SOLDINNOCENCE
ADARKBADBOYROMANCE
SKYCORGAN
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Contents
CHAPTERONE
AUBREY
WhathaveIgottenmyselfinto?Everyfiberofmybeingistellingmetorun,tojumpoffofthis
stage,toflythroughthedoubledoorsleadingoutofthisroomandneverlookback.It'sfartoolateforthat
now,though.
Ihadplentyofchancestobackout.Icouldhaveemailedtheorganizerandrenegedonmyoffer.I
couldhavenotshownup.OrIcouldhavetoldthemthatIhadchangedmymindwhenIdidshowup.
Ididn'tdothatthough.Iusedmydeterminationtoplaceonefootinfrontoftheother.Allofmy
sensesreceded,andmybodywentintoautopilot.Isuccessfullyshutoffthepartsofmethatthinkandfeel.
Itseemedsoeasyatthetime.Maybebecausenoneofthisseemedrealuntilnow.
There were moments when I was slipping into the plain black dress that my heart raced as I
consideredwhatIwasdoing.Havingmymakeupandhairdonehelpedtoputmymindatease.AsIgazed
atmyreflectioninthemirror,IthoughtofhowIlookedlikeamodel.Iimaginedmyselfstandingonstage
inoneoftheBroadwaymusicalsthatIlovesomuch.Thecrowdwascheeringforme.Howcouldtheynot
loveme?I'dbeenworkingtowardsthismyentirelife,moldingmyselfforthetheater.
ButIhavetotacklethisstagefirst.Astagefullofshameanddebasement.Ihavetogetthroughthis
ifIwantmydreamstocometrue.
Rememberwhyyou'rehere,Irepeatlikeamantraoverandoverinmyhead.Oncethisnightis
over,you'llhaveenoughmoneytopayfortherapyifyouneedit.Hopefully,you'llhaveenoughmoney
nottoeverhavetorelyonsomeoneelseagain.
Ikeepmyeyesforwardliketheorganizertoldmetobutmyperipheralvisionlockedonanything
otherthanthefacesinfrontofme.Lookingatthemspikesmyanxiety.Mypalmsareclammy,andIworry
thatperspirationhasmadeittomybrowtomessupthepoundsofcosmeticsI'mwearing.Themyriadof
lightsshiningdownfromthehotelconferenceroomceilingfeellikethey'resubtlyscorchingmyflesh.
Mytraitorousgazefallstothefacesaroundme,andIfeelfight-or-flightresponsekickin.Flight.
Flight.Flight.
No,Ican'trun.I'mcommittedtothis.
Somanypeople.No.Somanymen.
They're all wearing masks to conceal their identities. All of them are extremely wealthy,
influential,wellknown,oracombinationofthethree.IwonderhowmanyofthemI'drecognizeiftheir
faceswereexposed.Probablyonlyahandful.
I'llpretendlikethey'reactors.Yes,actorslikeme.Thatwillhelpmetogetthroughthis.
I'mtheoneonstage,though.I'mtheonethey'realllookingat.Well,meandtheothergirls.We're
being assessed. They're deciding what we're worth. It's degrading—makes a deep unpleasantness swirl
withinthepitofmystomach.
WhatI'mworth?
Notmeasaperson.What'smyvirginityworth?What'smyundividedsubmissionworth?
What'smyeducationworth?Iremindmyself.What'smyfreedomworth?
This is just one night. One night in exchange for the rest of my life. It will likely be a scarring
memorythatwillhauntmeforever,butitwillbeworthit.I'veconvincedmyselfofthatalready.Ican't
backoutnow.
Briefly,Iwonderwhowillwinme.Judgingfromhairalone,thedemographicofthemeninthe
roomismostlyoldergentlemen.Cantheyevenbecalledthat?Menwhoattendprivatesilentauctionsto
purchasethevirginityofnobody-barely-legalgirls.Consideringthattheycandowhatevertheywanttous
—there'snosafetyword—Idoubtthatgentleshouldbeinthesamesentence.
Somuchsaltandpepper.Somanywitheredhands.Morethanhalfthemenhereareoldenoughto
bemyfather.Manyoftheothersareoldenoughtobemygrandfather.Themasksdon'thideeverything.
Thiswilllikelybeanunpleasantexperienceforme.DefinitelynothowIhadevenenvisionedlosingmy
virginity.Definitelynotwhatmygrandparentshadhopedforforme.
TheyhadraisedmetobeaproperChristiangirl.Iwassupposedtosavemyselfformarriage.And
thatwasexactlywhatIhadintendedtodountil...
Isighinwardly.Ishouldhavestudiedharder.OrIshouldhavesavedmoremoneywhenIhadmy
part-timejobasadogbather.OrIshouldhavebeensmartenoughtoknowthatmymotherwasgoingtobe
stubbornuntiltheveryendandrefusetopayformycollege.
She wants me to follow in her footsteps and become a doctor. Medicine has never been my
passion, though. Acting is. She calls it a frivolous career choice. Few people who try to make it on
Broadwayeverachievetheirdream.Sheconsidersactingtobeahobby,notalifegoal.Butit'stheonly
thingthatI'veeverloved.
IwonderifsheeversuspectedhowfarIwouldgotomakemydreamscometrue.
My gaze drifts down the row of girls beside me. I can't help but wonder if any of them have
similar circumstances. What brought them here? Why sacrifice so much? I could have asked if I hadn't
arrivedatthelastpossibleminute.AssoonasIshowedup,Iwaswhiskedawaytothedressingroom,
hurriedintothisdress,andthentakentohairandmakeup.Therewasbarelyanytimetobreatheorthink.
Maybethat'sagoodthing,though.Becausetherewaslesstimetochangemymind.
Amanstopsinfrontofmejustbelowthestage.Heglancesupatmebeforetappinghisbidinto
his phone. There's a hollow pulse inside of my stomach. I do my best to smile and look pretty, but the
smileiscompletelyfake.He'sdapperinaclassictuxedobutiseasilyinhislatesixties.Ifeelillatthe
thoughtofhavinghishandsonme.AmIreallygoingtobeabletomakeitthroughthis?
Trytofindahappyplaceinsideofyou.Trytobenumb.Isthatevenpossible?Whenstrange
handsandastrangetongueandastrangecockarealloveryou.Insideofyou.
BileshootsupthebackofmythroatasIbegintopsychemyselfoutagain.Ican'tdothis.Ican't.I
just...
“Thank you for your time, gentleman.” The coordinator steps onto the middle of the stage. “The
auctionisnowclosed.Thoseofyouwhohavewonwillhaveyourladyorladiesdeliveredtoyourroom
shortly.”
Thespeedofmyheartbeatdoubles.
Was I so lost in thought that I missed the prior announcement that the auction would be ending
soon?Wasthereevenone?MybodyissoabuzzwithaflurryofuncertainemotionsandanxietythatIfeel
drugged.Ican'tbedruggedthough.Ihaven'tdrunkoreatenanythingsinceIcamehere.
Thecoordinatornodstowardthestairs,andIfollowthelineofgirlsinfrontofmeoffstage.The
restofwhathappensisablur.IthinkI'mintoomuchshocktoprocessitall.Isimplyfollowalonglikea
robot,somehowmanagingtochokebackmyabilitytofeelagain.
Ablindfoldisplacedovermyeyes,thoughI'mnotsurewhy.Mygazefallstothegapbetweenthe
blindfoldandmyfacewhereIcanseemyfeetandtheredcarpetbelow.Someonetakesmebythearm
andstartsleadingmethroughthehotel.Icanonlyassumeit'samanbecausethehandisratherlarge.We
getontheelevatorandascendseveralfloors.There'snodingingoranyotherindicationwhenwepassa
floor,soIhavenoideahowhighwe'vegone.Theelevatorstops.ThenI'mledoffofitanddownahall.
Wepause,andthehandletsmyarmgo.Ihearabitofrustling,thenadoorlockclicksopenbefore
thehandleisturnedandthedoorcreakslightlyonitshinges.Myarmisgrippedagain,andI'mledinside.
Thecarpetchangesfromredtoforestgreen.Wedon'tventureveryfarintotheroombeforeI'mmadeto
haltagain.
“Waithere,”amasculinevoicesays.
Thehandleavesmyarmafinaltime,thenIhearfootstepsreceding.Thedooropensandcloses
again,andIknowthatI'malone.
Nowtheanxietysetsinagain.I'maloneinaroom,andthere'sapredatornotfaraway.Atleast,
themanwhoboughtmefeelslikeapredator.Ihaveabsolutelynoideawhathe'sgoingtodotomebeyond
havingsexwithme.Withnosafetywordandmypromiseoffullsubmission,thepossibilitiesareendless.
The worst part is that I'm not even sure what I'm getting for this yet. The numbers won't be
divulgedtomeuntiltheheinousactisover.That'ssoIdon'tdecidetorunawayifIdon'tgetthesumIhad
hopedfor.WhenIhadinquiredabouttheauctionoriginally,thecoordinatorhadtoldmethatsomegirls
wentforaslittleas$10,000whilethehighesthehadeverseenwas$1.8million.Iwouldbehappywith
anythingover$200,000.That'showmuchI'llneedtogetmyassociatesdegreehereandthentransferover
to Julliard in New York for my bachelor's in fine arts. Anything below that, and I'm definitely going to
hatemyselffortherestofmylife.
It'sabiggamble.Morethanlikely,mostgirlsdon'tevenmake$100,000atthis.Hopingtobeone
ofthehigherearnersisprobablymoreofapipedreamthanlandingaleadingroleonBroadway.Idon't
knowhowelseI'llcomeupwiththemoneytoattendJulliard,though,especiallysincemymotherisbeing
aselfishbitch.
Shecouldaffordtosendme.Shejustwon't.
I scowl, feeling frustration and depression snaking through me. It's easy to blame this on my
mother.MaybeitfeelsbettertothinkthatIhadnootherchoiceinthematter—thatthiswasmyonlyoption
left. I know it's not true. This is the desperate option. I'm hungry enough with ambition to sacrifice
everything.
Ibecomeincreasinglyrestlessastheminutestickby.Theurgetotakeoffmyblindfoldisgreat.I
maygetintroubleifIdo,though.Besides,it'sprobablybetterifIkeepiton.IfI'mlucky,myjohnwilllet
mewearittheentiretime.ThenImightcomeawayfromthislessscarred.
An image of the man standing before me below the stage passes through my mind, and I cringe
inwardly.Morethanlikely,whoeverboughtmeisgoingtobeinsufferablyold.No,Idefinitelydon'twant
toseehim.Feelinghimonmeisgoingtobebadenough.
Fortheloveofallthat'sholy,justhurryupalready.Myfeetarestartingtohurtintheseheels.
AndthemoretimeIhavetothink,thelessIwanttodothis.Surely,therehastobesomeotherwayto
comeupwiththecash.
I know that there's not. This is it. The fastest way to get what I want. Still, my morals are
screamingatmetoleave—thatit'snottoolate.ThetensioninsideofmeiswoundsotightlythatI'mabout
tosnap.I'llcountdowntoonehundred,Idecide.Ifhe'snotherebythen,I'lltakeitasasignfromGod
thatthisiswrongforme—thatthemoneywillmiraculouslyfallintomylapbysomeothermeans—and
I'llleave.
CHAPTERTWO
VASH
She'ssexonlegs,andshedoesn'tevenknowit.
I sit, observing her. The room is so ripe with sexual tension. I know she feels it. She feels all
kindsoftension.Icouldtellfromtheconferenceroomthatshewassodamneduncertainaboutwhatshe
wasdoing.Likemanyoftheothergirls,shehadahardtimekeepingafakesmileplasteredonherface.
Thedifference,though,wasthatshebarelytried.
Thatmadeherallthemoreappealing.Thatandthefactthatshewasacompleteknockout.Leagues
abovethegirlsstandingaroundher.Tinyinstaturewithcurvestoovoluptuousforhersmallframe.Big
tits.Thickthighs.Blonderingletsflowingdowntoherass.Herlargeblueeyestakeupagooddealofreal
estateonherporcelainface.It'salmostunrealhowphysicallyperfectsheis.
Ican'twaittohearhervoice.Icanalreadyimaginethatitsoundslikehoney.Sweetandhighand
young.Thenervousnessinfusedinitwillmakeherevenmoredesirable.
She has no fucking clue what I plan to do to her tonight. Thinking about how untainted she is, I
knew that she'd demand a high price. I desperately hope that everything on her profile is true. I'm not
naive enough to think that girls don't lie at these things. You can't exactly background check someone's
sexualhistory.Ifwhatshesubmittedwastrue,though,thenI'mgoingtodestroyhertonight.Aninnocent
Christiangirlabouttoberavagedbyademon.
ThinkingofallofthethingsIwanttodotohermakesmefeelwicked.Evil.Likeadick.ButIpaid
goodmoneyforthis,soI'mgoingtoenjoyittothefullest.Besides,sheknowswhatshesignedupfor.If
sheweren'twillingtodealwiththeconsequences,thenshewouldn'tbestandingbeforemerightnowina
too-shortblackdress.
Herbreathingisunsteady.Sheshiftsherweighteveryfewseconds.Herfeetprobablyaren'tused
totheridiculouslyhighheelstheymadeherwear.IstandasquietlyaspossibleandsmirkwhenIrealize
thatthetopofherheaddoesn'tevenreachmyshoulder.She'slikeadoll.AdollthatIplantofuckand
breakanddiscard.
MyGod,I'mgoingtogotohellforthis.Ijustknowit.
Mycockisalreadyswellinginmyslacks.Theneedtotouchherisalmostunbearable.Thecarnal
caveman part of me wants to rip off that dress, bend her over the bed, and fuck her cunt until she's a
panting,whimperingmessbelowme.Thatwouldbeawasteofmoneythough.Notthatfuckingherisa
wasteofmoney.Rushingitis.
ForasmuchasIspent,everymomentneedstobesavored.She'sgivingmeaninvaluablegift.Or
rather, I paid to take it from her. And despite all of the vile things I want to do to her, I don't want the
experiencetobesounpleasantthatit'sscarring.I'majerk,butI'mnotacompletemonster.Irealizethat
she'sahumanbeing—thatshehastolivewiththisfortherestofherlife.
Webothdo.
Anticipation is half the pleasure, I tell myself as I take a step closer to her, wondering if she's
aware of me yet. She doesn't seem so. There's no smile on her perfect face. She looks nervous and
generallyunhappy.Ican'thelpbutwonderifherfacewilllightupwithafakesmileonceIannouncemy
presence.
Partofmedoesn'twanttoseeit.I'vealwayshateditwhenpeopleactfake.Buthowelsewould
shereact?IsupposeI'mabouttofindout.
“Wouldyoulikeadrink?”Ikeepmyeyestrainedonherface,waitingforherreactionbeforethey
flashovertothebucketofchampagnethattheauctioncoordinatorhadsentuptomyroomearlier.
She's too young to drink. Lord knows, she's barely old enough to be fucked. I don't care much
abouttheillegalityofitthough.We'vealreadybothbrokenthelawtonight.Aglassofchampagnetoquell
hernerveswon'thurt.Besides,it'sthepolitethingtodo.
Thecornersofhermouthtwitchassheswallows,butshedoesn'tsmile.Icockasmirkatthefact
thatshe'sstillnottrying.Thatpleasesmefarmorethanitshould.Iwanteverythingtonighttoberawand
real.
“Abottleofwaterwouldbenice.”Hervoiceisjustasunsteadyasherbreathingwasmoments
ago.Herhandsinstantlyflytogetherinfrontofhertofidget.It'sasifshe'sforgottenallpoise.
“Iwasspeakingofalcohol.”
“Alcohol,”sheparrotsasifit'saforeignwordtoher.“No.No,thankyou.”
“Suit yourself.” I walk over to pop the cork on the bottle before pouring myself a glass. Then I
takeitbackovertothebedandsitontheedgetoobservehersomemore.
Hervoiceisn'tquiteashighasIhadimagined,morelikemilkchocolatethanhoney,butit'sstill
sweet. The way her full lips move when she speaks make my cock jerk. I can imagine them wrapped
aroundme,suckingmeoff.Itwillbemorethanafantasysoon.Iplantodeflowereveryoneofherholes
beforethenightisthrough.Iwantherbodytobelongtomecompletely.I'mgoingtotakeeveryoneofher
firststhatIcanpossiblythinkofsothattherewillbenothingleftforanyoneelse.Everytimeshethinksof
sexfortherestofherlife,she'llrememberme.
Iswirlthechampagneinmyglass,ahabitI'veacquiredfromdrinkingsomuchwine,beforetaking
asip.It'sdryandbubbly.Idon'timagineshe'dlikeitmuch.Shelookslikemoreofasweetalcoholtype
ofgirl.Iimaginethatwhensheturnstwenty-one,she'llbebuyingallofthefruitydrinksatthebar.Ifshe
doeseventuallyhaveatasteforwine,she'llprobablyonlydrinkMoscato.
“Youcantaketheblindfoldoffnow.”Letmeseethosebigbeautifuleyes.
She lifts her hands to her face but then hesitates. I can only imagine what she's thinking. The
conferenceroomwasfilledwitholdpoliticiansandbusinessmen.Iwaseasilyoneoftheyoungestguysin
theroom,andofustherewasonlyahandful.She'sprobablyexpectingthatshewasboughtbysomeone
with an endless supply of money and a limited time on this earth to spend it all. My supply of money
certainlyisnotendless.Thiswasasplurge.ThelastbigsplurgebeforeItrytogetbackonthestraight
andnarrow.Ineedtogetmyshittogether.Itdoesn'thurttohaveonelasthurrah,though.Andthisismy
hurrah. Her. Binging on her eighteen-year-old body. Getting all of the pent-up poison out of my system
beforeItrytogobacktobeingasaint.Well,maybenotacompletesaint,butafarbettermanthanIhave
beenlately.
She pushes the blindfold away from her eyes oh so slowly. The tension she's feeling is almost
palpable as she mentally prepares herself for the big reveal. I could be getting this all wrong, though.
Maybe she likes geezers. Maybe she doesn't care. She would have to have some lack of preference to
havemadeitthisfar.Hell,maybeshe'llevenbedisappointedthatI'myounger,havinghopedtonetsome
sugardaddynearhispointofexpiration.Idon'tfuckingknow,andIshouldn'tfuckingcare.
Finally, the blindfold comes off, and she blinks at me a few time. Then a soft blush covers her
cheeks.
Good.Shelikeswhatshesees.Steponeofmakingthisnotabsolutelyhorridforhercomplete,not
thatIhadtodoanythingbutbemyself.IknowI'mattractive.I'veneverhadtopayforsexbefore,norhave
Ieverhadahardtimegettinglaid.Thisisaspecialoccasion,though.
“Likewhatyousee?”Iaskboldly,raisingtheglasstomylipstotakeanothersip.
“You're...”hervoicetrailsoff,andsheavertshereyes.
“I'mwhat?”
Shedropsherhandsinfrontofher,fidgetingwiththestringsonthesilkblindfold.“Ijustthought
you'dbeolder.”
Ilaugh.“AreyoudisappointedthatI'mnot?”
“No.”Sheshakesherhead,lookingdemure.
“Areyouscared?”Ismirk.
“Alittle,”sheadmits.Itseemsthatshe'sstrugglingtomakeeyecontactwithme.Hernervousness
isshiningthrough.
“Ihavealotplannedforyoutonight.Perhapsyou'dliketotakealookaroundtogetanidea.”I
gesturearoundtheroom.TherearelittleEastereggshiddenallabout.I'veleftthevastmajorityofmytoys
out.IwantedtogetherreactiontoeachonebeforewebeginsothatIcangetanideaofwhatIwanttouse
onher.
She glances around the room before her eyes land on the flogger sitting on the nightstand. She
takesasharpinhaleofbreath,andhereyesgrowwiththefirstsignsoffear.
“Walkaround.Explore,”Iinitiatetheinvitationagainsinceherfeetseemgluedinplace.
Knowing that it was more of an order than a request, she gets to moving, taking small unsteady
steps. She makes an apprehensive beeline for the flogger, her fingertips whispering over the tails when
shereachesit.Shecastsanuncertainglancebackatmebeforemovingon.Asshewalks,Istareather
legs.Thedressridesupwitheverystep,andIsmirkasIwatchherpullitbackdownasifmodestyisan
issue.Soon,I'llhavehernakedwithherlegsspreadbeneathme.Seeingherassisnobigdeal.
She picks up a pair of nipple clamps from one of the tables and gives them a queer look. Her
curiosityismarredwithobviousdiscontent.Nodoubt,shethinksI'msomefuckeduppervert.Shehasno
idea.Butshealsohasnoideathatshe'llprobablylikealotofthestuffthatI'mgoingtodotoher.She'sa
blindlambthathasbeentaughtthatallofthisisasin.We'regoingtosinuntilshefindsheaveninit.And
afterward,she'llalwayswanttobeasinnerwhenshegoestobedwithaman.
Shedoesn'tevenfinishmakingtheroundsbeforeshereturnstothespotwhereshewasdelivered
tome.Sheditchedtheblindfoldalongtheway,andnowherhandshavefoundthemselvesentwinedand
fidgetingagain.
“So, Aubrey, what do you think?” I lock my gaze with hers. The moment is fleeting. She looks
awayagain,continuingtoavoidme.
“Idon'tknowwhattothink.”
“Didyouseeanythinginparticularthatyoulike?”Idownthecontentsofmyglassbeforestanding
towalkitovertothetableandsetitdown.Thefunisabouttobegin.
“Tobehonest,Idon'tknowwhathalfofthisstuffis.”
Musictomyears.Perhapssheiseverybitasinnocentasherprofilesuggested.
“Thenletmeshowyou.”
Islipmyhandsintomypocketsandwalkleisurelyover,stoppingseveralfeetinfrontofher.She
looksupatme,someoftheshynessfinallydissolvingashereyesdanceovermyface,perhapstryingto
figureoutwhoIam.There'snowaywe'veseeneachotherbefore.Iwouldrememberaknockoutlikeher.
AndI'mnotfamousorparticularlywell-known,soI'mnotconcernedwithherrecognizingme.Still,Iplan
tokeepthemaskontheentiretime.Discretionisbestwhendealingwithseedyinteractions.AndIama
professionalman, after all.While we're bothdoing something illegal, Ihave far moreto lose from this
thanshedoes.
“I'mpreparedtodowhateveryouneedmetodo,”shesayswithasmuchconfidenceasIimagine
shecanmuster.Herexpressionisseriouswithresolve,butitsoundsmorelikeshe'stryingtoconvince
herselfthanme.
Itakeafewstepsaroundher,stoppingathersidetowhisperintoherear.“I'mgladtohearthat,
becauseIhavesomuchplannedforyou.”
She shivers, her body tensing and pulling away from me slightly, though it's barely noticeable.
Wherebefore,shecouldhardlykeephereyesonme,she'swatchingmecloselynow.Hergazeisfixedon
apatchofmychest.Ihadunbuttonedthetopbuttonofmyshirtbeforeshewasdeliveredtome.I'mstill
wearingmyblazer,butitgivesapeekatwhat'sbeneath.FromasfarasIcantell,she'sjustasinterested
inknowingwhat'sundermyclothesasIaminwhat'sunderhers.
“Takeoffthedress,”Igivethefirstrealorderofthenight,andalongnightitwillbe.Mycock
throbsjustthinkingaboutit.
“Okay.” Her hands move to the bottom hem, and she unceremoniously pulls the tight ensemble
overherhead.It'salotlesssexythanitcouldhavebeen,butIknowshe'snotworkingveryhardtoplease
me.Morethanlikely,shejustwantstogetthisdoneandoverwithsothatshecancollecthermoneyand
leave.
Withinseconds,she'sstandingbeforemeinnothingbutablackbraandmatchinglacepanties.The
braissosmallthathertitslooklikethey'reabouttobustoutofit.Myfingersitchtotouchthem,toripthe
cupsdownandtakeoneofhernipplesintomymouthandsuckitintoahardpeak.
Allingoodtime.Keepyourshittogether.Tonightisaboutartjustasmuchasit'saboutsex.
You'renotgoingtoactlikesomepathetichornyteenagergettinghisrocksoffforthefirsttime.You're
farmorerefinedthanthat.
“Nowkneel.”Ipointtothefloor.
Surprisingly, Aubrey doesn't hesitate. She kneels before me, a vision of fucking innocent
perfection.Herlongcurlscascadeoverhershoulders,afewstrandsofhairframingherface.Hermouth
isperfectlycock-level.It'stakingeverythinginmenottotouchher.Iwanttofistmyhandintohertresses
andforce-feedhermydickuntilshechokesonit,butIknowthatshe'smoredelicatethansheletson.If
I'mtoorough,I'llprobablyscareheraway.Shemaybebought,butthetransactionisn'tcompleteuntilwe
havesex.Shecanleaveatanytime,butifIdon'tfuckher,shedoesn'tgetthemoney.
I walk over to the entertainment center and pick up a pair of padded leather restraints before
returningtoAubrey.“Putyourwristsbehindyourback.”
She minds like a good girl, and I quickly get to work binding her wrists. Once the cuffs are in
place,Istandandcirclebackaroundtofaceher.Shetugsontherestraints,tryingtopullherarmsaround
tolookatthem.Herexpressionispure'whatthefuck.'It'shighlyamusing.
Istraddleherlegs,mycrotchonlyinchesawayfromherface.Iexpecthertobackawayorlook
repulsed,butshedoesn't.Herfocusseemsinstantlyredirected,therestraintsonherhandsallbutforgotten
assheunabashedlystaresatmycockbeforeglancingupatme.Somethingunexpectedlydarktakesover
herexpression.
IdowhatI'vebeencravingtodoeversinceIfirstlaideyesonher.Irakemyfingersthroughher
hair,tossingitbackawayfromherface.Thestrandspartlikesilkbetweenmyfingertips.It'salotsofter
thanIthoughtitwouldbe.Itightenmygriponafistfulofherhair,pullinghertome.Shecloseshereyes
and nuzzles her face against my thigh, an unforeseen affectionate gesture that makes me feel strangely
closetoher.She'ssofuckingbeautifulwhenshedoesn'tlookmiserable.Andshe'ssofuckingclosetomy
dickthatmybodyreactsinstantly.Thefrontofmyslacksgrowtautasmycockswells.AllIhavetodois
givetheorder,andshe'llbeswallowingmetothehilt.Thatperfectmouthwrappedaroundme,showing
mewhatpleasuresithastooffer.
Ispendseveralmomentsstrokingherhair,baskinginthecontentedlookonherface.Willshestill
lookthiswaywhenIdemandmorefromher?Ihaveasuddenfearofherhatingme.Ishouldn'tcare,either
way.
Wehavetobridgethegapeventually,though.Ihavetogetwhatwebothcameherefor.
“Iwantyoutostickyourprettylittlepinktongueoutandstartgettingacquaintedwithmydick.”I
keepmygazelockedonherfaceasIstarttopushherlimits.
When her eyes flit up to meet mine, the look she gives me about bowls me over. There's pure
unadulteratedlustineveryoneofherfeatures.It'sasifsheturnedfromaninnocentdollintoasexkitten
intheblinkofaneye.ThechangewassoquickthatIdidn'tevenseeithappen,andnowI'mnotsurewhat
tothink.
Her tongue pushes between her lips, and she flicks it over my slacks. This was not what I had
meantwhenItoldhertogetacquaintedwithmydick,butit'sfarmoreseductive,soI'llacceptit.Mycock
strains against the material, begging for the layers of clothing to be stripped free so that we can make
tongue-to-skincontact.
Ikeepmyfingersinherhairasshelapsatmelikeacatdrawingmilkfromasaucer.It'ssexy,but
the novelty is quickly lost with my need to feel more. My grip tightens in her hair to stop her, and she
glancesupatme,thelustlostasuncertaintytakesover.
“I think it's time to get you ready to play.” I let go of her to retrieve the nipple clamps. When I
return,shelooksamixofsexualfrustrationandthatsamediscontentthatIsawearlierwhenIplacedthe
restraintsonher.Thatfadedsoonenough.I'msureitwillfadeagainwhensherealizesthatthisisn'tas
badasshethinksit'sgoingtobe.
I crouch in front of her, staring at her ample cleavage. I could spend hours soaking her in, but I
don'twanttoseemlikeacreeper.I'mamanofexperience,soIshouldn'tbeoglingherlikeaboyherage
would.
Ireacharoundhertounclaspherbra.WhenIpullitoverhershoulders,hertitsbarelyevenmove.
They'resofullandperkyandperfect.Hernipplesarealreadyerect,butthey'reabouttogetalotharder.
Ican'tresisttheurgetogropeeachofhertits.ShecloseshereyeswhenIdo,herpleasureshining
through.It'stoofuckingmuch,seeingthislookonherface.Ihavetohavemoreofit.Myhandsspreadout
over her breasts, and I knead my fingers into the flesh there. When I pull away, I pinch her nipples,
tweakingthemandfeelingthemhardenintopebbles.Sheleanstowardsme,hermouthclosetomine.It's
slightlyopen,aheadybreathcomingout.Shewantstobekissed.
No.She'ssilentlybeggingforit.
Anticipation is half the pleasure, sweetheart. I think to myself. Maybe I won't even kiss her
tonight.Thatwouldbetoointimate.
“I'm wondering exactly how much you can handle,” I whisper against her lips, increasing the
pressureonhernipples.Ifshe'sinpain,Ican'ttell.Herexpressionispurebliss.
Imovebackbeforeshehasachancetotemptmeintokissingher.ThenIturntheknobononeof
the nipple clamps to decrease the pressure to about medium before I place it on her nipple. Aubrey
whimpersslightly,aflashofpainracingacrossherfeatures.Thesoundofhermomentarydistressmakes
mycockjerkcrudely.
“Doesithurt?”Ipullontheclamp.Shehissesbetweengrittedteeth,herblueeyesmeetingmine
withalookoftorturedinnocencethatmakesmewanttofuckthehelloutofher.Shit.AmIreallygoingto
beabletohandlethisslowseduction?
Hergazefixesonmylipsagain.Icanfeelheryearningforakissthroughherpain.EachtimeI
pullontheclamp,shelosesfocus.Herreboundabilityisamazing,though.Andshe'snotcomplainingor
askingmetotaketheclampofforloosenit,whichisabigplusandaturnon.
Itaketheotherclampandgiveherfreenipplethesametreatment.Again,shewhimperswhenit's
inplace,lettingoutasmall,“Ow.”
Itremindsmeofsomethingachildwouldsay.Hersubmissionsoundssosweetthatit'saboutto
drivemeinsane.Likeahighlyaddictivedrug,Ineedmoreofit—moretastesofher.
“Doyouwantmetotakethemoff?”Iaskonceherattentionhasrefocusedonmyface.Thearousal
isslowlyreturningtoherexpression,whichpleasesmegreatly.
“No,”shesqueaksout.
“No,what?”Iloopmyfingerinthechainbetweentheclamps,pullingonthemslightlytoelicita
seriesofsoftwhimpersfromher.
“What?”sheaskswithamixofconfusionanddesperationinhervoice.
“No,Sir,”Itellher.“YouwillcallmeSir.Doyouunderstand?”
“Yes,Sir.”Shenodsvehemently.
“Don'tforgetitagain.”Igripherchin,keepingmyfaceclosetohers.Shecloseshereyes,butshe
stilllookswanton.“IfIhavetoremindyouagain,you'llgetpunished.Youdon'twanttobepunished,do
you?”
“No,Sir,”shebreathes.
“Louder.”
“No,Sir,”shespeaksuplikeagoodgirl.
Iletgoofthechainbetweenherbreastsandstand.Hereyesgostraighttomycrotch,staringatthe
bulge there. I stroke her hair with one hand while the other goes to unfasten my slacks. She waits
obedientlyformetofinish.Accordingtoherprofile,she'sneversuckedacockbefore.Despitemyinitial
urgetojustshoveitdownherthroat,theideaofeasingherintoitseemsmuchmoreappealing,especially
givenhoweagershelooks.
“I think I want you to work for it.” I nudge my pants down so that only the base of my cock is
exposed,keepingagriponthewaistbandsothatmypantsdon'tfallanyfurther.
“Workforithow,Sir?”Shelooksupatme,rememberinghermanners.
“Lickit.Justthebase.Ifyoudoagoodjob,I'llletyouhavemore.”
Shedivesinlikethisisn'therfirstrodeo.I'msurprisedbyhowquicklyshelathersmewithher
tongue.It'sasifshe'sbeenhungryforthisallnight.Iclosemyeyesandenjoytheride,feelinghersmall
pinktonguedoingitsbesttosatisfyme.
Idon'tevenhavetolowermypantsbecausesheeffectivelydigsmycockoutwithhertongue.It
barelyhasachancetospringoutatherbeforeherlipsarewrappedaroundit.Ihissandtiltmyheadback.
“Holyshit,areyousureyou'veneverdonethisbefore?”
“No,Sir,”shemumblesaroundme,thevibrationsofhermouthmakingmeswellevenmore.
Onceshe'sfullyimpaledonme,shestartssuckingslowanddeliberately.Allthewhile,hereyes
neverleavemine,makingmyneedsoar.Ican'tfuckingbelievethatI'mthefirstdickinthisprettylittle
virgin'smouth.
Sheseemsapprehensivetotakemeallthewaytothehilt,soIputmyhandonthebackofherhead
andguidehergently.Shechokesalittlebutdoesn'ttrytopullback.MyGod,herlipsarefarbetterthanI
thoughttheywouldbe.It'sliketheyweremadetosuckcock.She'safasterlearner,too.Iletgoofherhair,
and she continues sucking me in strokes far deeper than her initial oral assault. I feel almost like I'm
traininghertobemine.It'ssadthatI'llneverhaveheragainafterthis.
That'spartofthedeal,though.Fulldiscretion.Aftertonight,we'lldepartasifwenevermetatall.
Ican'taskheronadate.I'msuresomeoftheolderguysbreaktherulesallofthetime,butit'ssmarterifI
don't.Besides,she'swaytoofuckingyoungforme.Tooyoungtobemygirlfriend,atleast.
WhyamIeventhinkingaboutthis?Ineedtobethinkingaboutfillingupallofherholes.That's
whatthisisabout.It'snotafuckingdate.It'sasexhook-up.Nothingmore.
Ibuckmyhipsslightly,andshemeetsmythrusts.Evenwhenastringofmypre-seedseepsoutof
hermouthanddribblesdownherchin,shedoesn'tstop.Goodlittlecocksucker,thisone.
“You'resofuckingsloppy.”Ismirkdownatherbutthenfollowitupwith,“Ilikeit,”sothatshe
knowsshe'sdoingagoodjob.
Thepraiseonlyspurshertosuckfasterandharder.Mycockpulsesasshemilksmeofmypre.It's
sofuckinggoodthatIhavetofistmyhandintoherhairandstopherbeforeIcomealloverherprettyface
andtits.
IgiveusbothabreatherwhileIundress.Aubrey'seyesstayfixedonmeasImove.Myrevealis
muchmorecalculatedthanherswas.Iunbuttonmyshirtslowly.Shestayshonedinonmychest,soaking
inmyhardbody.Ispendhoursatthegymeveryweektolooklikethis.Mostofthegirlswhohaveseen
metakemyshirtoffhavehadasimilarreaction.I'vegrownnumbtoitwithrepeatedexposure,butfor
somereason,watchingAubreyoglemefeelsinvigoratinglyfresh.Itpleasesmethatsheappreciatesmy
body,thatshe'smarvelingatmelikeI'msomethingofmasculineperfection.
“Ilikeyourtattoos,”shesaysinasmallvoice,referringtothepistolsoneachofmyhipspointing
straighttomydick.
“DidIgiveyoupermissiontospeak?”Ichastiseher,notbecauseI'mactuallymadbutbecauseit's
funtoseehershrinkback.
“No,Sir.”Thereplyisbarelyaudible.
“Again.Louder.”
“No,Sir,”shepipesup.
“Goodgirl.”IcrouchinfrontofheragainonceI'mcompletelynakedexceptforthemask.Ihook
myfingeraroundthechainbetweenherbreasts,andshehisses,paintakingoverherfeatures.“Wouldyou
likeformetotaketheseoff?”
“Yes,Sir.”Shenods.
Iremovethefirstclamp,andshecriesoutsoloudlythatIworrytheroomovermighthaveheard
her, not that it matters. This entire floor was booked by the auction coordinator. Removing the second
clampdoesn'tseemtohurthersobadly.Tobehonest,IenjoyedhercryofpainfarlessthanIthoughtI
would.Knowingthatherreactionmightbegenuinemademefeelbadfornotputtingbothclampsonthe
loosestsettingpossible.IfIhad,theylikelywouldhaveslippedoffduringplay,though.
“Thankyou,Sir,”shetellsmeonceshecanbreatheagain.
Hearinghershowappreciationwithoutpromptingismusictomyears.She'squicklyturningintoa
goodsubmissive.FarbetterthanIcouldhaveeverhopedfor.
“You'vebeenagoodgirl.”Istand,caressinghercheekwithmyfingertips.“It'stimethatIreward
youwithmoreofmydick.Crawl.”Islidemyhandintoherhair,grabbingafistfulofcurlstoguideher
towardsthebed.Shefumblessinceherhandsarestillboundbehindherback,butshedoesthebestthat
shecantokeepup.
Oncewegettothebed,Ihelpherstand.Shecastsanuncertainlookoverhershoulder,thefirst
signoffearreturningtoherface.Sheknowswhat'sabouttohappen.I'mgoingtoclaimmymainprizefor
winningtheauction.
I place my hands on her hips to keep her facing away from me. Then I bend her over the bed,
placing my palm between her shoulder blades to force her down on it. As soon as she's positioned the
wayIwant,Itakeastepbacktoadmiretheview.Herpantiesbarelycoverherass.Iwanttogiveita
goodslap,toburymynosebetweenherfoldsandinhaleherscent,butIcan'tfuckingwaitanylonger.
Seeing her like this, her sweet innocent face looking back at me with nervous anticipation, her
smooth milky ass presented to me, her cunt ready and waiting to be filled, something dark and carnal
awakenswithinme.Nomoreteasing.Nomoreforeplay.Ihavetohavehernow.
Icurlmyfingersaroundthewaistbandofherpantiesandpullthemoverherass.Theysticktothe
Vbetweenherlegs,andwhenIyankthemfree,Iseethesheenofwetnessthathadkeptthemgluedthere.
MyGod,she'ssofuckingwet.Thesightofherarousalfillsmewithpride.Maybemysexylittlevixen
wantsthisjustasmuchasIdo.
Istepupbehindherandplacemyhandsonthesmallofherback.Myglansnudgesbetweenher
prettypinkfolds.SheinhalessharplyasIstarttopressforward.
“Holyfuck,you'retight,”Ihissasthetippopsinside.
Herchannelsqueezesaroundme,feelingalmostsuffocating.Mycocktwitchesdefiantlytowiden
hersmallgap.It'swaytoobigforher.I'mwaytoobigforher.Tallandthickwithmuscleandwithacock
sobigitmakesmostgirlsblushfromthinkingabouthowwideitwillspreadthem,welooksofucking
mismatched.I'mworriedthatifIputitallthewayin,Imightbreakher.Andforsomefuckingreason,that
makesmepause.
“Areyousureyouwantthis?”Mytreacherousmouthbetraysmyactofnotgivingashit.Thatone
questioncouldruineverything,butIcan'tpretendanylongerthatIdon'tcareaboutherwell-being.Iwill
probablydieofblueballsifshesaysno,butI'llrespectherwishes.Idon'twanttodothisifshedoesn't
wantit,too.
“Yes,Sir.”Shenods,hervoicebarelyaudible.
Briefly,Ithinkofaskingifshereallywantsitorifshe'sjustdoingthisforthemoney,butI'mnot
goingoutofmywaytocockblockmyself.Shesaidyes;that'sallthatmatters.Idon'tneedtoknowher
reasoning.
Ireachherbarrierandpushthroughit,fillinghercompletelyinonedeepthrust.
“Oh,fuck,”shemoans,hereyespressingclosed.There'saglimmerofpaininherexpression,but
itquicklymeltsintopleasure.
I don't give her time to process the sensation of having a dick in her for the first time. I start
thrusting immediately, relishing the feel of her tunnel squeezing around me. Every moan that leaves her
mouthispureecstasy.Shecouldn'tlooksexierifshetried.AndIrealizeatthismomentthatIcouldget
addictedtothis.Notjustthis.Toher.Icouldgetaddictedtoher.
Stop it. Stop thinking beyond this. There's nothing beyond this. You have to stick to your
resolve,remember.Justenjoythemoment.Enjoyfuckingthisamazing,beautifulgirl.Enjoyitforwhat
itis.
IstareatAubrey'spussyasIfuckher.Thepositionmakesforagreatview.Icanseeeverything,
hertightlittlecuntstretchedaroundme,thesmalltintofbloodthattellsmeIgotwhatIpaidfor.Every
secondthatI'minsideherfeelslikeaneternityofheavenonearth.
SheremainsstillasIfuckherlikeamanstarvedofsex.HermouthisapermanentO,andevery
once in a while, a curse will fall from her lips. For being religious, she sure has a dirty vocabulary.
MaybethepartaboutherbeingChristianwasalie.Orperhapsshedoesn'treallypracticereligion.Idon't
fuckingcarerightnow.It'sasmalldetailthatdoesn'treallymatter.Andbesides,IkindoflikeitthatI've
reachedsomedarkpartofherwherenothingmattersbesideswhat'shappeningbetweenus.
ThebedsqueaksinprotestasIramintohercuntagainandagain.Eventually,Ipulloutandmake
hercrawlupontothebedonlytochaseher.Istraddleherlegs,aneasytaskwhenshehassuchasmall
frame.Pushingmycockintoherwithherlegsclosedpresentsanextralayeroftightness.Iwatchhergrit
herteethasIspreadheragain,andshegroansasIslideinballsdeep,hereyelidsflutteringopen,hereyes
rollingtothebackofherhead.
Herassbouncesbackagainstmewitheachthrust,andIgiveitasoftslap.
“Thankyou,Sir,”shesaysunexpectedly,makingmylustforhersoar.GoodGod,thisgirlisgoing
tobetheendofme.
“Thankmeforwhat?”Iask,amused.
“Thankyouforfuckingme.”
Islapherassagain,harderthistime.
“Thankyouforspankingme.”
“YouarefarnaughtierthanIthoughtyou'dbe,”Iconfess,thoughI'mcertainlynotunpleasedabout
it.
I place my hands on the globes of her ass, spreading her cheeks so that I can watch my cock
penetrateher.It'sthemostbeautifulsight.Almostasbeautifulasthepleasuredlookonherface.
“You'vebeensogood,IthinkI'llgiveyouareward.”Ipulloutofher,wrappingmyarmaround
herwaisttobringherontoherkneesbeforeIstickmyhandbetweenherlegs,myindexandmiddlefinger
zeroinginonherclit,pinchingitgentlybeforeIbeginrubbingfeverishly.
Her throat instantly erupts into a series of moans. It's not long before she's coming all over my
hand, her erect clit throbbing against my fingertips. As soon as the orgasm starts rolling through her, I
shove my cock back in to feel her contractions. The squeezing sensation does me in, and I curse as my
dick sprays into her womb, filling her for the first time. The climax is so strong that it takes my breath
away.
We stay linked together until our bodies have both calmed. She pants beneath me while I stare
downather,admiringherjust-fuckedbeauty.She'ssosmall,butshecantakesomuch.
“Don't move,” I tell her as I let my cock slip from her and rest back on my calves to watch my
seedseepoutofherlittleslit.
Shelooksbackatme,herfacefullofexhaustion.“Arewedonenow,Sir?”
I let out a short laugh, my lips curling into a wicked smirk. “Done? No, little one. We're just
gettingstarted.”
CHAPTERTHREE
AUBREY
Isitwrongofmetobegladthatit'snotover?Isitasinformetowantmoreofthis?Theeventsof
thepasthourhavecausedacataclysmicshiftwithinme.Iwasn'tsupposedtolikethis.Iwassupposedto
justwanttogetthroughit,butnow...
