C

AN

’

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IS

…Roach released Alexi just enough to be able to look at his

beautiful face. “Do you really like to be spanked?”

Alexi grinned wickedly. “Oh, yeah. Come with me.”
He let Alexi lead him to Roach’s bedroom and they undressed each

other quickly. They’d have long enough to linger over such things as
undressing other times. Right now, he wanted Alexi beneath him
naked and hot and begging for release.

Ah, fuck.
Falling onto the bed with Alexi, Roach framed the man’s face with

his hands, lowering his lips to just inches from Alexi’s. Now that the
moment was here he could hardly believe it.

“I’ve wanted to taste your lips for so long,” he whispered.
Alexi cupped his jaw. “What are you waiting for? Kiss me.”
He crushed his mouth to Alexi’s, the plump lips parting under the

assault, a sigh escaping Alexi. God, they were better than he imagined.
He tasted them, over and over, slanting his mouth over Alexi’s like a
starving man. Their tongues twirled, danced, caressed, and, finally,
unable to help himself, Roach sucked Alexi’s tongue into his mouth.

He wanted to spend hours…days…a lifetime like this. But his

leaking prick brushed against Alexi’s thigh, and Alexi reached down
and closed his hand over Roach’s straining shaft.

“Ah, damn, Lex,” he breathed, trapping Alexi’s lips for a

possessive, demanding kiss.

His lust fogged brain struggled for thought. Lube, condoms. He

needed those. He wanted to be buried in Alexi and fast. His palm
itched to feel soft, round flesh jump at contact.

Focus, Roach…

A

LSO

B

Y

S

HAWN

L

ANE

At Long Last

The Beach House

The Best Gift

Car Wash

Galaxy’s Heart

The “His” Series

His One And Only

Hitting It Big

The Impersonator

Jake’s Regret

Lawyers In Love

Manfred’s Curse

Most Likely To Succeed

Only For Him

Only Forever

Only His Heart

Only In His Dreams

The Other Side

Pulling Apart
Pulling Away

Sorcerer’s Lover, I & II

The Squire

Still The One

Sweet Reunion

Ticket To Ride

Twice In A Lifetime

Until The End Of Time

CAN’T BE HIS

BY

SHAWN LANE

A

MBER

Q

UILL

P

RESS

, LLC

http://www.AmberQuill.com

C

AN

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IS

A

N

A

MBER

Q

UILL

P

RESS

B

OOK

This book is a work of fiction.

All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the

author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously.

Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales,

or events is entirely coincidental.

Amber Quill Press, LLC

http://www.AmberQuill.com

All rights reserved.

No portion of this book may be transmitted or

reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in

writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief

excerpts used for the purposes of review.

Copyright © 2011 by Shawn Lane

ISBN 978-1-61124-170-9

Cover Art © 2011 Trace Edward Zaber

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

CAN’T BE HIS

1

CHAPTER 1

“Oh, fuck me, that hurts!”
Alexi Summerville snorted. “I bet it does. Your face is swollen,

your arms are swollen.” He stepped back and stared hard at Roach
Haines, who sat straddling a kitchen chair while Alexi applied first
aid. “In fact, you look like Violet from Willie Wonka and the
Chocolate Factory.”

Roach frowned in confusion. “Who the hell is Violet?”
“The one that blows up like a big blueberry.”
He gasped. “Wait, what? I’m blue?”
Alexi laughed. “Well, no. But you know what I mean. How

many times did the wasps sting you?”

Sighing dramatically, Roach winced when he realized even that

hurt. In all the time Lonnie “Roach” Haines had been working as

CAN’T BE HIS

2

an exterminator, five years to be exact, he’d been in a few mishaps.
Once a rat had chomped his finger—he’d needed shots for that—
and once, in the beginning, he’d accidentally sprayed poison on
himself. He’d gone to the hospital for that. But this one, being
stung by numerous wasps and swelling up like…well, a blueberry,
he guessed, had to be the worst. Felt like it anyway.

“I lost count. Had to be twenty or so. I ran inside Mrs. Cortez’s

house and she slammed the door shut on the bastards.” Roach
shuddered.

Alexi’s adorable pixie face appeared directly in his vision,

close enough for him to make out the pores in his roommate’s
nose. “Why didn’t you go to the hospital?”

Roach shrugged. “Mrs. Cortez wanted to call the paramedics,

but it seemed a bit silly for some stings. I’m not allergic.”

“Well, maybe, but you are swollen up.” Alexi applied a cold

compress to Roach’s forehead. “Maybe I should call my coach and
cancel practice to stay with you.”

