D

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…Spencer unlocked and opened the front door to find Max

standing there, smiling apologetically.

“Can I come in?”
“Of course.” He stepped aside to let Max inside. “Everything

okay?”

“I had it out with that Pete guy.”
Spencer nodded and shut the door. “Didn’t go well I bet.”
“He denied it and said you were lying to get rid of him.”
He stared at Max. “What? Why would I do that?”
Max seemed to be studying him, as though trying to make up his

mind about something. “He said you wanted to get rid of him because
you want me for yourself.” Max laughed rather nervously.

Spencer’s heart stuttered. “I…what?”
“Is it true?” Max whispered.
“Max, Pete grabbed my ass. I would never lie to you about that.”

Spencer walked away from that penetrating stare and went back into
the kitchen for his tea. He knew without turning around Max had
followed him. He never expected Max to ask him about his feelings.
What the hell was he supposed to say?

Nothing.
“Spence.”
He turned to face his friend. “What do you want me to say, Max? I

told you I’m not lying about Pete.”

“I believe you. I’ve always believed you.”
“Then, I’m not sure what else you want from me.”
“Is there some truth to what Pete said? Not about your ass but

about you wanting me?” Max didn’t look happy about the idea of
Spencer wanting him, either…

A

LSO

B

Y

S

HAWN

L

ANE

At Long Last

The Beach House

The Best Gift

Car Wash

Galaxy’s Heart

The “His” Series

His One And Only

Hitting It Big

The Impersonator

Jake’s Regret

Lawyers In Love

Lost Between

Manfred’s Curse

Most Likely To Succeed

Only For Him

Only Forever

Only His Heart

Only In His Dreams

The Other Side

Pulling Away

Sorcerer’s Lover, I & II

The Squire

Still The One

Sweet Reunion

Ticket To Ride

Twice In A Lifetime

Until The End Of Time

DEVOTEDLY HIS

BY

SHAWN LANE

A

MBER

Q

UILL

P

RESS

, LLC

http://www.AmberQuill.com

D

EVOTEDLY

H

IS

A

N

A

MBER

Q

UILL

P

RESS

B

OOK

This book is a work of fiction.

All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the

author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously.

Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales,

or events is entirely coincidental.

Amber Quill Press, LLC

http://www.AmberQuill.com

All rights reserved.

No portion of this book may be transmitted or

reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in

writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief

excerpts used for the purposes of review.

Copyright © 2011 by Shawn Lane

ISBN 978-1-61124-183-9

Cover Art © 2011 Trace Edward Zaber

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

DEVOTEDLY HIS

1

CHAPTER 1

October

Spencer Lyons tried not to let his gaze dart to the clock on the

wall as he handed the boutique store package to the woman at his
register. He flashed his best customer service smile. “Thank you
for shopping at Pierre’s. Is there any other way I can assist you
today?”

“No, that’s it. Thank you.”
He held in his sigh of relief until she had disappeared from

view. Finally, he was done for the day. Opening his register, he
took out the money drawer and called out to the store’s other
employee that day, “I’m going to head out after I count my drawer,
Denise.”

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2

She waved her hand, not looking away from the television. It

was like this every day beginning at two in the afternoon when
General Hospital was on. Then she watched Judge Judy and Dr.
Phil.

Spencer quickly counted his drawer, stored the drawer and its

contents properly, and left the store.

Pierre’s was one of those seaside touristy shops, this one

attached to a swanky ocean view hotel. It didn’t have plastic snow
globes filled with shells and sand or T-shirts with corny sayings,
but what the hotel considered more high-end souvenirs. Things like
sea life paintings, blown glass figurines, and water color scarves.

Stepping outside, the soft sea breeze touched his hair and blew

his hair away from his face. The sun felt warm against his skin but
not too hot. The worst of the year’s heat was over and with it the
long days of sunlight, unfortunately.

As he bicycled the two blocks to his apartment, Spencer

smiled, thinking of his plans for the evening. After something to
eat and a shower, his friend Sammy was coming to pick him up
and they were off to a gay Latin club in Hollywood known as
Javier’s. It was Thursday night and Spencer figured he needed
some action. Something to take his mind off his ever-increasing
dissatisfaction.

Sure, he kind of liked working at the boutique, but the truth

was, he didn’t need to work there or anywhere, really. The Lyons
were old school money, a sort of West Coast Kennedys. His
parents and siblings didn’t even know why Spencer worked at such
a menial job. Spencer had a college degree in Fine Arts, but he
wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do with it. His older brother
was the president of a fancy hotel chain the family owned and had
often suggested Spencer take an interest in hotel management

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3

instead of working in a gift shop.

He needed to do something different, he guessed. Right now

his loneliness was eating away at him, but he strongly suspected
that was due more to unrequited love than anything else.

Spencer was hopelessly in love with his best friend, Max

Ramirez. He didn’t bother to deny it anymore, to himself anyway.
Too bad Max didn’t…would never…feel the same way.

A few hours later, Sammy arrived to pick him up for the club.

Sammy was similar in appearance to him, slim and well under six
foot, but perhaps a little more exotic looking with dark, almond-
shaped eyes, which he lined with blue kohl, and dyed black hair.
They had once worked together as young college students at an ice
cream shop and had bonded over their love of clubbing and hot,
Hispanic men.

“Ready?” Sammy touched his cheek to Spencer’s. He took in

Spencer’s tight black pants that hugged his ass and his red shirt
opened at the throat. “You look gorgeous. You’ll be eaten alive.”

Spencer laughed. “I hope so.” Sammy was dressed similarly,

but he wore a blue shirt to match the kohl lining his eyes, and a
blue glass dangly earring in his left ear. “Look at you. Talk about
gorgeous.”

Sammy winked. “Of course, darling.”
The pounding rhythms of the salsa music had his blood

pumping the minute he and Sammy stepped inside the club. Being
a Thursday night, he was surprised it was so crowded with
dancing, gyrating men on the dance floor. Glancing at the bar,
Spencer noted it was likewise crowded with men. He searched the
patrons, looking for someone who would look similar enough to
Max to suit. That was always his purpose. A substitute for who he
really wanted.

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Pathetic.
“I see someone I met last time,” Sammy said into his ear.

“Catch you later.”

He nodded and stepped over to the bar to order a mojito. Out of

the corner of his eye, Spencer could see several guys looking his
way. Spencer, with his sandy hair and boyish looks, usually got
plenty of attention.

“Hello there,” someone said from directly beside him.
Spencer turned to the man and smiled. A muscular man with a

thin mustache stood there leering at him. “Hi.”

“Can I buy you a drink?”
“I’m not done with this one yet.”
The man leaned close. “Want to dance?”
Spencer took a couple of swallows of his drink and then

abandoned it on the bar to follow the man to the dance floor. He
didn’t look like Max, really, but Spencer could maybe pretend.

The man grabbed Spencer by the waist and turned him so that

Spencer’s ass would be against the man’s crotch where he could
feel his prominent erection. He wrapped an arm snugly around
Spencer’s waist and began to move.

Spencer wondered, briefly, if he ought to tell the guy his name

and ask the same of him, but really, did it matter? He’d never see
the guy again.

The man nuzzled his throat, his lips trailing to Spencer’s ear.

“You are so hot.”

He leaned back. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
“I want to fuck you,” the man growled.
Like that wasn’t obvious. He pushed his ass against the man’s

crotch in silent agreement.

He led Spencer from the dance floor and down a dark, smelly

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5

hallway he was all too familiar with. Couples leaned against walls,
kissing and groping each other. The man with him led him to the
end of the hallway and through a door into a tiny room that
contained a desk, a bottled water dispenser and a few other pieces
of miscellaneous office equipment. Spencer knew the club used it
during the day for business, and patrons used it at night for
hookups.

The man wasted no time once they were in the room. He

pushed Spencer toward the desk and Spencer braced his hands on
the edge. Hands reached to lower his pants to his knees and then
the man knelt on the floor behind him. A wet tongue stabbed at his
hole and Spencer groaned, reaching for his cock to jerk himself.

He supposed stranger sex wasn’t the wisest thing, but if he

couldn’t have who he really wanted, he just couldn’t see himself in
a relationship with someone who wasn’t Max.

The man stood and rolled a condom on his dick. Without much

else in the way of preparation, he pushed his fat cock into Spencer.
Biting his lips, Spencer grimaced. What did he expect? Kissing and
romance?

