“Comeon...”Victorurgedunderhisbreath,hishandstwistingatthewheel.

SilasandKotabothappearedatthedoorsandsteppedout.Theytriedtolookcasualbuttheywerewalkingdoubletimeandwentright

forthecar.SilasclimbedinbackwithmeandKotatookthefrontseat.

Iturned,puttingmykneesintheseatandfacingbackwardtolookouttherearwindow,watchingforanysignofGregorhisfriends.

“

Aretheyoutthere?”Victorasked.

“

Idon’tseethem,”Isaid.

“

Ithinkwelostthem,”Kotasaid,soundingbreathless,leaningagainsttheseat.

“

Sang,Ithinkwe'resafe.Youcansit,”Silassaid.Hisfingerjabbedmeinmyside.UnfortunatelyitwasthesidethatwasbruisedandI

wasn’texpectingit.IwincedandcriedoutanouchbeforeIcouldcatchmyself.

Silas’seyeswidened.Hislargehandpushedmebackupagainsttheseat.Heliftedmyblouseawayfromthetopofmyskirt.Coolair

caressedthebruiseandIshivered.

“

Wheredidthatcomefrom?”hedemanded.

“

I...”

Heletgoofme,turninghisbodytofacethedoor.Hishandclutchedthehandle.“Turnthecararound.”

“

Silas,”Kotastarted.

Hisfistsclenchedandhespokethroughhisteeth.“Isaidturnitaround.”

TheAcademy

Introductions

YearOne

BookOne

WrittenbyC.L.Stone

Publishedby

ArcatoPublishing

.

Copyright©2012C.L.Stone

http://aclstone.tumblr.com/
PublishedbyArcatoPublishing

http://www.arcatopublishing.com

Allrightsreserved.
ISBN:1481814915
ISBN-13:978-1481814911
Thisbookisaworkoffictionandanyresemblancetopersons,livingordead,orplaces,eventsor
localesispurelycoincidental.Thecharactersareproductionsoftheauthor’simaginationandused
fictitiously.

OtherBooksByC.L.Stone

SmokingGun

SpiceGod

FromTheAcademySeries:

Introductions

FirstDays

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thankyou,Terese,forbetareadingandbeingawesome.
Thankyou,Chrystal,forputtingmeonthepathforthebestthingI'veeverdone.Writingwillforeverbe
differentforme.
Thankyou,Karin,forbeingthebestcheerleaderever.
Thankyou,WPLH,andallfriendsforputtingupwithourcraziness–MondaythroughWeekendWarrior
Days.

Thankyou,Chad,forputtingupwithmyobsessions.

(Turtles!)

.

M

AX

M

y heart thundered under my breast. I was sure my parents could hear me, asleep in their beds

insidethetwostory,gray-sidingcladhouseonSunnyvaleCourt.

Rainpuddledatmyfeet,soakingthedirtofathousandwalksintomyoff-brandtennisshoes.Iusually

enjoyedtherain.Ilikedthefeelofwalkingbarefootinpuddlesinthegrassandthesmellofrainmixed
withpinetrees.Tonight,theairwascoolandtherainwascrispagainstmyskinforanearlyAugustin
SouthCarolina.Iwouldbeoutallnight,though,sothiswascompletelybadtiming.

With my toes pointed out to the street, I stood at the edge of the long driveway. A cool wind split

throughmydarkponcho.Iwantedtoshiver,butIsteeledmyselfandignoredthecold.

Thisisit,Itoldmyself.Ifyou’regoingtoleave,youneedtodoitnow.
Anewhousesathalf-finishedaroundthebendofSunnyvale.Iexploredityesterdaywhileonawalk

anddiscoveredthebackdoorwasunlocked.

Myhandgrippedthestrapsofmyoverloadedbackpack.Onenight,Itoldmyself.OnenightwhereI’m

not sleeping under the same roof as my parents. I’m not going to die like my mother seems to think
wouldhappenifIdid.Iknewthatnormalpeople,everyoneelseintheworld,theyweren’tallmurdered
andrapedthemomenttheywentoutside.

Thoughtsofmybedroominthehousebehindmefloodedmymind;thesoftgreencomforter,themauve

pinkcarpet,thewarmthofthecottonsheets,aquietsymphonyplayingfromthestereo.Ishookmyheadat
thethought,liftingahandtomybrowtoflickawaythecollectionofwaterthere.No.Ihadalreadymade
the decision. Besides, it was too late to turn back. Sneaking out of the house was hard enough to do at
night.Iwouldn’twanttobecaughttryingtosneakbackin.

Iforcedmylegupandouttostepfootonthedarkpavementoftheroad.Myparents’housewasthe

newestonthehalf-circlestreet,tuckedawaybehindaforestnearanewhighway.Therewereonlytwenty
homesintheneighborhood.Infrontofmyparents’housewasanemptylot,roomforonemorehousebut
thelandwasstillundeveloped.Therestofthestreethadseveralmiddleincomehomesandmadefora
veryquietneighborhood.Unfortunatelythestreetlightwasneverinstalledinfrontofmyparents’home.
Even though I knew the blacktop was flat, it made me nervous that I might trip on a stick -- or an ax
murderer.

Istompedmyotherfootontotheroad,turnedleftandstartedwalking.Thewindsweptuparoundmy

face, and I tucked my head down to brace myself against it. I fell into the deeper shadows of the road,
shieldedfromtheglowofneighbors’outdoorlights.Ishiveredasabreezepickeduparoundme.

Evenas my heartcontinued to pound,I moved forward. Everysecond I envisionedmy sister or my

parents waking to find me gone and glancing out the window to spot me. Only I knew better. They
probablywouldn’tnoticeuntilwellintheafternoonthatIwasnowherearound.ThereluctanceIfeltwas
onlythewhispersofmymotherechoinginmyhead.

Aslipperythuddingsoundstartedracingtowardme.ItwassosoftatfirstthatIthoughtitwasmyown

heart.Thesounddrewcloser.Iimaginedsomemaniacrunningbarefoottowardme.Istaredoutintothe
dark, trying to use the light from the house further up the road to catch whatever it might be. I should
move,Ithought.Ishouldgetoutoftheway.Iwilledmyselftoturnaround.Agustsweptintomyface.My
eyeswatered.

A mass hurled itself at me and I fell back. My book bag slipped away from my body and I crashed

ontomybuttandmyleftarm.Myhandandwristscrapedagainstthestreet.Somethingheavyandwetsat
ontopofme.Awarm,saltybreathfilledmynose.

The wild of my imagination ran through every possibility. Rapist. Murderer. The instinct to scream

sweptthroughmebutmythroatcaughtandIonlygasped.Iwasparalyzed.

Aslobberingtonguelickedmyarmandthenasoft,coldnosenuzzledit.Myheartcontinuedtobeatbut

Ifinallytookabreath,relieved.

“Hey,”ashoutcamefromuptheroadfromthedirectionIhadbeenheading.“Areyouokay?”
Mywholebodywentrigidagain.ThesoundoffootstepscamecloserandItriedtoanglemyselfout

fromunderneaththedog.Thedogwouldn’tbudgeandinsteadcontinuedtositonmylegs.Itbarkedand
thenlickedmyarmagain.

“I’msorry,”saidthevoice.“Max,getoffofher.”Intheshadowofthestreet,Icouldn’ttellwhoit

was.Iwasn’tthatfamiliarwiththeneighborsanyway.Thevoicewassmooth,masculine.Whilehistone
wasgentle,therewasastrengthhiddenbehindit.Sincehewasn’tshoutingatmeortellingmehewould
killme,Itriedtocalmmyheart.

They’renotasbadasshethinks,Itoldmyself.Peoplearen’tallevil.
The dog was pulled away from me. The guy knelt by my side. An arm went around my shoulders,

liftingmeslightly.“Areyouhurt?”

His touch around my shoulder sent a shiver through me that I couldn’t control. It was such a warm

gestureandIwasn'tusedtopeopletouchingme.Throughmyshivering,IfeltthepangatmyhipwhereI
hadfallen.Painsearedthroughthescrapesonmyarm.Icoddledittomychest.“I’mokay,”Isaidthrough
myteeth.“It’sfine.”

“No,you’renot,”hesaid.Thestrengthinhisvoiceshiningthroughmore.“Youscrapedyourarm.”He

putanotherarmaroundmywaistandpreppedhisknees.“Youcanstand,right?”

My cheeks flushed so hot, I could have been glowing. As much as I felt awkward, I was scared to

admitthatthisstranger’skindhandsonmefeltsoreassuring.“Ithinkso.”

Hepulledmeupgentlywithhimuntilwewerestandingtogether.Thewindwhippedaroundus.My

ponchoflewlikeaflagbehindme.Heturnedhisbodyuntilhisbackwasagainstthewind,protectingme
fromtheworstofit.Hebroughthishandsuptocuparoundmyface.“I’mgoingtotakeyoutomyhouse.”

ItwasthefirsttimeInoticedtheglasses.Thelightfromuptheroadreflectedinthem.Istillcouldn’t

guess his age. From what I felt of his body, he was easily a head taller than me and there was some
definitiontohismuscles.

IblushedatthethoughtthatIhadbeentouchinghischest.
Hebentoverandpickedupmybookbag.Hegruntedatfirstasheliftedit.
“Letmetakeit,”Isaid.
“No.”Heheaveditoverhisshoulder.Withafreearm,hewrappeditaroundmyshoulderandguided

meupthestreet.“Let’sgetoutofthisrain.We’llaccessthedamageinside.”

“Whataboutyourdog?”
“He’llfollow.”
MyheartpoundedagainasIfollowedhimupthestreet.Myhandsshook,mykneesquivered.Itriedto

thinkcalmly,thatthiswasjusthimbeingnice.Mymother’svoiceshotthroughmyhead,allherwarnings
swirledthroughmymind.

IcouldonlyhopethatIwasn’tonmywaytodie.

K

OTA

H

ishousewasthefirstoneontherightaftertheemptylot.Irememberedseeingitfrommybedroom

window.Itwasaonestory,brick,ranch-stylehome,withafinishedroomoverthetwo-cargarage.The
garage door was open, with one car parked inside. Another car was parked in the corner of the wide
drivewaytowardtheback.Asafetylightflickedonautomaticallyaswecrossedintothegarage,revealing
thegreenponchohewore.Thehoodcoveredmostofhisface.IfIhadseenthatcomingtowardmeinthe
night,Iwouldhaverunscreaming.Iwonderedifitwaswisenowtofollowhimintohishouse.

Thedogfollowedusandhesatbyacratethatwasleaningagainstthewall.Hewaited,waginghis

tail. In the shadows, he looked so big, and I could smell the heady wetness of his fur, making my nose
tickle.

“Notrightnow,”theguysaid,wavinghishandatthedog.Thedogsanktothefloor,headontopof

one of his paws. The guy hit the button for the garage door to close and the light went out, sinking us
deeperintothedark,somuchthatIwasblindedbyit.

“Comeon,”hesaid.Hetookmyuninjuredarmandpulledmeinside.Istumbledinbehindhim.
Onceweenteredthehouse,therewasashorthallwaywithawoodflooratourfeet.Thehousewas

darkandIcreptalongbehindhim,keepingclosetohisbacksoIwouldn’tgetlost.Icaughtaglimpseofa
diningroombeyondthehallway.Beforewegottoit,heopenedadoortotheleftjustbeforetheendofthe
hall. It opened to a stairwell, with light blue carpeting covering the steps. There was a dim light on
somewhereabove.

Hestartedupthestairs.Ididn’tknowifIshouldfollowbutIdidn’twanttobecaughtdownstairsif

therewereotherpeopleinthehouse.

Imaginingthatwewerealoneinthehousealsoscaredme.
Ifollowedhimup.Atthetop,thebedroomabovethegaragewasspacious.Therewasdooropento

theleftthatledtoasmallbathroom.TherewasanotherdoornexttoitthatwasclosedandIonlyguessed
ittobeacloset.Therewerewindowsfacingthedrivewayandonelookingoutontotheroadatthefront
of the house. There was a bench seat near the window toward the front with a couple of neatly
embroideredpillowsinthecorners.Abedwaspushedupagainstthewallbyawindowoverlookingthe
driveway, leaving a huge amount of space in the middle. In the far left corner was a computer desk,
monitorturnedoff.Asmallbookshelfsatnexttoit.

A brass lamp glowed on his desk. He crossed the room, touching it a couple of times and the

brightnessincreased.Heturnedtome.

Hisblack-rimmedglasseshaddropletsofmoisture,slightlymaskinghiseyesandalmosthidhishigh

cheekbones.Hislightbrownhairstucktohisforeheadandatthetopofhisears.IfIhadtoguesshisage,
he might have been a couple years older than I was, if that. He was a head taller than I was, with a
mediumbuildandhisskinwasfair.Thewayhisthinbrowsangledattheedgesmadehimlookcurious
and constantly interested. His poncho had a Nike swoosh mark and his black Converse shoes looked
brandnew.Ifmyoldersisterwouldhaveseenhim,shewouldhavetoldmehewasanerdrightoff.She
may have missed the way he was standing upright, shoulders back, with a cool confidence that I could
onlydreamtohave.Whatetchedintomymind,though,wasthekindsmilehehadonhisface.Itwarmed

meinstantly.

I blushed when I realized he was examining me under the same scrutiny. I imagined I looked like a

completewreck.Mydarkblondhairwastiedupinasmallbuninaclip,buthalfundoneandstickingto
myneck.Mysmallnosewasprobablybrightredfromthesurprisingchillofthenightandmygreeneyes
were probably bloodshot or had heavy bags or both. I was probably as pale as a ghost with the dark
poncho sagging around me. My jeans were sticking to my legs, my Sketcher sneakers were discolored
fromwearanddripping.

“I’msorry,”Isaid.“Ishouldprobablyhavetakenmyshoesoff.They’resoaked.”
“I’m not worried about the carpet right now. One thing at a time.” He dropped my book bag on the

floorbyhisdeskandthenmovedtowardthebathroomdoor.“Takethatponchooffandlet’slookatyour
arm.”

Ifollowedhim,pullingtheponchoawayandbendingoveralittletopullitoffofme.Thegreent-shirt

underneathstucktomybodysomuchImightaswellnothavewornitatall.Itwasupagainstmybreasts,
including pushed up between them, clearly outlining even the details of the underwire in the bra I was
wearing.Theclothsuckedintomybellybutton.

HiseyesfollowedwhereIwaslooking.ItriedpullingtheshirtawayfrommybodybutassoonasI

letgo,itfellbackagainstme,attachingitselftomyskin.Hischeekstintedredashetooktheponchofrom
meandhungitonthecurtainrodovertheshowertubontheright.Thebathroomhadjustenoughroomfor
thetub,atoiletinthemiddleandacounterforasinktotheleftwithawidemirroraboveit.Thepowder
blueflowerywallpaperandamatchingsetofrugsmadeitfeelcozy.

Hereachedoverformyleftarmliftingitgently.Inthelight,Icouldseethebloodthathaddripped

overmywristfromagash.Isuckedinabreath.NowthatIsawit,thesharppaininmyarmfeltcrisp.

Heliftedmyarmclosertohisface.Heinvestigatedthecut,usingagentleforefingertopushatmyskin

tochecktoseeifitwasstillbleeding.“Mygod,”hesaid.“I’msorry.Really.Thiswasmyfault.”

Ishookmyheadathim,tryingtolooknonplussedaboutthepain.“Itwasyourdog.Notreallyhisfault.

Hewasexcited,Iguess.”

“Hewasexcited,”heagreed.Hemovedawaytoopenadrawerunderthecounter.Heliftedoutared

andwhitefirstaidkit,andreachedforabottleofhydrogenperoxide.“I’venoticedtheleadwasgetting
thininthemiddleforawhile.Whenhesmelledorheardyou,hetookoffanditbroke.”Hiseyesmetmine
as he tugged me gently closer by the elbow so that I would be at a better angle for the light. “He’s not
usually that bad. He needed to go out but he hates this weather. So I’m sorry about that. I should have
replacedtheleadbeforenow.AndIdon’tknowwhyhejumpedonyou.Heneverdoesthat.”

Hiseyeswereanemeraldgreenandwiththelightfromaboveus,ormaybeitwasthewayhisglasses

werehangingalittleloweronhisnose,Ifeltmybreathescapeme.Ifoundhiseyestobegorgeous.From
the depths of my mind, even while distracted, I knew I was supposed to say something, but the way he
waslookingatmemademyheartskipandmymindwentblank.Iwasn’tevensurewhyIfeltthewayI
did.Ionlyknewthathewasmakingmyinsidesflutter.“...name.”

Abrowneyebrowarched.“Hm?”
“Idon’tknowyourname.”
Thesoftlipssmiledatthecorner,justenough.Hewaspleasedwithme.“I’mKota.”
Kota.ItwasdifferentlikeminesoIlikedit.
Hewaitedpatientlyforamomentandthenchuckledasifuncomfortable.“What’syours?”
Ittookmeamomenttoguesswhathemeant.Myheadwasstillfoggythatfollowingtheconversation

wasdifficult.“Uh...Sang.”

“Asin,Isangasong?”
Inodded.“Iknowit’sweird.”
“Noweirderthan‘Kota’.”

Ismiledalittle.“Isupposenot.Weirdnamesarenice,though.”
Thecrestofhishighcheekbonestintedtoapinkthatlookedniceonhim.“It’snicetomeetyou.And

pleasedon’thateme.”

“Forwhat?”
Heappliedacleanclothwiththeperoxidetomyarm.IhadbeensodistractedbyhimthatIhadn’t

noticedhehadpreparedone.Thestingwentstraighttomybones.Thechillfromtheweatheroutsideonly
made it that much more uncomfortable. A shutter ran through my body, wracking my bones together,
causingthestingtoradiatethroughme.Ibitmylip,holdingbacktheurgetocryoutinpain.

As he cleaned my arm, I turned my head, looking out into his bedroom. Not watching him not only

relievedthepainbutalsotheawkwardnessIfelt.IwantedtolookathisfacebutIwastoonervousto
facehim.Ididn’twanttogetcaughtstaring.

Afterthebloodanddirtwaswashedaway,heappliedalargesquarebandagetocoverthespotwith.

“I think you’re patched up.” He gave the sides of the bandages a few more rubs to ensure they were
stickingandthencrumpledtheplasticwrapperinhishands.“Anythingelsebrokenorbleeding?”

I shrugged and shook my head. I didn’t want to mention my hip, which felt very sore. It wasn’t

bleedingsoIdidn’tthinkitwasimportanttomention.“I’mfine.”

Helookedatmeamoment,asifwonderingwhetherIwasbeinghonestwithhimornot.Heslowly

nodded.“Okay.Well,Sang,Ihopethiswon’truinyourimpressionofmerightoff.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Imeanweareneighbors,right?Yourfamilyjustmovedin?”
Myeyeswidened.Iguessedtherewasnohidingit.“Yes.No.Imean,don’tworryaboutit.Itwasjust

anaccident.”Ipursedmylips,unsureifIshouldsayanythingmore.

His forefinger moved to the bridge of his glasses and he slid them up. The muscle in his forearm

flexed.“Sowhatwereyoudoingoutsolate?”

Ihadbeenhopinghewouldn'task.“Justtakingawalk.Icouldn’tsleep.”
“Withabookbagweighingatononyourback?Inthemiddleofthisweather?”
My face heated up and I didn’t know how to answer him. The silence stretched on between us as I

struggledwithwords.IstalledforsolongthatIdidn’tknowifIcouldrespondatall.

Asympatheticbutconfusedsmilespreadoverhislips.“Hey,I’msorry.Look,it’spersonal.Whatever

itwas,didyouhavetodoitinthemiddleofthenight?”

Isuckedinabreath.“Itfeltlikeagoodideaatthetime.”
Thecornerofhismouthdroppedslightlybuthecaughtitandhisfacerelaxedandbecameunreadable.

“Okay. Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to find you something dry to wear. I’m going to go
downstairs to change. I’ll make some hot chocolate, too. If I come back and you’re not here, I’ll
understand.Ifyouare,yougettotellmewhat’sgoingon.”Hisheadbowedalittleuntilhisforeheadwas
soclosetomyownthatIcouldfeelhiswarmthfromit.Ihadnowheretolookbutintohisbeautifulgreen
eyes.“Imakeahalfwaydecentfriendifyougivemeachance.”

Ididn’tknowhowtorespondtothiseithersoIsimplynodded.Acompletestrangerwasofferinghis

friendship.Righthere,inthismoment,itwassomethingIneverimagined.IfeltmyeyeswateringandI
turnedmyfaceawayfromhimtohideit.Icouldn’tlookintohiseyesanymore.Itwaslikehecouldsee
intomeandwhoIreallywasandIdidn’twanthimtoseeme.

Hestraightenedupandsteppedoutintohisbedroom.Istoodinthedoorwayofhisbathroomtowatch.

Heopenedtheclosetandpulledoutagrayt-shirt.

“It’llbebigonyou,”hesaid.Hedugaroundintothebackandpulledoutapairofbluestripedpajama

bottoms.“Thesemightbetoobigaswellbutitatleasthasatie.”Hehungtheclothesoverhisarmand
closed the closet door. I stepped backward into the bathroom and he held out the clothes. Our fingers
brushed and his eyes held mine. “Just put your wet things in the bathtub for now. When they aren’t so

soggy,we’lltossthemintothedryer.”

I was unable to express to him how warm and welcome he was making me feel. I mustered up my

warmestsmile.ItwasallIcouldmanage.

Whenhespottedit,hepausedinhismotionstolookatme.IwonderedifIappearedcrazytohimsoI

triedtobackpedalandlookjustnormal--pursingmylipsandlookingcompliant.

TherewasachangeinhisexpressionthatIdidn’tquiteunderstandbutheturnedawayandclosedthe

bathroomdoorbehindhimself.

Afterheleft,Iflippedthelockonthedoorandstoodinthebathroom,lookingatmyreflectioninthe

mirror.Myhairwasstrungout,eventhoughtheclipIhadittwistedinhungon.Mycheeksandnosewere
red and my skin looked so pale compared. I felt embarrassed that he saw me like that. The thought of
leavingcreptintomymind.ThiswasmorethanIwaspreparedtohandle.Spendinganightoutwasone
thing.Stayinginahousewithaboypushedthoughtsintomyhead,whispersmymotherwouldreciteto
me.Rape.Sexualassault.Kidnapping.

Only Kota had shown more warmth and caring toward me than I’d felt from anyone in a long time.

Here was proof against everything my mother had taught me about the dangers of the world. The first
personI’dmettookmein,wasmakinghotchocolateandwasinvitingmetobehisfriend.

Myheartwaspoundingatthethoughtofhimcomingback.Despitehiswarmth,despitemyownhead

tellingmethiswasjustwhatpeopledid,thatnormalpeoplewereniceandhelpful,Iwasstillnervousat
thethoughtofhimknowinganythingaboutme.

Wasitbettertobealone?

Iputonhisshirtandpajamapants.Theendsofthewaisttiehungtomymid-thighafterItieditoff.I

rolledthecuffsonthepantlegsbutmyheelswerestillsteppingonthecottonmaterial.Ididn’twanttobe
inthebathroomwhenhegotbacksoItiptoedintohisbedroom.

Thedeskwassoneatthatitlookedbrandnew.Thebedwasunmadebutthecornersatthefootofthe

bedweretuckedinsharpangles.Hemusthavegottenuptotakeoutthedog.Thesheetswerecallingto
mebutIwastoouncomfortabletositonhisbedandIwastoosoretostand.Imovedtothewindowseat
andkneltonthecushiontolookout.

Rainsplatteredagainstthewindow.InawayIsupposeIwasluckyIhadrunintoKota.Ipickedabad

nighttobreakintoanemptyhouse.Whyhadn’ttheweatherbeenconsideredwhenIthoughttodothis?I
knewtheanswertothatthough.EarlierthatdaymymotherhadmadeapointtolecturemeasIwasdoing
thedishes.

“Therewasalittlegirlonthenewstoday,”shehadsaid,standingacrossourkitchenandwatchingasI

rinsed plates. She had her arms folded under her heavy breasts, bulking up the material of her thin
burgundyrobearoundher.“Threemenkidnappedherfromherfrontlawnandmolestedher.Ittookonlya
minute.”

It was one of a hundred similar stories I had heard over the week. I had to bite my tongue to stop

myselffromtellingherthereweremillionsofgirlswhoplayedinthefrontlawnwhoweren’tkidnapped.
Itwouldn’tmatter.Shewouldn’tlisten.Itwassooverwhelmingthattome.IfeltIneededtoproveitto
myself. It was my way of bringing myself into reality and not get swallowed up into the nightmare she
insistedwastrue.Onenightoutofthehousewouldbeenough.

“I guess you’re staying,” Kota said behind me. I turned on the bench seat to look at him. He was

wearingacleanwhitet-shirtandapairofgreenpajamabottoms.Hisbrownhairwascombedawayfrom
his eyes. He carried two navy blue mugs with steam spiraling off the top. “I hope you’re good with
marshmallows.”

Ismiled.Whodidn’tlovemarshmallows?
Hetiltedhischintowardme.“Scootover.”

I tucked my knees into my chest and moved toward the window, my back pressed to the wall. Kota

tooktheoutside,hisbackagainsttheoppositewall,andhandedmethemug.Thewarmthfromtheoutside
ofthecupwasalittletoomuchformyhandsthatwerestillchilly,soIhelditcarefullybythehandlewith
myfingertipsbarelytouchingthebottom.Blowinggentlytocoolit,Itookasip,lettingthewarm,sweet
liquidpoolovermytonguebeforeslidingdownmythroat.

“Sowheredidyoumovefrom?”Hetookasipfromhisownmug,buthiseyesfixedonme.
Iblushedandglancedoutthewindow.“AtinytowninIllinois.”
“Didyouleaveanyfriends?”
Ishookmyheadandturnedbacktowardhim.“NooneIwouldwriteto.Ireallywasn’tthatcloseto

anyone.”

His hands rubbed at the mug, his thumb tracing the lip and he cast his eyes to the marshmallows

floatingontop.Hehadakneeuponthecushionofthewindowseat.Hislegwasjustabreathawayfrom
mine.Thealmost-touchmademyheartflutter.“You’llbegoingtothepublicschool,right?”

Why did he say it like that? “Like everyone else, I guess.” For which I was grateful. Despite my

mother’scomplaintsaboutsendingustoschool,myfatherinsistedwewereallowed.Itwastheonlything
hesteppeduptoherabout.Ibelievedhewassureifwedidn’tgotoschoolthatshecouldneverkeepup
withahomeschoolsystemandthestatewouldbeafterthem.

Helookedup,confusioninhisface.“Whatgrade?”
“Sophomore,”Isaid.Ihopeditwasokaytobehonest.
Hisheadtilted,hiseyessparked.“Me,too.Whatareyougoingtotakethisyear?”
Ishrugged.“Idon’treallyknowwhatIwant.”
Heblinked.Asilencestretchedbetweenus.Wesippedourcocoatogetherandmyeyesflickeredfrom

hiskneethatwassoclosetomineandthewindow.Itwasastrangefeeling,likesomethingIhadseenout
of movies. Two people sharing an evening together and dabbling with small talk. Did people really do
thingslikethis?MymindwhirledwithsomethingtosaybutIwasnevergoodatstartingconversations.

Afterafewmoments,hespoke.“Doyourparentswantyoutotakesomethinginparticular?”
Isighedandnodded.“Thedaughterofanelectricalengineershouldhaveadegreeinsomething.My

oldersisteralreadystartedinthearts.I’mgettingpushedintoscience.”

“Woulditbethatbad?Scienceisprettyawesome.”
Igrimaced.Ididn’twanttoinsulthimbybeinghonest.IlikedsciencebutIwasn’tsureifitwasmy

favorite.“Idon’tknowifIwanttodothat.”

Hisheadtiltedashegazeddownatme.“Whatdoyouprefer?”
“I’m not sure really,” I said. Thoughts of the paperwork in my room filled my head. I liked this

conversationbetter.Itdidn’tfeeltoopersonal.“There’ssomanychoices.Idon’tknowifIwanttodevote
mylifetoscience.Orart.Orsomethingelse.Itallsoundsgood.”

Helaughedsoftly.“Thatsoundsfamiliar.”
IblushedagainbecauseIdidn’tunderstandwhathemeant.Imovedthemuguptomylipsmostlyto

feeltheheatfromthecocoa.“Idon’thatescience.Idon’thateanything.It’slikeIwanteverything.Not
fully.Ijustwantatouch.”IfeltIwasramblingandtookasipofcocoajusttogetmyselftoshutup.

Hefiddledwithhisownmug.“Sang...wherewereyougoing?”
I kept the mug close to my lower lip and breathed deeply, letting the warm sweet air fill my lungs.

“There’sthatnewhouseuptheroad.Iwasgoingtosleepthereforthenight.”

“Youwererunningaway?”
Iclosedmyeyes.Ihatedthosewords.“No.Notforforever.Ijustwantedonenightoutofthehouse.”
“Soyouwantedtobreakintoahouse?Alone?Inthemiddleofthenight?”
MyfaceburnedandIturnedmyheadawaytolookoutintothenightagain.Onlythistimethesightwas

blurred by tears. “It sounds crazy.” I blinked a lot, trying to force the tears back. When I felt a little

calmer,Iturnedagaintolookathim.“Iwasn’tgoingtohurtanything.Myparentsare...different.Idon’t
getoutmuch.Ijustwantedtogetawayforthenight.Ididn’twanttofeeltrappedanymore.”

“Youjustneededarelease.”
Ifeltmyheartlift.Heunderstood!“Itwasjustabadnighttodoit.Ishouldn’tprobablyhavethought

oftheemptyhouse.IjustknewthebackdoorwasopenandIwouldn’thaveharmedanything.”

The corners of his mouth lifted. “I have to admit, I can’t imagine you committing a breaking and

entering.Youdon’tlooklikethebadgirltype.”

Imadeafaceathimandhelaughed.Whenhedid,Icouldn’thelpit.Igiggledtoo.“Iguessitseems

prettysilly.It’sjustasinglenight.”

Hetiltedhishead.“Whytonight?Imeanwhathappenedtodaythatyoufeltyouhadtogetout?”
IblushedagainandIheldapalmtomycheek,pretendingtorubitsoIcouldhidetheredness.“It’s

complicated.”

“I’mprettysmart.Tryme.”
NowthatI’vesaidallthisoutloud,itdidseemdramaticandsilly.“Itseemedabetterideathanhiding

awayforever.Idon’twanttobelievetheworldisallthatterrible.”MyvoiceshookasIspoke.Iworried
thatImightcryinfrontofhim.

Hissmilesoftenedandhiseyessparkedagain.“Sang,you’reanidiot.”
Theinsultmademymouthpopopenandarushofheatradiatedfrommyface.“But...I...”
Heliftedahandanddroppedafingeronmyopenlipstostopmefromtalking.“Threereasons.For

one,youpickedabadnighttotakeoff.”

Icouldn’tdisagreewithhim.Ialsocouldn’tthinkclearly.HisfingerremainedonmylipsandIwasn’t

surehowtomove.Itwashardtoconcentrateonwhathewassaying.

“Two,ifyouknewthehousewasempty,someoneelsecouldbelurkinginthere,too.Maybeahoboor

someotherteenagers.Itmightnotbetrueofyou,butpeoplewhobreakintohousesareoftennotverynice
people.You’dbewalkinginonthem.”

Ihadn’teventhoughtaboutthat.“What’sthethird?”Iasked,evenashisfingerwasstillonmeandI

wasmorethanmumbling.Hegrinnedatitandmovedhisfingeraway.

“Ifyourparentscaughtyou,youmighthavebeengroundedforalifetimeandIwouldhavenevermet

you.”

Myheartstoppedinthatmoment.Ithoughthewasjustteasingmebutsomethinginhiseyesshimmered

honest.Itmeltedmeatthecore.Hecared.Butwhy?Aboutme?How?

Hetiltedhismuganddrainedtherestofhiscocoa.“Doyouhavetobesomewheretomorrow?”
Ishookmyhead.
“Areyoustillintentonstayingoutforthenight?”
Wouldhetellmyparentsaboutit?SomehowIdidn’tthinkhewould.Hewasgivingmeachoice.Did

Ireallywanttodoit?Hewasrightaboutnotgoingtotheemptyhouse.Walkingoutinthemiddleofthe
nightwasnotthebestwaytoproveanythingotherthanIwastakingabigrisk.However,Icouldn’tstand
byandletmyselfbecaughtforeverinthesmallworldtheybuiltforus.“IfIcouldfiguresomethingelse
out...”

Heputthemugdownandthenplantedapalmonmyknee.“Sohowaboutthis,I’llletyousleephere

tonight.Ithinkyou’llfeelbetterinthemorningaboutitall.Afterthat,givemeamonth.”

Ittookeverythinginmywillpowernottopullawayfromhistouch.Itfeltsointimatethatitmademe

shake.Iblinkedathim,confused.“Todowhat?”

“We’llgetyourparentstorelaxsoyoudon’thavetosneakout.”
Ismirkedagain.“Nowwhoisbeingidiotic?”
Hesmiled,sincereandwarming.“Imeanit.”
“Youdon’tknowme.Whydoyoucare?”

Heshrugged.“Friendshelpeachother.We’refriendsnow,aren’twe?”
I couldn’t answer him right away. Could it really be that simple? Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to

attendpartiesorevenjusthangout.Outsideofschool,Isawnoone.FriendswerethepeoplewhoIsat
withatlunch,andneversaidawordtothemotherwise,nevercalled,neverwenttothemallwith.The
truthwasIdidn’thaveacluewhatatruefriendwassupposedtobelike.Wasitsupposedtohappenso
quickly?“Isupposeso.”

Henoddedandthenstoodup.Hetookmymugfromme.“I’mgoingtotakethesedownstairsandput

Maxintohiscrate.Yougohopintobed.”

MymouthfellopenandIglancedathisbed.“But...you...”
Helaughedatmyexpression.“Don’tworry.There’saroll-awaybedunderneaththatone.WhenIget

backI’llpullitoutandwillsleepthere.”

Myparentswouldhaveafit.Still,Ishiveredwithexcitement.I’dneverbeenoutanywhereandmy

firstnightalone,Iwouldbesleepinginaboy’sroom.“ButmaybeIcouldsleepontheroll-awaything.I
meanit’syourbed.”

“Justgetin,willyou?It’slate.”Heturnedandthuddedhiswaybackdownthestairs.
IfrozewhereIwasforamoment.Againtearscametomyeyes.Hewassonicetome.HowcouldI

leavenow?Maybehewasright.Wouldhekeephispromisethough?CouldItrusthim?I’vealreadytold
himsomuchandIcouldn’tbelieveIadmittedoutloudwhatIhadnevertoldasoul.Itwasthosegreen
eyes and the way he looked at me. He made it so easy to talk to him because he was so calm and he
instantlyknewwhattodo.Itwasalmostlikemagic.

IfidgetedwiththehemofhisshirtasIsteppedtowardhisbed.Iswallowedthickly,tryingtostillmy

heart.Forbiddenterritory.Iinchedmyselfdown,sittingcarefullyontheedgeuntilIhearditcreak.WasI
afraiditwouldbiteme?IthinkIwasmoreafraidofmyparentssomehowfindingout.

Onlytheywouldn’tfindout.
I tucked my toes in between the sheets, relaxed my head onto the pillow and yanked the blanket up

overme.Withtheblanketpulleduptomychin,mybodywarmedafewdegrees.Ihadn’trealizedhow
cold my body was before. When my bones thawed, my whole body melted into the bed. I inhaled a
delicatepang,aspicyfragrance.Isthatwhathesmelledlike?Thesoftnessofhispillowforcedmyeyes
shut.Kota’sbed.Aboy’sbed.

ThenexttimeIopenedmyeyes,theroomwasdark.Fromwhatlittlelightcamethroughthewindow,I

could see the roll-away bed that had been pulled out. Kota was on his back, his elbow against his
forehead.Hismouthwasopenandhewasbreathingslowly.Withhisglassesoff,helookedcompletely
adorable.IstayedawakeaslongasIcouldtowatchhim.

Mynewfriend.

V

ICTOR

IdreamedaboutfireinahouseIdidn’trecognize.Iwasrunningtofindadoor,knowingsomeone

waschasingmebutIcouldn’tseehisface.Ididn’twanthimtofindme.Ididn’twanttoburn.

M

yeyespoppedopenthenextmorningwhensunlightmanagedtofilterthroughthesheetIhadover

myhead.IworriedIwoulddroolorsomethingandKotawouldlaugh.TherewasachillandIpulledthe
blanketovermyhead.Ipushedthecornerupaninchtopeekout.Ididn’twanttogetupifhewasstill
tryingtosleep.

Iwonderedhowawkwardhemusthavefelthavingastrangegirlsleepinhisbed.
Kotawasn’tthere.Neitherwasthepulloutbed.Howearlydidhewakeupinthemornings?UsuallyI

wasaverylightsleeper,soitsurprisedmehecouldgetupwithoutmehearinghim.Iwasn’tsurewhatto
dosoIrolledontomyback,coveringmyselfwiththeblanketfullyandwaited.Ididn’twanttogetupand
pokearoundwithouthim.Thatwascleverofme,Ithought.Tooscaredtogetupwhenhe’shere.Terrified
whenheisn’t.

TimepassedforsolongIthoughtmaybehe’dforgottenaboutme.Iturnedonmysidetofacethewall,

tryingtowillmyselftorelaxandjustgetupandfacewhateverwasdownstairs.Iwasjustgettingmyself
tositupwhenthesoundofadooropeningbrokethesilence,followedbythuddingatthestairs.

Ifellbackontothebed,tryingtofeignsleep.Ipulledtheblanketovermyheadtocovermyface.I

wasn’t sure why I did that, but it seemed like a safe thing to do to pretend to wake up while he was
nearby.

Afterthethuddingendedonthestairs,therewasonlysilence.Whathappened?Iheldmybreathwhile

underneath the blanket. My ears strained to hear any sound. Was he being quiet to me sleep? My heart
thuddedagainstmychest,loudandIwonderedifIwouldhearhimatall.ShouldIgetupnow?Washe
doingsomething?IwastemptedtotakeapeekonlyIwasn’tsureifhe’dnotice.

“Hey Kota!” A male voice called out, clearly trying to be loud on purpose. There was something

strikinginthevoicethough.Smooth.ThebaritonewaslikeafamiliarsingerbutIcouldn’trememberthe
name.“Stillsleeping?What’swrongwithyou?”

AbodylandedhardontopofmethatIfelttheairinmylungsescape,notgivingmeenoughoxygento

cryout.Legsfellovermine,someone’sframesatontopofmeandhandssoughtoutmywristsunderthe
blanket.Imanagedtoletamuffledgruntescapebutwiththewayheheldmyarms,myfacewasstuffed
withblanketandIcouldn’ttwistmyselffree.

“Areyougettinguporwhat?”Thevoicesaid,thebaritoneplayful.“Theworldisspinningonwithout

you.”

“Victor.”Kota’svoicecamefromtheothersideoftheroom.Ihadn’theardhimcomeup.
The person on top of me froze and then let go of my arms. The blanket was yanked away. My arm

jerkedinquickreaction,shieldingmyselffromthesuddenonslaughtoflightandfromthestrangersitting

ontopofme.

“Who...”Victorneverfinishedhisstatement.Hismouthhungopen.
Hisbrowneyeswerewide,biganditwasthefirsttimeI’deverthoughttheterm“fireinhiseyes”

everactuallyfitaface.TheintensitywouldhavemademeblushinanynormalsituationbutasIwasina
bedandhehadjustlandedonme,Iwasglowingwithheat.HisheadflinchedbackinconfusionandIwas
justasdumbstruck.HisbodywasslighterthanKota’sandhelookedlikehewasthesameagewewere.
Hishairwasasofterbrown,reachingtothenapeofhisneckingentlewaves,brushedbackawayfrom
hiseyes.

“Victor,thisisSang.”
Victorblinkedatmerepeatedly.“Uh...”Hemovedoffthebedandstoodup.Heworeacrispwhite

longsleevedshirt,thetopbuttonundonetorevealthestartofhiscollarbone.Heworeneatblackslacks.
Hisnearformalattiresurprisedmebutheappearedcomfortableinwhathewaswearing,likeheworeit
nearlyeveryday.AthisneckhungasilverchainwitharoundsilvermedallionwithsomesymbolIdidn’t
recognize.Hisfacewasangular.HishipswereslimmerthanKota’sandhisfingerswerelongandlean.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”heasked.“Imeaninhisbed?”

“Sheslepthere.”Kotaheldasmileonhisfaceandworeacalmingexpressionasifthiswasperfectly

normal.HewaswearingLevijeansandalightbluePoloshirtwithacollar,thebuttonsdoneupallthe
waytothetop.

Victorspunonhim,hishandsshootingout,palmsup.“Areyoukiddingme?”
“Don’tgetweird.Anddon’ttellmymom.Idon’tthinkshe’llunderstand.”
“Butwhyisshe...”
Suddenlyavoicecalledupfromthebaseofthestairs.“Kota?DoIhearVictorupthere?”
BeforeKotacouldreply,therewerefootstepscomingup.Ipanicked,wonderingifIshouldjumpfrom

thebed.

Kota took one look at Victor and they both reacted at the same time. Kota headed to the stairwell,

standingatthetop.Victorcametothebed,pushedmebacksoIwaslayingdownandcoveredmewiththe
blanket.Hepositionedhimselfinfrontofme,sprawledout.Icouldn’tseehimfromundertheblanket,but
Icouldfeelhisbodynearmineanditcausedmetoblush.

Ididmybesttomakemyselfassmallaspossible.
“Yes,we’reuphere,”Kotasaid.
“HiVictor.”
“Hi.”
“Ithoughtyouboyscouldcomedownforbreakfast.It’salmostready.”
“Mom,”Kotasaid.“IsitokayifIletSangstayforbreakfast,too?”
“Sure.Who’sSang?”
“She’sthegirlfromnextdoor.Thefamilythatjustmovedin.”
“Oh...”Pause.“Whereisshe?”
“Inthebathroom.”
“Shecameinwithme,”Victoradded.
“Soundsgood.Havehercomedown.Imadeeggs.”
Thesoundoffootstepsonthestairstrailedaway.Inaflash,Victorhoppedupandpulledtheblanket

awayfromme.Whenhedid,helookedmeoverandtiltedhishead.“Areyouwearing...”

“Yes,”Kotasaid,andthenblewabreathofairfromhislips.“I’llexplainlater.Sheneedstohurry

andgetdressed.”

Victorgotoutofthewaytoallowmetostand.Victorwasahalfaheadtallerthanme.WhenIstood,

hedidn’thesitateatexaminingmeagain.IimaginedwithbedhairandmygroggyfacethatIwaspretty
ugly.

Kotamovedtothebathroom,openingthedoorandflickingthelighton.“Doesyourbaghaveclean

clothes?”heaskedme.

Inoddedtohim.
“Getdressedandcomedownstairswhenyou’reready.”HecrossedtheroomandgrabbedVictorby

thearm.“Let’sgo.”

“But...”Victorrakedfingersthroughhishair,hisfireeyesblazingwithcuriosity.WhenKotayankedat

his arm, he turned away. He looked back again when he was at the stairs going down but said nothing
moreandsoondisappeared.

Ijumpedformybookbagandranforthebathroom.Myheartpounded.Victorwasjustashandsome

asKota.Hemovedquicklytocoverforme.Howstrangethatacompletestranger,whoknewlessabout
methanKota,washelpingme.

Peoplewerenotallmurderers.

Imanagedtodoaquickjobofwashingmyfaceandbrushingmyhair.Itwistedmyhairup,pullingit

backintoaclipthatsatatthebackofmyhead,thelocksofdirtyblondhairfallingfromittickledatmy
neck.ItwasthewayIalwaysworemyhairtokeepitoutofmyface.Ichangedintoagraypleatedskirt
thatwasalittleshortbutwasgreatforthewarmerweatherofthesouth.Ihadasoftbuttonupblousethat
matchedit.IwantedtolookniceifIwasgoingtomeetKota’smom.IwasluckyIhadpackedacoupleof
extrathingsintomybagbesidesshorts.

Ifeltsoreatmybackandcheckedmyhip.Therewasadarkpurplebruiseaboutthesizeofmypalmat

myside.I’dhavetoremembertoadjustmytopandnotshowit.Ididn’twantKotatofeelbadagainabout
whathappenedlastnight.Besides,itwasprettyugly.MyshoesandclothesthatIworelastnightweren’t
inthetubwhereIleftthem.Iwasbarefoot.HowwouldIexplainthat?

Isighedandhurrieddownstairs.IfIstayedtoolong,hismomwouldthinkIwasweird.
Atthebaseofthestairs,therichgreaseoffriedeggsandbaconandbutteredtoasthitmynose.The

diningroomattheendofthehallhadasmallroundtablewithfivechairsnearit,onewasamismatched
officechairthatKotasatin.TherewasanemptyspacenexttohimandVictorontheotherside.Theother
two chairs were occupied by a woman who looked to be in her late forties and a younger girl with
glasses.

“Hello!”Theolderwomanspottedmefirstandstoodup,reachingoutahand.Hereyesweregreen

likeKota’s.Herbrownhairwastiedintoabunatthebackofherhead.Thereweresoftwrinklesather
eyes.Shewasalmostmysameheight.“It’snicetomeetyou.I’mErica.”

Ismiled,blushingandreachedtotouchherhanddelicatelywithmyown.
Ithoughtthatwouldbeitbutshetookafirmgraspofmyhandandgaveitagoodsqueeze.“Ihaven’t

metyourparentsyet.”

“We’re still kind of settling in.” She seemed so nice and I was scared she’d actually stop by my

parents’house.Iwantedtowarnherthatmymomprobablywouldn’twanttotalktoher.Therewasonly
thehopethatmaybeshewouldforget.

“This is my daughter and Dakota’s sister, Jessica.” She pointed to the girl next to her. The girl was

almostexactlylikehermother,exceptshorterandwithmuchlighterhair.Herexpressionwasplacidand
sheworepinkrimmedglasses.Shenoddedtome,almostshyly.

