In My Dreams
Book Two
First Tracks
Kristen James
© 2016 Kristen James
www.facebook.com/WriterKristenJames
Also by Kristen James:
All in my Head, First Tracks series, Bk
1
Stranger in my Bed
More Than Memories, Bk 1
A Wedding to Remember, Bk 2
Embers of Hope, Bk 1
More Than a Promise, Bk 2
Costa Rica
In A Field of Oranges
Point Hope
A Cowboy for Christmas
First Tracks – When you get to leave
your mark on the fresh pow before
anyone else!
In My Dreams, Book Two
They can finally be together…right?
Avery almost lost Marcus while he was
in a coma. She couldn’t think past saving
him. Now that he’s awake, she can
finally see and touch him, but she can’t
hear his thoughts or feel his emotions
anymore. What if he doesn’t need her?
Marcus wants her to go back to Ashland
to catch up in college and fix things with
her friends. She’s not ready to face that
mess.
Marcus was a gold medalist in Sochi but
now he’s stuck in physical therapy,
dreaming of being with Avery and
returning to his life. Is his snowboarding
career over? Will he ever play his guitar
or draw again? And can he let Avery be
with someone who’s so damaged?
They’re together—but it’s not what they
expected. Marcus has a long recovery
ahead of him and Avery needs to put her
life back together. Can they make it in
the real world?
Prologue
(Included as an epilogue
in All in my Head)
Avery
I look like a maniac and I don’t
care.
I ran down the hospital hallway,
dodging people without apologizing,
tears running down my face and a guitar
bouncing against my back. My hair was
having a fantastically frizzy day due to
the weather, or maybe my crazy life, and
I felt it whipping around behind me. I
tore around a corner, my shoes sliding
before grabbing on.
I had to get to him right now.
He remembers me.
It’s okay.
Everything’s okay now.
If Marcus remembered me, then I
wasn’t schizophrenic and making all this
up. He had been in my head, sharing my
life, listening to every thought. People
would believe me now. He could tell his
parents, his sister, my friends—everyone
who thought I’d lost it.
It didn’t make any sense, but it was
true. It was true!
The room numbers were climbing
and I skidded to a stop, sliding past the
door. Grabbing the door jamb, I pulled
myself back and threw myself through
the doorway.
“Marcus!”
Four people stared at me, stopping
me in my tracks. This wasn’t the rush-in-
and-kiss-him that I’d imagined. His
parents stood by the door and Jen stood
next to the bed where Marcus laid. Tom
and Elaina shared a skeptical glance.
They had tossed me out as a crazy
stalker before, and now they glanced at
each other, not sure what to think. Tom
narrowed his eyes through his super
thick lenses. They were still worried I’d
hurt their son. His sister Jen started to
smile at me but the tension in the room
stopped her cold too.
I finally looked at Marcus. He had
his bed raised like he was waiting for
me.
“Avery. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I—”
He broke off and a smile flashed across
his face. “You brought my guitar.”
“Yeah… how many times have you
yelled at me to grab it?” I tried for a
laugh at my lame joke and set it on a
hospital chair. What could I say to him in
front of his family? Nervous, I stepped
past his parents and rushed to the bed,
avoiding their gazes.
“We’ll wait outside for a bit,” Jen
said, her voice cautious. And then,
thankfully, she herded her parents out of
the room. They were quiet until they
stepped out, and then their voices
mingled together and faded. At least they
weren’t standing right outside the door.
“Marcus,” I whispered, my voice
breaking as fresh tears filled my eyes. I
took a step closer to the bed but
something held me back. Did he still like
me, now that he could see me face to
face? Maybe I wouldn’t live up to the
fantasy. Maybe he just needed me
before, but not anymore, not when he had
his life and body back. I glanced down
at myself because I couldn’t even
remember what I was wearing.
What did he think? I couldn’t tell. I
couldn’t hear him.
“Ave?”
That prodded me into motion and I
walked to the edge of the bed. His light
amber brown eyes searched mine, asking
silent questions. He reached out to me
with his good arm—the other one sat in
a cast and sling. I took his hand, feeling
his warmth in a new way. He turned his
hand to entwine our fingers, then looked
down, confused. I watched his
expression and our hands, wondering if
he felt weak after being in the coma.
“Marcus.” It felt so good to say his
name and see him here with me like this.
I’d seen him in my mind’s eye, and in
pictures online, and even here sleeping
in this bed, but this was different. He
glanced up, starting to smile, his eyes
mirroring my emotions. Amazement.
Surprise that we made it here. Fear.
“It was all real?” he asked, still
staring at me, and lifting his other hand
to caress my cheek. I closed my eyes and
leaned into him, taking a big, shaky
breath.
“It had to be. There’s no other
explanation.”
“Come here, babe.”
I leaned down and slid my arms
around him. We came together slowly,
like we were both unsure of this new
reality. What was he thinking? But once I
felt him this close and smelled his scent
under the hospital smells, my breath
quickened until I started crying and
clinging to him. His fingers sank into my
hair and he kissed my head, saying my
name. When I lifted my face, he smiled.
Oh, my god, is he handsome. And
real. And right here.
We paused, looking at each other,
grins coming at last. Then his face went
serious, something new in his eyes. He
touched my chin and we stretched
toward each other, our lips meeting
softly.
A shock wave rolled down my body.
His lips, so full, so soft…so
wanting.
His breath smelled of mint. I smiled
as his lips moved on mine. I’d somehow
gotten halfway up on the bed to kiss him
back, my hands gently exploring him.
His hands shook against me—from
desire or his injuries?
How fragile was he?
Would this hurt him?
A noise rose up his throat. Energy
zinged through my veins. With my eyes
closed, my body felt like it was floating.
He hung onto me tight, his tongue
suddenly teasing my lips, before he
pulled me further back with him. At the
contact, my body came to life, surprising
me. We’d been so close but unable to
touch before, not really touch. I pulled
back, opening my eyes and finding his
were staring back, warm and dancing.
“Avery.”
My lips tingled. All of me tingled. I
heard my ragged breathing and laughed.
“Marcus.”
Suddenly, he pulled me forward,
pressing another kiss onto my mouth.
Then he pulled me back and stared at
me, taking me in detail by detail.
“Damn, you are beautiful,” he
whispered. “And you look even better
from this perspective… I love you,
Avery.”
I started to reply and couldn’t find
my voice. His eyes grew shiny.
I pulled in a quick breath, still so
amazed in be in this moment. “I love
you.”
Our smiles grew together until we
started laughing.
“Everything’s different now,” I said,
my voice breaking.
“Better.” His smile faded. “Right?”
“Right.” I glanced toward the door.
What would his family think? What
would we tell them?
His hand came up to my face. “Ave,
we’ll figure it out.”
I lay my head on his chest, breathing
in his scent. I could feel him, smell him,
kiss him!
“We’ll figure everything out.” His
voice came softly as his fingers threaded
through my hair. “I love you and we’re
together. That’s what matters now.”
Closing my eyes, I decided to worry
about everything else later. He was right.
Only this mattered now. We were
together, really together.
Chapter One
Marcus
She was real and here.
It’s good, yo, it’s all good.
I ran that thought on repeat while I
held her close with my workable arm.
Damn the right one for being in a cast! I
wanted both arms around her, her body
pressed all the way to mine, all the way
down to our feet. My breaths came in
quick puffs, emotion blowing up my
chest, and I inhaled her scent. Her hair
tickled my neck as I pulled my fingers
through it. I couldn’t hold her close
enough.
It didn’t make any sense but nothing
else did either. When did the wreck
happen? How hurt was I? How long was
I out? And was all of that real, being in
her head and getting to know her? A
thousand questions raced around inside
my head, mixing with all the memories
coming back from my time with Avery.
Inside her head.
How the hell did that work?
We would figure it out together, like I
said. But I knew it wasn’t some coma
induced hallucination because she was
here. Avery remembered too.
Suddenly Avery laughed against my
chest, shaking me. She sat up, still
laughing hard like she’d lost it.
“Do you realize this all started in a
hospital room?” she asked.
A second later I caught up with her—
she meant back when she was the
patient, and we were in the Medford
hospital after her accident, and I was in
her head.
“Oh, yeah. It’s coming full circle, I
guess.” I looked toward my bathroom
door, trying to visualize those first few
freaky-as-hell moments. I had been
completely confused because I could see
the bathroom and then her room, but no
one would answer me when I talked.
Meanwhile, my body had been up
here in Portland. I don’t like thinking
about it, but I ask her, “Were you as
scared as I was?”
Ave pulled in a deep breath and I
reached out with my usable arm so she’d
rest on me again. I needed her close.
“I was scared,” she whispered, “but
maybe not as scared as you. That had to
be terrifying. I thought I’d lost it because
I was hearing a voice, but you didn’t
even have a body.”
I rubbed her back and let the topic
drop, but other uncomfortable thoughts
quickly filled my head. How long had I
been in this room? I remembered coming
here while I was in Avery’s head and
seeing my body laying here without me. I
didn’t notice much about the room then,
maybe because it’s a typical sterile,
plain room with tan walls and yellow
curtains the windows. They tried to
brighten it up with those faded-out prints
you see in hotels, except you don’t really
notice them because the colors are so
wimpy. The privacy curtain hanging
between my bed and the door was a
funny avocado green color that reminded
me of my late grandmother’s decorating
scheme.
“What are we going to tell your
parents?” she asked, speaking against my
chest, just as I heard them come back
into the room. I forced myself to breathe
slowly so my heart wouldn’t race under
Avery’s head. I usually go with the truth.
But now? That wasn’t going to fly.
“Uhh, Marcus? Avery?” My dad
sounded so awkward saying her name. I
tried to lift my head to see over Avery at
him, but the effort was almost too much.
She sat up and wiped her eyes. “Can we
have a moment to talk to you?” he asked.
Avery glanced at me, worry in her
eyes as she stood up. While she had her
eyes on me, I caught my dad’s
judgmental eyes on her. I loved her wild
hair and everything else about her, down
to each freckle. But I could read my
dad’s expression and knew she must
look halfway crazy to him with her hair
doing its own thing and her clothes all
wrinkled.
I put her through hell these last few
weeks.
That sent a crack across my heart as
it all came back. I squeezed my eyes
shut, trying to block out the strange panic
hitting me.
“Marcus?” Dad’s sharp voice
preceded him as he rushed across the
room.
I shook my head, clearing it.
“Dad, I’m fine.”
My dad’s gaze jumped from Avery to
me and back to her, and I suddenly
realized he was standing between us,
ready to defend me. Freaking hell.
“Dad, sit down, calm down, kay?”
This was weird for all of us, for
sure. I didn’t like looking at everyone
while lying down but I didn’t seem to
have much choice. Avery glanced back
at him, a hand on her neck.
It’s okay, babe.
Oh, yeah, she can’t hear me.
“I’ll be outside,” Avery said as she
slowly left, and she turned back toward
me, her gaze penetrating right to my
heart.
She was barely outside the door
before Dad pulled a chair up next to my
bed, sat down and leaned forward. It
was his ‘let’s have a talk’ mode. My
mom stepped in and hovered by the bed,
rubbing her hands together.
“Listen, dad, I know what you want
to talk about. And I want Avery here.”
“Who is this girl, Marcus?” He
exhaled for a long minute, shaking his
head. “You didn’t even recognize her!”
“She’s my girlfriend.” The words
come easily. “I didn’t recognize her
because I’d just woke up from a coma.
Everything was a mess in my head.”
“A friend of hers called the hospital
—”
“Dad, I know that. I know Jazz was
worried about Avery and tried to warn
you. I know you were doing the
paperwork to take me off life support
too. And I know Avery was trying to
save my life.”
Mom sucked her in breath as her
hand flew to her chest. “Marcus… Who
told you that?”
“Avery obviously told him that,” Dad
said bitterly. I shouldn’t have told them I
knew, but I was angry suddenly—not
because they had tried to follow my
written wishes and pull the plug on me,
but for the way they were treating Avery
now.
“Avery didn’t tell me that,” I added.
“I just know.”
My parents’ eyes were mortified and
unbelieving before they exchanged a
glance. My mom shook her head slowly.
“Marcus, her friend said she’s been
hearing voices.”
“Hearing me.” My voice sounded
tight, the way my entire body felt. I let
my head drop back on the pillow and I
closed my eyes, exhausted. Damn it, I’d
said too much. My all too practical
parents would never believe me.
Through the following silence, I
could feel them nodding at each other,
probably mouthing words. I shouldn’t
blame them for not accepting this, but
it’s a struggle. I shouldn’t get so irritated
at them for all the private communication
either, but sometimes it’s annoying as
hell.
“Marcus, look at me. When did you
meet her?” Mom asked. “Why didn’t you
tell us about her?” That second question
held a hint of hurt. And I’m not ready to
answer yet.
“You didn’t even remember her, then
suddenly you do.” Dad leaned forward.
“We haven’t heard anything about her
before this. Where’s she from? Where’s
her family?”
That struck a nerve.
“She lives right here in Oregon, in
Ashland where she goes to college.”
And I live in Colorado. Dude, it’s weird
to suddenly know things about my life.
It’s like I remembered that just now but
knew it all along too. I started going
through memories of back home, but it
hit me. What would it mean for Avery
and me?
I realized my dad was waiting for an
answer to something. “Huh?”
“Does her family live here?” Dad
repeated. Why was he stuck on that?
“Dude, it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t
have family. Her parents are gone. She
has her friends, and me.”
At that, Mom’s face softened, and
she asked, “How is she doing with all of
this?”
Damn, I only had a few minutes with
Avery. I didn’t know how she was doing.
I couldn’t read her mind anymore or feel
what’s going on inside her. It’d be useful
right about now too.
But this was better. We could really
be together now.
My parents waited on me. We’re
close, but they haven’t treated me like
this in a long time. This whole mess
must have really shook them up.
“Well, I don’t tell you everything
going on in my life.” I didn’t want to hurt
them but I couldn’t explain all of this to
them yet. Maybe they’d forget what I
said about Avery hearing me. Somehow I
had to smooth this over. “Listen, you
trust me, don’t you?”
“I’ve always trusted you, son. But
right now, you’re not thinking clearly.
Your body’s been through hell and your
mental state can’t be the best right now.”
“I need Avery here.”
Mom put her hand on dad’s shoulder.
Neither said anything.
“She makes me happy. I want her
here right now.” I decided not to let them
argue with me about it. “Listen, we’ve
got other things to talk about.”
Mom sat down next to dad. I guess I
don’t think about what my parents look
like that often, but now I noticed how
salt and pepper dad’s hair had gotten.
Along with those thick glasses, he
looked older than I remembered, with a
few more wrinkles around his eyes.
Mom looked washed out, like this had
sucked the color right out of her skin.
“Why don’t you focus on feeling
better?” Mom started. “We can take it
slow.”
“Listen, mom, dad,” I said, my chest
getting tight. “I’m not stupid. This might
change things. I might not make it back to
the next games. Or even onto a board…”
“Might.” Mom jabbed a finger in the
air. “Might change things. But you’re a
hard worker. We don’t have any reason
to think you can’t work your way back.”
“I don’t know if…” I stopped. I
wasn’t sure about anything. I hadn’t
spoken to any doctors yet.
“We’ll be here for you, son,” Dad
said, his voice breaking. “No matter
what happens, okay?”
This was the parents I knew and
loved.
“I just don’t want to let you down,” I
said hoarsely.
Mom tilted her head, a tear rolling
down one cheek. “Marcus, you could
never let us down. You’re worked
harder than anyone I know.” She turned
to my dad and they took each other’s
hands. “We thought we lost you, but now
you’re here and awake. That’s all that
matters right now.”
“We’ve always been so proud of
you.” Dad stared down at the floor for a
long, silent minute. “Mom’s right. The
rest can wait until later.”
“Yes, we’re rushing this.” Mom
patted my hand. “We don’t know how
you’re doing yet. You just woke up!
Let’s be happy about that for now.”
I was. More than she knew. I was so
happy to be awake, alive, in one piece.
My mind still felt foggy, but everything
was starting to come back and gel into a
picture. God, a few days ago I thought I
was going to die. That was going to be
it. And I had accepted it.
“Yeah, I’m alive,” I said, laughing.
Thanks to Avery, I was alive. She fought
like hell to save my life. “Listen, can you
let me see Avery again? That must have
freaked her out when I didn’t remember
her. I want to make sure she’s okay.”
Mom studied me for a minute while
Dad got up. They weren’t sure what to
make of this. I wasn’t either. Not really.
But I wasn’t going to question it too
much—Avery saved my life.
Chapter Two
Avery
The hospital felt like a funny mix of
constant busyness and stationary waiting,
of voices and noise but also silence, of
life changing seriousness for the patients
and families but just an ordinary
workday for the staff. I stood in the
breezeway, gazing out a window at a
blank sheen of gray clouds, while
conversations floated by behind me.
A touch on my arm made me jump
and turn. Elaina smiled uncertainty, and I
noticed she had the same amber eyes as
Marcus. So far my impression of her
was a soft, sweet woman, but I think
there must be a strong streak in there
somewhere. There had to be since she
raised a son like Marcus.
“Oh, sorry, honey, I didn’t mean to
startle you. He wants to see you.”
I nodded and mumbled thanks as I
hurried back to his room. Even now, it
was a shock to see him lying there with
the bruises on his face, the cast on his
arm, and mostly the open eyes looking at
me.
“Come here.” Marcus tried for a
smile and held a hand out to me. “I need
you.”
I sat on his beside him and lay down,
carefully arranging myself around him.
“Think they’ll give us a while?” I asked
softly, hoping my voice didn’t sound too
emotional.
“Yeah.” His voice was barely a
whisper. He rubbed circles on my back
while I hung onto him. I listened to him
breathe and felt the rise and fall of his
chest under me. I wanted to hold him and
feel him, to know he was really here and
not going anywhere. Then he asked,
“What are you thinking?”
“I’m just so happy to feel you against
me.” A second later I laughed lightly.
“And guess what? I can have secrets
now.”
He fell quiet and my laugh died. That
felt strange too—now we’d have to
share our thoughts if we wanted the other
to know, and now we had the option to
hold some thoughts back.
“Do you want secrets?” he asked, his
voice more serious than I liked.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” I lifted
my head to look into his eyes for a
minute before lying on his chest again. “I
just meant, now you don’t know every
thought running through my head.”
He gave a small chuckle. “Goes two
ways, Tiger Lily.”
A chill ran down my back, under the
spot where he rubbed. It was just a joke.
We were both adjusting to this, figuring
it out, but I wanted to hear his thoughts
behind the comment. Did he have things
to hide? We’d gotten to know each other
so well, so intimately, that I couldn’t
imagine not experiencing life on a
thought by thought basis with him. Would
we lose our connection, our closeness?
“So what are you thinking?”
He laughed. “The same, I guess. I’m
so happy to hold you and look at you,
and have my body back. I want to kiss
you, really kiss you, like we were
daydreaming. Remember that?”
“Um, yeah…” Heat pooled as
images raced through my head of all the
things we’d wanted to do before. His
fingertips traced over my shoulder.
“There’s so much coming back, I
don’t know where to begin. It’s like a
puzzle with a million pieces spread all
over the table right now.”
“I know what you mean,” I say, and
then he joined me in saying, “But we’ll
figure it out.” That made us laugh
together again.
My face buried in his chest, I lightly
ran my hand over him and bumped into
the cast on his arm. Suddenly I felt like a
jerk for bringing his guitar here, but it
had made him smile when he saw it.
It was his right arm in a cast, but I
thought (hoped) he was left handed. I
wanted to ask, but I didn’t want to
remind him. It’d been a while since the
accident, so I hoped it was mostly
healed by now.
“Ave…”
He sounded thoughtful and I lifted my
head to see his expression. The faded
bruises were still a little starling—I
didn’t focus on that earlier because I
was so happy to see him awake and
conscious of everything. As I watched
him, all the lights came on in those
amber eyes, like he remembered the best
news ever.
“Ave, we can do your birthday. We
can go to the beach and go swimming.
We can rent a house and sit in the hot
tub. Us. Together. We can do all of that
now.”
His idea made me almost giggle, but
a second later, his face went slack.
“Marcus?”
“We can do something about Kyle.”
His hardened voice gave me chills. I
didn’t want to dig all that up again—not
right now. I started shaking my head and
he reached and touched my face. “Babe,
what he did was wrong. Then he kept
pushing it on that trip. He’s not getting
away with all of that. Not now.”
“That’s behind us…” I said, lamely
shrugging. I didn’t want Marcus to track
Kyle down and beat the shit out of him.
Somehow, though, that didn’t seem like
Marcus. And right now, he didn’t seem
able to get out of bed.
He just woke up. Give it time.
“Why don’t you want to do
anything?” he asked, shaking his head.
“Do we need to talk about it?” I
countered. “I mean, we can later, just not
right this sec. We just found each other.
And, I don’t know, everything back in
Ashland with my friends is so messed up
right now.”
His forehead creased. “Oh. Right.
Damn, I forgot about the whole Nash and
Kyle thing…” I watched his expression
morph, going from realization to worry
to something like jealousy and anger.
I might like a little jealousy. A little.
But I didn’t want Marcus to worry about
us or anything else for that matter. And, I
wasn’t ready to deal with all that yet. I
didn’t know where things stood with
Jazz. Kris and Nash probably wouldn’t
speak to me. Life had gotten so out of
whack and I just left it that way.
All of that had faded away when I
thought I had lost Marcus.
“What happened? Before this?” I
asked, shuddering at the thought of how
things almost ended, but my curiosity
was getting the better of me. “At the
beach, you were just gone…and then you
woke up here?”
“I…” He gazed off over my head for
a minute. “I was with you… but then I
woke up here and everything was blank.
I’m sorry I didn’t remember you right
away. I feel like shit about it.”
His face showed it too, his mouth
frowning and his eyes darkening with
guilt.
“No, no, don’t worry.” I kissed his
mouth softly and then around his face,
kissing the bruises as gently as I could.
He closed his eyes, and I suddenly I
just wanted to be close to him, as close
as possible. I leaned carefully over him
and rested my forehead against his chest.
This all felt so crazy. Panic swelled
inside my chest, but then his hand
smoothed down my hair, as if he could
still feel my emotions and knew about
the storm inside of me. He ran his
fingers through my hair and tucked one
side behind my ear.
Voices came through the door, and
then Tom and Elaina
stepped inside with
a thirty-something male doctor. I tried to
fight the way my stomach tightened, but
Tom startled me. The glare on his
glasses hid his eyes, and his short, gray
hair somehow made him look creepy just
then.
I moved back and sat in a chair
across from the bed, giving them space.
The young doctor gave Marcus a big
smile, displaying perfectly straight,
white teeth. He was surprisingly
handsome, like he should be on that
show Grey’s Anatomy.
“Hello, Marcus, you probably don’t
remember meeting me before.” He
approached Marcus with his hand out to
shake. “Dr. Michaels. It’s a real pleasure
to meet you. I watched you compete in
the Olympics, and man, I’m impressed.”
Marcus simply nodded, his mouth
tightening. He’d been so outgoing and
laid back in my head, so it hurt my heart
to see him more withdrawn like this.
That comment probably reminded him
that he couldn’t do those physical things
right now. I didn’t want to think about
the future and all the if’s.
The doctor turned to me. “I’m Dr.
Michaels.”
“Avery.” I shook his hand too,
wondering if anyone would explain who
I was, or if it mattered. “Nice to meet
you.”
He smiled brightly before turning
back to his patient. If he’d been clued
into the drama surrounding me, he
wasn’t letting on.
“So, Marcus, let’s see how you’re
doing. I bet you have all kinds of
questions too. So we’ll take things slow,
check your responses and stats, and go
from there. Sound good?” He was ready
to start.
Marcus, on the other hand, turned
white. “Hey, doc, do we need everyone
here?”
His question got the kind of response
you’d expect. I wasn’t the only one who
did a double take at him. He kept his
eyes on Dr. Michaels, trying to ignore
our responses
“Ah, sure. I don’t see why that’s a
problem.” The doctor turned to face the
rest of us, a message to head out. Marcus
looked up at me, and I’d swear he was
trying to cover fear. I stepped closer and
squeezed his hand before leaving.
He watched me go but I had no clue
what was going on inside his head. Why
was that freaking me out so bad?
In the hallway, his parents walked
close together, talking quietly. Tom’s
deep voice carried back to me, and I
swear I caught the words I’ll get her out
of here…
I stood frozen, watching them,
everything inside me sinking. How much
sway did they have over Marcus? He
seemed like his own person to me but I
didn’t have the best feeling about this.
I turned in the other direction,
wondering what I’d do while waiting,
and found Jen standing behind me.
Judging from her blank face, I decided
she hadn’t heard her father.
Her blue eyes were startlingly blue,
and not just for the vivid color. They
were crystalline and sparkly. I had a
hard time not staring.
“Hey,” she said softly. “Walk with
me?”
At least she wasn’t siding with her
parents, as far as I could tell.
“Sure.” We gave each other a soft
smile and started off the other way
together, walking slow like two friends.
Just that small act bolstered my spirits.
A strange mix of cafeteria food and
antiseptic scent filled the hallway,
reminding me of the school cafeteria
from grade school. I suppose it’s a
hospital smell too. Smelling it felt gross
and comforting at the same time, making
me start to laugh.
“Does this feel weird to you?” Jen
asked, giving me a raised eyebrow for
the laugh.
I laughed again. It felt good. “I don’t
know what to think about everything…
but, he’s okay.”
She turned to me with big, open eyes
so I couldn’t look away.
“How did that happen?” she asked,
her palm out. “How did Marcus find you
and… live in your head?”
It took me a minute to process
everything she was asking.
“He didn’t find me, I don’t think.”
We walked around a corner while I
thought. “He was as confused as I was,
maybe more because he couldn’t
remember who he was.” I glanced over
and caught the worry line forming
between her brows.
