Emma NCIS Fanfic History Revisited

History Rev

History Revisited

isited

Emma

Summary:

Tony never did discuss what happened during that two days when

he was alone in Maui.

Warning: Contains child abuse but probably not until lat

Warning: Contains child abuse but probably not until later chapters.

er chapters.

Chapter 1

Gibbs liked to watch people. He did it subtly, while their heads were bowed, engaged in
conversation or simply not paying attention. That's what made him a good investigator, he
picked up on the things people didn't want to know and the things that others didn't notice.
However the person that he observed the most was not a suspect or witness, nor a stranger in
the streets but rather a person that he had known for almost eight years – his senior field
agent, one Anthony DiNozzo.

As a result of many years spent silently watching Tony, Gibbs now understood the many
complexities that made up his personality. He understood how when Tony was feeling insecure
or unwanted he would play up, acting immature and annoying just to get some attention
regardless if it was good or bad. He understood how when Tony was truly pleased with
something a small smile would appear, completely different to the large cocksure smile that
normally graced his face. He understood how when Tony was hurt, really hurt, he would
downplay whatever injuries he had but should he get a paper cut or a scratch the whole
building would be made aware.

Tony however was just as good as gathering information as Gibbs was but he did it with a
completely different method. Tony talked to people, he drew information out of them with a
friendly ease that made many people envious. His easy going nature and natural good looks
were dangerous weapons when it came to extracting information, suspects often forgot that it
was a federal agent that they were talking to and gave away vital information without realising
it. Tony was lethal when it came to undercover work. He could become anyone that he wanted
to without any trouble at all, a talent which often leaked into his everyday life. Tony knew that
Gibbs saw right through him that he didn't buy the frat boy personality that he put up but for
Tony it was a too bigger risk to really let him in.

Each Monday morning in the bullpen was the same. Gibbs would walk into the bullpen with a
fresh cup of coffee to hear Tony retelling the story of his weekend with enthusiasm to both
McGee and Ziva, who will both pretend to be fed up with him but secretly enjoy his antics.
He'd head slap Tony at least once before they get called out to a case or get buried in the
paper work that is constantly covering his desk. However this Monday was different, as he left
the elevator and walked towards his team there was no loud chatter or eager banter.

Rounding the corner Gibbs saw McGee and Ziva giving each other worried looks while Tony
worked silently at his desk, his normally impeccable appearance ruined by dark circles under
his eyes and hair sticking up in all directions as if he'd been running his fingers roughly
through it. Deciding to keep quiet for now Gibbs sat down at his desk and began to make
headway on the stack of paper piled up on his desk. Ziva however had other ideas on how to
approach this decidedly quiet DiNozzo. Walking over to Tony's desk, she perched on the edge
peering at him until he finally looked up with a questioning glance.

"Busy weekend, hmm, Tony?" Ziva asked eyes running over the messy hair and rumpled suit.

Normally Gibbs would have expected Tony to lean back in his chair and leer up at Ziva coming
up with some quick reply laced with innuendo. Instead, Tony simply went back to his
computer with a muttered "Not really."

Mystified Ziva went to try again but after noticing Gibbs staring at her she slipped of Tony's
desk and walked back to her own.

Tony was aware of the questioning glances of his colleagues but couldn't bring himself to care.
He was tired, too tired to put on his mask and play the clown. The events of the weekend had
thrown him completely off kilter and the walls that he had built, the defenses that he had used

to protect himself were cracking and he couldn't bring himself to care. But he couldn't let
anyone else know just how shaken up he was.

"Pull yourself together" he thought angrily. "Just pretend you had a wild weekend and sort it
out later."

He got up and muttered something about the bathroom to Gibb's questioning glance and
made his way over to the men's room.

Leaning over the bathroom sink Tony splashed water over his face and breathed in deeply.

"You alright?" Starting, Tony looked up to see Gibbs leaning against the door staring at him.

"Fine, I'm Fine, Boss," Tony replied looking away. He couldn't look at Gibbs. Gibbs would know
that something was up and he'd get it out of him.

"You don't look fine to me, DiNozzo," Gibbs stated running his eyes over him, focusing on the
pale skin and shaking hands. Striding over and grasping Tony's shoulders Gibbs forced him
around, tucking a finger under his chin and moving his head until his green eyes were meeting
Gibbs blue ones. "What happened?"

"Nothing," Tony muttered, his eyes not meeting Gibb's. A slap to the back of Tony's head
bought their eyes back in contact.

"Want to try that again?" Gibbs asked "without lying, this time."

Sighing, Tony moved away and looked back in the bathroom mirror. "My Father gave me a
surprise visit this weekend and funnily enough the reunion didn't go so well."

Gibbs sighed and grabbed Tony's shoulder, ignoring the way that it felt to have the younger
agent in such close proximity. "He still in town?"

"Nope. And I don't think I'll see him for another eighteen years after how this meeting went,"
said Tony with a wry smile. "But I'll be fine, Boss. Really."

Gibbs hadn't spent the past eight years watching DiNozzo for nothing so he was well aware
that he was lying. Something else had gone down that weekend. Gibbs had no doubt that
Tony's Father was involved, Tony had taken his rules to heart and as a result he was always
specific when he lied. But Gibbs also knew that pushing Tony would just make things worse
and so he decided on giving the younger man some sense of normality. "Alright then,
DiNozzo," he said squeezing Tony's shoulder lightly and tapping the back of his head "Back to
work."

"Aye, aye, Captain," Tony replied with a smile. "Just give me a sec and I'll be ready for
action."

Gibbs snorted and walked out of the bathroom. Only when the bathroom door fully clicked
shut did Tony let the small smile slip off his face. Rolling his sleeves up Tony let the cool water
run over his bruised wrists and sighed. He was screwed; he could tell that Gibbs didn't buy
everything that he said. It was only a matter of time until he confronted him about it.

Chapter 2

Tony sighed as he walked through his apartment door. It had been a long day at work and
with no case it meant that he'd had nothing to distract him from thinking about his Father and
what he'd learned. Christ, he didn't want to remember; just the thought of it was making him
feel sick. Before he knew it he was racing into the bathroom and chucking up the contents of
his stomach. He was sweating and shaking and couldn't stop retching, being at work had only
delayed his reaction to the events of the weekend. Tony didn't now how long he sat hunched
over the toilet but he soon heard his front door unlock and someone walk in. He knew
instantly who it was; there was only one person whom he had trusted enough to give his front
door key to.

As Gibbs walked into the bathroom his eyes took in the appearance of the younger man
leaning over the toilet. Tony's hair was plastered to his forehead and the smell of vomit
permeated the air around him. "Aw, hell, DiNozzo," Gibbs sighed as crouched down and
brushed the younger mans hair out of his eyes. "What am I going to do with you?"

Tony couldn't keep the relief away as he leant into Gibb's caress, he always felt protected and
safe around the older man. He couldn't muster enough energy to respond, he just closed his
eyes and let Gibbs take charge.

"Come on, Tony, lets get you cleaned up," Gibbs said as he pulled Tony up from his position
on the floor. Flushing the toilet and pulling the lid down, Gibbs gently sat Tony on top.
Grabbing a wash cloth from the sink and soaking it in warm water, Gibbs then proceeded to
wash the younger mans face.

Tony ignored everything apart from Gibbs. He focused on his touch, his smell. Just having
Gibbs near him was enough to keep the thoughts away. But not enough to make him forget.
Gibbs looked at Tony and saw the exhaustion that radiated off him and sighed. Maybe letting
Tony work throughout the day hadn't been the best move. Whatever it was that was plaguing
the younger man was obviously much worse than what he originally thought. Gibbs hadn't
meant to let himself care so much for Tony but somehow he had managed to slip between
every defense Gibbs had and it was horrible to see the normally happy and enthusiastic man
so down. Right now he could see that the best thing for Tony was rest – he looked almost as
bad as he did during the weeks following the plague.

"Right, DiNozzo, lets get you in bed."

Without thinking, Tony replied, "Would have been in it years ago if you'd asked, Boss."

Gibbs froze as did Tony once he realized what he'd said.

"Ah, Boss, that came out wrong. I'm sorry can we, ah, just pretend I never said that," Tony
stuttered, eyes now firmly fixed on the floor and face tinged a slight red.

"That depends, Tony."

"On what?"

"On whether or not you meant I,t" said Gibbs.

Tony's head shot up and his eyes locked on Gibbs. He didn't look angry if anything he looked
almost hopeful.

"What happens if I did?" Tony tentatively asked.

Giving a small smile Gibbs tucked his finger under Tony's chin, "That's a good thing then."

Tony's mind was racing; Gibbs couldn't possibly be interested in having a relationship with
him. People didn't want long term with him. Sex he could understand, people always wanted
sex from him but not commitment. He had tried enough times by now and he knew sex was
all he was good for.

Gibbs could see, as Tony once again averted his eyes, the different emotions that flickered on
the younger mans face, the self deprecation and loathing.

"Hey" Gibbs said tapping the back of Tony's head lightly "we'll sort it out in the morning, ok?

"Ok," Tony responded, relieved.

Gibbs walked with Tony down the hall and into the bedroom. As they entered Tony grabbed a
pair of sweats from the chair across from the bed.

"I'm just, ah, gonna hit that sack, Boss," he said quickly "you don't have to stay."

Gibbs stared. "I'm not leaving," he said firmly. "I'll sleep on the couch."

"Really, Boss, I'm fine. You don't have to baby sit me, I'm sure you want to work on your boat
or whatever else it is you do in your spare time."

Gibbs chuckled "I do have other interests as well as the boat you know."

"Like what? Asked Tony, "work?"

"No, not work" said Gibbs.

"Right, sure, Boss. Whatever you say. Drinking bourbon doesn't count you know."

"DiNozzo. Shut it," said Gibbs trying not to smile, "you got any blankets in here I can borrow?"

"Ah, yea sure Boss," Tony said grabbing some off the bed.

"You won't get cold?" said Gibbs eyeing the large bundle being thrust into his arms.

"I'll be fine, Boss; it's the least I could do seeing as I'm making you sleep on the couch."

"You're not making me do anything I don't want to do. Stop worrying," said Gibbs
exasperated. "Now go to bed."

"On it, Boss. Yell if you need anything."

"Night, DiNozzo" replied Gibbs walking towards the door. "Oh, and Tony" pausing on his way
out "we are talking about everything in the morning, got it?"

"Got it, Boss."

Gibbs turned and made his way out of Tony's bedroom and walked towards the living room.
Ziva and McGee would probably be surprised if they saw Tony's apartment Gibbs thought as
he took off his jacket. It wasn't the bachelor pad that people thought it was. It was tastefully
decorated, of course, with a large television as the main piece in the living room. There were
no empty beer bottles or pizza boxes and no stacks of porn or dirty magazines to be seen.
Gibbs chuckled, that would certainly surprise Ziva he thought. He knew for a fact that Ziva
was convinced Tony was as straight as an arrow. Mind you before tonight Gibbs had pretty
much thought the same. Thinking about Tony and the past day bought a frown to Gibb's face.
Whatever had happened to Tony it was bad. He had never seen the younger man shaken.
Even after the plague and Kate's death, Tony had kept it together.

Sighing as he settled down on the couch, Gibbs was glad that he had spent a good deal of
time observing Tony. He hoped that it would enable him to help Tony through whatever had
happened to cause the reaction that he had seen tonight. Staring up at the roof Gibbs thought
over what Tony had said, "Would have been in it year ago if you'd asked, Boss." He couldn't
believe Tony could actually want him. The young man could have anyone he wanted – male or
female. That being said Gibbs wasn't about to let the opportunity to have Tony for himself go.

Gibbs knew that it wasn't going to be easy that Tony definitely had issues that they needed to
work through. Frowning again as he rolled over "Starting with his Father," he thought aloud.
Many things crossed Gibbs mind as he thought about what could have happened between
Tony and his Father, none of which were pleasant. "And" Gibbs thought "if I find out he's done
any of them to Tony, he won't know what hit him." With these thoughts all whirling around
inside his head Gibbs finally drifted off to an uneasy sleep.

Down the hall Tony wasn't having much luck in sleeping. "You're lucky he didn't fire you on
the spot, you idiot. There is no way that Leroy Jethro Gibbs would want any sort of
relationship with you outside of work."

A hopeful voice in the back of his head spoke up "Then why's he here?"

"Because he's a good Boss and doesn't want me screwing up on the job, that why," Tony
thought angrily.

Tony couldn't let himself believe for a second that Gibbs could honestly want him. He could
dream about it, hell he'd even jerked off to it but he couldn't afford to let himself actually
believe it. It would hurt too much when it turned out not to be true. Turning on his side, Tony
tried to sleep but couldn't. He knew when he closed his eyes that everything would come
back. He couldn't escape it when he was asleep. The hotel in Maui. His father’s involvement.

"Stop. Just stop," Tony repeated to himself, his own personal mantra. He still felt sick thinking
about it. Rolling back onto his back Tony tried to keep his mind preoccupied with other things
– the case they'd closed last week, new names to call McGee, anything to keep his mind from
returning to those dark thoughts that resided inside of him. Tony knew that as soon as he fell
asleep those thoughts would escape and he'd be powerless to stop them. With that in mind he
eventually fell into a fitful sleep.

Chapter 3

Gibbs awoke with a start. Sitting up he wiped his hand over his face and listened to figure out
what had woke him. He soon realized that he could hear whimpering coming from down the
hall. Getting up he walked down the hall and into Tony's room. Looking in he could see that
Tony was in the throws of a nightmare and from the looks of it, a bad one. Tony was yet again
drenched in sweat and was curled up in a fetal position with tears streaking his cheeks. He
walked over to Tony and cautiously tried to shake him awake.

"Tony, wake up. You're ok, it’s just a nightmare," he whispered.

Tony could hear someone talking to him but it wasn't enough to wake him. He couldn't get
out. He could still feel their hands all over him, touching him, hurting him. He could still hear
them laughing, laughing as he tried to get away. He couldn't fight them off; no matter how
hard he tried to fight they always won. They always got him.

Gibbs could see that his approach wasn't working and if anything the dream was getting
worse. Tony was whimpering louder now, pushing himself away from Gibbs touch. Gibbs
resorted to the only method he knew that would wake Tony up for certain. He slapped the
back of Tony's head.

"DiNozzo, wake up!"

That did it. Tony shot awake and pushed himself as far away from Gibbs as he could. His
green eyes were wild and Gibbs could see that Tony was terrified and was most likely
confused due to having been woken up so suddenly.

Tony knew that it was Gibbs who had been holding his shoulder, that it was Gibbs who had
woken him up. He knew that Gibbs wouldn't hurt him but he couldn't erase the feeling of the
hands that had previously been roaming his body. Hands that had been holding him down.
Breathing heavily he willed himself to calm down, to stop panicking.

Gibbs cautiously moved forward. He could see that Tony was struggling to calm down.

"DiNozzo, it’s alright just take deep breaths."

They waited while Tony struggled to calm his breathing. After several minutes the younger
man swiped his arm over his face, wiping away the tears that he hadn't realized were still
falling. He relaxed slightly as the memories of the dream drifted back into the back of his
mind. Not forgotten, just put away.

"Sorry, Boss, didn't mean to wake you," he murmured.

Gibbs sighed. This wasn't going to be something he could handle with a head slap and a
barked order. But now wasn't the time to get anything out of Tony. He could see that the
younger man was still exhausted and was scared.

"It's fine, DiNozzo. You think you can go back to sleep?"

Tony looked away "Yea. I'm sure I'll be sound asleep as soon as my head hits the pillows. You
can go back to bed, Boss. I'm fine".

"DiNozzo," Gibbs stated firmly "look me in eyes and answer honestly."

Green eyes warily met ice blue "Sorry, Boss. Uh, I'll probably take a while to get back to
sleep."

"Would it be better if I stayed?" Gibbs asked.

He saw the flash of hope light up in Tony's eyes before the younger man could suppress it.

"Right. Move over, DiNozzo" Gibbs said as he pulled back the covers and climbed in next to
Tony.

"Ah, Boss, what are you doing?" asked Tony as he moved along to give Gibbs room.

"Aren't you supposed to be an investigator, DiNozzo? What does it look like I'm doing?"

Tony just looked at him cautiously.

"I'm going to sleep, DiNozzo."

"In my bed?" Tony clarified.

"Yup. That a problem?" asked Gibbs.

"Nope. No problem, Boss, I can sleep on the.."

A slap to the back of the head stopped Tony mid sentence. Green eyes opened wide in
surprise. "What was that for?" He asked indignantly.

"Tony. Go to sleep."

"I don't know if I can now, Boss. I think you've head slapped me awake. I'm in work mode
now."

"I can always find some for you if you'd like," Gibbs said seriously.

"Right. Sleep. On it, Boss" Tony responded quickly, rolling onto his side and pulling the covers
up. Smiling, Gibbs rolled over so he was facing Tony's back. Cautiously he moved his arm
around the lean brunette and interlaced his fingers with Tony's.

"Ok?" he whispered.

Tony squeezed his hand tightly. "Yea. Better than ok."

Gibbs relaxed and allowed the feeling of having Tony lying next to him to pull him asleep.

Tony couldn't believe that he was cuddled up to his Boss. His Boss who he had spent the
better part of eight years dreaming about. All thoughts of the nightmare and the weekend
were pushed to the back of his mind as Tony contemplated what this meant. Gibbs didn't
seem like he was the type of person to use someone for sex but he wasn't sure if could risk
letting Gibbs in. He knew Gibbs would want to know everything, his childhood, his Father.
Gibbs would find out about Maui and Tony wasn't sure he was ready to let all of that out.

Smiling slightly, Tony moved closer to the warmth that Gibbs provided. It was always so much
easier to forget when Gibbs was around. When he was near Gibbs he didn't have to focus on

keeping his dark thoughts at bay, they stayed there. Tony was always so preoccupied with
everything about Gibbs – his looks, his smell, his touch that he didn't have time to think about
anything else. Tony sighed. He wished that he could have this all the time.

Gibbs could feel the morning sun start to make its way across the bed and slowly opened his
eyes squinting against the light. His arm was still wrapped around Tony, but somehow as he'd
slept the young brunette had turned around and had tucked his head under Gibbs chin. Pulling
away slightly Gibbs took the opportunity to take a good look at the sleeping man. The sleep
had done him good, the line exhaustion and fatigue that had lined Tony's eyes and mouth
previously were gone. Sleep made Tony appear much younger, he appeared more innocent,
unguarded. Tony couldn't put up a mask when he was asleep.

Watching closely Gibbs could see the moment when Tony began to wake. His green eyes
slowly opened and looked blearily up at him.

"Morning. You sleep alright?"

Tony shivered as Gibbs voice drifted over him, gravely with disuse.

He cleared his throat. "Yeah, Boss, I did." Wriggling out from under Gibbs arm Tony moved
back and sat up against the back of the bed. "Thanks, Boss, for, uh, staying last night. I
appreciate it."

"No problem, Tony," Gibbs said. "You feeling better?"

"Yeah. A good sleep was just what the doctor ordered, if you ignore what happened before,"
said Tony embarrassed.

"Do you have them often?" Gibbs asked "The nightmares?"

"Nah, Boss, not really" replied Tony with a cocky grin "just when I know my boss is asleep on
my couch."

"Tony" Gibbs sighed "I know you're lying. Try again."

Tony looked away the fake smile sliding off his face. "Sorry, Boss. I don't know, a few times a
week."

"What happens when you wake up? You seemed pretty out of it last night."

Tony blushed and looked away. "Trust me, Boss, you don't want to know."

"Try me," Gibbs said

Tony ran his hand over his face and then just about jumped off the bed in shock when Gibbs
grabbed his arm.

"Jesus, Boss, don't do that! Your gonna give me a heart attack."

"What the hell happened to your wrist," Gibbs asked angrily. Looking down it was easy to see
that the skin had been rubbed raw and was bruised on both of Tony's wrists. It was obvious
that they had been bound, most likely by metal cuffs.

Trying to pull his hand away Tony flushed. "It’s nothing Boss. Really, it’s not what you think."

"Did he have something to do with this? Your Father?"

"No," said Tony adamantly "He didn't. It’s not like that."

Gibbs suddenly had a brief insight in linking as to what may have caused the marks on Tony's
wrists.

"Look at me," Gibbs instructed. "Did you let someone do that to you? Let them hurt you?"

Tony refused to meet Gibb's eyes. He knew what he'd see. Disgust. Anger. Disappointment.
He'd blown his chance to have anything with Gibbs.

"That's what this is. Isn't it, Tony? You let someone do this. Someone you knew? Or some
random you picked up?" Gibbs forced Tony's head up. "Tell me the truth."

"I didn't know him," Tony whispered. "I never know them."

"You've done this before," Gibbs asked shocked. "Jesus, Tony. Why? Why'd you let someone
do that to you?"

Tony pulled away and looked down. "Because I need it, it helps me forget! I deserve to be
punished and I know that this is all I'm good for. You don't have to pretend that I'm
something else. People fuck me and then they leave me. That's what I'm here for." He
laughed bitterly. "I know I don't deserve a relationship; this is the closest thing I can get!
Don't lie to me and tell me you honestly want a relationship with me. You want to fuck me.
It’s as simple as that and as soon as I'm out of your system you'll move on."

"Hey, stop that," Gibbs said sharply. "That's not true. You think I'd have kept you around for
eight years if all I wanted was a quick fuck."

Tony looked at him, the pain in his eyes almost breaking Gibbs. "That's all anybody has ever
done."

Chapter 4

Gibbs looked at the young man sitting across from him. He saw an exceptional agent, a friend
and a potential lover. He couldn't understand how someone could have hurt and abused Tony
to the extent that he honestly believed what he was saying.

"Tony. Look at me."

Tony hesitantly looked up at Gibbs.

"That is not true. None of that is true. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be loved.
What you don't deserve is to be hurt and abused like you have been."

Tony closed his eyes. "Then why do people keep doing it? If I don't deserve it then why does it
keep happening?"

Gibbs couldn't answer that. He couldn't comprehend how people kept hurting the young man
before him, how someone could have caused the pain that always lingered in his eyes. How
someone could have hurt him so much that he went out and let people physically hurt him,
just so he could forget.

He sighed. "I don't know, Tony."

Tony just clenched his eye shut harder and turned his head away.

"Tony" Gibbs asked softly "What happened this weekend? What happened that made you
believe this?"

"It's too hard, Boss," Tony choked out. "Please don't make me tell you. You'll hate me. I know
you will."

"Tony, nothing you say can make me hate you. I could never hate you."

Still keeping his head turned away from Gibbs and his eyes shut tightly Tony whispered,
"Remember when I told you that my Father left me in that hotel. The one in Maui."

"Yeah, Tony, I remember."

"I didn't stay in the hotel, Boss."

Gibbs could see that this was going to be hell on the younger man. Already he was trembling
slightly, pale with a pained look on his face.

"What happened, Tony?"

"After my Father hadn't shown up at all I went outside. I thought something might have
happened so I went to look for him. But when I got outside there was this car and the driver
got out and said he was supposed to be taking me to the airport. And I know it was stupid,
Boss, that I shouldn't have got in the car it's just that it had happened so often before. My
Father always sent people to pick me up when he got called away or was too busy so I didn't
think anything of it.”

"It’s ok, Tony, I'm not going to get angry about anything you did. None of this is your fault,
got it?" Gibbs stated firmly.

"Got it, Boss," Tony repeated. "Well, uh, I went in the car and eventually we pulled into some
old buildings. I, ah, sort of new something was up but I didn't want to do anything in case I
got in trouble with my Father you know, ‘cause one time I threw a fuss because someone I
didn't knew picked me up and then I was grounded for a week."

Gibbs could see how Tony's eyes kept flickering up to meet his as though seeking for
approval, checking that Gibbs wasn't getting angry, that he hadn't changed his mind.

"Any way we, um, went into this room and the driver offered me a drink. I know I shouldn't
have taken it, Boss, but my Father's regular driver always had a soda or some sort of drink for
me, you know, so I didn't think anything of it."

Tony rubbed his fingers absently over one wrist. The pain helped to keep him grounded. It
stopped him from getting too caught up in the memory. If he could still feel the pain he could
still get out.

Gibbs felt a cold ball of dread settle in the pit of his stomach as realized what Tony was going
to tell him. He wanted to tell him to stop but he knew Tony had to let it out, get it out into the
open so that it couldn't eat at him any more.

"Tony," he said grabbing his hand, stopping him from rubbing his wrist. "Keep going. You're
doing great."

Taking a deep breath Tony continued "I, um, finished the drink and he was just chatting with
me about school, you know, and then I started to feel kind of tired and dizzy. I was too tired
to move you see Boss. So, um, when he picked me up and moved me into the other room I
couldn't stop him."

Tony stopped. "You've got to believe me, Boss. I would have fought him if I could."

"It’s ok, Tony" said Gibbs "I believe you."

"Good," Tony said shakily. "Uh, well he bought me into this other room and there were a
couple more guys in there. I can't really remember what the room was like, everything was
spinning and I was really tired. And I can't even remember what any of them looked like and
um then…"

Tony closed his eyes. It was too much. He remembered how they had laid him down on his
stomach. How they had pulled his clothes off. How they had touched him. Their fingers had
roamed every where, on him, inside him. When the first one pushed inside of him it felt like he
was being ripped apart. He was screaming but no one came. And they didn't stop.

Gibbs watched as Tony clenched his fingers and shut his eyes. For the second time in his life
Gibbs was at a loss. He had so many conflicting emotions, the anger he felt at Tony's Father
for leaving him, at the bastards who'd done this to him. Then there was the sorrow. The
sorrow he felt for Tony. He couldn't comprehend what it was like for a twelve year old kid to
go through something like that.

"Breathe, Tony," Gibbs instructed grabbing his hand. "It’s ok, you're here. They can't get you
now, I won't let them. I promise."

Tears leaked out from under Tony's closed lids. "I was there for two days, Boss. They kept
doing it, I couldn't make them stop." Sobbing now, Tony continued, "I was begging them! I
was begging them to stop and they wouldn't."

"Jesus, Tony," Gibbs whispered, shocked. He pulled the young man to his chest as he finally
broke down. Tony's body shook as he finally allowed the enormity of what had happen to him
sink in. He couldn't think. All he could do was let Gibbs hold him as the sobs wracked through
his body.

Gibbs just sat there holding Tony, murmuring in his ear. He tried to show as much support as
he could, tried to show Tony that he didn't blame him, that he wasn't leaving him.

Eventually Tony's sobs subsided and he just lay against Gibbs chest. He felt numb; everything
that he had kept hidden felt like it had been yanked out. He was tired, even though he'd just
woken up he felt like he could sleep for another eight hours.

"He didn't believe me," Tony said quietly.

Gibbs looked down at the dark head, "Who didn't?"

"They just left." Tony said ignoring Gibbs. "After two days. They just packed up and left, like
nothing had happened. And they left me there. Eventually, I somehow made my way back to
the hotel; I don't remember how, probably a taxi. His normal driver was there waiting for me."
Tony sighed bitterly, "he couldn't even be bothered to come and get me himself after leaving
me there for two days."

Gibbs pulled Tony closer and wrapped his arms around him. "You deserved better," he
whispered softly.

"He took me to the hospital, got me cleaned up and then took me home. You'd think the
hospital would have wanted to look into it but I guess my Father must have had some strings
pulled to get me discharged straight away. When I got home I tried to tell him but he wouldn't
believe me. He just me to shut up and to stop lying."

Tony paused breathing heavily. He still remembered how it had felt to have his Father ignore
everything he was saying. To not even ask how he'd ended up in hospital. He remembered
how he spent the rest of the holidays alone in his room, how he'd sit there and stare at the
walls. How he tried to suppress the memory of what those men had done to him.

Tony looked up at Gibbs, "I thought he didn't believe me," he said hoarsely. "But it turns out
he knew all along."

Chapter 5

Gibbs couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"What do you mean he knew all along?"

Tony took a deep breath as he pushed himself further into Gibbs embrace.

"He didn't forget me in Maui. He deliberately left; he knew what was going to happen. He was
in on it."

Gibbs tensed. He could not believe that any Father could set up for his child to be raped and
then to make him think that he doesn't believe him that he doesn't care. Gibbs hadn't been
angrier in his life; he wanted to hit something, shoot something. He also knew if he let Tony
become aware of how angry he was Tony would think he was angry at him. Or worse blaming
him. Gibbs breathed in deeply and tried to relax, tried to ignore the rage he felt building up
inside him so that he could be there for Tony. He couldn't comprehend what it must have been
like for him. To spend all these years thinking that no one believed him, only to find out that
the one person who should have been looking after him, caring for him, was the person who
set the whole sick encounter up.

"That's what happened in the weekend, isn't it? You found out?"

He felt Tony's head briefly nod against his chest.

"Yeah," Tony said quietly "We got into an argument over my job and how I'm ruining the
family name. Eventually we got onto when I was a kid and I brought up Maui."

Tony remembered how his Father had knocked on his door that Saturday night, drunk as
usual. His eyes had been red rimmed and his skin was blotchy. Last time Tony had seen him
his black hair had been only slightly tinged with grey. Now his hair was fully white and he
didn't have the strong intimidating figure he used to. He'd gained weight and was hunched
over, he just looked old. Tony had tried to be civil but before he knew it they were yelling at
one and other. Just like always.

"Family! What Family," Tony had yelled. "I didn't exist to you!"

"I gave you everything. An education, a proper upbringing and you threw it all away to work
as some stupid government employee!"

Tony knew his Father had honestly believed what he had been saying. He honestly believed
Tony should have been grateful for the childhood he'd had, the childhood where he'd been
raped. Where he'd been shipped of to boarding school after boarding school. The childhood
where he'd barely known his own Father.

"I'd much rather have had a Father who gave a shit, who didn't forget about me," Tony had
said quietly. He had never cared about money and prestige. All he had ever wanted growing
up was someone to care about him.

"I never forgot about you," his Father had shot back.

"What about in Maui. You forgot about me then! You left me there for two days!"

"I didn't forget about you," his Father had slurred "I knew exactly where you were."

Tony remembered how he hadn't believed him. How he'd thought his Father was too drunk,
that he couldn't possibly have known.

"No, you didn't," he'd whispered.

"Come on, Anthony" his Father had said coldly, "it wasn't that bad, it was only two days and
they didn't rough you up that badly."

Tony had stared at his Father in shock. "How did you know," he had asked. "The hospital
didn't write anything down and you never let me tell you anything! You didn't listen; you didn't
believe anything I said!"

"I'm always well aware of what happens with any business deal I make, Anthony. You should
know that by now."

"Business deal?"

"They were willing to pay a lot of money to have you, Anthony, you should be flattered."

Tony shivered as remembered how he felt when it dawned on him what his Father had. He
had whored him out to those men just so he could get more money. That's all that ever
mattered to his Father. Money.

Shaking his head Tony pulled himself out of the memory and looked up to see Gibbs watching
him with concern. Tony didn't think that he could hurt any more than he already did, but
remembering everything his Father had revealed to him just made everything feel worse. He
didn't want to tell Gibbs more about his Father. How could Gibbs want to be with him, his own
Father had whored him out. His own Father didn't love him so how could Gibbs? But he knew
Gibbs would want to know, that Gibbs would get it out of him somehow.

"They paid him so they could have me," he whispered lowering his head.

Gibbs hadn't thought that this could get any worse. Still struggling to control the immense
amount of anger that was building up inside of him, trying to comprehend the enormity of
what had happened to Tony. Breathing out he wrapped his arms tighter around the man he
was holding.

"Why'd he do it? What did I do that made him do it?" Tony choked out.

Gibbs lifted Tony's head up and pressed a light kiss to his temple.

"Nothing, Tony. You did nothing to deserve any of this. The only people to blame are those
bastards who did this to you."

Tony relaxed more into Gibbs embrace, as he realized Gibbs wasn't angry and him, that he
wasn't throwing him out. He didn't know how long it would last until Gibbs came to his senses
and realized how much to blame he really was. He knew that he deserved what had happened
to him. But for now Tony would try and enjoy what time he got to spend with the older man.
He would try and not let what he'd learned ruin what time he got to have with Gibbs.

"I know you don't believe me," Gibbs said softly "But I'm not leaving and I don't blame you. I
will make sure you learn to believe that too."

Tony started. He still wasn't used to how well Gibbs could read him, how Gibbs seemed to
know what he was thinking, when he was lying, when something was wrong.

"I want to, Boss, but I'm not sure that I can."

"It’s alright, Tony. You'll get there and you don't have to do it alone."

Gibbs lay back on the bed pulling Tony with him so he was on his back with Tony's upper body
resting on his chest. They lay there in silence for several minutes, both men trying to come to
terms with what they'd learnt over the past few days.

Gibbs broke the silence. "I don't think you should come in to work today."

"No, Boss, I have to" Tony said panicking "If I'm here then I cant keep my self busy. I won't
be able to stop my self from thinking about…" he paused, "thinking about everything."

Gibbs sighed looking down at the brunette. "Ok, but not in the field. You still look exhausted. I
can’t even comprehend how bad these past few days have been for you." Tony stiffened in his
arms. Gibbs pressed another light kiss to the top of the younger mans head. "I just can’t risk
anything happening to you," he said softly.

Tony couldn't understand why Gibbs would care. People didn't care about him that was
something he had learnt from a very young age. People just didn't care. He didn't know how
to respond to Gibbs's statement so he held on tighter to the older man.

The two men lay there for a moment longer until the quiet was broken by the shrill beeping of
Tony's alarm clock.

"Alright," Gibbs sighed sitting up, bringing Tony with him. "Time to get up."

Tony moved away from Gibbs stretching out his back ignoring Gibbs’ wince as it cracked
loudly.

"I'm just gonna get some breakfast," Tony said rolling off the bed, ignoring how his stomach
still rolled at the thought of eating. The events of the past few days and retelling everything to
Gibbs had ruined any appetite that he might have had for food. But he knew that Gibbs
wouldn't let him step foot in the office without eating, especially having missed dinner the
previous night.

"Coffee," Gibbs stated. "Toast would be good as well."

Tony snorted. "Figures."

"Could I grab a quick shower?" Gibbs asked running his finger through his hair.

"Sure thing, Boss. Towels are in the bathroom. It’s down the hall to the left. Before the living
room."

"Thanks," Gibbs said brushing past Tony.

"I'll have copious amounts of coffee ready for when you're out."

Chapter 6

Gibbs sighed as the hot water streamed down his back helping to ease the tension that had
built up in his muscles. But it wasn't helping to ease the anger that was burning in his veins.
Gibbs knew he had to keep himself under control, he couldn't show Tony his anger. He'd find a
way to release it later where Tony wouldn't get freaked out. Gibbs grabbed Tony's soap and
quickly scrubbed himself down. Turning the shower off Gibbs stepped out and grabbed one of
the ridiculously soft towels. Gibbs snorted, only Tony would have towels like this. He quickly
dried off and got back into yesterdays, now very rumpled, suit. He was lucky he had a spare
at work or there could have been some very awkward questions asked. Walking out of the
bathroom Gibbs allowed the strong aroma of freshly brewed coffee to lead him into the
kitchen.

He leant in the doorway and watched as Tony placed some bread in the toaster, still wearing
the grey sweats.

"Hey."

"Hey, Boss, here you go," said Tony handing Gibbs a steaming mug.

"Thanks," Gibbs said before taking a large mouthful.

Tony watched as Gibbs inhaled his coffee.

"It's not going to run away, Boss."

"Cute, DiNozzo."

Gibbs could sense that Tony wanted to avoid discussing what had happened to him and Gibbs
would let him for now. He decided that any more conversations on that subject could wait until
after work, Tony had talked about it enough for now.

Gibbs was determined to make sure the younger man believed that he wasn't to blame for
anything. And that Gibbs really wanted him and that he wasn't just going to use him.

