Dying Wish

Lor Rose

2

Lor Rose

Dying Wish

Lor Rose

4

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Dying Wish © 2013 Lor Rose
ISBN # 978-1493642687

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PUBLISHER: Rooster & Pig Publishing

It was an inevitable thing, death.

For some it was closer than others. Some never knew it was coming. If it were up to Logan he'd

choose to not know. Unfortunately for him he did know.

Death was close and it was coming for him and he accepted his fate.

He was set to die. Logan even embraced it, finally happy to leave this painful world behind. That

is until he met Gyre.

Gyre gave him a sense of life once again. He wanted to stay with Gyre as long as possible but as

far as Logan was concerned, his time left wasn't enough.

Or was it?

Dying Wish

Lor Rose

6

Dying Wish

A strong breeze ruffled Logan Wash's hair. He took a deep breath, enjoying the fresh,

crisp air. Accomplishment and pride took hold.

He'd done it.

He climbed to the top of Mount Herbert, the tallest peak at 3,020 feet, on Banks

Peninsula, Canterbury, New Zealand, alone. This magnificent mountain lay south of Lyttelton

Harbour. The harbour itself wasn't something Logan had any interest in seeing; neither was the

small township, Diamond Harbour, at its northern foot. He came for the mountain itself.

It had taken him six years, but he was there.

The lush landscape and clear blue water beyond almost brought him peace. Daniel, his

lover of four years, had always wanted them to visit together, but it just wasn't in the cards for

them.

The painful memory almost brought Logan to his knees. Pushing the memory away, he

concentrated on the now. This moment. This place. It was theirs even if they hadn't made it

together.

Logan's fingers felt over the necklace Daniel had given him on their first anniversary. It

was a simple silver cross, the back engraved with D&L Forever. Their full names were too long

for the necklace so Daniel used their first initials instead.

Even back then, with only one year under their belt, they'd known what they had was the

forever kind of love. Logan and Daniel wanted to get married, but the politics at the time didn't

allow it. By the time gay marriage became legal it was too late.

Being a wildlife photographer, it wasn't unusual for Daniel to vanish. He would often be

gone for weeks on a trek to some far off land. He had hated Daniel's job. Logan would stay home

and wait in anxious misery until Daniel returned safe and sound. Anytime the phone rang, Logan

would flinch, fearing it was some foreigner calling to tell him Daniel was dead or injured. He

would've been afraid of all phone calls if he knew what was coming.

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It was Daniel's dream to bring Logan to Mount Herbert. Daniel wanted him to know the

beauty of a foreign land. To know the peace such beauty could bring.

"By God, Daniel, you were right." Though the peace Daniel described was unachievable.

Not with this weight on Logan's soul. He tried to avoid it, the gnawing ache in his chest, the one

left by Daniel's death. Logan acted as if everything was all right, and he'd gone about his day-to-

day routine till he snapped.

It was a day past the one year anniversary of Daniel's death. The house was dirty,

something Logan couldn't stand. He set about cleaning only to come up short. A pair of Daniel's

cargo shorts somehow made it into his pile of laundry. The fabric was course and the pockets

filled with nonsense notes. A scream ripped free and whatever he had in his hands went flying

across the room. His very soul ripped in two. The floor beneath him gave way, relinquishing him

to the black depths of his pain. Ever since, Logan hadn't felt a moment of happiness. Everything

reminded him of Daniel, and nothing felt complete. But this was the closest thing to peace he felt

in six years.

He started saving even before he knew he would make the trip, but his job as a night

cashier didn't exactly pay top dollar. In truth, he still couldn't afford to come but, his

circumstances being what they were … "It doesn't really matter, does it?" He didn't know who he

was talking to. Himself? Daniel? Another gust of wind sent a chill down his spine. The midday

sun heated his face, and the lush forest held a scent all its own. "Thank you, Daniel."

Logan stood for another hour, taking in the world Daniel wanted to share with him.

Taking another deep breath, he gathered his pack and began the long descent back down the

peak. He didn't know why, but he felt as if he was leaving a piece of himself behind.

The walk down would take him longer than most people, just as it had taken him longer

to climb up. Logan just wasn't physically capable anymore. He made camp further down the

peak the previous night, but he was too tired and drained to make it there that day. He would try

anyway. That was all he could do.

Lush plants, large trees, and the winding path kept him company. He was warned not to

come alone, but his insistence eventually paid off. The tour guides finally relented in letting him

come, though they did warn him not to stray from the path. There was a local myth about hikers

going missing from time to time and never being heard from again. As much as that should have

scared him, it really didn't. Not much scared him after he finally accepted the truth.

His journey was long and tiring. His body felt achy and weak. He had to be vigilant else

he would trip on something and fall, but his mind, like his body, was failing. The path up ahead

faded into almost nothing. This was the part he dreaded.

He needed to rest, maybe even take a nap, his body needed it, but napping in this jungle

didn't sound like a good idea, but then again, it didn't really matter.

Buckling the straps on his pack to better secure it, Logan began the exhausting fight

through the dense brush. Heavy branches and tangled vines hindered his progress. Large roots

protruded from the earth, threatening his footing. Sweat drenched his shirt, the ticklish sensation

sliding down his back reminded him of past encounters with Daniel.

He couldn't think about that right now.

Trudging on, Logan wondered why he even bothered to go back. Nothing and no one was

waiting for him. Even his dog wasn't there anymore. Lilly died two years ago of liver failure. She

was the last thing keeping him going; now he had nothing… It was the final nail in the coffin

that was his emotional turmoil.

Logan was always afraid. Absolutely terrified. Venturing more than five miles from

home was never going to happen. His job as an overnight cashier at the WalMart across the street

from the entrance to his neighborhood had been a God send. He did all of his shopping there. His

fear kept him chained to his house. Till Daniel.

It was Daniel who helped Logan break his barriers and expand his comfort zone. Daniel

never made him feel like a freak or an idiot because of his fear. He coaxed Logan gently and

used positive reinforcement as a motivator. Mostly some heavy making out, but sometimes

Daniel would take him out on a special date.

They were such opposites it wasn't even funny. Logan, the scared home body suffering

from severe Separation Anxiety from his own home. Daniel, the outgoing, traveling outdoors

man who couldn't stay put.

None of that mattered anymore.

Logan continued on, hoping this section of the path ended soon. He didn't remember it

being this long, but maybe he was just that winded. Getting him winded wasn't that hard to do

these days. Too bad it wasn't for a different reason. Sex hadn't been the reason since Daniel.

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The dense brush finally ended, and Mount Herbert's path continued on, some parts

narrower than others, but nothing like what he had just fought through. Despite this fight, Logan

still found the beauty in this forest.

As he continued, Logan's thoughts strayed. He should have been walking this path with

Daniel. He needed help, Daniel's help, but he was never going to have Daniel's help again.

Logan pulled out of his thoughts as he rounded a corner; the forest was so thick he

couldn't see what hid within. The last time he wasn't pay attention, a large snake lay in the path,

and he almost stepped on the damn thing.

"Holy hell." A small pool of the clearest water he had ever seen lay just off the path some

twenty feet into the forest. Water cascaded down a rock face, hitting multiple rock points before

finally ending in a spray of tiny rainbows in the pool. A large rock housed the waterfall; it almost

seemed to go on forever. He didn't remember seeing the waterfall on his way up. Logan may

have been forgetting things lately, but he would've remembered this. A fleeting thought of being

lost crossed Logan's mind, but he remembered the corner and the dense brush back up the

mountain.

Walking over, Logan set aside his pack as he fell to his knees at the water's edge. Making

a cup with his hands, Logan dipped them into the water to splash it up over his face and head.

The biting cold wasn't what he was expecting, but it was a relief. Repeating the process, Logan

took a few sips of the fresh, cool water.

"Fuck." Logan's stomach burned, his breathing increased, and his vision swam. "Not

now." Nausea took over, but all that came up was the water he just drunk. Good thing he missed

vomiting in the pool. It would have been a real shame to contaminate such beauty.

Wiping his chin, movement from the tree line caught Logan's attention. His eyes must be

playing tricks on him because he swore he saw a man at the edge of the woods. That was

impossible, though, because Diamond Harbour was on the other side of Mount Herbert. There

were no nearby villages or towns. If he recalled correctly, there weren't any other tourists or

hikers up here, either. Logan made sure to check with the guides because he didn’t want to come

across any unknown people.

He should investigate, just to be sure, but that required more energy than he had. It didn't

really matter if he was being stalked or not; he had nothing to live for. If this phantom turned out

to be real, maybe he would grant Logan mercy and kill him quickly. Though he doubted the

mirage was real. The shadows within the forest played tricks, and his lack of water intake might

have something to do with his hallucination. The only reason he knew that was because he’d

seen it in a documentary once. One Daniel helped photograph…

Logan pushed back the memory.

