap muscle." "Okay."
Saint smiled, tugging at the seam of my tee. "Everyone is partying this
afternoon and probably into the evening. We're expected to stick
around and have fun with them during the last night in town. I know all
that, but let's ditch this place and go somewhere private."
"You're leaving tomorrow," I said, letting the idea sink in.
"After escorting the big dogs back to Memphis, I'll be back. They don't
know that, of course."
I took his hand. "Let's go. I don't want our last night together to be

surrounded by people we have to pretend for." "Last night isn't really
accurate."
"You said it first," I pointed out as we walked around the house to the
driveway.
"True, but I didn't mean it like you think it means." "Because you'll
come back?"
Saint heard the question in my voice. He smiled as if our evening
would be filled with reassurances. I returned his smile then slid into the
SUV. After a text to Winnie to make sure Jace was okay, I settled into
my seat and let Saint take the reigns on our last night tonight.

Chapter Thirty Two ~ Saint
Harlow was a mess of emotions. Hiding nothing, she showed me every
fear and joy she felt. We'd spent most of the last night in the hot tub. We
cuddled in bed, walked to a local place for dinner, and returned to the
apartment complex for more hot tub soaking. The night ended with
Harlow crying out my name more than once.
"Making you lose control again last night were some of my greatest
accomplishments," I said, meaning every word. "We'll celebrate when I
get back to town."
"I can't believe you're leaving?"
"Just to escort the big wigs back to Memphis. It'd be easier if the
Johanssons would build a landing strip somewhere, so guys can fly in
and out of town."
"Do you promise you'll come back?"
Frowning, I realized she was genuinely worried. "Of course."
"If you decide not to come back, there's nothing I can do, right? I don' t
even know your real name. You could disappear and I'd never be able
to find you."
I cupped her face and gently wiped away the tears pouring down her
cheeks. "I'm coming back. It'll only be a few days."
"But you don't have to come back. You can disappear and I can't do
anything. I can only hope you return."
"Harlow, I'm coming back."
"You can say whatever you want and I have to accept it. What else can
I do? You have all the power."
Seeing the panic in her wet eyes, I struggled to help her. How could she
not see how much I needed her?
"Let me have your phone," I said, reaching for her little army styled
purse.
"You use burner cells," she whimpered, crying harder now. "Putting a
temp number in my phone doesn't mean anything except you think I' m
stupid."

Ignoring her tears, I set the number then dialed it. Harlow tried to walk
away, but I snagged her around the waist and sat her on my lap. The
phone rang a few times before my mom answered.
"Hey, Mom, say hello to Harlow."
I placed the phone against Harlow's ear.
"Hello," Harlow mumbled, wiping her eyes. "Nice to talk to you
too."
I cradled her in my arms while she made a few minutes of small talk
with Mom who likely wanted to know her life story. I took the phone
and told my mother goodbye, knowing I would need to call her later to
explain why no wedding date was set yet.
Hanging up, I handed Harlow her phone. "I'm trusting you with my
mom's home number. I wouldn't do that if I wasn't coming back."
"Was that really your mom?" she asked, wiping her face. When I
nodded, she gave me a little smile. "She sounds nice."
"Oh, she's very nice, but having you talk to her was like waving red
meat in front of a lioness. She'll want to meet you now. We'll do that
another day."
Calm now, Harlow studied me. "I don't want to guilt you, but if you
don't come back, it'll destroy me. My destruction will be on you, so
keep that in mind if you find someone better."
I considered telling her how stupid she was being to think I would meet
anyone else. Harlow wouldn't understand though. My life before her
was a dark memory I couldn't really share. She knew about Mexico and
my violent job. She knew I only fucked on my birthday. Harlow
understood these surface facts, but the true ugliness of my life didn't
register. I still wore too many masks with her. I still hid the fucked up
man I was inside.
"I'll be back in a few days and we'll go somewhere more private than
this club apartment."
Harlow smiled at the idea of us alone. I sensed she might even have a
specific place in mind. All of our plans would need to wait until I
returned to Ellsberg.

Chapter Thirty Three ~ Harlow
Wallowing in self-pity took a lot of effort. Yet the entire world sucked
without Saint nearby. Dad and Mom tried to give me hope by talking
about having him over for dinner when he returned. I nodded, but a part
of me didn't believe he would return.
My days were spent with family. Winnie babied me a lot. Jace was less
helpful. While I sat watching TV with him, he turned to me and rolled
his eyes.
"You need to stop sighing or I'm going to scream."
"Like your girlfriend screamed?" I taunted since he was my little
brother and I had a duty to torment him.
"Maybe your crappy personality is why Saint ditched you?" he
muttered since I was his big sister so he had a duty to make me
miserable.
"Not cool."
"Don't mock my woman then," he said, rolling his eyes again. "She'll
eat you alive."
"I'm bailing Ellsberg as soon as I'm old enough to drive. Disappear,
change my name, go into hiding. You know, live in fear that she'll find
me and scream until I marry her."
"Sounds like a solid plan."
"I' m not kidding."
"I know."
Jace grinned then sighed with relief when a car arrived. "Winnie will
help you stop whining. It's her talent."
"I love you very much, Jace," I said, grossing him out. "If I don't feel
better when I return, I' ll expect cuddles."
"I might need to go on the run sooner than I thought."
Grinning, I left him to watch a baseball game. Winnie waited in the car
patiently then gave me a big smile when I joined her.
"You look really beautiful," she declared.
"I haven't brushed my hair today. Why are you so happy?"

Winnie pulled the car away from the curb then headed towards Raven's
house for the girls' weekly get together.
"Mom said you were still sad, so I thought I could help you feel
better."
"By rubbing your happiness in my face?" I grumbled, fighting a
grin.
"That was part of the plan," she said, smiling as we waited at a light. "I
know you miss Saint, but he said he'll come back, right?" "Yeah."
"So he'll be back, right?" "I guess."
"Does he lie?"
"Everyone lies."
"Do you think he was lying?"
"I don't know."
"Do you think he plans to ditch you?" "I would if I were him."
Winnie pulled the car over and parked at the curb. "What are you
doing?" I asked. "Why should Saint ditch you?"
Shrugging, I leaned against the door. "He was settling because he
thought he's too messed up for someone good. Now he knows he can
control his demons, so why shouldn't he find someone better?"
Winnie frowned. "Better how?"
"Don't act dumb. We know I have my issues. I'm always saying no even
when I want to say yes. I have a lot of hang-ups. I also want to live in
Ellsberg, but he doesn't like small towns. Why give up what he wants
when he can find someone who wants the same things as him?"
"Maybe because he cares about you?"
"I guess."
"I don't know him, so maybe he's not so great. Maybe you're better off
with him gone."
I frowned. "Saint is fucking perfection, Winnie. He's sexy as hell and
really patient. He never loses his temper even when he wants to crush
someone. He keeps his cool and never scares me. He's also smart

and funny. Like I said, he's perfection."
"And you suck?"
"No, but I'm not perfection." "Maybe he thinks you are." "I said he's
smart. So no, he doesn't think that." "How do you know what he thinks?
Aren't you just assuming because you're in a crap mood?"
Crossing my arms, I grunted. "You don't know." "What it feels like to
be hung up on a guy who seems way too good for me? Yeah, I think I
do. I still don't know why Dylan puts up with my moods. Last week, I
got spooked and wouldn't leave the house even though we had plans to
go to the movies. He didn't get mad or ditch me. Dylan loves me even
though I' m all messed up." "Saint doesn't love me." "Do you love
him?"
When I didn't answer, Winnie forced my hand into hers. "You're a
fucked up person. There's no denying that, but you're also great in a lot
of ways. Those ways might be perfect for Saint."
"He said he would tell me stuff when he came back. Personal stuff like
his real name. I believe he meant it when he said he was coming back,
but he might see things better once he's away from me. Like how he has
more options than he thinks. He could see that I'm a dead end."
Winnie sighed. "I don't like how this guy makes you feel. Dylan made
me feel beautiful and special. Saint seems to make you feel bad about
yourself."
"It's not him. It's just reality."
"I' m messed up too. More than you. How come my man makes me feel
good and yours makes you feel bad? I think he's the problem."
"Saint is perfect," I muttered, glaring at her for talking shit about
him.
"Apparently not or he wouldn't leave you feeling so bad," Winnie said,
pulling the car back onto the road. "I hope he doesn't come back so you
can find someone better."
I continued glaring at her. "There is no one better than him."
"Whatever. I think he sucks."

I rolled my eyes. "You don't know."
"I know you love him, but think he doesn't love you."
Losing the anger in my gut, I ached with the sick feeling of knowing
Winnie was right. "Why would he love me?"
Winnie shrugged. "He must like something about you or else why did
he put up with you for a week?"
I couldn't answer her question. Saint was amazing while I was average.
Only his self-loathing made him think he needed to settle for me.
"I think he likes that you're tough," she said, turning into the
subdivision where Farah and Raven lived. "He probably thinks you're
hot too. Men are very visual."
"I guess."
"Did he ever mention any particular part of your body he liked? Men
are kinda obvious."
"What did Dylan like about you?"
"Boobs, hair, eyes. Oh, and my lips. In that order." I smirked.
"Showoff."
"That's true. I'm happily married while you're in love with someone
who doesn't like you at all."
Winnie started laughing, causing me to roll my eyes. "It's not funny."
"I was trying to pull a mind game on you, but I couldn't keep from
laughing. Sorry."
"What was the point of your mind game?"
"To show you Saint sees stuff in you that you don't see. Like he
probably is thinking about you right now."
"Thanks for trying to make me feel better even if it didn't work."
"I'll ask the girls to help me. If we all gang up on you, that's bound to
make you feel better."
"Like with the intervention?"
"No, that was a dud. I blame Bailey and Raven. It's just easier that
way."
"True."
Winnie pulled into the long driveway leading to Raven's yellow

house. Once we parked, she turned to me.
"Saint wanted you right away. Training you was an excuse to spend
time with you. He said he's coming back. The guy is smacking you in
the face with his feelings. It doesn't matter if you think he can do better.
He wants what he wants and a guy like Saint is probably used to getting
what he wants. That's my view on it and I'll stop bugging you about it
for today. I won't get the girls to pick on you either. I'll let it drop, but
you need to accept how this man has feelings for you. You also need to
admit you love him. Stop whining and grab your chance at happiness.
If you don't, I'm telling Mom and Dad on you."
Laughing, I took a swipe at her hair. Winnie watched me for a minute
then said the words on my mind too.
"If things work out with him, he'll want you to leave Ellsberg."
"Yes. Maybe not right away, but eventually. Small towns and Saint
don' t mix."
Winnie struggled against the urge to panic. I saw tears threatening to
fall, but she took a deep breath and calmed herself. A year ago, my
sister was a different girl until Dylan's love made her stronger.
"I don't know if I can handle leaving," I said when she remained silent.
"You can handle it. Do you know where he'd want to move?" "No. He
only said he likes the anonymity of a big city. He grew up in a smaller
place and his family remains there, but I don't know
details."
Winnie smiled. "You will soon. He'll return and feel safer without all
those Memphis guys around. I know Dylan was tense with them here.
Everyone was, but things will settle down soon. Who knows? Saint
might come to dinner like we planned."
I shared her grin. "I love the idea of him sitting at the dinner table with
Mom, Dad, and Jace."
"If he's the one for you, Harlow, don't mess things up because you're
scared. You can be brave in a fight, so be brave with Saint. Don't give
him up if he's what you need."
We climbed out of the car then hugged for long enough to get heckled
by Raven and Bailey. They didn't even open the door, instead

yelling out the window. Winnie flipped them off, still resting her head
on my shoulder. Bailey balked at the gesture and we listened to her fake
indignation. Laughter followed from the other women until we realized
our quiet moment was over.
With Winnie and my friends, I felt at ease in a world that scared me. I
loved Saint, but wasn't sure he'd be enough to keep me strong if I left
Ellsberg.

