TheException

SandiLynn

The Exce ption

Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,distributed,ortransmittedinanyformorbyanymeans,including

photocopying,recording,orotherelectronicormechanicalmethodswithoutthepriorwrittenpermissionofthepublisher.

Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,placesandincidentsaretheproductsoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfactitiously.Any

resemblancetoactualevents,locales,orpersons,livingordead,isentirelycoincidental.

Photo&CoverDesignby:SaraEirew@SaraEirewPhotography

Models:MatWolf&SheinaLoubier

EditingbyB.Z.Hercules

BooksbySandiLynn

Ifyouhaven’talreadydoneso,pleasecheckoutmyotherbooks.Theyarefilledwithheartwarminglovestories,somewithmillionaires,

andsomewithjustregulareverydaypeoplewhofindlovewhentheyleastexpectit.

Millionaire s:

TheForeverSeries(ForeverBlack,ForeverYou,ForeverUs,BeingJulia,Collin,AForeverChristmas,AForeverFamily)

Love,Lust&AMillionaire(WyattBrothers,Book1)

Love,Lust&Liam(WyattBrothers,Book2)

HisProposedDeal

LieNextToMe(AMillionaire’sLove,Book1)

WhenILiewithYou(AMillionaire’sLove,Book2)

ALoveCalledSimon

ThenYouHappened

TheSeductionofAlexParker

SomethingAboutLorelei

OneNightInLondon

Se condChance Love :

RememberingYou

SheWritesLove

LoveInBetween(LoveSeries,Book1)

TheUpsideofLove(LoveSeries,Book2)

Sports:

Lightning

ChapterOne

Jillian

Icouldhearthesoftmusicplayastheguestsstartedtogatherinsidethechurchandtooktheirseats

inthewoodenpewsthatwerebeautifullydecoratedwithwhitesatinbowsandwhiteroses.Mymother

andmybridesmaidswereshufflingaround,makingsurethateverythingwastoperfection,including

me.

“Giorgio, darling. Come here and fix Jillian’s eye shadow,” my mother ordered as she snapped

herfingers.

“Ofcourse,ofcourse,”hespokeashecamerunningovertome.

“My eyeshadow is fine, Giorgio. Please step away from me before I lose my shit.” I casually

smiled.

His eyes widened as he set down his shadow palette and slowly walked away. I took in a deep

breathasIstaredatmyselfinthefull-lengthmirror,dressedinwhitefromheadtotoe,inawedding

dressthatIhated.Adressmymotherpickedout.ThisdayhadbeenplannedsinceIwasbornandI

shouldbehappy,right?Afterall,itwasmyweddingday.Thedayeverygirldreamedof.

ThegirlstaringbackatmewassomeoneIdidn’trecognize.Ididn’tknowher.Everyonewhohad

ever known me knew her. But to me, she was a stranger. As everyone was hustling and bustling

around,Islippedoutthesidedooroftheroomandmademywaydownthehall,whereIlookedout

intothechurchandsawGrantstandingatthealtarwithhisbestman,Paris.Iwasnumb.Completely

numbwithnofeelinginsideme.WhenIlookeddownatmyengagementring,ithadnomeaning.AsI

removeditfrommyfinger,Ilookedaroundandsawthesideexitdoorofthechurch.Thiswasmy

chance.Itwasnowornever.Islippedbackinsidethedressingroom.

“Thereyouare,darling.It’stimetolineup.Theceremonyisabouttobegin.”

“I’llbeoutinaminute,Mom.Ijustwanttobealoneforafewminutestocalmmynerves.”

“Now, Jillian dear, there’s nothing to be nervous about. You’ve waited your whole life for this

day.”

Iflashedhermyfakesmile.AsmilethatIhadperfectedovertheyears.

“Iknow.Ijustneedafewmoments.Okay?”

“Okay.We’llbeoutsidethedoor,waitingforyou.”

Assoonaseveryoneleft,Igrabbedmypurse,tookmyphoneout,anddialedacabtopickmeupat

Pier59.Afterdoingafactoryresetonmyphone,Ithrewitdownonthechairandlaidmyringnextto

it.Turningaround,Itookonelastlookatthestrangerinthemirror.Rippingtheveiloffmyhead,I

quietly slipped out the other door and left the church without anyone noticing me. Nerves flooded

throughoutmybodyasIrantothelimo,climbedinside,andtoldthedrivertosteponit.

PullinguptoPier59,Iclimbedoutofthelimoandstraightintothecab.

“Whereto,lady?”thedriveraskedashegavemeastrangelook.

“TheTravelodgeon6

Avenue.AndI’llneedyoutowaitformebecauseI’mgoingtotheairport.”

“Sure.Okay.”

Assoonashepulleduptothehotel,ItoldhimthatI’dbeafewminutesandtooktheelevatortothe

second floor. Inserting the key card into the lock, I stepped inside the room and stripped out of my

weddingdress.Unzippingthesuitcasethatwaslyingonthebed,Ichangedintoablackmaxidress,

slipped my feet into my black flip-flops, unpinned my brown hair, threw it up in a ponytail, and

grabbed my other purse, which had my wallet and new phone in it. I took my luggage down to the

lobby,handedittothecabdriverandclimbedinside.

TherealityofwhatI’ddonefinallysetinandtearsbegantostreamdownmyface.Theemptiness

I’d felt inside me for so long was still there, even though I was free. Free from the rope that my

parents had tied around my neck since the day I was born. My mind was cluttered with chaos and

racingamileaminute,andtheperfectweddingthatwastwenty-fouryearsinthemakingwasruined.

It wasn’t my fault. How could I marry someone I didn’t love? I could no longer pretend to be the

happy,perfectJillianBellthateveryonebelievedIwas.Aweighthadbeenliftedoffmyshouldersand

anewlifewasabouttoemerge.AlifethatIwouldbesolelyresponsibleforcreating.

As I walked through the airport, pulling my carry-on behind me, I realized that I hadn’t eaten a

singlethingallday.MymotherhadtoldmethatifIatebeforetheceremony,Iwouldbloatandthat

wastheonlythingtheguestswouldbefocusingon.Iwasstarving,soIstoppedatLaPisaCaféand

orderedapaniniandabagofchips.AsIwassatdownandtookasinglebiteofmypanini,Ipushed

the button on my phone to check the time. Shit. My flight was already boarding. Setting my panini

downontheplate,Ishovedthebagofchipsintomypurse,grabbedmycarry-on,andheadedtomy

gate.WhenIreachedthegate,InoticeditsaidtheflightwasgoingtoHouston,Texas.Lookingatmy

boardingpass,IaskedtheattendantbehindthedeskwheretheflighttoLAXwas.

“ThatflightwasmovedtoGateC24.”

“Sincewhen?”Iaskedabruptly.

“Aboutthirtyminutesago.”Shepolitelysmiled.

“Butthat’sallthewayattheotherendoftheairportandit’sboardingnow!”

“ThenIsuggestyourun.Anannouncementwasmadeoverhead.”

Shaking my head, I started to run through the airport to gate C24. This was my punishment, my

karma for leaving Grant at the altar. Instead of sitting down with him and my parents, I took the

coward’swayoutandranandIwasstillrunning.Thiswasunbelievable.Whodoesthatsortofthing?

Apersonwho’sbeenheldaprisonerallherlifeforfartoolongandsnaps.That’swho.JustasImade

ittothegate,theyweregettingreadytoclosethedoors.

“WAIT!”IshoutedbreathlesslyasIhandedtheattendantmyboardingpass.

“You’relucky.Youmadeitjustintime.”

Steppingontothepackedplane,IstoppeddeadinmytrackswhenIsawthepersonwhowasinthe

seatnexttomine.

“Ah,shit,”Isilentlyspoketomyself.Thiswasdefinitelymypunishment.Darkhair,businesssuit,

faceofagodpunishment.

Takinginadeepbreath,Iopenedtheoverheadandhelookedupatme,hisdarkbrowneyeslocked

onminethroughmysunglasses.

“Idon’tthinkthere’sanyroomupthere.”

“Icanseethat,”IspokeasIshuttheoverhead.

Suddenly,aflightattendantapproachedmeandtookmycarry-onfrommyhand.

“I’llfindaspaceforit.Justsitdown.We’retakingoffnow.”

“Thankyou.CanIgetaglassofwine,please?”

“Assoonaswe’reupintheair,I’llbringyouone.”Shegentlysmiled.

ThemansittingnexttomestoodupsoIcouldgettomyseatwithease.Removingthepillowand

theblanket,Isatdownandtookinadeepbreath.

“Areyouanervousflier?”heasked.

Slowlyturningmyhead,IlookedathimthroughthesunglassesthatIwasstillwearing.

“No.”

“Well, just the way you wanted a glass of wine before you even sat down led me to believe you

were.”

Seriously?WhatbusinesswasitofhisifIwantedaglassofwine?

“It’sjustbeenareallyshittyday,”IspokeasIlookedoutthewindow.