“Fuck me hard.” He pushed his ass back against the man and

welcomed the numbness that overtook his mind.

* * *

As Spencer locked his bike to his balcony after a long shift at

Pierre’s, he sighed and looked out on the street below his
apartment. Hot men and women jogged by, as well as people
walking their dogs. A typical Friday evening. He was exhausted
and just a little restless. Sure, he’d had his fun at Javier’s last night.
Besides the first guy, he’d then participated in a ménage with two

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6

other hunks. While one had fucked him, the other one shoved his
cock in Spencer’s mouth. Then they’d switched around. But he’d
gone home emptier than ever. Was he getting too old for this shit?

He went back inside his apartment, intending to spend a quiet

evening alone. His feet had been killing him for days so he planned
to give them a long soak in a soothing bubbly tub of warm water.
He had his spot staked out on his ratty old couch where he would
pamper his feet, put on a marathon of his favorite movies, and sip
wine coolers.

Spencer quickly got ready for his evening, stripping down to

just a T-shirt and boxers. He chose a mango wine cooler, got out
his big industrial sized bucket and filled it with lime scented
bubble bath, prepared his DVD player, and went to settle on the
sofa before the television.

His cell phone sprang to life with his ringtone of Adam

Lambert’s “If I Had You.”

“Damn,” Spencer grumbled. He’d left the phone in his pants,

which he’d discarded by the sliding glass doors to his balcony as
soon as he stepped back inside. He fetched his phone and glanced
at the caller ID.

“What’s up, Max?”
Max Ramirez had been his best friend since they’d met during

a drama class their freshman year of college. They’d bonded over
both of them being gay, though even now they didn’t really have
that much in common. When Spencer wasn’t working at the
boutique he was doing local community theater. Max had gone on
to become a dentist and was in his second year of working at a
dental group practice.

“I broke up with Ken,” Max’s deep voice spoke softly.
Spencer frowned. “What? Why? When?”

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7

“I should say he broke up with me. It’s over, Spence. We had a

big fight last night and he moved out this morning.”

“Ah, I’m sorry, man.” And he meant that. He wanted Max to be

happy. Seemed like he had terrible taste in men, though.

“Can I come over? I don’t feel like being alone.” Max paused.

“Unless you have plans?”

“No, no, you can come over. I was just going to soak my feet

and watch some movies.”

“You sure?”
He sighed. “Yeah, I’m not going out.” Oh, sure, he could go to

one of the clubs he frequented and probably get felt up or
propositioned. He knew Sammy was probably up for another night.
But he just wasn’t feeling it.

“Okay, want me to pick up anything? Some dinner?”
“Sounds good. Maybe chicken or something.”
“I’ll see you in a few.” Max hung up.
Spencer took his work pants into his bedroom and tossed them

in the hamper. He grabbed a pair of jeans from his dresser and
pulled those on. It was fine to sit around in your boxers alone, but
since Max was coming he’d have to play host.

By the time he tidied up his small one-bedroom apartment,

Max was knocking on the door. Max actually had a key to his
apartment, but he always knocked, no matter how many times
Spencer told him it wasn’t necessary.

“Hey, you,” he said, opening the door to Max, who held a

bucket of chicken and a bag containing the sides.

Max greeted him with a smile, though it was strained. “Hey,

yourself.”

Spencer watched as Max took the food into his kitchen. Max,

tall, muscular and handsome, was the son of third generation

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Mexican immigrants. Being a dentist, Max had the best smile of
anyone Spencer had ever known. Bright white, dimpled, and filled
with warmth. Was it any wonder Spencer was in love with his best
friend?

“Want a wine cooler? I have mango and strawberry kiwi,”

Spencer offered.

“Mango, please.” Max had been there so many times he knew

exactly where everything was, so he took out paper plates and
brought the food to the dining room table.

When they were seated, Spencer took a sip of his wine cooler.

“Want to tell me about it?”

He knew Max would. How many times had he heard about

Max’s breakups?

Max shrugged. “Basically he said I wasn’t emotionally

involved enough.”

“Not emotionally involved?”
“He thinks there’s someone else I really want.” Max frowned.
“Someone else? Is there?”
Max shook his head. “I told him no, but he didn’t believe me.

Said I’m holding back part of myself. Crazy, huh? Said he was
more into me than I was into him.” Max took several swallows of
his wine cooler. “Anyway, it’s over. How long did this one last?”

Spencer thought about it. “Five months, three weeks.”
Max winced.
“Two days.”
“Thanks, I think.”
He smiled. “Want to know hours?”
“No, smartass.” Max finished off the wine cooler. “I’m going

to sign up for one of those online dating sites.”

Spencer’s hand froze as he raised the wine cooler bottle to his

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9

lips. “What? They have those for same-sex relationships?”

“Yeah, even the mainstream dating sites now have them.”
He frowned. “Is that really necessary? Aren’t there other ways

to meet guys?”

“What? Clubs? Come on, Spence, you know yourself those

guys just want hookups, not a relationship.”

“Well, what’s wrong with that? We’re both young, why think

about settling down anyway? It’s not like we need to hurry up and
start a family.”

Max nodded and stood to clear their plates. “I get that settling

down isn’t for everyone, including you. I’m not judging you. If
casual hookups are what you’re interested in, Spence, that’s cool. I
just want more, which is why I’ve been involved in all these
relationships as it is.”

“Bad relationships,” Spencer reminded him.
“Right, but the dating sites promise compatibility. I choose

only the ones that have something in common with me.”

“Seems like you’ve given this some thought.” Spencer went

back into the living room, giving the now likely cold bucket of
water a look of longing. The best laid plans.

Early on in his friendship with Max, Spencer had hoped Max

would see him as something more than just a friend. But every guy
Max went out with seemed to be the opposite of Spencer. Tall,
dark and ruggedly handsome. Rather on the macho side. Definitely
not a slim, sandy haired guy who was barely over five-seven in his
stocking feet and who still got carded when he went to clubs due to
his boyish—he refused to think twink—looks.

“What are we going to watch?” Max asked, moving to sit on

the sofa next to where Spencer usually sat.

Spencer had picked out a weep fest for himself, Steel

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10

Magnolias, Erin Brockovich , About a Boy, and Dead Again. He
seriously doubted Max would want to watch any of those, so he
decided to leave it up to Max.

“I hadn’t picked yet. What do you think?” Spencer walked over

to the cabinet of DVDs.

“How about a Die Hard marathon?”
He barely refrained from rolling his eyes. The only reason he

had the set of Die Hard DVDs was because Max had given them to
him as a gift at Christmas a couple of years ago.

“Sure.” How he’d gone from a nice quiet night of pampering

his feet to watching blaring action movies with Max, Spencer
didn’t quite know. “Want another wine cooler?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Max took his shoes and socks off and got

comfortable on the couch.

* * *

When Spencer woke up some time later, he realized they were

on the third Die Hard movie and he was cuddled up on the couch
next to Max. In fact, Max lay lengthwise on the couch, his legs
spread wide and Spencer lay between them, his head resting on
Max’s shoulder.

Spencer glanced up to see Max’s eyes were open and watching

the movie. “Sorry, guess I fell asleep.” He struggled to free himself
of the too intimate position.

“Shh, the best part’s coming up.” Max held him close.
Spencer smiled and closed his eyes. It wasn’t the first time

they’d ended up this way. They were very good friends,
comfortable with each other. It just never went further than this.

In the background he could hear gunfire and explosions and

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11

knew Bruce Willis was kicking butt. So what if he didn’t get to
watch the movies he wanted. This was nice, too.

“You working tomorrow?” Max asked after a while.
“No. Got a rehearsal in the afternoon though.”
“What’s the theater putting on this time?” Max always came to

at least one of Spencer’s performances.

“The Sound of Music. I’m playing Rolfe.”
Max chuckled. “The curse of looking young for your age.”
Spencer snorted. “You’re telling me. I tried out for the

captain.”

“Who got that part?” Max asked, absently rubbing Spencer’s

back.

“Stewart Henderson.”
“Stewie? He can’t sing.”
“I know. The director said they’d have George do the singing

for him off stage. Said it would make Stewie seem more like
Christopher Plummer if we dubbed his voice.”

“Hmm. Well, he does look the part, I suppose.”
“I guess. Want some popcorn?” He yawned.
“No, then we’d have to move. I’m comfortable.”
So was Spencer, though he refused to admit too much. Max’s

long fingers played with Spencer’s wavy hair.

