TableofContents

HARDCORE
BLURB
DEDICATION
PROLOGUE
CHAPTERONE
CHAPTERTWO
CHAPTERTHREE
CHAPTERFOUR
CHAPTERFIVE
CHAPTERSIX
CHAPTERSEVEN
CHAPTEREIGHT
CHAPTERNINE
CHAPTERTEN
CHAPTERELEVEN
CHAPTERTWELVE
CHAPTERTHIRTEEN
CHAPTERFOURTEEN
CHAPTERFIFTEEN
CHAPTERSIXTEEN
CHAPTERSEVENTEEN
CHAPTEREIGHTEEN
CHAPTERNINETEEN
CHAPTERTWENTY
CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE
CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO
CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE
CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR
CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE
EPILOGUE
BIO
AUTHOR’SNOTE
PERVEXCERPT

HARDCORE

byDakotaGray

Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,places,andincidentsareeithertheproduct

oftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfictitiously,andanyresemblancetoactualpersonslivingor

dead,businessestablishments,events,orlocales,isentirelycoincidental.

Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybeusedorreproducedinanymannerwhatsoever

withoutwrittenpermissionoftheauthorexceptinthecaseofbriefquotationsembodiedincritical

articlesorreviews.

Anytrademarks,servicemarks,productnamesornamedfeaturesinanymediaformareassumedto

bethepropertyoftheirrespectiveowners,andareusedonlyforreference.Thereisnoimplied

endorsementifweuseoneoftheseterms.

Self-PublishedEdition2017

BLURB

Adecentmanwouldhavelethergoafterourone-nightstand,butI’mbarelyagentleman.
Threeyearsago,KennedyMclanesawtherealmeafterwehadsex.Shesawtheruthlessattorney

whogetsclients—yes,eventheguiltyones—offontechnicalities.Sheglimpsedmyheartofstoneandran
intheotherdirection,becauseI’meverythingsheshouldn’twant.

Forthreelongyears,I’vewaitedformygoodgirltoturnbad.’Causewhenshedoes,itwon’tmatter

ifshe’sreadyforme,orifshecantakeit.Hard.Wehaveunfinishedbusiness,andI’vebeenmorethan
fair.She'llprobablyhatemebytheendofallthis.ButIdon'tcareanymore.I’mgoingtogetheroutofmy
system,onewayoranother.

ATAGLANCE

BACKLIST

DEDICATION

Toallmylegalfolkswhowillcringewhilereadingthis,keepfightingthefight.

PROLOGUE

Before we get into this shitshow that is my life right now, I should offer up some important

backgrounddetails.

Liquormixedwithlustistherootofallevilinmylife.
That one show that's been on since Moses split the Red Sea? The hospital one where everyone is

fuckinginelevators?Yeah.Lawfirmscanbelikethattoo.

Andfuckingahotredheadonyourdeskcanleadtoallsortsofproblems.
Thosearethefacts.
So,letmesetthescene.It'sthreeyearsago.I'mawide-eyed,oraswide-eyedasIcanbe,junior

associateatatop-earninglawfirminHartsburg.It'satownrightonthebrinkofametropolis,sothisisa
bigdeal.Iwasjustpluckedfromtheseaofshoulderhigh-cubiclesandgivenmyownofficeonthefirst
floornearthebathrooms.I'mmovingupintheworld.

ThehallsofLanceandChasearedeckedwithcheapplasticboughsofholly.I'mbuzzingfromthree

shotsoftequila.It’stwodaysbeforeChristmasandspendingitatworkmightmakemetoomuchlikemy
fuckwitofafather.I'mheadedtomyofficetogetmybriefcase.

Theproblem?
Acertain,hotredheadIworkwith—flirtwith—hastaggedalongwithme.
Thetrouble?
She’sleadingtheway,andmygazekeepstrailingdowntoherass.I'mprettysureGodhandcraftedit

himself. Or Satan. It's supernaturally curved, and the jeans plastered to both cheeks, her hips, and
everythingelsesheputinthem,shouldbegratefulforexisting.

Incaseanyonecouldforget,I'mthreetequilasin.Ittakesmeawhiletogettohertits,muchlessher

face.IdobythetimeIreachundermydesktograbmycase.

The distinctive sound of a lock sliding home draws my gaze up to her. Her honey-brown gaze is

fixedonmewhileherteethpromisetoleaveimprintsonherbottomlip.It'sthatlook—theonethatcan
raiseamanfromthedead.It'sthatkindofmouth—theonethatcanmakeamanwanttosellhissoulfor
justakissonthetipofhiscock.

NowI'mnottheguywhowillclutchpearlswhenawomangetsanintentgleaminhereye,butthis

woman...

“Whatareyoudoing?”Iaskher.
Sheleansagainstthedoorandtriestoholdbackhermischievoussmile.“Ithoughtwewerehavinga

privatemoment.Didn'twantanyonetobargein.”

“Privatemoment?”Iknowwhatshemeans.Iwanthertospellitout.
“Wewerehavingsuchagoodtalkintheconferenceroom,butitwastooloudwithtoomanypeople.

You'reabouttoheadhome...”

She'ssofullofshit.It'spartlywhyIlikeher.“Right.”
Ibracemyhandsonmydeskanddomybesttoputonmystone-cold,heartlessface.It'sinmyDNA

toholdadirectdeadstarenoonecanhold.WithenoughhairproductIcanmakemystrandssubmit.

I'mapictureofwinter—cold,fathomlessanddeadly.I'vebeencarvedintothisandsomedaysIpray

forguilt,thewarmthofshamewhenIdoquestionableshit.Thoseemotionsnevercome,though.

But tonight it's tough to do the stare justice. I didn't eat anything at the potluck. Most of the food

lookedsuspectafterfivehoursofsittingoutinthemainconferenceroom.Thisishourtenatwork.I'm
runningonboozeandbagelfumes.

“Kennedy.”I’mtryingtosoundlikethevoiceofreasonbutI'vereachedhertitsandface.
Shehasthekindofrackyoutittyfuckbecauseifyoudon't,you'resimplylessofaman.DidImention

she'saredhead?She'llhavepussy-pinknipplesthatturncrimsonwhenshe’saroused.Ishakemyhead,

surprisedatmymind'sfastslideintothegutter.

“DukeAlexander,”shemurmursbackatme,andhernormallyhuskyvoiceisaseductiverasp.“You

lookscared.”

“Youmightbeconfusingmewithsomeoneelse.I'mneverscared.”
I'mworriedifshecomesanycloserI'lleatheralive,andshe'llthankmeforitwithhuskymoans.

Thatwon'tbegood.Wehaveadecentworkrelationship.Shecalendarsforthefirmandhasneverfucked
upafilingdeadlineormissedadrop-deaddatefordeliveringaproofofservice.We'vetalkedenoughI
knowshewantstobranchoutwithherownlegalcourierbusiness—doingsimilartasksformuchbetter
pay.It'llcatertofirmsintheareamostlydoinggruntworktheyaren'twillingtopayafull-timeemployee
todo.

She'ssmart,hungry,andmaybeI'veflirtedwithhermostofthenight.Okay.Forthepasttwomonths.

Wehavethesamecoffeeschedule.

Thetequilahasmethinkingtoomuch.
Itryagain.“Kennedy,youdon'twanttofuckme.”
Shesmiles,andIsweartogodmyheartlurches.Fuckme.No.Fuckher,hard.
“Duke,Duke,Duke.”She'swearingtennisshoesbutIwouldputherwalkupagainstarunwaymodel

instilettos.Ican'tlookanywherebutatherhips.

“WhydoyouthinkIcametoyouroffice?Yourofficeisashithole.Aniceshithole,butI'mnothere

fortheview.”

“Idon'thaveone.”Iknow.That'sthedumbestfuckingthinganyonecansayinthissituation,butmy

starehasmovedtotheapexbetweenherthighs.Isitmeorisherpussywhisperingmyname?

Touchme,Duke.
Caressme,Duke.
Lickme,Duke.
No.No.Iworkwithher.Thisismyfirstyearasajuniorassociate.Gettingarepforfuckingaround

isnotwhatIwant.Thisisalonggamewithacleargoalinmymind—seniorpartner.Halfthefemalestaff
can'tknowwhatmydicklookslikewhenI'moneofthebosses.

See,youhavetounderstand,myfatherisanattorney.Hisfatherwasanattorney.Mygrandfather's

motherworkedherwayupasaclerkfortheUnitedStatesSupremeCourt.Shewasdamnnearolderthan
godbythetimeshemadeit,butit'sanAlexanderthingtobeaforceofnatureuntilyouphysicallyand
mentallycannot.

It was understood at a very young age that I would follow this tradition. I have, to a point. I'm

playingthegame.Iplantojumpthroughthehoops.Iwillprocuretherightfriendshipsandmakethesmart
backroomdeals.

KennedycouldbeacomplicationthatIdon'tneed.So...doIreallywanttoshootmyloadwithher?

Tomorrowwhenthehazeofliquorhascleared,willsheregretwhatwedid?

She runs her tongue over her top lip. Her mouth is not quite pussy-pink, but close enough I hear a

whooshinmybrainasallmyblooddrainstomycock.

Pause.
If it's not clear, this moment—This One—is where things go fucking sideways for me. Before the

flashofhertongue,IliketothinkIcouldhaveshakenoffthehazeofbooze.I'mnotdrunk,butyouwon’t
findmegettingbehindthewheelofacar.I’malsonotthetypetobeledbymydick.I’vewantedtofuck
hersincethreeminutesafterwemet,andthatwasmostlyduetohersmartmouthandaninfectiouskindof
grin.

It’ssafetosayshe’swantedtofuckmetoo,butresisted.Alcoholpluslustisgettingtoheralso.
Iknowshehadacoupleofcupsofbubbly.Thoughherwalkissteadyandstraightassheholdsmy

stareandstrutstome,there'saflushtohercheeks.Thepromiseofsexisclearinhergaze.

YetIknowshe’stheepitomeofagoodgirl.
Thisisn'taboutworryingatJuneCleaver'spearls.I'mtryingtodotherightthinghere,whichforme

happensaboutonceeverydecade.Iliveandbreatheinthegrayarea.Her,she'sallblackandwhite.

“Kennedy,comehere.”
She picks up her pace. I do my best to not jump her when she slides between me and the desk. I

ignoreeverything,everything,that'ssoftandwarmaboutherasshesidlesuptome.Icupherfaceand
lowermyheaduntiltheonlyplaceshecanlookisatme.

Isay,“It'sclearwelikeeachother.”
“Youmakemelaugh.That'shardtodo.ThoughIworryaboutyou.”
Mybrowsgoup.“What?”
“Sometimesyougocold.”
It'ssomethingmyfriendsaccusemeof,andusuallytheydragmeoutoftheofficetogetatasteoflife.

Whatamazesmeisthatsheseesit.Again,wechatovercoffeeinthemorning.Orinthehallway.Oratthe
courthouseifshe'srunningarareerrandoutsideoftheoffice.

It's just the past month that it seems like I can't turn around without seeing her, but that could be

because I'm looking for her. A glimpse of her red hair, her quick smile, and my insides tighten. She's a
breakfromthenosetothegrindstonelifeI'vebeenlivingsince...forever.

Rightnow,that'snotthepoint.IwanthertounderstandwhenshewakesupinmybedI’mstillgoing

tobeDukeAlexander,anattorneywithwaytoomuchambitionandapenchantforfuckingwomenuntil
theyforgettheirownnames.Hereyesneedtobewideopenbeforewegoanyfurther.

“SometimesI'mcoldbecausethat'sthemanIam.Doyougetthat?”I’mcloseenoughIfeeltheshiver

thatrunsthroughher.

Sheswallows,thehesitationofheranswerhangingintheair.“Yes.”
Kennedy, so far, hasn't spoken a word she doesn't wholeheartedly believe. It's hard to confuse

convictionwithanythingelseonceyouhearit.

Idragmythumbsalonghercheeks.“Don'tjustsayit.”
“I'mnot,”shemurmurs.“Icanseeit.”
Shedropshergazetomychestbeforeshepressesherhandstomypecs.
Thatshouldbetheendofourexchange.She'sunsureandbeingshy,whenallKennedyhasbeenis

unbiddenandoutspoken.Yetafteradeepbreathshereachesuptothetopbuttononmydressshirt.She
tugsthatfirstonefree,andthenanotherandanother.Hereveryexhalefeathersagainstthebaredskin.

“Iwantyoutofuckme.”There'snohintofdoubtinhertenor.“Righthere.Onyourdesk.”
DoIneedtospelloutwhyIdon'tsaynoandsendheronherway?
“Goddammit.”
She laughs. There's a knowing to it—she's got me. Womanly wiles are all about confidence, not

deceptionlikesomenumbnutsbelieve.Anysmartmanwillbowtoit,andmykneesachetodojustthat
whenevershe'sinbreathingdistance.

“Isthatayes?”sheasks.“You'realittletipsy.Idon'twanttotakeadvantageofyou.Ineedtohear

youragreementinclear,consensualterms.”

ThatrightthereisanotherreasonwhyIlikeherandwhyI'mgoingtoignorecommonsenseandfuck

heronmydesk.Nooneisheadedtomyoffice.Hell,halfthepeopleleftatthefirmaretrashedoutoftheir
mindsandlikelydoingquestionableshittoo.

“Yes.I'mgoingtofuckyou.Here.Now.Howmuchhaveyou...”
ShelicksherlipagainandIlosetrackofthequestionIwantedtoask.I'mlisteningtomydick,sure,

butthatdoesn'tmeanI'mnotgoingtodomybesttofuckheruntilshewalkssideways.Definitelydoesn’t
meanI’mnotgoingtograbholdofcontrollikeIalwaysdo.

Istepback.“Putyourhandsonthedesk.”

Herbrowsgoupatthedemand.“Likethat?Withoutaplease?”
“Didyouthinkyou’dgetspecialtreatmentforbeingcute?”Huh.Didn’tmeantosaythatoutloud.
Yethergazegoessoft.“YouthinkI’mcute?”
Ileanforwardtowhisperinherear.“Fuckingyouinmyofficeisrisky,cangetusfiredandanumber

ofthingsthatmakesmybloodruncold.I’mgoingtodoitanywaybecauseIfindyouirresistible.”Ipull
backtoholdherstare.“Nowgetonthedesk,Kennedy.”

Theblushisback.Iignorethatandgriptheedgeofhershirttoyankituptoherbellybutton.She

doesn't have flat abs. There's cushion for my fingers to sink into and I fucking want to. My head is
spinningnow.I'mnotsureifthat'stheliquororher.Let'sbehonestthough,myentirefocusrestsonher
jean'sbutton.

“You'rebeautiful.”That'stheliquortalking.It’sagoddamnvortex..
Focus,dammit.
ImakesurethatmyknucklesbrushagainstherstomachasIunzipherjeans.Ittrulyisthelittlethings.

Hertitsjostlebeneaththecottonteeasherbreathingshiftsdeeper,faster.I'llgettothegirls.Hopefully.
Hertitsareagiftthatshouldbeunwrappedslowly,notwhenI'mslightlyoffmygame.

“Kickoffyourshoes.”
Shedoesn'thesitate.
“Lift,”isthenextdirectionasIdragbothherjeansandherunderweardown.
She'sdowntohersocks,braandshirt,andIhaveneverseenasexierwomanhalf-naked.Shapely

legs,thickhips—allfuckingwomaninbetweenherthighs.Iskimmygazeoverherbarepussy.

I’vebeengivingherharddemands,verylittletouching,andshe’sbeencreaminginherpantiesover

itall.

Myneedforcontrolmakesherwet.
IshouldhaveskippedtwoofthosedrinksIhadearlier.Myinhibitionshaveruntohide,andthere’s

justmeandmyneed.Idonoforeplayhandshake.There'snoteasingherslitwithmyfingers,whispering
dirtywordsinherear.Fuck,notevenakiss.

Iburymyfacebetweenherthighsandeather.OneofherlegsremainsonthedeskandtheotherI

absentlythrowovermyshoulder.

Thisissloppy,andwouldbeembarrassing,butherhipsliftuptomymouthasamoanspillsfrom

hers. The urgency beating inside my chest calms. This isn't about an end goal. This is about pleasure.
Hers.Ipushherleguptogivemyselfbetteraccess.

Thatsimplemovemakesherclitsitupforme.She'snotswollenenoughforquicktongueflicksto

sendherover,soIsuckherintomymouth—softly,slowly.She'ssweet,tangyandperfect.Icouldspend
therestofthenighteatingher,notoncegettingtiredofthewaysheflavorsmytastebuds.

Ifnothingelse,I'mgoingtodothisright.Iplaceahandoverherslitandtugtheskinbackuntilher

clitpeeksfromunderitshood.Sincethere'snopointindoinganythinghalfway,Iclosemymouthoverher
fromclittoentranceandsucksoftly.

Thewayshegasps,thewayshegetsthatmuchwetterturnsmydickintosteel.She'sreadyfortongue

andIgiveittoher.I'mrelentless.There'snopartofherpussythatdoesn'tgetlappedup.

Thetremblestartsinherlegsandworksitswayuptoafullbodyshudder.
“Duke.Yourmouth.Iloveit.”Shemashesthewordstogetherinasexygroan.
Shedeservestosoakmychin.Shetenses.Herflavordeepens.Idon'tstoplickingherintooblivion.

Shepantsmynameandithasneversoundedsodamngood.Isliptwofingersintohercunt,matchingthe
paceofthepumpstomytongueflicks.

Sheshudders.“I’mcoming.Don’t...oh,god.Don’tstop.”
Icurlmyfingersandendanythoughtsorwordsshehasleft.Hercriesaresharpbutlow.Therewon't

beanyscreaming,andthathasnothingtodowiththewayI'vemadeamealoutofher.Ican'tthinkabout

where we are. Her scent, her taste surrounding my senses is all that matters. The insistent throb in my
cockissecond.I’mgoingtomakehercomeagainsoIcanslurpuphercream.Nothinghasevertasted
betterandI’mstarving.

Aftershetensesasecondtime,shepushesmyfaceaway.Fuck.Thepictureshemakes.WhileIwas

busy,Kennedyhadtuggedhershirtupoverherbreasts.Oneispartiallyexposed.Fromtheerectposition
ofhernipple,Icanonlyassumeshe'sbeenplayingwithit.

Itut.“DidIsayyoucouldtouchyourself?”
Shemoansatthequestioninsteadofanswering.Idragafingerbetweenherfolds,teasingherstill.
BecausenotevenduringsexdoIgiveintoweakness,Istraightenandask,“DidI,Kennedy?”
Sheshakesherhead.
“Sayit,”Idemand.
“Youdidn'tgivemepermission.”
“AnyothertimeI'dteachyoualesson.Whenyou'reinmybed,you'remine.Youplaybymyrules.”I

graspherthighsandtughertotheedgeofmydesk.“Dependingonmymood,I'dgiveyourclitaspanking.
Ortellyoutoclosethatprettymouthofyoursaroundmycock.”

Shetiltsherheadbackassheflushesfromheadtotoe.She'sturnedonbythepictureI'mpainting.

WhydidIhavethosetwoextradrinks?Whythefuckdidn'tItakeherhometodothisright?

“Butsinceyou'rehalfwaythere,”Isay,“pullyourbraup.Letmeseeyou.”
“Doyoualways—areyoualwaysthisbossy?”
“Yes.”Iswirlmythumboverherclitjusttowatchherlidslower.“Butifthereisanythingyouwant,

I’llgiveittoyou.”

Shemoans. I takenote she scrapesher fingernails over hernipples as shetugs the material down.

Thelacepullstightatthesidesofherbreasts,burninganimageinmymindIwillandcanforeverjackoff
to.

“You'reperfect,Kennedy.Sofuckingunbelievablysexy.”Ican'twaitanymore.
MymovementsareswiftandpreciseasIfreemycock,slideonacondom,andthenpositionthetip

atherentrance.She’shot,wetandsoready.

“Pullbackyourknees.”
“Hard.Iwantithard.”
The pulse in my head pounds while I try to hold onto my control. I rub my cock in her wetness,

teasingusbothasIglidethetipoverandaroundherclit.Herpinkdarkensforme,atwhatI'mdoing.

HardistheonlythingIcangiveher,butIenterherslow.Herbreathhitches.Istoptowatchherface.

She'slookingatthewaymydickstretchesher.Hereyelidsarelowinthatsex-drunkway.Iedgeback.
Herpussyisbeautifularoundme.Thetipofthecondomglistensfromherarousal.Iseeifshecantake
morethistime.Again.Again.UntilI'mpoundingintoher.HertittiesbounceasIslamhome.

IgritmyteethbecauseIcan'tcomeuntilshedoes.Fuck,it'sgoingtokillmetoholdback.Herpussy

feelsmadeforme.Whenallofmeslideshome—I'mhome.Soft.Tight.Wet.Thebackofmyfuckinghead
isthrobbingfromhowgoodshefeels.

Ileanforwardandnipherlobe.Ineedhertocomeandnow.“Isthishardenough?Wantmore?”
“Yes.More.”
She'sneversoundedsexier.“Don'taskforwhatyoucan'ttake.”
Shemoans.“More.”
Ipulloutofher.Hergazetracksdowntomydick.“Duke,”shewhispers.
Mydicktwitches.“Onyourstomach.Onmydesk.”
Shebitesherlipandsmiles.Ihelpherdown,andshesplaysherhandsoverthewood.Thatmoveis

followed with her arching her ass up. The smile is wide when she glances back at me and says, “Like
this?”

Ilaugh.There'snopointinreplying.She'sgoingtolearn,theroughway,tonotteaseme.Iwaituntil

she's relaxed before I push deep inside her. Slow, easy, delicious strokes. She moans for more cock. I
pushdeeper,reachingforwardforherhair.BecauseI'mnothingifnotthoughtful,I'mgentleasIwrapthe
redstrandsaroundmyfist.Ipulluntilherheadistiltedback.

ThenIfuckher.Hard.
Nothinglikehavingapointtoprovetokeepfromcomingprematurely.Ialsohavetoclosemyeyes.

Herassslappingagainstmeistoofuckingmuch.Womenworkouttohaveeveryinchtoned.Nothingto
jiggle when they move. Nothing is more beautiful than fucking a woman from behind, and her ass
respondingtoeverythrust.It'shypnotic.

Ican'twatchsomethinglikethat,notifIwanthertocometwicebeforeIsuccumb.
But...thisfuckingwoman.
HerpussyspasmsaroundmeandI'mgoingtodiefrommyownorgasmifIletittakemenow.
Shepurrsinthehuskyvoiceofhers.“Sobig.Sodeep.Iwanttosuckyousobad.”
I lose my punishing rhythm. Her words have bypassed my focus and shot straight to my nuts. This

holdshehasonme,howeasyIyieldtoitpissesmeoff.“FuckingKennedy.”

Myshortspurtofangerisdrownedoutwiththepleasuresqueezingmetight.
“You'dtastesogoodinmymouth.”
I want to hate her but my toes have curled in my loafers. Yes. Let that image linger. My shirt is

unbuttoned.Mypantshangaroundmyanklesandmyunderwearisdamnnearcuttingoffmycirculationas
itrestsacrossmyupperthighs.

SomepeoplewouldcallthispassionandI'dnormallycringeatthedefinition.
Yetthetipofmycockthrobswitheveryheartbeat.It'sagoodhurt.Ilovethepain.Myhipsyearnto

jerkforwardthenIcancome.Iwantthatpictureshe'spaintedmore.

Ipullout.“Thengetonyourknees.I'msoclose.”
Idon'thavetogiveheranymoredirectionsforhertokneelinfrontofme.Islidethecondomoff.Her

mouth goes on and I'm lost. Her tongue, her mouth works up and down my shaft. Her moan rattles my
spine.IhavetobitedownonmyliptokeepfromshoutingasIexplode.Hersuctionintensifiesaroundme
likeshe’stryingtodragouteverydrop.Iballmyhandinherhairtokeepherrightthefuckwheresheis.
Shefeelstoogood.Lookstoobeautifulwithhercheekshollowedandherlidshooded.

When I’m spent, she swirls her tongue around my head. I jerk back. I'm too sensitive for anything

more.Foramomentthere'sjustourheavybreathingfillingupthesilence.

Imeethergaze.Shecovershermouthwithherfingertips,ablushcoloringhercheeks.It’shereyes

gettingtome.Iwanttosinkintoherandtheemotionfillinguphergaze.It'shappiness.Pure.Idon'tthink
I'veeverexperiencedthatemotion.Satisfaction,excitement,yeah—happyasthoughI'mlight,Idon'thave
acareintheworldandcontentmentismymiddlename...?

Never,anddefinitelynotaftersex.
“What?”Irasp.Fearsinksitclawsintomychest.
“I—”Shedropsherhand.“Duke,thatwaskindofdirty.”Shesoundssoscandalized.
That'snotwhatIexpectedforhertosayandthelaughfallsoutbeforeIcancatchit.Anedgeofrelief

isprobablyonlynoticeabletome.“Notevenclose,Kennedy.ThatwasprettyPG.”

“PG?”Shelaughsnowtoo.
ThesoundslidesintomeandI’m...warm.I’mwantingtograbholdofherhappytoseeifitcansink

intometoo.That’scrazy.AndIcan’thelpbutfeelit.Ilaughagain.Ioffermyhandtohelpherstandup.
We'relaughingaftersex.Thisisodd,unsettling,andIcanonlythinkofoneculprit.

“Ithinkmaybewehadtoomuchtodrink.”
Shedropshergaze.“Maybe.”
Itrailmyfingeroverherchin.“Let'sgetyoudressed.”

Herattentionremainsfixedtothefloor.IdomybesttonotlooklikeIjustfuckedsomeoneonmy

desk.Mydeskcan'tdothesame.Papers,foldersandthelikeareshovedtotheedgeifnotonthefloor.In
notimewe,andmyoffice,appearpresentableandlike...thesexneverhappened.

ThisisaroundthetimeIrealizeshe’squiet.Thekindofquietthat’snotgoodwhenit’sawoman.I

pullherintomeandforcehertomeetmygaze.“Whenareyou—”

“Duke,”sherestsherhandsalongmine,“whatdidyoumeanbywehadtoomuchtodrink?”
Ifrown,unsurewherethislineofquestioningisgoing.“I’mlaughinglikeanidiot.”
Sheblinks.“Andyouseethatasabadthing?Laughingwithme?”
Istepintothespaceshe’sputbetweenus.“Ijustdon’tdoit.”
ShesighsasIbrushmythumbalongherbottomlip.“Whatdoyoudo?”
Itellherthetruth.“Ifuckuntilthewomanismindless.IfshecandoanythingafterI’mdonewithher,

thenI’vefailed.”

Herbreathcatches.“Andthenwhat?”
“What more is there?” I catch a handful of her hair and take another step so she can feel my cock

alongherstomach.I’mhardagainandmorethanreadytotakeherbacktomyplace.I’vegottenatasteof
herandIwantmore.Iwant...allofherinawaythatmakesmygutache.Iknowthecravingoflustand
whatever is digging at me goes deeper than that. I can’t...say that. Those are words...they’d make me
weak.

InsteadIsay,“Butlet’sbeclear,I’mnotsomefuckboy.Howabout—”
“Ithinkmaybeweshouldslowdown,”shegetsoutinarush.
Idropmyhand,tryingtoreadtheemotionflickeringoverherface.It’snotlust.Thatisgone.Wejust

hadsex,andherfaceisnothingbutpalecheeksandwideeyes.“Slowdown?”

Sheedgesawayfromme.It’samomenttoolatetorealizemywordscameoutlow,angry.Whatdid

sheexpect?Idon’tjustfuckanyoneatwork,inmyoffice.

“You’re...”Shetakesanotherstep.
“Sayit.”
“Duke...”
It’shardtobreathe.Iballmyhandsatmysidesandwaitforhertofinishtellingme,afterwejust

fucked,thatshenowhasdoubts.AndallIcanfeelisthewaymydickisstillwetfromhermouth.“Ifthis
isthepartwhereyoutellmewecanbefriends,skipit.Wewon’tbe.”

Shecrossesherarms.“Willyoulistentome?”
“Gorightahead.”Imovebacktothemydeskandgrabmybriefcase.
Now I won't bore anyone with the details. She calmly told me I was too intense and she hadn’t

expected me to be me. One day we could what-the-fuck-ever. After a few minutes of her giving me the
not-the-right-time speech, I kissed her and let her know fucking each other once was clearly more than
enough.Sheleftme.ShewalkedawaywhileIstoodtherewithaharddickandafoultemper.Andaching.

Thosearethefacts.
Asloppy,ham-fistedfuckledtoaspeech.That’showtheshitshowstarted.
Fast-forwardthreeyears.Wehavebothputourheadsdownandhaveworkedtowardourgoals.She

has her legal courier business. I'm junior partner at Lance and Chase, and one fucking step away from
seniorpartner.EverythingI'veworkedforinmylifeisrightthereinmygoddamnreach.

We're not lovers. We're not friends. I can't even say we're friendly. We're something fucked up in

between.

Mylifewasontherighttrack.Someassholeofabutterflyflappeditswing.
AllIknowforsureisthatmylifeisafuckingshitshownow.There'snotacornerofitIrecognize.

TheonlycommondenominatorisaredheadwithanassthatSatanhandcrafted.

I'llfindawaytofixmylife.

BeforeIdothough,Ijustwantitontherecordshebeggedforhard,morethanonce.

CHAPTERONE

“Fuckingpathetic,”Imutterandnarrowmygazeonthephone.
AphoneI'vepulledaboutsixinchesclosersoIcananswerfaster.It'salmostfiveatthelawfirm,

andthat'sallI'mdoing—glaringatthephoneonmydesk.

I'm not enjoying the view my corner office lends me. I'm not strutting around it, either. Though my

friends call my office the soulless cave, it's... sleek, modern. Black, white, glass, and metal makes up
mostoftheroomifyoudiscountthebookshelves.

Notthepoint.
AfterthewinIhadtoday,IshouldbewalkingaroundlikeIowntheplace.
I'mnot.
I'm a teenage girl waiting on her crush to ask her out to the prom, because the call from Preston

Lancehasn'tcome.

Shouldhaveknownbetterthantogetmyhopesup.Hopeisaheartlessbitch.Shemakesmefallfor

heragainandagain.ThatbitchdugherhooksintomewhenPrestonpersonallygavemeLoganMerch's
case. A senator's son literally got caught with his pants down in public and was slapped with a lewd
conductcharge.

Thiscasewasn'tjustimportanttothefirm,butIhadgotthedistinctimpressionitwasthecasethat

woulddecidewhetherornotIbecameseniorpartneratLanceandChase.

Merch'scasewasanimpossiblewin,butIcameoutofthecourtroomvictorious.Yetthelikelihood

ofthecallhappeningtodayisslimtononeasthehourgrowsolder.Ihavetoletitgo.IfIkeepsittinghere
waitinginhope...

Istopfightingthefrustrationandletitdigatme.Theemotioniswasteful.TheenergyIexpendbeing

annoyedIcouldbedoingsomethingproductive.Ihaveapreliminaryhearingnextweek.Ihavewitness
statementstogoover.Icannap.

Butit'sbettertoindulgethewaveofirritationthantaketheelevatortoPreston'soffice.Icounttoten

whileIcurlanduncurlmyfingersagainstmydeskastheaggravationslidesindeeper.

Wallowingisn'tgoingtohelp.Ihavetoleavetheoffice.Iscoopupthestackofmanilafoldersonmy

deskandpushoutfromthechair.Myparalegalisnothingshortofagoddess.Gwencancoverformefor
thenextthirtyminutesanddealwiththesefiles.

I stalk down the short hallway to her. My office sits on the second floor. From wall to floor are

modern lines that are both appealing and forgettable. Even the cubicles in the middle are nice. The
associatesandlegalsecretariesmakeupthebullpen.Thistimeofdaytheofficebuzzeswithedgyenergy.
IignoreitbecauseIhaveanendgoal—gettingthefuckoutofhere.

WhenI'mstandinginfrontofGwen’sdesk,Ismile.
Shefrownsatme.“Whatdoyouwant?”
Shecanseemybullshitfromamileaway.Thisiswhyweworkwelltogether.Still,Iputabitof

gravelinmytone.“Ican'tgreetyouhappily,Gwen?”

Gwen stands at five-three, weighs nothing, is maybe around thirty-six, and she’s a natural blonde.

She's sturdy, mentally, which is why she's survived working for me for so long. At the moment she's
glaringatmelikeshe'stheIncredibleHulk.

Idon'tletmysmilewaver.“Gwen.”
“Don'tusethatvoiceonme.”
Shecaughtthat.“Whatvoice?”I'mstillusingit.
“Theoneyouuseonallthefemalelegalsecretaries,especiallywhenyou'reaskingthemforfavors.”
I think back to the last time I asked the Sec for anything. They’ve told me more than once I'm that

wholetall,dark,andhandsomethingandtheSecfawnsovermebecauseofit.

That particular day I had on a three-piece suit. Some of the women played with the buttons on my

vestandIletthem.Fuck,IthinkIevenusedcharm.Havingsexthenightbeforehelpedtoo.Mymoodhad
been upbeat and patient with the pointless flirting, because no matter how tempting, one does not fuck
membersoftheSec.

Thefresh-facedco-edsincalendaring?Goforit.Anyoneinaccounting?Haveagoddamnfieldday.

Otherattorneys?Fuckuntilyou'rehalfdead.TheSec,andhelltheparalegals,areoff-limits.Younever
know when you'll need someone who can type one-hundred and twenty-five wpm or more. Women are
lesslikelytodoyouafavorifyoufuckedthemover.

Nowthefavoratthetime?I'dneededthemtodigupsomedirtonasweet,littleoldschoolteacher.

She'dID'dmyclientasthearmedrobberataMom-and-Popstore.Ineededhertohaveadarkpastand
castsomedoubtonhercharacter.

I'lljustsaytheeightieswereinteresting,andcocaineisahelluvadrug.
Besidethepoint.Gwenknowstherealme,sortof.Charmandthevoiceisawastedeffort.
Idropthemanilafoldersonherdesk.“I'mleaving.Dealwiththis.”
“Nowdidthathurt?”
Ismiledespitetheshitmoodbrewingunderthesurface.“Yes.ForasecondIalmostsaid'please.'”
Shepushesherbangsoutofhereyes.“Yourmothercalledagain.”
Carefully,Isay,“I'llreachouttomorrow.”
“Shesounded...urgent.”
“IwillcallherwhenIcan.”IstareatGwenuntilhergazeskatesawayfrommine.
Iletthequietsayeverything.Amomentpasses,andthenshesitsupalittle.Icanpracticallyhearher

sighofreliefasinterestlightsinherbrowneyes.

“Kennedy,”shewhisperslowenoughonlyIcanhear.
Fuck.
Gwen pulls the files closer and does her best to appear uninterested with our unexpected guest. I

bracemyself.

“Duke,you'regoingtohell.”Herhusky,femininevoiceslidesintome,warmsmeandremindsmeI

haven'thadsexinawhile.“Youknowthat,right?”

“GettheAndersonfileforme,”IsaytoGwen.
I don't need to look at the Anderson case for at least a month. I just don't want her here for this

conversation. She's nosy and she meddles. Gwen doesn't understand Kennedy is off-limits for so many
goddamnreasons,andittakesallmyconcentrationtokeepitthatway.

Gwen’smouthpinches,butshenods.“I'llgetthefile,boss.”
Igiveherafour-secondleewaybeforeIreplytoKennedy.“Areyouheretopickupsomething?Or

haveyoumissedgivingmeunsolicitedlifeadvice?”

IfinallyfaceKennedy.
Tworedspotspaintherpalecheekbonesandmakethefrecklesthatdecoratethetipofhernosestand

out.Todayshe'sdraggingadollyandthatmeansshe'sdeliveringonseveralfloors.She'swrangledher
hairintoabunforthehardwork.

Shestillpreferstowearjeans,noveltyshirtsandscruffytennisshoes.She'smoreofaknockout,if

that'sevenpossible.Iwanttodevoureverythingabouther.Youarewhatyoueat,right?I'mcurioustosee
whatI'dbeafter.

Sherestsherhandonthedolly'shandle.“Icamebytodropoffsomestuff.”Shepauses.“Andtolet

youknowI'myourcourtrunnerforthenextmonthorso.”

Hell.“Why?Don'tyouhavemorethanoneemployee?”Ibiteout.
“I'mnotsureifyou'venoticed,butMarleneisninemonthspregnant.”
I'dnoticed,andevensentasizablegiftcardfromBabiesRUstoher,butthisisourgame.Sheneeds

metobethebadguy,andit'stooeasyformetoplayhim.“WhichoneisMarlene?”

She shakes her head as though I've disappointed her. Again. “She's been your court runner for a

year.”

Fourteenmonths,ifshewantstobetechnical.“Oh.”
“JustwhenIthinkyoucanbeadecenthumanbeing...”
Kennedykeepsexpectingmetobeabetterman,akinderone.ThenI'llbesafe.Thenshecanfuckme

toherheart'scontent.

Yeah. That startling realization came to me five minutes after I stopped being irritated about the

brush-off.WhichtookafewmonthsandcountlessexchangeswhereshelookedatmelikeIwassomething
tobepunchedorfucked.Orbothatthesametime.

ThreeyearsandI’mstill“toointense.”I'mnevergoingtobesafe.Iwillrespecttheboundarysheput

betweenusandplaywithinthoseconfines.Wereshetoloseherheadagain,getcloseenoughformetoput
mymouthonher,I'mgoingtoswallowherwholewithoutremorse.‘Causefuckingheroncewasenough
formetoknowIwantedtodoitagainandagainandagain.

Iclaspmyhandsinfrontofmycockasareminderthatshehasn'tgivenmethego-ahead.“Whathave

Itoldyouabouthope?”

“It'sabitchthatwillnutpunchyouifyouletit.”
“Maybeonedayyou'llbelieveme.Now,whatareyoudroppingoff?”
SheasksmetosignatleastfivepapersbeforesettingaboxofdocumentsonGwen'sdesk.Shealso

makesapointtoletmeknowshewantsherpenback—aconstantcomplaintfromher.Apparentlypeople
alwaysstealherpens.It’safixationwithher.Ican’ttellthedifferencefromtheonesshelovesandthe
onesweuseintheoffice.

Either way, I make sure to hand her back her pen with a flourish after I’m done. Technically, our

exchange is over. We should go our separate ways, but she leans against the desk and pushes her dolly
upright.

“Ihearcongratulationsareinorder.Youfreedtwocriminalsthisweek—onebeingasoul-sucking

pieceofshit.”

Iscoff.She'snottalkingaboutthesenator'sson.CallingDarrenLoweskiacriminalislikebelieving

youcansurviveavoyagetothesun—it'sadangerousunderstatement.“WhatdoyouknowaboutDarren?”

“He'sakingpin.Arealone.IfIseehimanywhereIshouldrunintheotherdirection.”
Assheshould.“Hehadhisdayincourtandwalkedawayafreeman.”
“It'sbullshit.Webothknowhebelongsbeneaththejail.”
I tilt my head at her vehemence. Times like this I wish I had her investigated. Maybe she'd make

moresensetome.“Iwassupposedtoletmyclientgotojailbecausehe'sabadguy?”

“You'resupposedtohavesomekindofguiltthathe'sgoingtogobackoutthereanddorealharm.”
‘Supposedto’livesinthesameplaceas‘should’and‘hope’asfarasI'mconcerned.What'sright

andfairhasverylittletodowithreality.“Asafreelanceryoucansitonahighhorseandmeteoutfeel-
goodjusticethatdoesn'thaveanyrealworldramifications.”

Sheputsherhandsonherhipsandstepsintome.“WhatIdoisimportant.Thewheelsofjusticecan't

turnifthere'snoonetofileyourpaperwork.I'mprettysuretherewassomeonelikemewhotaughtyou
howtofilloutasubpoena.”

That'savaliddig.Ispentthreeyearsofmylifelearningaboutlegaltheories.Ihadtheloanpayments

toproveit.Beingabletoargueacaseoffactsdoesn'tnecessarilyhelpyoufilloutaTROorteachyou
howtonavigatethelocalcourt’swebsitetodownloadthepaperwork.

“Never said what you did wasn't important. I'm saying your argument is a cop-out.” I hold up my

finger and stretch to my full height. “You worked for Lance and Chase. Then you left to start your own
legalcourierservice.Howlongdidyougowithoutbenefitsorsecuritywhileyourloftyidealskeptyou

fed?”

Shestuffsherhandsintoherbackpocketsandshrugs.“Notthatlong.”
Probably.Sheleftwithashitloadofconnectionsandwell-wisherswhoputtheirmoneywheretheir

mouthwasandinvested.“Lastquestion.”

She's close enough I can breathe her in. Lilacs instead of lavender, but still the spice of cinnamon

lingersinthespaceshestolefromme.

“Mostimportant.”Myvoiceisgruff.
“Shoot.”
“Where'sthechallenge?”
Shemakesaface,becausewebothknowhowsmartsheis.Herworkkeepsthewheelsturning.She's

damngoodatit,butshecanbeaparalegaloranattorney.

“Runningmyownbusinesssothatitdoesn'ttankintothegroundisthechallenge.”
I tsk at the bullshit answer. “You do it so you never have to swallow your pride if someone is

actuallyguilty.Youstayonthefringestokeepyourhandsclean.”

Herchindrops,andIknowmywordshavehittheirmark.“Thenwhatisityoudo?”
“I defend my clients to the best of my ability.” I raise a brow at her. “But, thank you, for the

congratulations.Ajuryofmyclient'speersfoundhimnotguilty.”

“Iseeyoudidn'tsayhe'sinnocent.”
'Causehe'snot.Hedideveryvilethingtheychargedhimwith.AllIhadtodowaslookthemanin

his eyes to know that. Discussing that with her crosses a line even for me. “I find that innocent is a
debatablewordwithanyone.”

“AndI'mavirgin.”
Mygazedropstohermouth.Full,pink,andsometimesIcan'thelpbutrememberhowsofttheyfelt

aroundmycock.“Couldhavefooledme.”

Iknow.Isaidallthatshitaboutrespectingherboundaries.Ididn'tsayIwasperfect.
Sheblushesagain,pullingherhandsfromherpocketstore-situateherdolly.“I'mgoingtosaythis,

andIknowyou'renotgoingtolisten.”

Irollwiththeobviouschangeofsubject.“I'mallearswithyou.”
“Iheareverythingthatisgoingonintheoffice.It'sthewholebeseenandnotheardthing.”
“Okay,”Isaynowwarywherethisconversationisgoing.
“Everything.”
Inarrowmygaze.“Andwhathaveyouheard?”
Hersighislongandsoundsfrustrated.“I'lljustsayyoushouldkeepyourhandstoyourselfwhenit

comestoSheila.”

Myinsidesturntoice.
SheilaisPrestonLance'slegalsecretary.Hecorralseveryoneinthecriminaldepartment.Shehelps

him do that. She's usually dressed like a school marm—the bun, the glasses, the demure pants suit
sketches out that image. All she needs is a brooch and a purity ring to round out her appearance as
wholesome.Iknowshe'snot.

Weranintoeachotheratmyfavoritenightclubafewweeksago.Fadeiswherepussyseemstorain

fromtheceilingifyoubothertolookup.

So Sheila, Fade, and I collided a few weeks back. She had looked fuckably delicious with her

blondecurlsfreeandablackdresspaintedon.Myneckhadbeentiltedbackthatnight,butshe'snotjust
partoftheSec,she'stheboss'slegalsecretary.

Fucking her isn't just reckless, it's downright career suicide. I don't have time for anything but a

bootycall.Shehasfuck-me-love-mewrittenalloverher.

Imanagedtoputheroffthatnight.She'sbeenfindingreasonstocomedownfromthefourthfloorto

thesecondtoflirtwithme.AllIcanfigureisthatshe'ssufferingfromasuddenthirstandI'mherdrinkof
choice.

She'sgoingtodiefromdehydration.
Soverycautious,IaskKennedy,“Wannaelaborate?”
Shesquintsupatme.“IfIwereaguy,I'dkeepmydicktomyself.”
That'svagueatbest.Icupherchinandforcehertolookmeintheeye.“Why?”
Kennedyblinksashernostrilsflare.“Youalreadyfuckedher,didn'tyou?”
Shedoesn'tgettoaskmewhoIsleepwith,andthatmeanstheendofthisexchangeforme.“Isthat

allyouneededformetosign?”Myvoiceisgruffagain.It'snotanact,andit'snotallanger,either.

Hertonguefeathersoverherbottomlip.“Yes,”shebreathes.
Idropmyhand,thoughI'mtemptedtoslipmythumbintohermouthtoseewhatshedoes.I'malways

tempted to see what she might do if I push her boundaries when she looks at me like this. Like she’s
waitingformetobiteher.

“Well...I'mheadingout.TellGwentocallmeifthere'sanemergency.”
“You'releaving?”ShesoundslikeIjustaskedhertostripnaked.“Early?”
“Isthataproblemforyou,too?”
Shesighs.“You'resopissytoday.You'reusuallyfuntoarguewith.”
“AmI?”Isnapandproveherpoint.
“Preston's been in meetings all day.” Her voice and gaze is soft. “Tomorrow, too, from what I've

heard.That'swhyhehasn'tcalledyou.”

Shedoesn'twaitforathanks.OrevenforGwentocomeback.Kennedyleavesthosewordsasher

partingshot.

I'dbealiarifIsayIdidn'twatchherstrutaway.
Ithenhavetomuttertomydick,“Downboy.”
That kind of works. The fact she knew why I'm gritting my teeth and starting arguments where I

could...that’swhyIwanttodevourher,pushherboundaries.

Whatdoessheseewhenshelooksatme?IfIcantastethat,takeitin,andlookatthosefactswitha

cold,assessinggaze...

ButI'vedonemybesttonotslipintomypredatorskinandpursueKennedytogetanswers.Whatever

she saw in me years ago made her run. It's also tempted her time and again. That's not ego or wishful
thinking. If Kennedy wanted nothing to do with me, I would have never seen her again. We wouldn't
occasionallyholddebatesoutsidemyoffice.

And because of that wispy knowledge she's running, resisting whatever pull I have on her, I have

raremomentsof...chivalry?Humanity?Idon'tknow.Idecidetobethegoodguyandnotchaseher.

Everynowandagainthoseinstinctstocrouchlow,pickupherscent,anddomyownversionofthe

wildhuntgut-punchme,mockme,callmestupid,andoveralltreatmelikeahumiliationwhore.

ThankfullytherearesomethingsthatkeepmeincheckandremindmeIhavealifeoutsideofthat

small,specifichungerforher.Shit,I'monlyremindedofaKennedy-sizedcravingeveryfewweeksorso
whenwecollideatworkinpassing.

Nowshe'sgoingtobemycourtrunnerforamonth.Ijusthavetogritmyteethandsurvivealmost

dailyinteractions.

Beingagoodguy.
Ineedtowashthetasteofthatfuckeroutofmymouth—mysystem.Ipulloutmyphoneandtextmy

friendsFade.Tonight.Roundsonme.

CHAPTERTWO

I'matthebarwaitingforTarekandNatetoshowtheirfaces.ThoughifImissmyfriendsinpassing,

that'smorethanfine.It'sWednesday.Ladies’Night.Theplaceispacked.Titsandlegsareonfulldisplay
fromwalltowall.IfImissmyfriendsinpassingthat'smorethanfine.It'sapussybuffet,andIcamewith
abibandanappetite.

Let me fully paint the picture. Fade has strobe lights, and on occasion, a smoke machine. The DJ

neverplaysashitsongandthatmeansbodiesarealwaysonthefloor,grindingintoeachother.Ateleven
theair'sthickfromsweat—pheromonestoo.Theyhavetwofloors.Thesecondholdscouchesandtables
forpeopletodrinkandrelax.Along,darkhallwayleadstoaVIProombutthat'snotmyscene.

I do a quick scan and my gaze stops on familiar cleavage surrounded by blond curls. A red dress

clingstoafuckablydeliciousbody.

Shit.
There'snoroomtoslidedownthebarandgetoutofdodgewhileIcan.Sheilaiswalkingtoward

me,andsheisgoingtofuckupmynight.Ijustknowit.

I get the proof ten seconds later. Her hand caresses my shoulder then her mouth is against my ear.

“Mr.Alexander,didn'texpecttoseeyouhere.Andyou'reinjeans.”

I flinch, but she's already sliding between me and the counter, adding a wiggle that makes her tits

bounce.Ihavenodoubtshewantstocrawlupmydickandspinonitforafewhours.

Why?Don’tknow.Don’tcare.Herwantingtofuckmeisn’tmyproblem,butItrytobecordialsince

she’smyboss’ssecretary.

“ItoldyoutocallmeDuke.”
Shepressesahandtomychestandthenthatappendageridesdownmytorso.Shestopsatmybelt

buckle.“Alexanderiswhateveryonecallsyouatwork,and...”Sheliftstothetipofhertoestowhisperin
myearagain.“Ilikeit.”

TheassumptioninthissituationisthatI'maman.Mydickmustbeharderthangranite.I'mgoingto

listentoit,andletmycockleadmearoundlikeachump.Sure,I'msportingawood.Abeautifulwoman
withgreatbreastsandaneasysmilejustrubbedagainstme.

And,yeah,I'mhornyasshit.Icouldprobablyfuckaholeincement.So,cementorSheila?I'dchoose

theformereverytime.Idon'tneedthiscomplicationinmylife.

I have a few choices here. I can be brutally honest with her. That's my favorite option. She won't

throwherpussyatmeeveragain.

IcanalsotellthelieIhavesomekindofdickfungus.SomethinglikethatwouldgetbacktotheSec

though.Notevenmycharmcouldgetfavorsdoneafterthatliemakesitsrounds.

Herhandslipslower.
OnlyforaseconddoIconsiderlettingherstrokemycockuntilsomeonemuchmoresuitablecomes

along.

What?Ahandjobisn'tsex,ifyouwanttobetechnical.
But,no.No.Noteventhat.
Sigh.Brutalhonestyitis.
Ileandownsoshecanheareveryword.“Sheila,I'mlookingforsomeonetofucktonight.Thekind

of sex that starts with her trying to swallow my cock whole. If she's good at that, I'll eat her until she
comesatleastthreetimes.Fromthere,thingsaregoingtogetfun.Whenwe'redone,I'llpayhercabfare
and never think about her again. I can't do that with you. Tomorrow I'm going to see you at the office.
Unlessyou'replanningtoresign,getyourhandoffmydick.”

Tomysurprise,shestrokesmycockthroughmyjeans.“Youcan'tmakeanexception,Alexander?”
Myjawclenches.Fucknope.Ipushherhandaside.“Sorry.Thosearemyrulesandwhenyoufuck

methat'swhatyouplayby.”

Sheleansagainstthebar,undeterred.InthatmomentIknowthetypeofpersonsheis.Sheilawasthe

child who was told no and badgered her parents, everyone, until they caved. She pouts and I guess it's
supposedtobesexy.

Ireallydon'twanttousethenuclearoption,butitlookslikeI'mgoingtohaveto.“Didyoucome

herealone?”

She names off at least six members of the Sec then makes a face. “And for some reason Jessie

invitedKennedy.”

Myheartbeatkicksup.“Where?”
Sheglancesbehindme.“Heretheycome.IguessItooktoolonggettingtheirdrinks.”Shegivesmea

coysmile.“Iwasdistracted.”

She's saying this and I'm craning my neck to see behind me. Kennedy's wearing ankle boots, tight

jeansandalow-cutshirt.Anecklacedanglesbetweenherbreasts.Herhairisfreeandcurly.

Themostinterestingthingtonote:Herjawlineistaut,hereyesarenarrowed,andIcandamnnear

seeherthoughtshernostrilsaresoflared.Hereyesmightaswellbegreen.

IjustmightthankSheilaforputtingthatjealousexpressiononKennedy'sface.Still,Itaketwosteps

tothelefttogetmypersonalspaceback.Elton,thebartender,makeshiswayovertome.I'mniceenough
tosharemyorderwithSheilaandpayforeveryone'sdrinks.

Aswewait,Kennedysqueezesinnexttome.Ianglemybodytowardher,andsheflickshergazeto

SheilawhoIcanalmostfeelbreathingdownmyneck.Likelyangeratthebrushoff.ProbablyhopingI’ll
payattentiontoheragain.

Notmyproblem.
I bend down to Kennedy’s ear. She’ll be able hear me over the music. And I can smell her.

Delicious.“Whatasurprisetoseeyouhere.”

“SoIwasright.Youarefuckingher.”
“No.”
Sheedgesbackandrollshereyes,sosureI'mthebadguyandI'mlying.
Ilaugh.“Didn'tknowyoucaredsomuchaboutwhoIdidordidn'tsleepwith.”
“Everythingaside,andit'salotwithyou,you'reanamazingattorney.Notasinglemoraltobefound,

butdamnedgoodatwhatyoudo.Fuckingherisstupidandreckless.It'snotlikeyou.”Sheglancesdown
andsighs.