“I’m sorry to hear that. I hope it gets better for you.” He politely smiled and then went back to

lookingathisphone.

As the plane lifted off the ground, I stared at the life I was leaving behind. A life that was never

trulyminetobeginwith.Myheartstartedracingandmyskinbecameheated.Reachingup,Itwisted

theknobtotheairventastherushofcoolairpoureddownonmeandIletoutabreath.

“Ithoughtyouweren’tanervousflier,”themanspoke.

“It’snottheflight.”Ilaidmyheadagainstthewindow.

ChapterTwo

Jillian

“Hereyougo,miss,”theflightattendantspokeasshehandedmemywine.

“Thankyou.”

Ididn’twasteanytimegulpingdownhalftheglass.IneededitmorethanIthoughtIdid.Realizing

thatIstillhadmysunglasseson,Iremovedthemandsettheminmypurse.

“You’vebeencrying,”themanwhowasalltoofuckingnosey,butseriouslyhotasfuck,especially

withthatlightstubbleacrosshisjaw,spoke.

“Howdoyouknowthat?”Iaskedwithanattitude.

“Yourmakeup.”Heswepthisfingerunderhiseye.

Sighing,Itookoutthecompactfrommypurseandopenedit.Ugh.Hewasright.Ilookedlikea

raccoon.SomuchforthewaterproofmascaraGiorgioputonme.Igotupfrommyseatandwentto

the bathroom. After cleaning myself up and reapplying my eyeliner and mascara, I sat down in my

seatandlookedathim.

“Better?”Ispokesarcastically.

Hegavemeasmallbutincrediblesmile.“Ididn’tthinkitlookedbadbefore.”

Lookingdown,myheartskippedabeat.ThiswasthelastthingIneeded;tositnexttoasexyman

whowastryingtoflirtwithmejusthoursafterIleftmyentirelifebehindandmyfiancéstandingat

thealtar.

“So,whereareyoutravelingto?”heaskedasIstaredoutthewindow.

“Hawaii,”Ireplied.

“Metoo.Areyoutravelingalone?”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “Listen, I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but I’m really not in a talkative

mood.”

“Iunderstand.Sorry.Afterall,youdidhaveashittydayandIknowwhenIhaveashittyday,I’m

notinthemoodtotalkeither.”

“Good.I’mhappyyouunderstand.”Isighed.

Isignaledfortheflightattendantandaskedherforanotherglassofwine.Bringingmykneesup,I

placedthepillowagainstthewindowandleanedmyheadagainstit.Iwasexhausted,bothphysically

andmentally.Mymindcouldn’thelpbutwonderwhatwashappeningbackinSeattle.Thelookonmy

mother ’sfacewhenshefoundIwasgone.TheembarrassmentonGrant’sfacewhenIneverwalked

down the aisle. The whispers of the guests who gave up their time to attend a wedding that never

happened.Atearrandownmycheek,andnotbecauseIwassadaboutwhatI’ddone.Iwasn’tentirely

surewhythetearfellfrommyeye.MaybeitwasbecauseIwasn’tarobotanymore,lookingatmy

life from the outside. I no longer had to pretend to be happy, and every smile that crossed my lips

fromnowonwouldberealandgenuine.

“Here.”Themanhandedmeatissue.

Takingitfromhim,Iwipedmyeyes.

“Thanks.”

“You’rewelcome.Iwouldn’twantyourmascaratorunagain.”Hesmirked.

Asmilefelluponmyface.Arealsmile.Asmilethatmademefeelgoodinside.

“Here’syourwine.”Theflightattendanthandedmemyglass.“MayIgetyouanythingelse?”

“Isthereamealserviceonthisflight?”

“No.I’msorry.Lightsnacksonly,buttherewillbeamealservedonyourconnectingflightfrom

LAX.”

The man reached down in the small bag he had under the seat in front of him and pulled out a

proteinbar.

“Eatthis.”Hehandedittome.

“Thanks,butno,I’mfine.”

“Obviously,you’rehungry.Don’tyoulikeproteinbars?”Hesmiled.

“Ilikeproteinbars.Ieatthemalmosteveryday.Thankyoufortheoffer,butIcanwait.”

Heshrugged.“Suityourself.Ifyou’renotgoingtoeatit,thenIwill.”Heremovedthewrapperand

tookabite.

“You don’t even know me and you’re offering me your protein bar. Why?” I asked out of

curiosity.

“Becauseyouhadashittyday.It’stheleastIcoulddototryandmakeyourdayalittlebetter.That

way,youcantelleveryonethatanicegentlemanontheplanegaveyouhisproteinbarbecauseyou

werehungry.”

Iletoutalightlaughandshookmyhead.God,itfeltgoodtolaugh.

“See.”Hesmiled.“IthinkIjustmadeyourdayalittlelessshitty.”

Ilaughedagain.“MaybeI’lljusthaveapiece.”

Hebrokethebarinhalfandhandedittome.

“Thankyou—”Icockedmyheadandnarrowedmyeye.

“Drew.DrewWestbrook.”Hestuckouthishand.

“Nicetomeetyou,Drew.JillianBell.”Ipolitelyplacedmyhandinhis.

“Jillian.That’sabeautifulname.”

IcouldfeeltheheatriseinmycheeksasIthankedhim.AheatthatI’dneverfeltbefore.

“IthinkI’mgoingtowatchamovie,”IspokeasItooktheheadphonesoutofthepackagetheflight

attendantgaveme.

Lookingathiswatch,Drewspoke.“Youwon’thaveenoughtime.We’relandinginaboutanhour.”

“Oh.Okay,thenIthinkI’lljusttakeanap.Couldyoupleasewakemewhenweland?”

“Ofcourse.”Henodded.

****

Drew

JillianBell.Abeautifulnameforanincrediblybeautifulwoman.Theminuteshesteppedontothe

plane,Itooknoticeofher.Herbrownhairwiththesubtleblondehighlightspulledbackinaponytail

andherfive-foot-sixsmall-framedbutverytonedbodythatsportedtheblackmaxidresssheworeto

perfection.IhatedthatshekeptonthosedamnGuccisunglassesforsolongbecauseIneededtosee

her eyes. When she finally took them off and I saw the ocean blue staring back at me, I was left

breathless,evenwiththemascarastainsunderneaththem.Shewasbroken,thatmuchIcouldtell,and

therewasapartofmethatwantedtoreachoutandfixher.Acompletestranger.SomethingIdidn’t

do. I was curious as to why she was traveling to Hawaii alone. Something happened. A break-up,

perhaps? I wanted to know and I was going to find out more about Jillian Bell before our plane

landedinHawaii.

Assherestedherheadonthepillow,Icouldn’thelpbutstareather.Evenwhilesheattemptedto

sleep,shedidn’tseematpeace.IsighedasIlookeddownatmyiPadandsortedthroughsomeemails.

Everytimeshestirred,Ilookedoverathertomakesureshewasokay.

ChapterThree

Jillian

Iawoketothesofttouchofahandonmyshoulderandthesoftwhisperofmyname.

“Jillian,we’velanded.”

“Already?”Iyawned.

Drewchuckled.“Yes,already.”

Oncetheplaneenteredthegate,theflightattendanthandedmemycarry-onbagandDrewstepped

asidetoletmeout.

“Ladiesfirst.”Hegaveacharmingsmile.

“Thankyou.”

AsIsteppedofftheplane,Ilookedaroundforamonitortoseewhichgatemynextflightwasat.

“Jillian?”Drewspokeasheapproachedme.

“Yeah?”

“Wehaveanhourandahalflayoveruntilournextflight.Howaboutwegrabsomethingtoeat?I

know that half a protein bar didn’t do much for you and the idea of dinner on the plane is a little

revolting.Totallynotmyideaoffinedining.”

DrewWestbrookseemedlikeareallyniceguy.Areallyhotandsexyniceguy.Hissix-footstature,

darkhair,smolderingbrowneyestomatch,thestubblehesportedonhisface,andoveralldemeanor

was refreshing. A little panty soaking but refreshing. Was he hitting on me? Probably, but it didn’t

matter.Guyswereofflimitstomeandwouldbeforaverylongtime.NotuntilIfoundme,wouldI

evenconsiderfindingaguy.

“Sure.Whynot.”Ismiled.

“Great.Isthereanythinginparticularyou’reinthemoodfor?”

“AnicethickjuicyburgerandaplatefullofFrenchfries.”

He narrowed his right eye. “Really? I wouldn’t have thought you ate stuff like that, considering

howfityoulook.”

“Inormallydon’t,buttodaycallsforcomfortfood.”

“Isee.Okay.AnicethickjuicyburgerandaplatefullofFrenchfriesitis.”

Asweheadedinthedirectionofourgate,westoppedandtookaseatatUmamiBurger.

“WhatcanIgetyou?”thewaitressasked.

“I’llhavetheLAXburger,please.”

“Everythingonit?”sheasked.

“Yes.Andwhateveryouhaveontap.”Ismiled.

“Andforyou,sir?”