“So, when’s opening night?”
“Um…”
Spencer tried to think, but it was hard to do so with Max

touching him. He loved the times when Max was between
boyfriends. Max became extra affectionate. When he had a man,
well, the man was always there with Max and wouldn’t allow the
touchy-feely stuff between Spencer and Max. It was platonic, of
course, but the boyfriend, whoever he was, never saw it that way,

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so moments like this didn’t happen. Another reason to dread when
Max finally decided he’d found Mr. Right.

“Spence?”
“Two Saturdays from tomorrow.”
“I’ll have to get tickets.”
“Yeah. What about you? You working tomorrow?”
“No, I only have Saturday hours every other Saturday. I told

Mama I’d go over there for dinner tomorrow night. It’s my uncle’s
birthday. You want to come?”

“Your mama didn’t invite me.”
“You don’t need an invitation. You’re family. She’s making

tamales.”

Spencer could almost taste Max’s mother’s tamales. They were

heaven. Being a real part of Max’s family would be heaven,
actually, not just Max’s friend. But those were dreams he could
never have.

“Sure, I’ll come. What time?”
“Just come when your rehearsal is over. We’ll be partying all

day and night.” Max yawned. “Can I stay over?”

“Like I’d kick you out. Of course you can. I’ll make pancakes

in the morning.”

“An offer I definitely can’t refuse.”
Spencer untangled himself when the credits rolled for the

movie, went to the DVD player, and shut it off. “I’m exhausted.
Let me get you pillows.”

His couch was a sofa bed and Max was already pulling it out to

its full size. He’d already pulled off his shirt and was reaching to
unsnap his pants. The sight of Max’s bare chest and biceps never
ceased to get Spencer excited, which he didn’t want to make
obvious to Max, so he hurried from the room to get the pillows for

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his friend before his half-hard cock became more noticeable.

Taking a moment to will his cock to behave, he grabbed the

pillows from his linen closet and took them back to Max. He threw
them in Max’s general direction.

“Well, goodnight.” And he turned and hurried back to his own

bedroom, wondering if he would be able to get to sleep without
jerking off.

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CHAPTER 2

Max came out of Spencer’s shower the next morning at around

ten to the potent smell of cooking bacon. His mouth watering, he
pulled on one of the clean T-shirts he kept at Spencer’s for just this
sort of occasion.

“That’s not just pancakes,” he said, walking out to the kitchen.
“Nope.” Spencer was bent over, looking in the bottom crisper

of his refrigerator. He’d pulled on a pair of loose fitting gray
sweatpants paired with a black tank top. The sweatpants were so
huge on Spencer it was hard to tell the man had a very fine ass
even with it sticking up in the air as it was now.

“What are you doing?” Max glanced away and helped himself

to a cup of coffee.

“Getting the cantaloupe.” Spencer straightened. He held a small

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cantaloupe in his hands. His sandy hair stood up every which way.
Bed hair, Max guessed it was called. He had a smudge of what
looked like flour across his left cheek. Too adorable, as usual. His
heart squeezed just a little, but he ignored it.

“You want me to cut that up?” He tried to hide his smile, but he

was pretty sure he failed when Spencer’s green eyes narrowed.

“No, I can do it. Just go sit at the table. It’s almost ready.”
Max sat at the dining table, all the while watching Spencer. If

Spence ever decided to settle down instead of playing around at the
clubs, he’d really make someone a terrific partner. He was sweet,
sexy, and a pretty decent cook. What else could any man ask for?

After a few minutes, Spencer set a plate of four pancakes in

front of Max, as well as bringing a separate plate filled with
perfectly crisped bacon, which he set on the table between them.
Then he brought over the cut up cantaloupe in a bowl.

“Everything looks and smells fantastic.”
“Thank you. It’s not much,” Spence said in his usual humble

way.

Max had noticed over the years Spence didn’t feel comfortable

with compliments. He wasn’t sure why until he’d met Spencer’s
wealthy parents. They were cold fish as far as Max was concerned,
doing their best to convince Spence and his siblings they were
barely tolerated. It was part of the reason Max had brought Spence
into his own family. His family was hardly perfect and definitely
didn’t have the money Spencer’s did, but most of them were
warmer and friendlier than Spence’s family. His friend needed
that. He had such a tendency to be a loner unless forced into social
interaction.

After a bite of the pancakes, Max sighed appreciatively.

“Damn, you make the best pancakes.”

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Spencer rolled his eyes. “Pancakes are pancakes.”
“Nope. Bacon’s good, too. And don’t say bacon is bacon.”
His friend laughed. “I don’t have to, you did it for me. If you

say I make the best coffee I might have to hit you. What do you
want that you’re buttering me up for?”

“Nothing. I just think you’re a talented cook. Ever thought

about cooking school?”

“No. I enjoy cooking, but the last thing I want to do is make it a

chore.”

Max nodded. “Okay.” He was aware Spencer’s brother wanted

him to get into the hotel business, but he couldn’t see a free spirit
like Spencer wanting to wear a suit and smile at complaining hotel
guests.

Spencer poked at his pancakes, moving them around his plate

rather than actually eating them. “Tell me about this guy you
want.”

“What guy?”
“Whoever you’re looking for when you sign up for the dating

site. What qualities are you looking for in a partner?”

Max smiled. “Well, it doesn’t hurt if he’s hot.”
Spencer chuckled. “That goes without saying, but are you

really going to list that as a requirement? First, it will make you
sound shallow, and second, there are plenty of nice-looking guys
who may not think they are hot, per se.”

“That’s true.” Max thought about it. “I guess I’m looking for

someone like me.”

“Like you?”
“Around my age, stable, quiet, homebody, believes in

monogamy, not a bum.”

“Boring.”

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Max dropped the forkful of pancake he was about to stick in his

mouth. “Are you calling me boring?”

“No, I’m calling your description boring. Your description is

very generic and could almost fit anyone. How about something
like athletic, enjoys outdoor activities, watching movies, Mexican
food, and ugly dogs.”

“Hey, Chekhov isn’t ugly.” His dog, Chekhov, a borzoi, had

become his when one of his boyfriends left him behind after a
nasty breakup.

Grinning, Spencer shook his head. “If you say so.”
“Not hungry?” Max gestured to the plate of food Spence was

playing with.

“Guess not. I need to get the kitchen cleaned up and get a

shower before rehearsal anyway.”

“Still coming to my mother’s for my uncle’s party?”
“Sure.”

* * *

Max arrived at his mother’s about three that afternoon. She

lived in a small bungalow-style home in the San Fernando Valley
of Los Angeles. Max and his brothers and sisters had grown up
there. His father had passed away of a heart attack five years ago,
so it was just his mother and one of his sisters at the house now.
Though it always seemed as though his mother had some sort of
family over.

He found his mama in the kitchen still preparing food for the

bunch of lazy-asses out on the patio drinking beers and margaritas.
He kissed the top of her five-foot head.

“Ah, Maxie, there you are,” she said with a wide smile. “What

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18

do you want to drink? Let me get it for you.”

“I’ll get it myself. Uncle Rio here already?”
“Yeah, everyone is here. You’re the last.”
“Oh, Spencer might come later.”
“Good, I miss that boy. He doesn’t come around enough.” She

grabbed a platter of chips and salsa and bean dip and headed for
the back door.

“I’ll get that for you.”
“No, you get your drink.” She went out the door.
Max turned to the refrigerator and noticed his older brother,

Carlos, standing there. “How long you been standing there?”

Carlos shrugged.
He shook his head and reached inside the fridge for a bottle of

beer.

“Why does Spencer need to come? He’s not family.”
“I invited him. And he’s like family to me.”
Carlos made a face, but said nothing.
“What? You have a problem with Spence?”
“He’s gay.”
“So? I’m gay, too.”
His brother snorted. “With you, it’s not noticeable. If you

didn’t tell anyone, no one would ever know or guess. With Spencer
it’s obvious.”

“He’s hardly flamboyant. And even if he were, so what? Where

is this coming from all of a sudden?”

Carlos walked around him to go into the fridge for a beer

himself. “It’s not all of a sudden. I’m not comfortable with
queers.”

His jaw tightening, Max straightened and leveled his gaze at

his brother. “That’s just too damn bad.”

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19

His mama stepped back inside from the patio and looked at her

sons. “What is going on? Are you two fighting?”

