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Published: 2015-11-23 Completed: 2015-12-05 Chapters: 5/5 Words:
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All Hail the Outlaws
Summary
One of Remus Lupin's three jobs happens to be working maintenance for their flat
building. He gets to meet all sorts, most of whom he would rather have nothing to do with.
Until James Potter and Sirius Black move in across the hall. Engineering students and self-
proclaimed geniuses, the pair set out to make their neighbours new best friends, and
everyone's life is turned upside down, but in the best way possible.
Notes
So this is dedicated to the three (or maybe four) Anons who requested transboy Remus
University AU. I had one specifically ask for low vision Sirius, so I put that in there as
well, and since I had so many requests, I've decided to make this a multi-chaptered fic.
Expect about four or five, I think. We'll see. It's going to be a friends-to-lovers, slow burn
fic, and I'm not sure there's going to be a specific, central plot, but who doesn't love a good
University AU.
Hopefully everyone enjoys this start though! And the rating may change, but I reckon
there will be at least one explicit chapter, so I'm leaving it as explicit for now. xx
Chapter 1
Pulling his jumper over his wet curls, Remus grimaced and cursed that he didn’t have enough time
to properly get ready before his day. He’d woken up late, it was injection day so that always took
a while because whilst he’d been on the injections for two years, he still hated needles and nothing
would change that. He had a five o’clock shadow and only time for a quick once-over with his
electric razor. So needless to say, Remus Lupin wasn’t in the best of moods when he was jetting
off for work.
His flatmate, Peter, was already gone for his early morning lectures, but was kind enough to leave
the kettle ready to go. He banged a tea bag into the bottom of his travel mug, and tapped his foot
impatiently as the water began to boil. Nibbling on the end of a biscuit, he knew he was going to
regret not having something proper to eat, but some things just had to be sacrificed, and decent
breakfast was taking the hit today.
Just as the kettle clicked off, Remus heard a noise coming from the corridor. A loud bang, then a
load of swearing. With a frown, he poured the water over his tea, then hurried to the door. Prying
it open just a crack, Remus mashed his face into the opening and one amber eye peered round.
At first there was nothing. On their floor, only two of the flats were occupied, but it looked like
Flat B was about to have an occupant or two. Remus caught a glimpse of a tall person with messy
black hair hauling a rather large box through the door, still muttering curses under his breath.
Luckily the person seemed round his age, so changes were they wouldn’t be completely horrible.
Unlike the two old ladies who’d been there before. They’d seemed nice until Remus and Peter
had a conversation with them in which they insisted on misgendering Remus, “Well dear, we
can’t really help it. It’s a bit obvious.” And then lecturing him on how, “You just need to find
yourself. Have you tried a church, love?”
And Remus was tired of well-meaning old people who ‘just wanted the best’ for him. And
apparently their version of ‘the best’ for him was living a gender he wasn’t.
I mean honestly, even his doddering old gran had accepted him when he came out and had less
instances of misgendering than anyone else in Remus’ family. Of course she’d been a special sort.
When she passed, she’d written him a large sum into her will for whatever surgeries or procedures
he felt was necessary for him.
He’d chosen top surgery, at age eighteen. His mum had cried a bit, the only one in his family to
give him the, “Where’s my little girl go.” Which had hurt. He’d locked himself in his flat for a
solid week and refused to talk to anyone until Peter dragged him out and got him pissed, let him
cry and rage against how shitty the world was.
Then he forgave her because it was his mum. And for her part, she’d never done it again.
Now he and Peter were flatting together, at the tail end of their University education. Remus was
working two and a half jobs—one at the library, one at a café, and he filled in as maintenance
worker in the building because he’d always been handy with stuff like that, and it got them a
monthly discount on their rent for which Peter was forever grateful.
Pulling away from the door, Remus closed it as quietly as he could manage, wandering back to
the kitchen. He winced at the ache from the jab he’d given himself, but he had no time to whinge
about it. Work was waiting, then afternoon lectures. In fact, he realised as he glanced at the clock,
if he didn’t leave immediately, he was going to be late and the last thing he could afford was to be
sacked from any of his jobs.
Forgetting the tea, he grabbed his pack from the back of the sofa, keys from the side table, and
hurtled himself out the door.
It was by sheer luck alone there was no one in the corridor as he threw himself down the stairs,
bursting out the doors to the pavement below. He noticed two men stood near the open door to a
car, pulling boxes from the back, but he had no time to really look. He reckoned it would be
sooner or later they were ringing him up or texting for maintenance in their shitty flat anyway, so it
was best to leave it at that. Besides, there was no telling if they’d be bigoted arseholes, and Remus
just didn’t have it in him to bother with those anymore.
***
After tripping over the fourth box sat in the middle of the floor, Sirius let out a frustrated growl
and sat down, crossing his arms over his chest like a petulant child. It was how James found him
when he walked in.
“Mate…”
“No,” Sirius said, sniffing in indignation. “I’m not getting up. I refuse to move until I can go about
my own flat without breaking my neck.”
“I told you to just wait on the sofa until I got it sorted. You were the one who insisted on helping.”
“I’m not useless!” Sirius groused loudly.
James rolled his eyes before setting the box down near the door, and walking over to his flatmate.
He stuck his hand out in front of Sirius’ face and waggled it wide enough that Sirius would be
able to see the motion.
“Is that your hand?”
“You bloody know it is,” James muttered.
Sirius sniffed again, then with extreme protest, grabbed it and let James haul him to his feet. “This
is unfair.”
“You said that the last three times we moved flats,” James grumbled as he led Sirius to the sofa.
“Now, sit your arse down whilst I organise so you can actually be of some help instead of sitting
on the floor like a piss-baby.”
Sirius shoved double Vs into the air, then sat back, crossing his arms over his chest. “How many
boxes are left?”
“Just four, and they’re the easy ones. The linens and shit mum sent.”
“Oh. Well…fine.” Sirius stretched up, then put his arms behind his head. “I just want everything
to be put away and ready to go. I can’t afford to be this stressed out during my lectures next
week.”
“Yes, god forbid you have to stress out like the rest of the common population.”
Sirius snorted, but heard the door slam, meaning James had gone back down to fetch the rest of
the boxes. It was just as well, Sirius wouldn’t be much help until the pathways were cleared and
the boxes were sorted by room. He would be instrumental in getting everything put away, so he’d
know exactly where everything was, but until he could move about without falling and bashing
his face, he was banished to the sofa.
He was used to it, though. Born with myopia so severe he’d never been able to see more than
colourful blurs—even with the strongest glasses—this had always been his life. His parents were
determined to stay on top of ocular technology, having him dragged in for surgery after surgery,
but it had never done anything.
His parents, of course, high society aristocrats on his father’s side, and wealthy Thai ambassador
to the UK on his mother’s side, they wanted to present an image. Having a “disabled” son was not
part of that image. So he was sent off to a posh public school where he got the best education, and
was expected to represent his family in top form.
Which well, didn’t fit into Sirius’ plans for himself. Which is how he met James, how they became
named the most notorious pranksters at their school, and how he’d formed a lifetime bond. James,
who had taken Sirius in when he couldn’t take the pressure from his family. When he’d been
ostracised from them after coming out as gay—because, “We didn’t ask for a gay cripple,” and
Sirius knew then there was no going back.
Sirius and James were now finishing up their degree in engineering. They’d got hooked on a
project which would bring more accessibility to the visually impaired, and right now were
working on what they called a “Smart Cane” which allowed the white cane to be connected to
mobile apps. The apps would allow the user access to GPS, as well as object identification,
location identification, and things like that.
They were far from getting it right, but they were working on it. Technology was getting
advanced enough that Sirius knew their project could be a success.
For now though, he just really wanted a hot meal, a beer, and a long sleep.
***
It was sometime near noon when Sirius padded to the kitchen to fix himself some of the curry
James’ mum had sent over. She had been convinced the boys were going to starve to death or
take-away themselves to an heart attack if she didn’t pack the fridge full of pre-cooked meals. So
they had containers full of curries, rice, and vegetables. She’d also stocked them full of tea,
porridge, biscuits for the tea—because what were they, heathens—and some fresh fruit because
they had to be healthy.
So far they had the kitchen sorted, he and James spent over three hours with the braille labeller
and got everything tagged properly and put away. They had the lounge mostly put together, and
Sirius’s bedroom was close to being done only he’d got tired and a bit lazy and chose to put on
Netflix instead of finishing with his books. He wouldn’t have any lectures until Monday though,
so he decided to take full advantage of being a slob of a bachelor and stay in his pyjamas and eat
on his bed, and have several kips so he could boast to James who was working at his father’s
office and in the lab until Saturday.
As he stood near the sink, reaching for the pots that were hanging on hooks, he felt something
funny dripping on his foot. It was cold and wet.
Running his hands along the counter, he couldn’t find the source. It was dry, no spills anywhere.
With a frown, he bent over, swiped his finger through the drops on his toe, then sniffed them. No
scent at all, which meant likely water. Which was coming from where?
With a sigh, Sirius stepped back and opened the cabinet beneath the sink. To his extreme distress,
a small flood unleashed all over his bare feet.
“Buggering fuck,” he cried. Kneeling down, annoyed now that the knees of his pyjamas were
soggy and uncomfortable, his hands reached out to feel round.
It took him all of a moment to realise where it was coming from. There was a leak in the pipe.
Everything was drenched from when he and James had done dishes the night before, and there
was no chance at all of him being able to fix it now. He doubted he even had the tools to do so.
With a grunt, Sirius rose and made his way back to his bedroom where he picked up his mobile.
“Dial James.”
The mobile began to process the call as Sirius struggled out of his wet bottoms. He kicked them to
his dirty clothing pile near the door, and then went to his wardrobe for a fresh pair. Just as he was
struggling into them, James answered.
“This had better be good. I’m about to walk into a meeting.”
“We’ve a leak,” Sirius said. “Everything in the kitchen is sopping wet.”
“You’re not joking, are you? I have no bloody time…”
“I’m not that bored yet, Jamie-boy. But I can’t fix it. We’ve no tools and my pretty, aristocratic
fingers couldn’t take the manual labour.”
“Fucking hell, Sirius,” James groused. “Actually you know what, I’ve a number for the
maintenance person. They live in the building, I think. I’ll send a text.”
“Excellent. I’m going to order for delivery though because I’m not going swimming just for curry.
Have fun at your meeting, arseface. Love you.”
“Love you too, fuckwit.”
Sirius rang off, then ordered out for his pizza and headed to the sofa for a full day of lazy-sodding.
***
Remus had just returned from a long shift at the café. He was covered in all sorts of uncomfortable
things—mainly dredges from foaming milk, espresso grounds which seemed to get bloody
everywhere, and about five hundred different scents of perfumes because apparently no one knew
how to put it on properly and mistook, “A light spritz,” for, “Have a bath in it.”
He was just shrugging into something more comfortable—and less smelly—when his mobile
buzzed with a text. With a groan, he said a silent prayer it was just Pete or Dori asking what he
might want for tea. But of course Remus had no such luck and the text came from the new
resident across the hall.
Hi, er, I’m James and I got this number for maintenance. We’ve a leak, it seems, under the
sink, and my flatmate says there’s water everywhere. If you could get there as soon as
possible, I’d appreciate it. His name is Sirius, btw, and just call out that you’re there to sort
out the sink when you go over. Thx.
Well he was polite at the very least, which Remus could appreciate. Normally he was treated like
an expectation by the residents of the building. Like he existed to sort out any and all problems at
any hour of the day or night. In spite of his hours being given to all residents. In spite of him being
an actual human who might have an actual life, or actual need for sleep.
He swore if he got one more text to change a lightbulb at four in the bloody morning, he’d
consider just burning the building to the ground and spending the rest of his life resting
comfortably in a prison cell.
But he could spare a few moments to fix a leak. It couldn’t be that huge of a problem. He’d just
had a once-over on that flat and it had been in good working order. He’d given it a fresh coat of
paint, changed all the light fixtures, and did basic work on the heating.
With a sigh, Remus walked to his wardrobe and shrugged on a pair of his working trousers and
ratty old t-shirt he’d nicked from Pete. Running his hands back through his hair, he gave up trying
to make himself look even remotely presentable, grabbed his tools, and went over.
Knocking on the door, he tapped his foot until he heard footsteps approaching. He remembered
James’ instruction then, and quickly called out, “I’m here about the sink!”
The door flung open, and stood before him was a person who made Remus immediately regret not
at least trying to make himself look decent. Because this person was bloody gorgeous. Shorter by
an inch or two, a fit body, narrow hips, and a face that made him want to weep.
They were clad in pyjama bottoms and a black t-shirt, but somehow on them it looked elegant
enough to be worn to a Formal Ball. They had longish hair, pulled back into a loose topknot, and
a smirk on their face. Remus was mostly taken with the eyes, though. A fierce, stormy grey as
they stared.
“Er. Hi.”
The person’s smirk turned into a slight grin. “So, here to sort out the sink. Jamie said you’d be by.
I’m Sirius, by the way.”
“Remus. I erm…I work maintenance. I also live across the hall in flat C.”
“Bloody hell, really? So that means I can come bang on your door any time something goes
wrong?”
Remus stumbled a bit, and was about to answer when Sirius threw their head back and laughed.
“Joking, mate. Honestly. I wouldn’t have even bothered with this, except I’ve no idea how to fix a
sink, and I don’t think we have a single tool round here.”
“I er…it’s no problem, really.” Remus moved past this gorgeous apparition and went to the
kitchen. There was indeed a rather large puddle sat where the cabinet doors stood open, and
Remus could see the remnants of water on the pipe.
Walking round the water, he bent over to peer inside and saw it. The pipe itself was busted along
the side, meaning they’d need a new piece. “I think,” he said slowly, “I might be able to patch it
for now, but I’ll need to order a part. Do you erm…have a kitchen towel or something I could
use?”
Glancing over, he saw Sirius leant against the wall, arms folded. “Oh yeah. Jamie left some er…”
With that, Sirius began to feel along the counter, hands outstretched. Their fingers barely missed a
stack of neatly folded kitchen towels, and it was then Remus realised something. Sirius couldn’t
see.
“Just a bit to your right,” Remus said carefully.
Sirius grinned, grabbing a few off the stack and handed them out. “Sorry, new place, just getting
used to everything, you know?”
“Yeah,” Remus breathed. He spread the towels out over the wet spot, trying to mop it up so he
could kneel down. He kept stealing glances over to Sirius who continued to stand there. “Er, can I
ask you something?”
Tensing, Sirius nodded. “Yeah, alright.”
“What are your pronouns?”
“My…pronouns?” Sirius blinked a few times in surprise.
“Yeah erm. I mean do you go by she, him, they, something else that…”
“No I know. I know what you meant. And er I’m a he. I just was expecting…” He stopped then
shook his head and smiled. “Never mind. Just not that. Anyway what about yours, then?”
“He,” Remus said, and waited to see if there would be that look of disbelief because even with his
weekly jabs his voice never got to what most wanted to call passing. High tenor, one of his friends
had described him once. He had an edge to his voice, and he liked it just fine, but the rest of the
world… And Sirius might be blind, but he could still hear it.
“Don’t get asked that much, you know? What my pronouns are. Good habit to keep in, don’t you
think?”
Remus froze, then nodded, then remembered Sirius couldn’t see him. “Right yeah. I mean,
common courtesy and all that.”
“Your voice though,” Sirius said, and Remus thought, oh buggering hell, here we go. “Can’t
place your accent. Where are you from? Is it Welsh?”
Remus let out a breath of surprise, then laughed a bit. “Er yeah, but I lived in Scotland for several
years. My dad’s from there. So things got a bit muddled.”
Sirius grinned widely. “I went to school there. Hogwarts. You know it?”
Remus frowned. He recalled something like that, some posh boarding school which a single year
of cost far more than his parents would have ever made in a lifetime. “I think so. Public school,
yeah?”
Sirius snorted. “It was. You say that with such love, Remus. Are you judging my education?”
Remus spluttered. “No I erm…”
“Joking, mate. Honestly. The place was a right pile of shit. All these fucking aristocratic wankers
thinking their money made them better people. If it hadn’t been for Jamie, I think I’d have gone
completely mad and done something really extreme like…set fireworks off in the headmaster’s
office which triggered a domino effect of explosives and levelled the castle to rubble.”
“Christ,” Remus muttered, but he was smiling. “Thank god you didn’t need to be dramatic, then.”
“Well, I vented out my penchant for destruction and dramatics in small doses. Like slipping food
colouring into the students body wash so they came out all blues and purples. Or letting loose
sacks of mice in the classrooms. You know, easy stuff.”
“Easy stuff,” Remus repeated with a small laugh. “I’d have paid to see that. Or erm…shit.” He
blushed hard as Sirius laughed.
“S’alright, mate. You’re allowed to say the S word.” Just then, there was a second knock on the
door and Sirius’ face brightened. “Pizza! Thank god, I’m bloody starved. I’m practically wasting
away.”
Remus rolled his eyes as he went back to tightening the pipe as best he could. He’d have to ask
the lads not to use the sink until the part came in, but he reckoned it would hold at least a few
days. Standing up, he brushed his hands down on his trousers and came round the corner just as
Sirius was reaching for money to pay.
The pizza person hadn’t seen Remus, but was giving Sirius a curious look when he handed over a
tenner. Taking it, the kid inspected it and then said, “Mate, you gave me a fiver.”
“Bloody…are you joking?”
“No. I’m er…”
“Bloody fucking James,” Sirius muttered as he reached for bits of cash that were folded in
different ways.
Remus realised what was happening, and felt something angry bubbling in his gut. “Oh fuck off,
you gave him a tenner.”
Sirius’ head snapped up. “I what?”
The pizza kid shook his head, looking horrified that Remus was there. “Ah come on, I was just
having a laugh.”
“You were robbing him,” Remus accused.
“Robbing him?” The kid turned narrow, vicious eyes on Remus. “And what would you know
you fucking—”
Remus took the initiative and slammed the door in the kid’s face before a slur rolled from his
tongue. He was having an alright time with Sirius and didn’t want the entire afternoon destroyed
by some arse. Sirius looked a bit startled by the exchange as he turned toward Remus.
“Er. Thanks.”
Remus shook his head. “I can’t believe that. You should report him.”
“Happens more than you’d think,” Sirius said. “I mean, I can see some, and I’d have been able to
tell if I was really looking but it’s just easier. James usually sorts out my cash, you know? And
mostly I use my card but…”
“It’s fucking rubbish,” Remus spat.
Sirius chanced a small smile. “Well, at least you caught him, yeah?”
