Victorcollectedmeinhisarms.Mybodytrembled.Iwantedtobebraveandstandupbutmy

bodywouldn’tallowit.Iswallowedbacktears.Iwasashamed.I’dbeenstupid.Icouldn’thelp
GabrielevenwhenIwantedto.Imadeitworse.

Hepressedmeclosetohisbody,hischeekmeetingmine.
“Victor,”Iwhispered,findingmylipsnearhisearandtracingathisskin.Iwasunabletospeak

louder.Nowthatitwasover,Iwasawreck.

Victorshudderedagainstme.Hebentdown,hisarmgoingundermythighsandhepickedmeup

offthefloor.Myfaceburiedintohisshoulder.Iwasworriedabouttheothersbuttooafraidtolookat
them.

Victorheldme,notasking,notjudging.Hesimplyheldon,hischeekpressedtomyforehead.
“Sang,”Gabrielwhispered.Iopenedmyeyesandturnedmyfacetowardhisvoice.Blood

trickledfromhisnoseandhischeekwaspuffy.Hishandsoughtoutmineandhesqueezedit.

Kotawasnexttohim,lookingoverhisshoulder.Bloodstainedtheshoulderofhiswhiteshirt.His

tiewasflungoverhisshoulder.Hislipsweretaunt,hiseyesdark.“Let’sgethertoDr.Green.”

TheAcademy

FirstDays

YearOne

BookTwo

WrittenbyC.L.Stone

Publishedby

ArcatoPublishing

.

Copyright©2012C.L.Stone

http://aclstone.tumblr.com/

PublishedbyArcatoPublishing

http://www.arcatopublishing.com

Allrightsreserved.
ISBN:1481814915
ISBN-13:978-1481814911
Thisbookisaworkoffictionandanyresemblancetopersons,livingordead,orplaces,eventsor
localesispurelycoincidental.Thecharactersareproductionsoftheauthor’simaginationandused
fictitiously.

OtherBooksByC.L.Stone

SmokingGun

SpiceGod

FromTheAcademySeries:

Introductions

FirstDays

Friendsvs.Family

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Forthereal“Mike”,whoaskedmerepeatedlytomarryhimbeforeknowingmyname.

.

M

onday

F

OLLOWING

T

HE

L

EADER

A

ugustinSouthCarolinawasscorching.Iwasgratefulfortheshadeofthefrontporchandthesweet

coolnessoftheconcreteonmybarelegs.Istareddownthemailbox,urgingthepostmantohurry.

Itwasthedaybeforethebeginningofschool.Ihadanunusualaffinityforclassroomsandhomework

and being among other people my own age. It meant I could watch how they interacted and try to
understandreality,normalcy.

Thisyearwouldbedifferent.
Awasphoveredinthehydrangeabushesalongthefrontporch.Iduckedmyheadasitflewpastmy

ear.Itflitteredtotheneighbor’syard.

The mailman’s truck meandered up to the box. The moments ticked by and I could see him fiddling

withacollectionofenvelopesthroughthewindow.Icrouchedbelowthebarrieroftheporch,outofsight.
Ipreppedmykneestogetreadytorun.

Theglassdoorswungopenbehindme.“Isthatthemail?”Marieasked.Myoldersistersteppedouton

totheporch.Herangulareyessquintedatthecrispmorningsunlight.Herbrownhairwaspulledbackinto
a ponytail that hung at her neck, reaching midway on her back. Her t-shirt advertised a marathon she’d
neverparticipatedin.Herjeanshunglowonherhips,andcoveredherfeet.

Ididn’tunderstandhowshecouldwearheavyjeansinthisheat,butIdidn’treallyexpecthertostay

outside for long. With my cut off blue jean shorts and a thin pink blouse, I was barely tolerating the
humidity. I had dirty blond hair, or chameleon hair as Gabriel liked to remind me. He said it changed
color depending on the lighting. With green eyes and since I was shorter, about the only thing similar
betweenmysisterandIwereourlastnames.

Iturnedagaintorefocusonthemailman.Icouldstillmakeit.
Themailmanpulledawayfromthemailboxforthenextonedownthestreet.
Iflewoffthetopoftheporchstairs,landinghardonthesmallsidewalkpaththatwoundaroundthe

house.Isprintedacrosstheyard.IwashalfwayacrossbeforeMariemanagedtomakeitofftheporch.
WhenitwasclearIwasgoingtogettherefirst,shestoppedherpursuit.

Ihauledoutallofthemail,shufflingthroughbillsandadvertisementflyerstofindanenvelopewithmy

nameonit.TheorangeemblemofAshleyWatersHighSchoolwasprintedinthecorner.Iheldontoit,
crossingtheyardataslowerpace.MyheartwaspoundingfromboththerunningandthethrillofwhatI
heldinmyhands.Anewschool,afreshstart,andthistimeIhadanadvantage.Thisyear,Iwouldn’tbe
alone.

“Handitover,”Mariesaid,meetingmehalfwayintheyard.
Iremovedmyenvelopeoutofthepileandgavehertherest.Shetooktheclusterofmailandheaded

backintothehouse.Ifshehadgottentoitfirst,shewouldhavekeptmyenvelopeandmorethanlikely
givenittoourmother.Iwouldhavehadtofightwithhertogetitback.

I remained in the yard, waiting for my sister to disappear. When the front door closed behind her, I

spunonmybarefeetandsprinteddownthestreettoKota’shouse.

Icouldn’tletmysisterknowwhereIwasgoing.Myfamilycouldn’tlearnmysecret.Notyet.
Theboyswerewaitingforme.

Kota’sblackrimmedglassessliddownhisnoseashewascheckingthemail.Icalledtohimfromup

theroad.Helookedupandwavedtome,pushinghisglassesuphisnosewithhisforefinger,maskinghis
exquisitegreeneyes.“Didyougetit,Sang?”heasked.

DakotaLeeandIhaveatenderfriendship.Aweekago,hebroughtmeintohiscircleoffriends.Itwas

howIcametolearnabouttheAcademy,thesecretschooltheyheldloyaltiesto.TheonlyproblemwasI
didn’tknowathingaboutitandIwasn’tallowedtoaskquestions.Iwasgoingtokeepthispromisefor
thesakeofourfriendshipandforwhatKotasaidwasmyownsafety.Thereweredangersaroundthemto
whichIwasn’tawareof.Ihadtohavefaithwhentheytoldmetotrustthem.ItseemedsurrealtomebutI
keptmymouthshutandIkeptmyeyesopen,hopingtogleanovertimetheanswerstothequestionsthat
buzzedthroughmyheadeverytimetheysharedaglanceorwhisperedsomethingaroundme.Theywere
myfirstfriends--myonlyfriends.WhatelsecouldIdo?

Iheldupmyenvelope.“Anyoneelse?”Iasked.
“I’mstillwaitingtohearfromVictorandGabriel.They’reheadingoverassoonasVictorconfirms.”

Heflickedthroughthemailinhishands,singlingoutasimilarenvelope.

“Hey!”Nathanshoutedandjoggedtowardusfromupthestreet.Heworedarkrunningpantsandared

tank shirt with a Nike swoosh on the front. I admired the way his biceps flexed as he held up his
envelope.“Let’scheckthemout.”

WefollowedKotathroughthesidedoorinthegarage.Kotadroppedtherestofthemailoffinabin

nearthekitchen.Nathanheldopenadoorinthehallway,revealingasetofbluecarpetedstairs.Nathan
heldhishandout,usheringmetoenter.Ipaddedmywayupthestepstotheroomoverthegarage,Kota’s
bedroom.

Nathan dropped onto his knees on the blue carpet and started to rip open his envelope. I sat cross-

leggednexttohim,doingthesame.Kotawenttohisdesk,grabbingasilverletteropenerandcutthrough
hisenvelope,unfoldingtheprintoutinside.

IswallowedasIreadmyschedulefortheupcomingyear.

HomeroomRoom135
APEnglish-Trailer10-Ms.Johnson
APGeometry-Room220-Ms.Smith
Violin-MusicRoomB-Mr.Blackbourne
APWorldHistory-Trailer32-Mr.Morris
Lunch
APBiology-Room107B-Mr.Gerald
Japanese-Room212-Dr.Green
Gym-Gymnasium-Mrs.French

Sevenclasses.Barelyroomtobreathe.Thinkingaheadtotheupcomingyear,itseemedoverwhelming.

Maybeithadbeenamistaketobesoenthusiasticaboutthis.

“What’swrong,Sang?”Nathanasked.Hisheadtiltedinmydirection,arustybrowneyebrowarching.
Ipursedmylips,twistingthemslightly.“Iwasjustwonderingifthiswasagoodidea.”
Kotakneltnexttome,sittingbackonhisheelsonthefloor.“MayIsee?”
Ihandedittohim.Ourfingersbrushedashetookitfrommyhandsbuthedidn’tseemtonotice.None

ofthemeverseemedtonoticetouchingasmuchasIdid.Iftheygrabbedmyhandorbumpedmyhip,they

passeditoffasifitwerenothing.Comingfromafamilythatnevertouched,thiswasalottogetused.

Kota’seyesscannedmyschedule,readingoffthelistunderhisbreath.
NathanpeeredoverKota’sshoulder.“Holyshit,”hesaid.“How’dyougetseven?”
“Shedoesn’thaveastudyhall.”Kotafocusedonme.“HowdidyougetintotheJapaneseclass?When

didyoumeetMr.Blackbourne?”

Nathan’seyeswidened,awaitingthesameanswer.
I blushed. I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten to tell them. “When Dr. Green stopped me in the hall at

registration,hebroughtmetohisoffice.Mr.Blackbournewasinthere.Theyadjustedmyschedule.”

NathanandKotasharedalookbetweenthem.TheonlythingIcaughtwasNathan’seyesnarrowing.

Didtheynotlikethis?

“What?”Iasked.“Iknowit’salotbutyousaidtheyweretheretohelpouttheschool.Isitbadthey

changedit?”

“No,itisn’tbad,”Kotasaid,maybealittletooquickly.“Didyouhappentomentionusatthetime?”
Igrazedmyforefingeracrossmylowerlip,pushingittowardmyteeth.“Imighthavesaidsomething

likeIknewyou,Kota.Ididn’tsayanythingabouttheothers.Dr.Greenrecognizedyourhandwritingon
mypaper.”

“Ididn’tknowMr.Blackbournewasteachingaclass,”Nathansaid.
“Idon’tthinkitwaspre-planned,”Kotasaid.Hehookedacoupleoffingersintothecollarofhisshirt

andtugged.

“What’swrong?”Iasked.Thewaytheywerereactingtothismademyheartshiver.“Mr.Blackbourne

askedifIwasinterestedandheofferedtoteachme.ShouldIdroptheclass?”

“It’sjustoddthathe’dtakeaninterest,”Nathansaid.
“Maybenot,”Kotasaid,relaxingintoasmile.Hehandedmyschedulebacktome.“It’sfine.Heknows

whathe’sdoing.Ifhewantstoteachyou,you’reingoodhands.”

Last time Mr. Blackbourne was mentioned, they diverted. Now they seemed nervous. They may not

havevoicedtheiropinion,butIgotthefeelingtheydidn’twantMr.Blackbournetoknowaboutme,orme
aboutMr.Blackbourne.Academysecrets.Iscannedmyschedule,hopingtochangethesubject.“I’llstill
shareclasseswithyouall,right?

“You’reinmyEnglishclass,”Kotasaid.
Nathanmovedclosertomeandheldhispapernexttomine.
“Justgeometryandgym,”Isaid.“Butingymtheboysandgirlsareseparatedaren’tthey?”
“We’llmixupsometimes,Ibet.Besides,we’reallinthesamegym.I’llwavetoyou.Maybe.”
Kota’sphonerangonhisdeskandheansweredit.Afterafewminuteshehungup.“Allschedulesare

accountedfor.They’reheadinginnow.”

Nathan’sblueeyeslockedwithmine.Hegrumbled.“Andsoitstarts...”

IusedKota’srestroomastheguyswentdownstairstowaitontheothers.Ismoothedoutmyblouse,

pullingoutthelowerhemsothelengthfelloverthepocketsofmyshorts.Ibuttonedandunbuttonedthe
collar to figure out what looked better. There were thin spots in the material and I was sure my father
boughtitatausedclothingshop.

IwascombingmyfingersthroughmyhairwhenIheardacarrollingintothedrive.Ithrewmyhair

intoatwistandclippedit.Notimetofiddlewithit.Theboyswerehere.

Irandownstairsandoutintothelivingroom.Kotaheldopenthefrontdoor,pushinghisglassesuphis

nose.InalinecameVictor,Luke,Gabriel,NorthandSilas.Whiletheywerealldressedcasually,casual
for the guys was a different level. Polo shirts, clean slacks, button up shirts with collars. Everything

lookednewandIspiedHilfiger,Abercrombie,GucciandArmanilogos.Itmademefeellikeacomplete
slobinmyoldthings.Ishiftedonmyfeetonthebluecarpetofthelivingroom,myhandsgoingbehindmy
hipstohideanynervousshaking.

TheothersgreetedKotaandNathaninthehallway.Silaswasthefirsttospotme.Locksofhisblack

hairhungaroundhiseyesandhebrusheditaside,smilingatme.Hecameclose,toweringovermeand
pulledfromhisbackpockethisenvelope.“Heylook,theyletmein.”

Igiggled.Hissmilewidened,hiscleanwhiteteethacontrasttohisoliveskin.
We collected in Kota’s living room. I sat in the middle of the couch. North, dressed in black with a

singlegoldhoopearring,sattomyleft.Gabrielwearingabrightorangeshirtandbluecrystalstudsinhis
ears,sattomyright.Theircontrastingstyleshadmeglancingfromonetotheother,ponderinghowthey
managedtostayfriendswhentheyseemedsodifferent.Theotherssatonthefloorinacirclefacingus.It
feltstrangetobehigherupthaneveryoneelsebuttheydidn’tseemtonotice.

IblushedasNorthcasuallyputanarmbehindmyshouldersagainstthecouchcushions.Ipeekedupat

histanface.HisdarkeyescaughtmineandIglancedaway.WhileIknewhewouldn’thurtme,hiseyes
weresointenseithadmyinsidesvibrating.

“Ivotewegetbeanbagchairs,”Lukesaid.Heshovedlocksofhislongblondhairbehindhisear.He

leanedbackonhishandsashesatwithhislegscrossedonthefloor.“Ifwe’regoingtohavemeetings
here,weneedsomethingbesidesthefloor.”

“We’reworkingonthat,”Kotasaid.
North’s fingers traced small circles at my shoulder. I glanced at the others to see if they noticed but

they were watching Kota. I tried not to blush. This was normal, right? I told myself he was just being
friendlyandwilledmyhearttostill.

“Nowthatwehaveschedules,let’sstartatthebeginning,”Kotasaid,gettingtheattentionofeveryone

intheroom.“Orrather,let’sstartwithgettingthere.”

“I’vegotGabriel,”Victorsaid,fiddlingwiththesilvermedallionathisneck.
“We’regood,”Northsaid.“LukeandIcangrabSilas.”
“Good.Logically,I’lltakeNathanandSang,”Kotasaid.
“Youmeanonthebus?”Iasked.Theyalllookedatme.Mycheeksradiatedheat.“ImeanIdon’tthink

Icouldgetawaywithridingtoschoolwithanyone.IfI’mnotgettingonthebus,mysisterwillknowand
she’dtellmyparents.”

“Aw,shit,”Nathansaid.“Ididn’tthinkaboutthat.Don’ttellmewe’reridingthisyear.”
“Youdon’thaveto.ImeanIcanridethebus.Youguyscanridetogether.It’snobigdeal.I’lljustsee

youwhenIgetthere.”

Thegroupexchangedglances.IcaughtLuke’sgazeashestaredatme,hisblondhairfallinginfrontof

hisdarkeyes.Iwasn’tsureifherealizedhewasdoingitormaybehewasjuststaringoutintospacebut
happened to be looking in my direction. When he came back, he started blinking and held a dazzling
smile.Hisstrikingfacedistractedmefromwatchingtheothers.Didhedothatonpurpose?

“It’snotabigdeal,”Nathansaid,fallingbackonthecarpet,puttinghishandsbehindhisheadtoprop

itup.“We’lldoit.”

“But,”Istartedtosay.Itjustseemedtoounfair.Itwasn’tabigdealtome.Itwasjustabusride.
Kotacutmeoff.“No,it’sfine.Mycarisn’ttotallyreliableanyway.We’llride.”
I pursed my lips. His easy excuse to make me feel better left me feeling uneasy instead. The others

nodded,takingKota’slead.WhenKotafinalizedaplan,everyonewentthroughwithit.Itwashardforme
tobelievetheguywhoappearedtobeoneoftheleastaggressive;theleastlikelyleaderhadcometothe
rolehehaddeveloped.

“Butthatbringsustoanotherissue,”Kotasaid.Hisfingersbrushedawaytheneatly-trimmedbrown

hair against his forehead. “We need to work on getting your parents used to us. It’ll be difficult but the
soonerwefindaway,it’llmakeiteasieronallofus.”

Ibitmytonguetokeepfromsayingsomething.I’dtoldhimbeforeIlikedthewaythingswereworking

now.Myfatherdidn’tcomehomeuntilverylateintheevening,oftenwellaftereightwhenIwasalready
upinmyroomandIdidn’tseehimatall.

Mymother,whowasill,keptmostlytoherroom.Icheckedinonceadayandforthemostpart,Icould

escape outside. If she did ask where I had gone, I would rattle off different things; in the woods, the
garage,takingawalktotheemptychurchdowntheroad.InouroldneighborhoodbackinIllinois,Ioften
tookwalksoutside.Atouroldhouse,theclosestkidlivedacoupleofmilesaway.Despitevoicingher
opinion about bad people out in the world, I couldn’t stay inside all day, and my mother eventually
relaxedenoughtoallowmetotakewalks.

MarietoldmetheyboughtournewhousehereonSunnyvaleCourtbecauseitwastheleastcrowded

street within an hour’s drive of where my dad worked. It was a last minute purchase and my mother
wasn’thappyaboutit,butitdidhavealotofwoodedareas.

Sofar,mymotherhadn’tquestionedmeaboutgoingforwalks.SheonlyremindedmethatIshouldn’t

talktoanyone.Mymomwouldeventuallyrealizehowmanykidswereonthisstreet.Ididn’twanttothink
abouttherestrictionsshewouldimposeonceshefoundout.Ineededtobemorecareful,though.Ihadto
showupmorearoundthehouseonoccasion.

Gabrielreachedouttomyhead,rubbingatmyhair.Iheldbackfromflinching.Ienjoyedtheirtouches

buttheywerealwayssounexpectedandwhentheydiditquickly,myfirstreactionwasusuallytobackup
asIassumeditwasanaccident.“Don’tworry,”hesaid,hisleanfingersmassagingmyscalp.“We’vegot
aplan.”HeletgoofmeandturnedhisheadtoKota.“We’vegotaplan,right?”

Kotanodded.“IstillthinkweoughttotryaskingDanielle.Ifshewillhelp,SangcouldinviteDanielle

over.Hermothermayhaveaneasiertimeopeningupwithagirlratherthanus.”

Therewasacollectivegroan.
“Isshethatbad?”Iasked.
“Yup,” North said, his voice deep. His fingers stopped the gentle motion at my shoulder and rested

againstme.

“She’satypicalgirl,”Nathansaid.“Shethinkswe’reallabunchofnerds.”
Gabriel nudged my arm with his and leaned into me to stage whisper near my ear, “Nathan used to

haveacrushonher.”

“Fuck,no,Ididn’t.”
“Sheusedtogoovertohishouse,”Gabrielcontinued.“Onedayshetriedtogethimtoskinnydipin

thepool.Whenherefused,shegotpissedandtoldeveryonehewasgayforawhile.”

“Like I give a shit what she thinks,” he said, but he frowned and rolled onto his side on the carpet,

coveringhiseyeswithanarm.“Canwenottalkaboutthisrightnow?”

Kotaclearedhisthroat.“Well,maybesomethingelsewillcomeup.”Hehelduphisschoolschedule.

“Areweready?”

It took a good hour between us to get organized. Most of that time was taken up by general talking

amongtheguysandKotahadtoremindthemwhattheyweretryingtodo.Kotakeptnotesonasheetof
paper.Intheend,myownschedulewasmarkedupwithhiswriting.

HomeroomRoom135
Luke,North

APEnglish-Trailer10-Ms.Johnson
Kota,Gabriel,Luke
APGeometry-Room220-Ms.Smith
Nathan,North
Violin-MusicRoomB-Mr.Blackbourne
None
APWorldHistory-Trailer32-Mr.Morris
Victor,North
Lunch
APBiology-Room107B-Mr.Gerald
Silas
Japanese-Room212-Dr.Green
Victor
Gym-Gymnasium-Mrs.French
Gabriel,Nathan

Itseemedeveryonewasineachother’sclasses,exceptfortheirspecialelectivesandKota’sadvanced

science and math classes. I considered it unreal but I wondered if part of the reason was because they
werefromtheAcademy.DidMr.BlackbourneandDr.Greenfixtheirschedules,too?

Bythetimewehaditsortedout,Iwassittingonthefloor,leaningagainstthecouch.Gabrielmoved

acrosstheroomandwastalkingtoLuke.Northstretchedoutonthecouch.Iwasquietlyreviewingmy
scheduleagainwhenoutofthecornerofmyeye,IcaughtVictorscootingovertositnexttome.

“IalreadyknowalittleJapanese,”Victorsaid.Hesatwithhislegscrossedandhiskneegrazedmine.

Thefireinhiseyesflickered.“It’sactuallyprettyeasylearningtospeakit.”

Itiltedmyheadathim.“Howdidyougetinthisclass?Ithoughtitwasforupperclassmen?Ihadtoget

specialpermissionfromDr.Green.”

“Whodoyouthinkletmeintohisclass?”Hesmiledatme.“He’dletanyoneiniftheyasked,actually.”
Thatconfirmedthings.IfVictor’sschedulewasaltered,theothersweremostlikelydoneaswell.Did

thatmeanMr.BlackbourneandDr.Greenwantedmeinthesameclassesastheboys?“Wheredidyou
learnJapanese?”

“Myparentstravelalot.TheylikeJapan.”
“I’m jealous,” I said. “Can you say something in Japanese?” It wasn’t a challenge, but genuine

curiosityinhisability.

A smile touched his lips. “Kirei-na hitomidane.” The way he said it in his baritone voice made it

almostsoundlikeasonglyric.

“Kirei...” My lips moved to try to mimic what he said but I lost it half way through. “What does it

mean?”

Thatfirelitupinhiseyesandhischeekstingedred.“I’lltellyoulater.”
I smoothed my fingers over the lower hem of my shorts in a nervous reflex. Did I ask something

embarrassing?DiditsoundlikeIdidn’tbelievehim?IwentwithchangingthetopicsinceIdidn’twantto
sayanythingelsewrong.“Atleastwe’veallgotclassestogetherorsimilarclasses.Studyingshouldbe
easy.ExceptforKota.”

“Are you going to be okay, Kota?” North asked behind me. He was on his side, a cushion pillow

propped up under his head. He looked half asleep. “There are classes where we won’t see you for
severalhours.”

Kotashruggedandwavedhishandintheair,dismissinghiswords.“Mostoftheseclassesareclose

togetheronthesecondfloor.Iwon’tbeinthehallwaysforverylong.”

Silas had been completely quiet for a long time, concentrating on his schedule. The others started

talkingabouthowtogetfromoneclasstoanother,withthetrailersbeingaproblem.Icrawledoverto
Silas.Hecaughtmyeyeandhepattedthespotnexttohim,indicatingIcouldmoveincloser.

“We’veonlygotoneclasstogether,”Isaid,sittingnexttohim,holdingmypapernearhis.
Heinchedover,puttinganarmbehindmewithhispalmtothefloor.Hewascloseenoughthathisarm

touchedmyback.“AtleastIgetyoutomyself,”hesaid,thecornerofhismouthliftedup.

Myfingersshookbecauseofhistouch.IputmypaperdownsoIcouldputmyhandsinmylaptohide

them.“Inaclassfullofpeople,”Isaid.

Heputhispaperinhislapandleanedbackonhishands.“Itwon’tmatterifthey’rethere.Idon’treally

talkmuch.”

“Why?”
“Notalottosay.”
“Youtalktome.”
Hishandliftedandhecaughtalockofmyhairthathadslippedawayfrommyclip.Hetuckeditbehind

myear.“Youtalktome,too.”

Myheartflippedinmychest.
TherewasaknockatKota’sdoor.Allofuslookedupatthesametimetowardoneanother.
“Itcan’tbethemailman,”Kotasaid,hisbrowscreasing.Hegotupoffthefloor.Ashewalkedaround

metowardthedoor,hedroppedapalmontopofmyhead,pushingslightlytomakemyheadbobdown.I
lookedupjustintimetocatchhisgrinbeforeheleftthelivingroom.Igrinnedback.Itwasnicetofeel
wanted.Itriedtotellmyselfagainthattouchingwasnormalamongfriends.Theymightbefriendswitha
lotofsecrets,buttheywerenormalintheirbehavior,right?Havingmissedoutonthisforsolong,Iwas
simply unused to the attention. Did anyone ever get over this feeling or was this fluttering nervousness
somethingtheyfeltallthetime?

Kotareturnedaminutelater.Wealllookedupathimexpectantly.Helookedpale.
“Kota?”Lukesaid.“What?Whowasit?”
“It’syoursister,”Kotasaidandheturnedtome.“Youroldersister.She’saskingforyou.”
Myheartstopped.Howdidshefindout?HowdidsheknowIwashere?Myhandflutteredtothebase

ofmythroatandIleaptup.Ididn’twanthercomingin.ItwouldbebadenoughsheknewIwasatKota’s.
Itwouldbeworseifsheknewthereweresevenguyshere.

Silas caught my other hand, looking up at me from the floor. “Are you going to be okay?” he asked,

givingmyhandagentlesqueeze.

I shrugged my shoulders and tried to keep my expression calm. I squeezed his hand back. “Don’t

worry. It’ll be fine.” After the last time when my mother had reacted badly when Silas called, I didn’t
wanttoscarehim.Ididn’twanttomentionwhatwasgoingthroughmymindthenastowhatshewoulddo
tome.

“Wouldyoursistersayyouwerehere?”Kotaasked,pushinghisglassesuponhisfaceagainevenafter

theywerealreadyadjusted.Ihadthefeelingitwaswhathedidwhenhewasthinking.

“Maybe,” I said. “It might require negotiations.” They all looked confused and I waved my hand to

them,takingmyscheduleandputtingitinmypocket.“Ihavetogocalmthewaters.Imightnotbeback
today.”

“Be careful,” Silas said. He squeezed my hand again before letting go. The others looked like they

wantedtosaysomethingbutnoonedid.Northwassittinguponthecouch,hishandsclenched.Nathan
staredatthefloor.Gabriel,LukeandVictorglancedbetweenKotaandI,asifwaitingforeitherofusto
tellthemwhattodo.

Kotawalkedwithmetothedoorandtheothersstayedbehind.Iwantedtosaysomethingmoretothem

buttherewasn’tmuchelsetosay.ThiswasfarbeyondwhatIwaspreparedtohandleatthemoment.

Outside,Mariewassweatingwhileshewaitedonthesteps.Herhandswereinherjeanpocketsand

shewaslookingimpatient.Isteppedoutontotheporch.Kotahadhishandgentlyrubbingatmybackon
thewayoutandpulleditawaybeforeMariecouldcatchit.Theinstanthishandmoved,Ifeltataloss.
Histouchwashelpingmetofeelbrave.

IsteppedawayfromthedoorandgaveKotaasmallwave.Hewavedback,lookingsympathetic.He

saidnothingbutgavemealookthatforonceIunderstood.HewantedwordfrommethemomentIcould
findaway.

“Momwantsyoutogohome,”MariesaidafterKotaclosedthefrontdoor.“She’sbeenaskingforyou

foracoupleofhoursnow.”

“HowdidyouknowIwashere?”
“Itookaguess,”shesaid.
I was fuming inside, angry at myself for being so reckless. She must have seen me from the house.

“DoesmomknowIwashere?”

Marieshrugged.Thatdidn’tmeanshedidn’tknow.Itwasherwayofsayingshewasn’tgoingtotell

me.Thiswasbad.IfMariehadgottenintotroublewithsomething,shecouldhaveusedherknowledgeof
whereIwastotrytogetherselfoutofapunishment.Itoftenworked.

Wegotbacktothehouseandenteredthroughthesidegaragedoor.Assoonaswewerestandinginthe

livingroom,Iheardmymom’svoiceringingthroughthehouse.

“Sang!Comeherenow!”Theangerandpowerradiatedthroughhertoneanditfeltlikethehousewas

shakingaroundme.ItwasallIneededtohear.Shekneweverything.

Mariefiledoffpastmeandheadedtowardthestairs.Shewasgettingoutoftheway.Iwasgoingto

facethispartalone.

M

ISERY

L

OVES

I

huddled in the doorway of my parents’ bedroom. It was colder than the rest of the house. A chill

claimed my spine, despite coming in from the hot of the day. “Oh, were you calling?” I said, trying to
soundsurprised.

“Comeinhereandclosethedoor,”shesaidwithacoolseveritythatmademybonesrattle.Mymom

wassittingupinherlargefourposterbed.Herheadwasproppeduponthreeplumppillows.Herface
wasflushedandhereyesblazed.

Deathwouldhavebeengentler.
Iswallowedandtriedtostillmyheart.Therewasnothingshecouldreallydotome.Shewouldyellat

me, or make me sit on my knees for a few hours, or make me drink vinegar again and take my voice. I
knewitwouldn’tkeepmeawayfromKotaandtheothers.

Iclosedthedoorandsteppedfurtherintotheroom.Iusedthecherrywoodpostfromherbedtostand

behind,lettingitpartiallyshieldme.ItwasascloseasIdaredtogo.

“Wherehaveyoubeenthismorning?”sheasked,eachwordspokenwithprecisionandwiththatsame

suppressedrage.

“Iwashere.”
“Noyouweren’t.”Thewordsflewfromhermouth.“You’vebeengoneforhours.”
“Iwasonthefrontporch.”
“Yoursisterhadtowalkbyherselfuptoaman’shouse,”shespat.“Howdareyouleaveherewithout

permission.”

Icringed.“Ididn’tgoinforhim,”Isaidquickly,comingupwithsomethingthatcouldbeeasierforher

totake.“There’sagirl.”

“Who?”
“Jessica,” I said, thinking of Kota’s sister. “She was there and she asked me to come in. We were

talkingaboutschool.”

“Idonotcarewhatyouweretalkingabout,”shesaid,hereyesdriftedtothetelevisiononadresser

acrosstheroom.Thenewswasonbutthesoundwasmuted.Mymothershifted,sittingupfurtheronthe
bed.Hereitcomes.“Thereweremenatthathouse,too.”

“I wasn’t talking to them,” I insisted. How did she know there were multiple? Or was she just

assuming?Lyingwasn’tmystrongsuitasitwasbutovertheyearsithadbecomeanecessity.Ineededthis
toworknow.

“Theywerethere!”Sheshouted.“Youdeliberatelybroketherules.Iwon’tallowmydaughtertorun

aroundlikeawhoreinthisneighborhood.Youcouldhavebeenraped.”

“Theywon’trapepeople,”Isaid.“Youthinkeveryonewilldothat.”
“Ithappensallthetime!”Hervoicerose.Shepointedtothetelevision.“Everydaysomeoneisraped

orkilled.Youcouldhavehumiliatedthisfamily.I’vedoneallthisworktokeepyouinthishouseandyou
justwaltzouttherenoteventhinkingaboutwhatwewouldhavetogothroughifsomethinghappenedto

you.”

“But,”Igasped.Mykneesstartedshakingandmyvoicecracked.Whydidshehavetosoundlikeshe

wasmoreworriedaboutwhatshewouldhavetogothroughthanformysafety?Itwasbadenoughthatshe
constantlyremindedusofterriblethings.Wasshemoreworriedaboutusorexposingherself?

“There’s no excuse.” Her hands clenched into fists, gripping at the edge of her worn green blanket.

“I’vetoldyouoverandoveragainnottogointoastrangeplacewhereIhaven’tmet...”

ThewordsslippedfrommylipsbeforeIcouldstopthem.“Youcan’tmeetanyofthemifyounever

leaveyourroom.”

“I don’t need to. I’m telling you not to leave this yard. Don’t step a toe out of this house unless you

havemyexplicitinstructionstodoso.Idon’tcareifthehouseisonfire.Notatoe.Notahair.You’re
probablyluckyyouhaven’tbeenkidnapped.I’veseentheboysinthisneighborhoodwalkingbythehouse.
Firsttheytrickyouintogoinghomewiththem,andthenextminuteyou’retiedupinthecloset.Menare
horrible,disgustingandthey’lltrickyouiftheycan.”

“WhatdoIhavetodo,mom?”Iasked.TearsfilledmyeyesandIswallowedthickly.Ihadn’tmeantto

startthis.IwantedonlytogetmyselfthroughheryellingsoIcouldgetuptomyroom.Icouldn’tstandto
hearhersaysuchnastythingsaboutKotaandtheothers.Imaynothaveknownthemlong,butIknewin
myhearttheywouldn’thurtme.“We’renotallowedtoinvitepeopleoversoyoucanmeetthem.Wecan’t
get you to go see anyone because you won’t go see anyone you don’t know. There are nice people out
there.”

“Youdon’tknow--”
“HowcouldI?We’reprisonershere!”
“Stop it!” she screamed. She slapped her hand against the bed. “I won’t have you yelling at me and

tellingmewhattodo.I’mthemother.I’mincharge.You’lldoasIsay.”Shepoundedherhandagainstthe
bedrepeatedlywitheverypointshemade.Sheheavedherselftostandup,herbreathraggedasifshe’d
beenrunning.Shemarchedtothedoorofherbedroom.“Followme.”

I trailed behind her. She stopped in the foyer, her bare feet smacking against the hard wood. Here it

was.Iwouldbespendinghoursonmykneesagain.Icoulddealwiththat.

“Standrightthereanddon’tmove,”shesaid,pointingtothefloor.Shedisappeareddownthehallway.

Iflexedmykneesinpreparation,wonderingwhatshewasdoing.Whydidn’tsheaskmetokneel?

Shecamebackfromthekitchenwithabagofriceinherhands.Iwasconfused.Didsheexpectmeto

eatit?

Sheopenedthebagandshesprinkledthericeontothefloornearthecorner.“Now,kneelontherice.”
What was this? Out of habit over the years, I sank to my knees. The rice bit into my skin as I knelt

againsttheground.Iunderstoodthen.Itwasmuchworsethanabarefloor.Eachgrainfeltlikeatinycut,
onlyitdidn’tbreaktheskin.Iperformedakowtow,tryingtolookhumble.

“Stay,”shespatatme.“Don’tyoumoveorbreatheoreventhink.Whenyourfathergetshome,we’ll

discussanappropriatepunishment.”

Iturnedmyfacefromhertostareoffatthebare,white-paintedwalls.
“Ican’tbelieveyouwouldstartthisrightbeforeschool.”Hervoicecamedownfromherscreeching,

turningintoaseethingsmolderofdisgust.“It’shardenoughonme.NowIhavetodealwithyou.”

Ibitmytongue.NothingIcouldsaywouldhelp.Iswallowedbacktears.Iwouldn’tallowhertomake

mecryoverthis.Mykneeshurt,andeverymomentIwasonthatrice,itfeltlikenearglasscuttingintomy
skin.Iwouldtakeit,though.Shecouldn’tkeepmethereforever.

Theboysneverneededtoknowaboutthis.Theywouldn’tletmecomeoveriftheyknewthiswould

happeneverytime.TherewasnowayIcouldprovetoherthattheboyswerenice.Iwouldforeverhave

tosneakaround.IsimplyhadtobemorecautiouswhenIdid.IfIplanneditcarefullyenough,IwassureI
couldalmostdisappearfromthishouseandtheywouldnevermissme.Invisible,insideandout.

And I could never tell the guys what she said. Despite it all, I was protecting them from her. I was

protectingherfromthem,too.Whatshedidn’tknowwouldn’tmakehersoangry.Shecouldliveinher
smallworld.Iwouldkeepherfrommine.

Hourspassedbeforemymotherleftherroomtogotothekitchenandfoundmestillkneelingonthe

floor.Sheblinkedatme,asifshe’dforgottenwhyIwasthereandorderedmetomyroom.

Iwobbledbackupstairs.Itwasn’tthelongestamountoftimeI’dspentonmyknees,butitwasoneof

themostpainful.MykneeswerebruisedasIhadspentalotoftimereadjustingmyselfonthefloortotry
to ease the bite from the rice. I flicked out the rice embedded into my skin in the upstairs bathroom,
collectingthemtotossthemintothetrash.

Backinmyroom,Icollapsedontomybed.Iflexedmylegs,stretchingthestiffmuscles.Iturnedupthe

volume on the stereo to drown out the noises my mom made from the kitchen. When I felt I could, I
crossedtheroomtolookoutatKota’shouse,notingthecarsparkedoutfront.Iwasgladtheywereall
stillthere.Ithoughtofrunningbackbutcouldn’tstandthethoughtoflettingthemseemykneesandasking
questions.Iwasn’tsurehowIwouldhideittomorrowforschool.

Afamiliarbuzzingnoisecamefromthehalf-sizeatticdoor.Ismiled.Despiteeverything,Istillhadthe

secretphonetheboyshadgottenforme.

Idoublecheckedmybedroomdoortomakesureitwaslocked,pulledablanketfrommybed,grabbed

a book from my bookshelf, and collected the phone from the attic. I curled up on the floor near the
window.Ididn’texpecttobeinterrupted.Itwasrareifmymothereveraskedformeinthefirstplace.
Sinceshe’dalreadypunishedmetoday,shewasn’tlikelytoaskformeagainandwouldn’tcomeupstairs.
MaybeIwasbeingparanoidbutthesecretcellphonewastheonlywaytheguyscouldtalktomeifIwas
stuckinside.Iwoulddoanythingtomakesureitwasneverdiscovered.

Iopenedthebooktoarandommiddlepage,leavingitfacedownonthefloorandwithinquickreach.I

flickedonthephoneandswipedatthescreen.

Therewerethreemessages.

Luke:“Youokay?”
North:“Callme.”
Nathan:“Howbad?Textsomeone,damnit.We’reworried.”

Ifeltlighterandcurledupintoatighterballonthefloor,holdingthephonetomychestasItookadeep

breath.Despitewhatjusthappened,despitemymom’swarnings,sevenguysoutthereprovedthatshewas
completelywrong.Theyweresafetobearound.TheythoughtaboutmewhileIwasgone.Istartedtyping
amessagebacktoNathan.

Sang:“I’mfine.Ijustneedtohangoutherefortheday.I’msorryifIworriedyou.”

IwasjustreplyingtoNorthtosayIcouldn’tcallrightnowbutwouldtrytodoitsoonwhenthephone

explodedwithmessages.Ifumbledwithit,unabletocompleteamessagebecauseitwouldvibrateand
thescreenwouldchangeforeveryincomingmessage.

Gabriel:“Didsheyell?Wasitbad?”
North:“Whenareyoucomingback?”
Silas:“Doyouneedanything?”
Kota:“Whathappened?”
Luke:“Didyoudie?Areyougrounded?”
Silas:“Howlongdoyouhavetostaytherefor?”
Victor:“Canyousneakbackouttonight?”
Nathan:“Whyareyouapologizing?Justtelluswhathappened.”
North:“Goddamnit,callme.”

Idroppedthephoneontothecarpet,pullingmykneesupandrestingmyfaceinmyhands.Myheart

wasbeatingtoohardontoomanylevels.Itwastoomuchtostillbeangryatmymotherandbesoexcited
bytheguys.IneededtocalmdownandfindaplacetocallthemfromwhereIwouldn’tbeoverheardand
Icouldn’tleavethehouse.

Icrawledtotheothersideoftheroomtoturndownthevolumeofthemusic,listeningforthesoundsof

my family. A radio advertisement floated from my sister’s room. My mom’s television was turned up
again.Thatwasagoodthing.

I turned the music up on my radio again, this time raising the volume a couple of notches higher. I

waitedtohearagaintoseeifmymotherormysisterwouldyellatmethatitwastooloud.

Silence. I scrambled with the phone to the attic door and peered inside. The space was the area

betweenthewallandtheslantoftheroof.Therewasanookinthebackthathadaflatpieceofplywood
board,almostlikeaplatform.OnceIwasinsidethere,Iwouldbemostlysurroundedbyinsulationinthe
mostremotespotinthehouse.

I got down and crouched inside the attic door. The air was thick, dry, and hot and smelled like raw

woodandinsulation.Iclosedthedoorbehindme.TechnicallyIwasn’tleavingthehousebutIdidn’twant
themtoknowIwasusingthisspace.ItwasthelastplaceIhadleftthattheywouldn’tthinktolookforme.

Sinkingintodarkness,Iturnedonthephone,usingtheglowtoguidemeasIcrawledonmyhandsand

feetdeeperintothetunnel,duckingmyheadunderbeamstogettotheplatformnook.WhenIwasthere,I
angled myself around a four-by-four beam that partially blocked the opening and climbed in. The nook
waswideenoughthatIcouldsitcross-leggedcomfortablyandthespaceabovemyheadwastallenoughI
wouldn’thitmyheadifItriedtostand.

IwasstillnervousaboutbeingheardbutIpushedthebuttonsonthephone,dialingKota’snumber.
Heansweredbeforethefirstringcouldcompleteitself.“Sang?”
“It’sme,”Isaidinaquietvoice.“Thereweretoomanytextstoansweratonce.”
Questionsfromsixothermalevoicesfloatedthroughfromthebackground.Ismiled.Itwassoothingto

hearthemall.

“Hangonasecond,Sang,”hesaid.Therewasabeepingnoiseandtheclackofthephonebeingputon

awoodsurface.“Okay,”hesaid.“Iputyouonspeaker.Telluswhat’sgoingon.”

Iwasn’treadyforthat.Isuckedinabreath,tryingnottosoundsosmallandlonely.“I’mfine.It’sover

with.ShetoldmeIhadtostayinthehouse.”

AmeshofvoicesstartedatoncebutitwasKota’sthatstoodout.“Howmuchtroublearewetalking

about?Doessheknowaboutus?”

“She doesn’t know specifics,” I said. “It was just in general for being in someone’s house. It’s the

usualstuff.”

“Sang,”Nathansaid,soundingdistantfromthephone.“Doyouwantustotrytocomeoverandtalkto

her?”

“No,”Isaid,probablyalittletooloudlyandIcalmedmyself,puttingahandonmyheart.“Justlether

cooloff.Schoolstartstomorrow.We’llbebusyanyway.I’llbeabletogetbackbutnottoday.Ijusthave
tobemorecarefulwithhow.”

Kotaspoke,“Wewon’tbeabletohidethisforever.”
“We’llfigureitout,”Isaid,tryingtosoundhopeful.Therewasn’tanoptionformeotherthangetting

betteratsneakingout.“Onethingatatime.Don’tworry.I’llkeepmyheaddown.”

I wasn’t sure how long I could risk being gone from my room so I told the guys I would text. I just

wantedtoletthemknowallatoncewhatwashappening.

Igotoffthephoneandleanedagainstoneofthewoodbeams.Atrickleofsweatstartedatmybrow

and slid down my face. Maybe I wasn’t so important to them. It didn’t matter. I needed them and much
more than I could ever tell them out loud. None of them knew how much I’ve needed to feel like I
belonged.

Andtheywerealljustoutofreach.
Icurleduponmyside,myfacepressedtothewoodoftheplatform.Tearsdrippedfrommycheeks.I

was lonely from years without being close to anyone. I’d tasted their kindness and I was starving for
more.Iwoulddowhateverittooktokeepthisasecret.

Friendshipwashardwork.

P

OLARIS

T

hatnight,Ituckedthephoneawayintotheatticspace.I’dgottenmoretextmessagesbuteveryone

soonhadtogohomeanddealwiththeirownstuff.Tomorrowwasthefirstday.

When my dad got home, my mom talked to him but they didn’t call me down. I had been forgotten

again.

Itwasaftereleven.Islippedintoapairofsoftcottonshortsandablacktanktopthatwasalmosttoo

small for me. The house was asleep. I was trying to sleep but my mind kept wandering to what would
happentomorrow.Instead,Iwroteinasmall,brownclothbounddiarymyfathergavemelastChristmas.

Diaries were hard to keep in my family. For one thing, Marie was prone to snooping, as was my

mother.ItriedtokeeparegularnotebookdiarywhenIwasyoungerbutIoftengotintotroublewhenI
bothered,becauseIwroteabouthowangryIwasmanytimes.Mariewoulduseitasevidenceifshegot
intotrouble,puttingmeinthemiddleofthelatestargumentwithmymother.

To combat this, I found another language to borrow. I used Korean lettering in a slightly different

format.ImadelinesandcirclesthatmadeuptheKoreanalphabet,writingmythoughtsinalanguagethey
couldn’tread.Ididn’tknowanyKorean,thewordswereinEnglish.TheKoreanalphabetwassimplya
code.IfMarietriedtouseatranslationtoolfromtheInternet,itwouldn’twork.Ifshebotheredtodecode,
itwouldtakesomework.IknewMarietriedtoreaditonce,becauseshewroteinthefrontofmydiaryin
blackSharpiehowIwasstupid.Imighthavebeenstupid,butitstoppedherfromusingmydiaryandmy
motherstoppedlookingatit,too.

ItwasexcitingtoknowIwouldbearoundtheguysalldayandmyparentscouldn’tdoanythingabout

it.ForoncewhenIwasaroundthem,Icouldalmostrelaxandnotworryaboutgettingcaught.Iwrotethe
guy’snamesintomydiary,admiringhowtheylookedinmysecretlanguage.

Asofttappingstartedatthewindow.
Isatupfromthebed.Ahumanfigureshadowedtheglass.Shiversranthroughmeandmybreathwas

caughtinmythroat,butIdismissedit.Idroppedthediaryonthebed,andcrossedtheroom,expecting
Nathantobethere.He’dclimbedmyroofbefore.

Instead, North was crouched and looking in. In his black t-shirt, black jeans and boots, if I hadn’t

knownhim,Iwouldhavebeenscreaming.

Iwavedandunlockedthewindow.
“Whatareyoudoing?”IaskedasIpushedthewindowup.
Heheldhishandout,hispalmupandfingersspreadout.“Comesee.”
Mymouthpoppedopen.“North...”
“Wewon’tgofar.”
Myheartthuddedhardinmychest.Myhanddisappearedintohisasheclosedhisfingersaroundmy

palm.Hetuggedtoencouragemeoutontotheroof.

Iangledmybodyandsteppedout.Theairwasstickywarm.Thehalf-moonshedagentleglowagainst

North’stallframe.

Northkeptmyhand,hisgripstrong,andstartedtostepuptheinclinetotheapex.
“Where?”Iasked.
“Up.”Hemotionedandcontinuedtoclimb.
My legs wobbled as they still ached from kneeling for so long. I hoped they wouldn’t cause me to

misstep.

Oncewemadeittothetop,hepointedtoaflatsectionoftheroofthatcoveredthebackporch.Helet

goofmetoslidedownandwhenhegottotheflatpart,heheldouthishandtomeagainasasupport.

“Righthere,”hewhispered,hisdeepvoicecarryingtome.
Isliddownandhecaughtmebythelegs.HehalfpickedmeupandpositionedmeuntilIwasstanding

besidetohim.Wewereprotectedononesidebytheedgeofthefireplace.Hepointedtothecorner,andI
satwiththefireplacebrickstomyrightandhesatnexttome.

Infrontofuswastheviewoftheyardandthewoodsbehinditandthestarsaboveourheads.
“Sitback,”hesaid.
Myheartflippedinmychest.Whywashedoingthiswithme?Ipushedmyhandtofeelwheretheroof

madeagentleincline.WhenIsatback,itwaslikerestingonahill.

HenestledhimselfnexttomeandsoclosethatIcouldfeelthewarmthofhisarmnearmine.Therein

the dark, we looked up at the stars above our heads. While my heart was still pumping and my body
shiveredathowunexpecteditwas,Northremainedquiet.HissilencekeptmenervousbutIdidn’tknow
whattosaytobreakthistension.Iclampedmylipsshut,gazingatthestars.

AtsomepointIrelaxedandtheskinofmyarmtouchedhis.Hedidn’tmove.Ileftmyarmasstillas

possible. The touch was casual enough. I wasn’t directly reaching for him. It was just nice to feel him
thereinthedarkandwithoutfeelingembarrassedorawkward.

Mymindwastotallynotfocusedonthestars.
WeaboutahalfhourpassedbeforeNorthspoke.“Whathappenedtoday,Sang?”
Myeyebrowsarchedinsurpriseathisquestion.“Whatdoyoumean?”
He turned until he was on his right side, his head propped up with his hand. His dark eyes were in

shadow.Icaughtthegentleoutlineofhisthickeyebrowsandhisdarkhairbrushedbackawayfromhis
face,allbutonestrandwhichhungoverhisforehead.“Iwanttoknowwhathappenedthemomentyougot
backtothishouseafteryoulefttoday.Youweren’tfullyhonestwithus.”

Howcouldheknow?“Iwas--.”
“You were protecting us.” He used his free hand to grasp my arm, his fingers wrapping around my

elbow.“Iknowwhatsofteningthetruthsoundslike.TheothersmightbewillingtobuyitbutIwantto
know.”

Itwistedmylips.“It’snotreallythatbad.”
“Idon’twantyouropinion,”hesaid.“Tellmewhathappened.I’llmakethedecision.Tellmeexactly

whatyourmothersaid.”

Ipressedmyfingerstomycheek,unsureofwheretostart.EventuallyIdidtellhim.Helistenedquietly

asIdescribedwhatshesaid,myeventualdefiantreplies,and,withmylipstrembling,Itoldhimabout
kneelinginrice.

WhenIfinished,Iheardhimswallowing.“Letmesee,”hewhispered.
“Seewhat?”
Hesatup,stuffinghishandintohispocket.Keysrattled.Alightbrokethroughthedark.Heswungthe

flashlighttowardmeandtheglowwashedovermyknees.Hishandmovedtomythighashepulledoneof
mylegscloser.Hebentoverme,hiseyeslitupfromtheLEDbulb.Histhumbtracedoverthecrestofmy

knee.Whenhedidit,Iwinced,feelingsensitivetobothhistouchandthepain.

“Baby,”hewhispered.“Howlongwereyoutherefor?”
Ipushedmyfingertomylowerlip,“Idon’tremember.Iwasn’twatchingtheclock.”
“DiditstartrightafteryouleftKota’s?”
“About,yes.”
Helookedupfrommyknee,flickingthelightoffagainandcastingusintoshadow.Myeyesblacked

outastheyadjusted.Hishandfoundmineagainstmymouthandhepulleditawaytoholdit.“Andyou
calledusrightafter?”

“Yes,”Isaid.
“Thathadtobeoverthreehours,”hesaid.“Atleast.”Heletgoofmeandrolledtoleanbackagainst

theroof,puttinghisarmsunderhisheadtopropitup.“Trouble,trouble,trouble...”hesaid.

“I’msorry,”Isaidsoftly.
“Stopapologizingforshitthatisn’tyourfault.”
“I’mtheonethatleftthehouse.”
He turned onto his side again. He cupped my chin in his hand. “Listen to me, Sang,” he said. “Your

mother has issues. I get that. She can’t keep you locked up like this. You’re not a bad girl. You’re not
drinking or smoking or selling your body.” He let go of my face and brushed a strand of my hair away
frommycheek.“Idon’tliketothinkofyoubeingholedupherebecauseyourmothercan’thandlereality.
Youshouldn’tbeonyourkneesorswallowingvinegaroranyofthatshit.It’snothealthyforyou.”

“WhatcanIdo?”Iasked.“She’smymother.”
Hisfacetwistedandhelookedpained.“Iknowsheis,”hesaidquietly.“I’msurprisedsheletsyougo

toschool.Fromwhatyou’vetoldme,itsoundslikeshe’dtrytohomeschoolbothofyou.”

“Mydadwon’tlether,”Isaid.“Sheusedtosayshewould,butheinsistedthatwegotoschoollike

everyoneelse.Hesaidifshedidhomeschool,thestatewouldbewaymoreinterestedinus.Besides,she
wassicksomuch,hethoughtshecouldn’tkeepup.Ifshefailedtoreporttothestate,they’dcomearound
andinvestigate.Shedidn’tlikethat.”

Hesighed,letgoandsatbackagain.Wegazedbackintothesky.
I tried to come up with something else to talk about. I was tired of my problems being the center of

attention.“North?AreyouandLukegoingtostartthedinerwithyourunclesometimesoon?”

“Wealreadypurchasedtheproperty,sowebetter.”
“Isthatwhatyouwanttodowhenyougraduate?Workwithyouruncle?”
“No,”hesaid.
“Whatwouldyouratherdo?”
“Travel.”
“Onyourbike?”
“Orabetterone.Orinaplane.DependsonwhereI’mgoing.”
“Wherewouldyougo?”
Heturnedhisheadtowardme.“Wherewouldyou?”
Ithoughtaboutit.“Tothebeach.Aniceonewithbrightbluewaterandwhitesand.”
“We’renotfarfromthebeach,”hesaid.“We’llgooneday.”
Butterfliesdidflipsinmystomach.“Withtheguys?”
HepausedandIwasn’tsurehewasgoingtoanswer.“We’llsee.”
While we sat together in the dark, staring up at the stars, his musk mixed with the salt breeze that

driftedfromtheeast.Ibreathedindeeply,lettingitfillmylungs.Ifingeredthegritofthetilebelowus.
Starstwinkledandshiftedacrossthesky.

NorthknewexactlywhatIneeded.Somehow,amidalltheotherthingsgoingon,hesoughtmeoutin

thedarkness.HeknewIneededthatescape.Ineededtoknowthatsomewhereouttheresomeonecould
comeforme.IneededtoknowIwasn’taloneanymore.

How he knew I needed it, or if that was what he was thinking, I don’t know. I felt better simply

knowinghecameforme.SomeoneouttherecaredenoughabouthowIfelttocomfortme.Icoulddeal
with my parents. I could deal with anything they wanted. If North, Kota and the others could be patient
withme,Iwouldfindaway.

We were only out there a few more minutes before North insisted I get some sleep. He helped me

climbovertheroof.OnceIwasinsideagain,Ileanedoutthewindow.Ifitwereuptome,Iwouldhave
stayedouttherewithhimallnight.Iwassorryheneededtogobuthewasright.Wehadschoolandother
thingstodo.“Goodnight,North,”Isaid.

He leaned down and brought his face close to mine. His coarse fingers swept across my cheek. I

steeledmyselftonotpullaway.“Goodnight,Sang,”hewhispered.

Withthat,hemovedbackthewaywehadcome,climbingtheroofanddroppingoutfurtherthanIcould

see.

A little later, the sound of a motorcycle started up in the distance and faded away. I did my best to

listen,tryingtomemorizethesound.Iwantedtoalwaysknowwhenhecamenear.NexttimeIwouldn’t
hesitatetoopenthewindow.

T

UESDAY

F

IRST

D

AY

Idreamedaboutafrostthatwassweepingoverafield.Iwasrunningtostayaheadofit.Thefrost

frozeanimalsandplantssolid.Ifittouchedme,Iwouldfreezetothespotforever.

I

woketwohoursbeforeIneededtogetready.Iwroteinmydiaryaboutmydream.Mostofmydiary

consisted of a record of the dreams I had. I tried looking for patterns sometimes but after a while, I
stoppedtryingtoanalyzesomuch.Itwasnowjustahabittooccupymytime.Therewasrarelyanything
elseformetodointhehouse.

Whenitwastime,Iputonasimpleshortgreenskirtandalightpinkblouse.Ibuttonedtheblouseupto

thetop,thinkingofDr.Greenandhisopiniononfashion.Ibrushedandtwistedmyhairandclippedit,the
endstrandstracedmyneck.Istrappedsomesandalsonandpickedupmybookbag,whichhadacouple
ofnotebooksandafewpensandpencils.Iwasn’tsureifwewouldpickupbookstodaybutIwantedto
beready.

Ialsofoundsomeveryoldmakeupcompactsinaboxunderneaththesinkofthebathroom.Marieoften

pickedupoddandendleftoversfromherfriendsatschoollikethat.Iusedtheclosestcoloronmyknees,
hoping to mask the bruising. When I was done, the area looked dark but it managed to hide the purple
splotches.ItuckedthecompactintomybookbagjustincaseIneededtoredoitlater.

Icouldn’tmakemyselfeatbreakfast.IwasthinkingofhowIwouldbespendingtheentiredaywiththe

guys.Pluswithitbeinganewschoolyear,Ididn’twanttohaveanervousstomachaftereatingsomething.

Iwalkedoutsideintothealreadystickymorningair.Mariestoodattheendofourdriveway.Shewas

wearingjeansandadarkbluet-shirtthatlookedtoobigforher,evenonhertallframe.

“Whyareyoubringingthat?”sheasked,pointingalongfingeratmybookbag.“Youdon’tshowupfor

thefirstdayofschoollookinglikeacompletenerd.Andwhyareyouwearingaskirt?”

“Everyoneatourlastschoolworeskirts.Iwantedtolooknice.”
“Yourshirt’sbuttonedupalltheway.Youlookstupid.”
Ipursedmylips.Thiswasn’tthetypeoffightIwantedtodealwiththismorning.
“Juststandawayfromme.Idon’twanttolooklikewe’rerelated.”
“Wearerelated.”
“Wecanpretendwe’renot,”shesaid,flusteredandtakingafewstepsawayfrommeuntilshewason

theothersideofthewidedriveway.

I blew out a sigh, wrapping my fingers around the straps of my book bag. I scanned the street. Kota

stoodaloneinhisdriveway.Icouldn’tseeNathanoutinfrontofhishouse.Ihopedhewouldn’tmissit
andbelate.

The bus appeared from around the bend and stopped in front of our house. Marie got on first. The

brownseatswererippedinplacesandpatchedwithducttapeinothers.Fiveotherkidsclusteredtogether
inseatstowardthefront.Mariewentfortheverybackseat.Ipickedsomethinginthemiddle.

Kotagotonnext.Islidfurtherintotheseattogivehimroom.

“Morning,”hesaid,smilingandsittingnexttome.
Ahappywarmthsweptthroughme.Hewasn’tashamedtositnexttomeonthebuslikemysister.He

woreaRalphLaurencollaredshirtwiththinbluestripes,withabluetieathisneckandtanslacks.“Ilike
theshirtyou’rewearing,”Isaid,forcingmyselftosaysomethingnicedespitebeingunsureandshy.

Hischeekstinged.“You’relookingprettygood,too.”
IblushedbutIcaughtsightofhisgreenmessengerbag.“Areyouusingthattocarrybooksaround?”
Hepickeditupandputitinhislaptolookitover.“What’swrongwithit?”
“Aren’tyouinreallysmartclasses?”
Helaughed.“Yeah.”
“Thenwon’ttheirbooksbereallyheavy?”
“Ah,”hesaid.Heopenedtheflapandlookedinside.“It’sprettysturdy.”
“Iwasworrieditmighthurtyourshoulder.Youknow,puttingsomuchweightonitallthetime.”
The smile on his lips softened. I wasn’t sure if I said something stupid. “Well if it does, I’ll switch

shoulders.”

Nathanranoutfromhishouseaninstantbeforethebusgotclose.Thebusdrivermotionedtohimand

Nathanbentovertohearwhathehadtosaybeforenoddingandheadingtotheseatnearusontheother
sideoftheisle.Heworeareddressshirt,makingtheredinhishairdiminishtothebrown.

“Thebusdriversaidweshouldprobablycollectatonehouse,”hesaid.“Hesayswe’recloseenough

thatheshouldn’thavetostopthreetimeslikethat.”

Kotalookedatme.“Willyourmomletyoudothat?”
Ishrugged.“Ifthebusdriversayswehaveto.”Itmademenervoustofigureouthowtomentionit.I’d

havetoconsultwithMarie,whichdidn’tseemlikeagoodthingtodorightnow.IthoughtIwouldjust
makesuretoletherknowafterschoolandwewouldhavetobothagreenottotellourmotheraboutit.

Thebusturnedthebendinourneighborhoodandstoppedatahouseinthemiddleoftheotherside.

Derrickwasstandingattheendofthedriveandheturnedtofacethebus.Irememberedhimastheboy
who had once tried to play basketball with Marie at my house until my mom dismissed him. He was
standingwithagirlwholookedjustlikehim.

“IsthatDanielle?”
“Yeah,”Nathansaid.
Daniellewasastallasherbrother,withbrownhaircutinanevenbobaroundherchin.Shehadhigh

cheekbones and a wide forehead. Her big brown eyes glared critically at the bus. She turned to her
brother,snappingsomethingathim.Hefrownedbutgotonthebus.

They both headed for the back seats. After a few moments, I heard my sister talking and Danielle

responding.

“She didn’t look too mean, I guess,” I said. I wasn’t really sure about that but didn’t want to sound

rude.“Wecouldbefriends.”

Nathanshookhishead,smirkingatme.“Justwait.”
Therestofthebusridetookthirtyminutes.Wesatinsilencetogetheraswewatchedstudentsgeton

andoff.Whenthebusarrivedattheschool,wefollowedthecrowdintothebuilding.

“Itoldtheotherstomeetusinthecafeteria,”Kotasaid.“We’llpickoutatable.”
Atfirsttheschoolseemedtoechowithourfootsteps.Thesmallerhallwayswereempty.Aswedrew

closer to the main hallway though, students clustered together along the walls, making it difficult to
navigate. Nathan switch from being on Kota’s other side to walking along beside me. They closed in
aroundmeuntilourarmsweretouchingasweheadedtowardthecafeteria.Nathanstuffedhishandsinhis
pocketsandlookeduncomfortable.

“Don’t be nervous,” I whispered to him. I knew the school’s reputation was a bad one. It was why

Academystudentswerethereinthefirstplace,right?Still,Icouldn’timagineanyonewantingtopicka
fight with Nathan. His collared shirt only slightly masked his muscles. He wasn’t someone to be taken
lightly.

Hiseyesshiftedfromthegroupsofkids.“Idon’tknowwhytheyhavetostandaroundlikethat.”
“It’sthefirstday,”Kotasaid.“They’renotgoingtobeinterestedintroublerightnow.”Ashesaidthis,

hiseyesstartedtoglancefromdifferentgroupsaswell.

I pressed my fingertips into my palms. I focused on the path ahead of us. I didn’t want to catch

someone’seyesanddrawattentiontomyself.InvisiblewassomethingIcouldhandle.Theguys,however,
weremakingmenervous.

Inthecafeteria,wefoundanemptytableclosetothelargewindowslookingoverthecourtyard.There

wasnosignofNorthorVictorortheotherguys.NathansatnexttomeandKotatookaspotontheother
sideofthetabletohelppreservesomeroom.Wedroppedourbagsontothetablesowecouldspreadout
andclaimthespace.

“ShouldItextthem?”Nathanasked,glancingaroundatsomeofthestudentsattheothertables.
Kotaturnedinhisseat,lookingdownsomeoftheconnectinghallways.“Theyshouldbeheresoon,”he

said.

“Isthisseattaken?”Afamiliarsmoothbaritonespokenexttomyear.Myhandflutteredtothebaseof

mythroat,mybreathcaughtasIturnedaround.Victorpulledback.Hiswavyhairwasbrushedbackaway
fromhisangularfaceandhewaswearingawhitebuttonupshirtandblackslacks.Hekeptacoupleof
buttonsundoneathisneck.Thesunlightthroughthewindowcaughtinhissilvermedallionrestingagainst
hiscollarbone.Hetooktheseatnexttome,hisfireeyessubdued.

Gabrielhadfollowedhim.Hehoveredovermeandsnuckahandtowardmyhead.Confused,Itwisted

myheadawaybuthewasquick.Ifeltthecliplooseningandmyhairfallingaroundmyshoulders.

