-- Chapter 10 - Falling part 1 --

The lone figure entering the imposing gates of Cross Academy moved slowly. His steps were halting, almost dragging, and the broad shoulders beneath the long black leather jacket were slumped as he walked up the hill to the main school buildings.

His numbed mind refused to think anymore. Each movement, every step was now autonomous. It was a good thing that he didn’t encounter any of the Day Class girls on the way to his room because their fear of him would have morphed straight into curiosity at the sight of Zero Kiriyu, silent, bad tempered and intimidating School Guardian with the steely glare, looking as though he didn’t have enough strength to swat a fly. In any case, it wasn’t quite time for the class changeover yet.

He reached his room without knowing how he’d gotten there and shed his jacket, letting it fall carelessly on the floor and grabbed his towel before trailing to the bathroom for a much needed hot shower.

An hour later, Yuuki huffed as she paced up and down the corridor for the dozenth time, holding her towel and a set of clean clothes under one arm, still dressed in her white school shirt and black skirt. She’d never known Zero to take so long to shower, it was normally a five minute affair, sometimes even less. But even after twenty minutes of waiting, she could still hear the shower water running at full blast.

Finally giving up, she tapped sharply on the opaque glass panel. “Zero!” she called. “Hey, are you done or not? I need to shower too, you know…” She wasn’t in a good mood especially after having to single-handedly hold back the screaming Day Class schoolgirls as the elite Night Class vampires walked out of the Moon Dorm grounds to class, while Zero got off scot-free, hunting a stray Level E vampire that had fallen to madness.

Well, OK, not scot-free… she was still haunted by the near attack of the Level E vampire they had encountered a couple of months back, the one Zero had killed. She on the other hand, couldn’t imagine actually killing anybody, human or vampire, sane or otherwise… But she’d promised Zero she would one day… when – NO. If, IF that fateful day ever came.

Lost in her thoughts, Yuuki bent forward and leaned her forehead on the bathroom door. Hot tears pricked at the back of her eyes and she shut her eyes tightly to stop them from falling. Pull yourself together, Yuuki… she muttered to herself. What would Zero think of her, always shedding tears like a baby…

Taking a deep breath, she prayed that day would never come… even though she knew it would. It was so unfair. Life was unfair. Zero had everything to live for. He came from a proud family of vampire hunters… his grades were good… in fact, he seemed to be good at everything he tried his hand at. And he was a good person on the inside as well… he was honest, caring, fair and even generous with his time for her.

In fact, what would her life be without Zero by her side? It was something she couldn’t even imagine. He’d come into her life when she was eleven years old and had been a part of it ever since. He’d become a very close friend to her, in many ways, closer even than Yori. He was like an older brother to her, except for the occasions when she sometimes felt she was the older one. And she knew Zero like no one else did. She knew the person he was on the inside, the torment and fears he lived through each day, the hurting person he was behind that bad temper and angry stare. He was opening up more and more to her each time and in her presence he could be breathtakingly gentle, unbelievably tender, exasperatingly irritating and even laugh out loud funny at times.

Yuuki suddenly realised she was still leaning her head on the door, a rather silly position to be in if she didn’t want to end up pitching forward and getting a bump on her forehead should the door open suddenly.

Sighing, she straightened up and knocked on the door again. Louder. There was still no answer. “Zero? Can you hear me?” she called louder.

Still no answer. Sighing resignedly, Yuuki twisted the doorknob. As expected, it was unlocked and she peeped cautiously around it. She was surprised to see Zero sitting on the floor in the enclosed shower stall, leaning against the tiled wall, one arm carelessly resting on a bent knee, completely naked as water from the shower head continued to rain down on him within the glass enclosure.

Yuuki paused for a moment. “Zero?” she asked uncertainly. She couldn’t tell if his eyes were opened or not as he was staring down at the floor but something about the despondent set of those broad shoulders…

She let the bathroom door close behind her as she walked tentatively to the shower cubicle. Zero looked up then and there was pure and utter despair drawn sharply in his pale features. “No, not you, Yuuki…please not you….” he said. The words were somewhat muffled and Yuuki’s eyebrows shot up. “What are you talking about, Zero?” she asked. She pulled on the chrome handle of the glass door, getting one sleeve of her school shirt wet as she reached in and twisted the tap, shutting off the water.

“Zero?” she said again in the sudden silence. He shuddered and blinked, seeming to see her for the first time. He looked around, then down at himself, chagrined to find himself completely naked with Yuuki standing in front of him.