Alexi practiced ice skating several hours a day in preparation

for the World Championships coming up in a few months. He’s
already won the silver medal in the United States Championships.

Roach and Alexi had been friends for several years, meeting in

high school, and they weren’t alike at all, really, other than both
having a preference for men. Alexi was slender, graceful, athletic
and beautiful in a pixie sort of way. He had a pert little nose and
full pouty lips, as well as the most intensely blue eyes Roach had
ever seen. That and soft, gorgeous light brown hair that fell in
waves just above his shoulders.

By contrast, Roach, who had been given the nickname when he

had first decided to become an exterminator and who hardly
answered to anything else anymore, had piercings in his eyebrow,

CAN’T BE HIS

3

nose, lip, and nipples. Tattoos covered his arms and chest, and he
wore his brown hair cut short in a sort of military style.

“No, Roger would kill me if I made you miss practice. He’s

already wanting you to move out of this place,” Roach said. The
truth was, he hated Alexi’s coach. The man thought Roach a
terrible influence on his precious Alexi. Maybe Roach liked to
party a bit, but he wouldn’t hurt Alexi for anything.

“Yes, but it’s my choice, not his.” Alexi straightened. “Should I

call the doctor?”

“No, no, Lex. It’s not quite as painful. I think it’s getting

better.”

“Are you sure?” he asked doubtfully.
Roach smiled, even though it hurt. “Yeah.”
At that moment Roach’s business cell phone rang. It was across

the room on the coffee table. Alexi fetched it and brought it to him.

“This is Roach.”
“Hello, this is Lou Cortez. I’m the son of Mrs. Cortez,” a

smooth, deep, sexy voice said over the line.

“Oh, yes, Mr. Cortez, how are you?” He remembered the tall,

gorgeous man who’d hired him on behalf of his mother for her
exterminating needs. Up until that day it had been just spraying for
ants. When he’d arrived for his usual appointment, Mrs. Cortez
had pointed out the wasp’s nest.

“Lou, please. I’m good, but wanted to ask you about yourself.

My mother told me about what happened and that you refused to
go to the hospital. How are you?”

“I’m doing much better, Lou. I’m just sorry I couldn’t get rid of

the nest. I’ve called another exterminator company that specializes
in bees and wasps.” Roach withheld his sigh with effort. “I’m not
really qualified for their extermination.”

CAN’T BE HIS

4

“Understandable. My mother didn’t realize. She said the other

exterminator has already contacted her, so thank you for that.”

“Anyway, I appreciate your concern, but I’ll live,” Roach said

jokingly.

“I’m glad.” Lou hesitated, the silence lagging between them.

Just as Roach went to say something, Lou spoke again. “I was
wondering, when you’re feeling better, if you might like to go to
dinner with me?”

“Dinner?” Roach frowned when he heard something clatter

from the direction of the kitchen.

“Yes. Unless I’m wrong and you’re not gay? Or you’re seeing

someone? Not interested?”

“No, no, I’m interested. And I’m not seeing anyone. Sounds

like a great idea,” Roach said quickly.

“Terrific. I’ll call you on Friday. How does that sound?” Lou

asked.

“I look forward to it. Bye.” Roach ended the call and set the

phone on the dining table. “Lex? You getting ready to go?”

“Getting a snack,” Alexi called from the kitchen. “You

hungry?”

“Yeah, I could eat something, thanks.” He stood and scooted

the chair back against the table. Things were looking up after the
craptastic day he’d had.

He made his way into the kitchen just in time to see Alexi

bending over, looking into the fridge. He wore sweats and a T-
shirt, his usual practice clothes, but even with the baggy sweats,
Roach knew Alexi had a killer round ass. The man was hot as hell
and had starred in more than one of Roach’s fantasies.

When they’d first met in high school, Alexi had already had a

boyfriend, Jonathan. He hadn’t broken up with Jonathan until two

CAN’T BE HIS

5

years after high school ended and Roach had been involved with
George at that point. When Roach ended things with George, Alexi
had been seeing Brandon. It seemed whenever one of them was
free, the other was not. Eventually Roach just accepted they were
destined to only be friends. He knew enough from the guys Alexi
had dated that he liked preppy pretty boys similar to himself and
not tattooed, pierced guys like Roach. Didn’t stop Roach from
continuing to have his fantasies.

Alexi straightened and turned from the fridge with a smile.

“Just going to make some sandwiches.”

“Sounds good.”
“Who was that on the phone?”
“Oh, the lady who owned the house with the wasps?”
“Yeah.”
“Her son. He’s the guy who hired me to do her house. Anyway,

he’s gorgeous and apparently gay because he just asked me out.”