Gabrielsmirked.“I’mkeepingthis,”hesaid,holdingmyhairclipbetweenhislongfingers.Histwo

locksofblondhairblendedwiththerestofhisbrownhairbehindhisears.Heworeathinredtieandhis
collaredwhiteshirtwasuntuckedfromhistanslacks.Heworerubystudsinhisearlobestoday.Thethree
ringsalongthecrestofhisrightearweretheusualblack.

“Ishouldkeepitforgym,”Isaid.Ihalfstoodup,reachingforit,butheeasilygrabbedmywristto

holditbackandheldtheclipoutofmyreach.Ipoutedalittle,tryingtogetsomesympathy.Ididn’twant
tohavetositaroundwithhairinmyfaceallday.Iwassousedtohavingitallpulledbackoutofmyface
thatitfeltstrangetohaveitdown.

“Youaren’tgoingtoberunningtoday,”hesaid.“Youcanhaveitbackatlunch.Maybe.”Hemoved

aroundtoKota’ssideofthetable,tuckingmyclipintohispocket.“Anddon’tpoutthatsweetlip.That
shitneverworksonme.”

“It really does look better down,” Victor said. His fingers stretched toward my face and I forced

myselftoremainstill.Heslippedoneofthelocksofmyhairbehindmyear.Theedgeofhisfingernail
traceddelicatelyacrossmycheek.Mybreathcaught,subduedinthemomentasthefireinhiseyesfixed
onme.

Theschooldayhadn’tofficiallystartedyet,andIwasalreadyoverwhelmedwiththeirattention.
More students filtered into the cafeteria. Familiar friends collected and huddled together in groups.

Somestoodalonealongtheedges,waitingtobeinvitedornoticed.Mostofthekidsworeloosejeansand
t-shirts.Comparedtoeveryoneelse,theboysandIstoodoutquiteabit.Isighedaboutthis.Thiswasn’t
like my old school. Blending in would require a different strategy. If I had been alone, I would have
worriedmore.WithKotaandtheothers,itfeltliketheyweremyshieldagainstbeingtoodifferent.

Theboysseemedintentoncheckingoutwhatwasgoingon,too.Wesatquietlyandkeptaneyeoutfor

theothers.Sometimesalargegroupofstudentsfiledinfromoffabus.Thecafeteriafilledupquicklyand
therewerepeoplehangingaroundtheedgesagainstthewall.Theresimplywasn’tenoughspaceforall
thestudents.

Ireachedintothepocketofmybagforthescheduleandcheckeditoveroncemore.Iwasfeelinga

little uncomfortable. Students were checking us out, too. I was paranoid about what I was wearing and
howIlooked.Whataretheotherstudentsthinkingofagirlsittingwithagroupofguyslikethis?Theguys
werebetterlooking,inmyopinion,thanalotofthekidsaroundus.Inthepast,Iwasthatforgettablegirl
in the corner, reading and lost in my own head. What did they think of this mismatched, plain girl with
theseincrediblyattractiveguys?

“Wherearethey?”Kotaasked,cuttingthroughoursilence.
Nathan fished out his cell phone and typed something in. He sat it on the table and we all hovered,

waitingfortheresponse.

Silas:“Trafficwasbackedupontheinterstate.Shouldgettheresoon.”

Ichewedmycheek,checkingtheclockonthewall.“They’recuttingitreallyclose.”
My eyes focused on a table across the cafeteria and I recognized Danielle and my sister. A couple

othergirlssataroundthem,giggling.

Nathanfollowedmygazeoutintothecrowdofstudents.“That’syoursister,isn’tit?”
Inoddedandeveryoneelseatthetableturnedtolook.IwasleaningtoseearoundKota’sheadandI

endedupalmostcheektocheekwithVictor.Ipulledawaybuthedidn’tflinch.

“Itlookslikethey’regettingalong,”Victorsaid.
“Thismightbegoodforus,”Kotasaid.“IfshegetsfriendlywithDanielle,it’llsaveussometrouble.”

Heturnedtome.“YoushouldgetyoursistertoinviteDanielleover.Canyougotalktoher?”

“Mysisterwarnedmethismorningthatshewantedtopretendweweren’trelated.”
“What?”Gabrielsaid,pullinghisheadbackaroundtolookatme.
Ishrugged.“I’mnotcoolenough.”
Theyalllaughedloudenoughtodrawattentionfromothersatanothertable.
Mycheekswarmed.“Isthatfunny?”
“No,”saidNathan.“It’sjustironic.”
ThebellrangbeforeIcouldaskwhathemeant.Silas,NorthandLukeweregoingtobelate.Ilifteda

fingertomylowerlip,worriedthattheymightgetintotrouble.

Nathancheckedhisphone.“Noupdate,”hesaid.“Comeon.”Nathantookmyhandfrommyfaceand

pullingatittogetmetostand.“I’llwalkyoutoclass.”

Ilookedbackattheothersbuttheyhadhomeroomsontheoppositesideofthebuilding.Iwavedto

them.Theywavedback,disappearingintothecrowd.

Nathanheldontomyhandwhilewewerewalkingthroughthehallway.Hisfingersenvelopedmine,a

littletootightbutIdidn’twanttosayanything.Itwashardenoughtonotwanttopullawayfromhisgrip
from nervousness. I glanced at other students around us but everyone was in such a hurry that no one
appearedtobeinterestedinwhatwedid.Myheartflutteredinmychestfromtheexcitementingoingto
myfirstdayatanewschoolandfromhispalmpressedtomine.

The hallway narrowed and the crowds closed in as they crawled forward, making it impossible to

standsidebyside.IslippedbehindNathan,lettinggoofhishandandpressedmypalmathisbacksohe
knewIwasrightbehindhim.

The crowd halted and he stopped short. I bumped into him. I stood on my tiptoes to look over his

shoulder.

Helookedbackatmeandhischeekalmostmetwithmylips,bumpingmynose.Iblushedandrocked

backonmyheels.

“Ifthisiswhattherestofthedayislike,it’llbeamiracleifanyonecangetintotheirclassesontime,”

hesaid.

Whenitthinnedoutontheotherside,wewerealmosttomyhomeroom.Hewalkedmetothedoorand

stoodbyit,lookinginside,notingthepeople.

“IthoughtmaybeNorthandLukemighthavemadeit,”hesaid.
“They’regoingtobelate,”Isaid.“Butyouare,too,ifyoudon’tgetgoing.”
Henodded.“Iftheydon’tmakeit,justheadstraightforyournextclass.Don’tstopinthehallway.”
Iwaswavinggoodbyetohimwhenavoicecutthroughbehindmeintheclassroom.
“HeySingSangSong.”
Ispunaround,recognizingthevoicebutnotrememberingtheface.Leaningupagainsttheframeofthe

door to the homeroom class was Greg, his goatee chin tilted in my direction. I took a half step back in
surprise.Whatwashedoinghere?IrecalledwhenIfirstmethimatthemallandhowhe’dgottenintoa
fightwithKotaandSilas.Myheartleaptintomythroat,andmyhandfluttereduptothebaseofmyneck.

“Who’sthat?”Nathanasked,hisblueeyesdarkening.
“Longstory,”Isaid.Iswallowedbackthedesiretoaskhimtostaynearme.“Gettoclass.”Therewas

nopointintryingtostallhim.Besides,Gregcouldn’tdoanythingtomenow.Wewereinschool.

IhopedIwasrightaboutthat.
NathanshotGregalookandturned,walkingoff.Iracedintotheclassroom,ignoringGregandsatata

seatclosetothedoor.Thereweretwoemptychairs,oneinfrontofmeandonebehindmeandItucked
mybookbagintheoneinfrontofmetohopefullysaveitforoneoftheguysiftheyshowedup.

“Sowhere’syourotherboyfriends?”Gregaskedashesatbehindme.Heleanedoverthetopofhis

desk.Mentholcigarettesmokewaftedtowardmynose.

Ifacedthefront,foldingmyarmsandfocusingonthechalkboard.Myheartwasthuddingloudinmy

ears.Wouldignoringhimwork?

“Youknow,Inevergotthatkiss,”Gregsaid.Hestartedmakingkissynoisesbehindme.
MynosecrinkledathissmellbutIpressedmylipstogether,tryingmybestnottosayanything.
“HeyGreg!”Someoneacrosstheclassroomcalledtohim.
“I’llcatchyouinaminute,”Gregtoldmeandhegotup.Hetuggedatalockofmyhairandwalked

away to sit near his friend who was waving to him. I trembled, grateful he had a distraction. This was
terrible. It was the last person I wanted to see and he was right there in my homeroom. What were the
chances?

Thebellrangandtheclassstilled.Fromasideoffice,theteacherwalkedin.Hewasshort,pudgywith

grayingdarkhairandworeamaroonshirtandblackslacks.“Welcometohomeroom,”hesaid.“I’mMr.
Ferguson.Checkyourschedules.Itshouldsayroom135.Ifnot,you’reinthewrongclass.”

Thedooropened,shiftingtheairintheroom.NorthandLukewalkedin.Iremovedmybookbagfrom

theseatinfront.LuketookthatoneandNorthcollapsedintotheseatbehindme.

Mr.Fergusonlookedexpectantlyatthem.“Didyougetlost?”
“Theparking lot isbacked up,” Lukesaid, rubbing a palmover his forehead.“All these parents are

tryingtodroptheirkidsoff.”

“Nexttimegethereearlyanditwon’tbeaproblem,”hesaid.Hestartedcallingroll.
“Wewereworried,”Iwhisperedtothem.

“Don’tbe,”Northsaid.
Lukegrinned.“Thebellwasearly.Wewererightontime.”
IsideglancedatGreg.Hewasimmersedinaconversationwithanotherguy.
“Somethingwrong?”Northasked,checkingoutwhereIwaslooking.
Ishookmyheadandsmiled.“No.”IcaughtGregtakingglancesmywayandwhisperingtohisfriend

butIturnedawayfromthem.Ididn’twanttoworryNorthorLuke.

Northworeablackcollared,shortsleevedressshirt,unbuttonedallthewaywithablacktankshirt

underneath.Itaccentedthemusclesinhischest.Luke’scollaredshirtwaswhiteandthetopthreebuttons
were undone with nothing underneath so I got a good look at part of his chest and the angle of his
collarbone.Lukemessedwithhisblondhair,tryingtopushitbackbehindhisearsbutitkeptfallingaway
intohiseyes.Thegirlsacrosstheroomwerewhisperingandwatching.

“Doyouhaveahairtie?”Luketurnedinhischairtofaceme.
“Gabrielstolemyclipthismorning.”
Luke laughed. “We’ll have to bring extras. He doesn’t understand hair in the face. He just started

growinghisout.”Heletgoofhishair,lettingitfall.Thetipstracedalonghisneck.

Itooktwopencilsoutofmybookbagandputthemonthedesk.“Ididn’twanttoshowhimthis,”I

said.Ifingeredmyhair,combingitbackandthentwistingitintoasmallbunbehindmyhead.Istuffedthe
twopencilsintomyhairlikehairsticks.AcoupleofstrandsclosetomyfacefelloutbutIpulledthem
behindmyears.

Lukebeamed,hiswidelipscurlingup.“Hey.Iwantthat.”
Idugtwomorepencilsoutofmybag.Iheldthemouttohimbuthetwistedinhischair.Didheexpect

metodoit?Ibitmylowerlipandcombedmyfingersthroughhishair.Hesighed.Ididaquicktwist,
stabbingthepencilsintothebun.Alockofhairfellawaybuthetuckeditbehindhisear.Hisappearance
wasdifferent.ItwaslikeIwasfinallyseeinghimwithshorthair.Hisbrowneyeslookedbigger,andhis
smilewasbrighter.

ThegirlsacrosstheclassroomnarrowedtheireyesatusbutIignoredit.
Northwasslumpinginhisseat,tracinghisfingertipontheedgeofthedesk.IglancedathimbutNorth

waslookingattheotherstudents.

The door opened again. A tall, lean man with a tight set jaw and hollow cheeks walked in. He was

wearingthick,brown-rimmedglasses,hisheadwasshavedclean.Themusclesunderhislightgraysuit
lookedbulky.

“PrincipalHendricks,”Mr.Fergusonsaid.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
“I’m just making rounds today. Saying hello,” he said. He smiled at the rest of us. “Don’t let me

interrupt.”

Mr. Ferguson stood straighter and everyone in the room was quiet as he finished up roll call. There

wereschoolannouncementsovertheloudspeakerbutmyfocuswasontheprincipal.Hisgazesettlingon
LukeandNorth.

After the announcements were over, the room started a low hum of chatting. Principal Hendricks

walkedovertous,standingovermydesk.“Aren’tyouboysfromtheAcademy?”

Heknew?IglancedatLuke.
“Yes,sir,”Lukesaid.“AlthoughIthoughtweweren’tsupposedtomention...”
“Whereareyouruniforms?”
Lukeblinkedathim.
“Uniforms?”Northasked.
“Ithoughtyourschoolhaduniforms.”

LukeandNorthexchangedglancesovermyhead.Whatwasgoingon?
“Well,”Lukesaid,scratchingthebackofhisneck.“Wedohaveadresscode,Iguess.”
“Hm,” the principal touched the knot of his pale gray tie. “I believe there may have been a

misunderstanding.”

Theprincipalthankedthemandwalkedoutoftheroom.WashereallyonlytheretotalktoLukeand

North?

“Whatwasthatabout?Didheexpectyoualltowearuniformshere?”Iasked.
Northfrowned.“Idon’tthinkso.Ithoughtourjobwastoblendinasmuchaspossible.Weweren’t

supposedtostickout.”

“It’dbetoodangerousforustostartwearingsomethinglikethat,”Lukeagreed.“We’dbeisolatedout

quickly.”

NorthmumbledsomethingevenIcouldn’thear,foldedhisarmsandputhisheaddownonthedesk.
Whenthebellrangagain,weallstoodup.Wefoundahallwaythatledoutside.North’sfirstclasswas

attrailerthirty,almostallthewayattheendoftherow.IwalkedbetweenhimandLuke,followingthe
sidewalkthatleadawayfromthemainbuilding.

“Whowasthatguy?”Northasked.“Theonethatkeptlookingatyou?”
Myfaceheated.Ididn’thavetoaskwhichone.Iknewexactlywhohemeant.“Ibumpedintohimatthe

malloneday.”

“You mean that day with Silas and Victor?” he asked. His eyes widened and hands clenched. “Why

didn’tyousaysomething?”

“North,”Isaid,myfingersbrushedhisarmtogethisattention“Hebackedoffwhenyoutwoshowed

up.”Itsurprisedmeheheardaboutthat.Howmuchdidtheboystelleachotheraboutme?Didhetellthe
othersaboutwhathappenedyesterday?

“Yeah,” Luke said. “We don’t have to worry. Sang’s schedule is covered and he didn’t seem that

interestedinher.”

North’slipspursed.Hewalkedustoourtrailer.
“I’llwaitforyou,”IsaidtoNorth,“sowecanwalktothenextclass.”
Henoddedandturnedaway.IkeptaneyeonhimuntilIlosthimamongtheotherstudents.
Luke put a hand on my shoulder, urging me inside. “He’ll be fine,” he said. “You might not have

noticed,buthe’sprettyscarylooking.Noone’sgoingtomesswithhim.”

Iwidenedmyeyesathim.“I’msupposedtobeworriedhewasgoingtogetmessedwith?Iwasjust

thinkinghewaswalkingtooslowandhemightbelatetohisnextclass.”

Luke’seyeslitupandhegrinnedlikehewantedtolaugh.
“What’ssofunny?”Iasked.
Hesaidnothingandopenedthedoorforme.

U

NUSUAL

C

LASSMATES

L

ukeandIfoundseatsnearthebackoftheroomtogether.Kotaenteredaminutelater,fallingintothe

seat in front of me and adjusted his glasses. “Oh good,” he said, looking at Luke behind me. “I was
worriedyouwouldn’tmakeit.”

“Trafficwascrazy,”Lukesaid.
Kotaglancedatourseatsandtheothersthatwerestillavailableintheroom.“Let’schangethis.”
Lukeshrugged.“You’retheboss.”
“Heis?”Iasked.Kota’sorderswerestrangetomeanditwasweirdtohearLukeacknowledgethem.
They exchanged glances and Luke laughed. “We’ve been friends for so long, we’re just used to him

bossingusaround.”

“Idon’tbossyouaround,”Kotasaid.“Imakesuggestions.”
“We’retoonicetosayno.”
Thelooksthatpassedbetweenthemtoldmetherewasmoretothis.WasKotareallyinchargeinsome

officialwayfromtheAcademy?Ipursedmylips,bitingbackthequestions.

Kotapointedtothreeseats.Lukesatinthelastoneneartheback.IsatinfrontofhimandKotasatin

frontofme.

“I’malwaysinthemiddle,”Isaid.Iwasn’treallycomplaining,justmakinganobservation.
“Howcanyousaythat?”Kotasaid,turningaround.“Wejuststarted.”
The bell started to ring as Gabriel rushed in the door. He collapsed into a seat to my left. “Walking

fromthesecondfloorisabitch,”hesaid.

“Gabe,”Kota’stonewaswarningenough.
Gabrielshrugged,puttinghishandonhischestashebreathedheavily.Hisredtiewasflippedover,

revealing the Gucci brand label. He smoothed his hand over his chest to straighten it. “You try getting
downthosestairs.You’dletoneslip,too.”Hisheadtwistedandhiscrystalblueeyesnarrowedatme.
“Nuhuh,”hesaid.“Handthemover.”Hesnappedhisfingersandpointedtomyhair.

“Kota,”Iwhispered.
Kotaturnedtolookatmeandthepencilsinmyhair.Hisgreeneyeslitup.“It’scute.”
“Nope,”Gabrielsaid.“I’lltakeallyourpencilsifyoudon’tgetitoutofyourhairrightnow.Iwantit

down.”

Itwistedmylips,temptedtoignorehim.Ifeltahandnearmyhairandthebunloosened.Lukehanded

backmytwopencils.Hekepttheonesinhisownhair.Idroppedthetwopencilsonthedesk.Lukeranhis
fingersthroughmyhairtoundothetwist.

Gabrielgrinned,satisfied.
Theclassstartedandwewerehandedanagendaandalistofbooksweweretoreadoutsideofclass

withinstructionstotakespecialteststhatwereinthelibrary.

Ms.Johnsonstoodinfrontoftheroom.Thetrailerwallswereafauxwoodpanelandwithherbrown

dress,shealmostblendedin.Shewasthin,pale,withcurlydarkhaircutshortaroundherears.“Iknow

youdon’thaveyourbooksyet,butthatdoesn’tmeanwehavetimetoslackoff.Ineedeveryonetotakeout
somepaper.”

Therewasasubtlecollectivegroanandalotofshuffling.Ireachedformybag,pullingouttwoofthe

notebooksandtwopens,handingasettoLukebehindmebeforehefinishedpokingmeintheshoulderto
ask.

HeblinkedasIhandedittohim.“Iguesswedidneedtobringstuff.”
“Youcankeepit,”Isaid,“ifyouwant.”
Hesmiledatmeinawaythatmademeshiver.IturnedaroundasIdidn’tknowhowtorespond.
Ms.Johnsonputherhandsintheairinanefforttoquiettheclass.“Idon’thavealoudvoicesoIcan’t

talk over you.” She paused to allow the class to quiet down. “Today, I want a poem. We’ll be starting
withpoetryandIwantyoutowriteapoemforme.”

Anotherwaveofgroanssweptthroughtheroom.
“Iknowkidsdon’tlikepoemsbutIknowyou’veheardofatleastoneinyourlife.Iwantoneoriginal

poemfromeachofyoubytomorrowmorningonmydesk.Youcanstartnow.”

Istaredattheblankpageinfrontofme.Apoem.ItriedtothinkofthelastoneIhadreadandcouldn’t

remember.Theyallhadtorhyme,didn’tthey?IwishedIcouldreadafewfirsttogetanideaofwhatI
wantedtogofor.Howlongofapoemdidithavetobe?

Thesoundofscratchingfilledtheroomaspensandpencilswereappliedtopaper.Imanagedtowrite

mynameonmypageandstartedwithwritingprettywordsthatIlikedinacurlycursivelettering.

Ifeltanudgeatmyarm.IglanceduptoseeGabrielholdinguphisnotebook.He’ddrawntheword

“poem” into a rose unfolding into bloom. It was so lifelike that if it wasn’t for the fact that it was in
pencil,Iwouldhavethoughtitwasreal.

Mymouthpoppedopeninsurprise.Iwrotesomethingquicklyonmypaperandhelditupforhimto

read.

Ithoughtyousaidyouweren’tgoodatart?
Hesmiledandthenwrotesomethingbackonhispage,holdingitup.Itisn’tgood.
Iwroteback.You’recrazy.It’sbeautiful.Youbelonginartclass.
Hebeamed.Iadmiredhissmileandthewayhisearsturnedared,almostmatchingtherubystudsin

hislobes.

“Unless you’re willing to read what you have to the class, I want eyes on your own paper,” Ms.

Johnsonsaid.Whileshewassmiling,sheclearlymeantherthreat.

Webothtuckedourheadsdown,grinning.Gabrielwasn’ttoobad.Hemighthavestolenmyhairclip

andwasdemanding,buthewasfun.

Sometimeduringthewritingsession,IfeltLuketouchingmyhair.Iwantedtochecktoseewhatitwas

butIfeltMs.Johnson’seyesonmeandaftergettingcaughtwithGabriel,Ididn’twanttoriskhavingto
standupinclass.

Whenthebellrang,Kotagotup,saidaquickgoodbyetoallofusanddashedoutthedoor.Ilookedto

LukeandGabriel.Theybothshrugged.

Outsidethetrailer,LukewentontohisnextclassandGabrielstoodbywithmeasIwaitedforNorth.
“Youdon’thavetowait,”Itoldhim.“Ishouldbeokaystandinghere,right?”
“Iknow,”hesaid,grinning.“I’dfeelbetterthough.”
Ireacheduptotugmyhairbehindmyears.Partofmehopedhewouldgetthehintandgivemyclip

backbuthedidn’tseemtonotice.“Willyoubelate?”

“Willyoustopworryingaboutme?”
“Butifyourclass...”

Hereachedoutwithastraighthandandgavemealightchopontopofmyhead.“Stopit.I’mnotgoing

tobelate.”

“Late for what?” North said, approaching. Being so much taller, he stood out among the rest of the

students.Hehadhishandsinhispocketsandwalkeduptous.HelookedatGabriel.“Whatareyoudoing
toher?”

“Nothing!”Gabrielhikeduphisbookbagandwavedtous.“Seeyouatlunch.”Hestartedoffalone

towardthetrailers.

I watched him leave. Maybe I didn’t have to worry about North, but did I have to worry about

Gabriel?

“He’llbefine,”Northsaidasifreadingmyworriesonmyface.Hewrappedanarmaroundmyneck

andpulledmearounduntilwewerewalkingtogethertowardthebuilding.

“Howwasclass?”Iaskedhim,tryingtoignorethesensationtoshiverathistouch.
“Nathan’sright.Publicschoolisapainintheass.”

Weranuptothesecondfloortogether.Nathanwaswaitingforus,sittinginthebackwithtwoempty

seatsinfrontofhim.

“It’sabouttime,”Nathansaid.“Iaboutgaveupholdingtheseseats.”
“Switchplaceswithme,Nat,”Northsaid.
“Iwanttheback,though.”
Theybothstaredateachother.Facesbecamestern.Ihesitatedtositdown,notsurehowtohandlethis.
“I could... I could sit in the back,” I said. I tried to give a cheesy smile, hoping they’d settle down.

Wouldhumorbringtheirtempersdownorjustirritatedthemmore?WherewasKotawhenIneededhim?

Theireyesslidtomeandtheyseemedtorelax.Northtookthefrontseat.Isatinthemiddleagainwith

Nathanbehindme.

“What happened to your hair?” Nathan asked me as we waited for the geometry teacher to finish

passingoutsomepapers.

I reached for the back of my head, feeling something like braids or twists. “Luke happened.” I tried

pullingonearoundbutthelockofhairIgrabbedwastooshortformetostretchwhereIcouldsee.

Nathanlaughed.
“Letmesee,”Northsaid.
Iturnedmyselfaround,showinghimthebackofmyhead.Helaughed,too.
“Isitbad?It’spurpleorsomething,isn’tit?”
“It’sloops.”NorthpulledastrandaroundtoshowmehowLukehadtwisteditsomuchatthetipsthat

itmadeanaturalloopandheldtogether.

Ismirkedatit,takingthestrandfromhim.Iusedmyfingernailstocombthroughthelocktobrushthe

loopout.

TheteacherstartedtalkingsoIhadtositback.Nathanstartedpullingtheotherloops,tryingtountwist

myhair.“You’vegottowatchoutforLuke,”hewhisperedtome.“Hedoesthisshitallthetime.”

Thegeometryteacherpassedoutsomeworksheethomeworkforustogetstartedonthatnightandgave

usourbookassignmentsfortheweek.

Northslumpedverylowinhischairandleanedback.Hisheadwasalmostbackagainstmydesk.
Ileaned,lookingoverhisface.Hiseyeswereclosed.“Tired,North?”
“Mmm.”
“Youstayeduptoolate.”
Hegrinned.“Yup.There’sthisgirlnamedSang,andshe’saterribleinfluenceonme.”

I giggled loud enough that it caught the attention of some of the others around us. I blushed and

pretended to focus on the worksheets we were supposed to be doing. Luke and North might have been
stepbrothers,buttheyweresodifferent,andnotinabadway.

Aftergeometryended,Nathanwalkedwithmetothemusicroom.
“What’sMr.Blackbournelikeasateacher?”Iaskedhim.MyheartwasthuddingasIrememberedMr.

BlackbourneandhisA-perfectfaceandstern,steeleyes.Itwasexcitingtometofinallygettolearnto
playsomethingbutIwonderedhowIcouldpossiblyfocusonmusicwhensomeonelikeMr.Blackbourne
wouldnarrowhiscriticalgazeonme.

“He’sfair,”Nathansaid.Hewalkedclosetomeinthecorridors.Hisarmbrushedagainstmineandon

occasionthebacksofourhandstouchedbutheneverreachedforitagainlikehedidthatmorning.Why
wasIthinkingIwantedhimto?“Hecanbeverystrict.Justremember:heyellsbecausehecares.”

Mymouthpoppedopen.Yelling?Iwasn’tsosurehowIwouldhandlesomeonelikethattryingtoteach

meamusicalinstrument.Inthepast,Ihadafewteacherswholikedtoyellwhenstudentsweren’tpaying
attentionandIalwaysfeltsonumbwhentheydid.Icouldn’tfocusontherestofclasswhenithappened.

NathanheldthedoortoMusicRoomBopenformebutletgotoletitswingshutwhenIwasinside,

sayinggoodbye.Imissedhiminstantly,wishinghecouldhavestayedamomentortwo.

MusicRoomBwassmallerthanIexpected.Itheldasingleuprightbrownpianoonthefarsideofthe

room and had a couple of rows of chairs surrounding a dark green chalk board against the wall. Mr.
Blackbourne sat at the bench of the piano. He played a jazz piece. I stepped further into the room, my
fingerstwistingaroundthestrapsofmybookbagasIlistenedtohimplay.

Heseemedtobelostinthemusicforthemoment.Hisfingersflowedoverthekeyswithanartistrythat

Iwasawestrucktowitness.Evenwiththeclunkyuprightpiano,heseemedtopulloffmagic.

His eyes caught mine and he stopped playing. The corners of his mouth dipped softly. He stood and

walkedaroundthepiano,straighteninghisredtie.HisstrikingfeatureshadmeurgingtostarebutIwas
terrifiedtodoso.Ashelookedatme,myspinestiffenedandIwilledmyselftoremembermyposture.

“MissSorenson,”hesaidasagreeting,touchingthecornerofhisdarkrimmedglasses.Itwashardto

thinkofhimasateacher.Helookedbarelynineteen.Itwashissternexpressionthatmadehimseemolder.

“Mr.Blackbourne,”Ireplied.Iputmybagdownononeofthechairs.Thebellrangandtheroomwas

stillempty.IfeltmythroatclosingbutIswallowed.“Whereiseveryoneelse?”

Abrowneyebrowrose.“Else?”
“Theotherstudents.”
“Therearen’tanyothers.Ican’tteachaclassroomtoplay.Justone.”
Myfaceradiatedheatandmyfingertouchedatmylowerlip,pushingtowardmyteeth.Iwasgoingto

behisonlystudentthisyear?

Hestoodatthefrontoftheroom.Iwasn’tsurewhattodo.Ifroze,myhandsclaspedbehindmyback.
“You didn’t bring a violin,” he said. It was almost a question, but he asked as if he knew what my

responsewouldbe.

“I’msorry,”Ioffered.Therewasn’tmuchmoreformetosay.ThetruthwasIhadn’tapproachedmy

parentsaboutthisclass.Ihadbeenwaitingforagoodtimebutwiththerecentargumentwithmymother,I
wasn’tsurewhenthiswouldhappen.Partofmehadthoughttheschoolwouldhaveoneforme,likemy
sistercouldborrowoneoftheextraflutesfromouroldschoolwhenshedidn’tbringhers.Hecouldn’t
haveexpectedmetogetonesosoon,couldhe?

Mr.Blackbournedidn’tseemfazedbythis.Hecrossedtheroomtothebenchofthepianoagainand

broughtoutablackcase.Hepositioneditontopofthepianoandopenedittorevealabeautifulebony

violin. The tuning pegs were encased in gold plating. The fingerboard and the chin rest was a lighter
shadeofgray.Elegantperfection.

“Come,”hesaid.“Takethis.”
Islinkedforwardbutkeptmyhandsbehindmyback.“Idon’twanttobreakit.”
“Youwon’tbreakitunlessyou’recareless.”
Isuckedinabreathandheldit,reachingdelicatelytotaketheviolinfromhim.Icradleditbetweenmy

hands,myfingerssmoothingoverthewood,feelingthecoolmaterialwithmyfingertips.Eventhesmell
ofthewoodandpolishandresinmademetremblewithnervousness.

“We’reheretoplay,nottolookatit.”Hissteelgazesettledonmyface.Heheldoutthebow.
I nodded, bringing the violin to my neck like I had seen countless times in videos and pictures. The

violin was lighter than I expected it to be and yet the length of it made me feel clumsy just holding it.
Takingthebowfromhim,IhelditlooselybetweenmyfingersandIwaitedforinstructions.

Mr.Blackbourneinclinedhishead.HisfingertipstracedmyelbowandIliftedtheviolinhigher.He

repositionedtheviolinatmyneckuntiltheverycenterofitwaspointedatthemiddleofmythroat.He
steppedaroundbehindme,checkingtheanglefromnexttomyhead.“Doyouseethestrings?Doyousee
howI’vepositionedit?”

Ilooked,catchingthestraightlinedowntheneckoftheviolin.
“This is how it should look every time you pick up your violin. You need to get used to this now.

Keepinggoodhabitsfromthebeginningwillmakethismorecomfortableforyou.Postureandbalanceare
important.” His breath teased the back of my hair as he spoke. I smothered my trembling. He was so
close,onlyhewassofocusedonmyposture,Iwasn’tsurehenoticed.

“Iunderstand,”Isaid.Ielevatedthebow,settlingthehorsehairstringsonaspotagainsttheviolin’s

bridge,readytobedirectedtothenextstep.

Mr.Blackbournestraightenedimmediately,andsnatchedthebowfrommyhands.“Notyet,”hesaid,

thesharpnessofhisvoicereturning.

Iliftedmyeyebrowsinsurprise.“No?”
“No.”Hewrappedhishandaroundmywrist,movingtheviolinfrommyneck.“Nowputitbackwhere

Iplacedit.

Ididwhatheinstructed,pushingtheendoftheviolintomyneck.
“Checkthestrings.”
Ilookedandhewasright.Iadjustedthenecktoholditupstraighter.
“Putyourchinagainsttherest.”
Idid.
“Letgooftheviolin.”
Iblinkedathim,shocked.Wouldhehavemewreckhisbeautifulinstrument?“I’lldropit.”
“Ifyou’reholdingtheviolinrightbetweenyourchinandyourshoulder,youwon’tdropit.Letgoofthe

violin,”heinstructed,hisvoicerising.

I hesitated. I couldn’t afford to pay for another one. Visions of the violin crashing to the floor and

splinteringintoamillionpiecesfloatedpastmyeyes.Hehadtobecrazytotrustmetoholdontoit.“I
don’tthinkIshould.”

Heseizedmyhandfromtheneckoftheviolinandpullingmyhandawayinasharpmotion.Itjarred

meforwardandtheviolinnearlyslidawaybutIpushedmychindownontherest,hikingupmyshoulder
toholdtoit.Theviolindangledprecariously.

Hefrowned,lettinggoofmyhand.“Puttheviolinbackintoposition.”
My fingers shook. I picked the violin up and put it back against my neck, checking the lines of the

stringstomakeitstraight.

“Now let go, this time without scrunching your neck.” His steel gaze penetrated through to my own

heart,asifheknewexactlyhowfastitwasbeating.

“Ialmostlostitlasttime.”
“Now!”Hisvoiceintensified,echoingthroughoutthemusicroom.
Iclosedmyeyes.Myhandslidawayfromtheneckoftheviolin.Ididmybestnottomovemychinor

shouldertotrytocompensate.

Theviolinrockedforwardbutremainedbalanced.
“Good,”Mr.Blackbournesaid,softerthistime.
Iopenedmyeyestogazeontheviolin,notinghowbadlyitshookasmybodyshivered.
He crossed his arms, circling me. I kept my hand down, fearing he would smack it away again. He

stoppedbehindme.Ilookedouttowardtheoppositewall,holdingmybreath.

“You did well, Miss Sorenson,” he said softly. “It’s important for a young lady to speak up and ask

questions,orevenresistanorderwhenasituationseemsdangerous.”Hetreadedaroundagainuntilhe
wasfacingme.Hegraspedtheviolinbytheneck,takingitfrommyshoulder.

Igazedatthefloor.Hewastestingme.Didheneedtodothistoteachmemusic?
Hishandtouchedmychin.ThetenderfingertipsliftedmyheaduntilIwaslookingbackintothosegray

eyes.

“Ialsoneedyoutotrustme,”hesaidsoftly.“Beyonddoubt.Beyondprobablywhatyou’veeverbeen

comfortablewithinyourlife.Ifyou’llallowmethechance...”Hislipspursedashescrutinizedmyeyes.

Mycheeksradiatedwithheat.MythroatfeltdryandIwantedtoswallowbutIwastooafraidtomove.

Heheldmecaptivatedbyhiscommandandconfidence.

Hiseyebrowliftedandheletgoofmychin,steppingback.“Iexpectyoutohaveyourowninstrument

bytomorrow.”

I felt my mouth drop open. “I...” There was nothing to say. Was he expecting me to just magically

createone?HowcouldIconvincemyparentstorushoutandpayforaviolinbythatevening?

“Tomorrow.”Hisvoicerosetothatsharpseverity.“Don’tcometoclassunlessyouhaveone.”
Whenthebellrang,Icollectedmybagandranoutintothehallway.TherewasnowayIcouldgeta

violinbytomorrow.IfeltmychestgrowheavywithanticipationoftheargumentIwouldhavetoface
withmymomthatafternoon.IwonderedifIwouldbebackatall.

H

UNGRY

O

utinthehallway,IrealizedforthefirsttimesincethatmorningthatIwaswalkingwithouttheboys

around me. I slowed to a nervous pace. I had gotten used to their company. Without them there, I felt a
littlelost.

NowthatIwasalone,however,Iwasn’tsodistractedbytheguysthatIwasabletocheckoutsomeof

theotherstudents.AsItuggedmybookbagtightertomybody,Ispottedhowsomepeoplewouldcluster
alongthewallsofthehallways,talkingwithfriends,holdinghands.Ievenspottedacouplekissinginthe
shadowsnearadoorway.Iblushedatcatchingsomeoneinsuchanintimatemomentandturnedaway.

As I walked, I couldn’t help but notice how people reacted whenever I was within view. Everyone

seemedcuriousabouteveryfacetheydidn’trecognize.Wouldthisgirllikeme?Wouldhemakefunofmy
clothes?

Asharpwhistlecutthroughthehall,acatcall.Itwistedmyheadinreactionatthefirsttone.Agroup

ofboysleanedagainstthewall.TheylaughedtogetherandIwasn’tquitesureiftheirwhistlingwasmeant
formeorforanyoftheothergirlsaroundme.

“Sang!”Victor’svoicesoundedfrombehindme.Iturnedintimetospothimtryingtohustlepastsome

otherstudentstogettome.“Youshouldhavewaitedbythedoor,”hesaid.Hischeekswereflushed.His
white collared shirt looked rumpled. He smoothed some of his wavy brown hair back away from his
forehead.“Iwascomingforyou.”

“I’msorry,”Isaid.“Mr.Blackbourne...”
“Oh.Yeah,”hesaid,smiling.“Noneedtosaymore.Butnexttimewaitforme.I’llcomegetyou.”He

movednexttomesowewerewalkingtogether.

“Stickingtogether?”Iasked.
His slender frame seemed to move so elegantly next to me that I felt clumsy even though I was just

walking.“It’swhatwedo.”

Ismiled.“Howwasyourmorningsofar?”
Heshrugged.“It’snottheAcademy.”
Iblinkedathim,surprisedthathewouldsayitoutloud.“Isn’tthatsupposedtobeasecret?”
“Noone’slistening,”hesaid.
Whathesaidconfusedme.Icouldn’tfigureoutwhatthissecretschoolmustbelike.Iimagineddark

hallways and masks and other students who were just as intelligent and beautiful as the boys were.
Comparedtothecrackedtilesofthefloor,thelackofvarietyintheclasses,andtherambunctiousstudents
ofAshleyWatersHighSchool,whatwouldinspireninepeopletobotherwithtryingtomakeitbetter?

“SohowwasMr.Blackbourne?”heasked.
“Ineedtogetaviolinbytomorrow,”Isaid.“OrIcan’tgoback.”
Hesmiled.“Yeah,he’sstrict.Canyougetone?”
“It’skindofshortnoticebutI’llhavetoaskmyparents.Mymomisn’ttoohappywithmerightnow.”
Hisfireeyesflickered.“Icangogetyouone.”

Ishookmyhead.“Victor,youcan’t...”
“Isthistherightway?”heasked.Heturnedhishead,lookingfortherightdoor.Ihadafeelingheknew

itwasthecorrectwaybuthehadwantedtochangethesubject.

We had to walk outside and down the long sidewalk to the trailer furthest away from the school,

numberthirty-two.Whilethecrowdthinnedoutconsiderablythefurtheroutwewent,Victorstillwalked
closebesidemesothathisarmwasslightlyinfrontofmine.Anyonewhogaveusaglancemighthave
thoughtwewereholdinghands.Wasthishowotherfriendswalkedtogether?

Heopenedthedoorofthetrailerforme.Northwasalreadyinside,sittinginthebackrow.Igrabbed

theseatinfrontofhimandVictorsatinfrontofme.

“I’minthemiddleagain,”Isaid.“IfIdidn’tknowanybetter,I’dassumeyouguysplannedthis.”
Northplayfullytuggedatastrandofhairhanginginmyface.“Baby,weplaneverything.”
Ididn’tdoubtthis.Nowtheirplansinvolvedme,dictatingwhereIwassittingorwhowalkedwithme

toclass.StrangebutIfoundsomecomfortinit.IonlywishedIknewwhattheyknewsoIdidn’tfeellikeI
wasinthedark.Maybeitonlytookgettingusedto.

Victor sat back in his chair. I admired the way his wavy hair hung around his ears. The clasp to the

cordathisnecklookedtobehangingbytheedge.

“Holdstill,Victor,”Isaid,reachingtohisneck.
Atmytouch,hejumped,rubbingwheremyfingersbrushedhisneckasifIhadpinchedhim.“Whatis

it?”Hiseyebrowscreasedtogether.

“Sorry,”Isaid.“Yournecklace.Theclaspdidn’tlooklikeitwasholdingonverywell.”
Hischeekswentred.“Ithoughtitwasabugorsomething.”
Ilaughed,shakingmyhead.“Iwouldn’thavetouchedabug.”
“Wellthanks.”
“TurnaroundandI’llfixit.”
Hehesitatedandheglancedatothersintheroom.Withhisfacestillred,heturnedaround.Iadjusted

theclaspsothechainwassecure.

“You’regoingtoloseit,”Isaid.“Bemorecareful.”
His fingertips smoothed over the surface of the medallion. I was about to ask him what the symbol

meantbuttheteacherwalkedin.

Mr.Morriswasathinman,withacloselycroppedheadofdarkhairandsmalleyes.Hestoodatthe

frontoftheroom,hisarmscrossedoverhischestandasstraightasanarrow.“Goodmorning.I’mMr.
Morris.YoucancallmeMr.Morrisorsir.Irespondtoeither.”Hemovedtohisdeskandpickedupa
historybook.“You’llneedtopickthisupatthebookstore.Youshouldalwaysbringitwithyoutoclass.
We’llneverhaveadaywherewewon’tbeusingit.”

Thevolumelookedthick,eveninhisbighands.Isatbackinmychair,mylegsslidingalittleunder

Victor’sdesk.IsensedNorthleaningforwardasIcouldnearlyfeelhisbreathonmyhair.

Mr. Morris dropped the book on his desk, and the corresponding slam caused me to jump. “We’re

startingwiththeAgriculturalRevolutionandmovingquicklyintoEgyptandthenthePersians.Assuch,I
wantaonepageessayonmydesktomorrowabouttheAgriculturalRevolution.”

Therewasacollectionofmutteringandafewgroans.
“I’llmakeittwopages.It’snobigdealtomehowmuchyouwrite.”
Theclassquieteddownquickly.Ichewedonmylowerlip.Mr.Morriswasgoingtobetough.

Afterclasswaslunch.Everyonesurgedforthedoors.Victor,NorthandIlingeredbackwellbehind

everyoneelseasweheadedtothemainbuilding.

“Thisbeinginthetrailersisgoingtogetoldquick,”Northsaid.Hestuffedhishandsintohispockets

ashewalked.

“Itmightbenice,”Isaid,readjustingmybackpack.“Imeangettingoutofthebuildingintosomenice

weathershouldbefun.”

“Itwon’talwaysbegoodweather,”Victorsaid.“Whataboutwhenitrains?”
Ipushedmyfingertomylowerlip.“It’snotsobad.Imeanwithanumbrellaandeverything.”
Victorkickedapebbleoffofthesidewalk.“We’llseewhatyousayinthewinter.”
Ihadtosmileatthat.DidhenotrememberthatIwasfromIllinois?Icouldn’timagineSouthCarolina

gettingafewfeetofsnoworbeinganyworseinthewinterthanthat.

Whenwegottothecafeteria,theplacewashecticwithstudentsinlonglinesthatstretchedoutintothe

hallways.Allofthetableswereteeming.Peoplesatagainstthewalls,too.

“Idon’tseeanyoftheguys,”Isaid.
“I found them,” North said, pointing out the window to the outdoor courtyard in the middle of the

building.Inoneofthecorners,IcouldseeSilas’sheadoverthecrowds.

Whenwegotoutside,Iwasrelievedtoseetheywereallthere.Theystoodaroundoneofthebenches,

withacollectionofbookbagspiledupontheconcretebenchseat.

“Thelinesarecrazylong,”Northsaid.“Idon’tknowhowtheygeteveryonefed.”
“I’mhungry,”Gabrielcomplained,grippinghisstomach.“Idon’twanttowaitanhourforfood.Tell

methere’sanopencampuspolicy.”

“Nope,” Kota said. He opened his bag and pulled out a wrapped sandwich. He split it with Victor.

“Nogoingoffcampusonceyou’rehere.”

“There’s some vending machines in the front hallway,” I said. I glanced at Gabriel. “I’ll walk over

withyouifyouwant.”

Gabrielnodded.“Yeah,I’lleatanything.”
IdroppedmybagonthegroundnearNorth’sfeet.“Keepaneyeonit?”
“Grabsomecrackersforme,willyou?”Northasked.Hedippedhishandintohispocketandfounda

coupleofdollars.

IknewIwasbeamingandIcouldn’thideit.Itmademehappytobesomewhatusefultothegroupthat

wasconstantlydoingthingsforme.

“Andgetmeacandybar,”Lukesaid.
“Areyougoingtogivehermoneyforit?”Northasked.
“Youjustdid.”
Northshookhishead.“Gethimsomethingalittlehealthierthancandy,willyou?”
Gabriellaughedandthengrabbedmyarm.“Comeon.”
Themainhallwaywasevenmorecrowdedthanitwasthatmorning.Thecafeteriawasn’tbigenough

toaccommodateovertwothousandstudentsatonce.Therewasalineforthevending.Westoodarmto
armatthebackofthelineforourturn.

“Nowondereveryoneherelooksgrumpyandgetsintofights,”Isaid.“Everyone’shungry.”
Gabriel said nothing, seeming distracted by students leaning against the trophy cases, some sitting

down on the floor. I felt their eyes on us. I realized that Gabriel and I were dressed a little nicer than
everyoneelse.Mostoftheotherstudentsseemedtobewearingjeansandt-shirts.Thegirlsworejeans
andlowcuttops.GabrielandIstoodoutmoreherewithouttheothers.

Thelinecreptforward.Machinesspitbackoutdollarbillsmoreoftenthantheyacceptedthem.
“Whatareyougetting?”Gabrielasked.
“Iwasn’tgoingto,”Isaid.“Ididn’tbringanymoney.”

Hiseyebrowsshotup.Hebrushedhisfingersthroughthelockofblondhangingnexttohiseyes.“Then

whydidyousayyou’dcomewithme?”

Iblinkedathim.“Soyouwouldn’tgoalone.Ithoughtthatwaswhatweweredoing.Alwayssticking

togetherlikeKotasaid.”

Hiscrystaleyeslitup.“Youdummy.Tellmewhatyouwant.I’llgetit.”
“It’sokay,Idon’t...”
“Justpicksomething.”
I hesitated. I had been so anxious that morning that eating wasn’t really a concern. My stomach was

stillrattlingfromnervousnessnow.

“SaysomethingorI’llbuyyouoneofeverything,”Gabrielwarned.Hepokedatmyarmwithalean

finger.“Pick.Pick.Pick.”

“Maybesomecrackers,please,”Isaid,relenting.
Intheend,wereturnedwithtwopacketsofcrackers,threepackagesoftrailmix,acouplecandybars,

andthreebottlesofwater.

“Whattookyouguyssolong?”Lukesaidasweapproached.Hereachedforacandybar.“Wewere

aboutsendarescueteam.”

“You’re lucky we came back at all with stuff,” Gabriel said, opening one of the trail mix packages.

“Eventhevendingmachineswerenearlyempty.Iwasgoingtogetmorebutweweretakingtoolongand
thelinebehinduswasgrumbling.”

IhandedNorthsomecrackersandhischange.Hestuffedthemoneybackintohispocket,rippingopen

thecrackers.

IopenedthecrackersGabrielboughtforme.InoticedSilaseyeballingus.Ismiledtohimandpointed

mypackageathim.

Hestartedtowavehishand.“It’sokay,”hesaid.
“Eatone,”Isaid.
Hereachedandtookacracker,smiling.“Thanks.”
GabrielhandedsomeofthetrailmixouttoNathanandVictor.“Welcometofinediningatthisfucking

school.”

Kota shook his head and pushed his glasses up his nose. “Look at us scraping for food. This is

ridiculous.”Hereachedintohisbagandpulledoutapackageofchips.Heopeneditandofferedittothe
others.

“Iguesstheonlyansweristobringstuffeveryday,”Isaid.“We’llknowbettertomorrow.”
Between us, we managed to share Kota’s lunch and what we got from the vending machine and we

sharedthebottlesofwater.

As we stood there together, I recognized a few geek groups and a cluster of hippies sitting on their

bookbagsinthegrassaroundthecourtyard.Comparedtotherestofthecrowdedhallsoftheschool,the
courtyardactuallyseemedpeaceful.Theweatherwashotbutifitkeptthecourtyardfrombeingcrowded,
Ithoughtitwouldbenicetositoutsideeveryday.Asmallcornerofpeacefromthechaosinside.

“Well,”Kotasaid,pickinguphisbookbagandstanding.“Iwanttocheckoutthelibrary.Anyoneelse

going?”

“Iwill,”Isaid.IhadnoideawherethelibrarywasandIwascuriousaboutit.“Weshouldprobably

pickupatleastoneofthosebooksforEnglish,right?”

Kotabrightenedatthesuggestion.“Mightaswellstartnow.”
“Awcomeon,it’sthefirstday,”Gabrielcomplained.“Stayherewithus,Sang.”
“You should get one, too,” I said. “Come on. We’ll all get the same book and then we can compare

notes.”

Heseemedtolikethisideaandhepickeduphisbookbag.
“I guess I should go, too,” Luke said. He grabbed the notebook I had given him earlier. There were

doodlesonthefrontcover.Atleastheuseditforsomething.

Whenhisheadtilted,Irecognizedmyclip.Hisblondlockswerepulledbackandtwistedinasimilar

waythatIdidmine.

Ismirkedathim.“Nicehair,”Isaid.
Helookedsurprisedandreachedback,hisfingerscatchingthecurveoftheclip.“Likeit?It’sanew

thingIpickedup.”

“Hethreatenedmeinthehallway,Sang,”Gabrielwhined.“Ididn’twanttogiveittohim.Iwasgoing

togiveitback.Eventually.”

I sighed. Luke was right. I’d need to bring reserve clips around Gabriel. Perhaps even additional

sparesforLuke.

WewereheadedoutofthecourtyardwhenInoticedSilaswasfollowingus.IpausedsoIcouldfall

backandwalknexttohim.

“Doyouhavesomerequiredreading,too?”
“No,”hesaid.“Butwe’vegotourclasscomingup.IthoughtIshouldstickwithyousowecouldwalk

together.”

It was so thoughtful and while I wanted to say so, I couldn’t find the words. Instead, I smiled as

warmlyasIcould.HedippedhishandsintohispocketsaswefollowedKotaupthemainstairwelland
throughasetofhallways.

Thesecondfloorwasempty.
“Howcomenoonehangsoutuphere?”Iasked.
“Theyprobablyaren’tsupposedto,”Kotasaid.“Therearelockersuphere.Iimaginetheydon’twant

toencouragetheftorpropertydamage.”

Still,therewasnoonearoundtotellustonotbethere.Iwonderedhowwellthoseupperhallways

weremonitored.

Wefoundthelibraryattheendofonelonghallway,asiftuckedawayinthemostdistantcornerofthe

school.Kotaheldthedooropenforusandweallsteppedin.

The library appeared to be the same size as my garage at home. Shelves were lined up around the

walls of the room. There were a handful of older computers in one corner with Windows 2000
screensavers. There was a small circulation desk, painted in orange and brown and two women with
peach-tintedhairandglassesstoodguardbehindit.

We were the only students in the library. The librarians’ eyes followed us as we moved toward the

wallsofshelves.Itwashardtotellifwewereunexpectedoriftheyfelttheyneededtomonitorussowe
didn’tdamageorstealanything.

“Hm,”Kotasaid,lookingthroughtherowsofbooks.“Itappearstobeonlyencyclopediasandallthe

requiredreadingbooks.Notalotofotheroptions.”

IpickedupacopyofTheCountofMonteCristo,thecoverwastorninhalfandthebindingwasalittle

loose.“Goodthingwecametoday.Thereareonlyahandfulofcopiesofeach.”

EveryoneexceptSilasdebatedonwhichbooktostartwithbutitwasKotathatdecidedtostartwith

Dracula.“It’soneoftheonlyoneswithfourcopiesavailable.We’llgosomewhereelseforthenextbook.
Ifeelguiltyasitisjusttakingtheirlastcopiesofthis.”

“I’vereadafewofthesealready,”Isaid,checkingoutthereadinglistagain.
“Iknow.Me,too,”hesaid.“Savetheonesyou’vealreadyreadjustincasethingsgetbusylater.Ifnot,

we’llusethingswe’vealreadyreadforthelastcoupleoftestsandhaveaneasytimebeforefinals.”

That was pretty clever thinking. I was happy that Kota was there or I would have been tempted to

rereadsomethingIalreadyknew.

WewereatthecirculationdeskbeforeIrealizedtheothershadpulledoutcards.
“Do I need a library card?” I asked. “It hadn’t occurred to me that there might be one. In my last

school,thelibrarianjusttypedinyourname.”

“It’s a school ID,” Luke said. “You were supposed to go get one during study hall... oh wait, that’s

right.Youdidn’tgetastudyhall.”

Irubbedafingertipovermyeyebrow.“Ididn’trealizeweneededone.”
Kotatookthebookfromme.“I’llgetthis.Silas,yougowithhertogetherID.”
“Areyousure?”IaskedKota.
Hesmiledatmeandnodded.“Don’tworry.Ifyouforgettoturnitin,Iknowwhereyoulive.I’llcome

byandgetit.”

Myeyeswidenedandhelaughed.Heknewhowtokeepmeinline.

IwalkedalongsideSilasthroughthequiethallways.Itwasstartingtofeellikearushtogeteverything

donetoday.Ifeltflusteredtryingtocomeupwithsomethingtotalkaboutbutheseemedcontenttowalk
quietlybesideme.

“You’regoingtojointhebaseballteamhere,right?”Iasked,finallysettlingforsports.Iknewheliked

baseball.

“I’mconsideringchangingmymind,”hesaid.“Icheckedoutthefieldanditlooksprettybad.Besides,

thefootballcoachwasbuggingmethismorningabouttryouts.”

Ilookedupathimbuthestaredattheground,hisfaceunreadable.“Footballisn’tyourfavorite?”
“Notreally.”
“Sowhysettleforfootball?Whynotgowithsomethingyoulove?”
Heshrugged.“Noteverythingworksoutthewayyouwantitto.”
“Itshould,”Isaid.Ifeltitwastrue.Therewassomuchfunstufftodooutthereanditseemedsillyto

wastetimewithdoingsomethingyoudidn’twant.Ispentalotoftimeatmyparents’housewhenother
kids were in dancing school or summer camps or going to the park to play. Even now my mind was
turningastowhatIcoulddo,whatmyparentswouldallowformetodo,thatinvolvedmoretimeaway
fromthehouse.“Maybethebaseballteamcoulduseaplayerlikeyou.Someonewithtalentandpassion
forthegame.Itmightinspireotherstoplay.”

His lips curled up. “Perhaps. I might do both. Football for the fall, baseball in the spring. Mr.

Blackbournemightwantmetodoit,anyway.ImaytrytoconvinceNorthtogowithme.”

“DoesNorthlikesports?”
“Watchingthem,”hesaid.“Hehatesplaying.Hedoesn’treallylikebeingtoldwhattodo.”
Silas lead the way to the offices downstairs and near the front of the building. We followed a small

corridornearthenurses’office.Aroundwoodtablehadbeensetupwithacomputerhookedtoacamera
andaprintingstation.Ateachersatbyamachine.Sheaskedmyname,typeditinacomputerandhadme
standinfrontofabluesheetofpaperthathadbeentapedtothewall.

IwaswaitingforthephototoflashwhenSilasgotintomylineofsight.“Smile,”hesaid.
Iblushed.“It’sjustaschoolphoto.”
Heshrugged.“Doitanyway.SaycheeseorfiddlesticksorSanFranciscoorwhatever.”
I felt my lips moving into a grin hearing him say fiddlesticks and the camera light flashed. Red and

greencolorswashedovermyeyes.

In five minutes, I had a photo ID where my cheeks were pink and I had a crazy smile. I couldn’t

rememberthelasttimeI’dhadmypicturetaken,somyfacelookedstrangetome.

“Ilookterrible,”Isaid,holdingmyIDupandanalyzinghowmyhairlookedmangledononeside.
“Let me see,” Silas said, reaching for the card. He tilted it toward his face, angling it away from a

gleamoflightreflectedinit.“It’snotbad.You’recute.”

Irubbedmyhandsovermycheeksastheyfelthot.“Ionlyhavetouseitiftheyaskforit,right?And

forthelibrary?”

“Ithinktheyuseitasyouryearbookpicture,too.”
Myeyeswidened.Hebrokeintoagrinandstartedlaughing.
“That’snotfunny,”Isaid,reachingfortheID.
Hehelditupovermyhead.“Imightkeepthis.Idon’thaveapictureofyou.”
IleaptintoalmostanenpointeonmytoesforitbutwithSilasbeingsotall,hehelditoutsideofmy

reacheasily.Istumbledforward,andthroughinstinctputoutahandtostopmyselfandendeduppushing
intohim.IletgoquicklyafterIwasstable.Hejerkedhischestforward,bendingoveralittle,feigning
beinghurt.Isteppedawayfromhim,walkingbackwardandlaughingatthecrazyfacehewasmaking.I
backedupintosomethingsolid.

I turned and my heart dropped into my shoes in horror as I faced a bristled Mr. McCoy, the vice

principal.

“Youhaveanastyhabitofrunningintopeople,MissSorenson,”hesaid.Hebrushedathisbrownsuit

coatasifIhadsoiledit.“Youshouldwatchwhereyou’regoing.”Hischubbycheeksprotrudedandhis
wateryeyessquintedatme.

Myfingerfluttereduptomylowerlip.Ireceded.SilascameupbehindmeandIstoppedsoIwouldn’t

bumpintohim,too.“I’msosorry,Mr.McCoy.”

Hissmalleyessliddowntomyskirt.Isnappedtoattention,puttingmyhandstomythighstoshowhim

myskirtwaswellwithinregulation.Hescowled,lookingbackupatme.“Goofingoffinthehallwaysis
notpermitted.”

“WeweregettingourIDs,”Silassaid.“Andnowwe’reheadingtoournextclass.”
Thebellrangandthehallwaymovedintoactionwithstudentsshufflingoffindifferentdirections.
Mr.McCoyclearedhisthroat.“Followme,MissSorenson.Ibelievethere’sadetentionslipwithyour

nameonitinmyoffice.”

“Idon’tbelieveanaccidentisacauseforadetention,sir,”Silasreplied.
I bit my lip, reaching back to touch Silas’s arm, silently pleading with him to not press the issue. I

didn’twanthimtogetadetention,too.

Mr.McCoyturnedtohim,squintingintoSilas’sface.“You’reoneofMr.Blackbourne’skids,aren’t

you?”

Silasglaredbackathim.“I’mfromtheAcademy.”
“Notnowyouaren’t,”hesaid,hislipscurlingintoasneer.“Don’tthinkforoneminuteIwon’tgive

youdetention,too.Orworse.”Hejerkedisheadbacktome.“I’mgoingtoletyougothistime.Thenext
time I see you, you better keep your head down. I’ll be watching.” He glanced once more at Silas and
stalkeddownthehallway.

IletgoofthebreathI’dbeenholding.“Silas...”
Heshookhisheadandgrabbedmyhand.“Comeon,”hesaid.“We’regoingtobelate.”

We slid into class at the last minute and took two seats near the back. I collapsed into the chair,

panting.Mr.McCoywasgoingtobeaproblem.

“Thatwastheviceprincipal,right?”Silasasked,tiltingoverthetopofhisdesktotalktome.
“Yeah,”Isaid.“Ican’tbelieveIranintohimtwice.”
“Idon’tthinkthiswasyourfault.Hewaswatchingusfromdownthehallandwhenwegotclose,he

leanedintoyou.Hewaswaitingforthis.”

Mymouthfellopen.“Hewaslookingtogivemedetention?”
Silas’slipspursedandheshookhisheadbutdidn’tsayanything.Whateveritwas,IwassureIwanted

to keep clear of Mr. McCoy. What stopped him this time? Was it Silas or the lingering name of the
AcademythatmadeMr.McCoyrecanthispromiseofadetention?WasheafraidoftheAcademy?

F

LIRTING

W

hiletheteacherwasgoingovertheagenda,Ishiftedmyfeetundermydesk.Istoppedshort,hitting

whatIthoughtwasmybookbag.IcheckedsoIcouldmoveit.Silassnappedhisfeetfromundermychair,
hiskneeknockingintohisdesktop.Hecoveredhiskneewithhishandsandhesuckedthroughhisteeth
once.

“Sorry,”Iwhisperedtohim.“Ididn’tmeantoscareyou.IthoughtIhitmybookbag.”
“Don’tworryaboutit,”hesaid,andputhisheadtothedesk.Heletgoofhisknee,butIcouldtellhe

wasuncomfortable.Hehadtotuckhislegsinanoddangle.Thedesksweren’tmadeforsomeonesotall.

“Hey,”Isaid.“Ifyouneedtostretchyourlegs,goaheadandputthemundermydesk.”
Hesatup,hischeekstintedred.Withhisblacklocksagainsthisfaceandhisoliveskin,itwasreally

handsome.“Idon’twanttobeinyourway.”

“Don’tsweatit.Stretchyourlegsout.”
Hedid,leaningbackinhisseatuntilhisfeetwerestickingoutfromundermydesk.Imovedmyfeet

untilIhadoneoneachsideofhislegs.

“There,”Isaid.“Nobigdeal.I’lljustknowit’syoudownthere.IfIkickyou,I’msorry.”
Thecornerofhismouthcurledup.“Ditto.”
Wesatlikethatthroughclass.OnoccasionIwouldrockmyankle,forgettinghewasthere.Myheel

wouldgentlybumpintohisleg.Hedidn’tjumplikebefore.AtsomepointIwasunconsciouslyleaningmy
footagainsthim.WhenIrealizedIwasdoingit,Ifroze,unsureifIshouldmoveitquickly.Ididn’twant
tospookhimagain.

Heneversaidawordaboutit.
When the bell rang, he walked with me through the hallway. “My next class is near yours,” he said.

“Victor’sonhisway,right?”

Inodded.“Heshouldbe.”
Weendeduppushedtogetheronourwayupthemainstairs.SilasmovedmeuntilIwasstandingin

frontofhim.Ididn’tunderstandwhyuntilInoticedhowsquishedweendedupbeing.Iwasstandingso
closetothegirlinfrontofmethatIcouldsmelltheshampooinherhair.Silaskepthimselfsoclose,that
whenIhadtostopsuddenly,hischestbumpedintomyhead.

Thestairwellwasgoingtobeaproblem.Toomanystudentsneededtogetarounditandeveryonewas

inahurry.SilaskeptahandonmyshouldertheentiretimeandIwasgratefulforitasIfeltunstable.I
thoughtforsureatsomepointI’dtripandgettrampled.

Whenwewereonthesecondfloorandclosetomynextclass,Dr.Greenappearedinthehallwayright

outsidethedoor.“Oh!”hesaid,lookingupandsmiling.Irelaxedashisgentlegazecaughtmyeyes.Out
ofalltheteachersIhadcomeacrossthatday,IknewDr.Greenwouldbemyfavorite.Irememberedhow
kindhewaswithmeatregistration.Itseemedstrangehewouldteachaclass.Helookedthesameageas
Mr.Blackbourne,nineteenatthemost.Hissoftgreeneyeslitupwithrecognition.“Hello,MissSorenson.
AndSilas,you’renotinmyclass,areyou?”

Silasshookhishead.“Notthistime,doc.”
“It’sashame,”Dr.Greensaid.“Learningathirdlanguagewouldlookgoodonaresume.”
“What'stheotherlanguageyouknow?”IaskedSilas.
“Greek,”hesaid,hisdarkeyessparking.
“You’venotsaidonewordtomeinGreek,”Iteased.IwasembarrassedthatIdidn’tknowthis.Iknew

hewasfromEuropebutInevergotthechancetoaskwherehewasfromandwhileonoccasionhedid
carryanaccent,hisEnglishwassofluentthatIoftenforgot.

“M'areseiotroposposgelas,”hesaid,andhewavedgoodbyeashewalkedontowardhisclass.
IlookedtoDr.Green.“Doyouknowwhathesaid?”
“I’mafraidIdon’tknowGreek,”hesaid,aslightsmileonhislips.“Butitsoundedromantic.Areyou

twodating?”