"I thought so," Tony grinned. "I better get ready. Don't want to be late and get in trouble with
the Boss. Toast is in the toaster."

Tony moved past Gibbs and walked back down the hall into his bedroom. He quickly got
changed and went into the bathroom as he ran his fingers through his hair. Tony looked in the
bathroom mirror and saw that the dark circles under his eyes had faded slightly and he no
longer looked like he was about to faint. Having Gibbs stay had been better for him than he'd
realized. Sighing he grabbed his toothbrush. He knew today was going to be hell, he didn't
know if he would be able to act normal, not after last night. Not after sharing everything with
Gibbs. It would be easier to try and act normal with everyone else around than it was when he
when was alone with Gibbs. With Gibbs it was too hard to pretend, too hard to keep up the
mask. It was easier at work. Ziva and McGee complemented his frat boy persona perfectly.
With them he could joke around, goof off. With them he didn't have too think about anything.
Gibbs saw right through that, he didn't let him pretend to be someone else around him.

It wasn't as if though being around Gibbs made him remember everything he wanted to
forget. Being around him allowed him to accept what had happened to him, allowed him to be
himself without trying to hide anything.

Tony wasn't a completely different person at work, there were aspects of himself that he let
shine through; his love of movies, his jokes. He enjoyed bantering with Ziva and McGee and
he enjoyed listening to Ducky and chatting with Abby. He just didn't think they would want to
do any of that with him if they knew everything about him.

Tony finished brushing his teeth and walked back into the kitchen. Gibbs was leaning against
the counter munching on a piece of toast, with a fresh cup of coffee in one hand.

"Coffee alright," he asked.

Gibbs swallowed. "Yup. Perfect."

"It better be with the amount of coffee I used to make it," Tony laughed.

Gibbs chuckled. It felt good to have Tony joking with him. It gave him hope that Tony would
get through this, really get through this. That he wouldn't be ashamed of what had happened
to him and that he could move on and not keep pretending to be someone else. Gibbs was
aware that Tony thought that no one at the office would accept him and Gibbs hoped to show
Tony that this wasn't true.

"There's no such thing as too much coffee," Gibbs stated. He placed the half filled mug down.
"We probably should get going."

"Yeah," said Tony hesitating.

"What?" asked Gibbs as he watched Tony fidget.

Tony blushed and looked away. He didn't know how to bring up the idea of having a
relationship with Gibbs. He knew the older man had been interested the night before but he
had no idea where that stood after everything he had told him. He couldn't understand how
Gibbs could want a serious relationship with him after everything but he was also reluctant to
let the opportunity to try pass him by. He was worried that everything would go back to
normal once he got to the office that Gibbs would go back to normal and treat him just as a
colleague. He didn't think he could handle that, not after how Gibbs had treated him last night,
not after telling him everything. Now that he knew what it would be like to have Gibbs in his
life properly, not just as his Boss, he didn't think he could let it go. "This is why you never told
anyone," though Tony sadly. "Now when he leaves you’re not being able to handle it." But
Tony wasn't Gibbs senior field agent for nothing. He couldn't walk out his front door without
trying. Taking a deep breath he looked at Gibbs.

"What's happening with us? I mean uh…" Tony closed his eyes and tried again. "If you've
changed your mind about us trying anything then I get it. I mean I wouldn't want to be with
me. I just need to know if anything is going to happen."

Gibbs could tell that it must have taken a lot of effort to ask him that. For Tony to put all his
cards on the table especially since he knew that Tony didn't think he deserved a relationship.
Gibbs knew that if he got into a relationship with Tony that it would be hard, they would have
a lot of issues to work through. Gibbs was well aware that once they got into it Tony would
still think that he was going to use him and leave once he got him out of his system. But Gibbs
had wanted Tony too long to let that stop him.

"I haven't changed my mind," he said softly.

Tony's eyes widened in surprise. "You don't have to pretend if you have, Boss. Changed your
mind, I mean. I can handle it. I don't want you to force yourself to start something with me
just because you're worried I might go crazy or something."

"Tony. I want this. I've wanted this for a long time. I am not going to change my mind." Gibbs
spoke each word of his last sentence very slowly and carefully.

Tony couldn't imagine Gibbs lying to him but he also couldn't truly believe Gibbs wanted him.
That had wanted him for a long time. People never stayed interested in him and the idea that
Gibbs had been interested in him for a while shocked him.

"Really?" he whispered softly. "It's just I don't think I could handle it if you changed your mind
later, Boss."

"It’s Jethro," Gibbs said. "Jethro when we're like this, ok?"

"Ok, Jethro," Tony said hesitantly.

"And I will not change my mind. Not now and not later. I want to be with you, Anthony
DiNozzo, and once I've got you I'm not going to let you go. No matter what happens. I don't
care how hard it gets or whatever gets in our way. I will not leave you."

The look of pure happiness that appeared on Tony's face made everything worthwhile. It
pushed all other thoughts out of his head. All that mattered was him and Tony.

"You've always had me, Jethro," Tony whispered, blushing slightly.

Gibbs swiftly closed the gap between them and pulled Tony into a fierce hug. "We'll sort the
rest out tonight, ok?"

Tony closed his eyes and again enjoyed how being wrapped up in Gibbs's arms made him feel
safe and protected. He breathed in the scent of the older man. He had always loved how he
smelt, there was sawdust and coffee and something that was uniquely Gibbs. "Ok." He said
into the other man’s shoulder.

Gibbs didn't move. He felt like he could stand there with Tony in his arm forever. It felt right.
But Gibbs also knew that they had to leave if they wanted to get to the office on time.

Sighing he pulled away from Tony. "We better leave."

"Yeah," Tony moved and grabbed his bag from the corner. "Are you going stay tonight?" he
asked shyly.

"If you want me too."

"I do" Tony said firmly. "A lot."

"Then it's settled," said Gibbs smiling. "Let's go. I've got to make sure I change out of this suit
before anyone notices and gets the wrong idea."

Tony just laughed. "Come on then. Your car parked out front?"

"Yup," said Gibbs. "I'll leave first. It'll look very odd if you get to the office before I do."

"I can be on time you know," Tony responded indignantly.

"Whatever you say, DiNozzo, whatever you say." Gibbs said smirking. He pulled Tony in for a
quick hug. "I'll see you at the office."

"Kay. See you soon, Jethro."

Tony watched as Gibbs walked out the door. He knew they still had a lot to talk about but he
couldn't stop the large grin from appearing on his face. He was actually in a relationship with
Leroy Jethro Gibbs, the one man he thought he would never get.

Chapter 7

Gibbs walked out of the men's room freshly changed with yesterday's suit under his arm. As
he reached his desk he shoved the rumpled suit into his bag and switched on his computer. It
was only 7:45 so he had around fifteen minutes until the rest of his team started to show up.
While he waited for his computer Gibbs thought about the previous night. It was going to take
a long time until he stopped seeing red when he thought about Tony's Father. If he ever
stopped. He hoped the older DiNozzo didn't have the audacity to come to D.C again. He knew
that there would be no way he could control his actions if he ever came into contact with him.

Tony stepped out of the elevator with his bag slung casually over his shoulder.

"Morning, Boss," he greeted as he walked over to his desk. Tony was determined to keep
things normal at work. He didn't want anybody knowing that his relationship with Gibbs had
changed to become anything that of employer and subordinate. He knew people would think
he was just sleeping with Gibbs to get it easier on the job.

Gibbs raised his eyebrows at Tony's normal offhand greeting. But if Tony wanted to keep
things exactly the same at work then it was fine by him. He didn't want to have to deal with
the repercussions that would arise if someone like Vance were to find out that there was
something going on between him and Tony.

"Morning, DiNozzo," he said curtly softening his response with a slight smile.

Tony smiled back. "We got a case?"

"Nope. Could be another paperwork day."

Tony hated it when they didn't get a case and all they had to do was paperwork. With
paperwork he couldn't distract himself.

Grumbling he started up his computer, if he was lucky Gibbs would let him go down and see
Abby.

Gibbs looked up as Ziva and McGee arrived at their desks. He could see that they were
obviously still concerned about Tony by the way they both ran their eyes over him. He wasn't
surprised by their concern after how quiet and still Tony had been yesterday. Gibbs was glad
by their show of concern and was hopeful that one day Tony would understand how much
everyone cared for him.

The first half of the day rolled by slowly as the team's paperwork became up to date, files got
sorted and emails cleared. Tony put in a lot of effort to make sure that Ziva and McGee were
convinced that nothing was up, that yesterday was just a result of a busy weekend. He came
up with new nicknames for McGee and constantly corrected Ziva's English mistakes. He could
sense Gibbs watching him and he could tell that Gibbs was aware of how hard Tony was trying
to appear like his normal self. It was getting harder to keep up his mask, the lack of activity
meant that his mind kept wandering to what he and Gibbs had been discussing the previous
night.

Gibbs had never seriously wanted a case to come up before today. It was horrible to watch
Tony try so hard to be normal, to try and distract himself from thinking about everything that
had happened to him. Gibbs didn't understand how Tony had managed to keep this hidden
from him for eight years. He prided himself on knowing the younger man better than anyone.
He had known that Tony put up a mask at work and that he was hiding something, but he'd
had no idea that it was this bad. He had never understood that Tony had used his fidgeting,

his loud, exuberant behavior and their cases to distract himself. He wanted a case to come up,
anything to come up to help the younger man distract himself from what was going on inside
his head.

"DiNozzo," he said loudly, "take this down to Abby." He held out some old paperwork that he
had forgotten to get signed off.

Tony shot him a relieved smile, he needed to get away from Ziva and McGee no matter how
briefly, it was getting too hard to act normal. "Sure thing, Boss." He grabbed the paperwork
and headed down to Abby's lab.

He was blasted by Abby's loud music as soon as stepped of the elevator. Bracing himself he
walked into the lab and quickly spotted the dark haired Goth playing some computer game
whilst singing along to her music.

"Abby!" he yelled, "turn it off"

Abby leaned over and switched off the music. "Tony!" she squealed, running over and
squeezing him. "I haven't seen you in ages."

"You saw me on Friday, Abby"

"I can barely remember Friday, Tony," Abby said pouting. "That was like a whole weekend and
one day ago."

"Ok, ok, Abby," Tony said chuckling "I'll make sure to see you at least every two days from
now one. Here." He handed over the sheets of paper. "Gibbs wants these signed off."

Abby grabbed a pen and scrawled her signature on the offending items. "Here you go," she
said bouncing up and down.

"Thanks, Abbs. Ah, just how many Caff Pows have you had today?" he asked as he watched
the bouncing figure in front of him.

"Not many, but I'm bored," she whined. "Entertain me."

Tony laughed. He could be more like himself around Abby than he could around Ziva and
McGee. Abby was so non judgmental and always happy to see him that he felt welcome
whenever he was with her. With Ziva he worried constantly about whether she thought he was
good enough as an agent, he knew she thought he wasn't smart at all and had probably
wondered why he was even on Gibbs team. He also knew that McGee thought he didn't
deserve his position as senior field agent and so felt like he constantly had to prove himself to
the younger agent. With Abby he didn't have to worry about proving himself or any of the
things that he worried about with Ziva and McGee.

Tony looked over her head at the game on her computer screen. "What's that?"

"It's this new game that I downloaded. Come on, let's play. Gibbs can deal without your
presence for an hour. You don't have a case do you?"

"Nope, no case. How do you play?"

Upstairs Gibbs waited 45 minutes until he decided he'd go and find Tony.

"Where are you going?" asked Ziva.

"To find DiNozzo."

He had to hide a grin as he walked into Abby's lab and saw Tony and Abby hunched over the
computer playing a very loud and very violent game. He could see that Tony was enjoying
himself immensely; he held his tongue between his teeth and had a look of utter concentration
on his face as his fingers hit the keyboard.

Gibbs was reluctant to interrupt their fun so he stood in the doorway and watched.

"Come on!" Tony yelled, his fingers moving faster.

"Give it up, DiNozzo! You know you won't win," Abby said cheekily.

"You wish, Sciuto." Said Tony seriously.

Gibbs couldn't resist startling Tony; he knew Abby would have known he was already there.
He walked up silently behind them.

"Whose winning?"

Tony's reaction was instantaneous. He jumped backwards, flinging his chair to the side and
promptly banged into Gibbs and fell backwards, landing on his back.

"Ow," he said sheepishly looking up at Gibbs.

"I just did," Abby said smugly standing up and coming to stand next to Gibbs and looked down
at Tony.

"Alright there, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked seriously.

"Just peachy, Boss."

Gibbs stifled his laughter and gave Tony his hand, helping him to his feet.

"You've got to stop lying around on the job, Tony," said Abby sternly.

Tony turned to her and pointed his finger. "You knew he was there," he accused, "that's
cheating. I demand a rematch."

"That's going to have to wait until your off duty, DiNozzo."

"Gotcha, Boss."

Gibbs turned to Abby. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to take back DiNozzo now, Abby."

"But Gibbs," Abby whined "he was entertaining me."

"Was he now," Gibbs said raising an eyebrow at Tony.

Tony flushed and grabbed the paperwork of the table. "I got this signed, Boss."

Gibbs just looked at him.

"I guess I'll get back to work now, Boss."

"That's probably a good idea, DiNozzo," Gibbs said hiding his amusement.

"Bye, bye, boys," Abby said cheekily turning back to the computer game.

Snorting Gibbs turned and followed Tony the elevator.

Both men stepped into the elevator, Tony rubbing his head as he did so.

"You ok?" Gibbs asked, concerned.

"Yeah I'm good, Boss, just knocked my head. We get a case yet?" he asked almost
desperately.

"Nope. Sorry, Tony."

Tony sighed, "It's ok."

"Are you sure you don't want to go home? There's nothing to do here."

"Nah, I can never distract myself there," Tony said softly.

"I'd come with you if I could, Tony. If we don't get a case I'll let the team of early.

The gratified smile Tony gave him made it worth risking his hard ass image.

"Thanks, Jethro," he said softly.

The rest of the day passed in the same manner as the first. Eventually four o'clock rolled
around and Gibbs let everyone go. Tony dawdled as McGee and Ziva left, both shooting Gibbs
looks of surprise for letting them leave early.

Tony waited until Gibbs had packed and then they walked together to the elevator.

"So I'll see you tonight," Tony checked shyly.

"Yup. I'll just go home and get changed. I'll bring pizza."

Tony grinned as his stomach rumbled. "Thanks."

They went their separate ways once they got down to the garage.

"See you soon, Jethro."

"I should be there in half an hour, ok?"

"Sounds good."

As he drove home Tony began to feel nervous about what would happen when Gibbs arrived
at his apartment. He wasn't sure what the older man wanted out of their relationship and how
fast he wanted to go. He wasn't sure that Gibbs would fully understand the issues that he had
with sex. He'd had sex with other men before and he always bottomed but he could never let
himself enjoy it. He always went to places where he knew he would find someone who would
rough him up a little, who'd make it hurt. He couldn't explain why. He knew theoretically that
it should remind him of what had happened to him, but it never did. The pain gave him
something to focus on, it always made him forget rather than remember. When it hurt Tony
didn't feel ashamed, when it hurt he could just focus on the pain, he could forget. He didn't
think Gibbs would be able to understand that. He could never top, he had spent his entire
childhood trying to gain some semblance of control, but with sex he could let go. He didn't
have to be control. He was too uncertain when it came to topping; he was too worried that he
would hurt his partner, too worried that they would feel what he felt.

He didn't think he could explain all that to Gibbs. He didn't know how the older man would
react if he knew how bad Tony let it get at some of the places he went to. His coping methods
were better now than they were when he was a teenager. Back then everything was so hard,
he could never forget and he would do anything to make himself feel the pain that allowed
him to.

He wanted sex with Gibbs to be different, he wanted to be able to fully let go and to let
himself enjoy it. He didn't want to have to need the pain that he associated with sex, but he
wasn't sure he could let go.

Tony parked his car and walked up into his apartment, briefly checking his watch as he did so.
He decided he had time for a quick shower before Gibbs arrived and walked down to the
bathroom.

Meanwhile Gibbs quickly got changed out of his suit and into faded blue jeans and a worn
sweatshirt. He ordered Tony's favorite pizza from his usual place and got back into the car.

As he drove to collect the pizza he thought about what would happen tonight. He was
determined not to rush things with Tony. He didn't think he or Tony was ready to take things
all the way, the images and thoughts of what had happened to Tony were still fresh in his
mind and from what he had gathered Tony had some serious issues when it came to having
relationships with other men. He thought about what Tony had said about the marks on his
wrists and he hated that Tony felt like he deserved to be hurt, that he went out of his way to
let people hurt him just to forget what those bastards had done to him. He was determined to
change the negative mindset that Tony had or one day Tony would snap and get into
something that he couldn't handle, take things too far. Gibbs didn't think he could survive if he
lost Tony.

Chapter 8

Tony heard Gibbs pounding on his front door just as he turned off the shower. He quickly
wrapped a towel around his waist and went to let Gibbs in.

Of all the things Gibbs thought he'd see when he arrived, a half naked wet DiNozzo answering
the door wasn't one of them. Tony's hair was dripping and the drops of water made their way
down his chest, soaking into the white towel tied firmly around his slender hips. Gibbs couldn't
prevent his eyes from wandering over Tony's body, taking in the sculpted abs and solid chest.
A thin trail of hair trailed from his belly button down below the towel. As his eyes followed it
Gibbs felt his mouth go dry and his cock take notice.

As much as he wanted to ravish the man standing in front of him he also knew that it would
be a very bad move to act on his desire right now. So pushing all thoughts of a wanton,
moaning DiNozzo out of his head he handed over the pizza.

"Here you go, dinner is served."

Tony breathed in the smell of pizza. "You got my favorite," he said happily.

"I know." It never ceased to amaze Gibbs how little it took to please Tony. The younger man
was always surprised when someone made a conscious effort to get something he liked or do
something for him. Gibbs had always wondered why and he'd had his suspicions but none of
them had come close to the real reason.

Tony gave him another one of his small but genuine smiles that were so different to the cock
sure grin that he would wear at work. "Thanks. You wanna grab some plates? I'll just go and
get changed."

Gibbs didn't really mind if Tony got changed but he thought it was probably counterproductive
if he allowed himself to sit next to him when he was half naked. Half naked and wet.

"Sure," he said taking back the pizza and making his way into the kitchen.

"I'll be out in a second," Tony called out as he headed down the hall to the bedroom. He pulled
on his sweats and slipped on his favorite jersey. He quickly toweled his hair dry as he walked
back down towards the kitchen. He was still nervous about what Gibbs wanted to happen
tonight but he was also immensely grateful for the older man's presence. Normally after an
event such as finding out about his Father he'd be completely messed up, hitting all sorts of
clubs to try and avoid thinking about it. But with Gibbs around he was able to come to terms
with it, to think about what had happened to him without going into panic mode. To have that
was easily worth being a little nervous.

Walking back into the kitchen he smiled as Gibbs handed him a plate.

"Thanks," he said a little uncertainly.

"Tony," Gibbs said fondly "relax. I'm not going to bite."

"Sorry, Jethro. I guess I'm a little nervous."

"Well, that's what tonight's about. Making sure we both know what we want and making sure
we're both comfortable."

"Ok, that sounds good." His stomach chose that moment to grumble. Loudly.

Gibbs laughed. "Come on, let's eat."

Tony loved it when the older man laughed. It was a sound he rarely got to heart and he
cherished it whenever he got the opportunity to hear it.

The two men walked through the living room and sat down on Tony's couch.

"Do you want the TV on?" Tony asked through a mouthful of pizza.

It was obvious to Gibbs that Tony wanted the TV on so that he had something to focus on
while they were eating. He could sense the nerves rolling off the younger man and knew he
had a lot of work to do to put Tony at ease. He also knew he had to tread carefully, he didn't
want to force Tony to talk about things he was uncomfortable with but he also didn't want
Tony to hide from him. He wanted the younger man to be able to talk to him and not feel like
he had to hide.

They ate their pizza in silence but it wasn't uncomfortable and the TV in the background
helped to ease Tony's nerves.

Groaning as he finished his last slice of pizza, Tony rubbed a hand over his stomach. "I'm
stuffed."

Gibbs chuckled "I don't know how you stay so slim with all the crap that you constantly eat."

"Fast metabolism," Tony shrugged taking Gibbs plate and his own back into the kitchen. He
rinsed them off and placed them in the dish drawer.

"You want drink?"

"A beer would be good if you've got any."

"I've always got beer, Boss."

Gibbs was aware that Tony was trying to delay the impending conversation but the longer
they put it off the harder it was going to get. They both sat back down on the couch slightly
closer than they were before.

Tony was never going to start the conversation so Gibbs knew that task fell to him. He
swallowed his mouthful of beer.

"Tony," he said "I know what I want out of this. I want long term with you and I don't want to
rush things. I want to do this properly and take it slow. But for this to work I need to know
what you want and I need for you to be able to talk to me."

Tony was immensely relieved when he heard that Gibbs wanted to take it slow. He knew he
was defiantly not ready to dive head first into a sexual relationship with the older man
especially as he knew about his Father and what had happened to him. Tony was also very
surprised though he tried to hide it. Nobody had ever wanted to do things properly with him,
let alone have a long term relationship with him. It was a new concept to Tony that someone
actually cared enough to sit down and talk with him about what was going to happen. It
meant even more seeing as that person knew about his past and hadn't rejected him for it.

"That's what I want too, Jethro," he said looking at Gibbs.

Gibbs was relieved when he heard that, it was a very good sign that Tony was saying what he
wanted and that he was willing to risk being hurt in order to get something that he wanted. He
knew he would never deliberately hurt Tony but he was aware that Tony had been hurt by so
many people in his life that starting something with him, no matter how well Tony knew him,
was still a huge risk.

Gibbs wanted to talk to Tony about the marks on his wrist and about his other experiences. He
wasn't sure exactly what went down at the clubs Tony went to, whether he just let people hurt
him or whether he let people have sex with him as well. He was hoping it was just the former
but he didn't think that was very likely. Gibbs didn't pretend to fully understand how letting
people hurt him and have sex with him helped Tony without reminding him of his past but he
had no idea what would have helped him had he been in Tony's situation.

Gibbs knew he could read Tony very well. What he didn't know was how well Tony could read
him. Tony was aware that Gibbs wanted to know about the clubs and what had happened
there. He wanted to tell Gibbs but he was terrified that Gibbs would reject him that he
wouldn't understand. He was worried that Gibbs would think there was something wrong with
him, that he was unstable and he didn't want Gibbs to think that he wasn't fit to work out in
the field. However he had felt so much better, lighter after telling Gibbs what had happened to
him. It had been like removing a huge weight from his chest and he desperately just wanted
to let Gibbs know everything to he could take control. So that Tony didn't have to deal with
any of it any more. Telling Gibbs had easily been the hardest thing he had done but he was
also getting the idea that it might just be worth it.

Chapter 9

Tony tried to calm himself as he though how he could bring up the marks on his wrists and the
clubs he used to frequent.

"Jethro."

"Tony"

They both spoke simultaneously and smiled.

"You first," Tony said to Gibbs.

Jethro wanted to address the marks on Tony in a way that wouldn't freak Tony out but in a
way that would let him know that he wouldn't leave, that he would be there for Tony no
matter what he told him.

"I do want to know about what happened with your wrists and how often you've done that.
And I would like to know about your other experiences with men. But I don't want you to feel
like you have to tell me now, ok? I'll wait until you are ready to talk about it. I'm not going to
make you tell me anything that you don't want to or force you to talk about things that make
you uncomfortable. You can talk to me when you're ready."

Tony was hugely relieved to hear that Gibbs wasn't going to make him talk about everything
all the time. He had been worried that Gibbs would want him to talk about everything straight
away, and it was nice to know that Gibbs wouldn't push the issue. However Tony did want to
talk to Gibbs about the clubs now. If Gibbs did change his mind he'd rather it be now than
later when he was more attached. And if my some miracle Gibbs still wanted him after hearing
all of that Tony knew he would feel a lot better having told him.

"Thanks, Jethro. I do want to tell you, it just, well, I'm not sure you'll be able to understand it.
Or accept it."

"It doesn't matter if I don't understand it, Tony. I'll accept it; it's not my place to judge how
you cope. I just want to be able to help you cope in a way that doesn't involve you getting
hurt," he said as he traced the bruising on Tony's wrist.

"But it's the pain that makes me forget. I don't know if I can cope without it. When everything
in my head gets to be too much I need something else to focus on. I've tried everything,
movies, exercise, and work. I've even tried sex and alcohol. None of them work. The only
thing that can truly distract me when it gets that bad is the pain. When I was younger I didn't
let other people hurt me, I just did it myself but I couldn't control it. I'd go too far or not
enough and I wouldn't forget."

Gibbs looked up when he heard that Tony used to hurt himself.

"What do you mean you used to do it yourself?" he asked softly.

Tony looked away. He knew this would be when Gibbs couldn't accept it. Accept him.

"I used to hurt myself," he whispered, "when I was younger."

Gibbs tried to not show any emotion as he heard that statement. It was hard to imagine Tony,
the man who had appeared so happy and exuberant, getting so desperate that he had to
resort to physically hurting himself in order to make things easier.

Tony could sense Gibbs' thoughts racing. He braced himself for rejection; Gibbs wasn't the
kind of person to stay with someone as weak minded as himself.

"I'm sorry," he said sadly "I tried. I really did. But it got to be too much."

Gibbs felt his heart ache for what the younger man must have gone through as a teenager. To
have had everything that had happened to him as a child bearing down on him, the rape and
his Fathers abandonment. To realize that the only way he could forget was to hurt himself.

"How?" he asked Tony.

Tony really didn't want to answer that, he didn't want to go through with this topic of
conversation. However Gibbs would find out, eventually he'd see the scars and he'd know. He
didn't answer. He couldn't bring himself to tell Gibbs.

Gibbs had a good idea of what Tony had done to feel pain. He wasn't going to raise it with
Tony; he'd wait until Tony told him.

"You don't have to tell me now. You can tell me whenever you're ready."

Tony's eyes met his. "Thank you" he said, so quietly that Gibbs could barely hear him. He
never liked thinking about what he used to be like. He was slightly better now, he didn't t hurt
himself. That didn't mean that he didn't think about it. There were nights where he needed to
forget so badly that he didn't think he could make it to a club, where he didn't think he could
be bothered to look for the right sort of person. Nights where it would be so much easier to
take care of it himself. But he could never control it, he could never judge how much was
enough and what was too much. He didn't want to die but sometimes living was so hard.

"I don't do it now; I take care of it in a different way now as you probably guessed." He said
trailing off.

"Yeah I'd guessed. What do you do?"

"It's not often. Usually after a bad nightmare."

Gibbs interrupted, "Like the one last night."

"Yeah, like that. Normally after one of them I'll be out of the apartment and in town within the
hour. Regardless of the day or time."

"But not yesterday," Gibbs stated.

"Yesterday was." Tony stopped. Yesterday had been different. He hadn't felt the urge he
normally felt for pain. Instead he had just felt relieved to have Gibbs there, relieved that it
was just a dream. And when Gibbs had stayed with him, had held him he had fallen into a
soundless sleep. He hadn't had to worry about forgetting, about inducing pain. Having Gibbs
there had alleviated all of that.

"Yesterday was different." He continued. "I didn't feel any of that then."

"I'm glad," said Gibbs smiling. And he was. He was hugely relieved that his presence allowed
Tony to relax. He may not have been able to stop what had happened to Tony as a teenager
or help him afterwards but he could help him now.

"Me too." He paused thinking how he could phrase what was going on in his mind. "When I'm
town I normally go to clubs, not the mainstream ones. Ones that are out of the way where the
more hardcore people go."

Normally he'd order something to drink and watch the club goers until he spotted someone
who he thought could give him what he wanted. When he spotted someone he made eye
contact and more often than not they'd end up in one of the backrooms.

Tony paused, gauging Gibbs reaction. "Once I'm there I find someone and then, well, you
probably know what happens next."

"Not all of it" Gibbs responded. "I don't know how far you let them go."

"I don't let them leave permanent marks. They don't seriously hurt me, just enough."

Gibbs wanted to know if Tony slept with them. Whether it was just about pain, or whether
there were other elements involved.

Tony knew what Gibbs wanted to know and decided to satisfy the older man's unasked
question.

"I slept with most of them." He said flushing slightly. "But I never got off. Most of them aren't
willing to hurt me unless they get some pleasure out of it. I can't let myself enjoy it, going
there is not about me getting pleasure. It's about forgetting. That's all."

Gibbs felt nothing but anger for the men who had hurt Tony. They must have been aware that
Tony wasn't getting any pleasure out of their encounter but they still used him. But he wasn't
going to let Tony know that now. Right now Tony just needed to be reassured that Gibbs
wasn't going to leave him, that he accepted everything.

"Ok. I won't pretend to understand everything but I'll accept it. I haven't changed my mind
about anything."

Tony couldn't believe how Gibbs could still want to be with him but he wasn't about to
question the older man's judgment.

"Thank you, Jethro."

Gibbs knew that Tony shouldn't have to thank him for accepting him but he decided he'd take
small steps. He'd gradually build up Tony's self confidence and self worth.

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" Gibbs said teasing.

Tony chuckled. "No, it wasn't. But ah, you know about the whole taking it slow thing?"

"Yeah," Gibbs said, amused by Tony's blush.

"Does, um, that include kissing?"

Gibbs outright laughed at Tony's expression. It was a mixture of shy and hopefulness and it
was one of the cutest things Gibbs had seen. "No, Tony. It doesn't include kissing."

"Ok, that's good then." Tony said looking at Gibbs' mouth. He couldn't remember a time when
he hadn't wanted to kiss Gibbs, and right now, now that he knew he was allowed to, it was all
he could think about.

Gibbs smiled entertained by Tony, he could tell what the younger man wanted to do and he
had no trouble making the first move. He slowly moved closer to Tony and then pressed their
lips together.

Tony couldn't remember a kiss ever feeling this good. It was everything you could possibly
want out of a kiss. Gibbs took total control, his tongue stroking Tony's lips until the younger
man opened his mouth granting him access. Tony was too far gone in the kiss to be
embarrassed by the mewling sound he made as Gibbs' tongue mapped the inside of his
mouth.

Gibbs couldn't remember getting this turned on from a kiss since he was a teenager. The way
Tony opened his mouth so sweetly under his, the little noises he made in the back of his
throat wickedly combined together to make this one of the best kisses Gibbs had ever had. His
senses were all heightened; his skin tingled beneath his cloths as he and Tony moved closer
together. The feeling of the brunette, pliant and willing under him, was one of the hottest
things he had ever felt. But Gibbs knew if he didn't stop then going slow would be out the
window so reluctantly he pulled away.

Tony's eyes were glazed and his mouth red swollen. He looked so incredibly hot that Gibbs
almost thought to forget the going slow idea but he couldn't. He leant his forehead against
Tony's.

"Ok?" he whispered, breathing heavily.

"Better than Ok. Why'd you stop?" Tony asked indignantly.

Gibbs laughed. "We're going slow, remember?"

"I don't care. I want more of that," the younger man said petulantly.

"You can have more of that later. Why don't you show me one of those movies you love so
much? What was it? Magnum?"

Tony was surprised that Gibbs even remembered the name of his favorite TV shows that he
didn't even care that Gibbs had mistaken it for a movie.

"Sure thing."

Once he had put the DVD on he settled back on the couch leaning into Gibbs' warm embrace.
He couldn't remember feeling this content. Right now he wasn't worried about whether Gibbs
would leave him or what the older man was thinking of. Tony was just enjoying the feeling of
being safe and warm in Gibbs arms.

Chapter 10

This dream was different than the others. He was outside his body watching what happened.
He couldn't move, he couldn't speak and he couldn't hear. He could just watch. He watched as
his younger self stared up at him, his eyes wide and pleading. He watched as each man
touched him, had him. He saw how they grinned at each other oblivious to the pain they were
causing, oblivious to the tears and the blood. He watched as his twelve year old self struggled
and pleaded while the tears streamed down his face.

Tony shot awake, his face damp from tears to see Gibbs watching him in concern.

"Sorry," he said, embarrassed that he had woken Gibbs again with another one of his stupid
nightmares.

"Hey, you do not have to be sorry for this." Gibbs hated how Tony was always so scared after
having a nightmare and how he was always tried to apologize. It was horrible to know that
Tony thought he would be angry with him because he had nightmares and it often made him
wonder what happened when Tony had them as a kid. Every time Tony looked away with
shame and embarrassment after he had a nightmare Gibbs would feel his anger and hatred
rise for the people who did this to him.

Gibbs knew he couldn't go after Tony's father and shoot him, no matter how much he wanted
to. He knew it would be damn near impossible for him to track down the men and that it
wouldn't change what had happened. Gibbs had had to employ different tactics to release his
anger. He was running every morning, spending more time in the ring but it wasn't helping.
All it did was calm how he felt for a couple of hours. It was getting harder and harder to
control his anger especially as he was learning more about how Tony's childhood affected him
now.

It had been two months since Gibbs and Tony had started a relationship. Two months since he
had learnt about what had happened to cause the younger man to wear a mask. Tony's
nightmares had abated somewhat, this was the first one that he'd had in two weeks. He hadn't
had any this bad since the first one Gibbs witnessed.

"It's alright," he said softly pulling Tony close. "Go back to sleep."

Tony was grateful everyday to have Gibbs there. As embarrassed as he was whenever he had
a nightmare it was so much better to wake up and cuddle with Gibbs and go back to sleep
than it was to have to go out to the clubs. He buried his head into Gibbs' chest, breathed in his
scent and allowed himself to drift back to sleep.

The two months had gone very fast. The two men had spent the time getting to know each
other; Tony was becoming more comfortable in Gibbs' presence. They rarely brought up
Tony's childhood and how he had previously coped but Tony knew that should he want to talk
about it Gibbs would be there. And Gibbs knew that Tony knew that. Tony was still harboring a
lot of insecurities about their relationship and finding it hard to believe that Gibbs wanted to
be with him permanently. However Gibbs made sure to constantly reassure Tony of his place
in his life.

The case they were working on right now was the most difficult they'd had since starting their
relationship. The daughter of a petty officer had gone missing and they'd spent the past two
days using every resource they had to try and find her.

So far they had nothing. The daughter’s name was Cassie Jenkins, she was ten years old, had
a happy home life and her mother hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary during the days

prior to her disappearance. She was a happy healthy girl with dark brown hair and eyes; she
always had plenty of friends. She had gone missing three days ago; her Mother had notified
the police when she didn't come home after school.

The whole team was getting increasingly frustrated by the lack of suspects and evidence but
they finally got lucky as they were going back over the school grounds.

"Ah, Boss, I think you should take a look at this." McGee said subtly pointing out a white car
parked outside the school. The windows were slightly tinted and they could just make out the
silhouette of someone sitting in the driver's seat. There was still another two hours until school
finished so it was unlikely that it was a parent.

"It could just be someone picking up their kid early," Ziva said.

"Keep an eye on it. DiNozzo, get the number plate" Gibbs ordered.

Tony wasn't getting a good feeling about the car, however before he could let Gibbs know of
his suspicions the car started and drove off and he didn't think anything more of it.

They didn't find anything more at the school grounds or hear anything out of the ordinary
when the spoke to the teachers. McGee asked a few of them if they'd seen the white car
before but none of them recalled seeing it.

They eventually called it a day and headed back to the office. Gibbs had McGee check the
license plate of the car, while Tony and Ziva went over everything they already knew.

"We know she left the school grounds, her teacher remembers seeing her leave," Tony said.