“That’s nice,” Alexi said softly. He poured iced tea into two

glasses and handed one to Roach. “When?”

“He’ll call me Friday. What about you? Are you still hot and

heavy with that guy Sean?”

Alexi rolled his eyes and snorted. “No. He got a little too

rough.”

“Rough?” Roach’s blood chilled. “If he hurt you I’ll—”
“No, no. He didn’t. Not really. I…um…well, I like to be

spanked.” Alexi blushed. “And he got a little carried away. I didn’t
like it, so we ended things. No biggie.”

Roach could barely breathe, thinking of Alexi’s pale round ass

quivering as his hand smacked it over and over. He shook his head
and scowled.

“Are you sure? Because I’ll kick his fucking ass if he did.”

CAN’T BE HIS

6

Alexi laughed, as he spread mustard over salami on the

sandwich. “Positive. I’m okay, Roach.”

He rubbed his face. “Still feels swollen, damn it.”
“Still hurt?”
“A little, but nothing like before.”
“It is still swollen,” Alexi admitted with a smile. “But you

don’t look like Violet anymore.”

“Thank God for small favors anyway.”

CAN’T BE HIS

7

CHAPTER 2

Alexi wiped the sweat from his face with the towel his coach,

Roger Willows, had just handed to him. He was battered and sore
from his practice, but exhilarated, too. The routine was coming
along so well he was almost worried. Maybe it wasn’t difficult
enough to be competitive.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Roger spoke up, handing him a

bottle of water. “You’re wrong. The routine is enough. It’s strong.
You’ll shine.”

His coach had once been a medal figure skater himself, decades

earlier, though he’d never won higher than a bronze himself. He
was a much sought after coach, though, and Alexi had been lucky
to get him back when he’d been hired by Alexi’s American father
and Russian mother, pairs’ figure skaters themselves. Alexi had

CAN’T BE HIS

8

been seven when Roger became his coach.

Alexi nodded and gulped down water. “Are you sure we

shouldn’t ask the choreographer to add another combination? Like
a triple axel triple toe loop? “

Roger rested his hand on Alexi’s shoulder. “It’s a superior

routine, Alexi. And you are a superior skater. When you focus.”

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Alexi said, “I am focusing.”
“You fell a few more times than usual today.”
He draped the towel around his neck and headed toward the

locker room, followed closely by his coach. “It wasn’t because I
wasn’t focused.”

“Then why?”
“It just took me a bit to warm up is all.”
“I think we should talk about a new place for you to live.”

Roger folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the
lockers as Alexi opened his.

“We’ve been over this. There’s nothing wrong with my

apartment. It’s within walking distance of the rink.”

Roger nodded. “True, but I’m thinking of a more drastic

move.”

Alexi’s hand froze on the door of his locker and he turned to

look at his coach. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m thinking Aspen.”
His stomach dropping, Alexi frowned. “Colorado?”
“It’s where I trained. It’s where your mother and father trained

and met.”

“Maybe, but I’ve been training here all my life and I’ve done

well.”

“Yes. A silver medal is commendable.” Roger grabbed up

Alexi’s discarded towel. “But I want a world championship for

CAN’T BE HIS

9

you, Alexi. An Olympic championship. You, of all the skaters I
coach, are the one who can and will do it.”

“But why can’t I just do that here?”
“You need to focus. I want you to think skating twenty-four

hours, seven days a week.” Roger sat on the bench in front of the
lockers. “I know about your feelings.”

Suddenly his heart pounded painfully in his chest. “My f-

feelings?”

“For Roach. You’ve had a crush on him for years.”
“It’s not a crush,” Alexi denied. He sank onto the bench next to

Roger. “Do you think he knows, too?

“I doubt it.” Roger began to knead Alexi’s shoulders. “He

seems oblivious to you, I’m afraid. Think about it, if he’d been
interested in you, he would have acted on it by now. You two have
been friends for years, haven’t you?”

“Yeah.” Alexi hung his head. Only a few minutes before he’d

felt so good and energetic. Now he felt…desolate.

“Just think about it, Alexi. Aspen wouldn’t be forever. Just

until the Olympics. Once you’ve won, you can live anywhere, go
professional. Whatever.”

He nodded, biting his lip. “I’ll…I want to talk to my parents.

See what they think, too.”

Roger smiled. “Of course, of course. I’m sure they’ll want

what’s best for you. Go on and get showered. I’ll drop you by your
apartment on my way home.”

* * *

Alexi walked into his quiet, dark apartment. He guessed Roach

must have felt good enough to go out. No doubt one of Roach’s

CAN’T BE HIS

10

friends had asked him to go down to Tigerheat since it was
Thursday. They always had an event in Hollywood on Thursdays.