Iwasn'texpectingmyjohntobesotall.Somuscular.So...handsome.Ican'tseehisface,butmy
goodnessistherestofhimeverbeautiful.Hisbodylookslikeit'scarvedfromstone.Everyinchofhimis
rock-hardmuscle.Thetattoosthatpointstraighttohis...Theyspeakvolumesaboutwhatkindofmanhe
is.Thedangerouskind.Thekindthattakesgoodgirlslikemeandturnstheminto...Idon'tevenwantto
think about it. I'm so awash with feelings and desires that I've never experienced before—an amazing
awakening—thatIdon'thavemuchtimetoconsideranythingelse.
This is okay, isn't it? It's a one-time thing so I can live in the moment. I sinned when I sold my
body.It'snotlikeenjoyingitwillmakethingsanyworse.AndIdosoenjoyit.This.Thisman.He'slike
nooneI'veeverencounteredbefore.Asidefrombeingdevastatinglyhandsome,he'sveryassertive.No
onehaseverbossedmearoundlikethis,andIlikeit.AlloftheboysI'velikedbeforehaveapproached
mewithsuchcaution.That'sjustit,though.Theywereallboys.Notmen.Notlikehim.
IgazeupintohisfaceasItrytocatchmybreath,mybodytinglingwithrenewedanticipation—the
wantingofhistouch.Morethananything,IwishIcouldripthatstupidmaskoffandseetherestofhis
face. It really doesn't hide much. I can still see his five o'clock shadow, the sexy kind of scruffy. Most
notable,arehiseyes.Asgreenasgrass,theyare.IhighlydoubtI'lleverforgetthem.Heck,Ihighlydoubt
I'lleverforgetaninchofhim.Thisexperiencehasburnedhimintomymind,madehimjustaspermanent
asthetattoosonhiships.He'llbewithmeforever,evenifIneverseehimagain.
“Areyoureadyformore?”heasks,lazilystrokinghimself.
Ican'tbelievehe'salreadyhardagain.Hisbodyisjustasrelentlessashisfucking.
“Yes,Sir.”Inodshyly.
Mypussyisalittlesore,butwhenhepulledout,heleftanemptinessthat'slongingtobefilled
again.
Whenherollsmeontomyback,Iknowexactlywhattodo.Ispreadmylegslikeawhore,waiting
forhimtomakemecompleteagain.Tonight,Irevelinmysin,becausetomorrow,Igobacktobeinga
normalgirl.Tomorrow,Iputthisallbehindmelikeitneverhappened.Sofornow,I'mgoingtobeasbad
asallofthedeepestdarkestfantasiesIdidn'tevenknowIhad.
Hecrawlsbackoverme,andIgivehimachallenginglook.HiscockissobigthatIcan'tbelieve
mybodycantakeit.Mypussyswallowshimupgreedilyashepressesforward,andIshiverfromthetop
ofmyheadtomyverycoreasthestretchingsensationtakesover,asinchafterinchofhiminfectsmewith
themosteuphoricfeelingmybodyhaseverexperienced.HiscockissogoodthatIcan'thelpbutmoan.
“OhmyGod,”Ibreatheout,smilingcontentedlyoncewe'rejoined.It'sdisturbinghowcompleteI
feelnowthathe'sinsideofmeagain.
“Oh yeah,” I cry out as he begins pumping into me. My eyes stay locked on his. I soak in the
eroticismofthemoment.ThisisnothowIimaginedmyfirsttimewouldbe,butIseriouslycan'tpicture
anythingbetter.Ican'tpicturethatmarryingsomevirginandfumblingthroughdefloweringeachotheron
ourweddingnightcouldcomeanythingclosetothis.
Sirpushesmykneesuptomychest,fillingmesodeeplythathepressesintomymostvulnerable
parts. The sensation to pee is pretty extreme, but I know that's not what I'm really feeling. I've done
enoughresearchtoknowthathe'sfoundthatspecialplaceinsideofmewhereallofmybody'sdelights
collide.Whenhepresseshisfingerstomyclit,fireworksshootoffasIlosemyselfagain.Icomehard,my
pulsequickeningascontractionswreckme.
“Ibelievesomegratitudeisinorder,”hetellsmeaftermyclimaxhassubsided.
“Thankyouformakingmecome,Sir,”Irespondalmostautomatically.
“Youshouldhavebeenquicker.MaybeIshouldpunishyou.”Itsoundsmorelikeaquestionthana
statement.
Idon'tknowhowtorespond,soIstayquiet.Partofmeiscuriousabouthowhewouldpunishme.
Nothinghe'sdonetomesofarhasbeenhorrible,thoughIwasn'toverlyfondofthenippleclamps.
Sir places his hand on my throat, applying pressure. My airway is constricted, but I don't feel
panicked.Oddly,Itrusthimnottohurtme.IfeelconnectedtohiminawayI'veneverfelttoanyoneelse,
despitethefactthathe'sastrangertome.
“Areyougoingtobeagoodgirlnow?”
“Yes,Sir,”Ireply,startingtofeelabitlightheaded.
“Good.”Heletsgoofmythroat,placinghishandsoneithersideofmyheadtobracehimselfas
hepumpsintomeuntilhe'sspent.Iclosemyeyesandenjoytheride,lickingmylipswhenIfeelhiscock
swellandpulseandtwitchasitemptiesintome.It'sthesexiestthingI'veeverfelt.
Imoansoftly,tracingmytongueovermylipstowetthem.Mymouthissuperdry,andIsuddenly
remember that he never gave me the drink he offered earlier. I should have pressed for water. I can
alwaysgetsomeafterwe'redone,though.
Sirclimbsoffofthebed,andIbaskintheafterglowofourcoupling.Theroomsmellslikesex.I'd
heardaboutthescentofitbefore,butI'dneversmelledit.Somethinglikesweatandourmixedpleasure
juices.It'salotmorepleasantthanIthoughtitwouldbe,andoddlyitmakesmewantmoresex.Mypussy
issore,though.Idon'tknowhowmuchmoreIcanhandle,butI'llhandleasmuchasittakestosatisfyhim.
Nomatterhowmuchhepaidforme,he'sgoingtogethismoney'sworth.
“Rollover,”Sirsays,andIlisten.
OnceI'monmystomach,heunfastensmyrestraints.Isitupandrubmywrists.
Sircrawlsupontothebedbehindmeandpushesmyhairovermyshoulders.Foramoment,I'm
confused.Butthenhestartsmassagingmyshoulders,andmybodyinstantlymelts.Hishandsarestrong
andskilled.Hesoothesthestingfrommymusclesandzeroesinonallofmyknotsasifhe'sdonethisa
hundredtimesbefore.
“Thatfeelsreallygood.”Imoaninapproval.
“I'mglad,”herepliessoftly.
Heworksonmybackandshouldersandneckforabouttenminutesbeforeheslidesoffofthebed
andoffersmehishand.Itakeitgingerly,andheleadsmeintothebathroombeforelettingmegototurn
theshoweron.Oncethewaterhaswarmedup,heushersmeinside.Weshowertogether,thoughhedoes
hisbesttokeephisfaceandhairoutofthewater,perhapsworryingthathe'llgetthemaskwetandhaveto
removeit.Ican'thelpbutsmirkathim.
“Whydon'tyoujusttakeitoff?”Iask,pointingtothemask.
“YouknowIcan't.”Hegrabsmebytheshoulders,turningmeawayfromhimtowashmyhair.
IwonderifIwouldhavehadthisexperiencewithanyoneelse.Nowthatthesexisover—atleast,
Ithinkit'sover—he'sbeingsokindandaffectionate.Hishandswashmegently,scrubbingthesweatfrom
myskin.Hisfingertipsrubovermyscalp,workingtheshampooandconditionerdeeplythroughmyhair.It
feels odd being so intimate with him. I had expected to be kicked out the second we were done, and I
wouldhavebeenfinewiththat.MaybeIwouldhavepreferredit.Becausethis...pretendingthatwe'rea
couple...itmakesmewanthiminimpossibleways.AndeventhoughIsworeIwouldn'tfeelanythingfrom
this,ithurtstoknowthatI'mjusthiswhoreforthenight.
“CanIaskyourname?”Isaytimidlyoncewe'vesteppedoutoftheshowerandhe'stowelingoff
myhair.
“Youcan,butthatdoesn'tmeanI'llgiveyouananswer.”Heleavesmetofinishdryingmyselfoff,
kneelinginfrontofthelargegardentubtoturnonthefaucet.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Ipause,turningtohim.
He casts a glance over his shoulder. “Your pussy will feel less sore if you soak in here for a
while.”
“Willit?”I'mreallynotthatsoreanymore,butIdarenotsayit.Iwanttospendasmuchtimewith
himaspossiblebeforeheinevitablykicksmeout.
Iexpecthimtojoinmeinthebathtub,buthedoesn't.Hesitsonthesideofthetubtowatchme
soak.
“Notcomingin?”Iswishmyhandsthroughthewater.
“No.”Hegivesaslightshakeofhishead.
It feels a bit awkward being watched by him, but I don't complain. Instead, I try to make
conversation,wantingtoknowmoreabouthim.
“So,youhavenonamethen?”Itease.
Hesmirks.“Ofcourse,Ihaveaname.”
“IsitSir?”
“Toyou.”
“Butyouwerenotbornwiththatname,”Ipress.
“Youknowtherules,Aubrey,”histonetakesaseriousturn.
Ipout.“It'snotveryfairthatyougettoknowmyname,butIdon'tgettoknowyours.”
“Idon'tmaketherules.Ijustfollowthem.”
Itrytothinkofsomethingwittytosaytomakehimdivulgetheinformationtome.Whatwouldit
reallyhurtforhimtotellme?Hecouldevenlie,andIwouldn'tknowthedifference.Isupposeit'sgood
thathe'snotlyingtome,though.I'dratherhimnottellmethanlie.
Sirmakesmesoakforfifteenminutesbeforehefinallyopensthedrainonthetub.Abouthalfway
through,hebringsmeabottleofwaterandthentellsmetowaituntilhecomestoretrieveme.I'mthankful
forthewaterbutabitlesshappyaboutbeingleftalone.It'sboringsittingtheremarinatinginmythoughts,
especiallywhentheykeepgoingtoillogicalplacesliketryingtofindsomewaytoseehimagain.
Someone like him would never want to date someone like me. Not really. He's handsome and
assertiveandestablished.Hecanprobablyhaveanygirlhewants.Heck,heprobablydatesmodelsand
successful business women. I'm just a silly little girl by comparison. It's fun to dream, though—to
fantasizethatmaybesomedayIcanbewithsomeonelikehimonceI'veachievedmygoalofbecominga
well-known Broadway actress. For now, he's unattainable, and I should leave this at what it is—a
businesstransactionforaone-nightstand.
“Doyoufeelbetter?”Siraskswhilehetowelsmeoffasecondtime.
“Yes,Sir.”Inod,feelingabitsadthatourtimetogetherisalmostover.
“Come.”Hetossesthetowelontothesideofthetubandoffersmehishand.Itakeitandfollow
himoutofthebathroomandbacktowardsthebed.“Getbackonthebed.Lieonyourbackwithyourlegs
spread.”
Roundtwo?Orwoulditbethreesincewebothcametwicealready?Idon'tcare.I'mupforit.
IdoasI'mtold,feelingmyheartraceasIprepareforanothersexualadventure.It'sgoingtosting
whenhespreadsmewideagain,butnothingcomparestothesensationofhavinghiminsideofme.
Irestmyheadagainstthecomforterandclosemyeyes.Thebedshifts,andhecrawlsbetweenmy
legs.Ifeelhisfingersnudgebetweenmyfolds,spreadingthem,andheatcreepsupmyneck.He'slooking
atmymostintimateparts.ItfeelssocrudeandwrongthatIpressmythighstogether.
“No.”Heplaceshishandsonmyknees,bowingmylegs.“Ifyoutrytoclosethemagain,I'llstop.
Doyouwantmetostop?”
“No,Sir.”Ishakemyheadslowly.
Hismouthdescendsonme,hislipspressingaroundmyclit.Mybackarchesoffofthebedashe
sucksgently.Thisisanewsensation.It'sasifhe'sdrawingtheorgasmrightoutofme.Myentirebody
tremblesfromtheextremesensitivity.
Perceiving that I'm already reaching my limits, Sir releases the pressure. The tip of his tongue
dartsfromhismouthtotracearoundmycleft.Iletoutalongsigh,catchingmybreathashelicksdownto
myslickinnerchannel,histongueprobinginside.Itfeelsheavenlysoothingonmyheatedparts.
IbravereachingbetweenmylegstostrokeSir'shair.It'sshortatthesidesbutlongerontopand
slicked back away from his face. He doesn't seem to mind me touching him, and that adds to my
contentedness.
I purr and moan and drown in pleasure as his tongue and lips and teeth skillfully work me to
climax.Heseemstoknowexactlywhattodo—whentopullbacksothathecandrivemeupthehillof
euphoriaagainandagain.
Finally,heletsmetumbleovertheedge,andIcryout,curlingmyfingersintohishairandpressing
himhardagainstme.I'mnotexactlysurewhatcomesoverme,butIabandontimidity,seekingoutthemost
pleasurefromtheexperienceinanywaythatIcangetit.WhenIfinallyletSirgo,hesitsuppanting.
“Ohyeah,”Iclosemyeyesandgroaninabandonment,wigglingslightlywithpride.
Sircrawlsupbesidemeandstrokesmyhair,tuckingastraypiecebehindmyear.“Wasthatgood,
littleone?”
“Itwasamazing.”Iopenmyeyesandlookathim.Hissmileissostunning.Itdrawsmyfocusto
his lips. All this time, I've never gotten to kiss him. It's all that I've wanted for half of the night, to see
whathetasteslike.
“Mybeautifulgirl,”hesayssoftly,staringatmeappreciatively.
“CanIkissyou?”Iask,sincehe'sobviouslynotgoingtoofferorgoforit.
“Whyonearthwouldyouwantthat?”Hesoundsamusedbythequestion.
“Ijust..”Istruggletofindagoodreason.“Ijustdo.”
“IfIkissyou,thenyou'llneverbeabletoforgetme.”Hetracesmybottomlipwiththepadofhis
thumb.
“I'llneverbeabletoforgetyouanyway,”Iconfess.
“Let'sleavelessforyoutoremembermebythen,alright?”
Myheartdropsslightly,andforthefirsttimesincetheblindfoldwasremovedfrommyeyesandI
sawhimstandingthere,IfeelexactlylikewhatIam.Awhore.
CHAPTERFOUR
VASH
Webothknowwherethisisgoing,whereiteventuallyhadtogo.I'malotmoresadaboutitthan
I'dliketoadmit.Aubreyhasbeenperfect.Morethanperfect,ifthere'ssuchathing.She'sexactlywhatI
wantedandneeded.Iwanttohaveheragain.Wanttospendmoretimewithher.Wanttogettoknowher.
That'snothowthisends,though.It'snothowitcanend.
IpushmyselfupsothatI'msittingonthesideofthebedanddropmyeyestothecarpetbecauseI
can'tfuckingstandlookingatheranymore.Seeingherperkylittletitsandlargedolleyesandthehaloof
honey-blondecurlscirclingherheadassheliesbeforemeintheafterglowofanotherorgasmmakesme
thinkillogically.Ican'taffordtothinkillogically.Ihavetokeepmyshittogether.
“So,Ibetyou'rewonderinghowmuchyou'regoingtogetpaidforthis,”Iusemybestbusiness
voice as I stand to fish a robe from the closet. I'll be staying here tonight, so there's no point in getting
dressed.AssoonasAubreyleaves,I'llmorethanlikelypassoutintoarestfulsleepthankstoallofthe
night'sexertions.
“I actually wasn't,” she mutters in a voice that's small and infused with pain. It tugs at my heart
becauseIcantellshefeelsused.UnlessI'mreadingherwrong,shewantsthesamethingthatIdo,toend
thisnightwithapromiseofseeingeachotheragain.Itcan'tbethatway,though,formorereasonsthanjust
herage.
“$975,000.”Icastaglanceatherovermyshouldertogaugeherreaction.ShesatupwhileIwas
putting on the robe. Her eyes almost double in size. She mouths the figure, but sound doesn't leave her
mouth.Ireturntoher,sittingbesidehertotakeherhandinmine.“Anditwaswortheverypenny.”Ioffer
herasoftsmile.
Herbeautifulblueeyesbrimwithtears,andherhandsbegintotremble.Whenatearrollsdown
hercheek,Ibrushitawaywithmythumb.“What'swrong,sweetheart?”
She presses her eyes shut and shakes her head, two more tears cascading down. “Nothing.”
Aubreyinhalesdeeply.“Thankyou.Just...thankyou.Youhavenoideahowmuchthismeanstome.”
I want to know, but I know better than to ask. From this point on, nothing about her can mean
anythingtome.
“I have one last gift for you.” I stand and take a few steps toward the nightstand, opening the
drawer to extract a small gold box. Just looking at it makes me feel like a complete asshole. She's
probablygoingtothinkit'sjewelryorsomethingelseofgreatvalue.
What'sinsideisonlyvaluabletome.Anothermeasureofprotectiontomakesurethatthisdoesn't
comebacktobitemeintheass.
I present the box to her, and she blinks a few times, her features contorting with confusion. Her
gaze jumps from the box to my face, and I feel a sick pit form in my stomach. I keep a straight face,
knowingthatthiswillprobablybreakher.Notthesexorgivingherselftoastranger.Butthis.
Iopentheboxbeforeshehasachancetotrytotakeitfromme.Inside,onabedofblackvelvet,is
a single pill. Her expression stills as she realizes what it is. She reaches out to take it, then grabs her
bottleofwaterfromthebedsidetableanddrinksitdownlikeagoodgirl.Now,wewon'thavetoworry
abouthergettingpregnant.
“Iapologizeforkickingyouout,”Ibeginbeforeshe'sevenfinisheddrinkingthewater,“butI'm
goingtohavealongdaytomorrow.”
God,doIeverfeellikeadick.
Shecapsthebottle,lickingthewetnessfromherlips.Now,morethanever,Iregretpassingonthe
chancetokissher.Ishouldn'thavebeensostubborn,butIthoughtthatbynotkissingher,itwouldprotect
herfromtheillusionofthinkingthatthiscouldbesomethingmore.Fuckmeforthinkingthat.Yetanother
dickmove.Andshewasn'ttheonlyonewhosufferedbecauseofit.Now,Iwantnothingmorethantotake
herinmyarmsandkissherlikeImeanit.It'stoolateforthat,though.She'shurtinginside,andifmylips
touchhers,itwon'ttakethepainaway.Itwillonlyaddtoit.
Isitinthedeskchairandwatchasshetimidlycrawlsoffofthebedandbeginstodress.Itseems
likeherclothingcomesonwayslowerthanwhenitcameoff.Everymomentishesitant.Sheglancesatme
oncebutquicklydropshergaze.Herexpressionisdeadpan,andIknowthatherheadisswimmingwith
thoughts. What happiness she felt from finding out the sum that will be deposited into her bank account
tomorrowisgone.
Onceshe'sdressed,Ileadhertothedoor.ShelooksupatmeafinaltimebeforeIusherherout.
“Goodbye,Sir,”shesayssadly.“Ireallyenjoyedmytimewithyou.Thanksforeverything.”
“Goodbye,littleone.Ihopeyoulivealongandhappylife.”Ismilesoftlybeforeclosingthedoor,
thememoryofherstandingthereburnedintomymind.Shelookedlikeapuppyputoutsidebyherowner
—likeshefeltabandoned.
IpictureAubreywalkingawayfromtheroom,eachfootstepcarryingherfartherfromme.Iwant
to run after her, but I know better. I can't complicate this. It is what it is. And it's over. That's the most
importantthing.
I sigh, pressing my back against the door and staring up at the ceiling. Tomorrow, I start a new
life.Istopfuckingaroundandtrytoturnintoadecenthumanbeing,becauseIhatewhoI'vebecomesince
mywifedied.
Two years ago tomorrow will be the anniversary of her death. The first year after she died, I
becameanalcoholic,drinkingmyselftonearthepointofsuicideonanalmostnightlybasis.Lastyear,I
madeapromisetomyselftoquitontheanniversaryofherdeath.Iquitcoldturkeyforaboutsixmonths
before I went back to having an occasional drink. I still consider it a success, but my addictive
personalitymademeturntosomethingelse.Sex.I'vebeenwithcountlessgirlsthispastyear.Moreinthe
past year than I had in my teen and college years combined. There's rarely been a night that I've gone
home alone. But I know that's destroying me too, the loveless nights of basal pleasure. Blair wouldn't
havewantedthatforme,andIdon'twantitformeeither—notreally.
MostpeopleconsidertheirnewyeartostartonJanuary1st.MynewyearstartsonJune14th,the
daythatBlairdied.Andwhatbetterwaytostartmynewyearthanwithacleanslate.
Tomorrow,mynewpracticeopens.It'sahugestepinmycareer.I'vebeenahospitalistforthepast
twoyears,whichwasnicebutdidn'tallowmeasmuchfreedomasI'dhaveworkingonmyown.Ittook
mealmostthatmuchtimetofindanotherdoctorwillingtotaketheplungewithmeandinvestinourown
building.Thedreamcametogetherslowly,buttomorrowitwillfinallybecomeareality.
It'stimetoresetmylife,tobecomethemanIwasalwaysmeanttobe.Amanwhowillmakemy
familyproud—whowouldmakeBlairproud.BecauseIhaven'tbeenthatmanthesepasttwoyears.I've
beenamonster,consumedbythingsthatmakemeforget.Barelyfunctioningenoughtokeepmylifegoing.
Drivenbyambitionandtheneedtodrownoutmypain.
Tonightwasthelasttimeforthat.NotsayingthatI'mgoingtogiveuphavingsexcompletely.That
wouldbeanunrealisticexpectation.ButIneedtodropitdownlikeIdidthedrinking,tostopleadinga
trailofbleedingheartsinmywake.Andtodothat,Ineedtostopcoldturkeyforawhile.Afewmonthsof
abstinence,andIshouldbefineagain.
Tonight,Iwantedtogooutwithabang,andIdidjustthat.
One of my father's friends had told me about the auction when he had come to see me about
spraininghisback.Ithoughthehadjustbeenjokingaboutituntilhetextedmethedetails.WhenIfound
out that there were no safety words allowed, I was sold on the idea of attending. I had never really
plannedtoparticipate.Icertainlyhadn'tplannedtoshelloutnearlyamilliondollarstobewithabeautiful
blondebombshell.Perhaps,ifIhadbeeninmyrightmind,Iwouldn'thavedoneit.Asitis,Idon'tregret
thedecisiononebit.
Aubrey was absolutely amazing. Her innocence captivated my heart, and just thinking about her
wanton body has my dick pressing against my robe, threatening to slip out. I'll have to jerk it to the
memoryofherbeforeIgotosleeptonight.
IsighasIgrabtheremoteandfliponthetelevisionbeforetossingmyselfontothebed.Myfinger
clicksthroughtothepornchannels,whichareallfreetonightcourtesyoftheauctioncoordinator.Istopon
a channel where a busty brunette is riding a Hispanic man. Their display is nothing compared to what
AubreyandIjustdid,Ithinksmugly,myhandgrippingmyshafttolazilystartstroking.
MygrinfaltersasIrealizethatIdidn'tdohalfofthestufftoherthatIhadwantedto.Iwasway
too eager and sentimental. Maybe it's a sign that I'm not the monster I thought I was. Originally, I had
plannedtostickmydickinallofherholes.Attheend,Ihadhittwooutofthree,decidingtosaveherass
forwhoevercamealongtoclaimit.Iwaspromisedhermostimportantfirst.Sheshouldbeallowedto
keepone.
Oddly,Idon'tregretthedecision.ItmakesmefeelmorehumantoknowthatIhaveatleastashred
of compassion. It's a small concession to allow her in the grand scheme of things. Maybe she wouldn't
haveevenenjoyedanal.Alotofreligiousgirlsarestrictlyagainstit.Alotofgirls,ingeneral,areagainst
it. This was my one chance to get it without asking or worrying about a panicked response. Oh well. I
madesurethatAubreyhadagoodtime,andthatwasthemostimportantthing.
MygriptightensonmydickasIpicturethecontentedlookonAubrey'sface,asthememoryofthe
sounds of her moans echoes in my ears like a symphony of sex. I close my eyes and lick my lips,
envisioningherpussyspreadtautaroundmycock.Fuck,didfillingherlittlecunteverfeelgood.
Iworkmyhandfeverishlyacrossmylength,jerkingoffatthesamepaceatwhichIwouldhave
poundedintohersnatch.Avisionofherblondecurlspassesthroughmymind,ofmyfingerscurledinto
themasIholdherheaddownagainstthebed.IgruntasIreleaseastreamofcomeacrossmystomach,my
dick throbbing wildly from the memory of being inside of her. It's better than any porno I could ever
watch.
ThenIcleanmyselfoff,lettingfantasyfadeandfeelingrealitysetbackin.Ineedtogetthefuckto
bed.Icastaglanceattheclockandscowl.It'salmostmidnight,andIknowwhatthatmeans.Tomorrow,
it'sgameonformycareer,andgameoverformysexlife.
***
Thedayissomewhatslowerthanexpected,thoughIshouldn'tbesurprised.Thehospitalforbade
me from taking my patients with me. It was part of an agreement that I signed when I started working
there.Luckily,DoctorStarkdidn'thavethesameissue.Whileshewasn'tcompletelybookedup,shehad
enoughpatientstokeepherbusyforthemajorityoftheday.Itookmostlywalk-ins,knowingthatmanyof
mypatientswillseekmeoutanywayoncetheyfindI'mnolongerworkingatthehospital.Andevenifthey
don't, I'm not worried about it taking long before I have a whole new roster of patients. We accept all
major types of insurance, so the insurance referrals will start rolling in once we're registered in their
systems,andI'llbelookingatfullbookingseveryday.That'showitusuallygoes.Ishouldenjoythisshort
lullwhileitlasts.
What free time I have, I spend getting to know the rest of the staff. We currently have two
receptionistsandthreenurses,thoughonereceptionistandoneofthenursesdoesn'tstartuntillaterthis
week.Onceourpatientdatabaseexpands,we'lladdanursepractitionertopayrollandprobablyafew
morenurses.Fornow,we'reinthegrowingstages,runningonjustenoughpeopletogetby.
IkindoflikethatI'mnotcompletelybookedup.Itgivesmemoretimetospendwiththepatients
thatdocomeinsothatIcanbuildrapportandshowthemthatIreallycare.BecauseIdoreallycare.I
wouldbenothingwithoutthepeopleIhelp.AndknowingthatI'mmakingpeoplefeelbettergivesmea
sense of pride that nothing else ever has. It makes me feel like my life has meaning, which I've greatly
neededtogetthroughthesepasttwoyears.Iwouldprobablybedeadrightnowifnotformycareer.
ButItrynottothinkaboutthat.TherearebetterthingstothinkaboutwhenI'mnotsittingface-to-
facewithapatientorchattingwiththestaff,likemydebaucherylastnight.Aubreyhaslingeredwithme
farlonger than sheshould have. It'sprobably the circumstances thatbrought us togetheras much as our
coupling,though.Ifshewerejustaregularone-nightstand,shewouldhavebeenoutofsightoutofmind
already.Therearen'tmanygirlswhomakealastingimpressiononme.Aubreywasdifferent.Adesperate
girlwithprobablydesperatecircumstancesandanequallydesperatebody.Forsomeoneunaccustomedto
thesexualappetitesofmen,sheseemedtoknowexactlywhatIneededforhertodo.Abombinasmall
package,thatonewas.IhighlydoubtI'lleverforgether.
“Whatanexhaustingday.”DoctorStarkleansagainstthedoorframetomyoffice.
“Moresoforyouthanme.”Iclaspmyhandstogetherontopofmydesk,smilingather.
“Businesswillpickupforyousoon.”Shestepsinsideandtakestheseatacrossfromme.
“Iknow.I'mhappyforyou.”
“I'mhappyforbothofus.”Shebeamsatme.
“Metoo.”Ilaugh.It'snotalie.I'mfuckingoverjoyedtohaveourownpractice.AndIcouldn'tbe
sharingthisexperiencewithamorededicatedwoman.
ImetDoctorStarkataconferencelastyear.She'sastunningwoman,butassoonasshestarted
talkingabouthowshewantedtostartherownpractice,IknewthatIneededtokeepourrelationshipona
professionallevel.Luckily,ImetherslightlybeforeIhadturnedintoacompletehoebag,soshenarrowly
missedbeinginmycross-hairs.
Onlyafewyearsmysenior,shehasstraightblondehairthatshetypicallywearspulledbackinto
ahighponytail.Hersoftblueeyesarekindandunderstanding.IknewfromthefirsttimeIspoketoher
thatshewasawonderfuldoctor.Herabilitytorecallfactsisuncanny,andherinternalencyclopediaof
medicalknowledgeseemsnever-ending.She'sbrainsonlegs,andthatmakeshertwiceassexy.Petiteand
lithe and busty and smart...and a widow. We had so much in common that we hit it off immediately,
connecting over our loss and our ambition to branch away from working for others and start our own
practice.
“We should celebrate.” She slams her fist down on top of my desk. Seeing her jubilance
exhilaratesme.It'salsohighlyamusing,consideringthatshe'susuallycalmandcomposed.
“Howwouldyouliketocelebrate?Drinks?”Ileanback.
“Webothhavetoworktomorrow.Drinksprobablyaren'tagoodidea.”Thecornersofhermouth
dipinconcern.“Howareyoudoingwiththenodrinkingthing,bytheway?”
Itakeadeepbreath,regrettinghavingtoldheraboutmypreviousaddiction.Medicallyspeaking,
once an addict, always an addict. Subjecting myself to a poison that I once craved to the point of
destructionisdangerous.Sheprobablywon'tbeconvincedifItellherI'vegotitundercontrol.
“I'vegotitundercontrol.”Igiveitatryanyway.“Besides,onedrinkisn'tgoingtohurt.It'sbeen
overayearsinceIlastgotwasted,soIthinkI'llbefine.”
She stares at me blankly for several seconds before banging her fist against the armrest of the
chair.“Ohcrap.”
“What?”
Shechewsherbottomlipforamoment,lookingdistant.“IforgotthatIpromisedmydaughterI'd
takeherouttodinnertonight.”
“It'sfine.”Ishakemyhead.“Yougirlsgooutandhaveagoodtime.”
“Iknow.”Sheperksbackup.“Howaboutyoucomewithus?”
Ishiftinmyseat,abitsurprisedbytheinvitation.IntheyearthatI'veknownher,DoctorStarkhas
onlymentionedherdaughterahandfuloftimes.Ican'ttellifshetriesreallyhardtokeepherprivatelife
just that or if she likes to pretend that she doesn't have a daughter. If she has any family pride, I've
certainlyneverseenit.Shedoesn'tgushaboutherkidlikemostotherparents.It'sabitstrange,butI've
neverquestionedit.Atleast,it'sbetterthanthosepeoplewhogetexcitedeverytimetheiroffspringtakes
ashit.IsupposeIshouldn'tknockpeoplewhohavekids.Iprobablywouldhaveturnedoutthesameway
ifBlairandIhadevermadeitthatfar.
“I'dlovetomeetyourdaughter,”Isayafterabriefpause.She'sstaringatmewithsuchhopeinher
eyes,howcouldIeversayno.
“Great.It'ssettled.We'llseeyouat8PMthen.We'regoingtoSorrento'sonBroadway.Doyou
knowwherethatis?”Shepullsherphonefromherpockettobringuptheaddress.
“IhaveGoogleMaps.Icanfindit.”
“I'llsendittoyou.”Shetapsthescreenafewtimes,andmyphonebeepswithanotification.“I
hopeyoulikeItalianfood.Theymakethebestlasagna.”
“Iloveallfood.You'lleventuallydiscoverthatI'mabottomlesspit.”Ismileather.
“Great. It's a date, then.” She stands, practically bouncing with excitement. “Not a date.” Her
expressiongoesblank,perhapscatchingthequeerlookI'mgivingher.“Well,notadateinthetraditional
sense.”Shewavesthethoughtaway.
“Igetit.It'sfine.”Ilaughathercraziness.She'ssuchaninterestingwoman.
“Alright. I'll see you in a few hours, then.” She stands and takes a few steps towards the door
beforepausing.“Youdon'tmindlockingup,doyou?Ineedtogopickupmydrycleaningbeforethestore
closes.”
“It'sfine.I'vegotit.Gogetyourdrycleaning.”Inodtowardstheparkinglot.
“Thanks.”Shetakesanotherapprehensivestep,tellsmegoodbye,andthendisappears.
Iinhaledeeplybeforelockingupforthenight.EverystepthatItakeisfullofpride.I'mfinally
doingit.I'mgettingmylifebacktogether.Everythingisgoingperfectly.Myfirstdayoffightingmysex
addictionisofftoagoodstart.AsidefromafewpassingthoughtsaboutAubrey,Ihaven'treallycraved
sex.HavingdinnerwithDoctorStarkandherdaughterwilleatintoalotofmyafternoon.IfIheadstraight
homeafterthatandwatchmoviesuntilIgotobed,Ishouldbealright.Besides,it'snotlikeIgoandget
laideverynight.Justmostnights.Tonightwillbeeasypeasy.It'stheweekendsthatwillbethehardest.
TheFridaysandSaturdayswherethereareaplethoraofgirlstochoosefromintheclubs.Easypickings.
Wednesdays and Thursdays aren't too bad either. Those days are usually ladies night or college night.
Mondaysaren'thorrible.Lotsofgirlsoutatbarsmiserableaftertheirfirstdaybacktoworkfortheweek.
Tuesdaysaretheworstforpickingupgirls.
Fuck, I'm thinking about it again. I better get home and take a cold shower. Maybe I should
masturbatejusttobesafe.Thelesspent-upIam,thelessI'llwanttogooutafterdinner.
Idojustthat,focusingallofmyattentionongettingready.Eventhoughit'snotarealdate,Idress
likeIwouldifitwas.Itrymybesttoalwaysdresstoimpressbecauseyouneverknowwhoyou'llrun
into.
Iputonanavybluesuit,leavingthejacketopenandthetoptwobuttonsofmyshirtundone.I'ma
stud,andIknowit.WhileImaynotbetakinganygirlshomewithmetonight,itcertainlydoesn'thurtto
havethemlooking.There'snothingbetterthangettingeye-fuckedtodeathfromacrossaroom.
Iarriveattherestaurantabouttenminutesearlyandwaitinside.Theplaceisbusybutnotsomuch
thatreservationsareneeded.Ithinkaboutorderingaglassofwinebutdon'treallywanttohearaboutit
fromDoctorStark.Drinkingwouldprobablybeabadideaanywaybecausedrinkingmakesmehorny.I
masturbatedintheshower,butthatwillallbefornothingifIcatchabuzz.
Timetickson.DoctorStarksendsmeatexttellingmethatthey'regoingtobeaboutfiveminutes
late because her daughter took forever to get ready. If I remember correctly, her daughter is a teenager,
though I don't remember her age or even her name. No matter. Doctor Stark will remind me when she
makestheintroductions.
Ileanbackontheplushwaitingroomsofa,staringupatthegoldcelestialpatternpaintedonthe
ceilingoveraredbackground.It'sabitoddforasmallItalianrestaurant,likethey'retryingtoohardto
lookexpensive.
“We'rehere,”IhearDoctorStark'svoicechirp,drawingmyattentiontoher.
Whenmyeyeslandonthegirlstandingnexttoher,alloftheblooddrainsfrommyface.Blonde
hair.Bigblueeyes.Tinyframe.
Holyfuck,it'sAubrey.
“Issomethingwrong?”DoctorStarkraisesaneyebrow.
“No.Iwasjusthalfasleepisall.”Iswallowhardandtrytorecover,flyingfrommyseattooffer
Aubreymyhandlikewe'remeetingforthefirsttime.“Hi.I'mDoctorBlack.Iworkwithyourmother,”I
saystupidly,prayingtoeverygodintheuniversethatshedoesn'trecognizeme.
Aubreylooksdownatmyhand,thenbackupatmyface.Hereyeslingeronmineforamoment
beforeshedelicatelyslipsherhandintomine.“It'sapleasuretomeetyou.I'mAubreyStark.”
“AndI'mhungry.”DoctorStarkchimesin.“Shouldwegetatable?”
“Yes.Ofcourse.”Iwalkovertothehostesstoletherknowwe'rereadytobeseated.
ThegirlsfollowthehostesswithDoctorStarkinthelead.ItagbehindAubrey,myeyesfallingto
herassinawhitepleateddressthatstopsjustaboveherknees.Withalow-cutVinthefront,it'sacross
betweeninnocentandsexy.Isuckinabreath,feelingmybodyreactingtoherinawaythatwouldcause
meembarrassmentshouldanyonelookatmycrotch.Andatthatmoment,IrealizethatI'mfucked.Every
iotaofwillpowerIhadtoremainchastegoesrightoutthewindowasIpicturemeliftingthatdressand
buryingmydickbetweenAubrey'ssoftfolds.
CHAPTERFIVE
AUBREY
Greeneyes.Greenlikegrass.
There'ssomethingeerilyfamiliaraboutthisman.Sofamiliarthatitmakespainspikeinmyheart.
Theoddsofhimbeingthesamepersonareslim,buthe'stoouncannilysimilarformetothinkanything
but.Thehairisthesame.Thebuild.Theeyes.DoctorBlackhastobethesamemanfromlastnight.Either
thatorI'mgoingcrazy,whichcouldalsobethecase.
We're seated, and Doctor Black seems to be purposely avoiding my gaze. I stare at him almost
blatantly,analyzinghisface,tryingtoputallofthepiecestogether.Thefiveo'clockshadow.Hischiseled
jawline. The peek-a-boo of his chest where his shirt is buttoned down. Everything is as I remember it
fromlastnight.Evenhisvoice.Ineedtoseehimshirtless,though,tobesure.Ifhehasthesametattoos,
theconfirmationwillbecomplete.
“Weshouldn'tbesoformalwitheachother,”mymothersays.“We'reallgoingtoknoweachother
foraverylongtime.CallmeEula,”shetellsDoctorBlack.“MayIcallyouVash?”
Vash.Asexynameforasexyman.Andadoctor,noless.Nowonderhehassomuchmoney.
$975,000.That'showmuchhepaidformelastnight.That'showmuchsomeonepaidformelast
night. When the money actually hit my bank account, I just sat in my bedroom staring at the sum on my
phone.Thefigureseemedunreal.It'senoughtosendmetocollegewithoutacareintheworld.Morethan
enough.
“Yeah.That'sfine.”Vashglancesatmeforafractionofasecond,butthenhereturnshisattention
tomymotherasifI'mnoteventhere.
The dinner is awkward. In a mere matter of seconds, I become invisible. My mother tries to
includeme,butVashshowslittletonointerest,turningtheconversationbacktotheirnewpracticeevery
chancehecanget.It'snotlongbeforemymotherfallsinline,andtheygushbackandforthabouttheday
thattheyhadandtheirdreamsforthefuture.It'snicetohearmymomsopassionateaboutsomething.Less
nicethatI'mcatchingsightofsomethingveryobvious.She'sattractedtohim.Thisisn'thowsheusually
acts.Mymotherisnotabubblyperson.Evenifsheisexcitedaboutthenewbusiness,she'dneverhave
thismuchenergyunlessshe'saroundamanshefindsattractive.
It'sannoyingtoseeheractthiswayaroundsomeoneIprobablyhadsexwithlastnight.Ifsheonly
knewwhathappenedbetweenus.Butshecanneverknow.Noonecaneverknow.
Maybeit'sbetterifwebothpretendlikeitneverhappened.Thingswillbefarlesscomplicated
thatway.Afterall,he'smymother'sbusinesspartner,andI'llbegoingofftocollegeshortly.Wecan'tbe
together.It'sjustnotrealistic.
That doesn't stop me from feeling things, though. Being near Vash, there's a definite draw.
Listeningtothem,it'shardformetopicturehimtalkingaboutpatients.It'shardformetopicturehimas
anythingotherthannakedandbuckingbetweenmylegs,makingmefeelandthinkaboutthingsthathave
mypantiesgrowingmoist.Irubmythighstogetherinannoyance.Thisisdefinitelyanawkwarddinner.
AndIdon'tevenknowifhe'sreallytheone.
Mymotherdragsthedinneronforaslongasshecan,yetanothersignthatshe'sattractedtoVash.
She normally doesn't order dessert, always watching her waistline, but today she splurges, using the
excuseofcelebration.Webothknowsthat'sbullshit,andmysuspicionsareconfirmedwhenwefinallyall
partwaysandI'minthecarwithher.
“So,whatdoyouthinkofDoctorBlack?”sheasks,hervoicealmostsingsong.
“He'snice.”Inbed,Iadd,sniggeringtomyselfinternally.
“He is nice. I couldn't have found a better business partner.” She wrings her hands around the
steeringwheel.“Andhandsome.Don'tyouthinkhe'shandsome?”Sheglancesoveratme.
“Yes.He'shandsome.”Inod,staringstraightforward.Evenbetterwithoutclotheson.
“Ithinkwe'llmakeagreatteam.We'rebothambitiousanddedicated.Hehasn'tmissedasingle
dayofworkinthepasttwoyears,andneitherhaveI.Ourpracticeisguaranteedtobeasuccess.”
“I'm happy for you.” I groan inwardly, not wanting to hear her continue to dote on him. It's a
reminderofhowmuchlikesistersweareinsteadofmotheranddaughter.
To be honest, we've never really had a maternal relationship. My mother got pregnant with me
when she was in high school. She had wanted to abort me, but her boyfriend at the time had thought to
changehermind.Heevenwentasfarastoproposetoherandoffertoraisemeasafamily,eventhoughI
wasn'this.Forsomereasonunknowntome,itworked.Mymothergavebirthtome.Thetwoofthemgot
married,andtheyraisedmetogetherwiththehelpofhisparents.Mygrandparentsspentcountlesshours
babysitting me while my mother went to college to become a doctor and my adopted father went on to
becomeapastor.IwasraisedinaChristianhousehold.Mymotherdidherdutiesasawife,butshewas
rarely there as a mother. My adopted father did most of the parenting. To make up for her absence, my
motherlavishedmewithgifts.Igrewupaspoiledlittlerichgirl,butwhatmymothergavemeintangible
items,shedeniedmeinlove.Mosttimes,Ifeltlikeaburdenorapet.Somethingtobefedandsheltered
andlefttotendtomyself.
When my adopted father died in a car crash on his way back from visiting one of his church
members,mymotherandIwerebothdevastated.Shefellintoadeepdepressionthatnothingseemedto
beabletopenetrate.Ifshewascoldtomebeforemyfatherdied,shebecametentimescolderafterhis
death.Realizingthatshewasinnopositiontoraiseachild,mygrandparentsofferedtoletmemovein
with them. I was not given a choice by my mother, not that I would have refused their offer. And so I
movedinwiththemfortwoyearswhilemymotherrecovered.
Sheneveraskedmetomovebackinwithher.
While I loved my grandparents, living with them was suffocatingly restrictive. They had old-
fashionedChristianmorals.Mademewearclothesthatweretoomodestandoutofstyle.Iwasn'tallowed
tohangoutwithboys,andtheypolicedwhatIcouldwatchontelevisionheavily.Theyevenmonitoredmy
computer activity, blocking all social media sites and making me carry around a flip phone with no
internetaccess.
AssoonasIwasoldenoughtodrive,IknewIhadtogetoutofthere.WhenIaskedmymomifI
couldmovebackinwithher,sheimmediatelysaidyes.Withinafewdaysofmovingin,sheboughtmea
car and pretty much left me to my own devices. It was everything that I had hoped for, except that it
wasn't.Igreatlymissedtheaffectionthatmygrandparentsbestowedonme,andthefirstyearthatIwas
able to drive, I think I spent more time visiting them than my friends just so that I could get what was
lackingathome.Love.
Mindyou,there'slittledoubtthatmymotherlovesme.Iamherfleshandblood,afterall.Butshe
doesabadjobofshowingit.EventhoughIfeelclosertohernowthatI'vegottenolder,ourrelationship
stillisn'twhatitshouldbe.Wetelleachotherourwoes,butshedoesn'tgooutofherwaytomakemefeel
specialorlikesheactuallywantsmearound.Wejust...co-exist,forlackofabetterword.
Andso,I'mforcedtoendureherswooningoverVashBlack.Andtobehonest,Ican'tblameher.
He seems like a great catch. Not that she's caught him yet. Though she doesn't fail to mention that he's
single.