Remus was about to continue on his rant, on the verge of demanding to know why Sirius just let it
go, when he realised he’d done the same thing over and over. When people in public misgendered
him, when servers refused to use corrected pronouns. When new friends came round and asked
invasive questions about what he had under his pants and acting like they had the right to know
his dead name.
When those things happened, most of the time, Remus was just too bloody tired to fight them. Not
always. Sometimes he was righteous and angry, and took a stand for himself. But other times he’d
been out and about and had it levelled at him all sodding day and at the end of it, he just wanted a
little bit of peace.
Bit like Sirius now with the pizza.
“Are you alright?” Remus finally asked, instead of getting angry.
Sirius, who was now at the table opening up the lid to the pizza box, turned his head toward
Remus. “Sure, mate. Why?”
“Just checking.”
Sirius seemed to contemplate this, then beckoned Remus over with a head nod. “Look, I know we
don’t pay you, but you did good work today. So how about have some pizza with me and we can
sit on my very comfy sofa and get to know each other.”
Remus felt his face heat up because one, Sirius was extremely good looking, and two invites like
this for Remus were fairly rare. “Er well…”
“Come on. We’re neighbours, and I like you. You’re a good sort. And it would make me feel less
of a complete berk who sits on his sofa all day eating pizza whilst other good lads like you and
Jamie are out working and being productive members of society.”
Remus laughed, unable to help himself, and shrugged. “Alright. I guess I can have a bit.”
“Good. Go grab some plates from the cabinet by the fridge so we’ll be a little less slobbish
bachelors. Er… are you, by the way? A bachelor?”
“Depends on what you mean by bachelor?”
“Well, like me. Uni student, single, some idea of what you want to do in life and yet finding
yourself often sat with Netflix and pizza and beer and thinking, it’s pathetic, but I could totally live
like this for the rest of my life.”
Remus laughed louder this time, shaking his head. “In that case, yeah. I’m absolutely a bachelor.”
“Good company, then. Come on, we’ll be lazy sods and not tell our flatmates about it at all.”
Sirius took the pizza to the lounge, and Remus followed with the plates. They sat with a cushion
between them and quickly tucked in.
“This pizza is shit,” Sirius said after a few bites. “I should have vetted a few places before we
moved.”
“Oh I’ve got loads of take away menus. Er…if you can…fuck. I feel like I’m being completely
rude,” Remus admitted with a blush.
Sirius laughed. “No it’s fine. James can see just fine, but I’m more of the foodie arsehole in the
house. He’ll eat nearly anything you stick in front of his face. I’m fussy.”
Remus smiled a little. “Well in that case, maybe next time Pete and I order something, I’ll invite
you and James. You know, so you can sample before you commit.”
“Good man. Remus, I like you.”
Remus flushed. “Yeah you did say that already.”
“Well it bears repeating.” Sirius finished off his self-described shitty pizza, then set his plate on the
table and leant back, arms resting behind his head. “So tell me about yourself. Student, right?”
“Yes.” Remus set his plate aside and tried to get comfortable. “I’m studying history, hoping to
finish my master’s this year. I’ve got just one more term of lectures before I have to get going on
my dissertation.”
“Ah, I’ve heard those are murder. And definitely not for me.”
“Not a fan of writing?” Remus asked.
Sirius snorted. “Not as such. I prefer taking things apart and putting them back together. James
and I are in engineering. We’re working on a new prototype white cane.”
Remus’ eyebrows flew up. “Prototype?”
“Well it’s kind of a big secret so if you tell anyone what I’ve said, I will have to break into your
flat and kill you in the middle of the night.”
“That sounds needlessly complicated when you could just invite me for tea and slip cyanide in it.”
Sirius’ grin widened. “Clever man. You keep surprising me, Remus.” He reached out, his hand
groping a bit til he round Remus’ shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Anyway, so we’re working on
a sort of connected white cane. Like something that connects to mobile apps. You’d have it in
your ear, like a Bluetooth or earbud. It could tell you where you were, log into GPS, do object
identification.”
Remus’ eyes went wide. “Are there apps that do that?”
“There’s a few. iPhone has a great deal, you know. It can sort out money or signs, walking GPS.
Even has a braille function for texting, though honestly the voice works better because it lets you
type the braille but you can’t read it so…bit pointless. But having something with mobility, you
know, really would make my life easier. And really if my project is a bit self-serving, I doubt
anyone would complain.”
Remus laughed. “Course not. And that sounds bloody brilliant.”
“Yeah, it is rather. I mean, I’m very clever.”
“And so modest.”
Sirius waved his hand. “Modest, what’s the point in that? I know I’m extremely good looking,
even if I’ve never seen it. I mean, I know not every stranger is taking the piss.”
“No, you are,” Remus blurted, then blushed and looked away. “I mean, well…”
“Thank you.” When Remus looked back, Sirius was wearing a very wolfish grin. “So there’s that.
Any deep dark secrets? Are you a spy at all? Are you one of those underground foreign spies
who’ve mastered English but that’s why your accent is wonky?”
Remus felt his stomach sink at the word deep dark secret. And it’s not that being trans was a
secret, he was open about it. But there was that fear the comfortable relationship he was building
with Sirius would be suddenly destroyed. That he’d get weird and uncomfortable and eventually
there’d be nothing more than passing hellos in the corridors, only to make Sirius feel better about
himself and allow him the opportunity to say he wasn’t bigot.
“Er. Not a spy. I’m actually really clumsy, so I think I’d be really shit at it.”
“Plus you’re a bit of an open book. I could read you right from the off.” When Remus went silent
again, Sirius laughed. “And your sense of humour is shit, and I think those are required with
spying.”
“Are they?” Remus asked quietly.
“Well don’t ask me. They don’t hire blind lads. I checked.”
Remus couldn’t help his laugh again. “Fair enough. So I reckon you’re not one.”
“Nah. Fallen aristocrat. Got kicked out at sixteen for having the nerve to be both blind and gay.
What a scandal, right? My mum’s the Thai ambassador and my dad's got a few drops of royal
blood in him, though part of me thinks it’s an old family legend or something by this point. But I
grew up very spoilt and rich, though they never really liked me. I’ve one brother who’s not so bad
himself. He’s an artist, currently off in Spain somewhere, I think. Or Rome. I can’t remember.
He’s the favoured son, but they couldn’t help it. I’m better looking, but he’s adorable. Oh and
we’re all named after stars.”
Remus took all that in, smiling just a little. “Wow. That’s…quite a life story.”
“Indeed. There’s more dreadful things in there, but you’ll have to get me pissed for those details.”
Remus shook his head. “I think I’ll pass. Doesn’t seem entirely fair to take advantage.”
“Clever and integrity. Hmm. Not sure what to think of you yet, Remus.”
“Well,” he said slowly, and decided he might as well get on with it now. Why drag it out? “I
already told you about Wales and Scotland. My parents are alright, mostly. I met Peter at school
and he erm…” Remus took a breath. “He was the first person I came out to as trans.”
There was a pregnant pause. “That explains the pronoun question.”
“Er?”
Sirius smiled. “Well you know, most people don’t ask. They should, but they don’t. It’s always
the people who have to live it.”
“Right,” Remus said with a breath. “Well. My parents took it mostly okay. Mum had issues at the
start, but now she’s just…mum. You know how they are. Or well…shit. Sorry.”
Sirius shook his head, still smiling. “James’ parents took me in and his mum is great. I mean, she’s
convinced if we’re left on our own for longer than ten minutes we’ll starve or burn the house
down or something but…I know what you mean.”
“Okay,” Remus said, breathing a little easier. “Erm…again I’m getting a degree in history. I’d
love to work in a museum, though I’ll probably get stuck teaching which I think I’d hate. I work
three jobs, library, café, and this.”
“This?”
“Fixing new tenants broken sinks,” Remus said with a smile.
“Ah.” Sirius snorted a laugh. “Though I bet none of them invited you for pizza and revealing
“Ah.” Sirius snorted a laugh. “Though I bet none of them invited you for pizza and revealing
conversations.”
“Well…erm. No. Though a couple of old ladies kept trying to take me to church so they could
save my soul.”
“Road to hell, good intentions…something like that?” Sirius offered.
“Something like that. Anyway. Er… I’m single, boring, gay, I have an abnormal love of jumpers
and herbal tea. I grew up vegan, but when I was sixteen I tried cheese for the first time, and I
haven’t gone back since. And well…I think that’s it for me.”
Sirius was silent for a moment, then grinned wildly. “You know, I’m glad our sink broke, Remus.
I think this could be the start to something good. And I can’t wait for you to meet James.”
Chapter 2
Chapter Notes
Okay couple of quick notes-- I'm taking what Sirius has to deal with from his ex's
from experience from blind people I know. You'd be surprised at how dreadful
sighted people can be when they think they're being "funny." Just an FYI, it's never
ever funny to hide things or use a fake voice with blind people. It just isn't.
Second- I am a cis person so I'm taking the experiences of Remus from a few trans
friends I have who have talked to me about their experiences with dating cis people.
I'm trying really hard to represent the situation as authentically as I can. If
ANYTHING is wrong with what I've said, please immediately tell me so I can fix it.
I'm also working hard on not making Remus' character tragic because he's trans. I
don't want this to be the cis-saviour complex where Remus doesn't feel validated in
his gender until a cis person tells him he is. In this story, Remus is wary of dating cis
people, but absolutely accepts himself for who he is and makes no apologies.
Crash!
“Buggering fuck!” Sirius found himself on all fours with stinging palms as he attempted to accost
his flatmate in his bed. He hadn’t bothered to ask the night before if James had finally sorted out
his bedroom—which apparently he hadn’t by the small stack of boxes Sirius tripped over.
The crash woke the other man, who sat up with a frown, having been used to Sirius banging
about his bedroom at all hours of the day or night after knowing him this many years. “What are
you doing?”
With a grumble, Sirius climbed to his feet. “Please tell me there’s some path to your bed that’s not
going to get me killed.”
“Half a step to your right, fucking git,” James grumbled. “Then straight on. And what are you
doing, exactly?”
Sirius took half a step, stuck his foot out and swept it, then marched forward until his knee
touched the bed. With a grin, he pounced, landing on James, straddling either side of his thighs.
“I’m pouncing on you to wake you up because it’s the third Wednesday, you fucking tosser.”
James groaned, falling back against the pillow, but he had a slight grin playing at his lips. “Fuck, I
forgot. Bollywood night?”
“Yes,” Sirius said with glee as he rolled off to the side of James. “I don’t care that we’ve just
moved. We are not breaking tradition and risking ten years of bad luck.”
“There’s no such thing as…”
“Your dad,” Sirius said, poking James in the side, “is the one who told me about the curse.”
“My dad,” James said, poking Sirius back and making him yelp as he was much more ticklish
there, “will say anything to anyone in order to make them watch his old films.”
Sirius was fourteen when he discovered James’ dad had spent his youth as a Bollywood actor, and
he’d never been more gleeful about anything in his entire life. When he moved in with the Potters
a few years later, Fleamont Potter—the name a gift from Fleamont’s British father—showed Sirius
all the films, and even taught him most of the songs and dance moves.
Then he told the boys that every third Wednesday of the month was Bollywood night, which
meant picking at least two films, stuffing their faces with food, and singing along. Otherwise it
would bestow a ten years curse on the house.
“I’ll not have a plague upon my new house, Potter,” Sirius declared.
James rolled his eyes, but reached over and pulled Sirius in for a snuggle. “Fine, but I’m not
getting up yet. We don’t have to be over to the lab until noon. I do not appreciate being woken
up.”
“Yeah well, I’ve no desire to break my neck trying to navigate my way out of this minefield you
call a room. I mean really, how hard is it to sort things out so I don’t die.”
“Maybe,” James said, burrowing his face in Sirius’ shoulder, “I did it so you couldn’t pounce me
in my sleep.”
“Fucking wanker,” Sirius said fondly, but his excitement faded into a dull, sleepy pull, and his
eyes were closing.
***
A few hours later, Sirius woke as James was rummaging about the room. “What are you doing?”
“Moving everything out of your way. The boxes are against the wall now. Set-up’s just like the
last room. I’m going to have a shower, then I thought we’d try the new app. There’s a café just up
the street which would save us both time when I’ve work and you’re being a whinging baby
about caffeine.”
Sirius ignored the insult as he got up, easing himself to the floor. “Excellent. Also I think we
should invite the neighbours tonight. They seem like decent sorts.”
“I thought you only met the one,” James said as he pulled jeans and a jumper from his wardrobe.
“Well I did, but if he’s decent, his flatmate probably is.”
“Or you just want to chat him up a little more,” James said.
“Oh fuck off,” Sirius said, but it was a little bit true. Sirius spent the entire evening after Remus
left telling James about how great the handyman was. And his adorable accent, and funny
humour, and the way he’d daringly rescued him from the thieving pizza delivery person.
That last bit had sent James into a rage, and Sirius had to physically stop him from going down
there himself to beat the shit out of the person who tried to take advantage of Sirius.
“Their pizza was shit anyway,” Sirius declared. “It’s not like we’re going back, and Remus
stopped him.”
“Well I reckon we owe him anyway. D’you wanna stop over there and see if they’ve got some
good takeaway menus?”
“Yeah, alright.” Sirius ran his fingers through his hair, not bothered by his pyjamas, and moved
past James. Trailing his hand down the wall, he headed for the lounge and the front door. He
considered taking his cane, but instead just strolled across until his hand met the wall. Trailing it
along the side, he eventually reached the door, fingers tracing the letter in the centre to verify
before he knocked.
A moment passed before it opened, but no one said anything.
“Er,” Sirius said. “I’m from across the hall.” He cocked his head toward his own door.
“Oh right!” The voice definitely did not belong to Remus, so it had to be the flatmate.
Sirius stuck his hand out. “I’m Sirius, and my flatmate’s James.”
After a pause, a hand took his hand shook it a few times. “I’m Peter. Moony mentioned you
yesterday.”
Sirius froze. “…Moony?”
“Ah. Fuck. I mean Remus. How much will I have to bribe you to never call him that?” Peter
sounded half-panicked, and Sirius got a wicked grin.
“Ah mate, you could never afford me. What you can do, though, is bang me some take-away
menus. Moony said you had some decent ones.”
He could hear Peter swearing as he stepped away from the door, and returned a moment later with
a stack of them. “He’s going to murder me, you know.”
Sirius held out his hand, and grinned when Peter passed them over. “I promise your eulogy will be
a beautiful one, Peter. I’ve only known you for about eighteen seconds, but they’ve been a very
pleasant eighteen seconds.”
There was a snicker from Peter’s end. “Well it’s good to meet you. Remus spoke highly.”
“Did he now?” Sirius grinned wolfishly. “That’s good, because James and I wanted to invite you
over for Bollywood night tonight.”
“Er?”
“We sit round and watch his dad’s old Bollywood films and get a bit pissed and eat loads of take
away. It’s really fun. Every third Wednesday of the month.”
“Well my girlfriend’s coming over tonight…”
“Excellent. Bring her along. James’ one will be there as well. Is Moony home, by chance?”
“Work,” Peter said. “But I’ll text him and let him know we now have plans for the night.”
Sirius’ grin widened. “Excellent, good man, Peter. Come by round half six, alright?”
“We’ll be there. Good to meet you.”
Sirius turned, carefully walking back to his flat, and banged the menus down on the table. He
could hear James filling the kettle, so he dropped into a chair. “I thought we were getting coffee.”
“Oh bugger, I forgot. Those the menus?” James walked over, snatching a few up from the pile
and he flipped through them. “What d’you reckon? We can’t make mum’s curry until the
kitchen’s sorted so…”
“We are not having Indian take-away,” Sirius warned. “She’d know, then she’d murder us.”
James huffed. “Well…no white people food. If dad found out we ate white people food on
Bollywood night, he’d murder us.”
“Chinese?” Sirius offered.
“Oh there’s Moroccan,” James said. “It looks good.”
“Yeah, alright. I think Moony mentioned something about being vegan or vegetarian. Though he
ate cheese so…”
“Moony?” James asked, sounding dubious.
Remus snickered. “Neighbour let his nickname slip. It’s cute. Like him.”
“Don’t get too excited, Pads,” James warned as he took a seat. “The last thing we need is some
relationship tragedy to fuck with getting on with both neighbour and handyman.”
“Why do you think so low of me, Prongs? Why?” Sirius shoved himself up from the chair. “I’m a
decent bloke. Good looking, a real delight to be around.”
“And so very humble,” James muttered.
“Fuck you.” Sirius grinned as he moved toward his bedroom. “Sort out the pedometer, will you. I
reckon we can get at least the step count into the app, then we can work on the photo recognition
next week. There’s still that funny bug which keeps getting road signs and store signs mixed up.”
James groaned, but nodded as he rose. “Yeah, alright. We’ll have time to work on the code later
today, I think.”
Sirius hummed to himself as he went into his bedroom and rummaged about his wardrobe.
Everything was fairly simple. He had mostly dark, earth tones, jeans, a few pair of nicer trousers
when they had to do business meetings, but he was a casual sort. He found a comfortable t-shirt,
holding it close to his nose to get a good look at the colour. He slipped it on, then wriggled into his
jeans, boots, and ran his fingers through his hair once more.
Grabbing his travelling cane from the place on his desk, he picked up his pack with his laptop, and
headed for the lounge where James was waiting.
“You want to start here?” James asked. “Or should we start from the street?”
“Reckon the street,” Sirius said as he hitched both straps of his pack over his shoulders. “We’ll do
the leg pedometer now, then work on the one for the cane when we sort out the photo
recognition.”
The pair headed down for the street, stopping just in front of the building whilst Sirius tied the
pedometer to the side of his boot. Flicking out his cane, he took James’ arm and they started in the
direction of the café.
“So did the neighbour say he’d come by tonight?” James asked a few moments later.
Sirius nodded, stepping round a small bin his cane smacked into. “Yeah. He’s bringing his
girlfriend as well.”
“The handyman has a girlfriend?” James asked. “Bad luck, mate.”
“No you absolute twat. The flatmate does. I already confirmed Moony and I are the token
bachelors of the flats. We’ll be obnoxious third wheels to you lot.”
James snorted. “As though you don’t get more attention from me than Lily does.”
“Well,” Sirius said, lifting his face and sniffing indignantly, “I’m needy.”
“Clearly. I’m looking forward to meeting this Remus.”
“Moony,” Sirius corrected.
“Maybe you should ask him about that first,” James pointed out.
Sirius grinned instead of answering. The café was just a short walk, and when James stopped,
Sirius put out his foot. “Upload it to your mobile. I don’t have my app open.”