Carlos shrugged. “I’m going back outside.”
When he had gone out, Max turned to his mother. “You need

help with anything?”

“No, no, you go on outside and say happy birthday to your

uncle. I’ll let you know if I need help.”

Max went out onto the patio with his beer and sought out his

uncle. The old man, who was actually his mother’s uncle, sat under
a bright orange umbrella at the edge of the patio. He had on a Los
Angeles Dodgers baseball cap. Max’s sisters and their husbands
were on the opposite side of the patio talking loud and animatedly.
Carlos stood talking to Max’s cousins.

“Uncle Rio.” Max leaned down to kiss his uncle’s forehead and

sat in the chair beside him. “Happy eighty-fifth birthday.”

His uncle snorted. “You have to remind me. Be a good boy and

bring the chips and salsa closer.”

Max got up and brought a bowl of chips and a bowl of

homemade salsa to their table. “How are you feeling?”

“Eh, not too bad. Some aches and pains. Where is your

boyfriend?”

“Actually Ken and I broke up.”
“Win some, lose some.”
“I seem to lose a lot,” Max said with a wry smile.
“That guy, he was not for you,” Uncle Rio said. “Nice enough,

but he never seemed right for you.”

“And who does?” He wondered if his uncle actually had

someone in mind.

“Hmm. What about Spencer?”
Max’s jaw dropped open. “Spence?”

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20

Uncle Rio shrugged. “You’ve been friends for years. I’m just

surprised you’ve never explored something there. I’m no expert on
good-looking men, but that one, he seems—what do you say—
cute.”

“He is cute.”
“Well, then?”
How did he explain this to Uncle Rio? It wasn’t that he didn’t

want Spencer. God, Max wasn’t blind. Spencer was sexy as sin.
But he wasn’t boyfriend material. Max wanted a serious, faithful
boyfriend. Since Max had known Spencer he’d never had a
boyfriend. If Spencer had spent more than one night with a guy,
Max didn’t know about it.

As much as he adored Spence, hell, his best friend meant

everything to him, he didn’t want to live his life wondering if
Spencer would cheat on him. And he’d made up his mind long ago
he’d rather have Spence in his life as his best friend than never
have him at all.

And so, he was resigned to dating other men, very different

men from Spencer.

“Spence and I just make better friends than anything else,

Uncle Rio.”

“If you say so.” His uncle took a chip and dipped it into the

salsa. “You’d make a cute couple.”

He decided it was time to change the subject. “What are you

drinking, Uncle? Can I get you another?”

When he went back into the kitchen a few minutes later, the

doorbell rang.

“That will be Spencer. Excuse me.” Max left the kitchen and

went to the front door where, sure enough, Spencer waited. “Hey,
you, how did the rehearsal go?”

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21

“Pretty good,” Spencer said as he came into the house. “But I

have to admit I feel vaguely ridiculous singing about being
seventeen going on eighteen.”

Max laughed. “Ah, the perils of looking young. It could be

worse. They could have cast you as the youngest boy.”

“Hush.”
“Come on, let’s get you something to drink.”
When they reached the kitchen, Carlos was there again with

their mother, who was once more slaving over a platter of food.
Carlos finished his beer and then glanced at Max and Spencer.
Max tensed.

“I’ve got to go,” Carlos announced, then left the kitchen. They

could hear the front door close after him.

Spence bit his lip. “Something wrong?”
“Carlos has problems with having a brother who’s gay,” Max

explained, shrugging. “I’m having problems with having a brother
who’s an asshole. We both have to deal.”

“Max,” his mother admonished. “Behave.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have come.” Spencer fidgeted near the

entrance to the kitchen.

“Nonsense, cariño. Carlos is just grumpy.” His mama went to

Spencer and embraced him. “I want you here and this is my
house.”

Spencer smiled. “All right.”
“Maxie, get him a beer. I wanted to talk to you, anyway,” she

said, addressing Spencer.

“About?”
Max wondered the same thing as he fetched a bottle of beer,

opened it, and handed it to Spence.

She looped her arm with Spencer’s. “You have a boyfriend?”

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22

“Mama.”
“I’m not talking to you.” She scowled at Max and then smiled

at Spencer. “A pretty boy like you. Last time you said no. You
have one now?”

“Spencer isn’t interested in having a boyfriend,” Max said,

deciding to help his friend out. He didn’t know where his mother
was going with it, but Spencer squirmed.

“Of course he is,” his mother insisted. “So you do not have

one?”

“Well, no,” Spencer said.
Her smile widened. “I have the man for you.”
“He doesn’t want a relationship, Mama, he likes to…wait,

what?”

“This lady at bingo at the church, very sweet lady. She says her

grandson is gay.” She walked over to the platter of food she’d been
fixing and picked up a taquito, which she handed to Spencer. “He
picks her up from bingo and he’s simply gorgeous. Big and burly. I
told him about you and showed him your picture.”

Max stared at his mother. “You did what?”
She waved her hand at Max. “I’m still not talking to you.

Anyway, I showed him both of your pictures and he said you were
cute enough but Spencer was more his type.”

Spencer had turned a bright shade of red. “I, um, well.”
“He owns his own business, too. If you’re interested, I’ll give

him your phone number.”

A muscle twitched in Max’s jaw. “Mama, Spencer is not

interested. He doesn’t need you to play his matchmaker.”

“Now wait just a second, Max,” Spencer said, frowning in his

direction. “Who said I’m not interested?”

“Yes, who said?” His mama turned her back on Max and

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23

beamed at Spencer. “So, you are interested in Henry?”

“I thought you didn’t want a serious relationship, Spence. You

like to hook up at the clubs.”

Spencer shrugged. “A guy can change, Max. Maybe I’m

looking for something more.”

“I’ll give him your name,” Max’s mother said. “Help me bring

this food outside, Maxie.”

Max picked up the platter of taquitos and followed her outside.

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CHAPTER 3

The cast of The Sound of Music got a standing ovation for their

opening night performance. As Spencer ran off stage, he wiped the
sweat from his forehead. The cast always greeted the audience in
the lobby after the show.

He’d seen Max in the audience and he had not been alone. He

had with him a reasonably good-looking dark haired man
somewhere in his early forties, which seemed a bit old to Spencer.
The guy had a good ten years on Max at least. Probably one of the
guys he’d met from the dating site.

Since Max’s uncle’s party, he’d been pestering Spencer about

whether Spencer planned on going out with Henry. So far Spencer
hadn’t, though Henry had called him a couple of nights ago. While
it was true Spencer was giving some thought to giving up the club

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25

hookups, he didn’t know if he was ready to go on an actual date
with a guy, like dinner or something where he’d have to pretend an
interest in conversation.

And how shallow did that sound? But the truth was, no guy

would be Max.

He knew he probably ought to agree to go out with Henry, it

was just…he was an idiot. For a moment he’d thought maybe Max
had been bothered or even jealous of the idea of him seeing Henry,
but since Max hadn’t said anything close to that since the party,
Spencer didn’t really know why Max was so interested. Spencer
needed to get a grip and stop imagining Max would ever see him
as anything but a friend.

As soon as he reached the lobby, Max and his date approached

him. Max smiled and hugged him. “You were terrific.”

“Thanks. I’m so glad you came.” He smiled politely at Max’s

guest.

Max disentangled himself from Spencer. “This is Pete Morrow.

Pete, this is my best friend, Spencer Lyons.”

“Nice to meet you, Spencer,” Pete said, seizing Spencer’s hand.
“Same here.” Spencer extracted his hand.
“They’ve put wine out, I’ll get us some,” Max said. “Spence,

you want some?”

“No, that’s all right, thanks.” Just as Max walked away, an

older woman stepped up to Spencer. “Mrs. Butler, did you enjoy
the show?”

“Yes, it was wonderful.” She held out her program and handed

him a pen. “I’m having the cast sign their photos.”

And as he put the pen to his photo, a hand cupped his left ass

cheek. Blinking, he looked up from the program and the only one
near him other than Mrs. Butler in front of him was Max’s date,

DEVOTEDLY HIS

26

Pete.

Spencer finished his signature and took a step away from Pete

just as Max came back holding two plastic cups of white wine. He
handed one to Pete.

“Excuse me, I see someone I need to speak to,” Spencer said,

wanting to put even more distance between himself and the ass
grabber. When it wasn’t obvious to Pete, Spencer intended to tell
Max just what his date had been up to while Max has been getting
wine.