“He just landed there?” She pointed
at my head.
I needed to talk to Marcus about
how much we’ll tell other people. In a
way, it’s asking too much for others to
believe this. I held back, but she
searched my eyes like she wanted to
understand.
“What about your parents?” I asked.
“Jazz made things sound pretty bad when
she called the hospital. Everyone
decided I was completely crazy.”
Her gaze bounced around and she
shrugged, like she didn’t want to look at
me right then. Had they been talking
about me?
We reached the end of the hallway
and turned around. A few other people
were walking around in a haze too, and
then others were hurrying by with things
to do.
“I don’t know.” Jen slid her hands
into her jean pockets as we started back.
“It sounded bad before, but Marcus
remembers you. I have no idea how
they’re going to deal with that.”
They would need to deal with it
somehow and find a way to understand
it.
I pulled in a breath, and a second too
late realized how emotional and raw I
sounded. Before I could turn away, she
rested her hand on my shoulder.
“He’s awake now. It’ll be okay.” She
sounded sure, the same way Marcus
sounds sure when he puts me at ease.
“I just wish I could figure out what’s
going on inside, why I can’t calm down.
I just don’t think—” I just didn’t know
anything.
“It’s been tough. My mental state
isn’t the best either!” Her quick intake of
breath mirrored my emotions. “I’ve been
on this rollercoaster, not knowing if
Marcus would make it, and even now
some things are up in the air.”
We were almost back, and we both
saw her parents huddled at the other end,
both with their heads bent close.
She made a scoffing sound. “This
should be interesting.”
That would be one word for it.
Chapter Three
Marcus
When I watched Avery leave, my
eyes landed on my guitar. Maybe my
brain wasn’t all the way awake yet,
because I kept forgetting I’m stuck in this
bed and my arm is in a cast. I can’t grab
my guitar and play—I couldn’t strum
with this cast in the way, and I wasn’t
sure my good hand was good enough to
hold the correct strings down. It’s not
really listening to what I tell it to do.
I can’t touch Avery the way I want to.
Holy shit, my body is all messed up, but
it sure reacted to her touch. I can still
feel it low and tight in my abdomen even
now, after she’s gone. I want her in a
bad, bad way.
It was something like this before,
except I couldn’t look at her from my
own eyes, and I didn’t have my body to
feel it this way. And I didn’t have her
right here where I can touch and kiss her.
Damn, I wanted her!
But I couldn’t do anything about it. I
sighed, regretting that the doctor was
watching all of this. A nurse came in
quietly to assist. They seem to hover a
lot.
While they checked my reflexes and
vitals yet again, I mentally went over my
time with Avery today, shot by shot,
replaying her responses and expressions.
What was going on in that head of hers?
Before, when she gave other people
that cool, reserved face, I got to hear all
the crazy thoughts and feel the
overwhelming emotions going on inside
of her. That girl is funny when she wants
to be, but she doesn’t share it often.
We’d both have to get used to this new,
separate reality.
But I could feel her in a different
way. Hold her. Kiss her. It was a
miracle.
“When will I be on my feet again?” I
asked, looking back at Dr. Michaels. He
hesitated, lifting his chin. But he knew.
He was just doing that sensitive doctor
shit.
He gestured for me to hold my good
arm out again. “That’s a complicated
question, Marcus.”
“How complicated can it be? A
week? A month? I hate this. I feel all
weak and things aren’t working quite
right. Dude, I’ll go crazy lying in this
bed.”
“And that’s why this is complicated.
Listen, it’s not a magic switch. You
won’t suddenly be a hundred percent
again. It’ll take time and therapy.”
Therapy. I know I won’t have the
patience for that.
“What about snowboarding?”
Dr. Michaels made a face, and I
could tell he was fighting back a sigh.
What the fuck did he expect, that I’d be
happy to lay here and get better?
After a pause, he nodded to the nurse
and she left. Then he slid a stool over by
the bed and sat down.
“That broken arm will take at least
two more weeks to heal, so you have
time to get everything else working too.
It sounds like patience isn’t your thing,
but…well, it has to be now.”
I rubbed my face, not liking how my
hand still felt a little disconnected.
Guess it made sense, though. I felt like I
woke up from a very, very, very long
sleep, and I sorta did.
“I’d like to look on the positive
side,” he added. “You’re awake and
making progress already. This is big. A
week ago we weren’t sure you’d pull
through.”
I hold up a hand to stop him. Yeah, I
know all about it. I actually didn’t sleep
through the part where my family
considered pulling the plug. Yeah, they
were following my wishes—the wishes
I’d wrote down three years ago before
this whole thing happened, but how
could I have known then? That was
before I met Avery.
“What about…” I gestured
downward instead of spelling it out.
“That…” His head went back and
forth. Was that indecision? What was
that? “That might take time, too.”
This blows.
“Let’s talk about getting you back on
your feet,” he said, grabbing my
attention. So I listened to him for a good
ten minutes before he asked, “Ready to
see your family again?”
“I’d like a few minutes alone first.” I
didn’t explain but he simply nodded. I
hadn’t been alone since waking up, and
while all of this was good—correct that
to great—I felt bulldozed right now. I
went from living in Avery’s head to back
here in my own body, and now I had a
whole new set of problems.
But it was better problems. I had to
remember that. I had my life back, my
family, my guitar…and Avery. I had
Avery in my life for real.
Was that the point of all that crazy
shit? Bringing us together?
Fate. Avery had used that word. She
felt sure fate had brought us together so
she could save me. And she did save me
in more than one way.
I felt drained, like ten days of
training drained. I closed my eyes,
wanting to rest but afraid of sleeping.
What if I didn’t wake up again?
When I opened my eyes, I saw my
phone on the cart next to the bed. Jen had
brought it in earlier. I heard that she
faithfully posted updates online for me
through all this. I reached for it, my hand
shaking and then doing a poor job of
grabbing onto it.
Grab it, damn it!
My hand finally listened to me and I
smiled in triumph.
I wanted to make a video myself and
post to my fans. I played around with the
angle, trying to get a good shot of my
face while showing the least of the
damage from the crash. Finally I pushed
the record button.
“Yo! How’s it going? Marcus Fields
here. I know. I’ve been out a while, huh?
Yeah, hasn’t been fun on this end. I want
to send a big shout out to all of you for
thinking about me through all this.
Thanks for the love and support. Thanks
for supporting my family while they had
to deal with it, too. I heard about all the
messages to my sister Jen and my
parents. Wow, my family. They’ve been
strong. And my girl, Avery. She pulled
me through this. I wanted to say thank
you to all of you, and everyone here. I’ll
be back out there, promise. Nothing
stops Marcus Fields! Peace out, baby.”
I had to keep it short because my
hand started shaking. I watched the
video upload and then set the phone
down, so tired. Too tired to keep my
eyes open any longer.
Avery… Her name ran through my
head as I lost consciousness, her face in
front of me.
I reached for her, expecting her to
fade away but she came closer, reaching
for me, and I grabbed her and yanked her
to me hard. She squealed as I lifted her
off the ground, burying my face in her
hair and then finding her neck
underneath. As I kissed the soft skin
there, it hit me that I was standing. Both
my arms were working fine.
I grabbed her hair and pulled her
head back, making her gasp. I saw her
pupils widen as I leaned in, and then I
kissed her hard and deep. Her hands
came up into my hair and her body
arched into mine. She moaned in my
mouth and bent a knee between my legs.
God.
Holy shit.
I needed her. Wanted her.
Then suddenly I knew it was only a
dream, although a very real dream, and
that realization shook me out of it.
I was awake again, breathing hard,
feeling the damp sheet stick to my wet
skin. Luckily the room was empty.
Patience. Yeah. I’m gonna have to
learn that because I want to be 100%
again for Avery so we can be together.
Chapter Four
Avery
Well, I lucked out. Tom and Elaina
walked the other way and went around a
corner instead of talking to us. Jen and I
had exchanged a questioning look. I
wasn’t sure, but it almost looked like
they were arguing.
She headed off to the bathroom, and I
went to the family waiting area and
made a cup of coffee, then found a quiet
corner and pulled my phone out.
Huh, the coffee was pretty good.
Earlier I’d saved some tabs but
didn’t get time to watch the videos. Now
I clicked on Marcus’s Gold Medal
snowboard run and sat back, feeling
anxious, excited and nervous like I was
watching it live.
The video started with him at the top
of the run, getting ready but not
appearing nervous at all. He was
actually chewing gum and smiling like
he was just having fun snowboarding
with friends. Why did that surprise me? I
can so imagine him saying, “Dude, why
worry? It’ll be epic or it won’t, but it’s
awesome being here!”
He looked down the slope, hutched
just a little and launched forward. He
flew down the run and up onto the first
obstacle. It was way beyond what we
had done in my head, especially when he
hit a big jump and soared into the air, the
blue sky behind him as he twirled, one
hand grabbing the board.
Oh, my god, he was graceful and
agile. It was beautiful! Noice, as Marcus
would say. I couldn’t imagine how it
must feel to have that ability and then be
stuck in a hospital bed now.
He was flawless all the way down
the course, hitting every jump with a
new trick. How could he even go that
high and stay in control on the landing? It
was freaking amazing. Like, gold medal
amazing.
He slid into the bottom with his
hands in the air and a huge smile on his
face, still chewing his gum. My heart
swelled with pride and love for that
amazing man. He stood waiting in front
of a purple backdrop as the crowd went
wild, waving American flags and
cheering. The commentators talked
while the camera panned out, and
everyone waited for his score to come
up.
The numbers flashed.
Marcus broke into an even wider
grin and pumped a fist in the air. Two
other snowboarders jumped on him,
slapping his back and grinning with him.
I’d noticed that in some of the videos I
watched: even though they were
competing, they were cheering for each
other and having fun. It crossed
nationalities even. All the snowboarders
that I saw were cheering for each other
and hanging out together.
I couldn’t stop myself. I smiled back
at him. He was relaxed and happy, and
just a little bit cocky, but so endearing.
And that smile!
“Avery?”
Jen’s voice made me jerk.
“Oh, hey, I was just watching Marcus
win the gold. Re-watching,” I added,
feeling like I got caught doing something
bad. I haven’t watched it before, but I
should have, at least according to the
story we’re using.
“The doctor said we could go back
in.”
I jumped up and hurried to follow
her back. Their parents were huddled
and whispering in the hallway about
twenty feet from the door but
straightened as we approached.
Tom’s sliding glance made me think
he wasn’t too pleased to see Jen and me
walking together. Was there any chance
in hell he’d warm up to me?
Jen peeked into the room and turned
back to us. “He’s sleeping.”
Panic shot through me. It must have
shot right onto my face because she
grabbed my upper arm.
“He’s just sleeping. He’ll be in and
out a lot right now.”
I nodded, knowing my voice
wouldn’t work right. I glanced at his
parents, wondering what we were going
to do now. So we stood there for a full
silent awkward moment before Elaina
touched Tom’s arm and he cleared his
throat.
“We should thank you, Avery,” he
said. “For…being there for Marcus.”
His voice sounded heavy with emotion
but his face and body were stiff, so I
couldn’t honestly tell if he was sincerely
thanking me or his wife put him up to it.
If only I could hear what Marcus thought.
Could I just be reading him wrong?
“Well… of course.” I wanted to add
that I loved him, but that was something I
couldn’t say to them. Not now, or like
this.
After another painful pause, Tom
said, “He’ll be here a while longer, then
rehab.”
I nodded; that was expected. But why
was Tom pointing that out? Because they
planned to take him back home to
Colorado? That made sense…and
scared me.
I searched for a way to respond
when I heard a noise from inside the
room. Jen glanced back in. She seemed
to be in charge, like a body guard for
Marcus. I wonder how she ended up in
that role.
“He’s awake and motioning…” She
turned back into the room, then added to
us, “Yes, everyone.”
I followed his family in, hoping that
“everyone” meant me too.
Marcus was pretty groggy, but that
gave me a chance to study him. His
lashes were so long with his eyes
closed. When he’d been in my mind, his
hair was longer but his family or the
staff cut it at some point, probably due to
his head injury. His full lips looked so
sexy and kissable. I even liked the blond
stubble on his jaw.
His eyes opened and slowly moved
from person to person. He noticed me
last and flashed a smile. Everything
inside me burst wide open and I gave
him a smile back. I wanted to grin my
biggest grin but felt shy in case his
family members turned my way.
A rustle behind me caused me to
turn, almost bumping into someone
carrying in a food tray. And just like that,
the rest of the day turned into a routine of
different people checking on Marcus,
meals, and rest. There was a lot of talk
with different doctors and specialists. I
stayed in the background, wanting to
hear everything but feeling strange about
being with his family. They didn’t really
understand how close I felt to Marcus,
and how much I cared about him. How
could they? His parents wrote me off as
crazy before, and I couldn’t blame them
for that. So I sat in the corner and
listened.
Jen and Elaina got up to leave and
both gave me an encouraging smile on
their way out. Maybe Elaina was starting
to like me. The staff had cleared out
again too, leaving just Marcus, his dad,
and me. It was probably around dinner
time, or later. Just now I noticed it’d
gotten dark outside. It’d been a long day.
“So, Avery, you’re an English
major?” Tom asked suddenly.
I formed a word but didn’t speak.
My pause was long enough to make me
feel guilty over nothing, and I caught a
look of concern on both of their faces.
“You should be in class, not here,”
Tom said, making it sound more like a
crime than a personal choice.
“Ave? Is there class right now?”
Marcus asked, and I could see the gears
turning even if I couldn’t hear them
anymore. But why was he siding with his
dad? I ground my molars before
answering, working out some anger.
“There is,” I said lightly, trying to
sound like it wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t.
Not compared to being here for Marcus.
“Well, there’s class but it’s a new term
starting.”
I hadn’t even checked my grades for
winter term. Marcus landed in my head
in the last month of that term, so my
grades might have taken a sharp
nosedive.
“Isn’t it important to be there for the
beginning?” Tom asked, and again it
wasn’t a question. He was in full lecture
mode. It’s been years since I had a
parent to give me advice, wanted or not,
so I didn’t know how to respond. I was
braced for Tom to rant on, but just then I
caught Marcus giving him a small shake
of his head.
A long pause fell. I was getting real
tired of those. All this awkward
conversation and waiting around.
“Why aren’t you there?” Marcus
finally asked me directly. I could read
the disappointment and guilt in his eyes.
“I need to be here. I mean, I want to
be here.” I held still while I wanted to
shrug. I wasn’t going to apologize or
make it seem like I would be anywhere
else.
Marcus had an intense look in his
eyes, making them darker.
“How much class have you missed?”
he asked.
I didn’t want Tom hearing this,
especially when I had no idea. Marcus
saw me hesitating and gave his dad a tilt
of his head and lifted eyebrow.
“I’ll let you two talk,” Tom said,
getting up. “Avery…it’s not really my
business, but don’t you think the right
choice is to get back to class as soon as
possible?”
I was too shocked at his directness to
answer, and he walked out.
I didn’t owe him an answer. It’s my
life. But now he had ammo to force me
to leave, which was what he really
wanted.
But how could I leave? There was
no way I could concentrate on
schoolwork or even sit still in class. I
tried to think while opening my mouth,
but Marcus beat me to speaking.
“Will you bring it over here?” he
asked, nodding toward something.
“Your guitar?” I asked. Really?
Weren’t we going to talk about college?
I couldn’t imagine him just dropping the
topic but I didn’t mind putting it off
either.
“Yeah.” He made his bed raise more.
I forced my gaze to stay away from his
cast as I retrieved his guitar.
“Sit here.” He patted the bed as he
scooted up, positioning himself so I
could sit between his legs. Nestling up
to him sent a warm shiver up my back.
This still felt so new and different.
We’re really both here, real, touchable.
He had to move around more so his
cast wasn’t in the way, and then his chest
was mostly touching my back, sending
jolts of pleasure up and down my body. I
expected to feel awkward holding the
guitar, but it felt almost natural after all
the times I had played with him. Or
rather, he played using my hands.
His hand brushed my cheek and then
pulled my hair back to sweep it over the
other shoulder. Then his breath caressed
my neck.
My eyes closed. It was pain and
pleasure and want all rolled together—
and I was freefalling in all of it. This
was so immense, so consuming. A
second passed and his lips pressed into
my neck.
I gasped so loud we both jumped.
Marcus chuckled by my ear,
activating every nerve in my body.
More. I wanted more of him, more of
his breath and mouth on my skin, his lips
on my lips, his hands on me.
“Remember how to strum?” he
whispered.
If I could clear my head, I might
remember… I nodded, a small
movement so I wouldn’t bump into him.
“Slow and steady at first. Let’s see if
this works.”
I began to strum. Nothing fancy, just
moving my thumb up and down. Marcus
used his left hand to tune the guitar by
twisting the knobs at the top. His hand
looked unsteady and didn’t grasp the
little tuners quite right, but he worked at
it until the chord sounded perfect. I
patiently moved my hand, letting the
strings sing into the room. The sound
soothed me, reminded me of time we
spent together already, reminded me of a
world that Marcus took me into.
He put his hand to the stem. Sitting
like we were, I couldn’t see his
expression, but the way he moved his
hand moved made me think it was
difficult for him. I kept strumming but the
chords sounded off.
I gritted my teeth instead of flinching
or turning my head. If it took all day, I’d
sit here and help him. Finally, he did it.
He got his hand to obey him and hold
down the correct strings. The sound
changed as I strummed, and we played
chords that didn’t add up to a song, just
soft music.
I had to concentrate too but my body
was acutely aware of his so close
behind me. When he breathed, his body
touched mine. His heat warmed me. I
closed my eyes, hearing the chords and
feeling Marcus, wishing I could pause
time for a day.
I tried to absorb the sounds of the
strings and the feel of Marcus so close to
me, but he couldn’t play for long. I could
tell he was tiring, and then he dropped
his hand with a sigh.
“Babe,” he said softly. His tone
made my stomach tighten.
“Hmm?” I turned my face toward
him. My cheek was almost against his
jawbone, his mouth so close.
“First, I’m really sorry that my
parents are so skeptical. They could at
least try to hide it.”
I waited for him to say more, that
maybe he agreed with them. Please
don’t. Please don’t say you’ve lost faith
in what we shared. Thankfully he didn’t
say that.
“I know they have your best interests
in mind, even before when they were…”
I didn’t finish.
“Well, I’m sorry about my dad and
what he said.”
“Thanks. I know it’s them and not
you. Don’t feel bad when it’s not your
fault. I mean, when I think about my dad
—” Why did I say that? I really don’t
need to deal with anything else today, so
I quickly added, “I can’t talk about him
right now.”
“I know.” His words were so soft
and understanding that I wanted to cry.
He didn’t even add anything about
saving it for later. “But, on another
important topic… You should finish the
year, Ave,” Marcus said in a kind tone.
“It’s one term, right? Just three months
till summer break. I don’t want to pull
you away from your life. You want to be
a writer. You had plans. Have plans.”
“I don’t need college for that.”
After a few seconds of silence, I
twisted enough to see him.
He raised his eyebrows, his light
brown eyes dancing with some secret, it
seemed. “Remember your promise?”
“What?! That was before…”
Did he really expect me to keep a
promise I made when I thought he was
going to die?
“You promised me you’d go after
your dreams. That means going back to
school.” His stern look did weird things
to me, things that made it hard to be
upset right now. I wanted to smile and
smack him, and maybe even kiss him, all
at the same time.
“That was before you woke up,” I
reminded him again, my voice stronger.
“That was when I thought I had to go on
without you.”
“Your life is still your life, and you
made a promise.” His lips curved in the
slightest smile.
Was that a sad smile, like he was
saying a real goodbye? Maybe he had
decided to listen to his dad.
“Marcus, I don’t understand. After
all we’ve been through, I can’t leave
you.”
His eyes searched mine as his head
tilted in confusion. He started to form the
word “what” but changed it.
“Oh. Avery, baby, I’m not saying
leave, leave. I’m saying you need to go
back to your life and get things back on
track.”
Cool relief trickled through me, but I
still wasn’t sure. Maybe he was
breaking up with me, but in such a nice
way I couldn’t tell. I stared at his chest
until his fingers touched my chin.
“Babe, look at me.”
“I put everything on the line to help
you—to save you!” I fought the tears
pricking my eyes. I’d gotten too
emotional over all of this.
“I know. You’ve been my princess in
shining armor. But, listen, I can’t let you
flunk out of school or lose all your
friends. I blew through your life like
some kind of tornado, and I can’t live
with myself if you lose everything.”
“I don’t want to lose you!” The tears
won and plopped onto my cheeks.
Marcus leaned close to rest his
forehead against mine.
“I love you, Avery, and I won’t go
anywhere. I promise. I’m here for you.”
I knew he was right, but I didn’t want
to think past this moment here with him.
My life back in Ashland was a mess.
“I don’t know where to start picking
up the pieces,” I admitted, pitifully, and
watched his face fall. He pulled on the
neck of the guitar and maneuvered it to
the bottom of the bed.
“I’ll help you, babe. We’ll fix
everything, starting with your life,
okay?” He squeezed my hand. “Okay?”
“Okay…tomorrow. Then I can figure
out what to do about all of that.”
“Tomorrow. And you promise,
right?”
“I promise,” I said, the word an echo
of the promise I made before, when we
thought we were out of time, and I
promised to follow my dreams. It’s
almost the same promise as before, but
this time around it means walking out of
this hospital and leaving Marcus here.
He searched my eyes and ran the
back of his fingers down my face.
“You’ve been my fixer girl, remember?
Now I want to help you fix your life.”
His expression darkened for a second,
and when I noticed, he shook his head. “I
wish I could get out of here and help
you, but when I can, I will.”
“Marcus.” I shook my head, the
words I needed just out of reach. So I
took his hand and rested his palm against
my face while we gazed at each other.
He had such warm amber eyes.
“You’ll stay tonight with me?” he
asked.
“Of course I will.” I grinned
suddenly. “You aren’t getting rid of me
that easily.”
His smile came back too, and he
said, “Wasn’t planning on it, Tiger Lily.”
He tugged my hand, wanting me closer.
Chapter Five
Marcus
I came out of a dream slowly, aware
I was waking up but still trying to stay in
the dream. I smelled new snow and
heard Avery’s laugh. Soft lift filtered
down from an overcast sky. For a few
seconds, it felt so real, like when we
were in her head and somehow out on
the slopes at the same time.
Then the images and smells faded
away.
My body hurt all over. It felt better to
be asleep but I didn’t want that right
now. It had to be the middle of the night
but I felt more restless than ever. The
room was dark and quiet except for
Avery’s soft breathing. She was sleeping
in the cot, curled up like always when
she sleeps. I was glad I didn’t have to
sleep in tiny little ball like that
anymore, but I do miss knowing her
thoughts.
Was she happy? Was she okay?
Now it almost seemed like I had
wrecked her life, and maybe she wasn’t
happy to be here anymore. If this was
true love and all, why did it seem to be
hurting her? Feeling this uncertain
sucked, and I wasn’t used to it. I worked
hard all of my life. I didn’t hold back. I
didn’t have to question myself or my
abilities.
Ave made a noise and I looked over.
Lights from outside shone in through the
window. I took a minute to stare at her—
her halo of wild hair around that pale
face. My new pastime is studying her
from this perspective…seeing her
intense eyes and that mouth I want to
kiss. Her face is so perfect.
“Are you awake?” she whispered.
“Yeah, come here.”
She came over and slid up on the
bed, and I rolled on my good side to
spoon her. God, it felt nice. I hadn’t
gotten to hold her like this yet, not in the
real world anyway.
“I had this awesome dream,” I said,
my voice low and sleepy. “I think we
were out on some fresh pow together,
but I can’t remember all of it. You were
laughing. There’s not much more than
that, but it felt so real for just a minute.”
“Sounds nice. I wish we could.”
“We will! And sooner than you
think.”
I wanted to slide my arm around her
but could only move the cast and sling so
far. Maybe it was a good thing I couldn’t
run my hand up and down her body or up
her front. Damn, just imagining that did
something crazy to me. Actually, just
lying here like this, our bodies touching,
made me ache for her.
“Are you okay with this?” I asked
her, wondering if she could feel how
excited I was.
“Oh, yeah.” Her voice held a naughty
smile as her backside subtly gyrated
against my crotch. I chuckled. Oh yeah,
she knew. And she didn’t seem to mind
too much. I could only imagine how
crazy we’d go if I weren’t so weak and
we weren’t here. Hell, even here I might
want to rip her clothes off and put this
hospital bed to good use. But at the
present moment, I’m just happy that my
body responded the way it should.
Too bad I couldn’t watch the images
in her mind right now. Was she
fantasizing about me? Or worried? I
couldn’t be strong and be the man she
probably wants and needs.
“Are you okay with me right now?” I
asked.
“Huh?” She twisted her head my
way. I couldn’t see her face though. “Of
course I’m okay with you.”
“I’m not the same.”
“Of course you are!” She reached
back to run her hand over me. At her
touch, I closed my eyes, overwhelmed
with so many emotions I couldn’t sort
them into words. “Well, I mean now you
have a body to go with that sexy voice.”
She is a funny one.
“Ave, this recovery is going to take a
while. I’m…not quite me.”
“Marcus.” She scoffed. “You didn’t
even have a body when I fell for you! I
fell in love with your wit and charm and
honesty.”
“Well, I’m being honest right now,” I
said lightly, a laugh in my voice. “I’m
used to hearing your thoughts, and having
you know what’s going on in my head.
This way, I feel more vulnerable. I’m so
weak and I don’t know what you think
and feel about it.” It felt good to get the
words out. I pulled her closer and felt
her back press into me, the length of her
body against mine.
“You can just ask. You’re smart,
funny, sexy. What more could I want?
And you are strong. You’ll see.”
I breathed in her scent, so glad she
was here.
“I want you. Need you,” I said. “And
when I’m on my feet again, I’m going to
have you.”