James plucked it from Sirius’ boot, careful not to add any more steps. Popping open the port, he
connected it to his mobile and pushed the button for it to upload the data. The mobile dinged, then
he pressed it into Sirius’ hand. “You want to add steps inside the café as well?”
“Nah,” Sirius said. “S’not big, is it?”
James peered in the window. “No, and good set up. No funny little displays that always knock
you on your arse.”
Sirius pulled a face, but pulled his cane close to him as James took them in the door and to the
queue. He leant his head in to give Sirius the lay out of the café. “There’s about six tables all to the
left, all against the window. The counter’s straight ahead from the door. You counting steps?”
“At four so far,” Sirius said.
“There’s a pastry window, with scones and shit. Their menu is chalkboard, so it probably
changes. Looks like what they have is standard café stuff.”
“Excellent. How many employees.”
“Two, it looks like.” James’ eyes darted round. “Probably one baking in the back. One right
now’s at the till.”
Sirius grinned until he heard a familiar voice call out. “Oh my god, Sirius.”
***
Remus woke early, knowing he had a long shift at the café before his lectures. He’d stayed over at
the new neighbours rather late, until he got a text from the upstairs lady who was fussing about her
shower. The pressure wasn’t good enough, and in spite of Remus telling her it was the best she
was going to get, she insisted he try and sort it out. Again. For the ninth time that month. And it
was only the seventh of December.
He’d had a really good time talking with Sirius, and though he was hoping it wouldn’t happen, he
felt the tell-tale stirrings of a crush developing in his gut.
Sirius was…well he was something, that was for sure. Witty and a bit self-absorbed, but Remus
had a feeling that was to cover up an insecurity created by his shit family. Remus understood it,
half his confidence was just a shield against the world which constantly wanted to invalidate who
he was as a person. He reckoned being trans and being disabled wasn’t the same thing, but it did
mean Sirius would understand things the way most people couldn’t.
After sorting out upstairs’ shower, Remus went back to his flat, though contemplated inviting
Sirius over for tea. Instead he went in and found Pete at his laptop working on an essay.
“Alright, Moony?”
Remus scowled at the old nickname. One of his younger cousins had given it to him when she
was a toddler and Peter had overheard it one Seder when he’d been invited to the Lupin’s. It had
stuck, and he’d not been able to shake it, even after the threat and bestowing Wormtail on him. In
fact, Peter so embraced the name, he’d changed all his emails and screennames to it.
“Just upstairs again.”
“With the shower?” Peter asked, pulling a face.
Remus sighed, toeing off his shoes and collapsing on the sofa. “Met the new neighbours though.”
“The ones across the hall? How are they?”
“Well I met one of them, decent bloke. Their sink’s got a leak so I had to order a part for it. We
hung out and had pizza after.”
Peter’s eyes snapped over. “Pizza? You had a pizza date with the bloke across the hall? Oh my
god, is he fit? Are you dating now?”
“Christ,” Remus muttered, rubbing his face. “It wasn’t date, first of all, and second…” He took a
breath. “Yes, he’s really fucking fit. He’s bloody gorgeous. Like…if he hadn’t told me he’s in
engineering, I’d assume he was a model.”
“Nice,” Peter said, waggling his brows.
“He’s erm…blind as well.”
Peter blinked. “Blind? Like guide dog and shit blind?”
“Well he’s not got a dog. Or if he has, I didn’t see it. He uses a cane though. He and his flatmate
are working on some sort of adaptive technology. He’s smart.”
“And?” Peter pressed.
“And what?” Remus asked, a touch of annoyance in his voice.
“You going to go for it?” Peter wagged his eyebrows. “Come on, it’s been ages since you’ve
dated anyone.”
Remus flopped his head back on the sofa cushion and pinched his eyes shut with thumb and
forefinger. “There’s a reason for that. And…well he’s cis. And gay.”
Peter turned in his chair, giving Remus a long look. “They’re not all going to be…”
“No,” Remus said swiftly, looking up. “They’re not all going to be put off by the fact that I don’t
have a cock, but a lot of them are. D’you have any idea what it’s like to listen to gay blokes go on
and on about how ‘disgusting vaginas are,’ and how much they love cock and…”
“I know,” Peter said quietly. “I do. I’ve been your mate for a long damn time now, Moony. And
I’m not saying he won’t be a transphobic piece of shit, but eventually when you tell him…”
“He knows,” Remus interrupted. “I erm, well I told him yesterday.”
“And?” Peter asked.
“And he seemed alright with it. Didn’t…didn’t ask anything rude, didn’t seem put off. But he’s an
alright bloke and I’d rather not cock it all up with dating.”
Peter scoffed, turning back to his laptop. “I’m not going to push you, but you deserve to be happy,
Remus. And loved in your own bloody skin.”
Remus felt a small wash of affection for his longest friend, but it was hard to explain to a cis,
straight man the absolute pile of shit dating was when you were trans. Being gay and trans was
just another tick on the column of everything mostly fucking sucks, because most of the world
fucking sucked. But Sirius seemed like a good bloke and if friendship was what he got out of it,
he’d be alright with it. The crush would go away—they always did eventually.
So he headed off to bed, trying his damndest not to think of the ridiculously good looking man
across the hall.
And now he stood at the counter in the café he worked at, grateful he was there with Mary instead
of Snape. Their other co-worker had taken an immediate dislike to Remus. He othered him
instantly, refusing to call him by his proper name—going with Lupin since Remus had refused to
give up his dead name. Snape avoided pronouns like the plague, and was constantly going on
about people who were “not natural”. Everyone thought Snape was a right git, which helped
Remus as he had support, but it didn’t working with him any easier.
Today though, seemed alright. The customers had all seemed in decent moods, the espresso
machine hadn’t broken down once, and each latte he poured had a delicious caramel foam to it
which made him feel like he could do at least one thing right.
Then, just before half eleven, the door opened and Remus’ eyes shot wide open. On the arm of a
tall Indian bloke with wild hair and glasses, was Sirius. He was grinning, chatting quietly to the
bespectacled man. He had his white cane with him, and they queued up behind the two customers
waiting.
Remus felt his heart hammering at the sight of Sirius’ wide, sunny smile, and hated how he’d
known him for a single afternoon and yet wanted more. He usually kept his fancies quiet, tucked
deep in his belly where no one could get to them to avoid the inevitable sting of rejection.
But this one was clamouring to the surface, using claws and teeth.
His feelings betrayed him when the pair approached the counter and Remus immediately said,
“Oh my god, Sirius.”
Sirius immediately brightened and splayed his hand out on the counter, leaning forward. “Oh I
know that adorable, secret spy accent anywhere! Jamie, it’s Moony!”
Remus blinked, then coughed. “How the hell…”
“Oh your flatmate sold you out for fuck-all more than an invite to tea,” Sirius crowed with a grin.
“It’s adorable, you know. Moony. I’m keeping it forever.”
“Fuck me,” Remus breathed.
Sirius grinned wider. “And this is James, my delightful other half. James, our neighbour.”
James stuck out his hand, smiling in an almost apologetic way. “It’s nice to meet you, Remus.
This idiot wouldn’t stop talking about you all bloody night. Singing your praises to the heavens.”
Remus felt his cheeks go hot. “Oh er…dunno why since I did fuck-all to the sink besides forbid
you from using it until the part comes in.”
“I think he’s talking about the pizza incident,” Sirius said.
“Oh.” Remus shuffled his feet. “Well it was…bit fucked up, wasn’t it?”
“A bit?” James huffed. “I’ve still half a mind to go down there and punch that fucking tosser in the
mouth.”
Remus smiled just a little. “Well he was horribly embarrassed at the very least.”
“Isn’t he a treasure?” Sirius cooed. “Remus, I can’t believe you work here. We were just mapping
this place on the app so I can find my way before my lectures. I’m so excited now knowing
someone I trust is going to make my coffee and not completely fuck it up.”
“Well you haven’t even tried my coffees,” Remus warned. “Though I’m actually alright at it.”
Sirius laughed. “If it’s shit, you can make it up to me tonight.”
Remus lifted a brow. “Tonight?”
“Your flatmate said he’d be texting? About Bollywood night?”
Remus shook his head. “Er, not so far, but Pete can be a little forgetful.”
James cut in. “Every third Wednesday we order take-away and watch old Bollywood films.”
“Not just old films,” Sirius said with a grin. “His dad’s. He was a film star in India before he came
to the UK. Trust me, they’re fucking delightful. You’re going to love it. Pete said he’s coming
with his girlfriend, so I thought you and I could take up our official bachelor status and be
obnoxious third wheels. Jamie’s girlfriend will be there too. And you will love her.”
Remus felt his blush increase, but realised he could not bring himself to say no to this man. “Yeah,
alright. I think that’s fine. I’ve got a few things to sort out but count me in.”
“There’s a lad,” James said with a wide grin.
Remus realised a few people had queued up, and he cleared his throat. “I’d better get your coffees
before someone complains and I get sacked.”
The pair ordered, both salted caramel lattes which Remus took extra care with, and then gave
them both a discount, and sent them on their way with a promise to see them that night. He hated
the fact that a bubble of anticipation had settled in his gut at the thought of spending more time
with Sirius, but he couldn’t help it. He was so damned fit, and his mood was infectious. He could
only hope the crush passed quickly so he could enjoy being friends with the boisterous
engineering genius.
***
“Come on, Lils. Be game! It’s this or I’m going to shave my head, I swear to god.”
Lily rolled her eyes as she sat on the sofa behind Sirius who had his legs stretched out under their
low table. “You are such a fucking drama…”
“Don’t,” Sirius warned. “Do not insult me tonight. I’m really excited about these neighbours and I
want to look nice.”
“You’re really excited about Remus, you mean,” James cut in, spreading the food out on the table.
Sirius huffed as he wriggled back between her legs. “A really nice French plait, please.”
“Well…because you said please,” Lily acquiesced. She began to run her fingers back through his
hair, then started at the top, twisting the pieces one by one into the plait. “So this Remus…”
“Oh don’t you start now,” Sirius whinged. “He’s just the really nice neighbour who happens to be
extremely adorable.”
“Good looking?” Lily wondered.
“You’re asking me?”
Lily smacked on him the shoulder. “Of course I’m not asking you.”
James turned with a laugh. “He is a bit. Tall, fit, curly hair…”
“Oh I love curly hair,” Sirius breathed.
Lily grabbed his head, forcing it straight so she could finish the plait. “Does he fancy you back?”
“Well he’s a bit reserved, and we’ve only just met,” Sirius said, leaning back as she put the tie on
the end. His hands went up, feeling along to make sure there were no lumps, and he gave a
satisfied hum. “Excellent, thank you my love.”
Lily pressed a kiss to his cheek as she shifted over onto her side of the sofa. “Well I hope it works
out. It’s been ages since you’ve dated anyone.”
“With good reason,” Sirius said as James put a beer down in front of him. His hand reached out,
creeping across the top of the table until it curled round the glass bottle. “Last bloke I dated
thought it was hilarious to hide my cane and ask me where it was. Or throw his voice when he’d
meet me at the pub and make me think some fucking creep was trying to grab me. Or the hilarious
time when he pretended I was about to walk into a bin, and I ended up stumbling into the street.”
Lily’s face went dark. “Yes well, we always thought he was a right fucking…”
A knock interrupted the start of her rant, and James jumped up. “I’ve got it.”
Sirius sat on the edge of anticipation as James answered the knock and let everyone in. “We just
got food, you’re just in time.”
They all made their introductions, Peter introducing his girlfriend Dori, and Lily standing up to
greet the guests. Sirius remained in his spot, giving everyone his favourite smile, which widened
when someone took a seat on the sofa very close to his shoulder.
“Alright, Sirius?”
He preened inside. “Yeah. You, Moony?”
Remus groaned. “What could I give you to make you stop calling me that?”
Sirius felt a lewd comment dance on his tongue, but instead leant back a little. “I’ll think about it.
How about I trade you mine for yours? Jamie called me Padfoot all through school. He’ll still call
me Pads every so often. And he’s Prongs.”
Remus chuckled. “Do I want to know?”
“Er, likely not,” Sirius said as he nudged Remus’ calf with his elbow. “Thanks for the brilliant
coffee, by the way. Renaissance man, you are.”
Remus snorted. “It doesn’t take a lot of skill to foam milk and push a button on a machine, trust
me.”
“So says you. I bet I’d be complete shit at it. I’m lucky I can work our kettle.”
Remus scoffed a little, nudging Sirius back. “So says the engineering genius who, I quote, likes to
take things apart and put them together again.”
“Electronic things, and computer programmes. Not…sinks and other stuff.”
As the banter continued, Peter and James brought over food for their mates, neither of them saying
much about the conversation the two men were having in their own little world. It only stopped
when James began to introduce their Bollywood night.
“Alright, well…dunno if you’ve ever watched one of these Indian films. They’re super camp, but
in the best way.”
“And they’ve got the best dance moves,” Sirius said.
“You’ll recognise my dad the second you see him. He’s absurdly proud of his career, you know.
He was inconsolable when he had to retire.”
Sirius snorted a laugh. “As though you remember. That was before you were born.”
“Yes well, I heard about it my entire life,” James grumbled.
“You have to warn them, Jamie,” Sirius said quickly. “About the curse.”
“Curse?” Remus asked, sounding a bit sceptical.
“If you start our tradition and you fail to turn up for even a single Bollywood night,” Sirius
warned, his tone grave, “you’ll have ten years of bad luck.”
Remus snickered. “Ten years, is it?”
“It’s true. His dad’s the one who came up with the curse.”
“Have you tested it?” Remus challenged.
“No! You think I’m mad?” Sirius crowed.
“I think you might be a little daft.”
Sirius humphed, leaning into Remus’ leg. “Well you go on and test the curse, but you leave me
right out of it.”
Being that Sirius couldn’t see, and that Remus’ attention was fixated on the dramatic man on the
floor, they missed the looks the two couples exchanged before James started the films.
***
Remus hated what a good time he was having, only because Sirius had eventually abandoned his
position on the floor and had come up to squeeze between him and Peter who was cuddled on the
third cushion with Dori.
Not that Remus really minded having Sirius next to him. That bloody close. It just wasn’t doing
his crush any favours at all. He felt a warmth bubbling in his gut every time Sirius laughed, or
sang along, or did some of the dance moves.
Once or twice Sirius and James jumped up to show their skills, and watching Sirius hop and turn,
and twist his fingers and arms, it sent Remus’ head spinning. He didn’t want to think of the
maybe’s though. Or the might be’s. Or how Sirius seemed to be sitting very close, and being a
little more handsy than he was with anyone else.
Or that eventually Dori and Pete went back to the flat and James and Lily went off to bed, an
Sirius and Remus remained sat on the sofa talking quietly about everything and nothing at all.
“…so we may be getting a grant, and I’m fucking too excited because nothing like this has
existed, you know. Technology has never been this bloody advanced and knowing that I’m able
to live my life as I am and prove my shithead parents wrong that I don't need surgery and sight to
live a fucking normal life…well if I can do that, I can die happy.”
Remus tried not to think about how there was an entire sofa open, and yet they were still mashed
together thigh to thigh. “I think it’s damn great, Sirius. Really. There are too many people who
want to dictate how others live.”
“No I know,” Sirius said, putting his hand on Remus’ thigh. He snatched it back after a second.
“Shit. You know what, I keep doing that and I’m sorry. I should have asked.”
“Er…?”
“Grabbing you. I…I mean it’s kind of a thing, necessary thing a lot, but I should have asked.”
“No,” Remus said, his voice more breathy than he wanted it to be. “No really, it’s fine. It doesn’t
bother me.”
He was rewarded with another one of Sirius’ sunny grins. “Excellent.” His hand returned to the
place on Remus’ leg. “But I know you get it. I’m sure you’ve had those fucking barmy old
women saying, ‘You know what, can we just pray for you?’ Whilst you’re minding your own
fucking business trying to have a coffee.”
Remus choked a little. “That’s happened to you?”
Sirius grimaced. “Yes, more than once. I’m so sorry you’ve lost your sight, we’d love to pray for
you. I mean, who says that?”
Remus sighed. “Well…that’s never happened, but I’ve been told I’m going to hell plenty of times.
Strangers, family, friends. Well, ex friends, if I’m being honest.”
“Fucking good. You don’t need that shit in your life, Remus.”
Remus couldn’t help a small laugh. “Nah. Neither of us do.” He had his beer in his hands, picking
at the label which had started to peel away, and he looked over at Sirius who’d gone quiet. “Have
you told James or Lily about me?”
Sirius shrugged. “Sure. I mean, I had to boast a little about our awesome pizza afternoon. James
really isn’t over that bit with the tenner. But I think you’ve endeared yourself to him for life.
You’re not worried, are you? James gets on with literally everyone and…”
“I mean about what I told you. That I’m trans?”
Sirius’ eyebrows shot up. “Oh. Well, no. Reckoned you’d do that in your own time. Or never. Or
whatever. Why, did you want me to?”
Remus wasn’t sure how that made him feel. That it mattered so little Sirius didn’t think of it? Or
was he trying to be the ‘good friend’. Remus realised how bitter he sounded to himself, but Sirius
seemed so damn genuine and against his will, he was getting his hopes up. “No I… it’s just
something people discuss.”
He took a breath and sighed. “Remus I’m really sorry, I should know more about this, you know?
But I spend more time tinkering round on computer code than reading about socially conscious
and I feel like a right twat. Have I done something wrong?”
Remus bit his cheek, shaking his head and forced himself to remember Sirius couldn’t see that
gesture. “No I…you haven’t done anything. You’ve been really great. Gay men tend to get really
caught up in the…physical aspects of other trans men. What we have…what we don’t.”
Sirius pursed his lips. “Right. Got it. Well I’m not fussed about it. I like you. I’m really excited
we’re neighbours because I don’t usually get on with people. They can be…rude. Invasive. But
you came over and sorted out the sink—a bit, and had pizza with me and told off a fuckwit who
tried to take my money, then you made me a damn good coffee and you listened to me talk for a
fucking hour about my project that you know nothing about and well…that’s rare.”
Remus let out a small laugh and wanted to hug him. Or something. He settled for putting his hand
over Sirius’ and squeezing it. “I could say the same for you. I’m really pleased you moved in.
More than I can say.”
“Well excellent,” Sirius replied, turning his hand to squeeze Remus’ back. “I think we’re in good
company then.”
***
The following week, Remus was sat on his sofa with his laptop when there was a pounding on the
door. Getting up, he wandered over, his socked feet shuffling, jumper sleeves hanging over his
hands, and he wrenched it open.