Iflinchedoutofsurprise.Areteacherssupposedtotakeaninterestinstudentslikethat?Iblushedbut

shookmyhead.“Ohno,we’refriends,”Isaid.

Henoddedandadjustedthegreentieathisneck.“Ahwell.”Washedisappointedorpleased?Itwas

difficulttotell.

Ifoundacoupleofdesksnearthebackandtookone,puttingmybagintheseatbehindmeforVictor.I

wastemptedtotakethebackbuttheguysseemedtoenjoysittingbehindme.Iwasn’tsurewhybutIdidn’t
mind.

Heslippedinatthelastminute.“Ihatethetrailers,”hesaid,movingmybookbagoutoftheseatandto

thefloorforme.

“Me,too,”Iwhisperedtohim.
Dr. Green stood at the front of the class, writing his name in Japanese on the board and wrote it in

Englishbelowthat.“Goodafternoon,class,”hesaid.

Isaidasoftgoodafternoon,butnooneelseintheclassjoinedme.
Dr.Greenlaughed.“Ithinkmyclassismissing.Didnooneshowuptoday?I’llhavetomarkeveryone

asabsent.IbelieveIsaidgoodafternoon.”

Theroomchorusedalowmurmuring‘goodafternoon’inreply.
“Thiswon’tdo,”Dr.Greensaid.“I’mheretoteachyouJapanese.Ican’tverywellteachyouEnglish,

too.” He folded his arms behind his back and walked up through an aisle between two rows of desks.
“We’ll be taking a lot of time to discuss Japan and the culture and of course, the language. You’ll be
practicing with your classmates.” He made a loop around behind the back row of desks and strolled
towardthefrontoftheclass.“Assuch,Ithinkrightnowisthetimetoselectapartner.Iwantyoutowork
onaprojectforme.”

Therewasacollectivegroan.IglancedbackatVictor,hisfireeyesflickeredatme.Wealreadyhad

ourpartners.

“Groaningisnotaword,”Dr.Greensaid.“Inthisclass,weuseourwordstoexpressourselves.And

get ready for it. A month from now, we won’t be using English at all. If you can’t say it in formal
Japanese,youwon’tbeabletodoanything.Thatincludespermissiontoleavemyclassroom.”Dr.Green
rockedonhisfeetinfrontoftheroom,asoftsmileonhisface.“Let’shopeIremembertotellyouwhat
thephraseisfirst...”Heshookhishead.“Butfornow,pickapartner.Iwantyoutopreparealistofthings
youbothalreadyknowaboutJapan.Iwanttoseehowmuchmystudentsknowabouttheplacewewillbe
studying.”

“WhatdoyouknowaboutJapan?”IaskedVictor,turningintheseattofacehim.
Heshookhishead,aslightsmileonhisface.“Theygrowrice.”
Ireachedforanotebookandapeninmybag.“Doyouwanttowriteitdown?”

“Youwrite,”hesaid.“Yourhandwritingisnicer.”
“Howwouldyouknow?”
“Girlsalwayshavenicehandwriting.”
Ismirkedathim,ploppingthenotebookonhisdesk.“Iwanttoseeyours.”
Hetookthepenfrommyhandandwrotesomethinginthenotebook.HeflippedoverthenotebooksoI

couldreadit.

Japangrowsrice.
“It’snotbad,”Isaid,beinghonest.I’dreadworse.Hiswaslegible.
“Butyouprobablywriteallswirlyandwithheartsandstuff,”hesaid,fiddlingwiththemedallionat

hisneck.

“Idon’tusehearts,”Isaid.“Unlessyouwantmeto.”Itookthenotebookandwroteournamesatthe

topofthepage.Iusedmyplainestwritingformyownnameandwrotehisinagirlyscript,usingaheart
overthe“i”.

“He’sgoingtoknowyoudidthat,”hesaid.“Heknowsmyhandwriting.”
“Yeahbutnooneelsewill,”Isaid.“Andwehavetopassitupattheendofclass,right?”
Hiseyeswentwide.“Youwouldn’t.”
“Ialreadydid.”
Herolledhiseyes,reachingforthepeninmyhandsbutIputitbehindmyback.
“What’swrong?Ilikeyournameinhearts.”Iwasfeelinggood.IthoughtIwouldlikethisclassandI

washappyVictorwastherewithmetoshareit.ItwasthefirsttimeIwasn’tfeelingsonervousthatday.

He smiled but his cheeks tinted red. He shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. “Stop

beingsodamncute.”

“Victor?”Dr.Greensaid.
Dr.Greenapproachedmydesk.Ispunaroundtositproperly.
“Dr.Green.”Victorsatup,pullinghisshouldersbacktofacehim.
“Ifyou’regoingtoflirtwithMissSanginmyclass,itmustbedoneinJapanese.”Dr.Greenbrusheda

lockofhissandy-coloredhairfromhisforehead.“Ibelieveyouweresayingsheiscute?InJapanese,you
saykawa...”

“I’mnotdoingthat,”Victorsaid,interruptinghim,blushingagainandturninghisheadaway.
Otherstudentslisteninginstartedtogiggle.
“No?” Dr. Green looked at me. “Well in that case...” He picked up my hand. His warm fingers

wrappedaroundminedelicately.“Kimi ga ite shiawase. Koi ni ochite shimatta.” He bowed his head,
puckeredhislipsandhoveredatthecrestofmyknucklesasifhewereabouttokissmyhand.

Thewholeclassaroundusstartedtogasp.
Hestoppedamillimeterawayandhisbreathteasedthebackofmyhand.Hegazedup,smiledatme

andwinked.“Thatishowyoutalktoalady.”

Ifeltmycheeksandearsgettinghot.“Whatdoesitmean?”Iasked,myvoicecatching.
“Whenyoufigureitout,I’llgiveyouafreeAonyournexttest.”Heletgoofmyhand.Hestoodfully,

puttinghishandsbehindhisbackagainandheadedtothefrontoftheroom.“Arewefinished?Idon’tsee
pensandpencilsmoving.Pleasedon’tturninapaperwithjusttwoorthreethings.Iamhopingmyclass
isbrighterthantheaveragestudentpopulation.”

Whispersfilledtheroom.EyesfocusedonmeandIslidfurtherintomyseat,unsurehowtorespond.

Somanyquestionspoppedintomymind.

Academyteacherswereverydifferent.

Victorescortedmetothegymformynextclass.Hewasquiet,gazingatthefloorandhebumpedinto

otherstudentsashewalked.

“Victor?”
“Hm?”
“IsDr.Greennormallylikethat?”
Hisfireeyesmetmine.Heconsideredme,aneyebrowraised.“Youmeankissinggirlsinthemiddleof

theclassroom?”

Mycheekswarmedagain.“Heneverdidkissmyhand.”
“Hewouldhave,”Victorsaid,gazingdownathistoesagain.“Andyes,he’slikethat.”
“Doyouknowwhathesaidtome?Thekimiga--”
“No,”hesaid,histonerising.Hischeeksturnedred.“Ihavenoideawhathesaid.”
Was he being honest or did he not want to tell me? And why was he snappy with me? I stopped

walking,rewrappingmyfingersaroundthestrapsofmybag.“Hey,”Isaid.“Iwasjustasking.”

“Wellstopaskingmeabouthim.Whothehellcareswhathesaid?”hescoffed.Hisfacechangedand

hereachedintohispocket,pullingouthiscellphone.Heglancedatthemessagesandfrowned.“I’vegot
togo.”

“Victor?”Iaskedbuthewasalreadywalkingaway.HewanderedoffintothecrowdandIlostsightof

him.

Icouldn’tunderstandhim.Whywouldhebesoangrywithme?WasitbecauseIbasicallystartedit

andembarrassedusbothinclass?Isighed.SometimelaterIneededtoremindmyselftoapologizetohim
forit.

Andwherewashegoing?

Since it was the first day of gym class, all of the students for that period collected in the large

gymnasium.Thebleacherswereclosedandtherewasawideareaofthefloorinfrontofthebasketball
court.Thegirlsweredirectedtoonehalfoftheareaandtheguystotheother.Weweretoldtositonthe
ground. I knelt in my skirt, the wood felt rough against my already bruised knees. I slid onto my butt
quicklyforrelief.Itwasawkwardbutmykneesdidn’thurt.

IfoundGabrielrightawayacrosstheroom.Iwavedtohimtocatchhiseye.Hiseyesbrightenedwhen

henoticedandhewavedback.ImovedsoIwassittingclosetotheoutsideofthegroupofgirlsandhe
didthesameonhisside,sittingontheedgeoftheboy’sgroup.Thegymteacherswereclusteredtogether
underoneofthebasketballgoals.Theytalkedtothemselves,hoveringovertheirclipboards.

“Where’sNathan?”Iaskedhim.
“Idon’tknow,”hesaid.Hetuckedfingersthroughhishair,combingthelocksofblondebehindhisear

toblendinwiththebrown.“Ithoughthewouldbehere.”

Itwistedmylips.“Youknow,Victorgotamessageonhisphoneandranoff.Wouldtheybetogether?

Didsomethinghappen?”

Gabriel’seyebrowsarchedandhismouthopenedinsurprised.Hefixedhimselfquickly,shruggedand

shookhishead.“It’sprobablynothingtoworryabout.”

Icouldn’tbesurebutitseemedlikeGabrielknewmorethanhewaslettingon.Whatweretheboys

doing that was so important that they would miss a class on the first day of school? Kota would be
furious. So would Mr. Blackbourne and Dr. Green. I hoped whatever was going on, they wouldn’t find
themselvesintrouble.

The gym instructors started to talk to all of us as a group, informing us about where to pay for gym

uniforms, giving us sheets of paper as an insurance waiver for our parents to sign and a gym locker

numberwithalockcombo.Wewouldbegivenfiveminutestobedressedandinthegymeveryday.Our
gradedependedonusbeingthereontimeanddailyparticipation.

Coach French, the girl’s instructor, barked at us. “We will also be requiring everyone to pass the

physical exam. We’re going to do that soon to get it out of the way. This includes the mile run, sit ups,
push-ups...everything.”

Imadeaface,squirmingtofindacomfortablewaytositthatwasmodestinaskirtwithoutsittingon

myknees.

“Don’tlikethesoundofexercising?”Gabrielasked.
Iswallowed,tryingtofindagooddistractionsohewouldn’tnotice.“Ihaterunning.”
Helaughed.“Youknowwhat’sthebestpartaboutrunning?”
“What?”
“Thestopping.”
Ilaughedwithhim.“Yes.Iagree.”
After this, there was nothing for us to do but wait until the end of class. They allowed us to talk

togetherandthegymseemedtovibratewiththevoicesofourchatterechoingintheroom.

The door of the gym opened and from the hallway walked in Mr. McCoy and Principal Hendricks.

Theycrossedthebasketballcourttogether,talkingtoeachother.PrincipalHendricksfoldedhisarmsover
his chest, his gaze searching the students. Mr. McCoy instantly spotted me, leaned in and whispered
somethingtothePrincipal.Myheartthudded.Washegoingtogivemedetentionforsittingincorrectly?

“Whoarethey?”Gabrielasked,catchingwhereIwaslookingandmyexpression.
“It’stheprincipalandtheviceprincipal.”
“Whydoyoulooklikeyou’reabouttorunoutthedoor?”Hesmirked,pokingatmyarm.“Areyouin

troublealready?”

“Idon’tknowyet,”Isaid.
Gabriel’s face turned solemn and he twisted around to watch with me. Mr. McCoy and Principal

Hendrickscrossedthegymtowardus.

“Excuseme,kids.We’dhatetointerrupt,”Hendricksspoketobothofus.GabrielandIstoodupsowe

couldaddresshim.“You’reoneofMr.Blackbourne’skids?Mr.Coleman,right?”heaskedGabriel.

Henodded,hiscrystalblueeyesdarkened.Hekepthishandsbehindhisback.“Yes,sir.HowcanI

helpyou?”

“Mr.Morgandidn’tshowupforhislastclasstoday.Wouldyouhaveanideaastowhy?”
Gabrielglancedatmequicklyandshookhishead.“Ihavenoidea.Perhapshefeltillandwenttosee

thenurse?”

Mr. McCoy’s eyes lingered on me for most of this conversation but he turned to look at the other

students.“Wasn’tthereanotheroneofyouinthisclass?AMr.Griffin?”

Weretheykeepingtabsontheguys?“He’snothere,”Isaidsoftly.
PrincipalHendricksraisedabushygrayeyebrow.Hisbaldheadgleamedunderthebrightlightsinthe

gym.“Ishesick,too?”

“I’m sure if you ask Mr. Blackbourne,” Gabriel said, “he would know. We are required to report to

him.”

Principal Hendrick’s friendly face turned serious. “I understand there might be some differences in

howyouhandlethingsatyourAcademy.Inthefuture,though,pleasereporttoeithermyselforMr.McCoy
ifthereareeveranymoreincidences.”Hiseyesfellonmeandhissmilereturned,butfromthewayhis
lipscurledonhismouth,itwaslikestaringintothefaceofacrocodile.“Keeptheseboysinline,won’t
youMissSorenson?Tellthatprofessorofyourstocallme.”

Iblushed,surprisedheknewmyname.HethoughtIwasfromtheAcademy?“ButI...”
“Don’t worry,” he said, patting my shoulder. “I’m helping our newest students to adjust. I know it’s

differentthanwhatyou’reusedto.”

Heturnedaway.Mr.McCoycoughedshortly,shotaglareatmeandsaunteredawaywiththeprincipal,

headingbackoutofthegym.

MyfingerstrembledandIpressedmyhandstomythighstostillthem.IlookedtoGabriel,whowas

shakinghishead.

“Gabriel,”Isaid.“Whatwasthat?”
Hiscrystalblueeyesmetmine.Thatcrazysmilereturnedtohisface,maskingtheworryhecarrieda

momentago.“Whoknows?Thoseguysareweird.”

The moment class was over, Gabriel strolled beside me toward the busses. The mass of students

aroundusmadeithardtowalktogether.Gabrielsoughtoutmyhandtokeepmenearby.Thesuddenness
and ease of him simply holding my hand had me blushing. Not that it mattered as other students held
hands.Itjustmatteredtomeasmyalreadyoverworkedheartquiveredathistouch.

Hepulledhiscellphoneoutwithhisfreehandandwastypingsomethingin.
“IfVictor’sgone,doesthatmeanyou’restuckhere?”Iaskedhim,knowingVictorhaddrivenhimthere

thatmorning.

Gabriellookedupforamomentandgavemeanotherreassuringsmile.“Ohdon’tworry.I’llprobably

justcatchthebuswithyou.”

“Withme?”
“Yeah.I’llhangoutatKota’s.It’sokay.”
I bit my lip. This felt like a pre-arranged plan. So Victor’s sudden disappearance was expected to

happenatsomepoint.Ifthatwasthecase,thenGabrielknewmorethanhewastellingme.Icouldn’tthink
ofthequestionstoasktofigureoutthetruth.

Gabriel’s phone vibrated and beeped in his hand. He checked it. “Victor and Nathan have training.

They’rewithMr.Blackbournenow.”Heputhisphoneinhispocket.“See?They’refine.”

“Whatkindoftraining?”Iasked.“Whatdoesthatmean?IsitfortheAcademy?”
Heshrugged,squeezingmyhand.“Don’tworryaboutit,okay?”
Howcouldhebesocalm?Theyskippedaclassonthefirstdayandtheadministrationknewaboutit.

“Theycan’tskipclasslikethat,”Isaid.“Whyistheprincipalcheckinguponeveryone?It’sthesecond
timeIsawhimtoday.”

Gabrielblinkedatme.“Whatdoyoumean?”
I described to him what happened in homeroom with North and Luke and how he had asked about

uniforms.

Gabrielrubbedthebackofhishead.“Nowthat’sreallyweird.”
Wegotontomybus.Kotawasalreadyinaseatinthemiddle.IslidinnexttohimandGabrieltookthe

seatacrosstheaisle.

“Good,”Kotasaid.“Youmadeit.Inthismess,IwasworriedIwouldgohomealone.”Hislipscurled

upandhisgreeneyesbrightenedatseeingme.Hedidn’tseemonebitfazedthatGabrielwasonthebus,
too.Heappearedusedtogettingunexpectedvisitors.

“DoyouknowwhereNathanis?”IaskedKota.
His smile faltered for a moment but he recovered it quickly. “He’s at training?” he looked over my

shoulderatGabriel.IturnedintimetoseeGabrielexpressingsomethingtohimbutGabrielchangedhis
faceandflashedmeagrin.

Isighed,sittingbackwithmyarmsfoldedovermychest.“Whatkindoftrainingisthis?”
“Probablyjujitsu.”Kotasaid.
“Duringthemiddleofschool?”
“Uh...”
“WithVictorandMr.Blackbourne?”
Hisfaceturnedpale.“Well...”
I pursed my lips and rubbed a palm over my forehead. What kind of Academy was this school they

wentto?Theywouldtaketheirstudentsoutofclassforsurprisejujitsutraining?Ididn’tneedtoask.This
was a lie to mask whatever secret the Academy made them swear to keep. I wasn’t allowed to know.
“Fine,”Isaid.“Youdon’thavetotellme.”TheybothblinkedatmeinreplysoIwenton.“Imeanyou
saidit,Kota.Therearesomethingsyoucan’ttellme.Justtellmethat.It’ssomethingyoucan’ttellme.”

A smile crossed his lips. He leaned in to me so close I could feel his breath on my ear as he

whispered.“It’llbefine,”hesaid.“Ipromise.”

Itwouldhavetodofornow.TherewasnowayIcouldmakethemtellme.Butwhydidtheymakeit

sound so dangerous? Or was it they didn’t want to put me in the middle in case they got into trouble?
Plausible deniability? A secret school for unusual people. In my mind, the dark mystery school I
envisionedtheAcademybeingwasfullofninjasallsparringinsilence.

Thebuswaswarmandasitfilledupwithstudents,Istartedsweating.Therewerenearlydoublethe

amountofkidsfromthatmorning.EventuallyKotaandImovedovertomakeroomforGabriel.Wewere
sittingwithourthighspressedagainsteachother.Allthestudentswerelikethat.

“Howmanystudentscanthisbushold?”Iwonderedoutloud.
“Probablynotthismany,”Gabrielsaid,squeezinginclosertomeasanotherstudentpassedustogetto

theback.Iwasn’tquitesure,butitlookedlikeinsomeseatstherewereatleastfourstudents.

Itfeltstrangelyexotictobesoclosetothetwoofthem.Iconsideredthembothverygoodlookingand

simplybeingfriendswithguyswhoweresohandsomewasstillamazingtome.Whenitcametobeing
snuggled between them, I found it difficult to deal with. The circumstances made it so we were forced
intothisbutIsecretlylookedforwardtothelongbusridehomeandwonderedifthiswouldhappenevery
day.IinhaledKota’sspicyscentandGabriel’smuskwoodandtheymixedtogetherwell.Gabriel’slean
hippressedagainstmine.Kota,inanefforttomakemoreroom,movedsideways,puttinganarmonthe
seatovermyhead.Hislongfingershungdownovermyshoulder,brushingagainstthecollarofmyshirt.

“I’msorry,guys,”Isaid.“Ifitwasn’tforme,maybeyouwouldberidingwithNorthorinyourown

cars.”

“Don’tworryaboutit,”Kotasaid.
“Youworryaboutme.Isn’tthatwhyyou’rehere?”
Hesmiledsoftlybutsaidnothing.
“Westicktogether,”Gabrielsaid.“It’swhatwedo.”Herubbedapalmontopofmyhead,messingup

myhair.“You’vegottogetusedtothat,Sang.You’rewithusnow.”

Itookinadeepbreath.I’mwiththem.TheonlythingIwasn’ttotallysureaboutwaswhatthiswas.

P

AINFUL

S

ECRETS

W

espentnearlyfortyminutessquishedtogetheronthebus,asmorestudentsmeantmoreplacesto

stop and a longer wait as students had to rearrange themselves to get off. When we got to Sunnyvale
Court,thebusdriverstoppedinfrontofKota’shouse.“Everyoneonthisstreet,I’llpickyouupherein
themorning,”thedriversaid.

IshuffledoutwithKotaandGabriel.Mysister,Danielleandherbrotherwerebehindus.
IstoodwithKotaandGabrielinthedriveway.“IguessI’vegottogo.IfmysisterchecksinandI’m

notthere...”

“Canyougetbackout?”Gabrielasked.
Iglancedatmysister,whowastalkingtoDanielle.“We’llhavetoseehowthisgoes.Imighthaveto

negotiate.”

“Whatdoesthatmean?”Kotaasked.Hepushedhisglassesuphisnose.“Youstillhaven’ttoldme.”
“It’stoohardtoexplainrightnow.”
Gabrielheldouthisforefingerwithhisthumbuplikehishandwasagun.Hejerkedit,takingashotat

me.“Callus,”hesaid.“Orrunbackoverifyoucan.”

Inodded.Istarteduptheroadtowardthehouse.Mariesoonfollowedme.
Iwalkedalongsidemysister.Itfeltstrangetobestandingnexttoherafterspendingthewholedaywith

theguys.Shelookedstrangelyuncomfortable.Iwonderedhowherfirstdaywas.Iassumedshedidn’ttalk
totheprincipalateveryturn.

“So,thatwasDanielle,wasn’tit?”Iaskedher.
Shescrutinizedme,frowning.“Howwouldyouknow?”
“Theguysmentionedherandherbrother,”Isaid.
Herlipsscreweduponherface.“Yeah,well,shetoldmeaboutthoseboys,”sheemphasizedasifto

suggesttheyweretoddlersratherthanourownage.

“WhatdidDaniellehavetosay?”
Marieshrugged.“Iwouldn’thangoutwiththem.They’resnobsfromsomeprivateschool.”
“They’renotsnobby,”Isaid.“They’renice.”
“Theydon’ttalktoanyonebutthemselves.”
“Theytalktome.”
“Yeah,well,you’reweirdsogofigure.”
Iletoutabreath.Therewasn’tapointtotalkingwithher.Whenshesethermindtohowapersonwas,

sheprettymuchkeptthatopinion.Still,Iwonderedhowshemanagedtomakefriendsassheseemedso
negative.WewereneverreallyclosebutsometimesIwonderedwhatitwouldhavebeenlikeifwetried
togetalong.Itwasn’tthatIwasmeantoher.Wedidn’treallyhavealotincommonandwithourparents
beingthewaytheywere,insteadofbecomingcloser,we’dgrownapart.Ipartiallyblamedmyself.Iletit
happen.WhenItriedtotakeaninterest,itfeltlikeweendedupfighting.Ididn’tknowwhattodo.

Whenwegotbacktothehouse,Itiptoedthroughthehallwaytowardmymother’sroom.Puttingmyear

tothewall,Iheldmybreath,waitingforsignsoflife.Ineededtoaskheraboutgettingaviolin.Iknew
howtheconversationwouldgobeforeIevenstartedit,onlyIhadasmallhopetheresultwouldbeshe
wouldcallmydadatworkandhavehimpickupaviolinonhiswaybackhome.

Thedroneofthenewsonthetelevisionplayedandrustlingnoisescamefromthebed.Isteppedinto

theopendoorway,peeringin.

Shewasperchedonthebed,herarmscrossedoverherchest.Itreadedforward,purposefullystepping

inspotsthatcreakedtogetherattention.

Herheadsnappedaround.Herblueeyeswereglossy.Itmademewonderifshe’dbeencrying.“What

doyouwant?”sheasked.Hertoneerasedmypreviousassumptionabouthermood.

“Ineedtobringaviolintoschool,”Isaidquietly.“Ineedtogogetone.”
Hereyebrowsscrunchedtogether.“Sincewhendoyouplaytheviolin?”
“Oneofmyclassesisviolinlessons.”
“Shouldn’ttheschoolprovideoneifthey’regivingyouthelessons?”
“Theydon’thaveoneforme.”
Shefrowned.“Wecan’tbuyamusicalinstrumenteverytimeyouwanttopiddlewithsomething.”
“Ineedoneforclasstomorrow.”
“Didyourdadapproveofthis?”
“He signed the paper for my schedule.” What I’d said was true, he did sign my paper. What I was

implying wasn’t true. He didn’t really know about my violin lessons because Dr. Green and Mr.
Blackbournechangeditafter.

Shesuckedinabreathandslowlyreleasedit,scratchingataspotonherface.Hereyesfocusedinand

out.Maybethetelevisionwashurtinghereyes.“Idon’tthinkyoushouldtakethisclass.You’llneverkeep
upwithit.”

My heart plunged. No, please. Don’t do this now. “But I’m already signed up,” I said. “I’m sure it

wouldn’tbeexpensive.Itcanbesomethingcheapfromapawnshop.”

“Ifwebuyoneforyou,you’lljustquit.”
“Ican’tquit,”Iurged.Iwaslosingthis.Ihadtocomeupwithsomething.“I’malreadysignedup.I

havetogoforthewholeyear.”

“Youshouldn’thavesignedupforit.Youdon’tknowanythingaboutmusic.”
“Marie has her flute,” I said, feeling terrible about using my sister for this. I always did my best to

keepmysisteroutofthemiddleofanydiscussionwithmyparents,evenifshedidn’tdothesameforme.
ItfeltlikeabetrayaloftrustandIdidn’twanttobethattypeofperson.Still,myargumentwasweakandI
knewwhatmymotherwouldsaybeforeshesaidit.

“Justgotothefrontofficetomorrowandaskthemtodropyou.Youdon’thaveanybusinessinamusic

class.”

Thatwasit.IfIaskedanymore,she’dpunishmefortalkingback,orworse,she’dcalltheschool.If

shedidthat,I’dbeatthemercyofherwhims.Mywholeschedulecouldgetreworkedifshewanted.

Iswallowedandbackeduptothedoor.ItwasariskIdidn’twanttotake.Iploddeddownthehallway.

Icouldn’tstandtobeinthehouseanymore.Ishivered,suppressingtheangeratfeelingtrapped.Whatelse
couldIdo?TomorrowI’dhavetoadmittoMr.Blackbournethatmyparentswouldn’tallowmetogeta
violin.Ididn’twanttoenvisionhissteeleyeslookingatmewithpityorwithresentmentforwastinghis
time.Theonlystudenthetookontheentireyearwasquitting.

Isuckedinabreathandshookoffthethoughts.TherewasnothingIcoulddoaboutit.Iwoulddowhat

Ihadtodoandgetitoverwith.Maybeitwasbetterthisway.Whatdidsomeonelikemedotodeserve
anytimeandattentionfromatalentedAcademyprofessor?

Iclimbedthestairstothelanding.IwasabouttoentermyroomwhenInoticedMarie’sdoorwasajar.

SheneverleftitopenandIedgedovertoittotakeapeek.

Marie’s bed was unmade. The black ceiling fan was on, the window’s curtains were open. Clothes

clutteredthe floor, somespilling out fromthe closet. A diarysat haphazardly openon the floor. Papers
fromthedayofschoolsatinapilenearherdoor.NoMarie.

Iquietlyclosedherdoorandbackedawayfromit,thinking.Ipaddedthroughthehouse.Mariewasn’t

around. My mom already saw me and dismissed me so she wouldn’t likely ask for me again. My dad
wouldn’tbehomeforhours.

IgrabbedmybookbagandthecellphoneandwasoutthedoorbeforeIcouldsecondguessmyself.I

wasn’tgoingtowasteamomentifIcouldgetaway.

Itookalongerroutethroughthewoodsbehindmyhouse,comingoutaroundNathan’shouseandout

intothestreet.Ididn’twanttotakethechanceofanyoneinmyfamilypayingattentionandseeingme.It
alsogavemetimetocooldownfrommymother’sresoundingrejection.

Max, Kota’s golden retriever, padded over to me as I crossed the yard to Kota’s drive. He panted

happilyandnosedatmyhand.Ipushedmyfingersthroughthefuronhishead.Hefollowedmeintothe
garageandsatnexttomewhenIusedthedoorbell.

Jessica,Kota’slittlesister,answeredthedoor.Herpinkrimmedglassessliddownhernosealittleas

shelookedupatmeandsmiled.“HiSang.”

“HiJessica.Aretheboysstillhere?”
“Yeah,”shesaid.SheopenedthedoorwiderformeandIslippedinside.SheunhookedMax’slead

from his collar. Max raced through the house and disappeared into the living room, sniffing at the air.
“They’reupinKota’sroom.”

“Thanks,” I said. I closed the door behind me. Jessica ran off back to her bedroom, Max followed

behindher.

I opened the door to Kota’s room and suddenly realized I probably should have knocked. It seemed

awkwardtosimplyrunupthestairs.WouldheevenhearmeifItriedknocking?

Ioptedforcallingfromthebottomofhisstairs.“Kota?”Icalledup.“Gabriel?”
Creakingandpapershiftingnoisesdriftedtome.KotaandGabrielpokedtheirheadsoutfromoverthe

railbarrier.

“Hey!”Gabrielsaid.He’dremovedhisdressshirtandtie.Heleftonawhiteribbedtankshirtthathe

hadwornunderneath.Whilehewaslean,hehadsomedefinitiontohischestandarmsandthelookwas
stillstunning.“Youmadeit.Howdidyouescape?”

Ifinishedclimbingthestairs.“MysisterranoffsomewheresoIthoughtit’dbeokaytocomeover.”
Kota’scollaredshirtandtiehadbeenreplacedbyagreent-shirt.Hetiltedhisheadtowardme.“How

longcanyoustay?”

“Idon’tknow.Ifwespotherwalkingback,I’llgo.Orbeforemydadgetshome.”
“Areyousureit’sokay?”
“Aw,comeon,Kota,”Gabrielsaid.Hisslimfingersencircledmyarmandhepulledmeintotheroom.

“Ifitwereuptoherparents,she’dneverleavethehouse.Ifshedoesn’tbreakout,we’dneverseeher.”

Kotashiftedonhisfeetasifhewastryingtodecideifthiswasagoodidea.Itmademewonderifhe

feltguiltyforthedaybeforewhenIgotintotrouble.Isearchedforthewordstohelpcalmhisworries,but
nothing seemed right. I didn’t want to go back so I tried my best to smile warmly at him, hoping he’d

understand.Hehesitatedbuttookastepback,relenting.

IsatdownatoneendofKota’sbed,droppingmybookbagonthefloor.Gabrielcrawledontothebed,

crossinghislegsandpointedtothepileofpapersthathehadcollectedinthemiddle.“We’vealreadygot
homework.Canyoubelieveit?”

“I’vegotalot,too,”Isaid.“WhatareyoudoingfortheEnglishassignment?”
“I’vealreadyfinishedthat,”hesaid.Heshuffledthroughthepapersonthebed,pickingoneout.“It’s

morelikesonglyricsthanapoem.”

“CanIsee?”
Hepassedthenotebookpapertome.“It’snotgood.”
Hispoemwasaboutalostprincessinatowerandaprincepiningforherfromtheground.Hethrew

applesuptohereverydayhopingshewouldeatthemandthinkofhim.Onedayhehitherintheheadand
shefellfromthetowerandshedied.Theprincefeltsobadhetookhertoamountaintopwhereheheldon
toheruntilhefrozetodeathinthenight,bindinghimandhertogetherforeverinice.

“It’ssad,”Isaid.“Tragic.”
Hegrinned.“Girlslovethatshit.”
“Ilikehappyendings.”
Hepulledaface,leaningbackonhiselbowsagainstthebed.“Lifeisn’talwayshappy.”
“Itshouldbe.”Imovedtositbackonthebedfarenoughtowheremyankleswerehangingoverthe

edgeandmybackwasupagainstthewall.Kotahuddledoverhisdesk.“Didyoufinishyours,Kota?”

“Workingonitnow,actually.”
“How’sitgoing?”
He sat up, turning in his chair and holding up his notebook. “I don’t know. What rhymes with

formaldehyde?”

Myeyeswidened.Gabriellaughed,rubbinghisfingersagainsthisforehead.“Dude,whatkindofpoem

areyouwriting?”

Kotablinkedatus.“It’saboutadoctor.”
“Doesthedoctorfallinlove?”Gabrielasked.
“No.”
“Doessomeonedie?”
“Notinthestory,technically.”
“Whatdoeshedo?”
“Heperformsanautopsy.”
IglancedatGabriel,sharingasmilewithhim.IheldoutapalmtoKota.“CanIseeit?”
Kota’s cheeks turned red and he handed the notebook to me. The poem had a lot of long words

describingtheproceduresofcuttingupadeadbody.Itwasmorelikeasetofinstructionswitheveryother
linerhyming.Thegruesomedetailsmademystomachchurn.Wasthisaccurate?Howdidheknowhowto
performanautopsy?

“Kota...”Isaid,notsureexactlyhowtophraseit.
“I’mnotverygoodatthis,”hesaid.Hefiddledwiththeedgeofthearmonhisdeskchair.“I’mnot

verycreative.”

Ithoughtaboutthelines.Itwasn’tbadwork.Itwasjusttooformal.“MayIseeyourpen?”
Hehandedittome.Ireplacedahandfulofwordsandaddedinafewmorephrasesattheend.WhenI

finishedIhandeditbacktohim.

Helookedovermynotesandsmiled,shakinghishead.“It’sahorrorpiece.”
“Youalreadyhadmostofit.Youjustneededachangeofperception.Alivepatientbeingoperatedon

byamurderer.”

Helaughed,pushinghisglassesuphisnosewithaforefinger.“You’regoingtomakemesoundsmarter

thanIam.”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”Gabrielsaid.“Ifanything,thisschoolisgoingtodumbyoudown.I’m

surprisedyouwentalongwiththisgoingintothepublicschoolthing.”

Kotashrugged,sittingbackinhischairandusinghislegstorockhimselfbackandforth.“Youguys

weregoing.WhatwasIgoingtodo?”

“Personally,”Gabrielsaid,“I’mregrettingweeverstarted.Thisschoolseemshopeless.Imeanyou

sawtheclassrooms.”

“Thetrailersarekindofunusual,”Isaid,foralackofakinderword.
“Andthelibrary,”Gabrieladded.
Kotarubbedathischin.“Thereisn’tmuchtothelibrary.”
“And don’t even get me started on lunchtime,” Gabriel said. “I mean come on. You saw that. There

werestillkidsinlineforlunchwhenthebellrang.”

“Something doesn’t add up,” Kota said, rubbing a palm at his cheek and folding his arms over his

chest.“Andwiththeproblemsfromtheprincipaltoday,Idon’tthinkMr.BlackbourneandMr.Hendricks
areonthesamepageaboutwhattheywantfromus.”

Ihadn’tthoughtaboutitbeforebutnowthattheyweretalkingaboutit,itdidseemunreasonabletoput

suchathingontheshouldersofsevenstudents.“Whomadethearrangements?”Iasked.“Whoaskedyou
alltocomeintotheschool?”

“The whole thing was designed by the school board and some of the administrators,” Kota said.

“Technically the principal had the final say, but he was under a lot of pressure to allow us in. It was
basicallydoitoritmeanthisjob.Heclaimedhecouldn’tguaranteethesafetyof‘spoiledstudents’.The
school board thought if we could help improve the school overall, the state would develop a second
school nearby to split the population. They won’t bother to spend money on a school that looks like it
mightbeawasteoftime.”

“But isn’t that what they need?” I asked. I was surprised they were telling me about this. Then I

realized it really wasn’t about the Academy, but about my own school. It didn’t count so much as an
Academysecret.“Wouldn’tyougivemoneytoaschoolthatneededit?”

“Youwouldthink,”Kotasaid.“Theonlywayaschoolgetsattentionisbythequalityofthegradesand

curriculum for the entire student body and financial interest from state officials in control of school
spending.They’llonlyhelpaschoolthatseemsworthinvestingin,becausethat’swhatitcomesdownto.
Theyfocusmoreonmiddleandhighincomeneighborhoods.Itmakesabiggerimpactthanthesepoorer
districts.Notasmanyregisteredvotershere.However,therewasadealstruckbyastateofficial.He’s
documentedthatifAshleyWaterscanimprove,he’llgivethegoaheadtostartbuildinganotherschool.”

“Which is why this is stupid. There’s not a lot worth saving. They might as well build two new

schools. And the mismanagement is terrible. I feel like we’re wasting our time,” Gabriel said. He
stretched out a leg over his homework, tipping his foot to nudge my leg. “If it weren’t for you, I’d be
askingMr.Blackbourneifwecoulddropthiswholething.”

Hisattitudesurprisedme.Theycouldleaveiftheywanted?Wouldtheyiftheywerepushedoutatall

orfeltitwastoomuch?“Youdon’thavetostayforme,”Isaidsoftly.“Imean,ifyoufeelit’sthatbad.”I
didn’twanttobesodemureaboutit.Theyweremyonlyfriendsintheschool.Evenso,itjustseemed
silly to stay because of me. If I had the choice, would I have stayed? I could only imagine what the
AcademywaslikebutIknewithadtobebetterthanAshleyWaters.

“We’reinfortheyear,”Kotasaid.“Wepromisedwe’ddoourbestfortheschoolandthat’swhatwe’ll

do. We agreed to this. We’ll stick it out. We don’t get to give up just because it’s complicated. Mr.
Blackbourne’splansweren’tmadelightly,sotheremustbesomethingwecando.”

SoitwasMr.Blackbournethatwasofficiallyincharge.Mr.Blackbournemadethearrangements.Did

he call Victor out of the class? I bit my lower lip, talking about Mr. Blackbourne only reminded me of
secretsIcouldn’taskaboutandwhatIhadtodotomorrow.“Maybeweshouldmakesomethingforlunch
tomorrowsowearen’tstuckwithvendingfood.Theremightnotbeanythinglefttomorrow.”

“Ithinkthere’saloafofbreaddownstairs,”Kotasaid,standingup.Heheldoutahandtome.Ittook

meamomenttorealizehewantedmetotakeit.Isuckedinabreathtosummonsomecourageandputmy
handinhis.HegraspeditasIstoodup,lettinggowhenIwasstanding.Apassingthoughtinthebackof
mymindwassomewhatsorryhereleasedme.“Unlessyoumeanyouwanttocooksomething.”

“IsupposeIcould,”Isaid,puttingafingertomylowerlip.Itseemedkindofweirdtomakesomething

andIcouldn’timaginewhattofix.

“Holdup.Areyoutellingusyoucancook?”Gabrielsaid.Heswunghislegsaroundandstoodupnext

tome.“Ihavetoseethis.”

“Whodoesn’tcook?”Whenitcametomyfamily,unlessIwanteddinnerfromacaneverynight,my

sisterandIlearnedhowtocook.Icouldn’tremembernotbeingabletoatleastmakescrambledeggsor
spaghettiasneeded.

“LukeandNorthcan,”Gabrielsaid.“Itdoesn’thappenoften.”
“Ifyoucanread,youcancook.”Icrossedthefloor,headingtothestairs.Iglancedovermyshoulderat

them.“Ready?”

KotashotalookatGabriel.Gabrielsmirked.“Imightbeabletousethecanopener.”

Within a short amount of time, taco soup simmered in a pot on the stove. The boys managed to cut

onions and opened cans. They stood back and watched as I cooked up ground beef, added beans and
vegetablesanddifferentspicesandputitalltogether.

“There,”Isaid,wipingmybrowwiththebackofmyhandasIstirredthepot.“Kota,you’vegotdinner

fortonight.Whatyoudon’teat,stickintoathermos.We’lltakesomeplasticcupsandspoonsandbingo.
Lunch.”

Gabrielhoveredovermyshoulder.Hestuckhisfingerintothemixandyankeditbacktoputintohis

mouth.“Hemightnothaveleftovers,”hesaid,lickinghisfinger.“I’mgonnastayfordinner.”

HeattemptedtoreachintothepotagainandIplayfullyswattedathishand.“You’regoingtoeatitall

beforeit’sdinnertime.”

He pouted and the way the bottom lip curled melted my heart. It was adorable. “Don’t be so cruel,

Sang.Youdidn’ttellusyoucouldcookandnowthatyou’vemadesomethinganditsmellsreallygood,
youwon’tletmetasteit.”

“You’regoingtoburnyourfingers,”Isaid.“It’shot.”
“I’lllive.It’sjustafinger.”Hethreadedhishandaroundmysidewithapointedfingeraimedatthe

pot.Ipushedhisarminapanic,worriedhereallywouldburnhimself.Hegraspedmywrist.Ilaughed,
droppingthelargewoodenspoonintothepot.Itriedtowrestlemyarmaway.Hecapturedmyotherhand,
andcollectedmywriststogetheragainsthischest.“You’reintroublenow,”hesaid,grinning.

“What?”
Iheardthespoongettingpickedupbehindme.ItwistedagainstGabriel’sholdintimetoseeKotadip

thespoonintothesoupandtakingasip.

“Kota!”
Hesmiled,puttingthespoondownintothepotagain.“Itsmellsgood.It’smakingmehungry.”

IgroanedandwrenchedmyhandsfromGabriel,playfullypointingafingerinthedirectionofKota’s

bedroom.“Alrightguys,outofthekitchen.Let’sgogethomeworkdonebeforeyoueatitall.”

IttookmorecoaxingbutImanagedtogettheguysbackupthestairs.Isetthestoveonlowsothesoup

couldsimmerforawhile.

We gathered back in Kota’s room and got to work. I was on my stomach on the floor, writing in a

notebook for the English assignment. Kota was at his computer desk and Gabriel was half asleep on
Kota’sbed.

Thudding footfalls came from the stairs. Victor popped his head up. His cheeks flushed when he

spottedmeonthefloor,butitdidn’tdistractmefromthebrightbruiseonhisfaceorthegashatthischeek.

“Victor!”Ijumpedupoffthefloorinprobablyanundignifiedmanner.Icrossedtheroomashestood

bythestairs.ThecloserIgot,theworsehisinjurieslooked.“Whathappened?”

“Training,”hesaidquietly.
Myfingershoveredintheairclosetohisface,onlyIwastooafraidtotouchhimasitlookedpainful.

Thegashathischeekhadalreadystartedtocrustover.Thebruisewasapurplemess,splotchingacross
thesideofhisfaceandalongthestartofhisjawbyhisear.“Withwhat?Abear?”

Heshookhishead.HeturnedtoKota.“Ididn’tthinkshewouldbehere.”
Kotanodded,standingup.“It’snotimportant.Areyouokay?”
“Yeah,”hesaid.Hisfireeyessettledonme,aquietsmolder.“I’msorry,Sang.”
Iswallowedmyheartinmythroatandmyeyebrowsnearlypoppedoffthetopofmyforehead.“Sorry?

Forwhat?”

“IyelledatyouearlierbeforeIleft.I’msorryaboutthat.Ididn’tmeanit.”
Mymouthfellopen.Ihadnearlyforgottenaboutit.“Howcouldyouthinkthat?Yougetintoafightand

theonlythingyoucanthinktosayisyou’resorryaboutsomethingthatdoesn’tmatter?”

Heflinched,stickinghishandsinhispockets.“Fine.NexttimeIwon’tapolo--.”
IrealizedI’dsnappedanditbrokemyheart.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhisneck,hugginghim.Ididn’t

sayanything.Icouldn’tfindthewordsastowhyIdiditorwhatIwasfeeling.He’ddisappearedandI
hadbeenworriedabouthim.Seeinghiminjuredlikethatforcedmetothinkofeverybadthingthatwas
outthereandIkeptpicturingitallhappeningtohim.Itwaseverythingmymothersaidwouldhappento
meifIwanderedawayfromhome.Friendshugwhentheywanttosupportoneanother,right?

“Ooof,”Victorchokedout.“Sang,I...”Hishandssettledbehindmybackandhepressedhimselftome.

Hisfingerstracedalongmyribs.HepressedhischeektomineandIwonderedifthatwastheproperway
tohugsomeoneandI’ddoneitwrong.“Iamsorry,”hewhisperedinmyear,hiswarmbreathteasingmy
lobe.

Isighed,regroupingmyselfandsteppingback.AfterIhadhuggedhim,Ifeltsoawkward,andmyface

felthot.IhidmyshakingfingersbehindmybackasIlookedoverhisinjuriesagain.“Weneedtoclean
youup.”

Kota disappeared into his bathroom and grabbed his medical kit. He brought it out to me. “Where’s

Nathan?”heaskedasItookthemedicalkitandopeneditup.

Victorlookedatmeandthenloweredhisgaze.“He’sstilltraining.”
“Where?”Iasked,pullingouttheperoxideandagobofcottonandknelttothecarpet.Whenmyknees

knockedagainstthefloor,painfromthebruisesradiatedintomythighs.Isteeledmyself,andshiftedto
sittingonmyheelstolessenthepressure.Ihopednoonenoticed.

Victor followed me, sitting cross legged on the floor next to me. Kota and Gabriel joined us on the

floor.

“It’sjustattheAcademy,”Victorsaid.

Ifrowned.Itwasobviouslynotthissimpleorhewouldhavesaiditbefore.“DidNathanbeatyouup?”

Iasked.

Victorattemptedasmilebuthepursedhislipstostophimselfandshookhishead.“No.”
Iappliedsomeperoxidetoacottonswabandcuppedhischininmyhandtosteadyhim.Idabbedthe

cottonagainsthischeek.Theliquidstartedtosizzleatthecut.

Hethrusthisheadback,grabbingatmywristthatheldtheswabandyankeditawayfromhisface.He

suckedinabreaththroughhisteeth.“Easy,Sang.”

“I barely touched you.” I fished out a clean swab of cotton, holding it to the bottle to absorb more

peroxide.

I did my best to clean his cheek but Victor fought it at every step, sensitive to every touch. I kept

waitingforKotaorGabrieltostartaskingquestionsbutitfeltliketheyalreadyknewwhattheyneededto
know,ortheycouldn’taskbecauseIwasthere.IchewedonmycheekasIappliedbandagestoVictor’s
face.

“Doesthishappenalot?”Iaskedinaquietvoice.“Toallofyou?Doyougetcalledoutofschoolto

godo‘training’?”

TherewasalengthysilencebeforeKotaspokeup.“Oneofthestipulationsforusbeingthereisthat

Mr. Blackbourne would have full control over our schedules. If we ever needed to be called up for
somethingthatwasAcademybusiness,wewouldbeallowedtoleaveclasstodealwithit.”

“Doesitalwaysinvolvefighting?”
Kota’slipslightlycurledupatthecorner.“No.”
“Am I allowed to ask what kind of business at the Academy makes Victor’s face look like he got

mauledbyabaseballbat?”

Lookswereexchangedbyallthreeofthembutlipsremainedclosed.Isighed,crumplingthewrappers

fromthebandagesinmyhand,puttingthekitbacktogetherandstanding,headingtoKota’sbathroomto
replaceitall.

“It’s better if you don’t know, Sang,” Kota said. “I don’t want to keep you in the dark but if you

knew...”

I tossed the wrappers in his trash and put the kit back in the drawer. “Are you worried that I’d be

scaredforyou?I’mfreakingoutnow.Howisknowingworsethannotknowing?”

Theyexchangedlooksagain.Theirsilentcommunicationirkedme.
“Doyourparentsknow?”Iasked.“ImeanwhatifKotawalkedinonedayandhispoormomsawhim

withbruisesalloverhisface?”

“She...”GabrielstartedtosaybutIcaughtKotashootinghimalook.Gabrielblushed,lookingdownat

thefloor.

WhatelsecouldIsay?WhowasItosayanythingtothem?Ihadjustasmanysecrets,didn’tI?Ididn’t

tellthemaboutmyknees,aboutNorthontheroof,andsomuchmore.Iwantedtofindoutwhattheywere
upto,butaskingthemwasn’tgoingtowork.Isighed,bitingbackthequestions.Itmightnotbeuptothem
to tell me about it. I thought of Mr. Blackbourne. He was in charge. Maybe I could ask him without
revealingwhatIknewofKotaandtheothers.No,thetruthwasthatI’dagreedtonotaskquestions.Itwas
hardertodonowthatIsawVictor’sbruisedface.

Icalmedmyselfandwalkedbackoutofthebathroom.Theguyslookeduncomfortableforamoment

butIsatatthefootofKota’sbed,crossingmyankles.

“Are we done with homework yet?” I asked. I hoped the others understood. It was too frustrating

talkingtothemaboutanAcademythatwassofullofsecrets.IthoughtitwasbestthatIkeptlisteningand
catchingthesehintswhenIcould.MaybenexttimeI’dfollowVictorandseewherehedisappearedto.

RightnowIknewforcertainthattheAcademywasmorethanasecret.ItwastruewhatKotahadwarned
meabout.Itcouldbedangerous.

TheyexchangedanothersetoflooksbutKotagavetheslightestshakingofhisheadtotheothers.He

smiledweaklyatme.“It’stimeforabreak.”

“Whatsmellsliketacos?”Victorasked.

D

EEPER

I

leftKota’shouseanhourlater.IwantedtomakesureIgotbackbeforeMariedidtoavoidanymore

trouble. Making an appearance at home was important. I was still sensitive to how my mom reacted
yesterday when she found out I was at Kota’s. Before I met the guys, I could go for a couple of days
withoutseeinganyoneinmyfamily,lockedawayinmyroomwithoutanyinteractionfromanyofthem.
RightnowseemedacriticaltimeandIcouldn’tbetooreckless.AfterIfiguredouthowourliveswould
be different with the new school, I’d be better prepared to spend more time with the others. A routine
wouldeventuallysettlein.

I was crossing through the woods, taking a path that lead behind Nathan’s house. A voice bellowed

withaslightecho.

“Fuck...fuck,ouch,fuckme,fuck.”
IrecognizedNathan’svoiceandstopped,lookingtowardhishouse.Itwasn’tquitedarkyetbutthrough

thefenceofhisbackyard,thelightwasoninhisshed.

Itookthewoodplankbridgeacrosstheditchandopenedupthegatetohisfence.Thedoortotheshed

wasopenandIcreptovertopeekinside.

Nathankneltonthewoodfloor,clutchingattheground.Hisshouldersshook.Hisshirtwasoffandhe

waswearinggreencamouflageshorts.Hisbackwaslayeredwithbruisesandcuts.

“Nathan!”
Hestraightenedontohiskneesandtwistedtolookatme.Thereweremorebruisesalonghisarmsand

chest.Oneofhischeekswasswollen.Hisblueeyessquintedatme.“Sang?”

Iclimbedintotheshedandcrossedtheroomtohim.Idroppeddowntositonmyheelstolookcloser

athisback.“Victormadeitsoundlikeyouwerefine.Whydidhelietome?”

Nathan groaned. He slipped and crashed back against the cabinet. “You know you shouldn’t trust

boys,”hesaid.Hewasbreathingheavilyandyetthroughithegrinned.“We’re...um...somethingbadthat
Ican’tthinkofrightnow.Remindmetotellyouaboutitlater.”

“You’realldrivingmecrazy,”Isaid.Therewasanothermedicalkitonatraynearby,thebandagesand

containersofcreamsspilledoutaroundhim.Ireachedforthecreamsthathadrolledoutontothefloor
andcheckedthelabels.“Whichonedidyouwant?”

Hepointedtoone.Hisringfingeronhisrighthandwasinasplintandtaped.Itookhishand,pullingit

toexamineitcloserandhewinced.

“Hey!”heshouted.
“Isitbroken?Whyaren’tyouatthehospital?”
“Isawadoctor,”hesaid.“That’swhereIgotthebandagething.”
Ireachedforthetubehehadpointedtoandreadthelabel,recognizingthebruisingcream.“Isthisall

youneed?”

Henodded.

“Comeon,”Isaid.Istoodupandclutchedhisarmtohelphimup.“Let’sgetyoutoinsidesoyoucan

laydown.Youlookterrible.”

Helaughed.“Areyoucallingmeugly?”Hepickedhimselfupandstartedlimpingforthedoor.Itucked

myselfunderhisarm.Itwasn’tthatIcouldpickhimupifhefell,butIcouldatleastserveasaminor
crutch.Helookedalittlerelievedandheleanedagainstmeashemovedforward.

Itwasslowprogressbacktohishouse.Nathankeptstoppingtotakeinabreath.Iopenedthedoorfor

himandhehobbledin.

“Wheredoyouwanttolaydown?”Iasked.
“Inmybed,”hesaid.“OnceI’mdown,Idon’tthinkI’mgettingbackup.”
Igrittedmyteethandgotunderhisarmagain,lettinghimguidethewaythroughthelivingroomand

downadimhallwayuntilwefacedadoorattheend.Iopeneditandhehoppedin.

Therewasalowdresserpressedupagainstthewallandastandarddoublebedinthemiddleofthe

room,noheadboard.Thebedwasdrapedinadarkbrownblanket,maroonsheetsandtwopillowsstuffed
inthemiddle,unmade.Therewerekaratemovieandjujitsuposespostersalongthewalls.Therewasa
walk-in closet completely filled with clothes, boxes and some broken workout equipment. A workout
benchhadbeenpushedtothecorner,dumbbellssatonaboxnexttoit.Therewasawindowontheother
side,thewoodslatblindsweredrawn.

Nathanploppedontohisstomachonthebed.Helandedhalfway,withhislegshangingofftheedge.

“Fuck.”

Iclimbedupontohisbed.“Scootup.”
Hedidapushupandcrawledfurtherontothebeduntilhesmashedhisfaceagainstthepillowsandhe

collapsedagain.Hisbroadshouldersshookashetookinaheavybreath.

I crawled on my knees next to him, opened the tube and squished the bottle in the middle to get the

whitecreamontomyfingers.“Idon’tsupposeyou’regoingtotellmewhathappened,”Isaid.Ispreadthe
creamoverthebruisesonhisback.

“Youdon’twanttoknow,”hesaid,hiswordswerehalfslurredbythepillowinhisface.
Isighed.“Areyouintroublewiththemob?Doyouowethemmoney?”
Hebarkedalaugh.“Notatthemoment.”
Iusedthecreamoverthebruisesalonghisback,rubbingitin.Iworkedsilently,notknowingwhatto

ask,knowingtherewasnothingIcouldprobablysaytohimtogetthetruthfromhim.WhenIwasdone
withhisback,Ipattedhisarm.“Letmeseethefront.”

When he flipped over, there was another layer of bruises along his ribs and down his stomach. I

squeezed at the bottom of the tube to get more of the cream out. Touching his back had been one thing.
Now that I was looking at his muscular bare chest, my fingers trembled. I pressed my fingers to the
bruises,tryingtocalmmyselfasmuchastohelphisinjuries.

IfelthiseyesonmyfacebutIcouldn’tlookathimwhenIwastouchinghiminsuchaway.Ifocused

onlyonrubbingthecreamin.MycheeksstartedtoheatupwhenIrealizedwhatIthoughthadbeenshorts
wereonlyapairofboxers.I’dbeentoopreoccupiedthathewashurttonotice.Iwasinabedroomwitha
half-nakedboy.

“Whatwereyoudoingoutthere?”heasked,punchingatthepillowsunderhisheadtofluffthemup.
“IwasgoinghomefromKota’s.”
“Ididn’tknowyouwereallowedoutyet.Aren’tyougroundedorsomething?”
“Weren’tyousupposedtobeingymclasstoday?”
Hesmirked.“Ihadsomethingtodo.”
“Huh.”Ifinishedrubbingthecreaminandthenreplacedthecaponthetube.

Hereachedouttome,grabbingmywrist.“Ithadtobedone,”hesaid.Hisfacewasstern,gettingthat

seriouslookIrecognized,hisblueeyesgoingdark.“Ifitwasn’timportant,Iwouldhavebeentherewith
youinclass.Iwouldn'tleaveyoualone.”

Why was I that important to him? It seemed ludicrous. “I’m not worried about being alone,” I said

softly. “I’ve been alone for a long time. I can handle myself. What I’m worried about is the next time
you’regonefromclassandI’mwonderingwhichhospitalyoumayendupin.”

Nathan’smouthopenedasifhewantedtosaysomethingbuthepromptlyclosedhislipsagain.Heheld

ontomyhand,givingitagentlesqueezebutsaidnothing.

Inoticedthelightinthewindowgoingdim.“Ihavetogetgoing,”Isaid.“Doyouneedanything?”
“Itookapainkillerbeforeyougothere,”hesaid.Heletgoofmyhand.“Don’tworryaboutme.Go

home before you get into more trouble.” He turned slightly as if he wanted to move onto his stomach.
Groansescapedhislipsandhegaveup,fallingonhisbackagain.“Imightnotgettoschooltomorrow.”

“That’stoobad,”Isaid.
“Why?”
“You’llmisstacosoup.”
Icrossedtheroom,flickedthelightoffandshuthisdoor,ignoringthequestionshewasaskingasIleft.

Victor:“Youneedaviolinforclasstomorrow,right?Didyougetone?”
Sang:“It’sokay.I’llexplainittoMr.Blackbourne.”
Victor:“Icangogetyouone.”
Sang:“Don’tdothat!”
Victor:“Whynot?”
Sang:“Don’tspendmoneyonme.It’sbadenoughyoupayforthisphone.”
Victor:“Please?”
Sang:“Goodnight,Victor.Stopworryingaboutme.”

W

ednesday

N

O

L

ONGER

I

NVISIBLE

I dreamed I was trapped inside a car. I didn’t know how to drive and I was turning the wheel,

pushingthebreaks.Thecarcareeneddownahillandthegroundwastilting.Carsracedaroundme.I
wasgoingtocrash.

I

wokewithastart,jumpingoutofbedandrunningforthebathroom.Iranthecoldwaterinthesink,

splashingitacrossmyfacetoerasethenightmare.Itwasn’thelping.Thememorystuck.Whenmyheart
settled,Istumbledbacktomyroom,flickingonthelight,grabbingmydiarytowriteinuntilitwastimeto
getgoing.

MarieandIwalkedtheshortdistancebetweenourhouseandKota’sbeforethebuscame.Danielleand

herbrotherwerealreadyoutthere,standingontheveryedgeofKota’sdriveway.Kotastoodalone,his
headdownandscuffinghisshoesattheconcrete.

“Kota,”Isaid,walkinguptohim.
Hisheadliftedandhisfacelitup.“Hi.”
“NoNathan?”
His lips pursed and he shook his head. Marie walked around us and headed straight to Danielle,

wavingtoher.Daniellegreetedherwithasmirkandtheytuckedtheirheadstogether,talking.

“Isawhimlastnight,”Isaidquietly,notwantingtheotherstooverhear.“Iwouldn’tblamehimifhe

didn’tshow.”

Hiseyebrowsshotup.“Howishe?”
Hedidn’tknowaboutthis?OrwashesurprisedtohearIwentoverthere?“Ithinkhebrokeoneofhis

fingers.Therewerebruisesalloverhisbody.”

Heblanched.“Ididn’tknowitwasthatbad.”
Wasthatthetruth?DidNathanorVictornotkeephiminformed?Didhenotgoseehim?“What’sgoing

tohappen?Theprincipalwasaskingabouthimyesterdaywhenhedidn’tshowupforgymclassandnow
he’sgoingtomisstheseconddayofschool.”

“Mr.Blackbourneistellingustoredirectanyquestionsfromteacherstohim.”
“Itsoundslikethat’simpliedtome,too?”
Kota’s eyes looked toward the others across the driveway and he tilted his head toward me. “I’m

sorry, Sang. I didn’t want to involve you at all but it looks like you still ended up being in the middle.
Theyshouldn’tbeaskingyoubutIguessthey’reassociatingyouwithus.”

Ibroughtafingertopushatmylowerlip.FlashesofVictor’selegantfacebruisedandNathanunable

to pull himself out of bed crept through my mind. “Is this why you don’t tell me anything about what
happens?SoIcanhonestlytellpeopleIdon’tknow?”

Kota’scheeksflushedandhenodded.“Yeah,that’sprettymuchit.”
HowstrangewasitthatbeforeIhadmetKota,Iwantednothingmorethantoblendinwiththeother

students,buthereIwaswiththestrangestsetinthewholeschool.

Nathan never made it to the bus. At the school, Kota and I were the first of our group to arrive. We

pickedupourbooksattheschoolbookstoreandwaitedfortheothersatthebenchinthecourtyard.Kota
perused the textbooks, his and mine, inspecting the material. I was standing near the bench and leafing
throughabookwhenhandspoppedovermyeyesandIfeltawarmbreathbymyear.

“Ihavesomethingforyou,”Gabrielsunginmyear.
“Don’tscareher,Gabe,”IheardVictorsay.TherewasanunderlyingcommandinVictor’svoice.A

warning?

Gabriel’shandsfellawayfrommyface.“Whatthefuck?Iwasn’tscaringher.”Hepulledoutasheet

ofpaperandputitinmyhands.“Ifixedmystupidpoem.”

Iblinkedathim,blushing.Fixedit?
Itwasaboutthesameprincessinthetower,theprincethrowingapplestoher.Awitchtriedtomakea

bargainwithhim.Shewouldgivehimthesweetestapplethatwouldwinoverhislove’sheartifhetraded
his voice for it. He agreed, won over the princess, and together they tricked the witch to get his voice
back.

IlaughedwhenIgottotheending.“Youchangedit?Whathappenedtowinningthegirlsoverwiththe

sadpart?”

“What?Idon’twanttomakegirlscry.Girlslookallcrazywhentheycry.”
“Ilikeit,”Isaid.“Itstillsoundslikesonglyrics.”
“Right,”hesaid.“Itmightmakeagoodsong.”Hislipspressedtogetherandhehummedafewbars.
I glanced up at Victor, who only looked bemused. The bandage was blatant, but his bruise looked

almostgone.Ileanedclosertohim,myeyessquinting.

Victortookastepback.“What?”
“Whathappenedtoyourbruises?”
“Oh,”hesmirked.“Nothing.”
They couldn’t have healed already. I was sure by today they would look worse. My own bruises

alwayslookedworsethefollowingday.

Ifloatedafingertowardhischeektotracewhereoneofhisbruiseshadbeen.
“Hey,hey,”Gabrielsaid,pokingatmyhip.“Handsoff.You’llsmudgemywork.”
“Makeup?”Iasked.
Victorgrinnedatme.“Don’tlaugh,okay?”
“Yeah,”Gabrielsaid.“Icouldn’tjustlethimwalkaroundlookinglikeamovingtargetallday.”
I sighed. At least they were thoughtful. I handed the poem back to Gabriel. “You hang on to it.” I

droppedmybookbagoffmyshoulders.“I’mgoingtotherestroom.Wouldyouwatchmybag,please?”

Gabrielpickeditup,pullingitclosertohisown.
Victordroppedhisbag,too,andstartedfollowingme.
“Victor...”Isaid,gazingbackathim.“It’sokay.Youdon’thavetowalkmeoverthere.”
Hepaused,frowningandglimpsedoverhisshoulderatKota.
“Doyouguyshavetofollowmetobathroom?”Iasked.Thatreallyseemedawkward.
“Isupposenot,”Victorsaid.Hemopedbuthestuckhishandsintohispocketsandwenttostandnextto

Kota.

IfelttheireyesonmeasIwalkedaway.
Iwalkedovertothemainhallwayandstoppedshortjustinsidethedoors,hesitating.Iwasn’treally

surewheretherestroomswere.Walkingalonedownthehallwaythatwasalreadygettingcrowdedwasn’t
makingmefeelasconfidentasIhadbeenwhenIwaswiththeguys.ItamazedmeathowcomfortableI
hadgottenatrelyingontheboysforsomethingassimpleasdirectionsandtheircompany.Lastyearatmy

oldschool,Iwasaloneandhadtorelyonmyselfsomuch.Itfeltlikeamillionyearsago.

Ifoundsomebathroomsdownahallway.WhenIwasfinished,Icheckedmyblouseandskirtinthe

mirror.Ismoothedthemout,takingmytime.Iwantedtoprovetothemitwasokayformetodosomething
alone.InawayIguessIwantedthemtoworrylessaboutme.Theyhadsomanyproblemsasitwasnow.

Back out in the hallway, it was more crowded than before. Kids were sitting on the floor, their legs

stretchedout.Ihadtostepovercalvesandshoestogetbyastheyrefusedtopullbackandoutoftheway
forpeoplewalkingthrough.

Acatcallsoundedandechoed.IrememberedtheboysfromthedaybeforeandthistimeIfocusedon

thepathaheadofme.Theywerejustgoofingoff.Iwantedtoavoideyecontacttonotdrawattentionto
myself.