He went straight to his bedroom, not bothering to turn any

lights on—he knew the way—and threw his duffel bag in the
corner. This sucked. He didn’t want to go to Aspen, but maybe
Roger was right. It might help his chances at winning the
championships.

But the thought of not seeing Roach, even for a month, let

alone years made him nauseous. How could he leave his best
friend? His heart? It was true Roach would never be his boyfriend,
but he was in his life and that was enough for Alexi. How could he
do it without him?

Miserable, Alexi flounced down on his bed. Was Roger right?

Was he better off in Aspen away from Roach? His heart twisted. It
couldn’t be so.

Eventually, exhaustion claimed him, because he woke with a

start, hearing the front door bang closed.

“Shh, you’ll wake Alexi,” Roach say loudly, then laughed.
Oh, God.
“Who’s Alexi?” a strange guy asked.
“My roommate. Don’t worry about him. Let’s go to my room.”
“Can we fuck there?”
“Oh, yeah.”
Alexi clenched his eyes shut, his chest hurting, his throat raw.

He’d never get used to this. How many nights had he lain awake
listening to similar conversations? Similar one-night stands.
Knowing in the very next room Roach made someone else come.
Fucked someone else. Tasted someone else. Kissed someone else.

It tore him apart.
Aspen might be preferable when times like this happened. The

CAN’T BE HIS

11

door to Roach’s bedroom closed and he heard more drunken
laughter. He should be drunk himself to block this out, but Alexi
didn’t drink. Wasn’t good for his future. Not to mention his
endless hours of practicing.

He squished the pillows around his ears, trying to block out any

noise they might make.

Why was this bugging him so much now? It wasn’t as though

he’d not already been through this. Was it what Roger said today?
Roach would never want him. Alexi always knew that, but having
someone else echo it might have been too much.

When he felt tears sting at the corners of his eyes, Alexi knew

what he had to do. Going away would heal his broken heart.

* * *

In the morning, Alexi made his way out to the kitchen for

coffee just as Roach came out of his room, wearing his
exterminator uniform. All the swelling from the wasp stings had
disappeared, but there were dark circles under his eyes.

“Good morning, Lex.”
Without meeting his gaze, Alexi poured himself coffee from

the coffeepot. Obviously Roach had been out to make the coffee
earlier. “Good morning. Sleep well?”

Roach yawned. “Well enough. Pour me one, too, will you?”
He nodded and took out another mug from the cabinet. He

hesitated. “Does your…friend want one, too?”

Roach chuckled. “Nah, he’s gone already.”
Alexi swallowed the lump in his throat and poured the coffee.

“Listen, later, when you have a free moment?”

“Yeah?”

CAN’T BE HIS

12

“We need to talk.”
Roach tilted his head. “Talk? Is there a problem with our bills

or something? Am I not paying enough?”

Alexi winced at the reminder he didn’t really pay anything

himself. His share of the rent, the bills, all of it, was handled by his
father. His parents wanted him to concentrate fully on ice skating
and not working. The medals, the championship, were all that
mattered to any of them.

“No, no, Roach. It’s not that. It’s…something else.”
“I have to get to work soon. I’ll call you later. That guy, Lou,

said he’d call today to set up our date.”

Gritting his teeth against the painful reminder, Alexi forced a

smile. “Yeah, whenever. Just soon, okay? Sometime this
weekend.”

Roach smiled and took a large swallow of coffee. “You got it,

Lex. I better run. Talk later.”

“Have a good day,” he forced out brightly.
When Roach had left, Alexi went to the couch with the phone

and sank down amongst the bulky overstuffed throw pillows.

Hitting the speed dial for his parents, he waited through the

rings.

“Hello, Alexi,” his mother’s soft Russian accented voice

answered.

“Good morning. Did I wake you?”
“No, I rise early still. I’ve been on the treadmill already. How

are you, my darling?”

Alexi closed his eyes. “I’m all right. I’ve been talking to my

coach.”

“You are practicing every day, Alexi?”
“Of course, Mom. But, he thinks maybe some time in Aspen

CAN’T BE HIS

13

might be beneficial.”

Silence greeted this announcement and, holding his breath, he

waited for his mother to react.

“I see,” she said after a while.
Alexi was his parents’ only child. Though the figure skating

pair had won the American Championship twice, they had never
been able to medal in their three Olympic appearances. Just as with
his coach, Alexi felt the burden of outdoing all of them. Their
dreams, their wishes, all rested with him.

He wanted it. He did or he never would have come this far. But

sometimes it was hard to breathe with the pressure weighing on
him.