I heard a quick intake of breath.
“Sit up,” I said, knowing it surprised
her. I rolled on my back and had her
move around to my other side. I tangled
my good hand in her hair and gently
pulled her down so I could kiss her, then
I turned her body so she was lying back
with me. “I’m going to find a way to
touch you.”
Her breathing really picked up, and
that was before I ran my hand down her
hip and thigh. It took effort, but I moved
slowly up her body and under her shirt,
over her bra to cup her. I wanted to
explore and map every inch of her body:
her breasts, her stomach, her belly
button… the top of her pants. We both
started shaking with need as I undid her
jeans with one hand. It seemed like I’d
gotten stronger and more able already.
I slid my hand down enough to touch
her through her panties, making her arch
up. When I moved my hand faster, she
covered it with hers, wanting more.
“I wanted to touch you so bad
before…” I spoke low and quiet by her
ear. Her body pushed back into mine, her
hand gripping mine harder while I
touched her.
“Oh, god, Marcus!”
She came with a cry and immediately
covered her face with both hands.
“Baby, it’s okay.” I kissed her cheek.
“It’s fine. No one’s out there. It’s just us.
Babe, let me hold you.”
She rolled to curl into me and
wrapped her hand over my arm. I
wanted her so bad it felt like it could kill
me, but I didn’t want to go there in this
condition. I’d get strong again first. For
now, I’d be happy making her happy.
And holding her. I wanted to keep her in
my arms forever.
***
Someone cleared their throat, waking
me up. Two nurses were busy by the
bed. When my vision cleared I could see
them sharing a look and trying not to
giggle.
Did I have a giant morning woody?
Then I felt Avery move against me. I
flashed a big smile at the nurses and held
up a finger. The taller one motioned for
the other to follow her out of the room.
Knowing Ave, she’d get all
embarrassed if she woke up with them in
here. I watched her sleep for a few
minutes before I could bring myself her
wake her up. She looked so beautiful
and peaceful. If only she could rest all
day and not worry about anything.
“Babe?” I ran my knuckles down her
face and snuck in a quick kiss on her
mouth. She smiled and stretched.
“Morning already?”
“It’s a good morning with you here.”
I kissed down her jaw and onto her neck,
talking between kisses. “Your body is so
sexy …so…so…so…sexy.”
She laughed and caught her breath all
at once, her hand covering mine as I felt
my way around again.
Voices interrupted us from the
hallway and she sprang off the bed. I
tried to hold in my laughter as she
straightened her clothes. Yup, it was a
good call to have those nurses leave.
Avery gave me a mock glare right
before the nurses came back in,
followed by my parents.
“Good morning, honey,” my mom
said rather brightly.
Behind her, Ave gave me a little
wave and mouthed, “I’ll come back
later,” before she grabbed her jacket and
headed out. I stared after her even when
I couldn’t see her, clear until my dad
cleared his throat.
Man, this recovery thing is going to
suck.
Chapter Six
Avery
I walked around the hospital to
stretch my legs and clear my head, but it
reminded me too much of being here
before, when they wanted to pull the
plug on Marcus.
I took the elevator down, and when
the doors opened, I smelled the
cafeteria. My stomach growled so I went
for a sandwich and a drink before
walking some more. I rounded a corner
and spotted a sitting area at the end of
the hallway. Retro orange and green
loveseats sat around a short coffee table,
all looking out the windows.
I couldn’t sit down though. I still
needed to update my friends. Or friend, I
should say. Jazz might be the only one
who’ll talk to me, and I’m not even sure
about that. I tried to remember if we
talked after she called the hospital and
warned them that I was off my rocker.
No, I don’t think we did.
Huffing out a nervous breath, I called
Jazz.
“Ave?” She almost shouted my name,
startling me. She couldn’t be angry
anymore, could she?
“Jazz, hey, how’s it going?” I start
off easy.
“Where are you? You’re not still in
Portland, are you?” She sounded
concerned, like she’d been tearing
herself up over this. I felt bad for not
calling sooner.
“Yeah, I’m here with Marcus and his
family. He woke up, Jazz. He’s okay.
Things are okay now.”
A beat.
“Wait? What? How? Ave, this
doesn’t make any sense.” She sounded
shocked, which meant she didn’t believe
me before.
“Well, he woke up and told them it
was okay.”
“How again?”
How do I explain something that
doesn’t make sense to me? I switched
tactics and told her about Tom, Elaina
and Jen, and the physical therapy Marcus
will need to do.
“So,” she interrupted. “I have a
question. I’m just curious… You know,
if you’ve had any weird dreams with all
of this?”
Weird dreams? I thought back but
nothing came to mind. I told her as much.
“Why do you ask?”
“I… I don’t know. I’m just always
curious. You know that.”
“That’s true,” I said, but it was out of
character for Jazz to sound unsure about
something. “Are you doing okay?”
“Yeah, fine. I mean, we have things
to figure out, but don’t worry about
anything while you’re up there.”
She clearly didn’t want to explain
what was on her mind… I wasn’t sure
what to make of it, so I let it go for now
and asked, “We’re still friends, right?”
“Always.”
Warmth flooded my heart, a real
physical sensation of heat bursting into
my chest. It took me a minute to find my
voice.
“I’m coming back for class,” I said,
forcing myself to put the words out there.
That made it more real, even though I
didn’t feel like I was completely
committed to it yet.
“When?”
“Uhh, I’m not sure,” I admitted,
hearing the sadness in my voice. A pause
followed.
“Avery, it’ll have to be soon if you
want any chance of catching up. You
could fail this term otherwise.”
“I know.” I closed my eyes tightly,
wanting to hide from this but knowing I
couldn’t.
“I’m here to help. I can get a few
things started for you. I have some notes,
but you’ve missed a lot…”
Jazz, my practical friend. I love her
for that.
“Thanks. I’ll start with that. I better
go, but I wanted to let you know.”
“See you soon?” She didn’t sound
sure.
“I’ll keep you updated.”
“Bye,” we said at the same time. I
should have told her I was there for her
too, in case she needed anything. Why
did I have a lingering feeling there was
more to her question about dreams?
Marcus had a dream last night—I
vaguely remembered him telling me
something about it when I climbed into
bed with him. That didn’t have anything
to do with me really or Jazz though.
I headed back to his room feeling
heavy. I have so much to do back in
Ashland. When I reached his door, his
parents and Jen walked out. Jen gave me
an encouraging smile, and I got the
feeling they’d all been talking about me.
“How’s he doing?” I asked her.
“Good,” she said but not too
convincingly. She patted my arm as she
left with her parents. “Cheer him up for
us!” she called back over her shoulder.
“I’ll do my best.”
Jen glanced back and it hit me, she
really does expect me to cheer him up.
That’s either a lot of pressure or a show
of trust. Maybe both.
I stepped inside in time to see
Marcus staring out the window, a
faraway look on his face. The covers
were pulled up over his waist. I’d hate
to wear one of those hospital gowns for
days on end; Marcus must too.
Thankfully the bruises were getting
lighter with each day.
He turned toward me but his eyes
weren’t focused for a few seconds; he
was completely lost in another world of
thought. After another few seconds, his
gaze swept over my face and his
attention returned.
“Babe, just the person I wanted to
see.”
I smiled as I sat on his bed and he
pulled me into him. We held each other
for a long moment while I listened to his
steady heartbeat.
“I can’t keep you anymore,” he said,
stroking my hair. “Ave, you’ve got to get
going. It’s a long drive back.”
I ducked my face and nodded. “I
called Jazz and said I’m going back to
class,” I told him. I know he’s right, but I
don’t like it at all. I can’t argue either
because he feels bad for screwing up my
life as it is.
His finger nudged my chin.
“We can have weekends and stuff,
right?” he asked.
“Yeah, we can…” Reality started
setting in. “I just don’t know how often I
can drive back and forth, and it’ll be so
hard being that far away from you.”
“It’s too much driving?” he asked,
confused.
I shrugged. “It’s a lot of gas money
and my car isn’t the most dependable.”
A flash of memory came, of when it
broke down and I had to call Nash for
help.
“Ave, don’t worry about that, okay?”
He flattened his hand on the side of my
face, holding me gently so I wouldn’t
look away. “I’ll cover your gas. We’ll
figure it out if the car needs work. It’ll
be okay.”
At his words, tears popped up in my
eyes and started running down my face,
surprising me. Marcus has been right
about so many things. I wanted to
believe him now. It’d just been so long
since I heard those words from anyone.
He reached to me again, wiping my
tears away.
He pulled on my shirt and I slid my
body completely onto the bed beside
him, facing him with my face pressed to
his chest. I felt his breath on my forehead
as it slowed down, and I closed my
eyes, falling asleep with him.
***
The sound of low voices washed
over me for a while before I realized
they didn’t sound happy. I woke up but
kept my eyes shut, listening to Tom and
Marcus.
“She should be in class.”
“She’s going home today.”
“But why did she wait? She should
have left yesterday so she could attend
today.”
“Dad!” Marcus broke off and the
room went silent. The light was on, and I
wondered if they could see my face. I
slowly opened my eyes and saw Marcus.
He was sitting in a chair facing the bed,
and I was lying in the bed still. Tom must
have been standing behind me. Footsteps
sounded as he left.
Marcus sighed and ran a hand over
his head. His gaze landed on me and he
said, “Don’t worry about him.”
“You keep saying that, but I think I
should be.”
“He worries about people because
he cares.”
I tried to keep a blank expression. It
doesn’t seem possible that Tom was
worried about me for my own sake. I
leaned up to look at Marcus and beckon
him to come back to bed.
“Help me?”
“Oh, of course!” I jumped up and
helped him slide back up. The nurses
must have come in and helped him get up
this morning. I glanced at the window
and realized it was later than I thought.
He laughed softly. “I know you must
be exhausted, so I tried to let you sleep.”
“And your family thinks I kicked you
out of your bed.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he said, and his
mouth curved up in a sly smile. For a
minute, I couldn’t move, not with the
way he watched me. Funny that he can
make me blush still. I waved a hand
toward the bathroom before
disappearing inside.
Was I ready for this? I had to leave
him here. Every fiber in my body
screamed at the idea. I’ve fought so hard
for him, and now… now I just go back to
my old life?
When I came out, he motioned for me
lay beside him. We held onto each other
in silence until he reached over to the
stand by his bed for his phone.
“Isn’t it funny that we don’t have
each other’s numbers yet?”
I laughed. “That is a bit unusual.” We
exchanged numbers, and then he handed
me a wad of money.
“What’s this?” I asked, staring at it.
He shook it and I reluctantly took it.
“I don’t want you worrying about gas
money, okay?”
I nodded. This was starting to feel
more and more like a big goodbye, like
it’d be a long time before I saw him
again. Marcus saw my expression turn
sad and opened his mouth to say
something.
I spoke first.
“It just feels… it feels like I’m
losing you again, and now I can’t hear
what you’re thinking anymore. We’ll just
be a part.”
“Ave, baby, look at me,” he said and
pulled my chin toward him. “We’re
connected. Fate decided that. We have
something special where we got to know
each other from the inside out. Even if
we can’t hear each other’s thoughts
anymore, even if we’re a part, you’re
always on my mind.” He touched his
chest, over his heart. “You’re always
right here,” he said, his voice choked
with emotion.
I wrapped my arms around his neck,
wanting to hang onto him for the rest of
the day.
Then Tom cleared his throat behind
us. He was probably counting the
minutes until I left. I pulled back from
Marcus and searched his eyes, hoping
he’d remember our connection even after
I left, even when his dad was trying to
talk him out of being with me.
We kissed one last time, a soft kiss
on the lips, before I stood up. He looked
like I felt—I couldn’t talk. So we
nodded and I squeezed his hand and left
the room, glancing back when I reached
the door. He watched me leave.
As I stepped out of his room, I
remembered how his voice sounded
when he said, It’ll be okay.
Jen waited in the hallway. I thought
Tom might come out and talk to me but
he didn’t, and I didn’t see Elaina
anyway.
“So, you’re heading back?” Jen tried
for a perky tone.
“Yeah.”
“I’ll walk with you. I could stretch
my legs.”
We started off together, and she
added, “In a way, you’re lucky you have
something to go do to keep busy.”
“I wish I didn’t.”
She scoffed. “You might be glad
later. It gets so old just staying here. But
now that Marcus is doing better, I might
go home.”
“Home? And leave him here with
Tom and Elaina?” Ouch. That wasn’t the
nicest tone, and I was talking about her
parents. I glanced over.
“I know they can be a bit much.” She
looked down. Was she hiding her
expression? They were great parents,
sure, and I know they’ve been there
supporting Marcus… But they don’t like
me. I’m not sure how to prove to them
that I’m helping Marcus and want the
best for him. I let the topic drop, not
wanting to argue with Jen, not when
she’s helped me so much. She was the
one that got me in to see Marcus while
he was in a coma.
We talked about other things on the
way down to the parking garage, where
she hugged me goodbye.
“Thanks for being there for Marcus,”
she said when she pulled away.
“You’ve really been there for him all
along,” I said in return. “I hope you
know how much he appreciates it.”
Tears clouded her eyes as she
nodded. She stepped back, and then we
both waved and turned away, her
heading back inside and me walking out
in the garage to find my car.
I tried to think ahead to school. If I
made it back to class tomorrow, I could
get in a few days this week. That is, if
my professors let me. The term started
without me, and I’m not sure if I’ve
missed the deadline to attend classes. I
have to try, though. If for nothing else,
because I made a promise to Marcus.
Chapter Seven
Marcus
The dim, bland room felt small and
empty without Avery. I ran my hands
over my face, wanting to hold it together,
and ended up leaving them there. Hiding.
Dude, this is seriously messed up. I
never let anything shake me or get me
down. I’ve lost competitions. I’ve totally
yardsaled so many times. I’ve fallen and
broken stuff before. I’ve always gotten
right back up…but not this time.
I heard my family walk in but didn’t
have the energy to compose myself.
I felt my mom’s hand on my shoulder.
“Marcus?”
I pulled my hands away. She was
right there, with my dad and Jen lurking
behind her. Man, was I getting tired of
looking up at everyone from this freaking
bed. Mom sat down, her hand still on
me.
“You know, this is pretty normal,”
she started.
“How could any of this be normal?”
“I’ve been reading up on this. When
people come out of a coma, they can
have short term memory problems, and
be agitated and emotional.” She pulled
up a brochure and began reading. “Your
family member by be disorientated and
confused about the time, where they are,
and even who they are. They might not
understand what is happening.”
“Mom, what the fuck? I know exactly
who I am and where I am.”
She jumped at my words. I was
shocked myself. I still felt that boiling
hot pressure in my head but I knew I’d
crossed a line.
“Sorry. Hey, I’m sorry. I’ve been
letting myself get way too frustrated. But
what are you worried about?” I glanced
at my dad, still standing behind her. He
turned and busied himself with putting
things on a counter. Seriously? He
wasn’t going to say anything?
“This is about Avery, not me. Isn’t
it?” I pointed the question at my parents,
but mostly at my dad. “You can all see
my mental state is fine. I’m doing pretty
damn well according to that cheesy grin
doctor.” I struggled to lift my head so I
could see Jen. My mom adjusted my
pillow and then the bed so I was sitting
up.
Jen glanced at me several times but
kept dropping her gaze, her arms folded
and her body turned away. She didn’t
want to argue with our parents, but she
believed Avery and me.
“Marcus,” mom said, glancing at dad
for support. “We need to talk about a
physical therapy center.”
What? Where’d that come from? I
sighed, realizing she was changing the
subject. I wanted to deal with this shit
and make them see that Avery would be
a part of my life. It’s my life—they’ll
have to see that at some point. Maybe
when I’m on feet again. Fuck! God
damn, this is frustrating.
“Why do I need another center?” I
asked.
“After this one, not right now,” Mom
clarified.
Oh, hell, no. I can’t handle another
center after this one. Mom and Jen took
turns explaining it to me and reading out
of different pamphlets until my doctor
came in. Great. More questions and
poking. My family had a list of questions
for him too—literally. They’d written a
list.
I let them talk while I read over one
of the pamphlets on recovery. A lot of it
I knew from talking to the doctors and
nurses, but it had some good news.
Damaged brain cells can repair
themselves. The brain can even rewire
itself and grow new pathways so you
can get motor control back.
The pamphlet shook while I tried to
read it, thanks to my damn hand or
nerves or whatever wasn’t working
anymore. While she was here, I did my
best to hide all this from Avery. She’d
feel guilty if she knew how hard this
was, and I didn’t want that. Or worse,
she might quit college to help me.
“Hey, listen,” I said, interrupting two
different conversations. The doctor,
nurses, my parents and Jen all looked at
me, startled. “I need some rest. Some
quiet.”
I closed my eyes before I could see
them all pass around a hurt look. After
some murmurs, the light went out and the
room went quiet.
I didn’t really want quiet or to be
alone. I wanted to be out there
somewhere, on a slope training or even
on a run. Hell, I’d take being in Avery’s
head while she went for a run. Anything
but this, away from her, hardly able to
control my body.
I knew I was slipping down in a hole
of self-pity, but it felt kinda good at the
moment. I tried rolling onto my side,
giving it to it just this once.
Chapter Eight
Jasmine
“See you tomorrow, Jasmine!” Matt
called as we left advanced drawing. I
gave a little wave, wishing once again
that I could like him. He’s super friendly
and good looking with dark brown eyes
and this rich, golden brown skin that I
want to paint in a portrait sometime, and
he’s been talking to me since we had a
class together last term. But I just
haven’t felt it.
Truth be told, I haven’t really felt it
with anyone for a while, not since
Corbin. I’ve had a few dates and some
hanging out with different guys, and then
I tried a relationship with Drake. He
was great for a couple of weeks, but then
he kept cancelling on me and always had
something else to do. I dumped him in a
text. Maybe he knew I wasn’t that into
him anyway. It doesn’t work that well to
try something new when you’re stuck on
someone else.
I’ve spent a year and a half trying to
get over Corbin, and it’s been like
pulling myself out of molasses…while
not wanting to give up the molasses.
Even while I tried dating other people, I
ended up seeing him again and ruining
everything.
My phone buzzed. Avery was
supposed to be heading back down here
soon so I pulled it out right away, but
then I got a funny feeling before looking
at it. I checked it while walking down
the hallway. It was from him.
What you up to?
Corbin’s face came up beside the
text, stopping me like it does every time.
I stepped to the side of the hallway.
God, I hated this. I hated how one
tiny little text from him sent my heart
pounding and my entire body lighting up.
And I especially hated how I would
spend at least five minutes thinking about
what to text back.
Not seeing you today asshole—
That’s what I wanted to send and should
send, but I knew I wouldn’t. I could just
say I was busy. I was. And I didn’t have
to drop my plans every time he got horny
or bored. He’d spend a few hours with
me and then disappear again. Why
couldn’t I write him off? I didn’t need
this anymore.
Corbin was my artist when I got my
first tattoo. I researched online to find
the perfect style, and he worked at a
shop in Medford. The tattoo took three
hours and we talked the entire time. We
clicked, like really really clicked. He
thought like me on so many things. He
said the same lines as me. He had some
of the same mannerisms as me. He even
loved art like me. He ended up asking
me out for a date that night to celebrate
my first ink.
Corbin was tall, but not too tall at
five foot eight. His eyes were light
brown with tiny flecks of gold and green
in them, and his skin was light cocoa. He
had two full sleeve tattoos and others all
over his body, some he did himself. The
guy was amazing with a tattoo machine. I
couldn’t argue that even if I wished I
could forget him.
Corbin came on strong and romantic
in the beginning, and I fell like I’ve
never fallen.
He was charming too, almost in an
old fashioned way where he made a
show of getting the door or putting an
arm around me. Somehow he knew all
the things I liked, and he’d play with my
hair and touch my side when he walked
by me.
I still don’t understand it. He wasn’t
that good looking. And now I know he
wasn’t even that great of a kisser.
Thinking back, though, I loved
everything about him at the time. Just
being around him made everything feel
okay. The world slowed down and I
could breathe. He was like my center.
But about six weeks into it he said he
didn’t want to commit to one person. It
didn’t change things, though, not at first.
We still hung out and had fun, but then he
dropped off the radar for two weeks.
The next time, it was a month. Every
time I thought I could move on and get
over him, he came around.
I loved and fucking hated him all at
the same time. Maybe that’s what kept
me so addicted, how he popped in and
out of my life, making me chase him.
So now I’d spent more than five
minutes starting a text and deleting it
again. How did he do this to me? My
anger sparked and grew, and suddenly
my head felt so hot that I couldn’t
breathe. The floor felt like it was tilting.
What the hell?
This couldn’t be just from the text.
The feeling lifted and I stumbled toward
the exit, but then it got worse as I left the
building. People pushed by me while I
tried to orientate myself.
“Jazz?” A male voice said my name
right next to me. Only a few people use
that version of my name, but I didn’t
recognize the voice. I reached a hand out
and got shocked. Literally. I got zapped
when my hand touched a wool sweater.
“Are you all right?”
I shook my head and peeked over,
too woozy to really look at him. The
wool sweater was a dark green. His
faint cologne drifted to me, smelling
slightly familiar, a very subtle mix of
something exciting and spicy, but light at
the same time.
Before I could place the cologne, I
felt his arm come around my back and I
let him lead me off to the side of the
building where I could lean against the
wall. That helped. I hadn’t realized how
badly everything was spinning.
I stood sideways, the wall holding
me up and whoever helped me standing
in front of me waiting for some kind of
answer.
“Thanks. Yes, I’m fine. I just felt odd
for a moment.” I still did, actually, so I
kept my eyes closed and rubbed my
forehead with the palm on my hand.
“Odd?” he asked, and when he kept
talking it sounded like he was talking to
himself. “I felt some kind of odd
sensation a second ago too, like I wasn’t
here. I mean… never mind. You texted
about Avery’s homework. That’s why I
came up to you, but are you okay?”
Memory clicked then. The dizziness
lifted like a fog when the morning sun
hits it.
“Nash. Hi…” I looked up at Nash
Phillips—way up since he’s around six
foot and I’m a short Japanese girl. He
leaned toward me, protectively I thought,
but I pushed that idea away. He hardly
knew me. Still, he watched me with
troubled eyes like he was worried about
me.
Tall, handsome, quiet Nash. The man
with the beautiful olive skin and dark
brown eyes that hint at green. I thought
Avery was so lucky when they got
together, but then that whole thing fell
apart in a bloody mess.
He’s book smart and nerdy from
what I’ve heard about him, but still
really hot.
“Do you need to sit down?” he
asked, searching my face, and probably
wondering why I was gawking up at him.
“Uh, no. I’m fine.” I looked down,
trying to remember the line of
conversation. “Avery’s coming back to
class and I wanted to help her catch up.”
His eyes narrowed just enough for
me to notice, and his mouth turned down
at the corners. I hadn’t noticed before,
but he had very nice lips.
“You didn’t answer,” I said, “so I
can assume you’re not interested in
helping?”
He held my gaze.
“Why didn’t you go on that trip to the
coast?” he asked, and it was so random
and sudden that I just opened my mouth
in confusion, unable to find any words.
He meant the one where Kyle kissed
Avery and our circle of friends got
obliterated? “Sorry. Never mind that too.
I have some notes and papers for…her.”
He opened his backpack and took out a
folder.
I planned to put it in my bag but for
some reason I opened the folder instead
and glanced at the two sets of neatly
labeled papers. It looked like I had put it
together. Guess I’m not the only
organization freak around here.
“Nash, thank you.” I did put them
away then, and suddenly I wondered
why he was on this part of campus. “You
don’t take any art classes, do you?”
“No, why?” He kept his gaze on me
all this time. I had to look away from the
intensity. “Oh, I just knew you did, and I
wanted to give those to you.”
He tracked me down for this? I
glanced back up at those searching eyes
and that feeling hit again. It wasn’t the
dizziness, but something that had been
coming and going for about a week now,
just some kind of strange sensation of
knowing.
“Are you sure you’re okay, Jazz?”
I liked how my name sounded on his
lips when he used the shortened form. I
stared for a minute before realizing I
hadn’t made any attempt to answer.
“I have to go. I’m late for class.”
He tilted his head, squinting a little
like he was curious, but he didn’t say
anything or try to stop me as I hurried
off.
What was that?
Had I made myself sick thinking
about Corbin? Or did I just need to eat?
I hurried to my next class—in the
English department—even though I was
really late. Everyone was seated and our
professor Tony was walking to the board
when I slipped in and sat in my normal
seat. I dug a energy bar out of my
backpack pocket and nibbled it, trying to
pull together some scattered thought.
That feeling, it’d started in a dream the
first time. I wasn’t sure what that meant.
I found myself wishing this was
drawing or painting, instead of an
English lecture, because I’d rather be
doing something than sitting with my
thoughts running crazy circles in my
head.
Nash was hot, smart, and a little
mysterious to me, but he wasn’t my type
at all. I mean, yeah, he was hot and
looked somewhat like Corbin. But he’d
dated a friend. So why had that thought
even crossed my mind?
I began discreetly sketching a blurry,
dreamlike picture of a boat on water in
my notebook so I could keep my mind
off of Nash. It quickly became apparent
I’d have to paint this. It’d work much
better in oils than pencil. So I switched
to practicing henna designs, making
circles, swirls and flowers. I have a box
of new henna mud waiting for me at
home, and I’m dying to try some designs
on skin again.
Will Avery miss drawing, if she
can’t anymore? That whole situation
blew my mind. I can’t believe it, and yet
I saw the artwork she did while Marcus
was supposedly in her head. I’m just
glad it’s over…and secretly glad it
wasn’t me dealing with all of that.
For some reason, that thought led me
back to Nash. Whatever weird thing
happened back there, I’m staying the hell
away from it.
My phone buzzed in my pocket,
making me jump. I slipped it out as
carefully as I could so the professor
wouldn’t see. It was a text—from Nash.