“I’llhavetheveggieburgerandwhateveryouhaveontap.”

“Theveggieburger?”Ismirked.

“Issomethingwrongwithaveggieburger?”Hecockedhishead.

“No.Nothingatall.”Isnickered.

“Ididn’ttakeyouforabeerkindofgirl.”

“Ohreally?Andwhatkindofgirldidyoutakemefor?”

“Thekindofgirlwhodrinksfinewines,fruitycocktails,andexpensivechampagne.”

IlookeddownasIranmyfingerandthumbalongwheremyringoncesat.

“Ilikeabeereverynowandagain.”

He was right about me. I did drink fine wines, fruity cocktails, and expensive champagne. Ever

since I could remember, my mother used to tell me that beer was for the lower class; that it was a

cheap man’s drink and I had an image to uphold. I could never drink a beer around my parents or

Grant.Hewasjustasbadastheywere,onlydrinkinghisscotchorbourbonontherocksandholding

hisglassinsuchaprissymannerastoalerteveryonehewastheupperclassandnottobefuckedwith.

“EarthtoJillian.”Drewwavedhishandinfrontofmyface.

Ilookedupathimandlightlyshookmyhead.“Sorry.Whatwereyousaying?”

“Youseemedlostinthought.Caretotalkaboutit?”

ThewaitresssetdownourbeersinfrontofusandIquicklytookalargesip.

“No.”IsmiledasIsetdownmyglass.

Hiseyesnarrowedatmeashestudiedmeforamoment.

“Whoareyou,JillianBell?”

Tiltingmyheadtothesideandgivingalightshrug,Ispoke,“Ihavenoclue.”

Aconfusedlooksweptoverhisface,andbeforehehadachancetosayanything,thewaitressset

ourburgersinfrontofus.

“How’sthatveggieburger?”Iasked.

“It’sgood.How’sthatgrease-drippingburgeryou’reeating?”

“Fantastic,”Ispokewithamouthfuloffood.

Drewletoutalightchuckle.Oncewefinishedeating,Ileanedbackinmychairandpuffedoutmy

cheeks.

“OhmyGod.I’msofull.”

DidIcarethatIhadjustscarfeddownaburger,aplateoffries,andabeerinfrontofasexyman

thatIhadjustmetacoupleofhoursago?No.Ididn’tevengiveitasecondthought.Iwasoverwhat

anybodythoughtofme.

“We better get to our gate,” Drew spoke as he pulled out his wallet and threw some cash on the

table.

Reachingintomypurse,Ipulledoutsomemoney.

“Igotit,Jillian.”Hesmiled.

“No.No.I’mpayingformyown.”Isetthedollarbillsonthetable.

Drewpickedthemupandplacedthembackinmyhand.

“IsaidIgotit.See?NowI’veonceagainmadeyourshittydayalittlelessshitty.”Hegrinned.

Icouldn’thelpbutsmileasIstaredintohisdeepdarkbrowneyes.Hewasareallyniceguy.Or

washejusttryingtogetintomypants?Eitherway,Ilethimpay.Hecouldbeniceallhewantedbuthe

wouldn’tgetapieceofme,eventhoughthethoughtofhismuscularstrongbodyontopofminewas

enticing.Shit.Ineededtostopthinkingthat.

AsweboardedtheplaneforHawaii,Itookmyseatnexttoanolderwomanwhowasdrippingin

goldanddiamonds.SheworeaDonnaKaransuit,andwhenIlookeddownatherfeet,Icouldn’thelp

butnoticeherJimmyChoo’s.Herhairwassecuredinaperfectbunandhermakeupwasimmaculate.

Sheremindedmetoomuchofmymother.Drew’sseatwastworowsbehindmeandIadmitthatIwas

alittledisappointedhewasn’tsittingnexttome.

“Excuseme,ma’am?”Drewspokeashestoodintheaisle.“Wouldyoumindswitchingseatswith

me?Ihavealovelywindowseattworowsback.”

“I’mfinewhereI’mat,”shespokewithanattitude,notlookingupfromhermagazine.

IlookedupatDrew,gavehimawink,andmotionedforhimtogositbackinhisseat.Suddenly,I

begantocoughloudlyuntilthewomanlookedover.

“Areyouallright?”sheasked.

“No.”Icoughedinherface.

Sheleanedtothesideofherseat,awayfrommeasIkeptcoughing.

“Canyoupleasecoveryourmouth?”

“Ohsorry.IthappenssomuchthatsometimesIforget.”

AsIcoughedinmyhand,Iplaceditonherarm.

“I’m sorry, but once I start, it could go on for hours. So I want to apologize in advance for the

disruptionitmaycauseyouduringoursix-hourflight.”

Shelookeddownatmyhand,whichwastouchingthefabricofhersuit,andthenbackupatme.

Grabbingherpurse,shegotupfromherseatand,beforeIknewit,Drewwassittingnexttome.

“Wellplayed,Jillian.”Hewinked.

“Thankyou.”Ismiled.“Ididn’twanttositnexttoheranyway.Sheremindsmeofmymother.”

“Isthatabadthing?”Hisbrowarched.

“Yeah.Itis.”Ilookedaway.

ChapterFour

Jillian

Once the plane took off, the flight attendant took our dinner order, which consisted of either a

chickenenchiladaorasalmonsalad.DrewoptedforthesalmonsaladandIdeclinedboth.Notonly

wasIstillfullfromthatginormousburger,Ididn’tlikeenchiladasandtherewasnowayIwaseating

salmonfromanairplane.

“Ithoughtplanefoodrevoltedyou?”Ismirked.

“Itdoes,butthatveggieburgerdidn’tseemtofillmeupandthesalmonsaladdoesn’tsoundtoo

bad.”

“Youshouldhavehadthebigthickgreasyburgerlikeme.”

“Yeah.MaybeIshouldhave.”Hewinked.

“Whatdoyoudoforwork?”Iaskedwithcuriosity.

“Iownandrunatechnologycompany.”

I knew he was in corporate just by the suit he was wearing. He had “corporate man” written all

overhim.Onethingthatcaughtmebysurprisewasthefactthatheownedthecompany.

“Nice.Howoldareyou?”Icockedmyhead.

Helaughed.“Idon’tthinkit’spolitetoasksomeonetheirage.”

“Wrong.It’snotpolitetoaskawomanherage,butforaman,it’snoholdsbarred.”

“Sowhyisitwrongtoaskawoman?”Hisbrowraised.

“Becausewomenaremoresensitivetotheagequestionthanmen.It’sinourgenes.”

“Ah.Isee.Well,toansweryourquestion,I’mthirty.Andnow,you’llanswermyquestion,impolite

ornot.Howoldareyou?”

“I’mtwenty-four.”

“Really?”Hefrowned.“Youdon’tlookadayovereighteen.”Hislipsgavewaytoasmallsmile.

Rollingmyeyes,Icouldn’thelpbutlaugh.“Isthatwhyyou’rebeingsonicetome,becauseyou

thoughtIwasanaïveeighteen-year-oldwhojustblossomedintoalegaladultwithnobaggagethat

youcouldmanipulateinthepalmofyourhand?”Ismirked.

“First of all, eighteen year olds aren’t my thing. They are way too immature, legal adult or not,

andsecondofall,I’mjustaniceguyallthewayaround.”Hewinked.

“Thatyouare,Mr.Westbrook.”Mylipsgavewaytoasmallsmile.

TheflightattendantsetDrew’ssalmonsaladdowninfrontofhim.Itookonelookatitandsighed.

“You’rereallygoingtoeatthat?”

“Ofcourse.”Hestabbedhisforkintothesaladandtookabite.“It’sdelicious.”

“Itisnot!Icantellbythelookonyourfaceandthewayyou’retryingtochokeitdown.”

Heshrugged.“Okay.It’snotveryappetizing.”

“Oh.Isthatcheesecake?”IaskedasIpointedtothesmallplateonhistray.

“Itlookslikeit.Doyouwantit?”

“Don’tyou?”Iasked.

“I’mnotabigcheesecakekindofperson.So,please,bemyguest.I’llhavetoasktheattendantfor

anotherfork.”

“Noneed.”IsmiledasIreachedover,pickeditupwithmyhands,andtookabite.

Drew’sfacetwistedashewatchedme.

“What?It’snotabigpiece.It’sbitesize.”Ifinisheditoffwithonemorebite.“Thankyouforonce

againmakingmyshittydayalittlelessshitty.”Igrinned.

“You’rewelcome.”Henodded.“I’msurprisedyou’restillhungryafterthatlargeburger,abeer,

yourfries,andmine.”

Withouteventhinking,Ispoke,“Well,afterstarvingmyselfforthelastsixmonthstomakesureI

didn’tgainanouncesoIcouldfitintomywedding—”Ipausedandthenturnedmyheadtowardsthe

window.

Drewdidn’tsayaword,whichwasagoodthingbecauseIwasn’tabouttogetintosomethingso

personalaboutmyselfwithastranger.

“So,whatdoyoudoforaliving?”heaskedtochangethesubject.