“What do you think?” he asked when she didn’t say anything

else.

“I’ll miss you,” she said softly.
“But you think I should go?”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Alexi. This is a decision you

must make. Your papa and I will support whatever you decide, but
you are old enough to make that choice.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. He had expected his mother

to make the decision for him. Well, not exactly. But he hoped for a
strong opinion in favor of Aspen. One that would make him decide
he had to agree.

“I should, right?”
“Did you call for me to tell you what to do?”
“Maybe.”
“Alexi, you are a fantastic skater. Better than either me or Papa.

Better than your coach, too. The best, I think, out there now. But I
am not exactly objective.” She laughed. “As much as I adore you
and am proud of you, you are an adult. You choose.”

CAN’T BE HIS

14

“Fine. You were supposed to help me.” Alexi was aware he

was pouting but he couldn’t help himself. This was supposed to be
easy. “It’ll be more money.”

“True. We have it though.”
“I’ll be away from home, my friends, Ro—” He stopped. “It

will be hard.”

“Yes. But it will be a good experience, too.”
And it would put the much needed distance between him and

Roach. He was never going to move on from the idea of Roach if
he didn’t get his ass away from living with the man. Who was he
kidding?

“All right. I’ll do it. I’m going to tell Roger.”

CAN’T BE HIS

15

CHAPTER 3

Roach walked into the apartment at five minutes after seven

that night. It had been a long day. Because he’d lost some of the
day before after being stung by the wasps, he’d had to put in some
extra stops not normally on the Friday schedule. He was exhausted
and just wanted a long hot shower. Fortunately his date with Lou
wouldn’t be until tomorrow night.

“Lex? You home?”
“In here,” Alexi called from the kitchen.
Roach walked into the kitchen, always anxious to see Alexi

after a long day. The sight of the man always made his day better.
Alexi was holding a mug, bobbing a teabag in and out of the
steaming hot water.

“God, I’m tired.”

CAN’T BE HIS

16

Alexi nodded. “Me, too. My workout was hard today.”
“Your coach works you too hard sometimes.” Roach grabbed a

water from the fridge. He never had liked Roger. There was
something kind of slimy about the guy. He thought so anyway.

“I need it if I’m to win.”
“I’m going to get a shower. You want to have that talk when

I’m done?”

“You aren’t going out tonight?”
Roach shook his head. “Too tired. Made the date with Lou for

tomorrow. You?”

“Nah. No one I’m interested in right now.”
He knew that about Alexi. The man didn’t pick up casual

flings. He liked relationships and was uncomfortable in clubs and
bars.

“Okay, give me thirty minutes.”
“All right.”
Roach couldn’t help wondering what Alexi wanted to talk

about the entire time he showered. If it wasn’t about money, what
could it be? He tried to make sure he picked up his messes. He did
the shit around the apartment that was his responsibility.

He frowned, soaping up his body. He washed the arm with the

most recent tattoo, a rather comical cartoon cockroach that covered
his left biceps. That one had been done on a dare and had gotten a
lot of laughs from his friends. He had a snake on the right biceps.

He toweled off after the shower and dressed in flannel pajama

bottoms and a tank top and went out to find Alexi. He found him
sitting cross-legged on the couch, sipping his tea and idly changing
channels on the television with the remote.

“Here I am, all squeaky clean,” Roach joked. He plopped down

next to Alexi and, taking the remote from his hand, hit the off

CAN’T BE HIS

17

button. “What’s up? It’s been a while since we’ve talked.”

“Yeah.”
“Someone hurt you? If they did I swear—”
Alexi sighed. “No, Roach. And I can take care of myself

anyway. I don’t need you to beat anyone up.”

His gut tightened at the idea of Alexi not needing him for

anything. If he didn’t need Roach for muscle, what use was he?

“What is it then?”
“There isn’t an easy way to say this so I’m just going to get

straight to it, Roach. I’m going to be moving to Aspen, Colorado.”

Roach felt like he’d been sucker-punched. His heart slammed

against his ribs, his breath caught. His brain fractured, and he
couldn’t form words. He just stared, wondering when numbness
would come and make the pain go away.

Alexi fidgeted. “You aren’t saying anything.”
“I—”
“I know it’s kind of a shock, but Roger thinks with the

championship coming up soon it’s time to focus, and he’s trained
in Aspen himself. Lots of skaters do.”

“Roger thinks,” Roach repeated. “What do you think? You

want to do this? Leave the only home you’ve ever known? Your
parents?”

Me?
“I think it’s a good thing, too. I don’t want to leave Los

Angeles, but I’m going to need to train pretty much nonstop now
until the next Olympics.”