Chapter Thirty Four ~ Saint
Arlo was the nicest evil fucker I knew and I'd met plenty of them. Guys
like him hid their black hearts deep behind their Southern charm. I'd
end up just as rotten inside one day if I hadn't met Harlow.
We stopped halfway to Memphis and ate dinner at a BBQ place with a
sign of a pig eating ribs. Lenny and the other muscle sat at a table
nearby while I joined the Memphis big dogs.
"What's your verdict?" Arlo asked me after we ordered more food than
an entire El Salvadorian village ate in a day.
"Dutch has a natural leadership vibe about him. He thinks about things.
Watches people. Sizes up situations. Cowboy has a big mouth and acts
like a playboy, but he puts it in neutral when it's time to work. As for
Shadow, I don't think he said more than one word to me the whole time.
He's big and young and follows orders. I don't know if you need more
from him than that."
"The twins?"
"Idiot frat boys with some growing up to do, but they aren't running
anything yet. The good news is they're focused when they need to be.
The better news is they' re no Cain and Abel. They have a natural alpha
beta relationship, so you won't have infighting. When their dad is ready
to retire, those boys will be grown up."
"And Cooper Johansson?"
I didn't hesitate, knowing Arlo might be suspicious of my loyalties
when it came to Harlow's friends.
"Already ready to go. Kirk and his old timers are still around, giving
advice. Cooper is smart to be building a younger crew though. Guys
with allegiance to him and who will still be around for the next few
decades. Tucker is an idiot, but he's scary too. I saw the way locals are
around him. If he moves too quickly, they flinch. He plays the crazy
loose cannon to his brother's smooth operator. Tucker knows his place
too, so no brother battles later to cause you troubles. I'd say they're
solid as hell and you shouldn't worry about them."

Scratching at the back of his bald head, Arlo nodded. "I'm not getting
any younger and these shifting dynasties unsettle me. I want
consistency, so I'm relieved to hear the Reapers are solid. Maybe Dutch
and his boys can fix my problems in Devil's Hollow. I'm not looking for
mess. I don't want cops or turf wars. I want quiet so I can retire."
I leaned back and remained silent until our food arrived. Knowing
Arlo, he wanted to think about what I'd told him before digesting more
information. A man like him sat in an office in Memphis and worried
about thousands of moving parts all over his territory. With one rogue,
idiot, or betrayal, his power could come tumbling down. Sometimes,
problems needed to be cleaned up by a guy like me. Other times, men
like Arlo spent their youths in luxury, yet their golden years in prison.
He was hoping to avoid that trend.
"Didn't expect to see you hooking up with a local girl," Arlo said,
signaling he was ready to chat again.
"It happens. Not often, but I guess I'm mellowing in my old age."
Arlo grinned at the age thing. "Are you planning to pull the retirement
move again and head out to some Latin American village to feed
orphans?"
Cutting my steak, I shook my head. "I'm retiring for real this time. No
more vacations." "Sure."
"I' m starting a private security firm. Even have a few people I've met
over the last few years who want to work for me."
Arlo said nothing for a long time. I ignored his silence and ate my
food.
"What about the orphan kids?" he asked rather than focusing on his
own needs. We both knew he didn't care about orphans, only if I'd be
around to help him.
"I'll do pro bono jobs to help out widows and abused women running
from asshole spouses. Heartwarming shit," I said then added what he
wanted to hear, "I'll still be around to help out old friends too. I no
longer want to spend all my time making people disappear. The sheen
worn off that rose long ago."
"Yeah, I know," he said, returning to his food. "Do you know

where you' ll base this company?"
Playing things close to the vest, I lied, "Not yet. I'll want to talk to those
people to see where they'll be comfortable setting up shop."
"A man needs to build a life for himself. Good to see you finally got
that memo."
"Thanks, Dad," I said, smirking.
"I'm fond of you is all."
"I know. What I don't know is how much you'll miss Lenny?"
Arlo didn't even look at me before answering. "No one will miss
Lenny. A life wasted right there."
I gave him a little head nod then tried my clumpy potatoes. Harlow said
her mom made the best mashed potatoes. She also said her personal
recipe included cheddar cheese. Ellsberg didn't do much for me, yet
acted as home to the person I needed to walk away from the darkness.

Chapter Thirty Five ~ Harlow
I awoke to another day without Saint. Without opening my eyes, I
rested in bed for a long time and remembered him. The feel of his hands
on my skin, soft at times, commanding at others. The rough tickle of his
stubble on my neck when he kissed me. The little lines around his eyes
when he smiled. Those perfect teeth nipping at my flesh. The sound of
his dark rich voice. I missed every damn thing about Saint. He made me
stronger and weaker than anyone I'd ever met. He was mine, but I
feared I' d never see him again.
My fingers caressing my bare forearm, I pretended Saint was touching
me. He always woke up in a great mood. My grouchy morning self
improved quickly when I opened my eyes to that smile. Now I only had
memories to soothe me.
Crawling out of bed, I cleaned up in the bathroom. The face looking
back at me wasn't fooling anyone. I felt lost and only Saint could help
me find my way.
Wearing my giraffe pajama bottoms and a loose white tee, I was a
sloppy mess. Jace glanced at me as I passed him on the way to the
kitchen. He shook his head and returned to reading a book. Pouring a
cup of coffee, I stared out the back window.
I heard my dad talking to someone on the back porch. Based on his
tone, our visitor was a guy. When Dad spoke to mom or Winnie, his
voice was soft, harmless even. With another man, his voice held an
edge. It was funny to hear his voice fluctuate while talking to Winnie
then Dylan. In fact, we often teased him about that stuff.
Since Dylan wasn't visiting, I sat at the table and let Dad have his
privacy.
I thought about Saint while running my finger over the back of my left
hand where he had a long thin scar. The white mark contrasted against
the warm shade of his skin. I always wanted to ask where he got the
scar, but never had the courage. Now I might never know.
"Harlow, are you up?" Dad asked, sticking his head into the

kitchen. "Come out and join us."
Feeling a mess, I didn't want to talk to a club guy. No matter my
feelings, I left my coffee cup and walked outside to play happy
daughter.
"Have you met Bob Robertson?" Dad asked, giving me a weird smile.
Turning, I prepared to put on my fake smile. Then my breath caught.
"I came back."
Saint was a vision before me. A dream I couldn't believe was real. He
wore a blood red tee and faded jeans with a pair of old tennis shoes. His
dark hair was covered by a red trucker cap.
I reached forward to embrace him then paused and stepped back.
Glancing back at Dad, I smiled.
"Can we have a few minutes alone to do inappropriate things you won't
want to see?"
Dad rolled his blue eyes. "Just keep it PG rated, okay? We don't want
Jace seeing anything that'll scar him for life. Or get him talking about
cooties again."
Grinning, I waited until my father was inside the house before lunging
for Saint.
"There it is," he said casually while wrapping me into his arms. "I
missed this bed head."
"You came back," was all I could think to say before my lips met
his.
Saint didn't respond with words. He stole my breath and three days
worth of fear. I forgot where we were for the next few minutes. Hell, I
forgot my own name. All I thought was, "Saint came back."
Resting on the bench, Saint held me while stroking my messy hair. My
fingers pushed off the cap and dove into his thick hair. I hadn't even
realized I'd straddled him until his hands grabbed my hips and held
them
still.
"We're moving into R-rated territory," he murmured before sucking at
my bottom lip. "I don't need your dad threatening me again."
Pressing my hands on his shoulders, I pulled back and frowned at Saint.
He grinned at my expression.

"If your daddy didn't threaten me, what would that say about
him?"
I lost my frown and nuzzled my lips against his neck. "I missed you
more than is healthy." "Fuck healthy."
Laughing, I nipped his earlobe. My lips skimmed his cheek before
reaching his mouth. He kissed me quickly then cupped my face. "You
looked so shocked to see me." "I was."
Saint lost his smile and sighed. "How could you think I wasn't coming
back when I gave you my mom's number?" I shrugged. "I have issues,
okay?"
Saint caressed my cheeks. "You need to see yourself the way I see you.
If you loved yourself half as much as I do, I wouldn't see that look in
your eyes."
My gaze locking on his, I replayed his words in my head. He didn't say
he loved me. I only misheard him.
"Yeah, I said I loved you," he said, reading my thoughts. "You don't
have to say it back. I'm not an insecure manchild. I can deal with
rejection. I promise I won't cry at all. You watch."
Laughing quietly, I didn't know what to do about all the feelings raging
inside me. I only knew what words I needed to say.
"I love you too. I was a frigging whiny bitch the entire time you were
gone," I said then added, "As compared to being a cranky bitch like
usual."
"Did you sleep okay without me?"
"You know I didn't," I said, running my finger under his eyes.
"You look tired."
"Too many nights without my dreamcatcher."
"I don't know how to be in love. I can love my family and I can get
close to my friends. The way I feel about you is scary."
"You're fucked up and I'm fucked up. Seems like we're too fucked up to
work. Except together, we're okay enough to get over all the fucked up
problems we have."
"That's beautiful."

"Thanks. They'll be part of my wedding vows." I stared at him and he
stared right back. "Love, marriage, baby carriage. My mother will
insist on those three list items."
"But not right away."
"Oh, she'll insist on it happening yesterday. That doesn't mean she
snaps the whip and we jump."
"I' m not ready to leave Ellsberg," I said, breathing too fast when I
thought of missing my family.
"For the time being, Bob will be residing at the Holiday Inn Express
just outside of town with his woman."
I grinned. "Bob Robertson?"
"You'll get it in the minute," he said, leaning forward to kiss my throat.
When I realized he was making fun of my dad's name, I grunted my
disapproval.
"So do I have to call you Bob now?"
"It's my name while back in Ellsberg. Have IDs to prove it, but you can
call me anything you want, baby," he said, giving me a wink.
My hips wiggled instinctively at the sight of his devious grin. Saint
sighed and leaned his head back.
"I need to get you alone."
Thinking of how casual Saint was with intimacy now, I decided to
splash a little reality on our reunion.
"While you were gone, I was thinking about how comfortable you've
become with me. I figured that maybe you ought to see if you can be
comfortable with other women. Like date them and see if you find
someone you like more."
Saint pursed his lips and nodded. "Wouldn't be a bad idea. I mean
you're the first relationship I've had since Samantha. I really should
experiment before I settle. Hook up with a bleached blonde. A sexy
Latina would be nice too. Ooh, a hot black girl with some junk in her
trunk. If that doesn't work out, I'll know you're the one."
After a moment of panic, I studied his face and realized he wasn't
kidding. "I'll also experiment. I have the guy from church I can try
rubbing up against."

Wrapping thick strands of my hair around his finger, Saint smiled.
"Have at it. Just be aware how any part of him that touches you will be
sliced off by me. You tell him it's not personal. Just something I do."
I snorted angrily. "So you get to fuck around, but I can't or you'll cut
him up? How is that fair?"
"Hey, it's your plan. Don't be angry at me if you didn't think things
through."
"What would your plan be?"
Saint settled back on the couch and stared over my shoulder. "I'm a
simple man, so I have a simple plan. I wanted to come back to town,
claim my woman, and play house here until she was ready to move to
bigger pastures."
"Are you sure I'm enough to be your woman? My trunk is lacking junk
after all."
"You got all insecure while I was out of town, huh?"
Holding his gaze, I nodded. Saint smiled softly. "With time, you'll love
yourself like I love you."
His words sunk in until I could only shiver with relief. "I want to say it's
too soon."
"All of life's rules have exceptions."
I smiled. "I love you too. If you hadn't come back, I would have wanted
to die."
"So you came up with this bullshit in your head about fucking other
people?" Saint asked, cupping my face and kissing me softly. "Do you
sabotage yourself a lot or am I inspiring new behaviors in you?"
"It's all you," I whispered, relaxing against him. "You make me crazy
and stupid."
"Just as I planned."
Saint kissed me casually. Acting as if he had planned everything out
from the day we met in the woods to this moment on my family's back
porch, he hadn't a care in the world. Melting into his powerful arms, I
decided to follow this man anywhere.