“I’malawyer.Well,nottechnicallyyet.Istillhavetotakethebar.”WhichIhadnoplanstoever

do.

“Impressive.Wheredidyouattendlawschool?”

“Yale.”

“Wow.NowI’mreallyimpressed.”Hesmiled.“Didyoujustgraduate?”

“Yep.Twoweeksagoandatthetopofmyclass.”

“Yourparentsmustbeveryproudofyou.That’squiteanaccomplishment.”

“Theyare.”Notnowtheyaren’t,Ithoughttomyself.

The flight attendant walked over and took Drew’s tray from him as I pulled out the headphones

frommypurse.

“IthinkI’llwatchamovienow,”Ispoke.

“Allright.Ihavesomeworktodo.”HepulledouthisiPad.

****

Drew

Alawyer.Wow,notonlywasshebeautifulbutextremelysmart.Icaughtthepartaboutherwedding

dress,whichpiquedmycuriosity,butIcouldtellaftersheslippedthatshewasupset,soIdidn’task

heranymoreaboutit.Igottheimpressionthatherfiancébrokeitoffwithherandthatwaswhyshe

wassobroken.AsforHawaii,shewasprobablytryingtoescapethepain.Ifoundherrefreshingand

funny.Shehadawitaboutherthatcaptivatedme.Whowouldeverbreakupwithsomeonelikeher?If

sheweremine,Iwouldhaveheldontoherforever.

AsIwasdoingsomeworkonmyiPad,theplanehitsomebadturbulence.Jillianreachedoverand

grabbedmyarm.

“Areyouokay?”Iasked.

“Sorry.Turbulencejustfreaksmethefuckout.”Sheinhaleddeeplyandlaidherheadback.

“Don’tapologize.Myarmishereforyouwheneveryouneedit.”Ismiled.

Theplaneleveledoutanditseemedwewereintheclear.Lettinggoofmyarm,Jilliancontinued

towatchhermovieandIwentbacktowork.

****

Jillian

Just as I started to relax again, the plane abruptly dropped and the pilot announced that we were

heading into some severe storms and turbulence was going to a problem for a short while. The

seatbelt light went on and all the flight attendants were commanded to sit in their seats until we got

throughit.Iwasn’tsureifIcouldgetthroughit.AsIfelttheplanegoingupanddown,Igrabbedon

toDrew’sarmagain.Fornow,hewasmysafetyandtherewasnowayIwaslettinggo.Anxietyhad

startedtokickinandIfounditdifficulttobreathe.

“Hey. Relax. It’s going to okay,” Drew said as he placed his hand on mine. “Let’s talk. Tell me

something.Anything.”

HewastryingtodistractmeandIappreciatedhimforit.HecouldseeIwasstrugglingtocalmthe

fuckdown.

“Breathe,Jillian.”Hiseyesburntintomine.

MyheartwaspoundingoutofmychestandIwassweating.

“Talktome,”hespokewithseriousness.

“Ileftmyfiancéatthealtartoday.Ididn’teventellhimthatIcouldn’tmarryhim.Ijustupandleft

without anyone noticing a couple of minutes before I was to walk down the aisle. I couldn’t marry

him.Idon’tlovehim.Ineverdid.Itwastoomuch.Betweenmyparentsandhim,Ijustcouldn’ttakeit

anymore,”Iblurtedout.“Andnow,thisismypunishment.We’regoingtocrashandI’mgoingtodie

andgotoHellforit.”

Drewstaredatmewithashockedexpressiononhisface.Hedidn’tknowwhattosaybecauseIwas

surehiswholeperceptionofmehadjustchangedinthatmoment.

“Wearen’tgoingtocrash,you’renotgoingtodie,andyoucertainlyaren’tgoingtoHellbecause

youleftyourfiancé.”

Afterhespokethosewords,theplaneleveledoutandonceagainbecamesteady.Thepilotcameon

theoverheadandsaidwewereintheclearandthankedusforourcooperation.Lettingoutasighof

relief,Ibegantocalmdownandregainmybreath.

“See.Itwasjustalittleturbulence.It’sovernow.”Hesmiled.

“I’msorryforjustblurtingthatout.”

“It’s okay. You thought you were going to die, so you had to tell someone. Do you want to talk

aboutit?”heaskedinasoothingvoice.

“That’sbasicallyit.TodaywasmyweddingdayandIran.”

“Ifyouneverlovedhim,whydidyouaccepthisproposal?”

“BecauseIhadnochoice.HewasmyfiancésinceIwasachild.Plannedbymyparentsandhis.He

wastheoneIhadtomarry.”

“Waitaminute.”Heshookhishead.“Wasthisanarrangedmarriage?”

Ilaughed.“Ifyoureallystoptothinkaboutit,Iguessitwas.Hisparentsandmyparentshavebeen

bestfriendssincetheywereteenagers.Heistheheirtohisfather ’slawfirmandIamthedaughterof

theprestigiousDonaldBellofDBSimpson&Co.”

“Youmeanoneofthelargestglobalfinancialfirms,DBSimpson&Co?”

“Yep.That’stheone.”

“Wow.Ohboy.Wow.”

“See.You’respeechless.”

“Not really. I mean, why would you marry someone you’re not in love with? I just don’t

understandwhyyoudidn’tsaysomethingbeforethewedding.”

“BecauseIneverhadanycontrolovermyownlife.FromthedayIwasborn,mylifehadalready

beenplannedout.WhereIwouldgotoschool,whomyfriendswouldbe,whoIcouldandcouldnot

socializewith,andmycareer.Shit.Idon’tevenwanttobealawyer.”

“Itakeityou’reanonlychild?”

“Yeah.Well,sortof.That’sanotherstory.”Ishookmyhead.

Drewlookedathiswatch.“Wehaveacoupleofhoursleft.”

“Thanks,butIdon’treallywanttotalkaboutit.It’sjustthatIneverwasallowedtomakemyown

decisions.MymomandGrant’smomplannedtheentirewedding.Ididn’thaveasayinanything,not

evenmyweddingdress.TheoneIwantedwasn’texpensiveenoughandmymothersaiditmademe

lookfat.SoshepickedthedressshelikedandIjustagreedtoit.Ididn’tcareandIdidn’thaveany

fightinme.Goingagainstmyparentswasalosingbattle.”

“Andnow?”heasked.

“IguessyoucouldsayIsnapped.”Igaveasmallsmile.“Idon’tknowwhoIam,Drew.Everytime

Ilookinamirror,Iseeatotalstrangerstaringbackatme.”

“Soyou’regoingtoHawaii.Why?”Hecockedhishead.

“IneededtoescapeandwhatbetterplacethanHawaii.I’mstartingmylifeoverand,littlebylittle,

I’mgoingtofindoutwhoJillianBellreallyis.”

Thecornersofhismouthcurvedupwards.“Goodforyou.”

“Thanks.It’sreallyliberating.”

“SowhataboutyourparentsandGrant?”

“Whoknowsandwhocares?Idon’tthinkheevenlovedmeanyway.Hewasacheaterandaliar.

Hell,hisbachelorpartywaslastweekendinVegasandhesleptwithtwostrippersatthesametime.”I

lookeddown.

“Ouch.Whatadick.I’msorry.”

“Don’tbe.I’mnot.I’mfeelingreallytiredfromthatwholeturbulenceexperience.I’mgoingtotry

andgetsomesleep.So,wouldyouwakemeifI’mstillsleepingwhentheplanelands?”Ibitdownon

mybottomlip.

“OfcourseIwill,andifyouneedmyshouldertolieon,it’savailable.”

“Thanks,butthewindowisfine.”

Iproppedthepillowagainstthewindowandlaidmyheaddownagainstit.

ChapterFive

Drew

Wow,herstory reallyhita spotinmy heartandI feltsorry forher.I couldfeelher painasshe

talkedaboutleavingherfiancéatthealtar,andherparents,shit,Icouldn’timaginegrowinguplike

that.Justaswewereabouttoland,Jillianopenedhereyesandlookedaround.

“We’ll be landing in a couple of minutes. I can’t believe I’m landing in Hawaii in the dark.” I

smirked.

“Youhadtohaveknownwhenyoubookedtheflight,”shespoke.

“Thiswasn’tmyoriginalflight.Myotherflightwasdelayedduetomechanicalissuesandthenit

gotcancelled.Thisistheflighttheyputmeon.Iwassupposedtoarrivearoundthreethirtypm,not

ninefiftypm.”

“ThiswastheonlyflightthathadfirstclassavailablewhenIbookedit.”

“Andwhendidyoubookthisflight?”Iasked.

“Twoweeksago.Itwasabackup,justincase.Andasyoucansee,thejustincasehappened.”

Whentheplanearrivedatthegate,ItookJillian’scarry-onbagfromtheoverheadandhandeditto

her.Aftergrabbingmine,Itookastepbackandletheroutfirst.

“I’mgoingtousethebathroombeforeIheadtobaggageclaim.”