“Hi,”Isaid.IblinkedatthenameDakotaandthenrealizedshemusthavemeantKota.Itstruckmeas

funnybutIlikehowheshortenedit.

“Haveaseat,”Ericasaid.ShemotionedtothechairnexttoKotaandVictor.
Thewholetimeweweretalking,theguysfixedtheireyesonme.Wasmyoutfitbad?Maybeitwas

toomuch.Icouldn’ttell.ThemomentIsatdown,Kotareachedforthescrambledeggbowlandscoopeda
largespoonfulintomyplate.Victorhadthebaconplatteranddroppedacoupleofslicesnexttotheeggs.

“Orangejuice?”Ericaoffered.
Ismiledandnodded.IwenttoreachforitbutKotagottoitbeforeIdidandhelditabovemycup.
“Saywhen.”
ItsurprisedmeatfirstthatIdidn’tnoticethathehadalreadystartedpouring.Iquicklytoldhimwhen

itwasenoughandherecappedthebottleandputitbackonthetable.

Ipickedupmyforkandknife,wonderingiftheyweregoingtoalsocutmybaconintopieces.WhenI

atewithmyparentsandmysister,itwasprettymuchafend-for-yourselftypeofsituation.

Foratime,thetablewasquietaseveryonewaseating,anditgavemeachancetonoticesomesmall

things.Victorpickedathisplate,eatingtheedgeofhiseggsandthechewypartsofhisbacon.Kotacuthis
baconintoevenpiecesrightfromthestart,withaformalpoisethatleftmefeelinguncivilizednexttohim.
Jessicaatetoastonly.Ericawastheonlyonewhoseemedtoeatnormally,evenashereyeswerehappy
asshewatchedeveryoneatthetableenjoyingthemeal.

“Sohowdidyoumeetmyson?AndVictor?”Ericasaid.Shehadlookedexcitedlyatthethreeofus

theentiretime,asifwaitingfortherightmomenttoaskthisquestion.

Ifeltmymouthopenslightly,mylipsmovedbuttherightanswersdidn’tcometome.
“Imetheryesterday,”Kotasaidquickly.
“Ionlybumpedintohertoday,”Victorsaid,spearingapieceofbaconwithhisforkandthefireinhis

eyeslitupashefocusedonmeinanamusedway.“Kindofsurprisedmetobehonest.”

Iblushed.
“Willyoubegoingtotheirschool?”Ericaasked.
“Yup,”Kotasaid.“She’sinthesamegradeasus.”
Erica’seyesflewfromhersontoVictorandbackatme.“You’vegotsuchalovelyvoice,Sang,”she

said,asmallsmileonherlipsandlightlyscoldingtone.“Andthatventriloquismthingyoudoisamazing.
Arealtalent.”

KotaandVictorbothtingedredatthecheeks.
“You know how guys are,” I said, offering a grin and a playful tone. “Give them two minutes, they

thinktheyknoweverything,”Iquipped.

Victordroppedhisfork,gawking.
Kotalaughedsohardhiseyesshutandhishandwenttohisstomach.
Ericabrightened.“Smartgirl.”Shedrummedherknucklesonthetableandthenstood,pickingupher

owndish.“Keepaneyeonthisone,Kota.She’sgotyournumber.”

“Notyetshedoesn’t,”Kotasaidunderhisbreath.HismotherhadturnedawaybythenbutIheardit.

Heturnedhisfacetomeandwinked.Thereflectionfromthelightcaughtinhisglasses,givinghimsucha
strangelookthatIcouldn’thelpbutgiggle.

Whentherestofusfinished,IattemptedtohelptoclearthetablebutEricashooedusoutside.“Don’t

wastetheday.Goenjoyyourselves.”Shebeamedasmileatme,lookingsohappyIcouldn’trefuse.

Jessicaheadedofftoanotherpartofthehouse.Kota,VictorandIwentoutside.Thesunwasoutand

therewasahintofthechillleftfromtherainbutthesunwaswarmingthingsupquickly.Smallpoolsof
watercollectedinspotsintheyard.Theconcreteofthedrivewaywasdrythoughandwarmedmyfeet.I
didlikewalkingaroundbarefootoutsidebutnexttotheguyswhohadonfullsocksandshoes,Ifeltlikea
bum.

Kota’sdogwastetheredtoaleadatthebackofthehouse.Nowinthedaylight,Ilaughedatseeingit

wasaGoldenretriever.Lastnightithadfeltlikeahorse.Assoonashesawus,hepaddedover,crossing
theconcretedrivetogreetus.IduckedbehindKotasohewouldn’tjumponmeagain.

Kotaspreadoutanarm,stoppingMaxwithapalmheldoutinfrontofhim.“No.Sit.Youdidenough

damagealready.”

Thedogobeyed,givingonlythesmallestofwhinesandthensinkingdowntoasittingposition.

Victorlookedatmybandagedhand.“SothatwasfromMax?”
Inodded.“Itwasn’thisfault.HejustsurprisedmeandIhitthepavement.”
Victor looked sympathetic. Now thinking about the wound, my good hand moved to shield the

bandagesfromthesunshiningonit.Itfeltalittleitchy.AgrayBMWwasparkedinthedrivewaybehind
thebrownsedaninthecorner.Ididn’tknowcars,buttheBMWlookedbrandnew.

“Alright,outwithit,”Victorsaid.Hisarmscrossedhischestandhelookedfirmlyatthebothofus.

“I’vebeenplayingalongallmorning.I’dliketoknowwhatkindoftroubleI’mdiggingmyselfinto.”

I glanced at Kota, but Kota gave no sign of hesitation. “She was out late walking home when Max

broketheleadand...well...Icouldn’tjustlethergohomebleeding.”

My heart fluttered but I nodded, agreeing with him. “I was out so late that sneaking back in would

havemeantmoretroubleatmyhouse.”

“Itjustkindofhappened,”Kotafollowedup.
Victor looked back and forth at the two of us, as if trying to decide something. The fire in his eyes

settledonme.Theintensitywasturnedupsomuchthatitcausedmetoshiverandlookaway.

“Giveherabreak,Vic,”Kotasaid.Hisbodymovedinfrontofmeagain,creatingablockbetweenthe

twoofus.IlookedaroundKota’sshoulder.Victor’seyeslockedwithmine.Iwasn’tsurewhatexchanged
betweenusbutsomehowVictorseemedtounderstand.WhateveritwasIwasn’ttellinghimnow,itwas
embarrassingandmaybeifweweren’tcompletestrangers,I’dtalkaboutitlater.

“Okay,”Victorsaid.Heshruggedandthenstuffedhishandsintothepocketsofhisslacks.Henodded

towardtheBMW.“Well,IcameovertotakeKotatothemall.Areyougoingwithus?”

Goingoutwiththem?Toamall?CouldIgetawaywithit?IwantedtogobutIalsodidn’twantto

intrudeonplansalreadymade.WouldmyparentssendmysistertolookformeanddiscoverthatIwasn’t
around? No. Since we’d moved in, they hardly noticed when I left or came back. They got used to me
walkingaroundinthewoods.Ijustneededtobecareful.Still,astheguyslookedatmeandwaitedforan
answer,Ifeltnervousgoingout.Wouldtheyseemeasthethirdwheel?

“Maybewecanputthatoffforafewhours,”Kotasaid,Isupposesensingmyhesitation.
“No.”Ishookmyhead,bendingdowntopetMaxwhohadbeenpatientenoughsittingatKota’sfeet.I

started petting him and he rolled back to expose his belly for me to scratch. It also gave me a good
deterrenttothinkofanexcuse.“It’sokay.Youguysgo.I’vegotthingstodo.Iwouldn’twanttoslowyou
twodown.”Ididwanttogo,though.IfeltsillyforwantingtobutI’veneverhadtheopportunitybefore.
WhydidIhavetobesoshyandscared?IwishedIcouldbenormal.

Kotacrouchednexttome,hisheadturnedtowardmyface.“Doyouwanttogo?”
Ishrugged,tryingtolookcasualaboutit.“Itprobablydoesn’tmatter.Iwouldn’tbeallowedanyway.”

Crap.Ihadn’tmeanttoletthatslipout.

Outofmyperipheralvision,Icouldsensetheyweredoingthatthingagainaboutexchanginglooks.

Their silent communication amazed me. I wanted to ask how long they knew each other but just being
aroundthem,itfeltliketheywerealmostbrothers.

“Whatifwewentandasked?”Victorputhandsonhiships.“Imean,we’renotaxmurderers.”
I couldn’t help but smile at his words. His fire eyes sparked at what must have been a strange

expressionin that moment.“It’s complicated. Mymom would just sayno right off.It won’t matter who
asks.”

“Wecouldtry,”Kotasaid.
Itwistedmymouth,comingupwithaplan.IfIwasn’tgoingtodeterthemfromtakingmewiththem,I

wasn’tabouttoletthemintothelion’sdentofaceoffmyparents.“Ifyoureallywantmetogo,givemea
fewminutes,”Isaid.

“Whatareyougoingtodo?”Kotaasked,hisheadtiltedandlookingpuzzled.
“She’sgoingtolie,dummy,”Victorsaid,thecornerofhismouthmovingdown.

Kotafrowned,standingupandrubbingathischin.Inoticedhisnailswerewellmanicured.“Really,

it’snobigdealifwegotalktothem.”

“I think it’s better if I just make a quick appearance and then don’t mention I’m going. They won’t

noticeI’mmissingforafewhours.”

TheysharedanotherlookandthenVictorshruggedandturnedbacktome.“We’llwait.”
Istoodupandlookedatbothofthem,edgingawaybeforeturningtowalkdowntheroad.Wouldthey

reallywaitforme?WouldIcomebackhereandfindthemgone?Ifeltpathetic,wantingsobadtotrytobe
coolsotheywouldlikeme.Ididn’tknowanyoneandhereweretwoguys...incrediblycuteguystaking
some distorted interest in someone like me. It felt unreal. I was average looking, I thought. I was a shy
person.Theydidn’thaveareasontobeinterested.They’vebeensonicesofarthough.Ididn’twantto
ruinityet.

“Wait,” Kota said, coming up behind me. I turned and he was pointing to the house. “I forgot. Your

shoesareinside.”

Iwavedmyhandintheairbetweenus.“Ohyeah.Andmybag.”
Heclosedthespacebetweenus,bringinghisfaceclosetomineandwhisperingtome.“Isitokayfor

youtobringyourbaghome?Willtheyaskquestions?ShouldIgogetit?”

Ismiled.WhydidIfeelsowarmlyfuzzy?Isthiswhathavingfriendsfeelslike?Myexpressionmust

havebeenstrangetoreadtoVictor,whostoodbackathiscar,leaningagainstit,andcrossinghisarms
overhischest.Helookedpuzzledatusbutkepthislipspursed.

“There’s some backstairs at my house. As long as my sister doesn’t take an interest, it should be

okay.”

HenoddedandturnedtoVictor.“Justgrabbingherstuff,”hesaid.Kotacrossedthedrivetothegarage

anddisappearedinside.

Victor’sfireeyessmolderedatme,asIfollowedKotabackintohishouse.Myheartthumpedagainst

mybreasttheentiretime.Ihadfriends.WasitalwaysthiseasyforpeopleandIjustnevertooktheriskor
had the opportunity? Anxiety threaded through me. How badly I wanted to not let this connection be
severed.Atthesametime,itfeltsurreal.MaybeIwasjustimaginingitandtheywerejustbeingnicebut
cometomorrowthey’dgetboredandforgetaboutme.

WouldIeverfeelcomfortablebeingaroundotherpeople?

Fiveminuteslater,Ihaddroppedoffmybagintomycloset,grabbedapairofsandalsandranback

outside. My dad was already at work. My mom was in her bedroom and my sister was nowhere to be
found.

NooneinmyfamilyreallygavememuchnoticeunlesstheyknewforsureIwaswithsomeonethey

didn't know. I was well known to exploring the woods and this neighborhood was surrounded by a
woodedareathatwentonforquiteadistance.Theonlywarningmyparentshadtoldmewhenwefirst
movedintotheneighborhoodwastonotgetlostandtonottalktoanyone.

I had been right. Just leaving was better than asking. My only worry was someone might spot me

gettingintothecarwiththeboys.

I exited the house through the side door that opened up to the large double-sided garage. Out in the

drivewaysattheBMW.Ibitmylowerlipandmadeadashforthecar.

Kota got out of the front passenger side. He held the door open for me, looking toward the house.

“Whatdidyousaytothem?”

“Nothing,” I said quickly and hopped into the car, slipping into the smooth leather seat, feeling the

coolnessofthematerialonmythighs.Theinteriordidsmellbrandnew.

Kotalookedoverthetopofthecar,studyingthehouse.Insilence,Ipleadedwithhim.Justgetinand

let’s go, I thought. It’ll be fine unless someone spots us. I knew they really couldn’t understand why I

neededtosneakout.Iftheytriedtoaskmyparentsorforcedtheissue,thisfriendshipbetweenuswould
beoverbeforeitevergotachance.

Hiseyessweptoverthetwo-storygrayhome.Therewasawideconcreteporchoutfront,thetwocar

garageontheoutside,ascreenedinporchinthebackandaseparateshedtowardtheendofthedriveway.
Theyardwasatleastanacre.Itwasalittlebiggerthantherestofthehomesintheneighborhood,butnot
overly so. I wondered what he thought of a girl who would live in such a place and dashed off in the
middle of the night. I assumed he probably thought I was a complete brat, unhappy with not getting my
ownway.Iwantedtotellhimhowuntruethatwas.Thehousewasbigbutthehousewashollow.Aprison
thatmymotherfeltwasprotectionbutkeptmefrombeinganormalteenagerforyears.

Heturnedawayfromthehouseatlastandclimbedintothebackseat.ThebreathI’dbeenholdingon

toescapedfrombetweenmylips.Inthebackofmymind,IknewsomedayI’dhavetoexplainmyfamily
toKotaifIwantedtoremainfriendswithhim.Hewassmartandwouldcatchon.WouldhetellVictoror
otherkidsatschoolhowstrangeIwas?Wouldtheyrefusetohaveanythingtodowithmeiftheyknewthe
truth?

Victor put the car into reverse. My eyes locked directly on the house, and I could only hope that I

wouldn’t be spotted. I couldn't explain to my parents what this was. There was no way to prove to my
motherthatKotaandVictorweren’tgoingtorapemeorforceheroineintomysystem.OfcourseIdidn’t
haveproofbutI’dalwaysknownpeopleweren’treallylikethat.Noteveryoneintheworldwasevillike
mymothertoldmenearlyeverydayforoverfifteenyears.Nomatterwhat,theycouldneverknowabout
KotaandVictor.WhenIhadtimetogettheboystolikemebetter,I’dtrytoexplainittothem.Myparents
couldneverknow.

WasitsillywantingsomeonetolikemesomuchasmuchasIwantedKotaandVictortolikeme?It

wasthefirsttimeIeverhadfriends.Itfeltsoimportantnow,somethingthatlastnightwasn’tevenonmy
mind.

Nomatterwhat,Ihadtokeepthisseparation,puttingupawallbetweenmyfamilylifeandmyprivate

lifeoutsideofthehouse.

S

ILAS

V

ictor drove the half circle that was Sunnyvale Court and was out on the highway within a few

minutes.Hemetupwiththeinterstateacouplemilesaway,headingeastintoCharleston.Ihadnoidea
wherethismallwas.Tworulesbroken.IwaswithstrangersandIwaslost.

Inmyexcitement,Ihadn’tpaidattentiontotheconversationbetweenVictorandKota.
“Isheanswering?”Victorsaid,adjustingtherearviewmirrorashespeddowntheroad.
“Hey,youready?”Kotaasked.Iturnedtoseehehadpulledoutacellphone,onepalmwasagainsthis

earandtheotherpressingthephonetohishead.“We’realmostthere.”

“Whoarewegetting?”IaskedVictor.
“An ax murderer.” He grinned, the fire in his eyes lighting up. He glanced over at me. “Will you

pleasebucklein?It’sbadenoughwekidnappedyou.”

I hid my smile from him, rather liking the idea that these cute guys kidnapped me. That meant they

wantedmearound,right?Myheartwasracingatthisadventure.Notwantingtogettoocarriedaway,I
reachedfortheseatbeltandstrappedmyselfin.

Victorstartedplayingwiththeradio,scanningthroughstations.
“That’sgood,”Kotasaidatarockstation.Victorignoredhimandskippedtoanotherone.“Thatone’s

fine, too.” I didn’t know if Kota was interested in the music or more worried that Victor wasn’t really
payingattentiontohisdriving.Heseemednervous.

Victorfrowned,flippingawayfromthestation.Soonhelandedononethatwasplayinganorchestral

piece.Hestoppedandturnedupthevolume,theviolintemporapid.“Willthisputyoutosleep?”Victor
askedme.

“IloveVivaldi.”
Hismouthpoppedopen,hishandtemporarilylettinggoofthesteeringwheel.“Whatdidyousay?”
My eyes went wide and I nodded to the wheel. He recovered and took it over again. “I said I like

Vivaldi. Summer is okay,” I said, motioning to the radio that was playing the piece. “I like Winter best
though.”

Victor’slipspursedbuthiseyesheldthatsamefire.HeglancedupatthemirrorandIknewhewas

sharinganotherlookwithKota.Iwastryingtofigureoutthissecretlanguagetheyshared.DidhethinkI
wasweirdthatIknewsomeclassicalmusicorevenadmittedthatIlikedit?Maybethiswasatest.Would
Ieverbeabletounderstand?

Wepulledofftheinterstateandtookashortdriveintoanapartmentcomplex.Iwasleaningagainstthe

window,feelingthesunonmyface.Therewasanemptyswimmingpoolnearthefrontandtenniscourts
andalargepondinthemiddlewithtwofountains.Thewholeplacelookedmorelikearesort.

“Willyoustopbeingcute?Yournoseissmudgingthewindow.Mygod,you’reworsethanapuppy,”

Victorsaid,makingaslowturnthroughthecomplex.

I blushed and sat back. Victor glanced back at me, a playful smirk on his face. His request had me

wonderingifhewasdispleasedbuthedidn’tappeartobe.“Sorry,”Isaid.

“She’snew,”Kotasaid.“She’sgoingtobeinterestedinstuff.”

“Igotthat,Sherlock,thankyou,”Victorsaid,tiltinghisheadslightlyashetalkedtohisfriend,spying

himthroughthemirror.Hepulleduptoarowofcarsatthelastbuildingofthecomplexandthenyanked
thesticktoparkhiscar.“Let’sgogetSilas.”

“Who’sSilas?”Iasked,unbuckling,feelinggoofysinceIjustputthethingon.Iwasn’tevensureifhe

had been talking to me but I didn’t want to wait in the car. My skin was tingling with being free. With
friends.Outintheircar.Itwashardnottobesoexcited.

“Goestoourschool,”Kotasaidafterhegotout.Hepointedtowardthelastdooronthesecondfloor.

“Headonup.”

Whenwegottothesecondfloor,Victortuggedmebythearm.“Standhere,”hesaid,pointingtothe

spotjustinfrontofSilas’sdoor.Imovedwherehetoldmeto.Hebuzzedthedoorbellandsteppedback,
pullingKotawithhimagainstthewall.

IjustrealizedhewasleavingmetofaceSilasalonewhenthedooropened.Theguywasatleasta

headandahalftallerthanKota.Hishairwasadeepblack,shiningwithalightbehindhimreflectingon
it.Hiseyeswereadeepbrown,almostblackintheshadowoftheoverhangovertheapartment.Hisjaw
wasfirm,squared.HismusclesunderhisblackRedSoxt-shirtwereprominent.EvenhisdarkblueLevis
lookedbulkyatthethighs.Hewasrawpower.

I was speechless. I wasn’t sure what to say or how to respond. Silas stared down at me, looking

confused.

“Doyouhavethewrongplace?”heasked.Hisvoicewasdeep,nearlyreverberatingthroughme.
“Whatapickupline,”Victorpipedin.
SilastwistedwherehestoodtoseeVictorleaningagainstthewall,hisarmsfoldedathischest.Kota

stoodbehindhim,lookingasifhewasn’tsureifheshouldbelaughingandinsteadhadthepalmofhis
handupagainstthebackofhishead,halfshrugging.

“Who’sshe?”Silasdemanded.
“I’mSang,”Isaid.
Silasturnedtomeandraisedathickdarkeyebrow.“Huh?”Thewayhepeereddownatme,Iknewit

wasn’thisfault,buthemademefeelsosmall.“Saythatagain.”Ipickedupthathehadanaccent.Itwas
veryslight.IwantedtosayEuropean.Histhicklipscurledinawaywhenhetalkedthathadmewanting
toaskhimtosaymorethings,too.

“MynameisSang,”Isaid.
“Shemovedintoahousedowntheroadfrommine,”Kotaexplained.“She’scomingalong.”
Silas’s forehead wrinkled and he blew an impatient huff, but shrugged and waved me off. “Let me

closethedoor.”Ashestoodinfrontofhisdoor,Icouldseehowbroadhisshoulderswere.Therewasa
slightgrufflookasifhedidn’tshavethatmorning.Itmadehimlookalotmorehandsomebutitalsomade
himlookolder.Sincehewassotall,too,itwashardtoimaginewewereinthesamegrade.

“We’ve got to work on your people skills,” Victor said as we headed back to his car. “You’re

supposedtoatleastsayhellowhenyouanswerthedoor.”

“Shelookedlost,”Silassaid.Ikepttakingpeeksathisface.Hisfeatureswerestriking.Soulfuldeep

eyes and an olive complexion. He looked over at me and I blushed at getting caught staring. “I didn’t
scareyou,didI?”heasked.

Ishookmyhead,althoughalittletooquickly.Iwantedtosaysomethingconvincingbutthetruthwas

hedidkindofscareme.Ididn’twanttoadmititbutbeinginadarkalleywithhimandnotknowingwho
hewaswouldhaveprobablybeenenoughtomakemepeemypants.

HeonlylookedpartiallyrelievedandIwasn’tquitesureifhebelievedme.
Backatthecar,Kotaopenedthepassengerdoorformeagain,lookingintentlyatme.
“Silasshouldtakethefrontseat,”Isaid.“He’sgotlongerlegs.”
“Idon’tmind,”Silassaid.

“NeitherdoI.”Ididn’tmeantobesopersistentbutifIwasgoingtogetthemtolikeme,Ihadtodo

nicethings.Ididn’tneedtobecoddledbecauseIwasthegirl.Also,Ihadnoideahowfarawaythismall
was.Whatifhewasbottledupforanhour?

Hetiltedhisheadfromsidetoside,asifweighingoutthesituation.Somethingsoftenedinhisface

andherelented.

“Someonegetin,”Victorcalled.Hewasalreadybehindthewheel.
KotamovedawayfromthedoorandSilasgotintothefrontseat.Iwasactuallyrelieved.Iwouldhave

feltterribletoseeSilashavetogetbehindmeandhehadtoscrunchhisknees.

IsatnexttoKota,thistimerememberingtopluginmyseatbelt.Kotadidthesameandwewereoff.
SilasimmediatelyreachedfortheradiotofiddlewithitbutVictorslappedathishand.“Hey,when

youdrive,yougettopick.”

“Sangwouldn’tlikethisstuff,”hesaid.
“Shealreadysaidshedid.”
Silasraisedaneyebrowandturnedtome.“Isheshittingme?”
Iraisedmyfingerstomymouth,thetipsplayingwithmylowerlip.“I,uh...”
“Shelikesit,”Kotasaidforme.
“ButIlikerock,too,”Isaidquickly.“Andsomeotherstuff.Ilikealotofdifferenttypesofmusic.”
SilasshotVictoracockysmile.“You’reoutnumbered.Kotalikesrock.”
“Kotalikesanything.”
IgaveasideglancetoKota.HeslippedaconspiratorialgrinandIsmiledback,silentlyamusedatthe

conversation.

The two continued to argue about the radio, switching between stations at every other song. Victor

groanedaboutsqueakyguitarsandSilascomplainedaboutbeingputtosleepbyapiano.Theywereallso
different.Howintheworlddidtheybecomefriends?

Iwaswatchingoutthewindowatthetreesandcarsthatwepassed,tryingtorememberthedirection

Victorwastaking.Thepalmtreeswerethemoststrikingtome.Havinglivedupnorthforsolong,itwas
strangetome.Everythingwasgreenandtheskyappearedtobeaslightlydifferentshadeofblue,lighter,
crispandfullofpromise.

Soon the interstate had signs promising of a mall and the car was pulling into the lot to a mall that

lookedbiggerinthehandfulI’deverseen.

Assoonasthecarwasparked,Silasjumpedoutandopenedmydoorforme.Iblushed,thankedhim

andsteppedawaysohecouldshutit.

Wewalkedinthroughtheclosestdepartmentstoretogether.Kotaheldopenthefirstsetofdoorsfor

allofus,Silasheldopenthesecondset.Ismiledtomyselfaboutit.Iwonderedifitwasnormalorifthey
weretryingtobenicesinceIwasnew.

Themallwasn’ttoocrowdedthatmorning.Theboystookonlyamomenttogetorientedandthenset

off in a direction, walking past stores. They started talking and I fell behind them, unsure what to say,
unsurewheretostand.Ihadn’tevennoticedIhaddoneit.Itjustseemedlikethenaturalthingtodo.My
headwasswivelingonmynecktopeekinatthestoresaswepassedthemby.Bitsoftheconversation
driftedtomebuttheyweremovingquickly,IwasjusttryingtomakesureIwaskeepingup.

Iwaspeekinginatstores,checkingoutwhatwasopenwhenVictorstoppedshortinfrontofmeandI

crashedintohim.Mychesthithisback,myhandsmethiships,andmylipsbrushedatthebackofhisneck
at the base, a little too hard as my lip tingled after. My breath caught and I backed off of him quickly,
embarrassed.

Victor’sfacetingedredashelookedbackatme.“Christ,youscaredme.Iwasjustwonderingwhere

you’dgone.”Hishandwenttothebackofhisneckandthenhisheadtilted,hismouthopeninginsurprise.
Isupposedherealizedwhatmusthavehappened.Ipracticallyaccidentallykissedhisneck.

“Sorry.Ididn’tmeantobefollowingyousoclosely.”
“Youshouldn’tbewalkingbehindus,”Kotasaid.
“Yeah. Come on. Walk up here with us,” Silas offered. He reached out, taking my hurt wrist, only I

winced.Henoticedandhepulledmeclose,turningmyhandoverandcheckingoutthebandages.“Who
didthistoyou?”Hiseyeswidenedatme,intentandalmostharsh.Hefullyexpectedananswer.

“ItwasMax,”Kotasaid.“Hejumpedonherandshedidn’texpectit.”
Howmanytimeswouldwehavetotellthisstory?
Silasseemedsatisfied.“I’msorryifIhurtyou.”
Ishookmyhead.“I’mfine.”MyvoicewassofterthanImeantforittobebuthisshowofconcernhad

myheartpoundingtoofastforme.IwantedtopressapalmtomychestatthewhirlofemotionsIwas
feelingaroundthem.MeetingonenicepersonlikeKotawasfine.Threeintwentyfourhours?Itamazed
meagainathowwrongmyparentswereabouttheoutsideworld.

Silastookmyarmagain,gentlerthistime,andguidedmeuntilIwaswalkingnexttohim.Victorand

Kotastoodathisotherside.Againwestartedtowalk,andthistimetheymovedslowersoIcouldkeep
up.

“Wherearewegoing?”Iasked.Theyseemedtopassbyalotofinterestingshopswithoutlookingat

anyofthem.

“We’regoingtogetfittedforsomenewsuits,”Victorsaid.
IglancedatSilasandKota.“Allofyou?”
Theynodded,lookingasifthiswasasexpected.
“Aretheseschoolclothes?”Iscratchedabsentmindedlyatmywrist.Ithadn’toccurredtomethatthe

new school, even if it was a public one, might require uniforms or something. Would I need to wear
somethingspecific?

The three exchanged glances. Silas slipped his hands into his pockets. Victor cleared his throat but

saidnothing.Kotaspokeup.“Sortof.Justforthenicerevents.Wethoughtit’dbeeasiertogetitdone
nowinsteadofwhenallthoseformaldancesstarthappening.”

Wasthatnormal?Howstrange.Iwouldhaveneverthoughtofthat.
We came up to a men’s clothing store and at the entryway, the three guys were greeted by a male

attendant.Kotaapproachedhimquickly,leaninghisheadintohimtotalk.

Silas stepped up to me, cutting off my view of Kota. His hands were in his pockets and he looked

downatme.“Didyouwanttogolookaroundsomewhereelse?”

Washetryingtogetridofme?Iwasn’tsurebutbeforeIcouldanswer,Victorpipedin.
“Have her stay,” he said. Silas turned to him but Victor looked at me. “There’s usually a couch or

somethingaroundhere.”

“Idon’twanthertogetbored,”Silassaid.
“Shewon’tbebored.”Victorcameclosertome,agleamamidthefireinhiseyes.“Doyouhavea

phoneonyou?”

Ishookmyhead,blushingatrevealinghowoutoftouchIwas.Whoouragedidn’thaveacellphone?
Hereachedintohisbackpocket.“See,Silas?Ifshewalkedoff,wewouldhavehadtohuntherdown.

Idon’twanttoloseher.”VictorpassedmewhatlookedlikethelatestiPhone.“PlaysomeAngryBirds.
Downloadwhateverappyouwant.Wewon’tbelong.”

KotaandtheattendantwaitedforSilasandVictortojointhem.Silaspassedmealook,notseeming

toodispleasedthatIwasactuallystickingaround.

I held Victor’s phone to my chest, still feeling the warmth of his body that had heated up the metal

cover.Ifoundasmallsofanotfarfromtheentranceandsatdown.Theleatheroftheseatwascoolagainst
mybarelegbutalsosticky.Ifoldedmyskirtdown,smoothingoutthematerialandthenrecheckedtomake
suretheshirtwasfullycoveringthebruiseonmyback.Theboysdisappearedintothebackofthestore.

IwastoonervoustoevenlookatVictor’sphoneatfirst.WhatsortofthingscouldIlearnabouthim?

Howtrustingwashethathesimplyhandedhisphonetomewithoutaflinchofconcern?Isworetomyself
Iwouldn’tbetrayhistrust.

Acoupleofattendantsmaterializednexttomeandaskedpolitelyiftherewassomethingtheycoulddo

for me. I declined each time, expressing that I was only waiting. As other customers started poking
throughracksofclothesnearby,Iappearedtobereallyinterestedinthephone.IfoundtheAngryBirds
appandbecameengrossedwithknockingoverpigs.

“Sang.Whatdoyouthink?”
Ilookedupandmybreathsimplydisappearedfrommylungs.Ifeltmyjawdropandthephonealmost

slipped from my hands. Kota appeared in front of me in a black suit with light charcoal pinstripes. I
caughtsightofatagagainstthesleevethatsaidArmani.Wasn'tthatreallyexpensive?Heworeablack
collareddressshirtunderneath.Thewholeensemblewasfittedtoframehisbody,anditshowed.Thecut
wasverynice.“Whatdoyouthinkoftheblackshirt?”Hisfingercaughtthebridgeofhisglassesandhe
slid them a little higher on his nose. He turned to show me the side, smoothing out the material of the
jacket.

Myheartwasdoingflipflops.Hecouldhavemodeledforthecatalog.Hewasaskingmyopinion?I

leanedforward,feelingthewordsrushingfrommymouth.“It’sgorgeous.”Itwasthemostawkwardthing
tosayandIregretteditthemomentitslippedfrommylips.

He blushed but I caught the corner of his mouth drifting up. “I mean do you think it’d be better in

white?Youknow,somethingmoretraditional?”

Ishookmyhead.“It’ddetractfromthestripes.Thoughyou’dprobablywantatie.Maybeinred?”I

hadneverbeenaskedmyopiniononfashion.Ihadafledglingideaofwhatlookedgoodtome.Whenit
cametomyownclothes,IjusttriedtomatchwhatIsawontelevisionandwhattheotherstudentswere
wearing.

He seemed to consider what I was saying. “Elegant,” he said softly. He smiled at me, seeming

satisfiedwithmyanswer.“You’renottoobored,areyou?”

Iliftedthephoneinmyhandtohalfshowittohim.“LevelfifteenofAngryBirds.”
He beamed. “We’re just wrapping up.” He waved to me and disappeared back among the racks of

jacketsandpants.

I was on level twenty when the guys came back. They were empty handed. For some reason I had

thought they would bring back those clothes in bags but then I remembered this was a fitting. The
attendantsprobablyneededtomakesomealtercations.

“Hey, you,” Victor said when he spotted me. His hands were in his pockets and his cheeks were

flushed.HisexpressionconfusedmeandIstoodupquicklytogreetthem.Ihandedhisphoneback.He
tookitfromme,checkingthescreen.“You’requick.Andallthreestars.”

Mysmilefalteredalittle.“Ididn’truinyourgame,didI?”
Helookedupquickly.“No,”hesaidandhetuckedhisphonebackintohispocket.
“He’sjusttwitterpated,”Silassaid.Theshadowofagrinstretchedfromhisface,asifhe’djustbeen

laughingandwasabouttostartintoanotherfit.

VictorshotoutafisttopunchatSilas’sarm.“ShutuporI’mleavingyouhere.”
IlookedtoKota.Heshookhisheadandrolledhiseyes.“Comeon.Let’sdosomethingelse.”
“Wheredoyouwanttogo,Sang?”Silasasked.
Ithoughtaboutit.“IsitbadifIsaycanwejustwalkaround?I’dliketoseewhat’shere.”
“Asensiblerequest,”Kotasaid.
Weleftthestore.AgainIwasnexttoSilasattheendandVictorandKotaontheothersideofhim.

ThistimeinsteadoftalkingtoeachothertheytookthetimetopointoutdifferentshopstheythoughtI’dbe
interested--mostlyclothingandshoes.IhidmygrinattheirattemptstocatchmyeyeandseeifIwas

impressed.Iwasn’tsurewhattheywerewantingmetosay.

Wewerecirclingacourtyardwherethemallsplitintodifferentdirectionswhensomeonewalkingby

bumpedhardintome.Istaggeredbackward,catchingmyselfbeforeIfell.Myhandwentbacktomyarm,
protectiveofthewound.

“Hey!”Silasspunaround.Hecaughtmebytheshouldersandbroughtmeclosetohimbeforeturning

his head at the guy that had bumped into me. “Watch where you’re going.” His voice was deeper now,
almostagrowl.

Myheartthunderedinmychest.Silas’shandsfeltsobigasheheldontomyshouldersandhestoodso

closethatIfelthisbodywarmth.Ithinkitmadememorenervousthantheconfrontation.

“Dude,shebumpedintome.”Theguyhaddarkhair,wasthin,hadagoateeandlookedaboutourage.

He had a couple of friends lingering behind him. Their pants hung low on their hips and they all wore
oversizedsportt-shirts.Theguywhobumpedintomegavemealook,tiltedhisheadbackanddirected
hischinatme.“Heygirl.”

“I saw you lean into her,” barked Silas. He moved in front of me, shielding me. I gasped a little,

stuttering.Iwantedtosaylet’sgetgoingbutIcouldn’tmouththewords.Heseemedsoangry.Heturned
hisheadbacktowardme.“Juststaybehindme,”hesaid.

“Dude,fuckyou.Youdon’tknowshit.”Theguywasslurringhiswordsalittle,makingitdifficultto

understandhim.

“Comeon,Silas,”Kotasaid.IglancedatVictor.Hisfistswereclenched,hisjawwassetasheglared

attheguysbuthedidn’tmove.Itwaslikehewaswaitingforsomething.Ishothimalookandhecaught
myeyes.Igaveaquickshake,myeyeswide,silentlypleadingwithhimjusttobackoff.Let’sgo,Iurged
wordlessly.Idon’twanttrouble.

Therewasasilencethatlingeredonandmyhandsstartedtotremble.IreacheduptoSilastotouchhis

back,warmingmypalmagainsthim.

SuddenlySilasturnedaroundandurgedmeforward.KotaandVictorfollowed.ThistimeSilasput

meontheotherside,soIwaswalkingbetweenhimandVictor.

“ShouldI...”Istartedtosay.
“Justkeepmoving,”Silasorderedthroughclenchedteeth.
WeturnedintoanotherpartofthemallandpassedafewstoresbeforeSilaspointedatabookstore

andwemovedtogetherintoit.Victorgraspedmygoodwrist,guidingmetotheback.Myheartwasabout
toexplode.Itwascloseenoughthathewasalmostholdingmyhand.

Silas and Kota stayed near the front, glancing at the new novels on racks near the wide windows.

Theyoccasionallyglancedatthedoor.

Atthebacknearthechildren’sbooks,Victortuggedmeoutofthealleyandpushedmeuntilmyback

wasagainstawallofbooks,hidingmefromviewfromthefront.Hecheckedaroundme,glancingtoward
thedoor.Hepulledbacktofaceme.Hisfireeyesheldaglazeashelookedatmeandhebrushedbacka
lockofhairthathadfallenintomyeyes.“Youokay?”

Inoddedandtriedtospeakbuthadn’trealizedmythroatwasdry.Iswallowedandthenstartedagain.

“It’sfine.Didtheywalkaway?”

“Ithinktheyfollowedusalittlebutlostinterest.Justhangingoutforamomenttomakesure.”
Iwasn’tsurehowtosuggestit,butitwasalmostlikeitwasrehearsedthewaytheyworkedtogether.

Withouttalking,theysplitupandknewexactlyhowtohandlethings.Therewasnothingformetosay.It
wasn’tlikeitwaspossibleorthattheyplannedthesituation.Liketheirsilentcommunication,Isupposed,
wasitjustsomethingtheymanagedtodotogether?Dogoodfriendsgettoknoweachothersowellit’s
liketheycansimplyworkinsuchacoordinatedfashion?

Kota poked his head around the bookshelf. It spooked me a little but I caught myself. “You guys

okay?”

Inodded,smiling.
“We’regood,”Victorsaid.
“We’lljusthangaroundafewmoreminutes.Justlooklikeyou’rebrowsing.”
“Noproblem,”Isaid.Nowthatthesituationfeltover,Iwasglancingatbooktitles,myeyesinstantly

attractedtosomeofthethickervolumes.

“Youlikebooks?”Victorasked,catchingmylook.
“Whodoesn’t?”
Kotaalmostgaveahootinlaughter.Ididn’tcatchwhatwassofunny.Victorjustsmiled.“Haveatit,”

hesaid,usheringwithahandformetoleadtheway.

Ifeltliketheyweregoingtofollowme.Ihadn’tanticipatedthat.Ilostmyselfintheshelves,checking

forthefictionsectionandthennotingtheauthorsandcoverstylesofthenovels.

“Ithinkit’sgroupedbygenre,”Kotasaid.
Iknelt,lookingatafewtitlesIrecognized.“It’skindofmixedup.Ithinkthesearemorehorrorbut

theylumpedthemwithgeneralfiction.”

He looked over my head to check out what I was pointing to. He put his hand on my shoulder. It

seemedsuchacasualtouch,againsomethingI’dseenotherpeopledoorreadabout.Heseemedtodoit
withoutthinkingandyetmymindwasfilledforthemomentwithnothingbutthewarmthofhisfingers.He
wassoclosethatIcouldsmellthesweetspiceofhiscologne.Ifeltmybodytingling.Itfeltsointimateto
me.“Doyoulikehorror?”heasked.

“Notspooky.Morepsychologicallyscary.Somethingalittlebitsmarterthanaguywithaknifehiding

behindawall.”

“Youlikesmartkillers?”
“I like figuring out the best way to handle bad situations,” I said, although after the words slipped

frommymouthIrealizeditsoundedweird.

WhenIlookedbackathim,agrinslippedawayfromhisface.“Whatelsedoyoulike?”
Victor had disappeared. Being alone with Kota now made my stomach twist, especially since he

insistedonstandingsoclose.Icouldn’tbackawayunlessIwantedtobumpintothebookshelves.Wasit
normal for friends to stand so close to each other? I wished he’d stop looking at my eyes and face. I
wantedtoshieldmyselffromit.“Dependsonmymood,Iguess.Mystery,fantasy...”

Hisheadtilted.“Classics?”
“British,preferably.SherlockHolmesorKingArthur.AlthoughIdidlikeGonewiththeWind.”
SilasappearedfrombehindKota.Hisbrowswerecreasedandhehadhisarmstuckedintohisbody

asiftryingnottotouchanything.“I’mprettysurethey’regone.”

“Good,”Kotasaid,straighteningupandgivingmeenoughroomtostandnexttohimnow.“Thelast

thingweneedrightnowisanaltercation.”

Silasnoddedinagreementbutglancedatmeandthendodgedhisheadaround,hiseyesscanningthe

store.“Where’dVicgo?”

“We’llgethim,”Kotasaid.ThatgentlepowerfromKota’svoicebecamemoreprominent.Whydidit

feellikehewasgivingorders?“Meetyouinthefront.”

Silasnoddedandheadedback.
“Hedoesn’tcareforbookstores,”Kotaexplainedtomeaswewoundourwaytotheendoftheaisle.

“Thelanesarenarrowsohehatesbumpingintothem.”

IsmiledtomyselfatthethoughtofSilasbeingsoconcernedbutIcouldn’timaginehimclumsy.He

seemedtobefullyincontrolofhisbody.

Itturnedoutwedidn’tneedtohuntforVictor.Hewasupfrontmakingapurchase.Thestoreattendant

wasjustputtingitintoaplasticbagasweapproached.

“What’dyouget?”Iasked.

Heturnedtome,smilingcoolly.“Somesheetmusic.”
“Heplayspiano,”Kotaexplained.
Victornarrowedhiseyesathim.“Iwasgoingtotellher.”
Kotabowedhishead,lookingapologetic.“Sorry.”
“It’sokay,”Isaid,tryingtolightenthemood.“I’mjealous.It’dbereallyneattolearntoplay.”
“Whyhaven’tyou?”Kotaasked.
Ishrugged.“Neverhadapianotofiddlewith.”Myfathermadeenoughmoneyforabighouse,buthe

alwayssaidhecouldn'taffordtokeepupwiththewhimsofhiskidsandherarelyallowedthingsthatcost
money.Iwantedtotrytoexplainitbutitfelttooawkward,toosoon.

AgainlookswereexchangedbetweenKotaandVictor.Thatwasgoingtodrivemecrazy.Ivowedto

myselftotrytocatchtheirlooksandunderstandthislanguagetheyhadbetweenthem.Weretheyfeeling
sorryforme?Confused?ThoughtIwaspathetic?Weretheygoingtolaughaboutthepoorstupidgirllater
whoseparentswouldn’tbuyherapianoandwalkedaloneintherainatnight?

Weleftthebookstoreandcontinuedthetour.WalkingbetweenSilasandVictorwasawkward.Iwas

either brushing arms with one or the other and I kept trying to make my shoulders sink in, drawing my
armsintomybody.Iwaswalkinglikeanidiot,doingmybesttonottouchthem.Iwasn’tsupposedtoget
soclosesosoonthatIcouldjustwalkwithmyarmtouchingsomeoneelse’s,couldI?SinceIwasn’tsure
whatwasappropriatethebestthingtodoseemedtobetokeepadistance.

Afterawhile,myshouldersweresore.Itwasn’tnecessaryanyway.NomatterhowIwalked,Silas

eventually needed to lean into me to get out of the way of people walking by and Victor walked like a
snake,swayingbackandforthacrosshispath.AssoonasIrelaxed,Silas’sforearmbrushedagainstmine.
Iwassurepeoplethoughtwewereholdinghands.Victoronoccasionbumpedintomeandonlysmiled
whenithappened.Somethingtoldmehewasdoingitonpurpose.

I could smell the food court before we ever saw it. Silas’s hand went right to his abs. His stomach

gurgled.Iglancedupathim,tryingnottolaughathismortifiedexpression.Hegavemeahalfsmileand
nodded.“Ithinkit’stimeforsomelunch.”

“Howaboutsushi?”Victorsuggested.“Doyoulikefish,Sang?”
“Nofish,”KotainterjectedbeforeIcouldanswer.“Notafterlasttime.”
“Iwasn’tgoingtotakeherthere,”hesaid.
Silasshothimalook.
Victorgaveafrustratedsigh.“Sang,whatdoyouwant?”
“Ididn’tbringanymoney,guys,”Isaid,blushing.Ididn’twanttoaddthatIdidn’thaveanyatallto

bring. My father didn’t give allowances. “You all pick something you like. I’m still kind of full from
breakfastanyway.”Thatwasn’treallytrue.IwasactuallykindofhungrynowthatIwassmellingfrying
oilandsweets.

“You’regettingsomething,”Silascommanded.“Besides,Victor’spaying.”
Mymouthpoppedopeninan‘o’expression.
Victornoddedwithconfidence.“It’smyturn,anyway.”
Itwasathing,Ithought.Theytookturnbuyingeachotherlunch?Iwonderedwhenmyturnwouldbe.

ItwouldbereallyembarrassingwhentheydiscoveredIcouldn’trepaythemlikethis.

There was a small debate about where to eat but Kota suggested a hamburger place. Victor got an

Angus beef hamburger with Swiss and mushrooms, holding the condiments. Silas ordered three double
cheeseburgersandalargefry.ImimickedKota’sorder,achickensandwichandmediumfries.

Victorremovedablackcreditcardfromhiswalletandswipedit.Hisparentsgavehimacreditcard?

FromwhatI’dreadaboutinbooks,blackcreditcardswerereservedforthereallyrich.Maybethenovels
I’dreadweren’taccuratesoIdismissedit.Aftertheorderwaspaidfor,Iwhisperedaquickthankyouto
him.Heblinkedatme,hisfaceturningredbuthewavedmeoff.