About ten minutes later, Max approached him again, this time

alone. He rested a hand on Spencer’s arm.

“Hey, we’re going to take off as soon as Pete comes back from

the men’s room. You going out with the cast?”

Max knew the cast often went out for coffee after the first night

of performance. They’d done it the last three shows they’d put on
in their community. But tonight Spencer really didn’t feel like it.
He just wanted to go home.

“No, think I’m going to go straight home,” Spencer said. “Not

feeling very sociable.”

Max frowned, watching him for a moment. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just…Max, that guy, Pete, he’s not a good guy.”
“What? You just met him.”
Spencer nodded. “I know and I should probably keep my

mouth shut, but you’re my best friend and I can’t. When you were
getting wine, Pete squeezed my ass.”

“Are you sure?”
“I know what an ass grope feels like, Max.”
“Yes, but you’re sure it was Pete?”
Max looked so uncertain, so vulnerable, really, Spencer wanted

to say he wasn’t sure and let Pete off the hook. But would he be

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27

doing Max any favors by letting Pete get away with grabbing
someone else’s ass while on a date with Max? Even a first date. If
it was. He didn’t even know. Maybe Max had already had sex with
this guy.

“Spence?”
“It was him, Max. I’m sorry. I wish I could say otherwise, but

there was no one around me but him.”

Max nodded. “It’s all right. I don’t want you to lie to me. I’ll

call you later.”

Spencer watched Max walk away, wishing he could have just

kept his mouth shut. He wanted Max to find some great guy, but
Pete just wasn’t the guy. With a heavy sigh, he went to the
dressing room to wash off his stage makeup and take off his
costume so he could head home.

His answering machine was flashing when he got home, so he

pressed the play button.

“This is Mother. Call me when you get this.”
Warm as an icy wind as usual.
Spencer knew it was best not to ignore her when she called. So

even though it was already nearing ten-thirty, he picked up the
phone and punched in the number.

“Hello, Spencer,” his mother’s cool voice said after the third

ring.

“Hello. Is it too late to call?”
“No, your father and I are still up. It’s been a while since

you’ve checked in with us, Spencer. Did you forget you have a
family?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “No. I…well, I’ve been

busy.”

“Too busy for your family? I’m rather surprised to hear that.”

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Leave it to his mother to make him feel like a guilty child all

over again.

Spencer remembered early on in his friendship with Max

they’d discussed their families’ reactions to their being gay.

“I told them when I was a sophomore in high school,” Max

explained. “I’d started seeing another boy from school and didn’t
want to hide it. So, I told my parents.”

“What did they say?” Spencer wanted to know.
Max sighed. “They didn’t react well. Mama cried and asked

how could I do this to her. Pop called me names and walked out.”

“Oh, my God, really?”
“Yeah. But then, after a while, they came around. I can’t say

my Pop has ever been completely comfortable with it, but he did
apologize for calling me names and told me I would always be his
son. My mother came to me and said she shouldn’t have reacted
the way she had, she knew I wasn’t doing anything to her, and that
she supported me.”

“That’s good.”
“And you know how she is now. She’s wonderful. What about

your parents?”

Spencer laughed. “They reacted the way they react to

everything. ‘Okay,’ they said. They never have much of a reaction
to anything.”

Now, he said, “I did plan on calling soon.”
“Oh?”
“Well, I know the holidays are coming up. It’s October already,

and I wondered what you and Dad planned on doing.”

There was a long pause. Spencer waited, wondering what

excuse they’d have this time for avoiding a family holiday.

“We’ve been invited to Senator Rawlings house for

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29

Thanksgiving. I’m not sure we can secure you an invitation. I
assumed you would make plans with your friends.”

“No problem. I can manage to find something to do,” Spencer

said.

“Hmm. As for Christmas, your father and I are planning on

going to Switzerland, so you can come with us. We’ll pay, of
course.”

“Well, I—”
“You’ll need to be gone for a month though, as that’s how long

we’re planning. You do have your passport in order?”

“Yes. But a month? I’m not sure I can take off that long from

work.”

His mother sighed. “I’m sure you can get a position at another

boutique, Spencer.”

She’d said “boutique” like some people said “trailer park.” He

was used to it. Spencer, like his siblings, had a trust fund left to
him by his grandparents, plus their parents had made it clear their
rather generous estate would be evenly divided amongst their
children. But he kept his trust fund mostly untouched. He’d used
some of it for college, and paid his bills with money he earned
from working. He liked to be independent from his family, which
was why he always turned down job offers from his older brother.

“Maybe. How soon do you need to know?” He’d been to

Switzerland as a boy when they’d gone there for Christmas and
had really loved it. And it wasn’t as though he had a boyfriend to
spend a cozy holiday season with.

“Let me know by the second week of November.”
“Okay.”
She paused, and then said, “Have you called your brothers or

sisters?”

DEVOTEDLY HIS

30

“No. Well, except for Frank about working for the hotel. But

the rest of them, they haven’t called me either.”

“Spencer.”
“Mother.”
“You are as stubborn as your father. I don’t know what to do

about either of you.”

He smiled a little. “We’re your cross to bear.”
“Apparently. It’s late. I’ll let you go. I expect to hear from you

and soon, Spencer.”

“All right. Good night, Mother.”
“Good night.”
Spencer had just fixed himself a cup of orange spice tea when

his doorbell rang. At eleven.

“Spence, it’s me,” Max called through the door.
“Max?” He unlocked and opened the front door to find Max

standing there, smiling apologetically.

“Can I come in?”
“Of course.” He stepped aside to let Max inside. “Everything

okay?”

“I had it out with that Pete guy.”
Spencer nodded and shut the door. “Didn’t go well I bet.”
“He denied it and said you were lying to get rid of him.”
He stared at Max. “What? Why would I do that?”
Max seemed to be studying him, as though trying to make up

his mind about something. “He said you wanted to get rid of him
because you want me for yourself.” Max laughed rather nervously.

Spencer’s heart stuttered. “I…what?”
“Is it true?” Max whispered.
“Max, Pete grabbed my ass. I would never lie to you about

that.” Spencer walked away from that penetrating stare and went

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back into the kitchen for his tea. He knew without turning around
Max had followed him. He never expected Max to ask him about
his feelings. What the hell was he supposed to say?

Nothing.
“Spence.”
He turned to face his friend. “What do you want me to say,

Max? I told you I’m not lying about Pete.”

“I believe you. I’ve always believed you.”
“Then, I’m not sure what else you want from me.”
“Is there some truth to what Pete said? Not about your ass but

about you wanting me?” Max didn’t look happy about the idea of
Spencer wanting him, either. And why would he?

“Fuck, the guy met me for thirty damn seconds, how the hell

would he know anything about me?”

Max nodded. “Okay. I thought he was wrong. You would have

said something before now. We’ve been friends for too long.”

Spencer turned away and closed his eyes, his throat clogging.

“Yeah, I…right.” He would just fall back on the lies. Pretend none
of it was true and his feelings for Max didn’t go beyond friendship.

“He seemed so certain, I guess I just wondered, you know.”
“Uh-huh.” Spencer forced himself to face Max again, but his

friend still stared hard at him as though he was trying to read his
mind. He shifted. “Want some tea or something?”

“No.” Max ran his fingers through his hair and tugged his

bottom lip with his teeth. “I’m sorry I barged over like this. I
should have just gone home. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“It’s no big deal, Max. You’re always welcome.”
Max stepped closer. “Are you—”
His heart slamming hard, Spencer stepped back, but he backed

into the counter and could go no farther to get away from Max and

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his damn probing. “What?”

“I have a feeling I’m missing something here,” Max said softly.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Pete seemed so positive you had deeper feelings

for me.”

“Who cares what he says?” He was starting to panic and he

knew it. Why wouldn’t Max let it go? “Just drop it.”

Max leaned down and pressed his lips to Spencer’s. At first

Spencer forced himself not to react. He could fake this. Convince
Max he didn’t want him. But as Max’s kiss deepened and his
tongue slipped inside Spencer’s mouth, he was lost and couldn’t
prevent a moan from escaping.

Max broke the kiss and looked into Spencer’s eyes. “Nothing?”
Spencer laughed. He knew it was a hysterical laugh, but he

couldn’t prevent it. “I have wanted you. It’s true. For a long time.”

“What? Why?”
“Why? Because you’re hot and the best guy I’ve ever known

and I’ve been in love with you since we met years ago in college.”