“Oh.Okay.Icanwaitforyou,”shespoke.

“Yougoahead.”

Ididn’tknowhowtosayit.Thisshouldn’thavebeensohardandIdidn’tunderstandwhyitwas.

Maybebecausewesharedaconnectionontheplane.Whothehellknew.

“Actually,mygirlfriendismeetingme.Sheflewinthismorning.”

****

Jillian

Awkward moment. Was I surprised? No. I didn’t expect a man like him to be single and I never

askedhimwhyhewasflyingtoHawaiialone.Ididn’tknowwhattosay.

“That’sgreat.”MylipsgavewaytothesmilethatIhadperfected.“Well,Iguessthisisgoodbye.

Thankyou,Drew,formakingmyshittydayalittlelessshitty.Itwasnicetomeetyou.”

Hislipsformedasmallsmileasheheldouthishandtome.

“Itwasnicetomeetyoutoo,Jillian.Ihopeeverythingworksoutforyouandyoufindyourself.”

“Thankyou.”Ilightlyshookhishand.

AsIwalkedaway,Drewcalledmyname.

“Jillian?”

Iturnedaroundandtookonelastlookathim.

“Do me a favor. Please be careful while you’re here. No matter where you go, there are always

somecrazypeoplearound.”

“Don’tworryaboutme.I’llbefine.”Igavehimasmallwaveandheadedtobaggageclaim.

There was a part of me that was sad about saying goodbye to Drew Westbrook. He was the first

nicepersonI’dmetonmyself-discoveryjourney.Talkingtohimformostofthedaymademefeel

good.Forthefirsttimeinmylife,Ifelthappyinside.WhenIarrivedatthebaggageclaimarea,Isaw

anice-lookinggentlemanholdingupasignwithmynameonit.

“That’sme.”Ismiled.

“Ah,welcometoHawaii,MissBell.I’mKaleo,andit’smypleasuretodriveyoutoyourhotel.”

“Nicetomeetyou,Kaleo.”

“Yourluggagewillbecomingoutrightoverhere.”

As we were waiting for the luggage to be unloaded, I happened to glance over and saw Drew

huggingatall,blonde-hairedwoman.AlumpformedinthebackofmythroatandIquicklylooked

away.IjustwantedtogetthehelloutofhereandtothehotelsoIcouldclimbintobedandsleepmy

troublesaway.Finally,IsawmyluggagecomearoundandKaleopickeditupandledmetothesedan

thatwasparkedrightoutsidethedoors.IhadnochoicebuttopassbyDrewandhisgirlfriend,soI

keptmyeyeslookingstraightaheadandpretendednottoseethem.

WhenKaleopulleduptotheKahalaHotel&Resort,heremovedmybagsfromthetrunkandthe

bellhopinfrontofthehotelgrabbedthem.

“WelcometotheKahalaHotel&Resort.”Hesmiled.

Icheckedmyselfin,andwhenIturnedaround,IsawDrewandhisgirlfriendheadingtothesame

elevatorsIwas.Shit.Fuck.Shit.Whydidhehavetobestayingatthesamehotel?

“Hello.”Henodded.

“Hey.”Ismiled.“Nicetoseeyouagain.”

ThetallblondenarrowedhereyeatmeandIcouldseeherclawsemerge.

“Jess,thisisJillian.Herseatwasnexttomineontheplane.”

“Oh.Hello.”Sheextendedherwell-manicuredhandwithanunsuresmileanddaggeringeyes.

“Nicetomeetyou,Jess.”

WesteppedinsidetheelevatorandthebellhoppushedthebuttonforthePresidentialSuite.Noone

spokeaword.Thiswasawkwardandtherewasnoreasonthatitshouldhavebeen.Butthen,whydidI

feellikeIhaddonesomethingwrong?Assoonastheelevatordoorsopened,Isteppedoutandspoke

tothem,“Enjoyyourvacation.”

“Youtoo,”DrewrepliedwhileJessgavemeaslightnod.

Opening the door to my suite, the bellhop set my bags down in the bedroom. I reached in my

pocketandpulledoutsomecash.

“Thankyouforbringingmybagsup.”

“Thankyou,MissBell.Enjoyyourstaywithus.Ifyouneedanythingatall,pleaseletusknow.”

Igrabbedmyphonefrommypurseandlookedatthetime.Itwasalmosteleven.Ipromisedmy

bestfriend,Kellan,thatIwouldcallhimassoonasIgotsettled.Itwastwoa.m.inSeattle,andItook

mychancesthathewasstillup.

“Hello,”heanswered.

“Hey.It’ssogoodtohearafamiliarvoice.”

“I’vebeenwaitingforyourcall.Howareyou?I’vebeenworriedsick.”

“I’mokay.Sowhathappened?”

“Oh,Jillian.Idon’tevenknowwheretostart.Yourmomanddadarepissedashell,andGrant,I

justthinkthatlittledouchebagwasmoreembarrassedthananything.Yourmomcametomeandasked

meifIknewaboutthelittlestuntyoupulled.”

“Werethoseherexactwords?”

“Yes.I’dneverseenhersoangry.HerfacewassoredthatIwassureshewasgoingtodropdead

ofaheartattackrightthereinthechurch.Grantmadeanannouncementandtoldallthegueststhatthis

wasjustamisunderstandingandhe’dgetitsortedout.I’llbehonestwithyou,Jill,Idon’tthinkyou’ll

everbeabletocomebackhere.”

“Idon’teverplanonit.YouknowthatandIknowthat.Listen,I’mexhaustedandIjustwanttogo

tosleep.I’llcallyoutomorrow.”

“Okay,babygirl.SweetdreamsandI’mproudofyou.Iloveyou.”

“Iloveyoutoo,Kellan,andthankyouforeverythingyou’vedoneforme.”

After ending the call, I unzipped my suitcase and pulled out my nightgown. Once I changed, I

pulledbackthecovers,climbedintotheluxuriousking-sizedbed,andpulledthesheetsupoverme,

holdingtheedgeswithatightgrip.AmilliondifferentemotionsweregoingthroughmyheadandI

justneededtoturnmybrainoff.EasiersaidthandoneasItossedandturnedallnight.

****

Drew

She’sverypretty,”Jessspokeastheelevatordoorsshut.

“Ididn’tnotice,”Ilied.

“Oh,comeon,Drew.Whothehellwouldn’tnoticeagirllikeher?”

Jesswasraringtostartafight.IcouldtellandIwasinnomood.IwastiredandIdidn’tplantobe

upallnightarguingwithher.

“Jess, I’m warning you. We aren’t going to go through this again. For fuck sakes,” I spoke as I

openedthedoortotheImperialSuite,“Icouldn’thelpthatherseatwasnexttomine.”

“Didyoutalktoher?”sheaskedassheheadedtowardsthebathroom.

“OfcourseIdid.Wewereonasix-hourflight.”Ididn’tdaretellherthatwealsosatnexttoeach

otherontheplanefromSeattle.

“Didshecomeherealone?”sheaskedasshestoodinfrontofthemirrorandtookoffhermakeup.

“Yes.Shewassupposedtogetmarriedtodaybutcouldn’tgothroughwithit.”

“Wow.Itseemslikeyougotherlifestory.”

Slowlyclosingmyeyes,Itookinadeepbreath.

“Notreally.”

“Whywouldshetellyouthat?Atotalstranger?Whodoesthatshit?”

“Apparently,awomanwhoneededtotalktosomeone.”

“Didshehitonyou?”sheaskedassheturnedthelightoffandclimbedintobed.

“No.Shedidn’thitonmeandyou’rebeingridiculousrightnow.Listen,youneedtostopbeingso

jealousofeverywomanwholooksmyway.HaveIevergivenyouareasontomistrustme?”

“No.”

“Exactly.”Ireacheddownandkissedherlips.“Nowgetsomesleep.I’mexhaustedandhadareally

longday.Ididn’tplantogetinthislate.”

“But I’ve been looking forward to having sex with you all day.” Her hand reached down and

rubbedmycock.

“Nottonight,Jess.I’mwaytootired.”

“Whatagreatstarttothisvacation.”Shehuffed.

“Canyoupleaseforonceinyourlifethinkaboutsomebodybesidesyourself?”

SheturnedtheotherwayandIdidn’tcare.IsighedasIplacedmyhandsbehindmyheadandstared

upattheceiling.TheonlywomanonmymindatthemomentwasJillian.

ChapterSix

Jillian

ThesunpeeredthroughthewindowasIopenedthecurtainsandgreetedthewarmbeautifulday.

Staring at the full ocean view from my window, I smiled at the peace and serenity I felt at that

moment.Sittingdownonthebed,Iopenedupmylaptop;therewassomeoneIneededtocheckinon

andtalkto.

“Hey,you.I’vebeenwaitingforyoutoskype.”Kristensmiled.

“I’msorry.BytimeIgottothehotellastnight,itwaslate,andyou’resixhoursahead,soIdidn’t

wanttowakeyou.”

“Ican’tbelieveyoudidit.”