“Sing!”
I reacted because I recognized the voice. I cringed when I recognized it as Greg, sorry that I had

respondedatall.

Anarmploppedaroundmyshoulders.Greg’sbiglippedgrinrockedclosetomyface.Thesmellof

smokewasheavyasifhehadjustputouthiscigarette.“Hey,”hesaid.“Whereareyougoing?”

Myheartthundered.Ihadtogetridofhimandgetbacktothecourtyardbeforetheguyscamelooking

forme.IrememberedthelasttimeGregandhisfriendsranintoKota,VictorandSilaswhilewewereat
themall.ThelastthingIwantedwastoleadhimstraightbacktoKotaandstartanotherfight.

“I’mgoingtothecafeteria,”Isaid.“I’llseeyoulater.”
Heheldontomebymyneck,tuggingatme.“Don’tgososoon.You’realwayssobusywhenIseeyou

inthehallway.”HetowedmearounduntilIwasfacingagroupofguys.Theywerealldressedlikehim,
baggyjeans,andoversizedshirts.“Guys,thisisSong.”

“Sang,”Isaid.
“Sang,”herepeated.
Theothersbobbedtheirheadsatme.Oneofthemmumbledsomethingbuthiswordsweresomashed

together I couldn’t understand him. The others around him laughed. I couldn’t help but blush and they
laughedsomemore.

“Ineedtogo,”Isaidagain.
“What? Is your boyfriend waiting on you?” Greg said, swiveling his head around to look. “That

remindsme,Istillowehimsomething.”

“Idon’t...”IwantedtosayIdidn’thaveaboyfriend,butIwasn’tsureexactlywhattosay.Sayingno

mightencouragemoreattentionandsayingyesmightmakeforadditionaltroubleforKotaandtheguys.

“Sang!”Luke’svoiceechoedthroughthehallway,drawingtheattentionofnotonlythegroupofboys

around me, but everyone else in the hall. Luke and North stood together at the start of the hall. North
shovedhisfistsintohisthighs.Lukedroppedahandonhisarm,likehewasNorthback.Lukewavedat
me.

“Ihavetogo,”ItoldGregagain.Icouldseethisgettingugly.
“Whatareyou,hisbitch?”Hesquaredoffhisshoulders,sizingthemup.“Whyishecallingatyoulike

that?”

I wanted to point out how he called for me in a similar way but I didn’t want to get into that. I

wrenchedmyselffromunderhisarmandstartedbackingoff.“Don’tworryaboutit.”Itwasprobablya
stupidthingtosaybutatthatpointIjustwantedtogetoutofthere.

“Where you goin’ girl?” he called after me as I hurried down the hall. “Greg’s shortie doesn’t just

walkoffwithoutakiss.”

Ishiveredanddidn’tlookback.Laughingechoedbehindme.

“Youokay,Sang?”Lukesaid.Hehadafewblondlocksframinghisface,buttherestofhishairwasin

thecliphehadborrowedfrommeyesterday.HereachedoutwhenIgotclose,puttinganarmaroundmy
shoulder.“What’sgoingon?”

“ApparentlyIcan’tgotothebathroomalone,”Isaid,myheartthumping.IsoughtoutNorth’seyes.He

zeroedinonGregandhisfriends,hishandspressedagainsthislegs.Ibrushedmyfingertipsacrosshis
hand,tugginghimintheoppositedirection.“North...”

Hisgrumbledanddissectedmewithintense,darkeyes.“Whatdidhesaytoyou?”
“Hewasteasingme.Idon’twantafight.Please?He’snotfollowing.”
He glanced back at the kids. He turned around, dropping a hand on the back of my head, his fingers

massagingatmyscalp.“Ihatethisschool.”

Tomyrelief,NorthandLukedidn’tsayanythingaboutGregwhenwegotbacktothecourtyardandas

wewaitedforthefirstbelltoring.Homeroomwasquiet.Gregsaidnothing,completelyignoringus.Still,
aswewaitedthereforourfirstclass,Igotthefeelingthingswerebubblingunderthesurface.Inoticed
howtheotherstudentslookedatus.Werewereallythatdifferent?Somepartofmewishedweblendedin
morethanwedid.Whisperswithournameshoveredarounduslikemosquitos.

Hidingintheshadowsseemedsomucheasier.Withtheboys,Istoodoutsomuchmoreanddrewso

muchattention.

Iwasnolongerinvisible.

W

HATEVER

Y

OU

N

EED

M

s.Johnson’spleasant,smilingeyessoughtoutourattentionduringfirstperiodEnglishclass.“Hand

inyourpoems.”

Ibentovermydesk,pullingmynotebookfrommybookbag.Itoreoutthepagesthathadmypoem.

KotacaughtthatIhadmorethanonepage.Hereachedintohisbagandfishedoutaministapler.Ismiled
tohimasheheldtheedgeformeandstapledmypagestogether.

“You’realwayssothoughtful,”Itoldhim.
Hischeekstinted.
Gabrielleaned over theisle and snatchedthe paper from myhands. “You didn’tshow us yours,” he

said.

Myeyeswidenedandmyfaceheatedup.Igraspedforthepagestotakethemback.Gabrielleanedfar

overtheoppositesideofhisdesk,andoutofmyreach.Hiseyesscannedthepage,readingquickly.

“Wehavetoturnitin,”Isaid.“It’snothing.Justastupidpoem.”
Mypoemwasabouthiddenheartsbeingeverywhereintheworld,andalittlegirlwhowastheonly

onewhocouldseethem.Herparentsthoughtshewascrazy,andtheylockedherupinanasylum.Shewas
releasedonlywhenshepromisednevertotalkabouthiddenheartsagain.Itwassad,andIdidn’tthinkit
wasreallyfinished,butIdidn’thaveanending.

“What’sitsay,Gabriel?”Lukeaskedbehindme.
“ItsaysLuke’sanerd.”Hestuckhistongueoutathim.
“Gabe,”Kotasaid.“Youcanreaditlater.Turnitin.”
GabrielmadeagruntingnoiseandpoutedbuthandedittoKota,whocollectedoursandpassedthem

along.

Iputmyelbowonmydesk,leaningmyfaceinmyhand,gratefulforKota.

I walked into Mr. Blackbourne’s music class without a violin. I know he said not to but if I wasn’t

goingtogetaviolinfortheclass,IwantedtotellhimmyselfwhyIhadtoquit.Itfeltwrongtogobehind
hisbackandcanceltheclassafterhewentthroughallthetroubleofmakingthearrangementsinthefirst
place.

Ihadn’tsaidawordtotheothersaboutthis.SomewhereinmymindIassumedIwouldsimplygetput

into one of the study hall classes. It couldn’t be helped. They would figure it out after I changed my
schedule.

AsIenteredmusicroomB,thespaceseemedtobecomeinfinitelysmaller.Mr.Blackbournewaited

for me next to the piano, his arms crossed over his chest. His steel eyes studied me as I entered,
scrutinizingmesomuchthatmyhandinstinctivelytouchedthecollarofmyblousetoensureallthebuttons
wereclosed.

Allmorning,IhadenvisionedthethingsIwouldsayabouthowsorryIwastohavewastedhistime.I

wantedtoencouragehimtopicksomeoneelse.Ithoughttherehadtobeotherstudentsherewhowould
relishsuchanopportunitylikeIdid.

As he stood there looking back at me across the room, I felt my heart tripping in my chest and the

wordsIhadworkedonescapedmymind.Thecoolnessofhisgazesettlingonmewasenoughtosolidify
mymusclesandmakemymindmeltintonothing.

“MissSorenson.”Hisvoicewassosmoothandconfident,commandingwithoutaskinganythingofme.
Iopenedmymouthandfeltthewordsescapemebutthevoicesoundeddifferentthanmyown.Soft.

Weak.“Mr.Blackbourne.”

Hesteppedawayfromthepiano.Hisarmsdroppedfromhischestandheclosedthedistancebetween

us.Ididn’tmoveamuscle.Wouldheyell?

“Areyounotcomingin?”heasked.
“I...”Ifeltmyfaceheatingupandmyshouldersstartedtoshake.“I’msorry.Ijustcametotellyou...”

My tongue darted across the roof of my mouth, finding it parched. With my eyes on the floor, released
frompenetratingstare,Itriedagain.“Ican’ttakeyourclass.”

Agentlefingertracedmychin,liftingmyfaceuntilIcouldseethesparkofalmostsilverinhiseyes,

shimmeringinthelightthroughhisglasses.“Didn’tyoutellmeaweekagothiswaswhatyouwanted?”
Whilehisvoicehadthesamedemand,histonehadsoftenedconsiderably.

“Yes,”Isaid,pressingahandtomychesttoquelltheshakingIfeltashisgazesoughtoutanswersI

wasn’tabletooffer.

“Areyousuggestingthatyoudon’twanttonow?”Hiseyesdemandedmyanswer,unrelenting.
“Mymotherwon’tallowmetoplay.Iwon’tbeabletogetaviolin.”Mytonguefeltroughagainstthe

drynessofmymouth.“IknowyousaidnottocometoyourclasswithoutonebutIdidn’twanttoleave
withoutthankingyoufirstforatleastgivingmeachance.”

Hislipswerepursedforamomentashelookedovermyface.Hereleasedme.“Tellmewhatyour

mothersaidtoyou.”

My face radiated. Why couldn’t he just tell me to go? Why wasn’t he yelling at me for wasting his

time?“She...shewantedmetodropthelessons.ShesaidIhadnobusinessinamusicclass.”

Hiseyebrowraisedafraction.“Isn’tyoureldersisterintheschoolband?”
Inodded.
“Hmm.”Hishandwenttohischin.Heturnedaroundandheadedtowardthepiano.
Ithoughtthatwouldbeit.Iturnedaround,readytoleavetheroom.
“Whereareyougoing?”hissternvoicewasback.
Iremainedfacingawayfromhim,fixingmyeyesontheshinymetalhandleofthemusicroomdoor.I

waspositiveitwouldbethelasttimeIeversawit.“Iwasgoingtothemainofficeto...”

“Classisn’toveryet.”Hepaused.“Theboysofferedtobuyyouone,didn’tthey?”
Ispuntofacehim.“Howdidyouknow?”
“Butyourefused?”
Myfingerfoundmylowerlip.“Theywantedtobuyoneforme.Itoldthemnotto.Icouldn’taskthem

todosomethingformewhenIcouldn’tbesureIcouldeverpaythemback.They’vedonesomuchforme
already.”Howdidhefindoutaboutmycontactwiththeboys?Didn’tKotasaysomethingaboutnotletting
Mr.Blackbourneknowwekneweachother?Itwashintedatbefore.DidImakeamistake?Wasitokay
now?

Heturnedawayfromme.Frombehindthepiano,hepickedupablackcase.Ithoughtitwasthesame

onefromyesterday,butthisonehadaclothmaterialontheoutsideinsteadofahardcase.Therewasa
strapalongoneedgeforcarryingitonyourshoulder.“ShouldIgivethisbacktothem?”

Myheadtiltedforward,aneyebrowgoingup.Irecognizedwhatheheldinhishandsforwhatitwas,

butmybraindidn’twanttomaketheconnectionastowhyandhow.

He brought the case to me, undoing the zipper as he walked. He balanced the case on one palm. He

openedthelid.

Underneath was a violin. The wood was a rich brown, gleamingly polished. The fingerboard and

chinrestwereblack.Delicateblackpinstripingoutlinedtheedgeofthesmoothcurves.

“Wheredidyou...”Ibreathedout.
“Victorbroughtittomethismorning.”
Iflushed.Iblinkedtogetridofthetears.“Ican’t,Mr.Blackbourne.Theyshouldn’thavedoneit.”
“Youdon’twantit?”heaskedinaquietvoice.
Howcouldthey?AfterIhadtoldhimnotto,hewentaheadandgotoneanywayandbehindmyback

gotMr.Blackbourneinvolved.Theothershadtohaveknownaboutit.Howcouldtheynotunderstandthat
Ididn’twanttheburdenoffeelinglikeIowedthemforthis?Ididn’twantthemtoeverthinkIwasfriends
withthemforthethingstheyboughtforme.Guiltfortheircharityetchedintome,pricklingmyskin.

EvenasIthoughtthesethings,myfingersshookasmyhandhoveredabovethewoodoftheviolinin

frontofme.Iwastooafraidtotouchit.Ididwantit.ItwarmedmyheartthatVictorwentoutofhisway,
afterthedayhehadyesterday,andboughtoneforme.

“MissSorenson,”hesaid.“I’veknownKotaandtheotherssincetheyweretenyearsold.Whileitis

truethattheynormallyattendtheAcademyandtheyarenicepeopleingeneral,theydon’tnormallyallow
outsidersintotheircircle.Quitefrankly,I’mnotexactlysurehowyoumanagedtogetinvolvedwiththem
so quickly. From what little Kota has shared about you to me, and with great reluctance on his part,
you’veonlyknowneachotherforacoupleofweeks.”

Iblushed.“Ijustbumpedintohimoneday.”
“Andyetheretheyarebuyingyouaviolin.”
“Itoldthemnotto.”
“Andtheydiditanyway.”
“Yes.”
“Doyouunderstandwhatthatmeans?”
Ishookmyhead,unabletofindmyvoicetoreply.
“I’llshowyou.”Heclosedthelidandtuckedtheviolincaseunderonearm.Heheldhisotherarmout.

“Comewithme.”

With trembling fingers, I touched the crook of his arm. He guided me over to the piano where he

motionedformetotakeaseat.Isatatthebench,crossingmylegsattheankles.Heopenedthenewviolin
caseagain,freeingtheinstrumentfromtherestraints.Heheldtheviolintohisneck,applyingthebow.

HestartedplayingaChinesemelodythatIrecognized,butdidn’tknowthenameof.Thelong,gentle

notesvibratedatthesmallestofchangeshisfingersmadeacrossthefingerboard.Themusicpouredout
fromtheviolinlikewater,soothing,refreshing.IttookonlymomentsbeforeI’dforgottentoblushatmy
predicament.Iwasentrancedbyhisartistry.

Afterafewminutes,hestopped.Thesilencethatfilledtheroomfeltlikeithadswallowedusbothup.
“It’sanexceptionalviolin,”hesaid.Heputthebowdownandturnedtheviolinover,tracinghishand

overthewood.

“Youplaybeautifully,”Isaidsoftly.Itwastrue.Hewasanexcellentviolinist.
Hiseyesdriftedfromtheviolintomyface.Iwantedtolookaway,butthesilentcommandfromhis

grayeyesheldmeincheck.Hecradledtheviolininthecaseandapproachedme.Hebentoveruntilhis
face was level with mine. “I’m going to ask you a few questions, Miss Sorenson, and I want you to

answermeashonestlyasyoucan.Andbelieveme,Icantellifyoulie.”Hiseyeslookedovermyface,
andhisgazelandingonmylips.“Doyouliketheboys?Imeanasfriends?”

Howelsewouldhemean?Inodded.
“Youshouldspeakwhenyou’reansweringmyquestions.”
“Yes,”Isaidclearly.“Iwanttobefriendswiththem.”
“Andfriendshelpeachother,”hesaid.
Iblinkedathim,notunderstandingifthiswasaquestion.“Yes.”
“TheboyshavehadanunusuallifestyleeversincetheyjoinedtheAcademy,”hesaid.“Loyaltyisabig

partofourcurriculum.Onceyou’reapartoftheirteam,anythingyouneed,theAcademywillprovideit.
It’sthewaywework.Wedon’thavetimetowasteworryingaboutself-inflictedpride.”

Hearing him talk about this mysterious Academy had me entranced. “I thought I wasn’t supposed to

knowabouttheschool.”

Hestoodupandcrossedtheroom,puttinghishandsbehindhisbackandpacinginfrontofthepiano.

“Our work requires strict secrecy. We’re exposing ourselves as it is being in this school. The school
boardandtheprincipalonlyknowwe’reaprivateschool.Thereisalottheydon’tknowaboutit.Wetry
tokeepourstudentsanonymous.Ihopeyou’llkeepoursecret.”

Morethanjustaprivateschool.Whatdidthatmean?Sothiswasmorethanjustafavorfromaprivate

schoolforthepublicschoolsystemorelsetheymighthaveaskedalessenigmaticschoolforhelp.Ifthat
wasthecase,whatwasinitforthemtobehere?“I’venevertoldanyone,”Isaid.

Hiseyesdarkened,narrowingatme.“Youhavetounderstand,”hesaid.“Youcannevertalkaboutthis.

Not with family. Not with your friends. There’s more at stake here than this school.” He took a step
toward me, motioning in my direction. “Kota’s taken a big risk even mentioning it to you at all. I don’t
believe this is the best for the team, but I trust his judgment. However, I need your absolute word that
you’llnevermentionanythingyouhearussaytoanyoneelse.Itdoesn’tmatterhowtrivialyouassumeit
mightbe.Lipsclosed.”

Iswallowed.ThiswasmorethanIexpectedtoday,butIknewIwouldnevertellanyone.Ihadnoone

totalktobesidesKotaandtheothers.Didn’theknowthat?OrwasthatwhyKotafelthecouldtrustme?
BecauseIwasfriendlessandwasn’tclosetomyfamily?DidhenottellthattoMr.Blackbourne?Iforced
myselftolookhimintheeyes.IwantedhimtobelievethisasIfeltitwasimportanttoemphasizethatI
wantedtoearntheirtrust.“I’llneversayaword.Ever.Ifyouwantmetoswearittosomething,Iwill.”

Hiseyessoftened.Heturnedonhisheelsashepaced.“AsIwassaying,theAcademytaughtthemto

takecareofoneanother.”

“ButI’mnotintheAcademy,”Isaid.
“Youareoneofthemnow,though,ortheyconsideryoutobe.Thatinstincttosimplydowhattheother

needshasbeenworkedintothemsofluidly.You’llhavetoforgivethisflaw.Theydon’treallythinkabout
whatitmeanstosomeonelikeyou,whomayfeelindebtedtothem.TrustmewhenIsayyouwon’tever
haveto.They’llneverask.”Hiseyessparked.“It’llhappenagain.Ifyouwanttobefriendswiththem,
you’llhavetoletthemdoit.Idon’tthinkthey’dunderstandifyourejectedanythingtheygiveyou.They
possiblywouldn’tallowitatall.”

Myheartskippedabeat.“But...”
“Ihopeyouwon’ttakeadvantageoftheirkindness.”
“I’vebeentryingnotto,”
Thecornerofhismouthliftedamillimeter,softeninghissternfeatures.“IfIhadthoughtotherwise,I

wouldn’thaveallowedthis.”

Mybreathcaught.Washepleasedwithme?

The door to the music room swung open. I peeled my eyes away from Mr. Blackbourne’s face. Mr.

Blackbourneturnedtoaddresswhoeveritwas,blockingmyview.Istoodupbehindhim.

“Mr.Blackbourne,”calledafamiliarvoiceandIpeeredaroundMr.Blackbourne’sshoulder.Principal

Hendricks stood on the other side of the music room. His large hands curled into almost-fists as he
advancedtowardus.“I’vebeentryingtogetaholdofyou.”

“I’mfairlybusy,”Mr.Blackbournesnappedathim.“Ihaveastudent.”
Principal Hendricks’s eyes popped open and he tilted his head, spotting me. “Hello again, Miss

Sorenson.”

Mr.Blackbournestiffened.DidhethinkIwasatroublemaker?OrdidhethinkIwasfriendlywiththe

Principalandwouldtellhimthingshejustmademesweartokeepprivate?

ImanagedtonodatPrincipalHendricks.Whatwasgoingon?
“Ineededtotalktoyouaboutwhytheboysaren’twearinguniforms,”Mr.Hendrickssaid.
Mr.Blackbournefrowned.“Iemailedyouthattheydon’thaveany.TheAcademyisn’t...”
“You don’t understand,” Mr. Hendricks’ voice deepened into a menacing tone. “The school board is

after me to make sure the boys become the ‘ideal’ students for this school. If they’re going to set the
standard,theyhavetobethestandard.I’vealreadytalkedtotheboardandtheyagree.Wehavetoshow
thesekidswhatwillbehappeninginthenextcoupleofyears.Theycaneitherstickwithitorgetout.”

“You’ll isolate my students, Mr. Hendricks,” Mr. Blackborne replied. “There will be a lot more

troubleifyouinsistonthis.”

“Isn’tityourjobtohandlethat?”Mr.Hendricksasked.“Didn’twehireyouto...”
“Ithinkweshoulddiscussthissomewhereelse,”Mr.Blackbourneretorted.
“Why?”heasked.“She’soneofyours,isn’tshe?”
Myheadtiltedback,aneyebrowgoingup.HestillthoughtIwasfromtheAcademy?
Mr. Blackbourne shifted until he was standing completely in front of me, like a shield against the

principal.

“Isaidjustsevenstudents,”Mr.Hendrickssaid.“Ifyouthoughtyoucouldwriggleonepastme...”
“I’llseewhatIcandoabouttherequireduniforms,”Mr.Blackbournesaid.“ButI’mwarningyou.By

separating my students like this, it makes them walking targets. They won’t be responsible for what
happens.Theywon’tbetheexampleyouexpectiftheystandout.”

Whydidn’thesayIwasn’thisstudent?WashegoingtoletMr.Hendrickscontinuetoassume?Isthat

whyHendricksandMcCoyseemedtobealmostfollowingmearoundschool?

Mr.Hendricksrockedbackonhisheelsabit,lookingsatisfied.“Iwanttoseeuniformsonthosekids

byFriday.We’vegottheboardmemberscomingbytoseethisforthemselves.”Ipeekedaroundtowatch
asMr.HendricksnoddedtoMr.Blackbourneandturnedhiseyesonmedarkly.“Haveaniceday,Miss
Sorenson.”

IswallowedasMr.Hendricksturnedandlefttheroom.Theairpressureintheroomseemedtoliftbut

onlyjust.

“MissSorenson,”Mr.Blackbournesaidquietly,stilllookingatthedoorafterMr.Hendricks.“Itrust

youcankeepwhatyou’vejustheardtoyourself?”

“Yes,”Isaidquietly.WhowouldItell?DidhemeanKotaandtheothers,too?Wouldtheybemadeto

wear uniforms? How could the principal seem to want this so badly? If they’re that different, Mr.
Blackbourne was right. Other kids would pick on them. Fights may ensue. It was almost like Mr.
Hendricksdidn’tcare,orevenwantedthattohappen.

AndwhydidMr.BlackbournenottellhimwhoIreallywas?
“Good.”Mr.Blackbourneturnedslowlytowardme,hiseyescoolandcalculating.“Ifhetalkstoyou

again,directallquestionstome.Justtome,nottheothers.Understand?”

Inodded.“Iwill.”
Hestudiedmeforamomentandnodded.Fromunderhisbreath,hewhisperedsomething.Idon’tthink

Iwasmeanttohearitbutinthequietoftheroom,Iheardeveryword.“Let’shopeKotaknowswhathe’s
doingwithyou.”

N

OTES

A

ND

P

ROPOSALS

V

ictorwaswaitingformeoutsideofthemusicroom.Hiseyebrowrosewhenhespottedtheviolin

case.“Well?”

I blushed, shaking my head. I still wasn’t sure if Mr. Blackbourne meant I should keep secrets from

them.Justincase,Ioptedforsilence.IwouldgiveMr.Blackbournecontrolofhowmuchinformationhe
wantedtotellthemaboutwhathappened.“SomeonedidsomethingwhenItoldhimnotto.”Iwastryingto
soundsternbutIcouldn’tstopthesmileonmyface.Iknewthatwaswhathewasaskingaboutanyway.

Victorsmirked.“Oh,youmeantit?”
Irolledmyeyes.“Thankyou,Victor.”
Hishandfoundmine,givingitasmalltugtoindicateweshouldgetgoing.Histhumbsmoothedover

myskinonthebackofmyhand.ItseemedtomakehimsohappythatIacceptedhisgift.

Werushedouttotrailer32andslidinside.Northwaswaitinginachairintheback,hisarmscrossed.

Hisshouldersrelaxedwhenhespottedus.Hedidn’tseemsurprisedbytheviolincase.

WhenIslidintotheseatinfrontofhim,heleanedoverhisdeskandwhisperedtothebackofmyhead.

“Finishyourhomework?”

“Uhhuh,”Isaid,unsureifIshouldturn,fearingImightbumpintohisface.ItwistedaroundslowlysoI

wouldn’tspookhim.

Hesatbackalittlebuthisfacewasstillclosetominethatitfeltawkward.“Letmeseeit?”
Ifishedoutmyessayinmybookbagandhandeditover.
Hescanneditandpasseditback.“Goodgirl.”
Ipulledaface.“Checkingforspellingerrors?”
Heturnedforhissatchelbag,pickingoutanotebook.“Youdidn’thaveany,”hesaid.
Iblinkedathim.Heonlyhadmypaperforaminute.Howdidheknowsoquickly?
Mr. Morris asked for our homework but only half the class turned in anything. The papers were

collectedandMr.Morrishadusopenourbooks,tellingustoreadthefirstchapter.

“Iwanteyesonpages,lipsclosed.Youcantakenotesifyouwant.Irecommendit.You’regoingto

haveatestnextweekonchaptersoneandtwo.”

NorthandVictorgruntedbutneithersaidanything.Ihadtoagree.Washeteachingtheclassorwashe

justgoingtohaveusreadfromthebookandwriteessays?

Twentyminuteslater,myeyeswereglazingoverthepage.Iwasn’ttiredbutitwasaboringbookand

thefirstchapterwasexactlywhatIhadwrittenaboutinmyessay,soitfeltrepetitive.Ispentmostofthe
timewritingdowndatesanddetailsinmynotebookjusttokeepmyselfawake.

Ifeltanudgeonmyarmandturned,halfexpectingitwasNorth.Thegirlnexttomeheldafoldednote

outtome,lookingannoyedthatshewasdoingso.Iglancedaround.Mr.Morriswasbentoverhisdesk
readingtheessays.

BeforeIcouldreachouttotakethenote,Northsnatcheditfromthegirl’shand.Thenotedisappeared

intohispocket.Iglancedbackathim,lookingconfused.Hiseyesdarkenedandhetiltedhisheadatme,
hisexpressiontellingmetonevermindandtogetbacktoreading.Hecouldhavebeentheteacher,his

gazewassodemanding.Iturnedbackinmyseat,bendingovermynotebookandblushing.Wasitmeant
formeorsomeoneelseandIwassupposedtopassiton?Ifeltsorryforwhomeveritwasmeantforand
whoeverwroteit.

Whentheclasswasover,IlingeredbackwithNorthandVictor.Otherstudentswerealmostrunningto

getoutthedooranddownthesidewalktowardthebuilding.Wetrailedbehindeveryoneelse,including
theteacher,ontheirwaytolunch.

“North?”Iaskedhim.Hewaswalkingtomyleftandsoclosethatourarmswerebrushing.“Whatwas

thenote?”

“Nothingforyoutoworryabout,”hesaid,hisfacetransfixedaheadofus.
I slid a glance to Victor, who seemed distracted. He had his hands in his pockets. I had the urge to

reachforhishandlikehe’ddonesomanytimeswithmebutIcouldn’tgetmyselftodoit.

Atlunch,IactuallymissedNathanandfeltsorrythatIhadteasedhimaboutthetacosoup.Ifeltlikehe

wasmissingout,eventhoughitwasonlyschool.Iwasprobablytheonlyonewhofeltthelackofhim.I
satonthebenchbetweenLukeandKota.Atthebenchfacingus,Victor,GabrielandSilassattogether.
Northsatcross-leggedonthegrassbetweenus.

Nooneelsesaidawordabouttheviolincase.ItwasjustlikeMr.Blackbournehadsaid.Itseemed

theyallexpectedmetohaveone.Theygotwhatevertheyneeded.

Kotaopenedhisbookbag,pullingoutthethermos.
“Soyoudidhaveleftovers,”Isaid,smiling.
Kotanoddedtome.“Mymomsaidyou’resupposedtocomeoversometimethisweekendifyoucan.”
“AmIintrouble?DidIleaveamess?”
Helaughed.“Nothinglikethat.Shewantsyourrecipe.”
“What do you have?” Luke asked. He had bought a candy bar from the vending machine and was

chewingonit.

TheothersperkedupwhenKotapulledoutsomeplasticcups.Ihelpedhimashepouredoutlukewarm

tacosoupandpasseditaround.

“Sincewhendidyoucook,Kota?”Northasked,puttingaplasticspoonintohissoupandscoopingout

alittle.

“ItwasSang,”Gabrielsaid.Hehadhishandoutwaitingformetopassonetohim,lookinganxious.

“Shemadeitlastnight.It’sfuckinggood,too.”

Silasgrinnedatme.NorthandLukesniffedattheircups.
“It’snotpoison,”Isaid.
“Not this time, huh?” North asked. He almost did a fraction of a smile. He dipped his spoon in and

tookabite.

Lukenudgedmewithhiselbowbetweenbites.“Okay.You’recuteandyoucancook.”Hespokeup,

lookingattheothers.“That’sit.We’rekeepingher.”

Ibeamed.Afterthehighlyemotionalmorningsofar,thislittlebitofpeacewiththeguyswasjustwhat

Ineeded.

The taco soup was gone within moments. Silas was holding the thermos, looking longingly at the

openingashehelditupsidedownoverhiscup.Ikeptmygrintoaminimalandgotup,crossingtowhere
hewassittingonthebench.Iheldoutmyhalf-finishedcupofsoup.

Silasglancedupatme.“Youshouldeat,”hesaid.
“I’m not really hungry.” In truth, I really wasn’t. I was too excited to eat. I held out the cup to him

again.“Givemeyouremptyone.”

Hesmiledatmeasheswappedhisemptycupformine.“Thankyou.”
Ipickeduphisspoonfromhiscup.“Doyouwantyourspoon?”
Heshookhishead,takingmyspoonoutofthecupandusedittotakeanotherbite.Itriedtohidehowit

mademyheartmeltthathedidn’tmindusingmyspoon.Ididn’tquiteunderstandwhy.

IheldmyhandouttoNorthandVictor,whowerestillholdingtheiremptycups.“I’llgotossthem,”I

said.

Victor handed his over. North continued to sit but reached for the cups in my hands. “I’ll do it,” he

said.

“It’sokay,”Isaid.“I’vegotit.Thetrash’srightoverthere.”Ipointedtowherethereweretwonextto

eachdooroneithersideofthecourtyard.“I’mnotgoingfar.”ItsurprisedmethatIwasjustassuminghe
meanthedidn’twantmegoingalone.Iwasgettingtoousedtothemfollowingme.Wasitreallyonlythe
seconddayofschool?

North smirked and handed over his cup. I collected everyone else’s, too, as Kota reclaimed his

thermosandtheguysstartedtalkingaboutclasses.

I crossed the courtyard with the cups in my hand, making a beeline for the trashcans. A shiver ran

throughmeasIfeltmoreeyesonmethanjusttheboys’.WhenIdumpedthecupsandturnedaround,there
wasagroupofguyslaughingandwalkingtowardthedoorsthatIwasstandingnear.

Oneofthemspottedme,smiling.Hewasabigguywithredhairandbroadarms.Hisfreckledcheeks

puffedoutashegrinned.“Hey,prettylady,”hecalled.

Itriedtoignoreit,butIhadtowalkaroundtheirgroupanditforcedmetomakeawidecircletoavoid

walkingthroughthem.Theredhairedguyaltereddirectionandmoseyedtowardme.Hegrabbedmyhand,
gotononekneeandinaloud,butverysinceretone,heasked,“Heysexy,willyoumarryme?”

Igaspedandmyheadjerkedback,asifIwaspositivehewasn’treallyaskingme,butsomeonebehind

meandIwasintheway.

Theboysaroundhimstartedlaughing.Oneofthemshouted,“Mike,youscaredher.”
Mikeearnestlylookedupatmefromhisknee.“Willyou?”heasked.“Please?”
Washebeingserious?WhatwouldhehavedoneifIsaidyes?Iknewforthemostparthemusthave

beenteasingme.

Icamebackfrommydisbeliefandshookmyhead.“I’msorry,”Isaid.
“Damn,”Mikesaid.Hejumpedupfromtheground,releasingmyhandandshrugged.“I’vegottafind

meawife.”Herushedbyme,hisfriendsfollowinghimandlaughing.

Istaredafterhim,speculating.Isensedsomeonebehindmeandturned,nearlybumpingintoLuke.He

was close enough I could smell the sugar and vanilla of his cologne. He grinned and wriggled his
eyebrowsatme,hisblondlocksfallinginhiseyes.

“What?”Iaskedhim.Ihadn’tgonefarandhefollowedme.Iwonderedhowlonghehadbeenstanding

there.Wouldtheyalwayscomeafterme?

“Nevergoneonadateandyou’vejustbeenaskedtogetmarried,”hesaid.“Ithinkthat’safirst.”He

grabbedmyhand,turningtowalkback.“Let’sgobeforehecomesbackwitharing.”

Myfacewasonfirewhenwegotbacktotheothers.Lukeheldontomyhandaswestoodthere.He

diditsobluntlythatmyheartwasthunderingandIhalfstoodbehindhim.

“Whatwasthatabout?”Northasked.
“Sang’shadherfirstmarriageproposal,”Lukesaid,chuckling.Hesqueezedmyhand.
Hislaughwasinfectious,soIstartedtorelax.“Hecouldn’thavebeenserious,”Isaid.“Hewasjust

teasingmeorsomething.”

Victor’s mouth hung open. Kota pushed his glasses up his nose, looking confused. Gabriel laughed.

SilasandNorthtwistedaround,scanningthecourtyardtowheretheguyshaddisappearedinside.

“Whowashe?”Northasked.
“Idon’tknow,”Isaid.“I’veneverseenhimbefore.Ithinkitwasrandom.”
Hedidn’tlookconvinced.“Whatwashisname?”
“TheguyscalledhimMike.”
Gabrielwasstillsnickering.“We’regoingtohavetokeepaclosereyeonyou.”
Northdugintohispocketsandpulledoutahandfuloffoldednotesinhispockets.Heopenedeachof

themonhislap,flatteningthepapersandcheckingthesignatures.“Nope.NoMike.”

“Whatarethose?”Kotaasked.
“NotesforSang,”Northsaid.Hecrumpledthemtogetherandstuffedthembackintohispocket.
Mymouthslackenedandmyheadcockedatanangletowardhim.“Areyousure?Whatdotheysay?”
North shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. If a guy can’t say it to your face, he doesn’t get to pass you

notes.”

IsharedaglancewithLuke.Lukesmirkedathisbrother.“Youmeanshe’sgettingnotesinclassfrom

boys?”

“There’saparticularlypersistentoneinourhistoryclass.”
“Which one?” I asked. It left me uncomfortable that guys were passing me notes and I didn’t know

whatwasgoingon.HadNorthinfiltratedallofthoseformeandIjustnownoticedtheoneinclass?Were
thereothers?Wasitthatbadtogetnotes?Iwonderediftheyallsaidbadthingsandhewasprotectingme
fromthem.

“Doesn’tmatter,”Northsaidfirmly.
I looked at Victor to see if he had some insight. Victor’s face was blank, and he only shrugged. “I

didn’tseeit.”

Iwasn’tquiteconvincedandthoughtmaybehedidknowandhefibbed.Eitherhedidn’twanttogetin

themiddleofthisorheagreedwithNorth.Icouldn’tbesure.

“Oy,”Gabrielcalledout.“Youcan’tjusttakehershit.Someonewasgivingthattoher.”
NorthtiltedhisheadarounduntilhewaseyeingGabriel.“Excuseme?”
Gabriel glowered at him. “Sang’s never had notes passed to her in class and you’re taking her first

ones.That’slikeafuckinglifeexperienceorsomething.”

I blushed. How would Gabriel know if I’d never been passed notes in class? But then it must be

obvious.Someonelikemewouldn’tgetnotes.

“Then you write her one,” North said. “No face, no note. That’s chicken shit. This isn’t first grade

whereyou’redrawingboxeswiththewhole‘doyoulikeme,checkyesorno’choices.”

Luke leaned into me, his lips nearly tracing my ear as he whispered, “I bet the girls checked the no

boxesforhimwhenhewasinfirstgrade.”

“Icanhearyou,”Northsaid,leaningbackonhishandstolookup,hisintensedarkeyesfixingonmy

face.“Sang,doyouwantthem?”

Ifithadbeenmomentsago,beforeNorthhadsaidanythingatall,Imighthavesaidyes.Hedidhavea

pointthough.InawayitwaskindofcreepytogetanotepassedtomefromsomeoneIdidn’tknow.What
wouldanyonehavetosaytome?“Iguessnot.Justletmeknowiftheysayanythinglike,‘I’mgoingtoeat
yourliver’.Imightwantaheadsup.”

Hesmirkedatme.Everyonelaughed.

InthemiddleofJapaneseclasswithVictor,Iwasbentoveranotebook,practicingsomehiraganathat

weweresupposedtobelearningwhenthedooropened.

“HelloPrincipalHendricks,”Dr.Greensaid.“Welcome.”
PrincipalHendricksenteredtheclassroom.Hesmiled,hiseyessweptovertheroom,singlingmeout

andhegavemeawinkbeforehecrossedtheroomtheshortdistancetowardDr.Green.

Isnappedtoattentioninmychair,blushing.Whatnow?
Victor’sbreathteasedthehairatthebackofmyhead.“Areweintrouble?”
“Maybe.”
Victorgrunted.
PrincipleHendricksleanedintoDr.Greentospeak,buthisvoicewasdeepenoughthatweheardit

fromthebackoftheclass.“I’msorrytointerrupt,butIwonderedifIcouldborrowVictorMorganfora
moment?”

Dr.Green’seyesslippedtoVictor.Icaughtthatlookheshared.Hehadthatsamesilentcommunication

ability.Dr.Greendidn’tmissabeat.HeturnedhisheadbacktoHendricks.“Ofcourse!Byallmeans.”

Victorstoodupbyhischair.Iabsentmindedlyrubbedatthedipinmythroatashewalkeduptothe

frontoftheroom,standingstraightasanarrowandawaitinginstructions.

When Hendricks took a look at him, he frowned. “What?” he chuffed. “Your face, son. You look

terrible.”

Wasthisaboutyesterday?Washegoingtoaskhimquestionsaboutwhyhewasn’tinschool?Victor

didn’tlooktoobad.Hismake-uphadheldup.Thebandagewasstillonhischeek.

Victor’seyesfixedonmeforonlythebriefestmoment,thefirelightingup,beforeturningbacktohim.

“HowcanIhelpyou,sir?”heaskedinthesmoothestwayI’veheardhimspeakyet.

HendricksnoddedhisheadtowardthedoorandVictorfollowed.Aftertheyleft,IcaughtDr.Green’s

eyes.Weexchangedbewilderedlooks.Itdidn’tseemlikeanyofusknewwhatthiswasabout.

Victorwasgonefortheentireclass.Whenthebellrang,Igrabbedhisbag,too.Dr.Greenhelduphis

handasIcameforwardinclasstowardthedoor.

“MissSang,”hesaid.“Canyoustayforaminute?”
Isuckedinabreath.Hiskindeyeswerebeggingmewithoutaskingoutloud.
Ishuffledthebookbagsandthecaseinmyhandsastheotherslefttheroom.Dr.Greencrossedhis

arms and leaned against the front desk. I liked his green striped tie and noticed his lean muscles as his
forearmspressedhiswhitecollaredshirttohisbody,promisingafitbodyunderneath.“Howoftenhave
youseenMr.Hendricksinthelastweek?”

Iblinkedathimandcountedoffthetopofmyhead.“Maybefourorfivetimes?”
“Isthatnormalforyou?Doesthathappenaroundyouoften?”
Iwasn’tsureexactlywhathewasmeaning.“Idon’tthinkso.”
“Ididn’tthinkso,either.”
ThedoorswungopenandVictorenteredtheclassroom.Hischeeksflushedashelookedatusstanding

together.

“Victor,”Dr.Greensaid.“Whathappened?”
“He had me interviewed by some journalist for the newspaper,” Victor said. “Victor Morgan now

attendsAshleyWaters.Thepresslovesit.”Hecrossedtheroom,takinghisbookbagfrommyhands.“But
wedon’thavetimerightnow.We’vegottogettoclass.Comeon,Sang.”

IlookedbackatDr.Greenbutheonlysmiledsoftlyandnodded,flippinghishandsatmeasifIshould

hurryandfollow.

IhurriedsoIcouldwalkalongsideVictor.Hewasfrowning,pushinghishairawayfromhisfaceashe

walked.

“Whatdidthereporterwant?”Iasked.Iwalkedclosetohimincasehewantedtobequiet.

“Theyweredoingaspecialreportaboutthenewkidsinschoolina‘specialprogram’.”Heheaveda

sigh.“It’sbad,Sang.Weweren’tsupposedtobecaughtoutlikethis.”

“ShouldwegotalktoMr.Blackbourne?”
“I’mgoingtogodothat,”hesaid.“I’mgettingyoutoclassfirst.”
“Icangomyself,”Ioffered,“ifyouneedtohurryandgotalktohim?”
Hisfireeyesflickeredatme.Hegraspedformyhand,tuggingmealong.“It’sontheway.”

T

OOTH

A

ND

N

AIL

G

abrielandIwereseparatedforallofgymclassaswewereinstructedonwheretositinseparate

groupsfromboysandgirls.Theguysandgirlswerebothtakentotheirdesignatedlockerroomstotryout
our locker combinations. Since we didn’t have anything else to do, the girl’s coach had us wait in the
lockerroomuntiltheendofclass.

Ireallycouldn’tfocusontheconversationwiththeothergirls.Isatawayfromthem,mykneespulled

uptomychest,driftingoff.Victorwasinterviewedbythenewspaper.Wouldtherebeanarticleabouthim
tomorrow in the paper? Would all the boys be interviewed? Would Mr. Blackbourne allow it? I didn’t
understandwhatitmeant,butiftheyneededtobeasecret,wouldn’tthatbetheworst?Victorhadsaidit
was a bad thing. I rubbed at my forehead, wanting desperately to learn these secrets. How my world
turnedoverinacoupleofdays,Ididn’tunderstand.Itwasonethingtohavebrandnewfriendsandanew
school. It was another to have friends with secrets from an elite Academy no one was allowed to talk
about. Further still was the fact that at nearly every turn, the boys were at risk and I was caught in the
middle.

WhatelsecouldIdo?Gobacktobeingnooneagain?Sittingintheshadows?Iknewotherstudents

weren’tworryingaboutthethingsIwasworryingabout.HowfardidIwanttotakethis?Insideofme,I
knew that answer. I blamed my insatiable curiosity and my desire to please Kota and the others. I was
hookedontheirfaces,theirsmells,andtheirtouches,andthepossibilityofbelongingwiththem.They’d
saidbeforeIwasoneofthemnow.WasIreally?Whydidn’tIfeellikeIwas?Thisfeltlikesomething
biggerthanthefriendshipsIsawaroundmyselfwithotherstudents.Academyfriendswerestronger.Was
itbetter?

Whenclasswasover,Iwasn’tsureifIshouldwaitforGabrielorwalkontothebuswithouthim.I

waited alone in the front hallway close to the gym doors and the entry way to the boys’ locker room,
searchingoutGabriel.Ididn’twanttoleavehimbehindjustincasehewastryingtogettome.

Minutespassed.IwasabouttogiveupandheadtothebusbymyselfbecauseIwasafraidIwould

missit.Shoutingechoedfromaroundthecorner,neartheboys’lockerroom.

“Hey,faggot,”aloudvoicevibratedthroughtheair.“Whereareyougoinginahurry?”
I turned the corner. There were a handful of guys standing around the far wall of the hallway,

surroundingsomeone.I’dseensomethinglikethatafewtimesatmyoldschoolwhenfightswereaboutto
start.Myfirstinstinctwastorun.Duckingyourheadiswhateveryonedid.Ifitwasn’tyourbusiness,you
didn’tgetinvolved.Whatpropelledmetoremainandlook,Ididn’tknow.Isearchedthefacesoftheten
orsoboys.

Gabrielwasattheheartofthegroup,againstthewall,pressedbyalargeguywhohadforearmsasbig

ashisneck.

Myfingerspressedintomypalms.Myheartstopped.
GabrielmurmuredsomethingtotheguyholdinghimandIcouldn’thearit.
“Shut the fuck up,” the guy holding him by the shoulder pulled Gabriel away from the wall, only to

slamhimbackintoit.Gabriel’sheadrolledloosely,hiseyesgoinguptotheceilingbuthedidnothingto
stopit.

“Gabriel!”MylipsmovedandmyvoicecalledtohimbeforeIcouldstopmyself.
Gabriel’scrystalblueeyesflashedatme,focusingfromacrossthehallway.Despitehissilentpleading

warningmeotherwise,Idroppedmythingsbythewall,stridingforward.Iwasn’tgoingtoleavehim.

The guy and his friends holding Gabriel turned and saw me coming. “Hey there,” the guy holding

Gabriel said. “Where’d you come from, sexy?” His short cropped, curly brown hair looked greasy.
Randompimplessplatteredhisface.

MyeyesflickeredtoGabrielforonlyamoment.IlookedbackatthebullyandIjerkedmychintoward

Gabriel.“Whatareyouplayingaroundwithhimfor?”

“What?Youmeangay‘tard,here?”theguyasked,pushingintoGabriel’sshoulder.
Gabrielgrunted.
Myfingernailsdugintomypalms.Myheartthunderedtolifeinmychestandmylipsflewopen.“What

areyou?Somekindofhomophobe?”

Theguyreeledhisheadback,lettinggoofGabrielandpointingapudgyfingeratmyface.“Whatdid

yousay?”

“Ijustwonderedwhyyouwerehereplayingwiththeboysinsteadofthegirls.”
“Sang,”Gabrielcalled.Hewasonhisfeet,hisbackagainstthewallandbreathingheavily.Didthey

hithimalready?“Don’t,”hepuffedout.

“Shutthefuckup,”theguysaid,andhejabbedhisfistintoGabriel’sgut.
Gabriel bent over, holding his abs. “Yeah, yeah, you’ve said that already,” he quipped, sucking in a

breaththroughhisteeth.

Theguy’shandmovedintoafistagainbutmyhandshotout,cuppingaroundhisknuckles.Hepaused,

hiseyeswideningandconfusioncoveringhisface.

WhatwasIdoing?Mymindblankedout.Iwasn’tabouttolethimhitGabrielagain.Wherethenew

senseofbraverycamefrom,Iwasn’tsure.AllIknewwassomeonewholikedmewasintroubleandI
wasn’tabouttolethimdown.“Dude,seriously.Areyougoingtoplaywithhimorme?”

Feetshiftedaroundme.Mumbling,laughing.Werepeopleonlygoingtowatch?Didtheythinkthiswas

funny?

“Gohome,Sang,”Gabrielcalledtome.
“Shedoesn’twanttotalktoafag,”thebullyspatathim.Heturnedtome.“You’reSang?I’veheard

aboutyou.”

Myeyebrowsshotup,shakingmeoutofmyfauxconfidence.“What?”
“Gregsaidyouwerekinkyshit.”Hislipspulledback,revealingyellowedteethashegrinned.
Ibitmylowerlip,losingtheangerasthefocusturnedtome.Rumorswerespreadingaboutme.What

didGregtellthem?

Itookastepback,bumpingintosomeonebehindme.Itforcedmetostop.Handsgrabbedmybiceps,

locking me in place against someone’s chest. I yanked to free myself. The hands tightened. I twisted to
checkovermyshoulderbutheheldmeinplace.

Thecrowedofguysstartedlaughing,circlingaroundme.ThemainbullyletgoofGabrielandclosed

offthecircle.

“Lethergo,”Gabrielwarned.Icouldn’tseehimaroundthegroup.
Mythroatseized.IwantedtotellhimtorunlikehedidformebutIcouldn’tfindmyvoice.I’dtaken

thistoofar.IredirectedattentionlikeIthoughtIwanted.Nowwhat?Heshouldgogettheothers.Gofind
ateachertostopthis.

Theguyignoredhim,hisyellowedteethparting.“Whatdoyouguysthink?”heaskedthegrouparound

us.“Dowewanttoseewhatkinkyshitlookslike?”

Hishandshotout,hisfingershookedthecollarofmyshirtandwrenched.Twobuttonsbroke,bouncing

tothefloor.

“Getyourfuckinghandsoffofher,”Gabrielflewintotheair,droppinghardonthebackoftheguywho

yankedmyshirt.Hisfeetconnectedwiththebackofthebully’sknees.Hisfiststruckthesideoftheguy’s
neck.

Thebullyslumpedtothefloor.Hisvoiceeruptedintoahowl.Hechoked.Hispalmswrappedaround

histhroat,andheslurpedattheair.

The guy who’d grabbed me pulled back, yanking me with him. The others started piling on top of

Gabriel.IcriedoutGabriel’sname.Gabrieldisappearedamidapileofstudents,allswingingathisbody.

I tugged, kicked and jerked myself to get free. The guy behind me gripped my arms tighter until my

kneesbuckledatthepain.

Abodyflewintothefightinablur,landingontopofoneofthestudents.Hemovedlikeablur.My

heartleaptthatsomeone,anyone,wastryingtohelpGabriel.Hisheadturned,lookingmyway.

Myheartwentfrompoundingamileaminute,todeadstill.
ItwasKota.Hisglassesweregone,whichwaswhyIdidn’trecognizehimsooner.
Victorsailedinbehindhim.TheywrenchedattheshouldersofguyspilingontopofGabriel.
Kota’sfistswungatsomeone’sabdomen.Victorliftedafoot,hisheelmakingcontactwithsomeone’s

chest.

Shouting echoed to an all-encompassing thundering in the hallway. Most of the guys who had been

watching and laughing fled. The handful that remained swung fists at the boys. Most flailed, trying to
launchthemselvesattheAcademyguystoknockthemover.

Kota,VictorandGabrielstruckwithprecision.Theywaited,dodgedandjabbed.Nathanwasnotthe

onlyonewhohadtraining.

Iwasshovedasidelikeunwantedtrash.Ilandedonmyknees,andpainradiatedfrommybruises.It

knockedthebreathfrommylungs.

Theguywhohadheldmesteppedovermybodytojoinin.HeseizedVictorbyhisshirt,heavinghim

back.

Iflewtomyfeet,wantingtohelpandnothavingacluewhattodo.Myhandsfoundtheguy’sshirt,and

IyankedashardasIcould.

Thecollarofhisshirtjerkedintotheguy’sneckhard.HeletgoofVictor,whirledwithhishandout.It

madecontactwithmyface.

“Sang!”Victor’sshoutfilledmyears.
Mybackrammedintothewall.
Ifelltothefloor.Mysandalsslidoutfromundermeonthetile.Tearsfilledmyeyesatthestingatmy

cheek.Mytongueshotout,tastingbloodatmylip.

Victor’sfistandfootcollidedwiththesideoftheguy’shead.Whentheguyswungoutagain,Victor

jabbedhimwithafistathisface.

Theguyreeledback,duckingawayfromVictor’soncomingfoot.Hebacktrackedandstumbledtoward

theexit.

Victorwhirledonme,hisfireeyesaroaringblaze.“Sang!”hecalledout,droppingtohiskneesnextto

me.Hisfingertipsbrushedagainstmyforehead.

Forthemoment,allIcouldseewerefireeyes.
Gabriel’s cursing barked over the others. Kota shouted to people in the hallway to clear out,

commandinganyonelefttogohome.

Victor collected me in his arms. My body trembled. I wanted to be brave and stand up but my body

wouldn’tallowit.Iswallowedbacktears.Iwasashamed.I’dbeenstupid.Icouldn’thelpGabrieleven
whenIwantedto.Imadeitworse.

Victor’sarmsencircledmeclosetohisbody,hischeekmeetingmine.
“Victor,”Iwhispered,findingmylipsnearhisearandtracingathisskin.Iwasunabletospeaklouder.

Nowthatitwasover,Iwasawreck.

Victorshudderedagainstme.Hebentdown,hisarmgoingundermythighsandhepickedmeupoffthe

floor.Myfaceburiedintohisshoulder.Iwasworriedabouttheothers,buttooafraidtolookatthem.

Victorheldme,notasking,notjudging.Hesimplyheldon.Hischeekpressedtomyforehead.
“Sang,” Gabriel whispered. I opened my eyes and turned my face toward his voice. Blood trickled

fromhisnoseandhischeekwaspuffy.Hishandsoughtoutmineandhesqueezedit.

Kotawasnexttohim,lookingoverhisshoulder.Bloodstainedtheshoulderofhiswhiteshirt.Histie

wasflungoverhisshoulder.Hislipstaunt,hiseyesdark.“Let’sgethertoDr.Green.”

IwantedtotellthemthatIwasfine,thatIcouldwalkandthatIdidn’tneedanything.Gabriellooked

worsethanme.Mymouthwasn’tworking.Mylipsfeltswollenshut.Mycheekstung.Mykneesached.I
didn’t want to let go of Victor. I wanted to let go of him to hold Gabriel because he looked terrible. I
wantedKota.

Victorcarriedmethroughthenowemptyhallways.Tryingtofigureoutwhereweweregoingmademe

dizzy.Iforcedmyeyesclosed,myforeheadagainsthisneck.Hisbreathingwasragged.Hegrippedmy
backandthigh.Hewasn’tlettinggo.

KotaandGabrielmarchedbesidehim.Thecontinuedsilencehadmetremblingagain.Noonestopped

usiftheywalkedby.

Victor stopped. There was a gentle breeze of a door opening and then another. Victor drew me in

closerasthenewhallwaywassmaller.Icoweredintomyselfinanefforttomakemyselfsmaller.

Anotherdooropened.
“Whathappened?”Dr.Green’svoicefloatedtous.
Victor turned and I was perched on a desktop. I forced my eyes open. Dr. Green’s face swam into

view.

Ipeeledmylipsapart.“I’mfine,”Iwhispered.Iswallowedtorecovermoreofmyvoice.“Ionlygot

hitonce.”

“Sweetie,youlooklikeshit,”Gabrielquippedsomewhereoutofmyview.
“Hebackhandedher,”Victorsaid.“Hehitherinthefaceandshehitthewall.”
Dr.Greenopenedadrawer,findingaflashlight.Heclickeditonandhoveredthelightovermyface.

Hiseasedhisfingersovermyeyelidsandforcedthemapart.“IsupposeyoumeansomeonenotGabriel.”
He swung the light into my eye. I flinched at the onslaught of brightness, but he held me in a way that
forcedmetokeepstill.

Gabrielsnorted.“No,butI’maboutto.Whatthefuckdidyouthinkyouweredoing,Sang?Itoldyouto

getout.”

SpotsoflighthoveredinmyeyeballsafterDr.Greencheckedmyeyes.Hepokedwithagentlefinger

tomylipbutIspokearoundhisprodding.“Theywerehittingyou.”

Gabriellaughed.
Dr.GreenbackedoffandIwasabletoturnmyhead.
GabrielwasinMr.Blackbourne’schair,hishandshangingoverthearmrests.“Youshouldhaveseen

her,”hesaid,beamingandswingingfromsidetosideinthechair.“Ohgod,itwasbeautiful.Shestormed
downthathallwayandIswearifitwasn’tbecauseshewassosmall,she’dhavekickedtheirasses.IfI
wasn’tsopissedoff,I’dkissherrightnow.”

Dr.Green’slipstwistedintoasmile.“Shedoesn’thaveaconcussion,butyoushouldkeepaneyeon

her.”Hefixedhisgazeonme.“Anythinghurt?”

Ishookmyhead.Nothingoutsideofmylipandcheekandmyownpride.“I’mfine.”
Henoddedandpulledaway.VictorwasagainstthewallbehindGabriel,hisarmscrossed,hiseyes

blazingonme.Kotawasgone.Wherewashe?

“You’renotfuckingfine,”Gabrielbarkedatme.“You’reinawholelotoftrouble.Youknowwhatyou

are?You’refuckinggrounded.”

Victorpoppedhimintheheadwithanopenpalm.“Stopshoutingather.”
“No.Goddamnit,shedidn’tlistentome.Itoldhertoleaveandshedidn’tdoit.”
“Maybe,”Dr.Greensaidinacalmingtone,asoftsmileonhisface,“shedidn’tlistenbecauseshewas

afraidyouwerehurtandshe’snotthetypetobackdown.”Heflickedawinkatme.“Remindsmeofsome
guysIknow.”

Victor crossed the room, giving Dr. Green some space to examine Gabriel. Gabriel whined as Dr.

Greenpokedathisface.VictorsearcheddrawersinDr.Green’sdeskandcamebackwithafirstaidkit.
Hefoundsomegauzeandappliedittomylip.Iflinched,pullingbackasitstung.

Victor smirked, touching my chin gently and approaching my split lip at a different angle and with a

delicatestroke.“Didn’tthinkI’dbereturningthefavorsosoon.”

“Wasn’treallyplanned,”Ibreathedout.
Victorchuckled.
Thedooropened.Kotareturnedwithacollectionofbookbagsandtheviolincase.Behindhim,Mr.

Blackbourneappearedwithtwocoldcompresses.Hissteelgazesoughtmeoutfirst,examiningmyface.
Hefrowned,passingthecompresstoVictor.Victorcollecteditfromhimandpushedittomycheekand
lip.WithVictorhoveringoverme,hiseyesagentlesmoldernow,myshiveringreturned.

Victorsquintedatme.“Cold?What’swrong?”
Ishookmyhead.“Nerves,”Isaid.
He smirked. “You know you’re supposed to be nervous before you jump into a fight. Or at the very

leastduring.I’veneverheardofanyonewaitingtobenervousuntilafter.”

“Normalcy was never my strong suit,” I confided. It was true. When we were forced into plays or

speeches in school, before and during the event I was fine. Afterward, I was a jumble of shaking and
twistedstomach.RightnowifIwasn’tforcingmyselftokeepup,Iwouldbecrumbledonthefloor.Itwas
temptingbutIdidn’twanttoscarethem.

Mr.BlackbourneturnedtoGabriel.“Starttalking,”hecommanded.
Gabriel hovered the compress over his eye. “Typical homophobic goons. They took one look at me,

madeanassumption.Theywaiteduntilthecoachandmostoftheotherswereoutofthelockerroom.They
swarmedmewhenIwasinthehallway.IwaswaitingforthemtogetboredwhenMissTroubleherself
showedup,”hejerkedhischininmydirection.“Sheopenedherbigmouthandgotthemtodropmeand
takeheroninstead.”

Mr.Blackbournetwistedhisheadandhiseyeswideningwithsurprise.Ishrunkintomyself,quivering.

HisfacewascommandingIspeakbutIcouldn’tfindthewords.

Victorrubbedapalmatmyback.“Oneofthemgrabbedherandkeptheroutofit,”hesaid.“There

wereatleasttenontopofGabriel.Wewerehelpinghimwhentheguywhohadherletgo.Whenhecame
afterme,sheflungherselfathimandhehither.”

“We took care of it,” Kota said. “They’re going to be reluctant to do it again if they think we’ll be

coming.”

“They know her,” Gabriel said. They all turned on him. “They knew her name. Now they know her

face.Rumorsaregoingaroundabouther.”

“Whatkind?”Kotademanded.
“Idon’tknow,”Gabrielsaid.“Theycalledherkinkyshitorsomethinglikethat.Nospecifics.”
Kotapressedapalmtohisforehead,blowingoutapuffofair.
“Weneedtofindout,”Victorsaidquietly.Heshiftedthecompress,movingmyhanduptoholditfor

him. When I had it and pressed it to my own face, he turned to look at them. “A couple days in, and
they’ve already started. If we let this go, they’ll never stop. We need to divert, redirect attention from
her.”

“That coach deliberately disobeyed new security requirements,” Mr. Blackbourne said. “I’ll have to

talkwithhimaboutleavingtheareabeforestudentshaveclearedoff.”HeturnedtoKota,hishandsonhis
hips.“Iwantareporttonight.TakeVictorandGabrielthroughrecords.Pickouttheonesresponsible.I
wantthemwiredbeforetomorrow.”

Wired?Myheadwasstartingtothrob.Atthespeedtheyweretalking,Ihadnotimetointervenewith

questions.Whyaretheytakingoversecurityforthehighschool?Ishiftedthecompressagainstmyface,
applyingittomytemple.Myheadhurttoomuchtothink.

Thisavertedattentionbacktome.Victorsweptafingeracrossmycheek.Mr.Blackbournecaughtthis,

thecornerofhismouthdipping.Victorwasfocusedonmyfaceanddidn’tnotice.DidMr.Blackbourne
notlikemenow?WashemadthatIseemedtomakethingsworse?

“Weneedtogetherhome,”Kotasaid.
Mr. Blackbourne’s frown softened. “Take her,” he said in a quiet voice. “Reports on my desk and

wiressetupbystartofschooltomorrow.”Heturned,openingtheofficedoor,steppingthrough.Thedoor
crashedbehindhim.

Icringed.
Dr.Greenmovedaroundthedeskstomeagain.Victorsteppedasideforhim.Dr.Greencheckedmy

eyesagain.“Headhurt?”heasked.

Inodded.
He smiled. “Shock is wearing off. That’s good.” He stood back and opened a drawer, fishing out a

bottleofTylenolandabottleofwater.“Someonedeservesanightoffandahotbathathome.Youshould
takeiteasytonight.You’reforgiventonight’shomeworkfrommyclassanddotheminimalrequiredtodo
beforetomorrowforeveryoneelse.Ifyouneedanexcuse,comeseemetomorrowmorning.”Hehanded
twopillstomeandopenedthewater.Iswallowedthepills,sippingthewatertoclearmythroat.

“We’lltakeherhome,”Kotasaid.
Dr. Green nodded, standing back. Kota started collecting bags again. Victor fished out his keys and

pickeduptheviolincase.

Gabriel crossed the room, stopping in front of me. His face was wiped clean and he looked almost

normalagainexceptforsomeminorswellingathisnoseandatthecrestofhischeek.Hehookedanarm
undermythighsandaroundmybacktopickmeup.

“Icanwalk,”Isaid.
“LikeIgiveashit,”hesaid,hisdeepvoicesoftening.
He lifted me. My arms threaded around his neck. His fingers gripped me tight to his body. My head

sunkintohisshoulder.Ibreathedinmuskandlavender.

Dr. Green held open the door for us. “I’ll go find Mr. Blackbourne before we’re one coach short

tomorrow.”HefollowedusoutintothemainhallwayandtookoffinadirectionIcouldn’tsee.

Gabriel,KotaandVictormarchedtogethertowardtheparkinglot.Gabrielcarriedmelikeabadgeof

honor,hisarmstightaroundme.Hepressedhischeekagainstthetopofmyhead.

AttheBMW,Victorheldthebackdooropen.Gabrielangledhimselfintothecar,keepingmeinhis

lap.Thebagsandtheviolinweredroppedintotheseatnexttous.Kotaslidintothepassengersideand
Victorstartedthecar.

IwonderedifmysisternoticedIwasmissing.Wouldtheysayanythingaboutmyface?HowwouldI

hideit?Itrembled.

“Okay,youneedtostopshaking,”Gabrielsaidagainstmyforehead.Heslippedfingersintothestraps

ofmysandals,slidingthemoffofmyfeet.Hedroppedthemontothefloor.Hetuckedhisarmovermy
thigh,pullingmetosnuggleagainsthim.“It’stoohardtobemadatyouwhenyou’reshaking.”

“You’remadatme,too?”Iasked.Nowthatwewereawayfromschoolandhewasholdingontome,I

feltcalmer.IwonderedwhyIwasn’tblushingfrombeinginhislapbutinthemoment,Ididn’treallycare.
It felt too good to have him touching me, enveloping me like a blanket. I felt I should be embarrassed.
KotaandVictordidn’tseemtoblinkaneyeatthissoIcouldonlyassumeitwasokaytodo.

“Itoldyou.You’regrounded.”Hisjawandhisnosenuzzledagainstthesideofmyheadbymyear.His

lipscurledup.