“Oh,youknowmesowell,Kennedy?”
SomeemotionIcan’tnameflashesbehindhereyes.“Enoughtoknowyou’dfuckherover.”
“IlearnedmylessontonotfuckpeopleIworkwith.”
SheinhalesandIwouldswearshemutters,“Thenwhat’sstoppingyou?”
Islideclosertoher,mybodyflushtoherfront.“Whatdidyousay?”
“Iseeyourmoodhasn’timproved.”
“Iwastryingtoremedythatbeforeyouguysambushedme.”
Shetwirlsthecokeinherglassthenglancesatme.“Dowhatyouwant.You’reabigboy.”
“WhatIwant?”Atleastthreethingscometomindandallthreeendswithuscoming.
Likeshe’sreadmymind,Kennedyshiftsandherlegbrushesmine.Idragmythumbalonghercheek,

down her neck until I can free the necklace from between her breasts. I tug on the jewelry to test its
strength. It’s too flimsy for one of the three things that crossed my mind. I drop my hand, my knuckles
scrapagainsthermiddle.Hernipplespressagainsthershirt.Hermouthparts.

Ileanback.“WhatIwantistofindsomeonetofuck.”
“Haveyoubeendrinking?”
“No.Why?”

Shelooksovermyshoulderandhermouthpinches.“Nothing.Justdon’tberecklesstonightorany

night.”

“Unlessyou’regoingtohoponmydick,stopworryingwhereImightputit.”
Shehuffs.“You’resuchanasssometimes.”
“Whatareyoutalkingabout?I’marayofsunshine.”
She laughs then shifts her gaze to the club. Mine goes back down her body. She’s dressed for

fun...Myjawclenches.“It’sbeenniceandeverything….”

Shelooksatmeandherhandgoestothenecklace.“Iknowwereallyhaven’ttalkedinawhile.”
MymusclescoilandIwait.“Yeah?”
“Iknowyourfa—”
“Stoprightthereandmovethefuckon.”Ihadn'tfeltmytemperriseupbeforeitlashedout,andI'm

tooblindedtostoptheroarofitinmyhead.Iedgeforwarduntilwe'reeyetoeye.“You'renotafriendor
alover.You'resomeoneIseearoundoccasionally.”

Hercheeksareflush.“Whenareyougoingtolearnyoudon'tscaremewithyourbark?”Sheliftsher

chininashowofbravado.

Her scent drifts up to me and the hot, sharp temper that's choking me loosens its hold. Why that's

comforting,Ican'tbegintounderstand.Idon’tevengetwhyIjusttriedtoripherheadoff.

Shesighsandreachesuptotouchme.She’lltellmeshe’ssorryaboutthedeathofmyfather.Idon’t

wantit.Notfromher.

I grab my drink and walk away. My blood continues to pound against my temples. The bodies

grindingintoeachotherbumpintomeasItrytomakemywayasfarasIcanacrosstheclub.WhenI’m
clear on the other side, I breathe and remember why I’m at Fade—to find someone to fuck out my
frustration.It’smounted.Ican’tseemtowipethescowloffmyfacethough.ThelongerIstandthere,the
worsemyhuntforpussygets.

Aftertwentyminutes,Igiveupandheadtomycar,myfoulmoodashadow.Myphonebuzzes.It's

Tarek.

T:WhereRU?
D:Headedhome2bed.
T:FuckingGrandma.Night.
T:U?
D:Homebound.
T:FuckingGrandma.
T:NbroughtR.Theyaredryhumpinginpublic.
Ilaugh.Ican'tdoanythingelse.Nateisthelastpersonanyonewould,hell,couldseesettlingdown.

IncomparisontohimI'madownrightBoyScout/Saint.Hefoundawomanwillingtomarryhim.

My laugh dies away. I inspect the emotion that's digging into me. Smells and tastes like jealousy.

That'snewandunsettling.

WhatcanIdoaboutit?Nothingbutwallowandthat'snotanoption.Ihadhopedtofindsomeoneand

thenfucktheirbrainsout.That'salsonotanoptionanymore.LikealwaysI'mgoingtohavetopourmy
frustrationintowork.It'saconstant.Workneverletsmedown.It'sacoldcomfort.Iembraceit.

*****

Myintercombuzzes.“Mr.Lancewantstoseeyou.”
IsaywitheverybitofcalmIhaveleft,“Thankyou,Gwen.”
“Thankyou?I'mscarednow.”
I end the call and grin. Since the Merch win, I've waited two thousand and eighty minutes to hear

thosewords.Yeah,I'vespentthesameamountstewinginanepiclevelofwhatthefuckismylife?Intwo
thousandandeightyminutes,I'veyettocomeupwithananswer.

Doesn'tmatternow.Prestonwantsmeinhisofficetohavethetalk.Mynervesjackuptoaten,andI

letthatrolloverme.Iknewthiswasinevitablethough.It'swhyI'matLanceandChase.

NottomentionDarrenactuallycalledthatmorningtopersonallythankmeagainforgettinghisass

outofafix.GwenstoodbywithagrinasItooktheaccolades.MostlybecauseItoldherI'dpayforlunch
ifDarrenhadamomentofhumanity.I'mpayingfordinnerafterthisbecauseshedeservesitforputtingup
withme.

Irolldownmysleevesandslipintomyjacket.I'mready.Beenbornready.Istepoutofmyoffice

andthere'snoGwenatherdesk.Ithinknothingofit.Lexus-Nexushasbeenrunningslow—I'mimpatient
when working—so I've had her on the run to pull up files and library books for two days. She's been
returningthemasoftenasshecan.

But when I see three members of the Sec near the elevator and they barely greet me, I know

somethingisup.

I enter the elevator and chew on what it could be. Their reaction can't have anything to do with

Preston.Itcan't.AsthedoorclosesItrytorememberiftheylookedatmycrotchornot.

Sheilagotmorethanahandfulattheclub.ShecouldhaverelayedthattotheSec.Twodaysislong

enoughforthegrapevinetobuzz.

I sigh. The elevator doors open to the fourth floor. Sheila, as always, is guarding Preston's inner

sanctum.Hermouthpincheswhensheseesme,theonlysignshe’sstillpissedaboutwhathappenedinthe
club.

Amomentlatershesays,“Youcangorightin,Alexander.”
I nod in acknowledgment. I hold my breath when I don't see the two other senior partners in the

office.Theyrarelyleavetheirdepartments—employmentandfamilylaw.Corporateandcivilareanother
branchontheothersideoftownandhasitsownhierarchy.

It'sjusthimandme.
Myfirstthought?Fuck.Secondthought?Fuckme.
Prestonusuallygivesmewarm,genialsmilesasthoughI'mhisfavoritechildandthat'stheonlyway

hecanletmeknow.Itworksbecausehe'sinhismid-to-latesixtieswithcurly,grayinghair.

Yet we both know he's a shark under that grandpa skin. When I came to him six years ago the

understandingwasthatI'dbeonthefasttracktoseniorpartner.He'dgettheAlexanderwhowassupposed
tocontinuethelegacyofAlexanderandAssociates.Mybillablehoursareimpressive.Idon'tjustbringin
newclients,Iretaintheheavyhitters.

That’swhyhiscurrentexpressionistroublingatbest.Hisbrowsareslasheddownandhisshoulders

aretense.

“Afternoon,Preston.”
“Have a seat.” He rests his clasped hands on a folder. The spine is color-coded and has both

numbersandletters.It'samurderfile.

Isettleinacrossfromhim.“What'sgoingon?”
“I'vealwayslikedthatyoucuttothechaseanddon’tpussyfootaround.I'lldothesameforyou.Greg

andDanielareonthefenceaboutyou.Theyprefersomeonemore...seasoned.”

That's a valid concern. Most senior partners are well over fifty, and that means long, successful

careers.Andmoneytobuyintoafirmwithoutgoingbankrupt.

“Isee.”That'sthekindofnon-answerItellmyclientstogive.
Hespreadshishands.“Iknowthisisn'twhatyouwanttohear.”
I'mdoingmybesttoholdontomyoutwardcalm.I'msittingherenottalkingaboutmyimpossiblewin

fromafewdaysago.I'mnottalkingabouttheloyaltyI'vehadtothefirmforsixyears.ThefactIletthem
poachmefromrightundermyfather.HadIbeenalittlelessstubborn,AlexanderandAssociateswould
bemorethanhealthycompetitionbutanactualthreattoLanceandChance'sbottomline.

Why?
1.Ididn'tgetouragreementinwritingwithdefinedtermsandatimelimit—newbiemove.
Lessongoddamnlearned.
2. I made a decision when I was...emotional, weak. My father and I just had it out and I

was...emotional,weak.

Anger,disgust,andfuckingexhaustionrushintome.Iflipthroughtheemotionsandfilethemaway

forlaterbecausetheywon'tdomeanygoodnoworever.

Igesturetohisdesk.“Andthefolder?”
“Thisisafavor.Probonocase.Twenty-year-oldkidcaughtoveradeadbody.”
Wehaveadepartmentthatdealswiththosecases.Ournumbergetspulledandwehandleprobono

casesafewtimesayear,inpartnershipwiththelocalcourthousetohelplow-incomeresidentswhoneed
legalrepresentationforvariousreasons.

Thisissomethingdifferent.“Whoishetoyou?”
“Mynephew.”
Nothing else needs to be said. He's the one partner in my corner, and that makes me his bitch if I

wantit.Idothisforhimandhe'llmakethepartnershiphappen.

IpushoutabreathandholdPreston'sgaze.“Isyournephewinlockup?”
“Iinterceded.Theywerequestioninghimasapersonofinterest.I'vehadSheilaputtogetherallthe

details.”

Giventhekindofevidencethepolicemightalreadyhave,anarrestcanhappenatanymoment.“I'll

beonthisfortherestoftheday.”

“Good.”
We stare at each other for another moment in complete understanding. Partnership is off the table

untilIcanprovemyloyalty,asthoughalltheseyearsIhaven't.

Mythroatsqueezestightwithanger.IfIdon'tswallowit'sgoingtochokemeblind.Tobefair,the

lowsimmerofragehasverylittletodowithPrestonandeverythingtodowithhowmanytimesI'vedealt
withthissituation.Thebarisset.Iexceedit.Stillnotfuckinggoodenough.Ihavetosqueezeabitmore
bloodoutofme.WhogivesafuckifI'monthebrinkofdeath—justanotherdrop.

Again,andfuckingagainandagainI'mremindedthatI'mDukeAlexander.Ican'tbeweak.I'llnever

be good enough. I need to leave the office before I flip over Preston's desk and tell him where he can
shovehisoffertobeinmycorner.

Headds,“Gladwehadthistalk.”
Idon'treply.Can'ttrustwhateverwordsmightfalloutofmymouth.Ileavehisofficeandthefourth

floor.NoonemakesanattempttospeaktomeasIstridebackdowntomyoffice.

Gwen sits at her desk but I ignore her. She could have given me a heads up. Paralegals and legal

secretaries gossip like it's an Olympic sport. She's likely known since this morning I was about to get
fuckedwithoutlube.

Iretrievemycarkeysandbriefcase.WhenIstalkbackout,shelooksatme,guiltclearonherface.If

anyonewantstosayshittythingsaboutme,they'lllikelybetellingthetruth.Iammanyunsavorythings,
butIamloyal.Sure,IwouldsendhertoTimbuktutogetmeamysticalfileifshe'sannoyingme.Yetif
Gwenneedsmetobackher,Iwillwithoutquestion.

Icancountononehand—Iinhale,deeplytocontrolthesharp,uglyemotionswantingtoknifetheir

wayout.Thinkinglikethiswon'tgetthejobdone.

“I'llbegonetherestoftheday,”Itellher.
Sheflinchesatmyflattone.“Duke,yourmothercalledagain.”
I scratch at my forehead. My mother, Madison Heather Alexander, calls a lot lately, wanting to

commiserate,needingtotalk.Herlifehadbeenmyfather,hisbusinessdinnersandbeingtheperfectwife

to an attorney. I don't hate my mother, but I can't help her. I can't bring myself to speak the comforting
platitudesforthemanwhodonatedhalfofmyDNA.Hewastheonewhogavemetherustyknifeandtold
metocutoutanythingbutambitionandloyalty.

Don'tconfusethatstatementasblameforanyofmyproblems.Imademyselfinhisimageanddidn't

like the man who looked back. That's when things went to shit between us. I didn't know the man who
died,andtheonebeforethatwasn'tamanyou'dsayreallylovedhisfamilywithoutmeasure.

ThelastthinganyoneneedsisformymothertocupmycheekandremindmehowmuchIlooklike

him,couldstillbehim.

Definitelynotrightnow.
“Iwilldealwiththattomorrow.TodayIhaveacase.Preston'snephew,butI'msureyouknewthat.”
Shebreaksthestare,andIknowI'mright.
“Ihavemycellifanythingurgentcomesup.”
Withnothingmoretosay,Iheadouttomeetmyprobonoclient.MaybewordhasgottenoutthatI

didn'tgetthepartnershipbecauseIgetoutofthebuildingwithoutanyonespeakingtome.

It could also be I probably have an expression that says I have murdered someone with my bare

handsandallIneedisonefuckingwordtodoitagain.

Eitherway,I'mleftunmolested.
UntilI'moutonthesteps.
“Duke,slowdown.”
Yup.Youguessedit.Ahuskyfemininevoice.I'mstartingtobelieveKennedyhasahomingsignalthat

alertsherwhenI'mactuallyexperiencingemotions.

I don't know but I'm tired of her timing at this point. I keep barreling my way to my car. It's three

blocksfromtheofficesincebythetimeIleftcourtthatmorningmyusualplacehadnoroomleft.

Ihittheunlockbuttononceit'sinsight,butatugatmysuitjacketstopsme.Yeah,she'sfollowedme

allthreeblocks.

“Whatdoyouwant?”IgetoutbeforeIseeher.
Holyshit.
NowIdidmentionI'veknownherforyears?Wehadsexonmydesk?Yeah.InallthattimeIhave

never seen her in a dress. Why would she wear one? She spends her days literally running court
documentstolawfirmsandthecourthouse.Inapinch,shecannotarize.Shemakesakillingfromproofof
services alone. That kind of work only requires shirts, pants and shoes. Not black fuck-me-heels and a
darkgreendressthat'swearingher.

Herhipsandtitsaretofuckingdieforandthat'sbeforeIgettoherhairandface.
“Whatdidyoudotoyourself?”ThewordsareoutofmymouthbeforeIcanvetthem.
Thewindpicksupafewstrandsofherredhair.She'sglaringatmelikeshewantstopoundmeinto

dirtandIcan'tutteranything.

“Duke,youmakeitreallyhardtocareaboutyou,butI'llforgiveyou.Thewayyou'relookingatme

letsmeknowI'mreadyformydatetonight.It'safirstdate.”

Thatknocksmeoutofmystunnedstupor.“Date?Who?”Iwavemyhandbecausethat'sanon-issue.

“Youcan'tgoonadatedressedlikethat.That'sathird-date,you-can-fuck-medress.”

“I'mgoingtostopcaringagain.”
“Youfollowedmeforthreeblocks.You'renotgoinganywhere.Whatdate?”
Shecrossesherarmsandthatmakeshertitsfightforspaceatthelongv-neckline.
Ican'ttalktoherwhenshe'sdressedlikethis.“Ihavetogo.”
ShesmilesbecauseI'msureshe'sawareI'mthrownoffmygame.“Colininaccounting.”
Icouldn'thaveheardhercorrectly.“Colin?Mid-lifecrisisColin?”Shenods.“No.Youcan'tdothat

toyourself.”

“Ishouldn'tdateamanwhocanaffordatrickedoutsixty-sevenMustang?”
“MenwhodrivetrickedoutMustangshavelittledicks.”
“AndyourSUVthat'sneverbeenoffroadisn'tareflectionofyourmanhood?”
“Kennedy,Isometimeswonderifyoulikemetosayobscenethingstoyou.Ifyouwant,though,we

cantalkaboutmyco—”

“You'renotlackinginthatdepartment,”shepushesoutandblushes.“Soyoucan'tassumeColinhasa

littleprick.”Sheseemstorealizetheconversationwe’rehavingandshakesherhead.“I'mnotgettinginto
thiswithyou.Ihavetogo.”

Igraspherarmandpullherback.“Whendidheaskyouout?”
Hergazetrailsuptomine.“Yesterday.SomethingwenthaywirewithmypaymentandIhadtopick

upacheck.He'snice.”

“He'sboring.Whereishetakingyou?”
“Trelio.”
That'sagreatplaceformarriedcoupleswithkids.Alittleontheupscaleside.Definitelynotaplace

totakeKennedywhenshehasonadressthatisprivilegedtotoucheverycurveshehas.“Whattimeisthe
date?”

“Inanhour.IhavesomeerrandstorunbeforeImeethimthere.”
“Nope.”IjerkmythumbtowardmySUV.“Getinthecar.Ihavetointerviewaclient,butthatcan

wait.Ihavetosaveyoufromthisstupididea.”

Shesplaysherhandsonherhips.“I'mnotgoinganywherewithyou.”
Ileanforward,makesureshecanseemypupilsandhowseriousIam.“Colin.”
Shelaughsandit'sjustasensualthingtowatchherheadtiltbackandhereyeslightup.“He'snot

bad.Haveyoueverreallytalkedtohim?”

MoreliketrappedintoconversationsanytimeIhadabillingissue.“Ihave,andyouknowwherethe

conversationalwaysendsup?”

“Duke—”
“Onhistwocats.TrixieandVixen.He'snamedhiscatsTrixieandVixen.You'renotgoingonthis

date.Ifyouwanttoeatsomewherenice,I'lltakeyou.”

Shedropsherhandsathersides,andnarrowshereyes.“AndwhatifIwanttogosomewherenice

thenhavesex?”

Ipauseonthataseverymuscleinmybodycoils,readytospring.“Whatareyousaying?”
Herchingoesup,allbravadoagain.“Iwanttogoonadateandhavesex.”
Iforcemyselftobreathesteadily.“With?”
Sheworriesherlipthentakesastepbackfromme.“Colin.”
“Right.”IshiftmythoughtssoI'mbeingagoodfuckingguy.“BoringColin.”
IfshefucksColin,he'sgoingtoproposemarriagewithinaweek.Don'tgetthewrongideahere.I'm

notbeingterritorialwithher.IfIcanfuckanythingwithapulse,socanshe,andlet'sbehonest,she'snice,
funnyandsexyasfuck.Itwouldbeashameforhertobelonely.

Butthat'sthething.Ourhookupmayhavebeendrunkandsloppy,butherpussyisgoodenoughto

make a grown man weep. She's armed and dangerous with that thing. Colin is not the guy you give that
kindofweaponto.He'llshoothisfaceoff.

“Ifyoufuckhim,he'llstalkyou,orworse,trytobeyourboyfriend.”
Shemotionswithherhandatthespacebetweenus.“ThisiswhyPrestonhadahardtimesellingyou

totheotherpartners.Iknowyou'reatwistedasshole.Iwaswellawareofthatthemomentyoudirected
thatsmileofyoursmyway.”

Thenwhydidyourun?
IputmybackagainstmySUVandshakeoffthementalquestion.

ThethingtofocusonissheknowswhathappenedbetweenmeandPreston.NowI'mcuriousatthe

dirtshehas.IwaitanotherbeattoseeifKennedywillspillwhatsheknows.Nothing.

Sheglancesdownandpullsherhairtofalloveroneshoulder.“Ihavetogo.Idon'twanttobelate

formydate.”

“WithgoddamnColin.”
Shelaughs.“He'snice.”
“Nicemencallyouabitchifyourejectthem.Iwouldn'tsetmystandardstoohighifIwereyou.”
She’squietthenshepinsmewithastare.“Andwhatareyou,Duke?”
Ishakemyheadatthatquestion.“He'llhaveyouinamatchingsweaterwithTrixieandVixen.”
Thislaughmakeshereyessparkle.Ishityounot.“Hewon't.”Sheglancesatmeandforthefirsttime

Inoticethedustingofmakeupalonghereyelids.Thedarkshadehasmadehereyesappearbigger,more
golden.“Iknowhowmuchyouwantthispartnership.Soifyouneedtotalk,callme.”

Backtothat.I'drathereatabulletthanchataboutmyfeelings.“Idon'thaveyournumber.”
Shegivesmeanoh,pleaselook.“I'mprettysureyoucangetGwentodigitup.”
Iscoff.“I'mpissedatheratthemoment.”
The disappointment is back. I should be used to that emotion being directed at me. I roll my

shoulders.

Kennedysighs.“Whatwasshesupposedtodo?Attheendoftheday—”
“We'reateam.Ithoughtthatmeantsomething.”
“Shedidn'twanttogetinthemiddle.”
“She'snotSwitzerland.Sheactually...”Istop.
I'm not going to tell Kennedy that Gwen thinks we flirt with each other. This conversation is

complicatedenoughwithoutaddingthatfueltothefire.“HavefunatTrelio.Don'tsayIdidn'twarnyou
whenhetakesyoubacktohisplaceandletsthecatswatch.”

Thecornersofhermouthtwitch.“Idon'tknowwhyIbother.”
That's the question for the ages. She won't fuck me. We aren't friends. Yet here we are. “Why do

you?”

“Whenyou'renotbeingabagofmorallycorruptdicks,Icanlikeyou.”
“Bigdicks,”Icorrecther.
Sheonlysighsbeforeturningonherheel.Theviewisbettertoday.Thedresshugsthatassofhers

anddetailseverybounceofherstep.It'snothardtorememberhowshelookedthatnight—backcurved,
supple ass slapping against my pelvis, and the cheeks clapping together at every down stroke like an
involuntaryapplauseforafuckwelldone.

Ireallyshouldtalkherintolettingmepeelthatdressoff.
No.
Itrytoremindmyselfshe'soff-limits.Shedidn'tgivemetheslightestgoahead.Hell,she'sgoingon

adatewithsomeoneelse.Iforcemyselftoglanceawaybutmygazegoesrightback.

MaybeifPrestonhadn'tfuckedmeoverallmysafeguardswouldstillbeinplace.Icouldswallow

down the need trying to crawl up my throat and out of my mouth. I could do what I’ve done for three
years.

Prestondidknockdownmywallsbyblindsidingme,andIcan’tignorethetingleinmypalmsorthe

buzzinmyheadasIwatchherwalkaway.

Icallafterher,“IfColinstepsoutofline,callme.”
Shewavesherhandandkeepsstrutting.
I...feelbetter.Istillwanttokickovershit.I'mstillgoingtohaveanicelongtalkwithmyselfabout

mynextoptionsifthefirmdoesn'tponyupontheirendofthedeal.Angerisn'tchokingmeblindanymore.
Ifileitawaytodealwithlater.

Thefirstthingonmyto-dolististotalkwithatwenty-yearoldmurderer.

CHAPTERTHREE

I put my car in park and double check the address. My brows go up. Not that the neighborhood is

rough,butapparentlymybossistherichoneinthefamily.Thehousesitsontheoldersideoftown,andI
caneasilyimaginethetwo-storyhomepasseddownbackwhenonlyuppermiddleclassfamilieslivedon
theblock.

Igrabthefolder,leavingbehindmybriefcase,andmakemywaytothedoor.Thekidwhoanswers

comes to my chin and has the kind of hair that makes you want to hold him down and cut it. He's also
wearingbaggyclothes.

Ioffermyhandandsmile.“I'mDukeAlexander.”
“Yeah.And?”
“GabrielLance?”
Thekidfirsthastoslinghisbangsoutofhisfacebeforehenarrowshisgazeonme.“Yeah.”
“I'myourattorney.”
“UnclePsentyou?”
I'mfeelingmybedsidemannerslip.“Kid,letmeinthehouse.”
Heshrugsandopensthedoor.Theinsideisclean,whichIfindsurprising.Irememberbeingtwenty.

TheguysandIsaveduptogetoffcampus.Let'sjustsaywedidn'tgetoursecuritydepositback.Idon't
catchsightofanythingthatscreamsawomanwillorhaslivedhere.

He'swatchingmejudgehisspaceandapparentlythat'senoughtomakehimfrownatme.
Iask,“Youlivebyyourself?”
“Withmydad.Hadmyownplace,then...”
“Thenyourgirlfriendwasmurdered,”Ifinishforhimtoreadhisreaction.
Heplopsonthecouchandrestshishandsonhisknees.“Shewasjustafriend.”
Hisshoulderscavein,hisfingersdigintohisknees,andhe'snotmeetingmyeyesorpleadingwith

me.Everythingabouthisposturemakesmebelievethat'sthetruth.

“Tellmewhathappened.”
Iwalktheroomnotingthewornbutcleanfurniture.Noneofthefamilyphotoslitteredaroundhasa

woman that could be around Preston's age, much less the man I assume is Gabriel's father. His father
appearstenyearsyoungerthanPrestonwhichmakeshimclosertofiftythansixty.WhatIdoknowforsure
isthatPrestoncaresforthekid.Therearealotofposesofthetwothem.

IshouldbelisteningtoProBonoBoy,right?MycareerdependsonhowwellIhandlethiscase.I'm

takingnoteofthecadenceofhisvoiceashetellsmehowhisfriendendedupdead.I'meyeinghisbody
languageashegetstopartsthatshouldbeheartbreakingforhimtoretell.

I stop and watch him when he gets choked up about finding his friend in his bed. He sticks to the

factsandnotonceglancesup.I'mnotsearchingfortearsoracatchinhisvoice.Asociopathcoveredin
hisvictim'sbloodcansqueezeoutsomeoniontearsiftheyneedto.I'mlisteningtohiswordchoice.

“Ididn'tknowwhattodo.Myroommatewasatwork.Shewasn'tbreathing.Idon'tknowCPRsoI

called911.TheytookmedowntothestationwhenItoldthemwhathappened.”

Theyliterallyfoundhimstandingoveradeadbody,coveredinherbody’sblood.Inhisapartment.

Anapartmenthedidn'tsharewiththevictimnordidthevictimhaveakeytotheplace.Whatwerethe
policesupposedtodo?ProBonoBoymightaswellhavebeenholdingthemurderweaponinhishand
too.

“Whatisyourroommate’sname?Whereishenow?”
“TrevorWinter.He’slivingwithhiscousin.Neitheroneofuscouldstayafter...”
Looks like I’m going to need another favor from the Sec to check out his roommate. “I see your

problem.”

Heblinksatmyglibreply.“Aren'tyousupposedtoaskmeifIknowanyonewhowouldwanttohurt

her?Askformyalibi?”

“Peoplerarelyrememberwheretheyareatanygiventimeoftheday,andevenfewercanprovide

proof.”

“YouthinkIdidit.”Hisshouldersfall.
Thiskidisapuppy.Hiseveryemotionshowsinhiseyes,hisbody.Icanneverputhimonastand.

“Doesn'tmatterwhatIthinkaboutyourinnocenceorguilt.”

Hisbrowsfurrow.“Thenhowcanyoubemyattorney?”
I settle onto the couch across from him. “I’m sure you’ve watched one of the thousands of crime

showsoutthere.Whatdotheydowhentheyarrestsomeone?”

“TheyreadyouyourMirandaRights.”
“Andwhatdotheysay?”
“Ihavetherighttoremainsilent.”
“Andarighttoanattorney.Thoserightsaren'tqualifiedwithifyouareinnocentyouhavearightto

anattorney.”

“WhydidUnclePsendyou?DoeshethinkIdidit?”
“That'saconversationyouneedtohavewithyouruncle,butIcanguesshewantedyoutohavethe

best.”

ProBonoBoyscoffsatme.“You'remodest.”
“You'reanidiot.Youshouldhavecalledhimafteryouphoned911,butthisisn'taperfectworld.”
Hisfaceturnsseveralshadesofred.“Whatdidyoucallme?”
“An idiot,” I repeat. “You willfully gave them your DNA, the clothes you had on, fingernail

scrapings.Letthemgrillyouforhoursbeforethethoughtdawnedonyouthatyoushouldhaveanattorney
present.That'sdumb,atbest,whenyouruncleisaphonecallaway.Idioticwhenhehasadepartmentof
attorneysathisbeckandcall.”

“Idon'tthinkmyunclewilllikeyoutalkingtomelikethis.”
“Probablynot,buthestillpickedmetorepresentyou.FromwhatIcantellhelikesyou.Soyoucan

cryaboutwhatIsaidorgrowapairanddealwithit.”

“Nooptionforyoutobenicetome?Orremotelyprofessional?”
“Fuck nice. This is a murder charge you're looking at, and you are pegged as the suspect. For the

record,Ichargeextratochangediapers,butI'mwillingtodoitifthatiswhatmyclientneeds.”

Gabriellaughs,andhelooksabouttwelve.“Okay.IseewhyUnclePsentyou.He'sthesameway.”
AtthemomentIcan'ttakethatasacompliment.“TomorrowI'mgoingtosendacartopickyouup

aroundnoon.You'llmeetmeintheoffice.We'llgoovereverydetailagain.You'lllikelywanttofireme.
Orgetmefired.I'mstillgoingtodomybesttorepresentyou.”

“Okay,”hesayswithnotraceofthelaughter.
“Thisalltranspiredafewdaysago,sothepolicearestillearlyintheirinvestigation.Theyarelikely

buildingacaseagainstyou.Itwillbemyjobtopokeholesinanytheoriesorevidencetheyhaveandkeep
thisfromevengettingonaDA'sdesk.”

Hiseyeswiden.“Okay.”
“ButfirstI'mgoingtoneedsomethingsfromyouwithlittlecomplaint.Wait.No.”Ishakemyhead.

“Withoutanycomplaint.”

“Like?”
“Cutyourhair.Youlooklikeadirtylabradoodle.Buyasuit.Getagoodsuit.Ifyoushowuptothe

officeinsomethingcheaplooking,I'mtakingyoutomyguy.I'marayofsunshinecomparedtohim.Donot
talktothepress.Donottalktoanyonebutmeaboutwhathappened.Thatincludesyouruncle.Don'tget
intoanytroublethatwouldrequireyoutogotojailagain.Doyouhaveagirlfriend?”

“No.”
“Boyfriend?”
“No.”
“Good.Don'tgetoneuntilthismatterissettled.Anyquestions?”
Gabriel drags his fingers through his hair, revealing softer features that make him appear younger.

“Doyouhatemeorjustpeopleingeneral?”

IsmileathimandtellhimaclichedandinaccuratejoketosmooththefeathersIruffled.“Ithinkit'sa

greattimetolearnabouttheimportanceofpleadingthefifth.”

Gabrielchucklesandflingshishairoutofhisfaceagain.I'msurehe'sabouttoreplywithsomething

equally sarcastic, but my phone rings with an unidentified number. It's my personal phone not my work
cell.IcheckthecallerIDanddon'trecognizeanythingbutthelocalareacode.Iholduponefingerand
risetoputsomedistancebetweenus.

“DukeAlexander.”
“Ineedyoutopickmeup,”thewordsaremumbled,butIknowthatvoice.Everyinchofmedoes.
Mystomachlocks.“Kennedy?”
“Canyougetme?Please.”
There'saslurtothe‘s.’Mybrainskipsoveranythinglogicalandlatchesontotheworstscenarios.

ThetruthofmyworldisthatmenlikeColin,whoownstwocats,areusuallystalkersorflashers.“Didhe
drugyou?”

“What?”Thewordsseemtobedraggedoutofherinconfusion.“Whodidwhat?”
I'llgetthedetailswhenIgettoher.“Whereareyou?”
“Trelio.Can'tmissme.Notinthisdress.Damnshamereally.”
“Be there. Don't move.” I end the call and think up ways to get rid of Colin's body. If he drugged

Kennedy,I'mgoingtokillhim.Iknowpeoplewhocouldgivemetipsonhowtowipehimoffthefaceof
theearthnevertobefound.

Gabrielhaspulledbackhisbangsandhisbrowsareup.“Girlfriend?”
“It'scomplicated,”isthebestandmostaccurateanswerIcanoffer.
“Right.”
Inarrowmygazeonhim.“What?Nevermind.Haircut.Suit.We’llironoutallthedetailsofwhat

happensnext.Ifthepolicecomebyforyou,callme.”

Forasecondthesmiledropsawayandhiseyeswiden.“Issheintrouble?Yourfriend?”
No.Ididn'tneedhimtobeinnocenttodomyjob.Whatjackassrequiresthattodotheirdamnjob?

But the worry in his eyes, in the simple question tells me all I need to know. It reminds me he's just
twenty.Stilladamnkid,andhefoundaclosefrienddeadinhishome.

“I'mgoingtotakecareofher.”
Thehairfallsbackdownintohisfaceashebowshisheadthenheshrugs.There'snothingmoreto

say.

IleavehishouseandbreakafewlawstogettoTrelioinrecordspeed.Nopecan'tmissaredheadin

amoneygreendresssittingatthebarinfuck-meblackheels.ThewaythelightplaysoverherhairIcan
catchthegoldandbrownstrandsasshepullsthemassoveroneshoulder.

Idon'tbothertosayagreeting.Iturnher,cupherfacetoforcehertomeetmygaze.Hereyesaren't

dilatedbutherstareistoohazyformytaste.Herskiniswarmagainstmyfingertips.

Iflexmyjawandtrytobreathethroughmynoseforamoment.Ican'tunleashtheangeronher.That's

notwhatsheneedsatthemoment.“Didhedrugyou?”

Hereyeswiden.“Isthatwhatyouthink?Ithoughtyoulookedmurderousbecauseyouhadtogetme.”

Shebrushesmyhandaway.“Andno.I'mnotdrugged.”

TheknotinmystomachloosensandIstuffmyhandsintomypockets.“Thenyou'rejustdrunk?”

Shesmilesatme.“Myheadstartedtospin,andIrealizedIshouldn'tdrive.”
Myconcernisslowlyturningintoannoyance.“Soyoucalledmeinsteadofacab?”
Shenodsandgrinsatme.“Becauseyouwereright,andIneededtobitchatyou.”
Igivehermydeadstare.Idon'tknowhowmanytrafficlawsIbroketogettoher,andshewantsto

talkaboutherdate.“I'mcallingyouacab.”

“Okay.”Shelaughsandgrabsmysleevetotugmebacktoher.“Ididn'tcallyoutobitchaboutColin.

Ilockedeverythinginthecar,andIneededsomeoneruthlesslyefficienttohelpme.”

Ican’targuewithherdescriptionofme,butIcan’tfigureoutwhyshe’dcallmeofallpeople.She’s

toopersonabletobewithoutfriendswhowoulddropeverythingtocomehelpher.

Iwanttoknow,butfirstIneedtotriageherproblem.“Whatdoyoumeanbyeverythingisinyour

car?”

“Myphone,mykeysandmypurse.”
Thefuck?“How?”
Shedoesn’tflinchatmysharptone.“Myworkpursedidn'tmatchmydresssoIdecidedtoleaveitin

thetrunk.Iforgotthat'swhereIshovedmyphone.WhileIwasdoingallthatIforgottograbmykeysoff
thecar'sseat.”

Iintensifymydeadstare.“Thenhowareyoudrunk?”
Shewavesherfingerinmyface.“That'sallegedlydrunktoyou,Esquire.”
Igrabherfingerandputherhandbackinherlap.“Kennedy.Mclane.”
“It'snotreallymyfault,”hervoiceraisesanoctaveinherdefense.“Colinwasshowingmeallsix-

hundredandseventy-ninepictureshehasofTrixieandVixenonhisphoneandIneededwinetocombat
that.”

“Howmuchdidyoudrink?”
Shesquintsasthoughthatwouldhelpjoghermemory.“Abouttwoglassesofwine.”
Iopenmymouththencloseit.ShemighthaveslappedmeifIsaidthefirstthingthatcametomind.I

tryagain.“You'reblitzedontwoglasses?Areyouonmedication?”

“He had some pictures of Vixen's leg surgery. They think a mole or something was cancerous

or...something.Ididn'thavemuchofanappetite,andIonlyhadagranolabarforbreakfast.Hewastaking
metoTrelio.Ineededtosaveroomforsomesurfandturf.”

Still,sheshouldn'tbethisdrunk,andthatmakesmethinkbacktooursex.Irememberdowningthree

shotsaswetalkedandflirted.Shehadacleardisposablecupwithsparklyliquid.Iassumeditwasthe
champagne folks in the office had passed around. My own mouth was too full of the taste of liquor to
catchitonherswhenwehadkissed.I'mstartingtothinkitwassparklingcideriftwodrinkscanturnher
intothis...cute,rambling,mess.

“Question,”Isay.
“Shoot.”
“Howdrunkwereyouwhenwehadsex?”
“Iwasn't.”Shegrabsmytieandtugsonit.“Youwere,though.Youweresoadorableandrelaxed.I

don't think I'd ever seen you that...unguarded. You laughed.” She presses a finger to the corner of my
mouth.“Youdon'tlaughenough,andthat'syourproblem.Oratleastoneofthem.”

She'sdrunkenoughtolistallofmyperceivedfaultsindetail.Iclaspherhandandpullhertoher

feet.

“I'msurpriseditdidn'tworkoutbetweenyouandColin,”Itellher.“Clearlyhelovespussy.”Igrab

herarmtokeephersteady.“Theyhaveservicesyoucancall.I'llgetyouthenumber,andyoucanusemy
phone.”

Shedirectsadrunkenhuffatme.“YoutoldmetocallyouifIgotintotrouble.SoIborrowedthe

bartender'scellandphonedyou.Well,IcalledGwentogetyournumberthenIcalledyou.”

Gwen is going to be insufferable, and I'm not done being pissed at her. “I said to only call me if

Colinsteppedoutofline.Didhe?”

“I'mwearingadressthatbegstobetakenoff,andhe'sshowingmehiscat'spost-surgerypictures.

Yellowflagonthedamnfield.”

Ibreakthenandlaugh.“Itoldyouthatyoucoulddobetter.Nexttimelistentome.”
“Likeyoulistentome?”
“Ididn’tfuckSheila,andIdon’tplanto.Youdidn’thavetogivemeawarningabouther.”
ShesortcollidesintomysideandsighswhenIstraightenher.“Iknownowyoudidn’t.Shebitched

aboutitallnightafteryouwalkedaway.AndItoldSheilahereyesweretoobigforherstomach.”

Interesting.Ifrowndownather.“Whatdoesthatmean?”
She gestures wildly with her free hand. “You’re Mt. Everest. One doesn’t climb that mountain

withoutpracticeorbeingmentallyready.”

Huh.
“Kennedy—”
“Youmademeforgetmytrainofthought.”
“Whichone?”
Shelaughsthentwirlsinfrontofmetowalkbackwards.Thiscouldendbadly.Ituckmyhandinto

thefrontofherdress,fistthematerial,thenguideher.

Kennedy doesn’t blink at that. “I thought you were doing that jealous thing you do when you were

warningmeaboutColin.”

I'mgoingtoregretthis.“Whatjealousthing?”
Shepressesherfingerstobothcornersofmymouththistime.“YoufrownandgetgrowlywhenItalk

aboutothermen.Youtellmewhat'swrongwiththem,evenifyouhaven'tmetthem.Iassumedit'sbecause
you still want to fuck me, and you hate that, and you deny yourself what you want.” She pauses for a
breath.“DoyouknowhowtobreakintoaDodgeIntrepid?”

InevertriedtohidethefactIwantedtofuckher,butthefactsheknowsitannoysmeissomething

else.ButallIsayis,“No.”

“Really?I’vealwaysimaginedyouhadallthesecriminalskills.”
“Ihireout.”Mytoneisflat.
“Oh,well.ThenIneedalocksmith.”Sheturnsawayfromme,andIdropmyhandfromherdress.
Myfingersarestillwarm.Iwrapmyarmaroundherwaistandleadhertherestofthewayoutofthe

restaurant.“Youneedtoeatandgetsomewaterintoyou.Idon'tthinkanyonereputablewillgiveyouyour
keysinyourcurrentcondition.Isureashellwon't.”

“Fine,butnomorenicerestaurants.Iwantafat,greasyburger.Andfries.”
Igethersettledintomycar,andbythetimeI'mhalfwaytoaburgerjoint,she'sout.Ipickupsome

foodanyway,andatleastthreebottlesofwater.Afterthat,Iheadbacktotherestauranttodealwithher
car. She remains in a small coma during all of this. I leave the passenger door open in case the liquor
wantstomakeacomeback.Thelessobstaclesforher,thebetterforme.

AnhourandahalflaterIhaveherpurse,phone,andcarkeys,butshe'sinnoshapetocatchacab.I

haveacoupleofoptionsanddon'tlikeasingleone.

Ileanagainstthepassengerdoorandtaphershoulder.“Kennedy,Ineedyoutowakeupandtellme

where to drop you off. Your place? A friend's...” Her eyes crack open then close again. “A friend who
willhavetoholdyourhairwhenyounodoubtthrowup,youdamnlightweight.”

“Yourplace,”shemumblesatme.
Itiltmyhead,sureI'veheardherwrong.“Comeagain?”
“Your.Place.Stopaskingme.”
Istepforwardandloomoverherforasecond.I'mhopingmystarewakesherup.“Iknowwhatyou

maythinkofmebutI'mnotintofuckingunconsciouswomen.Ifyou'regoingtomyplaceyou'resleeping.”

Sheanswersmymini-tiradewithasoftsnore.
“Fuck.”

CHAPTERFOUR

I’mleftwithtwofeweroptionstogetherhomeorsomewheresafe.Icandigintoherpurse,findher

IDforanaddressbutthat’sinthehopestheaddressiscurrent.Beinganalretentiveaboutworkdoesn’t
meansomeoneisasattentiveintheirreallife.

I can hunt down Gwen to give me Kennedy's home information, but then Gwen will know I took

home a drunk Kennedy. Yeah, I'm pissed at my paralegal, but that doesn't mean Gwen won't ask me a
million nosy-ass questions. And I'm not mad enough to request a different paralegal. Still, that leaves
Kennedyaloneandasleepwhenshe'shadtoomuchtodrink.

That leaves taking her to my place, where Kennedy says she wants to go. This is not what I want

though.Thisisgoodguy.Like...I’lltakecareofyouwhenyou’resickgoodguy.

Thisgoodguyshitisforthebirds.
I roll my shoulders. As long as she's unconscious and drunk, this is the role I'm playing with her.

Withasigh,ImakesurenothingofKennedywillgetcaughtwhenIclosethedoor.Shesettlesindeeper
intotheseat.

Iheadhome.Shedoesn'tstirwhenIcarryherfrommycartomybedroom.Ishower,dosomework,

andeatacoldburgerandfries.Ikilltimeincaseshewakesupandisreadytogohome.

WhenIexhaustalldelayingtacticstoheadtobedforthenight,Istandatthefootofmymattressand

frownather.Idon'tknowwhyshecalledme.I'mnotthatgoodatpretendingtobeagoodguy.I'mnotnice
orkind.Orsafe.

And really I can't take her drunken decision to be here as a signal no matter how much I want to

unleasheverypentupurgeI'veswalloweddown.Iwanther,butnotwhenshe'svulnerable.Ifwe'regoing
tobebedpartners,forrealthistime,I'mnotholdingathingback.I’mnotwalkingawayuntilwearewell
andtrulydonewitheachother.

It’s late. I’m tired. I’m not going to get any questions answered tonight. I'll be damned, though, to

sleeponmycouch.Nooneisthatnicewhoisn'tamasherofsomekind.

Iroundthebedandmygazeneverleavesher.She'scuddledunderthegraycomforterandhasstolen

atleasthalfofmypillows.Herhairisspreadacrosstheblacksheets—astarkcontrast.

The food, water, and even the towels remain neatly piled on the nightstand. As they say, I should

eithershitorgetoffthepot.

Iclimbontomybed.Shedoesn'tstir.I'mnotstupidenoughtogetunderthecomforter.I'llpullher

intomeandburymyfaceinherhair.I'lltakeinthescentoflavenderandcinnamon.That'snotgoodfor
anybody.Nottonight,whenIhavetoshowamodicumofrestraint.

“Wouldyoustopmoving,”shegroucheswithoutopeninghereyes.
Irestmyarmbehindmyhead.“There'sfoodandwateronthenightstand.”
Kennedycracksopeneye.“Shhh.”
Shepressesafingertomymouth.Inipatit.Shemoansinreturnandrollsoverontoherside.Her

faceinprofilerevealsoftpoutylips,asereneexpression,andlonglashes.HereyesremainclosedasItry
tostareherawake.

“Atleastdrinkabottleofwaterandtakethepills.”
Shesighsandrollstofaceme.Hergazeisclearerthanwhensheaskedmetobringhertomyhouse.

“WillyoustopbitchingifIdo?”

Yeah.She'sstilldrunkenoughIwouldquestionherabilitytoconsent.
Fuck.Fuck.
She’sgoingtobeinmybedallnight.
Fuck.
“Can'tmakepromises.”

Herbreathingspeedsup.“You'relookinglikeyouwanttodevourme.”
I'mtryingtothinkofeverythingbutthat.“Drinkthewaterandtakethepills.”
Shesitsup,kicksbackthecoversthendownsthewater.Myheartliftswhensheslipsoutofthebed.

ThisiscautioushopebecauseIshouldn'ttrustit.HopeknocksmeonmyassifIletit.Ifoldbothofmy
handsbehindmyheadandwatchher.Sheheadsforthebathroomdoor.

Thesinkfaucetswitcheson,thenshutsoffafewminuteslater.Thedooropens,andtheresheiswith

the bathroom light spilling behind her. She's washed her face and finger-combed her hair. The dress is
gone.Herhipsarethickersincethelasttimeshestoodinfrontofmelikethis.Herbreastsarefuller.Her
mouthissomethingworthdyingfor.Mycockperksup,readytobustthroughmysweatsliketheKool-Aid
man.

Kennedyinvitedherselfovertomyplacetokillmewithlust.
Herwalkisslowandsensual.Sheshouldonlyeverwearabraandthong.Ever.Iproponelegupto

conceal just how much I like her half-naked. She climbs under the covers again without speaking. My
body tenses and hardens. I can't help but hate her. The emotion isn't logical. I get to hate her as she's
breathingandinmybed.IcanhatehersohardwhilemybodypulsesfromhowmuchIwanther.

“Areyougoingtoeat?”Iaskinsteadoftuggingherintome.
Shepullsthecoversuptoherbreastsandpropsherselfuponherelbow.“Whyareyousotense?”
That'shonestlyherquestion?“Ihaveahalf-nakedwomaninmybed,andshe'stoyingwithme.May

bewhy.Idon'tknow.CouldalsobeafullmoonandI'mabouttoturnintoawolf.”

Hersmileisquickandunfettered.“AmILittleRedRidingHood?”
“No.Shegetseaten.You'regoingtodrinkwaterandsoberthefuckup.”
“WhatdoesitmatterifI'minmybraandpanties?Ithoughtonetimewasenoughforyou.”
Funny that's the part she wants to bring up. Funny at how wrong she remembers it. Kennedy waits

another moment for me to reply then sits up and reaches over to the nightstand. I get a flash of her ass
cheek. All she needs to do is move another inch or two and I could see the crotch of her panties. My
stomachclimbsupmythroat.Shestraightenswiththebagoffoodandatowel.

I narrow my eyes because Kennedy isn’t stupid. She has to know she’s driving me fucking insane.

Slowly.

Kennedyjustlaysoutthetowelbeforerippingthebagupthemiddle.Afewstrayfrieslandonmy

downcomforter.

Anyone else who even thought about eating in my bed would get shown the door. Kennedy? I'm

mildlyannoyed.IhaveamentalledgerofeverylineI'velethercross.AtsomepointI'llcollectonthe
invisibledebt,butIwanttoseehowfarshecanpushmebeforeIbreak.

“You'regoingtomurdermeforthat,aren'tyou?”sheasks.
“Thinkingaboutit.”
Sheeatsthewaywardfries.Minigreasespotsareleftbehind.I'mnotsuremycleanerswillbeable

togetthemout.Theyaren'tscheduledforapickupforafewdays.Imightalwayshaveareminderthatshe
wasinmybed.Idon'tknowhowIfeelaboutthat.

“Ipromisenottouseketchup,”shesaysaroundamouthfuloffries.
I focus on her eating instead of her cleavage. “That would just blend into the blood stains after I

throttleyouuntilyougetanosebleed.”

Shemovesontotheburger.Themessyburger.Mayoandmustarddropontothetowel.Shemoans

afterthesecondbite.“Thisissogood.”

Ishiftagain.Itookhertomyfavoriteplace.She'sunaware.I'mpleasedbyherapproval.Hernext

biteisbiggerandhermoanislonger.Shemakesitworsebylickingadropofmayoandmustardfromher
thumb.Iwatchhereatlikeherlifedependsonit,intechnicolorandsurroundsound.She'snottryingtobe
sexy,butit'sthemostsensualthingI'veeverseen.She'scomfortableinherownskin—andwithme—as

shedemolishesthefood.

Soonnoamountofshiftingwillhidemyerection.Iglareather.“DidyouletColinkissyou?”
Onecornerofhermouthlifts.Thesimplefacialticklooksliketriumph.“Becauseyouwanttokiss

meanddon'twantsloppyseconds?”

Shecouldneverbethat.“I'mtryingtofigureouthowobsessedhe'sgoingtobewithyounow.”
“See.Growly.”Shewrapsuptheleftoverfriesandburgerinthebag.“Howdoesitfeeltolivein

constantdenial?”

“Idon't.”
Sheslidesunderthecover.“Soyoudon'twantmeatall?Icangetnakedandyouwon'tevenlookat

me?”

IwouldproptoothpicksinmyeyelidstomakesureIwouldn'tmissathing.“Whywouldyouwantto

getnaked?”

“Toproveyouwrong.”
Ilaugh.Ourrelationshipisfuckedup.There'snodoubtofthat.“You'vecreatedthisfabricationof

howIfeelonmisplacedassumptions.”

Shepullsdownthecomforter.Herhairisfannedacrossthepillow.“Ihavenot.So,Duke,Ithinkwe

shouldtesthowmuchyoudon'twantme.”

SinceIneversaidthat,Idon'tknowwhyshe'spushingthis.“I'mnotplayingthisgamewithyou.”
“Thenwhichoneareweplaying?”Shedrawsacirclearoundherbellybutton.Hertorsoissoft,not

taut,andIwantmytonguetofollowtheinvisibletrailshe'smakingwithherfingertip.

“Youtellme.KnowIwillwin.”
Shenarrowshergaze.“I'mstilltryingtofigureoutifyou'relikehardcandy.Youknow,toughoutside

butagooeycenter.”

“You'vealreadyhadmeinyourmouth.Youshouldknowtheanswer.”
“Isthatwhatittakestogetinsideyou?Ihavetofuckyou?”
“Youwanttoknowwhat'sinsideme?I'madarkandcoldplace.I'veneverliedaboutthat.Youdon't

believeitthough.”

Sheglancesdownatherhand.“You'rehopeless,”shemurmurs.
“Whatishope,Kennedy?Youkeepforgetting.”
Shedrawsaslowcircledowntotheedgeofherpanties.Airseizesinmylungs.“Hopedoesn'tmake

youanythingbuthuman.”

Herfingergoesupthenbackdown.Lower.She'stracingsmallloopsacrosshermound.
“Mootpoint,”Ibiteoutandwatchasshedipsherfingersintoherpanties.
“Duke,”shewhispers.“Ifyoudidn'twantme,whydidyoubringmehomeandputmeinyourbed?

Therewereamillionotherthingsyoucouldhavedone,nomatterwhatIaskedyoutodo.”

She lays her hand flat against her mound. I guess I'm supposed to answer to get my reward. She's

goodatthegameshe'splaying.Iwanttojoininandwin,butIcan’t.Notwhenthere’sevenahintofher
regrettingfuckingmeinthemorning.

Irollontomysideandputmymouthtoherear.“Tellme,Kennedy,whydidyoutellmetobringyou

home?”

HergaspissolowIalmostmissit.“Iwantedtoseeifyouwould.”
Idigmyfingernailsintomypalmtofocusonthepain,toholdmycontrol.“Nextquestion.”
“Shoot.”
“WhendidIsayIdidn'twantyou?”
“Actionsspeaklouderthanwords.”
Hadshebeenpayingattentionshe'dhavehadthatansweralongasstimeago.Isuckthetipofher

earlobe.ShearchesherneckasIpullaway.Ismile.“Dothey,now?”

“Yes.”
“Howmanypeopledoyouhaveonstaff?Andyetyouvolunteeredtobemycourtrunner.Why?”
Shebendsherkneeandslipsherhanddown.“I'mtheonlyonewhocanhandleyou.”Shemoansand

looksdown.“Don'tyouwanttodothisforme?”

Itracetheshellofherearwithmytongue.Theillicitactioncoaxesanothermoanfromher.“You're

doing just fine, from what I can see.” I'm not going to touch her more than I need to, not while she's
inebriated.

Shepullsherhandawaywithasigh.“YouarethemostfrustratingmanIhaveevermet.”
“Iam?IwouldsayI’mdocileandagreeable.”
“Youmispronounced‘stubborndelusionalass.’”
Ichuckle.“Maybe.”
Sheturnsherheadtomeetmyeyes.“YouhavetoknowwhatIwantfromyou.Tonight.”
Iwanttoknowwhynow?Whatchanged?Whatmadeherthinkshewasreadytoclimbmeagain?

“I’mnotfuckingyoutonight.”

Isaythat,butItakecontrolofherwristandputtwoofherfingersinmymouth.Shemeltsintothe

mattress, though she tries to keep her face devoid of any emotion. Her eyes though are dark chocolate
now.Lustshinesbackatme.