He shouldn’t have been surprised to see an overly excited Sirius stood there practically bouncing
on his feet, but he was. “Moony, please say it’s you.”
“It’s me,” Remus said, unable to help his smile.
“Thank god. Oh thank god. I need your help like…immediately.”
Remus felt his stomach clench. “With what? Is everything alright?”
“Yes no,” Sirius said with impatience. “I mean, it’s critical, but not…fuck. Jamie’s not home and I
think I got this bit on my app to fucking finally work and I need you to go with me to the café and
help me get some photos taken.”
Remus frowned. “Er. To the café? For photos?”
“It’s…it’s part of my app for photo recognition but I need to test it on the street. Please, I’ll do
anything you ask.”
Remus let out a small breath, feeling a bit tired, but honestly any excuse to spend some time with
Sirius and he’d take it. “Just let me get my shoes, yeah? Come in if you want.” He left the door
wide as Sirius took a tentative step inside. He had his cane with him, held at his side, and he made
the smallest sweeping motions in front of his feet.
“Am I going to fall on anything?”
Remus flushed. “Sorry, er. No there’s nothing…I mean. Nothing on the floor. There’s a table to
your right, and our flat’s like yours, but the mirror, if that makes sense.”
“Perfect sense,” Sirius said with a grin. “Sofa?”
“Under the window. Telly’s mounted on the wall, bookshelf next to it. We’re lacking in pretty
much anything in the realm of furniture or décor.”
Sirius laughed a bit. “Not fussed. Anyway hurry up, I’m really excited to see if this works.”
Motivated by Sirius’ excitement, Remus hurried to shove his feet into his trainers, then grabbed his
coat from the back of a chair. He adjusted his sleeves, then grabbed his beanie and shoved it over
his hair. “Alright, so…what should I do?”
“I’ll be alright til we get to the street,” Sirius said, stepping back into the corridor so Remus could
lock up. “Then I’ll just take your arm, and make sure I don’t like…run off the kerb or smash into
people. Usually they see my cane and stay the hell out of my way. But not all the time.”
Remus felt his nerves fire up a little at the thought of being responsible for that, but also the fact
that Sirius trusted him enough felt really good. So he followed Sirius down to the street and then
let him take his arm.
“Alright?” Remus asked.
“Perfect. Just…toward the café.” Sirius gave his cane a shove forward like he was leading a
charge, then dropped it and let it carefully swish back and forth in front of them. “When we get to
the café, I need to get a photo where the bus stops, and the café entrance sign, and…erm, any
landmarks there might be.”
“Easy enough,” Remus said, and smiled when he felt Sirius’ hand tighten on him.
Luckily the walk was short, so they made it there in just a few minutes. Coming to a stop, Sirius
pulled out his mobile and fumbled with the screen until he had the camera app loaded. “Alright
just…if you don’t mind? Normally Jamie sorts all this out but he’s with Lily having tea with her
parents and probably won’t be back tonight.”
“I really don’t mind,” Remus said quietly as he took the mobile and took several shots. “Will he
go through these later? Sort out the crap from the decent ones?”
Sirius snickered a little. “Yeah. Why, you insecure in your photo abilities?”
“I don’t have the best eye,” Remus muttered as he got the front of the café a few times.
“Well, neither do I.”
Remus froze, then snorted. “Oh my god.”
Sirius shrugged. “You can’t set me up for blind jokes and expect me to let them just pass by,
Moony. I only have so much self control.”
“Christ,” Remus muttered, but he took several shots of the street, the shops surrounding them, and
the signs on the street. “Alright, I think I got what you need.”
“Thank you. You’re a fucking dream, Moony.”
Remus flushed. “Why don’t we pop in and get a coffee for the walk back. I’ll do us a couple of
decaffs.”
“Yeah,” Sirius said with a smile, then took Remus’ arm again.
Walking him to the counter, Remus stepped away. “Hey Mary, mind if I make a couple of
coffees?”
Mary, who’d worked there since forever, shrugged and smiled at the pair of them. “Not at all,
love.”
“Give me a second?” Remus moved round Sirius and went straight to the espresso machine where
he brewed a couple of decaff shots. He steamed the milk, added in a few pumps of caramel since
Sirius had seemed to like it so much, then a sprinkling of salt.
“This the bloke you fancy?” Mary muttered just as Remus was putting lids on the cups.
Remus flushed. “I don’t fancy him.”
“Bollocks. It’s all over your face, Remus. He’s cute.”
“It’s complicated. We’re neighbours,” Remus pressed.
Mary rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say. But he likes you.”
“Fuck off, we’re just friends,” but Remus couldn’t help the way that made his belly light up with
hope.
As he came round the corner, both lattes in his hand, he had eyes on Sirius. Which meant he
wasn’t paying attention to when a second body came round the corner and—deliberately, he was
sure—elbowed the coffees out of his hand. Remus gave a cry, but one landed directly on Sirius’
thighs, the burning hot liquid spilling out.
Remus looked up with murder in his gaze as Snape glowered down at him. “Lupin, might want to
watch where you’re going.”
Sirius was hissing in pain though, doubled over as Mary shouted at Snape and Remus hurried to
his friend. “Fuck. Fucking hell I am so sorry,” Remus was babbling.
“What happened?” Sirius asked through clenched teeth.
“My fucking co-worker,” Remus growled. “Knocked them out of my hands. I am…fuck I am so
sorry. Come with me, alright? To the back room. I have something for that.”
Sirius grabbed is arm, forgetting his cane as he hobbled along down the employee corridor to the
back office. Remus immediately took Sirius to a chair, then fumbled in the cabinet for the burn
cream.
“Get your jeans down,” Remus ordered.
“Get your jeans down,” Remus ordered.
Sirius, who was still grimacing in pain, managed to look cheeky. “Trousers off, eh? Already?”
“Fucking…” Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ve burn cream, Sirius. Don’t be a git.”
Sirius snickered, but eased his jeans down to his knees, wincing at bit. Remus sucked in his breath
when he saw the bright red skin. “How bad is it?” Sirius asked.
“Well it’s not good, but I don’t think it’ll blister. I’m going to put some stuff on it though, alright. I
can wear gloves if you want but…”
Sirius groped out, finding Remus’ wrist, and squeezed it. “I trust you, Moony.”
Remus felt his face heat up as he opened one of the small packets and poured the cream onto his
fingers. With a gentle motion, he smeared it across Sirius’ tender skin. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Hey,” Sirius said softly as he winced from the contact, “it was an accident.”
“No it wasn’t,” Remus bit, then stopped when he saw Sirius’ frown. “I mean…the coffee all over
you was, but…but that fucking…that…” He took a breath. “He knocked it out of my hands on
purpose.”
“Who?” Sirius demanded.
“Snape. Git that works with me. We don’t get on.” Remus tossed the empty packet into the bin,
and took a handful more for later. “He’s one of the ones who think I’m going to hell. Refuses to
use my name, misgenders me.”
“You want me to go out there and punch him in the face?” Sirius offered as he eased his
uncomfortably wet jeans back up. “I will. I owe him for this.”
Remus sighed. “I’ll get sacked.”
Sirius reached out and took Remus’ hand, squeezing it. “You deserve better than that.”
“Yes,” Remus said. “I know I do. But people like him are everywhere.”
Sirius didn’t respond to that, mostly because Remus knew there was nothing he could say. Sirius
knew damn well people like that existed everywhere and it was something they’d deal with the
rest of their lives.
“Here,” Remus said as Sirius did up his zip and button. He pushed the packets into his hands.
“For later. It’s not the best, but it’ll soothe the skin if it gets too bad later.”
Sirius gave him a wolfish grin. “And will you come help me put it on if I need it?”
Remus blushed hard. “Sirius…”
“Come on,” Sirius said in a rush. “Let’s get back home. After all this I could do with a shower and
some pyjamas and maybe a cuppa.”
Remus felt horrible about the whole thing, but waved away Mary’s apology, and was grateful
there was no Snape in sight as they left. The walk back was tense a bit, but Sirius kept a firm grip
on Remus the entire way there, even up the stairs to their floor.
When they got to the landing, Sirius let go reluctantly, his hand going back through his hair.
“Listen Remus…can I ask you something?”
Remus gulped. “Sure.” He wasn’t sure what was coming, but most of the time, that phrase was
followed up with a question Remus didn’t want to answer.
“D’you think you’d ever you know…considering going on a date with me? I know we just met
but…” He stopped and took a long breath. “Well I rather like you.”
His first instinct was to shout, ‘Hell yes!’ but Remus knew better than that. “Sirius,” he said from
behind a sigh. “I would love to but…”
Sirius took a step back like he’d been slapped. “Right. Yes. But.”
He looked devastated and Remus hated that he was responsible for that expression. “No I…” He
let out a frustrated growl. “Have you ever dated a trans man before?”
Sirius frowned. “Well no, but…”
“I know you think it might not matter, but…” Remus ran his fingers into his hair, knocking his
beanie to the floor. “I like you. More than I wanted to. And I would love to go out with you, but
I’m just not interested in getting hurt again.”
“Remus, I don’t care that…”
“Just…do me a favour. Go home. Read up on it. Read every blog, every article, everything you
can find and if after all that, you feel like you still want to give this a go, then yes. I will go on a
date with you.”
Sirius swallowed thickly. “Yeah. I can do that.”
“And if you don’t,” Remus said as Sirius started back for his door, “that’s okay too. Because I
really like being friends with you.”
Sirius’ face brightened just a little at that. “I do too, Moony. I really do.”
Then he went inside, the door closing with an echo. Remus’ door mirrored the sound just after,
and instead of taking tea or having a shower, or bothering with anything else, he collapsed on his
bed and said a silent prayer that the next time he saw Sirius Black, the answer would be a
resounding, “Hell yes, I still want to date you.”
Chapter 3
Chapter Notes
This one is a bit shorter than the last, but I had a horrific computer issue which erased
2 weeks worth of my work (about 30k words in my book....I may cry forever) as well
as several starts to several fanfic prompts. I have a new laptop *throws confetti* but
my updates might be even slower now that I have to re-write so much.
However I hope you enjoy this update. xx
See the end of the chapter for more
Remus Lupin intended on going immediately to sleep. But as he lay there in his bed thinking
about how he’d parted with Sirius, and the things he’d asked of him, it got him thinking. Because
was he being fair? Yes, he was being fair about asking Sirius to research, but Remus realised that
maybe he should do some of his own. Maybe dating a person with a visual impairment would be
just as tricky, just as unique, as someone who wasn’t cis gender.
At the very least, he ought to educate himself, if he was going to request it of others. So he pulled
out his laptop and started googling.
He hadn’t intended on being up all night. He hadn’t intended on going back nearly seventeen
pages of blogs and articles and reddit posts—which frankly were disturbing at the very least and
honestly why had he thought checking those would be worth it—and by the time he finally closed
the screen and attempted to get some sleep, it was nearly five in the morning.
Which was how he found himself falling to actual sleep at the library the next afternoon. It had
just gone eleven, and he was re-shelving. He had one hand on a book, and his eyes just would not
obey any longer. He leant his head against the cool metal, one hand shoving the book into place,
the other bracing himself to stay upright.
And it just…happened.
Sleep claimed him.
It was hardly the first time the walking disaster called Remus Lupin had fallen to sleep in the most
bizarre place, though. It was not new to him.
However he woke up when a hard thwack smacked against the back of his calves, and a person
gasped, “Oh shit! I didn’t realise anyone was there.”
Somehow, because maybe the universe thought it was a great, cosmic fucking laugh that they’d
run into each other like this, Remus’ eyes wrenched open and he turned to stare at Sirius Black
who was holding the edge of the shelf in one hand, and holding his cane tight in the other.
“Er. Sirius?”
Sirius’ eyes widened. “Fuck me. Moony? What the hell are you doing here?”
“I work here,” Remus explained in a slow voice. “What erm… are you doing?”
“Testing my fucking obvious failure of an app. This was supposed to be the braille and large print
section. Where am I, exactly?”
Remus blinked, trying to regain his composure from shock and sleep. “Erm. Biographies.”
“Biographies, braille. This fucking, ruddy stupid piece of shit…” Sirius was muttering as he
swiped on his mobile and then yanked a small earpiece from his ear. “Well this was wholly and
completely embarrassing, but I guess if I’m going to violently abuse someone with my cane, at
least it’s someone I can ply with Bollywood and curry as an apology.”
Remus snorted, shaking his head. “Honestly, it’s fine. I’m sorry your app isn’t sorted.”
“My own fault for getting my hopes up,” Sirius said with a withering sigh.
And then both at the same time seemed to realise how their last conversation had gone, and the
mood got incredibly awkward. Remus shifted, not sure how to tell Sirius about his research. And
Sirius was shuffling his feet awkwardly because Remus had obviously asked for a lot.
“So erm…were you hiding from me?” Sirius eventually asked, squeezing the top of his cane hard.
Remus’ eyes went wide. “What? God, no. I er…” He then blushed violently red. “God this is so
embarrassing. I kind of fell asleep.”
“Fell asleep?” Sirius echoed. “Standing up? Against the bookshelf?”
Remus cleared his throat. “Ah er…yes. I might have got no sleep last night and well…got tired.”
“Christ,” Sirius said, a grin spreading across his face. “You’re a ridiculous human.”
“I am complete garbage,” Remus replied with a slight smile. “I really am.”
“I think,” Sirius said after a second, “you need a coffee. What would it take to convince whoever
else is here to let you go grab one?” He leant in a bit. “Just tell them the poor blind lad needs an
escort. That always works.” When Remus hesitated, Sirius said, “It’s not a date. It’s a caffeine
emergency.”
Licking his lips, Remus sighed and realised that he really wanted nothing more than to go
somewhere with Sirius for a little while. And this, he told himself, would be something friends
would do. And they were friends. If Sirius didn’t want to date, they could have this at least.
“Okay.”
Sirius’ grin went wide and sunny all over again. He reached out his hand, and Remus stepped into
it, letting him take his arm as he’d done on the way to the café. Walking to the front counter,
Remus grabbed the attention of Benjy. “Hey, I need to give Sirius an er…”
“Escort,” Sirius said happily.
“You mind?”
Benjy lifted a brow and had an almost-knowing look on his face, but he shrugged one shoulder.
“Whatever, mate. It’s not like we’re swamped here or anything. Just get back before my lunch.”
Remus smiled in relief as Sirius gripped him harder, and they headed for the doors. “You don’t
actually need a guide right now, do you?” Remus said in a slightly accusing tone.
Sirius snorted. “I’ve had this place mapped out for ages. But if we play it up, we might be able to
use this excuse more often.”
“I’m willing to bet Benjy didn’t buy your shit,” Remus said.
Sirius shrugged. “We might know each other. He might know I’m perfectly alright on my own.”
“Christ,” Remus muttered, but he was grinning.
They made it to the café not far, and sat at a table near the window. Remus had a double-shot latte
with soy, and Sirius was happily sipping on a tea, his finger toying with the edge of a croissant
that looked poorly constructed and over-baked.
“So, no sleep?” Sirius offered. “My fault?”
Remus swallowed. “Erm. Well, in a way. I thought I should look into the whole you know…” He
rubbed his face. “I don’t know how to say this without sounding rude.”
“You worry about that a lot,” Sirius pointed out. “And I’m not overly sensitive, Moony. Thought
you might’ve noticed.”
“Well yes but…”
Sirius reached out, finding Remus’ wrist, and he squeezed it. “Mate, trust me. I can tell when
someone means well, and you do. You’re not going to be some arse who deliberately uses my
lack of sight to take the piss.”
Remus opened his mouth, but recalled how many blogs he’d read the night before by blind people
who had that very same experience. He recalled the pizza delivery person and he wondered how
the hell Sirius could have trusted anyone. “Well I’ve never had a blind friend before. So I thought
I’d read up on it. You know, make sure I’m not being a complete tit about the whole thing.”
Sirius’ smile widened a bit as he sat back. “Really?” He sounded half-surprised.
“Well yes. I mean, fair’s fair, right? I ask you to do the same for me.”
Sirius worried his bottom lip between his teeth. “Well, I reckon so.”
Remus had the near-violent urge to ask Sirius if he’d done any research as well, but he figured
Sirius would come out and tell him when he was ready. “So I learnt a lot. And I’m probably going
to fuck it all up a lot but…”
“I’m not worried about it, Moons,” Sirius said almost absently, his fingers playing with the lid on
his take-away cup.
Remus flushed at the shift in nickname, and it sent a white-hot coil of want and affection straight
into his gut. “Well I’m going to worry. Because it’s what I do. Because as you pointed out earlier,
I’m a fucking ridiculous human.”
Sirius snorted, his head shaking. “Ridiculous, yes. But bloody good sort, Remus. And I don’t
meet a lot of those.”
***
Sirius parted ways with Remus, peeling his hand away like it was a stubborn plaster stuck to his
arm hair. But eventually Remus had to get back to work and honestly Sirius knew James was
going to be furious that he was coming back after so long with nothing to report but failure.
Not that Sirius cared much. He was exhausted, reckoned he probably looked as terrible as Remus
sounded. He had been up all night as well, reading page after page, until his fingers felt raw. He
swapped from his braille reader to audio and by the time he attempted to get a few hours of sleep,
his ears were ringing and his head was full.
He wasn’t sure how to digest all the information. He’d been out before, he’d met trans men and
women, non-binary people. He was no stranger to life outside of cis-normative culture, but he’d
never taken the time to understand it like this. And he understood why Remus was asking.
How could he not understand?
He wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about the entire thing, though. Not because he was
uncomfortable dating Remus. In fact, it had taken extreme self-control to not dive across the table,
take him by the front of his stupidly soft jumper and just say, “You are the most glorious man I’ve
ever met and please date me before I wither away and die,” mostly because he doubted Remus
would appreciate his special brand of theatrics—and he wanted to at least appear like he was
giving this some time.
He didn’t know how to go forward, though. After reading account after account of gay men
bashing genitals, of the rampant transphobia in the LGB community, of trans people being used to
fulfil a fetish or curiosity, he didn’t know how Remus could trust anyone. And as Sirius had very
plainly stated he’d never dated a trans man before, he had nothing to go on.
But he’d be damned if he didn’t try.
Sirius came back to himself as his fingers touched the braille plaque on the wall. Reaching out
along the door, he found the handle and pushed inside.
“James, my love?”
“At the computer station,” James said.
Sirius made his way over, grabbing for his usual chair as he plonked down. “Well, it was shit.”
James let out a sigh. “How so?”
“Couldn’t tell the difference between biography and braille. I mean, at least it got the B correct
but…”
“I’ll work on it,” James said, sounding annoyed. “What the hell took so long, then?”