“Doeshehaveanytattoos?”Iaskoutoftheblue.It'stheonlydetailI'mreallyinterestedin.Iwant
toknowforcertainifhe'sthemanIwaswithlastnight.
“Tattoos?”Shearchesaneyebrowatme.“NotthatI'veseen.”
Well,youwouldn'thaveseentheseunlesshehadhisshirtoff.Atleast,Iknowyouhaven'tslept
withhimyet.Ofcourse,ifshehad,Iwouldhaveheardaboutitalready.
“That'sanoddquestion.Whydoyouask?”Shepullsintothedrivewayofourhomeandkillsthe
engine.
“No reason. I was just curious.” I open the door, glad that I can get away from her. If I had to
lingerinherpresence,she'dlikelytalkaboutVashallnight.
I go to my room and lie on my bed, staring up at the ceiling with a sigh. There's a soreness
betweenmylegs.Proofofwhathappenedlastnight—thatitwasreal.
IhadalwaysimaginedthatIwouldtellmymotherwhenIdidlosemyvirginitysothatshecould
getmeoncontraceptives.Thereareadvantagestoyourmotherbeingadoctor.ButIhadneverimagined
thatIwouldloseitlikeIdid,andIknowshewouldwantatleastsomeofthedetails.Ihaveaplantotake
careofthat.Ado-overofsorts.AstorythatIcangiveherthatshewon'tbedisappointedin.Butfornow,
Idon'twanttothinkaboutthat.Iwanttofantasizeaboutamanwithdarkhairandachiseledjawline—a
manwhoIthinkIfinallyhaveanameforbesidesSir.
***
Iwanttoputwhathappenedattheauctionbehindme,butthat'seasiersaidthandone,especially
when I'm fairly certain that the man I slept with is now my mother's business partner. Images of Vash's
smilewhilewewerehavingdinnerhauntme,theeasywaythathespoke,thepristinefitofhissuit.Ithink
aboutthedinnerinfascinationalmostasmuchasIthinkaboutthenightoftheauction.
Vash Black. Are you the man I sold my virginity to? The fact that we met again can't be a
coincidence.NeithercanthefactthatI'veachedforyourtoucheversinceItookthatwalkofshame
outofthehotel.
“Areyoualright?”David,mydateforthenight,asks.
“Hm?”Iglanceupathimfrommyplateoffood.I'vebarelytouchedanythingthatIordered.There
aresomanythingsweighingonmymindthatIdon'thavemuchofanappetite.
“Youseemabitoutofittonight?”Hebendsslightlytotrytocapturemyattentionfromslipping
awayfromhimagain.
“Iam.I'msorry.It'sjustbeenaweirdlastfewdays.”Isigh,tryingtobringmyselfbackintothe
moment,whichIthinkI'vebeensubconsciouslyavoidingbecauseIfeelguiltyaboutwhatIhaveplanned.
“Talktome.YouknowIalwayshaveanearforyou.”Davidpicksuphisburgerandtakesahuge
biteasiflisteningandchewinggohandinhand.
I smirk at him, though not much joy makes it to my eyes. He's a good guy. No. A great guy.
HandsomeandChristianandkindandeverythingmyfatherandgrandparentswouldwantforme.Evenmy
mother loves him. I've known him since we had choir together my sophomore year of high school. He
made his attraction to me known from the get-go. We secretly dated for about two weeks before I got
freakedoutaboutmygrandparentsfindingoutanddumpedhim.Afterthat,hekepthisdistanceforayear.
Whenwereconnected,hewasdatingoneofmyfriends.Itwasn'tuntilafterhebrokeupwithher
thathestartedshowinginterestinmeagain.Bythattime,Ihadmovedbackinwithmymother.Istillused
theexcuseofnotbeingallowedtodatetoblowoffhisadvances.WhenIstarteddatinganotherboy,he
realizedthatIhadn'texactlybeentruthful.Davidwasmadatmeforafewweeks,butheeventuallygot
overit,layinglowuntilIwassingleagain.
We've become great friends over the years, but anytime we're both single, he goes straight into
pursuitmode.Tonight,hiseffortsaregoingtofinallypayoff.
I take a deep breath, wanting to divulge all of my secrets but knowing that I can't. It's difficult
keeping something so big locked up inside. I suppose that's what therapists are for, though. Maybe I
shouldstartthinkingaboutmakinganappointmentwithone.
I drag my tongue over my bottom lip, feeling my mouth go dry as images of Sir's naked body
writhing on top of me flash through my mind. Just thinking about him makes me wanton. My pussy
clenches as I secretly fantasize about the filling sensation from when his cock was buried inside of
me...andwhenhecame,mygoodness.
“The guy that my mom opened her new doctor's office with...I can't help but get the feeling I've
seenhimbefore.”It'ssoincrediblyvaguethatit'spathetic.
“Oh?Whyisthatsoweird?”Davidpicksupafryanddipsitinketchupbeforestickingitinhis
mouth.
“Iguessit'snot.”Ishrinkbackintomyseat,wishingIhadn'tsaidanythingatall.“Justforgetabout
it.I'mjustinaweirdmood.”
“I'm sure some dessert will cheer you up.” He takes the dessert menu from behind the napkin
holderandhandsittome.
He'ssosweet,itmakesmequestionifI'mdoingtherightthing.I'mnotexactlyusinghim,perse.
At least, I hadn't planned to. Before realizing that the guy that I slept with might be my mother's new
businesspartner,IhadplannedtosubmittodatingDavid.Itseemedlikethemostnaturalflowofthingsto
getwhatIneededtocleansemefromtheexperienceoftheauction.Becomehisgirlfriend.Havesexwith
him.Livecontentedlyeverafter...oratleastuntilImovetoNewYork.Icertainlydon'thaveanybetter
datingprospects.Besides,bothmymomandgrandparentswouldbeoverjoyedtoknowIwaswithanice
Christian man, despite the fact that they don't know that David doesn't practice the save it till marriage
ruleofourreligion.
“Thanks,”Ireplyfeebly,lookingathimoverthetopofthemenu.
Davidisattractive,butwe'veknowneachotherlongenoughthathe'skindafallenintothefriend
zone.Hisdirtyblondehair,blueeyes,andathleticbuildhadalotofthegirlsatschoolswooningover
him.HecertainlyhadalotmoregirlfriendsthanIhadboyfriends,seemingtocyclethroughthemevery
few months. I'm the only girl he's managed to maintain a friendship with long-term, and that's probably
justbecauseI'mtheonethatgotaway.
Who knows? Perhaps if we do date, he'll get sick of me in a few months too. The fact that it
wouldn'tbothermeshouldbeagoodindicationthatIdon'treallywantarelationshipwithhim.
We finish our meal and head back to his house. His parents are away on a cruise, and his little
brotherisstayingathisfriend'splace,sowehavethehousealltoourselves.Thisisn'tthefirsttimeI've
been alone with David, but it is the first time that I plan to spend the night alone with him. All of the
opportunitiesthatwehadtodoitbeforeIpassedoninfearofhimadvancingonme.He'salwaysbeena
gentleman,forthemostpart,buthehastriedtosneakakissafewtimes,andeventhatwasmorethanI
wanted.
Tonight,theruleschange.
WethrowdownpillowsonthefloorinhislivingroomandcuddleuptogethertowatchTV.He
placeshisarmaroundmyshoulder,andInuzzleagainsthim,gettingmorecloseandcozythanInormally
would. For as much as I try to concentrate on being with him, my mind keeps floating back to Sir. His
armsarethickerthanDavid's,hisbodyfarmoremuscular.Itrytoimaginewhatitwouldfeelliketoby
lying against Sir like this instead. I doubt we would be doing much lazying around, though. It probably
wouldn'tbelongbeforehishandsbegantoroam.Thinkingaboutitmakesmysexualcenterawaken.
It'ssuchastrangething,likethatoneeroticencounterflippedaswitchoninsideofmethathad
beenlockedinoffmodebefore.NeverhaveIcravedintimacyasIhavesincebeingwithSir.It'sasifhe
poisonedmewithhisvirility.Mycuntyearnstobefilled,mybodytobetouched.IblushasIrealizethat
mynipplesarealreadybeadingfromjustthinkingaboutsuchdirtythings.
Ineedsex.WordsIneverthoughtIwouldsayorthink.Butthey'retrue.Thecravingistoostrong
to be denied. And while David isn't who I want, I can't resist the urge to seduce him. Because if I can
seducehim,thenmaybeIcanseduceVash.MaybeIcanhavemymother'ssexybusinesspartner.Maybe
hewillendupbeingSir,andwecanfindsomewaytobetogether.
It'sallsoillogical,butmyhormonesaretakingovereverycommonsenseIhave.Iwantsomany
thingsthatIshouldn't.Somanyforbiddenthings.
IstartrubbingDavid'sstomach,makingasmallmoaningsoundasIclosemyeyesandnuzzlemy
faceagainsthischest,rememberingthefeelofSir'sslacksagainstmyskin.David'sabdominalmuscles
remindmeofasmallrollofsofthills.Hetakesgoodcareofhimself—hehadtosincehewasthecaptain
ofthefootballteam—buthe'snotcarvedoutofstonelikeSiris.
Davidrespondsbyrubbingmybackandglancingdownatme.“What'swrong?”
When I gaze into his eyes, I make my intentions clear. He sucks in a breath as he sees the heat
there.Thenervousnessthatflashesacrosshisexpressiononlylastsforasplitsecondbeforehefallsin
syncwithwhat'sgoingon.
Hereachesdowntocaressmyface,andIcrawluphisbody,pausingbeforemymouthtoucheshis.
There'sbarelyamomentofhesitationbeforeheleansintokissme,hisfingersslidingintomycurls.The
kississoftandfulloflove,hispassionbridledasheworkstopleaseme.Sirwouldnotkisslikethis.I
nevergottoexperiencethepleasureofhislipsonmine,butIknowthismuchjustfrombeingwithhimin
otherways.Davidkisseslikeamanwholovesme.That'sahugedifferencebetweenthem—adifference
betweenhowstrangerskissandhowthosewithabonddo.IshouldappreciateDavid'sgentilityandcare
far more than I do. Right now, I just want to be relentlessly ravaged by strong hands and brazen lips. I
want...
I clip David's bottom lip between my teeth hard, trying to draw some aggression from him. It
worksbetterthanIthoughtitwould.Hehissesbeforekissingmemoredeeply,hisfingerstighteninginmy
hairashepressesourmouthstogether,histongueglidingontopofmineandexploringtheslickcavernof
mymouth.
IbreakfreefromthekissmomentarilytostraddleDavidandpulloffmyshirt.Hiseyesgrowwide
astheylandonmylacypinkbra.
“Wow.”Hetearshishandthroughhishair.“Justwow.”
“Lesstalking.Morekissing.”Iassaulthimagain,grabbinghishandandplacingitonmybreast.
His other hand quickly rises to join the first, cupping my breasts and squeezing them gently.
David'shandsfeeldifferentthanSir's.Hisfingersarethinner,butit'smorethanthat.It'sthewaythathe
touchesme.IsupposeIshouldn'tbesurprised.Notallmenaregoingtobethesame.Therearedifferent
levelsofskillandexperience.Everyloverisuniqueintheirownway.
Stop thinking about Sir. Enjoy this. You need it. Besides, it's not fair to David for you to be
thinkingaboutsomeoneelsetheentiretime.
IdomybesttoshelvemyobsessionwithSir,thoughit'smucheasiersaidthandone.Everykiss
remindsmeofwhatImissedouton.Everytouchisfartoogentle.Thecontactisn'tthesame.Themood
isn'tthesame.Inastrangeway,thisisacompletelynewexperienceforme.
David fidgets with the button on my white skinny jeans. I should have worn a skirt, but I didn't
wanthimtothinkthatIhadthisplanned,eventhoughIdid.Iclimboffofhimandhelphimgetmypants
off.Hemarvelsatmymatchinglacepantiesforamomentbeforereturninghisattentiontomybreasts.The
wayhecan'tkeephishandsoffofthemmakesmethinkofateenageboygettingtotouchboobsforthefirst
time.Iknowhe'smoreexperiencedthanthat.Maybehe'sjustabreastguy.He'salwaysdatedreallybusty
girlsinthepast.
We move up onto the couch, and I sit on his lap, kissing him while his hands keep their focus
trainedonmytits.Hebravesgoingundermybra,towhichIrespondbytakingitoff.Almostimmediately,
hismouthfindsmynipple,andhesucksitbetweenhislips.Anelectricshockzipsstraighttomycore,the
firsteroticthingI'vefeltsofarthatsomewhatresembleswhatIexperiencedwithSir.Itiltmyheadback
andmoansoftlyashismouthgetstoworknibblingandlickingatthebud.Mypantiesquicklybegintofeel
moistfromthestimulation.Everysecondtakesmeclosertomyhappyplace,theplacewhereallIcare
aboutisbeingpleasured.
For as much as I was annoyed only moments ago from him being so gropey with my boobs, I'm
lovingtheattentionnow.Davidtakeshistimeoneachone,hismouthrelentlesslytastingandteasingme.
Whatnipplehe'snotsuckingon,hepinchesbetweenhisfingertips,shootingjoltsofpleasurethroughme
thatmakemesqueezemythighstogether.
“Let's take this to my room,” he says breathily as his lips finally leave my chest, and I nod in
agreement,takinghishandandwalkingwithhimtowardshisroom.Hisstridesaresolongandinsuch
hastethatIthinkhemightbeworriedthatI'llsuddenlychangemymind.There'snochanceofthat.I'mtoo
workeduptostopnow.
Icrawlonhisbedandturnontomybackinvitingly.Davidclimbsontopofme,hismouthfinding
mine again, his hands sliding over the swell of my breasts. His thumbs tease across my nipples as he
kneadshisfingersintomyflesh,andImoanintohismouthtoshowmyapproval.
Thistime,whenhislipsdescendtocircleoneofthetautpeaks,hishandslipsbetweenmylegs,
histhumbrubbingacrossmyfolds.Ipartmythighsforhim,tryingnottoseemtooneedybutwantinghis
touch.Everythingfeelssweetandheavenly.
In a perfect world, this is how my first time would have been. Gentle and careful and entirely
focused on my pleasure. I can tell that David is trying hard to make the experience enjoyable for me,
becauseasfarasheknowsI'mstillavirgin.HeprobablythinksthatIneedtobehandledwithcaresothat
hewon'tscaremeaway.Tobehonest,verylittlewouldscaremeawayrightnow,especiallyafterwhatI
wentthroughwithSir.
Islidemyhandthroughhishair,tusslingitabit.Helooksupatme,andIsmile.“Youhavetoo
manyclotheson.”
“Do I?” He smirks before sitting up and pulling his shirt over his head. I've seen him shirtless
dozensoftimesatthepoolinhisneighborhood,sothere'snomysterytowhat'sbeneath.It'swhenhetakes
hisjeansoffthatIgettothesurprise.
I'm a lot more impressed than I thought I would be, not that I'm a size queen, by any means.
Standingnakedbeforeme,I'mseeingDavidinanewlight.It'snowobviouswhysomanygirlswanttobe
withhim.He'spracticallyperfectinanall-Americanway.Fitandhandsomeand...Ohyeah,ifgirlssaw
whathewaspackingthey'donlywanthimmore.
Butfornow,he'sallmine,andIcouldn'tbehappieraboutthat.
He crawls back up onto the bed and lies down on his back, opening his arms to me. I can only
assumethathewantstocuddleforabit,butIgostraightforthatprettydickofhisinstead.Hegaspswhen
Iwrapmyhandaroundthebaseandflickmytongueacrosshistip.Helooksatmeandopenshismouthas
ifhe'sgoingtosaysomething,butthenhejustwetshislipsinstead.Itakeitasasignthatit'sokayforme
tocontinue.
Ofcourse,hedoesn'tobject.IconjureupwhatsalivaIcanbeforeIwrapmymoutharoundhim
and start to bob. He presses his head into the pillow and moans as I get to work sucking him. There's
somethingniceaboutleisurelypleasuringhim.I'mnotworriedthathe'sgoingtoputhishandontheback
ofmyheadandforcemedown.Icantakemytimeandexplorehiscockthoroughly,andthat'sexactlywhat
Ido,takingineverytasteandsmellandsensation.
My tongue swirls around the crown, feeling its ridges. Then I press the tip into his little slit,
lappingupabeadofhispre-seedasIgo.It'ssalty,muchmorethanSir'swas.Icanonlyassumethatdiet
playsaprettybigfactorinthedifferenceintastebetweenthem.Idon'tminditmuch,thoughSirdefinitely
hasabetterflavor.
WhenIfeelI'vehadenoughofhavinghiminmymouth,Ipulloffmyunderwearandcrawlover
him.David'slipsmeetmineinaseriesofpassionatekisses,hishandscomingtomyasstoruboverthe
globes. He grabs and squeezes once, which I find absolutely adorable. There are small breaks in his
restraint,butforthemostparthehasagoodhandleonhimself.Iwishhehadlessofahandleonhimself.
I'minterestedtoseewhathe'dbelikeifhedidn'tcareaboutmesomuch,butI'mnotgoingtopressfor
thatnow.Istillhavetoplaytheinnocentcard,atleastfortherestoftonight.
Icanfeelhiscockstrainingagainstmystomachaswekiss.Hispulseisbeatinghard,likeallof
his blood went straight down south. The fact that he's so turned on heightens my arousal. He's been
waitingforthisforalongtime—appreciatesitfarmorethanSircouldhaveeverappreciatedbeingwith
me.It'sthesesmallsubtledifferencesthatmakemethinkI'mdoingtherightthing,thatspurmeondespite
myheart'shesitation.
Isitupandstartlininghiscockupwithmyentryway.IexpecthimtoaskifthisiswhatIreally
want,likeSirdid,buthedoesn't.
“SorryifI'mnotthatgood.Thisismyfirsttime.”Torideacock.Nottohaveoneinme.
“I'msureyou'lldofine.”Hegivesmeareassuringsmile.
Igrabhimatthebase,rubbinghistipbackandforthbetweenmyfoldsafewtimes,enjoyingthe
feeling of it passing over my clit, before I finally start lowering myself down on him. The spreading
sensationisgood,thoughnotquitethesamewayitwaswithSir.IexhaleanunsteadybreathasItakehim
allthewayintome,sittingbackandallowingmybodyafewmomentstoadjust.
Davidimmediatelystartsthrustingfrombelow.Iplacemyhandsonhislowerstomachandenjoy
theride,moaningashehitsthatspecialplaceinsideofmewitheverybuckofhiships.Itfeelssoamazing
beingfilledagain.Thefactthathe'svocaltooonlyelevatesmyarousal.Histhroatisachorusoflabored
breaths,pleasuredhisses,andsoftmoans.Istartmovingontopofhimtohearmoreofit.
“Let'stradespots,”Davidtellsmeafterawhile.
Icrawloffofhim,lyingonthebedwithmylegsspread,andheclimbsontopofmetoenterme
again.Igroan,drunkfromourcoupling,worriedthatImightbebecomingasexaddict.Ican'tbelieveI
waitedsolongtodothis.HadIknownsexwasthisgood,Iprobablywouldhavestartedhavingityears
ago.
Davidleansovertogivemeatenderkissonthelipsbeforehestartspumpingintome.Briefly,I
wonderifhe'snoticedthatI'mnotbleeding.Ialreadyhaveanexplanationplanned,somethingaboutan
injury that tore my hymen when I was younger, but I doubt that he'll ask. He wouldn't want to hurt my
feelingswithskepticism.
Itfeelsmuchbetterhavinghimontop,thoughhisvocalizationdiesdownwithmylossofcontrol.
Mineincreasesbecauseoftheconstrictedpositionwithmykneesuptomychestandhiscockdrillinginto
mewitheachthrust.Heslowshispacedowneveryonceinawhile,rotatinghishipstotouchallofmy
sweetspots.Itfeelslikeheavenonearth,andIclosemyeyes,losingmyselftothepleasureofitall.
“Alittlefaster,”Itellhim,feelingmyorgasmbuilding.
Davidimmediatelypicksupthepace,hisdickslammingintome.Thefrictionmakesmyclimax
rockettothesurface.“Ohyeah,”IcryoutbeforeIshatteralloverhisdick.
“Ohyeah.”Hemirrorsmysentiment,pumpingafewmoretimesbeforepullingoutandshooting
hisloadallovermystomachandtits.
Iblushashepaintsmewiththickstreamsofsemen,toweringovermelikeasexualAdoniswhile
hisclimaxplaysout.It'sthefirsttimeI'veseenhimasmorethanmyfriendfromschoolinaverylong
time.
But as he cleans us up and the afterglow of sex fades, so do my fond feelings for him. Within
secondsoflyinginhisarmsafterit'sallsaidanddone,thingsbegintofeel...notright.IknowI'vesinned
again.KnowIjustusedareallygreatguy.KnowthatI'mscrewingwithhisemotions,andtosomeextent,
alsomyown.
“Areyoualright?”heasksmefinally.
I don't know. “Yes,” I lie, wanting to add that just because we had sex doesn't mean we're
together.
Bysomemiracle,hedoesn'ttalkaboutrelationshipstuff.Ifiguredthatwouldbethefirstsubject
thatcameupafterwehadsex.Instead,weliethereinsilence,andit'snotlongbeforeIhearhimsnoring
beside me. I fall asleep in his arms, feeling all sorts of wrong, wondering what I've just gotten myself
into.
CHAPTERSIX
VASH
Everythingisgoingwellwiththelaunch.Aspredicted,someofmyclientsfromthehospitalare
startingtomakeanappearance.BothEulaandIarebookedsolidmostdays.Itfeelsabitstrangebeingon
a first name basis with her, but I suppose it was inevitable. Formalities don't last very long when you
worksidebysidewithsomeoneasanequal.
We'vegottencloseroverthepastfewweeks.I'mnotblindtothesubtleflirting.AndIwanttolike
her,Ido.Aromancebloomingoutofourworkplacerelationshipseemsalmostnatural,thoughit'seasyto
keepitatbaywhenIthinkofwhatoneofuswouldloseifthingsfellapart.Morethanthat,though,Ikeep
thinkingaboutAubrey.Seeingherattherestaurantabsolutelyflooredme.Itflooredme,anditmademe
thinkaboutamillionthingsitshouldn'thave,mostlyrelatedtosex.
TryasImight,Ican'tseemtogetthatdamngirloutofmyhead.KnowingthatI'msoclosetoher.
Knowingthatshecouldshowupatanymomenttovisithermother,ithasmeonpinsandneedles.Not
because I'm scared of her recognizing me, but because I know that the need to have her again will
resurface. Every time I close my eyes I see her smooth skin, pouty lips, and full breasts. I hear her
pleasuredmoansandthesweetsoundofhervoicecallingmeSir.Justthinkingaboutitmakesmycock
swell,soIdomyverybestnottothinkaboutitunlessI'mathomewhereIcanpullmydickoutandstroke
mydesireaway.
Blessedly,Aubreyhasn'tshownupsincetherestaurant,whichmeanssheprobablydoesn'trealize
whoIam.Thingsarebetterthatway.ThelastthingIneedistobechasingaftersomeyounggirl.Noless,
mybusinesspartner'skid.EulawouldprobablythinkIwassomesickfuckifIdidthat.Besides,itwould
breakherheart.No,Idefinitelycan'tgothere.ThemoredistanceIcanplacebetweenthatvixenandme,
thebetter.Istillcan'thelpbutbecuriousabouther,though.Hermotherisobviouslyloaded.Shedoesn't
comefromabadhome,andthere'snostep-fathertoabuseher.Whatwouldhavedrivenhertosellherself
attheauction?
“I'mstarving.”Eulathrowsherselfagainstthedoorframeofmyoffice.“Wanttogrababurger?
There'sanewplacedownthestreetthatoneofmypatientswasravingabout.”Shepointsdownthestreet.
I sigh and smile. It's been a long day. I want nothing more than to head to the gym and get my
workoutin,thengohomeandsettleinfrontofthetelevisiontowastetherestoftheafternoonaway.ButI
doknowthatIneedtoeat,andIdon'treallyfeellikecooking.
“Sure.”Ipullmystethoscopefromaroundmyneckandleaveitonmydeskbeforestandingtolock
upandheadout.
We take my car to the place she was speaking of and settle into a table. For her patient raving
aboutthefood,therestaurantispracticallyempty.Thatalwaysmakesmeabitleery,especiallythislate
intheafternoon.Butwe'realreadyhere,sowemightaswelltryit.
We place our order, and I resist the urge to order a cocktail. Ever since I've given up sex, my
craving for alcohol has come back tenfold. It seems like I always need to be addicted to something. I
shouldprobablyfindahobby,somethingtotakemymindawayfromallofthevicesI'musedtoindulging
in.
“Isawtwopeoplewiththeflutoday,”Eulatellsme.“Soweird.Thefluseasonshouldhaveended
already.”
“Yeah.Ihadonetoo.”Ifishthelemonoutofmywaterwithafork.
“Andthisonekidwhowaskickingandscreamingbecausehedidn'twanttogethisshots.Didyou
hear him?” She groans. “The girls had to hold him down while I gave it to him. The damn kid just
wouldn'tbedistracted.Ipulledoutalloftheoldtricks,butnothingworked.”
“Betteryouthanme.”Igrin.
“You probably could have handled it. You're great with children.” She glances up at me before
shiftingherattentiontothetableanddrawingafigureeightontopofitwithherfingertip.
“Speakingofkids,doyouhaveanyplanswithAubreythissummer?”
“Planslikewhat?”Shesoundsdisinterestedinthesubject.
“Likevacationplans.”
Eulaharrumphs.“Wejustopenedthepractice,Vash.It'snotlikeIcantaketimeoffforsomething
likethat.”
“Dothetwoofyouusuallygoonvacationduringthesummer?”
“Notusually.”Sheleansback.“I'maworkaholic.IprettymuchletAubreydoherownthing,so
it'salwayssummertoher.”
That'snotquitehowitworks,butIdarenottellherthat.Besides,whoamItosayanything.Idon't
havekidsofmyown.
“Youdon'ttalkaboutherveryoften.”IbroachasubjectwhichIknowmightbesensitive.
Shesighs,theday'sexhaustionshowingonherface.“Iprefertokeepmypersonallifepersonal.”
“Well.”Ileanback,tryingtoseemmorefriendly.“We'regoingtobeworkingtogetherforeverif
thingsgowell,youdon'thavetofeellikeyouneedtokeepyourpersonallifefromme.”
“Thanks,Vash.That'sreallysweet.”Hereyesmeetmine,andIcanseethesinceritybehindthem.
“Thesamegoesforyou.”
“Mylifeisboring.There'srarelyanythingofinteresttoreport.”
“Idoubtthat.”Shesmiles.
“I'mmuchmoreinterestedinyourlife.”Iclaspmyhandstogetherontopofthetable.“Itmustbe
hardbeingasingleparent.”
“Notreally.Aubreyisoldenoughtodoherownthing.Shehasherlife,andIhavemine.”
“Butitwasn'talwaysso,I'msure.”
“No,itwasn'talwaysso.”Eulashakesherhead.
“Whatkindofamanwasherfather?Irememberyoutellingmethathepassedaway,butyounever
reallytalkmuchabouthimeither.”
“The best kind of man.” Her face lights up with memories. “Good. Kind. Stable. He was a
preacheratthechurchnearourhouse.Hewasagreathusbandandanevenbetterfather.Icouldn'thave
askedforanythingmore.”
Thewayshespeaksofhimgivesmethefeelingthattherewasn'tanyabuseinAubrey'spast.You
canneverreallytell,though.Sometimes,womenputthementheylovebeforetheirchildren.It'sahorrible
thing,butithappensmoreoftenthananyonelikestoadmit.I'venevergottentheimpressionthatEulaisa
weakwomanthough.Sheseemstohavehershittogether.Isassertiveandindependent.Idoubtshe'dleta
manwalkalloverherorherdaughter.
“Apreacher,huh?”Isnort.
“What?”There'saglimmerofamusementinhereyesasifshecanreadwhatI'mthinking.
“Youdon'texactlyseemlikethereligioustype.Nooffense.”
“I'm not,” she confesses. “I wasn't back then, either. The church was his thing, though we made
suretokeepAubreyinvolved.Ionlywentonoccasion,mostlyonholidays.It'sagreatwaytobringupa
child.Iwantedthatstructureforher.Webothdid.Ijusthadahardtimebeingapartofit.”
“Toeachtheirown.”Itakeasipofmywater.
“Itsureistakingalongtimeforourfoodtogethere.”Eulacastsaglancetowardsthekitchen.The
entrancetoitisopen,andwecanseethechefswalkingaroundbusilypreparingfood.Whilethedining
roomisnearlyempty,there'saGrubHubguyandawomanwaitingforto-goordersnearthebar.
“Hopefully,it'sworththewait.”Myeyesflittotherowsofbottleslinedupbehindthebar,and
againIfeelthecravingforalcohol.
ItrytodistractmyselfbythinkingmoreaboutAubrey.Apreacher'sdaughter,huh.Iguesstheline
inherprofileaboutherbeinganinnocentChristiangirlwasn'talie.Theysaythatthepreacher'sdaughters
turnouttheworst.Judgingbyherenjoymentofourtimetogether,Iwouldhavetosaythatseemstrue.
Iwetmylips,thinkingaboutherhoney-blondecurlstangledinmyfingers,aboutthewayhersmall
tongueflickedoutatmycock.Myjeansbecomeuncomfortablytightasabulgebeginstoform,andIknow
thatIpickedthewrongwaytodistractmyattention.
“So,doesAubreyhaveaboyfriend?”Holyshit,whydidyouevenaskthat?Icringebeforethe
wordsevenfinishleavingmymouth.It'snotlikeIcansuckthembackinthough.Atleasttheydon'tsound
veryinterested.Morelikecasualconversation.Awkward,casualconversation.
Eulagivesmeaqueerlook.“Idon'treallyknow.She'sbeenseeingthisDavidkidforawhile,but
Idon'tthinkthey'retogether.
“It'sonlyamatteroftime,though.Thetwoofthemareperfectforeachother.He'sthekindofboy
thatWillwouldhavelikedtoseeherwith.HegoestochurcheverySunday.Comesfromagoodfamily.”
Shenodsinapproval,andmyheartsinks.
SoAubrey's dating someoneelse. Maybe she'snot such a goodgirl after all.I know for certain
thatshewasavirgin,though.Theproofwasonmycock.There'snofakingthat.
“Will was my late husband, by the way,” Eula quickly tells me, not that I was even listening
anymore.
“That's good,” I say absentmindedly. “He'll make a good husband for her someday.” Just the
thoughtmakesmygutstwistwithjealousy.Idon'twantanyoneelse'shandsonAubrey.God,IhopeIdon't
havetoseethemtogether,orImightwanttobreakthekid'sface.
“Icertainlyhopeso.Morethanthat,though,Ihopeshemakesuphermindonamajorandstarts
collegesoon.Youknowwhathappenswhenkidsdecidetotaketimeoff.”Hereyeslockonawaitress
comingoutofthekitchen,thenherlipsdipintoafrownastheorderisdeliveredtoanothertable.
I do know. Most of my friends who decided to take a year off before starting college never
actuallywent.MyparentspressuredmehardtomakesurethatIattendedcollegerightoutofhighschool,
andI'mgladthattheydid,orelseImighthavesufferedthesamefate,workingsomedead-endjob,barely
gettingby.
“College is important,” I mutter before looking at Eula. “So, Aubrey hasn't decided on a major
yet?”
Shescrunchesupherface,shiftingherweightinherchair.“Yesandno.”
“Yesandno?What'sthatsupposedtomean?”Iletoutashortlaugh.
“Shehas.It'sjust...stupid.”Eularollshereyes.
“Likeclownschool?”Itease.
“There'snosuchthing.”Shecocksherheadtotheside.
“You never know. They have schooling for everything these days.” I inhale deeply, my stomach
startingtogrowl.EvenI'mbeginningtogetimpatient.SurelytoGoditdoesn'ttakethislongtocookafew
hamburgers.
“Itmightaswellbeclownschool.”Sheharrumphs.“Shewantstomajorintheaterarts.”
“What'swrongwiththat?”Ifurrowmybrowinconfusion.
“She wants to be a Broadway actress.” Eula waves the idea away as if it's the most ridiculous
thingshe'severheard.
I nod slowly, starting to get a better picture of things. While I can understand why Eula isn't
thrilled about Aubrey's choice, the fact is that it's not hers to make. Everyone should be free to pursue
theirowndreams.Youcan'tforcesomeonetodosomethingtheydon'twanttodo.
“Andyoudon'tapprove?”Istatetheobvious.
“Ofcourse,Idon'tapprove.There'snomoneyinthat.”
“Well,ifshemakesit,there'salotofmoneyinit,actually.”
“Butwhataretheoddsthatshe'dactuallymakeit?”Shegivesmeasarcasticlook.“Doyouhave
anyideahowmanygirlsaspiretobecomeactresseseveryyearjusttofail?”
“Alot,Iimagine.Butsomedomakeit.”IinternallysighinreliefasIseethewaitresscomeoutof
thekitchenagain.There'snooneelsetofeed,sothishastobeourorder.
“IwantAubreytodosomethingrealistic.Ifshewantstopursueactinginherfreetime,that'sfine.
But if she's going to spend my money to go to college, then I'm not paying for anything that doesn't
guaranteeherastablecareer.”
“So I take it she didn't apply for any scholarships?” I barely acknowledge the waitress as she
places our food in front of us and turns around to walk off without so much as a word. This place
definitelyisn'tgettinganystarsforservice.
“No.”Eulaunwrapsherburgerandpicksitup,preparingtotakeabite.“IfI'mbeinghonest,she's
abitlazy.That'sonethingherfatherwasalwaysbetteraboutthanIhavebeen.Hestayedontopofher.
Madesureshegotgoodgrades.WiththelonghoursthatIusedtoputin,Ijustdidn'thavetheenergyonce
hepassedaway.Hergradessufferedforit.Ican'thelpbutfeelpartiallyresponsible,butthebruntofitis
onherforslackingoff.Idon'tunderstandwhywehavetopoliceourkidssohard.ButIsupposeitiswhat
itis.Theydon'tcareenoughabouttheirownfuturestodowhat'sright.”Shefrownsatherburgerbefore
takingabite.
Fromthewayshe'smakingitsound,parentingwasneveroneofEula'stoppriorities.Icanonly
imaginehowthatmighthavefuckedAubreyupwhenshewasgrowingup.Maybeitplaysintowhyshe
didwhatshedid.
I open my mouth to ask more questions, but Eula interrupts. “I don't want to talk about her
anymore.”
“What?”Igrabafryanddipitintoketchup.
“I just want to eat. Dear God, I hadn't realized how hungry I was.” She takes a bite out of her
burgerfarbiggerthanIthoughtshewascapableof.
Ican'thelpbutsmileasIwatchthejuicesfromtheburgerdribbledownherchin.AsIstareather,
I see the similarities between them. Aubrey's eyes are almost the same color, though they seem a bit
brighter.Theirhaircolorissimilartoo,thoughEula'sisashadedarker.It'soddtothinkthatIfuckedher
daughter—makesmefeelabitguilty,even.Butwhatmakesmefeelevenguiltieristhat,despiteknowing
everythingthatIknownow,Istillwanttofuckheragain.
CHAPTERSEVEN
AUBREY
Ihadsworntomoveon,thatmytimewithSirhadendedaftertheauction.IfheandVasharethe
sameman,it'sobviousthathe'snotasinterestedinmeasIaminhim.He'snotfeelingthesameneedto
re-connect,andforthatreasonalone,Ineedtojustletitgo.Ican'tbeasillylittlegirlchasingafteran
unattainableman.
Besides,IhaveDavidnow.We'repracticallyacouple,thoughneitherofushasmadeitofficial.
He'sperfectforme.Myage.Inmyleague.Sweetandcaringandsomeonemyfamilywouldbeproudof
medating.
Exceptthathe'snotwhatIwant.ExceptthateverytimeIclosemyeyes,Iseedarkhair,achiseled
physique,andgreeneyes.EverytimemybodyawakenswithdesirelateatnightwhileI'mlyinginbed,
it'sSirthatIfantasizeabout.
I'm obsessed with him. It's sad and pathetic, but no matter how much time I spend with David
tryingtoforgetwhathappenedattheauction,Ijustcan't.AndthefactthatSir'ssecretidentitymightnotbe
such a secret anymore...that God has somehow thought it right to intertwine our lives, no matter how
subtly,Ijustcan'tdropit.Thingsdon'tjusthappenbycoincidence.
ButIhavenoideahowtogetclosetohim,andIknowit'sabadideaanyway.There'sstillthis
tiny voice in the back of my mind saying that Vash and Sir aren't the same man, that I'm so hopeful to
relivetheexperiencethatI'mtryingtoshoveVashintohisshoes.SoIspendhourspouringoverallofthe
detailsthatIrememberaboutSir'sfaceandvoiceandbody.Itrytoconvincemyselfthatalotofmenhave
thesamefeatures.ButnomatterhowmuchItellmyselfIwaswrong,allofthepiecesfit,andIknowI
won'tbecontentuntilIseehimagain—untilIsolvethismystery.
I've never gotten dressed up to visit my mom at work before, but I do today. I want to be the
pictureofperfectionwhenVashlayshiseyesonme.IdollmyselfuplikeI'mgoingouttoanexpensive
dinner, slipping into a yellow dress with a sweetheart neckline lined with rhinestones. I pair the dress
withcreamcoloredstrappyheelsandpaintmyfaceinnudetoneswithjustaswipeofcoloronmylips.I
brushmyhairoveroneshouldersothatmycurlscascadedownthefrontofthedress,thenItakealookat
myselfinthefull-lengthmirrorinmybedroom.
Ilooksophisticatedandwealthyandmature.MorelikethekindofwomanthatVashwouldgofor
thanalittlegirljustoutofhighschool.Ifnothingelse,theoutfitwillgethisattention.
Idon'treallyhavemuchofagameplanotherthantoarriveafewminutesbeforetheofficecloses.
Idosweartomyself,though,thatifVashhasleftearlyfortheday,I'lltakeitasasignfromGodthatthis
iswrongandI'llstoppursuingtheideaofhimbeingSir.I'llknowthatDavidistherightchoiceforme,
andI'llresignmyselftobeingexclusivetohimandtryingtofindhappinessintherelationship.
MyheartpoundsasIpullintothedrivewayoftheirpractice.Theparkinglotisdottedwithcars
belongingmostlytothestaff.Iseemymom'sMercedes.Silently,Icursemyselffornotmemorizingwhat
Vashdrives.IfIhadtotakeaguess,though,it'sprobablytheonlysportscarinthelot.God,Ihopeitis,
becauseifhe'snothere,I'mgoingtobeadmittedlydisappointed.
WhenIgoinside,there'sstillonepatientinthewaitingarea.IwalkstraighttothebacklikeIown
theplace,notevencheckinginwiththereceptionist.Oneofthenurse'striestostopme,havingneverseen
me before, but as soon as I explain that I'm Eula Stark's daughter, she lets me through with a look of
apprehension.
Istopatmymother'sofficefirst.She'snottherewhichmeansshe'sprobablybackwithapatient.
Foramoment,Ithinkaboutwaitingforher.IfIdo,myopportunitytoseeVashcouldbemissed.It'snot
uncommonformymothertoworklate,andIdon'tknowifVashsharesherworkethic.
Decidingtobeballsy,Itakeadeepbreathandcontinueontotheonlyotherofficeinthebuilding,
the one that I know belongs to Vash. When I first lay eyes on him, my breath is stolen away by how
handsome he looks. He's focused on some paperwork on his desk, scribbling away with an expensive-
lookingpeninhishand.
Ibitemybottomlip,wonderingifit'sokaytobotherhimbeforeIknockonthedoorafewtimes.
Whenhelooksup,heseemssurprisedtoseemestandingthere.Butthenhesetsthependownandsmiles.
“Aubrey.Areyoulookingforyourmother?Ithinkshe'sstillwithapatient.”Heleansbackinhis
cushyofficechair.
Thoseeyes.I'mnotmistaken.Ithastobehim.
“Iknow.”Iclaspmyhandsinfrontofmeshyly.“IhopeI'mnotbotheringyou.Iwasjust...bored
waitingforher.”
“You're not bothering me at all. Have a seat.” He gestures to the chair on the other side of his
desk,usingavoicethatIimaginecountlesspatientshaveheard,thekindthatgivesanorderinthemost
politeofways.
I lower myself onto the chair before crossing my legs and smoothing my skirt down over my
thighs.Mykneesarepeekingoutfrombeneath.Iwishthechairwereabitfurtherbacksothathecould
seethem,sothathecouldbetemptedbymybareflesh.Ican'tbelievethatIactuallywanttoseducehim.
Thethoughtissodeviousyetexcitingatthesametime.
“Howareyouenjoyingyoursummer?”Vashfoldshishandsinhislap.Hiseyesarefixedonmy
face.Theyseemtoneverwaver.Hedoesagoodjobatregardingmeasifnothinginappropriatehasever
happenedbetweenus.Justbeinginhispresencemakesheatcrawlupmyface.
“It'sfine.”Inodsheepishly.“Hotasthedickens,butfine.”
“Hotasthedickens,huh?”Helaughs,andIcringeinternallyathowchildishthatsounded.Both
myfatherandmygrandparentspolicedmylanguageheavily,soInevergotatasteforcursing,thoughone
ortwounsavorywordsdoslipoutonoccasionwhenI'moverwhelmedbyemotion.
“It'shot.”Ifanmyself,myvoicemoreclippedthanIhadintended.
“Itishot.”Helickshislipsandnods.It'saninnocentgesture,butitdrawsmyattentionrighttohis
mouthandmakesmewonderwhatitwouldbeliketokisshim.IthinkIhaveanidea,butIstillwantto
experienceit.
“Sometimes, I wish we had a pool,” I say absentmindedly, desperately trying to make
conversation.
“There you are.” My mom flies around the corner, and I scowl internally at the interruption.
“Kaitlintoldmeyouhadcomein.Ifiguredyou'dbewaitinginmyoffice.”Shethumbsbacktowardsher
office.
“Shegotbored.”Vashlookspastme,hiseyesflashingwithamusement.
“Isshebotheringyou?I'msosorry.”Mymothercowersslightly,makingmefeelguilty—likeI'm
justonebiginconveniencetothebothofthem.
“Notatall.Iwasjustsigningsomeorders.”Vashpicksupthepaperworkhewasscribblingon
earlierandplacesitinabasketonhisdesk.
“Wewerejusttalkingabouthowhotthissummerhasbeensofar,”Itellmymothersweetly,trying
nottoseemsuspicious.
“Well,Ihaveapoolatmyplaceifyoueverwanttogoswimming.”
TheinvitationimmediatelydrawsmyattentionbacktoVash,andIsay,“Yes,”soquicklythatthey
bothturntome.“Imean,Iwouldlovethat,”Istutter.“CanIcomeoverthisweekend?”
“AubreyStark,whathasgottenintoyou?”Mymothergivesmeadisapprovinglook.
“There'snothingwrongwithit.Iinvitedher.”Vashsmirksatme.
“Sorry.Wasthatrudeofme?”Idrawmyhanduptomylips,playinginnocent.
“Notatall.”
“Vashisabusyman.I'msurehealreadyhasplansthisweekend.”Momflanksmyside,placing
herhandonmyshoulder.
Iwishshewouldjustdisappear.She'sbeingsuchadarncockblock.Besides,thisisnobusinessof
hersanyway.Heinvitedme.Ihavetherighttoacceptordecline.
“I'mnotbusyatall.Thisweekendwouldbefine,”Vashreplies.
“Oh.”Mymom'sheadjutsback.Iwonderifshe'sstartingtoreadbetweenthelines—linesthatI'm
probablymakingup.Ifeelstrangelydelusional,comingupwithvariousreasonswhyhewouldinviteme.
Morethanlikely,hewasjustbeingfriendly,butIcan'thelpbuthopehewantstogetmealone.
“Well,Iguesswe'llbeseeingyouthisweekend,then,”mymomchirps.
We?Waitaminute.Whatpartofthatinvitationincludedher?
“HowaboutSaturday,then?Around5PM?Icangrillsomeburgersorsomething.Bythetimewe
finisheating,thesunwillbesettingsowewon'thavetoworryaboutgettingsunburnedasmuch.”Vash
lookspastmetomymother,andit'slikesuddenlyIstopexisting.