Odd, since I was just thinking about him.
And also odd because we’d just talked.
When is Avery coming back?
Damn. He was still in love with her.
I sighed and texted, Tonight.
He texted right back: So you don’t
need tomorrow’s notes?
Is that why he was asking? I puzzled
over it, realized I was overthinking it
like I usually do, and then answered: I
don’t think so. I’ll let you know. Thanks
so much.
When his next text came, it wasn’t
what I expected.
I’m happy to help you.
Help me, not Avery?
Could he actually be over her? I
know how mad he was after the coast
trip when Kyle kissed Avery…or Avery
kissed Kyle, according to Kristina’s
point of view. Whatever happened,
somehow it brought out the whole thing
about Marcus in Avery’s head—at least
Nash heard about it. Kristina never did.
Shit, it was a lot of drama.
Part of me hoped Avery wouldn’t
make it back today, or at all, so Nash
would keep talking to me instead of
directly to Avery. The rest of me felt
horrible for feeling that way of course. I
wanted Avery to come back and catch up
in school and fix things with Kristina.
We were all so tight, and now Kristina
was avoiding all of us. I haven’t talked
to Dawn because she was more
Kristina’s friend, but she was still a part
of our group.
Avery’s been gone. The guys are
gone for good, but I’m not sure if I regret
that. Kyle was a prick and Steve was a
dumb jock that didn’t have any of his
own ideas. I haven’t asked Dawn if
she’s still seeing him.
I do regret making that phone call to
the Portland hospital about Avery. I
totally betrayed her. Yeah, I was worried
she’d lost it. I was worried she’d make a
fool of herself or even worse, put herself
or Marcus in danger somehow. I was
freaked out about the whole thing, worse
than I’ve ever been in my life.
I caught myself sighing and sunk
down into my seat. Tony even paused his
lecture to stare at me. It probably
sounded like I was bored out of my
mind. The truth is I’m getting a little
panicky from running all of this through
my head.
I shouldn’t have come to class; I
haven’t heard a word of the lecture. I
glanced around. Everyone was staring
ahead blankly, writing notes, or covertly
tapping on their phones.
I spaced the entire rest of class and
bolted when it ended. Outside, overcast
clouds made it feel too bright. Maybe I
just needed to go home and take a nap.
Maybe restart my day. I turned to head
back the other way and bumped into
someone.
“Sorry—Nash?”
“Hi… I wanted to make sure you
were okay.”
We both stared. What could I say
after our earlier conversation?
“I’m fine.” People streamed by as
we stood still. I couldn’t take any more
of this, whatever it was, and started
walking away.
A minute later I glanced back. He’d
walked down the path but looked back
just as I did.
What the hell was going on between
us?
Chapter Nine
Avery
It’s a strange thing to come home
when you’re a completely different
person and everything has changed. I sat
in the idling car on the street. The house
stood there looking the same, and
somehow the dissidence of it all split me
down the middle.
Still, I pushed that aside, pulled into
the garage and turned off the car, and
started gathering things to take inside.
It’d gotten messy between running up to
Portland, the coast, back to Portland…
Too bad Portland and Ashland are on
opposite sides of the state and five hours
apart. Portland is literally at the very
north point while Ashland is just a few
miles short of the southern border with
California. At least they’re both on I-5.
“Avery?” Jazz’s soft voice sounded
surprised.
I turned around and couldn’t hold
back a smile of pleasure. She had her
long black hair up in a knot like she does
when she draws, and she wore a long
shirt over leggings.
“Jazz, oh my gosh, I’m glad to see
your face.” I stepped over and grabbed
her in a hug before she could argue.
A minute later she pulled back. “So
you’re really not mad?”
“Mad?” I really hoped it wouldn’t be
weird between us. I needed a friend.
“Jazz…”
“I totally turned you in.” Remorse
filled her fine features, crinkling her
face.
“Well, what were you supposed to
do?” I asked with a shrug. “Let’s just
forget about it.”
She looked at the car behind me and
grabbed a stack of stuff. I got my bag and
a few loose things and followed her
inside. We walked back to my room to
set things down and then I flopped
backwards across my bed while she sat
in the computer chair.
“This feels a little weird, being
home, like things are normal.” How
crazy did that sound?
“Tell me what happened at the
hospital.”
“They were planning to pull life
support. That was around when you
called. I was trying to talk them out of it,
but of course they didn’t believe me. I
know it sounded completely crazy. We
thought we were out of time… So we
went to the beach, Marcus and me.”
“How?”
“I drove…he talked. He wanted a
trip like that for us, like I did with
everyone else. We went and sat on the
beach.” The evening rushed back—those
beautiful, painful moments of quick
eternity—but I didn’t want to tell her
about all of it. “We talked all night, until
I fell asleep, and then he was gone in the
morning. I thought I’d lost him. But his
sister Jen called me to say he woke up.
Right when he woke up, he didn’t know
who I was.” I try to say the words in a
neutral voice. It’s hard describing the
moments when he looked at me like a
stranger, but I pushed through and told
her the rest. Then that phone call… Ave,
I love you, come home.
After several long quiet moments, I
told her, “I didn’t know I could fall for
someone like this.”
She didn’t comment. It wasn’t a bad
silence but I finally lifted my head and
looked at her. Skeptical Jazz. Her mouth
was twisted to one side.
“Like what?” she asked, like it was a
great mystery that she needed to figure
out tonight.
“Like… it’s my head and heart and
soul, and I want him, and I don’t feel
like I have any control over it. I just
need him. Just thinking about him makes
everything inside me sing.”
She stared at me hard, and I could
almost see smoke coming out of her ears.
Why was she analyzing this so hard? Her
gaze shifted to the wall above me and I
let her think for a while. She mumbled
something to herself, something like, so
you didn’t have any choice?
Should I comment on that? Did I
have anything to say? Then I noticed
something on her leg, sticking out of her
legging.
“Is that a tattoo?” I asked, sitting up.
She pulled her legging up to reveal a
swirly design in blue. “Temporary tattoo
in jagua ink. It’s natural like the henna I
showed you before.”
I leaned closer. The swirls blended
with a bird in flight. I did remember her
henna habit. She ordered this mud off
Amazon and drew patterns on her skin.
After the mud dried and flaked off, it left
a stain for a couple of weeks.
“This dries and comes off easier, but
the design disappears for a few hours.
Then it comes in dark blue like this.”
I had a feeling she liked it because it
looked like real ink—and I think she’d
mentioned wanting to become a tattoo
artist. At one point, I almost thought she
had dated one but she doesn’t talk about
that.
“That’s really good, Jazz.” I could
draw for a short while, with Marcus in
my head. I doubt I can now.
“I’m getting there.” She stood up,
still looking like her thoughts were
elsewhere.
“So what about rent?” I asked,
waving a hand toward the hallway and
Dawn and Kristina’s rooms. “Kris just
left?”
“Dawn is still here, but I think she
might be avoiding me and all of this… I
don’t know about Kris. She probably
assumes you want her gone.”
What was I going to do about that? I
already pay double rent because I get the
garage and this room, with its own
bathroom, but I can’t pay her part too. I
had a trust fund from my parents, but it
would only go so far. I had to budget like
a boss.
We’d already agreed it’d be hard to
get another roommate for spring term,
especially since it was underway
already. Jazz shrugged. This probably
freaked her out. She’s a planner.
“We’ll get it figured out,” I told her,
the best thing I could come up with.
“I have some studying to do,” she
said, stepping through the door and
adding, “I’m really glad you’re home.”
“Thanks, and goodnight,” I said,
although I had a feeling she was off to
draw or planning to head out. It used to
drive Kris nuts trying to figure Jazz out.
We all know she slips out to do things
she never tells us about, and I’m
guessing she’s hanging with other friends
or drawing henna on people, or even
taking more art classes. She’s very
serious about all of that.
She was also still freaked out about
this thing with Marcus and me. I decided
to give her some time before bringing all
this up again.
So now what? I texted Marcus to let
him know I’d arrived home safely.
I wished his guitar was here. I felt
the ache in my fingers to play, and the
music bubbling up in my chest, but I had
a sad feeling it wouldn’t work anymore.
I won’t have that connection that gave
me the ability to draw and play music.
The realization scared me. I stood up
suddenly started pacing in my small
room, finding my hand tangled up in my
hair, pulling on it. I wanted him. To
touch him. To see him. So why does it
bother me that I lost the other
connection, and the way things were
before?
But what if I could have some of
those things? Maybe I can learn on my
own. I grabbed a sheet of paper and a
pencil, then sat and stared at the lined
blankness. I put the pencil down and
started to move it. Without letting myself
make the thought, I knew I was trying to
draw Marcus. I tried to draw like he
would, starting where he would start,
and slowly filling in with the eyes, the
shape of his nose, his mouth.
To my surprise, my hand created
what I saw in my mind. It worked! I
drew him. I wanted to draw his smile
but for some reason, the eyes aren’t quite
smiling—they were intensely looking out
at me.
Oh, my gosh. I had captured his
expression when he zeros in on my face,
the look when he’s about to kiss me.
I suddenly heard my breathing:
quick, happy, almost like a laugh over
my creation. I grabbed my phone and
snapped a picture, planning to text it to
him. But then again, this was for me.
And he hadn’t texted back so he was
probably sleeping already.
I felt strange about it now and put the
phone down. It was really late anyway.
So I stared at the drawing a few
minutes and then got ready for bed. And
I thought I was okay until I got under the
covers, staring up at the ceiling, feeling
all this darkness and aloneness all
around me. And quietness. I wanted
music. I thought about getting my phone
to play some, but then I heard Marcus
playing his guitar and singing in my
head.
Why did it hurt so much? The bed
felt wrong just like my life, and I
couldn’t understand why I felt that way.
Marcus was okay. We were okay. Life
was fixable now.
The “fixable” just felt so big and
scary right now.
“Marcus?” I whispered into the dark,
gazing blindly up at the ceiling. “Are you
there? I need you.”
I tried to breathe but my body shook,
so I rolled onto my side and curled up,
squeezing my eyes shut.
How was I supposed to focus on my
life here when my thoughts would be up
there with him?
I needed escape.
Please just let me go to sleep.
The words were like a prayer and I
felt myself falling into sweet oblivion.
It wasn’t empty; it was the silence of
a white, padded world where everything
is brighter, clearer. The smell of snow
filled my nose. Clean. Crisp. The cold,
clean air shot into my lungs like a drug,
racing through my veins and hitting my
brain with a burst of serotonin. Pure
happiness filled me.
I had a board under me and miles of
pristine powder stretching out, inviting
me to explore. Diamond-like sparkles
speckled the snow, dancing in the
sunlight and leading the way as I raced
forward. Clear blue sky blessed me from
above. Smelling pine, I turned my head.
A forest stood off on one side decorating
the edge of the clearing, and a mountain
beckoned before me.
My core temp came up from the
excitement. Pure, so pure. Such a
singleness—it was just what I needed. I
became aware of the board shhhing over
the snow, and I suddenly loved that
sound with a terrifying intensity.
Overflowing with gratitude, I yelled
out, my jubilant voice filling the
meadow and slopes and gullies.
I turned my body and took a new
direction, gliding over a rolling section
that felt like waves under me.
The slopes!
Marcus?
He filled my soul, his joy matching
mine.
How’d we get here, babe?
I don’t know! I just know it feels
great!
I know, right!! Let’s hit this!
With a whoop, we moved together,
flying toward a hill, anticipation of the
jump practically lifting us before the
takeoff. We flew off the top.
It wasn’t anything fancy. No flips. No
180. No board grabbing.
The beauty of the ride just froze us in
a silent flight out over the powder,
feeling the cold wind on our skin. That’s
what alive feels like. We landed, knees
soft, and glided down.
My thoughts swirled, wondering how
Marcus felt out here, with…reality back
there. I felt his mind react, turn toward
that thought, and then shove it away.
Who cares about that now?
I didn’t. Not when I can have this.
Wow, deep powder out here today.
I pulled in a super deep breath,
wanting to capture as much as I could
from here. I’d need it later.
We took the downhill, swinging
around the few trees and enjoying it
silently. Just being here. Just being.
A sharp incline came up and we took
it fast. Probably too fast. It didn’t matter.
We soared higher than possible, flying,
laughing in the face of life.
I expected a complete yard sale but
we just fell into the snow and rolled.
That’s when I became aware we were
both there—it wasn’t just his voice and
being filling my head. We were both
lying in the snow. His laughter filled the
air, full and sure, one of those laughs that
pause life. We ended up side by side on
our backs, my arm over his.
I rolled my head to look at him—this
was so different to see his face, the sky
reflected in his eyes, the white of his
teeth as he smiled.
What is this, I wondered, and he
lifted his eyebrows in answer.
Just us. We’re different.
I laughed.
I love you, babe.
Marcus…
Light filtered in.
I was waking up in bed, alone. I felt
around under the covers, half expecting
Marcus to still be with me. He wasn’t,
of course.
I’ve been free falling. When his life
was in danger, nothing else mattered. But
then he went back to his body, and out of
my head, and I think I lost my way.
Marcus has dreams and a career.
He’s going to fight like hell to get strong
again and go after more competitions
and medals. I know he can do it.
I need to remember my dreams and
my life, and get back up and fix all of
this. I don’t know if I can catch up on my
school work and pass, or if I can fix
things with my friends, but I’m not going
to lay around and cry about it anymore.
Chapter Ten
Marcus
Whoa.
I grinned at the ceiling in the mostly
dark room, still filled with warmth. With
Avery. That was mind blowing. Freeing.
So crazy.
Holy shit, I needed that—a few
minute out on the slopes, a few minutes
with the woman I love. A life line, that’s
what that was.
I’d been spiraling down into…
depression? Was that depression? It was
new to me, this thing that sucked the life
and energy and drive out of me. Being
stuck here, like this, was killing me.
Not anymore… not after that and
feeling so close to Avery again. The
dream didn’t make any sense, but neither
did the rest of my life. Like, how did I
end up in this hospital bed? How did I
end up in Avery’s head? Why Avery?
Why me?
That was the most mysterious part.
Why would a guy like me end up with
her? Did fate have some crazy ass sense
of humor? I can still remember those
first few days in her head and how timid
she seemed. If I would have been some
guy on the street (but still like me) and
she met me, we probably wouldn’t have
made eye contact. I would have checked
her out, and she would have looked
down and hurried away.
And yet we were thrown together so
we couldn’t even hide our thoughts from
each other. Maybe that was for a reason.
Maybe the universe wanted me to help
Avery come out of her shell. I know she
believes it happened so she could save
my life, but maybe I’ve helped her too.
And I have to make sure I keep doing
that. I can’t let her leave her life in ruins.
It’s my fault, but I’m going to make sure
it gets fixed.
I stretched my body in the bed,
feeling weak and sore, but I wouldn’t
trade any of this if that meant I didn’t
know her. That clarity surprised me.
Maybe I was finally getting my head on
straight.
I was alone for a change. It was too
early for my family, and the staff was
letting me rest. Anytime now, though, the
nurses and therapist would intrude again
and want me to go through all the
monkey tricks.
Man, I’m starting to sound bitter. I’m
alive. I’m in one piece. I’m going to
recover. After all I’ve been through to
get to here, this should be nothing. I’ve
trained long and hard, and chased my
dream all across the world. I’ve gone
farther than I ever thought possible…
even though I believed in it too.
Now I would chase my health and
Avery. Just her name made me close my
eyes, my body perking up and wanting
her.
“Marc?” Jen’s soft voice startled me.
“Oh, hey, sis. You’re here early.” I
fumbled around until I found the button
to raise the bed. She reached for it too.
“I got it. I can do some things for
myself.”
“Like fall in love while you’re in a
coma?”
“Huh, guess I can’t slip too much
past you.” I tried for a laugh and she did
too. “Does it make any sense to you?”
“Nope.”
She turned away from me and
attached something to the wall, a big
poster board. When she stepped back, I
could see it was filled with photos of me
in snow gear, others with me grinning
with my boys, and our boards in the
picture half of the time. A few photos
showed me airborne in the middle of a
flip on the slopes. My life stared back at
me in photos. That’s who I am, not this
weak person lying here.
“I thought some good memories
might encourage you.” She folded her
arms and stared at it for a minute before
sitting by the bed.
“Noice! Thanks, sis.” I held up my
fist and she gave me some love. We both
looked at the photos for a minute and
then I realized what was missing.
“Where are you?”
“What?”
“You should have put some with you,
sis.”
She laughed and dropped her head.
Jen’s more of a behind-the-scenes
person, but she’s always been there for
me. I wished I had pictures of Avery and
me too. Wait…
“Hey, will you check over there and
see if she left my drawings?” I pointed,
my heart jumping when I saw a stack of
papers. Jen flipped through them, a smile
forming on her face, and then she
laughed.
“This is me.”
“Yup. Avery got so jealous when I
drew that! I didn’t know who it was.”
“Really?” She glanced at me several
times while she tacked my drawings to
the wall. “How did that work? You
could draw while you were in her head,
but you didn’t even know who you were
drawing?”
“Yeah, I drew some of those in the
middle of the night. She was sleeping
and I somehow made us get up, and I
used her hand to draw. I had this vague
memory of you. Then Avery found them
in the morning.”
Thankfully Jen turned away then and
didn’t see my evil grin. That night I also
sneaked a peek at a few of Avery’s
things…like her panty drawer. I wonder
if Avery knew about that? I guess there’s
a few surprises we can still share.
Now I did have a more complete
mosaic of my life with Jen and Avery.
We’d have to put some up of mom and
dad too, if I was here much longer. I
ignored that thought and focused on the
moment.
A minute later, I asked, “You think
Mom and Dad will come around about
Avery?”
“Don’t they have to?” she asked right
back.
I laughed and then had to explain. “I
sounded like you there and you were
being me.”
She gave me a huh face until she got
it. “Cause I’m reassuring you? I always
do, you dork.”
She was waving her hand at me and I
was swatting her away when we noticed
our parents.
“Oh, hey, good morning.” I gave Jen
a mock glare.
“It’s nice to see you two having fun.”
Mom gave my dad a big ol’ smile. “Isn’t
it?” She kinda looked like a 40s
housewife for a minute there, and her
voice even matched.
“It is.” Dad clamped a hand on my
shoulder. “Laughter’s the best medicine.
You’ll be up and running again in no
time with your attitude.”
“He’s always had a great attitude,”
Jen said, rolling her eyes. She’s like our
little police officer sometimes!
“Now, Jen,” Dad started. I just
smiled, watching them pick at each
other. Better than soap operas. That
reminded me of my Grams watching “her
shows.” I do love my family.
“Now, Avery got home safely and
back to class?”
I had no idea about the class part, but
I said, “Yup.”
“She’s been a real sweetheart to
you.” Mom waited half a beat before
giving Dad a look. They had a funny way
of arguing.
“Yeah, she has,” he said reluctantly.
“She coming back up next
weekend?” Jen asked, and it was the
natural next question. But it was a
loaded question—as in a bulldog loaded
up on bad burritos and about to blow.
“Think that’s the plan,” I said,
keeping it short.
Dad glanced at Mom and cleared his
throat. “Don’t you think it’d be better for
her to focus on school and not run up
here again?”
I opened my mouth but couldn’t
respond. I’d wondered that too actually.
But, damn, I wanted to see her. She
would be here on the weekend, not
during class, but he had a point.
Still, I knew Avery would be
miserable if she stayed down there,
away from me. Knowing her, she’d be
thinking about me and worrying and not
studying anyway.
My parents and Jen were all staring
at me, and I got the ugly feeling that Dad
thought he was making ground. Why did
he want to keep her away from me in the
first place? Did he think she was
slowing my recovering or hurting me
somehow? I shook my head, jaw
clenched, trying to find the words to put
this doubt to rest.
“I love her,” I said. “She’s a big part
of my life, and she’s going to be around.
Okay? I know you don’t understand it
all, but you love and trust me, and this is
my life.”
My throat tightened while I waited
for my dad to respond. I wanted to hear
him say something. The quiet in the room
built until he finally pulled in a slow
breath. A knock on the wall by the door
stopped him from speaking.
“Marcus! Ready for today’s
session?” Jared, a stout, fit man of about
thirty, spoke while walking into the room
and flipping through the papers on his
clipboard. He had big ears and usually a
super wide smile, but when he looked
up, he got concerned as he glanced
between my family members.
“Jared! I am. Let’s go.” He’d save
me from this hell, even if he was taking
me to another one.
“Do you want us to come?” Jen
asked.
I shook my head. I couldn’t take any
more family group stuff. So Jared helped
me into the wheelchair.
As he wheeled me down the hall, he
said quietly, “Your family means well.
It’s hard on the families.”
I snorted.
“Yeah, I know. All’s I’m saying is
they got it hard too.”
I scoffed this time, but not loud
enough for him to hear me. This negative
shit wasn’t like me. I didn’t like it.
We entered the therapy room and I
looked around at the torture devices. The
rails to help me stand and walk taunted
me.
“Ya know,” he said, turning to survey
the room with me. “You’re doing way
better than I could have expected.”
Maybe it had helped me, being
inside Avery’s head. I wasn’t really in a
coma, not like other people have been. I
was active and thinking, and that might
have kept my body strong. Before Jared
could turn, I tried to grip the wheelchair
arms and push up. My hands didn’t grip
all the way but I found some inner
strength to propel myself up outta the
chair…
And almost into Jared.
My legs played stupid and buckled.
“Whoa!” He caught me like I was a
kid and lowered me back down. “Let’s
do this right, man. One thing at a time.
One step at a time.”
I stared at his chest, blood flooding
my face so fast I couldn’t hear. What if
my limbs didn’t start listening to me?
Was I going to be a ragdoll the rest of my
life?
“Listen, Marcus, you know this will
take work. Small steps at first. I mean,
you trained to make it to the Olympics,
so I know you know how to work hard
and be patient.”
Fuck, I wasn’t going to sit here and
dwell on this. I motioned for him to get
started. I knew we had the stretches first.
He kept talking the entire time, as he
moved my good arm.
“I know you want to get back on that
snowboard… and you want to be there
for your girl.”
“You a mind reader now?” I asked,
but only halfway irritated.
“It’s the truth, ain’t it? You’ve got
lots to motivate you.”
“Yeah, and I’m still sitting here.”
Jared turned and looked around.
“Why don’t we get to work? Show me
what you can do.”
I thought back to how I gave Avery
strength when I was in her head. That
was all mental. Snowboarding is mental.
Winning is mental. It all starts in your
head.
“I can work hard,” I told Jared. “I
don’t care how hard it is or how much it
hurts. I just want to be my own person
again, and soon.”
He grinned. “That’s what I like to
hear.”
That’s what I wanted to show
everyone, and Avery most of all.
Chapter Eleven
Avery
The world was waking up outside
but I wanted to cherish the soft, warm,
safe feeling in my bed for just a few
minutes more. Why, I kept wondering,
was I feeling so timid about going on
with life? What was I so afraid of now?
Was it just because so much had
changed, and I couldn’t find the horizon
anymore?
I’ve lived through a lot of change.
Losing my parents, and knowing it was
my dad’s fault. I had to start out on my
own. I’ve left so many things buried
thinking I wouldn’t have to deal with
them. I’m not sure why it clicked into
place at this moment, but I realized I
needed to tie up all those loose threads
in my life. My dad was gone; he’d never
get to right what happened or even
apologize for it, but I know he would
want to. Somehow I have to find a way
to let that go and remember all the good
times we shared before they died.
My life is completely different again,
but it’s good changes, right? I have
Marcus in my life now. Jazz is still my
friend. I would just have to fix the rest of
it.
My first day back; I can do this. I
threw back the covers, got up and got
ready. It was so nice outside I rode my
bike to school. The air smelled fresh and
clean, a soft breeze kissed my skin, and
blue sky showed through the clouds in
places. A good sign.
I locked my bike up and it felt good
walking onto campus. And the first
person I recognized as I navigated
through the walkways was Ettore. I
flashed him a smile and rushed over,
swinging my arms up to hug him.
Then I realized we weren’t exactly
hugging friends, but he hugged me back.
We always talked in class but I hadn’t
spoken to him since all the crazy
happenings.
“Damn, Avery, you won’t believe the
rumors I heard…and now I’m wondering
after that hug.” He blushed, looking
down at me. My super tall friend.
“I… yeah, things got weird for me.
Headed this way?” We turned and
walked together, talking all the way
there like old times. Maybe some things
wouldn’t change on me.
My day turned into a day of catching
up. First I had to make sure I could still
attend this term. Then I had to catch up
with professors and try to explain things,
then get back assignments, and beg for
more time. It was all too much, so I tried
to make a list and work through it, not
thinking about the actual work part yet.
In the halls and outside, people were
sliding glances at me but no one made
eye contact. Did they all know? Were the
rumors going around about how I’d gone
off the deep end? I could go to the
middle of campus and scream at the top
of my lungs, “He’s real! He’s alive! I’m
not crazy!” But I think that would defeat
the point.
I laughed to myself as I walked,
thinking how Marcus would like that too.
Hell, he’d probably do it.
Isn’t that funny?
But he can’t hear me anymore.
I sighed and looked ahead, and
someone caught my eye. I recognized his
silhouette and took off running. “Nash!”
He paused mid step for a half second
before he just kept going.
“Nash!” I ran up beside him. He
stared ahead, his face stone like, while I
caught my breath. “Please just give me a
minute to talk to you.”
His gaze slid over and returned to
the path. “Sixty seconds and counting.”
“I’m really sorry for putting you
through all of that.”
“If you had something going on with
him, why did you string me along?”
What? I tried to catch up mentally but
didn’t do too well on that aspect. “Nash,
I wasn’t sure he was real.”
He twisted his face up and held up
his palms, giving up on all of this, I
guess.
“I saw his video on Facebook,” he
said in a flat voice. Somehow there was
still a lot of emotion behind it.