Max stared, but didn’t say anything. Spencer felt his heart

cracking and he wished he could take back the words. Max didn’t
feel the same and he knew that. The very reason he’d never told
Max anything.

His stomach turned over, and he wished he could take back the

words. Max looked completely bewildered and rather uneasy. Not
a good sign.

Swallowing, he forced more damning words out of his mouth.

“When we first met, you had a boyfriend so I didn’t say anything.
After you broke up, I waited for you to maybe show some interest
in me, but you didn’t, and you just found someone else. Since it
was obvious you didn’t want me, I kept quiet.”

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And still Max didn’t say a word. Just stared at him, his dark

eyes unreadable.

“You’ve got nothing to say?” he finally asked when he couldn’t

stand Max’s silence.

“I don’t know what to say. I don’t—”
“Feel the same way?” At Max’s nod, Spencer fought to keep

control. He knew it, had always known it, but finding out, for sure,
without any denials from Max was brutal.

Max wiped a hand over his face. “Spence, I love you so much.

I can’t imagine not having you in my life. It’s unthinkable.”

Spencer nodded. “But you just don’t want me. I know.”
His friend shook his head. “It’s not what you think.”
The hysterical laugh was back. “I get it. I’m not your type. I’ve

seen the guys you’ve always gone out with. None of them are
skinny blonds. I’m not blind. I just…I’ve dealt with it.”

“Spence, you’re one of the sexiest guys I’ve ever known. It’s

not that I don’t find you attractive. I do. More than you know.”

“Sure.” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I know we’re

never going to be a couple.”

“That kiss…I felt everything in that kiss.”
Spencer frowned. “ Then, I don’t understand. If you feel

something—”

“I know. You’re so important to me. I would do anything for

you. God, Spence, I love you so much.”

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CHAPTER 4

Spencer was looking at him like he’d sprung a second head. He

just kept shaking his head. Max couldn’t blame him, he was totally
fucking this up.

“You are beautiful and sexy and I can’t help but want you.”

And he did. Had for so long. But they were too different. Wanted
different things. If he got together with Spencer and things didn’t
work out, he’d be devastated. “But romance and sex screw up
everything. I can’t lose you. You’re my best friend. If we were to
get together and it didn’t work out, I don’t know what the hell I
would do. If you didn’t want to see me anymore I’d…I don’t
know. I can’t take that risk.”

“You can’t risk it?”
“No, and don’t feed me the line that life is made up of risks. I

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35

don’t care if I lose a hundred boyfriends. None of that would
matter compared to losing you.”

Spencer hung his head. “I see.”
“Do you?”
“Yeah. You want to find your happily ever after with someone

else.”

“Spence, it’s not that easy. Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve

gone from sex with one guy to the next. I’ve never been like that. I
know there are plenty of guys like you. I’m probably the different
one here, wanting the happily ever after with a guy who wants and
loves only me. But I can’t change who I am and what I want. You
could hurt me so much and I won’t take that risk.” Max’s heart
squeezed at the devastated look on Spencer’s face.

“I can change, Max. People do it all the time.”
“Maybe, but do you even want to? Why should you have to?

What’s wrong with us being friends, Spence? Why does it have to
be anything else?”

Spencer paled, then blinked. “I guess it doesn’t have to be

anything else. I get it. You love me as a friend and it’s never going
to be anything else. You know I’ve always known that. Nothing
has really changed.”

He sounded so sad and defeated Max wanted to slit his own

throat. “I’m sorry.”

Spencer blew out a breath. “Yeah, me, too. So, you can

continue to go find your Mr. Right and hope he can give you what
you want, whatever the hell that is. And I’ll…I’ll guess I’ll look
for someone, too.”

He was unprepared for the sharp pain in his heart at hearing

Spencer talk about being with someone else. He’d become numb to
Spencer’s hookups…or at least mostly so. But the idea of Spencer

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being in love with someone didn’t set well with him. And he knew
it was wrong to feel that way given his own selfishness.

Am I wrong?
“I’m going out,” Spencer said suddenly.
“What?”
“I have to get out of here. I need time, Max.”
“So, you’re going where? To a club?” Not that. Why always

that? Max hated the damn clubs. Hated Spencer going there. He
was a fool to believe he’d become numb to it.

“Maybe.”
“Jesus, Spence.” A muscle in his jaw jumped. “Why?”
Spencer wrapped his arms around himself. “Why shouldn’t I?

You don’t want me. And there…they do.”

“All they want is to fuck you.”
Spencer’s eyes sparked with green fire. “At least they want

something. And why shouldn’t I? Huh, Max?” Spencer sounded
angry, looked hurt. He didn’t miss the deep sorrow in his friend’s
beautiful eyes. “Is there any reason I shouldn’t go to a club and let
some guy fuck me?”

Max couldn’t hold back the flinch. He opened his mouth to say

something…anything. But nothing came out.

“I thought so,” Spencer said softly. He went to his apartment

door and opened it. “Since I’m going out, you probably ought to go
home.”

He bit his lip. “Spencer.”
“It’ll be okay, Max. Just give me a few days.”
And really, what choice did he have? Spencer was telling him

to leave. His stomach was in knots and he didn’t know what to do
to make it all better. Part of him thought maybe he was just a damn
coward and he should take a chance. Would it really be a mistake

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to be with Spencer? Was hurting Spencer like this better? He
couldn’t think.

And so, like the coward he guessed he really was, he did

nothing and walked out of Spencer’s apartment.

* * *

“Dr. Ramirez? Your next patient is here.”
Max hit end call on his cell phone. He’d just gotten Spencer’s

voice mail anyway. Again. He smiled at one of his assistants.
“Okay, thanks, Becky.”

He put away his cell phone in his desk and went to wash his

hands so he could prepare to treat the little boy who had two
cavities. He hadn’t talked to Spencer for days. Every time he called
his friend he got nothing but Spencer’s voice mail. And Spencer
never called back.

There was an ache in Max’s heart that never seemed to go

away and he knew he had only himself to blame.

He was angry at himself for even bringing up how Spencer felt

in the first place. They could have gone on like they always did if
he’d kept his damn mouth shut. It would have been better not to
know that Spencer wanted him the way he wanted Spencer.

And he was angry at himself for being such a damn coward

he’d fucked up everything with Spencer anyway. The few days
Spencer had claimed to need just got longer and longer until Max
could barely breathe from missing him.

He couldn’t shake the feeling he’d lost Spencer anyway, and

for what? Because he was fucking stupid. He did love Spencer.
Was that why none of his relationships worked out? Was it
because Spencer had been the one for him and he’d refused to act

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on it?

Could or would Spencer really give up the hookups? Max

couldn’t handle being eaten up by worry that his boyfriend was
being unfaithful.

He shook himself and went to take care of his patient. He

needed to concentrate on work, not his too fucked up life.

Later that night, when he got home, he tried calling Spencer

again. This time he was startled when someone answered the
phone. Only the voice wasn’t Spencer’s.

“Hello.”
“I…is Spencer there?”
“Who is this?”
“His friend, Max.” His chest ached. Did Spencer have a guy

with him even now? “Who is this?”

“Frank, Spencer’s brother.”
Relief nearly brought him to his knees. Then he wondered if

something was wrong, because Spencer did not hang out with his
brother. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. He’s staying here with me right now and

asked me to answer his phone.”

“Staying with you?”
“Yes,” Frank said, but refused to elaborate further. “He can’t

come to the phone right now. Is there a message?”

“Can you have him call me? I’d like to talk to him.”
“All right. Bye.”
Max frowned. Damn. Spencer staying with a member of his

family was not a good sign at all. He turned on his computer and
checked his email but there were no messages from Spencer. He
had a half a dozen messages from guys from the dating site
wanting to talk or meet. He checked them out, their profiles and

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pictures, but not a single one interested him. None of them were
sandy blond haired, sweet, sexy Spencer.

He canceled his account and went shopping for books for his

ereader. He had an urge to seek out friends-to-lover stories.

* * *

A few days later, agonizing days where Max found himself

more and more depressed, Spencer called him. His heart nearly
stopped when he saw Spencer’s name appear on his cell.

“Spence?”
“Hi, Max.”
He closed his eyes. “I…where have you been?”
“Around. Visiting family mostly. I’m heading home now

though.”