Silasshooedusawaytofindaspottositwhilehewaitedontheorder.Wefilledourdrinksandthen

walkedoutintothemiddleoftheseaoftablesandchairsthatsurroundedarunningcarousel.Iwantedto
pointtoaspotclosetothemiddletoseethepaintonthehorsesbutKotawasthefirstonetosuggesta
spot, one close to the outer edge of the court yard. It wasn’t crowded but he picked the place furthest
awayfromwhereotherpeopleweresitting.

WegottothetableandVictorquicklypulledachairout,lookingdirectlyatme.Iblinked,mutteringa

thankyouandallowinghimtoslidethechairinasIsat.Victorsatnexttome,KotasatinfrontofVictor.
Silasploppeddowninfrontofmewiththetrayoffood.

“Peopleareanimalswhentheygethungry,”Silassaid.“Theguybehindmewasdemandingataco.”
IlaughedandSilas’sdarkeyeslitup.Hepassedthefoodaround.
Silencefelloverthetableasweate.Ifinishedmysandwichandwasnibblingonmyfriesastheguys

finishedupandstartedtalkingagain.Iwashalfpayingattentiontowhattheyweretalkingabout.Ifocused
on people who appeared to be friends. I watched how they walked together. Sometimes they touched.
Sometimestheyhadhandsstuffedintotheirpocketsandtheybumpedtheotheroneinthedirectionthey
wantedtogowithouttalking.

Normal.Thisisnormal.Mymindwhirled,worryingthisdaywouldendtoosoon.WhoknowswhenI

wouldgetanotherchancetojusthangoutlikethis?Wouldtheyevencaretoinvitemeagain?Itprobably
didn’tmatter.Aftertoday,they’dgetoverofbeingnicetothenewgirl.Eitherthatormymomwouldfind
out the truth eventually. I shoved those thoughts to the back of my mind. I was being paranoid and it
annoyedme.Iwasbeingasself-destructiveasmyownmotherthinkinglikethat.

Motionacrossthewalkwaycaughtmyattention.Theguywiththegoateeandhisfriendswereleaning

against the wall of a video game store. The guy with the goatee folded his arms over his chest and he
madekissingfacesmyway.AtfirstmyeyeswidenedbutItriedtoadjustmyself,attemptingtolookbored
anddisinterested.HelaughedbutIslowlyturnedmyeyesasifIhadn’tevennoticed.Iwasn’tsureifI
wasabletohidetheblushIfeltinmycheeks.Ipulledmyselfbackintotheconversation,forcingmyselfto
nibbleatanotherfryeventhoughIwasfull.

“Youcan’tbeserious,”VictorwassayingtoKota.“Notanotherphysicsclass.You’vealreadytaken

allofthem.”

“Notaparticlephysicsone.”
“Tell me they don’t even offer that class,” Victor pushed a palm at his eye, looking pained. “It’s so

pointless.It’stheoretical.Youwon’tuseit.”

Silasshookhishead.Hecaughtmelookingathimandofferedagrin.Isharedoneback,pointingthe

openendofmyfriesathim.

“Youdon’twantanymore?”
“I’mstuffed,”Isaid.
He reached for the carton, his fingers brushing mine. A spark started from my fingertips and then

ignitedinmybelly.Hisfingerswerealittlecoarse,strong,butwarm.

“Thanks,”hesaid.Hisvoicewassofternow.HadhefeltthesamethingIdid?“Whatclassesareyou

goingtotake?”heasked.

I gave a small glance to Kota, who was engrossed in trying to explain his desired classes that he

hadn’theardSilas.WasInowusedtoKotaansweringforme?“Ithinkthere’sprerequisites,aren’tthere?
Iwasgoingtofilluponthose.”

“Youshouldtakesomethingyoulike,”Silassaid.“Itcan’tbeallwork.Unlessyou’relikeKota.”He

jerkedhisheadinKota’sdirectionandthenstuffedhismouthwithsomefries.

I laughed, shrugging a little. “I don’t really know yet. I only glanced at the catalog and some of the

moreinterestingthingsIcan’ttakeyet.”

“Likewhat...”

“Oh my god,” Victor said, his voice rising. The fire burned, his eyes narrowing. “Okay, I’m done.

Sang,areyoufinished?Ican’ttalktohim.”

Kotalookedperplexed.“Youwereasking...”
“I’mnotaskinganymore!”Victorraisedhishandsintheair,wavingindefeat.“Youwin.We’regood.

Let’sjustdosomethingelse.”

IsharedanothergrinwithSilas,eventhoughIwasn’ttotallysureIunderstoodwhatwasgoingon.
“I’mheadedtothebathroomrealquick.I’llberightback.”Victorstood,pushinghischairaway.He

grabbedhisbagandstartingtowalkoff.He’dlefthistrashonthetable.

KotacollectedhisownwrappersandVictor’sandputitallonthetray.“I’llberightback.MaybeI

shouldgoapologize.”HewalkedoffafterVictor.

“Goodluck,”Silassaid.Hestoodup,grabbingthetrayandtakingmyemptywrappertoaddtoit.“I’ll

getridofthis.Waithere.”

Ismiled,shakingmyhead.Theboyswereinteresting.Silaslookedaroundforaplacetothrowtrash.

Hewalkedaroundgroupsofpeoplewaitinginlinefortheirkidsatthecarousel.Hedisappearedbehind
theswirlinghorses.

“Hey,princess,”avoicebehindmesaid.Iturnedaround.TheguywiththegoateesatinSilas’sseat.

Hisoversizedredshirtbillowedaroundhisleanframe.Hislipscurledlikehewasconstantlykissingthe
air.“Yourboysleftyou?”

His pungent cologne that mixed with menthol cigarette smoke drifted from across the table and my

nosewrinkled.“They’llberightback,”Isaid.

He nodded in a sharp. The way he did it made his chin angular and thin. “What’s your name,

sweetie?”

Ijustlookedathim,notsurewhattosay.Hisfriendswerestillacrossthehallway,watchingthetwo

ofus.Whydidhecare?WhydidIgetthefeelingIshouldn’ttalktohim?ImeanIknewhebumpedinto
mebutshouldIjudgeapersonforbeingcareless?

“Isaidwhat’syourname?”heaskedagain.
“I’mSang.”
“Sang?That’sjustfuckingweird.Doyousing?”
Ishookmyhead,blushing.MyheartwaspoundingbutnotinthesamewayithadbeenwithSilasand

theothers.Thiswasdifferent.Thebadfeelinginsideofmehadmymindwhirlingechoedthenegativity
mymotherwhisperedtomeaboutwhathappenedtogirlswhentheywentout.

“I’mGreg.”Hepattedahandonhischest,andtiltedhischintowardme.“Weshouldgoout.What’s

yournumber?”

“I’msorry.Ishouldgo.”Istoodup,pushingmychairin.Myhandflewuptomychest,rubbingover

mythuddingheart.Silaswasstillmissing.Wheredidtheygo?

Greg stood and followed me. For a refuge, I sought out the restrooms. If the guys weren’t around, I

wasgoingtodartintothegirl’sbathroomwherehecouldn’tfollow.

Ibrokeawayfromhimandwalkedaroundtables,headingtowardtheopeningtothehallwaywhere

thereweresignsforrestrooms.AsIgottothehallway,Gregcontinuedonmyheels.“Hey,Iwasasking
youout.Whyareyouwalkingofflikethat?”

“I’malreadyout,”Isaid,myhandsturningintofistsreflexively,feelingcornered.
“Who did that to your hand?” he said, pointing at my bandages. He leapt forward and closed the

distancebetweenus.“Thoseguyshurtyou?”Hisvoicewasgrating,varyinginpitchandthentherewas
thesharpwayheendedhisquestions.ComparedtoKota’spower,Victor’ssmoothbaritoneandSilas’s
deepvoices,Greg’smademeshivercold.

Isteppedawayfromhim,forcingsomedistancebetweenus.Imetwithawall,smackingupagainstit.

Igasped,tryingtosliptothesidetogetoutofhisway.Myheartwasracing,feelingtrapped.

Gregdrewcloser,puttinghisforearmovermyheadagainstthewallabovemeandlookingdownat

me.Hewasn’tthatmuchtallerthanme,maybeonlyacoupleofinches.“Youshouldn’tletthoseguysdo
thingslikethattoyou.Unlessyoulikepain?Isthatyourkink?”

Mymouthdroppedopen.“Seriously,I’mnotinterested.I’msorry.”
Hismouthwentupafractionatthecorner,smirking.“Isitbecauseyou’redatingoneofthoseguys?

Whichone?”

Ishookmyhead,notsurehowtoanswer.
“It’sthetallone,isn’tit?Icouldtell.Youfuckhimyet?”
MymouthwasdryandIchokedoutanotorespond.WhydidIthinkIcouldgetbackhereandescape

him?WherewasKota?

Helaughedandleanedintome.“Comeon.Howaboutthis.Kissme,andI’llleaveyoualone.Ibet

you’llleavethatguyandwalkoutofherewithme.”HismouthwasclosetomineandnearlygaggedasI
couldtastethementholonhisbreath.MyheartracedandIhadmyheadbackedup.Iwantedtopushhim
awaybutIdidn’twanttotouchhim,either.

“Why are you moving away?” he demanded. His fingers wrapped around my chin, holding my face

still. His fingers dug into my cheeks and I gasped because it hurt. His eyes fixed on my mouth and he
loweredhishead.

AhandlandedonGreg’sshoulder,yankinghimback.Gregflewintotheair.Hetoppled,falling.His

bodyhitthefarwallandhesliddownuntilhewassittingonthefloor,lookingdazed.

Kotasteppedbetweenus,hishandspositionedinastanceI’dseeninkaratemovies.Holycrap,Kota

knowsKungFu.

MymouthopenedtosaysomethingbutIcouldn’tformthewords.Victormaterializednexttome.He

tookonelookatGregandthengrabbedformygoodhand.Hewrappedhisfingersaroundmypalmand
pulled me out of the hallway without a word. Kota remained behind. Would he get hurt when Greg
recovered?CouldKotadefendhimself?

Victorpulledmebackoutintothefoodcourtandweweavedourwayaroundtables.Mymindwas

everywhere; Greg’s bad breath lingered in my nose, reviewing Kota flipping him over, Victor’s palm
pressedintomine.

Silas was leaning against our table. He took one look at Victor’s face and he stood up. “Where’s

Kota?”

“Inthehallway.He’sgotit.We’releaving.”
Silas’seyesscannedthefoodcourtforthehallway.“I’mgoingtocheck.We’llmeetyouatthecar.”
Victorheldontomeaswenearlyjoggedoutofthemall.Histhumbbrushedatthecrevicebetween

my thumb and forefinger. My palm started to sweat and I was embarrassed about it but he didn’t seem
fazed.ThesilencebetweenusleftroomtoworryaboutKotaandSilasandIwishedwecouldgoback
andcheckonthem.

Victordidn'tletgoofmeuntilwegottohiscarsohecouldtakehiskeysout.Victorhandedoffhis

plasticbagtomeasheunlockedthecar.

“Getinbehindme,”hesaid.“I’mgoingtopulluptothecurbsotheycangetinquickly.”
Whatiftheygothurt?Ihadn’tseenGreg’sfriendsaroundbuttheymusthavenoticedhewentinthere

andSilasgoinginafterthem.Iheldtheplasticbaguptomychest,foldingmyarmsoveritandtryingto
breatheslowly.Thiswasmyfault.IshouldhavestuckwithSilas.

Victorstartedthecarandmadealooparoundtheparkinglotuntilhepulledupnexttothecurbinfront

ofthedepartmentstoredoors.Wewaited.Mybreathcaughteverytimethedoorsopenedanditwasn’tthe
guys.

“Comeon...”Victorurgedunderhisbreath,hishandstwistingatthewheel.
Two minutes later, Silas and Kota both appeared at the doors and stepped out. They tried to look

casualbuttheywerewalkingdoubletimeandwentrightforthecar.Silasclimbedinbackwithmeand
Kotatookthefrontseat.

IkeptmyeyesgluedtothedoorofthemallasVictorpulledaway.Iturned,puttingmykneesinthe

seatandfacingbackwardstolookouttherearwindow,watchingforanysignofGregorhisfriends.

“Aretheyoutthere?”Victorasked.
“Idon’tseethem,”Isaid.
“Ithinkwelostthem,”Kotasaid,soundingbreathless,leaningagainsttheseat.“OnlyIgotworried

whenwemadeacircleinonedepartmentstoretryingtoshakethem.”

“Sang,it’salright.Youcansit,”Silassaid.Hisfingerjabmeinmyside.Unfortunatelyitwastheside

thatwasbruisedandIwasn’texpectingit.IwincedandcriedoutanouchbeforeIcouldcatchmyself.

Silas’seyeswidened.Hislargehandpushedmebackupagainsttheseat,holdingmethere.Helifted

myblouseawayfromthetopofmyskirt.IcouldfeelcoolaironthebruiseandIshivered.

“Wheredidthatcomefrom?”hedemanded.
“I...”
Heletgoofme,turninghisbodytofacethedoor.Hishandclutchedthehandle.“Turnthecararound.”
“Silas,”Kotastarted.
Hisfistsclenchedandhespokethroughhisteeth.“Isaidturnitaround.”
“Itwasn’thim,”Isaidquickly.Ifelteyesfallonmeagain.Iswallowed,feelingmystomachtwisting.

“That’sfromyesterday.Gregnevertouchedme.”

Thecarfellintosilence.Iturnedaround,slidingintoplaceandsittingback.
“WasitfromMax?”Kotaaskedinaquiettone.
Iavertedmyeyes,focusingonthebackofVictor’sseat.“Yes,”Isaidquietly.IfeltmylipquiverandI

bitatittostopit.Howtoruinafriendshipinlessthanaday?Lieaboutyourinjuriesandgettheguysinto
troubleoversomestranger.Ifelttheanxietyclutchingmychest.Thiswasit.They’regoingtogetridof
methefirstchancetheygot.

“Let me see it again,” Kota said. The power disappeared from his voice, replaced with something

assuring,gentle.“Sang,letmesee.”

I got up like I had been before. Silas assisted me with raising my shirt up a little. He tucked two

fingersintothetophemofmyskirtandpulleditdownaninchtorevealthesplotchofpurple.

Kotamadeaface.“Sang,I’msosorry.Ididn’tknow.”
Ishookmyheadathim.“No,it’sjustabruise.There’snothingtodoaboutit.Justwaitforittoheal.”

Withmypaleskin,Iknewthebruiseprobablystoodoutmore.

HemadesweepinglooksatVictorandthenatSilas.Silaswasunreadable.Victorcontinuedtotwist

thesteeringwheelashedrove.Iquietlymovedbackintomyseat,reachingfortheseatbelttostrapitin.

Silasreachedformyhandholdingthebeltbuckle.“Youdon’thavetowearthatifithurts.”
Ishookmyhead.“It’snotthatbad.Really.Youjustsurprisedme.”
Heletgo,allowingmetobucklein.Inoticedhedidn’tstraphimselfin.Iwonderedifitwasbecause

hewassotallthatitdidn’tfit.

“What I want to know is how that guy got so close to you.” Victor’s baritone voice nearly rose an

octave.“Wasn’tshewithyou,Silas?”

“It’snothisfault,”Isaid.“HewastakingcareofthetraywhenGregwalkedover.”
“Hehadenoughtimetotellyouhisnameandgowithyoudownthathallway.Whatweretwodoingin

there?”

Iblushed,touchingmylowerlipwithmyfingertryingtoremember.“I...Iwasgoingfortherestroom.

Iwentlookingforyouallbutdidn’tseeyou.IthoughtI’dslipintothebathroomwherehecouldn’tfollow
me.”

“You’re probably lucky you didn’t make it,” Kota said. “If he was determined, he could have

followedyouinandifnooneelsewasaround...”Hemadeafaceandthenheshookitoff.“Nexttimejust
walkintotheguy’sbathroomifwe’reinthere.”

“Nonexttime,”Victorsaid.“We’renotgoingtoleaveherbyherselflongenoughtolet‘Gregs’bea

problem.”

Iwantedtocutinbuttheysoundedsoangrywithme.Iwantedtobringmykneesupandburymyhead

inittohidethefactthatIwasblinkingbacktears.Iforcedmyselftolookoutthewindow.Thetreesand
buildingswhizzedpastanditwasmakingmedizzy.TherewasnowayIwouldletthemseehowupsetI
was.Iwasgladtheyweresafe.Iwasunhappythatmyfirstrealadventureoutturnedintosuchadisaster.

ThecarfellintosilenceasVictorpulledintotrafficonthedrivehome.AtsomepointIdaredtolook

at the others. Victor was still fuming but he seemed intent on staring straight ahead at the road. Kota
appearedbusywithhisphone.

Silaswasglaringoutthewindow.Hisjawwasset.Hisfistwasclenchedsotightly,hewascrumpling

the music book in the bag between us. I didn’t want him to ruin Victor’s music sheets. I reached over,
placingahandsoftlyonSilas’sforearm.

Silasblinked,turnedhisheadslowlyandgazeddownatme.Ibrushedmyfingersoverhisfist,taking

aholdoftheothersideofthebag.Whenherealizedwhathewasdoing,heforcedhisfistopen.Itookit
fromhimandinanefforttoeasethetension,triedtosmile.

Hiseyesfellonmyface.HislipsparteduntilIcouldseehisteethandhischeeksflushed.Heoffered

areturnsmile.Itdisappearedagain.Heturnedbacktothewindow.

Imanagedtocalmmyselfalittlebutwasstillworriedaboutwhateveryonewasthinking.Ideasran

throughmyhead.Theywerethinkinghowterribleitwastoinvitethisgirlalong.Theywonderedabout
thebestwaytoditchme,possiblyignoringmethewholesemester.

ItriedtoquietmythoughtsbutitwassoupsettingtothinkthatImayhavejustlostthefirstfriendsI

had ever come across. My parents wouldn’t have to learn about this day and I wouldn’t have to worry
abouttellingthemaboutanyoneI’dmet.Noonewillwanttoinvitemeoveranymorenow.Iwantedto
sayIwasprobablybeingparanoidthistime,too.Itwasn’tworking.Whowantedtobringagirlaround
who would attract trouble and needed to be babysat? I should have been the one to know what to do
againstunwantedattention.

Whileeveryonewasdistracted,IsmoothedouttheslightcrumplefromVictor’sbook.Thebagopened

alittleandItookapeekatthetitle.

WinterbyVivaldi.

Thatnight,Iwasawakeinmyownbedroomontopofthecoversonmybed,andstaringattheceiling

light.Iwasprobablyburningoutmyeyes.

The car ride home had been completely quiet. Silas barely looked at me as he left the car. Victor

droppedmeoffatmyhousebeforegoingtoKota's.HiscarwasstillparkedinKota’sdrive.I’dbeenat
thewindowofmyroomamilliontimesjusttotrytogetaglimpseofthem.Therewasatrailofruffled
mauvecarpetbetweenmywindowandmybed.I’dwonderedifatsomepointIcouldtakeawalkoutside,
passbyKota’shouseandseeiftheynoticedbutitseemedlikesuchastupidmove.WouldIlookpathetic
andneedywhentheyweretryingtojustquietlytellmetokeepmydistance?I’dcriedalittlewhenIgot
home.MyeyesfeltcoldandIprobablylookedlikeamess.Iwouldn’twantthemtoseemelikethis.

I turned onto my side. My bed was pressed up against the wall near the closet. There was a small

bookshelf against another wall, only half filled with worn novels. A green trunk sat under the window.
Theonlyoddpartabouttheroomwasthatagainstthewallnearthewindowwasasmallhalfdoorthat
leadtosomeatticspace.

Theclosetheldonlythesmallamountofclothes.Myfatherusuallyboughtclothesforusasmymother

neverwentout.Theselectionthatbelongedtomewasslight.Iwassmallerthanmyoldersistersowe

couldn’tswapclothes.Sometimesshepasseddownat-shirtorpairofjeansbutitwasrare.

Therewasn’taposteronthewall.Nocollectionofphotos.Nodecorations.Theslightlyfadedpink

flowerwallpaperwerealuxurycomparedtomylastbedroom,whichhadstarkwhitewalls.Ithoughtof
Kota’s bedroom and how similarly we kept the large space in the middle. I wondered what he would
thinkofmyroomandthenfoundthethoughtpointless.Hecouldnevercometomybedroomandasitwas
now,Iwasn’tsureifhewouldwantto.

Before yesterday, my room felt like the only safe spot. If I stayed inside it, my mother couldn’t

complainandpunishme.NowthatI’dhadatasteoffreedom,ofmeetingpeoplethatweresonicetome,
itfeltmorelikeaprisonthanever.DespitethefightwithGreg,thoughtsranthroughmyheadoftheguys
andhowtheymademefeel.Itwasamazing.Iwantedmore.

Thephonerangdownstairs.Iturnedthemusicupalittleonthestereoboxatthefootofmybed.
“Sang!”Mymothercalloutfromdownstairs.“Phone!”
Myeyesshotopen.Aphonecall.Me?
Idasheddownthestairs,andthunderedthroughahallwayintothekitchen.Mymotherstoodbarefoot

onthetile,wearingadingymauverobe,hertwotoneblondhairpulledbackinasloppyponytailbehind
herhead.ShewasshorterthanIwas,butbroadershoulderedandslouching.Herglassyblueeyesblazed
at me. She started to hold the cordless phone to me but just before I touched it, she pulled it back,
reconsideringherposition.

“Who’scallingyou?”sheaskedme.Hervoicewasscratchyandsharp.
Ishrugged.Ireallyhadnoidea.“Mightbefromtheschool?”
Shethoughtaboutitandslowlyrelinquishedthecordlessphonetome.
Inervouslytookthereceiver.Pleasejustgobacktoyourbedroom,Ithought.Hereyesshotlightning

inmydirection.Iknewwhatwascoming.

“Hello?”Isaidintothephone.
“It’sSilas.”
Myheartflutteredsohardinmychestitwasdifficulttokeepmyfeetontheground.Itriedtolook

unimpressed.Mymotherwasstillstaringatme.“Hi,”Isaid.

“Ijustwantedtomakesureyougothomesafe.”
Thesilencestretchedbetweenus.MyheadwasrattlingwithwhatIcouldsaytohimthatwouldn’tset

mymotheroffinabarrageofquestions.“Howdidyouknowmynumber?”

“Kotahadit.”
Wouldn’t Kota have told him I was okay? It made me wonder if there was another reason why he

called and he made up an excuse. “Oh.” I wanted to ask further but I didn’t know how to phrase the
question.HowdidKotamanagetogetthenumberwhenIdidn’tevenknowityet?Mymothercrossedher
armsinfrontofher.Herscowlmadecreasesatthecornerofhermouthandaroundhereyes.Ohplease,I
thought,notwhileI’monthephone.Idon’twantSilastohear.

“HesaidIshouldwaittocall.Hesaidyouwereprobablyfreakedoutstillfromthisafternoonandthat

weneededtogiveyouabreak.”

Kotahadtoldthemtoavoidme!“I...I’mfine.”
“Whoisit?”mymomsaidinaloudtone.
“It’stheschool,”Isaid,loudenoughforSilastohear.Mymomlookedatmeasifshedidn’tbelieve

mebutstalkedoffbacktoherbedroom,oratleastinthatdirection.

“Notsafetotalk?”heasked.
“Uhhuh,”Isaid,againtryingtosoundboredandunimpressedincasemymotherwasstilllistening,

hopingSilaswouldunderstand.

“Iwon’tbearoundtomorrow,”hesaid.“I’vegotpractice.”
“That’sokay.”WashethinkingIwouldassumehewouldbearound?Orwouldhehavecomeoverif

hedidn’thavepractice?Histruemeaningwhirledaroundinmyhead.Whatwaspractice?Iwantedtorun
tomyroomwiththephoneandshuteveryoneoutbutdoingitwouldlooksosuspicious.

“I’lltalktoyoulater?”heasked.
Therewasadistinctiveclickandthenthesoundofbreathing.Mymotherhadpickedupanotherphone

andwaslisteningin.

“Yeah,”Isaid.
“‘Bye,”Silassaidandhungup.
Iheldmybreath,waitingandlisteningtothebreathingontheline.
“Hello?” my mother’s voice sounded like an echo in my ear because I could hear her from her

bedroomaswellasinthephone.“Who’sontheline?”

I cringed and pulled it away from my face. I heard the line click again and then I switched off the

phone.

“Sang!Comehere!”
IshudderedwhereIstood,gentlyplacingthereceiverontothecradle.Isteeledmyself,readyingmy

lies.

KeepingfriendswasharderthanIthought.

“Sang,”mymotherspatassheleanedontheedgeofherbed.Themattresssaggedunderherweight.

When I was eight, my mother went to the hospital with a sinus infection, stayed for a month, and came
backwithabottleofmorphineandwaskepttoherbed.Myparentsnevertolduswhatwaswrongwith
her,butIoverheardwhisperedintheirlateeveningdiscussionsaboutherliverandpancreas.Sometimes
at night she cried out in pain and my father took her to the hospital. She held her bottle of pills in her
handsnow,twistingherpalmoverthecapasiftryingtorememberwhenshetookthelastone.

“Yes?”Isaidinanearwhisper.Isteppedbarefootontothecreamcarpetofherbedroom,doingmy

besttolookbewildered.IfIcouldonlymakeherbelievemethistime.

“Whocalledyou?”
“Theschool,”Isaid.Myeyesflittedtotheylightbrownandivygreenwallpaperalongthewallsand

the whirling wicker fan above her bed. Her eyes were too intense for me. “It was a reminder about
registration.”

Herthinlipspursed.Sheputherbottleofpillsdownandsmoothedherchubbyfingersoverthecovers

ofherquiltblanket.“Itlookedlikeyouweretryingtohidesomething.”

Isighed.“I’mnotusedtogettingphonecalls.”
“Whywasitaman?Whydidheonlyaskforyou?”Hereyesnarrowedatme,pickingtheholesatmy

story.“Whydidn’thealsoaskaboutyoursister?”

“Idon’tknow,”Isaid,myfingersflutteredtothebaseofmythroat.“Maybehe’llcallbackforherina

minute.Ormaybeit’sbecauseI’myounger...”

Shechuffed.“No.You’relying.Idon’tthinktheschoolhasourphonenumber.”Shestoodupandthen

pointedafingeratme.“Whodidyougivethisnumberto?”

MyeyeswidenedandItookastepback,accidentallybumpingintothewall.“Noone!Idon’teven

knowourphonenumber.”

“Itsoundslikealie.”Shecrossedtheroomtowardme.“Whyaremencallingtotalktoyou?”
“Idon’t know!” Icried out, turningmy face away fromhers, pressing myselfback against the wall.

Please,no.Notnow.

She grabbed my arm and started wrenching me until I was on my knees. I cried out in pain. “Who

calledyou?”sheaskedthroughherteeth.

“The...school,”Isobbed.Whatwouldshedotome?TherewasnowayIwasgoingtotellherabout

Silas.Shecoulddowhatshewantedtome.

Her nose flared and I felt the sweat from her palms as she pulled me up to my feet. I cried as she

yanked me in to the kitchen. My heart was pounding and my body was shaking. Why wouldn’t she just
believemethisonce?Whycouldn’tIcallpeoplelikeothergirls?

“Getonyourknees,”shesaid.
Iclosedmyeyes,wrappingmyarmsaroundmyselfandsunktothefloor.Itwasn’tuncommonforher

topunishusbyhavinguskneelonthefloorforhoursatatime.Ithoughtthiswasoneofthosecases.If
thatwasthecase,Iwouldhavebeengrateful.

Shestartedmovingaroundme,pullingvinegarfromtheshelfandlemonjuicefromthefridge.Ididn’t

understandbutIkowtowedtoheronthefloor,crying.Iwhisperedtothefloor,pleadingundermybreath
thatshewouldstopandjustsendmetomyroom.

She created a concoction of half vinegar and half lemon juice in a glass and then handed it to me.

“Drinkallofthis.Youarenever,evertoletaboycallhere.”

Mylipstrembled.“Pleasedon’tmakeme,”Ibegged.Tearssliddownmycheeks,drippingfrommy

chin.

Mymotherreachedformyhair,yankingitbackuntilmyfacewasup.
“Okay!”Iscreamed,“I’lldo...”
TheglasswaspushedtomylipssohardItastedbloodatfirstasmylipsplit,andthenallIcouldtaste

wastheheatoftheacidmixbetweenlemonandvinegar.Iforcedmyselftoswallow,unabletocatcha
breath.IfIdidn’tdrink,Iwoulddrown.

TheliquidslippedpastmythroatandIfeltitburning.Outofinstinct,myhandssoughtoutherarms,

tryingtopushheraway.SheheldmeinplaceuntilIdrainedtheglass.WhenIwasfinished,andherhands
released me, I collapsed to the ground in a heap. I choked, holding my palm to my mouth, gasping and
sobbingsohardthatIcouldn’tcatchmybreath.MylungsachedasIwastryingtobreatheandmythroat
wasonfire.Everybreathwaspainfultomythroat.

She threw the glass into the sink and it shattered against the metal. “Next time a boy calls, it’ll be

bleach.Getupandgotoyourroom.Idon’twanttohearfromyou.”ShestalkedbacktoherbedroomandI
heardhershakinghermedicinebottleandopeningthecontainer.

Ifeltmystomachlurch.IpushedmypalmtomymouthuntilIcouldrunupstairstothebathroom.I

kneltatthetoilet,myheadburiedinthebowlandIheaved.

WhenIwasdone,Ifellonmybackagainstthecarpetofthebathroom.MybodytrembledandItried

breathingthroughmynoseandmouthatdifferentlengthsbutitwasuseless.Everylittlebitofairpassing
mythroatmadethepainsharplyreturn.Iforcedmyselftostopsobbingsoitwouldn’thurtsobadly.Igot
up,nearlycrawlingonmykneestothesink,dippingmyheadunderthefaucetforwater,butthewater’s
coolnesssentmetomykneesagainasitsplashedagainstmythroat.

I sensed someone watching. Marie stood in the doorway. Through the tears in my eyes, I shuttered

under my sister. Her brown hair hung long past her shoulders and her dark eyes looked curious and
fearful.

“Whatwasitthistime?”sheasked.Iknewwhatshewanted.Shewantedtomakesuresheneverdid

whatIhaddone.

Ipartedmylips,“Ah...”Icoughed.“Aboy...”Iwhispered.Myeyespoppedopen.Itriedagaintotalk.

Nothing.Iclosedmyeyes,andfresh,hottearssliddownmycheeks.

MymothermadesureIcouldn’tanswerthephone.

N

ATHAN

IdreamedIwaslostinahouseIdidn’tknow.Therewasaghostbehindme,rattlingthewindows

andscreechingsoloudthatIwouldcowerinthecornerstoavoiditasitflewbymyhead.

I

wokeupinmybed,myheartpounding.WhenIcalmedmyselfandfellbackintothepillow.

EversinceIwasnineyearsold,Istartedhavingnightmaresaboutmonsterscomingatmeinthenight.

They took on different forms all the time. Sometimes it was hairy, brown tarantulas so big they could
knockdowntreesastheychasedmethroughaforest.Sometimesmenindarkclotheswithgunshuntedfor
meinundergroundmazes.IneverydreamIhad,Iwasrunningfromsomethingthatdidn’twantmetoexist,
andrunningtowardaplaceIcouldn’tsee.ItaughtmyselfnottocryoutsoIwouldn’twakeanyoneelsein
thehouseup.Screamingwaspointless.

Noonewouldcome.

The next morning, I was out the door at dawn. It was a risk after the previous day, but I needed to

escape.Ineededfreshair.Mythroatnolongerburnedbutitwassore.Itestedmyvoiceafewtimesbut
what I managed to say was raspy. It worried me that perhaps my voice was permanently damaged. I
couldn’tstandtothinkthatwasthecase.IwouldbeSang,thegirlwithnothingtosayandnovoicetosay
it.

Iworeapairofjeansandasimplepinkblouse,readytowalkthroughthewoodsamilliontimesto

pass the hours. I wasn’t sure if I should try to visit Kota. I’d been up half the night going over Silas’s
words. Kota had warned everyone to stand by to give me room to relax. Or he had meant to keep
everyoneawayfrommebecausetheywantedtodistancethemselvesfromme?Whichdidhemean?

Withnovoice,Iwantedtoavoidhimalittle,too.HowcouldIexplainit?Iwasn’tsick.OrmaybeI

shouldpretendtobesick.Itwouldbeagoodexcuse.Onlyitwasn’tpossible.Whatifhetriedtocall?
WhatifSilastriedtocallagain?

Themorningairwasalreadywarm,andIbreathedinthehumidity.ItfeltheavyandthickasifIwas

walkingthroughalakeIcouldbreathein.Iwonderedwherethatchilleveningwiththerainhadgone.I
almostregrettedwearingjeansbutIdidn’tliketowalkthroughthewoodsinshortsifIwasn’tsureabout
thepaths.IneverknewwhenIwouldwanttoexploresomethingoffthetrailandwouldendupkneedeep
inunderbrush.

Thewoodsbehindmyparents’housewasacoupleofacresinsize.Thereweremorewoodsbehind

Kota’shouseontheothersideofthestreetandItriedtofindawayintothatforest,buttheemptylotwas
theonlyplacetocrossintoitwithoutwalkingthroughsomeone’syard.Thelothadaclusteroftreesso
thickthough,Icouldn’tseeapathintoit.

I cut through the back yard, crossed a small wooden plank that served as a small bridge over a

drainageditchthatseparatedtheyardfromthetreeline.Idisappearedbehindthewalloftrees,seeking
outthefootpathIhaddiscoveredthefirstafternoonmyfamilyhadmovedin.

TherewereahandfuloftrailsinthisforestandIhadtakenafewofthem.IfoundoneIhadn’ttriedyet

andfollowedit.ItwoundaroundclosetowhereIcouldseeotherhomesalongthestreetthroughthetrees.
The sunlight filtered through the leaves. The shadows from above casted an eerie green shade. I felt
enclosedandseparatedfromeverything,whichwaswonderfulinthemoment.Ididn’twanttobeseen.
Freshmossandpinescentsfilledmynose.Afewmockingbirdswereawake,oneseemedtobefollowing
aboveme,callingoutatunethatresembledacaralarm.

Alongthepath,amapletreehadfallenacrossthedirttrail.Thebrokenlimbs,manytallerthanme,

blockedtheway.

I considered going back but the tree didn’t look too dangerous. There was space between branches

whereIcouldclimbthrough.IthoughtifIreachedthecenter,Icouldprobablygettotheotherside.

Istartedtopickmywaythroughthebranches.Theleaveswerestillgreenonthetreesoithadn’tbeen

downlong.IwonderedifitfellaftertherainthathappenedacoupleofdaysagowhenImetKota.My
sneakerssunkintopilesofsoggyleavesandcrunchedthesmallerbranches.

WhenIwasnearthetrunk,Igrippedoneofthethickerbranchestostepontopofthecenterandclimb

overit.Ihesitated,tryingtofigureoutmynextmove.Thebranchsnapped,Ilostmybalanceandheldtoit.
Therewasaloudcrack,thesoundechoingthroughthewoods.Islipped,crashingintoamess.Ireached
instinctivelywithmyhandsflailing,tryingtoprotectmyself,feelinglightscratchesfromthebranches.It
spookedmesobadthatIcriedout,whichcameoutamoreofaraspyyelp.

I landed under some of the branches. I wasn’t hurt, just surprised and my heart was racing. I was

shakingsomeleavesawayfrommyheadwhenashoutechoedtome.

“Someoneoverthere?”Itwasamalevoice,deep.NotasdeepasSilas’s.Ididn’trecognizeit.
Myheartstartedtopoundandmyeyeswentwide.Icouldn’tletsomeoneseemelikethis.Still,there

wasn’taneasywayoutofthemiddleofthistree.IfItriedtomove,itwouldn’tbequietandhe’dforsure
hearmeanyway.

“Yeah,” I called out, but it was a stage whisper. I stood up, hunching over to avoid an overhanging

branch.

Iheardfootstepscomingnearby.Iscrambledtogetoutofthebranches.Oneofthemstruckmyface

andstungmycheek.

Thefootstepsstoppedshortofthefallentree.“Where?”
“Inthetree,”Iscreechedout.Icoughed.Tryingtoyelltohimirritatedmythroat.
“Didn’tyouseeitwasdown?Whydidn’tyoutaketheotherpath?”Thefootstepscamecloser.
Ifoundathickerbranchtostandon.IclimbedforashortdistanceuntilIcouldseeovermostofthe

leaves.Aguywithasternfaceandsuchseriousblueeyeslookedbackatme.Heworearedandwhite
Nikeshirt,thesleevescutoff,andsportshortsinamatchingredcolor.Earbudheadphoneshungaround
hisshoulders.Hishairwascutshort,amixbetweenredandbrown,leaningmoreontheredside.His
chinwasangledandhisjawwassetashelookedatme.Theexpressionwassosolemn.Thisguycould
meanbusinessjustbyhislook.HewasaboutthesameheightasKotabutitwasthebulkofhismuscles
thathadmyspinetingling.Hehadbroadtaperedshouldersandtherewasapowerinhisstaturethatwas
undefinable.

“Canyougetout?”heasked.Hedroppedahandontohiship,withhisheadtiltedtowardme,anda

baffledlookonhisface.

“I think so,” I whispered, not trying to get too cocky with my predicament. I was already this far. I

pickedmywayoverbranchesandpushedawayleavesfrommyface.

“What’swrong?Whyareyouwhispering?”
Itookadeepbreathinandthenpattedmythroatwherehecouldsee.
“Yourvoicebroke?”
Ipartiallysmiledatthewayhesaiditandnodded.
“Moveleft,”hesaid.

I turned left, squinting my eyes to try to figure out what he was talking about because the branches

werethickonthatend.

“Shit,sorry.Imeantmyleft.Yourright.”
Iturnedaroundandthenpointedtothetrunk,raisingmyeyebrows.
“Followitdownthetreeuntilyougetbeyondthebranches,”hemotionedtowardwherethetrunkhad

split,wherethebranchesstopped.Hemaneuveredhimselftowalkaroundtheedgeofthetree,pickinghis
waybeyondthepathtofindwherethetreelimbsthinnedout.

Ifollowedhisinstructions,hangingontotreebranchescarefullythistime.Usingthetrunkasabridge,

Ishuffledmywayoverthelimbs.ItwasaslowprocessbutImanagedtogettothepointwherethetree
trunkstartedtoslantupwardwhereitstillleanedagainstthebaseithadsnappedfrom.WhenIwasthere,
Iwasn’tsurewhattodo.

“Canyouclimbuptothetop?”heaskedwhenhesawmestartingtoturnaround.Hewasstandingby

theroots,ahandcoveringthetopofhiseyesashelookedatmeagainstthesun.

IcoughedandwhisperedasloudasIcould,“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Justclimbuphereandthenjumpdown.”
Itriedtojudgethedistancefromwherehewaspointing.Myheartstartedtothumpagain.Didhemean

formetojumpfromthathigh?

“You’llbefine.Comeon.”
Myheartwasthuddingbutheseemedconfidentinhisdecision.Icrouchedalittleonthetrunk.Using

myhandstohelp,IpulledmyselfupuntilIwasoutofthewayofbranchesandIhadaclearshotatthe
ground.Igotuptoapointwherehewasstandingunderme.Heliftedhisarmsup,urgingwithhishands.

“Jumpfromthere,”hesaid.
Iblinkedathim.“BackupsoI’vegotroom,”Iwhispered.Iwasalreadywearyofthedistance,butI’d

hadsometrainingasakidinelementaryschoolonhowtofallandIthoughtIcouldtumblerollwhenIhit
theground.

“No,it’sfine.I’llgetyou.”
My mouth dropped open. He couldn’t mean he was going to try to catch me after I jumped down.

Wouldn’tithurt?

Hesmirked.“Willyoujustlistentome?Jump.”
Ihesitatedagain,swallowingandconsideringtryingbehindmewherehewasn’tabletoreach.
“Fuckthinking.Thinkinghurtstheteam.Jump.”
MyheartwasthuddingbutIlinedmyselfupandleaptdowntohim.Ifhewantedtogethurttryingto

softenmylanding,I’dlethim.

Withhisarmsout,heseizedmearoundthewaistasIfell,andspunmealittletoeasethemomentum.

Myheadwaspressedupagainsthischest,andIbreatheddeeplyfromtheadrenalinerushingthroughme.I
inhaledaleatherandCyprusscentfromhim.Mybodyshookagainsthim.

Hedidn’tletgo.Ahandcameupatmyback,holdingmetohimandherubbedatmyshoulders.His

chinmovedagainstmyforeheadsoIfeltthegruffnessofcoarsehairagainsthisface.“It’sokay.You’re
fine.Youmadeit.”Herepeatedhimselfacoupleoftimes,softlyandassuring.

WhenIfeltIcouldstandwithoutfallingover,Ibackedaway.Myfacefeltflushedandwhilemyhands

still shook, it became too awkward to hold on to him anymore. The moment was so intimate, I was
embarrassed at having put myself in such a predicament. I didn’t even know his name. “Thank you,” I
whispered.“You’reokay,right?”Iasked,swallowingafter.IwasworriedIhadhitsomethingonhimon
mywaydown.

Henodded.Hischeeksweretintedredbuthisfacewasbacktothatseriousexpression.“I’mokay.

Whatmadeyouthinkyoucouldclimboveritlikethat?”

“Itdidn’tlooktoobadfromtheotherside,”Isaid,castingmyeyesaway.“IguessIjustwantedtosee

ifIcould.”

Asmallsmileformedatthesideofhismouth.“You’renotreallydressedforclimbinglikethat.”
Athismentionofit,Icheckedmyselfover.Ihadafewscratchesonmyarmbutnothingbleeding.My

clotheswerealittledirtybuteverythingseemedfine.

“Whathappenedtoyourwrist?”hesaid,pointingtothebandageonmyarm.Thewoundwasscabbed

overandIdidn’treallyneedthebandage.ItjustlookeduglysoIoptedtocoveritup.

“Ifellacoupledaysago,”Iwhispered.HowmanytimeswouldIneedtoexplainmyinjuries?Itmade

mehypersensitivetodaretoputanotherbandageonmyself.I’dhavetorepeatmyselfsomuch.

“You’reaccidentprone.Comeon,”hesaid.“Let’sgetoutofhere.”
He took my hand and led the way around the tree until we were on the other side where the path

startedagain.Whenweweresafe,heletgoofme.IwasgratefulthatheletgobecauseIwasnervousbut
Iwasalsosad.Hishandfeltcomforting.

“Howlonghasthetreebeendown?”Iaskedinawhisper.
Helookedatme,raisinghiseyebrows.Heleanedoverme,bringinghisearclosetomyface.“What?”
His reddish hair looked soft like rabbit fur. My fingers itched to touch but I knew I never would. I

swallowedtotrytogainsomeofmyvoicebackandrepeatedmyself.

“Aweek,Ithink,”hesaid.“IkeepmeaningtocomebackoutheretoclearitoutfromthepathbutI’ve

beenputtingitoff.Therewasabadstormbeforeyoumovedin.”

Iblinkedathim,myhandonmyupperstomach,rubbingatwhereabranchhadscratchedme.“You

knowwhoIam?”

“I’veseenyouaround.”Heranhisfingersthroughthelongerbitsofhaironthetopofhishead.“I’m

Nathan.”

“Sang.”
Heblinkedatmeandthenleanedincloser.
“MynameisSang,”Irattledoff.
“Sang?”
Inodded.
Hesmiled,theblueofhiseyessoftening.“I’mtwohousesdownfromyou.Sameside.”Hewavedat

thedirectionourhouseswere.“Wantmetowalkyouback?”

The question surprised me. He was being nice. Another person that could be a friend. My head

swirledwiththesuddennessofit.Atthesametime,Iwasresistant.ItfeltlikeIwaspressingmyluck.
ThemorepeopleItriedtobefriendswith,thebiggerthechancemyparentswouldfindout.I’dgetmyself
intotrouble.“Idon’tmeantoruinyourjog.”ItwasthepolitestthingIcouldsaytodecline.

Heshrugged.“It’snothing.”Hemotionedtothepath.“Comin’?”
IpushedafingertomylowerlipbutIstartedafterhim.Icouldn’tsaynowithoutsoundingmean.Part

ofmedidn’twantto.Hewashandsomeandsweetandhehadhelpedme.HowcouldIrefuse?

The path left enough room that we were walking side by side. “You’re going to the public school,

right?”heasked.

Inodded.
“Abouttimewehadsomeonenewaroundhere.There’sonlyahandfulofkidsonthisstreet.”
“Ihaven’tseenthemaround.”
“Youwill,”hesaid,swayinghisarmsalittleashestrolledalongbesideme.
Iraisedaneyebrowathim,curiousastowhathemeant.
Hegrinned,understandingmyexpression.“You’vegotthegoodbasketballgoal.”
Itriedtorememberwherethebasketballgoalwas.“Theonehangingfromthegarage,”Iwhispered.It

hadbeentherewhenwemovedin.

“Yeah.Fullheightandthatwidedrivewaythat’satleasthalfcourt,Ithink,”hesmirked.“Don’tlaugh

butIcameoveronenighttojumponitjusttoseeifIcouldhangfromit.”

Ididsmilebutstoppedmyselffromgiggling.“It’sstilltheresoyoumusthavemadeit.”
Henodded.“It’sprettystrong.”
IadmiredthemusclesinhisarmsandfromwhatIcouldseeofhischest.Helookedprettysturdy.It

musthavebeentrueaboutthebasketballgoalifhewasabletohangoffofit.

“Sowhathappenedtoyourvoice?”
IopenedmymouthtorespondtohimbutIwasn’tsurehow.
“You’renotsick,areyou?”heasked,hiseyebrowgoingup.“I’mnotgoingtocatchsomething,amI?”
Ididn’twanttoworryhimsoIshookmyhead.
Hesmirked.“You’vebeentalkingtoomuch,huh?”heasked.“Girlsalwaystalktoomuch.”
Itriedtoshoothimafriendlysmirkback.Itwasabettersolutionthanthetruth.
WeturnedabendandIstartedtorecognizewewerecomingupalongwherethepathsplit.Hehad

takenmebackaroundtowhereIhadstarted.

