Copyright©2017byLinneaMay

Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,businesses,places,eventsandincidentsareeitherthe

productsoftheauthor’simaginationorusedinafictitiousmanner.Anyresemblancetoactualpersons,

livingordead,oractualeventsispurelycoincidental.

Allrightsreserved.

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story:‘Anniversary’

AsteamyscenewiththeprotagonistsofmyotherBDSMRomancenovel

'IamYours'

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Barred

ABadBoyBillionaireRomance

Content

Barred

Prologue

ChapterI

ChapterII

ChapterIII

ChapterIV

ChapterV

ChapterVI

ChapterVII

ChapterVIII

ChapterIX

ChapterX

ChapterXI

ChapterXII

ChapterXIII

ChapterXIV

ChapterXV

ChapterXVI

ChapterXVII

ChapterXVIII

ChapterXIX

ChapterXX

ChapterXXI

ChapterXXII

ChapterXXIII

ChapterXXIV

ChapterXXV

ChapterXXVI

ChapterXXVII

ChapterXXVIII

ChapterXXIX

ChapterXXX

ChapterXXXI

ChapterXXXII

ChapterXXXIII

ChapterXXXIV

ChapterXXXV

EpilogI

EpilogueII

AlsobyLinneaMay

SneakPeek:

TAMED–ABadBoyBillionaireRomance

Prologue

ChapterI

ChapterII

ChapterIII

ChapterIV

Prologue

Lux

Mostpeoplewalkoutofprisonandembracethefreedomthatwelcomesthem.They'regladtoleave

behind confinement, however short it may have been. They take in a deep breath, maybe pausing for a
momenttotakeeverythingallinaroundthem:theair,thespace,thewindontheirface.Theyarefilled
withasenseofreliefandrighteousness.

Fuckthat.

WhenIwalkoutofthathellhole,I'mnotgreetedbyasenseoffreedom.No,whatmeetsmeistheharsh

reminder that my family won't forget my misconduct that easily. What welcomes me is the face of my
olderbrotherKingston,shieldinghiseyesfromtheblazingCaliforniansunwithRayBansunglassesashe
awaits me outside the prison. He‘s leaning with his back resting up against a black Camaro, his arms
crossedinfrontofhischestandlookingatmewithoneeyebrowraised.Thateyebrowsaysitall.Sure,he
mayhavebailedmeout,buthe'snotgoingtoforgetthis.

Iwalktowardhim,reciprocatinghisjudgmentallookwithastoicexpression.Oureyesfreezeonone

another for a moment, neither one of us changing our expression, fighting each other in a nonverbal
dispute.It'sbeenalmostayearsincewe'veseeneachother.Wewereneverthatcloseeventhoughwe’re
brothers,andIcan'tsaythatImissedhim.He'stheolderone,thegoldenboyinwhommyparentsplace
alltheirhope.He'stheheir,themanwhowillonedayleadourfamily'sempire-whileI'mjustthesecond
sonwhocan'tdoanythingright,orrather,theonewhowon'tdoanythingright.Webothsharethesame
levelofrepulsionagainstourfamily'sworld,buthe'sstillbetteratplayingbytherulesthanIam.

Ihaterules,especiallytheoneslaidoutbymyfamilyandtheirsurroundings.

"Getinthecar,"hesnaps,leavingmenochoicebuttofollowhiscommand."I'lltakeyouhome."

Hestraightensupoffthecarandwalksaroundtothedriver'sside,whileIflipopenthedoorandgetin

onthepassengerside.

"I could've gotten my own car, you know," I tell him, once we're inside the car and the doors are

closed."Youdidn'thavetoflyacrossthecountrytobabysitme."

Kingstonhuffsashesteersthecarawayfromthecurb,leavingtheprisonbehind.

"You'rewelcome,"hesays,ignoringmyremarkandinessenceremindingmethatIowehim.

"Youdidn'thavetodothis,"Isay."Icould've-"

"Oh,yes,Ihadtodothis,"heinterruptsme."Mybrotherisnotgoingtospendtimeinprison."

Helooksovertome,thateyebrowraisedagain."Imagineiftheyknew.Thisisthebestwaytoprevent

thatfromhappening."

So,heactuallydidn'ttellourparentsaboutthis.Afterwhathedidlastyear,Ifiguredhewouldn'tmiss

outonthischancetocastapoorlightonmetodivertattentionfromhisownshit.Hewassupposedto
marry that annoying but reputable shrew, but then he called the whole thing off at the engagement party

becausesomenerdyno-namegirlcaughthiseye.Iwasalmostimpressed.Ourfather'sideaofhavinga
'real man' take over the family business is so ridiculous. I couldn't believe Kingston would actually go
alongwiththatbullshitandlethimselfbetieddowntosomeidioticUpperEastSidebitch,andwhenI
heardthatheendedit,Ithoughthehadreturnedtohissenses.

UntilIheardthereasonforhislastminuteretreat.

He'dfalleninlove.Orsoheclaimed.Whatanidiot.He’dgonefromthepottothefryingpan.From

beingsmokedtosmothered.

At first, I thought he had just done it to piss off our father, but then he kept dragging this girl along

everywhere and introducing her to everyone and their mother. He was putting every ounce of effort
possibleintomakingourparentslikeher.Itwasfuckingpathetic.Mymotherwasenamoredwiththegirl,
andaccordingtoher,evenmyfatherwasbeginningtolikeher,especiallywhenshebecamemybrother's
fiancée.Shemaynothavebeentheproperchoiceasfarasourparentswereconcerned,butshewasgoing
tobemybrother‘swifenonetheless,andhimlandingawifewaswhatmatteredmosttothemintheend.

They've always worried about silly shit like that. Getting settled down, following in the family‘s

footsteps,doingtherightandproperthing.NeitherKingstonorIeverfollowedprotocolexactlyasthey
wished, but the pressure was higher on him. He's the important one, not me. If they found out about me
gettinglockedupforillegalhackingactivities,itwouldatleastremindthemthattheyhaveasecondson-
thatotherkidtheyliketoforgetabout.

Ishakemyhead."Whatever.Idon'tcareiftheyknow."

"Forfuck'ssake,Lux,"Kingstonyells."Iknowyouliketoseeyourselfastheblacksheepofthefamily,

thebadboy,butit'sgettingold.You'retwenty-fiveyearsold,it'stimeforyoutogrowthefuckup!"

Iturntomybrother,castinghimadisgustedlook.

"Holyshit,yousoundjustlikeDad,"Isay."Whathappenedtoyou,man?"

"Nothing happened to me," Kingston insists. "I'm just tired of your shit. And you're right, I shouldn't

havetobabysityou.Idon'thavetimeforthis."

"Thendon't!"Ibarkathim."Idon'tneedyouhere!Gohometoyourfuckingnerdgirlandplayhouse

and-"

Kingstonstopsthecarsosuddenlythatbothofusareyankedupharshlyintoourseatbelts.We'reona

desertedroadinthemiddleofnowhere,sowedon'trunthedangerofanyoneelserammingintous,butI
stillturntohimwithanexasperatedlookonmyface.

"Dude,whatthe-?"

"Shutup!"heyellsatme."Justshutthefuckup,Lux!Idon'tneedthisbullshit.You'reright,Ishould

haveletyourotbehindbarsandtellourparentsabouttheshityou'vebeenuptosinceyoumovedhere.
But unlike you, I have an ounce of responsibility inside me, and I know that you don't need any more
peoplebreathingdownyourneckwiththesamecrapwe'veheardallourlives.Iknowitsucks,Ihateitas
muchasyoudo."

Hepauses,swallowingadeepbreathbeforehecontinues.

"But you're my fucking brother," he says, lowering his voice. "I can't just watch you ruin your life. I

just...can't.Fuck,Lux,you'rethesmartone.Youarefuckingbrilliant,webothknowthat.Yougraduated
college summa cum laude, and it came fucking easy to you because you're just so damn smart. Other
peoplewouldkillforthatdamnbrainofyours."

Hepausesagain,shakinghisheadandstartingtolaugh,almostasmuchtohimselfastobothofus.

"Imean,damnit,eventhatcrackingbusinessofyours,Idon'twanttoapplaudyouforit,butthatwas

fuckinggenius,"hecontinues,nowlookingatme."Ijustdon'tgetit.Whydon'tyouputthatbraintobetter
andmorelucrativeuse?"

Ihuffathim."Whosaysthiswasn'tlucrative?"

"Longterm,"hesays."Legit,legal.Arealbusiness,noshittingpeopleinthedark."

Icasthimadarksmirk."Thiswasmorefun."

Heraisesbothofhiseyebrowsthistime,againshakinghishead.Despitesharingmyrepulsionagainst

ourparents'strictupbringing,Kingstonhasalwaysbeenthereasonableone.Iguesshekindofhadtobe,
astheoldest.

"Wasitfunwhentheyarrestedyou?"heasks."Wasitfunbeinginprisonwithallthoseotheridiots?

BecauseIcantellyouonething:thisisthefirstandlasttimeI'mbailingyouout.Ifthishappensagain,
you'reonyourown."

Inod."Igotthat."

We'regettingclosertomyneighborhood.WhenIseethefirstfamiliarintersections,streets,andstores,

Icanfinallyfeelit,thatsenseofreliefandfreedom.I'veonlybeenlockedupforacoupleofweeks,butit
waslongenoughtomakememissthisplace,myhome.

IhaveonlybeenbacktoNewYorkfortheholidayssinceI'vemovedhere,andIcan'tsaythatImissit.

Inaway,I'vealwaysbeenaWestCoastman,Iwasjustbornonthewrongsideofthecountry.

"Howlongareyoustaying?"Iaskmybrother,aswestopforaredlight.

"I'm flying out tomorrow," he says. "No reason for me to hang around, right? You don't need a

babysitter."

Ibreatheoutinfrustration."Youdon'thavetoworryaboutme."

"Ido,"heobjects."Obviously,Ido,orIwouldn’thavecomeouthere.ButlikeIsaid,Idon'thavetime

forthis,andItrustthatyou'recapableofcomingupwithabetterplanthancracking.Right?"

Helooksatmeforconfirmation,andIgranthimanod.Ihavenorealdesiretogetintroublewiththe

lawagain,atleastnotlikethis.

"Besides,"headds."I'dmuchratherbehomerightnow."

"Becauseofthemissus?"Iaskhim.

"Don'tcallherthat,"hesnapsatme."HernameisElodie."

"Elodie?That'saweirdname."

Hecastsmeaquicklookfromtheside,raisingoneeyebrowasawarningsign.

"She'sspecial,"hesays."Maybeyou‘llgetluckyenoughtomeetheroneday."

Ilaugh,shakingmyhead.

"So,youdidgetyourselfchaineddown,justasourfatheralwayswanted,huh,"Isay."Goodboy."

I expect him to be furious at my ridicule, hitting the brakes and yelling at me again. But instead,

Kingstonjustlaughsandshakeshishead,asifhe'sfeelingsorryforme.

"No,Ididn't,"hesays,smilingashelooksatthestreetaheadofus."Iluckedout,bigtime.Thereare

nochainsinvolvedwhenyoumeettherightperson,trustme.Ifanything,itfeelsliberating."

Ifurlmyeyebrows,unsurewhattothinkofhiswords.

"Yousoundlikeafuckingchicklitnovel,"Isay.

Kingston shrugs. "I don't care. It may sound cheesy as fuck, but it's something you only understand

whenitfinallyhappenstoyou."

I look at my older brother, the guy used to take me out to party and pick up girls when I was still a

teenager,theguywhobraggedaboutbanginganewchickeveryweek,eachoneprettierthanthelast.And
nowthatsameguyissmilinglikeafuckingidiotashetalksaboutgettingmarried,tamed,andcagedfor
therestofhislife.

"How,though?"Iwonderoutloud."Howthehelldidthishappen?"

Hechuckles.

"It'salongstory,"hesays."YoucanbuymeadrinktonightandI'lltellyou."

HeturnsontothestreetIliveon,stillwiththatblissfulexpressionilluminatinghisface.

"Idon'tgetit,"Isay."Howdoyouevenknowthatit'sdifferentwiththisone?Howdoyounotfeel

suffocatedbyher?Ican'timagineconfiningmyselflikethat...like,ever."

Kingstonstopsthecarinfrontoftheundergroundparkinggarageofmybuildingandjustlooksatmeas

wewaitforthegatetoopen.

"Oh,you'llknowwhenithitsyou,"hesays.

"You'llfuckingknow."

ChapterI

Sara

~sixmonthslater~

"Don't be such a goody-goody!" my friend Olivia encourages me. Even though she's yelling, I can

barelyhearhervoiceovertheloudbeatsoftheclub'smusic.

Idon'tgooutoften,butwhenOliviaaskedmetojoinhergroupoffriendstonight,Icouldn'tsayno.It's

almosttheendofballetseason,andIhavebeenlookingforwardtolettinglooseandhavingalittlemore
funthanIcouldduringthelastfewmonths.

However,weseemtohaveverydifferentideasofwhatmakesagreatnightout.WhileIcamehereto

dance and maybe have a drink or two, Olivia and her friends have a different order of priorities. For
them,drinkingcomesbeforedancing.

Idon'twanttobeaspoilsport,butIknowI'materriblelightweightwhenitcomestoalcohol.I’mnot

aregulardrinker,andmypetitestatureisn'texactlyconducivetoexcessiveconsumption.Ialmostfeellike
Ishouldhavetrainedforthis.

So,whenOliviawavesmeoverforyetanotherroundofshots,Itrytoignoreherandcontinuedancing,

whichshedoesn'ttakesowell.

"Comeon!"sheyells,wavingatme."Justonemore!"

Even with her dark complexion, I can tell that her cheeks are glowing from the many drinks she's

alreadyhad.She'sbetteratallofthis–betteratdrinking,betteratpartying–thanIam.Iknowthere'sno
waythatIcankeepupwithher.

Still,Irespondtohergesturingandmakemywayovertoherandthetwoothergirlswhocamealong

with us tonight. They're both friends of Olivia‘s who work with her on stage. Even though they're very
differentfromme,I'mgladthey'reheretonight–itmeansIcanexcusemyselfwheneverIfeelreadytogo
homewithouthavingtoworryaboutleavingOliviaallbyherselfattheclub.

I'mnotreadytoleaveyet,though.

Oliviabeamsatme,noddingencouraginglyasshehandsmealittleshotglass.

"Whatisit?"Iaskher,smellingthecontentsasifthescentcouldtellmeanythingotherthanit‘ssome

kindofstrongspirit.

"Yeah!"Oliviayellsinresponse,revealingthatshedidn'tunderstandmyquestion.

Sheraisesherlittleglassandtheothertwofollowherlead,castingexpectantlooksmyway.Igivein

andclinkglasseswiththem,compliantlydowninganothershotofwhatturnsouttobevodka.Igrimaceas
thedisgustingtastetakesovermyentiremouth,andthehotliquidtravelsdownmythroat.Thisissonasty,
Iwillneverunderstandwhypeoplewoulddrinkpurevodkavoluntarily.Itgoeswellwhenmixedwith

otherstuff,butthat’sonlybecausethevodkatasteiscompletelylostthen.

WhyamIdrinkingthis?Iaskmyself.

BecauseIdon'twanttoletOliviadown.Notagain.

She'syelpsoutwithjoyandwrapsherarmaroundmyshoulders,jumpingupanddown,congratulating

meonfinishinganothershot.Ijumpwithher,infatuatedbyherhappiness.

AndthisiswhereIshouldhavestopped.Thisshouldhavebeenmylastdrinkforthenight.

Butitwasn't.

Instead,thiswastheshotthatsentmeovertheedgeandcausedmetoloseallinhibitions.It'snever

happenedtomebefore,believeitornot,butI'veheardofithappeningtootherpeople.It'sthatpointwhen
thesweetanddizzyingbuzzfromthefirstfewdrinksturnsintodrunkenlevity.

It'sgreatatfirst.Warmgiddinesstakesover,makingmedancelikeI'veneverdancedbefore.Reckless,

wildwithoutabandon,completelyexuberant.There'snocontrollingmymovements,Ijustdance.Itmust
bethefirsttimethatI'vebeenabletoletgo,notfollowingthestrictrulesthatusuallydeterminemyevery
move.Ballet,asairyasitmayseem,doesn'tleavealotofroomforfrolicking,andthat'spartofwhyI
loveitsomuch.Ontheotherhand,itmakestonight'sreleaseallthemoreenjoyable.

IdancelikeI'veneverdancedbefore.

Sadly,IalsodrinklikeI'veneverdrankbefore.

It'stoolatebythetimeIrealizeit.Oliviaisagoodfriendandforcesmetoswitchtodrinkingwater

whenshenoticesthatIcan'thandleanotherdrop.Butassoonassheletsmeoutofhersight,I'mbackat
the bar, leaning drunkenly against the counter and yelling for another Vodka Cranberry. The bar is
crowdedandloud,thepartyhasreacheditspeak,andthebartenderistoobusytonoticetinylittleme,
jumping and stretching in an attempt to gain his attention. Once again, my lack of height complicates
things.Whileitcomesinhandyformyprofession,Icursemysmallstatureeverydayonaregularbasis
whenitcomestothesimplethings.

"Whatdrink?!"someoneyellsintomyearfromtheright.

Iflinch,instinctivelyjumpingawayfromtheperson.Iturnaroundtoseewho'scomethisclosetome

withoutmeevenrealizingit.

Eventhroughmyblurredandshakyvision,IcantellthisguyisaGoddamnAdonis,bowingdownto

mewhilesupportinghimselfonthecounterwithastrongarmthat‘scoveredintattoos.Hishazeleyesare
thecenterpieceofafacesohandsomethatitalmosthurtstolookathim.Hisangularjawisshavedclean,
withnoteventheslighteststubbleinsight,andhisdarkbrownhairisshavedononeside,theotherswept
aside in longish strands that fall into his face, partly covering one of his eyes. His smile produces the
sexiestdimpleontheleftsideofhisface,thesamesidewherehishairisclean-shaveninacrewcut.

God,he'ssexy.

Istareupathim,dumbfoundedandsodizzythatIfearImightcollapseinhisarms.

Hegetscloser,soclosethatIcanfeelhisbreathonmyupperlipashespeaks.

"Whatdrink?!"herepeatshisquestion.

"Vodka!"Iyellback."Cranberry!"

"VodkaCranberry,"heconfirms,beforehestraightensupandsignalstothebartender.

He'srathertall,toweringatleastoneandahalfheadsaboveme,andofcoursethebartendernotices

himimmediately.Myeyesaregluedtohismusculararmsasheleansoverthecountertoplacehisorder.
He'swearingashirtthatstretchesacrosshisundoubtedlymuscularupperbody,andhissleevesarerolled
up, revealing his almost entirely inked-up lower arms. The view of this his ink sends odd shivers
ricochetingthroughmybody.

Thedrinksarriveinnotime,andtheguyhandsmemyVodkaCranberry,whileheholdswhatappears

tobeaScotch.Heraiseshisglassforustotoast,andIcan'thelpbuttostareblanklyathim,followinghis
gestureandtakingthefirstsipfromadrinkIshouldn'tbedrinking.Mybodyhasswitchedintoautomode,
whilemybrainistoobusytryingtofigureoutthesituation.Sure,I'vebeenhitoninaclubbeforeandI've
hadguysbuydrinksforme.

Butneveraguylikehim.AguywhomakesmesonervousthatIfeelclosetofaintinginmybuzzed

stupor.

Hebeckonsformetofollowhim,andasI'velostanycontrolorwillofmyown,Idoashebidsand

follow him like an obedient puppy through the crowd. He's heading toward one of the more secluded
roomsintheback.IhangontothestrawofmydrinkfordearlifetheentiretimeI‘mfollowinghim.

Justbeforeweexitthemainareaoftheclub,hetakesasurpriseturntotheleftandmakesfortheVIP

area.Myeyeswideninsurprisewhenwe'reactuallyusheredinside.Ifindmyselfinadarkenedroom,
surroundedbyahandfulofpeoplequietlytalkinginseparatedboothsaroundtheroom.It'soddlyquietin
hereoncethedoorisclosedbehindus.

TheAdonisguymakessurethatI'mstillbehindhimbeforeheleadsmefartherinside,beckoningmeto

takeaseatatoneofthefewremainingemptyboothsinthefarback.

Myheartisracing,butatleastthevertigogetsbetteronceIsitdownontheleathercushions.There'sa

littlebowlwithnutsinfrontofusonthetable,andIvowtoeatsomeofthem,eventhoughit'shardforme
toeatwhenI'mthisnervous.

Hesitsdownoppositeme,swivelinghisglassashelooksatme.Awkwardsilencestretchesbetween

us,andIcontinuetosuckonmydrinkasifmylifedependsonit,knowingthatit'sprobablynotagood
idea.ButIcan'thelpit,he'sjusttoodamnhandsome,andI'mconfusedaboutwhereIam.

Whoishe?Andwhyishenotsayinganything?

ChapterII

Sara

Thesoundofmyshrillingphoneyanksmeoutofmycomatosesleep.TheDanceoftheLittleSwans

has never sounded more cruel and invasive, and it is joined by a piercing pain at the side of my head
when I try to open my eyes and reach in the direction of the music. Even in my miserable state, I can
picturethechoreographyinmyhead-coudepiedrightfootdevantoncountfour,travelingright,change
coupébackandfront,stepright,coudepiedleft.Thestepsaresodeeplyingrained,Ican'thelpit.

Myhandblindlywanderstotheside,hopingtofindmyphoneontheshabbylittletablenexttomybed.

Butthetableisnotthere.Myhandgraspsnothingness.

Andthisisnotmybed.

WherethehellamI?

Igroaninmisery,stillunabletoopenmyeyesandtorturedbytheworstheadacheI'veeverhadinmy

entirelife.Ifeellikeamolethat'sbeenhitovertheheadwithashovel-blind,confused,andinterrible
pain.

"Hello?"Icroak.MythroatissoreandfeelsasifI'vebeenscreamingallnight.MaybeIwas?

Everythingishurting,andit'ssodamnbrightinhere.Whyisitsobright?ItfeelsasifI'mbeinghitby

directsunlight.Aren'tmyblindsdown?

Thisisnotyourbedroom.

"Hello!?"Icroakagain,nowsoundingalittlepanicky.

Myphoneisstillsingingfromsomewheretomyright.Thelittleswansarestilldancing...coudepied,

leftright,rightfootdevant,changecoupébackandfront.

"Hello?!"

The ring tone stops. Whoever was trying to call me has given up on me. Instead, I can hear a door

opening,andit’sfollowedbystepscomingfromthesamedirectionasmyphone'sringtone.Itrytoopen
myeyesagain,butammetwithabeamofsunlightandanothersharppain.

"Please,"Iwhimpertowhoeverjustwalkedintotheroom.

Idon'tevenknowwhatI'mbeggingfor,butthepersondoessomethingincrediblyhelpfulnonetheless:

heorshewalksovertothesourceofthesunlightandclosestheGoddamncurtains.

I sigh with audible relief and try massaging my temples, as if I could rub the pain away. Within

seconds, the ache is getting better, now that I'm surrounded by darkness. Those must be some thick
curtains,judgingbythestarkdifferencetobefore.

Thepersonwhohasjoinedmeiswalkingaroundthebedandsitsdownattheedgetomyleft.

"Drinkthis,"Ihearamalevoicesay.

I'mconfused.Whoisthis?

NowthatI'mnolongerblindedbythesun,Ishouldbeabletoopenmyeyes,butIdon'tdare.Asof

rightnow,Icanstilldriftininfantilefantasyanduncertainty.AslongasIdon'tseehim,hedoesn'tseeme.

Butcuriositygetsthebetterofme,andwhenIfinallyopenmyeyesandamabletosee,IsortofwishI

hadjustremainedasleep.

It'sthemostbeautifulmanwhohaseverwalkedtheEarth.Helooksimmaculate,handsomebrownhair,

the edgy haircut and that sharp jawline, as neat as a pin with his clean shave and the black shirt with
rolled-up sleeves, revealing muscular arms that are almost completely covered in ink. There’s a
familiaritytohimthatIcannotquiteplace.

He's holding a glass of water toward me, looking at me with an expression that could be anything

betweenannoyanceandabsolutelanguor.

"Drink,"herepeats.

Islowlygathermyselfandpushmyselfupintoasittingposition,butasIsitup,IrealizeI'mnaked.The

blanketfallsdown,revealingmysmallbreast.HechuckleswhenIhurrytocrossmyarmsinfrontofmy
chesttoprotectmyselffromhisview.

Istareathim,heatrushingtomyfaceasItrytofigureoutwhereIam.Whoishe?Whydoeshelookso

familiaryetlikeastrangeratthesametime?Ilookaroundandtakeintheroom.It'saspaciousbedroom,
that'sforsure.It'salsoclearlyaman'sbedroom,withsteelgraywalls,darkhardwoodfloors,andnothing
butadresserandabed,bothinwhite.Everythinglooksextremelyminimalisticandmodern,butcostly.
ThesilklinensI'mwrappedinareinasimilarcolorasthewalls;cold,steelgray,buttheyfeelsofterthan
anyI'veevertouchedbefore.

Ialsonoticeahuman-sizedXononeofthewallsoppositethewindow.It'sblackandhasleathercuffs

ateachend,totieupwristsandankles.ASt.Andrewscross,ifI'mnotmistaken.

Did we use this last night? I blush at the thought of it. No, I would remember something like this,

wouldn'tI?

Myeyeswanderbacktohim,narrowingasItrytoplacehimandthisroom.

"Who...wheream–?"

"Drinkthis,"herepeats,holdingtheglassclosertome,practicallyforcingmetotakeit.

Igatheruptheblankettocovermyboobsandholditinplacewhiletakingthewaterhe'soffering.I'm

hung over, and I know that dehydration is causing my terrible headache. The water is cool and has a
soothingeffect,notonlyonmywaterimbalance,butonmysorethroat,aswell.Ifinishdrinkingitinone
biggulpandhandhimbacktheglass.

"Goodgirl,"hesays,ashesetsitdown.

Ituckattheblanketagain,pullingitsohighthatitalmostreachesmychin.

Hewatchesmeandshakeshishead,laughing.

"What'ssofunny?"Iask,tryingtofrownathim,butmyheadishurtingtoomuchtomakethatfacial

expressionwork.

"Youtryingtohideyourselffromme,"hesays."Afterwhatwedidlastnight."

Afterwhatwedidlastnight?Whathappenedlastnight?

Igivehimablankstare,asItrytoremembertheeventsoflastnight.NeverinmylifehaveIhada

blackoutfromalcoholbefore.Never.

"Whatthehelldidyoudo?"Ihissathim."Didyoudrugme?"

Heraiseshiseyebrows."Hellno,Ididn'tdrugyou.Youtookcareofthatyourself."

"Whatdoyoumean?"Iask,pullingtheblanketevencloseraroundme.

Helooksatmewithaskepticalexpression,andthenhiseyebrowsarchwithrealization.

"Youreallydon'tknow,"hesays."Don'tyourememberanything?"

Islowlyshakemyhead,ashamedofmyself.HereIam,completelyclueless,naked,hungover,inthe

bedofaperfect-lookingstranger-andhehastofillmeinonmyshamefuldecisionsandactionsofthe
nightbefore.

ChapterIII

Lux

Sheslouchesoverherdrink,suckingonitasifshewasbreathinginthedrinkandnottheairaroundit,

whileherbig,shyeyesdartbackandforthbetweenmeandthepeoplesurroundingus.Thisisdefinitely
notherfirstdrink,andprobablynothersecondeither.Icouldtellthatshewasalreadyquitebuzzedwhen
shewasstumblingovertothebar,butIdidn'tthinkmuchofit.Everybodyinhereisdrunk.

ButIshouldhavetakenintoaccountthekindofpersonsheis.

She'sthemostdelicatecreatureI'veeverseen,sotiny,sopetite-andsostrongatthesametime.She's

more than just athletic, every ounce of her seems to be made of muscle. Her movements are somewhat
unnatural,herposturetoostraightanderect,andherstepstoodeliberate.Exceptwhenshewasdancing.It
wasasifshehadridherselfofashell,releasingthewildbeastlyingunderneath.Therewasasurprising
strengthbehindherdancing,andawisdomthatreflectsimpeccableunderstandingofherownbodyand
howtomovealongtothebeatsofthemusic.

It was mesmerizing to watch her. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. There was something about this

tiny,dynamicgirlthatkeptmyattentionmorethananyothergirlintheclub.Shelookssofragile,sopure
andelegant-butatthesametimeboastsafieryenergy.Herattributesareclashinginadeliciouslyexotic
way.

I'veneverhadagirllikeher.Ican'thelpbutpictureher,nakedinfrontofme,ridingmycocklikea

goodgirl.

Ibetshecanbeagoodgirl.Thekindofgoodgirlwhowon'tsubmitwithoutafight.

Fuck,Ineedachallengelikeher.

Butrightnow,she'sgivingmenothingbutthatfearfulandconfusedlook.Herbodyisswayingeverso

slightly,andI'mbeginningtoworrythatshemightjustcollapseonthetable.Ifshelosesconsciousness,
thenthatwasit.Necrophiliaisnotmything.

"Stopinhalingthatdrink,"Itellher.

Shestopsimmediately.Herlipsletgoofthestrawreluctantly.

"Orelse?"sheasks,hereyesflickering.

Ilikeheralready.

"Doyoureallywanttofindout?"Iaskher,whilewavingatoneofthefewwaitersroamingthroughthe

VIPareatobringussomewater.

"Suckonthatinstead,"Itellheronceagiantglassoficewaterisplacedinfrontorher.

Shelooksatmethroughnarrowedeyes,contemplatinghowshefeelsaboutbeingorderedaroundlike

this.Icanseethethoughtsforminginherhead.Eventually,shedecidestoobeyandtakesthestrawoutof
hervodkacranberrydrinkandplacesitinthewaterglassinstead.

"Goodgirl,"Ipraiseher."Finishit."

"I'mgonna‘besick,"shesays.

"Youwillifyoudon'tfinishit."

She pouts with the straw still between her lips. It's the cutest expression, and it makes her look so

youngthatIfindmyselfworryingforamoment.

"Howoldareyou?"Iaskher.

She doesn't answer right away, but only because she's still busy following my last command and

finishingherwater.TheglassisfilledwithsomanyicecubesthatIknewitwouldn'tbethatmuchofan
effortforhertodrinkallofit.

"Why?"sheasksonceshe'sdonedrinking.

"I'mcurious,"Isay."Areyouevenallowedtobehere?"

Shefrownsatme.

"I'moldenoughtodrink,"shehisses."DoyouthinkI'mateenager?"

Ishrug."Justmakingsure."

"IguessI'lltakeitasacompliment,"shesays,shrugginghershoulders.

Her black hair is falling down her shoulders in ruffled waves, sticking to her sweaty body in an

unusuallysharpcontrasttoherwhiteskin.She'dlooklikeSnowWhite,ifherlipswerepaintedred.But
asfarasIcantell,she'snotwearinganylipstick.Whatapity.Ibetitwouldlookdivineonherporcelain
skin.

"WhyamIhere?"sheasksabruptly."Whydidyoubuymeadrink?Howcomeyouhaveaccesstothe

VIProom?"

"Somanyquestionsatonce,"Ireply."Andyoushouldknowtheanswertooneofthem.Whydomen

buydrinksforwomen?"

"Togetintheirpants,"sheshootsback.

Ilaugh."Exactly."

Sheraisesoneofhereyebrowsandtiltsherheadtotheside,visiblysurprisedatmyhonestreply.

"Thenthere'sonlyonequestion,really,"shesays."Whydoyouhaveaccesstothisroom?"

"Whyisthatinterestingtoyou?"

Sherollshereyes."Sothisisyourgame.Nevergivingastraightforwardanswertoaquestion."

Ishakemyhead."Onlytotheonesthatboreme."

"Fine," she says, leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms in front of her small chest. She's

wearingablackblousethatfallslooselyaroundherslimshouldersandwouldrevealagoodlookather
cleavage-ifshehadany.

Icantellthatshe'sregainingherspirit.Orderingthewaterwasagoodidea.

"Whoareyou?"Iaskher.

Shefurlshereyebrowsagain,shakingherhead.

"Andthat'snotaboringquestion?"sheasksback.

"Nottome,"Isay.

"Well,itistome,"shesays."Andaveryvagueoneatthat."

"What'syourname?"

"Sara."

"Nicetomeetyou,Sara."

"Andyouare?"shewantstoknow.

"Lux."

"Wow!" she exclaims. "A straightforward answer! I don't know if it's a truthful one - because,

seriously,whatkindofnameisthat?Butatleastyoudidn'tmockmeagain."

She'sacheekyone,Ishouldhaveanticipatedthat.

"Inevermockedyou,younglady-"

"Younglady!"sheinterruptsme."Ihavenoideawhoyouthinkyouare,buttrustme,you'renotmuch

olderthanme.I'mtwenty-two!"

Icastherasmirk,halfannoyedandhalfimpressed.She'solderthanIthoughtshe'dbe,butifanything,

it'sarelief.Ifwhatshesaysistrue,Iatleastwon'thavetoworryaboutpickingupanunderagegirl.

"That'sstillyoung,"Itellher."Don'tbeoffendedbymestatingtheobvious."

Shehuffsandtakesanothersipfromhervodkacranberrydrink.

Withoutpermission.

My hands twitch involuntarily. She deserves a spanking for this. I didn't tell her that it was okay to

drinkfromthatglass.Ididn'tallowit.Shedidn'taskforpermission.

Butshealsodoesn'tknowthatwe'replayingthisgame.

"Ididn'tgiveyoupermissiontodrinkfromthatglass,"Isay,castingherathreateninglook.

Saraarcheshereyebrows,pausingforamoment,beforeshetakestheglassagainandtakesanothersip

ofthedrink,hereyesfixatedonmewithaprovocativeexpression.

"WhatmakesyouthinkIneedyourpermission?"sheasks.

"Ipaidforthatdrink,didn'tI?"Iremindher.

Sherollshereyes.Again.

"Togetinmypants,"shesays,tryingtosoundcoolandnonchalant.Buthervoiceisshaking,andsoare

herhands,assoonasshedoesn'thavethemwrappedaroundtheglassinfrontofher.

Shelooksatme,hereyesflickering,assheponderswhattosaynext.Icantellthatshe'scuriousand

intrigued. She didn't jump up from her seat, leaving me after erupting in an outraged outburst at my
impertinentsuggestion.

Sara is different. She wants to know what this is about, and a part of her may already sense the

promisebehindmywords.Thepromiseformore.Apromisethatisassociatedwithtabooandacarnality
thatisenjoyedonlybyafew.

"So,that'swhatyoudo,"shesays,narrowinghereyes."Youbuyagirladrinkandthenexecutefull

poweroverwhethershemaydrinkitornot?"

Isuggestanod.

"Inaway,"Isay."I'monlyactinginyourbestinterest."

Shehuffs."Sure.Mybestinterest."

"You'readancer?"Iask,ignoringherremarkandchangingthesubject.

Shepursesherlipsandtiltsherheadtotheside."Howdidyouknowthat?"

"Ididn't,"Itellher."Itwasjustanassumption.ButIappeartoberight?"

Sarabrushesawayaparticularlyheavystrandofhairandtucksitbehindherear,exposingherlong,

slimneck.Ibetmyhandswouldlookgoodwrappedaroundthatneck.Oracollar.

"I'm an apprentice at Anaheim Ballet," she says. She states it in a matter-of-fact tone, as if being a

ballerinaatoneofthebestballetcompaniesinthecountryisnothingspecial.

Hereyesfixateonmine,communicatingasilentwarningnottoridiculeher.

"AballerinaatAnaheim,"Isay."That'squiteimpressive."

Sheobservesme,unsurewhetherI'mmakingfunofherornot.

"I'monlyanapprentice,"sheadds."Sofar."

"Don't belittle yourself," I tell her. "From all I know, getting into Anaheim is anything but easy. I'm

quiteimpressed."

I'mjustguessinghere,butIwanthertofeelflattered.Anditworks.Ablushedsmiletravelsacrossher

prettyface,andshemoveshershouldersuptoherears,asshetriestothinkofsomethingtosayinreplyto
mycompliment.

"Icouldtellyoumustdosomethingphysical,"Icontinue."Youmustbelimberasfuck."

Sheblushesagain,beforeacutelittlefrownappearsonherface.

"First of all, ballet isn‘t only just physically challenging, it's just as much a mental challenge," she

says."Andsecondofall-"

"Ibetyoucandothesplits,"Iinterrupther,leaningforward."Oh,thepossibilities..."

Shestraightensup,hereyeswideopen,cheeksflushedandmouthhalfopened.Whatacutelittledoll

sheis.Ibetshe'salreadywet,tryingtomakesenseofthetinglingsensationbetweenherlegs.Shedoesn't
sayaword,shedoesn'tmove,shedoesn'twalkaway-shejuststaresatme,waitingformore.

Andmoreshewillget.

ChapterIV

Sara

Itallcomesbacktomeashestartstalking.HowheboughtmeadrinkandledmebacktotheVIParea

of the club. But we didn't spend much time in there. I remember him forcing me to drink water and
forbidding me to finish the vodka cranberry drink he'd just bought me. I remember feeling dizzy and
confused,butitwasn'tonlybecauseofthealcohol.Itwasbecauseofthethingsthatbeautifulmansaidto
me,thewayhelookedatme,thewayheadoredandcravedmemorethananyoneeverhadbefore.

Him!Aguylikehim!

Irememberhimsweettalkingmeintocomingwithhim,andthewayhewrappedhisarmsaroundme

whenhepulledmeinforakiss.Thatkissrobbedmeofmysanityandmyvisiondimmedtoblackasa
lazy,oscillatingbeatfilledtheclub.IremembergrabbingmyphonebecauseIcouldn'tfindOliviaorany
of the others. I sent her a text to let her know that I was okay. Still, it was probably her calling a few
minutesagowhenmyphonerang.It'sthefirsttimethatIdidn'tcomehomeatnightbecauseIwenthome
withaguyIhadjustmetataclubinstead.

DidIjusthavemyfirstone-nightstand?

IthinkIdid.

Iremembergettingintoacar.Itwasn'tacab,buthewasn'tdrivingeither.

Doeshehavehisowndriver?

Howrichisthisguy?

Judgingbythisbedroom,hemustbequitewelloff.Everything,includingthesheetsI'mwrappedin,

has a feel of unobtrusive wealth. The interior is rather simplistic and cool, very masculine, but if he
decoratedtheplacehimself,hedefinitelyhasgreattaste.

"Wefucked,didn'twe?"Iaskbluntly."That'swhyyouthinkit'ssillythatItrytohidemyselffromyou."

Asatisfiedandconfidentsmileappearsonhisfaceashenods.

"Ididgetagoodviewofthatstunningbodyofyourslastnight,"hesays."AndIhadmyhandsonyou,

andinsideyou."

I blush, forcing myself to remember any of this. But I can't. It scares the hell out of me that I can't

rememberanyofthethingshe'stellingmerightnow,butIdobelievehim.Icanfeelit,thesweetsoreness
betweenmylegs,thetenderacheagoodfuckleavesbehind.It'sbeenawhilesinceIlasthadsex,and
fromthefeelofit,hewasanythingbutgentlewithme.

Oh,howIwishIcouldremember.

Ilowermyeyes,ashamedofmyself-andangry.HowcouldIgetsodrunk?I'mnotevenmadatmyself

formakingsucharashdecisionandgoinghomewithhim,butfornotrememberingthethingswedidonce
wegothere.I-presumably–hadgreatsexwiththesexiestguyalive,andIcan'trememberanyofit!How

stupid.

"AndIfuckedyou,"headds,observingmyfacewhileIwishIcouldjustvanishintothinair."Those

pink lips were wrapped around my cock within minutes of us getting back here. You were so eager, so
hungryformycock.Suchaperfectlittleslut."

Ipressmypalmsagainstmyfaceinanattempttohidefrommyshame.

"Youreallydon'tremember?"heasks.