Chapter Thirty Six ~ Saint
Harlow couldn't stop looking at me. I loved when the world
disappeared until I was all she could see. Made me feel like a fucking
superstar. Better than the applause of a thousand badasses, thinking I
was damn unstoppable. Harlow made me the man I craved to be. The
man I thought I lost in Mexico.
We sat on the back porch for nearly an hour. Holding Harlow against
me, I studied her features. Only days apart, I'd missed her in a way that
scared me. I felt like an infant reliant on his mother for all his needs. I
craved Harlow in a million ways. Her eyes hypnotized me much like
the passing clouds did when I was a kid. I could stare at her forever.
God willing, I would.
"You look tired," I said, sounding exhausted myself.
"I didn't sleep without you."
"I guess I'm your dreamcatcher as much as you're mine."
Harlow's smile relaxed me until I couldn't stop yawning.
"We could take a nap," Harlow said, nuzzling my throat. "I want you to
stay for dinner, but my mom won't be home for hours. The house is
quiet and Jace usually naps during the day since he has trouble sleeping
in the dark. Are you hungry?"
"Nope. Grabbed food on the drive. You haven't eaten though."
"I' m not hungry," she said, standing up. "Let me show you my room."
I took her hand and followed her to the house, past the couch where
Jace dozed, and down the hallway to her bedroom. The walls were a
pale blue and family pictures covered each one. A hanging shelf was
filled with more pictures and a Big Bird doll.
Harlow noticed me eyeing her doll. "My shrink gave it to me when I
got to Ellsberg. It's a focal point. When I'd freak out, she told me to
focus on the doll and not what was upsetting me."
"Did it work?"
"Not really. Winnie's doll helped her more, but I keep Big Bird to

remember how much I've grown."
I said nothing, only nodding and studying the room. I ran my hand over
the comforter on the bed she slept in every night for years. Checked out
the too small closet with her clothes jutting out along with a dresser
with drawers half open. The room reminded me of everything I loved
about Harlow. She was messy in her organized way. She liked earth
colors and surrounded herself with reminders of those who loved her.
Harlow closed the bedroom door except for a crack. She turned to me
with tired eyes and forced a smile.
"When Winnie and Dylan stayed overnight last month, they had to
keep the door open a little. The house rule is the only people who get
lucky here are Mom and Dad."
I smiled softly. "No doubt my parents will have a similar rule when we
visit."
Harlow's eyes lit up at the mention of meeting my family. She still
expected me to bail on her. I didn't know what needed to happen to gain
her trust. All I knew was I needed this woman.
My hands were in her hair before I realized I'd moved. Harlow
flinched, yet softened when my lips met hers.
"I missed you," I murmured, shuffling her back until we reached the
bed. "The world is fucking cold away from you."
Harlow didn't speak. My hunger frightened her. She was even
trembling while her hands slid under my shirt.
"I' m not leaving this town unless you come with me."
"Okay," she whispered against my lips. "I felt like I was falling apart
when you were gone. Food tasted like shit. Everyone got on my nerves.
I'm obsessed."
"I missed you," I said again, unable to think of the right words
Harlow nodded, but she didn't truly understand my desperation. "I can't
go back to the way I was," I stammered. "I never realized how much
weight I felt on my shoulders. How much tension I held in my body. I
worked out so much to get rid of that feeling. With you, I can relax. I
can breathe. Do you understand?"
"You love me," she said softly.
"It's more than that. Men can fall in and out of love. It's like the

flu, burning hot in the beginning then tapering off. Love can end, but
my need for you isn't temporary. You're my salvation. I can't exist
away from you."
I was dumping a whole lot of desperation on a fragile nineteen-year-old
woman. Though tough on the outside, still assumed bad things would
happen. Around every corner was the ugliness she left behind. This was
why she expected me to find someone better. I was too good to last. I
felt the same way about her.
Relaxing on the bed, Harlow let my words sink in. She pulled a
comforter over us before cuddling against me.
"How long do you think you'll stay in Ellsberg?" she asked.
"As long as you're here. I told you that."
"What I mean is how long before you'll get restless staying here?" I
studied her face and understood the question behind her question. "I'm
on vacation, so there's no hurry." "Where will we go afterwards?"
"I'm planning on starting a security company in Texas. Houston is a big
city and we'd blend in."
Harlow could barely keep her eyes open. "What will I do? Answer the
phones?"
"If you want to. Or you can sit on your ass back at home. Or become a
veterinarian. I don't care what you do as long as you're happy. In Texas,
I'll keep teaching you everything I know about killing and hiding and
reading situations. I'm not done training you, grasshopper."
Harlow smiled and her eyelids closed. "You came back."
"Yeah, I broke a few speed limits too."
Harlow's smile widened. I felt her dozing off, exhausted after worrying
and waiting for me. The last few days wiped me out too and I didn' t
take long to follow Harlow into sleep.
I dreamed of the prison and the night I chose to take a life rather than
lose my own. The stench of urine, blood, and filth filled my nostrils. I
baked in the never-ending heat inside the prison walls. The dream felt
so real, yet I knew the suffering was in my past.
Harlow was my anchor. Even in the dream, I felt her wrapped in my
arms. She soothed away the pain from my memories. I awoke to find

one of her legs tossed over mine. Smiling at her relaxed sleep, I dozed
off again.
The next time I woke up, Harlow was still wrapped in my arms, yet
awake and studying me.
"You frown so much when you sleep," she mumbled, still groggy.
"You don't know how beautiful you look when you frown."
I glanced at the clock and realized we'd napped half the day. Quiet
voices from the living room told me Winnie, Dylan, and Toni had
arrived. The time had come to play boyfriend.
I rolled over and braced myself over Harlow whose eyes widened in
surprise. My lips found hers then quickly pulled away when I
remembered the door was open. Leaning down a bit more, I kissed her
throat.
"Rafael," I whispered in her ear.
Climbing off the bed, I took her hand and pulled her up. Harlow stared
at me, unsure then her eyes brightened.
"I prefer Bob," she teased, hurrying past me.
I still managed to snag her before she disappeared out of the door. "I
should have told you before I left. I thought to do it, but I've spent too
long hiding from people. I ended up chickening out."
"Wuss."
Pressing her back against me, I wished our evening could be us alone at
the hotel. Instead, I held her tightly until the time came to follow
Harlow into the living room.

Chapter Thirty Seven ~ Harlow
The Holiday Inn Express was a ten minutes drive from my house. The
air conditioning in the room ran on high, feeling great on my sweaty
skin. I turned to Rafael who tossed his keys on the dresser then gave me
the once over.
"What should we do first?" he asked, handing me a loaded question.
"Before we get too comfy, I'd like to clean up." His dark eyes dissected
me, sizing up my comfort level before speaking.
"Lots of clean towels," was the response he figured I could handle
hearing.
Walking past him, I shut the door behind me without thinking. I let the
water warm up while I stripped down and considered my next step.
I loved Rafael. I wanted to be close to him. When I thought he wouldn't
return, I could barely function. Yet I felt nervous now.
I soaped up my pits and nether regions, making sure to smell fresh. No
matter my nerves, I planed to push myself to get closer to Rafael. He
understood me. Hell, he looked ready to pounce the moment we
entered the hotel, but kept his hands in neutral. If he could control
himself for me, I needed to control my fear. No more thinking like the
Harlow who Vaughn saved years ago.
Emerging from the bathroom, I wore only panties. A towel covered my
breasts as I walked past him and sat on the bed.
"Your turn, Sweaty Beast."
Rafael inhaled deeply then lifted an eyebrow. "Good thing we took a
nap. I suspect we'll need our energy tonight."
"No fucking," I blurted out. "Sorry."
Standing up, he just smiled. "So many other ways to play."
Rafael didn't shut the door while he showered. I could have checked out
the view. Yet I could barely keep my nerves under control without
adding his naked ass to the mix.

I waited for him in the chair, covering myself with the towel. He
appeared from the shower in only a pair of black boxers. His damp skin
shined and I ached with an urge to touch him. No matter my lust, I
remained where I was and pulled my towel tighter around me.
"Why do you get so nervous?" he asked, tugging me to my feet. "I
know you. What I don' t know, you need to teach me."
"I want to be close. I just panic when I think too much."
"With you, I never think. If I did, I wouldn't have moved you into my
place the day we met."
"I had you hooked from day one," I said, trying to sound confident.
Rafael smiled then gently tugged the towel away and tossed it on the
ground.
"You hide these pretty ladies in the sports bras you wear. I had no idea
they were such a handful until you showed up for the hot tub wearing
your green swimsuit."
Leaning into his hands, I sighed. "I don't want people thinking of me as
the boob girl."
Rafael said nothing, giving me one of those patient grins of a man who'
d been around longer than I had.
"Don't," I muttered, frowning at his smile.
"You are so young."
Before I opened my mouth to complain, he knelt in front of me and
wrapped his arms around my waist.
"You remember me, don't you?" he teased, talking to my breasts rather
than me. "You feel neglected."
Even wanting to say something, I only sighed when he nibbled at the
tender skin under my breasts. Lust broke through my anxiety, making
me smile. Rafael continued to explore. His sexy lips sucked and teeth
nipped at the sensitive flesh.
By the time his tongue slid back and forth over my nipple, I could
barely stand. My hands snug in his hair, I had no intention of letting
him stop though.
Rafael lifted me as he stood up and walked to the bed. "I talked to
Vaughn," I gasped as he rested against the headboard with me
straddling him.

Rafael focused on my throat. "Don't talk about other guys."
I forced him to look at me. "He said we could stay at his cabin. It's
private, so you'd feel comfortable about sharing private stuff. I'd also
feel comfortable letting you strip down and stretch out."
His sly grin made me squirm. Rafael groaned when my hips pressed
down against his. Feeling powerful and sexy, I grinned.
"Poor, Rafael," I whispered, kissing him softly before biting at his
lower lip. "You like me."
Kissing me hard, he caressed my hips and lifted me off him.
I sat next to him awkwardly covering my breasts. "What's wrong?" I
asked, thinking my teasing pissed him off.
He reached out and caressed my cheek. "Do you want to touch my
cock?"
I hesitated. "Do you mean Rafael's cock?" I asked and grinned. "Or
should I call it Bob's cock?"
Saint grinned. "I really don't care what you call me, baby. I just want
you to touch me like no other man existed before."
Leaning forward, I licked his lips. My hand rested inside his as he
guiding me past his boxers. Hard and hot, his cock twitched against my
fingers.
"Rafael's cock likes me," I said, my voice betraying my fear. His smile
widened. "I can't come until I watch you do it." Before I spoke, the
fingers of his right hand slid under my panties to my moist pussy.
"Trust," he whispered.
Relaxing my hips, I focused on his dark hungry eyes. He pressed one
finger inside me then a second one as I moved rhythmically against his
hand. His left hand guided mine over his cock, stroking him.
"Trust," I whispered.
His knuckle stroking my clit, Saint worked me slowly towards an
orgasm. I did the same for him with my hand. Already so thick, his
cock grew harder and bigger in my hand.
"I love you, Rafael."
"Show me."
At the command of his voice, I moved my hips faster against his

fingers, wanting to come for him. My free hand moved from his chest
to mine, stroking my nipple. "Yes," he whispered.
Rolling my hard nipple to the same rhythm I used on his cock, I worked
us both closer to release.
"I love the feel of you inside me," I gasped, letting go of my nipple and
leaning forward to kiss him.
I held onto his chest, our lips sucking hard at each other. His fingers
moved faster inside me, following the frenzied movements of my hips.
I was so close. I pressed my cheek against his and let go as the pleasure
overwhelmed me.
Gasping and pressing down on his hand, I nearly forgot I was stroking
his cock. I only felt the waves of bliss. Catching my breath, I rested my
face against his shoulder.
"I love when you come," he moaned, licking his fingers.
Still resting against him, I stroked his cock faster. Cum leaked down
my hand and I felt him holding his breath as the hunger built. Rafael
wouldn't let go until I leaned forward and licked the head of his cock.
"Damn," he groaned, unable to control himself any longer. I stroked
every bit of cum out of him, licking drops away until he was soft in my
hand.
"How soon can we get to this cabin?" he said as I crawled into his
arms.
"Tomorrow is Vaughn's grilling at his house and I'm supposed to go. I'
ll get the keys then."
"This town is obsessed with grilling," he teased.
I didn' t respond immediately, too interested in his fingers tugging at
my nipple.
"Tomorrow," I finally whispered. "Can you wait that long? Should we
even wait that long?"
"I want private and hotels aren't really private. I scanned the room for
listening devices, rented out the rooms next doors and across the hall,
so no one can bother me. I still feel exposed, but I'm a paranoid guy."
"Paranoia has kept you alive and that's all that matters."

"Let's play more," he said, adjusting me back on the bed. "I need more
than a taste of that pussy. I know how much she missed me, but does
she know how much I missed her?"
Grinning, I wiggled my hips as he tugged off my panties. Playing was
fun, but soon we needed to take the leap and make things real. No more
thinking of Playboy, Devils, and my past. Rafael was mine and I
wanted him to claim me.