Phantom or not, Logan would have to stay here for the night. The spot he was aiming for

was three miles or so down a path littered with rocks, debris, and dangerous steep inclines. There

was no way he could make it, not while feeling like this.

Logan tried to stand, but immediately stumbled. "Damnit." His arm pressed against his

stomach, his back began to ache, and his kidneys stabbed him with pain. He needed to set up

camp, but the pain was making things difficult.

Taking out his tent, Logan began the long and daunting task of setting up. What should've

only taken him thirty minutes took more than two hours. The constant breaks and bouts of pain

hindered his progress more than he cared to admit. He used to be fit and healthy, but now he was

withering away to nothing.

By the time Logan finished with the tent it was near dinner time. He stood for a moment

debating whether he should attempt food or just go to sleep. Food didn't sound very appealing

but, he knew he should eat something. He needed the energy to keep going. Maybe

subconsciously he didn't want to keep going?

Logan took a deeper breath and tried to shake off this attitude. Daniel would kick his ass

from here all the way back home for thinking like that. But Daniel wasn't there to kick his ass.

Doing something was the best way to keep his mind off the pain, both the physical and

emotional. Might as well make something to eat even if he didn't actually eat it or threw it up. At

least he could say he tried. Daniel would be proud.

He managed to make a fire all by himself, his first in fact, without matches. Daniel

always joked Logan was too city to build a fire, and at the time Daniel had been right, but things

had changed in the last six years. Too much had changed.

Grief almost overwhelmed him. It was almost as if he was back there again. Instead of

sitting in the middle of New Zealand's lush forest Logan was standing in their living room. He

was preparing dinner for him and Daniel. Steak with mashed potatoes and fried okra were

Daniel's favorite. He didn't make it often, but every once in a while he liked to make something

special for Daniel.

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He sent Daniel out on a wine run, and he should have been back any moment. A knock at

the door made him smile. He remembered thinking Daniel was an idiot. He answered the door

with a smile on his face and a half ass remark about Daniel not needing to knock.

But when he opened the door, two officers stood on his doorstep, looking grim and

apologetic. They asked if he was Logan Wash, life partner to Daniel Casser.

Logan remembered the pain, horror, and denial of what those men were about to tell him.

The officers regretted to inform him that Mr. Casser passed away in an accident. A drunk driver

hit him head on. Officer Johns was there at the end and told Logan that Mr. Casser said, "Tell

Logan I love him. Tell Logan to keep expanding." Logan immediately knew what Daniel meant.

Keep expanding his boundaries, his horizons.

Logan broke down, the pain of what he was hearing too much for him to handle. The

officers were comforting and stayed with him till he calmed down enough to breathe. They asked

if he had anyone to call, and all he could say was Monica. Beyond that he heard nothing. He

needed Monica to understand what was happening.

They found her name in his phone. They didn't tell her what was going on, only asked her

to come over right away. Monica appeared some thirty minutes later looking frazzled and scared.

When she didn't see her brother anywhere and finally took in the scene with the two officers and

a crazed Logan she understood.

Monica knew her brother was dead.

Logan couldn't bear to remember any more. Though with memories like these, it didn't

matter what one could or could not bear. Logan was swept away, remembering the last time he

saw Daniel alive. Daniel snatched his car keys and given Logan a quick peck on the cheek.

"When I get back, you and I will dance." Logan smiled and shooed Daniel out the door with an

"I love you."

A flash of chest-constricting pain brought Logan to a funeral home. He was outside of his

comfort zone, but he was in too emotionally numb to care. His black suit was too hot and seemed

too tight. Monica stood by his side as they greeted everyone who knew Daniel. Flowers poured

out of the viewing area and a multitude a faces streamed by. None of them struck a chord in

Logan's memory. All of them were faceless, mumbling fools. There were only three faces he

remembered that day.

The first was Monica's. She greeted the faceless fools with grace and a sense of charm.

Behind her stoic façade, Logan saw the pain and disbelief. What he remembered most was the

hot sear of blame when she looked at him.

The second face was his own. He was void of all emotion. Not even his brown eyes held

the pain that would one day consume him and devour his basic human instinct of survival.

The third was Daniel's. He remembered breaking away from Monica and standing at the

open casket. It was a beautiful light wood lined in black satin. A bouquet of white flowers lay on

the closed portion with red ribbon. He forced himself to look down, to stare at the man he loved.

Logan didn't know what he'd thought Daniel should look like, but whatever it was, that wasn't

what he saw. He reached out and skimmed his fingertips across Daniel's cold, hard cheek. "Wake

up." He begged. "Please wake up." Daniel, of course, never stirred. Logan half-expected him to

since Daniel looked like he was only taking a nap after giving too much at the blood bank. His

heart fluttered with the future pain it would endure.

Tears fell and a searing, jolting pain rioted in Logan's chest, wrenched him back to the

now. The thought of food turned his stomach. His effort was for nothing because there was no

way he could eat, not after that. His stomach tied in knots of pain threatening to bring him to his

knees. He was useless now, so he may as well go to sleep.

Logan doused the fire with dirt and staggered into his tent, un-caring of the food he left

out or his tears. If an animal wondered into camp, so be it. It wasn't like he had much longer to

live anyway.

His bedroll felt a little too good. He should change and take off his boots, but that would

take more energy than he had. Just the boots would have to do. He tossed them aside, uncaring of

where they landed. Grief clawed his soul, but the bone-deep exhaustion won out and pulled him

into much needed sleep.

The next morning Logan was stiff and sore. He wasn't used to so much constant activity.

The past year he had hardly done anything, and now he was doing this. This trip was by far not a

good decision logically, but he needed this trip almost as much as he needed to hear Daniel once

again.

Sitting up, he ran his hands over his face. His stomach felt better. That was at least one

thing going for him that morning. He knew it wouldn't last, however, because it never lasted.

Nothing ever lasted.

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Shaking out his boots, Logan only slipped them on to exit his tent. It wouldn't do him any

good to get bitten by some kind of bug or snake out here. Least if it wasn't the kind that could

kill him.

Outside, Logan stretched without any undo pain. Something else to be thankful for. A

frown marred his face when he took in his camp. The fire looked ready to be lit, and his leftover

food was packed away in containers next to his pack.

Did he do that? He didn't remember doing any of it. He must be going crazy—finally. It

was something he had been expecting for a while now. It kind of surprised him it had taken this

long. Maybe his phantom did it? Logan chuckled and shook his head. Phantoms couldn't move

things. He just chalked it up to his forgetting he had done something. Or he slept walked and did

it. He's done that before but hadn't in years. Least, he didn't think he had in years. Daniel wasn't

around to tell him when he did.

Shrugging it off, Logan kneeled next to the lagoon to wash his face, drink his fill, and

refill his canteens. His plan for the day was to head back, but exploring the surrounding forest

sounded more appealing to him. He couldn't really explain it, but something called to him. Call it

an urge, or perhaps a longing, to explore the region. The urge to search for something was

strong, and whatever could satisfy his craving was somewhere in this forest, and he had to find it.

Logan didn't know how he knew, he just did.

Maybe Logan should have been scared, but it was the first time he'd felt positive about

something in a long time.

Logan was going to let himself have this one small thing. This tiny piece of happiness

would probably be his last. He might as well enjoy it and not worry about what may or may not

happen to him while exploring.

Several hours later, Logan was still seeking whatever had urged him into the forest. He'd

set off with no reservations about trekking blindly through the dense forest, but now he was

convinced it was stupid. He'd left all of his supplies by the lagoon, only taking his pack which

was considerably lighter; his water was nearly out, he was exhausted, and he had no idea where

the hell he was anymore.

He didn't care what happened to him, but he would have liked not to care in some form of

comfort. It was only fair.

"Umph." Logan fell with a curse under his breath as his toe throbbed where it had

connected with an exposed root. Heaving himself up on all fours, Logan blinked several times as

he stared at bare feet. They appear to be standing on what looked like a path, though whether it

was human or animal made, Logan couldn't say.

Logan's eyes moved up what looked like legs covered in animal hide. His gaze traveled

further up to take in pale abs leading to a wide chest, powerful looking arms, angular features,

black hair, and eyes so light Logan couldn't discern their color from his position on the ground.

No weapons, thankfully. A tattoo over the man's heart reminded him of the stars on the New

Zealand flag, one at the four points of a diamond.

Work-roughened hands moved, and one hovered near Logan's face. "May I assist you?"

To say Logan was surprised by this man's perfect speech was understating it a little. The few

people he talked to were understandable, sort of.

His heart rate increased and his breathing hitched. This flicker of anxiety quickly faded in

the wake of Logan's exhaustion. He just didn't have it in him anymore.