“Saturday at 5 PM sounds great.” My mother shifts her weight. I can tell by her expression that
she's looking at this as an opportunity to spend more time with him. This was supposed to be my
opportunity,Ithinkbitterly.Therewasnopartoftheequationthatincludedher.
“Alright.ThenI'llseeyoubothonSaturday.”Vashstandsandtakeshisstethoscopeoff,placingit
ontopofhisdesk.It'stheonlyindicationthathe'sadoctor.Nowadays,mostdoctorsdon'thavemuchofa
dress code. He looks casual in jeans and a polo. My mom looks more professional in a pair of black
slacksandacream-coloredblouse.“Shallwegetoutofhere.”Hegesturestowardsthedoor.
Momscrewsherface.“Ican't,Ihaveonemorepatient.”
“Youbettergettoitthen.”
“Areyougoingtowaitforme?”Mymomtapsmeontheshouldertogetmyattention.
I desperately want Vash to offer to walk me out. I did say that I came to see my mother though.
“Nah.IjustwantedtodropbysinceIwasinthearea.I'llseeyouathome.”
“Youlooknice.”Shetracesoneoftherhinestonesonmydresswithherfingertip.“Didyoujust
comefromadatewithDavid?”
I think I visibly cringe. Good grief, of all the things she could bring up. The last thing I need is
VashthinkingthatI'minarelationship.
“No.We'renotquitethereyet,”Isay,hopingitwillsuffice.
“Yousurearedressedup.”Sheassessesmyoutfit.
Istand,wantingtogetoutofthereasquicklyaspossible.Ihavenoexcuseforbeingdressedtothe
ninesotherthantoimpressVash.ThatwillbecomeobvioustoherifIdon'tcomeupwithabetterreason
quickly.
“Ifeltlikelookingprettytoday.”Ishrug,realizinghowlameandunconvincingthatsounds.
“Youalwayslookpretty.”Shestrokesmyhair.
Whywon'tshejustleave?Didn'tshejustsayshestillhasapatient?
“Thanks,”Ireplydryly.
“Icanseeherout,”Vashoffersfinally,andmyheartfluttersatthethoughtofgettingmorealone
timewithhim,nomatterhowbrief.
“Wouldyou?”Mymombeamsathim.
“I'monmywayoutanyway.”Hepointstothedoor.
“Alright.I'llseeyouwhenIgethome,sweetie.”Shebendstokissmeonthecheekbeforetaking
herleave.
Iinhale deeply onceshe's gone, wishingshe hadn't spilled thebeans about Davidto Vash. If he
wasdisinterestedinmebefore,he'lldefinitelybemoresonow.
“Shall we.” He continues to gesture towards the door, prompting me to stand and take quick
stridesoutofhisoffice.
“Sorry,”Iapologizeforslowinghimdown.
Onceoutthedoor,helockshisofficebeforewecontinuetowardstheparkinglot.Thereareno
wordssharedbetweenus,butIcanfeelhispresencelikesomeoverbearingthing.Knowingthathe'sso
closetomehasmybodyfeelingstrangelysensitive.Imagesofuscoupledtogetherflashthroughmymind,
butIdomybesttoholdthemback,wantingtofocusonthistimethatwehavetogether.
“ThanksforinvitingusoveronSaturday.”Iturntohimoncewe'reoutofthebuilding.
“Noproblem.”Helooksateverythingbutme.“Haveagoodrestofyourafternoon.I'llseeyouon
Saturday.”
“SeeyouonSaturday.”Iwavetohimbeforehehasachancetowalkawayandthenimmediately
feelstupidforit.Again,that'ssomethingteenagemewouldhavedone.Adultmeshouldn'tbeactingso
childish...orobvious.
Isighinternally,myeyeslingeringonhisbacksideforafewmomentsbeforeImakemywaytomy
car. I chastise myself the entire way there, not letting up until I see his red sports car pull out of the
parkinglot.ThenImeltintoapuddleofcontentedness,asmugsmiletakingovermyface.
MymommightbeacockblockonSaturday,butIsupposeitwon'tmattermuch.I'mgoingtogetmy
answer to the question of whether or not Vash and Sir are the same man. If we're going swimming
together,thatmeanshe'llhavehisshirtoff.Ifhehashisshirtoff,I'llbeabletoseeifhehasanytattoos.
Andifhehasthesameguntattoosonhiships,I'llknowforcertain.AndonceIknowforcertain....
***
Dayshaveneverpassedmoreslowly.Andwhatmakesitextratorturousisthefactthatmymother
seemsmoreexcitedthanIam.It'sunpleasanttothinkthatwe'rebothafterthesameman.Inwhatuniverse
doesthiseverhappen?Itjustdoesn'tseemfair.
Ifsheonlyknew...
For her sake, if Vash isn't Sir, I'll let him go. There's no point in causing unnecessary drama.
Besides, I have David. He may be my fallback plan, but he's more than my mother has right now. She
hasn'tevenhadmuchofaninterestindatingsincemyfatherdied.Well,Itakethatback.Shewentthrough
astinttheyearafterhediedwhereshedatedrelentlesslytofillthevoidthathispassingawayhadleft,but
once that phase ended, she pretty much went into dating remission. This is the first time I've seen her
interestedinanymaninthepastthreeyears.Itwouldbeselfishofmetodenyherpursuinghim.
ThatisIFhe'snotmySir.Becauseifheis,I'mgoingtofighttoothandnailtomakehimmine.I
couldnotcarelessthatI'llbecompetingagainstmymother,abeautiful,professional,confidentwoman
farmoreinhisleaguethanIcouldeverhopetobe.Shedoesn'tknowwhatshe'dbemissingbynothaving
him.Ido.Itwillbegameon.
Assickasitistosay,Iactuallyenjoyspendingtimewithmymomasweprepareforthedayto
come.Onedayafterwork,shetakesmeouttobuyusbothnewswimsuits.Wetaketurnssteppingoutof
thedressingroom,critiquingeachother'schoicesuntilwe'vebothfoundtheperfectswimsuits.There'sa
cruel part of me that wants to direct her to something unflattering, but she deserves to be happy just as
muchasIdo,soItrymybesttobehonest.Intheend,Ipickoutawhitebikiniwithfringeonthebustline.
Mymomsettlesonamuchmoremodestracerbackone-piecewithalightbluebeachgraphicprintedon
thefront.Itmakesherlookyoungandhip,thoughnotsoyoungthatsheseemsoutofplacewearingit.
“YoushouldinviteDavid,”shetellsmewhenweclimbintohercarwithourloot.“Itcouldbe
likeadoubledate.”
Thethoughtthatshe'slookingatthislikeit'sadateforthemmakesmecringe.Youdon'thavehim
yet.Youwon'thavehimifhe'sSir.I'llmakesureofthat.OrifheisSirandyousomehowmanageto
winhisheart,I'llmovesofarawaythatneitherofyoueverseemeagain.
It's a bratty thing to think, but I can't help it. There's a competitive side of me coming out that I
neverevenknewwasthere.AndthethoughtofmymotherbeingwithSirafterI'vehadhimdisturbsmeto
theverydepthsofmysoul.
“Vashdoesn'tknowDavid,”Iremindher.“Itwouldbeinappropriatetoinvitehim.”
“Idon'tthinkso,”shesaysthoughtfully.
I don't respond, and the subject gets dropped. Mom gushes about Vash all the way home, and I
spendthattimecomparingus,wonderingwhyhewouldgoformewhenhecanhavesomeonelikeher.
Thankfully,thedepressingthoughtsarefleeting.Ihavetokeepremindingmyselfthatthisgettogetheris
allaboutmefindingoutifheactuallyisSirornot.Nothingmore.Idoubtthatmuchromancecantranspire
between any of us in one afternoon shared together anyway, especially with a third-wheel hanging
around.
Davidkeepstextingmewantingtomeetup,butIdodgehimlikeabullet.WhileIfeelguiltyfor
sleepingwithhim,especiallysinceIhaven'tevenbotheredsharingthatinformationwithmymotheryet,
I'd feel even guiltier if I continued to lead him on when there's the slightest possibility that I might be
interestedinsomeoneelse.
Finally, Saturday rolls around with a plethora of butterflies flapping haphazardly in my stomach
everytimeIthinkofseeingVashshirtless.ImustgooverfivehundreddifferentscenariosabouthowI'll
react if he does or doesn't have the tattoos and how I'll approach him about it if he is Sir. Of course,
everythingrollssmoothlyinmyhead.I'msuaveandconfidentandeverybitthewomanheneedsinhis
life.Hopefully,Idon'tfumblewhenthetimedoescome.OrmaybeifI'mluckyitwon'tbehimandallof
thisthinkingandobsessingwillhavebeenfornothing.Whateverthecase,I'llfindoutsoonenough.
At3:30PMIstartgettingready.Iputonmybikiniandstareatmybodyinthemirrorforafew
moments, focusing on my boobs and how amazing they look in the swimsuit. Then I cover myself with
shortsandalooset-shirtbeforegoingtomyvanitytoapplyalightlayerofmakeup.Mostofitwillcome
offinthepool,butIstillwanttolookfreshwhenwegetthere.Ileavemyhairdownbutputahairtieon
mywristforwhenwegetintothepoollater.IfIdon'ttiemyhairback,itwillturnintoapuffymesswhen
itdries,oneofthedownsidesofhavingnaturallycurlyhair.
By4PM,bothMomandIarereadytogo.She'ssittingonthesofainthelivingroom,fidgeting
withherfingernailslookingjustasnervousasIfeel.
“Areyoureadyforthis?”Iaskherwithasmile.
Sheinhalesdeeply,hereyesflittinguptome.“AsreadyasI'mgoingtobe.IsitwrongthatIcan't
waittoseehimwithhisshirtoff?”
NeithercanI,Ithinkslyly.NeithercanI.
Herphonerings,andwebothjumpfromthesoundofit.Shepicksitup,frowningasshelooksat
thescreenbeforebringingittoherear.
“Hello.”Shepausesforamomenttolisten,thenconcernsetsoverherface.“Calmdownandcall
911.” Her grip tightens on the phone. “Don't try to restrain her. For now, roll her onto her side and put
something soft under her head.” She pauses again. “No. Don't stick your hand in her mouth. She won't
swallowhertongue.”Shecastsadesperatelookinmydirectionandsighs.“I'llbethereasquicklyasI
can.Textmeyouraddress.”
MyheartsinksasIrealizewhatthisprobablymeans.Icrossmyarmsovermychest,scowling.
Eventhoughit'sinsensitive,assoonasshehangsupthephoneandstandsIsay,“Youcouldhave
toldthemyou'reoffofwork.”
Mom tears her hand through her hair, though it doesn't work very well since it's in a ponytail.
“She'sbeenalong-timepatientofmine.She'salittleoldlady,andherdaughterishavingaseizure.Her
daughterispregnant.Ihavetogohelpher.”
Ideflate,immediatelyfeelingguilty,thoughIstillpressthesubject.“Won'ttheambulancereach
herbeforeyouwill.”
“IfIthoughtshewouldactuallycallanambulance,Iwouldn'tbegoing.Neitherofthemhashealth
insurance.”Momgrabsherpursefromthecoffeetableandheadsforthedoor.“Morethanlikely,she'll
needmetostaywithherforawhile.I'llcallVashandcancel.Wecangoswimmingwithhimsomeother
weekend.He'llunderstand.”
Mymouthfallsagape,butIquicklytrytorecover,followinghertothedoor.“Can'tIgowithout
you?”
Shestops,givingmealookthatbordersonangry.“No.Youmostcertainlycannot.”
“Butheinvitedme.”Ipoutlikeaspoiledchild.
“Absolutelybynomeansshouldyoubegoingtohisplacewithoutme.”Sheputsherfootdown.
“Nowstayhere.I'lltakeyououttodinnerwhenIgetbacktomakeupforthis.”Andthenshe'sgone.
Islamthedoorbehindher,screamingmyexasperationatthesituation.Iwassofuckingcloseto
findingoutifVashisreallySir.Allofthatgotruinedbecauseof...
Calmdown,Aubrey.Apregnantwomanhavingaseizureisfarmoreimportantthanyouchasing
someguyyouprobablycan'tevenhave.Stopbeingselfish.Yourmomisjustbeingagooddoctor.
NomatterhowmuchIthinkit,though,Ican'thelpbutfeelscrewedoutoftheonlyopportunitythat
I'llhavetoseeifVashisreallySir.AndevenifI'mnot,Idon'twanttohavetowaitanotherweek.The
anticipationofknowinghasalmostbeenenoughtokillme.
Itossmyselfacrossthesofaandgroanintomyarms.Aftersulkingabit,Iliftmyhead,myeyes
flittingtotheclock.Iwatchitlikeanobsessedlunatic,hopingthatmymomwillreturnandthedaywill
besaved.Once4:50PMrollsaround,Iknowthat'snotgoingtohappen.Myphonehasbeendepressingly
silent.Ihaven'tevenreceivedatextfromhertellingmethatshe'sonherwayback.Myeveningisruined.
I bite my bottom lip, feeling like I'm crawling up the walls inside myself. I couldn't be more
unhappy if I tried. I glance around the room, looking for something to break. Then my eyes land on my
mom'scomputer,andIgetanidea.
I fly from the sofa into the computer chair and turn on the monitor. As quickly as possible, my
fingersgettoworktypinginherpasswordtounlockhercomputer.ThenIscrolltothefileshekeepswith
allofhercontactsincasesheeverlostherphone.IholdmybreathasIdoubleclicktheicontoopenit.I
don'thavetoscrolldownfarbeforeIreachtheB's.
Bingo.
My heart thuds in my chest as I act without thinking, tapping Vash's number into my phone. He
picksuponthesecondring,soundinglikeheexpectsittobeatelemarketer.
“Hi.DoctorBlack,it'sAubrey,Eula'sdaughter.”Itwirlastrandofhairaroundmyfinger,feeling
farmorenervoustobetalkingtohimthanIeverthoughtIcould.
“Oh,hiAubrey,”hisvoiceisfullofsurprise.“Iseverythingokaywithyourmom?Shecalledmea
littlewhileagotocancel.”
“Yeah.She'sfine.”Ishiftmyweight.Myconscienceburns,knowingthatwhatI'mabouttodois
sowrong.“IwaswonderingifIcouldstillcomeover.”
Hepauses,andforamomentIthinkhe'sgoingtosayno.“Sure,”hereplieshesitantly.“Didyour
motherfinishwithherpatient?”
Darn.Whydoeshecaresomuchabouther?It'smeheshouldwanttosee.
“No.Itwouldjustbeme,”Isay,nowexpectingrejection.
“Well...alright.”
“Great!”Iperkup.“I'llbethereinfifteen.”Ihangupbeforehehasachancetochangehismind.
Withinseconds,mykeysareinmyhand,andI'mheadingoutthedoor.I'minsuchahurrythatIdon'teven
bothergrabbingatowel,wantingtogettherebeforesomethingbadhappens,likemymomcominghome.
Vashlivesinthewealthypartoftown.Hishouseisimpressive,thoughnotoneofthelargestinhis
neighborhood.Thefrontismostlybrick,andtheyardishalfxeriscaped.Iparkinhisdrivewayandtake
the steps two at a time to get to the front door. I turn my phone off before pressing the doorbell, not
wantingtobedisturbedbymymother.IhadthoughttoleaveheranotethatIwasgoingtoDavid'splace
beforeIleft,butshewouldfindoutthatwasalieassoonasshereturnedtoworkonMonday.I'mgoingto
get in deep trouble for this, so hopefully it will be worth it. If Vash were anyone else other than my
mother'scurrentloveinterest,itwouldn'tmatter.Asitis,she'sgoingtowonderwhyIwentoutofmyway
toseehimalone.Ihaven'tcomeupwithanexcuseyet,buthopefully,IwillbythetimeIleavelater.
Icanhearthechimeofthedoorbellresonatingthroughoutthehouse.Iadjustmypursestraponmy
shoulder as I wait for him to answer, trying to steady myself. As it is, I can barely stay still, I'm so
nervous.
Afterafewseconds,Ihearfootstepscoming.Iplasteronmybestsmileasthedoorstartstoopen.
IlockeyeswithVashonlysecondsbeforeIrealizethathe'salreadyshirtless.Thenmyeyesblatantlytrail
downhisbody,landingonthetwoguntattoospeekingoutofhisswimtrunksthatarepointingstraightto
hisdick.
CHAPTEREIGHT
VASH
A mix of relief and disappointment passed through me when Eula called to tell me that she and
Aubreywouldn'tbecomingswimmingafterall.Thethoughtofdealingwithbothofthemmademeuneasy.
It'slikeafuckeduplovetrianglemadeevenmoresickeningbythefactthatthey'rerelated.Eulawantsto
fuckme.Iwanttofuckherdaughter.AndAubrey...Iscowl.Aubreyhasafuckingboyfriend.WhoamI
kidding,she'snotinterestedinme.
Atleast,that'swhatIthoughtuntilIgotthesecondphonecall.Thelittlevixendecidedshewanted
to come over alone. That made my cock instantly stiffen. The thought of seeing her in a bathing suit...
WouldIreallybeabletohandlethat?
BetweenthetimewhenIthoughttheyweren'tcomingoverandthetimethatAubreycalledme,I
hadmadepeacewiththeideaofspendingmySaturdaynightalone.Thegrillwasalreadyfiredup,soI
figuredImightaswellmakemyselfaburger.ThenIcouldtakeadipinthepool,popopenabeer,and
watchamovieortwo.ItwouldbeaboringnightcomparedtowhatI'musedto,butboringisgoingto
becomethenorm,soIbetterfuckinggetusedtoit.
Butthatallchangedwithaphonecall,andnowI'mnervousagain,wonderinghowI'mgoingtoget
throughthenightwithoutputtingmyhandsonAubrey.Hopefully,thethoughtthatshehasaboyfriendwill
keepmeatbay.Besides,Icouldn'tgothereevenifIwantedto.I'minbusinesswithhermother.IfEula
foundoutIwasfuckingherdaughter—thatIhadfuckedherdaughterinthepast—itwouldrainallkinds
ofchaosdownontomylife.I'vebeenworkingongettingmyshittogether.Idefinitelydon'tneedthat.
Knowingthatmytattooswouldbeadeadgiveaway,Imadedamnsuretowearashirt.Something
tight so that it hopefully won't ride up in the water and black so that it won't be see-through. I knew it
wouldbeweirdformetowearashirtinthepool,especiallywhenI'mnotashamedofmybody,butIhad
toprotectusbothfromherfindingoutmysecret,andI'ddowhateverIcouldtokeepthatfromhappening,
nomatterhowmanybullshitliesI'dhavetocomeupwithtoexplainmyself.
ButthesecondIfoundouttheyweren'tcoming,allmodestywentoutthewindow.Cookingunder
the hot sun in a black shirt made me sweat like a pig, so the shirt came off. When Aubrey called me, I
figuredI'dremembertoputitbackonwhenshearrived.Buttheringingofthedoorbellseemedtoerase
mymemoryandlogicasIbegantofantasizeaboutwhathertightlittlebodywouldlooklikeinabathing
suit, and I rushed to the door like an idiot, abandoning all sense and self-awareness. It wasn't until I
openedthedoorandhereyesstartedtrailingdownmynakedchestthatIrealizedmymistake.
Nowit'stoofuckinglatetotakeitback.Sheseesmytattoos.Maybesheknows.Hopefully,she
canjustkeephermouthshutaboutthisanditdoesn'thavetobeawkward.
“Welcome to my home.” I step away from the door to let her in, quickly trying to divert her
attention.“ShallIgiveyouthegrandtour?”
“Thatwouldbenice.”Shecrossesthethreshold,pausingtolookaround.
I take in the ensemble she's wearing, the athletic shorts and the baggy shirt. She's like a present
waitingtobeunwrapped.Myfingersitchtobealloverher,butIknowIhavetocontrolmyself.Wehave
toretainaplatonicrelationship.Therecanneverbeanythingbetweenusmorethantherehasbeen.
Ileadherfromroomtoroom,watchingherexpression.IfshewereagirlthatIhadpickedupfrom
a bar, she'd be wildly impressed. As it is, I'm sure that her home is just as nice as mine. I doubt that
DoctorEulaStarklivesinahovel.Sheandherdaughterprobablywantfornothing.
“It'sashamethatyourmothercouldn'tmakeit,”Itellherasshefollowsmeintothebackyard.
“Yeah.I'msureyouknowhowitis,beingadoctor.”Sheshrugsitoff,takingaseatononeofthe
loungechairsbythepool.
“Ican'tsaythatI'veevermadeahousecall.”Iturnmyattentiontothegrill.
“Notthatclosetoyourpatients?”sheasksabsentmindedly.
“I know better than to give them my personal phone number.” I smirk at her over my shoulder.
Separatingbusinessfrommypersonallifehasalwaysbeenabigdealtome.WhileIlovewhatIdofora
living,Idon'twanttobeforevertetheredtomypractice.I'mnotthatkindofdoctor.Maybethatmakes
Eulabetterthanmeinsomeregards,butIdon'treallycare.
“Iwishmymomknewthat.”Shesighs.
“Howdoyoulikeyourburger?”
Shedoesn'trespond.WhenIturnbacktolookather,there'sawickedglimmerinhereyes,though
itonlylastsforafractionofasecond.“Raw,”shetellsmebeforepullingoffhershirt.
I about choke on my own breath as I see her in her swimsuit. She's so sinfully beautiful. The
stringsofherbikiniarestrainingtokeepheramplebreastsheldup.Thefringeofhertophangsdownher
bodyandstopsjustabovehernavel.Herstomachissmoothandflatandtan,asifshe'salreadyspenta
good part of the summer out in the sun. Her hair falls over her shoulders in golden ringlets. She looks
everybitlikeaswimsuitmodel,andI'mthankingGodthatI'mfacingawayfromherbecauseIcanalready
feelmycocktwitchingcrudely.
Getaholdofyourself.Shehasaboyfriend,Irepeatinmyheadlikeamantra.Partofmedoesn't
fuckingcare,though.Ifshegivesmehalfachance,I'llfucktheshitoutofher.
Youcan't.She'sthedaughterofyourbusinesspartner,remember?
Fuck!
Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.God,whydidIeveragreetothis?
IkeepmybacktoherwhileIcook.Myfocusturnstojustgettingthroughtheafternoon.IfIwere
smart,Iwouldhavetoldhernowhensheaskedifshecouldcomeoveralone.Ihadthoughtaboutitfora
fractionofasecond,butmyselfishdesiretoseeheragainhadwonmeover.Nowhereweare,andit's
abso-fucking-lutelytorturousforme.Attheveryleast,Ishouldhavejerkedoffbeforeshearrived,butI
didn'teventhinkthatfarahead.NowI'mjustgoingtohavetosufferthroughthis.Sufferandtrytokeepmy
handstomyselfandpraytoGodshedoesn'tseethatIgetahard-oneverytimeIsomuchasglanceinher
generaldirection.
Iserveherherburger,andweeattogetherinnearsilence.Itrymybesttolookateverythingbut
her.Istruggletothinkofatopicofconversation,butmostofwhatIcomeupwithinvolvestheguyshe's
supposedlydating,whichjustpissesmeoff.Intruth,Idon'tknowmuchabouther.Iwanttoknowmore,
butI'mnotsurewheretoevenstart.
“So,whatmadeyouwanttobecomeadoctor?”sheasks.
“Money,”Ireplybluntly.“Andhelpingpeoplemakesmefeellikemylifehasmeaning.Whatmade
youwanttobeatheaterartsmajor?”
“Mymomtoldyouthat...”hervoicesoundssmallandalmostembarrassed.
“Yeah.”
Sheflipsherhairbackoverhershoulder.“I'msurprisedshetalksaboutmeatall,tobehonest.
Sometimes,Ithinkshe'dprefertoforgetthatIexist.”
Whoa.Wheredidthatcomefrom?
“Whatmakesyousaythat?”
“Nothing.” She shakes her head, and we fall back into silence for several seconds before she
speaksagain.“I'vealwayswantedtobeanactress.Butnotthebigscreen.Broadway.”
“WhyBroadway?”Iaskbeforetakingabiteofmyburger.
“BecauseIlikethethrillofactinginfrontofpeople.Idon'tthinkyougetthatbeingamovieactor,
seeingtheirfacesreacttoyouwhileyouperform.Knowingthatyou'remakingthemfeelsucharangeof
emotions,andwhatyou'redoingisn'tevenreal.Itgivesmearush.”
Ismileatherandnod.Thepassionofherdreamsshinesthroughinhereyes.Iwanttomakethose
dreamsarealityforher.Hopefully,themoneyshegotfromtheauctionwillhelp.
“Momthinksit'sapointlessambition.”Shekicksatthefloor,herlipsdippingintoafrown.
“Itwillbeachallenginggoaltofulfill.”IwanttosuckthewordsbackinalmostassoonasI've
saidthem,realizingthatIprobablysoundlikehermother.
“Challenging,butnotimpossible,”shesayswithalookofdetermination.“Ithinkthatifyouwork
hardforsomething,youappreciateitevenmoreonceyou'vereachedyourgoal.”
“Isupposethat'strue.”Igrinather.
Wefinishourfood,andItakeourplatesinsidetothekitchen.BythetimeIreturn,she'stakenoff
hershortsandisstandingattheedgeofthepool,readytodivein.Iwatchherforamoment,admiringher
backside before she leaps in with more grace that I had imagined she would. Maybe Eula got her
swimminglessonswhenshewasyounger.ThinkingabouthermotherremindsmethatIhavenofucking
businessstaringatherlikealecher.
Isightomyselfbeforeroundingthepooltotakethesteps.Aubreyfollowsme,wearingastunning
smileallthewhile.“Youshouldjumpin.”
“I'm good with the stairs.” I don't even look at her as I reach my destination, making a quick
descentintothewater.
I see her more girlish side once we're both in the pool. I start to swim laps, and she makes a
competition out of it. Before I know it, we're both breathless and laughing. She keeps getting
uncomfortably close to me, and every time she invades my personal space, I back up to put distance
betweenus.I'mnotsureifshe'sawareofhowcloseshe'sgetting.Idamnsuredon'twanthertobeaware
oftheeffectithasonme.
WeraceacrossthepoolafewmoretimesbeforeIsettleatthedeependtoleanagainstthewall.
Sherestsbesideme,panting,herbodysoclosetominethatourshouldersaretouching.Whenshelooks
overatme,there'sastrangeseriousnessinhereyesthattakesmeaback.Iswallowhard,feelingmypulse
inmyearsandbetweenmylegs.Myglanskeepsscrapingagainstthepoolwall,soIswimovertowhere
myfeetcantouchthegroundandpressmybackagainstthewallinstead,tryingtocatchabreakbeforeour
nextracebegins.Aubreyfollows,stoppinginfrontofme.Hergazefallstothewater,andIprayshecan't
seemyhard-on.Shestepsupbesidemeagain,keepingdangerouslyclose.Igroaninternally,wonderingif
Ishouldgomasturbatetoalleviatesomeofmyhorniness.She'sdefinitelynotmakingthiseasyonme.
“Wedon'thavetokeeppretending,youknow,”shesays.
Igiveheraqueerlook.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
Sheturnstofaceme,placingahandonmyshouldertostandontiptoeandwhisperinmyear.The
simplecontactsendsallofmybloodstraighttomycock.“Iknowyoursecret.”
Mybodyheatsupbyabouttwentydegreesasthewordscomeoutofhermouth.Iinstantlytense,
readyingmyselftoplaythegameofdenial.“Whatsecret?”Itiltmyheadawayfromherslightly.
“Iremember...these.”Shestrokesmyhip,andIalmostshootofflikeateenageboy.Imoveaway
from her so quickly that I lose my balance and fall over. Thankfully, it distracts me enough to keep my
loadinmyballs.
“Whoa.You'regettingclose,”IsayasItrytorecover.
Shecrossesherarmsoverherchest,theseductiveexpressionshewaswearingonlymomentsago
nowfadedintoannoyanceandwhatappearstobeabitofanger.“Youdon'tneedtoplaycoy.Iknowit
wasyouattheauction.Sameeyes.Samevoice.Samehair.Sametattoos.Youcan'tdenyit.I'mnotstupid,
youknow.”
Isubmit,knowingthatthere'snowayaroundhavingthisconversation.“Soyouknow.Whatofit?”
Itrytosoundascoldaspossible.
“Whatofit?”sheparrots,hervoicesuddenlysmall.“Well...Iwasjusthoping...”
“That what? That we could be together? That's not fucking happening, Aubrey. I'm business
partnerswithyourmother.”
Shecowers.“Youdon'thavetobesomeanaboutit.”
Instantly, I feel guilty. My need to comfort her is overwhelming, but I dare not touch her. “I'm
sorry.”Itearmyhandsthroughmyhair,feelingthefullstressofthesituation.“Ididn'tmeanitlikethat.I
didn'tmean...”
“Didn't mean what?” She looks up at me curiously. The innocence in her expression makes me
wanttograbherandpullhertome,tocrushourbodiestogetherandkissheruntilshehasnobreathleft,
untilshecan'tmakethatfaceanymore.
“I didn't mean...that I wouldn't like that.” Oh fuck, what are you doing? Just stop already. You
shouldhavestuckwiththeassholeact.Nowyou'rejustgivingherhope.Divert.Divertalready.“Butit
doesn'tmatter.Itdoesn'tmatterbecauseIworkwithyourmotherandbecauseyouhaveaboyfriend.”
“Idon'thaveaboyfriend,”shequicklycorrectsme.
“Again.Itdoesn'tmatter.”Iraisemyhanduptostopherfromspeaking,thoughmyhearttakesa
leapofelationatthenewsthatshe'ssingle.“Wecan'tbeinvolved.”
“Whynot?”Shepouts.
Goddamn,herlipslooksokissable.Everythinginsideofmeisfightingtostayplanted.Thefact
thatsheseemslikeshewantsmeismakingitsofuckinghard.Myresolveisdrippingawaybythesecond.
Ihavetogetawayfromher.HavetoendthisbeforeIbreakdown.
Iturnfromhertogivemyselfsometemporaryrelief.“Itwouldcomplicatethings.”
“Thingsarealreadycomplicated,”sheretorts.“Youcan'ttakebackwhatwedid.AndIdon'twant
totakeitback.”
Youtorturemebycominghere.YoutorturemeinthatfuckingbikinithatIwanttoripoffofyou
likesomesex-starvedbeast.HowamIgoingtomakeitthroughthiswithoutdoingsomethingIregret?
“Idon'twanttotakeitbackeither,”Iconfesswithasigh.“Butthatdoesn'tchangethings.Itcan't
happenagain.”
Iexpecthertobegmore,butinstead,Ihearthewatersloshingbehindme.WhenIturn,shelooks
pissed,makingherwayaroundmetogetoutofthepool.Theneedtogoafterherisstrong,butIknowthat
thingsarebetterthisway.Ijustneedtolethergo.
Sheclimbsthesteps,waterdropletscascadingdownhersinfullysexybody.MychesttightensasI
realizewhatI'mlosing.There'sapullinsideofmethat'salmostpainful.Iwanttoclosemyeyesandcount
thesecondsuntilshe'sgone,butIjustcan'ttearthemawayfromher.ThisisthelasttimeI'llseeherlike
this,andforthatreason,Ineedtosavoreverymoment.
Once she reaches the top of the steps, she turns to me. She folds her arms over her chest again,
glaring down at me. “I fucked someone else, you know. Not before you.” She glances away as if she's
partiallyashamedofit.“After.Ifuckedsomeoneelsetogetthefeelofyouoffofme.”
Herwordsarelikeknivescuttingintome.Unmeritedjealousyflaresupinsideofme.IfIdidn't
likethatDavidkidbeforeforbeingsoclosetoher,Iabsolutelyloathehimnow.Imightevenbreakhis
neckifhewerestandinginfrontofme.
Aubrey'shandstrembleslightly.Tearslinehereyes,andsheseemstobetryinghardtokeepthem
fromspillingover.It'sprobablywhyshe'snotlookingatmeanymore.
“I think I hate you,” she whispers. “I think I hate you because you ruined me for other men.
BecausewhenIwaswithhim,allthatIwantedwasyou.AndwhenIsawyouatthatrestaurantwithmy
mother,Ithoughtthat...”Shethrowsherhandsup,seeminglyembarrassedbywhatshewasgoingtosay.
“Youthoughtwhat?”Ipress.
“Idon'tknow.”Shewipesherfaceonherarm.“IthoughtthatGodwasbringingusbacktogether
forareason.”
“AreyoureallygoingtobringGodintothis?”Igiveherasarcasticlook.
Hereyesmeetminewithalloftheloathingsheclaimedtofeelformeonlymomentsago.“You
knowwhat?Fuckyou!”sheyellsatmebeforestompingaway.
Mylegsmovedespiteallofthewarningsfrommycommonsense.Icutheroff,liftingmyselfout
ofthepoolsothatIcanblockherpath.WhenIenvelopeAubreyinmyarms,shestrugglestopullaway
fromme.Itonlytakesheramomenttorealizethatherstrengthisoutmatched.Thenshefallsintoafitof
sobs,leaningintomychest.
MyheartbreaksasIstrokeherwethair,thinkingofallofthepainIcausedher.She'stooyoung
andsweettohavetofeellikethisbecauseofsomeassholelikeme.Andit'snotthatIdon'twanttobe
withher.Ijustcan't.NomatterwhichwayIplacethepiecesofusbeingtogether,Ilosethegame.
CHAPTERNINE
AUBREY
Hismouthsaysonethingbuthisbodysaysanother.Evenwhilehe'stryingtocomfortme,Ifeelhis
cockpressedagainstmystomach.He'srockhard,andjustknowingthatmakesmewet,andnotintheI've-
just-been-in-a-poolway.
IclingtoVashlikeIneverwanthimtoletmego,becauseIdon't.Whycan'twejuststaylikethis
forever,withhispowerfularmsaroundme?Ifeellikethesecondhepullsaway,I'lllosehimforever,and
thatthoughtisjustunbearable.
Allthingsmustcometoanendthough.Heplaceshishandsonmyshouldersandstepsbackfrom
me,lookingmeover.
“Areyoualright?”heasks.
“No,I'mnotalright.”Islaponeofhishandsawaysothathe'llstoptouchingme.Itdoestoomuch
tome.
“I'mreallysorry,Aubrey.HadIknownwewouldhaveseeneachotheragain...”hisvoicetrails
off.
“What?Youwhat?”Ilookupathim,waitingforwordsthatIknowwillhurt.Pushingforthem,
thoughIdon'tknowwhy.
Hetucksaloosestrandofhairbehindmyearandsmilessoftly.“Iwouldn'thavechangedathing.”
My heart skips a beat as we gaze into each other's eyes. My lips are slightly parted, and I'm
silentlybegginghimtokissme.We'resharingamomentrightnow.Itwouldbetheperfecttime.Buthe
ruinsitbylookingawayfromme.“Youshouldgogetchangedandheadhome.”
MyemotionsfeellikeagameofJenga.Hehadbuiltmeupsohighwiththataffectionategesture.
Thenhepulledthewrongpieceaway,andeverythingcamecrumblingdown.I'mpissedoffagainfaster
thanIknewwaspossible.
“Fine,” I blurt out before skirting around him to grab the towel that he let me borrow from the
loungechairtotowelmyselfoffbeforeheadinginsidewithmyclothestogochange.
VashstaysfrozeninplaceasIgoaboutmybusiness.IgivehimonelastdisdainfullookbeforeI
disappear inside, stomping towards the bathroom. I don't even care if I'm tracking water through his
house.Ijustneededtogetawayfromhimforafewminutestocooldown.
Onceinsidethebathroom,Istarttakingoffmyswimsuit,grumblingtomyselfallthewhile.Istare
atmyreflectioninthemirror,wonderingwhyhedoesn'twantme.Isitbecausehealreadyhadme?
No,that'sdefinitelynotit.Ithinkabouthiserectionpressedagainstmystomachasheheldme.He
still wants me. I just need to break down his walls. Even if he mocked me for saying that I think our
meetingagainwasdestiny,Iknowthat'sexactlywhatitwas.
Ileanagainstthecounterandsigh,feelingdepressionanddeterminationcyclingthroughmeone
aftertheother.I'msohurtandconfusedthatIdon'tevenknowwhatI'mdoinganymore.MaybeIshould
justgiveup,IthinkasIglanceupatmyreflectionafinaltime.
MyeyesdartovertosomethingIhadn'tnoticedbefore.There'sarobehangingonthecurtainrod
fortheshower.IbitemybottomlipasIlookatit,gettinganidea.
Am I really going to go that far to have him? And if I do, will it work or will I just end up
embarrassingmyself?There'sonlyonewaytofindout.
Itaketherobefromthehangerandslipiton,abandoningtheideaofgettingdressed.Ismileatmy
reflection as I tie the belt around my waist, imagining Vash wearing the same robe. It's light gray and
comfortable.Isniffthecollar,butitjustsmellslikecleanlaundry.I'malittledisappointed,havinghoped
itwouldsmelllikehiscologne.
Withtherobeon,Ipeekoutofthebathroom.Ididn'thearanydoorsopenorshut,soIcanonly
assume that Vash is still outside. Knowing that, I take long strides to his bedroom in case he suddenly
walksbackin.Thedoorisclosed,butIrememberhimpointingitouttomeonhistour.
MyheartthudsheavilyasIopenthedoor,knowingI'menteringhisprivatespace.There'savery
highprobabilitythathe'sgoingtobepissedwhenhefindsmeinhere.It'sachanceI'mwillingtotake,
though.IfI'mgoingtoburnthebridgebetweenus,Imightaswellblowitupalso.
Hisbedroomispristine,muchliketherestofthehouse.Everythinginsidelooksexpensive.The
furnitureisallwoodinadarkfinish,buttheaccentsareinwhiteandsilver.Isplaymyfingersacrossthe
comforteronhisbedbeforesomethingonhisdressercatchesmyeye.IgrinasIwalkovertotheobject
andpickitup,runningmyfingersoverthesmoothsurfaceoftheblackmaskthatheworeattheauction.I
havehalfamindtostealitasamemento.
MybreathcatchesasIhearthepatiodooropenandclose.Iputthemaskdownandhurriedlystep
in front of the bed. Vash calls my name, but I don't answer. I'm too busy trying to figure out if I should
crawlontothebedorkeepstandinginfrontofit.I'mnotsurewhichisbetter.Vashcallsmynameagain.
Again, I don't respond. He sounded closer this time, which makes my nerves spike. I left the bedroom
dooropensothathe'dhaveaclueastowheretofindme.Now,Ithinkthatwasabadidea.Actually,I
thinkthatthiswholethingwasabadidea.Idon'tknowwhatintheheckI'mdoing.Besides,he'sjustgoing
togetmadandkickmeout.
Panic races through me as I think about bolting for the door and returning to the bathroom. The
soundoffootstepsapproachingkeepsmefirmlyrootedinplace,though.Myheartisinmythroatbythe
timeVashroundsthecornerandseesmestandingthere.Idroptherobetomyfeet,lookingfarlesssexy
thanIhadplanned.Hefreezesinplace,simplystaringatme,thoughheoddlydoesn'tlookshocked.
Iswallowhard,mypulsepoundinginmyears.Nowisthetime.Ieitherdothis,orIrunaway.IfI
run,there'snocomingbacktothismoment.Itwillbelost.
KnowingthatI'llneverhavethischanceagain,Iforcemyselftomove,placingonefootinfrontof
theotherandstalkinguptoVashlikeacat.Ikeepmyeyeslockedonhis,fakingconfidence.Hetenses
whenIreachhimandhookmyindexfingerintothefrontofhisswimtrunks.
“You'renotgettingawayfrommethistime,”Itellhiminmymostseductivevoicebeforekneeling
infrontofhimanddragginghisswimtrunksdownwithme.
Hiscockspringsout,fullyerect.Iimpalemyselfonitbeforehehastimetostopme,andhecurses
between clenched teeth, threading his fingers through my hair so tightly that it hurts. He jerks me away
fromhim,andIwhimper,myhandgoinguptograbhiswrist.
“You'rehurtingme,”Ipracticallymewl.
WhenIgazeupintohiseyes,helooksangry.Mygoodness,isheeverhotwhenhe'sangry.
“Youdon'tknowwhatthefuckyou'redoing,”hegrowlsatme.
“Thenshowme.”Ichallengehim.
Heusesmyhairtopullmeupoffofthefloor.Forthefirsttime,fearslicesthroughmeasIrealize
he'sabouttokickmeout.Ijustmadeabigmistake.NotonlydidImakeafooloutofmyself,butIalso
tickedhimoff.He'llneverwanttoseemeagain.It'sallover.
HepullsmebackuntilI'mcradledinhisarm,thoughhedoesn'tletuponmyhair.Thewayhe's
lookingatmemakesmeshivertomycore.Iexpecthimtoyellatme,butinstead,hejamshisfreehand
betweenmylegs.Iyelpashisindexfingerslidesbetweenmypussylips,zeroinginonmyclit.Abreathy
moanleavesmeashestartstorubtortuouslybackandforth,holdingmeinplaceallthewhile.
“Isthiswhatyouwant?”hewhispersintomyear.“Isthiswhatyourbodyhasbeenyearningfor?”
He rapidly massages the pad of his finger over my clit. It feels so good that I can't even form
words.AllIcandoislookathimandwhimperfromthebiteofpaintothebackofmyheadandmoan
fromthestimulationbetweenmylegs.
“Alittlebitofpleasure.Alittlebitofpain,”hetellsmeasheloosenshisgriponmyhair.The
burningsensationsubsides,allowingmetomorethoroughlyenjoythepleasurehe'sbestowingonme.
I close my eyes, feeling my orgasm rocketing to the surface. He's so skilled with his hands. I'm
embarrassedthatI'mabouttocomesosoon,butboydoIneedit.
I wet my lips as my body starts to reach its peak. But then Vash pulls his hand away, and my
pleasurerecedes.
“Isthiswhatyouwant?Answerme.”Hegripsmychin.Icansmellmyarousalonhishand,andit
makesmeblush.
“Yes,Sir.”Idomybesttonod,needinghisfingersbackbetweenmylegs.
“Doyouwanttocome?”
“Yes,Sir.”
“Howbad?”He'senjoyingthis,andit'sonlytorturingmemore.
“Bad,”Ireplyunashamed.
“Reallybadly?”Hesmirks.
“Reallybadly.”Itrytonodagain.
“Likeinpainbad?”
“Ineedit,Sir.Ineedtocomereallybadly.Pleaseletmecome,Sir,”Ibeginavoicethatdoesn't
evensoundlikeitbelongstomeit'ssodesperate.
“Idon'tthinkyouneeditthatbadly.”Thehandthatwasgrippingmychinfindsmythroat,andhe
squeezesgently.
“Please,Sir.”Tearsprickmyeyesfrommysheerdesperation.Idon'tcareifhechokesme.Idon't
careaboutthepainofhimholdingontomyhair.Myfocusisgluedtothatonetinyspotbetweenmylegs
thatishungryforstimulation.“I'lldoanythingthatyousay,justpleaseletmecome,Sir.”
“Isthatso?”
Inod,tearsspillingdownmycheeks.
“You'resuchadirtygirl,Aubrey.Whowouldhaveeverthoughtthatthepreacher'sdaughterwould
turnoutlikethis?”histoneissadistic,butI'mlovingeverymomentofit.Everynaughtythinghesaysonly
turnsmeonmore.
“I'madirtygirl,Sir.Yourdirtygirl.Onlyforyou,”Itellhim,meaningeveryword.Fornoone
elsewouldIdothesethings.
“That'swhatIwantedtohear,”heleansovertowhisperintomyearbeforehishandgoesbackto
whereitbelongsandIsquealandsquirmslightlyashepinchesmysensitiveclit.Awickedsmirkplays
acrosshisfacebeforehepresseshiswholepalmagainstmypussyandmassagesrapidly.
I cry out as my cunt clenches and contracts. I feel drunk from everything. From Vash's fingers
twisted in my hair. From looking at his handsome face and feeling the sexual energy flowing from him.
Frommybody'sreactiontohistouch.It'smyheavenonearth—aplaceIneverwanttoleave.