Chapter Thirty Eight ~ Saint
On my second day back in Ellsberg, I woke up with Harlow's bare back
pressed against my chest and my hand cupping her breast. I smiled and
not just because her ass was wiggling against my cock. At peace for the
first time in years, I had everything I needed wrapped in my arms.
Well, not everything. I was stuck in a small town controlled by a
violent biker club. Kirk might be retired and Cooper might be Harlow's
buddy, but this place didn't feel safe to me. With her traumatic past and
solid roots in Ellsberg, I didn't know how long until she could say
goodbye to her home and create a new one with me.
The night before, Harlow loosened up. She walked around the room
naked, only occasionally getting shy and covering up. We enjoyed the
hotel's pool and hot tub. Checked out the gym too for our morning
workouts. I wanted her to think of the hotel as her temporary home.
The normally grumpy Harlow woke with a smile. She turned around in
my arms until our chests pressed together.
"Hello, Rafael," she whispered, staring sleepily at me. "Why are your
hard this morning?"
Kissing her forehead then cheeks and finally her lips, I smiled. "I' m
glad you agreed to sleep shirtless. Tell me why again?"
Harlow remembered my training exercise from the night before. "I
have lovely breasts and they need to be free. I should embrace their
beauty and give you a sexy show."
Glancing down at her plump breasts, I grinned. "Training you is a
difficult job, but there are perks."
"The funny thing is I'm training you too."
"Oh, I know. It's another reason I want to wait until we're at the cabin
before I strip down and stretch out. I need to be relaxed so I can stay in
control. With you, I can't be a monster."
"You won't be," she said, pressing against me. "I know you won't. I
trust you. It's why I can be strong. It's also why I can be weak. If I fall
apart, you'll help me put everything back together."

Remaining silent, I feared the day I couldn't live up to what she saw in
me. I wore so many masks over the last few years that I wasn't sure who
the real Rafael was anymore.
Harlow ignored my silence. Her hand skimmed over my hip and rested
on my ass.
"Rock hard," she said, squeezing. "I bet I could bounce a quarter off
this butt."
"I have something else that's rock hard."
Harlow gave me a confused look and I nearly lost it. She played the lost
little girl role so well.
"Here," I said softly. "Let me show you."
My hand moved hers to my cock and she acted shocked. "Oh, is Bob's
cock happy or sad? I can't remember what hard means?"
Smirking, I nudged Harlow onto her back and kissed her parted lips.
She responded easily, not a tense bone in her luscious body. We moved
together in a frenzied way, kissing and tasting wildly. Her legs wrapped
around my hips while I pressed my hungry cock against her damp
panties. The relief we found was muted, yet any pleasure was still
perfection with Harlow.
We eventually got out of bed and cleaned up for breakfast. Before
heading out the door, I checked my laptop. Harlow stood next to me,
taking in the sight of all the camera angles.
"I hid the cameras in the lights in the hallway. I also have one set up
near my SUV, so I can see if anyone's tampered with it."
"Where did you learn all this?" she asked, leaning against my arm.
"A nerd named Jeffy hooked me up with all this gear. He used to work
for the NSA or some government agency like that. Bailed and sold his
knowledge to the highest bidder. I learned enough to protect my ass and
hunt the men I was paid to catch. Don't know for sure, but I heard a few
pissed Columbians killed him. Just as likely that he faked his death."
I grinned at Harlow who stared with her big eyes. "Jeffy faked his death
as often as I claimed to be retiring."
"I'm not good with computers."
"They're not that complicated," I said, sliding my gun into baggy
shorts. "Guys like Jeffy do the hard part then teach guys like me how to

push the buttons. If I can do it, so can you."
We left the hotel room and headed downstairs for breakfast. The hotel
buffet provided use with a dozen options. I made myself two waffles,
needing to carbo load before my next workout. Harlow went smaller
with a tiny cinnamon roll and yogurt.
"You'll starve," I warned as we sat down to eat.
"I' m saving room for the barbecue. Planning to pig out actually. Raven
makes a pretty damn perfect Cole slaw she learned from Jodi then
tweaked. She's lucky Jodi doesn't cut her for messing with the recipe
though."
"What did you do while I was gone?" "Whined, pissed, and moaned."
"You fight at the Thunderdome?" "No. I think I'm done with that."
"Good."
"I'm not stopping for you."
Smiling, I studied her face. "Then why?"
"I used to be angry a lot and fighting made me feel better. With you
around, I'm not really angry anymore. So I'm not stopping for you, but I
am stopping because of you."
"We bring out the best in each other. Isn't that what love is supposed to
do?"
Harlow watched me in a weird way. "We're changing. Maybe you
could change enough to want to stay in Ellsberg."
"I' m a big man," I said, stretching to emphasize my point. "I need to
live in a big city in a big state."
"What's so great about Houston besides its size?" she asked about the
city I mentioned the night before.
"Lots of restaurants. It has a decent downtown plus the suburbs. Not
too far from Galveston. We can disappear there or be as friendly as we
want. There's no disappearing in Ellsberg."
"No one ever notices me," Harlow muttered, even knowing I stood out
in the college town.
"I' m on vacation for the time being, so let's not worry about Houston."

Harlow gave me a thankful grin. Both edgy, we finished our meal in
silence. I assumed she worried about leaving town. Imagining her
unhappy thoughts, I flinched when she laughed behind her hand.
"What?" I asked.
"I was thinking about tonight with us at the cabin." I cocked an
eyebrow. "Me naked makes you laugh, huh?" When Harlow blushed, I
knew me naked was exactly what she had on her mind.
"I'm excited," she said, flushing more. "Aren't you excited?"
Grunting, I finished up my food. "Don't get me hard before I walk into
enemy territory."
Once breakfast settled and we enjoyed a mild workout, Harlow and I
prepared to drive to Vaughn and Raven's house. We walked out to the
SUV, but her thoughts remained on my view of her friends.
"They're not your enemies."
"Maybe, but they're club guys. Men like them put out vibes. Even if
they're your friends, I refuse to bow down to a bunch of little boys."
"I'm fairly sure Judd and Vaughn are your age." "Whatever."
"You just like being top dog." I gave her a grin. "Wouldn't you?"
Harlow gave me a big smile. I sensed she was thinking of me on top of
her tonight. The girl had sex on the brain. In fact, she smiled lazily the
entire ride to Vaughn's house.
We arrived to find Harleys and SUVs parked along the driveway. I
wasn't sure how many people were included in the crew. I kept on my
guard, just in case.
A blonde and sunburned Raven opened the door with one hand on her
belly. Harlow glanced at the hand placement and rolled her eyes. Raven
gave her friend the once over then shook her head.
"Did you get laid?"
Harlow balked. "No."
"So that's why you look that way. Hmm... I haven't looked that way
since meeting Vaughn."
"And this is where you mention you're carrying his spawn."

Raven frowned. "I like being pregnant." "So you've said only a million
times."
The women glared at one another and I wasn't sure if they were
playing. Tawny opened the door wider, took in the sight of the angry
women, and focused on me.
"Women, huh?" she asked, waving me inside.
Following Tawny, I left Harlow and Raven to their contest. We walked
through a long hallway, past the living room and kitchen until we
reached the sliding glass doors off of the family room. I took a moment
to imagine living as a domesticated man like Vaughn Majors.
On the back deck, Vaughn and Cooper battled over the grill. Judd sat
nearby with his feet up and a cold beer in his hand. Tawny joined her
husband while I stepped onto the deck and tried to relax.
"Need a beer?" Lark asked, wearing a baby on her chest.
I shook my head. "It's a little early for me."
"Wuss," Harlow said, wrapping her arms around me. "Do you need me
to stay close or can I go play with the girls?"
"Stay close."
Staring up at me, she smiled. "If you ever want to lose your tat
virginity, Aaron is the best."
Lark' s face lit up. "Cooper, show Saint your tats, so he can see Aaron' s
talent."
The men quickly took turns showing me their crosses, hearts, skulls,
pirate ships, kids' names, and an angel with Tawny's face. By the time I
finished looking at way too much male flesh, Harlow was no longer at
my side. She'd distracted me long enough to run off and gossip with the
girls. I knew they were chatting about me when they all looked at me
and laughed. It was awkward.
A text jingle from one of my burner phones allowed me to break away
from the men. My gift for Harlow had arrived in Ellsberg. The timing
was perfect too. Tonight, she needed to trust me. Today, she'd learn I
was always thinking about how to make her happy.
My happy vibe ended when Vaughn appeared on the side of the house.
He crossed his arms and frowned at me.
"I'm giving you the keys to my place, but I'm not happy about it."

"If this is where you threaten me if I hurt her, I already got the speech
from her dad."
Cooper came up behind me. "We want what's best for Harlow."
"You two are making aggressive moves. Didn't Kirk teach you how to
play with killers?"
"Excuse me?" Cooper grumbled.
"You're standing behind me. He's in front of me. That's attack mode. A
guy like me will feel threatened and kick your asses or more likely pull
a weapon. You should be more aware of the signals you send out, just
in case the next guy isn't a gentle giant like me."
"What would be the proper way to stand?" Vaughn asked, sounding
genuinely curious.
"You both in front of me, but not lined up. One a little farther back than
the other, so it doesn't look like you're ganging up on me. Gives the
person you're talking to a false sense of security."
Cooper walked around me then stood directly in front of Vaughn.
"Better?" he asked, struggling not to laugh at Vaughn's irritated
grunt.
"Sure. Now I think you're his enemy, not mine." Vaughn leaned his
chin on Cooper's shoulder. "Yeah, this works." Cooper rolled his eyes.
"We want Harlow protected. In Ellsberg, she is."
"We're in Ellsberg," I pointed out.
"You're planning to leave. It's why you checked into a hotel rather than
rent a place."
"I figure I'll stay for the summer. Like a vacation."
Cooper glanced at the front of the house where a car pulled into the
driveway. When he looked back at me, his demeanor shifted.
"You'd have a place here, if you wanted one."
I gave him a nod. "I'm not a club guy and I've never done the team
thing. I might have to change that though."
My gift for Harlow arrived in a black Suburban driven by two trained
killers I hoped would soon be my business partners. For now, Troy and
Minka acted as lackeys doing delivery runs.
Cooper and Vaughn tensed immediately at the approaching people,

but I waved them off.
"Are they friends of yours?" Cooper asked.
"They're delivering a gift for Harlow. Keep your testosterone in
neutral, guys. Minka bites."
Walking out of the backyard to the front driveway, I smiled at golden
boy Troy and his exotic partner Minka. She was glancing around the
suburban oasis as if on another planet.
"Why?" Minka asked, shaking her head.
"A chick."
Minka smiled, but Troy looked uneasy about Cooper and Vaughn
being joined by Dylan and Judd.
"I had it wrapped," Minka said, handing me the package. "You're
welcome."
Setting the gift in the backseat of my SUV, I smiled. "Harlow will like
this. Thanks."
"Do we get to meet her?" Minka asked, craning her neck to look past
me. "Is she a blonde or brunette?"
"Once I talk her into moving to Houston, you two can be best friends.
Until then, I'd suggest you leave before the Reapers crew gets curious."
Troy snorted. "I think we can handle bikers."
"True, but I'm hoping to marry into the family. Bloodbaths aren't
welcome, so leave."
Giving me a grin finally, Troy sighed. "You have a way with words.
See you in Houston."
I watched them before I turned to find Cooper and his boys exuding
scary killer vibes. Laughing was a bad choice, but I couldn't help
myself. These guys needed to get out of town more.
"No worries," I said, walking past them. "They've promised to leave
town without shooting anyone. Didn't get a promise about stabbing
though."
"Funny. Who are they?" Cooper asked, following me. "They do what I
do," I said then added, "Just not as well." I reached the deck where the
women chatted in between bouncing babies. Harlow looked up at me
and smiled in the most beautiful way.

She owned my heart, but I didn't feel like a chump for being her slave.
Who could argue with such a smile?
"Ready to eat?" she asked, gesturing towards the grill where Aaron
flipped burgers.
"Sure, but is there anything else to do in Ellsberg besides grilling?"
Harlow stood up and hugged me. "No, not really." "Hey, that's not
true," Raven grumbled. "We have bars and shit." I took the plate Aaron
handed me then sat down with Harlow. "So you eat and drink."
"We fuck a lot too," Judd said. "What more do you need?" Everyone
laughed except Vaughn who sidled up to me. "Can you
bowl?"
Noticing the others roll their eyes, I remembered Harlow saying
Vaughn was a little nuts about bowling. The competitiveness shined
from his blue eyes. I met it with my own. Bowling was one of my many
skills and I might have finally found my match.