“Forhowlong?”
“UntilI’mdonebeingmadatyou.Idon’tknow.Abillionyears.Fuckingshit,Sang.”Hesqueezedme

tohim,knockingmybreathfrommylungs.“Don’tyoueverjumpinlikethatagain.Idon’tcareifmyhead
isonfire.Youeverseeshitlikethat,yourun.”

“Youdidn’trun,”Isaid.
Hereleasedmeandachopfellonmyshoulder.“Fuckyou.Iwassavingyourprettyass.”
“Stopyellingather,”Victorsaid,“orI’mkickingyoufromthiscar.”
“See?Victor’smadatyou,too.Ifyoudoitagain,he’llkickyourass.AndthenKotawill,butthenI’ll

doitagainbecauseKotawillprobablybeallsoftandshit.”

“Nope,”Kotaannounced,turninginhisseattolookbackatus.Hesmiledatme,winking.“I’dhaveto

beather,too.”

Ichuffed,feelingthesmirkonmyfaceeventhoughithurttodoitwithmylipbruised.
“See?”Gabrielsaid.“Anddon’tevengetmestartedonSilasandNorthandLuke.”
“AndMr.Blackbourne,”Isaid.“He’smadatme,too.”
“Girl,he’sabouttogomurdersometeenagers.I’mprobablyatthetopofthelistforlettingthosegoons

anywherenearyou.”Heshifted.Hepulledbacktolookdownatmyfacebutheglanceddownatmyshirt,
fingeringthemissingbuttons.“Aw,theyrippedyourshirt.Victor,wehavetogetheranewshirt.”

Irolledmyeyes,twistingmymouthawkwardlytogrinandtryingtodoitwithouthurting.
“What’stheplan?”Victorasked.
“We’retakingSanghome,”Kotasaid.“Weneedtocoverherface.”
“Havetodoeverythingaroundhere,”Gabrielsaid.Hepulledhisbookbagoutofthebundlenearus

and started pilfering through pockets. “I might have something that’s your color. You’re lucky I brought
thistoday.”

“Sang,”Kotasaid,hisgreeneyesfocusingonme,“whenyougethome,keepmeintouch.Letmeknow

ifyourfamilysaysanything.Iftheyask,tellthemitwasacrazydodgeballingymclass.”

Inodded.“Whatareyouguysgoingtodo?”
“We’vegotwork,”Kotasaid.
“Wiringthoseguys?Whatdoesthatmean?”

Gabrieljuggledcompactsinhishands,lookingatthebacklabels.“Stopaskingquestions.”
“Itmeansyou’regoingtolisteninontheirconversations.Youcan’tdothat,”Iresponded.
Gabrielpoppedapalmagainstmythigh.“Isaidshush.”
“Yousaidstopaskingquestions,”Iretorted.“Ididn’task.Ianswered.”
“Shealreadyknows,”Victorsaid.HeturneddownSunnyvaleCourt.“Itinvolveshernow.”
Kotagrunted.“Let’sjuststoptalking.Weneedtofocus.Wecanhavethisdiscussionlater.”
“Ijusthaveonemorequestion,”Isaid.
Kotaswunghiseyesatme,hisheadtilting.“What?”
“So…Dr.Greenisanactualdoctordoctor?”Ismirkedbecausemyquestionwasludicrous.Ithadn’t

occurredtomeuntilhewaslookingatmyeyesearlierthathisdoctoratemightmeanhewasamedical
doctor and not a doctorate in physics or something like that. I just wanted validation and to change the
subject.

Gabrielsnorted.Kotabeamed,laughing.Victorchuckled.
“Fuck,” Gabriel hooted, his eyes glossing with tears. He dropped his arms around my shoulder,

huggingme.“Yes,okay.That’sit.We’rekeepingherforever.”

S

WINGING

H

AMMERS

W

hen Gabriel finished applying makeup to my face, Kota dismissed me to my house. Gabriel and

VictorwantedtowalkmehomebutKotainsistedIgoitalone.

WhenIgotin,thehousewassilent.Mariewasgone.IsuspectedsheranofftoDanielle’shouse.My

motherwasasleep.Thatwasgoodnewsforme.Iwentunnoticed.

IsentaquicktexttoKotatolethimknowIwasintheclearforthemomentathome.

Kota:“Good.Nowdoyourhomeworkandrelax.I’llcallyoulater.”

I checked my face in the bathroom mirror. There was a dark spot on my lip if I pouted enough, but

otherwiseitwasmostlyjustalittleswollen.Mycheekfeltpuffy.Anyrednessorbruisingwasmaskedby
athinveilofconcealingfoundationthankstoGabriel.

Ispentsometimecurledupinmybed.Ikepttryingtoreviewwhathappened,analyzingmyactions.

How did I lose so much control like that? I reimagined the warmth from Victor’s arms around me. I
missedthewayGabrielheldmeinthecar.IwonderedwhyKotawassoquietwithme.He’dkepthis
distancethewholetimeandIwonderedifhewasangry,too.Iworriedhowtheotherswouldreactwhen
theylearnedwhathappened.Whatwouldhappentomorrow?Wouldthosebulliesseemeinthehallway
andtryagain?

And why were Academy students now in charge of security at the school? Suddenly Nathan’s and

Victor’s disappearance on the first day of school seem obvious. There must have been another fight.
Nathangotthebruntofit.DidVictorswoopinandhelp?

The speculation was annoying because I didn’t have a method of figuring out what the truth was. I

didn’tthinktheywouldbehonestwithme.

IwasfinishinguphomeworkwhenIheardthephonebuzzinginitshiddenspotintheattic.

Luke:“Areyoubusy?”
Sang:“Notbusy.Whereareyou?”
Luke:“Atthediner.Canyoucome?Andbringsomewater?”

I put on a pair of shorts and brushed my hair. I checked in on my mom. Every once in a while, my

mothergothithardbythemedicationshetookbecauseshewassick.Thereweretimeswhenshewould
sleepforlonghours,dayandnight.Shewaspassedoutnow.Iwonderedifthiswasoneofthosecasesor
ifitwasjustanap.Totestit,Imadealittlenoiseoutsideofherroom,knockingthedoorintothewall.

Nothing.
Shewasout.IfIwaslucky,andIhatedtothinkthatbecauseshewasmymotheranditwasunhealthy,

butIhopedshewouldbeoutforawhile.Thepeaceofmindofknowingshewasasleepmadeitsaferto
ventureoutofthehouseforbothMarieandI.

Iwasn’tquitesurewhereMariekeptrunningoffto,butIwashopingthiswasagoodsign.Ifshewas

withDanielleoranyoneelse,thatmeantIhadmoreopportunitiestogetoutofthehouse,too.Wenever
hadsuchachancebefore.Wouldwefinallygettohereonthisstreet?Ifourmotherwaskeptinthedark
aboutwherewewere,ifMarieandIwerecareful,maybebeingonourknees,orworse,wouldn’thappen
asoften.

TheoldchurchattheendofSunnyvaleCourthadthecrossremovednowontheoutside,thoughthere

wasstillasmudgeoutlineoverthetopofthedoor.Otherwise,itlookedlikeabigstoragebuilding.

TherewasablacktruckparkedinfrontofthedoorsthatIdidn’trecognize.WhenIgotclosertothe

church,Iheardshoutinginside.Ipaused,unsureifIshouldenteriftheywerefighting.I’dhadenoughof
thattoday.

IopenedthefrontdoorandfollowedthesoundofvoicesandcrashinguntilIfoundthekitchen.Silas

andNorthwereshirtless,causingmetodoadoubletake.Theirmuscularchestswerecakedinpatches
withdust.Eachheldasledgehammer.

Silaswasstandingback,wipinghisbrow.Hisbroadshouldersandsmoothchesthadthatexoticolive

complexion.Hismusclesflexedashecaughthisbreath.

WhileNorthwasn’tquiteastallorasbroadasSilas,North’staperedshouldersandlongtorsowere

justasexquisite.

Icaughtmyselfstaringattheirdefinedabsandthesweatthatcoursedovertheirskin.Northhaddark

hairtrailingupfromhisjeans,uptohisbellybutton.Silashadsomethingsimilarbutitwasn’tquiteas
thickasNorth’s.

The kitchen was a disaster. The fridge and stove had been pulled out. Half the cabinets were

demolished.Itlookedliketheywereworkingontheotherhalf.Therewasacollectionofbrokenwood
andyellowFormicapiledupbythedoor.

Silas spotted me first. He bent over until his hands were on his knees. He gasped and swallowed.

“Pleasetellmeyoubroughtwater.”

IdroppedmybookbagandpulledoutofitseverallargebottlesIhadgottenfromhome.
Theybothgruntedinwhatsoundedlikeapositiveway,andfullydroppedtheirhammersontothetile.

Theycollectedthebottlesfrommyhand.

“Thankgod,”Northsaid.“WetellKotawecanhandleit,andweforgottobringeverything.”
“Whatelseareyoumissing?”Iasked,steppingaroundabrokenpieceofcabinettoputmybagdown

andoutoftheway.

“Luke, for one,” North said. “He was supposed to be pulling the carpet in the chapel and check in

everyonceinawhiletohelpushauloutthisshit.Ihaven’theardfromhiminacoupleofhours.”

“I’llgocheckonhim,”Isaid.“Ibroughtcrackers,too,ifyouguysarehungry.They’reinthebag.Just

diginit.”IpickeduponeofthewaterbottlestotaketoLuke.

“Thankyou,aggelemou,”Silassaid.Heleanedbackagainstoneofthefewcabinetsleft.Heopened

his bottle of water, drinking heavily. Lines of water slipped past his mouth at the corners. The drips
weavedacrossthemusclesinhisneckandalonghischest.Iforcedmyselftoturnandwalktowardthe
door,notwantingtogetcaughtstaring.

NorthflickeredahalfsmileatmewhenIwalkedpasthim.Heplantedahandontopofmyhead,his

fingersmassagingmyscalp.“Keepmybrotherinline,willyou?”

Nothingwassaidaboutthefight.Didtheynotknoworweretheytryingtomaskthattheydidknow?I

pursedmylips.Iwasn’tsurehowtoapproachitnowthatIhadn’tsaidanything.MaybeKotadidn’twant
totellthem.

In the chapel, I found Luke on his back on the stage at the far side of the room. The floor had been

clearedofdebris,halfthecarpetwasrolledupagainstthewall.

“Luke?”Icalledout.Ihadtoclimboverarollofcarpetthatwasblockingthedoor.“Didyouneeda

hand?”

Hesatup,smiling.Locksofhisblondhairfellintohisface,butmostofitwasheldbackwithmyclip.

“I think we need twenty. Two will do, though.” His shirt was off, too. His leaner body glistened with
sweat.Heapproachedme,holdinghishandout.

IwascaughtupinwatchinghisstomachandchestthatatfirstIdidn’tunderstandwhathewaswanting.

Irememberedthewaterbottleandhandedittohim.“You’redoingagoodjob.”

He took the water, opening the top and slurping down a couple of gulps. He poured some water out

ontohishandandslappedittohisforeheadandneck.“IthinkI’dratherbewhackingdowncabinets.”

“Theywantedhelphauling.”
“That’stheboringpart,”hesaid.
“Let’s go help them and maybe they’ll let us swing the hammers,” I said. The idea was actually

soundingfun.ItwasbetterthanbeingstuckathomeorworryingaboutKotaortheothers.

Hesmiled.“You’redressedkindofnicetobedoingthis.”
Ilookeddownatmyshortsandblouse.Iwasstillwearingthetornblousewiththemissingbuttons.He

was worried about my clothes? His looked more expensive. “I’m just going to end up washing these,
anyway.”

Herubbedthebackofhishandacrosshisbrowandcrossedtheroom.Hepickeduphisblue,button-

upshirtandtossedittome.“Putthisonsoyou’renotgettingyourstuffdirty.”

Iblushed,holdingtheshirtupandlookingattheCalvinKleinlogo.Wasn’tthatanexpensivebrand?

“Overmyownshirt?”

“Takethatblouseoff.”
Myeyeswidenedathim.“Luke...”
“Notrighthere,dummy.”Hesmirkedandlandedagentlechoponmyhead.“Notunlessyouwant.”
Iblushed.Hewassuchatease!Whydidtheyallenjoypickingonmesomuch?
Helaughed,hookinghisarmaroundmyneckandpullingmearoundsowewereheadingbackoutof

thechapel.“Sang,yourfaceispriceless.”

IfoundtherestroomsoIcouldputLuke’sshirton.Thehemoftheblueshirtwaslongenoughthatit

coveredmyshorts.ItmadeitlooklikeIwasn’twearinganyatall.Irolledthesleevecuffsupmyarms.I
foldedmyshirtandwenttofindtheothersinthekitchen.

LukehadtakenupSilas’ssledgehammer.Silasstoodbythedoor,hisarmsfoldedoverhisbroadchest.

I walked up behind him, my hand reflexively touching his back so he knew I was there. As my fingers
pressedtohissmoothback,hejumpedatmytouchandspunonme.

“Shit,”hesaid.“You’retooquiet.”Heputapalmtohischestoverhisheart.“Youcan’tsneakupon

melikethat.”

Northlaughed.“You’rescaredofalittlegirl,Silas?”
InarrowedmyeyesatNorthforcallingmealittlegirlasifIwereachild.Iknewhedidn’tmeanit

likethatbutitstillstungalittlethathewouldsuggestit.

Silas only smirked at him. He reached out for me, putting an arm around my shoulders. His fingers

closedovermycollarbone.“Comeon,Sang.We’regoingtowatchLukekillhimself.”

HepulledmeforwarduntilIwasstandingnexttohim.Hisbodywarmedmeandhecontinuedtohang

hisarm on me.My heart pounded.Was I back tobeing uncomfortable aroundtouching again? Maybe it

wasbecausehehadhisshirtoffandmymindkeptthinkingofhisabdomenandchest.IfIturnedmyface,I
couldgetanupcloseandpersonalview.

“Ha,”Luke said, hislaugh definitive. Hetwisted his hands overthe handle ofthe hammer. His eyes

soughtoutmineandhewinkedatme.

“Don’t get distracted,” North warned. He was standing a couple of feet away from Luke, just out of

reach of the swing of the hammer. His lips tightened and his eyes became stern, as if unhappy they had
beeninterrupted.

Lukeliftedthehammerslightlyoffofthefloor,pulledback.Hetwistedhisbody,usingthemomentum

to smack the hammer against the cabinet in front of him. The door broke off one of the hinges. A large
crack splintered the center of the door with a large dent in the middle but the cabinet itself mostly
remainedintact.

Theguyslaughed.Icouldn’thelpbutsmile.Lukepursedhislips.Inahuff,heliftedthehammeragain,

swungitoverhisheadandletitfallhardontopofthecabinet.Theslamwasdeafening.Itcrackedthetop
inhalfbutthecabinetstillheld.

“You’reterrible,”Northsaid.“Sangcoulddobetterthanthat.”
Lukeblewoutaheavybreath.“Lether.”
Silaslookeddownatme.“Wanttogiveitatry?”
Ibrightened,nodding.“Yes!”Ihadtoadmit,itlookedlikealotoffun.
Theyalllaughed.Iwonderedwhyitwasfunny.
Silasletgoofmyshoulderandnudgedmeforward.“I’dpaytoseethis.”
“Come here,” North said, curling his fingers at me. He had me stand beside him, holding his own

hammerouttome.“Doyouknowhowtousethis?”

I locked eyes with him, hovering a finger to my lower lip but not touching, almost forgetting it was

swollen.Ishookmyhead.I’dswungaregularhammerbeforebutIneverevenattemptedtoliftasledge.

“You’rerighthanded?”heasked.
“Yes.”
He pointed to where I should stand. “Hold the bottom with your left hand.” He held the end of the

sledgehammerinanexample.“Thennearthehead,holditinyourright.”

Myfingerstingled.Iwasnervousthattheotherswerewatchingme.
Northslippedbehindme.Hischinhoveredovermyhead,hisbodypressingintomyback.Hewrapped

hisfingersaroundmineasheshowedmehowtoholdthehammer.

“Whenyou’reready,”hesaid,movinghisbodyinamotionliketheswingingmovehewantedmeto

do.Ashewasdoingit,allIcouldfeelandthinkwashowhisbodyflexedagainstme.Theheatmademy
insides flutter. “All you have to do is lift it. Get it up over the top. Let gravity do the rest.” His nose
pressedtomyhairandhisbreathtickledthebackofmyhead.“Anddon’tyoudarehurtyourself.”

Hebackedoff.Icouldn’tseetheguysbehindmebutIfelttheweightoftheireyes.Isuckedinabreath,

liftedwithmylegsandpulledthehammeraround.Istrainedatfirst,tryingtojustpickthehammerhead
upoffoftheground.Ifelttheweightofit.Itslippedinmypalmsandfellbackagainsttheground.Itwas
heavierthanIexpected.

The others giggled behind me. I heard someone, North perhaps, moving forward as if he wanted to

help.

Nowornever.
I adjusted my hands on the hammer in a grip I knew would work. I heaved the hammer up. It sailed

overmyhead.Momentumfinishedtheswing.

Thehammerslammedagainstthetopofthecabinet,crushingthroughthesurface.Mybonesrattledas

thehammercrunchedthroughtheFormica.Theheadofthehammerdroppeddownintothebottomsection
ofwood,disappearingamongthedebris.

Clappingandhootingstartledme.IfeltmoreembarrassednowthanbeforeIstartedwhenIthoughtI

couldn’tdoit.IhadmyhandstillonthehammerandtriedtotugitoutofthemessofwoodbutIcouldn’t
getittobudge.

“Here,Sangbaby,”Northsaid.Hereachedoutandtookthehammerhandlefromme.Hegentlynudged

meoutoftheway.Hepulledonce,notinghowthehammerwashookedintothecabinet.Heyankedhard
againtryingtogetitloose.Hehuffedwhenitwasn’tmoving.

“I broke it,” I said. My mind replayed the way he said my name. The tingling sensation returned. It

madeupforthefactthathecalledmealittlegirlbefore.

“Of course you would be the first girl on the planet to break a sledgehammer.” North jerked on the

handleandthehammerpoppedfree.Hedroppeditnearhisfeet.“Butnottoday.”

“Shetookoutthecabinet,”Silassaid.“OneSang,zipLuke.”
“Hey,”Lukesaid,makingaface.“Istarteditforher.”
“Youtwohaulthisstuffout,”Northsaid,handsonhishipsandnoddingtothepileofsplinteredwood

theyhadcollectedbythedoor.“There’sawheelbarrowinthebackofthetruck.Seeifyoucangetitin
here.TakeitouttotheDumpster.Andgetherapairofgloves.”

“Iwanttodoitagain,”Lukesaid.
“We’vewastedenoughtimetoday,”Northsaid.“Iwanttogetallthisclearedoutandyou’vestillgot

homework.”

Luke rolled his eyes. North responded with a grunt, picking up his sledgehammer and swinging it

againstthecabinetIhadbroken.Withafewswingshehaditclearedfromthewallandwasstartingto
movedowntheline.

Silas’sfacebecamegraniteashehauleduphissledgehammer,andapproachedthecabinets.LukeandI

stoodbyandwatchedthetwoofthemworking.Theymovedinafluidmotion.Onoccasiontheyglanced
atoneanotherasiftheywerewatchingouttomakesuretheotherwasokay.Iwasinaweofhowtheir
musclesmovedastheywereworkingandthewaytheyseemedcomfortablewiththeirsilentsystem.

Lukenudgedmyarm.Ilookedathimandhemotionedtoalargesectionofwoodthatwecouldhaul

out.Ihelpedhimwedgeitthroughthedoorandwecarriedittogetheroutofthebuilding.Norestforthe
wicked.

G

ROUNDED

I

t was dark when we pulled the last of the carpet into the rental Dumpster. I was sweating through

Luke’sshirt.Mymusclesached.IleanedagainstthesideofNorth’struck,tryingtocatchmybreath.

Itwashardformetoimaginethechurchasadinerbeforebutafterthecabinetswereclearedoutofthe

kitchenandwefinishedrollingupthecarpetinthechapel,itwaslookinglesslikeachurchbutevenless
likeadiner.

Luke’schestwasheaving.Hebentoverwithhishandsonhiskneesafterhaulingthecarpetout.“Glad

that’sover.”

Silas strolled toward us. He had my bag in his hands. He held it out to me. “You’re not a bad little

workerbee,”hesaid,hiseyesdancing.Hepokedafingeratmynose.“You’rehired.”

Istoodupstraightandsmiledathim,feelingasecondwind.Itookmybagfromhim,lettingitdropat

myfeet.“Willyouguysbebacktomorrow?”

“Itdependsonwhathappenstomorrow,”Northsaid,comingupnexttoSilas.“We’llsee.”
Itfeltlikethiswassomethingtheydealtwithonaregularbasis.Weretheyevernotabletomaketoo

many plans ahead of time because of their obligations to the Academy? Or was it they liked to change
thingsoftenenoughandmovedwithhowtheywerefeeling?Thingsseemedtohappenatsuchafastpace
withthem.

North’sfaceflickeredandhereachedintohisbackpocket,pullingouthiscellphoneandansweringit.

“Yeah?What?No,she’shere.”

Uhoh.
North’s eyes widened and sought out mine. “What the fuck do you mean she’s grounded? What

happened?”

I pursed my lips, avoiding Silas’s and Luke’s eyes on me by staring at North’s feet instead. My

shouldershunchedasIcoweredwhereIstood.

“No,she’s…yeah.She’sgoinghomenow.”Northhungup,holdinghisphoneoutandpointingitatme

ashecameafterme.“You’reinbigtrouble,missy.”

“Whathappened?”Silasasked,edginginfrontofmeasiftoshieldmefromNorth.
“Havehertellit,becauseIwanttohearthis,too.”Hiseyesfiredbulletsatme.“Starttalking.”
Ishivered.Iswallowed.“GabrielgotintoafightandItriedtohelp.”
Silassmirked.Lukelookedconfused.
Northshookhishead.“Startatthetop.”
I started describing how I was in the hallway when I heard shouts, until I was in the office getting

checkedoutbyDr.Green.“GabrielsaidIwasgroundedbutIdidn’tknowhewasserious,”Ifinished.

Lukerubbedthebackofhisheadasifindisbelief.Silas’smouthwasopen.
North lunged for my arm. He half dragged me back to the church. I stumbled along the gravel drive

untilhestoppedunderthelightnearthedoors.

“Easyonher,”Silasbarkedathim.

Northignoredhim.Hepositionedmeunderthehaloglowandexaminedmyface.Helickedhisfingers

andstartedsmudgingmylowerlipandatmybruisedcheek.

“Ouch,”Isaid,backingmyheadaway.
“Staystill.”Hecleanedthemakeupoffmyface,observingthedamage.Hepulledmylipbackwithhis

thumb,checkingthecut.“IthoughtsomethingwaswrongwithyourfacebutIassumeditwasjustthebad
lightinginthekitchen.GoddamnitSangbaby,whydidn’tyousayanything?”

My lips twisted and I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling cornered and uncomfortable. “I don’t

know.Ithoughtyouguysalreadyknewandweren’tsayinganythingaboutit.”

Hepointedafingeratmynose.“Whatthehellmadeyouthinkyoucouldjumpintoafight?”
“Gabrielwasintrouble.”
“Gabrielcanhandlehimself.You,ontheotherhand,areindeepshit.”
Ibackedawayahalfstep,unsureofhowtorespond.Mymouthseized.Wouldn’thehavejumpedin

andhelped,too?

Silasapproached.Hetracedabroadfingeracrossmychin,tiltingitsohecouldexaminethebruising.

“Whodidit?”heasked,hisdeepvoicebubblingwithsubduedanger.

“Idon’tknowwho,”Isaid.“Kota’sgotto,um…,wirethepeoplewhodidit.”
Northchuffed.“Uhhuh.Kota,VictorandGabrielareoutthereworkingovertimebecauseofyou.You

weresupposedtostayhomeandoutoftrouble.”

“ButifI’mwithyou,I’moutoftrouble,aren’tI?”
North’smouthfellopenbutnothingcameout.Hegrunted,threadedafingerthroughthedarkhaironhis

head,andturnedawaytostareatthewallofthechurch.

Silassighed.Hebentover,wrappinghisarmsaroundmyshouldersandhuggingme.“Goodone.”
Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhisnecktoreturnthehug.Hedroppedanarmdowntoscoopmeupatmy

butt,pickingmeupoffoftheground.Hepressedmetohischest,huggingmeclosersohecouldstandup
straight.ItwaswaytoohotbutIdidn’tcare.Hishugwasamazing.

“Okay,” he said, turning sideways to North as he hung on to me. This let me peek over his arm at

North.“Sangdidn’tknow.Wecan’tblameherforstickingupforoneofusifshedidn’tknow.We’ddoit
forher.”

“Shewasdoingwhatwewoulddo,”Lukeagreed,comingupfrombehindSilas.“Whatwasshegoing

todo?Runoff?Arewegoingtogroundherforthat?”

“She’sgroundedforbeingreckless,”Northsaid,turningaroundagain.HespottedmeinSilas’sarms

andhisshouldersdropped.“ButIguessifshe’sherewithus,it’sbetterforheranyway.”

“Right,”Lukesaid.“Butshecan’tstayoutallnight.Ishouldtakeherback.”Hemotionedtome.“Let’s

getgoing.You’realreadyintrouble.Kotawillprobablyskinusifweletyougetcaughtagain.”

SilasloweredmetothegrounduntilIwasstandingagain.Northspunmearoundandwrappedarms

around my shoulders. His face pressed to my hair as he held on. “Next time, you better fucking say
something.Andnomorefights.”

Isighed,feelingbetterthathewasdoneyelling.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhisnecktohugback.“I’m

sorry,North.”

Hestiffenedagainstmeasifsurprisedbythisbutheembracedmetighterandletgo.“Getoutofhere

beforeIgroundyou,too.”

Lukehadmybookbagandhandedittome.Ihauledittomyshoulders.IwavedtoSilasandNorth.

Silaswaved.Northonlynodded,thathalfsmileplayingonthecornerofhismouth.Heshookhisheadat
usandturned,headingbacktothechurch.

Lukecaughtmyhandandwewalkedtogetherthroughthedarknesstowardthewoods.Wefollowedthe

shortcutthatledtomybackyard.Iwasexpectinghimtoletgoofmyhandatsomepointbutheneverdid.
Hisfingersintertwinedwithmine.Iwasgratefulhewasrighttherenexttome.Aftertheargument,Iwas
worriedashe’dbeensoquietthatmaybehewasmadatme,too.

“Wegotalotdonetoday,”hesaid.Icouldn’tmakeoutthefeaturesinhisfaceinthedarkanditfelt

strangetobeabletohearhisvoicebutnotseehim.“Wemakeagoodteam.”

Ismiledtomyselfthathechangedthesubject.Ididn’twanttotalkaboutthefightanymore.“I’mjust

happyIcouldkeepup,”Isaid,blowingoutabreath.“Youguysworkhard.”

“Wedowhatwehaveto,”hesaid.
Wemadeittomybackyard.IexpectedhimtoleavemethereandwalkbackbutheheldontomeasI

movedforwardintheyard.

“Idon’tthinkIshouldbringyoutothedoor,”Isaid,thoughIwassorrytohavetosayso.
“Youweregoingtousethedoor?”heasked.“MaybeIshouldhelpyouup.”Hetiltedhisheadtoward

thesecondfloor.“Youcansneakinandpretendyou’vebeentherethewholetime,right?”

Iblushed.“Well,yes,but...”
HepulledatmyhandandIstumbledafterhim.Weslippedthroughtheyardandtowardthebackporch.

Thebackporchwasscreenedin,andtheroofwaslowertothegroundthananywhereelse.Hetiltedhis
head,lookingupattheledge.“I’llboostyouup.”

“Idon’tknow.”
“Come on,” he said. He moved forward, letting go of my hand so he could bend and put his hands

togethertomakeaspotformyfoot.“Youwon’tfall.I’mrighthere.”

Even with my heart thumping and my legs shaking, he managed to push me up over his head until I

couldslidehalfofmybodyupanddragmyselfuntilIwascompletelyontopoftheroof.Iturnedaround
tolookdownathim,intendingtowaveandtellhimIcouldmakeitfromhere.

Lukehadsteppedback.Hedashedforward,graspedtheedgeoftheroofandnearlybouncedoffthe

frame of the screens on the porch. Luke landed on his knees next to me. I caught the outline of his lips
turningintoasmileashelookedatme.“Don’ttellanyoneIknowhowtodothat.”

“What?”Iasked.“Fly?Ididn’tevenseeyouclimbup.”
Helaughed.“IwishIcouldfly.Wouldmakegettingtoschoolabreeze.”Hestoodupontheroofand

reacheddowntograbmyarmandhaulingmeupnexttohim.“Let’sgetyouinside.”

Ifollowedclosetohimaswecrossedovertheroof,climbingtowhereNorthandIhadspreadouta

coupleofnightsago.Fromthere,IpointedtowhereIrememberedNorthtakingme.Lukeledthewayup
overtheapexanddowntheothersidetomywindow.

Ipeekedin.Mylightwasonbutnoonewasinside.Thedoorlookedlockedtome.
“Ithinkwe’regood,”Isaidtohim.“Idon’tthinkanyonecametocheckonme.”
Hemovedaroundontheroof,lookinginsidemyroom.Hepressedhispalmsagainstthewindowand

pushedituntilitstartedtoslideopen.Hegruntedwhenitgotstuckhalfway.“Ineedtofixyourwindow,”
hesaid.“Remindme.”

“Youdon’thavetodothat.”
“Weneedtoifthisbecomesahabit,”hesaid,pushingatthewindow.Itslowlyshudderedupallthe

way.“AndIthinkitwillbe.”

Icouldn’thelpbutsmileattheideaofhimalreadythinkingofnexttime.
HemovedoutofthewayandheldontomyhandasIangledmyselfintomyroom.Ihadexpectedhim

tosaygoodbyeatthewindowbutIturnedintimetoseehimputafootdownonthecarpetandslinkinto
myroom.

Mybreathcaughtinmythroat.Themomenthewasinside,Igrabbedhisarm,puttingafingertomylips

to motion to him to be quiet. I listened for noises. I heard my father downstairs talking in the kitchen.
Music flowed from a radio in Marie’s bedroom. I didn’t hear my mother but she could have still been
passedout.

Afteramoment,InoddedtoLuke.Noonewaspayingattentiontous.Icrossedtheroom,turningthe

musiconmystereoupanotch.Itwoulddrownoutournoisebutitwasn’tloudenoughthatIcouldn’tstill
hearfootstepsonthestairsorMariecomingfromacrossthehall.

Lukewasonhiskneesonthemauvecarpetlookingcuriouslyatthehalf-sizeddoor.“What’sthis?”he

whispered.

“Atticspace,”Isaid.
Hehookedhisfingersonthehandleandopenedit.Hiseyessquintedashegazedintothedarkness.He

stuckhisheadinside.

Imovedbehindhim,puttingmyhandonhisbackbeforehedisappearedtoofar.“Itgoesonforalittle

wayandthere’sthisplatformattheend,”Isaid.“WhenIcallyouguys,I’musuallybackthere.”

“It’shot,”hesaid.“Istherealight?”
“Iusethephone’slight.”
“We could hook up something for you,” he said. He backed himself out and shut the door. His head

twistedtowardthestereo.“Whatareyouplaying?”

Myeyebrowsshotup.Myheartthundered.Iwasn’tsurehowlongheshouldstay.Herewasashirtless

guy in my bedroom and snooping around. “Just a disc I burned from the computer, a mix of rock and
classicalandotherthings.”

Hestoodup,startingtoheadtowardthestereo.Iwantedtosaymaybeheshouldgobutatthesame

timeIdidn’twanttokickhimoutasIlikedhimbeingaround.Itwasnervewracking.

Oncehewasfurtherintomybedroom,heturnedaroundagain,consideringeverythingelse.Iblushed

ashiseyessettledonthemostly-empty,smallbookshelfandmybedpushedovertothesideoftheroom.
Theyweretheonlytworealpiecesoffurniture.

“Where’sallyourstuff?”heasked.Hiseyesflickedtothetrunknearmywindow.“What’sinthat?”
Ishrugged.“Justsomenotebooksandsomeoldthings,clothesthatdon’treallyfitanymore.”
“Don’tyouhaveposters?Ormagazines?Oryouknow...whatevergirlshaveintheirbedrooms?”
Mycheekswarmed.Iwasn’tsurehowtoanswerthequestion.Iwasn’texactlysurewhatheexpected

metohave.IreadbookswhenIcouldgetmyhandsonthem.Therewasn’tmuchelseIcouldthinkofto
putinmyroom.Whatelsewasthere?

He didn’t seem to notice I hadn’t responded. He headed to the closet, opening the door and peeking

inside. His eyes flicked through my hanging clothes. “No dresser. No desk. You’ve only got like what,
threepairsofshoes?Whatkindofgirlareyou?”

“I’vegotwhatIneed.”
Herolledhiseyesandclosedmyclosetdoor.Hecrossedtomybedroomdoor,unlockeditandpeeked

outintothehallway.

“Luke!”Igasped,goingupbehindhim.“Don’t...”
“Shhh,”hewhispered.Hetiltedhisheadtowardthedooracrossthehallway.“That’sMarie’sroom,

right?”

“Yes,”Iwhisperedback.Ireachedforhisarm,tuggingathim.“Don’tgetcaught.”
Hesteppedoutintothehallway.Ithoughtmyheartwasgoingtoexplode.Heedgedtothetopofthe

stairwell that lead toward the front of the house. He looked down, angling his head to see as far as he
could. He tiptoed across the hallway, checking the back stairwell. He opened the hall closet door. He
openedthenextdoor,theupstairsbathroom,lookinginsidequicklyandclosingagain.

Myfingerswereovermymouth.Icouldn’tbreathe.Whatintheworldwashedoing?Ifmymomcould

seethis,Icouldn’timaginewhatshewoulddotome.

Heturnedagainandcrossedthehalltomybedroom.Imeanttostepoutofthewaybuthisarmhooked

around my waist and he pulled me back into the room, closing the door behind himself. Once he was
inside,heletgoandcrossedtheroomtomybed.Hesatontopofit,leaningbackonhishands.

Isat down next to him, unsure ofwhat else to do. It was a reliefthat he was back inside, but I was

worriedsomeonehadheardhimandwouldcomeuptocheckoutwhatwasgoingon.Whatwasworse
wasmyheartwasbeatingsoloudinmyears,Icouldn’tbesureIwouldhearfootsteps.

OnceIwassittingnexttohimthough,Ifeltevenmoreawkward.Irubbedmyfingertipsattheedgeof

hisshirtthatIwaswearing.“I’llgivethisback,”Isaidtohim,mostlyasadistractionforsomethingto
say.

“Keepit,”hesaid.Herelaxedbackonthebed,lookingupattheceiling.“Itlooksgoodonyou.”
Wefellintosilence.Eachmovement,everycreakofthehouseandIwaspanickingthatitwassomeone

on the stairs or out in the hallway. “Luke?” I whispered. I wanted to say something to remind him that
Silasandhisbrotherwereprobablywaitingonhim,butIwasn’tsurehowtoputit.

Hesighedandhegotup,leaninghisshoulderagainstmine.“Okay,IwoulddieifIhadtositinhereall

daylong.Howareyoustillsane?”

Ismiled,shakingmyhead.“Yourdiagnosisisquestionable.”
Helaughedsoftly,reachingouttoastraylockofblondhairhangingathisheadandpushingitbehind

hisear.Hestoodup,hittheejectbuttononmystereoandpulledtheCDfromthetop.“I’mstealingthis.”

Iblinkedathimandstoodtoreachforthedisc.Itriedtorememberiftherewasanythingsupergirlyor

perhapsevenembarrassingforanyoneelsetolistento.WouldhethinkIwasanerdforlikingsomeofthe
classical pieces or would he tease me about some of the lesser known bands I had put on it? “You’re
takingmystuff.”

Heheldthediscoverhisheadandoutofmyreach.“IsaidIwas,”hesaid,grinning.“Youcan’tholdit

againstmeifItellyouaheadoftime.”

“Sang!”mymothershoutedfromdownstairs.
Igulped,blushing.Lukefroze.Iwavedhimtowardthewindow.Timeforhimtogo.
He started toward the window. He slipped the CD between his lips, swung his leg out and climbed

ontotheroof.

Istuckmyheadout.Hekneltdownuntilhisfacewasclosetomine.
“I’llseeyoutomorrow,”hewhisperedtome.
“Seeyou,”Isaid.
Hesmiledtome,passedafingeracrossmycheekandstoodup,slinkingbackthewaywehadcome

overtheroof.

Itookonemorelookaroundmyroomasiftoassuremyselftherewasn’tanotherboyorsomethinghe

leftbehind.Ismoothedapalmovermyhairandwentformybedroomdoor,openingitanddasheddown
thestairs.

Mymother’sbedroomwasempty.Ifoundherinthekitchen.Shewasbentoverinthefridge,pulling

outapackageofgrapesandabottleofwater.Hermaroonrobewascrumpledasifshe’dbeensleepingin
it. I wondered where my father had gone but a moment later I heard clacking at the keyboard at the
computerinthefamilyroom.Hewasworking.

“Yes?”Iaskedsoftly.
Shespun,holdingherfoodandwatertoherchest.“Wherehaveyoubeen?”Herlacklusterbluegray

eyespassedovermeandsheturnedawaytoyankapapertowelfromtheholderagainstthewall.

Iblinkedather.Shedidn’tnoticemyshirtorthebruisesonmyface.“Upstairs.”
“Icalledyoufordinner.Youwereignoringme.”
“Oh,”Isaid.“Ihadmusicon.Ifellasleepforawhile.”
Hereyesfixedontheceiling.Hercrackedlipspursed.“DoyouthinkI’mstupid?Whyareyoulying?”
Iblinkedather.“Iwasjustupstairsandcamedown.”
Hereyesnarrowedatme.Shemarchedovertothehallclosetandpulledoutawoodenbarstool.She

pulledittothemiddleofthekitchenandpointedtoit.“Sit,”shecommanded.

I swallowed. I hated the stool. I was sore already from the hours of working, too. I said nothing,

moving across the floor to perch on the stool. The flat part bit into my butt as it was hard and
uncomfortable.Iputmyfeetonthecrossslatsbetweenthelegs.

“Stayrighthere,”shesaid.
“It’slate.I’vegotschool,”Isaid.
Sheignoredmeandwentbacktoherbedroom.
Isighed.Ithurtbutitwasn’tkneelinginrice.
A footstep sounded behind me and I twisted in my seat. Luke stood in the living room archway. His

headtilted,puzzled.

I gasped and covered my mouth with my fist. I silently yelled at him with a glare. Get out! Are you

crazy?Whatareyoudoinghere?

Heputafingertiptohislips,motioningtometokeepquiet.
Wellnoduh.Icouldn’twhisper.Icouldn’tthinkofhowtotellhimtogetoutofhere.Itriedspellingit

withsignlanguage,“Go!You’llgetcaught.”HewasasmartAcademystudent,he’dfigureitout.

Hiseyebrowsraisedandhegrinned.HeflashedsomesignlanguagebutIdidn’tknowanywords.
Ishookmyhead,spellingtohim.“Ionlyknowthealphabet.”
Hespelledout,“Wheredidyoulearn?”
Thiswasn’tthetimetotalkaboutit!Ispelled,“Youcan’tstay.Shemightcomeback.”
Hesmirkedatme,ablondlockfallingawayfromhisearandhanginginhiseyes.Hesteppedfurther

intothekitchen.Hewasbarefoot.Hedidacirclearoundme,tiptoeingandtestingthefloorforcreaks.He
starteddownthehallwaytowardmymom’sbedroomandthestaircase.Igulped,pushingmypalmstomy
cheeks.Hecouldn’tbeseriousthinkinghewasgoingtopokearound.Iswallowed,myheartthundering
inmythroat,listeningforwhatIwassurewastheinevitablediscoveryandthechaosthatwouldhappen
whenitdid.

Lukereturnedviathelivingroomagainaftermakingafullcircle.Hetookaquickpeekinatthefamily

room.IwaitedformyfathertoseehimbutLukepulledback.Heseemedateasewithsneakingaround.
He tiptoed back into the kitchen and held out the pink cell phone to me. I blinked at him, confused and
checkedthephoneformessages.

Luke:“Howlongdoyouhavetosittherefor?”

Isighed,pursingmylipsandtypinginamessageforhim.

Sang:“Untilsheletsmego.”

He jumped up until he was sitting on top of the counter near the sink. He held his cell phone in his

handsandtypedinamessage.

Luke:“Whynotgetupnow?She’snotpayingattention.”

Sang:“Shecouldcomeback.IfI’mnothere,it’llbeworse.”
Luke:“Willshemakeyoudrinkvinegaragain?”
Sang:“Maybe.Idon’tknow.”

Hefrowned.Hetypedsomethingelseintohisphoneandputitaside.

I twisted my lips, confused, frustrated, scared to death. Since my phone didn’t rattle, the message

wasn’tforme.Itypedintothephone.

Sang:“Whyaren’tyouleaving?”

Hecheckedthephone,smirkedbutputitdown,notansweringme.
Ispelledwithmyfingers,“Stopsittingthere.Northiswaitingforyou.”
Lukesmirkedatme,signing,“Notanymore.”

No matter what I said, Luke refused to leave. He would sign or text me to say something or ask a

question.Hepawedthroughthecabinetsforfood.Hebroughtmewaterandcrackersandfoundanapple
toeatforhimself.Onoccasion,he’dslinkaway,assilentasawhisper,andtrekintootherpartsofthe
house.

He was there for at least two hours. No matter how many times I begged, he refused to leave me

behind.

Luke:“You’reoneofus.”

Herepeateditoften.Itbecametoofrustratingtotrytoconvincehimtoleave.
Igottextsfromsomeoftheothers,too.

North:“Ifoundyourshirt.Youleftitinthekitchen.”
Sang:“Hangontoitforme?”
North:“Willdo.”

Nathan:“I’mboredandmybodyhurtsandIcan’tmoveandthissucksandmybackhurtsandI’m

hungry.”

Sang:“Getbetter.We’llhangoutthen.”
Nathan:“Iwanttacosoup.Comerubsomeofthislotiononmybackagain.Ican’treach.”
Sang:“Areyoucomingtoschooltomorrow?”
Nathan:“Nopromises.”

Gabriel:“Youweren’tsupposedtoleaveyourhouse.I’vebeentextingyouallafternoon.Ithought

youwereintrouble.”

Sang:“IwaswithNorthandtheothers.I’msorryIforgotmyphone.”
Gabriel:“How’syourface?”
Sang:“Fine.How’syournose?Areyouhurting?”
Gabriel:“I’mfuckingpeachy.Nexttimelistentome,willyou?”
Sang:“Sorry.”
Gabriel:“Stopapologizing.Itmakesithardertobemadatyou.”
Sang:“Idon’tlikeitwhenyou’remadatme.SoI’msorry.”

Gabriel:“You’restillgrounded.”

Sang:“Thanksagainfortheviolin.It’sbeautiful.”
Victor:“Getgoodatitandwe’llplaytogethersometime.”
Sang:“Istillhaven’theardyouplay.”
Victor:“Soon.”

Afterafewhours,Iwasrockingonthestool,sore,uncomfortableandembarrassed.Iwantedtogetmy

mother’sattentionandgetthisoverwith.

Stepsechoedinthehouse.Someonewascoming.MyeyesshottoLuke,henodded,slippedintothe

livingroomanddisappeared.

Myfathercameintothekitchen.Hiseyelidsdrooped.He’dfinishedupworkandwasheadingtobed.

Whenhespottedmeonthestool,hisheadtiltedatmeinconfusion.Didhegetahaircut?Icouldn’ttell.
Thereweremoregrayhairsathistemples,though.AndwhatdidIknow?Ineversawhim.

“Whathappened?”heaskedme.
“I came down when she called me,” I said flatly. He’d been here the whole time and he now just

noticed?

Heraisedaneyebrow.“Isthatit?”
“ShethoughtIwaslyingtoherwhenIsaidIcamefrommybedroom.”
Heshrugged.“Alright.Gotobed.”
Ijumpedfromthestool,takingthesidehallwaytoavoidwalkingnearhim.Iwastooangryanddidn’t

wanttobeanywherenearmyparents.Iwasachingandexhausted.Itwastemptingtofeignsickthenext
dayandstayhome.MaybeI’dsneakovertoNathan’shouseandspendthewholedaywithhim.

LukewassittingonthestaircasewhenIapproached.Ireprimandedhimwithaglare.Hehoppedtohis

feet,leaneddowntograbatmyarmandpulledmeupthestairs.Heheavedmebackintomybedroom,
closingthedoorbehindus.

Ihitthestereo’svolumeupalittleandstumbledovertothebed.Iploppedontoitonmyside.
Lukecollapsednexttome,facingme.“Ican’tbelieveyoustayedthereforsolong,”hesaid.”
Ipouted.“WhatelsewasIgoingtodo?”
Hebrushedafingeracrossmycheek.“Sheforgotaboutyou,”hesaidquietly.
“Ifshedoesn’tforgetandcomesback…”Ipushedmyhandovermyheartandsighed.
Hisfeaturessoftened,thosebrowneyesfixingovermyface.“It’sbeenalongday,”hesaid.
I trembled, nodding, swallowing back my angry, tired tears. I didn’t even care if he was there any

more.Ididn’tcarethatwecouldgetcaughtatanymoment.Lukestayedwithmethewholetime.Hedidn’t
forgetaboutme.Hedidn’tabandonme,despitemyasking.Itwasoverwhelminghowkindhewas.

Heleaptup,hittingthelights.Inthedark,hepulledtheblanketonthebedandslippedinnexttome

beforecoveringusup.MyheartthunderedbutasIcontinuedtoquakeandwithmywillpowerdepleted,I
wastooweaktotellhimtogohome.Iwasn’tsureifhewouldlistentome,anyway.

HisarmswentaroundmeandIsunkintohishug.Hischinpressedtomyforehead.Iinhaledthevanilla

scent. His fingers rubbed at the muscles in my back along my spine. I pressed my cheek to his chest,
listeningtohisbreathing.Myeyesflutteredshut,mylashescrossingagainsthisskin.

I didn’t care what happened to me. If there was another fight with Luke, or Gabriel, or any of the

others,Iwouldjumpin.Iknewitdowntomybones.

BecauseIknewthey’ddothesameforme.

T

HURSDAY

I

NAPPROPRIATE

Idreamedofholdingthehandofalittleboy,whowasexhaustedandwantedtostoprunning.We

couldn’tstop,though.Thegroundwasfallingoutfromunderus.Ifwedidn’tkeepmoving,wewould
fallintotheabyss.

L

ukewasgonewhenIwokeupthenextmorning.Ismelledhiminthesheets.Itwasthepromiseof

seeingtheguysagainthathadmemoving,draggingmyselfintotheshowerandgettingreadyforanother
day.

MarieandIwalkedtogethertoKota’sdriveway.Iwasdying.MymusclesachedtothepointwhereI

wasinneartearscarryingmybookbagandtheviolin.

KotatookonelookatmeasIwalkedupandIcouldtellhewasbitinghistonguewaitingforMarieto

getoutofearshotbeforehecouldstarthisreelofquestions.

“Whathappenedtoyou?”heasked.Hisgreeneyesnarrowedatme.
Idroppedmybookbagonthegroundatmyfeet,theviolinjoinedit.“I’mallsore,”Iwhinedtohim.
Hiseyeswidened.“Why?”
Hedidn’tknow?“IwashelpingNorthandtheothersatthediner.”Ikepttheotherparttomyself,about

sittinginthekitchenforacoupleofhoursafter.Ididn’twanthimtoworryaboutthat.

Hecrackedahalfsmile,touchingthebridgeofhisglasses.“Youwerehelping?”
“Weclearedoutthecountersinthekitchenandthecarpetinthechapel.”
Helaughed.HiseyesslidtoDanielleandDerrickwhowerecominguptheroad.Mariewaswavingto

them.Kotalookedbackatme.“Areyougoingtomakeittoday?”

Iletoutasigh.“Yes,”Isaid.“I’malreadyhere.”
Hepulledhiscellphoneoutofhispocket,andpunchedsomethingintoatextmessage.“Waituntilwe

gettoschool.I’llhelp.”

Iwasn’tsurewhathemeant.Helpwithwhat?
He waited with his cell phone in his hands and it buzzed. He checked the message and nodded.

“Good.”HelookedupexpectantlytowardNathan’shouse.

Istoodbesidehim,lookinginthesamedirection.ThefrontdooropenedandNathansteppedout.
“Areyougettinghimtocomealong?Ithoughthewasstillhurt,”Isaid.
“Hecan’tmissanymoreschoolrightnow,”Kotasaid.Heturnedtome.“Blackbourne’sorders.”
IpushedmyfingertomylipaswewatchedNathanstumblingupthestreettowardus.Nathan’seyes

weredark,hislipsinagrimtwist.Eventhoughitwaswarm,heworealong-sleeve,collaredshirt,open
completelytorevealthewhitet-shirtunderneath.Hehaddoubledthelayerstohelphidethebruisesstill

prominent on his body.

His finger was still wrapped in the splint. As bad as I felt, he looked so much

worse.

Whenhelookedup,hiseyessoughtmeoutandhestraightenedashewalked.Thecornerofhismouth

twistedup.Washetryingtoputonabravefaceforme?

ThebusswungaroundthebendonourstreetasNathansteppedupbesideme.Hesuckedinaheavy

breathasheclutchedthestrapstohisbookbag.

“Nathan?” I whispered to him. I was afraid of stressing him. Did he know about yesterday? Was he

angrywithme,too?

“Heardyoumissedme,”hesaid,hehalfturned,lookingdownatme.Thesmileonhislipsbroadened.

“And that you’re beating up the boys at school in protest to get me to come back. Couldn’t let that
happen.”

MyeyesslidtoKotabehindus.Hetiltedhishead,tellingmewhatIwasasking.KotaluredNathanout

usingmeasbait.

Iturnedforward,myhandsoughtoutNathan’sforearm.Iwrappedmyfingersaroundit.“Youbetternot

dieonme,”Isaidsoftly.

Icaughthisgrinashemovedtowardthebus.
Kota picked up my things for me despite my small objection. Nathan fell into the seat first, I slid in

nexttohimandKotadroppedourthingsatmyfeetbeforesittingnexttome.IleanedagainstNathanto
giveKotaroom.

“What’sup?”Nathanasked.“Whyarewesquishedlikethis?”
Irealizedhe’dmissedalot.Washeonlygoneforoneday?“There’salotmorestudentsthatridethe

buscomparedtothefirstmorning,”Isaid.

“LastcountIhadwasninetysixstudents,”Kotasaid.“I’mprettysurethere’smore.Thismodelwas

designedtoholdmaybeeighty.”

Nathanhuffed,tiltinghisbodyarounduntilhehadhisbackpressedupagainstthewindowandhisarm

wrappedaroundmyshoulder.“Nextproject,figureouthowSangcanrideinthecarwithustoschool.”

“We’vegotsomeotherthingstoworryaboutrightnow,”Kotasaid.“Where’sithurt,Sang?”
IblushedasNathan’sfacefellonme.“Whathappenedtohernow?”heasked.
“Helpingtoolongatthediner,”Kotasaid.“Overworkedhermuscles.”
“Shit,”Nathansaid.
“I’mnotthatbad,”Iinsisted.NowthatNathanwasthereandIwassurehewasinmuchworsepain,it

seemedwrongtocomplain.

Kotaeyeballedme.
Iletoutapuffofairbutsurrendered.“Okay,I’malittlesore.”Mostlyinplaceshecouldn’timagine,

likemybuttandthighs.

When we finally got to school, Kota took my things back as we walked out to the courtyard. The

thoughtofsittingonthehardconcretebencheswasn’ttempting,soIoptedtostand.

Kota and Nathan dropped onto the bench together. Nathan immediately fished out his cell phone and

startedmessingwithit.

Kota put my things and his stuff down on the ground at his feet. He curled his fingers after me, and

pattedathislap.“Comehere,Sang,”hecommanded.

I tiptoed closer to him, unsure of what he was asking me to do. He placed his hands on my waist,

pullingmedownuntilIwassittingonhislap.Hepositionedmeuntilmybuttwasoutclosertohisknees.
Fromthere,hepressedhisfingertipsandpalmsintomylowerback,massaginginsmallcirclesalongmy
spine.

Itwasmagic.Hisfingersworkedmysorenessfrommymuscles.Myeyesclosedthroughawilloftheir

own as he massaged. My heart was thudding because I was sitting in his lap and his touch, but I was
powerlesstosayno.Ididn’twantto,anyway.

IslidaglanceatNathan.Hecaughtmyeyeandhegrinned.“He’sspoilingyou,”hesaid.

“Wejustneedhertogetthroughtheday,”Kotasaid.“Shecangohomerightafterschoolandrest.”
“Whatsheneedsisastrengthtrainingschedule,”Nathansaid.“Buildupsomemuscles.”
Ihalfsmirked,rollingmyeyes.
Kota was working my shoulders when Gabriel and Victor came through the doors to the courtyard.

Theygawkedinourdirection.

“Whatthefuck?”Gabrielcalledoutashegotcloser.“Whatthehellareyoudoingtoher?”
“Hermusclesweresore,”Kotasaid,pushinghispalmbetweenmyshoulderblades.
Iwasputty.Myvoiceboxrefusedtodomuchmorethanasoftmoanathistouch.
GabriellookedoveratNathan,hiseyessquinting.“Yourmakeupisfuckedup.”
Ihadn’tevennoticedNathanwearingany.Iglancedathim.Therewasastrangetinttotheedgeofhis

jawwherehehadusedconcealeragainsthischeek.

Nathanshrugged.“It’llwork,”hesaid.
“Letmefixit,”Gabrielsaid.
“I’mnotgettingitdonehere,”Nathansaid.“Forgetit.”
Gabrielrolledhiseyesandfocusedonmyface.Hetouchedmychin,examining.“You’renottoobad,”

hesaid.Hefeltintohispocketforacompactandpassedittome.“Brushthison.”

Iopenedthecompactwithconcealingpowderandrubbeditin,usingthemirror.WhenItriedtopassit

back,Gabrielshookhishead.“Keepit.Touchitupeveryonceinawhile.”

Silas,NorthandLukearrived.Bythen,Kotawasdonemassaging.HepositionedmeuntilIwassitting

sidewaysonhislap,hisfingertipstracedovermyside.

NorthtookonelookatmeinKota’slapandgrunted.“What’swrongwithyou?”heasked.
“Someonekeptheroutlateworking,”Kotasaidinasuggestivetone.
Northsmirkedatme.“Traitor.Youtold.”HesankdownnexttoSilasontheotherbench.Lukesaton

thegrassinthemiddle.

“Youneedtobemorecareful,”Kotademanded.“Youshouldhaveknown.Ican’tbelieveyoukepther

outforsolong.”

“Itwasfun,”Isaidsoftly.“Idon’tmindhelping.”
Kota picked his legs up and brought them down sharply so I bounced in his lap. I leaned into him,

wrappingarmsaroundhisshouldersasIfeltlikeIwasgoingtofall.“Shush,”hetoldme.“I’mlecturing.”

“Ouch,”Ipoutedasabriefpainjabbedmeinmybutt.Luke’seyeswidenedatmebutIpursedmylips,

givingaslightshakeofmyhead.Ididn’twanttotalkaboutitrightnow.Heseemedtounderstand.Iwas
inenoughtrouble.

“MissSangSorenson,”calledasharp,bristlyvoicefromacrossthecourtyard.
ApricklestartedinmyspineandIleaptfromKota’slaptoaddresswhoeverhadcalledtome.
Mr.McCoystompedacrossthecourtyardinourdirection.Hisnostrilsflaredoverhismustache.“You

arecomingwithmetotheoffice.Rightnow.”

Ibitmylowerlip,blushing.Icouldn’tbelieveit.Hadhebeenwatchingus?Therewasaglintinhis

eyesthatbetrayedthesternwayheheldhismouth.Hewasgladtohavecaughtusoutinsomething.

Kotastoodup,hishandsclenching.“What’sthisabout?”HisgreeneyesnarrowedinonMr.McCoy.
Mr. McCoy pointed a finger at him. “Inappropriate touching,” he said. “And you, too, mister. Come

withme.”

Isnappedmyselftogethertocollectmythings.Ifelttheotherguyswatchingus.NorthandNathanboth

startedtosaysomethingbutKotashotthemalookthatIwassuremeanttheyshouldholdbackandletus
go.WetrailedbehindMr.McCoytowardthemainoffice.

Kotawalkedalongsidemethroughthehallway,hisarmbrushingmineaswemovedtogether.Ithinkhe

meantittobereassuringbutIcouldn’tlookathim.Ifeltsoguiltythatwewerebothgettingintotrouble.
Thiswasmyfault,Iwassure.IfIhadonlybeeninsistentthatIwasfine.

Mr.McCoyheldtheofficedooropenforus.Wepassedthefrontsecretary’sdeskanddownahallway

wherehisofficewasneartheend,rightnexttoPrincipalHendricks.Hendricks’doorwasclosedandin
shadow.Iwonderedifhewasinthebuildingyet.

Mr.McCoyheldopenhisdoor.“MissSang,first.I’lldealwithyouinaminute,son,”hesaidtoKota.
Kotaglancedatmebutsaidnothing.Whatelsecouldwedo?
Mr. McCoy’s office had one window looking out into the front lawn of the school. The glass was

warbled in a particular style, letting in light but not allowing anyone to see inside. I only caught the
abstractbrown-greenbloboftheschoolyardandtheskyandtheoccasionalblurofcarspassinginthe
streetinthedistance.

Theviceprincipalwaitedformetofullyenter.Isteppedaroundhim,mysandalsscufflingalongthe

blueutilitycarpet.Heshutthedoor,hittingthelock.

Apricklingsensationsweptovermyskin.I’dbeeninclosedroomswiththeboysforalittlewhileand

Iwasstillgettingusedtoit.Thisfeltcompletelydifferent.I’dneverbeenintroublebeforewithschool
administration, but I thought I would have rather gotten into trouble with any other teacher rather than
McCoy.

Mr.McCoypointedtoarigidwoodenchairwithachubbyfinger.“Sit,MissSang.”
His eyes locked on me as I crossed the room. I sat, carefully smoothing my skirt over my legs and

crossingmyankles.Hisgazeneverleftme.Isweptmyeyestohisdesk,andswalloweddownatrembling
shiver

He padded over to his chair at his desk. His lips frowned and he sat, unbuttoning his ugly brown

blazer.Hisheadtiltedtowardme.“Doyouthinkit’sappropriatetositinaboy’slaponmycampus?”

Itwasastrangequestiontoask.Inthepastcoupleofdays,otherstudentsmadeout,groped,satinlaps

andavarietyofotherthings.Still,Iknewtheanswerhewanted.“No,sir,”Isaidinasoftvoice.

“ImaynotknowmuchaboutthatAcademy,”hesaid,“butIknowforsuretheydon’tallowthatkindof

behaviorintheirschool.”

Ididn’tknowhowtorespondtothis.Ididn’tknowanythingabouttheAcademyandIwasn’tsurehow

muchhewastoldaboutit.Iswallowedbacktheurgetocorrecthim.

“Ifinditsickeningagirllikeyouwouldallowaboytotouchyoulikethat,”hesaid.Hisoversized

desk chair creaked. I glanced up to see how he steepled his fingers under his chin. “I should call your
mother.”

Iloweredmyeyesagainandtryingtolookcompliantandapologetic.“I’msorry,”Iwhispered.
“Wheredidhetouchyou?”heasked.
Myheadshotup,unsureifIheardthequestioncorrectly.“Pardon?”
“Tell me every place that boy touched you,” he said. His eyes pierced into me, stabbing unclear

intentionsatmyface.

Wasthisnecessary?“I...um...”MyfingersfoundmybottomlipasIspoke.“He...Iwassittinginhis

lap,”Isaid.Wasn’tthatobvious?Didn’theseeforhimself?Whydidhewantmetosayitoutloud?

“Hehadhishandsonyourhips,”hesaidflatly.
Iblushed.Hadhe?Icouldn’tremember.MymindreeledwhileItriedtothinkofit.Hedidinitially

touchmetherewhenhefirstplacedmeinhislap.Howlonghadhebeenwatching?

“Thenhestartedrubbingyourback,”Mr.McCoysaid.Hesmirkedatme.“Didhetouchyourbreasts?”
MyeyespoppedopenandIstartedshakingmyhead.“No...”Howcouldhesaythat?Justhearinghim

askingthisofmemademyinsidesquake.IfeltashamedofwhatIhaddoneenough,anddidn’twanttolet

himassumeKotawoulddosomethinglikethat.IwaslongingforKotatobethereatfirstbutnowIwasso
gladhewasn’t.HewouldknowhowtohandlethisbutIcouldn’timaginewhatwouldhappenifheheard
itfromMr.McCoydirectly.

Theviceprincipalfrownedatme.“Youshouldaddressmeassir,MissSang.”
“Sir,”Irepeated.
Hetwistedaroundinhischairtosnatchalargeblackbinderofftheshelfnexttohim.Heopeneditand

flippedthroughyellowcarboncopypagesuntilhefoundanemptysetofunuseddetentionslips.“Iexpect
youtobehavebetterinthefuture.”Hebentoverandstartedfillingouttheform.

Thiswasbad.Iwasgettingdetentiononthethirddayofschool.Mymothercouldn’tcomegetme.My

fatherwasn’tgoingtobeabletopickmeupuntilwellaftertheschoolwouldbeclosed.Iwouldbestuck
thereforhours.

Hetoretheslipfromhisbookandhehelditouttome.“Youshouldthankmethatitisn’tanin-school

suspension.Althoughnexttimeitmightbe.”

Iwasn’tsurewhattosay.Withashakinghand,ItouchedtheslipbutasItriedtopullitaway,heheld

ontoit.Ilookedupathim,confused.

Hiswateryeyessquintedatme.“Saythankyou,sir,”hecommanded.
Thebellrangforthestartofourfirstclass.Iswallowed,mybrainbuzzingwithfear.“Thankyou,sir,”

Isaidquietly.

Hemadeasoundfromhisthroatthatalmostsoundedlikeagrunt.“Tellthatboyoutinthehallwayto

gettoclass.”

IflutteredwhereIstood,holdingthedetentionslipinmyhand.Washenotgoingtotalktohim,too?

WhatSilassaidbeforetomeaboutMr.McCoylookingtogivemedetentiontheotherdayslippedintomy
mind.Hehadbeenright.Hewaswaitingforthis.

Istood,headingtowardthedoor.Asecuritysystemkeypadwasblinkingtotheleftofthedoorandit

caught my eye. Some of the numbers and other buttons had the words worn off. Did the vice principal
haveaseparatesecuritysystemforjusthisoffice?

Iopenedthedoor.Kotawasstandinginthehallway,leaningwithhisbackagainstthewall.Iclosed

Mr.McCoy’sofficedoorbehindme.

“Whathappened?”Kotaasked.
Iheldoutmydetentionslip.“We’resupposedtogotoclass,”Isaid.
Helookedconfused.“Hedoesn’twanttoseeme?”
“No,”Isaid.“HesaidyouandIshouldgotoclass.Thatwasit.”
Hiseyesflittedtothedoor.Ibentovertopickupmybookbagandviolin.Kotareachedformyhand,

holdingitandtuggedmealongdownthehallway.Neitherofusspokeashewalkedwithmethroughthe
frontofficewaitingroomandbackoutintotheschool.Wewerebothlatesoitdidn’treallymatterifwe
hurried.

“Whatdidhesaytoyou?”Kotaasked.
“He...hewantedtoknowwhereyoutouchedme,”Isaid.“Heaskedifyoutouchedmyhipsandmy

breasts.”

Kota stopped dead in the hallway, turning to me. His eyes widened. “He asked that? What did you

say?”

“Ideniedthatyoudid,”Isaid.“Andthenhegavemethedetentionslipandaskedmetotellyoutogo

toclass.”

Kotafrowned.Hetuggedatmyhandagainandwewalkedacrosstheschooltomyhomeroomclass.
“Sang,”hesaid.“Didyougetagoodlookattheinsideofhisoffice?”