“Yougoforwalksthisearlyinthemorningalot?”heasked.
Itwistedmymouthalittle,unsurehowtoanswer.“Icouldn’tsleepandIhadn’tfollowedthispathyet

soIcametocheckitout.”

Helookedatme.“Didyoutrythewoodsontheothersideofthestreetyet?”
“No.Howdoyougetoverthere?”
Hesmiled.“I’llshowyou.It’salittleeasiertogetlostovertherethoughandthere’ssomethingsyou

shouldsee.Likethere’sabigditchyoumaynotseewalkingupto.Ithinkthat’showtheydrainedtheland
aroundheresotheycoulddevelopit.”

Igrinned,noddingtohim.Iunderstood.Iswallowed.“I’llcheckitout.”
Hegavemeasideglanceandsmirkedagain.“Onsecondthought,Ioughttogowithyouoverthere.

Don’tgowithoutme.”

Iangledmyheadtowardhim.“I’dbefine.”
“Uhhuh,”hesaid.Hestoppedwalkingandturnedtowardme.Hereachedovermyheadandpulleda

mapleleaffrommyhair.“You’llbefineunlessthere’safallentree.”

Myfaceheatedup.Istartedtoshakemyhead,mymouthmovingtryingtofigureoutthebestwayto

sayIwouldhavegottenouteventually.

“Thinkyoucoulddoitalone?Asyouwish.NexttimeI’llleaveyou,”hesaid,lettingtheleafflyfrom

hishandtothegroundandstartingoffdownthepathagain.

I stepped quickly up next to him, matching his stride. Something about him made me want to stick

around.Heseemedsocool.Iwantedhimtolikeme.“Howdoyougetoverthere?”Iwhispered.

“Nope.I’mnottellingyounow.”
Ifrowned,mylippouting.
Hemadeafaceandthenpulledhisfingersoverhislips,zipping.
“Ugh,”Igrumbled.“I’llfigureitout.”
“Sure.”
Irolledmyeyes.
Hestoppedshortalongthepathataplacewherethetreesstartedtothinout,givingusaviewofthe

back of some homes. He pointed to an opening in the trees. Another slab of wood was nestled into the
groundoveraditch,andontheothersidewasawidewoodfence.Ihadmisseditthefirsttimebutthere
wasalatchandhandlestickingoutofoneofthewoodplanks.Ittookmeamomenttoseetheframeofthe
door.“Thisismystop,”hesaid.

I caught the scent of chlorine and a hint of sparkling aqua blue between the gaps in the fence. “You

haveapool?”

Hehesitatedandthennodded.

Igrinnedandfeltmyheartlifting.“Isbig?”
Myenthusiasmseemedtocatchhimoffguard.“Comeandlookatit.Youtellme.”Heheadedtoward

theplank.

I followed him. When he got to the wood piece, he crossed it halfway and then reached out for my

hand.“Ordoyouwanttodoityourself?”

I made a face but reached for his hand. He took mine in his grasp, holding on to me as he moved

forward.Ifollowedonhisheels.Myheartflutteredashishandwasbig,wrappingeasilyaroundmine.
Heletgowhenwewerebothontheledgeontheothersideandhemovedtoopenthegate.

Whatyardtheremighthavebeeninthebackofhishousewastakenupbyalargeshedclosetothe

fence. Beyond that was a rectangle pool, at least twenty five feet long. The edges were curved and the
water rippled, sparkling in the sunlight. A large beige concrete patio surrounded it, looking almost like
sand.

Isteppeduptotheedgeofthepool,lookingdownintothewater.IfIwasacat,Iwouldhavebeen

purring.Beforemymothergotsick,shetookMarieandItothepooltolearnhowtoswim.WhenIwasin
seventhgrade,theschoolhadapoolandduringgymforawholemonthIgottoswiminit.Ihadmissed
thescentofchlorineandthefeelofthewaterflowingaroundmeasIswam.

“Howdeepisit?”Iasked,forgettingthatIwasprobablywhisperingandwasn’tsureifhecouldhear

me.Myeyeslockedonthesparkleofthewaterfromthesun,dazzlingme.

IheardhimstepupbehindmeandIfeltthehandonmybackbuteventhenIwouldn’thaveimagined

hewouldhavepushed.IfoundmyselfflyingandIhitthewater.

At first the water had a crispness to it but my skin quickly adjusted to the temperature that it was

actuallyverycomfortable.Thepangtasteofchlorinewatersweptintomymouth.Itouchedbottomafter
aboutsixfeetandthenslowlyrosetothetop.Asplashhitthewaternearby.Nathansmoothlytouchthe
bottomwithapalm.Hisshirtandshoeswereoff.Whenhisheadandchestroseoutofthewater,Iwasin
aweofthemusclesthatweredefinedinhisbody.UnlikeSilaswhosebulkofmusclewassmooth,Nathan
wasaprecisionmachine.Theripplesofmusclesalonghisabdomenfittogetherlikealivingpuzzle.

Asmilebrokeonhislipsasthosepenetratingblueeyesfixedonmyface.“Didyoufindout?”
IknewIwasgrinninglikeacrazygirl.Ididn’tcarethathepushedmeinatall.Ipushedahandagainst

thesurfaceofthewatertosplashhim.

Heduckedhisheadaway,liftinganarminahalfefforttoprotecthimself.“Heythere,littlemermaid.

Youdon’twanttostartthatgamewithme.Iwineverytime.”

Ipulledafaceanddidanothersplash,smallerbutstilldefiant.
“Asyouwish.”Hewasgoneunderthewateragain.
Withthebulkofmyjeansandbeingweigheddownbymysneakers,Icouldn’tmovefastenoughonthe

surfacetobreakawayfromhim.Hisarmsenvelopedaroundmywaist.Myheartwasfuriouslybeatingin
mychestasIfeltthistouch.Iwasliftedoutofthewaterontohisshoulder.Hewaitedjustamomentand
thentossedmebackintothewaterlikeIwasnothingbutadoll.

I landed with another splash not far from where he was. When I broke the surface again, I was

giggling,flickingwaterawayfrommyeyes.Helaughedtoo,swimmingclosertome.

Ishookmyhead,holdingupmyhandsindefeat.“Notfair.”Ipointedtothejeansandshoesonthat

wasweighingmedown.

“Takethemoff.”
Mymouthdroppedopen.“What?No!”Iscreeched.
“Thenlose.”Heinchedtowardme,deliberatelyteasingwithhisgrinandwigglinghisfingersatme.
I took one shoe off, flinging it toward the side of the pool. It landed with a thick thud against the

concrete.Theotheronejoineditamomentlater.

“I’mnottakingmypantsoff,”Iwhispered.

Hestoodtherelaughing,hishandsonhiships.“You’llwearabikinithathaslessmaterialthanyou’re

wearingnowwiththatshirtandyouwon’ttakeyourpantsoff.Youarewearingunderwear,right?”

IhatedtotellhimthatI’dneverwornabikini.IinchedbackalittlewhereIcouldstandonmytoes.

Withmyjeanson,ittookalotmoreenergyjusttostayafloat.“Yeah...”

“Youcouldrunbacktoyourhouseandgrabyourbathingsuit,Iguess.”
There was a problem with that. Sneaking back in soaking wet would definitely draw attention and

therewasnowayIcouldgetbackoutagain.Besidesthat,Icouldn'trememberifIhadabathingsuit,I
hadn't been swimming for years. If I ran way and never came back, he wouldn’t understand. It really
wasn’tanoptionifIwantedhimtolikeme,andIdid.

Ifeltformypantsbuttonandstartedtoundothem.
“No!”hecalledout,holdingupahandtomeandlaughing.“Stopit.”Heswamtotheedgeofthepool

andgotout.HecamearoundtowhereIwasclosetotheedgeandmotionedtome.“Comeon.I’vegotan
oldpairofshortsthatmightfityou.Ifyoutieit,it’llprobablybeokay.”

Imovedtotheedgeofthepool,intendingtogetoutonmyownbuthegrabbedmeundermyshoulders,

pullingmeupoutofthewater.Heploppedmedownnexttohim,holdingmesteadyagaintomakesureI
wasonmyfeetbeforelettinggo.

I was breathless. He stepped away from me toward the house. I wanted to fall over. My heart was

about to explode. He was strong, nice, and funny. I couldn’t think straight. Another friend. What was I
gettingmyselfinto?ThemorepeopleImet,themoredisappointedIwasgoingtobewhentheyfoundout
whoIreallywasandrejectedme.Weird.Nosenseofhowtobehavearoundpeople.AllIhadtorelyon
waswhatI’dreadinbooksandsofaritwasn’thelpingmuch.

Nathan disappeared into the house. I moved under the overhang of the back porch and toward the

slidingglassdoorhehadgonein.Thehousewasonestory,withbrownandbeigebrickworkandIhalf
rememberedwhatitlookedlikefromthestreet.Whatitlackedinheight,itmadeupinsprawling.From
thedoorway,Icouldseeintoalivingroomwithahigh,white-paintedceilingandexposedbeams.The
floorwasagraystonetile.Thewallswerewhite.Thefurniturewasdarkbrownandleather.Itreminded
meofacabinthatI’dseenonoccasionontelevision.Therewasamuskysmellthattastedlikeamixof
theleatherandthelacquerinthewoodfixtures.

Nathan returned from a hallway beyond the living room. He held out a pair of green shorts in his

hands.Hemovedtothedoor,bendinghisheadtolookdownatme.“Wanttocomein?”

Imadeaface,pointingtomywetclothes.“I’mdripping,”Iwhispered.
“So am I.” He pulled the sliding door open further and beckoned to me. “There’s a bathroom right

there.Youcanputtheshortsonifyouwant.”

Inodded.
“Doyouwantat-shirt?”heasked.“It’llprobablybebigonyou.”
Ituggedatmyblouse.“It’llgivetimeforthistodry.”
Hesmiled.“I’lltosstheminthedryerafteryou’redone.”
HepointedmetowardthebathroomagainandIsteppedinsideofit.Theredidn’tappeartobeanyone

elsearound.Myparentswouldhavekilledmeifthey’dknownIwasalonewithaboyinanemptyhouse.
Asitwas,myownmindwascomingupwithallthethingsmyparentswarnedmeabout.Wouldhehave
mefollowhimtohisbedroom?Wouldhepressuremeforsex?WouldIbeinterested?AndwhydidIfeel
like I was betraying Kota, Silas and Victor by being here? Were they worried about me right now and
wonderingwhatwasgoingon?Didtheyevencare?MaybeIneededNathanafterall.IfImesseduptoo
badlywithKotaandtheothers,maybeNathanandIcouldbefriendsinstead.Werewefriendsnow?

Thebathroomwasbig.Therewasawidetubwithaglassslidingdoor.Blackstonetilecoveredthe

floorandthecounterwascarveddarkstone.Thewallswerewhite.Photosofhelicopterslinedthewalls.

Iwasjustputtingontheshortswhentherewasaknockatthedoor.“I’vegotashirt.”

I opened the door and he handed me a dark blue t-shirt with some writing in a language I didn’t

recognize.

“Doesyour dad flyhelicopters?” I asked.My voice was weaker.What little abilityI had gained to

talkwasbecominglost.

“Yeah,”hesaid.Iclosedthedooragain.Itsoundedlikeheleanedagainstthedoor.“Hemakestrips

betweenhereandNewYork.SometimestoFlorida.He’sgonealot.”

Ipickedupmywetclothesfromthefloor,holdingthemawayfrommybodyastheyweredripping.I

openedthedoor.

Nathan was against the door frame, leaning his head against it. He stood up straight when the door

opened.“Itfits?”

The shorts were tied tight to my waist but the lower hem was down at my knees. The t-shirt was a

coupleofsizestoobigandcoveredmybutt.“Ilookweird.”

Helaughed.“You’reactuallykindofcute.Youshouldtotallywearthatyourfirstdayofschool.”
Inarrowedmyeyesathimbutbetrayedmyselfbygiggling.
Hetookthewetclothesfrommyhand.“Gojumpin.I’llputtheseinthedryer.”
Icrossedthelivingroom,wentoutsideandsteppeduptotheedgeofthepoolagain.Thesmellofthe

chlorinewasintoxicating.IwonderedforamomentifhefeltIwasintrudingonhimforhispool.Ihad
alreadyinterruptedhisrun.WhatotherplanscouldIhavebeeninterrupting?

I did a shallow dive from one corner and took off across the water. Despite my worries, I wasn’t

goingtowasteamomentofswimtimeifIhadhispermission.Holdingmybreath,Iwriggledmybodyto
makemywaytotheoppositecorneronthefarend.IwantedchecktoseehowlongIcouldholdmybreath
beforegettingupontheotherside.

Ialmostmadeit.IblamedjumpinginfirstandbeingsoexcitedastowhyIcouldn’tdoit.Isurfaceda

coupleoffeetaway,suckinginabreathofairandstartingaslowbreaststroke.WhenIreachedthecorner,
Istoppedforamomentandrelaxedtoslowdownmybreathing.Iknewbeingcalmunderthewaterwas
importanttobeingabletoholdmybreathlonger.Ipushedoffwithmyfeetagainsttheedgeofthepool.

Iusedmyhandsthistimeunderthewatertogivemealittleextrapushbutmostofthepowercame

fromthemovementsImade,almostmermaidlike.Icutthroughthewaterquickly,reachingtheotherside.
Itouchedthefarwallandpoppedupatthesurface,takinginabreath.

“Youcouldgetfaster,”Nathansaid.Hewasstandingontheedgeofthepoolinfrontofthehouse.I

almost smiled at him, ready with a joke that I knew he wouldn’t be able to hear. I wanted to break the
tension because he’d startled me. His face was serious. “Pull your hands to your chest.” He did the
motionwithhisownhands.“Shootthemoutaboveyourheadasyoudothatthingwhereyoubringyour
headup.Thenasyou’removingyourfeet,spreadoutyourhandsandpulllikeyou’recrawlingthroughthe
water.”

Iwatchedhisarmmotionsandthennodded.Itdidn’tlookdifficult.Isuckedinabreathandkickedoff.
While I wasn’t trying to go at my fastest speed before, knowing he was watching now, I threw my

bodyintothemotions.MybodycurvedagainstthewaterandItriedthehandmovementhewasshowing
me.Itwasmoreworkforcingmyarmmusclesintosweepingmotionsbuthewasright.Thestrokewas
muchmorepowerfulandtheeffortwastwiceaseffective.

IbrokethesurfaceatthefarcornerandIheardhimhooting.
“You’regood,”hesaid.
IwasbreathlessbutIsmiledathim.Imovedahandtomyarm,rubbingthebicep.Itwasgoingtobe

soretomorrowifIkeptupthatpace.

“Youshoulddosomeweighttraining.”HewalkedovertowhereIwasagainsttheedgeofthepool

andslidintostandnexttome.Hetiltedhisheadatme.“Areyougoingtojointheswimteam?”

Iblushed,shakingmyhead.“I’mnotmuchofacompetitor.”

“You’reshittingme.”
Ihalflaughed.“Idon’tmindashortrace.”
Heblinkedatme,smiling.“Shouldwerace?”heasked.
Racehim?Hehadtobekidding.“I’lltry,”Iwhispered.
“Shouldwebetontheoutcome?”
Myeyesnarrowedathim.“You’llwin.”
“You don’t know that. You’re pretty quick. You’re smaller than me, too. You could probably move

throughthewaterfasterthanIcould.”

“Whatdoyouwant?”
Heshrugged.“Ifyouwin,whatwouldyouwant?”
I raised an eyebrow at him, unsure of his motives. Was this a trick to get me to do something else

crazy?“Iwanttoknowthesecrettogettingintothebackwoods.”

Hismouthbrokeintoawidegrin.“Iwasgoingtoshowyouthatanyway.”
Imadeaface.Ididn’tknowwhatelsetoaskfor.ThenIpointedtothet-shirtIwaswearing.“This?”

WhenIsaidit,itseemedtobetoomuch.Washebeingseriousatallaboutitthough?Orwasthisjustfor
fun?

Henodded.“IfIwin...”hepaused,lookingatmyfacelikehewastryingtoreadsomethingfromme.I

gotthefeelinghewasweighingoutwhathecouldgetawaywithaskingme.“IfIwin,youpromisethatif
weendupwithaclasstogether,you’llsitnexttome.”

Itwasanoddrequest.Ifeltmybrowslifting.Iwasn’tsureifhewasserious.“That’sit?”Icroaked

out.

“Hey,ifI’mgoingtocheatoffofsomeone,I’dlikeawillingparticipant.”
Mymouthpoppedopenandmyfingersfluttertothebaseofmythroat.“Nathan?”
Heshookhishead,laughing.“I’mkidding.Idon’tcheat.”
Igrinned.“Ido.”TherewasnowayIcouldwinthisrace.Iknewhewouldn’tletme.Ipositionedmy

feetupagainsttheedgeofthepool.

Thesmileremainedonhisfaceandhetiltedhisheadtowardme.“Really?”
Before he reacted, I shot away from the wall under the water, pushing myself against the resistance

withwhatstrengthIhadinsideme.ImanagedtogetpasthimandItriedtowidenthedistancetobeoutof
hisreach.Iusedthearmmovementheshowedme,throwingmywholebodyintothestroke.IfIwasgoing
tohaveachance,Ineededtogetclearofhim.

IwashalfwaythroughthepoolwhenIfeltahandonmyankle.Inonepull,Iwassailingbackward

throughthewaterfasterthanI’devermovedatmyowndoing.Nathanflewaheadofme.Hisreddishhair
brokethesurfaceandinafeweasybreaststrokes,hewasontheotherside.

I made it over hallway again before I surfaced. I bobbed in the water, my chest heaving as I was

laughingtoohard.“Cheat!”Igaspedout.

“Youcan’tcheatifyoudidn’tsetrules.”Hestoodup,dripsofwaterslidingoverthemusclesinhis

chestandstomach.Itriednottogapebutitwashardnottobeinaweofthepowerhehad.

Imadeafaceathim,stickingmytongueinhisdirection.
“Don’tgopullingthatfaceonme.Youowemenow.”
I laughed, splashing him. I didn’t think I would have minded sitting next to him in class, anyway.

AlthoughwhenIthoughtaboutit,IwonderedhowIwouldconcentrateifIhadsomeonelikehimnearby.

Hesmirked,sizingmeupandpositioninghislegsagainstthewall.“Iwarnedyouaboutsplashing.”
HecaughtmebeforeIhadachancetomove.
ItwasanotherhourbeforeIcrawledmywayoutofthepool,fallingonmystomachontheconcrete,

gulpinginair.

“Giveup?”Nathanasked,comingupbesidemeandsittingontheedgeofthepoolwithhislegsinthe

water.

“You play rough,” I wheezed out. Between all the races and him tossing me around the pool, I was

dizzy.

Helaughedandshookhishead,rubbingapalmathistemple.“AndhereIthoughtIhadmyownlittle

mermaidwhocouldkeepup,”hechallenged.

Iblushed.Washeclaimingme?“Youknowshediesattheendoftheoriginalstory.”
Hiseyesdarkenedandhislipstwisted.“What?Why?”
“Shesacrificesherselffortheprince’shappiness.”
“That’sfuckedup.Wasn’thehappywithher?”
“Hewasinlovewithanothergirl.”
“Whatanass.”
IrolledmyeyesandthenfloppedoveruntilIwasonmyback,lettingthesunwarmme.Therewasa

gentlebreezethatflittedaroundus.Iremainedjealousofthepoolheowned.WheneverIcouldownmy
ownhouse,IdecidedIwantedonejustlikeit.

His eyes focused on my body. I thought that he was being perverted for a moment as the shirt was

stickingtomychestbutIfeltthebreezeonmyskinandthenrealizedmysidemusthavebeenexposed.
Thebruisenearmybuttwasprominent.

“Where’dyougetthat?”Hiseyesfocusedinonit.Hereachedoutasiftotouchitbutheonlyliftedthe

shirtalittletogetabetterlook.Hesuckedinabreathandthenreachedforhisotherhandtopulldownthe
fabricoftheshorts,leaningintogetacloserlook.“Jesus.What’dyoudothatfor?”

“Ifell,”Isaidsoftly.
“Ontosomeone’sfoot?”
“Ontotheconcrete.”
“Howthehelldiditgetthatbadonyourhip?”
“Itwastheangle,Ithink.”Imovedahandtopullawaytheshirtandstuffitdowntohidethebruise.

“It’sfine,”Irecited.“Looksworsethanitfeels.”

“Probablynot,”hesaid.“I’vehadmyshareofbruises.That’sanastyone.”
Ishruggedandswallowedtotrytogetsomevoiceback.“Ican’tdoanythingforit.”
He pushed himself up until he was standing and then reached a hand down to me. “I’ve got

something.”

Iwasn’tsureifthiswasanothertrickbutI’dgottensortofusedtohisface.Whenheexpressedthat

seriouslook,hemeantit.ThenIhesitatedbecausehewasaskingtotouchhimagain.Ireachedup,feeling
hishandwraparoundmineandhepulledmeupuntilIwasstanding.

He held on to my hand, walking around the pool and heading toward the large shed that was in the

back.Itmademeblushthathewasholdingmyhand.We’djustmet.Hewastouchingme.Wasthisnormal
tohappenrightaway?Imeanfriendsheldhandssometimes,Iwassure.I’dreadaboutitinbooks.Italso
happenedwhenaguylikedyoualotandwantedtobeyourboyfriend.Sowhichwasit?Whydidthese
thingshavetobesoconfusing?

“Waithere,”hesaid.“Theflooriswood.Idon’twantyoutoslip.”
“Whataboutyou?”
Heignoredthequestionordidhearmethattimeandopenedthelatch,pullingopenthewidebarn-like

door.Theinsideofthesheddidhaveapinefloor.Thepolishgleaned.Therewasblackpaddingalongthe
edgesaboutafoothighagainstthewallandkaratepostersabovethem.Therewereafewbeltsincasesin
differentcolors,datesetchedintogoldplatesintheframes.Askylightatthetopletinsomenaturallight
butheflickedaswitchandtworowsoffluorescentlightsturnedon.

IknewhesaidnottobutIcouldn’tresistwantingtogetacloserlookofthebeltsandpostersonthe

wall.Therewashisname,NathanGriffin,etchedintothosegoldplateswiththevariousdegreesofrank

that I didn’t quite understand. There was a framed newspaper clipping with his name on it, too, and a
picture of a much younger looking Nathan holding up a trophy. I sensed him stepping up behind me,
lookingatwhatIwaslookingat.“Youdokarate?”Iasked.

“Kindof.”
Iturnedtofacehim,blinking,notunderstanding.
“It’sJujitsu.AndTaekwondo.Andsomeothermartialarts.Karateisjustadifferentstyle.”
“Oh,”Isaid.“That’sreallycool.”
Hisfacesoftenedandhesmiledatme.“Iknow.”Hecrossedtheroomtoasmallclosetthatprotruded

from the rear wall. He searched the shelves until he found what he was looking for and turned around.
“Letmeseethatbruiseagain,”hesaid,comingbackacrossthefloor.

Isteppedbackoutontothepavementandheturnedoffthelight,closingthedoor.Heturnedtomeand

Iliftedtheshirttorevealthebruise.Heheldacrumpledwhitetubeinhishand.Heopenedthetopand
squirtedoutawhitecreamontohispalm.Hepressedhisfingerstothebruisetolatheritintomyskin.

“Whatisthis?”Anacidicmedicinesmellmademecrinklemynose.Thecreamwasgreasyandwhile

hewasdelicateasherubbed,itdidhurtashetouchedme.PartofmewonderedifitwasbecauseIwas
supersensitivethathewasaboyIstilldidn’tknowwellandhewastouchingapartofmethatmademe
shiver.

“Arnica cream. It’s supposed to help with bruising and sore muscles.” He dipped his fingers down

intotheshortsalittletocoveralittlemoreofthearea,thenwipedhishandoffonhisshortsandclosed
thecaponthetube.Hehandedthetubetome.“Putthisontwiceadayuntilitstartstoturngreen.”

Itookthebottleandheldittomychest.“Thankyou.”
Hewasstandingclosetome.Hisblueeyesfixedonmine.“You’reprettyniceforagirl.”
Ihalfchoked.“What?”
“Youknow,”hesaid,wavinghishandaroundhishead,beingdismissive.“Girlsareall‘givemethat’

andusuallywanttogetallcuteonthecouchandnotgettheirhairwetand...yeah,indoortypes.”

Iliftedaneyebrow.“Girlsdon’tlikewethair?”
Helaughed.“You’retotallymissingthepoint.”
“ProbablybecauseI’magirl.”Idon’tknowwhybutIfeltdefensiveaboutbeingseparatedfromother

girls.Normalgirlsdon’tliketoswim?

Herolledhiseyes,wavinghishandagainintheairbutlaughed.Analarmnoisesoundednearbyand

heracedovertowherehehaddroppedhisshirtnearthepool.Hepulledfromthebundleacellphoneand
answeredit.Iwastryingnottooverheartheconversationbutitwasdifficultnotto.“Yeah?No,Iwasjust
swimmingwithSang.She’sthe...oh.Youknowher?”Heturned,lookingatmewithhiseyebrowraised
ashelistened.“Yeah,okay.We’llcomeover.”Hehungup.

Iswallowed.Uhoh.ThathadtobeKotaoroneoftheotherguys.Sotheykneweachother?
Hecheckthesportswatchathiswrist.“Havetobesomewhere?”
I considered what I should say. Should I lie and go home? No, I still had to ensure they didn’t try

calling.Istillwasn’tsurehowtoexplainwhathappenedtomyvoiceorwhytheycouldn’tdosomething
asnormalascallme.Ishookmyhead.

Nathan’sheadtiltedtowardthehouse.“Let’sgetdressed.How’dyoumeetKota?”
“Longstory.”
Hesmiled.“Tellmeonthewaytohishouse.”

IstoodwithNathanonKota’sfrontporch.Myhairwasstillwetandmyjeanswerestillkindofdirty.

Iwasgratefultheywerefullydry.Ipulledmyhairoutofthemessontopofmyhead,untanglingtheclip.I

heldtheclipwithmyteethandtwistedmyhairagain,replacingtheclipinaquickmovement.Dripsfell
onmyneckasthetipsofmyhairspilledoutfromthetopoftheclip.

NathanwatchedmeasIdidit.“Lookslikeshit,”hesaidwithateasinggrin.
ImadeafaceathimjustasJessicaopenedthedoor.Shelookedcuteinalittlepinkflowerdress.She

peered out at us, took one look at Nathan, turned bright red and rushed away from the door, leaving it
hangingopen.

Iliftedaneyebrowandturnedtowardhim.
Helookedperplexedatmeandshruggedhisshoulders.“Shecaughtmesparringwithafriendoneday.

ItprobablylookedlikeIbeathimupprettybad.IheardVictortellheronedayifshedidn’tgetstraight
A’slikeherbrother,I’dcomeoveranddothesamethingtoher.”

IwasstilllaughingwhenKotacametothedoor.
“Thereyouare,”hesaid.HeworeCalvinKleinjeansandashortsleeve,whitedressshirt,buttoned

tohisneck.Hisslidhisglassesupfurtheronhisnose,lookingrelieved.“Whathappenedtoyou?”

Iblinkedathim.“Youwerelookingforme?”Iwhispered.
Hiseyesfocusedonme.“What?”
“Hervoiceisgone,”Nathansaid.“Shecan’ttalk.”
Kota’s expression changed, his eyebrow raised. “It was fine yesterday. What happened?” His eyes

wereintenseonme.

MyheartwasthrobbingsohardthatIwasn’tsurehowtoreact.MylipsmovedbutIcouldn’tfigure

outwhattosay.

Hefrowned.“Ialmostwentovertoyourhouse.Iwasn’tsurehowtoreachyou.Itriedwalkingbyjust

incaseyouhappenedtolookout.Iwonderedifyouwereintrouble.”

Ipushedafingertowardmylowerlip.“Sorry,”Iwhispered.Iwasn’tsurewhatelsetosay.
“What’stheproblem?”Nathanasked,shiftingonhisfeetandlookingbetweenmeandKota.“What’s

goingon?”

Kotafumbledwiththebuttonatthecollarofhisshirt.“Well,it’ssomethingwe’vegottofigureout.

Comeonin.I’lllookatyourthroat.”

My hand fluttered to my throat, touching delicately at the dip at the base. “It’s not a problem,” I

whispered,forcingasmile.ThelastthingIwantedwasthissortofcomplication.Itwasmyresponsibility
toactasabarrierbetweenmyparentsandanyoneImet.IfIwasgoingtokeepanyfriendsatall,Ihadto
stopthemfromdiscoveringmyproblemsathome.

HowwasIgoingtokeepthispeace,thisseparationofmyfriendsandmyfamily?

G

ABRIEL

I

trembledasIfollowedKotathroughhishouse.Nathanclosedthedoorbehindusandfellinbehind

me.Icouldonlytakeaglancebuttherewereatonoffamilyphotosonthewalls,decorationsindisplays,
rugs spread across the floor, and knickknacks on tables through the foyer. Compared to my own empty
house,itfeltalmostclutteredbutIlovedit.Itfeltsofullandlivedin.Thelivingroomhadabluecarpet
thatwassimilartotheoneinKota’sroom.Therewasabeigesofawithplumpembroideredpillows.A
wide screen TV sat inside an entertainment center. There were a couple of plants sitting on top of side
tablesandabookshelfalongonewallfilledwithnovels.

“Where’syourmom?”Iaskedinmycrackingvoice,tryingtopulltheconversationawayfromme.
“She’satwork.”Helookedatthesofaasifconsideringit.“Weshouldheaduptomyroom.Butkeep

anearout.VictorandGabrielshouldbehereinaminute.”

IlookedatNathan,wantingtoaskwhoGabrielwasbuthewasn’tlookingatmeandinsteadheaded

offafterKotapastthediningroomtowardthestartofthestairs.

Islowlyfollowedthem,tryingtocomeupwithsomethingtotellthemthatwasn’tthetruth,ortomake

itlighterthanwhatwasgoingon.Onlymymindwentblank.I’vealreadybeennotfullyhonestaboutother
things. Did I really want to make some of my first friends here hate me because I lied to them? How
wouldIeverexplainmymom?

Atthetopofthestairsinhisroom,Kotastartedtodraghiscomputerchairacrossthefloor.Heopened

asidedrawerathisdesk,pickingupaflashlight.Hepositionedthechairinthemiddleoftheroomand
thenpointedatit.“Sit.”

Thecommandandpowerinhisvoicecausedaknee-jerkreaction.Isankintothechair,unsureofwhat

elseIcoulddo.

Kotastoodinfrontofme,withNathanbesidehim.Theybentoverme.Kotaheldtheflashlighttoward

myface,flickingthelighton.“Openup,”hesaid.

Iswallowed,openingathisrequest.Kotasquintedthroughhisglassesashelookedintomythroat.He

studiedmymouth.Iwasn’tsurewhatIwassupposedtodo.Myheartwaspounding.

“What’swrongwithher?”Nathanaskednexttohim.HewastryingtoglancearoundKota’sheadto

lookinsidemythroat,too.

“It’s...burned,”hesaid.Heflickedthelightoff.Withhisfreehandhetuggedatmychin,makingme

lookathiseyes.“Whathappenedyesterdaywhenyougothome?”

Imovedmylipsasthepowerinhisvoiceluredmeto,butIcouldn’tfindthewords.Iwasunableto

lietohim.Wasithisdevouringgreeneyesorthewayhisconcernformewasapparentonhisface?

Kotafrowned.Hekneltinfrontofme,wrappinghiswarmfingersaroundmine.“Sang,I’mgoingto

assumeifyou’renottellingme,it’ssomethingbad.I’mgoingtoaskyousomequestions.JustnodifI’m
right.Didyougetintotroubleyesterdaywithyourparents?”

Isighed,nodding.
“Wasitbecauseyouleftwithus?”
Ishookmyhead.Nope.

NathansatonKota’sbed.IfelthimlookingatmebutIcouldn’tmakemyselffacehim.
Kotagraspedmyhandalittletighter.“Didtheyhaveyoudrinksomething?”
Ibitmylip,closedmyeyesandnodded.Iswallowedhard.Thiswasit,Ithought.Theywouldsend

mehomenowandI’dneverseethemagain.Whowantstodealwithagirlwithcrazyparents?

“Whatwasit?”Kotaaskedsoftly.WhenIdidn’trespond,hesqueezedmyhandagain.“Sang?Tellme.

Whatwasit?”

Ipeeledmylipsaparttowhisper.“Lemonjuice...andvinegar.”
“Fucking shit,” Nathan bellowed. “What the hell did they do that for?” His eyes were so cold. He

turnedtoKota.“Wehavetodosomething.Theycan’tdothat.”

“Iknow,”Kotastarted.HiseyeswerefixedonmeandhisfacewasasseriousasNathan’s.“Hasthis

happenedbefore?”

Ishookmyhead.
“Whydidtheydoitthistime?”
I glanced at Nathan to divert my eyes somewhere besides Kota’s face but Nathan was making me

tremble just as badly. “Silas called,” I whispered. “A boy’s never called before. Please don’t tell him.
He’llfeelbad.It’snothisfault.”

Nathangrunted.“Startatthetop.AreyoutellingmeIcan’tcomeforyouifyou’reatyourhouse?I

can’tcallyou?Howbadarewetalking?”

Thesoundofacardrivingupandashortcarhonkcutthrough.Ugh,morepeople, I thought. Victor

andGabriel.Thiswaswaytoocomplicated.IwantedtogohomeandhideonlyIwasn’tbraveenoughto
move.NowGabriel,acompletestranger,wasgoingtolearnaboutthis,too.Ishookwithhumiliation.

IhesitatedandKotastaredatmeamomentbutthenhegotup.“Yourvoicewillcomeback.Youjust

need to rest your throat. Hang on a second.” He crossed the room and ran down the stairs. I heard him
answeringthedoorbelow.

Themomenthisheadwasgone,Nathanturnedtome.“Whydon’tyoujustsayit?Doyourparentsbeat

you?”

Iwavedmyhandsintheairacrossmybody.“It’snotquitelikethat.Theydon’thitmeoranything.”
“Buttheydon’tlikeyouhangingoutwithanyone?WhathappensifIshowedup?”
“Don’t.Please.”
Hismouthturnedintoafrown.“Wouldtheyflipoutiftheyfoundoutyouwerewithmetoday?”
Inodded.
“Hey,” he said, he leaned toward me until his face was close to mine. “Don’t worry. I won’t say

anythingtothem.Whatabouttheothergirl?Youhaveasister,right?Didshegetthis,too?”

Ishookmyhead.Islidoutoftheofficechairandontomykneestositonthefloor,sittingdelicatelyon

myheels.“Shedidn’thavetodrink...”Isaid,butmyvoicefellthen.Iswallowed.

Nathanmovedoffofthebedandthensatnexttome.Hewasabouttosaysomethingwhenthuddingon

thestairssoundedagain.Iheardsomeoneshutthedoordownstairsandtheflickofthelockandthenthree
headsappearedastheygottothetopofthestairs.Victorwasfirst.Hewaswearingdarkdesignerjeans
thistime,hisshirtwaswhite,buttoneduptohiscollarbone.Hisfacelookedalittlestrainedbutwhenhe
sawme,herelaxedalittle.Hepushedbackhiswavyhairawayfromhiseyes.Kotafollowedbehindhim.
Amomentlater,anotherguypoppedupfromthestairs,lookingasifhe’djumpedthelastcoupleofsteps.

WhenIfirstheardthename,Ithoughtitwouldbeagirl.GabrielwasaboutVictor’sheightthougha

littleslimmerinthehips.Hishairhunglongaroundhischinbutbrushedbackawayfromhisface.Two
locksofhair,onetuckedbehindeachear,wascoloredalightershadeofblond.Therestofhishairwasa
richbrown.Hiseyeswerecrystal-like,brightblue,excitedandwild.Hehadacoupleofringsoneachof
hishandsandstudearringsineachear,hisrightearhadthreemoreringsgoingupalongthetop.Hewore
jeansandaneongreentankshirtwhichshowedofflean,butdefinedbiceps.

“Oy,” Gabriel said, his voice surprising me as it was deeper than Victor’s. “So you’re the

troublemaker.”

Heatradiatedatmycheeks.Wasthatwhattheyweresayingaboutme?
Victorgavehimachoponhishead.“Don’tpickonher.”
GabrielduckedawayfromVictor'shandandthenmovedtositnexttome.“Hey,Iwasonlyteasing,”

he said. “I didn’t mean anything by it.” He turned to me. “Don’t listen to me, okay?” His face was so
brightandhappy.Hehadanangularchin,aslightnoseandshapedeyebrows.Hiscrystalblueeyeswere
dazzlinglikesunlightinpoolwater.

Kota tucked his chair back toward his desk and then sat across from us. Victor plopped down on

Kota’sbed,handstuckedbehindhisheadandlookingupattheceiling.

“Weneedtobemorecarefularoundherparents,”Nathansaid.
Kotanodded.“Ithinkthat’swhyweneedtotalkaboutit.”Helookedatme.“Telluswhatweneedto

do.”

Iblinkedathim,notsurewhattosay.Whatwasthis?Theyseemedtofreelyacceptthatmyparents

were difficult and now they’re willing to learn how to handle this? This seemed impossible. Anyone
normalwouldhavetoldmetogohomeandwouldn’twanttogetinthemiddleofit.Iflittedlooksfrom
Kota’s green caring eyes, to Nathan’s serious expression, to Gabriel’s curiosity... I even caught Victor
turninghishead,lookingatme,andthefireinhiseyesalittlesubduedbutworking,asifthinking.

“I’mnotsurewheretostart,”Iwhispered.DidVictorandGabrielknow?DidKotatellthem?
Theguyslookedateachother.GabrielandNathanhadthatsameknacktoreadtheothers.Therewas

theslightinclineoftheheadfromeachofthembeforetheyturnedbacktome.“Whatwouldwehavetodo
ifwewantedtocomeover?”Kotaasked.“Let’sstartwiththat.”

As soon as the words were spoken, a thudding sound started to reverberate from the quiet of the

neighborhood.Abasketballwasbeingbouncedoutsideinthestreet.

Lookswereexchangedbetweenallofus.Nathanjumpedupandrushedtothewindowseat,leaning

againsttheframetolookoutside.“It’sDerrick.”

Everyone else got up at once. Kota and I stood on either side of Nathan and looking down into the

street.VictorandGabrielmovedtotheotherwindowtolookout.

Aguyaboutouragewaswalkingupthestreet.Hishairwasblackwithabowlcut.Hewastan.His

shirtwasremovedandhangingoverhisshoulderandhewaswearingjeanshortsandwasbarefoot.He
bouncedabasketballinhishandsashewalkeddownthestreet.

“Whereishegoing?”Nathanwonderedoutloud.
Wewatchedinsilencetogetherastheboywalkedtomyhouseandstartedtoheadupthedrive.
Myeyeswidened.Whatwashedoing?
Kota caught my hand that was fluttering at my throat, enclosing it with both of his hands. “Did you

meethim?Ishegoingtoaskforyou?”

Ishookmyhead,watchingastheboydisappearedintotheopengarageattachedtothehousetoward

thesidedoor.“I’veneverseenhimbefore.”

He let go of my hand. I think we were all holding our breath, waiting for whatever was going to

happen.

Inwhatfeltlikeeons,theboyreappearedagain.Marietrailedbehindhim,slow,hesitant.
Theystartedplayingbasketball.
Iblinked.Mysisterwasplayingwiththeboydowntheroad.Whatwasshedoing?
“Looksokaytome,”Nathansaid.Heturnedtome.“Maybeweshouldgoover.”
“Waitaminute,”Isaid,takingaholdofhisshirtsleevetostophimbeforehecouldleave.Helooked

atmeandthenbackoutatthehouse.

Itonlytookafewminutes.TheyweretradingoffthebasketballinwhatlookedlikeagameofHORSE

orPIG.Theballwastossedatthegoal.Mariestartedtorunforitbutstoppeddead.Theyturnedtheir
heads toward the garage. My sister ducked her head and ran for the garage. The boy collected his
basketballandstartedhiswaybackdownthedrive.

“Whathappened?”Nathanturnedtome.“Wasityourmom?”
Inodded.“Shecalledtothematthedoor.”Iwatchedastheboymadehiswaybackuptheroad.“You

shouldgohome.Shehaschorestodo,”Irecitedthelinemymotheralwaysused.Whilewedidn’tlive
closetootherkids,afewneighborshadgrandkidsthatvisitedandwouldasktoplayiftheysawusinthe
yard.Mymotheralwayssentthemaway.

“Doyouhavechores?”Gabrielasked.
I shook my head. Marie and I did split chores, but the house was usually pretty spotless. We were

never outside our rooms so most of the house was never touched. Depending on my mom’s mood now,
Mariemightbetoldtogetonherkneesinthekitchenforhoursorsomethingelse.Ishuddered,worried
for her, too. I wondered what she was thinking to run outside like that. There was a possibility Marie
thoughtshewasdeadasleep.Shewaswrong.“Idon’tknowwhatwillhappentoher.”

Victormadeafistandthenfloppedbackontothebed.“Idon’tlikethis.”
Kota and Nathan moved away from the window seat, but I remained, watching to see the boy

disappear around the bend in the street. “It’s her way of keeping control,” I said softly. My face was
radiatingheatandIfeltatearinmyeyeandIblinkeditback.IthoughtIhadgottenusedtothewaymy
parentshandledthings.KeepingitinthedarkwashowIhandledit.

Gabriel moved to sit on the bed near Victor’s legs. He patted the floor below him with his hand,

lookingupatme.“Comehere.Yourhairisbuggingme.Kota,doyouhaveabrush?”

Kotaleaptupanddisappearedintohisbathroomforamoment.Hefoundabluehairbrushandtossed

itovertoGabriel.

Gabrielcaughtitwithonehandandcurledhisfingersatme.“Comeon,”hesaid.
I felt awkward but did what I was told, moving to sit at his feet, leaning a little against the bed. I

pulledthehairclipaway,lettingmyhairfallinawetclumpagainstmyneck.

“Andwhatdoyoucallthislook?Wetshag?”Hisfingersfellovermyhair,lightlytuggingattheknots.
VictortoedatGabriel’sbacktopokeathim.“Leaveheralone.”
“Hey, I’m fixing it.” He smoothed out my hair at the tips, starting with combing out the ends. “I’m

goingtodetangleit,butwe’regoingtowashitoutandthendryit.”

IshotapleadinglookatKota,feelingawkward.ItwasasifIwasbeingtoldIdidn’tknowhowto

handlemyownbody,likebeingtoldIwassmellyandneededsomedeodorant.Kotadidn’tseemfazedby
it.

“It’smyfault,”Nathansaid.“Ipushedherintothepool.”
Theyalllookedathim.Idid,too.Ihadn’texpectedhimtotalkaboutit.Myblushcontinuedonmy

face,nowwaitingtoseeifKotaorVictorappearedangrythatIwentswimmingwithNathaninsteadof
comingover.WhyIfeltthatway,Iwasn’tsure.

Onlytheydidn’tlookangry.Theylookedsurprised.“Whathappened?”Kotaasked.
GabrielbrushedoutmyhairwhileNathanexplainedabouthowhefoundmeinthetreeandhowhe’d

pushed me into the pool, all the way up until we were standing at Kota’s door. He complimented my
swimming.Againthewarm,tendersensationwashedoverme.Iappreciatedhownormaltheywere.We
were talking and hanging around together. For the moment I was so glad they were forgetting about my
problems. I tried not to look as excited as I was. I knew that Kota sitting on the floor a couple of feet
away wasn’t feeling his heart thudding or even thinking about the situation in the way I was. Touching,
talking,laughing...Sothisiswhathappenswhenpeoplegottogether?

Iwasenviousoftheyearstheymusthavespenttogethertobesocomfortablewithoneanother.Would

I ever be so cozy with them? Would there ever be a day when I wasn’t really conscious about the

moment?

Gabrielpattedmynowsmoothedstrandsofhair.Softcurlsfellaroundmyshoulders,stillwetbutnow

brushed.“Yourcolorisamazing,”hesaid.“Howisitsomanydifferentcolors?”

Iwasn’tsurehowtorespond.“It’slikeadirtyblondeorsomething.”
“Orsomethingisright,”hesaid.“There’salittleredinthere.Variousshadesofblonde.It’scrazy.”

Heurgedmeupbynudgingmeintheshoulder.“Let’sgowashit.Iwanttoblowdryitandseehowit
looks.”

IagainlookedatKota,whoonlysmiledalittlesympatheticallyatme.Nathanwassmirking.Ithinkhe

was enjoying this. I was feeling silly but I stood up. Gabriel stood, grabbing my arm and pushing me
towardKota’sbathroom.

He shut the bathroom door and we stood alone in the enclosed space. I felt my breath catch, not

expectingthis. Flashes ofmy imagination wentthrough my head ofthings my momwould tell me about
whenboysgotyoualone.IfbeinginKota’sroomtogetherwithallofthemwasn’tbadenough,hereIwas
inalockedroomwithonewhowantedtoplaywithmyhair.

GabrielwenttoKota’sshowerandfoundabottleofshampooandconditioner.“Thesearen’tidealfor

youbutit’swhatwehaverightnow.”Hemadeagesturetothesinkandthenpattedmeonthehip.“Let’s
gettowork.”

MycheeksradiatedandImovedforwardtofacethesink.
Gabriel stood next to me and twisted the knobs, testing the temperature with his fingers. “Tell me

whenyouthinkit’sokay.”

Ireachedin,waitingforthewatertowarm.Whenitdid,Inoddedtohim.
“Getinthere,”hesaid.
Icouldhearvoicesfromtheothersideofthedoor.IhadafeelingitwasaboutmeandIwasstraining

tohearoverthesoundoftherushingwater.