Taking the offered help, he wasn't surprised by the controlled strength behind this man's

grip. "Thank you." He pretended to brush off dirt purely to give himself something to do. Small

talk wasn't something he was very good at. The little amount of peace he'd attained in the forest

flew out the window when he realized he was no longer alone. People had always made him

nervous. Daniel used to say Logan was allergic to humanity, and he swore Logan broke out in

hives whenever someone other than Daniel's sister and Ethan came into their house. The thought

of Daniel punched him in the gut, causing his stomach to twist on itself.

"I am Gyre. Are you all right?" The man's voice helped soothe his lost and confused state,

which was weird since they just met.

He somehow thought Gyre was probing deeper than just his physical assessment. It was

the tone of his voice. Questioning but with a hint of knowing that made Logan slightly

uncomfortable. Why did he get that impression? "I'm okay. Just tripped is all. I do it a lot these

days. I don't mean to be rude, but where the hell did you come from?"

Gyre gestured towards the forest. "Would you like some company?"

"Are you saying that's where you came from and asking if I want company, or are you

gesturing towards where you think I'd like some company?"

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"Both." Gyre smiled, and it was then that Logan could see the color of his eyes. They

were a green so light it almost seemed impossible.

Gyre had the same build as the phantom Logan thought he'd seen at the lagoon the

previous day. Maybe this man was watching him or something and stalked him all the way out

here?

He decided to sell himself on the idea that Gyre was only looking out for his best interest.

He didn't have the mental energy to freak out over a native following him.

"I could give you a tour, if you wish? If not, we can make camp or perhaps go wherever

you wish."

Logan toyed with the idea of having this man lead him back to the lagoon where all of his

things were so he could rest, but the forest still called to him, and the key was in Gyre. Logan

didn't know how he knew that. It was an instinct, some small notion about what he should do. He

just knew it. His stomach contracted and threatened to steal the very air he needed to survive; he

knew he should sleep, but he was far too restless. He would pay for it later, but he didn't care.

Gyre's offer brought back his determination from that morning. Logan's anxiety when he

first met Gyre melted completely away at the prospect of further exploration. "A tour sounds

nice." If this man killed him, at least, he followed through with what he wanted to do for once in

his life. His anxiety took too much away from him, and he wasn't going to let it continue

anymore.

"Please, follow me." Gyre stepped off the path, and Logan could do nothing but follow if

he wanted to keep this new hope, his exploration, alive.

***

Together they moved through the forest. At times it felt as though they only traveled

mere moments, and others it felt as though they traveled for hours on end. Logan was exhausted

and covered in sweat, but in a weird way, he was almost happy. More so than when he was atop

Mount Herbert. A fleeting sensation of guilt weighed him down. It passed, thankfully. Exploring

this forest was something he needed to do, the same as hiking to the top of the peak.

Down here amongst the trees, the beauty of this place was seen close at hand. The

texture of the flowers, the smell of the bark, and the way the light filtered down from the canopy

above was magical. He noticed a few things before, but Gyre's quiet, contained enthusiasm

seemed to make everything come alive. Why he hadn't listened to Daniel sooner he didn't know.

It would be a question he asked himself till the day he died. Like, tomorrow.

Gyre moved on at a pace Logan was sure was too slow for a man as fit as him. Gyre

didn't say much except to point out a particular plant or a small animal, or to offer up some fact

about the forest. Logan was grateful because he wasn't much of a talker. Daniel had been the

talkative one.

The forest melted away around Logan, his mind drifting. He stood awkwardly in a tux his

best friend rented for him about a week ago. A glass of champagne hung in his hand. Dancing

couples moved about, laughing and joking. The new married couple: his best friend Ethan and

his wife, Monica, who Logan had only met a few times before, danced the night away.

Ethan was always good to him. He had made sure the wedding was within five miles of

Logan's home so Logan could attend. Monica wasn't happy about it, but she conceded after they

met for the first time. From what Logan had seen of her, she was a sweet, charming woman.

Her brother, Daniel, was the exact opposite. Logan only met him for the first time that

morning and immediately disliked him. Daniel was too loud and overbearing for Logan's taste.

The man in question glided across the dance floor. His dark jeans and lavender dress

shirt, sleeves rolled to just below his elbows, spoke of his sense of style. A little girl was

standing on his feet, laughing as they twirled. Daniel's smile lit up the room.

He stood watching the two for a moment, Daniel’s smile reminded him of Ethan’s, and

his thoughts turned to memories of him and Ethan as children. He'd had a crush on Ethan once

upon a time, but one night when Ethan was staying over, Ethan allowed them to kiss. Ethan said

he wasn't gay, but he wanted his best friend's first kiss to be with someone Logan really liked.

After that, Logan knew he loved Ethan, but he wasn't in love with Ethan.

"Care to dance, you grump?"

Startled from his memories, Logan stared at Daniel's outstretched hand. Daniel wiggled

his fingers in a silent invitation. "Come on," Daniel urged, "you know you want to." Daniel took

his champagne glass and set it on a nearby table. "Let's dance, you and I."

Daniel dragged him to the dance floor. Logan's anxiety shot through the roof, his palms

sweated and his breathing increased. "Easy," Daniel soothed. "I've got you." Daniel's whisper

combined with his firm hold over Logan helped ease Logan's discomfort.

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"Thank you." Daniel's aftershave and cologne smelled all too good.

Daniel chuckled as he led them around the dance floor. It was surprisingly easy with

Daniel, the gentle way he guided Logan, pressed them together and filled the silence with idle

chatter. Normally, Logan found talking annoying, but Daniel's was like pleasant background

noise.

"Do you still hate me?"

Daniel's question took Logan by surprise. "I never hated you."

"But you didn't like me."

It wasn't a question. "You're loud." Logan hid his face against Daniel's neck,

embarrassed. He truly wanted to leave and hide, but Daniel’s grip wouldn't allow it.

"Well, if that doesn't hurt a man's ego." A firm hand to the middle of Logan's back

massaged its way up and down again. "Care to make my ego all better with a lunch date?"

Logan wanted to go, but he couldn't. "I—" His anxiety rose unchecked.

"A late dinner? Less people that way. We'd go to the place just around the corner. The

little diner." Daniel pressed a kiss to his temple. "It's in your comfort zone."

"You know about that?" He didn't know if this made him feel better or not.

Daniel hummed. "Ethan told me. I hope that was okay."

"You're not what I thought."

"I can be a bit deceiving. So about that date?"

Logan sighed and rested his head on Daniel's shoulder. "Okay." For once, Logan was

going to take a chance instead of letting his anxiety rule his life.

Ethan and Monica's wedding melted away. The image of Logan and Daniel dancing was

the last thing to go, and it was the most painful.

His and Daniel's first date was the next night after the wedding. Daniel was as charming

that night as he had been the night of the wedding. Their romance moved quickly, but they knew:

it hadn't been love at first sight, but at first dance.

None of that mattered now. Daniel was gone, and he—

Gyre interrupted his thoughts, "You are not well." How Gyre knew was beyond him.

Gyre stood a few feet away and motioned to a few boulders. "Let us rest."

Logan sighed and practically collapsed next to one large rock, using it as a backrest. "I

found out almost a year ago. Stage four stomach cancer. There's nothing else they can do."

Logan trailed off, staring off into the forest. "I came here, to this place," he nodded to the trees,

"to die alone." He didn't know why he was telling Gyre any of this. Maybe he needed someone to

talk to after all these years. His best friend and confidante, Ethan, passed away two years before

Daniel in a fishing accident.

Gyre almost hummed; the sound reminded Logan of Daniel. "Alone is never alone. Not

in these trees."

Logan was grateful Gyre didn't comment on his cancer. Most offered kind words or

something, and he was sick of it. There weren’t any kind words for him, not anymore, he was

sick of hearing them and they wouldn’t change a damn thing anyway. His only fate now was

death. Logan accepted this, embraced it even. Death offered him some form of peace.

"You have settled on this? Death here?" Gyre's question held no venom. His tone was

light, as if seeking information.

People were often condescending when they found out he had accepted death. Everyone

thought he was supposed to be all smiles and positive attitudes. That he wasn't allowed to give

up on life. Well fuck them. "Yes." His answer held more malice than he had meant it to, but it

couldn't be helped. Almost a year's worth of happy sayings bubbled forth. It wasn’t Gyre's fault,

but he was there.

Gyre only stared at him for a moment. It was as if he was studying Logan. Logan didn't

know what he saw in this man because Gyre was the exact opposite of Daniel in almost every

way. Daniel was outgoing, talkative, and full of energy. Gyre seemed quiet, pensive, and kept his

physical power in check.

"We should get back to your camp. You need to rest."