“Lookatthatgreedycunt,sowetthatIcanfeelyourjuicesandmyfingersaren'teveninsideof
youyet.”VashholdshishandinfrontofmyfacesothatIcanseethesheenmyarousalhasleftbehind.
The smell is even stronger now, making my cheeks heat up from embarrassment. He trails his fingers
downmychest,makingadetourtoexploretheslopeofmybreast,givingmynippleaquickpinchbefore
continuingfurthersouth.Thesmallbitofstimulationshootslifebackintomyclit.It'slikethere'sadirect
electriccurrentbetweenmynipplesandmypussy.WhenVash'shandreachesmycuntthistime,heslips
hisfingersfurtherback,probingatmyentryway.
“Ohmy...”Imoan,feelingmybodyrevvingupforroundtwo.
Heslidesoneofhisthickdigitsinside,andIspreadmylegsabitwiderforhim.I'msowetthat
mybodygiveslittleresistance.Itfeelsamazingtohavesomepartofhiminsideofme.Anypartofhim.
Anotherfingerjoinsthefirst,causingadeliciousspreadingsensation,andIgointoafitofmoans
ashebeginsrapidlyfuckingmypussywithhishand.
“Youneedtobefilledtobehappy,don'tyou?”Hemocksme.
It'slikeI'mlookingintothefaceofthedevil.Vashisfartoohandsometobereal.Fartoogood
withhisbodytobeanormalman.Perhapsthat'swhyIbecameaddictedtohimsoquickly.Idoubtthat
anyoneelsecouldevermakemefeellikethis.
MymouthturnsintoapermanentOashepullshisfingersoutofmeandstartsmassagingmyclit
again.Withinamatterofseconds,Iclimax,cryingoutfromtheintensityofit.Assoonasthecontractions
startrollingthroughme,Vashspanksmyclithard.Thestingingseemstoextendmyorgasm,somethingI
wasn'texpecting.Iabsolutelyloveit,practicallydroolingfromtheecstasyofhisskilledhand.
“Youcomesoeasily.Iloveit.”Hesnorts.“Butnowit'smyturn.”
Iwhimperasheuseshisgriponmyhairtoleadmetothewall,practicallythrowingmeagainstit.
Icastanervousglancebackathim.Hegrabsmebymyhips,pullingthembackslightly.WhenIseehim
wraphishandaroundthebaseofhisshaftandstepupbehindme,IknowwhatI'msupposedtodo.Iplace
mypalmsagainstthewallforsupportasIfeelhisglanspressbetweenmypussylips.Awaveofeuphoria
floodsmeashepushesintome,fillingmetothehiltinonefluidmotion.
“Oh,Vash.It'ssogood,”Igroanashebeginstothrust.
Hegripsmywaistforleverage,pumpingintomefrombehind.Isoakineverysensation.Thefeel
of his helmet rolling over my G-spot with every buck of his hips. The spreading sensation of his cock
drilling into me. The sad emptiness when he pulls back. I clench my muscles, squeezing him, and he
moansinresponse.
Oneofhishandsmovestopinchandtweakmynipple,sendingelectricitytomyclitthatmakesme
worryI'llcomeathirdtime.Ifeelgreedy.Hehasn'tevenclimaxedonce,yetI'malreadyonmywayto
roundthree.Ilovehowattentivehe'sbeingthough.Thistimeseemstobemostlyaboutme.Atleast,ifI'm
gaugingthingsbythenumberoforgasmswe'vehad,itseemsthatway.HeknowsIneededthis,andhe's
givingmeexactlywhatIneeded.
Vashpicksupthepace,hishandsalternatingbetweenmyhips,mybreasts,andmyhair.Herotates
hiscockinsideofmeeveryonceinawhile,hittingallofmysweetspots.Imoanandwhimperandbask
inthefeelingofbeingwithhim.AllIcanthinkaboutishoweverythingissoright.IgotwhatIwanted.
He'sgivenin.Thishastomeanthathe'sreadytobewithmenow.EverythingthatIputmyselfthrough
wascompletelyworthit.
“Areyoureadytocomeallovermydick?”heasks.
“Mhm.”Inod,rememberingtofollowitupwith,“Yes,Sir.”
Hebeginsthrustinghard,andalmostimmediatelymyorgasmstartstobuildfromthefriction.Ican
feelhimswellinginsideofme,andIknowthathe'sabouttonut.Justthinkingaboutitdrivesmeoverthe
edge,mypussyclenchingaroundhim.Vashcurses,slammingintomesohardthatithurts,andIfeelhis
cocktwitchasitpumpsintome.Igroanheadily,pushingbackagainsthimtoswallowupallofhisseed.
“Fuck,Aubrey.JesusfuckingChrist,”hegrowls,wrappinghisarmsaroundmeandholdingmeto
himsotightlythatIthinkhe'sworriedImighttrytoescape.There'snochanceofthat.
Westaylockedtogetheruntilthethrobbingofourbodiescalms.IcanhearVashpantingforbreath
behindme,anditfillsmewithprideknowingthatI'vewornhimoutsowell.Morethanthat,thatI'vewon
himover.Hiscockbelongstomenow.Hisbodybelongstome.Andbeforelong,hisheartwillbelongto
mealso.I'llmakesureofit.Nothingcantearusapartnow.
“Shower?”Hepullsoutofme,andIfrownfromtheloss.
“Shower.”Hisseeddribblesoutofmeinagreement.
Wegothroughmuchofthesameroutineaswedidinthehotel.Oncewe'reundertheshowerhead,
hewashesmyhairandbody.Itrytobemoreproactiveaboutreturningthefavor,wantingtoexploreevery
inchofhim.Myhandsseemespeciallyobsessedwithhisdick,andIendupjerkinghimoffuntilhecomes
asecondtime.
Afterwetowelourselvesoff,heleadsthewayoutofthebathroomandgoesdirectlytohisbed,
lyingdownonhisback,staringupattheceilingandrunninghisfingersthroughhisdamphair.Helooksso
hotlyingtherenakedlikethat,allmuscleandseductivefleshandman,thatallIcanthinkaboutishopping
onhiscockagain.He'ssoftnow,butitprobablywouldn'ttakemuchtogethimupagain.
Despite my greediness to have him again, I think better of it and lie down beside him instead.
Morethanlikely,hewouldrejectmesincewe'rebothcleannow.Ormaybehewouldn't.Idon'twantto
takethechanceandenduppissinghimoff.
Vashdoesn'tsayanything—doesn'tevenlookatme.It'slikeI'vedisappearedfromtheroom.Like
I suddenly no longer exist. I can sense his regret. At least, I think that's what it is. His expression is
serious,hiseyesdistantwiththought.
Icurlupnexttohimtolethimknowthateverythingwillbealright,restingmyheadagainsthis
chestandplacingmyhandoverhisheart.Thesteadyrhythmofitissoothingtome.Doubtcreepsinwith
everysilentsecond,butit'swashedawaywhenhefinallymovestocradleme,drawingmecloser.
Idon'tknowhowlongwelietheretogether,buteventually,Iendupfallingasleep.Myeyesblink
open to darkness and the coldness of being naked and alone. I gently grope around for Vash before
realizinghe'snotthere.WhenIgetuptolookforhisrobe,Ifinditmissingaswell,soIventureintohis
closettoslipononeofhisshirts.
MyheartisfullofwarmfeelingsasIleavethebedroomtolookforVash.Ifindhimsittingonthe
sofainthelivingroomwatchingtelevision.
“Hi there.” I lean over the back of the sofa, wrapping my arms around his neck. I can feel him
tensebeneathmytouch.
“Hi.”Hebarelyglancesbackatme.
“Whattimeisit?”Ilookdownathisphonesittingonthecoffeetable,butthedisplayisdark.
“It'salittlepastnine.Yousleptforawhile.”Hekeepshiseyesfixedonthemoviehe'swatching.
I frown, partially because I know my mom is probably home and wondering where I am and
partially because Vash is acting cold towards me. With a sigh, I straighten myself, knowing that I can't
lingerhereforever.“IguessIshouldgo.”
“Yeah,”herepliesabsentmindedly.
All of the happiness that I was feeling begins to fade as I go to the guest bathroom to put my
clothesbackon.Vashdidn'tevengrinwhenhesawmewearinghisshirt.Mostguyswouldhavefound
thatsexy.Iwaskindofhopingitwouldmakehimwanttojumpme.AllIgotthoughwas...Somethingis
wrong,Irealize.Myholdonhimisn'tasgreatasIhadhoped.Perhapshethinkshemadeamistakeby
sleepingwithmeagain.Ineedtoconvincehimotherwise.
IsighasIlookatmyreflectioninthemirror,nowfullydressedintheclothesthatIcamein.Why
does he have to be so difficult? Doesn't he know it hurts me when he acts like this? He probably does
knowbutdoesn'tcare.Heprobablystilljustseesmeassomesillylittlegirlwithacrushonhim.What
willIhavetodotoprovetohimthat'snotthecase?Thisismorethanjustacrush.Iwanthim.Wanttobe
withhim.Trulywanthim.
WhenIleavethebathroom,Vashisstandingnexttothesofareadytoescortmeout.Thefactthat
heseemseagertogetridofmestrikesmyheartwithsadness.Iquicklypushitaway,though,replacingit
withdetermination.IfhethinksIwasjustsomeeasylayforhim,he'sgotanotherthingcoming.I'mnot
goingtolethimtossmeasidethateasily.
“SowhendoIgettoseeyouagain?”Iask,pausingbeforewereachthedoor.
“Youdon't.”Heplaceshishandonthesmallofmybacktokeepmemoving.Iglareathimfora
momentbutcontinuewalking.
“YouknowI'mgoingtoseeyouatyourpractice,”Itellhimasifhe'sforgottenaboutthat.
“Youshouldn'tcometheremorethannecessary,especiallyduringbusinesshours.”Heopensthe
frontdoorandlooksdownatmewithimpatienceetchedonhisfeatures.Irefusetostepoutinfearthat
he'llslamthedoorinmyface.
“Youcan'tpretendlikethisdidn'thappen.”Imeethisgaze.
“Yeah.Ikindacan.”Heplaysthepartoftheassholeagain.
“Youaregoingtoseemeagain.”Ijabmyfingerintohischest,feelingangerflareupwithinme.I
absolutely refuse to be used and discarded. This isn't the auction. He doesn't have the luxury of hiding
behindamaskanymore.Iknowwheretofindhim.
Hisseriousexpressionbreaksandheletsoutanamusedchuckle.“Yousurearebossyforagirl
whosubmitssoeasilyinbed.”
HeatrocketsupmynecktosettleonmycheeksandIshrinkbackalittle,suddenlyfeelingshy.“I
likeyou,Vash.Likereallylikeyou.”
He blows out an exasperated breath and looks past me to my car. There's awkward silence for
severalmoments.It'ssothickthatIfeelitstingingmyeyes.
Hekeepshisheadturned,buthiseyesfindmyfaceagain,andheletsoutasofthuff.“I'lltextyou.”
“Really?”Iperkup,thencringeinternallyathowpatheticallyhappyIsound.
“But don't expect anything.” He pokes my forehead with his index finger so hard that I stumble
back.“Nowgohome.Wewouldn'twantyourmothertothinkyoustayedoutlatedoingbadthingswitha
manalmosttwiceyourage.”
“Twicemyage?”Iarchaneyebrow,fairlycertainheaddedthatlastparttowardmeoff.It'snot
goingtowork.“Howoldareyouanyway?”
“Toooldforyou.”Hesnorts.
“Howolddoyouthinkistoooldforme?”
“I'mthirty-three.”Hestaresdirectlyatmeashesaysit,probablytryingtogaugemyreaction.
Ijustsmile.“Thenyou'retheperfectageforme.”
Before he has a chance to argue, I pivot on my heels and walk away. When I glance back, he's
shakinghishead,buthe'salsowearingastunninggrinthatmakesmyheartflutterwithalloftheamazing
thingsIfeelforhim.
***
My mood sinks when I see the lights on in the living room as I pull up to my house. I had
purposelyturnedthemoffwhenIleftsothatI'dknowifmymomwashomeornotwhenIreturnedsince
she parks her car in the garage and closes the door. She's home, and that means I'm potentially in for a
lectureunlessIcansneakpastherandgettomybedroomfirst.
There'snochanceofthat.She'sontheothersideofthedoorwhenIopenit,startlingmesobadly
thatmyhandreachesuptograspatmychest.
“Whatthehell,Mom?”Itrytobrushpasther.
“Where have you been?” She follows me. “I've been texting you, and you haven't been
responding.”
MytreacherousmouthbeltsoutthetruthbeforeIcanthinkbetterofit,“IwasatVash's.”
Thatstopsmymomdeadinhertracks.Knowingthatshe'llfollowmeallthewaytomybedroom
now,Iturntofaceher.Mightaswellgetthisoverwithnow.I'veopenedPandora'sbox.Ihavetoshove
themonsterbackinbeforewe'llbeokayagain.
“ButIcalledhimandcanceled.”Shelookspuzzled.
Ichewmybottomlip,realizingI'vebackedmyselfintoacorner.There'snologicalreasonwhyI'd
havehisphonenumber,andIdefinitelyshouldn'thaveknownhisaddress.
“I knew that he had cooked for us, and I felt bad.” I shrug, trying to jump past the issue of my
abilitytocontacthim.“Wehadmadeplans.Itdidn'tmakesenseforhimtohavetospendSaturdayalone.”
Ohgeez.Justshutupalready.Everytimeyouopenyourmouth,youdigyourselfadeeperhole
whilethrowingthedirtontopofyourselfatthesametime.
Mymomsimplystandstherewithhermouthagape,blinkingatme.
“So,howwasyourpatient?”Ifoldmyarmsandrockbackandforth,tryingtolookinnocent.
“Ohno.”Shewagglesherfingeratme.“Youarenotchangingthesubject.”
Isigh,myshouldersslumping.“I'msorry.Ijustwantedtogoswimmingreallybadly.”
“Then you should have called up David and went with him.” She points towards the door, her
voicerisingseveraloctaves.Herfaceisturningredfromanger,andIknowthatthisconversationlikely
won'thaveafavorableendingforme.
“WehadalreadymadeplanswithVash.”Ihuff,avertingmyeyes.
“Yes,we,”sheenunciatesthewordbeforegesturingbetweenus.“YouandIhadplanswithhim.
Youhadnobusinessgoingovertherealone.Howdidyouevenfindhishouse?”
IcringeassheasksthequestionI'vebeenavoiding.
“I...textedhimandaskedforhisaddress.”Icower,knowingthatthecrapstormisabouttoerupt.
“Howdidyougethisnumber?”
“Igotitfromyourcomputer.”Iclosemyeyes,visiblysinkingawayfromheranger.
“Why?” She throws her hands up at me. But almost as soon as she does, all of the color drains
fromherfaceastheblatantrealizationhitsher.“Itwasn'taboutwantingtogoswimming,wasit?”
Aknotformsinmystomachsobigthatitalmosttakesmetotheground.Forasplitsecond,Ithink
sheknowsoursecret—knowsabouttheauction—thatwe'vehadsexbefore.
“You like him,” she says almost bitterly. “You're attracted to him, so you wanted to see him
again.”
“That's not it.” What the hell? You can lie now? Where was this magical ability when you
neededittenminutesago?
“Thenwhy?Whyelse,Aubrey?Whywouldyougotoaman'shousethatyoubarelyknow?”She
foldsherarmsoverherchest,obviouslynotbelievingme.
“ItoldyouthatIwantedtogoswimming,”Iinsist.
“Oh,that'sbullshit.”SheshakesherheadsoquicklythatIworryherneckmightsnap.Icanfeel
herangerbuilding.It'slikesomeonejustthrewagrenadeintotheroom,andI'msilentlycountingdownthe
secondsuntilitkillsusall.
“Idon'tknowwhatelsetotellyou.”Ishrug.
“There'snothingelsetosay.”Herjawtenses.“Iknowwhatthisis.Markmywords,though,you
arenotgoingtofuckthisupforme.Vashisn'tinterestedinalittlegirllikeyou.”Hereyestearmeupand
down, and her words hurt far more than they should. “You need to abandon whatever fantasy you have
abouthim.”Shepauses,tappingherfootafewtimesbeforecontinuing,“You'regrounded.”
“I'meighteen.Youcan'tgroundme.”Icockaneyebrowather.
“Fine.Thenyou'renotallowedtocometomyworkanymoreunlessItellyouthatyoucan.And
you'redefinitelynotallowedtotalktoVashanymore.Unlockyourphoneandgiveittome.”Sheholdsher
handouttome.
“What?”Istareatitlikeshe'scrazy.
“Goddammit,Aubrey.Ipayyourphonebill,givemeyourfuckingphone,”sheyells,makingme
actimmediately.
Istandtherehelplesslyasshescrollsthroughmycontacts.WhenshefindsVash'sname,hereyes
flituptome,andhermouthdropsopen.Icringeagain,rememberingtheheartemoticonIplacednexttoit.
ThecatisofficiallyoutofthebaginregardstohowIfeelabouthim.
I watch as Mom presses the buttons on my phone so hard that I worry the screen will break. I
knowwhatshe'sdoing.She'sdeletinghisphonenumber.Afterthis,she'lllikelychangethepasswordon
hercomputersothatIcan'tgettoitagain.MybodydrainsofallhappinessasIrealizethatunlessVash
textsmefirst,I'llprobablynevertalktohimagain.Ijustpraythatshedidn'tblockhisnumberbeforeshe
deletedit.
Onceshe'sdone,shethrowsmyphoneatme.Itslipsfrommygripandclatterstothefloor.Bythe
timeI'verecoveredit,Momhasalreadystompedofftoherbedroom.Iknowthatsheprobablywon'ttalk
tomeforseveralweeks.That'salwayswhathappenswhenwefight.Iceasetoexistinherworlduntilshe
needsmetodosomethingforher.Thenshe'llsuddenlywarmbackuptomeasifweneverfoughtatall.
Thereareveryrarelyanyapologies.Oneminutewe'reenemies,thenextwe'regoodagain.It'syetanother
oddityofourrelationship.
Icradlemyphonelikeit'sadelicatethingasItakesulkingstepstowardsmybedroom.Myfaceis
hotfromtheflurryofunpleasantemotionsassaultingme,andmyeyesstingfromthetearsthatarelining
them. Once I reach my bedroom, I throw myself onto the bed and sob wildly. Everything inside of me
hurts.MyheartfeelstornbetweenthemanIwantandthewomanwhoraisedme.Mostofmythoughtsare
illogical,everythingfromtellingmymomthetruthaboutVashandmetoleavingimmediatelyandshowing
uponVash'sdoorsteptoaskifIcanstaythenight.Eitherofthosewouldjustmakethesituationworse,
though.Luckily,Ifeeltooweaktocarryanythingout.Ijustwanttoliehereandhopethatthepainwill
fade.
One thing's for certain, I need to move out as soon as possible. With more money in my bank
accountthanI'llneedforcollege,there'snogoodreasonwhyIshouldstay.Andnowthatthere'stension
betweenmymomandme...Idon'twanttospendweekshavingtodealwithawkwardsilencewhileshe
getsoverwhathappened.I'vesufferedenoughfromherstubbornnessandbadparenting.
I'malmostasleepwhenmyphonebuzzeswithanotification.Ihavenohopelefttothinkthatit's
goingtobeVash.Davidhasbeentextingmerelentlessly,despitethefactthatIkeepblowinghimoff.
MyhandfeelslikeitweighsamillionpoundsasIpickupthephoneandflipitover.Thetextis
fromanunknownnumber.Itsimplysays,“Ijustwantedtotellyougoodnight.”
I swallow hard, tapping on the message to look at the phone number. I remember it well from
seeingitearlier,andmyfacelightsupwithasmile,tearsspillingdownmycheeksfromhappinessthis
time.Mymomdidn'tblockhisnumber,andhedidn'tlietome.
IsaveVash'snumberintomyphoneagain,puttingaheartemoticonnexttoit.
CHAPTERTEN
VASH
IthinkaboutAubreyallnight.Itstartedbeforesheleft.Itstartedthesecondsheclosedhereyes
andfellasleeplikeanangelbymyside.IthoughtaboutthehorriblethingIhaddone,andhowIwantedto
doitagain—countlesstimes—fortherestofherlifeifshe'dletme.Ithoughtabouthowinsaneitwas,
someonelikemewantingsomeonelikeher.Ofcourse,it'snotunnaturalforanoldermantobeattractedto
ayoungerwomanandviceversa.Butthefactthatshe'smybusinesspartner'sdaughter...
Thiscan'tfuckinghappen.Itjustcan't.Ihadconvincedmyselfofthatbythetimeshehadawoken.
Ihadevendistancedmyselffromhertokeepmypervertedthoughtsatbay,becausejustlyingtherewith
her,Iwantedtoputmyhandsalloverher.Iwantedtopinchhersoftnipplesintotautpeaks.Iwantedto
wakeherwithmymouthbetweenherlegs,tastinghersweetnessandgivingherthemostamazingorgasm.
ButIrefusedtoshowmydesperationforher.Irefusedtoshowhowquicklyshe'dgottenundermy
skin.SoIleftherthere,abandonedandalone,togointothelivingroomandgetmyheadbackonstraight.
Whenshewalkedoutofmybedroominoneofmybutton-downshirts,italmostundidme.Again,
myneedtohavehersurgedtothesurface.IcanstillrememberfeelingmypulseinmydickasIplayedthe
coolact,regardingherwithasmuchdisinterestasIcouldmuster.
ButwhenIsawthehurtinhereyeswhenIsaidIcouldn'tseeheragain—whenIfeltthatsamehurt
inmyownheart,adeepachethatpenetratedeveryfiberofmybeing—IknewthatIcouldn'tsticktomy
resolve.Notinthatmoment,atleast.ItoldherthatIwouldtexther,andIhadplannedonitbeingalie.
Butonceshewasgone,Icouldn'tthinkofanythingotherthanhavingcontactwithheragain.
Itriedtodistractmyself.Finishedwatchingthatstupidmovie,eventhoughIcouldn'ttellyouwhat
itwasabout.Icleanedthegrill,prayingthatthenightairwouldcleansemeofmyforbiddenthoughts.I
evenchangedthesheetsonmybedsothatIwouldn'thavetowallowinthescentofourcouplingallnight.
Nothingmadehergoaway.Nothingmademestopwantingher.
Andataquartertomidnight,mytreacherousfingerstypedoutatextmessagetoher,andIsighed
tomyselfforbeingsoweak.Idon'tknowwhatthefuckI'mdoinganymore,andIdon'tknowwhattodo
aboutit.
Thenextday,beingaroundEulafeelsalmostunnatural.Everytimewepasseachother,allIcan
thinkaboutishowIfuckedherdaughter—abouthowI'mquicklybecomingaddictedtoherdaughter.She
seemstenseandabitdistant,whichsuitsmejustfine.IthinkabouttextingAubreytoaskifeverythingis
alrightwiththem,butIdon'twanttoopenabiggerlineofcommunicationthanIalreadyhave.Shesentme
atextthismorningtellingmegoodmorningwithasunshineemoticonbehindit.Itmademesmile,butI
dared not respond, caught somewhere between knowing that I need to keep my distance and wanting to
chargefull-throttleaheadanddestroyeverythingI'veworkedsohardtobuild.I'vealwaysbeenalogical
man,though,andlogichasthankfullytrumpeddesiresofar,atleastwhereitmatters.Ican'ttalktoAubrey
again.Ican'tseeheragain.Thishastoend.
Despite thinking that, I feel the need to text her all day long, to ask how her day is, to make
pointless conversation just to get closer to her. The urge is every bit as strong as my alcohol addiction
usedtobe.I'vereadhergoodmorningtextmessagebetweenpatientscountlesstimes.SomanythatIfeel
patheticforit.HavingEulaaroundmightbetheonlyrealthingholdingmebackfromresponding.Every
timeshelooksatme,I'massaultedbyguilt.IsupposeIhavemoreofaconsciencethanIthought.
By the end of the day, I need a drink more than ever. That's probably a bad idea, though. I am
pronetodrunktexting,andAubreyisstillattheforefrontofmymind.
“Hey.” Eula knocks on my office door, drawing my attention up from reading Aubrey's text
messagefortheumpteenthtime.
“Hey.”Iquicklystashmyphoneaway,realizinghowsuspiciousmydesperatemovementslook.
“I'mreallysorryaboutcancelingonyouovertheweekend.”She'swearingagenuinelyapologetic
expression.
“It'sfine.”Ipullmystethoscopeoff,readytogetoutoftheofficeandawayfromthisawkward
situation.
“Letmemakeituptoyou.”
“There'snoneedforthat.”Istartwalkingtowardsthedoor,butsheblocksmypath.
“Please. I want to,” her voice is full of sincerity. “Let me take you out to dinner tonight. It will
makebothofourMondaysbetter.”Shebendsslightlytocatchmygaze,asoftsmileplayingonherface.
Everythinginmewantstotellherno,butIjustcan't.Shelookstoodamnhopeful.Andifthiswill
makeherfeelbetter,thenit'stheleastIcando.Ihavetokeepinmindthatsheknowsnothingaboutwhat
wentonbetweenAubreyandI.She'sprobablyfeelingjustasmuchguiltforskippingoutthatIamfor...
Well,maybeshe'snotfeelingasmuchguiltasIam,butIknowwebothhaveregrets,andforthatreason,I
shouldsayyes.
“Sure,”Ireplyhesitantly,mysubconsciousmindstilltellingmethatthisisahorribleidea.
“Great.”Sherocksonherheelsbeforeturningtograbhercoatfromheroffice.
Wesettleinatabarandgrilldownthestreet.Sheordersamargarita,andIstareatthealcohol
list,knowingbetter.
“You'renotgoingtogetsomethingtodrink?ItisaMonday,afterall.”Hereyeswidenforeffect.I
canonlyassumeshe'shadashittyday.Minehasn'tbeenthatterrible.Wewereswampedwithpatients,but
that'sneverabadthing.
I don't need another invitation. I quickly order a Crown and coke before she has a chance to
remembermypastaddiction.
“IregretnotbeingabletomakeitonSaturday,”shestartsinagain.“Thedaughterofoneofmy
patients ended up having a stroke accompanied by a grand mal seizure. She's forty-six and pregnant.
Thankfully,thebabywasokay.”
“That'sgood,”Ireplyabsently.
Ican'thelpbutwonderhowthingswouldhavebeendifferentifAubreyandEulahadshownup
together.AnyflirtationonAubrey'spartwouldhavelikelybeenalotmoresubtle.Thoughatthispoint,I
don'tputitpasthertohavedraggedmeofftothesidetopointoutmytattoos.Thenagain,hadtheyshown
upliketheyweresupposedto,Ineverwouldhavehadmyshirtoffinthefirstplace.Iprobablywould
havebeenabletokeepmysecretforawhilelonger—maybeindefinitely.Thingscertainlywouldn'thave
gottenascomplicatedastheydid.Iwouldn'thavefallenpreytoweaknessandhadsexwithAubreyagain,
because the opportunity wouldn't have been there. And we wouldn't be having this awkward as fuck
dinner.
“I'msorrythatAubreystillcameoveralone,”hertoneisthickwithtension.
“Itwasnobother.”Iquicklyshakemyhead.
“Iimagineitmusthavebeen,havingtoentertainsomeonesoyoung.Iimaginethatthetwoofyou
don'thavemuchincommon.”Shesmilesatthewaiterasheservesusourdrinks.
“Therewasn'tmuchentertainingtodo.Wejustateandwentswimming.”Ishrug.
“Youtwomusthavebeenprunes.Shewasthereforalongtime.”Eulatakesasipofhermargarita
andherfacepuckersslightly.
“Tootart?”Iask,desperatetochangethesubject.
“Alittle.”Shetakesthelimewedgeoffoftherimofherglassandsetsitdownonanapkin.“Itold
herthatIdon'twanthergoingovertoyourplacealoneagain.”
“Oh,it'snobigdeal.She'swelcomeanytime.”Itrymybesttosoundfriendly.
“Ijust...don'tthinkit'sappropriate.”Eulaavertshergaze.
“Ah.Well,that'sunderstandable.”Ishiftmyweight,feelingsuddenlyhotfromtheuncomfortable
conversation.
“Good.Thenwedon'thavetoworryaboutsomethinglikethathappeningagain.”Shesmiles.
Thankfully, the conversation turns to work related things. We eat our food and have a few more
drinks,andthetensionmeltsawayaswebothputwhathappenedonSaturdaybehindus.
ThelongerIlookatEula,themoreIseeherasabeautifulwoman.She'sstrongandintelligentand
ambitious.There'sasexinesstothewayshecarriesherself,herheadalwaysheldhigh.Butthere'salso
usuallyastiffnesstoher,likeshekeepsherguardup.ThisisoneoftheraretimesthatI'veseenitdrop—
wheresheseemstrulyrelaxed.
It's probably the alcohol. Alcohol tends to make most people relax, to allow them to be more
themselves.Butthere'safinelinebetweenrelaxingandlettingitallhangout.Aboutfourmargaritasin,
Eulabeginstocrossit.
“DoyouthinkI'mabadmother?”sheasks.
ThequestioncomesoutsosuddenlythatIdon'tevenknowhowtoreacttoit.Istareatherblankly,
tryingtoformulateanhonestanswerbycompilingallthedatafromwhatI'veseenandheardsofar.
Shedoesn'twaitformetorespond.
“IknowI'mnotthebest,butI'vetried.”Eulastaresdownathalf-emptymargaritanumberfive.“I
neverwantedkids,youknow.”
“Ididn'tknowthat.”Idropmygazetomydrinkaswell.
“Iwasn'tevengoingtohaveAubrey,butWillthoughtthatabortionisasin,soIwentthroughwith
ittopleasehim.Isupposeit'snowondersheturnedouttobeadaddy'sgirl.”Shesoundsbitter.
Iknowthatshe'sintheprocessofunloading,soIremainsilent.
“Ithinkshehasdaddyissues.”Eulascowlsbeforetakinganothergulpofhermargarita.
“Whatmakesyousaythat?”
“Shelovedhimmorethanme,youknow.”Sheignoresmyquestion.“SheprobablywishesthatI'm
theonewhodied.”
“Don'tsaythat.”
“It'strue.”Hereyesshootuptomeetmine.“Evennow,afterallthistime,webarelyconnect.It's
likeshe'snotevenmydaughter.”
HearinghersaythatmakesmefeelbadforAubrey.I'minnopositiontotakesides,though.Istill
don't really have a great idea of what their relationship is like, but I definitely know that it's strained.
BetweenthisconversationandthefactthatAubreywentbehindhermother'sbacktoseeme,it'sobvious
thatthetwoofthemaren'tinsync.
“Idon'twanttotalkaboutheranymore.”Eulashakesherhead.“We'resupposedtobehavinga
goodtime.I'mnotgoingtoruinit.”
Isighinwardlyinreliefatthechangeofsubject.ForasmuchasI'minfatuatedwithAubrey,Idon't
want to talk about her either—not with her mother. Not when I'm buzzed, and all I can think about is
stickingmydickinher.
Weturntheconversationtomorecasualbanter.WhenEulatriestoorderhersixthmargarita,the
restaurantcutsheroff.AndI'mgladbecauseIwasworriedthatIwasgoingtohavetodoit.Thisisan
interestingturnofeventsinregardstowhatIthoughtwouldhappen.Eulaisusuallysoresponsible.It's
amusingtowatchherletgoforonce.
“Youshouldletmedriveyouhome,”Itellherafterpayingthebill.
“Youshouldhaveletmepayforthat,”shegrumbles.
“Notachance.”Istandwithagrin.
Hercheeksareblotchyandred,hereyesglassy.She'sdefinitelynotokaytodrive.
Aswewalkoutoftherestaurant,sheleansagainstme,clutchingontomyarmforsupport.Istiflea
chuckle,helpingherintomycar.Ievengosofarastobuckletheseatbeltforhersinceshe'sstruggling
withit.
“Thankyou,Vash,”shesayswhenwepullupintoherdriveway,thenfollowsitupbydemurely
askingifIwanttocomein.
I glance at the house and inhale deeply, knowing that Aubrey's inside. I can't see her again. Not
rightnow.
“No,butI'llwalkyoutothedoor,”Ioffer,knowingshe'sunsteadyonherfeet.
Eulaclingstomysidejustasdesperatelyasshedidattherestaurant.Whenwegettothedoor,I
expecthertoopenitandgoin,butshegivespause,turningtome.“You'reareallygoodguy.”
“Youwoulddothesameforme.”Istareatthedoor,feelinganxietyfrombeingsoclosetoAubrey
butbeingunabletotouchher.
“I like this shirt on you.” She runs her fingers across the collar of the light blue dress shirt I'm
wearing.
“Thanks.”
“Ilikeyourpantstoo.”Hergazefallstomyslacksbeforereachingbackuptomyface.“Youlook
goodineverythingyouwear,though.You'rejustoneofthosetypesofguys.”
“Reallynow?”Ismirk,realizingthatshe'sblatantlyflirtingwithme.
“Really.”Shenodsinagreementwithherself.
“Well,Iliketolookgood.”Iplaythearrogancecard.
“Well,yousucceed.”
“Youshouldprobablygoinnow.”Igesturetowardthedoor,tryingtomoveheralong.
“Notuntilyougivemeahug.”Eulaopensherarmstome.
IglancequicklyaroundtheneighborhoodasifworriedthatAubreyishidingaroundsomecorner
beforeengagingintheembrace.
Eulafistsherhandintothebackofmyshirt,pressingherfullbodyagainstme.She'ssmallinmy
arms, though not as tiny as Aubrey. She nuzzles her face against my chest in much the same way that
Aubreynuzzledherfaceagainstmylegthatnightinthehotelroom.Itmakesthememoriesoftheauction
come back to me with a sickening hollowness in my chest and other less appropriate reactions down
below.ItrytopullEulaawayfrommesothatshedoesn'tfeelthegrowingbulgeinmyslacks,butshe
refusestoletmego.
Instead, she turns her face to me. Her eyes are hooded. When she stands up on tiptoe, I feel my
heartfreeze.Herlipsseekmineout,andIturnonlyafractionofasecondbeforetheywouldhavemade
contact.Thekisslandsonmycheek.
“Youshouldgoinnow,”Itellheragain,morefirmlythistime.Igripherbytheshouldersandpull
herawayfromme,nolongercaringaboutbeinggentle.
“Youshouldcomeintoo.”Shetracesafingerdownthefrontofmychest.
“You'redrunk,”Isayfinally.“Youdon'tknowwhatyou'redoing.Youneedtogosleepthisoff.”
“IknowexactlywhatI'mdoing.”Shefrowns.“Ijustdidn'thavethecouragetodoituntilnow.”
“Ifyouneededalcoholtohavethecouragetodothis,thenit'snotwhatyoureallywant.”Irelax
mygriponher,brushingaloosestrandofhairthat'sfallenfromherponytailbehindherear.
Shesmilesupatme,andIseethelonginginhereyes.“Suchagoodguy.Youdon'twanttofeel
likeyou'retakingadvantageofmewhileI'mdrunk.”Shenods.“Icanrespectthat.”
“Thankyou.Nowgetinside.”Iglancetowardthedoor.
“Thank you, Vash.” She fishes her keys out of her purse. “I've had a wonderful night with you.
Truly.Weshoulddoitagainsometime.”
“Sure.”Ilookdownather,knowingit'salie.
CHAPTERELEVEN
AUBREY
My mom comes home late almost every evening. Just not this late. And certainly not stumbling
overherself.
We'restillatthepointwhereIdon'tgiveacrap.Hadshenotcaughtmeinthemiddleofcooking
ramenfordinner,Iwouldtakeflightstraighttomyroom.Asitis,there'snoescapingher.I'mhungry,and
I'mnotabouttostopcookingjusttoavoidher.
Iexpecthertoplaytheavoidancegameaswell,takingcareofherbusinessinthekitchenandthen
doingau-turntowardanyroomthatI'mnotoccupying.Instead,shegrabsabottleofwaterfromthefridge
beforeplantingherselfatthebreakfastnookwhereshehasaclearviewofwhatI'mdoing.
There's a dreamy-looking smile plastered across her face, which is unusual for my mother. And
shekeepsglancingatme,whichisagoodindicationthatshewantstotalkabouthernight.
Isighinwardly,notreallycaringwhatshe'sbeenuptobutdecidingtobethebiggerpersonand
starttheprocessofsmoothingthingsoverbetweenus.
“Wherehaveyoubeen?”Iask,thoughthere'sdefinitelyalackofinterestinmyvoice.
“IjusthaddinnerwithDoctorBlack.”Shetwiststhetopoffofherbottleofwaterandtakesalong
gulp.
Justhearinghisnamecausesmyskintoprickle.Thebuttheaddoesn'thavetimetoreturnmytext,
buthecangoouttodinnerwithmymother.Unbelievable.Tomakemattersworse,itseemsthatmymother
isgloatingaboutit.
“Wehadthemostwonderfultime.”Momstretcheshertorsooutacrossthetable,keepingherface
towardsme.
“Goodforyou,”Igrumble,doingmybesttoignoreher.
“IthinkI'minlove,”shepurrs.
Isnort.“Mustbenice.”
“Itis,”shesaysmatter-of-factly,sittingup,hervoicetakingaseriousturn.“Youshouldbehappy
forme.Ihaven'tlikedsomeonelikethisinalongtime.”
Igrunt,notbotheringtohumorherwitharesponse.AnythingIsaywillbesarcasticanyway.
“Wetalkedaboutsomanythings.”Thetemporaryangerfadesandshestartsgushingagain.“He's
soeasytotalkto.Andwhenwelefttherestaurantheheldmyhandandwalkedmebacktohiscar,andI
leanedagainsthischest.He'ssosolid.Sohandsome.Andhesmellssogood.”
Ivisiblytensefromhearingthattheyheldhands.
Really? Did that really happen? I can't seem to make myself believe it. There's no way that he
likesmymother—thathewouldhavebeenthatloveywithherafterhavingsexwithmeonlyafewdays
prior.
“Andwhenhewalkedmeuptothedoor,hekissedme.”Sheswoons.“Withanyluck,you'llhavea
newstep-fathersoon.”
Myhandsaretremblingwithanger.I'mholdingthesoupspoonsotightlythatit'scuttingintomy
palm.I'mtryingtokeepmyselftogether;Ireallyam.Butathearinghersaythattheykissed,Iloseit.
“What in the fuck is wrong with you?” I yell at her, throwing the spoon down onto the kitchen
countersothatIdon'tchuckitatherhead.
“Aubrey!”Sheshootsup,sittingasstraightasaboard.
“Youtellmenottobealonewithhim,andthenyougoanddothis.”Igestureerratically.Iknow
I'mnotmakinganysense,butIcan'tstopthewordscomingfrommymouth.
“Idowhat?Gooutonadatewithamanmyageandtrytohavealife.”
“He'syoungerthanyou,”Ipointout.
“Howwouldyouknowthat?”Shequirksherheadback.
“Becausehetoldmehowoldheis.”
“So?There'snothingwrongwithanolderwomandatingayoungermanthesedays.”Sherollsher
eyes.
“It'snotevenaboutthat.”Ipinchthebridgeofmynose,feelingtensionsettlingbehindmyeyes.
“It'sthepotcallingthekettleblack.YougotallpissedoffbecauseIwasalonewithhim.Youjustdidn't
wantmetobealonewithhimbecauseyouwerejealous.”
Shehuffs.“What'stheretobejealousof?You'rejustalittlegirl.YouthinkthatI'mtoooldforhim.
He's what, a few years younger than me. He's old enough to be your fucking father,” she draws out the
sentenceforemphasis.“Hedoesn'twantalittlebratlikeyouwithnothingtoofferhim.Hewantsareal
woman.Growthefuckup,Aubrey.Youcan'talwaysgetwhatyouwant.”
“Iamafuckinggrownup.”Islammyfistdownagainstthekitchencountersohardthateverything
onitrattlesandmyknucklesache.
“Thenstopactinglikeachild.”Sheglaresatme.
“Fine.Ifthat'swhatyouwant,thenI'llmoveout.”
She lets out a shrill and bitter laugh. “With what money? I pay for all of your shit. See, this is
exactly what I'm talking about. You know nothing about the real world. You think that things will just
happenbecauseyouwantthemto.Imakethingshappenforyou.Me.”Shepointstoherself.“Ipayyour
bills.Iputaroofoveryourhead.Iputfoodinyourbelly.”Shegesturestotheramencookingonthestove.
“Youdon'thaveajob.You'renotgoingtoschool.YoujustloafaroundalldaylivinginFantasyLand.”
“You know what? Fuck you,” I scream at the top of my lungs, grabbing the pot of boiling water
fromthestoveandflingingitather.Well,notather,perse,butontothefloorcloseenoughtoherthatshe
jumpsupoutofherchairtoavoidtheburningsplash.
Hereyeswiden,andhernostrilsflare.Atthatmoment,IknowthatI'vecrossedtheline—thatIlet
myjealousyandangergetthebestofme.
“Gotoyourroom,”sheyells.“Youcleanthatupandyougotoyourroom.”
“Youcleanitup.Idon'tlivehereanymore.”Isteppastherandthemessonthefloortogopack
mythings.
Ican'tstayinthishouseasecondlonger.Ineedtogetout.NotjustbecauseI'mpissedoff,butalso
becauseI'mashamedofhowIjustacted.
There's a part of me that's pleading with my good sense to submit—that's saying I should turn
aroundandcleanupmymessandapologize.Pridekeepsmemovingthough.Itmakesmepackasuitcase
andgrabmykeysandheadoutthedoor,slammingitbehindme.Itmakesmedrivetothenearestextended
stayhotelandbookaroomforaweek.
AssoonasI'msettledin,Iletoutawailingsob.I'msoupsetfromsomanythings.Notjustfrom
thefightwithmymombutfromwonderingifeverythingshesaidwastrue.DidVashreallyholdherhand?
DidhekissherrightoutsidethefrontdoorknowingthatIwashome?Doeshewanttobewithher?Does
helikehermorethanme?Isthattherealreasonwhyhedidn'twanttohaveanyfurthercontactwithme?
Somanyquestions,andthere'sonlyonewayIcangetanswerstothem.IhavetotalktoVash.
I pick up my phone from the kitchen table and scroll with shaky hands to the short text
conversationthatIhadwithVash.TearscascadedownmycheeksasIreadthetwolines,onewithhim
telling me goodnight and the other with me telling him good morning. There's nothing else. He never
respondedback.
Myheartachesinmychest,justknowingthatwhatmymothersaidwastrue.Ifhewereinterested
inmeformorethanjustsex,hewouldhaverespondedbynow.Buthehasn't.Hefulfilledhisobligationto
textmeonce,andnowhe'sdonewithme.
Myeyescloudfromthemoisturepoolinginthem,andIdecidetoallowmyselftohaveagoodcry
beforeIdoanythingelse,togetallofthepoisonout.Itfeelslikemyhearthasbeenbrokenintoabillion
pieces—like no one in the world cares about me. Of course, I know that's not true. I still have my
grandparentsandDavid.IfIhadn'twantedmyindependencesobadly,Iwouldhavegonestraighttomy
grandparents'houseinstead.SeeingDavidwasoutofthequestionthough.Hewouldhavetriedtocomfort
me,andIwouldhavefelthorribleaboutit,knowingthatIwasupsetoveranotherman.Itwouldn'thave
beenfairtohim.
Iliebackonthebed,lettingmyphonefalllifelesslyfrommyhand.Istareatitforwhatfeelslike
a good hour, wanting someone—anyone—to text me. Wanting Vash to finally reply and show interest.
Wantingmymomtoapologizeandsayshewantsmetocomehome.Neitherhappens.
Youthinkthatthingswilljusthappenbecauseyouwantthemto.Mymom'swordsplaybackin
mymindonrepeat.Maybeshe'sright.MaybeIamtooselfishandnaive.ButIdon'twanttobethatway
anymore.
Isitupandwipethetearsaway,tryingtohardenmyheartandreclaimsomeoftheangerIwas
feelingearlierasIpickmyphonebackup.ItellmyselfthatIdon'tcareabouttheanswers,notreally.That
Ijustwanttoknowwhat'sgoingonsothatIcanabandonanyhopeofeverhavingVashandmoveon.I
wanttoknowwhatreallyhappenedbetweenhimandmymom.