Chapter Thirty Nine ~ Harlow
Rafael settled down an hour after we arrived at Vaughn and Raven' s
house. I think it was all the beef. He stopped acting like the odd man
out and learned to relax with the crew. By the time Tucker, Maddy, and
Scarlet arrived, Rafael was in the front shooting hoops with the other
guys. I sat with the girls, enjoying the sweaty view.
As curious as I was about the people who stopped by, I was more
interested in getting Rafael to the cabin. My sex life was on many
minds too. In fact, Bailey pushed Winnie over so she could sit next to
me.
"Getting porked tonight, huh?"
"Oh, yeah," I said with a bit too much enthusiasm.
The girls laughed at me, but I didn't care. Rafael made me brave in a
way therapy and martial arts classes never could.
Winnie stood up, pushed Bailey over, and sat next to me again. "Are
you nervous?"
"Of course."
"It'll probably hurt," Bailey said. "He's a big guy. I think you get my
meaning."
I glared at her, but she only grinned.
"Try getting drunk," Raven suggested. "Relax those muscles." "I don't
need advice."
Raven frowned at me. "This guy is making you arrogant. Good thing I'
m not in the position to kick your ass. Really good thing."
Rubbing her stomach, I asked, "Why, Raven, are you preggers? I hadn'
t heard."
"This guy's a bad influence," Raven grumbled, but I saw her wanting to
smile. "Just be bossy with him in bed the way you are with everyone
else everyday."
Bailey nodded. "Remember to take notes too, so you can tell us all
about it."
"You guys can say all you want to freak me out, but it won't work.
Thanks to Saint, I'm flawless, bitches."

"Good for you," Farah said, breastfeeding Lily under a pink blanket.
"You should feel confident."
Bailey and Raven shook their heads in unison. "Kiss ass," Bailey
muttered.
Farah rolled her eyes. "Well your ranting wasn't helping." "I don't need
help," I pointed out. "Yet I prefer Farah's support to your jealousy."
I knew that comment would set off Bailey and I was right. She jumped
up and looked around for Nick. When she saw him wiping sweat from
his forehead, she pointed.
"My man is hot. Really fucking hot. I have no reason to be fucking
jealous," Bailey bitched then yelled at Nick, "Baby, show off your
muscles."
Nick waved as if he hasn't heard her. Bailey narrowed her eyes, but he
just smiled and returned to playing basketball. Sitting down, she
grunted.
"He's plenty hot. Trust me."
"I know. I saw him fight at the Thunderdome," I said and Bailey took
the bait.
"Were you checking out my man?"
Laughing, I leaned my head against Winnie who grinned. "It's like she
comes with an instruction manual."
"Whatever. You're jealous, not me," Bailey muttered. "Fuck you
anyway."
When everyone laughed, Bailey joined in, but I knew she was wishing
Nick flashed some skin. She was big into showing off his hotness. I
always figured she was weird. Except I wanted everyone to see how
sexy Rafael was now too. Fortunately, he pulled off his sweaty tee and
I no longer cared why the girls were laughing. I only saw him.
An hour later, the game ended and we said our goodbyes. Driving
away, I held the keys to the cabin as if they were the keys to my
happiness.
"Who won?" I asked Rafael who drove us to the hotel to clean up and
pack for the cabin.
"I don't know. Hell, I think I changed teams more than once. It was

chaos."
I grinned. "You sound like a happy kid."
Rafael shared my smile. "It was fun once everyone stopped playing
'whose dick is bigger?'"
"Tawny said some people you knew showed up."
"They're contractors like me, looking to settle down and start a security
business. You'll meet them in Houston whenever we're ready to move."
"Why didn't they stay?"
Rafael gave me a look that said he didn't want to lie, but the truth wasn't
happening. I leaned back and smiled. "Rumor has it the girl is hot."
"Met Minka years ago and could have fallen in love, yet I didn't. Do I
have to say more?"
"No. I'm well aware you're my bitch."
Rafael laughed in a great way and I couldn't help laughing too. The rest
of the drive involved me teasing him about how I had mind control
abilities. I'd made him wear that white tee because it fit him so snug. I
was the reason he wanted extra sauce on his burger because I loved
watching him lick his lips and fingers. Oh, and I was why he took off
his shirt during the game. He was my personal pinup doll.
Rafael endured my teasing, but managed to shut me up by walking out
of the bathroom after his shower wearing only a towel around his waist.
I imagined us alone at the cabin and my hands exploring his dark skin
and hard muscles. When I shivered, he smiled.
"You forced me to do this with your mind."
"Huh? I was distracted by my drool."
Still grinning, Rafael grabbed his clothes and returned to the bathroom
to get dressed. I put my hormones in neutral and finished packing for
the two days we planned to spend at the cabin.
We stopped by the grocery store for supplies like sandwiches, chips,
and Gatorade. I was so relaxed, just until we actually pulled up to the
cabin and I realized I wasn't dreaming anymore. This was really
happening.
Rafael knew I was nervous since I wasn't exactly subtle. He carried

in the bags and food while I refused to leave the SUV. Once everything
was inside, Rafael attempted to open my door, but I locked it. He just
smiled and hit the unlock button. I tried to lock it again, but he was too
fast.
"It's good for you to get your panic attack out of the way now rather
than when I have you spread eagle on the bed, moaning that Bob is the
best lover ever."
Gripping my seatbelt, I fought both a grin and the urge to cry. "I can't."
Rafael wrapped his fingers around the back of my neck and massaged
gently. "Am I Playboy? Will I ever make you do something you don't
want to do?"
I shook my head.
"Don't I love you and want to create a life with you? A life I'd ruin by
hurting you."
"I know, but..."
"You need to see me," he said, cupping my cheek with his free hand
and forcing me to look at him. "You aren't scared of me. You're not
scared of being alone for the weekend. You've been alone with me
plenty of times. You're scared of the past, but those memories can't hurt
you."
I looked into his dark eyes and knew he was right. The panic wasn't
about sex with Rafael, but sex period. I was thinking of how much it
hurt with Playboy and his friends. Those memories had nothing to do
with this day with Rafael. I had power now. Rafael loved me. How
many times could he have pushed me to fuck him when I wasn't ready?
Dozens of times, but he waited. We weren't ready for sex those nights.
We were now though.
Rafael held his hand out as I slid out of the SUV. We walked into the
cabin with his arm wrapped around me.
"Cute," he said, shutting the door. "Very countrified." "I like your
backhanded compliments."
Rafael leaned down and kissed me quickly. "I need to put away the
food."
As he gave me a chance to calm myself, I looked around the

cabin's large open family room and kitchen.
"Vaughn wants to build a second floor for the big brood him and Raven
have planned."
"Makes sense. This place won't fit many people."
I stared at Rafael's back as he organized the fridge with our food and
drinks. Seeming so casual, I knew he was wearing his Average Joe
mask. Nothing about him was average though. Yet letting down his
guard scared him even more than it did me.
"I love you," I said and he glanced at me over his shoulder. "Not just
because you love me. I'd love you even if you thought I was nothing."
"Would you stalk me like a lovesick puppy?" he teased, shutting the
fridge. "Would you make a shrine to me in your room?"
"I'd plaster the walls with your pictures and touch myself while looking
at them."
His casual smile faded. "I have a shrine of you in here," he whispered,
tapping his head. "I've never needed anyone like I need you. If you left
me, I'd follow. I'd kill any man you wanted. That way, you'd be
desperate enough to come back to me."
"That's the craziest fucking thing I've ever heard," I said, pulling off my
shirt. "I better not run then. I'd hate for a bunch of innocent men to get
slaughtered for checking out my ass."
Turning around, I wiggled my ass at him. Rafael moved so quickly I
didn't realize he was behind me until he lifted me into his arms.
"I'm looking to play. If you can handle more, we'll do more. If not, we'll
wait. Whatever we do, I need to hear you moan my name."
"Oh, Bob," I murmured.
Rafael carried me down the hall, looking for the bedroom. He grinned
at my comment then lightly tossed me on the bed.
"When we're married, you'll be Mrs. Robertson."
"You don't want to marry me," I said, kicking off my sandals. "I hate
cooking and cleaning. I' m grumpy in the morning and evenings. I've
been known to be grumpy in the afternoons too."
"I know all that stuff," he murmured, wiggling my shorts off my
hips.

"No," I grunted when he reached for my panties. "I want you to get
naked first. You can finally strip down and stretch out."
Rafael gave me a sly grin, causing my skin to break out in goosebumps.
After setting his gun on the table, he removed his shirt then kicked off
his tennis shoes and socks before finally shoving down his shorts and
briefs in one swift movement.
Exhaling softly, I took in the awe-inspiring sight of so much flesh. My
gaze lifted to meet his. He waited to see if my panic returned.
"You're very pretty," was all I could think to say.
Laughing, Rafael crawled over me and devoured my lips. I leaned back
and relaxed under the weight of his strong body. Like a man starving,
his kisses came fast and deep. I savored the addictive taste of him.
When he pulled away his lips, I arched to find them again. Rafael only
smiled.
"There is only you and me. No one exists outside this cabin. Not our
families. Not our pasts. I don't want you to think about the future either.
Only see us right here and know we're meant to be together."
"I do."
"You're shaking." "I'm excited."
Rafael smiled then rolled off me and lifted my body on top of his.
Before I spoke, he pulled me down for a kiss. I met his need hungrily.
Without thinking, I slid up and down so my nipples grazed the hairs on
his chest. I heard my panties tear and Rafael's fingers tested my pussy.
"Are you wet?" he asked. "Are you ready for me?"
"Yes," I moaned.
"Not even close," he teased, tugging me upward and sucking a nipple
into his mouth.
"Yes," I moaned again, so happy I wasn't saying no.
Rafael ran his tongue back and forth between my nipples while I
pressed my pussy down on his hand. My hips slowed as he slid a finger
inside me. By the second finger, I was ready to come. Rafael sucked
hard at one of my nipples while tugging on the other. Rolling my hips
faster, I ached for relief. I was so close, but couldn't find my way to an
orgasm.
Closing my eyes, I thought of Rafael's thick cock thrust into me,

making me forget all other men. I imagined his face when he came
inside me.
I came hard, crying out frenzied babble. I might have even used all
three of his names. I felt better than I had in my life and we were just
getting started.

Chapter Forty ~ Saint
Harlow opened up for me like a woman with no past, fear, or damage.
Resting on her back, she smiled and the warmth in her eyes
strengthened my resolve. Harlow made me powerful and whole. I
wasn't the innocent young man destroyed by time in a Mexican prison.
I wasn't the angry man wanting to burn the world to keep it from
burning him. I was someone new because Harlow trusted me.
Pressing the head of my cock against her pussy, I studied her face.
Every inch opened her more, yet her eyes held their relaxed smile. Only
when she couldn't take more of me did she exhale and close her eyes in
relief.
"You're so wet," I said and her eyes opened.
Tits lifting with quick excited breaths, she whispered, "I want you to
fuck me. I want it so bad."
Harlow ached to let go after so many years holding back. She wanted to
feel without shame. I needed the same release.
Pulling back my hips, I watched my slick cock slide from her body. I
thrust back inside, slowly at first, finding a rhythm. I studied Harlow's
expression as I moved faster and harder. She didn't panic, instead
smiling and biting her bottom lip.
"Fuck," she murmured. "Don't hold back."
"Are you sure?" I asked, thrusting harder.
Groaning, Harlow nodded. "More. You're hiding from me. Let go. I
promise I'm ready."
Propping myself over her, I bucked my hips faster. Harlow held onto
my forearms and wrapped her legs around my hips. Seeing her smile, I
let go. Fucking her hard and fast, I was close to finding release, but I
didn't want to come. The pleasure was too intense and I never wanted to
stop. My body refused to listen though.
Harlow caressed my face as I caught my breath. She looked at me
fascinated and I wondered why.
"You are so young sometimes," she said softly. "It makes me love

you more."
Without understanding what she meant, I only knew her words made
me feel like a man rather than a killer. More human than monster.
With me still resting on top of her, Harlow wrapped me in her arms
while her feet teased my ass.
"Tonight, we play until our bodies don't work anymore," she said,
kissing my face, neck, and shoulders. "I'm fearless and I don't want to
stop."
My cock twitched inside her, craving more pleasure. Harlow's pussy
reacted by tightening around my cock, sucking at it until I was propped
over her again.
"Yes," Harlow murmured.
Smiling, I thrust hard and deep. An hour or two passed where the only
break was to change positions. Doggy-style was a particularly
pleasurable adventure with Harlow crying out for more five seconds
after she last came. I could only laugh and try to keep up.
Needing hydration, Harlow followed after me into the kitchen. Her
expression was fucking priceless and not only because she was
checking out my ass. Harlow was the picture of sex with her flushed
cheeks and bouncing tits.
"Love that butt," she giggled, pressing against me as I retrieved drinks
from the fridge. "I love this too."
I let out a low groan as she stroked my very pleased cock. "Drink up, so
you won't pass out on me."
Harlow let go of my cock so she could take the Gatorade. Sitting on the
couch, she grimaced slightly.
"Wore you out?"
"Staked your claim," she said, smiling. "I can still feel you inside
me."
I sat on the couch next to her and muttered, "Shit. I'm not sure if I' ll be
able to keep up with you." "Liar."
I gave her a little grin. My cock betrayed me, revealing how ready I was
for more. We drank less than half of the Gatorades before Harlow
straddled me. My fingers found her wetter than I expected, yet she