"But we don't know where she went, if she was on her way home, if she got picked up! We
don't know anything more than she left school and didn't make it home," Ziva said angrily.
Tony could tell this case was getting to her, heck it was getting to all of them. None of them
wanted to think that they might not be able to find her. Even if they found her body it would
give closure to the family, but right now they didn't have anything to go on.

"Boss, got a hit on the license plate. It belongs to a Jason Kirk and his address is a few blocks
down from the school."

It could be nothing Gibbs thought but he agreed that the car looked suspicious and it wouldn't
do any harm to check it out.

"Ok, grab your gear, we'll go check it out," he ordered.

Gibbs drove at his normal hectic speed and they were soon pulling into the driveway of a
rundown house. The white car was parked up on the brown front lawn, the white paint was
peeling all over the house and the gate was unhinged. Gibbs could see a shed of some sort
further back which was just as run down as the house.

Gibbs knocked firmly on the door, with no response. Sighing, he knocked harder "Federal
agents open up."

"Don't think he's answering, Boss," Tony said peering inside.

"Right. You two take the house," Gibbs said to McGee and Ziva. "DiNozzo, with me. We'll
check out the shed."

Tony and Gibbs walked behind the house and out to the shed, each taking in their
surroundings as they did so.

"Boss, look," Tony whispered pointing down to the ground in front of the shed. Gibbs looked
where Tony was pointing and saw the blood. He indicated for Tony to keep quiet pulling out
his weapon.

Tony followed suit and they stood outside the shed door. Gibbs kicked in the door and moved
inside, Tony following him both directing their weapons inside the shed.

"Freeze, Federal Agents," Gibbs yelled.

As soon as Gibbs entered that shed he knew that there was no way Cassie Jenkins was alive.
There was blood everywhere, it was pooling on the floor out from beneath Cassie's brown hair.
Her eyes were staring lifelessly towards the ceiling and her clothes were bloodied and torn.
And sitting across from her was Jason Kirk. He was covered in her blood and he was staring at
her, fixated.

"She wouldn't shut up," he whispered. "I couldn't get her to shut up."

Tony couldn't remove his eyes from the lifeless figure on the ground. He hated it when
children were involved; cases like this were always the worst.

"Stand up and put your hands where I can see them." Gibbs ordered.

Jason stood up but instead of putting his hands forward he moved over to Cassie.

"She was so pretty I had to have her, you see. She wanted it too. I could tell, I don't know
why she kept screaming." As Jason spoke he began stroking Cassie's hair.

Tony froze and filled with fear. He couldn't be near Jason; he was just like those other men. It
was too soon after his father, after everything for him to cope with this. He couldn't think like
a cop right now. He felt the bile rise in his throat and tried to keep himself from retching. He
wanted to get as far away from Jason as he could, watching him touch Cassie's lifeless body
made him think of everything that had happened to him. He could feel their hands on him
again, could feel their breath on the back of his neck. He wasn't sure he could fight the
memory this time.

As soon as Jason spoke Gibbs saw red. He didn't even think about shooting him, he shot
forward and pushed Jason up against the wall, forcing his arm against his throat.

"You fucking bastard. She didn't want you, she was a fucking kid!" he yelled. He wasn't
thinking about the repercussions of what would happen as a result of his manhandling Jason.
All he could think of was how the bastards who had done the same thing to Tony had walked.
How Tony could have died. How he had spent his childhood knowing that those men were still
out there. Gibbs wasn't even aware that Jason was struggling for breath. All he was thinking
about was Tony and what he had gone through. About what could have happened.

Tony was shocked by Gibbs' actions. He wanted to stop the older man before he did
something that would cost him his job but he couldn't go near Jason. He couldn't speak, he
just stood there.

"Gibbs, stop," Ziva yelled, running in with McGee following behind.

As soon as he heard Ziva, Gibbs realized what he was doing and he stood back like he'd been
burned. He couldn't believe he had lost control like that. He turned and looked at Tony. The
color had drained from his face and his eyes were again fixed on the still form of Cassie
Jenkins.

"Tony?" he whispered.

Tony looked up when he heard Gibbs and then realization hit him. He had almost let Gibbs kill
a suspect. There was no way Gibbs could keep him on his team now, he couldn't do his job.

Gibbs saw as Tony began to panic but before he could do anything before the younger man
turned and fled out the door.

Chapter 11

"Crap," Gibbs thought as he ran out after Tony. He couldn't imagine how freaked out Tony
would be after encountering this so soon after learning about his Father and sharing
everything with him. He found Tony hunched over by the side of the car puking up his lunch.
Gibbs stood next to him until he had finished and then handed over a tissue to wipe his mouth
with.

Tony gratefully took the tissue and wiped his mouth. He didn't want to face Gibbs; he didn't
want to see the disappointment that he knew would be in his eyes. He had fucked up and now
he was going to loose the best thing that had ever happened to him. There was no way that
Gibbs would want to be with him. Gibbs didn't date cowards.

Gibbs could see how Tony was leaning away from him, how he wouldn't meet his eyes. He
never should have lost his temper like that. Tony needed to know that he wouldn't loose
control that he could take care of him. But he had screwed up monumentally today and as a
result Tony was obviously scared of him.

He sighed; it was going to take a lot of work to get Tony as comfortable around him as he was
before today.

"I'm sorry, Tony. I shouldn't have lost it like that." He said carefully watching Tony. He had
been expecting to see fear when Tony looked at him so he was confused when Tony looked up
sharply, a look of utter surprise written all over his face.

"What? Why are you sorry? I'm the one who screwed up."

Tony couldn't believe that Gibbs was apologizing to him. He'd fucked up. He should have
known that as soon as Gibbs saw Cassie he'd lose it. Cassie was a similar age as Kelly when
she had died so it was understandable that Gibbs wouldn't be able to control himself, he would
have been thinking about his dead daughter. Tony knew Gibbs, he should have been able to
read him and stop him from attacking Jason. But he hadn't. He fucked up; he couldn't believe
how stupid he'd been. He had let his own emotional issues cloud his judgment and affect his
job. And it was going to cost him.

Now it was Gibbs' turn to look surprised. "Hey, that's not true. You could not have stopped me
from attacking that bastard. This is not your fault."

"Boss, I should have known how you'd react when you saw Cassie and I should have stopped
you. I screwed up; you don't need to pretend like I didn't to make me feel better. I know
about Kelly, I know you were thinking about her. It's my job to have your six and I didn't, you
might as well take my badge now." Tony said turning around.

Gibbs finally clicked. Tony thought that it was thoughts of Kelly that had caused him to snap.
He had no idea that Gibbs was angry on his behalf. Looking back on it Gibbs was surprised
that he hadn't thought about Kelly, normally cases like this brought memories of Kelly to the
forefront of his mind. But not this time. This time the only person he had been thinking about
when he saw Cassie was Tony.

"I wasn't thinking about Kelly, Tony," Gibbs said softly. He gently pulled Tony around to face
him. "I was thinking about you."

Tony looked blankly at him. Gibbs suddenly realized that Tony had no idea of the rage he had
felt towards those men in Maui and towards his Father. He had been trying so hard to keep

Tony oblivious to the anger he felt that he hadn't realized Tony probably thought he didn't
care that much.

"I was thinking about Maui, Tony. I was thinking about how I could have lost the chance to
know you. I was thinking those men walked away, how they didn't get any sort of punishment
for what they did and how I couldn't let that happen with Jason."

Tony was shocked, he couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe Gibbs was that affected by what
had happened to him. He ignored the small feeling of hope that was rising inside of them. It
was too much to believe that Gibbs had been that angry on his behalf. He had seen Gibbs
angry for other people, Abby, their victims, victims families but he had never expected that
there was even a slight possibility that it would ever arise in his defense.

"But why?"

Gibbs felt the anger that had abated due to his worry for Tony rise again. He hated it every
time he saw Tony's insecurities. Right now he was angry at himself, he thought Tony knew
how important he was to him, thought that Tony had been getting more confident of his place
in Gibbs' life but he was wrong.

Gibbs sighed sadly, "Because I care about you, Tony. Because every time that I see how hurt
you are because of what they did I hurt."

He pulled the younger man close to him and moved his mouth against Tony's ear. "Because I
love you and I hate that this happened to you."

Tony's mind was buzzing. Gibbs couldn't love him, it was hard enough for him to understand
that Gibbs wanted to be in a relationship let alone be in love with him. He didn't know what he
was supposed to do; he was still trying to get the images of Cassie's body out of his mind as
well as comprehending everything that Gibbs had just said.

"But you can't," he whispered. "You're not meant to love me."

"Tony, listen to me. I love you. You deserve to be loved and I don't care if I have to spend the
rest of my life making you understand that you got that?"

Tony didn't respond until he felt a sharp tap to the back of his head.

"I said you got that?" Gibbs repeated.

"I don't know if I can, Jethro. No ones ever said that to me before, no one ever noticed that I
was hiding anything. No one ever cared! I'm trying, I really am but it's too hard."

"I think more people notice and care than you think, Tony," Gibbs said motioning to the shed
that Ziva and McGee were currently dragging Jason out of. Gibbs could see that Tony was still
finding everything hard to believe and as much as he wanted to keep trying to convince Tony
that what he was saying was true, Gibbs knew Tony needed some time to calm down and
breathe.

"We'll talk more tonight; let's close this up for now." Gibbs said as he pulled out his phone.
He'd call Ducky out to take care of Cassie, get McGee and Ziva to deal with the crime scene
and he'd take Tony back to the office, there was no way that he could let Jason sit in the same
car as Tony. He didn't think he could let Jason sit in the same car as him without blowing his
head off. McGee and Ziva could bring him back in the van; right now taking care of Tony was
his first priority.

Tony didn't respond he just let Gibbs support more of his weight and closed his eyes. He just
wanted to pretend that today hadn't happened. That he could go back to yesterday where
Gibbs wasn't trying to tell him he loved him. He wanted to get the image of the lifeless body of
Cassie Jenkins out of his mind but he knew that when he went to sleep that night she would
be all he saw.

Chapter 12

Tony sat at his desk staring blankly ahead oblivious to everything that was happening around
him. All that he could see was Jason stroking Cassie's hair, imagining how he must have
touched her, how he had killed her. Tony was oblivious to the looks McGee and Ziva were
giving them as they wrote up their reports. He wasn't even aware of the concerned looks
Gibbs was giving him. He was stuck in his own personal hell with Jason, the men in Maui and
his Father.

This had easily been one of the worst days Gibbs had experienced working at NCIS. He had
undertaken the awful task of telling Cassie's parents what had happened to her. He had taken
them down to autopsy where they saw Cassie. As soon as Cassie's mother saw her daughter's
body she burst into tears, gasping sobs that wracked her body. Petty officer Jennings just
stood there holding his wife, his face pale and his eyes clenched shut. Gibbs was well aware
that there was nothing he could say that could ease their pain. He offered his condolences and
told them that they had the man who had murdered their daughter, that without a doubt he
would get life in prison.

Right now, Gibbs was watching Tony. Even the Monday after his Father's visit Tony had been
doing something, he may have been subdued and quiet but he had still been doing something.
Right now all he was doing was staring blankly ahead; he wasn't even trying to distract
himself with work. It was clear to Gibbs that Tony was struggling to deal with today and was
trying to sort everything out in his head.

"Ziva. McGee, head home. You can hand in your reports in the morning."

The two agents looked at him in surprise. Tony however didn't react to Gibbs' statement at all,
he remained exactly as he was. Ziva and McGee both looked at Tony their eyes filled with
concern. No one had ever seen Tony like this, even after the most horrific cases Tony was
always there to make everyone feel better, to divert Gibbs' anger and to lighten the
atmosphere.

"I'll take care of him," Gibbs said softly "go home."

Ziva nodded and grabbed her bag heading towards the elevator. Tim however remained
behind, still looking at Tony.

"He's going to be alright though, isn't he?"

Tony may have annoyed, teased and tormented him but McGee knew that Tony always had
his back. He had come to respect the senior field agent's ability to find the little bits of
information that would solve a case and how he would stand up to Gibbs if he thought that he
was being too much of a bastard. Tony wouldn't yell or cause a scene, he'd do something
subtly like the Moby Dick comment he'd made during Tim's first year with them. He
remembered how he couldn't believe that Tony had sad that and his surprise when it had
worked. Gibbs had still been angry, was still out for Ari's blood but he had reigned in his
anger. He didn't want to admit it but it was scaring the shit out of him to see Tony like this. So
still and unresponsive.

"He'll be fine, McGee. Go home and get some rest."

"I'm not sure sleep's going to come tonight, Boss," McGee said. He wasn't taking this case any
where near as badly as Tony was but he still knew exactly what he would see if he fell asleep
tonight.

"I know. I don't think any of us are going to get much sleep tonight. Go home; work on your
next book or something."

McGee nodded. He grabbed his stuff and walked towards the elevator.

Gibbs turned and walked over to Tony kneeling in front of the younger man. He was staring
just as he had been before, not moving and not acknowledging Gibbs' presence.

"Tony," Gibbs said softly "You need to go home now."

Tony's eyes flickered slightly but he still didn't look at Gibbs. He didn't want to move, if he
tried then he would risk loosing the numbness that had seeped through his body. Right now
he could see the images of Cassie, could see the men who had hurt him but he couldn't feel it.
It was like he had been injected with anesthetic. He could see what had happened to him, to
Cassie, but he couldn't feel anything. He could just watch. He didn't want to risk having to
feel.

Gibbs saw Tony's eyes flicker so he knew the other man had heard him, that he wasn't so far
into his own mind that he was completely oblivious to what was happening around him. He
was just choosing to ignore it. It was no use to try and pull Tony out of it right now and have
him break down at the office. Gibbs pulled Tony to his feet, relieved when the younger man
stood alone without his assistance. He grabbed his own bag and Tony's and led Tony down to
the car park. Tony followed when Gibbs pulled him but as soon as Gibbs let go, Tony stopped.
It was like Tony didn't want to make any decisions Gibbs thought. It made sense, Tony was
too busy trying to handle what was going on in his head so he wasn't really responding to
what was out of it.

Tony was aware that he was moving, that Gibbs was with him but that was all he knew. He
couldn't let himself focus on what was happening around him or else everything that was
clouded by his numbness would come pouring out. And Tony didn't think he could handle that.

Tony was obviously in no state to drive so Gibbs led him over to his car and placed him in the
front seat. Tony would probably freak out about his car in the morning but right now that was
the least of Gibbs' worries. He got in the front seat and leant over Tony putting his seat belt
on, Tony still sat unmoving not even twitching as Gibbs leant over him.

Gibbs drove at his normal place deciding to go to Tony's apartment as opposed to his house. It
would be easier for the younger man to cope being in surroundings that he knew well.
Although they had spent time at both Gibbs' place and Tony's place, they spent more time at
Tony's. Gibbs gave a small smile as he remembered how Tony had tried to convince him it
was because Gibbs really liked his towels. Gibbs knew however it was because the younger
man felt safer there and Gibbs wasn't going to complain if it made Tony more comfortable.
Gibbs was happy wherever they were as long as he got to spend time with Tony, they didn't
spent every night together but they did more often than not.

Gibbs pulled into Tony's apartment and turned to the younger man.

"Tony. We're here."

Tony was still steadily ignoring Gibbs, he was focusing on keeping himself from feeling
anything for the images that were still imprinted on his mind, but it was getting harder. He
could feel the panic, anger and fear that he had been suppressing start to rise within him.

Gibbs clenched his hands. He wanted to go back to NCIS and beat the crap out of Jason for
bringing all this back for Tony. For making him relive what he had gone through. For doing it

to Cassie. Taking a deep breath he pushed all those thoughts aside, right now he needed to
focus on getting Tony to snap out of it. He got out of the car and helped Tony out of the
passenger's seat. He led them up the stairs and into Tony's apartment. Gibbs could feel small
tremors running through Tony's body and could hear his breathing speed up slightly. He took
Tony into his bedroom and sat him down on the end of the bed. The street light shone through
the window creating shadows that played across Tony's face. Even in this light Gibbs could see
the anguish that was appearing on Tony's face. He was starting to come out of wherever his
mind had been trapped and Gibbs knew that meant everything that had happened today was
going to hit Tony at once.

He went and drew the curtains and then sat down next to Tony, pulling the younger man
close. He could feel the younger man start to shake and could tell that Tony was trying to
avoid breaking down.

"Tony, it's ok, you can let it out now. They can't get you here."

It wasn't working anymore. Tony could feel the fog that had settled over the images in his
mind lift, could feel the numbness that had swallowed him fade. The images of Cassie burned
into his mind, the anger and fear he felt due to Jason rise up within him. The confusion he felt
due to Gibbs' declaration of love came back with a vengeance. He couldn't separate all the
emotions that were swirling around him, they overtook him, consuming him and he couldn't
think of anything else. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't get everything out of his head, he
wanted the oblivion he used to get. Even Gibbs' presence wasn't enough to calm him. He
needed the pain.

Gibbs could hear Tony's breathing get harsher and could feel the younger mans panic. He was
close to breaking point and Gibbs could only hope that he could handle it when he finally
snapped.

"Tony, you've got to breathe. Calm down." His words had no effect on Tony. He was just as
panicked as before.

Tony couldn't handle it and he couldn't let Gibbs see him when he was like this. It was enough
that the older man was there watching him panic, he couldn't let him see him when he finally
lost it. If he saw that then he wouldn't even bother pretending that he loved him. He'd just
leave.

He pulled away from Gibbs and pushed himself off the bed.

"I'm going to the bathroom," he forced out already halfway across the room. Tony practically
sprinted down the hall and into the bathroom locking the door behind him. He tried to take
deep breaths, tried to calm himself but he couldn't. He could feel their hands on him again,
could hear their harsh words in his ears, feel their weight pressing down on him.

"Stop," he whispered brokenly. "Please just stop." But they didn't. They didn't leave, Cassie's
body didn't leave. He couldn't get any of it out of his head. He paced around the bathroom
stopping in front of the mirror. He stared at himself, his eyes were wide with panic and he was
sweating and shaking. He knew there was nobody there, hell he could see there was nobody
there but he could still feel them. He could still hear them.

He couldn't take it anymore. He didn't want to be this crazy person whom he saw looking back
at him.

"What the fuck is wrong with you," he whispered harshly. His hands were gripping the sink in
front of the mirror so tightly that his knuckles were stark white.

"I don't want to be you,", and with that everything that Tony was trying to avoid overpowered
him he couldn't stop it. He just wanted it all to stop. He pulled back his arm and smashed it
into the mirror in front of him. Again and again he hit it until all the glass had fallen into the
sink, some shattering into smaller fragments on the floor.

He didn't hear Gibbs yell from outside the door or him pounding on the door. The silence was
deafening. He could see the shards of glass in the sink and on the floor, some tinged a bright
red. The normally pristine white sink was stained red but he didn't care. He didn't notice the
blood dripping down his arm, all he knew was that it had stopped. They had finally left him
alone.

Tony moved slowly away from the mirror, still oblivious to Gibbs' pounding at his door. He
leant back against the wall sliding down it until he was sitting against it. He was staring to feel
the pain in his arm, a dull throb. He was starting to calm down, it worked. The pain always
worked.

Gibbs was taken by surprise by Tony as he quickly left the bedroom but he soon followed after
him but Tony had already locked himself in the bathroom. He decided to wait and give Tony
some space but as soon as he heard the glass shatter and was up against the door pounding
his fist against it demanding to be let in.

"Tony, open the door now!" He yelled, but he got no response from Tony.

"Damn, DiNozzo. Open the goddamn door!"

He still didn't get an answer. Starting to panic he moved back from the door and the using
most of the rage that had built up over the course of the day he kicked the door in.

What he saw when he rushed into the bathroom made his blood run cold. Tony was sitting
against the wall with his arm cradled in his lap, blood running out from a number of cuts.
Gibbs saw the shattered mirror and put two and two together.

"Shit," he said moving over to Tony, grabbing a cloth from the stained sink as he did so. He
crouched down and clamped his hand over the largest of the wounds. They weren't gushing
blood Gibbs was relieved to find but Tony defiantly still needed medical attention. Leaving one
hand clamped on Tony's arm he grabbed his cell and dialed Ducky's number.

Ducky picked up on the third ring. "Jethro, to what do I owe this somewhat late pleasure?"

"I need to get to DiNozzo's now."

"Oh, dear. What's Anthony done now?"

"I'll explain when you get here. Just get here now," he said hanging up.

He looked at Tony who had his head turned to the side, his eyes shut and breathing shaky.

"Aw, hell, DiNozzo. Why can't you just talk to me?"

Tony turned his head around, his eyes bright with unshed tears. "I'm sorry, Jethro. I just
needed them to go away. I needed it all to stop."

Chapter 13

Tony lay in his bed staring up at the ceiling. He barely remembered Ducky arriving and
stitching up his arm or getting into bed. He didn't want to remember what had happened
tonight, didn't want to remember how he had lost it. Gibbs would never want to be with him
now. He had acted like some insane person, screaming at himself in the mirror, feeling other
people in the room when he knew there was no one there.

He normally felt completely fine after to going to his regular clubs, after finding some source
of pain but now he wasn't so sure. The pain that came from smashing his arm into the mirror
may have made him able to get away from the images of Cassie, of what had happened to
him but the agony that he was feeling now as he thought about how he could have further
ruined his chances with Gibbs was worse. He wasn't sure that it was worth making himself
hurt to forget, not if it meant he lost Gibbs.

Tony rolled over pulling his bandaged arm close to his body and pressed his face into the bed
stifling a sob. He was sick of breaking down like this. He just wanted to be with Gibbs without
all these setbacks. He just wanted to be happy.

Gibbs was standing in the living room zoning out as Ducky rambled on with one of his stories.
Gibbs wasn't paying any attention he was thinking about Tony. Again. It seemed like all he did
now was think about Tony and worry about Tony. After what had happened tonight he wasn't
sure that he could give the younger man the help and support that he needed. Gibbs wasn't
about to leave the younger man, he knew that would devastate Tony. He was aware that Tony
liked him, loved him even, but he also knew that Tony didn't believe that he felt the same
way. Tony had been getting closer to believing that Gibbs wasn't leaving, that he actually
cared about him but tonight had been a major set back. He had thought Tony would have
been able to talk to him instead of reverting back to his old coping mechanisms.

He had seen the shame in Tony's eyes and the pain. It was an improvement, he guessed, that
Tony seemed to regret how he had handled things. He wanted Tony to learn that putting
himself in pain like that wasn't really going to help. Not in the long run. However he didn't
want he didn't want Tony to think that he was angry and him for what he had done, that he
couldn't talk to him if he ever felt like that.

"Duck," he said, interrupting the older man "is Tony going to be alright?"

"Oh, yes. Physically he's going to be fine; I'll remove the stitches in about a week."

"You said physically," Gibbs said "what about mentally?"

"Mentally I'm not so sure. From what I've heard lately Anthony hasn't been too much like
himself or perhaps he's being more like himself and less like who he pretends to be. That
combined with what I've seen tonight I have to admit I am a bit worried about him."

Gibbs was curious. "Who have you been hearing things from?"

"I've had both Timothy and Ziva down in autopsy expressing their concern for young Anthony.
I even had Abby pop down and have a chat, most of which also revolved around her concern
for Anthony. I'm guessing that it was this most recent case that caused Anthony's actions
tonight?"

"Yeah," Gibbs sighed. "He isn't dealing to well with this one."

"But he had been acting differently before this case, hadn't he?"

Gibbs sighed; it wasn't his place to tell Ducky what had been causing Tony to act differently.

"Yeah, he has. I can't tell you why, Duck, I couldn't betray his trust like that."

Ducky peered at him over his glasses. "And I wouldn't ask you to. However I can still offer my
advice regarding what I know of the situation. If Tony has confided in you and told you what
had been causing him to act in this manner then you have a responsibility to help him. If
however you don't think you can then you need to find someone else who will."

"I know, Duck. I knew when he told me that I would have to help him but it's bad. Really bad
and I'm not sure that I'm able to give him the help that he needs, look at what happened
tonight, dammit!" Gibbs said angrily.

"Jethro, none of what happened tonight was your fault. Anthony broke down and you were
there to pick up the pieces. And you will remain here to continue picking them up. You have to
remember that Anthony chose you and things generally get worse before they get better.
Perhaps tonight will be the turning point in Anthony's recovery. Give him some time if you still
think he needs more help than what you can give him then find someone else."

Gibbs really hoped that Ducky was right. He wanted to be the one who helped Tony and he
thought that Tony might think Gibbs was abandoning him, thinking he had too much baggage
if he tried to pass off all of Tony's issues onto a shrink.

"I hope you're right, Duck. Thanks for coming, I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'm sure you will," Ducky said turning to the door. "Oh, and Jethro" he said pausing "don't be
so doubtful of your ability to help Anthony. He wouldn't have told you if he didn't think you
could help."

Gibbs nodded and saw Ducky out the door. Once he had left, Gibbs went down the hall to
check up on Tony. He poked his head in the door and saw the younger man curled up in a
fetal position, his body lightly shaking. Concerned Gibbs walked into the bedroom and as he
moved closer he saw the tears that were slowly falling out from under Tony's closed lids.

"Aw, Tony," he said sitting next to the other man. "Come here." and he pulled him up and into
his arms.

Tony buried his head into Gibbs' chest. "Please don't hate me. I'm sorry; I won't lose it like
that again. Just don't leave."

Tony couldn't stop himself from breaking down in Gibbs' embrace. The pain may have got rid
of the ghosts that were circling around in his head but it hadn't really been helping him. He
hadn't understood that before but he did now and he knew that Gibbs could help him if he
gave him a chance. He only hoped he hadn't fucked up enough to make Gibbs leave. He knew
the other man had said he never would but Tony wasn't sure how much more of his screw ups
he could take.

Gibbs held Tony tightly as he sobbed in his arms. He could see how distraught Tony was and
he knew that he had to reassure the younger man that tonight hadn't changed how he felt.

"I'm not leaving. I've told you before and I don't care how many more times I have to say it
until you believe me but I'm not leaving you, I love you. I know that you find that hard to
believe but I've never lied to you before and I'm not about to start now."

Tony breathed in deeply as he felt his heart speed up at Gibbs words. He wanted to believe
him so badly and he could hear the truth shining out in Gibbs voice. He knew that if he wanted
Gibbs to be able to help him through everything then he would have to be able to trust that
what he was saying was true. That he wasn't going to screw him over and leave. He would
have to be able to talk to Gibbs even if it got as bad as it was today. He also knew that he had
to stop doubting everything that Gibbs was saying. Gibbs was right, he had lever lied to him
before so why would he now.

Tony was determined to get better; he'd had enough of feeling ashamed and hurt all the time.
He wanted to be happy and be with Gibbs. He was still scared about fully letting Gibbs in and
letting himself believe that Gibbs wanted him but he'd had enough of trying to avoid it. He had
to take this chance while he still had it.

"I know," Tony said softly "and I'm sorry about tonight. I shouldn't have run off like that. I
should have stayed and talked it out with you."

Gibbs was shocked. He had been expecting Tony to pull away, to doubt that Gibbs was telling
the truth but the younger man had surprised him.

Tony could see the surprise etched on Gibbs' face. He hadn't realized how hard it had been for
the older man to know that he hadn't trusted him enough to believe what he was saying. But
Tony was determined to try harder. He did not want another repeat of tonight.

"It's alright, Tony. I'm glad you're realizing you're stuck with me," Gibbs joked trying to
lighten the atmosphere. Tony had moved forward a lot tonight and Gibbs didn't want to push
him any more.

Tony laughed, it was a little watery but it was there. "There's no one else I'd rather be stuck
with, Jethro."

Gibbs dropped a kiss onto the top of Tony's head.

"Come on, let's go to bed we've had a long day."

"Alright," Tony said clambering under the covers and latching onto Gibbs as soon as he
climbed into the bed.

Gibbs loved how it felt having the younger man in his arms, it was a feeling he knew he would
never get sick of.

They lay there like that until Tony started to move slightly in Gibbs' arms.

"Jethro?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

Tony put his mouth up to Gibbs' ear.

"I love you too," he whispered shyly.

Gibbs smiled and pulled Tony close. Finding the younger man’s mouth in the dark, he placed a
chaste kiss on his lips.

"I know you do, Tony."

Chapter 14

The next day passed by with little trouble. Tony felt better than he had in weeks. It was so
much easier, he realized, to accept that Gibbs loved him than it was to continuously doubt
everything the older man said and think that he was going to leave. Tony and Gibbs both
knew that there were still going to be days when Tony's insecurities would rear up and he
would doubt Gibbs again but they were much better prepared to handle it. It was made a lot
easier by Tony finally trying to accept how Gibbs felt about him and trying to believe that he
deserved it.

The day went by much faster than Tony expected even though they had no new case. Tony
soon realized that even though he wasn't kept as busy as he would like the thoughts that
normally plagued him when he was unoccupied rarely showed up and when they did it was
much easier to push them away than it had been previously.

They spent the day writing up their reports on the Cassie Jenkins case. Although Tony was still
deeply affected by the case he was able to look at it professionally, any personal issues he
could deal with at home with Gibbs.

Gibbs had to have a brief meeting with the director about what had happened with Jason Kirk
but nothing formal came out of it. Director Vance may not have been Gibbs' favorite person
but he was a Father and so sympathized with Gibbs reaction at seeing Cassie. The Director
had also assumed that Gibbs had been thinking about Kelly when he'd attacked Jason and
Gibbs saw no reason to correct him of that notion.

They day soon drew to a close and eventually it was just Tony and Gibbs left in the bullpen.

"Alright, DiNozzo, let's call it a day," Gibbs said shutting down his computer and packing up
his gear.

Tony nodded following suit. They walked over to the elevator together and headed down to
the garage.

"Yours tonight," Tony asked. Although they spent more time at his place Tony still enjoyed
staying over at Gibbs'. He liked that he got to see all the parts of Gibbs that no one else saw.
He especially liked it when they were down in the basement and he got to sit on the chair with
a book while Gibbs worked on the boat. The conversation was light but it was not awkward. Of
course Tony also enjoyed watching Gibbs work on the boat because he got to see the play of
muscles under Gibbs shirt and the muscles in his arms as they tensed and relaxed while he
worked the wood. He also loved the concentration Gibbs had as he methodically sanded and
crafted the pieces of wood until they were perfect. In all honestly Tony thought he may have
developed a bit of a kink for boat building, just thinking about Gibbs working on the boat was
making his face flush and his cock hard.

"If that's alright with you?" Gibbs looked at Tony curiously. "Why are you blushing?"

"I'm not, I'm hot."

Gibbs decided to tease Tony a little bit, he had a pretty good idea of why the younger man
was flushed and it had nothing to do with the temperature.

"Yes, you are," Gibbs said silkily, his blue eyes meeting darkened green.

Tony blushed even redder. "Jethro!"

"What?" Gibbs asked innocently. He liked Tony when he was like this, when he was a mixture
of shy, turned on and embarrassed. It was a very hot look and it turned Gibbs on every time
he saw it. It was getting harder and harder to control his reactions around the younger man.
They had only kissed so far but each time Gibbs was finding it harder to stop himself from
ravishing the stunning brunette. But he was determined that that it would be Tony who made
the first move for them to go any further. Of course Tony was looking pretty turned on right
now so who knew when he would make his move Gibbs thought with a smirk.

"You know very well what," Tony said indignantly. "Stop it."

"I'm not doing anything. You're the one who said you were hot."

"You knew what I meant!"

"Yes, I did." Gibbs said his smirk still present.

Tony was relieved when the elevator finally reached the garage. He could feel the sexual
tension surrounding himself and Gibbs in the elevator and he wasn't quite sure what Gibbs
would have done if he'd jumped him. Although, if the darkening of Gibbs eyes was any
indication he probably wouldn't have complained.

"I'll see you soon then," Tony said moving the conversation away from anything remotely
sexual.

Gibbs laughed at Tony's non subtle change of subject. "Yep, steak alright for dinner?"

"Sounds good," Tony said heading to his car. He was thankful it was now the weekend and he
got to spend all of it with Gibbs, if the older man wanted to that is. Tony was accepting that
the older man loved him but he still didn't want to seem too needy or impose too much on
him.

He had packed a change of clothes in the car that morning and so he drove straight to Gibbs'
house.

Gibbs arrived home before Tony did and so was already in the kitchen cooking dinner when
Tony arrived.

"Do you want any help?" Tony asked leaning against the doorframe.

"Yeah, you can make a salad, stuff's in the fridge."

They settled into a companionable silence as they prepared dinner and they were soon eating
at the table.

"This is good, Jethro," Tony said through a mouthful of steak.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow at him as some of the steak juice dribbled down his chin. He reached
over and wiped it off.

Tony looked abashed and swallowed his mouthful. "Sorry. This is good," he repeated without
any food in his mouth.

"That's better."

They finished their meal off quickly with conversation flowing easily between them. Gibbs
began cleaning up the table while Tony started doing the dishes.

Tony loved the easy companionship that he had found with Gibbs. There was rarely any
awkwardness between them and Tony was able to be more like himself around Gibbs, he
never bothered to try and be someone else. If he didn't feel like joking around then he was
able to just be quiet without Gibbs thinking anything was wrong or asking questions. Last
night Tony had realizzed that Gibbs had been right all along, that hurting himself and letting
others hurt him had never really been helping him. Tony knew now that if he wanted to get
better and move on from what those men had done to him he had to let Gibbs completely in.
He had already taken the first steps to doing this when he had finally begun to accept that
Gibbs loved him and that he loved Gibbs.

Tony looked up and realized that he must have zoned out and now Gibbs was staring at him.

"Sorry, zoned out for a second."

"What were you thinking about?" Gibbs asked curiously. He was always a bit concerned when
Tony got lost in his thoughts, he didn't like how Tony would sit there sometimes thinking
about everything without ever talking about it. He didn't mind when Tony was just quiet, when
he'd curl up on the sofa on with a book but it was different when he zoned out. When he did
that he wasn't doing anything he'd just sit there thinking about what had happened to him and
Gibbs hated to think that he was reliving those memories alone.

"I was thinking that you had been right about everything."

"I'm always right," Gibbs said with exaggerated smugness.

"I know," Tony said smiling as he finished the dishes. "I'll do everything you say from now
on."

Gibbs laughed as Tony shot him a cheeky smile. "Come on, I want to do some work on the
boat."

Tony shivered as he thought about getting to watch Gibbs work on the boat. He followed Gibbs
down the stairs and settled on the couch picking up his book.

Tony pretended to read as he watched Gibbs start sanding one of the boats ribs. He watched
the play of muscles under Gibbs shirt as his arms moved over the wood. Tony shifted in his
seat as he tried to alleviate the ache he felt building up inside him.

Gibbs could feel Tony's eyes on him and stifled a grin as he heard the younger man moving
around in his seat. He didn't turn around; he wanted to see what Tony would do.

They remained like that for a while, Gibbs working on the boat whilst Tony pretended to read
while actually watching Gibbs.

Tony was getting increasingly uncomfortable and he could feel himself getting hard as he
watched Gibbs. He wanted to kiss the older man badly, hell he wanted to do a lot more than
kiss him but he was also worried about Gibbs rejecting him. Logically he knew that Gibbs
wouldn't, he had heard Gibbs in the elevator, had seen the desire in his eyes.

He got up and walked over to Gibbs watching as his hands carefully moved over the wood and
felt his mouth go dry.

Gibbs felt Tony's presence behind him and turned, his eyes questioning. What he saw made
him harden instantly. Tony's eyes were almost black with desire and his breathing was heavy.
Gibbs could feel the sexual tension radiating from the younger man, but he was still going to
make sure that Tony made the first move.

Tony moved forward hesitantly his eyes seeking Gibbs, checking for reassurance that what he
was about to do wasn't unwelcome. Once he was certain that his actions were welcome he
captured Gibbs lips with his own.