“Meeither.Howareyoufeeling?”

“Same.Ihavechemotomorrowandthenanotherscannextweek.Butdon’tworryaboutme.I’llbe

fine.Youneedtofocusonyouandyouonly.”

“YouknowI’malwaysworriedaboutyou.”Ipouted.

“Well,don’tbe.IwantyoutohavefuninHawaiiandfocusonyou.I’llbeherewhenyoucometo

NewYork.”

“IsNoahtakinggoodcareofyou?”

“Healwaysdoes.”Shesmiled.

“Okay.I’mgoingtogosoyoucangetsomerest.Iwishyoucouldbeherewithme.”

“Metoo.Butnoworries.We’lltakeatriponeofthesedays.”

Aftersayinggoodbye,Irubbedmyhanddownmyface.TheguiltIfeltaboutnotflyingstraightto

NewYorkwaseatingatme.Kristenwouldn’thearofitandtoldmetogosomewhereforawhileto

collectmythoughtsbeforesettlingintomynewlife.ShewasoneofthestrongestwomenIknewand

Icouldn’twaittoseeher.

AfterItookashower,Icurledtheendsofmylongbrownhair,slippedintomyfloralspaghetti-

strapped sundress, and headed downstairs to the restaurant for breakfast. When I walked in, I saw

Drew and Jess sitting at a table. He was reading the newspaper and she was looking at her phone.

Sighing,Iaskedthehostesstoseatmeontheothersideoftherestaurant.

AsIsippedonmycoffee,myphonerang,anditwasKellan.

“Hithere,”Ianswered.

“Hey.Sorrytobotheryouonyourvacay,butIhavetoask.Youhaven’tusedanyofyouroldcredit

cards,right?”

“No.Ihaven’t.I’vebeenpayingcashorusingmynewcard.”

“Good.Yourmompaidmealittlevisitearlieranddemandedtoknowwhereyouwere.Ireallyhad

to talk my way out of that one. I even had to cry. She and your father are checking all your credit

cards,rentalcarplaces,airports,hotels,andyourbankaccount.”

“Theycancheckalltheywant.Theywon’tfindanything.”

“Apparently,thelimodriverspilledthebeansandtoldthemhedroppedyouoffatPier59.”

“Thatasshole.Ipaidhimgoodmoneytokeephismouthshut.”

“Well,yourparentspaidmoretogetthetruth.Buthedidn’ttellthemyougotintoacab.Hejust

saidthatwhenhedroppedyouoff,hesawyouwalkingdownthestreetonfoot.”

“Didyougetridofthedress?”Iasked.

“Yeah. I went to the hotel last night, boxed it up, and sent it off to that girl in Wisconsin this

morning.”

“Thankyou.”

AsIlookedup,IsawDrewlookingoveratme.Igaveasmallsmileandnod.

“Hello?Jill?Areyouthere?”

“Sorry.”

“Areyouokay?Areyouhavingsecondthoughtsabouteverything?”

“Godno!ButI’mfine.It’sjustImetthisguyontheplaneyesterdayandthen,whenwelandedin

LosAngeles,wegrabbedabitetoeat.WesattogetheragainontheplanetoHawaii.Nowhe’sstaying

atthesamehotelandIjustsawhimlookingatmefromacrosstherestaurant.”

“Oh.Meow.Ishehot?”

Ismiled.“Yeah.Heisincrediblyhotandhe’sherewithhisgirlfriend.”

“Damn.”

“Nodamn,Kellan.AguyisthelastthingIneed.Remember,I’mstartingmylifeover.It’saguy-

freezone,atleastforthenexttenyearsorso.”

“Ithinktenyearsisalittleridiculous,JillyBean.”

“Nah.TenshouldgivemeenoughtimetofigureoutwhoIam.Therewillbenoexceptions.”

“Ifyousayso.GoenjoyHawaii.Ijustwantedtoupdateyouontheevilqueen.”

“Thanksforlettingmeknow.I’lltalktoyoulater.”

As I was eating my breakfast, I saw Drew and Jess get up from their table and head out of the

restaurantwithhishandonthesmallofherback.Iwon’tlieandsaythatmyminddidn’twonderwhat

itwouldbeliketohavehimasaboyfriend.Thethoughtofdatingscaredme.Ihadonlybeenwithone

guy my entire life: Grant. Ugh. The thought of him made my stomach feel sick. He came from an

influentialfamilyoflawyers.Andyes,wedidattendYaletogether.Ithinkitwashisandmyparents’

wayofkeepinganeyeonme.Hisfather,ahotshotlawyer,ownedhisownhighpowerfirm,andas

soonasGrantpassedthebar,hewouldimmediatelybecomeapartnerandthentakeovercompletely

when his father retired. I had no clue how he was going to be a lawyer since he never bothered to

listentowhatanyonesaidunlessitbenefitedhim.Hewasthetruedefinitionofanarcissist.Hewasn’t

evenallthatgoodlooking.Imean,hewascuteinhisownfive-foot-eightway.Hewasyourtypical

preppyboy.Shortdarkhairthatswepttotheside,blueeyes,andcertainlynomusclesanywheretobe

found on his body. He always wore polo shirts, which I hated, and occasionally, he would tie a

sweater around his neck. If you looked up the definition of a snob in the dictionary, you’d see his

picturefullfrontandcenter.Helookeddownonpeoplewhodidn’thavethekindofwealthhehadand

hewasneverashamedtoflauntit.Hewasacheater,aliar,anddidn’tcareaboutanyonebuthimself.

Now let’s talk about sex. The thought made me shudder. His penis. Well, let’s just say that half the

time, I couldn’t even feel it. I faked more orgasms than I had actual ones, and the actual ones were

complimentsofmyself.Hethoughthewasthemaninthebedroom,butthetruthwas,hewasjusta

boywhodidn’tknowwhatthefuckhewasdoing.Wehadn’thadsexinmonths.Itbecamedraining

tryingtomakeupexcuseswhyIdidn’twantto.Iwastootired,Ihadaheadache,Ihadaninfection,I

wasovulating,Iwasonmyperiod,Iforgottotakemybirthcontrolpillthenightbefore.Younameit,

Iusedit.HavingsexwithhimwassomethingIdreaded.Itwasn’tapartnership.Itwasmoreabouthim

satisfyinghisownneeds.

IhadmeantwhatIsaidtoKellanonthephone.MynewlifeandjourneythatIwasabouttoembark

on was about me. I didn’t care if “Mr. Right” walked up to me at this very moment. Guys weren’t

goingtobeapartofmyjourney.Notforaverylongtime.Thiswasasolomission.Myentirelife

had been in the hands of other people and now, I was taking it back. After finishing breakfast, I

decidedtodoalittlestand-uppaddleboarding.AfterIheadeduptomysuite,Ichangedintomyblack

bikini,threwmycover-uponme,grabbedatowel,andheadedoutthedoor.Whenthedoorstothe

elevatoropened,IsawDrewandJessstandingthere.

“Hi.”Ismiled.

“Hi,”Drewspokewithasmallsmile.

“Hello.”Jesslookedmeupanddown.“Areyougoingtothepool?”sheasked.

“Paddleboarding,”Ireplied.

“Ugh,Ihatepaddleboarding.”

“Well,it’snotforeveryone.”Islightlyrolledmyeyes.

Whentheelevatordoorsopened,Isteppedoutandspoke,“Haveagreatday.”

“Youtoo,”Drewreplied.

Whiletheywalkedaway,Icouldn’thelpbutstareathisattire.Blackswimtrunksthatwerejustthe

right length, a tight light gray t-shirt that hugged his body in all the right places, and flip-flops. He

lookedsmokinghotandIwon’tlieandsaymybikinibottomsdidn’tgetalittlewet.Ugh.Shakingmy

headandenteringbackintoreality,Iwalkedovertowherethepaddleboardswere.

“CanIpaddleboardouttothatlittleisland?”Ipointed.

“Yousurecan.There’sacouplespotswhereyoucansitdownandgetsomesunifyouwant.”

“Great.”Ismiled.

AfeelingofpeaceovertookmeasIgotonthepaddleboardandbegantomakemywaytowards

the island. As I was sitting there with my knees hugging my chest, I stared out into the ocean and

listened to the serene sound of the waves. I had been to Hawaii many times growing up, and every

time I visited, I felt the same peace that resided in me now, but that sense of feeling flew away the

minutewesteppedontheplanetogohome.

Staringoutandtakinginthewarmthofthesunthatenvelopedme,Inoticedamanwhokeptfalling

offhispaddleboardheadingtowardstheisland.AsIstrainedmyeyestogetabetterlook,itseemed

thatmanlookedlikeDrew.Hesawmestaringathimashesatonhisboardandputhisarmsoutasif

hewasgivingup.Laughing,Igrabbedmyboardandpaddledouttohim.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Iasked.

“Iwastryingtogettotheislandtocomeandsayhi,butitjustwasn’tworkingout.”

“Haveyouneverbeenonapaddleboardbefore?”