ItwasthelastthingIwasthinkingabout.“Yes,”Isaid.“Wellpartofit.”
“Canyourememberwhatitlookedlike?”heasked.“Couldyoudrawmeamap?”
Itwasmyturntolookconfusedathim.“What?”
His green eyes took on a strange glaze. “Do me a favor and write down everything you saw in his

office,okay?Writeouteverydetail.”Hesqueezedmyhandandletgo.“Getinthere.I’llcatchupwith
youatEnglish.”

I turned to ask him why but he was already in a sprint toward his own homeroom. I sighed, not

understandingandwonderingifthiswassomethingfortheAcademyorifthiswashisowndesire.What
wouldhewantwithamapoftheviceprincipal’soffice?

I thought about how Mr. Blackbourne commanded him to wire the boys who had caused the fighting

yesterday. This was way more than figuring out rumors and preventing future fights. The Academy was
infiltratingtheentireschool.

O

NE

O

F

U

S

N

orthandLukeheldmyseatformeinhomeroom.WhentheteacheraskedwhereIwas,Irevealed

mydetentionsliptohim.Helookeditover,noddedtomeandaskedmetotakeaseat.

Ifellintomychair,droppingmythingsatmyfeet.LuketurnedinhisdeskandIfeltNorthleaningover

thetopofhisbehindme.

“Sangbaby,”Northstarted,“What--”
“Igotdetention,”Isaid.
Lukedidahalfsmirk.“Kota,too?”
Ishookmyhead.Ittookmeamomenttoexplainittothem.AsIwastalking,Ipulledoutanotebook

and started scribbling notes to myself to remember what Kota had asked, giving him a detailed
descriptionofMr.McCoy’soffice.WhenIwasdonewithmystory,Idrewmybestvariationofamapon
theside.

“What’stheviceprincipalgotagainstyou?”Northasked.“IknowI’veseenkidsnearlyfuckinginthe

hallways.Noonestopsthem.”

“Ibumpedintohimacoupleoftimes,”Isaid,ignoringhislastcomment.Didhereallyseethat?“He

wasn’t happy that Dr. Green helped me at the start of school and I’m pretty sure he and Mr. Hendricks
thinksI’mpartofyourgroup.”

Ididn’thavetolookuptoknowtheywereexchangingglancesabovemyhead.
I was drawing out the keypad in the corner of my paper when the bell rang for the next class. Luke

grabbed my violin for me and I grabbed my book bag. I was going to get my violin from him but he
grabbedformyhand,tooandstartedtuggingmetowardthedoor.

When we were outside and in the hallway, North put an arm around me, his fingers grasping my

shoulder. We walked together like that, with Luke’s hand in mine and North on the other side of me. A
silencefelloverus.Iwasalmostgratefulforit.Thisfirstweekwastheworstandneededtoend.Feeling
themaroundme,knowingtheyweretherefeltsomuchbetter.Idon’tknowhowIsurvivedallmyother
schoolsalone.WhatwouldIhavedonewithoutthematthisone?Itmademefearfulofthefuture,ofnext
yearwhenImaynothavethemaroundastheywouldgobacktotheirAcademy.

Northdidn’tletgoofmeuntilwewerestandingoutsideofthetrailerforourfirstclass.Hewalkedoff

withoutlookingback.Lukeletgoofmyhandtoholdopenthedoor.IfellintomyseatandLukesatbehind
me.Kotafiledinshortlyafter.KotaandLukesharedasilentlookovermyshoulder,checkingintomake
suretheotherknewwhatwasgoingon.

IhadmynotebookoutandIwasfinishingupthekeypad.KotastudiedwhatIwasdoing.Hereadwhat

I’dwrittenupsidedown,checkingmyworkonthekeypad.

“Whydidn’tyouputnumbershere?”heasked,pointingtothekeysthatwereblank.
“Thereweren’tany,”Isaid.“Itwassmudgedoff.Itlookedlikeanoldsystem.”Isighed,lookingover

mypaperonemoretimeandrippeditfrommynotebookandhandedittohim.“What’sthisfor?”

Hereviewedmyworkagain,analyzing.“Doyourememberthenameofthesecuritysystem?”

Ithoughtaboutit.Iheldmyhandoutforthesheetofpaperandwrotedownthename:E&OInc.
Henoddedandtookthepaperfrommeagain.“Thanks,”hesaid.
IwasabouttoaskhimagainwhatthiswasforwhenGabrielburstin.Hefellintohisseat,breathing

heavilyasifhehadbeenrunningtogethere.“Okay,”hesaid.“Whathappened?”

“Igotdetention,”Isaid.
“What?”Gabrielasked.“You?Why?”
“Inappropriatetouching,”Kotasaid.
Gabrielblinkedathimasthebellrangforthestartofclass.“Didyougetdetention?”
“Nope,”Kotasaid.
“That’sbullshit.”
Kotashothimalook.
“Well,itis,”Gabrielsaid.Hiscrystalblueeyesdancedaroundtheroomasifhewastryingtocome

upwithsomething.

Ms.Johnsonstoodinfrontoftheroom.ShebarelyfinishedrollcallwhenGabrielshothishandinthe

air.

“YesMr.Coleman?”Ms.Johnsonasked.
“I’msorrytointerrupt,”hesaid.“Whatwouldittaketogetadetention?”heasked.
Ms.Johnsonpushedafingertohereyebrow.“Pardon?”
“Gabriel,”Kotacommandedinawhisper.

Gabrielignoredhim.

“Whatwouldsomeonehavetodotogetadetentioninthisclass?”

Ms.Johnsonstilllookedconfused.“Isupposeifsomeonestartedcussinginclass,but...”
“Goddamn-shit-motherfucker,” Gabriel spat out. He pressed his index finger to his chin and looked

apologetic.“Ohwait,isitonedetentionforeachoneorcanitjustcountasagroup?”

Theclassroaredwithlaughter.Ipressedmyhandstomyface,smotheringagiggleofmyown.What

washedoing?

Ms.Johnson’slipstwistedintoanalmostsmirk.“Ifyouwantedadetentionthatbadly,youcouldhave

justaskedmeafterclass.”

“Oh,”Gabrielsaid.“Thensorry.I’llaskyouafterclass.”
MyshouldersshookasIgiggled,andIfoldedmyarms,pressingmyforeheadtothedesk.Icouldn’t

lookathim.Icouldn’tlookatanyofthem.

“Anyoneelsewantdetention?”Ms.Johnsonasked.
Ithinkshemeantthequestiontobetheoreticalastheclassroomwaslaughing.Ipoppedmyheadup.

Kotaraisedhishandexpectantly.IlookedbacktoseeLukenearlystandingoutofhischairandraisinghis
hand.

“Justseemeafterclass,”shesaid.“Noneedtocuss.”Shelookedbewildered,shakingherheadasif

herstudentshadjustgoneinsane.

“What are you doing?” I whispered to Kota. He ignored me though. I glanced over at Gabriel, who

worethebiggestsatisfiedsmirk.Hewinkedatme.

Isettledbackintomyseat,sighing.

Iwaitedfortheboystogettheirdetentionslipsattheendofclass.Kotahadtotakeoffimmediately

after. I wanted to ask him more questions but he quietly shook his head at me. He couldn’t answer me
now.

LukeranofftohisnextclassandGabrielwaitedwithmeforNorthafterclass.

GabrielwavedhisdetentionslipintheairlikeavictoryflagatNorthasheapproached.“Oy,”hesaid.
Northgrunted.“Notyou,too.”
“Notjustme,”Gabrielsaid.“KotaandLuke.”
“Goddammit,”Northsaid.Hesighedandgazedatme.“Howcouldyouletthemdothat?”
My eyes popped open and I held my hands up in the air in defeat. “I didn’t let them. They wouldn’t

stop.Idon’tknowwhatthey’redoing.”

“We’renotlettingyougotodetentionalone,Trouble,”Gabrielsaid.Ishothimalookforthenamehe

called me. I felt like trouble for them enough. He chopped me on the head and winked at me before
runningofftoclass.

Northgrumbledandhookedhisarmaroundmyshoulders,hisfingersthreadedthroughmyhairtorubat

myscalp.

“I don’t get it, North,” I said as we walked together to the main building. “Why are they getting

detentionsforme?”

“You’repartofusnow,”hesaid.“Haven’tyounoticed?”
Ipushedapalmtomyforehead.“Idon’tknowwhatthatmeans.Pleasedon’ttellmethatyou’regoing

totrytogetdetention,too.Idon’tknowifIcantakethis.YoushouldtellKotaandtheotherstostop.I
think the teacher would understand if they gave the detention slips back. They don’t need to get into
troublewithme.”

Helaughedsoftly,hisdeepvoiceseemedtoreverberateinmybones.Hepulledmecloserandpushed

hisnosetomyhairashesaid,“Sangbaby,you’rebeautiful.”

Hiscomplimenthadmefloatingallthewaytoournextclass.

Nathan was slumped over in his chair in geometry class when we walked in. I fell into the chair in

frontofhimandNorthsatinfrontofme.

Nathanpoppedhisheadup.“Okay,what’sgoingon?”Hetuggedalockofmyhair.
“Sang’sgotdetention,”Northsaid.
“Fuck,”Nathansaid.
“So does Gabriel and Luke and Kota,” I said. It felt good to tattle on them, even if it was only to

Nathan.

“They’renottheonlyones,”Northsaid.Hesearchedhispocket,pullingoutadetentionslipwithhis

namescrawledonit.

Mymouthpoppedopen.“North!”
“Hey,”hesaid.“Ididn’tthinkKotaandtheothersweregoingtodoit.Besides,someonehastodrive

youhome.”

“Whatdidyoudo?”Iasked.
“Isleptduringclass,”Northsaid.“Imadesuretosnore.”
“Hell,I’lldothat,”Nathansaid.Heputhisheadtothedesk.
Iturnedaroundinmychairtopokeathisarm.“Nathan,don’tyoudare.”
“You’renotmyboss,”hesaidwithoutliftinghishead.“Kotais.”
“Kotawouldtellyouno,”Isaidasthebellrang.
“No, he wouldn’t,” North said. He slapped me with a palm on my thigh. “Shush and get your

homeworkoutbeforetheteachergivesyouanotherone.”

Despite his best effort to sleep the entire time, Nathan didn’t get a detention in geometry class. The

geometryteacherseemedtohavesomesympathysincehedidlooktiredandhe’dbeenout‘sick’theday

before.

Nathanwalkedbesidemetomyviolinclass.
“Don’tgetdetention,”Iwarnedhimaswegottothemusicroom.“I’mtellingyounotto.”
Hewavedmeoffdismissivelyasheheldopenthedoor.Igroanedandstalkedintoclass.
IswallowedhardasIspottedMr.Blackbourneacrosstheroom.Iwasn’tsurewhattosay.ShouldI

warn him what the others were doing? Would I have the nerve to tell him why this all started? So far
every time I’ve bumped into him, there’s something new going on. He was going to think I was the
troublemakerGabrielclaimedIwas.

Mr.Blackbourneworeadarkgraysuit,hisredtiesnugagainsthisneck.Perfect.Hissteeleyescaught

mine.“MissSorenson?”Itwasn’ttheusualgreeting,butaquestioninvitingmetospillit.

“Igotdetention,”Isaid.Ithoughtitwasbesttogetitoutoftheway.“Andtheboysareallnowtrying

togetdetention,too,soIwon’thavetodoitalone.”There.Maybehe’llgiveanorderforthemalltostop.
I could spare Silas and Victor and maybe even catch Nathan before he got written up. If anyone could
override the crazy hierarchy of these Academy students that I didn’t understand, I was pretty sure Mr.
Blackbournecould.

Mr.Blackbourneraisedadarkeyebrowcoolly,staringatmeasifIwereabouttotellhimIwasjust

kidding.WhenIdidn’t,hesighedoutloud.Heheldahandouttowardthebenchofthepiano,invitingme
tosit.WhenIhadcrossedtheroom,hetookmyviolincaseandmybookbagfrommyhandstoputthemin
achairnearby.

Mr.Blackbournesatnexttomeonthebench,slightlyturnedsohecouldlookdownatme.Ifeltweak

nexttohispowerfulstatureandthesteelygazeasheseemedtoknoweverythingbeforeIevensaidit.

“Startatthebeginning,”hesaidsoftly.
Mycomposuremelted.MymouthopenedandItoldhimeverything,doingmybesttoexplainsittingin

Kota’slap,gettingcaughtbyMr.McCoy.

When I finished, I was shaking. “And I can’t let my mother find out,” I slipped. It was what I was

thinkingbuthadn’tmeanttorelaythistohim.

“Whynot?”heasked.Hehadn’tquestionedtheboys’participationormyownrecklessnesswithKota.

Washenotangrythatwewerebeingsoridiculous?Iwasembarrassedformyownactionsandfornot
puttingmorepressureonKotaandtheotherstostop.

Ipushedafingertomylowerlip.“Mymomisstrict,”Isaid.“IfshehearsIgotdetentionbecauseI

wassittinginKota’slap...”Ididn’treallyknowwhatwouldhappen.Whatcouldshedo?Maybeitwould
beenoughreasonforhertoconvincemyfathertopullmeoutofschool.Ishiveredatthethought.Itwas
theoneplacewhereIcouldgetawayfromherwithouttheoverhangingguiltIgotwhenIranawaytobeat
Kota’sorsomewhereelse.“Butbesidesthat,Ithoughtmaybeyoucouldstopthem.SilasandVictormight
notknowyet.Nathan’sbeentryingtogetdetentionbysleepinginclass.”

Mr.Blackbournefrowned.Hetookhisglassesoffandbroughthisfingerstohisforehead,rubbinghis

eyebrows. “I’ve been working with the guys for six years and in less than a month you’ve got them
wrappedaroundyourfinger.”

Mymouthfellopen.“Mr.Blackbourne...”
He sighed, putting his glasses back on. “This is what you’re going to do,” he said. “Let the guys

continuetogetdetentionsiftheywant.Morethanlikelythey’llallhaveonebylunchtime.Behaveand
avoidMcCoy,ifyoucan.”

Iblushed,feelingthestrengthinhisgazeonme.“I’mtrying.”
“Iknow.Unfortunatelyit’sourfaultthatyou’regettingintothis,”hesaid.“Meanwhile,don’ttellthe

othersyou’vetalkedtomeyet.”

Isuckedinadeepbreath.“I’msorryforthis.DidImesseverythingup?”
Hiseyessoftened.“No,MissSorenson.Inreality,Ithinkyou’vedoneusahugefavor.”

After class, I waited outside the door until Victor turned the corner. He slipped beside me quietly,

reachingformyhand.Heheldittightlyaswewalkedtoclass.Itwasthewaythathisthumbslippedover
myskinbetweenmythumbandforefingerthattoldmeheknewwhatwasgoingon.Thefireblazinginhis
eyestoldmehewasdoingthesamethingastheothers.Iwouldn’tdaretellhimno.

Inhistory,Victoransweredaphonecallinthemiddleofclasstogetdetention.Heevensaidthankyou

toMr.Morrisafterward.

NorthandVictorandIarrivedatourspotinthecourtyardforlunch.Silaswasthere,andheheldup

hisowndetentionsliptome.

I smirked at him. “Silas,” I said in a warning tone, though I couldn’t help my smile. Since Mr.

Blackbournedidn’tflipoutabouttheboys,Ifeltalittlebetteraboutthesituation.Iwasoverwhelmedby
howtheguyswerereactingtothis.IthinkitwasthefirsttimethatIfeltwereallywereallinthistogether.

“WhatwasIgoingtodo?Walkhome?”Hegrinned,reachingaroundmyshoulderstogivemeastrong

hug.Igasped,laughingalittleandhugginghimback.

“Watchout,”Kotasaid,comingupbehindus.“You’llbothgetanotherdetention.Ireallydon’twantto

havetoaskMs.Johnsonforanother.”

Nathanwalkedpastus,sinkingtothegroundonhiskneesandfallingbackonthegrass.“Ihaven’tbeen

abletogetdetentionyet,”hecomplained.“I’vebeensleepingthroughallmyclasses.Noonecares.”

“Allthekidssleepinclass.Youshouldcurse,”Gabrielsaid.“Juststartcussing.Theyhavetogiveyou

detentionforthat.”

“Youhavetobecarefulwiththat,”Kotasaid.“Youmightendupwithin-schoolsuspensioninstead.”
Weweresharingpackagesofchipsandsandwicheswehadmadeathome.Iwaspickingpiecesaway

frommysandwichtoeatitalittleatatime.Theyweretalkingaboutwhatdetentionmightbelike.Ihadto
bitemytongueatthinkingofMr.BlackbourneandIwaswonderingifhewasgoingtobeabletogetthem
alloffthehook.

I also worried about what my mother would think when she found out. Could I get away with it not

beingmentionedtoheratall?Wouldtheschoolsaywhy?Wouldtheyevencallher?IwonderedifMarie
wouldnotice.Shehadn’tsaidmuchtomesinceschoolstarted.Icouldonlyhopeshewouldn’tcaretoday.

I sensed eyes on me and I caught Marie across the courtyard. She was walking alongside Danielle.

Theireyesflickedmyway.MariesaidsomethingtoDanielleandDaniellelaughed,lookingatmeagain.

“Yoursisteriskindofstuckup,”Gabrielsaidnexttomeonthebench.
“That’sfunny.Shesaidthesamethingaboutyouguys.”
Gabriellaughed.“Icanseewhyshethinkssobutdoesn’tsheknowpointingandlaughingatpeopleis

reallyrude?”

Ishrugged.“Alltheotherstudentsdoit.”
“Youdon’tdoit.”
Iblushed,beingcaughtatbeingtoldIwasdifferent.“ShouldIstart?”
“I’ll shoot you if you do.” He grinned at me. He took my hand that was holding my sandwich and

broughtittohismouthsohecouldtakeabite.

I laughed, rolled my eyes and handed him the rest of it. He took the sandwich from me and ate it. I

stooduptobrushcrumbsfrommyskirt.

“Hey, sexy lady,” called a voice behind me. I spun around as Mike, the red haired kid from the day

before,crossedthecourtyard.Hewastrailedbyacoupleoffriends,shakingtheirheads.Mikestoppeda

fewfeetfromme,andgotonhisknees.Hekneewalkeduntilhecouldgraspmyhandbetweenhis.His
eyessettledonmyface.“Heytheresexy.Willyoumarryme?”

“Goddamnit,”Northsaid.Hecrossedhisarmsoverhischest,glaringatMike.“Shefuckingsaidno

already.”

“Shutup,I’mnotaskingyou,”Mikebarkedback,thoughhewashalfsmiling.Helookedupatmeagain

andhisfacebecameserious.“Please?”

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. “No, sorry.” I had too much to worry about to have to deal with

crazyproposals.NowIknewhewasteasingme.

“Damn,”Mikesaid.Hejumpedupofftheground.“Maybenexttime.”Hestalkedofftowardthedoor

totheschool.Hisfriendsweregigglingbehindhim.

“Whatthehellwasthat?”Nathanaskedfromthegrass.Hehadbeenonhisbacknearlytheentiretime

buthewassittingupnow.

“Secondmarriageproposalthisweek,”Lukesaid,holdinguptwofingers.“AmIgoingtoneedtokeep

ascoreboard?”

“Theremightbeanotheroneinheresomewhere,”Northsaid.Hepulledoutahandfuloffoldednotes

fromhispockets,tossingthemathisbrother.“Ididn’tgothroughthemyet.”

Myeyeswidened,myhandgoingovermyheart.Wasthisschoolsomuchdifferentthanmyotherone?

“Whoisit?”Iasked.“Whokeepswritingtome?”

“It’sdifferentboys,”Northsaid.“Homeroom,geometryandhistorynow.”
Kotapulledouttwofoldednotesfromhispocket.“English,too,”hesaid,lookingguiltilyatme.
Victorpressedapalmtohiseye.“God,Iswear,Ifeellikewe’rebackinelementaryschool.”
“Whyaretheywriting?”Iasked,confused.“Aretheybeingmean?”
Theyallblinkedatmeandstartedlaughing.
“Idon’ttalktoanyonebutyouguys,”Isaidovertheirlaughter,notreallyunderstanding.“Nooneever

talkedtomeatmyoldschool.”

“Sweetie,”Lukesaid.HecollectedmyhandandtuggedmeuntilIwassittingnexttohimonthebench.

“Whatdidyoudoatyouroldschool?”

“Wenttoclass,andwenthome.Therewasn’tmuchelseIcoulddo.”
“Didyoubothertotrytotalktoanyone?”heasked.
Iblinked,andshookmyhead.“Ineverreallyhadtheopportunityorknewwhattosay.Mostpeople

ignoreme.”

Kotastartedtolaugh.“Everyoneprobablythoughtyouwerestuckup.Sinceyou’rehereandtalkingto

us,everyonethinksyou’reopenandpopularsothey’retryingtoclimbtheranks.”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?I’mnotpopular.”
Theyalllaughed.
Igroaned,puttingmyelbowsonmykneestorestmyfaceinmyhands.“You’reallcrazy.”

Theotherclasseswerequiet.IexpectedtoseeMr.HendricksorMr.McCoypopin,asI’dseenthem

sooftenthatweek.WhenImadeittogymclasswithoutincident,Iwashappy.

Itwasthefirstofficialdayweweresupposedtogetdressedforgym.WhenIchangedintotheuniform,

theshortslookedreallyshort.Iclappedmypalmstomythighs.Theywereafewinchesshorterthanmy
longestfingers.Didtheschoolcheckforthiskindofthing?Thet-shirtatleastwasnormal,andperhapsa
littlebigformyframeeventhoughI’dorderedasmall.

I’dbroughtanotherclipwithmejustforgymclass.Itwistedmyhair,pullingitawayfrommyface.

Gabrielcouldn’tdoanythingaboutitnow.AtleastIhopedhewouldn’t.

I was walking with the other girls toward the gym when a hooting echoed through the hallway. The

girlscrowdedatthedoor,peeringout.Afewofthegirlshadalreadyenteredthegym,crossingtheroom.
Theguysweresittinginformationandstartedhootingcatcalls.

“Whatarewegoingtodo?”oneofthegirlssaid,lookingbackatus.“They’rebeingstupid.”
Theotherswerethinkingoftakingthelongwayaroundsowehadashorterdistancetowalk.
“Let’sjustallgoouttogether,”Isuggested.TheothersturnedtomeandIpushedmyfingertomylip,

unsure. It surprised me that I’d said anything. Maybe the boys were right. Maybe I needed to relax and
openupmore.“Imean,let’sgoandgetitoverwith.Whocareswhattheydo?We’llbedoingthisallyear
andwecan’tjustavoidit.Justdon’tletthemthinkwecare.They’llgetoverit.”

The other girls smirked. We waited until everyone was together and as a group, we moved into the

gym.Theguysstartedclappingandhootingagain.Theechointhegymwasdeafening.Irecognizedafew
oftheboysfromthefightyesterday.Theonewhostarteditwasn’tamongthem.Iwonderedifhecameto
schoolatallorifKotamanagedtowirehim.

“Ignoreit,”Isaidtothegroup,quietersotheguyscouldn’thear.“Justmovetoyourseatandsit.Ifyou

lookatthem,they’llkeepdoingit.”IfIlearnedanythingfrommyoldschools,itwashowtousebeing
invisibleasanadvantage,especiallywhenitcametoavoidingcontactwithbulliesuntilIwastooboring
tobeanyfun.EvenIdidn’twantthatkindofattention.

Withfocus,thegirlsmovedtowardtheotherendoftheroom.Someofthemdidglanceupattheboys

but for the most part we all ignored the hollering. I caught Nathan and Gabriel sitting on the ground in
theirassignedspots,bothofthemwatchingbutnotparticipating.Iwashappyaboutthat.

Theotherboysdidmanagetoquietdownafterwewereallsitting.Theboyswererushedintowhat

wouldbetheirwarmupexercises.Thegirls’coachwaiteduntiltheboysweredonebeforeshestarted
talking.Shespokeloudly,orderingustostandupandstretch.Shewalkedthroughourlinesasshegave
offcommands,gettingustodopushupsandsitupsandjumpingjacks.

Theboystookoutbasketballsandtheystartedplaying.Whenthegirlsweredone,weweretoldnext

weekwewouldstartwithtennis.Thisweeksinceweonlyhadonemoredayleft,theywouldjustletus
doourwarmupexercisesandwecouldtalktherestofthetime.

“Hey,” one of the girls said. She was tall, lean, with pixie styled brown hair and big brown eyes.

“Don’twegettoplaybasketball?”

Thecoachsmiledather.“Wanttoplay?”
Thegirlnodded.
Coachblewthewhistleatherneck,turningaround.“Okayboys,”shebarkedatthem.“Playhalfcourt.

Thegirlswanttoplay.”

Theboysgrunted.NathanandGabrielweretheonlytwowhoseemedtoperkupattheidea.
I stood up, not wanting to sit down since I’d been sitting all day. I was still sore and knew if I just

warmed up my muscles, they’d feel a little better. I joined the brown haired girl and three other girls
followed.Theothersstayedonthefloorsotheycouldtalk.

Since there were only five of us, we split up. I joined Karen, the tall one who had asked to play

basketballfirst,andtheotherthreewereontheotherteam.Karenwascompetitive.Shebarkedordersat
me and constantly asked for the ball. I didn’t mind. The action was getting me to stop thinking about
detentionthatafternoon.

“Oy,”Gabriel’svoicecalledfromtheothersideofthegym.Gabrielstoodwithhishandsonhiships,

watching us. Nathan stood beside him. “Let some of us join,” Gabriel said. “It’s too crowded on this
side.”

Karenheldthebasketball,rollingitinherhands.“Fine,”shesaid.

Fiveboysjoinedusonourside.GabrielflashedagrinatmeandNathanwasbeaming.Heseemedto

haveforgottenhewashurt.Maybehehadthesameideaaboutwarmingupmuscles,orhe’dtakensome
painkillersandwasfeelingbetter.

Thegirlsandtheguyssplitupsoitwasfiveoneachteam.Acoupleoftheotherboyskeptguarding

Karen since she was the tallest and clearly the best out of us. For the most part, the boys had the
advantage.Theothergirlswereaveragesizedandlikeme,simplyoutmatched.

Iwasn’ttallenoughtoattempttocoverGabrielorNathan.Itdidn’tseemtomatter.Bothhoveredover

memoreoftenthananyoneelse.Icouldn’ttouchtheballbeforetheymanagedtowrestleitawayfromme.

When the ball bounced out of bounds, Gabriel ran to fetch it. He caught it and dribbled it at the

boundary,tryingtofigureoutwhotopassitto.Anideafloatedintomymind.Iwaitedquietlyinfrontof
himasifIwastiredandwasn’tabouttoattempttotrytostophim.Hebouncedtheballacoupleoftimes
asKarenandtheothergirlsweredoingtheirbesttoguardeveryoneelse.HefocusedonNathan.

Whenheliftedtheballtopass,Ijumpedtolife,runningacrossinfrontofhimtosnatchitfromtheair.

Hiseyespoppedopeninsurpriseandheranafterme.TheotherswerepreoccupiedandIhadnooneto
tossitto.Inadesperatemove,Ispun,aimedforthebasketfrombeyondthethreepointlineandmadea
shot.Theballsankcleanlyintothenet.Itwaspureluck.

“Holyshit,”Gabrielsaid,lookingstunned.Helaughed,cameaftermeandhookedanarmaroundmy

waist,swingingmeofftheground.“Thatwasawesome.”

“Hey, boys,” called one of the female coaches. “Keep your hands off of my girls or I’ll give you

detention.”

Gabrielsmirkedandletmego,ahandremainedonmybackuntilmykneesstoppedshaking.
“That’sallittakes?”Nathancalledout.Hehadtheballinhishandsatthatmoment.Helaughed,tossed

theballrightatme.

Surprised,Itookitback,notunderstandingwhathemeant.Heracedacrossthecourtafterme.Ihalf

cried out, trying to run and dribble at the same time. I couldn’t get away from him. He hunched down,
grabbedmebymythighsandheftedmeupuntilIwassittingonhisshoulder.Hecarriedmethatwayuntil
IwascloseenoughtothebasketandIcoulddroptheballinsideeasilytoscore.

“Hey!”Thecoachcalled.ShepointedatNathan.“That’sit.Iwarnedyou.Detention.Putherdown.”
Nathan laughed, bending over and putting me down gently. He beamed. “I’ve got detention. I’ve got

detention,” he taunted at me, wiggling his fingers in the air. The silver brace on his right hand glinted
underthegymlights.

Ituckedahandtomyside,laughing.Gabrielwas,too.Theothersinthegroupstoodby,shakingtheir

headsandtryingtounderstandwhatwassofunny.

C

HANGE

O

F

P

LANS

A

fter gym was over, I changed quickly and waited in the hallway for the guys. Nathan and Gabriel

camearoundthecornerandIbreathedsomereliefthattheyweren’theldupbymoretauntingbullies.

Nathanbrandishedhisdetentionslip,beaming.
“Whatdowedo?”Iasked.“I’veneverbeenindetentionbefore.”
Gabrielsmirked.“Andyouassumewehave?”
Nathanreadhisslip.“Idon’tknow.Itdoesn’tsaywheretogo.”
“Let’sgotothemainoffice,”Gabrielsaid.“Someonethereshouldknow.TextKota.”
Nathanfishedouthisphoneaswewalkedagainsttheflowofstudents.Hesentamessagetoallthe

otherguysaboutwherewewereheaded.

Wecollectedoutsideofthemainoffice.Kotawasthelasttoarrive.Myheartstartedtothud.Iwould

missthebus.Mariewouldnotice.Whatnow?

KotaopenedthemainofficedoorandmotionedtoNorthandthentome.“We’llgoaskwhattodo,”he

said.“Therestofyoustayouthereuntilwefigureitout.”

Whiletheothersremainedinthehall,IfiledinbehindKotaandNorth.Westoodtogetherinthemain

officeastherewereacoupleofotherstudentsatthedesk.Theboysstoodsoclosetomeandtheyboth
had serious expressions on their faces. I wasn’t sure what they were expecting, but I wondered if they
werewaitingforMr.McCoyorMr.Hendrickstoappearatanymoment.

We waited until our turn to talk to the secretary, who informed us that detention was held in the

auditorium.“Ithinkyouallarethefirstthisyear.”

Welefttheofficeandtoldtheotherguys.Wemovedasagrouptofindtheauditorium.Whenwewere

halfwaydownthemainhallway,Irealizedtheguysweresurroundingme.KotaandNorthwalkedahead,
Gabriel and Nathan hovered close on either side of me, the other three trailed behind us. I was in the
middleagain.Ididn’tknowiftheyrealizedthey’ddoneit.Maybetheydid.Theyseemedtodoeverything
withpurpose.

Whenwegottotherighthallway,thedoorstotheauditoriumwerelocked.
“Doesthismeanwecangohome?”Gabrielasked.Hehookedanarmaroundmyneck,halfhangingoff

ofme.“Ifnooneshowsup,howwilltheyknowifwe’rehere?”

“Ithinkourbusisalreadygone,”Nathansaid.Heleanedagainstthemetaldoor,stuffinghishandsinto

hispockets.“Wecanwait.Ifwedon’tdoittoday,we’llenduphavingtodoittomorrowanyway.Idon’t
wanttodothistwiceifwedon’thaveto.”

Weallwatchedandwaitednexttothedoors.IwasstartingtostareoffatthewallwhenKotacleared

histhroat.Hetiltedhisheadtowardtheendofthehallwaytogetustolook.

Mr.BlackbourneandDr.Greenmarcheddowntowardus.Theguysstraightened.Gabrielletgoofme

tostandtall.Theothers,whiletheyweren’tsaluting,stoodstill,postureperfect.WhileIwasconfused,I
followedtheirexample,tryingtolookhumble.

Mr.Blackbournecontinuedtowalkpastus.Dr.Greenstoppedinmid-step,motioningwithhisheadat

us.“Let’sgo,”hesaid.

Ipushedafingertomylip,unsureifhemeantme.
Dr.Greencaughtmyhesitation.“You,too,MissSang,”hesaidcalmly.
What about detention? I glanced at Kota and the others, but their faces were all the same granite

expression. Now I regretted telling Mr. Blackbourne. Were they displeased that he knew? Wouldn’t he
havefoundoutanyway?

Wecollectedourthingsandfollowedthemoutside.Thetemperaturehadchangedfromuncomfortable

to broil, and the humidity was turned on maximum sweat guaranteed. We were led out to the old wood
benches at the abandoned baseball field. Mr. Blackbourne pointed at the seats and the others clustered
together on various levels of the benches and faced Mr. Blackbourne and Dr. Green. I slipped onto the
edgenexttoVictor,feelingtheheatradiatingthroughmyskirt.

Mr. Blackbourne crossed his arms over his chest, standing in front of us with that steely gaze. Dr.

Greenstoppedbesidehim.Dr.Greenputhishandsbehindhisbackandhisfacebecameunreadable.This
wasbusiness.

Mr.BlackbournestareddownKota.“Starttalking.”
“Mr.McCoyisolatedoutSang,”hesaid.“Weneededsomeonetogoinwithher.Ithinkotherwiseit

wouldhavebeenherandMcCoyalone.”

“It’s not the first time,” Silas spoke up. “He bumped into her the first day of school and started to

blameherforit.Hewantedtogiveherdetentionthen,too.”

Alloftheguysturnedtome.MyfacewasradiatingasIkeptmyfingeratmylip,pushingittomyteeth.

“Idon’tknowwhy,”Isaid.“I’vebeentryingtoavoidhimsincethestartofschool.”

“We’llhavetofigureoutwhylater,”Mr.Blackbournesaid.Hejabbedafingerintheairtowardtheir

faces.“We’vegototherthingstodo,andsofarSangistheonedoingyourjob.”

Theyhadajob?Whatweretheysupposedtodootherthanbegoodstudentsandsetanexampletothe

others? I was the worst example so far. Fighting. Detention on the first week! And I got all of them
involved.

“Gabriel, Luke, I need you two to work out a uniform. Victor, make the calls to find out who will

producesevenbytomorrowmorning.KotaandNathan,gotailMcCoyandseeifhe’sstillhere.Giveme
updates.NorthandSilas,you’rewithme.”HepointedatKota,andmadeamotionwithhishands.

Kotapulledafoldedpieceofpaperfromhispocket.ItlookedlikethenotesIhadwrittenthatmorning

aboutMr.McCoy’soffice.KotahandedthepaperofftoMr.Blackbourne.KotaandNathanlefttheirbags
andstartedsprintingtotheschoolagain.NorthandSilasfollowedMr.Blackbourneinthesamedirection.

IfoldedmyarmsaroundmykneesasIwatchedGabrielandLukemovingtogethertogetstarted.Victor

hadhisphoneoutandwasthumbingthroughit.Ifeltuseless.WeretheygoingtogowireMcCoynow?
Couldtheygetintotrouble?Thiswasn’tastudent,itwastheviceprincipal.

Plus,Mr.BlackbournehadtodealwithMr.Hendricks’demands.Withuniforms,they’dgetintomore

fights. What was I going to do? I didn’t know how to help or even if I should. It all felt like my fault.
MaybeifIwasn’tinthemiddle,Mr.Blackbournewouldhavestucktohisinsistencethattheguyscouldn’t
wearuniforms.

“MissSang,”Dr.Greencalledtome.Hewasstillstandingwherehehadbeeninfrontofthebenches.

“Wouldyouliketotakeawalkwithme?”

My eyebrows lifted. I glanced at Victor. He had the phone pressed to his ear but he nodded to me,

silentlyconfirmingwithmetodowhatIwastold.

IleftmythingsonthebenchandstumbleddowntoDr.Green.HesmiledpleasantlyandIfeltalittle

betterthatIwasbeingtoldtowalkwithhiminsteadofMr.Blackbourne.Westartedawayfromtheothers,

walkingaroundtherustedfenceofthebaseballfield.

Dr.Greenwasquietuntilwewereoutofearshotofftheothers.“I’msorry,”hesaid.“ItlookslikeI

mighthavemadeyouatarget.”

“Withtheviceprincipal?”Iasked.“Hewastheonethatstarteditatregistration.”
“Yes,” Dr. Green said. Locks of his sandy hair fell into his eyes and he brushed them away. “But

maybe if I hadn’t intervened, he might not have been so determined to come after you.” He dipped his
hands into his pockets. “What do you know about us, Miss Sang? I believe they’ve mentioned the
Academy,right?”

“It’saprivateschool,”Isaid.“Theynormallyattendthereandthisyearthey’reonloantotrytobean

example. If you can help improve the grades, there will be some approval for more money to build a
secondschool.”

“Right,”hesaid.Heunlatchedthegateofthebaseballfield.HehelditajarformeandIentered.He

closeditbehindhimselfandstrolledtowardthepitcher’smound.“AlthoughIthinkwe’llhavetomakea
changeofplans.Mr.Hendrickswasn’tveryhappythatwesteppedin.Hewouldneveradmitheneeded
us.Sincewe’rehere,though,Ibelievehehasdevelopedanewideaonhowtoutilizeus.”

“Andhewantsuniformstogetotherstudentstopickonthem?”Iasked.“Ithoughtthepointoftheboys

beingherewastotrytogetthegoodstudentstodobetter.Likesettinganexample?”

“That’spartofit,”hesaid.Hestumbledontothemound,drawingstillandstaringouttowardthetree

line.“Aquickwaytoboostgradesforschoolisfiguringouttheworststudentsandcatchingthemoutin
something to legally expel them. We didn’t like that idea. It’s only depositing bad students into other
schoolsorensuringtheydropoutaltogether.Itdisplacestheburdeninsteadofsolvinganything.”

“ButMr.Hendrickswantsquickresults?”
He nodded. “The original plan was to only observe and only report on the most dangerous students,

thosewhowereleadingfightsorabusingthegirls.IthinkHendrickswantstoperpetuatethefightingand
kickoutstudentswhoaregoingtobeproblemsassoonaspossible.Maybehefeelshecangetridofour
studentsfromhisschoolifwedoourjobfaster.Whateverthereasons,heseemsdeterminedtoexposeour
team.Firstitwasinterviews.Nowit’suniforms.”

Hewasgoingtoletmeinonthis?WashegoingtotellmemoreabouttheAcademy?Questionshungon

theedgeofmytonguetoask.“That’sterrible,”Isaid.Istoodofftothesideofthemound,feelingsmall.
“They’llgetintomorefights.”

Dr.Greensmileddownatme.“I’mnotreallyworriedaboutthat,”hesaid.“Theboyscantakecareof

themselves.Haven’tyounoticed?”

I turned my head to look back at Luke, Gabriel, and Victor on the benches. Luke gazed back at us.

Gabriel focused on his notebook paper. Victor was talking in his cell phone. The others hadn’t blinked
whentheyheardMr.Blackbournegivetheorder.Theyweren’tworriedaboutwhatuniformsmightmean
forthem,anddidn’thesitatetomakethosepreparations.Theyweren’tafraid.

“Isthatwhathappenedonthefirstday?”Iaskedhim.“DidNathangetinafighthere?”
Dr. Green’s eyes darkened. “Nathan barely managed to get a message to Victor before he was

overwhelmed.AsImentioned,ouroriginalplanwastohangonthesidelinesandseewhowasstarting
fights and figure out the worst offenders. Groups of students would lie, either for loyalty or self-
protection.Nathan wasn’t supposedto get involvedbut the fight startedover a boywho wasn’t able to
defendhimself.IfullybelieveNathansavedhislife.VictorneededtocreateadiversionsoNathancould
getoutfromunderit.”

Myheartstartedthudding.IhadavisionofNathan,asstrongashewas,beingkickedandbeatenupas

I’dseeninotherfightsatmyoldschool.HowmanykidswouldithavetakenforsomeonelikeNathan,

trainedinjujitsu,toneedhelp?

“Is this normal for the Academy?” I asked him. “Is this what you do? Drop in on other schools and

savethem?”

Dr.Greenlaughedsoftly.“Ifonlyitwerethatsimple.”Hesighed.“MissSang,Iwanttotellyouabout

itbut...”

“Youcan’ttellme,”Iinterrupted.“Iknow.”Isighed.Itwasastrangeschoolthatneededstudentslike

KotaandSilasandtheotherssowelltrainedandworkingtogether.Thatsecretschoolwithsilentninjas,
thatwiredstudentsandfaculty,andboughteachotherwhattheyneededwithoutquestion,andstoodupfor
eachother.

Howfardidthisgo?WouldIeverfigureitout?Ibitbackthequestionsinmymind.IhadpromisedI

wouldn’t try to ask too much about the Academy as no one could tell me. I would keep my promise. It
wouldtaketimetobetrustedwithsuchsecrets.

Hiseyeslitupagain.“Kotawasrightaboutyou.”
Itiltedmyheadathim.“Whatdidhesay?”
Dr.Greenslowlyreachedouttometocatchalockofmyhairthathadescapedmyclipandtuckedit

behindmyear.Iwaslookingintohiseyes,stillinawethatsomeonesoyoungwasadoctorandseemedto
beinsuchcontrolandsonice.“Hesaidthere’sthisbeautifulangelwhohasherheartonhersleeveand
wehavetokeephersafe.”

Mycheeksheatedup.WasthismoreoftheflirtingthatVictortoldmeaboutorwashebeinghonest?It

didn’tseemlikesomethingKotawouldsay.

“Idon’tthinktellingyouaboutyourownschoolwouldbeagainstourpolicy,”hesaid,droppinghis

handfrommycheek.“Besides,you’vebeenratherhelpful.Itseemsthefightsandgradesaren’touronly
priority.”

“DoyoumeanMcCoy?”
Henodded.“We’llinstallcamerasinMcCoy’sofficeandkeepaneyeonhim.Ifhe’sinterestedinyou,

hemightbeinterestedinotheryoungladies.Kotaseemstothinkthereisaproblem.Idon’twanttothink
so. I want to believe it is a rough first week and he’s just getting back at us for upsetting him at
registration.”

Iblewabreathoutslowly.“Whatdoyouneedmetodo?”
His smile touched his lips again. He tripped off the pitcher’s mound and tucked his arm around my

shoulders.Heturnedmearoundtowalkbacktothegateatthefence.“I’mafraidyou’renotgoingtolike
it.Ihatetoaskthis,butIneedyoutotestMr.McCoy.Ibelieveweneedtofigureoutforcertainifhis
interestisinyouorifhe’sjusttryingtoirritateus.”

“How?”Iasked.Ishovedmyfingersintomypalms,pressingmyknucklesagainstmythighs.Theboys

nowregularlywrappedtheirarmsaroundmyshouldersinthesamefriendlygesture.WithDr.Green,Ifelt
thatsameflutteringnervousnessaswhentheothersfirststartedtotouchme.Isteeledmyselffrompulling
away,wantingtoprovetomyselfthatIwasn’tasunconfidentasIfelt.

“Ithinkweneedtogetyoutointeractwithotherstudents.You’vebeenclosetotheboysbutweneed

toseeifMr.McCoywillloseinterestinyouifitlookslikeyou’velostinterestinus.”

“Youwantmetobackoff,”Isaidsoftly.“Allthetime?”
“Onlyduringschoolhours,”hesaid.Heletgoofmetoopenthegateagain.“Iknowyou’vesatnextto

Victorinclass.I’mgoingtoassumeyoudothesamewiththerestoftheguys.Forthemoment,trytovary
itup.Sitnexttootherstudents.Makesomenewfriends.Eatlunchwithsomeoneelse.”

Easiersaidthandone.“Forhowlong?”Itwasnervewrackingtothinkofbeingaloneagain.Hewas

probably right, though. I did need to make other friends if I wanted to be able to keep going to Ashley

WatersaftertheboysreturnedtotheAcademyfulltime.

Dr.Greenhesitatedwhilewewerestilloutofearshotoftheothers.GabrielandLukelookedlikethey

werearguingoversomething.Victorwasleaningbackonhiselbowsashegazedoutatus.

“Let’sgettheboystheseridiculousuniforms,”Dr.Greensaid.“It’llbesaferifyoustartedseparating

from them anyway. The other students might not have noticed how tight you all have become and they
won’tbeasquicktopinpointyouasoneofusifyouwon’tbewearingsomethingsimilar.”

“They’llbeokay,won’tthey?”Iasked,uncertain.HowcouldIstandbackandjustwatchasmyfriends

arepickedonandpossiblygettingintofights?

“Don’tworry,MissSang,”Dr.Greensaid.“Thisisacakewalk.They’remoreworriedaboutyouthan

themselves.”Hisgazesoftenedashelookeddownatme.“Willyoubeokay?”

Beingaloneinschool?Noproblem.OutofallthethingsIthoughtIshoulddotohelpwiththeboys,

becominginvisibleagainwassomethingIthoughtIcouldrealisticallyaccomplish.“I’vemadeitthisfar.”

Dr.Greenstartedforwardagain.“Ifyougetintotrouble,youshouldcomefindme.I’lldowhateverI

can.”

Myheartwarmedthathewouldsayso.Outofalltheboys,Dr.GreenandMr.Blackbournehadthe

leastknowledgeofwhoIwas.Theycouldhaveeasilydismissedmeandleftmeonmyown.Iwasmore
thansureMr.BlackbournecouldhavegottentheboysoutofdetentionandleftmealonewithMr.McCoy.
Hemightnothavesaidsooutloudbuthewaswatchingoutforme,too.

We approached the benches. I slid in next to Victor again. His concerned face relaxed when I drew

nearandheofferedasmallsmile.

“Victor,”Dr.Greensaid.“SangandIagreethatfornowitmightbebestifshetriestogoitalonewhile

youallaregettingsituatedwiththesenewuniforms.”

Victorfrowned.“Idon’tthinkthatshouldhappen.”
Gabriel and Luke turned their heads toward us and closed the space between us on benches. “Oy,”

Gabrielsaid.“Whatdoyoumean?”

Dr.Greenclearedhisthroat.“Shemightnotwearauniformbutifyouguysaretheonlyonesshehangs

outwith,theotherstudentswilltarget,too.Ithinkitmightbesaferifyoudon’tapproachherinschool
anymore.Fornow.”

Victor’sfireeyesscorched.“Shecan’tgooutalone.Haveyouseenthetroubleshe’sbeeninlately?”
“Didyoustoptoconsiderhalfofherproblemsarehowyouguysactaroundher?”heasked.Heturned

tome.“Whathappenedtoyouinyouroldschool,MissSang?”

Myfacewashotfromthesunandfromtheconversation.Ipushedapalmtomycheektorubgentlyat

thebruises.“Notalot,”Isaid.“Nooneevertalkedtome.”

Dr.Greentiltedhisheadatmeasifhewereconfused.Didhenotknow?DidKotanottellhim?“But

youdidn’tgetintothiskindoftrouble?”heasked.

“No,”Isaid.“Iwasignoredforthemostpart.”
“She’snotignoredhere,”Victorsaid.
“Maybe not totally. Healthy student interaction will be adequate to what most of you will be

experiencing.Ifthere’sfightsaroundyou,she’llbeinthemiddleofitifshe’srightnexttoyou.”

Theothersfrownedtogetherasifthisthoughtwasn’tconsideredbefore.
“WhataboutMcCoy?”Lukeasked.
Dr.Greenrubbedathisforehead.“Canyouguyskeepaneyeonherwithoutwalkingnexttoher?”
Theboyslookedateachother,silentlyaskingandfiguringouttheanswertogether.“Iguessso,”Victor

said.“Thehallwaysgetcrowdedbetweenclassesandshe’sprettysmall.It’llbemoredifficult.”

Dr.Green’sfingersathisforeheadstopped.“Ithinkwecanmakeiteasier.Canyoubringyourphone

tometomorrow?”heaskedme.“We’llprogramitsoyoucanreachusquickly.Ifsomethinghappensand
we’renotaround,pushabuttonandwe’llfindyou.”

Inodded.“Icandothat.”
Dr.Greensmiledinasatisfiedway.“Maybewe’llgetluckyandthingswillsettledownsoon.Ifthat

happens,Idon’tseeaproblemwithanyofyouhangingouttogetherinschool.”

Victor darted his fire eyes away, looking out in the distance. Gabriel’s lips were pursed, his crystal

eyes dark. Luke was frowning. None of them seemed happy with this solution, but they didn’t seem to
haveabetterone.

“Well, here’s what we’ve got for the uniforms,” Gabriel said. He flipped over his notebook until it

waspointedinourdirection.Therewereacoupleofstylesputtogetherinaquicksketch.Thedarkgray
pantsanddarkshoes,whiteshirtsandredtieswouldbequickenoughtolocateatthestore.Therewere
blazersinadarkblue.Inthecornerwasabadgewithwings,anAinthemiddle,withakeyandanarrow
belowit.“It’sprobablygenericbutlooksofficial,right?”

Theothersnodded.VictormadeacommentinthepositivethatIdidn’thearwell.
Isquintedatthebadge.“Isthataheart?”
Gabriel lifted his eyebrows, taking his notebook back to look over his work. “What do you mean?

Whatheart?”

“Letmesee,”Isaid.Heflippedthenotebookbackatme.ItookthepenfromhishandandIscratched

outtwosmallembellishmentstothebottomofhisAjusttoshowwhereIwasseeingtheheartat.

GabrielsmirkedwhenIshowedhim.“Wellhell,”hesaid.“Random.”
“Ahiddenheart,”Lukesaid.Helookedupatme,grinning.“Sangfoundit.”
Iblushed.GabrielreadenoughofmypoemandtoldLuke.Victorlookedconfused.Gabrielshothima

lookthatIunderstood.He’dtellhimaboutitlater.

Dr.Green’seyesfocusedonmesointentlythatIfelttheairescapemylungs.Heremainedquiet,andI

hadnoideahowtoaskhimiftherewassomethingwrongorifIdidsomethingsilly.MaybeIwasbeing
toodistracting.

Fromacrosstheschoolyard,Silas,North,Kota,andNathanappearedandheadedforus.
“We’redone,”Northsaid.Hehoppeduponthebenchnexttome,andleanedontheseatbehindhimto

propuponhiselbows.Theotherscollectedonthebenchesagain.

“Mr.Blackbourne’sintheofficenowfixingthedetentions,”Kotasaid.“He’sexplainingtoHendricks

thattheschoolboardwon’tliketoseedetentionsonourrecords.”

“WhataboutSang?”Victorasked.“Whataboutherrecord?”
Kotafrowned.“Wellwecan’taskspecialpermissionforherwithoutmakingitlooklikeshe’swithus,

right?Theyalreadyassumeshe’swithus.Wedon’twanttoswaytheirjudgement.”

So they were still not outright saying I wasn’t a part of their group. Why not? Wouldn’t that be the

fastestsolution?“Idon’tmind,”Isaid.“It’sjustonedetention.”

Dr.Greenmovedhishandsbehindhisback.“Okayguys,”hesaid.Hegloweredatusbuthiseyesheld

aglintofhumor.“Doyouthinkyou’velearnedyourlessonandwon’tmisbehaveinclassagain?”

Theyalldivertedtheireyestome.Ialmostchoked.“Ididn’t...Idon’t...Itoldyouguys...”
Theyalllaughed,includingDr.Green.“Soundsgoodtome,”hesaidandwinkedatme.“Timetogo

home. Do your homework. Eat your vegetables. Get some good sleep. I’ll go save Mr. Blackbourne
beforeheendsupwithdetentionfromMr.Hendricks.”

IbentovertocollectmythingsbutKotapickedupmyviolincaseandSilasheftedmybookbagonhis

back.Iswallowedmyprotest.Theystilldidn’tknowyetabouthowIneededtokeepmydistancewhileat
school.Forthemoment,sinceeveryonewasmostlygone,Isupposeditdidn’tmatter.Gabrielcaughtme

bythenecktotugmetowardtheparkinglot.IlookedbackatDr.Green,whowaswatchingafterus,that
samesoftandreassuringsmileonhislips.Itwaslikehedidn’texpectanythinglessofhisownstudents.

Howstrangeitfeltnow.Iwasn’tpartoftheAcademy,butIwaspartoftheirplan.Itamazedmehow

theotherscouldfocusonanythinglikeschoolworkwhentheyhadsomanyotherthingstoworryabout.
HowwouldIfocusonanothermathassignmentwithoutthinkingoftheboysgettingreadytogetintofights
andmyownneedtostayoutoftrouble?ItwashardenoughkeepinganeyeoutforMcCoy.

Atinglingsensationsweptthroughme.Thiswasmorethananotherdayathighschool.Iwaspartof

something so much bigger. Maybe what the Academy students did wasn’t what other students did. The
workwasimportant.Itexcitedme.MaybeIshouldhavebeenafraid.Maybeanyothergirlwouldhave
bowedoutratherthandealtwithameanviceprincipal.Maybemostgirlswouldhavegivenupandleft
theguysentirely.

MaybeIwasnevermeanttobenormal.

B

AIT

V

ictor,LukeandGabrielneededtoheadouttogetstartedontheuniforms,sotheyleftinVictor’scar

together. I followed the others to a black Jeep Wrangler parked in the lot. North fished keys out of his
pocket,hittingabuttontounlockthedoors.IwonderedwhereNorthgotsomanyvehicles.Maybeitwas
one of those necessities that the Academy provided. If so, why didn’t Nathan have a car? What about
Gabriel?OrdidtheyhavecarsandIhadn’tseenthoseyet?

Kotaandtheotherspiledourbagsintheback.Nathanheldopentherearsidedoor,steppingbackto

look at me. I slid into the middle, with Kota and Nathan beside me. North started the car and Silas sat
downinthepassengersidenexttohim.

“Wherearewegoing?”Northaskedashestartedtobackoutofhisspot.Insteadofusingtherearview

mirror,heputapalmonSilas’sseatandhalf-twistedtolookoutthebackwindow.Iduckedmyheadin
casehewashavingtroubleseeing.Hegrinnedbackatme.“Stopit,shortstuff,”hesaid.“IfIneedyouto
move,I’lltellyou.”

Nathanleanedagainstmeintheseatashepulledoffthelongsleeveshirthewasstillwearing.“Iam

done,”hesaid.“I’mgoinghomeforahotshowerandI’mgoingtosleep.”

“Doyourhomeworkfirst,”Northsaid.
Nathangrumbled.Hesatbackinhisseat,tossingtheshirtatthefloor.Hewrappedanarmaroundmy

shoulders.Mynosefilledwiththescentofcypress.Mycheeksstartedtoheatupagain.Diditmeanhe
likedme?Nooneelseseemedtonotice.Iwasn’tgoingtocomplain.

Kotawassittingsoclose,hislegwastouchingmine.Hepunchedsomethingintohisphone.“Firstwe

havetomakesureSangisn’tintrouble.”

“Agreed,” North said. He flicked his eyes to this rearview mirror as he pulled out into the lot. He

caughtmyeye.“Canyougointhebackdoororrooforwhat?”

“No roof,” Kota said. “Besides, it’s broad daylight. They might not notice you monkeys at night but

they’llforsureseeyounow.”

“Thesidedoorshouldbefine,”Isaid.“There’sachancenoone’snoticedI’vebeengone.Marieisthe

oneIhavetowatchoutfor.IfI’mluckyshewentofftoDanielle’srightafterschool.Ifthat’sthecase,I
think we’re good.” And if that wasn’t true, I’d end up on my knees or something similar again.
ManageableaslongassheneverfoundoutwhyIarrivedlate.

Northhitthebuttonsonthedashboardandturneduptheradiotosomerockmusic.“Justsaytheword,”

hesaid.HeglancedatSilas.“Youwantdroppedofffirst?”

“I’lltagalong,”Silassaid.
Now that we weren’t on a bus, the drive to Sunnyvale Court was much shorter. North pulled into

Kota’sdriveway.WhenNathanhoppedout,heheldthedooropenforme.Iclimbedoutandheshutthe
doorandstretched.“Wantmetowalkwithyou?”Nathanasked.

“Nathan,”Isaid.“Willyoupleasegohomeandsleep?Let’sjustgetthroughFridayandwe’llallrelax

thisweekend.”

“You’regettingasbadasKota,”hesaid.
“Hey,”Kotasaid,buthesmirkedashecrossedhisarmsoverhischest.
Nathanpulledhisbagoutofthebackandhobbleddowntheroadtohishouse.
“I’llwalkSanghome,”Silassaid.
“I’llgo,”Northsaid.
“We’re going inside and starting homework,” Kota said. “Sang goes home by herself. If her mom is

watchingoutforher,thelastthingsheneedsistoshowupwithsomeone.”Kotapickedupmyviolincase
forme.Iputmybookbagonandtookthecasefromhim.Hetuckedhisheadclosertomine.“Callifyou
can’tcomeout.Ifyoucanthough,runback.We’vegotstufftogoover.Bringyourhomework.”

“Yes,sir,”Isaid,offeringashortsalute.
SilasandNorthlaughedbehindhim.
Kotasmirked.Hestretchedhisarmsaroundme,huggingmetohim.“Becareful,willyou?”
Ihurrieduptheroad,steelingmyselfagainstwhatmightbewaitingforme.Imightneedtogograbmy

phoneandputitinmypocketbeforeIfacedoffdownstairs.IfIendeduponmykneesagain,I’dneedto
reachKotasohedidn’tworry.IcrossedmyfingersthatIhadn’tbeenmissed.

When I got home, I opened the side door quietly and stood in the doorway to listen. The house was

silent.Icreptupthebackstaircaseandpaddeddownthehallwaytomybedroom.

Mydoorwasopen.Ipausedinthehallway,listening.Therewasacreakofthefloorinmybedroom.I

quietlyslippedintothebathroomacrossthehalltohidemyself,closingthedoor.

Inside the bathroom, I dropped my things into the tub to hide them. I checked myself in the mirror,

rinsedmyfacewithwaterandpattedmycheeksdry.Ifitwasmymother,I’dhavetheexcusethatIwas
freshfromthebathroom.IfitwasMarie,Iwasn’tsurewhatwouldhappen.Iopenedthedoorandtriedto
appearnonplussed.

Isteppedacrossthehalltopeekthroughmyopendooratanangle.Mariewasinthere,herheadand

shouldersleaningintomycloset.

“Needsomething?”Iasked,tryingtosoundcasual.Iwantedtobepeevedthatshewasdiggingthrough

mythingsbutthereweremoreimportantthingstoworryaboutatthemoment.

Mariehalfjumpedbutwhenshespottedme,shefrowned.“Wherehaveyoubeen?”
“AteacherheldmebackinclasssolongthatImissedthebus.”Technicallythiswastrue.
Marieraisedaneyebrow.“It’slikefivemilesaway.”
“Yes.”IrealizedIleftherwiththeimpressionI’dwalkedhomebutIdidn’thaveanotheranswerthat

wasbetter.Iwasgettingasbadastheguys,likehowtheyletHendricksandMcCoythinkIwasfromthe
Academy.Wasthateasieronthemordidtheyhaveanotherreasontoholdbackthetruth?

Marieseemedtoconsiderthis.“Iwaslookingforclothes.Minearealldirty.”
“There’sawashingmachinedownstairs.”
“There’sthisoneshirtIwaslookingfor,”shesaid.“Agreenonewithbuttons.”
Ithoughtaboutit.“Thatoldthing?It’sinmytrunk.Itdoesn’tfitmeanymore.”
Marieturnedfromtheclosetandheadedtomytrunk.Iwentbacktothebathroomtograbmythings.

She might have believed me about the walk home, but I couldn’t leave if she was still lingering in my
room.

Ireturnedtodropmybookbagandtheviolincaseonmybedwhileshespilledclothesoutofthetrunk,

fingeringaroundtheclothesfortheoneshewanted.Shepulledthegreenshirtoutandhelditup.Shebent
over to strip her t-shirt off in front of me. I turned, avoiding watching to give her some semblance of
privacyevenifshedisregardedmodestyaroundme.Sheslippedonthegreenshirt.Thehemgrazedher

bellybuttonandthesleevesweretightathershoulders.

“Itdoesn’tfit,”Isaid.Inotedthemesssheleftonthefloorbutdidn’tsayanything.Itwasn’tthetime

forthatfight.

“Itdoes,”shesaid.Shesmoothedoutthefabricandstoodup.“Areyougoingtothatboy’shouse?”
Iblinkedather.Thatwasanopeninglinefornegotiation.Shewantedsomethingsoshewasgoingto

seeifIwaswillingtoplayalong.“WereyougoingtoDanielle’s?”

Shenodded.Herbrowneyesnarrowedatme.“Mom’spassedoutstill,”shesaid.“I’vebeenwaiting

foryoutoshowup.Ifwe’regoingtogoout,weneedasystem.”

“Iagree.”Thiswasperfect.Thiswaswhatwe’veneededtogoover.
“Makesurethesidedoorandthebackdoorbytheporchareunlockedallthetime,”shesaid.“Dad

locksitatnight.Checkmyroom.IfI’mnotbackatnight,unlockitwhenhe’sclear.I’mthinkingImight
spendtheweekendoverthere.”

Theentireweekend?Shewascrazy.EvenIknewbetter.“Youshouldshowuponoccasion,”Isaid.“If

youpopinandcheckonher,she’slesslikelytocallafteryouduringtheday.Doitonceandyoushould
be good for the night.” I thought about mentioning the roof but I didn’t want to reveal that just now.
Besides, unless someone was helping her, she might fall off. “Is there a house key somewhere around
here?”

“Momkeepsoneinhersidetabledrawer.”
Inodded,kickingmysandalsoffandputtingthemaside.“I’mgoingtogetit.I’llmakeacopy.Doyou

haveanymoney?”

Marie fished in her pocket and pulled out a ten dollar bill and slowly handed it off. “How are you

makingacopy?”

“I think I can ask Kota to make one. It’ll be missing for the day. Cross your fingers that she won’t

notice,”Isaid.Itookthemoneyfromher,knowingthislittleamountwasprobablyeverythingshehad.We
rarelygotmoney.Howwouldwespenditsincewedidn’tgoanywhere?“I’llseeifIcangettwoandI’ll
bringyoubackchange.Ifnot,it’llbejustoneandwe’llhideitinthegarageorsomething.”

Marienodded.
Itiltedmyheadtowardthehallway.“Getoutthedoor.I’llgiveyouaheadstartbeforeIgotomom’s

room.IfIwakeheruponaccident,I’lltellherIsawyougoingforawalkorsomething.”

Marieslippedoffdownthehallwayandtothebackstairs.IwaiteduntilIheardthesidedoorshut.

Negotiationswereover.AslongasMariedidn’tgetcaughtatanything,shedidn’thaveareasontotattle
onme.However,evenwithaplanforacopyofakeyandanewalliance,IknewIhadtobeextracareful
now.Ifshegotcaught,shehadmoreevidenceonmyparttotakemedownwithher.

Iquietedmythoughtstofocus,listeningtotheemptyhouse.IprobablyshouldhavesentatexttoKota

butIwantedtogetthatkeyandgetoutquickly.Igrabbedthephone,stuffingitintothecupofmybra.I
wasgoingtotakeabigrisk.Forprisonerslikeus,akeywouldbelikegold.

Iusedthebackstairs,takingthelongwayacrossthehouse.IslippedpastthekitchenandassoonasI

knew I was within earshot of my parents’ bedroom, I started to creep along the edge of the hallway.
Outsideheropendoor,Ipeeredin.

Shewasonherback,hermouthhangingopen.Herhairwasmattedinthelowponytailatherneck.She

breathedsteadily.Hertelevisionwasoff.Thiswouldbetrickier.Ihadnocovernoisetomaskmenow.

Istartedbygettingonmykneesandcrawlingtothefootofherbed.ItwasaslowprocessasIdidn’t

knowherfloorwellenoughtoknowwhereitcreaked.Itouchedthesurfaceofthebeigecarpetwithmy
palm,puttingpressureonit.Whenitfeltlikeitwouldn’tmakeanoise,Istretchedafootouttoplacenext
tomypalm,inacrabwalkmotion.Atthefootofherbed,Istretchedouttoseearoundtheedge.