She'ssweetandmuskyonmytongue.Irememberthis.IrememberwhyIhaven'tbeenabletoshake

her.Iwrapmytonguearoundherindexfingerandsuckthedigitclean.That'sallIcanhaveofhertonight.
Itakeitandtakeherin.

AmomentlaterIcansay,“Goodnight,Kennedy.”
Sheflushes.“That'sallyouwanttodo?”
“Nope,butthat’sallIamgoingto.”
Shesnaps,“Why?”
“Whydoyousuddenlywanttofuckmeagain?”
Sheglaresatmeandmyheartrefusestoslow.“Iwasjealous.”
Iusemyindexfingertoturnherfacetowardmine.Isearchforthelieinherconfession.It’snotthe

whole truth. She’s sported green eyes before. I’ve had my moments where I did growl any time she
mentionedadateorboyfriendinpassing.

Thisisus.
Notadamnthinghaschanged.Iwishshe’dtellmesoIwouldn’thavetoask.
Sheinhalesandexhales.“I’minyourbed.You’vewantedmehereevenwhenyoutoldyourselfyou

didn’t.”

“You’retoodrunktoclimbme.”
Maybesheseesthetruthofthatinmyfacebecauseshejerksherchinfrommygraspandrollsover

toherside.Iclenchmyfisttokeepfromdraggingherbacktome.Ican’ttouchher.Iwantthekindofsex
thatwillleaveusdehydratedforaweek,andshecan’thavethattonight.

Yet,drunkornot,she'ssetthegameinmotion.I'mgoingtogoaboutmywayofwinningit.
Ilaybackandpullmypillowfrombehindmyheadandcovermyfacewithit.Onlyasmallpartof

mewishesIsuffocatetodeath.

Ididn'tsaythegamewouldbefunforeitherofus.She'sgoingtohatemebeforeallissaidanddone.

Untilthen,Iforcemyselftosleep.It'stheonlywayIcanfuckingholdontomycontrollongenoughtowin.

CHAPTERFIVE

MydicksendsupanalarmthatIshouldbeawake.Icrackmyeyesopen,butIalreadyknowshithas

gonesidewayswhileIslept.I'mupagainstsomethingwarmandsoft.Isighandtakestock.

DuringthenightI'vewrappedmyarmaroundKennedy.It'stinglingfromthedeadweightofherbut

thathasn'tstoppedmyhandfromcuppingonebreast.Oneofherlegsistrappedbetweenmine.And,yeah,
mydickispressedagainstherass.

In my sleep I've turned into a lion, and she's the wild gazelle who tried to escape. Even if she

soberedupintheweemorninghourshowcouldsheleave?Icoulduntangleus,butit'searly.Thesunis
peakingthroughmydarkcurtains,andthatmeansI'mnotlateforworkyet.

Fromthewayshe'sbreathing—lightandunsteady—Iknowshe'sawake.
“Aboutoneinthemorningyoudidthis.”
“Doyouneedtopee?”Iaskbutdon'tmovemyhand.
Hertitfeelssofterthanitlooks.NowthatI'mhere,Imightaswellstay,right?
“Ididaroundthree.”
Huh.I'venuzzleduptohertwice.She'snotcomplainingnowandthisiswhatshewantsfromme.I

don'tknowwhy.Otherpeoplewouldask,butI'velearnedthehardwaytonotaskquestionsIdon'twant
theanswerto.

Isthatfairtoher?No.DoIcare?No.Thegamehasbegun.Sheshouldhavemadeherescape.Igave

herthreefuckingyearstomakeuphermind.I'vebeenmorethanfair.Nowit'sjustgoingtobethehard
way.

“Areyousober?”Iask.
“Painfullyso.”
“Andyou'restillinmybed.”
“Yes.”
“Doyouwanttobe?”
“Yes.”
She gasps when I slip my fingers into her underwear. I press my lips to her earlobe. “Want me to

stop?”

“No,”shesaysbutsqueezesherthighs.“Don'ttouchmeifyou'rejustgoingtoteaseme.”
“Teaseyou?”Itrailmymiddlefingeroverherslit.Herwetwarmthwelcomesme.“Wereyouwet

formeallnight?”

Shedoesn'treply.Itestthetruthwiththetipofmyfinger.Itakeherarousalandswipeitaroundher

clit.“I'mnotgoingtoteaseyou.I'mgoingtosatethiscurrentthirstofyours.”

We'llgofromtherebecauseslidingmydickdeepintoherisanotherstory.Ididthatmuchtoofastthe

firsttime.

“Putyourlegonmine.”
ShepropsherfootonmythighandIstartthecaressatherankle.Itoucheverysinewofmusclein

hercalves.It'sfromwalkingandclimbingsteps,dayafterday.It'swhatmakesherKennedy.Irevelinthe
wayherskin,anyscarsandinnerthigharesosoft,interesting.Herbodyisafeast.Myfingers,myeyes
havebeenstarved.

“Isthatallyouwantedtodo?”saystherealfuckingteaseoutofthetwoofus.“Ticklemyknee?”
Ishovemyhandintoherpantiesandslidemypalmoverherclit.“Whatdidyousay?”
“Ticklin—”
Igiveheranicetapasawarning.Sheturnsherheadandlocksherstareontomine.Sheopensher

mouth,andIspankhertwice.

“Yourmouthgetsyouintotrouble,Kennedy.”

“Youlikemymouth.”Hervoiceislikewhiskey—dark,biting,andthensmooth.
Can'tcallheraliar.Iswitchtolongcaressesoverherclitandwatchhertrytokeepheremotions

fromleakingout.Shebreakseventually,moaning,squirming.

Iwanttosaythisiswheretheleveebreaksforme.Iflipherontoherstomachandwefuckourselves

blind,butIcan'tgothere.Notyet.Notwithher.

SoIsinkmyteethintoherneckasshemoansforme.Thisclosetoher,thesoundrattlesmybrain,my

insides.She'sslipperybeneathmyfingerandthat...Ihavetopressmydickintoherassandgrindtoget
somekindofrelief.Mygraysweatsarenotenoughofabarriertokeepmefromcomingatsomepoint.

Jesus.Christ.Ican'tfuckher.Notyet.Iteaseherclitjustabitharder,fastertogettotheend.Ican't

sittherewithherspoonedagainstme.She'stoosoft,toovocal...tooKennedy.

ControlisallIhaveonmyside.Ineverletitgo.Imovemymouthbacktoherear.“Ididn'teventake

offyourpantiesandyou'reabouttocomeforme.JustthinkifIusedmymouthormydick.”

Sherocksherhipsintomyhand.“Thinkofwhatyoucouldhavedoneifyou’dtakenthemoff.”
Iturnmyfaceintoherhairandsmile.She’snotshyinbedwhenIteaseher.Imovemymouthdown

toherear.“Idon’thaveto.”

I can’t confess to her all the ways I replayed that night we were together. In my mind I’ve done

everything that’s legal to do to another person. And a lot of things that probably aren’t. I’ve had one-
thousandandninety-fivedaysofhercrossingmymind.Forthememoryofthatnighttotauntme.Formeto
transformitintowhatitcouldhavebeen...shouldhavebeen.

“WhatcouldIhavedone?Lickedyouuntilyoudrippeddownmychin.Satyouonmydickandlet

yougrindintomeuntilIcouldn’tbreathe.ButI’mgoingtoswirlmyfingersintoyourwetcuntthenlick
youoffslowlytosavoryou.”Ilowermyvoicetoagrowl.“That'showyoucangetinsideme.”

Shegivesmeasoft,sharpgaspasarebuttal.Idon'thavetosliptwofingersintoherpussytoknow

she'sclose,butsheis,soIdo.Oh,myfuck.Ibiteherneckagain.Iletmytonguefollowtosoothethesting
andtotasteher.

“Whatelse?”shebegsformore.
“Mycockstretchingyou,reachingsodeepyoudon’tknowwhereIendandyoubegin.You’lltugme

tightandwet.”

AndIwillneverwanthertoletmego.
Kennedy squeezes a nipple through the lace material of her bra. She's fucking beautiful. With my

fingersburiedsodeepshe'sanextensionofme.Herhipsfollowthesteadypumpofmyhand.

She'snotmypuppet,butmyfingersmakehertalk.Herwordsmakemydickwetbecausetheysound

likepromises.Iaddmythumbtofinishheroff.ThemoreIplayherlikeaguitar,thestickier,theslicker
myhandgets.Sheballsherhandintothepillow,andherfacefollows.Herlongmoanismuffledbythe
cotton. I get front row seats to the sight of Kennedy coming. She’s not running but succumbing to the
pleasureI’mgivingher.

It’sbeautiful.
She’sbeautiful.
Agoodman,adecentonewouldpushherintothemattress,climbbehindherandgiveherwhatshe

isbeggingfor.But…

Ipushheruntilshe'sonherstomach.Igrindmydickintoherassandclosemyteethonthesensitive

spot between her neck and shoulder. She wiggles against me then gives in by pushing her ass into me.
Kennedy is mine for the taking. I can have her any way my perverted mind can imagine. I'm so fucking
tempted as her hair fans over her exposed back and tickles my face. I grab her wrists and spread them
aboveherhead.

Insteadoffuckingher,Isuckhardonthefleshuntilitpurples.She'sminenow,inasmall,temporary

way. She'll eat, work, but when she gets home, there the love bruise will be to remind her I had her

squirmingbeneathme.Thatthoughtwon'tcuretheacheinmydick,butit'senoughfornow.

WithallthestrengthIcanmuster,Iedgeback.“I'vemadeyoucome,butIhavetobeatworksoon.

Shower,eat,dowhateveryouneedto.I'lltakeyoutoyourcar.”

Shestillsbeneathme.Mywordsaren'tjustadouseofcoldwater,they'reaslap.
KennedytiltsherheadandIdon'tneedthefullbruntofherglaretofeeltheburnofheranger.“Ifyou

dothis...”

The words are spaced out and I know she means every single one. The threat doesn’t need to be

spokenformetobelieveIdeservethem.“Dowhat,Kennedy?”

“Itoldyounottoteaseme.”
IrubmymouthagainstthedarkbruiseIleftonherneck.Shemeltsintomeagain.Myheadspinsat

the way I, Duke Alexander, can make this woman lose the weight of gravity with my mouth. I’m not a
teenagegirlwaitingonhercrushtocall.I’mtheawkwardboyamazedImadetheprettygirllaugh.People
have quaked at my very name. She doesn’t give a single fuck about it, and yet my mouth skimming her
skin,mealoomingheatatherback,makeshershiverandmoan.

Thisispower—thekindthatmakesmenstupidandgreedy.
I slide my fingers back into her pussy, let myself sink into her soft wetness. She arches her back,

seatingmedeeper.She'smineagain,justthateasy.Ipressmychesttoherbackanddomybesttofuckher
withmyhandasthoughit’smydick.Dexterityisonmyside.Hersoakingthroughherpantiesisanother
pointinmyfavor.Myneedtomakeherbowintometheultimateupperhand.

TheorgasmIgiveherisswift,hardandleavesherarmsshaking.Everyshudderstrumsthroughme

ourbodiesaresoclose.Hergazeistoosoftforaglarenow,butshetrieswhenIreleaseher.

Idon’tcarehowIsoundasIsay,“ItoldyouIwasn'tgoingtoteaseyou,butwedon'thavethetimeto

dowhatIreallywanttodotoyou.Ifthat'snotgoodenough,thenhateme.”

“You—”
IsilencewhatI’msureisacondemnationwithmymouth.ThenIlethergo.Shecollapsesontothe

mattressasthoughI’vetakenthefightoutofher.Iclimboutofthebedandstalktotheshower.Imakeit
coldandlongjusttoholdontoasemblanceofcontrol.

CHAPTERSIX

I stride into work an hour later, and I might as well be walking down the hall like one of those

jackasseswhomimicsfingergunsandsayshey,therebuddy!How'sitgoing?Great.Fine.Wonderful.

I'minsuchagoodmoodIwanttopunchmyself.Ididn'tevengetlaid.Itwasmeandmyhandinthat

showergettingintimate.

WhyamIstillinagoodmood?
Here'stheconfessionthatIknowlogicallyisawful.
Ready?
Kennedybarelysaidawordtomeassheputonherdressfromthenightbefore.Ideniedheravalid

walk of shame and she despised me every second of the car ride. I offered her Starbucks. She
begrudgingly took that and the warmed cookie I bought her. When we finally made it back to her car, I
pushedherupagainstitandkissedherlikethatsimpleactioncouldmakeorbreakmyfuckingworld.

Andshehatedme.
Couldn'thelpbutwantmedespiteit.
AllIwantedtosaytoherwas,Fuckingsucksdoesn’tit,sweetheart?
BearwithmeasIexplain.Alotofshithasn'tgonemyway.I'mnotoneofthosedickhatswhofeels

theworldowesthemorthatI'mentitledtoanythingbecauseIexist.IwillworkhardtogetwhatIwant.

IvyleagueswereonthetablebeforeIgraduatedhighschool,butmyfathersatmedownandtoldme

whatIwouldneedtodoforhimtogetthattuitionpaidoutsideofscholarships.Itinvolvedalotofkissing
assandsayinghowhighwhenhesaidjump.

Every achievement in my life from that point on would be thanks to him, and I would never be

allowedtoforgetit.

SoIbuiltuparesumeandwenttoseverallawfirms,willingtodogruntworkforpayinsteadofan

internship.Iwouldhavehappilymadecopiesandstapledanythingtheyneeded.Theycouldn'tletDuke
Alexanderdothat.Mylastnamewastoomuchofafuckinginstitution.

Whentheyonlyofferedmeunpaidinternships,Ihitburgerjointsuntilsomeonetookpityandhired

me.Isavedeverypennyandwenttoastateschool.Iworkedfull-timeandwenttoschoolfull-timeeven
thoughIhadasilverspooninmymouth.Ihonestlycan'tremembermyearlytwentiesbecauseofit.WhatI
canrecallisthatIwaseithersloppinggreaseorstudying.

Ihadloansjustlikeeverybody.Icouldhaveeasilybeenseniorpartneratmyfather'sfirm.YetIhave

workedforeverythingI'vehad,andIamdamnproudofeverythingImanagedtoachieve.Thosedecisions
mademethemanIam,andIwouldn'ttakeasingleoneback.I'mnotlookingforapplause,either,notfor
anyofit.

And that's the thing. Three years ago Kennedy saw Duke Alexander, the Institution. The man with

dark eyes, slicked back hair, and a cold heart. He was that man because he could be, not because the
world had carved him into that. Never once did she consider why I’m ‘too intense.’ Why I go cold. I
shouldbetrust-fundreckless.Ishouldhaveconsideredherhoppingonmydickinevitable.Whatwoman
wouldn'twanttofuckme?

Butthat'snotmyrealityandhasneverbeen.
Kennedybeingpissedatthefactshecan'tjustwalkawaywithoutabackwardglancefeelslikeawin

over every time someone has looked down their nose at me. Every time someone assumed I wouldn't,
couldn'tputinthehardwork.

Shedidn’twonderhowharditwouldhitmeifmydickwasstillwetfromhermouthandshedidn’t

care,becauseofcourseI’dshrugmyshouldersandmoveon.

This morning, Kennedy left my house pissed off and disgruntled with my terms for our affair, but

she'sagreedtotheminherownway.

Icanonlyrecognizethat'showKennedymakesmefeel—I'mwinning.Finally.
Not that she's a great woman. Though she is. There's something indefinable about us when we're

together.Okay.There'sthattoo.

Butthebiggestdraw,thereasonI'mgoingtodothisshitthehardway?
I'mwinning.Finally.
Awful,right?
IwishIcouldfeelthedepthofthat.
Awfulisanirritatingflybuzzingaroundmyhead.PaincutsintomedeepenoughIcanfeeltheache

ofit.

Yeah.Kennedy’sgoingtocomebackandhitmeharderforhowIleftherhangingthismorning.Does

thatmakeitright?FuckifIknow.

Istillcan'twaitforhertoknockmeoffmystride.

*****

Islaptheintercomandcanhearthelowmurmurofvoices.“Gwen,ifyoudon'tgetyourassinhere

inthenextthirtyseconds...”

Infifteenshe'snotatthedoor.I'llbeinapositionofweaknessifIgoseewhy.Iglanceatmydesk.

Aboutfivebooksareopen,andthreeneedtogobacktothelibrary.That'sdiscountingthesixteentabsI
haveopenonGoogle.IneedGwen’smemoryandforhertodraftanappeal.

Thirtysecondsgobyandnohurriedparalegalrushesintomyoffice.Isnatchupthebooksandedge

tothedoortoseewhatthefuckisgoingon.Onlypracticekeepsmefromlaughing,sourly.

There'sanass,handcraftedbySatan,inabeigepencilskirt.Thewomanattachedhascapturedmy

paralegal’s full attention. Kennedy is also wearing stilettos. There is a richness to the red that doesn't
seemtoclashwithherhair,orhershirtinthesameshade.Nodollytoday,soshe'sheretofuckwithme
andcatchmeoffguard.

I take the books back to my desk, settle in and re-read for the one-thousandth time today about

probablecause.IttakesKennedyanotherminutetomoseyherwayintomyoffice.

IlookupwhenIhearthelockslideintoplace.Sheleansagainstthedoorandclaspsherhandsin

frontofher.

IslipapaperbetweenthepageslikeIneedtodog-earthesection.“Goodafternoon,Ms.Mclane.”
Shelaughs.“Iloveyourpokerface.”
Ilovethefactshecanseethroughit.“Whatbringsyouby?”
“You.”
Ihissatthehonestyofheranswer.She'splayingthegamestraighttoday.“Missedmealready?”
Shepushesfromthedoorandstrutsovertomydeskinthosegoddamnstilettosandherpencilskirt.I

shouldhavespentmoretimeworshipingherlegs.Theydeserveit.Ileantothesideinmychairtohold
hergazewhenshesettlesafewinchesawayfrommyleftarm.

Her tongue glosses over her top lip and she has to know that I'm enthralled by the pink-on-pink

action.“Ihadsometimetoreflectonwhathappenedthismorning.”

“And?”Irasp.
“You'retakingthingsslow.Icangetthat.”
Incaseyoudidn'tpickuponit,smartwomenmakemydickhard.Kennedyfallsunderthatumbrella.

Iwanttofuckheronmydeskbecauseofit.Again.“And?”

“Givenwhathappenedlasttime,weshouldhaveabed.Nowthequestionis:myhouseoryours?I

voteformine.Myfridgeisalwayspackedwithfoodsowewon'tstarveduringthissexmarathon.AndI
don'twantyoutosufferfromthevaporsifwegetlubeonyoursheets.”

MylaughspillsoutbeforeIcanstopit.“Ilikebigheartymealsaftersex,andIhavenodoubtI'mthe

bettercook.”

“Youcancook?”
“Whydoyousayitlikethat?”
“Yourmotherdidn'tteachyou.”
“No.”Ifrown.“Shedidn't.”Herstatementgivesmepause.“Howdoyouknowthat?”
Shetucksherhairbehindherears.“Youhave'Igrewupwithamaid'writtenalloveryou.”
And there it is. You’re entitled. I can overlook you. I nod at her observation and swallow down

what feels like glass at her words. “The solution is simple. We'll cook for each other, tonight, and
whoevermakesthebettermeal...”

“Deal.” She leans into me. “Today I dressed with you in mind. Couldn't get you off my mind,

actually.”

Herwords—Idon'tthinkanyexistforhowIfeeltohearhersaythat.Itiltmyheadandlookupher

skirt.Thewayshe'ssittingIcanseepolkadotsdecorateherthong.“Idon'tliketheoutfit.”

Herbrowsslashdown.“Excuseme?”
“Allyouneedisonesimplefixthough.”Mymouthbetraysmewithasmile.“Takeoffyourpanties

andit'llbeperfect.”

Hermouthcrooksup.“That'sit?”
Ishrug.“Youcangivethemtome,andI'llkeepthemsafeuntiltonight.BelievemewhenIsayIknow

menwhowillstealyourpantiesjusttosniffthem.Fuckingperverts.”

Shefauxgasps.“Thedeviantindividualsoutthereintheworld.Youpromisetokeepmypantiessafe

fromharm?”

“Promise.”
She glances back at the door and stands up. I hold my breath as she unzips the skirt, lifts it about

threeinches.“Ifyouwantthemyoucanhavethem.”

I turn my chair, not wasting a moment to put my hands on her again. Her breath catches when my

fingertipsbrushupherlegs.Itakemytimecatchingtheflimsyband.ShewatchesmeintentlyasItugthe
thin straps down her hips, thighs, and knees. The middle is damp with her cream and I have to take a
momenttoappreciatemyeffectonher.

Sherestsherhandsonmyshoulders,puttinghertitscloseenoughtobite.Tempting.Ipullherpanties

off the rest of the way. Her hair brushes along my cheek. I breathe her in. I hate the way my heartbeat
spikes.Shit,thewaymypalmsgetsweaty.

ButItuckherunderwearintomyjacket'sinsidepocketandrelaxinmychairlikemydickisn'ttrying

tofightitswayoutofmyslacks.

“Better?”sheasks.
Igotoanswerandmyintercombuzzes.Islapthespeakerbutton.“Betterbegood,Gwen.”
“GabrielLanceishere.Mr.Lancewillsendhimdownfromhisofficeinfifteenminutes.”
I sigh. “I'll be with him in a minute.” I double-check the intercom is off before I look at Kennedy

again.

She'sadjustedherskirtandputsomedistancebetweenus.Iwouldswearonrecordthere’sanextra,

wonderfuljigglewhenshemovesnow.

Thefuckingtemptressasks,“Doyouneedmetogiveyoudirectionstomyhouse?”
“I'llbeatyourplacearoundseven.”OfcourseI’mnotgoingtotellherIdon’tknow,butbelieveme

I’mgoingtobytheendoftoday.“I'mprettysureGwenhasjustclearedtherestofmyscheduleformy
veryspecialclient.Ifanythingcomesup,I'lltextyou.”

Sheglidestothedoor.“Well,bringanappetite.”
Then she's gone. Seconds later Gwen comes into my office, and her gaze is roaming the room.

There'snoevidenceofwhattranspired.Exceptforthebulgeinmypocketandpants.

Iclearmythroat.“IsthatGabriel'sfileordidyoucomeinheretobenosy?”

“Both.”Shedropsthefolderonmydesk.“Icantakebackthosebooksifyou'redonewiththem.”
“Doso,andthenexttimeIcallyou,youcomerunningtomyoffice.”
“Kennedypaidmenotto,andtopretendthatshedidn'tcloseyourofficedoor.”
Smartgoddamnwoman.I'mgoingtofuckheroneveryflatsurfaceonearth.“You'rereallymaking

merethinkyourloyalty.”

“Pfft.”Shepausesanduneasesettlesinherposture.“Yourmothercalledagain.”
Ipinchthebridgeofmynose.Mymotherisn'tthisinsistent.“Didsheleaveamessage?”
“Wantedtoknowifyouwereokayandhowyouwereholdingup.”
Iflinchatthewords.I'mgoingtohavetocallhersoonerratherthanlaterifshe'sworriedaboutme.

Shit.“SendGabrielinwhenhegetsdownfromLance'soffice.”

Hermouthtightens.“Yes,sir.”
“Gwen,wait.DidyouhuntdowntheinformationonTrevorWinteryet?”
“TheSecisonit.”
Then she’s gone. I don't get time to debate if I should call my mother now or tomorrow morning,

becauseGabriel'sinmyofficeaminutelater.Withoutlookingupfrommylegalpad,Iask,“Didyoubreak
aruleandtalktoPrestonaboutyourcase?”

“No.I’mlisteningtoyou.”
Iglanceupandmanagetokeepmyfacefreeofareaction.
Hegesturestohimself.“Whatdoyouthink?”
“Ithinkyoulooklikeadecenthumannow.Nicehaircut.”
Anditis.Henolongerlookslikeaboybandreject.ThecutofthenavybluesuitisdecentenoughI

won'tcomplainhe'snotwearingatie.Imakenotetohaveanextrainmybriefcaseonhiscourtdays,but
ifI'mdoingmyjobrighthewon'tneedit.

Ipushoutofthechair.“Haveyoueatenlunch?”
“Notyet.”
Ipushthespeakerbutton.“Gwen,whatconferenceroomsareopen?”
“ConthethirdfloorandAonthefirst.”
“I'llbetakingC.OrdersomeThai.”Igrabhisfileandalegalpad.“Followme.”
“UnclePsaidhebelievesI’minnocent.”
“That’sgood.”
There’snobangstohidebehind.Iseethewayhisgazeshutters.“HesaidIcouldtrustyou.”
“Areyougoingto?”
Hesmiles.“Ipleadthefifth.”
“Wiseass.”
Thesmiledipsandthenfades.“Istilldon'tgetwhywe'redoingallofthis.Theyhaven'tarrestedme.

Theymightnot.Idon’tknowwhytheyarefocusingonmewhensomeonekilledmyfriend.”

IthinkofallthecasesI’vebeenhandedovertheyears.“Inourworld,it’sthepeoplewholoveyou

whoputsaknifeintoyou.Don’ttakeitpersonally.”

“That’sdepressing.”
Ishrug.Ihaven’tmademypeacewiththat.Itjustis.“Thisiswhywe’regoingoveryourstoryuntil

it’stightasadrum.Thefastertheymovefromyou,thefastertheycanfocusontherealculprit.”

“Iguess.”
Evenrepeatcustomersfindthewholeprocessofthejusticesystemtiring,butI'veyettoseeGabriel

standupstraightlikehemeansit.Ikeepforgettinghelostafriendtomurder.Shitlikethatstickswithyou
forever,especiallywhentherewasn'tacasketormakeuptoprettyupthedeath.

If his grief becomes a problem for the case, I'll deal with it. Today his mental health isn't my

problem.He'llstandunderthegrilling.I'llexplainwhatwe'lldogoingforward.

AndthenI'llpickupsomeitemsfromthegrocerystorebeforeIhitKennedy'splace.Ileadtheway

totheconferenceroombecausenothingisgoingtokeepmefromseeingher.

CHAPTERSEVEN

At6:25IthroweverythingIneedintomybriefcase.Idon'tofferagoodbyetoasinglepersonasI

exitthebuilding.I'mnotgoingtohavetimetohitthegrocerystore,butKennedyisn'ttheonlypersonwith
awell-stockedfridge.Ihavechickenbreasts,freshvegetablesandeverykindofpasta.Honestly,pesto
shouldonlybeeatenwhenit'smadefromscratch.

ThepromiseofseducingKennedy,makingherblush,blindsmetoallelse.I'moutofmycarbeforeI

evennoticetheoneparkedacrossthestreetfrommyhouse.It'stheonlyotherplacetopark.

My mother steps out of the silver Mercedes. No pumps for her but black, thin heels. A formfitting

dress, also black. She's a brunette, looks about forty, mainly because she dyes out the gray strands.
Sunglassescoverherbrowneyes.Idon'tneedtoseethered-rimmededgestoknowshe'scriedtoday.It's
whyshe'satmyhouse,forcingthisimpromptuvisit.Sheneedstoseemyface,touchit,andremindherself
shedidn'tspendthelastthirtyorsoyearsalone.Myfatherhappened.

I don't want to do that for her, but if there's any shred of humanity inside me it's because of my

mother.That'sthekicker.MyfatherandmotherhadasolidrelationshipfromwhatIcouldsee.Hewas
differentwithher.Shewashisonlyweakness.ProbablytheonlythingmyfatherandIhadincommon.

Iwaitforheratthedoorandtakeherarmtoleadherinside.“Mother.”
Hermouththinsintoafrown.“YouknowIhatewhenyoucallmethat.Didyougetmymessages?”
“Beenbusy.PlannedtocallyouwhenIhadafreemoment.”
Shetiltsherfaceupsomehowappearingprimanddisapproving.“Youlookfreenow.”
Ismileatthedig.“Ihaveplansfortonight.IfIseemlikeI'mdoingmybesttopushyoubackoutthe

door,that'swhy.”

Sheseemssofragilestandingnexttomewhenshechuckles.It'sarusty,not-often-usedsound.“Here

IthoughtI'dgetawarmwelcome.”

“Noyoudidn't.I'vebeenavoidingyou.”
Herbrowsgoup.“WhydoyouthinkIshoweduponyourdoorstep?”
Ididn'tgetallmyruthlesstendenciesfrommyfather.Gottarespectthemthough.“Tea?”Iguideher

towardthekitchen.

“Onlyifyouhavechamomile.Otherwise,water.Coldwater.”
Awomanwhoknowswhatshewantsanddemandsitraisedme.Iamaproductofmyupbringing.I

preptheteapot,andontheslyIsendatexttoKennedytoletherknowI'vebeeninvadedbyaparent,but
Istillhaveeveryintentionofstoppingby.ShereplieswithaseriesofphotosofNewYorkstylesteaks
marinatinginbutterandlemon.

Itwouldbeeasytogetlostinthepotentialofthemoment,butIknowwhymymotherishere.The

bestwaytodealwithitistocuttothechase.“IsCoreybeingreasonable?”

“No.”
Isigh.
WhoisCorey?
Myassholeofacousin.Withmyfathergone,he'stheAlexanderoftheAlexanderandAssociates.

ForaslongasIcanrememberhewastheguymyfatherpointedtoastheperfectexampleofwhatIshould
be.

CoreymadethebackroomdealthatallowedhimtoattendBrownwithoutcoughingupadime.He

startedatthebottomofthetotempoleofmyfather’sfirm.Heonlylanguishedthereforsixmonthsbefore
climbinguptheranks.Hehadservedhisdues.

Aftermyfather'swillwasread,hetookoverasownerandco-managingpartnerofAlexanderand

Associates.

With that, my mother is owed money. She's in charge of the programs that she pushed my father to

investin,andoneofthoseincludeshiringmorewomenonstaffandnotassupport.

Imadethechoicetooptoutofthefight,andyethereIam.She'smymother.HowcanIbackdown?

Shit,thisis whyIdidn't callherback. WhenIwalked fromthe firmIwanted tobedone withthisshit
forever.Nothingcouldpullmebackin.OrsoIthought.

Six...no, seven months ago my seventy-year old father died peacefully in his sleep leaving my

mother,atfifty-five,withawholelotmorelifetolive.Andherownambition.

I'mgoingtofixthisforher.Fuckme.
“Whatdoyouneedmetodo?”IsoundasannoyedandconflictedasIfeel.
“Nothing,”shebrushesasidetheoffer.“Nothing.”
Ipinchthebridgeofmynoseanddigdeepforpatience.“Mom.”
ShespreadsherhandslikeI'vebrowbeatenherintotakinghelp.“Ijustwanttobeatthenextboard

meeting.”

IbringtheteatoherandsheletsitsteepasItrytofindaneasierwaytogiveherthis.Theboardis

madeupofseniorpartnerswhohaveboughtintothefirm.Myfathergaveherasmallshareintheeventof
hisdeathshewouldn’tbedestitute.Mycousin’sfirstdutyasactingownerwastochangethebylawsand
statethatanyonewithlessthansevenpercentofsharesarebarredfromboardmeetings.

She has no leg to stand on other than the fact she poured blood, sweat and tears into the business.

She’snotasaint.Idon’tholdheruponapedestal.Iloveheranyway.HelpsthatIrespectthefuckoutof
herandknowshe’llcontinuetodogoodforthefirm.

“Anythingelse?”
Thelinesaroundhereyesdeepen.“Letmeseeyou.”
Myguttwistsattherequest.No.ThismomentiswhyIdidn'twanttoseeher.Idragmyselfoverto

thetabletositinthechairbesideher.Shepressesahandtomycheek.Iknowwhatshesees.Thedark
brows,darkeyes.Thesharpslopeofmycheekbones.Thewavystrandsthatareslickedbackandnever
unkempt.

Myfather.
Shemisseshim.
Sometimesthat'sallmymothercanseewhenshelooksatme.He'sthelastpersonIwanttobe,but

sometimeshecrawlsoutofmymouthandinmyactions.

Her love for him makes me question my apathy occasionally. He couldn't have been that bad. He

neverraisedahandtome.Healsoneverraisedahandtoshowmeaffection.Neveroncepaidmemind
unlessithadtodowithbeinganAlexander.Hislastfuckyoucameintheformofcuttingmeoutofhis
willandgivingAlexanderandAssociatestomydickheadofacousin.

Butshelovedhim,andsheneedsthis.
HowcanIsayherloveforhimismisplacedorillogical?I’mharshattimes,butI’mnevercruel.Or

atleastIdon’tthinkIam.There’sthatfuckinggoodguytostopmeoccasionallyafterall.

Hewasbornfromachessgame.Onesummer,myfathersatmedownanddecidedtoteachmehow

toplay.Iwashomefromboardingschool.Mymother,Iamsure,hadurgedmyfathertobondwithme.We
couldconnectashetaughtmehisfavoritegame.Hehadachessboardmadeandwouldplaybyhimselfor
withafriendeveniftheywouldonlycommunicatebyphone.

Myfatheralsolikedtostandoncliffsandbrood.
Butthatsummerhewouldn’tplayanyoneelsebutme.Ilostsoundly,fortwomonths.Thenoneday

my father swiped every piece off the board, glared at me and told me to stop acting like I didn’t know
howtoplaythegame.

Inevertoldmymotherthat.Why?Shewashappytoseesonandfatherspendingtimetogether.Iwas

happytolivethatlietoo.Ikeptlosingsohewouldpatientlyteachme,payattentiontome.

AfterthatthoughIbeathimateverysinglegameweplayedfortherestofthesummer.Attheendof

that,ournextrealhearttoheartwaswhenhetoldmeIwoulddowhathesaidifIwantedcollegepaidfor.
Andafterthat,whenhecutmeoutofAlexanderandAssociates.

Warmandfuzzy,right?
Allmymothercanseeisherhusbandandsonspendingtimetogether,andhowwetalkedeveryday.

Herloveforhimmakesherblindandacceptbullshit.Myloveforherletsmeforgiveherforfailingme.

Ishouldrefusetolethersinkhergriefintomybones,butthat’slikelynevergoingtohappen.She’s

myfuckingmother.

MyphonebuzzesandIbreakawayfromthetouch.
Legs.Beautifully,barelegsfillsmyphone'sscreen.Yeah.There'salsoasteakinthepicturebutthat's

notwhatIfocuson.

“Ireallyneedtogo.I'llhittheboardupandletthemknowtoexpectyou.”
“Notea?”Shepursesherlipsforasecond.“Nocatchingup?Iwanttoknowhowyou'redoing.”
“I'mfine.”
Shebrushesherfingersalongmybrow.“Younevertalkaboutyourfather.”
Myjawtightenswithreflectiveanger.“Didhetalkaboutmebeforehedied?”
She folds her hands in her lap and doesn't reply. It's answer enough. She sighs. “You both are,

were...soverystubborn.”

“Hewasmyfather.Heshouldhavebeenthebiggerman.Hewasn't.”
“Doyouthinkhedidn'tcareaboutyou?”
WhatdidKennedysay?Actionsspeakslouderthanwords.“No.”
It’swhyIdon’tmisshim.WhenIthinkofhimthere’snopainorache.There’sonlyangerordisgust.
Hereyesareonmine.IknowsheseeshowIfeelabouthim.“Youshouldn'thatehim.”
“Idon't.”MyphonegoesoffagainandKennedyiseatingasliverofthesteak.Hermouthgetsallmy

focusforthreeseconds.“I'mleaving.”

Shenarrowshergazeonmyface.“It'sawoman,isn'tit?”
“IfIsayyeswillyouletmeleavewithoutaguilttrip?I’mwillingtonegotiatethis.”
Shelaughsandpatsmycheek.Shelooks...happy.“Bekindtoher.”
“WhosaidIwasbeingmean?”
ShegivesmealongmotherstarethatprettymuchsaysIknowyou'refullofshit.Iplaceakissonher

foreheadafterIstand.“Lockupwhenyougo.Trynottobetoonosywhenyoulookthroughthings.”

“WhywouldIlookthroughyourthings?”
“BecauseIwon'topenuptoyouandbeemotionalandshit.”
Hereyeslightup.“Well,Ilearnedtoletyourbusinessbeyourbusinesswhenthemaidcomplained

aboutallthecrustysocksunderyourbed.Youwerefifteen,Ithink.”

Mycheeksheat.“Jesus,Mom.”Myphonesavesmefromanymoreofthisconversation.“Igottago.”
“Sinceeverytimeyou'velookedatyourphone,you'vesmiled,Iwon'tholdthisagainstyou.Callme

whenyoucan.”

Idon'tmakeanypromisesIdon'tintendtokeep.

CHAPTEREIGHT

“It'sunlocked.Comein!”
That's the greeting I get after knocking on Kennedy's apartment door. I “wipe my paws” like the

welcomematsaysthenenter.

Idon'tknowwhatIexpect,butit'sdefinitelynot...sleek.Herapartmentisneatlikemine.There'snot

athrowpillowoutofplace.Therearebooks,sure,buttheyallhaveatidyplaceonthebookshelvesthat
line half the room. The cream area rug perfectly blends with the forest green couches, glass coffee and
endtables.Ifnotforthefewpiecesofartonherwalls,theapartmentwouldbeordinary.

MaybeIexpectedboldercolorsandchoicesindesign.ThisisKennedywe'retalkingabouthere.No

matterhowmuchIgrowlorgripeather,sheneverbacksdown.Herplaceisso...

“Whatareyoudoing?”sheasks,andIcanonlyguessshe'sinthekitchen.
There's a hallway between us, and thin, very thin, damn walls if I can hear her and she's not

screamingatthetopofherlungs.

“Beingunimpressedwithyourapartment.”
Hersoftlaughterreachesme,andIfollowthesound.
“Youaresouppermiddleclass,Duke.”Hervoicegetsclearer.
“I'mbuyingyouabeanbagandknockingoversomebookstoliventheplaceup.”
“Gifts,already?”
Ihitthecorner,openmymouthtoreply,andtheworldkindofstopsspinningonitsaxis.Fuckthe

boringdecorations,thisiswhatIexpectedfromKennedy.

Forthismomenttofullysinkin,letmepaintthepicture.
There'sacrispcitrusscentintheairbothfromthelemonsandthespices.Thecheapflorescentlights

surprisinglythrowoutawarmglowaroundtheroomandgivesaddedtexturetothewhitetilecountertops
andstainlesssteelfridge.Hersmalltouchesofredandwhiteplaidovenmitts,handtowelsandjarslitter
theroominvariousspots.Otherutensilsandappliancesarelineduplikelittlesoldierstothesideofthe
ovenandspillovertothefridge.

Andtheresheisinasmile,blackapronandhotpinkstilettos.
That'sit.Asmile,anapronandstilettos.
I'mgettingdizzyfromtheamountofsideboob.
Thisisheaven.Idon'tcarewhatanymansays.Hehasapornfantasybucketlist,andatleastthree

willbecliche-ridden.He'lldaydreamaboutyou,atleastonce,begginghimtofixyourpipesorwearinga
schoolgirloutfit—inmycase,cominghomefromahardday'sworktoanakedwomaninmykitchen.

Foodandsexhitsmycavemanbuttons.Sueme.
Kennedywearingapencilskirtandheelswasthefakejab.Thisistheone-two-punch.Aweakerman

woulddroptohiskneesandpraisethegroundshe'sstandingon.Icallonyearsofrestrainttohelpme
throughthemoment.Thismeansslowlyputtingmysackoffoodonthecounterandkeepingmyeyeson
herswhenIsmile.

“Dinnersmellsgood.”
Shelaughs.“God,yourpokerfaceismagnificent.”
SheturnsaroundtotendtoherfoodandI...justcan't.I'mTiffyfromConnecticutwholovespumpkin

spicelattesandIcannot.

Her red hair flows down her back and shifts with her subtle movements. My eyes can't help but

followthetrailofstrandsallthewaydown.Herhairstopsjustshyofhertailbone.OfcourseIletmy
gazedipforthesecond—no,thirdfavoritepartofher.Kennedyisabsoluteperfectionfromthepromiseof
dimplesalongthebottomcurvewhereherassmeetsherthighstothefaintstretchmarksalongherhips.

Iswallow,butthere'snotenoughairinherkitchenformetotakeadeepbreath.

“Wantataste?”sheasksoverhershoulder.“Ihaveafewsteaksreadytogo.Islicedthembutthey

arestilltenderandjuicy.”

I'veneverbeenhungrier.“Feedme.”Myanswerismoreofagrowl.
Hersmileiswickedwhensheoffersmeaforkfulofmeat.“Iseeyoulistenedtomeandbroughtan

appetite.Cometaste.”

IntwostridesI'mpushingheragainstthecounterandgrippingherwrist.Imakesuretoholdhergaze

whenIclosemymouthoverthefork.“Notbad,”Imurmurandchew.

Herbreastsshiftbeautifullyundertheapron.“That'sit?Ihavetoquestionyourpalate.”
Ireleaseherhand.“Trustme.Iknowwhatwouldtastegoodrightnow.”
“Doyou?”Sheplayscoybybattingherlashes.“What?”
There's the line. She wants me on my knees. I appreciate the hell out of the show, and the joie de

vivreinwhichshedeliversit.I'mgoingtorewardherhandsomely,butsheneedstounderstandthisthing
we'redoingishappeningonmyterms.Callmeacontrolfreak,butthat'sthewayit'sgoingtobe.We've
goneonthisridewithherinthedriver'sseat,andseehowlongthattookforanythingtohappen–again?
No.Thisismygamenow.Let'sseeifshecanbestme.

Mystaretracksdown.Eveninanapronshehascleavage.That'sunfair.“Ifyou'redonecookingIcan

showyouwhattastesgood.”

She bites her bottom lip. “Dessert is chilling in the fridge. I'm just waiting for the corn to finish

steaming.”

“Okay.”Igrinather.“Ineedacastironskillet.”
Herbrowsslashdown.“What?”
“Oranydeepdishpanyouhave.Mixingbowlsforthepestoisalsoneeded.”Ikeepthelaughoutof

mytone,barely.“Icandefinitelyusesomehelpchopping.Ibroughtalotofbasilandspinach.”

Shepushesmebackastep,theannoyanceclearinthetautlinesofhershoulders.“You'regoingto

cook?”

Iblinkatherforasecond.“IthoughtthatwaswhyIcameover?”
“Duke,”shesaysslowly,“you'renotstupid.”
“Nope.”
Shenarrowshereyes.Shewantstofightonthispoint,forceustogettothegoodstuff.Eventually

sheremembersI'mstubbornashellwithahuff.“Everythingyoumightneedisinthatcabinet.”

Notwantinghertobetoopissedatme,Icupthenapeofherneckbeforeshebreaksfree.ThekissI

give her is soft, wet, slow. I linger long enough our tongues tangle, sliding along each other in the best
possibleway.Ibreakitaftershemoansintomymouth.

“Iliketheoutfityouworeforme.”
“Oh.”Lustandfrustrationtanglesaroundthesingleword.“Soyounoticed?”
She'sstillpissywithme,butwe'lldealwiththatlater.“Behave.You'reinenoughtroubleasitis.”
“Trouble?”
“Yup.”
Shebreaksfromthemini-prisonIhadcagedherin.Ishouldpointoutthere'sagleamofpayback-is-

a-bitchinhergoldeneyes.And,yeah,there'salotofbendingoverassheselectsawinefromherfridge.
Evenmoretitjostlingwhenshepopsthecork.Closecontactandrubbingwhenshegivesmeaglassofmy
own.Mydickcondemnsmetohellfornotactingontheopeninvitationtomakeahomeinthewetwarmth
being offered, but there's a long game in my masochistic actions. I have to remind myself of that
repeatedlyasIprepmymeal.

Eventually she realizes nothing can break me and lays out a towel on the counter and hops up to

watchmecook.

“So...howwasyourmother?”

I can almost feel my mother’s small, strong hand cupping my cheek again. That helps my painful

erectiondeflate.“Sheneededhelpdealingwithmycousin.I'mgoingto...dowhatIdo.”

“Andthatis?”
“Remindhimhe'snottheonlylivingAlexander.”
Herbrowsgoupbutsheonlysipsherwineforasecond.“Whatdoesthatinvolve?”
“Alunchatahighpricedrestaurantisthestart.”
“That,rightthere,iswhyyouoftencomeacrosslikeamobboss.”Shesticksoutherchinandcurls

herlowerlip.HervoiceisraspyliketheGodfatherwhenshesays,“Wewillcometoanunderstandingas
webreakbread.”

“Iamdescendedfromalong,pridefullineageofblackIrishimmigrants.Catholictothecore,who

wouldneverbreakthelawortheirmother'shearts.”

“Right,”shesaysinadrolltone.“Proudlyreligiouspeopleneverbreakthelaw.”
Ionlysmile.“Flour?”
Shepointstooneofthemanyjarsshehaslinedupnearthefridge.“It'sthesecondbiggestone.”She

crossesherlegatthekneeandleansbackonherpalm.“Icanseeyouknowyourwayaroundakitchen.
That'sstrangeforme.”

“Why?”
“Foodisanecessity,andIsortofimaginedyoudealtwitheatingefficiently.Youalsoworktoomuch

tohavethetime.Yousufferfromsporadicimpatience.”Hergringoeswide.“Icouldgoon.”

Ihavezerodoubtshecould.Irollmyshouldersofallthetruthsshejustlaidonme.“Ilikebeing

goodatwhateverIdo.”

Shesipsherwine.“Shouldhaveseenthatansweramileaway.Whatelseareyougoodat?No.What

doyoudoforfun?”

Iaddahalfacupofflourthebroththat'ssimmering.WhenitboilsI'lladdthechicken,andtherest

whenit'sready.Herfoodsimmersonthebackburners,andshedoesn'tseemedworriedaboutit.

“What'sfun?”
Shesnorts.“It'ssomethingyoudoinyourfreetimethat'snotwork...orinanywayanobligation.”
“I spend time with my friends. Nate likes building shit, so I build shit with him. Tarek does this

sportstrekthingindesolateplacesforhimselfandforclientsatthegym.WhenI'mwrangled,Idothat
withhim.”

She'sshakingherhead.“Natebuilds.Tarekexplores.Youdo?”
Myminddrawsablankatthequestion.Irarelyhavethetimetoindulgeinanything.Fuckingdoesn't

count.Reading,thoughenjoyable,isn'twhatshemeans.

IfrownasIsearchfortheanswer.There'snoonethingthatIconsiderfun.Fishingboresme.I've

learnedtobegrudginglylikegolf.Iwatchwhatevercatchesmyinterestontelevision,butI’mnotafanof
oneshowinparticular.InthelastsixmonthsthoughIcanlistalotofthingsItriedbecauseitcaughtmy
interest.

“Challengemyself,Iguess.LearnsomethingIdon'tknow.”
“Whatwasyourlastchallenge?”
“Rockclimbing.Ihateit.”IlaughrememberingallthebitchingIdiduntilIgotit.“ButIcandoit

now.”

“Youvenivediviciinyoursparetime?”Herlaughspillswarmthintome.“Iloveit.”
“I guess I do.” I add a few spices to the thickening broth then I use a wooden spoon to catch a

mouthful.“Tastethis.”

I hold my hand beneath her chin to catch any stray droplets but I watch her eyes as she tastes the

concoction.Herlashesflutter,andhercheeksflushwhenthefull-bodiedtexturehitsher.Inod.

“That's...prettygood.”

“Ihaven'taddedtheactualfoodyet.Justconcedenowwe'llbefuckingatmyplace.”
Sheglancesdownanduncrossesherlegs.“Areyousureaboutthat?Youhaven'ttrieddessertyet.”
There'snobettertimeforthelessonthannow.Ilowertheheatonthepotandoffermyhandtohelp

herdownfromthecounter.Hereyeslightwiththetasteofherwin.She'sgotme.I'mgoingtodowhatshe
wants.

Itellher,“IwasremindedhowimportantitistobeclearaboutwhatIneed.”
“Sex?Iwantyoutotakemeonmykitchentable.Thecounter.Ihaven'tbeensubtleaboutthefactI

wanttofuckyou.I'mokaywiththat,Duke.Youhavemyconsent.Tenfold.Iknow...whatyouneed.”

Her mouth says that. I don't think she gets how deep, dark or twisted the rabbit hole can get. She

shouldknowbeforeshejumpsin.Shecaughtaglimpseandran.Smartfuckingwoman.

IhesitateandrealizeI'mbeingthegoodguyagain.It'ssuchanuncomfortableskin.
Needing a moment to shed him, I bring her hand to my mouth and kiss her knuckles. Each one,

slowly.Myheartbeatremainsonfull-throttle,butmyskinnolongerfeelstight.

“WhatdidItellyouthefirsttimewefucked?”
“Yousaidalot,Duke.”
“Whenyou'reinmybed,you'remine.Iwillneverleaveyouwanting.Never.”
“Okay,”shesays,soundingbreathless.
“IalsotoldyouthismorningIneededtimetodoeverythingIwantedtodotoyou.Didyounottrust

me?”

Sheworriesherlipbeforesaying,“Andwhatdoyouwanttodotome?”
“Everything.” I inhale to beat back the need to do it all now. “Slowly. With care. Then again and

again.”

Her mouth parts. “And my being naked under this apron stops you...how?” Her lips quirk up. “I'm

evengoingtofeedyoufirst,soyoudon'trunoutofenergywhenyouhavetodoitagainandagain.”

Idropherhandtograbahandfulofherhair.“Thatmouthofyours.”
Hereyesbrightenatthepossessivehold.“Andstillyoulikeit.”
Ifuckingdo.I'mnotsureifthat'stheproblemorthesolution.“Despitemybetterjudgment,I'mgoing

togiveyouonelastchancetorun.Istillmightchaseyou.Fairwarning.”

Sheputsherhandsonmyshirtthenflicksopenabutton.“Runfromwhat?”
“Me.”
Sheopensanotheruntilherfingersbrushoverthehair.“HowmanytimesdoIhavetotellyouI’m

notafraidofyou?”

Butshehadbeen.Ifnotmedirectly,howImadeherfeel,orevenwhatbeingwithmecoulddoto

her.Igentlytugherheadbackandbringhermouthleveltomine.Sheleansforwardtokissme,andIpull
back, shaking my head. Heat flashes in her golden gaze, but she remains still, waiting for me. I run my
tongueoverhertoplip.Hereyelidslowerasshemoans.

“Bendoverthetable.”Idropmyhandfromhersilkystrandsandwait.
Shebringsherfingersuptohermouth.“That'sit?
“I'lltellyouwhattodonext.”
SheputsanicelittlehiprollinherwalkasshedoeswhatIask.Kennedyplacesherforearmsalong

thetable,restsherpalmsflat,andthenglancesbehindtolookatmewithhoodedeyes.

I keep harping on the three years, but something has happened in that time. She's always been a

vixen.Shehasalwaysseemedwillingtojumpheadfirstevenifshe'sscaredorunsure.Butnowthere'sa
certaintyinthewayshe'sglancingbackatme.AsthoughsheunderstandsIneedcontrol,notasagame,
butaneed.Controldoesn'tjustgetmeoff,it'smysafetynet.It'showIcanfunctioninanygivensituation.

Icouldalsobeprojecting,wantinghertounderstandmorethanshedoes.
Doesn't matter at the moment. She's bent over with her ass arched up. Her naked I could ignore,

painfully,yes,butIcouldhave.This is my siren's call. I pluck the wooden spoon from the counter and
walkovertoher.

CHAPTERNINE

Kennedy’s gaze falls to my hand and what I’m holding. “Shouldn't we have safewords for this? A

contract?”

Itrailacirclealongherleftasscheekwiththewoodenspoon.Iflickmywristandgiveheratasteof

whatIplantodo.Sheonlyhisses.Herskinturnspinkwherethewoodmetflesh.

“'Stop'willdofornow.”
Sheresituatesherlegs,spreadingthemjustafewincheswider.Itiltmyheadandenjoytheview.

Herassisanupsidedownheart.Theswellstartsjustbelowthedimpleofherlowerbackandcurvesout
deliciously.

There'sathin,squarepatchofredhairframingherpussylips.Theyglistenandpuckeroutasthough

unhappywithbeingignored.I'mtemptedtopressmymouthtoherandwhisperpromises.

AndbecauseIdo,Iflickmywristagain.Again.Again.Irubthewoodagainstalongthereddened

skintosoothethesting.“DidImakeyoucomewhenyouwereinmybed?”

“Yes.”
Whack.Whack.“DidInotpromiseyoumoreintime?”
“Yes.”
Whack.Sheletsoutawhimper.Iswitchsidesforthenexthit.“Thenwhyweren'tyoupatient?”
Sheglaresatme.“Thisispunishment?”
I shake my head, switching the spoon to my other hand. I slide my palm over her pussy. “It's an

understanding.Doyouwanttocomeagain?Doyouneedmore?”

Shecloseshereyesandarchesherbackalittlemoreforme.Iplaywithherclit,lettingherenjoythe

pleasureforamoment.And,fuck,enjoyitmyself.Herlipsaresoplumpandslickfromhercream.

“Kennedy...”Iwarnafteraminutewithnoanswer.
Sheclenchesaroundmyfingers.“Howoftendoyouwantmetosayit?”
“Everytime.”
Shegasps,bendingherheadforward.Herhairslidesoverhershouldersinasilkycurtain.AsIwait

forhertogetthecourage,Ipether,explorethewetfleshofherslit.Shelooksgoodenoughtoeat.My
mouthwatersatthethought.