I shake my head, trying to hold back the tears of shame. I'm working on stage, I have a career that

constantlyasksmetoputmyselfoutthere,toworkhardandtofailonaregularbasis.I'vestumbledand
fallenonstage,I'veforgottenpartsofchoreographyinthemiddleofaperformance,I'vemisjudgedjumps,
anddestroyedverysignificantpartsofmydancewhilehundredsofpeoplewerewatchingme.

YetIdon'tthinkI'veeverfeltasembarrassedasIdorightnow.

"That'sapity,"hecomments."Wehadquitealotoffun,untilyoupassedout..."

Iliftmyfaceuptomeethisandstareathiminhorror."Ipassedout?"

Hechuckles."Whysohorrified,babygirl?"

Igulp."Wherearemyclothes?"

"They'rehere,don'tworry,"hesays,winkingatme."Youdon'twanttogoforroundtwo?"

Ifrownathim.

"Myheadiskillingme,"Isay."AndIfeelsick."

"I'm not surprised, with the amount you drank," he says. "But I'm not letting you out of here without

puttingsomefoodinyou."

"But-"

"No, but," he cuts me off. "You need to eat, and drink a lot more water. You must be dehydrated as

fuck."

Hestandsupandwalksaroundthebedtothedresser,thenopensadrawerandrummagesaroundinit.

My eyes lazily follow him. I feel terrible on so many levels that I don't even know what's worst. My
hangover?Thesplittingheadache?Thenausea?Theshame?

Heproducessomethingthatlookslikeamorningrobeandthrowsitonthesheetsnexttome.

"Wear this for now, if you're shy," he says. "Then come out to the kitchen. I have some breakfast

prepared."

Isquintathimindisbelief,asheopensthedooranddisappears,leavingmebymyself.

Breakfast?Ineverknewthatwaspartoftheplanwithone-nightstands.

I clumsily climb out of bed, realizing that I am in fact completely naked, and wrap myself up in the

incrediblysoftrobeheleftforme.It'sthickandheavierthanIexpectedittobe,anditsmellsfreshand
cleanwithahintoffirbranches.Ihugtherobeandtakeinthescent,wishingIcouldtakeithomewithme.

JustasIplantowalkoutthedoortofollowhimforbreakfast,myphoneringsagain.

ChapterV

Lux

Sheentersmyapartment,herlegsseeminglyweakandwobbly,likeababydeerwhojustmadeitout

ofitsmother'swomb.I'mtornbackandforth,unsurewhetheritwasasmartdecisiontobringherhome
with me. Even after forcing all that water in her, she's still more drunk than I'd usually be comfortable
with.

But at some point, it was too late. I was hooked as soon as I kissed her. Even with the clumsiness

causedbyherintoxication,shehadaspecificbitetoher,aneagernessandhungerthat'shardformeto
resist. Her hand wandered to my crotch while we were kissing, caressing the stiffness she caused. The
moan she let out when she realized how hard she'd made me even drowned out the music around us. I
grabbedherwristandtookbackcontrol,unwillingtolethertakeoverlikethis.Hereyesflungwideopen
whenIpushedherhandback,myfingersclosingaroundherdaintywristinanunyieldinggrip.

Shedidn'tsayanything,andneitherdidI.Ijusttookher.Ipulledherbehindme,dartingoutoftheclub

andtowardsmycar.Ialwayshavemydriverwaitingoutsideonnightslikethese,becausegettingacabis
belowme,andIsureashellwon'tdriveafterindulgingonhardliquorallnight.

Little Sara stumbles through my living room, her eyes and mouth wide open, as she gapes around,

takinginthevastnessoftheroom.

"You'rerich!"sheexclaims,asifthathadn'tbeenobviousbefore."You'refreakingrich!"

I don't like the way her voice squeals when she says it and I approach her, taking off her coat from

behind.

"Andyou'refuckingbeautiful,"Iwhisperinherear,asIletthecoatslipdownhershoulders.

Shegigglesandshakesherhead.

Iputhercoataway,andasIwalkbacktoher,ponderwhattodonext.She'sstandinginthemiddleof

mylivingroom,foldingherhandsinfrontofherbellyandtryingveryhardtomaintainbalance.Myeyes
catchherdrunkengaze,andshewinksatme.

Ithinkshe'llbeokay.

"I'veneverseenanakedballerina,"Itellherinasoftvoice,myhandfindingitswaytohershoulder,

travelingupherneckandtothebackofherhead,whereIgrabafistfulofherthick,blackhair.Shemoans
whenItiltherheadback,soshe'sforcedtolookupatme.Whatanextraordinaryfaceshehas,suchacute
porcelaindoll,withsurprisinglylight,steelblueeyesthatclashwithheronyxhair.

"Whosaysyouwilltonight?"sheasks,tryingtobecheeky.

"Oh,I'mprettysure,Iwill,"Isay."Becauseyouwillundressnow,infrontofme,oneitematatime,

slowly."

Hereyesflickerwithexcitement,andsuddenly,she'sfullyawakeandatattention.

Good.

"Come,"Isay,leadingheroutofthelivingareatoanopenstaircasethatleadsuptothesecondfloorof

my penthouse. This place is way too big for just me, but I enjoy having all these rooms and the
possibilitiesthatcomewiththem.Howcananyonelivewithjustonebedroom?Haveonebedtofuckand
sleepin?That'sunappealingtome.It'salsothereasonwhyIprefertotakemygirlshomewithmeinstead
offollowingthemtotheirplaces.

Sarawillonlyseeoneofthosebedrooms,andit'snottheoneIsleepin.

Sheobedientlyfollowsmeupthestairsandherstepssoundreassuringlysecure.

Istopinfrontoftheclosedbedroomdoorandturntoher.

"Undress,"Icommandher.

Saralooksupatthroughherdazed,blueeyes,hermouthforminganOassheprocessesthissurprising

order.

"You're not getting in there with your clothes on," I tell her. "You're only to step inside naked,

completelynaked."

"I,er-"

"I won't negotiate," I interrupt her. "Show me that sexy little body of yours, and I'll promise to take

goodcareofit."

Sarahuffs,andIcantellthatshe'sworkingonasassyreplyinsteadoffollowingmyorders.She'sa

feistyone,Iknewit.

Butnottoofeistytobypassanytroublebeforewe'reevengettingstarted.Asenseofsatisfactionruns

downmyspinewhensheliftsherhandsandbeginstounbuttonherblouse,hereyesstillfixatingonme.

Whatagoodgirl.

Theblouseslidesoffherbonyshoulders,revealingasmallchestandthetiniestwaistI'veeversetmy

eyes on. She's almost a bit too slim for my taste, but she makes up for it with her fit shape. She's a
ballerina, so of course she'll be dainty, but she's not frail or weak in the slightest. When she reaches
forwardinanattempttohandherblousetome,Icanseethemusclesflexinherarms.

"I'mnotyourservant,"Isay,butIstilltaketheblouseasshegivesittome.

"Well,Idon'twantmyclothesonthefloor,"shesays,bitingherlowerlip,asshecastsmeaslylook.

"Don't worry, this floor is as clean as it can get," I say, letting her blouse drop to our feet. "I have

someonetotakecareofthat,andshe'sverythorough."

Sheglaresatme.

"Whywouldy–?"

"Goahead,"Iinterrupther."Completelynaked,Isaid."

Shegroansandrollshereyes.

Fuck,thisaggravatesme.Ishouldgrabherbythehair,riptherestofherclothesoffofherbody,and

putherovermykneerighthereandnow.Thethoughtalonecausesmydicktoswell.

Itakeadeepbreath,myhandsclenchingintofistsasIworkonrestrainingmyself.

Despiteheropposition,shecontinuestoundress.Shedoesitpainfullyslowlyandwithnoregardto

elegance, which I'm sure she'd excel in as dancer, but not in her current state. I can still see she’s
intoxicatedwhenshestepsoutofherpantsandstartstostagger.Shelearnedfromherearliermistake,and
compliesbydroppingherclothesontheflooratherfeet.Beforeshereachesbacktounfastenherbra,she
castsalookatme,askingforreaffirmation.

Inod,beckoninghertocontinue.

Herbreastsaresmallandperky,justasIexpected.Ican'twaittosuckonherpinknipplesandseehow

muchtortureshecanhandle.They'rehardandstandingerect,thesameasmycockthat'spushingagainst
itsfabriccage.

Shelowershereyes,evadingmygazewhenshepullsdownherpanties,exposingperfectlyshavedlips

betweenhermuscularthighs.Herwholeposturechangesnowthatshe'sthisexposedinfrontofme.She
slouchesandtriestocoverherprivatepartswithherhands.

"Noreasontobeashamed,"Itellherinasoftvoice,steppingcloser."You'reperfect.Beautiful.Don't

trytohideyourself."

Icantellthatshehastosuppresstheurgetomoveawayfromme,butwhenIliftmyhand,touchingher

faceinsteadofherbody,sheleansintoitandstartstosuckonmythumbwhenIpushitbetweenherpartly
openedlips.

"Goodgirl,"Ipraiseher.

HereyelashesflutterwhenshelooksupatmeafterIsaythosewords.Shelikeshearingthem,that'sfor

sure.ButIwonderhowmuchshe'swillingtodotogetpraisedlikethis.

We'llhavetosee.

Ikeepmyhandonhercheek,whileshecontinuestosuckonmythumb,andthenIreachforwardwith

theother,aimingforthesweetspotbetweenherlegs.Sheflincheswhenshecanfeelmyfingersonthe
insideofherupperthigh.

Butshedoesn'tmoveawayortrytostopme.Instead,sheplacesherfeetfurtherapart,spreadingher

legsforme.

Iliketotakemytimeinthebeginning.Thefirstkiss,thefirstviewofhernakedbody,thefirsttouch,

thefirsttasteofherpussy.Allthosefirstsaretooenjoyabletoberushed.

Butmycockhasotherintentions.I'msofreakinghardthatit'sborderingonpainful.I'vehadtoomuch

todrinktodisplaythekindofpatienceI'dusuallyprefertohaveonafirstdate-andI'mtooturnedonby
her.

When I reach her center, I lose it. I carefully part her lips with two fingers, while a third slides

betweenthem,myactionsrewardedwiththemostalluringmoanescapingherlips.

She'sdrippingwet.Wehavebarelydoneanything,butshe'sjustasreadyasIam.

Fuckthis.

Againstmyoriginalintentions,Iattackherrighthereinthehallway,revelinginherheartygroansasI

startfuckingherwithonefingerfirst,soonaddinganother.Shesquealsandstartstowaver,holdingonto
myshouldersothatshedoesn'tfallover.

"Fuckme,"shepleads,theslicksoundsproducedbymyfingersplungingintoheratelltalesignofher

insanearousal.

Iwanttosayno.Iwanttotellherthatshe'llhavetobeagoodlittlegirlandwait.Iwantherbegging

andyearningformycock.Iwantheronallfours,chokingonmycock.IwantallofthatbeforeIshovemy
hardlengthintoherdrippingwetpussy.

ButIcan't.

Instead,Igrabherpetiteassandpickherup.Shewrapsherlegsaroundmywaist,pressingthatwet

centeragainstmycrotchanddesperatelygrindingme,whileIopenthedoortothebedroom.

Shepressesherlipsonmineandwe'rekissingwildlywhenwestumbleintothebedroom.Ilosemy

balancejustintimetothrowheronthebedbeforeI'mcollapsingontopofher.Herheavybreathingonly
fuelsmyhungerforher.WhenIhoveroverher,shereachesformycrotch,butIslapherhandsaway.

"No,"Ibarkather."Justspreadthoselegsforme,littlegirl."

Shegroansinprotest,butcomplieswithmywish.HerflexibilityallowsforasplendidviewasIfree

myerection,strokingmycockasIwatchherlyinginfrontofme,herslimbodysquirmingwithneedand
herlegsspreadapart,exposingherwetcenter.

IreachforthecondomIknowisinmypants'pocket,andquicklyripopenthepackage,pullitoutand

slide it over my throbbing cock. I place my hands at the inside of her thighs, spreading her legs even
furtherapartwhilethetipofmycockteasesherentrance.Shewatches,hereyeswideningasshegetsa
lookatthesizeofdickthat'sabouttofuckher.

"That's right," I whisper, as the head of my cock moves between her wet folds. "I'm going to stretch

yourpussylikeyou'veneverbeenstretchedbefore."

Shecastsmeafearfullook,butliftsherspreadlegs,eggingmeontomovefurtherbypushingwithher

feetatmyback.

"Whatahungrylittleslut,"Icomment."Well,ifyoudon'twanttowait,neitherwillI."

A pained shriek escapes her mouth when I thrust forward, shoving my entire length inside her petite

body.She'stight,butsowetthatIslideineasily.Ilowermyselfontopofher,mycockburiedballsdeep
insideherpussy.

She'sgaspingforair,herentirebodyspasmingandsquirmingbeneathme,asshetakesmyformidable

sizelikeagoodgirl.

"I'mgoingtofuckyousilly,"Ipromiseher,beforeIstartplunginginandoutofher,rockingherentire

bodyasIfuckherwithviolentforce.IknowIwon'tlastlong.She'stoomuchforme,it'stoolate,I'mtoo
influencedbythosedamndrinkswehad.

She'ssquealingwitheveryshove,herfaceaperfectpictureofpainandpleasure.

IwishIcouldfuckherallnight,inmorepositions,tieddown,withatoypluggingherperfectlittleass

addingpleasure,andherskinreddenedfromagoodspanking.

Butneitherofuscanlastthislongtonight.WaytoosoonIcanfeelhermusclesclenchingaroundmeas

sheclimaxeswithamindshatteringcry,takingmewithherovertheedgewithinseconds.

ChapterVI

Sara

Iturnaround,realizingthesoundofmyphoneiscomingfromapileofclothes-myclothes-under

whichIfindmypurseafterrummagingaroundforafewmoments.

"Hello?"Ianswerbreathlessly,withoutfirstcheckingthedisplay.

"Sara!"Oliviashoutsoutinreliefontheotherend."Shit,thankGodyou'realive!"

I reflexively squint my eyes in pain and move the phone away from my ear. The sound of her shrill

voicefeltlikesomeonewasdrillingrightintomyhead.

"Yes,I'mokay,"Ilie."I'msorry,Ididn't-"

"Wherethehellareyou?"sheinterruptsme,clearlydistressed.

Idon'tknow.Idon'tknowwhereIam.

"Areyoustillwiththatguy?"Oliviaasks."Theoneyouwenthomewith?"

"Yeah,I'mstillwith..."

AnotherboltofshocktravelsthroughmybodywhenIrealizeIhavenoideawhattheguy'snameis.

Fuck.

Hemusthavetoldmeatsomepointlastnight,butitslippedmymemoryjustlikealotofotherthings

did.

"...him,"Icompletemysentence."I'mstillathisplace.I'mokay."

"Youdon'tsoundokay,"Oliviaargues.

"Well,I'mhungover,"Iadmit."Hadabittoomuch."

Oliviasighsaudibly.

"Don'tblamemeforthat,"shesays."Idrankjustasmuchasyoudid.Notfeelingsogreatmyself,butI

alwaysunderestimatehowlittleyoucanhandle.Youneedtodevelopahighertolerance."

Sure.That'smybiggestconcernrightnow:beingabletodrinkmore.

"I'msorryyouworried,"Isay."Itextedyou,though!Justlikewesaidwewould."

"Yes,yes,"shesays."Buthaveyouseenyourtexts?They'reallovertheplacewithtypos,sounlike

you.Itriedtocallyoulikeabilliontimes.Seriously,Iwasthisclosetocallingthepolice!"

Igrimaceatheroverreaction."Thepolice?Why?"

"Thisisso...unlikeyou,"shesays,worried."You'veneverjustgonehomedrunkoutofyourmindwith

arandomguy.Whosayshedidn'tkidnapyouandwastheonetypingthosetexts?"

"Olivia,yourfantasy..."

"Whatever,"shesays,addingasigh."I'mjustgladyou'realive.Whereareyouat?Whereishisplace?

Doyouknowhowyou'llgethome?"

Ihavenoidea.IhaveabsolutelynocluewhereIamorhowIwillgethome.

"He'stakingme,"Ilie."Afterbreakfast."

"Uuuh,"Oliviapipes."He'smakingyoubreakfast?Fancy!Ineedtohearallaboutthis!"

"WhenIgethome,"Iappeaseher."Later."

"Bye,girl,"shesays.Icanpracticallyseethegrinonherfacejustbytheliltinhersassyvoice.Olivia

willbeallovermeonceIstepinsideourapartment,Icanbesureofthat.

Isighasweendthecall,absentmindedlyputtingmyphoneinoneoftherobe'spockets.

This is a fine mess. How can I not even remember this guy's name? And how can I ask him without

comingacrossasthestupidestslutalive?

Whatmusthethinkofme?

How could I let myself go like this? Why did I drink so much? Why did I go home with him in that

messed-upstate?

Maybe it wasn't all my fault? Maybe he drugged me? Who knows, maybe he slipped a roofie in my

drinkwhenIwasn'tlooking?

However, he doesn't strike me as a guy who'd have to resort to this method to get a girl to go home

with him. Far from it. He‘s insanely attractive, and judging from the looks of his penthouse, he's pretty
wealthy,too.

Whoever he is, he's waiting for me, and I'm not making things any less awkward by lingering in his

bedroomwhilehe'souttherewaitingformewithbreakfast.Iplacemyhandonthedoorknobandslowly
turnit,unsurewhatwaytogoonceIleavetheroom.Ipauseforamoment,lookingtomyright.There's
nothingtherebutahallwaywithalotofcloseddoorsonboththeleftandright.Idecidetoturnleft,and
realizethere'sastaircaseleadingdowntoanotherlevel.MybreathcatcheswhenIreachthetopofthe
stepsandamconfrontedwiththemostbeautifulview.Theopenstairwayleadsdowntoagiganticopen
livingspacewithcathedralceilingsandafloor-to-ceilingwindowextendingtheentirelengthofthefarm
wallwithapanoramicviewofthecityskyline.

Beneath me, I can hear him rummaging around in what must be the kitchen. I know I'm gawking as I

slowlymakemywaydownthestairs,butIdon'tcare.Thisisinsane.Howloadedisthisguy?Whatkind
ofjobmustonehavetobeabletoaffordaplacelikethisinacitylikethis?

It'shardtoturnmyattentionawayfromthewindowandthemagnificentview.WhenIfinallyshiftmy

attentiontomyright,Ifindhimstandingbehindabar-likeislandseparatingtheopenkitchenareafromthe
livingroompouringcoffee.

Heglancesupatme,raisingahandsomeeyebrow.

"Couldn'tfindyourway?"heasks.

"I'msorry,"Imumble,approachinghim.

I feel so shitty and look so bedraggled, and he's looking all clean and coiffed and way out of my

league.WhyamIstillhere?Whatdoeshewantfromsomeonelikeme?

Itappearshe'spreparedsomeeggs,baconwithtoast,allthefoodplatedonthecounterinfrontofhim.

He'spouringmeacupofcoffee,beckoningmewithhiseyestositdownatoneofthehighstoolsinfront
ofthebar.

IwokeupinthemostbeautifulhomeI'veeverbeenin,sleptwithamanwho'sexquisitivelyhandsome,

andwhoisactinglikeagentlemanthemorningafter,greetingmewithamuchneededbreakfast.

Ifitjustweren’tforthesesplittingheadachesandthatfeelingofshamefulregret.

ChapterVII

Lux

Well,thisisafirst.MepreparingbreakfastforoneofthegirlsIdraggedhomefromtheclub.Idon't

knowifmyparentswouldbeproudorappalledatthis.

Oriftheywouldevencareatall.

Shecomesfragilelydownthestairslookinglikealostdoll.She’swrappedinmyrobethatIleftfor

heronmybed,herhairstillrumpledandmake-upsmearedfromlastnight.It‘snolongerdisguisingher
porcelainskinandemphasizingherdelicatefeatures,onlyblotchesofitremainingfromourwildnight.
She gawks at my living room as she descends the stairs, quickly entranced by the view from my
panoramicwindow,andittakesheraminutebeforeshefinallyturnsaroundandseesme.Evenwithout
judgingherbyherclothes,herinstinctivereactiontomyhometellsmeenoughaboutherbackgroundto
knowshewouldn'tbeconsideredasuitablematchinmyfamily'seyes.

"Couldn'tfindyourway?"Iaskher.

Shepursesherlipsandshakesherhead."I'msorry."

Ibeckonhertositdownatthecounterandplaceamugofsteamingcoffeeinfrontofher.

Shesitsdownonthehighstooloppositemeandassessesthefood,thecoffee,andthenhereyesfind

me.

"Didyoudrugme?"sheaskshesitantly.

Ifurlmyeyebrows."Excuseme?"

"Didyoudrugme?"sherepeatsherquestion,nowplacingbothherelbowsonthecounter."Didyou

slipmearoofieorsomething?"

Herquestiondisgustsme.Whothehelldoesshethinksheis?Shedrinksherselfintoastupor,suffersa

blackout from her irresponsibly stupid behavior, and then she dares to accuse me of drugging her so I
couldbringherhomewithme?

"You're welcome," I say, glancing toward the breakfast in front of her. "And no, I told you before, I

didn'tfuckingdrugyou.Thatwasallyou,younglady."

Her eyes flicker and she reaches for the coffee, bringing the mug up to her lips without losing eye

contactwithme.

"Youpoisonedyourself,andifanything,youshouldbegratefultome,"Iadd.Iplaceaplateandacup

of coffee for myself at the seat next to hers, and then walk around the corner of the bar to sit down,
deliberatelytouchingherslim,muscularthighintheprocess.

"Eat,"Itellher.

Shesighs,butreachesforasliceofthebutteredtoast.

"Notthehealthyballerinachoice,Iknow,"Isay."Butyouneedsomethingrealinsideyourstomachto

soakupthatresidualalcohol."

"No,it'sgreat,"shesays,turningtome."IbetIcouldsurpriseyou.Dancersactuallyeatalotmorethan

mostpeoplethink.Weworkoutalotandneedthefuel."

Ismirkather."You'reright,youdosurpriseme."

Shesmiles,agenuineglowsparklinginhereyes.

"Yousurprisedme,too,"shesays,noddingtowardthefood."Imeanreally,breakfast?That'salotof

effortforaone-nightstand."

"Whosaysthishastobeaone-nightstand?"Iaskher.

Shelooksatmeinsurprise,hereyebrowsarched,assheslowlychewsonabiteoftoast."It'snot?"

I shake my head, acting as if her assumption is absolutely ridiculous, which of course, it's not. Had

things gone differently, I would have long ago sent her home without even bothering to remember her
name.Onenight,onefuck-that'susuallyenoughforme.Therehavebeenafewgirlsworthyofasecond
and even third time, but they were sent off quickly thereafter. I enjoy the hunt too much, the chase, the
conquering, the long dance leading up to a heated exchange between strangers. Second and third dates
onlymadesenseforthegoodgirls,thegirlswho'dbendtomywill,whoshiveredwiththeneedtodrop
downontheirkneesinfrontofme,eagertoplease,eagertoobey.

Eagertosubmit.

Saramayhavethiseagerness,butit'shiddenbeneathalotofsass,afeistyattitude,andastrongwill.

All of this I can only assume, as she was too drunk to truly be herself last night. Last night, she was
nothingbutaneasyfuck.Tooeasy,tooquick.Andshecannotrememberanything.

Imayhavefuckedher,butIdon'tfeelasifI'vehadeverythingshecangiveme,andIneedtofindout

allshecanoffer.

IneedhertofindouthowmuchIcangiveaswell.It'sfrustratingtofuckagirlandthennothaveher

rememberanything.Ican'tleavethingslikethis.

The pursuit is not over with her. That's why we're having breakfast, that's why she's still here, and

that'swhyIwillasktoseeheragainbeforeIcallacartotakeherhome.

"One-nightstandsarenotmything,"Ilie."It'scheapandunsatisfying.Iwouldliketoseeyouagain."

Ipause,catchingherblueeyeswithmygaze,beforeIadd,"Iwanttofuckyouagain.Andthistime,

you‘llremember."

Sheblushesatmywordsandreachesforthecoffeemug,asifitwasalifeline.

"I...Idon'tknow,"shestutters."Idon'thavealotoftime,andtheseasonisnotoveryet,and-"

"Theseason?"Iask.

Hereyelashesflutterasshelooksatme,stillholdingthecoffeemuguptoherface.

"Balletseason,"shesays."Istillhaveperformances."

"So?"Isay."I'msureyou'renotonstageeverysinglenight."

"No,but-"

"So,then,youwantthistobeaone-nightstand?"Iinterrupther,tryingtoremaincalmandnotlether

seethefrustrationthat'sboilingupinsideme.

Shestartsnibblingonthebaconandavertshereyesfrommine.

"It'snot...no,Idon'tknow,"shemumbles."Ijustexpectedittobe."

"Youdon'tevenrememberhavingsexwithmelastnight,"Isay."I'msurprisedyou'renotevencurious.

Accordingtoyourmemory,this,“Imotionbackandforthbetweenuswithmyhands,“neverhappened.
Maybeitdidn't."

Shefrownsatme."Soyou'relyingtome?"

"No,"Isay,shakingmyhead."ButIcouldbe."

Shehuffs."Maybeitjustwasn'tmemorableenough."

Rageisplayinghavocwithmyinsides.IfIdidn'thavetoworrythatitmightscareheraway,I'dgrab

herrightthisinstant,pullupthatrobe,andexposehertight,tinyassforaspankingshecouldneverforget,
soberornot.

I'mnotgoingtobeg,orevenask,toseeheragain.I'vesaideverythingsheneededtohear,andshe'll

eitherbiteorshewon‘t.I'mnotgoingtowooher.It’slongpastthat.Wedidallofthisatthebar.Thisis
themomentwhereshe'ssupposedtojumpatthetiniestopportunityIgiveher.It'sherturntowantmore,to
beg,even.

"Finishyourbreakfast,"Ihiss."I'mgoingtocallyouacaronceyou'redone."

Shecastsmeaconfusedlook,butobeys,turningherattentionbacktothefoodinfrontofher.There's

noasking,nobegging,noexchangeofinformationuntilIsendheroff,convincedthatIwillneverseethis
girlagain.

ChapterVIII

Sara

I'm sitting in the car that he called for me. There was no point in arguing, and he made a very good

pointwhenhesaidthatIdon'tevenknowwhereIam.Besides,it'ssocomfortableandconvenienttobe
drivenhomelikethis,aluxuryIdon'tusuallygettoenjoy–actually,aluxuryIneverhaveenjoyeduntil
now.

The crushing pain in my head is torturing me, even though breakfast helped a lot, a reminder of last

night.

Hemaybeaniceguy,nicerthanIfirstassumed.Butofcourse,I'mrunningawayfromhim,too.

Imadearesolutiontomyselfnotallthatlongago,tostayawayfromthebadones.ThebadboyswhoI

havealwaysbeenattractedto,drawninbytheirtattoos,theirfuck-it-allattitude,theirrulebreakingand
rebelactions.

Theyaretheexactoppositeofmyeverydaylife,myroutine,myjob,mypassion.Balletisstrict,rule-

oriented, with its movements not allowing for even the slightest misstep. It fascinates me, and there's
somethingoddlyreassuringandrelaxingaboutit,bothatthesametime.I'vebeendrawntodancesincea
veryyoungage,andthestrictrulesandthought-outsequenceswerepartofthereasonwhy.

Butitwasn'tenoughforme.Ididn'tjustwanttofollowtherulesandbatheintheircomfort-atsome

point,Istartedwantingtobreakthem.Iwantedtobearebel,oratleastbesomeonewhoknowsthatshe
couldbearebel,ifshewantedto.

I needed an escape, a dark secret dangerous enough to give me a much needed thrill, but still safe

enoughnottoendangermybigdreamofbecomingaprofessionaldancer.

I didn't want to become a bad girl, but I wanted to be close to someone who knew how to push the

limitsinawaythatIcouldneverdo.That'swhyIstartedtogoafterthem,thebadboys.Iwasdrawnto
themlikeamothtoaflame.ButIlackedthetimeandthefreedomtodateasIpleased.Mostboyswho
crossed my path were fellow dancers, and they were just as goody-goody and well-behaved as I was.
Plus,Ihadareputationtomaintain.

Oliviawastheonewhointroducedmetoadifferentlifestyle.She'satheateractressandmovesina

different social circle than I do. When we became roommates a few years ago, we were in a similar
situation, at the start of an artistic career and both struggling financially. Not a lot has changed in that
regard, but we both have different ways of handling the stress that comes with our careers. She parties
anddrinksalot-Idanceanddate.However,thelatterisasecretofmine.

ThefirsttimeIwentoutwithher,Oliviaintroducedmetotheworldofdatingapps.

"It'ssoconvenient,"shesaid."Especiallyforusgirls.Youcangetadate,hook-up,andiftheguy‘snot

whatyou'relookingfor,it’snotabigdealifdoesn'tturnintoanythingmoreserious."

She was drunk when she first showed me, and we were swiping through a ridiculously long list of

boysonherphone,gigglingandjudging.Ionlyinstalledtheappbecauseshemademe,butInevertoldher

howmuchI'veuseditsincethen.

BecauseIfeelashamedaboutit.

I feel sick at the thought of it. I've dated more guys than I'd ever be willing to admit, and I've done

someveryquestionablethings,justtogetthatshort-livedrush.Itwasn'tevenaboutthesex.Itwasmore
aboutdoingsomethingthatwasdifferent,naughty,andsomethingI'msuremostofmyfriendswouldnever
expect me to do. It was fun and it was easy. I don't have a lot of extra time to date, and I could never
committoaseriousrelationship,soitwasperfectforme.

Butitalsomademefeelbadaboutmyself.Notwhileitwashappening,butafterward.Itwasaweird

circle. I’d be feeling lonely and in the mood for an adventure, so I’d pick a guy who I wanted to
accompanymeonthatadventure,meethim,fuckhim—maybeonce,maybetwice,sometimesmorethan
that.SomeofthemturnedintoflingsthatIcouldcallupalmostanytime,thatisuntiloneortheotherofus
gotboredwiththewholethingandwasreadytofindsomeonenew.

Ialwayspickedaveryspecifictype.Niceboysdon'tdothiskindofthing,sotheguysIwentforall

hadthistasteofwrongnessaboutthem.They'dallbeconsideredterribleboyfriendmaterial,whichwas
finebyme.Theywererough,bruised,fucked-upjustenoughtostillbeokay,butnotentirelysane.Thesex
withthemwasoftenbrutish,sometimesboring,andsometimessoviolentthatIstartedtodoubtmyown
sanityforlikingitthisway.

Butitwasallokay,itwasfun,itwasintense,itwasmydarklittlesecret.

Untiloneofthemhurtme.Physically.

Itwasn'tintentional,andIthinkhewastheonewhofreakedoutmoreaboutitthanIdid.Hewasoneof

theroughestguysIhadeversleptwith-andoneofmyfavorites.Healwaysleftbruisesallovermybody,
andheenjoyedworkingwithabodyassmallandlightweightasmine.Hegrabbedme,heldmeup,and
threwmearoundwhilewewerefucking,asifIwasaragdoll-andIlovedit.

However,oneofthosetimes,hethrewmealittletoofarandusedtoomuchforce.Hisintentionwasto

throw me on the bed, but he underestimated his strength combined with my light weight and instead of
landingonthemattress,Icrashedrightagainstthebedpost.Ihitmyheadandscratchedmylegupsobadly
thatbloodwasgushingalloverthecovers.IalmostendedupbreakingmywristasItriedtocushionmy
crashonthefloor,too.

Iwillalwaysrememberthatnight.Thefall,thebone-crushingpain,thehorrifiedlookonhisfaceashe

realizedwhathadjusthappened,thebloodalloverthefloorandthesheets...

Hewasanex-convictandonprobationatthetime.Ofcourse,hethoughtI'daccusehimofrapingme,

hurtingmeonpurpose,andhe’dgetsentbacktoprison.Hewastheperfectmixofbeingfucked-upwitha
resentfulheart,packagedinarippedbodyofsomeonewhowantedtodobetter,tobebetter.Andthenthat
happened.

It's been months since that night, but I still choke up at the memory. My eyes are glued to the streets

outside the window as the car travels along unknown roads on the drive home. I try to blink away the
tears.

Ineverblamedhim.Iknewitwasanaccident,itcouldhavehappenedtoanyone.

Butitdidn'thappentoanyone.Ithappenedtous,anex-convictwhocouldn’tcontrolhisownstrength

andayounggirlwhoseentirelifeplanwasbuiltonmaintainingherstrength.Itwasonlyascratch,adeep

one,butnothingmorethansuperficialinjury.Mywristdidn'tbreak,butitstillhurtforalmostaweek.

Worsethingscouldhavehappened.Andtheyalmostdid.Hecouldhavebrokenmywrist,ormyankle.

I wouldn't have been able to dance for weeks. It happended during the middle of ballet season. How
couldIhavebeensoreckless?

IalmostletsomethingasminorassexendangermycareerbecauseIinsistedonsleepingaroundwith

guyslikehim.Guyswhoknownothingbuthowtoberough,whowouldfuckmeinawaythatIneeded,
but who also failed to control their strength, because it was driven by aggression and a deeply seeded
fury.

Icouldn'tgoonlikethis.

That'swhyIstopped-orsoIthought.

This season had been going very well in many aspects, and I ascribe some of it to the fact that I no

longerfollowedmybaddatinghabits.Ihardlydatedatall,butwhenIdid,itusuallyjustinvolvedhaving
aninnocentdrinkwithanotherdancer.I'veonlyhadsextwicethisseason-untillastnightthatis-andin
bothcases,itwasaveryvanillaversionofmypreviousencounters.

Itwassafe.Itwaskindandsweet.

Itwasmindnumbinglyboring.

Ishouldhaveknownthatniceguysaren'tmything,butIwasstillsurprisedtoseehowlittleIenjoyed

theircompany.

Andtheguylastnight?Helookslikeabadboy,that'sforsure.Hetalkslikeone,too,andfromwhat

littleIrememberfromlastnight,he'scertainlynotagentleman.Butwhilehehadaprettystraightforward
wayoftalkingtome,hetreatedmeverynicelythismorning.Hemadebreakfastforme,andhemadesure
thatIwasfeelingokaybeforehecalledacartotakemehome.

A truly bad boy wouldn't do that, would he? Unless he had some ulterior motives that I don't know

about.

He confuses me, and I'm shocked at myself for what I did with him. I pledged to stay away from

troublelikethis,andinsteadofkeepingupmyattemptatbeinggood,Ilosecontrolalloveragainandend
upstumblingintotheendoftheseasonwithablackoutandariskyencounterwithGodknowswho.

Iblamehimforthis.Despitehisoddlycaringbehaviorthismorning,Idon'tfeellikeIcantrusthim.A

niceguyneverwouldhaveletthishappen.Aniceguyneverwouldhavetakenagirlhomewhenshewas
asdrunkasIwaslastnight.

Aniceguywouldn'tdowhathedid.

Thismanscreamstrouble,andIvowI’mgoingtostayawayfromhim.

ChapterIX

Sara

"Finally!"Oliviacommentsuponmyreturn,assoonasIclosethedoorbehindmyself.

Ifindhersittinginthekitchen,curledupinherusualcorneronourbench,stillwearingherpajamas.

She’smindlesslybrowsingonthetabletweshareasshewaitedformetogethome.ItwasaChristmas
presentfrombothofustobothofus,sinceneitheroneofuswaswillingtosaveuplongenoughtobuy
one.It'sprobablythebiggestinvestmentwe'vemadesincemovingintogether.

"Youlookterrible,"sheadds,raisinghereyebrowsandcastingmeareproachfullook.

"Thanks,"Ireply."Dowestillhavesomeaspirin?"

OliviashrugsandwatchesmeasIopenthecabinetnexttoourfridgetolookforsome.

IsighwithreliefwhenIfindonelastAdvilinthebottle.Olivia'seyesarefixatedonmeasIproceed

togetmyselfsomewatertowashitdown.Iknowshe'sdyingtohearmytalefromlastnight.

ThegoodthingaboutnotrememberingmostofitisthatIwon'thavetolietoher.

I'm met with her expectant face looking at me when I turn around and lean back against the kitchen

counter.

"Hungover?"sheasks,eventhoughtheanswershouldbeobvious.

Inod."Ihaven'tfeltthisshittysince...well,ever."

Olivialetsoutadisdainfullaugh."Oh,Sara,you'resocutesometimes."

Irollmyeyesatherandtakeanothersipfrommywaterglass.

"So,howwasit?"Oliviaaddsanotherquestion,aratherintrusiveone,ifyouaskme.

Icastheranindignantlook."Nice.Niceenough.Hemademebreakfast."

"Breakfast?" she asks, raising her eyebrows. "What a gentleman. And what a hottie! Damn girl, he

lookshot!I'mnotgonna‘lie,IwasalittlejealouswhenIsawhim.Helookslikesomeoneyoucanbuy."

Shepausesandchuckles,shakingherhead."However,hedidnotlooklikethekindofguywho'dmake

youbreakfastthenextmorning."

"Yousawhim?"Iwonderoutloud,justnowrealizingthatIcan'trememberhowwelefttheclubeither.

Oliviatiltsherheadtothesideandpursesherlips.

"Yes,Italkedtohim,"shesays."Youwerestandingrightnexttous!Youwereabouttoleavetheclub,

andIfollowedyouguystomakesureyouwereokay.Youintroducedhimtome,Iexchangedafewwords
withhim..."

Shestopstalking,observingmyfaceasshefurlshereyebrowsinsuspicion.

"Youdon'tremember?"sheasks,incredulously.

Fuck.

No,Idon'tremember.Idon'trememberanythingaboutanything.AndIcanseethatthesamesuspicionI

hadisnowgrowinginsideOlivia'shead.

"Idranktoomuch,"Iadmit."I...Imayhavehadalittleblackout."

"A little blackout?" she asks, her eyebrows still furled. "Are you sure he didn't put anything in your

drink?"

No,I'mnotsure.Ican'tbesureofanythingrightnow.ButIwanttotrusthimwhenheassuredmethat

hedidn't.

"Prettysureitwasjustthealcohol,"Isay,castingheralook."Theshots.Ishouldn'thavehadsomany

shots,really."

Olivialeansbackinherchairandraisesherhandsupindefense."Don'tblamemeforthat!"

It would be easy to blame her for making me drink this much, but I know Olivia would never have

forcedme.Icouldhavesaidno,andshestillwouldhavebeenmyfriend,albeitmydisappointedfriend.

"I'mnotblamingyou,"Isay."I'monlyblamingmyself."

"Well,I'mgladyou'rehomeandsafe,"shesays."Andyoudidhaveagoodnight,didn'tyou?"

Ihuff."AsfarasIcanremember,yes,Idid."

"Willyouseehimagain?"Oliviawantstoknow.

Ishakemyhead."Idon'tthinkso."

"Whynot?"sheprobes."Areyoujustone-nightstandmaterialtohim?"

Thedisgustisaudibleinhervoice.

"No,"Isay."Butheistome."

"Oooh!"Oliviaexclaims,herfacechangingtoawidegrin."Damngirl,harsh!Ididn'tthinkyouhadit

inyou."

That's only because she doesn't know me as well as she thinks. If Olivia was aware of my erratic

datingbehavior,shewouldnotbesurprisedatthisasmuchassheisnow.

"Haveitinme,huh?"Ireplytoher."So,it'scoolwhenIwantittoremainaone-nightstand,butnotif

hedoes?"

Shelaughs."Genderequality,Sara.Youknowhowitworks."

Idon'tknowwhatshemeansbythat,butIletitgo.Ishouldn'tbedwellingonallofthisanylonger.I

haveanotherperformancecominguptomorrownightandneedtobefitenoughtoheadtothedancestudio
assoonaspossibleforpractice.ThishangoverandeverythingthatcomeswithitisthelastthingIneed
rightnow.

"I'mgonna‘liedownuntilthisAdvildoesitsmagic,"Iannounce."I'vegottogettothestudiotoday."