As much as he wanted to argue, it'd be futile. He was exhausted to the point of keeling

over while Gyre looked fresh as rain. Plus the look Gyre was giving him bode no argument. He

wanted to be angry about everything: having to turn back, Gyre's seeming endless energy and his

own failing health, but these days he was too tired to stay angry. He nodded and moved to stand.

Gyre stood in front of him before he even knew what was happening. His pack hung over

Gyre's bare shoulder and once again he was offering Logan assistance. Logan accepted and used

the proffered hand to help heave himself up. "This way." Gyre said and moved off the path into

the trees.

Dying Wish

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20

Several minutes later they emerged from the trees back at Logan's camp. Logan

stumbled, but Gyre caught him. Gyre's body was firm beneath his hands, his grip sure but gentle.

It gave Logan chills he hadn’t felt in six years.

"How far did we go?"

"No more than one and a half square miles from here."

Logan gawked. He felt like he'd done a triathlon or Ironman Race. "Well that's just

depressing."

"You rest while I prepare lunch."

Logan groaned as he lay down. Food was the last thing on his mind right now. He briefly

wondered if Gyre would be upset when he refused to eat. The thought trailed away as Logan

drifted off into sleep.

Logan jerked awake. "What the hell?" There it was again. Something roared off in the

distance. Logan's problem was that it wasn't that far from his camp.

"Peace." Gyre's voice startled the hell out of him even more. His heart raced and his

breathing faltered until he realized it was, in fact, Gyre next to him and not some animal that had

wondered into his tent. Gyre sat up and ran a hand up and down his back. "These creatures will

not harm you, of this I promise." For some reason, Logan listened to Gyre and calmed. The lack

of penetrative light told Logan it was the middle of the night. "You slept through lunch and

dinner. I decided not to wake you." When awake, Gyre's voice held an edge, something just the

side of not too smooth. But when laced with sleep, his voice was gravelly, rough and deep.

The fact that Gyre was sleeping with him in his tent should have angered him and given

him the creeps, but it didn't. It made him feel safe. This man was from the mountain and could

protect him from some of the dangers of this land. This way he could die as he should: in riotous

pain from the cancer.

"Okay." Logan relaxed, lying back down. Gyre did the same, but made no attempt to

move or pull Logan closer. Logan wasn't sure if he was happy about this or not. Gyre's actions,

or lack thereof, with him were too much for him to think about right then. Whatever creature was

out there roared again. He thought he felt a soft touch as he drifted off, a twitch of fingers against

his as though Gyre was taking his hand. He wasn't sure, but he admitted he hoped it was. But

what he wanted wasn’t fair, to himself or Gyre.

Logan stirred, the scent of breakfast made his stomach gurgle with hunger. He hadn't

been hungry in a long time. Getting out of his tent, however, proved to be more exhausting than

it should have been. He thought last night's rest would be helpful and reenergizing, but

apparently it hadn't been.

He fully expected to see Gyre by the fire tending breakfast, but he only found his

breakfast on plate. The fire was going strong, and his breakfast was still warm when he held his

hand over it. "Gyre!"

Silence answered him. The forest almost whispered as the wind moved over the

landscape. "Where did he go?" Logan searched the edge of the woods but didn't find anything

out of the ordinary. Gyre was gone. He wouldn’t pretend it didn't hurt a little. Gyre was kind to

him and let Logan talk when he needed and remained silent when Logan shut down. He liked

Gyre more than he should.

Logan almost felt like he was betraying Daniel by having even the slightest feelings for

Gyre, but he couldn't help it. Gyre's disappearance was probably best for both of them. Gyre

wouldn't know the pain of his death, and Logan wouldn’t know what it was like to leave

someone he cared for behind. Someone he wanted to spend time with. Someone he wanted to

love.

He could enjoy the last bit of kindness Gyre had showed him. Settling on a camping

stool, Logan enjoyed his breakfast: two eggs, something similar to a pancake, and some kind of

soft meat. Whatever it was didn't upset his stomach like other foods did. He wished Gyre was

there to ask.

With breakfast eaten, Logan set about cleaning up his camp and packing away what he

didn't need. He toyed with the idea of setting out for civilization, but the thought of hiking all

that way almost instantly made him feel weak and inadequate.

Sleeping was probably the best course of action at this point. The thought of sleep

sounded too good of an idea to pass up. As he crawled back into his tent, nausea overwhelmed

him threatening to upheave his breakfast. The rest of his day was spent in hell. He woke up

several times, vomiting and weak. Most of the time all he did was hope Gyre would come back

for him. Despite all of his previous notions and plans, he didn't really want to die alone.

He wanted someone, anyone, who loved him to be there. He would settle for someone

who could bear his company for a few hours, but the closest thing he had was his doctor, but that

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was forces politeness. Someone like Gyre. But Gyre left him. Did he really want someone who

would abandon him to die alone in the middle of a forest?

Yes, he did. It was someone, another being, who had shown him the slightest bit of

compassion.

He rolled over, trying to subdue the pain. It didn't work, it never did, but at least Logan

still had the will and energy to try. Something cold swept over his forehead and face. His small

moan of delight was uncontrollable. It felt good and gave Logan a small semblance of feeling

clean.

Wait.

Logan blinked, trying to clear his mind. Gyre sat next to Logan, a cloth wrung in Gyre's

hands. The excess water dripped into a bowl "You have been asleep a long time."

It wasn't a question but a statement. Logan had come to realize Gyre did that a lot. His

gaze traveled over Gyre. A new, deep scratch along Gyre's neck scraped down his shoulder and

over his bicep. It looked angry, the edges a raw red, and painful. For some reason, Gyre's injury

worried Logan.

"Peace." Gyre wiped Logan's face again, making him relax. "Not to worry. I am fine. I

am more concerned with you."

Logan lurched; his stomach contracted, threatening to betray him. Gyre's warm hand over

his back gave him something to focus on. "It's normal for this stage of cancer." Most didn't

understand his condition. It was habit now to explain.

Gyre wrung out the cloth. "I wouldn't know." He spoke with a matter of fact tone. To

some, Gyre would seem condescending or rude, but to Logan, it was refreshing. All he wanted

was for someone to be real with him. "Why have you chosen to die instead of fight?" Another

pass of the cloth helped Logan feel better.

The bluntness of Gyre's question didn't take Logan by surprise. Most didn't ask such

direct, open, and seeming negative questions about his cancer, but Gyre certainly wasn't most. "I

have nothing to live for. I'm alone. No family, the love of my life is gone … why fight when I

have nothing to fight for?"

Gyre's answer was to wipe the cloth over him again. His silence gave Logan a small

sense of peace. Having someone here with him meant more than he could say. He'd had no one

to help take care of him since he found out about his cancer.

Monica tried, but she just could not handle it. He thought the memories for her were too

much. Logan saw how she looked at him. The pain, despite being years old, of her brother's

death was still fresh and alive in her eyes. He was alone—he still was. This small amount of

kindness from someone else was what his soul needed to find peace in his passing.

"Rest. Tomorrow I will take you from this place."

"If I have tomorrow." Logan tensed, fully expecting Gyre to say something positive, to

tell him to fight and never give up.

"Rest," was all Gyre said.

The tension faded away. "Logan. My name is Logan."

A deep chuckle, one that almost sounded like a dark fantasy, blanketed Logan.

"Tomorrow, Logan, we will leave this place, you and I."

Gyre's words cut Logan to the core. You and I. Those words, they were Daniel's. He'd

always said them when trying to coax Logan into doing something outside of his comfort zone.

"Okay." He didn't say anything else. He couldn't. That one phrase brought back too many

memories for him. All of them involving Daniel pushing him past his limits, giving him a little

piece of himself back. A spike of pain slashed down his core.

"Sleep, Logan. I will watch over you tonight."

As if Gyre had some kind of power over him, Logan immediately fell asleep.

***

If Logan had realized when Gyre said, 'There's a place right down the path I think you'll

enjoy,' he meant four hours of hiking without even a single moment of rest, Logan would've

politely told Gyre to shove it up his ass.

Logan was exhausted and tired despite his marathon sleep session the day before. He

only woke to throw up nothing, or when Gyre washed his face. If an animal roared its head off,

he didn't hear it. Logan didn't know if it was Gyre's presence or just his exhaustion that had

allowed him such sleep.

"It's not far now."

"I hope so." Logan didn't mean to sound rude and ungrateful, but he was exhausted.

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Gyre stopped and turned some thirty minutes later, holding out his hand to Logan. He

said nothing, only waited for Logan to take his hand. "We are here."

Logan exhaled and only barely managed to retain his ever unholy thank-you-fucking-

Jesus. He eyed Gyre's outstretched hand with a quirked brow. Gyre touched him a lot, but it was

always to take care of him. This would be the first outward display of affection.

Gyre waited patiently. It seemed as if all this man had ever done was wait for Logan.