Her nightstand drawer was closed. The top of it was covered in orange prescription bottles, a

collection of bottled water, and random notes she wrote to herself about doctor appointments. I
swallowedandlistenedtoherbreathing.Icountedofftothreeinmyheadtopressuremyselfintomoving.
Icrawledcloser,duckingmyheadlowandpressingmyselfagainstthesideofthebedandoutofviewas
muchaspossible.

WhenIwascloseenough,IsituatedmyselfonmybacksoIcouldlookattheunderneathofthedrawer.

Drawer opening was complicated. There were only rare occasions that I ever needed to sneak into my
parents’bedroomforthingswhiletheywerethere.UsuallyitwasanyformofmoneymysisterandIcould
getourhandsonthatwasmeantforschoolandourparentshadtoldusno.MostofthetimeitwasMarie
that needed it and I went to fetch it. I was punished often in the past because I got caught at something
similar.IknewiftheyfoundoutIwascollectingahousekey,therewouldn’tbeanexcuseIcouldmake
up.TheywouldknowforcertainIwouldbeusingittosneakoutofthehouseatlatehours.Itwouldbe
unacceptable.

Onmyback,Icouldlookupatthedrawer.Iusedmypalmstopressgentlyoneitherside.Iwaited,

listenedformymom’sbreathingandtriedslidingitout.

Theslipofwoodagainstwoodsqueakedthroughthesilence.Ifroze,holdingmybreath.
Whennothinghappened,Itriedagain.Itwasatrickybalancingact.Icouldn’tletthewoodrestonthe

railofthedrawertopullitoutandIcouldn’tlifttoohightoallowthewoodtoscrapeagainstthetopof
thetable.ThistimeIdiditslowly,andwhilemyhandsshook,Imanagedtohalfopenthedrawerwithout
anothersound.

Iwantedtosigh,buthelditintokeepthesoundminimal.Islippedoutfromunderthedrawerandgot

onmyknees.Myeyesfellonmymom’sfaceandherclosedeyes.Iwishedshewasbreathinglouderor
evensnoringrightnow.Snoringwasgood.Itmeantadeepersleep.

The open drawer was in shadow, and at first there wasn’t a sign of a key, only more orange

prescriptionbottlesandapacketoftissuesandoldbatteries.Icursedtomyself,wonderingifMariemight
havebeenmistakenandtheremightnothavebeenakeyhereatall.

I started emptying the contents. It was always better to lift than to move things over. If I had been

lookingforprescriptionpills,Iwouldhavehadaneasiertime.TheemptyonesIcouldeasilyplaceonthe
carpet.Theoneswithpillsstillinsiderequiredslowmovementsandcarefulplacement.

Theprocesswastedious.Afterthesixteenthbottle,IwasabouttogiveupandputitallbackwhenI

spottedtheedgeofteethbelongingtoasilverhousekeyclosertotheback.Iwouldhavetoemptyouther
entiredrawertogettoit.

Somethingcreakedinthehouseandtherewaswhooshoftheairconditionerstartingup.Itspookedme

sobadlythatInearlydroppedthehalffullbottleofpillsIwasholding.Igraspedthebottleinmyhands,
tryingtodeadenthesoundandheldmybreath.

Mymotherdidn’tstir.Withthenoisefromtheairconditioner,Icouldn’thearherbreathingbutIcaught

thewayherchestmoved,slightbutsteady.

Iknewtheairconditionerranforacoupleofminutesbeforeshuttingoffagain.Itookadvantageofthe

extrawhitenoiseandquicklypulledoutenoughbottlesthatIcouldeasemyhandinandpickupthekey.I
slippedthekeybetweenmylips,tastingthesharpmetalonmytongue.Imanagedtogetallthebottlesin
andgetonmybackagaintoclosethedrawerbeforetheairconditionershutoff.

Icrawledback.Inmyhurrytoescape,Iaccidentallysteppedinaspotthatsqueaked.Ifroze,bending

downonthefloorfartherandoutofsightfromtheheadofthebed.

Mymotherstirred.MyheartthumpedwildlyandIheldmybreathagain,hopingshewasjustturning

over.

“Sang,”mymothercalledout.“Sang!”
Ipaused,countingofftheamountofsecondsIsuspecteditwouldtakemetocomedownthestairsif

shecalledforme.Iblewoutaslowbreath,forcingmyselftocalmandIstoodupquickly,takingalarge
leapbackwardsoIwasclosertothedoor.

Mymotherwasonherbackwithhereyesclosed.Ipushedapalmtomychest.Iclaspedthekeyinmy

otherhand,tuckingitbehindmyback.“Yes?”Isaidsoftly.Iwashopingshehadfallenasleepagain.

Mymother’seyelidsdraggedup.Sheeyesfocusedonme.“Isyoursisterhome?”
“Yes,”Isaid.
“Isyourroomclean?”
Itriedtohidemysmile.“Almost.”
“Don’tleaveyourroomuntilit’sdone.”
Iranfromherbedroom,andupthefrontstairs.IdumpedbooksfrommybagIdidn’tneed,recollected

theonesIhadhomeworkforandreplacedmybagonmyshoulders.Iwasshakingbutmymotherdidn’t
calloutagainforMarieorforanythingelse.

IslippedoutthebackdoorandsprintedforKota’s.

IhitthedoorbellatthedoorinsideKota’sgarage.IstoodbacktowaitandwassurprisedtoseeSilas

answer.Hisbroadsmilelitupashesawme.

“Hey,”hesaid.“Youmadeit.”
Inodded,smilingbacktosuppressmynervousness.Iwassohappytoseehim,eventhoughI’dseen

himlessthananhourago.Aftersneakingaroundmymother’sroomandalmostgettingcaught,Iwason
edge.

He stepped out of the way so I could get in. He closed the door and nudged me toward Kota’s

bedroom.Ithuddedmywayupthestairsandhefollowed,closingKota’sdoorbehindusandhittingthe
lock.

Atthetopofthestairs,Kotalookedoverfromhisdesk.Heflashedasmileatme.Northappearedhalf

asleeponKota’sbed,thepillowstuffedbetweenhisarmandhisforehead.Ifeltawashofcomfortbeing
inthecozysecurityofthisbedroom.Thegravedifferencebetweenmyparents’house,whereIwalkedon
eggshellsandkeptsecretdiariesincodeanddidn’tseemyfamilyforlongperiodsoftime,comparedto
Kota,Northandtheothersmademyhearttrip.Whycouldn’tIfeelthissafeandwantedallthetime?

“Iwasworriedsomethinghappened,”Kotasaid.Hepushedhisglassesuphisnose.
“Got caught up,” I said. I dropped my bag and pulled the key from its side pocket. “Do you know

whereIcangetakeymade?”

Northhalfyawnedandturned,holdingoutahandoutforit.“What’sitfor?”
Icrossedtheroomandplaceditinhispalm.“It’sthehousekey.”IpulledoutthetenthatMariegave

meandheldittohim.“Mariewantsacopy.Ishouldgetone,too.Ididn’twanttotellherabouttheroof
thing.”

Silaschuckedbehindme.“She’sgettingasbadasyou.”
IheldoutthetenforNorthbuthewavedmeoff,shovingthekeyintohispocket.“Whendoyouneedit

back?”heasked.

“Itcanwaitovernight,”Isaid.Icrumpledthetendollarsathimandtosseditathischest.“Andyou’re

notmakingkeysoutofthinairsoIknowit’llcostsomethingtomake.”

Hecaughtthebillandthentosseditbackatmyhead.“Hangontoit.Youmightneeditlater.Icanget

yousomedamnkeys.”

ImusteredupaglareforhimandNorthgloweredrightback.Mybloodpumpedinmyveins.Theyhad

no idea what I had to go through to get that key and I was feeling clever and alive and in no need for
charity.Northwasunrelenting

Silasgrabbedmyshoulders,pullingmebackintohim.“Easy,aggele

mou,”hesaid.

Isighed,stuffingthemoneyintomypalm.
“Wasthispartofthenegotiations?”Kotaaskedme.
Inodded,pullingawayfromSilastokneelonthefloor.“Aslongasshedoesn’tslipupandgetinto

trouble,itshouldbefine.Todaywasn’taproblemunlesstheschoolendsupcalling.”

“IthinkMr.Blackbournetookcareofthat,”Kotasaid.
CouldMr.BlackbournedothatformewithoutgettingattentionfromMr.HendricksorMr.McCoy?
Silassatcrossleggedonthefloornexttomeandleanedbackonhishands.“Whatnow?”
Kotatouchedafingertothebridgeofhisglasses.“UnlesswehearfromVictorortheothers,weget

readyforFriday.”

Silasnudgedmyarm.“Areyougoingtomakesomethingfortomorrowforlunch?”
Isuckedinabreath,realizingtheydidn’tknowDr.Green’splanyet.“Icanmakesomething,”Isaid.

“ButIwon’tbearoundatlunchtime.Dr.Greenwantsmetobackofffromhangingaroundyouguyson
campus.”

North’seyespoppedopen.“What?”
I swallowed, glancing at Kota’s curious face and over at Silas’s. “Dr. Green wants to see if Mr.

McCoyisgoingtocomeaftermeifI’malone.”

“Nofuckingway,”Northsaid.HeglaredatKota.“Hecan’taskherthat.”
Kotafrowned.Hedrewawayfromhiscomputerdesktocomesitontheflooracrossfromme.“What

didhesayexactly?”

Silas’shandtracedmyback,warmingmeandsupportive.“Hehadtohaveareason,”hesaid.
Inodded.“Afewthings.HewantstodrawoutMcCoyandseeifhe’sinterestedinjusttryingtooneup

me because of what happened at registration or if this was a thing against you guys because he doesn’t
likeyoubeingthereorsomethingelse.IfI’mnothangingoutwithyouguys,maybeMcCoymightbackoff
ifhethinksI’mnotasclosetoyouallashethought.”

North’sdarkeyesflaredbutpressedhislipstogether.
Kotanoddedtome.“Whatelse?”heasked.
“There’sthethingabouttheuniforms,”Isaid.“Hewantsanadjustmentperiod.IfI’mwalkingnextto

youallthetime,otherstudentsaregoingtoassumeI’mpartofthesamethingandI’llbeanothertarget.He
wantsmetobackoffuntilthingssettledownandthestudentsgetusedtothem.”

“Hewantsheroutofthewaysowecandoourjob,”Northgrumbled.Hefellbackontothebedand

rubbedapalmagainsthiseye.“Christ,she’sbeenthetargetallweekandhewantsustobackoff.”

“Idon’tthinkthat’swhathemeant,”Kotasaid.
“Fuckthatshit,”Northbarkedathim.Hesatup,swinginghislegsovertoputhisfeetonthecarpet.

“He’sfuckingusingherasbait.”

Myheartthudded.Thiswasn’tthereactionIwasexpecting.Victorandtheothersseemedbetterableto

handleit.MaybeIshouldhavemadeDr.Greenexplainittothem.

Silas kept a quiet hand on my back, rubbing gently between my shoulder blades. I sensed he was

waitingforNorthandKotatomakeadecision.

“She’snotbait,”Kotasaid.“We’llbethere.Shecanbenearbywithoutitlookinglikeshe’srightnext

tous.We’resupposedtobethetargets,nother,remember?”

“You’ve seen those monsters,” North said. “She can’t walk a few dozen feet away from us before

they’reonher.It’seitherMikeproposingtoher,orthatviceprincipal,orfuckingGregfeelingherupin

thehallway.”

Kota’seyesbulgedopen.“Greg?”Hefiredoffalookatme.“MallGreg?Hegoestothisschool?”
Ipushedafingertomylowerlipandnodded.
Silasgrunted.
Kotafellbackontohisbutt.Heputhiskneesup,pressinghiselbowsagainsthisknees.Hetookhis

glassesoff,placingthemuponhisheadandpressedbothpalmstohiseyes.“Whydidn’tanyonetellus?”

“There’s a lot going on,” North said, seeming calmer now that everyone else was realizing the full

impacthewastryingtostress.Hepulledfromhispocketfoldednotesandtossedthematusonthefloor.
“Idon’tknowwhatitis,butthey’reallcrazyforher.You’dthinkshewastheonlygirlatthisschool.I
thinktheonlythingholdingthembackfromSangisus.Ifwebackoff,there’snotellingwhatthey’lldo.”

“MaybeDr.Greenisrightthough,”Isaid.“Maybeit’slikeHendricksthinkingI’mwithyourgroup.

Theothersareonlyinterestedinmebecauseofyouall.Dr.GreenwantedtosetmyphoneupsoIcould
reachyouquicklyifIneed,anditwon’tbeforforever.It’sjustuntiltheycheckoutMcCoyandmakesure
youguysaren’tgettingintofightsoveruniforms.”

“Shemightberight,”Silassaid.“McCoy’shotforherrightnowbutitmightbebecausehethinksshe’s

the one that Blackbourne let slip in with us. If she can separate herself from us, they might turn their
attentiondirectlyonusinsteadofher.”

“I’mnotleavingheralone,”Northsaid.
“Ididn’tsayleaveheralone,”Silasreplied.“We’restillallinthesameclasses.Icankeepaneyeon

herfromacrosstheclassroomandwalkbehindherforafewweeks.We’restillrightthereifsomething
happens.”

“Whatwerewegoingtodoifsomethingdidhappenandshe’saround?Thatlastfightstartedwithus.

Whataboutthenextone?”Kotaasked.Hepulledhimselftogether,puttinghisglassesbackon.Theserene
calmnessofKotawasback.“Dr.Greenisright.Arewegoingtobethehuntedorthehunters?Weneedto
focusonpayingattentiontothestudents.Mikeseemsharmlessenoughandthenotes...wellshecanignore
those.”

Northfrowned.“I’mworriedabouttheattentionshe’llgetwhenotherstudentsrealizewe’renolonger

watchingoverher.Whatifwegetcaughtupandshe’salone?”

“We’ll train her,” Silas said. He gazed down at me, his hand drifted up and held steady at my neck.

“I’vebeenmeaningtodothat,anyway.”

Mycheeksheatedathisdarkeyesfullofconcern.
“That’llwork,”Kotasaid,nodding.Heglancedatme.“Canyoumakeitoutthisweekend?”
“Icantry.”
“We’lltaketimeforsomeself-defenselessons,”Kotasaid.“We’vegotabusyweekend.”
I fingered the folded notes on the ground. Some had my name spelled wrong. What could anyone

possibly want with me? Right now, it seemed so trivial. I was with a group who were about to put
themselvesinoneoftheworstpossiblepositionssotheycouldsavethestudentsthatgotpickedonand
beaten up. They were working together to make the school safer. What were these other boys doing?
Hidingbehindapieceofpaper.

MaybeovertheyearsIwouldhavegladlyacceptedsuchattentionbutwiththeAcademychangingmy

life, notes seemed so weak. I collected the notes and clutched them in my hands, crumpling the papers
betweenmyfingers.IpassedthemofftoKotadismissively.ImayhavebeenshyandIcouldunderstand
where the writers were coming from, but I didn’t have time right now to play that game. “Maybe we
shouldgethomeworkoutoftheway,”Isaid.

Kotatookthenotesandtossedthemintothetrash.North’seyeslitup.Silas’shandwrappedslightlyat

myneckandhepulledmeclosetowhisperinmyear,“Goodgirl.”

F

RIDAY

A

LONE

IdreamedIwasinabuilding,urgingothersaroundmetorun.Therewasabombabouttoblowthat

wouldinjureeveryone.Noonelistened.Theexplosivedetonated.

T

healarmwokemefromadeadsleepthenextmorning.Istumbledaroundhalfawaketogetready.

Mymuscleswerestiff.IthoughtIwassoreratthatmomentthanIhadbeenthedaybefore.Itwastempting
tofallbackintobed,butIforcedmyselftogetup.Again,itwasthethoughtoftheguysneedingmyhelp
todaythatgotmemoving.

IpickedoutamodestgrayA-lineskirtandIputonLuke’sbluebuttonupshirtthatIhadwashed.IfI

was going to be alone today, I wanted to at least wear something that belonged to the boys. It felt
importanttome.Imadesuretouseacliptoputmyhairupandoutofmyface.Ididn’tneedtostandout
withmyhairdowntoday.

I pulled out a text book I knew we wouldn’t need today for class and some paperwork that I didn’t

needanymore,lesseningtheload.Ileftthebundleonthebed.MyroomwasstillamessfromMarie’s
meddlingtheotherdaybutIpromisedmyselfI’dcleanitlaterwhenIgotthechance.IwantedFridayto
endquickly,ascomfortably,andaseasilyaspossible.

I started out into the hallway at the same time Marie did. She wore her usual t-shirt and jeans. Her

bookbaglookedlikeitcarriedonlyacoupleoftextbookscomparedtomyveryfullbag.

“Areyoustillgoingto...um,thisweekend?”Iasked,tryingtokeepmyvoicedown.WhenIgotinlast

night, my mother was still dead asleep but that didn’t mean she would stay that way. She could be
listeningtoourconversation.

Marienodded.“Doyouhavethekey?”
“Comefindmeatlunch,”Isaid.“Orwaituntilwe’reonthebusthisafternoon.You’llhaveitthen.”I

pulledoutthetendollarsthatIhadkeptforherandhandeditover.“They’retakingcareofit.Keepthe
money.”

Sheseemedrelieved.Shepocketedthebill.“You’llbeatthatboy’shouse?”
“Ishouldbe,”Isaid.“I’lltrytopopinhere.Don’tforgettoshowupeveryonceinawhile.”
Shegavemeadismissivenodandheadeddownthestairs.Icouldn’tmakehertakemysuggestionsand

I had a feeling if she didn’t find it opportunistic, she’d probably ignore it altogether. It was her risk to
take.Wewerebothtakingbigrisksatthemomentandmaybewehadgottentoousedtogettingputonour
kneesorsittingonhardstoolsforhoursonendforthingsasridiculousasaboycomingtothedoorand
asking to play or for a bad grade on a test. What could be worse? Take the punishment and move on.
That’s all we could do. Even with kneeling in rice, even with the lemon and vinegar and that I had
experiencedandshehadn’tyet,itwasstillverymuchapossibilitywecouldbothhavethathappentous
again.

Ithoughttheguyswereworthit.
We walked the distance to Kota’s house. Marie immediately went to stand on the other side of the

driveway.

KotaandNathanweretherewaitingforme.Theyworematchingdarkgraytrousers,whitebuttonup

shirtsandtheblueblazers,almostidenticaltothesketchesthatGabrielandLukeputtogether.Nathan’s
shirt was unbuttoned all the way, revealing the white t-shirt underneath. Kota wore a red tie, shirt
buttonedformally.Evenwearingthesamethings,theystillvariedslightlytotheirpersonality.

Thesightofthemhadmefeelingbetter.IthadbeenthelongestweekofschoolIhadeverhadtodeal

withandIamsuretheyfeltthesameafterthecrazinessthathappened.NowonderGabrielandtheothers
seemed to miss the Academy so much. I couldn’t imagine doing this all year when something so much
betterwaitedforme.

“Readyforthis?”NathanaskedasIapproached.Hestuffedhishandsintothepocketsofhisslacks.He

lookedalittlebettertoday.Whilehestillhadbruises,hiseyeswerealertandhestoodstraighter.

Inodded,droppingmybagandviolinonthegroundatmyfeet.“Let’shopetodayisquiet.”
“Didyoubringyourphone?”Kotaasked.
IglancedoveratMarie,whowasturnedawayandlookingatDanielleandDerrickcomingdownthe

road.Nathancaughtmygazeandhesteppedinthewaytoprovideabarrier.Ireachedintomybagforthe
phone,showingittoKota.

“Youdon’thaveapocket?”Kotaasked.“Youshouldkeepitclose.”
Ididn’tthinkaboutthat.Ipursedmylipsandthenslippedthephoneintothecupofmybraagainstmy

heart.IwasblushingasIdidit,asitfeltalmostlikeIwasexposingsomethingofmyselfeventhoughthey
couldn’tseeanything.Whenitwasinplace,itwasunnoticeable.

“Holyshit,”Nathansaidashewatchedthephonedisappear.“Weneed...nowait,Ididn’tsaythat.”
Kotalaughed.Hereachedouttometoplopapalmonmyheadandrub.“Girlsdohaveafewtricks.”
Thepatchonthepocketoftheblazercaughtmyeye.IsmoothedmyfingersoverKota’spatch.Thetwo

marksIhadmadeonGabriel’ssketchwereinplace.Itracedmyfingeroverit.

Kota’seyessoughtoutmine.“What?”heasked.
“Thehiddenheart,”Isaid.“Hekeptit.”
Hebeamed.“Yeah.”
“It’snottoogirly?”Iasked.IshiftedmyeyesbetweenKotaandNathan.
Nathanshookhishead.“Don’treallycarewhatanyoneelsethinks.”
Myheartcontinuedtomelt.“Canwestillsitonthebustogether?”Iasked.
Kota nodded. “It should be okay. We’ll let you get off the bus first, though. We’ll follow you to Dr.

Green’sofficeandwillwaitinthehall.”

Thebusappearedaroundthebend.IpickedupmybookbagandKotasnatchedupmyviolinforme.I

shothimalookbuthedidn’tseemtonotice.Maybethishadbecomeanewhabit.Myheartwarmedatthe
thoughtofit.

On the bus, I slid in next to Kota and his arm went around me. Nathan fell in next to me, his palm

seekingoutminetohold.I’dgrownaccustomedtotheirtouchesthisweek,theydiditsooften.Thisfelt
different,almostdefiant.

Kota’sfingersclutchedmyshoulder.Nathan’spalmwarmedmine.Theywereonthisbusbecauseof

me.Mariewouldn’tdothesameifshehadanotheropportunitytogettoschool.TheboysandIwerea
team.IwantedtofeelitstrongerthanIdid,thatIwasreallyapartofthem.Maybeovertime,I’dacceptit
aseasilyastheyseemedtodowitheachothereveryday.

Idreadedgettingtotheschool.ItmeanttheywouldhavetopullawayandIwouldbewithoutthemfor

an entire day, at a place where I was supposed to be able to have free access to them without the
overhangingfearofmymother’swrath.NowthatIknewhowwarmingandaddictingtouchingcouldbe,I

regrettedagreeingtoDr.Green’splansoquickly.

Whenthebuspulledintotheschoollot,wewaiteduntilmostofthekidshadgottenoffthebus.Nathan

backedupsoIcouldgetout.ThistimeIdidtakemyviolincaseandmybookbag.Offofthebus,Istarted
out alone. I sensed Nathan and Kota behind me, at a distance but still within eyesight. Hunters and the
hunted.

Thehallwaysbuzzedsoftlywithactivity.Themajorityofstudentshadn’tarrivedyet.Iheadedstraight

tothemainoffice.Thesecretaryatthedeskgavemeaneyeball,confusedastowhyI’dentered.Iasked
the secretary at the desk for Dr. Green’s office as I didn’t want to assume I could go beyond the doors
withoutpermission.Itookherdirectionsandwentdownahallwayandknockedattheclosed,unmarked
door.

ThedooropenedandMr.Blackbourne’sfaceappearedinthedoorway.Hissteeleyeslookedoverme

onceandheopenedthedoorwiderformetoenter.WhenIwasinside,heclosedthedoorandturnedto
me.

“MissSorenson,”hesaid,noddingtomeingreeting.
“Mr.Blackbourne,”Ireplied.
Dr.Greenwasathisdesk.Hiseyeslitupatseeingme.“Goodmorning,”hesaid.“Didyoubringyour

phone?”

My face started to heat up when I realized I should probably have taken it out of my bra before I

entered.Unabletofindareasontoleaveandcomeback,Iputdownmythingsbytheedgeofhisdeskand
reachedinforitquickly,holdingitouttohim.

Mr.Blackbourne’seyesnarrowedforamomentatme.“Couldyoufindamoreinconspicuousplaceto

putit?”

“Ineededonethatwasclosebywithoutbeingobvious,”Isaidquietly.“Ishouldonlyneeditforan

emergency.Iwon’tuseitotherwise.”

Hisfacesoftened.Heseemedpleasedwiththis.
Dr.Greenpulledalaptopfromhisbagandhehookedituptomyphone.Aloadingbarpoppedupon

thelaptopscreen.“Givethisaminute,”hesaid.

Istooduncomfortablyintheiroffice,unsureofwhattosay.IwishedKotaoroneoftheotherswere

theretointervene.

Mr.Blackbourneleanedagainsthisdesk,hisarmsfoldedacrosshischest.Hegazeddownatme.“I

understandyou’llbeseparatingyourselffromtheboystoday,”hesaid.

Inodded.“I’lldowhatneedstobedone.”
“IfPrincipalHendricksorMr.McCoytalkstoyou,haveallquestionsredirectedtome.”Henoddedto

Dr.Greenandthephonehewasholding.“You’llbegettingournumbers.Iexpectacalliftheyapproach
youatanytime.Trytorememberexactlywhattheyaskyou.I’llwanttoknoweverything.”

“Iunderstand.”
“Andcomefindmeifsomeofthestudentsarebeingalittletoounkind,”Dr.Greensaid.Heunplugged

myphoneandpushedabuttononthetouchscreen.HecurledafingeratmetoindicatethatIshouldstep
closer.Ihoveredoverhimsohecouldshowmethescreen.“Theseappsreacheachofus.Canyouguess
whichones?”

The phone screen had nine different apps added. It was obvious to me which ones belonged to who

and I pointed them out. “The baseball is Silas, the violin, Mr. Blackbourne, music notes for Victor, the
calculator for Kota, the paint brush for Gabriel, the hand weight for Nathan, Luke’s pancakes, North’s
blackcar,andtheJapanesewordthereisforyou.”

Dr. Green brightened. He poked a forefinger at my head in a tease. “I would have given you bonus

pointsifyoucouldhavetoldmewhatthewordmeans.”

“Whatdoesitmean?”
“Whenyoufigureitout,I’llgiveyouthosepoints.”Hepunchedafingerathisicononmyphoneand

theapplicationopenedtorevealapaneloffourdifferentsquarebuttonsinthemiddle.“Allyouhaveto
doishitoneofthese.Redisemergencyandit’llsendmeatextmessagewithyourapproximatelocation.
GreenplacesacallthatwillcutyouthroughanemergencylinesoevenifmyphoneisonsilentorifI’m
ontheline,it’llsendyourphonecallthroughinstantly.Whiteisaquicktextmessagethat’snotforareal
emergencybutthatyou’refeelinguncomfortableandcouldusesomehelp.Thebigblackonewilldialour
numberswithoutusingtheemergencyservice.”Heclosedtheappandpassedthephonetome.“Isuppose
Ishouldn’thavetotellyouthatthoseemergencybuttonsshouldbeusedverysparingly.”

Inodded,nervousnowthatthephonecoulddosomethinglikethat.Imadesuretoturnthescreenoff

beforeputtingitbackintoplaceinmybra.Ididn’twanttohitoneaccidentally.“Whatabouttheboys?
Couldtheyreachme?”

Dr.Greensmiledsoftly.“Ihaven’taddedyou.Idon’tthinkthey’llbecallingyouinanemergency.”
That was probably true, but it was disappointing. I liked to think I could help in some small way. I

smiledathimandcollectedmythingsfromthefloor.

“Whereareyougoing?”Dr.Greenasked,lookingcurious.
“KotaandNathanarewaitingoutsideforme.I’msupposedtowalkaroundthebuildingafewtimes

andfindaplaceinthecourtyardoppositeofwherethey’reusuallysitting.”

Mr.Blackbourneshookhishead.“Youshouldtrytalkingtootherpeople.”
“I’mjusttryingtogetthroughFridaywithoutanymoreincidents,”Isaid.
ThecornerofMr.Blackbourne’smouthdipped.“Areyousureyoucanhandlethis?”
“I’vemanagedthisfar,”Ipromised.
Thatdidn’tseemtobetheanswerhewashopingforbuthenoddedshortlyatme.“Callifyouneed

anything,”hesaid.Heopenedthedoorforme.

Isteppedoutintothehallwaywithmyheartpounding.Themomentthedoorwasclosedbehindme,it

feltliketheend.Myhandflutteredtothebaseofmyneck.Istraightenedandmovedforward.Kotaandthe
otherswouldbenearby,Ikepttellingmyself.Ineededtothinkcalmlyandbeawareofothersandkeepmy
headdown.

Outinthehallway,IflittedmyeyesaroundatthemanyfacesbutKotaandNathanhaddisappearedinto

thecrowd.IwaitedonlyforamomenttomakesuretheyhadnoticedIwasout.Ipickedadirectionand
headedthroughthethrongofstudents.

The feeling was so familiar to me. I kept my eyes straight ahead, not looking right or left to avoid

attention.Iwalkedataslowerpace,too.Itookaloopthroughthemainhallway,andproceededthrough
sidedoorsthatleaddownanotherhalltowardthecafeteria.Chatteringfilledmyears.Wasthatmyname
being spoken? Were they watching me walking alone? Did they think something was out of place? Did
anyonecareatall?

Thecafeteriawasbusy.ThetableswerefullandIweavedmywaythroughthem.Acoupleofwhistles

sounded.Ifeltmyheartracing,hopingtheyweren’taimedatme.Iignoreditandnoonestoppedme.Idid
mybesttolookasifIwasheadingtosomewherespecificanddidn’thavetimetobotherwiththem.At
certainpointsIwasworriedImightloseKotaandNathanasIwassurroundedbypeople.

Imadetheturnaroundagaintothemainhallwayandopenedthedoortothecourtyard.Icaughtsightof

VictorandGabrielinthecorner.IfelttheirgazesonmeasIturnedintheoppositedirectionforabench
ontheothersideofthecourtyard.

Ifoundabenchwhereathinboywithbadacnehadhisheadburiedinabook,tryingtolookassmall

andinconspicuousasIwastryingtogofor.Perfect,Ithought.ItwaswhereIwouldbelong.Theno-name,
nobody-specialspot.

Iploppedmythingsdownatthefootofthebench,pulledthebookoutthatweweresupposedtobe

readingforEnglish.ItriedtoappearfocusedonitbutIcouldn’thelpbutglanceuponoccasion.Icould
easilyseeKotaandtheothersacrossthecourtyard.Itriednottostareanddrawattention.

Irecognizedahandfulofthepeoplethathungaroundthecourtyard.Thereweresomegamergeekson

thenextbenchover.TheconversationrevolvedaroundHaloandothervideogamesandsometalkabout
weekendplans.Therewereacoupleofhippygroupssittingtogetherinthegrass.Forthemostpartthey
werequiet.Oneoftheboyshadhisheadburiedinagirl’slapandappearedtobeasleep.

Surprisingly,Ifeltjealous.Iwouldgiveanythinginthatmomenttofeeltheboysnexttome.Imissed

Kota’slap,Gabriel’schop,andtheothersholdingmyhandandtouchingme.Themorningbellseemedto
takeforever.Iwantedtolookatmyphonetocheckthetime.Iwantedtogetintoclass,thinkingthetime
wouldmovebyfasterifIwasbusywithschoolwork.

Whenthebellfinallyrang,Ipickedupmythingsandmadeabeelineforhomeroom.Kotahadmadeit

cleartomethatbetweenclasses,Iwastodonothingbutheadstraighttomynextstop.Theotherswould
dotheworkofkeepingupwithme.

I immersed with the crowded hallway. There was the usual amount of whistling and cat calls and

randomshouts.Iignoreditall.Atonepoint,thehallwayscrowdedsomuchthatIwasforcedtostopand
waitaspeoplesortedthemselvesout.Ipausedapprehensively,keepinganeyeonthemoodsofeveryone
aroundme.Washeangry?Wouldhestartpickingonme?WasMr.McCoyhidingaroundthecornerand
waitingformetomessup?

Athomeroom,IfeltalittleawkwardfornotpickingthesamespotIusuallydidnexttothedoorwith

North and Luke. I picked another desk near the back. I kept my eyes on the door as others filed in. My
heartliftedalittleasNorthandLukeentered.TheydroppedintotheirseatsandNorthpushedhisbaginto
themiddleseatbetweenthem.Ihidmygrin,wonderingwhyhewassavingmyseatwhenIwouldn’tbe
nearthemforawhile.Itwaslikesomesmallamountofprotestorliketheywouldn’tletanyoneelsesit
there if I couldn’t. Neither of them looked at me but I felt so much better now that I could actually see
them.

Iadmiredhowtheylookedintheirnewuniforms.North’sblueblazerlookedoutofplaceonhimsince

Iwassousedtohisblackclothes.Thetie,however,lookedstrikingonhim.Luke’swhiteshirtwashalf
unbuttoned,notie.Hisblondhairwastuckedbehindhisheadinmyclip.Theywerealwayswelldressed,
butseeingthemintheuniformshadmyheartspiraling.Theyweregorgeous.

Gregslippedintotheclassroomatthelastminute.HiseyesfellontheemptyseatbetweenNorthand

Luke.Hespottedmeattheback.Heflashedagrin.Itriedtolookboredandbentovertopretendtodigin
mybookbagforsomethingIneeded.

“Hey there, Sang,” Greg said. He snapped his fingers at the girl sitting to my left. She flinched. He

jerkedhisthumbather.“Moveoverthere,bitch,that’smyseat.”

Ishotthegirlasympatheticlook,silentlypleadingwithhertorefuse.Shefrownedbutmovedtoaseat

closertothefront.

Gregslidintothechairandhungovertheedgeofit.Hedidn’thaveanybooksornotebookswithhim.

The scent of menthol cigarettes lingered like a cloud around him. “So did you break up with your
boyfriends?”heasked.

Ikeptmylipsgluedtogether.Ipulledanotebookoutofmybagandapenandstartedwritingrandom

thingsjusttoappearbusy.

“Hey,”Gregsaidinastrongwhisperastheteacherstartedcallingroll.“Sang.Areyougoingtogoout

withmeorwhat?”

Ifocusedonthenotebook.
“Youmadatme?”heasked.“AmInotniceenoughforyou?”
IglancedupatMr.Ferguson,watchinghisjowlswobbleashetrippedovernames.Itwasanexcuseto

slideasideglanceatNorth,whowaslookinginourdirection.HisexpressionwasstonybutIknewhe
wasjustwaitingformetotellhimwhenheshouldintervene.Igavetheslightestshakeofmyheadtotell
himtocalmdown.IcouldhandleGreg.

Gregleanedoverthefrontofhisdeskandhepokedtheguyinfrontofhim.“Psst,”hesaid.“Yo.Give

methat.”

Icouldn’tseewhathewasdemandingbutamomentlatertheguyinfrontofhimhandedbackabrand

newnumbertwopencil.Gregsnatcheditfromtheguyandhelditoutformeinfrontofmyface.

“Look,”hesaid.“Igotyouagift.”
“You’vegotastolenpencil,”Isaidquietly.Ihadtobackmyheadupasthepencilwasrightinfrontof

myface.“Idon’twantit.”

“Unappreciativebitch,”hespatatme.Hismouthtwistedintoagrin.“Youplayinghardtoget,right?I

likeit.Ilikefightingformygirl.”

Irolledmyeyes,putmynotebookawayandsatbackinmychair,crossingmyarmsovermychestand

readytostareaheaduntilhestoppedtalking.

AnotheroneoftheguyscaughtGreg’sattentionandheleanedoverhischairontheothersidetotalkto

him.Iwasgratefulhehadadistraction.Icouldn’thelpbutoverheartheconversation.

“Yo,”theguysaidtoGreg.“FridayFall.”
“Iknow,it’sgoingtobesweet.Wepickedanyoneoutyet?”Gregasked.“MygirlfriendandIaregonna

betheretowatch.”Hejerkedhisheadinmydirection.

Irolledmyeyes.
“Whenisit?”Theguyasked,seemingdismissiveofme.
“Waitforthesignal,”Gregsaid.
WhatwasFridayFall?Somekindofschoolevent?
Their conversation turned to what they were going to do that weekend, and that mostly consisted of

boastsabouthowmuchtheywouldsleepalldayandstayupallnight.Trivial.Theconversationlasted
untilthebellfordismissaltothenextclass.

I picked up my things, crossing the room with my head down now, trying to escape without Greg

comingafterme.

NorthremainedinhisseatbutassoonasIstartedtopasshim,heheldoutsomethingbehindhisback.I

reachedforit,takingwhatfeltlikeapacketfromhishands.Theslighttouchofhisfingerssparkedwarmth
that spilled through my body. I clasped the paper packet in my hand, feeling the keys inside as he had
promised.

InEnglishclass,Islippedinsidebeforeanyoftheboysentered.Ipickedaseatatthefarbacknearthe

door. I dropped my things under the desk. I checked the packet North gave me. It was a neatly folded
pieceofnotebookpaperwithmynamescrawledoverthefront.Iopenedituptopullfromitfourkeys,
includingtheoriginal.Theinsideofthepaperhadanote:

Doyoulikeme?Yes[]No[]

Mythroatclosedupandittookthestrongesteffortsofarthatmorningtoblinkawaythetears.Itook

outmypen,drewaheartovertheyes,andbelowitIwrote:

Missyouallalready.Doyoulikeme?

AssoonasIfinished,IthoughtitwastoomuchbutIhadwrittenitinpensoIcouldn’ttakeitback.I

refoldedthenoteandstuffeditintothepocketofmybookbag.

Luke,GabrielandKotasattogetherontheothersideoftheroom,withGabrieltakingmyseat.Class

startedandwegotbackourgradedpoems.Ms.Johnsonhadusstartonanessayproject.Iwasfocusedon
mynotebook,willingfortimetotickbyasIscribblednotesfortheessay.Isensedmotionaroundmeand
dismisseditatthesoundofthepencilsharpenergrindingapencil.

IwasaddinganotherlinetomyessaywhenIfeltapresencenearmydesk.Ilookedupintimetosee

Gabriel walking away with a freshly sharpened pencil and my finished poem that he grabbed from my
desk.Theglintinhiseyesbetrayedhisstony,disinterestedmask.Ismirked,lookingbackdown,hiding
myblushwithapalmasItriedtorememberthelinesofmypoemandifitsoundedstupid.

Closetotheendofclass,thepersoninfrontofmedroppedafoldednoteonmydesk.Iblinkedatit,

unsurewhattodo.Wasitmeantforme?Icheckeditquickly,lookingatthehandwriting.Mynamewas
spelledwrong.Istuffeditintothebottomofmybagquickly.Theboysknewmynamesoitwasn’tfrom
them. Anyone watching and hoping for an answer might think I was going to read it later but would be
sorelydisappointedwhenIdidn’treply.

Whenthebellrang,Iwasheadingoutthedoorandbackoutsidetowardthebuilding.Ifeltsomething

slipintomyhandandIclosedmyfingersaroundathicklyfoldednote.IlookedupintimetoseeKota
stepping double time ahead of me and disappearing into the crowd. I smiled, pushing the note into my
palm.I’dreadanotefromKotaanytime.

Iwasthesecondtogettogeometryclass.IknewNorthwouldberightbehindme.Nathansatinhis

spotinclass,keepingtheseatinfrontfreeforNorth.ItookthenoteoutmeantforNorthanddroppediton
thedeskbeforeIpassedaroundthebacktositontheothersideoftheroom.

Nathan had grabbed the note and he was unfolding it when North walked in. He crossed the room

quickly,snatchingthepaperoutofNathan’sfingers.NathansaidsomethingtohimbutNorthfellintohis
seat, looking at the page. His dark eyes softened and he pulled a pen and a notebook out of his bag,
stuffingthenoteintohispocket.

FromtheplaceIwassitting,IhadaneasiertimeglancingatNorthandNathancasuallywithoutmaking

ittooobvious,orsoIthought.IcaughtNathanlookingoveratmeonoccasion.We’dsharealook.He’d
makeaface.I’dwinkathim.He’dgrinandbendhisheadoverhisbookagain.

WhenIthoughtIcould,IunfoldedKota’snote.

Ilikeyourpoembetter.

Irolledmyeyes,stuffingthenoteintomygeometrybook.Icouldn’thelpthesmallsmileonmyface.
Acoupleofnotesfellintomyhandsduringclass.IcheckedthemjusttoseeiftheywerefromNorth.

WhenIdidn’trecognizethenames,Idroppedthemintomybag,unanswered.

NooneseemedtonoticethedifferenceinwhereIwassittinginclass.Ithoughtthatwasagoodsign.

MaybetheythoughttheboysandIwerecasualfriends,butweweren’tjoinedatthehip.Maybethisplan
wouldworkoutafterall.

Ididcatchawhisperfromtwogirlsnearby.
“Watchout.It’sFridayFall.”
Awarning?Weretheboyshearingthissamething?Whatwasgoingon?

When the bell rang after class, I crossed the room. North was stretching in his seat and when I got

close, he flipped a note in my direction. I caught it, holding it in my hand. Nathan had one too, and he
quietlyhelditoutforme.Ismiled,pushingbothofthenotesintomypalmasIwalkedoutandheadedto
musicclass.

Ireadthenotesontheway,knowingIwouldn’tgetachancetoreadthemwithMr.Blackbourne.
Nathan’s note was complaining how bored he was in geometry and that I should come over that

weekend.HewantedapromisethatIwouldcallhimlater.

North’shadjustoneword:

Yes.

T

ROUBLE

M

r.BlackbournewasstandingnearthepianoagainwhenIentered.Istoodquietlyontheotherside

oftheroom,holdingtheviolincaseinmyhands.

“MissSorenson.”
“Mr.Blackbourne.”
Henoddedatme.“Itrusteverythingisworkingout?”
“It’sbeenamostlyquietmorning.”Isteppedforward,puttingmythingsdowninachairnearby.
Theslightliftinthecornerofhismouthsoftenedhissternface.“Maybeforoncewecanactuallyhave

anormalviolinlesson.”

I bent over to the violin case. I’d barely touched the thing since I’d gotten it. I’d looked at it,

appreciativeofthebeautyandthinkingofVictorhavingboughtitforme.Ibarelyknewhowtoholditand
didn’tknowwhattodowithit.It’dbeenatrinketI’dcarriedaround.

AknocksoundedatthedoorbeforeIcouldliftthestrapsholdingtheviolininplace.Ipaused,turning

towardtheentryway.

PrincipalHendricksstuckhisheadinandlookedatus.“Mr.Blackbourne,”hecalled.“CouldIborrow

SangSorensonforamoment,please?”

The air seemed to shift as the steel glare of Mr. Blackbourne landed on Mr. Hendricks. “Is this

important?”

“I’vegotareporterherewhowantstotalktooneofourspecialstudents,”hesaid.Hisgazeslippedto

meandhefrowned.“Whyisn’tsheinauniformliketheothers?”

Mr. Blackbourne shook his head. He stepped forward, standing as a barrier between me and Mr.

Hendricks.“Thisisinappropriate.MissSorensondeclinesbeinginterviewed.”

FromaroundMr.Blackbourne’sshoulder,IcouldseeMr.Hendrickssteppingfurtherintotheroomand

frowning.Hisbaldheadshimmeredunderthelights.Hiseyesnarrowedatus.“Wemadeanagreement.”

“Iagreedthattheboyswilldomanythingsforthisschool,”Mr.Blackbournesaidsharply.“Theboys

only.Nother.”

Mr. Hendricks jerked his head back, as if struck in the face. “You’ve slipped in one of your little

minionsintomyschoolwithoutmyapprovalandnowwhenI’vebeengraciousenoughnottocallitout,
you’redenyingmyrequestforsomethingasinsignificantasaninterview?”

“Youmightisolatetheboysbypointingthemoutaspartofyourspecialprogram,”Mr.Blackbourne

firedback.“Youcanaskthemtowearuniformsevenattheriskoftheirsafety.MissSorensonwillnotbe
partofit.”

Myheartthunderedinmychest.Mr.Blackbourne’swordswereawkward.Hewasn’tflatoutdenying

thatIwasoneofhisstudents.ThewayhewaswordingitmadeitsoundlikeIwasoftheAcademybut
justunder different circumstances.Why would helet Mr. Hendricks continueto assume Iwas a part of
their team? I thought the whole point of separating myself was so someone like Mr. Hendricks would
know I wasn’t part of them. There must be something to this. Maybe they didn’t really want to qualify

theirassumptions,buttheydidn’twanttostopthementirely.Whatwasthepoint?

Mr.Hendrickssquaredoffhisshoulders.“ShouldIcalltheschoolboard?”
“Youshould,”Mr.Blackbournebarkedback.“Anditwon’tchangethesituation.MissSorensonwill

notbegivinginterviews.”Hetookinadeepbreathandthenspokeinacoldtone.“Youmightconsider
oneoftheothersforthisinterview.DakotaLee,perhaps.Heshouldbeinhisphysicsclass.Room245.”

Mr.HendricksshotaccusingglaresatMr.Blackbournebutpursedhislipsandwalkedout.
IletoutthebreathIhadbeenholding.Mypalmflutteredup,touchingMr.Blackbournelightlyonthe

shoulder. I don’t know what made me do it. It was too much time with the other boys and I simply
associatedhimasoneofthem.

Whenmypalmpressedtohisshoulder,Mr.BlackbournespunaroundonmeasifIhadscaledhim.His

eyeswerefierce,assteelandassharpasaknife.

Icringed,drawingmyhandbacktofluttermyfingersatthebaseofmythroat.I’dgonetoofar.
Whenhesawmyface,hiseyessoftenedandhefrowned.“I’msorry,”hewhispered.Heswallowed

andhisshouldersdroppedafraction.“Ididn’tmeantoscareyou.”

“Ifyouneedmetobeinterviewed,”Isaidsoftly,“I’lldoit.Idon’twantyoutogetintotroublewith

theschoolboard.”

The corner of his mouth lifted a millimeter. “No, my dear Miss Sorenson. Mr. Hendricks assumes I

would be in trouble with the school board. The only person he can damage here is himself. I have no
problemwithtakingmyboysrightoutofthisschoolifitcomesdowntoit.Hecanfightusifhewants,but
wearen’thereforhim.”

They’dleaveanytimetheywanted?Thataloneputmeonedge.Whatwouldittakeforthemtoleave?I

knewtheywereonlythereforayearbutIdidn’trealizeitcouldbeinfinitelyshorter.Hecouldremove
themnowifhewanted.CouldonedayMr.Blackbournechangehismind?“Whoareyouherefor?”

Hissteeleyesfoundmine,hisgazeglistening.“Forstudentslikeyou.”

Tocalmmynerves,Mr.Blackbourneplayedamelodyonhisviolinfortherestofclasstime.Itwasa

Norwegiantune,hetoldme,andhepromisedonedayhe’dteachmehowtoplayit,too.Healsomademe
promise to use my phone in case Mr. Hendricks showed up in any other classes. I was to deny any
questionsandanydemandsforaninterviewandtonotifyMr.BlackbourneatonceifIwereasked.

History class: Three unwanted notes from random students, one shared smile with North, four times

caughtstaringatVictor.Helookedsoquietandsolemnfromtheothersideoftheroomandhisfireeyes
litupeachtimeIlookedover.

OnewhisperoverheardaboutFridayFall.
“Upstairs. Sometime after lunch. Friday Fall. Stay out of the hallways,” warned a girl to the boy in

frontofme.

Something was happening in the school. The rumors were crawling with Friday Fall updates. I

couldn’t get a clear picture of what anyone was talking about. All I knew was the whispers were
warnings.Whateveritwas,itwashappeningtoday,anditwasgoingtohappenintheupstairshallway.
Were the boys hearing the same thing? I wondered how many students they wired and if they were
listeningtothemnow.Orweretheytoobusywatchingoverme?

Lunchwascomplicated.IbroughtnothingwithmetoeatasIknewIwouldbetoonervoustoattempt

it.Ididonecirclearoundcampus,cuttingthroughthecafeteriaaloneandaroundthroughthemainhallway
beforechangingdirectionintothecourtyard.IknewNorthandVictorweretailingmesinceourlastclass.
Itriedtomakeitquicksotheycouldrelaxandeatwithoutworryingaboutme.

Therewasanemptybenchacrossthecourtyard.Iwonderedwherethelittlethinboywiththebookhad

goneoffto.Isatdownontheedgeofthebench,hopingIwasn’tgoingtodistancehimifhewantedaquiet
spacetoread.Iopenedmybook,intendingtogetthroughacoupleofchapters.

Abouthalfwaythroughlunchtime,avoicecalledout.“Heythere,sexy.”
Icouldn’thelpbutsmile.Mikemighthavebeenaflirt,butheseemedharmless.
IstoodupasMikecameacrossthecourtyardinmydirection.Iwasreadytogetthispartoutofthe

way.Thistimehehadthreefriendswithhimtaggingalong.Mikewaiteduntilhewasclosetomebefore
hegotonhisknees.“Hi,”hesaid,awidegrinonhisface.

“HelloMike,”Isaidsoftly.
His eyebrows shot up. I supposed he didn’t think I knew his name. “Hi,” he repeated. His freckled

handsreachedformineandheheldthemtogether,closetohislips.“Willyoumarryme?”

Ismiledapologeticallyandshookmyhead.“Ican’tmarrysomeoneIdon’tknow.”
“I’mMike,”hesaid,hischubbycheekspushedoutashesmiled.Hejumpedupfromtheground.
“Iknow,”Isaid.
Thethreefriendsbehindhimweregigglingbutcameforward.Oneofthem,atallboywithcurlyblack

hairandatleastthreedaysunshavenspoke,“Mike,you’veaskedheralready.”

“Iknow,”Mikesaid,wavingahandathimdismissively.“Ikeephoping.”
My eyes shot across the courtyard. Luke’s hand shot into the air, holding up three fingers as he kept

score. North popped him in the back of the head, a sour frown on his face. Luke dismissed it, saying
somethingtoNorth.

“Youdon’tevenknowhername,”thedarkhairedguysaid.Helookedatmeandheldoutahand.“I’m

Jer,”hesaid.

Isuckedinabreath,unsureofhowtohandlethis.Itwasn’tlikeGreg,Itoldmyself.Theyweretrying

tobenice.MaybeNorthwassomewhatcorrect.Theotherstudentsmighthavebeenmoreintimidatedto
approachsincetheyhoveredovermesomuch.IreachedouttograspJer’shand,shaking.“I’mSang.”

Heliftedaneyebrow.“Sang?”
Inodded.
“Ilikehername,”Mikesaid.Heheldoutahandformetoshake.“I’mMike.”
Ismiled,rollingmyeyes.Ireachedouttoshakehishand,too.“Iknow.”
Inaquickmotion,Mikegrippedmyhandandtuckedhisshoulderintomystomach.Heliftedmeoffthe

groundandheldmeintheair,anarmgoingaroundmywaisttoholdmeinplace.

Ichokedbackascreech.“Hey,”Icalledout.“Mike,putmedown.”Iwriggled,tryingtogetoffofhis

shoulder.Myheartleaptintomythroat.

He popped me on the thigh with a palm. “Don’t wriggle or I’ll drop you.” He turned slightly and

startedwalking.

Hisfriendswerelaughing.Jerchuckled.“Becareful.”
I was dizzy being upside down and disoriented. I clenched my hands and started hitting him in the

back.“Mike!”IliftedpartofmyselfuntilIcouldlookup.IcaughtNorthandSilasheadingover,Isaw
Kota standing and walking this way, too. The others were standing, appearing unsure if they should
approach.

In a desperate attempt, I put a hand out in a stop motion toward them. North and Silas halted, fists

clenched and glaring but obeying. If they came after me now, I knew they might end up in a fight with
Mike.Ihadtohandlethisalone.

“Mike,”Icriedout,tryingtosoundplayfuleventhoughIwasveryembarrassedathangingoffofhis

shoulder.“I’mgettingdizzy.”

Mike laughed. He was parading me around the courtyard with his friends walking next to him. I

wondered if Mr. McCoy was watching. Would he stop and give me a detention this time? Wasn’t this
inappropriate?

“Hey Mike,” someone called out. Mike turned and I was unable to see who it was. “That’s enough,

dude.Comeon,you’llhurther.”

“Aw,”Mikesaid.Hecarefullygrabbedmebythewaist.
“Here,”saidthevoice.Ifeltanotherpairofhandsgoingaroundmylegsandbackandcollectingmeas

Mikeheftedmeoffofhisshoulder.Itumbledintoapairofarms.Myhandsmovedtotheguy’sshoulders
to balance myself. A wash of colors swept over my eyes as the blood drained from my head. When it
cleared,Iwaslookingintoapairofblue-grayeyes.

“Hi,”theguysaid.Hehadsoftbrownhaircutcleanlyaroundhisears.Hewasbroadshoulderedand

hadahandsomesmile.Whilehewasgoodlooking,thewayhelookedatmeleftmyinsidesfeelinglikeI
wasstillhangingupsidedown.

Iswallowed,blushing.“Um...thankyou,”Isaid.
Hedroppedthearmundermythighs,holdingontomewiththeotheruntilIwasonmyfeet.Hekepthis

handonmybackashesteppedtowardMike.“Youcan’tpickupRocky’sgirllikethat,okayMike?”

“OhIdidn’thurther,”Mikesaid.
Theguy--Rocky?--shotMikeawarninglook.“Justdon’t.”Hisvoicewasdeepbutraspy,asifhe

hadbeentalkingalotlately.Ihadthefeelingthatwassimplythewayhisvoicesounded.

Mikefrowned.Hewavedtome.“Seeyoulater,Sang.”Hemarchedoffintheotherdirection,heading

towardthecafeteriadoors.Jerandhisfriendsfollowed.

“Sorryaboutthat,”RockysaidtomeafterMikeandhisfriendsleft.Hishandwasstillonmybackand

I was uncomfortable. I was facing the wrong way to see if the guys were coming over. “You’re okay,
right?”

Inodded.“Yes.”
“Rocky,”someonesaidbehindhim.
Rockyletgoofmeandwebothturnedtoseeatallguybehindhim.Hisheadwasshavedcleanandhe

wasasbroadasSilas.Therewasawidescaronhisleftcheekandthick,darkeyebrows.Exceptforthe
scar,heremindedmeofayoungerVinDiesel.

“Weneedtogo,”hesaid.“Coachwantstoseeus.”
“Hangon,Jay,”hesaid.Rockyturnedtomeagain,flickingonasmiletoshowcleanteeth.“You’rea

cheerleaderright?”

Iblinkedathisquestionbutshookmyhead,“Idon’tthinkso.”
“Youshouldbe,”hesaid.“Rocky’sgirlisalwaysacheerleader.”Hesmirked.“Andyou’regoingto

marrymeinsteadofMike?”

I didn’t know how to answer him so I didn’t. I shifted on my feet, feeling the incredible sense of

aggressivenessfromhim,eventhoughhe’ddonehardlyanythingtome.Thiswasdifferentthantheplayful
wayMikekeptaskingme.Rocky’seyeswereintense.Itwasalmostlikehewasn’taskingmeatall.He
expectedit.

“Callme,”hesaid.Hewinkedatmeandsteppedaway,followingJaythroughthedoors.
Iwatchedafterhim,knowingmymouthwasopen.HowdidheexpectmetocallhimifIdidn’thave

hisnumber?NotthatIwasgoingto,buttheassumingnaturegroundonme.Whatdidhemeanclaimingme
ashisgirl?Iblewoutaslowbreath,perplexed.

Iturned,catchingsevenpairsofeyesbearingdownatmefromacrossthecourtyard,eachoneaskinga

differentquestion.

Islowlyliftedmyhandintotheair,holdingupfourfingers.IblushedasIdidit,turnedandwentback

tomyseatonthebench.

WhenIdaredanotherglancebackattheguysfromovermybook,noneofthemwerelaughing.

F

RIDAY

F

ALL

W

hilewalkingtomynextclass,IoverheardmorewhispersabouttheFridayFall.Itwastoomuchto

keeptomyselfanymore.Islippedahandintomybrawhileeveryonearoundmeseemeddistractedand
sentaquicktexttoKota.

Sang:“FridayFall.”
Kota:“What’sthat?”

Theyhaven’theard.IfeltbetterthatItookthetimetotexthim.

Sang:“Idon’tknow.Butit’sbad.Otherstudentsaretalkingaboutit.It’shappeningthisafternoon.

Secondfloor.”

Kota: “I’ll tell the others. Keep your head down. If you hear anything else, text me. If you see

trouble,headstraighttoBlackbourne’soffice.”

The next few classes seemed to take eons. Silas sat next to me in class instead of behind me. He

seemedunwillingtomoveanyfurtherbutmindedtonottalktomeatall.Victoronlysattwochairsaway
andIfelthisfireeyesonmetheentiretime.Dr.Greenshotlooksatme,too,wordlesslyaskingwhatwas
goingonbuttherewasnowaytoexplainit.IfeltlikeIhadfailedatkeepingmyselfindiscreetatlunch.I
couldn’tgoonedaywithoutsomethinghappening.

Still,noMcCoy.Thatwassomething.
Victorfollowedmetogym.IcaughthimwatchingandwaitingattheendofthehallasIturnedintothe

girls’ locker room. I ached to run back to him and hug him or at least tell him it wouldn’t be long and
we’dhangoutallweekend.Hisfireeyesweredisturbinglysubdued,andaslonelyasIfelt.

Onemoreclass,Ikepttellingmyself,andwe’llallgohome.Itouchedthephoneatmybra.Idressed

intheredt-shirtandtheshortblackshortsandmytennisshoes.Ituckedthephoneinmybra,wonderingif
it’llsurvivejumpingjacks.Ididn’twanttoletitgo.

Inside the gym, however, the bleachers were pulled out and there were chairs and a podium in the

middleofthebasketballcourt.

“Sit on the bleachers,” the girls’ coach, Coach French, said. She waved to the seats and turned,

walkingofftotalkwiththeothercoaches.

IglancedatKaren,thetallgirlwhohadplayedbasketballwithmethedaybefore.Itfeltlikeamillion

yearsago.Shecaughtmyeyeandslidovertositnexttome.MyheartracedandIswallowedbackmy
fears.Ineededtomakefriends,Iremindedmyself.Ihadtomakeaneffort,likeKotasaid.

“What’sgoingon?”Iaskedher,noddingtothepodium.
Karen shrugged. “I don’t know. Looks like an assembly. I heard there were some school board

membersheretoday.”

An assembly? “Is this what the Friday Fall thing is about?” It didn’t seem like an assembly was

somethingtodramatizeandavoid.

Karen’seyebrowslifted.“What?No.FridayFall’sarumor.”
“Whatisit,though?”
Karenshrugged,pushingherslimfingersthroughherbrownpixiehair.“Ithinktheypushabunchof

studentsarounduntiltheyfallover.Idon’tknow.Iheardaboutitlastyearasafreshmanbutdidn’tseeit
theneither.Idon’treallypayattentiontothatkindofstuff.”

IslidaglanceovertoNathanandGabriel.Theireyeslockedonme.Ididn’tknowhowtoreachto

them.Itwasn’tlikelytheyhadtheirphonesonthem.DidtheygetwordabouttheFridaything?

“You’renameisSang,right?”Karenasked.
Iwasgratefulthatshekepttheconversationgoing.“Yeah,”Isaid.“You’reKaren.”
Karen nodded, holding out a hand. I shook it. Touching was normal. Was making a new friend this

easy?WasitlikeKotasaid,thatIjustneededtoopenupmore?Maybetherewasn’tanythingwrongwith
me.MaybeIjustdidn’tunderstand.IfeltawkwardbutIforcedmyselftosmilepleasantly.

“Your friends keep staring at you,” she said, jerking her chin to where the boys were sitting on the

othersideofthebleachers.

HerwordsforcedmetoglanceoveratNathanandGabriel.Theywerestillwatchingus,curious.They

madenoattempttolookawaynow.

“They’rebeingthatobvious,huh?”Iasked.
Karensmirked.“Whyweretheywearingthoseuniformstoday?”
“There’s some special school program,” I said. “Those are the uniforms Ashley Waters wants

everyonetowearmaybenextyearortheyearafter.There’ssomethingaboutwantingtheotherstudentsto
getusedtotheidea.”

“Isthatwhyyou’reavoidingthem?Theyseemmadaboutit.”
CouldItellher?IrememberedMr.Blackbourne’swordsaboutrevealingtoomuchinformationabout

what the Academy did. Still, we were talking about what was right in front of us and about things that
werehappeningtotheschool.Wasn’titimportanttogaugehowotherstudentswerereacting?

“I’m supposed to avoid them,” I said. “They were worried the other students would pick fights. I’m

supposedtostayoutoftheway.”

Karenlaughed.“IsawMikeatlunch.They’reallpickingonyou,instead.”
Ititledmyheadtoher.“Somaybethiswasawasteoftime?Everyoneknowswe’refriends?”
She laughed again, slipping fingers over her mouth. “Sweetie, you all stand in that courtyard by the

windows of the cafeteria and the main hallway. Yes, everyone knows. They’ve been talking about why
Sangisn’twithherboyfriendstoday.”

Iblushed.“We’rejustfriends,”Isaid.Iwasbeingtalkedabout?Whydidtheyassumetheyweremy

boyfriends?WasitbecauseIwassittingonKota’slaptheotherday?Wasithowtheyheldmyhandand
satnexttome?Don’tfriendsholdhands?

Karen’seyessparked.“You’renotdatinganyofthem?”
Iliftedmyeyebrows,shakingmyhead.Iglancedaround,seeingifanyoneelsewaspayingattention.

TheonlyoneswereNathanandGabrielandtheywereoutofearshot.“I’venotreallydatedanyone,”I
confided.

Karen’ssmirksoftened.“You’rekidding.”
Ishookmyhead.WhywouldshethinkIwaskiddingaboutit?
Karenopenedhermouthtosaysomething.
Brightflashesemanatedaboveourheadsandsirensbeguntoblare.Icringed,coveringmyearsatthe

onslaughtofnoisethatechoedthroughthegym.

“Firealarm,”CoachFrenchshoutedtous.“Everyoneoutside.”
Afiredrill?Now?Itwaskindofearlyintheyearforit.IsoughtoutGabrielandNathan,butthemale

coachesweredirectingtheboysoutthesidedoortowardthebackoftheschool.Thegirls’coachpointed
ustowardthefrontdoorstogointheoppositedirection.Itmadesensetodosincewewereclosertothat
sidebutIwasreluctanttofollowsincetheguysweren’tabletostayclose.

The girls filed into a line. Karen stood in front of me. The coach held the door open for us and we

collectedoutintothehallway.Amassofstudentsfromclassessurroundingthegymfloodedthehallway.
Confusionsetin,butmostofthestudentsstartedouttowardthedoorsthatledouttotheparkinglot.

Abuzzingstartedatmychest.Ifellbackfromthegroup.Karenturned,stoppingwhensherealizedI

wasn’trightbehindher.Wemixedinwithotherstudents.Ipulledthephoneoutfrommybra.

Kota:“heygirl.cumupstars.”

Mybreathcaughtinmythroat.Kotawouldnevertypelikethat.
“What’swrong?”Karenasked,acuriouseyebrowgoingup.
Ittookmeamomenttoregisterwhatthismessagemeant.Twothoughtsstruckmeatonce.Kotadidn’t

havehisphone.Upstairs.

FridayFall.
Warnings flashed through my mind. They’d told me to stay away if there was trouble. I had no idea

where Nathan and Gabriel were. Everyone should have been heading outside. Maybe this was a
distractionforwhateverwasgoingtohappen.

Kotawasintrouble.
MyfingerssoughtoutKaren’sarm.Ifixedmyeyesonhers.“Didyouseewheretheguyswent?”
Shenodded.“Thosetwofromgym?”sheasked,catchingon.
“Canyougofindthem?Tellthemtomeetmeonthesecondfloor.”Therewasnootherwaytoreach

them.Theywouldn’thavetheirphones.

“Whereareyougoing?”Karenasked,apuzzledexpressiononherface.
“Thefallthingishappening.SayKota’sintrouble.Tellthemthat.Hurry,”Isaid,turningaway.
Ituckedinagainsttheflowofstudentsheadedtowardthedoorsandsprintedforthemainhallway.I

waspushed,calledafterbyteachers,butIignoredthemall.Iwasn’tgoingtoleaveKotaalone.IfKota
didn’thavehisphone,andhewasintrouble,noonewouldknowtoreachhim.Inthismessforthefire
drill,Ihadtofindhim.I’driskanothergroundingfromGabriel,Northandeveryoneoneelseiftherewas
somethingIcoulddotohelp.