groaned painfully when lowering her pussy over my cock.
"I love you," I whispered, brushing away the hair from her shoulders. "I
need nothing more than for you to love me back."
Her eyes tired, Harlow still smiled softly. "I feel the same way. I still
want to fuck though. It makes me feel powerful and free. Well you
make me feel that way, but you know."
Harlow took my hands and placed them on her tits. As I teased her
nipples, she held onto my shoulders and rolled her hips. Taking her
time, Harlow tried different rhythms. I watched her face, studying the
way she learned to take charge. Despite her new confidence, she
couldn't find what her body hungered for until I stroked her clit.
"Yes."
"Say please," I demanded.
Harlow narrowed her eyes, refusing to give in. My fingers worked at
her clit until her expression softened.
"Please."
"Don't worry, baby. I'll let you make me beg later."
Laughing, Harlow kissed me and moved her hips faster. She tugged at
my hair, moving even faster. When I pinched her pink nipple hard,
Harlow bucked.
"Oh, Bob," she said, managing to mess with me even while coming
hard. "Fucking perfect, Bob."
Harlow rested her head in the crook of my neck, even as her hips never
stopped moving. I wrapped her in my arms and thrust into her. She
whimpered before latching onto my throat and sucking like a hungry
vampire. Holding her tight, I came inside her while she left a big juicy
hickey on my neck.
After catching our breath, we simply watched each other. I couldn't
believe how different my life would be if I hadn't spooked this amazing
woman in the woods. Would I have seen enough of her during the
paintball matches to know what I was missing without her? Likely not.
God kept me from losing my humanity in prison and during the years
when taking lives was my only pleasure. Now he brought me Harlow.
She saw all of me and didn't shrink away. She never even flinched.

We managed to get dressed and eat dinner on the front porch. The sun
was nearly hidden behind the trees when the woods came alive with
chirping. Soon the mosquitoes would descend upon us. Before then, we
enjoyed the warm evening.
"I have a present," I said after we'd eaten and slapped away too many
bugs. "Head inside and I'll get it from the car."
Harlow didn't like gifts. Her face made clear how presents made her
nervous, but she said nothing before disappearing inside. I walked to
the SUV, grabbed the box, and hurried into the cabin before I was eaten
alive by a squad of very hungry gnats.
"It's not a big deal," I said, sitting next to her on the couch. "Just
something I'd thought you'd like. No pressure if you hate it which I
know you won't."
Harlow held the gift, wrapped in silver paper with a shiny white ribbon
and bow. Looking better than I remembered, I owed Minka for going
the extra mile.
"It's beautiful," she whispered, opening it carefully.
A long moment passed between Harlow understanding what the gift
was and her reaction. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she
rested against me.
"How?" she asked, opening the photo album.
"I sent my friends to pay your aunt a visit. They collected all the
pictures she had and this DVD with a home video on it."
Harlow stared up at me with wet eyes. "You love me."
"More than you know." I kissed Harlow's lips gently then her damp
cheeks. "You deserve everything."
Smiling, she returned her gaze to the pictures. "I was so young. I
always remembering being older when my dad died."
"The mind plays tricks."
Harlow nodded and flipped the page. I watched her take in the pictures
of a family she barely remembered.
"I'm going to cry now, but it's not because I'm unhappy. I just..."
When she didn't finish, I caressed her forehead with my lips. "I know."
Harlow struggled against her sobs until finally relaxing in my arms.

She pointed to different pictures and told me about when they were
taken. Harlow sounded so damn sad that my heart broke thinking I'd
caused her pain. Yet she deserved to have these pictures even if they
brought her pain.
"My mom was fragile," she said, caressing a picture of her mother
holding Harlow as a toddler. "She seemed really strong on the outside,
but she wasn't. When Dad died, she couldn't cope. I know she tried, but
life was too hard without him and she fell apart. The drugs made the
pain go away. "
"Grief has destroyed even the strongest people."
"It hollowed her out. Maybe it was the drugs, but she looked so
different when she finally came back. That night she died, Mom looked
old. Like my mom was trapped in someone else's face. I didn't
recognize her at first. Of course, that might be because I was doped up
too."
My jaw twitched, but I kept my cool.
"I'm glad I don't remember much from that night. I wish I remembered
less. Mostly the blood. Also how my brother's fingers remained curled
around my hand even after he was dead."
"The mind latches onto the worst things, doesn't it?"
Nodding, she leaned her cheek against my arm. "Sometimes, I wish I
could forget everything before I moved in with the Todds, but I'd have
to forget my family. Like everyone else forgot them. They died and no
one cared. The world didn't even blink."
Holding her tighter, I sighed. "When I got back from Mexico, I thought
everything would be different. It was for me, but the world looked the
same. People had gotten married or had kids. Bought houses or moved
away. Life continued for everyone except me."
"We do it too. People right now are suffering and dying and we're going
on with our lives. In fact, I'm happier than I've ever been."
I couldn' t help smiling. "I keep waiting for me to lose control again.
With you, I should be overwhelmed with all these feelings. I should be
thinking crazy, but I'm calm. I know what I want and I'll wait for it. I
will also kill anyone who stands in my way. Everything is very clear to
me."
Harlow cuddled closer to me. "I love when you make crazy threats.

My nipples got hard and everything."
"Why don't I carry you to bed and kiss away those tears. How do your
nipples feel about that?"
Setting aside the album, Harlow climbed into my lap and wrapped her
arms around my neck.
"We shouldn't take any chances. You should make those threats while
fucking me."
I stood up and carried her to the bedroom. "The good news is I'm an ace
student. You just tell me what you need and I'll give it to you."
Harlow made a noise somewhere between a squeal and moan. In this
place with this woman, we were just two people in love. Nothing would
ever be allowed to interfere with this simplicity. Even if it meant
spilling blood.

Chapter Forty One ~ Harlow
Feverish dreams left me tired on our last morning at the cabin. Yet I
awoke wanting Rafael inside me. Almost as if I feared this amazing
feeling might end once we returned to the hotel.
More than willing to oblige my morning hunger, Rafael fucked me
lazily. I came twice before he finally relented.
"That's how you make sure a girl wakes with a smile," he said, his cock
twitching inside me.
"Will you fuck me like this when we' re at the hotel?" "Is that a real
question?"
I shrugged while he rolled off me, just enough to reach for a drink. We
each took a gulp then I sighed.
"It's easy to forget the world out here."
"The world isn't the problem, Harlow. The problem has always been
the scars inside us. We take them with us wherever we go, but they're
less painful now. At least, they are for me. I can think about Mexico
without feeling rage. I can let myself remember the smell and heat of
the cell, but I don't lose myself now. You keep me anchored. You'll do
that at the hotel or in Houston or anywhere else we go in life."
I stared at him in awe that this incredible man loved me. If I were him,
I'd choose someone better in every way. Yet he wanted me. Grabbing
onto my good luck, we didn't leave the bed for another half hour.
After a shower, we drank coffee and ate bagels on the porch. Inside the
cabin, the bedding ran through the wash. I'd tried to de-sex the house as
much as possible, but Vaughn and Raven knew why I wanted the cabin.
They couldn't act shocked now, could they? Of course, the impending
teasing was inevitable.
"My mom will want you to call her mom," Rafael said, finishing his
second cup of coffee and third bagel. "She always wanted a daughter.
You should expect a lot of smothering."
I smiled. "I'm pretty good at hugs. I never offer them first, so tell

her I'm not a bitch if I hold back."
"She won't think that. Mom will be so happy I have a woman. You
could be a raging monster and she'd still love you. My behavior over
the years has caused the bar to be set really low. You're welcome."
Laughing, I reached over and caressed his cheek. "You're so damn
smart."
"I nabbed you, didn't I?"
Again, I imagined someone better for Rafael. A tall lanky woman with
exotic looks to match his and a knowledge of the world I lacked. The
morning sun shined against his rich skin, making me feel small and
ordinary in comparison. Those dark eyes held a hint of humor as he
thought of his mom. No doubt, his family would wonder the same thing
I did. Why had Rafael settled for me?
"Mom loves making her world famous jambalaya which is nearly
inedible. You'll have to pretend it's great though."
"I've never eaten jambalaya before. I'm sure I'll like it."
"No, you won't," he stressed. "It's awful. She drowns it in black pepper
and cayenne. I don't know how she can't tell it's awful. We all pretend
it' s great because the recipe was handed down in her family for
generations. The problem is somewhere along the way, something in
the recipe got jacked and now it's terrible. No one has the heart to admit
it to Mom though. She's too proud of keeping the tradition alive."
"My mom makes this one casserole that is super healthy, but tastes
awful. We lie and eat it up then pray she doesn't make it for a while. I've
got the fake smiles down. An iron stomach too."
Rafael studied me then a smile slid across his face. "My family is going
to love you. Don't worry."
"I' m not," I lied, but he was onto me. "My family is iffy towards you. I
think it's the killer thing."
"I' m here for at least the summer, possibly longer depending on what
you need. They'll have plenty of time to warm to my charms."
"No hurry, right?"
"Not even a little bit of a hurry."
I shared his smile. "Once the bedding is done drying, we can return to
town and have a non-sandwich meal."

"You're very uppity," he teased, going back inside to get more coffee.
"After you have some of that jambalaya, you'll be dying for
sandwiches."
Laughing again, I imagined a life with Rafael away from Ellsberg,
family, and friends. Not the friendliest person, how would I make new
friends? Would anyone besides Rafael like me? He wanted to start a
business, but I wasn't equipped to help run it or do security
assignments. I was only a blue belt in karate.
Rafael suddenly stood next me. "Come inside so I can fuck that anxiety
right out of you."
"The bed is stripped down, so we can't defile it again."
"How about we defile the couch then?" he asked, tugging me to my
feet. "And the kitchen counter too?"
"Oh, Bob, you sure know how to sweet talk," I whispered, running my
fingers through the dark hairs on his forearm.
Rafael leaned down and nuzzled one of my cheeks then the other. "I
can't believe how good it feels. There's fucking then there's what we
have. I can't get enough."
My hands crept into his shirt and stroked his nipples, making him
shiver. "You've turned me sex crazed. Let's go defile some shit."
Rafael snorted at my enthusiasm, but kept pace while I pulled him into
the cabin. We stripped by the couch where I rested on my knees before
glancing back at his naked perfection.
"This is an ass a man could write poems about," he said, caressing one
cheek before sliding his cock against my pussy.
I wasn't wet enough, so Rafael leaned down and took a deep lick.
"Hell," I whimpered as his fingers pinched my nipples. "Don't
wait."
Rafael gently bit my ass cheek then I felt his cock against teasing and
testing my pussy. Finding me ready, he pushed deep inside of me until
I was full.
"Ready, baby?" he asked, wrapping my hair in his hand.
I gave him a smile and he moved his hips fast and rough. We fucked
hard once then moved to the laundry room where I moved the bedding
to the dryer. Once the machine was rocking, I found myself

sitting on it with Rafael back inside me.
After the bedding finished drying, I made the bed then wiped down any
surfaces my bare ass sat on.
"I wouldn't worry so much," Rafael said as I went at the couch with
disinfecting spray.
"Maybe, but Vaughn saved my life. I don't want to leave his cabin. you
know, um. sexed up or whatever."
"Good point. He did save your life," Rafael said, kissing the top of my
head. "You missed the corner."
Smiling, I sprayed until choking on the apple cinnamon scent. We
finished packing up then head to the SUV. I stood at the door, holding
my photo album with the DVD inside.
"This was the best two days of my life."
Rafael wrapped me in my arms. "And it's just beginning. Imagine once
we get the hang of this love and sex thing."