“Allyouhavetodoisask,”Igrowlather.
Her groan scrapes over me when I push two fingers into her cunt. If she doesn’t answer soon, I’ll

giveherathirduntilshecan’tspeak.

“Canyoumakemecome?”hervoiceisawhisper.
Icurlmyfingersinsideherandrubinslowcircles.Sheballsherhandsagainstthetableandpresses

herfaceintoit.She'stheprettiestpicture.Icanclosemyeyesandholdtheimageofherinmymindand
comewithouttouchingmyself.I'msofuckingtemptedasshesqueezesmyfingers,soakingthem.

Butalessonneedstobetaught,andI'manunrepentanttaskmaster.Idropmyhandandlandanother

blowwiththewoodenspoon.Hersharpcrydigsintome.

“Whatdoyouwant,Kennedy?”Islidethespoondownoverherpussylips.Thethreatisunspoken.

“Thisormyhand.”

She'squietforthelongestmoment.“Yourmouth.”
HeransweriswhyIdon'tdosafewordsorliveinthelifestyle.I'dbeashitDom.I'mreadytobuckle

atherrequest.Shecanhaveanythingshebegsfor.Fuckthelesson.Iwanthercomedrippingdownmy
chin.“It'syou,notsteakthat'sfordinner?”

“God,please,”shemurmurs.
Shewins.Handsdown.IsuckinairtoholdontothecontrolIdohave.Itfuckinghurtstonotdowhat

shewantsthenandthere,butthisisthewarningI’mtryingtogiveher.Thereasonsheshouldrun.Thisis

whatIneedsometimes—thepain.Hersandmine.I'llnegotiateonhow—I'mnotthathard-core.

Butshe’sstilltoomuchofagoodgirlformetotellherwhatIwant,indetail.
IbreathethroughmynostrilsuntilIcansay,“Thenletmebeagoodguestandpullupachair.”
Ihelpherturnaroundandlayonthekitchentablebecausethere'sstillsomegoodguyburiedinme.

ButIdograbachairandsitwithherpussyrightthereinmyface.

“Spread....”Sheshiftsandherclitsitsouttosayhi.“Justlikethat.”
Withoutnapkinsorutensils,IhaveKennedyfordinner.Iignorealletiquette.Imakeamess.Iloudly

slurpmymeal.Iusemyhands.Ilickmyfingerswhenit'ssodamngood.Idon'tstopwhenI'mfull.From
thewaysheliftsherhipshalfoffthetableandmoansIdon'tthinkshemindsmymanners.

Ihavetosay,bestmealI'vehadinawhile.
She serves me about three courses before I seat my fingers deep and stand. The way her pussy

clenchesaroundthedigits,Iknowshe'sacomehereawayfromsoakingmeuptomywrist.She'sflushed
fromheadtotoeandlookingatmeasthoughI'mtheonlymanintheworld.

Ican'tdescribehowthatfeels,butitsinksintomeuntilallIcanfeelismyheartbeatinmytemples

andmycock.

“Isthereanythingelseyouwant,sweetheart?”I'llgiveittoher.I'dgiveheranythingaslongasshe

keepslookingatmelikethat.

“Yes,”shepants.
“What?”
Iknowtheanswerthemomenthergazetravelsdown.Mydickstrainsagainstmypantsandiswilling

to answer for her. Because my sadistic streak runs a mile long, I curl my fingers and rub her sensitive
spot.Shecan'tanswerifshe'ssingingforme.

AndIknowifIletherspeak,she'llwin.Icangiveherpleasurethatbreaksher,andshe'llstillfind

thewordsthatweakenme,thatremindmenomatterhowsmartorcunningIcanbe,Kennedyis...shelives
intheblackandwhite.

Adecentmanfucksawomanwhogreetstheminjustanapron.Adecentmanwouldhaveshovedhis

cockdeepintoherbynow.Howcouldn'the?She'sdrippingandtight.She'sbegginginsoftsobsasImake
hercome.She'stuggingonhernipplesinawaythatletsmeknowI'mgoingtodecoratethemincharmsthe
firstchanceIget.

Thelessonisn'tforher,butme.IhavetodraghertothegrayareabeforeIcanletmydicktasteher

again.Thatmighttakeawhile.

AsshepantsDuke,Duke,Duke,Ican'tfindtheguiltforthat.

*****

There'ssomethinginherentlysoftaboutawomanwhohasjustcome.Kennedyistheepitomeofthat

asshesitsonmylapandfeedsmesteak.ThesmallfitoftheapronstillgivesmeallthesideboobIcould
ever wish for, but the heels are forgotten as we eat. She's enjoying my chicken and pasta, which I can
attestisnotbetterthanthemealshefedme.Butit'sclose.

“I'msurprisedit'sstilltender,”Itellher.
“Thebeautyofmediumrare.Believeitornot,Iusedtohateit.”
Iscowlather.“Youmeantosayyouruinedsteakuntilyoustartedtoeatitmediumrare?”
Shelaughs,andyeahhereyessparkle.“Haveyouevereatenawell-donesteak?”
“Blasphemy.Mymotherwouldhaveneverletme.”
Shepursesherlips.They'rekiss-swollenandIcan'thelpbutstare.She'srightonthataccount—Iam

fixatedwithherlips.AfterIwasdonewithher,Ipulledherintomeandusedmymouthonhers.HadInot
putthebrothonthelowestsetting,Imighthaveburnedmyportionofdinnerjusttryingtogetmyfill.

“You'reamama'sboy,aren'tyou?”
“Ileftmymotherinthedusttogetoverhere.Iverymuchdoubtthatmakesmemama'sboyofthe

year.”Itipherheadbackandnipherbottomlip.“MyfriendNategetsthataward.”

Hergazelightswithanotherlaugh.“Nate'sthemanwhore,right?”
“Retired.Heretiresfromalotofthings.”Ipushawayastrandofherhair.
I've noticed we never talk about her. I'm not so filled with my own hubris to believe I'm just that

interesting.Shedoesitwithasleightofhand.InaroundaboutwayIknowshe'sanonlychildlikeme.I
knowwhatschoolshewentto—thelocalCalState.ShehasadegreeinCriminalJusticesheneverdid
anythingwith.Iknowthesethings,andIknowher,butthedevilisinthedetails.

Iholdherstare.“Whattypeareyou?”
Hersmilefallsaway,andIcanalmostseeherclosedown.“Daddy'sgirl.”
Iraiseabrowwhennothingelsecomesafterherstatement.“Yourmother?”
“It'sonlybeenmydadsinceIwaslittle.”
Ishiftheronmylaptryingtoparsethroughwhatshesaid,andwhatshedidn'tsay.“I'msorrytohear

that.”

Sheblinksatme.“Wehavethatincommonnow,don'twe?”
“No.” The single word comes out harsh. “I'm pretty sure you have a mental treasure trove of hazy

memoriesofalovingmother.”

Shebrushesafingerovermylips.“Andyoudon'thaveanyofyourfather?”
“No.”Sheopenshermouthtodigformore.“No.”
Shesighs,andthere'sthedisappointment.Itdigsin.“Didyoustillwantdessert?”
“Iatethatfirst.”
“I do make it easy for you to say obscene things.” She shakes her head. “It's some Greek yogurt

concoctionIcameupwithafewyearsback.Ihaveallthefixings.”

“Chocolatesyrup?”Iglancedownattheapron.I'veyettogivetheproperpraisetoherbreasts.
“Cherriesandwhippedcream...”
Thingsaregoingtogetmessy.Somessy.Aloudbuzzfrommypantswaylaysthementalimages.“I

havetoanswerthat.”

Shesighsandstraddlesmylap,facingme.“Ialreadyknowit'sgoingtobesomethingyoucan'tput

off.You'regoingtohavetoleave.”

“It'llbenothing.”
Herbrowsgoup.“Isthat—no.Itcan'tbehopeIhear.”
Toldyouhopeisabitch.“Youhadapoint?”
“Iwanttomakeyoucome,”shewhispers.“That'sthenextthingIwant.”
ThreewaysIcangiveherexactlythatimmediatelycomestomindandtwoinvolvehertits.“Allyou

havetodotogetthatistouchmydick.”

“Really?”
“No.”
Sheshiftsandstartswithmybelt.ForamomentIconsidernotansweringmyphone.It'spushingten

atnight.Myclient,whoevertheyare,cansurviveanightinlockuporthedrunktankorwhatevertrouble
they'vefoundthemselvesin.

Thebuttonandzippergoesnext.Myphonestopsbeggingforattentionormyattentionistoofocused

onherhandclosingovermycock.Likelythelatter.AndmaybeI’mwrongaboutonlyneedinghertotouch
mydick.

Precome rises to the slit and she runs her finger over it, so fucking slowly. She spreads the liquid

overthetipuntilmorespillsout.Itugatheraprontopullhercloser,mycockgetstrappedbetweenus.

“Kennedy,yourmouthisn’tonmine.”
“I’mconsideringputtingitsomewhereelse.”
Mydicktwitches,andmygoddamnphonegoesoffagain.Shedropsherhandawaywithasigh.

Let'spausehere.
What sane heterosexual or bisexual man walks away from a naked and willing woman? You can't

relive some moments, so when one comes along and promises the best sex you'll ever experience, you
fuckyourgenitalsoff.

NeversaidIwassane.Won'tevenusethewordnormaltodescribemyself.Extremedeprivationis

kindofathemeofmylife.Idon'tknowhowtosaynotoworkoversex.I'msureKennedywouldlistthis
asoneofmymanyfaults.Iwouldn'targuewithheronthatone.

I'mmyambition.WhatIwantmorethanevensexwithKennedy,isseniorpartner.Icandoallthe

thingsI'vedeprivedmyselfofafterIgetit.

Untilthen...
Proceed.
Idigformyphoneandanswer.“Someonebetterbedead,”Igrowl.
“Arecopsallowedtoexecutewarrantsatnight?”
ProBonoBoy.Mydicksortofdeflates.“Atleastyou'resmarteningupandcallingforanattorney.

Aretheyatyourhouse?”

“They want my laptop and a few other things I took from my apartment. I—I haven't gone back.

Trevorhasn’teither.It’s...”

ImeetKennedy'seyesandmydicktriestoclimbupmytorsotochokemetodeath.“I'llbethereina

bit.Givethemwhatevertheyaskforonthewarrant,nothingmore.Getareceiptforwhatevertheytake.I
shouldbetherebeforetheyleavethough.”

Sherisesfrommylapandmydickflopstothesidetodie.Shit,Ialmostwhimper,butProBonoBoy

isstillyappinginmyearaboutthingsthatdon'tmatter.Ifixmyselfwiththephoneproppedagainstmyear.
Twominuteslater,Iendthecall.

Kennedycouldn’tbefurtherawayfromme.“AnotherdayIguess,”shesays.
SoundslikeagoodideauntilIremember.“Ihaveadepotomorrow.”
“You'rebusy.SoamI.CallmewhenyoucangivemewhatIwant.”
She'll have to bring me paperwork at some point tomorrow and I'm going to find a very dark

stairwayornooktodragherto.Shit,ifIhaveto,Iwillthrowanofficepartytogeteveryonedrunksono
onenoticeswhatI'mdoinginmyoffice.

I'mgoingtomakeawaytobewithhertomorrow.
Andthat'snewandunsettling.
Shechucklesatsomethingsheseesinmyexpressionthenshakesherhead.“Go,Duke.Youhaveto.”
“What?”
“It'sjust...nothing.It'snothing.Go.MykitchenisamessandIneedtocleanitbeforebed.”Herarms

arecrossedoverherchest.

IknowIshouldgotoher,saysomethingsoft,orattheleastkissher,butmyphonebuzzesagain.It's

ProBonoBoy.He’smytickettoseniorpartner.Ijustleave.

CHAPTERTEN

“Youlooklikecrapwarmedovertwice.”NateannouncesthisloudlyoverLondon-Berggym'sshit

music.

Atleastthreepeopleinthevicinityturntocheckthetruthofhiswords.Theyallwearthekindof

gymgearthatlooksgoodyetnotused.London-Bergisthatkindofplaceforthemostpart.Thetreadmills,
mats,othercontraptionsoftorturearealwaysnewandup-to-date.ForafewmonthstheyletNateteachan
introtostrippingcourse.So,yeah,mostofthepeoplewhocomehavemoremoneythansense.

Yet I’m not surprised when the rubberneckers grimace at the sight of me then get back to their

workouts.Ihaven'thadagoodnight'ssleepintwodays.IdealtwithProBonoBoy'swarrant,reassured
himthisiswhathappenswhenthepolicebuildamurdercase.Iknockedoutdeposonthreewitnesses.I
putoutfiresforvariouscasesthatIcouldn'tletsmolder.

WhatIhavenotdoneisKennedy.
Idriftovertothematinfrontofthemirrorandwipeatthesweatthreateningtoleakintomyeyes.

“Andyoulooklikeyoushitrainbows.Robyn'sturnedyouintoagoddamnunicorn.”

Hegrinsandthesmileindentsthescaronhischeek.Ifnotforit,he'dlookboyishandinnocentwith

hisdirtyblondhairandalmostpristineworkoutgear.Whyisthatimportanttonote?Beforemarriagehis
idea of a good time involved talking a woman out of her underwear so he could sniff them. His wife
Robyn seems to be fine with that part of her duties. Takes all kinds, and explains why Nate loves her.
He’sfuckedupinthehead.

Besidethepoint.It’sbeenafewmonthssincetheysaidIdo.Hestilllookscontent.I'veknownhim

sincecollegeandIdon'tthinkI'veeverseenhimwithoutarestlessedge.It'sinterestingtosaytheleast.

IscantheroomforTareksincehewastheonewhocalledthisimpromptumeetatbutt-fuckearlyin

themorning.He'shardtomissbeingthathe'stall,builtlikeagoddamntank,blackandtatted.“IsTarek
evenhere?”

“Yeah. His first client for the day showed up around the same time I did. He should be done in a

few.”Nateaddstwentypoundweightstothebenchpress,oneafteranother.“Where'sthefire?Youdon't
havetoheadintoworkforatleasttwohours.”

IthrowmytowelaroundmyshoulderssoIcantugonbothendsandrestmyneck.“Unlikeyouand

Mr.Sunshine,Iprefersleeptoworkingout.”

“Workingout?WhatIdoismaintenance.Whatyoudoisbitchforanhour.”
CanIarguewiththattruth?No.Itmakesmelaugh.“I'llgiveyouthat.”
“Comespotme,orTarekwilldohisownbrandofbitching.”
IcirclethebenchpressandwaitforNatetogetintotherightposition.Whenhe'sready,Ihelplower

thebarashecountsoffhisreps.Hecyclesthroughthreebeforetakingarest.

“WhileI'mthinkingaboutit,”Isay,“ImightneedyouguystohelpmewithCorey.”
“Thatasshole?Again?”
IsmileatNate.Corey...helikestobecalledMr.Alexander.Hemadehimselfinhisfather'simage,in

myfather's,too,lookedinthemirrorandlikedwhatreflectedback.It'smydutytofuckwithhim.Ifyou
wanttogetbluebloodaboutit,it'smybirthright.Corey'sfatherwasbornaftermine.

But really, he's a dick. I take pleasure in nut punching him when I can. “He's trying to elbow my

motheroutofthefirm.”

“Whateveryouneedwhenyouneedit.”
That right there is why I don't see my friendship with Nate or Tarek as a weakness. We've known

eachotherfortenyears.Ontheface,wehavenothingincommon.I'manattorney.Nate,currently,makes
computersandYoutubevids.Heusedtobeastripper.Also,asoldier.Tarek'sapersonaltrainer.Tarek
hadhiseyeonbecomingadoctoruntiladrunkdrivercareenedintohiscar,breakingbothofhislegs.He

turnedtophysicaltherapyandfitnessingeneral.

BothmenhavenoqualmsbackingmenomatterwhatIaskofthem—neverhave.They'lllikelysay

thesameaboutme.

Wemetfreshmanyearincollege.Wewereallfailingalgebra,ofallclasses.Webitchedaboutthe

teacheroneafternoonandthencreatedastudygroupsowewouldn'tflunkoutlikemanyofourpeers.That
ledtogettingdrunk,trollingclubsforwomenandlifelongmalebonding.

Since then we've watched women come and go out of our lives, buried parents, invested in each

other in meaningful ways. My friendship with these guys doesn't make sense to anyone on the outside
lookingin,butthey'venevertreatedmelikeanAlexander.Shit,theykeepmefromfallingintotheabyss.
I'mwillingtodothesame.

So,yeah,Imightbitchaboutworkingoutorbeingatthegymearlyinthemorning.Iwilldefinitely

makemydispleasureknownwhenTarekasksforafavor—that'swhywe'rereallyhere.Yet...Idon'tknow.
Theykeepmetethered.Ivaluethat.

Nate'sfacecontortsashetriestolifttheweights.Igrabthebarbeforeitslipsfromhisgrasp.
ThehairsonmynapeprickleandIglanceovermyshouldertoseeTarekgloweringatNate.
“HowmanytimeshaveItoldyouyou'regoingtorearrangethatfaceofyours?”
Nateslidesdownthebench,beneaththebar,thensitsup.“IhadDuke.”
TarekpointsatmeinwhatIwouldcallanaccusingmanner.“Dukewasstaringoffintospace.”
Nate'shelpfulbysaying,“He'shavinggirltrouble.Goeasyonhim.”
Iscoff,thoughtechnically,he'sright.“Girltrouble?”
“Kennedy?”Tarekbrushesmeasidetonotchthebenchpress'sbarinplace.
“Kennedy who?” Nate asks, but that's not surprising. I'd bet money he'd forget his own name if it

wasn'tonlegaldocuments.

Iglareatthemboth.“You'vemether,Nate.Shecalledmeamobboss.”
“Oh.” His gaze seems to get misty with the memory of Kennedy. “She smelled like flowers and

cinnamon.”

My gut tightens at the description. There's nothing to file away and inspect later for further

considerationwhenIhavethetime.Thesharpstabofangerhaseverythingtodowithanothermanseeing,
thinkingofKennedy.Mywantingtograbmyfriendbyhisthroatandtwisthisheadoffhaseverythingto
dowiththefactI'vepissedacirclearoundher.Crossthatlineifyoudare.

I'monlyasavageforamomentbeforethehazeclears.EvenwhenNatefuckedanythingwithapulse,

he stayed monogamous until he moved on. He’s too old-fashioned to do anything else now that he’s
married.

Idomybesttosoundsaneandnon-jealouswhenIask,“Andwhydoyouthinkmymoodhasanything

todowithawoman?”

Heshrugs.“Ifitwaswork,youwouldhavetoldmeinpainstakingdetail.”NategesturestoTarek.

“Howdoyouknowit'sthisKennedy?”

“Thefrownlines.She'stheonlywomanwhomakeshimemote.”
NatemimicsTarek'swide-leggedstanceandtiltshishead.Theybothinspectmyface.“Yeah,”Nate

says.“You'reright.Italmostlookslikeangstaroundhisbrows.”

TarekdropshisheadbutIcanstillhearlaughter.AsecondlaterNatejoinsinwithhisowncackle.
Iflipthembothoff,withtwohands.“ShouldIbebotheredyouguysgossipaboutmyemotions?”
TarekelbowsNate,asmilefightingitswayout.“Getthis.Hehasn'tinvestigatedher.”
“Noshit?Didn'theinvestigatehismailmanonce?”
I sigh, because, yeah, I did, and I was right to find him suspicious. He was fucking my neighbor

whileonhisbreak.Mymarriedneighbor.“Canwegettowhywe'rehere?”

Tarekcrosseshisarms.Thetattoosarecoveredwithhislong-sleevedshirt.“Idon'tknow.Wenever

gettoteaseyouaboutthewomenyoudate.”

“We'renotdating.We're...complicated.Don'twanttogetintoit.”
HeglancesatNateanddramaticallynods.“Emoting,”Tarekfauxwhispers.
Teasingisonething.Thisisridiculous.“Doyouwanttotalkaboutthechurchgirlyoumadeweara

buttplugtowork?”

Nate'sheadwhipsbetweenus.“Andyoucallmetwisted.”
“Nothere.”Tarekglancesaroundthegym.Noone'sinearshot,buthefeelstheneedtoadd,“Iwas

datingher.”

I shake my head because that's not the point. “Let the record show you date women just to defile

them.Nojudgment,that'sjustfacts.Nowcanwemoveon?”

“Gladly,”Tarekagrees.
WebothlookatNate.There’sabeatofsilencethen,“Asmallbuttplug,ordidithaveatailattached

toit?”

Tarekjuststaresatourfriend.“Ican'ttakeyouguysanywhere.”Hegoeson,“Camping.Threedays.

Ineedacrewtogowithme.Iaskedmygo-tosandtheycan’tthistrip.”

Nategroans.“Mountainsordesert?”
Thefuckersays,“Well...it'sallincline.”
“When?”Iask.
“Thisweekend.”
It'sbeentwodayssinceIlastsawKennedy.I'vebeenputtingoutfiressoIcouldtaketheweekend

offandliterallyfuckhersixwaysuntilSunday.IstillhaveCoreytodealwith.Ialsohaveanappointment
with the DA deliver a smackdown on how they are handling Pro Bono Boy's case. They have a viable
suspect they keep overlooking, because they have a hard on for Gabriel. There were two people who
livedintheapartment,hadkeysandhadcontactwiththevictim.Eithertheyneedtoofficiallyfilecharges
onmyclientorleavehimalone.

Trekkingupmountainsisn'tintheplans.
Ihedge,“Isthiswhyyoupayforourgymmemberships?”
“Yup.”Heshiftshisfocusacrossthegym.Awomanwithasoftfaceandsofterhipssmilesathim.
“Apotentialgirlfriendoraclient?”Iask.
Hewinces.“You'rechangingthesubject.Doesthatmeanyoucan'tcome?Iwascountingonyou.”
Thatgoodguyinsideofme?TheoneIwanttostranglesohecandie?Yeah.Him.Hewakesup.It's

notjustsexIwalkawayfromwhenworkcalls.NateandTareklikelydon'tkeeptrackofhowmanytimes
I'vehadtoflakeonthem.I'mmuchtooaware.“Icancome.”

Tarekpointsatme.“Don'tbackoutlastminute.”
“I'mnot.”
Nateoffers,“I'llmakesurehecomes.Ican'tsufferalone.”
Tarekglancesdownasthoughheneedstohidehistruereaction.Helaughsasecondlater.“Youcan

bringKennedy.I'dlovetomeether,too.”

That'sathought.“Mysadistictendenciesaren'tthatbad.Campingwithyouisbrutal.”
Tarek'sattentionstraysbacktotheothersideofthegymwherethewomanwiththesofthipsattempts

tosetupatreadmill.

Nate meets my eye and there's a world of understanding. If work is my weakness, then women in

needofsavingareTarek's.I'veneverbeensureiffuckingthemissavingthem.Idon'task.

Eitherway,Natemutters,“Ithinkwe'velosthim.”
Tarekscowlsatus.“Shelooksgoodintights.”
“Andnowyou'llaskherforherhandinmarriagesoyoucandodepravedthingstoher.”Ishrug.“I

needtohavelunchwithCoreyagain.Maybebrunch.”

Henods.“Justsendmeatextifyouneedanythingfromme.”
The woman glances around the gym then frowns at the machine. I chuckle. A woman in distress.

That'sTarek'ssiren'scall.Hethrowsoutaseeyoulaterandgoestohelp.Orfuckher.LikeIsaid,Idon't
ask.

Ifrownafterhimthough.“Iworryabouthimsometimes.”
“He'llbefine.”Natepauses.“Shit,I'mturningintothatguy.”
“Whatguy?”
“Theonewhogetsintoapermanentrelationshipandthinkshe'sasageabouteveryrelationship.”
“Don'tbethatguy.Thatguy'sadouche.”
“Isolemnlyswear...”
Ilaughatthehalf-asspromise.ThisiswhyIletmyfriendsdragmeawayfromwork.There'sa...I

don'tfeeltheever-presentweightofmyambitiononmyshouldersforjustamoment.It'snice.

Myworkphonebuzzes,andthat'stheendofthat.

*****

Tenthenextmorning,IclosethecasefileonmydeskandtextTarekandNatethatI'mheadedtomy

favoriterestaurant.And,yeah,I'mgoingtotrytofeedmycousinhistongue.Youknow,normaltextsyou
sendtofriends.

ImakemywaydowntoGwen’sdeskansweringtheirrapidreplies.Sincemyconcentrationisfixed

onmyphone,GwenhastoclearherthroattwicebeforeIlookup.

Kennedy'sstrollingdownthehall,armsfilledwithpapers.Theimportantthingofnoteisthatshe's

dressed in her uniform of novelty shirts and jeans. My body tenses in slow degrees. With or without
clothes,she's—Idon'tknow.Icouldwatchherfoldlaundryandbeequallyarousedandfascinatedbythe
wayshemoves.

What I do know is that I don't need an audience taking note of how I can't keep my eyes off her. I

glance at Gwen. I can have her search for the Janson file. It's gone through at least two departments. It
won'tbewhereitshould,andnoonewillcoptotouchingitlast.

No.Nottoday.ThereareonlysomanytimesIcanpullthattrickonherbeforeshe'stemptedtospit

inmycoffee.

“I'll be gone an hour tops,” I tell her. “If more, I'll call you. You do not call me for anything. If a

client has an emergency, deal with them. If it’s something above your pay grade, or you don’t have the
timesinceIstillexpectthatappealdraftonmydeskbytheendoftheday,puntthem.”

Hereyeswidenatthedirective.“Whoareyoumeetingforlunch?”
It'savalidquestionsinceIhatepuntingclients.“Family.”
Kennedy’s hip brushes me as she passes. It's a simple thing, looks innocent, but my fingers were

wrappedaroundherbarehipsdaysago.I’mitchingtodothatagain.Here.Now.Peoplecouldpullout
popcornandwatch.Iclosemyeyestoreininthesuddenneedeatingatme.I’matwork.It’suncivilized.

MyguttwistsbecauseIstillwanttodoit.
Unsettling?Fuck,yes.
“These are yours,” Kennedy says to Gwen. I open my eyes, refusing to move. The warmth of her

keepsmetetheredtothespot.Withoutlookingatme,sheasks,“Headingoutearly?Didhellfreezeover?”

Gwenleansforward.“He'smeetingwith'family.'”
Ishouldhavesenthertofindthefile.“Isitpossibleforyoutobeloyaltome?”
MyparalegaltakesthepapersfromKennedy.“Icouldseetheindecisiononyourfaceasecondago.

Youwantedtosendmeonagoosechase.”

Ireplytoatextinsteadofmountingadefense.Shelaughsatthetactic.Kennedyshiftsclosertome.

Todayisalavenderday.

Shetiltsherheadinmydirection.“Isthisaboutyourmother?”

IcanfeelGweneatingupeveryfacialtwitch.“You'rewelcometocome,butIhavetogo.”
“Okay.”
Inarrowmygazeatherquickagreement.Shehasanequallyimpressivepokerface.Angeratmefor

puttingheroffforsomanydays,orcuriosityatwhoIammeetingcanbehermotivation.I'mwillingto
rollwiththeopportunityifitmeansI'llhaveamomentalonewithherafterthebrunch.“We'retakingmy
carthen.”

IstealaglanceatGwen.Hereyesarewideandhermouthisopeninshock.
Shit.
There'snothingtodobutwalkaway.KennedykeepsupwithmystrideeasilyasInavigatethelong

hallway, ignoring any curious glances from coworkers. They all kind of look the way Gwen had—
shockedandravenousformoregossip.TheSecisgoingtohaveonehellofalunchtalkingaboutDuke
AlexanderleavingthebuildingwithKennedyMclane.

TheonlythingI’mconcernedaboutiswhenKennedywillstartherinterrogation.Icountuptotwenty

when—

“Arethereanygroundrulesforcomingwithyou?”
Idon’tsmile.“Whywouldtherebe?”
“Becauseyoulikerules.”
Ilikemyrules.“Don'tasktoomanyquestionsandyou'llbefine.”
I gesture to the stairs at the end of the hall since mid-morning tends to have more traffic than the

afternoon.

Shecatchesuptomystride.“Mostimportantquestion.”
Thestairdoorsslambehindus.Itakethreestepsatatime.“Andthatis?”
“Whydidyouinviteme?”
Istopandfaceher.Shesmacksintomychest.Herbreastscushionthebruntoftheimpact.Myblood

turnsthickandslowinmyveins.Iletthatsensationsinkinandleakintomygaze.“Ihaven'tseenyouin
threedays.”

Herstancerelaxes.“Isthatso?”
She'snottheonlyonewhocanplaytheirgamestraight.“Yes.”
She blushes and breaks my stare. I wait another five seconds to see if she’ll hit me back with

something,butshecontinuestoblushlikeaschoolgirl.Ifuckingloveit.

Iturnonmyheelandfinishmakingmywayoutofthebuilding.Shetrailsbehindataslowerpace.

Notjustthat,shesaysnothingmoreuntilwe'reseatedattherestaurant.

She'sneitherinaweoforintimidatedbythequietwealthondisplay,fromthewell-preserved1930s

décortopatronswhoarewearingsedatejewelrythatcostsmorethanherNissan.

I've always assumed she came from a middle-class upbringing, a basic assumption I make of

everyoneuntiltheytellmedifferently.Ifrownather.Kennedyhaslivedinavacuum.Ihavenoideaabout
thefinerdetailsofherbackground,andthatbotherstheshitoutofme.

It'stoolatetoasktheSectodigupdirt,andIhavetobehonest,I'mnotsuretheywould.Theylove

Kennedy.I’mdefinitelynotaskingGwen.

IcanhireaPI,butthatseemsextremegivenIcanask.“Haveyoubeenherebefore?”
Shetugsthenapkinfreeanddrapesitoverherlap.“No,andtheserverkeepslookingatmelikeI'm

somethingheneedstoscrapeoffyourshoe.”

AquicksweepoftheroomrevealsmorethanafewpeopleareopenlystaringatKennedy.Thenme.

ThenKennedy.Mydeathglarestopsmostoftherubbernecking.

IfollowKennedy'sleadandgrabmynapkin.“They'renotfansofjeansatthisplace.”
“Thenwhydidtheyletmein?”
“Becauseyou'rewithme.”

Shelaughssoftly.“I'mnotsureifthat'segoortruth.”
“Both.”Ipointthemenu.“Whatareyoueating?”
Sherunsherhandoverthemenu.“Shouldn'twewaitforyourfamily?”
Icheckmyphone.NateandTarekhavesentmewhatI'veneeded.“He'llbehereinafewminutes.”
Shefidgetswithhersilverwareandthenmeetsmyeye.“Andyouplanto...”
“Makehimanoffer.”
Hermouthquirksup.“Thathecan'trefuse?”
Mydeathstarebouncesoffher.“I'mstartingtobelieveyouhaveamobstersexfantasy.Tellmeitin

detailwhilewewait.”

Sheleansforward.Shit,Idotoobecauseitwasajoke.OrIthought.
“Inmyfantasy,he—”
“Wouldyoulikeamimosa,ma'am?”
Iglareattheserverwhocreptuponus.Hetakesastepback.“Doyouneedmetocomeback,Mr.Al

—Duke?”

Kennedystraightens.“Amimosawillbefine.I'llalsotakesomepancakes,whateverfruityouhave

that'sfreshand...”Sheglancesatme.“AndabigItaliansausage.”

I barely hold back the chuckle. “I have a sudden craving for steak again. Brings back such good

memories.Addanomelet.Anotherguestwillarrivesoon.Forthem,layoutasampleplatterwithyour
popularbrunchitems.”

She leans back, her expression turning wary. I wait until the waiter is out of ear shot to focus on

Kennedy.“Youweresaying?Somethingaboutyourfantasy.”

“Ididn'tknowyouwerebringingsomeone,”comesfrombehindme.Coreysoundsexactlylikeaman

whohastotalkaroundthesilverspooninhismouth.“Kennedy,ofallpeople.Haven'tseenyousincemy
uncle'sfuneral.”

Icranemyneckanddon’tbothertosmile.“Hey,Corey.Howareyou?”
“Kennedy,”hesayshernameagainandgoesstraightforher.Idomybesttonotpickupmyforkand

doharmtohim.

Hersmileiswarm.“Nicetoseeyouagain,Corey.”
Mycousinwasn’tjusttoyingwithme.
Let’spause.
There'salotIrememberaboutthatday.Somethingshavebeenburnedintomybrain.Mymotheris

one.Shewentthroughouttheordealwithablankexpression,yettearsstreameddownherface.Itwasn't
normalcrying.

She'd sit down to eat or greet fellow mourners with a strained smile and tears would leak out as

thoughthegriefneededsomekindofoutlet.IremembertheeulogyCorey'sfathergave.Indeath,myfather
becameakind,caringmanwholovedhiswife,sonandfamily.Hislife'sworkbarelyhadamention.

WhatIdon'trecallisKennedy.
Ihavesomanyquestions,noneIcanaskatthemomentwithoutsounding...vulnerable.BadenoughI

canbarelyfindmybreath.Shewasthere?HowdidInotknow?Whodidshetalktowhilethere?Why
didn'tshetalktome?

LikeIdowitheverything,Ifileitforlater.
ThenIsitbackinmychairandwatchKennedyandCoreyexchangepleasantriesashesettlesacross

fromme.There'saneasebetweenthem,butthat'snotsayingmuch.Kennedyhasthateffectonanyoneshe
spendsmorethanfiveminuteswith.

Hishairisacollectionofbig,loopycurls.Thefucker’ssuitcostsasmuchasmine,ifnotmore,and

looksit.Hiseyesaredarkandfathomless.I’mbarelytwoyearsolder.Wecouldbebrothers.I’mnotsure
ifthatannoysmemoreorless.

KennedylaughsatsomethinghesaysthatIdidn’tcatch.
More. Definitely more. I let him have his moment to get comfortable. I even wait for our food to

arrive.

“Orderedforme?”Coreyaskswhilediggingin.
“Youlikethebestsothat'swhatIorderedforyou.Howisit?”
“Fromthelooksofthings,it'sbetterthanyoursteak.You'renoteating.”
Peopleletdowntheirguardwhenthey'reeating.Idon'tplantodotheformer.“Kennedy,howisyour

food?”

ShelooksbetweenmeandCorey.“Toomuchsausage.”
Ismileatthesubtledig.MycousinandIaretakingoutourproverbialmeasuringtapesandseeing

whoisbigger.“DidyouknowCoreywenttoBrown?”Asmartwomanissittingbesideme.Islylywipe
atthetipofmynose,knowingshe'llgetthejokeabouthimbeingabrown-nosingpieceofshit.

“Excuseme.”Sheplaysoffthelaughbycoughing.“Don'tknowwherethatcamefrom.”
I push her drink closer. “Graduated summa cum lade. Blah, blah, blah. Long list of academic

achievements. He's impressive. So much so, my father put him in charge of Alexander and Associates
whenhedied.”IlookatCorey.“Areyoueventhirty?”

“YouknowhowoldIam.”
“Growingup,wewereoftenmistakenforbrothers.Darkhair,darkeyes.”
“Andruggedlyhandsome?”shehelps.
“I'mtaller.He'shadhisfairshareofwomen.Marriedthoughnow.Howismybeautifulcousin-in-

law?”

He cuts into his smoked salmon and takes a bite. Like the ass he is, he takes his time answering.

“Thiscatchingupisallniceandsweet,butwhyamIhere,Duke?Stopwastingmytime.Ihavealawfirm
torun.”

Thosewordsaremeanttohurtme.Igocold.“Don'tberude.It'sunbecoming.”
Hevisiblyshrinksforamoment.Everygrandparenthasafavoriteadmonishment.Thatverbalhand

slapcomesoutofyourparent'smoutheventuallytolandonyoulikeatonofbricks.Thisisours.Hisgaze
goesflatwhenherealizeswhatI'vedonetosilencehim.

Ismile.“You'reright.Ishouldn'twasteyourtime.Mymotherwantstogotoaboardmeeting.Thisis

measkingnicely.”

“Thefirmisnolongeryourbusiness.”Hepusheshisplateaway.“Ordidyouforgetyourfathercut

youout?”

“My father was a man of his word. He told me that's what he'd do six years ago if I interned for

anyoneotherthanAlexanderandAssociatesafterpassingthebar.”Kennedygasps,andIdomybestto
fileitthefuckaway.“Nowwillmymotherbeatthenextboardmeeting?”

There'siceinhiseyesasheholdsmystare.“No.”
That, right there, is why I hate Corey. He’s wanted everything I’ve had without ever considering

whatIdidtogetit.Hewantsitbecauseallourlivespeoplehavecomparedus,andhealwaysfallsshort.
Notmyfault.Hedoesn’tseeitthatway.Everyopportunityhegetstofuckwithmehetakesit.

“Thoughtyou'dsaythat.”Itapthescreenonmyphone.“AlexanderandAssociatescanburntothe

ground tomorrow. I won't lose any sleep. My mother would. Not only does she want to preserve her
husband'slegacy,buttheoneshebuiltatthefirm.She'smadepersonalandfinancialinvestments.”

“Youexpectmetobelieveyoudon'tcareaboutthefirm?”
Kennedy shifts beside me, but I can't look at her. She's finding out more about me in a single

conversation.OneI’mnotevenhavingwithher.

“Ithinkwhatyoudon'tunderstandisthateventhoughyouhavethebiggestoffice,youcanbebought

out.You'resowetbehindtheears.Noonewantssomeovereagerbrown-nosingpuppyinchargeoftheir

multi-billiondollarbusiness.I'mjusttalkingabouttheotherseniorpartners.”

Iofferhimmyphone.Curiositygetsthebestofhim.Hereadsthescreenandpales.Everyonehasa

pastandeveryonehasaweakness.I'mnutpunchinghis.

Ikeepmyvoicelevel.“IunderstandI'vegivenyoualottothinkabout.I'mnotdone.Tapthescreen.”
Iliketothinkhisfingershakeswhenhedoes.Coreyswallowsandsitsback.
Isay,“Ithinkwe'reonthesamepage.Willmymotherbeabletoattendtheboardmeeting?”
“Yes.”
“UnderstandIwon'tbethisnicenexttimeifyoudecidemymotherisaninconvenience.”Kennedy

choke-coughsbesideme.Ipushherdrinkclosertoheragain.“I'llpayforthemeal.”

Coreythrowshisnapkinonthetable.“Why?Whywouldyou...”Hepointstomyphone.
“Yougavemymotherahardtime.Why?Becauseyou'reanAlexander,andyoucould.Forgetagain

thatIameverythingyouwishyoucouldbe,andIwillremindyoubydestroyingyourworld.”

I finally bring my attention back to the woman beside me. Kennedy's looking at me, and it's not

disappointment staring back. Whatever emotion, it is deeper than that. I should be too cold to feel the
punchofit.

“Anythingelseyouwanttoeat?”Ikeepmyvoicefreefromthestrainurgingmetosoften.“Icanhave

themboxupanyleftovers.Exceptthesalmonandbagels.I'mtakingthose.”

“I'm...nothungryanymore.”
Herwordsleavemearctic.Iembraceittosurvivebecausewestillhavetogetintoacartogether.

CHAPTERELEVEN

Haveyoueversatinaparkedcarwithawomanwhohasnothingtosaytoyou?Idon'trecommend

it.Shewantedtogohomeinsteadofbacktowork,whichIcanonlyguessshowshowpissedsheis.

Idon’tunderstandwhyshe’smadatme.Ifigureshe’lltellmewhenshewantsto.Ineedtogetback

toworkthough.Sheneedstomoveitalong.

Iclearmythroat.“Arewesittinghereorarewegettingout?”
Hergoldeneyeshasaglinttothemassheglaresatme.“Isthatwhyyoureallywantedmetogowith

you?Toseeyou...savageyourcousinbecausehewasbeingadicktoyourmother?”

She’smadthatI’mprotectingmymother?Idon’tgetit.“ItoldyouthereasonwhyIwantedyouwith

me.Ihaven’tseenyouindays.”

Thethoughthadn’tcrossedmymindIwouldn’tgetfuckedafterwardbecauseIwouldpissheroff.

HadIknown…

Besidethefuckingpoint.Iopenmydoortoclimboutandendthisconversation.I'monhersidein

timetohelpherdown.

She takes my hand, and the tightness at my nape releases. Yet the moment she's on firm ground,

Kennedypullsaway.There'snocoldthistime,buthot,redangerburninginmyveins.Ifollowherand
sheblocksmefromenteringherapartment.It'sasubtlemoveofonlycrackingopenherdoor,butit’sso
damntelling.

Icrowdherspaceandleanagainsttheframe.“You'regoingtostandthereandtellme—”
“Your cousin is a dick. I knew that the moment he offered me his pocket square at the graveside

serviceof your father’sfuneral. His wifewas comforting your motherand he's beingall smarmy in the
backwithme.”

“Thenwhyareyouangryatme?”
Shelooksupandshakesherhead.“Becauseyou'rebetterthanhim.Idon'tneedtoknowwhatdirt

youhaveonhim.Itdoesn'tmatter.Youmayhavebeenthreateninghimforalltherightreasons,butyou
relishedhurtinghimthewayyoudid.”

Iwassupposedtomakehimheelnicely?Whatfuckingworlddoesshelivein?“I'mnotagoodguy.I

wasn'twhenyoumetme.Iwon'tbewhenIdie.”

She leans forward and lifts that chin of hers to stare me down. “You didn’t have to be cruel. You

didn'thavetorubhisjealousyofyouinhisface.Youdidn'tevenhavetotakehimtobrunch.Youfound
hisAchilles'heelandsuckerpunchedit.It'sexactlywhathedidtoyou.AllI'msayingisyou'rebetterthan
that.”

Idon'tknowthemansheseeswhenshelooksatme.I'mreallystartingtonotlikehim.Hesounds

fuckingsanctimonious.“Isuckerpunchedhisweaknessbecausethat'stheonlywaytodealwithmenlike
Coreywhogeteverythingtheywant.HelaughedinmyfacewhenIaskedhimnicely.”

“But you didn’t ask him nicely. You took him to an expensive restaurant, brought an audience, and

waitedfortherightmomenttoslaphimdown.Thereasonablealternativeisaphonecallfirst.”

I take a moment to inhale to keep from yelling or losing any more of my temper. “And what's

reasonableaboutdenyingmymotheraseatatthetable?”

“Notmypoint.Didyouenjoyhurtinghim?Givinghimyourphoneandwatchinghimgopale?”
Yes.Iwaswinning.Iballmyhandsandglaredownather.“Whywereyouatmyfather'sfuneral?

Whydidn'tyousayanythingtomeaboutit?”

Shepullsahandthroughherhair.“Idon'tknowwhatweare,Duke.I'veneverknown,butIwanted

tobethereforyou.Youdidn'tneed—no,youdidn’twantanyonetoshowyouashredofsympathy.You
madethatperfectlycleartoeveryonewhotriedtotalktoyouthatday.SoI...”Hereyesarewidewhen
shewhispers,“Haveyoucriedyet?Haveyouoncegrievedforyourfather?”

When I think of my father being gone and never seeing him again there’s nothing but a black pit.

Somedaysthere’sanger.Toomanythere’sindifference.DoIwanttofeelsomethingotherthanthebleak
cold? I don’t know. I can’t...I won’t tell her that. “You can't miss something you've never had, and I've
neverhadafather.”

“Allthemorereasontogrieve.”
My temper slips through my fingers. “What do you want from me, Kennedy? To curl into the fetal

position? To cry over the fact my father didn't hug me enough? No. Hug me, period. Apologize to my
cousinformakinghimeatcrow?What?Whatthefuckdoyouwant?”

“Foryoutostoplyingtoyourself.”Hertoneissoft,warm,andmystomachknotsatthetenderness

she’sshowingme.FuckingKennedy.

Ipressmyfingernailsintomypalmstocourtpain,tofeelanythingbutthebrushofherwords.
Exceptshekeepstalking.“Stopbelievingyou'rethisheartlessman,butyoucan'tletgoofthat.You

mightactuallygethurtifyouletyourguarddownforonesecond.”

Huh.Youreallydoseeredwhenyou'reenraged.Theangerworksitswaydownfrommyvisionand

squeezesmythroat.“LikeIdidthreeyearsago?”Thewordsbarelygetaboveawhisper.

ShestraightensawayfrommelikeI’vehither.“What?”
I'mnotfuckingrepeatingmyself.“Ihavetogobacktowork.”
Shegrabsmytie.“Sayit.”
“How about 'fuck this?'” I offer instead. “Take me or leave me. I'm going on a trip this weekend.

Camping. You're welcome to come. Be at my house at six in the morning Saturday. If you're not
there...whatever.”

Shewrapsherhandaroundmytieandtugsmecloser.“You'veneverletyourguarddownwithme.”
“Neitherhaveyou.”Ireleasetheknotonmytieandleaveherwithit.

CHAPTERTWELVE

IvoteforofficecoffeeinsteadofabottleofJackFridaymorning.Isleptlikeshit.Mymoodison

par.UnfortunatelytheassholesIworkwithdidn'tmakeanotherpotsoIhavetowaitinthebreakroom
untilIcangetmydoseofcivility.

DidImentiontheSecisthereattheirfavoritetableexchangingdonuts,bagelsandgranolabars?I

greetedthem,theynoddedandsmiled,andthenthewhisperscommenced.Nooneapproachedmetoslyly
askmeaboutwhatIdidwhenIleftwithKennedy,butwhenhastrutheverstoodinthewayofgossip?

AfewsecondslaterGwensidlesherwayintomyperipheralvision.Iwatchtheslowdripofcoffee

asIwaitfortheinevitablenosyconversationshe'sgoingtolaunchmyway.Withanavidaudience.

“Morning,Duke.”
“Gwen.”
Sheblinks.“Youdon'tspeaktomeuntilyou'vehadtwocups.Kennedymusthaveleftyouinagood

mood.”

Ifrownatthat.“Nope.”
“Whatdidyoudo?”
There'senoughinthepotforacupandhalf.“Nothing.”
“Duke.”
I almost chuckle at her exasperated tone. She thinks I’m self-centered, spoiled—sometimes she

believesI’mTheInstitution.Ican’tfaulthertoomuchforthatviewofme.I’mnotwarmandfuzzywith
her.“YouseeLenoreoverthereinthecorner,actinglikeshe'snotwatchingus?”

Shelaughssoftly.“Inoticed.”
“About two and half years ago, her mother died from breast cancer.” I pour a cup then shove the

glassbackunderthedrip.“BeforethatKennedysetupaschedulewiththeSectobringherfamilyfood,
pickupherkids,andcleanthehouse,sothetimeshespentwithhermotherwasworryfree.”

“Irememberthat.Ipitchedin.”
“There'sCarmen,whoatthemomentistryingtodroptwodonutsinherpursewhileshethinksno

oneispayingattention.”

Gwen whips her head around and Carmen scratches at the back of her head like she's guilty of

nothing.

I add, “They were calendar girls together. For two years, Kennedy helped her study to get her

paralegalcertificate.WhenCarmengraduated,Kennedythrewapartyhere.”

“Kennedythrewthatparty?”
“Yeah.Hadhalfthefirmsaucedbylunchtime.”
Gwenlaughs.“ProbablywhyIdon’tremembermuchofit.”
“Thosearejusttwothings,andthat’swhyIlikeKennedy.Shegivesashitaboutpeople.”
Thatseemstomollifyherfortwoseconds.“Haveyoutoldherthat’swhyyoulikeher?”
IfIdidn’tlikeKennedyIwouldn’tpantafterherlikeadog.Ishouldn’thavetosayit.“What'sgoing

onwithKennedyandIisjustthat,betweenmeandher.Fortherecord,Iwasbeingmyself.She'spissed
aboutthat.Soinactuality,Ididnothing.”

Gwensighs.“Ifyouthinkthat...”
Iaddcreamerandsugartomycup.Itastethecoffee.It'sshit,butit'lldo.“Thenwhat?”
“Thenyou'renotassmartasIgaveyoucreditfor.”
Iholdherstareandherfaceisflushed,hermouththinwithirritation.Igraduatetothedeathstareand

shedoesn'twaver.

ItrustGwen'sinstincts.Morewhenshefightsforit.She'ssquaredupnowtotakemeon.YetI've

lookedatwhattranspiredbetweenmeandKennedy.Hell,I'vehadeonstofileshitawayandlookatlater.

I'm not without data or even anecdotal examples. It's why I slept like crap the night before. It's hard to
catchsomezzzz'swhenthetruthkeepsteabaggingyoulateatnight.

Ididn'tfuckupatthebrunch,nomatterwhatKennedysays.Imademymisstepafterthat.
Ultimatums are for the desperate. Some well-meaning therapist somewhere says hard lines lay out

boundaries. Hard lines are important. Boundaries let people know the rules of any given situation.
Ultimatumsgivesonepartyalastchancetofuckyouover.It'shopeinitspurestform.

BefaithfulorIwillhavetoleavethisrelationship.
Cleanyourroomoryouwillbegrounded.
Takemeorleaveme.
Theotherpartyhasalreadyshowntheydon'tcare.Yetthereyouare,hoping,ifyousayitindoordie

terms,they'llgiveashit.

Kennedysawtherealmeandranbefore.I'mgivingheranotherout.I'mhopingshedoesn'ttakeit.
Why?
That'sthemilliondollarquestion.
I'mprettysurefolkswouldlookatme,myactionsandmysituationandthinkhe'sinlove.He'san

idiotfornotseeingit.

Imaybecold.Imayberuthless.Iamhard-core.Istillknowwhatloveis.Actuallythat'sprobably

whymybloodrunsarctic.Loveiswithoutconditions.Actually,that'sprobablywhymybloodrunsarctic.
Somanyofmyrelationshipshavehadthem.

IgaveKennedyanultimatum.Sheneededonetoshitorgetoffthepot.That'snotlovefromeither

side. Worse, she expects me to be that good guy I want to die. If given the chance, I will drown him
withoutremorse.Thatpartofmecreatesallkindsofcomplications.

Ishouldhavemadeussimpleagain.Welikedebatesandfuckingeachother.Let'sgetbacktothat.

Let'sseewhowouldendupontop.

Hopethough...suchabitch.
I'm going to get into my bed tonight and I'm going to hope in the morning she takes me. My

masochisticstreakrunsmuchlongerthanthesadisticone.

“Gwen,IneedtheO’de—”
“Ifyoufinishthatsentence,I’mspittinginyourcoffeeasyoustandrightthereandwatchmedoit.”
Toldyouthat’swhatshe’ddoifIpissedheroff.“Fine,butsmugglesomedonutsuptotheoffice.”
“WhydoyouthinkIwasdownhere?”
Iknowthat’snotenoughtosootheherfeathers.Iadd,“IfandwhenIneedadviceonKennedy,I’ll

askyou.Irespectyouropinionandyourinsight.”

Shesmiles.“Doyouneedthatfile?”
“Nope.”
“You’reforgiven.”
“I’mforgivenbecauseI’mateddybear,Gwen.”
Iwalkawaywhenshestartstolaugh.

*****

“Didyougettheitinerary?”
Nate's voice fills my home from the speaker as I do my last minute packing for the weekend trip.

There's annoyed, and there's an annoyed Southerner. The distinction doesn't make sense unless you've
experiencedit.

I'm about to. Nate's pronunciation has gone nuclear. Everything is punctuated. Aye-tent-to-rare-ree.

Tarekisgoingtofuckaroundandendupdeadinachasm.

“I have not,” I say. I've learned long ago to remain the impassive third party. It's much more

entertainingthanbeingneckdeep.

“This.Mother.Fucker.”
Ilaughandtapmyphonetodigthroughmypersonalemailaccount.Tareksentoutanitineraryinthe

latenighthours.Itlookslikethenorm.He'slaidoutapaththatwillbothchallengeeveryone'sphysicality
andgivebreathtakingviewsofnature.ThisiswhyTarekhasasortofsycophantfollowingatthegym.He
nevertakesmorethansixclientsonacampingtrip—enoughtokeepthingsinterestingandintimate.

Hefirsttreatseveryonetoagoodmeal,leadsustoaluxurybusthatwilltakeustoourdestination,

andthenweroughit.We'regoingtowalkfivemilesupamountaintosettlebyariverwherewe'llcamp
forthenight.Amileinclineintheperfectclimatecanmakeagrownmancry.

“Ithoughtyouweresupposedtobearmystrong?”
“Ibuiltfencesin...”
Izoneoutofthespeechhe'sgoingtogive.He'scalledtobitch.Hewantstocommiserate,butNateis

Southern.Atsomepointhe'sgoingtohitanancestorandexpoundwithexaggeratedpronunciation.

HegetstherebythetimeIdropmybagbythedoor.“Nate,justsayyoudon'twanttoleaveyourwife

behindfortheweekend.”

He'squietforalongwhile.“Fuck.Bringatranqgun.You'regoingtowanttokillme.”
Iinhaledeeply.Jealousyisascentthat'ssostrongIcantasteitatthebackofmythroat.“Myfeetare

ingoodworkingorder.I'lljustputafootinyourassifyougetoutofline.”