"You will enjoy this, I promise. Afterward, if you still wish to die, so be it."

Once again Logan wasn't taken aback by Gyre's bluntness where his wish to die was

concerned. Usually people were more reserved and danced around him as if he were made of the

most delicate glass but not Gyre.

Logan took Gyre's hand and Logan gestured with the other. "Show me."

Gyre smiled. This smile was different from others he'd given the last couple of days. It

was as if Logan's acceptance of his offer lit something inside him. It was a confident feeling

knowing he had such power over this man.

Gyre led Logan through a stand of trees. Logan's anticipation heightened to new levels.

This was the most excited he had been in years. Small glimpses between the trees gave him

teasing little hints of what lay beyond, making him all the more eager to truly see.

Gyre emerged first, with Logan close behind. Together they stood on the edge of a cliff

overlooking a valley. It was small but beautiful. Logan's brow creased in confusion. He didn't

remember this on the map. He knew he was losing his damned mind, but it wasn't the sort of

location easily overlooked, especially when planning to hike into the jungle and up a damn peak.

"Welcome to my home." Gyre squeezed his hand before setting off down a path that led

into the valley. The path was wide enough for the both them to walk side by side easily. Its

surface was made of thousands—scratch that, billions—of tiny smooth stones that made the

serpentine path easy to walk.

"I don't remember this on the map…"

Gyre chuckled. "You wouldn't. It's not on any map."

Logan frowned. The question as to why that was died when Gyre pulled him down the

path that led to the outskirts of a village. Buildings made of stone reminded Logan of the vine-

covered temples in India. These ones were smaller, of course, housing families. Several people

spoke with Gyre in a language Logan didn't recognize or understand. He assumed they

exchanged typical greetings since the conversations were brief and pleasant enough by the sound

of it. The looks given to him were curious, but a few were downright hostile. Gyre ignored them

all and simply continued onward. If Gyre didn't care about the hostile looks then why should he?

The people looked similar to Gyre: light skinned with dark hair and light eyes that made

their skin look even paler. Men strutted about wearing only leather pants, the women in leather

skirts and bras. Rocks, beads, and what looked like bone were woven together made up their

jewelry.

Despite the appeal of these people, to Logan, Gyre was the most handsome.

As they moved deeper into the village, the buildings become more densely packed

together. Larger than life statues depicting large cats dominated the streets and corners. The

largest was located at what Logan assumed was the center. It was so enormous he could see it

clearly though they were still a fair distance from it.

No one talked to him, but they weren't abrasive either. The people may not have openly

accepted him, but Logan knew this was where he needed to be. This was what had been calling

him; he felt it in his bones.

Gyre led him through a complicated web of streets and buildings. To Logan, the city

didn't seem to have any rhyme or reason in its mapping. If left alone, Logan would get lost in all

of two minutes. If that. He wasn't exactly direction savvy. Hell, he'd gotten lost in a Walmart

once. In his defense, the store was outside his comfort zone, and he was accidentally separated

from Daniel.

Suddenly Logan wasn't seeing Gyre's village. Instead, he was standing in the bathroom

accessories aisle with Daniel. They were arguing over what colors the bathroom towels should

be. Daniel wanted maroon; Logan wanted standard white. "We need a little color, Logan."

Daniel whined and held out a maroon towel.

Logan sighed and crosses his arms. "I can't bleach maroon."

"Fuck bleach!" Daniel shouted. "You don't have to bleach the towels!"

"Yes. I. Do." Each word was punctuated by Logan's leaning forward a little more.

Daniel threw the towel back on the shelf. "Whatever!" He stormed off towards the other

end of the aisle. Logan sighed then took down the towel to fold it and put it back neatly. He

knew what a pain in the ass it was to clean up after messy customers.

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"Daniel, I—" Logan came up short when Daniel was nowhere in sight. His breath came

quicker, and his heart sped up. "Daniel?!" He shouted, drawing several other customers'

attention, but it wasn't their attention he needed.

His balance gave out, and he crashed into the shelf with all of the towels. His vision tilted

this way and that, making him nauseous. Panic nearly took over when a complete stranger

touched him. He didn't know who it was, but whomever it was wearing blue.

The blue disappeared, giving way to the white blandness of Walmart's flooring. Another

touch sent Logan sprawling to the floor. "Don't touch me!" His chest ached with his too quick

breaths and his head swam.

Strong arms pulled him close. He fought at first, till the scent of the person sank in,

calming him down. "Daniel." Logan almost burst into tears and clung to Daniel, needing the

contact.

"I'm so sorry," Daniel tucked Logan's head under his chin. "I thought you were behind

me."

Logan whined and tried to crawl into Daniel's lap. Daniel said something to someone that

sounded vaguely like, "He'll be okay. It's anxiety," but he wasn't sure.

Someone squeezing his hand brought Logan back to Gyre's village. His panic attack

wasn't one of his finer moments in life, but it had shown how much Daniel cared for him and

understood his anxiety. He returned when he realized Logan wasn't following him like he

normally did and gave Logan what he needed

One particular building seemed to be the point of Gyre's focus. It was much simpler in

appearance than the others. Logan couldn't exactly pinpoint why. Maybe it was because it had far

fewer vines.

Inside, the simplicity of the outside was continued in the furnishings. A kitchen with a

wood-burning stove and a hand pump in the sink lined the wall to his left. A table straight ahead

with two chairs supported a fruit basket, and a bed had been shoved in the corner to his right.

The simplicity made Logan feel at home. Gyre's gaze swept over the interior, and then landed on

Logan. "This is my home." Gyre's hand cupped Logan's cheek. "You don't have to die alone."

Gyre stepped closer to Logan. His gentle kiss startled Logan, but he didn't pull away. "Never

alone."

Logan didn't know what to think, but he was grateful. "Thank you."

Gyre kissed him again, this time with passion. He guided Logan to the bed in the corner.

Logan's knees hit the bed, and he knew what Gyre wanted. "I can't. I'm too tired." Gyre's hand

molded over the side of his neck, petting. His excuse sounded lame even to himself, but it was

the truth. He was so damn tired he could collapse.

A hum-mixed purr escaped Gyre. "Rest." Another kiss from Gyre almost brought Logan

to his knees. "I will take care of you." Gyre moved away and pulled the blanket down for Logan

to climb in. "Perhaps sleeping in clean clothes would help."

Silently agreeing, Logan stripped to his boxers, but he was moving so slowly he was

positive a damn sloth could have accomplished the feat faster than him. The energy to put on

clean clothes just didn't exist for him; instead, he almost fell into the bed. Logan was surprised

by the softness of both the mattress and the blankets. He instantly cuddled down with the heavy

weight of sleep. He felt bad over turning Gyre down, but he couldn't handle what Gyre had in

mind. In truth, he was slightly relieved Gyre left it alone. He needed a day or two to process his

new situation. But first, he needed to sleep.

The next several days passed in a painful, tired blur. He was dying, truly dying, and he

knew it. From the way Gyre snapped at the others in the village, Logan thought Gyre knew it,

too.

Guilt made things worse. He shouldn't have allowed anything to happen between him and

Gyre, but it had. Besides the kiss, there was heavy petting and mutual jacking off. They walked

hand in hand as Gyre proudly showed him around the village.

Gyre's people had lived in the valley, in that very village, for thousands of years. The cats

were predators that once openly roamed New Zealand. Gyre's people, the Jagarians, had carved

the statues from solid blocks of stone as monuments to the cats' once great power.

Logan listened to it all as best as he could. Everything Gyre told him was interesting. If

he were less tired, he would've been in heaven. He always liked history, it was his best subject in

school, and he received many awards.

The village was a piece of living history. It saddened Logan that he couldn't fully

appreciate it.

That night, Logan lay in bed watching the stars through the window. Gyre had said he

had a few things to take care of, but that it was nothing to worry over. Logan didn't know why

Gyre emphasized that he was not to worry. It wasn't as if Logan worried about Gyre anyway.

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Least, not like that. He worried Gyre would miss him when he was gone. Even though the

thought of Gyre mourning him was nice, Logan hoped he didn't grieve for very long.

The loneliness of an empty bed drove Logan out. Slipping on the pair of leather slippers

Gyre had made him, Logan headed out. Gyre liked to tease him, insisting Logan's feet were too

soft for the territory. He took the teasing without much ire. If anything, he was thankful someone

was actually teasing him instead of worrying over his feelings.

Logan exited Gyre's home with only a long shirt and slippers; the night air sang with the

nightlife of the forest. The one path Logan knew took him to the edge of a small lake. Someone,

bless them, had carved a bench out of a dead tree overlooking the lake. Several large stones, their

tops flattened to create sitting areas, dotted the water's edge and surrounding shoreline. The

moon reflected over the calm water's surface. Even in the dim moonlight the water stood crystal

clear. During the day it was almost as if nothing was there, only the glass reflection from the sun

made the lake known.