“Can I come over? I need to talk to you.”
“Sure, if you want to. I’ll be home around eight.”
“See you soon.”
By the time Max made it to Spencer’s apartment it was almost

nine. He’d been delaying going over for fear Spencer would be as
cold to him as he’d sounded on the phone. He couldn’t deal with it
if Spencer hated him now.

God, he was a mess.
As he walked up the stairs to Spencer’s apartment door, his

heart had already begun to pound hard. His palms were sweaty. He
pounded on the door.

“Spencer!”
Max waited, intending to pound harder the second time, when

the door opened. Spencer stood there, wearing a tank top and
shorts. His hair looked tousled.

DEVOTEDLY HIS

40

Max’s heart stopped. Was someone here with Spencer? He

couldn’t—wouldn’t—live with constantly wondering if Spencer
had been with someone else. “Oh, God,” he whispered.

“Max? What’s wrong?”
“You’re alone, aren’t you? You don’t have some guy over?” A

ball of dread formed in his stomach. This is what his stupidity had
done to him.

“Max, no, I’m alone. First of all, I knew you were coming over

and, second of all, I don’t have guys over here.” Spencer sighed,
shook his head. “Come in.”

He let out a long breath and stepped inside. Sure enough he

saw no sign of some strange lover in the apartment. “I…you
wouldn’t return my calls and all I got was your voice mail. And
then your brother answered your phone and you didn’t call me
back right away.”

“I know. I told you I wanted a few days.”
“It’s been more than a few. Spence, please. Tell me I haven’t

fucked this up.”

Spencer smiled a little sadly and then hugged him tight. “You

haven’t. I’m still your friend, Max. Your best friend. I’ll always be
that. I’m completely devoted to you and that will never change.”
Spencer’s voice broke. “I promise.”

Max’s arms tightened around him and he closed his eyes, just

enjoying the feel of Spencer in his arms. Spencer still here. With
him. Where he belonged.

“I love you,” he whispered against Spencer’s hair.
“I love you, too.” Spencer tried to get out of Max’s arms and

Max let him.

He still had some thinking to do. He hadn’t yet heard what he

wanted to hear from Spencer. That Spencer would want only him.

DEVOTEDLY HIS

41

He couldn’t risk it if Spencer wasn’t willing.

“Spence, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Back when we first

met, I really liked you. I thought you were really hot, which is why
I talked to you in that first class. But I also had a boyfriend and I
was trying to make things work.” He took a deep breath. “And
then, well, you seemed like you weren’t interested in anything but
having a good time.”

Spencer nodded. “That was probably pretty true then. I was

focused on just having a good time. I wasn’t totally mature then.”

“I know. You were just so hot and fun and everyone wanted to

be around you. Me included.”

Spencer bit his lip. “What are you trying to say here?”
“I love you, Spencer. I want you so much it’s killing me. I ache

for wanting to be with you.”

Spencer blinked. “But—”
“But, I need to know something.”
“What?”
“If we were to try this, to be together, I’d have to know. No

more clubs and hookups.”

“I wouldn’t.”
He wanted to believe it, but he still had doubts. “I’d have to

have someone who was faithful, someone who only wants me.”

Spencer shook his head and for a moment he thought Spencer

was refusing.

“Do you know why I’ve been going to Javier’s the last several

years?”

“No,” Max admitted.
“Because I wanted to find someone who reminded me of you. I

could pretend for a moment they were you touching me.” Spencer
had turned a little pink. “It’s stupid I know. I’ve been with only

DEVOTEDLY HIS

42

Hispanic guys for years now. But they still weren’t you Max. I
only want you.”

Max pulled Spencer back into his arms and then framed

Spencer’s face in his hands.

“I know. I’m a fool and an idiot and a bastard and probably a

million other things. I didn’t think taking our friendship to the next
level was worth the risk of losing you. I was a coward.”

“Max—”
“But what am I really losing by not being with you? Maybe the

best thing in the world. Real true love.” He smiled crookedly. “I’ve
been reading books about friends becoming lovers.”

“You have?” Spencer raised an eyebrow at him.
“Uh-huh. I even listened to Friends and Lovers by Gloria

Loring and Carl Anderson.”

“Oh, God.”
“I know. I was desperate.” Max stared into Spencer’s eyes.

“Please, say you’ll give me another chance. Let me be your lover
as well as your friend.”

Spencer’s green eyes were bright as he stared up at Max. “Are

you sure? You were so against it before.”

Max nodded. “I deserve your doubt. Your scorn, too. I don’t

know what I was thinking before. I just…I was led by fear and
doubts. I was looking for someone special and he was here all
along.” He leaned forward to kiss Spencer softly.

“When you used to come over to tell me about yet another

break up, I used to wonder why you couldn’t see me. Why you
wouldn’t want me. You sat there on my couch telling me your
desires and dreams and I wasn’t a part of them.”

“I’m sorry.” Max kissed him again, deeper, trying to put all the

overwhelming desire and feelings he felt into the kiss so Spencer

DEVOTEDLY HIS

43

would believe him. “I’ll beg if you want.”

Spencer laughed. “Don’t tempt me.”
Max decided the best way to convince Spencer would be to just

show him. He pulled Spencer toward the bedroom. “Come with
me.”

Spencer’s eyes were sparkling as he allowed Max to draw him

into the bedroom. When they stepped through the doorway, Max
had a feeling Spencer was going to ask him if he was sure again, so
he put his fingers to Spencer’s lips.

“Shh, no words until we’re done.”
“Is that some kind of rule?”
Max smiled. “More like a request.”
Spencer threw his arms around his neck then and offered his

lips up to Max. “I’m not sure I can be quiet if your cock’s inside
me.” He brushed his lips over Max’s.

“Oh, fuck.” Max’s cock sprung to full attention, uncomfortably

constrained in his slacks. “Okay, sounds and sex talk are allowed.”

Spencer licked the pulse of Max’s throat. “I’ll keep that in

mind.”

Shaking with almost uncontrollable lust, Max crushed Spencer

to him, his hands moving down Spencer’s back to close over his
firm round cheeks. Soon he’d be spreading those cheeks and
burying himself deep between them.

Covering Spencer’s soft lips once more, Max slipped his

tongue inside the moist warmth of Spencer’s mouth. A low
moaning rumble came from Spencer’s chest as he pressed himself
even closer to Max.

He had to get them over to the bed so he could get them both

naked, but kissing Spencer after all this time was an addiction he
didn’t want to give up even for a short time. He inched Spencer

DEVOTEDLY HIS

44

forward in the direction of the bed, being careful not to break
contact.

Spencer stopped when the back of his knees touched the bed.

His kisses seemed more and more desperate and Max could feel
the hard bulge of Spencer’s arousal against his leg.

God.
Max inched his fingers under Spencer’s shirt, his palms

splaying over smooth bare skin. What kind of an idiot waits this
long to have this? To touch this man? Only him.

He pushed the shirt up, under Spencer’s arms, his thumbs

grazing over Spencer’s nipple rings.

Nipple rings?
Max broke the kiss, leaned back slightly to look at Spencer’s

chest. Sure enough two silver rings teased him from Spencer’s
nipples. Spencer smiled saucily.

“When did you get these?” Max thumbed the rings, earning

him a moan of appreciation.

“A few months ago,” Spencer said, his eyelids half closing as

Max continued to play with them.

He tried not to think about the others who probably played with

the rings before him. Spencer’s past was behind them and it
wouldn’t do to dwell on it. Max had a past of his own, anyway.

Max slipped the tank top over Spencer’s head. “Damn, Spence,

you are so hot.”

“Yeah? Then show me how hot you think I am.”
He pushed Spencer until he hit the mattress. Reaching for the

waistband of Spencer’s boxers, Max pulled them down his legs
and off to the floor. Now Spencer was fully exposed to his gaze
and Max nearly swallowed his tongue. The man was perfection.
Slim, yet defined with abs of steal and pecs to be admired. A

DEVOTEDLY HIS

45

beautiful long, thick dick lay against Spencer’s leg. And the damn
nipple rings.

“I’m a goddamned idiot,” he muttered. He tore off his own

shirt, discarding it, then went to work on the zipper of his slacks.
And then he remembered something. “Spence, lube and
condoms?”

Spencer bit his lip and leaned up on his elbows. “Bathroom.

Want me to get them?”

“No, you stay here.” Max went to the side of the bed and

leaned down to steal a kiss from Spencer. “Be right back.”