“DidyouinviteKennedy?”
The screen has gone dark on my phone. I tap the screen. 6:02. I told her six even though the bus

leavesatsevenfromtheLondon-Berggym.Ifiguredthatwouldgiveustimetokissandmakeupafterthe
argument.

But she's decided to leave me. I shouldn't be surprised. There shouldn't be a twinge in my chest.

Shouldn't.“You'rebeingthatguy,”Ideflect.

“Whathappened?”heasks,withlaserdamnfocus.
“Seeyouinabit.”
Ihanguponhisknowinglaugh.6:05.Iturnoffmyphonesinceit'llbeuselessforthenexttwodays,

andit’llkeepmefromcheckingitconstantly.Igrabmybag,lockupmyhouseandstepoutside.

Kennedy is leaning against my SUV's grill, her arms crossed, looking pissed and wearing a long-

sleevedshirtandcargopants.She'sdressedforahike,andthere'sapackatherfeet.Thereareamillion
thingsweneedtoironoutandsaytoeachother.

Butshe'stakingme.
Icrossmydrivewaytoher.Icupherface.Islammymouthonhers.Herfingersspearthroughmy

hair,andforthefirsttimeIcanfeelherfingertipsalongmyscalp.Nogel,barelyafingercomb—myhair
iswildtoday,andmaybesoamI.

Ifeathermytongueacrossherbottomlip,thenhertop.Shepartshermouth,andIslidehome.She

tastes of mint and coffee. Though my mouth, my tongue are incessant, a bit harsh as I drink her in, my
handsaregentleasItoucheverypartofherIcan.Ialmostlostthiswithmyfuckingultimatum.Imake
mentalpromisestoneverbedesperateagain.Toneverbeweakwhenitcomestoher.

SoI'mgentlewhenItouchher.There'snotasingleinchofherthatisn'tsoftorcompellingorinneed

ofalittleworship.That,too,Ihavetorememberasherbreastsshiftagainstmychest.Islipalegbetween
hersthenpinhertothecar.IbreakthekisstocheckthedamageI'vedonetohermouth.Herlipsarepink
butnotyetswollen.Inipherhardenoughtomakeherbloodrush.Herbreathticklesmeasshemoans.

Shetiltsherheadback.“Yourhair.”
Thisissaidwithutteramazement.Thisiswhy,sinceIwassixteen,I'vehadmorehairproductsthan

professionalstylists.Withoutgel,IlooklikefuckingShirleyTemple.TodayandthenextI'llgowithout
becausesweat,heatandgeldonotgowelltogether.

“Iloveit,”shemurmurs.“Whydon'tyouwearitlikethis?”

“You'reonestepawayfromcallingmeadorable,andthat'swhy.”
Thecornerofhereyescrinkle.“Butyourhair.”
Ilaugh.“WhileyoumarvelatthefactIhavecurls,Ineedtocheckyourpackandgetyoureadyfor

thetrip.”

“IthinkIhaveeverythingthat'sneededforatwo-daytrip.”
“You'vehikedandcampedbefore?”
“IhadthepowerofGoogleandYoutubeonmyside.”
Thiscouldbeadisaster.
Noticewearen'tpointingouttheelephantintheroom.
Yeah.
Anyway, I undo what she would consider careful and meticulous packing. She couldn't have done

thisinamorningorinjustafewhours.Kennedyhasaminifirstaidkit,bearspray,andevenauseless
snakebitekit.Shehastherightsocks—non-cotton,andshirtsthatwilleitherinsulateherwellforcold
weatherorbreathetocoolherdownfortheheat.Therearethreethingsofwaterandtwoarefrozensolid
togivewayasthedaywearson.Iputbackeverythingshe'llabsolutelyneedbuthangontothedeodorant.

“Betweenmyself,Nate,andTarek,we'llhaveeverythingyouwillneedforthetripincaseshitgoes

south. It should bring you comfort to know Nate can carry just about anyone on his back and run for
miles.”

“Notreally.Itmeanssomeonecan'twalkontheirown.”
There'sthat.Istandandholdupthedeodorant.“Thisisforyourthighs.Eventhoughyouhavecargo

pantsthere'llbechaffing,especiallyfromtheamountofwalkingwe'lldo.”

“Youwantmetoslatherdeodorantonmythighs?”
Iputmyhandbetweensaidthighs.Shegasps.“Theytouch,theyrub.It'sheavenforme.”Isqueeze

herleftleg.“You,notsomuch.Notafterthreehours.Babypowderwon'tcutit.”

“Andhowdoyouknowthis?”
“I'veseenotherwomenontripsdoitandI'veasked.”
“Ofcourseyoudid.”HerbreathhitchesasIridemyhandup.“Fortherecord,Ialreadydidit.”
Idropmyhand.“Ifyouneedtoreapplydon'thesitate.”
“Andletyouwatch?”
“Goeswithoutsaying.”
Sheglancesdown.“Areyoulatebecauseyouwerewaitingforme?”
Backtothegame.“Yes.”
Shenods.“Fornowthat'sgoodenough.”
“But?”
“Idon'tknow.”
Idon'tknow.She'shere,andit'snotforsex.I'melated,andit'snotforsex.Idon'tknowseemslike

mycurrentcatchphrasetoo.Butlet'spauseover‘goodenough.’That'swhatIamwhenit'smenotbeinga
goodguy.

“Weshouldgo,”Isay,inaflattone.
Igrabherpackandmine.Ishouldbehappyshe'shere.Itshouldbeenoughformetoo.Onceagain

thebarissetandIhavetosqueezeoutmoreblood.

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

Therearetwokindofpeopleinthisworld:peoplewhohikeforfunandsaneindividuals.
Kennedyisn'tsane.She'srightuptherewithTarekchattingandlaughing.She'scoveredinsunscreen

fromheadtotoe,sportingahat,sunglasses,andstillsproutingfrecklesbythesecond.She's...happy.

I'm at the back of the group with Nate. We’re not happy. In fact, Nate looks like he wants to push

everyoneoffthenearestcliffjustsohecangohome.I’llgladlydefendhiminanycourtcasesthatarise.
Thisshitisforthebirds.Inthissituationthat’sliteral.

Thetrailisn’thorrible,butit’snature.Treeslinebothsidesofthesemi-clearedbrush.Everynow

and again there’s a loud enough rustle in the distance that makes us all glance around. The incline has
kickedourasseslikeIknewitwould.We'realmostdoneforthedayandthat’stheonlylightattheendof
thetunnel.

“FYI,”Natesaysoutoftheblue,“Tarek’sgoodguyroutineishowhegetswomentodowildshit.

Listeningmakesthekittypurr.”

Iletoutaloudlaughthatmakesourhikersglancebackatus.“Isthisyoubeingthatguy?”
“ThatoneI'vealwaysknown.”
Iconsiderthat,apparentlytoolong,becauseNateadds,“Letmeputthisintermsyoucanunderstand.

Youshouldbetheonemakingherlaughandtellingherbirdshitcansavetherainforest.Shagassandget
yourgirl.”

Since Nate is usually good at reading women, I shag ass. Kennedy smiles at me when I match her

rhythm.

“TarekwastellingmeaboutthetimeyousavedhimandNatefromadrunkanddisorderly.”
ThememoryhitsmeandIhavetolaugh.“I'vetriedtoblockthatnightfrommymind.Natepukedon

thecop'sshoes.ThenthesmellhitTarek.Derekwasgoingtotaketheminjustformakingamessonhis
uniform.”

“Derek?”
“Istayedintouchedwithhimovertheyears.NeverhurtstohavesomeoneonthelocalPD.”
Sheshakesherhead.“Ofcourse,buthowdidyousavethem?
“Calledthemcabs,pulledeverystringIhadtogetDerekachangeofclothesonthespot,havehis

uniformdry-cleanedwithinanhour,anddeliveredtohisstation.”

Tareksays,“Wewerelivingtogetherinthissmallapartmentatthetime.Hewasupat6:30tothrow

icecoldwateronus.”

Shefrowns,andIexplain.“Theymanagedtogethomeinonepieceandpassedoutnexttoeachother

infrontofthedoor.Surprisingly,notinapuddleofpuke.”

“Hemadesuretotakepictures.”
“Ican'trememberifIposedyouguysfirst.DidI?”
“Youdid,youasshole.”
Ismile.“Theynevergotthatdrunkagain...andcalledme.”
Kennedylaughs.“Butyousavedthemfromjail.”
Tarekshrugs.“He'snotallbad.”
She pulls down her sunglasses to give Tarek an I-know-what-you're-doing look, then pushes them

backup.“I'maware,butdoesheknowthat?”

“He has his moments.” Tarek checks his compass. “Another hour, and we should make it to our

destination.”

“Canwehaveabreakfirst?”sheasks.
Heglancesbacktocheckonourgroup.Idothesame.Mostofthechatterhasdieddown.We'reall

hot,sticky.We'veclimbedhighenough,thoughwe'vehittheoutcroppingoftalltreesandthatmeansshade

onthetrail.

“Fiveminutesaheadthere'sabreakwherewecanallsitandcooloffbeforethelaststretch.”
Shesighsbutnods.“Ishallsurvive.”
Tarekissubtleaboutit,buthepicksupthepaceputtingdistancebetweenKennedyandme.
“Ishetryingtogiveussomeprivacytotalk?”shewhispers.
Smartwoman.“Yup.”
“AnddidNatesendyouuphere?”
“Yup.”
“Youhavegoodfriends.”
Ismirk.“Theyhavetheirmoments.”
“Theyareverydifferentfromyou.”
Iknowthat.Iwanttoseewhatshedoes.“How?”
“WhenyoutoldmeTareklikestoexplore,Iexpectedhimtobeajockoranadrenalinejunkywhois

cockyandunapologeticaboutit.”

Ishakemyhead.“SoundsmorelikeNate.”
“Right?Andyoutoldmehelikestobuild.Heshouldbethestill-waterstype,butthat'sTarek.Idon't

thinkNatehasathoughthedoesn'twanttoshare.Sothethreeofyouareaninterestingmix.”

Iglanceather.“ThenwhatamI?”
“Thehardasswhotakesnoshit.Yousoundedmoreannoyedtheyletthemselvesgetthatdrunkthan

thefacttheywereabouttogotojail.Youwereirritatedwithmeforbeingtipsy.”

“I’mnotafanofweakness.Youdodumbthingswhenyou’refeelingvulnerable.”
“Andalcoholmakesyouweak?”
“Itcan.”
Hergazeshutters.“LikeIsaid,youguysareaninterestingmix.”
“Circumstanceandproximitybuiltourfriendship.”
“How?”
“Wehelpedeachotherpassamathclass.”
Herfacelightsagain.“Youwerefailingatsomething?Blasphemy.”
Ilikethatsheunderstandsthataboutme.“Couldn'tbelieveiteitheratthetime.”
“Ijustfinditintriguing.Myfriend,Mariis...well,she'slikeme.”Shesmiles.“Shetoldmeyouwere

nothingbutbadnews.”

“Whenwasthis?”
“Everytimeyoucomeupinaconversation.”
Ismilebackather.“Youneednewfriends.”
Kennedyshakesherheadatthat.“Sherunsherownbusiness—acopyshop.”
“That'showyoumet?”
“Yeah.Ineededagooddealonpaper.Itookhertolunchtoschmoozeher,andweendeduphittingit

off.”

“Didyougetthedeal?”
“Oh, hell no,” Kennedy says on a laugh. Remember that twinkle? Yeah. It’s there now too. “The

heiferrefusedtorelentonadecentprice,butbythenwe’dgotdrunkandtoldeachotheralloursecrets.
Shecouldn'tgetridofmeifshetried.Marifeltthesame.”

Icheckahead.Tarek'sstopped.Justbeyondhimisasmallclearing.“There'syourbreak.”
“OhthankGod.Ihadtopeethreemilesago,buttherewerenodecenttreestohidebehind.”
Ilaughatherhonesty.“Wellyou'llhaveplentyofcoveragehere.Don'tgotoofarthough.”
Shebowsherhead.“WorriedI'llgetlost?”
“No.I'llfindyou.”

Hergazeshootsuptomyface.“Thisisamoment.”
“What?”
“Whereyou'rebeing...notbad.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” We’re still ignoring the elephant, but I like this...whatever is happening. It feels light and

easy.Iknowit’ssofuckingprecarious.IknowI’mlosingmyedgewithherbecauseIdon’twanttodo
anythingtochangeit.Ialmostwanttobethekindofmanwholaughswithhisloveraftersex.

Butmomentsaren’tmeanttolastforever.
ShegoestotheleftandIleadthegroupintotheclearing.Tarekremindseveryonethattheyshould

preservetheareaasisiftheyneedtousetherestroomoreatasnack.Ikeepmyeyeoutinthedirection
Kennedydisappeared.

Natedropshispacknearme.“WheredidRedgo?”
“Naturecalled.”
Tarekwandersovernext.“Where'sJackieO?”
Doesn’t take much of a leap to know he’s calling her that because of her namesake—John. F.

Kennedy—marriedJackieO.Thestartlingthingisthathewentoutofhiswaytogiveheramoniker.He
metherhoursago.“Jesus,youhaveanicknameforher,too?”

“Yup,”hesays.“Whatdoyoucallher?”
“Herlegalname.”
Natesighs.“Numbnutsletherwalkoffbyherself.”
Ishiftmypackonmyback.“I'llbringherbacksoyouguyscancheckforyourselfshe'sinonepiece

andsafe.”

Natespreadsouthishands.“Thisisyourfirstgirlfriendinmanymoons.”
“Andshe'sgoodforyou,”Tarekinterjects.“Wewanthertostayalive.”
“She'snotmygirlfriend.”
Tareksays,“Andthat'syourproblem.Makesuresheisn'tlost.”
Iheadinthedirectionshewent,beingincrediblyloud.Ifsheisstillpoppingasquat,shehastimeto

callout.Takesmethreeminutestofindher.Herglassesarestuffedintohershirtandshe'spushedback
thehatsoit'sfreefromherlineofsight.She'sworryingherlipandstaringdownathermap.

“Lookingforgrandma'shouse?”
Hershoulderslowerliketheweightofreliefsitsonthem.“Thereyouare.ItookaleftwhenIshould

havetakenaright.”

“Grandma and Grandpa reminded me you should have taken a buddy. They sent me as the rescue

party.”

“I knew I liked them.” She folds the map and shoves it into her front pocket. “One tree looks like

anotherandIforgottoleavebreadcrumbs.”

I jerk my head in the direction we need to go. “Walk ahead of me so I can keep an eye on you. If

somethinghappenstoyoubetweennowandwhenIdeliveryoutoGrandmaandGrandpa,I'llneverhear
theendofit.”

“Youjustwanttolookatmyass.”
“That'sdefinitelyaperk.”
I'maman.Ilookwhenshescramblesinfrontofme.Kennedy'sassincargopantsshouldcomewith

awarning:won’tbeabletolookatanythingelseifondisplay.Sure,I'vecheckeditoutmorethanonce
duringtheday.She'sstretched,bentover...breathed.

Sure, sure. Her personality is buoyant and infectious. Yeah, whatever, I love talking to her about

anything.

Thisverymomentthough,thebackpackframesherass.

ThereisaGod.
Mygazecannotbemovedfromthetworoundglobes.Thereisnothingbetterintheworldthanthis.
Kennedy goes, “Huh,” and stops. Her voice is chillingly calm. I can practically feel the bristle of

tensionridingupherspine.“Isthatsnakepoisonous?”

Thewordshitmeandwhitenoisefillsmyhead.Kennedy’sindanger.Igrabherpackanddragher

back to me. My brain tries to yell at me it's the wrong thing to do. Snakes react to sudden movements
perceivingthemasthreats,butmybrainhasgonecaveman.Mybodyneedstobebetweenthedangerand
her.There’snothingelselogicaltome.

Theproblem?
She'snotexpectingtheSupermanmove.WhileI’mtryingtoyankhertosafetybehindme,sheloses

her balance. That’s not hard to do when she’s carrying twenty extra pounds of weight on her back. She
overcorrectswithtonsofflailing,poppingmeinthefaceatleasttwice.Irearmyheadbacktokeepfrom
losinganeyeball.

That's the tipping point. We go down hard enough to steal my breath. I, being the stupid ass hero,

twistsidewaystobringherintomeinaprotectiveembrace.

Yeah.
Iknow.
AtthisverysecondtheonlythingIhatemorethannatureisthegoodguyinsideofmewhothought

anyofthiswasagrandidea.

AnyairIhadinmylungshasleft.Kennedyandherheavyasspackispinnedtomychest.Iloosenmy

holdonhertogetsomeair.There'sanelbowortwoinmyribswhensheuntanglesourlimbstositupand
frownatmelikeI'velostmymind.

ThisisaroundthetimeIrealizemyleftarmistherealheroofthistale.Thevillainiswhateverhas

mysleevegettingthatwet,stickysensationthatcanonlybeblood.I'mnotgoingtolookyet.I’mjustnot.

Ifocusonherinstead.“Youokay?”
Shelaughsandtriestoclimbtoherfeet.Gravityworksagainstherandherheavyasspacksoittakes

a few tries. “You're not supposed to freak out. The thing could have bitten me or you.” She glances
around.“Ithinkwescareditawaywithyourstuntdive.”

That'sgood.ThelastthingIneedisasnakebite,too.“Wasn'tthinkingthatclearly.Ihadgoodguyon

thebrain.”Thatfuckingasshole.I'mgoingtokillthatguy.Soon.“Butyou'reokay?”

“Yeah.” She giggles and shakes her head. “I don't think I've ever seen you move that fast. You all

right?Ilandedrightontopofyou.”

Idon'tknowhowtoanswerthatwithoutlying.Fuck.I'mgoingtohavetolook.Shit.Ibitedownon

my lip. Only a grunt gets out when I sit up. There's a nice sharp rock the size of my two fists where I
landedonmyarm.Kindofcan’tavoidrocksortreesoffthetrail.Hencewhywefuckingsticktothem.

Notthepoint.There'salsoafairbitofbloodonthegraystoneandmysleeveisslicedopen.
Yeah.Andmyarmistoo.Thankfullyitlooksworsethanitfeels.ThisisexactlywhatIplantotell

her,butallcolordrainsfromKennedy’sface.

“Duke!”
“It'snothing.”
She kneels beside me, gently taking my arm in her hands. “Your arm is probably about to fall off

fromgangreneandyousayit'sokay.”

“Gangrenetakesalittlelongerthanthis.”
Sheglaresatmeforasecond.“Deepbreath,I'mgoingtopulloutthepiecesofyourshirttogeta

goodlook.”

Inodandtrytoholdbackmywincewhenshedoes.Thegashisaboutthreeincheslong.Idon'tknow

howdeep,thoughIdon'tseebone.There’stoomuchbloodtoseeanythingbutagapingwound.It'sgoing

totakemorethanagauzetodealwithit.

Shit.
“Allright,”shesaysandnodstoherself.“Allright.”
Someonecouldputporcelainnexttoherfaceandshemightbetwoshadespalerthanit.“Kennedy

—”

“Doyouhaveadecentfirstaidkitinyourpack?”
“Yes,but—”
“Thisiswhat'sgoingtohappen.”
“Ken—”
“You'regoingtostopsayingmynamelikeI'mawomanflippingoutfornoreasonwhenyou'resitting

inapoolofyourownblood.”

Nooneeversnapsatme.Iblameshockforwhymymouthclampsshut.
Shenods.“Howdeepisthekitinyourpack?”
“Rightontop.”
“Good.I'mgoingtohelpyougetyourpackoffandyou'renotgoingtoarguewithmeaboutit.”
Weworktogethertogetitoff.Herhandstremble.Isaynothingbecausecolorhasn'treturnedtoher

face.Heractionsaremethodical,likeshe'scallingonrotememorytowalkherthroughpatchingmeup.
Shesanitizesherhands,gloveson,cutsoffmysleeve,sterilizesthewoundandcleansforvisibilityofthe
injury.She'sdonethisbeforeortrainedforit—likeIhave.Tarekmadesureofitbeforehetookusouton
ourfirsthikingtrip.

“Idon'tknowifyouneedstitches,”shesays.“There'stoomuchbloodandit'snotstopping.Idon't

wanttouseglueincaseyourwoundneedstobecleanedoutbetter.Youneedadoctor.”Iopenmymouth.
“Don'targuewithme.Aprofessionalisgoingtolookatyourarmtomakesureitwon'tfalloff.”

She'sfussingovermeandbossingmearound.Idon'tthinkanyonehaseverdonethat.Mothersdon't

count.Idon'tknowhowtoprocessthis.Ikindofjustwanttolether,justtoseehowitfeels.

“Tarekhasthesatellitephone,”Itellher.“Thereareabunchofcabinshereservesincasethereare

flameouts.HeonlyusesthemifsomeonecriesUncle.Ifwe'reanhouroutfromcamp,thatmeanstheyare
thirtyminuteswestofhere.”

“Flameouts?”
“Sometimespeopleliketheideaofcampingmorethanactuallycamping.”
“I'm currently missing the shit out of a proper bathroom. And an ER.” The corners of her mouth

tighten.“Thebleedingisn'tslowingdown.Areyoudizzy?”

I’mtooenthralledbywhat’shappeningtoher.Iknowshewantstofuckmeandthatshelikesme,but

thisisdifferent.Thisisfearonmybehalf.“Bandagemeupasbestyoucan.I'llbefine.”

After Kennedy wraps the gash in gauze, she pins me with a worried gaze. “Here's the test. We're

goingtogetyoutoyourfeet.Hopefullyyouwon'tpassout.Ican'tcarryyou.”

“IdoubtI'llswoon,butsoyouknow,theclearingisstraightahead.Don'tmakeanyleftturns.”
Her golden eyes flash. “You are not going to pass out on me.” She nods, mostly to herself and

repacksthekit.“Let'sgetyourpackon.Ican'tholdmine,itandyou.You'regoingtohavetopullyour
ownweight.Andyou'renotgoingtopassout.”

Thosewordsaren'tforme.I'mawareofthat,butItakemytimegettingtomyfeet.Myheartbeatfeels

funny.Whenshe'ssureI'mnotgoingtoswoonlikeaVictorianlady,shehelpsmeputonmypacktaking
greatcaretoavoiddirectcontactwithmyarm.

Hershirtandcargopantsarecoveredinmyblood.Ilooknobetter.“We'regoingtoscaretheshitout

ofeveryone.”

“They'lldeal.”Sheinspectsmyface.“You'repale.Shit.Comeon.”
OurpaceishurriedandIkeepupwithoutweaving.Iamlosingafairamountofblood,butit’sgoing

totakemorethanthistokillme.

We hit the clearing without mishap. Tarek and Nate’s heads are together but they both snap to

attentionwhentheyseeus.Itgoesaboutaswellonewouldimaginewhenoneofyourfriendsiscovered
inhisownblood.

For the next forty-five minutes, Kennedy barks orders like a drill sergeant. It's a thing of beauty.

WithinanhourI'matthecabinwithiceonmyarmtohelpcombattheswelling.Nateisonwatchforthe
doctorontheporch.Hewastoldtocomealongincasehehadtocarryme.

I'mnottomovefromthecouchorsohelpmeGod.
Oneguesswhosaysthat.
Inafewhourswhenthedoctorgivesmeacleanbillofhealth,Kennedy’sgoingtocrashfromthe

adrenaline rush. I close my eyes to get some sleep because I'm going to be there to catch her. She took
careofme.Icanfeelthedepthofthat.

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

I'monthebedusingmygoodarmtoflippagesofTheArtofWar.Notmychoice,thoughitdoeshave

somesalientpoints.SomeoneleftitbehindanditwasthisortheBible.Thebathroomdoorcreaksopen.
Kennedy leans against the doorjamb. Her shirt is tight and stops just below her belly button. The boy
shorts cuts high along her thighs. I went through her pack and I know she had a long sleeve shirt and
leggingspackedforthenight.

Despite that, what I focus on is her face. I don't need her to stand in the light to know she's been

cryingintheshower.Aknotrisesinmythroat.Iknewshe’dcrash,Ihadn’tthoughttherewouldbetears.

“Comehere,”Itellher.
Shedoesn'tbarkanyorderstokeepmyleftarmproppedonthepillowassheclimbsinnexttome.

The mattress softly protests with the added weight then again as she cuddles up to my chest. Her hair
brushesmychin.Thescentoflilacsclingtothedampstrands.

Iplacemypalmonthebackofherhead.“You'vehadalongday.”
Shetriestoplayoffthesniffbyburyinghernoseinmyshirt.“Itcouldhavebeenyourhardheadthat

yousplitopen.”

“Iwastryingtobeagoodguy.Thisiswhathappens.I'velearnedmylesson.Neveragain.”
Shebringshergazetomine,andsheisnotamusedbythejoke.Ichuckleatthequietadmonishment.

Herbrowsfurrowmore.

“Igetit,”shesays.“YouconsideritjustascratchandIfreakedout.”
“DidIsaythat?”Iballmyhandinherhairandtugsoshehastolookatme.“Iheard'snake'andI—”
I can't form my mouth to say scared. If anything happened to her because of me I don’t know if I

couldweatherit.Thereisn’tenoughcoldintheuniverseformetodrownmyselfin.

Itryagain.“Weshouldhavebackedupslowly.Ididn't.InmyattempttoplayClarkKent,Ibusted

openmyarm.Youtookcareofme.Nowstopputtingwordsinmymouth.”HergazesoftensandIsmile.
“Especiallywhenyour—”

“Duke,”shesaysinanexasperatedtone.
OfcourseI’mthinkingaboutsex.She’sbreathingandcogent.“Ithoughtwomenlovedhonesty?”
“I'm just...” She fists her hands in the collar of my shirt. Her fingers press into me like she has to

reassureherselfI’mrightthere.“IgettensewhenpeopleIcareaboutgethurt.”

Thedarknessstaringbackatmeinhergazemakesmeswallow.HowcouldIbeacriminalattorney

and not be able to recognize the bleakness? Childless mothers, motherless children...they all have an
abysssittinginsidethem.Itrynottolookintoit.Ican'tdomyjobifIdo.NotbecauseI'msomebleeding
heart,butbecauseemotionsdon'tmatterwhenarguingfacts.Unlessit'stomybenefit.

I'mnotstandinginfrontofajurynow.Herabyssdragsateveryvulnerableandweakbitinsideme.It

triestodrownmeinthesorrowreflectingatme.TheSecnevermentionedit,andthatmakesmethinknot
eventheyknow.Thisishersecret,oneshe’ssharingwithmenow.

“Yourmother?”IaskthoughIknowtheanswer.
Sheblinks.I'mnotsureifit'sfromsurpriseortryingtofightbacktears.“What?”hervoiceisarasp.
Kennedytriestobreakourstarebutmyholdonherhairistoostrong.“Howdidshedie?”
Herthroatbobswhilesecondstickby.“Shewasmurdered,”shemurmurs.“Homeinvasion,andshe

wastheonlyonehome.”

Myholdtightenstokeepherstill.“Didthepersonwhodiditpay?”
“Itwashisthirdstrike.”
Everythingaboutherfallsintoplace.She,too,isaproductofherupbringing.WhereasIwasraised

tolookfortheloopholes,avoidmanipulationbutdishoutplenty,andnever,everlose,Kennedyhadher
worldturnedupsidedown.

From then on, she needed for her world to remain black and white. People who commit crimes

shouldgotojail.Innocentpeopleshouldbefoundnotguilty.Goodguysaretheonlymensheshouldclimb
intobedwith.

I loosen my grip. How much does it cost her to be here with me? Will she resent me for it

eventually?

Don'taskquestionsyoudon'twanttheanswersto.
She’shere,inbedwithme,andI’mnotthatgoodofamantoturnheraway.Itipherchinupand

guidehermouthtominetogivehertheonlycomfortIknowhowtogive.

I'llnevergettiredofkissingher.Kennedybreathesmeineverytimewedolikeshecan'tbelieveour

mouthsarefused.Fuck.It'sintoxicating.Iwanttotakeherhard,now.IfIpopthestitchesinmyarmitwill
bewellworththepainandinconvenience.

ButIhadherhardthefirsttimeweweretogether.Shit,todaysheputonherarmortomakesureI

remainedinonepiece.Thatdeservessoftness,especiallywhenIcanstilltastethesaltofhertearsinthe
kiss.

Ibrushmytongueintohermouth.Sherespondsinkind,hermoanawhisper.
Sheworksherfingersunderneathmyshirtandtracesthelinesofmuscleupanddownmychest.She

passesherthumbovermynippleonce,twice.Mybloodpounds.Ipinhershouldertothebed.

Hergazefliestominethenshesmiles.“Likethat,huh?”
“Too much, especially when it's your nipples that need attention.” I push up from the bed and she

laughs.

“Can'tlosecontrolforonesecond,canyou?”
Ilifttheedgeofmyshirtandthenherhandsareonmyskin.Igruntasshehelps,inherownfucked

upway.There'snothingIcandobutpromisepaybackwhenshecloseshermouthonmynippleandsinks
herteethin.Hertongueishot,quick,andmind-numbing.Igettangledinmyshirtunabletodoanythingbut
watchtheflashofpinkasshelicksherwaydownmytorso.

Shelooksup.“Needhelp?”
“Yes.”Anythingtogethermouthoffme.
“IguessI'llbenice.”
She still uses her mouth. A lot. Her hands too. I'm panting by the time we get my underwear off. I

pushmyselfbetweenherlegsandimprisonherhandsaboveherheadwithonehand.

“Bestill.”
Shebitesherliptoholdbackasmile.“Youseemangry.”
“Annoyed.”
“Oh,Iwassupposedtoliebackandletyouseduceme?”
“Yup.”
“Askmenicely.Iwanta'please'and'thankyou',andifyoudon'tknowwhatthosewordsare,I'm

happytodefinethem.”

Kennedyisatwo-handjob,butI'mgoingtomakedo.“Shirt,pantiesoff.”
HerlaughismixedwithmoansasIhelpherthistime.Whenshe'sbareIleanbackonmyhaunchesto

enjoytheviewofherlegsspreadwidewithmine,hertitsheavy,swollenandthetipspebbled,wetfrom
mytongue.

Itakeherhandandcloseherfingersovermycock.“Pleaseholdontothisandstrokelightly.”
“WhatifImakeamess?”
“Justrubthetipofmycockinit.”
Ileanforwardandclosemymoutharoundhernipple.Herhandtightens.Better,butnotclose.Iroll

thebudinmymouth,nip,lickandeverythinguntilherhandstills.Betterwhenthetipsoffingersofher
freehandsinkintomyhair,pressingmeclosetoherbreast.Iletmymouthworshiphertitsfromthecurve

ofherbreaststohercollarbone.Shedoesn'tcomplainaboutthescratchofmystubble,orthebites,orthe
tugseither.Herhipsrockupanddown,beggingintheirownway.

Imakemywaybacktohermouth.Sheletsoutafrustratedgroan.
“Whywon'tyoujustfuckmealready?Aretherenocondomsinthiscabin?”
Icrackatsmileather.“FoundsomenexttotheBibleinthedrawer.”
“Thenfuckmealready.”
“That'sthemistakeImadethefirsttime.”Icatchherhandbeforeitsqueezesmydick.Shehadher

chancetodrivemetothebrink.Nowit'smyturn.“Youshouldn'thavebeenabletowalkafterIwasdone
withyou.”

Hertongueflicksouttowetherbottomlip.“You'reprobablyscaredyouwon'tlastverylong.”Her

eyeslight.“Likethelasttime.”

Iknowshe'sbaitingme.Iknowit.
Thejokecannotstand.
Ibrushmymouthagainsthers.“Myarmisstartingtohurt.”Iaddalittlemorevulnerabilitytomy

voiceanddomybesttohithersoftspot.“I—Ineedyoutogetontopandfinishthis.”

Hergazesoftens.“Okay.”
She'ssogentlewithmeIalmostfeelbadforplayingher.That’suntilshegetsthecondomsfromthe

drawerthenuseshermouthtoputoneonme.Kennedy’sfuckingruthlesswhenshewantstobe.Ilikethat
abouther.

Igrabahandfulofherhairtopullherawayfrommycock.“NotthelipsIwantonme.”
The corner of her mouth lifts. “I wanted to make sure condom was on right. I’m on the pill, but

mistakeshappen.”

Ijerkherup.Shemoansattheviolentdisplay,climbingmytorso.Iletgowhenshestraddlesmylap.

Herfingertipsareawhisperagainstthetipofmycockasshepositionsherselfoverit.Thenheaven.Pure
heaven.She'sdrippingforme.Sogoddamntight.JesusFuck.Herpussy...I'mgoingtoshootmyfaceoff
withit.

Shetakesallofmeandwebothmoan.
“Kissme,”Imurmur.
Herbreastscrushalongmychestthenhermouthisonmine.BeforeIcantrytocatchmybreath,she's

liftingherhipsupanddown.Soslow.Tender.Themattressprotestseventhatsmallmovement,butIdon't
care.I'mnotbeatingbackcontrolasherpussyfuckingundoesme.ThemomentshecomessoamI.This
wasthepoint,but...

Ididn'texpect...
I'mmoaning.TheachingthrobinmyarmI'vebeenignoringhasmovedtomycock.And Kennedy.

Shebreaksthekisstoframeherhandsonmypecs.Thebettertorollherhips.

And.
Jesus.
Fuck.
Shelookslikeagoddessintheglowofthelight.Herredhairisamessofwetanddrytangles.Her

titsarepressedtogetheryettheybounceeverytimeherassslapsdownonmypelvis.Hernipplesarered,
hardpoints.I'msurroundedbythescentoflilacsandsexandpussy.Myheartbeatclimbsasthepleasure
poundsintome.

Idon'tfightitortrytoreinitin.Ialwaysdo,andI’vemissedsomuchfighting.Irevelinthewaymy

cockisburied,squeezedandstrokedbyher.Sofuckingslowly.

“Lookatme,”shewhispers.
I'dclosedmyeyeswithoutrealizingit.“Kennedy.”
Sheclenches.“Youbetternotcome.”

“Youbetter.”
Ireachbetweenusandflickmythumboverherswollenclit.Shegrindsintomeandmyhandtoget

offharderandfaster.Herskinflushes.Ilovethatsheblushesevenwhendoingdirtyshit.

“Makemewet,Kennedy.Dripalloverme.”
Sheslapsahandovermymouthbutit'stoolate.Herpussyistuggingmedeeper,tighter.Ishifttorest

myfeetflatagainstthebedtofuckherback.Thepaceishardandfasttogetheroffquicker.Doesn’ttake
longbeforeshestiffens,bitingherlip.

Shit.Ihavetobiteminetootoholdback.Everyheartbeatpulsesinmycock,myballsandtheback

ofmyskull.Ican'tblowyet.Ipantwhileherorgasmripsthroughme,leavesmesoakingandhalf-blind.

She'stremblingaboveme,butherhipsarestilljerkingmeoff.Ican'twaitanymore.“Gonnacome.”
“Wannatasteit,”shesays.
Herwordsarestillringinginmyearsasmycockpopsfreeofherembrace.Lessthanasecondlater

comespurtsout.Sheslipsthecondomoffwithonehandandwiththeothershefistsme,strokingoutthe
restofthecome.That'sit.That'sallshewrote.Thoughtscease.

Kennedy rubs her thumb over my slit. I think I make a sound. I'm floating too high on how good

everythingfeels.

“Youmadeamess.”
Ihavetoblinktwiceformyvisiontoclear.Shedragshertongueoverherthumbthenforefinger.
“KennedyfuckingMclane,”Irasp.
“YoutasteasgoodasIremembered.”Shesmiles.“Lastedaslongtoo.”
She'sdiggingherselfaholeanddoesn’tevenknowitassheclimbsupmeforakiss.Eventhatis

cocky. Maybe I just love the fact she's kissing me, using her tongue to decimate any thought I dared to
have.God,Iletheruntilmycockisthickandhardagain.Iclosemyarmaroundherwaistandrollus.

Shegasps.“Yourarm—”
“Can'tfeelit.”
Mykissispunishing.Idon'tletupasIstraddleherlegs.Shegetshickiesonherneckfortheshit

talk.Hertitsgetmymouthagain.Mydickpokesherbellyandshesquirms,wantingmore.

I loom over her and make sure she can see my eyes. “On your belly, Kennedy.” I give her enough

roomtodojustthat.Herassisperfection.Igrabanothercondom,slipitonthenfinallyIleanforward.

Iwhisperinherear,“Thistimeyoumostdefinitelyaregoingtoneedasafeword.”
Shelooksbackatme.“Pancakes.”
“Screamitwhenyouneedto.”
“Bigtalk.”
Idon'tspreadherlegs.Istaystraddledonthemsincemyarmcan'tcrapoutonmeinthisposition.

Mydickisstillwetfrommyowncome.Ipressthetipbetweenherasscheeks,downuntilIfindthesweet
spot.Shearchesuptohelp.Islipinsideheragain.Itfeelsjustasgood.Better.

Shemakesmewanttocome,andhopeInevercome.Iwanttodiewhilebeingburiedinsideher.I

flex my hips, mesmerized how my cock disappears and how I'm completely surrounded by her. She
clenchesherhandsinthesheets.

“Duke.”
“Pleasesaythatagainwhenyoucome.”
Islowmythrustsbutmakesuretogiveheranice,hardpumpattheendofeachone.Themattress

letsoutasqueakandshebitesintothesheets.It'snotlongbeforeIfeelthefirstspasmaroundmycock.

Ibrushherhairawayfromherback,leanforwardonmyarm,andfuckherlikeImeanit.Ithinkshe

eatshalfthesheettokeepfromscreaming.Igrindintoheruntilshe'stremblingbeneathmeandtryingto
killusbothwiththeaftershocksofherorgasm.

I nip her earlobe, doing my best to think of puppies or penal codes—anything that’s not Kennedy

squeezingmydick.KennedysoftandwetenoughIwanttolapherupwhenshe’sdonetryingtoendmy
lifethroughmycock.

Finallysherelaxes,andIcanbreathe.
“IforgottosayDuke,”shemurmurs.
Ileanbackandslapherass.“Iknow.”
“Dothatagain.”
“Ithoughtweweresayingpleasetoeachother?”Islapherassanyway,because...fuck,yeah.
Sheshifts.“You’restillhard.”
“Younoticed?”
Shewiggles.“Yes.”
“ThenyoushouldknowthefirsttimeIcomeiseasy.It’sthesecondonethatshouldworryyou.”
Herlaughishusky.“IsthatyourwayofsayingIshouldplaywithmyclit?”
Iwrapherhairaroundmyhandandtuguntilherneckiscurved.Shewon'tbeabletoscreamintothe

sheets.“PancakesistheonlythingIwanttohearfromyou.”

“Makeme.”
Iswallowthelaugh.I’mnotevenclosetobeingdonewithher.“Kennedy,I’mstartingtothinkyou

wantmetofuckyouuntilyoucan’twalkstraight.”

Herteethscrapesoverherbottomlip.“Please?”
Iwon'tboreyouwiththedetails.I'lljustsayshescreamedhersafeword.

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

ThenextmorningIleaveKennedysleepinginthebedroomandfollowthescentofcoffee.Nateand

Tarek loiter in the kitchen. The cabinets had nothing but canned items the night before. Now there are
bagels,creamcheese,andfreshfruitonthecounter.

Mostimportantthoughisthecoffee.Tarekhandsmeacupwithoutprompting.
“Whattimeisit?”Iask.
“Six-thirty,”Natesays.
Tarekexplains,“Hesleptin.”
“Givenyougetupbeforeroosterscancrow,I'llcountmyblessings.”Iguzzlecoffee.Thebrewwon't

winawards,butit'lldo.

Tarekgestureswithhischintomyarm.“Howyoufeelingthismorning?”
Itookoffthebandagetoletthewoundgetsomeair.Nearthebottom,flakytracesofblooddecorate

theskin.Kennedy'sgoingtobepissedaboutthat,butforthemostparttheswellingandpainisannoyingat
worst.

“Fine,Iguess.Ithinkotherplanshavetobemadetogetmeoffthismountain.”
Natetakesalongsipofhiscoffee.“Yeah.Youshouldn'tworkupasweatoroverexertyourself.The

doctorsaidthatbeforesheleft.”

Tarekgrins,andIknowwhattheyweretalkingaboutbeforeIenteredthekitchen.There'snothingto

dobuttakeanotherdrinkofmycoffee.

Nate’sgrinwidens.“Ithinkthecabinishaunted.”
Tarek’sbrowsgoup,clearlyplayingalong.“Whywouldyouthinkthat?”
Iglareattheceilingandsigh.“Ihopeyoubothfalloffaclifftoday.”
Nateadds,“Strangestnoiseslastnightwokemeup.”
“Really?”Tarek’snoteventryingtoholdbackhislaugh.“Whatdidtheysoundlike?”
“Andthattherearerocksatthebottomofthecliff.Sharpones.”
“Squeak. Squeak. Squeaksqueaksqueaksqueak. Squeak. Squeak.” Nate takes another sip then says,

“AndIcouldhaveswornIheardsomethingaboutbreakfastfoods.”

Shit.Ididn’tknowwewerethatloud.NotthatIcaredatthetime.Iopenmymouthtotellthemboth

tofuckoff,butthehairsonmynapestandonend.Iglanceback.Kennedy'sstandingafewfeetbehindme.
Herhairisstillverymuchamessbutshe'swearingalong-sleevedshirtandtights.Hercheeksareadeep
crimson.

“I'm sorry, Nate, about the bed. The pain pills refused to kick in and Duke needed some help

sleeping.Ididmanagetocoverhismouthbetweenscreams.So...couldhavebeenworse.”

Hechokesonhisdrink.Tarek,Ithink,isgoingtobethefirstpersontodiefromlaughing.Hisbreath

is just a wheeze. She kisses my cheek as she passes to grab some fruit and bagels. She leaves us be a
minutelaterhavingdecimatedanyformofconversation.

Natewipesthecoffeefromhischinwithhisforearm.“You'regoingtohavetomarryher.”
Ifinishmycupanddropitintothesink.“Shemadeyoublush.I'llconsiderit.”
Tarek pushes away from the counter. “I have to get back in a bit. Everyone was asleep but the

RussianwhenIleft.Nate,we'reheadingoutintwohourstothewaterfallthenwe’reheadedhome.”

“Letmewashuprealquick,andI'llleavewithyou.”
They both look at me. “Like I said, Kennedy and I will be taking other transportation off this

mountain.I'llcatchupwithyouwhenIgethomethough.”

Nate leaves us alone. Tarek takes measure of me, a frown etching along his brows. “You seem

happy.”

“Let'spsychoanalyzeit.”

“I'm saying you have sex like it's maintenance. You have fun in the same way. You can take it or

leaveit.Toooftenyouleaveit.”

He’snotlying.“And?”
“Shemakesyoulaugh.SoImeanitwhenIsaydon'tfuckitup.”Heshrugs.“Maybeeventalktoher

aboutyourdad.”

NatetriedtohavethatconversationwithmemorethanafewmonthsagoandIshuthimdown.I'ma

littlesurprisedit'stakenTarekthislongtopokethatbear.Thenagain,whenIwantedastiffdrinkthenight
ofmyfather'sfuneral,hewastheonetopracticallypourliquordownmythroat.NottoshitonNate.He
fellasleepsittingupafterthethirdcup.Fuckinglightweight.

Irollmyshouldershopingthethoughtlessmovementpushesdownthesuddentension.“Idon'twant

totalkaboutmydad.”

Hesighs.“Ofcourseyoudon't.”
Themusclesinmybackstillbunchintoaknot.I'mdefensivewhenitcomestomyfather.I'maware

ofitandcan'thelptheknee-jerkreaction.TarekandNateknowalltheuglydetails.Theywitnessedthe
truthatimeortwo.It'shistorythatdoesn'tneedtoberetold.It'sburiednow.

“Let'scutthroughtheshit,”Isay.“Youwantmetoemote?”
“Insummary.”
I tell myself to relax, but my jaw still flexes as my teeth scrape against each other. “I thought you

wereleaving?”

“AssoonasNate'sdonewashingthefunkoffhisballs.”
Asifoncue,Natecomesbackintothekitchentostealsomebagels.“I'mreadytogo.”Heglances

betweenus.“Didyoutellhimtoshowhisfeelings?”

“Idid.”
“We'vedoneallwecando.Let'sheadout.”
Theywantthebestforme,ofthatIhavenodoubt.Irollmyshouldersagainandlettheiradvicesink

in.Kennedytoldmeactionsspeaklouderthanwordsforher,andoursarescreaming—thingsI’mnotsure
Kennedywants.Hell,Iwant.BeforeIcomplicatethingsthatdon'tneedtobe,Ishouldseewhereherhead
isat.

Attheveryleast,sheneedstoknowhowdeeptherabbitholegoes.

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

Ittakeshertwentyminutestoleavethebathroomandenterthelivingroom.I'vemadeahomeonthe

couch.I'verestedtheballsofmyfeetonthecoffeetable,settledintoaCastlemarathon—thecabinhasa
satellite dish. She's dressed in the tights and long shirt, unfortunately, and she's pulled her hair into a
ponytail.

Shegrabsapillowandoffersittomewithoutcomment,onlyaraisedbrow.Thatlookiswhywe’re

finding other means off the mountain. I’m still trying to avoid picking at the frayed edges of us. We’ll
unravelattheslightesttug.I’mnotreadyforhertoleavemybed.

Ipropmyarmwithoutcomplaint.“Somethingonyourmind?”
She’swearingherpokerface.“DoIhaveyourfriends’approval?”
Ifthat'snotthebestopening...“Didyouwantit?”
Sheshrugs.Icanseethroughtheaction.Shewantstheokayfrommyfriends.“Itfeelsimportantto

you.”

Her wording makes me tilt my head. It didn’t cross my mind Nate and Tarek wouldn’t like her.

They’dalreadytoldmetheydid.Yetiftheyhadn’t,Idon’tknowhowI’dfeelaboutit.Inarrowmygaze
ather.“Thatsoundslikearelationshipthing.”

Sheshakes her headthen laughs. “Youinvited me to aweekend camping trip,and you're unsure if

we'redating?”

Huh.She’srightonthatpoint.“Okay.”
Herbrowsshootup.“That'sit?”
“Yup.”
Shestraddlesmylap.Idropmyfeettothefloorforbetterleverage.Herlidslowerassheinspects

myface.“Wasthisyourwayofhavingtherelationshiptalk?”

Iwrackmybrainforanythingelsethatneedstobesaid.“Areyoufuckinganyoneelse?”
“IfColinhadkepthiscatpicstohimself...”
Igiveherponytailasoftyank.“I'mbeingserious.”
“SoamI.”Shenipsatmybottomlipandwhispersagainstmymouth,“You'retheonlypersonwho

willspankmeinmykitchen.”Sheglancesaroundthecabin.“Oranywhereelse.”

“Good.”
“Youarenotthissimple.”
Iyankherponytailagain.“Neitherareyou.”
Herlegstensearoundme.Ishouldleaveitatthat.No,Idon'twanttotalkaboutmyfeelings,butI

needtoknowwhatI'mfacingwithher.Idon'tlikegoingintoanysituationblind.

“Withthatsaid,”Ikeepmyvoicelevel,“Iwanteverythingonthetable.Idon'twantanysurprises

downtheline.Don'tlietomeorleaveanythingout.Ifyou’renotreadytosayitoutloud,that’sfine.Just
fuckingsaythat.”

Shedropshergazeandmystomachfollows.“Andyou'lltalkaboutyourfather?”
“There's nothing to talk about with him. He loved my mother. He tolerated me. Tolerated me less

whenIdidn'tfallinline.Hedied.”

Shepressesherpalmtomycheek.“Okay.”
Mychesttightensatthesoftlyspokenword.“Don'tsayitlikethat.”
“Likeyou'refullofshit,andI'mbeingkindenoughtogowithit?”
Iturnmyfaceintoherpalmandbiteit.Shelaughs,pullingforwardsohercheekbrushesmine.“I

grew up poor, then middle class. My father didn't remarry until I went off to college. I love my step-
mother.She’sagoodwoman.Mydadishappy.ThisisthefirstyearIcantakeabreathwithmybusiness.
It’sdoingwell.I’minaplaceinmylifewhereIdon’tmindlettingamanwithagrowlyvoiceanddark

eyesleavehickiesonmyneck.”

“That’sit?”Shenods,buttheknotinmygutrefusestoloosen.“That'sall?”
“No.We'realone.Wehaveafewhourstokill.TruthbetoldI'dratherlickyourightnow.”
Iknowit'satactictodistractme.Ishouldforcetheconversation.It’snotlikemetoshyawayfroma

fightever.ThefactI’mevenhavingamentaldebateaboutthisletsmeknowI’mlosingmygoddamnedge
witheachpassingminute.

Pushthis,orgetmydickwet?
I’mfeelingsaneandnormaltoday.
“Where?”Isay.
She traces my jawline with her tongue as her answer. Everything in the moment heightens, turns

tactile.TherustleofherclotheswhenIclosemyhandsonherwaist.Thescratchofmystubbleagainstthe
softnessofhertongue.Thewayshearchesherhipsintome,torubagainstmycock.It’spossibletotakea
biteoutoftheairandeatthescentofthecinnamon.

That’swhereIliveinthemomentwithher.ThisIcanexperiencethedepthof—there’snowayIcan

breathe without feeling my heart thud along, my head get hazy with want. I tear at her shirt, my mouth
findingitswaybacktohersonceit’sgone.Shecurlsherhandsinmyhair.Myscalptightensattheslight
tug.

Idigmyfingersintoherflesh,lovingthewaytheysinkintohersoftness.Herbreathskatesalongmy

jawassheclosesherteethonmychin,hertonguefollowingthesametrail.Igrope,Icaress,andleaveno
partofherupperbodyuntouched.

“Ilovewhenyoudothat,”shemurmursalongmyskin.
“What?”
“Youalwaystouchmelikeit’llbeyourlasttime.”
For three years that had been the truth. I made myself promises that if the next time she stopped

caringifIwasagoodguyornotIwouldn’twasteit.Iwouldn’ttakehertriptothedarksideforgranted.
I’dkissthebackofherear,caresstheheelofherfoot,nipatthecrookofher—everything,I’dfondleand
lickeverythingsonopartofherdidn’tknowwhatitwasliketobeworshipedbymytouch.

It’s why I hate the necessary pause to take off my shirt. Hate it more when our hands tangle and

fumble over my jeans to release my cock. A short forever passes for her to finish getting undressed, a
condomunwrapped...That’sokay,Itellmyself.AllofitwillbeokaythesecondIcanhaveherwrapped
aroundmycock.

Anticipationburnsinmyveinsasherfingersslidbackintomyhair,herthighsframemineandIcan

closemyhandsaroundherwaist.MakingnobonesaboutthefactIwanttobeinsideher,Islamherdown
ontomydick.Shedoesn’tmakeasound,onlygrindsintome.

Mytoescurlbutit’snotenough.Thecollisionofourbodiesneedstobeharder.Oursexneedsto

rattlemybones.IneedthatdarkrabbitholeItoldherabout.IshouldwarnherthistimeIneedit.

Fuckinggoodguy.
Hepreferswords.Hebelievesintentmatters.Hedoesn’twanttoscareher.
It’shardtofighthimwhenKennedyclenchesaroundme,thenfindsmymouthtomoanintoit,thento

lickme,biteme.She’stheperfectkindofwetrightbeforecoming.Ipushherhipsdownthenflexmydick
toappreciatetheslickwarmth.

“I’msoclose,”shemurmurs.
“Youfeeltoogood.”
“Iwanttocome,Duke.”
Shit.Islipahandbetweenustogiveherexactlywhatshe’saskingfor.Takessecondsforhertofly

apart. I drink in the way she pulses around me and clings to me as she does. She sinks deeper into the
pleasure,yetherhipscontinuetorocktoasilentrhythmI’vestoppedtryingtomatch.Iletherfuckme

withoutinterruption.ThetensionofnotaskingforwhatIwantfeelslikearockatmynape.Shit.Makes
mefeellikeaningrate.Kennedy’sdeliciouswithherlegsaroundmine,herpussywetandtight.

It’snotenoughtoday.I’mgoingtohavetoaskforsomethingthatmayendthis.Fuck,endus.
“Kennedy...”
Shestills,cupsmyface,andmeetsmygaze.“Whatisit?”
InthecourtroomIcanargueanycase.IcanfindthewordsevenwhenIdon’tbelievethem.It’shard

todothatnow.

“Whatdoyouneed?”sheaskswithmoreforce.
Kennedydoesn’twantthegoodguywhenwefuck.ShewantstheDukethatbendsheroveradesk,

spanksherinakitchenandwillcomeinhermouthondemand.Iturnmyfaceintoherpalmtoplaceakiss
inhersoft,smallhand.There’sthebiteofacallousfromworkingwithpaperdayin,dayout.Claspingher
hand,Iguideittomythroat.Iaddpressureandwatchherexpression.

IcanseethemomentshefullyunderstandswhatI’maskinghertodo.Idropmyhand.Asecondlater

sherestshercheekagainstmine.

“You’restillhard.”
“You’restillbreathing.”
Her chuckle is rough as she shifts again to lay her forehead is against mine. “I don’t want to hurt

you.”