“Well you know our friendly handyman-slash-barista?”
James let out a groan. “You didn’t…”
“I might have accidentally half-maimed him with my cane. He works at the library as well.”
“Christ, really?” James asked. “When does the poor man have time to sodding sleep?”
Sirius snickered inwardly at the memory of Remus falling to sleep standing up against the
bookshelf. “Bit like us, I reckon. But I had to take him for a coffee, of course.”
James sighed, saying nothing as Sirius heard the rapid-fire clicking of the keyboard. After a
moment, James sat back, the chair giving a squeak. “Of course you did. And I suspect that went
well?”
“He told me he was up all night researching what it was like to date a blind person.” So Sirius
might have embellished a bit as Remus hadn’t directly mentioned dating in his research, but he
could read between the lines.
James was quiet another moment. “Was he? So you reckon he might actually fancy you back?”
“I’m hoping, mate.” Sirius rubbed his hand down his face, feeling exhausted all over again. “I’m
not going to push it. I really fancy him and I don’t want to fuck it up.”
“I’ve not seen you gone over a bloke in a while,” James mused. He reached out and carefully
wrapped his hand round the back of Sirius’ neck, rubbing the skin there with his thumb. “He
seems like a good sort, really.”
“He is. We’ve…erm…we need to take it slow, obviously,” Sirius said, not wanting to get into
territory he wasn’t ready to discuss yet. Remus hadn’t come out to James and it wasn’t Sirius’
place to discuss it at all. “I think I’m going to ask him on a proper date though. This Saturday.”
“That should be good. Lily and I have got dinner with her parents again. Then we might drive out
to Godric’s Hollow and stay for the rest of the weekend since mum and dad aren’t back yet.”
Sirius smiled. “Flat to myself. Excellent.”
“Just keep your depraved habits out of my bed,” James warned, but leant in to press a kiss to
Sirius’ mouth. “And if you need anything…”
“I won’t,” Sirius insisted. “Honestly, you two need the short holiday. Have a ton of gross hetero-
sex and maybe make a baby or something.”
“You’re a git.”
“You love me, you mean,” Sirius corrected.
“That too.”
***
With a cup of tea in hand, Remus took to the sofa with the intent to think on things. He’d enjoyed
his coffee with Sirius, and the more he got to spend time with his new neighbour, the more he
couldn’t shake the desire coiling in his belly to just grab him and kiss him right on his mouth.
But the events of the night before, and the long afternoon at the library proved to be too much, and
before he realised it, he was drifting off. His tea sat cold on the table next to the lamp, and his head
was slumped over against the cushion.
He remained that way until a loud crash sounded in the corridor, and the sounds of muted
swearing. “Buggering fucking hell!”
Startled and heart pounding, Remus was on his feet and throwing open the door to the flat,
shocked when he saw Sirius attempting to rise up amidst a stack of boxes, with a bleeding wound
on his forehead and a bright red mark blooming across his cheek.
“Sirius, oh my god! Are you alright?”
Pressing the back of his hand to the cut on his forehead, Sirius grimaced. “Moony?”
Hurrying over, Remus bent down to touch his shoulder. “What happened?”
Sirius frowned, looking a bit confused as he pressed his free hand to the ground to give himself
leverage to rise. “Well…I was coming over to yours. Wanted to borrow your wifi because our
fucking router won’t connect and…” He frowned again. “I opened the door and fell over
something.”
“Somethings,” Remus said. “There’s like five boxes here. They must have been in front of your
door.”
“Fuck,” Sirius said.
Remus reached over to turn the nearest one back to the label and his eyes went wide with horror.
His own name was on it. “Oh shit. These are mine. They must have got the flat wrong.”
“Fucking typical,” Sirius muttered.
Remus became aware again that Sirius was bleeding. “You should come inside. Let me get a
flannel and see if you need stitches.”
Sirius looked like he wanted to protest, but it was obvious by the red gobs dripping down his face
he didn’t have much choice. “Yeah, alright.” Grabbing onto Remus’ arm, he followed the
handyman inside and to the sofa.
“Just hang on, I know Pete has some first aid supplies somewhere. Is James home?”
“With Lily,” Sirius said. “Said he’s meant to be with her the rest of the weekend.”
Remus vaguely wondered what Sirius would have done if no one else was there, but he reckoned
having been blind his entire life, he had a system. Still, the least he could do was offer a plaster or
two, or possibly a trip to A&E should he actually need stitches.
Finding a flannel, he ran it under warm water, then found Pete’s first aid supplies in an old tin he
used to take camping. There were a few plasters in there, and some ointment which he knew
would do the trick.
Coming back to the lounge, Remus sat next to his neighbour and gently touched his hand. “Mind
if I look at it?”
Sirius carefully pulled his bloodied fingers away, and Remus winced. It was a decent gash, likely
made by the corner of a box, but not deep enough that he’d need treatment. Remus carefully
wiped the blood streaks from Sirius’ face, then pressed the flannel against the wound.
“Bad?” Sirius asked.
“Not as it could be. I think I can put a couple plasters over it and you should be fine.” Remus
carefully pulled the flannel away and was pleased to note it had mostly stopped bleeding. He tore
the edge off the ointment and dabbed a bit across the wound before peeling back the plaster. Sirius
winced a bit, but offered Remus a weak smile once it was done.
“Well, I guess that’s one way to say good afternoon.”
Remus snorted. “Right, yes. Though at this point I doubt anything with us will ever be
conventional.” He looked down at Sirius’ bloodied fingers, then carefully grabbed his wrist and
began to clean them off. “Do you want a cup of tea or something? Or an ice pack for your face?”
Sirius prod at his cheek with his hand, then sighed. “Nah. I’ve had much worse. I think half the
people in our old building used to think James was an abusive boyfriend for all the black eyes and
swollen lips I’ve had over the years.”
“Oh my god,” Remus said with a slight laugh. “So you’re telling me if we date, people are going
to think I beat you?”
Sirius grinned just a bit. “Probably.” Then his grin faultered. “Does that… I mean, that sounds
really horrible and…”
Remus squeezed his fingers before letting Sirius go. “I’m joking. It’s fine. I should go pick those
boxes up off the floor, though. I’m not even sure what the hell they could be.”
Sirius sat back and waved him off, and Remus hurried to gather them all. Glancing at the
addresses, he saw four of them were from his mum and aunts, and the fifth looked like it was the
part to Sirius’ kitchen sink.
“So. Are you being showered with gifts from your many admirers?” Sirius asked.
Remus laughed. “Yes, all my admirers queueing up to woo me with gifts. No, these are Hanukkah
gifts since I won’t be going home this year. And one of them is the part for your kitchen so you
lads can actually get back to cooking and washing up like the rest of us commoners.”
“Oy! First your packages attack my face, then you want me to do dishes?” Sirius crowed. “You’re
a rude man, Remus.”
Rolling his eyes, Remus tore open the package with the piece to the sink, grabbed his box of tools,
then walked over to the sofa. “Come on, whinging baby. Let’s go over to yours and I can sort you
out. Then I can make you some tea and maybe put your injured arse in bed.”
Sirius pouted, but stuck out his hand for Remus and gripped his fingers as they went back across
to Sirius’. When they got in, Sirius let Remus’ hand go and he scrubbed at his face. “I need to go
wash up. I feel sticky and disgusting. And honestly I think I could use some paracetamol for this
damned bruise.”
Remus nodded. “I’ll sort out the sink, then a cuppa.”
“Only if you promise to hang out for a bit,” Sirius said.
Remus hesitated, but he damn well knew he wasn’t going to say no. “Fine. I suppose fair’s fair
since my Hanukkah gifts did try to maim you.”
Sirius grinned widely as he moved down to the bathroom to wash up. Remus took a shaking
breath, hating how much he wanted him, wanted this without knowing how Sirius actually felt.
Grabbing the things he needed, he immediately went to work.
Just as he was fitting the new part on the pipe, he heard a noise and looked over. Sirius looked
fresh-faced, the plaster still stuck to his forehead, but he’d changed into a new shirt and some
fuzzy purple pyjama bottoms. They looked so adorable, Remus actually felt his gut twist with
desire to throw his arms round the other man.
“Nearly finished?” Sirius asked.
“Just about.” Remus tightened the last bit, then stood up and began to run the water. After a
minute, he was satisfied, and put everything away. “You are officially leak-free.”
“Excellent. My hero.”
Remus rolled his eyes a little with his snort. “Right, hero. Where’s your tea?”
“Cabinet by the fridge. Mugs are to the right of the cooker.”
Remus carefully went through the cabinets, pulling out two mugs, and a box of tea. He noticed
everything had small braille labels over them, and he recalled some of the information he’d read
the night before, and did his best to put everything back exactly.
He flicked on the kettle, then bit down on his lip, not sure what to say.
“So can we talk over tea?” Sirius eventually asked. “I erm…well I did what you asked.”
Remus gulped. “Of course, yes.” He nearly jumped when the kettle gave a loud beep, and
stumbled back. “Christ!”
Sirius threw his head back and laughed. “Sorry, most of my stuff makes obnoxious noises to get
my attention.”
Remus shook his head, swiping his face. “No it’s… I should have realised. I just didn’t think.” He
poured the water over the bags, then looked round for a spoon to mash them against the side of the
mugs. “Milk or sugar?”
“I think right now I’ll go with black.”
Remus decided on the same, and handed Sirius’ over, before sipping on his. Before he could ask
where Sirius wanted to chat, the engineer reached out, groping for Remus until he had his wrist.
“Come on, my room’s the most comfortable. Just for chatting, I swear.”
Remus had no argument against it, and was in fact very curious to see that space. “No that’s…just
fine. No worries.” He smiled when Sirius squeezed his hand, and the next thing he knew, they
were walking into Sirius’ room.
The room itself was very Sirius, Remus noticed straight away. There was a bed under the
window, a bookshelf, but most of the space was taken up by a massive working desk with a
computer, and several bits of torn apart electronics Remus couldn’t begin to work out for himself.
The second thing he noticed was a massive canvas which stretched in an L shape over two walls.
At first glance it looked completely blank, and he had to wonder what it was about.
“This is me,” Sirius said. “Let me clear a space on my bed.” He hurried over, moving his laptop,
and what looked like a thick, binder-like book off to the side. Remus peered over and saw the
pages in the book covered in braille.
“Is it work?” he asked.
Sirius laughed a little. “What, the book? No I got bored so I was reading Hunger Games. James
insisted after Lily got him into it.”
Remus giggled a little, covering the laugh with the sleeve of his jumper. “Ah. Well…let me know
how it is.”
“Mm, so far it’s…” He shook his head. “Well I’ll decide when I’m done. Anyway, so…this is
where I spend most of my time. Taking shit apart, putting it back together. The glory that is me.”
“Christ,” Remus whispered with a grin. “Erm…can I ask about er. The wall?”
Sirius frowned. “The wall?”
“The…well I dunno what it is.” He took a step forward, standing next to Sirius. “Canvas thing.”
Sirius’ frown deepened, then his eyes shot wide. “Oh! My map. It’s a map of London.” When
Remus was silent he clarified, “Braille map.”
“Oh. Oh I should have realised. I feel like an idiot,” Remus muttered.
Sirius laughed, then reached out and carefully put his arm round Remus’ waist. “Here let me show
you. Is this alright?”
Remus nodded, then remembered. “Yeah no. Just fine.”
Sirius’ grin widened, then he carefully pressed himself against Remus’ back, taking his right hand
up, and brought it to the canvas. Closer up, Remus could see dots and lines and shapes cascading
across the white canvas. Under his fingers, he could feel them as Sirius drew his hand from one
end to the other.
“This is where we are,” Sirius said, pressing Remus’ fingers down over a series of lines and
bumps. “Where we live now. This is our building.”
Remus pressed his hands to the shapes and closed his eyes to try and experience it the way Sirius
did. Only he became profoundly aware of Sirius’ hand splayed tight against his belly, holding him
there. And of the hand over his wrist, of the fingers carefully guiding his hand round the map.
“James made this for me for my birthday,” Sirius said, his mouth very close to Remus’ ear. “He
hung it up in my room when I was at a lecture and surprised me with it. Naturally I cried a bit.”
“Naturally,” Remus said, hating how choked his voice was. “It’s really lovely.”
Sirius took a step back, dropping one hand, but the one holding Remus about the waist remained.
“I wanted to wait, you know. Because I was afraid if I said something straight away you’d think I
wasn’t taking you seriously. But I was up all night reading, and…and I get your hesitation,
Moons. I do. I get it. But I like you. And I don’t…I mean nothing’s putting me off. Nothing
makes me hesitate. I just really bloody fancy you.”
Remus lowered his eyes, staring at the hand pressed against his jumper. “I fancy you too,” he
admitted.
Sirius’ hand tightened on him just a bit. “So can we…”
“I still think,” Remus said very carefully, moving away from Sirius’ grip, “we should talk.”
Sirius slumped, looking a bit defeated, but he beckoned Remus to the bed where they could sit.
After a moment of hesitation, Remus joined him, sat with his back to the wall. “Alright, but I’ll
have you know if you’re trying to convince me not to like you, it’s not going to work.”
Remus couldn’t help a small grin. “That’s not what I’m doing. I just…you’re gay, right?”
“Yes,” Sirius said slowly. “Which isn’t a problem as you’re a bloke and I rather fancy them.”
Remus worried his bottom lip for a moment. “Have you ever had sex with a person who has a
vagina?”
Sirius blinked rapidly, his gaze fixed across the room, but his head was turned slightly toward
Remus. “Yes, I have. A few times. My first few relationships were women. Cis women,” he
corrected.
“So what…I mean how did you realise you’re gay?”
“Because I didn’t enjoy their company.” Sirius took a breath. “If you’re asking me if I have a
problem with vaginas, then the answer is no. I don’t. I’ve fallen in love with three people—all of
whom have been men. I like people who understand me, and it’s been a man each time. I like the
way your voice sounds, and the way you laugh and you’re funny, and you never once patronised
me. And I like the way your skin feels and I like all your fuzzy jumpers. And James says you have
curly hair which makes me go weak in the knees.” He stopped and took another breath. "I knew
something was different, good different, the moment you sat with me and had pizza. I haven't
been able to stop thinking about you since. And I don't date a lot, as pretty as I am. So if you'd
give me a chance, if you could trust me a little bit, I think this could really work. Please."
Remus was swallowing thickly, over and over. Because fuck, he wanted Sirius, he wanted this.
“Alright,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I trust you.”
The grin blooming on Sirius’ face almost made Remus forget how to breathe. And he moved
slowly, creeping toward Remus, his hands coming out to find his shoulders, then cupping against
the sides of his neck. “So you’ll go on a date with me?”
Remus nodded against Sirius’ hands. “Yeah. I will.”
If possible, Sirius’ grin glowed brighter. “When?”
Remus breathed out harsh and felt a tense laugh bubbling up in his gut. “Tomorrow. Now.
Bloody yesterday. When are you free?”
Sirius laughed hard, leaning forward so his forehead was resting on Remus’ shoulder. “Fuck.
How about let me take a shower and get all pretty for you since you can at least benefit from being
able to see how gorgeous I am. And I’ll woo you with wine and fancy food and we can come
back here and maybe, if I’m very lucky, I can get a goodnight kiss.”
Remus felt his head spinning and he couldn’t help himself. He reached out, his fingers carefully
brushing against the injured skin on Sirius’ cheeks and he brought his lips in, feathering a few
kisses across the bruise. “I think your chances of that,” he said very quietly, “are pretty damn
good.”
Chapter End Notes
Up next, the date.
Chapter 4
Chapter Notes
God this got so sappy and fluffy, it's disgusting. I think I'm in a weird place, idk.
LOL. Also this is the chapter with NC-17 (explicit) content so be warned Only one
more chapter to go.
Remus was just pulling on a jumper when his mobile began to buzz. He picked it up to see a
series of near hysterical texts from upstairs about something coming up out of the bathtub drain
and she needed immediate assistance.
Cursing his shit luck, he struggled into a pair of work jeans and old t-shirt, and prayed whatever it
was would only take a handful of minutes. Sirius was presently getting ready for their date, and
Remus did not want to miss it. Not one, single second. He’d dropped his guard and had started to
fall pretty hard for his eccentric neighbour, and if the universe was going to fuck with him tonight,
he would not be a happy man.
Running his hand through his freshly washed curls, he toed on his work boots and stepped into
the hall. He rapped two knuckles on the door, and from inside he heard, “Come on in, Moony!”
Remus pushed the door open to find Sirius walking down the hall toward the lounge. His heart
nearly stopped at the sight of him. Sirius was dressed in tight, black jeans, a tunic-like white shirt,
his hair done up in a bun which would have looked lazy and untidy on anyone else—but on Sirius
it looked like pure sex. To top off the look, Sirius had done a bit of black eyeliner on his lower
lids, and smeared a light pink gloss across his mouth.
Fuck. He was so hot.
“Er,” Remus said, trying to find his words. “Erm there’s…I’ve got…” He cleared his throat.
“Emergency. An emergency.”
Sirius, who had been giving Remus a somewhat wolfish smile, faltered. “Oh. Look, Moons, if
you changed your mind and you’d rather…”
“No,” Remus said, almost harshly. He reached out, closing his hand round Sirius’ wrist and
tugged him closer. “No I want to go out with you. More than anything. Fuck. It’s upstairs, she
says something’s coming out of her tub drain and I have to sort it out. I was all ready to go.
Washed my hair and everything,” he finished with a pout.
Sirius smirked just a bit, pulling Remus closer. One hand reaching up to wind in the slightly damp
curls, he buried his nose against Remus’ hair and breathed in. “Mm, smells so nice. Feels so nice.
Have I ever told you how curly hair makes me go all wobbly.”
Remus let his eyes close, basking in Sirius until his mobile buzzed again with another series of
texts. “Fuck. Look, I’ll run up, sort it out, and be back down to change if you don’t mind waiting
just a bit.”
Sirius groaned, but reluctantly let Remus go. “It’s fine. Honestly, I can be patient. I mean…not too
patient but…”
“I swear I’ll hurry,” Remus vowed.
Only it was a promise he shouldn’t have made. Not when he saw the muck in the bottom of the
tub and realised he was in for a decently long night. He managed to send a text to Sirius before
going wrist-deep and he didn’t want to know what, and began to sort out the drain.
Two hours and forty five minutes and he’d retrieved a sock, what he assumed was old, rotted
kitchen paper, possibly clumps of dog hair—which he had no idea since upstairs didn’t have a
dog, and what looked like bits of cotton. He was covered in disgusting sewage, and he couldn’t
begin to describe the smell.