Gibbs let out a low groan as he felt the younger man's lips touch his. He pulled Tony up
against him, his mouth curving up as he heard the little mewling noise Tony made as their
groins were pushed together.

Tony felt like he was in heaven. He didn't think he had been this hard in his life. His mouth
opened as Gibbs ran his tongue over his lips and moaned as that probing tongue delved into
his mouth.

Gibbs leisurely explored Tony's mouth memorizing every corner. Gibbs spun them around and
pushed Tony up against the rib of the boat and moved his head down to suck gently on Tony's
neck. They were still rubbing their groins together and Gibbs could feel the heat that had been
pooling in his groin start to spread throughout his body. He rubbed harder up against Tony,
pulling his head away to look at him. He looked utterly debauched, his hair was sticking up all
over the place, his lips were puffy and moist and his mouth opened silently each time Gibbs
pushed against his cock.

Gibbs grinned, pleased that he had been the one to put that look on Tony's face. He brought
his mouth back to Tony's and moved faster.

Tony couldn't think or speak. All he could do was continue making those embarrassing
mewling noises as Gibbs rubbed up against him. He was so close; he could feel himself get
harder as they moved faster together until finally everything exploded. He let out a loud moan
into Gibbs mouth as everything turned white in a haze of pleasure.

Gibbs felt the moment when Tony's orgasm hit, the younger man jerked up against him,
moaning and then going limp, his body supported by both the boat and Gibbs.

Gibbs' orgasm followed and he bit off a loud moan focusing on kissing Tony as his body was
filled with intense pleasure, beginning from his cock and spreading across his whole body.

He rested his forehead to Tony's, breathing deeply waiting for the post coital haze to fade
before looking into Tony's eyes. The younger man's eyes were dazed and his face still flushed
as he looked at Gibbs and his mouth curved into a happy smile.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hey," Gibbs said back pressing a gentle kiss to Tony's lips. "Alright?"

"Yeah" Tony whispered happily. "Much better than alright."

Gibbs chuckled lightly, "Good."

They rested against the boat for a few minutes as there breathing evened out and their heart
rate slowed.

Gibbs pulled back from Tony, his hand grabbing the younger mans. "Come on, let's go to
bed."

"Wait," Tony said pouting slightly. "I want to stay like this."

"You're gonna get cold," he said looking down at the wet patch on the front of Tony's trousers.

Tony looked down and grinned. "Oh, yeah. Alright then."

They walked up the stairs and into Gibbs bedroom, quickly getting changed and into bed.

Tony cuddled up to Gibbs, tucking his head under Gibbs chin.

"Thanks," he whispered softly.

Gibbs wrapped his arms around the younger man. "Trust me it was no problem."

Tony breathed in Gibbs scent and allowed the feel of his arms around him to pull him into
sleep.

Chapter 15

Tony woke up and groaned as he realized that it was still dark. Whenever he woke up during
the night he generally couldn't get back to sleep and this time felt no different. He moved
closer to Gibbs' sleeping form and tried to get back to sleep but after several minutes Tony
knew it wasn't going to happen. He sat up and looked down at Gibbs' sleeping form, the older
man always looked peaceful and younger when he was sleeping and Tony was reluctant to
wake him.

He slipped out of the bed and left the bedroom heading towards the living room. He went and
stood by the window leaning his forehead against it, letting the cold seep through his skin. He
watched as the glass fogged up each time he breathed out. Tony let his mind drift back to the
previous night, a slight smile ghosting his face as he remembered. It had been amazing to be
with Gibbs like that and he wanted more. He had only ever been with other men as a means
to forget; he would only ever go out and find someone if everything got to be too much. He
had wanted to find someone he could be with but he had always been too scared and secretly
he had always known it was Gibbs who he wanted to be with.

Tony stood there staring out into the street until he felt someone standing behind him. He
turned around and saw Gibbs looking at him in concern.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep."

Gibbs moved closer and pulled Tony into his arms. "Nightmare?"

Tony shook his head nuzzling his head into Gibbs neck. He loved when Gibbs held him like he
was now. "I just couldn't sleep so I came down here."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

Tony smiled at him, "Jethro, nothings wrong I just couldn't get back to sleep, ok?"

Gibbs looked a little sheepish. "Sorry, I guess I freaked out when I woke up and you weren't
there."

Tony pressed a light kiss to Gibbs' lips. "It's alright, Jethro."

"Alright then, you ready to come back to bed?"

Tony hesitated, something which Gibbs picked up straight away.

"We don't have to if you don't think you can sleep."

"No, you're tired, you should sleep," Tony said "I'll just read a book or something."

Gibbs slapped the back of Tony's head. "Tony," he said firmly "I'm not going to be able to
sleep knowing you're out here by yourself."

Tony rubbed his head glaring at Gibbs but he looked unperturbed.

"Alright, we'll go back to bed. I'll try and get some sleep."

They went back into the bedroom and got settled in bed. Tony tried to get back to sleep but
he knew that it wasn't going to happen but he knew how he could make himself tired.

Gibbs watched as Tony got a mischievous smile on his face and wondered what was going
through the younger man’s head.

"Jethro," Tony said huskily running his finger across Gibbs collar bone "I'm really not tired."

Gibbs outright laughed as he realized what Tony wanted. He rolled them over until he was
pinning Tony to the mattress.

"Is that so? And what do you want to do about that?"

Tony groaned as their bodies came into contact. "I'm sure that you can think of something,"
he said breathlessly.

Gibbs lowered his head bringing their mouths together grinning as Tony quickly opened his
mouth under his. He gently pushed his tongue into Tony's mouth enjoying the way the
younger man cautiously caressed his tongue with his own. He lifted his head and moved down
gently biting Tony's neck and soothing it with his tongue.

Tony's mind was blank, all he could focus on was the wicked things Gibbs was doing with his
tongue. He moved his hands up under Gibbs shirt and ran his hands over the muscled back,
scratching gently when Gibbs ground his hips down.

Gibbs sat back, straddling Tony and moved his hands under his shirt and pulled it over the
younger mans head. He ran his hands over Tony's torso, loving the feeling of all that smooth,
unblemished skin just for him. Gibbs watched as Tony raised his arms gently tugging on Gibbs
shirt, his eyes uncertain. Getting the hint he pulled his shirt over his head and lowered himself
back onto Tony, groaning at the skin to skin contact.

"This ok?" he whispered.

"If you stop now I will shoot you."

Gibbs grinned. "Guess I better keep going then."

"Definitely."

Gibbs pressed a quick kiss to those smirking lips and then moved down Tony's body stopping
as he reached the darkened nipples.

He gently swiped his tongue over one then gently blowing watching in fascination as it
hardened. He gently nipped and licked at each eliciting moans from Tony. Gibbs continued in
this manner, lavishing equal amounts of attention on each peaked nipple until finally Tony had
had enough.

"Jethro!"

Gibbs raised his head and grinned up at him. "What?"

"I'm about to explode is what!" Tony said, and he certainly looked it. His face was flushed and
his hair was plastered to his forehead. His green eyes were staring into his and Gibbs could
see the want and desire radiating from them.

"What do want me to do about it?" he asked his voice low and gravely.

Tony shivered as Gibbs breath danced over his chest. He was so unbelievably turned on right
now that he wouldn't have said no to anything but he knew Gibbs wouldn't try penetration so
soon into their relationship and after learning everything about him. He trusted Gibbs implicitly
and knew the older man would never do anything that he would be uncomfortable with.

"I don't care, just do something!"

Gibbs let out a throaty chuckle. "You asked for it."

He moved further down Tony's body until he reached the erection tenting Tony's sweats. He
breathed in deeply and took in the musky scent that was purely Tony. His mouth watered, he
couldn't wait to taste the younger man. He gently pulled the sweats down eyeing Tony in
appreciation as his hard cock sprang free, precum leaking from the tip.

Gibbs looked up at Tony who had raised himself him up, resting his weight on his elbows and
was staring down at him. He gave a quick grin and swiped his tongue up the underside of
Tony's cock, his cock hardening further as he heard the load groan Tony let out. He took the
straining shaft into his mouth and sucked strongly, holding Tony down as he bucked wildly. He
continued the same motion alternating between moving his mouth up and down and swirling
his tongue across the head, his tongue swiping at the slit lapping up the precum that leaked
out.

Tony didn't even know what he was saying anymore, words were pouring out of his mouth
along with an assortment of other embarrassing noises. All he could focus on was Gibbs mouth
on his dick, the suction and movements with his tongue were driving him mad. Watching his
cock slide in and out of Gibbs' mouth was the hottest thing he had ever seen. Heat was
pooling in his groin and he knew he wasn't going to last much longer. He also knew that just
because Gibbs was sucking him off didn't mean that he wanted his load down his throat.

"Jethro," he warned "I'm gonna come."

Gibbs just sucked harder and moved his mouth further down Tony's cock. He felt Tony buck
up trying to thrust himself further into his mouth and then Tony groaned long and loud as his
orgasm overtook him. Gibbs swallowed as his mouth was filled with Tony's come. He kept his
mouth on Tony until he had extracted each last drop of come and then pulled away licking his
lips.

Tony was lying on his back with his arm flung over his face breathing heavily.

He muttered something incomprehensible as Gibbs moved back up his body, causing a smug
grin to appear on the older mans face.

"I'm glad so see you're coherent."

Tony couldn't even be bothered to glare at him but he did look down and realized that the
older man hadn't come yet. He looked into Gibbs eyes and was gratified to see that the older
man wasn't going to push Tony if he didn't want to reciprocate. He leant up and pressed a kiss
to Gibbs lips swallowing his groan as he slipped his hand under the older mans sweats to grab
his cock.

He moved his hand up and down the shaft, swiping his hand over the head using the precum
to smooth his hand's movement. He paid careful attention to the head swiping his thumb over
every time his hand reached the top of the shaft.

Gibbs was already close so it wasn't long until he was groaning hard into Tony's mouth as his
orgasm tore through him. His body jerked as Tony continued to stroke him until he had spent
every last drop of come from his cock.

Tony removed his hand from Gibbs sweats and brought it up to his mouth licking Gibbs come
off. He paused as Gibbs let out a groan his gaze questioning.

"What?"

"That has got to be the hottest thing I have ever seen in my life." he said causing Tony to
blush again and a shy smile to light up his face.

Gibbs gently pressed his lips to Tony's enjoying the way the younger man submitted so easily.
They kissed lazily for a few minutes until Tony pulled away.

"I think I can sleep now," he said cheekily.

Gibbs snorted and pulled the younger man close and pulling the duvet up over them. He still
hadn't gotten over incredibly lucky he was to have to younger man in his life and in his bed.
He was amazed at how well Tony had handled everything and it seemed Ducky had been right
again, the events that occurred after finding Cassie had really been a turning point for Tony.
He was constantly amazed at how well the two of them clicked and how they had slotted so
easily into each others lives. He knew that Tony trusted him implicitly and he was determined
not to abuse it.

"Stop thinking so loudly," Tony muttered his eyes still closed.

"Sorry," he whispered bringing his hand up to Tony's head. He ran his fingers through the
silky strands allowing the soothing motion to pull him to sleep.

Chapter 16

The weekend passed with many repeats of the previous night but all too soon Monday morning
rolled around.

"Let's call in sick. We'll say I have a cold and you have a stomach bug. No one will ever have
to know."

Gibbs laughed at Tony's concentrated expression as he thought about ways to perfect his plan.
"As much as I'd love to skive of work with you we can't."

"Why not?" Tony said exaggerating a pout.

Gibbs kissed the pouting lips. "Because I said so."

Tony grumbled and grabbed his bag. "Don't blame me if you get cranky at work, I was the one
who wanted to stay home."

Gibbs rolled his eyes, "Come on, let's go."

They each drove their respective cars to work, Tony taking a slightly longer route so that he
arrived later than Gibbs.

Gibbs was already in a meeting with the director by the time Tony arrived so he sat down at
his desk and checked his emails.

"Where is Gibbs?" Ziva asked putting her bag down and walking over to Tony's desk.

"He's in a meeting and you know what that means, Zeeevah"

"No, I don't, but I am sure you are going to envision me."

"Enlighten, not envision," Tony corrected "And yes, I am. It means that I am in charge until he
gets back. So you have to do exactly as I say."

Ziva snorted and walked back over to her desk. "I don't think so, Tony, really I should be the
one in charge."

"And why's that?" Tony asked "I am the senior field agent."

"Because I know at least one hundred ways to kill you with this paper clip." she said smirking.

"Ooooh, I'm so scared" Tony said leaning back in his chair.

"Why are you scared?" McGee asked as he walked around the corner.

"I wouldn't go near Ziva if I were you, Probie; apparently she knows one hundred ways to kill
a person with a paperclip."

McGee skittered around Ziva's desk looking decidedly nervous.

"I said I knew one hundred ways to kill you with a paper clip. I never said anything about
anyone else."

"Hah, hah" Tony said sarcastically.

They spent most of the morning that way with Tony trying to order McGee and Ziva around
while Gibbs was caught up in a myriad of meetings.

"Probie! Its lunch time, feed us."

McGee looked up from his computer to see Tony grinning at him. "I'm busy, go feed yourself."

Tony got up fully prepared to force McGee to feed him when his cell started ringing. He
grabbed it noticing the unfamiliar number on the screen and debated with himself whether or
not to answer. He really wanted to make McGee get lunch and since the caller wasn't Gibbs he
wouldn't get a head slap or worse but he decided to answer anyway.

"Hello?"

"Anthony, I'm pleased I managed to get hold of you so easily, you really haven't been alone
much recently so I couldn't drop by for a chat."

Tony felt his stomach churn at the sound of his Father's voice.

"Why do you need to get hold of me?"

"That is not something I am wiling to discuss over the phone but we have to meet."

Tony turned his back to Ziva and McGee and walked over to his desk lowering his voice. "You
cannot seriously believe that I would see you again," he asked indecorously.

"Ah, come on now, Anthony, you cannot possibly angry about our last encounter and its
revelations. After what I've seen recently I'm starting to get the idea that you actually enjoyed
your brief stint in Maui."

Tony felt the blood drain from his face and his heart speed up at his Father's words. "What
have you seen?"

"You don't honestly believe he loves you, do you? There's no way he's going to stay with you if
you don't start putting out and even then it's not love. It's never about love with you."

"Why are you phoning me?" Tony asked again desperately, oblivious to McGee and Ziva's
stares.

"I have to go now, Anthony, but I'll see you soon."

Tony stood there listening to the sound of his phone beeping, his mind racing. His Father had
obviously been watching him and knew that he and Gibbs were together and that scared him
shitless. He knew what his Father was capable of and he didn't know what he would do if
Gibbs got hurt trying to protect him.

"Tony, everything ok?" McGee asked concerned.

Tony turned around and saw McGee and Ziva staring.

"Yeah, uh, I'm just gonna go and get lunch," he said striding out of the Bullpen.

"Tony, wait!" Ziva yelled but he had already left.

She turned to McGee, "What just happened?"

"I have no idea. Gibbs is going to be pissed though."

Ziva looked confused "Why is that?"

McGee looked at her surprised, "Have you not noticed how Gibbs has been around Tony lately?
I mean he's always with him, when was the last time he sent you off with Tony?"

Ziva thought about it and realized McGee was right, she hadn't really noticed anything but
now that she thought about it Gibbs had been strange around Tony he had turned almost
possessive, protective even.

"You're right. They've been acting different recently, something is up. I have never seen Tony
react like that before, especially over a phone call. He looked like he was about to faint."

"Who looked like they were about to faint?"

Ziva and McGee turned around to see Gibbs leaning against his desk holding a cup of coffee.

"Ah, hey Boss, uh, well…."

"Spit it out, McGee."

"It's Tony," Ziva interrupted. "He got a phone call and just ran off."

"He didn't look to good, Boss. He was all pale and shaky."

"Shit" Gibbs swore vehemently, surprising both McGee and Ziva. "Do you have any idea where
he went?"

"He said he was getting lunch but I'm not sure where or if he actually is," McGee offered.

Gibbs pulled out his cell and dialed Tony's number but the younger man's phone didn't ring.

"Phone's off," Gibbs muttered. He had a pretty good idea of who had been on the other line of
Tony's phone call and he knew that whatever had gone down in the conversation could not
have had any positive effects on the younger man.

"Gibbs," Ziva said turning to him "What is going on? Tony's been acting different for a while
now and then there was the Jenkins case. Something has happened and I want to know
what."

Gibbs sighed. "Ziva, it's not my place to say. It's up to Tony whether he tells any of you."

Ziva nodded, "He's going to be ok, though? He's not sick or anything."

"He's not sick."

Gibbs knew that if Tony had turned his cell off he didn't want to be found and he also knew
that if he really didn't want to be found he wouldn't do anything that would enable him to be
traced.

"Boss?" McGee asked.

"He doesn't want us to find him, McGee. I'll go check his apartment just in case but I want you
two to go back to work."

With that Gibbs headed off to Tony's apartment. When he arrived it was clear that Tony hadn't
been there or if he had he left absolutely no trace that he'd been there. Gibbs tried to keep
himself calm; he had to trust that Tony would come to him. If he kept being the one who
pushed Tony to talk to him then the trust that was between them would never become a two
way thing. He had all sorts of ideas running through his mind about what Tony could be doing
but he had to trust Tony to come to him, and he knew that he couldn't find Tony if he didn't
want to be found.

He kept that in mind throughout the rest of the day, ignoring McGee and Ziva's looks as he
constantly checked Tony's cell. Eventually he let them go and headed back to his house
hoping that he would find Tony there but knowing that he wouldn't. He spent the evening
trying Tony's cell and trying to work on the boat to ease his mind but it wasn't working but as
the night moved forward he eventually fell into a fitful sleep underneath the boat.

He eventually awoke with a stiff neck and sour taste in his mouth. He groaned sitting up and
rubbing his neck. It was then that he noticed the still figure sitting on his stairs. Tony was
sitting there, his shoulders slumped and his eyes defeated.

"Tony?" Gibbs whispered trying not to startle the younger man.

"I tried to go to the clubs but I couldn't do it," Tony croaked out his voice cracking. "Then I
tried to leave but I couldn't do it. I had to come back."

Gibbs walked up the stairs pulling the brunette into a fierce embrace, holding him tightly as he
broke down in his arms.

"It's ok, just let it out. I'm not mad; I promise I am not angry at you."

"How can you not be? After everything I still couldn't handle it! I left; I almost picked someone
up at a goddamned club!" Tony yelled.

"But you didn't," Gibbs whispered softly. "You couldn't do it, you couldn't do what you
normally did and that's what matters."

Tony let the older man hold him as his sobs increased. He had gone to the club in a frenzied
panic looking for anything to fix him, to make it better but as soon as he got there all he could
think about was Gibbs. He'd realized that he was out looking for something that he already
had waiting for him but he had been so scared that Gibbs would have had enough, that he
would have snapped. But Tony couldn't just leave, he had to go back to him and right now he
was so incredibly glad that he had. He couldn't believe that Gibbs was still hear even after
hearing that he had tried to go to the clubs, tried to pick up a stranger. Even that hadn't been
enough to make him leave.

Gibbs held Tony close until his sobs subsided. "Better?"

Tony nodded, averting his gaze from Gibbs'. He didn't deserve another chance with this man
but he was too selfish to say no.

"Hey, look at me," Gibbs said firmly. When Tony did he could see the fear and shame shining
through and he knew he had to deal with it now. "You have done nothing wrong. I know you
had a phone call, I'm assuming it was from your Father?"

Tony nodded again.

"What did he say?"

Tony swiped his eyes wiping the few remaining tears that still stained his face. "You won't like
it," he warned.

"I don't care if I'll like it or not, Tony, I want to know."

Tony rested his head on Gibbs shoulder and took a deep breath allowing himself to calm down
further. "He knows about us. Said that he thought I probably enjoyed what happened in
Maui…"

"He said what!" Gibbs yelled causing Tony to flinch away. "Shit, Tony, I'm sorry," he said
lowering his voice. He pulled the younger man back to him and willed himself to let the anger
that had flared up abate from his mind.

"It's ok, I told you that wouldn't like it," Tony said softly.

"I know. What else, Tony?"

"Um, that you didn't love me and that you would ah leave if I…" Tony trailed off.

"If you didn't what, Tony?"

"Put out was how he phrased it," Tony said his tone embarrassed.

Gibbs breathed out deeply, he couldn't believe that Tony's Father had the audacity to try and
fuck up Tony's life again. He couldn't believe how fast the bastard had brought up all of Tony's
insecurities again but he'd underestimated Tony. Tony hadn't left and for that Gibbs was
eminently grateful. However he knew all Tony's insecurities were in full throttle again and he
had to put them to rest.

"You know that's not true right?"

Tony looked up at him, his eyes red rimmed and watery. "Yeah," he paused, "I do know,
Jethro. It's just hard hearing stuff like that, especially from him."

Gibbs squeezed Tony gently, "I couldn't care less if we never had sex Tony, I want you for you
not for sex."

Tony gave him a small smile, watery but there. He blinked hard causing the few unshed tears
in his eyes to spill over sliding over his face. He swiped them away furiously.

"Sorry, you must be sick of me crying all the time."

"You can cry all you want to Tony. I cannot even begin to tell you how proud I am for the way
you've handled everything."

The younger man let out a little sob. "Why'd he have to come and fuck everything up?"

"He's a bastard, Tony, and he doesn't deserve to even know you, let alone be related to you."

Tony just pressed his face further into Gibbs' shoulder.

Gibbs pressed a gentle kiss to Tony's head. "I love you and nothing he does or says can ever
change that."

Chapter 17

Tony tried his best to ignore the sun as it filtered in through the curtains and into the
bedroom, he really didn't want to have to get up. He most certainly did not want to go to
work. It would be a much better day if he got to stay at home with Gibbs than it would if he
had to go into work and answer the barrage of questions that he was bound to receive from
McGee and Ziva. He knew that their intentions were good, that they had apparently been
worried about him but he didn't want to have to tell them anything. He wished that he could
trust them like he trusted Gibbs, but letting the older man into his heart and telling him
everything had been the hardest thing that he had done and he wasn't sure he could do it
again. He couldn't risk them not understanding or treating him differently. They might say that
they wouldn't, that everything would be the same but he knew that wouldn't be true. They
wouldn't be able to help treating him differently and he knew he wouldn't be able to take the
pity that he would see in their eyes.

He turned around and watched Gibbs as he slept. The older man normally looked more
peaceful than he did now; sleep having done little to erase the stress lines that had so
recently appeared on his face. Tony felt guilt stab through him knowing that he had been the
one to put them there. He hated that he caused so much trouble for the Gibbs, that the older
man always had to witness when he broke down and deal with the consequences but deep
down inside him Tony knew that he was secretly glad to know that Gibbs was affected by what
had happened to him. It showed how much he actually cared.

He scrunched his face up and burrowed his head under Gibbs' arm, trying to block out any
source of light, if he was lucky he'd fall asleep and Gibbs would let him have the day off.

"That's not going to work."

Apparently he wasn't going to be lucky today.

"It will if you let me go back to sleep."

Gibbs snorted, sitting up pulling the blankets of Tony causing the younger man to yelp as the
cold air hit him and stare up at him in indignation.

"Then you'd be late."

"I don't care. I'm not going in." Tony muttered. He knew he was going to piss off Gibbs but
right now he didn't care. He couldn't deal with everyone staring at him and he definitely could
not put up his frat boy persona. Not after yesterday. He had almost screwed everything up, he
couldn't blame his Father for that; he had been the catalyst but it had been Tony who ran.
Gibbs had told him that what mattered was that he didn't do it, didn't resort back to his
normal coping mechanisms but it didn't feel that way to Tony. He still felt like he had betrayed
Gibbs trust and fractured what they had.

Gibbs watched the play of emotions on Tony's face; he saw the guilt, the pain and the fear. He
knew that reassuring Tony last night wouldn't be enough to rectify what his Father had said to
him, he had a lot more work to do to fix the damage that had been caused yesterday.

"Hey," Gibbs said sternly "stop that. I said this yesterday and I'll say it again; you have done
nothing wrong."

"But I have and we both know it. I should have gone straight to you but I couldn't."

"But you did. I am not expecting you to come to me if you don't want to. If you want to be by
yourself to think things through that's fine. I just want you to feel like you can come straight
to me when you want to and you proved you could yesterday. You didn't revert back to your
old coping mechanisms and you didn't run away. You left, took some time to think and came
back."

Tony raised an eyebrow at Gibbs. "I left to a club, where I took some time to think about
whether or not I was going to pick up a stranger. How is that a good thing in any way?"

"I don't care that you went to the club, Tony. I don't care that you thought about doing it, if
you had done it then it might be a different story but you didn't. You came to me."

Tony sighed looking into Gibbs eyes, "I really don't understand this, you and me."

Gibbs looked right back into the green eyes, "There's nothing to understand. I love you and
you love me. That's what matters and it will take you a while to understand what that means
but you will eventually."

"If you say so." Tony said uncertainly.

"I thought we had already covered that what I say is right?"

Tony laughed at that. Trust Gibbs to find a way to put all his insecurities and worries at ease.
This was why he never regretted for a moment telling the older man anything; because no
matter how hard it got or how badly he felt he screwed up Gibbs always found a way to make
him feel better about everything, about himself.

Gibbs watched as Tony relaxed, some of the tension that had been building up in his body
ebbing away. He knew the younger man was having issues about going to work and having to
face McGee and Ziva but there was no way that he was going to leave him at home knowing
that Tony's Father was out there watching Tony. It was going to be hard work convincing Tony
that it wasn't just himself that cared about him but that the other members of the team did as
well. He wasn't sure that Tony would ever be ready to tell them about Maui and his Father's
involvement but they would have to know some details about Tony's father, he wasn't taking
any risks.

"You still have to come into work," Gibbs said softly.

"I know."

Tony did know deep down that Gibbs wasn't going to let him stay off work by himself, not
after finding out that his Father had been watching him and although facing McGee and Ziva
would be bad, it wouldn't be any where as bad as sitting at home by himself wondering if his
Father was just across the road or on the other side of town.

"What am I supposed to tell Ziva and McGee?"

"And Ducky and Abby." Gibbs stated "They are just as worried about you as Ziva and McGee,
and you should tell them as much of the truth as you feel comfortable with."

Tony had been nervous at the thought of trying to tell Ziva and McGee even half of what had
been going on recently, he was positively terrified at the thought of adding Ducky and Abby to
the mix.

"I'm not sure I'm comfortable with any of it." Tony said sadly. "I wish I was, Boss, and I know
I should trust them but I'm not sure I can."

"Just telling them that your Father is in town and is causing trouble would be enough, Tony.
They'll know you're not telling them everything and they'll know what you're not telling them
is bad but they are still going to want to help you. I can't risk loosing you to that bastard and I
want every resource we have used to make sure that doesn't happen. So if you can't do it for
yourself then do it for me."

Tony nodded, he was afraid to speak; Gibbs' words had affected him more than he wanted to
let on and he'd had enough of crying. It never ceased to amaze him when Gibbs' protective
side was raised on him behalf and right now it was going full throttle.

"Come on. You go have a shower and I'll make breakfast, alright?"

"Kay," Tony said softly, tilting his head up.

Gibbs pushed his lips to Tony's determined to show the younger man just how much he loved
him. He slowly and gently explored Tony's mouth, taking total control swallowing the younger
man’s sigh of pleasure as he gently caressed the pliant tongue with his own. When he was
positive that the message had got through he pulled away, pleased by the younger mans
dazed expression. All traces of worry and uncertainty were gone, and although Gibbs knew
they'd be back before long it was enough to banish them for now.

"Go on. Shower." Gibbs said quickly sneaking one last kiss before pulling Tony up of the bed
and toward the bathroom.

Tony's mind was too blank to even think of a response so he just walked down to the
bathroom tracing his bottom lip with his tongue as he did so. He had no idea how Gibbs could
kiss him that intensely without making seem even remotely sexual but the older man had
done it.

He turned the shower on hot and hopped in, groaning as the water helped to ease the
remaining tension in his muscles. He stayed there just focusing on the feeling of the water
running down his back for what seemed like hours until the water began to cool. He knew he
should feel bad for using up Gibbs' hot water but the hot shower along with Gibbs mind
blowing kiss and served to make him so relaxed that he couldn't bring himself to care.

He walked into the kitchen, his eyes lighting up when he saw what Gibbs made for breakfast.

"Waffles!" Tony said happily grabbing a plate and the maple syrup.

Gibbs watched in fond amusement as the younger man then proceeded to drown his breakfast
in maple syrup.

"You can always just have syrup for breakfast, Tony."

"Hah, hah," Tony said with his mouth full.

Gibbs sat down at the table with his own plate and then deliberately placed a small amount of
syrup on just one of his waffles.

"That is disgusting," Tony sad outraged "you can't eat waffles like that."

Gibbs chuckled and began eating his breakfast steadily ignoring the sinful way that Tony licked
the maple syrup that stuck to his fork and concentrating on his meal. Tony may have been
acting fine now but the last thing he needed was to see him sporting a hard on and feeling like
he had to take care of it.

When they had both finished Gibbs grabbed their plates, leaving Tony to wipe down the table
as he did the dishes. It was the domestic aspect of their relationship that Gibbs loved the
most, how they could come home together, to either his house or Tony's apartment, and
settle so easily into a routine, like they had been doing for years instead of months.

He dried the plates and put them back in the cupboard before turning around to Tony who was
leaning against the table.

"Ready to go?"

"Nope," Tony said quietly "but I'm coming anyway."

Gibbs walked over and squeezed the back of the younger man's neck, "It won't be as bad as
you think, I promise."

"I know but that doesn't stop me worrying."

"I'm not going to make you tell them alone or even all at once," Gibbs said firmly.

Tony looked at him gratefully, "Thank you" he said softly.

Tony paused as they walked out onto the driveway. "I don't know if I'm going to be able to act
normal today, Jethro, I want to but I think it's going to be too hard.

"Don't behave how you normally behave, then. For today just be you."

Chapter 18

Tony spent most of the drive into work contemplating what Gibbs had told him. Gibbs had
always known that he played the clown at work, that he exaggerated everything he did and
that he had the frat boy act down to perfection. Everyone else assumed that he was always
full on and that he was as shallow as he seemed. Most people didn't bother to look below the
surface. NCIS had been different than everywhere else, Gibbs had known straight away that
he put on an act at work and Abby had caught on pretty fast, although she still wasn't sure
how much was an act and how much was real. Ziva and McGee had taken longer to catch on
but they were starting to now, he could see the looks they sometimes gave him when he
played it up too much, when he was too exuberant and too fake.

His act was perfectly intertwined with so many aspects of his personality that it was hard even
for him to distinguish how much wasn't real, and it had become such an integral part of his life
that he wasn't sure if he could let it go. He wasn't sure how his team would react if he just
stopped acting, stopped the game. Everyone had apparently been concerned how he had been
acting throughout the past two months; he had been jumping from his exaggerated and hyped
up self to being quiet and uninvolved. He couldn't get it right but he didn't trust them enough
to let them know the real him, everything about him and his past. He wanted to be able to go
back to his act, it was safe and no questions were asked but right now he didn't have the
energy to pretend to be someone else.

He parked his car and headed up to the bullpen, enjoying the brief moments remaining where
he was alone. The past two months had been an emotional roller coaster, he had all the
emotions that came with finally being in a relationship with Gibbs, the love and happiness but
then he also had the emotions that came with learning about his Father's involvement in Maui,
the fear and anger. All these emotions were constantly whirling around inside of him and he
wasn't sure that he could handle any more; he hadn't exactly dealt well with everything so far
if his two major meltdowns were anything to go by. Gibbs seemed to think that having the
team know, even vaguely, about his Father would help and if Tony had learnt anything in
these past two months it was that Gibbs was right. Gibbs seemed to know straight away how
to handle him, whether he was happy, turned on or smashing his arm into a mirror. If Gibbs
believed that having the others know would help him then he was going to try his best to
believe it to, regardless of how scared he was.

He walked into the bullpen; pleased when he saw only Gibbs was there at the moment. He still
wasn't entirely sure what he was supposed to do when Ziva and McGee arrived, it had become
easier to pretend to be someone else than it was to be himself. Being Tony DiNozzo, the
carefree womanizer was so much easier than being Tony DiNozzo, the guy who got raped as a
child who kept having breakdowns in his Boss's arms. Sometimes he was so good at his act
that he almost believed that it had all happened to someone else, that he really was just the
shallow person everyone thought he was.

Gibbs looked up as Tony headed towards his desk. It was clear that the younger man was
anxious about what was going to happen, how he was supposed to act and what he was
supposed to say. His comment about being himself had thrown Tony, he knew that Tony had
been having issues with how to act at work and he could see he wanted to be himself but
couldn't quite trust the team enough to do that. Tony even sometimes slipped into his act at
home around him without even realizing it. Recently at work he had either been way over the
top, his act exaggerated more so than usual or withdrawn and quiet. The times where he had
truly been himself were rare and he knew that Tony tried to avoid letting it happen but Gibbs
couldn't sit by and let him keep pretending all the time. Eventually it would get too hard for
Tony and he'd snap or he'd loose himself in his act.

He knew Tony was worried about what the team would think if he was just himself, if he let
them get a glimpse and the fractured man inside but he shouldn't be. Tony was unaware of
just how much everyone was onto him; they all knew that he was hiding something and that

he put on an act. They wouldn't be angry or hurt if he started being himself, and they
definitely wouldn't judge him. If anything they would be happy that he had finally let them in.
It was just going to take a while until Tony truly believed it.

It wasn't long until Ziva arrived, chucking her bag under her desk with a cursory glance at
Tony.

"Good morning, Gibbs. Tony."

"Morning," Gibbs said not lifting his eyes from the file he was reading.

Tony wanted to get up and walk over, greet her with an exaggerated grin and a leer and then
come up with some elaborate story as to why he left yesterday but he knew that he shouldn't
try and play a part today. Today he should try and be himself regardless of how hard it was.

"Morning, Ziva" he said with a smile, a proper one not some fake plastered on grin.

Ziva paused as she looked at Tony. She wanted to ask what had happened yesterday, whether
or not he was ok but she knew it would be better to wait for Tony to trust her enough to tell
her than it was to try and push so she decided to let it go.

"We have a case?"

"Nope. We can still hope though," he said as he flicked through his emails.

Ziva chuckled. "Yes, I have done enough paperwork these past weeks to last me a life time."

"Tell me about it," McGee muttered as he walked around the corner heading to his desk.

"Why would I tell you about it? You have been here," Ziva said confused causing Tony to
snicker.

"It's an expression, Ziva" Tony said fondly. He really did enjoy Ziva's English mistakes, even if
they had no case the day could still be made interesting by observing and correcting the
numerous mistakes she made.

McGee laughed as well at Ziva's question while sneaking a look at Tony. He was getting more
concerned about the Senior Field Agent but today he looked different, he seemed calmer.
Although Tony had been acting better recently he still had seemed a little off. He was always
confused by Tony, especially recently. It had taken him longer than he would like to admit to
realize that Tony played up his frat boy persona and that there was a lot more to him than
meets the eye. Tony was always unpredictable and recently his moods had been swinging
around and he had no idea how much was Tony, how much was an act and how much was
due to whatever was going on in Tony's life at the moment.

Tony was grateful that both McGee and Ziva had refrained from asking about yesterday. If he
was going to talk to them about any of it he wanted to be the one to approach them.

Gibbs watched his team's interactions, pleased at how McGee and Ziva both didn't refer to
Tony's absence yesterday but most of all he was pleased about how Tony was acting like
himself. He still made a few Probie cracks at McGee and teased Ziva about her English but he
wasn't exaggerating everything, and he hadn't tried to pass of yesterday with some false
story. By not doing that Tony was letting McGee and Ziva know that something had happened
but he would tell them when he was ready.