“You’ve been in here ages…” she said by way of explanation, breaking off in concern as Zero suddenly buried his face in his hands, shaking uncontrollably. Yuuki stepped into the cubicle and knelt down in front of him on the wet floor. “Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked softly.

Not getting any reply, Yuuki assumed he’d completed his shower – she couldn’t see any soapsuds on his body. She reached up to drag his towel off from the top of the glass door and started to wipe his hair.

“Let’s get you dried off, OK?” she asked, reverting to the gentle coaxing tone she’d used many years ago when Zero had first come to stay with her and Chairman Cross, a quiet and withdrawn boy who hardly spoke.

Yuuki skimmed the towel over his arms and down his chest towards his stomach and found her attention caught. She paused for a moment… a very distracted part of her mind registering the fact that the Zero sitting in front of her now was a lot more – manly - than the Zero of four years ago that she’d helped to bathe and dress during the first week he’d come to stay with them.

But even after she’d half dried his hair, there was still water dripping onto his chest. Only… it wasn’t water from his hair. Yuuki placed gentle fingers under Zero’s chin, tilting it up to face her. Her heart twisted at the silent tears running down his pale cheeks.

“Oh, Zero…” she murmured, “C’mon, get up, you need to help me here…” she pulled him up as much as she could, almost slipping on the wet floor. Staring fixedly at a particular tile on the floor, she wrapped the towel around his lean waist, tucked in the corner and pulled him out of the bathroom to his room. He followed her, unresisting.

Yuuki locked his room door behind them. Zero was trembling violently now but there was still that eerie silence as she pulled him to the bed. He dropped down on it, hunched, staring down at the floor as silent tears continued to fall down his cheeks onto his towel-clad lap.

Yuuki sat beside him, grasping his shoulders in her small hands to turn him towards her. “Zero, what’s wrong?” she asked, tears filling her own eyes, she could practically feel his pain tearing at her heart but she didn’t know why.

“Please tell me… did something happen?” she asked.

Slowly, Zero looked up at her. Pain glimmered in those tortured amethyst eyes. “Yes…” he finally whispered before his face crumpled up. He threw his arms around her suddenly, knocking her back against the pillows. Her shriek was muffled in his bare shoulder as her head hit the pillows, her arms tightening around him instinctively as she fell backwards. Zero buried his face in her shirt front, his chest heaving against her hips as he tried to fight the sobs that threatened to overcome him. C’mon, get a grip… one part of his mind told him but the tears were unstoppable.

He gave in a few moments later and Yuuki lay there, stunned. This was much worse than how he’d broken down at his parents’ graves before, there was a hopeless note in the wracking sobs that was shuddering the body against hers… And it was her nightmare all over again. The hopelessness, the keening sound of agony, the fear that something could never be put right…

And there was nothing she could do now… except hold him. So she did, at the same time murmuring soft words of comfort as she stroked his hair and back, feeling her own tears sliding from her eyes down her cheeks and onto his wet hair.

He was very heavy on her and the front of her shirt was getting completely soaked with his tears, while her skirt was getting damp from the towel around his hips but she didn’t care. All that mattered now as she half lay, half sat against his pillows was the boy in her arms who was crying helplessly as though the very world was ending for him. She could hardly reconcile this person as the self-contained, expressionless, moody School Prefect with the amethyst gaze that could reduce a group of Day Class girls to tears in mere seconds.

It seemed to take forever and Yuuki was close to getting a backache before Zero finally calmed down, hiccoughing and sniffling against her wet shirt. “Yuuki…?” he said hoarsely.

“Yes…” she murmured, bending down to kiss his hair, smelling the familiar scent of his shampoo on the still damp silvery strands.

He breathed deeply a few times, his warm breath on her wet shirt before he pulled away to sit up. The beautiful amethyst eyes were red rimmed and he swiped a hand across them, grimacing as he glanced down at her. “Sorry, I’m too heavy to be lying on you like that…”

Yuuki shrugged, her eyes on him as she raised herself onto her elbow. His glance had shifted down to her shirt again, where even the lacy cups of her bra were clearly visible through the now transparent material of her wet shirt. As expected, he couldn’t seem to look away and far from being annoyed or embarrassed this time, Yuuki found her lips twitching slightly as she resisted the temptation to roll her eyes at him.

“You must be feeling better now, huh?” she said, and the somewhat dry tone pulled Zero out of his admiring contemplation to glance up at her again.