Roach clenched his hands into fists. “And you can’t train here?

You’ve always trained here. That’s why we got this apartment so
close to the rink.”

“The choreographer lives there. She’s been coming to us when

CAN’T BE HIS

18

we ask her, but with us right there she can spend more time with
us. Make sure the routine is perfect.”

“So Roger says, right?” He tried to keep the bitterness out of

his tone but he knew from the tightening of Alex’s shoulders he
hadn’t succeeded.

“I think Roger knows what’s best for my career, Roach. He’s

trained many medalists. He’s one of the best around.”

Fuck, Alexi had decided. He wasn’t asking Roach what he

thought, he was telling him what was going to happen. He didn’t
care about what Roach thought. He was just up and leaving
without caring.

Roach nodded. “Okay. Well.”
“That’s all you have to say?”
He shrugged, trying to be as casual and nonchalant as Alexi.

“What else is there to say? Um, I guess, when?”

“Next month. Hopefully you can find another roommate by

then.”

He could find a million roommates but he wouldn’t find

another Alexi. He wanted to get drunk and die is what he wanted.
But what he did was put his hand on Alexi’s leg and squeeze it.
Then he stood.

“I think I’m going to head off to bed early. I’m really tired. It’s

been a long week. Night, Lex.”

Alexi sighed. There was a deep sadness in that sigh that Roach

wondered if he should pay attention to more than he was.
“Goodnight, Roach.”

* * *

“So then I said—”

CAN’T BE HIS

19

Roach was reminded of the comic strip Peanuts where the kids

heard nothing but wah-wah-wah when the adults talked. It wasn’t
Lou’s fault. The man was a gorgeous, sexy police detective.
Interesting and charming. Any guy would be lucky as hell to get
Lou’s attention.

But he wasn’t Alexi.
All he could think of during the entire dinner was that he

couldn’t stand the idea of Alexi leaving. He’d barely heard a word
Lou said and he felt like a gigantic ass.

“You aren’t listening to a word I’m saying, are you?” Lou

asked, smiling slightly.

The glass of wine he’d lifted to his lips froze mere inches from

his mouth. “I’m…I’m sorry.”

Lou waved his hand. “At least you didn’t bother to lie.”
Roach lowered his wine glass to the table. “It’s not you.”
“Oh, Christ, I’m getting the it’s not you, it’s me speech on the

first date,” Lou joked. “Lucky me.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Roach felt himself flush.
“There’s someone else, huh?”
“Yeah.”
Lou nodded. “I hoped that it wasn’t you didn’t find me

attractive at least.”

“Are you kidding? You’re gorgeous.” And he was, too. Tall,

dark and handsome in a sexy macho Latino sort of way that would
normally melt Roach’s insides. But he wasn’t a graceful brunet
ice-skater with sky blue eyes to die for.

“And you agreed to go out with me why?” Lou asked.
“A fair question. I thought I could do this. You know, the guy,

he’s not into me. I’ve known him for years and we’ve always only
been friends. We’ve always done our own thing as far as guys are

CAN’T BE HIS

20

concerned.”

“Hmm. And so what’s changed now?”
“He’s leaving. I guess it’s hit me pretty hard. I’m sorry.” Roach

sighed. “And I keep saying that.”

“Win some lose some. It’s not a big deal, Roach. It’s our first

date, I’ll live. Have you ever told this guy how you feel?”

“Well, no. But I’m not his type. And he’s never shown any

interest in me.”

“And you’ve never shown any in him, right?” Lou smirked.
Roach swallowed. “Yeah.”
“I’m not Dear Abby or anything, and I’m not even sure why I

care, but why don’t you get your head out of your ass and tell this
guy how you feel before he leaves?” Lou stopped the waiter
passing by. “Check, please.”

* * *

Roach stood outside the door of his and Alexi’s apartment and

wondered if he had the guts to really do this.

What do you have to lose?
He couldn’t lose more than he was already losing. He twisted

the knob and walked inside.

“Roach?” Alexi stood up from the couch, frowning. Like the

night before, he wore a T-shirt, sweats and white tube socks.
“You’re home early.”

“Yeah.” His heart rose to his throat. He stared hungrily at

Alexi, unable to look away from the sight of the man’s light brown
hair all mussed and falling in his eyes. His plump, tempting lips
parted slightly in surprise. His cheeks flushed pink. The man was
perfection.

CAN’T BE HIS

21

“Everything all right?” Alexi asked.
“No.”
“Roach, what the hell is wrong? You look like hell. You’re all

pale.” Alexi tossed the remote he’d held in his hand onto the couch
and walked over to Roach. “What is it?”