There'snopretexttowhatItypeout.Nowarmgreetingoreasingintoit.Itext,“Didyoukissmy
mother?”
ThenIwait.IwaitwithmorenervousnessthanIshould.Iwaitwithanxietysnakingthroughevery
fiberofmybeing.There'sasickfeelinginmystomachfromknowingthatheeitherwon'trespondorwill
tellmethetruththatwillcrushmyheartfurther.It'sgoingtobepowderbythetimethisnightisthrough.
To my surprise, only about a minute passes before I hear my phone chime with a notification. I
suckinadeepbreathbeforelookingatthescreen.Thereplysimplysays,“No.”
IblowoutthebreathIwasholding,feelingslightlylessbroken,thoughIdon'tknowwhy.Ipress
formore,hopinghewon'tdroptheconversation.MaybeifItellhimwhathappened...
Aubrey: My mother and I got into a fight. She said that you held her hand when you left the
restauranttonightandthatyoukissedher.
Vash:Yourmotherwasverydrunk.Iletherleanonmewhenwewereleavingtherestaurant.We
didnotholdhands.AndwhenIwenttodropheroff,shetriedtokissme,butIpushedheraway.
Ichewmybottomlip.Thisnewsshouldmakemeelated,butIknowthatoneofthemislying.It
wouldnotbefar-fetchedtothinkitwasmymother.Shehasahabitofembellishingthetruth.Heck,she's
toldmeafewboldfaceliesaboutthingsthathappenedtoherthatneveractuallydid.Butintruth,Idon't
knowVashwellenoughtobelievehimeither.Mymotherisabeautifulwoman,andjudgingfromallof
their interactions together, I see no reason why he wouldn't go for her if she threw herself at him. It
workedwhenItriedit.
Isighagain,notreallyknowingwhattothink.
Aubrey:Doyoulikemymother?Shethinksthatthetwoofyouaregoingtostartdating.
Vash:No.That'snotgoingtohappen.
Iwanttobelievehim.Morethanthat,Iwanthimtosaysomethingtocomfortme—somethingto
showmethathe'sinterestedinme.Hedoesn'tthough.Hedoesn'tevenshowmuchconcerntowardsmeor
the situation. My phone is silent for the rest of the night, and I spend hours staring at it, wondering if I
destroyedmyrelationshipwithmymotherovernothing.
***
Idon'tseemymotheragainuntilIdropthekeyofftoherhouse.Ihadspenttheweekwell,finding
andleasinganapartment,thenpackingandmovingmystuffduringthedaytimewhileshewasatwork.I
wonderedifsheeverevenwentintomyroomandnoticedthatthingsweremissing.Ifshehad,shewasn't
concernedenoughtotextmeoverit.
Igaveusbothafullweektocooloffbeforedecidingtodeliverthekeys.AndIcontinuetoactlike
astranger,notbarginginlikeInormallywould.Instead,Istandonherdoorstepandknock.
She opens the door with a deadpan expression. The moment she sees me, she crosses her arms
overherchest.There'snohappinessonherface.
“Where have you been?” she asks, though there's more anger than worry in her voice. “I called
yourgrandparents,andtheysaidyouweren'twiththem.”
I'msurprisedshereachedouttoanyonetotryandfindoutmywhereabouts.
“Youcouldhavejustcalledme,”Ipointout.
“WereyouwithDavid?”Icanalmosthearhersilentlyfollowingitupwith,“becauseVashdoesn't
wantyou.”
Thathasbecomemorethanobvioustomeoverthispastweek.Hehasn'ttextedmesincethenight
ofthefight.Hasn'tevenaskedifI'malright.He'sascoldasmymother.Theybelongtogether.Eventhough
ithurtsmetothinkthat,theytrulydo.
“Igotanapartment,”Itellhermatter-of-factly.
“With what money?” She quirks her head back in surprise. “Did you borrow it from your
grandparents?”
TheaccusationthatIhavetoleechoffofotherpeopletogetbypissesmeoff.
“Isoldsomethingprecioustome.”Myheartstingsfromtheadmission.
“Thejewelryyoureceivedwhenmymotherpassedaway,nodoubt.”Shenodstoherself,herlips
pressingintoatightline.
Her words cut into me deeply—how little she thinks of me. Geez, she's such a bitch. I can't
believethishatefulwomangavebirthtome.
Still,it'sbetterforhertothinkthat'sthecasethantellingherthetruth,notthatIthinkshe'dcareat
this particular moment. I still do, though. And I'd rather she think me some pathetic broke girl than a
whore.
“Itdoesn'tmatterhowIgotthemoney.”IholdoutthekeythatI'vebeenclutchinginmypalm.“I
justcametoreturnthis.”
Shelooksatthekeybutdoesn'ttakeit.Thenhereyesflitbackuptomine.“Whatareyougoingto
dowhenyourunoutofmoney?I'msureyoudon'thavemuchleft.”
Ifsheonlyknew.Rightnow,Iprobablyhavemoremoneyinmybankaccountthanshedoes.
“That'snoneofyourconcern.”
“Isupposenot,”shemumbles.“Keepthekey.Whoknowswhenyou'llneeditagain.”
“Idon'twantit.”Iglareather.
Shesighs,steppingbackintothehouseandclosingthedoorinmyface.Ihearthelocktwistasshe
shutsmeout,notthatitcouldkeepmeoutsinceshedidn'ttakethekeyback.Foramoment,Ithinkabout
chargingintothehouseandthrowingthekeyather,butIdon'twanttofantheflamesbetweenusanymore.
Whilenotexactlycivil,theconversationwejusthadwasalotlessheatedthanitcouldhavebeen.
Iclenchmyjaw,standingthereforseveralsecondsbeforeIheadintothebackyardtoputmykey
with the spare one that she keeps in a fake rock near the backdoor. Then I head back to my apartment,
thinkingthewholewayabouthowmylifehascompletelyturnedtoshit.
***
Anotherweekhaspassed,andI'veofficiallygivenuponVash.Hissilencespeaksvolumes.He
neverwantedme.TheonlyreasonhehadsexwithmewasthatIthrewmyselfathim.Ifmymomworks
hard enough, I'm sure he'll have sex with her, too. Then they can have their happily ever after together
withmeoutofthepicture.
ButIcan'tsulkandthinkaboutthatforever.Asmuchasithurts,Ineedtomoveon.Ineedtofind
myhappilyeverafter.Andrightnow,mybestoptionforthatisstillDavid.
I invite him over to my apartment for the first time, knowing that I opened Pandora's box by
sleeping with him and that this is one monster I'm not going to be able to wrestle back in. Since we're
perfectlyaloneandthere'snochanceofinterruption,he'sgoingtowanttohavesexwithmeagain.More
thanwantingit,he'sgoingtoexpectit.
I'mnotreallysureifI'mreadyforthatkindofintimacywithsomeoneelseyet,butIneedloving
armsaroundme,andforthatreasonI'mgoingtoforcemyselftobeready.I'mgoingtobeamazingand
wonderfultohimandgivehimeverythingthathewantstomakeupforbeingsodistantthesepastseveral
weeks.Becausehedeservessomeonegood.I'mnotsomeonegoodrightnow,butIwanttobe.Maybethis
willbethefirststeptowardreclaimingsomeofwhoIusedtobe.
“It'snice.”David'seyesfloataroundmyapartment.
Itshouldbenice.Ispentclosetotengrandfurnishingtheplace.Everypieceoffurnitureandallof
theartonthewallsisexactlywhatIwanted.Everythingisdoneinwhitesandsilvers,mimickingVash's
house as best I could. My goodness, I still have it bad for him. Thankfully, looking around hasn't been
much of a reminder. I keep telling myself that I copied his interior design style because I liked it, not
becauseIwantedtofeelclosertohimsomehow.
“Isthisallnew?”Herunshisfingertipsoverthesofaarm.
“Mhm.”Inod,pleasedbyhisreaction.
“How were you able to afford all of this?” He turns to me. “Did your grandparents buy it for
you?”
I'vealreadycaughthimuponwhat'sgoingonwithmymotherinthesensethatwehadahugefight
andaren'treallytalking.Itoldhimthefightwasaboutmebeingimmatureandnotdoinganythingwithmy
life.Hedoesn'tneedtoknowmorethanthat.
“Iopenedacreditcard,”Ilie.Itmakesmefeelbad,butthere'snootherwaytoexplainthisaway.
“Aubrey.”Hegivesmeadisappointedlook.“Howintheheckdoyouplantopaythisalloff?”He
gesturestoeverythingaroundus.
“I'mgoingtogetajob.”Ishruglikeit'snobigdeal.“Don'tworryaboutit.I'vegotitallfigured
out.”
“Icertainlyhopeso.”Hisexpressionspeaksvolumesabouthisskepticism.
Isulkinside,feelingtheweightofmysecret.It'sweirdhavingsomuchmoneybutnotbeingable
totellanyoneaboutit.OnlyVashknows...becauseit'shismoney.
No,nothis.Mine.Iearneditfairandsquare.OnmybacklikethewhoreIam.Was...I quickly
correctmyself.LikethewhoreIwas.That'snotwhoIamanymore.NotsinceImovedhere.
“Wouldyoulikesomethingtodrink?”Itrytodistractmyselffromdepressingthoughts.
“Yeah.Thatwouldbegreat.”Davidshoveshishandsintothepocketsofhiscutoffs,followingme
intothekitchen.
Igrabuseachabottleofwaterfromtherefrigerator,thenwesettleonmysofatowatchamovie
together.Itfeelsnicehavingsomeonefriendlyandfamiliararound,someonewhotrulycaresaboutme.It
feelslessnicewhenheslipshisarmaroundmyshouldershortlyaftertheopeningcreditsroll.
“Comecloser,”hebeckonstome.
Fighting back a frown, I move closer until our legs are touching. He tightens his grip on my
shoulder,makingmeleanagainsthim.Itfeelsforced...probablybecauseitis.It'scuddle-rapeatitsfinest.
While I know I should want to be closer to him, I need it to be on my own terms. He doesn't
understandhowmuchI'vebeenthrough.HowI'mnotquitereadyforsomanythings.
Aboutanhourintothemovie,there'saprettyintensesexscene.IcastaglancedownatDavid's
crotchandfindhisshortstented.Igroaninternally,feelingsexuallydeadinside.Thethoughtofsleeping
withhimisdaunting.Knowingthatwe'regoingtogettothatpointmakesmewanttokickhimoutright
afterthemovie.IcommittedtothiswhenIinvitedhimover,though,soIneedtoseeitthroughnomatter
howmiserableIfeelaboutitrightnow.Whoknows?MaybeI'llenjoyitwhenitactuallyhappens.
Or not...I realize when the movie ends, and David tries to get more cozy. The second I turn my
head to him, his lips press against mine. His hand reaches to caress my cheek, keeping me trapped in
place. I sigh, trying to take pleasure from the kiss but failing miserably at it. Everything just feels so
wrong.
I put myself on auto-pilot, refusing to resist him. No sexual desire surfaces from kissing him.
There'snopassioninitforme.Ifeellikeasexdoll,readytobebenttohiswillbutnotreallyalive.I
thinkaboutmylastencounterwithVash,andthatonlyturnsmeoffmore.NotbecauseIdidn'tenjoyit,but
becauseitseemslikeallofthemenintheworldarejustouttouseme.Iknowthat'snotthecasewith
David,butitsurefeelslikeitwhenIdon'twantthis.
His hands get gropey, moving to touch and squeeze my boobs. I cringe inwardly. It's like being
molestedbyafamilymember.Irecedeintomyhead,wonderingwhathappenedbetweennowandthelast
time we had sex that made me feel this way. It shouldn't be this bad. Maybe I'm broken—completely
brokenfromeverythingthat'sjusthappened.
For as much as I had wanted to see this through until the end—for as much as I had wanted to
wakeupinDavid'sarmswithasmileonmyfaceandloveinmyheartforhim—Iknowit'snotgoingto
happentonight.I'vefinallyreachedthepointwhereI'mabouttopushhimawaywhenaknockonthedoor
savesmefromit.
Davidbreaksfreefromthekiss,hiseyesrovingmyface.They'resofullofaffectionandlonging.
Myexpressionisjust...blank.
“It's probably just a delivery. They'll go away in a minute,” he tells me, leaning in to kiss me
again.
“Ididn'torderanything.”Ipullawayfromhim,standingtogotothedoor.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you whoever is on the other side of that door. Probably my
grandparents.I'llkeepthemhereforaslongasIcan,andaftertheyleave,I'llfakesomeillnessandsend
Davidhome.Wecantrytobeintimateagainsomeothernight,preferablyafterI'vehadmoretimetoheal.
IsmilesoftlytomyselfasIgrabthedoorhandle.Idon'tseemygrandparentsnearlyenoughthese
days.That'ssomethingthatneedstochange,becauserightnow,besidesDavid,they'reallI'vegot.
Iopenthedoor,andthesmileIwaswearingmeltsintoamixofshockandhorror.Vashisstanding
beforemelookingdevastatinglyhandsomeinacharcoalsuitandtie.Whenheglancespastmeandsees
Davidsittingonthesofa,myhearthitsthefloor.
CHAPTERTWELVE
VASH
ONEWEEKEARLIER
Thingsareawkwardatwork,tosaytheleast.I'mnotsureatwhichpointEulagotthetruthtwisted
around.Didshereallytakemykindnessforacceptanceofheractions?Whenshewasleaningagainstme
intheparkinglot,Ijusthadmyarmaroundhertokeepherstanding.Andourlipsdefinitelynevermade
contactinfrontofherhouse.Perhapsshewassodrunkthathermindmadethingsintowhattheyweren't.
Whatever the case, she's definitely acting differently towards me. She's smiling more. Subtly
touchesmeeverychanceshegets.Ireturnnoneofheraffection,noneofherplayfulflirting.
WhensheasksmeinthedaysthatfollowifIwanttogoouttodinnerwithher,Iplainlytellher
no. I know better than to lead her on any further—to give her false hope. We have a professional
relationship,anditneedstostaythatwayforthesakeofourbusinesssucceeding.Surely,sheunderstands
that.Ifshedoesn't,shewillsoonenough.
Eventually,thelightstartstoleavehereyeswhenshelooksatmeasherhopeofusbeingtogether
recedes.I'dbestupidtothinkshe'sgivenupcompletely.Ifshe'sanythinglikeherdaughter,thengivingup
isn'tinhernature.Still,I'mgladthatthingsaregettingbacktothewaytheyneedtobe.
IdomybestnottotextAubrey.Iknewthatthequestionsshesentmedemandedaresponse.There
wasnowaythatIwasgoingtoletherthinkthattherewasanythinggoingonbetweenEulaandI.OnceI
gotthatoutoftheway,though,Ifeltitbesttodropcontactagain.Still,Idreamofher.
Therehasn'tbeenanightthat'sgonebysinceAubreycameovertomyhousethatIhaven'tgoneto
bedpleasuringmyselftothoughtsofhertightcuntwrappedaroundmycock.Mysexaddictionhasbeen
entirelyreplacedbyasecretinfatuationwiththenaughtylittlevixenwhosoughtmeoutsodesperately.
Ineverwashedthesheetsthatsheslepton.Likesomepatheticlovesickfool,Ieventuallyended
uptakingthemoutofthedirtylaundryandputtingthembackonmybed,thoughIwashighlydisappointed
whentherewasnoscentofherleftbehind.That'sbecauseshebathedwithmybodywash.Instead,sheleft
smellinglikeme.Thathasitsownsenseofprideattachedtoit,likeIhadsubtlymarkedhermineinmore
waysthanone.
Ican'thelpbutwonderifshestillthinksaboutme.Ifshepleasuresherselfatnighttothoughtsof
melikeIdotothoughtsofher.Justthinkingaboutherrubbingherswollenlittleclitandmoaningmyname
makesmydickstiff.SoItrymybestnottothinkaboutitunlessI'maloneandcantakecareofbusiness.
Fuck,keepingmyresolvetodropallcontactwithherisdrivingmeinsane.Sometimes,Ifeelso
fuckingweak.TherearemomentsthatIknowifshetextedmeI'drespondimmediately—ifsheaskedif
shecouldcomeover,I'dsayyeswithoutasecondthought.TherearemomentswhenIwanttobeburied
insideofhersobadlythatmycockachesfromit.
But I have to put that behind me, because I need to see logic. Her mother and I are business
partners.She'sofflimitstome.
MyyearningisonlymadeworsebythefactthatI'minnopositiontomoveon.Notreally.Idon't
thinkIhavetheemotionalcapacityrightnowtoformalovingrelationshipwithanotherhumanbeing.I'm
stillsoplaguedbythoughtsofsexandhoweasyitistogetwithoutcommitting.Istillneedtohealsome
beforeIcanlegitimatelythrowmyselfbackoutintothedatingpool.
AndsoI'matastalemate,goinghomeatnightlikesomelamelooserandrubbingmycockrawto
thoughtsofaneighteen-year-oldbeautywhoIcanneverhave.Fuckingpathetic.Butitiswhatitis.That's
myliferightnow.That'smyhell.
Astheweekdragson,Eulaseemstofallintoadepression.Shestopscomingbymyoffice.Inever
seehersmile.Despiteknowingthatit'sbestifIkeepmydistance,Istarttoworryabouther.She'sbeen
staying later and later every night, sometimes working well past the time that all of the staff leaves,
playingreceptionist,nurse,anddoctor.It'sodd,andI'mworriedthatpeoplearegoingtostartthinkingthat
we'realwaysopen.
Thursdayrollsaround,andIstopbyherofficeduringherlunchbreak,eventhoughIhaveapatient
waitingforme.EulaandInevertakelunchatthesametime.Thatwayitdoesn'tseemlikeourwaiting
roomstallsatanypointduringtheday.
“Heyyou.”Iknockonthedoortoheroffice.
Sheglancesupatmefromthesandwichshe'smunchingon.Whensheseesmestandingthere,her
facefillswithconcern.“What'swrong?”
“Nothing.IjustthoughtI'ddropby.”Istepinsidebutdon'tsit.
Shesighsinrelief,thenoffersmeasoftsmile.“Well,thisisanunexpectedtreat.”
Icansensetheglimmerofhopethatmyvisitismorethanwhatitis.ItkindofmakesmewishI
hadn'tcome.
“Ijustwantedtocheckonyou.You'veseemedkindofsullenlately.”
“HaveI?”Shebrushesastrandofhairawayfromherfacethat'sfallenfromherponytail.“It'sjust
beena...badweek.”
“Caretotalkaboutit?”Isitfinally.
“Don'tyouhaveapatient?”Sheglancestowardsthedoor.
“Theycanwait.Wearedoctors,afterall.That'spartofthejob,makingpeoplewaituntilthey're
sopissedofftheywanttoleave.”Ismirk.
Sheletsoutashortlaugh,whichmakesmefeelgoodthatI'mcheeringherupsomewhat.“Itrynot
tobethatkindofdoctor.”
“That'sbecauseyou'reabetterdoctorthanme.”
“That'snottrue.I'mjust...moreconsiderate.”Shetriestosugarcoatit.
“You're better than me, and you know it.” I roll my eyes at her playfully. We're silent for a few
momentsbeforeIspeakagain.“So,tellmewhat'sbotheringyou,”Isay,prayingtoGodshe'snotgoingto
launchintoaconversationaboutus.Thereisnous,butIfeellikeIshouldn'tbekickingherwhileshe's
downrightnow.
“It'sAubrey.”Sheshakesherhead,avertinghergaze.
Myheartspikesatthesoundofhername.Worryandlongingfillmeintandem.It'sastrangemix.
“Whatabouther?”Iaskhesitantly.
“Shemovedout.”
“What?”Thisnewsshocksme.
“We got into a fight a while back, and she left. I thought she was just going to go to her
grandparentsforanightandthencomeback,butshedidn't.Idon'tknowwhereshegotthemoneyfrom,
butsheendeduprentinganapartment.”Hereyeswellupwithtears.
Partofmewantstogocomforther,butIknowbetterthantotouchher.She'salreadymistakenmy
kindnessforaninvitationonce.Iwon'tmakethesamemistakeagain.
“I'msureshe'llgetoverbeingmadatyou.Youknowhowkidsare,”Itellherreassuringly.
“Iknow.”Eulawipesherfacewiththebackofherarm.“Iguess,I'mjustnotusedtobeingalone.
Overthepasttwoyears,I'vegottenusedtohavingheraround.It'snotlikeweevertalkedmuch,butjust
knowingshewastherewascomforting.”
“Itwillbealright.Alllittlebirdshavetoflythenesteventually.Youknewshewouldbegoingoff
tocollegesoon.Itwasonlyamatteroftimebeforesheleft.”Irunmypalmsacrossthearmsofthechair.
MythoughtshavealreadydriftedawayfromEula'sproblem,though.NowI'mthinkingofsomethingelse,
the fact that Aubrey isn't living in the same house with her anymore. It presents new possibilities that I
shouldn'tevenbethinkingabout.
“Iknow.Ijustneedsometimetogetoverit.”Shesniffles.“I'llbefineinafewdays,onceI've
hadsometimetoadapt.”
“So.”Isilentlycursemytreacherousmouthforchangingthesubjectsoselfishly.“Wheredidshe
move?Imean,it'snotanywhereshoddy,right?”
“No.”Shesnorts.“WhichiswhyIdon'tunderstandwherethemoneycamefrom?”
“It'saniceapartment,then?”Ipress.“I'mnotreallyfamiliarwiththecomplexesaroundhere.”
“She'sstayingatBrazilwoodEstates.”ShefinallydisclosestheinformationIwasseeking.
“BrazilwoodEstates,”Iparrot.
My girl sure has a taste for expensive things. Brazilwood Estates is one of the few luxury
apartmentsinthearea.It'sagatedcommunityrightoffofagolfcourse.It'salsoconvenientlyonmyway
home.
“Well,atleastyouknowshe'ssafethere.”Istand,readytotakemyleave.“I'msureshe'llcome
around.”
“Eventually.”Eulanods.“Wealwayssmooththingsouteventually.”
Ileavehertoeattherestofherlunch.
MypatientisfumingwhenIwalkintotheexamroom.Thankfully,it'sawoman.Acharmingsmile
andakindgreetingareenoughtomakeherangerfromwaitingmeltaway.Bytheendoftheappointment,
she'sshakingmyhandasifsheneverwantstoletitgo,thankingmeformytime.
Ispendtherestofthedaydoingmyjobandplanningmyafternoon.EverythinginmesaysthatI
shouldstayawayfromAubrey,butIjustfuckingcan't.Knowingthatshe'salone—thatsheandEulaaren't
ongoodtermsandthatIcangettoherwithouthermotherfindingout,Ijustcan'tstopmyself.
Andso,assoonasmyworkdayends,Idrivestraighttothecomplex,stoppingbytheofficefirst.It
takes quite a bit of coaxing and some bribery, but eventually I'm able to get the number of Aubrey's
apartmentfromthestaffaswellasthecodetotheaccessgate.
Shelivesonthethirdfloor,andItaketheelevatorup,thinkingofallofthefilthythingsIplanto
do to her when she opens the door to me. I've already crossed too many lines today not to take things
further.Besides,mycockisstrainingpainfullyinmyslackswantingtofeelherpussyclenchingaroundit.
Iknock,knowingshe'shome.IsawhercarintheparkinglotbeforeIcameup.Myheartthudsat
thethoughtofseeingheragain,atundressinghersweetlittlebodyandfuckingherraw.
Sheopensthedoortome,andhermouthinstantlyfallsagape.Ismiledownatherforafractionof
asecondbeforemyeyesflitpasthertotheguysittingonthecouch.It'slikesomeonepunchedmestraight
inthegut.Thejealousythatassaultsmeisinsurmountable.Itwrenchesallofmylogicaway.
“Whointhefuckareyou?”IsnarlasIpushpasther,addressingtheboy.
He visibly tenses, pushing back into the sofa as if he fears I'll attack him. He's a scrawny little
fuck.Itwouldbenocompetition.Hell,itwouldprobablyonlytakemeafewminutestobeathimbloody.
“Vash.”Aubreyclingstomyarm,pullingmeback.Ibarelyfeelheratmyside.
“I'mDavid,”theboystutters,thoughitsoundsmorelikeaquestionthanananswer.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Aubreyasksme.
“Icametoseeyou.”Ilookdownathercoldly.“Butobviouslyyoudon'tcareaboutthat,soI'lljust
go.”Iturn,realizingthisisabattleInevershouldhavelaunchedmyselfintoanyway.Iwastheonewho
abandonedher.Ishouldn'tbefuckingsurprisedthatshemovedonfrommesoquickly,thoughthatdoesn't
makeithurtanyless.
“Wait.”Shedoesn'tletmego.IdragheraboutafootbeforeIfinallystop.
“Youknowwhat?I'mjustgoingtogo.”Thekidstandsupfromthesofa.
Aubreydoesn'ttrytostophim.Hemakesawidesemi-circlearoundmeasifhefearsthatifhe's
anywherewithinfistdistance,I'mgoingtolayhimflat.MaybeIwould.Idon'tfuckingknowanymore.I
lostmyheadthemomentIsawhimsittinginherapartment.
Evenafterhe'sleftandthedoorisclosedbehindhim,Ican'tseemtocooldown.
“Areyoufuckinghim?”Ipointatthedoor.“Ishetheonethatyoufucked?”
“Vash,calmdown.”Aubreyholdsherpalmsouttomeasiftryingtosootheawildanimal.
“Iaskedyouagoddamnquestion.”Itakeasteptowardsher,toweringoverherintimidatingly.
Hernervousexpressioncontortswithanger,andshejabsherfingerintomychest.“WhatifIdid?
Youjustdroppedoffthefaceofthefuckingplanet.”
I blow out an exasperated breath, tearing my hands through my hair as I back down. “Shit's
complicated,”Itellher,loweringmyvoice.
“Shit'scomplicated,”sheparrotsinamockingtone.“You'reagrownassman.Itcan'tpossiblybe
thatdamncomplicated.”
“Listen,littlegirl.”Mytemperflaresagain.WhenItakeanothersteptowardsher,shesinksback
againstthedoor.“Youhavenofuckingcluewhat'satstakeforme.”
“Yes.Ido.”Shestandstallagain.“I'matstake.Andifyouhadanyinterestinme,youwouldn'tbe
suchanassholeaboutthis.”
Fuck,thisgirl.Ikindofwanttostrangleher,butIalsokindofwanttoputherovermykneeand
spankheruntilsherealizesthatthewholegoddamnworlddoesn'trevolvearoundwhatshewants.
“Itwasamistakecominghere,”IsaywhatI'mthinking.Thefilterbetweenmymouthandbrainis
gone.Everythingcomingoutnowisrawandhonest.“You'renotmatureenoughtohandlebeingwithme,
tohandlewhatitmeanstobewithme.”Ipusharoundhertogettothedoor.
She steps back, standing with her hands on her hips. “Maybe I am. Because if being with you
meansnotbeingwithyou,thenIdon'twantanypartofit.”
This surprises me. To be honest, I had expected her to chase after me as she has in the past. It
seemslikeshe'sfinallyhadenoughofmyshit.ButI'mdamnsurenotleavinghereuntilshefeelsherloss.
Iturnonher,wrappingmyhandaroundherthroatandpushingheragainstthewall.Herbackhitsit
withanoomph,butwhenshelooksatme,hereyesarestillhotwithanger.Iregardhercoolly,likeshe's
notworththeshitbeneathmyshoes.
“He'snevergoingtobeabletodotoyouthethingsthatIcan.”
“You may be right, but at least he's not a fucking coward,” she spits back, making me lose my
composurecompletely.
Ipressmybodyagainsthers,keepingmyfaceoverhershoulder,mymouthclosetoherear.Just
feeling her perky tits pushing against my chest makes my dick hard. I want to ravage her cunt so badly
rightnow,butI'mnotabouttosexuallyassaulther,especiallywhenI'mthisfuckingtickedoff.
“Yourememberwhenyourlittleprickofaboyfriendisburieddeepinsideofyou,thathe'llnever
beme.”Iseetheintoherear,tighteningmygriponherthroatuntilshewhimpersbeforelettinghergoand
startingtowalkaway.Ican'tevenstandtolookatherbeautifulfacerightnow.Ijustwanttogetaway
fromher.Drivestraighttothenearestbar,pickupsomeslut,andfuckherlikeI'mgoingtobreakher.
“Vash,wait!”Aubreylungesatme,wrappingherhandsaroundmywaist.“Don'tleave.”
“Getoff,”Ibarkather,peelinghertinyhandsfromaroundme.
“Vash,please.Iwasn'twithhim.Wewereonly—”Shechasesafterme.
Iopenthedoorandslipout,holdingitclosed.Shetugsagainstit,andIcanhearhercallingmy
nameontheotherside.Iwaituntilshestopspulling,untilIcanhearhersobbingloudly.ThenIleave,
feelingliketheassholethatIam.
Idon'ttaketheelevatorthistime.Ican'tgetawayfromherquicklyenough,soItakethestairstwo
atatime.WhenIclimbintomycar,IhazardaglanceupatAubrey'swindow.She'sstaringdownatme
throughthecurtains,herbodyshakingfromsobs,herhandpressedagainsttheglass.Shelookslikeagirl
who has just had her heart broken into a million pieces, and all I can do is drive away, angry that she
probablyfuckedthatkidrightbeforeIgotthere.
IfIknewwherehelived,Iwouldtrackhimdownandbeattheshitoutofhim.There'snodoubt
about that. I'm so angry and riled up right now that I just want to punch someone. Drinking has lost its
appeal. Everything inside of me screams for violence. And for that reason, I know that I shouldn't be
aroundpeoplerightnow.
Abouthalfwayhome,IstartquestioningwhyI'msofuckingupset.Iwastheoneinthewrong,after
all.Shepursuedme,andIjustlefther—actedlikeshedidn'tmatter.IhadnorighttogetasangryasIdid,
toactthewaythatIacted.TosaysuchnastythingsandlooklikeIwasthreateningviolenceagainstaguy
whodidn'tevenknowwhatwasgoingon.
BythetimeIgethome,I'mthinkinglogicallyagain.Well,somewhat.Igostraighttomywetbar
and pour myself a shot of bourbon. I follow it with a second shot, then a third. The alcohol takes hold
quickly,settlingme.ImakemyselfaCrownandcokebeforeheadingoutsidetositbythepool.Themoon
isjuststartingtoshowthroughtheclouds.IgazeupatitwhileIsipmydrink.Thenmyeyesfalltothe
water,andIthinkaboutallofthefunthatAubreyandIhadracingbackandforthandsplashingeachother.
Then I think about how she had approached me, ran her fingertips across my tattoos to confess that she
knewwhoIwas.Ithinkbeyondthat,tothewaythatsheactedwhenshewasleaving.Therewasalonging
inhereyes.Itwasn'tjusttofuckmeagain,buttobewithme.
Ilikeyou,Vash.Likereallylikeyou.Whenshesaidthattome,thelookinhereyes...itmademe
feelsomething.SomethingIhadn'tfeltinalongtime.
Igroanaudibly,pressingmyhandtomyforeheadasIleanbackinthelounger.MyGod,haveI
everfuckedup.I'vetriedtoburymyfeelings,pretendingthatIonlythinkaboutAubreybecauseIdesire
the pleasures of her body. Actions speak louder than words, though. The truth came out when I had my
ragefitatherapartment.WhenIcouldn'tquellmyangerandjealousy.
I'vefuckingfallenforher.
CHAPTERTHIRTEEN
AUBREY
Dust.That'swhatmyheartisrightnow.
IthoughtIhadgottenoverVash.IthoughtIhadputhimbehindmeliketherestofmylifewhenI
movedintomynewapartment.Ihadneverexpectedhimtoshowuphere.Andhistimingcouldn'thave
beenworse.
IknownowwhyIdidn'tfeelanythingwhenDavidwastouchingme.Iknowitbecauseallofmy
feelings are centered around one man. When Vash was holding me against the wall, when his face was
contortedwithsomuchhatredandanger,whenhespokethosedirtywordsintomyear,Istillwantedhim.
Iwantedhimtotakemedownonthefloorrightthereandfuckeverythingbetter.Iwantedhishandson
me,clawingatmeroughly.Iwantedhimtofunnelhisragerightbetweenmylegs.Iwantedtoholdhim
untilhewasnolongerangryandIdidn'thurtanymore.
Thispain.ThispainthatI'mfeelingrightnow.Ididn'tthinkitwaspossibletofeelanythinglike
thisforamanthat'sbeensodistant.
Once Vash has pulled out of my apartment parking lot, I push myself away from the window,
grabbingmyphoneandfiringoffabarrageoftextmessagesathim.
“Comeback.Please,comeback.It'snotwhatyouthoughtitwas.Davidmeansnothingtome.Let
meexplain.Onlyyou.It'salwaysbeenonlyyou.”That'sjustasnippetofwhatIsendhim.Iholdontomy
phoneforoveranhourtappingoutdesperateramblingsuntilmyeyesaresorefromlookingatthewords
andmyfingersarecramping.
There'snoresponse.Neveranyresponse.He'samasteratignoringme.
Whenmyphonechimeswithanotification,myheartleapsintomythroatonlytofallbackdownto
myfeetwhenIseethatit'sDavidwhohassentmeatext.
“Areyoualright?”heasks.
Idon't bother toanswer him. Becausehe means nothing tome right now.And even though Vash
isn'taround,Ifeeltheneedtoshowitbybeingdistant.
All I care about is Vash. My world revolves around him, and what a dark world it is with the
memoryofhisanger.
Ifallasleepcrying,butIwakewithstableemotions,somethingthatIcouldn'tseemtogetagrasp
onlastnight.Myeyesaredry.I'mfairlycertaintherearen'tanytearslefttocry.Isitupinbedandrecall
everydetailofthenightbefore,butoneaboveallstandsouttome.
Hecameback.
Heshowedupatmyplace.Ididn'thavetoseekhimout.
That means that he wanted to see me. That he does like me. Why else would he have come? I
nevergavehimmyaddress,sohehadtohavegottenitfrommymomorfoundoutsomeotherway.He
trackedmedownjustsohecouldseemeagain.AndhegotsuperpissedwhenhesawDavidsittingonmy
sofa.Notjustpissed,butjealous.Itwasasplainasday,infusedinbothhiswordsandhisactions.
Hecamebecausehewantedtobewithme.Andifallofthatwasn'ttell-taleenough,hehadsaid
thatIwastooimmaturetobewithhim.Thatmeansthathewasthinkingaboutit...beingwithme.
My heart feels hollow, but it's not without hope. I'm not going to mewl my day away like some
pathetic,helplessgirl.
Ilazyaround,notdoingmuchelsebesidesanalyzingeverythingIknowaboutbothofthemenin
mylife.Davidissweetandloving,butIdon'twanthiminaromanticway.Vashisatickingtimebomb
withanexplosivesexualappetite.Heseemsunstableandlikehedoesn'treallyknowwhathewants.Who
Ishouldbewithiscrystalclear,butwhoIwant...
VashhadsuchpassionwhenhebargedintomyapartmentandpracticallychasedDavidout.Foras
volatileasthesituationwas,I'dneverfeltmorewantedbyamanthanIdidatthatmoment.Ican'tpicture
Davideverdoingsomethinglikethat.Iftheirplaceshadbeenswitched,Davidprobablywouldhavejust
turnedhisnoseuptomeandwalkedout.ButVashfought.Evenifhedidn'tstayandclaimhisprize,he
madeitwellknownthathehadcomeforme.Thathedidn'twantanothermantouchingme.It'sprobably
whyIcriedsohard.Hemademefeelthings—thatheactuallycared.
AndIscreweditupbybitingbackathim.IfIhadjustcontinuedtotrytocalmhimdown.IfIhad
justtalkedreasonintohiminsteadofbeingabratandgettingangry,Iprobablycouldhavewokenupinhis
arms. I should have smoothed things over with him, told him then, instead of after the fact, that David
means nothing to me, and we might be together right now. Not just a fling, but working on a legitimate
relationship. Surely, he wouldn't have shown up if he cared that much about his partnership with my
mother.Hewaspursuingmeforonce,nottheotherwayaround.
Nowit'smyturnagain,Idecide.Peoplehavetoldmeallmylifethatyouneedtoworkhardfor
thethingsyouwant.Iwanttoworkforthis—forVashandmetobetogether.
So I put together a plan. It starts with sending text messages to Vash not infused with so much
emotion.Iapologizeforover-reactingbuttellhimthatIwasjustsoangrywithhimforbeingdismissive.
When he doesn't respond to my text messages, I show up at his house. The jerk-off refuses to open the
door,though,nomatterhowmanytimesIringthedoorbell.I'mjustabouttogiveuponhimcompletely
whenmymomtextsmetotellmethatshe'sgoingoutoftownforaconferencenextweekandasksifI'll
waterherplants.ThenIgetadeviousidea,mylastlineofoffenseuntilIconcededefeat.
Timeticksbyslowlyuntilmymomleavestown.Theverynextday,Ishowupattheirpracticefor
awalk-inappointment.It'saTuesday,andVashisprettybookedup,soIwaitnearlyanhourbeforeI'm
takenbackintooneoftheexamroomsbyanurse.
Shesmilespolitely,askingmewhatIcameinfor.
“Ineedapapsmear,”Itellher.
She takes my vitals and gives me a gown to change into before leaving. My heart races as I
undress, going over my plan in my head at least two dozen times before a lady I've never seen before
walksintotheroom.
“Hi,MissStark,”shechirpsatme.“I'mMilly,thenursepractitionerhere.I'llbeperformingyour
examtoday.”
“Nurse practitioner,” I parrot, shooting up from where I was lying on the exam table. “Where's
DoctorBlack?”
“DoctorBlackisbusywithanotherpatientrightnow.”Shepullsoutthestirrupsforme.
Ifurrowmybrow.“IwanttoseeDoctorBlack.”
“That'snotpossiblerightnow.”Millygivesmeasyrupysweetsmile.“IpromiseI'lltakereally
goodcareofyou.”
Ifoldmyarmsovermycheststubbornly.“Ifeeluncomfortablewithyoutouchingme.Idemandto
seeDoctorBlack.”
HersmilefadesassherealizesthatI'mnottakingnoforananswer.Shetakesastepawayfrom
me,hesitating.“Okay.Well,asIsaid,he'sbusyrightnowsoyoumighthavetowaitforawhile.”
“I'llwaitaslongasittakes,”Iinsist,thankfulthatIwon.
Shesimplynodsbeforewalkingout.IfVashthoughthewasgoingtogetawayfrommethateasily,
he'sgotanotherthingcoming.
CHAPTERFOURTEEN
VASH
Euladefinitelydidn'tapprovethis,IthinkwithagrinasIreadAubrey'schart.GoodGod,thegirl
isrelentless.Firstblowingupmyphone,thencomingtomyhouseandringingthedamndoorbelluntilI
hadaheadache,andnowthis.I'vecooleddownquiteabitsincethateveningatherapartment.Sensehas
returnedtome,andI'verealizedexactlywhyIcan'tseeheragain.BecauseIcan'tresistheranylonger.
Becauseoneword,onelook,onetouch...itwouldmakemecompletelyfallapart.She'ssofuckingcloseto
owningmethatshedoesn'tevenknowit.Ormaybeshedoes.Maybethat'swhyshewon'tgiveup.
There'snowayI'mgivingherthisexam,though.NotthatIthinksheactuallywantstheexam.She
probablyaskedforitjusttoenticeme.
It's not going to work. If Eula looks at Aubrey's chart and sees that I gave her a pap smear, she
won'tjustdestroyourpartnership.She'llprobablycutmydickoff.Evenifthereweren'tthisweirdthree-
waysexualtensionbetweenus,shewouldlikelyfinditinappropriate.That'shalfofthereasonwhywe
hiredanursepractitionerearly,sothatwe'dhavesomeonetogivethesetypesofexamstofemaleclients
whowouldn'tbecomfortablewithamanlookingatthem.ThatandtofillthevoidwhileEulaisawayat
theconference.
Aubrey must have known that her mother was going. Eula had told me that they were finally on
speakingtermsagain,thoughtheconversationsbetweenthemwerefewandfarbetween.
“Nicetry,kiddo,”IsaytomyselfwithasmirkbeforehandingAubrey'schartofftoMilly.
Millyisstillnew,soshe'sover-fucking-joyedwithanyworkIgiveher.Shetakesthechartfrom
melikeit'sthehighlightofherday,thendisappearsintotheexamroomwhereAubreyiswaiting.Igoon
totendtomynextpatient,andafewmomentslater,there'saknockonthedoor.Millypokesherheadinto
theroom,callingmeoutsideforaminute.Ipolitelyexcusemyselfandfollowher.
“MissStarkisdemandingtoseeyou,”shetellsme,lookinglikeshe'safraidImightgetangryat
her.
Iscowl.“DidyoutellherI'mbusy?”
“Yes,sir.”Shenods.“Sheinsistsonwaiting.”
Isigh,tearingmyhandthroughmyhair.Thisgirl...Idon'tknowwhatthefuckI'mgoingtodowith
her. I have a feeling that if I send Milly back to tell her no, she's just going to cause a scene. Maybe I
shouldfacethisheadoninsteadofcontinuingtotrytohidefromit.
“Fine,”Isayfinally.“I'llbethereassoonasIcan.”
“Alright.”Herfacebrightens.“I'llgotellher.”
“No.”IcatchMillybeforeshehasachancetoturnaway.“Don'ttellher.Shecanaffordtowait.
Gotendtoanotherpatient.”
Shegivesmeaqueerlookbutthenhumsinagreementandcontinuesonherway.
TheleastIcandoismakethelittlebratwonderifI'mgoingtoshowupornot.
IfIdidn'thaveamile-longlineofpatientsbehindher,Iwouldhavetakenmysweettimewrapping
upmycurrentappointment.Asitis,Ican'tsparetheminutestobevindictive.Ifinishtreatingmypatient,
walk him to the receptionist, and then make a beeline for the exam room that Aubrey is waiting in. My
heartthudsuncomfortablyasIapproachthedoor.Imakesuretostillmyexpression,lookingtheperfect
image of professional before I knock twice, wait for her to say it's alright for me to enter, and then
carefullyslipintotheroom,closingthedoorbehindme.
WhenIturnaround,Aubreyislyingallspreadout,herfeetinthestirrups.Sheregardsmewitha
wolfishgrin,“Goodmorning,DoctorBlack.”
“Aubrey.”Icoughintomyhand,tryingdesperatelytokeepmyfocusonthetaskathandinsteadof
thinkingaboutsex.Knowingthatherlegsarespreadbeforeme,thatinonlymomentsI'llhavemyfingers
inhersweettightpussy...Fuck.HowamIevergoingtomakeitthroughthis?
ItakeaseatonthestoolandflipthroughherchartlikeIhaven'treaditalready.Somuchfornot
wastingfuckingtime.IneedtogetaholdofmyselfbeforeItouchherthough.
“Whenwasyourlastpelvicexam?”Iask.
“I'veneverhadonebefore.Yousee,Iwasavirginuntilrecently,”shetellsmeinnocently.
Iswallowhardasmyeyesflitupfromthecharttomeethers.Bigfuckingmistake.Thelookshe's
givingmemakesmycocktwitchcrudely.Icanfeelmypulseineverypartofmybodythatitshouldn'tbe.
Ilickmylips,prayingforsomeself-restraint.“When'sthelasttimeyouhadsex?”
“Whenyoufuckedmeupagainstthewallinyourhouse.”
JesusfuckingChrist.ItfeelslikeIcan'tbreathe,Iwanthersobadly.Thepervertedthingsshe's
saying only drill away at my resolve. And the worst part is, she knows exactly what she's doing. She
knowshowtogettome,andit'sworking.
I turn away from her, taking a few quick breaths, my eyes darting all over the walls as if I'm
lookingforawaytoescapetheroom.“YourmotherwouldkillmeifsheknewIwasgoingtogiveyou
thisexam,”Isay,hopingforhermercy.
“Shedoesn'tknow.”
“Shewillknowwhenshereadsyourchart.”Iliftituptoher.
“Keepitontherethatthenursepractitionergaveittome,”shesayssweetly.
“Iplanto.Hopefully,Millywillkeepherdamnmouthshut.”
“Youmighthavetobribeher,”there'ssnarkinhertone.
“MaybeIwill.Whateverthecase,weshouldfinishthisupsoyoucangetonyourway.”Iputona
pairofglovesandstartgettingmytoolsready.