Chapter Forty Two ~ Saint
Vaughn held a bowling ball in one hand and wore a wild smirk on his
face. Next to him, Raven stared at me through narrowed eyes while
nodding as if I was in deep shit. Suffice to say, I laughed. What the hell
else was I supposed to do?
"Bring it, little man," Vaughn said, staring up at me.
I retrieved one of the balls from the ball return and looked it over. "My
grandfather started taking me to the alley when I was four. We went
every week until I was so good I could've gone pro. Only reason I didn't
was I was too damn pretty."
Glancing back at Harlow, I found her grinning while cuddled next to
Winnie on a bench. I returned my gaze to Vaughn.
"Let's go, ponytail."
We played for two hours, but Vaughn was ready to go for another few.
He claimed I was the first competition he'd enjoyed besides Raven.
Dylan disputed this fact and proved he was quite the bowler.
Meanwhile, the rest of the crew showed little interest in doing more
than goofing off at the tables nearby. Jace and Sawyer were the only
other ones interested in bowling, but they sucked.
I offered to help Jace improve. He pretended to agree, but remained
scared of me. I didn't blame him. I'd be scared of a guy like me too.
Sawyer wasn't afraid though and yanked at my arm to help her and
Jace.
By the end of the game, Vaughn was my new best friend and greatest
enemy. Raven said I should take it as a compliment. Harlow said
Vaughn needed to get another hobby. Raven rubbed her baby bump.
Harlow rolled her eyes. Their bickering went on for a long time, only
interrupted whenever Bailey hugged Harlow and congratulated her
again for getting porked.
In Ellsberg with Harlow, these people were a package deal. I couldn't
have her without them, so I made friends for the first time since high
school.
The next few weeks, Harlow and I fell into a routine. We spent our

mornings at the club gym. Sometimes, Nick would join us. Other times,
Judd and Vaughn did. Later, Harlow spent time at her house with Jace
or at Winnie's place. While she enjoyed family time, I ran drills with
Cooper and his main guys.
In Kirk's day, hard and fast fighting worked fine. The world was
changing though. Cooper was taking over in a time when low-level
losers wielded high power weapons. Gangs from the West Coast now
worked throughout the country, bringing assault weapons with them.
The old ways of fighting might not be enough to keep Cooper on top.
I taught them the counter-insurgency techniques I'd learned over the
years. Every day even in the rain, we trained in the woods around
Kirk's house. I showed the guys different weapons and explosives.
Mostly, I wanted them to learn a soft touch when dealing with the
enemy. Not everything was crashing through doors and wielding bats.
Tucker never caught on. He couldn't do soft and had the loudest
footsteps even on plush carpet. Cooper wasn't much better, but I knew
he' d practice until he had it figured out. Vaughn and Dylan showed a
lot of potential, but Judd was the one I considered snagging from
Cooper's employment. The guy mimicked my every movement. He
was like a ghost in the woods, silently disappearing only to reappear in
attack mode. As much as I wanted to snatch him up, he was happy in
Ellsberg.
The town never truly felt comfortable for me though. With my size and
dark skin, I stood out among the lily-white residents. People learned
my name, waving at me on the streets. Everyone seemed to know my
story. I was Bob who was marrying Pastor Tad's daughter. No, the
older one. He's a businessman from out of town, they'd tell each other
while I stood nearby.
I missed being anonymous.
Harlow was worth any discomfort. With her, I slept better than I had in
years. I felt lighter, yet stronger.
Every morning, Harlow awoke grumpy before remembering I was
lying next to her. A smile soon slid across her face and she reached for
me, wanting a sweaty morning wakeup.
She trusted me completely. I never saw a moment of fear in her eyes.
Not even when I lost my temper with some asshole at a bar and

nailed him in the throat. She stepped away from his falling body, but
otherwise remained calm. Harlow understood me. I wasn't a raging bull
and I would never hurt her. She was always safe with me. I saw this
understanding in her big beautiful eyes from the moment we woke up
to the last second before she fell asleep at night.

Chapter Forty Three ~ Harlow
Cooper's fondest memories growing up were the summers RVing with
his family. A daughter of his own now, he wanted to start a tradition for
Lily too, even if she was too little to remember it.
As the summer ended, the crew rented eight RVs while Kirk and Jodi
drove their own. With so many babies coming along, we planned a
short trip to Twin Knobs at Morehead. Nature, friends, family, and fun
were how Tucker put it before adding beer to the list.
Rafael couldn't hide how relieved he felt to get out of town. I both
loved and hated the childlike excitement on his face as we left Ellsberg.
All these weeks, he enjoyed hanging out with the crew. When not with
our friends and my family, we tried dozens of restaurants and explored
every nook of the small town. Through it all, he always seemed happy.
Yet Rafael needed more than Ellsberg offered.
As much as I loved my family, friends, and the town I called home, I
needed Rafael to be truly happy.
We arrived at the campground around noon. Everyone spent the next
few hours organizing supplies and taking care of babies. Rafael and I
mainly fucked until I could barely move.
Propping up my ass for him, I rested my chest on a pillow while Rafael
thrust hard into me, still hungry after hours with our bodies moving
together. I smiled at his possessive eyes and the way he wrapped my
hair around his hand. I was his and he'd kill to keep me.
Finally, Rafael relented. Though I sensed he wanted more, his body
needed rest. Mine was absolutely exhausted.
When I rolled over and sat cross-legged, Rafael's gaze focused on my
naked body especially my still hard nipples
"I need a break," I said, grinning.
"From me or my cock?"
"I hate hearing that word out loud. Can't you call it your sword of
pleasure?"
Rafael glanced down at his sword and nodded. "Sword, it is."

"Shh," I whispered. "You'll wake it up and my vajayjay needs
rest."
"I'll do what I can, but you and the sword have a special bond." Taking
his hand, I grinned. "Let's stop talking about your dick,
okay?"
"If you think you can."
I laughed despite needing to be serious. "I want to talk." "About
feelings?" he asked, rolling to his side and giving me a different
delicious angle to enjoy.
"About moving to Houston. That's still where you want to go,
right?"
Rafael's expression never changed, but my words caught him off guard.
"It's less than a three hour flight to see your family," he finally
said.
"Vacation is over."
"Why now?"
"It's time."
Rafael nodded. "We can get a little place in Ellsberg. That way we can
visit a lot without the sword of pleasure going without. Unless your
parents want to change their rule about married children playing in
their house."
"No, my parents wouldn't appreciate your sword's constant needs."
"Tell me about it," he said, glancing at where his cock thickened. "If I
need to take care of it without you, I'll manage. Especially if you're
willing to moan and wiggle for visual effect."
Grinning, I crawled off the bed. Rafael's disappointed expression was
hilarious. I wasn't leaving though, but turning around. Resting on my
stomach, I studied his sword.
"Are you patient enough to let me learn?" I asked, licking the head of
his cock. Grinning when it twitched at my touch, I glanced at him.
"With Playboy, he just jammed it down my throat. I'm not doing that."
Rafael's expression barely shifted, yet I felt his anger. Fingers tracing
my jaw, he struggled with his temper.
"You said you'd train me," I said, arching an eyebrow.

"Let me see your technique."
Grinning, I gently held the base of his already hard cock. My tongue
danced around the head. At first, I lacked coordination and felt stupid,
yet his soft exhales encouraged me to keep going. Finding a rhythm
between my stroking hand and sucking lips, I shivered at how Rafael
caressed my hair. Even with his hunger and the lingering anger at my
mention of Playboy, he was so tender. Careful like a man who never
suffered from any control issues. With me, he was perfection.
Once I sucked him dry, Rafael offered to repay me. I was tired in a
wonderful kind of way. I'd never felt so grown up as when we rested
together in the warm RV bedroom. The time had come to build
something new with the man I loved.
Nostalgia hit me the next day. Without them knowing, I was saying
goodbye to my friends and little sister. In the evening, we sat by the fire
and talked about random things. Kirk told stories about when his kids
were young. Mostly, he enjoyed regaling about their stupidity. Sawyer
laughed the loudest, often pointing at Bailey who held her middle
fingers permanently up. The sisters finally settled down and roasted
marshmallows. Nick seemed especially interested in this activity,
making me wonder if this was his first time around the campfire.
"I can imagine us still doing this in ten years. Hell, twenty years,"
Cooper said with Lily asleep against his chest.
Vaughn wrapped an arm around Raven. "We'll need a giant RV for all
the kids we're planning."
"Sure," Maddy said. "You think that now before the baby is born and
you're up all night changing diapers. Let's see what you say after this
first one gets colic."
Smiling, Vaughn sighed. "Not going to stop us. We've made a pact to
increase the number of hot people in the world by breeding a lot."
Bailey looked up from where she was resting her head on Nick's thigh.
"What if your kid is ugly? Like it has all your worst features instead of
your best ones. When I smash your two faces together in my head, I' m
not seeing beauty queen. Just saying."
"I bet you a million dollars our kids are better looking than yours,"
Raven growled, looking overheated and bloated.

"It's on!"
Nick shook his head. "I'm not covering that wager. Besides, who would
be impartial enough to judge?"
"Winnie will do it," Bailey decided.
"No, not even if I got a percentage of the payout."
Bailey rolled her eyes. Before she chimed in again, Cooper cleared his
throat.
"They have some really pimped out RVs. Even nicer than Pop's," he
said, grinning at his dad who sat next to Jodi with Sawyer on his lap.
"Comfortable for long trips since driving a few hours and staying in
Kentucky isn't my idea of a real road trip."
Bailey wrapped Nick in her arms. "Grand Canyon should be next year.
You need to see it."
"Canada is nice too," Kirk said. "Hiking, fishing, lots of things to see
and do. People are pretty nice. Do you kids remember when we went to
the farm where they made syrup? You all got so hyper from the candy
the woman gave you that you didn't sleep for a day."
Tucker laughed the loudest, making me think he ate the most candy that
day. As much fun as everyone had sharing stories, babies began
fussing. First, Lark and Aaron's twins made a stink about the heat and
mosquitoes. Soon, Scarlet threw a major toddler tantrum. Lily slept
through it all until Sawyer claimed to see a bear and screamed loud
enough to bring nearby campers to check on us.
Bailey and Nick remained outside after everyone else fled from the
bugs into the cooler RVs. When I gave Winnie a goodnight hug, I
remained silent about my decision to leave for Houston soon. Rafael
noticed my silence on the matter.
"Best not to ruin the fun," he whispered later in bed while we moved
together in the darkness. "I can't imagine tears in this heat."
I fell asleep in Rafael's arms, knowing tomorrow would be the last day
I kept my decision secret. Just one more day to enjoy everyone happy
and together.
Having a taste for the outdoors, Rafael loved hiking. He told me how he
spent all day outside as a kid. From morning to well past dark, Rafael
played in the fields around his home. Sometimes, he played with

other children. Usually, he preferred to spend his time alone, so he
could play at his own pace. Even as a kid, Rafael didn't like anyone
bossing him around.
"It's because you're an only child," I teased the next day while walking
next to him along the path. "Spoiled rotten."
Rafael laughed loudly, gaining the attention of Vaughn and Judd
behind us. They stopped cussing at each other long enough to give us a
weird look. Judd hitched Tawny a little higher on his back then
continued walking. When she'd gotten tired, he didn't want her going
back without him. Now he was her pack mule.
On our last night in the park, Tawny came up with the idea of giving the
parents in the group an evening to themselves. Those couples without
kids would each take a child. Bailey immediately claimed Sawyer who
immediately freaked out until she realized Nick was part of the deal.
The rest of the pairings weren't nearly as dramatic.
Tawny and Judd took their niece Lily. Raven and Vaughn snatched up
their niece Phoebe. Winnie decided to take Scarlet since she didn't
think we'd be capable of handling the little firecracker. Saint and I
ended up with Leo who wasn't thrilled to leave Lark. He screamed for a
half hour while I bounced him in the RV.
"I never want kids," I muttered to Rafael who nodded.
Fifteen minutes after my declaration, Leo settled down and rested on
the bed. I sat crossed-legged next to him with Rafael on the other side.
Every time the pacifier popped out of Leo's mouth, Rafael pushed it
back in.
"Babies are cute," I announced. "We should have one." "I want to name
him something French."
"Why?" I balked.
"Mom's family comes from Haitian Creole and she always enjoyed
French names. I was supposed to be Pierre, but Dad overruled her."
I knew laughter was immature, but my giggles refused to be subdued.
As I toppled over laughing, Rafael looked at the curly haired baby.
"Good thing my name isn't Pierre, huh, Leo?"
I sat up, wiping my eyes. "I can't see you as a Pierre."