He internally groaned as his phone started ringing. His team may hope for a case but he rarely
did, he always ended up with a mountain load of paperwork especially with how his team went
around solving cases. He picked it up and listened to the voice on the other line, apparently
luck was on his team's side today.

"Gear up, we've got a case," he said ignoring the way each member of his team looked
thankful.

The case turned out to be an open and shut homicide. The officers on the scene hadn't
properly searched the house and it turned out that their killer was still in there, found by Ziva
as she searched the bedroom and still holding the murder weapon.

"This hardly counts as a case," Ziva grumbled as she walked back to the van with Tony,
roughly pushing the killer in front of her before shoving him in the back.

Tony chuckled "Ziva, someone was murdered. I think that classifies as a case."

"How? The murderer was still in the house. Holding the weapon! A two year old could have
solved it."

Tony laughed moving into the middle seat as Ziva climbed in next to him. Tony could see
Gibbs yelling something at Ducky over his shoulder as he walked towards them and as he was
watching him his phone started ringing.

Tony pulled it out of his pocket, his gut clenching as he recognized the number from
yesterday.

Ziva watched as Tony tensed up and refused to answer it, instead flipping his phone open and
shut effectively ending the call.

"I can always shoot them if you would like" she said staring ahead.

Tony allowed a small smile to drift onto his face. He wasn't going to brush off the phone call,
he knew she knew that something was up and he owed it to her not to lie. "That's aright, Ziva,
I'll pass."

"Pass on what?" Gibbs asked as he sat into the driver's seat starting up the van.

"I was offering Tony my assistance in dealing with Tony's mysterious caller," Ziva said.

Tony chuckled lightly. "She offered to shoot him, Boss."

"I like it. Short but effective." Gibbs said shooting a sideways glance at both Tony and Ziva.
"He phone again?"

"Yeah" Tony sighed. "I didn't answer."

"Good."

Tony had been surprised by Ziva's offer but also inordinately pleased. It never failed to
surprise him when Gibbs showed he cared, even though he knew that the older man loved him
but he was even more surprised when his team members showed that they cared. He found it
hard to believe they did even though they all knew that he didn't trust them enough to let
them in but he decided that he was going to change that. Letting Gibbs in had been worth it,

and if how Ziva and McGee had been acting today was anything to go by maybe their reaction
to everything wouldn't be as bad as he had expected.

"And I don't think shooting him is going to work, Ziva. I'd probably get asked a lot of
unwanted questions if my Father was shot by someone I knew."

Ziva was pleased that her Mossad training allowed her to hide her feelings well; she kept her
face impassive as she heard who Tony's caller had been. Her relationship with her own Father
wasn't great but she wouldn't react how Tony did yesterday at a phone call from him. Right
now she could think of dozens of reasons why he did, and all of them made her throw her idea
of shooting him out the window and think of something much more painful.

"I wouldn't get caught. Although if shooting isn't your preferred method then I can always
come up with something better, knives maybe? I can make it painful and quick as well as not
getting caught."

Tony tried not to let the relief he felt show on his face, he didn't want her to know how much
he had doubted her, although he suspected she already knew. He didn't respond for a while as
he took in what she had said. He was amazed that she hadn't asked any questions just
accepted what he had told her. If telling Ziva that a phone call from his Father was enough to
cause him to freak and leave work was this easy, then maybe telling the team about Maui
wasn't entirely out of the question.

"Tell you what, he phones again and you can threaten him with that. Sound alright?" he asked
looking at her.

She smiled at him, pleased that he had talked to her and wasn't trying to brush it off and hide
with some joke.

"It would be my pleasure."

Tony glanced up into the mirror and saw Gibbs looking at him with a slight smile on his face.
Tony watched as Gibbs mouthed "told you" at him and barely managed to suppress a grin.
This day was turning out much better than he expected.

Chapter 19

Tony sat at his desk attempting to play a computer game without Gibbs noticing, just because
they were dating didn't mean that Gibbs gave him any leeway and he would still give him a
slap to the back of the head if he caught him. Once they had arrived back at NCIS there was
little left for them to do. They had processed their killer, Carlos Banner, and then wrote up
their reports. Right now there was still a couple of hours left at the office, Ziva was using it to
sort through her desk while McGee was down in Abby's lab helping her with some simulation
thingy and Gibbs was reading over some files at his desk.

Tony used the time to contemplate over Ziva's reaction to finding out it was his Father who
had caused his intense reaction yesterday. He was surprised that she hadn't asked questions
or looked surprised and deep down he was even surprised that she hadn't thought him weak.
Then again she had been trained by Mossad and had seen a lot in her lifetime, so she probably
wasn't that surprised. He was glad that he had told her, even though it was only a minute
portion of what had really happened lately. It would be much easier to continue to try and be
himself without putting up an act if he didn't have so many secrets from the team, but he
hoped that that would soon change.

As he sat there subtly playing his computer game his phone began to ring again, wincing he
pulled it out of his pocket glancing at the screen. Tony couldn't stop the involuntary shiver of
fear that ran through him when he saw that it was the same number as earlier. He glanced up
and saw both Ziva and Gibbs looking at him.

"Is it him?" Gibbs asked.

Tony nodded; noting the flash of anger that briefly showed through Gibbs' eyes before is was
pushed away.

"Give it here."

Tony hesitated, he wasn't sure he wanted Gibbs to hear what his Father had to say about him.
An irrational part of him still harbored some fear that his Father could convince Gibbs that he
was worthless and their was no point in wasting any time with him even though he knew now
that Gibbs wouldn't listen. He pushed away those unwelcome thoughts and threw the phone
over to Gibbs.

Gibbs caught it and glanced at the numbers on the screen quickly jotting them down for later.

He flipped open the cell and waited for a response.

"Anthony, when I said we were going to meet it wasn't a request. You will meet with me or I
will make your life a living hell."

Gibbs felt his gut twist at the cold, emotionless voice on the other line. He hated to think that
Tony had grown up with this monster. Even though Tony hadn't known his Father had been
involved in what happened in Maui, he had still had to live with a man who made it no secret
that he thought he didn't deserve to be loved and was worthless.

"You've already succeeded in that once. It sure as hell ain’t gonna happen again."

Tony's Father chuckled. "Ah, you must be Gibbs. You seem to be spending a lot of time with
my son recently though I can't understand why."

"It's none of your business," Gibbs growled. He hated being reminded of the fact that this
slimy bastard had been watching him and Tony.

"Ah, but it is, Agent Gibbs. It seems that my son has inadvertently become quite valuable to
me again."

Gibbs shivered as he thought of all the possible things that Tony's Father could want Tony for.
There was no way that he was going to loose Tony, not after everything they'd been through.
He didn't care if he had to take Ziva up on her offer to kill the man, he'd do whatever it took
to keep Tony safe.

Tony watched as Gibbs face grew stony and anger rose in the blue eyes. He had no idea what
his Father was saying but it definitely wasn't good.

"You stay the hell away from him," Gibbs half yelled into the phone. "There is no way in hell
that you are setting foot near him."

Tony's Father laughed coldly, "I'd like to see you stop me."

Gibbs didn't have time to formulate a response before the line went dead. His mind was
racing, from the sounds of it Tony's Father was definitely going to try and make contact with
Tony and Gibbs knew that whatever reasons he had they weren't good ones.

"Boss?" Tony's voice called out.

Gibbs looked up at the younger man. He knew that he had to do everything in his power to
keep him safe.

"You do not go anywhere without one of us, you got it? You are not to be alone." Gibbs said
quietly, his eyes boring into Tony's.

Tony could tell Gibbs was deadly serious which scared the shit out of him. If Gibbs didn't want
him to be alone at all then it meant that his Father really was trying to meet him and if the
look in Gibbs' eyes was anything to go by it wasn't for anything good. He had no idea why his
Father would want to meet again, last time he thought it had just been for spite to tell him
about his involvement in Maui, to hurt him but maybe he'd had another motive. Tony felt fear
spike through him at the thought of what his father wanted him for, he already knew what his
Father was capable of doing with him and he didn't think he could survive it if anything like
that happened again.

"Ok," he replied shakily, swallowing down the feeling of nausea that was rising within him.

Gibbs could see Tony was shaken and he wanted to comfort him but right now wasn't the time
to do so, and he was struggling to contain the anger and fear he was feeling.

"I'm going down to the gym," Gibbs stated looking at Tony. He stared hoping to convey that
he wasn't leaving, that he just needed to get out his anger before it burst out again. He was
pleased when Tony gave him a slight nod indicating that he understood.

Gibbs got up and strode up, brushing past McGee who was returning from Abby's lab.

"What's up with Gibbs?" McGee asked sitting down at his desk "he looked pissed."

Ziva didn't answer. Tony may have told her that it was his Father who had phoned him but
that didn't mean he wanted to tell anyone else. It was obvious that Gibbs knew everything
and she was grateful for that. One thing she had noticed very early on at NCIS was that Tony
didn't take very good care of himself, be it injuries or eating right and she was glad that Gibbs
was there for him now. She wasn't too sure about the relationship between Tony and Gibbs,
she had used to think it was a Father Son thing but now she wasn't so sure. Tony still clearly
looked up to Gibbs and Gibbs was definitely fond of Tony but there was nothing familial about
it. She couldn't place her finger on what had changed but something had, recently they had
been acting differently and she wasn't sure if it was just because of what was going on with
Tony's Father or if it was something else as well.

Tony hesitated in answering. He knew he had to tell McGee some of what was going on but he
wasn't sure the younger agent would be able to understand it as well as Ziva had. McGee had
grown up with a loving and caring family; his home life had been everything Tony wanted his
to have been. He wasn't sure McGee would be able to comprehend being that afraid of your
own Father and he didn't think he would be able to treat him the same. Ziva had enough
experience with the cruelties of the world to be able to act as if nothing had changed but
McGee didn't and he didn't want to have to deal with him treating like he was another victim.
He still harbored that slight fear that McGee would think he was pathetic, not being able to
stand up to his Father but Gibbs had managed to convince him for the most part that his fear
was unfounded and so he shoved any remaining doubts to the back of his mind.

He got up and grabbed McGee's shoulder.

"Come on, let's get coffee."

McGee looked a little uncertain as he was dragged away from the bullpen, chancing a glance
at Ziva who was studiously watching her computer screen.

"Um, ok. No one’s died have they?"

A smile drifted onto Tony's face as they walked. "No, no one died."

McGee looked at Tony. He had a feeling that this was going to have something to do with
yesterday's phone call and how Tony had been acting recently. He had noticed that today
Tony hadn't been acting like he normally did but he also wasn't acting withdrawn like he had
been recently as well. He had seen glimpses of Tony when he was like this but it was often
masked by an obnoxious joke, an attempt to stop people looking too deep. He was hoping that
Tony had realized that he didn't need to act around them, they were his friends. They may all
be used to the loud jock act that Tony put on and they knew that act better than the real Tony
but they all knew that Tony had a lot more going for him than he realized and they wanted
him to trust them enough to be himself.

"I'm taking a guess here Tony but has this got anything to do with yesterday?"

"Yeah," Tony said softly, "it does."

They walked into the break room and McGee sat down on one of the hard chairs while Tony
made some coffee.

He really didn't actually want coffee Tony thought to himself as he made it. He just needed a
chance to figure out what he was going to say to McGee. He wasn't going to tell him anymore
than what he had told Ziva but he didn't think McGee would be able to resist asking questions
like Ziva had and he wasn't sure he could handle that. He was aware that Ziva had probably
jumped to the wrong conclusions when he told her it was his Father phoning and causing

problems, Gibbs had even thought that at first, they all thought that his Father had abused
him as a child. In a way he had but not in the traditional sense of the word.

"Tony, what's going on?" McGee asked slowly

Tony turned and sat down in front of McGee handing him a mug of coffee. "I don't even know
where to start Tim."

The fact that Tony had used his first name showed him that whatever this was it was serious.
Tony hardly ever called him Tim and when he did it usually wasn't under good circumstances.
He would never admit it but he had gotten used to the names Tony had called him and he
knew if Tony was calling him Probie then nothing was seriously wrong.

"How about from the beginning?"

Tony winced, "I don't think I can do that right now, sorry."

"It's ok. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I'm not going to get angry at you or
anything like that."

It was that statement that gave Tony the push he needed to tell McGee what he had told Ziva.

"The phone call yesterday was from my Father." He blurted out.

McGee couldn't keep the surprise of his face. Tony's reaction yesterday had indicated that
whoever was on the phone held some pretty bad memories for Tony but he had never
expected it would be his Father.

Tony continued before he lost the nerve to say anymore. "And he phoned twice today, Gibbs
spoke to him the second time which is why he's so pissed."

McGee knew that Tony's relationship with his Father was strained but he had no idea it was
this bad. Right now he could only see one reason why Tony would react that way to a phone
call from his Father.

"Can I ask you something?"

Tony nodded, "I think I know what it is you want to know and the answers no. He didn't beat
me or anything like that. Whatever else you're thinking he did is probably wrong too."

Now McGee was just confused, Tony was right he had been thinking along those lines but now
he had no idea what to think.

"Well then what..."

"I can’t tell you now, Tim" Tony said grimacing. "I want to but I just can't do it."

McGee could see that just telling him this much had been incredibly hard for Tony and he
didn't want to push him for more no matter how curious he was. He had always found cases
where family members were the culprits the hardest to understand. He couldn't even imagine
wanting to hurt any one in his family and he couldn't see them wanting to hurt him. Although
he couldn't comprehend it he knew families weren't all like his and he had seen how bad they
could be. From what he had seen recently Tony's Father must have hurt him pretty badly to
have cause the reaction yesterday and the erratic behavior over the past few months.

"Ok."

Tony looked up at him surprised. "That's it? Ok?"

"What am I supposed to be doing?"

Tony looked sheepish, "Well, I thought you'd be a bit more persistent with questions for one."

McGee was a little hurt that Tony thought that he would push at him to talk about something
he clearly wasn't comfortable with but then again he knew the older man harbored a lot of
insecurities; he just wasn't sure how deep they ran.

"I'm not going to push, Tony. When you want to talk to me you can."

Tony looked immensely grateful and then opened his mouth hesitating slightly. "And, um,
you're not going to look at me like I'm going to break or anything like that are you?"

"I don't know enough to do that, Tony. And I can’t guarantee that I wont treat you differently
if I do find out but I'll try my best not to."

"Thank you, Tim, that means a lot."

So far everything that Tony had thought was going to happen when he told them about his
Father hadn't. He had expected probing questions, asking why he was obviously so terrified of
his Father, why he ran off yesterday, why he had been acting oddly recently but none of them
had done so. Ziva had simply taken it in her stride and shown her support for him. Tim was
obviously surprised that his relationship with his father was that bad but he hadn't pushed him
for answers. He had accepted that Tony would tell him when he was ready.

He was starting to feel like maybe Gibbs really was right about the team that maybe he could
tell them everything and they wouldn't think he was weak or pathetic, that they wouldn't
judge him. For the first time he really let himself think about what it would be like to not have
that secret looming over him and to not have to pretend anymore and he wanted that. He
knew it would be hard to get there but he knew Gibbs would be with him every step of the
way, and right now he felt that it would be worth it.

Chapter 20

Gibbs had ordered Chinese and was sitting on the couch drinking his beer waiting for Tony to
arrive. He winced as he moved further back into the couch, he had used his time at the gym
as a means to rid himself of the anger he had felt at Tony's Father's words. He had hit the
punching bag with all the strength he could muster all while pretending it was the older
DiNozzo. Right now he was feeling the results of his workout, his muscles ached and he
wanted nothing more than to stay in the shower for hours.

He looked up as he heard he front door open and smiled as Tony walked in.

"Hey," he said softly, standing up.

"Hey."

He walked over to the younger man and wrapped his arms around him and proceeded to kiss
him soundly. He waited until he felt some of the tension leave the younger man's body before
pulling away.

"Been wanting to do that all day."

"Mmmm, me too," Tony said resting his forehead against Gibbs and staring into those piercing
blue eyes. "You ok?"

"I should be asking you that," Gibbs said pulling Tony over to the couch, groaning as he sat
down.

Tony looked across at him as he heard the groan. He knew that Gibbs had gone down to the
gym and he knew that he would have pushed himself to the limit to work out his anger. From
the sounds of it he might have pushed himself a bit far. He hadn't had a chance to see Gibbs
until work had finished and he also didn't get a chance to speak to Abby or Ducky before they
left the office but he made had made up his mind to speak to them tomorrow. After how it had
gone with McGee and Ziva he was determined to tell them. He felt like a huge weight had
been lifted from his chest and although he knew his Father was out to get him he was starting
to realize he had the team backing him.

"I'm not the one sounding like I've been hit by a car," he said.

Gibbs glared at Tony who looked unperturbed. He was about to retort when the doorbell rang,
he went to get up but was held back by Tony.

"I'll get it; I don't think you should move. For the next week."

Gibbs rolled his eyes exasperated hiding a smile at Tony's smirk. He loved it when the younger
man felt comfortable enough to tease him without fear of being reprimanded. He'd had to
remind Tony several times over the course of their relationship that although he was his Boss,
at home they were equals.

Tony walked back into the room carrying the take out and sitting back down next to Gibbs.

"Here you go," he said handing Gibbs' over, "yum, I'm starving."

"If you ate properly you wouldn't be hungry all the time," Gibbs commented as he tucked into
his dinner.

"I eat fine," Tony said indignantly trying unsuccessfully to use his chopsticks.

Gibbs watched amused as Tony grinned finally grabbing a piece and then promptly dropped it
on his shirt. "No, you don't, you snack on crap but you forget to eat meals."

Tony picked off the offending item dropping into his mouth, "Only sometimes." He tried again
with the chopsticks but they wouldn't cooperate. "That's it I'm getting a fork."

Gibbs grabbed his arm stopping him. "No, look I'll show you." He placed his hand over Tony's,
"you're holding it wrong," he said maneuvering Tony's hand into the correct position.

Tony allowed Gibbs calloused hand to direct him allowing him to successfully pick up a piece of
chicken and drop it in his mouth. Tony swallowed, shivering slightly at Gibbs' close proximity,
"Thanks," he said huskily.

Gibbs mouth quirked up into a crooked smile as he returned his attentions to his own meal.
They ate in a companionable silence with Gibbs occasionally helping Tony with his meal.

Once they had finished they settled back down on the couch, Tony lying down resting his head
in Gibbs' lap. He let out a little sigh of pleasure as Gibbs started running his fingers through
his hair causing Gibbs to chuckle.

"You're such a hedonist," he said amused as Tony moved his head further into his hand.

"Nothing wrong with that," Tony said contently.

Gibbs continued to run his fingers through the thick hair, loving how the strands felt as they
fell through his fingers. He loved Tony like this, when he was relaxed and content, not
worrying about anything other than the feel of his hands.

Gibbs shifted slightly, as much as he wanted to be able to control his body's reaction to Tony
he couldn't and right now having Tony's head so close to his groin was causing some
problems.

"You ah might want to sit up," he said his voice dropping lower.

Tony opened his eyes and looked into Gibbs' his gaze questioning. Gibbs shifted again and
Tony's eyes widened as he realized why Gibbs wanted him to move but then a sly smile slid
onto his face.

"Now why would I want to do that?'" Tony asked turning his face slightly and nuzzling Gibbs
groin.

Gibbs groaned as Tony pushed against his hardening cock. He didn't want to push Tony into
anything but right now the younger man didn't seem to be bothered. He watched as Tony
gracefully slid of the couch and dropped to his knees in front of him.

Tony could never stop the rush of pride that flared up inside of him whenever Gibbs was
turned on because of him. Right now the older man was staring down at him, his arms by his
side and his eyes black with desire and Tony loved that he had been the one to put that look
there.

He slowly unzipped Gibbs' pants and pulled them and his underwear down and under his hips
until they pooled at the older mans feet. He watched in fascination as Gibbs' cock sprang back
lightly hitting his taut stomach, precum already leaking from the tip.

Tony leaned forward and grasped the leaking cock firmly in one hand pulling it away from
Gibbs stomach and leaned forward, gently swiping his tongue across the head mentally
grinning as he heard Gibbs' sharp intake of breath. He took Gibbs' cock into his mouth
groaning as he did so, he couldn't believe how turned on he was from this.

As he sucked hard he lowered his hand down unzipping his pants and pulling himself free and
started stroking. He felt Gibbs lower one hand into his hair, not pushing, just resting there. He
moved his mouth lower down Gibbs' cock, taking in as much as he could, pushing the
underside of the shaft hard with his tongue. He could feel Gibbs tense his hands in his hair and
his thighs tense as he grew closer to impending orgasm. He sucked harder and moved up and
down Gibbs' cock with increasing frequency and he could feel exactly when the older man
finally slipped over the edge. He looked up to see Gibbs head fall back and let out a low moan
as he tensed spilling himself into Tony's mouth. Tony pumped his hand harder up and down
his own shaft as he swallowed everything Gibbs gave him. Kept his mouth fastened on Gibbs'
cock he pumped his hand a few more times before he came, his come spurting onto his hand.

Tony pulled back from Gibbs and looked up pleased to see that the older man was panting and
slightly flushed. He took the hand Gibbs offered him and let himself be pulled onto the couch
and into an intense kiss.

Gibbs pulled back slightly looking into the relaxed green eyes of his lover. He pulled Tony's
still cum covered hand to his mouth and lapped away at what remained watching as Tony
shivered.

"Stop that, or we'll have to start again," Tony warned, his eyes not leaving Gibbs mouth.

"I've got no problem with that," Gibbs said covering Tony's mouth with his own again. He took
his time mapping out the younger man's mouth with his tongue enjoying the whimpers that
Tony tried to prevent from escaping.

Tony let himself melt into the kiss loving the way Gibbs took control leaving him to just feel.
He couldn't stop himself from moaning as Gibbs pulled away and tried to follow but Gibbs'
hand on his chest prevented him.

Gibbs smiled at Tony's movement but continued to pull away.

"Jethro," Tony said petulantly, "I didn't want to stop."

He chuckled, "I know but it's getting late and I know today was harder than you've let on. You
need sleep."

"No, I need more kissing."

Gibbs just looked at him, raising an eyebrow, "Tony."

"Fine" Tony said grumbling as he sat up, "bedtime it is."

"How are you feeling? Really?"

Tony tensed a little but then relaxed. "I won't lie and say today wasn't hard but it was
definitely easier than I thought. With both of them."

"McGee went alright?"

Tony nodded, "Yeah, he asked a few questions but he didn't push."

"Did you get a chance to talk to Abby or Ducky?"

"No, but I'll talk to them tomorrow."

Gibbs looked at Tony before nodding. He couldn't see much hesitation in the younger man. He
knew Tony had been pleasantly surprised at how Ziva had reacted and now he knew that
McGee had reacted similarly so Tony was obviously getting the message that the team cared.

"Jethro," Tony paused "What did my Father say today?"

Gibbs tensed, he didn't want to have to worry Tony but he knew not telling him would be
worse.

"He said that you had to meet him and that I wouldn't be able to stop him."

Tony clenched his fist tightly; he didn't think his Father would be this persistent or stupid
enough to argue with Gibbs but apparently he was.

"He won't hurt me, Jethro; I know you won't let him."

Gibbs found it hard to believe that Tony trusted him that much and had that much faith in his
abilities but as he looked into Tony's eyes that was all he saw.

"He can't have you now, Tony. You're mine and I'm not gonna let you go."

Chapter 21

Gibbs woke up earlier than he usually did and it wasn't soon before he worked out why. Tony
was making small whimpering sounds and he was facing away from Gibbs curled up into a
tight ball. Gibbs gently placed his hand on Tony's back wincing as the younger man flinched
but didn't wake. Tony hadn't had a nightmare for a while and from the looks of this one it
wasn't going to be an easy one. He pulled the covers back and rolled out of the bed walking
around the other side to face Tony.

The younger man's face was damp and his breathing was getting harsher and faster, Gibbs
could tell that he was starting to panic in his nightmare. Gibbs lightly grabbed Tony's shoulder,
light enough that Tony wouldn't think he was trying to hold him down and tried to wake him.

"Tony," he whispered, "Tony, wake up it's just a dream it's not real."

Tony could hear Gibbs' voice but it wasn't making any sense, he couldn't understand what he
was saying. He couldn't concentrate on Gibbs' voice; he was too busy trying to get away.
Sometimes he was lucky and his nightmares were blurred and unfocused and they slipped
away from him once he woke up, but not this one. This was one of the others, the ones that
were clear and bright, where he could hear every word and feel every touch. In these ones the
lines between reality and nightmare became blurred and sometimes when he woke he could
still feel them, still hear them.

Right now it was like he was twelve years old again and he was lying on his stomach,
frightened out of his mind. Only it was different this time because he knew what was coming.
When one of the men stood behind him he tried to kick out, tried to stop him but he couldn't.
He could feel his face burn as they stripped him of his clothing and ran their hands over his
body. He could hear their voices in his ear whispering things that he could never forget no
matter how hard he tried.

"The little slut wants it; look at him he's just begging to be fucked."

"Open up for me, you little whore, don't pretend like you don't want it."

What was worse was that this time his Father's voice joined the tirade of abuse.

"I knew you'd be a slut, just like your Mother was. Look at you, you're pathetic."

He couldn't hear Gibbs at all any more, he was alone. He tried to kick his legs but they
wouldn't cooperate, he tried to cover his ears from the tirade of abuse being thrown at him
but he couldn't move his arms. He was stuck there, taking it and right then he felt just as
pathetic as his Father always said he was.

Gibbs watched helplessly as Tony struggled through his nightmare, the younger man was
moving more vigorously now, his whimpering turning screaming. Gibbs didn't know what he
was supposed to do, Tony wouldn't wake up. He had head slapped him, yelled at him and
shaken him but he was still trapped in his nightmare. He could see the tears coming out from
under Tony's closed lids could feel the panic and pain rolling of the other man and he couldn't
take it any more.

He grabbed Tony by the shoulder hard and was totally unprepared for the younger man's
reaction. Tony flung his fist into his face knocking him back causing the side of his forehead to
smash against the bed stand.

"Fuck," he growled out pushing his hand against his forehead wincing when he realized it was
bleeding.

Tony had no idea what was going on one minute he was fully enclosed in his nightmare and
the next he was half sitting up in bed staring at Gibbs. Gibbs, who was on the floor, with blood
trickling down his face from a gash on his forehead. It only took a split second for Tony to
realize what he had done.

"Oh, God. Oh my God," Tony whimpered staring at the blood on Gibbs' forehead and the
swelling of his eye.

Gibbs looked up when he heard Tony speak, relieved that he was no longer in the midst of his
nightmare but he changed his mind when he was the look of fear and panic on the younger
man's face. He quickly got up, ignoring the slight dizziness he felt and tried to comfort Tony.

Tony couldn't think straight, all he was seeing was the blood on Gibbs' face and the blackening
eye but he could still hear the voices from the nightmare. Everything was crashing horribly
together, the guilt that was rearing up inside of him tangling with the fear he had felt earlier.
Tony didn't realize how fast he was breathing or how much he was shaking, he was so
panicked he didn't even notice that Gibbs was now directly in front of him.

"Tony, listen to me ok, focus on what I'm saying." Gibbs knew enough about Tony's
nightmares that the younger man would still be feeling the after-effects as well as being
terrified he had hurt him. "I'm fine, it looks worse than it is."

Tony's eyes still didn't focus on him, they were glazed and Gibbs could tell he was in the midst
of an intense panic attack. He had to get Tony to focus on him before he could get the
younger man to calm down. He moved closer and grabbed the back of Tony's neck and
squeezed gently, cupping his check with his free hand as he did so.

"Focus on me, Tony. It's alright; it's just me and you, no one else. Just look at me."

Gibbs could see Tony's eyes start to focus on him and he kept gently talking to him as he tried
to calm him down.

"That's it, Tony, you're ok. I'm fine, you didn't hurt me."

Tony closed his eyes causing some unshed tears to fall down his face. "I hit you. You're
bleeding," he said his voice hitching. He started as he felt Gibbs' thumb brush away his tears
and opened his eyes cautiously, worried that he might see anger in the blue eyes in front of
him but he saw none.

"You were asleep, Tony, I know you didn't know it was me."

Tony nodded. "I thought it was one of them."

"I know you did. I'm not mad at you, Tony. It wasn't your fault, I shouldn't have grabbed
you."

Tony wrapped his fingers around Gibbs wrist and pulled the older man onto the bed, moving
back as he did so. "If it's not my fault then it's not your fault either."

Gibbs smiled at him, "Ok, it was no one’s fault."

Tony nodded his head shakily. Now that he had stopped panicking about hurting Gibbs the
after-effects of the nightmare returned full throttle and he had to fight to keep back the
nausea.

"I think I'm gonna throw up," he said getting up of the bed unsteadily. He swayed slightly as
he stood and was immensely grateful when he felt Gibbs' presence to his side and he leant
into him as they walked towards the bathroom.

They barely made it there in time; as soon as they walked through the door Tony pulled away
from Gibbs and crouched down over the toilet. Gibbs knelt down next to him rubbing his back
in soothing motions as Tony retched emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

Tony stayed there for a while clutching at the toilet taking deep breaths to keep the nausea at
bay until Gibbs handed him a warm washcloth. He wiped his face down and allowed Gibbs to
pull him up and into a fierce hug.

"Better?" Gibbs asked.

Tony nodded his head. Right now all he wanted to do was lie back down in Gibbs' arms. He
didn't want to have to worry about work and telling Abby and Ducky, he just wanted to stay
with Gibbs.

Gibbs held the still shaking form in his arms tightly. He didn't want to admit it to Tony but he
had been scared shitless when he wouldn't wake up. He'd had no idea what he was supposed
to do, he thought that Tony's nightmares might have gone but this one was one of the worst
he'd seen. He should have guessed that one was coming after his Father getting back in touch
and opening up to Ziva and McGee.

"Come on let's sit down," Gibbs said leading Tony into the kitchen.

They sat down across from each other at the table, Gibbs still holding Tony's hand. He ran his
fingers gently over the underside of Tony's wrist as they sat in silence. He sighed and looked
at the downcast young man in front of him. Tony didn't deserve any of what had happened to
him, and he also didn't deserve to have to keep reliving it now. Gibbs had thought that they
would have been able to work through all of Tony's issues between them but now he wasn't so
sure. He wanted Tony to get better and if that meant making the younger man see someone
professionally then that's what he would do.

"Tony," he said, "look at me."

He waited until Tony had lifted his face and was looking directly at him.

"The nightmares aren't just going to go away," he started slowly. "I don't think they ever will
if we keep going the way we are."

Tony couldn't stop the cold fear that filled his veins as he heard Gibbs' words. He had thought
that Gibbs would never leave but apparently he was too much to handle.

"Oh. Well, I, uh, guess I'll just go," he said tugging his arm.

Gibbs held on strongly. "Hey, stop that. I'm not leaving you."

Tony looked up at him startled, "You’re not?"

"No, I'm not. You know I wouldn't, Tony."

"But you said…"

Gibbs interrupted him, "I never said anything about me leaving. I meant that we need to
handle this in a different way."

Gibbs watched Tony's expression and still didn't see any sign of him understanding what Gibbs
was talking about.

"I mean I think you should talk to someone," he said softly. As soon as the words left his
mouth he felt Tony's arm tense up again.

"Why?" Tony asked "I talk to you."

Gibbs sighed, he didn't want Tony to think that he was dumping all of his issues on someone
else and that he didn't care but he also knew that he couldn't help Tony on his own.

"Talking to me isn't enough, you need to talk to someone who can really understand and help
you."

"I don't want to," Tony whispered.

"I won't make you do it yourself, Tony; I'll even come with you if that's what you want."

"Really?"

Gibbs nodded, "If you want me there, I will be there."

Tony didn't really know what he was supposed to feel. He was relieved that Gibbs wasn't
leaving but he didn't want to have to tell a stranger about what had happened. Then again
Gibbs had said he would be there and Gibbs hadn't lied to Tony so far, and if he were there it
might be ok.

"Ok," he said quietly "only if you're there."

"I'll be there."

Tony looked into Gibbs' eyes checking for confirmation that he really would come before he
nodded.

Gibbs continued stroking Tony's wrist gently noticing how the gesture seemed to calm him; he
also noticed how exhausted Tony looked. Nightmares like the one earlier always drained Tony
of most of his energy regardless of how long he had slept before it.

"We can stay home today," Gibbs offered. He had no idea how he'd get that by the director
but he would do it for Tony.

"No, I want to go in," Tony said firmly. "I've got to talk to Abby and Ducky."

"You don't have to do that today, Tony, not after that."

"I want to. If I don't get it done today I don't know if I ever will."

Gibbs didn't really want Tony at the office and he was worried that Tony might be pushing
himself to hard emotionally if he talked to Abby and Ducky straight after having a nightmare
that bad.

"You sure?"

Tony gave him a small smile. "Positive, you can be there if you want." He didn't want to admit
it but he wanted Gibbs there today, especially with Abby. She was one of his best friends but
he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle her if she got upset or angry even if it was on his behalf,
especially today.

"Do you want me to?"

Tony gave a barely noticeable nod of his head not looking straight at Gibbs. He hated that he
relied on the older man so much, that he was so needy but he could never stop himself no
matter how much he wanted to.

"Hey," Gibbs said sternly, "stop that. If you ever need anything from me no matter how stupid
you think it is then you ask, ok?"

"Ok," he whispered. "I'm sorry I should know this by now."

"It's not your fault, Tony. We both knew this would be hard when we started it but we will get
through it all."

"It's getting easier. I don't want to hurt myself now, even after that nightmare I didn't. I just
wanted you," Tony said blushing.

Gibbs smiled his crooked smile at him, making him blush further.

"Good. That's how it should be."

Tony nodded, stifling a yawn. He really was exhausted; he felt like he hadn't slept at all and
for once he wasn't hoping a case would come up. That was another thing that had improved
since getting together with Gibbs; he didn't need distractions as much. He was much more
comfortable with his thoughts than he used to be, he could usually push the unwanted ones
away and when he couldn't Gibbs always knew and gave him something to do. He still had
days like this when his past would come back to him in full force but now he had Gibbs to help
in through it and that meant even the worst days were bearable.

"Do you want breakfast?" Gibbs asked.

Tony looked up at the kitchen clock, he hadn't realized how late it had gotten. "I'm not really
hungry."

"You have to eat something."

Tony's stomach churned at the thought of food but he knew Gibbs was right. "I'll just have
some plain toast."

"Alright. Go have a shower, I'll have one after so don't use up all the hot water."

Tony smiled guiltily, he had done that more than once but Gibbs never complained but he
didn't know how much longer that would last if he kept having to have cold showers. This was

another reason why he preferred his apartment; the hot water lasted much longer than Gibbs'
did.

Tony got up and gave Gibbs a quick kiss on the side of his mouth. "Ok, and thank you,
Jethro."

They quickly finished up their morning routines before they headed into work in their
respective cars. They didn't bother taking different routes this time so they both arrive at
NCIS at the same time.

"This would be much easier if we took the same car," Tony said as he stepped out.

"I know but that would bring up a lot of unwanted questions."

Tony sighed and chucked his bag onto his shoulder locking his car. "Yeah, I know."

By the time Ziva and McGee arrived Tony and Gibbs were sitting at their respective desks,
(Gibbs having had the gash on his forehead fixed up by Ducky) finishing up any loose work
they had left.

"Morning," McGee greeted giving Gibbs a curious look as he took in the black eye and wound
on his forehead but refrained from commenting. "No case?"

"Nope." Gibbs said as he hunted through his drawer.

Ziva wasn't as subtle as McGee. "What happened to you?" she demanded as she sat down.

"Nothing that you need to worry about," Gibbs said evasively glaring at her so she knew to
drop it. For a moment it looked like she would argue but then she turned and sat down at her
desk.