"You'llbefine,"Oliviasays,hervoicechangingtoamotherlytone."Youalwaysare.Theseasonis

almostover,isn'tit?"

Inod."Twomoreweeks."

Oliviacastsmeasmile."See!Soonyou'llbeabletorelax,andwe'llheadoutforanothernightoffun.

Maybenotasmuchasfunasyouhadlastnight,though."

Shewinksatmeandmystomachturns.

Ileavethekitchenandgrabmypurseoffthesidetablebythedoorontheway,tryingtofindmyphone

soIcansetanalarmtowakemeupinaboutanhour.Butit'snotthere.Myhandsinstinctivelywanderto
myjeanspockets,searchingthereforthephone,butit'snotthereeither.Mypulsespeedsup.Whereismy
phone?Ican'tpossiblyhavelostit?

There'sone more option,and I headback to the hallway,rummaging through mycoat hanging on the

rack.Mysearchremainsunsuccessful,andmythoughtsbegintorace,tracingbackthroughthemorningas
bestasIcan.

Thenithitsme.

IleftmyphoneintherobeIworethismorning.IcompletelyforgotaboutitwhenIgotdressedbecause

Iwasinsuchahurrytogetoutofthere.

Myphoneiswith...him!

ChapterX

Lux

Iwasn'tgoingtodoit.Iwasn'tgoingtogoafterher.I'mnofuckingRomeowhocanbebewitchedby

somerandomchickthateasily.Sure,itsucksthatshedidn'tturnouttobewhoIwashopingfor,agood
littleslutwhobendstomywilleventhoughitdisagreeswitheverythingshebelievesin.ButI'llbeokay
withouther.Thereareplentyofotherprettygirlsjustwaitingforamanlikemetobreakthemin-andthen
dropthemoncehe'sdonewiththem.

Butthenherphonerings.I'mconfusedwhenIfirstheartheringtone.Classicalmusicisn'tsomething

that'splayedveryofteninmyapartment,ifever.Eventhoughthemelodysoundsfamiliar,Icannotplace
it,nordoIevenknowthesourceofwhereit’scomingfromatfirst.

I'm just getting out of the shower after a hard workout when I hear the music coming from my

playroom,thebedroominwhichshespentthenight.WhenIopenthedoorandstepinsidetheroom,my
confusiononlygrowsonceIrealizethemuffledsoundisn'tcomingfromanyofmyelectronics,butfrom
the robe I had given her to wear. She left it on the floor, right next to the bed I fucked her on. For a
moment,I’maggravatedthatshejustdroppedtherobeontheflooranddidn’tevenhavethecourtesyto
leaveitonthebed.Ipickuptherobefromthefloorandaphonethat'sdefinitelynotminefallsfromthe
pocket.

Iglanceatthescreenoftheoldermodel,ratherbeat-up,phone.Unknowncallerappearsonthelighted

display.Themusicalringtonecontinuestoplay.Onceitfinallystopsringing,Iturnthephoneoverinmy
palmandfindabunchofgirlystickersplasteredalloverit.Howolddidshesayshewas?Twenty-two?
Thisphonelookslikeitcouldbelongtoa12-yearold.

I sigh as I sit down on the edge of the bed, observing the phone in my hand. It's gone silent, and

whoevertriedtocallhermusthavegivenup.Maybeitwasevenher.Shemusthavenoticedbynowthat
sheleftherphonehere.

Whatanuisance.NowIhavetoseeheragain.

Maybesheleftitonpurpose?Itwouldbethemostpatheticattempttoseemeagainanygirlhastried

yet.

Iswitchthescreenbackontoseewhethershe'ssmartenoughtoprotectherphonewithaPIN.IknowI

shouldn't be doing this, but once I realize I have access to a bunch of private information that's usually
inaccessibletostrangers,Ican'thelpbutdigforit.Theobviousmovewouldbetolookfornudesinher
gallery,butI'mnotdesperateenoughforsomethingthatadolescent.However,there'sonethingthatpops
rightupwhenthescreenlightsup:hercalendar.

"Studioat2,"itreadsfortoday,followedbyanotherentrythatisfarmoreinteresting.

Shehassomethingscheduledtomorrowevening.Itonlysaystwowords:SwanLake.

It’s one of the few ballets I'm familiar with, but I wonder whether she's attending a performance or

participatinginit.

Igetupfromthebed,takingherphonewithme.Ifwhatshetoldmeaboutherselfistrue,theanswer

mayonlybeashortGooglesearchaway.

Idon'tevenknowwhatI'mdoing,butIcan'tignorethelittleleapmyheartdoeswhenIsitdowninmy

leather office chair and boot my laptop to life. Staring at my computer screen as the theater’s website
opens,Irealizesheisindeedonstagetomorrow,andwillbeperforminginoneofthemostfamousballet
performancesknowntoman.She'slistedasamemberofthecorpsdeballet,andwhilesheonlytoldme
herfirstname,I'mrelievedtodiscoverthereisonlyoneSaralistedfortheperformance.SaraCrane.

"Well, Miss Crane," I whisper, my lips forming a thin smile. "Seems like we're not quite done with

eachother."

It's short notice, very short notice. But nothing is too short notice for someone like me. It's true that

moneycan’tbuyeverything,butitcangetmewhereIwanttobetomorrowevening.

The best part of the show, though, will take place after the final act -- when I pay a personal visit

backstage.

ChapterXI

Sara

We're nearing the end of Act II. I'm standing offstage, watching and waiting as the group of Swans

finishestheirdance.Myheartisracing,poundingagainstmyribs,asitalwaysdoesatthispointofthe
performance.ActII,thefourthmovementofnumberthirteen,thefamousDanceoftheLittleSwans.Four
identical-looking swans, moving in perfect unison, as they make their way across the stage, all eyes on
them - and I am one of them. It's an honor to perform this dance, an honor I earned through years of
grueling practice and hard work. A lot of sweat, pain, and tears have gone into this short dance, those
ninetysecondsinfrontofthespotlight.

I can't believe I almost endangered having my chance at this opportunity with my stupid behavior.

Adonisornot,goodboyorbadboy,itdoesn'tmatter.Heshouldn'tmatter.Istillcan'tremembermostof
ournighttogether,buttheguyisstilltrappedinsidemyhead.Ileftmyphoneathisplace–sostupidofme
– and I've tried to call several times in an attempt to get it back, but he never answered. I sent text
messages, too, but he never responded to those either. Does he intend to keep my phone? Has he even
foundit?Hecan’tbeathief,canhe?

Well,wouldn'tthatbeanewlow?Gettingdrunkoutofmymind,spendingthenightwithacomplete

stranger,andthenbeingrobbedbyhim.

The idea doesn’t make sense to me, though. From everything I've seen, it's safe to assume that he's

insanelywealthy.Whywouldhestealanoldphonefromsomenobodygirllikeme?

Why would he? It seems that I have quite a few questions about this man starting with those exact

words.

I shake my head, trying to get rid of him--thoughts of him, the image of him, the smell of him, his

gorgeouseyes.

Ineedtofocus.

We'restandinginposition,waitingourturn,andIknowthattheotherthreegirlsfeelexactlythesame

asIdorightnow.We'reallpartofthecorps,andthisistheoneperformancewherewehaveachanceto
standout,toputourselvesinthespotlight,frontandcenter,andbatheinthekindofattentionthatisusually
reservedforsoloists.

Iloveit.Iliveforthesemoments,fortheseninetyseconds.Butthey'realsothemostchallengingninety

secondsoftheentireperformance.

"Ready," Isabella whispers. She's standing to my right and will be the first to enter the stage, I’ll

followhernext,andthentheremainingtwoswans,LisaandSophia,comelast.

I'velookeduptoIsabellaeversincewestartedwiththecompany.We'rethesameageandthesame

level, but somehow I've always felt inferior performing next to her. She's so talented, so elegant, and
rathertallforaballerina,whichdoesn'thelpwithmyfeelingsmallernexttoher.It'sasurprisetheyletus
dancesocloselytooneanother,astheheightdifferencealonebetweenusdisturbsthesynchronousunity

betweenourgroupoffour.

OdetteandSiegfriedfinishtheirbeautifulbutsaddancetogether,andastheyleavethestage,wewait

forourcuetoenter.OnceIsabellaistakingthefirststep,mefollowingrightbehind,itseemslikethere’sa
switchturnedoninsidemyhead.I’mnolongerawareofanythingbutthemusic,thestage,andthefourof
us.Therestoftheswansarelinedupnexttousinoneofthoseexcruciatinglystrenuousstandingposes
that’ssohardtomaintain,yetreceivessolittleappreciation.Wetakeposition,connectedtoeachotherby
holdinghands,ourheadsturningrightandthenslowlymovingtotheleftinabigcircle,asourfeettakeus
to the right in perfect unison. Almost perfect, I should say. I'm sure no one in the audience notices, but
there'salwaysalittlesomethingthatdoesn'tgoexactlyasplanned.Someonemovingalegtoofast,turning
aheadtooslowly,orsometimestoomuchdistancebetweentwoofus,whenweshouldalwaysremainin
line,movingattheexactsamepace.

Minorerrorslikethesearehard,ifnotimpossible,toeliminate.Tonight,I'mtheonemessingupatone

point. When I almost meet the eyes of Lisa, the swan to my left, I realize that the circle of my head
movementwastoofast.

Ihatewhentheselittlemishapshappen,butI'velearnednottodwellonthem,especiallywhileI'mstill

onstage.Ourmagicalninetysecondsfeelasiftheylastforaneternity,andyetthey'reoverwaytoosoon.
BeforeIknowit,Ifindmyselfononeknee,elegantlyleaningforward,stretchingmyarmsasfarforward
aspossible.Thetensionrunsallthewayuptomyfingertips,eventhoughitappearsthatI’mdisplayingan
effortlesselegance.Nothingaboutballetiseffortless,butwehavetomakeitlookthatway.

As we stride off the stage, our arms still extended like the wings of the beautiful swans we’re

embodying,Ican'thelpbutsmile.Myheartisracingandsweatisrunningdownmyneck,mysmallchest
heaving beneath the tight and uncomfortable costume. My muscles are trembling from exhaustion, the
chronicpainofcontinuousstresstravelingthroughmylegsandfeet-butIcouldn'tbehappier.Nothingis
easierthanexhibitingagorgeous,flyingswanwhenI'mfeelingashighasIamnow.Nothingintheworld
cangivemethisfeeling,andIfeelsorryforthosewhonevergettoexperienceit.

Weretreatbehindstageandcatchourbreath,asthenextgroupofswansentersfortheirperformance.

We'reonlyabouthalfwaydonewiththeperformance.Ialwaysgetalittlesadoncethesecondactisdone
becauseitisbyfarmyfavorite.Iloveourcostumes,andIlovetheroleoftheswan,preferringitabove
almosteveryotherroleI'veeverplayed.

Ofcourse,myrepertoireisstillrathersmall,especiallybecauseI'veonlyeverbeenpartofthecorps.I

haveyettobecastinaroleasasoloist,andIcannotwaitforthatdaytohappen.

Act III and IV pass by, and by the final bow, I'm breathing heavily, sweating profusely beneath my

heavy make-up and extravagant costume. We're a sea of white, an ever-moving group of skinny girls in
whitetutus,whitefeathersgracingourheads.Theheadpiecesaremyfavoritepartofthecostume.Ilove
howthepurewhitecolorclasheswithmyblackhair,makingmelookandfeellikeanactualswan.

"Thatwentwell,"Isabellapipesnexttomeaswedisappearbackstage,ourtutusrustlinginthecrowd

ofballerinas.

"IskippedabeatinActII,"Isay,tryingnottosoundtoowhinybecauseIknowthatIsabellahatesself-

pity.

"Noonenoticed,"shereplies,tappingmeontheshoulder.

"Youdid,"Isay,winkingather.

Shehuffs."Iwasdancingrightnexttoyou,howcouldInot?"

"Sara!"Ihearavoicecallingoutbehindus."Sara!SaraCrane!"

I turn around, confused as to who'd be calling for me here and now. I see Miss Bellaforte, the

conductor’sassistant,wavingformefromacrossthehall.She'stallerthanmostofusdancersandsticks
out,asshe'stheonlyonenotdressedentirelyinwhite,orinatutu,forthatmatter.

Whatdoesshewantfrommenow?DidIforgetsomething?Iinstinctivelytouchmyheadpiece,trying

to figure out if I might have dropped a pin or a feather or another part of my costume. Things like that
happenallthetime,especiallytome,andit'stheonlyreasonIcanthinkofwhyMissBellafortewouldbe
callingforme.

Imakemywaytowardher,meanderingthroughtheotherswanswalkingintheoppositedirection.

"Yes?"Iask,asIreachMissBellaforte.

"There's someone here to see you," she says, pressing her thin lips together. "A young man, very

insistent.LucasAbrams."

"LucasAbrams?"Iask."Idon'tknowanyonebythatname.Didhesaywhathewants?"

MissBellaforteraiseshereyebrows.Shelooksutterlyannoyed,whichisalittlereassuring,becauseI

don'tthinkshe'dlookatmelikethatifshehadbadnewstodeliver.

"Hesaiditwasurgent,that'sall,"shesays."Itoldhimtowaitforyourightoffstage."

"But,can'tIchangebeforeI-?"

"Sara,Idon'thavetimeforthisnow,wouldyoupleasegoandtalktohim?"MissBellaforteinterrupts

me.

Idon'tunderstandwhyshe'sbeingsoharshwithme,butdecidenottoargue,eventhoughI'mdyingto

get out of my costume. As much as I love how it looks, it's awfully tight and uncomfortable, especially
afteraperformance.

The backstage area is clearing out, as more and more dancers make their way back to the dressing

rooms.

Who the hell is Lucas Abrams? If he has access to this area, he must somehow be connected to the

company,butI'veneverheardhisnamebefore.Ishesomekindoftalentagent?Doesithappenthisway?I
perform,hewatchesme,noticesmeamongalltheother,identical-lookingswans,andthenpicksmeout
fromamongalltheotherstooffermeapositionasasoloist?

Myheartjumpswithexcitementattheprospect,butwhenIreachthearearightoffthestage,Irealize

thatIcouldn'tbemorewrong.

Eveninthedimlightbehindtheclosedcurtainsandalltherummagingthatisstillgoingonwiththe

stagehandsaroundus,Iinstantlyrecognizehim.He'swearingasuit,standingtallandconfident,hishands
buriedinhispants'pockets.He’sstandinghalfwayturnedawayfromme,butIcanseetheoutlinesofhis
manytattoospeekingoutonhisneckjustabovehisshirtcollar.He'swearingsneakersthatclashwithhis
otherwisedressed-upensemble,buthishairlooksmoreinplacethanitdidbackinhisapartment.

It'shim.Theonenightstandguyfromtheclub.

"Lux,"Ibreathe.

ChapterXII

Lux

Shelooksdifferent,soverydifferentfromthelasttimeIsawher.Imean,ofcourse,shedoes.She'sin

costume,dressedasaswan,lookingmorebird-likethanhuman.

But it's not just that. As I turn around to see Sara standing just a few feet away from me, her eyes

widenedwithsurprise,Inoticeshe'scarryingherselfdifferently,too.Herpostureisdifferent,thewayshe
moves,eventhewaysheslightlytiltsherheadtothesideassheobservesmefromadistance.

"Whatareyoudoinghere?"sheasks,suspicionrunningdeepinhervoice.

Sheapproachesmewithawkwardlywidesteps.Itmayjustbethecostumeandthewayitdictatesher

movements,butevenwhenshewalks,sheremindsmeverylittleofthedrunken,sassygirlIpickedupata
clubtwonightsago.

"Istillhaveyourphone,"Itellher,suppressingtheurgetotouchher.Shelookssoexotic,sostrangely

beautiful.Hermake-uphasbeensoconvincinglyappliedthatit'shardtoseethegirlhiddenwithin,but
nothingcanhidethoserivetingsteelblueeyes.I'msurprisedtoseehowintactthemake-upstillappears,
even though it's evident that she's been sweating quite a lot. Strands of black hair are sticking to her
temple,justbelowthewhitefeathersofherheadpiece,acleartelltalesignofthestrenuousexertionshe
justwentthrough.

"Oh,right!"sheexclaims."Itriedtocontactyouaboutthat,too.Severaltimes!"

Shecomestoahaltinfrontofmeandcrossesherarmsinfrontofhersmallchest,shiftingherweight

ononelegwhileextendingtheothertotheside,hereyesfixatingonmeasshepouts.It'sthecutestlook,
especiallyinhercurrentget-up.

"Whydidn'tyoupickupwhenIcalled?"sheasks,defiantlyliftingherchintowardmeandnarrowing

hereyesjustabit."IthoughtI'dneverseemyphoneagain!"

Ishrug."Iwantedtodeliverittoyouinperson."

Shearcheshereyebrows."Evenso.Here?Now?Howdidyoufindmeanyway?"

"Ithought,whynotkilltwobirdswithonestone,"Isay,takingastepclosertoher,shrinkingthespace

betweenus."It'sbeenawhilesinceI'vebeentotheballet."

Sherollshereyes.

"Oh,comeon!"shegroans."Admitit,thisisthefirsttimeyou’veever been to the ballet! You don't

strikemeasaguywhogoestoculturalperformances.Howdidyouevengetatickettothisperformance
onsuchshortnotice?Itwassoldoutweeksago.Andwhodidyoubribetogetbackhere?"

Hereyelashesarefluttering.Icanseethatmypresencemakeshernervous.Shecouldjustaskforthe

phoneandwalkaway,neverhavingtoseemeagain.Instead,she'sstandinghere,askingmeallthesesilly
questions,whenIknowshemustbeexhaustedandeagertogetoutofthattutuandwashoffhermake-up.

Hereyesarestillfixatedonmine,andthatdoesn'tchangewhenIliftmyrighthandtotouchherface.

SheflinchesjusttheslightestbitasIcaressalonghercheek,gentlyfollowingtheoutlineofherfeminine
jaw,beforetravelingtohertremblinglips.Shemaynotevenrealizeit,butherlipspartasifbycommand,
allowingthetipofmyfingertoslidebetweenthem,ifthat'swhatIwantedtodorightnow.ButIdon't.
Instead,Iplacemythumbatthecornerofhermouthandmypalmonhercheek,allowinghertoleaninto
mytouch,whichshedoes.

"Moneycanbuyyouanything,atanytime,anywhere,"Isimplysay."Andyouknow,I'm-asyouputit-

freakingrich."

Thehintofasmileappearsonherface,buthereyesnarrow.

"Iwantmyphoneback,"shewhispers,hervoicebarelyaudiblewiththecommotionaroundus."That's

whyyou'rehere,right?Togivememyphoneback."

Inod.

"You'llgetyourphoneback,"Isay."ButIwantadateinreturn."

Shefurlshereyebrows."Areyoublackmailingme?"

"Suchanuglyword,"Isay."Andno.I'mnot.Infact,I'mofferingyoutwothings:yourphoneandadate

withme.Aproperdate.Onethatyouwillremember."

Shestaresatmethroughherstillnarrowedeyes,contemplatingthesuggestion,hercheekstillleaning

againstmyhand.Icanfeelhershiveringbeneathmytouch.Shelookssodelicious,soexquisite,inthis
costume.Ifitwasuptome,I'dtakeherrighthereandnow,andmakethatlittleswandancejustforme.

The images are burnt deep inside my head. Her, in that dress, dancing on stage. I couldn't figure out

whichballerinashewasatfirst,eventhoughIwassittinginoneofthefrontrows.Shewashiddenamong
aseaofwhitetutus.Dozensofgirls,alldressedintheexactsamecostumesandlookingeerilyalike,all
sharingthepetiteandstrongfeaturesofdedicateddancers.Butitdidn'ttakelongformetofindtheonly
swanIwanted.Evenamongalltheothers,andwithherrathershortstature,shemanagedtostandoutfrom
alltheothersrightbeforemyeyes.Theyweregluedononlyher,watchingmesmerizedasshedancedwith
suchadmirablepassionandperfection.Thisgirlwasborntobeadancer,andIhatethatshewasn'tthe
oneintheleadrole.Therewasonlyonedanceinwhichshecouldtrulyshine,couldstandout,because
shewasonlycompetingagainstthreeotherswans.Whentheyenteredthestageforthatparticularact,I
spottedheratonce.Shewasthesecondonetoenterthestage,theonewhoatonepointmovedherheada
bitfasterthantheothers,asifexcitementtookover,causinghertorushthroughasequencethatIknow
musthavebeenthemostimportantforhertonight.

Itwasbreathtakinglybeautiful-andsofuckingsexy.Whilethepureandinnocentgoodgirlvibehas

alwaysgottentome,thiswasawholenewlevelofpurity,andIwantedtoclaimit–Iwantedtoclaim
her–formyself.

Now that she's standing right in front of me, still radiating that mystical appearance, I have to hold

myselfbackfromnottakingherrighthereandnow.Imageskeeprisingupinmymind.Imagesofherin
thatdress,completelynakedunderneath,chainedtothebed,andsubmittingherperfectlittlebodytome.I
willmakethishappen.Ihaveto.

"So,"Iwhispertothelittleswanstandinginfrontofme."WhencanItakeyouout?"

"Istillhaveperformances,"shemumbles."Twomore."

"Justtellmeanight,"Iurge.

Shebitesherlowerlip.

"Friday,"shesays."Intwoweeks.TwoweeksfromFriday."

"That'sunacceptable."

Shefrownsatme."Butthat'swhentheseasonisover!"

"Whatareyoudoingtonight?"

Hereyesflicker."It'slate.I'mexhausted."

"Butthere'snoperformancetomorrow,right?"

"No,but-"

"Justanightcap,"Isay."AndIpromise,youwon'thavetomovemuchtonight.I'llhelpyoutowind

downandrelax."

Ileanforwardandplantasoftkissonhertremblinglips.ThisisnothowIkiss,ever.Careful,gentle,

inquiringly. We are standing in a dark corner, just right off the stage, and we’re surrounded by people
cleaningup,fixinglightsandpreparingthestageforanothergroup’sperformancethefollowingday,but
noneofitmatters.I'vebeenignoringthedistractionstheentiretimewetalked,butit'seveneasiernow
that our lips are glued to one another. She welcomes my kiss with a surprising eagerness, and her tutu
brushesagainstmylegassheleansincloser,yearningformore.AsoftmoanescapesherthroatwhenI
endourkissandretreat.

"IwishIcouldtakeyouhomelikethis,"Igivevoicetomynaughtythoughts."You,inthiscostume.I've

neverfuckedabeautifulswanbefore."

Shegiggles,andI'msureshe'sblushingunderneathallthatmake-up.

"It'snotmine,"shesays."Thecostumebelongstothecompany."

Shepausesandlooksupatme."It'sveryexpensive."

"Expensive,"Ireply,huffing."Asifthatevermatterstome."

"Showoff,"shesays,winkingatme.

Shetakesastepback."Willyougivemeamomenttochange?"

"IfImust,"Ireply."Icanhelpyouwiththat."

Shesmilesatme,shakingherhead."You'dripthefabric.Andbesides,I'msharingmydressingroom

withtheentirecorpsdeballet.Wewouldn'tbealone."

"Iwouldn'tcare."

"Iwould,"shesays."Waitformeinthelobby."

SheturnsaroundandIwatchherwalkaway,carefullyplacingonefootinfrontoftheother,whilethe

tutunodsaroundhernarrowhips.

ChapterXIII

Sara

"I'msorry,"IfeelinclinedtosaywhenImeethimoutsideinthelobby."Iknowthisisn'tasglamorous

asmystageoutfit,butIdidn'texpecttogoanywherebuthometomybathtubtonight."

I'm wearing a loose-fitting gray sweater, white leggings and my soft black suede winter boots, an

oversizedscarfwrappedaroundmynecktoprotectmyselfagainstthechillyeveningwind.Myhairistied
back in a bun. I washed my face and replaced the smeared stage make-up with a swipe of nude
eyeshadowandthickmascara,somethingIwouldn'thavebotheredwithifLuxhadn'tshownup.

IknowIshouldn'tdothis.Justadayago,Isworetobebetter,toneverdostupidthingslikethisagain.

Spendingnights with menwho are abad influence on me,losing myself tothe short-term pleasure they
promise-andallofthatwhiletheseasonisstillgoing.Istillhaveperformancescomingup,eventhough
thenextoneisnotforanotherthreedays.Ishouldn'triskthis,especiallyforhim,theguywhotookme
homewithhim,eventhoughIwasobviouslydrunk.

But when he showed up like this, backstage, looking like he did in that suit, looking at me with that

controlled hunger. His demeanor is so confusingly charming and erotic. And he wants me. Me. Why
wouldamanlikehimwantagirllikeme?Iknowthatmyathleticbodyisalluringtoalotofmen,butI've
oftenbeentoldthatI'mfunny-looking,withmylighteyes,blackhairandchild-likesize.I'mnotthekindof
womanthatturnsmen'sheadsonthestreet,especiallywhenI'mdressedthewayIamnow,whichismost
ofthetime.

"Youlookperfect,littledancer,"hesays,placingonehandatthesmallofmybackashegentlyleads

meoutoftheauditorium."Besides,youwon'tbewearingmuchoncewegettomyplace.

He'ssoself-assured,soconfidentthatIwilljustfollowhimwhereverheleadsandhavesexwithhim

again,eventhoughourlastnighttogetherdidn'texactlyendonapositivenote.Hisconfidenceisstrangely
enticing,andyetIfeelobligedtoresist.

"I'mreallytired,"Isay."Don'texpectanyspecialmovesfrommetonightor-"

"I'mnotexpectinganything,"hesays."AndI'llmakesureyouwon'tmovemuchatall."

"What?"Iask,lookingupathimwithbigeyes."Whatdoyoum-?"

"Getin,"heinterrupts,asheopensthedoorofablacklimousineparkedrightinfrontoftheentrance

andmotionsformetoslidein.

"Isthisyours?"Iaskstupidly.

"WhywouldIaskyoutogetintoanotherman'scar?"hesays,gesturingwithhiseyesformetoobey

hisinstructionstogetintothecar.

Ifollowhiscommandandslideintothebackseat.Heclosesthedoorbehindmeandwalksaroundthe

car,takinghisseatontheotherside,rightnexttome.OnlynowdoInoticethere'ssomeonesittinginthe
driver'sseat,hiddenbehindatintedwallofglassthatprovidesuswithprivacy.

"Youreallyarefreakingrich,"Imuse.

Heknocksagainsttheglassshieldinfrontofusandthedriverstartsthecar.

"Myfamilyis,"hesays."Butyes,Ihavemywaysofmultiplyingourwealth."

"YournameisLucasAbrams?"Iask."WhydidyoutellmeitwasLux?"

"BecausethatiswhatI'mcalled,"hesays."NoonebutmymotherstillcallsmeLucas.I'veneverliked

thename."

"What'swrongwithLuc-?"

"It'sLuxforyou,"heinterrupts,castingmeawarninglook."CallmeLucasonemoretime,andImight

havetopunishyou."

"Punish?"Iask.Myheartskipsabeatathiswords.Whydoesthisexciteme?Idon'tevenknowwhat

hemeansbypunishment.

ExceptIdo.Ihaveaveryclearideaofwhatkindofpunishmenthemightbetalkingabout.

Ishethatkindofguy?

Ifheis,I'minbiggertroublethanIthoughtI'dbewithhim.

"Whydidyouseekmeoutlikethis?"Iask,realizingthequestionimpliesI'mfishingforcompliments.

"Becauseyouleftyourphoneinmyapartment,"hesays."AndIthoughtthiswouldn'thavehappenedif

someonedidn'twantustomeetupagain."

"Someone?"Iask."Me?"

Hecastsmealook."You.Me.Analmightypower.Fate.Callitwhatyouwant."

"Youdon'tstrikemeasareligiousguy,"Isay.

"Ididn'tsayIwas,"hereplies,shrugging."Butsomesignsneedtobepursued,andIfeltthiswasone

ofthosetimes."

We sit in silence for a few moments, as I ponder what to say next, or rather, how to phrase my

concerns.Ishouldn'tbepresumptuous,butifI'velearnedanythingfrommymistakesinthepast,it'sthatI
needtobecarefulandlookoutformyself.

Ineedtoprotectmyself.

"Youcan'thurtme,"Iwhisper,notdaringtolookathim."Pleasedon'thurtme."

Imustsoundsostupid.

Icanfeelhimlookingatme.Hiseyesarelockedonme,observingmeasheprocessesmywords.I

knowhe'swaitingformetoturnmyheadtolookathim,butIcan't.

"WhosaysIwanttohurtyou?"hefinallyasks.

"Noone,"Ihurrytoreply."I'mjustsaying...youcan't.Mybody...Ineedtobeabletoperform."

"Andsoyouwill,"hesays."Itakenojoyinbreakingbones-orpoisoninglittlegirlstoapointwhere

theycan'tremembertheirowndecisionsthenextday."

Iblushasheremindsmeofmyownirresponsibility.

"I didn't want to imply anything," I utter. "It's just... I've made mistakes in the past. And I swore to

myselfIwouldn'tletithappenagain."

"Mistakes?"heasks."WasIamistake?"

Ilookathim,surprisedtoseehimlookatmewithasomewhatpainedanddisappointedexpression.

"Iwouldn'tbeinthiscarifIthoughtyouwereamistake,"Isay."ButIdon'ttrustmyselfsometimes."

"Doyoutrustme?"hewantstoknow.

Ihesitate,unsurehowtoreply.Idon'tknowifItrusthimyet.Iknowhisfullnamenow,hehasshown

upatmyperformance,hemusthavetalkedtoMissBellaforte,maybesheevenknowshim?Shesaidhis
nameasifIshouldrecognizeit,asifhewassomeonepeopleknew.

"Iwanttotrustyou,"Isay."Butyouconfuseme."

Hecastsmeacockysmile."Good."

"Good?"

"ThatmeansI'vegrabbedyourattention,"hesays.

"Youcertainlydid,"Iadmit."Ithinkitwouldbeeasiertotrustyou,ifIknewalittlemoreaboutyou."

He raises one eyebrow, twirling his hand to beckon me to continue talking. "What do you want to

know?"

"Whoareyou?"Iask."Imean,whatdoyoudo?"

"Irunabusiness,"hesays.

"Couldyoubemorespecific?"

He sighs. "It's a tech start-up, really not that interesting. We help companies secure their computer

systemsagainsthackers."

"So,you'reanITnerd,"Iteasehim.

Hereactstomyremarkwithalittlechuckle."Iguessyoucouldsayso."

"Andthat'showyoubecamethisrich?"Iwonderoutloud.

"Itoldyou,Iwasbornrich,"hesays.

"So,yourfatheristheonewho'srunningthebusiness?"

"No!"hesayswithsuchvehemencethatitstartlesme."No,myfatherhasnothingtodowiththis.This

myownbusiness.Imayhaveusedmytrustfundtostartit,butI'mtheonewho'sincharge,andtheone
whomadeitasbigandassuccessfulasitistoday."

Hepauses,tryingtocalmhimselfdown.Mentioninghisfatherhasvisiblyupsethim.Theydon'tseem

tohavethebestrelationship.

"MyfamilylivesattheEastCoast,"hecontinues."IgrewupinManhattan,butfledtherewhenIleft

forcollege.Theirworldisverydifferentfrommine.Idon'tlikeitonebit."

"I'msorry,"Isay,reachingovertotouchhishand,buthepullsawayfromme.

"Whywouldyoubesorry?"hewantstoknow,furlinghiseyebrows.

"For assuming that you're only benefiting from your father's efforts," I explain. "That was

presumptuous."

Helooksatme,archinghiseyebrows."You'reright.Itwas."

"I'mnotgettingpunishedforthat,though,amI?"Iask,lookingathimwithacoysmile,attemptingto

liftthemood.

Hesmirksatme.

"No,"heretorts."It'snotgoingtobethateasy,littlegirl."

ChapterXIV

Lux

She's walking steady this time when we reach my place, taking long, graceful, and well thought-out

steps. Even in casual clothes, she still carries herself with the elegance of the swan she was
impersonatingjustafewhoursago.

Whenwereachmyplace,Iclosethedoorbehindusandwatchasshestandsandturnsaroundinmy

livingroom,takingineverythingasifit'sherfirsttimehere.Thensheturnsaround,lookingupatmewith
expectanteyes.

"Whatwouldyouusuallydoafteraperformance?"Iaskher,asIremovemysuitjacket.

Hereyesglowwithpleasantanticipation,butshe'swrongifshethinksI'mgoingtobetheonegetting

nakedfirst.That'snothowthingsworkaroundhere.

Ihangmyjacketononeofthehooksatthewardrobetomyleftandapproachher,whileSaralowers

hereyesandsmilessheepishly.

"Honestly?"shereplies."Myfeetarekillingme.Iusuallyletthemsoakinicewaterforawhile,while

havingaglassofwine.ThenIdrawmyselfahotbathandletmybodyrelax..."

Shepausesandlooksupatme,asifshewasaskingforaffirmationfrommyside.

"Ice water, huh," I remark. "That can be arranged. I don't want your feet to suffer. But I have one

condition."

Shepursesherlipsandtiltsherheadtotheside."Andthatis?"

"There's something you need to know about me," I begin, approaching her. I place my hands on her

shoulders,delightinginherreactionassheshiversbeneathmytouch.

"Iliketotakecontrol,"Isay."Unconditionally.Mywordcounts,youdowhatIsay,andifyoudon't

obey-"

"There'llbepunishment,"shecompletesmysentence."Ihadafeelingitwouldbelikethis."

"Areyouupforthis?"Iwanttoknow."Willyousubmit-formypleasureandyourown?"

Shecontemplatesforamoment,bitingherlowerlip.Myhandsstartwandering,firstuptoherdelicate

jaw,mythumbstracingalongtheoutlineofit,andthenmyhandsmovefurtheruntilI’mframingherface
withmyhands.Ileanforward,myfacesoclosetohersthatIcanfeelherbreathonmyskin.

"I...thinkso,"shesays.

"That'snotgoodenough,"Ireply."Ineedyoutoconfirmyourdesiretosubmittomywill.Otherwise,

thiswon'twork."

Shefurlshereyebrows.

"I'veneverdonethisbefore,"sheinterjects."HowamIsupposedtoknowifIlikeit?OrifIcando

it?"

"Neverdoneitbefore?"Iask,somewhatsurprised.

"Notlikethis,"sheconfirms.

"Okay,thentellmethis,"Isayinasoftervoice,leaningincloseruntilourlipsmeet.She'sreadyto

kissme,eagerlyopeningherlipsformetoclaimher,butthat'snotwhatthisisabout.Insteadofgoingin
for a full kiss, I plant little pecks on her trembling lips, slowly making my way along her left cheek,
leaving little kisses that are merely a suggestion. Her breathing accelerates, rapidly turning into a faint
panting.

"Howdoesthisfeel?"Iwhisperclosetoherear."Doyouwantmore?"

"Yes,"shebreathes.

"What would you say if I told you that only good girls get more?" I want to know. "Would you be a

goodgirlforme?"

"Mmhmm,"shereplies,bitingherlip.I'mbarelytouchingher,justlettingmyproximity,thehintofmy

lips'touchandmyvoicedothework,butshe'sreactingtoitjustasIexpected.

"Goodgirlsobey,"Iremindher."Obeyingwillgetyourrewards.Isthiswhatyouwant?"

"Yes,"shebreathesoutinahoarsevoice.

Herblueeyesarefixatedonmineasshesuggestsalittlenod.It'sallIneed,toknowthatshe'sready,

awaitingherfirstorder.Iplantakissonherlushlipsandstraightenup,takingastepbackwhileIobserve
her.

"Undress,"Isay,voicingmyfirstorder.

"Here?"sheasks,hereyesscanninghersurroundings,aswestandinthemiddleofmylivingroom.

"Yes,here,"Iconfirm."Now."

She gulps and takes a deep breath. She lets her bag fall to the floor, and starts unwrapping her

ridiculouslybigscarf.Shelowershereyeswhensheletsthescarfdropnexttoherbag,whichreminds
meofanothercondition.

"Lookatme,"Itellher."Theentiretime,youhavetolookatme."

Shesighs,butnods,willingtogoalongwiththeorder.

It shows that she’s a dancer and able to hold her balance even in the most awkward positions, and

while keeping her eyes focused straight ahead. She gets rid of one item of clothing after another, never
wavering, even when she steps out of her tight-fitting leggings. By the time she's only wearing her
underwear,thisbecomesachallengeformejustasitisforher.Myeyeswanttowanderandtakeinthe
sight of her perfect, petite body, but I refrain. It's not time yet. Patience is a virtue that many men don't
possess in a situation like this. Having a beautiful girl like Sara undress in front of you, her consenting
eyesfocusedtheentiretimeonyou,justwaitingforyoutotakeher,toclaimher-ittakesalotofrestraint
nottosuccumbtothenatural,arousingurgebuildingupinside.

Ofcourse,shehesitates.Theyalldoatthispoint.Underwearissimilarenoughtoabikinitoprovide

the minimum sense of comfort. Getting completely naked in front of another person is a very different
thing.

Iexpecthertowait,toaskmeifshe'stocontinue.Mostgirlsneedareaffirmationatthispoint.

Saramerelyneedstotakeadeepbreath,beforeshemovesherhandsbehindherbacktounfastenthe

clasp of her bra. I confer her an affirmative smile, which she reciprocates with one of her own. Even
whenherbrafallstothefloor,myeyesneverleavehers.We'relockedinplace,sharinganintimacythat
hasverylittletodowiththefactthatsheisbasicallynakedatthispoint.

Herhandsmovedowntoherslimhips,whereshepausesforanothermoment,beforepullingherthong

down,notwavering onebitwhen sheliftsup thefirstleg, thenthe other,toget ridofher lastpieceof
clothing.

"Goodgirl,"Ipraiseher.

Thewayhereyelashesflutteratmywordsisalmostmoreenticingthanhavingherstandingnakedin

frontofme.

Ibreakeyecontacttotakeinthevisionbeforeme,thedainty-lookingbodythatI'mabouttoplaywith.

Herskinispale,andthere'salmostananemicqualitytoher.I'msureshebruiseslikeapeach,butIalso
assumethatshedoesn'twantmetoleaveanymarks.Itwouldshow.She'sdancingaroundinsee-through
tightsandapurewhitecostumeonaregularbasis.Abruisedswanwouldgivecauseforconcern.It'sa
pity,becauseIlikeleavingmymarkonmylittleplaythings,butIwillrespectherwish.

“Don'thurtme,”shehadsaidinthecar.“Youcan'thurtme.”

Iwon'ttakeanythingfromherthatshe'snotwillingtogive.ButIwillmakehermine.

Igivehermynextcommand."Onyourknees."

ThehintofafrowntravelsacrossherfacebeforesheutterstheonlywordIdon'twanttohearfromher

lips."No."

"Onyourknees,"Irepeat.

Andsherespondswiththesameword."No."

She'simpossibletoread.Ididnotexpectanydefiance.Sheseemedsoeager,soreadytoplease.

"WhathaveItoldyoubefore?"Iaskher,tryingtounderstandhermotivefordenial.

"Goodgirlsobey,"shewhispers."Badgirlsgetpunishment."

"Isthatwhatyouwant?"Iask."Punishment?"

Asassysmirkgracesherprettylittleface.

"Whatwouldthatlooklike?"sheasks.

Oh,soshe'scurious.

Well,twocanplayatthisgame.

ShegaspsinsurprisewhenIdarttowardher,wrappingmyarmsaroundhertinybodytoliftherup.

There's no resistance, no fighting on her part, as I carry her through the hallway, heading for the play

bedroom.

TherearesomanythingsIcoulddotoherrightnow,butIoptforoneofthemostsimpleandquickest

optionsbythrowingheronthebed.She'satruelightweightandhasexcellentcontrolofherbody,catching
herownfallwithexquisitegrace.

She'sinnomoodtofolloworders,soIdon'twaitforhertoobeymywords,buttakeupthereinsby

flippingheroveronherbelly.