WhenIduckedmyheadunderthefaucetofthesink,Icouldn’thearthevoices.JustGabriel.
“You’regoingtoourschool,aren’tyou?”heasked,hisfingerscombingthroughmyhairagain,rubbing

alongmyscalpbehindmyearsandreallyworkinghisfingersalongthebaseofmyhead.Themassaging
motionrelaxedme.Hewasgoodatthis.

“Yes,”Icroaked,notsurewhattosay.Iwasfeelingevenshyernowthathe’dseensuchanintimate

sideofmeandlearnedtheawkwardnessofmyfamily.Hejustmetmeandheknewtheworstthingssofar.

“We’llbeinthesamegrade,”hesaid.“Goingtosignupforartclass?”
Ilaughed.“Ican’tdraw.”
“NeithercanI,”hesaid.Hemovedbehindme,Ifelthishipmeetingmine.Touchingwasimpossible

togetusedto.Iresistedtheurgetoleapawayfromhimthoughitwasdifficult.“Ihearyoujustshowup
andplaywithpaint.There’snotmuchtoit.”

Therewasthefragranceofsoapfillingmynoseandhisfingerslatheredupmyhairwithshampoo.“So

youwantaneasygrade?”Iasked.

“Theydon’toffertheclassesIwanttotake.”
“Whatdoyouwanttotake?”
He finished rubbing the shampoo in and then pushed my head a little until I was further under the

runningwater.Hecuppedhishandintothewatertoredirecttheflowtorunoverthebaseofmyneck.“I
wouldn’t mind learning bass. I already play guitar. There’s one class at... um... another school.” His
fingerssmoothedoverthelocksofmyhair.IthoughtIfelthimcurlingsomeofthestrandsbutitwashard
totell.

Hishesitationconfusedme.“Anotherschool?”
“Justoneoftheprivateschools.”
“Areyouconsideringgoingtotheprivateschoolnextyear?”

Hishandsmovedawayfrommyheadandhewassilent.IthoughtImighthavesaidsomethingwrong

butIheardabottlebeingsqueezedandhewasrubbingsomethingbetweenhishands.“Might.”

“Istherearequirementtogetin?”
Hemovedhisfingersthroughmyhairagain,takingtimetoworktheconditionerthrougheverystrand.

“There’salwaysarequirementforaprivateschool,sweetie.”

The endearment made my breath catch. People don’t call other people sweetie up north, not unless

theyweresweethearts.Iwonderediftherewasahiddenmeaningorifthatwasjusthowpeopletalked
hereinthesouthlikeI’dseeninmovies.

“Soitmeansyouwon’tbegoingtomyschoolifyougototheprivateone,”Isaidsoftly.
“Maybe,”hesaid.“Victor’ssomean,isn’the?Didyouseehimkickme?Iwastryingtobeniceand

fixyourhairandhe’skickingme.”Washedodgingthequestionorwasitobvious?

“He’snotsobad,”Isaid,thinkingofthedaybeforeofhowhehadheldmyhandonthewayoutofthe

mallandofthesheetmusic.

“No,heisn’tbad.He’sjustapainintheasssometimes.”Hefinishedthelatherandthenhadmedunk

myheadintothewateroncemore.

WhenIwasfinishedanddrippingintothesink,hefoundatowelinthetinybathroomclosetandheld

itouttome.Iwrappedmyhairintoitwhilehedugaroundinthecabinetunderthesink.Hepulledout
organizedbluebins,reachingdeeperinsideforoneneartheback.

“Sohowdoyouknoweveryone?”
“Huh?”heasked,pullinganoldermodelbrowndryeroutfromunderthesink.
Iswallowedandtriedtostagewhisper.“Imean,howdidyoumeetKota?AndVictor?Whendidyou

allbecomefriends?”

Hepushedthebluebinsbackunderneaththesinkandpluggedinthedryer.Hesnappedhisfingersand

pointedattheclosedtoiletseat.WhenIwassitting,myheadcameuptohisstomach.Heflippedonthe
dryerandstartedcombinghisfingersthroughmyhair.“Imetthemallinkindergarten,”hesaid.“Wewent
tothesameelementaryschool.EveryonebutSilasandNorth.”

“Who’sNorth?”
“Anotheroneoftheguys,”hesaid.“There’sme,Kota,Victor,Nathan,Silas,NorthandLuke.”
“Who’sLuke?”
“North’sbrother.”
Iblinked.Sevenofthem.
Gabriel reached for the hair brush on the counter and started smoothing out my hair. “You see,

everyoneexceptNorthandSilasgrewuptogether.Silasdidn’tmovehereuntilmaybewhenwewereten.
Northcameaboutayearlater.”

“WherewasNorth?”
“He was living with his dad in Europe,” he said, brushing my hair up against the wind from the

blower.“Theylivewiththeirunclenow.”

“Dotheystopbyhereoften?”
“You’llseethemsometime,”hesaid.
Asilencegrewbetweenusashefocusedonfixingmyhair.WiththewayIwassitting,Icouldn’tsee

whathewasdoingtome.Mostlyitfeltlikehewasjustdryingitout,buthewasdoingatwistthingtoadd
alittlevolume.ItwasmorethanIeverbotheredtodo.

Therereallywasnoreasonformetodomoretoit.Iusuallyneversawanyonebutmyownfamily.

Mariewouldtrimmyhairforme.Shewasn’tverygoodbutwithmyhairpulledback,noonenoticed.

Whenhewasdone,heputdownthedryerandthebrushontothecountertop.Hesmoothedhisfingers

throughmyhair.“Yourhairissoft.Iwasrightaboutthecolor,too.It’schameleon.”

“Huh?”

“Changescolordependingonthelight.”Heputthebrushbackinadrawerandthentossedtheblow

dryerunderthesink.IwonderedifKotawouldbeupsethedidn’tcarefullyputitbackwherehe’dfound
it.Gabrielcurledhisfingertome.“Comehere,stepinfrontofme.”

Istoodinfrontofthesinkandhesteppedbehindme.Hiseyesappearedovermyheadinthemirror

and his fingers crept up to my scalp. He was playing with my hair, threading his fingers through the
strandsandcombingoutthelockstothetipsofmyhair.Hetriedcurlingafewstrandsaroundhisfingers
andthensmoothedthehairbackoutagain.“You’restunning,”hesaidsoftly.

MycheeksheatedandIcouldseemyselfblushinginthemirrorallthewaytothetipsofmyears.
“Don’tbeembarrassed,”hesaid.“Youcan’tbeembarrassedbythetruth.Lookatthatcutenoseyou

have.Youknowwhat?Itdoesn’tevenmatterwhenyoublush.That’sjustnature’smakeup.Heavymakeup
lookslikeshitonagirl.Youdon’tneedit.”Hepursedhislipstogetherandthenbroughthischeektothe
side of my head so I could see his whole face next to mine in the mirror. He focused on my eyes by
lookingthroughthemirror.“IwanttoaskyousomethingpersonalandIwantyoutobehonestwithme.
You’veneverhadaboyfriend,haveyou?”

Thequestioncaughtmeoffguard.Ishookmyheadandmymouthshapedintoan‘o’.
“Ididn’tthinkso.”
Imadeafaceathim.“YouthinkI’mnaive?”
“Innocent,”hecorrected,hisvoicewassofternow.Hecurledalockofmyhairthroughhisfingers.

“I’vebeenflirtingwithyouthiswholetimeandyouhaven’toncetoldmetoshutthefuckupordothat
stupidthinggirlsdowhentheywantanothercompliment.”

Iwasbeetred.Flirting?“ShouldItellyouto...tobackoff?”
Hislipspartedandhestartedtosing.“Sang,heartonyoursleeve.Youwatchout,I’mgoingtosteal

yourheart.”Thewayhewassingingwassweetandhisvoiceflowedfromhislipsassmoothaswater.It
wasclearhehadsomelessons.Hestoppedsingingandwaitedasifexpectingmetosaysomething.When
Ididn’t,hebeamed.Heturnedandshooedmewithhishands.“Let’sgetyououtintothesunlightandsee
whatyourhairlookslike.”

IwasblushingbadlyasIfollowedhimbackoutintoKota’sbedroom.Mymindwaswhirlingsofast

that I felt like I needed to stay behind and calm myself. It just shocked me that I hadn’t recognized the
thingshewasdoingasflirting.Orwasheteasing?

Myhairdidfeelreallygood.
He padded back out into the bedroom and then side stepped, holding his hand out toward me in a

presentation.“Seeguys,thisishowhairshouldlook.”

Victorwasstillonthebed,fiddlingwiththemedallionathisneck.Kotawasathiscomputer,typing

somethingin.Nathanwassittinginthewindowseat,punchingsomethingintohisphone.

Theyallturnedatthesametimetolookatme.Kotastoppedtypingandreadjustedhisglasses.Victor

satup,hismouthopen.Nathandroppedhisphonebutcaughtitbeforeitfelltothecarpet.

“Didyouchangethecolor?”Kotaasked.
“Ididn’tdoshit,”Gabrielsaid.“Iwasheditandthenblowdrieditout.That’sallher.”
“Youjustkeepittiedbackinthatclip,”Victorsaid.“That’swhyitlooksdifferentnow.”
Ipulledastrandbehindmyear.“ItgetsinthewaywhenI’mbusy.”Iwasn’tsureifheheardme.
“Just wait until I get my scissors,” Gabriel said. He reached back to me, running a finger through a

lockofmyhairclosetomyface.“Icangiveitsomedepth.”

“Idon’tthinkIshould,”Isaid.“Myparentswillnotice.”
Hemadeaface.“Yourparentsareacomplication.”
“We’reworkingonthat,”Kotasaid.
Iblinkedathim.“I...”Iswallowed.
Gabrielleanedintome.“Justwhisperittome.I’lltellthem.”

Isighedandthenwhisperedinhisear.Heleanedinsocloselythatmylipstouchedhislobe.EvenasI

leanedawaytoavoidit,hekepthimselfclose.Hesmelledlikewarmth,floral.

HerepeatedwhatIsaid,“Shethinksweshouldkeeplikewe’redoingnow.She’sokaywithescaping

everymorningandjustnottellingthemwhereshe’sgoing.”

“That’spartofit,fornow,”Kotasaid.Hestoodup,movingtositonthecarpetagain.Imovedoverto

sitnexttohim.ThistimeVictorgotupandsatonthefloornexttome.Theothersjoinedus.“Imadea
promisetoyou,didn’tI?Ijustthinkweneedtofigureoutawaytoreachyou.Weprobablyalsoshould
slowlystartjustshowingup.Imean,maybeyourmomwouldgetusedtous.”

MyeyeswidenedandIshookmyhead.“No.Wecan’t.”Theystilldidn’tquiteunderstandbutIdidn’t

want to worry them anymore. The swallowing vinegar was bad enough but who knew what else she
would do to me if she knew for sure boys were talking to me? Would she fulfill her promise about the
bleach?

He nodded, rubbing fingers at his chin. “Maybe we should start with a girl. There’s Danielle who

livesupthestreet.Wecouldaskhertogoover.”

Nathanrolledhiseyes,lookingaway.“Isshegoingtowantto?”
“She’snotthatbad.”
“Unlessyoutrytotalktoher,”Gabrielsaid.
“Orsitnexttoheronthebus,”Nathansaid.
“Orwalkbyherinschool,”Victoradded.
“She’swhowehavetoworkwith,”Kotapointedout.“OrwecouldtryJessica.Butshe'syoungsoI

don't know how that would work.” He turned back to me. “In the meantime, I was wondering if you’d
allowustogiveyouacellphonetouse.”

MyheadtiltedbackwardalittleandIstammered.“M...me?”
“Ithinkit’llbethebestwaytocheckinwithyouandmakeplansifwe’regoingtomakeany.It’llbe

thebestwaytocommunicate.”

I rubbed a palm over my head. “I don’t know. You guys are going through a lot of trouble for me

already.Youstillhardlyknowme.”

“It’sacellphone,notamarriageproposal,”Victorsaid.Hisstrong,leanhandssmoothedawrinkleon

hisjeans.

“Itcostsmoney,”Isaid.“Idon’treallyhaveawaytopayforit.”
“That’snotsomethingyouneedtoworryabout,”Victorsaid.Helockedhisfireeyesonme.
“We’ll find an inexpensive one at the convenience store,” Kota said. “Nothing fancy. It’ll allow for

phonecallsandtextmessages.”

Iglancedatthecarpet,stillfeelinguncomfortable.Howstrangeitfeltthattheywereincludingmeinto

thiscircle.Nowtheywerepullingtogethertogetacellphoneforme.Guiltweighedonmethattheyeven
thoughttospendanyamountofmoneyonsomeonelikeme.AsIlookedatallofthem,itseemedasifthis
decisionhadalreadybeenmade.Theywerejustwaitingtotellme.“I’llhavetobecareful,”Isaid.“Ifmy
parentseverfoundit,Idon’tknowwhattheywoulddo.”

“Doyouhaveaplacetohideit?”Nathanasked,raisinganeyebrow.
“Maybe.There’sanatticdoorinmyroom,”Isaid,pushingafingertomylowerlip.
“Whynotjustunderyourpillow?”Gabrielasked.
“Someonewillfindit,”Isaid.UnlessIstayedrightthereinmyroom,it’seasyenoughtounlockthe

doorandpokearound.IknewmymothercouldeasilysearchmyroomifshewantedandMarieoftendid
anyway.AphonewasthelastthingIwantedanyofthemtofind.

“Youdoitthebestyoucan,”Kotasaid.HeturnedtoVictor.“Canyougofindone?”
Victornoddedandstoodup.
“Getheraprettyone,”Gabrielsaid.Hesmiledwideandturnedtome.“Ifyou’regoingtogetanew

phone,you’llneedagoodone.What’syourfavoritecolor?”

Iblushedastheattentionwasdivertedtomeagain.ShouldIbehonestorsaysomethingIthoughtwas

cool?“Pink,”Isaid,tryingtobehonest.

Gabriel’sblueeyesbrightened.“Yeah.Goodchoice.Getherapinkone.”
Victorsmirked.“Onepinkcellphone.”
“Trytogetheronethat’sinconspicuous,”Kotaadded.
“Oneinconspicuouspinkphone.”
“Andgetherasturdyone,”Nathansaid.“Shemightdropit.Youknowhowaccidentpronesheis”He

grinnedatme.

Victorshiftedonhisfeet,lookingannoyed.“Oneinconspicuous,sturdy,pinkcellphone.DoIneedto

gluesequinstoitandincludeanantennaarray?”

“Dotheyhavethose?”Gabrielasked,blinkingathim.
Victorshothimalook.“I’llberightback.”Hefishedouthiskeysandheadedtothestairs,storming

downthemandclosingthedoorwithabang.

Afterheleft,Kotaadjustedhisglassesagain.“Well,that’stakencareof.”
“Idon’tknow,”Iwhispered.
Kotapointedaforefingeratme.“Sang,lookatme.”
Ifocusedonhim.Hissmileandhiseyesweresowarmthatitwashardtokeeplookingathim.Why

diditfeelhecouldreadmyownthoughtsinmyhead?Iwantedtohidemyface.

“We’refriends,right?”
Iblushed.Werewe?ItwastheverythingIwantedtoknowfromhim.Arewestillfriendsevenafter

allofthis?“Yes,”Isaid,hopefulitwastherightanswer.

“Friendshelpeachother.Stopworrying,okay?We’lltakecareofit.”
Itwistedmylips,tryingtocomeupwithareasontostopitbutnothingseemedtobetherightthingto

say.Ifelthelpless,movingalongwithaplantheyhadalreadyplotted.

Nathangotuponhiskneesonthefloor.“I’mhungry.I’mgoingtogostealasandwich,Kota.”
“There’sacoupleoffrozenonesinthefreezer,”Kotasuggested.“Heatitupinthemicrowavefora

minute.”

Nathanpointedafingeratme.“Doyouwantone?I’llbringyouupone.Iknowyouhaven’teatenyet.”
I’dforgottenaboutthat.IglancedatKota,unsureifIshould.
“It’sperfectlyfine,”Kotasaid.
Nathandisappeareddownthestairs.
“Now,”Kotabeganafterheleft.“Weshouldprobablytalkaboutschoolandyourclasses.”
“Classes?”Whywerewetalkingaboutthis?IlookedatGabrielbuthewasunreadable.Shouldwe

worryaboutthisnow?Itdidrelaxmethoughthattheyhadseemedtomoveonfromtalkingaboutwhat
happened. I felt so terrible already, like I was causing them problems being around. It amazed me they
werebothering.Iftheywerewillingtoputupwithme,Iwoulddomybestnottodragthemdown.

Kotanodded.“Registrationisthedayaftertomorrow.Yourparentswillbetakingyou?”
Inodded.“Mydad.”
Gabrielscootedovernexttome.“Artclass,right?”
Ismiledathim.“Iftheydon’tmindstickfigures,”Iwhispered.
Kotagotuptomovetohisdeskandopenedadrawer.Hepulledoutanenvelopeandbroughtitover.

“Thisisthelistofclassesthatwillbeavailable.”

He opened it to reveal several printed out pages. Some of the classes were highlighted in various

colors.

“There’s the obvious,” he said. “English, geometry and a history class. Any particular interests

there?”

Icheckedoverthelist.“What’sAP?”
“Applied.Themoreadvancedclasses.”
“TheEnglishonesaystheyreadnovels?”
Thecornerofhismouthworkedupintoasmile.“Ithinkit’llbeaprettyfastpacedclass.You’dhave

toreadtherequiredpageseveryday.”

“That’snotaproblem,”Isaid.“Betterthanthetextbooks.”Ilookedbackatthepapershe’dgivenme,

butIcouldsenseGabrielandKotaexchanginglooks.WasIbeingstupid?“IstheonlyAsianhistoryclass
an AP class?” My voice failed with the last word, and I swallowed. Talking was taking a toll on my
throatanditfeltitchy.IwantedtocoughbutIdidn’twanttoworrythem.

“Ithinkthat’sforseniors.There’sprerequisitesbeforeyoucantakeit.”
“Howaboutworldhistory?”Gabrielasked.
“Iguessso.”
Kotakneltnexttome.HisbodywasclosetomineashelookedovermyshoulderandIcouldfeelhis

warmthandcaughthisspicescent.Heseemedsofocusedthatitdidn’tappeartobotherhim.“There’snot
toomanyclassvarieties,unfortunately.You’dbeabletotaketheAPgeometrywithoutgettingtoobogged
down.”

Ismirked.“IwanttotaketheAPgeometry?”
“It’sthesamenumbers,theyjustgoatslightslightlylearningdifferentspeeds.Besides,you’llshare

theclasswithNathanorsomeoneelsemostlikely.Icanhelpifyouneed.”

“Whatclassesareyoutaking?”
Hesmiled.“ParticlephysicsandtheAPcalculus,althoughIdon'treallyneedit.Arefresherisalways

nice.Theydon'thaveanythingbetter.I’llprobablytakethatAPEnglish.”

“NoadvancedparticleEnglish?”Iasked.
Gabrielrockedbackwithhishandonhischestandlaughed.“Iftherewas,he’dtakeit.”
“What’ssofunny?”Nathanasked,comingupthestairs.Hehadtwosandwichesinhishandswrapped

inpapertowelsandabottleofwaterunderhisarm.Hehandedmeoneofthesandwiches.“Ihopeyou
likechicken.”

I nodded, taking the bottle of water from him, too. He dropped himself into the window seat and

openedagrilledchickensandwichonaseededbun.

“We’re figuring out what classes Sang wants to take,” Kota said. “We’ve got three down. We need

threemore.”

“There’sthegymglasswehavetodo,”Nathansaid.Hecameacrosstheroom,reachingfortheopen

bottle of water in my hand. He took a chug of water, swallowing and handing it back to me before he
continued.“Mightaswelltakeitnow.”

“Ithinktheyseparatetheboysandgirlsforthat,”Gabrielsaid.
“Yeah,intogroupsbutwe’reallmixedtogetherinthatonegymatthesametime.Liketheboysgetone

halfandthegirlsgettheother.”Nathantookabiteofsandwich,chewingandthentalkedwithfoodinhis
mouth.“Imean,ifanyoneofushasthesameclass,we’reacrosstheroom.”

“DoIneedtobeineveryone’ssameclass?”Iasked.Thefreshwatergavemealittlevoiceback,just

enoughtodoanotchaboveastagewhisper.Ipickedapieceofthebreadoffofmysandwichandeating
it.

“There’sjustastronglikelihoodalotofuswillbepairedup,”Kotasaid.“There’salimitedvariety

ofclassesandthenumberofustakingthesamecourses.”

Ishrugged.Sotheirgoalwithschoolwasgettingtoasmanyofthesameclassesaspossible.Ifthat

was the case, why was Kota taking separate classes? I supposed studying together would be nice.
However, there was more to this. Gabriel and Nathan acted as if this was normal. This was how they
functionedtogether.Kotatooktheleadandeveryoneworkedonit.Didotherstudentstrytotakeallthe

sameclassessotheywouldmostlikelygetpaireduptogether?

IwasgoingtotakeanotherbiteofmysandwichwhenGabrielreachedoverandtookmywrist.He

lookedrightatme,neverwaveringhisgazeandthenbroughtthesandwichtohisface,withmeholdingit
still,andtookasmallbite.

“Getyourownsandwich,”Nathansaid,tossingacrumpleduppapertowelathim.
Gabrieldodgedthepaper.“Ijustwantedataste.”
IgiggledbutIcaughtthelookinGabriel’seye.Iwonderedifthiswasflirting.WasIsupposedtosay

something?

Kotahadapieceofpaperinhishand,writingdownnotes.Heslowlyslidtheglassesonhisnoseup

byhisforefinger.“That’sfourclasses,”Kotasaid.“Twomore.”

“Science,”Gabrielsaid.“Chemistry.”
“I haven’t taken biology yet,” I said. “Last year at my old school, the class was filled. I’d need the

biologysinceit’saprerequisite.”

“Shecantakethetypingclass,”Nathansaid.
“Youmakeitsoundlikeshe’sgoingtobeasecretary,”Gabrielsaid.“Maybesheshouldtakeaclass

inshorthand,too.”

“That’snotwhatImeant,”Nathansaid.“Don’tputwordsinmymouth.Iwasjustsayingit’saneasy

class. Besides, there’s no homework and it’ll be an easy grade to boost her GPA early. Especially if
you’regoingtostickherintoacoupleofAPclassesrightoff.”

“Three,”Isaid.“There’sanAPbiology.”Allofthemlookedatme.Mycheeksheatedupagain.DidI

saysomethingsilly?“Scienceisscience.It’snotlikethefrog’sgutchartchangesdependingontheclass
youtake.”

Theyalllaughed.
Thesoundofacarpullingupdistractedus.
“ItmustbeVictorwiththephone,”Kotasaid.
Victor was up the stairs in a few minutes. He held a bag in his hands. His cheeks looked a little

flushed,likehehadbeeninahurry.Heploppeddownontothefloornexttomewiththepackage.“Ididn’t
seeapinkone,”hesaid.“Buttherewasapinkcase.It’llprotectthephone.”

Ismiledshyly,unsurewhattosay.Thinkingofaphonewasonething,butlookingatthenewbaginhis

hands,Ifeltmyfingerstrembling.“Thankyou,”Isaidsoftly,unsurehowtoargueabouthavingitnowif
he’salreadywentthroughthetroubletogetit.

Hetookitoutofthebagandthenpulledtheboxapart.ItwasthelatestiPhone,identicaltotheonehe

had.

“IthoughtIsaidjustsimplecallingandtexting,”Kotasaid.“Whathappenedtoinconspicuous?”
“Itdoestext,”Victorsaid,hisfacetightening.“Italsotakespicturesanddownloadsapps.Sueme.”

Hehandedmethephone.

Thetouchscreenwassupercleanandtheappdashboardwasbare,exceptforAngryBirds.
“Ifilledinafewessentialsonthere,”Victorsaid.“Ialsoputeveryone’sphonenumberinthere.’
Ittookmeamomenttofigureoutwhichbuttonheldthephonenumbers.Ithumbedthroughthecontacts

page.“IncludingNorthandLuke?”

“Youwouldhavegottenthoseeventually,anyway,”Kotasaid.
“Who’sBlackbourne?”
Victor’seyeswentwide.Icaughtoutofthecornerofmyeyetheotherboyslookingdirectlyathim

andlookingpanicked.“Oh,sorry.Here,letmeseethat.”

Hetookthephonefrommeandpushedbuttonsuntilitwasdeleted.
“Sorry,”hesaid.“Justanoldteacher.Idon’tknowhowItransferredthatone.”
Heseemedtoplayitoff,butIcaughtthelookNathanandtheothersexchanged.Itwasveryslightbut

itwasobviousthiswasmoreinformationIwasn’treallysupposedtosee.

Whatwasgoingonwiththeseguys?

When I left Kota’s house that afternoon, I walked around the street and then took a path through the

woods to find myself in the back yard. It was a long route but I really didn’t want anyone to see me
leavingfromKota’shouse.

Before I left, Kota had me send a text to everyone so they could add me to their phones, including

NorthandLuke.SilasandLukedidn’treply.Northwastheonlyonewhosentamessageback.

North:“Ok.”

Ihadthephonetuckedintothecupofmybra.Itwasthebestwaytohideitfornow.IfIjusttriedto

keepitinmypocket,Iwasafraiditwouldslipormymomwouldnoticethebulge.

Ihadtopullmyhairback,too.GabrielwasdisappointedbutItoldhimifIcamehomewithitdown,

it’d draw unneeded attention. Unusual for me would be attention and at that point, my mother would
alreadybeangryoverMariewiththeboyfromuptheroad.Asitwas,I’dhavetoconvinceherIwasonly
walkinginthewoodstodayifsheasked.

WhenIgotintothehouse,Imadeadashupthestairwell.Therearstairwellwasalifesavertomy

manyattemptstoleavethehouse.Itcameoutbythelaundryroomwhichhadthesidedoortothegarage.
Upstairs,IknockedonMarie’sdoortocheckonher.

Marie answered, her long brown hair hanging behind her shoulders. Her nose and chin were sharp,

herbrowneyessmallerthanmine.Shewastaller,too,byatleastafoot.Herhipswerewider.Forsisters,
wedidn’tlookalotalike.“What?”shewhined.

“Whathappenedearlier?”Icroaked.Mariedidn’tlookupsetandshecouldtalksoitmustnothave

beentoobadthistime.

“Momwaslookingforyou,”shesaid,steppingoutoftheway.Herroomhadvariouspilesofclothes

onthefloorandnotebooksacrossherbed.

“Iknow,”Isaid,eventhoughIdidn’t.“I’mgoingtotakemyshoesoffandthenI’llgogetyelledat.”
Ididn’thavetoexplainit.SheknewexactlywhatImeant.Seeingourmotherusuallyinvolvedyelling

andoftenapunishment.Itwaspainfultokneelonthefloorforhourswithshoeson.

I crossed the hallway and used a push pin tucked into the wall to unlock my door and get in to my

room.MarieknewhowtounlockmydoorandknewwhereIhidthepushpin.Forme,itwasjustasmall
deterrent.ItallowedmetimetohearsomeonecomingifIwasinside.Noonewouldbotherknockingand
Icouldn’tenforcethemtostayout.

WhenIwasinside,Irelockedthedoorbeforepullingthecellphoneoutofmybra.Iwastemptedto

play with it but instead I went for the attic space door. I reached in and found an opening between the
woodofthewallandtheinsulation.Ituckedthephonebetweenthem.Ihadthecordinmyfrontpocket
andIputthatintheatticwithit.Onafinalthought,Iturnedupthestereomusicalittletodetractfromany
noisethephonecouldmake.IhadbeencarefultoturnthatoffwhenIgotitbutIstillworrieditwould
vibrateorbeeporsomething.

“Sang!” I heard my mother calling. She must have heard when I turned up the volume on the radio.

“Comedownhere!”

Isighed,wishingIwasstillbackatKota’s.

Downstairs,Ienteredmymother’sbedroom.Herinnersanctum.Herwiryhairlookedstrewnout.She

satwithherbackagainsttheheadboard.Shefrownedatme.“Wherehaveyoubeen?”

“Intheshed.”

“Allday?”
Inodded.“IwaslookingtoseeifIhadanymoreclothesforschoolintheboxeswehaven'tunpacked

yet,” I strained to be heard from across the room so I wouldn’t have to come closer. I knew what was
comingandwasready.

“You shouldn’t do that,” she said. “I will go through it when I'm ready to. I don't want you going

throughit.”

“Oh,” I said, pretending to not understand. A little trouble would stop her from prodding further, I

hoped.“Sorry,”Iadded.

“Some...man,”shespatouttheword,“cameheretodaytoplaybasketballwithMarie.”
Derrick,Ithought.ForsomereasonIthoughthewasmyageanddidn’tappeartobesomeonetobe

worriedabout.Itriedtolookconfused.“Whowasit?”

“Idon’trememberhisname.Hesaidhewenttoyourschool.”
Inodded,pretendingtothink.“Well,there’sboundtobeakidortwoaroundtheblock.”
“Howwouldyouknow?”sheasked,diggingatmystory.“Howdidheknowtherewerekidshere?I

don’tthinkyoushouldbewalkingaroundintheyardanymore.Theymightcomeoveragain.”

“ButIhaven’trunintoanyone.”
Shemumbledsomethingtoherself,lickingathercrackedlips.“Idon’twantyouhangingaroundwith

men.”

“Ihaven’tmetanyone,”Irepeated.
Shepressedherlipstogethertightly.Shehadnoproofotherwise,Iknew.Dependingonhermood,it

could be bad or good. “Is your room clean?” she asked. A sharp odor hit my nose from the room, like
rubbingalcohol.

“Almost,” I said. It was like playing a game. If I gave the right answer, I got the answer I wanted.

Rightnow,ifshestuckmeinmyroomitdidn’tmatter.ItwaswhereIwantedtoberightnow.

“Wellgotoyourroom.Don’tcomeoutuntilit’sspotless.”
“Okay,”IsaidandItriedtogotothedoor.
“Imeanit,”shesaid,hervoicecommandingthatIstayandhearheroutonherinstructions.“Iwantthe

trashputintoatrashbag.”

“Okay.”
“Andtheclothesoffthefloorandhungup.”
“Right.”
“AndIwanttohearthevacuumrunning.”
“I’llgetonitnow,”Isaid,edgingtowardthedoor.Icoughed.Shedidn’tsayanythingaboutmythroat

oraskaboutit.Iwonderedifsheevenrememberedwhatshe’ddone.

ItwasstillanothertenminutesbeforeIgotoutofherroomasshelecturedmeonhowtoclean.Iwas

elated.Ihadallnighttomyselfwithagoodexcuse.I’dbeengroundedtomyroomuntilitwasclean.I
couldbefairlyundisturbedforawhile.ItwasthepunishmentIcoulddealwithhappily.

Irushedupthestairsandthenlockedmydoorbehindme.Myroomdidn’thavetrashorclothesonthe

ground. The floor was bare. I smiled to myself and shook my head. If she came up to check, there was
nothingforhertosayaboutit.Therewashardlyathinginmyroomtomessitupwith.

Iwenttotheatticdoorandpulledoutthecellphone.
Ifsomeonewantedtounlockthedoorandlookin,I’dhaveaboutasplitsecondtolistentotherattle

ofthehandlebeforeitopened.Icuddledupovernearthewindow.Isatonthetrunk,lookingouttocheck
Kota’shouse.Victor’scarwasstilltherebuthe’dsaidhewasgoingtostickaroundfordinner.Victorand
KotaandGabrielhadamovietheywantedtowatch.Nathanhadgonehome.Heclaimedhehadafew
chorestodoaroundthehouse.

Igrabbedabookfromtheshelfandsprawledoutonthefloornexttomytrunk.Ifsomeonerattledthe

door,IcoulddropitbehindthetrunkandquicklypickupthebooktolooklikeIhadbeenreading.

I checked the messages but no one had sent me anything. I hovered my fingers over the displayed

keyboard,wonderingwhatIcoulddo.AndwhowouldItext?Ididn’tknowwhattosaytoanyone.

Topassthetimeandtokeepmyselfbusy,IfocusedontheAngryBirdsapp.

IgottiredofAngryBirdsquickly.Ispentalotoftimeonthefloorjustlookingupattheceilingand

listeningtothemusicfrommystereo.Thesunstartedtogodown.IcheckedoutsideandVictor’scarwas
gonefromKota’sdrivewaysohewasalreadyhomeoronhisway.

Ihadthephoneonmystomachwhenitstartedtovibrate.ItspookedmeandIshivered.Thephoneslid

downtothefloorandfloppedover.Isatupquickly,almosttoofastasitmademedizzy,andIturnedon
thescreen.

Silas:“Good.”

IcheckedthemessageIhadsentearlieraboutgettingthisnewphone.IponderedwhatIwouldsend

himnextandquicklytypedin:

Sang:“Howwaspractice?”
Silas:“Long.I’mtired.”

ShouldIstoptexting?Iwondered.Heprobablywantedtorestanddidn’twantmebugginghim.
Thephonerattledinmyhands.

Silas:“Whatareyoudoing?”

Ilookednervouslyaroundtheroom.WhatamIdoing?I’mobsessivelyhangingontothisphoneand

attemptingtosoundcooltoyousoyou’lllikeme.

BeforeIcouldanswer,thephonevibratedagain.Silaswascalling.
My heart dropped in my chest. I wasn’t sure if I could get away with answering it. I wouldn’t hear

Marieoranyonecoming.AndIcouldn’ttalk!WhatcouldIdo?

Inmypanic,Ihitthebutton.Icouldn’tjustnotanswer.
“Hello?”Isaidsoftlyintothereceiver.
“I’mnotgoodattexting,”Silas’sdeepvoicefloatedtomyear.Justhearinghisdeeptonesmademy

insidesflip.“I’vegotrhinofingers.”

Ichuckled.“Youweredoingokay,”Iwhispered,myeyesdartingaroundmyroom.CouldIslipinto

theatticspace?Mycloset?

“Thisiseasier,”hesaid.“Sowhatareyoudoing?”
Icarefullyheldthephonetomyearwithmyshoulderandthenunlockedthewindow.“Notalot.Iwas

reading.”

“Didyoureadallday?”
I held the phone to my chest and heaved a foot out onto the rooftop. The wind was blowing softly

outside but it was the safest place to be nearby and not get caught. I brought the phone back to my ear,
usingmyshoulderagaintoholdtoitasIeasedmyselfout.“IwentswimmingwithNathan,too.AndImet
Gabriel.”

“Didhemesswithyourhair?”
Ilaughed.“How’dyouknow?”Iputmybuttdownontherooftop,scootingmyselfuntilIwassitting

nexttothewindowratherthaninfrontofit.Ifsomeonetriedtogetintomyroom,Imightnothearthem

fromoutsidebutifItuckedmyselfoutoftheway,thepersonwouldn’tseemeoutthere.Itwouldjustlook
likemywindowwasopen.Hopefullynoonewouldbeinterestedinlookingoutside.

“I think he’s done everyone’s since I’ve known him,” he said. “I haven’t paid for a haircut since I

camehere.”

“Youmovedherewhenyouwerelittle,right?”
Thephonevibratedinmyhandandtherewasabeep.Iremoveditawayfrommyhead.Itsaidthere

wasamessagecomingin.IfeltmyheartbeatingwildlywiththedesiretocheckitoutbutIdidn’tknow
thebuttonstopushtolookatitwithouthanginguponSilas.

Asitwas,sinceIwasdistractedImissedhalfofhisanswer.Iputthephonetomyheadagainjustas

hewassaying,“--it’sdifferenthere,butIguessI’llmanage.”

“I’llhavetofindawaytomanage,too,Iguess.”
Helaughed.“Notsobadrightnow,isit?”
Another vibration, another beep. This time I caught the name. It was from Kota. I still didn’t know

whattodosoIignoreditagain.

“Ithinkit’sprettynicehere.ImeanImetyouandtheothers.Youguysarecool,”Icroaked.Lame!I

putmyhandtomycheek,feelingitwarming.Ididn’tknowhowtotalktopeople.

Hewasquietforamoment.“Doyouthinkwecanhangouttomorrow?”
Anothervibrate,anotherbeep.Kota.
“Isupposeso.Idon’tknowhowto...um,”Iwasn’tsurethewordstosayandKota’smessageswere

distractingmesobadly,Icouldn’tthink.

“I’vegotacar.IprobablyneedtomeetyouatKota’s,right?”
“Yeah,probably,”IsqueakedasIwhispered.
Pause.DidhehearwhatIsaid?“Isyourvoiceokay?”
Iswallowed,tryingmybest.“I’mfine.”
“I’llhavetodostuffthatmorningbutIcanswingbylaterintheafternoon.”
“Perfect.”WasthishimaskingforjustusorwashecomingovertohangoutwithmeandKota?He

wasaskingmepersonally,right?Ididn’tknowhowtotakethequestion.

Thephonevibratedandstartedbeeping,Kotawascalling.
“What’sthatnoise?”
“Kota’scalling,”Isaid.“Idon’treallyknowhowtoswitchovertheline...”
“It’sokay,”Silassaid.“Goaheadandanswerhim.I’lltalktoyoulater.”
Iwasn’tsurebuthesoundeddisappointedinhavingtogososoon.“Okay,bye.”
“Bye.”
IpushedthebiggreenbuttononthephonetoanswerKota’scall.
“Hel--?”
“Getofftheroof,Sang!”
Histonewasstressed.Washemadatme?“Kota,I...”
“Hidethephoneinyourpocketandgooutsidebehindyourshed.Gonow.”Hehungup.
IfeltmylegsshakingunderneathmewhenItriedtostandup.Kotawasscaringthebejeezusoutofme.
Iscrambledthroughthewindow.ItriedtoshutitbutitgotstuckhalfwaydownandIleftit.Itucked

thephonebackintothecupofmybra.Istoppedtodoublecheckthateverythinglookednormalandthen
wentforthedoor.

The house was quiet. I slipped down the hallway, trying not to make a sound as I tiptoed down the

backstairwellandoutintothegarage.

Ijoggedoutintotheopendriveway,downtotheendofittotheshed.Icircledaround,thegrasswas

warmundermybarefeet.Thebackoftheshedhadaconcretepatioandanoverhang.Itwaskindoflikea
thirdporch.Ithinkitwasmeantforaplacetostickabarbecuepitormaybeevenfitacarbecausethere

lookedlikeanoilslickononeside.Itwouldn’tallowmuchprotectionifMarieleftthehousetocome
look for me, but it did block me from view from the windows and I was out of voice distance in case
someonecouldactuallyhearmefrommybedroom.

Thephonestartedtoshakeinmyhands.KotawascallingandItappedthegreenbutton.
“Whatwereyoudoingontheroof?”hedemanded,hisvoiceintense.
“Iwasn’tsureifIshouldanswerthephoneinthehouse.”
He breathed out into the phone, causing it crackle with noise. “I thought you were going to fall off.

You’vegottenintoenoughtroublethisweekwithoutneedingtogotothehospital.”

“It’sokay,”Isaid.“Thatareaovertheporchoftheroofoftheporchisprettyflat.Besides,thedrop

isn’tthatfar.”

“Itcouldbreakyourneck,”hesaid.
“I’vebeentrainedonhowtofall,”Iinsisted.
Hepaused.“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Backinelementaryschool,ingymclass.Theytaughtustofallfromatalldistance.”
“How?”
“Dependsonthedistance,”Isaid.“Ifit’sprettyfar,there’sthisthingwhereyoutuckandrolltokeep

goingonthatmomentumsoyoudon’tbreakyourhandsandknees.”

Helaughed,thepowerinhisvoiceslippedaway,becomingfriendly.“Andtheywereteachingyouthis

inelementaryschool?”

“I think they might not do it anymore. After a week of training, some of us were out on the school

junglegymtakingturnspracticingfalling.Wegotcaughtprettyquicklyandwegotreprimandedaboutit.I
mayormaynothavebeeninvolved.”

Helaughedagain.“Youareatroublemaker.Butthat’snoexcuse.Don’tclimboutontheroof.”
“Whatifthere’safire?”
“Unlessthere’safire.”
“Whatifthere’sarobberwithagun?”
“Sang.”
“Orazombie?”Igiggled.
“Youdon’trunfromzombies.Youshoottheminthehead.”
“Idon’thaveagun.”
“I’mnotbuyingyouagun.”
I laughed this time and he did too. “Oh, Silas called and said he might come over tomorrow

afternoon.”IhopedhemeanttohangoutwithKotaandtheothers.Goingsolowastoonerve-wrackingto
thinkabout.

“That’sgood.IheardNorthandLukewerecoming,too.Theyhadsomethingtheywantedtotellus.”
TherewasabeepfromthephoneandIcheckedit.ItwasfromLuke.
“Luke’ssendingmeamessagerightnow.”
“Wellyoushouldgoanswerhim,”Kotasaid.“Juststayoffyourroof,okay?I’lltelleveryonetotext

youtocallthemandyouwoulddoitassoonasyoucan.Nosurprisecalls.”

Iagreedandhungup.Still,theconversationbuggedme.Hehadbeenwatchingmefromhiswindow?

Nowhewastellingeveryonethebestwaytocommunicatewithme.Leaderofthegroup.Whatkindof
groupwasthis?

L

UKE

W

hen I got back to my bedroom without anyone noticing, I was relieved. I huddled back near the

windowandcheckedthemessagefromLuke.

Luke:“Hi.”

I laughed a little, giddy. I had boys texting me. It was like something out of a movie I’d seen. How

stupidwasItogetexcitedoveratext?

Sang:“Hello.”

Itriedtosuppressmyexcitement.Ireallywantedtogoforawalktoreleasesomeofthisenergybut

nowthatIwasbackinthehouseagain,Ididn’twanttogothroughtheefforttosneakout.Thisphonewas
muchmorefunthanI’danticipated.Ihadfriendscallingme!ItwaseasiertopretendIwasnormalthis
way.

Thephonebuzzedinmyhand.

Luke:“I’mLucianbuteveryonecallsmeLuke.You’reSang,right?Wheredidyoumovefrom?”
Sang:“I’mfromupnorth.Thesouthisdifferent.”
Luke:“It’swarmer,butit’sprobablythesame.”
Sang:“There’salsopalmtrees.”
Luke:“LOL”
Sang:“Areyoucomingovertomorrow?Kotamentionedit.”
Luke:“Yeah.Inthemorning,Ithink.”
Sang:“What’sthebigannouncement?”
Luke:“Promisenottotell?”

WouldItell?Promise?Wouldhetrustme?Hehadn’tevenmetmeyet.

Sang:“Ipromise.”
Luke:“Pinkieswear?”
Sang:“HowcanIpinkieswearifI’mnottheretoshakeyourpinkie?”

It was two minutes before I got another message. This time it was a picture message. There was a

malehandintheshot,thepinkieliftedup,partiallycurled.

Ithoughtitwasfunny.Ittookmeaminutetofigureouthowthecameraworkedandtotakeaphotobut

Ireturnedoneofmypinkieinthesameposition.

Luke:“Yourhandsaresmall.”
Sang:“Howcanyoutell?”
Luke:“There’sabookintheshot.It’sthatGrimm’sFairyTales?”

Ihadn’tevenlookedatwhatIputnearby.ItwasaGrimmbook.

Sang:“Yes.”
Luke:“Whichone’syourfavorite?”

Mymindhadgoneblank.IflippedthroughthepagestolookforatitlethatIrecognized.

Sang:“IlikeThePrincessinDisguise.Sowhat’syourbignews?”
Luke:“We’rebuyingthechurchonyourblock.”
Sang:“What?Why?”

BeforeIgotatextback,Iheardarattlingatmydoor.Idroppedthephonebehindthetrunkagainstthe

wallandpickedupthebook.IhearditclunkandIstressed,worriedImighthavebrokenit.Whatwould
VictorthinkifIbrokethebrandnewphoneheboughtforme?

Thedoorswungwideopen.MyoldersisterMariepokedherheadin.Herdarkeyesnarrowedinon

me.

“Momwantsyoutocomedownfordin-nur,”shecooed.
“Ugh,”Isaid.“Whatisit?”
“Beefstew.”
We’d had canned beef stew three times that week. Most of the time my mother didn't care if we

showedupbutwhenshewasinaparticularlyannoyedmood,shetriedgivingusordersonwhentoeat,
whentosleepandsoon.“Idon’treallywantany,”myvoicecrackingasIspoke.

“She’lljustyellforyouinaminute,anyway.”
Igrumbled.Shewasright.“Hangon,letmeclosethiswindow.”Itwasstillopen,andIwasgrateful.

Itgavemeanexcusetostaythereforafewminutes.Mariedisappeared,notbotheringtoshutthedoor.I
heardherthuddownthestairs.

IdidclosethewindowbutIcheckedthephonequicklybeforetuckingitawayintheattic.

Luke:“We’reopeningadiner.”

Thatnight,IwasstillawakeatmidnightwhenIgotthelasttextfromVictor.

Victor:“I’llletyougotosleep.”

Iwasgratefulforit.Mythumbstingled.Lukehadtoldmeabouthisunclewhowantedtoopenupa

restaurant,sotheyweregoingtodoadinerandusethechurchbuilding.Hesoundedexcitedaboutitbut
soonhadtogotoeatdinner,too.GabrielwantedtotalkaboutwhatIwasgoingtoweartoregistration
and was telling me about the school building being a drab box with windows. Victor asked when my
birthdaywas.

Sang:“October.”
Victor:“Mine’sinJanuary.”

Thenextmorning,Iwasoutthedoorthemomentmydadtookofftogotowork.Icouldn’tsleepatall

thatnight,butIwasgratefulsincethereweren’tanynightmares.Istoledowntothegarage,takingtheplug
forthephone.IchargeditfromtheinsideoftheshedwhereIwasshieldedfromview.Ittookonlyfifteen
minutes.Whenitwasfilled,Ihidtheplugandpocketedthephone,headingforthewoodsagain.