Tony looked at Gibbs gratefully for not mentioning anything and then went back to scrolling
through his emails. He had one from Abby and a couple of junk ones and another from an
email address he hadn't seen before. He clicked it open and his gut clenched as he read the
contents.

Anthony,

I thought you may like to see this; you, of course, have the starring role. I'll see you soon.

Anthony DiNozzo, Senior.

Tony looked again at the email and noticed the video attachment. He knew he shouldn't open
it, he had a very good idea of what was on the video file but he wanted to believe that it
wasn't Maui. He didn't remember any cameras but then again he couldn't even remember
their faces. He looked across at Gibbs, it was one thing for the older man to know what had
happened to him as a child but it was another thing entirely for him to watch it.

Tony needed to know, he couldn't just delete it but if it was Maui then he had no idea how
he'd react and he wanted Gibbs to be there if he opened it.

He didn't even think before calling out to Gibbs.

"Jethro," he said his eyes not leaving the computer screen. "Can you come here?"

Both Ziva and McGee looked up shocked when they heard Tony use Gibbs' first name but they
didn't comment. Both of them could see the way Tony had gone pale and they both had a
good idea about who had caused it.

Gibbs was just as shocked when he heard Tony use his first name but that was quickly
overruled by concern as he took in Tony's appearance and his tone of voice. He quickly got up
and strode over to Tony's desk.

"Yeah, Tony?"

The younger man just pointed at the email on the screen. Gibbs placed his hand on Tony's
armrest and crouched down to read the email. Once he had he was beyond pissed and hugely
worried. If that video was what he thought it was then it would devastate Tony. If his Father
had sent it to his office then he could have sent it to other people and he knew Tony wouldn't
be able to bear it if it was circulating around the internet.

"Don't open it," he said sternly but Tony ignored him.

"I have to know," he said quickly clicking the attachment.

"Tony!" he half yelled but Tony kept his hand on the mouse preventing him from stopping the
video.

If Tony had had any doubts about what the video was they were gone now. The video didn't
start at the beginning it started part way through the rape. As soon as it started playing he
saw himself on the screen with one of the Maui men pounding into him. He could see himself
screaming and crying and he could see the other men laughing.

Gibbs had tried hard not to let himself visualize what had happened to Tony but at that
moment he knew he would never be able to stop. He wanted to hug the twelve year old Tony
that he saw on the screen and shoot the men who had done this. And then he wanted to beat
the crap out of Tony's Father, to keep hitting him until he had some understanding of the pain
he had put his son through. He was frozen; he couldn't pull his eyes away from what was
happening on the screen until he heard a whimper escape Tony.

"Fuck," he whispered pushing the power button on the computer watching as the screen
turned black.

Tony stood up fast pushing his chair back breathing harshly and Gibbs quickly followed, he
wanted to make sure Tony didn't try and run. But he needn't have bothered, as soon as he
stood up Tony moved closer to him.

"Promise me you'll catch them," the younger man whispered wildly. Tony was wearing an
expression that Gibbs hadn't seen before, pure anger. Tony was angry. "He's wrong. If he
thinks this is going to scare me into doing what he wants then he's wrong. Promise me that
you will get them."

"I'll get them." And he meant it. He didn't give a shit what the director said; this was going to
be his team's top priority. They were going to bring Tony's Father down and the men from
Maui. And Gibbs was determined to make them pay.

Chapter 22

Tony hadn't understood before. He hadn't really understood how Gibbs could get so mad
about his Father, about Maui. But he did now. Before he had still had that shame running
through him, he had suppressed it down so far that sometimes he didn't even know it was
there, but it was. But as he had sat there and saw that video he understood. He didn't see a
whore or a slut, he saw a twelve year old kid who was going through hell through no fault of
his own.

Right now as he stood staring at Gibbs all he could feel was anger. He was so angry; he could
feel it through his entire being. He was angry at the men who had done this to him, who had
stood there and laughed as they'd raped him. He was angry at his Father for setting it up, for
coming back and trying to screw up everything that he had worked so hard to achieve. And he
was angry at himself for letting his Father twist his mind around so much as a child that he
really believed he didn't deserve to be happy, that he didn't deserve to be loved. But not any
more. He knew they were wrong and he was determined that he would get them for what they
had taken from him.

Gibbs was staring at him looking unsure but determined. He knew that Gibbs would find them;
Gibbs wouldn't stop looking until they had gotten what they deserved.

"They need to know the full story, Tony."

Tony looked into Gibbs' eyes and nodded. "I know, but all together I don't want to have to do
this more than once."

Gibbs looked a little hesitant which was an unusual look on the older man, Tony could only
guess that he had thrown him off with his anger. "They'll need to see it. To try and get an I.D
on the men."

Tony knew that they would have to watch it but that didn't stop him from being hugely
uncomfortable about it. It was bad enough that they would have to know but to have to
watch, to see him when he had been that vulnerable and that hurt was another story.

"Yeah. Yeah, I know."

Gibbs knew exactly how much that would hurt Tony, to have the team see something like that
but he could tell Tony was going to see it through. He hadn't been expecting anger from Tony
and he doubted that's what Tony's Father through would arise but he was glad it was anger
and not defeat that Tony was feeling. He looked across at Ziva and McGee who were both
looking enormously confused.

"You two, go down to Abby's lab and get Ducky there as well."

He got no arguments from either of them as they quickly got up and headed down to Abby's
lab.

He turned back to Tony who as angry as he was still appeared decidedly shaken. "They only
need to watch a little, just enough to get and I.D."

Tony nodded, "Yeah, ok. Can I talk to them before they watch anything? I don't want to be
there when they see it."

"I wouldn't want you to see that again anyway, Tony. We'll leave once you've talked to them."

"Leave to where?"

"Home. I'll have to talk to the Director but right now this is our case and we can work it from
home today."

"What if the Director doesn't agree?"

"Then he can go to hell for all I care."

Tony gave Gibbs a weak smile. "Ok, then, let's get this over with then."

They walked over to the elevator in silence. Once they were in Gibbs quickly flicked the
emergency switch button stopping the elevator. He turned to Tony and pulled him into a fierce
hug.

"You have no idea how proud I am of you," he whispered in Tony's ear.

Tony looked at him confusion written all over his face, "For what?"

"For how you dealt with that, you could have just deleted it or not told me but you didn't. You
didn't try to run or deal with it by yourself, that's why I'm proud."

"I didn't understand it before," Tony said softly, "before it still felt like it was my fault, that I
had done something to deserve it but seeing that…seeing that showed me I was just a kid."

Gibbs pressed a kiss to Tony's forehead, allowing them to stay in the embrace for several
minutes before pulling away. "Ready?"

"No, but this is as ready as I'm ever gonna be."

Gibbs flicked the switch and they stood there as the elevator descended. They stepped out
and walked into Abby's lab where everyone was waiting for them.

"What's happened?" Abby yelled jumping of her chair. "You're not sick are you," she said
turning to Tony. "You're boat didn't get stolen, did it?" she asked turning to Gibbs before Tony
could respond.

Gibbs shook his head. "No, Abby, none of that. I need you to pull up Tony's emails for me but
don't open any."

"Ok," Abby said giving Tony a questioning look as she walked back to her computer.

"Jethro, what exactly is going on?" Ducky asked, "you've gotten everyone in quite a state."

"That's my fault, Ducky" Tony said looking down "I need to tell you all something."

Tony could feel everyone's eyes on him but he didn't know where to start and he was worried
that when he did start he would have a full out panic attack. He looked up when he felt Gibbs
touch his shoulder.

"Just tell them, Tony. You don't need to sugar coat anything, just tell them what happened."

Knowing Gibbs was right there helped to give him the strength he needed to look at the team
and talk.

"Uh, remember when I said my dad left me in Maui that time?"

Abby had turned away from her computer and was looking straight at him her dark eyes
worried. She nodded at him, "Yeah, I remember."

He looked at Ziva, McGee and Ducky checking for confirmation before he continued.

"Well, something bad happened then. Really bad." He stopped. Everything was becoming
overwhelming, the nightmare and the video had brought everything back to the surface, it
was too fresh now, too raw and he didn't think he could say it out loud. He leant back into
Gibbs not caring what the others would think.

"I don't think I can do this, Jethro."

Gibbs looked down at Tony and saw the pain in the younger man's eyes. He didn't want to
push him but the others needed to know.

"It's alright. I can tell them."

Tony just nodded and closed his eyes. He wasn't going to listen; he would focus on Gibbs
behind him and the support he was giving him.

Gibbs ran his fingers through the other man's hair as he looked around at the rest of the
team. None of them looked shocked to see them being that intimate and by now they had
probably worked out what was going on between him and Tony. But that was something he
would deal with another day, right now he just needed to talk to them and get Tony home,
any dealings with Vance he could do over the phone.

"When Tony was in Maui he didn't just stay at the hotel, he went out." Gibbs paused as he
looked around, he could see on all of their faces that they were prepared that whatever he
was about to tell them would be bad. He only hoped that they were prepared for how bad it
really was.

"He went out and got picked up by someone who he thought was his Father's driver taking
him to the airport. But it wasn't. The man took him to another building and he drugged him."

It was much easier to talk it out like this, like he wasn't involved and that it was just another
case that he was talking about with his team. He couldn't let himself think it was Tony or he
wouldn't be able to keep going. He could feel how the younger man had tensed in his arms
and he wanted to get this over fast.

"Tony wasn't unconscious just sedated, he couldn't move at all but he was awake. There were
some other men in the building and they…they raped him."

He felt Tony turn his head into his chest and could tell that the younger man didn't want to
see their reactions. But he needn't have worried, not one member of the team looked at Tony
with pity or anger. There was anger in their eyes but it wasn't directed at Tony.

"He was twelve," McGee stated to no one, anger clouding his voice. "He was only twelve."

Ziva put her hand on his arm in an attempt to calm him. "Now is not the time, Tim" she said
indicating to Tony who still had his head buried in Gibbs' chest. "We will get them and then
you can get angry but not now."

McGee nodded as he looked at Tony. Right now he was a mixture of confusion and anger.
Tony had always seemed so happy and so confident until recently; he never would have
expected that he could have had anything like this happen to him. He looked over as he heard
a stifled sob. Abby was sitting on her chair trying to keep herself under control but without
much success. Her makeup had already started to run down her face and she had her fist
clutched to her mouth to keep herself from making any noise.

Ducky walked over to her and pulled her into a protective hug letting her break down in his
arms. "There, there, Abigail, it'll be alright."

"We are going after them?" Ziva asked. The young woman was visibly shaken but anger
simmered just below the surface and Gibbs knew if any one of those men walked through the
doors they would be dead instantly.

Gibbs nodded. "There's another thing."

"His Father?" McGee asked softly. He felt bad talking about this when Tony was so obviously
distressed but he needed to know.

"He set it up."

There was silence for several seconds before they all started asking questions at once. Tony
couldn't take it anymore, he just wanted to leave with Gibbs and go home. He wanted to
pretend like none of this had happened, that his Father hadn't sent the video and that the
team didn't have to know about Maui.

"Stop it!" he yelled out, "Just stop, please."

Gibbs let his hand rest on the small of Tony's back as the younger man faced the team.

"All of it. He arranged it all so he could get some fast cash and now he's back." Tony turned
and looked at Gibbs. "Can we go now please?"

Gibbs nodded. "Any more questions I can answer over the phone got it? Abby and McGee,
there is a video that Tony's Father sent him showing all of this. I know that it'll be hard to
watch but I want those men identified." He turned to Ziva, "Ziva, I want you to put a warrant
out for Anthony DiNozzo, Senior and bring him in."

They all nodded at him. He looked over at Ducky and saw the concern in the older man's eyes
and made a note to call him. He would probably be able to find someone for Tony to talk to
and he was determined that Tony would talk to someone soon.

"Come on," he whispered in Tony's ear "Let's go, we can deal with the rest at your
apartment."

They walked back out of Abby's lab in silence with Tony still leaning on Gibbs. As they got in
the elevator Tony pulled away from Gibbs slightly.

"I'm sorry" he whispered.

"What for?"

"I wanted to tell them but I just couldn't."

Gibbs tucked his finger under the younger man's chin and forced his head up so their eyes
met. "You did amazingly."

Tony shook his head a little disbelievingly but didn't argue he just allowed Gibbs to pull him
back into his arms. He felt bad that he couldn't tell them himself but he was glad they knew
everything. Now that they knew things could get better, they'd catch his Father and those
men and he wouldn't have to keep living in fear and he could finally let the past that had
haunted him for so long go.

Chapter 23

Gibbs and Tony drove home in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Tony hadn't wanted to
leave his car at the garage again but he knew that Gibbs was right; he shouldn't be driving
when he was so emotionally exhausted. And he really was. Right now all he wanted to do was
curl up with Gibbs and fall asleep, except every time he closed his eyes he would see that
video. He had never really known what it had looked like; he remembered how it had felt, how
it had sounded but not how it had looked. He had imagined it and dreamed about it but seeing
it tonight made it all so much more real than it had ever been before. He had never told
anyone about it until Gibbs. Before then those two days had been nightmares that lived in his
subconscious mind and only emerged when he was asleep or couldn't fight them off. He
always knew it was there but sometimes he could convince himself that it wasn't real, that it
really was just a reoccurring nightmare that wouldn't leave. But not anymore and he still
couldn't work out whether that was good or not. He knew that now he really had to accept
that it had happened to him, it wasn't some dream and that it hadn't happened to someone
else. That twelve year old boy in the video was him and no one would let him pretend that it
wasn't. Not anymore.

Tony barely noticed when they pulled into his apartment car park; he was so absorbed in his
thoughts. He only noticed that they had stopped moving when Gibbs opened his door and
gently squeezed the back of his next. He looked up startled.

"We're here," Gibbs said softly staring at him.

"Oh."

Gibbs sighed as he looked down at Tony. He wasn't sure how he felt about Tony's Father
sending them that video. He was unimaginably angry at what Tony had endured, he hadn't
really allowed himself to visualize what had happened, he had been to consumed by the anger
he felt at Tony's Father and the men who had raped him but seeing the actual act today
brought forth a whole lot more anger and he knew the only way to get rid of it was to make
sure those men were behind bars. Although he was angry he knew that by sending them that
video Tony's Father had given them the evidence that they would need to put him and those
men away for good.

He quickly leant over and unbuckled Tony's seatbelt and helped pull the younger man to his
feet.

"Come on, let's go inside."

Once they entered the apartment Tony just stood there. He didn't know what he was
supposed to do now, everything felt so raw and open and he just didn't want to have to deal
with any of it right now. So he just stood there waiting for Gibbs to do something, whatever
Gibbs decided they did after anything like this happened always made him feel better. If there
was one thing that he had learnt it was that letting Gibbs take care of him when things got
bad was definitely the better option than trying to take care of it himself. All the anger that
had built up in him before had vanished, he was sure it would come back but right know he
just feel exhausted right through to his core.

Tony let Gibbs lead him into the bedroom, let him change him into his faded sweats and t-shirt
that he had nicked from Gibbs' place. There was nothing sexual in any of Gibbs' actions he
was simply taking care of Tony. They went back into the living room and Gibbs sat on the
couch pulling Tony down so that his head was resting in his lap. He turned the television on
and they sat there while he ran his fingers through Tony's hair knowing that it would help
soothe the younger man.

"What happens now?" Tony asked quietly. "Am I going to have to testify?"

"Hopefully not, we've got the video; they can't defend themselves with that evidence."

"What if we don't find them or my Father?"

"We will," Gibbs said confidently. There was no way he was going to let those men get away,
not now that they had the evidence to catch them and put them away. The only way they
wouldn't get them was if they were already dead.

Tony sighed and tried to just focus on the feel of Gibbs fingers running through his hair but it
wasn't working. His mind was working over time and he kept replaying everything that had
happened to him over and over again. He was thinking about Maui, about the team, the video,
Gibbs, he couldn't get his mind to stop racing. Normally if this had happened he would have
been out of the apartment and hitting the clubs but that wasn't how it worked anymore. Then
he had an idea, just because he couldn't go out and have sex with some stranger and let them
hurt him to distract himself didn't mean he couldn't have sex right now. Sex had never been a
good distraction he had always needed something much stronger and darker than that but sex
with Gibbs was better than nothing.

Gibbs was taken by surprise when Tony sat up and pushed him into the couch, kissing him
with a ferocity that he hadn't seen before. The younger man was almost desperate; his hands
were roaming his body going under his shirt touching him in all the right places. However as
turned on as he was from this he knew something was up.

"Tony, what are you doing?" he asked panting slightly.

"Let's have sex."

After both of them having watched that video there was no way that Gibbs was going to fuck
Tony, no matter how much his body wanted to.

"No."

Tony looked at him his eyes slightly panicked. "Why not? You love me, don't you?"

"I do, which is exactly why I'm not going to have sex with you. I'm not going to be a
distraction, Tony."

Tony looked away from him embarrassed. He should have known that Gibbs wouldn't want to
have sex with him after seeing that. He moved to get off him but Gibbs grabbed his arm.

"Hey, we will have sex but when we're both ready. When we do it is going to be because we
both want to not because you're trying to forget something or distract yourself."

Gibbs could see the doubt in Tony's eyes, so he deliberately rolled him hips showing the
younger man exactly how turned on he was by him. "Tony, believe me I want to have sex with
you, just not right now. Not after today, everything is too fresh in your mind and in mine."

Tony nodded resting his forehead against Gibbs'. "I can't stop thinking about everything. How
do I make it stop?"

Gibbs gave Tony a chaste kiss then pulled away, "Focus on now. Don't let your self think about
then. Think about what you feel right now, what you can hear right now. Don't let it in
anymore."

"It's so hard. The memories have always been there I've never been able to make them go
away, I don't think they will now."

"You don't have to forget about them, Tony, just accept that they're there and move forward.
Don't let them keep dragging you down."

Tony hadn't ever thought about it that way before, for him the memories were either with him
and he was unhappy or he could make himself forget and he was happy. Those had always
been his only two options, he had learned to cherish the days when his memories would be so
far in the back of mind that it was like they weren't even there. Those were the days where he
could go to work and everything was so easy, it wouldn't be a chore to keep up his façade it
would feel real. It was the days when those memories were at the forefront of his mind that
keeping his act up was almost impossible, where every fake grin or playboy comment drained
him of his energy. It had never crossed his mind that he could be happy while those memories
were still in his head.

"How?"

"You have to work that out for yourself. Just let yourself be regardless of how strong the
memories are."

Tony was always amazed that Gibbs could read him so well and right now was no different.

"I'll try," he said lying back down resting his head on Gibbs' lap, letting out a sigh of
contentment as Gibbs resumed running his fingers through his hair.

They lay there in silence for a while watching the television but it wasn't much longer before
Gibbs heard a slight snoring coming from Tony. He looked down and saw that the younger
man was sound asleep his face finally loosing some of the tension that had been there all day.

Gibbs was about to drift off to sleep as well when he heard a knock at Tony's door. It was
testament to how exhausted Tony was that he didn't wake up at the knock or when Gibbs
slowly moved his head off his lap and stood up. He walked over to the door and looked
through the peephole surprised to see Abby standing outside. He opened the door and was
almost bowled over by the Goth as she ran into his arms.

"Hey, Abs," he said quietly.

He got a muffled sob in return before the Goth looked up at him. "Is he ok?" she asked.

"He will be. Keep it down he's sleeping on the couch," he said motioning towards Tony.

Abby walked quietly over to the sleeping man and quickly pressed a kiss to the top of his head
before looking back at Gibbs.

"I got a hit on two of the men; I'm still looking for the third."

"Good, do you know where they are?"

"Still in Maui. McGee and Ziva put a warrant out for their arrest; they'll be brought to D.C once
they're caught."

Abby paused as she looked back at Tony, she had always known that he was hiding something
bad but she had never known it was this bad. Watching even a small amount of that tape had
been the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. She had just wanted to find Tony and
hug him until everything was better but she knew that hugging and black roses wouldn't cut it
this time. Even Ziva hadn't been able to hide her emotions, the normally strong agent was
almost white with rage when they had finished and Tim wasn't much better.

"And Tony's Father?"

"They couldn't find him; I think they're still at the office trying to locate him."

Gibbs glanced at the clock, he hadn't realized that they would still be there but he supposed
he should have. He didn't think he had seen McGee that angry ever and Ziva had been just as
bad, it was only natural that they would still be there trying to find the people who had done
this to their friend. He wanted to be there helping but right now he needed to be with Tony.
He wasn't sure if Tony's Father would have bothered to hide after sending that tape, he
probably assumed that Tony would have deleted it and not told anyone. He was hoping that
Tony's father had made that assumption but his gut was telling him that he hadn't. Anthony
DiNozzo Senior had seemed determined to see his son and didn't seem like he would risk
loosing that opportunity.

He sighed, he still had to talk to Vance about everything and on top of that he was worried
about his team.

"How is everyone?" he asked softly.

"Angry. Upset…" Abby paused. "Why did he never tell us?"

"He couldn't risk it, Abby. He was happy here; he was too scared that people would react
badly."

"He should trust us," she said sadly.

"It's hard for him Abs, but he's getting there. He was there today, even if he couldn't tell you
properly he was still there. That took a huge amount of trust on his behalf."

Abby nodded and took a shaky breath. "I should go; I just needed to check he was alright."

"He'll get there, Abs, but it's gonna be hard. He's not going to want to talk about it, that tape
forced it out into the open much sooner than he was ready for."

She nodded at him before making her way to the door. As she reached it she turned around
and stared right at him.

"I know you and Tony are together, anyone could see it" she said softly. "Don't you hurt him,
Gibbs. He's been hurt too much already."

Gibbs was glad that Abby was looking out for Tony even though he knew he would never
voluntarily hurt the younger man.

"I won't, Abby. He's mine now and I won't ever deliberately hurt him and I'm gonna do my
best to make sure that no one else will either."

Abby nodded at him, "Ok. Night, Gibbs, tell Tony that he better be awake when I see him
tomorrow, ok?"

"I will, Abs" Gibbs said with a slight smile.

Abby waved at him before walking out the door, as she did he turned back around to Tony.
The younger man was still fast asleep and he was reluctant to wake him, he needed the sleep.
It would be worth sleeping on the chair and having a bad back if it meant Tony got an
uninterrupted sleep so he grabbed a couple of blankets from Tony's room and gently placed on
over the younger man before settling down on the chair. He knew it would be pointless to
hope that he wouldn't dream of the younger Tony when he fell asleep but that didn't stop him
from hoping anyway and it wasn't long before he drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 24

Tony awoke in confusion, trying to work out where he was and why he had been sleeping on a
couch. It didn't take him long to realize that it was his apartment, his couch and that he had
fallen asleep. He sat up wondering where Gibbs was but quickly spotted the older man on the
chair, mouth slightly open and his breathing even and slow. He took a moment to just look at
Gibbs, to let his presence calm him. He was grateful that Gibbs hadn't woken him, he'd had an
unbroken sleep so far and he felt more ready to deal with what was coming than he had
before.

Arching his back, groaning as it cracked Tony got up and walked barefoot into the kitchen.
Coffee wouldn't do him any good right now, it was still early in the morning and he wanted to
try and get back to sleep so he settled on hot chocolate. He leant over and put the jug on
hoping that it wouldn't wake Gibbs.

Swiping a hand over his face he leant back against the counter allowing it to take some of his
weight. Yesterday had not been a good one, of all the things he had expected his Father to do
that was not one of them. And he felt guilty for not being able to talk to the rest of the team,
but he was glad they knew even if it wasn't directly from him. Getting up as the jug boiled he
made up his mind to try and talk to the others even briefly about it, after yesterday they
probably thought that he didn't trust them and although that was partly the case they
deserved to know why.

"You ok?"

Tony spun around startled slightly even though he knew that it was Gibbs who had spoken.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Making hot chocolate if you want any?"

"Coffee?" Gibbs asked hopefully.

"You are not having coffee and 3:30 am, Jethro. You won't sleep," Tony said exasperated.

"Are you going to be able to sleep?" Gibbs asked raising an eyebrow.

He hadn't had a nightmare but he still wasn't sure if he could sleep again but he knew he
needed the rest.

"I'm gonna try."

"Alright."

Tony finished making the hot chocolate and headed back into the living room with Gibbs not
far behind. They sat together on the couch, Tony blowing gently on the hot chocolate before
taking a tentative sip.

"I need to talk to them," Tony said after setting the steaming mug down.

Gibbs nodded, "Yeah, you do, but you don't have to do it today."

"I want to."

Gibbs nodded, "Alright. You were fine yesterday, Tony, not one of them is going to be angry at
you for not telling them. They understand."

"I know they do, Jethro" Tony said sighing, "It's just hard to make myself believe it after
spending so long thinking that they would hate me for it."

Gibbs was surprised that the younger man was dealing so well with having the team know
everything and still wanted to talk to them about it. He was aware that Tony felt guilty for not
being able to tell them himself and would try and make up for that today. Tony may think that
the team would be angry at him for not telling them, or treat him differently but he knew
better. He had seen first hand how Abby had been after finding out and she wasn't angry at
Tony, she was hurt but she also knew that it wasn't his fault. She was also angry, hell the
whole team was angry. He had seen anger in all their eyes and knew that they would all do
whatever it took to put them away.

"They found two of the men from the video," Gibbs said carefully watching Tony. He didn't
want to beat around the bush when it came to giving Tony any information that they found. It
would be better if they tried to get everything over with as fast as possible, he didn't want it
to be drawn out. However with Tony's father involved who knew what would happen he
thought angrily.

"Oh. Um, where are they?"

"In Maui. They're gonna be brought here once they're caught."

Tony leaned against Gibbs resting his head on the older man's shoulder. "I really don't want to
have to see them."

"Hopefully you won't have to," Gibbs said. He didn't want Tony to ever have to lay eyes on
those men again but he knew the younger man might not have a choice.

He let Tony finish his hot chocolate before pulling him up of the couch and leading him into the
bedroom.

"Let's try and sleep," he said pulling Tony in for a quick kiss.

"Mmm kay" Tony mumbled at him. He could see the younger man was still exhausted so they
quickly got settled in the bed.

Tony curled up to Gibbs, letting the older man wrap his arm around him and hold him tight.

"Love you, Tony" he whispered in Tony's ear.

"Love you, too" he heard Tony's voice say, muffled slightly due to the younger man burrowing
closer too him as he spoke. Gibbs let the comforting weight of the younger man in his arms
help pull him into sleep, very grateful that he didn't have that cup of coffee.

Tony wasn't sure what to expect when he walked into the bullpen with Gibbs. He didn't want
everything to have changed, to have them all look at him with pity but he hadn't stayed long
enough yesterday to truly gauge their reactions. His first stop was to go down and talk to
Abby; Gibbs had told him how she had dropped by last night, how she was worried and
wanted to talk to him.

He barely made it into her lab when he was bowled over by a rush of black.

"Tony!" Abby yelled before bursting into tears.

Tony wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to do so he just hugged her while she sobbed in
his arms.

"Oh, Tony, I am so totally sorry, I'm not the one who should be having a breakdown right
now."

Tony smiled wryly at her, "Trust me I have had my fair share of breakdowns recently."

Abby wiped eyes effectively smudging her makeup down her face for the second day in a row.

"I am really sorry, Tony" she whispered, "you didn't deserve that."

Tony felt that annoying lump rise up again in his throat and had to look away, he could handle
having breakdowns with Gibbs but he refused to do it around anyone else.

"I know, Abby," he said his voice hitching a little, "it sucks."

She gave him another one of her "Abby hugs" as he liked to call them and he let her do it,
thankful that while she may have been upset she didn't pity him.

"They'll go away for a long time, I promise. And even if they don't Ziva and Bossman will get
them and that'll be worse for them than going to jail."

"Damn straight."

Tony turned around to see Gibbs walk into Abby's lab with a fresh cup of coffee. He gave him
a small smile and disentangled himself from Abby.

"Sorry, Gibbs, I'll have to remember Tony's off-limits, no more manhandling him anymore,"
she said with a sad sigh. Tony blushed at her comment causing her to squeal happily.

"You blushed, that's so cute!"

This only served to make Tony blush harder to Gibbs amusement.

"He always seems to be blushing nowadays," he said with a smirk causing Tony to glare at
him.

"Shut up."

Gibbs pulled Tony away from Abby and pressed a quick kiss to the side of his head causing
further blushing from Tony and further squealing from Abby.

"You guys are too cute," she said smiling. "I'm happy for both of you."

Tony gave her such a genuine smile that it almost made her want to cry. It was horrible to
know what had happened to him but she was glad he had Gibbs to help him through it all. She
hoped he would learn that the rest of them wanted to help too.

"Thanks, Abby, that means a lot," Tony said softly with a glance up at Gibbs.

"We will get them," she said firmly, "they won't get away."

"I know you will, Abs."

Gibbs was pleased by how Abby was handling Tony, it was apparent that she had been crying
but he could tell that Tony wasn't uncomfortable or upset so she hadn't made him feel weak or
pathetic or any other word that the younger man sometimes described himself with.

"You get anything else, Abby?" he asked softly.

"Not yet, but I will. I promise."

"Good girl. Come on, Tony, we've gotta head back up now."

He noted the flash of nervousness that appeared in Tony's eyes. He could see Tony was
worried about seeing McGee and Ziva especially knowing that they had seen the video. Abby
and Tony had been close before everything so it was easier for him to accept that she didn't
think any worse of him than it was for the others. But he also knew that Tony was trying his
best to let them all in and that was what was important, eventually he'd understand. Fully
understand. Tony was starting to realize how much the team cared for him and now that
everyone had an idea of how deep his insecurities ran they were going to make it much more
clear to him from now on.

Chapter 25

Tony waited until it was midday before deciding that he would talk to McGee. Ziva had acted
completely fine around him if he hadn't known better he wouldn't have known that she knew
anything about what had happened to him as a child. However McGee was another story. The
youngest agent seemed to be at war with himself over his emotions. Tony could see anger in
his eyes but he could also see that he was confused and worried and as a result he had been
acting skittish around him all morning.

"Come on, Probie," he said walking over and standing at McGee's desk. "Let's get lunch."

Tony could see the hesitation in McGee's eyes as he hesitated to answer.

"Um, look I'm kinda busy right now, can we take a raincheck?"

It was painfully obvious to Tony that McGee had no idea how to act and didn't really want to
be in a situation where he would have to talk to him. But Tony had had enough of McGee's
unsubtle looks at him all morning and needed to put a stop to it. He should have known it had
been too easy so far, Abby had been supportive but not overwhelming or pitying and Ziva
hadn't acknowledged anything so far. The one time he had run into Ducky that day had been
fine, the older man had simply offered his support and said he was there if he wanted to talk.
Tony had actually been thinking about talking to Ducky, he knew Gibbs wanted him to talk
someone professional but he thought Ducky would do. Besides once the director knew he
reckoned enough people would know about everything.

Gibbs had been great about everything from the beginning and Tony was grateful everyday
that he had opened up to the older man. Gibbs had made talking about it and letting other
people know so much easier than Tony had ever hoped it could be. However Gibbs couldn't
control people's reactions and right now it fell to him to try and put McGee at ease. He had
seen how angry the other man had gotten on his behalf so he was aware that McGee wasn't
angry at him however it was painstakingly obvious that the younger agent was very unsure of
how he should be acting right now.

"I don't care. We're getting lunch."

"Tony, really I can't," McGee stuttered out flushing under Tony's gaze.

"McGee!" Gibbs barked out "go, whatever it is you're doing it can wait."

Tony shot Gibbs a grateful look before turning back to McGee. "Come on, don't look so
nervous. You pick where we eat it's on me."

McGee sighed and stood up, he wasn't stupid. He knew exactly why Tony wanted to have
lunch. He knew he had been avoiding the other man and acting oddly. He had honestly
thought he could control his emotions better but it turns out he was wrong. Every time he
looked at Tony he thought of the twelve year old kid whom he had seen on that video. It was
too hard to act normal around him when all he could think about was that the happy,
enthusiastic man he had known had actually been raped when he was only twelve. He couldn't
help think about what else he might not know about Tony. He certainly hadn't known what
was going on between Tony and Gibbs that's for sure, he didn't know what Tony was thinking
getting together with Gibbs but if it made him happy then he was happy for him. But he didn't
know how to tell Tony any of this without sounding stupid, the same way that that he didn't
know how to tell Tony how angry and sorry he was. He didn't want to make things worse for
him.

They walked in awkward silence to the café where they usually grabbed lunch from. The
quickly placed their orders and as their waitress walked away Tony moved his gaze onto
McGee.

"What's up?" he asked McGee quietly.

He wanted to give the younger man a chance to talk to him without him pushing. It was funny
that now he was the one trying to get someone to open up, recently it had just been him
spilling his guts all the time. It would have been a nice change except for the fact he was still
a little nervous about what McGee was going to say. It was a lot easier for him to accept now
that no one was going to think it was his fault or anything like that but he really didn't want to
the recipient of pity and right now that's what he was worried he would get from McGee. Not
to mention he was worried about what the younger man would think about him and Gibbs, he
must know, he was a good agent and would have picked up on what was going on between
them by their actions yesterday.

Abby had been happy for them but Ducky and Ziva had yet to mention it so he had no idea
what they thought on the matter although Ducky would probably give Gibbs his opinion on
their relationship rather than him. He wasn't sure how Ziva was going to be, they had always
had a flirtatious relationship but they had both known that they were always going to be just
friends but he wasn't sure how their dynamic would change now that she knew he was with
Gibbs. She would probably be a little worried about flirting with him when she knew Gibbs was
dating him he thought. But it wasn't Ziva or Ducky he needed to be worrying about right now,
it was McGee.

The younger agent was looking away, his forehead creased as he tried to work out what to
say.

"Hey, Probie, relax, just tell me what's on your mind."

"I don't even know where to begin, Tony" McGee said nervously. And he really didn't. He
didn't want to start talking about yesterday if he wasn't sure Tony was comfortable with it,
though he didn't know how Tony could ever be comfortable talking about it.

"I know you want to talk about yesterday, Tim. It's alright I'm not going to break down or
anything like that."

"I wouldn't care if you did," McGee said earnestly then backtracked "I mean I would cause
you'd be upset and all but, uh, I just meant that I wouldn't blame you or anything like that. I'd
probably be having all sorts of breakdowns if I was you," he finished lamely.

Tony chucked wryly "Trust me, McGee, I have been having plenty of breakdowns, you just
haven't witnessed any."

"But Gibbs has?" McGee guessed.

Tony gave him a sharp look, "Yeah, he has. Is that going to be a problem, Tim, me and
Gibbs?"

"No! I didn't mean it in a bad way or anything. I'm glad you've got someone you can trust
although I really don't understand that it's Gibbs."

Tony relaxed and gave him a genuine smile, "I don't think you ever will. I don't even
understand it myself most days; I just know that he's there when I need him."

McGee nodded. He could understand that. He couldn't understand getting all loved up with
Gibbs but he knew that under Gibbs' surly exterior the man cared for his people and Tony
especially. There was no way that Gibbs was going to let Tony go through this on his own.

"But I don't think Gibbs is what you really want to talk about is it?" Tony continued his gaze
sharpening again.

"No, it's not" McGee sighed. "But I don't know what I'm supposed to say."

Tony could see that McGee was being honest, he could practically see the confusion radiating
off the younger man.

"Just tell me what you're thinking. I'm not going to get angry or upset."

Well he hoped he wouldn't anyway. As long as McGee didn't want him to recount everything or
talk for hours about his Father he would be fine and he doubted that's what McGee wanted
him to do anyway.

"Well, I'm sorry to start with," McGee began cautiously, "about everything that happened."

Tony nodded and indicated for him to continue.