Grabbing his mobile and trying to use as little skin contact as he could so as not to contaminate it,
he pushed Sirius’ contact and waited. “Hallo Moons.”
“Uhg, I’ve just finished. I’m putting my things away now, but I am utterly disgusting. I cannot
begin to describe what this was like. It was…vile. Foul. The smell is…” He trailed off and
shuddered.
There was a pause, then a slight chuckle. “I’ve got an idea. Go back to yours and grab something
comfy to put on. Pyjamas. Then come over to mine. I have the most amazing smelling bath bomb
Lily got me. I’m going to run you a bath, then order take-away and you’re going to relax and
scrub off and get yourself nice smelling. Then we’ll have a great cuddle with the laptop and a film
and food that’s terribly bad for us—but terribly comforting. And I don’t want to hear a word
against it.”
“Sirius,” Remus said as he put his things back away and slung his pack over his shoulder, “you’ve
no idea how horrible this is.”
“Remus,” Sirius said, mocking his tone, “I do not care. I’m deeply and spiritually against forfeiting
our date. Please.”
Remus wanted to say no, just to spare Sirius and maybe spare himself the embarrassment of
smelling like the inside of a toilet, but he couldn’t. Because Sirius clearly wanted this, and bloody
hell so did he. “Alright. But I’m warning you, you may never want to snog me again after this.”
“I can’t imagine anything on the planet could put me off you, Remus Lupin. Now go on, I’ve
waited long enough.”
Remus laughed slightly. “Alright, fine. Give me ten minutes.”
***
Seven minutes later, the door to his flat opened and Sirius rose from the sofa. He could hear
Remus’ feet padding across the floor, a muted sound so he assumed his shoes were off. Coming
round the table, Sirius held out his hand until Remus took it.
He hadn’t been lying about the smell. It wasn’t nearly as bad as Remus said, but it was very
unpleasant. “Christ, Moony. You deserve some sort of pay rise or maybe some gold-covered
chocolate star for putting up with that shit. And I think I might mean that literally.”
“I’d be more cross if it wasn’t true,” Remus said, sounding absolutely miserable. “I’m really sorry
about the date.”
“It’s alright,” Sirius said, and it was. He had spent the last nearly three hours worried out of his
mind he’d put Remus off. He knew he was taking a risk with the clothes and makeup. But it was
who he was, and he reckoned if Remus was going to be his authentic self, he ought to.
It had almost seemed like an escape plan until now. Until how frustrated Remus sounded, and the
smell.
Sirius shouldn’t have been relieved by it, honestly, because it was disgusting, but he found himself
wanting to hug the other man in spite of the potential for gross contamination. “I’ve got the bath
ready. It’s nice and hot, just waiting for you to put in the bath bomb and soak. Take your time, get
all lazy and sleepy and clean. And hungry. The delivery should be here in about twenty. I got that
Moroccan food Jamie ordered from Bollywood night.”
“You’re a dream, Sirius,” Remus muttered, and clenched his hand tight over Sirius’ fingers for a
moment. He released them slowly, and Sirius felt the loss like a pang in his gut as Remus tromped
down the hall toward the bath.
When the door shut, he heard a faint groan of appreciation, and Sirius grinned to himself. He was
at least doing something right. The night was important to him, and he wanted it to be perfect. If
they couldn’t date outside, damn it, they’d do it here.
Once Remus was safely in the water, getting unsmelly, Sirius hurried to his bedroom to sort it out.
He’d nicked one of James’ down-filled comforters, throwing it atop his own duvet to make a
marshmallow-y nest of floof. Then changing into his silkiest pyjamas—holding them very close to
his nose to verify they were his most favourite lavender ones—he slipped those on with a light
shirt, and went back to the lounge to wait.
He’d sorted out his money, holding the edge right at his eyelashes to make out the faint blur that
told him he was holding twenties. He’d not be made a fool of this night, not on his date night with
Moony.
His foot tapped impatiently as he waited.
The minutes ticked by like hours.
And eventually the knock came just as Sirius heard Remus begin to drain the water from the tub.
He hurtled himself from the sofa, catching his knee on the low table and toppling over, but he paid
it no mind. He clambered to his feet, hurried to the door, and flung it open.
“Excellent,” he said, his nose immediately filling with the smell of spices. He held out two
twenties and the delivery person took them. “Keep anything that’s left. Thanks mate,” and with
that, slammed the door. Rude, maybe, but he was too anxious to get everything set up before
Remus was dressed.
He grabbed the plates he’d set out earlier, hurrying into his room and banged it all down on the
edge of his work desk. His laptop was all set up for a film, and he carefully laid everything out,
smelling each box to determine which was which.
Just as he was settling onto the edge of his bed, there was a light knock, and the door squeaked as
it pushed all the way open. “Well,” came Remus’ hesitant voice, “have I got all the smell off me?”
Sirius immediately stood, walking toward Remus, and reached out to take him by the shoulders.
Holding him tight by a soft shirt, he buried his face in Remus’ neck and breathed in deep. “Mm,
smells like a field of lavender.”
Remus laughed, carefully putting his hands on Sirius’ waist and drawing him a bit closer. “That
was…unexpected. And delightful. Honestly, thank you.”
Sirius ran his hands down Remus’ arms, linking their hands together, then pulled him backward.
“I’ve got food sorted, and drinks. And Netflix on my laptop. You get to choose what we watch,
and we’re going to eat and cuddle and help you forget about disgusting upstairs baths.”
Remus giggled as he let Sirius pull him fully into the room, then they broke apart as they walked
over to the desk. Remus hummed, then filled his plate just as Sirius did his, and they made their
way to the bed. Putting his plate to the side, Sirius grabbed his laptop and hooked in his braille
refresher.
“Alright, what do you fancy?”
“Nothing dark,” Remus said. “Er…no horror. And anything with subtitles I assume is right out.”
Sirius laughed. “Well I speak conversational French and Thai, but reckon we can go with
something lighter. Comedy, maybe? Rom-Com?”
Remus snorted. “Rom-Com. Alright, what is there?”
Sirius began to scroll through the titles, his fingers feeling out each movie as they popped up on
the screen, and he read out a list until he got to You’ve Got Mail.
“Oh that film is such shit, but I love it,” Remus said. “How badly would you judge me?”
“Maybe a bit,” Sirius said as he began the film, “but only as much as I judge myself. I’ve seen this
about eight thousand times.”
Remus made a happy noise as he settled in next to Sirius. “God you’re…just…thank you.”
Sirius preened a bit at this, but tried not to get too smug. He set the laptop on the desk and
attempted to face it toward Remus. “See it alright?”
“Perfect.”
They settled in, shoulder-to-shoulder, as the shitty early nineties music and sounds of ancient dial-
up internet began. The movie was totally camp, ridiculous in the premise, but the love in it was so
sweet and although Sirius always balked at how hetero and white it was, he couldn’t help but
wish he had something star-crossed like the two idiots pining away online.
Ten minutes in, the pair had finished with the food, and Sirius set the plates aside, feeling round
for the pillows, and beckoned Remus over. “I believe I promised cuddles. Which are instrumental
in forgetting about horrific bathtubs.”
“Know a lot about those, do you?” Remus asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.
“Unfortunately, but I’ll spare you the details of my sordid secondary education.” Sirius found
Remus’ hand and tugged him down into the bed of floof. He pulled the covers round them tight,
and let his face bury in the back of Remus’ neck as he listened to the film.
“Thanks,” Remus said after some time. His fingers began to draw lazy patterns along Sirius’ arm
that was holding him tight by the waist.
Sirius snuffled into Remus’ curls and smiled. “Any time, you know. I was planning on trying to
woo you with fancy things, but this is…”
“Nicer,” Remus finished for him. He twisted round to face Sirius. “It is. I…I mean it’s
unconventional, but I reckon neither of us were really made for that.”
“Convention?” Sirius asked, and hummed. “No, not so much. Honestly that sounds dreadfully
boring.”
Remus laughed as his hand reached up to cup Sirius’ cheek. “You’re very lovely. I’m sure you’re
told that a lot.”
“Not as often as you might assume, which is horrible as I should be showered with compliments
all day every day.”
“Christ, you’re…” Remus’ fingers pressed into his skin a bit harder. “Impossible. I should knock
you down a peg or two, but I can’t seem to make myself.”
“Hmm, well I’m not going to encourage you, if that’s what you were hoping.” Sirius smiled
widely as his hand trailed up Remus’ side, going to his neck. His fingertips ghosted along the skin
there, under his chin, his earlobes, along the shell of his ear. He traced a finger round Remus’ lips,
then brought his head very close to Remus, almost nose-to-nose so he could use what little vision
he had. He couldn’t quite make out an eye colour, but he got the blurry shapes of a big nose, and
flash of white as Remus bit down on his lip. “Beautiful,” he breathed.
“Can you… I mean. If it’s not rude, how much can you see?”
“Not much at all. Just a bit of this nose,” he said, rubbing the side of it with his thumb, “and your
lips.” When he drew his thumb across Remus’ lower lip, he felt it open and hot breath brushed
across his cheeks. “I want to kiss you.”
“I think you probably should,” Remus said very softly.
Sirius felt a shock of surprise, not expecting Remus to want it so soon, but he wasn’t about to
waste a single second. He grabbed him about the ribs, pulling him in tight, pressing their mouths
together. He let Remus take the lead, not wanting to push further, but he let out a low moan when
Remus’ mouth opened under his, and their tongues began to slide together hot and needy.
“Fuck,” Remus whispered against his lips. He pushed his hips up against Sirius and gripped the
front of his shirt tight. “I erm…god I want you.”
Sirius bit back a deep moan as he bent his head low to mouth at Remus’ neck. “You turn me on so
much. I want…fuck I want to…can we…?”
“Do you have anything?” Remus asked in a hurry. “Condoms or…anything?”
“Yeah. Fuck. Yes I do.” Sirius was cut off as Remus captured his mouth again, the kiss far more
needy and rough than the first. Sirius ran his hands into Remus’ curls, idly stroking through the
tendrils as Remus’ hands fisted in the back of his shirt. “In my…in my bedside table drawer.”
“Good I…” Remus kissed him again, breaking off his words for a moment. “This isn’t too fast, is
it? For you?”
“No. No it’s…if you want.” Sirius’ hips were seeking, his hard cock pressed against Remus’
thigh. “Only if you want.”
“I do. Yes.” Remus was pulling at Sirius’ shirt, up over his head, and Sirius returned the favour.
“Can I touch you? Is it alright?”
“Yes. Please, yes.”
Sirius’ hands went right to Remus’ chest. His skin was mostly smooth, along his collarbone, down
round his ribs, but just under the nipples the skin was thick and taut. Sirius’ fingers played along
them for a while, until he noticed Remus stiffen all over. He reared back a bit, realising what he
was doing.
“Fuck. I’m sorry I…Remus…”
Taking a breath, Remus grabbed Sirius’ hands and put them right back where they’d been. “No
it’s alright. I’m not ashamed of myself, Sirius. I had top surgery, and these are my scars. And
you’re allowed to see them. However you need to.”
For just a moment more, Sirius let his fingers touch along the thick tissue. Then with extreme care,
he dipped his head low and began to press kisses along Remus’ shoulders and neck. “Fuck. You
are so gorgeous.”
Remus moaned again, pulling Sirius tight to him and their mouths met as hands roamed. In the
midst of it all, they managed to undress, the soft plonk of clothes hitting the floor by the bed.
Remus’ skin was hot, both of them getting a bit sweaty from the thick covers, but it felt so good.
Remus hands came between them, a tentative touch to his cock. His fingers wrapped round him,
giving a few experimental strokes, making Sirius hiss with pleasure, his hips bucking. “Jesus,” he
breathed through clenched teeth.
“Good?” Remus asked. His voice was hoarse, thick and needy. “Is this…good?”
“God. God so good,” Sirius groaned. His hand hands began to work down Remus’ body, coming
to a stop near his thick thatch of curly hair. “May I…?”
“Yes, please yes touch me,” Remus all-but begged.
Sirius’ fingers moved down, careful at first. Parting his folds, Sirius’ thumb began to caress the hot
flesh as Remus gasped, and he moved up to his clit, pushing against it with a gentle rhythm. “So
good. You feel so good.”
“I want you,” Remus groaned. “Where’s…can we…?”
Sirius didn’t need telling twice as he fumbled in his drawer for lube and a condom. “Would you?
On me?”
Remus chuckled a little as he took both items from Sirius. Listening to the crinkle of the package,
Sirius’ entire body went tense with anticipation. To distract himself, he put his hand down low
again as Remus began to work the condom down.
“You’re so wet and hot,” Sirius breathed, pushing two fingers into him. He heard Remus groan,
hips moving as he struggled to work the lube. He coated Sirius’ cock with it, then shifted down so
Sirius could kneel between his legs. “Ready?”
“More than. Fuck me,” Remus begged.
Sirius carefully guided himself inside, the hot flesh enveloping him tight. He dipped his forehead
low against Remus’, gathering his breath so he didn’t lose it completely. “Sorry, I’m so fucking
turned on right now,” he said with a slight laugh. “I don’t want to lose it so fast.”
Remus was holding him tight by the forearms, his voice just as strained. “It’s…it’s alright. I
need…” He shifted his hips, clenching a bit round Sirius. “I’m so close already.”
Sirius let out a helpless groan as he started to move, thrusting in and out, and he knew no matter
how hard he tried, he wouldn’t last long. Instead of trying to delay it, he put his hand down
between them, feeling Remus gasp as Sirius’ fingers once again worked his clit.
It felt like it was either seconds or eternity before he was coming, and he could feel Remus
quivering and clenching beneath him with his own orgasm. There was a hot rush of fluid, and
Sirius cried out gently as he dropped his head against Remus’ shoulder.
“Oh fuck,” he gasped.
“Mmm,” Remus said in return.
It took a moment for him to regain his bearings, then he carefully moved off and pulled the
condom away. Tying the end, he dropped it into the bin and threw his arm up above his head on
the pillow. “Jesus. I haven’t come that fast since I was nineteen.”
Remus laughed gently as he rolled over, pulling the blankets up over their waist, then wrapped his
arm round Sirius. “I don’t know if I’ve ever come that fast. Christ that was…amazing.”
Sirius rolled to the side slightly, his hand reaching out carefully. Running his fingers along Remus’
cheek, he went up into his curls and his fingers nestled there. “You’re amazing, you know. So
amazing.” He licked his lips and decided fuck it, because he was thinking it and as Remus said
before, they were so far from conventional it was almost funny. “Do you want to be my
boyfriend?”
Remus was silent for so long, Sirius started to pull away out of fear he’d done something stupid.
But Remus caught him tight by the shoulder, pulling him for a kiss and whispered right against his
lips, “Hell yes, I do.”
***
As he came to consciousness, Remus was profoundly aware of a few things. One, he was not in
his bed. He was somewhere else surrounded by different smells and textures. Two, he had his
cheek pressed firmly against something hot, and skin-like. Cracking open one eye, he saw it was
indeed skin, on a thigh belonging to Sirius Black whom he’d fucked stupid and passed out on.
It had been a very long time since Remus had been intimate with anyone. His handful of dates
over the last couple years had all ended poorly. But this felt so different. This was more than some
gay man trying to experiment, and it certainly didn’t feel like Sirius wanted him in spite of his
gender. In fact, Remus had never felt more wanted before. And truth be told, he had never wanted
anyone as much as he’d wanted Sirius. There was no awkward tension after, just warm arms
round him, and a gifted mouth pressing kisses to the side of his neck until he drifted off.
Now he was awake, shifting carefully to look up at Sirius who had his laptop balanced on one
knee, his eyes closed, a small smile on his face. “Awake then, are you?”
Remus swallowed, grimacing at the taste in his mouth from the long sleep. “What time is it?”
Sirius reached over and after a second, a tinny voice spoke from his digital clock reading the time
as just gone seven. “Do you have work today?”
Remus scrubbed at his face, not willing to move his cheek from Sirius’ thigh as he spoke. “Er.
I’ve a shift at the café, but it’s later in the afternoon.”
Sirius’ grin brightened as his fingers moved across the little grey bumps that were constantly
shifting out of small holes in a black box. “Good. I thought we might wander round a bit. Go for a
walk. Maybe have a bit of that date we had to forfeit.”
Remus smiled against Sirius’ leg, letting his hand snake out from the blankets to trail along his
calf. “I’d like that.”
“Mm, would you now?” Sirius carefully eased his laptop back to the small table, then shifted
downward. Remus grimaced at having to move back to the pillow, but the careful, thin fingers
trailing up his shoulders, moving to cup his neck, made up for it. “Are you the ridiculous, sappy
type who likes to spend lazy Saturday afternoons with their boyfriend?”
“I might be,” Remus said, still smiling. He laid a careful hand on Sirius’ waist and pressed his
fingertips into the skin there. He was warm and soft, and so lovely.
“Give us a kiss, hmm? Then I can make up some breakfast and tea.”
Remus pulled back a bit. “My morning breath is probably disgusting.”
“You’ve no idea how much I don’t give a fuck. Also I’ve got an extra toothbrush you can have
for when I can steal you away for a night.” Sirius’ hand moved to cup Remus’ cheek, his thumb
brushing against the side of his mouth before bringing his lips in and pressing them hard. “God.
Okay we both need a brush.”
Remus rolled his eyes, but laughed as he shoved Sirius away. “Fuck off then, make me tea.”
Sirius pinned him for a second, feathering his neck and chest with kisses before he rolled off with
a grunt. “Demanding, demanding. Is this what I have to look forward to having you as a
boyfriend, Mr Lupin?”
“Yes,” Remus said, his voice solemn, “but you like it. I can tell.”
Sirius grinned as he walked to his wardrobe to find his dressing gown. Remus took a moment to
admire the view, his lithe, lean body, the curve of his arse. He was smitten, more than he expected
to be, and he had to hope deep down he wasn’t setting himself up to be hurt.
Sirius turned as he shrugged on a soft, silky purple dressing gown, and cinched the tie round his
waist. “Staring at me, are you?”
“How can you tell?”
“Your breathing got a bit heavier,” Sirius said with a laugh. “Which happens. I’m rather good
looking.”
“You are, that.” Remus got up and began to fumble for his discarded pyjamas. Wriggling into
them, he got up from the warm cocoon of the bed and padded to the door where Sirius was still
waiting. He grabbed him about the waist and pressed a kiss to the side of Sirius’ neck. “Where’s
that toothbrush, then?”