“Sorry…”

“Forget about it…”

They spoke together, then fell silent. Zero sighed and got up slowly from the bed to his desk, pulling tissues out to blow his nose. “You should change your shirt, Yuuki” he said, keeping his gaze outside his window even though they both knew he wasn’t looking at anything.

“Later…” said Yuuki impatiently. There was another silence before Zero seemed to pull himself together with a visible effort. He moved to his cupboard and drew out pyjamas and a sweater which he tossed at Yuuki. “Here, change into this at least… I won’t look.”

He didn’t wait for her reply before turning his back on her and started pulling on his clothes. Yuuki half turned away as she swiftly unbuttoned her wet shirt and shrugged it off, dropping it on the floor. Her wet bra was next then she pulled his sweater over her head and pushed her arms through the sleeves. It was way too long for her petite frame so she took off her rather damp skirt as well, since the sweater reached halfway to her knees.

Zero was already dressed but still turned away from her so she said softly “OK, I’m done…”

He turned to face her, a warm surge of pleasure welling up in him at the sight of Yuuki in his lilac sweater and seemingly nothing else, pushing the too long sleeves above her slender wrists. It was much too big for her and she looked adorable, practically swallowed up in the soft wool, its colour making her skin look rosy by comparison. It was definitely better than the best fantasy he could’ve come up with…

Zero reached absently to hook his damp towel on the hooks behind his door and didn’t even realised he’d missed and the towel was now lying on the floor. He walked over to her, holding her gaze with his own. Something about the intense look in his gaze made Yuuki catch her breath despite herself…

But when he reached the bed and lowered himself onto it, it was only to grasp her upper arms to pull her onto his lap before he wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

There was a moment of silence as Yuuki buried her face in his shoulder.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked softly.

“Of course not, silly…”

“I was too heavy…”

“Yes, you were… but I’m fine.”

A moment of silence passed.

Zero…?”

“Hmm?”

“Can you tell me what happened just now?”

He blew out his breath, wondering what to say. Yuuki’s next question took him by surprise.

“Did you kill him? That crazed vampire, I mean…?” She felt his body tense against hers.

A pause. “Yeah…”

Yuuki lifted her head from his shoulder to look at him. “And…?”

Zero swallowed, looking around his room unseeingly. A shudder shook his body as he closed his eyes, reliving the last few moments of that pathetic creature’s life. A sudden pain tore again at the left side of his neck and he winced, clapping a hand to the aching area.

Yuuki pulled his hand away then cupped her own hand over the flowered tattoo, fingers gently caressing the warm skin. Slowly, he relaxed as the pain subsided, then faded away completely.

“Tell me” Yuuki’s voice was soft despite the command. She reached up gentle hands to keep his face turned to hers, looking into his eyes.

“Oh, Yuuki…” Zero breathed softly, her compassion as always, his undoing. His anguish at the kill was clearly visible in his eyes. “What is there to say? I saw what I will be in the future… someone damned to hell, and guilty of murdering a loved one!” He broke off to shudder in anguish. “That vampire… that man… he’d just killed his own wife, back in their house, and he didn’t even know it at that time. And by the time he realised, it was too late. He’d drained her completely. He ran off… I managed to trace him from his house and I found him, in an alley on the other side of town. We fought for a while… but after I pinned him down, he begged me to kill him, to end his life. He couldn’t live with himself… so – so I killed him…”

The words spilled out in a rush, Zero’s voice trembling uncontrollably, and Yuuki gazed at him, shock mirrored in the large brown eyes. “Zero…” she murmured, tightening her arms around him.

He hugged her tightly, convulsively. “That is what I will become, Yuuki… a blood crazed creature with only his hunger driving him… a beast devoid of any human feelings… What if I hurt you one day, Yuuki? What if I actually – ” he broke off and shuddered. “I won’t be able to forgive myself for that, I can’t!” He squeezed her tightly, causing Yuuki to gasp for breath in his embrace.

Suddenly realising this, he forced his arms to loosen around her. “Sorry… I – I…”

Yuuki’s fingers pressed against his lips, silencing him. “Shhh” she whispered, tears slipping down her cheeks. “Don’t say anything more, Zero…” she begged, her own anguish showing in her eyes. “You won’t be like that, you won’t!” As much a fact as it was, it was also inconceivable that Zero would one day turn into the monster he’d just killed. “I won’t let you…” she vowed, crying despite herself.

Zero didn’t know what to say – why did he always end up hurting this gentle person whom he treasured most in the world?