Isqueezehermiddle,tryingtoplayoffthedisappointment.“Okay.”
Herfingersseemtodigintomeasshebrushesherfingertipsalongmyface.“CanIlikesqueezeyour

ballsinstead?Reallyhard.”

I take her face in my hands, a laugh fighting its way out, and kiss her. She moans, falling into our

mouths’ mating like it’s a salvation. I slouch lower then rock up into her. “Yeah, you can do that.” My
insidestighten.“I’dlikethattoo.”

Sherollsherhips,andIpullbackmyheadtobitedownonmylip.It’snotwhatIneed,butI’lltake

it.Fuck,Ialmostconvincemyselfit’sallthatIneedtheharderIsinkmyteethin.

Hersighwashesoverme.ShestopsmovingtorunherthumboverthebitemarksI’veleftonmylip.

“Showme.”

“No.”
Kennedyclenchesaroundme.InstinctivelyIthrustintoher.
“Youwantit,”shemurmursandittanglesintoamoanwhenIstrokeinsideheragain.Sheputsher

handonmythroat.There’snotrembleinit,butIholdhergazetoseeifshe’llbackdown.

Sheputshermouthtomine.“Showme.”
Iplacemyhandoverhersandonceagainguidehertocloseherfingersaroundmythroatwithenough

pressuretomakemyheartkickwithexcitement.“Youcan’thurtme.”

Hergazesoftens.“Sayingitdoesn’tmakeittrue.”
“Youwon’t.”Withtheweightofherhandonthehollowofmythroat,mydickpulses.“Keepfucking

me.”

I squeeze tighter and tighter until all I can feel is my pulse throb throughout my body, Kennedy’s

pussywetandsnugaroundme.Myworldshrinkstothosesensations.

My dick swells, gets harder than granite. The throb ringing through my body is deeper, sharper. It

hurts.Sofuckinggood.Isqueezetighteruntilthethudofmyheartseemstosuspend.Ican’tthinkofthe
partsIcutoutofme.Ican’trememberwhatweakisandwhyIshouldavoidit.I’mnowthatnextslow
thud.

It’llcomeandsowillI.IloosenherhandsoIcancatchenoughbreathtogasp,“Tits.Iwanttocome

onyourtits.”

Withoutargumentorquestions,she’sbetweenmykneesandpushinghertitstogether.Inthebackof

mymindIhavesomanygoddamnquestions.TheKennedyIfuckedblushedatthethoughtofdirtytalkand
catchingmycomewithhermouth.ThisKennedydoesn’tblinkwhenItellherIwanttocomeonhertits
afteralittlebitofbreathplay.

Thenextheartbeathitsandthethoughtsturnintoahaze.I’mtoogoddamnclosetolingeronanything

but the way the tip of my cock darkens. Swirling my thumb over the head and slit, I coax myself to the
veryedge.Myfististight.Slickedwithmyprecome.Sheleansforward,brushinghershouldersagainst
mylegs.There’sjustaroarinmyheadasIslipmydickbetweenthecreaseofhertits.

Everythingcentersonhowhardhernipplesare,howherbreathcatches,andhowthewhiteofmy

comeagainstherflushedskinlookslikedepravedart.Shemoansforit.

I know. I know. She’s likely doing that just to make the moment better. This does nothing for her

physically.ThefactshewouldstillmoansoIcancome,toholdthefantasy—fuckme.

IpainthertitspaleandgetthepleasureofhertonguewhenI’mspent.I’mnotmyselfwhenImurmur,

“Rubmeintoyourskin.Don’tshower.IwanttosmellmyselfonyoueverytimeItakeadeepbreathuntil
wegethome.”

“Isthatwhatyouneed?”
“Yes,”Ibreathe.
Shekissesme,andIknowshe’lldowhatIask.
Icanfeelthedepthofthat.It’sbetterthanherhandonmythroat.
But I know she’s going to ask why I need it. She’s going to question everything about me. I’m not

goingtobeagoodguyandshe’llrunaway.

CHAPTERSEVENTEEN

Anhourlatermyphoneringsinthecabin.Ididn’tturnitoffaftercallingthedoctorandsurprisingly

itremainedsilentuntilnow.ThedamnthingsitsmilesawayinthekitchenasmeandKennedyspoonon
thecouchnaked.I’mgoingtohavetoanswerit.

Whenisthequestion.
Idrawatrailbetweenherbreastsdowntoherstomach.“Ms.Mclane?”
Kennedy’sbreathingremainsslowandsteady.IignoreallthewaysIwanttophysicallytakeherinto

me,protectherasbestasIcan.That’sstupidandsentimental.That’signoringthefactshecantakecareof
herself.

Myphonequiets.Ihavenodoubtamessagewillbethenextalert.
Ipressmymouthtoherear.“I’mgoingtohavetoanswerthat.”
Sheshiftseitherattheintimatetouchorthesoundofmyvoice.Hereyesflutteropen.“Becauseyou

don’tlikequestions?”

Canyouguesswedidn’thaveatalk?Ilaughatherlaserfocusevenhalfasleep.“Work.”
Shemoansthenrollsover,facingme.“Howisyourarm?”
Morecrustybloodafterourworkoutsession.“It’sfine.”
Sheblinkstoclearsleepfromhergaze.“You’rebatting0for2withlies.EitherIcanseethrough

yourpokerfaceoryou’renottryinghard.”

Maybeboth.“Myworkphonedidring.”
“Butthat’snotwhyyou’reitchingtoleave.”Shereachesuptobrushherfingertipsalongmythroat.
Thewordshitmerightinthegut.“Ilikebreathplay.”ThereIsaidit.
“Isthatwhatit’scalled?”
Iwrapmyarmaroundherandpullherintome.Mystitchesprotestthemovement.“Yes.”
“Itdoesn’tseemsafe.”
“That’swhyIlikeit.”
AndhowdoIexplaintherest?IlikebreathplaybecausewhenIwaslittleIwastoldtocutoutany

emotion?IcanonlyexperiencethefulljoyofsexifIstarvemybrainofanythingelsebutsensation.Beit
throughpainorothermeans.

Iadd,“Howaboutthis,ifyou’retrulyhurtingme,I’lltaponyourwristtwice.”
Shedropsherhandfrommythroatandreachesformycock.No.Formyballs.Iclenchmyjaw.
“AndwhenIdothis,you’lltellmewhen?”
I would laugh if heat hadn’t stolen my breath. “Do it right it and you’ll know when.” In the next

secondmyvisiongrayed.“FuckingKennedy.”

Herlaughbrushesagainstmyskinwhilehernailsgrazemysac.“Wasthat‘when?’”
“Thatwas‘more.’Dothatthenexttimeyouputyourmouthonmycock.”
Hersmilefallsawayandsodoesherhand.“Butwhydoyouneedit,Duke?”
Myphoneringsagain.Disappointment.Ihaven’tseenthatexpressiondirectedatmetheentiretime

wewereonthemountain.Ihadn’tmissediteither.Shepullsawaywithasigh,givingmeroomtogetup
andanswerit.

Thecalliswork.Igetup.
BeforeIcanofferagreeting,thewords,“TheyreadmemyMirandaRights,”hitme.
MyfocusshiftstoGabriel’svoice.“What?”
“You’re my one call and I’m making it. I thought there would be more fanfare. TV so lied to me.

Gettingarrestedisprettymundane.”

Thisisnotgood.Ipinchthebridgeofmynose.“Didyoufartwhenyoucoughed?”
Gabrielsnorts.“No.Ikeptthatmuchofmydignity.”

“Thenyou’rebetteroffthanmost.Wheredidtheytakeyou?”
HegivesmeallthedetailsIpreppedhimtogivemeifthisverythinghappened.I’llgoinprepared

andwon’tbecaughtoffguard.

“I’moutoftownsosittight.I’llbetheretospringyou.Didyoucallyouruncle?”
“Ithinktheycalledhim.”
SoIcan’tdragmyfeetonthis.IhavetogoandbeDukeAlexander,Esq.AfterIgettheinformationI

need,Iendthecall.Istrollovertothecouchthenleanalongtheedge.Kennedy’sgazeisshuttered,but
she’slookingrightatme.Shedoesn’tcoverherself,andI’llbeforevergrateful,ifnotsexuallyfrustrated
fortherestofmylifeifIdon’tgettotouchheragain.Soon.

“Isthisthepartwhereyouwhispersweetnothingsinmyearandmakepromises?”
Ismile.“I’mgoingtofuckyouagainthenexttimeIseeyou.”
She shakes her head, but amusement makes her eyes light. “If you want me to squeeze your balls

reallyhard,you’llusesweetwordsinstead.”

“I’lluseplease.”
Sheletsmelickherafterthatpromise.
Takestimeandalotofgreasedwheelstogetusoffthemountain,butIdo,andthenIspendhalfthe

nightbutteringfolksup—Preston—andpreppingforthearraignmentinthemorning.

I'mbleary-eyedbythetimeIgettowalkintothecourtroom,andlet'sjustsaymyweekendhasleft

meoffmygame.

“YourHonor,theprosecutionistalkingaboutmyclientasthoughhehasahistoryofviolentorsexual

crimes.”

Thelastiswhytheyarrestedandchargedhim.Theyfoundevidenceofspermicidemostoftenusedin

condoms.DNAcan’tpointafingeratorawayfromhim.Hisownstatementthatshespurnedhisadvances
twoyearsagowasenoughtoshowmotive.

Sweat makes my shirt stick my skin. I should be strutting through this hearing using charm or cold

facts. I haven’t felt like myself since Kennedy stood in my driveway. Worse, my opponent is Wesley
GeorgetheThird,duringanelectionyear.

Oh,howIhateelectionyears.
And,yeah,WesleyGeorgetheThird,too.Tohim,myclient’scaseisaprovingground,andGabriel

willbethesacrifice.Arichboy,arape,awomandead?Thecountlessrichboyswhowalkedbeforehim?
Gabriel'sfuckedwiththisarraignmentandIknowit.

ChiseledChinpopsoutofhisseat.“WhatkindofDAwouldIbeifIallowtheonlypersonatthe

crimescenetowalk?Heliterallyhadbloodonhishands.Thevictimturnedawayhisadvancesagainand
again.”Heglancesatmeandsmirks.“Afterbeingreleasedthefirsttime—”

“Hewasonlyheldforquestioning.Therewasnoarrestbeforelastnight.Thepressishere,andthe

prosecutionisdoinghisbesttoputonashow.”

“For the sake of public safety he should have remained in jail. The defendant has been joking on

InstagramhislifeisanepisodeofLawandOrder.”

I do my best to keep my gaze on Judge Jenkins. What I want to do is close my fingers around

Gabriel'slapelsandshakehimuntilhesuffersfromaconcussion.Icoveredhowheshouldlookandhis
generalbehaviorwiththerealworld.Iforgottomentionheshouldshutdownhissocialmedia.Inthisday
andage,Ididn'tthinkitwasnecessarytosay.

If people can get fired on the weekend because of something they posted on social media, the last

thingoneshoulddoisposttoInstagraminajokingmanneraboutbeinginvestigatedformurder.

IcanrantandraveaboutthatafterIgethimoutofthisfix.JudgeJenkinshasperchedhisfingertips

beneathhischin.I'vestoodinhiscourtroomenoughtimestoknowthingsarenotgoingmyway.

AndherecomesThirdtosay,“YourHonor,Ibelievethedefendantposesathreat.”

Let'spausehere.Normallythere'snosweatoffmybackifaclienthastospendafewdaysinjail.

Countyisnotprison.It'sinconvenient,somewhatdemeaning,andforsome,life-changing.

ButImakethemistakeoflookingatGabriel.Hiseyesarewideandtearsarethreateningtofall,but

he'slistenedtomeandkepthishandsclaspedtogether.Hisknucklesarebone-white.He’swearingmytie
forgod’ssake.Ican'tsendthiskidbacktocounty.Hewentatnightwheneveryonewasasleepandthey
heldhiminacellbyhimself.Generalpopwouldeathimalivethenmakehimtheirbitchinvariousugly
ways.

“He'semployed.”Thewordsleavemymouth,andIdon'tknowwhatdepthsofhellthey'vecrawled

from.Theyareouttherenow,spokenwithtoomuchconvictiontoblamealowglucoselevellater.

TheJudge'sgraybrowslift.“He'sfoundajob?”
The case hasn't reach national levels, but locally everyone knows my client is Preston's nephew.

Eveniftheydon'tknowthepersonalconnection,oneofthetopfirmsinHartsburghasdecidedtogohead
toheadwiththeDA'sofficeonwhatappearstobeanopenandshutmurdercase.

“Yes,”Isaytokeepthelieatitsbareminimum.
Yes.I'mtellingabald-facedlietoajudgeonrecord.
ChiseledChininserts,“Ifindthisalittleconvenient.”
JudgeJenkinssighsandhisbrownskinlookssallowbecauseheknowsthere’sgoingtobeanother

fightinhiscourtroomhehastosufferthrough.“Approachthebench.”

IrefusetoletmygazetrackbacktoGabriel.Notellingwhatwillfalloutofmymouthagain.The

judgeisfrowning,andIhavetocomeupwithaplausibleliebythetimeIgettothefront.Prestonwillnot
behappyifIdragthefirmintothisfiction.Gabriel'stooscrawnyforanyonetobelieveheworksatagym
withTarek.SinceNate’sself-employed,aliecouldonlybringtroubletohisfrontdoor.Andwhowould
beabigenoughbleedinghearttohiresomeonesuspectedofmurder?

Thejudgeleansforward,hisgazepinnedonme.“I'velivedthroughsomeofyourcourtroomantics.

MostareimpressivesoIforgivethem.”

Chiseledscoffs.“Same.Thisisasteptoofar.You'reonrecord,Alexander.IsPrestonholdingyou

overabarrelonthisone?”

Icaneatmywordswithoutconsequences,butthey'llsendGabrieltocounty.Iinhaleandmeetthe

judge'sgaze.“Callhisboss...KennedyMclane.”

Iknow.
Ifuckingknow.
Jenkinsstraightensandaddressesthestenographer.“We'removingthisdiscussiontomychambers.”
It'sthelongestwalkofmylife.MycellisinmybriefcasesoIcan'teventextKennedytogivehera

headsupI'vedraggedherintoalie.Onrecord.

It'sallgoingtoblowupinmyface.ThisisthelasttimeI'llbeabletowalkinthehallsofjustice

withmydignity.

I cherish the moment and take it all in. I even manage to ignore Third as he mutters about this all

beingbullshit.IfnotformyfatherIwouldn'tgetawaywithanyofthis.IdragmyfeetandthatmeansI'm
thelastonethroughthedoor.IcloseitbehindmeasJenkinssettlesbehindhisdesk.

TheroomfallsquietashedialsKennedy'snumberfrommemory.Yes.Frommemory.She'safixture

inourlocallegalsystem.

She'stheonepersonwhocansavemyass.
Thewomanwhobelievesinblackandwhitejustice.
Ishovemyhandsintomypocketsandwaitformycareertogodowninflamesrightbeforemyeyes.
Theringingstopsandhervoicefillstheoffice.“Malcolm,howareyou?How'sStella?”
“Iamgoodandsoisthewife.”Hesmilesandleansonhisdesk.“ButI'mcallingtogetsomedetails.

Dukehastoldmeyou'vehiredGabrielLance.”

Silence.OnelongenoughbothJenkinsandThirdpinmewithadisgustedgaze.
“YoumeanPreston'snephew?”sheasks.
Jenkins shakes his head. “I know you're a softie, but you hired an accused murderer? Based on

Duke'sword?”

I'm not offended by this. How can I be when my ass is clenched so tight I could turn coal into

diamonds?

Silenceagainthenshesays,“Thereisclearlysomethingaboutthiskid.Dukedoesn'tstickhisneck

outforanyonebuthimself.IhiredGabrieltodogruntwork.I'llhaveDukebringyouthepaperworkifthat
helps.”

Jenkinsglaresatmeforasecond.“Yourwordisgoodenough.”
Idon'tunclenchbecauseIjustmightshitmyself.IoweKennedybigtime,andshewillcallinthat

favor.ProbablyassoonasIleavethecourthouse.

Thirdshiftsbesideme.“Yougotluckytoday.Nexttime—”
“I'llholdyouincontemptifIeventhinkyou'relyingtome,”Jenkinsfinishesandthat'sbetterthan

anythreattheprosecutorcouldhavethrownatme.

Ishrug.“I'mnottheonepervertingjusticehere.”Imakesuretothrowadisgustedglareofmyownat

Third.“Nowcanwefinishthisargumentincourt?”

Hebrushespastmewithoutanotherword.Jenkinsisslowertorise.“He'sgoingtogiveyouhell,you

knowthatright?”

“Healwaystries.Atsomepointhehastobetiredoflosingtome.”
Thejudgedoeshisbesttohidehissmile,butIcatchit.
NormallyIwouldbaskinthesmallwin,butIstillhavetofacedownapissedoffKennedy.

*****

“Sit,”Iorder.“Don'ttalktoanyone.”
Gabrielpusheshisshouldersbackandliftshischin.I'mnotinthemoodforbravadoorrebellion.I

stuckmyneckoutforthiskidandIdon'tknowwhy.I'llgettothatafterIspeaktoKennedy.

We're crowding the lobby of her office. It's pushing six at night. Her secretary is pretending to be

busywhilecheckingmeout.Theplaceisnice,reallynice.Alineofchairscurvesalongtwowalls.Her
logo,ablackandredgavel,isimprintedonalargearearugthatrunsfromthedoortothefrontdesk.The
artisforgettableofficeart.

It’saniceplacetowaitforKennedytokickmyass.
“Why?”Gabrielasks.“Youliedforme,andIwanttoknowwhy.”
He'snotmyfirstinnocentclient.Idon'tsomehowseemyselfinhim.WhenIwashisage,Ihadtwo

friendswhohadmyback.Iwasheadeddownthefast-tracktoalawdegree—exactlywhatwasexpected
ofme.

Andthiskid...AsfarasIknowhisfatherisn'thardhearted.GabrielalsohasPrestoninhiscorner.

Hisfamilyisblood,notpeoplehechose.We'renothingalike.

Istepintohisface.“BecausemyclientwasdumbenoughtogoonInstagramandmakeajokewhen

he'sbeinginvestigatedformurder.Ishouldhaveletthemthrowyoubackincounty.Doyoutakethisfora
joke?Yourfriendisdeadandyoufinditallfunny?”

Gabrieldropshisgaze.“Iwasjust—”
“Idon'tneedexcuses.Whenwe'redonehere,we'redeletingeverything.Haveyoutalkedtoanyone

aboutyourcase?”

“I did like you said. I haven’t even talked to Uncle P about it. Trevor asks me and I change the

subject.Ithought—”

“Ithinkforyou.That’swhyyouruncleputmeonyourcase.”
“Whydidyoutakeit?”

“It’sabribe.IkeepyououtofprisonandIbecomeseniorpartner.”
Heglancesupatme.“Soyoudon’tcare?”
“IfIdidn’tlookatyouandseeapuppy,Iwouldhaveletthemtakeyoutocounty.Nowshutupand

lookgrateful.”

Heblinksatmelookingjustlikeakickedpuppy.
“Kennedycanseeyounow,”comesfrombehindme.
Iblankmyfaceandheadtoheroffice.Herdeskiscoveredwithboxesandanysparesurfacehas

bundlesofpaperskepttogetherwiththickrubberbands.Thewomanherselfissittingcross-leggedonthe
floorsituatingthebundlesinorderlypiles.

“SoamItobelieveyou'velostyourever-lovingmind?”Shedoesn'tlookuptoaskmethisbuther

voicevibrateswithanger.

Iclosethedoor.“Thankyou.”
Sheglancesupatthat.Thehardglintinhergazeknocksmebackastep.“Youusedmewhenyoulied

incourtforamurderer.Isthatwhatitmeanstobewit—”

“No.”
Shelooksatmyfacethenshakesherhead.“Idon’twanthimherearoundmeormyemployees.Istill

can’tbelieveIcoveredforhim.”

“Youcoveredforme.”Thelookshecutsmywaymakesmyinsidestighten.“He’snotadangerto

youoryouremployees.Youhavemyword.”

Herscoffcutsintome.“Thenhere'showthingsaregoingtogo.”Herfaceflushes.“Myrepisonthe

line.Ican'tsendhimtoclients.Ican'tsendhimtothecourthouseeither.He’llbeanemployeeonpaper.
And,you,DukeAlexander,aregoingtobepersonallyresponsibleforhiseverymoment.”

“Comeagain?”
“Sure.Letmesayitinsimplerterms.Youwilltakeshitstogether,eatmealstogether.Whenyou're

notatwork,hedoesn'tleaveyoursight.”

“Excuseme?”
“You dragged me into this and it's going to fall back on me if he jaywalks. Hell, gets convicted.

Givenhe'soneofyourclients,heprobablydidit.Heprobablykilledscoresofpeopleandthisisthefirst
timetheyhadenoughevidencetoarresthim.”Shepullsahandthroughherhair.“Doyouknowhowlong
ittookforthefirmsinthisareatotakemeseriously?Thentotrustme?It'snotgoingtocomecrashing
down because you always have to win, even if that means lying.” Her face darkens to a deep crimson.
“HaveBridgetwalkhimthroughthepaperworkandbackdateittoaweekago.”

SherefusestolookatmeagainasIcontinuetostandthere,andIcan'tgetmyfeettomove.“I’mnot

sayingyou’rewrongtodemandthis.”Idon’tgetwhyshe’ssopissed.Thisisafivekindofsituationand
she’sgivingmetwenty.

“Ifthat’showyoustartyourpreamblethenyouknowthat’sexactlywhatyou’resaying.”
She’saskingmetoshadowaclient,tocaremoreabouthimthanIwouldanyother.I’vealreadydone

thatbylyingonrecord.AnythingmoreandI—Idon’tknowwhatthatmeans.

“Kennedy,I...”
Andthenithitsme.ApparentlyIamwrappedupinmyownhubris.Rebeccawasstabbed,andasfar

asKennedyknows,I’vebroughtthegirl’smurdererintoherplaceofbusiness,herlife.I’vealreadymade
herlieonhisbehalf.IcantellherGabrieldidn’tdoit,butshelikelywon’tbelievemeuntilsheseesthe
boyforherself.

“Kennedy,youshouldmeetGabriel.”
Thatmakesherlookatmeagain.“Doesitmatter?”
Shelivesintheblackandwhite.Innocencemakesalltheallthedifference.“Foryou,yes.”
Idon’tknowwhatshereadsinmyface,buthershoulderslower.Shepushesasidepapersthensighs.

“Fine.Bringhimbackhere.”

Gabriel is once again sitting with his hands clasped together. I crook my finger at him and within

secondshe'sfollowingmebackdownthehallway.Kennedyisleaningagainstherdesk,armscrossed—
readyforbattleandtofaceamanliketheonewhokilledhermother.

“GabrielLancethisisKennedyMclane.Shesavedourassestoday.”
“Thankyou,ma'am.It'sverynicetomeetyou.”
Withoutthedouchebagbangs,helookshisageandpresentable.Sincepubertyisn'tdonewithhimhe

stilllookslikeakid.ThemomentKennedyseesthat,shedropsherarms.

“Dammit,Duke.”Apartofmerelaxesattheepithet.That'suntilsheturnsherattentiontome.“You

didn’tlietowin.”

Istilldon’tknowwhatthefuckhappenedwhenIglancedathiminthecourtroom.Iplaydirtyand

withoutremorse,butIplaywithintheconfinesoftherules.

Whatever.IdiditandallIwantisforKennedytokeeplookingatmewithwideeyeslikeIweara

capeinmyofftime.

“Kennedy,ishestillspendingeverywakinghourwithme?”
“What?”Gabrielsputters.
“I’mnegotiatingoneoftheconditionsshegaveme.Wearetobejoinedatthehip.Sodon'tbetoo

gratefultoherjustyet.Iworkaninsaneamountofhoursandyou'regoingtobemybitchifthat’swhatshe
needs.”

“What?”Gabrielsputters.
“Yeah.”IcandigupasmilebecausehisreactionwasminewhenKennedydroppedherconditions.

“She looks sweet, but she's a hardass. She won't hesitate to say I blackmailed her. I don’t think she
realizeswhereIplantogoandwhoIwanttospendtimewithafterhours.”IfocusonKennedy.“Ifhe's
attachedtomyhipthatmeanswecan't—”

Redismyfavoritecolorandthat’stheshadesheturns.“Duke!”
We’renotsupposedtotalkdirtyinfrontofthekid.That’ssocute.
I shrug and take in Gabriel. His head is whipping back and forth between myself and Kennedy. I

don'twanthimgettinganyideas.“Gobackoutandsitdown.Wait.Givemeyourphone.I'mnotsureIcan
trustyouanymore.I’llfinishnegotiatingthetermsofyouremployment.”

He grumbles on his way out. I wait until he closes the door behind him to accost Kennedy. Her

fingernailsdigintomyneck,theonlysignshe'spissed,buthermouthisparted,waitingforme.

Shebreaksforairaminutelater.“I'mstillmad.”
She’smadbecauseIbroughtsomeonesuspectedofmurderintoherenclave.Irepresentclientswho

arebadguys.

Whatdoesitcosthertogetinmybed,letmetouchher,kissher?
I’mstillnotreadyfortheanswertothatunaskedquestion.
Instead,Isay,“Ishestillspendingeverywakingmomentwithme?”
“No.Dammit.He’snotguilty.I’mgoingtoactuallyputhimtowork.Idon’t—”
“I’mcookingdinnertonight,”Iinterrupther.“Myplace.”
Hereyessparkle.“Isthisanapology?Ididn'tthinkyouknewwhatthatwaseither.”
Ipushagainstherchestandputmorespacebetweenus.“Idon'tknow.Myhousehasallthefuntoys.

You'lllikemytoys.Bethereateight.”

Sheleansagainstherdeskagain,shakingherhead.“HowdidyouknowIwouldsayyes?Youcould

havegottenintosomuchtroubleifIdidn’tbackyou.”

Thethoughthadcrossedmymind.“Ididn'tknow.”Ihoped.
“Thenwhydidyoudoit?”
WhydoIkeepbelievinginhopewhenallitdoesisdisappointme?HowdoIevenbegintoanswer

that? How do I explain something I’ve questioned for years? I just knew Kennedy would save my ass.
Sure, she’s a soft touch, but I trampled all over her single weakness. Most people lash out and put up
everydefensetheyhave.Shepushedpastittotrustme.

Why?
Idon’tknowsoIcanonlychoosemywordscarefullytoanswerherquestion.“Igaveyournameto

thecourtbecauseyouwerethemostlogicaloption.”

That'snotwhatshewantstohear,andwhensherollshereyesIknowmybullshitanswerhasfurther

pissedheroff.

“Doyouhonestlybelievetheworldwillendifyouhaveasoftspot?”
Thebetterquestioniswhenhaven’tIbeensuckerpunchedthemomentIletmyguarddown?Iwalk

overtoherofficedoorandopenit.“Seeyouateight.”

Istrollawayfromherknowinglaughter.ProBonoBoyiscountingcarpetthreadsorsomethingsince

I'vetakenhisphone.He'supthemomentIpasshimtothedoor.

“Didyoufilloutthepaperwork?”Iask.
“Yes. You were alone with her for a while.” The question comes three seconds later when he

scroungesupenoughcourage.“Issheyourgirlfriend?”

“It'scomplicated.AmIdroppingyouoffathomeorwithPreston?”
“Home.UnclePiscomingbylater.”Ittakeshimfivesecondstogainmorecourage.“Doesshelie

foryouoften?”

“No.”
“Sheseemsnice,”hesays.
Fromthewayhesaysit,Kennedyistoonicetobewithaguylikeme.“Andthatmeanswhat?”
“Somewomengoforthebadboytype,Iguess.”
“I'mnotfollowing,”Iliewithease,“andIdon'tthinkIcaretogetrelationshipadvicefromsomeone

whobarelyhasnuthairs.”

Hefacesmeandsmiles.“YoudothinkI'minnocent.You'dsayaccusedmurderer.”
“Youlooklikeacherubbaby.Suemeforthinkingyoudon'thavethegutstokillsomeone.”
Heshrugs.“I'mjustgoingtosayUnclePisclosetomebecausehedoesn'thavekids.Neverstayed

marriedlongenough.Workedtoomuchtomakethetime.You'realotlikehim.”

IlikedPrestonbecauseheremindedmeofmyfatherwithoutbeingmyfather.Hehadahumanityto

him while being a damn fine attorney. Apparently that still isn't enough. He was supposed to have a
womanheloved,afamilytodoteonandwhateverthefuckelse.

“You'retellingmethiswhy,ProBonoBoy?”
Heglancesup,notatallflinchingatthemoniker,hisAdam'sapplepokingout.“Imessedupwith

Rebecca.Shemadehintsabouttheformal,aboutprom.Shekissedmegradnight.Ijustkeptthinkinghigh
school sweethearts only happen in movies. By the time I realized I should have tried, she'd moved on.
Andnow...”

He'susinghiswinterformalandpromasanexampleofabiglifemoments.
“IalreadyreceivedtheadviceIshouldn'tfuckup.”
He shakes his head. “I'm asking what are you waiting for? What more do you need? You like her

enoughtokickmeoutoftheofficetodo...whatever.”

Ibuttonmycoatandstepintohispersonalspace.“Youknowwhat'sgoingtokeepmeupatnight?”
“What?”
“WhyIliedforyou.Yourwholelifehashadprotectivepadding.Ihaven'tmetyourfatheryet,butI

suspectheshoweduptoOpenHouseNightsandotherpointlessshit.Hegaveyouencouragement.When
hedidn'tstepup,youhadanuncletobringuptherear.Yourmom’slifehasbeencutshort.”Hesucksin
airlikeI’vehithim.“Yeah.Therearenopicturesofherinyourfather’shouse.Onlytakesoneguessto

know your mother died. It’s too painful to have her as a reminder. That sucks. No question. But you've
beenlovedbyeveryoneinyourlife.Don'teverthinkyoucangivemelifeadvice.”

IttakesthatmomenttogetwhyIdidwhatIdid.Gabriel'sworldissafe.Itmakessense.Onlybad

guysgotojail.He'slikeKennedy.Thatdumbassgoodguywantedtoprotecthisworldview.

I'mgoingsoftandit'sallherfuckingfault.Itstartedwhenshestoodinmydamndriveway.Ihaven’t

feltthesamesince.

Gabriel’seyeshasasheentothemwhenheasks,“So...youcareaboutme?”
IhittheunlockbuttononmySUV.“Shutupandgetinthecar.”

CHAPTEREIGHTEEN

“Yourmothercalled.”Gwentellsmethiswithoutbotheringtolookupfromhercomputer.
“DoIhaveanythingpressingatthemoment?”
“Nope.Youcancallherrightnow.”
She’slying.Irarelyhaveafreemoment,especiallywhenI’vehadtogotocourt.“Areyoujustgoing

toholdmycallshostageuntilIdo?”

“Yup.”
Ourrelationshipisn’twarmandfuzzybutshetakescareofme.“Remindmetorequestaraisefor

you.”

Shepushesherblondehairbackoverhershoulders,thegesturefilledwithpride.“Ihaveareminder

scheduledforthe30

.”

Givenit’sGwen,Idoubtshe’sjoking.Iclosemyofficedoor,settleinatmydeskforamomentthen

dialmymother’scell.

“Coreycametomewithhistailbetweenhislegsandapologized.”
“Goodtohear.”
“DoIwanttoknowwhatyousaidtohim?”
IconsiderallthewaysIcananswer.“Iaskednicely.”
Her laugh is sharp and bitter. “Your father asked nicely, too. Usually with some kind of blackmail

hangingoverthequestionmark.”

Myjawclenches.“Youaskedformyhelp.”
“Ididn’taskforyoutoblackmailhim.”
Shehadn’t.Irefusetolettheguiltnipatme.Iinhaleandforcemyselftoletherwordsgo.“Doyou

needanythingelse?”

“Duke...”Icanalmostseethewayshebringshergazeup,shakeherheadandforceherselftoletgo

ofmystubbornness.Myfamilyputsthefuckindysfunction.Thekissilentincaseanyoneisconfused.

Mymotherasks,“Areyourushingmeoffthephone?Haveplansagain?”
“AsamatteroffactIdo.It’smyturn,again,tocookforadate.”
“Yousoundhappy.WhencanImeether?”
“Never.”
Mymotherlaughs.“Fine.Tellmeabouther.”
“She’ssmart,kind,callsmeonmyshit,lovestocook,andprobablyhasgroupiesinvariouslegal

firmsbecauseshehasthebestsmile.”

“Youtoldmeeverythingbuthername.”
“KennedyMclane.Well-knowninmostlegalcirclessoyoumighthavemetherinpassing.”
“Hmm,”isallshesaystothat.“Areyoubeingnicetoher?”
Iflipmyhandupinexasperation.“Whydoyoukeepaskingmethat?”
“Because this is the first woman I’ve heard you talk about like this. Don’t scare her away. I’m

startingtowantgrandkidstospoil.”

Ithinkmynutsrecedeintomystomach.“Cartbeforethehorse.”
“Youshouldstartthinkingaboutthenextstep.”
Ipullthephoneawayfrommyeartoglareatit.I’mnothavingthisconversationwithmymother.

“Feedingheristhenextstep.”

“You’regoingtobefrustratingatthislineofquestioning,aren’tyou?”
“Wholeheartedly.”
Shelaughs.“Iloveyou,Duke.”

Madison Heather Alexander is as problematic as they come. She’s not perfect by any means. She

shouldhavefoundamantobeagoodfatherandhusband.Thewaymyfathertreatedmeassomethingto
tolerateshouldhavemadeherlovehimless.

ButIknowwhatloveis.I’dfeedmycousinhistongueforscrewingwithher.I’dforgiveherforall

thewayssheletmedown.

Itellher,“Loveyou,Mom.”
HergaspissofakeIlaugh.Shefollowsitupwith,“Yousaiditoutloud?”
“Happensonceadecade.Youshouldhaverecordeditwhileyouhadthechance.”
Thelinegoesquiet.“Don’tbescaredtosayit.”
Igetoffthephonewithherafterthat.WhatcouldIsayinresponse?Mygutlivessomewhereinmy

throatalmosteverydaybecauseIdon’tknowwhat’sgoingoninmylife.Ifinallyknowwhathappyfeels
like.

AndIknowsomethingisgoingtofuckitup.

CHAPTERNINETEEN

Kennedytakesabiteofthespinachandgoatcheese-stuffedmushrooms.Ilovethewayshelooksat

me after she consumes something I've made. She's tasted everything on her plate—roasted potatoes,
stuffedmushrooms,andbakedlobstertailsandherexpressionisthesameafterthefirstbite.Iamthesun.
Idictatethetrajectoryoffuckingplanets.

It'snotaboutworshipormyskillinthekitchen.Theemotionsplayingacrossherfaceopensaworld

ofpossibilities.IfI'mhungryforhappinessallIhavetodoisreachovertoherandpluckit.Dependingon
whatI'vefedherIcantastelust,angerorgiddiness.Ineverhavetodelveintomyself,andinsidemeisa
bottomlesspitofdarkness,jaggededgesandhungrymouths.

Ican’tfightthesmileatherreactionasshegoesforanotherbite.“WhenareyougoingtoadmitI'm

thebettercook?”

She’spoliteenoughtoswallowbeforesheasks,“Whotaughtyou?”
“Backtothis.”
Her cheeks glow as she digs out the last bit of meat from the lobster tails. “I need to know what

assholegaveyouthisasaweapon.”

My life is no more groundbreaking than anyone else's. “I spent time in the kitchen because it was

alwayswarm.Theturnoverwasprettyhigh,sotherewasn'tapersonwhomadeadifferenceinmylife
andthenIcouldbeasoftman,withunwaveringmorals.”

Hereyeswidenatthesmallconfessionyetshedoesn'tintrudewithplatitudes.Isitinthequietfora

momentlongerbeforeadding,“IlearnedcordonbleufromPiper.Shealsoguidedmyhandintamalesand
menudo. Stacy had an affection for stews and salads. Georgina had an unwavering belief that the best
ingredients were fresh. My parents rarely went into the kitchen. It was the safest place to hide in plain
sighttodowhatIwantedtodo.”Ilaugh.“Iknow.Poorme.Ilearnedaboutthepassionofcookingfrom
thehelp.”

“You...don'tseeitthatway?”
I shake my head. “I learned from people who actually make a living from what they do—

professionals. Someone who doesn't get it would say my mother was a professional hostess, but they
wouldn't understand making business men and women happy. She had the ability to make everyone
comfortable,nomatterhowtensethingscouldgetoverdinnerorlunchorwhatever.”

Shepushesthefoodaroundherplateandthenmeetsmygaze.“Iwouldhaveneverseenitthatway.”
“Howwouldyouseeit?”
“I would...” She shakes her head. “I learned how to cook along with my father.” She laughs at a

distantmemory.“Beforemymother...Myfathercouldburnboilingwater.After…”Sheclearsherthroat.
“Hegavethisspeechabouthowhecouldn’tteachmehowtowearmakeup,andsincehe’dbeenyoung
once,he’dwanttochokeanyoneIbroughthome.Togetherwe’dlearnhowtocook.Therewasnooneto
saveusfromburningdownthehouse.”

“Didhegetgoodatcooking?”
“God,no.Heremarriedachef.”
Her life is bittersweet. She’s managed to make it more sweet than not. “My mother believes in

caterers.Thereisnomealthatcan’tbedelivered.”

Shebrushesherhairoverhershoulderandbreaksmygaze.“Yourmother...”shewhispers.
“Yeah?”
Kennedydrawsherhandsintoherlap.“I'msupposedtotellyoueverything.Putallmydirtonthe

table?”

Myshoulderstenselikesomeonepunchedmeinthespine.“Yup.”
“Icametoyourfather'sfuneralforyouandImetyourmother.”

“Youmetmycousin.Ididn'tthinkaboutyoumeetingmymother.Youwould.”
Thewayhergazelatchesontomemywordsaresalvation.Ipusharoundfoodonmyplateandadd,

“Youdidmorethanmeether?”

“Ilikedher.We...”
Thewordshangintheairassilencefollowsherabandoneddeclaration.
I’mdoingmybestnottocastanyjudgmentuntilI’veheardthefullconfessionandallthedamning

evidence.Mystomachdoesn’twaittoknot.Ifallbackonmyexperience.

Aguiltymanthinkssilenceisacceptance.SoIsitinquietnon-judgment.
“We've become friends of sorts,” Kennedy pushes out in a rush. “I wanted to tell you, but that

seemed...Idon'tknow.Ididn'tcheckinonherbecauseofyou.Moretimepassedand...”

Seven months. For seven months Kennedy nurtured a friendship with my mother. I should have

realizedthatthemomentshetoldmeshecametomyfather'sfuneralandIdidn'tseehidenorhairofher.
Shehadtobesomewhereandwithsomeone.

AndKennedy...wouldbecomfortingsomeone.Howcouldshenot?
Whywouldn’tshejusttellme?
InalltheyearsI’vebeenacriminalattorney,therehasonlybeenonereasonforanyonetokeepthe

truthasecret—itmakesyoulookguilty.

Aclientliesaboutseeingthevictimthedaytheydiedbecauseadmittingthatmakesthemlooklike

theyhadalltheopportunityintheworldtokillthevictim.

Thatoneheatedargumentneverhappenedbecausethatgivesthemamotiveforkillingthem.
Their financial straits were not as bad as everyone said so why would they embezzle from their

company?

Kennedyspentsevenmonthsbeingmymother’sfriend.
Whatdoesshelookguiltyofdoing?
“Isee,”isallIsay,tryingtopullthefullpictureintofocus.
“Don't,”shepracticallypleads.“MadisonislikeafavoriteauntIseeoccasionally.Yourarelycome

upinaconversation.Meandher...it'snotaboutyou.”

Rarely.
Sevenmonthsis...Ithinkaboutthatnumber.Ithinkaboutthatnumberrealhardanddothemath.It’s

aboutthree-hundredthousandminutes.Rarelycouldmeananhourortwointheschemeofthings.Intwo
hoursKennedycouldhavemyentirelifestoryfrommymother’sperspective.

Theknotinmystomachtransformsintolead.IsthatwhyKennedysuddenlyhadaneedtobewith

me?Mymothertoldherchildhoodstoriesaboutmebeingwide-eyedandsweet.MymothertoldKennedy
aboutthemanIamnow.Amanwhowillletmymothercupmycheeksoshecangotosleepatnight.

Aninvisiblefisttightensaroundmyskull.KennedyneededthepiecesofmeIcutouttosleepinmy

bed.Sheneededthegoodguy.That’sworsethanlookingatmeandseeingtheInstitution.

Itrytobreathe,butallIcanthinkisthatitwasnevermeshewanted.
TheacheinmyjawistheonlywarningIneedtorelax.“Isthateverything?Allyoursecretsnow?”
Hercheeksflush.“Yes.”
Lies. Fucking lies. Every part of me I felt softening goes hard again. “You came to my father’s

funeraltosupportme?”

“Yes.”
“Iwasbeing...myselfsoyoudecidednottoapproachme.”
The non-good guy didn’t deserve comfort or sympathy. He could bear the loss of a man he called

father.Afatherwhonevershowedhimanounceofaffection.Ofcoursethatguywouldn’tneedawoman
whosmelledofflowersandcinnamon.Awomanwhomadehimacheforthreeyears.Iballmyhandsand
burymyfingernailsintomypalms.

“IfIremembercorrectly,youtoldoneofyourfather’soldcroniestotakehisheadoutofyourass.

AndthatwasafterhesaidI’msorryforyourloss.”

I believe I told that to Chancy. The man had spent years kissing up to my father for any chance to

becomeanamedpartner.Hehatedmyfather.Itrytorecallthatday.Ireallydo,butmostofitisafog.

WhendidItellChancytofuckoff?Attherepast.MymotherandIweregreetingguestsatthedoor.

AfterChancy,Iwalkedofftofindastiffdrink.“AfterIwalkedaway,youapproachedmymother?”

“It’snotlikethat.”Sheslamsherpalmagainstthetable.“StoptryingtomakeitseemlikeIwasa

vulture.”

Weren’tyou?“Iwalkedoffandyoucomfortedmymother?”
“You walked off and your mother stopped trying to hold it together for you. I did what you would

haveifyouweren’t...Itookcareofyourmother.”

“Andafterthatday?”
“Icheckedinonher.Igottoknowher.Youhavetoknowhowyourmotheris.”
She’s the warmth in the family. Knowing that, I don’t hold it against Kennedy for like recognizing

like.

Icanbepissedaboutthefactshetoldmenothingaboutit.Icanbefuckingfuriousshe’slying.For

almosthalfayearmymothernevertoldKennedyanythingthatmadeherchangehermindaboutrunning
fromme?I’msupposedtobelievethat?

Yeah,Icanbesicktomyfuckingstomachthathersuddenchangetowardmehasnothingtodowith

comingtotermswiththemanIam.Icanfeelstupidfornotseeingit.Howmanytimesdidmymothertell
metobenicetoKennedy?HowquietdidmymothergetwhenItoldher,happily,Iwantedtointroduce
themtoeachother?Orratherjokeaboutthefacttheyneverwould.IwastoobusyrevelinginhowIfeltto
seehowvulnerableI’dletmyselfbe.

HereIthoughtKennedyhadbeenlivinginmyblindspotforthreeyears.Ishouldhavefelttheheatof

her at my back for months. I should tell her to leave and process this new information. I should give
myselfmorethanamomenttolettherealitysettleonme.

Kennedy’s here for the good guy and there’s just me. And I’m not good enough. I’ve shed all the

bloodIcanandsheneedsonedropmore.

Ishouldlethergoknowingthattruthinmygut.
InsteadIfindmymouthopeningtosay,“Good.Areyouwellfed?Doyouwantanythingelse?”
FiveminutesagoIwouldhavefedherdessert,watchedhergazeandeatenwhippedcreamoffher

ass.ButIletcontrolgo.Iletmyselfgetcaughtupintheemotionsofbeingwithher.

ShereleasesabreathandIcanpracticallytasteherrelief.“No,Duke.I'mfedandhappy.”
Happy.Right.Happytoknoweverythingshecouldaboutmebeforestartingthegame.Ican'tbemad

aboutit.Wouldn'tIhavedonethesamehadIbeenintherightmind?Iwouldhavehunteddownherfather
and fawned over childhood photos to get all the details to know her weaknesses, to know almost
intimatelyherstrengths.Iwouldhaveknownfromtheget-goabouthermother.Thattruthwouldn’thave
stunnedmeandmademethink…

Iwouldn'tbesittingherefeelingsogoddamnstupid.Shedidn'tchange.Shedidn’tgetalittledarker

during our time apart. That's not why she's sitting here across from me. She thought I had changed. She
thoughtIwasthegoodguyIpretendtobe.

That'snotme.Thatwillneverbeme.
Ishouldshowherthedoor.Letherknowthingsbetweenuswon’tworkoutifshe’sexpectingPrince

Charming.Exceptthatmeansnevertouchingheragain.

AndIshouldatleastonemoretime.

CHAPTERTWENTY

Mymouthismorethaneagertosay,“AreyoureadytoseethetoysI'vepickedupforyou.”
“Toys?”
“You'realwaysplayingwithyournipples,Iwantedyoutohavesomethingtohelpyoualong.”
Shelaughs.“IalwaysthinkI'mreadyforyou,andyougoandprovemewrong.”
Iofferhermyhand.Shetakesitamomentlater.Ileadhertomybedroom.Itlooksthesame,butI

knowthere’sagreasespotonmycomforter.AftertonightI’mgoingtohavetogetridofit.

Andthescaronyourarm?
Youcannevergetridofthat.
Ipushthethoughtaway,guidehertomybed,andstandback.
“Takeoffyourdress.”
Shedropshergaze.“Iwantyoutotakeitoff.”ShebringsherstareupandIcan'thelpbutfeelit'san

actofbravery.“Iwanttofeelyourhandsonmyskinasyouundressme.”

The thing about control is that you have to accept your weaknesses. Name them. Avoid them like

yourlifedependsonit.She'smine.There'snobracingmyselffromherwords,herwants.Ilethersoft,
almosthesitantwordsrolloverme.Inotethewaymycockstandstoattentionknowing,rememberingthe
wayherskinfeelsunderneathmyfingertips.

ThenI'mnotknowing,I'mfeeling.HerdressisbarelyaslipofmaterialwhileIdrawitdownher

body. She's revealed in slow degrees. Kennedy is delicate and strong, marked with scars, freckles,
dimplesandstretchmarks—she'sreal.IletmymouthfollowmyhandsasIpushherontothemattress.

I refuse to let myself get lost, though. Once her black dress, bra and panties lay at my feet, I

concentrateonhernipples.Ineedthemerect,tightandsensitive.Shegrabsatmyshirtinsteadofmyhair.
I’mnotwildtoday.

She'sholdingontome,andthepartofmethathasnocontrollovesthewaymyshirttugsatmyskinas

sheusesitasananchor.

“Duke,I'vealwayslovedyourmouth.”
IcurlmytonguearoundonenipplethenthenextuntiltheyareboththickandIcanusemymouthto

pullthembecausetheyaresotaut.“Keepplayingwithyourtits,Kennedy.You'rebeautifulwhenyoudo.”

Herlaughislikedaggerstomenow.“Touchingmyselfmakesmebeautiful?”
Istepbackfromher,needingtheair,amomenttogocoldagain,butIcan'tseemtogetbacktothat

darkplacewhereIdon'tfeelanything.I'mpulsing.Icaninhaleanddrowninherscent.Ineedtobecold
forwhatIdonext.Shit,whatIsaynext.Ican’tforgetshe’sjustsomeoneelsewhowantsanotherdropof
blood.

“Doyouknowwhattrustlookslike?Youunrepentantwhenyoutouchyourself.You’renotscaredto

be,todowhatyouwantwhileyou’rewithme.Andyouareawomanwholikestohavehertitsplayed
with.Youtug,orpinchyournipplesandletmewatch.That'sbeautiful.”

Sheflushesfromhairlinetotoesatmywords.Mywordshavemadeherhappy.Iwaitfortheguiltto

digin,tomakeahome,andthere’sonlymypulsepoundinginmydick.

Andthesimmerofanger.
Kennedy’sonlyherebecauseshebelievesI’magoodman.ShetoldherselfIwaskindandsoft.She

wouldn’tbehere—she’snothereforme.

Takemeorleaveme.
Igaveherthischancetofuckmeoveragain.Ihavenoonetoblamebutmyself.
Thatmakesiteasytopullawayfromhertogotomynightstandnexttothebed.Eveneasiertopull

outtheclampsIboughtforherwhenIthoughtwewere...Theclampsareforbeginners.Idon'tplanto
keepthemonherlongbutanorgasmortwoshouldhookher.

Whydoyoucare?
I shake my head to brush off the question. I would like to say I go through the motions when I’m

betweenherlegsagain.Ihaveanendgoalandthedetailsofherdon’tmatter.

But…
The reason I’m in this fucked up situation is because I haven’t been able to forget the taste of

Kennedyinmymouth.Anypartofher.Thetipsofhernipplesaresweetandtart,andtheaddedrubber
andmetaloftheclipsjustmakesherthatmuchmoredelectable.Thewaysheballsherhandsinmyshirt
asflickmytongueoverthepebbledbuds...Istherenothingbetter?

Yeah. My fingers buried in her cunt. Her wet and pulling against my fingers as I stroke her to a

climax.

Ican’tputitintowords.Kennedy’slegsandarmswrappedaroundmewhileshemoansmynameis

everythingIthought—it’swinning,andnotinafuckedupway.

Kennedyisnotsweet,nice...incorruptible.She’ssmart,sexyandfuckingmanipulative.She’sbentme

intothismanwhoneedshertaste.Ishouldapplaudit.Ishouldrewardthefuckoutofhowshe’sturnedme
intoamanwhowouldcurlhisfingersuntilhefindsherg-spotthenclosehismouthoverherclit.

And,fuck,shehas.I’mgoingtoeatheruntilshecomestwotimes.I’mgoingtolovethewayherclit

swellsundermytongue.Thewayit’sstiffandsoft,pink.I’mgoingtoacheatthewayshegripsmyhair—
gelandall—whenIgoforathirdorgasm.

With my nose pressed against her mound and my tongue swirling around her clit, I glance up. Her

teeth have made a home in her bottom lip and her eyes are low, hooded. I reach up and tug the chain
connectedtothenippleclamps.Herareolasstretchanddarken,makingthetipssharppoints.Iloosenmy
holdthentugagain.Herbreathtangleswithasobashercomeslidesovermytongue.Igroanandburymy
faceinherfoldstogetitall.

My dick is hard. My body is on fire. On the inside I’m trying to be cold. So fucking cold. I know

whatcomesnext.Her,again.Me.Then…

No.Icangetpastthis.
Ilapatherlikeshe’sfeedingmeandtrytogetovertheliesthatarestilltwistinginsideme.I’vetold

worse. Though never to someone I cared about. I can learn to live with them, keep them locked in that
deadpartofme.

I swallow and take her in. It’s not enough. I meet her gaze again. Her hand feathers over her left

nipple.There’snowincebutit’sbeentoolong.SoIgivehertitsattentiontheydeserveasIfreethemfrom
theclamps.Iusemymouthtoeaseanypainordiscomfort.Shetremblesbeneathme.

“Duke,”fallsfromherlips.
Itastemyname.Ibarelytakeofftherestofmyclothes.ImakesureI’mwearingacondomwhenI

sinkdeepintoher.Wefuckeachotherslowwithgreedyhandsandmouths.Theonlyhardthingsinsight
arehernipples,herclitandmydick.I’msoftontheinside.ThatfuckinggooeycenterIdetest.Imurmur
shitthatIwouldn’tsaytoherotherwise.Thistimeisnothinglikethefirsttime.Iknowthiscouldbethe
lasttimeItouchher.

Whenherpussytugsaroundmycocklikeshe’stryingtomilkme,Istilltoletthesensationworkits

waydowntomyballs.IgrindintoherwhenIfeelthewashofwetnessonmygroin.

“Iwantyoutocome,”shemurmurs.
Withoutanyurgingsheclosesherhandonmythroatandsqueezes.ThatpermissionisallIneed.Her

fingernailsdigintomyskinandit’sfuckingheaven.IslamintoheruntilIhitoblivion.It’snotuntilshe
gripsmynapeandlaughsthatanywarmthdripsintome.Herlaughislikethefirsttime.Shecan’tbelieve
whatwejustdid.

Ibringmymouthtohers.Herlaughdiesaway,turningintoamoan.Islipmydickoutofherandtake

thekissdeeper.Idon’tstopuntilshebreakshermouthawaytobreathe.

Iwishshehadn’t.I’mstilltoonumb.I’mstilltoopissed.TooconvincedI’mright.Fuckingherwas

supposedtoremindmethatI’mhumanunderthismonsterskin.

FuckingherwhenI’mfeelingthiswayonlyprovesI’mnot.
Iclosemyeyesandinhale.She’smyweakness.
See.Progress.
Icanadmitthatwithoutcaveats.I’veignoredmyinstinctsforher,becauseofher.Itoldmyselfshe

understoodmyneedtobeanapexpredator.Thatneedthatmakesmewanttocrouchiswhyshewashere
withme.Ihadmyselfhalf-convincedIhadasoftunderbellyandthatIhadrolledovertoshowittoher
andthat’swhyshewashereforme.