Be professional. You're a doctor; you've done this a hundred times before. She's no different
thananyofyourotherpatients.
Irepeatthatasamantraoverandoverinmyhead,waitinguntilI'vecalmedbeforeIfinallyturn
around.Idon'tevenmakeeyecontactwithAubreyasIgettoworkontheexam,explainingthingstoher
asIwouldanyotherfemalepatientwhileprayingtoGodthatshedoesn'tsayanythinginappropriateto
makemefeelanymoreuneasyandarousedthanIalreadydo.
EverythinggoessmoothlyuntilIputmyfingersinher.AssoonasIslidethemintoher,sheletsout
abreathymoanthatmakesmeweakintheknees.
“Whatareyoudoingnow,doctor?Ireallylikeit,”Aubreypurrs.
“It's called a bimanual exam. I'm checking for abnormalities,” I tell her matter-of-factly,
wonderingifshehasanyideahowfuckingbadlyshe'storturingmebymakingmedothis.
“Youcouldprobablycheckdeeperifyouputyourdickinmeinstead.”Shekeepshereyeslocked
onmyface,butIcan'tevenlookather.
Ipullmyfingersoutofher,atmyabsolutelimitofwhatIcanhandle.Desperately,Imakeonelast
appealtohergoodsense.“Aubrey,wecan'tdothis.”
“Youknow,I'vealwayshadasecretfantasyabouthavingsexinadoctor'soffice,”sheignoresme,
her eyes dancing around the room in wonder before settling back on me. “Could you prescribe that for
me?Ithinkit'sthetreatmentIneedrightnow.”
Itaketheglovesoffandthrowthemintothetrashbeforeholdingmyhandsuptoher.“I'mdone.I
can'tdothisanymore.”
Sheshootsupintoaseatedposition.“Butdoctor,youhaven'tgivenmemybreastexamyet.Don't
thinkIdidn'tresearchthisbeforeIcame.”
Iinhalesodeeplythatmychesthurtsfromthebreath.IwanttogogetMillyandtellhertofinish
theexam,butthatwouldlookodd.Besides,Idon'tknowhowAubreywouldreactifItriedtoleave.She
hasmebackedupagainstawall.I'matmybreakingpoint.Myresolveisallbutgone,andeverymoment
spentinthisroomwithherisdrivingmetodosomethingIknowI'llregret.
IfIputmyhandsonheragain,itwon'tbeprofessional.
“Whatdoyouwantfromme,Aubrey?”Iask,thestrainofthepainI'mfeelinginsideplaininmy
voice.
“Whydoctor,”shedrawsherhanduptoherchest,“whateverdoyoumean?Ijustcamehereforan
exam.”
“Stopthebullshit.”Irollmyeyesather.“That'snotwhatthisisabout.”
Herdemureexpressiontwistsintoafrown,andshedropsherhandtohersidetosupportherself.
“Youknowexactlywhatthisisabout.”
“DoI?”Iplaycoy.
“Youcametomyapartmenttheothernightbecauseyouwantedtobewithme.Idon'tknowwhy
you'refightingthissohard.”
“YouknowwhyI'mfightingit.”Igiveheraseriouslook.
“Youdon'tdenythatyoucametomyapartmentbecauseyouwantedtobewithme,”shepointsout.
Fuck.Igiveup.She'swon.
“No,Idon'tdenyit.”Ideflatewithabreathysigh.
Aubreysmilestriumphantlybeforelyingbackontheexamtable.
“Whatareyoudoingnow?”Igroan.
“Finishtheexam,Doctor,”hertoneissugarysweet.
Isurrendertherestofmyresolve,allowingmydefeattomakemeaslavetomydesires.Thisis
abouttobethemostinappropriateexamI'veevergivenapatient,andIdon'tfuckingcareanymore.All
thatmattersittouchingher.Spreadingherpussywithmycock.Claimingher.
Iapproachthesideofthetableandpromptlygettoworktearingthepapergownoffofher.She
lets out a small gasp, but I can see the lust in her eyes. If her cunt weren't drenched in lube, it would
probablybewetwithexcitement.IusethegowntowipebetweenherlegsbeforeItossitintothetrash,
becauseI'dprefertofeelhernaturaljuiceswhenIslidemydickintoher.That'snotgoingtobeentirely
possible,though,withoutcleaningheroutfirst,andIhaveotherprioritiesrightnow.
Onceshe'snakedbeforeme,Istepupbesideherandgropeoneofherbreastswithbothhands,
continuingtheexam.
“Isthishowyou'dreallydoit?”sheasks,seeminggenuinelyfascinatedbyhowI'mtouchingher.
“Yes. But don't worry, I promise I'm going to fuck you,” I say almost spitefully. “I just want to
makesureyou'realright,first.”
“Suchagooddoctor,”shepurrs,wigglingslightly.
Ikindofwanttoslapthatsmugexpressionoffofherprettylittleface—getroughwithherlikeI
normallywould.Butifwe'regoingtofuckinherethenweneedtobequietaboutit.Ican'tdoanything
thatwouldmakehertoovocal.Thechallengeiskindofexciting,makingherneedmesobadlythatshe'sa
shiveringmessbeneathmybodywhileatthesametimekeepingherrelativelyshushed.
IletmyhandslingeronherbreastslongerthanIeverwouldanactualpatient.Myfingerssplay
across them, pinching her nipples. She hisses slightly, her back arching off the chair. I watch her
expressionasItouchher,thinkingthatthishastobethesexiestthingI'veeverseeninmyentirelife.Her
bodyissoyoungandtight,hercuntpinkandglistening.HernippleswerebeadedlongbeforeItouched
them.Ipinchthembetweenmythumbsandforefingers,givingthemagoodtug.Shewhimpers,andIplace
afingerovermylips,showingherthatsheneedstobequiet.
Shenods,bitingherbottomlip,givingmethemostseductivelook.MyheartisinmythroatasI
feeltheundeniablepullshehasoverme.ItoldmyselfthatIwouldn'tkissher.ThatifIdid,itwouldmean
thatshemeanttoomuchtome.Ican'tstopmyselfthough.
Myhandfindsitswayintoherhairandballsintoafist.Idrawhertome,mymouthmeetinghers.
Ourlipscrashtogether,andshereciprocateseveryounceofpassionthatIfeedintoher.Shemoansinto
my mouth, her small hands wrapping around me and clawing at the back of my shirt. My cock strains
painfullyfromthetasteofher,andIworrythatthere'sgoingtobeawetspotonthefrontofmyslacks
before this is all over. I know come is leaking from my slit just from the excitement of being with her
again.Shehasthatmuchfuckingpoweroverme.
“Ohmy,”shesighsasIfinallybreakfreefromthekiss.
“What?”Iask,notreallycaringabouttheanswer.
“ThatwasfarbetterthanIeverdreameditwouldbe.”
“Thekiss?”Iletoutashortlaugh.
“YouhavenoideahowmuchI'velongedtotasteyourlips.”Shebrushesanindexfingerovermy
bottomlip,andIfeelatremorofneedrollthroughme,jettingstraighttomycock.
“I want to taste something else.” I let go of her hair and round the table, kneeling on the small
footstoolattheendofitandimmediatelyflickingmytongueoutatherclit.
Herbreathhitchesandshebitesbackamoan,herheadfallingtotheside.
“That'sagoodgirl,”Itellher.“BeniceandquietwhileIeatyoutoorgasm.”
The tip of my tongue makes torturous circles around her cleft. I lap at her little bud, feeling it
becomemoreengorgedbeneaththebladeofmytongue.Mylipswraparoundit,kissingandnibblingand
sucking. I can hear her heavy breathing, a tiny moan escaping her every now and then, though she does
welltokeephervocalizationundercontrol.
Ipullmymouthawayandslidetwofingersintoher.Sheclenchesaroundmedeliciously.Myother
handrubsherclit.Whenshereachesuptogropeherownbreastsandteasehernipples,IknowIhaveto
seehercome.Mymouthdescendsbackontoher,engulfinghersweetness,andIfingerfuckheruntilher
bodysurrenderstome.
Shegroansheadilyasherpussysqueezesaroundmyfingers,herclitthrobbingbeneathmytongue.
It feels fucking amazing to have her come all over my face and hand, like she was made for this. Like
we're so perfectly aligned with one another that nothing else matters. Knowing that I can give her this
pleasure,it'sthebestfeelingintheworld.
Ipullmyfingersoutofheranddrinkherwetness,movingthemdowntoteaseatthetightridgesof
her asshole instead. My mouth fills with the taste of pussy and lube, the latter not anywhere near as
welcome. I penetrate her deeply with my tongue, trying to consume everything that's not her. I want her
bare beside our combined juices, so I suck and slurp until I can't taste anything but her. She writhes
beneathme,herbodysensitiveanddemanding.
“Ohmygosh,Vash,”shebreaths.Justhearingmynameonherlipsisthesweetestsound.Iwant
moreofit.Wanthertosayitagainandagain,asifit'stheonlywordsheknows.
Ilickherfromassholetoclitafewtimesbeforekeepingmyfacelowtofocusontheunexplored
territory. I saved her ass the first time we were together. I was so entrenched in enjoying her pussy the
secondtimethatIforgotaboutit.Thistime,allbetsareoff.It'stoofuckingtempting,herlyingherespread
outtome.
Ipressmytongueinside,thetightmusclesgivingresistance.Ifsheminds,Ican'ttell.Shemoans
allthewhile,rubbingherselfandwrithing.Oneofthehandsthatwaspullingonhernipplemovesdown
toteaseherclitwhileIeatherass.She'ssodamnhotthatIcan'thelpbutstartstrokingmyselfovermy
slacks.
“JesusChrist,you'resofuckingsexy.Ican'twaitanymore,”ItellherneedilyasIrisetomyfeet,
myhandhurriedlyworkingtopullmycockoutofmypants.
Itspringsoutfullyerectandreadyforaction.Justseeingherspreadoutandwantonbeforemeis
almost enough to make me nut. I need to move carefully, or I'm going to lose my shit and embarrass
myself.
Asiftochallengeme,Aubreyreachesout,grabbingmydickandjerkingit.Itossmyheadback
andmoan,feelingmylengthpulsebeneathherfingertips.Ibuckintoherpalm,myhandcasuallyreaching
togropeherbreast,stimulatingherwhileshestimulatesme.
I pinch her nipple, and she pulls me forward, though it's not rough enough to hurt. She rubs my
glansbetweenherfolds,andIaboutdiefromthesheerpleasureofit.Nothingintheworldcouldstopme
fromfuckinghernow.ThewholestaffplusEulacouldwalkrightin,andIwouldn'tevenhesitate.
Ipushforward,mycockslippingintohertightlittlechannel.Itfeelslikeheavenswallowingme
up.Herthighsarespreadsowideforme,herpussywellpresented.Shewasmadetobefuckedjustlike
this.Onlybyme.Justlikethis.
I buck into her, and we both moan. She grinds on my cock, unable to hold herself back. It's so
fucking sexy. I wish we were at my house so that we could do this for hours. As it is, I know that I'm
runningoutoftime.
I'vealreadybeenintheexamroomwithherlongerthanIshouldhave.Mystaffaregoingtostart
wonderingwhat'sgoingon.Ican'tstopthough.IneedthisjustasmuchasIneedtheairthatIbreathe.
Mybodyfeelsdesperatetofilleverypartofher,butIknowthatIcan't.There'snotenoughtime.I
needtoenjoythisforwhatitis,aquickie.I'llclaimherasslater.Andtherewillbealater.There'sno
doubtinmymindaboutthatnow.Ican'tdenymyselfanymore.Iwantthisgirl.Wanttobewithher.Want
tomakehermyeverything.I'lldestroymylifejusttohaveher.
I savor every second that I'm inside of her, keeping my hips tilted so that I can watch my cock
enter her. I pull out with nearly every thrust, so turned on by seeing our connecting parts that I know I
won'tlastmuchlonger.Thiswholetimehasbeenatestofcontrol.Ican'tevencountthenumberoftimes
thatI'vealmostcomeallovermyselfsinceIfirstwalkedintothisroomandsawherlyinghere.Butthat
controlisalmostgone.Ineedtoletitgoforthesakeofbusiness.
Fuck.WhydidIpushhertocomehere?Whycouldn'tIhavejustnotbeenastubbornassholeand
openedthedoorwhenshevisitedmyhome?ThenIcouldhavefuckedherforaslongasIwanted.Thisis
just torture. Torture because I know that after I come, I still won't have had enough of her. She's like a
drug,worsethananyaddictionI'veexperienced.
“Is your greedy little pussy ready to soak up my seed?” I ask her, thinking momentarily about
grabbingacondombutfeelingtoofuckingselfishtopullout.
“Mhm.”Shelicksherlips,noddingsoftly.“Fillmeup,Doctor.”
I consider making an injection pun, but I refuse to ruin the moment for both of us. Instead, I
squeezehertithardandpickupthepace.Shehisses,herheadfallingback,herblondecurlscascading
over the side of the table. Thankfully, the damn thing is stable. It doesn't even make a sound as I pump
hardagainsther.
Aubrey's breathing grows ragged, and I hear her breath hitch at the same time that her pussy
clampsaroundmelikeavice.IcursewaylouderthanIhadintendedasmyballsstarttodrainintoher.
“Ohfuck,”shepants,writhingagainstme,hermusclescontractingasifshe'stryingtomilkmedry.
“That's right, baby. Come all over my dick. Suck me in until you're so full that you're
overflowing.”
Ipushballsdeepintoheragainandagain,makingsurethatshe'spumpedfullofmyjuices.The
feelingofmycockswellingandspurtinginsideofherhotchanneliseuphoric.Iwantnothingmorethanto
staybetweenherlegsforever.
Idon'thavethatluxury,though.Neitherofusdoes.
Ishudderouttheremainderofmypleasurebeforesteppingawayfromher.Herpinkpussylipsare
niceandswollenandspread,andIcanseemyseedleakingfromherslit.Iswipemyfingersacrossthe
trail,thenforcehertosuckthem.
“That'sagoodgirl.Tastethelovelymesswe'vemade.”MyGod,I'mcompletelyundone.Thisgirl
isgoingtobethefuckingendofme.
Sheslurpsthewetnessfrommyfingersasifit'sthebestfuckingthingshe'severtasted.Mydick
instantlyhardensagainfromseeinghowgreedyherlittlemouthis.Everybitasgreedyashersoakedcunt.
“Fuck,Aubrey,”Iwhisper,pullingmyhandawayandstuffingmycockbackinmypants.
Shegrins,pleasedthatshegotherwaywithme.“You'resobad,butyouknowthatIloveit.”
“Obviously.”Icastaglanceatthedoor,wonderingifanyoneheardus.
“You'regoingtotextmeafterthis,right?I'mnotgoingtoneedtohuntyoudown.”Shepullsher
feetoutofthestirrupsandhugsherkneestoherchest.
“I need some time to think about shit.” Like how we're going to get around unseen when I'm
business partners with her mother. Everything has worked out fine so far, but it's only a matter of time
beforewe'recaught.Ineedtofigureouthowwe'regoingtohandlethatbeforeithappens.
“You'vehadlotsoftimetothinkaboutthings.”Shehopsoffofthetableandtakesafewtissues
fromthecountertocleanbetweenherlegs.
Igrabherbythewristtostopher.Shegivesmeapuzzledlook.
“No,”Itellher.
“No?”sheparrots.
“You're going to walk out of here with my scent on you. With my seed between your legs, your
pantiessoakedwithit.”
Sheblushesadeepred,andIpullherintomyarmsandkissherlikeImeanit,becauseIdo.Ikiss
her with all of the desire I still feel for her after we've had sex. I kiss her to let her know that I'm not
runningawayanymore.BythetimeI'mdone,she'sbreathlessandflustered.
Ismirkather,givingherassagentleslap.“Nowgetdressedandgetoutofhere.Youobviously
don't need to pay since your mother works here, too.” I turn to leave, pausing before opening the door.
“Oh,andspraysomeperfumeifyou'vegotit.Thisroomsmellsliketwopeoplefuckedinitlikecrazy.”
I think about her shocked expression, not even needing to turn around and see it to be satisfied
beforeIwalkoutoftheexamroom,herscentonmyskin,thesweettasteofherlingeringonmylips,and
thoughts of her so deeply penetrating my mind and heart that I know I'll never feel whole without her
again.
CHAPTERFIFTEEN
AUBREY
I'm happier than I've been in a long time. What happened in that exam room was absolutely
amazing.ThingswentexactlyasIhadplannedthem.Well,notexactly.IdidhavetroublegettingVashto
seeme,andhedidn'tfallintomyarmsrightaway.Butbythetimeweweredone,Iknewthatthingswould
bedifferentthistime.Somehow,Ijustknewit.
Ispendtherestofthedayinadreamlikestate,apermanentsmileplasteredonmyface.IhumasI
cleanmyapartment,wantingittobeperfectforwhenVashinevitablystartscomingover.We'llbedating
soon. A real couple. I don't want him to think that I'm a slob. I want him to see me as wife material,
becauseIdesperatelyhopethatsomeday...
Thedoorbellrings,breakingmeawayfrommythoughts.
Icheckthetimeandthenpracticallyhopfromjoy.Vashisofffromworknow,andmyapartmentis
onhiswayhome,sothatmeanshemusthavethoughttostopby.Ican'twaittohavehishandsonmeagain,
tobeabletotakeourtime.I'llmakehimdinnerandwe'llwatchmoviestogetherandthenI'lltakehiminto
mybedroomandwe'll...
IfeelnaughtyforeventhinkingaboutallofthethingsIwanthimtodotome.
Iopenthedoor,preparingtoleapintohisarmslikesomeditzyschoolgirl.ButwhenIseeDavid
standingontheotherside,allofmyhappinessmeltsintoapoolofdread.
“What are you doing here?” I nearly hiss at him, then immediately regret it. The guy has done
nothingwrong.
Intruth,I'vebeenkindofabitchtohimeversinceVashshowedupatmyapartmentandtheywere
introduced in the most awkward of ways. David isn't a dense guy. I imagine he put the pieces together
ratherquickly.He'stextedmeafewtimes,butnowherenearasfrequentlyashetypicallydoes.
“Canwetalk?”Helookspastmeintomyapartmentasifhe'sscaredhe'llfindVashthere.
Iglancebackattheclockandscrewmyface,wantingtosendhimaway.IfVashfindshimhere,it
won't be pretty. In fact, it might ruin everything. But guilt at the way that I've acted, at how I never
apologizedforwhatwentdownthatnight,makesmelethimin.
“Howhaveyoubeen?”Iask,myvoicestrained.
“Existing,Isuppose.”Hecouldn'tsoundmoremelancholyifhetried.
Whenhesitsonthesofa,Idon'tfollowhim.Isimplystandwithmyhandsonmyhips,lookingas
impatientforhimtosayhispeaceandleaveasIfeelinside.
“Thatdoesn'tsoundlikemuchfun.”Irockonmyheels,tryingtowardawaysomeofmyanxiety.
“Well,ithasn'tbeenhorrible.Atleast,I'mstillbreathing.”Heoffersmeasoftsmile.
“So,whatdidyouwanttotalkabout?”Itrytorushhimalong.
Hehesitates,hiseyesfallingtothecoffeetableashesearchesforwhathewantstosay.Hetakesa
deep breath, then stalls before finally speaking. “That guy that was here the other night. Is he... I mean,
howdoyouknowhim?”
I take a deep breath, trying to find a way to explain things to him that won't hurt so badly.
“He's...someoneimportanttome.”
“Important,”heparrots.“IthoughtIwasimportanttoyou,”thewordnowsoundsmocking.
Iexhaleandmyshouldersslump,feelingguiltassaultingmeagain.“Youareimportanttome.Just
adifferentkindofimportant.”
Davidarchesaneyebrow.“Adifferentkindofimportant?Likethekindyouwanttodatebutdon't
wantyourfriendsfindingoutabout.”
I'mtakenabackforamoment.Itappearshehasmymeaningallwrong.MystomachclenchesasI
realizeI'mgoingtohavetospellthingsoutforhim.
Ilickmylips,avertingmygaze.“Thatguy.Thatman,”Icorrectmyself,thoughI'mnotsurewhyit
feelsimportanttocallVashaman,“heandI...wehavesomethingtogether.”
“Sodoyouandme,”hequicklypointsout.
“Yeah.”Ishiftmyweight,cringingathowIknowthiswillsound.“Butwithhim,it'sdifferent.”
“Differentasinhow?”Hestaresatme,demandinganswers.
“IhavefeelingsforhimthatIdon'thaveforyou?”Iconfessfinally.It'sliketheboulderoftruth
that I've been carrying for so long just got about twenty pounds heavier before finally rolling off of my
shoulders.
Davidopenshismouthtospeak,butnosoundcomesout.Myheartfeelswrenchedfrommychest
ashestandsandwalksaroundme.I'mtoomuchofacowardtostophim.Toopathetictoapologizefor
havingledhimon,forseeingthembothatthesametime.
He pauses before he reaches the door, casting a glance over his shoulder. “So that's it then,
betweenyouandme?”
Igruntandnod,tooscaredthatI'llgetemotionaltospeak.Orworse,thathe'llaskmorequestions.
BegandchasemelikeIdidwithVash.
Davidisn'tme,though.Heknowsthereareotheroptionsoutthereforhim.HeknowsthatI'mnot
thelastgirlintheworld.Andforthat,I'mglad.Still,ithurtshoweasilyhe'swillingtodropmeafterall
thetimehe'sspentwantingtobewithme.ButIsupposethat'sthewayitgoesonceamanhassexwitha
woman.I'mnolongerworthchasing.
“Ihopehemakesyouhappy,Aubrey,”isthelastthingDavidsaysbeforehewalksout.Andforas
muchasIhatemyselfforlettinghimgettome,itmakesmyeyeswater,andforthefirsttimeever,Ifeel
likeIlostsomethingbynothavinghimaround.
Mygoodmoodprogressivelydeclinesthroughouttherestoftheevening.Thoughitshouldcome
as no surprise to me, Vash doesn't stop by. That was just another fantasy conjured by a lovesick girl's
brain. He doesn't even text me, and it makes me wonder if I made a big mistake by allowing David to
walk out of my life. I could have lied to him, could have skirted around the fact that there's something
between Vash and I. But it wouldn't have been fair for me to keep stringing him along. He deserved to
knowthetruthforbeingmyfriendthroughalloftheseyears—forbeingagenerallywonderfulperson.
As I lie in bed at night looking up at the ceiling wondering what Vash is doing, I try to remind
myselfthathedidsayheneededtimetothinkthroughafewthings.WhatdoesthatexactlymeaninVash
language,though?Wasthatjustanotherwayforhimtoblowmeoff?Hislackofcontactmakesmefeel
uncertainabouthistrueintentions.Ican'thelpbutthinkthatI'vebeendupedbyhimagain,thathejustsaid
whatheneededtosaytoplacatemeandmakemedisappearforawhile.It'sadishearteningthought,butI
need to stop being blinded by my feelings for him and open my eyes to the fact that it's a very likely
possibility.
I wake the next morning feeling much better emotionally. And by much better, I mean that I've
decidedtoletafewdayspassandseewhathappens.Obsessingoveritisn'tgoingtomakeVashtextme
anysooner.Hesaidheneededtime,andsoI'mgoingtogiveittohim.Timeisaweek.Ifhedoesn'ttryto
contactmewithinaweek,thenI'llknowI'vejustbeenplayedagain.
IeatabowlofcerealforbreakfastandsettleinfrontofthetelevisiontowatchNetflix.It'snot
longafterIeatthatIstartfeelingnauseous.
Fuck,Icaughtabugfromgoingtothedoctor'soffice.Luckjustisn'tonmysiderightnow.
Idon'tthrowup,butthenauseastayswithmeformostoftheday.ItakesomePeptoBismal,butit
doesnothingtohelp,whichisstrangebecauseit'salwaysworkedbefore.Alittleafternoon,thenausea
goesaway,andIfeelfineagain,thoughIdon'thavemuchofanappetiteafterthat.
Irelishmystrongimmunesystemanditsabilitytokickthevirusquickly,notthatIhadanything
importanttodotoday.
Thefollowingday,thesameillnesstakesholdofmeshortlyafterIeatanddisappearsaroundthe
sametime.Again,overthecounterstomachmedicationoffersnorelief.Istartbecomingsuspiciousthatit
mightbesomethingelse.
Tomorrow,I'msupposedtostartmyperiod.Whenthesamesicknessplaguesmeandmymonthly
visitor decides to take a vacation, I really start to panic. I rush to the drug store to buy two pregnancy
tests,notwillingtowaituntilthenextmorningtotestwithmyfirstpeeoftheday.Iwanttoknownow—
rightnow—sothatIcanstopfreakingout.
MyheartpoundsasIpeeontheurinestick.WhenI'mdone,Isetthetestonthebathroomcounter
andstareatit,waitingforthedisplaywindowtogivememyresults.
Afewsecondslater...
Pregnant.
Iwaitthefullthreeminutes,buttheresultsdon'tchange.Bythetimethethreeminutesareup,I'm
mewlingquietly.LifeasIknowitisover.
Isitinthebathroomforclosetoanhourjustfeelingnumb.TherearetwothingsIknowforcertain
right now. One, that I got pregnant either the first or second time I had sex, which is the crappiest luck
ever.Two,thatI'mgoingtokeepthebaby.
But I also know that deciding to have this baby is not without consequences. I'll probably lose
Vash. He was apprehensive to even get into a relationship with me, and to be honest with myself, after
threedaysofnocontactwithhim,I'mprettysurehe'sjustblowingmeoff.IfItellhimI'mpregnant,he'll
likelyeitherdenythatit'shisortrytoconvincemetogetanabortion.Idon'twantthat.Idon'tevenwant
tohavetodealwiththat.Andforthatreason,I'mnotgoingtobothertellinghim.Imayneverhavehim,
butatleastI'llhaveapieceofhim.Forever.
Thelifewe'vecreatedisfarmoreimportantthananymanevercouldbe.Despitemyinitialfear
andhorroratfindingoutthatI'mpregnant,I'msettlingintothefactthatIlovethislittlepersongrowing
insideofme.Wealreadyshareabondthatnooneonthefaceoftheplanetcancomebetween.
Whilemyneedforsupportmakesmewanttoreachouttomymother,Iknowbetterthantodothat.
IfItoldherthatthebabywasVash's,notonlywouldshebepissedatmeandfeelbetrayed,butitwould
causetroublebetweenthem.Theydon'tdeservetohavetheirbusinessmessedupovermymistakes.Well,
maybeVashdoes.He'sfiftypercentresponsibleforthis.MaybeabitlesssinceIpursuedhim.
I hug myself, feeling sorrow for the fate I've brought onto myself. This is not how things were
supposed to turn out. This was never how they should have been. If I had just followed my father's
teachings, been a better Christian, then I never would have gone to that auction. Surely, this is God
punishingmeforbeingsuchasinner.
Ababyisneverapunishment,Iremindmyself.ThenIwonderifmymotherthoughtsimilarthings
whenshefoundoutshewaspregnantwithme.Exceptformymomwasneverreallyreligious.Andher
firstthoughtwasofejectingmefromherbodyasquicklyaspossible.Iscowl,gladI'mnotlikeher.
Icouldgotomygrandparentswiththis,butIdon'twanttohavetoexplainthings.Theywouldn't
settle for anything less than the truth, and the truth would break their hearts. Not to mention, it would
definitelygetbacktomymother.
So,IdecidetodowhatIthinkisbest.Idecidetodisappear.TomovetoNewYorkearlyandhave
thebabyinsecrecy.Itwillbehardtodoitallalone,butthemoneythatIhavewillhelpme.We'llbejust
fine.
IwaituntilthenextmorningandaftertakingthesecondpregnancytestbeforeIsettoworkputting
myplanintoaction.Igototheapartmentofficeandnegotiatewiththemtoleaveearly.They'llmakeme
payforeverymonththatmyapartmentisempty,butoncetheyleaseittosomeoneelse,Iwillbereleased
from my financial obligation. It's a sucky situation, but I'll have to except it since they don't allow
subletting.
Withthatsettled,IgetonlineandleaseanotherapartmentinManhattansightunseen,thenhirea
movingcompanytorelocatemythings.Igotothelocalstoragefacilitytobuyafewboxestopackthe
smallamountofstuffthatIhave.Bytheafternoon,I'monmywaytoNewYork—onmywaytostartmy
newlife.
CHAPTERSIXTEEN
VASH
IhadhopedthatafewdayswithoutcontactwithAubreywouldhelpmetogetmyheadbackon
straightlikeitalwayshasbefore.Thistime,though,itdoesn'tworkatall.Everymorning,Iwakewishing
shewasbymyside.Everynight,mybedfeelswoefullyemptywithoutherpresence.Ican'tevenescape
herwhenIgotowork.Thatexamroom...everytimeIwalkintoitIseeherlyingthere,legsspreadand
readyforme.IthinkofhowshefeltwhenIpressedinsideofher.Ithinkoftheundeniabledesperation
thatcoursedthroughmewhenourlipstouched.
Thisgirl...Sheownsmenow,andthere'snothingIcandoaboutit.Iwoulddestroymyworldjust
tobewithher.AndI'mgoingto.It'ssimplyaquestionofwheretotossthematchtodotheleastamountof
damagewhenIstartburningthingsdown.
PartofmewantstobeacowardandleavedealingwithEulatoAubrey.They'rerelated,afterall.
Eulawillprobablygoalotgentleronherthanshewouldonme.
I huff at the thought. That's likely hoping for a bit too much. Their relationship isn't exactly
conventional.Ididn'tevenknowthatEulahadadaughterforthelongesttime,andsincefindingout,things
betweenthemhavebeenshaky.
There'snogoodreasontoburdenAubreyanyfurtherbyputtingthisonhershoulders,too.She's
been through way too much lately, and if I'm going to be any kind of good man for her, then I shouldn't
makehersufferanymoreformyselfishness.
I'llhandlethismyself.I'lltellEulathetruth,atruththat'shardtoevenadmittomyself—thatI've
fallenhardforherdaughter.ThatI'dratherbewithAubreythancontinuepursuingourdreamtogether.If
Eula can't accept that, then she can buy out my half of the business, or I'll sell it to someone else.
Whateverthecase,I'lldisappearfromherlifetomakethingseasierforher.ButI'mnotleavingAubrey.
That'snon-negotiable.Idon'tcarehowslightedorbetrayedEulafeels.
OnceI'vesettledonmycourseofactionandcommittedtoit,ItextAubreytoletherknowthatI
plan to approach her mother and tell her the truth. Well, most of it. She doesn't need to know about the
auction. I'm going to tell her that our romance started on the night that Aubrey came over alone to go
swimming, that we shared a mutual attraction and we've been secretly dating ever since. It's a bit of a
stretch, but it protects us both from Eula thinking we're horrible people...which we might be to some
degree.Atleast,Iam.
I feel nervous as I wait for Aubrey's response. It's been a few days since our tryst in the exam
room.SheprobablythinksI'mtryingtoignoreheragain.Shemayevenbeplanninganotherwaytogetto
me,Ithinkwithasmirk.Tenacious,thatone.Andit'spaidoff.I'veneverbeenchasedbyanyonequitelike
her.She'saspecialgirl.Sweetandbeautifulandkinky.MyGod,Ican'twaittohaveallofthisoutinthe
opensothatwecanfinallybehappytogetherandnothavetofeartheconsequences.
Minutes pass, then hours. I grow impatient as I watch my phone throughout the day. There's no
response. I scowl, thinking that she's probably pissed at me for not texting her earlier. That's
understandable.I'vehandledthispoorlyifI'mbeinghonestwithmyself.Ishouldhaveneverhesitatedto
chase her, but there was just so much at stake. Surely, she'll understand that if I explain it to her again.
Hell,atthispoint,I'mwillingtobegtogetbackintohergoodgraces.
I'vepushedherawayonetoomanytimes.Nowit'stimeformetobethepursuer.Ifshe'ssuddenly
decided that she no longer wants to be with me, I'll take her tenacity and double it. I'll drown her in
flowersandgifts.TextheruntilshewishesI'djustdisappear.I'llshowherwhatapainintheassshe's
beentome.Thebestkind.Andwhenshefinallyrelents,whenshefinallyletsmein,I'llfuckhersogood
thatshe'llbemineforever.
Buttoday,I'mgoingtostartbydroppingby.Hopefully,thatprickthatwastheretheotherdayisn't
over. I don't share. I will seriously fuck up his face if we cross paths again—show him who Aubrey
belongsto.Justthinkingaboutthepossibilitythatshecouldhavegonebacktohimmakesmeflamewith
jealousy. There's no fucking way. Why would she want him when she could have me? It just doesn't
fuckingmakesense.Iwon'tacceptit.
By the time I get to her apartment, I'm geared up for a fight. What has this girl done to me? I
wouldn'tbelikethiswithanyoneelse.It'slikeI'vedevolvedintosomecaveman,readytobeatupmy
competition,clubherovertheheadanddragherbacktomysexcave.Thinkingaboutitmakesmelaughto
myself,butitdoesn'tchangethefactthatthat'sexactlywhatI'lldoifIhaveto.
Itakeadeepbreathandpoundonthedoortoherapartment,hopingthatI'mover-reacting.When
shedoesn'timmediatelyanswer,Ibeatthedoorharder.ThenIstandtherelisteningfornoisefrominside.
Silence.
IwalkbacktotheparkinglotandlookforAubrey'scar.It'snowheretobeseen.Fuck.
Isendheratextmessageaskingwheresheis,tellingherthatI'llcometoher.Whenshedoesn't
respond,Icampoutinmycarinfrontofherapartment.Shenevercomeshome,whichmakesmeworry.I
thinkaboutcallingEula,butthatwouldseemtoosuspicious.Besides,Idon'twanttocarryoutmyplan
untilI'vecleareditwithAubreyfirst.ThelastthingIwantistomakehermoretickedoffatmethanshe
probablyalreadyis.
Ipassoutinmycarwaitingforher,wakingupearlyinthemorninginapanicbecauseIstillhave
togotowork.Hercarstillisn'tintheparkinglot.Idrivehometoshowerandchangerealquickbefore
headingtowork,draggingassbecauseI'msofuckingtiredfromnotgettingagoodnight'ssleep.
IfIlooklikeshit,Eulalookstwiceasbad.Hereyesareredandpuffyasifshe'sbeenupallnight
crying.She'smovingslow,herstepsalmostdragging.
Webarelysaymuchtoeachotheruntiltheendoftheday.Foronce,she'snottakinglateafternoon
walk-ins,whichmeansthatsomethingmustbereallywrong.Ipopmyheadintoheroffice,knowingthat
I'm going to end up asking about Aubrey. It might make Eula's day even worse, but I don't fucking care
anymore.Ineedtoknowwheremygirlis.
“Hey.”Idragmyselfintoherofficeandsitinthechairacrossfromherdesk.
“Hey.”Sheregardsmeabsently.
“Youlooklikeyou'vehadaroughday,night,etcetera.”
“Sodoyou.”Sheoffersmeaweaksmile.
“Caretotalkaboutit?”
She wets her lips, her eyes volleying around the room for a moment before settling on my face.
“Youfirst.”
Isuckinabreath,notsurewheretostart.“Youlooklikeyou'rehavingaworsedaythanme.How
aboutyougofirst?”
“It'sAubrey,”shefinallyconfesseswithagroan,hershouldersdrooping.
“WhataboutAubrey?”Myattentionperksfromthementionofhername.
“IthinkIreallydidsomethingtopissherofforsomething.”Eulacradlesherheadinherhands.
“Whatdoyoumean?”Isitontheedgeofmyseat.Whatfightcouldtheypossiblyhavegotteninto
thistime?
“I don't know. She just sent me a text late last night telling me not to come to her apartment
anymore.Thatshe'snotthereandwon'tbebotheringmeanyfurther.Idon'tknowwhat'sgottenintoher.
Wehaven'tfoughtrecentlyoranythinglikethat.
“When I asked her what she meant, she wouldn't respond. I talked to her grandparents, but they
said they haven't heard from her. I called David, that boy she was seeing, but he said he doesn't know
anythingaboutiteither.Thathesawherafewdaysagoandsheseemedfine.
“Ihaven'tbeentoherapartmentyet,butI'mgoingtostopbyonceIleavehere.Maybeshe'sjustin
amoodandfeltlikefreakingmeout.Youknowhowkidsare.”
My heart drops as I process her words. Saying that she won't be bothering her mother any
further...itsoundslikeAubreyhasfallenintoadeepdepression,andit'sprobablymyfault.
“Let'sgo.”I'monmyfeetinaninstant.
“Gowhere?”Shegivesmeaqueerlook.
“ToAubrey'sapartment.Fromwhatyou'resaying,shemighthavetriedto...”Idon'tevenwantto
thinkaboutit.“Comeon.I'llgowithyou.”
“Whywouldyouwanttogo?”shesoundssuspicious.
“BecauseIcare.”Morethanyoucouldpossiblyknow.“Let'sgo.”
I follow Eula to Aubrey's apartment, pretending I don't know where it is. When we get there, I
rememberthatshewasn'thomeallnight.Atleast,hercarwasn't.
Ipound on herapartment door again,hoping that our collectivevoices will lureher out if she's
inside.Whenshedoesn'tanswer,IdragEulatotheapartmentofficetodemandthatsomeonegoandopen
thedooronsuspicionthatAubreymighthavetriedtocommitsuicide.
“Thegirlinapartment2305movedouttwodaysago,”we'reinformed.
“Movedout?”Eulaasks,hermouthagapeforamomentbeforeshegetsthewordsout.“Wheredid
shego?”
“Didsheleaveaforwardingaddress?”Ispeakoverher.
“She did, but that's confidential information.” The girl manning the office gives me a coy look.
She'sthesameoneIdealtwiththeotherday.Iknowthattheinformationcanbeboughtfromher.
I open my wallet and take out a few bills, not even counting them before handing them over.
“Makeitlessconfidential.”
“Vash!”Eulastaresatme,knowingthatwhatI'mdoingisillegal,thoughIdoubtshe'sungrateful
forit.
ThegirlgrinsfromeartoearbeforelookingintoAubrey'sfileandbeltingouttheinformation.I
savetheaddressinmyphone.Eulajuststandstherelookingshocked.
“New York. I don't understand. Where did she get the money to do this? And without anyone
knowing...”hervoicetrailsoff.
I don't care why. All I know is that I have to get to Manhattan as quickly as possible. I have to
knowwhat'sgoingonwithmygirl.
***
I feel like a lunatic, mad with concern, desperate to make things right. Whatever is wrong, I'm
convincedthatIcanfixit.I'mnotevensureiftheaddressthatAubreygavetotheapartmentcomplexis
real,butI'llchasehertotheendsoftheearthifIhaveto.She'snotgoingtogetawayfromme.Ihaveguys
thatIcanhiretotrackherdownifsheendsupnotbeinginNewYork.
ItellEulanottoworry,thatI'msureAubreywillbealright.ThenIaskherifsheandMillycan
cover my appointments tomorrow because an emergency came up and I need to go out of town
immediately.Idon'telaborateonwhatthatemergencyis,thatI'mmoreconcernedaboutherdaughterthan
sheis.ThatI'mwillingtogetonaplanerightawaytofindher,whichisexactlywhatIdo.
I'm wrought with exhaustion by the time I reach Manhattan and the address I had saved in my
phone.ThisapartmentisatoweringfarcryfromtheluxuriousoneAubreywasstayinginbefore.Ifsheis
here,Icanonlyassumeshe'sdecidedtotrytosavemoney,forsomereason.
Iknockonthedoor,expectingastrangertoanswer.Ifthatdoesendupbeingthecase,I'llfinda
hotelforthenight.ThenI'lltakethenextflightbackhometomorrowandcontactoneofmyfriendswho'sa
privateinvestigator.IcouldwaitforAubreytostartfeelingguiltyandtellhermotherwheresheis,butI'm
too fucking impatient. I need to see her as soon as possible so that I can tell her how I feel about her.
Maybethatwillbringsomepeacetohertumultuouslife.
Light footsteps approach the door and then it opens. I look into the face of an angel, and relief
floodsthroughme.Aubrey'sexpressionispureshock,hermouthhangingopenasifherjawisbroken.I
don't give her time to recover before I step forward and pull her into my arms, burying my face in her
curlsandinhalingherscent.Shesmellslikeflowersandeverythinggoodintheworld.Aubreyclingsto
me,hertinybodysmallagainstmine.Theembraceisshort-lived,though.Tomysurprise,shepullsaway
fromme,avertinghergaze.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”sheasksalmostcoldly.
“What do you think I'm doing here?” I barge into her apartment as if I'm afraid there will be
anotherguywithher.There'snot.Justfurnitureandboxes.“Icametofindoutwhatinthehellmadeyou
movehalfwayacrossthecountry.”
Sheshutsthedoorbehindus,stillrefusingtolookatme.“Youdid,”shesayssoftly.
“Idid?”Iquirkmyheadback.“Babe,ItoldyouIneededafewdaystothink.Afewmeansmore
thanoneortwo.”
Sheletsoutabitterlaugh.“Afewdays,huh?”Aubreyhugsherselfprotectively.“Itdoesn'tmatter
anyway.Youwereright.Wecan'tbetogether.”
Myheartplummetsfromherwords.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“You and my mom. The practice. But that's not all.” She shakes her head. “I'm not a dumb little
girl, Vash. I know you don't really want me. I'm no good for you. Too young. Not established. I have
nothingtoofferyou.You'rebetteroffwithsomeoneyourownage.
“Because of what we've done...Because of what I felt for you, things will never be the same. I
neededtogetawaysothatyouandmymomcanhaveyourownlifeandIcanstartfresh.Ijust...couldn't
bearounditanymore.Thisisforthebest,”sheinsists.
“Baby,no.”Iapproachher,placingmyhandsonhershoulders.Itdoesn'tworktodrawhereyesto
me.
“My mom likes you, Vash. You two should be together. It makes so much sense.” The first tear
cascadesdownhercheek.
Iplacemyfingersbeneathherchin,tippingherfaceuptome.“Idon'twantyourmother.”
“It doesn't matter.” She pulls away from me, turning her head so far to the side that I worry her
neckmightsnap.“Wecan'tbetogether.Likeyousaid,it'stoocomplicated.”
AsoftsmileplaysacrossmylipsasIthinkabouthowstubbornsheis.“Doyouhaveanyideawhy
IflewacrossthecountrythesecondthatIheardyouwerehereinNewYork?”
“No,”shemumbles.
“BecauseIloveyou,Aubrey.BecauseI'minlovewithyou.”
Thatgetsherattention.Sheletsoutatinygaspbeforehergazelockswithmine.Iwaituntilshe's
completelyfixedonmebeforeIrepeatthewordsagain,meaningthemwholeheartedly.“Iloveyou.”
Her eyes brim with tears. She's never looked more beautiful than she does right now,
overwhelmedbyemotionsfrommyconfession.Shepressesherfaceagainstmychest,fallingintoafitof
heavysobs.Iholdheragainstme,strokingherhairwhilesheshiversandshakes.
“What'swrong,baby?”Iaskinmymostsoothingvoice.
“Everything,”shechokesout.
Mybodytensesfromtheword.Itwasn'twhatIwasexpectingatall.
Igripherbytheshouldersagain,myeyesscanningherfaceforananswer.Oncemore,shewon't
lookatme.“Whatdoyoumean?Tellme,Aubrey.”
“You won't love me anymore if I tell you.” She whimpers before pulling out of my grasp and
takingafewstepsovertothesofabeforecollapsingontoit.
“Talktome,love.”I'mathersideinaninstant,takingherhandintomine.
Whenshefinallylooksatme,herexpressionisabsolutelyheartbreaking.
“I'mpregnant,”thewordsarebarelyaudible,buttheycarrymoreweightthanatanker.
“Mine?”Ifeelhorribleforasking,butIknowshesleptwiththatotherguy.
Shesimplynods.
I'mstunned,lessfromthenewsandmorebythefactthatitdoesn'tbothermeatall.Ifanyother
womaninmypasthadtoldmethis,I'dberunningintheotherdirection.Idon'tfeellikerunningthough.In
fact, I'm actually kind of happy. Realizing that I connect it with the thought that Aubrey is mine forever
onlyconfirmsmydeepfeelingsforher.