I didn’t know anything about that. I
looked around, helpless, wishing for
something to say to help this situation.
“It doesn’t make any sense.”
“Yeah, I know.” He turned and
walked off at an almost sprint.
I walked away, deflated and hurt.
Yeah, I really hurt him but I didn’t mean
to. I really liked Nash before Marcus
fell into my head and life. I tried to
shake the guilt off and get on with my
day—with so much to do I couldn’t
allow myself a pity party right now.
Two hours later, back at home, I
threw my backpack on my bed and
starting unloading it. Looking at my
books and notebooks, everything came
crashing down. How was I going to
write three papers, a short story
revolving around smell, a paper on a
short poem I didn’t like, a movie
critique for my film class…and I hadn’t
watched the movie yet…and all of the
reading. Oh, and an assignment where I
find a song as the background.
I felt too overwhelmed to think
straight. Maybe I needed to move more. I
dropped down and started doing
pushups.
Then I laughed out loud. Marcus
would love this—he wasn’t here to push
me and I was doing pushups on my own.
I finished twenty, then did fifty sit ups,
and finally dug through my dresser for
running clothes.
It was early evening when I went
outside, with puffy clouds all over the
twilight sky, but no rain. The cool air felt
perfect. This April was turning out to be
a warm one. I took off, knowing I was
procrastinating on my school work, but I
needed to clear my head before digging
into it.
At first I missed Marcus and wanted
to hear his voice, but soon I found my
rhythm and just listened to his songs in
my head. I didn’t think about how far or
how long I ran; I simply ran along at a
comfortable pace, imagining that each
step cleared my head a little more. I
headed out of town a ways and turned
back when it felt too dark to safely run.
I was back by the houses when a car
came up alongside me, its loud engine
startling me. I knew it was one of those
little racing cars before looking over at
the low rider Honda.
Was Kris still hanging out with Kyle
and driving it? I ducked down to see the
driver and met Kyle’s brown-eyed gaze.
Fuck. Goosebumps went all the way
down my back.
He pulled the car to the curb and shut
off the engine. Why did he do that? I
wanted to take off running at first, but I
decided to face him and walked around
to the driver’s side—there were houses
on both sides and even a person pulling
into their driveway.
He watched me through the window,
then got out slowly and shut the door.
That made me nervous, but he leaned
against the car in a nonthreatening way.
I hadn’t seen him or heard anything
about him since the trip to the coast. It
had all taken a back seat to saving
Marcus’s life. Now it rushed back, how
he tried to kiss me and got Kris mad at
me, and even before that how he played
games with my life.
I crossed my arms and glared.
“You’re a real asshole.”
He reacted physically, wincing like I
had pinged him with a bullet.
“I know, I did figure that out.” He
combed his fingers through his hair, then
slid both hands in his jeans pockets.
“I’m sorry about everything. I really
want a chance to apologize to you.”
Sorry? Mr. Movie Star Looks and
Charm was sorry?
Was he genuine? Or just trying to
make points to get back with Kris? Or
still trying to mess around with me?
“I shouldn’t have tried anything over
on the coast. I don’t know why…” He
shrugged, a helpless shrug like it was out
of his control. My anger spiked.
“What are you after?”
“Just wanted to apologize?” He
looked around, self-conscious. “Kris
and I are over. I’m not trying to make
anything happen here. I just saw you and,
well… we were all friends and I
screwed it up.”
He squinted at me.
Had we really been friends? He’d
dated Kristina for a year after him and I
broke up, but we were more fake friends
than real, just playing parts for Kris. I
glanced around because I didn’t know
how to react or what to say. The
neighborhood was quiet but my heart
started pounding super hard. I heard it in
my ears and felt it in my fingertips. It
didn’t help that I’d been running.
“And what about before?” I asked.
That little simple word was dirty in this
case. I thought back to that night and the
nightmares. It doesn’t bother me like it
used to, but it was still wrong of him.
“I’m sorry about that too,” he said
quietly, his face down for a long minute.
Then he made eye contact again and
repeated, “I’m sorry. I’ve been stupid.
That was really stupid, and mean, and
I’m sorry I scared you.”
I don’t ever let myself think about
that night with Kyle so long ago—how I
didn’t want to go all the way with him
and he punched the wall. The weird part
was, I always felt embarrassed about it.
Humiliated even. But I didn’t do
anything wrong.
I stepped back, wanting to run away
from the emotions bubbling up like hot
lava.
“I guess we should have talked about
that a long time ago. I lost it, and I was
wrong. I was embarrassed too, you
know? I knew I did something wrong,
and I don’t know. I got with Kris, and
we all acted like things were normal.”
We did. It had been easier that way,
but not better. I wasn’t going to admit
that to him now though.
“No one else knew things weren’t.” I
bumped the toe of one sneaker into the
ground.
“But maybe things can be fixed, you
know?” A car rolled by and we waited it
out. It wasn’t like they could hear us
from inside the car but it felt right to
wait. He held out his hands. “Is there’s
something I can do to make things
right…”
I swiveled around slowly, thinking,
wondering about this. When I turned
back his way, I asked point blank,
“Where is this coming from?”
“That’s the crazy thing.” His voice
picked up, excited. “I had these dreams.
They were so real. Well, the dreams
were really shitty, but I dreamed like I
was you, like on the other end of things,
and saw what I did.”
I stepped back again, this time
disbelief almost knocking me over. He
had dreams? That was something
special. He didn’t deserve to be a part
of this thing that had touched both
Marcus and me. I took another step back,
shaking my head.
“I know, I know, it sounds nuts. And
even if you can’t believe me, you can
see I’m different right?” He straightened
up, holding his hands out like he was
begging. “And it was awful. I didn’t
know. But please believe me. I even
talked to my mom and told her
everything. I’ve actually been looking
for you so I could apologize.”
I turned away, a hand over my mouth.
I couldn’t believe it, not because I didn’t
believe it could happen, but because I
couldn’t believe he got to have dreams.
A memory floated to the surface in
my mind, from that day on the coast trip.
I came downstairs and he was talking to
his mom on the phone. It sounded like
she was sick because he kept saying
he’d go home and take care of her.
“Do you believe me? At least
believe how sorry I am?”
I faced him again. He stood, palms
out, pleading with wounded eyes. Maybe
he did understand the pain he caused.
And I have to believe him about the
dreams. I didn’t trust my voice to sound
normal so I nodded.
He fell back against the car, his gaze
on me, and as odd as it was, we shared a
brief look of understanding.
I nodded again and started off
slowly, feeling dazed. I had to get away
so I could breathe. It was like leaving a
long movie and emerging into the bright
daylight outside of the theater. He was
quiet behind me, and I waited until I
reached the corner and turned before
looking back. Kyle was still leaning
against his car.
It didn’t seem fair. I couldn’t shake
the feeling even though I knew it wasn’t
reasonable. So what if Kyle got to
experience something special, something
that I thought was just for Marcus and
me? It changed his mind. It completely
changed him, and for the better. I should
be relieved about that, and happy that he
apologized, right?
It felt bitter in my mouth. I couldn’t
accept it yet, not that part. I knew I
would, but right now I wasn’t ready.
Another thought popped up… Hadn’t
Jazz asked about having dreams? I had
forgotten about it since then, and even
while Marcus and I had dreamed
together. It didn’t seem to relate to Jazz
at all, but if Kyle had special dreams
maybe Jazz dreamed about something
too. Marcus and I had dreamed about
snowboarding together, and Kyle and
dreamed about how he acted and how it
affected me, so what would Jazz dream
about? It didn’t make any sense, and I
was twisting my brain into a knot.
I looked up, still dazed, and realized
I was home already. The house was
empty and dark inside so I flicked on all
the lights as I walked back to my room.
Tonight, I didn’t even check the time,
didn’t stop to take a shower, I just called
Marcus.
“Hey, babe, how’s it going?” His
voice held pleasure and excitement. I
wanted to fall into it. That voice was so
familiar, like my own now. I needed that
reassurance. I needed to know we still
had a connection.
“Good. I think.” I stopped
awkwardly, wanting to tell him about
Kyle but not wanting to start off our
conversation with that. “School’s kinda
crazy, but I expected that. I have so much
to do.”
He didn’t answer right back, and I
bit my lip. Of course, I wasn’t looking at
physical therapy and the uncertainty that
he was. I wanted to backtrack and asked,
“How are you feeling?”
He spoke too, saying, “You can do it,
Ave. I know how determined you are.”
“Thanks… you doing okay?”
He made a noise, and this time I
couldn’t tell what it meant. Irritated?
“I’m okay. Just trying to get up and
get moving.”
Oh, that was the noise.
“So I went for a short run.” I thought
I might be able to lead into what just
happened.
“You’re running without me?”
Amusement. Good, he wasn’t sad about
it.
“I wasn’t sure where to start on the
homework so I worked out instead. I just
got back actually.” How to tell him about
Kyle? I put it off by mumbling, “I
probably need a shower…”
Of course, that brought up all kinds
of pictures. Wow, my mind went down
that road real quick.
“Oh, really? I jumped in the shower
with you once, and as I recall, you fell
out backwards.” He laughed softly. “But
that was nothing compared to what it did
to me. God, I wish you were here. I wish
we could be together.”
I sighed, then teased, “And may I
remind you that you told me to come
back to school.”
“Don’t make me regret it. Cause I’ll
have to…” He got lost in his own
thoughts for a while. I waited, confused.
Then he said, “When I’m up to speed,
even halfway up to speed, I’m going to
show you all the things I’ve been
thinking about.”
I sucked in my breath as heat sprang
to life lower in my body. Luckily he
remained quiet. I wasn’t sure I could
handle it if he started actually sharing
those plans…
Now it really felt strange to bring up
Kyle. After a quiet minute, I finally came
up with something else. “So did you and
your parents talk about me? About what
happened before?”
A pause.
“Yeah… a little bit.”
“I’m wondering how your parents
will feel when I come back up there.”
Actually, I wanted to know if they’d
tried to do anything to prevent that, or if
they would. I didn’t want to paint them
as villains to their own son, so I was
treading lightly.
“Ahh, they’re still weirded out. They
just need time, babe. They’ll come
around.”
Was he holding back? What if we
were both sitting on things and not
sharing?
“Hmm, hmm,” I said instead of
words. Would they? And what would
happen if they were trying to keep me
away from him?
Chapter Twelve
Kristina
Was that Avery?
I did a double take on my way to my
first class, and I still didn’t believe it.
But it was her, speed walking across
campus with her head down. I wanted so
badly to call out and stop her, but the last
time we saw each other I slammed the
door and walked out without a word.
I’d blamed her for my problems with
Kyle, and I know full well she didn’t try
to steal him. It’s been Kyle all along. He
tried to kiss her on the coast trip, and he
hasn’t treated her well outside of that. I
just wonder why it took me so long to
see the truth.
Did Jazz and Dawn know Avery was
back? They had to, right? They lived in
the same house as her.
I reached my class early and joined
the others waiting to go into the class.
Tears pooled in my eyes and I felt my
mouth trembling, so I turned around to
stare at the wall.
“Hey Kris,” Dawn said next to me
before I noticed her there. “Uh, what’s
wrong?”
I shook my head and wiped at my
eyes.
“Hey, listen, Avery came home.”
“I know,” I said quietly. “I saw her
just a few minutes ago.”
Dawn started to say something and
cut herself off. She probably just figured
out that seeing Avery is what had me
upset. I gave in and asked her, “Did she
say anything to you?”
“I haven’t actually seen her. Jazz told
me she came back. I haven’t been at the
house much.”
We went inside and sat down in our
normal seats. I spent class mindlessly
doodling in my notebook, once in a
while catching a line of the lecture, and
thinking about what to do.
A paper slid onto my desk. I glanced
at Dawn before reading the words: We
should talk to Jazz and Avery.
I wrote, I know, I’ll think about it,
and slid the paper back. It’d been a
while since I passed notes in class.
Dawn was right. I couldn’t keep
hiding like this—I needed to go home.
I’d been staying with different friends
and avoiding reality. I didn’t want
anything to do with Kyle anymore, but I
wanted to know what happened between
him and Avery. Did it start on the coast
trip? Had he been in love with her all
that time, ever since they broke up? Was
he always an asshole and I somehow
overlooked it?
Was I the asshole? Did I steal him
away from Avery and then end our
friendship when he tried to kiss her?
I might have told Avery as much,
back when we had that party at the
house. She asked me point blank, I think,
and I told her I stole Kyle. Sometimes I
wonder if I made that night up, or at least
that part of the night, because we didn’t
act any differently after that. We just
went on like things were normal. Wow, I
really have been a shitty friend.
I held my phone under the desk and
texted Avery. When I hit send, I felt like
something big would happen. Even held
my breath. Nothing did, of course, and I
sat staring at the screen.
Everyone got up at once, startling
me. I shoved my phone and notebook
into my bag and started after Dawn.
“Talk later?” she asked, hurt in her
eyes.
But why hurt? Had I been ignoring
her too? She’s always been bad about
hiding emotions. Some people think
she’s shallow, but in my opinion it
doesn’t hurt to have one completely
honest person in your life.
“Yeah… and Dawn, I’ll talk to
them,” I said. That brought a weak smile
so I added, “We’ll fix this, okay?”
She had another class, so we split up
in the hallway, and I headed across to
the cafeteria. I’d gotten good at avoiding
people over the last few weeks, which
involved keeping an eye out for any of
my friends. Or, old friends. This time,
when I was actually looking for them
and wanting to talk, I didn’t see Jazz or
Avery.
I still hadn’t talked to Jazz about my
room at the house or what we were
going to do. Avery might have officially
kicked me out by now for all I knew. But
it seems like Jazz would have told me,
probably in some kind of official memo.
Jazz had been the planner in our group.
She’s always managed the house and
rent, and I knew she had to be stressed
out about it. I had no idea what to say so
I finally texted her and asked, Ave is
back?
Yeah, I knew that already but I just
didn’t know how to start all this. Her
answer came a minute later: We should
talk.
Another text: Yeah, she’s back and
going to class. That snowboarder guy is
awake and remembers her.
I sent a set of question marks in
response. She came back with, yeah,
like I said we need to talk.
What was going on? What
snowboarder guy?
I had to face Jazz anyway, so I asked
her to meet me at the cafeteria. While I
waited, I went through the line and got us
both a sandwich and juice, then sat at a
table. She slipped silently into the seat
beside me five minutes later.
I slid the tray her way but she
wrinkled her nose.
“You know I won’t eat that crap.”
Oh yeah, white bread. Juice with
sugar. I sighed and bit into my sandwich,
mostly to avoid talking.
“Where are you staying?” she asked
right away. Jazz is always direct, but
she’s very caring. She looked troubled
now, the soft skin under her eyes dark
from lack of sleep. Her long straight hair
was pulled up into a knot, which is her
get-down-to-business style.
“With Dawn’s friend Caitlyn.”
“Caitlyn Jenkins? Oh my god. You’re
that desperate to stay out of the house?”
I rolled my eyes. “Caitlyn isn’t that
bad, if you don’t mind her constant
complaining or snoring or how she
leaves peach pits all over the house.” I
had to stop a laugh. Caitlyn was bad.
She’s annoying as hell, but slightly better
than being homeless.
“So you want to stay there?” She
touched my hand, the hope in her eyes
and her touch asking more than her
words.
“Would Avery let me come back?”
Jazz looked ready to answer but
didn’t. It was the tiniest pause, but with
big implications.
“I think so,” she finally said, her
gaze on the table. “I don’t think she’s
even mad.”
I sank back in my chair.
“We’ll talk it out,” Jazz said
sincerely.
I washed the sandwich down with
the apple juice and waved the empty
bottle at her. “So who’s the snowboarder
guy you mentioned? Avery met someone
else?”
She threw back her head in
exasperation. “How have you missed so
much?”
I expected her jump into a detailed
Jazz-style explanation but she just
looked out toward the giant windows
and people walking by. Jazz didn’t even
go on our trip when everything went
down, so it’s a little funny that I’m
pumping her for information. I waited a
minute before saying her name.
“And what happened with Nash?” I
asked. “Did he dump her after Kyle
kissed her?” I’m surprised those words
didn’t stick in my throat.
Jazz studied me, trying to tell if I was
as calm as I sounded.
“Her and Nash are over,” she said
firmly. Too firmly. Was there a hint of
something strange in her voice or
expression? “She ran up to Portland to
see Marcus Fields, who just woke up
from a coma.”
Now how did that make any sense? I
shook my head at her, waiting for more.
She had that distant look again.
“Why was Avery dating Nash if she
had this other guy? Why was he in a
coma?” I couldn’t help thinking that if
she’d been off with that Marcus, nothing
would have happened with Kyle on our
coast trip. But that’s not what I wanted—
I’m glad I finally saw the truth about
him. It hurt like hell but at least I knew
what kind of person Kyle was.
Jazz didn’t answer. I followed her
gaze and looked behind me. Nash was
walking down the court, passing us, with
his head down to see his phone. He’s
actually kinda hot. I don’t understand
why Avery didn’t stick with him. Plus
she wanted him for so long! They
seemed perfect for each other, both of
them so quiet and serious.
That description fit Jazz too. I turned
around to tell her what I was thinking
only to find her ducked down, hiding
behind the table.
“Jazz? What the heck are you
doing?”
“Just looking in my bag.” She
straightened and stood up. “I’m sorry but
I have to take off. I’m late for class.”
She left so quickly I didn’t have time
to even say goodbye. I watched Jazz
weave through the tables and scurry out
of the building, going in the opposite
direction of Nash. What in hell’s
bells…?
We didn’t discuss any of the things I
thought we would, like the house or rent
or what happened with Avery. Or, if Jazz
was okay. That was completely out of
character for her. Apparently I’ve
missed a lot.
Chapter Thirteen
Avery
I dropped my pen and rubbed my
face. My vision was going blurry and
cross-eyed from staring at homework for
so long. I came back to class on a
Tuesday, and the rest of the week was
filled with class, talking to teachers,
homework, make up work, trying to
catch up with my friends a little, and
talking to Marcus at night. We texted
throughout the day, but he had therapy
and still needed to rest a lot, plus I had a
boatload of work here.
I didn’t mention Kyle’s apology to
Marcus yet. It seemed better to tell him
in person. And it was finally Friday. I
could finally go see him.
I started throwing a few things into
my bag when I heard the front door
close. Jazz and I hadn’t seen each other
for a few days now, so I leaned out my
bedroom door, hoping it was her.
“Jazz?”
“Yeah. Hang on.” She went in her
room to drop off her bag and came into
mine.
“Glad I caught you before leaving for
the weekend.”
“Yeah, me too. I talked to Kris,” she
started, falling into my computer chair
and curling up into it. I waited for more
but she stared at the pictures on my wall,
looking rather spaced out for her.
“Was it bad?” I stopped packing and
sat on the bed.
“Bad? No. The opposite. She wants
to talk this out, and maybe come home.”
Jazz talked in a flat tone and it took a
minute for her words to sink in. Why
wasn’t she more excited?
“Really?” I asked. “That’s great.
Isn’t it? You seem…”
Her gaze shifted to the bag next to
me. “You’re heading up to Portland?”
“Yeah, for the weekend…if you’re
okay.”
She straightened, giving me a funny
look with her dark eyes—and it gave me
the distinct feeling something was up
with her. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
I shrugged. “You seem preoccupied.
You know you can talk to me, right? I’ve
spilled everything to you.”
For a split second, she zeroed in on
me like she would open up, but the look
passed.
“I just have a lot going on, sorry.”
She shrugged. “I guess we can talk to
Kristina when you get back. Maybe
Monday after school?”
That was skirting whatever it was,
but it was apparent I wouldn’t get it out
of her right now.
“Yeah, sounds good.” We needed to
talk to Kris. It might be awkward and
hard, but I didn’t want to lose my friend.
Jazz stood and stretched before
stepping over to hug me. “Have fun with
Marcus.”
“You too, have a fun weekend. We’ll
talk when I get back?” I tacked that on,
hoping she was okay. She nodded as she
left.
So what could be going on with her?
I hadn’t been that great of a friend lately
with all of my drama going on. Then I
remembered… I had planned on telling
her about the dreams. I walked out of my
room to talk to her again when I heard
the front door shut. She’d left. Well, I
guess I would talk to her either Sunday
night or Monday when we talked to
Kristina.
I needed to tell her about Kyle
stopping me too. It was really strange
that I hadn’t told her yet, but we hadn’t
been home at the same time, and I felt
like I should tell Marcus first. It was
starting to feel like a funny web I’d
gotten stuck in. And I really wanted to go
see Marcus, so I really just needed to
catch up with Jazz when I got back.
I headed out to the car, trying to keep
moving and not let my nerves get the
better of me. Wasn’t that weird? I was
nervous about seeing Marcus again,
which didn’t make sense after how close
we’d gotten before.
Before. That was the key word there.
Were we still as close? Or had Tom
been convincing Marcus that I wasn’t
good for him?
I jumped in, started the ignited and
started off. Halfway down the street, I
pulled in a deep breath, glad to have a
drive ahead of me even if I wanted to
see him right now.
Why did fate have to bring us
together and then have us be five hours
apart? Why couldn’t his body have been
in a Medford hospital? The thought made
me laugh. This was so crazy.
The sky faded to light blue and then
darkened as I headed north up 1-5,
wrestling with my doubts. Clouds were
coming in, making a pretty pink and
yellow sunset, but soon after it started to
rain. I tried not to take that as a bad sign.
Sometimes I can be a bit on the
superstitious side.
About halfway through the trip, I
pulled into the rest stop by Cottage
Grove to find five texts from Marcus.
Why aren’t you here yet? ;)
Okay, don’t slap me for that one
when you arrive.
Seriously, you need to come
entertain me. Sneak in some real food.
Forget the food. Bring that hot bod
of yours.
I want to dream with you again
baby.
I laughed and then sighed before
texting back: Halfway there! Too bad we
can’t teleport, right? Doesn’t seem so
odd considering… I can’t wait to see
you.
It was dark by the time I drove
through Portland and to the hospital. It
took ten minutes to find a parking space
in the garage, and after I turned the car
off, I still sat there for a few minutes. I
wanted to see Marcus so bad, and yet I
was getting jittery and shaky.
I grabbed my bag and turned on the
doom light to brush my hair and refresh
my lipstick and powder. At least this
time I could look put together when I
saw his family.
Finally, I forced myself out of the
car. Once I made it inside the hospital, it
hit me that walking through the halls
made me nervous. I’d come here trying
to save Marcus before, and then walked
these halls while wondering what his
parents were planning to do, and now
I’m back wondering how things were
between us. I almost thought I’d hear
Marcus talking to me, calming me down.
It’ll be okay, Tiger Lily. That’s what
he’d say.
I watched the numbers on the doors
even though I knew the way. When I
reached his room, I didn’t hear voices so
I slowly walked in.
Marcus was standing up! Jen had him
on one side and a nurse stood on the
other to help him. I froze, hope swelling
in my chest. He’d been so frustrated
before; I knew even if he didn’t let on or
tell me about it.
He grinned, his handsome face
glowing. The bruises were hardly
visible at all now. He wore a normal
gray T-shirt with sweats, and his hair
was styled and looked kinda messy,
kinda sexy.
“Hey, babe. Check this out.”
“I see!”
“Do you want to sit down?” Jen
asked.
“No.” He motioned for me to come
over, then told the nurse, “I’m good. I
want to stand on my own.”
“You sure?” She leaned her head
over to look around Marcus at Jen. They
were both mothering him.
“Yeah, I got this,” he insisted. “No
worries.”
The nurse stepped back but waited to
make sure he was stable before giving
him more space.
“Jen?” Marcus asked. He didn’t have
to finish the question. She took a step
back, and then Marcus reached for me. I
stepped close and wrapped my arms
around his neck, careful not to learn on
him. Actually, he leaned on me, burying
his face in my neck and pulling me tight
against him with his arms around me.
The nurse talked to Jen before
leaving, but I closed my eyes and
ignored them. This was the first time
we’d embraced like this, both of us
standing, our bodies touching all the way
down. His heart beat against me, and I
bet he could feel mine. My breathing
came fast and irregular. I’d missed him
so much. Now that I held him, my entire
body came alive, an electric buzz
running down to my feet. For the first
time all week, I didn’t miss our old
connection when I could tell what he
was thinking and feeling.
“You’ve been working hard this
week,” I whispered.
“Getting there.” He lifted his face to
kiss my neck, sending a shiver down me.
We still had to get used to being able to
touch each other. It gave me a huge
adrenaline rush, like the first time we hit
a jump together in my mind.
“I wanted to surprise you with my
standing up and all.” He grinned against
my face. “Funny that it’s so impressive,
right?”
“Not funny, Marcus, really good.” I
pressed my cheek against him and felt
the stubble on his jaw.
“You feel so good, babe.”
I opened my eyes at his words, trying
to see if Jen was right there.
“She left,” he said with a chuckle.
“But she looked a little worried.”
“Do you need to sit down?”
“No, I need to hold you.” His good
arm held me tightly. It sent energy
through me like a live wire, and urgent
need stirred and sparked. Luckily he
couldn’t read my thoughts, but the way I
pressed into him might have clued him
in.
I closed my eyes again, roaming his
back with my hands. He made a happy
murmur against my neck as my hands
slid over his muscles.
“Are you sore?”
“Yeah,” he said, but with a light
laugh. “From the accident still and from
laying in that bed for so long. And
probably the therapy. I don’t mind being
sore, but your hands feel really nice.”
I kept touching him but soon noticed
he was trembling. I didn’t want to
embarrass him, so I eased back and
helped him to the bed without saying
anything. While he settled in, I checked
out the pictures on the wall. He had a
poster of photos and all his drawings up.
I’d seen a ton of shots online of him in
action, but the photos felt more personal.
He was snowboarding or hanging out
with snowboarding friends in all of
them.
“I’m getting back to that,” he said.