"And I just want you to know that I can make it so that none of them even existed. There
would be no proof that they were even born…" he drifted off. He wasn't sure if his attempt at
reassuring Tony would be appreciated but when Tony gave him one of his small but genuine
smiles he knew that it was.

There was one thing that he wanted to know but he wasn't sure about asking, he didn't want
to offend Tony or upset him at all. Tony seemed to sense his hesitation surprising him again at
how well he could read people.

"Keep going."

"Well, um, it's just," he paused trying to figure out how to word what was going on inside his
head. "Were you ever going to tell us? About any of it?"

Tony leant back in his chair. He was relived that so far he hadn't been pushed to talk about
that actual incident itself and he hadn't seen McGee staring at him with pity so far but he
wasn't quite sure how to answer McGee's question. It was obvious that McGee wanted to know
if he trusted them but the blatant truth was that he hadn't. He hadn't trusted them enough to
tell them but then again he had barely trusted Gibbs enough. It had only been his Father's
arrival in D.C that had resulted in Gibbs finding out anything was wrong and eventually about
Maui. That was one thing he could be grateful for from his father for he supposed.

"No. I wasn't," Tony said bluntly. "But I wasn't planning on telling Gibbs any of it either."

McGee was surprised by that, it had seemed like Tony was very comfortable with Gibbs
knowing from the way he was acting yesterday. It hadn't seemed like Gibbs had forced him
into talking. It also hadn't seemed like Gibbs had forced Tony into telling them either.

"Why did you then?"

"My father showed up and I found out about how he was involved in Maui," Tony said roughly,
the pain from that memory evident in his voice. "Gibbs picked up on it and I pretty much
spilled my guts when he came around."

"Oh," was all McGee could come up with. He didn't want to push Tony about trusting them
when it had taken that much for him to tell Gibbs, someone whom Tony trusted a lot more
than he did him.

"But after being with Gibbs for a while I realized I did want you all to know. At first I thought
you might judge me and think I deserved it or that I was weak, stuff like that…"

"How could you think that?" McGee interrupted.

"Tim, wait let me finish, alright?"

"Sorry," McGee said abashed, he knew he should let Tony continue uninterrupted if he wanted
answers.

"But I had thought the same about Gibbs before he knew and it took a lot of convincing on his
part to convince me I was wrong about him and everyone else. It wasn't anything any of you
had done; it was hard to believe that anyone would be accepting of it when at the time my
own father hadn't believed me."

"You know we don't think that your anything like what you thought we would now, don't you?"
McGee asked quietly. He hated that Tony had spent all these years working with him thinking
that he would have though him weak and pathetic if he'd told him. But it was understandable
that Tony had trust issues now that he knew that Tony's father hadn't believed him and then
Tony finding out that he knew all along. That he had been involved.

"Yeah, McGee, I know. It took a while but I get it now. I've stopped blaming myself and I've
quit that self deprecation shit I put myself through."

"Alright."

"We're good? Twenty questions over now?" Tony asked with a slight grin.

McGee returned it, "Yeah, we're good. But, Tony, if I'm ever being an ass again or I ask
something you don't want to answer then you have my permission to head slap me."

That got a full blown laugh out of Tony which made any future head slaps he might receive in
the future worthwhile.

"I won't head slap you, McGee," Tony said with a sly grin "I'll get Gibbs to do it."

"You wouldn't dare," McGee said exaggerating the horrified expression on his face.

"Sure I would, there's gotta be some perks with sleeping with the Boss."

McGee couldn't stop himself from blushing at that. It was one thing to know that Tony and
Gibbs were dating; it was another to imagine them sleeping together.

"Too much information, Tony," he said weakly.

Tony laughed at him looking pleased with himself. McGee knew now that Tony had enough
ammunition to keep him stuttering and blushing for quite a while.

They finished lunch quickly the conversation now flowing easily between them, any traces of
the mornings awkwardness gone, something which Tony was hugely grateful for.

He was pleased at how smoothly lunch had gone he thought as they walked back to the office.
There had been little spoken about the actual incident in Maui but Tony knew that he had
McGee's support and he was glad that the younger agent knew that he did trust them; it just
would have taken a while for them to trust him with that.

The rest of the afternoon breezed by and Tony was much more relaxed than he had ever been
before. It was nice to know that he wasn't hiding this massive part of himself from the team
any more, that he could fully trust them and it amused him to think that his father had sent
him that video in hopes of hurting him. If anything that video had helped him, it gave them
the evidence they needed to find the men in Maui as well as being the catalyst to the team
finding out. In a way he was glad that he had been forced to let the team know about him
rather than having to wait until he was ready, he knew that he would have kept putting it off
and making excuses, something which the team didn't deserve.

He glanced up as he saw Gibbs come down from Vance's office, the expression on his face
unreadable. Tony hoped that was a good thing, he was sure that if talking to Vance had gone
badly that Gibbs wouldn't have been as calm as he appeared now.

"We've got the rest of the afternoon off," Gibbs said picking up his gear and walking towards
the elevator. "You coming, DiNozzo," he yelled over his shoulder.

Tony watched him surprised before he quickly packed up his stuff and ran after Gibbs meeting
him at the elevator.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"Better than I thought. Abby called me when you were out for lunch, turns out one of those
men, Zachary Archer his name is, is navy so we actually have jurisdiction."

It was weird hearing a name for one of the men; they had always been nameless, faceless
facets of his nightmares. It was strange and unsettling that now they were becoming real
people.

"So we get the case," he said making a face, he didn't like referring to himself as a case even
though technically he was one now.

"You don't," Gibbs said softly as they stepped into the elevator.

"Yeah, I didn't think I would. What am I supposed to do?" He didn't like the idea of sitting
around doing nothing while everyone else was working his case.

"Cold cases if you want. We won't shut you out, Tony," Gibbs said softly. "I can't go and let
you do an interrogation or anything like that but if you want to go over stuff with any of us
you can, I don't give a damn what Vance says about it."

"Can I watch the interrogation?"

Gibbs hesitated. He wasn't sure that was a good idea but then Tony had every right to hear
what each one of those men had to say about what they'd done and to see them go down.

"In observation. And only if someone's with you."

Tony nodded. That was fine by him; he knew there was no way he could be in the same room
as any of those men without loosing it. And he'd had enough of loosing it recently to last him a
life time.

"How'd it go with McGee?" Gibbs asked as they stepped out into the garage.

"Good, he was just worried about trust and all that but I talked it out with him and we're fine
now. Your place tonight?"

"If you want."

"I do." He wanted a nice quiet night and sitting on the stairs while Gibbs worked on the boat
sounded perfect right now.

"Alright, I'll see you soon?" Gibbs questioned.

"Yeah, I'll come straight round, I've got a bag packed in the car."

Gibbs nodded pleased, "See you soon then."

"Yup, looking forward to it," Tony said with a small smile. He really was looking forward to this
evening, he hadn't had a chance to talk to the other man all day and right now he just wanted
to hang out and relax with him.

He chucked his bag into the passenger seat of the car and got in before heading off to Gibbs'.
It had been a lot easier than he thought it would be to do what Gibbs had said and accept his
memories rather than fight them. Today had been the perfect example of that, when he was
talking to McGee he was thinking about Maui and what had happened but be hadn't let them
control him and dictate his emotions. He had left them, talked through what he had wanted to
with McGee and they'd disappeared. It gave him a lot of hope to know that while he would
always remember what had happened in Maui it wouldn't dictate how he was for the rest of his
life.

Chapter 26

Tony wasn't quite sure what had just happened. One minute he was on the road on his way to
Gibbs' house and the next his car was spinning of the road and down a small bank into a
bunch of trees. He saw stars as his head smashed against the side of the window and he felt
the familiar feeling of warm blood dripping down his face. He sat there in stunned silence as
everything around him spun; it took him several minutes before it crossed his mind to call
Gibbs. He fumbled as he tried to grab his phone out of his pocket but he eventually
succeeded. He winced as he accidentally moved his head, a feeling of intense nausea rising
within him but he pushed it down and hit the speed dial for Gibbs.

"Tony?' Gibbs voice answered sounding slightly concerned as well as confused, "you alright?"

"No," Tony replied, not noticing how his voice slurred "I think I crashed."

"Shit," Gibbs swore angrily, "where are you?"

Tony didn't register what Gibbs had just asked him. Everything was spinning and his head was
throbbing. The last thing he heard before everything went black was Gibbs' voice yelling at
him through the phone.

Gibbs felt his heart pound as he heard the beeping of his phone indicating that their call had
ended. He had no idea what had happened but his gut had a good feeling about who was
behind it. He had only just arrived home when he got Tony's phone call but as soon as he
heard Tony had crashed he had gotten straight back in his car.

He pulled out of his drive way dialing McGee's number as he did so.

"Boss?" McGee's voice answered.

"I need you to get to the office and trace Tony's cell now," he barked into the phone.

"I can do that from home, Boss, give me five minutes. What's going on?"

"Call me when you've got it," Gibbs replied hanging up. He didn't have time to tell McGee what
was going on he needed to get to Tony. He heard how sluggish Tony had sounded over the
phone which indicated that he'd hit his head which coincided with the idea of him being in a
crash. The thing that bothered Gibbs was that the route Tony normally took to his house was
a safe road and Tony was a careful driver, it didn't seem likely that he would have crashed
without some other factor being involved.

Gibbs knew the route that Tony normally took to get to his house and headed that way as he
waited for McGee to phone back with his location. Right now his gut was screaming at him to
hurry up, that something was wrong and deep down he knew it was right. Gibbs knew that he
could never forgive himself if something happened to Tony, especially if it was again at his
father's hands. He had promised to protect the younger man, to keep him safe from his father
and right now it was looking like he failed Tony miserably.

He started slightly as his cell rung but he quickly answered.

"Where is he?"

McGee rattled off the street name, one that Gibbs knew was on the route that Tony took to his
house and pushed his foot harder on the accelerator.

"Get Ziva and Ducky there now. I'm already on my way."

"Boss, what's going on?" McGee asked again.

"Tony's been in an accident. He phoned me, sounded like he hit his head."

"Is his father involved?" McGee asked quietly.

"I don't know" he said hanging up again.

It took Gibbs another five minutes until he reached the area where Tony should be. He
scanned the road quickly, noting the lack of houses and people, before he spotted the skid
marks. He got out of his car and raced over his heart sinking as he saw Tony's car at the
bottom of the bank.

Gibbs ran down the bank stopping as he reached Tony's car and felt his blood run cold when
he realized that there was no sign of Tony. He saw the blood on the window and Tony's cell on
the seat but no Tony.

"Fuck," he yelled desperately. He didn't think he had been this scared in what seemed like
forever. The thought that Tony could be dead or worse, unconscious at the hands of his father
chilled him to the core. Everything had been going so well until DiNozzo senior came along and
fucked everything up. Right now he didn't think that he would be able to stop himself from
putting a bullet in the other man's skull when he found him. And it was "when" not "if", there
was no way that he was going to let Tony's father get away with Tony. Tony was his
responsibility and he'd screwed up but he was going to fix it. He knew he shouldn't have let
Tony be by himself even if it was just to drive to his house. Not when his father was obviously
after him but he would get Tony back and then he'd make sure that there was no way in hell
that Tony's father could ever come near him again.

Tony came to consciousness to the feel of someone slapping his face hard. His eyes shot open
which instantly caused pain to shoot into his skull forcing them shut again. He tried to moved
away but he quickly realized that he was bound tightly, both his arms and feet tied together.
He could already feel the rope rubbing his skin raw.

He instinctively tried to move back again as he felt fingers slide down his face followed by a
low chuckle.

"The old man was right, you are a pretty one, ain’t you?"

Tony felt like he had been doused in iced water, the fear seeping through to his very core. He
forced himself to open his eyes regardless of the pain in his head. Vision returned to him in
the form of a thickly built man with sandy hair and cold eyes smirking at him. He could clearly
see the desire and lust directed at him and tried again to scoot backwards but only succeeded
in backing himself up against the concrete wall.

His captor laughed again and reached over stroking his face again.

"Now don't waste your energy. You aint going anywhere."

"Stay the fuck away from me," Tony spat out wincing as his voice resonated in his ears.

"No, I don't think I will. You're gonna need to be broken in before I let any of my usual clients
use you but don't worry I'll be happy to do the honors. You're a pretty boy but no ones gonna
want to fuck you act up like this."

"I don't want anyone to fuck me," Tony whispered panicked. There was no way he could
survive if he was raped again, he would rather be dead. He pulled at his bindings harder but
only succeeded in rubbing his wrists and ankles raw.

His breathing quickened as the man rubbed his hand down his chest down to grab at his
crotch.

"That's not what I've heard, apparently you like this sort of stuff. I bet you'll love it when I
take you, you'll be begging for more."

He kept fondling and touching as he spoke and Tony let out a small whimper as he felt his
body respond to the stimulation. He bit his lip and looked away trying not to satisfy the other
man by letting on just how terrified he was.

"Stop," he whispered as he hardened more under the man's touch. He couldn't stand it if he
was made to come. Logically he knew his body would respond to stimulation regardless if he
wanted it or not but right now that didn't mean shit. He felt dirty like he was enjoying what
was happening and that would only be amplified if he was made to shoot his load in his pants.

"It doesn't really feel like you want me to," the man chuckled cruelly smirking as he grabbed
him harder. "But you're right, business before pleasure. I've got some things I want sorted, I'll
come and take care of you later."

With that the man let go and left the room leaving Tony alone. He forced back a sob but he
couldn't keep it there. He let his head drop to his chest as the tears he had tried to hold back
began to fall. Not even the thought of Gibbs looking for him was enough to ease his fear.
Gibbs would be looking for him but right now Tony didn't know if he would find him before or
after this man raped him.

Gibbs had already put up with so much from him; he was messed up enough as it is he hated
to think what he would be like if something like this happened now. He knew Gibbs loved him
but people can only take so much and he didn't know how much more Gibbs could take. The
older man had been putting him back together after finding out about Maui, right now he was
fractured but he was healing. If this man went through with his threat then he wouldn't just be
damaged he would be broken and he wasn't sure that even Gibbs could fix him.

Chapter 27

Gibbs couldn't bring himself to go home. There was no way that he would be able to sleep
knowing that Tony was out there hurt and he couldn't help. He wasn't the only one who
wouldn't go home, both McGee and Ziva were still chasing up any possible leads while Abby
was going over Tony's car again trying to find anything that would indicate who had taken
Tony.

So far everything had turned up blank. McGee had looked up where Tony's father had sent the
email from but it had turned out to be an internet café and DiNozzo Senior had only gone in
for five minutes. Ziva had been looking up any business associates but they had all been
clean. It was becoming clear that DiNozzo Senior had been working outside of his business
and any associates that he had played no part in his work life.

It had been six hours since Gibbs had received Tony's call. Gibbs knew how much damage
could be inflicted on a person in that amount of time, how a person could be broken in less.
He stood up abruptly forcing those thoughts out of his mind, it wouldn't do Tony any good to
have him here sitting thinking about what could be happening when Tony was actually living
it.

He stalked out of the bullpen ignoring Ziva and McGee's questioning glances and took the
stairs down to Abby's lab. The first thing he noticed as he walked in was the silence, her
normal loud rock music absent from the lab. The second was Abby herself sitting forlornly at
her computer with a photo of Tony grinning tacked up on the edge of the screen.

"Tell me we're going to find him," she whispered.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to him dropping a kiss to the
top of her head. "We're going to find him," he said obligingly but he meant it. They would find
Tony and he would do whatever it took to make sure the younger man recovered from
whatever his father had planned from him.

He felt Abby shake as silent sobs wracked her body. Tony was only just realizing how much
everyone cared for him but he had known for a long time. McGee looked up to Tony, he may
get annoyed at the teasing and pranks but deep down the youngest agent knew that Tony was
helping him. He had never been too sure about Tony and Ziva, at first he thought they had
something going on but now he knew their relationship was purely platonic. Sometimes it
seemed like they were friends and other times, when they were bickering and sniping at each
other it was almost like brother and sister.

Not many people knew how close Tony and Abby were, it had taken him a while to catch on to
it. They were each others best friend; even though Tony couldn't tell her much about himself
he still told her more than most. It had been hard on her to realize that Tony had been hiding
so much of himself and then to find out why but she had been dealing. However right now she
wasn't, it was too much to have Tony taken and knowing Abby she was probably having
similar thoughts to his earlier which wouldn't help.

Gibbs knew nothing he could say would make her feel any better but he still tried his best to
console her.

"I promise we'll get him, Abby. We'll find him and catch the bastards who took him."

"What if we don't get to him in time?" she asked, her voice muffled.

Gibbs really didn't want to think about that. Tony had found it hard enough to trust everyone
the first time, if something similar happened he had no idea how the younger man would
react. It was very possible considering his previous trust issues that he would think they had
abandoned him, that they didn't care. However Gibbs had seen the progress that Tony had
been making and he knew Tony knew he loved him. He could only hope that thought was
enough to help the other man survive what was coming.

"We'll deal with that if it happens, we will fix him no matter how bad it gets."

Abby nodded against his chest before pulling away and wiping her eyes.

"I couldn't find anything off the car. I'm still running DNA on the blood but it looks like it has
to be Tony's. I also dusted for finger prints, most of them are Tony's but there's some that
aren't his. I'm running them against all of us and then I'll check everywhere else."

"Mine will definitely be there," he said quietly.

"Me too."

Gibbs hated this. He hated just waiting around for some technological machine to tell him who
had taken Tony, if it could find anything at all. He wanted to be out there himself looking for
him. He knew that there was nothing that he could do and that's what bothered him the most.
That he was sitting here on his ass doing nothing while Tony was out there waiting for him to
find him.

It was freezing. Tony had no idea how long he had been sitting down in the warehouse for but
it seemed like forever. He had drifted in and out of consciousness, preferring the latter. When
he was unconscious he didn't notice the pain in his head or the chafing of the rope on his
wrists and ankles. When he was unconscious he didn't have the fear running through him, he
didn't have to worry about what would happen to him.

The cold was slowly seeping past through his shirt and into his skin causing his body to shake
and his teeth to chatter. He wished it wasn't winter, he wished he wasn't here but most of all
he wished he was with Gibbs. Tony knew exactly what was going to happen to him if Gibbs
didn't find him soon and the thought of that made him shake more than the cold did. It may
have felt like he had been down here forever but at least it was forever by himself. He hadn't
seen any sign of his captor since he had left previously but he knew it was too much to hope
that he had forgotten about him.

His wrists and ankles stung each time a shiver wracked his body causing him to wince in pain.
He had tried again to loosen them but they wouldn't budge, he only succeeded in creating
more pain for himself. Right now even the pain and cold he was feeling wasn't enough to
distract him from the thoughts of what was coming. He had understood perfectly what the
other man meant, how he had to be broken in before other people used him. They wanted to
whore him out, but they wanted him to be willing. To be calm and pliant and let strangers use
him so that his father and captor could get paid.

He hadn't seen his father yet but he knew damn well he was behind it; he had already pulled
the same stunt before. Only this time it would be worse. They wouldn't drug him; they would
make him feel every second of it. He could see it in the other man's eyes earlier, he wanted to
cause pain, and he got off on it.

Tony started slightly as he heard someone walk past the door into the warehouse. He could
hear indistinguishable voices outside and he hoped like hell that it would be Gibbs or anyone
that wasn't his father or captor. But he knew that was too much to hope for. He tried to
shuffle across the floor into the corner but he was bound so tightly that it was a very slow

process. The warehouse was empty and there was nowhere for him to hide, wherever he went
he would be spotted instantly. But he still felt like he was doing something to prevent what
was going to happen if he tried to move.

He felt his heart rate increase when the door opened, letting a blast of cold air into the room
making him shiver even more. He couldn't see who had entered but he knew by now it wasn't
anyone good.

He winced as light flooded the room causing his head to throb again. He knew by now that he
had a concussion and he had steadily been fighting off the nausea but it was becoming harder
and harder and now accompanied with the utter terror that was coursing through his body it
was damn near impossible.

He quickly rolled to his side closing his eyes and retched, forcing out what little food he had
left in his stomach. The smell of vomit accompanied by the acidic feeling in his throat
combined to make him feel much worse than he had before. The laughter that echoed around
the room served to amplify that even more.

Tony shakily rolled over and used the wall to help him get into a sitting position. He opened
his eyes squinting as he tried to focus on the person standing in front of him. He felt his blood
run cold when the room stopped spinning and he found himself staring into the eyes of his
father.

The sheer pleasure in his father's eyes made him feel sick. He couldn't understand how his
own father could get so much joy out of his misery, his pain. He had never seen his father
look like this before, he had seen him drunk, seen him angry but he had never seen the sheer
malice and hatred that he saw in his eyes now.

He flinched as his father moved closer towards him, hoping that he wouldn't try anything.

His father stopped and laughed again.

"Do you honestly think I would touch you like that? That's disgusting."

Tony felt both relief and pain at his father's words. His father had never touched him, he never
hugged him, never patted him on the back. As a child his father had seemed to avoid him like
the plague. That was why it meant to much whenever Gibbs head slapped him, it showed he
cared. Indifference was the worst feeling, knowing that someone didn't give a shit whether he
lived or died. It was made worse by the fact that it was his own father who didn't give a shit.

Only know it didn't seem like his father was indifferent any more. Now it seemed like he felt
some emotion towards him even though it was blatant hatred. He had no idea what he had
done to make his father hate him that much, even after Maui his father hadn't acted like he
hated him. He had pulled away further showing that he didn't care about what had happened,
though at the time Tony thought that he hadn't believed him as opposed to being involved.

"What do you want?" he choked out.

"That's none of your concern. All you need to know is you better do exactly as Jared tells you
to or else however bad you think this is going to get, it will be worse."

Tony just turned his head away. There as no way in hell he was going to co-operate with his
father or Jared. He assumed Jared was the man from earlier, at least he hoped it was. He
really didn't want there to be more people involved in whatever twisted operation his father
was running.

He felt his head snap back and hit the wall causing his to cry out in pain as his father's fist
collided with the side of his face. The pain in his head was unbearable and he could feel
consciousness fading fast. Before it did his father grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him
close.

"You listen to me, you filthy slut, I know damn well you like this sort of shit so you are gonna
sit there and take it. You can make me a lot of money so you can forget about leaving. You
can also forget about for little boyfriend finding you, there's no way he'd waste his time
looking for someone as pathetic as you."

Tony tried to ignore the words pouring out of his father's mouth but it was hard. He hurt so
much and he was tired and that made everything his father said hurt that much more. He felt
himself be dropped back to the ground and embraced the welcoming blackness that followed.

Gibbs was half asleep at his desk when his phone rung startling him awake.

"Gibbs."

"Gibbs!" Abby's voice yelled through the phone "I got a hit on some of the finger prints on
Tony's car."

He slammed the phone down and yelled at Ziva and McGee.

"Abby's got something."

It took all his willpower not to break down and sprint to Abby's lab but he controlled himself.
He needed to make sure that he was able to act as an investigator and not let his feelings for
Tony and his father cloud his judgment or he could miss something. And he couldn't afford to
miss anything, not when Tony's wellbeing was at stake.

They walked into the lab and Gibbs was almost bowled over by Abby as she rushed to greet
him.

"His name's Jared Walker and he's got two drug convictions. He got out on parole four months
ago."

Abby pulled up his picture. Gibbs took a good look at the man; he was thirty-five with sandy
hair and a menacing face. He looked and sounded exactly like the kind of person who could be
persuaded to do something stupid even if it involved kidnapping a federal agent.

"McGee, pull up everything you can on him. Where he lives, phone number everything. I want
to know what he's been doing, where he's been going and who he's been seeing" he barked
out.

McGee nodded his face set and left.

"What should I do?" she asked quietly.

"Help McGee, get his car details and put out a warrant for his arrest."

Ziva left and he turned back to Abby.

"That's good work, Abs."

"Make sure you get him, Gibbs. He can't get away."

"He won't," Gibbs said. There was no way in hell he was letting this bastard go. He didn't care
how involved he was in whatever Tony's father was planning he was going to make sure he
got what was coming to him.

Chapter 28

The loud slamming of a door eased Tony into consciousness. He rolled to his side fighting off
the nausea as the light slammed full force into his skull. He eventually fought it off and pulled
himself up into a sitting position breathing heavily. For the first time in his life he found
himself actually wanting to take the painkillers he knew would have usually been offered to
him after a concussion. Right now he didn't care how loopy or stupid they made him; he just
wanted the pain in his head to stop.

He tried to move his head slowly to see if anyone had entered the warehouse or if they had
left. Unfortunately for him it was the former. He felt his heart rate increase as the man he
assumed was Jared walked towards him.

"Bout time you woke up," Jared spat out at him.

Tony tried to hold himself still as the other man approached he didn't think he would be able
to keep the nausea at bay if he tried to scramble away. He tugged gently at his bindings again
hoping that they may have loosened but they were as tight as ever.

He flinched as Jared ran his fingers over his face, pausing slightly at his mouth before moving
down to his chest.

"Fuck off," he said scooting away from the other man's hand.

He wasn't prepared for it when Jared grabbed him by his shirt and hauled him up to his knees.

"I've been patient so far with you but you act out one more time and I'm going to make you
regret it."

Tony knew he really should keep his mouth shut, that talking back would only serve to
aggravate Jared further but he had never been able to control what came out of his mouth. He
also knew that there was no way in hell he was going to sit there and let Jared do whatever
the hell he liked to him.

He stared up defiantly at Jared, "I said fuck off."

Jared just smirked at him and bent down and whispered in his ear, "I am really going to enjoy
breaking you."

Jared pushed Tony back down until he was lying flat on the concrete floor. Tony felt the fear
rise within him, he was defenseless and exposed. He knew if Jared wanted to rape him he
wouldn't be able to stop him. Right now even just being pushed around caused his vision to
blur and nausea to rise, there was no way he could fight off an uninjured man who was a good
twenty pounds heavier than he was.

He felt his breathing increase as Jared straddled him, grinding his obvious arousal into Tony's
groin. He couldn't stop the small whimper that escaped as Jared continued to grind into him.

"That's it make all the noise you want. No one's gonna hear you when you scream."

He struggled harder as he felt Jared rip at his shirt and rub his hands over his chest, pulling
roughly at his nipples. His mind was racing; he couldn't concentrate on anything all he could
feel was Jared's hands roaming his chest and Jared grinding into him. Everything was too

much, the room was spinning and he couldn't control his breathing. He was taking great
gasping breaths trying to calm himself but not succeeding.

Jared laughed coldly in his ear before scooting backwards and unbuckling his belt and yanking
his trousers and underwear down.

He gasped as the cold air hit him and struggled harder when he felt Jared grab his flaccid cock
and tried to pull away from the hands groping him.

"Stop," he gasped, "stop, please stop." He didn't care that he was begging. All he knew was
he had to get him to stop, he had to get his hands off of him.

Jared didn't stop. Tony could feel his hand move lower towards his hole before he roughly
shoved one finger in. Tony cried out in pain, his body instinctively clenching at the invasion.

"That's it, god, you're tight. I'm going enjoy fucking your tight ass."

Tony couldn't stop the tears from escaping as he struggled harder. This was too much; all
thoughts of Gibbs coming to get him were gone from his mind, all he felt was sheer terror.
Right now he would have done anything for it to stop but he knew it wouldn't. It was going to
get worse.

The images and feelings from Maui were flashing through his mind and for a moment it wasn't
Jared on top of him but the men from Maui. Right now he wasn't Tony DiNozzo NCIS agent;
he was Tony DiNozzo the twelve year old kid who never got a chance to fight back.

He stopped fighting as the memories overtook him, he didn't even notice when Jared roughly
shoved a second then third finger inside him. He didn't notice how he was tearing due to the
fingers being jammed inside his body without any lubrication easing the way. He just lay there
stuck in his own memories while Jared continued molesting his body.

Jared relished the lack of fighting. "That's it; I knew you'd just give up and take it. You're
mine now and I'm going to enjoy fucking you whenever I want. No one's gonna bother looking
for you so you might as well give up on that now. They don't give shit."

"*I* damn well give a shit!" a voice yelled before a single shot rang out.

Gibbs didn't even think about the repercussions of killing Jared he just pulled the trigger
sending the bullet straight into the back of his skull. He couldn't believe how relieved he had
been when McGee found out that Jared had rented a warehouse; he knew that would be
where Tony was. However right now any relief he had felt was gone and all he could think
about was Tony.

He rushed over and pulled Jared's body off of Tony's feeling sick as he saw the blood on the
inside of Tony's thighs and Jared's hands. He yanked Tony's pants up trying to restore some
sense of privacy for the younger man but he doubted that it made much of a difference. He
was too late; he hadn't got there in time.

The only guilt Gibbs had ever felt that rivaled what he was feeling now was when Kelly and
Shannon had died. He had failed them and now he had failed Tony. He had promised that his
father wouldn't get him, that he wouldn't be hurt again but he had let Tony down.

Tony's eyes were still shut and his breathing harsh and fast. Gibbs brushed a hand over his
forehead noticing how his skin was cold and clammy.

"McGee, call the ambulance," he said tersely before focusing again on Tony. '"Hey, Tony, it's
alright, it's over. We're here now."

Tony was still stuck in Maui, he barely noticed that Jared wasn't touching him; he could still
feel those men's hands all over him. He didn't hear Gibbs, couldn't feel him stroking his hair.
He could feel men much larger than him holding him down and forcing themselves in him. He
could hear them laughing and jeering at him. He could feel the tears running down his face;
feel his teeth biting into his lip as he tried to not give them the satisfaction of screaming.

Gibbs heard Tony let out a whimper and saw as the younger man weakly tried to move.

"Damnit," he muttered, he had forgotten how Tony was bound. He grabbed his knife and
quickly cut the ropes at Tony's ankles before raising him slightly off the ground and cutting the
rope at his wrists.

He was concerned when Tony's arms fell limply to his sides. Tony was still shaking and he was
conscious but he wasn't responding to anything around him.

"Snap out of it, Tony," he said desperately "he's gone, he won't hurt you anymore."

He held the younger man up, letting him lean against his chest. He kept murmuring in Tony's
ear trying to calm the younger man down. He noticed when Tony stopped shaking and his
breathing calmed and he sighed in relief.

"That's it, you're doing great, Tony."

Tony could feel the other men's touches start to fade and could hear Gibbs' voice but he
couldn't bring himself to believe he was actually there. But as Maui started to fade from his
mind he realized that there was no one on top of him, he was leaning against someone and he
could hear Gibbs' voice murmuring in his ear.

"Jethro?" he asked sluggishly, opening his eyes and trying to get the room to stop spinning.

Gibbs almost cried with relief when he heard Tony's voice. He had been so worried he wouldn't
get the chance to hear it again.

"Yeah, yeah, it's me."

"Head hurts," Tony mumbled.

'I know, the ambulance is on its way you're gonna be fine."

He felt as Tony relaxed and barely heard his next muttered words.

"Knew you'd find me."

Not soon enough was all Gibbs could think. He may have found him but Tony had still been
hurt, he'd still been molested again. He knew that Tony wasn't lucid right now but when he
was the past twelve hours were going to come back full force and he had no idea how Tony
would cope.

He heard the sirens as the ambulance arrived and waved his arm as the paramedics walked
into the warehouse.

"He's been hit on the head pretty bad," he said as they started to life Tony up onto a
stretcher. As soon as they grabbed Tony, he started to struggle swinging his arms out trying
to get them away.

"Tony, stop," Gibbs yelled grabbing the younger man's arms, "they're here to help you."

Tony calmed down again at the sound of Gibbs' voice. He was so confused right now; he had
no idea who else was there, where Jared had gone and where he was. All he knew was he
didn't want anyone else touching him.

"Please," whimpered. He didn't even know what he was asking for; he just wanted everything
to stop. He wanted the last twelve hours to disappear, he wanted the feel of Jared's hands off
his body and he just wanted to go home with Gibbs.

"Wanna go home."

Gibbs closed his eyes; the plaintive note in Tony's voice was almost too much to bear.

"I know, Tony, but you gotta go to hospital. I'll be with you the whole time, I promise."

"You won't leave."

"I won't leave."

Gibbs walked with the paramedics as they carried Tony out to the ambulance and loaded him
up. He was getting in when Ziva ran up to him.

"Gibbs, we've got Tony's father."

Right then he just wanted to go and beat the shit out of him, he wanted him to feel exactly
how much pain he'd put his son through but he'd made a promise to Tony.

"Take him back to NCIS, lock him in interrogation."

"Alright," she said turning around.

"And Ziva, don't kill him."

Gibbs then climbed into the ambulance and sat across from Tony. It could have been a lot
worse he thought, he may not have got there in time to stop that bastard from hurting Tony
but he got there in time to stop him from being raped and that could make all the difference in
the world. He didn't think Tony could have recovered if he had been raped again but he could
survive this. Tony was strong, he'd been fighting his whole life, and Gibbs just hoped he didn't
decide to stop fighting now.

Chapter 29

Gibbs sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair opposite Tony's hospital bed watching the younger
man's chest rise and fall. Tony had lost consciousness soon after the ambulance had left the
warehouse. They had stitched up the wound on the side of Tony's head as soon as they
arrived before examining him to see how badly torn he was after Jared's molestation.

He was exhausted but he couldn't bring himself to sleep, he wanted to be awake when Tony
woke up. Right now the younger man looked awful. His skin was ashen, blending in with the
white bandage around his head. There were dark bags under his eyes and the dark bruising on
his face contrasted fiercely with his pale complexion.

Gibbs was so absorbed in watching Tony that he didn't even notice that someone had walked
into the room until the smell of strong coffee hit him. He turned around to see Ducky in the
doorway.

"Here you go, Jethro; although I would rather you slept I doubt you will with or without
coffee."

"Thanks, Duck," he said gratefully taking a large sip. "Have you heard anything new?"

"The scans came back fine. He's just got a concussion; he'll be in pain for a while but nothing
that painkillers and sleep won't fix. As for what Jared did, he doesn't need stitches. The
psychological impact of the past twelve hours far outweighs the physical."

Gibbs sighed and turned back to the motionless figure on the bed. "How do we fix it?"

"It's not something that can just be fixed and it's not going to be easy, Jethro, but he has you
and he has the rest of the team supporting him."

Gibbs nodded but he wasn't sure it would be that simple, it had taken Tony a long time to
trust the team with even a little of himself and it had taken a lot of work on Gibbs' behalf to
get him to trust them with more. He didn't know if Tony would be able to rely on the team as
support for what had happened. Gibbs knew that Tony would rely on him, that he still trusted
him, he had seen it in his eyes when they found him but he wasn't sure if Tony could talk to
everyone else yet.

Ducky seemed to understand his hesitation, walking over and grabbing his shoulder firmly.

"Even if he won't talk to us, he will talk to you. You can help his through this, Jethro."

"He needs someone professional."

"Yes, but I don't think he could talk to a stranger now. Give him some time, he knows he has
to talk to someone so let him be the one to make the first move."

"Alright, Duck," he said quietly. Ducky squeezed his shoulder again before leaving the room
leaving him alone with Tony.

He didn't know how long he sat there watching Tony sleep before the younger man began to
wake. Tony groaned, his eyes fluttering as they slowly opened. Gibbs quickly moved closer to
the bed.

"Hey, it's alright you're at the hospital."

Tony just stared at him before sluggishly grabbing and clinging to him. He quickly wrapped his
arms tightly around the younger man holding him close

"Stay," Tony said plaintively. He didn't care how that small amount of movement caused his
head to throb and nausea to rise he just needed to be close to Gibbs.

"I'm not going anywhere."

Tony let moved out of Gibbs' embrace slightly, but grabbed his arm before moving over as far
as he could in the hospital bed and pulling Gibbs with him.

"Tony, I don't think I'll…" but he stopped at the look on Tony's face. He let the younger man
pull him onto the bed and hold on to him tightly.