IshouldhavebeentiredsinceIhadn’tsleptbuttheairwassofreshandIfeltreallygood.Iwasonly

wearingsomesandalsthistime,withashortgreencottonskirtandathinyellowhoodiewiththreequarter
sleevesandafrontpocket.Ihadmyhairbrushedout,pullingupmyhairinaneatertwistwithmyclipbut
lefttwolocksoneithersideofmyfacetuckedbehindmyears.Ithoughtitframedmyfacebetter.Igiggled
at myself that morning in the bathroom for being concerned with my looks now. I always thought other
girlsatschoolweresillytospendsomuchtimefixingtheirhairandmakeupforschoolclasses.Aweek
ago,Iwouldn’thavecaredhowIlooked.

ItestedmyvoiceasIwalked.SinceIwasabletorestit,IcouldspeaksoftlybutitstartedtocrackifI

talked at a normal level. I was hopeful by the time Silas came around it would be even better. I didn’t
wanthimwonderingwhathappened.

IhadthephonetuckedintomypocketasIwalked.IfiddledwithitinmyhandsasItooktheshortcut

throughthewoods.WhenLuketalkedabouthisplanstoturnthechurchintoadiner,Iwantedtocheckit
outbeforeitallchanged.

If it wasn’t for the large cross over the door, the building might have looked like any old of utility

building. The windows were maybe a couple of feet long and narrow along the side. The large white
doublefrontdoorswereplain,cleancut.Themetalsidingwasablandbeige.Still,thebuildinglooked
clean.Therewasalargebluekidjunglegymandaswingsetnearby.Thegrassarounditwasalittlehigh.
Iclimbedontothelandingofthegymset,sittingonitandswingingmyfeetoffoftheedgeasItriedto
picturetheplaceasadiner.Theparkinglotwasgravelbutstillveryusable.Thesmallattemptataborder
gardenaroundthefronthadafewsticktreesanddeadbushes.Itwouldtakealotofworktomakeitlook
attractive.

Ifeltthephoneinmypocketvibratingandittickled.Whowasupthisearly?

Luke:“What’syourfavoritebreakfast?”

Ismiledtomyself,thinkingabouttheanswer.Itwassillybutitwasn’tembarrassing.WouldhethinkI

waschildish?

Sang:“Chocolatechippancakes.”

“Withsyrup?”avoiceaskedbehindme.
Startled,Itwistedmyself,nearingfallingofftheledgeandIreachedouttothepolesupporttohold

myselfup.Onthegroundbehindmewasaguywithblondhairsolongitalmosttouchedhisshoulders.
Mostofitwaspulledbackintoalooseponytailbehindhishead.Severallockshungaroundhisearsand
in his face. He was wearing dark blue Levi jeans, black flip flops and a white button up shirt with the
collarlookingrumpled.ThetopthreebuttonswereundonesoIcouldseehalfwaydownhischestinthe
opening. The bottom button was undone as well. I wondered why he bothered with the shirt at all. His
skinwasonlyasmidgendarkerthanmyownpaleskin.Hiseyeswerebrown,strikingagainsthislight
hairandfeatures.Hehadhighcheekbonesandhehadastrongchin.WithalltheguysIhadmetsofar,ifI
hadtopickoutwhichonewouldbethemostpopularwithgirls,hewouldhavebeatenthemallbymiles.I
couldeasilyimaginehimbeingamodel.

IknewmymouthwashangingopenandIquicklyclosedit,tryingtoprocesshisquestion.DidIhear

himright?Iswallowedtomakesuremyvoicewouldwork.“Luke?”

Heputhishandtohiswaistandmadethesmallestofbows,awidesmileonhisface.“Intheflesh.”

Hestoodupandreachedforarungonthemonkeybars,pickinguphisfeettohangfromit.Icouldseehis
bellybuttonwhenhediditandthedefinedmusclesofhisabdomen.Hewasn’tascutasNathanbuthe
wasclearlystrong.“Whatdoyouthink?Canyouseeitasadiner?”heasked.

Ilookedtowardthechurch,tiltingmyhead.“Ithinkitdependsonwhattheinsidelookslike.”
“Notjudgingthebookbythecover,huh?”hesmiledandthencrossedthemonkeybars,swinginghis

bodyashedid,untilhecouldputhisfeetontheplatformIwassittingon.“Wehavetogetridofthegym
setthough,”hesaid.“Insurancewouldkillusifwekeptit.”

“That’sashame,”Isaid.“Wouldhavebeenagoodwaytobringinparentswithkids.”
“Iknow,”hesaid.“It’sgoingonfallnowbutIthoughtaboutsettingupapatioupfront.Improvingthe

sizeofthegardenalittlemaybe?”

The yard of the church was at least an acre. It sat right on the corner where the highway met the

neighborhoodroad.Theneighborhoodhomesweretuckedbehindarowofevergreentreessotherewas
someseparationandtheneighborsprobablywouldn’tnoticeorhearthetraffictothediner.Thewould-be
dinerhadeasyaccesstoafairlybusyroadandnocompetitionwithinmiles.“Whatmadeyouguyswantto
startadiner?”

“It’s what my uncle wants to do,” he said. He leaned back against a pole, looking at me with those

dark eyes. They were playful, like he wanted to laugh, and he was just waiting for the joke. “He was
workingwithapartnerandthepartneriskickinghimout.Sohe’sstartinghisownplace.”

“That’stoobad,”Isaid.Helookedconfused.“Imeanit’stoobadthathispartnerwantedtosplitup.

Weretheyfriends?”

“I think when they started,” he said. He moved away from the post and leaned toward me. “So you

wanttoseeit?”

Itiltedmyheadathim,aneyebrowgoingup.
“Theinside?”
Ismiled.Exploring?Ofcourse.“Yes.”
Hejumpeddownfromtheplatform.Thescentofsomethingsweetcamefromhimashepassedme.He

movedaroundinfrontofmeandhelduphisarmsuntilhishandswereontheoutsideofmythighs.From
theangleIwassitting,Icouldseethemuscletoneinhisarmflexing.Hiseyesfocuseddirectlyintomine.

“Let’sgo.”
Itwasasifitwereasnaturalasbreathing,whichsurprisedmelaterwhenIthoughtaboutit.Ireached

outandhemovedhisshoulderssoIcouldbalancemyselfandIhoppeddown.Hehadmebythehipsand
loweredmegentlytotheground.HeheldontomewhenIstartedtostepbackasifhewasworriedIhad
stumbled.

ThemomentIwasstable,heletgoofmeandturnedtowalktowardthechurch,pullingkeysinhis

pocket.Itwaslikeheneverthoughtofthemomentbetweenusthatfeltsointimatetome.Myfamilynever
huggedeachother.IbarelyrememberedthelasttimeIeventouchedhandswithoneofthem.Hehelped
medownfromthegymasifitwerejustthethingtodo.Wasitnormal?Somanyoftheboyshadtouched
methisweekthatIwasfeelingacrazysenseoflonelinesswhentheyletgo.

I followed on his heels toward the front door. My eyes going up to the cross. It felt like it should

almostbesacredbutwoulditfeeldifferentlyonceitwasconverted?

Lukefitthekeyintothedoorlockandthenhelditopenforme.Isteppedinside,smellingtheheavy

dustandstaleair.Thehallwayinfrontofuswasinshadow.

Heclosedthedoorandmovedforward.Atacertainpointinthehallway,itstartedgettingsuperdark.

IwastryingtoreachoutwithonehandforawalltohelpguidemebutsomethingtouchedmyhandandI
jumped.

“Here,”Lukesaidandhereachedformyhandagain.“Staybehindme.I’msorry,Idon’tknowwhere

thelightswitchis.Itdidn’tseemthatdarkdownherewhenwestarted.”

I sucked in a breath and held his hand, following behind him. His hand was warm, his fingers

interlocking with mine. My heart fluttered. He was just helping, I told myself. Normal people do this
whennecessary.Ineededtogetusedtoit.

Neartheendofthehallway,awindowprovidedalittlemorelight.Therewasawide,doubledoorto

ourright.Heletgoofmyhandtoopenit.

Theinsidewaspitchblack.
“Holdthedooropen,”Lukesaid.“I’llfindtheswitch.”
IstoodbythedoorandLukedisappearedintothedarkness.Minutespassed.Iwasworriedhemight

fallorsomethingmighthappentohim.HowcouldIfindhiminthedark?

Electricitycrackledabovemyheadandthelightsflickeredon.Thereweretwosetsofchandeliers,a

coupleofthebulbsweremissingbutitmostlyworked.Theroomwasthechapel.Thepewsweregone
andtherewereacoupleoffadedgreenhymnalsstackedalongthewalls.Therewasaplatformonthefar
end,apodiuminfrontwithacrossonit.Thecarpetwasadullbrown,thewallsayellowedoff-white.

Luke was standing on the platform near the back wall. He walked toward the front of it, looking

aroundtheroomandhishandsslidintohispockets.“Well?Whatdoyouthink?”

Isweptmyeyesacrosstheroom,tryingtoimaginewhatitwouldlooklikeasadiner.“There’salot

ofspacefortables,”Ioffered.Still,itwasavast,emptyspace.Youcouldhaveuseditforanything.

“Andthisstagecouldbeusedforbandsonsomenights.”Lukestompedonthewoodoftheplatform.

“Itfeelssolid.”

Itiptoedthroughtheroom.Therewasaslightchillintheair.Atleasttheairconditioningunitworked.

Icrossedmyarmsovermychestandrubbedatgoosebumps.Therewereexposedbeams.Icouldimagine
thelightsallworking,acozysettingwithboothsforcustomers.Iwonderedwherethekitchenwas.

Luke’smaterializedbehindme,standingclosewithhischestwarmingmyback.Ifroze.Ifelthislips

nearmyear.“Doyouseeit?”hewhispered.

Iswallowed,nervous.Iwasn’tsureifIcouldturnaroundandlookathim.Inodded.“Itjustneedsthe

righttables.”

“Andthedoorovertherecouldbetheofficialentrance,”hesaid,movingtomysidetostandnextto

meandpointing.“Andtheothertheentrywaytothekitchen.We’llhavetogetridofthepodium.”

“Youshouldkeepit,”Isaid.“Youcouldpaintitandattachittosomethingsoyoucouldrollitinwhen

youwantto.Youcouldrenttheplaceoutformeetings.”

Hiseyespoppedopenwide.“Ihadn’teventhoughtaboutthat.”
“AndIlikethegardenandoutsidediningidea,”Isaid.
“Therecouldbeabaroverthere,”hemotionedwithhishand.“Abigone.”
“Andacaseforpiesandbakedthingsyou’dsellontheside,”Iadded.
“Andajukebox.”
“Withvasesofflowersonthetables.”
Hisbreathcaughtandhisshimmeringeyessoughtoutmine.“What’syourfavoriteflower?”
Ismiled.“Ilikeroses.ChryslerImperial.”
Hegrinned,showinghisperfectwhiteteeth.“We’llhavearosegardenoutfront.We’llbeabletoput

rosesoutonthetablesformostoftheyear.”

Ilaughed,wavingmyhandintheair.“Whataboutwhentherosesdieoffinthewinter?”
His mouth twisted and he turned partially away from me, shifting on his feet. “We’ll light candles.

Rosescentedones.”

Myheartwarmed.Hisimaginationwasintoxicating.Icouldseeeverythinghehadsuggested.Before

myeyes,thedullnessofthechurchwashedawayandallIcouldseewasacrowdeddiner.Lukewould

wear a serving apron and would hold a tray steaming with fresh food. I even entertained the idea of
runningthecounter,servingcoffeeandhelpingpeoplewiththeirpurchases.IcouldseeKotaandNathan
ascustomers,Victorplayingpianoonstage,andGabrielormaybeSilashelpinginthekitchen.

Ihadturnedtolookatthelargeemptyspaceagain.IfeltLukenexttome.Hisfingertipsbrushedatthe

topofmyhand.ItwassounexpectedthatIpulledmyhandawaybeforeIhadachancetostopmyself.

“Youseeit,don’tyou?”heasked.Therewasagleaminhiseyes,asifheneededmetobelieveinthis

asmuchashedid.WhowasItotellhimwhathecouldorcouldn’tdo?

Iwilledmyownvoicetoworksohecouldhearmyhonestreply.Inodded,agreeingwithhim.Yes.I

couldseeit.“It’sbeautiful.”

With the smile that broke over his face, you would have thought I said he’d just won the secret to

eternalhappiness.

“Let’sgofindthekitchen,”hesaid.“Ithinkit’sthroughhere.”
Ifollowedhimacrossthechapelandoutthroughtheotherdoor.Thehallwayonthisfarsidewaslit

up by a few windows. I followed behind him, my hand was on his back to make sure he knew I was
behindhim.SinceIwassoclose,Icouldbreatheinthatsweetfragrancehewore,likevanillaandsugar.

He stopped and opened the door to what was the kitchen. He tried the light switch, only when he

flickedit,nothinghappened.

“Theremustbeabreakerdown,”hesaid.“Wanttostayhere?IthinkIknowwhereitis.”
Inodded.HewentofflookingforthebreakerboxandIsteppedintothekitchen.Therewasn’tmuchI

couldsee,thewindowontheothersidewascoveredwithathickcurtain.

Icrossedtheroom,beingcarefulasIcouldn’treallyseethefloor.Thewindowwashighupabovethe

counter.IfIwasgoingtoreachit,Ihadtoclimbontop.

Iputmypalmsontheflattop,pushingmyselfup.Ittooksomeeffortbecausethecounterwaspretty

high for my size. I managed to swing a leg over and get up on my knees. I felt for the wall, using it to
steadymyselfasIstoodup.Ireachedforthecurtain,grabbingtheedgeofitandItriedpullingitaside.It
wastackedalongtheedges.Iblewoutabreath,placedbothhandsonthecurtainandyankedashardasI
could.

“Whatthehellareyoudoinginhere?”
Thevoicewasdeep,demanding,withanedgethatcausedmetojumpatthesametimeIwasripping.

Thecurtainfellawayfromthewall.

Ifellbackwardintothedark.

N

ORTH

I

teeteredontheedgeofthecounter,myarmsflailing.IonlyhadasplitsecondtomoveandIwas

readytotwistmybodysoIlandedonmyhandsandkneesratherthanmyback.

Handsgrabmebythehips,stoppingme,thenpickingmeupintotheairandputtingmedownonthe

floor.Istaggeredatthesuddennessandarmswentaroundmetoholdmesteady.

Iblinkedrapidly.Thesunwasnowcominginthroughtherevealedwindow.Itbeamedintomyeyes.

HisfacewasintheshadowbutIcouldseehehaddarkhair.Thelightlefthiminahaloglow.Hewastall,
notastallasSilasbutalmost.Hehadwideshoulders.Icouldseeagoldcircleearringinhisleftlobe.

“Areyouhurt?”heasked.Thetonewasstillsharp,bold,anddeep.
Ishookmyheadrapidly.Iwastooparalyzedbyfeartofeelifanythingdidhurt.
He started to let go of me and moved until we were both standing beside each other, the sun light

shiningoverourfaces.Hiseyesweredark,hisbrowsthick,andhisjawbroad.Hisskinwastan.Hisface
hadcoarsehairfromadayortwoofnotshaving.

WhateverIhadthoughtaboutSilasbeingthepersonIwouldn’twanttomeetinadarkalleyatnight,

thispersonwasexactlythat,onlyhecouldscaremeinbroaddaylight.

“Whoareyou?”heasked.Hisboomingvoiceradiatedthesamepowerashisintensebrowneyeson

me.

“I’m...”Myvoiceboxsqueaked.“I’mSang.”
Hisfacesoftenedbutitlookedlikehewasn’tsureifhewantedtobelievemeyet.“Howdidyougetin

here?”

“Lukeletmein.”
Hislipspursed.Washemadatme?MaybeIshouldhavegonewithLukeforthebreakerbox.
Theoverheadlightsaboveusturnedon.Theyweredimbutrevealedthelargeexpanseofblackand

white tile on the floor. Most of the tiles were cracked and there were a few missing completely. There
wasacollectionofoldmopsandbroomscoveredincobwebsinthecorner.TheyellowFormicacounter
topswentaroundtheentireroom,leavingalargespaceinthemiddle.Therewasanormal-sizedfridge
sitting open and empty, and a single stove, and a double sided sink in the middle. There was plenty of
counterspace,butIknewnoonecouldrunadinerwithjustonefridgeandoneoven.

Iturnedbacktotheguy,whowaslookingmeover.Hiseyeswentupfrommyhipstomyeyesagain.

“SorryIscaredyou.I’mNorth.”Hewaswearingblackjeansandbootswithaplainblackt-shirt.There
wasacordaroundhisneck,danglingfromitwassomethinginJapanesethatIdidn’tunderstand.

“Luke’sbrother?”Ididn’tmeantosoundlikeIhadn’theardofhim,onlyhedidn’tlookanythinglike

hisbrother.

“We’restepbrothers,”hesaid.“We’restillfamily.”
Inodded.“No,Igetit.Ijust...”IfeltlikeIwasfumbling.Hiseyesweresointensethatitmademy

kneesshake.“Hetoldmeaboutthediner.Ithinkit’llbegreat.”

“My brother has unrealistic ideas,” he said, turning around and walking toward the stove. He bent

over,openingthedoortoitandcheckedtheinside.

I stepped up behind him, looking in from behind his shoulder. The oven had a layer of ashes at the

bottom.“Itcouldbefixedup,”Isaid.

“It’lltakealotofwork.”
“Butonceitwasdone...”
Heletgooftheovendooranditclosedwithabang.Ileaptback,holdingahandtomychest.
Heturnedtolookatme.“Itmightnotwork.Mostrestaurantsfailwithinayear.”
Iwasn’tsurehowtorespond.Hisfacewassoserious.Hiseyesheldmine.Didhewantmetoagree

withhim?Tosaythattherewasnohope?

“Agoodonecanstayopenforalongtime,”Isaidsoftly,myfingerslightlytouchingthebaseofmy

neck.“Isupposeditdependsonhowgoodthefoodis.”

Heblinkedatme.“Myuncle’sthebest.”
“Thenwhatareyouworriedabout?Peoplewilltastehowgooditisandthey’llloveit.Imeanifyou

workhardandputyourheartintoit,whowouldn’tloveit?”

Hisheadtiltedbacksharplyandhesquishedhislipstogether.
“Hey!Youfoundher,”Luke’svoicedriftedinbehindme.Iturnedtoseehimcomingin,hissmilestill

onhisface.Howdifferenthewasfromhisbrotheramazedme.“Whathappenedtothecurtain?”

“Shebrokeit,”Northsaid.
“I’msorry,”Isaid.“Ididn’tmeanto.”
Northblinkedatmeagain,lookingperplexedastohowtoacceptmyapology.“It’snobigdeal,”he

saidinaquietertone.“Justbemorecarefulnexttime.”

“Ilikeitlikethat,”Lukesaid.“Iwouldn’twantanythingblockingthenaturallight.”
HavingLukebackintheroomeasedthetension.IfeltmyheartcalmingdownalittlebutIstillfeltmy

skintinglingasNorthcontinuedtoshootglancesinmydirection.

Thephoneinmypocketvibratedtolife.Ihadforgottenallaboutit.Ipulleditfrommypocketand

lookedatit.

“Whoisit?”Lukeasked.
Iwonderedhowmuchthetwoofthemknewaboutmeandmysituation.“It’sKota.He’swonderingif

Icancomeover.”

“Weshouldgotalktohim,”LukesaidtoNorth.“There’snotmuchelsetodohere.We’llhavetostart

withcleaningitup.”

“Weneedtotakeafewwallsdown,”Northsaid.“Weprobablyshouldguttheplacebeforewespend

toomuchtimesweepingthefloor.”

“Yeah,”Lukesaid,soundingexcited.Hepumpedafistintheair.“Let’sbreaksomewalls.”Hestarted

outofthekitchen.

Northrolledhiseyesandfollowed.
IpokedatthephonetoletKotaknowNorthandLukewerewithmeandwe’dbethereinasecond.

Wefoundourwayoutofthebuilding.Therewasamotorcycleparkednearthejunglegym.Itlooked

likethebikehadbeenacustomjob.Ididn’tseealogo.

“Isthatyours?”IaskedNorth.
Adarkeyebrowlifted.“Uhhuh.”
“Takeherforaride,”Lukesaid.“I’llwalk.”
“What?”Iblushed.“Youmean,you’dletme?”
Northlookeduncomfortable.Hishandliftedtothebackofhisneck,rubbing.“Ifyouwant...”
Ismiled,nodding.I’dneverbeenonamotorcyclebefore.
The corner of North’s mouth went up a little. It was so slight but it softened his scary face. Just a

twinge.Whenhedidit,hewasactuallyreallyhandsome.

Lukesmoothedalockofblondhairfromhisfaceandshoveditbehindhisear.“I’llturnthelightsout

andlockup.”Luketurnedbacktothechurch,disappearingbehindthedoor.

North headed toward his bike. I followed behind him. He stopped short and turned to me. “You’ll

havetohangontome,”hesaid.

“Isthatbad?”Iasked,notunderstanding.
Hislipstwistedandheshookhishead.“Iwasjustwarningyou.”
“Why?”
Againheseemedconfusedbymyresponse.Ifeltlikeanidiot.Ihadnoideahowtotalktopeople.He

said nothing but moved to the bike and then got on it, kicking back the stand and balancing the bike
betweenhislegs.“Comeon,”hesaid,holdinghishandout.

Heinstructedmeonhowtogetonthebike.Idroppedmyhandintohis.Comparedtomyhand,hiswas

massive,butalsowarmandinaway,Ifeltsafethatitwashimdriving.Islidintotheseatbehindhim.It
feltawkwardbecauseIwaswearingtheskirt,butthematerialbecametightagainstmybuttasIsatandit
wasn’tgoingtofanout.

“Wrapyourarmsaroundmywaist.”
I blushed but felt with my hands around his stomach. My palms pressed up to his abdomen. I could

feelhissmoothstrongbodythroughthematerialofhist-shirt.WhenIleanedintopressmystomachand
chesttohisback,Icouldsmellalight,muskscent.IttingledmynosewhenIinhaled,warmingme.My
stomachflippedandmynervesjumped.Touchingwasdifficult.

“Hangon,”hesaid,andhestartedthebike,theengineroaringtolife.
Thevibrationrattledrighttomybones.Myfingersdugalittleintohisstomach,butItriednottoclaw

himwithmyfingernails.Hefeltsobiginfrontofme.Myfacepressedbelowhisshoulderblades.

Heturnedthebikeinthelot.Ihungonwithmylegsandhetookoff.
I could only see to the left or right as we passed by the homes as I couldn’t see around him. The

strandsofhairnearmyearsflyoutbehindme.

Whenhenearedthebendintheroad,mygriponhisstomachslippedasheangledhisbody.Iwasn’t

preparedforit.

Hemovedonehandawayfromthehandleofthebike,grabbingmyhand.Hepulleditinfrontofhim

untilhehadmypalmpressedtohischest.Hekepthishandcoveringmineforasecondandthenletgoto
maketheturnintoKota’sdriveway.

Myheartwaspoundingasheshutoffthebikeanditleanedashesteppedtoholditup.
“Swingyourlegaroundtogetoff.”
Idid,probablyrevealingwaytoomuchlegfrommyskirttodoso.IusedhisarmtohangontountilI

wasstandingandthenletgo.

Hegotoffthebike,puttingthestandintoplace.Heturnedtome.“Youokay?”
“Mylegsaretingly.”
Hesmirked.Thesightofhislipslikethatmademyheartstop.“Mine,too.”

IsatonKota’sbedwithmyanklescrossed,theonlyplaceIthoughtIcouldreallysitintheskirtIwas

wearing.Northsatnexttome,socloseIcouldfeelthewarmthofhissideonmyarm.Heleanedbacka
little.Icouldn’tseeasIwastoonervoustolookbutitfeltlikehisarmhadcrossedbehindmeandpartof
hisarmwasveryclosetonearlysupportingmyback.

KotaandLukesatonthefloor.Lukewassittingnearmyfeet,almostontopofmyrightfoot.Lukejust

finishedfillingKotainonwhattheywereplanning.

Kota seemed particularly interested in this, asking a lot of questions about capital and marketing

plans.“Itsoundslikeyourunclehasitfiguredout,”hesaid,slidinghisglassesuphisnose.“Isuppose
you’llasktherestofustofillinshifts.”

Lukebeamed.“Soyouthinkitwillwork?”
Thequestionsurprisedme.Weretheyseekinghisapproval?
“Youknowitmeansworkingduringtheschoolyear.Areyougoingtokeepupwithclasses?”
Lukenoddedfervently.“Noproblem.”
KotalookedatNorth.“Whataboutyou?”
Northshrugged.Ifelthisarmpushgentlyatmybackashedid.“It'stheusual.”
Kota’smouthdippedinthecorner.“Imeanit.Idon’tcareifyouthinkyouknowmorethantheteacher.

Thisisn’tlike...”KotaglancedatmeandthenbacktoNorth.“Don’tgofallingasleepduringclass,evenif
youknowalltheanswers.”

“I’llkeepup,”Northsaid.
Kotaseemedpleasedwiththis.Itwasasifthewholethingwassettled.Iadmiredthewaytheylooked

uptoKotaandeverything,butthiswasbeyondwhatIhadexpected.Hewasgivingtheminstructions.He
had a natural leadership, even if he wasn’t the biggest or the most aggressive. However, it had me
wonderingaboutthisgroupofguys.Ijustcouldn’tputmyfingeronit.

“Well,”Kotasaid.“I’llcallVictorandtheotherstolettheminonit.”
“Wherearethey?”Iasked.
“VictorandGabrielareoverattheschool.It’sopentodayfortouring.They’recheckingitoutbefore

registrationandthegeneralopenhousetomorrow.They’llbebringingusacoupleofmaps.”

“Itseemslikeyouguyshavethisdown,”Isaid.“It’slikeyou’vedonethisalot.”
“We’vebeeninthesamegradesinceforever,”Lukesaid.
“Sincekindergarten,”Northcorrected.“Youguyshave.Igotinlate.”
“AndSilas,”Lukesaid.“Ithinkwhenhemovedhere,hegotheldbackagrade.Nothisfault.Itwas

justtheagedifference.”

I moved my ankles, switching them around. The action caused me to lean back a little. My back

pressedintoNorth’sarm.Iblushed,sittingupmoreandmouthedthewords,“Oh,sorry.”

“Relax,”hesaid.“Youcanleanagainstme.”
Iwasn’tsureifIshould,butthelookonhisfaceleftmyinsidesquivering.IfIdidn’t,woulditseem

likeIwasn’tcomfortablewithhim?IfIdid...wellitfeltstrangetome.Irelaxedalittle,lightlysitting
back,feelinghisarmsteadybehindme.Whentheconversationturnedagaintoschedules,classesandthe
school,mymindwaswhirling,totallyfocusedonNorth’sarm.Didthatmeanhelikedme?Iwondered
whatLukethought.Werewefriendsalready?

Atonepoint,Lukegrabbedathisstomach.“Isitbreakfasttimeyet?I’mhungry.”
“Wecanmakebreakfast,”Kotasaid.“Mymom’sgonetowork.Whatdowewant?Pancakes?”
“Doyouhavechocolatechips?”Lukeasked,lookingatmewithagrin.
Northcaughtthelook.“Mygod,notyou,too.”
“Huh?”Iasked.
“Luke’sfavoritebreakfastischocolatechippancakes.”
MyeyeswentwideandIturnedagaintoLuke.“Really?”
Hegrinned,noddingenthusiastically.
Northleanedawayfromme,fallingontohisbackonthebed.Hishandswentuptohisface,rubbing,

hiselbowsarchingintheair.“Youtwoareterrible.Youcan’thavechocolateforbreakfast.”Theedgeof
hisblackshirtdriftedupslightlyonhisbody,revealinghisbellybutton.Therewasalineofcoarsehair
startingfromhisjeans,makingathinlineuptoalmostwherehisbellybuttonwas.IknowIstaredforway
toolongbutIcouldn’thelpit.Thesightmademybreathcatch.

Lukejumpedupfromthefloor.“Youcanhaveanythingforbreakfast,”hesaid.Heheldoutahandto

me.“Let’sgocook.”

Ismiled,reachingouttohim.HeheldmyhandasIstoodupandthenpartofthewayacrosstheroom

untilwewerenearthestairs.Heletgothensoweweren’ttrippingovereachotheronthestairs.Kota
came with us on my heels. I spotted North getting up from the bed, looking right at me before I moved
downthestairstoolowforhimtoseemeanymore.

IcouldhaveswornIsawasmile.

Downstairs,IstoodwithLukeinthekitchen.Iwasn’tsurewhattodo.Itwasn’tmykitchen.
Kotacameupbehindusandopenedupthepantry.Hepulledoutacontainermarkedaspancakemix.

“Sang,there’sbutter,milkandeggsinthefridge.”

Iopenedthefridge,peeringin.Itfeltsostrangetobelookinginside,likeIwaspeekinginsidetheir

drawers.Ifoundthemilkandotherthings,collectingtheminmyarmsandbringingthemtothecounter.
Lukefoundthefryingpanandaspatula.

North came downstairs and leaned against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest,

observing.“Youneedprotein,”hesaid.“Makesomebacon.”

“He’sright,”Kotasaid.“Sang?Canyougrabit?”
Iwentbacktothefridge,checkedthedrawersandfoundthebacon.Lukepulledoutanotherfryingpan

andflickedontheheatonthestovetowarmitup.

Ipulledbaconapart,waitingforthepantoheatup.Kotafoundaforkformeandthenmovedawayto

startmixingpancakebatter.Igotleftinchargeofbacon.

“We’llhavetomakechocolatechippancakespartofthedinermenu,”Lukesaid.“Likeaspecial.”He

stoodnexttome,watchingasIreleasedbaconintotheheatedpananditstartedtosizzle.

“We’renotservingchocolatechippancakes,”Northsaid.
“Otherdinersdoit,”Lukesaid.“AndSanglikesit.”
Northchuffed.
“Youcouldserveitwithfruit,”Isuggested.“Bananas?Strawberries?Thatwouldmakeithealthy.”
“I think we have to build the place first,” North said, “before we start planning a menu. Besides,

Unclewillmakewhateverhewants.It’llbehisplace.”

“You’re going to work with us, right Sang?” Luke asked, smiling as he lit his burner and slapped

butterintothepansoitcouldmelt.

“Um,”Istarted.HowcouldIpromisetoworkwhenIwasn’tsurewhenIcouldgetoutofthehouse?I

lookedbehindmeatKota,whocaughtmyglance.

“We’llhavetoseehowthingsworkout,”Kotasaidforme.“I’msurewecanallpitchinwhenitgets

busy.”

“I’d like to help,” I said, poking at the bacon and then using the fork to flip it over. It was easy to

pictureworkingnearLuke.Heseemednice.Northwasn'tsobad,either.Ithought.IfhecaredaboutLuke,
andheclearlydid,hewasn'tallbadandgruff.

Iwasabouttoflipoverthelastpiecewhensomeofthehotgreasepoppedanditcaughttheunderside

ofmyforearm.Isuckedthroughmyteeth,mostlyoutofsurpriseandpulledtheforkaway,shakingmyarm
alittletobringcoolairtomyskin.

“Easy,Sang,”Lukesaid.“Don’thurtyourself.”
IfeltahandonmyarmandturnedtoseeNorthholdingme,reachingforthefork.Hetookitfrommy

grasp.Hemovedforward,nudgingmeoutofthewayandtakingoverthebacon.

“It’sokay,”Isaid.“Icandoit.”
“Don’tworryaboutit,”Northsaid.“GohelpKota.”

Iblushed,feelinglikeIgotreprimanded.Ormaybenot?Itwasn’tlikethat.Hetookoverbecausehe

didn’twantmetogetpoppedagain.Hewasconcernedaboutme.North’sfacewasunreadablebutIwas
touched.

Kota stirred the pancake mix. When I stepped up beside him, he smiled. “We just need the chips.

They’reinthatfoodpantry,”hesaidtome.Henoddedtowheretherewasadoorattheotherendofthe
kitchen.

Imovedtoit,findingthechipsbagandpullingitofftheshelf.Kotawasalreadypouringthebatterin

thehotpan.

I opened the bag of chips, collecting a handful. When Kota moved out of the way, I sprinkled

chocolatechipsontopofthebatter.

“Yeah,”Lukesaid.“Getalotinthere.”
“Don’tgocrazy,”Northwarned.
Lukesharedaconspiratorialgrinwithme.Heleanedinandwhispered.“Putextrachocolatechipsin

his.”

“I’llmakehisasmileface,”Isaid.
Luke’seyespoppedopen.“Oh!Yeah.Dothat.”
“Icanhearyoutwo,”Northsaid.Hestartedplatingbaconandputtingmoreintothepantocook.
KotaandIstoodbywhilebaconwasmadeandpancakeswereflipped.Kotastoodsoclosetomethat

Ifelthiswarmthfromhisarm.

Henudgedatme.“How’sthephoneworking?”
“Fine.” I pulled the pink phone from my front pocket. “I’ve never...” my voice cracked and I

swallowed,pattingmythroat.“Ittookgettingusedto,”Iwhispered.

“Youshouldrestyourthroat,”hesaid.“Youreallyshouldn’tbetalking.Doyouneedsomewater?”
“What’swrongwithherthroat?”Northasked,hisdarkeyesfixingonme.“Areyousick?”
I glanced at Kota. His eyes darkened. “Might as well tell them,” he said. “They would have found

out.”

Isighed.Kotaputahandonmyback,rubbingsoftlyasIsaiditasloudasIwasable.“Mymother

mademedrinkaglassoflemonjuiceandvinegar.”ItwaseasiertosaythanIthought.ItwaslikeKota’s
handonmemademefeelbrave.

Lukedroppedthespatulaintothepancakes.Hecursedunderhisbreathandthenfisheditbackout.
Northappearedstunned.“Sheforcedyou?”
Inodded,blushing.
“And it made your throat...” he started to ask but never finished. He fixed his eyes on the bacon.

“Shit.”

Kota moved away from me and found a glass and grabbed a pitcher of water from the fridge. “Her

parentsareprettystrict.Sothat’swhyweneedtotextonly.Nocallingherhousedirectlyorshowingup
unexpectedly.”

“Why did they make you drink that nasty stuff?” Luke asked softly, plating pancakes. He started

spooningmorebatterintothepan.

Ire-openedthebagofchocolatechipsandsprinkledsmilefacesintoallofthem.“Silascalledmeon

thehousephone.”

NorthlookedbackatmeoverLuke’shead.“That’sit?Youweren’ttalkingsexorsomething?”
I blushed, shaking my head and waving my hand in the air. “No, of course not.” Why would he ask

that?WhodidhethinkIwas?“Hebarelysaidhello.”

“Isyourvoicegoingtobeokay?”Lukeaskedcarefully.
“She’llbefine,”Kotasaid,holdingtheglassofwateroutforme.“Itburnedherthroatbutitshould

healfullyinafewdays.”

Isippedthewater,feelingthecoolnessrelaxingmythroat.“It’snotsobadrightnow,”Isaid,usinga

soft voice so it wouldn’t crack and they wouldn’t worry. I should have been uncomfortable. After
yesterdaywhentheyhadn’tkickedmeout,Iwasfeelingalittleunrealaroundthem.Whatreasondidthey
havetobesosupportiveandnicetome?

“Is that why she’s here?” North asked. He looked directly at Kota. There were looks exchanged

between them that I simply couldn’t get. The silent communication worked with all seven of them. I
studiedtheirexpressions,tryingtocatchon.

“She’sherebecauseshe’swelcome,”Kotasaidbluntly.“She’smyfriend.”
Northlookedconfused.“Butshe’s...”
“Ilikeher,”Lukesaid.Heflippedoutsomemorepancakes.“She’sgotgoodtaste.”
Iblushed.WeretheytryingtodecideifIshouldstayornot?
“I’mnotquestioningyourdamnchoice,”Northsaidinaloudervoice.“I’maskingifitissafeforher

tobehereifshe’sgoingtogetherthroatburnedoutathome.Imeanifthathappenswhensomeonecalls,
whathappenswhentheyfindoutshe’sherealonewithus?”

“It’sfine,”Isaid.“Mymomhardlyeverleavesherroom.ShethinksIspendalldayinmybedroom.If

Ineverwentdownstairs,Iwouldn’tseethemforaweekormore.”ThereweretimeswhenIwentupto
myroom with applesand crackers andwouldn’t leave just tosee what happened.The only person that
wouldevernoticewasMarie,andshesimplydidn’tcare.

North seemed dissatisfied with this. He frowned, twisting his lips as he finished up the bacon. He

twistedhisneckandIcouldhearhisbonescrackingalittleasheflexed.

We set the table and sat down to eat. Luke filled my plate with pancakes and North insisted I drink

milkinsteadoforangejuicetosparemythroat.

Sevenguys.Sevenfriends.Itstillamazedmehowtheyacceptedmesoquicklyintothegroup.Itwas

likeonceKotasaidhewasmyfriend,theotherswereonthesamelevel.Whenyoubefriendedone,you
befriendedthemall.

Afterbreakfast,Ifeltmyphonebuzzinginmypocket.

Nathan:“Areyouawake?”

Ismiled.
“Whoisit?”Northasked.HestoodnexttomeasIwasleaningagainstthekitchencounter.
“It’sNathan,”Isaid.“HewantstoknowifI’mawake.”
“Tellhimtogethisassoverhere,”Northsaid.
Itypedinthemessage.

Nathan:“I’vegottraining.Ican’t.Iwantedtocheckin.Havefun.I’lltalktoyoulater.”

“Whattraining?”IaskedNorth,whowaslookingovermyshoulderatthemessage.“Isitfortheum...

Jujitsu?”

Northshrugged.“Probably.”HiseyesflickedtoKota,whogavetheslightestshakeofhishead.
Whatdidthatmean?Thesesecretglancesweremakingmenervous.Wastheresomethingtheydidn’t

wanttotellme?ItfeltlikeNathanwasdoingsomethingelse.Hedidn’twanttotellmeaboutit?Iwas
temptedtotextandaskbutcouldn’timaginetherightquestion.Iwasafriend,butIwasn’tprivytosome
informationyet.

Ineededtokeepbeingnice,Itoldmyself.Iwasjustnewtothegroup.Maybeeveryonehadsecrets

likeme.Itwasstilldisappointing.Iwassharingalotofmyownsecretswiththem.Didtheynottrustme
withtheirs?

Silasshowedupaspromisedthatafternoon.VictorandGabrielcalledtoupdateusthattheyfinished

thetourandtheyweregoinghometotakecareofstuffsotheywouldn’tbearoundtoday.Therewasno
wordfromNathanbuttheydidn’tseemtobeconcerned.Ithoughtaboutsendinghimatexttosayhello
andtoaskhowhewasdoingattrainingbuttheguyskeptmesobusyIdidn’thaveachance.

Iwassittingonthecouchdownstairs.Lukewasonmyleft.Silaswasonmyright,hisarmbehindme

against the back of the couch. North and Kota were on the floor in front of us. We were watching the
roadrunnerandthecoyotebattlingit.Ihadtakenmysandalsoffandputthembythedoor.IfeltNorth’s
handonmyfoot.Hetracedtheedgeofmysmalltoe.AtleastIthinkhewas.Hewasstonestillotherwise,
I wasn’t sure what to do. As it was Silas’s arm warmed my shoulders. I couldn’t calm myself down
enoughtofocusoncartoons.

WouldIeverfeelnormalaroundthemandascomfortableastheyseemedtobearoundme?
ItmademenervoushavingSilasthere.Hedidn’tsayanythingaboutmetalkingsosoftlyandItriedmy

besttobequietandnotgivehimareasontoaskaboutmyvoice.MostlyIdidn’twantKotaoranyoneto
tellhimwhathappened.ThelastthingIwantedwasforhimtofeelbad.IfIcouldsavehimfromthat,I
wouldbeforevergrateful.

WewalkedMaxtogether.Weplayedaboardgame.Wetalkedaboutschool.BeforeIknewit,thetime

wasslippingbyandKotawastellingushismomwouldbehomesoon.

“Notthatyouallcan’tstay,”hesaid.
“Nuhuh,”Lukesaid,stretchinghisarmsoverhishead.“Yourmomworkshard.Shedeservestoget

homeandrelax.Ifwe’restillhere,she’dinsistonmakingusdinner.”

“That’snotabadthing,”Silassaid.“Ilikehercooking.”
“SodoI,”Lukereplied.“ButI’mthinkingthatsheprobablydoesn’twantfourextrapeoplehere.”
KotatriedtosuggestthatitwasokaybutthedecisionwasmadebyNorththistimeandKotadidn’t

pushtheissue.Weallneededtogetreadyforregistrationtomorrowanyway.

NorthandLukeleftfirstonNorth’smotorcycle.Lukepromisedtotextmelater.KotaandSilaswalked

withmeoutside.Westoodtogetherjustinsideofthegarage,lookingoutatthestreet.

“Will we be able to approach you at registration?” Kota asked. “What would your dad think if we

weretalking?”

IflickedmyeyesatSilas.Didhealreadyknowaboutthispart,too?Wouldhebesurprisedtohearmy

momwassostrict?“He’daskquestions.He’snotasbadasmymombuthe’dtellheraboutit.Ithinkit’ll
befinesincewe’reinapublicplace.ImeanIhavetogotoschool.Shecan’tdoanythingaboutthat.”

“You should leave your phone at home,” Kota suggested. “We’ll be there pretty early. We’ll keep

someonebythedoortowatchoutforyou.”

MyeyeswidenedandIlookedatSilas.Hewasleaningagainsttheframeofthegaragedoor,hisarms

folded,lookingserious.

“Why?”Iasked.“Imean,notthatitisn’tniceofyou.ButyoumakeitsoundlikeIneedtobebabysat.”
Kotasmiled.“Haveyouheardofthisschoolwe’regoingto?”
Ishookmyhead.“It’sjustapublicschool,right?”
Kotapushedhisglassesuponhisnose,hisfingerremainedonthebridgeashetalked.“There’sover

twothousandkidsthatwillbeattendingthisyear.Overhalfarefrompoorneighborhoods.They'vegotso
manykids,theybuilttrailersinthebackforadditionalclassroomspace.There’snotenoughlockerstogo
around.There’susuallyonlyenoughfortheseniors.”Hefrowned.“Thehallwayshavebeenknowntobe
prettyunsafe.Fightingbreaksoutalot.Wewereplanningonstickingbyeachotherthroughouttheyear.
With you here now, we’ll have to coordinate carefully. Someone like Silas could handle himself, but I
wouldn’twanttoleaveyoualone.Atleastnotbetweenclasses.”

Ifeltmymouthforman‘o’shape.“That’shorrible.”Ithoughtforamoment.“IsthatwhyGabrielwas

talkingabouttheprivateschool?”

Bothoftheirheadsjerkedaroundtolookatmethatitsurprisedme.Ifeltmyeyebrowsgoingup.
“WhatdidGabrielsay?”Kotaasked.
I shrugged. “He just mentioned something about a private school he was thinking about maybe

attending next year or something like that. He didn’t say the name or anything. I wasn’t sure if he was
serious.”

KotashotaglanceatSilas.Silas’sfacewasblank.
“Wellhe’sdefinitelygoingtothepublicschoolthisyear,”Kotasaid.
BeforeIcouldaskanythingelse,acarpulledupinthedrive.SilasandIwalkedoutofthegarageto

getoutoftheway.Kotafollowedus.Ericapulledhercarintothegarage.Shesmiledatusasshegotout
andwaved.

“Areyoutwoleaving?Icouldmakedinner,”sheoffered.Hersmilewaswarmbutherfacedidlook

tired.Sheworeanurse’suniform.Hernametagwasstillpinnedtoherchest.

“Wecan’tstay,”Isaidquickly.“We’vegotregistrationtomorrow.Weshouldgethomeandbeready

forit.”

“Goodkids,”shesaid.“Comeoversometimethisweekend.I’llmakecookies.Youtoo,Silas.”
Silasnoddedtoher.“I’llalwayscomeoverforcookies.”
WesaidgoodbyetoherandKota.Kotacollectedabagforhismomanddisappearedinsidewithher.

SilasandIwalkedtogetherdownthedriveway.AdarkblueFordsedanwasparkedalongthestreetin
frontofthehouse.Westumbledoverandstoodnexttoit.IwasalonewithSilas.Myheartwaspounding
again.Istuffedmyhandsintothefrontpocketofmyhoodietohidemyrattlingfingers.We’refriends,I
toldmyself.Friendshangout.I’dbeenwithhimallday.WhywasIfeelingsonervous?

“Ilikethoseclothesonyou,”Silasoffered.“Itlookssporty.Itsuitsyou.”
Ismiledatthecompliment.“Thankyou.”Iwantedtosaysomethinginreturnbutnothingsoundedcool

enough. He was wearing another pair of jeans and a baseball t-shirt. “What’s your favorite team?” I
managedtogetout.

Helookedatme.“Forwhatsport?”
“Baseball.”
“RedSox,mostly.Dependsonwho’sontheteam.”
“Whatwasupwiththeirpitcherlastyear?TheonefromJapan?Heplayedfortwogamesandthen

theytradedhim.”

Hisbroadmouthturnedupatthecorner.“Youwerewatching?”
“Not all the time but I catch it every now and again. I’ll watch the World Series,” I said. “My

grandfatherusedtowatcheverygame.”

“Haveyoueverbeentoone?Aprogame?”Silasasked.
Ileanedwithmybackagainstthecarandfumbledwiththephoneinmypocket.“Nope.”
He smiled. “We should go some time. Though I think the closest professional team is in Atlanta.

MaybeNorthCarolina.”

IfeltmylipspartingandIwaslookingathim.AgainIwasn’tsureifhewasaskingmeonadateoras

friendsorifhewasjusttalkingingeneral.IcursedtomyselfforbeingsooutoftouchwithpeoplethatI
couldn’ttellthedifference.

“I’dlikethat,”Isaid.ItwasallIcouldthinktosay.
Silasmovedtostandinfrontofme,thetoesofhistennisshoesmatchedupwithmineinmysandals.