***
They spent a lazy morning with tea and a languid shower which wouldn’t have taken as long had
they been able to keep their hands to themselves for longer than a few moments. Remus popped
across the hall to change, finding Pete sat on the sofa looking at him with a quirked brow.
“Well?”
“Shut up,” Remus said, unable to hide his smile.
“I told you.”
“And I told you to shut up.”
“Look how fucking pleased you are. I might vomit.”
Remus shot two fingers at his flatmate, but couldn’t bring himself to stop smiling. “Fine, you get
to be right on this, but don’t think you’re special, arsehole. A broken clock is right twice a day.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Peter said, but he was grinning. “I’m going to have to put up with a lot of
really gay groping and snogging now, aren’t I?”
“Wank material, Wormy.” Remus winked at him as he headed back for the door. “I’m at the café
tonight, but dunno if I’ll be home after.”
“Please don’t. Enjoy yourself. I don’t want to see your damned face here until at least Monday
morning.”
Remus laughed as he swung the door open and walked back into Sirius’. His boyfriend—and he
had an intense thrill saying that to himself—was standing by the window with a cigarette. “Don’t
mind, do you? It’s a terrible habit, I know.”
Remus huffed, but grinned as he came up to Sirius and wound his long arms around Sirius’ waist.
“I can live with it.”
“Good. After this we can head out. A walk sounds nice, and James and I got some stuff sorted on
my app and I want to try it out. We’ve got a running feed which I attach to my cane, and it feeds
information into an earbud.”
“That’s…wow. That’s pretty fantastic,” Remus breathed.
Sirius smirked as he leant his head back against Remus’ chest. “Geniuses turn you on, do they?
Get you all hot and bothered?”
“Well, one of them does,” Remus said, pressing a kiss to Sirius’ face.
Letting his eyes flutter closed, Sirius took his free hand and brought it up to Remus’ cheek,
stroking the skin there. “Fuck, I fancy you so much. I’m…well. A little overwhelmed.”
Remus buried his nose in the back of Sirius’ hair and breathed him in. “I know what you mean.
It’s alright though. Don’t you think?”
“Oh I very much think, Moonbeam.”
Remus smiled at the nickname and shook his head. “Alright so a walk to try out your wonderful
invention. Then?”
“Lunch at my favourite Italian. The owner’s a good sort, even keeps me a braille menu on hand
which is helpful because they change their menu seasonally. Then maybe…home for a shag
before I have to lose you to that stupid café?”
Remus laughed, squeezing him tighter. “Sounds wonderful.”
In the end, Sirius chose Hampstead Heath because it was close by, and it meant he could practise
some off-pavement navigation. It took him a short while to get the app sorted, have it connected to
his earbud and everything, but before long they were walking hand-in-hand, Sirius using his cane,
swishing gently in front of him.
“Is it giving you GPS directions now?” Remus asked.
Sirius grinned. “It is, that. Walking GPS has always been fairly helpful, but we’re trying to build
something that’ll incorporate object detection and sign recognition. It’s complicated. Honestly we
just need a prototype, then we get to present it and apply for a grant.”
Remus squeezed his fingers. “It’s really fantastic. It…I mean…it’s impressive to someone who
doesn’t need it, so I can’t imagine what it’ll do for others.”
Sirius’ cheeks pinked a bit, but he didn’t say anything until they reached a path which would take
them off the pavement, between a canopy of trees. It was fairly busy, but not as bad as Remus
thought it would be, which made him feel a little more at ease.
“You want to give it a go?” Sirius asked after a little bit.
Remus sputtered. “Er. I mean…what? How?”
“Well I’ll give you a quick lesson, then you can give it a go. See if you can follow the steps.”
When Remus hesitated, Sirius poked him in the side. “Jamie does it all the time. Even wears a
blindfold. He’s actually got quite good at getting across streets not being able to see.”
“Well I mean…well he would, wouldn’t he?” Remus said, feeling a bit silly. “He’s working on
this with you, he should test the product.”
“You scared?” Sirius asked.
Remus huffed. “No. I just…I’m afraid I’ll look foolish.”
“Ah well, not to me you won’t. And I’ll guide you.”
Remus swallowed, but figured he could at least give it a try. Only seemed right. “Okay. Yeah.
Let’s have it.”
Sirius beamed as he pulled the earbud from his ear, then took Remus’ hand. He pressed the cane
into it, Remus’ fingers closing reflexively round the rubber grip, and he flinched a bit when Sirius
pushed the earbud into his ear. A soft voice chirped that the path would curve to the left in one-
hundred metres.
“Is it talking?”
“Yeah,” Remus said, pushing it deeper into his ear. “It’s telling me about the curve in the path.”
“Excellent. That’s excellent. Do you see a curve?”
Remus squinted, then said, “Yeah I do. Exactly as it said.”
“Brilliant.” Sirius then stepped up behind him, curving one hand round Remus’ waist, the other
gripping Remus’ hand holding the cane. “Alright you just,” he began to move Remus’ hand,
curving the cane into a small arc. “Don’t push it to the ground too hard or it’ll catch and you’ll fall
on your face. Just use a small arc, just where you’d be walking. And keep your eyes closed. No
cheating.”
“I won’t,” Remus said solemnly, meaning it. Sirius didn’t have the option of cheating, so it was
the least he could do. “I’m going to look like a daft…”
“No,” Sirius interrupted. “Or if someone thinks you do, fuck them. Who cares.”
Remus pursed his lips, but he’d spent several years being determined not to think about what the
rest of the world thought of him. Of knowing he was valid no matter what anyone else said. And
it applied right now as well. He took a breath. “I certainly don’t.”
“Good man,” Sirius breathed into his ear. “Would you like a kiss for good luck?”
Remus laughed, “God yes.”
Sirius rewarded him with one, holding him by the cheek for a moment. “Okay off you get. Just
don’t panic. You don’t have to go as far as the curve. I’m going to stand right here.”
Remus licked his lips, then jammed his eyes tight shut and began. It was probably the strangest
he’d ever felt, honestly. He couldn’t tell if he was walking in a straight line, or what was around
him, or where he was going. He trusted the cane to help him not fall over sticks or run into people,
but the rest was trusting his instincts and he felt his stomach bubble with panic. After a moment,
the earbud chirped a warning that he was straying from the path, but before he could correct
himself the cane caught on the edge of a dirt mound and he toppled over.
There was a slight chuckle as he righted himself and Sirius crowed, “I heard that!”
“Fuck off,” Remus said, but he opened his eyes, calling an end to his pathetic attempt and realised
he’d only gone a few feet away from Sirius. “Oh my god, I thought I’d walked for ages.”
Sirius snickered a little, taking a few tentative steps forward with his hand out. Remus quickly
grabbed him, passing back the cane and the earpiece. “I rather enjoyed Jamie’s struggle when he
first started. He was obsessed with it back at school, you know. He’d spend days banging round
with a tie over his eyes like a fucking git, but…”
“It was endearing?” Remus offered.
“Well we were best friends for a reason,” Sirius said, his voice going soft and fond. “I love him.”
“I can tell.” Remus let his hand trail down to twin with Sirius’.
“Anyway the arrogant arse is convinced now he’s better at being blind than I am. And I’m
convinced he’s halfway there because he really can’t see shit without his glasses. It’s rather
pathetic.”
Remus rolled his eyes as they went back on their way down the path. “Well compared to me, I’m
sure he’s brilliant.”
“You’re welcome to keep at it,” Sirius offered with a slight laugh.
Remus nudged him in the ribs. “Or, we can turn back and head toward that delicious food you
promised.”
Sirius grinned. “Or we can absolutely do that.”
***
The finished with their lunch early, heading back to the flat to enjoy the rest of the day before
Remus had to get off to work. Sirius couldn’t believe how much he wanted to be around Remus.
It was physical, almost desperate the way he craved his touch. He’d had a few relationships, had
even fallen in love before, but it hadn’t been like this.
He was only profoundly grateful Remus seemed to feel the same way. He’d worried there would
be awkwardness or discomfort in the morning, but they’d fallen to a comfortable routine like
they’d known each other forever. Bit like it had been with James at school.
He’s met him on the train to their school. He’d been subjected to a few of his awful cousins who
were taking the piss and enjoying hiding his things. James had stepped in, but in a way that didn’t
make Sirius feel helpless. It was the first fist-fight he’d been in, and he came away with a bloodied
nose and pride that no one could take away from him. It ended in a friendship he wouldn’t give up
for anything.
And it felt much the same with Remus. When he’d told off the pizza delivery person for the
money, he’d done it in a way that said he understood what it was like for people to take
advantage, not because he felt sorry for Sirius, or assumed Sirius couldn’t get on by himself.
The sex, of course, also helped. Sirius had wondered if there would be a difference, if there would
be apprehension because Remus didn’t have a cock. But nothing seemed different about it at all.
He’d made love to his boyfriend, and he felt satisfied in a way he never had before.
“Sirius?” Remus’ voice piped up as they were sat on the sofa, the telly on in the background.
“Hmm?” Sirius had his fingers in Remus’ hair, playing with his curls, and he began to stroke
along his scalp.
“Do you ever speak to any of your family?”
Sirius stiffened, but let out a slow, deliberate breath. “No, not really. My parents stopped talking to
me after the disinherited me. My brother still sees them. He and I get on okay. He’s a fucking twat
but I love him. Though I have a really good cousin, Andromeda. She’s like me, cast-out of the
family for marrying beneath her. Barmy fuckers.”
“Andromeda,” Remus mused. “So your whole family was named after stars? Not just you and
your brother?”
Sirius laughed. “All but my cousin Narcissa. But yeah there’s Regulus, Orion, Bellatrix,
Andromeda. And me.”
“You’re the brightest one, you know,” Remus said. He turned his head to press his mouth against
Sirius’ neck.
“So I’ve been told.”
Remus ghosted his hands up Sirius’ shirt, splaying across his belly. “I don’t just mean your star.”
His voice was soft and low, careful as he spoke against Sirius’ warm skin. “Everything about you
is so bright.”
Sirius swallowed, feeling his breath catch in his throat again and he felt his heart twist hard in his
chest. Oh he knew what this feeling was. He could count how long he’d known Remus in hours,
and yet he knew. But he didn’t say it yet. Instead he let his hands capture Remus by the chin,
tilting his head up for a gentle kiss. His tongue slid in, warm and soft against Remus’ as he learnt
the inside of his mouth with careful precision. “You are fucking lovely, Remus Lupin.”
Remus grinned against his lips as he pressed his hand harder against Sirius’ belly. “So are you.
I’m glad your sink broke.”
“I’d suffer a thousand broken sinks if it meant you walked into my life.”
Remus hummed against him and buried his face back in Sirius’ neck, both contented to sit there
until time forced them to part.
“You’ll come back later, yeah?” Sirius begged as Remus stood at the door, ready to leave for his
shift. “Back to mine?”
“I will. And how about I pick up food on the way?”
“No. I wanted to cook for you,” Sirius said, taking his hand. “I’m actually fairly decent.”
He could hear Remus’ grin when he spoke. “Alright. I’ll take it. Text me in a bit, okay.”
Sirius tugged him in for a final kiss. “I miss you already, and I don’t care how sappy and
ridiculous that makes me sound.”
“Only as sappy and ridiculous as I am.”
Then he was gone, and Sirius flung himself on the sofa, picking up his mobile to ring James.
“Help. You have to help me.”
James sighed. “Are you being dramatic, or is it necessary that I start panicking?”
“I think I’m falling in love with him.”
“Christ,” James breathed. “I was about to get a blow job, Sirius. This couldn’t have waited?”
“Oy!” shouted Lily’s voice from the other end, but it wasn’t too upset as she was well used to
Sirius’ antics by now.
“Fine, ring me back later, you depraved heterosexual. I miss your face.”
“No you don’t. You’re just bored because your boyfriend is at work. Is he now? Officially?”
“Yes,” Sirius said, his face breaking out into a grin. “And I aim to keep him that way, so don’t be
rude.”
“Like I’m ever. Goodbye, fuckface.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too,” then James was off, leaving Sirius to his thoughts of a future and fantasy with
Remus Lupin.
Chapter 5
Chapter Notes
The final chapter. It doesn't have much of a plot, just sort of tidying up and
establishing the wolfstar relationship. Fluff and etc. Hopefully it's not too shit. xx
Also Metaplanetary is a real book by Tony Daniel and is very good if you like sci-fi.
But it's not actually available in braille--which is a pity as I think all books should be.
Remus had just sat down to get some revising done when there was an almost frantic knocking on
his door. Having a feeling it was his over-excitable boyfriend, he rose carefully and went to greet
him. He was not disappointed at all.
“Sirius.” Remus gave him a quick up and down. Sirius was in leggings and a loose, off the
shoulder t-shirt, his hair a bit of a mess, a smear of lip gloss just under his bottom lip, and his cane
clutched loosely in one hand. “Are you alright?”
“James and Lily are rowing. Mind if I erm…impose myself upon your sofa or bed or…literally
anything other than be at mine.”
Remus laughed, taking Sirius’ hand and pulling him through the door. “I was just revising, so I
might be boring.”
“I can live with it.” Sirius’ hand travelled up Remus’ arm a bit, his fingers stroking along Remus’
jumper. “You don’t have a spare, do you? I'm a bit cold and left mine.”
“What, jumper?” Remus snorted. “They're all I own, love. Come on.”
Sirius threaded his fingers through Remus’ and allowed himself to be pulled back to his bedroom.
“Oh this is a first, you know. We’ve been going out three whole days and I’ve not been in here.”
Remus’ eyes widened as he opened his bedroom door. “Shit. I didn’t realise.”
“Well, we were taking advantage of the flat all to ourselves,” Sirius pointed out, letting his hand
trail up to Remus’ shoulder and pulling him in to place a hot kiss to the back of his neck.
Remus shivered, smiling as he carefully stepped inside. “I’m erm…fuck, I’m a bit untidy.” He
wasn’t as bad as some, but definitely would need to learn better habits if he was going to have his
blind boyfriend around more often. He had piles of clothes laying about, books everywhere, tea
cups on nearly every surface, and did his best to explain all that to a grinning Sirius. “Sit on the
bed, okay? And I’ll clean up the floor.”
“I’d say don’t go to all the trouble, but I’d like to learn my way round without breaking my neck,”
Sirius said as he found the bed and sat.
Remus huffed, shoving all his clothes up against the wall near the wardrobe, and hurried to take
out most of the tea cups. He stacked his books without care on whatever shelf had room, then
looked round. “Well, that’ll do.”
Sirius grinned. “Now, about that jumper, or shall I just burrow under your covers?”
“No you can help yourself, of course,” Remus said.
“Just point me,” Sirius said, getting up and followed Remus’ directions to the wardrobe whilst
Remus got settled on the bed to continue his revising.
“Top drawer, love,” Remus said absently, opening his book. He didn’t look up, but heard Sirius
rummaging round, then there was a loud thump. A pause, then a slight humming sound. Remus
looked up to see a curious-faced Sirius twisting something in his hands.
“Moony, what am I holding?”
Remus shifted, then his face went a bit pink. “Oh bollocks. That’s erm. My packer.”
Sirius ran his fingers over it curiously. “So…your cock? I’m holding your cock?”
That startled a laugh out of Remus who shifted to the end of the bed. “Yeah. I might have
forgotten I put it in there.”
Sirius examined it another moment, then set it back down. “Well listen, I got your cock in my
hands without getting your trousers off first. If that’s not talent, I don’t know what is.”
“Christ,” Remus muttered, but he was grinning.
“Was that rude?”
Rolling his eyes, Remus stood up and walked over to Sirius, putting his hands carefully on his
boyfriend’s hips. “Probably, but honestly, are you really worried about it?”
Sirius turned in Remus’ arms, his hands coming up to Remus’ shoulders and squeezed. “I can
have tact, you know. I don’t want to cross any lines.”
Remus drew a finger under Sirius’ lip where the gloss had smeared, tidying it up a bit. “You
haven’t. I promise. You can ask me anything, I don’t mind.”
Sirius smiled as he pulled Remus in even tighter. “Can I…” He furrowed his brow in thought, a
mischievous grin playing at his lips. “Can I distract you from your revising?”
Remus gave an over-exaggerated sigh as he reached up to cup Sirius’ cheeks. “But you might put
me behind, Sirius. Then what shall I do?”
Sirius hummed behind his smile, pulling Remus in even tighter. His hand went up, his thumb
brushing against Remus’ lips before dipping his head down. His tongue slid into Remus’ mouth,
hot and demanding, and Remus barely restrained his moan as he pushed his chest against Sirius’.
“I reckon I might be convinced,” Remus breathed against Sirius’ mouth.
Sirius grinned. “How very excellent.”
***
A bit sweaty, and extremely sated, Remus laid back on his bed whilst Sirius finally got up for the
forgotten jumper. He made better work of going through Remus’ things, finally pulling out one of
his softest. “Colour?”
“Bit of a greyish,” Remus said lazily as he pulled one of his books over. “It’ll look nice.”
“Nice and swotty, like you?” Sirius asked. He pulled it on, laughing when it hung down to his
knees, and Remus couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by how cute Sirius looked in only the
jumper and socks. His long hair was in disarray, barely clinging to the tie that was once holding it
into a bun, and his cheeks were flushed pink. He looked thoroughly shagged, much like Remus
felt.
“So, when do you want to venture over back to yours?” Remus asked as Sirius settled himself
back into the blankets.
“Anxious to be rid of me?” Sirius challenged, letting one of his fingers trail up Remus’ naked side.
“No, but aren’t you worried about them? Rowing like that?”
Sirius laid his head against Remus’ side and took a breath. “They’re hot tempered, both of them. I
mean, it sounded a bit serious but they’ve been together for ages, you know? I doubt it’ll be
anything…well…bad.”
Remus worried his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment, deciding he wasn’t going to be able
to focus on his revising, so he shoved his book back onto the table and took Sirius more firmly
into his arms. “I was thinking I ought to tell them.”
Sirius hummed sleepily. “Tell them?”
“About me. That I’m trans.”
“Oh.” Sirius let his fingers ghost along Remus’ soft belly, his thumb dipping into Remus’ navel
for a second as he felt round the dips and curves of his skin. “Alright, if you want. You know they
won’t care, right?”
“I know but…I feel like I ought to say something, so they’re not making assumptions. I know it
can be stressful.” Remus paused a moment, letting his hand play with a few loose strands of
Sirius’ hair. “Did you have any idea when we first met?”
Sirius snuffled a laugh as he mouthed along Remus’ side. “No,” he said against his skin. “But then
again, we had spoken for all of what, five minutes? Before you told me.”