"I'm sorry," Gibbs whispered.

Tony looked up at him surprised, "Why are you sorry."

"I promised I'd keep you safe."

"You got to me, Jethro. I knew you had my six, you always do."

"He still hurt you."

"I know," Tony said swallowing and looking away. He didn't want to be reminded of Jared, he
felt sick remembering the feel of his fingers on and inside him.

"What happened to him," he asked quietly.

"Dead," Gibbs said shortly.

"You shot him."

Gibbs just nodded. He didn't regret pulling the trigger at all; he just wished he could have
done it sooner. He could see the pain in Tony's eyes when he remembered Jared, and he
hated that Tony had just been moving on from all the pain he received as a child only to have
this happen.

"And my father?"

"We've got him. He's in custody."

Tony couldn't believe it was over. His father would go to jail as would the men from Maui.
Jared was dead and he was here with Gibbs. He rolled over and pushed his face into Gibbs'
shoulder trying to stop the tears he knew were going to fall.

"It's alright; you can let it out now. They can't hurt you anymore."

Tony let everything go. The anger he felt towards everything, the fear that something else
would go wrong, that he would screw up. The tears fell down his face and into Gibbs' shirt.
They weren't just tears of anger and fear, there were tears of relief. Relief that his father
finally couldn't get to him anymore, relief that it was all finally over. Everything from his past
had been dredged up and into the open and it was finally being laid to rest.

Gibbs simply held Tony tightly as he sobbed in his arms until eventually the younger man
pulled back and wiped his hand over his face. He quickly pressed a light kiss to the other
man's forehead before pulling back, as much as he wanted to kiss the other man senseless he
didn't want to overwhelm Tony. He didn't want Tony to think that he would expect everything
to go back to the way it was before Jared had taken him. He knew it would take some time
before Tony was ready to start anything remotely sexual again, but he didn't care. He was
willing to wait for as long as it took.

"You haven't seen me in over twelve hours and all I get is a kiss on the forehead?" Tony
sniffed looking at him.

Gibbs couldn't believe that there was a small spark of humor dancing in the other man's eyes.

"I didn't want to scare you or make you think I was pushing you."

Tony turned slightly, as much as he could in the small bed, and looked right at him.

"Jethro, kissing me isn't going to freak me out. I don't want you to treat me like I'm going to
break."

Gibbs sighed and nodded. "I know but it's hard. I know everything isn't going to be the same
as before."

Tony knew what Gibbs was talking about and he was right. He didn't think he would be able to
let Gibbs touch him like that for a while, right now he just knew he would flashback to Jared.
But he needed physical proof that Gibbs still wanted him, he knew that Gibbs had seen what
Jared had been doing to him and he needed to know that the other man didn't think he was
dirty or used.

"But you want to kiss me?" he asked his voice small.

Gibbs looked at Tony not sure what was going through the other mans head. It took him a
while but when he saw the look of embarrassment and shame flash across Tony's face he got
it.

"Of course I want to kiss you Tony. I want to do a lot more than kiss you. But I want to be
with you more, I'm not going to push for anything until you're ready."

"I want you to kiss me."

Gibbs checked Tony's face for any signs of hesitation before slowly leaning in closer to the
other man. He gently pressed their lips together and waited for Tony to make the next move.
He felt as Tony hesitantly licked his lower lip and he opened his mouth slightly allowing the
younger man to gently caress his tongue with his own. He kept very still throughout the kiss
and kept focused on not moving, trying not to let his body react to how good it felt to have
Tony close again.

He let Tony take control of the kiss, allowing the younger man to tentatively explore his mouth
with his tongue until eventually the need to breathe outweighed the desire for the kiss to
continue.

They pulled apart, both breathing heavily.

"Alright?" he asked Tony.

"Yeah, I'm good."

Gibbs was relieved they had ended the kiss when they had because the Doctor walked in at
that moment. He was relieved that the doctor appeared not to notice his or Tony's kiss swollen
lips, or if he did chose not to comment.

Gibbs noticed how Tony tensed up when the doctor came in the room and he looked the
younger man concerned but Tony just shook his head.

"Good evening," he said seemingly unconcerned by the two men sharing the hospital bed.
"You must be Tony."

Tony nodded, still tensed ready to run. He didn't know what the hell was wrong with him, he'd
been making out with Gibbs a second ago and now he was ready to cower in fear because
another man was near him.

"I'm Doctor Duncan. I've just looked over your scans and everything seems to be fine. You're
going to need to undergo the normal procedures that come with getting a concussion. You're
familiar with them I take it?"

Tony just nodded; he wasn't sure what would come out of his mouth if he tried to speak. Just
having the doctor near him was enough to make him flash back to when Jared roughly shoved
his fingers inside him. He could almost feel it now, the fingers ghosting over his skin, groping
him and pushing into him.

"Are you alright," Duncan asked kindly "you've gone very pale."

Tony just nodded again, he could feel Gibbs' eyes staring at him but right now he wasn't going
to make eye contact, he didn't want the older man to see how afraid he was.

Apparently Duncan had read over everything that had happened while Tony had been in the
warehouse and had enough sense to know what was wrong.

"We'll keep you here overnight and you can be discharged in the morning," was all he said
before leaving the room.

Gibbs gently turned Tony's head so he could properly look at the younger man's face. He was
surprised by the obvious terror that he could see in those green eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked concerned.

Tony let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He already felt better now that it
was just him and Gibbs again, the phantom fingers fading away.

"It's nothing, really." He didn't want Gibbs to know that he had been terrified of someone he
had never even met. Of course he knew that Gibbs wouldn't buy what he had said for a
second and would get it out of him one way or another.

"Bullshit. You're terrified." Gibbs winced when he saw Tony flush slightly and it clicked on what
had caused Tony to get so freaked out.

"Hey, you have every right to be afraid."

"I don't care!" Tony half yelled. "I don't want to feel nervous or have flashbacks every time
I'm near someone even slightly male."

"So you're nervous now?" Gibbs asked softly. He didn't want to be causing Tony to have
flashbacks of his time in Maui or with Jared.

"Why would I be nervous now?"

"Well *I* am a male, in case you hadn't noticed."

"No, you're Gibbs."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow, looking slightly amused.

Tony backtracked flushing, "Not that I think you're girly or anything like that. You're definitely
male just that ah," he paused for a second trying to think how to verbalize what was going on
in his mind. "I know without a doubt that you would never hurt me. I can't believe that of
anyone else. Not yet."

Gibbs felt overwhelmed by the amount of trust that Tony had in him, he couldn't believe how
lucky he was to still have Tony even after everything that he had gone through.

"You're amazing, you know that."

The look on Tony's face showed that he clearly didn't think that at all.

"You are the strongest person I have ever met. Even after everything you've gone through
you keep moving forward. I don't think I could have done that."

Tony blushed slightly before lying down on the bed pulling Gibbs with him.

"I've got something to work towards, something to look forward to."

"What's that?"

"I get to spend the rest of my life with you," Tony whispered blushing. The younger man
smiled happily when Gibbs gave him a chaste kiss before his smile morphed into a cheeky
grin. "And I can find out how you're gonna get the boat out of the basement."

Chapter 30

Gibbs drove much slower than he normally did as they left the hospital, something for which
Tony was extremely grateful for. He had been discharged with the instructions to be on desk
duty for a week, some painkillers for his head and cream for the tearing that had occurred as
result of Jared's molestation.

He'd spent the night curled up with Gibbs finally able to feel safe. Having Gibbs' arms wrapped
around him prevented any nightmares form occurring and he was finally able to sleep.

"We're here," Gibbs said, his voice breaking through Tony's reverie. He looked in out in front
and realized that they were in Gibbs' garage.

"We can go to your place if you'd rather?"

Tony shook his head, "Here's good."

"Alright," Gibbs said getting out of the car and opening Tony's door, helping the younger man
to his feet. "How's your head?"

"Not too bad."

"Do you want to lie down?" Gibbs asked concerned, he could still clearly see the pain in the
younger man's eyes. He knew that the pain wasn't just because of his concussion or the
physical pain that he felt as a result of Jared's actions. It was a mental pain, the pain of
knowing that his own father had been planning to whore him out. It was the pain of knowing
that someone who was supposed to love him unconditionally didn't and instead wanted to hurt
him. Gibbs knew it would take a long time to mend the mental pain that Tony was going
through but he was going to be with the younger man every step of the way.

Tony nodded before walking inside Gibbs right behind him. He had known last night that
things would get worse before they got better but that still hadn't prepared him for today.
Even though it was still pretty early in the morning, it hadn't been a good day so far.

Getting out of the hospital had been hell. Doctor Duncan it seemed had warned the other male
doctors of what had happened so there had been no male medical staff in his room when he
was getting ready for discharge. It had been when he had gotten to the hospital exit that he
started to panic. The doctor may have been able to warn the male medical staff but there was
nothing he could do about male patients and visitors. Tony knew it was completely irrational
to be scared of every male that he came into contact with, but no matter how many times he
told himself that it hadn't helped.

He had held onto Gibbs arm tightly, keeping his eyes to the floor determined not to make eye
contact with anyone. Gibbs appeared to be well aware of his rising panic and got them out of
the hospital quickly.

Tony thought it odd that only now after Jared had molested him did he develop this irrational
fear of men, excluding Gibbs of course. As horrid as he felt about what Jared had done, he
hadn't actually raped him. What had happened in Maui had been much worse and yet he
hadn't had any fear of men, he gone out and let them fuck him for god's sake. Of course he
had always had a flash of fear when someone held him too tight, or he realized he couldn't get
out of something even if he wanted to but he had always been able to fight that fear off. It
didn't seem like he could do that now.

"You alright," Gibbs asked him softly as they sat down on the bed.

"Yeah, just thinking."

"About?"

Tony sighed, it was taking him a while to get used to the whole spilling his guts and talking
about his emotions thing that he had going on with Gibbs but he was getting there.

"Everything. How I can't stop myself from panicking when I see another man."

Gibbs gently ran his fingers through Tony's hair, knowing that it helped to soothe the other
man. He didn't want Tony to feel embarrassed and weak because of how he had been reacting
around other man. He needed Tony to know that it wasn't his fault, that it was nothing to be
ashamed of and no one was going to think any less of him. The only person who was at fault
was Tony's father. Him, Jared and the men from Maui. He was just aching to get his hands on
Tony's father, to finally be able to get to the man who had caused Tony so much pain.

He knew that he wouldn't be able to punish DiNozzo Senior how he really wanted to, he had a
feeling Vance would have an aneurism if he beat the crap out of him in interrogation. That
wasn't going to stop him from telling DiNozzo Senior exactly what was going to happen to
him, how he was going to spend the rest of his life in prison. Death was too easy, he wanted
Tony's father to spend the rest of his miserable life regretting the day he had left his son in
Maui, regretting when he had made the call for Tony to be raped and then molested. He was
going to personally make sure that Tony's father spent the rest of his days paying for what he
had done. That may not be enough to satisfy the burning anger he felt deep inside, but he
doubted even holding a gun to the older DiNozzo's head and pulling the trigger would have
done that either.

He kept his fingers running through Tony's hair, taking care to avoid the bandage wrapped
around his head. He could see that although he had consoled the younger man last night Tony
still wasn't convinced that his fear of men wasn't irrational and stupid.

"It doesn't make you weak or anything like that, Tony. It's normal; most people who have
been through what you've been through would react in the same way."

"But it's not," Tony said frustrated, "I've been through worse; I never reacted like this after
Maui. I've let men fuck me and hurt me and I haven't been this scared of them. Jared didn't
even rape me. I shouldn't be this scared after something so stupid."

"Hey," Gibbs said sternly stilling his hand, "just because it wasn't rape doesn't make it any
less painful or wrong. He hurt you; he did that to you without your permission."

"I should have been able to stop him," Tony whispered painfully.

"How?" Gibbs demanded, "you had just been in an accident, you had a serious concussion.
There was no way you could have fought him off."

"I'm a federal agent, Jethro. I shouldn't have let it happened again."

Gibbs suddenly had an idea as to what was going through Tony's head and why he was
reacting the way he was.

"That's what this is really about, isn't it?" he asked softly.

Tony raised his head and straightened up on the bed turning his to look at him, his gaze
confused.

"It's that you couldn't fight him off. In Maui you were just a kid, you may have blamed
yourself and felt weak but deep down you've always known you couldn't have fought them.
But now you're a full grown man, a federal agent. You didn't think it could happen again and if
someone tried you could fight them off. The fact that you couldn't means that you now think
any man could do that to you so you're afraid."

Tony just looked at him flabbergasted. He had absolutely no idea where Gibbs had gotten that
from but thinking about it he realized that the older man was right. When he had gone to
those clubs and picked up those men he had always known that he could have fought them off
if he had needed to. He honestly hadn't thought anything like Maui could happen again but
now that it had he knew he couldn't fight everyone off. It scared the shit out of him to think
that any man could try it and he might not be able to stop it.

He gave a half hearted chuckle leaning into Gibbs. "You know, Jethro, I think Ducky would be
extremely proud right now. Maybe you should have been a shrink."

He felt Gibbs press his lips to the top of his head before wrapping his arms around him, pulling
him in close.

"No one in your position could have stopped anything, Tony. You need to understand that."

"I know but I just can't believe it. I had it stuck inside my head for so long that I was safe now
that it couldn't happen again but it did. Now every time I look at a man I know that he could
do it to me as well."

"You've gotta trust that it won't. You can't spend the rest of your life thinking about what
could happen. I'm not saying that it's gonna be easy but you will get there, you've got me and
the rest of the team supporting you."

Tony winced when he heard Gibbs mention the team. He knew that Ziva and McGee would
have seen what Jared had been doing to him and that Ducky and Abby would know but that
wasn't what worried him. What worried him was that McGee and Ducky were both men. He
knew that they would never hurt him, never do anything like what Jared had done but that
didn't stop the fact that he knew that they could. He knew he could out power both Ducky and
McGee but after Jared he knew if he were injured or drugged he couldn't and that still scared
him no matter how well he knew them.

"I don't want to see them today," he whispered.

"That's alright, Tony; you don't have to do anything until you're ready."

Tony breathed in deeply and let himself relax in Gibbs' embrace. He let his eyes trail around
the bedroom taking in all the familiar sights, the cream walls and mahogany chest. He
remembered how happy he had been when Gibbs had emptied out a couple of the drawers
and told him he could keep what he wanted there. That all seemed like months ago. It seemed
like months ago when Tony had leant against the wooded bedroom door while Gibbs had gone
down on him, how they had then stumbled over to the bed where he had helped Gibbs get off.
He wanted that again, he wanted to be able to let Gibbs touch him like that but he knew that
he just couldn't. Not yet.

"Jethro?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

"When are you going to interrogate my father and those men from Maui?"

He felt as Gibbs tensed and looked up surprised.

"I wasn't sure. I want to do it as soon as possible but I don't want you to be alone."

"Then let me come."

"No," Gibbs said adamantly. He didn't want Tony to have to hear the degrading and sick things
that he knew would come out of DiNozzo Senior's mouth.

"I want to hear what they have to say, I need to, especially my father." Tony stopped his
voice hitching a little. He swallowed before continuing, "I need to hear why he did what did.
Please."

"He doesn't have any valid reasons, Tony. There is no excuse and I don't want you to be there
because he'll try and twist it so you believe it was your fault. I don't want you to be hurt more
than you already have been."

"I won't believe him. I know he's wrong and even if I did start believing what he was saying I
know you'd stop me before I truly did. I don't want to be in the room, just observation."

"Then I'm not with you."

"Don't you trust me not to leave?" Tony asked. He knew that he trusted Gibbs without a doubt
but he wasn't too sure that the trust went both ways.

Gibbs sighed, "I do trust you but I also know that you can't always control how you react. I
don't want you to be alone when he starts saying all this shit about you."

"Then leave Ziva with me."

Gibbs didn't want Tony there but he knew the younger man deserved to know what went
through his father's mind as well as the men he'd let rape him.

"Alright," he said softly. He knew he'd have to try and keep his threats to Tony's father to a
minimum but he didn't think he would be too successful in that department.

"Thank you," Tony replied turning his head and kissing Gibbs gently. "I promise I won't leave
and if I need to I'll call and get you to stop."

Gibbs smiled at the younger man's compromise; that was what he had really been worried
about. That Tony would freak out and panic and he wouldn't be there to help.

"I can live with that," he paused slightly as he thought about what coming to the office would
do to Tony. "Tony, you do remember that about three quarters of the agents are male?"

Tony tensed a little, he did remember that but he had to move on from that fear and fast
especially if he wanted to remain at NCIS.

"Yeah, but I need to move on and I know that nothing would happen at NCIS so it'll help me
get used to being around other men again."

Gibbs nodded; he was inordinately pleased that Tony seemed so determined to move on from
what had happened and to not let it fuck up his life.

Tony yawned a little, the pain killers that he had been put on always made him tired so he
offered no complaints when Gibbs moved him up the bed and under the covers. He reached
out and grabbed the other man as he went to stand.

"Stay," he whispered, "just until I fall asleep."

Gibbs nodded his face impassive but his eyes showing the love Tony knew Gibbs felt for him.
He moved over allowing the older man to slide in next to him. Once Gibbs was settled Tony
rolled onto his stomach and draped his upper body across Gibbs' chest breathing in the scent
of the older man. He sighed happily as Gibbs wrapped his arms around him again, allowing
him to drift off to sleep feeling safe and protected.

Apparently falling asleep feeling safe and protected wasn't enough to prevent nightmares from
coming Tony mused as they drove to the office. He normally only had one but last night he'd
had two. One was much worse than the other, with the first being one that slipped away as he
woke up but the second being one of the stronger kind.

It had been worse than any of the others, because as well as containing both the men from
Maui and his father this time Jared was also there. He hadn't been able to fight them off, and
it as made worse because this time he hadn't been a child. In this nightmare he had been
raped as a full grown man, a federal agent. He still remembered seeing his badge and I.D on
the floor as he'd been taken.

Thankfully Gibbs had managed to wake him up without any injuries occurring this time, but it
had still taken the older man a good half hour to calm Tony down. The tears hadn't stopped
coming, all the fear that he had been feeling coming to the surface. He had felt weak and
pathetic but Gibbs had held him until the tears had stopped coming, muttering praise and
encouragement in his ear. Gibbs had told him how strong he thought he was and how well he
had been doing and eventually Tony was able to lie back down next to his lover and fall into a
dreamless sleep.

Having that nightmare hadn't helped his fear of heading into the office but he knew he had to
do it. He and Gibbs had decided to get the interrogations over and done with so that he could
focus on recovering without worrying about what was happening to his father, something for
which he was grateful for. He knew Gibbs was still reluctant about bringing him into the
interrogations but he needed to be there and he wanted it done as soon as possible.

"You ready?" Gibbs asked as they pulled into the parking garage. He could see the nerves
coming of Tony in waves and again worried that it was too soon for the younger man to see
his father but Tony had been adamant. He thought the nightmare from last night would have
put him off coming in but it hadn't, if anything Tony was more determined.

Tony nodded at him, his face whiter than normal, the bruises and bandage a stark reminder of
what he had been through.

"Yeah, I'm good but, um, I was wondering if everyone knew what had happened? With Jared
and my father?"

"They know you were kidnapped and your father was involved but that's it. They don't know
about Maui and they don't know what Jared did."

"Good," Tony said relieved. He couldn't stand it if everyone had known; it was going to be bad
enough everyone knowing his father was involved in his kidnapping without having Maui
thrown in the mix.

They headed up into the bullpen, Tony sticking much closer to Gibbs than he normally did.
Right now he didn't care what rumors that started he just needed to be close the older man. If
he knew Gibbs was close he knew nothing would happen.

He didn't look up as they headed to their desk and he swallowed nervously as he sat down at
his own, even though it was only briefly before they went to interview his father and the men
from Maui.

He didn't doubt that Gibbs had warned the others of his sudden fear of men because McGee
simply greeted him staying at his own desk, not venturing forward like he normally would.
Ziva on the other hand walked right over and gave him a fierce hug, something which
surprised him enough he almost forgot how nervous he was.

"I can still go and shoot some people if you'd like," she whispered in his hair. "Or knife them,
you pick."

Tony pushed away the emotion that arose at her words settling for a small smile, showing her
how grateful he was. "That's alright, Ziva; I'll let you know if I change my mind."

Gibbs walked over with his files in one hand and stood next to Ziva.

"We've got the names of the other men from Maui," he said softly.

Tony swallowed, he didn't like how they were all going to have names and faces but he knew
it would help him to push them away into his past and move on.

"Robert Stewart and Harrison Peters. The driver was Richard Patterson but he died a couple of
years ago, drugs apparently."

"Ok," he said and left it at that. He knew he wouldn't watch all their interrogations, to him
they were all the same. He wouldn't remember who took him first and who kept up the
continual stream of cruel words in his ear. It was enough to know that they were going to jail
and that they couldn't hurt anyone else.

"You ready to go," Gibbs said to both Tony and Ziva, confirming Tony's suspicion that he had
spoken to them while he was asleep. McGee made no movement to follow, something which
he was immensely grateful for. He would definitely speak to the younger man and thank him
for how understanding he'd been once he had moved forward from being terrified of any male
other than Gibbs.

Tony and Ziva headed into observation while Gibbs walked into interrogation where Tony's
father was already seated.

"This glass isn't bullet proof," Ziva whispered as they stood watching into interrogation.

Tony was grateful for Ziva's presence even though it didn't do much to quell the fear and
anger that arose as a result of seeing his father sitting across from Gibbs.

"I'm going to make this short," Gibbs said smoothly, his voice hiding all the rage that was
raging within him, "because we've got all the evidence we need to put you away for life. This
is just a formality."

Anthony DiNozzo Senior snorted at Gibbs's words. "I cannot believe that a government agency
is wasting valuable time and money on something as pathetic as my son."

"Right now your son is this agency's top priority."

"Obviously this agency doesn't have anything better to do other than run around after
disgusting faggots."

Gibbs felt his whole body heat up at the older man's words. "Say that again and it will be the
last thing you say. We've got evidence showing that you set up for Anthony DiNozzo's rape in
Maui as a child as well as his recent kidnapping and subsequent attempted rape. Have you got
anything to say to that?"

Tony's father smirked at him, his eyes cold and unfeeling. "Anthony can pretend all he wants
that he didn't enjoy it but we all know he did. He got off on it and if he tells you otherwise he's
lying."

"He was twelve!" Gibbs roared at the other man. He took a deep breath and tried to calm
himself, he knew that Tony's father would cause this reaction from him; he just hadn't
counted on it being so soon. "Why'd you do it?"

"So? Why should that mean anything at all? I needed the money and they paid well. Anthony
had to earn his keep, that's how he did it. As for Jared, I don't appreciate my son running
around and letting other men fuck him, I was trying to fix him. I don't know why you degrade
yourself by trying to fuck someone as used and as filthy as he is."

Gibbs struggled not to get up right then and punch the other man straight in the face but he
knew that would do more harm than good.

"Well," he said slowly "I happen to be in love with your son and in a relationship with him."

He could see the contempt and disgust show clearly on the other man's face.

"You're just as disgusting as he is. He deserved everything he got and if he honestly believes
you love him then he's thicker than I thought. You just want to do what they did to him in
Maui; you just want to fuck him. He let them do it in Maui and he'd let you. That is all he will
ever be good for…"

Before Tony's father got another word out Gibbs had got up grabbed the older man from his
chair and pressed him up against the wall.

"The only reason you aren't dead now is because that's too easy for you. You deserve to
suffer, you miserable piece of shit. I don't understand how Tony grew up to be the man he is
today after everything that you've done to him but he has and I love him. I would never hurt
him, I am nothing like you. You are going to spend the rest of your fucking life regretting what
you did; you have no idea what they do to guys like you in prison, hell, I don't even know. I
know what they do to child rapists and molesters but I haven't heard what they'll do to a
father who set up for his own child to be raped. I doubt it'll be pretty though."

"I'll have you up on charges of assault," Tony's father wheezed out still struggling against the
wall with Gibbs increasing the pressure on his throat.

"No one is going to listen to a thing you say, you bastard. You're done."

"Jethro."

Tony's voice shot through his burning rage like ice, calming him and making him come back to
his senses. He stepped back from the gasping, pathetic excuse for a man in front of him and
walked over to Tony shielding the other man from his father's view.

He spoke to the other man over his shoulder as he turned Tony around and pushed him gently
towards the door. "I wouldn't bother trying to get a lawyer. No one's going to defend a
spineless piece of shit like you. Go rot in hell."

With that Gibbs walked out of interrogation closing the door on any retort Tony's father may
have had. He turned to Tony and saw the unshed tears in his green eyes.

"I don't believe what he said," Tony choked out, "but that doesn't stop it from hurting. A lot."

"Oh, Tony," Gibbs whispered pulling the younger man into his chest. "He's full of shit, nothing
he said was true. He's going to prison and you're out here with me and I'm not going
anywhere."

Tony allowed Gibbs to hold him tight as he sobbed in his arms. He knew what his father had
said wasn't true, he knew that he hadn't enjoyed any of what had happened in Maui or with
Jared but that didn't make it hurt any less. It had been hell to sit there with Ziva while his
father had gone on about how he had deserved what had happened, how he was disgusting
and pathetic. He had almost broke down then and there when Gibbs had told his father that
they were in a relationship and that he loved him.

He had managed to hold off his tears until after he had prevented Gibbs from attacking his
father further. He half wished that he had let Gibbs hurt him more but he didn't want the
other man to get in shit for standing up on his behalf.

Gibbs held Tony tightly until his tears stopped falling. It broke his heart to see Tony so upset
at what his father had said and made him hate DiNozzo Senior even more. He loosened his
grip as Tony pulled away.

"Thank,you," Tony whispered. He desperately wanted to kiss Gibbs but he knew that would
mean outing them to all of NCIS which right now was not a good idea.

"I wish I could've done more," Gibbs said softly.

"You've done plenty. I needed to be there even though I didn't like it and I don't need to be
there for the others. That was enough."

Gibbs was relieved that Tony didn't want to go to the other interrogations; he doubted they
would have much to say anyway. From what he had seen of the men so far they had probably
done worse to more kids than just Tony and he didn't want the younger man to end up feeling
guilty.

"Alright. Will you be alright in the bullpen or do you want me to get McGee and Ziva to do the
interrogations and I'll stay with you?"

Tony was touched that Gibbs would let Ziva and McGee take over interrogations; he knew how
much the older man wanted to do it.

"I'll be fine, I'll go and see Abby," he said with a small smile. He wouldn't like being without
Gibbs for the rest of the day but he knew that he could have him whenever he wanted.

Gibbs nodded, "I'll walk you down."

"Such a gentleman," Tony teased quietly. He wasn't really up to cracking jokes or making
others laugh but he didn't want Gibbs to get angrier at his father than he already was. His
comment caused a small laugh to escape Gibbs.

Tony knew how angry Gibbs had been at his father and he doubted that the interrogation was
enough to alleviate all of that anger but he hoped it helped. He was moving forward and he
didn't want Gibbs to be stuck with all this anger and hate. However when he chanced a side
glance at Gibbs he could already see some of the anger leaving the blue eyes and he knew
that even though it would be tough, everything was finally going to be alright.

Epilogue

Tony double checked that everything was exactly how he wanted it. He made sure that Gibbs'
bed had the nice sheets, he'd showered and made sure there were condoms and lube in the
bedside drawer. He was determined that everything was going to be perfect. He had been
ready for him and Gibbs to have sex for what seemed like months but the older man had
refused. Gibbs had told him that there was no rush and that they had all the time in the world
to do it. The only thing was that Tony wanted to do it now. So he had spent all afternoon
making sure that there would be no way Gibbs would say no.

He quickly pulled the curtains shut and headed downstairs to check on dinner. He didn't care
that it seemed corny and cliché, this was how he wanted it. It had taken a good two months
before he let Gibbs touch him sexually again and even then the first time he had panicked a
little flashing back to when Jared had been grabbing him and making him hard. Gibbs however
seemed to know exactly how Tony had been feeling because he had stopped straight away,
Tony wasn't sure he would have made him stop no matter how uncomfortable he was. That
was what had bothered Gibbs, the older man didn't like the idea that he could be causing him
pain and he wouldn't say anything.

However tonight Tony was determined that it was going to work. He wanted Gibbs and he was
going to make sure that he got him. The last few months had been full on with the convictions
of both his father and the men from Maui. He hadn't felt the need to attend the interrogations
and from what he had heard they hadn't stood chance against Gibbs, he heard that one of
them even cried. The look on Gibbs face after he had come out of each one had said it all, the
older man had been pleased that he had been able to give them what they deserved but he
had hated having to leave each of the men who had hurt Tony so badly in one piece.

Everything was working out now though, he was finally comfortable around McGee and Ducky
and although he was still a little nervous around other men he didn't panic like he used to. He
had also finally given in and was talking to a therapist, a friend of Ducky's whose story telling
rivaled the older man's himself. Tony found that talking about everything actually helped a lot
and he no longer felt that he was burdening Gibbs with everything, although he still told him
everything. He looked up as he heard the garage door open and waited for Gibbs to arrive.

"Hey," he said as the older man walked into the kitchen.

"Hey," Gibbs replied moving closer to him before drawing him into a soft kiss. Tony melted
into the kiss letting Gibbs take control. He groaned when the other man licked his lip and he
granted him access letting Gibbs' tongue caress his own.

Tony wanted to loose himself in the kiss but he also didn't want things to happen out of order.
He pulled away from Gibbs and pulled the other man further into the kitchen and pushed him
into a seat at the table.

"I made dinner," he said as he started to dish up.

"Thank you," Gibbs replied as Tony set his dinner down in front of him.

They sat there chatting softly as they ate their meal the conversation flowing easily between
them. Tony had to admit he was nervous, he didn't want Gibbs to reject his advances and he
was also worried about how everything would be. He had never let any man have sex with him
for love or pleasure.

When they had finished dinner Tony grabbed the plates and put them in the dish drawer
before turning around to Gibbs.

"I think I'll go to bed now," he said knowing that Gibbs would follow.

Gibbs was confused and followed, "Isn't it a bit early?"

Tony turned around in the bedroom doorway, "I never said anything about sleeping."

He yanked Gibbs towards him and pressed their bodies together before claiming Gibbs' mouth
with his own. He was demanding his tongue running over the Gibbs' lips before delving into
the older man's mouth again and again.

Gibbs was shocked at first but soon got with the program and took control. He pushed Tony
back until the backs of his knees hit the bed and proceeded to push the younger onto the bed
covering the lithe body with his own.

He pushed their erections together eliciting a low moan out of Tony before running his hands
under Tony's shirt over the perfect skin of his torso. He loved the way that Tony writhed
underneath him and the keening sounds he would make every time Gibbs ground into him. He
paused in his ministrations to quickly divest Tony of his shirt before lowering his mouth to one
pert nipple, teasing it with his teeth before licking away the slight hurt. He repeated the
process with the other nipple before moving down blowing gently over Tony's belly button
then sinking to his knees.

He stopped when Tony quickly sat up and grabbed his shoulder.

"Stop, that's not how I want it to be tonight," Tony whispered.

He looked up at the younger man curiously.

Tony flushed slightly before continuing, his eyes determined. "I want to have sex."

Gibbs stood up keeping contact with Tony so that the younger man didn't think he was
leaving. "Tony, do you really think you're ready?"

Gibbs trusted Tony with a lot of things but his own wellbeing he didn't. Tony had always been
extremely blasé about his own feelings and he wouldn't put it past the younger man to try and
have sex with him because he thought that he wanted it.

"Yes. I'm not using you to forget or anything like that, Jethro, I promise. I love you and I want
to show you that."

"I know you love me, we done need to have sex for you to prove that to me."

"But I want to."

Gibbs looked right into Tony's eyes trying to determine if the younger man was ready. He
didn't see any signs of hesitation or fear, he could tell Tony was nervous but it seemed more
of rejection rather than fear.

"Alright," he said, pleased when Tony's face lit up with a smile. The younger man quickly
unbuckled his pants yanking them off before scooting further up the bed. Gibbs still couldn't
get over the fact that Tony was his, every time he saw the younger man like this; hard and
naked just for him it made his heart race.

He swallowed as Tony raised spread his legs, his feet flat on the bed giving him access to the
darkened opening between his cheeks. The younger man looked positively wanton, all spread
out just for him.

"Christ, Tony" he said hoarsely running his hands over the tones thighs "you have no idea how
you look right now."

"I don't want you to stare at me, Jethro. I want you to do something. Now!"

Gibbs ran his fingers over the younger man's straining cock, "Impatient, aren't you?"

"I've been waiting a very long time for this."

Gibbs knew that Tony wasn't talking about sex in the basic sense. He was talking about
making love, about two people giving absolutely everything to each other unconditionally.
Right now Tony was giving himself to Gibbs, not just for pleasure but to show how much he
trusted and loved him. And he was going to show Tony exactly what giving someone
everything meant.

He quickly stripped off tossing his shirt and pants, not caring where they landed.

"Lubes in the drawer," Tony whispered.

Gibbs reached over and pulled in out and sat back on his haunches. He twisted the cap off
before squirting a generous amount onto his fingers. He lowered his fingers to Tony's opening
spreading the lube around before gently pressing with one finger. He felt himself grow even
harder as Tony's body slowly stretched to accommodate the invasion. Watching his finger
slowly disappear into Tony caused him to grab his cock and squeeze, bringing himself away
from the brink.

Tony groaned and threw his arm up over his face causing Gibbs to smirk. He twisted his finger
searching for that special spot and when Tony gasped and arched off the bed he knew he had
found it.

"More," Tony whimpered, biting his lower lip with pleasure.

Gibbs gladly obliged slowly adding a second then a third finger. He scissored his fingers
stretching Tony while continually teasing his prostate causing the younger man to become
incoherent with pleasure. Finally when he was positive that Tony was as loose as he was going
to get he grabbed a condom from the side drawer, ripped the packet and rolled it on.

He pressed his body to Tony's the tip of his cock nudging at Tony's entrance and slowly kissed
the other man.

"You're sure?"

Tony nodded, his eyes were glazed and face was flushed. There was no doubt in Gibbs' mind
now that Tony was ready. He slowly pushed in groaning as Tony's body surrounded him. He
paused once he was all the way in and waited until Tony had adjusted. When Tony wrapped
his legs around him pulling him in closer he started to thrust. He pulled almost all the way out
and then pushed back in making sure to hit Tony's prostate. The younger man panting and
muttering, Gibbs couldn't understand anything of what he was saying, he was lost in his own
pleasure. The feel of Tony around him was amazing and he didn't think he could last much
longer. He grabbed Tony's cock with one hand and moved his hips faster, tagging Tony's
prostate each time until finally he felt the younger man clench around him and his warm cum

cover his hand. He allowed the clenching of Tony's body to pull him over the edge and he
came harder than he had ever come in his life.

He pushed his lips to Tony's as he erratically pumped out his release, moaning into the
younger man's mouth.

They lay there in silence each breathing heavily until Gibbs slowly pulled out of Tony and
rolled to his side staring at the younger man.

"That was amazing," Tony whispered, his breathing still heavy.

"It was," he agreed. He pressed another kiss to Tony's lips then got up and went to the
bathroom. He tied off the used condom tossing it in the bin before heading back into the
bedroom with a damp wash cloth. He smiled as he saw Tony lying where he had left him,
sound asleep. He wiped the cum off Tony's stomach and cock before crawling into bed with
the younger man.

Gibbs pulled the blankets over them and wrapped Tony up in his arms. However hard it had
been to get here, it had been worth it. He had never thought he could have this again, but he
did. He had Tony and he was going to make sure that Tony spent the rest of his life knowing
exactly how much he was loved.

The

The E

End

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