Gyre told him the lake's name, but Logan couldn't pronounce it to save his life. Now he

just called it The Lake. So original, he knew, but creativity was never his strong point. That was

Daniel's thing.

Pushing thoughts of his dead boyfriend aside, Logan settled on the bench. He could've

sworn he'd seen Gyre out of the corner of his eye. It wouldn't be the first time Gyre had left him

to his thoughts but stayed near, just out of sight.

Relaxing more, Logan ignored the pain in his stomach. The view of this lake was enough

to distract him. Gyre's unspoken presence helped, too.

It was kind of crazy how much he had come to rely on Gyre since they'd met. Okay, it

was ridiculous. He supposed since someone was finally there for him he was going to cherish

and utilize every moment he could. Their long make-out, groping, and jerking off sessions didn't

hurt.

His feelings for Gyre had grown since coming here. At first, he'd felt awful. Logan's

feelings for Gyre betrayed everything he and Daniel had together. It was hard to acknowledge

anything he felt for Gyre. He was too exhausted to fight anything for long, though. Besides,

Daniel would want him to find some semblance of happiness.

"You seem at peace." Gyre came over and took the empty space next to Logan. He was a

lurkie kind of guy. "The most I've seen in days."

There was something behind Gyre's voice, a darkness Logan hadn't heard before. It was

not a bad darkness. More of a dark, lusty sound. "I guess I am."

"You've accepted it. Your death."

Logan shifted a little away from Gyre. "I did a long time ago."

Gyre's dark eyes moved over him, he could feel it. Logan spared a moment to look over

Gyre. He looked like he was stalking Logan from his seat. A predatory gleam in his eyes almost

scared Logan. "If you could, would you stay with me? Forever?"

Logan blinked. "Forever is a long time."

Gyre said nothing, simply sat in silence, throwing Logan for a loop. He fully expected

Gyre to say something, anything to fill the silence.

Logan took a moment to answer, but not for reasons Gyre probably thought. Before Gyre

stopped talking Logan knew his answer. It was just the absolution he felt that threw him. "Yes."

He hadn't known Gyre very long but whatever time he had left, he wanted it with Gyre.

A low, soft hum, almost a purr, vibrated the bench. The purr turned into a growl. When

Logan first heard it he was confused because no man should be able to make that sound. Now he

knew it was just Gyre.

Lips on his neck startled him. A firm hand on his thigh kept Logan from jumping out of

his skin. "Tonight," Gyre's mouth took his, "you are mine."

Before Logan could react, Gyre had him on the forest floor. If he reached far enough, his

fingertips could skim the water's edge. "Son of a bitch." Gyre's mouth over him stole his breath

away. Logan was surprised. They hadn’t given each other blowjobs yet. As long as he lived he

would try to get Gyre to blow him as much as possible. The man was a god.

The mouth vanished and Gyre crawled his way up Logan's body, blanketing him. Logan

felt like Gyre was shielding him from the world. It was a childish feeling, really. But one of

Gyre's hands skimmed under his nightshirt, reminding him they were not children. Gyre pushed

the shirt up, and Logan's erection bobbed. He was nervous but wanted this.

Gyre kissed Logan's chest, his tongue skimmed over Logan's nipple making him gasp.

"Bitch."

"I think I like it when you curse." Gyre guided Logan's legs to wrap around his waist. "It

shows another side of you."

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"Fuck." Logan's back bowed as Gyre forced his way inside . "Stop. Wait." Nothing had

gone near his ass since Daniel died. Least nothing for pleasure’s sake anyway.

Tears burned his eyes. Gyre's soft kisses and small whispers didn't help anything. His

cock dwindled from the onslaught of pain. Gyre's slight movements relieved some of the pain.

Logan hasn't had sex since Daniel, but he did remember movement with little to no preparation

meant pain not relief.

"Relax, allow it to work."

Logan had no idea what Gyre meant. Let what work? Tears leaked free but not from the

pain. Least not the pain he thought. His emotional wall cracked.

Gyre moved, fucking him, and Logan gasped. The pain melted away, leaving behind

immense pleasure. Something eased Gyre's way though Logan didn't remember Gyre using any

kind of lubricant.

He took Logan with gentle compassion. At least to Logan it was gentle compassion. The

open air petted Logan's exposed skin, leaving behind a cold caress. Attentions from Gyre

brought his softened cock back to life. The gentle nature of their coupling left Logan feeling

vulnerable and exposed. His tears gave way to anger.

Logan's anger, the anger he'd compacted deep down—over his parent's abandoning him,

his life consuming anxiety, Daniel's passing, his cancer, the way Monica treated him, how she

abandoned him, and his impending death—leaked free. Soft kisses over his eyes took away his

tears. "Let go." Gyre's soft whisper was all Logan needed to break.

His anger, anxiety, and pain overwhelmed him, and Gyre took it all. Logan met Gyre's

thrusts, and Gyre gave him what he needed. Someone to throw his malicious feelings at. Logan

muttered, cursed, and insulted Gyre for things Gyre hadn't done.

Logan couldn't stop it. His mouth kept going and saying things he didn't mean. None of

what he had gone through or felt was Gyre's fault, but it didn't matter. It couldn't matter. The

only thing that mattered was that through it all Gyre kept giving him pleasure.

It was strange feeling complete and utter despair and the intensity of a building orgasm

all at once.

Gyre nuzzled his neck and Logan submitted. He didn't know why, but he felt he should.

Gyre hummed his appreciation; a small kiss relaxed Logan. Tiny nips sent little shivers to his

toes. Something sharp grazed across his sensitive skin. "Ahh!" Logan's body tightened and his

cock exploded. Gyre was fucking Logan, ramming him, almost punishing. His teeth sank further

into Logan's neck, sending shards of pain and pleasure down Logan's neck and back, prolonging

his orgasm. His nightshirt ripped away in Gyre's strong grasp.

Logan came down from his euphoric high as Gyre slowed down his thrusts. His neck

burned as Gyre retracted his teeth. Gentle, wet kisses dampened his neck, easing the sting. Logan

embraced Gyre, keeping him close. "I'm sorry." His apology didn’t make his guilt any lighter to

bear. He shouldn’t have reacted the way he had.

"No need for apologies."

Gyre cradled Logan, allowing him the time he needed to grieve for the life he once had

and would never have again.

***

Logan groaned. His back ached, but why? Cracking open his eyes, he immediately closed

them again. The warm morning sun felt good. Wait. Sun? Forcing his eyes open, Logan took in

the lake. Had he fallen asleep out here? From the looks of it, he had. Movement from behind him

alerted him to Gyre's presence.

Logan stretched like a cat that ate the canary. It took him a moment to realize his ass

didn't hurt when, by all rights, it should have. Logan settled down again, using his arm as a

pillow. His stomach growled, disturbing the calm silence around them.

Wait, he was hungry? He hadn’t been actually hungry in weeks—months. Come to think

of it, he felt better, too. The last time he felt this well was before Daniel died. He felt like he

could run around the damn lake twice and then fuck Gyre at least three times. Definitely four if

he ate something.

"Good morning." Gyre kissed the back of his neck, igniting something inside Logan. He

wanted Gyre to bite him again, which was just nuts. It was instinctual. The need for another bite.

"Mornin."

Gyre made a happy sound between a purr and growl. Logan almost imitated the sound,

though his sounded more juvenile than Gyre's. How was it possible for him to make such a

sound? He'd never made anything even remotely close to it his entire life. It should have alarmed

him, but all he felt was calm and content.

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"We should take a walk, you and I."

Logan's breathing hitched, but he didn't let the overwhelming grief overtake him. His

memories of Daniel were still there, the love they shared, their good times and their bad, but the

pain wasn't. It was as if someone scraped it all away last night, leaving him feeling refreshed.

Little raw, but nothing too severe.

"I think that'd be a good—" Rustling in the brush behind them stopped Logan. Gyre's

long, deep growl put Logan on alert. They both sat up, Gyre in a crouch and Logan on all fours,

to meet the intruder. The ground under his bare hands and feet felt good, almost natural.

A man emerged. He looked similar to Gyre in build and physique, but with darker eyes.

They held a meanness Logan didn't like. "You have taken outside of us, Gyre." The man glanced

at Logan as if indicating him. "The People will not like this. Or him." The man nodded in

Logan's direction.

Gyre growled. "They will not shun me."

"I never said they would, but it will make many uncomfortable."

"Many like you, Malign?"

The man hissed. His stance went from passive to aggressive, and Gyre's did the same.

"You know just as well as I that they don't take to the bond. All who've come to us have died. All

they cause is grief and heartache. I won't see my brother go through that!"