"Assup!"Icommand,surprisedatthevolumeofmyownvoice.

Tomysurprise,sheimmediatelyobeys,hollowingherback,protrudingherassupintheairforme.I

pin her down with one hand, while caressing the small curves of her perky ass with the other. She's
tremblingundermytouch,fueledbyanticipation.Sheknowswhat'scoming.

Thefirstsmackismorelikeagentlepatonherlightskin,butsheyelpsnonetheless.

Iusemoreforceonthesecondone,leavingafaintprintonhercheekandcausinghertoretreat.

"Oh,no!"Iwarnher."Keepthatassup.Takeitlikeagoodgirl."

Sheinhalesaudiblyandreturnstoherhollowedpositionfrombefore.

Anothersmacklandsonhercutelittlebehind,andwhenIaddanotherone,theskinbeginstoturnred.I

rest my hand on her curve, my palm almost covering her right cheek entirely. Sara moans and - to my
surprise-leansintomytouch.

"Areyouenjoyingthis?"Iask.

Insteadofgivingmeananswer,sheburiesherfaceinthesheets,evadingmyeyes.

Smack!Smack!

Eachslapisaccompaniedwithacutelittleyelpescapingherlips,suffocatedbytheduvetcoverasshe

continueshidingherface.Ipauseforamoment,caressingherreddenedskin,whileshe'squiveringwith
combinedfearandlust.

Smack!

Saragroansintothesheets,clenchingherlittlefistsassheclutchestothefabric.

Smack!

Thisonemusthavehurt.Sheflinches,squirmingbeneathmeasshedealswiththepain.Butshenever

losesposition.

I give her a few seconds to process the sensation, before I add the final blows. A sequence of hard

slaps lands on her perky ass, deepening the red color and sending tears to her eyes as she shrieks in
responsetoeachoneofthem.

"Youcanyellallyouwant,"Ihiss,leaningclosetoherear."Youwantedthis."

Shemoansintothesheets,shakingherhead."No."

Again,thatword.

"Don'tlietome,"Isay."Iknowyou'relying.Doyouknowwhy?"

Shesquealsandmovesherathleticbodyasmyhandtravelsbetweenherlegs.

ChapterXV

Sara

No,notthere!Iwanttofighthimoffandclosemylegstopreventhimfromtouchingme,butmybody

betraysme.AimlesssquirmingisallImanage,andwhilemymindbattleswithhisintrusion,Ifindmyself
hollowingmyback,cravinghistouch.

Myassisonfire,stilltorturedbyburningpainwhenhishandcaressesacrossmyskinbeforetraveling

further down. Despite my inhibitions, my legs move apart for him. I've never been spanked like this
before,andI'mconfusedbytheeffectithadonme.Toughhandling,choking,hairpulling-itallhadits
ownallure,butthiswasnew.Thetinglingbetweenmylegsisnew.I'veneverbeenthisarousedwithout
havingbeentouchedrightwhereitcounts.

He parts my folds and doesn't hesitate intruding further, sliding along my entrance with one finger, a

satisfiedhumaccompanyinghisactions.

"Youlittlebrat,"hesaysinasoftvoice,rightnexttomyear."Ithinkyoumisunderstood.Thiswasa

punishment-butyouclearlyenjoyedit,didn'tyou?"

Idon'tevenknowifheexpectsmetoreplytothat.WhatamIsupposedtosay?Idon'tknowwhymy

bodyisreactingthisway.Idon'tknowwherethispricklingandtinglingiscomingfrom,whyI'mburning
with lusty heat and involuntarily grinding against his touch, yearning for more, groaning with pleasure
whenheletsonefingerslideinsideofme,thenanotherone.

Idon'tknowhowhecouldgetmeherethisfast,bydoingwhathedid.

IjustknowthatIwantthis.Icraveit.Icravehim.

"Ishouldbeproud,"headds,stilltoyingwithmysensitivesex."Suchagoodlittlegirl,allwetand

readyforme,takingherpunishmentlikeachampandturningintoabitchinheatjustforme."

Imoanhelplessly,unabletorespondanyotherway.

"Turnaround,"hesnaps,withdrawinghishandfrommyentrancesosuddenlythatIflinchinsurprise.

Thistime,Idon'thesitatetoobey.Iwantedtotesthim,toseewhathewoulddoifIdidn'tgoalong

withoneofhisveryfirstorders,anditgotmehere.Thespankinghurt,butitleftmeinaneedyfrenzy,
willingtodowhateverheasksofme.

IgrimaceasIturnaroundandmyassispressedagainstthesheetsbeneathme.Iknowherestrained

himself. With the way he looked at me, it was obvious there are more things he wanted to do to me,
worsethings.Thingsthatwouldleavealastingimpact.

Hereciprocatesthedisplayofpainonmyfacewithanaughtysmile.

"Handsaboveyourhead,"heordersnext,andasIliftmyarms,hestartslooseningthetiearoundhis

neck.

I was hoping to finally get another glimpse of his undoubtedly well-sculptured chest - and the sexy

tattoosadorningit-butthetieistheonlypieceofclothinghe'stakingoff.Heleansovermeandusesthe
tietobindmywriststogetherbeforeattachingthemtoarodattheheadofthebed.

"Stay,"hecommands,asifIhaveachoice.

Hebendsoverme,hiseyesneverleavingmineuntilourlipstouchandweentwineinagreedykiss.I

can'thelpbutmoan,greedilyarchingmybackasIyieldtomyyearningforhim,silentlyaskingformore
thanhe'swillingtogivemeatthispoint.

Heendsourkiss,andmyeyesfollowhimasheclimbsoffthebedandwalksacrosstheroom,heading

forthedressernexttothedoor.Heopensoneoftheupperdrawersandrummagesforamoment,andthen
hetakessomethingout.Ican'tseewhatitisuntilhecomesbacktothebedandholdsitupinfrontofmy
eyes,revelinginmyreactionwhenIinhalesharply.

He's holding a steel handle with a little pinwheel at the top. The wheel has evenly spaced radiating

sharppinsthatrotateasherollsitacrossthebackofhishand.Myeyeswidenwithworry.

"Thiswon'tleaveany-"

"Doyoutrustme?"heinterruptsme,hiseyesburrowingintomine.

Ilookupathim,nodding."Yes,Itrustyou."

Hesmilesatmeandclimbsbackonthebed,placinghimselfbetweenmylegsbeforeIgetachanceto

close them, protecting myself from whatever he may have planned. I lie naked and exposed in front of
him,myhandstiedupabovemyheadtothebed,keepingmeinplace.

My eyes widen when he moves the pinwheel closer to my leg, his eyes searching mine for

confirmation,justbeforethesteelcomesincontactwithmyskinatmylowerthigh.Iinhale,preparingfor
theworst,whenthere'snotevenpain.Hedoesn'tapplypressurewhenherollsthepinsalongtheinner
sideofmyleg.Itticklesandcausesmetoletoutagirlishgiggleatsomepoint,butthecloserhemovesup
tomycenter,themoresensitiveIget.

He slaps against the inside of my upper thigh, beckoning me to move my legs further apart, and I

complyimmediately,exposingmyselfevenmore.Idon'tknowifheincreasesthepressureofthewheel
againstmyskin,orifitismerelythefactthathe'sapproachingamoresensitiveareaofmybody,butthe
pins’stinggetsworsewitheveryinchitmoves.

Justbeforehereachesmycore,hestopsandliftsthepinwheel,repeatingthesameprocedureonmy

otherleg.I'mtrembling,waitingforthepainthatdoesn’tseemtobehappening.Thestingofthepinsis
bearableandfeelslikemoreofaticklethananactualache,butIknowthat'sjustbecauseofthewayhe's
handlingthewheelsofar.He'sincontrol,he'smovingthepinsacrossmyskin,andhedecideshowmuch
ofitIgettofeel.

He surpasses my most sensitive area, playing with my head as he circles around my mound, almost

approachingmylabia,butretreatingeverytimehegetstooclose,turningdirectionsandtravelingalong
thesideofmytorsoinstead.

Amoanfullofworryleavesmylipswhenhemovesthepinwheelacrossmybreasts,closinginonmy

sensitive nipple. I hold my breath, knowing what's coming. He pauses for a moment, observing my
reactionbeforehemovesthewheelfurtherandletsthepinsdanceacrossmyleftnipple.

I can't suppress a little yelp when he does it. This hurts. My nipples have always been the most

sensitiveareaofmybody,tendertoanytouch.Butjustlikebefore,mybodydoesn'treacttothepainthe
wayIexpectitto.Insteadofretreating,movingawayfromhisprickling,Ifindmyselfleaningin,mychest
heavingasifIwasaskingformore.

Igaspwithworrywhenhemovesovertotheotherbreast,threateningtorepeatthesamethingonthe

otherside.Iholdmybreath,tryingtocontrolmyracingpulse,butitdoesn'tworkonebit.Whenthewheel
travels across my breast, biting into my soft skin, I groan in pain and squirm in agony. I try to
accommodatemyselfbyshiftingintoadifferentposition,tryingtoevadetheache,butrelishinginitatthe
sametime.

Thisfeelingissobewildering.I'mhurting.There'snothingpleasantaboutthepainhe'sinflictingonme

as he’s doing it, but as soon as he lets go, I find myself wishing for more. I don't know if the sigh that
leavesmylipswhenhewithdrawsthepinwheelfrommynippleisasignofrelieforregret.

Heputsthetoolasideandleansforward,cuppingmytinybreastswithhisbighands.

"Youdidgreat,"hepraisesme."Whatagoodgirlyouare.Iknewyou'dlikethis."

Ibitemylowerlip,speechlessonceagain.

Hekneadsmybreast,gentleatfirst,prolongingthefaintthrobbingthat'sbeenleftbythestingingpain.I

moan,floatinginpleasure,asIrealizewhathistreatmentdoestome.I'mshivering,dizzywitharousal,as
myhipshiftsonthebed,mylegsspreadsofarapartthatIcouldn'tpossiblybeanymoreexposedinfront
ofhimthanIamrightnow.ButIdon'tcare.Iwanthiminsideme,andIwanthimtoknowthat.

A sudden shock of agonizing pain rips me out of my delightful vertigo when he takes each of my

nipplesbetweenhisfingersandsqueezesthemsohardthatitrobsmeofmybreath.Ishriek,louderthanI
everhavebefore,castinghimareproachfullookwhenheletsgo,leavingmynubstorturedanderect.

"Youf-"

"Hush,"hesilencesmebyputtingafingertomylips.Iwanttobitethatfinger,togivehimbacksome

ofthepainhejustinflicteduponme.

Orsuckonit.

Buthe'sfasterthanme,andhishandisgoneasfastasitgotthere,nowtravelingalongthesideofmy

torso.ItticklesandasIburstoutinagiggle,Inoticethatthissubtlegesturewasenoughformetorelax
afterallthetensionIenduredduringtheearlierdistress.

Mysmilewidenswhenheretreatshishandsfrommybodytounbuttonhisshirt,finallyallowingmeto

see the alluring view underneath. His hard muscles flex as he lets the shirt glide down over his broad
shoulders, presenting a display of rugged looking tattoos painted on a chest that looks as if he's been
carvedoutofstone.

JustasIrevelonthisgorgeousview,itappearshe'sequallypleasedtoseemyreactionandrewards

mewithevenmorewhenhebeginsunbucklinghisbelt.Finally.

Hismotionsarepainfullyslow,andmycuriosityisonlyincreasedwhenInoticethebulgethat'shiding

underthefabric.

"This is all you," he coos. "This is how hard you make me with those sexy little moans. That pretty

face,thosehelplessactsofdefiance."

Icasthimasheepishlook."Don'tteaseme."

"Tease you?" he says, raising an eyebrow while he rubs his impressive bulge. "Are you getting

impatient?"

I find it best to reply with nothing but a seductive smile. It's time for him to lose it, I can't wait any

longer.

Thankfully,heappearstoagree.Ipantwithexcitementwhenhefinallypullshispantsdown,revealing

an erection that is intimidating in size and even more impressive in girth. That impression gets no less
impressivewhenhewrapshishandaroundit,slowlystrokinghislengthasheobservesme.

"Iwanttofuckyoubare,"heannounces."Willyouletme?"

Inod,desperatewithneed.Agirlwithmydatinghistorywouldbestupidnottobeonbirthcontrol,

eventhoughIrarelyletanyonefuckmebare.ButItrusthim.He'sconsiderate,sohe'snotabadboy.Is
he?

My diverting stream of thoughts is interrupted when he places his big tip at my entrance, teasing me

oncemoreashewaits,onlypartingmylipswiththetipofhiscock,eventhoughIyearnformore.

"Oh,comeon,"Ibreathe,movingbeneathhimwithfranticmotions.

Hesmirksandplaceshishandsattheinsidesofmyupperthighs,spreadingmylegstoasplit.

"Ilovehowflexibleyouare,"hecomments,histipstillteasingatmyentrance."Andsotiny.I'mgoing

toripyouapart."

JustasIwanttotalkbacktohim,hesilencesmebyshovinghisentirelengthinsidemychannelinone

slow and deliberately deep push, proving his words right. I gasp as I take all of him in, my insides
tensioningaroundhissize.

He'senormous.Iknewthat,Isawitcoming-butfeelingit,especiallywiththewayhe'sstretchingme

now, is an entirely different thing. It's a sweet kind of ache, different to the stings of the wheel on my
breastsorthespanking.Thisisjustpurebliss.

"Fuckme,"Ibeg,ashamedatmyownwords.

AndhegivesmewhatIwantbythrustinghisrock-hardcockinandout,slowlyatfirst,themusclesin

hisarmsflexingasheholdsontomylegs.Igroanwhenhismotionsaccelerate,stretchingmemore.Ican
feeleveryinchofhim,fillingmelikenoonehaseverfilledmebefore,andreachingplacesinsideofme
thatIdidn'tknowexisted.Ihaveneverbeenabletocomewithouttouchingmyself,butwiththewayhe's
makingmefeelrightnow,I’mawfullyclosealready.

His breathing changes as he increases his effort, and soon I see drops of sweat traveling down his

sculpturedchest,ashecontinuesplowingintome,buryinghimselfdeepinsideofmeagainandagain.He
nevercloseshiseyes,insteadkeepingthemfixatedonmetheentiretime,watchingandnoticingeveryone
ofmyreactions,evenifit'samereflutterofmyeyelashes,whileIaccommodatehissizeandtheforceof
histhrustsinsideofme.

Whenhecommandsmetocome,itdoesn'tfeellikeanorderbutmorelikehe’sgrantingmepermission.

MyeyeswidenindisbeliefwhenIrealizemybodyonceagainrespondstohimbetterthanitdoestome.
My climax rolls over me in a new fashion—my hands are nowhere near my clit—as I explode in

unmatched rapture. I'm robbed of my senses, my muscles clenching around his thick, hard rod, as he
followsmeintoajointstateofbliss.

ChapterXVI

Lux

Idon'tuntieherhandsrightaway,butlethercalmdownandherbreathingreturntonormal.Herhands

arestillupaboveherhead,asIliedownnexttoher,tryingtoprocesswhatjusthappened.

Myneedforherescalatedoutofcontrol.Fuckingherbare?AmIfuckinginsane?Idon'ttrustgirlsI

barelyknow.Theycantalkalldaylongandtellyouit'ssafetofuckthem,butwhenyou'refacedwiththe
consequences of their betrayal, you're the asshole who ends up stuck with the responsibility of your
actions.

IhavenoreasontotrustherotherthanthefactthatIhighlydoubtshe'driskapregnancyatthisstageof

heryoungcareer.She'sstillyoung,evenforadancer,andshe'sstillworkingherwayupinthecompany.
Apregnancyisthelastthingshewouldneedrightnow.

Assheliesnexttome,herpetitebutrippedbodyheavesassheprocessestheafterglowofherintense

orgasm.Ican’thelpbutwonderifitwasmorethanjustthisrationale,thisbeliefinherworkethic,that
mademeactthisirresponsibly.

I wanted to feel her. I wanted to claim her fully. That first night we shared together was hot and

steamy…buttooshort.Wewerelikewildanimalsinheat,attackingeachotherinlustfulfrenzy.

Buttonightwasdifferent.Tonightwasmorethanthat.Ididn'thaveaplanwhenIbroughtherhere,I

didn'tknowthatIwasgoingtospankhersoearlyinthegame,andIdidn'tknowthatIwouldbringthe
Wartenberg pinwheel into our play. Everything came to me in the moment, as she was sending me
unintentional signals, displaying a craving not only with her hungry eyes, but with her entire body that
beggedformetoplaywithher.

Iwanttoleavemarksonhersobadly.ItdrivesmeinsanethatIcan'tdoit,butI'mproudIwasableto

restrainmyself.

"Itoldyou,youwouldn'thavetomovemuch,"Iwhisper,ticklingtheporcelainskinonherneck.

Sheopenshereyesandlooksatmewithadazedexpression.

"Youstillworemeout,"shebreathes,hervoicesolowthatit'sbarelyaudible.

"Good."

Hereyeswanderuptohertied-uphands,andthenbacktome,silentlyaskingtobereleased.Iopenthe

knot of my tie from where it’s clasped around her skinny wrists, and allow her to curl up in my arms,
anotherthingthatconfusesme.Herbodyfeelssotinyandweakagainstmine,butunsettlinglycomfortable.
Sonaturalandright.

"Icangohome,"shewhispers,asifshecanheartheworryingthoughtsinsidemyhead."Ifyouwant

meto."

Idon'twanthertogohome,butshedoesn'tneedtohearitlikethat.

"It'slate,"Isayinstead."Onlyanassholewouldsendyouacrosstownatthishour."

Shechucklesagainstmychest.

"True,"shesays."Butyoumaybeoneofthoseassholes.HowwouldIknow?"

"I'mnot,"Ilie,eventhoughIknowperfectlywellthatIam.Ineverhavewomenstayover,unlessit's

necessary,likeitwasinhercasewhenshefirstcametomyhomeandwasinnostatetoleave.Buteven
then,Ineversleepnexttothem,andIdon'tplantomakeanexceptionwithSaratonight.

"Youcanstayhere,"Itellher."Idon'tmind."

That'stheunderstatementoftheyear,butSaraletsitgo.

"Don't you have to work in the morning?" she asks, looking up at me with a curious sparkle in her

oddlyawakeeyes.

"Ido,"Ireply."Butyousleepingherewon'tstopmefromthat."

"Whendoyouhavetogetup?"shewantstoknow.

"Don'tworry,Iwon'tsleepinhere,soyouwon'tbedisturbedbymyalarm."

"Oh,"shestates,andahintofdisappointmentfleetsacrossherdoll-likeface.

Afewmomentsofawkwardsilencestretchesbetweenus,andjustwhenI'mbeginningtothinkthatshe

mighthavedozedoffinmyarms,shespeaksupagain.

"Yousaidyourcompanyisayoungstart-up,"shesaysabsentmindedly."It'sjustbeenaroundforafew

months?"

"Prettymuch,"Igiveareticentreply.

"Then,whatdidyoudobeforethat?"sheasks,herfingerstracingtheoutlineofmychiseledabs,taking

intheresultofyearsofhardworkwithagustothatcharmsme.

"Iwasinprison,"Igivemysurprisinglyblatantreply.Nomatterhowperfectshemayseemrightnow,

she'llbeoutofmylifesoonenough,soIdon'tseeanyreasonnottobehonestwithher.

Shemightevenlikeit,thisdarktinttomymysteriouspast.Chicksdigshitlikethat.

Sara,however,doesn'tseemtheleastbitsurprisedorshockedatmyrevelation.Instead,shehuffsand

givesmeanudge.

"Haha,"shemakes."Goodone.No,butseriously?"

"Iamserious,"Iinsist."Ibroketherules,gotcaught,spentsometimebehindbars."

Shefreezesmid-motion,herhandrestingonmychestasherentirebodytensesup.

"Areyouserious?"sheaskswithoutlookingatme."Ifthisissupposedtobeajoke,I'llletyouknow,

it'snotfunny."

Shetiltsherheadback,lookingupatmewithfurledeyebrows,hereyessearchingforthetruthbehind

mywords.

"Notfunnyatall,"shesays,herwordsheavywithemphasis.

Thelookonherfacedoessomethingtome.Itfeelsasifaclawisclosingaroundmyheart,urgingme

tosootheher,totellthatitwasn'tthatbad,thatshecantrustme,thatbeinganex-convictdoesn'tmeanthat
Iwouldeverhurther-Ievenfeelinclinedtolietoherandsayitwasallajoke.

Butit'snot.Andshit,whywouldIsuddenlycarewhatshethinksaboutme?Thisisstupid.

"I'mnotjoking,"Irepeat."I'dstillbebehindbarsifmybrotherhadn'tbailedmeout."

Idon'tknowwhyIjustsaidthat,becauseitdoesnothingbutworryherevenfurther,Icantell.

"Whatdidyoudo?"shewantstoknow,grimacingherfaceinanexpressionlacedwithdisgust.

Ihatethatface.Idon'twanthertolookatmelikethat.AsifI'mamonster.

"It'scomplicated,"Isay,directlyevadingherquestion."ButIcantellyouthatIdidn'tkillanybody."

"Didyouhurtsomebody?"sheprobes.

"Notphysically,no,"Isay."I'mnotaviolentbrute."

"What then?" she presses, distancing herself from me as she pushes herself up on her elbows and

regardsmewithanimpatientexpression.

"Whatdidyoudothatgotyouarrestedandsenttoprison?"

"I'mahacker,"Isaywithouttryingtohidethepridebehindthosewords."Or...usedtobe,rather."

Shehuffs."Ofcourse.ITnerd."

"Ifyoucallmethatonemoretime,I'llgiveyouanotherspanking,"Iwarnher."Sohardthatyouwon't

beabletositforanentireweek."

She frowns at me, but blushes at the memory. No matter how much she tries, she can't hide that she

lovedit,thatnaughtylittleminx.

"Usedtobe,huh,"sherepeats."So,you'renotinvolvedinthatatallanymore?"

"No,"Isay."I'mnot."

This,however,maybealie.It'struethatI'mnolongeractivelyengagedinhackingatthemoment,butI

don't feel like this part of me is gone forever. It was too good, too satisfying and fulfilling, and not to
mention,insanelylucrative.Makingmoneyisaloteasieronceoneleavesthelegitpathandstartstoplay
byone’sownrules.Iknowthatalltoowell,andIhatetheinhibitionsthatareputonmeandmycurrent
business.

Itdoesn'thelpthatI'mstillincontactwithMax,oneofmyclosestpartnersfromthattime.Wewerea

groupoffour,butwebrokecontactwithoneanotherimmediatelyafterwewerebusted.Thatwasalways
partoftheplan,sothatourtestimoniescouldn'tbeusedagainstoneanother.ButMaxandIhavebeenin
contactwitheachotherrecently.Wewerealwaysmorethanbusinesspartners.He'stheclosestfriendI
everhad-andtheworstinfluence,whichisprobablywhatdrawsmetohimsoeasily.

Unlikeme,though,henevereventriedtowalkthestraightpath.He'sopenedanothercrackingventure

right after he got bailed out by his safety guy, a friend who's been entrusted with a huge chunk of the
moneyweweremaking,toensurethathecouldpaybailwhenandifitcametotheworst.Maxwasthe
only one who was well prepared when we got busted. I never cared for a security net, it was all or

nothingforme.

Also,apartofmemayhaveexpectedmybrothertojumpinwhenhedid.

It'shardtosaynotoMax,incrediblyhard.Theallureistoobig,thepromiseforrealmoneytoohigh,

andthesweettasteofdeceittootempting.

I'mnotdonewiththatworld.Anddespitethoseinnocentblueeyesandthewaythisperfectlittledoll

isdancingherwaythroughmyhead,Iwon'tletherfrightinfluencemydecisions.She'sjustarandomgirl;
she'llbegonesoon.

Nogirlhaseverleftalastingimpressiononme.Neverhas.Neverwill.

ChapterXVII

Sara

Iwishhewaslying.Ineverwishedforsomethingasridiculousasthis,butrightnow,it'sallIcanthink

about.Pleaselethimbemakingadumbjokeinsteadoftrulybeinganex-convict.

Butheinsistshe’stellingmethetruth.

Ishouldhaveknown.I'mnaturallydrawntobadboyslikehim,thekindthathasmorethanjustafew

rough edges, with a danger attached to them that I should stay away from. I knew I couldn't trust those
sweetgestures,thebreakfast,theromanticovertureofhimshowingupatoneofmyperformances,faking
an interest in me that can't possibly be there. If he's willing to break the law and be so blatantly open
aboutit,asifhe'sproudofhisactions,there’snowayhecanhaveaheartpureenoughformetofindthe
peaceandsecurityI’mseeking.Ifeven.

ButwhyamIsoupsetaboutthis?Thisishardlythetimeformetobelookingforsomethingserious

withsomeone,somethingreal,agoodboywhocanwantstomakemehiswifeandamother.It'snotthe
timeforthat.I'mfocusedonmycareer,mywilltobecomemorethanoneofmanyswansonthelake.I
wanttobetheswan,IwanttodanceOdetteandalltheotherwonderfulsoloistpartsthatstillseemsofar
away.

If anything, I should be glad. This will make things so much easier for me. He's an ex-convict, for

God'ssake!Hesayshe'sdonewiththosethings,butwhywouldItrusthiswords?

Thiswilljustmakeiteasierformetostayawayfromhim.

Startingtomorrow,thatis.

He observes me, his face impossible to read. He doesn't seem to care a lot about what I might be

thinkingabouthim,otherwisehewouldn'thavebeensohonestinthefirstplace.

Andhestillradiatesthesameattractionforme,aheatrisingfromhisstrongandinkedbodythatI'm

unable to resist. I can still feel the impact his size has left inside of me. I will be sore for sure, but
pleasantlysore,fordays.

"So,whatexactlydidyouhack?"Iwanttoknow,puttingemphasisonthelastwordsothatitalmost

soundsasifI'mnottakinghimseriously.IwishIwasn't.

Heclearshisthroatandlayshisheadbackintothepillows,staringattheceilinginsteadoflookingat

me.

"Everheardthetermcracking?"heasks.

"Youdealtwithdrugs?"Ireply,myheartjumpinginshock.

Helaughs,coveringhiseyeswithonehand,whilesqueezingmeinhisotherarm.

"No, not that kind of crack," he clarifies, still chuckling. "Cracking means breaking into a computer

system,moreoftenanetwork.It'softendoneforprofit,orjustforthechallengeofit.Somepeopleuse

crackingostensiblytopointoutweaknessesinasite'ssecuritysystem.That'sbasicallywhatIdid."

"Youpointedoutaweaknessinotherpeople'ssecuritysystems?"Iask."What'ssowrongaboutthat?"

"Well,that'snotthebadpart,"headds."ThebadpartisthatIdiditwithoutthemknowing-andthen

blackmailedthemfortheinformationIlearnedfromtheleaks."

"Information?"Iprobe."Whatkindofinformation?"

Hecastsmeaquicklook,ponderingforamomentbeforehecontinues.

"Ididn'texactlyhackintocharityorganizationsandkindergartens,"hesays."ThebusinessesIcracked

wereusuallynotthepillarsofsociety.TheywerenotgoodguysandhadeveryreasontopanicifIwasto
exposethem."

"So,youblackmailedthebadguys?"

Henods."Imademoneyoffofthemforbeingstupidandlaxwiththeirsecuritysystems."

"Isee,"Imumble,unsurewhattothinkofit."Youseemtobequiteproudofit."

Lux shrugs. "Cracking doesn't necessarily involve hacker brilliance. It's more about persistence and

doggedly repeating a handful of fairly well-known tricks to exploit common weaknesses. Most hackers
deplorecrackingwithapassion."

"So,anyonecoulddoit?"Iwanttoknow.

"Ididn'tsaythat,"Luxinterjects."Ijustsaidyoudon'thavetobeabrilliantmastermindtodoit."

"Whydidyoudoit?"Iask.

Luxletsoutadeepsigh,signalingthathe'sprettymuchdonewiththisconversation.

"Idon'tknow,"hesays."BecauseIcould?BecauseIwantedto?"

Irollmyeyesathim."Soyou'rebacktonotansweringmyquestions?"

"Oh,soyoudoremembersomepartsofourfirstmeeting?"hemuses."I'mgladyourbraindidn'tblack

outentirely."

Istopshortathiswords.

"Yes,Irememberthatpart,"Iadmit."Attheclub...before-"

"Yourlightswentout?"heteases,whilewinkingatme.

"Um,well-"

"Let’stakeabath,"heinterrupts,surprisingmeonceagain.

Ilookupathim,myeyeswidewithquestion.Hereciprocatesmygazewitharchedeyebrows.

"Isn'tthatwhatyousaidyouneededafteraperformance?"hewondersoutloud."Putyourfeetinice

waterandthentakeahotbath?"

Inod."Yeah,but-"

"So,that'swhatyou'llget,"heannounces,swoopingmeupinhisarmsafterhegetsoffthebed,bothof

usstillcompletelynakedashecarriesmeoutofthebedroomandacrossthehallwaytothebathroom.

ChapterXVIII

Lux

Sarasitsonalittlestool.She’swrappedinthesamerobeIgaveherafterourfirstnighttogether,her

feetdrowninginafootsoakfilledwithicewater,whileIdrawusabathandwatchherfightthecold.She
impressesme,asherfaceclearlyspeaksofthewillpowerittakeshertoexposeherfeettothisextreme
coldforanextendedperiodoftime,yetshedoesn'tcomplainorevenmakeasound.Sheendureswhatshe
hastoendureinorderforhertobeabletobethedancershewantstobe.Iadmireambitionlikethat.

"Thebathwillfeelextraniceafterthis,"shesays,shiveringasthecoldspreadsthroughoutherentire

body.

"You do this after every performance?" I ask her, as I sit on the edge of my giant corner bathtub, a

luxuryIcouldneverdowithout-andluckilyneverhadto.

Sheshakesherhead."Idothiseveryday,performanceornot.Myfeetaresubjectedtoextremestress

everyday.Ineedtodothissotheydon'tfailonme."

"Howlongdoyouthinkyoucankeepdoingthis?"Iaskher."Ifthismucheffortgoesintomaintaining

yourfeet'shealth,Ican'timaginethisisalong-lastingcareer."

"Somedancersmanagetodowelluntiltheirfortiesorevenfifties!"sheinterjects."Butyou'reright,

that'snotthenorm."

Shelowershereyes,watchinghertorturedfeetasshecontemplateshernextwords.

"I guess it depends on your general health, how well you take care of yourself, how strenuous your

dailytrainingis...andonyourcareeritself,"shecontinues."Soloistsarepaidmorethanmembersofthe
corps,whichmayallowthemtobeonstagelessoften,iftheyliveafrugallife."

"Afrugallife,huh,"Iremark.

Shelooksatme,tiltingherheadtotheside.

"This is not a career for those who want to get rich," she lectures me. "I guess for that you better

becomeahacker."

Iraiseaneyebrowather,andthenshifttocheckthestageandtemperatureofthebathbylettingmy

handrunthroughthewatersurface.

Why did I have to tell her? I've never shared this much about me and my past with any of the other

girls.Theywerejustmoreorlessanacquaintanceafterfuckingthemafewtimes.It'spartlybecauseno
oneeverasked,butalsobecauseIliketokeepthingsthatshouldbekeptprivate,private,especiallyfrom
somerandomchickwhoisnothingmorethanaplaythingforme.

Ineedtoremindmyselfthatthat'sallsheisandeverwillbe.Iwon'tfallintothesametrapasmypoor

brother.Settlingisnotforme,it'severythingthat'severbeenexpectedofme.Playingbytherules,settling
downwithagoodwoman,reproduce.Allthatshit.It'shardenoughtomaintainastraightcareerwithout
beingdraggedbackintothedarkbutenticingshadowsofcriminalactivity.

Ifuckingmissit.Thethrill,thesuccess,thefeelingofaccomplishmentonceasecuritygatehasbeen

passed, and we have gained insights about private information that were never meant for our eyes.
Nothingcancomparetothat.

ImighthavetogiveMaxacall.

OnceSaraisgone.

Shelooksatmewithhersurrealblueeyes,herblackhairruffledfromourfuck,mycumstilldropping

fromherhotpussyforallIknow,theepitomeofpurityandinnocence,taintedbymyhands,mycock.

Iwillhaveheragain,ifnottonight,itmustbetomorrowmorningbeforesheleaves.

"Shouldn't the bath be ready?" she probes into my thoughts, pulling me back to reality. My hand is

burningfrombeingimmersedinhotwaterforquiteawhile,andthebathtubisabouttooverflow.

Ihastilyturnoffthewaterandnodather,watchingassheslowlyremovesonefootandthentheother

fromtheicewater,herfaceclearlysignalingthereliefthisretreatisgivingher.Shegetsup,castingmea
sheepishsmilethatiscautiouslyaskingforhelp.

I come to her rescue, supporting her as she carefully places one foot in front of the other, her face

grimacinginpainassheapproachesthebathtubwiththegraceofanoldlady.

"Very elegant, I know," she comments, as if she's reading my mind. "Welcome to the reality of a

ballerina.It'snotnearlyasglamorousasmostpeoplethink."

"You looked very glamorous on stage," I remark as my hand moves to untie the belt of her robe.

"Especiallyinthatonedance,whereitwasjustyouandtheotherthreeswans."

Sheturnstome,hereyeswidenedinanexpressionofjoy.

"Younoticedme?"sheaskswithapparentgleeinhervoice.

"Ofcourse,"Ireply,openingthebelttoexposehernakedbody."Youwerethesecondfromtheleft-"

"Secondfromtheright,"sheobjects.

"Notfrommyperspective,"Iinsist.

"Oh,right,"shesays,assherealizeshermistake.

Ilettherobeglidedownoffhershoulders,andrevelintheviewofherbeautifulbody,asshesteps

intothehotbath.Shemakesthecutesthissingsoundswhenherfrozenfeetcomeincontactwiththehot
water.Itmustfeelevenwarmerthanitactuallyis,andIcanonlyimaginethehotpricklethatistraveling
alongherlightskinasshesubjectsherbodytoanotherextreme.

IwaituntilsheisrestingcomfortablybeforeIjoinherinthetub,greetedwithashysmile,asifwe've

neverbeenintimatebefore.Icanseewhereshe'scomingfrom.It'snotlikeIwouldusuallyaskagirlto
joinmeinabathlikethis,unlessthere'sshowersexinvolved.There'sanintimacytowhatwe'redoing
rightnowthatisonawholenewlevel.

AndIdon'tknowifIlikeit,ornot.

ChapterXIX

Sara

"Ionlygotthepartbecausethegirlwhowassupposedtodancesprainedherankleduringpractice,"I

tell him, while we’re soaking in the biggest bathtub I've ever seen. We're surrounded by mountains of
bubbles,andIcan'tgetoverhowsexyhelookswithwethairstickingtohistemple.Hisedgyundercutis
less apparent in this state, and he looks a lot younger than he usually does when he’s wearing his
trademarksuit.

Helooksatme,hiseyebrowsarchedinquestion.

"Thepartinthedanceofthelittleswans,"Iclarify."Myninetysecondsoffame.Someoneelsewas

supposedtodance,butIgotlucky."

"Lucky, huh," he says. "They wouldn't have picked you if weren't good, even if it's just as an

understudy.Ithoughtyouwerebrilliant."

Ilowermyeyesandblush.Hiscomplimentmaymeanlittleonaprofessionalbasis,butitstillflatters

metonoend.

"Withallduerespect,butwhatdoyouknow?"Ihearmyselfsay.

Hehuffs.

"Imaynotbeaballetexpert,butIhaveeyes,"hesays."You'reapassionatedancer,andthatshowson

stage.Icouldn'ttakemyeyesoffyou-itwashowyoucaughtmyattentioninthefirstplace."

NowI'mtheonelookingathimwithabigquestionmarkonmyface.

"Inthe club," hereminds me. "Isaw you dancing. Verydifferent from yourperformance on stage, of

course. But there was something about it, it's why I wasn't surprised to hear that you're a professional
dancer."

"Oh, right," I mumble, again feeling awkward by the mention of that fateful night. I wish I wouldn't

havelostmyselfthewayIdid.IwishIcouldremembermoreofit.Judgingbywhathedidtonight,our
firstnightmusthavebeensomethingtoremember,butIstilldrawablank.

"Yousaidthatdancingisnotawaytogetrich,"hesays,drawingmyattentionbacktohim."Butitcan

certainlymakeyoufamous,right?"

Ipursemylipsandtiltmyheadtotheside,contemplatinghisquestion.

"Doyouthinkthat'swhatmademedoit?"Iask."Theprospectofbecomingfamous?"

Heshrugs."Maybe?"

Ishakemyhead.

"I'msorrytodisappointyou,butIneverhadaspirationsofthatkind,"Isay."Ijustwanttodance.It's

allIwanttodo.Ican'thelpit."

"Butyoudon'twanttoremainpartofthecorpsfortherestofyourlife,"heinterjects."Youmentioned

thatbefore."

"DidI?"

Luxnods,castingmeamischievoussmile,asifhe'scaughtmedoingsomethingnaughtybyrevealing

somethingaboutmyselfinfrontofhimthatevenImaynotbeconsciouslyawareof.

"Well,soloistsandprimaballerinascertainlydancethemoreinterestingandmorechallengingparts,"I

admit."Iwouldlovetodancearolelikethatsomeday."

"When?"hewantstoknow.

Ifurlmyeyebrowsathim."Whatdoyoumean,when?You'reaskingasifthatdecisioniswithinmy

power."

"Is it not?" he probes. "There must be certain things that you can do to increase the chances of that

happening."

"Yes,sure,"Isay."Becomebetter.Ihavetobethebesttobeallowedtodancethebestroles."

Ipause,huffingasIthinkofanotheraspectthatmaycomeintoplaywiththisquestion.Justlikeinany

otherjob,ithelpstoknowtherightpeople,togetalongwiththeproducers,thechoreographers,andthe
heads of the company, the people who decide who's dancing the lead roles. It's a lot about dancing to
perfection,butit'salsoaboutnetworkingandwhoknowswho,asitalwaysis.

Also, I have a big disadvantage that has been pointed out to me several times. I'm short. Too short,

evenforaballerina.Beingtootallandtooheavywouldbemoreofaproblembecauseitmakesthings
unnecessarily hard for our supports, the male dancers. But being too short is also seen as a problem,
especiallywhenoneissupposedtostandoutamongthebiggroupofthecorps.Thereappearstobethat
oneperfectheight,thatperfectbodytype,thatgetschosenforthebestparts-andIdon'thaveit.

"I may have to work a little harder than others," I give voice to my thoughts. "Because of my short

stature.Alotofproducersdon'twanttheirleadtobeshorterthanmostoftheotherdancers,becausethey
tendtogetlostamongtheothersandhaveahardertimetofillthespotlight."

"Isthatso,"Luxsays."Evenwhenyou'reonyourtoestheentiretime."

Hewinksatme,andIknowthathe'stryingtoteaseme.

"Well,butsoiseverybodyelse,"Iaddforconsideration."Exceptforthemen,ofcourse."

Henods."Sure."

Luxbeckonsmetocomeclosertohim.Regardinghowclosewewerejustafewminutesago,we're

sittingawkwardlyfarawayfromeachother,makinguseofthegiantspaceofthebathtub.Icanfeelthe
musclesinmybodyrelax,onebyoneshuttingdownfortheday.Mytorturedfeethavestoppedprickling,
andI'mbeginningtofeeldrowsy.

Ifollowhisgestureandmovecloser,thescentedfoampartingasImakemywayintohisarms.Lux

pullsmenearertohim,gentlycuppingmysmallbreastsashewrapshisarmsaroundme.Despiteallthe
questionsandtheconversationwejusthad,thisisareminderformewhatthisisallabout.He'shardfor
me,Icanfeelhiscockpushingagainstmyback,askingfortheonethingthisex-convictwantsfrommethe
most.He'sagoodflirtandskilledatmakingagirlfeelcomfortableinhispresence,buthe'snotsomeone

tofallfor.