“Please…don’t leave me,” he said hoarsely.
“What?”
“Don’t leave. I want you to stay. I know…I know I have no

right to ask. But I am asking. I’m begging, Lex.”

“I don’t understand,” Alexi whispered, looking stricken.
“I know you don’t. I’m an idiot.” Roach ran his hand over his

short-cropped hair. “I know I shouldn’t do this to you. I know how
much skating means to you. But, you’ve trained here all your life.
You’re a medalist now. There’s nothing wrong with the rink you
train at. Lots of champions have trained there. And the
choreographer…if you need her more often, we’ll pay for her to fly
here. Please, Lex, I can’t have you leave me. Not like this.”

“You—is there…?” Alexi shook his head. “What is it you’re

not saying, Roach?”

Roach closed his eyes briefly. Here it was. Taking the biggest

chance of his life and he was scared shitless. But if he could
survive crazed wasps, surely he could survive this. He opened his
eyes and met Alexi’s gaze.

“I love you, Alexi. I’ve loved you for a long time and I was just

too afraid to tell you. I didn’t want things to be awkward between
us. I didn’t want to lose you by telling you how I felt, but now I’m
losing you anyway. Please. Tell me you’ll give me a chance.”

Alexi gave a little gasp and then threw his arms around Roach,

hugging him tight. “I love you, too.”

Roach crushed the slighter man to him, so tight he was almost

CAN’T BE HIS

22

afraid he was squashing him, but he didn’t loosen his grip. He
closed his eyes and inhaled the scent that was Alexi. “God, I love
you. I can’t believe you love me, too.”

“I do,” Alexi said fiercely.
Swallowing a lump, Roach sighed. “We’re a couple of fools.

Look at all the time we wasted.”

Alexi nodded against him. “I know. Let’s not waste anymore.

Make love to me.”

And just like that, Roach’s dick hardened. The prospect of

fucking Alexi’s tight ass made him light-headed. And then there
was that thing Alexi had mentioned before.

He released Alexi just enough to be able to look at his beautiful

face. “Do you really like to be spanked?”

Alexi grinned wickedly. “Oh, yeah. Come with me.”
He let Alexi lead him to Roach’s bedroom and they undressed

each other quickly. They’d have long enough to linger over such
things as undressing other times. Right now, he wanted Alexi
beneath him naked and hot and begging for release.

Ah, fuck.
Falling onto the bed with Alexi, Roach framed the man’s face

with his hands, lowering his lips to just inches from Alexi’s. Now
that the moment was here he could hardly believe it.

“I’ve wanted to taste your lips for so long,” he whispered.
Alexi cupped his jaw. “What are you waiting for? Kiss me.”
He crushed his mouth to Alexi’s, the plump lips parting under

the assault, a sigh escaping Alexi. God, they were better than he
imagined. He tasted them, over and over, slanting his mouth over
Alexi’s like a starving man. Their tongues twirled, danced,
caressed, and, finally, unable to help himself, Roach sucked
Alexi’s tongue into his mouth.

CAN’T BE HIS

23

He wanted to spend hours…days…a lifetime like this. But his

leaking prick brushed against Alexi’s thigh, and Alexi reached
down and closed his hand over Roach’s straining shaft.

“Ah, damn, Lex,” he breathed, trapping Alexi’s lips for a

possessive, demanding kiss.

His lust fogged brain struggled for thought. Lube, condoms. He

needed those. He wanted to be buried in Alexi and fast. His palm
itched to feel soft, round flesh jump at contact.

Focus, Roach.
“You make me feel like this is my first time,” Roach said,

laughing. “I want you so damn much.”

“Take me,” Alexi whispered, the look in his blue eyes so

intense Roach almost forgot to breathe.

“Stay here.” Reluctantly he rose from the bed, from the warmth

of Alexi’s body, to grab the lube and a condom from the bathroom.
When he returned to the bed, Alexi had turned over and lay on his
stomach, displaying the most perfect, round, pale globes of flesh
he had ever seen.

Clenching his fists, Roach fought for control. He wanted to slap

his hand across that bottom so bad he could almost feel the sting
on his palm. But he was also so fucking turned on he didn’t want
to get carried away and scare him off. He could still recall Alexi
mentioning Sean getting too rough.

For a moment, jealousy filled his heart, thinking of other men

with Alexi. But that was in the past. Their past. No one would be
with Alexi now but him. And it would be the same for him. He
only wanted Alexi.