Itwasn’t.
She’shereforthefuckinggoodguy.
Ipullback.Hergazeishazy,soft...vulnerable.
I keep pulling back until I’m off the bed. I keep putting space between us until I can tug off the

condomtotossitintothetoilet.Imovetothesinkandleanagainstit.Idon’tbothertomeetmygazeinthe
mirror.Idon’tthinkI’veeverlikedthemanlookingback.

“Duke?”
IbraceathervoiceandthenIrememberwhothefuckIam.Istrideintomybedroomandpickupher

clothes.IholdhergazewhenIdropthemonthebed.“Youshouldgetdressed.”

Herbrowsfurrowandshepullsthecomforteroverhernakedness.“What?”
“I’mtiredandIhavetoworktomorrow.”
RealizationofwhatI’mdoingcomestoherinslowdegrees.Iwatchasshepales.“Isthisyourway

ofprovingyou’remorallybankrupt?”

“Iwasneverthepersonwhoneededproof.ItoldyouwhoIam.”
“God,whatiswrongwithyou?”
Shedoesn’tbotherwithherbraorpanties,justslipsintoherdress,heractionsjerkyfromtheangerI

knowisboilinginsideher.Sheclimbsoutofthebedandpushesmebackwithbothhandsonmychest.
“AllbecauseIbecamefriendswithyourmother.Whatthefuck,Duke?”

That’swhatshereducesitto.“Idon’tgivefuckyoubecamefriendswithmymother.”
“No?Thenwhyareyoupissed?Whyareyoudoingthis?”
My shoulders bunch. “How many times did you lie to yourself that not telling me was okay? If it

wasn’tabigdealyouwouldhave.Sowhy?Whyfeelanyguilt?”

“MaybeIdidn’twantsolidproofyouwereanasshole.”
Itakethehitwitharollofmyshoulders.“Right.I’mtheassholewhileyou’vebeenlyingtome.”
“Lied?Ijustdidn’ttellyou.”
“Andthat’sbetter?Howdidyoureallyknowmymotherdidn’tteachmetocook?AndwhenIasked,

point blank, you said some fucked up thing about me being entitled. How many times did you do that?
HowmanytimeshaveyoujustnottoldmebecauseI’mtheasshole?”Ishakemyheadnotreallywanting
theanswer.“We’redone.IthinkIcanfinallyacceptthatnow.”

Shegasps,hereyeswide,hercheeksflushed.“Youfuckedmeknowingyouweregoingtodothis,

butyou’rethehurtparty?”

Andthatmakesmytemperflashhot.“Likeyoudid?Whatdidyousaytomewhenyouhadbarely

finishedswallowingmycome?Weneededtime.Iwasn’tgoodenoughforyousolet’swaituntilyou’rea
decentperson.Yougavemeawholefuckingspeechandmydickwasstillwetfromyourmouth.”

Shepalesagain.Istepforwardandmeethergazeheadfuckingon.“Yeah.Thiswholegoddamntime

Iwaswaitingforyoutocometomysideofthefence,andyou’vebeentherethewholetime.Youwantto
talkaboutmebeingmorallybankrupt,butwhatareyourexcuses?”Itakeanotherstepandleandownso
we’reeyetoeye.“Tellme.I’mdyingtohearhowyourationalizetoyingwithmewhenthemoodstrikes

you.”

“Wehadsexthefirsttimebecauseforonceinyourlife,thatnight,youwereDuke.Youweren’tan

Alexander.Youlaughedwithme.AndwhileIcouldstilltasteyou,youtoldmeyou’donlyscrewedme
becauseyouweredrunk.”

“What?”
“Howdidyouputit?Alcoholmakesyoudodumbshit?It’srealawesometohearhowtheonetime

you were brave and ignored all the warnings was just a stupid, drunk decision for someone else.” She
tiltsherchinup.“Somaybe...Ikeptmymouthshutaboutyourmotherbecausedidn’twanttohearhowI
musthavehadsomeulteriormotive.Orwhateverconvolutedreasonyouwouldcomeupwith,because
once again I caught you while your guard was down. I had hoped I was wrong, but you’re right about
hope.Thankyouforteachingmethatbut...fuckyou,Alexander,fordoingitinawaythatwascruel.”

Ihiss.ThatrightthereiswhyIwanthergone.ShefuckingknowshowmuchIhatebeingcalledthat.

I’venevertoldher,andyetsheknows.“Getout.”

“Why?Becauseyourealizedespiteeverythingyou’restillyourfather’sson?”
“Getthefuckout.”
“Iwillneverforgiveyou.”
“Areyousure?Mymothermighttellyouaboutthetimemyfathertaughtmechessforasummerand

you’llpityfuckmeagain.”

HerhandisupandIknowIdeservetheslap,butIcatchherwrist.She’strembling.Hereyesaredry,

butshe’sshaking.It’stheonlysignofhowmuchthisaffectsher.

Her eyes narrow. “Pity isn’t love, but you’re too heartless to know the difference.” My fingers

tighten at her words. “And, yes, your mother told me about the chess. She told me it was her happiest
memoryofthetwoofyou.Shetoldmeitthefirsttimewemet.It’swhyshecrumbledafteryouwalked
away.”

MyheartbeatpoundsandIcan’tsayafuckingthinginresponse.
“Letmego,”shespitsatme.
IdoandIstepawayfromher.Iwanttofeelthedepthofdisgustthatcrossesherface,butshe’sright.

Icutouteverythingbutloyaltyandambition.Idon’thaveaheart.

Idon’tblameherforleavingmethenandthere.Whatmoreneedstobesaid?IfIcan’tfacewhatI

aminthemirror,howcouldsheeverlookatme?

I’llbefinethough.Ihavework.She’smymistress,myonlytruelove.She’snevercondemnedmefor

beinghard-core.

CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE

“Getmethegoddamnfileorfindanotherattorneytoworkunder.”
Thisisthenewmenow.IyellatGweneveryfiveminutes.She’sstoppedflinchingwhenIdo.I’m

prettysureshe’splanningtomurdermeatsomepoint.I’velongsincestoppedtakinganycoffeeorfood
shemakesmebecauseIkindofdeservespit.

Iturnedintothismantwoweeksago.Yeah.Idon’tneedadegreetoknowwhy.
Tensecondslatershecomesintomyofficeandclosesthedoor.
“Duke.”Hervoice,herentiredemeanoriscalm,soothing.Iwanttofireher.Ihaveatleastoncea

daybutshekeepscomingintomyofficewhenIbuzzherontheintercom.“I’mstilllookingforthefile.
Theyshippeditovertocivilforatime.”

“Shit.Mightaswellconsideritdeadandgone.”
“Yes,butPatricethinksshehasacopyofitsomewhere.Ihaveherlookingforit.”
It’sreasonableandmorethanIhopedfor.“Youshouldhavemadecopies.Whatgoodareyou?”
“Doyouneedanythingelse?”
“Ionlyneedthedamnfile.IhaveameetingwiththeDAaboutthiscaseintwodays.”
Sheinhales,deeply,andIknowwhatshewantstosay.“Okay.I’mgoingtoorderlunchforus.How

doyoufeelaboutMexican?”

“I’mnothungry.”
“Youlookit.”
I’mtootiredtoworkmywayuptoadeathglare.“WhendoesGabrielgethere?”
“He’sstillwithPreston,buthe’llbedownsoon.”
I scrub at my eyes. Feels like someone rubbed sandpaper into my eyelids. “Did you send the

informationaboutTrevortoDerek?”

“Idid.Areyougoingtotellhimwhatyoufound?”
HimbeingGabriel.“Ifsomethingcomesofit.Callmewhenhecomesdown.”
“YoucantrytosleepandI’llwakeyouwhenhegetshere.”
Islamabookshutbecauseitfeelsgood.Also,becauseI’magoddamntoddlernow.“Stopmothering

me.”

“Whowill?Ifnotforme,theSecwouldhavecomeuphereandrippedyourballsoff.Yourefuseto

callyourmotherback.Andyou’vesentawayNateandTarekwhenthey’vecomeheretocheckonyou.
Allyouhaveisme.”

Pity.Thebittertangofitfillsmymouth.“You’refuckingfired.Getout.”
“You’dneedPreston’sapprovaltogetridofme,andthatgoesthroughSheilafirst.She’llmisplace

yourrequest.You’restuckwithme.”

“Fine.Iquit.”
“I’ll bring lunch when it gets here.” She leaves on that note and I have nothing but respect for my

battle-axofaparalegal.Iwouldhavepunchedmeinthenutstwoweeksago.

MypersonalcellbuzzesandeventhoughIknowit’seitherPainIntheAssFriend1orPainInthe

AssFriend2,Icheckthetext.It’sPITA2.

URmomcalled.
IpresssendandNateanswersonthefirstring.“Whatthehelldoyoumeanshecalledyou?”
“SheinvitedRobynandmetowhatshecallsafamilybrunch.”
“Familybrunch?”
“Yeah.Callher.She’sgettingunderhandedjusttoseeyou.”
Irestmyheadonmychairandswivelittolookattheview.“Whenisit?”
“Tomorrowafternoon.”

I’mlegitimatelyflummoxed.I’vebeenfriendswithNateandTarekforeons.They’vetaggedalong

withmewhenevermymotherhostedaneventandIdidn’twanttobeboredorcorralled.They’vecome
overonholidays,too,butshe’sneverinvitedthemoverwithoutatleasttellingme.“Whatthehell?”

“Ihaveafeelingwe’rewalkingintoatrap,butIcan’tsayno.Robynlovesyourmother.”
Myphonebuzzesagain,andit’sTarek.Isnort.“Yourotherfriendisbringingadate.Wait.”Ireadthe

nexttextandit’sprettymuchcallingmeadumbassaboutKennedy.Iignoreit.“Yeah.That’sallhesaid.”

“It’sTarek,that'snotallhesaid.Ishebringingthewomanfromthegym?”
“Nate,focus.”
“WellwecantalkaboutthatorhowyoufuckedupthingswithKennedy.”
“Yeah.It’sthewomanwiththesofthips.”
Helaughsatmeforbeingachickenshit.“Iwillseeyoutomorrow.Callyourmom.Ithinkshe’sbeing

ruthlessbecauseyou’vebeenignoringher.”

“Likely.”Thethingaboutmymother,though,isthatshe’sloyalandrarelyrockstheboat.It’show

shemanagedtoliveinmyfather’slifewithsuccess.Shesmiledoncue,laughedoncueandthrewoneof
hellofaparty.NoonenoticedshewasagoddamnsharkbutmyfatherandI.

I’vebeenignoringhercallsanddodginghervisits.Thisistheonlywaytogetmetoseeher.Ican’t

haveNateandTarekshowupwithoutme.That’sfuckedupevenforme.

AndthelikelyreasonisthatGwenhasbeentellingmymothereverythingI’mnotdoing—eatingand

sleepingbeingthetoptwo.I’vecomeintoworkeverydayandstayeduntilI’vewantedtodropwhereI
stood.

NoonebelievesmewhenItellthemI’mfine.MyworkisallIneed.Idon’tneedtocatchglimpses

ofKennedyintheoffice.NoonetookmeatmywordwhenItoldthemitwasokayshesentGabrielto
dealwithme.

Sincenoneofthatworked,IstoppedtalkingtoNateandTarek.IstartedfiringGwen.Iignoredmy

mother. The less I think about Kennedy the better I am. I can stay focused on important shit. I’m not
fuckingdwelling.

ButmymotherisruthlessandIneedtoprepmyselffortomorrow.
“Nate,workcalls.”
“Ibetitdoes.”
“You’rebeingthatguy.”
“Ifyoulistenedtomeyouwouldn’tbe—”
Ihangupthephoneandturnoffmycell.Ifocusonwork.

*****

Themaidletsmein,andIfindmymotherinfrontoftheentertainmentcenterinthelivingroom.My

steps slow when I see she’s wearing a floral print dress. The flowers are pink and orange. Since my
fatherdied, she’s onlyworn black orgray. She’s laughing atsomething Tarek hassaid. The sound isn’t
rustytoday.Myfriend’sarmhangsaroundthewomanwiththesofthips.She’slaughingtoo.

I’veneverhatedhappypeoplemoreinmylife.ItrytopretendlikeIdon’t.I’mgettinggoodatthat.

“Don’ttellmewe’regoingtobeforcedtowatchsportsallafternoon.”

Mymotherturnshersmilemywayandwinks.“He’saskingmeabouttheKentuckyDerby,andI’m

sureI’veDVR’dsomethinghecanwatch.”

I wince on my friend’s behalf. “You’re making me question our friendship, Tarek.” I close the

distanceandofferhisdatemyhand.“I’mDuke.Youare?”

“Manners,”mymotherchastises.
“Keisha.”Herdimplesgoinandherbrownskinglows.“I’veseenyouaroundthegymhaven’tI?”
“Alwaysagainstmywill.”
Shelaughsfromthegutandmeansit.She’spretty,too.IglareatTarekbecausehe’sgoingtodefile

herinsomewaythenmoveon.Buthe’llsaveherfirst.There’sthatIguess.“Where’sNateandRobyn?”

“Theywentforawalkaroundthegrounds.”
Ipinchthebridgeofmynosesincethatmeanstheyaresomewhereonthegroundstryingtoswallow

eachother’sfaces.“Whenisbrunch?”Iaskthattomymother.

“Twentyminutes.I’llbringoutsomedrinks.Whydon’tyoucomehelp.”
It’snotaquestion.Ishovemyhandsintomyjeanspocketsandfollowher.Thehouseisthesame,

and it’s exactly what one would imagine. Unnecessarily big. Also it’s clean, decorated with family
heirlooms,yetit’shome.It’swarm.Notasingleblackitemtobefound.Thedarkestshademightbenavy.
The kitchen is a spot of sunshine with yellow and sky blue. No cook is in sight, so I call her on that
bullshit.

“NowIknowyoudidn’tcookthesecrepes.”
“WhywouldIwhenIhaveaworkingphone?Caterersalsostillexist.”
Idon’tknowwhyithurtstolaugh,butIpullherintomeandhugher.“Idon’tfeelbadfornotcalling

you.Youshouldhavetoldme.”

“Toldyouwhat?”That’smymothertryingtosoundinnocent.
Ihughertighter.“Kennedy.”
Shebreakstheembraceonlytobrushherfingersovermybrow.“Didn’tItellyoutobenice?”
“Mom,thisisn’tpreschool.”
“I know that. I just think you missed some important lessons. Now go find Robyn and Nate. They

lookedalittlerandywhentheyliedabouttakingatourofthegrounds.I’mgoingtosetusupoutside.It’s
prettyout.”

WithmymarchingordersIleaveherbeandrelax.Thetrapwassetforhertoadmonishmewithmy

friendsreadilyonhand.Icanbreathenow.TakesmetenminutestofindNateonthesecondfloor.Robyn
hadtousetherestroom.Idon’taskwhyhedidn’tshowhertheonedownstairs.Ialsoignorethewaymy
friend’s hair and clothes looks ruffled. I’ve done what I’ve been told to do. Now I just have to suffer
throughthefood,thechatter.Everythingisfineandgravy(despitethefactIjustusedawordlikegravyto
describemyemotionallandscape)andnoIdon’twanttoheadbacktowork.Yes,Iwanttositoutinthe
sunwhileeveryonebutmymotherandIhassomeonetowhisperto,totouchthoughtlessly.

Everythingisfuckingfine.
Fiveminutesintobrunch,I’mreadytofindsomeexcusetoleave.I’vedonemydutybyshowingup.

Thenextminutelastsforever.Ineedwork.Ineedmydesk.IhavetoyellatGwenandletherignoreme.I
can’tdobrunchwithcouplesandmymother.

Iscrubmyhandsdownmyfaceandglanceatmymother.I’mgoingtomakeexcusestogoandshe’ll

lookatmewithdisappointment.I’lltakeitlikeIalwaysdo.

Exceptmymothersmiles.Notatme,atsomeoneovermyshouldernearthepatiodoors.Minutesix

andIknowwhymymothersetthiswholethingup.Family.Afamilybrunch.

Kennedystrutsinstilettosfromthebackdooroutontothepatio.Twoweeksofnotcatchingsightof

heratthefirmanditfeelslikeIdon’tknowheranymore.She’schoppedherhair.Thestrandsbrushalong
hershouldersnow.Theredisricher,deeper.She’sdressedfortheweatherinastraplessdress,thecolor
ofseafoamanddecoratedwithdarkbluepolkadots.

That alone should be a knife to the chest, but she smiles at my mother, not once looking in my

direction.

“Holyshit,”isallIhearfromTarek.Natemuttersaboutthesame.
“Youmadeit,”mymother,thegoddamntraitor,saysassherisesfromherseat.
Tarekwhisperssomethingtohisdateandtheyswitchseatssohe’sclosertome.Unfortunatelythisis

mymother.SheoffersKennedyherchairandgoestogetoneforherself.ThatleavesKennedyintheseat
rightacrossfromme.I’llfaceherfortherestofthebrunch.

RobynthrowsaglancetowardNateandhejustshakeshishead.Sheignoresthatsubtle‘don’tdoit.’

“I’mRobyn,”shesaystoKennedy.“It’sverynicetomeetyou...”

“Madison’sfriend,”Kennedyfillsinwithouthesitation.“YoucancallmeKennedy.You’remarried

toNate,right?”

“Yes.Wasittwomonthsago?”
Nateshakeshisheadagainlikehe’snotgoingtogetintothemiddleofthis.
AndTarek,thatmotherfucker...“It’sgoodtoseeyouagain,Kennedy.”
Nateputshishandoverhisface.Ibreathethenglareatmyfriend.Hesmilesbackatme.“Thisismy

friend,Keisha.Keisha,Kennedy.”

Keisha’slaughsoundsnervous.“Hi.It’snicetomeetyou...Ithink.”
Ipushoutofthechair.I’mnotdoingthis.Idon’tcareaboutmymother’sintentions.Idon’tcarethat

Kennedyisignoringmyexistence.I’mbitingmyarmofftogetoutofthistrap.

“DukeBransonAlexander,sitdown.”
Both Tarek and Nate let out a low whistle. I plant my ass back into the chair. My voice is barely

above whisper, “Did you know she was doing this?” I’m asking Kennedy but she’s still smiling at my
mother.

Idon’texist.Itshouldn’thurtsoIswallowanyotherquestionsIhave.
Mymothersighs.“I’ve—we’vebothhadaroughcoupleofmonthsafterlosingyourfather.Justonce

Iwantedusbothtobesurroundedbypeopleweloveandhavesupportedus.”Shegiveseveryoneatthe
tableabrightsmile.“Nowlet’seat.”

Ipassonallfoodhandedtome.AnyappetiteIcouldhavehadisgone.Thechatterbeginssoonafter.

Most of it between the women. Nate and Tarek are stuffing their faces, silent in their solidarity. I want
nothing to do with any of this. I’m counting down the clock to when I can stop being a decent son and
leave.

Anhourseemsreasonable.IcansurviveanhoursittingacrossfromKennedyasherscentreaches

acrossthetableandpunchesmeinthegoddamnnose.Icanhalf-heartedlyansweranyquestionmymother
throwsmyway.Icandothisforfifty-nineminutes.

Kennedy’sgazecatchesmine.There’snowarmth.There’snotahintoflust.WhenIkilledthegood

guy,Ikilledanyreasonforhertolookatmeinanyotherwaybutcontempt.Vindicationtastessourinmy
mouth.Iknewallalongshenevercaredforme.Shecaredforafigmentofherimagination.Shesleptwith
amanwhodoesn’texist.Lookedathimlikehecouldbeherworld.Ithoughtitwasforme.

Mylungsareinaviceasthattruthkeepspoundingintome.
MymotherclearsherthroatandKennedylooksaway.
“Duke,”mymothersays,“istherenothingyou’dliketoeat?”
Sheorderedcrepes,eggs,fruit,salmon,bagels,waffles—everythingonecouldconsumeforbrunch.

Nothing,noteventhecoffeetemptsme.

Ishakemyhead.“Notveryhungry.”
“That’sunfortunate,”Kennedymutters.“Didyoufilluponthebloodofvirginsforbreakfast?”
Thetablegoesquiet.Evenmymotherblinksafewtimesinsurprise.
HerresponseiswhyIdidn’tgointofamilylaw.“Thatmusthavedoneit.”HermouthtightensandI

can’tdothis.“Excusemeeveryone.”

Ihaveeveryintenttomakemyescapeandincurmymother’sdisappointmentfortherestofmylife.I

makeittothekitchenwhenhervoicehitsmelikelighting.

“Alexander,youstoprightthere.”
ThetemperI’vebeenswallowingdownwhipsout.“No.Idon’tbuyforonesecondthisholdhands

andcrybrunchhasanythingtodowithgrief.I’mnotgrieving,forone.WhatthisisisKennedycomingto
youandsobbingonyourshoulderandyou’retryingtofixus.Orshoveherinmyface.Idon’tcare.I’m

done.”

Mymothersplaysherhandonthecounterandholdsmystare.“Themostinfuriatingthingaboutyour

fatherwasthathehadtroubleshowingaffection.Verbalizingit.”

“What?”Iasktrulyconfused.
“In all the years we were married, I think he told me he loved me four times. When we became

engaged,”sheticksoffherfinger,“gotmarried,whenIhadyou,andwhenyougraduatedfromcollege.
Drovemecrazy.Wehadfightsaboutit.Hewouldalwaysreplywith‘whodoyouthinkIgetupforinthe
morning?’”

Iscrubahandovermyface.“Whyareyoutellingmethis?”
“You’reright.Thisbrunchisn’tformeatall.It’sforyou.I’mdealingwithmygrief.Iseemyfriends

often. I talk to your aunts and your grandma all the time. I go to social events. When I’m alone I cry
becauseI’mremindedhowmuchImissyourfather.Andyou...allyoudoiswork.That’snotdealingwith
anything.Evenifallyouhaveisanger,you’renotconfrontingit.”

Mymothercrieswhenshe’salone.Jesus.Iwanttoswallowmynextquestion,butIhavetoknow.

“ThenwhyisKennedyhere?”

MymotherwavesherhandlikeIjustaskedthedumbestquestion.“Becauseyouloveher.”
“I’mnotlisteningtothisshit.”
Sheraisesabrow.“DoyouthinkI’mblind?”
“Ithinkyou’rewrong.”
“Thenlookmeintheeyeswhenyousayit.LookmeintheeyeandtellmeIdon’tknowmyson.You

thinkIdon’tknowwhenyou’rehurting?Youcanlietoanyoneelseatthetablebutme.”

Ican’tcatchmybreath.“YourfavoritememoryisofmeandDadplayingchess.Youdon’t—”
“Knowthatyoupretendedtolose?Ifiguredthatoutafterthefirstweek.Youhatedlosinganything.

Youstilldo.”

Maybeshedoesknowmealittle.“Thenwhyisityourfavoritememory?”
“Becauseafterthesecondgameyourfatherknewyoucouldbeathim.Hekeptplayingtospendtime

with you. You were both so stubborn and loved a challenge but every day you guys would play that
pointlessgamethatboredthebothofyoujusttobearoundeachother.”Shebrushesherfingersovermy
browandI’mshaking.

Idon’tknowhowtoprocesswhatshesaid.She’snotdenyingmyfatherwasanasshole,thathewas

harshandcouldn’tshowoutrightaffectionifyoupaidhim.

I’vespentalltheseyearstryingnottobehim,andherethefuckIam.Ican’tfixmylipstosayit’s

likeapunchtotheguttoseeKennedy,eventhoughmymothercanseestraightthroughme.“Idon’t—”

“Your father didn’t ever get the hang of showing affection in a healthy way. You know how. You

refuseto.There’sadifference.”Shenodsatmelikewenowhaveanunderstanding.“You’regoingtogo
backoutsideandletthewomanyouloveglareatyouorignoreyouforatleasttwomorehours.It’swhat
sheneedsifshe’severgoingtoforgiveyou.”

“Idon’tloveher.”
Mymothersighs.“Weneedmoreorangejuice.Bringthatoutwhenyoustoplyingtoyourself.”
Sheleavesmewiththat.Thisiswhymyfatherincorporatedmymother’swishesintoAlexanderand

Associates.Sheissmart,mercilessandknowswheretohityouwhereithurts.Heneverhadachanceto
sayno.

What I’ve wanted from the beginning was for Kennedy to see the real me and want that man. She

didn’tandImadeherpay.Thatmakesmecruelandcruelmenaresociopaths.I’mnotone.Ihavetrouble
grapplingwith...feelings.There’sanotherdifference.

Iglanceattherefrigeratorthenmakemywayovertoit.Anotherpitcheroforangejuicesitsonthe

topshelf.Igrabitandgobackoutside.

Kennedy’schestrisesasshesucksinairthenshenarrowshergazeonmelikeshecouldwipemeoff

theplanetwithalook.

Itakeit.Itakethewaysheignoresmeforanhourafterthat.Isuckitupwhensheannouncesshehas

togoandgivesairkissestoRobyn,shitevenKeisha.NateandTarekgetpatsontheshoulder.Mymother
getsherlaughandsmiles.

Me,shewalksrightpast.
Itellmyselfitdoesn’tgutme.

CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO

“Dude,areyouokay?”
IsquintatGabriel.Hisbangsaregrowingback,andhe’srevertingtothatkidImet...howlonghasit

been?Idon’tknow.Ijustknowit’sbeenthreeweekssinceIlasttouchedKennedy.

“Comein.Sitdown.”
Theworrydoesn’tfadefromhisgazeashestrollstothechairacrossfrommydesk.Irealizethenmy

mistake.Ishouldn’tbethisfarfromhim.Iremedythatbymovingtothechairnexttohis.

“Duke,really,what’swrong?Youdon’t—youlooklikeyou’velostsomeweight.”
I’mprettysureIhave.Mysuitsdon’tfitright,butmyhealthisn’timportantatthemoment.“Ididn’t

callforyoutocomeintomyofficetoaskaboutme.”

“Kennedy told me she’s going to keep her word and let me work at her place as long as I want. I

mean...Ialreadykindofguessedyouguysbrokeup.”

I shift in the chair because I hadn’t thought about Kennedy doing that. “I never worried about her

goingbackonherword.”

“Thenwhydoyoulooklikeshit?”
“I’vebeenworking.I’mfine,”Isnapathim.
Ifbrowscouldappeardubious,Gabriel’sdoes.“Isthisbecausethataccountantcamebytogiveher

acheck?”

IknowIheardhimwrong.Itiltmyheadinhisdirection.“Whataccountant?”
“Bob...”Heshakehishead.“Colin.HejustlookslikeaBob.Yeah.Hetoldhersomethingaboutthe

payroll being off or something. He was lying. I could see that as soon as I saw the way he looked at
Kennedy.Therewasnoreasonhehadtodropoffhercheck.”

“Andwhatdidhedo?”
“Idon’tknow.Shetookhimintoherofficeandclosedthedoor.”
I breathe through my nose. Colin is a co-worker. I’d get fired if I go to accounting, pull him from

behindhisdeskandbeathim.AndthenImightservesomejailtime.UnlessIgetHarrisontorepresent
me.He’sjustasgoodasIam.

ItakeanotherbreathandremindmyselfwhoKennedyfucksisnoneofmybusinessanymore.
Ishakemyheadtogetmyheadbackinthegame.TalkingaboutKennedyisnotwhyIcalledGabriel

totheoffice.“Don’tsayanythingelseuntilI’mdone.”

“But—”
“Quiet.”Iwaitanothermomenttoseeifhe’lllisten.Hisjawflexesbutheremainssilent.“Ihavea

friendontheforce,andtheofficialwordwon’tcomeoutuntiltheendoftheday,buttheyaregoingto
makeanarrest.”

Hisfacedrainsofcolor.Iputupmyhandstoforestallthepanic.“Notyou.Mycontactletmeknow

thereisverystrongevidencethatTrevorkilledRebecca.”

Thecolorcomesfloodingbackinhischeeks.“WhatthehelldoyoumeanTrevor?”
“Asamatterofroutine,theyinvitedhimdowntoanswersomequestions.Hevolunteeredtogivehis

DNA.Theymatchedittosalivafoundonhermouth.”Isaythenextwithcare,“Andhergenitals.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Quiet.”Iwaituntilhecloseshismouthagain.“That’swhythey’remakingthearrestnow,butIwas

abletoprovidethemwithinformationaboutTrevor’spast.”

Herearsback.“Whywouldyoudothat?”
“You’remyclient.It’smyjobtostartbuildingacasetoseedreasonabledoubt.Twopeoplelivedin

yourapartment.Youandyourroommate.Ifshecameovertoseeyou,thenshelikelyhadcontactwithhim.
Manytimes.”

“Theybothweremyfriends.Ifsomething—”
“Trevor’s not a good guy. No matter what face he showed you for the year and half you lived

together,hewasn’tagoodguy.Heharassedformergirlfriendsbefore.”

“No.”HeshakeshisheadasthoughI’mtryingtofeedhimbullshit.
“Iletthepoliceknowthat,andtheydugintoherphonerecordsalittlemore.Hehadbeensending

herthreateningtextmessages.”

“Itcan'tbeTrevor.Theyweren'tevendating.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Gabriel, they were. She wanted to tell you. He told her that you'd

kickhimout.Theygotintoanargument.Shewentintoyourroomtowaitforyoutogethomeandhekilled
her.”

“Didhesaythis?Dotheyhavehimsayingthatontape?Iwanttohearit.”
This kid is breaking my fucking heart. I know how I'd react if someone told me Nate or Tarek

murderedsomeone.Iwoulddemandatimemachinetotakemetotheactualmomenttoseeifformyself.

ThispartofmyjobIhate.Ikeepcalmtobetheportinhisstorm.“Theyfoundhisclothesinatrash

can a few blocks away from the apartment. When they bring him in they'll lay out all the evidence.
Whetherornotheconfesses,Idon'tknow.”

Gabrielpushesoutofthechair.“Youthinkhedidit.”
I'vebeendoingthisfortoolongtothinkhe'sinnocent,butthat'snotwhatGabrielwantstohear.Ican

onlytellhimthetruth.Henodshisheadatmysilencebecausethat'sanswerenough.

Secondslaterhe’sbreathingshort,fast,choppythenhebendsovertoputhishandsonhisknees.His

fingersdigintohisjeansashetriestoslowhisbreathing.Istanduptoplaceahandonhisback.Iknow
what'scomingnext.

“I'msorry,Gabriel.”
EventhoughI’mbraced,thesobthatcomesoutofhimpiercesmedeep.Hedropstohisknees.Any

otherclientI'dleavehimtogrieve.ThereisnothingIcandoorsaytowipeawaythetruth.Thewomanhe
lovedwasmurderedbysomeonehetrusted.ButIplopontothefloorandpullhimintoahug.Hegrabs
holdofmyjacketandsobsharder.

AminutelaterthedooropenswithGwenstandinginthedoorway.Herfaceislinedwithworry.I

shakemyheadtoshooheraway.It'sgoingtobebadenoughwhenhepullshimselftogetherandhasto
walkbyherdeskwitharedfaceandswolleneyes.Movementcatchesthecornerofmyeye.

Kennedy.
Herfrecklesstandoutherfaceissopale,butshe'sholdingmygaze.Ishakemyheadather.Thelast

thingGabrielneedsisanaudience.Shemouthstomeareyousure?Inodagain.

GwenclosesthedoorandIstaydowntherewithGabriel.
Ihonestlydon'tknowhowlongittakesforhimtowringhimselfout.IonlyknowIfeelrawmyself

bytheendofit.Igrabholdtomyfixthings/dosomethinghat.

Istraightenmyself.Hewipesanytearsandsnotonhislong-sleevedshirt.Hedoesn’tquitemeetmy

eye.

That’sfine.“Twothings.”
Hisbrowsgoup.“Yeah.”Hisvoiceisarasp.
“Givemeyourphone.”
Ashortlaughfallsout.“Ideletedeverythingyoutoldmeto.”
“IfsomeonecallsyouIdon'twantyoutobetemptedtoanswer.”
Hisfacecreaseswithafrownandhelookssomucholderthantwenty.Yethegivesmehisphone.

“Whatelse?”

“Followme.”
Weleavemyoffice.Gwenisgonefortheday.IknowthisbecauseIknowher.

But Kennedy isn't. I don't see her, but I know she's here somewhere. I may have lied in court and

neededhertobackmeupbutshe—Kennedywouldn'tleaveuntilshecouldseeforherselfGabrielwould
beokay.

Idon'tcatchsightofherasItakeGabrieldowntothelibrary.It'sonthefirstfloor.IfIhadtopicka

roomtodiein,thisonewouldbeit.Therearewall-to-wallbooks,andbecausethisisLanceandChase
theyhaveawholeshelfreservedforhistory.Noonebutnewbiesgointothesectiontostareatthefirst
editioncopiesofBlack'sLaw,MatthewHale'sPleasoftheCrown,etc.etc.Noneofthetitleshaveever
gonemissing.Notwithoutsomeonegettingarrestedbeforetheywalkoutthedoors.

That'sonesection.Blandtablesfilluptheroomandinthecorner,sincethisistheonlyplacetofind

peaceandquiet,isachessboard.

Iknow.
Idon’thavethetoolstodealwithemotions.I’mnotlikeNateorTarekorevenmymother.Agameis

allIhavetohelpthiskid.

Igesturetotheboard.“Doyouknowhowtoplay?”
GabrielstopsandlooksatmelikeI'velostmydamnmind.IthinkIhave.“ImissedtheBobbyFisher

crazebyadecadeortwo.”

“It'sthis,orIdriveyouhomewhilegivingyoumyformofcomfort,whichistocallyouanidiotin

variousways.It’sthis,orIcallPrestontokeepyoucompany.He’lltalkaboutcourtcases.AndI'mpretty
sureIcanscareupKennedyforyouifallotheroptionsdon'tsoundappealing.She’lllikelymakeyoutalk
aboutyourfeelingswhilefeedingyou.Talkingaboutyourfeelingsbeingthepartthatmatters.”

Hemakesahomeintheseat.Icrackasmileandfollowsuit.IgivehimaquickrundownasIsetup

theboard.ThethingIlookforishiseyeslosingthatglassysheen.BythetimeItellhimhoweverypiece
couldmoveontheboard,thesheenhasdisappeared.

It’s the first time in a week where I’m not working or sleeping. There is no way I could make

comfortingmyclientwhileplayingchessfortwohoursbillable.I'lltaketheL.

Attheendofit,heglancesatmefrombeneaththebeginningofhisdouchebagbangs.“Thanks.”
“Whyareyouthankingme?Yousuckatthisgame.Maybeatsomepointyou'llshowpotential,butat

themomentI'dtellyoutosticktoyourcurrenthobbies.”

Gabriellaughs.“Youaresuchahardass.”Hisgazetracksovermyshouldertowardthedoor.Idon’t

havetoturntoseewhoislingeringattheentranceofthelibrary.Myscalphastightenedandeverysense
hasperkedup.

Helowershisvoice,“Icanputinagoodword.”
Aftereverything,hestillhasawide-eyedinnocence.
I didn’t break what me and Kennedy had. I scorched the earth between us. There’s nothing now.

“She'sheretomakesureyou'reokay.Lether.”Ithinkabouthermother.“She’sbeenthroughsomething
similar.Shecanhelp.”

“Andwhoisgoingtodothatforyou?”
Iglanceattheboard.“Checkmate.”Imanageasmilewhenhelaughs.Igivehimbackhisphonebut

stare long enough for him to understand that under no circumstance is he supposed to answer Trevor’s
call.Henods.

AndIhavenothingmoretogivehim.“Go.”
It'sstupidtowatchGabrielwalktoher.Ishouldputupthechessgame.Ishouldheadouttheside

entranceandgobacktomyoffice.Work,asalways,waitsforme.

OfcourseIdon't.
Iturninthechair,searchingforher.She'sleaningagainsttheentryway.Kennedylookscomfortable

enoughIcan'tsayhowlongshe'sbeenwatchingusplay.Iknowshe'sthinkingItaughthimchesswhenhe
wasathislowest—thesamegamemyfathertaughtme.Hegavemeambition,loyalty,andthelaw.And

chess.I’vetriednottobe,butIcan’thelpitifIamaproductofmyupbringing.

AndbecauseofthatI’msureshe'swonderingwhywouldIevencareaboutGabriel.
When I take a gander at the world I can only see the worst of it. Until Rebecca was murdered,

Gabrieldidn'tknowthatbittertaste.Iwantedtopreservethatforhim,still.She'sheretodothesameas
shedrapesherarmoverhisshoulder.

IcansayIlovethatabouther.
No. I inhale and exhale and line up all the evidence that’s been staring me in the face for three

weeks.Ihaven’tsleptmorethanafewhoursoftheday.EverytimeItrymyminddredgesupthelasttime
wehadsex.Rememberingthatisbadenough,butmymindlikestogointodetailofeverythingIsaidto
her.Thewayshedidn’tcrybuttrembled.Foodseemstoturnintodustinmymouth.Ican’tthinkabouther
without an ache strumming in my chest. Seeing her is worse. Might as well fucking twist a knife in my
chestifIcatchherscent.

Hermotherwasmurderedbutshestillseesthegoodinpeople.Evendickbagslikeme.It’sthething

Irespectthemostabouther.Thethoughtofherbeingwithsomeonemakesmehomicidal,butwhatright
doIhavetoherhappiness?Igaveitup.Itoldhertofuckoffandstillwhenmymotherinvitedherover,
sheshowedhersupporttoawomanwhobecameherfriend.Eventhoughshehatedthewoman’sson.

Whywouldn’tIloveherforallofthat?
Whowouldn’tgettoknowher,tasteher,andnotachewhenshe’sgone?
Thirtyfeetseparatesusandshe’sneverbeenfurtherfrommytouch.
That’sbeenmakingmehalf-crazyforweeks.Weeks.I’vebeenweakandvulnerablewithouther.It’s

pathetic.I’mpathetic.

ItakeanotherbreathandjustadmitIloveKennedy.Mygazegoesbacktoher.
MyworldtiltsalittleasshesmilesatGabriel.Yeah,asalways,she'sbeautiful.Hergoldeneyes,her

pinupfigureisn'twhymyheartistryingtofightitswayoutofmychest.

IloveKennedy,andIknowwhatloveis.I'mnotconfusedaboutwhatI'mfeeling.
AndIfuckeditup.

*****

I'mupbyfiveandattheLondon-Berggymbysix.Tarekdoesadoubletakewhenheseesme,and

thenhestareslikeI'mridingononeofthefourhorsemen'ssteed.

“Where'sNate?”Iask.
“Takingapissbeforehehitsthetreadmill.Whatdoyouneed?”
IsmilebecauseIknowtheexactreactionI’mabouttoget.“Emotionaladvice.”
“Oh,shit.”Tarekgrabsathischest.“Itistheendoftheworld.”
“I’minlovewithKennedy,andIfuckedup.”
Heblankshisfaceofanyemotion.“I’msurprised.Soshocked.Didn’tseethatcoming.”
“IlovehersomuchIwon’tpunchyourightnowforteasingmeaboutit.”
“Didbirdsandotherwoodlandcreaturesmakeyourbedthismorning?”
“SameonesI’mgoingtosendtokickyourass.”
“I’msureIcantakethem.”
“Can we get to the part of the conversation where you give me advice, or do you need five more

minutestoholdmeoverabarrel?”

“I reserve the right to come back to this later, but first thing first, apologize for everything you’ve

done.Imeanfromthemomentyoumetherandfuckedup.Second,gifts,butthingsonlyshewouldlove.
Third,apologizeagain.”

Natestrollsovertous,looksatmyfacethensays,“Iseeyoufinallyrealizedyouloveherandhow

muchyoufuckedup.Apologizefirst.”

“Tarekcoveredthat.Andgifts.”

Nate considers that for a moment. “The tough part is showing her you won’t ever hurt her again.

You’vegottode-assholeyourselfandemote.You’regoingtohavetoemotelikeamotherfucker.”

“That’sit?”
Nateraiseshisbrowsthenscoffs.“I’mgoingtocallmymamaandhaveherputyouontheprayerlist

atherchurch.Otherthanthat,isthereanythingelseyouneed?”

IglanceatTarekandmythroatthickens,tightens.MystomachflipsandIknowhowI’mfeelingisall

in my head. I can ask the next question without consequences. I haven’t let myself acknowledge
vulnerabilityinalongwhile.NevermatteredifIwasn’tstandinginacourtroomtryingtocurryfavorwith
ajuryorajudge.

Iswallowthequestion.“Allright.Imightneedafavorortwo.”
“Igotyou,”Tareksays.
“Anythingyouneed,”Natesays.
AndIcanbreathedeeplyagain.“WhileI’mhere,letmebitchaboutworkingout.”
NatesnortsandglancesatTarek.“Wecanraceonthetreadmill.Seewhogivesupfirst.”
“Nodeal,”Tareksays.“Ihaveaclientcomingin.”
“Keisha?”
Heshakeshishead.“That’sover.”
That’sinteresting.“DoIwanttoknow?”
Heshakeshishead.“Butcallmeifyougetstuck.Trynottofuckupagain,andbepatient.”
Hegivesonemorenodbeforeheadingtowardthemats.Amanabouthalfhissizeiswaitingforhim.

WithoutturningtoNate,Iask,“Whathappened?”

“Hehasn’ttoldmeeither.”
“Thatbad?”
“Thatbad.”
He pushes my shoulder. “Come on. The treadmill will clear your mind. You might even ask the

questionyouweretooscaredto.”

“Wasitthatobvious?”
“Youforget.I’mthatguy.”
Ilaughanddon’taskit.I’mnotsureifIwanttoknowifit’stoolate.Orworse,ifshecouldever

loveme.

CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE

Atfive,IsendatexttoGabriel.
D:I’mpickingyouup.
G:K’stakingme.
D:TellherweagreedthatIgetyouweekdaysafterhrs.
G:RUtryingtoseeher?
Iglareatmyphonethenglareoutmycarwindow.Yes,Ileftworkearlyforthis.Istilldon’tknow

allIhavetodotoprovetoKennedyI’mnotgoingtobeagoodguy,butI’mnotgoingtobecruelortreat
herlikeshitbecauseshemademe...feel...weak.Ihavetostartsomewherethough.

D:Yes.
G:K.
Igotoputmyphoneinmypocket,butitchirpswithanewtext.
G:Thx4yesterday.Ioweu.
IputmyphoneawaytodrivetoKennedy’sjob.WhenIgetablockawayfromherplace,Ihaveto

takeoffmysuitjacketbecausesweatleaksintomyarmpits.I’msureI’mgoingtopukewhenIpullinto
thedrivewayandseeherandGabrielstandingbyhercar.He’stalkingwithhishandswhileshefrownsat
him.Thenhesmiles,pointingtomycar.

It’snotuntilI’minthestallrightnexttohersthatIcanseetheproblem.Herfronttireiswellonits

way to a flat. I step out and spot the missing tire valve cap. Now I hate to be suspicious but a strong,
hollowedoutpencouldeasilyflattenatire.

IdirectmyquestiontoGabriel,“Youdon’tknowhowtochangeaflat?”
“Notevenmydadhaseverchangedone.HecallsTripleA.”
Kennedycrossesherarmsoverherchest.“Letmeguess,youdon’tknowhowtoeither,Duke?”
“Ido.”She’stalkingtome.Iknowthat’sastepintherightdirection.“Thequestionisdoyouhavea

spare?”

Sheroundshercartopopthetrunk.Gabrielglidesovertometotakemyhand.Idon’thavetolook

toknowthebitofplastiche’spushingintomypalmisatirecap.

“I’llwaitinyourcar,”hesays.
I should feel guilty for being a bad influence on a young adult but I appreciate the shit out of the

move.

“Itappears,”shesays,“aspareisallIhave.Nojackortireiron.Icouldhaveswornitwasallinthe

tirewell.”

Suchahorrible,terribleinfluence.“Ihavemine.”
“Youdon’thaveto.Ihaveinsurancetocoverit.”
“BythetimetheygetouthereIcouldbedone.”
Shecrossesherarms.“Iwouldpreferifyoudidn’t.”
IsaynothingtothatuntilIgeteverythingIneedoutofmywheelwell.Ieventakeoffmyworkshirt

so I’m only left in a tank top for the dirty work. She narrows her eyes at me. Since I know her, I can
practicallyheareveryargumentshe’sgoingtothrowmyway.

“I’mnotleavingyououtherewithaflattire.”
“Nowyoucareaboutme?”herlaughissharpandbitter.
I step in front of her, as always, I make sure we’re eye to eye. “I’ve always cared about you. I’m

startingtothinkI’veneverfeltanyotherway.”

“Don’t.”Shestepsawayfromme.
IgripthejackandsaywhatIshouldhave.“I’msorryforeverythingIsaidtoyouthatnight.I’msorry

forhowItreatedyou.Youdidn’tdeserveanyofit.”

“IknowIdidn’t.”Shestuffsherhandsinherpockets.“JusthurryupsoIcangohome.”
IgettoworkbutI’mawareI’mnotgoingtohavelongtospeaktoher.GoodthingI’maproattaking

aninchandmakingitamile.“I’mtakingGabrieltomyhomeandfeedinghim.I’vebeenonhiscasefor
welloveramonth,andI’veyettomeethisfather.”

Atensesilencefollowsthenshesighs.“Hisfatherisatruckdriver.He’snothomealot.Whydidn’t

youknowthat?”

“NeitherheorPrestontalkabouthim,andIwasn’tgoingtopryifitwasn’tmybusiness.”
“Butclearlyyougrewaheartovernight?”
Mymouthliftsintoasmile.“No.”
“Thenwhyareyouteachinghimchess?”
“Ididn’tknowwhatelsetodo.I’mnotgoodatthis.”
“What?”
“NateandTarekknowme.We’vebeenthroughalotofshit.Theytrustmeandviceversa.Idon’t

havetotellthemwhatI’mthinkingorhowsomethinghitsme.Theyknow.Theyknowtheycancallmeon
anythingifIstepoutofline.”

“So?”
“I’veforgottenhowtonotbeanasshole.Gabrielis...Ilikethesnot-nosedbastard.”
Sheblinks,lookingshocked.“Whatisitabouthim?”
Mythroatclosesonceagain.Ifocusonthetireforaverylongminute.Hercarisfairlynewsothe

boltsloosenlikeI’mcuttingthroughwarmbutter.“Peoplelikehimdeservetobelievethereishopeout
thereintheworld.Thebadguysgotojail.Thegoodguyswin.”

“Andpeoplelikeyoucanchange.Ihatetobetheonetobreakittohim.”Shewalksoffafterthat,

backtowardheroffice.She’llbeback,butonlywhenI’mgone.

I didn’t believe showing her I was willing to step up would be easy. I didn’t think how much it

wouldstinguntilshedid—ifsheeverwould.

Ipressmyheadagainstthecarandtrytobreathe.Takesabitformetofindmyequilibrium.
I finish replacing her tire and put everything up as it should be. I make a mental note to buy her

replacementsforatireironandjack.NotellingwhereGabrielputthem,andhavingthemshowupinher
trunkmiraculouslywouldpointtheguiltyfingerrightathim.

Takesabouttenminutesinall.Notenoughtime.MorethanIcouldhavehopedfor.Islipintomycar

andtellGabrieltotextherthatI’llleavewhenIseeheroffsafelyinhercar.Twominuteslatershegets
intoherswithoutlookingatme.

Gabrielsighs.“Youreallymessedthatup.”
“Iknow.”
“Ikindoffeelbadforyou.”
“Don’t.Ididittomyself.”
“Idon’tknow.Youlookkindofpitiful.”
I laugh at the smartass. “I’m trying to like you, and this exchange is going to make me be your

mentor.”

“What’swrongwiththat?”
Gwenwouldtellhimtorunfastandhard.“Callinsicktomorrowandcometotheoffice.Bethereby

eight,andI’llshowyouwhy.”

“UnclePcouldn’tgetmeinterestedinbeinganattorney.”
“That’swhatyoukeepforgetting.I’mnothim.”
“Hemessedupallhisrelationshipstoo.”
Ouch.Ithink ofmyfather andallthe liestheyhad totell whenhedied. Hewaswho hewas.My

motherisconvincedhehadmomentsof...softness.I’mnotthereyet,andIdon’tknowifIeverwillbe.

Notthepoint.Myfatherdidn’thaveaNateorTarek.“Doeshehavefriendsorbusinessassociates?”

“Thelatter.”
“Thereyago.Ifyoushowuptomorrowandcansurvive...”
“And?”
Ishrug.“Youwon’tsurvive.There’snopointtodangleacarrot.”
“Iwill.”
Ilaugh,andIknowI’vegothim.He’salsonotlookingtoosadtoday.Iwanttokeepitthatway.“You

won’t.”

“Betme.”
Istartthecar.“ComeupwithsomethingIreallywantandwe’llhaveawager.”
“IcouldgetKennedytomeetyouforacoffee.”
“Nobet.”
“Why?”
“She’s not something I put a wager on. That’s the first rule in learning how to survive tomorrow.

Everythingandeveryoneisontheboard,butnoteverythingoreveryoneisagametobeplayed.Yougotta
havealine.”

“Thenwhydidyouhurther?”
He’sgottheabilitytoberuthless,I’llgivehimthat.Iglanceathim.Hisexpressionisearnest.Idon’t

thinkthat’shisage,buthim.

“Shesaidcheckmate,andIflippedthefuckout.NowI’vetakenthismetaphorasfaritcango.I’m

takingyoutomyhouseandI’mfeedingyou.ThenI’mgettingridofyoubecauseyou’reapaininmyass.”

“No,I’mnot.Youlikeme.”
Ido.Snot-nosedbastard.“Whatdoyouwanttoeat?”
Hesmilesandslouchesinthecar’sseat.“Pizza.”
“Jesus.I’mgoingtohavetoteachyouhowtobecivilized.”
“AmIagametobeplayed?”
“No,muchtomyirritation.Putonyourseatbelt.”
He’squietforamoment.“CanIatleasthopeKennedyforgivesyou?”
“Fuck.”He’skillingmeagain.“Yeah.Hopeisfine.”

*****

“Screwyou.Screwyourfamilywhotaughtyouthisisfunorwhateverthehelldrivesyou.I’mdone.

Idon’twanttodothisanymore.I’mleaving.”

ThesewordsaredirectedatmeasIstepofftheelevator,finallybackattheofficeafteralongdayin

court.It’sfourintheafternoon,andalreadyGabriel’scallingitquits.

WhatIknowisthatGabriel’seyeswerealightafterIquestionedaforty-year-oldmalecabdriver.

Hewitnessedadrugdealfromhiscarwhileonbreak.

Myclientfitthedescriptionandhadbeenaroundthecornerathisgirlfriend’shouse.He’dgoneto

thestoreintherightwindowoftime.Hehasarecordofpettycrimesdatingbackfiveyearsbutnothing
since.Asfarastheprosecutionisconcerned,hedidit.

Idoubtit,though.Notthepoint.Peopledothedumbestshit.It’snotfar-fetchedamanwithagood

job,astableandbuddingromanceandanicelifewouldbuydrugsinasketchyalley.Mywayinisthat
witnesstestimonyisshit.Yourbraintellsyoureyeswhattosee.That’swhatIshowedthejury.

AndGabriel.
Beneaththecomplaints,he’sbuzzingfromitall.He’sdeterminedtohateit,likemostpeoplehisage

whohavemadeaneverstance.

Isendofftheemailthenglanceinhisdirection.“I’vewonisthatwhatyou’resaying?You’releaving

beforemyworkdayisdone?”

Quietthenhesays,“That’snotwhatI’msaying.”
“Soundedlikeit.”
“I’mnotgoingtobeanattorney.”
Idropmyphoneintomypocket.“You’veneversaidwhy.”
“It’sboring.”
“Okay.”
“Nooffense.”
Istopbarrelingtowardmyofficeandturntohim.“DoIlookoffended?”
“Youstilllooklikeshit.”
Iaskedforthat.“Istillhavetomakeafewcalls,finalizesomepaperwork.Icanunderstandifyou

wanttogohome.”

“Whatkindofcalls?”
Idon’tsmile.Gloatingisunbecoming.Iswivelonmyheel,andthenmystepslowsonceIcatchsight

of Gwen. Kennedy’s leaning on her dolly, and from the way my paralegal is smiling, a juicy story is
unfolding.Yeah.There’stheimaginarytwo-by-fourhittingmerightinthechestwheneverIseeKennedy.
Yup.It’sworsewhenIgetcloseenoughtosmellhershampoo.

I’veapologized.Itwasn’tenough.NowIcanonlyofferhergiftsofthingsonlyshewouldlove.
“Gwen,Kennedy,”IsayastheonlywarningI’mthere.
Herknucklesturnashenfromhowhardshegraspsthedolly.“Ithoughtyouwereincourtuntilfive.”
“Afterafewroundsofcrosstheycalleditquitsearly.”
“Oh,youeitherbadgeredawitnessorsaidobjectionenoughtimesduringtheday,thejudgeneededa

break.”