Ihavetorememberthat.Especiallynowthatmyheartbeginstoflutterandmycorequicklyjoinsin,

throbbingwithneedanddesireforhim.

"Ican'thelpit,"hewhispersrightnexttomyear."Youmayhavetotakeonemore.Callitanightcap."

"DoIhavetomove?"Icoo,closingmyeyesashebeginskissingmyneck."I'mreallywornout."

"Ipromisedyou,I'ddotheworktonight,"hesaysinasoftvoice,pausinghiskissesjustbelowmyear.

"Youjustenjoythis."

ChapterXX

Lux

Fuck.

Howdidthishappen?

AstingingshockshootsthroughmybodyasIrealizeI'mnotalone.She'scurledupnexttome,herback

turnedtome,onlyherblackhairpeekingupabovethesheets.SaraandInotonlyspentthenighttogether,
wespentittogetherinthesamebed.

HowcouldIletthishappen?HowcouldIevenfallasleepwithherlyingnexttome?

Thisishowitfuckingstarts!Thosedamngirls.Theyluretheirwayintoyourbed,continuingtheirway

crawlingintoyourheart,takingovereverythingyouareuntilyouforgetthepersonyou'remeanttobe.

Justlikemydamnbrother,Iseemtobeabouttolosemymindoveragirl.Ifuckinghatethis.

Atleastwe'renotinmybedroom,butintheplayroom.Iwassmartenoughtobringherhere,nakedand

freshlybathed,hereyesdazedwithdrowsinessasshesighedagainstmyskin.Suffocatedmoansescaped
herpoutylipsasIfuckedherfrombehind,drivinghertiredheadintothesheets,whilerammingmyhard
lengthoverandoveragainintoherpetitebody.Despiteherfatigue,shedidn'tjustletthingshappen,but
claimed her release by toying with her clit while I took what I wanted from her. She didn't ask for
permission, and she didn't announce it, but I could feel her muscles tensing around my cock when she
foundherlastreleaseforthenight,anditwasimpossiblenottofollowherovertheedge.

Bythetimeourorgasmshaddieddown,shewasalmostasleep,curlingupsnugglyinmyarmsasifit

wasthemostnaturalthingintheworld.Herrelaxedbreathingsoothedmeintoadreamlesssleep,even
thoughIhadnoplansofstayingwithherthroughthenight.

That'showithappened.

It'sokay.Itwassuperlate,Iwasexhaustedfromfuckingher,dazedbythehotbathandhercontagious

fatigue.

Itwasaone-timeoccurrence,that'sforsure.

Ihurrytogetoutofbedbeforeshewakesupandturnsaround,mesmerizingmewiththosedamnblue

eyes,invitingmeforsomedamnmorningcuddles.Ohno,that'snotgoingtohappen.

Igetoutoftheroomasquicklyandquietlyaspossible,headingstraightformybedroomtoputsome

clothesonbeforeImakemywaytothekitchen.She'snothungovertoday,sothere'snoapparentneedto
makebreakfast,exceptforthefactthatI'mstarving.Ineedsomebaconandeggs,andcoffee.

Thisismainlyforme.I'mnodamnbutler.Butshecanhaveabiteonceshewakesup.I'mnotatotal

asshole,afterall.

"Youdon'tsleepmuchdoyou?"Ihearhervoicefrombehind,startlingmesomuchthatIalmostletthe

pandrop.

Iturnaroundtofindherstandingatthekitchencounter,wearingnothingbutthesamerobeofminethat

she's worn every time she’s been here that I'm inclined to call it her robe. Her hair is not nearly as
rumpledasitwasthelasttimeshewokeupatmyplace,andInoticethatshe'swashedherfaceandeven
putonsomelightmake-up.That'sgood.Sheshouldn'tgettoocomfortablearoundme.

Besides,shelooksfuckingalluringthisway.Ifitwasuptome,she'dhaveherbreakfastnaked.Asthat

thoughtcrossesmymind,anaughtyideastartstotakeshapeinsidemyhead.

"Youjustsleeptoomuch,"Iretort."Hungry?"

Shenods."Starving."

"Well,onlygoodgirlsgettoeat,"Iannounce,curioustoseeherreaction.Therearemanywayforher

torespondtothis,butonlyonethatwouldsatisfyme.

Confusion,asitispaintedonherfacerightnow,isonlyacceptableifitturnsintoacceptanceonceshe

understandswhatIwantfromher.

I turn off the stove and walk over to her, taking her doll-like face between my hands and tilting her

headback,soshe'slookingupatme.

"Getridoftherobe,"Itellher."Iwantyounaked."

"I'mhungry,"sheinsists,soundingabittooinfantileformytaste."Ijustwanttoeat-"

"Andyouwill,"Ipromiseher."ButIwantyoutobenakedwhileyoudo."

Her eyes flicker as she ponders the implications of my words. I can see her instincts fighting back,

picturingandanalyzingallthedifferentoutcomesherreplycouldhave.Iknewshewouldn'tbethekindof
girlwhodropstoherkneesassoonasItellherto.She'sdefiantandnewtothis,butshe'salsocuriousto
seehowherbodyreactstopleasingmebyfollowingmycommands.

"Alright," she says, one of her eyebrows lifting in a condescending expression. "If that makes you

happy."

"Itdoes."

I don't like her tone, but am pleased to see her obeying, as she lets the robe slide down and off her

shoulders,herflexiblebodywindinginelegantmotions,whileshekeepshereyesfixatedonmine.

Iwanttotouchher,butdotheexactoppositebytakingastepbackawayfromher.Surpriseflickersin

herblueeyes,andthat'sexactlywhatIwantedtosee.Ihatebeingpredictable.

"Sit,"Itellher,pointingovertothehighchairsatthekitchencounter."You'llgetyourfood."

Sheregardsmewithonelastconfusedlook,butthenshefollowsmyorderandtakesaseatononeof

thehighchairs,awkwardlyshiftingaroundasIbringheraplatewithbaconandeggs,andsetitdownnext
toacupofsteamingcoffee.

"Thankyou,"shepipes,castingmeanervoussmile.

"Thankyou,"Iretort,reachingforherleftnippletoteaseherwithaquickpinch.SheyelpswhenItake

itbetweentwofingers,onlytwistingitforasplitsecond,butenoughtomakeherjumpwithpain.

She'spantingwhenIturnaroundtogetaplateformyself.

"Alwaysgoodtokeeptheheartrateup,"Isay,withoutlookingbackather.

"You'reamonster,"sheuttersbehindme.

ChapterXXI

Sara

Thelastcurtainfortheseasonfallsasweflyoffthestage,armsextended,saltysweatdrippingdown

ourexhaustedbodies,ourfeetcryinginpain,stillconfinedinthetightcagethatpointeshoescanbecome
afterawhile.

"Done!"Isabellaannouncesnexttome,holdingherhandupformetohigh-fiveher.

I follow her gesture, smiling, and still breathing heavily from exhaustion. The season is over, which

means I won't have any big performances for the next few months, but it doesn't mean that I will be on
break,atleastnottheentiretime.

Theendofaseasonalwaysoverwhelmsmewithawiderangeofconflictingemotions.It'sareliefon

onehand,becauseitmeansthatIwillhavemoretimeformyselfandcan-theoretically-takethingsa
little slower. I always gain a little weight during off-season, which is okay with me because my body
always bounces back to stage weight once I start preparing for the next season. Besides, it's one of the
perksofnotbeingin-seasontoindulgealittle.Notonalcohol,though,that'sforsure.

ButI'llalsomissit.Thestress,thebondthatgrowsbetweenthecorpsaswespendevenmoretime

togetherthanweusuallydo,allofusworkingonthesamegoal-makingthisperformanceasuccess.Most
of the other girls will still be there next season, but not all of them. The lineup changes every year,
especiallyassomeofusseekoutotheropportunitieswithothercompanies.

"Youhaveanythingfunplanned?"Isabellaasksme,aswemeandertothedressingroom.

Ishakemyhead."Notreally.Idon'thaveenoughsavingstotravel."

She sighs. "Yeah, me neither. But I might lock myself in for a week of binge-watching TV shows or

something."

"Thatsoundsglorious,"Ijoke.

Shegrinsatme."Iknow,right?"

"Areyougoingtodosometouringwiththecompany?"Iask."Ithoughtyouwere."

Isabellanods."Yeah,Iamgoingto.You'renot?"

Ishakemyhead,tryingnottoletitshowhowmuchthisdisappointsme.Iknowtheydon'tnecessarily

askeverybodytojoin,butitwassomethingIhadbeenhopingfor,especiallyafterdoingsowellduring
this Swan Lake season. Money is always tight, but it gets worse during off-season. I can still consider
myselfluckybecauseI'mpartofabigcompany,anopportunitythatcomeswithitsownperks,butitalso
meansthatgettingupinrankisallthatmuchharderbecausethecompetitionismorefiercethanitwould
beinasmallerballetcompany.

Isabellaisproofofthat.Westartedatthesametimeandwe'rethesameage,butshenotonlyhasthat

littlebitofextratalent,butalsothephysiquetosurpassmewhenitcomestocasting.She'sonlyasmall
stepawayfromsteppingupinrankandbecomingasoloist,andIknowshehaswhatittakestomakeitall

thewayuptoprincipal.

Me,however...Imighthavetobecontentwithremaininginthecorpsfortherestofmycareer,even

though I really don't want that. The fact that Isabella will be touring during off-season while I'm not is
disheartening,andonlysolidifiesmypessimisticoutlook.

I have to think of Lux and what he said about me wanting to become famous. I'm certainly not a

limelighthog,butIdowantthespotlight,thosewonderfulleadroles,therankofaprincipaldancer,the
onlyoneswhocanreallycallthemselvesballerinas.

Butitmayneverhappenforme.

Whilepeelingmyselfoutofmyswancostumeforthelasttimethisseason,Ifindmyselfdwellingin

sadthoughtsabouteverythingthatI'vemissedoutonbecauseI'vebeenchasingthisdream.Ahealthyand
long-lasting relationship is one of those things, and just a while ago, I might have said that my daring
datingadventureswerefun,butnowIfeelthedesireforsomethingrealgrowinginsideofme.

Isitjustbecauseofhim?Itcan'tbe.I'vedecidedthatthesmartthingtodoistokeepmydistancefrom

Lux.He'sanex-convict,andwhilehisbadboyattitudeisexactlywhatdrewmetohiminthefirstplace,I
vowedtomyselfthatIshouldnolongerseekthiskindofthrill.

Hescreamsdanger,notonlybecauseofhiscriminalpast,whichI'msurehe'sonlytoldmethesmallest

bitabout.Hisdomineeringnatureiswhatscaresmethemost.It'sadeliciousfright,somethingIknowI
crave.MybodyhaswonovermymindseveraltimeswhenIwaswithhimbecauseofthethingshedidto
me.Thewayhelooksatme,thewayhisvoicechangeswhenhecommandsmetodothingstopleasehim,
the way my core pulses with need every time he does it - it's all so very alluring, tempting like a
dangerousdrug.

I know that he wants to do more, and now that the season is over, I don't have to be as careful as

before,atleastinregardstoleavingmarksthatwouldhaveshownthroughmypurewhitecostume.Apart
of me wants to tell him. I want to tell him that now he can do whatever he wants with me, I want to
experienceallthethingswemissedoutonsofarbecausewehadtobecareful.Iyearnforit.

Butwhatifthingsgotoofar?Whatifheloseshimselfanddoesmoretomethanjustleaveafewmarks

onmypaleskin?

We haven't seen each other since I stayed over that night, and then the next morning eating breakfast

completelynakedbecausethatiswhatheorderedmetodo.IblushasIrecallthefeelingoftheleather
fabriconmynakedbehind,mycoretinglingwithanticipationwhileweate,hiseyeshungrilytakinginmy
entirebody.Hisgazewassointensethatitfeltasifhewasactuallytouchingme.It'senoughformetoget
excitedandaroused,waitingandhopingforhimtolayhisexperiencedhandsonme.

Thatmorningendedwithhimtellingmetoscootbackwardsuntilmyasswasjuttingovertheedgeof

the seat, making my sex accessible for him, while he stood behind me, fucking me roughly with his
massivecock.Iheldontothecounterashedroveintome,glowingwithheatasmycheeksblushedin
shameatmyownarousalinresponsetohiscontrollingdemeanor.

Even now, my heart is racing and my core throbbing with need as I remember that morning - or any

encounterwithhim.

So,hemaynotbegreatboyfriendmaterial.Andyes,Ishouldbecarefulandshieldmyselfemotionally

fromhim.

Buthe'sstillbyfarthegreatestsexI'vehadinmyentirelife.AndIwantmoreofit.

Especiallynow.

Despitethesombermoodthatcomeswiththelastcurtainoftheseason,IcannothelpbutsmilewhenI

getoutofmygracefulswancostumeandbegintoremovethepinsfrommyfeatheryheadpiece.

There'sroomforadifferentmenow.

ChapterXXII

Lux

"Anotherone?"IgroanwhenmysecretaryEmilyentersmyoffice,coweringasifshe'stheonewho's

causingmethismuchofaheadache.Ialmostfeelsorryforher.She'smerelythemessengerofbadnews,
butthatalsomakesherthepersonwho'sconfrontedwithmyragefirstwheneverthingsdon'tgothewayI
wantthemto.

Andlately,thishasalltoooftenbeenthecase.

"I'msorry,"shesays,castingmeaconsolinglookassheplacesanotherletteronmydeskthathasan

attorney'saddresslistedasthesender.

"ThisisnotourGoddamnproblem,"Ihiss,reachingfortheletter,eventhoughIknowwhatitsays.

"It'stimeforourclientstounderstandthat.Whydotheykeepsendingthatshitourway?Wehaveaclear
disclaimer,freeingusfromanyresponsibilitywhentheygetintrouble."

"Iknow,sir,"Emilyreplies,stillcoweringlikealittleschoolgirl,eventhoughshe'sseveralyearsmy

senior."That'swhatItellthemwhentheycall.Ithinkthey'rejusthelplessandoverwhelmed.Beingsued
isascarything,especiallyforsmallcompanies."

"Youdon'tsay,"Imumblewithoutlookingather.Iknowverywellwhatitfeelslikewhenthedamn

lawcomesafteryou.That'sexactlywhytheseattorneylettersbothermesomuch.I'vebeentryingtoavoid
allofthisshit,I'vebeencareful,doingtheGoddamnrightthing,beingprofessionalandsafeaboutour
work, just like I was told to do. All my company does is provide loopholes for other companies and
improve their security systems to make them less prone to hacker attacks. Yes, we do sometimes
circumventregulations,butbendingtherulesisnotbreakingthem.Nothingwedoisillegal,andwehave
securedourselvesfromanyconsequencesthatmayarisewhenourclientstakeadvantageofthesystems
wecreatedforthem.Thisisclearlystatedintheircontracts.

YetIhavetodealwithmoreandmoreoftheseattorneyletters.Frightenedclientsareforwardingthem

tome–they’vedonesomethingunscrupulousorillegalandgottencaught,butthentheydon’tknowhowto
handle the ramifications of their dubious actions that they thought were going to be hidden behind the
shieldofoursystem.

Itdoesn'tendangerourownoperation,butitisanuisancethatcostsmealotoftimeandsometimes

money.Someofthesecasesmayleadtoushavingtoappearincourt,whichofcourseissomethingI'dlike
toavoidbyallmeans.

WhydoIevenbotherwiththis?Whydothegoodthing,whenit'snotonlylesslucrativebutalsoso

muchmoretediousthanbreakingtherulesanddoingmyownthing?

Maxdoesn'tgetiteither.He'sridiculedmemorethanoncefordoingthis,andI'mbeginningtothink

he'sright.He'srunninganewoperationallbyhimself,makingmoreandaquickerprofitthanIamwith
mylegitbusiness,and-mostimportantly-enjoyinghimselfwhilehedoesit.

Thoseweregoodtimes.Workingintheshadows,notonlybreakingtherulesbutstandingabovethem,

taking advantage of a system that leads others to screw up and make bad decisions when they try to
circumventit-that'sme.Ilovedworkingwiththeboys,andIdespisethespicandspanperfectionthat
comeswithsloweddownprogressofhonestbusiness.

"Youknowwhattodo,"ItellEmily,who'sstillstandingontheothersideofmydesk."Givethemthe

usualreply,makeanoteintheclient'sfileandletmefillouttherestaftertheweekend.I'mgoinghome
fortheday."

Hereyeswideninsurprise."Oh,already?"

It's only 4:00 p.m., so she has every reason to be surprised because I never leave my office before

6:00 p.m., but I have plans for tonight, plans that involve a particularly slender swan who needs to be
wrapped around my cock and handled in a way I couldn't have her before. When Sara texted to let me
knowthatshe'dliketoseemeagain,shementionedthatherballetseasonwasover,andI'mprettysure
shehasagoodreasonformentioningthat.TherearethingsIcandotohernowthatIcouldn'tdobefore,
andI'mnotmissingoutonthatchance.

Myprettylittlefucktoywillgetwhatsheneeds,andIwanttotakemytimewithherwithoutrisking

anothersleepoverinthesamebed.I'mnotpassingoutnexttohertonight,butIwillleavemymarksonthe
canvasthatisherperfectporcelainskin.

She'dhatetheideaofmeworkingtogetherwithMaxagain,butshewillneverknowaboutit.Besides,

whyshouldIevenworryaboutwhatshemightthink?Ishouldn't,andIdon't.Thisisnoneofherbusiness.

Allsheneedstoworryaboutiswhatwewilldotonight.

Tonight,she'lldancejustforme.

ChapterXXIII

Sara

"I'mgladyou'reenjoyingyourfood,"heremarks,sendingmealittlesmirkacrossthetable.

Tonightisallaboutmegettingwined,dinedandfucked,hesaid.We'restillinthemiddleofthewining

anddiningpart,andI'mdigginginlikeIneverwouldduringballetseason.Thisisisoneoftheperksof
off-season, and it's not uncommon for us dancers to become "fat and lazy," as Isabella once put it. Of
course,thatisn'tentirelytruefortheluckygirlswhowillbetouring,butformeitcertainlyis,toacertain
degree.

However,I'veneverbeentoasfancyofaplaceasthisone.IknowLuxisswimminginmoneyandthis

is nothing new to him, but I still feel a bit weird about being taken to such a luxurious restaurant. I'm
wearing one of my fanciest and most expensive dresses because I knew he'd take me out tonight to
somewherespecial,butIstillfeelhorriblyunderdressed,especiallyincomparisontohim.

I'm wearing a cute navy blue cocktail dress that I bought on clearance, whereas he's dressed to the

ninesinacustom-tailored,darkgraysuitthathugshisbroadshouldersperfectly,thefabricstretchingjust
sooverhismusculararmswhenhereachesforthebottleofwinetotopoffmyglass.We'reatanItalian
place,andtheCalzoneIorderedlookslikeit'sthesizeofmyhead.Idon'tevenwanttothinkaboutthe
nutrientvalueoftherichRicottafilling,soIwon't.Thistastestoogoodtospoilitbythinkingaboutthe
ramifications of eating this much. I will still hold back, but for other reasons. Our evening is only
beginning,afterall.

"It'samazing,"Itellhim,noddingtowardtheplateinfrontofme."BestCalzoneIeverhad."

"DoballerinasevereatCalzone?"hemuses.

Ihuff."DidInottellyoubefore?It'sacommonmisconceptionthatwedon'teatwell.Sure,wehaveto

watchourweight,butbecauseweworkoutsohard,weneedalotmorecaloriesthanyou'dthink."

"Ofcourse,"hesays."Fuelthemachine."

Hisattentionreturnstohispasta,andheabsentmindedlycurlssomespaghettiaroundhisfork,twisting

it into the perfect twist using his spoon as the base. Something is bothering him tonight, I can tell. He's
occupiedandwithdrawn,andhardlyseemstolookatme,whichisveryunusual.

"How is yours?" I ask, desperately attempting to keep the conversation alive, even though it never

reallygotgoingtonight.

Helooksatme,pursinghislipsashenodshisheadfromonesidetotheother.

"Decent,"hesays."Nothingspecial."

"Doyoucomehereoften?"

Henods."It'sverypopularforbusinessmeetings."

Aquestionlingersinmyhead,butI'mnotsureifIshouldaskit.

"Didyoueverbringanothergirlhere?"Iwanttoknow,optingforthearguablydumberoption.

Luxputshisforkdown,andforamomentIfearImighthaveannoyedhimtoomuchwithmyquestion.

Hereachesforhisglassandtakesabigsipofthequalityvintage,takinghistimetoponderhisanswer,
while I regard him with an expectant look. I know he's doing this to punish me for stating such a dumb
question.Ofcourse,therecanonlybeoneanswertothis:that'snoneofyourbusiness.

Buthesurprisesme.

"No," he says eventually, as he puts his glass back on the table. "No, I've never brought a girl here.

You'rethefirstone."

"Oh,"Isay,unsurewhetherhe'stellingmethetruthorjusttryingtoflatterme.Butwhywouldhedothe

latter?There'snoreasontoflattermebecausehe'snottryingtowinmeover.I’mjusthisfucktoy.Right?

"Ifeelflattered,"Iadmit,winkingathim.

He responds with a short-lived smile. It disappears as quickly as it appeared, and at this point, I'm

beginningtoworry.Whatisbotheringhim?Whyishesodistractedtonight?

"Iseverythingokay?"Ifinallydaretoask."Youseemalittleofftonight."

"DoI?"heasksback,hiseyebrowsarchinginsurprise.DidhereallythinkIwouldn‘tnotice?

"Yes,"Isay."Imean...youdon'thavetotellme,butsomethingseemstobebotheringyou.You'revery

distractedtonight."

Helooksatme,aconcernedexpressionframinghisfaceforjustamoment,processingmywordsasif

theyweremeantasanaccusation.

Isitme?DidIdosomethingwrong?

"It'snothing,"hesays,blockingmystreamofthoughts."It’snothingforyoutoworryabout."

"WhosaysI'mworrying?"Isay,tryingtosoundlighthearted."Ijustnoticedthatyou'requiteoccupied

tonight.Maybeitwillhelpyourelaxifyoutellmeaboutit?"

Heshakeshishead."Idoubtit."

"Aha!So,thereissomething!"

Helaughsashelooksatme,pointingmyfingerathiminanaccusatorymanner.

"It'sjustwork,"hefinallyadmits."Idon'twanttoboreyouwithit."

"Work,huh?You'renottheonlyonewhocanbebotheredbyworkissues,youknow,"Imumble,now

reachingformyglassofwine.It'saPinotGrigioandoneofthebestI'veevertasted.IwishIlivedina
worldwhereIcoulddrinkwinelikethiseveryday.PeoplelikeLuxdon'tknowhowluckytheyhaveit.

"Letsmakeadeal,"Isay,lookingathimoverthetopofmyglassasItakeacarefulsipofthelavish

liquid."Youtellmeaboutyourtrouble,andItellyouaboutmine.Wecanbeeachother'stroubledepotfor
the time being. It often helps to unload and share your worries with someone else, especially someone
whohasabsolutelynoconnectiontoyourwork.Andlet'sfaceit,wecouldn'tbelivinginmoredifferent
worlds."

Lux huffs, casting me a smile that reaches his eyes and melts my heart. He's so freaking handsome,

especiallywiththatexpression,asoftsmile,almostinnocentlikethatofalittleboy.Whenhelooksatme
likethat,IfeellikeIcanalmostseetheyoungboyheoncewas.

"Alright,"heagreestomyproposition."ButIhaveonecondition."

"Yes?"

"Nolecturing,"hesays."Thisisjustforunloading.Youknowtoolittleaboutmeandmybusinessto

givemeadvice."

"Pfft,"Iutter."We'llseeaboutthat."

"No," he objects. "We won't see. You proposed a deal, I'm agreeing to it, but only under this

condition."

He'soddlyintense,butatleasthe'snotwithdrawnanddistantanymore.I'drathertakeafierceanddark

lookliketheonehe'sthrowingmerightnowthanenduretheabsentchatterwesharedearlier.Ilikethis
sideofhim,ofcourseIdo.Itcastsadifferentlightontheroughanddomineeringsideofhim.

Iwouldmuchratherhavemychestthrobwithtensionthanmymindwanderoffinboredom.

ChapterXXIV

Lux

"Idon'tknowifIevertoldyouwhatmycompanydoes,"Ibegin,stillstrugglingwiththeideaoftelling

thisgirlanything.Butshehasawayofgettingtome.Ineedtobecareful,notonlyformysake,butfor
hers,too.ButthewaysheprobesandshowsasincereinterestinwhoIamandwhatIdoisnewtome.
Noonehaseveraskedquestionslikethesebefore,andnoonehaseverlookedatmethewayshedoes.
Herblueeyesarelockedonmine,eagerlyawaitingmyreply,andherexpressionismixedwithalittle
worrybecausesheanticipatesthatsomeofthethingsIsaywillunsettleher.

"No,notinsomanywords,"shesays."Iknowfarlessaboutyourjobthanyouknowaboutmine,that's

forsure."

Iraisemyeyebrows."Iguessyoucouldsaythat."

Thewaiterarrivestobringourdessert,andIpause,collectingmywordswhileheservesus.Ican't

helpbutnoticethelittlesparkthattwinklesinhereyeswhenaplateoflavachocolatecakeisplacedin
frontofher.It'sendearingtoseehersopassionateaboutherfood.Nomatterwhatshetoldme,I'mpretty
sureshehastorelinquishalotduringballetseason.

"Well, we pretty much provide a system for other companies to use, so they can improve their own

security,"Isummarize.

"Sotheycanprotectthemselvesagainstpeoplelikeyou?"sheasks."Hackers?"

Inod."Yes,that,butalsoagainstothercompanies,andthegovernment."

"Thegovernment?"sheblurtsout,freezingwithherforkhoveringoverthecakeasshewasjustabout

totakethefirstbite."Whywouldtheyneedprotectionfromthegovernment?"

Iclearmythroat,tryingtofindtherightwords.Myheartishammeringagainstmyribcage,andIhave

noideawhy.AmIseriouslyscaredtotellher?WhythefuckamIsoworried?

"Well,theydon'talwaysplaybytherules,"Ibegin."Sometimes,it'seasierforacompanytosucceedif

theycircumventcertainregulationssetbyourbureaucracyand-"

"So,they'redoingillegalstuff?"sheinterrupts,archinghereyebrows.

"Tobehonest,Icouldn'ttellyou,"Irespond."That'snotthepartweconcernourselveswith,andI'm

pretty sure most businesses we work with are simply moving in a gray area, bending the rules or
surpassingthem,butneverreallygoingallthewayintoillegalterritory."

"Mmhmm,"shemurmurs,regardingmewithasuspiciouslook."Whatdoyoumeanbynotconcerning

yourselfwiththatpart?"

"We have a clear disclosure," I say. "Our legal department was very careful to keep our name clear

andsafe.Nomatterwhatourclientsdowiththesystemweprovideforthem,weclearlystatethatit'snot
intendedforabuse,andwedon'ttakeresponsibilityforhowtheyuseoursystem."

"What kind of things could that be?" she wants to know, closing her eyes with relish. As she takes

another bite from the tiny cake, the look on her face is almost like the one she makes when she’s
orgasming.

"Taxfraud,mainly,"Isay."AsfarasIknow."

ItrytoplaydumberthanIam.Ofcourse,Iknowprettywellwhatalotofourclientsneedoursystem

for, and in most cases, they're more than just moving in a gray area. Some of them are naive enough to
discussthesethingsopenlywithme,butI'veneverriskedanythingandmadesuretonevergiveareply-
atleastinwrittenform-thatcouldgetmeintrouble.

"Asfarasyouknow,"Sarautters,loweringhereyes."So,yougivethemtheabilitytodowrong,but

thencleanseyourselfofsinbyfreeingyourselfofanyliability."

"Idon'tgivethemthemeanstodoevil,"Icorrecther."Igivethemthemeanstoprotecttheirbusiness."

Sherollshereyes,amovethatIwillkeepinmindforlater.

"Yes,butstill,"sheargues."You'renotexactlypreventingevileither."

Ishrug."Whosaysthatwasmyintention?"

"Right,"sheresponds,shakingherhead."Ofcourse,youwouldn'tbeinterestedinthat."

"Don'tbesojudgmental,"Iwarnher."AndItoldyou:nolecturing."

Shearcheshereyebrowsandliftsahandindefense.

"Sure,whatever,"sheretorts."Butyoustillhaven'ttoldmewhat'sbotheringyou?"

"Youmightnotlikeit,"Iwarnher.

Saragathersthefinalcrumbsfromherlavacakeonherforkwhiletwirlingherotherhandinamotion

beckoningmetocontinuetalking.

"Well,someofourclientsarenotassmartasI'dwantthemtobe,"Icontinue."Theyfeelalittletoo

securebehindtheshieldofoursecuritysystem,whichmakesthemactcarelessly.Andeventhoughwedo
have this crystal clear disclosure that delegates any and all responsibility over to them, they still try to
involveusintheirlegalbattlesfromtimetotime."

"You're in trouble with the law again?" she probes, now looking seriously concerned. She's such a

goody-goody,it'salmostannoying.

"Iwouldn'tgothatfar,"Isay."LikeIsaid,ourlegaldepartmentisprettysolid,andwe'resmartenough

tododgethesebulletsastheycomeatus.Butlately,therehavebeensomanyofthemthatithasstopped
usfromtakingonanyothernewclients."

Saratiltsherheadtotheside."Why?Becausepeopledon'ttrustyouanymore?"

Ishakemyhead."It'snotthat.Ifanything,newsaboutthismaymakeusevenmoreinterestingtosome

businessesbecausetheyallthinkthey'dactsmarterthantheoneswhogetcaught.Butwehavetolaylow
forawhile.Idon'twantanymoreattentiononusrightnow,we'retooyoungtohandlethispressure."

Ipauseforamoment,observingherreactionasshetakesinmywords.Saradoesn'tlookhappy,butI

can'ttelliftheconcernonherfaceisdirectedatmeoratherbeingwithme.

"Ithurtsprofit,"Isay.

Shepursesherlipsandnodsherheadtotheside."Atleastyou'replayingbytherules.Kindof."

Isnort."Youreallythinkthat'sthemostimportantpart,don'tyou?Playingbytherules."

Shenarrowshereyesandslowlyshakesherhead,lookingutterlydistraught."No,notatall."

"Itseemslikeitis,though,"Iinsist."You'resuchagoodgirl.Icanseethefearinyoureyeseverytime

Italkaboutthesethings."

Saraharrumphsandreachesforherglass,finishingtheremainingwineinonebiggulp,whileshetries

tocalmherselfamidmyaccusations.

"I'mnotscaredofyou,"sheobjectsafterfinishingherwine."Ijustdon'tadmirepeopleforgettingin

troublewiththelaw.Fuckme,right?"

Ihuff.She'ssocutewhenshe'sinfuriated.

"ThatIwilldo,"Ipromiseher."Afteryouholdupyourendofthedeal."

ChapterXXV

Sara

"I'mafraidmylittletroublesareboringincomparisontoyours,"Ibegin,shylymovingtheemptyplate

awayfromme.ThatwashandsdownthebestchocolatelavacakeI'veeverhad,andIwassadtoseeit
disappearoffmyplatesoquickly.

"Tryme,"hesays."Butfirst,wouldyoucareforanespressooranythingelse?"

Ilookupathim,ponderingtheoffer.I'dlovetohaveanespresso,buthe'salreadyorderedsomuchfor

us.ThewinebottlealonemustcostmorethanIspendonfoodforaweek.Ican'tevenimaginewhatthe
totalcheckwilllooklike.Hetoldmenottoworryaboutit,butIcan'tturnoffthatpartofme.I'mnotused
tobeingspoiledlikethis.TheguysI'vedatedbeforetookmeoutforpizzaandbeer,ifanything.I'venever
beentreatedtosomuchbyagentlemanlikehim.

DidIjustcallhimagentleman?Ichuckleatmyownthought.ClearlyIwillhavetomakeupmymind-

isheadangerousbadboyoranoldschoolgentleman?Hecan'tbeboth.Orcanhe?

"So?"heprobes,alreadywavingforthewaiter’sattention.

"Anespressowouldbenice,"Idaretosay.

Henods,lookingpleased."I'llhaveone,too."

The waiter takes our order, picking up the empty dessert plates and taking them with him when he

leavesourtable.He'swearingasuitthatmakeshimlookmorelikeabutlerthanawaiter,entirelyfitting
forthisentireplace.Therestaurantisrathersmall,onlyholdingabouttentofifteentables,andallofthem
are occupied tonight. The lavish decor consists of thick, red velvet curtains, accompanied by elaborate
stucco adorning the high ceiling above us. The tablecloths are impeccable white linen, and they’re so
thickandheavythatitmusttakequitesomeefforttowashthem.

Ofcourse,Icanonlylookatthisfromtheservicepeople'sperspective.Idon'tthinkLuxhasevergiven

asinglethoughttotheordealofcleaningaheavytableclothlikethis.

"So,startboringme,"hesaysafterourespressosarrive.Helooksatme,raisingoneeyebrowashe

takeshisfirstsipoutofthetinycup,lookinglikeamalemodelinaTVad.

"Oh, it's nothing really," I say, realizing that I'm beginning my story in the exact same way he did.

"Nothingnew,thatis."

"Itmaybenewtome,"hesays.

"Well,asyouknow,theseasonisoverfornow,"Ibegin,awkwardlystumblingovermywords.

"Youmentionedthat."

"Andduringoff-season,we'renotexactlygettingpaid,"Isay."Mostofustakeonotherjobstogetby,

but some are touring with the company. The latter doesn't get you rich either, but like I said, nothing in
dancing does that unless you become a superstar. But touring, that's one way to get closer to stardom.

You'repaid,andyou'reoutthere,onotherstages,performing,gettingyournameout."

I pause, taking in a deep breath before I feel capable of continuing. I didn't realize how much this

botheredmeuntilnow.I'veknownaboutthisforawhilenow.IknewthatIsabellawasaskedtotour,and
Iwasn't.WhyamIsuddenlystrugglingwithitthismuch?

"Letmeguess,you'renottouring?"hepresumes.

Ishakemyhead.

"I'm not, but one of my friends is," I say. "She's the same level as me, we started at the company

together.Shewasactuallyoneofthefourswans,theonetomyright."

Hetiltshisheadtotheside,tryingtorememberher.

"Tomyleft,"Icorrectmyself."Shewastomyleftfromtheaudience'spers-"

"Idon'tcare,"hesays,cuttingmeoff."Andyou'rebotheredbythefactthatshe'sbeenaskedandyou

haven't?"

Iflattenmylipsandshiftonmyseat.

"That'snotexactlyit,"Isay."Imean,Ilikeher,she'smyfriendand-"

"I didn't accuse you of being jealous," he interrupts me. "I just made an assumption of how you feel

aboutherbeingaskedtotourwhileyouwerenot."

Iswallowdryly.

"She'sabrilliantdancer,"Iinterject."Probablybetterthanme.Andshehastheperfectphysique."

Hiseyebrowsdartup.

"ForballetImean,"Ihurrytoclarify."She'stallerthanme,andlessweird-looking."

Atthis,hehastolaugh.Icasthimanindignantlook,dubiouswhetherhe'slaughingaboutmeorwith

me.

"Sorry,"hesays."Butcallingyourselfweird-lookingisjustfunnytome."

Hepauses,clearinghisthroatbeforeheplaceshiselbowsonthetabletosupporthimselfasheleans

overtome.

"Makeofitwhatyouwant,"hewhispers."ButIthinkyoulookperfectlybeautiful,likeasexy,little

doll."

Iblushathiswords,butyetcan'thelpbutobjecttohisflatteringcompliment.

"See,that'sexactlytheproblem,"Isay."Ilooktoochildlike,tooshortandtooodd.It'snotgoodfor

casting."

Hethrowsmeasoftsmile.

"Doyouthinkthat'sthereasonwhytheydidn'taskyoutotour?"heasks.

Ishrug."Idon'tknow.Maybe."

"Don'tyouthinkyou'remakingthingsalittletooeasyforyourself?"

Ifrownathim."Whatdoyoumean?"

"Your appearance and stature is something you can‘t change," he says, stating the obvious. "If you

blameyourlackofsuccessonthosefactors,youprettymuchtakethingsoutofyourhands."

Idon'tlikewherehe'sgoingwiththis.IshesayingthatI'mlazyandnottryinghardenough?

"It's not just that," I insist. "It's just very hard to get a higher rank, especially in a big company like

Anaheim."

"Woulditbeeasierinsmaller,lessprestigiouscompanies?"hewantstoknow.

"Possibly,yeah."

Heleansbackinhisseat,finishinghisespressowhilecastingmeasuggestivelook.

"Maybethat'ssomethingtoconsider,"hesays.

"Changingtoasmallercompany?"Iask."Butthatwouldbeastepbackward!"

"Just thinking outside the box," he says. "Do you want to dance the big roles, or dance at a big

company?"

Iletoutanexasperatedgasp."Iwanttodancethebigrolesatabigcompany."

Ihesitateforamoment,myfingersnervouslyplayingwiththetinyespressomuginfrontofme.

"Iwanttobeasoloist,orevenaprincipalatAnaheim,"Isay,myvoicesolowthathecanprobably

barelyhearme.Thisgoalissounrealisticformetoachieve,Ihardlydaregivevoicetoit.

Henods."That'slaudable.Iadmirepeoplewithhighaspirations,butstubbornnessmaybarthewayto

whatyouwantthemost."

Luxpausesforamoment,ponderinghischoiceofwordsbeforehecontinues.

"Let's say you had to choose," he says. "Either dancing the big roles, or dancing at Anaheim, but

remaininginthecorpsfortherestofyourcareer.Whichwouldyouratherdo?"

Helooksatmeexpectantly,crossinghisstrongarmsinfrontofhischestasheawaitsmyreply.

Itakeinadeepbreath,myeyesscurryingthroughtherestaurant,jumpingfromonefocustoanotheras

ifIwaschasingtheanswertohisquestionthroughouttheroombecauseIsimplycan‘tgetaholdofit.

"Idon'tknow,"Isaytruthfully."Ireallydon'tknow."

ChapterXXVI

Lux

Saraisawfullyquietduringthedrivetomyplace.Shesitsinthepassengerseat,hereyesgluedtothe

dark world outside, barely acknowledging my existence. It won't be easy to get her out of that
contemplativemood.Imighthavetospankitoutofher,sinceshe'sveryresponsivetothat.

Our conversation took a surprising turn after I agreed to her silly deal. I shouldn't have told her as

muchasIdid,andIjustnowrealizethatIdidn'tgoalongwiththeonlyconditionIset.

Nolectures.

Intheend,Iwastheonelecturingher.Idon'tknowwhyIdidit.IsitbecauseIcareforher?AllIknow

isthatthethoughtofhergettinglostinamassofhomogenousdancersdoesn'tsitwellwithme.She'stoo
goodforthat,toospecial.Ifanything,herunusualappearanceshouldbeanadvantageforher.Whyisshe
so interested in conforming to a standard that is boring at best? I hate that she thinks something is so
fundamentallywrongwithherthatshewon'tbeabletodancethebigroles,ever.

Thenagain,Ineverunderstoodwhypeoplewouldprefertofloatwiththecurrentinsteadofdoingtheir

ownthing.

"I'msorry,"shewhispersoutofnowhere,stilllookingoutthewindowassheaddressesme.

"Sorryforwhat?"

"Forthispensivesilence,"shesays."Youshookmeupalittlebitbackthere."

"DidInow?"Iask."Inagoodway,orinabadway?"

Shesighs."Hardtosay,actually."

"IfImadeyoureconsiderafewthings,that'sagoodthing,"Isay."Youshouldpausetothinknowand

again."

Nowsheturnstome."Isthatwhatyoudidafteryouwenttoprison?Pausetothink?"

"Yes,Ihadplentyoftimetothinkwhileinprison,"Isay."Notalotelsetodointhere."

"Howlongwereyouinthere?"shewantstoknow.