“Sang?”

Iliftedaneyebrow.“Yeah?”
“You’renotmadatme,areyou?”
MymouthpoppedopeninsurpriseandIpulledmyhandfrommypockettolightlytouchatthebaseof

mythroat.“Whatfor?WhywouldIbemadatyou?”

Heshiftedonhisfeet,lookingaway.Thebreezepickedupatsomeofthestrandsofhisblackhair,and

itdriftedintohiseyes.“Ileftyoualoneatthemall.Thoseguys...IfKotahadn’tfoundyou...Andthenyour
momandthevinegar.”Hehuffedandturnedaway,hishandsdiggingintohispockets.“I’msorry.”

“Silas,” I said softly. He knew. Did Kota tell him? They were best friends since forever, I

remembered.Someonetoldhim.Ishouldhaverealizeditwouldhappened.Theywerehonestwitheach
other.Witheffort,Itouchedhisarm.Thisiswhatfriendsdo,right?Themovewassoawkwardforme,I
wasn’tsurehowlongIshouldbedoingit.“I’mnotmadatyou.I’mfine.Really.I’msorryIdidn’ttellyou
aboutthevinegar.Iwasworriedaboutyou.”

He turned his face back to me. He didn’t seem surprised by my touch, but he was blushing. “You

worriedaboutme?”

Inodded.“AfterallthetroubleIcausedatthemall,Iwasworriedyouwouldn’tlikeme.Iwashappy

you called. My mother... I can’t help what she does and it wasn’t your fault. But I’m fine. My voice is
fine.”

Asoftshimmerwashedoverhiseyes.“YouthoughtIwouldn’tlikeyoubecauseofthatstupidkid?”
ItriedtowarmmysmileupforhimalthoughIwasshakingfrombeingnervous.“Youwereniceto

me,”Isaid.“NexttimeIgowithyoutothemall,I’llstickcloseby.Weshouldn’thaveleftyoutwoalone.
Iwasworriedthen,too.Ithoughtmaybeyou’dgottenhurt.Weshouldhavestayedandhelpedyou.”

Helaughed,reachingformyhandthatwasstilltouchinghisarmandgaveitalightsqueeze.“What

wouldyoudoinafight?”

Ismirkedandtuggedmyhandbutheheldstrongtome.Itriedtoplayfullypunchathimwithmyother

handtogethimtoletgo.Hesnatchedupmyotherwrist.Hetwistedmeuntilmybackwaspressedup
againsthischest.Withmyarmscrossed,Iwaspinnedagainsthim.Ifelthisbreathonthebackofmyhead,
andhislipsmovingagainstmyhair.

“Wouldyouknowwhattodo?”heaskedme,hisdeepvoicedroppinganoctave.“IfIwassomeone

youdidn’tknow,wouldyoubeabletogetaway?”

Ididn’twanttogetaway,Ithought.Ifelttheheatofhisbodypressedupagainstme.Iwasbarelytall

enoughtorestmyheadagainsthischest.Ididsquirm.Ipretendedtowanttobereleased.Whileitwas
warmoutside,itdidn’tmattertome.Inmyheart,thisfeltsogood,likeawarmblanketonacoldday.No,
itwasmuchbetterthanablanket.Itleftmywholebodytinglingandfeelingalive.Myheartwasinmy
earsandthumpingloudly.“I’dhavetostomponyourfeet,”Ireplied.

Hechuckled.“Tryit.”
“No!”
“Whynot?”
“Idon’twanttohurtyou,Silas.”
Hisbodytensedbehindme.Istoppedwriggling.Westoodtogetherlikethatforwhatseemedlikean

eoninthemoment.Slowlyheletgoofme.Iturnedtofacehim.Hislargebrowneyesfixedonmine.His
fingersflexedandhereachedouttowardmyfaceforamomentbutstoppedshort.Hisarmsdroppedtohis
side.Hesmileddownatme.

“You’renotlikeothergirls,Sang.”
Ifrownedsoftly.Howcouldhesaythataboutme?DidIdosomethingwrong?“Iamagirl,though.I

knowmyfamilyisalittleweirdbutI’mnormalenough.”Iwaslyingthroughmyteeth.Ididn’tfeelnormal
atall.Ijustdesperatelywantedtobelikeeveryoneelse.Ididn’twantparentswhowereagoraphobic.I
wasdoingmybesttobeasaverageaseveryoneelsesoIcouldbeaccepted.WasIfailing?

“You’refarfromnormal,”hesaidquietly.
Myeyeswentwide.“YouthinkI’mstrange?”
“Yeah,”hesaid,blinkingatme.“Imean,different.”

Iscoffed.
“It’snotabadthing.”
Ishrugged,stuffingmyhandsintomypocketagain.Ididn’tknowwhattosaytohim.Hejustcalledme

weird. Weird like my family. Weird was what unwanted people were. Weird stopped me from having
friendsforsuchalongtime.

Hisbrowscreasedandheblewoutaperplexedbreathofair.“Ihavetogetgoing.”
“Okay.”IwasstillalittlehurtbutIwassorrytoseehimgo.
Hefishedhiskeysoutofhispocketandopenedhiscardoor.“I’llseeyoutomorrowatregistration,”

hesaid.Hegotin,startedhiscaranddroveoff.

Iwalkedhomealone.

That night, the house was fairly quiet. My parents were in bed. Marie’s light was off. No one had

noticedIwasgoneallday.Iwasgratefulforit.

ItookoutwhatIwasgoingtowearforregistrationthenextday,alightblueskirtandanicerwhite

blousethatbuttonedupinthefrontandhadasoftcollar.ItwasthankstoGabriel’ssuggestionsandthe
picturesIsenttohimofwhatwasinmycloset.HehadanopinionabouteverypieceIowned.Ihadalist,
thankstoKota,oftheclassesIwantedtotake.Whentherewasnothingelsetodo,Iwassprawledouton
thefloor.ItwasafterelevenatnightandIstillwasn’tsleepy.Icrawledtothecornerofmyroomnearthe
window,lookingthroughtheappsonthephonejusttoseewhatwasavailableforfree.Ididn’twantto
downloadanythingthatwouldleadtomoreexpensesfortheguys.

Thephonevibratedinmyhand.

Nathan:“Areyouawake?”
Sang:“Yes.”
Nathan:“Areyouinyourroom?”

Thequestiongotmetositup.

Sang:“Yup.”
Nathan:“Yourwindowisthesecondonefromtheleft?”

Wherewasthisgoing?Andhowdidheknow?

Sang:“Ifyou’refacingthehousefromthestreet,yes.Abovetheporch.”

Iwaitedforananswer.WhennothingcamebackafterawhileIsentanothertext.

Sang:“Whydidyouwanttoknow?”

Silenceagain.

Sang:“Nathan?”

IwasjustabouttogiveuponhimwhenIheardagentletapatmywindow.Itstartledmesobadlythat

Ijumpedsideways,droppingmyphone,myheadtwistingtowardthewindow.

Withmylighton,Icouldn’tseeifanyonewasthere.Igotupoffthefloor,approachingitslowly,my

handstillonmyheart,untilIwascloseenoughtowhereIwasblockingthelightfromthewindow.At

firstallIsawwasthesilhouette.Nathanwaskneelingontheroof,lookinginside.

Ihurriedtounlockthewindowandliftedit.Hehelpedopenitfromtheotherside.
Istuckmyheadout.“Whatareyoudoinguphere?”Iwhispered.“Howdidyougetuphere?”
“I’mgladtoseeyou,too.”Hegrinnedatme,hisblueeyeslightingup.“Ibroughtyousomething.”
“Itcouldn’twaituntiltomorrow?”
Hepassedmesomethingsoft.Itookitfromhim.HesatontheflatpartoftheroofwhileIunraveledit.

Itwasthedarkt-shirtwithforeignwritingonitIhadborrowedtowearthedayIwentswimming.

“Ithoughtyouwantedit,”hesaid.
I smiled, touched that he risked breaking his neck to bring it to me. “I didn’t win the races. Any of

them,”Isaid.

“Consideritaconsolationprize.AsmanytimesasIwon,you’llbesittingnexttomeineveryclass

allthewaythroughmedschool.”

Iheldacoupleoffingerstomylipstohelpsuppressmygiggling.“UntilIbeatyouatanotherrace.”
“That’snotgonnahappen,peanut.”
The shirt smelled clean. I smoothed my palm over the foreign lettering. “What’s this shirt say,

anyway?”

“Itsaysgirlsarestupid.Throwrocksatthem.”
IreachedouttopunchatwhatIthoughtwashisarmbuthedodgedalittleandIhithischest.
“Hey,”hesaid,feigningbeinghurtwhenIonlybarelybrushedhischest.“I’msittingoutonaroof,you

know.”

The house creaked and we both froze. I held my breath, listening. When nothing else happened, I

lookedathim.Hiseyesfocusonmyface.

“I’llgo,”hewhispered.“Ijustwantedtosayhi.Ihadn’tseenyouallday.”
“Wherewereyou?”
“Ihadtraining.”
“Jujitsu?”
Hissmilewasgentleonhisface,acontrasttotheharshnessofhismasculinejawline.“Yeah.Jujitsu.”
Thewayheansweredme,itfeltlikeitwasn’tthewholetruth.“Alldaylong?”
“I’mtired,”hesaid.“Youshouldgetsomesleep.We’vegotregistrationtomorrow.”
ItwaslateandIdidn’twanttopresshim.Ibitbackmyquestions.WhowasItoprivyintohislife

whenIjustmethim?“IguessI’llseeyouthen.”

Henoddedandthenmovedawayfromthewindow.Hecrawledonhishandsandfeettotheedge.He

swunghislegsdownfirstandheldtheroofwithhishands.Hedroppeddownoutofmyview.Withmy
heartinmythroatandholdingmybreath,IwaitedbythewindowuntilIspottedhimdashingacrossthe
frontlawnandoutintothestreet.

Nathantheninja.

D

R.

G

REEN

IdreamedofmyoldschoolwithpeopleIdidn’tknowwhohadturnedintozombies.Theychased

me.Thedoorswerelocked.Iwastrapped.

T

hephonewokemethatmorning.Ihadforgottentoputitbackintotheattic.Iwasinbedwithit,and

ithadslippedtobetweenmystomachandthesheets.Ifeltitvibratingandittickledmeoutofsleep.Inmy
dream,itwasazombiebiting.

Silas:“I’msorryifImadeyoumad.”

Ittookmeamomenttorememberwhathewastalkingabout.

Sang:“I’mnotmad.”

NowthatIhadslept,whatIfeltbeforewithhimseemedstupid.Itwaswrongofmetogetangrywith

himwhenfromwhatIrememberedoftheconversation,hewastryingtobenice.

Sang:“Forgivemeforbeingameanie?”
Silas:“You’renotmean,Sang.”

Ismiled,myheartflutterandflippedaroundinmychest.

Sang:“You’retoonicetome.”
Silas:“Ditto.”

Itookmytimeinthebathroomlater.Ishowered,shavedmybody,driedoff,usedablowdryeronmy

hairanddugoutabarrettetopullbacklocksofhairfrommyeyeswithoutusingtheclip.ItwasGabriel’s
suggestion.Iwasn’tsurewhytherewassuchanemphasisonwhattowear.Itwasjustregistration.

Iputonmyblueskirtandmodestwhiteblouse,andmysandals.Ihadanotebookandapencilwith

me,Kota’slistwastuckedintothenotebookalongwiththepaperthatIhadfilledoutforregistration.We
weresupposedtobringittobeapprovedandenteredintoacomputer.

There was a tall mirror hanging on the inside of my bedroom closet. I checked myself out in my

reflection.Dirtyblondhair.Greeneyes.Lightskin.Decentclothes.Averageacrosstheboard.

Marieopenedmybedroomdoor,lettingitswinguntiltheknobhitthewall.“Hey,”shesaid.“Let’s

go.” She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with sneakers. She had heavy makeup on her face, her eyes
looked darker with the eyeliner around it. She picked up makeup leftovers from her friends at her old
school.Sheonlyworeitonrareoccasionstosavewhatshecould.“Youlooklikeyou’renewtoschool,”
shesaid.

“Iamnew.”
“Yeah,butyoulookit.Andthatnotebookmakesyoulooklikeanerd.”
Ishrugged.Ididn’twanttosaysomethingaboutwhatIthoughtofhermakeup.Sometimeinthepast

fewyearswehadgrowndistant.Wesaweachother.Weworkedalongsideeachother.Wehadargueda
lot,too.Mostlyourargumentsfocusedonwhowoulddowhichchores.Eventuallyitbecameageneral
needtosimplyexistwithoutgettinginvolvedinwhattheotheronewasdoing.Thefeelingaroundherwas
thatofwhatIimaginedaco-workerwouldfeel.Friendlysometimesbutwewerejustashappynottalking
toeachother.Whyhadn’twebondedlikeIreadofothersiblingsdoinginbooks?ItstruckmeasoddbutI
couldonlyguessweweresimplydifferentfromeachother.Somethinghappenedbetweenus.Icouldn’t
explainandwewerenowsofarapartfromeachotheritfeltimpossibletobecomewhatIimaginedreal
sisterswerelike.

“Getgoing,”shesaidandshewalkedouttorushdownthestairs.
Mydadwaswaitingforusoutinthecar.Irarelysawmyfatherunlesstherewasaschooleventoron

Sundays.AnyotherdayheworkedandmadeitintimefordinnerandIusuallyskippeddinner.Hewas
tall,lankyandmostofthetimehewascheeryaroundthefamily.Hehadcurlydarkhair,highcheekbones.
Whenhewasaroundmymother,hisposturesaggedmoreandhelookedtired.

“Hurryup,”hecalledtous.Hewavedhisbighandatus.“You’regoingtoendupinalltheleftover

classes.”

Marie got in the front passenger side of the small, five-year-old sedan. I climbed into the back. I

lockedmyseatbeltinevenifmydadandsisterdidn’t.Werodeinsilenceinthecar.

The lot at the school was already full. I wasn’t sure we would find a parking space but there were

peoplepullingintopartofthelawn.Mydadfoundaspotneartheback.

“Rememberwherewe’reparked,”hesaid.“Ifwehavetosplitup,justcomebackhere.”
Ifellbehindthemasweheadedtowardthesidedooroftheschool.Itlookedaboutthesamesizeas

myoldschool.Gabrielhadbeenrightaboutitbeingugly.Thebuildingwastwostories,brown,drab,no
windowsexceptforahandfulalongthesecondfloor.Thegroundswereflat,withonlyahandfuloftrees
alongtheborderofthegrounds.Squarehedgesgrewalongtheoutsidewallsbetweensetsofdoors.The
hedgeslookedliketheyneededtobewateredthreemonthsago.Therewasafootballpracticeareaoffto
the left, a baseball diamond and some tennis courts beyond it. Each were well worn with holes in the
meshguardsandthebencheslookedwarped.BeyondthatIcouldseethetrailersKotahadtalkedabout.
Thenumberamazedme.Icountedatleastthirtyandtheyextendedoutfromtheschool.Iwonderedhow
anyonemanagedtogetfromoneofthosetrailerstoclassesinsideontime.

“Idon’twantaclassinatrailer,”Mariesaid.Forthemoment,Iagreedwithheronthatpoint.
Theentrywaywascrowded.Theoff-whitetilesinsidethedoorswerecrackedanduneven.Students

coming and going made it difficult to navigate and many of them stopped to talk to each other without
concernofwhotheymightbeblocking.Mostoftheparentslookedtiredandwereleaningupagainstthe
wallsandoutoftheway.

It took five minutes just to get through the side door. I scanned the crowd for one of the guys. I

wonderediftheyexpectedmetocomeinthroughanotherdoor.

From what Kota described of how dangerous the school was, I tried to make myself small and

uninteresting.Noneoftheotherstudentsseemedparticularlyinterestedinus.Mostwereconcernedwith
eithergettinginlineorfindingoldschoolfriendstotalkto.Icouldn’timagineafightbreakingoutwhen
somanyteachersandparentswerestandingrightthere.

Oncewewereinthemainhallway,thecrowdthinnedoutalittle.Thereweretableslinedupneara

largeglasswindowthatoverlookedthecenter,openairedcourtyard.Therewasonelargestaircaseinthe
middleofthehallwaywithparentssittingonthefirstfewsteps.Furtherdownthehalltherewasalineof
vendingmachinesandalongtheoppositewallwasatrophycase.Ididn’tseeanyclassrooms.

“We’llhavetosplitup,”mydadsaid.“Thetablesaredividedbygradelevel.”
“I’llbefine,”Isaid.“There’smytable.YougowithMarie.”
“Hecangowithyou,”shesaid.Hereyeswereonagroupofgirlscrowdingaroundhergradetable.
“Filloutyourformandcomeback,”Dadsaidtome.“I’llhavetoapproveandsignit.”
Inoddedtohim.Thelinetomytablewaslong.Imovedtotheendofittowaitmyturn.Ifeltatapon

myshoulderandturnedaround.

“Hey!”Lukecalledintomyoppositeear,scaringme.
Ismiled,happytobefound.“Youmadeit.”
“Isawyoucomein.IthoughtitwouldbeprettyawkwardifIjustwalkeduptoyou.”
“Ididn’tevenseeyou.”
“I’mprettygoodatstalkinggirls.”Hepulledouthiscellphoneandtappedsomethingin.“We’vebeen

waitingforyou.I’mlettingthemknowyou’rehere.”

Within moments they all appeared. North was in his black clothes, although his shirt was collared

withaGuccilogoonthefrontpocket.Silashadawhitecollaredshirt.Kotaworeawhiteshirtwitha
greentie.Nathan,GabrielandVictorworeslacksanddifferentcoloredRalphLaurenandHilfigerpolo
shirts.Tome,theywerealldressedalotnicerthanmostofthestudents,whoworerippedjeans,baggyt-
shirtsandsneakers.IrealizedMariewasrighttowearwhatshehad.ShefitinbetterthanIdidwiththe
otherstudents.Iwasgladtheguyswerethere.Ididn’tfeelsooutofplacewiththemaround.

“It’sabouttime,”Victorsaidtome,frowning.“I’vebeenhereforhours.”
“I’msorry,”Isaid.MycheeksheatedandIpressedafingertomylowerlip.“Didyouallhavetowait

forme?”

Glancewereexchanged.HaditnotoccurredtothemthatI’mjustonegirl?Theydidn’thavetowait.I

feltbadenoughthatanyofthemwerehangingaroundforme.HowmuchtroublecouldIgetintotoday?

“Don’tworryaboutit,”Victorsaid,stuffinghishandsintohispocketsandshrugging.“Wedon’thave

anythingbettertodotodayanyway.Iwasjusttiredofstandingatthedoor.”

With the boys standing with me, the line was a little crowded. Kota started talking about something

withLukeandtheothersbutoverthenoiseofthecrowd,Icouldn’thearverywell.Myeyesshiftedtothe
otherstudents.Therewasagroupofgirlsnottoofarawaylookinginonus.Oneofthemglancedmyway,
herfacelookingangryanditconfusedme.Iturnedaway,assumingthelookwasn’tmeantforme.Still,it
wasintimidating.

“Didyouallsignupalready?”Iasked.
Collective nods. “We won’t have schedules until we get them in the mail on Monday. We start

Tuesday,”Kotasaid.

“It’s all a big pain in the ass,” Nathan said and then grumbled something under his breath that I

couldn’tunderstand.

“You’ll have to watch your language,” Kota warned. “School might not have started yet, but there’s

stillrules.”

Nathanrolledhiseyesbutdidn’targuethepoint.
“We’llgetoutofthisline.We’retoobigofagroup,”Kotasaid.“Who’sstayingwithher?”
Theyallsaid“me”atonce.Ilaughedbutwhentheylookedatmeasiftheydidn’tunderstandwhyI

waslaughing,Istoppedshort.

“Victor and Silas, you stay here. North and Luke, go tail her sister. Just keep your distance. I don’t

wanttoscareher.Therestofuswillheadouttothatcourtyard.Sang,whenyou’redone,we’llmeetout
thereandwe’lltakeatourtogether.”

They were going to keep an eye of my sister, too? I blushed, not having thought of that. Again I

admiredthewayKotatookchargeofthegroup.Nothingwasarguedover.WhenKotamadeadecision,
theysimplyfellinline.

VictorandSilasstayedbymysidewhiletherestdisappearedintothecrowd.
“Whatclasseswereyougettingagain?”Victorasked.
IpulledoutthepaperthatKotapreparedformeandshowedittohim.
“You’remissingone,youknow,”hesaid.“Youhavetopickseven.”
Ifeltmyheartflippingintoapanic.“Ithoughtthepapersaidsix.”
“Youhavetopickonemorejustincaseaclassgotfilledup.”
Iblewoutabreath,feelinglikegrumbling.
“Don’tsweatit,”Silassaid,smoothingfingersthroughhisdarkhair,brushingawaythelocksthatfell

intohiseyes.“Justpickanartclass.”

Ihesitated,unsureofwhattopick.Mymindwentblankastowhatotherclassestherecouldbe.
“Whataboutamusicclass?”Victoroffered.
“Wouldyoubeinthatone?”Iasked.
Hefrowned.“Probablynot.I’vegotanadvancedpianoclasstotake.”Hewrappedahandaroundhis

oppositearm,rubbingatit.“Yeah,maybenotamusicclass.Nooneelsetakesone.”

“Iguessthewinnerisart,”Isaid.“Idon’tthinkIcantakeanythingelse.Imean,theinterestingstuffis

reservedforhighergradestudents.”

“Whatwouldyouwant?”Silasasked.“Imean,iftherewasn’tagraderestriction.”
“Hm, maybe a language? Or a writing class? I’m not sure. I wish I’d looked more at the book.” I

lookedatmypaperwherebeforeIhadmetKota,Japaneseandafewotherclasseshadbeenscribbledin.
IhadcrossedthemouttoputinKota’ssuggestions.Mypaperalreadylookedlikeamess.Isupposedit
didn’tmatter.IfIendedupinanartclasswithGabriel,thatwouldn’tbebad.

Thelinewasmoving.Iwasgoingtobenext.
“Don’t worry about it too much,” Silas said, putting a hand on my shoulder. His face tilted to look

downatme.“Justfillupwithprerequisites.You’vegottimetolearnthestuffyouwant.”

Inodded.ItwasallIcoulddo.Isharedasmallsmilewithhim.
“You’reup,”Victorsaid.Hequicklyreachedformyhand,andgaveitagentlesqueeze.“We’llstand

byoutoftheway.”

Myeyesslidtoseeifmysisterormyfatherwerearoundandhadnoticedtheguystouchingmeand

Victorholdingmyhand.Noonearoundseemedtonotice.

Ittooktwentyminutesworkingwithaschoolcounselortolineupmyclasses.Ishowedhermylistand

she tried to tell me three AP classes were too much. I insisted it was fine but she wouldn’t listen. She
gave me AP English and AP Geometry. After that, she wrote down gym class, the typing class, without
askingme,andthegeneralbiologyclass,andthenwrotedownAmericanhistory.

“IthinkIpreferworldhistory,”Itoldher.
“WorldhistoryisanAPclass.Youcanonlyhavetwo.”
Ifrowned.Thiswasn’tthelineupIreallywanted.Ifeltuncomfortablethatshechangedthingsandthat

Icouldn’tconfirmwithKota.

SheaskedifIhadalternatechoices.Isuggestedartandshesaidtheartclasswasalreadyfull.Itried

tolookoverthecatalogbutshegotannoyedwithmequickly.Shewroteinchoirandwoodshop.

“Itwon’t matter,” shesaid. “You willprobably get in yourfirst choices.” Shehanded me the paper

withhersignatureonit.“Gogetyourparentstosignthis.Takeittoroom103.It’sdownthehallandto
theleft.”

The table was surrounded by other students all grumbling after me that I was taking so long. My

cheeks felt hot. Did she have to be so short with me? I scanned for Victor and Silas. I saw Silas’s tall
frameovertheotherstudents.Hestoodacrossthehall.

IpointedtomypaperintheairandthenpointedtowhereIcouldseemydad.Henoddedtomeand

thenpointedtohisowneyes.He’llbewatching.

Idartedmywaypasttheotherstudents.Ifoundmydadstandingbythestaircase.
“Marie’sdone,”hesaid.“Shewenttothebandroomtoseewhereitwas.”
IimaginedNorthandLukewasfollowingher.Iwonderifshenoticed.“Ijustneedyoutosignthis.”I

handedhimthepaper.

“You already crumpled it,” he said. “Two advanced classes?” he looked at me. “Is that okay with

you?”

Ishrugged.“It’sfine.It’sallstuffIhavetotakeanyway.”Myheartwasthrobbing.Itriedtoshakeit

off.MaybeIwasgoingtogetinovermyheadwithtoomanyAPclasses.Therewasnothingtodoaboutit
now.

Hetookapenfromhispocketandscrawledhisnameatthebottom.“Wheredoyoutakethis?”
“There’saclassroomdownthehallIthink.”
“Gettoit.Areyougoingtotourthebuilding?”
Inodded.
“I’mgoingtowaitinthecar.I’vegotsomephonecallstomake.Trytokeepitshort.Findyoursister

whenyou’redoneandheadouttothecar.”

Inoddedandwatchedhimgo.Whenwasthelasttimewetalked?Beforewemoved?Evennowwhen

wehadtimetotalk,hewalkedofftomakephonecalls.IthoughtIshouldbedisappointedorsadbutI
wasn’t.Iwasempty.Strangersinastrangefamily.

I weaved my way again through the throng of students collecting with each other and talking about

classes.IwastryingtofindmywaybacktoSilasandVictorsotheycouldwalkwithme.

AtsomepointIwaspushedassomestudentsweregoofingoff.Iendeduppressedupagainstamanin

alargebrown,corduroysuit.Heturnedaroundtolookatme.Heworeglasses,hadbrownhair,abristle
mustacheandwateryeyes.Hehadalightbrownpairofslacksandanoddlycoloredorangeplaidtie.

“No need to push,” he said. His name tag was pinned to the breast of his coat. Vice Principal Mr.

McCoy.

“I’msosorry,”Isaid.Isweptmyeyesdown.“Ididn’tmeanto.It’sjustcrowdedinhere.”
Hegrumbled.“Kidsinahurrytogetintoschoolandthemomentyou’rein,you’redoinganythingto

getoutagain.”Hebackedhimselfoffandthenlookedmeover.HiseyeshoveredovertheblouseIwas
wearingandthensmootheddownovermywaistandtomylegs.“Youalsowearskirtsthataretooshort,”
hesaid.“What’syourname?”

Myeyeswidened.IwantedtoglancearoundforSilasbutMr.McCoystoodrightinfrontofme,his

armscrossing.Hewasn’tabouttoletmeescape.“I’mSang.”

“Lastname?”
“Sorenson.”
“Hm,”hesaid.“Hippieswiththeirnames.WhatkindofmothernamesherkidSong?”
Ibitmylip,tooafraidtocorrecthim.Myheartthundered.Schoolhadn’tstartedyetandIwasalready

introuble!

“Yourskirtistooshort.You’regoingtohavetogohomeandchange.Wecan’tallowstudentstowalk

aroundlikethis.”

Mymouthfellopen.“I’malmostdone,”Isuggested.“I’lljustturnthisinandIcan...”
“Idon’tthinkso.”Hereachedforthesheetofpaperinmyhands,rippingitfromme.Helookedatmy

listofclasses.“Choirandtyping.Howtypical.”

Ibowedmyheadagain,myeyesglassingoverwithtears.Whywashedoingthistome?
“I’ll keep this. You tell your parents your clothes aren’t appropriate. Go home and change and then

comeback.”

“Mr.McCoy,”calledavoice.Webothturnedtowherethespeakerhadcalledfrom.
Amanapproachedwithsandyblondhair,thegentlecurlscuttothemiddleofhisears.Hiseyeswere

adazzlinggreenandhisfacewasjustaskindashisvoice.Hewasaheadtallerthanmewithtapered
shouldersandatrimbody.Hehadaheartshapedfaceandappearedyoung.Maybe19?Itsurprisedme.I
wonderedifhewasaseniororarecentgraduatewhostoppedbytohelpwithregistrationday.Hiswore
khakipants,awhiteshirtandagreentie,Gucciloafers.

“I was just looking for you, Mr. McCoy.” He turned to me, looking down at my face. He used his

forefingertopushawayalockofhairthatfellinhiseyes.“I’msorry.AmIinterrupting?”

“No,”Mr.McCoysaid.“She’sgoinghometochangebeforeshe’sallowedtoregister.”
Ifeltmyliptrembling.Howhumiliating.
Themanraisedaneyebrowatme,lookingmeover.“Andwhatappearstobetheproblem?”
“Herskirtistooshort.”
Hislipspursed.“Ibelievetherulebookstatesthataskirtmustbeaslongasalady’sfingertipswhen

she has her hands pressed to her sides.” He motioned to me with a finger. “Miss, would you put your
handstoyoursides,please?”Histonewassogentle.Iwantedtodoanythinghesuggested.

Isnappedstraightasarod.Myhandspressedneatlytomythighs.Imighthavescrunchedmyelbowsa

little,butevenso,myskirtwasatleastaninchandahalflongerthanmylongestfinger.

“Itappearsshe’swithinregulation,”hesaid.
“Idon’tthinkitisappropriateforhertowearit,”Mr.McCoysaid.Histeethwereclenchedtogether.
“Maybenot,butthat’snotourjudgmenttomake,”themansaid.HeturnedtoMr.McCoy.“Isthather

registration?”

“Yes,but...”
“I don’t see why we have to put the counselors through twice the work. They have enough to do

today.”

“Youknowyoucan’tjustwalkinandtakeoverhowIhandlethesestudents,Dr.Green.She’snotone

ofyourboys.”Mr.McCoybarkedathim,hisfistsclenchedtohissides.

Adoctor?Iblinked,disbelievingsomeonesoyounghadadoctorate.
“Ibelievewewerebroughtintoassistinanywaywecan.Ithinkwehaveenoughtoworryaboutkids

whohaveactuallybrokentherulesthanworryaboutonegirlwhohasn’t.”HereachedforthepaperMr.
McCoywascrumplinginhishands.Hetookitfromhimandhandedittome.Hisgreeneyeswashedover
myface,soothingandcheerful.Heputagentlehandonmyarm.“I’llshowyouwheretoturnthatin.You
werejustheadingthatway,weren’tyou?”

Inodded,tryingnottolookatMr.McCoy.Myheartthunderedinmychestbothfrombeingsoscared

andfromDr.Green’shandonme.Iwonderedforaquickmomentifthesituationcouldgetanyworse.Mr.
McCoywouldprobablyrememberthis.

Dr.Greenguidedmedownthehallway.IwasworriedtheboyswouldwonderwhereIhadgoneorif

theythoughtIditchedthem.Icouldn’tsimplywalkawayandlookforthem.

“IshouldapologizeforMr.McCoy’sbehavior,”Dr.Greensaid,hishandstillgentlyonthebackofmy

arm.“Ithinkhemeanswell.”

“He’sprettyintimidating,”Isaid.
Helaughed,hisvoicesmoothandlight.“Ithinkthat,too.Butusuallyintimidatingpeoplefeelthesame

wayaboutus.Ithinkapsychologistwouldsay...well,somethingboringtoyoungstudents,I’msure.”

“Somethingabouttheworstweseeinothersiswhatweactuallyseeinourselves?”
Hesmiled,hiseyeslightingup.“Wellsaid.”
“Ihopeitdoesn’tmeanMr.McCoydoesn’tlikethatIwearaskirtbecausehedoesn’tlookgoodina

skirt.”

Dr.Green’s head rockedback, his handgoing to his foreheadand he laughedloud enough to attract

attentionfromotherstudents.“NoweverytimeIseehim,I’llbethinkingofhiminaskirt.”

Ismiled.Iwould,too.

Westoppedoutsideofroom103.Thestudentshadthinnedoutaroundus.Dr.Greenturnedtomeatthe

door.Hereachedout,surprisingmeandtouchedthecollarofmyshirt.Hebuttonedituptothetopand
thensmootheddownthefabricofthecollar.“Andsoyouknow,”hesaid.“Ifyouwearashortskirt,you
shouldkeepyourtopmodest.Asalady,itwillmakeyoulookmoreelegant.”

Hiseyesweregentleandhelookedup.IknewIwasblushing.Hissmilewassocasualandconfident.

Ifeltlikeanidiotnearhim.

“Shallwegoin?”heasked.Heheldopenthedoorforme.
“Thankyou,”Isaid.“Idon’tmeantokeepyou.”
“It’sfine,”hesaid.“Iwasheadedinthisdirectionanyway.
The room was an inner office. There were orange cloth covered chairs, all occupied, and a long

orange counter at the far side of the room. There were two secretaries on the other side of the counter.
Theywerebusytakingpapersfromstudentsandtalkingtothem.

“Whydon’tyoucomewithme?”Dr.Greensaid.“I’llletyoucutthroughthisline.”
Iswallowed,swingingmyeyesaround,hopingtheotherstudentsintheroomdidn’thear.Itfeltwrong

to bypass. Dr. Green went to a door on the other side of the room and he turned and waited for me. I
didn’t have much choice I guess. He was so nice to me. There was no reason for me to turn down his
offer.

SilasandVictormustbemad,Ithought.Therewasnowaytheycouldfollowmenow.

M

R.

B

LACKBOURNE

I

followed Dr. Green through a series of small hallways with a shaggy orange carpet and painted

white bricks. The hallway was dim as there weren’t any windows and only half of the overhead
fluorescentlightswereturnedon.Mostofthedoorswepassedwereclosed,lookingeerilyuntouched.He
stoppedatanunmarkeddoorandgaveitagentleknockbeforeopening.

Insidewasaninnerofficewithadoublesetofbrown,faux-woodofficedesksfacingeachother.Each

hadacomputerandseveralstacksofpaperspiledneatlyinbrownplasticbins.Therewereacoupleof
filecabinetsinthecornersandacorkboardnailedtothefarwall,withacalendarandsomeothernotes
tacked to it. There was a small radio sitting on top of one of the file cabinets. A violin concerto was
playingonalowvolume.

AtthedeskagainstthefarwallsatamanwholookedsimilarinageasDr.Green.Hiseyeswerea

steelgray,hisskinpalelikemine.Hishairwasasoftbrown,cutshortandbrushedbackawayfromhis
face.HeworeblackrimmedglassesthatweresimilarinstyletoKota’s.Hisfacewasangledinaway
thathecouldhavebeenamodel.Hishandsweresmooth,perfect.Hislipswerepursedashelookedup.
Hescowledatus.ThiswasnotthetypeofpersonIeverwantedtodisappoint.Hiseyesaloneboreinto
meinawaythatmademeshiverthroughmycore.Hewasasperfectandascoldasapolisheddiamond.

“Dr.Green,”hesaidsharply.“Youdon’thavetoknock.Thisisyouroffice,too,now.”
“Sorry,”Dr.Greensaid,smilingathimandtakingaseatattheseconddesk.Theofficechaircreaked,

biting my ears. “Old habit when I see a shut door. Never want to surprise anyone. Besides, the offices
herearesosmall.Ifanyonewerestandingbehindthedoor,I’dhitthem.”

Themanacrossthedeskfrownedandfocusedonme.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
“Oh,thisisMissSangSorenson,”Dr.Greenraisedahandtowardmeandthengesturedtowardthe

manatthedesk.“MissSang,thisisMr.Blackbourne.”

Thenamecaughtinmymind.CoulditbethesameoneVictorhaddeletedfrommyphone?“Hello,”I

saidsoftly,dippingmyheadinapolitenod.

Mr.Blackbourne’ssharpeyessettledovermyoutfitandthenatmyface.“That’swonderful.Nowwhy

areyouhere?”

“I am assisting her with getting registered,” Dr. Green said. He reached for the paper in my hands.

“ShallIhelpyou?”

“Sheshouldbeoutsidewiththeotherstudents,”warnedMr.Blackbourne.Heswunghiseyesatme.

“Couldn’tyouwaitinline?”

“She’s perfectly capable of doing so,” Dr. Green said, shaking his computer mouse to warm up the

sleepingmonitor.“ButshehadaruninwithMr.McCoy.Ididn’twantagoodstudenttobescaredaway
becauseofhim.”

“Hm,”Mr.Blackbournechuffed.
“IhopeI’mnotdisturbingyou,”Isaid,castingmyeyestothefloor,feelingcompletelyawkward.
Mr.Blackbournesaidnothingbutturnedawayfrommeandwentbacktowhathewasdoingwiththe

papersinhishands,fillingthemout.

“What have we here?” Dr. Green looked over the paper in his hand. “Now, I can’t understand this.

Whyarealltheseclassescrossedout?

“Well,” I said, fiddling with one of the buttons on my blouse. “When I first filled it out, I picked

classesthatIdidn’trealizewerereservedforupperclassmen.Andthenthesecondsetsomewerecrossed
outbecausethecounselorsaidIcouldn’thavemorethantwoAPclasses.”

Dr.Greenmadeaface,twistinghislipsandlookingapologetic.“Howawful.Doesshenotassume

youcoulddoit?”

Ishruggedalittle.“ShejustkeptsayingIwasn’tallowed.”
“Whyhavetheclassesupifyouaren’tgoingtoletstudentsinthem?Itellyou,what’swrongwiththis

school?”Heturnedbacktome.“Whatwereyouroriginalchoices?”

IopenedthenotebookIhad,removingthepaperwhereKotahadwrittenmychoicesforclasses.“I

couldn’ttakeJapanese,soIswitchedtothis.”

Hetiltedhishead.“Didyouwritethis?”heasked,pointingatthemasculinehandwriting.
Ishookmyhead.
“Whodid?”
Iblushed.Didheexpecttoknow?“Kota.Afriendofmine.”
Hiseyebrowsshotupandoutofthecornerofmyeye,InoticedMr.Blackbournelookingatus.
“DoyouknowKotaLee?”Mr.Blackbourneasked.
Iwasn’tsurewhatKota’slastnamewas.“Darkbrownhair?Glasses?”
Mr. Blackbourne sucked in a breath and his gaze fell on Dr. Green. They exchanged some looks. It

wassofamiliar,likehowKotaandtheotherssilentlycommunicatedtooneanother.

Dr.Greenwrotesomethingontheregistrationpaper.“Doyouthinkyoucouldhandlethis?”
HehandedthepaperbacktomeandIglancedathischoices:Japanese,APGeometry,APEnglish,AP

WorldHistory,APBiologyandtherequiredgymclass.

Mymouthdroppedopen.“HowdoIbypasstherestriction?AndI’mnotallowedinJapaneseforat

leastanotheryear.”

Dr. Green leaned in on the desk, propped his head up with his hand, smiling. “But is that what you

want?”

Ifeltmyheartflutter.Itsoundedsochallenging.Yetatthesametime,Icouldseemyselfgettinggood

gradesinallofit.“Iwanttotry.”

Mr. Blackbourne looked up from his paperwork and scowled at Dr. Green. “Why are you causing

trouble?Youdon’tknowanythingaboutthisgirl.”

“I have a good feeling.” He held out his hand for the paper and then put it on his desk, signing his

name.“Besides,whoisgoingtotellmeno?”

Iblinkedathim.Thiswasreallyhappening?
Mr.Blackbourneglowered,displeased.
Dr. Green started typing and clicking at his computer. I wondered how they seemed to know Kota.

ThishadtobethesameMr.Blackbournethattheboysweretryingtokeepsecretbefore.CouldIaskthem
aboutthislater?Myeyesdriftedaroundtheroom.Aviolinmelodystartedupontheradio.Mytoetapped
toit,tryingtorememberthenameofthesong.

Mr.Blackbourneturnedtome,bringingafingertothecornerofhisglassesandshovingthemuphis

nose.“Doyouknowthissong?”

HisquestioncaughtmebysurprisebutInodded.“It’sthesongabouttheswallow,isn’tit?”
Henodded,aneyebrowgoingup.
“Butit’stheversionbyMicarelli,isn’tit?”
“Howdoyouknowit’sher?”
“Well,she’sgotthisstyle.Sheplayssoft.It’shardtoexplainbutit’sdifferentthanotherviolinists.I

reallylikeit.”

There was as spot on his mouth on the right hand side that turned up. It was only a millimeter of a

difference but it was all his face required before the sternness in his face disappeared and he seemed
pleased.Whenhedid,hisfacewasbeautiful.Iwouldalmostsellmysoul,woulddoanythingtokeepthat
pleasedexpressiononhisface.“Doyouliketheviolin?”

Ifiddledwiththebuttonofmyblouseagain.“Ido.Ilikethepiano,too.IthinkifIhadtopickjustone

tolearnthough,theviolinwouldbemyfirstchoice.”

He fell quiet, looking me over. The moment stretched out. His eyes seemed to be calling out to me,

asking things of me that I had no idea how to respond. No matter how much I wanted to flit my eyes
aroundtheroomtobreakthetension,thestrengthinhisstarefrozemetothespot.

“WouldyoukindlyhandoverMissSorenson’sregistrationpaper,Dr.Green,”hecommanded.

Sevenclasses.IwalkedoutoftheofficewithareceiptcopyofalloftheclassesIwouldbetakingfor

thefollowingschoolyearatthisnewhighschool.Seven.

“Moststudentswouldhavehadastudyhall,”Mr.Blackbourneexplainedafterheadjustedmyclass

listonhiscomputer.“It’sworkedintoastudent’sschedule.Youwon’thaveone.”Hesignedmypaperto
officializetheadditionandDr.Greentookitbacktohaveitfiledproperly.

Iwasgoingtohaveabusyyear.
Ifollowedthecorridoronmywaybackthroughtothefrontoftheofficeareaandoutintothehallway.

Thecrowdshaddieddownabit.Moststudentswerealreadyregistered,theywerejusttakingatour.I
hadnoideawheretheguyswere.

I found the main hallway and then the glass double doors that led to the open air courtyard. The

courtyardwasreallyasquarepatchofflatgrassinthemiddleoftheschoolwithstonebenchesscattered
strategicallyandafewsmalltrees.Iheldthenotebooktomychest,lookingaround.

I spotted Silas’s and North’s heads across the garden to the left. They were all standing in a circle

together. I tiptoed across the grass. Voices were raised in a heated debate. As I got closer, I held back
behindSilaswheretheycouldn’tseeme.Ididn’twanttointerrupt,mostlyoutofcuriosity.

“Schoolhadn’tstartedyetandwealreadylosther,”Lukesaid.“Thisisterrible.”
“ShewalkedawaywithDr.Green.Wedidn’thaveachoicebuttobackoff,”Victorsaid.“Wewere

goingtogetfoundout.”

“Thisisbad,”Kotasaid.“Noonetoldthemabouther,right?”
Therewasachorusof“no”.
Nathanspokeup,“Butwhydon’twetellthem?Whydon’twetellher?”
“Maybethiswasn’tagoodidea,”Kotasaid.Itwasthefirsttimehesoundeddoubtful.Itsurprisedme.

Whatweretheytalkingabout?Itwasn’tagoodideatobecomemyfriend?

“Howarewegoingtohideitfromherforever?”Gabrielasked.
“Sheneedsus,”Victorsaid,hisbaritonevoicedroppinganoctave.
“Wecan’ttakeineverystraydogwecomeacross,”Nathanreplied.
Myhandfellovermyheartandfrommymouthescapedagasp.Islappedahandovermymouthbutit

wastoolate.Northturnedandspottedme.

“Sang,”hesaid,hiseyeswideopen.Hereachedouttomewithahand,hisfingersspreadoutasifhe

wantedtograbatme.

I shook my head, taking a couple of steps back. It was hard to breathe or think. The others turned,

lookingatme,theircheeksallflushingtothesamebrightredandtheyallfroze.Iturnedawayfromthem,
walkingtothedoor.

“Wait,comeback!”Kotacalledbehindme.
Iopenedthedoortothemainhallway,runningblindlythroughthecrowdsofpeopleuntilIwasoutin

theparkinglot.

Theunwanteddog.

***

I had to suck it in until my dad drove us home. When we got there, I locked myself into my room,

turningoffthelight.Mypillowquicklybecamesoakedwithtears.

They weren’t friends with me because they wanted me. They were sorry for me. They saw my

weirdness.Theygotaglimpseofmyfamily.Nowtheyfeltobligatedtobenicetome.Theconversation
theyhadinthecourtyardIkeptreplayinginmymind.Myheartburnedfromthehumiliation.Apoordogto
feelpityon!

Iheardthevibrationofthephoneintheattic.ItwashardtohearunlessIheldmybreath.Overtime,I

got familiar with what was a text message and which was a phone call. From what I could hear, there
werenolessthantwentymessagesandoveradozenattemptstocall.

Icouldn’tbringmyselftoevenlookatthething.Itdisgustedmethattheyhadwastedtheirmoneyon

someonetheydidn’tevenwantintheirgroup.Whatweretheythinking?Wasitamusingtothemtohave
mehangingaround?WasIsomeonetheylaughedatwhenIwasn’tthere?

Andwhycouldn’tIstopthinkingabouthowaffectionatelytheyhadtouchedme?Orthewaytheireyes

looked at me? Over and over again, I saw Luke’s happiness as he daydreamed about the diner in the
chapel, of North’s smile after the ride on his bike. I thought of Victor’s purchase of Winter, and Silas
holdingmetohisbody,ofGabrieldoingmyhair,Nathan’sshirt,andKota’shandsasheheldmine.

HownaivecouldIhavebeen?Ididn’tcatchtheirannoyancesordispleasure.HowcouldIhave?They

were so nice. They were only pretending. Maybe my mother was right. Being alone and ignoring the
outsideworldwaseasiertohandle.

IdreamedIranfromastrangerIcouldn'tseeandintoanabandonedhouse.Icoweredunderthe

windowsashelookedinsideandsoughtmeout.Iwasn'tsureifhewouldhurtme,butIwasafraidif
hesawme,hewouldseewhoIreallywas.Itscaredmetodeaththathemightseeme.Ididn'twanthim
toknow.