On his way to the small bathroom, he rid himself of his slacks

and boxer briefs. Opening the cabinet under the sink, he scooped
up a bottle of lube and an entire box of condoms. Max figured he
had a lot of time to make up for.

When he returned to the bed, Spencer had his hand wrapped

around his cock and was stroking the shaft slowly. A drop of pre-
cum had appeared on the tip. Max licked his lips. God, he wanted
to taste it.

Crawling onto the mattress, Max positioned himself between

Spencer’s legs and spread his legs. “I have to have this.”

Spencer smiled down at him. “I won’t stop you.”
Max lapped up the pre-cum before closing his mouth over the

spongy mushroom head of Spencer’s cock. Spencer’s hand still
grasped his shaft and he used it to feed his cock deeper into Max’s
mouth. He sucked it farther, loving the taste, bobbing up and down
on the length.

“Oh, God, Max, that’s so good.”
Yeah, it was. He opened his throat, taking Spencer deeper still

while he reached down to his own dick and began to jerk himself.
He wanted Spencer’s cum to fill his mouth and, after that, Max

DEVOTEDLY HIS

46

would immerse himself in Spencer’s ass.

And then, he’d do it all over again and again.
Blindly reaching for the lube, he squirted some out and slipped

a finger inside Spencer’s entrance.

“Oh, oh, fuck.” Spencer gasped and rose slightly off the bed.
Max hummed on the cock in his mouth, which set Spencer into

a series of moans as his whole body shook. He slipped a second
finger into Spencer and thrust them in and out, spreading the tight
hole.

“Max, Max, please, I’m going to—”
Yes, do it. Come.
Hot spunk hit the back of Max’s throat and he did his best to

swallow it all while he continued to use his lubed fingers to loosen
up Spencer.

“Stop, stop, enough.” Spencer pushed at Max’s shoulders,

trying to dislodge him.

Max let Spencer’s spent cock slip out of his mouth. “Okay,

okay.” He laughed. “You’re adorable.”

“Kiss me.”
Max lay across Spencer, chest to chest. “You want to taste

yourself?”

“I want everything,” Spencer said. “Give me everything. Kiss

me.”

With a groan, Max covered Spencer’s mouth with his own,

devouring the plump swollen lips. This…all of this…was so right.
Perfect.

“I want to fuck you,” he said against Spencer’s lips.
“Do it.”
Needing no further urging, Max straightened away from

Spencer long enough to grab a condom packet, rip it open and roll

DEVOTEDLY HIS

47

the condom onto his aching erection. His hands shook. He couldn’t
remember ever wanting anyone as much as he wanted Spencer that
moment. Was this what love was really like?

His cock sheathed, Max lifted Spencer’s legs and wrapped

them around his waist. He looked down at Spencer’s face and
caught his breath. His heart seemed to grow. Max pushed into
Spencer’s hole, past the ring of muscle, balls deep.

And then he was moving, thrusting, pounding into Spencer’s

perfect ass, feeling Spencer tighten around him. His eyes
threatened to close, but he forced them open, wanting to keep
looking at Spencer until he came. Spencer held his gaze and smiled
the sweetest smile Max had ever seen.

God, he loved this man.
And then he was flying, all thinking gone as his brain short-

circuited. Every nerve in his body was in overdrive, as his cock
pulsed and pounded in Spencer’s tight passage.

“Max?”
“Hmm?” He focused on Spencer, his balls drawing impossibly

tight, his chest constricting.

“I love you,” Spencer said softly.
It was his undoing. His thrusts increased, hard and fast, sending

him through an incredible orgasm that tingled up his spine and
spread through every nerve ending. He cried out hoarsely,
screaming Spencer’s name.

Finally, when his cock could not pour out any more into the

condom, Max pulled out and lay beside Spencer, drawing his body
onto Max’s, holding him close and tight. Maybe too tight, but
Spencer didn’t seem to mind.

Spencer’s index finger caressed his cheek. “Hey, what’s this?”
Max saw the wetness on Spencer’s finger, felt the moisture on

DEVOTEDLY HIS

48

his cheek. “I just can’t believe this. That it’s you and me.”

“You don’t want it to be?”
“I want it more than anything in the world,” Max admitted. “I

love you so much it seems unreal. And I hate myself for not
realizing all of this before, for not realizing that you loved me.
We’ve wasted so much time.”

Spencer leaned over him, smiling. “Hey, don’t beat yourself

up. It’s just as much my fault as yours. I should have talked to you
about my feelings a long time ago. And anyway, maybe now is
when it was meant to be. Maybe we needed to come to this point
for it to matter.”

He cupped Spencer’s face. “Do you really believe that?”
“I have to. And anyway, who cares now? We’re together now

and nothing else matters.”

He pulled Spencer down for a deep kiss. “I guess I saved the

best for last, huh?”

DEVOTEDLY HIS

49

EPILOGUE

November

“Hi, Mother, it’s me,” Spencer said when his mother answered

the phone.

“Spencer, I was getting ready to call you. Have you decided

about Switzerland for Christmas?”

“Well, the thing is, I’ve got a new boyfriend.”
“So? Bring him with you. We’ll have to meet him eventually if

you’re serious about him.” She paused. “Are you?”

“Yes.”
“Very well, bring him with you.”
“I don’t think he could take a month off from his practice,

Mother.”

DEVOTEDLY HIS

50

“Practice?”
“He’s a dentist.”
“A dentist? Wait, Spencer, who is this new boyfriend?”
Spencer smiled at Max, who lay in bed next to him, a large grin

on his face. They’d just finished a shower together. Since getting
together they’d spent every night together and as much free time as
they could. Max was already talking about them getting a place
together.

“Max Ramirez.” Max grabbed his hand and kissed his fingers.
“Your friend, Max?”
“The very same.”
“I see. Well, fine, then bring him.”
“I think it’s more likely we’ll have a quiet Christmas together

here, Mother. I love Switzerland, but I think I’m just going to have
to miss it. You and Dad will have a great time, though.”

“Of course we will.” There was another long pause. “I expect

you to bring him to the house for dinner in January. If you’re still
together.”

He rolled his eyes. “We will be.”
“I’ll call you before we leave. Goodbye.”
And that was it. She’d hung up.
“How’d it go?” Max asked, reaching over to massage

Spencer’s shoulders.

“About the same as always. We’re commanded to dinner in

January.”

“January?”
Spencer nodded, chuckling. “Gives you plenty of time to

prepare for it.”

“I’m a big guy. I can handle them.” Max managed to maneuver

him so that he was suddenly under Max. “Now, about

DEVOTEDLY HIS

51

Thanksgiving.”

He drew Max’s head closer so he could kiss him. “I’ll just stay

home alone.”

“Oh, no,” Max said against his lips. “Mama wants us to come

to her house.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Max.”
“Why not?”
“What about your brother, Carlos? He probably won’t come if

we show up together holding hands and waving rainbow flags. I
don’t want to keep him away from his family.”

Max brushed his thumb across Spencer’s lips. “Honey,

whatever you do, whatever we do, Carlos makes his own choices.
We can’t worry about him. Mama wants us there.”

“She also wants your brother there.”
“That’s not on us, that’s on him.” Max kissed him deeply.

“We’re going to be together for the rest of our lives, Spence. He’s
going to need to get used to it.”

He smiled. “The rest of our lives, huh?”
“You have a problem with that?”
“Nope. You’ve just changed your tune quite a bit.” Spencer

studied Max. “I’m very sure I love you.”

“So no doubts?”
Spencer shook his head. “Not a one. You?”
“I can’t imagine being with anyone else but you ever again. No

doubts. So, how about Thanksgiving?”

Spencer laughed. “God, you’re stubborn.”
“Yep.”
“Okay, we’ll go.”
“Great. But we can leave the rainbow flags if it makes you feel

better.”

DEVOTEDLY HIS

52

“Enough talk,” Spencer said, drawing their mouths together.

“Time for sexing me up.”

“Good, because I’ll never get enough of you.”

S

HAWN

L

ANE

Shawn Lane believes love and passion know no boundaries. Shawn
writes both erotic love stories involving men in historical or
contemporary settings and interracial romances between men and
women. Shawn is always looking for new stories and new
characters to create while holding down life in California.

* * *

Don’t miss Sweet Reunion

by Shawn Lane,

available at AmberAllure.com!

Retired from the police force after a tragic shooting, Jason Sweet
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to taking chances, their love is worth it.

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