"Notthatlong,justacoupleofweeks,"Ireplytruthfully.

"Oh,thenit'snottoobad,"sheretorts.

I'mnotsurewhatexactlyshemeansbythat.Thedurationofbeingbehindbarsitself,ortheactthatput

methere?

"Areyoustillonprobation?"Saraasksfurther.She'sphrasingthequestioninsuchanonchalantmanner

thatIfeelshedoesn'tposeitforthefirsttimeinherlife.

"No,"Ilie.Allconvictionaside,shedoesn'tneedtoknoweverything,andIfinditbesttodivertfrom

thissubjectassoonaspossible.

I'm in talks with Max to partner up again, another thing that I don't want Sara to know about.

Communicatingwithhimhasn'tbeeneasybecausewecanneverbesurethatourlinesaren'ttapped.Ilet
himknowthatI'dbeinterestedinjoininguponhisnewproject,andhesaidhe'dgetbacktomeinthenext
fewdays.Thatwasthreedaysago,andIhaven'theardfromhimsince.Hedidn'teventellmehowhe'd
get back to me. We've been using encrypted texts so far because conventional ways seem too risky. If I
knewwherehewas,wecouldmeetupinperson.Thatwouldlikelybethesafestoption,butIhaveno
ideawherehe’sstayingrightnow.ForallIknow,hemayliveallthewayacrossthecountry,orevenbe
rightnextdoor.

"Must'vebeenshitty,"Sarasaysabsentmindedly.

Icastheraquestioninglook.

"Prison,"sheexplains."Youdon'thearalotofgoodthingsaboutit."

Iletoutacondescendinglaugh."Ishallsay!It'safuckinghellhole."

Shelooksatme,hereyestryingtocatchmine.Ikeepmyeyesdirectedonthestreetahead,feigning

interestinoursafety,soIdon'thavetoreturnhergaze.

"Sowhyriskgoingbackthere?"sheasks.

"I'mnotdoingthat,"Iinsist.

"Let'shopeso,"shemumbles.

"EvenifIwas,Sara,it'snoneofyourfuckingbusiness."

Shegasps."What?Don'tyellatme!"

"I'mnotyellingatyou,I'mjust-"

"Yes,yes,Igetit!"shebarksback.

Irollmyeyes.Thiseveningisdefinitelynotgoingasplanned.We'refightinglikeanoldcoupleinstead

offuckinglikeanimals.

ButIwouldn'tbemeifIcouldn'tturnthisaround.

Wearriveatmyplace,neitherofushavingspokenanotherwordsincemyoutburst.I'mdonebeinga

gentlemanfortonight,butshedoesn'tletmeanyway.SarastormsoutofthecarbeforeIevengetachance
toopenthedoorforher.

Yet,asweheadtowardstheelevatorintheundergroundparkinggarage,I’mstillconvincedthatIcan

turnthisnightaround.

UntilIseehim.

Ihavenoideahowhegotinhere,butthere,rightnexttothedoorsleadinguptothestaircasebythe

elevator,isMax.He’sleaningagainstthewallwithhisarmscrossedinfrontofhischest,abroadsmile
plasteredonhisface.HelooksdifferentfromthelasttimeIsawhim–he’slostsomeweightandgained
somehaironhisface–buthe'sstilldisplayingthatsamecharacteristicwisecrackinggrin.

I'dbehappytoseehim,ifitwasn'tforSara.Sheignoreshispresence,andisjustabouttowalkpast

himwhenhepusheshimselfawayfromthewall,approachingus.

"Lux,myoldman!"heyells,walkingtowardmewithhisarmswideforahug."Sogoodtoseeyou!"

"Max,"Iutter,frozenwithsurprise.

He wraps his arms around me, and I do the same, adding hearty slaps on each other's backs as we

reunite.Saracomestoahaltafewfeetaheadofme,turningaroundtousandwatchingquietlyasMaxand
Iengageinourmanlyembrace.

"Man,it'ssogoodtohaveyoubackonboard!"Maxexclaims.

Itrytohushhimwithawarninglook,noddingtowardSara,hopingthatheunderstandswhentoshut

up.Heseemstounderstand,hisgrinwideningasheseesher,standingthereinhercutelittlenavyblue
dress,herblueeyesgazingupatusinquestion.

"Andwho'sthislittleladyfriend?"heasks,takingafewstepstowardherwithhishandextendedfora

greeting.

Saraarcheshereyebrowsathischoiceofwords.

"I'mSara,"shemumbles,assheshakeshishand.

"Youshouldhavetoldmeyou'recoming,"Isay,hatingtotalktomybestfriendinthiscoldtone.Max

isagreatguy,buttonighthistimingcouldn'tbeworse.

Heturnsbacktome,laughingawkwardly.

"Iguessso!"hesays."SorryifI'minterruptinganything,butyouknowit'snotthateasy,whatwiththe

fedsstillonmyheels."

Saragaspsinshock."Thefeds?"

HereyesdartbackandforthbetweenmeandMax,searchingforananswershedoesn'twanttohear.

"Nothing to worry about," Max interjects before I get a chance to say anything. "I know how to

outsmartthem.We'rebeingmorecarefulthistime."

"We?" Sara asks, her eyes widening in horror, as she turns her gaze back to me. "Lux, what is he

talkingabout?"

"Nothing,"Isay,mymindrunningwild.

IturntoMax,placingmyhandonhisshoulder.

"It'sgoodtoseeyouback,"Isay,actingasifthemomentsbeforehaven'thappened."Butnottonight.

I'mbusy."

Maxlaughsheartily,placinghishandatthebackofhisheadinagestureofembarrassment.

"Dude,sosorryaboutthis,"hesays."ButI'monlygonna‘beintownforliketwoorthreedays.AndI

didn'twanttocallyou,becauseyouknow-"

"Yes,Iunderstand,"Iinterrupthim,beforehesaysanythingelsethatcouldunnecessarilystirupSara.

"Wecantalktomorrow."

"Aboutwhat?"Sarachimesin.Sheapproachesmeinwide,angrysteps,hereyesflickeringwithfury.

"Whatdoeshewanttotalkwithyouabout?"

Sheglaresupatme,hereyespiercingintomewithsuchvibrantforcethatitalmostfeelsasifshecan

readwhatevertruthshe'sseekingwithoutmesayinganotherword.

"Nothing,"Isay."It'snoneofy-"

"Yousaidyouwerenotinvolvedwiththiskindofshitanymore,"shesays,pointingatMax,whogasps

withindignationbyherinsultinggesture."Andnowthisguy,aguywho'schasedbythefeds,showsupin
themiddleofthenight,inyourparkinggarage,congratulatingyouforbeingbackonboardandwantingto
talktoyouabout'nothing'?DoyouthinkI'mfuckingstupid?!"

"Hey,nowcomeon!"Maxtriestocalmherdown."You'rebeingkindofunf-"

"Shutup!"sheyellsathim.

I almost have to laugh at the scene. Max is flinching as this pint-sized girl yells at him, pointing her

fingerathiminanaccusatorymanner,allwhileshe'stremblingwithrage.Ihadnoideashecouldbesuch
alittlefirecracker.

However,IwouldfinditmoreendearingandentertainingifIdidn'thavethisicyfearforminginside

me.

Thefearoflosingher.

ChapterXXVII

Sara

"Sara!"heyellsbehindme,asIstridetowardtheexitoftheparkinggarageinwideangrysteps."Sara,

wait!"

HemustthinkI'mafuckingidiot.Itrytogetawayfromhim,buthequicklycatchesuptome,grasping

andholdingmebytheshoulderandforcingmetoturnaroundtofacehim.

"Please,letmeexplain,"hesays,asoureyesmeet.

"Whatistheretoexplain?"Iask."Youliedtome!Youliedwhenyousaidyou'redonewiththisshit.

Youliedjustafewminutesago,inthecar,whenwetalkedaboutyounotriskinggoingbacktoprison.
Youliedwhen-"

"Ididn'tlie!"heinsists,hisvoiceechoingloudlythroughthegarage.

"And you're lying now," I say, ignoring his interjection. "Please, Lux, don't take me for a fool. It's

insulting."

He presses his lips flat, throwing me an angry look, as if I was the one who messed everything up

tonight,eventhoughhe‘sclearlytoblame.

"Iwanttogohome,"Isay,myvoiceshakingastearsthreatentobreakthesolidexteriorI’veputupto

protectmyself."Thishadtoendatsomepoint,Iknewthatfromthebeginning.Youjustgavemeagood
reasontoenditnow."

Paingraceshishandsomeface,anoddexpressionthatIhaven'tseenonhimbefore.

"What?"heasks."Areyouserious?"

Igulp,suppressingtheurgetocry.

"Yes, Lucas," I say, emphasizing his name. The name he asked me to never use again. The name he

hates."I'mdonewithboyslikeyou.WhateverIwanttoachieveinlife,whateveramongthechoicesyou
laidoutformewhenwetalkedearlier-I'mriskingtoomuchbydatingself-proclaimedrenegadeslike
you.Ican'thavethatinmylife."

Hisgazedarkens."That'ssofuckingstupid..."

"Whatyou'redoingisfuckingstupid!"Ibarkathim."Justletmegohome."

Hesighs."Sara,really.Whydoesanyofthismatter?It'snotlikewe're-"

"It'snotlikewe'rewhat?"Icuthimoff.

Luxstaresatme,bitinghislowerlip.

Iknewit.We'renothing,weneverwouldhavebeenanything,andhedoesn'thavethegutstosayitout

loud,evennow.

Itakeinadeepbreath,followedbyasigh,ashehelplesslyshiftsaroundonhisfeet.It'ssopathetic,I

almostwanttopunchhim.

"Letmeatleastdriveyou,"hesayseventually.

"No,"Iinsist."Icanmakeitonmyown,thankyouverymuch."

"Sara!"heyellsanewwhenIturnaround,onceagaintryingtomarchawayfromhim.Butthistime,he

doesn'ttrytostopme.

I call myself a cab, something I would never do because it's way too expensive for me. But the

prospect of facing public transportation all by myself, at night, traveling across half the city, is just too
muchtohandle.AstingofregretpricksintomychestwhenIpaythedriverandgetoutofthecarinfront
ofmyapartment,myheadlowandmyshoulderssunkeninasImakemywayupthestairs.

Oliviaishometonight,whichisrareconsideringthatshe'susuallyeitheronstageoroutpartyingwith

herfriends.Ihearmusiccomingfromherroom,andforamomentIfearthatshemighthaveadateover.
There'snothingworsethanlisteningtoyourroommatefuckingherdateintheroomnexttoyourswhenyou
comehomewithabrokenheartafterabreak-up.

Butcanyoureallybreakupwithsomeonewhenyouwereneverofficiallyacouple?LuxandIhaven't

shared much except for amazing sex, part of which I still cannot remember. Tonight's conversation may
havebeenanexception.Ifeltclosertohimthaneverbefore,evendespitetheunsettlingthingshetoldme
abouthimself,andtheuncomfortablequestionsheposedaboutmycareer.Butstill...itwasmostlysex.

Notjustanysex,though.TheintimacywesharedwasbeyondanythingI'veeverexperienced.

"Whatareyoudoinghome?"

Olivia'svoiceforcefullypullsmeoutofmythoughts,andIflinchinsurprise,droppingmykeystothe

floorasIturnaround.She'sleaningagainstherdoorframewithherarmscrossedinfrontofherchest.I
didn't even notice the music getting louder as she opened the door because I was so occupied with
thinkingaboutLux.She'swearingsweatpantsandnomake-up,whichsuggeststhatshehasnoguykeeping
hercompany.ThankGod.

"Ithoughtyouwereoutonahotdatewiththatclubguy?"sheasks,concernrunningdeepinhervoice.

"Whathappened?Didhebailonyou?"

Ishakemyhead,pickingupthekeysandthrowingthemonalittleendtablenexttoourentrancebefore

scuffing along the hallway, heading for my room. I don't know what to tell Olivia, and I don't feel like
talkingaboutthingsatall,butIknowshewon'tletitgothateasily.

"Hedidn'tbail,"Isay,fallingdownonmybed.Oliviafollowsmeintomyroom,joinsmeattheedge

ofmybed,lookingatmeexpectantly.

"Thingsjustwentawry,"Itrytoexplain."Ihadtogohome."

"Hadto?"sheasks."Why?Whathappened?"

"Tobehonest,Idon'treallywanttotalkaboutit."

Oliviasighs."Didyoufight?"

Igathermyselftositupstraight,avoidingeyecontactwithher."Notreally."

"Didhedosomethingstupid?"shefollowsup.

Ihuff."Yeah,Iguessyoucouldsaythat."

"Whatthen?"sheprobes."What'ssoterriblethatyouhadtocomehome?"

"It'scomplicated-"

"Oh, come on!" Olivia interrupts me. "Not that phrase! I'm pretty sure even Facebook doesn't allow

thatasarelationshipstatusanymore."

Irollmyeyesather."Itreallyisn'tthatsimple."

Olivia puts her hand on my shoulder, casting me an empathetic look. "Nothing is ever easy when it

comestomen,Sara.Trustme."

ChapterXXVIII

Lux

"I'msorry,man,"Maxsays,afterweclinkthefirstofwhatIexpecttobemanybeerstonight."Didn't

meantocock-blockyoulikethis."

Iglanceathimfromtheothersideofthecouch,asItakethefirstsipfrommybottle.There'snothing

likeabottleofYuenglingwithmybuddyaftersuchalongtime,despitetheunfortunateaftermathofhis
suddenappearance.

"Yeah,youcould'vetoldme,"Isay."Droppinginoutofnowherelikethis.Itneveroccurredtoyouthat

Imighthaveotherplansforthenight?"

Helaughs."Yeah,thatwasdumb.Ishould'veknown,youoldgo-getter."

Maxlooksatme,raisinghiseyebrows."Shewasacuteone,too.Bitclingy.Iguessthiswasn'tyour

firstnightwithher?"

"Well,thankstoyou,itwascertainlyourlast,"Isay,turningawayfromhim,sohecan'treadwhatever

myfacemaygiveawayaboutmyinnerturmoilrightnow.Idon'twanttodwellonlosingSara.Evenmore
so,Ihatethefactthatthisevenfeelslikealoss.

"Pity,"Maxsays,bringingthebottleuptohislipsagain."Didn'tknowyouliked'emslenderandtiny

likethat,though."

"She'sadancer,"Isay."BallerinaatAnaheim."

Maxletsoutalowwhistle,archinghiseyebrows.

"Nice!"hecongratulatesme."Betshewasbendyasfuck."

I growl as a reply, trying to come to terms with the unfamiliar anger his comment about Sara fuels

insideofme.We'vealwaystalkedaboutourconqueststhisway,judgingtheirappearances,theirabilities
inbed,theiroverallvalueasafucktoy.Ourinterestwasalwaysmorefocusedonthegirl'sdeep-throating
abilitythanhereyecolor,letalonehercareer,orthewaytheywalkdependingontheirmood.

Why the hell do I remember Sara's walk? Or the way she spoke, the way her God damn eyelashes

flutteredwhenshewaseitherflatteredornervouslyanxious.

"Right?"Maxprobes."Shewas,wasn'tshe?"

I‘mstartled,lookingathimforamoment,beforeIrememberthatIowehimathoroughdescriptionof

Sara's lithe and lissom body as she squirmed beneath me, details of how far I could spread her legs,
allowingforextraordinaryleewayandanimagesoarousingthatmycockistwitchingevennow.

"Yeah,shewas,"Imumble,unwillingtoelaborate.

"Oh, come on, bro, you gotta‘ give me more than that," Max complains, giving me a punch from the

side."It'sbeentoolongsinceI'veheardnaughtyLuxstoriesaboutthelittlechickshedragstohispalace."

Ittakesallmypowernottoreturnthepunchhejustgavemewithtwicetheforce.Idon'twanttotalk

aboutSara,especiallynottohim,andespeciallynotlikethis.WhyonEarthdoeshenotgetthat?

BecauseI'veneverbeenlikethiswithagirlbefore.

Inevercared.Ifuckedthem,IgotridofthemwhenIgotbored,andIneverwastedanotherthoughton

them,evenwhentheybrokedownintearsinfrontofmeasIwascastingthemoutofmylife.Itnevergot
tome,noneofthemeverdid.

Exceptforthisone.Sara'sblueeyesarestillpiercingintome,uncoveringlayerafterlayerwithher

sillyconcernsaboutmeandmybusinessdecisions.

Fuckthat.

"Didn't you come here to talk business?" I ask Max, trying to divert the topic to something less gut-

wrenching.

Maxregardsmewithalook,scanningmeasifhe'sseeingmeforthefirsttime.Ikeepastraightface,

myeyesnarrowedandanexpressionofangryimpatienceonmyface.

"Pussy,"hespitsatme.

Ifrownathim."Whatthefuckdidyoujustcallme?"

Heraiseshishandsindefense,shakinghishead.

"Nevermind,bigguy,"hesaysinareconcilingtone."Let'stalkbusiness,ifyou'reupforit."

"Itoldyou,Iam,"Iretort."Thiswholedoing-the-legit-thingisnotworkingoutforme.Iwantinon

whatyou'redoing."

"It'snotworkingout?"Maxasks."Isitashardastheysayitistomakemoneyasanhonestman?"

Ishrug."I'mmakingmoneyallright,butnotasmuchaswedidbackthen,andwithfarmoretrouble

attachedtoit."

"Don'tforgetthosedamntaxes,"Maxsays."GladIneverhadtoworryaboutthatshit."

Ichuckle,shakingmyheadathiswords.

"Alotofpeoplesharethatsentiment,"Isay."That'sexactlywhatmakesmycompanyworkatall,I'm

afraid.Mostofourclientsuseoursecuritybarriertotakeadvantageofloopholesforavoidingtaxes."

Maxlaughsandraiseshisbeertome.

"Playingonthesideofthegoodguys,butstillsupportingthetrueheroes,"hecomplimentsme."Idig

that."

"Leavingtheshadowshasitsdisadvantages,"Iaddforconsideration."Noteveryonelikesyouforit."

Henods."Sure.Butwhatwouldlifebewithoutalittlerisk."

That'snotwhatImeant,butI'mnotgoingtobedumbenoughtobringSarabackintothisconversation.

She'sgone.I'vegotnothingmoretolose.ThebenefitthatcomesfromthisisthefactthatIcangobackto
doingthethingsIreallyenjoyed,togetherwithMax.

"Idon'tlikerisk,"Iobject."Ifwedothis,Ineedittobebulletproof.Idon'twanttoendupbehindbars

again."

Maxregardsmewithaskepticallookfromtheside.

"Won'thappen,"hesays."Wewon'tgetcaughtthistime."

"Whatmakesyousosure?"Iask."Andwouldn'titbesafertoinvestsomeeffortintocreatingaback-

upthatwillkeepusintheclear,evenifthefedsturntheirattentiononusagain?"

Maxshrugs,agesturethatIdon'tliketoseeinresponsetowhatIjustsuggested.

"Youneverthoughtaboutit?"Iwanttoknow.

Heletsoutanirritatedsighofexasperation."No,Ihaven't.Becausewewillnotgetcaughtthistime."

"Howcanyoubesosureofthat?"Iprobe."Tellmewhatyou-"

"Lux,buddy,areyouinonthisornot?"heinterruptsme."Becauseyouseemawfullywaryforsomeone

whowasalloverthisjustafewmonthsago.Idon'twanttogetintodetailsunlessIcantrustyoutobeon
boardwiththis."

"HowcanIbeonboardwhenIdon'tfeellikeyou'vetakenthenecessaryprecautions?"Iask."You'rea

littletoolaxformytasteinregardtogettingbustedagain.I'mnotcondemningyouroperation,Ijustwant
tobesaferthistime.Morecareful."

Maxshakeshisheadandbringshisbeeruptofinishthebottle.

"Callmeapussyallyouwant,"Isay."ButI'mnotgoingtojailagain."

"Maybeyoureallyareapussy,"Maxreturns."Isitbecauseofher?Thepetitechickfromtonight?"

Aclamptightensaroundmychest,causingmyhearttoruninawildstorm.

"Shehasnothingtodowithanything,"Isaythroughgrittedteeth.

"I'mnotconvinced.Somethinghaschangedyou,man,"Maxsays.

Ifinishmybeerinsteadofgivinghimareply.Maybehe'sright,maybeIhavechanged.ButIrefuseto

admitthatithasanythingtodowithSara.

"Okay,maybeIhavechanged,"Iagree."Butifanything,itwasprisonthatchangedme.Believeitor

not,Idon'tneedthatthrillanymore.It'stheprospectformoreleewayandfreedomthat'sattractivetome,
nottheexcitementofpossiblygettingcaughtbythefeds."

Maxsighs."Youcan'thaveonewithouttheother."

Ilookathim,realizingthatI'mshoweredinasenseofdoubtthathasn'tbeentherebefore.DoIreally

wantthis?Isthewilltobedifferentthanmyolderbrother,thedesiretobetheblacksheepofthefamily,
the bad son, really strong enough to jeopardize the things I have achieved? Does doing my own thing
reallyhavetoentailthedangerofimprisonment?Canyoureallynothaveonewithouttheother?

"MaybeIcan,"Isay,meetingMax'seyesasheturnstomewithapuzzledexpression.

ChapterXXIX

Sara

"Okay,girl,thishastostop."

Olivia is standing in front of me, arms crossed and her foot tapping impatiently as she watches me

loungingonthebed.

"What?"Iask,confusedatheraccusatorystance.

"This,"shesays,wavingherhandinacircularmotiontowardme."Thisdwelling,moping,sleeping

allday-"

"I'monvacation!"Iprotest,causinghertolaugh.

"You'reonoff-season,notonvacation,"sheobjects."AndI'veneverseenyouspendthismuchtimein

yourroom,seasonornot.You'vegottogetoverthiswholeheartachethingyou'reintorightnowandget
backtolivinglife."

"Excuseme,"Iexclaim."I'mnotintoanyheartachethingrightnow.I'mfine!I'mjustrelaxingalittle."

Oliviarollshereyesinexasperation.

"Let'sgetrealhere,"shesays,liftingherhandmotioningmetostayquietassheexplainswhat'swrong

withme."Thisisaclassicdisplayofabrokenheart.AndIknow,youandthisguy,whatwashisname
again...Lion?"

"Lux,"Icorrecther.

"Right, Lux," she says in a couldn't-care-less attitude. "I know you guys weren't like, serious or

anything, at least you say so, but you're obviously hung up on him. I've never seen you this mopey,
especiallynotrightafteraseasonends,whenyou'reusuallyoutandabout,doingallthethingsyoudon't
allow yourself to do while season is in full swing. Heck, all you do is sit around in your room, binge-
watchdumbTVshows,andheadouttothestudioonceinawhile,soyourbodydoesn'trotcompletely."

I frown at her, pouting like a kid, as she continues to insult me with her description of my alleged

behavior.

"You'reexaggerating,"Isay,butmyvoiceislackingsomuchweightthatevenIdon'tbelievemyself.I

knowOliviaisright,butIdon'twanttoadmitit,nottoherandnottomyself.

Shecomescloser,sittingnexttomeonthebedasIlowermyhead,tryingtohidethewrenchingsorrow

thatthinkingaboutLuxcauses.

"Look," she whispers, placing her hand on my shoulder. "I'm not trying to make you feel any worse

here,I'mjusttryingtohelp.Atleastspeakaboutit,forGod'ssake.You'vebarelydone,eatenorevensaid
anythinginoveraweeknow,anditjust...freaksmeout.I'mworriedaboutyou,that'sall."

Ishakemyhead,asifIwastryingtotellthetearstostayaway.I'vebeenonthevergeofcryingfor

days,buthavealwaysmanagedtocontainmyself,suppressinganythoughtsaboutwhathappenedbetween
meandLux,downplayingwhateverhemayhavemeanttome,actingasifIdidn'tmisshimlikecrazy.

BecauseIdo.Ihaven'trealizedbeforehowclosewehadbecomeinsuchashortamountoftime,how

muchalltheselittlethingswesharedmeanttome.Wehadcontactalmosteverydaysincewefirstmet,
but it was all so natural, so mundane almost, that it felt like nothing special at the time. Now that he's
gone,notfightingformeonebitafterIaccusedhimandlefthiminthatparkinggarage,Ican'thelpbut
sugarcoateverylittlegoodthinghedid.It'snotevenhard,becausethereweresomanyofthem.

Buthewasanex-convict,anditdoesn'tlooklikehe'slearnedhislesson.Thelastex-convictIhooked

upwithalmostbrokemylegandruinedmycareer,andLuxhasthesamebruteattitude.Hehasrestrained
himselfsofar,butwhosaysthathewon'tloseitoneday?Andwhosaysthathe'snotgoingbacktoprison
anytimesoon?Becausewiththewayhe'sheadedrightnow,thatdoesn'tseemtobeoutofthequestion.

And he doesn't care. He doesn't care enough about me to stop doing those things, to become a legit

man,anhonestman,amanwhoisinchargeoftherebellioustendenciesthatleadlittleboys,butcanonly
tickleagrownman.

Idon'tshareallofthiswithOliviabecauseIknowitwouldonlyworryherfurther.ButIwillhaveto

tellhersomething.Maybeshe'srightandtalkingaboutitcouldhelpmetofeelbetter.

"I'mgoingtobeokay,"Iassureher."It'sjust...Idon'tunderstandwhythisissohardforme.It'snotlike

hewasmyboyfriendoranything."

"Butyoulikedhimalot,didn'tyou?"

Ishrug,toostubborntoadmittheobvious.

"Hewaskindofrude,youknow,"Isay."TryingtotellmewhatIshoulddowithmylife,eventhough

hehasnoidea."

"Howso?"Oliviawantstoknow."Whatdidhetellyoutodo?"

Iclearmythroatandadjustmyposture,sittingupstraightandwithmyeyesonherinsteadofthefloor.

"Well,forexample,hetoldmethatIshouldlowermyexpectations,"Ibegin."Tellingmetolookfora

smallercompanyifIwanttobecomeasoloist,insteadoftryingtomoveupinrankatAnaheim."

Oliviaraiseshereyebrows,twirlingherhandtourgemetocontinuetalking."And?"

"And?" I retort. "Don't you think that's kind of insolent? Assuming that I'm not going to make it and

basicallytellmetogiveupnowinsteadoftrying?"

"Well,Idon'tthinkthat'showhemeantit..."

"Butthat'swhatitsoundsliketome,"Iinsist."Imean,okay,Imaybereachinghigh,veryhighindeed,

andokay,Imaynothaveasgoodofchancesasothergirlsdo,butIshouldatleasttry,don'tyouthink?"

Oliviashiftsaroundawkwardly,avoidingeyecontact.Issheagreeingwithhim?

"Doyouthinkhe'sright?"Iaskwithahintofhorrorinmyvoice.

Shenodsherheadfromonesidetotheother,bitingherlowerlipasifshe'stryingtokeepherselffrom

sayingsomethingwrong.

"I'mpretty sure hewas just tryingto help you," shesays eventually. "Andyou know, that's basically

whatIdid."

Shelooksatme,hergazeimplyingatraceofaccusal.

"I'm working at a smaller theater, on a smaller team, with a smaller audience and smaller pay," she

says."Becauseitwasmoreimportantformetoplaythebetterroles,tobethecenterofattention,ifyou
wanttocallitthat.Ilovemyjob,andIwouldn'twanttobejustoneofmany,evenifitmeantthatIcould
bepartofamoreprestigiousinstitution.It'sallaboutpriorities."

Ipauseforamoment,feelingbadaboutpossiblyinsultingOliviabywhatIsaid.Iknowthisabouther,

andIshouldhaveconsidereditbeforetellingherallofthis.Thatwassoinsensitiveofme.

"I'msorry,"Isayinalowvoice,castingheranapologeticlook.

Shesmilesbackatme.

"Don'tbesorry,"shesays."I'mveryhappywithmychoiceandwouldn'tdoitanydifferently."

"Evenifyoucouldbethestaratabigtheater?"Iask.

Oliviahuffs.

"I'dneversaynotothat,"sheadmits."Butlet'sfaceit,thoserarespotsinthelimelightarereservedfor

veryfew,andthere‘snoshameinnotbeingoneofthem.Lifeismorethanwork,evenforartistslikeus."

"Sure,"Iagree,eventhoughIdon'tknowofmanythingsthatmeanasmuchtomeasdancing.

Maybethat'sexactlywhyIshouldreconsiderLux'ssuggestion.

ChapterXXX

Sara

Itneverhurtstolook.ThefactremainsthatLuxisnotthekindofmanIshouldbewith,nomatterhow

muchithurtstoacceptthis.Buthemayhaveleftmewithsomefoodforthought.I'dbeoneoftheveryfew
to leave Anaheim for a smaller company by choice, but if there was a chance for me to stand out in a
smallercompany,Idon'twanttomissoutontheopportunity.

It's the first time in years that I'm researching possible ballet appointments for myself. I was still a

teenagerthelasttimeIdidresearchofthissort,andthenIstoppedbecauseIcouldstayatAnaheimand
feltcomfortablethere,evenafterthedreamofgettingahigherrankbecamesmallereveryseason.Itcould
happennextyear,ortheyearafterthat,butchancesarethatitneverwill.

ThemoreresearchIdo,thelesstheideaofchangingcompaniesrepulsesme.Therearesomanyout

there,evenlocally.IneverthoughtaboutmovingawayfromLA,eventhoughit'squitefarfrommyfamily.
Butassadasitmaysound,Idon'tmissthemawholelot,especiallysincemymothergotremarriedtothis
guySteven,acardealerwhohasaslittlesenseforballetasonecanhave.Shebroughthimtooneofmy
performances,andheactuallyfellasleep,afterwardshakinghisheadaboutthose"sillyfrills"wewere
wearingonstage.ItwasthefirstandlasttimethatIeverhadthetwoofthemsittingintheaudienceduring
oneofmyperformances,andI'mnotevensadaboutit.Mymothersupportedmeinpursuingmydream,
butonlyafterIreceivedascholarshiptoattendclassesatAnaheimandmovetoLA,andthusnolonger
her responsibility. Our relationship is good enough to spend a decent Christmas together - if I get the
chancetoactuallygohomeduringthattime-andthat'senoughforme.

I'vemadethiscitymyhome.It'swhereI'vehadthebesttimeofmylife,wheremyfriendslive,where

mydreamtookshape.Idon'twanttoleavethisplace,unlessIabsolutelyhaveto.

Butfromthelooksofit,Iwon't.Someofthesmallercompaniesintheareacurrentlyhaveopencasting

calls,andIreckontherewillbeevenmoreoncethenextseasonapproaches.Itcan'thurttopayavisitto
oneortwoofthem.Justanoncommittalpeekatwhattheymightoffer.

Anotherthingthatcatchesmyattentionisthefactthatalotofthemconcentrateoncontemporarypieces,

somethingI'verarelygottenthechancetodo,eventhoughthey'renotuncommonatAnaheim,either.This
couldbeanewchallenge,anewwayofdancing.

Alternative flows and choreographies instead of moving within the strict constraints set by ballet

standards.

Bendingtherulesinsteadofbreakingthem.

Isn'tthatwhatLuxcalledit?Heappliedittowhathewasdoingwithhisalmost-legitbusiness.

I'msittingatourkitchentable,stretchingmylegswhilemyeyesaregluedtothescreenofmylaptop.

It'shardformetositcompletelystill.IalwaysseeaneedtomoveinsomewayandinmostcasesIresort
to stretching. There's no such thing as too much stretching, and it's also something that can be done
anywhere,anytime.

I wonder what he'd say if he knew that I'm actually following up on his suggestion? Would he be

happy?Wouldhelookatmewiththatcondescendingsmile?Wouldhecallmeagoodgirl?

Somehow,thelastthoughtsendsashiverdownmyspine.It'sareminderoftheneedthat'sseededdeep

insideofme.Aneedthathecanfulfill,aneedthathemayhaveawakenedwithinme.

I shake my head violently, as if that could make the thoughts about him go away. It's a gesture that

comesnaturally,eventhoughIknowthatthinkingabouthimcan'tbeshakenoffthateasily.

It'ssoridiculous.Especiallybecausehe'sprobablynotthinkingaboutmeatallanymore.

ChapterXXXI

Lux

"Idon'tgetit,"Maxrepeats,slamminghisemptybottleonthewoodencounter.

We'resittingatabarthatisknowntoveryfewpeopleinmyworld.It'sashadyanddarkunderground

place,withcheapbeerandaclienteletomatch.Idon'tcomehereoften,butit'sagreatplacetoescape
fromtheworldIusuallyfindmyselfin.

It'salsoagreatplacetopickupchicks,basedonmyexperience.

"Whatexactlydoyounotget?"Iaskhim,raisingtwofingerstothebartendertosignalourwishfor

anotherround.

"Thisone-eightyyou'redoingonme,"Maxsays."Weren'tyoutheonepracticallybeggingmetoresume

anewoperationthat'smoretoyourtaste?"

Inod.

"Andweren'tyoutheonewhiningabouthowconstraininganddumbthelegitworldoutthereis?"he

adds."Howyourbusinessisnotbringingintheprofityouwanttosee,butinsteadgetssloweddownwith
thisconstantbullshitofpeopletryingtogolegalonyou?"

Inodagain.

"And-justtogetthisstraight-nowyouwantmetogetonboardwithyou?"heconcludes."Insteadof

doingsomethingawesomewithme?"

Again,Ireplywithnothingbutasilentnod,asthebartenderplacestwomorebeersinfrontofus.

Weclinkbottlesandtakeafirstsipofourthirdbeerfortheevening.We'vebeenhereforawhile,and

ittookmesometimetocomeupwiththeproposalIwantedtopresenttoMax.

Thefactremainsthathe'sthebestbuddyIeverhad,anddespitehisinconvenientintrusiononmydate

withSara,Idon'twantthisguymissingfrommylifeanylonger.

ButIalsodon'twanttogotojailagain,andthemoreIspokewithhim,themoreIcametorealizethat

itmaynotbetheillegalbusinessitselfthatIwasmissing,butjustthetimespenttogetherworkingwith
him.He'ssmarterthanheseemsatfirst,andhecomesfromacompletelydifferentbackgroundthanIdo,
which-inmyeyes-makesitallthemoreimpressivetoseewhathe'scapableof.Heneverhadabigtrust
fundoraprominentfamilythatwantedtomakesurehe'dlandapositionatthetop.Mybrotherwasright
whenhesaidthatIwasequippedwithagoodbrain,butIwasalsobackedwithalotofmoney,unlike
Max.

He's smart and hard working, but also reckless in his rebellious attitude. I'm pretty sure his little

crackingactivitieswouldn'tgounnoticedfortoolong.He'dgetbustedagain,andthistime,hemightnot
havethemeanstobailhimselfout.

"Yes,Iwantyoutoworkwithme,"Iclarify.

"Foryou,orwithyou?"heprobes.

"Withme,"Iinsist."IknowI'dnevergetyoutobendoverbackwardsorevenfollowthesimplestof

directives."

"Damn straight I wouldn't," Max says, before taking a big sip of his beer. "I'm not one of your little

sluts."

Isigh,pushingasidethethoughtthathejustinsultedSaraasbeingoneofthosesluts.

"What'sinthisforme?"Maxwantstoknow."Imean,whyonEarthwouldIdothis,afteryouwhined

abouthowstupidandlameitis."

"If you call it whining one more time, I'm not gonna‘ extend the offer," I warn him. "I was merely

pointingoutthechallengesandannoyancesthatcomewithdoingrealbusiness.Ishouldhaveknownthat
goingcleanwasn'tgoingtobeeasy.There'sareasonwhytherearesomanyrepeatoffenders,becauseit's
fuckinghardtostop."

Maxnodsquietly.

"Iknowitwashardforme,"Isay."ItfeltlikeIwaslosingmyself,forgettingwhoIam,givingintothe

willofmyfamily."

"Oh,right,thepoorrichboy,"Maxsnorts."Sorry,Ican'tfeelsorryforyouinthatregard."

"I'm not asking you to," I interject. "I'm just telling you what it did to me. I moved all the way over

acrossthecountrytogetawayfromthem,andwhenthatwasn‘tenough,IstarteddoingsomethingIknew
they‘dreallyobjectto."

"Prettymucheveryfamilywouldobjecttobreakingthelaw,dude,"Maxaddsforconsideration."Even

mine."

"True,"Isay."Butwithmine,Iactuallyendedupasanoutcast.Ifitwasn'tformydamnbrother,I'd

stillbeinprisonjustbecauseI'msofuckingstubborn."

Maxregardsmewithaglancefromtheside.Ihatethewayhe'slookingatmerightnow.Itremindsme

of the way I was looking at my brother just a few months ago. The tamed boy who finally came to his
senses.Isworenevertobelikethat,andnowIfindmyselfwantingjustthat.

With my job, that is. It's a stretch to say that I have changed recently, because I'm already running a

fairlysuccessfulbusinesswithoutbreakinganylaws.Thefactthatmyclientsfuckupandgetcaughtdoing
so,andthentrytodragusthroughthemudwiththem,isadifferentissue.IknowIneedtostrengthenour
legaldepartment,andIknowMaxwon'tbeofmuchhelpinthatarea.

Butheknowshisstuff.Hecancodeandhecanhacklikenoother.Plus,heknowshowthemindofa

criminalworks,becausehe'sonehimself.Havinghimonboardcouldbeusefulinmanyways,andIknow
Icanpayhimsufficiently.I'vealreadytoldhimanumberthatmadehiseyebrowsdartupinappreciation.

Hejustneedstogetoverhisego,justlikeIdid.

Wecouldbejustasgreattogetherinbroaddaylightaswewereintheshadows.

"Letmethinkaboutit,"Maxsays,nodding."I'llheadbacktomorrowandthinkaboutit.IfIsayyesto

this,thereareafewthingsIneedtomovearoundbackhomeand-"

"Iunderstand,"Isay."That'sallI'maskingforrightnow.Foryoutothinkaboutit."

Ipause,fixatingonhimwithanintensegazebeforeIcontinue.

"Butremember,"Isay."Ifyouhoponboard,yougotta‘besuretocleanupafteryourself.Don'tleave

anytraces,don'tbringanyofthatcrackingbusinessovertomycompany."

MaxgrowlsareplythatItakeforayes.Wespentafewmomentsinsilence,sippingonourbeersand

lazilyscanningthebar.It'scrowdedtonight.Theusualclienteleisgatheringaroundthescatteredtables
and the only pool table, where two guys about my age are trying to impress a bunch of girls with their
non-existentpoolskills.

"Seemstomethatyouhavesomeclearingtodoyourself,"Maxmumblesnexttome.

Ithrowhimaquizzicallook.

"Thatgirl,"hesays."She'sstillinyourhead,isn'tshe?"

Inarrowmyeyes,defiantlyshakingmyhead."Don'tknowwhatyou'retalkingabout."

"Theentireeveningwe'vebeensittinghere,youhaven'tturnedyourheadoncetocheckouttonight's

menu,"hespellsout,gesturingtowardtheroombymovinghisarminawidecircle.

"Imean,thesemaynotbethekindofchicksyoupickupatyourcluboutings,"headds."ButIknow

you.Youwerealwaysonthelookoutforsomenewpussy.You'dfindsomeoneworthyofyourtime,no
matterwhereyouwere.Andletsfaceit,there'ssomefinebabesgracingthislocationtonight."

He's right. The girls who are here for a cheap drink tonight aren't that bad, and some of them are

downrightgorgeous,flauntingtheirlusciousbodiesinrevealingoutfitsthatleavelittletotheimagination.

He'salsorightaboutthefactthatIhaven'tnoticedanyofthemuntiljustnow,whenhepointedthemout

tome.

"I'veneverseenyoulikethis,"Maxadds."Sittinginabarfullofprettygirlsandnotscanningaround

toassesswhichoneofthemtotakehome.Coulditbethatyou'restillhunguponthatlittledancer?"

Ipressmylipstogether."Idon'tgethungupongirls."

Maxlaughs."Youalsodon'tdocleanandlegitbusiness,remember?Thingschange,man."