“Roach?”
“Yeah. I just can’t get over how perfect you are.” He knelt on

the bed next to Alexi and trailed lube he squeezed out from the

CAN’T BE HIS

24

bottle between Alexi’s cheeks. The sight of the liquid glistening on
that pale skin had him shaking with need. He stroked his own cock,
desperate for the momentary relief.

His palm came down softly on Alexi’s right butt cheek.
“Mmm.” Alexi moaned, wiggling his ass. “More. Please.”
Smack! Smack! Smack!
He wanted to spank Alexi more, prolong it for him, but he

couldn’t wait. He sheathed his cock with the condom and then
added more lube to Alexi’s crease.

“Later, after we get some relief, Lex, I’ll spank you all night if

you want.”

Alexi laughed. “I’ll hold you to that. And I’m going to want to

play with your nipple piercings.”

He groaned just thinking about Alexi tugging on his rings. “I’ll

hold you to that.”

“Fuck me.”
Roach stuck a finger inside Alexi’s reddened ass, moving it in

and out of the tight opening. He didn’t know whose groan was
louder. It was pure torture.

Adding a second finger, he spread Alexi wide, stroking his

fingers deeper, more easily.

“Reach underneath and touch yourself, Lex,” Roach urged.
Alexi nodded eagerly and lifted up enough to slide his hand

between the mattress and his body. He shook as his hand grasped
his cock.

God, Roach wanted to taste that cock. There was so damn

much he wanted to do with Alexi.

Everything.
He slipped in a third finger and knew he had to enter Alexi

soon. His own cock was so hard he knew he’d explode if he waited

CAN’T BE HIS

25

much longer.

“Lex?”
Was that raw, desperate croak really from him?
“Yes, please, Roach. Do it.”
Groaning, he withdrew his fingers. Before he replaced them

with his cock though, he leaned over Alexi’s graceful back and
placed kisses all along Alex’s spine.

“Roach, please,” Alexi begged, quivering.
“Anything, Lex. Anything for you.”
He posed himself between the perfect cheeks and pushed

inside. The tightness squeezed him for a moment, resisting the
intrusion, and Alexi stiffened.

“Easy, let me in.”
Alexi nodded, burying his face in the mattress, moaning,

continuing to stroke his own cock. He loosened up, allowing
Roach to fully penetrate him and slide all the way in.

God, he was fucking Alexi. And it felt so damn right it was

scary.

Roach held himself up over Alexi, his muscles flexing as he

thrust in and out of the tightness, not wanting to crush the slighter
man.

Again and again he thrust in and pulled out, seeking to touch

every inch of Alexi’s ass. Every angle, brushing his prostate as
often as he could. The man’s soft whimpers pushed him on, over
and over.

Roach was desperate for release, but he wouldn’t come before

Alexi. Even if it killed him. Beads of sweat formed on his
forehead, droplets spilling into his eyes, to burn and sting. Still he
rammed Alexi. His arms shook with the effort to hold him. Again
and again he slammed into the warm, tight ass of his lover.

CAN’T BE HIS

26

“Lex?”
“Mmm?”
“Please tell me you’re close.”
“Uh-huh. Gonna come.”
“Thank God, please.”
Alexi shook beneath him as he cried out his release.
“Oh, fuck, damn, Lex!” Roach pounded fast and hard, thrusting

through the shattering orgasm that sent tremors through every
nerve of his body.

“I love you,” he gasped out, before his arms collapsed and he

fell onto Alexi.

A while later, after discarding the used condom, Roach held

Alexi to him, squeezing him as tight as he dared, feeling their still
rapid heartbeats as bare skin touched bare skin.

“What about Aspen? What about Roger?” he asked, his

stomach souring thinking of the possibility of Alexi still going to
Colorado. After all, he hadn’t yet said he wouldn’t.

Alexi smiled. “You were right. I’ll train here. I’ll make it work.

It has to. Roger will just have to deal. He will, because he wants
me to win. He’ll agree. I love you and I’m staying here.”

“This can’t be happening. It feels like a dream,” Roach

admitted. Kissing Alexi desperately all over again, he whispered,
“Please, tell me this is real.”

“It’s very real, Roach.” Alexi smiled and drew their mouths

together again.

And to think only a few hours ago he’d been certain Alexi

could never be his.

S

HAWN

L

ANE

Shawn Lane believes love and passion know no boundaries.

Shawn writes both erotic love stories involving men in historical or
contemporary settings and interracial romances between men and
women. Shawn is always looking for new stories and new
characters to create while holding down life in California.

* * *

Don’t miss Lost Between

by Shawn Lane,

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Famous horror author Curtis Macintyre has recently rented an
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Now with Robbie’s help, it’s up to Curtis to find out what
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