I leaned against a counter. After
driving all the way up here, I really
didn’t feel like sitting down. I’d gotten
restless in the car, and it made me think
of Marcus wanting to get up and be
active.
“I know you will,” I said with a
smile.
He turned his head to gaze at me, and
after a minute I felt like he was studying
me through artist’s eyes, like he needed
to see every detail to draw them. Of
course, he had drawn me quite a bit
already. I finally had to laugh and say,
“You should know what I look like by
now.”
“But I need to count every freckle.”
I hid my face for a second.
“Ave, I love your freckles! And your
little nose, and your eyes, and especially
that dreamy look you get when you’re
looking back at me.”
I peeked at him through my fingers.
“And you know it, too,” he added
with a glint in his eyes. “You got to hear
all my lewd thoughts about you.”
That was certainly true…and fun. I
had to admit I liked knowing this funny,
attractive man wanted me so badly.
“So… Are they going to let you have
some down time this weekend?” I asked,
and the implied question was, would we
get any time together? Maybe alone?
Marcus gave me a wicked grin in
response and stretched his hand out so
I’d come over. “I’ll make them. Jen
stayed here today to give my parents
some time off. They’re all going to let
me have tomorrow to spend with just
you.”
“Just me. I like the sound of that.”
My heart took flight for all of two
seconds before crashing down again. All
the doubts I’d been stuffing away burst
out into the light, almost suffocating me.
I let my gaze drop down to our entwined
fingers and asked, “How is this going to
work?”
Wow, how did all that come out so
suddenly?
He was quiet for so long that I had to
look up, worried that I’d see doubt in his
face. Maybe I shouldn’t have shared that.
What if my doubt made him doubt all of
this?
“Do you mean, how will we work?”
he asked. It was out there, and I couldn’t
take it back. I knew the best course was
to be honest and tell him everything.
“I have college in Ashland, and
you’re up here, and you’ll go somewhere
for therapy—what if you go back to
Colorado with your family for that?
Then you’re going back to
snowboarding. You’ll go somewhere
else to train. When you’re up to speed
soon, you’ll be traveling even more.”
My fears and doubts were like a
tsunami. They’d been lurking underneath
the surface, building strength until
everything spilled over. Sharing gave me
a tiny measure of relief, but now I feared
what he’d say. Suddenly I knew I shared
so he’d reassure me, but what if he
couldn’t?
“Ave…”
I didn’t let him finish.
“And you don’t need me anymore,” I
said, feeling like it was too much,
making me too vulnerable, but he had
seen and known everything about me
before. It felt wrong to have anything
between us now.
“I wish you could still feel my heart,
babe. Then you’d know how much I love
and need and want you.”
At his words, tears instantly pooled
in my eyes.
“Ave?” he tugged my hand and I
leaned over onto his chest. “You’re
worried we can’t make it?”
“You’re famous. You’re a gold
medalist for Christ’s sake. I’m just some
girl still figuring things out. I don’t have
any family around. I don’t know what
I’m doing with my life yet. And you have
it figured out, and you have a future—”
“Ave! Babe, stop it.” He pulled my
face up by my chin. I felt my tears
running down to my chin and joining
together. I wanted to wipe at my nose but
he held me frozen with his piercing eyes.
“Avery, we’ll make it no matter what.
Okay? You don’t have to have your life
figured out.” He smiled and shook his
head. “I fell in love with you just the
way you are.”
I closed my eyes, just taking in his
words.
“Why are you doubting anyway?”
I tried to shake my head but his hands
were holding me. “I don’t know. I guess
because we’ve been apart and life seems
really hard right now. And I don’t know
what you’re thinking anymore, like you
said.” Suddenly I laughed. “I wanted you
out of my head so badly at first, and here
I am crying about losing you!”
He laughed too and kissed my mouth.
I pulled back. “I’m a mess. Wow, look at
me.”
“I am, babe.”
That stopped me for a second. He
did see all of my. And he liked it.
I got up and went to the bathroom to
splash water on my face. Marcus didn’t
need me crying all over him. He had a
hard road too, and his dreams were on
the line. What if he couldn’t make a full
recovery and go back to snowboarding?
I would always love him no matter what,
but I knew that’d be hard on him. So I
pulled myself together and even smiled
at myself in the mirror.
When I came out, Jen was stepping
into the room with a fast food bag in her
hand.
“I snuck this in!” She grinned,
making her look a lot like a blue-eyed
Marcus.
“You’re my hero!” He held out a
hand and she tossed him a hamburger.
“Here.” She tossed one to me too.
My stomach growled. I normally didn’t
eat this crap but it smelled like it’d come
straight from heaven. We dug in,
laughing like evil conspirators.
“Avery, are you okay?” Jen asked
with an intense look at me. Had I missed
some stray mascara?
I gave her a brave smile.
“Yeah, I’m fine now. I just have
moments.”
“Yeah, I know that feeling.” She
laughed, a bit sadly. “It hasn’t been easy.
We’re on the downhill side now, by a
long shot. This is so much better.”
I had to agree with that.
“Easy for you to say.” Marcus
wadded up his wrapper and made a
basket into the trash can. He paused, his
hand up in the air, with a curious look on
his face, and it hit me that he hadn’t
expected to make it. He was getting
more motor control back. His sister
watched it too. He caught sight of Jen’s
expression and shrugged. “I know, sorry.
I shouldn’t complain. I just want up and
out of this bed more.”
Marcus and Jen both looked up at
something behind me—I was sitting
facing the bed so I had to turn around to
see that his parents had come into the
room.
“We wanted to say goodnight,”
Elaina said with a smile for Marcus as
she went to the bed to embrace him.
As far as I knew, they hadn’t hung out
in the hospital all evening, so that meant
they drove back here to talk to him
instead of calling. Maybe they needed to
see him before spending an entire day
away from him, but it still made me feel
like they didn’t trust me.
I stepped into the hallway while they
said goodbye, and ended up pacing
down the hall and back.
When I turned around and paced
back toward his room, both his parents
walked out and spotted me. I hoped Jen
would be right behind them. She worked
as a pretty good buffer sometimes. But
she wasn’t there this time.
I slowed down but I couldn’t just
turn around and run off. They watched
my approach, and I felt like the principal
was standing in the open door of the
office, waiting for me.
“Hi Avery,” Elaina greeted, her arms
wrapped around her waist the same way
Jen does. I tried to return a real smile for
her nervous one. “Ready for this
weekend?” she asked.
A loaded question for sure. She
tended to put things delicately as far as I
could tell, and that was her subtle way
of asking, can you handle taking care of
Marcus all weekend?
“Yes, very,” I said, proud of myself
for responding in a sure, firm tone.
“So I’m curious,” Tom said, his eyes
boring into me from behind those
glasses. I felt myself falter. “I don’t
understand how you met Marcus or got
so involved in his life. You live in
Ashland, right? How’d you end up
there?”
He sure didn’t have the same social
smoothness Marcus did.
Elaina rested a hand on his arm.
“Tom, that’s a lot of questions, let her
talk.”
“Ashland, yes,” I said deer-in-the-
headlights blank.
“Did you live in foster care after
your parents died?”
“Tom!”
“Would that make me a certain kind
of person?” I asked without even
thinking about it first. “Like less of a
person somehow?”
His head pulled back—my words
actually, literally, knocked him back.
Elaina tried to say something, and
even mouthed several words.
Jen startled us from the door. “Good
for you, Ave!”
She had her arms crossed as she
looked between her parents.
“About time you stood up to them.
And that’s exactly the kind of woman
Marcus needs too.”
A funny chain of expressions crossed
Elaina’s face: shock, reflection and then
a-ha. Maybe I just won a few points
with her. Tom stuttered and looked
down, and I had to bit into my lip to
keep the smug smile off my face. A
silence stretched out.
“We’ll be fine,” I finally said.
“Marcus is doing great, and we’re right
here in a hospital.”
For Christ’s sake, he say. We’re
surrounded by doctors.
Elaina nodded and took Tom’s arm
again, physically pulling him in the other
direction. “I’m sure you will be. We
might see you tomorrow?” She didn’t
wait for an answer.
Tom nodded and straightened his
back as he turned and walked down the
hallway, Elaina walking sideways
beside him and muttering at him. Jen
walked behind them, and she turned
around backwards and made a funny
face at me. We both silently laughed and
waved.
Then I raced back into the room.
“Alone at last.” I rubbed my hands
together and tried for an evil grin while
adding, “What should we do?”
“Let me think…” Marcus tilted his
head, one eye closed and a hand to his
chin in a classic thoughtful look. “Get
over here.”
I giggled and hopped up on his bed.
He sat up halfway and wrapped an
arm around my waist so he could pull
me against him. Our lips met. I wanted to
straddle him but I was still being
careful, so I just cradled his head while
kissing him. His hand slid down my
lower back and over my butt, squeezing.
“Mmm,” he moaned against me. “I
love touching you.”
I edged closer, aching inside for him.
My hands suddenly had minds of their
own and ran over him, exploring,
touching, trying to tease so he’d want me
more too. His hands followed suit, and
we were inside each other’s clothes.
I could hardly handle his touch on my
bare skin and gripped a handful of his
shirt as I pressed my face into his neck,
gasping. My body moved against him,
overriding any thoughts. I didn’t want to
think anyway.
Then he took me by the shoulders.
“I can’t,” he said against my mouth. I
heard the words but they didn’t make
sense. Yet at the same time they did. I
was just too shocked to move. I slowly
leaned back, trying to read his eyes.
“I’m sorry, it’s just… like this…” He
waved a hand down his body. Did he
feel self-conscious? Or worried he
couldn’t perform? I didn’t care about
any of that.
“That’s okay. Don’t worry about it,”
I said, trying to control my breathing so
he wouldn’t hear just how badly I
wanted him. I lay down with him.
“You’ve only had, what a week to
recover? We can give it time.”
It wouldn’t kill me to wait…right?
Chapter Fourteen
Marcus
I woke up looking down at Avery,
her hair flared out around on her on the
snow. Her nose was pink from the cold
and her eyes sparkling under the cloudy
sky. I smoothed her hair back from her
forehead and laid a kiss there.
“Hey, Tiger Lily. What are you doing
out here?”
She laughed and shook her head back
and forth. “I guess I’d be making a snow
angel except…” you’re on me.
That little thought zinged through me,
instantly turning me on. I suddenly felt
her body against mine and her legs
wrapped around my hips. Her normally
light blue eyes appeared smoky right
now, maybe because mist surrounded us.
Her light golden-orange freckles stood
out, spots of color in her pale face.
You are so uniquely beautiful.
The corners of her mouth curved up
for a second before she bit her bottom
lip. I cradled her head in my hands and
leaned down to kiss her. She slid her
fingers into my hair and pulled me
closer, kissing like she meant business,
her tongue teasing mine.
I closed my eyes and felt the world
shift, like swaying, pulsating like we
were… oh, wow…
Avery…
My body tightened and everything
exploded, the world going soft and
silent, like when you’re out alone in
deep pow.
Then I only heard her breathing….us
breathing together. I followed the noise,
sailing away.
***
I thought I’d drifted off again but I
floated into some other dream. Avery’s
dream?
I looked with her as she turned her
head. Her heartbeat went crazy when we
both spotted Kyle driving his car beside
us.
What the fuck?
I jumped down from the curb and
raced toward it.
“Marcus!” she called after me.
When I looked back at her, the area
around us faded away and the engine
noise died, almost like she was pulling it
all back.
“Are you trying to stop me?” I asked.
“What’s going on with that?”
She stepped closer and took my
hand. “I went running one evening, and
he stopped to talk to me.”
My temperature rocketed up. I had to
let go of her hand and pace. “What
happened? You’re okay, right? You
would have told me if something
happened?”
If he scared her or threatened her…
“Nothing did—well, he apologized
for being such an ass. So something
kinda big, but not…”
I stopped and stared at her, hands on
hips. My breathing was getting out of
hand so I closed my eyes and calmed
myself down. What did she even say? I
had to repeat her words in my head and
get myself to understand what she was
telling me.
“He was sorry?”
“He’s been having dreams too.” Her
expression clouded over with those
words, her gaze dropping. I went back to
her and wrapped my arms around her
small shoulders. It always felt so good
to pull her close, no matter how many
times I feel her in my embrace, and no
matter how many times I feel her body
pressed to mine. I inhaled the scent of
her shampoo and ran my hands over her.
The rest of the story fell into my
head, the way things do when we’re
connected like this. I watched the scene
happen and went through her line of
thoughts with her.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She stayed quiet.
“Ave?”
“I don’t know… We were busy and I
didn’t want to tell you over the phone.
So I waited, and the right time just didn’t
come up.”
I could understand that. I sighed and
pulled her in even tighter. “I got you,
okay?”
She nodded against me.
“You know… Does this feel even
more real than usual?” she asked, her
face against me. “It’s like you’re actually
talking this time instead of your thoughts
in my head.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I wonder what
that means.”
“Jazz… She’s been dreaming too, I
think. This thing just keeps growing.”
Her words sank in and we both
thought about it. We held each other so
tightly it started to feel like we were one
person, one being again and not two
bodies, like before. Endorphins rushed
through my brain and body and I felt
myself spinning upward.
Sweet Avery…
***
The tall, bone-skinny doctor
scribbled on the clipboard while the
nurse finished with me. They had a small
laptop too that they both typed into for
my case, but this doctor liked to write
stuff too. He was the older, not so fun
doc that I thankfully saw less. Kathy, the
small redheaded nurse, was usually
cheerful and talkative but she kept quiet
around this doctor.
In contrast, I liked that smiley young
guy, Dr. Michaels, and my main physical
therapist, Jared. I’d probably end up
seeing both of them sometime today too.
My mind was busy today, thinking
about that thing with Kyle. It bothered
Ave that he tapped into this thing and had
dreams, but she didn’t want to feel that
way. I didn’t like him sharing in this
either. I mean, he wasn’t sharing
anything with us, but it was odd that he
had dreams like that and it changed him
so much.
It bothered me that I didn’t know
about it for a while too. Ave and I don’t
have to share every little secret. That
probably wouldn’t even be healthy. I just
had that expectation because we couldn’t
hide anything before. Well, not very
easily. She had buried things about her
parents when I was in her head, but I
didn’t hold it against her for hiding
something so personal and painful.
The situation with Kyle wasn’t the
only thing bothering me. I was thinking
about it to avoid something else,
actually. I needed to keep my mind off of
last night, when I didn’t want to go any
farther with Avery. Whenever it popped
up, my face would flush all hot. Was I
embarrassed? That didn’t seem quite
right. I don’t get embarrassed easily. Or
ever, really. Ashamed? Was that it? I
couldn’t tell. I just knew I didn’t want
Avery upset about it, or thinking I
couldn’t deliver, or getting bored with
me. But I also didn’t want to try being
with her and things not working.
God damn.
I glanced over, suddenly aware I was
reflecting on some pretty personal things
while they were in the room. The doctor
wasn’t looking at me or talking to me
much. I couldn’t even remember his
name—something like Eenoway.
For fun I pictured telling him about
the dreams Avery and I have been
sharing. That wouldn’t help anything. I
know better than to think we’d find a
scientific explanation. Even I would
think I was crazy if Avery hadn’t been
experiencing all of it with me.
Speaking of my Tiger Lily…
Avery walked quietly into the room
and immediately hid a fast food bag
behind her back. I grinned and she held a
finger over her mouth. She waited
patiently until they left.
“What’d’cha get me?” I held out a
hand and wiggled my fingers at it. This
was turning into a tradition. And it was
okay for now, right? I deserved a little
something to keep me going, yo.
“All kinds of unhealthy crap.” She
pulled out a big ol’ hamburger and a
large fry. “Nice and greasy and salty.”
We both plucked one up. The hot
potato goodness melted in my mouth.
“Oh, my god, thank you, babe.” I had to
talk around my food because I couldn’t
stop popping them in. “I can’t believe
I’m eating this stuff, but damn, it’s
good.” I stuffed in more fries. “Noice!”
She laughed too and handed me a big
cup. “Chocolate milkshake.” I watched
her dip a fry in and tried it too. Yum,
salty fry goodness and cold, rich
chocolate.
“Now that is a new kind of heaven.”
I flipped on the TV and found a
soccer game. It wasn’t totally my thing
but it was nice to munch and watch
something—and not talk about all that
heavy stuff from last night. Maybe we
had talked about it enough in that dream,
at least for now.
We ate and then lay in the bed
together to watch the game and talk,
lightly running our fingers over each
other’s skin.
I was glad Avery couldn’t see my
face and the big cheesy grin I wore.
Funny that I’d find something so
domestic like this so nice. It got me
thinking about us and all we’d been
through. Avery had been through a lot
before meeting me too, and she hadn’t
really told me about it.
“Can I ask you something personal?”
I said softly, in case she was asleep.
“Of course.” She twisted her head to
look up at me, her eyes open and
trusting.
“About your parents.”
The openness closed down. I had
expected that.
“Listen, I know it’s a painful topic.
I’m just wondering, is that something
you’re always going to keep locked
away? I feel like it’s hurting you.”
She nestled her face into me more,
like she was trying to hide. “Yeah, well,
losing your parents hurts. I don’t think
that hurt ever goes away.”
Silence took over. I wanted to say so
many things but the longer I waited, the
more they built up and the more sticky
my throat felt.
“Ave.” I finally got just her name out.
“I just want to be there for you.”
She whispered, “I know.” It was so
soft it was like a little sigh. It didn’t look
like she was going to open up now
either, so I decided to let it drop.
“I just never knew how to handle it,”
she said unexpectedly. “And life had to
go on. I had to move and fit in and figure
out life, and I just stuffed it away. I never
figured out how to pull it back out. I
mean, what am I going to do? They’re
gone.”
I tried to picture losing my mom or
dad. Even when I’m angry with them, I
can’t imagine not having them around.
And I’m not really that angry about this
current situation, at least when I put it in
perspective like this.
“But you’re not,” I finally said.
“You’re here, and you deserve to be
happy.”
She rolled so she could look up at
my face. “I am happy.”
Ave didn’t say those words like a
known fact but a new realization.
“Come here,” I said, even though her
face was only half a foot from mine. She
slid up the bed, meeting me for a kiss.
A minute later I told her, “Next
weekend is going to be special.”
She raised an eyebrow.
“And you’ll have to wait to find out
how.”
I liked the playful smile that spread
across her lips. God, she was hot. My
spirits lifted as I thought about what I
could do by then—hopefully do by then.
I brushed her hair back and kissed her
forehead, plans coming together in my
mind.
Chapter Fifteen
Jasmine
“Hey, Jasmine,” a voice said behind
me. I looked back and waved at a Justin
from my calculus class, then tried to add
a friendly smile. I didn’t feel like
talking. I was on a mission to find
coffee. Before he could start my way, I
turned around and kept going, joining the
flow of students.
I covered a yawn as I walked. It was
bad enough that it was Monday morning,
but I was extra tired from waking up
during the night. Avery didn’t come
home before I went to bed at eleven, so
every noise woke me up until she got
back around one thirty.
That wasn’t the only thing keeping
me up. Nash and I exchanged a few texts
over the weekend. First he checked in to
see if I needed any notes or anything,
which seemed pretty transparent. He
could have simply asked Avery if she
needed more help. Then he asked if I
was feeling better. And after that he said
I could talk to him if I needed a friend.
But did he really mean friend only?
This had turned into a weird week,
but “weird” was becoming a relative
term. Adding to the weirdness, that
strange feeling came over me again.
Knowing I’d see him somewhere close
by, I glanced ahead and spotted Nash. I
wanted to turn around and avoid him but
he was staring at me.
Was I ready to talk to him in person
again?
As he came closer, I felt everything
tilt. My vision faded.
“Jasmine.”
I thought about responding but
instead I reached out a hand to steady
myself.
“Woah!” He wrapped both arms
around me right as my knees buckled.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
And he did. I clung to him, not caring
about anything else.
Nash helped me over to a low stone
wall and sank down with me so we were
side by side, his arms around me still
like we were together. One hand rubbed
a circle on my back while the other
rested on my waist. It’d been a while
since I’d felt a gentle caress like that. At
the same time, his touch was firm,
reassuring. I let my head rest against his
arm. He smelled fantastic. He was warm
and strong, offering me support that felt
way too nice.
Slowly, the dizziness lifted and I
noticed how many passing people were
staring. I straightened quickly.
“Wow, I’m sorry.” I blinked hard.
“What is going on with you? Have
you been to the clinic? You could be
anemic or diabetic.” He stopped so
quickly I looked up at him. The green in
his eyes stood out in this lighting. I’d
really have to paint them. Or tattoo them
—oh, my god, that would make an
awesome tattoo.
“Jazz? Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare
you.”
“No, it’s fine.” I dropped my face
and let my hair fall between us. It wasn’t
fine, and I might have turned a pretty
shade of rose.
He brushed my hair back and tucked
it behind my ear in a strangely intimate
touch. It almost seemed like I felt his
touch on my neck but I couldn’t have. I
finally peeked at him. With his face so
close, I studied his eyes more and saw
little flecks of brown and darker green.
“Jazz, how are you fine? You were
too dizzy to stand up last time I saw you,
and this time you actually fell over.”
“No, I did not fall over.” I tried to
glare at him but those greenish eyes
looked so concerned.
He scoffed playfully, a small smile
teasing the corners of his mouth. God
damn that was a nice mouth too. Raising
an eyebrow, he said in a low voice,
“You didn’t fall over because I caught
you.”
“I just need some caffeine,” I said. “I
was up waiting for Avery to get
home…” Dang it, why did I mention
her?
His eyes and entire expression
darkened. Was he still torn up over
Avery? I understood that after my
experience with Corbin, and I couldn’t
tell you why I fell in love like I did then.
I could see why someone would feel that
for Avery. He didn’t answer right away
so I jumped right back into talking.
“Sorry, I know things have been
tough.”
“Do you really think caffeine is
going to fix what’s going on?” Nash
asked, and I realized he hadn’t heard me.
He was just thinking about me.
“No… I, uh—It only happens when I
see you.” I almost clamped my hand
over my mouth. Did I say that out loud? I
bit my lip to keep any other random
comments from bursting out. Nash stared
into my eyes, but he didn’t act surprised.
His face hardly changed until his gaze
dropped down to my mouth.
Oh, my fucking god, that look totally
turned me on. My lungs pulled in air,
suddenly, sharply, and I had to straighten
because I felt a horrible urge to bump
into him or wiggle closer or something
crazy.
“Want to go get coffee together?” he
asked out of the blue, but maybe it
wasn’t. I’m starting to follow how his
mind works, and how he makes jumps in
conversation and expects me to follow.
I nodded and we got up together. The
dizziness was completely gone as we
started off walking side by side.
“Does it feel strange to have her
back?” he asked, and I’m not sure I
wanted to talk about Avery. We needed
to, though.
“At first I was worried she’d be mad
at me still.”
Nash looked over suddenly,
surprised, and I remember that he didn’t
know about Avery going to the Portland
hospital or how I called to warn them.
We arrived at the student center and
went inside to the coffee shop. One
person was ordering and another
waiting, but I didn’t try to explain while
we stood in line. Nash watched me for a
minute before reading the menu. When
our turn came, he extended his hand for
me to go first.
“Just a house coffee,” I told the
young barista. She looked Swedish to
me due to her straw blond hair and
round face, but that’s probably a
stereotype from cartoons I saw as a kid.
“Make that two.”
“That’s just two dollars,” she said
with a perky smile. Nash handed her a
five and shook his head at my protest.
She poured our coffees and set them on
the counter by the creamers. Both Nash
and I poured in half and half but no
sugar. When we sat down by the
windows, I held my cup close and
breathed in the reviving aroma. It was so
nice, I closed my eyes for a few
seconds.
“So what happened? Why was Avery
mad at you? I can’t imagine anyone
getting mad at you.”
I opened my eyes and found Nash
completely focused on me with those
multicolored forest eyes. He’s so
mysterious and sexy. His dark hair is so
thick and shiny. I bet it’d feel silky.
“That whole thing was actually real,
in some sense,” I said, making a leap.
His gaze stayed on me, but his
focused turned inward. A minute later he
nodded. “The whole thing between
Avery and that snowboarder? And it was
real in some sense, but not real like what
you and I think is real?”
I liked this guy. I liked how he
thought and analyzed. And it seemed he
knew some of the backstory.
“They really did have some strange
connection. She was hearing him before
they met. I thought she lost it, like
completely lost her marbles. She drove
up to Portland and I called the hospital
to warn them. I betrayed her.”
He sipped his coffee and leaned
back to lean against the wall. I relaxed a
bit too, and didn’t look away as he
studied me.
“She was angry?”
“She might have been without telling
me. We didn’t talk for a while. When we
did… he had woken up and remembered
her.”
I could see him working through
things, but somewhere along the line his
eyes began roaming around my face,
pausing on my mouth. His hand touched
mine then, surprising me because I was
watching his face so intently. The touch
sizzled up my arm and through me.
She’s telling the truth.
“What?” As I spoke the word, I
realized Nash hadn’t said anything. Had
that been a thought? I’ve heard of people
sometimes hearing other’s thoughts, but I
didn’t buy into it. Not until now. But it
had been so clear and real.
Did he know I heard him?
“So how did it work? And when?
Was she stringing me along?”
I shook my head, swallowing hard
because I didn’t want to tell him the truth
here.
“She really liked you, and then you
finally liked her back, and then she hit
her head on the snowboarding trip—
remember that?”
“Yeah. So that’s when it happened?
That’s the connection between them?”
“Wow, I actually didn’t connect that.
I wonder if all of this is because we
talked her into snowboarding that day!
Crazy. She started hearing him in the
hospital, I think she said. She thought
she’d gone crazy. I mean, who wouldn’t?
So she didn’t tell us anything strange
was going on. But he was constantly
talking to her, driving her nuts.”
I couldn’t even imagine having a
connection like that or how I’d deal with
it. Someone talking in your head?