"Notinthisregard,"Iinsist."I'mnotlikemybrother.Hemayhavefallenintothattrap,butIwon'tletit

happentome."

"Man,youwereright,"Maxmuses."Youarefuckingstubborn."

"Ithasnothingtodowith-"

"Yeah,itdoes,"Maxinterruptsme."Youknow,whenIshowedupthatnightandIsawyouwiththat

girl,Iinstantlyregrettedshowinguplikethat,atthatmoment,thatevening."

Isnort."Ofcourseyoudid,noonelikesacock-block."

Maxfixatesonmewithhiseyes.

"It'smorethanthat,"hesays."Shecalledyoubyyourname,man."

"So?"Iask,shruggingmyshoulders.

"Andthewayshesaidit,"Maxadds."Stressingeverysyllableasifsheknewexactlywhatshewas

doing."

"Again.So?"Ipress.

"Idon'tknow,man,"Maxsays,chuckling."Somethingjusttellsmeyouain'tdonewiththatgirl.And

sheain'tdonewithyou,either."

Isaynothinginresponsetohisassumptions.Itfeelsidiotictodenyhiswords,butitwouldbeeven

morepathetictoadmitthathe'sright.

"Wanna‘hearmyopinion?"Maxasks.

Ishakemyhead."Tobehonest,no."

"Well, you're gonna‘ hear it anyway," Max continues, ignoring my interjection. "You should go after

that,afterher.Iwould.Shitlikethatdoesn'thappeneveryday."

"Shitlikethat?"Iwanttoknow.

Heclearshisthroat,twirlinghishandasifhewastryingtolurethewordsoutofthinair.

"Youknow,"hegrowlsinahuskyvoice."Fallinginlove."

ChapterXXXII

Sara

SundaysarethebestdaystogetagoodworkoutinbecauseIusuallyhavethestudioalltomyself.It's

theonedayoftheweekwhenmostoftheothergirlswhobookthestudiofortheirprivatetrainingtakea
dayoff.

Ihatetakingdaysoff,andIloveworkingwheneverybodyelseisnot.Mystudioisontheuppermost

floor of a high-rise building, with windows all around, allowing for the daylight to light up the entire
roomall day. Thereare two wallsthat are completely coveredwith mirrors, allowingme to watch my
posture while I'm going through the different poses. The reflection from the mirror also gives the
impression that the room is much bigger than it really is. There are barres going all around, and my
favoriteplacetoworkonpositionsisthefree-standingbarreclosetooneofthewindows.Icanseethe
citybelowwhilegoingthroughmypositionsandstretching.

It'snoonwhenIenterthestudio,andthesunisbeamingthroughtheroom,almostblindingmewithits

intensity.IshieldmyeyesasIclosethedoorbehindme,droppingmybagonthefloorbeforeapproaching
thewindowtocloseatleastsomeoftheblinds.

It's chilly in here, as it always is, because of the air conditioning. But the sun is providing a gentle

touchofwarmth,whichiswhyIdecidetoleavesomeoftheblindsopenandchangeintomypointeshoes
while sitting in a sunbeam on the floor. I have turned on the ancient CD player and let some soft piano
musicplayinthebackgroundasIstretchmylegsandfeetbeforeputtingonmyshoes.Ihavedonethisso
manytimesthatthewholeprocesshasbecomeroutinetome.Preparingmyfeetandlegs,sewingmyshoes
andputtingthemonafterI'mdonestretching,listeningtomusic,allofthisisalmostlikeameditationto
getmybodyandmindintune.

My mind wanders as I stretch on the floor, calmly following the same motions that I have done

thousandsandthousandoftimesbefore.Idon'tknowifshe'sfullyawareofit,butOliviagavemethekick
intheassthatIneededtogetbacktobeingmyself.Isignedupfortwocastingcallsatsmallercompanies,
andpostedanoticethatIwasavailabletoteachprivatelessons.Givingpriceyprivatelessonstoyoung
kidsjuststartingoutwithballet,orpreparingforanauditionatAnaheim,isaprettytypicalsidejobfora
lotofusduringtheoff-season.It'snotthemostinterestingjob,butitcertainlybeatshavingtopart-time
anywhere outside the industry. Besides, teaching experience can come in handy once my career as a
dancerisover,andIideallybecomeaninstructoratoneofthebigcompanies.

I'mbackinthegame,myspiritliftedanddivertedfromtheholethatwasleftbylosingLux.

However,Istillmisshim.IhavecometotermswiththefactthatIwillmisshimforquiteawhile.No

matter what I wanted to tell myself, he was special. It was more than the insanely good sex that was
special about him. It was thanks to him that I re-evaluated my life and the choices I needed to make to
succeed.WhetherIwillreallyfollowuponhisadviceandchangecompaniesisstillnotdecided,butat
leastI’mpursuingacuriositythathasn'tbeentherebefore.Iwanttoexplorewhatelsecouldbeoutthere.

IonlywishIcouldexploreitwithhimatmyside.

Again,IshakemyheadasItrytoshakeoffmysomberthoughtsasIputonmypointeshoes.Igetback

onmyfeet,holdingontothebarrewhilestaringoutthewindow,slowlymovingfromonepositiontothe
next,repeatingameditativesequencethatispartofmyeverydayroutine.Eventhoughtheexerciseslook
easyandmylimbsappearaslightasairastheymovealong,Ibreakasweatafteronlyafewminutes.My
muscleswarmupstepbystep,andIbeginstretchingthemevenmorewiththehelpofthebarre.Ialways
listentothesameCDwhiledoingthesefirstfewminutesofstretching,causingmymotionstomovealong
tothemusic,followingafamiliarbeatasImovefurtherintomypracticeroutine.

I'msodeepinthoughtthatIdon'thearthedoorbehindmeopen.Idon'thearhissteps,andIdon'tnotice

hispresenceuntilhe'sstandingalmostrightbehindme.

"AmIinterrupting?"hisstrongandconfidentvoicebreaksthroughmyfocus.

Igaspinsurprise,instinctivelyjumpingawayfromthesourceofthevoice,eventhoughIrecognizehim

immediately.

"Lux!"Iexclaim,holdingmyhanduptomyracingheartinaprotectivegesture."Whatareyoudoing

here?Howdidyougetinhere?Whotoldyou-?"

"Somanyquestionsagain!"hecutsmeoff,laughingandshakinghisheadwithamusement.

He'sdressedcasuallytoday,sportingablackcashmeresweaterandmatchingdarkjeans,bothofwhich

are probably still more expensive than any item of clothing I've ever owned. His hair is kind of messy
today,whichI'msureisbecauseofthestrongwindoutside.Itlooksendearinganddoesn'tmakehimlook
anylessattractive;ifanything,quitetheopposite.

I,ontheotherhand,lookcompletelylackingnexttohim,dressedinmyblackleotardandwhitetights,

toppedwithaloosegraysweaterandblacklegwarmerstoguardagainstthechillinhere.Idon'twantmy
musclestocooldowntoomuch.Myhairistiedupinabun,andIhaveonminimalmake-up.

Thenagain,Ididn'texpecttoseehimoranyoneelseforthatmatter.

"Howdidyougetinhere?"Irepeat.Thedoorwasn'tlocked,soit'snobigmysteryhowhecouldgetin

here,buthowdidherknowwheretofindme?

"Itriedtofindyouathome,"hesays."Butonlymetyourroommate,andshetoldmeIcouldfindyou

here."

Ifrownathim.Ofcourse,Oliviawouldsendhimmyway.Forwhateverreason,she'salwaysbeenon

hisside,whichcanonlybeascribedtothefactthatIhaven'ttoldhereverythingthereistoknowabout
Lux.

"Whyareyouhere?"Irepeatanotherquestion.

"I'mherebecauseIwantedtotalktoyou,"hesays.

"Youcouldhavejustcalled,"Isay.

"And you wouldn't have picked up," he says, assuming correctly. I'm pretty good at blocking people

frommylifeonceI'mdonewiththem,andI'mprettysureIwouldhaveignoredhiscalls,thinkingitwas
thesmartestthingtodo.

Itprobablywouldhavebeen.

"Talkaboutwhat?"Iask,stillholdingontothebarre,asifIwasjustabouttoresumemytraining.

Heclearshisthroat,scanningthestudioforamomentbeforeheturnsbacktome.

"Couldwegosomewhere?"heasks."Haveacoffeeorsomething?"

"No,"Isay,tighteningmygriparoundthebarre."I'minthemiddleofpractice,asyoucansee."

HiseyesfollowmineasInodtowardthebarre,andhesmiles.

"Okay,"hesays."We'lldoitherethen."

"Dowhathere?"Iwanttoknow.

"Talk,"hesays."Orrather,I'lltalkandyou'lllisten."

Hehasthistoneagain,thetonethatwouldcommandmetomyknees,thesametonethatwouldremove

myusualinhibitionsandhelpmefindpleasureindoingwhateverhewants.Iswallowhard,tryingnotto
losemyselfasIlookupathim.

"Okay?"Isay."I'mlistening."

"I'mherebecauseIwantyouback,"Luxsays.

"Back,"Irepeat."Backforwhat?"

Hiseyesnarrowforamoment,annoyedatmyinterjection.

"I want to keep seeing you," he clarifies. "And I'm willing to become the man you need me to be in

ordertomakethatpossible."

Isigh."Whatdoesthatevenmean?"

"It means that what I was about to do with my buddy, Max, is not going to happen," he says. "I was

about to join his new cracking operation, and - as you correctly pointed out – risk landing behind bars
again.Idon'twantthat.Iwantyou."

Myeyesfixateonhis,tryingtofigureoutthetruthbehindhiswords.

"HowcanItrustyou?"Iask."You'veliedbefore,sowhyshouldIbelieveyounow?"

Hepauses,reciprocatingmygazewithadeterminedexpression.

"Becausethingsaredifferentnow,"hesays."Irealizedsomething,anditchangeseverything."

"Whatdidyourealize?"Iask.

Hehuffs."Nowyou'rejustfishingforcompliments,aren'tyou?"

IblushasIunderstandthemeaningbehindhiswords.

"Well,sowhatifIam?"Iteasehim."Ifyouhavesomethingnicetosayaboutme,whyhesitatesaying

it?"

Henods,ahandsomesmilegracinghisface.

"You'reright,"hesays,approachingme.

He places his hand on my cheek, and despite my determination to be strong and not make things too

easyforhim,Iletithappen,obedientlytiltingmyheadbackasmyeyessearchforhis.

Hisanswermaynotbeaverbalone,butit'scrystalclearnonetheless,asheleansforwardandhislips

meetmineinasensualkiss.

ChapterXXXIII

Lux

She looks stunning in her cute tights and body suit, tightly hugging her slim and athletic body as she

stretchesherlonglimbsonthebarre.She'sonhertoesalot,stretchingherlithelegsevenlongerwhile
herthinarmsglidethroughtheair,lookinglimberandelegant.Hermovementslooksoeffortless,butthe
subtletremblingofhermusclesandthevisibletensiononherfacerevealtheeffortittakesforhertomake
itlooklikethis.

She'ssoimmersedinherpractice,hereyesclosedmostofthetime,thatshedoesn'tnoticemeentering

theroom.Shealsodoesn'tnoticemestandingnexttothedoor,watchingherforafewminutesbeforeI
approachherandmakemyselfknown.

I know that nothing is said and done, but finally feeling her lips pressed against mine again feels so

rightthatIdon'twanttobelieveshe'lleverrunawayagain.

Max may have been right. No other girl has caught my interest since I met Sara. No other girl ever

made me doubt my convictions and consider changing. It was one thing to attempt to do the right thing
aftermybrotherbailedmeoutofprisonandleftmewithaharshwarning,butnowIwanttochangefor
differentreasons.Iwantitofmyownvolition,justlikeIwanther.

Ishouldhaverealizeditonmyown.I'veneverbeenthisenthralledwithagirl,somuchso,thatshe

stealsmyattentionawayfromalltheothers.Sarahasonlygivenmepeeksatpartsofwhosheisandwho
she can be with me, but everything I've seen so far has only made me want more from her. She has
bewitchedmewithherextraordinarylooks,herfairy-likedancing,heroddsteelblueeyes,heronyxhair,
andherastonishingstrength,bothphysicalandmental.

Ourkissislongandgreedy,anindicationofthetimewespentapart.I'dbeafoolnottoadmitthatI've

missedthisgirl.

My hands wander around her slender body, tracing along her sides down to her firm ass, cupping it

withbothhandswhileshemoansagainstmylips.

"Imissedyou,"shebreathesbetweenourkiss,pressingherdaintybodyagainstmine,squirmingwith

need.

Iamhardinaninstant,mycockpushingagainstitsfabriccage.Ididn'tknowwhattoexpectwhenI

cameuphere.Herroommatetoldmeexactlyhowtogethere,andsheevensharedthecodeforthedoor
downstairs. I was only a little surprised that she would trust me, a complete stranger, with such
information,butthenagain,IknowthatIhaveawaywithwomen.They'reeasyforme,andIknowwhat
buttonstopushtogaintheirtrust.

UntilImetSara.Shedidn'tflytomelikeamothtoaflame.Well,shefelldrunkenlyintomyarms,butI

can'thelpbutwonderhowthingswouldhaveturnedoutforusifshehadn'tbeenstupidlydrunkthefirst
nightImether.

Saraisstrong-willedandambitious.Ihadtobepreparedforhertoslamthedoorinmyface,yellingat

meandonceagainemphasizingthatshewouldneverwanttoseemeagain,notevengivingmeachanceto
provemyself.Allthatcouldhavehappened.Idon'tknowhowIwouldhavehandledarejectionasstrong
asthat.

Butnowshe'sreciprocatingmykiss,meltingintomyhandsasIkneadherperkyass.Ididn'tplanfor

anythingtohappen,butI'malwaysprepared,mymindalwaysalertandopenfornewideas.Seeingher
stretching like that in this studio made my creative mind work in overdrive. I need to have her. Here.
Now.

I intensify the grip on her, pressing her lower body against mine so she can feel the hardness she's

caused.Sheletsoutasighassherubsherselfagainstme,eagerlyinvitingmeinformore.

"YouknowIneedtofuckyounow,"Iwhisper,breakingourkisstomakeherunderstand.

Shelooksupatme,herclearblueeyesalertandflickeringwithanticipation.

"Here?"sheasks,herlowerliptrembling.

"Yes,here,"Isay,nodding."Youweretheonewhodidn'twanttogoanywhereelse."

Aflickerofinsecuritydashesacrossherfaceashereyesdarttothedoor.

"Areyouexpectingsomeone?"Iwanttoknow.

Sheshakesherhead."No,but-"

Icutheroffwithanotherkiss,myhandsworkingtheirwayupherslimframe,tracingalongthedeep

outline of her low-cut leotard. She's not wearing a bra underneath, leaving her small chest completely
nakedwhenIremovehersweaterandslowlypullthebodysuitdownoverhershoulders.

Hernipplesarestandingerect,anoutcomeofboththecoolairhittingthemandherarousal.

Shethrowsherheadback,groaningwithlustwhenIleanforward,plantingkissesalongherneckline

asItravelfurtherdown,followinghercollarboneandrevelinginherdelightwhenImovedowntoher
heaving chest. A hungry sigh escapes her lips when I take her left nipple between my teeth, carefully
gnawingonitatfirst,teasingherintooblivion,beforetorturingherwithaneedybite.

She shrieks in pain, panting desperately when I let go of her. Her entire body is shivering now,

preparing for the same thing to happen on her right nipple. I don't plan to disappoint her, and languidly
wander over to the other side, circling around her pebbled nipple with my tongue, taking my time and
tormentingherwithapromiseforsomethingthathasyettohappen.Shefearsandyearnsforitatthesame
time,visiblyconfusedatherownfeelings.Iknowit'sthisexactdanceoffrightandlustthatmakesanache
likethissoenticing.

WhenIfinallydobiteher,shegroansinsuchecstasythatshehastoholdontothebarrebehindhernot

tofallover.

"Goodgirl,"Ipraiseher,whileshe'sstillprocessingtheaftermathofthepainIinflected.

ShewhimperswithdesperatelongingwhenIlowerthebodysuitfurther,leavingheronlyintightsand

thethicklegwarmersshewearsaroundhercalves.

Istraightenbackup,myrighthanddeliberatelytravelingbetweenherlegs,rubbingoverherlips,the

fabricstillbetweenusbutnoticeablywet.Sheshiversinresponsetomytouch,leaningintomyhandand

beggingformore,butI'mnotwillingtoletherhaveityet.

"Getdownonyourknees,"Iwhisper."Now."

Shelooksupatme,hereyesflickeringwithdefiance.ButunlikethefirsttimeIaskedherdownonher

knees,she'swillingtoobeytoday.Sheslowlysinksdowntothefloor,hereyesneverleavingmine,until
she sits on her heels, her hands placed on top of her thighs, her eyes up on me, waiting for further
instructions.

"Getmycockout,"Ivoicemynextcommand.

Hergazeisdazedwithlustwhenshefollowsmyorderandbeginstounbuttonmyjeans,caressingmy

hardness through the fabric before she finally frees me. My hard length springs free, almost hitting her
againstthenose,whichsherespondstowithacutelittlegiggle.It'ssodamnalluring,Ialmostbenddown
tokissher,butIcan'tbreakcharacternow.

Shelooksupatme,pausingandwaitingforpermissiontogofurther,justlikeagoodgirlshould.

"Suckonit,"Itellher.

Her eyes beam with glee, making my words feel less like an order and more like a treat when she

wrapshersmallhandsaroundme.Theylookeventinierincomparisontomylengthandshecanbarely
wrapthemaroundmygirth.Ihavetorestrainmyselffromnotshovingmyentirecockallthewaytothe
backofherthroatinonebrutemotionwhenshefinallywrapsherpoutylipsaroundme.

Sheteasesthetip,lickingarounditandpressinghertongueagainstthelowersideoftheshaft,circling

aroundthemostsensitivespot.Igroan,pushingmyhipsforwardandplacingmyhandatthebackofher
head.Thisgirlknowshowtoworkacock.HowcouldInotaskhertodothisbefore?She'samazing.

"Fuck,Sara,"Ibreathe,realizingthatthismighthavebeenthefirsttimeIevermentionedagirl'sname

whileplayingwithher.

Shesmiles,thetipofmycockstillbetweenherlips.Myhandtensesaroundthebackofherhead,asI

exertagentlepush,forcingmyselfdeeperinsidehermouth.

Sheholdsontomylegs,takingadeepbreathbeforeleaningforward,swallowingmycockalmostall

theway,untilherlipsarebarelytouchingmypelvis.Imoan,watchingherasshestrugglestotakemyfull
girth,gaggingandchokingonituntilIpullherback,allowinghertocatchherbreathforonlyamoment
beforeIpushmyselfbackin,relishingtheviewofher,thesoundsshe'smaking,thefeelingofthetipofmy
cockpressingagainstthebackofherthroat.

Iletherchokeforamoment,waitinguntilsheletsoutasuffocatedcoughbeforeIpullherback.Saliva

is dropping to the floor as Sara gasps for air, casting me a cheeky grin that's asking for more. She's
enjoyingthisasmuchasIam.WhenIdrivemyselfbackintoherthroat,shemoanswithpassion,moving
almost on her own as she goes back and forth, gagging, choking, and coughing, while her eyes begin to
tear,thesaltywatermixingwiththesalivaasitrunsdownhercheek.

Shewantstokeepgoing,butIstopher,grabbinghertied-uphairasgoodasIcantoholdherbackand

bending down to her, while forcing her head back into her neck. Her teary eyes meet mine, asking for
more.

"You'resuchagoodgirl,"Ipraiseheragain."NowgetbackupsoIcanproperlyfuckyou."

ChapterXXXIV

Sara

MystanceisunstablewhenIfollowhisdirectionandgetbackuponmyfeet,waveringalmostasmuch

asImusthavedonethefirstnightweweretogether.

The barre is my support, and when I hold on to it, I can see his eyes following my gesture, a

mischievousideahidingbehindhisgaze.

Hetakesmebytheshoulders,andbeforeIknowit,hehasmeturnedaround,facingtheopenwindow

asIholdontothebarre,feelinghishandstravelingdownmyback.

"Spreadyourlegs,"hehumsrightnexttomyear,hishandscuppingmyass.

I obey, stepping apart and creating leeway for him to intrude between my legs. A voracious moan

departsmylipswhenhecaressesmysexoverthedampenedfabricofmytights.

"Whatagoodlittlegirlyouare,"hewhispersfrombehind."Sowetandreadyformealready."

Ibitebackasassyremarktohiswordsandhollowmyback,hopingthatitwillegghimonenoughto

stop the teasing and give me what I want. But Lux wouldn't be himself if he was that easy to taunt.
However, my posture does evoke a reaction from him that I didn't expect. Instead of pulling my tights
down,heripsthemapartinonesuddenmove,creatinganopeningrightwhereheneedsit.I'msostunned
by his actions that I can't get myself to react, even when he repeats the same move with my panties
underneath.

It's so wrong, so filthy. I'm standing at the barre, my eyes glued to the same view I enjoy while

stretching, holding on to the most crucial equipment of my professional life, with my throbbing core
exposedanddrippingwithdesire.

Andthenheasksmetogetonpointe.

"Getuponyourtoes,"hesays."Likeyoudidbefore.Ineedyourtinyasstobehigher."

Iblush,butdoasheasks.BeingonpointeisnotasdrainingandpainfulasitusedtobewhenIfirst

starteddancing,butitisstillachallengeformyfeetandlegs.Iholdontothebarre,processingtheweird
sensationofbeinginaprofessionalstancelikethis,whilemysexispulsatingwithneedandfeelingthe
coolairofthestudio.

"Beautiful,"heassessesfrombehind,rippingmytightsfurthersothatmyassisjustasexposedasmy

entrance.Icanfeelhishandswanderingcloser,spreadingmyasscheeksandprovokingmetofollowhis
motions by hollowing my back. He lets go with one hand, his fingers playfully dancing across my
sensitiveskinashemovebetweenmylips,spreadingthemapartwithtwofingerswhileanotherglidesin
between.Aslicksoundrevealstheextentofmyexcitement.I'mtoofireduptofeelembarrassedaboutit,
and rather relish the bliss his touch causes when he begins to circle around my swollen nub, sending
shockwavesofthrillcoursingthroughmyentirebody.

I need him so desperately, and he only fuels this demand by adding another finger and letting it slip

insideme,bendingittofindmysweetspotandpressingagainstitwhilestillworkingmyclit.Heknows
exactlywhathe'sdoing,andIdoubthe'dmindifIcameonhisfingersrightnow,butIdon'twanttofind
myreleasebeforeI'vefelthiminsideofme.

"Please,"Ibeg."Fuckme."

Hisreplyisnothingbutachuckle."Hungrylittleslut,soimpatient."

I sigh in response, dizzy with arousal and clinging to the barre. He continues to tease me, drawing

circlesaroundmymostsensitivespot,whileIfighttoholdmybalance.

"One leg up," his next command follows, accompanied by another finger between my legs once I

followhisorder,liftingmyrightlegandplacingitonthebarreforsupport.Icouldliftitmuchhigher,but
aslongashe'snotaskingforasidearabesque,Iwon'triskmypleasureforthiswaymoredifficultpose.

Heseemspleased,hummingwithapprovalasIstretchbeforehimwhilehecontinuestofingerme.I'm

goingtocomeifhedoesn'tstopthis.IwonderifIshould,I'msoclosealready,andthisisborderingon
torture.

Butthenheretractshishand,leavingmewithahungryshiverasthecoolairchillsmyhotandempty

center.Iwanthimthere,Ineedhimthere.

"Please,"Iwhimper,closingmyeyesinshame.Myleftlegisshaking,makingmypointeunsteadyand

thusdangerousformyankle.Thereminderofmydelicatephysiquealmostpullsmeoutofmydazedbliss.
Ican'triskmyankle'shealthforthis,butjustasIcontemplategoingdownonmyheel,hegrabsmebymy
upper thighs, supporting my stance and gently lifting me up, easing the pressure on my left foot. He's
carryingmostofmyweightasheboostsmyhipbackandup,teasingmywetfoldwiththetipofhiscock.

I accompany his invasion with a hearty groan, taking his impressive size inch by inch, as he shoves

himselfinsideinoneslowandconsiderablethrust.

"Yes,"Ihissthroughgrittedteeth."Yes,yes,yes."

HegroansbehindmeasItightenaroundhim,freezinginpositionwhileIaccommodatehisenormous

cockinsideofme.Ican'thelpbutcirclemyhipsaroundhimeversoslightly,relishinginthefeelingashe
stretches me like no one has ever done before. He supports my motions by guiding my hips, carrying
almostmyentireweightandliftingmetotheextentthatmyleftfootevenlosescontactwiththefloorfora
moment.It'samuchneededreleaseonmyankle,makingmefeelsecurewithhim.Assexyasitistohim,
heseemstounderstandthestressthatbeingonpointelikethisputsonmyfoot,andhemakessurethatI
don'thurtmyselfbycomplyingtohiswishes.

I open my eyes, watching the sunlit city below as he begins to fuck me, driving back and forth with

deepanddeliberatethrusts.Myvisionisblurred,ashismotionsincreaseinspeedandvigor,causingmy
entirebodytorocktohisrhythm.Hispelvisclashesagainstthebarefleshofmyass,thesoundmixing
withthesolemnmusicthatisstillplayinginthebackground.

Hehascreatedtheperfectpicture,theperfectscenariotoshowmewhathe'scapableof,toprovidethe

trustthatIneed.It'stheperfectmixoftantalizingpleasurewithatasteofdangerandthesecurityneeded
formetolosemyself.

Hisrhythmissteady,neitherfastnorslow,butjusttheidealpulsationtoevokemyclimaxinslowbut

exhilaratingwaves.Idon‘teruptinanexplosiverapture,butridethewavesofmyreleaseinagradual
adagio,slow,long,andsoimbuingthatIfeelclosetoblackingout.

I'mstillinthemidstofunbridledjoywhenIcanfeelhimpulsatinginsideme,climaxingwiththesame

steadyintensitythatrobbedmeofmysenses.

ChapterXXXV

Lux

I can't help it. The fact that my cum is dripping out of her as she still stands with her leg up on the

barre,tremblingwithsatisfactionasIwithdrawmyselffromherdrizzlingpussy,issofuckinghotthatit
onlymakesmewanthermore,despitethetemporarypost-coitalcontentthat'stakenholdofmejustnow.

She slowly lowers back down onto her foot, moving her other leg down from the barre and turning

aroundtome,hercheeksglowingwithheatandherblueeyesfullofthatdelicioussparkleonlyagood
fuckcanleaveinagirl'sexpression.

"Thatwas...,"shewhispers,hesitatingaswordsfailher.

"Itwas,"Iagree,pullingherinforakiss.I'mstillrock-hard,pressingmyselfagainsthersmallbodyas

Iclaimherwithanotherkiss.

She'snotgoinganywhere,I'llmakesureofthatthistime.She'smine.Ineedmoreofher,somuchmore.

Ibreakourkiss,findingherlookingatmewithanexpressionthatishardtoread.Adreamysmileis

gracingherprettyface,hermindrattlingasIknowshe'stryingtokeepherselffromsayingthewordsthat
aresoclearlywrittenonherface.

"Youdidwell,"shesaysinstead,causingmetochuckleandtiltmyheadtothesideasIregardherwith

aquizzicallook.

"Ididwell?"Iask,mockingthetoneofhervoice.

Shegiggles,shakingherheadatherawkwardremark.

"I'msorry,Ididn'tmeanitlikethat,I...,"sheutters,stumblingoverherwords."Imean,thewayyou

heldme,watchedoutforme.You...tookcareofmewhenIneededyouto."

IassumeshemeansthewayIheldherwhilefuckingherfrombehind.

"I'mnofuckingidiot,"Itellher."Standinglikethatmustbestrenuous."

Iliftmyhand,strokingalongherglowingcheekwiththetipofmyfinger.

"Iliketochallengeyou,"Isay."ButIdon'twantthestresstotakeawayfromyourpleasure."

"You're perfect," she replies, biting her lip and lowering her eyes, as if there was anything to regret

aboutherchoiceofwords.

"I'mnot,"Iobject."ButIwouldliketobe,foryou."

Sheraiseshereyes,findingmineasshecontemplatestheimplicationsofwhatjusthappened.

"It'snotgoingtobetoomuchforyou?"sheasks."Beingcautious,allthetime?"

Ishakemyhead.

"Idon'tfindpleasureindestruction,Sara,"Itellher."Ifindpleasureinbeingwithyou."

Shesmirksatme."Ididn'tknowyoucouldbesuchacharmer."

Ismile,placingakissonherforehead.

"Ihavemanysidestomypersonality,"Ideclare."Justgivemeachancetoshowyou.Allofthem."

EpilogI

Lux

~tenmonthslater~

"You'relate,"IbarkatKingston,ashehurriesthroughtheentrance,followedbyareservedbrunette.

"Idon'thavecontroloverthiscity'sinsanetraffic,"hesays,shrugginghisshouldersinanit-can't-be-

helpedmanner.

"We'rereallysorry,"thegirlnexttohimadds,castingmeanapologeticlook.

"Lux,thisisElodie,"Kingstonsays,introducingustoeachother."Thegirlwhomanagedtoreelme

in."

Hewinksather,andshenudgeshimintheside.

"Youcanonlyblameyourself,"shesays,smilingathimwithlovingeyes."Ineversetthetrapforyou."

Ishakeherhand,smilingatherpolitelyasI'monceagainremindedhowsimilarmybrother'sandmy

taste is when it comes to women. Elodie is not a pint-sized doll like my Sara, but her features bear a
certainresemblancetoher.She'sjustasfair-skinned,herhairfallingdowninthick,brownwavesover
hershouldersinasimilarwaytoSara'sblackcurlsdowhenshefixesitup.She'salsoanartist,albeitina
differentfieldthanSara.Oddlyenough,shecouldprobablyaccompanySara'sdancewithherpianoskills.

"Nicetofinallymeetyou,"Isay."I'veheardquitealotaboutyou."

Sheblushes,castingKingstonahurriedlookbeforeturningbacktome.

"Ihavetoadmit,Ihaven'theardallthatmuchaboutyou,"shesays."ButI'mhappytomeetyou,too."

Iraiseaneyebrowatmybrother.

"I'mnotsurprised,"Isay."Youmarriedthebetteroneofus."

Kingstonwinksatme."Iagree."

"This is a beautiful venue," Elodie comments as she looks around. "I really like the decor and their

program.It'ssounique."

Inod.She'sright,uniqueistheperfectwordtodescribethiscompany.Sarapickeditcarefullyafter

receivingnotone,butthree,offersbasedonthecastingcallssheattended.Iwassurprisedwhenshefirst
toldmethatshewantedtocasthernetwideandlooktoseewhatelsemightbeoutthereforher,andfora
while, it didn't really look as if she was serious about it. She was reluctant, scared of rejection, and
haunted by the idea of giving up on Anaheim too soon. But even her modest search introduced her to a
newworldofcompanieswithunusualprogramsandnewpiecesthatshe'sneverdancedtobefore.Justas
IgrewintomychallengeasaCEOofalegitstart-up,shegainedafreshcuriosityforsomethingnoveland
innovative.

Thefactthatsheeventuallydecidedonthiscompanywasmainlyaresultofthatthirstforsomething

completelydifferent,anewenvironmentandauniqueballetthatwasunlikeherpriorexperiences.

"Itreallyisanexceptionalballet,"IsaytoElodie.

"Yeah," Kingston chimes in, scanning our surroundings. "It does have a special vibe. Very different

fromtheplacesourparentstookustowhenwewerechildren."

Igrimaceatthementionofthoseunpleasantmemoriesandcheckthetimeonmywristwatch,inhaling

audiblywhenIrealizehowlateitis.

"Okay,notimeformorepleasantries,"Isay."Wereallygotta‘hurry."

I guide them through the lobby and inside the crowded auditorium. The venue has been sold out for

weeks,andtheonlythreeseatsstillavailablearetheonesreservedforus.Firstrow,rightinthecenter,
asalways.

My heart is racing with excitement when the lights are dimmed immediately after we sink into our

seats,mybrotherandhiswifesittingnexttome,andabouttowitnessthebrillianceofSara'sdance.They
arethefirstofthefamilytomeether.I'vebeenputtingaget-togetherwithmyfamilyoffforaslongasI
could. My relationship with them is strained enough, and I did not want to subject Sara to an
uncomfortablesituationunlessIwassurethatsheandIwerereadyforit.

Thisisahugestepforme.It'snosurprisethatIfeelsicktomystomach,notbecauseIworrythatthey

won'tlikeher,orthatSarawon'tgetalongwiththem,butbecauseIunderstandtheheavyweightimplied
bytakingthisstep.Ialwaystoldmyselfthat,ifandwhenIwasreadytointroducehertothem,itwould
meanthatthisisit.Itwouldmeanthatshehastobecomemorethanmygirlfriend.

Iamonlyonebigstepawayfrommakingthisforever.

The curtain opens, revealing the star of the show, one of the very few principal dancers at this

company.Saraisstandinginpose,atthecenterofthestage,thespotlighthittingonlyherastheaudience
goesstock-stillinadmiration.

My chest tightens and I'm about to burst with pride when the music begins, and my girl begins her

dance,slowlymovingheroutstretchedarminaflowingcircle,herbeautifulfacebathinginblazinglight
ashereyesfollowthemotionsofherhand.Thisisjustthepreludetotheshow,anintroductiontothemain
character,thegirlaroundwhomtheentirestoryrevolves.

Andshe'smine.

Iwatchhereverymovement,myeyesalternatingbetweenherskilledfeet,herdazzlingface,andher

exquisitelimbsasshefliesacrossthestage,deludingtheaudiencewithherpassionandherimpeccable
talent.

WhenthefirstscenecomestoanendandSarabowsinfrontofus,beforeretreatingbehindanotherset

ofdancersenteringthestage,IturnmyheadtoKingstonnexttome.Hiseyesmeetmineandhegivesme
anapprovingnodasheapplaudsthegirlIamgoingtomarry.

Whentheapplauseebbsaway,hetakesadvantageoftheshort-livedmomentofsilencebeforethenext

songstartstoleanoverandwhispersomethinginmyear.

"Itoldyouso,"hesays."You'llknowwhenithitsyou."

EpilogueII

Sara

"Thatwasnice,"Isay,asLuxescortsmeoutoftherestaurant."Toobadwehadtoleavesoearly."

"Theyhaveanearlyflight,"Luxreplies."They'llbegladtogetsomesleep."

He'sbeenratherwithdrawnallnight,andI'mbeginningtowonderifsomethingwasupbetweenhim

andhisbrother.It'stheirlastnightinLAbeforeKingstonandElodieflybackhometoNewYork.They
spentmorethanaweekwithus,andwhileElodieandIgotalongrightfromthestart,Inoticedthatittook
some time for the brothers to reconnect. Lux has told me that they were never that close and their
relationshiphasnotexactlyimprovedafterKingstonhadtobailhimoutofprisonandlietotheirparents
aboutit.Itwassadtoseehowdistantandcoldtheyweretoeachotherinthebeginning,butthingsvisibly
improvedduringtheweekweallspenttogether.

Tonight was a little different, though. I don't know if it's just his way of dealing with having to say

goodbyetohisbrotherafterjustwarminguptohimagain,butKingstonhasbeenmakingsnippyremarks
atLuxallnight.InoticedElodienudginghimatthesideseveraltimes,smilingapologeticallyatusevery
timeithappened.

Thecariswaitingforusoutsidetherestaurant,andInoticethatLux'shandisshakingasheopensthe

doorformeandbeckonsmetogetinside.

"Iseverythingokay?"Iask,ashetakeshisseatnexttome.

Luxthrowsasurprisedlookatme.

"Yes,sure,"hesays.

"Youseemalittleofftonight,"Isay."AndKingstonwasweird,too,makingallthoseflippantjokesat

yourexpense.Oristhatjusthiswayofsayinggoodbye?"

Luxletsoutanervouslaugh.

"No,that'sjusthiswayofbeingmybrother,"hesays,winkingatme.

"Mmhmm,"Iacknowledge,observinghimwithaskepticallook.

"Itoldyou,it'snoteasybetweenus,"headds."ButyouseemtolikeElodie?"

"Yes, I do. A lot," I say, nodding. "I mean, it's no surprise really. Did you know that she went to

Juilliard?"

Luxshrugs."Kingstonmayhavementionedit."

"That'squiteaprestigiousschool,"Isay."Shemustbereallygood."

"Iguessso,"Luxsaysabsentmindedly.

"Maybe we can visit them in New York some time?" I wonder out loud. "It was so nice of them to

attendmyperformance,IwouldliketoreturnthatgestureandattendoneofElodie'srecitals."

Luxshiftsaround,fidgetinginhisseat.Iknowtheideaofvisitinghisfamilybackhomedoesnotsit

wellwithhim,whichiswhyI'veneverbroughtitupbefore.ButnowthatI'vemethisbrother,Ifeellike
we're halfway there and the possibility of meeting his parents - despite all the bad things he's told me
aboutthem-isfarmorealluringtomethanintroducinghimtomyownfamilywas.Theyvisitedmeafew
monthsagoandinsistedonmeetingLux.Whileitwasnotthemostfunafternoon,Ithinkthemeetingwent
aswellasitcouldhave,consideringhowlittleunderstandingmyparentshaveformy"bohemianLAlife,"
astheycallit.IknowthatmeetingLux'sfamilyisabiggerissue,notonlybecausetheirrelationshipis
strained,butalsobecausethere'ssomanyexpectationstiedtotheirson'sdatinglife.

Iunderstandwhyhe'sbeenputtingitoff,Ireallydo.ButIdon'tknowhowmuchlongerI'mwillingto

waituntilIstartquestioninghisintentionswithme.

We arrive at what has become our mutual home, and Lux hurries to get out of the car before I do,

circlingaroundthecartomysidesohecanopenthedoorforme,agentleman-movethatIhaven'tseen
himdoinawhile.

"Areyousureyou'reokay?"Iaskashehelpsmegetoutofthecar,winkingathim.

Hechuckles."Can'tamanholdontosomeoldschoolmannerswithouthiswomangettingsuspicious?"

Hisvoiceistremblinginanunfamiliarnervousflutter.Somethingisdefinitelyupwithhim.IhopeI

didn'tcausethisstressbyvoicingmywishtomeethisparents.

"I'msorry,"Isay,asweridetheelevatoruptothepenthouse."Ididn'twanttoputanypressureonyou

to-"

"Youdidn't,"hesays,smilingatme."You'reright,weshouldgotoNewYork."

Ireciprocatehissmile."Okay."

The elevator reaches its destination, the uppermost floor, and I notice Lux taking in an extra deep

breath,beforehepunchesinthecodetoopenthedoorsthatopenrightintothepenthouse.Ireallywonder
whatisupwithhimtonight.

Then,justamomentlater,Iunderstand.

The doors open, but instead of revealing our dark and uninhabited living room, they give way to an

ocean of warm candle light. My mouth drops open as I slowly step forward, feeling Lux's hand at the
small of my back as he gently guides me into our home. Our steps are accompanied by the tunes of a
familiarsong,asthestereosystemswitchesonthemomentwewalkinside.It'sthefinalesongofthefirst
actofSwanLake,acalmandpopularAndantethatsetsthetoneforthesombreandromanticsceneofthe
tragiclakethatishometoOdetteandherenchantedgirls.

"Lux,what-?"Ibreathe,cuttingmyselfoffwhenIturnaroundtoseehimkneelingononekneeinfront

ofme.

Helooksupatmewithpleadingeyes.He‘sholdingablackjewelryboxthatheopensintunewiththe

songtorevealaringwithapetitetwistedvinediamond.

Igaspinshock,bringingmyhanduptomymouth.ThisIdidnotexpect.

"IalwayssaidIwouldneverbechainedtoawoman,"hesays,hisotherwisestrongvoicewavering

withtension."AndIneverwillbe,becauseI'mfreerandhappierwithyouatmysidethanI'veeverbeen
before.It'snooverstatementtosaythatyou'vemademeabetterman,Sara."