“No.Actually,Ihaven’t.”Hesighed.

“Where’sJess?”

“Shecamedownwithamigraineandwentbacktotheroomtoliedown.Iwassittingdownatthe

poolandrememberedyouhadsaidyouweregoingpaddleboarding,soIthoughtI’dgiveitatry.”

“HowdidyouknowIwasatthatisland?”

“Iaskedtheguyattherentalplaceifheknewwhichdirectionyouwereheadedandhesaidyouhad

askedabouttheisland.So,hi.”Hesmiled.

“Hi.”Igrinned.“Doyouthinkyoucanmakeitbacktoshorewithoutfallinginthewater?”

“Idon’tthinkso.MaybeIshouldhavehadsomelessonsfirst.”

“Thatprobablywouldhavebeenagoodidea.Youknowyoucanjustsitonyourknees.Youdon’t

havetostandupifyou’renotcomfortable.”

“Ithoughtaboutthat,butthenI’dlooklikeanidiotouthere.Lookaround;everyoneisstanding.”

Icouldn’thelpbutlaugh.“Okay,handmeyourpaddleandslowlystandup.Putyourfootwhere

your knee was. One foot at a time and make sure the nose doesn’t dip up. Then, keep your feet hip

widthapart.Themostimportantthingtorememberisdon’tbalancewithyourentirebody,justyour

hips,anddon’tlookdown.Keepyourheadupandlookingforwardatalltimes.”

DrewdidexactlywhatIsaidandbalancedhimself.

“Good,nowhere’syourpaddle.Makesureyougripthetopandstandtall.Don’tslouch.”

“Likethis?”heasked.

“Yes.Perfect.Nowfollowmeanduseshortstrokes.”

Aswebegantopaddleboardbacktoshore,Ilookedoverandnoticedhewasgoinginthewrong

direction.Ibustedoutintolaughter.

“You’regoingthewrongway!”Ishouted.

“Ican’thelpit.It’smakingme.”

“You’repaddlingwrong.We’regoingtotheleft,soyouwanttopaddleontheright.”

“Oh.Thatmakessense.”Hesmiledasheturnedhisboardaround.

Finally,wemadeitbacktoshore,andIwaspleasantlysurprisedhowDrewmanagedtostayonthe

wholetime.

“Thatwasquiteanadventure.”Hegrinned.

“Yeah.Itsurewas.”

Wereturnedourpaddleboardsandbeganwalkingtowardsthelobbyofthehotel.

“IthinkI’mgoingtohangoutatthepool,”hespoke.“Caretojoinme?”

“I’mgoingtoheadbacktotheroomandchange.There’ssomeoneIhavetogosee.”

“Okay.Youhaveafriendhere?”

“Yeah.He’sanoldfriendthatIvisiteverytimeIcomehere.”

“Youmustvisitalot.”

“EverycoupleofyearssinceIwassixyearsold.IactuallyconsiderHawaiimysecondhome.”

“Nice.Havefunreconnectingwithyourfriend.”

“Thanks.Havefunatthepoolormaybegotakeapaddleboardinglesson.”Iwinked.

HechuckledandIwalkedawayandwentbacktomyroom.

ChapterSeven

Drew

She was so beautiful and she was all I thought about. I know, I was a bastard because I was in

Hawaiiwithmygirlfriend.Butthetruthwas,wehadn’tbeengettingalongthepastcouplemonthsand

I’dwonderedifshewasevenworthitanymore.Afterhavingaslightdisagreementatthepool,Jess

suddenlycamedownwithamigraine.Shewassuccessfullyruiningthistripandithadonlybeenone

day.Wehadbeendatingaboutayearandmyfeelingsforhernevergrewintoanythingmore.Shewas

averyselfishandjealouspersonandIcouldn’tevensmilepolitelyatanotherwomanwithoutbeing

accusedofwantingtosleepwithher.Herinsecuritieshadbeenpushingmeawayforawhilenowand

she knew it. This trip was her idea, and the reason we didn’t fly together was because I had an

emergency business meeting in Seattle that came up unexpectedly, and I needed to be there. So she

tookouroriginalflightoutofNewYorkandIchangedmyflighttoflyoutofSeattle.

AsIsippedonmyMaiTaiatthepool,Icouldn’tgetJillian’ssmileoutofmyhead.Herlaughter

was enough to brighten up anyone’s life. She had touched me in a way that I had never felt before.

Fromthemomentshesteppedontheplane,Ifeltarushofsomething.Icouldn’teventellyouwhatthe

hellitwasbecauseitwassomethingI’dneverexperiencedbefore.

“Hey,”Jessspokeasshesatdownnexttome.

“Hey.Areyoufeelingbetter?”

“Alittle.I’msorryaboutearlier.IknowitwasallmyfaultandIjustwantthistriptobeperfect.

You’vebeensodistantlately.We’vebeendistant.”

“Iknow.”Isighed.

“I’mgoingtotryharder,Drew.Ipromise.Iloveyou,baby,andIwantthingstobegoodbetween

us.”Sheleanedoverandbrushedherlipsagainstmine.

“Okay.Wouldyoulikeadrink?”

Sheranherfingerdownmychest.“Whydon’twegobacktotheroomandmakelove?”

“Areyoufeelinguptoit?”

“Yes,andIknowyou’retheperfectcureforme.”Shesmiled.

****

Jess and I hadn’t had sex in over a month and I wasn’t really bothered by it. With the problems

we’dbeenhavingandallthearguing,Iwasn’tinthemood.Iwouldjustputonsomepornandtake

care of myself. I thought maybe having sex with her now would make me feel something or feel

different, but it didn’t and it didn’t help that I had a problem staying hard. Shit. I never had that

problembeforeanditbotheredme.

“Don’t be upset over it, Drew.” She softly stroked my chest. “I know you’ve been under a lot of

stresslatelywiththecompanyandI’vedonemyfairshareincontributingtothatstress.”

IwantedtotellherthatIdidn’tthinkstresshadanythingtodowithitandthatshewasmorethan

likelythereasonwhy.Actually,Jillianwasthereasonwhy.Icouldn’tstopthinkingaboutherandhow

itwouldfeeltomakelovetoher.ThewholetimeIwasfuckingJess,IwasthinkingaboutJillian,and

it needed to stop. I would never have a chance with her anyway. Not only had she just dumped her

fiancéyesterday,shewasstartingoverandembarkingonaself-discoveryjourneytofindherself.

“I’mnotupsetandyou’reright,I’vebeenunderalotofstresslately,”Ilied.

“Well,we’rejustgoingtohavetodestressyou,andthefirstthingI’mgoingtodotoprovetoyou

thatI’vechangedisI’mgoingtoinvitethatgirl,what’shername?”

“Whatgirl?”

“Theonewholeftherfiancéatthealtar?”

“Jillian?”

“Yes,I’mgoingtoinviteJilliantohavedinnerwithusbeforeweleave.”

Shit.Thatwasnotagoodidea.

“Youdon’thavetodothat,Jess.Thisvacationisforthetwoofus.”

“Don’tbesilly.Iwantto.Sheseemslikeanicegirlandshe’sherealone.Ikindoffeelsorryfor

her.I’msureshe’stornupbywhatshedidandshecouldusesomecompany.”

****

Jillian

IrentedacaranddrovetoAno’shouse.IsmiledasIpulledupandsawhisfamilysittingonthe

front porch. His wife, three kids, aunt, sister, and brother in-law. They were a tight-knit family and

they all lived in the same house. Stepping out of the car, I walked up to the porch, and his wife,

Lonnie,gotupfromherchairandhuggedme.

“You’reback.”Shesmiled.“Lookatyou.It’sbeenwhat?Twoyearssinceyouwereherelast.”

“Yeah.”Ihuggedhertightly.

“I’llgogetAno.He’llbesosurprised.”

Asshewentinsidetogetherhusband,Isaidhellotoallhisfamilymembers.WhenAnoopened

thecreakystormdoor,hestoppedwhenhesawme.

“Jillian.”Heheldouthisarms.

“Hi,Ano.”

“It’sgoodtoseeyouagain,girl.What’sbeengoingoninthathumdrumlifeofyours?”

Itookinadeepbreath.“Iwassupposedtogetmarriedyesterday.”

Anolookedatmeandcockedhishead.“Andyoubailed,didn’tyou?”

“Yep.Isuredid.”

“Good for you. You know I never liked that little weasel. Come inside and I’ll make us some

herbaltea.”

“I’llmakeit,dear,”Lonniespoke.“Thetwoofyougositdownandtalk.”

Heledmeoutthepatiodoor,andwetookseatsintheloungechairsthatfacedthewater.

“So,youfinallydecideditwastimetogofindyourself.”

“Yeah.Prettymuch.IjustwalkedawayfromtheonlylifeI’deverknown.”

“Howdoesitfeel?”

“Itfeelsgreat,butalsoalittlescary.”

“Areyouquestioningyourselfforleaving?”

“No.I’veneverbeensosureofanythinginmylife.”