“Alright.Sowe'regoingtohaveababy,”Itellherlikeit'snobigdeal.
Shesnifflesbeforecautiouslyglancingupatme.“You'renotmad?”
“WhywouldIbemad?”Iletoutashortlaugh.
“Becauseyou...”shehesitates.
“IfyoutellmeIdon'tseemlikefathermaterial,I'mgoingtoputyouovermylapandspankyou.”I
giveherawarninglook,thoughit'scompletelyplayful.
Aubreysmiles,whichmakesmyheartleapwithjoythatI'mtakingatleastsomeofherpainaway.
“Youmeanyoudon'twantmeto...getridofit?”Shecringesattheimplication.
Iplacemyhandonherstomach,marvelingatthethoughtthatmysonordaughterisinside.“No,I
don't.Iwantthis.IthinkI'mreadyforit.”
“Youare?Withme?”Sheseemssouncertain,italmostmakesmefeellikeshedoesn'twantit.
“Whywouldn'tIwantachildwiththewomanIlove?”
“Butmymom.Yourbusinesspartnership...”
Iwavethethoughtaway.“Don'tworryaboutit.Ifyouhadansweredmytextmessages,Iwould
haveexplainedtoyouthatI'vedecidedtoselloffmypartofthebusinessifyourmothercan'tacceptthat
we'retogether.”
“Butitmeanssomuchtoyou.”Thewayshelooksatmespeaksvolumesabouthowmuchofan
inconvenienceshefeelslike.
Itakeherhandsanddrawthemuptomylips,givingthemagentlekissacrosstheknuckles.“But
youmeanmore.”
Thefloodgatesopenagainasshepracticallyleapsintomyarms,sobbingandthankingJesusatthe
same time. I'm not sure where religion came into this, but I decide to accept it, rubbing her back and
savoringthefeelofherbodypressedagainstmine.
“Everythingwillbeokay,”Itellher.“Onewayoranother,we'llgetthroughthis.You'recoming
homewithmetomorrownight,andwe'llfigureeverythingouttogether.Alright?”
Shenodsbutdoesn'tletmego,andforthefirsttimeinaverylongtime,Ifeelwhole.
CHAPTERSEVENTEEN
VASH
We lie on Aubrey's bed, kissing and giggling like the two happiest people in the world. Maybe
becauseweare.
Itdoesn'ttakelongbeforeshe'sclawingatmyshirt,though.Hermouthmovesaggressivelyontop
ofmine,herfingersgoingtoworkunbuttoningmyshirt.Iknowwhatshewants,andIloveherurgencyto
getit.I'mhalfconvincedthatshe'sinsatiable,thatsheneedsmycockaboutasmuchassheneedstheair
thatshebreathes.
“At least we don't have to worry about condoms anymore, not that I think you ever did.” She
smirksatme.
“Hey.”Igiveherawarninglook.“Ithoughtaboutthem.Youjustgotmetooexcitedtobebothered
withthem.Icouldn'twaittobeinsideofyou.”Iclipherbottomlipbetweenmyteethandgiveitagentle
tug,spurringhertomaulmeagain.
Aubreypushesmeontomyback,crawlingontopofme.Igrabthehemofherblouse,pullingit
overherhead.Todayshe'ssportingadarkpurplebralette.Itwouldmakeherappearyoungandinnocent,
buthertitsarebarelycontainedinthething.Myfingersitchtoripitoffofher,butIrefrain.Tonight,I
wanttobegentlerthanInormallywouldbe,becauseshe'snotjustmygirlfriendnow,she'sthemotherof
mychild.AndIwanttoshowherwhatthatmeanstome—showherthatI'mnotgoingtobeaselfishprick
anymore.ShowherthatIcanbekindandslow.ThatI'mnotjustaone-trickpony.
Isituptotakemyshirtofftherestoftheway,tossingitontothefloorbeforeIwrapAubreyinmy
armsandrollsothatshe'sbeneathme.HerhandsexploremybodyasIkissher.There'sasensualityto
hertouchthatmakesmefeelthingsbeyondthelustrisinginmypants.It'slikeI'mlookingatherforthe
firsttime.ThethoughtthatIalmostlostherstillstings,butthatwillgoawaysoonenough.
Ikissdownherstomachbeforeunfasteningandpullingoffherjeans.WhenIspreadherlegs,Ican
see that her panties are soaked. I press my face to her V and inhale her scent. She smells sweet and
delicious,thescentcausingmydicktothrob.
MymouthwhispersdownherinnerthighbeforeIpullthecrotchofherpantiesasideandgiveher
clitatenderkiss.Aubreymoansandarchesherback.Ismirkatheroverhermound,thinkingabouthow
demandingherbodyisbeforeIgiveherwhatshewants,mytongueburiedbetweenherfolds.
Shetastesbetterthanshesmells.Ifocusonherclit,thoughmytonguedipsoccasionallytodrink
fromherwellofpleasure.Shekeepsherheadtiltedback,whimperingandmoaningandsayingmyname.I
kiss and nibble and suck until she shudders and comes all over my face. Then I pull off her panties,
wantingherbare.
She takes off her bralette with desperation, then sits up to unbuckle my belt. I try not to seem
amusedasIwatchherworkatundressingusboththerestoftheway.HerneedissogreatIcanalmost
feelitfillingtheroom.I'mshowingrestraintbycomparison,notthatIdon'twantitasmuchasshedoes.
My pants aren't even all the way off before she has my dick in her hand. I start to tell her that
blowingmeisn'tnecessary,wantingtonighttobeallabouther,butwhensheflicksherlittletongueoutto
tastemeandthenwrapsherlipsaroundme,Iloseallwords.Iliebackonthebedandlethergototown
onme.Mycockissoswollenthatshecan'tfititallin,soshefocusesonmytip,bobbingwhileonlygoing
abouthalfwaydownonmyshaft.Tomakeupforherlackofreach,shestrokesmeoffwhileshesucksme.
Itfeelsamazing,thoughtheurgetoberoughwithherisstillthere,toforceherdowntherestoftheway
andmakeherchokeonmydick.
Restraint,Vash.We'remakingloveforonce.Notfucking.Youhaveyourwholelifetofuckher
likeyouwant.Tonightisspecial.Tonight,youshowherthatyoucanbeeverythingshe'lleverneed.
Sheseemswildlyhungryformycock.Imoanandsqueezetheglobesofherasswhileshesucks
melikeshe'sstarving.Mypre-seedleaksout,paintingherlipswhensherubsthemovermyglans.Ishiver
fromthesensitivityofit,mydicktwitchingcrudelyandgrowingevenbigger.
Aubreytriestotakemeallthewaytothebackofherthroatbutdoesn'tquitemakeittothehilt.
Whenshechokes,andherthroatvibrateagainstmyhelmet,Iaboutloseit.
“Fuck,Aubrey.Becareful,”Iwarn.
Shetakesitasasigntodoitagain.Whenshepressesherselfdownasecondtime,Ilosesomeof
myresolve,fistingmyhandinherhairandpullingherbacksothatIdon'tnutinhermouth.Iwanttodo
thatsomeday,justnottonight.
Shegivesmeahurtlook,hertongueswipingacrossherbottomlip,tastingthewetnessleftbehind.
Icanfeelmybloodpumpingonoverdrive,andabeadofmypre-comeleavesmyslittodribbleoverher
hand.Fuck,I'msoclosetotheedge.
“You'regoingtomakemefuckingcome,”Itellher,throwingmyheadbackandstaringupatthe
ceilingbecauseIfeellikeevenlookingathergorgeousnakedbodymightdomein.
Aubreygiggles.“Iwanttomakeyoucome.”
“Notyet.Iwanttobeinsideofyouwhenithappens.”
Shekissesmystomachbeforegivingmeawickedgrin.“We'renotinanyhurrytonight.I'msure
you'vegotitinyoutogotwice.”
Thensheimpalesherselfonme,andthesecondmyglanshitsthebackofherthroat,Ishootoff
likeateenageboygettinglaidforthefirsttime.Theorgasmissostrongthatitmakesmystomachclench.I
curl my fingers into her hair, a litany of curses falling from my lips as I release down her pretty little
throat.
Shesucksandswallowsanddoesn'tletupuntilmyballshavestoppedpumpingmyseedintoher.
Bythetimeshe'sdone,Ifeeldrainedinmorewaysthanone.Ican'tfuckingbelievethisgirl.
“You'resofuckingbad,”Itellherwhenshefinallycomesoffofmydick.
“Ilearnedfromthebest.”Shebeamswithpridebeforecuddlingagainstmychest.Iwrapmyarm
aroundherandkissherontopofherhead,wonderinghowIgotsodamnlucky.Inhindsight,goingtothat
auctionwasoneofthebestdecisionsI'veevermade.
Evenaswelietogether,herhandneverleavesmydick.ShestrokesmelazilyuntilI'mhardagain,
andthesecondthatIam,shecrawlsontopofmelikeapro.Iwatchherinamazementasshepositions
herself,pressingmyglansagainstheropeningbeforeslidingdownontome.Hereyesrolltothebackof
herheadasshetakesmein,andIgroanfromthetightnessofherbodysqueezingaroundme,thoughIalso
silentlycursemyselfforallowinghertotakethereigns.Tonightissupposedtobeallabouther,yetshe
seemshellbentonmakingitallaboutme.Butifthisiswhatshewants,thenwhoamItodenyher.
Iholdontoherassandstartthrustingupintoher.Sheimmediatelybeginstomoan,keepingsteady
asIfuckhercunt.Herbodyfeelsheavenly,andthesightofhertitsbouncingismorethanIcouldhave
asked for. Her sweet mouth says, “Yes,” with every buck of my hips. I can feel my balls reloaded and
readytoshootintoheragain,butI'malotmorestablethistime,alotlessdesperatetocome.I'mgoingto
fuck her until she doesn't think she can handle anymore, and then I'll keep going until all she can do is
climaxandcrymyname.
I pause to take a breather, and we do a power swap. She bounces on top of me, her pussy
devouringmeeverytimeitgoesdown.Ikneadmyfingersintotheglobesofherass,squeezingharderthan
Iprobablyshouldinmyfutileattempttobegentle.Shewhimpersbutdoesn'tstop,herlipsstillsingingthe
praisesofourcoupling.
“That'sagoodgirl,”Itellher,givingherassagentleslap.Shefeelssohotwrappedaroundmy
dick.
WhenIreachbetweenherlegstorubherclit,sheshattersimmediately,herbreathstillingasher
contractionsmilkmycock.Iinhalesharply,enjoyingtheride.ThisiswhereIwouldhavelostitifIhadn't
comeearlier.Theimpossibletightnessofhercuntwhenitclampsaroundmealmostdemandsmyrelease.
Ihavebettercontrolnow,though.
Aubreyclimbsoffofme,andIexpectustoswapplaces.Instead,sheturnsaroundandmountsme
reversecowgirlstyle.Shewastesnotimeslippingmebackinside,grindingonmelikeshewantstofeel
mydickineverypartofher.
“Fuck,your cunt isso tight.” Iwrap my arms aroundher, grabbing herbreasts and pinching her
nipplesassheworkshermagic.
“Oh,itfeelssogood.”Shebouncesafewmoretimesbeforeherbodygivesovertoexhaustion
andshestills.
Itaketheinitiativetobuckmyhipsagain,pumpingsorapidlyintoherthatthefrictionaboutsends
usbothovertheedge.
“Faster.Harder,”shepants.
I jackhammer into her, my fingers aggressively squeezing her breasts. She slips a hand between
her legs, and I can feel her rubbing her clit. Within seconds, she climaxes again, and I exhale heavily,
keepingupthepacetofuckhermusclestoatrophy.
“Don'tstop,”shetellsmeasherorgasmplaysout.
IpumpintoheruntiltherearenomorecontractionsleftandI'mcompletelyoutofbreath.Thenshe
sitsupandleansforward,huggingmyknee.Mycockisstillhardinsideofher.Aubreyrestsherheadon
myknee.
“Areyoualright?”Iask,concerned.
“Betterthanalright.”Icanhearthesmileinhervoice.“ThisisexactlywhatIneeded.”
“Itseemstoalwaysbewhatyouneed,”Iteaseher.
“Andwhataboutyou?”Sheturnstome.“Isn'tityourturntogetoff.”
“Itis.”Inod,feelingbold.“Iwantsomethingdifferent,though.”
“Different.”Shegivesmeaqueerlook.
Islapherass,urgingheroffofme.Whensheclimbsoff,Igrabherbythehips,directingheronto
herhandsandknees.Maybetonightisn'tgoingtobeallabouther.Fuckit.WhoamIkidding,I'maselfish
asshole.Alwayshavebeen.Alwayswillbe.
“Whatareyougoingtodo?”Shebrushesastrandofhairbehindherearassheglancesbackatme.
“Yourass,”Ireplyplainly.“It'syouronlyfirstthatIhaven'ttaken.”
Aubreybitesherbottomlipbutdoesn'tprotest.
I wet my fingers in my mouth before tracing the tight ridges of her unclaimed hole. She tenses
almostautomatically.
“Relax,baby.Itwon'thurtasmuchifyoujustletithappen.”Ipushmyindexfingeragainsther
opening.Herdoorwaygivesresistance,butiteventuallyletsmein.Themusclestherearesotight.Thisis
goingtofeelfuckingincrediblewhenit'smycockinsteadofmyfinger.
I push my index finger in knuckle deep and Aubrey groans, pressing her chest to the bed and
stickingherasshigherintheair.Mycockthrobsatthesightofit.IknowIwon'tbeabletoresistmuch
longerbeforeneedingtobeinsideofheragain.
Iprobeslowlybackandforthforalittlewhilebeforeaddingasecondfinger.Herbodydoesnot
wanttostretchforme,butIgiveitnochoice.
“Itfeelssofull,”shewhispers.
“It's going to get a lot fuller when it's my dick.” I bite back my need to be aggressive with her,
knowingthatonceI'minside,Iprobablywon'tbeabletostopmyself.
“Iwantyoutohaveeverypartofme,”shesayssweetly,makingmyheartswellwithprideandmy
cockswellwithlust.
IgiveherafewmoresecondstoadjusttothesensationofhavingherasspenetratedbeforeIpull
my fingers out and line up behind her. I press in slowly. She's so fucking tight that I'm worried I might
havetospendmoretimegettingherwarmedup.Persistencepaysoff,though,andwhenmyglansfinally
popsinside,webothhissfromit.
“JesusfuckingChrist.”Itakeadeepbreath,knowingthatIwon'tlastlongonceI'mallthewayin.
She'stootight.Almostpainfullyso.Butthebestfuckingkindofpain.
“Oh,it'smorethanIthoughtitwouldbe,”sheconfesses.Ihopeshemeansinagoodway.
“I'mgoingintherestoftheway,”Iwarnher,givingheranopeningtobackouteventhoughIthink
itmightkillmeifshedid.
“Alright.”Shetremblesslightlyasshebracesherselfforimpact.
Iwrapmyhandsaroundherhipsandforcemyselfintherestoftheway.Herasspressesaround
mesotightlythatIcanfeeleveryveininmycockpulsingagainstherinnerwalls.Aubreyletsoutatiny
whimper,andIbendovertokissherback,showingherthatIappreciateherlettingmedothis.Ithastobe
abitoutsideofhercomfortzone,butIknowshewouldneverdenymeanything.It'spartofwhyIloveher
somuch.
“Areyoualright?”Iask,andshenodsinreply.
Veryslowly,Istartthrusting.Thefirstbuckofmyhipsmakeshergasp,butit'snotlonguntilthe
soundsshe'smakingcontortintosomethingrecognizable,somethingthatresemblespleasure.Iwaituntil
I'mcertainthatshe'snotinpainbeforepickingupthepace.
I close my eyes and savor the feel of her tight body, the euphoric bliss of knowing that I'm
penetrating yet another one of her holes where no man has ever been. It makes me feel like I own her
completely—thatthisbeautifulgirlwillalwaysbemine.
“OhVash,itfeelsbetterthanIthoughtitwould.”Aubreypressesherfaceagainstthecomforter,
pushingherhipsbacktogreedilysuckmoreofmein.
“Fuck,baby.Ifyoukeepdoingthat,I'mgoingtonut.”It'sbothaninvitationandawarning.
Insteadofpressingbackagain,sheclencheshermusclesaroundme.Ipumphardagainstthem,but
it'snouse.Thesqueezingsensationistoomuch.Mybreathhitchesasmycockgivesin,sprayingintoher
ass.Ipushallthewayintothehilt,buryingmyselfsodeeplyinsideofherthatIworryImightbepainting
her intestines with my seed. The way her body tenses is a good indication that it hurts, but she doesn't
complain.ShesimplystaysthereonallfoursandtakesitasIfillherasswithmybabybatter.
Oncemyorgasmhasplayedout,Ipulloutandwrapmyarmsaroundher,draggingherdowntothe
bedinmyembrace.Aubreyplacesherhandsontopofmine,nuzzlingagainstme.Ikissherneck,gettinga
mouthfulofhairthefirsttimebeforeIgentlybrushitawaytoreachherskin.
“Thatwasamazing,babe,”Itellher,fullymeaningit.
“It always is.” She hums happily, and I'm thankful that she's not upset with me for getting a bit
rougherthanIhadintended.
“Italwayswillbe,”Ipromise,pullinghercloser.
“So,”shetwistsinmyarmstofaceme,“nomorerunningfromeachothereveragain?”
“No.”Ismileather,soakinginherbeauty.“Nomorerunningfromeachothereveragain.”
Shebringsherhandupbetweenus.“Pinkyswear.”
Ilaugh,hookingmypinkywithhers.“Pinkyswear.”
It'schildish,remindingmeofheryouth,butIcan'tsayIdon'tfinditamusing.Onethingisforsure,
I'm guaranteed an interesting life with her. I highly doubt that our relationship will ever get stale or
boring.
Aubreyletsoutacontentedsigh,restingherheadagainstmychest.
“Areyoualright?”Istrokeherhairaffectionately.
“Yeah.Justalittlenervousabouttomorrow.”
“Whyareyounervous?”Irestmychinontopofherhead,enjoyingthefeelofherwarmbodyin
myarms.
“Becausegoingbackhomemeansfacingmymother.”
“Youshouldn'tlookatitthatway.”
“HowshouldIlookatit?”Sheglancesupatme.
Ismile.“LookatitthesamewayIdo,thattomorrowwillbethestartofournewlifetogether.”
EPILOGUE
AUBREY
ONEYEARLATER
I'mtiedtooneofthesuspensionpointsintheceiling.Myhandsareboundovermyhead.Mychest
feelshotfromtheropebondagearoundmytits,squeezingthemtightly.AndI'veneverfeltmorealive.
Vashisnakedbymyside.Icanfeelhishardcockpressingagainstmyhip.He'sholdingmyjaw,
hisforeheadrestingagainstmytemple,hislipstouchingmycheekinatenderkiss.Ilovethefeelingofhis
stronghandsonmecoupledwiththesweetnessofhisaffection.He'stheperfectmixofeverythingnaughty
andnice.
We just shared the most amazing scene together, but I know it's not over yet. As soon as I'm
unchainedfromtheceiling,Vashgoestoworktyingmeupagain,thistimewithmekneeling,myankles
boundtogether.I'mmadetokeepmyfacepressedagainstthepaddedtableandmyhandsbeneathme.Our
dungeon is well equipped with just about everything that anyone would need for a kinky time, and we
makesuretouseiteverychancethatweget,whichisrarenowthatwehaveababytocontendwith.
Vashstandsbehindmewitharidingcrop,gentlyspankingmyclit.Itfeelssodirtyknowingthat
he's looking at me spread open for him, seeing my wetness seeping out, my full arousal. My self-
consciousnessiseclipsedbyeachdeliciousstingbetweenmylegs,though.Eachtaptomyclitassaults
my very core, sending pleasure coursing through me, making me silently beg to have his cock inside of
me.I'llbegivingvoicetomyvocalizationsoon,butnotyet.HeenjoysgettingmesoheatedupthatIcan
barely stand it, and the evenings that we get to take our time are so rare that I dare not deny him this.
Besides,anticipationishalfthepleasure.
Ismileandcurlmytoes,knowingit'sjustamatteroftimebeforeIcomefromtheclitspanking.
This will be orgasm number three. It's become my lucky number, a number that Vash always strives to
achievewithme,thoughdefinitelynotthemostorgasmsI'veeverhadinonesessionwithhim.Onetime,
long before the baby was born, we had sex all day. I had so many orgasms that my clit was sore from
them.Wedidn'thavesexforalmostaweekafterwardjustsothatbothofourbodiescouldrecover.
“Areyougettingclose?”heasks,noticingthechangeinmybreathing.
“Yes,Sir,”Iconfess.
“Doyouthinkyoudeservetocome?”
“Yes,Sir.I'vebeenagoodgirl.”
“Yes,youhave.”Hetakesabreaktosmoothhishandovermyassbeforecontinuinghisassaulton
mypussy.
Hepicksupthepace,makingthetapsmorefrequentuntilmyclimaxisforcedout.Ishudderasthe
softleathertonguehitsmysensitiveclitagainandagain,andIgroanoutmypleasure.
Vashhisses,“Mmm.That'sagoodgirl.Icanseeyourpussycontractingfromhere.”
So dirty, I think. But that's part of why I love doing this with him. There's no filter between his
mouthandhisbrainandhiscock.He'sallsexualenergyinthebedroom,drilleddowntohismostbasic
demandingform.
He tosses the riding crop aside and steps up behind me, grabbing the base of his cock to guide
himselfin.MymouthturnsintoanOasheentersme.Evenafterhavingthebaby,itfeelsjustasgoodas
thefirstfewtimesweweretogether.He'sniceandgirthy,fillingmecompletely.
Vashpumpsintomypussywithtwolongstrokesbeforepullingoutandmovingtomyass.Igaspin
shockashepushesinside,tellingmeinhissexydominatingvoice,“Bothoftheseholesaremine,andI'm
goingtoclaimthemhoweverIlike.”
“Ohfuck,”Igroan,bobbingmyassupanddowntosuckhimin.
“Suchagreedygirl,”hemocksme.“Agreedygirlwithagreedyass.”Vashstepsforward,filling
metothehilt.There'sthetiniesttwingeofpainwhenhe'sallthewayin,butit'snotbad.“Isthiswhatyou
want?Doyouwantallofmydick?”
“Sir,yessir,”Istumbleovermywords.
“YourassissotightIneedtokeepitallthewayin.”
“Fuck my ass, Sir,” I beg, and he immediately acquiesces, pumping into me with short rapid
thrusts.Hekeepshishandsonmyass,usingtheleveragetorockmebackandforthonhim.
“Tellmethatyoulikeit.”Hishandcomesdownonmyasswithasickeningcrack.
“Iloveit,”Icryout.
“Louder.”
“Iloveitwhenyoufuckme.”
“YouloveitwhenIfuckyouintheass?”hesoundssadisticallysmug,likehe'sgettingofftomy
confession.
“Yes.Iloveitwhenyoufuckmeintheass,Sir.”Iwhimperateachthrustthat'spainfullytoodeep,
feelingsofullofhimthatIalmostcan'tbreathe.“Ilovebeingyourlittlefuckhole.”
“Mylittlefuckhole,huh?”hesnorts.“Ithinkyoulovemycockineveryoneofyourholes.”
“Yes,Sir,”Iagree,thoughIlovehiminmypussythemost.
Vashplacesaleguponthetable,pressingdeeplyintomeandanglinghishipsinawaythathis
cockpushesonaspotthatfeelsheavenly.Imoan,cryingoutandsinginghispraisesashebuckshardinto
me.There'sanotherorgasmonthehorizon,anditmakesmefeelselfishthatI'vecomesomanytimesand
he'sonlygottenoffonce.Thisisthewayhelikesit,though,sowhoamItocomplain.
“Ohfuck.OhVash,”Irepeat.Hewrapshisarmsaroundmywaistanddrillsintomeuntilmybody
erupts.Mymusclesclenchhardaroundhim,andIwhimperfromthesheerstrengthoftheclimax.It'sfar
betterthanwiththeridingcrop,havinghimfillingmeandspreadingmewhileIlosemyself.
“That'sit,baby.Comehardforme,”hesaysbreathlessly,andIknowhe'saboutspenttoo.
Icastawickedglancebackathim,squeezingmyassaroundhimastightlyasIcan.Hegivesmea
warninglooksecondsbeforehesurrenderstomymilkingofhisdick.Acursefallsfromhislipsbeforehe
slamsintomesohardthatIseestarsfromthebiteofpain.Itrecedesalmostinstantly,andheatfillsmeas
hisseedspraysintomyass.
“You'reafuckingmonster,”Igrowlathim,stillfeelingtheafterglowfrommyorgasm.
“You wouldn't have me any other way.” He gives my ass a few more purposeful deep thrusts
beforepullingout.Andhe'sright,Iwouldn'thavehimanyotherway.BecauseIlearnedlongagothatI
don'twantanangeltocoddlemeandmakelovetomeeverynight.Ineedamonstertogivemybodythe
forbiddenpleasuresitcraves.
VashuntiesmeandwipesdowntheequipmentwhileIgotothebathroomtostarttheshower.He
joins me shortly, and we ceremoniously bathe one another, basking in the warm spray of the water and
eachother'sarms.Hepressesmeupagainsttheshowerwallandfucksmeagain,thoughthistimehe'sfar
moregentleandcareful.Hislipscovereverysurfaceofmyskin,bathingmeintenderkisses.Iabsolutely
adorehim.Adorehimforbeingsoundeniablyperfectforme.
Afterourshower,weliedowninbedtogether.Iknowthathe'lllikelywakemeupinthemiddle
ofthenightforsexagain,andI'mtotallyfinewiththat.Wecannevergetenoughofeachotheronthese
rarenightsalone.Tomorrow,mygrandparentswillbebringinglittleJoycebackhometous.Theywere
kindenoughtotakeherforthenightsothatwecouldhavesomealonetime.It'sbeenalmostamonthsince
welasthadtimelikethis.Beingnewparents,sexhasbecomeararity.
InuzzleupagainstVash'sside,restingmyheadonhischest,andhesplayshisfingersoutovermy
tummy.Joyce'slittlebrotherorsisterisinside.Ican'tbelieveIgotpregnantsosoonafterdelivering,but
I'mkindofglad.I'vealwayswantedmorethanonekid.We'restoppingattwo,though.Vashhasalready
agreedtogogetsnipped.Itoldhimhedidn'thaveto,buthesaidthattwowasenoughforhim,too,andhe
didn'twantmetohavetoworryabouttakingbirthcontrol.Hereallyisagreatguy.Moreself-sacrificing
thanIcouldhaveeverimagined.
He'slostpracticallyeverythingtobewithme,buthe'sneverevenshownahintthathe'sunhappy
aboutit.Aspredicted,mymotherdidnotreactwelltothenewsofusbeingtogether.Shetriedtoacceptit
forawhile,butshewasmakingVash'slifealivinghell,lashingoutathimandcomplainingaboutevery
littlethingthathedidthatneverusedtobotherherbefore,sohedecidedtosellhishalfofthepractice
andreturntoworkingatthehospitaluntilIgraduatefromcommunitycollegeandwemovetoNewYork
sothatIcanattendJulliard.
He had wanted to move early so that we could get established and he could start looking for a
building to buy to open his own practice, but I felt bad about denying my grandparents access to their
greatgrandbaby,sohesubmittedtostaying,sayingthatitwouldbegoodforhimtosaveupmoremoney
beforewemoveanyway.Notthathereallyneedsit.Igavemostofthemoneythathepaidformyvirginity
backtohimoncewegotmarried,whichwastheverynextdaywhenheshowedupinNewYorktofind
me.
After discussing how we would break the news to my mother, I told him how upset my
grandparentswouldbetofindoutIwaspregnantoutsideofwedlock,sohesolvedthatproblembyflying
ustoVegasforashotgunwedding.Afewmonthslater,wehadalargerceremonyathomewithallofthe
bellsandwhistles.Mymotherwasnotinattendance,stillnotapprovingofourrelationship.
Ever since Vash started back working at the hospital, my mom has dropped out of our lives. It
makesmesad,andtosomeextent,Ikindofunderstand.Shefeelsbetrayedbybothofus.Tobehonest,
though,shewasneverreallythereformetobeginwith.Nothavingheraroundhurtforaboutamonth,but
Iquicklygotoverit,especiallywhenVash'sfamilyletmeinwithopenarms.Hisparentsarewonderful
andloving.HehadeverythinggrowingupthatIdidn't.I'mkindofjealous,butmorethanthat,I'mgladthat
ourchildisgoingtohaveafirmpillarofsupportbetweenus,Vash'sparents,andmygrandparents.
I've decided to play the part of stay-at-home mom for the next two years, attending all of my
classesonline.IwanttospendasmuchofmyfreetimewithJoyceasIcan,becauseIwanthertofeelthe
lovethatIwasdeniedbymymother.IwanthertoknowthatI'llalwaysbehereforhernomatterwhat.
And Vash wants the same thing. If there's one thing I'm grateful for, it's that we're in sync with our
parenting. He says that I don't even ever have to work if I don't want to, though he still supports me
chasingmydream.Sothat'swhatI'mgoingtodo,takethisopportunitytospendmylifechasingmydream,
evenifIneverreachit.Wehavethemoneyandthetime.BetweenVash'sparentsandmygrandparents,it's
nothardtofindababysitter,thoughwetrynottoburdenthemveryoften.
Lifeisgood.Betterthangood.MaybeevenmorethanIdeserve.Tothinkofwherewestarted,I
certainlyneverthoughtwewouldendupthisway.Thatastrangerwhoboughtmyvirginityatanauction
wouldalsoendupstealingmyheart,knockingmeup,buyingmeafour-caratdiamondweddingring,and
makingmehiswife.Ihadtoworkhardforit.Thingscouldhaveeasilyturnedoutdifferently,butI'mglad
for every little thing that transpired between us. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Because that's what
makesourstoryunique,andnowwesharealovethatnoamountofmoneycouldeverbuy.
“So, what are you going to tell Joyce about how we met when she asks when she gets older?”
Vashasksme,bouncingourdaughteronhislapwithaslygrinonhishandsomeface.
“Iwashopingshe'daskyouthat.”Ipickastrawberryoutofabowl,pullingtheleavesbacktoget
atthejuicyredbit.
“Youknowthat'sneverhowitworks.She'sgoingtoaskyou,notme.”
“Wellthen.”Isniffthestrawberry,inhalingitssweetaromabeforebitingoffhalfofitandoffering
theresttoVash.Ichewafewtimesbeforespeaking,notcaringthatmymouthisfull.“I'mgoingtotellher
thatit'sastorythatneedstowaitforwhenshe'solder.”
His eyes widen in surprise. “You're not going to make something up about us having met at my
practice?”
“Nope.”Ishakemyheadandswallowthemasticatedstrawberry.“Iwanttobehonestwithher
always,becauseIneverwanthertofeelashamedofanythingthatshedoes.”
“You'resuchanamazingwoman.”Hecaressesmycheek,beamingwithpride.“Butifsheasksme
first,I'mgoingtotellherwemetatthepractice.”
“Vash!”Islapathisshoulderforhistreachery.
“Hey,”heholdsonehandupinsurrender,“thesextalkisgoingtobeallyou.”
Joycecoosasifshewantstojoininontheconversation.You'realittletooyoungforthisone,
lovemuffin.
“You'llalwaysknowmoreaboutsexthanIwill.”Ithrowthestempartofthestrawberryawayand
playwithJoyce'slittlefingers.
“Well,that'sbecauseI'madoctor.”Helooksdownatourbabygirlandmakesasillyface,causing
hertogiggle.
“That'snotwhatImeant.”Igivehimasarcasticlook.
“Hey,don'trushthings.We'vegotalooongtimebeforewehavetoworryaboutthesextalk,or
even her saying her first word,” his voice degrades into something childish by the time the sentence is
over.Ican'thelpbutgrinatwhatagoodfatherheis.Ihavetoadmit,whenhefirsttoldmehewantedthe
baby,Ihadmydoubts.AssoonasJoycecameoutofthewomb,though,heerasedthemcompletely.Heck,
forourfirstfewweeksoutofthehospital,hewasthebetterparentthanIwas,gettingupinthemiddleof
the night to change her and calm her when she cried. He made being a new mother as easy on me as
possible,andforthat,I'llbeforevergrateful.
Isighcontentedly,andVashglancesoveratme.“What?”
“Nothing.”Ishakemyhead,lookingatmylittlefamily.“I'mjusthappyisall.”
“I'mglad.I'mhappytoo.We'reallhappy.”HegivesJoyce'shandagentleshake,andshegiggles
again,delightedtobeinhisarms.She'sgoingtobeadaddy'sgirl,justlikeIwas;Icanalreadytell.
“No.Youdon'tunderstandhowhappyIam.”Tearscometomyeyesunbidden.
Vashgivesmeaconcernedlook,butIquicklyholdmypalmuptohimtosilentlytellhimthatI'm
alright.
“My life just seems like a fairytale. One strangely messed up fairytale,” I laugh. “Somehow,
despiteallodds,ImanagedtoendupwithkinkyPrinceCharming.Wehavethemostamazinglittlefamily,
andJoyceisgoingtogrowuphavingthelifeIonlywishedthatIhad.Thingscouldn'tbemoreperfect.”
“KinkyPrinceCharming,huh?”Vashsnorts.
“Whyisthattheonlypartofthatthatyoucaught?”Iglareathimplayfully.
He sighs, his expression going serious. He wraps his arm around me, pulling me to him. Joyce
flexesherhandsatme,thoughshecan'tquitereachforobjectsyet.
“You'reright.Wehaveawonderfullife.”Henodsinagreement.“Ihaveanamazingwifeanda
beautifuldaughter.I'mtheluckiestmanintheworld.”
“We'retheluckiestparentsintheworld.”IstrokeJoyce'scheek.
“We're the luckiest people in the world.” Vash smiles at me. “But I still think I'm the biggest
winnerbecauseIhaveyou.AndI'mnevergoingtoletyougo.Notever.”
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BonusExcerptfrom
HisPossession:ABadBoyMafiaRomance
I've been in this room a million times before, but for the first time ever, it feels like a prison.
Maybe because I'm sitting in a chair in the middle of the room. It's an odd place to put a chair, but it
seemedappropriateconsideringtheexchange.
Ilookatalloftheboxesstackedaroundmeyearningforthecomfortoffamiliarity.Thestockin
the store rotates weekly, but I can still expect to see these boxes here. Chips and candy and pop—the
typicalstuffthatpeoplecometomyparents'smallgrocerystorefor.
Today,everythingseemsforeigntome.Rightnow,I'mtheonlyoneintheroom,andthemoodis
sotensethatIfeellikeI'msuffocating.Thecoolairsnakesupmylungstochokeme.There'savicegrip
onmyheart.I'veneverbeenmorenervousinmyentirelife.
IsmoothdownthefrontofthefloralskirtI'mwearingovermyknees,tryingtocovermyselfdown
tomyankles.TherewereaboutadozendifferentoutfitsthatIcouldhaveworntoday,butIwantedtogive
offanairofmodesty.Longhigh-waistedskirt.Longsleeveredshirttomatchtherosesontheskirt.Ieven
putonwhiteopaquestockingssothattherewouldbenothingtoseebeyondtheskirt.I'mwearinglarge
round-framedsunglasseseventhoughI'mindoors.Icanbarelyseeathing,butIneedthemtohidethebags
under my eyes from the lack of sleep. That and the fact that my makeup is probably smeared from the
silent sobbing I've been doing. Concealer can only hide so much, and I swear there's no such thing as
waterproofmascara.
NowthatI'mthinkingaboutit,Ishouldn'thavewornmakeupatall.Itdoesn'treallymatter,though.
It wouldn't make Giovanni Bianchi magically decide not to take me. He's seen me in a full range of
clothing, with and without makeup. I should count it as a blessing that he wanted me in the first place.
Otherwise,whoknowswhatwouldhavehappenedtomyparents—totheirstore.Iwouldnotwantthem
toloseit.It'stheirlife'swork.
IrememberthestorymyfatherusedtotellmewhenIwasachildabouthowhardheandMomhad
worked to accomplish their goal of owning their own grocery story. It was a story full of romance and
wonder.WhenIwasgrowingup,Iwantedtobeapartofthatstory,soIvolunteeredtoworkatthestore
everyfreechancethatIgot.Thestorebecamejustasmuchapartofmeasitwasforthem.Ithadevolved
from being bricks and tile and windows to becoming a part of our family. If we lost it, we'd all be
devastated.
MyparentshadmovedherelongbeforeIwasborn.Asthestorygoes,mymother'sparentshated
myfather—tothisdayIhaven'tmetmygrandparentsoneitherside.Theyrefusedtoletthetwomarry,so
myfatherusedallthemoneyhehadsavedupfromhisjobasajanitortoflythemtotheUnitedStates.My
mother had always dreamed of going to New York City, so that's where they landed, but they ended up
settling down in the Bronx. Neither of them spoke a lick of English when they got here, so they had a
difficulttimeestablishingthemselves.Initially,theylivedoffofwhatlittlemoneymyfatherhadleft.Then
theybothhadtostartpickingupoddjobs.Mymotherisawonderfulseamstress,sosheputthoseskillsto
use. My father worked manual labor gigs whenever he found them. He said that after a few years of
strugglingtomakeendsmeet,itbecamearunningjokethatonedaytheywouldopenupagrocerystoreso
thatthey'dneverhavetoworryaboutfoodagain.
Eventually, my father found steady work at a gas station and my mother settled in at a tailoring
shop. They lived a meager life, sharing a 525 square foot one bedroom apartment and pinching every
pennytheyhad.Itwasn'tuntiltwoyearsafterIwasbornthattheyhadsavedupenoughmoneytoturntheir
joke into a reality. Wanting a better life for us, they decided to go into business for themselves. They
boughtasmallstoreonthecornerofArlingtonAvenueandW254thStreetandpouredalloftheirtime
intomakingitthebestneighborhoodgrocerystorethattheycould.
Thestoredidwellforawhile.Onlytwoyearsafteropening,myparentshadmadeenoughmoney
tomovefromtheapartmentintoapropertwobedroomhome.Still,wespentmoretimeatthestorethan
we did in our house. I was practically raised there. Some of my earliest memories include helping my
motherstockshelvesandplayinginthewaterfromabustedpipebehindthebuilding.
Myparentsnevermadeenoughmoneyfromthestoreforustobeconsideredwealthy,butwehad
everythingweneeded.Thingsweregoodthroughoutmychildhood,butbythetimeIhitmyteenyears,the
neighborhoodthatthestorewasinstartedtogodownhill.Mostofourregularcustomersbeganmoving
away.Ruffianscametotaketheirplace.Notonlydidwehavetodealwiththedeclineofbusiness,butwe
also had to worry about getting robbed. My father finally began pouring money into tightening security
aroundtheplacewhenmymothergotrobbedatgunpoint.Itwassuchatraumaticeventthatmyfathereven
talked about closing down the store. In hindsight, they probably should have. Because if they had, we
wouldn'tbeinthemesswe'reinnow.Butmymother,withherbigheart,convincedhimtokeepitopen—
thatthingschangeallthetimeandtheyjustneededtoweatherthearea'seconomicdecline.Sheinsisted
thatbusinesswouldeventuallygetbetter,sotheydecidedtostickitout.
Eventually,businessstabilized,thoughitwasbarelyenoughtokeepthestoreandmyfamilyafloat.
Forawhile,wethoughtthateverythingwouldbeokay,butthenanewthreatrolledintotown.Itstarted
withthugsatourdoor,makingthreatsandbreakingthings.Myparentscalledthepoliceseveraltimes,but
they turned a blind eye. Then the source of the discord rolled in. Giovanni Bianchi. Don of the mafia.
Pervert. Asshole. The thugs were his, sent to instill fear into my parents. He offered my parents
'protection'foranotsosmallfee.Andby'protection'Imeanthathe'dstopsendinghisthugstoharassour
store.Ifmyparentsdidn'tpayup,hepromisedtodestroythem.
Ofcourse,myparentstoldallofthistothepolice.Butwhattheydidn'tfindoutuntillaterwasthat
Giovannihadguysontheinside.Thepolicedepartmentdidn'tgiveashitaboutwhathewasdoingaslong
asnoonegotkilledandbigbusinesseswithactualinfluencewereleftoutofit.Sobasically,Giovanni
hadallofthepower.
My parents had no choice but to pay up or move. Fed up with all of the misfortune they had
encounteredinthepastseveralyears,myfatherfinallydecidedtoputthestoreupforsale.Noonewas
interestedinbuyingastrugglingbusinessinabadareaoftown,though.Sowewerestuck.Wewerestuck,
and Giovanni's fees for protection gradually increased while the profits dwindled into nothing and we
wereplungedintodebt.
Andthatbringsusuptotwoweeksago.Giovanni'sgoonsstoppedbyfortheirmonthlyvisit.My
fatherrefusedtopay—couldn'taffordtopay.Giovannihimselfmadeagrandappearanceafewdayslater,
threateningtolootthestoreandbreakeveryboneinmyfather'sbody.Hemadeahalfheartedjokeabout
howthey'dtakemeinsteadofthemoney.Ihadbeenstandingtherebehindthecounter.Seeingamantwice
myfather'ssizewithhisfistballed,clutchingthefrontofmyfather'sshirt,hadspikedfearintomyheart
thelikesofwhichIhadneverexperiencedbefore.Andatthatmoment,allIcaredaboutwassavingmy
father. I hadn't even thought before I had spoken the words, “Take me.” They came out in begging and
pleadingtonesoverandoveragainuntilthegoonletgoofmyfather.
Giovannisaunteredaroundthecountertoapproachme.Ishrunkback,whichseemedtoamusehim
greatly.Hegrippedmychinandforcedmetofacehim,lookingmeover.Henoddedinapprovalbefore
walking away, nonchalantly telling my father that he'd return in a week and that if we didn't have the
moneytheyweregoingtotakemeinstead.
Aftertheyhadleft,mymotherandIhadrushedtomyfather'sside.Hewassoshakenthathewas
crying.Ittookusagoodfifteenminutesbeforewewereabletopullhimtogether.Allhekeptrepeating
was,“Whatarewegoingtodo?”
Ihadtheanswerthough.Ihadmadeupmymindthemomentthatmyfatherwasindanger.Wewere
going to negotiate. Me in exchange for them leaving the store alone. Permanently. Because one life is
surelyworthalifetimeofpayments.
WhenIhadtoldmyparentsaboutmyplan,theywerebothadamantlyagainstit.Theyhaddoneso
muchformethough.Raisedmethebestthattheyknewhow.Providedformeevenwhentheybarelyhad
enoughtoprovideforthemselves.Theyweregoodparents.Lovingparents.Someofthebestparentsthat
agirlcouldeverhopefor.Iowedthemthis.Atleast,IfeltlikeIdid.
“We don't know what they're going to do with you. They might kill you,” my father had said,
puttingemphasisonthekillparttodrivehometheinsanityofmydecision.
“Theywon'tkillme.”Theywouldn't.Itwouldn'tmakesenseforthemto.Buttherewereawhole
lotofotherhorriblethingsthattheycoulddotome.Sellmeoffasasexslave.Usemeasaprostituteto
make more money for them. Those were the two most probable things that came to mind. And I would
havenochoicebuttoacceptitbecausetheycouldalwaysjustreturntothestoreandmakegoodontheir
threatsifIdidn'tfollowthroughwithmyend.
“Iwon'tallowit,”mymotherinsisted.Butmymindwasalreadymadeup.Iwasanadult.Itwas
mybodytodowithwhatIwanted,andwhileIdidn'twantthis...IknewthatIhadtodoit.
“Itwon'tbeforever,”Itoldthemwithaweaksmile.“Justuntilyoucansellthestoreandsaveup
enoughmoneyforustomovefarawayfromhere.ThenI'llcomebacktoyou.”
IknewIwouldn'tcomebackthesameperson.Myyearsofbeingshelteredandlivingahappylife
wereabouttobeover.WhenIfinallyreturnedtomyparents,Iwouldbeirreparablydamaged.Butthey
wouldbesafe.Wewouldallbesafe,andthat'sallthatmattered.
My breath hitches as the electronic bell installed in the front door chimes. It could just be a
customer. It could be, but I know that it's not. It's Giovanni Bianchi, and he's come to collect on my
parents'debt.
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