“Hush…” he whispered, rocking her now. She was crying in earnest now, her sobs heartbreaking, saying over and over “I won’t let you be like that, I won’t…”

Her heartbreak triggered his own tears and before long they were clinging to each other, shedding tears, knowing it was inevitable despite what they wanted to believe.

Unable to help himself, Zero placed a hand under Yuuki’s chin and lifted her tear streaked face to his. The helpless anguish in her face reached out to him. “Yuuki…” he whispered and it was instinct that guided his lips to hers. Her soft cry was muffled against his lips and she clung to him, wanting, needing the comfort of his soft kiss.

But in seconds, the comforting kiss he’d originally intended ignited into something else. Suddenly, they had stopped crying. Suddenly, they were kissing passionately, madly… moist parted lips moved restlessly against each other, tongues met and mated, fevered hands unbuttoned, searched and stroked…

Finally they broke apart, panting for air. Yuuki looked dazed, her breaths coming in gasps as she found herself clutching at Zero’s unbuttoned shirt with one hand – had she done that? - and her other hand flat on his chest. Inside his shirt.

She raised her eyes to his. Confused and stunned chocolate met equally stunned amethyst ones hazy with desire. Zero bent forward again, needing more but Yuuki shrank back slightly and he froze. Slowly, his breathing slowed down, the cloud of desire clearing as he belatedly realised what he’d been doing. Very slowly, trying to be as nonchalant as possible, he removed his hand from under the sweater she was wearing, where it had been reverently stroking the graceful swells of flesh he’d known was there. The sweater had ridden up somewhat and Zero swallowed hard when he caught a glimpse of pale thighs.

Yuuki’s cheeks heated up even more as she felt his hand slide away from her. Dear God, she’d wanted… wanted… What had she wanted? Nothing. No, everything.

Zero shifted a little and Yuuki instinctively glanced down. Her weight on his lap pulled his pyjama pants material taut and it was pretty obvious that Zero was not unaffected by what had just happened. When she next glanced up, his cheeks were flaming as much as hers. Quickly, Yuuki released her grip on his shirt and shifted backwards, only to clutch again at his shirt when she almost fell off his lap. Zero’s hands gripped her shoulders, steadying her. They both glanced away. The silence was extremely awkward and Yuuki finally came back to her senses enough to slide off his lap and stand up on rather unsteady legs.

Not daring to look at him, she swung around and started walking to the door.

“Yuuki… don’t go.”

She paused but didn’t look back despite hearing the pleading note in that low voice.

“Please.”

Well, she could never say no to him, could she? Slowly, she turned back, knowing her cheeks still held warm colour.

The desire in his eyes had died, leaving only loneliness and anguish.

“Oh, Zero…” Yuuki murmured, feeling a pang in her heart again.

“Would you stay with me... tonight?” he asked, his voice aching.

Yuuki’s lips parted in surprise. Surely he didn’t mean…?

Zero read her thoughts and he glanced away. “Not that. I… just don’t want to be alone. Not tonight” he said softly.

Yuuki regarded him silently then she sighed and gave a little toss of her head, smiling a little ruefully. “All right, let me take my shower first.” He gave her a small smile in return, knowing she still trusted him implicitly despite what just happened.

Belatedly realising they hadn’t eaten yet as the Chairman was dining out tonight, she asked “What about dinner?”

Zero got up from the bed. “You go take your shower, I’ll cook something” he offered.

Yuuki smiled briefly, already knowing that instant noodles were on the menu tonight. At the door, she turned back. “You might want to make sure you’re… er… more – erm, relaxed… first” she said. “You know…” she added, glancing meaningfully at the lower half of his body.

Zero inhaled sharply before pressing his lips tightly. He could hardly control his reaction when she’d been sitting on his lap with her tongue in his mouth and her nimble fingers exploring his chest now, could he? OK, thoughts weren’t helping… it was all very well for her to say such things – well, what did she expect him to do?

“Care to give me some ideas on how…?” he drawled, raising an eyebrow and looking almost like the old sardonic Zero Kiriyu she knew.

It worked - Yuuki’s mouth formed a small oval of surprise, eyes wide, before she gasped in mingled indignation and embarrassment, swinging around to unlock his door and wrench it open. A muffled “Not on your life!” sounded outside the closed door before he heard her stomping away. Despite the current ‘unrelaxed’ state of his body, a small grin tugged at Zero’s lips.

-- End --