This was the moment it hit me. Oh.
My. God. It hit me so hard I couldn’t
breathe. Nash and I…
“Jasmine?”
What did I just do?
“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head
both to clear it and to put him at ease.
Oh, fuck, I just answered his thought.
Our eyes met because we both knew it.
“Nothing?” he asked, puzzled, but he
wasn’t completed puzzled. More like…
more like he was feeling what I was
feeling and wondering too.
“Maybe we should get to class.” I
stood up and pulled on my bag strap, but
I had to adjust it three times to get it to
stay on my shoulder. My hand shook and
he saw it too. I felt like a floppy rag
doll.
“Jazz?” He reached for my wrist.
What else could I say? This didn’t
make any sense. His hand felt so warm
wrapped around gently my wrist, and I
just couldn’t make myself move while he
held onto me. His gaze was on my arm
too, and I realized my sleeve had come
up. Nash was studying my latest henna
design on my inner arm.
Finally he met my gaze and, a minute
later, released my arm.
“I have to go.” I took several steps
before looking back.
Nash was staring at me, completely
openly staring at me without any kind of
apology in his look. When I reached the
corner and checked again, he was still
staring after me. This gaze kept me there
for a minute, until someone walked
between us, and I all but took off running
to get away.
Chapter Sixteen
Nash
I watched Jasmine walk away and
then sat at that table for my entire next
period. I can’t even tell you what class I
missed.
I only knew the universe just shifted.
Something happened that I couldn’t
explain, and everything felt different.
For starters, and this wasn’t the big
thing, but I had the sense that Avery
hadn’t meant to hurt me, and that Marcus
really had come into her life after we
started dating, just like she said. The
first few minutes that knowledge popped
into my head, it was a huge deal. It
changed my perspective and attitude and
all the hard emotions I’ve been feeling
toward Avery. Then that information
faded in importance as something
happened with Jasmine.
Strangely, I felt like I knew her…and
didn’t. I knew something personal, or
hidden, or secret, but I didn’t know what
it was. At the same time, I felt like I
knew nothing about her and I wanted to
know everything.
How did I miss this all this time?
Because I was focused on Avery? I
thought back through the school year and
tried to bring Jasmine into focus. Sure,
she’d been there, but in the background.
So why did everything change so
drastically today, with one look?
It wasn’t just a weird emotional thing
and it wasn’t just me. Jazz felt it too, and
it shook her up so bad she had to run
away.
And somehow I had missed how
shockingly beautiful she was until today
—the gaze I couldn’t tear away from, the
softness to her voice, the seriousness in
her words. She had the longest, darkest
hair that glistened in the sun. I wasn’t
one to write romantic things, but she
could inspire me. This was unlike
anything I’d ever felt before, even way
beyond what I ever felt for Avery, and
that was saying a lot.
I chased these thoughts and feelings
around in circles until a stream of
passing people made me check the time.
I wasn’t worried about my classes or
anything else except Jasmine. I wanted
to catch her again…and there she was,
just starting to turn her head my way.
Her mouth popped open. She
stopped, causing a big football-player-
size guy to stutter stop behind her, trying
not to knock her over. She didn’t notice,
and suddenly she was in front of me,
looking at me with those dark, dark
eyes…eyes that went on forever, like
deep pools of secrets.
“Nash.” She glanced at the bench and
back at me. “Did you just sit here all this
time?”
“I wanted to talk to you more.”
It’s okay.
I thought that and I could tell she
heard me. She slowly shook her head in
disbelief, moving to one side and then
very slowly to the other. In contrast, her
brain was clearly running in overdrive. I
waited it out a few minutes, somehow
feeling all that activity inside her head,
and then she finally took two steps
toward me.
“Maybe we can talk later.”
It was too much for her right now. I
felt that. And I nodded. She kept her gaze
on me as she started to walk away. I
wasn’t upset that she needed time. She
could tell that too. She stopped down the
path, turning and staring at me for
another minute, before turning around
and walking away.
It didn’t make any sense to her, and
that terrified her. It didn’t make sense to
me either but I grabbed onto it.
While thinking about, I realized I
was scratching my arm. It itched like
crazy. I pulled my sleeve up to check
why, and did a double take.
What the hell?
There was some kind of blue
drawing on my inner forearm, like a long
vine. If I went to parties, I might have
wondered if I got drunk or drugged or
something and someone did this as a
joke, but I don’t party. So where could it
have come from?
I grabbed my phone and googled
blue skin stains and found some
information about jagua ink, something
similar to henna, which is more popular.
Jazz had a henna drawing on her arm.
Curious.
This was getting bigger and stranger
by the second. It wasn’t like anything I
had ever heard about, not even on one of
those paranormal shows.
I sat down again, trying to wrap my
brain around all of it. I jumped to a few
conclusions before, involving Avery, and
what really happened, but it would have
been beyond human understanding for
me to accept what she told me. With a
flutter of nerves in my stomach, I texted
her.
Hi Avery, I’m sorry about the other
day. Friends?
A few seconds later, she texted back,
YES!
A minute later, another text said,
What changed? Or should I ask?
I had anticipated this and still wasn’t
sure how much to share, so I simply
said, I talked to Jasmine.
Hopefully Jasmine wouldn’t mind.
Avery didn’t text back, so she might have
sent something right off to Jasmine. I
finally got up and started back toward
my dorm. At least a dozen times, I pulled
up my sleeve and looked at that vine.
Chapter Seventeen
Avery
I wonder what Jasmine said to Nash
to change his mind so drastically? It
didn’t make any sense that he could have
such a big change of heart so suddenly. I
thought about texting and asking but
decided to talk to her in person—we
were planning to get together with Kris
later so maybe we could talk about
everything.
I had another class to go to, and I
tried to keep all the trains of thought
from zipping around my head. Today
already felt complicated. I kept thinking
about what I’d say to Kristina when we
finally talked, and now I had questions
for Jazz… and then I kept thinking about
Nash. I really hoped we could be
friends.
If only Marcus were in my head to
help me sort it all out.
I accidentally laughed out loud and
got annoyed stares from everyone in the
room. Hope they enjoyed seeing my red
face. Apparently I didn’t need Marcus in
my head to embarrass the hell out of
myself after all.
A few hours later, I rushed home and
found Jazz sitting on the couch and
drawing on her leg with jagua. Kris
couldn’t come for another hour so this
gave me the perfect opportunity to talk to
Jazz about the other things.
“Hey,” I said, pausing to check out
her artwork. Her laptop sat on the coffee
table with a photo of a tree in bloom
with pink blossoms. The version on her
leg had a more spindly tree going up her
calf with a few flowers and a swirly
vine growing up the tree. “That’s so
pretty. The detail is amazing.”
“Thanks… So I talked to Nash
today.” Jazz kept her focus on her leg—I
liked watching her work too. She held a
small bottle full of the blue ink to draw
with.
“I did gather that.” I went to the
kitchen and grabbed a glass of water
before sitting down on the couch with
her. I was careful to sit a cushion over
and not make the couch move while she
drew. She’s explained that if you smear
that ink it stains that way.
“You don’t mind?”
“No! He texted, and he’s not mad at
me anymore. What happened? What on
earth did you say to him?”
“It wasn’t so much what I said.” She
glanced over so quickly I almost missed
it. “It’s hard to explain…” When she
looked up, I realized this was hard for
her. She didn’t want to tell me about it.
But why not? I poured my heart out to
her before when I thought I’d lost
Marcus. So, why?
Did she like him? Did he like her?
Jazz and Nash?
I waited in case she would explain,
but she got super focused on her
artwork, almost like I wasn’t there. I sat
back and sipped my water, puzzled and
trying not to jump all over her with
questions.
They’re the last two people I would
have put together, or guessed that they’d
ever connect. She looks nothing like me,
so it made me wonder which one of us
was Nash’s type. (Does that matter? I
remind myself.)
It never occurred to me before, but
their personalities were similar. Two
reserved introverts who take logic to a
whole new level, kinda like two Spocks.
That made me laugh inwardly before
returning to this strange new reality.
“We had this connection today,” was
all she finally said. For Jazz, that was a
lot. She hasn’t always been too
revealing with her inner thoughts and
feelings.
“So you talked and clicked? That’s
cool.” So they had some kind of
connection.
A jolt ran through me, like when you
hear bad news but it takes a few seconds
for the reality to hit you. Only, this
wasn’t bad news, just strange news...
“Jazz, what kind of connection?”
She glanced up, but not long enough
for me to read her expression.
“I don’t know. I mean, you know
how it is when you talk to someone and
it’s like you’ve been friends for a long
time already?” She shrugged and went
back to drawing.
“So that’s why he believes my story
now, because you two just talked?”
“Yeah, maybe he got a new
perspective.” Jazz looked off toward the
front window. It opened to the street but
you couldn’t see much from where we
were sitting. I had so many questions,
but how could I ask something so she’d
open up?
Tap, tap.
Jazz and I both jumped, then laughed.
“Come in!” she called out. The door
opened and Kris stepped in timidly,
wearing a really cute long shirt and
leggings. She dropped her bag on the
floor by the door, still our messy girl.
Her hair was in full on curly mode today
and pulled back in a loose ponytail.
Jazz sat up and started picking up her
jagua supplies. I scooted to the edge of
the couch, searching for words. I
decided to start with the thing I’ve been
needing to tell her all this time.
“Kris, I didn’t try to steal Kyle from
you, or even kiss him. I don’t know what
that was back there at the coast.”
Her eyes misted over and she
nodded. “I know.”
She sat in the big chair, her old
sparkle completely gone from her big
brown eyes. Jazz carried her things back
to her room.
“Where are you staying?” I asked.
“And is Dawn gone too? I haven’t seen
her.”
“Dawn’s still here,” Jazz called,
coming back down the hallway, “but I
think you’re right. She’s been avoiding
the house. Kris, tell her where you’re
staying.”
Kris barely got the name out before
Jazz continued talking as she flopped
back on the couch. “Don’t you think we
should just put that whole thing behind
us?” She looked between Kris and me.
“Why let some stupid guy ruin our
friendship? Kyle was an ass from the
beginning, and now you both know it.”
Wow. Now Jazz decided to talk.
Kristina’s shaky breathing echoed
across the room, and hearing that
propelled me to my feet.
“I’m sorry, Ave.” She stretched her
arms out and I grabbed her in a hug.
“I’m sorry too.”
“You shouldn’t be,” she said, choked
up. “I did steal Kyle, and then I stayed
with him even though I slowly figured
out what a jerk he’d been to you. I
should have dumped his ass.”
I squeezed into the chair with her and
laid my head on her shoulder.
“I have something to tell you guys
about him actually.” I picked at a fray on
my jeans. “I ran into Kyle a while back,
and he apologized. He was really sorry.”
Jazz scoffed. Kris stiffened next to
me.
“He thinks that makes it all better?”
Jazz shook her head, leaning forward
with her elbows on her knees.
“It’s more complicated than that.” I
pulled in a breath and asked Kris, “Do
you know about Marcus?”
“Huh?” Kris asked.
“Wait,” Jazz said. “What does
Marcus have to do with Kyle?”
I glanced between my friends and
realized I was confusing the heck out of
them.
“Well, nothing. But Kyle had these
dreams, and I think they were similar to
what happened between Marcus and
me.”
Jazz flopped back on the couch, her
brow furrowed in thought. My mind lit
up suddenly too—whatever was going
on with her might be something similar. I
couldn’t even make a guess about what it
was, but I was starting to think it was
related to all this other strange stuff
going on.
“I’m lost.” Kristina moved so she
could see my face. How much did she
know?
“Okay, let me start from the
beginning about Marcus and me, and
then I’ll explain about Kyle.” So I went
back to that trip when I crashed on the
snowboard, then waking up with Marcus
in my head, trying to act normal…
Amazingly, Kristina listened with a
curious expression instead of giving Jazz
a look like, is she crazy? The room
darkened while I talked because the sun
was setting outside. It felt cozy sitting in
the chair with Kris, keeping each other
warm. Jazz lit her big apple scented
candle that set in the middle of the coffee
table.
I finally got to the part about Kyle
stopping me to apologize, although that
word felt too small for what occurred
between us that day.
“Kyle said he had dreams where he
was me, and he experienced what he put
me through.” I stopped there due to a
random thought. Marcus had originally
learned about Kyle and that night through
a dream too. In that dream, he’d been
with me and experienced all of it, but I
couldn’t see or hear him. That felt so
very long ago, but I couldn’t help but
remember how Marcus wanted to
protect me, and how he comforted me.
“And you believe him?” Jazz asked,
her eyes narrowed, but her tone sounded
off, like a little afraid instead of angry. I
strained to see her expression better but
the candlelight from below threw a
strange shadow on her face. Why did she
doubt? I’m pretty sure she believed my
story.
“Yeah, after what happened to me, I
have to believe me. He acted really
genuine and really sorry. I’ve never seen
him like that. Jazz, he was completely
changed.”
“But!” She pointed a finger at
Kristina. “That does not mean you can
take him back.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Kris said
flatly. “We’re over. You can’t go back
after certain things.”
We were quiet after that. She
couldn’t mean that about the three of
us… It didn’t apply to our friendships.
We couldn’t let it.
A few minutes later, Kris said
thoughtfully, her voice sounding far
away like she was thinking, “I wonder if
that’s why he’s been texting me.” She
glanced over at Jazz. “I’ve been ignoring
him. I don’t know if I want to talk to him,
but…”
“But maybe you want some
closure?” I asked. Jazz didn’t add
anything so I did. “You don’t have to do
anything but listen if he wanted to
apologize or talk. If might help.”
She twisted up her mouth as she
thought it over. I’d be curious later on if
she did talk to him.
“What about Dawn?” I asked.
“Maybe we should have invited her here
to talk too.”
“First, Kris, are you coming home?”
Jazz asked. I turned my head to look at
Kris.
She was watching me too and said,
“If you’ll have me back.”
“Of course. Friends forever.”
“Thank god!” Jazz said, jumping up.
“I’ve had enough drama lately! Maybe
we can get back to regularly scheduled
life.” She trotted off down the hallway.
Kris tilted her head, brows
scrunched in thought, and slowly asked,
“Is it just me, or is something a little off
about Jazz, like something’s going on
with her?”
I answered with, “And it might
involve Nash.”
Her head jerked my way and her
mouth dropped open. “Seriously? And
hold on, you’re okay with that?”
I held a finger over my mouth
because I didn’t want Jazz to hear us
talking about her. Kris and I both wore
unbelieving expressions.
“I’m okay with it…but she’s not.
There’s something strange going on.”
Kris’s eyes went wide, catching the
flickering candlelight.
“You know,” she said, one corner of
her mouth coming up in a smile, “they’re
both so secretive and serious.”
I thought about the homework Jazz
had collected for me from Nash:
organized and color coded. She
probably got high just flipping through it.
I tried not to giggle. “Isn’t it funny
that she’s so artistic but so neat and
tidy?”
“But Nash? What’s going on there?”
I had to think for a minute and finally
gave a little shake of my head. “They
started talking when she got homework
for me. At least, I think that’s how it
started. And she’s been holding
something back when we talk about it.” I
stopped there, realizing I was gossiping.
We’re all close friends (again!) but it
was still Jasmine’s business, and she
liked to keep a tight lid on her life.
Kris knew that too. She leaned her
head back, thinking, but didn’t ask
anymore. Then she closed her eyes on a
sigh. “I’m so glad we worked things out.
It’s been hell without you.”
I lifted my arm over her head to pull
her in closer, and we both said, “Friends
forever!”
“About fucking time!” Jazz yelled
from down the hall. “Haven’t you two
heard of hoes before bros?”
Kris burst out with a hard and fast
laugh that sounded so funny I cracked up.
Tonight might get a little crazy…and we
needed it!
Chapter Eighteen
Jasmine
I left Kris and Ave laughing their
heads off in the living room to go to the
bathroom and then my room because I’d
left my phone on my desk. It blinked and
I stopped with my hand over it,
wondering if Nash had texted.
Nope. Corbin did. Hey girl.
Corbin, popping up again. Did he
even have any idea what it did to me
when he texted? He was probably sitting
there with his friends when he shot off
the text. Or maybe he was with another
girl and trying to line something up for
later.
That’s what I picture, him not giving
a damn and just wanting another girl for
the night, and yet I haven’t been able to
shake my feelings for him. I’ll stop
everything and lose my breath because
he sent a fucking text.
I never answered his last one. That
was something. It’d been the first time I
ever ignored anything from him. I usually
answered within minutes. But life had
gone all strange on me, and Nash came
into the picture. Maybe I had finally
broken free from Corbin. Well, maybe
that was the one good thing coming out
of this freaky Nash situation.
There were a few times before when
I deleted Corbin’s picture so it didn’t
show up with his texts, but I always
added it back on. This time I opened his
contact and hovered my thumb over the
delete button.
I couldn’t let this go on any longer. It
hurt too much. I don’t mean anything to
Corbin except a good time once in a
while—once in a great while now.
I held my breath and pushed Delete.
My phone popped up with, “Are you
sure you want to delete this contact?”
Yes, I’m fucking sure.
It hurt and felt good at the same time.
I turned the phone off and set it back
on my desk, then just stood there in a
daze. Sometimes life felt like a
cannonball had shot through my chest
and left a big, burning hole. It felt better
when I spent time with Corbin at first,
but now he was a part of that pain.
But why? Why was I stuck on him,
and why did I hurt like this?
I rubbed my face and fixed my hair
into a tighter bun, then got some art
supplies out.
I ended up drawing Nash.
Fuck.
Chapter Nineteen
Marcus
I listened to Jen roll over and fluff
her pillow again. Then again. Then she
flopped back the other way.
“Hey, sis, why don’t you go to the
hotel to sleep?” I asked into the
darkness.
The rustling got quiet.
“I’m fine.”
“Ha! No you’re not. I can hear you
rolling around trying to get
comfortable.”
That hospital cot couldn’t be very
soft. It looked even worse than the bed I
slept in, and that was saying a lot.
“You can’t be that comfortable
either.” She wiggled around some more,
I think turning over to face my direction.
“Yeah, but you don’t have to be stuck
here and not sleeping.”
“Why not?” she asked. “I don’t mind.
It’s really not any better being in a room
with mom and dad. You know dad
snores like a chainsaw on crack. Ca-ca-
ca-ca.” She made a horrible, nasally
dying sound that sent us both into
snorting laughter.
It was true. He could wake a
vampire during the daylight hours.
When I calmed down, I asked, “Why
not get your own room?”
“Marcus, I’m fine. It’s not the bed.
My mind won’t slow down.”
I chewed on that for a couple of
minutes. “Yeah, my mind does that too.”
“Seems like you’d do it even more.”
“Uh?” I rolled onto my side, folding
my good arm under my head. A few
lights in the room blinked and I could
almost make her out. I sensed her more
than saw her though. Sometimes it’s nice
to sit in the dark and talk to someone.
“Cause I’m in this bed and having
trouble?”
I’d been working my ass off in
therapy, putting in the same energy and
dedication I put into snowboarding. It
was paying off. Slowly paying off. It
wasn’t the instant gratification of
creating and landing a new trick but I
was getting there. Jen didn’t comment
for a while.
“Because you were in Avery’s head
for a long time. You said all you had
were your thoughts, right?”
“Yeah, kinda.” I sighed, moving
again so I could try to scratch inside the
cast. Damn this stupid thing. It was
supposed to come off soon. I was getting
more and more control back too. I even
drew a picture of Avery today. I just
didn’t get to talk to her.
I wondered what was going on with
her and school and her friends. And
Kyle—had he talked to her again? Had
he really changed his ways and left her
alone? Or was he chasing her again?
Chasing her still?
“Marc?”
“Yeah?” I sounded distracted and
instantly knew she could tell that too.
“I can practically hear your mental
gears churning over there.”
“Just thinking about Avery… You
don’t think Dad is right, do you?” Until I
said those words, I had no idea that
they’d gained any weight in my mind.
“What the hell, Marcus.” She either
sat or leaned up. “Did you lose your
balls in the accident?”
I was too shocked to laugh. Good
joke though.
“Dude, seriously, Dad’s been
freaked out and talking out his ass. You
know better than to listen to that.” She
scoffed and flopped back on her bed.
We were quiet for a while after that.
I kept running things around, trying to go
back and feel like I did when Avery and
I were so close.
“Some days, like today, I feel far
away from her.”
“That happens in relationships.
You’ll get to see her soon and you’ll feel
as close as ever.”
Peace settled over me like a cool
blanket on my chest.
“You always know what to say and
how to make me feel better, sis.”
“We’re always there for each other,
right?”
“Right. And you should get back to
your life and stop hanging around here.”
She sighed. “I might. Eventually.”
Suddenly I wondered if this was
better than dealing with something else.
Sure, I understood why she’d stayed
here while I was in a coma, but now?
What was she avoiding?
“When you’re reading to talk…”
“I know. But for now I just want to
live in the moment and not think about
the future. Well, not my future. I’m happy
about your recovery.”
I wished she was closer so I could
grab her hand or even hug her.
Sleepiness finally came and I closed my
eyes. I thought about telling Jen
goodnight but I slipped off into sleep too
suddenly.
Chapter Twenty
Avery
Was I dreaming? It did and didn’t
feel like it as I looked at Tom and Elaina
sitting together, his arm around her
shoulders and his head resting against
her. They were sitting in front of a
window and I walked around to the side
to see their faces. Elaina wiped a tear
from under her eye before patting Tom’s
hand on her shoulder.
Soft light came in from somewhere,
maybe the window, but it was hard to
tell. I couldn’t even tell what kind of
room they were in –the hospital or a
hotel? The chairs were padded like the
kind you see in hotels.
“Hello?”
They didn’t react, and I started to
think I was dreaming, but why was I
dreaming about them? This wasn’t
anything like the other dreams, so maybe
it was the normal, everyday kind of
dream. I stepped closer, feeling like it
was really them…
Another chair sat close by, so I
pulled it over and sat down with them.
She closed her eyes and leaned against
him too. I hadn’t seen them like this, so
open and vulnerable.
“Listen, I’d never do anything to hurt
Marcus… I don’t know why you’re so
worried, but I’m on his side.” I watched
for a reaction and didn’t see anything but
I kept talking anyway, telling them the
real story of how Marcus and I met, how
we didn’t get along, and how we
changed each other. They didn’t look at
me or talk, but they didn’t get up and
leave either, so I just kept going.
I’m not sure how long I talked; it felt
like hours. I woke up some time later in
a quiet, dark house. I wasn’t in bed. It
took a couple of minutes to orientate
myself.
I had sat on the couch watching the
candle until I fell asleep. Kris had gone
back to her friend’s for one last night,
and to get her stuff so she could come
home. Guess Jazz went to bed too. It’ll
be nice when Kris is here again, and
then Dawn might come around more. We
can start hanging out again. Man, I
missed them.
The closest clock was in the kitchen
so I quietly made my way there. Eleven
forty. I had planned to call Marcus. I
lingered in the kitchen, just standing
there in my indecision.
Then I remembered I’m strong and
decisive, and decided I would wait and
talk to him tomorrow. The decision
made me sad and yet I stuck with it. I
grabbed a protein bar for a lazy dinner
and got ready for bed.
Once I was lying there, ready to go
back to sleep, my mind woke up all the
way. Great.
“Marcus, I have so much to tell you,”
I whispered. Just thinking about him
made me ache, and my focus switched to
us and our relationship. A few more
days, and we could see each other. That
helped and hurt at the same time. How
on earth could I need him so much? It
made me wonder. If this was love, why
did people do it? Wouldn’t it be easier
to not need anyone?
But I couldn’t help this if I tried, and
I don’t want to. I want him. Need him.
Love him. I still felt like he was a part of
me even though he wasn’t here,
whispering in my brain.
But somehow I would need to figure
out how to live my life, and be me, and
find myself and my goals and dreams… I
sighed and rolled over, my brain on a
crazy spin roll thinking of Marcus, Jazz,
Nash… and my dad for some reason. I
used to think of my mom all the time and
miss her like crazy. I’ve been too angry
at my dad to think straight about him.
But the strangest thing is connecting
in my brain. If Nash could suddenly
understand my situation and forgive me,
maybe I could try it? Maybe I could
forgive my dad and let go of the anger?
That was a scary thought.
There was no way I could fall asleep
with so many tracks running in my head,
but oddly I felt myself falling and
swirling in that lovely decent.
I woke up on the board—flying
downhill fast.
I gasped and heard Marcus laugh,
long and loud and happy. It took a few
seconds to orientate myself, but it was a
few good seconds as I saw the pristine
powder under us, the snowscape ahead
as it flattened out, and then the gray steel
sky up ahead.
Why are we running away?
What are you talking about, babe?
I don’t know…
I just got this feeling we’re running
away from something. Not a real danger
behind us here, but something else. I
couldn’t put my finger on it.
Don’t we come here to escape life
for a few?
We were doing riddles tonight. I
pulled in a breath of crisp, cold air and
let the charged molecules energize me. I
wanted to feel new. I wanted to relax
and enjoy this. But there was
something…
Oh! I have to tell you about Nash.
Yeah?
Marcus was totally into the curves.
We were taking a slow casual decent.
Nash isn’t mad at me anymore. He
knows. He believes now.
Really? I’m surprised. He’s so
serious and analytical.
Jazz talked to him and something
happened.
It all came to mind and Marcus
followed, seeing what I saw and
remembering it with me.
Stranger things have happened…
Like us?
We slowed to a near stop and both of
us plopped into a snowdrift on our
backs. Marcus rolled to face me and
reached out to grab me and pull me
closer.
His hair was longer right now, the
way I imagined it before when he was in
my head, and both his arms were fine.
He gazed into my eyes with a tenderness
that left me speechless. Defenseless.
“I want you so bad,” he whispered,
his gaze dropping to my mouth.
“I want you too.” I lifted my head,
trying to reach him.