Hepauses,swallowinghardashepreparestocontinue.

"SeeingyoudanceisthemostbeautifulthingI'veeverwitnessed,"headds."AndallIwanttodoisto

dancetogetherwithyou,atourwedding.SaraCrane,willyoumarryme?"

TearsarequietlystreamingdownmycheeksasIprocessthesuddennessofthisturnofevents.

There was no command, but I sink down on my knees of my own accord, sobbing and nodding, as I

wrapmyarmsaroundthemanwhoIamgoingtospendtherestofmylifewith.

THEEND

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"Happyanniversary,mypet,"hewhisperedasourkissended,holdingmychinupwithtwoofhis

fingers,soIwaslookingathim.Hisdarkeyeswereasunreadableasever,shieldedwithmystery.Yet,I
hadalreadyuncoveredarangeofhiddenpartsofhim-andIknewhewouldletmeinmoreandmore
withtime.

Ismiled."Happyanniversary,master."

"Areyouhappytoseeme?"

Inodded."Yes,sir."

I knew he would check. I knew he would check if I had obeyed his wish. And he did. His hands

wanderedalongmyback,thenmovedtothefront,gentlykneadingmybreaststhroughthefabricofmy
dress.

"Goodgirl,"hewhispered,givingmealittlepeckontheforehead.

Andthenoneofhishandsmovedalong,wanderingdownmybelly,cleverlyreachingunderneathmy

light dress. His fingertips skimmed my inner thighs as he slowly moved upwards. I moaned when he
reached my center, caressing my wet clit with two of his fingers. Even after all that had happened
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Prologue

Kingston

Shetriestoevademytouch,butI'mfasterthanher–andmoreresolute.

There'snodenyingit.Shecanactandpretendallshewants,butIknowthatshewantsmetotouchher.

Everyfiberofherbeingiscallingouttome,beggingmetotakeher.

I have her cornered and am pushing her back against the wall with just the intensity of my sheer

presence,placingmyhandrightnexttoherprettyfaceandthusblockingherescape.We'realone,she'sat
mymercy,andforafewblessedmoments,IcandowhateverIwanttoher,whateverbothofuswantto
happen.

Her green eyes wander up timidly to meet mine. I can see they’re filled with fear – and lust. She's

afraidofherowndesires,becausesheknowsit'swrong.Thisisn'tsupposedtohappen.

Andyetitwill.

"Pleaseletmego,"shepleads,hervoicesosoftthatit'sbarelyaudible.

Hereyefixateonmine,contradictingherwords.

"Iwill,"Ipromise."AfterI'vetastedthoseprettylipsofyours."

HereyeswidenandasombersighescapesherlipswhenItouchthemwithmythumb.

"Please,"shewhispers."Wecan't..."

That'sjustthethingIwanttohear.

Wecan't.

Weshouldn't.

Thisisn'tright.

Ilikeagoodchallenge,andthat'swhyIlikegirlslikeher.Themorethereistoovercome,themoreI

want them. Her weak attempts at fending me off, combined with those pleading eyes, it's making it
impossibleformetoresist.

Sheisthemostforbiddenfruitevertoteaseme.Iwanther,andIalwaysgetwhatIwant.

Herbreastsareheavingunderherheavy,gaspybreathing.She'sclaspinghermusicsheetsagainsther

chestasiftheycanprotectherfromme.

Ileandown,movingmyfaceclosertohers,socloseuntilIcanfeelherbreathonmylips.

"Please,"shepleads.

"Please,what?"Iask,knowingthatshewon'tbeabletoreply.

Myfingerswanderalongherfemininejawline,barelytouchingherskinasItraveldowntoherneck.I

wanttoclosemyhandaroundthatslimneckandchokeher.

Whatwouldshedo?Wouldsheenjoyit?Wouldshefaintfromtheclimaxthatcouldcomewithit?

Mycocktwitchesagainstmyzipperatthethoughtofit.ItwillbeawhileuntilIgettotesther,butthe

waitwillbeworthit.

Butfornow,Ineedtobepatient.She'snotgoingtobeaneasyonetoclaim.

Andshestillhasn'tgivenmeaverbalreply.However,herbiggreeneyestellmeeverythingIneedto

know,asmyfingertipstrailseductivelyalonghercollarbone.

Idon'taskforpermission–Ineverdo–butshe'sgivingittomeanyway.

There'snoprotest.Shedoesn'ttrytofightorstopmewhenIleaninevencloser.Asuffocatedmoanis

allIhearwhenourlipsfinallymeetandmytongueinvadeshermouth.

Shereciprocates,breathingfasterasourtonguesintertwineinawildandhungrydance.Hermoaning

addstothesymphonyofourfirstkiss,andwhenshestartssquirmingtowardsme,Ialmostloseit.

MyhandfindsitswaybehindherbackandasIpullherbodyclosertomine,sheletsgoofthesheets

ofmusic.Theyfloatdowntothefloor,spreadingaroundourfeet,asherhandsflyuptoembraceme.She's
tooshort,butIrealizeherintentions.Shetriestoreachthebackofmyheadandgrabmyhair.

That'snotgoingtohappen.I'mincontrol,andthesoonershelearnsthis,thebetter.

I want to grab her wrists and push them down, but for now, I prefer to feel her dainty body pressed

needilyagainstmine.

ChapterI

Elodie

Thisistheopportunityofalifetime.

For once, Lady Luck has picked me. I still can't believe it, but as I walk out the doors of the main

buildingofJuilliardtocrossoverthebridgetomydorm,therealizationslowlysettlesin.

I got it! I got chosen for one of the best gigs that have been posted since I started applying for paid

performances. Of course, I've played at various occasions before, and been paid before, too, but never
this much. The salary for this job is not only ridiculously high to begin with, but it also comes with a
promiseformoreopportunitieslikeit.

IhavebeenaskedtoplayatanengagementpartybeinghostedbytwooldmoneyfamiliesontheUpper

East Side. If everything goes well and they like my playing, this gig will lead to more – the rehearsal
dinner,theweddingandwhoknowswhatotherassociatedeventsmightneedapianoaccompaniment.

It's perfect. When two spoiled kids get hitched on a scale like this, their families will makes sure

everybodyandtheirbrotherattends.Iwillplayinfrontofhundredsofwealthyguestswhoholdoccasions
like this on a regular basis. Dinner parties, more weddings, birthdays, reunions. If they like the pianist
who performed at the Abrams-Waldorf wedding, it’s the equivalent of a glowing recommendation and
they'relikelygoingtoaskthefamiliesforthepianist‘scontactinformation.

Andthatpianistwouldbeme.

Never in my wildest dreams have I dreamt of performing at such a large-scale event with so much

potential.Afterall,I'mstillastudent,andit'sunusualforstudentstobehiredforaneventlikethis.But
theAbramsfamilyspecificallyrequestedastudent,forwhateverreason.Therearenotthatmanysecond-
yeargraduatestudentsinthepianoprogramatJuilliard,butIwasstilldumbfoundedwhenourinstructor,
Mrs.Bellamy,approachedmewiththeproposal.

"Theyaskedspecificallyforaclassicalrepertoirewithsomecontemporaryinterpretations,"shesaid.

"AndIbelieveyou’rethebestchoice."

Ijuststaredather,sittingonmyhandsandtryingtoprocessthemagnitudeofthewinninglotteryticket

thathadjustbeenhandedtome.

"Whatdotheymeanbycontemporaryinterpretations?"Iaskedher.

Mrs.Bellamyjustshrugged."You'llhavetoaskthemyourselfwhenyoumeetthem."

That was about a week ago, and I'm scheduled to meet up with the family tonight. Mrs. Bellamy let

themknowthatshehadfoundsomeone,andtheyaskedtomeetmewithmeassoonaspossible.I'vebeen
nervous ever since, and subsequently made sure to add a few extra hours to my already full practice
schedule.Myscholarshiponlycoversschooltuition,andsinceI'mnotasprivilegedasmostofmyfellow
students,Ihadtotakeonapart-timejobatoneoftheschool'scaféstocovermylivingexpenses.Having
toworkinadditiontogoingtoschoolanddoinghomeworkcutsdowntremendouslyontheamountoftime
Ihaveavailabletopractice,butthere'snothingIcandoaboutit.Iknewitwouldn'tbeeasy.

Ihatebeingpoor.Whowouldn't?Povertyhasalwaysbeenaconstantpartofmylife.Onewouldthink

thatIwouldhavegrownaccustomedtoit,sinceIdon'tknowanydifferent.Butit'sonethingtobepoor
when you're still living in your little microcosm across the river in Brooklyn, and it’s something else
entirely when you‘re plopped down in the middle of privileged society. Everybody was poor where I
grewup,wewereallthesame,eventhoughthedegreeofpovertyvaried.Igrewupinanareathatmost
people from Manhattan would not dare step foot in, let alone take a stroll at night, and I never liked it
there.Iwantedtogetoutassoonaspossible,andIhadadreamofhowIwasgoingtodoit.I'vehadthat
dream ever since I was seven years old and found a tutor who was willing to take me under his wing,
even though my father couldn't afford to pay the full amount he charged for piano lessons. Having that
dreammademeanoutlierinschool,butIwasnevertreatedanydifferentlyforit.Wewereallinthesame
boat, and I'm sure there were quite a few others who secretly dreamed of moving on to a life in
Manhattan.

Onlymydreamwasn'ttoliveinManhattan,perse.Mydreamwasandistobecomeasolopianist.A

solopianistwhocanmakealivingwithjustherart.Iknowhowfarfetchedthatdreamis,butIalsoknew
that Juilliard would bring me closer to achieving that dream, a lot closer. Getting accepted at Juilliard
wasmynumberonegoalallthroughjuniorhighandhighschool.

AndImadeit.

ButhereatJuilliard,I'mananomaly.Icouldn'tevenattendthisschoolifIhadn'tbeenawardedenough

scholarshipstocoverthecostofmytuition,butevenwiththatandtheparttimejobsI'vebeentaking,I
can barely keep my head above water. New York is too expensive. I'm one of the very few graduate
students who still live in the dorms. Most students choose to live off-campus once they finish their
undergraduate studies. Graduate students, especially those in their second year, are a rarity here in
campushousing.

Unfortunately,oneofthemismyroommateandregrettablethree-night-standBenjamin.Ourpathscross

as often as one would expect with two people living right next to each other, and even though it's been
weekssinceourlastinterlude,itdoesn'tgetanylessawkward.He'swaitingtotaketheelevatoruptoour
floorwhenIenterthebuilding.WemakeeyecontactbeforeIcanturnaroundandhidefromhimuntilhe's
gonetoavoidanunpleasantencounter.

Icometoahaltnexttohimandcastasmilehisway."Hi."

"Hello,"hereplies,histonerevealinghowlittlehethinksofme.

I stare ahead at the elevator door and roll my eyes, oblivious to him. He's studying at the Juilliard

SchoolofDramaandthecareerpathsuitshimsowell.

Thereareeightpeoplelivinginoursimplesuiteonthe27thfloor,andBenjamin'ssingleroomisright

nexttomydoubleroom.Peoplewarnedmethathookingupwithoneofyourroommatesisprobablyone
of the worst ideas ever. Of course it is. But it's easy to forget these things when you're drunk and just
lookingforsomefunandadistractinghook-up.

I didn‘t think much of it at the time. I thought Benjamin of all people would understand that dating

comessecondaryinourcurrentsituation,especiallywhenyou'reme.Isimplydon'thavethetimetobuild
andmaintain a relationshipbetween all ofmy classes, hours ofpractice and part-timejobs, but I'm not
frigid.It'sonlyhumantoseekthiskindofintimacyonceinawhile,evenwhenthesexisn'treallyallthat
greatorspecial.

Iregretmyhook-upwithBenjaminonmorethanonelevel.It'snotonlytherepercussionsthatannoy

me,it'salsothefactthatthesexwassovanilla.AgainandagainItellmyselfthatI'dratherhavenosex
thanbadsex.ButhowwasIsupposedtoknowthatbeforehand?Benjaminappearstoughandmasculinein
public.HowcouldIknowthatheturnsintoanawkwardlittlepuppyinthebedroom?

Mybiggestmistakewastorepeatourdrunkenadventureagainandagain.Forwhateverreason,having

sexmorethantwicemadehimbelievethatwewentfrombeingroommatestobecomingacouple.Ihave
noideawhyhewouldthinkthat,weweren'teventhatclosebeforeweslepttogetherandwenevergrew
anycloserafterwestartedhookingup.

The ice cold silence that surrounds us as we share the elevator upstairs is almost unbearable, so I

decidetoreplaceitwithidleconversation.

"Howisyourplaygoing?"Iask,knowingthathe'scurrentlyworkingonamajorpartinanupcoming

performance

"Good,"hesays,hisvoicestern."Heardthingsaregoingquitewellforyou,too?"

Iturntolookathim,butheevadesmyeyes.

"YouheardabouttheAbrams-Waldorfengagement?"Iaskhim,thoroughlysurprised.

Henods,andglancesatmefromtheside."Yes.Kimtoldme.Congratulations."

Iknowthathiscongratulationsarenotsincere,butIdon'twastemuchthoughtonit.

"Thankyou,"Isay,nonetheless."I'mmeetingupwiththemtonight.Ireallyhopethey'llhiremeforthe

wedding,too."

Wereachourfloorandtheelevatordoorsopen,freeingusfromourunpleasantconfinement.

"Well,goodforyou,"Benjaminsnorts,ashestridesthroughthedoorofoursuite.

ChapterII

Kingston

I watch as Gloria twists a strand of her platinum blond hair between her fingers, absentmindedly

staringatherphonethroughherthickfakeeyelashes.She'ssittingacrossthedrawingroomfrommewith
herlegscrossed,dressedinasharpbeigenewwomen'ssuitthatI'veneverseenonherbefore.Iwouldn't
besurprisedifsheboughtitjustforthismeeting.Herearringsandmatchingnecklace,bothinthatheavy
goldtoneIhatesomuch,alsolooknewtome.Herthinlipsarepaintedadeepred,matchingherstrong
eyemakeupandtherougeonheryoungcheeks,makingherlooksomucholderthansheis.

Gloriaisonly25yearsold,buttodayherhairisstyledlikethatofamiddle-agedhighsocietylady.

Too similar to our mother's hair. It looks fucking ridiculous, and I know she only does it to please our
stuck-upfamilies.

She'splayingagame.Webothare.Butshe'ssomuchbetteratthisthanIam.

"Don'tyouthinkweshouldbesittingnexttoeachother?"shesays,withoutlookingupfromherphone.

Ihuff."Idoubtit'llmakeadifference."

Shelooksup,piercingmewithhersteelblueeyes.

"Ithinkitdoes,"shehisses."Fiancé."

Shepatsonthecushionsnexttoher,invitingmetositbesideherasifIwasatrainedpuppy.

I glare at her without moving an inch from my armchair on the other side of the seating area. This

wholearrangementisridiculousenoughasitis,Iwon'tmakeitanymorebelievablebysittingnexttothe
womanI'msupposedtomarrypermyparents'wishes.TheybothknowthatIdon'tcareforGloriatheway
amanshouldcareforhiswife-to-be–anditdoesn'tmattertothem.

"It worked for us," they keep saying. Marriage is not much more than a business agreement in their

eyes,andintheeyesofthecirclesinwhichmyfamilysocializes.Thisisallthemoretrueforfirstborns
like me. My younger brother fled to the West Coast when he started college, that lucky bastard. The
responsibilityisnothistotakeon,andheprettymuchgetstodowhateverhepleasesoverthere.

It'sallonme.Themainheir,myfather'ssuccessortothefamilyempire.

I wouldn't be doing this if my parents hadn't threatened to take this position away from me. They've

beenpesteringmetosettledownandlosemypromiscuouswayseversinceIgraduatedfromcollegeand
becameCEOofoneofourfamily’sshippingcompanies.I'mgoodatwhatIdo,andIenjoybeingtheboss.
ThewayIseeit,I'mnotonlyabletocontinuethecompany'ssuccess,butmakeitevengreater,because
unlike my aging father, I'm capable of changing with the times. Things have changed, even in our
traditional and century-old business, but he doesn‘t understand most of these changes. It‘s hurtful to the
company,buteverytimeIbringitupinfrontofhim,hegetsenraged.

Ican‘thaveourfortunedestroyedbyoldmanfailures,butherefusedtogivemefullcontrolunlessI‘m

willingtogetmarried,settledown,andproducefamilyheirs.

So,hereweare.GloriaWaldorfandme.We'veknowneachothersincechildhood,andshe'soneofthe

few women in my social circle who I've never hooked up with. That's how much I loathe that woman.
She'ssuperficial,manipulative,andthere'snotasinglelikablethingaboutherpersonality.She’sshallow,
andhersnootinessandnosinessleadshertogetinvolvedinotherpeople’sbusiness.Everythingshesays
iseithergossip,spitefulcomments,orcommands,becauseshe'susedtobeingservedandtreatedlikea
princess.Shealwaysgetswhatshewants,andthatincludesanumberofmen.Thatmaybetheonlything
wehaveincommon,thepromiscuity.

Itmaybesurprisingthatnothingeverhappenedbetweenus,evenafterourengagementwasannounced.

However,nexttomydislikeforher,wealsogrewuptogether,whichmakesherseemmorelikeahated
sister to me. Also, I’m simply not attracted to her with her excessive jewelry, the fake lashes, and the
dyedplatinumblondhair.Theworstthingisthatshesmellslikemymotherbecausetheybothbatheina
similarlyobtrusivestenchoffloweryperfumeeveryday.

Yet,allofthatmakesherperfecttobecomemywife.

Iknowloveisnotforme.Ihaven'tworkedonmybodythishardtobelockedupinacage,allowedto

havejustonewomanfortherestofmylife.I'maplayer,andIhavemylooksandmywealthworkingfor
me.It'salmosttooeasysometimesbecausegirlsareeasy.Theyallwantthesamething,andIcangiveit
tothem.Threenights,threefucks,andneversleepinginthesamebed-thosearemylimits.Afterthat,I'm
donewiththem.Always.Idon'tcareifthey'renotdonewithme,butafewdodgedphonecallsusually
getsthemessageacross.

SeeingasneitherGlorianorIareinthisfortheloveandthehellholethat'smonogamy,Idon'tseewhy

there'dbeaproblemforbothofustocontinueourwayofliving,aslongaswekeepitsecretfromour
overlyconservativeparents.

It'sperfect.AllIhavetoendureistheweddingandthedamnpreparationsandpartiesthatcomewith

it.Ourfamiliesaregoingalloutwiththis,andwe–thewell-trainedpuppetsthatweare-goalongwith
everythingtheywant.

Ihateeveryminuteofthisbizarrecircus,andIhateevenmorethattheywanttoincludeusinevery

single step of the planning process, thus robbing me of valuable time that could be spent elsewhere.
Betweenaprettygirl'slegs,forexample.IpickedupaparticularlycuteoneattheVIPsectioninacluba
fewnightsago.Acutebrunettewithhugeeyesandfirmtitsthatshewantsmetobelievearereal,butI
can'tbefooled.I'mnotafanoffake,butthoseperkytitsdrivemeinsane.Ican'twaittoseethembouncing
upanddownagainasthatlittleslutridesmythickcockintooblivion.

Alas, I have to waste my Friday evening with this idiotic meeting to discuss the details of our

upcomingengagementpartyinafewweeks.Wealreadydiscussedtheguestlistandpartsofthecatering
menutoday,bothofwhichtookhourstodecidebecauseGloriadecidedtosuddenlyhaveanopinionon
thesethingsandengagedinlongdebateswithbothofourmothers.

Gloria and I were the first to return to the drawing room to discuss the last matter for today: the

musicalaccompaniment.MymotherisatrainedactressandattendedJuilliardSchoolbeforeshemarried
myfather.Shefeelsveryclosetoheralmamaterandinsistedonhiringoneoftheirstudentstoaccompany
theengagementpartyandpossiblyeveryeventthatfollows.

My father and both of Gloria's parents were not supportive of the idea, but they filed it under my

mother's well-known whimsical traits and decided to let her have this one, if the student managed to
convinceuswithhisorherskills.

That'swhywe'rehavingthisridiculousget-togetheronaFridayevening.IknowGloriaandIsharethe

sentimentofnotwantingtobehere.Shekeepscheckinghercostlywatchagainandagain.

"Whereiseverybody?"sheasksinanaggingvoicethatdrillsthroughmyskull.

However,herquestionislegit.Bothofourparentsarelate,whichisveryunusualforthem.

The double door behind my back squeaks and Gloria lifts her eyes. Her annoyed frown is instantly

replacedbyabrightsmileasshegetsupfromthesofashe'sbeensittingon.

I follow her lead and get up myself, fixing my suit in the process, as I turn around to face the door.

Gloria's parents enter the room, greeting us with polite nods as they walk in. They're followed by my
fatherandmymother-andher.

Thegirlwho'llrobmeofmysanity.

ChapterIII

Elodie

Mrs.Abramsisasweetheart.MyheartwasabouttojumpoutofmychestwhenIrangthebellatthe

frontdooroftheAbrams‘townhouse.Tomysurprise,itwasMrs.Abramsherselfwhoopenedthedoor
forme,welcomingmeinwithabigsmile.Forsomereason,Iexpectedaservanttotakecareofthat.Isn't
thatwhatsuperrichpeoplespendtheirmoneyon?

Thisfamilyisbeyondsuperrich,though.Iknewthisbefore,butIhaven'tbeenabletograsptheextent

of their wealth until now that I'm stepping into their home. Located right between Park and Lexington
avenues,thetownhouseboastsalargecenterentrysetinalimestonebaseandwhitebrickupperstories
highlighted by two large, arched windows on the parlor floor. When entering, one steps into a large
entrancehallwithstairsleadingtotheupperfloorsontheleft,nexttoanelevator.Anelevator!Thisisa
singlefamilyhomewithfivestoriesanditsownelevator!

ItrynottogawkasMrs.Abramsintroducesmetoherhusbandandanothermiddle-agedcouplewho

turnouttobethebride'sparents.AllfourofthemaretheepitomeofUpperEastSidehighsocietywhenit
comestotheirlooks.Thewomenarebothdressedinsuitensembles,accompaniedbyheavygoldjewelry
that-nodoubt-costsmorethanmymonthlyrent.Maybeevenhalfayear‘sworthofrent.Theirmake-up
andhairstylearesosimilarthatonecouldmistakethemforsiblings,exceptforthefactthatMrs.Abrams‘
hairisadarkauburncolorwhileMrs.Waldorfisalightblonde.Thefathers,bothmenwithgrayinghair
androundbellies,aredressedintailoredsuitsandsportingclunkywatches.

Allfourofthemmakemefeelhorriblyunder-dressed,eventhoughI'mwearingmymostformaldress,

alightbeigeformal-typedresswithalacedesignthatendsjustabovemyknees.Iboughtityearsagoata
second-hand store and have been using it ever since for most of my formal engagements, even
performances.Itlooksprettyworn-outbynow,butthere'snothingIcandoaboutit,asIlivefromhandto
mouth every single month since I've moved to New York. It's the only formal piece I own, and if this
familyistohiremeformorethanoneoccasion,Iwillhavetospendsomeofmyearningstobuyanother
dresssoasnottoembarrassmyself.Thesamegoesformyshoes,anoldpairofwhiteballerinasthatused
tobechicaboutadecadeago.Bothmydressandmyshoesarebrandnameproducts,buttheywereused
when I bought them and have suffered through many occasions and performances throughout my time at
college.

"So,you'reinyourfinalyearatJuilliardIhear?"Mrs.Abramsasksinahigh-pitchedvoiceasIfollow

herandtheotherstothebackofthetownhouse.

"Yes,Iam,"Ireply,incapableofsayinganythingotherthanthat,becausemyheadisfilledwith"Holy

shit!" exclamations at every step we take. The entire home is penetrated by light thanks to the insanely
high ceilings, open spaces and windows, and the decor is out of this world exquisite and surprisingly
tasteful.Asthefamilyleadsmetotheothersideofthefirstfloor,Irealizethatthesquarefootageofthis
buildingmustbealotbiggerthanonewouldexpectfromtheoutside.

"Youknow,I'maJuilliardalumnusmyself,"Mrs.Abramssays,catchingmyattention.

"Oh,Ididn'tknowthat,"Ireplytruthfully.

Shesmilesatme."Yes,veryfewpeopledo.Imajoredindrama,butIhaven'tactedindecades."

Mrs.Abramspausesandletsoutanostalgicsigh."SometimesIreallymissit."

Before I can come up with a reply, we pass through beautifully adorned french doors, and our short

conversationisinterruptedbytheappearancesofwhatIassumetobethehappycouple.

"MissHill,"Mrs.Abramssays,asweentertheroom."MayIintroduceyoutomyson,Kingston,and

hisbeautifulfiancée,Gloria."

She gestures towards the two of them, and I stand awkwardly as they rise from their seats and

approachme.Neitherofthemlooksparticularlyhappytoseeme.Thewoman,whoisprobablyaboutmy
agebutappearstobemucholderwiththewayshe'sstyledup,barelymanagestosmileasshetakesmy
hand,andthegroom...

When he shakes my hand, squeezing it a little too hard for my comfort, it feels as if he shoots an

electricjoltthroughmysystem.

Heisdevastatinglyhandsome.

I'vetriednottogawksinceIenteredthishome,butnowthatIlayeyesonhim,Ican'thelpbutlose

controlofmyself.He'stoomuch,toomuchofeverything.Hisblackhairiscutinasidesweptundercut,
gelledtothesidewithafewstrandsfallingintohishandsomeface.Justlikethefathers,he'swearinga
tailoredsuitindarkgray,butthewayhisjacketstretchesaroundhisarmsandchest,itisareliabletelltale
ofthebuffstaturehiddenbeneath.Hefixatesonmethroughdarkgrayeyes,thehintofasmirkappearing
onhisface,ashewelcomesme.

"Pleasuretomeetyou,MissHill,"hesays.Igetweakinthekneesashisdeepvoiceradiatesthrough

thehall-likesittingroom.

Holy shit. How on earth am I supposed to make a good impression with this man around? And he's

abouttogetmarried,too!

MyvoiceisnothingbutahoarsescreechwhenItrytogivehimareply,butnooneseemstonoticeor

care.

"Please, let's sit down," Mrs. Abrams says, gesturing towards the seating area where the couple has

beenwaitingforus.

Ihesitateforamoment,unsurewheretosit,andsoIwaitforeveryoneelsetotaketheirseats.Asit

turnsout,thereisnospecificsittingorderexceptforthefactthatMrs.Abramsgesturestowardanoble
armchairwithwhitecushioningandawoodenframeformetositin.Thechairisplacednexttoanarray
of two sofas and two other armchairs of a similar design, all of them arranged around a white coffee
table.Inoticethateachoftheparentssittogetheronthesofas,whileGloriaandKingstonquicklydecide
onthearmchairs,sittingoppositeofeachother-andclosesttome.

Igulpandsincerelyhopethatnoonenoticesmynervousness.I'mcarryingmymusicsheetswithmein

ablackfolderandIplaceitinmylap,myfingersclaspingarounditasifI'mholdingonfordearlife.

"No need to be nervous, Miss Hill," Mrs. Abrams says, casting me a warm smile. "We just want to

havealittlechattogettoknowyoualittleandexchangesomeideasabouttheeventweintendtohireyou
for."

"Sure,"Isay.

Icanfeelhisintensedarkeyesonmeandseehimfromthecornerofmyeye.Whyishestaringatme

like this? When I turn my head to catch his eyes, I expect him to look away, as most people would do
whenthey're caught staring.But he doesn't.Our eyes lock ontoeach other fora few awkward seconds,
beforeIgiveinandevadehisgaze.

"Tellusalittleaboutyourself,"Mr.Waldorf,thebride'sfather,says.Histoneisthecompleteopposite

ofMrs.Abrams.He'sfirmandserious,notshowingeventhehintofasmileashespeakstome.

"Um,aboutmyself?"Iask,unsurewhatthesepeopleneedtoknowaboutmeotherthanwhatkindof

musicIcanprovideforthem."Well,asformyrepertoire,I-"

"No,no,"Mrs.Waldorfinterrupts."We'lltalkaboutthatlater.Tellusalittleaboutyourself.Whereare

youfrom?"

Iregardherwithaconfusedexpression.Ididn'texpectthistobeaproperinterviewandhadprepared

forplayingmorethanspeaking.

"I'mfromNewYork,"Isay."Bornandraised.Brooklyn."

"That'snotNewYork,"Gloriainterjects,eyeingherthicklypaintedfingernails.

"Gloria!"hermothersays,castingherawarninglook."Don'tberude."

Gloria rolls her eyes and throws me a disgusted look before she goes back to examining her

fingernails,notafraidtoshowhowlittleshecaresaboutmyfeelings.

Whatabitch.

"Brooklyn,that's...nice,"Mrs.Abramssays,soundingabithelpless."Andyourparents,aretheyalso

musicians?"

MymotherwasadrugaddictwhotookoffwithherloverwhenIwasthreeyearsold,thatisifIamto

believemyfather.Accordingtohim,shemayhavediedofanoverdosenotlongafterleavingus.ButI
don't know if I can trust his words, considering that he's an alcoholic himself and never forgave my
motherforleavinghimalonewithme.Ihavenomemoriesofherandnevertriedtofindher.Ifwhatlittle
myfathertoldmeaboutheristrue,Idon’tthinkI’mmissingoutonanything.

Hetookcareofmeaswellashecould,butthatdoesn'tsayalotabouthisparentingskills.Ihaven't

seen him for months, and I only check up on him once in a while to make sure that he's still alive and
doing okay. Our interaction is heavily dependent on what kind of woman he is dating at the time. The
bitchiertheyare,thelessIhearfromhim.

"Um,no,"Isay,hopingthatnoonepressesmeonthematter.

"Whendidyoustarttakingpianolessons?"Mr.Waldorfwantstoknow.

"Well,I didn't takeproper lessons untiljunior high school," Iadmit. "But I'veplayed the piano long

beforethat."

Myreplyismetwithawkwardsilence.Iknowthatmostseriousmusiciansstartedtheirlessonsway

younger than that, often even before they started school, but I didn't have that opportunity. We had no
moneyforlessonsandnopianoathome.AllIhadwasMissKnight,anelementaryteacherwhotookpity

on me and let me play the piano at our school. She even bought me sheet music and taught me a few
lessonsforfreeuntilIgraduated.Shewasalsotheonewhogotmestartedonapplyingforscholarshipsto
financemymusicaleducationandfinallytakelessonsattheageoffourteen.

"ShemadeitintoJuilliard,soshemustbegood,"Mrs.Abramscomestomyrescue."Theyonlytake

thebest."

"Icouldplaysomething,"Isuggest,liftingthefolderwithmysheets."Justtogiveyouanideaofmy

portfolio."

Iwastoldthatthefamilyownsagrandpiano,aseveryself-respectingfamilyontheUpperEastSide

does.Asidefrommyanxietytomeetthefamily,Ihavebeenlookingforwardtoplayingontheirpiano,as
I'msureitmustbeamoreexquisiteinstrumentthananyotherI'veeverplayed.

Andthatassumptiondoesn'tevencomeclosetothetruth.

ChapterIV

Kingston

IwatchasourlittlepianogirlexaminesourSteinwayconcertgrandpiano,herthinfingerscaressing

thekeys,butbarelytouchingthem,asifshewasafraidshecouldhurtthem.Alleyesareonher,observing
herpeculiarbehaviorasshefondlestheinstrument.Noonehassaidawordsincewebroughtherupto
themusicroom,aroomthatfeaturesnothingbutthespicandspangrandpianosurroundedbywhitewalls
andafewarmchairslinedupagainstthewalloppositethewindows.

"This is a Steinway Concert Grand Model D," the girl gasps without turning around. Her eyes are

gluedtothepianolid."It'sso...beautiful."

"Isn'tit?"mymotheragrees,nowwalkingclosertoher.

"YouknowItookafewlessonsmyselfwhileIwasstillatJuilliard,"shesays."ButInevercameclose

tobeinganygood.It'sjustahobbyforme."

MissHilllooksatmymother,hereyeswidewithcuriosity.

"Soitdoesgetplayed?"sheasks.

My mother nods. "I toy around with it once in a while. Just to relax, you know. Always playing the

samefewmelodies.Itwouldbeapityifnoonewouldeveruseit."

Thegirlnods."Yes,itwouldbe!"

"Kingstoncanplay,too,"mymotheradds,causingallheadstoturninmydirection."Hetooklessons

forafewyearswhilegrowingup."

Ishakemyhead.It'struethatIwasforcedtotakelessonsasachild,butitmusthavebeenyearssinceI

touchedapiano.

"Nothingtobragabout,"Isay,tryingtodivertattentionawayfromme.

My mother smiles at Miss Hill, and I can tell that she's completely in her element. Ever since my

brother and I were young children, she's been talking about how much she misses the world of the
performingarts.She'salwaysbeeninvolvedinsomekindoffundraisingandcharityactivitytosupport
studentsofthearts,especiallythosewho-likeMissHill-don'thavethemonetaryaccesstolessons.My
fatherdoesn'tsupportherlovefortheseactivities,butthere'sverylittlehecansayaboutitnowthather
burdenasamotherandhomemakerhaslessened.

"Please,"shesays,gesturingtowardthepianobench."Playforus."

MissHillnods,claspingherblackfolderasshecarefullytakesherseatonthebench.Sheplacesthe

folderonthemusicrackandbeginstoadjustthebench,whilemymotherbeckonsfortherestofustosit
down.

Again,ImakesurenottositnexttoGloria.Idon'twanttodealwithherexasperatedbreathsasshe

enduresMissHill'sperformance.Untiljustafewminutesago,Iwouldhavebeenonthesamepageasher
andhaveshownequallylowinterestinthis.

Butthatwasbeforethisgirlshowedup.Thissweet,innocentgirlwhoisthecompleteoppositeofthe

woman I am to marry. She's raw and pure, incapable of hiding how intimidated she is by this whole
situation.Herpalecomplexion,thechocolatebrownhair,andherbiggreeneyes,capturedmefromthe
veryfirstmomentIsawher.

She'sdifferent.

AndIlikedifferent.

She's also as forbidden as can be, because messing around with her could put this entire charade at

risk.

AndIfuckingloveforbidden.

She'stakenherseatonthebenchandnowlooksup,thosebig,beautifuleyeswidenedinquestion.

"Start with something simple and familiar," my mother answers her silent question. "Something

classicalthatwouldbeagoodfitforsomemellowbackgroundmusic."

"Debussymaybe?"thegirlasks.

"Clairdelune!"mymothercompleteshersuggestion."That'sagoodone."

MissHillnods.

Iwatchherfaceassheplacesherdaintyfingersonthekeyboard.It'shardtotell,butIthinksheletsout

afaintsighasherfingertipstouchthekeys.I'veneverseenanyonetakenbyasimpleinstrumentasmuch
assheisrightnow.It'shauntinglybeautifultowatch.

Andsexyasfuck.

Itseemsshedoesn'tneedhersheetsforthatone,asshejuststartstoplayrightaway.Sheflincheswhen

thefirstfewverysofttunesechothroughtheroom.Asthemelodyspeedsup,shecloseshereyesandit
seemsasifshe'stheonefollowingwherethesonggoesinsteadofplayingitherself.Herbrownhairfalls
overhershoulderswhensheleansforwardduringtheloudermiddlepathandherlipspartasifshewas
singingalong.HerexpressionissopassionatethatIcannothelpbutwonderifthatiswhatshelookslike
whenclimaxing.

Iwanttomakeherlookthatwaywhileshe'spinneddownbeneathmyrock-hardbody.

Mycockneedstoknockitthefuckoff.

Ishiftaroundonmychair,changingmyseatingpositiontohidethegrowingbulgeinmycrotch.

Thisisnew.You'dthinkI'msufferingfromblueballs,butmyencounterwiththatsexybrunettefromthe

clubwasnotthatlongago.

That'snotit.

Yet,I'veneverreactedlikethistothemeresightofawomanbefore.Whatthehellishappeninghere?

Shedoesn'tevenlookthatsexyinatraditionalsense.Nothingaboutherscreamssexlikeitdoeswith

thevixenfromtheclub.HerdresslookswornoutandIknowthatneitherGlorianorourmotherswould
ever want to be seen in something like that. There are even a few threads hanging out at the side right
belowherarm.Ibetshedidn'tnoticewhensheputitonbeforeshecamehere.Hershoeslookequally
usedandarejustasmuchatelltalesignofherpovertyasisthedress.

HermakeupissubtleandI'msureshesteppeditupanotchfortoday.I'msureherlipsarenakedand

I'mlookingathernaturalcolor,asIimaginethemwrappedaroundmyhardcock.

Herplayintensifies,andshe'slongforgottenaboutourpresenceintheroom.She'slostinthemusic,

her upper body swaying along with the melody and her eyes are still closed, even at the sections I'd
imaginearethehardesttoplay.

Herfingersremainonthelastkeysassheendsthesongandfreezesinabent-overposition,whilethe

lastnoteechoesthroughtheroom.

Evenwhenmymotherstartstheapplauseandwechimein,thegirldoesn'tlookupfromthepiano.Her

eyesremainclosedforafewmoremoments,beforeshefinallyopensthem,castingadreamygazeacross
thepianolid.Shealmostlooksasifshecannotbelievethatshewastheonewhojustplayedthatmelody.

"Beautiful!"mymotherpraises,whileGloriabarelyliftshereyesfromherphone.

Finally,MissHilllooksatus,ashysmileappearingonherface.

"A very common song, though," Gloria's father interjects. "Do you have anything more out of the

ordinary?Morecomplex?"

Shelooksathim,quietforafewmoments,asshepondersherreply.Justassheopenshermouthtosay

something,she'sinterruptedbyGloria'smother.

"Nothingtoospecial,though,"shesays."There'snoneedtogettooesoteric,westillwantpeopleto

recognizethemusicastheirown.We'dliketoplayafewoftheirfavorites."

Shecastsherhusbandawarninglookandheshrugs.

"Yes,absolutely,"MissHillsays."Ihaveafewpiecesinmindthatareperfectforaromanticmusical

accompaniment, such as the 2nd movement of Beethoven's Pathetique or some of Chopin's more docile
salonpieces."

"Chopin!"mymothersighs."Oh,heisoneofmyfavorites!"

Thegirl'sfacelightsup.

"Mine, too," she says. "Personally, I'd suggest some of the Nocturnes - Opus 9 in e-flat major for

example-orhispreludesinFsharpmajor,AbmajorandmaybeeventheDbmajor.Nexttohiswaltzes,
whichcouldalsobeplayedto-"

"Ithinkwegettheidea,MissHill,"myfatherinterruptsher."There'snoneedtogettoomuchintothe

detail.IthinkKingstonandGloriashouldhaveasayinthis,aswell."

Hethrowsexpectantlooksfirstatme,thenatGloria,whomanagesjustintimetofakeinterestinthe

wholeconversation.

"Whatdoyouthink?"myfatherasks."Isthereanythinginparticularyouwishtohear?"

I gesture toward Gloria, implying that she should be the first to speak, but she just shrugs her

shoulders.

"Classicalsoundsgood,Iguess,"shesays.

"IcouldalsoplayJohnWilliamsvariationsorPhillipGlass,"MissHillsays,tryingtocatchGloria's

attention."Toaddamoderntouchtotherepertoire."

Gloriafurlshereyebrows."Who?"

"Moviecomposers,"Ienlightenher."EspeciallyGlass,whohaswrittenalotofpianopieces."

Fromthecornerofmyeyes,IcanseeMissHillnodding.

"Idon'tthinkwewanttogointhatdirection,"mymotherinterjects,speakingasifwejustsuggested

turningtheengagementpartyintoanalternativerockconcert."Justshowusafewmoreofyourclassical
pieces."

MissHillnodsquietlyandcloseshereyestodevoteherselftoanothersong.

EndofPreview

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