“True.” Remus closed his eyes and let himself bask in the feeling of being near Sirius. “Either
way, I think I ought to. They’re a good sort.”
“They are. I love them both more than anything in the world,” Sirius replied, nuzzling closer. He
was silent for another few moments. “Moons, do you ever wear your packer?”
Remus smiled, grateful Sirius was actually in a place of comfort to ask questions without being
afraid. “No. I used to, but I was experiencing a lot of dysphoria after I bought it, and it took me a
long time to work out why.”
“And did you?” Sirius asked. Remus nodded, and after a second, Sirius turned his head up. “Did
you just nod?”
Remus flushed. “Shit. Yes, sorry.”
Sirius chuckled. “S’alright, love.”
Remus reached over and pulled the tie from Sirius’ hair, letting his hands card through the silky
strands. “I like having it, you know? So if I ever feel like I want to wear it, I have the option. But I
realised I was trying to reconcile gender with body parts, and it was causing me a lot of stress.
Peter was the one who helped me find a therapist—a trans woman—and she helped me
understand what I was feeling.”
“Do you ever feel…what’s the word? Dysphoric?”
“Sometimes,” Remus admitted. “Not as often as I did. I’m rather proud of who I am, and I don’t
think my vagina makes me less of a man.”
Sirius hummed, pressing a few kisses to his side. “Because it doesn’t.”
Remus smiled and continued to hold Sirius a little longer, until a buzzing sound interrupted them.
A tinny voice announced, “Prongs!” and Sirius startled.
“Buggering fuck. Can you reach that for me, love?”
Remus wriggled away from Sirius’ arms, digging into Sirius’ discarded pile of clothes until he
found the mobile tucked inside his shirt. He handed it over, and Sirius pushed a few buttons on the
screen until a voice read out the text. ‘You can come back. All sorted.’
Sirius let out a sigh. “You want to come with? Or want to revise more?”
Remus knew he should choose revising, but looking at Sirius’ hopeful face, he knew it was a
losing battle. “Fine,” he said with a small breath. “It might be a decent time to tell them, anyway.
But I can’t stay the night. I have to get at least a few chapters done tonight.”
“Deal. Just have tea with us, and a few more snuggles. I reckon we’re well shagged enough to last
until tomorrow at least.”
Remus rolled his eyes, but let Sirius pull him from the bed so he could get dressed. “You want to
keep that for the night?”
Sirius frowned, then ran his hand up and down the sleeve. “Oh. Well, if you wouldn’t mind? I
mean, they’re used to seeing me in less, anyway.”
Remus snorted as Sirius found his cane, and together they headed across the hall over to the other
flat where Lily and James were sat on the sofa. Both of them looked weary, but not displeased to
see Remus with Sirius, and they even beckoned them to sit.
“Alright, boys?” Lily asked as the couple got comfortable on the free end of the sofa.
“Yeah. You two? That was a bloody fantastic row. Care to share with the class?” Sirius
demanded.
James huffed, and Remus could see that he wasn’t keen on talking about it just yet. So he quickly
cut in. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you, if you don’t mind.”
James and Lily both looked a bit relieved, and James gave Remus the go-ahead nod. “Course,
mate. What’s up?”
Remus sucked in a breath. Though logically he knew both James and Lily would probably be
alright with it, and that they wouldn’t look at him different or treat him different, he was nervous.
Because with things like this, there were never guarantees. Sometimes people had no idea they
were bothered until it was in their faces. He licked is lips, and felt Sirius’ arm snake round him,
holding him tight.
“Well.” He cleared his throat and did his best to meet James’ eyes, then Lily’s. “Well, I thought
you both should know I’m trans.”
There. He’d said it.
James looked momentarily startled, though Lily’s face hadn’t changed much. She nodded though,
and James looked like he was working out what to say. “Alright,” he finally said. “I mean of
course we support you, you know. Have you…I mean. Well, what should we call you?”
Remus frowned. “Er. Remus is fine.”
“Right of course. I mean, no need to rush. But you know whenever you’re ready, you can tell us
and we’ll immediately support you. And I hope Sirius isn’t being a fucking git about it because…”
Remus was confused, and Lily was pinching the bridge of her nose, looking like she wanted to
punch James. Sirius, who was still holding Remus, leant forward. “You fucking git. He’s a trans
man. You are so thick sometimes.”
James’ eyebrows flew almost to his hairline. “Oh. Christ, I am thick. I’m sorry, Moony!”
Remus laughed, feeling a bit startled, but shook his head. “No it’s fine. I just thought you two
should know. In case it ever comes up.” He held his breath a bit, waiting to see if any of the
inevitable, awful questions would come.
Instead Lily took a breath and said, “Well we might as well tell you ours. And Sirius, we’re going
to ask you to keep yourself under control.”
Sirius stiffened behind Remus and held on even tighter. “Why? What’s happening? Jamie, what
the hell have you done?”
“This one isn’t entirely me,” James defended, crossing his arms.
Remus looked between them curiously, relieved for the subject change, but a little apprehensive
about what either of them was about to say.
Lily took a breath. “I’m pregnant. Three months gone now.”
Sirius was frozen, then he sat up stiffly and put his hand on Remus’ shoulder. “Sorry? You’re
what?”
“Pregnant,” Lily said. “Three months gone. Don’t make me say it again, you arse.”
Sirius swallowed audibly, then sat back. “Well fuck. Fucking fuck. Are you keeping it?”
“Yes,” James said. “Although we’re not getting married. Apparently.”
“Christ, that was the row,” Sirius muttered. “James, you didn’t even want to get bloody married.
Don’t tell me you’re going to be a fucking twat about it now. You don’t need to be married to
have a baby.”
“I…” James breathed for a second. “I know that. And I’m trying to be reasonable. But damn it, I
was going to propose anyway over the weekend. Then this came up.”
Licking his lips, Remus shifted a bit. “Maybe I should go. I mean you probably want to discuss
this amongst the three of you and…”
“What?” James demanded. “Don’t be daft, Moony. You’re dating Sirius, you’re absolutely part of
“What?” James demanded. “Don’t be daft, Moony. You’re dating Sirius, you’re absolutely part of
our fucked up little family here.”
Remus swallowed, not sure what to think. It was intimidating to say the least, and endearing to the
point he almost wanted to cry. He’d spent many years fighting for inclusion, and he could count
the number of real friends he had on one hand. Sirius, James, and Lily included. “Well…”
“Point is, we’re having a baby,” Lily cut in. “We’re still working out the logistics, obviously. You
two need to be near the University for obvious reasons, your project isn’t even half done.”
“Which we want to get working on it before the baby actually gets here,” James cut in. “Which I
think is doable. We’ve got nearly everything sorted except the camera recognition feed, but we’re
close, I can feel it.”
“Yes, we are,” Sirius said, resuming his cuddle-like hold on Remus. “So what, you’re moving in,
Lils?”
She snorted. “I’m practically always here anyway. After the baby comes well…we’ll sort it out.
For now, that’s it and I dunno about you two, but I’m famished.”
Sirius hummed, then shrugged. “Same. Moony and I worked up an appetite.” Remus squeaked
and blushed, but no one paid him any mind. “What’s for tea?”
As James and Lily went to sort out food, Sirius cuddled back onto the sofa with Remus and held
him a little tighter than usual.
“You alright, love?” Remus asked very softly.
Sirius nodded, but buried his head in Remus’ neck. “Babies change things.”
“They do,” Remus admitted, carding his fingers through Sirius’ hair. He carefully planted a soft
kiss on Sirius’ temple. “It’ll be alright though. I promise.”
“You think?” Sirius asked, sounding a little petulant.
Remus laughed quietly. “Yeah love. You’re mad if you think James is going to forget about his
first baby.”
***
Sirius finally calmed down about the baby after a month and a half. Apart from Lily looking
somewhat bigger round her middle, nothing much changed. They agreed to stay in the boys’ flat,
and Remus offered Sirius sanctuary at his if the crying became too much. Honestly they traded off
so often in each other’s beds, Remus and Sirius reckoned there wouldn’t be much difference
anyway.
The good news for them was their project was coming together, and after two long months, they
had a decent working prototype they would submit for grant funding. Sirius was overly excited
about the prospect, not just for accessibility for himself, but knowing that all the years he struggled
as a kid could be avoided if they could get a decent product onto the market at affordable rates.
He was trying out the last of it now, which would hopefully who him the glitches in the video
recognition were all sorted. He knew Remus was at the café, so he slipped the device onto his
cane, put the earpiece on, and headed out the door.
Instantly the voice chirped the level of traffic, and any obstacles in his way. He pushed the button,
said the name of the café, and the voice let him know how many steps until he reached the door.
So far so good, he reasoned.
It alerted him to people and objects in his path, if he veered off course which he did twice on
purpose to see if it would catch the shift in direction, and then let him know they were at the
doors. He opened it and stepped inside, and the voice let him know there was a counter, and two
people behind it, and one person in a queue in front of him.
Overly pleased, he was grinning as he approached for his turn. “Well hello there,” he said when a
voice asked how he could be helped. “I was hoping that an adorable man with curly hair who
goes by the name Remus was available?”
There was a pause, then the sneering voice said, “Sorry, we have no men fitting that description
working here.”
Something snapped in Sirius, knowing this was likely Snape—the git who’d tripped Remus and
got coffee spilt all over Sirius legs. Abandoning the cane to the counter, Sirius’ hand darted out,
and with surprising precision, he managed to fist his fingers in the front of Snape’s shirt.
He gave him a good, hard tug right into the counter, and smirked when he heard Snape lose his
breath. “I will not tolerate you speaking about my boyfriend like that, do you hear me? You might
be able to embarrass him when you think no one can get at you, but believe me for a blind man,
I’ve very good aim. With my fists.”
“Problem?” came a woman’s voice from beside Snape.
Sirius didn’t let go. “Oh no, it’s fine. Just handling a little situation here. Apparently your
employee seems to think that it’s a good laugh to misgender your other employees.”
There was a small sigh. “Snape, go do inventory.”
Sirius reluctantly let the git to, and heard his feet stomping across the tiles as he moved away.
When it was clear he was gone, Sirius attempted to fix her with a glower. “You know, that’s
discrimination. It shouldn’t be allowed.”
“I know. We’ve had many talks with him.”
“He needs a good sacking. And maybe a decent arse-kicking as well. I could volunteer for that
one.”
She snickered. “You’re Remus’ boyfriend, right?”
Sirius grinned. “Yes. Is he here?”
“Let me go fetch him.”
A few moments later, Sirius heard two sets of feet, and Remus’ familiar voice. “Did you just
attack Snape?”
Sirius scoffed. “Of all fucking things. He tried to misgender you and I told him I wouldn’t tolerate
it.”
There was a pause, then Remus leant forward across the counter. “I know you mean well, love,
but…”
“No,” Sirius said fiercely. “Look, I’m not going to fight your battles, Re. I’m not going to fight the
bigoted world on your behalf and be some rubbish cis saviour. But I’m also not going to let some
fucking twat insult my boyfriend to my face. Also your boss apparently didn’t have any issue with
it. Though I can’t for the life of me work out why that arsehole is still employed here.”
“Favour from the owner,” Remus said, sounding miserable. But he no longer sounded cross.
“And I know you mean well.”
“Don’t ask me to listen to it and say nothing,” Sirius said. “Please.”
Remus reached over and cupped Sirius’ cheek. “I won’t.”
With a breath of relief, Sirius nuzzled into his palm. “Good. In other news, my device worked
bloody perfectly. James and I are going to try it out later when he’s back from Lily’s appointment,
and if everything goes well, we get to submit the project this week.”
Remus swiftly moved round the counter to embrace him, pressing a kiss to the corner of his
mouth. “Congratulations, love. You deserve it.”
Sirius grinned and held him tighter. “You’re the best, Moons.”
Remus nuzzled his cheek. “No. You are.”
***
Remus was in the back room at the library, staring at the small stack of braille books sat on the
table. Benjy was in the doorway, leaning against the frame, his arms crossed. “Problem, Lupin?”
Remus worried his bottom lip between his teeth. “I’ve been told to pull these from the shelves as
they’ve not been checked out by anyone in ages and erm…” He stared down at the four volumes
of the book he’d read up on.
“What book? The one on the table,” Benjy said slowly, “was reported missing months ago.”
Remus blinked at him. “Er.”
“I heard about the grant,” Benjy said with a grin. “Tell him I said congratulations.”
Remus felt his heart swell as he put the volumes into his pack and cleared out of the library for the
day.
He knew James and Sirius wouldn’t be back until later, sorting out what they’d need to meet with
the investors now that they’d won the grant and would be moving forward with their project. Lily
was seven months gone to the pregnancy now, which meant she was preparing for the birth of the
sprog. Remus was preparing himself to finish his dissertation, and his last term with lectures. Then
it would be some attempt to find a job somewhere he wouldn’t have to deal with fighting people
on his gender.
It honestly sounded like a losing battle, but the rest of his life felt so good, he couldn’t get too
down about his prospects.
Knocking on the door, he grinned when Lily answered. “How long til they get in?”
“Hopefully not before my food delivery. I’ve got James’ favourite Moroccan—and thanks by the
way, for turning him on to that. I swear this baby’s going to come out half artichoke and
couscous.”
Remus snorted. “I apologise for nothing. How are you feeling, though?”
“Like a bloody manatee. Only less cute.” She brushed hair back from her forehead and groaned as
she rubbed at her back. As she did, Remus caught his eyes wandering to the swell of her belly,
and wondered if that would be him one day.
As though she’d read his mind, Lily touched his shoulder. “Can I ask you something personal?”
Remus had a feeling what it was, so he beat her to the punch. “I still have my uterus and ovaries.”
She flushed a little with her smile. “D’you ever think you’d want one? Ever want to be a dad?”
Remus shrugged as he heaved the impossibly heavy pack onto a chair, rubbing his sore shoulder.
“Maybe. Dunno if Sirius would be interested in something like that. Hell we haven’t even said I
love you yet, you know?”
“Actually I didn’t know,” Lily said as she reached down for her sparkling water. She took a small
sip and sighed. “He’s mad for you. And you for him. If you’re holding back, well I don’t see
why.”
Remus shrugged. He’d thought it. He’d been thinking it since their first date, in fact, but he’d not
been able to bring himself to say it first. The fear of rejection was too profound, and he was
smitten by Sirius to the point of near insanity, it felt like. “Just how it is. I never want to assume.”
“Which is why you’re so lovely.” She swooped down and kissed his cheek. “Either way, I think
you two would make adorable parents. You could even pose for one of those new, trendy gay-
dads ads they’ve got all over the place. Then watch as all the bigots threaten to boycott the shops.
Oh, do it before the holidays so I’ll be able to shop in peace.”
Remus rolled his eyes, but smiled. “You’re horrible.”
She grinned, toothy and wide. “I know.”
Just then the food arrived, and Remus headed to Sirius’ room to set up his gift. It wasn’t much, he
had very little funds and Sirius was difficult to shop for. But the book in question was one Sirius
had mentioned in the past. It was called Metaplanetary, and it was right up his alley. But all the
braille editions had been out of print for years, and when Remus looked into the cost of braille
volumes, he was terrified at the cost.
It had been sheer luck when he realised that not only did their library carry it, but that he was
being asked to retire it from the shelves.
Benjy had done good work listing it as lost months before.
Setting the volumes on the bed, Remus ventured out to find Lily placing the food out on the table.
There was a small chocolate cake with the words congratulations spelt across the top, and both
James’ and Sirius’ favourite beers.
“Just got a text from James. Said the meeting went very well, and they’ll be home in…”
The door opened and Sirius swaggered in. “I hope my delicious Moonbeam is waiting here for me
with bated breath.”
Remus rolled his eyes. “Where the hell else would I be?”
Sirius beckoned him over, kissing him the moment he got his hands on Remus. “Excellent,” he
breathed against Remus’ neck. “Missed you all day, you know that?”
Remus hummed. “So did I. I have something for you later.”
Sirius waggled his brows. “Oh? Is it naked something?”
“That’s after,” Remus promised.
James arrived a moment later with their paperwork, abandoning it to first kiss his pregnant
girlfriend, then to press a small kiss to Remus’ cheek. “Thank god you’re here. Where’s Pete?”
“He’s working late, but he’s going to be by later and begged you to save him a piece of cake.”
“Is it chocolate?” Sirius demanded.
“Course,” Lily replied.
“Then tell that late wanker I make no promises!”
***
Hours later, Peter did arrive with one small sliver of the cake, and a few bits of the supper left for
him to eat. They drank a bit more, everyone excitedly listening to the next steps for James and
Sirius’ project. Sirius kept his arms round Remus the entire time, and as it was approaching
midnight, he told everyone in so many words to, “Fuck off, we’re going to be busy.”
James and Lily decided to head back to hers, as she was packing up the last of her things for the
official move, and Peter was meeting Dori in the morning, so put himself to bed. With careful
hands, Sirius pulled Remus back to the bedroom and the moment the door was shut, pressed
against him, mouth to mouth.
“Love,” Remus said, pushing him away a bit. “I wanted to give you something first.”
Sirius groaned, but let Remus pull away and take his hand instead. They moved to Sirius’ bed,
and Remus took a breath before pushing the first of the volumes into his hands. “What…?” Sirius
began, but his fingers carefully ghosted over the cover, and found the title. His lips curved round
the words, and his eyes went wide. “You’re shitting me.”
Remus felt his body flush with pride at getting it right. “Well erm…we had a spare copy that
Benjy helped me er…” He gave a small cough. “Procure.”
“Procure?” Sirius asked with a smirk. “You dirty thief.”
Remus snickered. “Well not technically. Technically the copy was lost.”
Sirius’ opened the book to a random page, his fingers reading the first few lines. Remus was
mesmerised by the way he moved so rapidly over the bumps, and by the way Sirius then shoved
the book off his lap and pounced on Remus’ pushing him down onto his back. He dipped his head
and captured Remus’ mouth in a fierce kiss.
“Fuck. You’re the best, Moons. I…you just…” He closed his eyes and growled in frustration.
“Oh piss it, Remus. I fucking love you. I love you, I’m in love with you.”
Remus had known it, deep down. Had known Sirius loved him just as much. Lily had said. And
he believed her. But to hear it now… He grabbed Sirius by his face and brought him down for a
hot, wet, needy kiss. “Thank god, because Sirius Black, I love you so much.”
Sirius beamed at him, then dropped his face into Remus’ neck. “Do you really?”
Remus squeezed him tight. “Yes, yes I do. More than I can say with words.”
Leaning up and giving Remus a wolfish grin, he said, “Then maybe you can show me.”
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