Gabrielishelpfulenoughtosay,“Hehatestheprosecutor.”
RememberWesleytheThird?Yeah.He’stheprosecutor.
Kennedy’s mouth pulls into a smile. “Let me take one guess,” she says. “He called him Chiseled

Chinatleastoncetoday?”

“Yes,”Gabrielconfirmswithtoomuchlaughterinhistone.“Hereallyhatesthatguy.”
“He’saninstitution,”Isayinmydefense.“There’snothingabouthimthat’soriginalorgenuineor

special.He’sgoingtosucceedinlifejustbecausehewasborn.”

Kennedy’sgoldeneyesflashatme.“Andyouwon’t?”
There’stheacheagain.SheonlyseestheAlexandername.“I’dbelyingifIsaidsomethingsweren’t

handedtomeonaplatter.ButIhateeasywinsasamatterofcourse.Ichallengemyselfinmyfreetime.I
fightdirty,yes,butIalwaysfight.Itakethehardwaybecauseitalways,alwaysmeansmore.”

She swallows and I glance between my paralegal and Gabriel. They fell silent watching the

exchange.Theyarebothnosyashellandtakingnotes.“Kennedy,canIhaveaminute?Iwanttoshowyou
somethinginmyoffice.”

“No.”Shedoesn’thesitatetosay.
“WillyouatleaststandherefortwominuteswhileIgotomyofficeandgetyousomething?”
“One,”shecounters.
Ittakesmeforty-fivesecondswithalightjog.ThecaseI’mholdingisblack,velvetandthesizeof

myhandfromwristtofingertip.Iofferittoher.Shetakesitwithtrepidation.

“Idon’twantanyth—”isthestartofherprotestuntilsheopensthebox.
Insidelaysixpensdecoratedwithpolkadots—blueandwhite,redandwhite,blackandwhite,etc.

Each inscribed with her full name. There’s no way anyone could steal these on purpose, or even
thoughtlessly,withoutgettingcaughteventually.

Sherunsherfingersoverthepensandballsherfist.“Don’t.”Hervoiceshakesonthesingleword.
Kennedycouldbeaskingmeforamillionthings.Don’tgivehergifts.Don’tshowherI’mthinking

abouther.Don’texpectforgiveness.Don’tmakehereyesshimmerwithtears.

Idon’tknow.
I turn to go back to my office. “Come on, Gabriel. You still have calls and busy work to suffer

throughbeforeIletyougofortheday.”

“Duke,”Kennedysays.
Istopandturntoher.“Ireallyamsorryforbeingapieceofshittoyou.”
ShesnapsthecaseclosedandputsitonGwen’sdesk.Myparalegal’sgazeiswideassheeatsup

everytwitch.Hell,itfeelsliketheentirebullpenhasgonequietwatchingtheexchangeandmyinevitable
rejection.

“It’stooexpensiveofagift.Ican’ttakethem.”
Shescramblesawaywithoutanotherword.Silencedescendsaroundme,myparalegal,andGabriel.

Ilookbeyondthemandeveryoneseemstobecringingatwhatjusthappened.

Iclosemyeyesandleanagainstthedeskbecausethehithurt.Itdigsandeatsatme.There’snodepth

ofdenialIcanhideunder.

Iwouldhavelikelystoodtherefortherestofthedaytotryandfindmyequilibrium.Thephoneon

Gwen’sdeskringsandsnatchesmeoutoftheabyss.

Yeah.Ihavework.It’snotabalm.Ihavetodoitnonetheless.“I’llbeinmyofficetotakethatcall.”
“Okay,”shesayssoftly.
IinhaleandexhalethroughmynostrilsuntilIcannodtoacknowledgeherwords.“Justgivemea

fewminutes.”

“Duke,”shewhispers.
“Gwen,you’refiredifyousayanythingelse.”
“Yes,boss.”
Idragmyselfintomyoffice.IkeepuptheappearancethatIrecognizemylife,butit’sallfuckedup.I

don’tknowwhatitisanymore.It’sKennedy’sfaultandIcan’tbringmyselftohateherforit.

ButI’mgoingtofixit,everyinchofit.Ihaveto.

CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR

Myphonechirpingwakesmeupthenextmorning.Thealertsareoneontopoftheother.Itwistinmy

bedtochecktheclockonmynightstand,surprisedImanagedfourhoursofsleep.Irummageinmypants
thatIdidn’tevenbothertohangup.

It’sGabriel.
Idon’twant2tellUthis.
Colinrolledbyagain.
Shewentoff2havecoffeew/him.
Justcameback.Hehasherlikeagainstthecar.
Unotheway.
Myhandseizesaroundmyphone,becauseIsureasfuckknowtheway.
Shit.Shesawme,buthedefwentN4kiss.
Nbathroom.
ShesaysifIsendUanothertext,she’llfireme.
Dropbyafterwrk2tellUeverything.
I don’t know what a heart attack feels like but I think I’m having one. A three ton elephant has

poppedasquatonmychest.Mylefthandthat’sgrippingthephoneistinglingfromshouldertowrist.My
lungsbelievebreathingisoptionalandhavequit.

Kennedyismovingon.
Ican’tkillColinnow.Apparentlyhe’stheguywhomakesherhappy.Shewantstolivetherestof

herlifeinmatchingsweaters.Shewantstohavedinnerswhileheshowshercatsurgerypics.Thisiswhat
I’vedonebecauseIcouldn’ttellherhowexposedshemademefeel.I’msofuckedupI’vemadeColin
seemlikeaviablefuckingoption.

AndGabriel’sgoingtotellmeindetailafterwork.
He’sgoingtotellmehowKennedykissedColin.Probablybeamedatworkfortherestoftheday.

Sighedwhenshethoughtabouthim.

ThatwaitsformeatLanceandChase.
I’mnotthinkingwhenIdialtheoffice.I’monlysureI’mbreathingbecauseI’mnotdead.Ican’tfeel

anythingbesidesmyskulldoingitsbesttocaveinonitself.

Sheila’svoicesoundslikeit’sfightingitswaythroughthecottoninmyears.“PrestonLance’soffice,

Sheilaspeaking.”

“I’mcomingdownwithsomething.”
“Alexander?”
HowfuckedIam?Idon’tevenflinch.“Imightbeoutafewdays.”
“ThisisDukeAlexander?”sheasksagain,thedisbeliefringinginhervoice.
“Whoelsewoulditbe?”
Shegasps.“Didyourmotherdie?”
“No.Whyareyouasking?”
“Adeathofaparentistheonlyothertimeyou’vetakenadayoffofworkinsixyears.”
Howdoessheknowthat?Ishakemyhead.“Ican’tcomein.”
There’sapause.“DoyouwantmetocallGwen?”
“No.Ijustneedallmyworkpunted.Sheshouldknowwherealltheactiveandpertinentfilesare.

I’llhaveherbringthemtoyouorwhateveryouneed.I...can’tcomein.”

“Don’tworryaboutit.Areyousureyou’reokay?”
“I don’t know.” My left arm is still tingling and my chest, god, I can’t take in a deep breath. My

stomach has decided to join in by getting that weird weightless feeling like I’m about to empty it out. I

can’tgointoworklikethis.

She’smovingon.KissingColininparkinglots.She’sgoingtolookfantasticinsweaters.Howcould

shenot?She’dlookgoodinagrocerybag.

She wants absolutely nothing to do with me and my stupid engraved fucking polka dots pens. She

barelyacknowledgedmyapologyandwhyshouldshe?Ipushedheraway.Ifuckedherthentoldherto
leave.IfuckedherbecauseIcouldn’tnottouchheronelasttime.Whatheartlessassholedoesthat?

There’sabuzzinginmyear,andIrealizeShelia’sbeentalkingthisentiretime.
“Ihavetogo.”
“Okay,Duke.Takecareofyourself.”
It’s bad when Sheila is being nice. I blew her off and ignored her since the club incident. Yet she

feelssorryforme.

Icrawlbackundermycovers.Iforcemyselftoclosemyeyes.IfIstayawakeI’mgoingtopuke.My

gutsarechurningandatleastIwon’thavetosufferthroughthenauseabeforeithappens.

I’mnotsavedthatdignitybecausethirtyminuteslatermyphonerefusestostopringing.It’sGwen.I

answerbecauseIneedtogiveherinstructionsandatleastactlikeI’mstillagoddamnattorney.

“Whatthehellyoumeanyou’renotcomingintowork?”
Iflinch.“Doyouhaveanyquestionsonwhatyou’resupposedtodo?”
“Howlongareyougoingtobegone?”
Myclothesareonthefloor,andI’minbedateighto’clockinthemorning.Mymindrefusestothink

aboutanythingelsebutColin’slipsonKennedy’s.“Idon’tknow.”

“Sheilatoldmetopuntallyourcases.Isshelyingtome?Didyouscrewherovertooandshe’sjust

tryingtosabotageyou?”

“Spread my workload between Harrison, Paul and Naden. They are decent attorneys. They won’t

breakanythingIcan’tfix.”

“Duke...”
That’sallshesays,andthat’sallthatneedstobesaid.Igetoffthephonewithher.Ileaveitonin

casesheneedsanything,butIrolluntilmyfaceisburiedinapillow.

I’mnotgoingtoboreyouwiththedetails.Thisisprettymuchmylifeforthenexttwenty-fourhours.

*****

It’snoonthenextdaywhensomeonetriestoknockmydooroffitshinges.It’sGwen.Shehasfoodin

onehandandfilestuckedunderherotherarm.

Sheblinksatthesightofme.“What’swrongwithyourhair?”
“Ishoweredthismorning.”
“Andthenyoudidwhat?”
“Putonunderwearandsocks.”WhichiswhatIstillhadonwhenIansweredthedoor,yethergaze

hasnotmovedfrommyhead.

“Butyouhave—”
“I’maware.”
Shestandstheremarvelingatthesightofthecurlsonmyhead.“Youshouldwearthemincourt.You

looklikeapushover.”

Shelooksbehindmeandherstarewidens.“Youownawhitecouchinthetwenty-firstcentury?”
Ihavegottogetridofthatcouch.“Gwen,didyouwantsomething?”
“TheSecsentmeoncewordgotout.”
Ihadn’tthoughtofthat,andonascaleofonetotenofgivingashit,it’snegativetwenty.“Okay.”
“AndIwantedtokeepyouupdated.”
Ithinkaboutthat.“Idon’tcare.”
Sheslapsthefilesintomychestandmakesherwaytothecoffeetable.“IalsotalkedtoGabriel.He

camebyaroundfiveyesterday.Icouldhaverippedhisheadoff.”

Iglancedowntomyhallway.Mybedisthere,waitingforme.Mykneesaren’tstrongastheyshould

be.Idon’twanttohearwhatGabrielhadtosay.Idon’tcare.She’smovingonandI’mfuckinggutted.I
pinchthebridgeofmynoseandremindmyselftobreathe.

“Okay,”hervoiceissofter.“I’mnotgoingtorepeatwhathesaid.Ijustwantyoutoknowthatyou

shouldgetyourheadoutofyourass.Eatsomething.Workonsomething.Everything’sgoingtobeallright.
Comeon.Comesit.”

Iletherleadmetothecouch.“Gwen,youshouldgo.”
“IwillafterImakesureyoueat.”Shetakesthefilesbackoutofmyhandandplacesthemnexttothe

bagoffood.“IknowyoulikeReis’ssandwichessoIpickedupasubandsomechips.”

“Whyareyouhere?”
“Because I’ve been working for you for a little over two years and you’ve never flaked on me

before.”

“Ididn’tflake.I’mill.”
“Your heart’s broken. Stop being a drama queen. And it’s your own fault.” She unwraps the

sandwichandshovesitintomyhand.“Eat.”

Itakeinmyparalegal.ThisisthefaceshehaswhenIgiveherapeptalkbeforeclosingarguments.

It’sherbattle-axface.IfIdon’teat,shemightshovethesandwichdownmythroat.

It’sinmybestinteresttotakeabite.Shevisiblyrelaxesafterthethirdone.“Canyouleavenow?”I

askher.

“You need to man up and make a plan. I’m sure you asked Nate and Tarek and they gave you

serviceableadvicefornormalmen.”

Imanagetolaugh.“Youdon’tknowmyfriends.”
“Areyourfriendsasbadasyou?”
There’snowayIcananswerthat.“Whatdoyousuggest?”
“Putonsomeclothes.Iwouldevenconsidershaving.DrivetoKennedy’shouse.Waitforher.When

shegetshometellhereverythingthat’sbeenrunninginyourheadsinceyesterdaymorning.”

“Tellhereverything?Eventhestuffabout—”
“Do not tell her how many times you thought about ending Colin’s existence. That’s not good or

healthy,andshealreadythinksyouhavemobties.”

ThatmeansGwenandKennedyhavetalkedaboutme.She’snotrevealinganyconfidencesandthat

speakstoherloyalty.She’smakingmeeat,soIknowatleastsomeofthatisforme.

Iforcemyselftoask,“Whatifit’snotenough?”
“Iknowthekindofmanyouareandthat’swhatItoldKennedywhenshecamebythismorning.”
“Iwishyouhadn’t.She’s—”
“Loyal as hell. It’s the one thing you guys have in common. She’s also not stupid. Colin is boring.

Obsessedwithhiscats.HehasathingforKennedy.That’saonewaystreet.”

Theelephantgetsoffmychest.“She’snotmovingonwithhim?”
“Hekissedher.Sherebuffedhim.GabrielhasabigmouthandIcouldhavechokedhim.Youarenot

intherightspacetogethitwiththat.Youneededatleastanotherweek.Goddamnamateurs.”

Iliftmybrow.“Amateurs?”
Sheblinks.“What?”
Inarrowmygazeonher.Iputthesandwichdown.“Haveyoubeenmeddling?”
“No.”ShetakesthesandwichandbreaksitinhalfthengivesmethepartI’vealreadychewed.“You

meddle.Idoparalegalstuff.”

She takes a bite of her half the sandwich and tries to look innocent, but she’s my paralegal. She

wouldn’thavesurvivedthislongwithoutlearningathingortwofromme.

“AndwhenIstayhomefromwork,whatdoyoudo?”
“Tellacertainpersonshe’sbrokenyoubeyondrepair.”
“Andwhywouldyoudothat?”
“IkeptthinkingbacktowhenyouwereblindsidedbyPreston.HethrewGabrielatyou.Youwere

right.Iknew.IletPrestongetthedroponyoubecauseIthoughtyoucouldtakeit.Youknowhowthegame
isplayed.You’reanAlexander.Byproxyyoucreatedalltherules.”

Iswallow.“So?”
“ButwhenyoucametomydeskIcouldseehowmuchIhurtyou.NotDukeAlexander,Esquire,but

Duke.Justbecauseyoudon’twearyourheartonyoursleevedoesn’tmeanyoudon’thaveone.IfeltlikeI
owedyouone.”

Ipickupthesandwich.“Youpaintedapictureofmebeingallpathetic.”
“YouopenedyourdoorinyourunderwearandyouhaveGerberbabyhair.”
Icrackasmile.“Istillfeellikeshit.”
“Ifshedoesn’ttakeyouback,you’regoingtofeelworse.I’lldomybesttobeagoodfriend,and

paralegal.Also,callGabriel.Ithinkhe’sworriedaboutyouandfeelingguilty.”

“WhendidIbecomeapersonwithamentee?”
“Itwasthebangs.Youhadtosavehimfromthem.He’stryingtogrowthemback.Justlookathis

hairwithadubiouseye.”

“Likeyou’relookingatmine?”
Shelaughs.“It’sabittraumatizingtorealizeyouaren’tahardass,youjustpretendreallywell.”
“Ipretendtobeabadguy?”Ilaughatthenotion.
“Eat your sandwich. Get dressed like a human being and stop pretending like you don’t love

Kennedy.Tellher.”Sheperksup.“Thinkofitasyourclosingarguments.Lineuptheevidence—youhave
threeyears’worth--punchholesintheotherside’sargument.”

“It’snotaboutwinning.”
“No. It’s not, but you’ve been going at this like a newb. If this was a court case you wouldn’t be

sittingherelookingdepressedashell.Nowfinishyoursandwich.Ihavetogetbacktowork.Mybossis
havinganervousbreakdown,sonowI’mworkingwithfiveattorneysandalloftheSecjusttocoverwhat
hedoesonadailybasis.”

“Five?Ionlysaid—”
“PrestonhadtostepinafterNadendefected.AndPreston’sbeenaseniorpartnersolongheforgot

whatit’slikebeinginthetrenches.Hecalledformorehelp.Youdoalotforthefirm.”

“Preston?”Hell.“Whatdidyougivehim?”
“Darren’sfollowup.”
Notabadchoice,butI’msurehe’llhaveplentytosayaboutmynotshowingupforworktwodaysin

arow.

Shepolishesoffherhalfthesandwich.“I’mleavingthosefileswithyou.ThisoneisGabriel’s.You

need to close it out and pass it on. You’re too close to him now to rep him, pro bono or not. They are
goingforwardonTrevorandwilllikelycallGabrielasawitness.”

Ifinishmysandwich.“Thanks,Gwen.SorryItriedtofireyou.”
“LikeIsaid,youcouldn’t.Ididn’ttakeitpersonally.”
“Takethesentimentandgetout.”
She beams at me. “You’re feeling better already.” To my surprise she kisses my cheek. “Get your

closingargumentstogether.She’llbehomearoundsix.”

Irestmyheadonthecouchaftersheleaves.Wordsareimportant,Iknowthat.I’mnotsureifcansay

them.WheretobegintotellKennedyhowmuchshe’smatteredtome?

It’shopeless,buthope’sabitch.She’sdiggingherclawsintomeanyway.

CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE

Alittleafterfive-thirtymorethanafewfamilieshavemadeithomewiththekidssothere’sabitof

chaosinKennedy’sapartmentcomplex.IflipthroughGravePerilasIwaitforher.Thewindshiftsthe
strandsofmyhair,andItrytolookharmlesstothemotherpushingherbabyinastroller.

Shestops,narrowshergaze,butI’msavedwhenIglancedownthecarlot.Kennedy’scarslowstoa

crawl.Istandup.Themomkeepsgoingdownthewalkway.TheslamofKennedy’sdoortellsmeexactly
howshefeelsseeingmeonherstoop.

Ipushupthesleevesofmylongteethenstuffmyhandsintothepocketofmyjeans.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”sheasks.
“Octoberseventeenth.”
“What?”
“That’s the first day I saw you at Lance and Chase. You were fighting with the coffee machine,

cursingatitandIhelpedyou.Iflirted,too.”

Shepressesahandtoherstomach.“Whatdoesthathavetodowithanything?”
Inoteshehasn’tmovedanycloser.Istandmyground.“Idon’tknowwhatelseIneedtodotoprove

I’mnotgoingtohurtyouagain.SoI’mlayingoutthefacts.”

“Idon’t—”
“Octobertwentieth,Igaveyoumyblueberrymuffinbecauseyouskippedbreakfast.Youmadecoffee

that time. The first week of November you stopped wearing your hair in a ponytail in the mornings. I
found excuses to get close to you so I could pick up the scent of cinnamon and lavender, because
sometimesyousmelllikecinnamonandlilacs.Iknowthedifferencebecauseitdrovemenuts.Iaskeda
florist.”

Herfaceflushes.“Don’t.”
“I didn’t catch it at the time, but while I was talking about Thanksgiving and Christmas you went

quiet.IwastalkingaboutmymomandNate’s.Youshouldhavetoldmetoshutthefuckup.Youdidn’t.
Youaskedmeaboutthembothindetail.”

“Thenamonthlaterwehadsex,”shesays.“WhenItriedtotellyouIwantedtogoslow,youtoldme

fuckingmeoncewasenough.Theonlyreasonithappenedinthefirstplacewasbecauseyouwereweak
anddrunk—”

“I thought we both were. I thought...” My throat tries to seize, and I can’t let it. Not this time.

Kennedy’stalkingtome,listening,Ican’twalkaway,orletherwalkaway,untilI’vesaideverythingI
shouldhave.“Ilaughedafterhavingsex,anditwasthefirsttimeI’veeverdonethat.Ilikedit.Itscared
theshitoutofme.IblamedliquorinsteadofacceptingthefactI’mdifferentwithyou.”

Sheballsherhand.“ButyoucrappedonitbecauseIbecamefriendswithyourmother.”
“Idid.”
“AndIlied.Idid.Thatdoesn’texcusehowyouhandledit.”
“Itdoesn’t.”Ipushmyshouldersback.“I’mnottryingtoexcuseit.”
“Thenwhat,Duke?Whyareyoutellingmethis?”
“BecauseyoushouldknowforthreeyearsIsawyouandIdidn’tknowhowtoaskyouonafucking

date.Mypalmsgotsweaty.Myheartraced.You’dlookatme,andIfeltlikeagoddamngod.Orapieceof
shit.”Iscrubahanddownmyfacebecauseshecan’tlookatmeasIsaythis.Ican’tcrumble.Ihaveto
keeptellinghereverythingshe’smademefeel.Shewon’tbelievemeotherwise.“Ifyoucoulddothatto
mewithalookoraword,whatwouldhappenifyouletmetouchyouagain?”

Herfacedoesn’tsoften.“Andyoumademepayforit.”
“Idid,whichmakesmeanidiotatbestandheartlessatworst.Ishouldhavejusttoldyoumydaycan

bemadeifyousmileatme.It’samiracleIcanputtwowordstogetherwhenyoutalktome.”

“Youdon’tactlikeit.”Shestompsovertomeandpushesmeinthechest.“Youhadthechancetosay

thistomewhenwearguedaboutCorey.Youwalked.”

“I walked because I spent three years hoping you’d notice me again. I hoped you’d see me, the

asshole,thehardassandlovemejustasIwas.Youwouldn’tputconditionsonhowyoufeltaboutme.I
have been scared shitless you’d hurt me like you did that night. You seeing my mother was just the
beginning.You’dleavemealloveragain.”

“Leaveyou?”
Ididn’tmeantosayit,butit’souttherenow.“Ithought...whenwehadsexthefirsttime,thatwasthe

beginning.Wewouldbetogether.IassumedyouunderstoodIdon’tfuckaroundatwork.Ilostmyhead
with you, and I didn’t even care. You saw the cold, and I thought you could see the rest. But then you
walkedaway,youleftmethereinmyofficealone.”

“Ihadeveryrighttowalkawaywhenyoushutdownonme.”
“Youdid.Stillhurtlikeabitch.”
Shepushesmeagain,thistimeit’snotashard.“Sowhatdoesanyofthatmean?”
“Ishouldhavejusttoldyou.”
“Toldmewhat?”
“Decembertwenty-thirdiswhenIfellinlovewithyou.Iloveyou,Kennedy.”Iglanceupandlaugh.

“I love a woman with two last names—one of them was a president. I love a woman who sprouts
freckles.Awomanwhobelievedinjusticesomuchshegotoutofthegametokeepthatfaithandstarted
her own business. A woman who takes in strays and cares for them. That woman is you and I can’t
functionwithoutyou.”

ShepushesmeagainandthenI’mbackedintothedoor.There’snowhereelseformetogo.
“Nowwhat?”sheyells.“Ifallintoyourarms?”
Ishakemyhead.“Iwantedtostopbeingachickenshit,hidingbehindmyfather—howhetreatedme

growingup.Iwantedtobe...DukeAlexanderforonce.He’sadick.He’safuckingsharkincourt.Buthe’d
tell the woman he loved how he felt about her.” I breathe in. “I’m probably going to need about five
bottlesofboozetogetthroughyourrejection,butIwantedyoutoknowIwaswrong.Youdeservehope.It
doesn’t always nut punch you. I was so wrong. Hope like a motherfucker. Every day. Believe in it,
becauseifyoudon’t,youcanfuckupsomethinggood.”

Ihavetowalkaway.IhavetodoitsoIdon’tthrowmyselfather.Idon’tneedtogojailtoo.
“DukeAlexander,”shesays,hervoiceawhisper.Shepushesherfistintomychest.“Whyareyou

tellingmethisnow?BecauseIwon’ttalktoyou?Youlost?”

“Iloveyou.”
“Don’tsaythat.”
“Iloveyou,Kennedy.”
Herfacetwists,reddens,andthenshe’scrying.“You’reanidiot.”
“Thedumbestpersononearth.”
Shepunchesmychest,notevenhardenoughtostingbutIlether.“Youhurtme.”
“Idid,andI’msofuckingsorry.”
“I’msomadatyou.”
“Punchmeharderifyouneedto.”
“Youmightlikeit.”
I can’t help it. I laugh. “I promise you can make me pay every time you remember. I’m not even

askingyoutoforgiveme.Deargod,justletmestandnexttoyou.”

KennedyrubsherfaceintomyshirtandI’msuresheleavesamessfromhermakeup.Idon’tcare.

She’sleaningintome,breathingmein.Shemutterssomethingintothecotton.Iliftherchinsowe’reeye
toeye.

“What?”
“Ineverhatedyou.Iwantedto.ItoldmyselfIshould.”
“But?”AndmyheartfeelsfunnyasIwaitforheranswer.
“Iwantthepens.TheywerecuteandIwouldcutanyonewhotriestotakethem.”
Ibrushmymouthoverherbrows.“I’msureGwenputthemupforyou.”
“IwanttoseeyouinatanktopfixingstuffformeevenwhenI’mpissedatyou.”
“Always.”Thepromiseiseasytomake.“Justdon’tleavemeagain.Idon’tknowifIcouldtakeit.”
Herlashesarespikyandwet,butsheholdsmystare.“Youalwayshurtmewhenmyguardisdown.”

Sherestsherhandonmyheart.“Idothesametoyou.We’reamess,Duke.”

“Thenbemymess.”
“AslongasIcanbeyours.”
Shekissesme,andIfigureI’vemademycase.Stillitwon’tbeenough.I’mgoingtotellherevery

dayhowmuchshemeanstome.I’mgoingtoemotelikeamutherfucker,becauseit’sokayshemakesmy
kneesalittleweak,mypalmssweatyandmyheartfeelfunny.

WedidthisshitthehardwayandI’mnevergoingtoletusbreakagain.
And,youknow,Kennedy’sstubborntoo.Idoubtshe’llletme.

EPILOGUE

TWOWEEKSLATER

I’m standing at my office window. It’s a decent view. Skyscrapers surround Lance and Chase, but

we’reatthetopofthepark.Acresofthecitytransformedintoacornucopiaofwalkways,flowersand
trees.Nojunglegymsforkidstoplay—it’snotthatkindofpark.It’smiddayandthesuncreepsoverthe
lowestbuilding.

Attheknockatmydoor,Ismile.“Comein.”
Ahuskyvoicewrapsaroundme.“YoubribedGwensoshewouldn’ttalktome?”
“Yup,”Ireplywithoutfeelinganounceofguilt.“Comehere.”
“Yougaveherahundredbucks.Duke,that’sjustplayingdirty.”
Idon’tturntoherjustyet.ThesunisrisingoverthebuildingsandIknowshe’sgoingtolookgoodin

frontthewindows.Shelooksgoodanywhere.

“ItooktheSecoutfordinnerlastnight.Drinkstoo.Ithinkmostofthemarestillhungover.”
She slips in front me, her arms crossed. The sun catches the chocolate strands in her hair and the

flecksofgoldinhereyes.“Ithinkthisistheverydefinitionofracketeering.”

I shake my head then place a kiss on her forehead. “No matter how much you fantasize about me

beingapartoftheIrishmafia,I’mjustanattorneywithabigsausage.”

Myheartmightskipwhenshesmilesatme.“NotevenGabrielwillspillthebeans,andI’vebeenat

himallmorning.”

Icuphercheeks.“Askme.”
Shedropsherarmsonlytoputthemaroundmymiddle.“Didyouordidyounotmakeseniorpartner

thismorning?”

Ikissherinsteadofanswering.Igettodoshitlikethatnow.Sheletsme.IamforevergratefulIget

totouchher,loveher.ButI’mstillme.Igivehertongueandfuckhermouthtomakehermoanandgrinda
littleintome.

Shepushesmebackaninchaminutelater.“Youdidn’tgetit,didyou?”
Ikeepmyfacefreeofanyemotion.“Prestoncalledmeuptohisoffice.Allthepartnerswerethere.

Hestartedtotalkandcomplainedaboutmyabsenceafewweeksback.HelistedallthethingsIsuckat—
bedsidemannerbeingthetop.Theotherpartnersjoinedin.”

“I’msosorry,Duke.”
Ishakeofftheapology.“AndIsatbackinthechair.IkeptthinkingthisiswhatIwanted.Tositin

frontofthepartners.ForthemtolookattheworkI’vedone,howloyalI’vebeen.Yeah.Fuckthemfor
complainingaboutanythingI’vedoneforthefirm.NowPrestontakesoveragain,andI’mthinkingofwhat
Ireallywantnow,morethananything.Thenitcametome.”

“Yourownfirm?”
Ismile.“Iwanttogetmarried.”
Kennedyblinks.“What?”
Ibrushmythumboverhercheekbones.“Idon’tjustloveyou,Iwanttospendtherestofmylifewith

you.I’vealwayschosenworkbecauseitwasdependable.Iwasgoodatit.It’swhatanAlexanderdoes.I
suckatbeingagoodguy.IhavetroubletellingyouhowIfeelatanygivenmoment.I’manasshole.I’m
willingtoworkatthat.Allofit.Iwanttodoallofitwithyou.”

“Duke...”
“Willyoumarryme?”
She takes a step back. “Is this because you didn’t make senior partner? I don’t want to be a

consolationprize.”

Ibreatheinslowly.“Youwillneverbethat.Haveneverbeenthat.Igotpartner.”
“What?”herfacebrightens.
“Prestonrambles,buthe’samanofhisword.Heoverruledtheotherpartnersandnamedme.Notthe

point.Iwanttomarryyou.”

“Oh.”
Idomybesttonotgiveherthedeathglare.“That’sit?”
Shelaughs.“DukeBransonAlexander—”
“Deargodnotthefullname.”
Hereyessparkle.“Iloveyou.”
It’smyturntoblink.“But...”
“IrealizedIhadn’tsaidit.We’vebeenbreathingeachother’sairfortwoweeksstraightandyou’ve

beensogoodtome.You’vebeenkind,thoughtful,loving.IguessI’vebeenscaredtosayitback.But...I
loveyou,Duke.Youwanttomarrymeevenwhenyouhadn’theardmesaythewords.”

SomethinginsidemeshiftsandallIknowisthatmyheartfeelsfunny.“Weren’tyoutheonewhosaid

actionsspeaklouderthanwords?”

“Yes,and—”
“Youforgaveme.Youhelpedpickoutanewcouchsinceyouhatedthewhiteone.”
“Mybuttstickstoitwhenwehavesex.”
“Youalsocheckinonmymother.”Ismile.“You’reannoyedIbribedeveryonesoonlyIcouldtell

youthenewsaboutthepartnership.Icouldgoon.Attheendoftheday,shit,aftertheendofthreeyearsI
know there is only one person on earth I want to spend the rest of my life with. It’s you, Kennedy. It’s
alwaysbeenyou.”

Sheblushesandhereyesgetmisty.“Iwillmarrytheshitoutofyou.”
Myheartthumpshard.“Willyou?”
“Yeah.”Sheliftstothetipofhertoesagainstmymouth.“Youmadepartner.”
“Idid.”
“I’mstupidhappyforyou.”
“You’remarryingme.I’mstupidhappy.”
Shegrins.“Gwenisgoingtoknowwe’rebothsoveryhappyassoonasIleaveyouroffice.”
“ThentheSec.”
“So...”sheglancesatmydesk.“Shouldwecelebrate?”
Ishakemyhead.“YoustillneedyoutoconcedeI’mthebettercook.”
“I’llcoverdessert.”
“AslongasIgettoeatitfirst.”
Sheblushesagain.“Fortherestofmylife,I’llsaythingsyoucanbeobsceneabout.”
“Promise?”
Shebrusheshermouthalongmine.“Promise.Weshouldstillcelebrate.Boththings.”
I consider that. My mother would throw me a party. Nate and Tarek would take me out clubbing.

WhatIwant...Ilookintohereyes.We’vecomefullcircle.

Ismilewhenthethoughthitsme.“Weshould.IknowexactlywhatIwant.”
“Champagne?Dinnerin?”
“Kennedy,”Ilowermyvoice,“putyourhandsonmydesk.”
Herbreathstuttersthenhergazeheats.“Likethat?”
“Pleaseputyourhandsonmydesk.”
“Sinceyousaidplease.”Shetugsmytiefree.“Forlater.”
Myheartbeatthudsslowlyatthepromise.Speedsupasshestrutsovertomydesk.Theonlywoman

intheworldIwouldeverconsiderfuckingatworkrestsherhandsflatonmydeskandbendsover.

DidIforgettomentionshe’swearingadress?Heels?
AndnowIknowshe’snotwearingpanties.
“YouknewIgotpartner,”Isay.
She looks at me, a smile creeping out. “And I knew how you’d want to celebrate. You get bossy

whenyou’rehappy.”Hergazegoessoft.“Ididn’texpectthemarriageproposal.”

“Yeah?” I stroll from the window to my desk. I reach past her to open the top drawer. “We know

eachothertoowell.IhadabackupplansinceIknoweveryonelovesyou,Kennedy.Someonewouldspill
thebeans.”

Iputthediamondringonthedesknexttoherhand.Ismileathersoftgasp.“YouletGabrielstepout

forcoffee.Hepickedthatupfrommymotherandbroughtitbyforme.It’smygrandmother’s.Shewas
incredible.Shelovedmygrandfatheruntilthedayshedied.Shetooknoneofhisshitthough.Hespentthe
restofhislifelovingherforthat.”

“Onyourmother’sside?”
“Yes.”
Shestraightens,herdressfallingbackdownherhips.
Iwhisperinherear,“Seeifitfitsyou.”
Kennedypicksuptheringandslidesitoverherfinger.Iballmyhandinherhairandliftherfaceto

mine.Sheinhales,likeshe’stryingtotakemein,likeshecan’tbelieveI’mkissingher.

Andshe’swearingmyring.
Shemurmursagainstmymouth,“Iloveyou,Duke.Probablydidthemomentyouthrewthatsmileof

yoursmyway.”

Ifit'snotclear,thismoment—ThisOne—iswhatittrulymeanstowin.Ihaveawomanwholoves

twisted-as-fuckmeandIloveher.

Iwon’tboreyouwiththedetailsbutwestayhappyforalong,longlifetime.

BIO

DakotaGrayistheauthoroftheFilthseries.She’salongtimeromancereaderandshe’snotashamed

tofangirloverheroeswithdirtymouths,dirtiermindsandasoftheart.

Gray writes the heroes you shouldn’t take home to mom, sassy heroines and sigh-worthy happily

everafters.

Youfindherwebsite

HERE.Youcan

herFacebook

pageorfollowerheron

TWITTER

Forupdatesorsneakpeeksonnewreleasesyoucansubscribeto

hernewsletter

Lastbutnotleast,ifyoulikedHARDCORE,youmightalsoenjoyPERV.

AUTHOR’SNOTE

Ifyou’rereadingthisyoueitherconsidermeahackbecausethisbookdidn’tliveuptoPERVoryou

can’twaitforthenextbook.Eitherway,thankyouforreading.Iamjustsomeweirdpersonwhotalksto
imaginarypeoplewithoutreaders.

Speakingof...PERVwaskindofafirestormIdidn’texpect.IheldafewmorefucksasIwrotethis

book,buttheimportantthingwasalwaysstayingtruetothecharacter.Thatwasthelesson.EverybookI
writeteachesmesomething.PERVtaughtmetobefearless.HARDCOREtaughtmecharacteristheonly
thingthatwillsaveyou.It’stheonlythingthatwillguideyouwhenyou’reinoveryourhead.

Andeverybookneedsallhandsondeck.
SoinnoparticularorderIwanttothankfolkswhohelpedmenavigateduringtheperfectstorm.
Jennifer Leeland, thank you for always letting me know I’m awesome even while I’m telling you

you’redelusionalandcompletelywrong.

Ames,Robin,andSasha...youcrazybunchkeepmehumbleandletmebepettywithoutjudgment.I

adoreyouall.

Bree,youletmeflailandIdon’tthinkyourealizehowoftenIdon’t.Thankyouforcreatingthatsafe

space.

Donna,Iwillforeverbeinyourdebtfortheplotbunny.
Incy,onceagainyouwerethevoiceofreason.
Lily,thankyouforlettingmeknowIhadn’tfuckedupcompletely.
Merryn,youareinvaluableasapeerandafangirl.Everyoneneedsapersonlikeyouintheirlife.
I am pretty sure I’m leaving some folks out, but really thank you everyone who were a part of the

firestorm.Ireallycan’tputintowordswhatitmeansasanauthortoberead.Mywordsdidn’tgetsucked
intotheether.(Geekalert.)IknewwhatitwasliketobeVincentfromDoctorWho,anartistwhoturned
theirpainintojoy.

Iwillforeverbegrateful.
Thankyou.

PERVEXCERPT

“You'reinbetweenjobs?”ThewomanscrunchesuphernoseandIcontinuetosmile.
The scar on my left cheek looks like a dimple when I do. The dimple makes me look sweet,

congenial. You can take me home to mama. I'll say “yes, ma'am,” and “no, sir.” In the bar's shitty, low
lights my sandy brown hair would gleam, rounding out good ol' Southern boy with charm and manners.
Neverfailstoamazemetheymisstheglintinmyeyes,butmybabybluesaredeceptive.

AndCaligirlsloveaccents,eveninbigcitieslikeHartsburg.
“Sugar,”Isay,“Iknowwhatyou'rethinking.Unemployedandthinkshisgoodlookscangethimfar.”
Hercocoabrownskinlooksperfectassheraisesabrow.“Yup.I'mthinkingyouprobablycan'teven

payformydrink.”

“Sugar.”IdropmytoneandputeverybitofGeorgiainthesingleword.Someancestorsrolloverin

theirgrave,butthisisthehoney.Icatchallmannerofbutterflieswithit.“Whatdoyouwanttodrink?It's
onme.Iwon'tevenmockyouifyougetsomethinggirly.”

“Oh,youwon't?”Shelaughsandwhateversheputinhercoilingcurlsglistensintheglowinglight.
She's pretty, and not just in a serviceable way. Her brown eyes may be doe-shaped, but there's

somethinginhergazethat'sholdingmyattention.Notsurprising.I'dcaughtsightofherwhenshe'dfirst
cameintotheclub.Herwalkwasn'ttimid.Closertoastrut,withlong,suresteps.Standingnexttoherand
leaning against the hardwood, I still have a few inches on her. That makes her short and sexy as shit.
Altogether,she's...interestingandIwanttotasteher.

Yes.Attractionisthatsimpleforme.WouldIlikehertositonmyface?Yes.Proceed.No?Pass.I

amnothingifnotasimpleman.

“Iswear,”Isay,“Iwillkeepbackanyuntowardremarksaboutyourfruitbeinginyourliquor.”
“Youmakealotofassumptions.”
“Thenwhatareyoudrinking?”
Sheleansagainstthebartopandmakeseyecontactwiththebartender.Sheputshertits—inthelow-

cutblackdressshe'swearing—onthebar.Tastefullydisplayedtits,sure,butstillcleavagefordays.

Now, this was my usual hangout. I often came with my friends, Duke and Tarek. They are buffers.

Lonemeninclubsaresuspiciouslooking.TheDJain'thalfbadanygivennighteither.

Butthat'sbesidethepoint.Thisismyusualhangout.I'dbeenwaitingfiveminutestogetnoticed.She

puts her tits on the bar like she's going into female-stealth mode for booze, holds Elton's gaze for five
secondsandthemandamnnearfloatsovertoher.Shesmiles,andthewayhereyescrinkleevenhasme
holdingmybreath.

Whatthefuck?
“I'llhaveamartini.”Sheedgesherbodyinmydirection.
Iknowit'sagoodsign,butI'mstillreelingfromthesubtlemovesshepulledonthebartender.Her

smilethough—itwasseductiveandshy.Allshehadneededwasalipbite,andatleastthreemeninthe
vicinitywouldhaveproposedmarriage.

InarrowmyeyesandrecalculatehowI'mgoingtotalkheroutofherpanties.She'sgoingtorequire

morethancharmandasmile.

Eltonfinallymanagestothrowsomeattentioninmydirection.He'smaybeinhisearlytwenties,hits

the gym enough he could probably moonlight as a bouncer for Fade. Blond hair, cautious brown eyes.
Normal.“Theusual?”heasks.

“Yeah.Scotch,rocks.”Theexchangeover,IgobacktocheckingoutStealthandHeels.
Herbrowsareup.IknowthatsheknowsthatIknowshe'sknockedmeoffbalance,butthisisthe

game.AtleastI'mawareshe'sonmylevel.Ipayforourdrinksandslideincloser.Mybodyisfacing
hers.I'mopen,andifshewantstoflirtwithherhandsshecan.

“Martini?”Iask.
“I like my fruit to stay fruit. Though I've never turned my nose up at a margarita. Salt, booze and

lemongoeswelltogether.”

“Buttonightyou'reano-olivegirl.”
“Andyou'reastraightscotchboy.”There'sanedgetohertoneIcan'tpinpoint,butherlipscurveinto

asmileagain.“NowI'msurethatmeanssomethingsymbolic,butwebothknowwhyyou'repractically
tryingtocrawlupmyskirt.”

Yeah.Iwanthertositonmyface.She'snotturningmeaway,yet,soIknowthere'sstillachance.
Outofthecornerofmyeye,Ispotherfriendssignalingtoherthewaywomendo.Isheokay?Want

ustogetridofhim?He'scute;youshouldfuckhim.Ihavealove/haterelationshipwithwomenfriends.
Theycanbemybestwingmanortheycanmakemyballswanttocrawlintomystomach.Theycanruina
perfectly good understanding. Depends. From a quick glance, I can see tonight her friends will be my
wingman.

Interesting,though.Shedoesn'tseemlikethetypetoneedfriendstobolsterherintomen'sbeds.She

hasabrazenconfidencethatshinesthrough,whichmakesmethinkshedoeswhatshedamnwellwantsto.

“Myintentionsarepure,Sugar.”
“Asdrivensnow?”
Ilaughatherwit.“Justabout.”
Shebringsthedrinkuptohermouth,takesthekindofsipwithaheadtiltthatmightmakeanother

man think about her throat and his cock in it, but I'm waiting for the challenge she's about to throw my
way.Theairaroundushasabiteoftensionthathasmyskintightonthebone.It'smakeorbreaktime.

Shefinishesthedisplayanddrawshertongueoverthemoistureleftbehindonherlip.Don'tgetme

wrong.It'sfuckingnice.There'sabuzzinthebackofmyheadnow,but...

Somemenareallabouttitsorass.Doesn'tmatteriftheyarecoveredinshirts—fuck,parkas—the

hintoftitsorass,canmaketheirdicksdoasalute.

Tonguesarenotmything.
Titsandassarenotmything.
I'm trying my fucking best to get to my thing, and she's about to tell me how. I can't get distracted.

Womentellyouexactlyhowtofuckthemand,ifyou'resmart,you'lldictateitwordforword.

“NathanEllis,right?”sheasks.
I blink, and all thought drops away for a moment. Did I tell her my name? I sure as shit can't

rememberhers,asalways.“Yeah,”Ianswer,abitwarynow.

“I'veheardaboutyou.”
That's...notagoodthing.Notinthetoneshe'susing.“Haveyou?”
“Formerarmyand,whenyouwereonleave,youstrippedonthelow.”
Myskingoesdeadcold.“NeverhaveIstrippedwhileIservedmycountry.”
It'safuckinglie.Ididandit'swhyIcanbebetweenjobs.IlivedwithinmymeansevenwhenIwas

pulling in ten grand a month. My government check paid all my bills, and I stuffed the rest in bank
accountsandsometimesmattresses.

Sheadds,“I'mnottryingtotripyouup.”
Maybe,butyouneverknow.“Andwhatdoesallthatmean?”
“Itmeans,I'mnotgoingtoletyoufuckmeanddropme,Sugar.”
Fuck.
Thisismyproblem.Womentalk.Ican'tguesswhoshemighthaveknown,anditwon'tmatter.Ifshe

knows my old work, she probably knows my every trick, because women fucking brag. Or whine.
DependsonwhatIdidtoendthings.

I'mnotalwaysasgentleasIlikedtobe.Someofmypast...lovers,forlackofabetterword,don'tget

thatit'soverwhenItalkslowlyanduseeuphemisms.ApparentlywhenIsaythingslike“Iwantyouto
comeonmytongue”thatisconsidereddirtytalk,notrelationshipgoals.

Whoknew?
Fine.Iknow,butthatisnotthepoint.I'mhonestandupfront.It'spartofmymoralcode.Idon'tfuck

withwomenwithlowself-esteemissues,becausemythingisnotforthefaintofheart.Ieatpussy.Some
sayIeatpussylikeagod.

Whydoeslickingpussygetmeoff,ofallthings?
Imagine ice cream. No, cake. Even bad cake is still cake. There can be strawberry, chocolate or

lemon filling. The core flavors can range from red velvet, vanilla, chocolate, or whatever you create.
Cakecanbemadeineverysizeandshape.Youtellyourselfyoushouldn'tindulge,butifthecakeisgood,
youdo.Yearafteryear,eventafterevent—there'sneverreallyabadorinappropriatemomenttoeatcake.

Pussyismycake.
Awoman'scomeisherownpersonal-flavoredicing.Ifyouwanttowishmeahappybirthday,place

acandlebetweenyourpussylips.Iwillfeelwarmedbythegestureandtouchedatyourthoughtfulness.

Youdidallthisforme?Aw.Shucks.
Itakeadrinkforfortitude.Thisprettywomanwithaninterestingwalkalready—this woman with

brown skin that seems to glow—is going to leave while I haven't had a taste of her yet. I've reached a
pointwhereIneedtoknow.

Thenthink,Nate.
“Well,Sugar,aren'tyoucuriousifyouheardthetruthaboutme?”
Her body is still angled in my direction. The cues are there. Her friends are still watching with

interest.Aquickscanoftheirfacesand,nope,noneI'veevertasted.

“Ifyoucanstriprealwell?”Hergazetravelsdownmytorso,mylegs,andI'mmeattoher.
I'vebeenthatbeforeanddon'tmindit.Iworkoutonceadayforafewhours.It'sallhabitforme

now.HasbeensinceIsigneduptodieforUncleSam.Youcantaketheboyoutofthemilitary,andhestill
mighthaveaneyetwitchandatrigger-happyfinger.

“Neverdidthat,”Isayagain.
“Youhavethebodyforit.BetyoucandothewholeMagicMikeroutine.”
I'vedoneitbefore,atwomonthtour,andthatiswhyIcouldownaFerrariifIwantedone.“Not

whatImeant,andyou'resmart.Iknowyouknowthat.”

Tongueonlipsagain,andagainmyscalptightensonmyskull.Myattractionhasnothingtodowith

her playing hard to get. Her mouth is full, a shade lighter than mocha and my primitive self finds her
appealing.

But,seriously,whatthefuck?
She'sshotmedown.Walkingawayisthenextstep.Orshouldbe.Iletmygazetrackovertheclubto

seeifanyoneelsecatchesmyeye.Thenightisyoung,andthemusichasn'tevenbeensettoear-bleedyet.

Noonelooksasinterestingasher.
Withasigh,IbringmyfullattentionbacktoStealthandHeels.“Sinceyouseemtoknoweverything

aboutme,tellmesomething.”

“Tellmemyname.”Sheraisesabrow.
Fuck.
Ipullahandthroughmyhairandfigureshitisgoingsouthanyway.Ileandownsomymouthisright

onherearlobe.“Stealth.”

Sheputsahandtomychestandlaughs.“What?”
“You put your tits on the counter to get the bartender's attention. That's stealthy so...Stealth and

Heels.”

“Andorin?”There'samusementinhertoneandshehasn'tpushedmeaway.

“And.”
“Soyou'readmittingyouhavenoideawhatmynameis?”
“Yup.”
Tomysurprisesheleansintome,leavingnoroombetweenus.Mycockperkstoattention.Herdress

isasecondskin.Icanpretendforamomentshe'sbareagainstme,andthoughI'mnotatitsman,hersare
fullandsoft—Iwanttolick,biteandsuckthemuntilhereyesrollback.

Shetiltsherheadandwe'recheektocheek.“Iknowwhatyouare,Nathan.Iknowwhatyouneed.”
She's speaking words, but all I can hear in her low, sultry tone is fuck me hard. And I'm an

accommodatingman.“Areyougoingtogiveittome?”

What?I'mnotgoingtosayno.Ortalkheroutofwhatevershe'splanningtodo.
“Youtorturewomen,youknowthat,right?”Thehuskinessinhervoiceisthebestfriction.
“Torture?”Iask.
“Mindblowinghead.Andthentheyhavetosomehowlivetherestoftheirlivescoldturkeyorwith

secondbest.Thatmakesyouanasshole.”

“NotmyfaultI'mgoodatwhatIdo.”
She shifts and her skin brushes my cheek again. “It is when you know damn well the woman is

lookingtosettledown.”

“Ineverlie.”
“Youneverturnawomanawayeither.”
“They'realladults.”Idon'tfuckwomenwhoneedhelp.Genuinehelp.Tellingherthatfeelstoomuch

likedefendingmylifechoices.I,also,don'tmakeawomanbelieveIcanloveher.That'scruel.

Shehuffs.“Youhaveeveryintentionofdestroyingherworld.”
Redflashesovermyvisionattheaccusation.“Andwhatareyougoingtodoaboutit,Sugar?”
Shelaughs—I'mnotsureifit'satme—andIfuckingfeelthesoundinmyeverybone.“Youwanta

tasteofme,Nathan?”

She'sneedlingme,andInipherearlobe.Shemoans,pressingahandtomychest,butnottopushme

away.AfterallthatwecirclebacktowhatIwantinthefirstplace.

Iaskher,“Wheredoyouwanttogo?”
Shegrabsmyhandandshiftscloserintomyspace.Myfingersbrushbetweensilkythighs,softinner

skin and then there's wet heat. I glance down, shocked and fucking ecstatic that Stealth and Heels is a
fuckingfreak.Inaroomfullofpeople,withherfriendstwentyfeetaway,she'sputmyhandupherskirt.
She'stakingtheleadandIdon'tmindthat.

Mycocklovesit.
SoIclosemyeyesassheguidesmyhandtomyfavoriteplaceonawoman.Isherclitthickandlong

orshortandpert?Fulllipsordoeseverythingsitouttogreetme?NotwopussiesarealikeandIloveit.
Liveforthatshit.Willshebechocolatebrownuntilthepinkbegins?Becausenomattertheflavor,every
womanispinkontheinside.IwanttoseewhatI'mfeeling.Sinceseeingisn'tanoption,I'lltakewhatI
canget.

AllIknowisthatshe'sswollenandwet.Hercreamhasaniceconsistency.Icanpracticallytasteher

saltytang.Shedoesn'tgaspwhenIcaresshertogetmyfill.

Secondspass,butthemomentseemstosuspendforeverbeforeshepushesmyhandaway.Istepback

tocheckforaflushthatmusthavedarkenedhercheeks.Nothing.Justassessingeyes.

Iliftmyhandtowavemyfingerbeneathmynose.Ican'tdescribehersmell,butshecansuffocateme

ifshewantsto.I'lldiehappy,andtheywillnotbeabletoclosemycasketonthepostmortemerection.It
willdefyscience.

AgroanspillsoutwhileIslipmyfingerbetweenmylipsasshewatches,asmilecurlinghermouth.

Tangyandsweetandfuckme.

“Youlike?”sheasks,nothingcoyinthequestion,justpreening.
Basedonhersmellandtaste,sheshouldpreen.“Ifyou'dletme,I'dsityouonthebarandmakeyou

squirt.”

“Justwithyourmouth?”
“Yes.”
Shestudiesmeagain,sizingmeup,andthenshescrunchesuphernose.“Pass.”
No.Really.Whatthefuck?Iclampmymouthshutbecauseit'sdroppedopenatherrejection.
“Butit'sbeeninteresting,Nathan.”
What.The.Fuck.
IgotosayhernameandtriponStealth.Iclosemyeyesandtightenmyjaw.Whentheurgetoshake

herpasses,Iglaredownather.Takesanothersecondformetoclap,slowly,'causeshe'splayedmewell,
andthere'sfuckallIcandoaboutit.She'shadhermomentandsheshouldshineinit.

I'llforgetherwhenIfindsomeoneelsemorewilling.Itwon'tbetonight.TonightallIwillbeableto

doistasteher.Noamountofscotchwillwashheroutofmymouth.

And, really, what the fuck? Someone—likely a pissed-off former lover—who knows me, my past,

andmyfetishsentStealthtofuckwithme.There'snootherreasonforStealthtowalkuptome,letmeget
myfill,andthenwalkaway.Thisisrevenge—servedwetandsweet.

“TellwhoeversentyouIfuckinghopetheygetfuckingcrabs.”
She laughs then picks up her drink. “Cute and funny. You had potential. Night, Nathan, and have a

nicelife.”

Irespecthermercenarytacticstoomuchtowishheralongwalkandashortcliff.
Butgivemetime.

BUYNOW

Document Outline

HARDCORE
BLURB
DEDICATION
PROLOGUE
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
EPILOGUE
BIO
AUTHOR’S NOTE
PERV EXCERPT

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