Logan growled so loud birds took flight; he'd never made such a sound in his life. He

paused a moment to consider what he'd done, but Malign's growl deepened. His instincts took

over and he leapt over Gyre, tackling Malign to the ground, pinning the much larger man down.

His lips pulled back with a long, low hiss, a tense, overwhelming urge to sink his sharp, cat-like

fangs into Malign's throat and make him submit took hold.

Malign growled back. He used his superior size to toss Logan through the air. Logan

twisted and landed in a crouch ready to attack again. They growled and snapped at one another

till Gyre stepped in. "Enough!"

Gyre and Malign glanced at one another before turning to Logan. "Logan?"

Logan's growling and hissing eased as his sharp sense of smell picked up on Gyre's

distress and Malign's disbelief. His vision, so acute he could tell what color the butterflies' wings

were from across the lake, picked up on Gyre's changing eyes and flaring nostrils. Logan turned

from Gyre to focus on Malign, voice deep and growling as he said, "If you ever suggest again

that I'd hurt Gyre on purpose then you and I will have irreparable problems."

Malign took a step back, chuffing. Logan relaxed at the apology. He stalked over to Gyre,

forcing his way under Gyre's arm, seeking a scratch. His entire body purred when Gyre stroked

his hair and behind his ear.

"I don't understand."

Logan ignored Malign and almost growled when Gyre answered. "It seems not all

humans reject the bond."

Malign shifted with discontent, rustling the grass beneath him. "You would risk him?"

"He was already dying, brother. The sole purpose of his trip was to die."

"I'm right here, you know." Distracting Gyre seemed best, so Logan rubbed his cheek

over Gyre's exposed chest, marking him with his scent. Claiming Gyre as his. Logan was driven

by something inside, something was telling him what to do. He didn't know what, nor did he

particularly care because right now, it all made perfect sense.

Gyre's chest vibrated with a purr of approval. "You are taking this well."

Logan didn't stop marking Gyre as his. The action was so satisfying it was close to an

orgasmic high. Whatever Gyre was talking about, Logan didn't care. Marking Gyre so everyone

knew Gyre was taken was much more important.

"Very well." Malign commented.

"Logan?" Gyre's hand petted down Logan's back, making him purr. "Do you know what's

happening?"

"I'm marking you as mine." Logan kneeled, nuzzling Gyre's thigh with his cheek. "All

mine." Logan's tongue traced along Gyre's wakening shaft.

Gyre moaned and gripped Logan's hair, firmly pulling him up. "Logan, as much as I want

to continue this, we need to talk."

Logan eyed Malign and stood between him and Gyre. If Logan stopped to think, he'd be a

tad concerned about what was happening to him. He felt fantastic, better than he had in years.

His sight was far better than humanly possible, as was his hearing. There was something telling

him what to do. Some instinct telling him Gyre was his.

"Come on." Gyre took Logan's hand gently, leading Logan past Malign and back down

the path towards Gyre's home. Malign stepped back to allow them to pass as if he knew Logan

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would attack him. Which was true. Logan would and do his damnedest to win. Gyre was his.

Brother or not.

The path to Gyre's home seemed shorter than last night. Maybe it was because Logan was

new now. Wait, new? How did Logan know he was new? The thought rooted Logan to the spot

just outside Gyre's home. He was new. Something inside repaired his cancer infested stomach.

Whatever this something was had given him new life. A new purpose and outlook.

This something inside had a conscious, something that was aware. It wanted to be free to

roam, to leave its scent all over Gyre's home. Gyre belonged to them.

Since when had he become a them? Cocking his head, Logan blinked a few times. When

Gyre bit him last night. It was the only thing that made sense. He should’ve been confused,

scared even, but he wasn’t. His new conscious inside kept him calm. It was the only way to

explain it.

"Logan? Come inside. Please." Gyre sounded like he was trying to soothe a crazed beast.

It wasn't really necessary. Logan wouldn't hurt Gyre any more than he'd hurt himself or Daniel.

Deciding obedience was the best option, Logan followed Gyre into the stone hut. Gyre

moved around Logan to shut the door and slide the lock into place. Logan didn't know why. It

wasn't like he was going to attack anyone. Unless they tried to take Gyre away, of course.

Gyre looked Logan over. Logan could feel Gyre's eyes on him as well. He could also feel

Gyre's inner conscious, which was pleased. "You are a first."

Logan shifted his head to the side in thought. "What do you mean?" His question came

out forceful with an edge of anger. First what? Gyre better mean first lover, or Logan would be

pissed. Though, to be fair, Gyre wasn’t his. But that didn’t matter anymore. Daniel flashed in his

mind. He was smiling; it was happy and true. Logan knew it was stupid but he took that as

Daniel’s blessing.

"You are the first human to accept the bond." Gyre's voice held an edge of sadness, one

that caught Logan's attention. He didn't want Gyre to feel any sadness. "Others have come before

you. Every time one of us mated with a human, they died the next day."

Logan mewed and went to Gyre. His instincts told him Gyre needed his touch, his scent.

"Why?"

Gyre purred and drew Logan into his arms. "Human bodies reject the bonding agent we

inject during the first coupling." Gyre's hands moved over Logan's body, mapping him. "You

seem to be the exception."

"Who's inside me, the one keeping me calm?" It seemed like a silly question, but that

made it no less valid.

"What did you say?" Gyre pulled away, making Logan growl. He didn't like it when Gyre

pulled away from him.

Logan cuddled up to Gyre again. "I don't know how else to describe it. Someone, or

something, is inside me. He wants out."

Gyre stayed silent for a moment, simply petting Logan. "He is an undiscovered species of

predator cat. He is a link to the history of my people, the foundation of who we are." Gyre huffed

as Logan pushed him up against the wall. "Only those of the founding royal family have this

inner cat."

"So you're a prince or something?" Logan licked up Gyre's neck to his ear.

Gyre groaned. "Not exactly."

Logan chuffed as he sank to his knees and nuzzled Gyre's thigh. "Princess?" His lips

formed to the contour of Gyre's cock, lightly sucking.

Gyre's head thunked against the wall. "Obviously not."

"Obviously." Logan kissed along Gyre’s body, laving him with his tongue. His inner cat

practically rolled in the sounds Gyre was making.

Gyre's hand petted over Logan's hair. He hesitated a moment but continued. "King."

"What?" Logan popped up, the top of his head nearly nicked Gyre's jaw.

Gyre looked disappointed that Logan had stopped licking his cock. "I'm the equivalent

to a king."

Logan gawked. "Huh?" Gyre was a what? What did that make him? Was there a word

for what he was? Was it just “king and king”?

"A king, Logan." Gyre's fingertips traced along Logan's jaw. "I've watched others find

their mates for a long time." Sadness flickered across his face. "Every time it happened, my heart

broke a little more, though I was happy for them. Does that make sense?"

"Perfect sense." Gyre’s sadness put Logan’s questions from his mind.

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Gyre's gaze snapped back to Logan. "You will have responsibilities. Responsibilities that

cannot be ignored. They will respect you because you are my mate, but they will be watching

you."

"Mate," Logan purred. "I like that word." He did, but Gyre answered a tiny portion of his

questions without any prompting. They could get to that later.

"Everything in life has brought you here to me."

Logan pulled back, frowning. "How could my anxiety, the death of my boyfriend, and

my fucking cancer bring me here to you?" Logan sounded calm, too calm, even to himself. It

was a forerunner for an explosion.

"Logan, I—"

"That's some fucking sick joke." Logan stepped away, anger over-riding everything,

even his new other self. His instincts raged against each other, one set screaming at him to return

to Gyre's arms and the other to run and claw up some tree. How dare Gyre belittle his life.

Gyre tried talking to him again, but the growl emitting from Logan's chest stopped Gyre's

words. His new inner self wanted out, to take over and let loose their new combined rage. Claws

raked down his ribcage, sending shards of harsh pain threw his core. An inner roar broke free,

demanding Logan listen. He relaxed, allowing his new self to break free. To take control.

Logan's cat was pleased. So pleased a new-found stretch was in order. His claws

extended and grated the floor. Claws?

He looked down with a sharpness even more acute then before. His paws flexed, a new

sensation of claws extending. They dug into the floor.

"Logan?"

Logan hissed, his upper lips pulling back to reveal his large canines. Gyre telling him

everything had led him here was bullshit. A cruel joke.

The room was too small for him. He couldn't breathe. His body almost took up the entire

width of the room from nose to tail. He needed to escape. The locked door and Gyre blocked that

path, making the window his only option.

Leaping through it, he landed with a soft thud. Gyre's voice rang out loudly, but he

ignored it. His ears flicked this way and that to catch a myriad of sounds. Several people stopped

to openly gawk. He heard the door behind him opening and growled. He didn't want Gyre near

him. Jumping atop a nearby roof, Logan took in the scenery. This vantage point allowed him to

see almost the entire village, though it also allowed a multitude of people to see him as well. He

didn't really care.