AsIran,IopenedNorth’sapp,pushingthegreenbuttontocallthrough.Iheldthephonetomyhead.

Thephonerangbuthedidn’tpickup.DidIpushthewrongbutton?ItriedSilas,buthisdidthesame.Why
weren’ttheyanswering?Couldn’ttheyhear?Weretheyoutside?

WhenIgottothemainhallway,ithademptied.Echoessaturatedtheairaroundme.Iglancedupatthe

balcony of the second floor, seeing heads of people clustered together. The stairwell was clear. What
weretheystilldoinginside?Whyweren’tteachersafterthemtogooutsideforthefiredrill?

Somethingflewpastmyhead,thrownfromoverthebalconyofthesecondfloorlanding,crashingon

thefloornexttome.Bookssmackedagainsttheground.Papersflutteredacrossthefloor.

Kota’sgreenmessengerbagfeathereddownnexttothem.
Ichargedthestairs,takingtwoatatime.
WhenIgotclosetothesecondfloor,theshoutingvibratedthroughmybones.Islowed,peekingaround

thecorneratthetopofthestairs.

Kotadangledupagainstthefarwall.Atallkidgraspedhimbythethroatwhiletwoothersoneither

sideheldhisarmstostophimfromfighting.Clustersofotherstudentssurroundedhim.Expectant.Cell
phoneswereout,somefilmingtheevent.

Throughtheconfusion,Kota’seyesmetmine.Hiseyeswidenedinpanic.
A shiver broke through me. My jaw tightened. My hands clenched into fists around my phone. I

randomlyopenedanyoftheapps,onebeingVictor’s.Ihittheredbutton.

Kotawriggledandhetriedtocalloutbutafistmetagainsthischest.
Where it came from, some deep survival instinct maybe, I wasn’t sure. My feet moved. I sprinted

acrossthehallway,shovingthephoneintomypocketandcuttingaroundpeoplestandingby.Ileapt,my
foot in the air, and aimed for the back of the guy holding Kota’s throat. I kicked out. I had no idea if it
wouldworkbutIhopeditwasenoughtogethimtoloosenhisgriponKotasohecouldbreakfree.

“Sang!”Northbellowednearby.
It was too late. I made contact against the guy’s side. He called out in surprise, letting go of Kota’s

throat. Someone grabbed me from behind. I yanked myself away, spinning and flailing wildly out at
whoeverhadtouchedme.Morehandsfoundme.Iwasdraggedback.Anarmshovedaroundmywaistand
holdingmyarmstomysides.Ahandseizedmythroat.

Iwaspressedagainstalargestudent,withmybackacrosshisstomach.Iinhaledcigarettesmokeand

somethingsharp--alcohol?ItwistedmyheadandrecognizedthebullythathadattackedGabrieltheday
before.Hischubbyfingerspinchedattheskinofmyarmsashegrippedme.

“Greg,”hecalledout.“Gotyourgirlfriend.”
“Sang.”Gregcameintoview.Hesmirked,hisarmscrossedoverhisthinchest.Studentsmadeacircle

aroundus.Gregjerkedhischininmydirection.“WhatthefuckareyoudoingwithEric?”

IstruggledbutErickeptmeinagripagainstmyarms.IglaredbackatGreg.Acommotionoverhis

shouldercaughtmyeyes.Kotawasheftedofftheground.Hestruggledbutmorehandsgrabbedhim.His
blazerwasstrippedfromhisback.

Gregbroughthisfaceclosetomine.“Cometowatch?”
“Let her the fuck go,” North called. I twisted my head, spotting North, Victor and Luke pressed up

againstthewallashortdistanceaway.Northwasbuckingagainstagroupofguysrestraininghim.Silas
wasonthegroundattheirfeet,movingbutwithatleasttenguyspiledontopofhim,throwingpunches
againsthisbody.

Inowknewwhytheycouldn’trespondtomycalls.They’dbeenherethewholetime.Iswalloweda

cry.Screamingatthemwouldn’thelp.“What’sgoingon?”Iasked,facingoffGreg.

“Someone goes over,” Greg said. He tilted his head toward where the balcony overlooked the main

hallwaybelow.

“What?Why?”Iasked.
“Someonealwaysdoes.”
FridayFall.Someonegetsthrownoffofthesecondfloor?DidithappeneveryFriday?Howsickand

twistedwerethesestudents?IfKotawentoverafterbeingthrown,hemightlandonhisback.He’dbreak
hisneck.

ThegrouparoundKotastartedmovinginunison.Kotathrashed.Hisglassesweregone.Hischeekwas

redandswelling.Ittookfiveofthemtohangontohimandwalktowardthebalcony’sedge.Peoplewere
yelling, some cheering. Most were watching, phone cameras recording. The group had a hard time
keepingKotaupoffoftheground.Hefoughtthemeverystepandhewashardtohangonto.

“I’llgo,”Ishouted.“I’llgoover.”
“Shutup,”Gregsaid.“Wecan’tthrowafuckinggirlover.”Gregshotahandouttowardme,hisfingers

pushingagainstthemiddleofmychest,pressingmyt-shirtupagainstmybreasts.

“Sang!”Lukeshouted.
Northswunghisbody.Anotherstudentkickedhimandjumpedonhisback.Northwentdownnextto

Silas.VictorandLukewerethrowntothegroundnearby.

Whereweretheteachers?Weretheyalloutside?Whydidn’tanyonestandingbystopthis?
“Wehavetohurry,”someonebellowedoverthenoise.“They’llletthembackinsideinaminute.”
Thegroupprogressed,hoistingKotaabovetheirheadsagain.
“Kota!”Icalledout.IelbowedEric.Heletgoofoneofmyarms.Hiswristcrossedinfrontofmy

face.

I grabbed it with my free hand and clamped my mouth down on his arm. The taste of dirt and skin

assaultedmytongue.

Ericcursed,droppingmetothefloor.Akicklandedonmythigh,hurlingmedownagainstthefloor.
Northhowled.Lukebellowed.Victorwasscreamingmyname.
ThepileontopofSilasshiftedup.“Sang!”Silascalledout.“Fuck…shit…”Iknewhecouldn’tsee

whatwasgoingonbuttheholleringaroundhimwasenoughtogethimgoing.

Itwasn’tenough,theguysontopofhimregrouped,sendinghimtothegroundagain.
Greggrippedmebythehair,pullingmetomyfeet.“Stopit,bitch,”hesaid.
Icrumbledunderhisgrip,bitingbackacry.Iclawedathim,athischestbuthepulledtighter,swinging

myheadaroundwherehewanted.

Hesmirked,hismentholbreathgettingclose.Ahandpressedagainstmybutt,pullingmeclosertohim,

thegrippressingintomyskin.Hismouthhoveredovermine.“Ilikeafighter.”

Istruckupagainsthisjawwithmypalm.Imeanttoslaphimbutthatwasbetter.
His eyes widened in surprise. He pushed me away, dropping back. I didn’t stop to see more. I flew

across the hall toward the crowd, flinging myself against someone holding on to Kota. I jumped on his
back,reachingforhisgriponKota’sfoot.Idugmynailsintohisarm.HeletgoofKotalongenoughto
turnaroundandpushmeaway.

Itwasenough.Kotawasfightingagain.Hekickedatthepersonwhohadhisotherleg.Hedisappeared

intothegrouparoundhim.

“Greg,holdthatdamngirlfriendofyours,”Erichollered.
Iwasgrabbedagain.Iwashoistedup,pushedhardagainstthebalcony,halfofmybodyhangingover.

Ahandhadmebythethroatagain.

“Sitstill,bitch.”Gregspatatme.Hepressedmeagainstthehalfwall.Hishandscaughtbothofmy

wristsandheheldthemaway.

Hedroppedahanddowntomybreastandsqueezed.Hislegpressedupbetweenmythighsagainstmy

crotch,hegroundhiskneeintomehard.

Painradiatedthroughme,trailedheavilybydisgusttomakemecringe.
Iwrestledwithhim,andpulledawristfree.Iflungafistoutblindly,strikingagainstthecenterofhis

throat,knockingintohisAdam’sapple.

Gregscreamed.HepushedmeawayandIwasgoingoverthebalcony.
“Sang!”achorusofmalevoicesshoutedatonce.
Iwasfalling.Itwisted,readyingmyself.
IknewbeforeIhitthegroundwhereIwasgoing.Thebalconywasn’tthathighup,notforsomeone

likeme.Istruckitfeetfirst,myrightfootgettingasharphit.Iwasn’texpectinghowhardthefloorofthe
hallwaywas.IsunktomykneesthemomentItoucheddown,tuckedmyelbowinandforcedmyselfintoa
roll,spillingoutacrossthefloorinfrontofavendingmachine.

It took only a minute for me to recover and I was on my feet again. As I stepped forward, my right

anklebitback,lettingmeknowitwasprobablysprainedbutIignoredit.Thelandingshookme,butIwas
fine.

FromthetimeIfelltowhenIspilledoutonthefloor,thehallseemedtobeinadeadsilence.
When I started limp-running back across the hall, shouts erupted around me. I became aware of the

people closing in, including from the administration offices. Somewhere among the crowd I recognized
Nathan’sandGabriel’svoicescallingmyname.

Ididn’tstop.Izeroedinonthestairsagain,leapinglikeatigerupahillagainstthestepstoeasethe

biteinmyfoot.IwascomingbackforKotaandtheothers.Noonecouldstopme.

A surge followed me. I sensed it like being chased in one of my dreams. Was the group chasing me

goingtotrytostopme?Iwouldn’tletthem.I’dalreadydonetheFridayFall.Nooneelsehadtogoover.

Upstairs,Kotawasnolongerintheair.Morekidswerestrugglingagainsteachotherintheconfusion,

asiftheyweregoingtotrytohurlanyoneelseover,theeasiestonefirst.

Silasandtheotherswerestillontheground.IjumpedononeoftheguysontopofSilas.Igrippedat

hisshoulders,pushingmykneesintohisbacktotrytocatchhimoffbalancesohe’dspillover.Theboy
pulledbackoffofSilastopushmeaway.Thisdistractedacoupleoftheotherguysaroundusandthey
struggledwithmeinstead,tryingtopushmeoff.

It was all Silas needed. A foot flew out, followed by a fist. The guys on top of him started backing

away.Silaswasgettingup.

Othersthatfollowedmefromdownstairsfloodedaroundme.Fistsflew.Kidsholdingcameraphones,

whowereonlytheretowatch,startedrunning.Themobwascornered.

IstruckoutagainatsomeonegoingafterSilas.WhenIpushedhim,heturnedandhoistedmeslightlyas

he pushed back, throwing me. I was flung across the floor. My phone sailed away from my pocket,
disappearingamidtheswarm.

Itumbled,skidded,collidingwithotherstudents.Mybreathwasknocked

outofmylungs.Iclutchedatmychest,tryingtowillmyselftobreathe.

Iwaspickedup.Istruggled,clawing,biting.
Thearmsheldstrongaroundme.“Easy,girl,”avoicecalledintomyear.“We’reonyourside.”
Thefamiliarvoicewasenoughtogetmestop.Rockyheldme,pressingmetohisbody.Icoughedto

getmylungsworkingagain,suckinginair.Hepulledmeawayfromthecrowd.HeturnedandIcaughtthe
collectionofstudentsthathadjoinedusfromdownstairs.Allmale.Allangry.

Gregwasontheground,trampled,hishandscoveringhisthroat.Iwasn’tsureifhewasbreathing.
Kotawasonhisfeet.Oneofthestudentsthathadliftedhimintotheairwasnowswingingpunches.

Kotaraisedafoot,droppingthekickagainstthekid’schest.Thestudentreeledbackagainstthewall.

NathanstoodbehindKota,takingadefensiveswingagainstsomeoneelse.Jay,Rocky’sfriend,stood

besidethem,pushinganotherguyaway.

Silas and North were up off the ground. A group of large guys tried launching at them full force to

knockthemagainstthewall.SilasandNorthheldthemback.Silasswipedattheirfeet,knockingtwoguys
down.Northgrabbedsomeguy’sheadandpulledhimoverhisshoulder.Theguylandedonhisbackat
North’sfeet.

Mike, Jer and other students were fighting alongside Luke and Victor and Gabriel. Other angry guys

werepushingstudentstowardthestairs.Theshoutswereaccusing.

“Whothrewher?”
“Fuckeduptradition.”
“Chickenshitmotherfuckers!”
IclutchedatRocky’sarms,wantingtogetintherewiththem.Heheldmeback,pullingmeagainstthe

wall.“Hangback,”hecommanded.Icouldn’tfighthimasstronglysincehedidn’tmeananyharm.

Themobthatstartedthemessreceded.Theywereoutnumberednow.
Kota and the others slowed as those left fighting started backing away. There were a handful of

studentsknockedoutontheground,Gregwasamongthem.Erichaddisappeared.

“Lethergo,”Silasboomed.Hesurgedtowardusagainstthewall.
Rocky gripped me, not understanding why Silas was so angry and coming after us. I couldn’t blame

Rockyforbeingconfused.Hedidn’tknowus.IwrestledwithRockytogetahandout,Iheldupapalm
towardSilas.“Wait,”Icalledtohim.

Silasstoppeddeadatmycommand.Hisfistsstillclenched,hegrittedhisteeth.
“Rocky,”Isaid,“Letmego.”
“You’renotgoingtofightagain,”hesaid.Hereleasedme.
Idroppedtomyfeet,stumblingtowardSilas.Thebiteintomyanklewasmorepainfulthanbefore.
SilaswaiteduntilIwashalfwaytohimbeforehestartedforwardagain.Hecollectedmeinhisarms,

pullingmeupofftheground,huggingmetohisbody.Iburiedmyheadintohisshoulder,inhalinginhis
oceanscent.Itrembledathistouch.

Nervescaughtupwithme.Silaswasokay.Theothersweren’tknockedout.Weweregoingtobeokay.
Morearmssurroundedmywaist.Handsrubbedagainstmyscalp.Nathan’sfaceswamintoviewbutI

knewtheotherguyswerethere,too.Iwasbeinghuggedandtouchedbyfamiliarhands.

KotavoicedacommandthatIdidn’tcatch.Theyshifted.Silasdroppedmetotheflooragain.Backs

wereturnedtome,allsevenofthem.Theystoodguardaroundme,challenginganyonetocomecloser.It
wasusagainsttheschool.Anyonethatapproachedgotakickorashoveback.

Mike,Jer,RockyandJayandotherscorralledstudentsouttowardthestairs.Theyclearedthehalls.
Whentherewasnoonelefttofight,teachersmaterializedfromthesidehallways.Mr.Blackbourneand

Dr. Green marched up the stairs, follows by Mr. Hendricks and a handful of other teachers. They were
clutchingtheshouldersofsomeofthestudents.Anystudentremainingwasfleeingoutofthebuilding.Jer
andMikeandsomethathadtakenoverthefightdisappeared.

“Backoff,guys,”Dr.Greenbellowedtous.“It’sover.”
Theguysdidn’tmove.Theywaited,instead,tomakesuretheotherstudentswerecollectedup.

D

OUBLE

G

ROUNDED

D

r. Green hovered over Greg and the other students who got the worst of it. Mr. Blackbourne

collected Rocky, Jay, us, and a handful of other students into one of the empty upstairs classrooms.
Severaloftheotherstudentshadbeenhauledofftothemainofficedownstairs.

Mr.Morrisjoinedusintheclassroomroom,too.Hestoodguardatthedoor,hisarmsfoldedoverhis

chest,preventinganyonefromleaving.Kota,Northandtheothersquietlyassemblednearthebackofthe
room to sit at the desks. Mr. Blackbourne shot looks at the guys and me, silently warning with a secret
fingertohislipstokeepquiet.

NorthhadcarriedmeintotheroomandIwasdroppedontoadesktop.Hetriedtocheckmeoutfor

injuriesbutwithnothingobviousandwithawarninglookfromMr.Blackbourne,hecouldn’tdomuch.

Idrewmykneesuptomychest,wrappingmyarmsaroundmylegs.Iburiedmyheadintomyknees.It

was the best I could do to stop the shaking. I sensed bodies crowding around me, and I breathed in
Nathan’scypressandNorth’smusk.

No one touched me, even as I yearned for it. Silence hung and I knew the only thing stopping Mr.

Blackbourne from talking was Jay and the other students still lingering. The only thing that stopped the
boyswasMr.Blackbourne’sunspokenorders.

Secretshadtobemaintained.
Mylungshurt.Myanklefelttwisted.Ihadathrobbingheadacheandmymouthfeltnumb.Someonehad

punchedmeinthefaceagain.Myhairwasmangled.Ipulledmyheaduptocollecttheclipstillsnarled
intomyhair.IfingeredcombedmyhairthebestIcouldandreclippeditintoplace.Keepingbusywith
straiteningmyselfoutkeptmymindoffofwhatjusthappened.Ididn’twanttothinkaboutitbecauseitgot
meshakingalloveragain.

Silas leaned against the wall, and fingered his swollen face, wincing. Gabriel’s nose was bleeding

again, but he held tissues to his face to try to clear the mess. Nathan clutched his hand to his chest, the
metalcastonhisfingerwasmissing.North’slefteyewasswollenshut.

Kota sat in a desk, his arms folded and his head down. Gabriel and Victor were slumped over in

chairs.Lukewasonhisbackonthefloor,staringupattheceiling.Thetensionwasheavywithunspoken
angerandquestions.

Isensedamotionbehindmeandturnedontopofthedesk.
“Youokay?”Rockyasked,hisaggressiveblue-grayeyesgazingatme.Hehoveredoverme.Hedidn’t

lookhurt.Forcingmeoutofthefightlefthimvirtuallyuntouched.

Istartednodding.
Hishandshotout.Histhumbtracedovermylowerlip,re-sparkingasharppain.
Northmovedintoaction,grabbingRocky’swrist.
Rockyturned,hisheadtilted.Confusionsettlingintohiseyes.
“Don’ttouchher,”Northgrowled,positioninghimselfclosernexttome.Nathansteppedcloseronthe

otherside,firingwarninglooksatRocky.

JaystoodupnexttoRocky.“Lethimgo,”hesaidcoldly,deep,growling.Isensedmovementbehind

me.Theothersweregettinguptointervene.

“Stopit,”Icalledout.“North,letgo.”
NorthhesitatedbutslowlyreleasedRocky’sarmtogazedownatme.
IputapalmonNorth’sarm.Ididn’twanttostartanotherfightoversomethingsoinconsequential.I

couldn’tstandanymoretoday.IstareddownRocky.“Hehelpedus,”Itoldtheothers.

Northgrunted.Theothersmumbled.
Rockypulledhisthumbaway,dropsofmybloodandsalivashiningunderthelight.Withhiseyeson

me,hebroughthisthumbtohismouth,lickingmybloodcleanfromhisfinger.

“Whydidyoustartfighting?”Iaskedhim,ignoringthegrowlingoftheguysbehindme.
“Noonethrowsagirlfromthebalcony,”Rockysaidflatly.
“Didyouknowitwasgoingtohappen?”
Rockynodded.“Happenseveryyear.Idon’tknowwhostarteditandwedon’tparticipate.I’mfucking

tiredofit.”

Whodidhemeanbywe?“Butyou’veneverbotheredtostopitbefore,”Ichallenged.
His eyes narrowed at me but I’d made my point. It wasn’t a big deal until a girl got involved. How

wrongwasthat?

Theclassroomdoorburstopen.Mr.Hendricksstormedin,followedbyastoutmanwearingredNike

runningpantsandazippedrunningjacket.Asilverwhistlehungoffofayellowcordaroundhisneck.The
guypointedafingeratJayandRocky.“Youtwo.Andtherestofyou.Withme.Now.”

“Yes,coach,”JayandRockysaidtogether.Theotherstudentsstoodup,crossingtheroom.
“Wait,”Mr.Blackbournesaid,thoughlistless.“Weneedtoaskthem...”
“Nooneinterrogatesmyteambutme,”thecoachsaid.
Mr. Blackbourne backed off. He said what he had to say but he didn’t really appear interested in

keeping them around. Mr. Hendricks stood aside, saying nothing. Jay and Rocky didn’t hesitate. They
strolledout.Mr.Morrisandtheotherstudentsfollowed.Weretheypartoftheteam,too?

Themomentthedoorclosed,Mr.Hendricksspunonus.“Whathappened?”
Kota stepped up. His glasses were still missing. His handsome face looked swollen, bruised. Kota

glancedatMr.Blackbourne.Lookswereexchanged.Mr.Blackbournenoddedinasilentcommand.

Kotastartedtalking,hisvoiceobstructedbyaswollenlip,hoarse.“Itstartedrightafterthefiredrill

sounded.Whenmostoftheteachersandotherstudentswereontheirwayout,that’swhenGregandhis
groupstarted shoving students.I tried tostop them and Gregrecognized me. WhenSilas and the others
showedup,theyisolatedus.Webecamethetargetfortheplannedtossingofsomeoneoverthebalcony.”

Mr.Hendricksspunonme,anaccusingfingerpointedinmydirection.“Andwhatdidyouthinkyou

weredoing?”

I hesitated, glancing at the others. Mr. Blackbourne inclined his head briefly – permission to speak

granted.“SomeonegotKota’sphone,”Isaid.“Theyrecognizedmynameandtextedmetocomeupstairs.I
thinkitwasGregwantingmetocomewatchtosshimover.”

“Didyouseeher?”Mr.Hendrickssaid,turningonMr.Blackbourne.“Shelaunchedherselfoverthat

balcony.Shewasupandrunningbeforewecouldgettoherandheadingbackupthestairs.Ineversaw
anythinglikeit.”

“She’shadtraining,”Kotasaid,smirkingatme.“Elementaryschool,wasn’tit?”
Inodded.Acollectionofeyesshiftedtome.“Iwastaughthowtofall.IknewIcouldmakeit.Ifthey

neededsomeonetogoover,Iwasgoingtodoit.”

A palm slapped against the back of my head. I ducked after, looking back at Gabriel’s outstretched

handnearby.“Don’tyoueverfuckingdothatagain.”

“She’swhatstoppedit,”Nathansaid.“Whenshewentover,thefootballteamwasstandingdownstairs

withus.Theyfollowedherupstairs.Itwasfineifitwasanotherguy.Sinceitwasagirl,theygotangry
andstormedintotakethemallout.”

Mr.Hendricksbarkedatus,“Wecouldhavehadallofthemoutofhereifitwashimandnother.”
Ifelttheblooddrainfrommyface.Thiswasplanned?Heknewitwasgoingtohappen?Butitmade

sense.Hehadtohaveknown.Ithappenedeveryyear.“Imessedup?”

Mr.Hendricksturnedonme.“Yeah,youmessedup.Oneofthemwassupposedtogooverunwillingly.

Insteadwegotyoupracticallyjumpingover.Theschoolboarddidn’tunderstandwhyeveryonerushedup
thestairsorwhytherewasafight.They’reaskingwhotheacrobatis.”

Mr.Blackbournefrowned.Hesteppedin,standingbetweenmeandMr.Hendricks.“That’senough,”

hecommanded.“Youmadeacircusoutofthis.You’reluckysheknewwhatshewasdoingandlandedon
herfeet.Theotherstudentsbelieveshewaspushed.”

“Thatkidshepunchedisgoingtothehospital.She’llbeluckyifhisparents’don’tpresscharges.This

wasn’tsupposedtohappen.”

Mythroatclosedin,myfingershoveringoverthebaseofmyneck.Someonewrappedanarmaround

myshoulders,achestagainstmyback.IbreathedinspiceandrelaxedbackagainstKota.Lukecameup
quietly next to me and took my other hand, squeezing it. If charges were pressed, there were plenty of
witnessestopointoutwhodidthedamage.WouldIbearrested?

“Whatyouwanted,”Mr.Blackbournecontinued,“wasforKotatobreakhisheadandthenchargethe

group of students to get them arrested or expelled? You deliberately set up my students, knowing this
traditionwasgoingtohappenandbeingfullyawarehecouldhavebrokenhisneckorworse.”

“Youagreedtothis,”Mr.Hendricksshoutedathim.HepointedafingeratMr.Blackbourne’snose.“I

warnedyouthisplacewasdangerousandnotmeantforprissyprivateschoolpreps.”

Mr.Blackbournesquaredhisshoulders.“Theseprissystudentsjustbroughttoahaltasicktraditionin

thisschoolthatshouldhavebeenstoppedalongtimeago.”

“Thatlittlegirl...”Mr.Hendricksgrowled.
“Thatlittlegirl,”Mr.Blackbournesnappedback,“justgottheentirefootballteamandotherstudentsto

stepinandtakeoveryourjob.Shehadmorepowerthanyoudidtoencouragethemtostepup.Ifitwasn’t
forher,youwouldhavehadstudentstryingagainnextyear.Nowtheywon’tdareattheriskofangering
halfoftheschool.She’sthemartyr.”

Mybodytrembled.Kotasqueezedmetightertohim.Myheadrestedagainsthischest.WhatdidIdo?I

didn’t mean to do anything except to stop Kota from being flung over. If he had been pushed, he might
havebrokensomethingorworse.

“Whatsheis,”Mr.Hendrickssaidinalow,menacingtoneandpointingafingeratmyfaceoverMr.

Blackbourne’sshoulder,“isfuckingstupid.Sheshouldhavestayedoutofit.Ishouldhaveherexpelled
forstartingariot.”

A surge started around me. Silas and North moved in front of me and blocking my view of Mr.

Hendricks.Kotapulledmeawayfromthedesk,anotherarmwrappingaroundmywaistandhedrewme
in.Iquakedagainsthisbody.Victor,Gabriel,LukeandNathansurroundedus.

Expulsion! My poor mind couldn’t comprehend the damage it would mean. It was more than getting

kickedoutofschool.Mymothermayfinallyseefittohavemestarthomeschooling,andI’dneverbeable
toleavethehouseagain.I’dpossiblynotbeabletoseetheboyseveragain.

Mr.Blackbourneheadedoffhisstudents,standinginfrontofSilasandNorth.“You’regoingoutthere,”

hesaid,histonecold.“You’regoingtotalktothepolice.You’regoingtosayitwasself-defenseagainst

that boy and we have many witnesses to prove it. Miss Sorenson stays here in school and you won’t
breatheawordabouthertoanyone.”

“Sheshouldbecallingalawyer.”
“TheAcademy’slawyerswillbeatherdisposal,”Mr.Blackbournecommanded,histonerising.“But

itdoesn’thavetocometothatifyou’lllistentome.I’lltalktotheschoolboarddownstairs.”

Mr.Hendricksgrowled.“Youdon’tgettotellmewhattodo.Thisismyschool.”
“ItalktothemorI’msurethey’dliketohearabouthowyou’veletpeoplegettossedfrombalconies

every year for who knows how long. Why was this never reported? Why was it allowed to continue?
Theymightalsoliketoknowwhyyoupreconceivedwhowasgoingtobethrownthisyear.Yourteachers
abandoned the area knowing this was going to happen. It was all a set up. If Kota had gone over or if
anyonehadgottenhurt,youwouldhavebeenatfault.”

“Youcan’tproveit.”
“I’vegoteightwitnesses,”hesaid,gesturingbehindhimselftowardus.
I hopped up on my left tip toe to look over North’s shoulder. Mr. Hendricks stared down Mr.

Blackbourne.Heglaredoveratme.IduckedmyheadbehindNorth’sshouldersagain.

Mr.Hendricksstartedacrosstheroom,slammingthedoorbehindhimselfasheleft.
Theairshiftedaroundus.
Mykneesbuckled.Kotacaughtme,catchingundermythighsandpickingmeup,holdingmeagainsthis

chest.Theotherspulledback,steppinginacirclearoundus.

Victorapproached,puttingahandonmyforehead.“What’swrong?”heasked.Hisfireeyessearching

mine.

“Sorry,”Ibreathed.ItrembledagainagainstKota.Itfeltgoodtobeheld.Icouldn’tstopshaking.“I

can’tbelieveIdidthat.”

“Ohnowyou’renervous,”Victorsaid,agentlesmirkappearing.
“She’sinshock,”Mr.Blackbournesaid,hiseyessoftening,buthismouthwasstern.
Lukeremovedhisblazerandtosseditoverme.“Canwetakeherhome?”
“Notyet,”Mr.Blackbournesaid.“Weneedtotalktothepoliceandfigureoutifthatkid’sparentsare

interestedinpressingcharges.WeneedtomakesureMr.Hendricksdoesn’tpinthiswholemessonher.”

“I’msorry,”Iwhispered.
Eighteyesnarrowedonme.Mr.Blackbournebrokeintoamillimetersmile.“Whyareyousorry?”
“I hurt a bunch of people.” Now that it was over, I worried I had gone too far. I’d never hit anyone

before.I’dlostcontrolandnowIwassorryIgotinthemiddle.Ineverwantedtohurtanyone.Iwould
havedoneitagainforKotaandtheothers,Iknew.Itdidn’tmakewhatI’ddoneanylessappalling.

“Fucking shit,” North bellowed. “Sang baby, you just sacrificed yourself for Kota and nearly killed

yourselfandyou’resorryyouhurtsomeoneelse.”

IsunkmyfaceintoKota’schest,trembling.IknewitwasterriblebutIcouldn’ttakefightinganymore.

Ididn’twanttoappeartobesoweakaftertheyhadbeenthroughsomuchbutIdidn’thavethestrengthto
takethemon,too.

“Ohgod,I’msorry,”Northsaid.Ahanddroppedontopofmyhead.“Don’tcry.Goddamnit,Kota.”
“She’llbefine,”Kotasaid.Hepressedhischeekagainstmyforehead.“ButIoweherabeating.”
Ismirked,shakingmyheadagainsthim.Didtheyhavetodothisnow?
“Fuckyeah,”Gabrielcalledout.“She’sgrounded.”
“No,”Isaid.“I’malreadygrounded.”
“Fuckyou,”hesaid.“You’redoublegrounded.”
Istartedgiggling.Whywasthisfunnytome?“No,”Ihalf-whinedagain.

Kota’shandslippedawayfrommythighsandheheldmesteadyasIsteppedtotheground.Iburiedmy

headintohischeststill,myshouldersshakingfromgigglingnow.

“Imeanit,”Gabrielsaid.“Doyouknowthatgirlthatcameafterusnearlygavemeaheartattack?She

saidTrouble’sintrouble.Again.Secondtimeinaweek.AndwhatdoIseewhenwegettothehallway?
Troublejumpingfromthefuckingsecondfloor,doesabarrelrollandhobblesuptogetbackintothefight.
AndthenIgetuptothatsecondfloor,andyou’reontopofsomemotherfuckerontopofSilas.Youtookon
the whole goddamn school. Fucking beautiful. So that’s like quadruple grounding because you went in
twice. I swear if you go over that balcony again, I’m going to break your damn feet so you can’t go
anywherenearit.”

IpeekedoutatGabriel,whowasgrinning.
“YoushouldhaveseenherkickthatguythathadKotabythethroat,”Lukesaid,pushinghisblondhair

awayfromhiseyes.“She’sasecretninja.”

“You fucking ninja kicked?” Gabriel gasped at me. “I missed that? Someone go steal one of those

phonesthatrecordedeverything.Didwegetthatoncamera?Dowehavecamerasthere?Ineedtoseeit.”

“Stop,”Victorsaidtohim.
“No,”Gabrielsquaredoffhisshoulders.Hesmirked.“AndyouoweSangabeating,too.”
Thatremindedme.“Ithinkmyphoneismissing,”Isaidquietly.
“Yeah,Ifoundit,”Victorsaid.Hepulleditoutofhisbackpocket.Thefrontglasswassmashed.The

buttononthefrontcavedin.“I’llgetyouanewone.”

“No…”
“Don’targuewithme.You’regrounded,”Victorsaid.“You’renotallowedtoargue.”
“HowlongamIgroundedfor?”Iasked.
“Forever,”VictorstatedbeforeGabrielcouldsayit.Hismouthtwistedintoasmile.
IpulledawayfromKotatobrushapalmacrossmyeyes.“Youallaresomean.”
Northstartedlaughing.Silasgrinned,hiseyestwinkling.Theotherschuckled.
Mr.Blackbourneshookhisheadatus.“We’vegotworktodo,gang,”hesaid.Heturnedtome.“I’m

sorry,”hesaid.“Canyouhangonforawhilelonger?”

Inodded,swallowingbacknerves.“I’vemadeitthisfar.”
Mr.Blackbournetiltedhisheadatme,seemingconfusedbymywords.“You’reacrazylittlegirl,”he

said.

“Yeah,”Kotasaid,beaming.Hedroppedapalmonmyhead,rubbingatmyscalp.“Shebelongswith

us.”

Nathanwrappedanarmaroundmyshoulders.Luke’shandfoundmineagain.Forthefirsttime,Ithink,

Ididn’tblinkthattheyweretouchingmeorthatwewereholdinghands.Inthatmoment,itfeltlikeitwas
usagainstaschoolthatdidn’twantusthere.IhadbeencompletelyunpreparedforAshleyWaters.Ifit
wasn’tfortheboys,Idon’tthinkIcouldhavegottenawaywithbeingtheempty,invisiblepersonIhad
expectedtobe.AroundKotaandtheothersfromtheAcademy,Iwasbecomingapartofsomething.We
were a team. I didn’t understand exactly what I was doing. What I did know was how desperately I
neededthem.

AndasImettheireyes,shining,lookingbackatme,Iunderstood.Theyneededme,too.
Therewasalotmoretodo.Weweredoingittogether.

~A~

M

r. Blackbourne,’s encoded GPS unit guided him to the jam-packed restaurant in downtown

Charleston.Hewasearly,andwaitedthethirtyminutesinsidehiscar,wonderingaboutthebackground
check he’d requested for Sang Sorenson. His Academy contact had insisted on meeting him in person.
That alone told him there was something important to say. He hated for his team to get their hopes up
aboutagirltheymighthavetokeepatadistance,orworse,avoidcompletely.Theydidn’tknowenough
abouthertomakesuchadecision,buttonight’sreportshouldtellhimeverythingheneededtoknow.

Hewaspessimistic.Academycontactsdidn’tcallyououtintheopenforgoodnews.
He slipped his glasses up the bridge of his nose while watching a familiar, nondescript black sedan

parkacrossthelot.Mr.Blackbourneheldback,waitingfortheoldergentlemangettingoutofhiscarto
entertherestaurant.Mr.Blackbournelefthiscar,hittingthebuttononhiskeysandknowinghiscontact
wouldhearthedistinctbeepofhiscarannouncingitwaslockingup.

Therestaurantwasanaverageburgerandfriesshack,butitservedthepurposetheyneeded:neitherof

them had been there in a while so they would be unfamiliar and forgettable faces, it was overcrowded
already, and they’d had Kota there earlier sweeping for bugs before the evening started. It was highly
unlikelytheirrandommeetingwasgoingtobecontaminatedwithrecordingdevicesofanykind,butKota
alsoensuredsecuritycameraswouldn’tberecordingthatevening.

He’dbrokenthecomputer’sharddrivesthatstoredthedataandcutthefeedsthatlinkedtotelevisions.
Itwasoverkillfortheirneeds,buttheAcademypreferredit.StudentsoftheAcademyknewtoalways

be ready and never expose yourself unless you had to. Overkill actions gave them their advantage in
everythingtheydid.

Mr.Blackbournejoinedhiscompanionataboothneartheback.Theywerecrowdedinbutthemore

people,thebetter.

“How’s it going?” the man said, standing up and a friendly smile warming his face, revealing his

familiaritywithMr.Blackbourne.Hiseyeswereblue,andgentleagespotskissedthecrestofhischeeks.
His white hair was thinning on top. He held out a hand toward Mr. Blackbourne. “Nice to see you,
Owen.”

ThesoundofhisfirstnamebeingspokennearlymadeMr.Blackbourneflinch.He’dhadhisownteam

callhimMr.Blackbourneforyearsforthesakeofestablishingthesenseofseniority–difficulttodoat
nineteen when his team members were only three years younger than himself. Other Academy members
calledhimthesame,evenDr.Green.Hedidn’tneedtobesoformalwithanyonetheyworkedwithbuthe
preferredformality.“It’sapleasuretoseeyouagain,Dr.Roberts.”

“WillyoupleasejustcallmePhil?Youmakemesoundold,”themansaid,hiswrinklygrinbetraying

hisagefurther.HenoddedtoMr.Blackbourneandsliddownintothebooth’sseat.“Ilikethisplace.The
foodisexcellent.IwishIcouldcomeheremoreoften.”

“It’sinteresting,”Mr.Blackbournesaid,sittingacrossfromhiscompanion.“Ipreferquieterplaces.”
“Ofcourse.”Philsettledbackintohisseat,crossinghisarmsoverhischestandgrinning.“Afriendof

mine told me you were interested in acquiring a little bird. I thought you were strictly a dog person,
myself.”

This was code. Dogs were males. Mr. Blackbourne’s mind flashed images of Sang Sorenson at the

mentionofabird.“There’saparticularlyremarkableoneIhearisinneedofadoption,andhasafondness

forotheranimals.”

“Hasshebeentrained?”
“We’vejustbeenintroduced,althoughsheshowspotential.”
Phil’seyesfocusedonthemenusplayedoutinfrontofhim.“Doessheknow?”
Mr.Blackbournewashopingthiswasn’tgoingtobeasked.Heopenedhismenu,holdingituptomask

hismouth.Itwasprobablyoverkillforsuchaplace,buthewantedtobeextracarefulwhendealingwith
anythingthatinvolvedSang.“Sheknowsweexist.Sheknowsourcoverstoryatthepublicschool.She
doesn’tknowthefullstorybutitwon’ttakeherlong.She’sclever.”

Philnodded,smilingwide.“Ididn’tthinkyou’dconsidersomeonewithoutthatbeingevident.Isshe

cute?”

Mr. Blackbourne attempted to mask his displeasure at Phil’s attempt at teasing. Yes, Sang Sorenson

wascute.Thatwashalfofhisproblemwithherrightnow.Heknewwhatthiscouldleadto.Hiscarefully
chosenAcademyfamilycouldbetornapartbySang.Shehadthepowertobringeverythinghe’dworked
fordownwithasinglelookifshedesired.Onlyshedidn’tknowshehadthatability,andthatmadeher
moredangerous.

TheAcademydislikedthethoughtofabirdjoininganalldogteamforthatveryreason.Disliked,but

didn’tforbiditentirely.It’shappenedsuccessfullybefore.It’dbeenanunusualteam,butitworked.Sang
wasunexpected,andMr.Blackbourneatfirstdoubtedshewouldhavestuckaround.

Butwildcircumstances,andKota’sinsistence,pushedherontotheirAcademyfamily.Whentheguys

had accepted her, she dismissed their curious behavior and stuck by them. She’d taken every blow his
team had received at that school and bounced back, standing strong beside them ate every turn. It
surprisedhimthefirsttimewhenhelearnedSanghadjumpedintothefighttosaveGabriel.Shedidn’t
knowGabrielcoulddefendhimselfsohehadn’tberatedherforit,andactuallyadmiredhercourage.

AtFridayFall,however,everythingchangedinhisperspective.Afterhearingthereportsandanalyzing

therecordedvideoscollectedbycellphones,SangSorensondisplayedabackboneandloyaltyshe’dkept
suppressedinhertimid,outwardappearance.Hecouldn’terasetheimageofherbeautifullyexoticface,
hertremblingbodywrappedupinKota’sarmsafterthefight.Ifithadn’tbeeninappropriate,hewould
havedoneithimself.

Herallurehadnotgoneunnoticedbyanyoneonhisteam.Hesawitintheireyes.
He almost wanted to say this out loud in an effort to ask for advice from a senior member, but was

savedbythewaitresscomingovertoasktheirorder.Herinterruptiongavehimenoughtimetorealizethat
hecouldeasilyloseSangtoanotherteam.Herecantedhisideaforadvice,ashedidn’twanttotalkup
Sang.

AdoptionintotheAcademyfamilywasn’tthesameasbeingacceptedintotheAcademyasanofficial

member.AnyofficialAcademymembercouldformallyadoptanyonetheywished.Adoptedfamilyofthe
Academy meant protection and financial security for life. It relieved the burden of having to handle
personal family problems on a singular team member, and shifts it to the entire Academy, and their
expansiveteamsofvariouslevelsofexpertise.Lawyers,doctors,scientists,evenconstructionsworkers
andprivateinvestigatorswerethestapleofwhatwastheAcademy.

They kept their circles tight, usually blood relations and close friends were restricted to the family

memberwhohadadoptedthem.

Potentialfutureofficialmembers,thosenotrelatedtoanyteammember,couldbeadoptedbyanyone.

Hedidn’twantanyoneelselearningtoomuchaboutherandpossiblyluringherontotheirteamsinstead.

Adoptingabirdordogmeantyourteambecametheleadteam.AnyfurtherAcademyinteractionwith

the adopted had to be directed through the lead team. It’d make it harder for another section of the
AcademytotrytotalkSangintojoiningthem.Harder,butnotimpossible.

Itwasselfish,buthewasallowedtobeselfishabouthisownteam.

They ordered uninteresting burgers, fries and sodas. The waitress glazed her eyes over them with a

tiredsmileanddisappearedagain.

“Owen,”Philsaid,“You’vegottobecarefulwiththesethings.Birdsareverydelicatecreatures.It’s

noteasytoadoptone,givenyoursituation.”

“I’veconsideredthat,”Mr.Blackbournesaid,knowinghemeantallthedogsonhisownteam.
Philwavedafingerintheair.“Whoinstigated?”
“Mr.Lee.”
“Andtheteam?”
“Allapproved.”
Philsighed,runninghisfingersthroughthewhitehairabovehisear.“ThenIhatetobringthisup.”
Mr.Blackbournejerkedhisheadback.“What?”
Philtwistedhislips,asifhesitatingtorespond.“Youaskedforabackground.”
“Yes?”Mr.Blackbournesaid,notwantingtosoundsoanxiousbutafterlettingSanggetsoclose,he’d

hatetolearnshewasdisqualified.Itdidn’tseemlikely.Sheattractedtroublebutshedidn’tseemtobean
initiator.

Philgrinned.“It’snotthatbad.Relax.”
Mr. Blackbourne bit back a grumble at Phil’s hesitation, wanting to tell him to start talking as he so

easilytoldhisteamtodo.“Whatisit?”

Philglancedaroundtheroom,asifcheckingforanyonethatcouldbelisteningin.Heleanedoverthe

table.“She’sclean.”

Mr.Blackbournescrunchedhiseyebrows.Whywasthisbad?Clean,forAcademypurposes,meantno

criminal history and no bad record at school. Phil still frowned in a way that made Mr. Blackbourne’s
bodyrattleunwillingly.“Explain.”

“Imeanshe’sabsolutelyclean.We’vegotabirthcertificateandasocialsecuritycard,andeventhose

aresketchy.That’sit.”

Thatdidn’tsoundright.“Medicalrecords?”
“None.Notone.She’sgotashotrecordonfilewiththeschoolsshe’sbeenwith,butthecorresponding

doctorsdon’thaveheronfile.She’snotonhealthinsurance.Theydon’tclaimherontheirtaxes.She’s
evenmissedeveryschoolphotodaysincekindergarten.”

Mr.Blackbourne’slipsparted.“Doyoumean--?”
“She’saghost,”hesaid.“We’redoublecheckingonthebirthcertificate,butourfirstansweronthat

hascomebackasnegative.It’safake.Yourbirddoesn’texist.”

Mr.Blackbournefellbackagainsttheboothseat,hispalmsrestingonthetabletopandhiseyeswide.

“Couldshebe…Imean,couldshehavebeenkidnapped?”

“We want to check DNA from the family and find out. I’d like to know before conducting a goose

chase.ButiftheDNAchecksoutandshe’stheirs,then…”

“Iknow,”Mr.Blackbournesaid.Hedidn’tliketointerruptsomeoneolderthanhimselfbuthecouldn’t

helpit.Itwastoomuchtosayitoutloud.AghostbirdwasrareamongtheAcademy.

Ghost birds, or dogs, were kids without much history to their names. It wouldn’t take much to erase

their existence completely. A slipped fold of bills across a school secretary’s desk could erase a
transcript. Medical records and federal records were complicated. Without a medical history, a dental
record,orapolicerecord,itwouldn’ttakemuchtomakeSangSorensoncompletelyinvisible.

Shewaspriceless.
Thatalsomeantthatifshequalified,Academyteamswouldbehoundinghertojoinwiththem.Thisis

what Phil meant when he said he hated to bring this up. He wouldn’t want to see Kota’s or the others’
hopesforSangdashedwhenanotherteamswoopedinandtookher.

They were already at a disadvantage for being an all dog team. The Academy rarely gave outright

orderstoanyteamfamilies,mostlyonlystrongsuggestions.Togoagainstastrongsuggestionthough,like
notlettingagirlintoanall-maleteam,oftenmeantaddingheavilytoateam’sfinancialandfavordebt.

“Doesanyoneelseknow?”Philasked.
Mr. Blackbourne was about to answer, but their food arrived. This meant following decorum and

eatinginsilenceasiftheywerehungry.Theanticipationofcountlessquestionsetchedintheirfacesas
theyforcedthemselvestoswallowfriesandburgers.

“No,”Mr.Blackbourneadmittedfinallywhenhe’dclearedareasonablehalfofhisplate.“There’sno

oneelseworkingwithourteamrightnow.Nocontractors,either.Yourteamandmineonly.”

Theoldermannodded.“That’llkeepherasecretfornow,butonlyforsolong.Thisrecentincident

didn’thelp.”

Mr.Blackbournenodded.Sang’sinvolvementinthefightnearlyriskedherAcademycareerbeforeshe

knewitexisted,includinghersevereadvantagethey’djustdiscovered.Luckilyhehadbeenabletotalk
Greg’sfamilyoutofalawsuitorpressingcharges,butonlywiththepromisethatSangcouldalsopress
charges for sexual assault and attempted murder. The fall over the balcony could have killed her if she
wasn’ttrained,andmostofthewitnessessaidGreghadpushedherover,thatalongwithseveralphone
andsecurityvideos.Withthenewinformation,he’dhavetodestroythempermanentlynow.Itwasarisk
ifGreg’sparentschangedtheirminds.They’dhavenovideoproof.

“Whichremindsme,”Philsaid.“Shewastakentooneofourhospitalwings.X-rays,youknow…”
“I will incur,” he said absently, reciting the familiar line for taking on Academy family members’

financial and favor debts. Only official Academy members could incur. He knew if he didn’t, his other
teammemberswouldhavedonesolater.Hesimplywantedthematterclosednow.

Philnodded,asifexpectingthis.“Youhaven’ttakenadebtpersonallysinceyoustartedwithus.You

andSeanGreen,theyoungestevertopayoffbothfinancialandfavordebt.Ouryoungestgraduatesever
forthatmatter.”

“I’mstillinthepositive,”Mr.Blackbournesaid.Academydebtmeantlittletohim.Hecouldeasily

refill his accounts on his own. He would ensure his foothold in the positive side for several years,
possiblyhisentirelife,bytheendofthisschoolterm.Thatisifhemanagedtogethisteamthroughthis
yearatpublicschoolwithouttoomanymoreincidents.

“You’llhavetobemorecareful.”
Mr.Blackbournenodded,pushinghisplateaway.“Itrustwecankeepthisbetweenourfamilies?”
“You have my word,” Phil said. “I can’t promise she won’t go unnoticed. Your team is observed

carefully,especiallynowthatthey’rereadilyexposed.She’sboundtobedetectedbytheothers.”

“It’sariskwe’lltake,”Mr.Blackbournesaid.Hedidn’tbegrudgeanyonewantingtotakeonSangfor

theirteam.Hestillknewlittleaboutthegirlhimself.WhathehadtogoonwasKotaandtheothers,who
seemed determined to include her as part of their family. He knew with their particular team, it was
probably because of her private family life. They’re team was built on broken family problems. He
suspected Sang was the same and thus why Kota was desperate to include her. He wanted to save her
from something. If they fully adopted her, they would have to find out what the problems were and
eliminatethem.

Mr. Blackbourne wasn’t sure if they realized she was also a potential future candidate for official

Academymembership.

And if that was true, and she was qualified, he had to review the case of that other team that had a

groupofdogsandasingularbird.Hemadeamentalnotetogivetheteamacall,buthewasn’tsurehow
to approach the group without alerting others about Sang’s existence. He didn’t know them personally.
AnyAcademyteamwouldbecuriousaboutasinglebirdateamdidn’twanttoshare.

Philcollectedthecheck,pullingoutcashanddroppingthepriceofthemeal,plusareasonabletip.The

Academywasnormallyverygenerous,exceptwhentheyweretryingtobeforgettable.“Idon’tsuppose

you’llconsideramerger.”

Mr.Blackbourne’seyebrowsscrunchedtogether.Mergingteams?“You’rekidding.”
Phil chuckled as he shoved the receipt into his wallet. “Don’t dismiss us old dogs. Ours might be a

littleoutdatedbutwe’realotlikeyourteam.Wealreadyworktogether.Ithinkwe’dgetalongwell.”

“I’llbringitupatfamilymeeting,”Mr.Blackbournesaid,buthewasprettysureKotaandtheothers

would decline. They appreciated the Academy for what they could do for them, and the promise that it
heldovertheirheads,buttheywerecloseknit,likemanyoftheindividualteams.Theywouldn’tliketo
mergewithoutagoodreason.Largergroupsmeantitwasharderforpersonalitiestogetalongwitheach
other.Working indirectly withother teams onoccasion wasn’t bad, asboth teams couldgo home at the
end of the day. A true team was around each other constantly, and you needed to be able to not just
tolerate,butappreciateyourentireteam’scompany.“Buttobehonest,you’lllikelyjusthavetofindyour
ownghostbird.”

Phillaughed.Mr.BlackbourneknewitwashighlyunlikelysomeonePhil’sagewouldbeaghost.Most

menandwomen,bythetimetheywereadults,gotstuckwithcollegetranscripts,marriagecertificatesand
a number of federal incidences, if not records. Tax records alone were nearly impossible to eliminate.
Theworksimplywasn’tworthit.

PhilgotupfromthetableandMr.Blackbournefollowedhimoutthefrontdoor.Theystoodtogether,

lookingoutintotheparkinglot,andbeyondtothedowntownCharlestonstreets.Trafficwassubdued.The
oceanbreezepickeduparoundthem,stirringfallenleavestodanceinthestreet.

“So,”Philsaidashefishedhiskeysfromhispocket.“Areyouadoptingthislittlebirdintoyourfamily

now?”

Mr.Blackbournehadalottobringbacktohisteammembers,butheconsideredalsonottellingthem

aswell.He’dtellSeanGreen,ofcourse.Hetoldhimeverything.Togethertheywouldmakeadecision
forthewholegroup.

ButshouldtheyexposeSangasajewel,possiblytobenegotiatedwith?HewonderedhowcloseKota,

North and the others were to her. With Sang, they could eliminate all their debts right now, including
Kota’sandGabriel’s,whosedebtswerethemostsevere.

Hehadafeeling,though,thatKotawouldresistthis,andhewasprettysuretheotherswould,too.He

recalled the way Kota held her after the fight, how the others gazed at her during classes when they
temporarilyforgottheywerebeingwatched.Heknewtheyheldhandsthroughthehallway.He’dcaught
himself gazing at her in that same way on occasion. Three years’ age difference wasn’t much, but right
now,itwastwoyearstoomanyforhimtoeverconsidertryingtogetclose.

Atleastfornow.
No.Itwastoolate.Sang’sallurehadalreadywonthemover.Sangwasgrowingonhisfamily.Ifthey

wanted to keep her, they’d have to win her over, too. The Academy was a choice. Your team was a
choice.Youcouldalwaysleave,alwayschooseanotherteam,orworkaloneatwill.

Iftheywantedtokeepher,they’dhavetoearnhertrustandloyalty.Mr.Blackbourneknewtheanswer

towhethertheywouldtry.

Hecouldalreadyheartheresoundingvoicesofhiseightcompanionsifhetriedtoaskwhatheshould

do.

“Iamwilling,”hetoldDr.Roberts,repeatingthelinesthatmadeheradoptionofficial.“Andmyteam

willincur.”

T

HE

E

ND

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Friendsvs.Family(ComingSoon!)

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TurnthePageforaSneakPeekofBookThreeinTheAcademySeries,

Friendsvs.Family.

READANEXCERPTFROMTHENEXTBOOKINTHEACADEMY

SERIES

TheAcademy

Friendsvs.Family

YearOne

BookThree

byC.L.Stone

S

ECRET

L

IVES

Idreamedawindsweptthrough,lacedwithfireandblindinganyonethatitcameacross.Iwastied

toatree,unabletododgeitnomatterhowIstruggled.AllIcoulddowaswaitwhatwascomingfor
me.PartofmefeltlikeIdeservedit.

“

S

ang?”avoicewokemefrommydream.

Isatupinbed,shivering,confused.Itwasdawn.Myalarmhadn’tgoneoffyet.
Aknocksoundedatthedoor.“Sang?”myfathercalled.“Areyouawake?”
Wassomethingwrong?Washegoingtothehospitalwithmymother?Ikickedbackmyblankets,my

heartrattlinghardagainstmyhalf-asleepbody.Myfathernevercametomydoorunlesssomethingwas
wrong.Iswallowedbackmyfears,smoothingmyt-shirtonmybodyasithadcreptupmystomachwhile
Iwassleeping.WhenIwasdecent,Iopenedmybedroomdoor,peekingout.

Myfatherloomedinthehallway,dressedindarkslacks,whitecollaredshirtandtie.Asuitcoathung

offofhisarm.Ifhewasgoingtothehospital,hewasn’tgoingtobewearingthat.Hepeeredinatmewith
hisdarkeyes.

Iopenedthedoormore,tiltingmyhead.“What’swrong?”Iasked.
“I’m going on a business trip,” he said. He nodded toward the stairwell, to the direction of his

bedroom, where my mother was likely still sleeping. “I won’t be back for a couple of days. I need to
make sure you get your mother to eat something while I’m gone. You know how she gets when she
doesn’t.”

I nodded. Since I was about nine years old, my mother had been sick. She first went in for a sinus

infectionbutcamebackweekslaterwithbottlesofmorphineforanillnessIwasn’tprivilegedtoknow
about. She’d never been the same since, traversing in and out of hospitals almost as often as I went to
school.

Herillnesswasbadenoughasitwas.Thedrugs,however,madeherparanoid.MysisterandIspent

mostofourchildhoodandearlyteenageyearsathermercy,keepingusisolatedinourrooms.Shetoldus
thatmenwouldrapeus;monsterswouldkidnapandkillus.Ifwedisobeyed,ifweleftthehouseandshe
foundoutwe’dtalkedtoanyoneoutsidethefamily,shepunishedusbygettingustokneelinriceorsiton
astoolforhoursatatime.Ifshedidn’teat,didn’ttakehermedicine,thepunishmentsgotworse.

“Whereareyougoing?”Iasked.ItwasFriday,andnotonlydidIhaveschool,butIalsohadsomething

secrettodowiththeAcademy.I’dhavetohopeitwouldn’ttakeallday.

“Mexico,”hesaid.“I’llbebacksoon.Tellyoursister.”
Marie,myoldersister,wasprobablystillasleepacrossthehall.Iwonderedwhyhetoldmeandnot

her. I couldn’t remember the last time he went on a business trip. I usually didn’t notice until he was
alreadygone.Ihardlysawhimanyway,hewasalwaysworking.Ithadmewonderingwhyhementioned
itthistime.Maybeheexpectedtobegonelonger.

He marched down the stairs, turned the corner and was gone. A moment later, the sound of his car

starting echoed through the house. His suitcase must have already been in the car. Telling me he was
leavingwaslikeanafterthought.Nogoodbyes.Nopromisestocall.

Ahollowhouseholdwithhollowpeople.Wedidwhatwehadtodo.

The shower that morning was almost too chill for my liking. No matter how much I twisted the hot

waterhandle,Icouldn’tgettheheat.Itwasperfecttiming,sincemyfatherhadalreadyleft.Iwasn’tsure
howtofixit.Ithoughtofmentionittotheguyslater.Kota,Northoroneoftheothersmightknow.

Igotdressedforschoolinshortsandablouse.WhenIwasready,Iwenttothekitchendownstairs.I

foundsomecrackersinthecabinetandgrabbedayogurtcupandaspoon,alongwithabottleofwater.I
tiptoedthroughthequiethousetowardmyparents’bedroom.

Mymotherwasslumpedoverherpillow,hermouthopenandshewassnoring.Hermostlygrayinghair

waspulledbackinaponytail,recentlybrushedoutandfixedup.IfIdidn’tknowanybetter,shelooked
almostnormal,peaceful.

I didn’t want to wake her. I dropped the crackers and everything onto her bedside table. I hoped it

wouldbeenoughifshewokeupandwashungry.

Somethingglintingunderthebedcaughtmyeye.Icheckedmymotheragaintomakesureshewasn’t

goingtowakeup.Idroppedtomykneesnexttothebed,duckingmyhead.

There was an open shoebox on its side under her bed. I recognized her handwriting on some of the

notes that spilled out. The silver metal glint was a picture frame. The picture was a little faded, and it
tookamomentformetorealizeitwasmymother.Shehadtohavebeennomorethantwentyorsoatthe
time the picture was taken. Her hair was longer then, and her eyes clearer, sharper than I’d ever
remembered.

ItwasinthatmomentthatIcouldn’trecalleverseeingapictureofanyoneinmyfamily.Ididn’tthink

sheownedacamera.Whyhadn’titoccurredtomebefore?Itwasasmallthing,butsomethingthatnever
crossedmymind.

This photograph, as far as I knew, was the only one of any of us in the entire house. She’d kept it

hidden.

Thesightofthishadmyheartthunderinginmychest.Whywasitunderherbed?Didshenotlikeit?

Shedidn’twantanyoneknowingshehadit.Didmydadknow?

Therewereotherobjectsintheboxaswell,needlesandoldbottlesofprescriptionmedication,some

datingbackbeforeIwasborn.

Ididn’twanttogothroughherprivatethingsorgetcaughtdoingso.Iclosedthelidforher,slipping

theboxbackunderneaththebedagain.Iscrambledtogetoutofherroom.

Iwouldletherkeephersecrets.Ihadmyowntodealwith.Addingherstominerightnowwastoo

much.Ineededtogettoschool.

That afternoon, I was flat on my back in a thin, pale green hospital gown as I waited for the MRI

machine to start. The guys had taken me to this nondescript medical building in downtown Charleston
with the promise that my parents wouldn’t learn about where I was or why. I’d skipped my last three
periodsofclasstogethere,withMr.Blackbournecoveringforme.Iwasn’tsurehowlateitwas.Iwas
worriedwewererunningshortontimeformetogetbackintomyneighborhood,preferablybeforemy
mothernoticedIwaslatefromschool.

“Justlaystillforasecond,MissSang,”Dr.Green’svoicefilteredthroughtomeinoverheadspeakers.
Itwasdifficulttobestill.TheroomwascoldandthetableIwasonrattledwiththemovementofthe

MRImachine.Iwasnaked,exceptforthethingownaroundme.IknewLuke,Gabriel,Victor,Nathan,and

KotawereprobablywatchingfromthesameroomDr.Greenwassittingin.

Ishiftedmyheadtotheside,tryingtoglimpseintotheglasswindowwhereIknewtheywerestanding,

butfrommyposition,andtheglareofthefluorescentlightsoverhead,Icouldn’tseetheirfaces.

“Isaidbestill,MissSang.Youcantalkifyouwant,butdon’tmove.”
“Youmightwanttolistentohim,MissSorenson,”saidthedisembodiedvoiceofDr.PhilipRoberts.

I’dmethimbrieflybeforetheychasedmeintotheMRIroom.HewasfromtheAcademy,Iknew,with
whitehairandage-spottedcheeks.HewasDr.Green’smentorandsupervisorforDr.Green’sinternship
andresidency.Ilikedhimimmediately.“Ifyoumove,ittakeslonger.Wemighthavetostartover.”

“It’scold,”Isaid,shivering.
Kota’svoicecutthrough.“Didn’tyouwearshortsandthatpinkshirttoschooltoday?”
Iblinked,andworriedifblinkingcountedasmoving.“Yes.”
“Why’dyoutakethoseoff?Theydidn’thaveanymetal.Youcouldhavewornthem.Itprobablywould

havebeenalittlewarmerthanthegown.”

Mymouthpoppedopen.“Luke!”
TherewassnickeringinthebackgroundfrombothLukeandGabriel.
“Ihateyoubothrightnow,”Isaid.
“Oy,Trouble.You’vegottohavethefullhospitalexperience.”
“Yeah,Sang,”Lukesaid.“Riteofpassage.”
Igrumbled.Earlier,itsoundedreasonablewhentheytoldmeIjusthadtoputthegownon.Afterall,I

wasinahospitalandabouttogointoaverylargemachine.Medicaldramasontelevisionalwaysshowed
peopleinthegowns.I’dneverbeentothedoctorbefore.HowwasIsupposedtoknow?

Victor’ssweetbaritonevoicesoundedthroughthespeakers.“Doyouwantablanket?”
“Shecan’thaveonenow,”Kotasaid.“She’sinthemiddleoftheMRI.”
“Wecanstartitover,”Victorsaid.“Shesaidshe’scold.”
“She’stough.Shecantakeit.Can’tyou,Sang?”
Isighed.“Maybe.”IknewIcould,Ijustwantedtogrumble.Itdistractedmefromtheloudmachineand

movingpartsaroundme.Theywerekindofscary.

“Thismachinecostsanarmandalegjusttopushthe‘go’button,”Dr.Robertssaid.
“I’llpayforit,”Victorsaid.
“We’realreadystarted,”Kotasaid.“Letherfinish.She’llbefine.”
TherewasasoftlyspokenprotestfromVictorbuthequieted.
Iswallowedbackmycomplaints.IthoughtofNorthandSilas,whowereprobablygettingreadyfor

footballpracticeoutinninetydegreeweather.They’dprobablylovetorelaxinacoolroomrightnow.

Nathanspoke,“Yourankledoesn’thurt,doesit?”
“Noworsethanusual,”Isaid,althoughhisquestioncausedmetofocusonmyfoot.AfterFridayFall

andI’djumpedfromthesecondfloortothefirst,I’dendedupwithwhatDr.Greenthoughtatfirstwasa
sprained ankle. It’s been a couple of weeks and I was still limping, despite applying ice packs and the
boys’beratingmetositdownandrestit.Icouldn’thidemypainwalkingthroughschoolandDr.Green
insistedonbringingmeinforanMRI,sincethefirstX-raydidn’tshowabrokenbone.

“Givemeafewmoreminutes,”Dr.Robertssaid.“We’llfindoutwhat’sbotheringyou.”
“It’sprobablynothing,”Iinsisted,likeI’ddoneforweeks.“Ifitisn’tbroken,thereisn’tmuchelsethat

willfixitbesidesrestingit,right?”

“Willyouletusdoctorsdothedoctoringhere,please?”Dr.Robertssaid.“She’samisssmarty-pants,

isn’tshe?”

Gabrielchuckled.“IfIhadn’talreadynicknamedherTrouble,IprobablywouldhavegonewithSmart

Ass.OrPrettyAss.Ican’tdecide.”

“Ugh,”Isaid,gratefultheMRImachinewashidingmyblushing.

TheAcademy

Friendsvs.Family

YearOne

BookThree

Comingsoonfrom

ArcatoPublishing

ABOUTC.L.STONE

Ce rtification

MarvelourofWonder

ActiveParticipantofScarySituations

OfficialMemberofF.A.M.E.

Expe rie nce

Spentanextraordinarynumberofyearswithabsolutelynocontroloverthecappingofimagination,fun,
and curiosity. Willingly takes part in impossible problems only to come up with the most ludicrous
solution.Duetounfortunatecircumstances,willnolongerexperiencefeelingonasmallspotonmyleft
calf.

Skills

SecretKeeper|OccasionRiser|BarefootWalkerStrangeAcceptance|MagicMaker|Restless

Reckless|GravityDefiant|FairyTaleReader|StoryMaker-Upper|AmusinglyBaffled|Comprehensive

Curiousness|UsuallyUnbelievable