"What did you think my name was before I told you?" "Steele.
Remington. Something to that effect. Ooh, maybe Bond." Rafael rolled
his eyes. "Bond. You'd want to name our son after a manslut?"
"Oh, yeah, he is a slut, isn't he?"
"Yeah and Remington is out too. My mom would never stop laughing."
"Sorry, but Francois ain't happening, Bob."
Grinning, Rafael glanced down at Leo. "How about Claude?"
"I'd rather have Pierre," I snorted.
"I' m sure we can find a name that will satisfy my mother without
sending you into hysterics."
Resting on my side next to Leo, I played with his curls. "I hope our
baby has your wavy hair."
Rafael gave me a weird look and I figured I'd taken the baby talk too
far. His dark gaze held mine then he smiled.
"Tomorrow, we'll return this cherub to his parents and get started on
making our own little Pierre Remington."
"You're kidding, right?"
"No."
"Already?"
"Look, I've been kicked in the balls a lot in fights over the years. That
and I've spend way too much time in hot tubs, soothing my busted
balls. It's very possible we might take a long time to for my little
warriors to reach your omelet."
Laughing, I rolled my eyes. "Omelet?"
"My parents had me skip Sex Ed, so I don't know the technical terms."
"You're full of crap."
"I'm also full of little warriors looking for your sweet Cadburys."
My smile softened. "Do you really want to have a kid?"
"Life doesn't always go as planned, so why plan anything? Let's just do
what feels right and let God decide how things play out."
"You can't know how sexy you are when you do the wise man routine,"
I said, caressing his stubbled face.

Rafael returned the projectile pacified to Leo's mouth. The boy smiled
then spit it out again. A quick game ensued and I was fairly sure Rafael
lost.
We entertained the baby for hours in between feeding him. By the time
he crashed, I wasn't so sure I was ready for a ball of energy of my own.
Yet like Rafael said, life does what it wanted and we should be open for
anything. With him at my side, I would be.

Chapter Forty Four ~ Saint
Art wasn't a subject I enjoyed. I had no eye for colors or shapes. I
couldn't tell the difference between a work of artistry and a child's best
design. Lacking creativity, I couldn't imagine a finer tattoo in Harlow's
honor besides her name.
Fortunately, Aaron wasn't me.
I thought to put the design on my chest, but Aaron gently pointed out
Harlow's face would soon be covered in hair. No way did my woman
want a beard. Aaron suggested my back for the placement, but I wanted
to be able to see it easily. My first tattoo included Harlow's beautiful
face so I wanted it somewhere I could enjoy.
My left bicep and close to my heart was the perfect spot. Aaron's design
was a dreamcatcher with Harlow's face drawn in shadow in the middle.
Talking with Lark, Harlow remained with me in the shop. She
frequently peeked at Aaron's work then held my gaze in a way that
made my cock hard.
"Stop," I finally grumbled, uncomfortable enough sitting still for hours
without her working me into painful erection.
Harlow laughed followed by Lark. Once Aaron laughed, I asked my
woman to leave, so I could concentrate. She left, but not before giving
my cock a quick squeeze.
Harlow did more than squeeze my cock in bed that night. The tattoo
acted as an aphrodisiac, causing her to spend hours naked exploring
every inch of me. She even slept on a different side of the bed to ensure
she'd wake up looking at my arm.
Weeks later when my parents visited for the wedding, Mom was just as
impressed while Dad wished I'd done something more religious.
Standing tall and wide like the linebacker he once was, my father
looked dressed for church in a buttoned up shirt and black slacks
"Jesus died for your sins, Rafe. Couldn't you suffer a little for
him?"

Grinning, I tugged a nervous Harlow out from behind me. "My heart
got swept away. Can you blame me?"
Shaking his head, Dad smiled. "No. God clearly sent you a gift."
"Your heart has wonderful taste," Mom said, stealing Harlow away as
we headed to dinner.
Dad and I walked behind Mom, watching her black hair swing back
and forth in a ponytail. Holding Harlow's hand, she talked about how
wonderful a child I was growing up. My kids were sure to be the same.
After ten minutes, Mom was already talking grandbabies.
Ready to start our new life, I was no longer Saint or Bob Robertson. I
became Rafael Ramsey. Harlow even helped me choose the last name,
wanting something cool. She also thought Stephanie would appreciate
the alliteration.
A few days after my parents arrived in Ellsberg, Mom wept quietly
while I married Harlow in Tad's church. My dad played pastor while
Tad walked his daughter down the aisle. I wore a suit with no tie,
looking more casual than my parents. Harlow chose a simple blue dress
and sandals. While she hated all the attention, my parents needed me to
get married in a church. Her parents likely felt the same way. They
were just less dramatic about it.
With only the crew, Johanssons, and our families in attendance, my
dreamcatcher and I made our love official.

Epilogue ~ Harlow
I spent my last day in Ellsberg at Raven's baby shower. Mom came
along, wanting to stay close for as long as possible. Sitting between her
and Winnie at the party, I felt a depression sweeping over me. These
women were more than friends. They gave me strength. Would Rafael
be enough in Houston?
Raven was so excited about being a mom, but I wouldn't be in town
when River was born. I'd be gone the next time anything big happened
for the crew. I couldn't help my family with church or work with Jace
on his school assignments. Their lives would go on without me.
Rafael proved his patience during those next few weeks. I was a mess
on the flight to Houston, having never flown before. I missed my
family and cried constantly during our first night in the hotel. As days
passed, I spent all my time on the phone with Winnie and Mom.
Refusing to leave the apartment, I didn't want to look for a condo or
check out the office space Rafael found for his business. All I wanted to
do was return to Ellsberg.
Accustomed to being on his own, Rafael handled our new life without
my input. Lost in my depression, I began to believe he'd be better off if
I went home.
"Let's make a deal," he said a week after we arrived in Houston. "You
give me six months to get things organized here. Once I put my
company together, if you want to move back to Ellsberg, we will."
Cuddled in his arms, I felt torn between shock and hope. "But your
business is here."
"I can do a lot of it online, if need be. The people I work with don't need
handholding."
"You don't want to live in Ellsberg," I mumbled, feeling guilty.
Rafael smiled. "It's not bad for a redneck paradise. Just give me the six
months though. If you still don't like it here, we'll move to Ellsberg. I
promise."
"Six months."

"But you can't hide in the hotel room, Harlow," he said, kissing my
forehead. "You have to try. I know you're scared without your family
nearby. You're strong enough to do this though."
Studying his face, I sighed. "If you promise we can go home in six
months, I promise to try."
"I promise."
Rafael kept his promises and so did I. The next day, I joined him on the
search for a downtown condo. We found a brand new building
connected to a two-story grocery store. Rafael was in love. I'd be able
to shop and eat meals at the store's mezzanine floor without leaving the
safety of the property. The apartment complex provided security codes
for the elevator, so only those on the same floor could reach it. Our
view from the balcony wasn't much during the day. At night though,
the city came alive and we often enjoyed eating with the patio doors
open.
I helped Rafael organize his office in a large warehouse in an iffy area
of town. He had plenty of elaborate ideas. He wanted an indoor
shooting range. He also designed hidden rooms for weapons and spots
to act as fallback positions. Whatever he thought might happen, Rafael
prepared for war. He even paid the local gang to keep an eye on the
building. Most of all, he made clear to them and anyone else how
Ramsey Security wasn't a company to challenge.
Houston officially became my home when my family visited. Mom
made a huge deal out of the connected grocery store while Dad wanted
to try out all of the restaurants in walking distance. Winnie looked
around our condo then smiled at me. In that moment, she knew I wasn't
moving back to Ellsberg.
We visited often though. Our weekends in Alabama to see Rafael's
parents ended as soon as I got pregnant with our first baby. Celine and
Antonio bought a house in the Northern Houston suburbs. They didn't
want to miss a single grandparent moment.
Pregnancy was easy, but I feared the baby part. I even told Rafael we
should have waited. I'd only wanted a baby because I was competitive
with my friends. I wasn't ready!
"I'll take care of him once he's born," Rafael reassured me. "You can
just sit back while I do all the work."

Rafael wasn't kidding either. On day one, he swept Xavier into his arms
and kept him close for the next week at the condo. I hated breastfeeding
and the sound of the baby crying. I even second-guessed his name,
though Xavier was one of the few French names I liked. Miserable with
hormones and fatigue, I even hated Rafael a little bit.
Yet following him around the condo as he carried our little baby in his
big arms, I learned to chill out. My husband was hypnotic. Rafael
hummed songs I'd never heard before, soothing me along with Xavier.
Never seeming tired at all, he changed diapers, prepared bottles, and
cared for Xavier. I watched the man I loved with the baby we created
and craved to be close to both of them. Soon, I smiled more than I cried.
My hormones eventually calmed and I bonded with our son.
"You are an amazing father," I said, leaning against Rafael while
holding Xavier.
"I do have a way with babies. Kids have always loved me. Even in
Mexico, I was their favorite."
Rafael spoke of his time doing missionary work without the rage about
what came later. He hadn't forgotten his past, but learned to view that
time in a different way. I followed his lead, watching my family DVD
without feeling guilty to have survived. Bad things happened, but life
went on. Sometimes, the pain continued, tearing a person apart.
Occasionally though, an amazing person came along to heal the pain.

Epilogue -Saint
Harlow had no interest in running the offices at Ramsey Security. She
also lacked the killer instinct to go on assignments. For the first few
months in Houston, I didn't know if Harlow would find her place in our
new life besides standing at my side.
After a bumpy start, motherhood suited her. Family kept her sane all of
her life, first in Phoenix then in Ellsberg. Once in Houston, she focused
on me then the kids. She bonded easily with my parents. We also
visited Ellsberg once a month. As long as Harlow surrounded herself
with family, she excelled.
"Thank you," she whispered every night as we dozed off.
"Thank you more, dreamcatcher."
Her smile was the last thing I saw each night before we slept. Her bed
head was my first sight in the morning.
Xavier was born with a thick head of dark hair like mine. Yet he awoke
every morning with the same mess of hair like his mom. Often during
our breakfast runs next door to the store, Harlow and Xavier simply
wore hats to avoid dealing with their wild bed heads. I always made
sure to run my fingers through my well-behaved hair to ensure I
received a sexy pout from my wife.
Our life in the city was everything I'd hoped. I worked a lot from home
and spent most of my time with Harlow. My coworkers were like me,
wanting to settle down after years of spilling blood all over the world. I
no longer accepted dangerous assignments, instead playing bossman
and organizing jobs for the others. By the time Nadine was born, I
stopped looking over my shoulder so often. I was also ready to move to
the suburbs.
Harlow loved our condo and didn't particularly want to move. I smiled
when she listed all the reasons four people in a fifteen hundred foot
condo made sense. My woman always clung to what she knew.
A new build house wooed her away from the condo. We enjoyed
picking out flooring, paint, and other features. Mostly, I picked and she

agreed. Harlow had no eye for design. She was just curious at how an
empty plot turned into our dream house.
The plan was two kids, yet we fortunately overbuilt the house and
added extra bedrooms. Blessed with a boy and a girl, we had a child for
each of us to focus on when we traveled. As I told Harlow though, life
did what it wanted and planning often proved pointless.
Quentin was our last. I had a vasectomy afterwards, just to be sure. The
guys at the office teased me about getting neutered.
"When you're this much of a man," I told them, flexing my muscles,
"you have nothing to prove."
With our brood in tow, we often spent time in Ellsberg at a small house
we bought. Every summer, the crew played convoy with our RVs,
traveling farther each time. In Houston, I enjoyed Saturday date nights
with Harlow and Sunday dinners with my parents.
My life was damn near perfect. Those years in Mexico stained a decade
where all I knew was blood and violence. The next decade with Harlow
and our three little ones erased the pain that came before. They
reminded me of the beauty in the world and inside of me. Anchored in
the present with my dreamcatcher, I never suffered another fitful night.

About Bijou
Living in Indiana with my three sweet sons, two wacky cats, one super
mom (and her ugly dog), I love writing, cats, Denny's, 1970's rock,
Beanie Boos, and sitcoms cancelled before their time.
Website:

http://www.bijouhunterbooks.com/

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorBijouHunter

Twitter: https//twitter.com/BijouBooks
TSU:

https://www.tsu.co/AuthorBijouHunter

Email:

[e-mail]

Sign up for my mailing list to receive exclusive info on release dates,
cover reveals, and more:

http://www.bijouhunterbooks.com/mailing-list/