Moving from rooftop to rooftop, the layout of the village finally made sense. It was the

Gordian Knot, an unsolvable knot associated with Alexander the Great. It was said to be an

unsolvable puzzle, but in this form it made perfect sense.

Logan moved through the village with ease. Everyone stared at him. A few pointed, but

he didn't care. This new self helped keep him calm. It was in charge, not him. But that was okay.

It just seemed right.

Another, larger cat appeared, freezing him in place. It wasn't Gyre. One whiff told him it

was Malign. His brother-in-law of sorts.

Malign put himself between Logan and a family and roared a threat.

Logan roared in return. They faced off, circling each other. Malign was reluctant to leave

the family unprotected. Logan roared louder at the implication he would hurt anyone

unprovoked.

From the moment they met Logan didn’t like Malign. It was an instinct. Malign would

live up to his name, Logan just knew it. His lips pulled back with a low snarl. His chest vibrated

with it, it traveled through his bones, into his paws and dissipated through the ground.

They tensed for attack. Others in the area move out of the way, the men forming a ring

around them. The surrounding wildlife was quiet in the wake of their presence and the peoples'

energy charged the air. However, not a sound was made. Not even the children uttered a squeak.

It seemed the people knew something was happening and that something was that Logan was

pissed the fuck off.

Logan hunched down, ready to attack. A long, low hiss caused Malign to back up a step.

His extended claws dug into the ground for traction, ready to strike. He froze again when Gyre

abruptly landed between them. Gyre was larger than either he or Malign in his feline form.

Malign stepped down, but it did nothing to assuage Logan's anger. To think his entire life

had been planned for him was insane. Gyre didn't back down as Logan advanced. Logan swatted

with his massive paw when Gyre stood his ground. Gyre growled, his neck tensing and arching.

Around them, people watched anxiously as their king and his mate faced off against each other.

Logan could feel them, was aware of Malign still lurking nearby. Most of all he was aware of

Gyre's anger. He just didn't care.

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Gyre had pissed him off. To say that all the pain and suffering he'd endured happened just

to lead his dying ass here was infuriating. Logan roared, baring his teeth, ears flattening; the hair

along his spine stood on end.

Gyre charged and lashed out with his paw but left his claws retracted. It just pissed Logan

off more. He didn't need protection.

Logan lunged with claws out. He collided with Gyre, and they landed in a tangled heap.

Malign hissed and moved to the area where they came closest to the edge of the circle. The

villagers watched in stunned silence. The sounds of their fight bounced off the stone buildings.

Gyre snapped and Logan roared. Logan's claws lashed the air as Gyre's fangs sank into

his shoulder. Gyre pinned Logan, infuriating him all the more, but the pain radiating from

Logan's shoulder forced him to stay still and submit to Gyre. But it only fed his fury, kept it hot.

Logan jerked as he reverted to his human form. Gyre flinched and stepped away.

Logan rolled to his haunches. "You son of a bitch!" Blood dripped from his shoulder to

his chest and down his stomach. "How fucking dare you!"

Gyre twitched, and he returned to his human self. "Logan, I didn't—"

"Shut up, you dick!" Logan stood, his anger rising to levels he hadn't felt in years. "How

dare you." Logan stormed past Gyre, uncaring of the whispers and gawking surrounding him.

"Logan!"

He ignored Gyre and kept a steady pace towards Gyre's hut. He needed a place to clean

up the blood. It was the only place he knew well enough. If Logan had a choice, he’d leave Gyre

stewing. He moved through the streets with familiarity. It was like whatever Gyre did had given

him not only life, but a sense of this city and the people. It was all fucking weird as hell.

Logan made it to the hut in little to no time. Unfortunately, Gyre was close behind.

"Logan, please."

"Fuck off." Logan stormed around the small hut looking for a cloth to clean up with.

Gyre stood in the doorway, looking unsure in his own home. "Please."

"How dare you!" Logan rounded on Gyre. "Everything I've been through. Everything

that's happened to me. Everyone who's died or left sure as fuck hasn't died to lead me to you!”

"That's not what I—"

"How could you devalue everything I've been through like that?" Logan was shouting

now, but he didn't care. "Everything isn't about you!"

Gyre had the decency to look abashed and ashamed. "That's not what I meant..."

"Well, that's sure as hell how it sounded."

"I'm sorry..."

"Tell me, oh king-who-lives-in-a-hut, what the hell did you mean?" Even as he finally

found a cloth Logan noticed his shoulder felt better. He looked up to glare at Gyre again. "What

the fuck did you do to me?"

"I meant we were destined for each other. For me, for us." Gyre gestured with his hand,

indicating the entirety of the village outside of these walls.

"What the fuck is us?" Logan ignored the first part for now since he didn't know what to

say.

Gyre shifted his weight and his eyes phased to his cat. "We are an ancient shifter race.

The last of our kind, and my family has ruled since settlement. You are the first human to take

the bite and live."

Logan blinked. "What the fuck did you do to me?"

"Changed you. You're one of us now and no longer human. From what I can tell, your

cancer is gone, and you are in perfect health."

What in the actual fuck? Least now he wasn't thinking about death and feeling like he

was dying all the time. That was one plus, he guessed. But his first thought sounded better.

"What in the actual fuck?" Gyre did what? "And you didn't think to talk to me about this first?" It

seemed now everything was finally sinking in, his inner self backed down after being let out.

Now, he felt slightly panicked about the whole situation. Before it was as if his inner self had

taken control, but now his rational self was kind of flipping out. He thought his heart might break

through his chest and beat its way down the path and jump in the lake.

"Well I—"

"In all the time we spent together you didn't think to say, 'Oh, by the way, I'm a fucking

shifter cat who's going to bite you, which will probably kill you, but hey, it's okay you're dying

anyway'? You didn't think to say that?"

Gyre's mouth opened and closed once or twice before he finally settled on. "The moment

ran with me. There's no apology worthy."

Logan's anger receded a little. "Ran with you? I could've died earlier than absolutely

necessary, and that's your excuse?"

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40

"There is no excuse." Gyre's voice was low, making him sound small despite his larger

size.

A growl rumbled Logan's chest. "Sooooo, I want to pin you down and make you my bitch

'cause there's a cat in me?"

Gyre swallowed. "Basically, yes."

"And I want to do this 'cause I'm pissed as fuck at you, right?"

Gyre man nodded again, apparently at a loss for words. Logan took a small bit of pride in

Gyre's discomfort. He thought it may be the cat again, but right now he didn't give a fuck. He

was pissed.

"I swear, I will make it up to you."

Logan took a deep breath and decided to give Gyre a smidgen of slack. His muscles

relaxed as he stalked up to Gyre with a growl. "You have a lot of making up to do since you

could've killed me sooner than absolutely necessary." He shoved Gyre, making him stumble into

the wall. "I'm still pissed as fuck at you."

"I understand and I'll do—"

"Shut the fuck up and get in bed. This time I'm fucking you."

Gyre stood all of two seconds before obeying. Yeah, Gyre fucked up, but Logan could

forgive him. Later. Much later. Gyre had to pay a little first.

Okay, fine—pay a lot first.

The End

About the Author

Lor is a snarky, over the top genderfluid polyamorous demipansexual with dark hair and

pink highlights. Although, sometimes the color varies. She is almost constantly fighting with her

muse, Animus, or referring the fights between Animus and Epicene, her other muse. Lor started

reading very questionable M/M fanfiction at a very young age in the closet. Literally. Though

that didn’t stop her from getting caught once or twice. This early love of things M/M sparked her

writing career. Without a doubt, her Christian high school English teacher Mrs. B didn’t expect

Lor to fall into the M/M genre. Mrs. B did know Lor would be a writer someday because when

the class had a minimum, Lor had a maximum. It truly was unfair.

Besides writing, Lor may also be found with one of her two horses, the Chihuahua or her

cat. Any un-caught typos are courtesy of the cat, who shoves Lor’s things out of the way when

it’s her time for cuddles or playtime… Which is about every ten minutes.

Contacting Lor:

www.LorRose.com

@Lor_Rose9009

Dying Wish

Lor Rose

42

Anthologies Featuring Lor from Storm Moon Press:

Freeing Pain

Gay and Lesbian Coffee Break Quickies

Dracones

Serve Me

Anthologies Featuring Lor Coming soon from Storm Moon Press:

Dark Menagerie

Snatched

Books Coming Soon from Storm Moon Press:

You Are the Other Half of Me

Without You Baby I Cannot Breathe

Books from Rooster and Pig Publishing:

Mail Order Cowboy

Dying Wish