“I want you in real life, the real me,
when I’m healthy.”
“You are healthy.” I took his face in
my hands. “You’re perfect.” Then I
pulled him close.
Before he kissed me, he said against
my lips, “This weekend, Ave. I’m having
you this weekend. I’m going to make
love to you for hours.”
When his lips finally did touch mine,
I thought, this will do just fine for now.
Chapter Twenty-One
Nash
Hindsight is twenty-twenty. God, I
hate that expression. It’s like people
want to be lazy and not think things
through, and then later they can just
blame it on inexperience. And that’s
exactly what I did wrong with Avery: I
didn’t really peruse her and then, later
on, I realized that’s what she either
wanted or needed. I was too polite and
didn’t fight for her. But that might not
have mattered, since it seems that fate
intervened.
Fate. I pulled my sleeve up and
glanced at the ink stain on my arm again.
Jasmine was close by and I would find
her.
But my whole point with this is that
I’m not making the same mistake again. I
learned my lesson. I’m not going to
pretty-please my way around with Jazz.
I spotted her up ahead, and picked up
my pace, dodging around a few people
to reach her.
“You can’t avoid me forever,” I said
as I walked up behind her. God, this
woman was beautiful and mysterious
and seriously sexy.
She looked up at me with those dark
eyes but didn’t appear surprised to see
me. Actually, she probably felt me
coming. I’d been feeling her for the last
few days, ever since we talked.
We matched each other’s pace and
walked in silence, turning to leave the
crowded walkway. She held a couple of
her books against her chest even though
she had her backpack on.
“It takes me a while to get used to
things,” she finally said.
“I did notice that.”
“And to just accept things if it seems
like I don’t have a choice.”
I turned to her. “Of course you have a
choice.”
“Do I?”
I gave her a look—it wasn’t one I’d
usually give someone I didn’t know
well, but I knew she could read it. She
would understand and know I was
checking her logic on that one. Sure, any
logic we applied here would be
different…but apparently we were
different.
I thought of the vine on my arm but
jerked my thoughts away from it—what
if she picked up on that? It’d really freak
her out, if she thought fate was running
the show.
I glanced over her head at the
windows behind us. Damn, we did go
together. I was tall, dark and handsome.
She was small and sexy and
complicated. She turned and saw our
reflections too. Something about our
expressions—our eyes—completely
matched. I even liked our skin tones
together, my olive skin and her warm
Japanese complexion.
I touched her arm and guided her to a
bench. Here we were again. She sat
down at the same time as I did, and we
were sitting close enough that she could
lean into me.
And she heard that. She looked up
and gave me a small smile.
“I said I needed some time to think it
over…”
“Even though this seems to be more
about emotion,” I threw in.
“And we don’t actually know each
other.”
“Which we could change.” I lifted
my eyebrows at her. Her face broke into
a smile, a beautiful, quick flash of a
smile.
“And we don’t know what we’re
doing or what this is.”
“And we can explore it and find
out.”
One side of her mouth tilted up,
teasing and inviting. I didn’t hesitate. I
learned down as she turned her face my
way, and I kissed her. I meant to graze
her lips quickly with mine, but instead I
lingered and then teased her lips with my
tongue. Her mouth felt so warm, so soft,
so sensual. I wanted to spend hours in
this first kiss, getting her to know her
mouth.
She gasped and pulled back.
“Didn’t you want that?” I asked. I
know she did.
She shook her head, her gaze on my
chest to avoid my eyes. “Yes, I did.
But… Nash, we can’t go down this
road.”
“Why not? I’d say we already are.”
She shook her head, looking away
from me. “It completely messed things
up for Avery.”
“Wait.” I took her chin so she’d meet
my eyes. “What are you saying? I
messed things up for Avery?”
“Oh, no, I mean the thing with
Marcus did. She’s way behind in school
and her life is a mess, and I don’t know
if I want to willingly go through
something like that. Something like this.
I’ve already let a guy mess my life up. I
don’t want to do it twice.” Jasmine
glanced up, looking at me with regret in
her eyes. “I won’t.”
I felt red hot, consuming rage at
whoever hurt her. It shocked me.
I didn’t want to lose this chance. I
didn’t want to lose her before we even
tried.
“Jazz, look at this.” I pulled my
sleeve up and showed her the vine.
She glanced between the design and
my face several times, confused at first,
then curious. “Nice, did you draw it?”
“No. I don’t know how it got there.”
Her eyes narrowed, her lips forming
a question. Then she shook her head
again and started to get up. I touched her
arm—softly—but she hesitated.
“It showed up while we were talking
the last time.”
“How?”
“This magic we’re sharing, I guess.
It put it there because of you.”
She straightened and stared at me.
“You just said we did have a choice in
this, but then you’re showing me that?”
Jazz took a step back and turned to face
away.
Did we have a choice? It didn’t
matter to me. I wanted her.
She looked at me so sharply I could
tell she heard that.
“No.” She said the word softly, and
somehow that made it echo even louder
in my mind. She walked backwards for
several steps before turning around and
taking off.
So it’s not going to be easy.
I watched how far Jazz made it
before glancing back at me. It was that
glance that told me not to give up.
It won’t be easy but she’s worth it.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Avery
Marcus was sitting up on his bed
when I entered, dressed in a gray T-shirt
and long black sports sweats with a
white line running down the leg. His hair
looked nice. He looked nice. Hot.
Happy. Relaxed.
He grinned at me, the white of his
teeth flashing and making my heart
skitter around. His eyes gleamed like he
had a secret, like a little boy waiting for
me to notice something. Oh!
“Your cast is off!”
“Yeah.” He rose and stepped toward
me, almost in slow motion. I watched as
he walked up to me and gazed down into
my eyes. Damn, it felt nice to look up at
him.
He took my face in both his hands
and leaned down to kiss me softly and
quickly on the lips.
“Mmmm.”
“Hmm, hmmm,” he agreed, then
pulled back and looked at me with his
melt-my-heart warm amber brown eyes.
I smiled and stretched up to kiss him,
and as soon as our mouths met, he teased
mine open with his tongue.
This wasn’t the sweet hello kiss I’d
expected. But it’s what I suddenly
wanted very much.
His hands wound into my hair,
pulling my head back, his tongue taking
over my mouth. His other arm pulled me
against him, and I finally got to feel both
of his arms wrapped around me,
claiming me, holding me close.
He felt back on his game. Before
this, Marcus had only kissed me like this
in our dreams. Now… Wow…
His hands slid down my back and
over my hips, then he pulled me closer
in a quick motion.
“Mm!” I made a quiet noise before I
could stop myself.
His hand came up my back and to my
hair again, playing with it, sinking his
fingers into my strands. It’d been so long
since anyone did that, it undid me. I went
limp against him as he kissed me. His
hand slid deeper into my hair to cradle
my head, and he kissed his way to my
ear.
My head leaned to one side and his
mouth found the soft skin on my neck. He
kissed softly up my neck, then nibbled.
Marcus straightened, and I finally
opened my eyes to look at him again. He
watched me back, playing with my hair
and then fixing it, twisting strands like he
knew what he was doing. His hands felt
so nice in my hair…on my arms…on my
stomach as one slid up to graze over my
breast. My body silently screamed,
dying, needing.
“So nice… touching with both hands
like this, nothing in the way.”
“Oh, I know,” I breathed.
My eyes must have said it all too.
Marcus stepped back, took my hand and
led me to the bed to sit down with him.
“We’re going to get ourselves too
excited…and someone could walk in.”
I pulled in a cleansing breath, and he
could probably hear how much I needed
him right in that second.
“See, we made it through the week,”
he said with a big smile, and maybe fake
bravado, as he nudged my chin.
“It’s driving me crazy,” I admitted.
“I have good news then…” That
playful smile came back along with a
glint in his eyes.
“I’m waiting.”
“I got a weekend pass.”
Everything in me lifted, like dark
clouds blasting apart and the sun
bursting through in vibrant yellow. Then
I wondered where we would go.
“I rented a cabin out in the country,”
he added. “With a hot tub.”
I was floored—and then I
remembered how badly he wanted a real
trip for us. This would be perfect, just
the two of us, along finally, without any
cares.
“The one catch is… I’m not
supposed to drive yet.”
“That’s no big deal. I’ve been
driving us around all this time anyway.
At least, when you were up here.” I
pointed to my head. Other people were
walking into the room behind me. So
what did his parents think about this
whole weekend idea? I braced and
turned around, putting a smile on my face
before greeting them.
Elaina smiled back. I expected a
hard stare from Tom but his blue eyes
actually looked kind. It sent me off kilter
for a minute.
They said hi at the same time.
“Hi there… It’s nice seeing Marcus
without the cast, isn’t it?”
His mom gave him a big smile.
“Sure is,” Tom said, hugging Marcus.
“Very nice to see you on his feet and
moving around… All set to head out?”
I stood back, shocked but happy to
see this change. Before Marcus
answered, I heard Elaina sigh softly. It
was a happy sound. Apparently it
smoothed things over when they could
see he was making a full recovery.
Marcus answered his dad and Elaina
turned to me to say, “I can’t believe he’s
checking out so soon. Well, I should
have known he’d be ready this soon.
He’s always been like that.”
I tilted my head, curious, but before I
could ask what she was talking about,
two doctors entered the room. It was
starting to get packed in here. Marcus
glanced over as everyone said hi, then
waved me over to him. He must have
seen I was feeling a little claustrophobic
and antsy.
“So what’s going on?” I asked him,
halfway hushed even though they could
all hear.
“He’s getting out of here,” the young,
handsome doctor announced with a wide
smile. Dr. Michaels, I remembered.
“Really?”
“Yup, I’m checking out of here and
just going to outpatient therapy for a
while. I’ll be training again before you
know it.” He held out his fist and I
bumped it.
“Congrats!”
“We had to come see you off,” Dr.
Michaels said, throwing out his hand to
shake with Marcus. Several nurses came
him behind them. They all wanted hugs
and handshakes. One had a photo of
Marcus from Sochi for him to sign.
“Wow, this is quite the sendoff,”
Marcus said. I slipped back and took a
seat. When I did, I happened to notice
Jen standing by the door. I squeezed by
everyone and stepped into the hallway
with her.
“Great news, huh?” she asked, her
blue eyes sparkling.
“Totally.” I pulled in a long deep
breath to calm my nerves. I felt almost
high and lightheaded about it and this
weekend with him. She took a step to
peek into the room and I asked, “So what
are you planning after this?”
“I’m heading back to Colorado
tonight. Mom and dad are going to spend
the weekend on the coast so they can see
Marcus Monday.” She had her arms
wrapped across her stomach and took a
big breath, making me wonder if she was
nervous about going back to normal life.
“We should keep in contact.”
“For sure.” She gave me a genuine
smile as the nurses began filing out of
the room. “Looks like they’re letting him
go.”
***
So the drive out to the cabin gave us
the chance to catch up about everything:
how I talked to Kris, the thing with Kyle,
and the possible thing between Jazz and
Nash. We’d shared most of this in our
dreams in one form or another but it felt
good to discuss it.
“But she hasn’t said anything?”
Marcus asked. He held my hand in the
center of the car while I drove. A few
feathery clouds stretched across the sky
above the newly leafed out maple trees
that lined the road. It made a really
pretty picture as we zipped along
through the sun and shade spots.
“No… she’s keeping a pretty tight lid
on it.”
“But you still think there’s something
there?”
I shrugged and glanced over. “I guess
it’s more of a feeling than putting
anything together.”
“Does it bother you, if there is
something?”
He sounded curious, if maybe a bit
guarded. It was a funny topic to discuss
with Marcus: my old (almost) boyfriend
getting together with one of my closest
friends.
“It doesn’t bother me, not about
them, but I feel a little odd about how
this thing is spreading.”
“First Kyle… Then Jazz and Nash.”
“Yeah, and maybe… maybe your
parents.”
“How’s that?” He turned his body
my way.
“I’m not sure if it actually did
anything, but I dreamed about them, so I
tried to talk to them and let them know
they could trust me.” I shrugged and
peeked at him, unsure how he’d react. It
felt a little like I’d tried to manipulate
them.
“Wow, cause they did have a change
of heart out of the blue…” He rubbed his
chin with his knuckles, thinking. “They
didn’t say anything to me about dreams
or anything odd, but who knows? Maybe
it did work.”
He didn’t sound like he minded what
I did.
We were almost to the cabin and the
scenery was so breathtaking that it was
hard to feel anything but joy. White and
pink blossoms speckled the trees in
patches of sun, and in other places ferns
grew around tall, thick evergreens. The
sun set while we drive and the forest
areas grew darker. The GPS announced
a turn soon, and when our road came up
and I turned off.
We grinned at each other. This was
our time.
The dirt road dipped down into a
gully with ferns and thick forest all
around it. With night approaching, there
were small spots of silver light shining
down through the trees, catching on a
leaf or fern here and there to make
mysterious outlines.
The moist, rich forest smell slipped
into the car, inviting us. We followed the
drive for about a half a block when the
cabin came into view. It was a small log
cabin, but very nice, and the front porch
light had been left on for us. The porch
had a big wooden swing and firewood
outside the front door.
“So rustic and pretty,” I breathed as I
pulled up and parked.
Marcus jumped out and ran around
the car to my side. I laughed, so happy to
see him up and active like that.
He opened my door and made a big,
sweeping bow with a hand flourish. “My
lady, your magical weekend awaits.”
When I stepped out of the car,
however, he pulled me into his arms and
kissed me, backing me up against the car.
I gripped him by his hair, pulling him
close, kissing with him with everything
in me.
Minutes later, he pulled back enough
to plant a quick kiss on my lips, then on
my cheek, the other one, my forehead,
my neck, and then he started sucking and
making me laugh and gasp at the same
time.
“Alright, now we go inside.”
***
Half an hour later, I opened the
bathroom door with a big beach towel
wrapped around my swimsuit. Marcus
had gone out to open the hot tub. I
stepped outside into the cool night air
that felt alive with night secrets. A
million stars twinkled down and the
sliver moon, just rising over on the
horizon, threw soft moonbeams across
the yard and evergreens.
It was quiet so I thought I was alone
until he moved. Marcus stepped closer
and took my free hand.
“I can’t believe we’re here
together,” he said, his voice quiet and
soft, like a summery breeze. His other
hand lifted to my shoulder, and I felt his
finger running along my collar bone. I
couldn’t help but close my eyes. The
sensation triggered a shiver that vibrated
through my entire body, then settled in
my low abdomen. It caught me by
surprise like it does every time, and
while I marveled over it, Marcus turned
toward the hot tub and moon light
gleamed on his fully nude body.
And that feeling low in my body
tightened and turned over; something
feeling like hot liquid shot through me.
He stepped into the hot tub and threw an
evil grin over his shoulder.
“You didn’t want to get that swimsuit
all wet, did you?” His voice held a dare.
I started to tell him to turn around…
and remembered he had seen all of this
before, but from inside my head. The
cool air and seductive moonlight must
have done me in, along with the beautiful
man standing before me.
I accepted the dare. I slowly slid the
shoulder straps off and reached behind
to undo my bikini top, then tossed it in
the pool chair. Marcus faced me but he
didn’t seem to be looking down. Half of
me wanted him to, but the other half was
thankful for his politeness as I shimmed
out of my bottoms and tossed them in the
chair too.
He held out a hand for me. It was
dark enough, and I wasn’t familiar with
the steps inside the water, so I gratefully
took his hand and climbed in. He sat
first, still holding my hand, and guided
me to sit on his lap.
The heat of the water seeped right
into me, feeling so nice. Relief swept
through me as my body relaxed and I
leaned back against his chest.
The moon inched up a tiny bit more
and its light swam over my face and the
hot tub water.
“Oh, wow…” Marcus breathed in
my ear.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
“I’m sure the moon is too, but you
should see your body in the silver light.”
I tilted my head enough to see… oh
my. My skin was all wet and gleaming,
and my stomach was flat and tone. Wow.
Was it the running and sit ups? I looked
good. A secret thrill ran through me that
Marcus was holding me and
appreciating me like this, and then his
hands came around me and flattened on
my lower stomach. I coiled up inside,
feeling desire like never before. I
gasped and then held my breath as his
hands ever so slowly began to slide
upward—soft and intentional like he
was reading brail, his palms against me
but also his fingertips playing notes on
my skin. Memorizing me. His breath
sped up next to my ear.
He caressed over my lower stomach
and navel and inch by inch up to my ribs.
There he slowed down even more while
I silently begged please, please, please.
His breath turned ragged.
I reached up to his hands and guided
them upward to cover my breasts.
Lava hot heat exploded inside me,
burning outward and pooling in a
wonderful pain. I twisted my face and
found his neck. The scent of his skin
filled my nose as I moaned into him. I
thought I was about to die, and then he
slid one hand back down, moving as
slowly as before. My body pushed up
out of the water on its own accord, my
mind nothing but white hot light. My
blood pounded in my head and, oddly,
my lips. I felt them swelling.
The ache started low and rose inside
me, a physical pointed ache I didn’t
know existed before. One of his hands
slid slowly down my stomach and
between my legs.
I couldn’t stop myself from panting.
Marcus’s teeth closed around my
earlobe and I heard a low hum.
Whatever he was doing vibrated through
me. His fingers moved on my body, on
the sensitive place, making me want
more. I reached up and gripped his hair,
trying not to scream, as he slipped his
fingers into me. I couldn’t contain
myself. I couldn’t be quiet. And I
couldn’t keep my hand away. I held onto
him still while reaching down, covering
his hand, pushing his fingers deeper into
me.
He slid up, pulling me into a sitting
position, without removing his hand,
touching me until everything inside of me
broke. The white light behind my eyelids
burst into color as my body rocked.
Then it felt like all the blood drained
from my head, leaving me dizzy. Happy.
Floating. My body vibrating. My legs
felt funny, like I wouldn’t be able to
walk if I tried.
I wanted to say his name but felt
myself twirling through space, thoughts
floating away.
“Ave? Babe? You okay?”
His voice sounded musical to me. I
wanted to bottle it and take it with me
always.
“Hmm?”
“That good, huh?”
“Oh! Oh.” I tried to lift my head.
Slowly, I slid and turned around to sit on
his lap facing him. “Marcus, that was
amazing…”
The moonlight bounced off his
perfect white teeth. I’d noticed his three
day growth earlier that was turning into
more of a beard, but his face looked
different in the moonlight. Older in a
good way, like refined and classy. His
eyes were darker too, maybe all of his
features more stark. I traced his
eyebrows; they were strong and defining
in his handsome, chiseled face.
“That was like your bath. Remember
that, at the beach house?”
“How could I forget?” I almost
giggled, embarrassed, and realized he
had just recreated that moment, but with
him in it physically.
Marcus took me by the hips so I’d
stand up. I thought he wanted to get out
of the hot tub, but instead he guided me
to the edge so I was bent over it, his
hands sliding down my back, over my
ass and between my legs. He ran a finger
across me and inside, and got me
worked up again, panting, griping the
tub’s edge.
Just as I whispered, “I want you,” I
felt his maleness touch me.
Oh, my, god, it was the most amazing
feeling of my life as he finally slid
inside in a slow, long push.
“Yes, oh, fuck, yes!” I pushed back
against him, wanting more.
“My god, Avery.”
I could tell he wanted to take his
time but I couldn’t handle it. I’d been
aching for him for so long, and I just
wanted him to use me. Words escaped
me but I reached back to his hip to pull
him against me harder and faster. His
hands roamed by back before grabbing
my hips.
It was mad and fast and crazy and
everything I needed and wanted. I came
three times in a row before he suddenly
lost control in one, final push that sent
me over the edge again.
I saw stars, literally saw little white
lights blinking all around me.
Marcus fell forward, pressing his
face to my back before kissing his way
around my shoulder blades. I shivered
from his touch.
“Cold?”
“No… happy,” I breathed my
answer. “I like your touch and kisses.”
He kept kissing my back, making me
wiggle. My legs were in the water still,
and I realized we were probably getting
too hot. He sensed that too and turned me
around so we could wrap our arms
around each other.
A minute later he pulled me even
closer so I wrapped myself around his
body, and suddenly he pushed up to his
feet.
“Marcus!” I panicked, thinking he
couldn’t hold me after his injuries.
“Babe, I’ve got you.” He carefully
stepped out of the hot tub and carried me
toward the glass door.
He did have me.
He didn’t shake or even act like it
was hard to carry me. We went inside
and he took me to the bedroom, holding
me close and planting a very soft, sweet,
tender kiss on my forehead as he
walked.
He laid me down on my back and, as
he pulled back, ran his hands down my
naked body. I arched up into his touch,
my body going all hot for him again.
“Now I get to take my time,” he said
in a voice that didn’t leave room for
arguing, while he sat back to take me in.
His long, intimate look made me tingle
with anticipation. When he finally
moved, he leaned down to caress my
feet, and then slowly moved his hands up
my calves, molding to the curve of them.
His mouth followed, lightly kissing up
one and down the other. He skimmed his
lips over my skin, breathing hot breath
on me, and ever so lightly touching with
his tongue.
“Mmm, come up here.”
“Not yet. Don’t move, okay?” His
voice was sweet and firm, teasing. I
couldn’t hold still while his hands and
mouth played up and down my legs,
though. “Ave, don’t move!”
I tried to hold still as he kissed and
caressed higher and higher, and then his
mouth kissed up one thigh and hovered
between my legs.
“You know… I seem to recall telling
you… I’d show you what a real kiss felt
like.”
I thought back—he did tease me
quite a bit when I could only hear him.
“Maintenant je vais vous montrer…”
He spoke low, his voice tickling over
my most intimate part. I didn’t
understand anything he said as he
continued to tease me.
“Whaaat?” I could hardly talk. Had I
really forgotten he spoke French?
Excitement rippled up me, and not just
because his breath was tantalizing me
there, but because I knew we had so
many things to still talk about and share.
“And you meant—Oh! Oh, my god!”
I was not holding still now. I
couldn’t keep my back on the bed. I
could not get enough of this man. And
just as I thought that, he slid his finger
inside while teasing with his tongue. I
grabbed hold of a pillow, twisting it in
my hand and then biting it to muffle my
moans.
I wrapped a leg around Marcus’s
head and screamed into the pillow. How
did he do that to me again so soon?
Surprising me more, he nibbled his way
up the dip by my hip and over my
stomach.
“You’re…not…holding….still.”
I wasn’t! I was squirming and
pushing my body up into his touch. Still,
he did what he said and took his time,
kissing every inch of my skin, running
his hands over every curve and dip, and
exploring his way up until he was
looking down at my face. His hands
wove into my hair and gripped two
handfuls, tilting my head back so he
could kiss me, tongue to tongue, our
mouths moving together as he slid into
me.
“You drive me crazy,” he said, one
hand smoothing my hair back so he could
kiss on my neck.
“I drive you crazy?” I had to laugh.
“Ohh, do that again!”
That made me laugh more, and I
guess tighten around him. By the sounds
he made, he liked it. A lot. I bit my lip—
I had a way to tease him back now.
But even with my touching him all
over and teasing, he didn’t hurry. We’d
waited so long for this so I didn’t really
mind. And we had several more
positions to try…
Somehow each orgasm just built into
the next until my entire body felt warm,
lazy and satisfied. Then Marcus rolled
onto his side, pulling me with him so we
were lying facing each other. The new
angle felt amazing. My mouth fell open
and I started to close my eyes, ready to
climax again, but he touched me.
“Look at me.”
Once I saw the love and heat mixed
in his eyes, I couldn’t look away. It was
the hottest thing ever. I bit my lip, getting
close, and that did him in. He took me by
the shoulders, my name on his lips as he
came hard. It left me dizzy and happy,
and half asleep for a while. He spoke to
me softly, sweet words, sometimes in
French.
“Je t’aime, Tiger Lily.”
Then I felt his fingers softly tracing
up my arm and over my collarbone. He
slowly mapped his way around, his
touch so sensual and nice after our
lovemaking. I finally opened my eyes to
smile at him.
“Nothing can break our bond,” he
said quietly, his gaze reaching into mine.
“I know that now,” I agreed, running
my hands up his arms, feeling his
muscles that were starting to build again.
He whispered ever so softly, “Babe,
I love you.”
“I love you too. So much.”
“I love you, Avery, more than
anything. No matter what, forever. You
and I will always be a part of each
other.” He intertwined his fingers with
mine.
Maybe fate did bring us together, but
we made the magic. Like Marcus said,
we’re a part of each other forever.
About the Author
Kristen James lives in Oregon, USA,
and enjoys hiking, cycling, camping,
traveling, reading, and spending time
with her family. She’s often out in the
mountains, picking wild berries or
mushrooms.
Kristen is also a bestselling author of
emotional love stories, mostly set in the
Pacific Northwest. She discovered her
love of writing in the fourth grade when
her class wrote short stories, and she’s
been writing ever since.
http://www.writerkristenjames.com
Hear about contests, freebies and new releases first.
Also by Kristen James:
More Than Memories, Book 1
A Wedding to Remember, Book 2
Embers of Hope, Book 1
More Than a Promise, Book 2
Costa Rica
In A Field of Oranges
Point Hope
A Cowboy For Christmas
Document Outline
- Chapter One Marcus
- Chapter Two Avery
- Chapter Three Marcus
- Chapter Four Avery
- Chapter Five Marcus
- Chapter Six Avery
- Chapter Seven Marcus
- Chapter Eight Jasmine
- Chapter Nine Avery
- Chapter Ten Marcus
- Chapter Eleven Avery
- Chapter Twelve Kristina
- Chapter Thirteen Avery
- Chapter Fourteen Marcus
- Chapter Fifteen Jasmine
- Chapter Sixteen Nash
- Chapter Seventeen Avery
- Chapter Eighteen Jasmine
- Chapter Nineteen Marcus
- Chapter Twenty Avery
- Chapter Twenty-One Nash
- Chapter Twenty-Two Avery
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