Thatnight,whenthephonefinallysilencedandthehousewasstill,Idriftedinandoutofsleep.When

thenightmarewasover,itwastwoam.Ishookoffthedream.ItrattledmemorethananyotherIhadthat
week.Istoodupfrommybedinthedark.Ihadapreciseplaninmind.Iftheydidn’tlikethisstraydog,I
wouldn’tforcemyselfonthem.IwouldneverstaywhereIwasunwanted.

IfoundNathan’sshirtanddugoutthephoneandthecord.Inthedarkness,Itiptoedmywaydownthe

backstairsandcreptthroughthehouseuntilIwasatthesidedoor.Iopeneditandwalkedoutintothe
nightair.

My heart was beating so rapidly, I felt I needed to sink to the ground in order to breath. I willed

myselftocontinue.Iwouldgetridofthesethingsanditwouldbeover.Icouldgobacktomyusualhiding
intheshadows,pretendingtoblendintothewallatschool,neverhavingfriendsandneverbeingnormal.I
couldn’tfaceanyonelikethisandbesohumiliated.

Ihuggedtheshirtandphonetome.ItwassostrangehowonlyhoursagoIhadlovedthesethingsso

much.Theyhadmeantsomuchtome.Thefeeloftheminmyhandsnowmademychestheavy.Ididn’t
lookatthemessages.Theyhadmadethingssoclearatschool.Ididn’twanttopretendanymore.

IstoppedbyKota’shouse,first.Istoodattheendofhisdrivewayinthedark,thinkingofwhatKota’s

facewouldlooklikewhenhesawthephoneonhisfrontstep,messagesunchecked.Itfeltsocrueltodo
butIdidn’treallywanttohandittohim.Icouldn’tfaceanyofthemknowinghowtheyfelt.Itrustedthem

allwithmysecrets.NowIwasatriskforbeingridiculedatschool.Thegirlwithnovoice.Thegirlwith
crazyparents.

IcrossedKota’sdriveway.Barkingbrokethroughthesilence.Ipaused,havingforgottentomindMax.

IhopedhewouldquietdownagainsoIwaited.

Hisbarkingcontinuedforaminuteandstoppedshort.Ilookedatthefrontporch,tryingtodecideifI

shouldleavethephonethereandifIcouldgettherewithoutsettingoffthedogagain.

“Sang?”
Inearlyjumpedoutofmyskin.Fromthedarkness,Kotaappeared,comingaroundthehousefromthe

back yard. His glasses reflected in the moonlight. He was barefoot, in dark pajama pants and a light
coloredt-shirt.Inawayheappearedtobeaghost.Igulped.Itookastepbackward,readytofleedown
theroadbacktothesanctuaryofmyhousewherehecouldn’tfollow.

“Wait, Sang,” he said, and he broke into a sprint and caught up to me. He had a hand out like he

wantedtograbatmebutIsteppedbackagain.Heheldhishandsuptoshowhewasn’tgoingtoreachfor
meagainandstoodstill.“We’vebeentryingtocall.”

Iturnedonhim.Ishouldgetitoverwith.“Icametogivethisback,”Isaid,unabletokeepmyvoice

fromshaking.Iheldoutthecellphonetohim.

He kept his hands to his sides. “I don’t want that,” he said softly. “Please, Sang. You don’t

understand.”

“What’stheretounderstand?”Isaid.Mythoughtsraced.ItwasamazingtomethatImanagedtospeak

atall.Mybodyshookthroughtomybones,coldandempty.“Youguysdon’tneedmehangingaround.Iget
it.That’sfine.Ijustwishyouwouldhavetoldme.”

“Wedidn’tsaythat,”hesaid.Icouldn’tseehiseyesbecauseoftheglintinhisglasses,buthismouth

wasfrowning.“Youmisheardus.”

“I’mnotastraydog,”Isaid,myvoicerising.IhuggedNathan’sshirttomelikeashield,andatthe

sametimeIwasdisgustedwithit.“Ifyoudidn’twanttobefriends,allyouhadtodowassayso.Icango
home right now. It doesn’t have to be ugly. We’ll just pretend we don’t know each other. I’m pretty
comfortablewithbeingignored.”Iheldthephoneoutwithonehandawayfrommybodyandletgo.In
thatmoment,Iwantedittobreak.Ifeltbroken.

Kota’shandshotout,catchingitintheair.Hislongfingerswrappedaroundthepinkcase.
“Nexttime,stopbeingsonice.”Isniffled,unabletoholdinmysobbingthatIhadthoughtIhaddried

outonearlier.

“Sang...”Hisvoicewaslow,barelyaboveawhisper.Hislipsmovedalittlebutnowordscameout.
Iturnedawayfromhim,sprintingtowardtheroad.Whywashedoingthistome?Whywon’thejust

saythanksforbringingthephoneback?Thanksfornottakingthissopersonally?Thanksforgivingusan
outwhenweweretoocowardlytotellyouthetruth?Thatyouwereanunexpectedburden?

“Sang!”hecalledout.Iheardhisfootstepsbehindme.ItriedtooutrunhimbuthewasfasterthanI

was.Hereachedout,grabbedmyarm.Iswiveledonmyfeet,almostfalling.

Hecaughtme,hisarmscirclingaroundmyback.Hehuggedmeclosetohim,hisbodywarmingmine.

His fingertips massaged along my spine, soothing and strong. I was breathless, a mess from sobbing. I
liftedafist,intendingtostrikeouttohimbutIstopped.Hewashuggingmesotightly,suchanintimate
touch.

“I’mnotlettinggo,”hesaid.“Notuntilyouhearmeout.”
I’dneverfeltsuchathingbefore.Notthis.Notatruehugthatmeanttomakemefeelbetter.IfIcried

infrontofmyparents,theytoldmetogotomyroomandonlycomeoutwhenIgotovermyself.Ipressed
my head to his chest, and my tears dampened his shirt. I could hear his own heart beating back as
powerfulasmyown.Wispsfromhisbreathtickledmyhair.Myfingerssmoothedoutoverthematerialof
hist-shirt.Howcouldthisfeellikehemeantitandbealieatthesametime?

Westoodsilentlyasheheldmeforseveralminutes.Ibreathedinthatnowfamiliarspicyscent.His

fingers stroked at my back, massaging in small circles against my muscles. I felt his face move and his
breathslippednearmyear,warmingthelobe.Kota.Themostcalm.Theleader.ThefirstoneI’dmet.A
weekagoIwasastrangerhisdogranover.Herehewasnowinthismomentdoingsomethingmyown
parentsneverdid.

“Sang,” he whispered softly into my ear. He swallowed and rubbed a palm against my back. “You

trusteduswithyourownsecrets.Ionlywishwecouldtellyouours.”

“Kota...”
Hepulledback,movinghishandsupslowlyuntilhewascuppingmyfaceandIwaslookingintohis

green eyes. His tender gaze held me with such affection that I felt my breath escape. “You’re amazing,
Sang.EversinceImetyou,youneveronceaskedaboutthestrangethingsyousawwithus,evenwhenI
couldseeitinyoureyesthatyouwantedtoask.Theotherscouldseeit,too.Youstuckwithus.You’reso
sweetandconsiderate.Wedon’twantyoutoleave.”

Myliptrembled.“ButNathan...”
“WasquotingMr.Blackbourne,”hesaid.“Youmisheardhim.Weoncetriedtobringanotherguyinto

thegroupbuthefoundustobetoooddandheleft.Mr.Blackbournewarnedusthatweshouldbemore
selective about who we bring in.” His thumb crossed my cheek, wiping away a tear. “It was Mr.
Blackbourne’swords.NotNathan’s.”

“Butwhysayit?”
“Nathanwastryingtoreminduswhathewouldsay.Hedidn’tmeanitagainstyou.Itwasawarningto

usthatMr.Blackbournewouldn’tbehappy.”

“Withme?”
“Withbringingyouintothegroup.”Hedroppedhishandsfrommyfacetomyshoulders.“We’renot

justfriends,”hesaid.“We’re...complicated.”

Mymindwasacompletemesstryingtounderstandhim.Inmystressedstate,Icouldn’tfocusonwhat

hewastryingtotellme.HeconfirmedheknewMr.Blackbourne.Thatwasasecretbefore.Whydidit
needtobe?“Whatdoyoumean?”

“We’re not really normal students,” he said. ”We go to a different school. A private school.” He

smiledsoftly.“Onlythisyear,we’reattendingthepublicschool.We’reonloanfromtheAcademy.”

“What’stheAcademy?”
“It’sourschool.Well,officiallynowwe’repartofthepublicsystem.Butwe’llalwaysbelongtothe

Academy.”

Somethingofwhathewassayingclickedinmyhead.“Dr.GreenandMr.Blackbourne,too?”
“They'reourprofessors.They’reinchargeofus.Thisyearwe’vesetupsomethingdifferent,kindof

likeanexchangeprogram.Theytakeusintothepublicschool.Wesetanexampleforotherstudentsand
observeandDr.GreenandMr.Blackbournetakeschargeofpartoftheclassroomstohelpchangepartof
thecurriculum.It’stohelptheschoolgetmorefundingsotheycanimprovethings.There’salittlemoreto
itbutlikeIsaid,it’scomplicated.Andclassified.”

Theybroughtinsevenkidsandtwoteacherstoaschoolwithovertwothousandstudents?Whydid

thatneedtobeasecret?Itdidn’tmakesense.Still,maybethiswassomethingIdidn’tquiteunderstandor
thattheydidn’twantmeto.MaybewhenIwasn’tsodistraught,itwouldmakesensetome.Ireachedwith
bothhandstomyfacetorubthelastoftearsawayfrommyeyes.“Youdidn’twanttotellme?”

Hislipspursedforamomentandhishandlifteduptobrushastrandofhairawayfrommycheek.“I

wantedtotellyou,”hesaid.“Weweren’treallysupposedtotellanyone.We’resupposedtoblendinbut
not really get close to anyone. We didn’t want to risk being overheard or noticed when we had to do
somethingfortheAcademy.”

“Butthenwhydidyouwanttobefriends?Imeanwhybringmeintothegroupnow?”

He smiled then, letting go of me and standing back. “Why would you want to be friends with us?

We’renotexactlynormal.WhenIfirstmetyou,Ithoughtyou’dassumewewereweirdandwouldback
off. You stayed. You didn’t even have to say it. I could see it in your face. You’re such an open book,
Sang.Andoncetheothersmetyou...well...thatwasit.Theyallagreedtheywantedtotry.”

“Youallsoundedunsurebackattheschool.”
Henodded,rubbingahandthroughhishair.“Wecan’ttellyoueverything.We’vebeentoldtonever

tellanyoneandwedidn’twantyoutofindout.Wethoughtitwasunfairtoyoutobewithuswhenyou
didn’tknowwhatyouweregettinginto.It’snotthatwewouldn’ttrustyounottotellanyone...”

Ishookmyhead.“Iwouldn’t.”
“I didn’t think you would,” he said. “But it isn’t just us. The Academy requires strict confidence.

Somethingwemightaccidentallysliptoyou,ifitgotoutitcoulddamagetheschool.Ifyoudidn’tknow,
youcouldn’tsayanything.Weshouldhavetrustedyouatleasttowarnyou.Youshouldknowwhoyou’re
mixinginwith.”Hesuckedinabreathandthenblewitoutbetweenhislips.“I’msorryaboutthat.Iwant
you with us. The others want you with us. We have to ask you the biggest favor in exchange. We’re
requiredbytheAcademytokeepsomesecrets.Youcan’taskustotellyou.Couldyoustaywithusevenif
youknewwewerekeepingsomethingfromyou?”

We stood in the street together. My eyes drifted to the quiet houses, where people were sleeping. I

couldseeNathan’shomenotfaraway,alightstillonsomewhere.Kota’slookedsosilent,too.HowoddI
feltaboutitnow.Iwantedtobelongtothisplace.Iwantedtofitin.HowIlongedtobenormalandhereI
waswithguyswhoIthoughtwereexactlythat,onlytolearnthatIwascompletelywrong.Inmymind,I
triedtothinkbackaboutwhathewouldconsiderweird.Wasitthattheirpersonalitiesweresodifferent
and yet they still hung out with each other? Was it that secret way they communicated? Was it how
coordinatedtheywerewhenitcametoeverything?Ididn’tdislikeit.Whatpossiblesecretcouldaschool
askabunchofteenagerstokeep.WhydidKotamakeitsoundsodangerous?

“Willyoustay?”Kotaaskedsoftly.
WhatelsecouldIdo?ThiswaswhereIlived.Theboys,despitetheconfusion,hadbeensoniceto

me. They weren’t normal. They weren’t what I was expecting. Why did it just seem like such a natural
thing to be around them? Flashes went through my mind of their touches, their smiles and the way they
talked to me. Maybe they had secrets. Didn’t I have a few? Could I turn them away for being different
whenIwasaskingthemthesame?

Asoftsmiletouchedmylips.Whydidthisfeeldifferentthanwhenhehadoriginallyaskedmetobe

his friend? Somehow this felt like just the beginning and I didn't fully understand it. I wanted to try,
though.Iwantedtoknow.“I’llstay,”Isaid.“AslongasI’mwanted.”

Hislipscurledintoagentlesmile.“Always.”
“Kota?”avoicecalledfromuptheroad.WeturnedtoseeNathanjogginguptous.Hewasbarefoot

andnoshirt,justapairofshorts.Heslowedwhenhesawme.“Sang?”

Howdidheknowwewereouthere?Istartedshakingagain.I’dignoredthemallevening.Theymust

beupset.

NathanclosedthespacebetweenusandIthoughthewasgoingtosaysomething.Instead,hereached

his arms around me and brought me close to him, as Kota had done, in a big hug. I smiled, feeling his
strongarmsaroundme.Friendshug,Ithought.Getusedtoit.

Heliftedmeupoffthegrounduntilmytoesdangled.“I’msorry,Sang,”hesaid.“Ididn’tmeanit.”
“Iknow,”Ibreathedout,unabletogetafullamountofairinmylungsashewassqueezingmesotight.

“Kotaexplainedit.It’sokay.”

“I’mjustreallysorry,”hesaid.Hisbodyshudderedandheputmedown.Hisseriousfacelockedon

mine.“Don’tbemad.”

IlookedatKota,pleadingwithmyeyesforhelpexplaining.

Kotasmiledatme,knowingexactlywhatIneeded.“Let’sgoinside,”hesaid.“Sang,willyouspend

thenightagain?”

Nathan’smouthfellopen.“What?Shespentthenightwithyou?”

Anhourlater,IwaswearingapairofKota’spajamapantsandNathan'sshirt,lyingawakeinKota's

room,inhisbed.Nathanwasintheroll-awaybedandKotawasinasleepingbagonthefloor.Kotahad
sentaquicktexttothegrouplettingtheothersknowwhereIwasandthateverythingwasokay.

TherepliesbackwerenumerousbutKotatoldthemalltocomebyinthemorning.
“Wehavealottotalkabout,”Kotasaidtomeasherelaxedonhissideonthefloor.“I’msureyou

havequestions.Ican’tpromiseIcananswerthemall.”

Ididhavealottoask.TheAcademymadethemkeepsecrets.Theywerebestfriends.IfIwantedto

be a part of it, to get them to trust me, I had to earn it. I wanted to know their secrets. I wanted to be
acceptedasoneofthem.

Itcouldwaitthough.
Ihadfriendsthatwantedme.Fornow,itwasenough.

~A~

Update Re port:

SilasKorba:Enrolled
LucianTaylor:Enrolled
NorthTaylor:Enrolled
DakotaLee:Enrolled
VictorMorgan:Enrolled
GabrielColeman:Enrolled
NathanGriffin:Enrolled

NotesfromGreen

Enrolledwithoutahitch!PrincipalHendricksagainthankedusforourparticipation.Camerasaresetupsecurelyinvariousclassrooms,in

thehallwaysandwithintheinneroffices.StilltryingtoinsertonewithMr.McCoy’soffice.

Further note: I’ll be taking on an additional student to my experimental Japanese class for the school. Have the secretary prepare a

dossierforaMissSangSorenson.

NotesfromBlackbourne

PleasehavethesecretarysendacopyofthesearchresultsofSangSorensontome.Nothingfurthertoreport.

T

HE

E

ND

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EADER

M

ondaymorninginAugustinSouthCarolinawasuncomfortablyscorching.Iwasgratefulforthe

shadeofthefrontporchandthesweetcoolnessoftheconcreteonmybarelegs.Istareddownthe
mailbox,urgingthepostmantohurry.

Itwasthedaybeforethebeginningofschool.Ihadanunusualaffinityforclassroomsandhomework

andbeingamongotherpeoplemyownage.ItmeantIcouldwatchhowtheyinteractedandtryto
understandreality,normalcy.

Thisyearwouldbedifferent.
Awasphoveredinthehydrangeabushesalongthefrontoftheporch.Iduckedmyheadasitflewpast

myearandbeyondtowardtheneighbor’syard.

Themailman’struckmeandereduptothebox.ThemomentstickedbyandIcouldseehimfiddling

withacollectionofenvelopesthroughthewindow.Icrouchedbelowthebarrieroftheporchandoutof
sight.Ipreppedmykneestogetreadytorun.

Theglassdoorswungopenbehindme.“Isthatthemail?”Marieasked.Myoldersistersteppedouton

totheporch.Herangulareyessquintedatthecrispmorningsunlight.Herbrownhairwaspulledbackinto
aponytailthathungatherneckandthestrandsreachingdownmidwayonherback.Hert-shirtadvertised
amarathonshe’dneverparticipatedin.Herjeanswerelong,coveringmostofherfeetexceptforhertoes.

Icouldn’tunderstandhowshecouldwearsomuchclothing,butIdidn’treallyexpecthertostay

outsideforlong.Ithoughtofhowdifferentwelooked.Ihaddirtyblondhair,orchameleonhairas
Gabriellikedtoremindme.Hesaiditchangedcolordependingonthelighting.Withmycutoffbluejean
shortsandathinpinkblouse,Iwasbarelytoleratingthehumidity.

Iturnedagaintorefocusonthemailman.Icouldstillmakeit.
Inthatinstant,themailmanpulledawayfromthemailboxforthenextonedownthestreet.
Iflewoffthetopoftheporchstairs,landinghardonthesmallsidewalkpaththatwoundaroundthe

houseandsprintedacrosstheyard.IwashalfwayacrossbeforeMariemanagedtomakeitofftheporch.
WhenitwasclearIwasgoingtogettherefirst,shestoppedherpursuit.

Ipulledoutallthemail,shufflingthroughbillsandjunkmailtofindanenvelopewithmynameonit.

TheorangeemblemofAshleyWatersHighSchoolwasprintedinthecorner.Iheldontoit,crossingthe
yardataslowerpace.MyheartwaspoundingfromboththerunningandthethrillofwhatIheldinmy
hands.Anewschool,afreshstart,andthistimeIhadanadvantage.Thisyear,Iwouldn’tbealone.

“Handitover,”Mariesaid,meetingmehalfwayintheyard.
Iremovedmyenvelopeoutofthepileandgavehertherest.Shetooktheclusterofmailandheaded

backintothehouse.Ifshehadgottentoitfirst,shewouldhavekeptmyenvelopeandmorethanlikely
givenittoourmotherandIwouldhavehadtofightwithhertogetitback.

Iremainedintheyard,waitingformysistertodisappear.Whenthefrontdoorclosedbehindher,I

spunonmybarefeetandsprinteddownthestreettoKota’shouse.

Icouldn’tletmysisterknowwhereIwasgoing.Myfamilycouldn’tlearnmysecret.Notyet.

Theboyswerewaitingforme.

Kota’sblackrimmedglasseswereslidingdownhisnosealittleashewascheckingthemail.Icalled

tohimfromuptheroad.Helookedupandwavedtome,pushinghisglassesuphisnosewithhis
forefinger,maskinghisexquisitegreeneyes.“Didyougetit?”heasked.

DakotaLeeandIhaveatenderfriendship.Randomlyaweekagohebroughtmeintohiscircleof

friends.ItwashowIcametolearnabouttheAcademy,thesecretschooltheyheldloyaltiesto.Theonly
problemwasIdidn’tknowathingaboutitandIwasn’tallowedtoaskquestions.Iwasgoingtokeepthis
promiseforthesakeofourfriendshipandforwhatKotasaidwasmyownsafety.Thereweredangers
aroundthemtowhichIwasn’tawareof.Isimplyhadtohavefaithwhentheytoldmetotrustthem.It
seemedsurrealtomebutIkeptmymouthshutandIkeptmyeyesopen,hopingtogleanovertimethe
answerstothequestionsthatbuzzedthroughmyheadeverytimetheysharedaglanceorwhispered
somethingaroundme.Theyweremyfirstfriends.Myonlyfriends.WhatelsecouldIdo?

Iheldupmyenvelope.“Anyoneelse?”Iasked.
“I’mstillwaitingtohearfromVictorandGabriel.They’reheadingoverassoonasVictorconfirms.”

Heflickedthroughthemailinhishands,pullingoutanenvelopesimilartotheoneIheldonmyhands.

“Hey!”Therewasashoutfromupthestreet.Nathanjoggedtowardus.Hewaswearingdarkrunning

pantsandaredtankshirtwithaNikeswooshonthefront.Iadmiredthewayhisbicepsflexedasheheld
uphisenvelope.“Let’scheckthemout.”

Kotatiltedhisheadtowardthegarage,invitingustofollow.Weenteredthehousethroughtheside

doorinthegarage.Kotadroppedtherestofthemailoffinabinnearthekitchen.Nathanheldopenadoor
inthehallway,revealingasetofbluecarpetedstairs.Nathanheldhishandout,usheringmetoenter.I
paddedmywayupthestepstotheroomoverthegarage,Kota’sbedroom.

Nathandroppedontohiskneesonthebluecarpetandstartedtoripopenhisenvelope.Isatcross-

leggednexttohim,doingthesame.Kotawenttohisdesk,grabbingasilverletteropenerfromhisdesk
setandcutthroughhisenvelope,unfoldingtheprintoutinside.

IswallowedasIreadmyschedulefortheupcomingyear.

HomeroomRoom135
APEnglish-Trailer10-Ms.Johnson
APGeometry-Room220-Ms.Smith
Violin-MusicRoomB-Mr.Blackbourne
APWorldHistory-Trailer32-Mr.Morris
Lunch
APBiology-Room107B-Mr.Gerald
Japanese-Room212-Dr.Green
Gym-Gymnasium-Mrs.French

Sevenclasses.Barelyroomtobreathe.Nowlookingatitandthinkingaheadtotheupcomingyear,it

seemedoverwhelming.Maybeithadbeenamistaketobesoenthusiasticaboutthis.

“What’swrong,Sang?”Nathanasked.Hisheadtiltedinmydirection,arustybrowneyebrowarching.
Ipursedmylips,twistingthemslightly.“Iwasjustwonderingifthiswasagoodidea.”
Kotalookedupfromhispaper,comingovertokneelnexttomeandsittingbackonhisheelsonthe

floor.“MayIsee?”

Ihandedittohim.Ourfingersbrushedashetookitfrommyhandsbuthedidn’tseemtonotice.None

ofthemeverseemedtonoticetouchingasmuchasIdid.Iftheygrabbedmyhandorbumpedmyhip,they

passeditoffasifitwerenothing.Comingfromafamilythatnevertouched,therewasalottogetusedto
aroundmynewfriends.

Kota’seyesscannedmyschedule,readingoffthelistunderhisbreath.
Nathangotup,peeringoverKota’sshoulder.“Holyshit,”hesaid.“How’dyougetseven?”
“Shedoesn’thaveastudyhall.”Kotapointedtothepaper,liftedabrowandthenlookedupatme.

“HowdidyougetintotheJapaneseclass?WhendidyoumeetMr.Blackbourne?”

Nathan’seyeswidenedinsurpriseandlookedatme,waitingformetorespond.
Iblushed.Aftereverythingthathappened,I’dforgottentotellthem.“I...wellwhenDr.Greenstopped

meinthehallatregistration,hebroughtmetohisoffice.Mr.Blackbournewasinthere.Theyadjustedmy
schedule.”

NathanandKotasharedalookbetweenthem.TheonlythingIcaughtwasNathan’seyesnarrowing.

Didtheynotlikethis?Itwashardtounderstandtheirexpressions.

“What?”Iasked.“Iknowit’salotbutyousaidtheyweretheretohelpouttheschool.Isitbadthey

changedit?”

“No,itisn’tbad,”Kotasaid,maybealittletooquickly.“Didyouhappentomentionusatthetime?”
Ipushedmyforefingertomylowerlip,pushingittowardmyteeth.“ImighthavesaidsomethinglikeI

knewyou,Kota.Ididn’tsayanythingabouttheothers.Dr.Greenrecognizedyourhandwritingonmy
paper.”

“Ididn’tknowMr.Blackbournewasteachingaclass,”Nathansaid.
“Idon’tthinkitwaspre-planned,”Kotasaid.Hehookedacoupleoffingersintothecollarofhisshirt

andtugged.

“What’swrong?”Iasked.Thewaytheywerereactingtothismademyheartshiver.“Mr.Blackbourne

askedifIwasinterestedandheofferedtoteachme.ShouldIdroptheclass?”

“It’sjustoddthathe’dtakeaninterest,”Nathansaid.
“Notfully,”Kotasaid,relaxingintoasmile.Hehandedmyschedulebacktome.“It’sfine.Heknows

whathe’sdoing.Ifhewantstoteachyou,you’reingoodhands.”

LasttimeMr.Blackbournewasmentioned,theydiverted.Nowtheyseemednervous.Theymaynot

havevoicedtheiropinion,butIgotthefeelingtheydidn’twantMr.Blackbournetoknowaboutme,orme
aboutMr.Blackbourne.Academysecrets.Iscannedmyschedule.“I’llstillshareclasseswithyouall,
right?

“You’reinmyEnglishclass,”Kotasaid.
Nathanmovedclosertomeandheldhispapernexttomine.HewascloseenoughthatIwasbreathing

inthescentofcypressandleather.Itriedtofocusandcompare.

“Justgeometryandgym,”Isaid.“Butingymtheboysandgirlsseparatedaren’tthey?”
“We’llmixupsometimes,Ibet.Besides,we’reallinthesamegym.I’llwavetoyou.Maybe.”
Kota’sphonerangonhisdeskandheansweredit.Afterafewminuteshehungup.“Allschedulesare

accountedfor.They’reheadinginnow.”

Nathan’sblueeyeslockedwithmine.HisreddishbrownhairwasalittlemusedbutIfoundittobe

charming.Hegrumbled.“Andsoitstarts...”

IusedKota’srestroomastheguyswentdownstairstowaitontheothers.Iadjustedmycutoffblue

jeanshortsalittleloweronmyhipsandpressedmyhandstosmoothoutmyblouse,pullingoutthelower
hemsothelengthfelloverthepocketsofmyshorts.Ikeptreadjustingthebuttonsonmyblouse,buttoning
andunbuttoningthecollartofigureoutwhatlookedbetter.TherewerethinspotsinthematerialandIwas
suremyfatherboughtitatausedclothingshop.Theguysalwayslookedsogood.Isimplycouldn’t

compare.IwascombingmyfingersquicklythroughmyhairwhenIheardacarrollingintothedrive.I
threwmyhairintoatwistandclippedit.Notimetofiddlewithit.Theboyswerehere.

Irandownstairsandoutintothelivingroom.Kotaheldopenthefrontdoor,pushinghisglassesuphis

nose.InalinecameVictor,Luke,Gabriel,NorthandSilas.Whiletheywerealldressedcasually,casual
fortheguyswasadifferentlevel.Poloshirts,cleanslacks,buttonupshirtswithcollars.Everything
lookednewandIspiedHilfigerandAbercrombielogos.Itmademefeellikeacompleteslobinmyold
things.Ishiftedonmyfeetonthebluecarpetofthelivingroom,myhandsgoingbehindmyhipstohide
anynervousshaking.

TheothersgreetedKotaandNathaninthehallway.Silaswasthefirsttospotme.Locksofhisblack

hairhungaroundhiseyesandhebrusheditaside,smilingatme.Hecameclose,toweringovermeand
pulledfromhisbackpockethisenvelope.“Heylook,theyletmein.”

Igiggled.Hissmilewidened,hiscleanwhiteteethacontrasttohisoliveskin.
WecollectedinKota’slivingroom.Isatinthemiddleofthecouch.North,dressedinblackwitha

singlegoldhoopearring,sattomyleft,Gabrielwearingabrightorangeshirtandbluecrystalstudsinhis
ears,sattomyright.Theircontrastingstyleshadmeglancingfromonetotheother,ponderinghowthey
managedtostayfriendswhentheyseemedsodifferent.Theotherssatonthefloorinacirclefacingus.It
feltstrangetobehigherupthaneveryoneelsebuttheydidn’tseemtonotice.

IblushedasNorthcasuallyputanarmbehindmyshouldersagainstthecouchcushions.Ipeekedupat

histanface.HisdarkeyescaughtminequicklyandIglancedaway.WhileIknewhewouldn’thurtme,his
eyesweresointenseithadmyinsidesvibrating.

“Ivotewegetbeanbagchairs,”Lukesaid.HemighthavebeenNorth’sstepbrother,butLuke’slong

blondhairlooselyhungaroundhisshoulders,andhissmilewaswarmandalwaysreadytolaugh.He
leanedbackonhishandsashesatwithhislegscrossedonthefloor.“Ifwe’regoingtohavemeetings
here,weneedsomethingbesidesthefloor.”

“We’reworkingonthat,”Kotasaid.
North’sfingerstracedsmallcirclesatmyshoulder.Iglancedattheotherstoseeiftheynoticedbut

theywerewatchingKota.Itriednottoblush.Thiswasnormal,right?Itoldmyselfhewasjustbeing
friendlyandwilledmyhearttostill.

“Nowthatwehaveschedules,let’sstartatthebeginning,”Kotasaid,gettingtheattentionofeveryone

intheroomquickly.“Orrather,let’sstartwithgettingthere.”

“I’vegotGabriel,”saidVictor,fiddlingwiththesilvermedallionathisneck.
“We’regood,”Northsaid.“LukeandIcangrabSilas.”
“Good.Logically,I’lltakeNathanandSang,”Kotasaid.
“Youmeanonthebus?”Iasked.Theyalllookedatme.Ifeltmycheeksradiatingheat.“ImeanIdon’t

thinkIcouldgetawaywithridingtoschoolwithanyone.IfI’mnotgettingonthebus,mysisterwillknow
andshe’dtellmyparents.”

“Aw,shit,”Nathansaid.“Ididn’tthinkaboutthat.Don’ttellmewe’reridingthisyear.”
Iheldupmyhandtowardhim.“Youdon’thaveto.ImeanIcanridethebus.Youguyscanride

together.It’snobigdeal.I’lljustseeyouwhenIgetthere.”

Thegroupexchangedglances.IcaughtLuke’sgazeashestaredatme,hisblondhairfallinginfrontof

hisdarkeyes.Iwasn’tsureifherealizedhewasdoingitormaybehewasjuststaringoutintospacebut
happenedtobelookinginmydirection.Whenhecameback,hestartedblinkinghisbrowneyesandheld
adazzlingsmiling.Hisstrikingfacehaddistractedmefromwatchingtheothers.Didhedothaton
purpose?

“It’snotabigdeal,”Nathansaid,fallingbackonthecarpet,puttinghishandsbehindhisheadtoprop

itup.“We’lldoit.”

“But,”Istartedtosay.Itjustseemedtoounfair.Itwasn’tabigdealtome.Itwasjustabusride.
Kotacutmeoff.“No,it’sfine.Mycarisn’ttotallyreliableanyway.We’llride.”
Ipursedmylips.Hiseasyexcusetomakemefeelbetterleftmefeelinguneasy.Theotherssimply

nodded,takingKota’slead.WhenKotafinalizedaplan,everyonewentthroughwithit.Itwashardforme
tobelievetheguywhoappearedtobeoneoftheleastaggressive;theleastlikelyleaderhadcometothe
rolehehaddeveloped.

“Butthatbringsustoanotherissue,”Kotasaid.Hisfingersbrushedawaytheneatly-trimmedbrown

hairagainsthisforehead.“Weneedtoworkongettingyourparentsusedtous.It’llbedifficultbutthe
soonerwefindaway,it’llmakeiteasieronallofus.”

Ibitmytonguetokeepfromsayingsomething.I’dtoldhimbeforeIlikedthewaythingswereworking

now.Myfatherdidn’tcomehomeuntilverylateintheevening,oftenwellaftereightwhenIwasalready
upinmyroomandIdidn’tseehimatall.Mymother,whowasill,keptmostlytoherroom.Icheckedin
onceadayandforthemostpart,Icouldescapeoutside.IfshedidaskwhereIhadgone,Iwouldrattleoff
differentthings;inthewoods,thegarage,takingawalktotheemptychurchdowntheroad.Inourold
neighborhoodbackinIllinois,Ioftentookwalksoutside.Sincetheclosestkidlivedacoupleofmiles
away,mymothereventuallyrelaxedtoletmewalkinthewoodsnearthehouse.Marietoldmethey
boughtournewhousehereonSunnyvaleCourtbecauseitwastheleastcrowdedstreetwithinanhour’s
driveofwheremydadworked.Itwasalastminutepurchaseandmymotherwasn’thappyaboutit,butit
didhavealotofwoodedareas.Sofar,shehadn’tquestionedmygoingforwalks.Sheonlyremindedme
thatIshouldn’ttalktoanyone.Mymomwouldeventuallyrealizehowmanykidswereonthisstreet.I
didn’twanttothinkabouttherestrictionsshewouldimposeonceshefoundout.Ineededtobemore
careful,though.Ihadtoshowupmorearoundthehouseonoccasion.

Gabrielreachedouttomyhead,rubbingatmyhair.Iheldbackfromcringingoutoffear.Ienjoyed

theirtouchesbuttheywerealwayssounexpectedandwhentheydiditquickly,myfirstreactionwas
usuallytobackupasIwasalwayssuretheydidn’tmeantooritwasanaccident.“Don’tworry,”hesaid,
histhinfingersmassagingmyscalp.“We’vegotaplan.”HeletgoofmeandturnedhisheadtoKota.
“We’vegotaplan,right?”

Kotabrushedhisownfingersthroughhishair“IstillthinkweoughttocallonDanielle.Ifwecanget

themtobefriends,shecouldinviteDanielleover.Hermothermightgetusedtoanothergirlbeingover
thereeasierandwecouldslowlystartshowingup.”

Therewasacollectivegroan.
“Isshethatbad?”Iasked.
“Yup,”Northsaid,hisvoicedeep.Hisfingersstoppedthegentlemotionatmyshoulderandsimply

restedagainstme.Itwasn’texactlythathehadhisarmaroundme.Itjustfeltliketwofingerstouchingme.
Ikepttellingmyselftocooloff.Wouldmyheartalwayspoundsomucharoundthem?

“She’satypicalgirl,”Nathantriedtoexplain.“Shethinkswe’reallabunchofnerds.”
Gabrielnudgedmyarmwithhisandleanedintometostagewhispernearmyear,“Nathanusedto

haveacrushonher.”

“Fuck,no,Ididn’t.”
“Sheusedtogoovertohishouse,”Gabrielcontinued.“Onedayshetriedtogethimtoskinnydipin

thepool.Whenherefused,shegotpissedandtoldeveryonehewasgayforawhile.”

“LikeIgiveashitwhatshethinks,”hesaid,buthefrownedandrolledontohissideonthecarpet,

coveringhiseyeswithanarm.“Canwenottalkaboutthisrightnow?”

Kotaclearedhisthroat.“Well,maybesomethingelsewillcomeup.”Hepulledouthisscheduleand

unfoldedthepaper.“Areweready?”

Ittookagoodhourbetweenustogetorganized.Mostofthattimewastakenupbygeneraltalking

amongtheguysandKotahadtoremindthemwhattheyweretryingtodo.Kotakeptnotesonasheetof
paper.Intheend,myownschedulewasmarkedupwithhiswriting.

HomeroomRoom135
Luke,North
APEnglish-Trailer10-Ms.Johnson
Kota,Gabriel,Luke
APGeometry-Room220-Ms.Smith
Nathan,North
Violin-MusicRoomB-Mr.Blackbourne
None
APWorldHistory-Trailer32-Mr.Morris
Victor,North
Lunch
APBiology-Room107B-Mr.Gerald
Silas
Japanese-Room212-Dr.Green
Victor
Gym-Gymnasium-Mrs.French
Gabriel,Nathan

Itseemedeveryonewasineachother’sclasses,exceptfortheirspecialelectivesandKota’sadvanced

scienceandmathclasses.IconsidereditunrealbutIwonderedifpartofthereasonwasbecausethey
werefromtheAcademy.DidMr.BlackbourneandDr.Greenfixtheirschedules,too?

Bythetimewehaditsortedout,Iwassittingonthefloor,leaningagainstthecouch.Gabrielmoved

acrosstheroomandwastalkingtoLuke.Northstretchedoutonthecouch.Iwasquietlyreviewingmy
scheduleagainwhenoutofthecornerofmyeye,IcaughtVictorscootingovertositnexttome.

“IalreadyknowalittleJapanese,”Victorsaid.Hesatwithhislegscrossedandhiskneegrazedmine.

Thefireinhiseyesflickered.“It’sactuallyprettyeasytospeakit.”

ItiltedmyheadasIlookedathim,tryingtoignorehiskneepressingagainstmine.“Howdidyougetin

thisclass?Ithoughtitwasforupperclassmen?IhadtogetspecialpermissionfromDr.Green.”

“Whodoyouthinkletmeintohisclass?”Hesmiledatme.“He’dletanyoneiniftheyasked,actually.”
Thatconfirmedthings.IfVictor’sschedulewasaltered,theothersweremostlikelydoneaswell.Did

thatmeanMr.BlackbourneandDr.Greenwantedmeinthesameclassesastheboys?“Wheredidyou
learnJapanese?”

“Myparentstravelalot.TheyliketostopinJapan.”
Myeyeswidened.“I’mjealous,”Isaid.“CanyousaysomethinginJapanese?”Itwasn’tachallenge,

butgenuinecuriosityinhisability.

Asmiletouchedhislips.“Kirei-nahitomidane.”Thewayhesaiditinhisbaritonevoicemadeit

almostsoundlikeasonglyric.

“Kirei...”MylipsmovedtotrytomimicwhathesaidbutIlostithalfwaythrough.“Whatdoesit

mean?”

Thatfirelitupinhiseyesandhischeekstingedred.“I’lltellyoulater.”
Ismoothedmyfingersoverthelowerhemofmyshortsinanervousreflex.DidIasksomething

embarrassing?DiditsoundlikeIdidn’tbelievehim?IwentwithchangingthetopicsinceIdidn’twantto
sayanythingelsewrong.“Atleastwe’veallgotclassestogetherorsimilarclasses.Studyingshouldbe
easy.ExceptforKota.”

“Areyougoingtobeokay,Kota?”Northaskedbehindme.Hewasonhisside,acushionpillow

proppedupunderhishead.Helookedhalfasleep.“There’sclasseswherewewon’tseeyouforseveral
hours.”

Kotashruggedandwavedhishandintheair,dismissinghiswords.“Mostoftheseclassesareclose

togetheronthesecondfloor.Iwon’tbeinthehallwaysforverylong.”

Silashadbeencompletelyquietforalongtime,concentratingonhisschedule.Whiletheotherswere

busytalkingabouthowtogetfromoneclasstoanotherwiththetrailersbeingaproblem,Icrawledover
tohim.Hecaughtmyeyeandhepattedthespotnexttohim,indicatingIcouldmoveincloser.

“We’veonlygotoneclasstogether,”Isaid,sittingnexttohim,holdingmypapernearhis.
Heinchedover,puttinganarmbehindmewithhispalmtothefloor.Hewascloseenoughthathisarm

touchedmyback.“AtleastIgetyoutomyself,”hesaid,thecornerofhismouthliftedup.

Myfingersshookbecauseofhistouch.IputmypaperdownsoIcouldputmyhandsinmylaptohide

them.“Inaclassfullofpeople,”Isaid.

Heputhispaperinhislapandleanedbackonhishands.“Itwon’tmatterifthey’rethere.Idon’treally

talkmuch.”

“Why?”
“Notalottosay.”
“Youtalktome.”
Hereachedover,movingalockofmyhairthathadslippedawayfrommyclipandhetuckeditbehind

myear.Hisbigfingersbrushedacrossmycheekandagainstthelobeofmyear.“Youtalktome,too.”

Myheartdidflipsinmychest.
TherewasaknockatKota’sdoor.Allofuslookedupatthesametimetowardoneanother.
“Itcan’tbethemailman,”Kotasaid,hisbrowscreasing.Hegotupoffthefloor.Ashewalkedaround

metowardthedoor,hedroppedapalmontopofmyhead,pushingslightlytomakemyheadbobdown.I
lookedupjustintimetocatchhisgrinbeforeheleftthelivingroom.Igrinnedback.Itwasnicetofeel
wanted.Itriedtotellmyselfagainthattouchingwasnormalamongfriends.Theymightbefriendswitha
lotofsecrets,buttheywerenormalintheirbehavior,right?Havingmissedoutonthisforsolong,Iwas
simplyunusedtotheattention.Didanyoneevergetoverthisfeelingorwasthisflutteringnervousness
somethingtheyfeltallthetime?

ItwasonlyaminutebeforeKotareturned,wealllookedupathimexpectantly.Helookedpale.
“Kota?”Lukesaid.“What?Whowasit?”
“It’syoursister,”Kotasaidandheturnedtome.“Youroldersister.She’saskingforyou.”
Myheartstopped.Howdidshefindout?HowdidsheknowIwashere?Myhandflutteredtothebase

ofmythroatandIleaptup.Ididn’twanthercomingin.ItwouldbebadenoughsheknewIwasatKota’s.
Itwouldbeworseifsheknewthereweresevenguyshere.

Silascaughtmyotherhand,lookingupatmefromthefloor.“Areyougoingtobeokay?”heasked,

givingmyhandagentlesqueeze.

Ishruggedmyshouldersandtriedtokeepmyexpressioncalm.Isqueezedhishandback.“Don’t

worry.It’llbefine.”AfterthelasttimewhenmymotherhadreactedbadlywhenSilascalled,Ididn’t
wanttoscarehimwithwhatwasgoingthroughmymindthenastowhatshewoulddotome.Iwastoo
terrifiednowtobenervousthathewasholdingmyhand.

“Wouldyoursistersayyouwerehere?”Kotaasked,pushinghisglassesuponhisfaceagainevenafter

theywerealreadyadjusted.Ihadthefeelingitwaswhathedidwhenhewasthinking.

“Maybe,”Isaid.“Itmightrequirenegotiations.”TheyalllookedconfusedandIwavedmyhandto

them,takingthepaperthathadmyscheduleandputtingitinmypocket.“Ihavetogocalmthewaters.I

mightnotbebacktoday.”

“Becareful,”Silassaid.Hesqueezedmyhandagainbeforelettinggo.Theotherslookedlikethey

wantedtosaysomethingbutnoonedid.Northwassittinguponthecouch,hishandsclenched.Nathan
staredatthefloor.Gabriel,LukeandVictorbetweenKotaandI,asifwaitingforeitherofustotellthem
whattodo.

Kotawalkedwithmetothedoorandtheothersstayedbehind.Iwantedtosaysomethingmoretothem

buttherewasn’tmuchelsetosay.ThiswasfarbeyondwhatIwaspreparedtohandleatthemoment.

Outside,Mariewaswaitingonthesteps.Herhandswereinherjeanpocketsandshewaslooking

impatientandsweating.Isteppedoutontotheporch.Kotahadhishandgentlyrubbingatmybackonthe
wayoutandpulleditawaybeforeMariecouldcatchit.Theinstanthishandmoved,Ifeltataloss.His
touchwashelpingmetofeelbrave.

IsteppedawayfromthedoorandgaveKotaasmallwave.Hewavedback,lookingsympathetic.He

saidnothingbutgavemealookthatforonceIunderstood.HewantedwordfrommethemomentIcould
findaway.

“Momwantsyoutogohome,”MariesaidafterKotaclosedthefrontdoor.“She’sbeenaskingforyou

foracoupleofhoursnow.”

“HowdidyouknowIwashere?”
“Itookaguess,”shesaid.
Iwasfuminginside,angryatmyselfforbeingsoreckless.Shemusthaveseenmefromthehouse.

“DoesmomknowIwashere?”

Marieshrugged.Thatdidn’tmeanshedidn’tknow.Itwasherwayofsayingshewasn’tgoingtotell

me.Thiswasbad.IfMariehadgottenintotroublewithsomething,shecouldhaveusedherknowledgeof
whereIwastotrytogetherselfoutofapunishment.Itoftenworked.

Wegotbacktothehouseandenteredthroughthesidegaragedoor.Assoonaswewerestandinginthe

livingroom,Iheardmymom’svoiceringingthroughthehouse.

“Sang!Comeherenow!”Theangerandpowerradiatedthroughhertoneanditfeltlikethehousewas

shakingaroundme.ItwasallIneededtohear.Shekneweverything.

Mariefiledoffpastmeandheadedtowardthestairs.Shewasgettingoutoftheway.Iwasgoingto

facethispartalone.

ABOUTC.L.STONE

Ce rtification

MarvelourofWonder

ActiveParticipantofScarySituations

OfficialMemberofF.A.M.E.

Expe rie nce
Spent an extraordinary number of years with absolutely no control over the capping of imagination, fun, and curiosity. Willingly takes part in
impossibleproblemsonlytocomeupwiththemostludicroussolution.Duetounfortunatecircumstances,willnolongerexperiencefeelingona
smallspotonmyleftcalf.

Skills
Secret Keeper | Occasion Riser | Barefoot Walker Strange Acceptance | Magic Maker | Restless Reckless | Gravity Defiant | Fairy Tale
Reader|StoryMaker-Upper|AmusinglyBaffled|ComprehensiveCuriousness|UsuallyUnbelievable