“Good.It’llmakeyourjourneyalittleeasier.ButIwillwarnyou,Jillian,inordertocontinueon

with your journey, you need to become fearless of what you may discover and how your life will

change.”

“Iknow.Iunderstandthat.”Ilookeddown.

“Whatyoufindoutaboutyourselfwillbewithyouforeverandtherewillbenoescapingit.”

“Hereyouare,”Lonniespokeasshehandedusourtea.

“Thankyou,Lonnie.”Ismiled.

“Thankyou,mylove.”Anotookholdofhiswife’shandandkissedit.

TheyhadthekindofrelationshipthatI’dalwaysdreamedof.EverytimeIvisitedthemgrowing

up,theirbondseemedstronger.Theyhadthekindoflovethatwasrare.Unlikemyparents,whowere

ateachother ’sthroats24/7.

“Youtwoarereallysomethingspecial.”IsmiledatAno.

He reached over and placed his hand on mine. “You, my friend, will have a love like ours

someday.”

“Ihopeso.”Asmallsmilecrossedmylips.

“Youwill.You’reabeautifulwomanwithabeautifulsoul.Iwantyoutorememberonething.”

“What’sthat?”

“Yourjourneywon’tbecompleteuntilyoumakepeacewiththosewholoveyou.”

“Icannevergobackthere,Ano.”Ilookedatthewater.

“Youcanandyouwill.Yousaythatnow,butonceyougetfurtheralongandbecomemoreaware

ofwhoyoutrulyare,you’llknowit’stherightthingtodo.You’vecomealongwaysincethedayI

foundyouhidinginthatcavewhenyouwerejusttenyearsold,butthistime,I’mnotconvincingyou

togoback.That’ssomethingyouneedtodoonyourownandonyourownterms.You’llknowwhen

thetimeisright.Sometimesyouneedtogetlosttobefound.”

Afterhavingdinnerwiththefamily,itwastimeformetoheadbacktothehotel.AsIwasinmy

suite,pouringaglassofwine,therewasaknockonthedoor.WhenIopenedit,Iwassurprisedtosee

Drewstandingthere.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”Hesmiled.

“Comeonin.”

Assoonashesteppedthroughthedoor,Ilookeddownthehall.

“Whatareyoudoing?”heasked.

“Where’sJess?”

“She’supintheroom.IsawyoucomebacktothehotelandIwantedtotalktoyouforaminute.”

“Oh.Okay.What’sup?Doyouwantsomewine?”IaskedasIpickedupmyglass.

“No,thankyou.IfbychanceyourunintomeandJess,couldyoupleasenotmentionthatweran

intoeachothertodayandthewholepaddleboardthing?”

“Why?”Iaskedwithatwistedface.

Drewplacedhishandsinhispockets.“She’saveryjealouspersonandshewouldtakeitthewrong

way.”

“Sure.Iwon’tmentionit.”

“Thanks.Iappreciateit.”

“Noproblem.”Igrinned.

Removinghishandfromhispocket,herubbedthebackofhisneck.

“Ishouldgetgoing.”

“Enjoytherestofyourevening,”Ispoke.

“Youtoo.”Walkingtothedoor,hestoppedandturnedaround.“Didyouhaveanicevisitwithyour

friend?”

“Idid.Thanksforasking.”

Hegavemeasmallsmileasheopenedthedoorandwalkedout.Istoodthere,bitingdownonmy

bottomlip.Heseemedstressed.MaybeIwasimagingthings.No.Hehadastressedlookonhisface

anditmademewonderwhatwasgoingon.

ChapterEight

Jillian

I took the elevator down to the restaurant to have breakfast before I started my day. I felt great

today.Isleptlikeababyallnightforthefirsttimeinyears.Asthehostesswastakingmetomytable,

IsawDrewandJess.Ipretendednottonoticethem,butshecalledmeoutasIwalkedby.

“Jillian.”

Istoppedandplasteredonmyperfectedsmile.“Goodmorning,”Ispoke.

“Goodmorning.”Drewgaveasmallsmile.

“Doyouhavedinnerplansfortonight?”Jessasked.

Shit.Really?OhGod,no.Istartedtofumblewithmywordsandjustthoughttohellwithit.She’d

knowIwaslying.

“No.Actually,Idon’t.”

“Excellent. Drew and I would love for you to join us. Right, baby?” she asked as she placed her

handonhis.

“Sure.”Helookeddown.

“Iwouldhatetoimposeonyourvacation,”Ispoke.

“Youwouldn’tbeimposingatall.IfIthoughtthat,Iwouldn’thaveasked.So,yes?”

“Yes.Thatwouldbenice.Thankyou.”

“Great. I’ll have Drew make reservations and then we’ll pick you up at your room, say around

seveno’clock?”

“Sevensoundsgood.”

“Whichroomareyouin?”sheaskedasshecockedherhead.

“ThePresidentialSuiteontheninthfloor.”

“Perfect.We’llseeyouatseven.”

“Enjoyyourday.”IsmiledasIwalkedaway.

My mind went back to what Drew said to me last night about her being a jealous person. Why

wouldsheinvitemetohavedinnerwiththem?SheknewDrewandImetontheplaneandIcouldtell

by her reaction when we first met that she instantly hated me. Why the sudden change of heart? I

sighedasIsippedmycoffee.NowthatIthoughtmoreaboutit,DrewneverlookedhappywhenIsaw

thetwoofthemtogether,anditwaslikehewasadifferentpersonwhenhewaswithher.Itwasalmost

asifhewasadifferentmanthantheoneImetontheplaneandpaddleboardedwithyesterday.

WhenIheadedouttotheprivateboatIrented,Junowastheretogreetme.

“It’snicetoseeyouagain,Jillian.”Hesmiledashehuggedme.

“It’sgoodtoseeyoutoo.”

“Areyoualonethistrip?”

“Yeah.I’vedecidedtoembarkonajourneyofself-discovery.”

“Self-discoveryisgood.”Hesmiledashehandedmesomescubagear.“Andwhatbetterwayto

getintouchwithyourselfthantoswimwiththedolphins?I’mgoingtotakeyoutoaspecialplacenot

manyofustakevisitors.Butforyou,I’lltakeyouthere.”

Junostartedtheboatandtookmetoacove.AsIstoodthere,lookingoverthesideoftheboat,I

saw a group of dolphins swimming around the crystal clear, aqua blue water. I would never grow

tired of this. I’d been swimming with the dolphins for years and loved every minute of it, but this

time,itwouldbeadifferentexperienceforme.

“Theretheyare.They’rewaitingforyoutoplaywiththem,Jillian.”Junosmiled.

AssoonasIclimbedintothewater,agroupofdolphinsswamuptomeasmyhandsskimmedthe

topofthewater.I’dlearnedovertheyearshowtoplaywiththembyswimmingaroundinacircle.

Suddenly,theystartedtoswimawayandthencircledback,withoneofthembrushinghisnoseagainst

mybodyasiftotellmetofollowthem.Divingdownintothewater,Ifollowedthemoutafewfeet

andfoundmyselfinpurebliss.Theywereinaplayfulmood.Somewerespinningaroundmewhile

otherswerejumpingoutofthewater.Theywelcomedmeintotheiroceanicplayground.Theykepta

closeeyeonmeasiftheyknewwhatIwasgoingthroughandeveryemotionthatfloodedmymind.I

foundmyselfinthepresenceofjoyandpeacefulness.Iwassuddenlyfacetofacewithonedolphinas

hewasmeremillimetersfromme.Islowlybroughtupmyhandsandplacedthemoneachsideofhis

nose.AsIstaredintohiseyes,Ibecameawareofthismoment.AsifIsuddenlywokeupfromalife

thathadonlybeenadream.Isawfreedomandfearlessness.Hisclickingbecamemorepronounced

andtheotherdolphinsswamovertome.Ifoundmyselfencircledbythem,andasIlookedaround

intoeachoftheireyes,Ifeltanabundanceofloveandstrength.

Returningtothesurfaceofthewater,Iplayedwiththemforawhilelongerandthenclimbedback

intotheboat.

“Magical,wasn’tit?”Junosmiled.

“Beyondmagical,Juno.”

AsIstaredoverthesideoftheboatonelasttimebeforeJunotookmeback,thedolphinsjumped

upoutofthewaterandspunaround.TwoofthemcametothesideoftheboatandstaredupatmeasI

ranmyhandalongtheirnoses.

“Thankyou,”Ispoketothem.

Turningaroundanddivingbackintothewater,theydisappeared,butthefeelingthatIgotfromour

timetogetherneverwould.

****

Passingbyoneoftheshopsinthehotel,adressinthewindowcaughtmyeye.Itwasastrapless,

redfloralprintwraparoundthatwouldbeperfectfordinnertonightwithDrewandJess.Walkinginto

theshop,IaskedthesaleswomanifIcouldseeit.

“Whatsizeareyou?”sheasked.

“Size4.”

Shesmiledasshetookthedressoffthemannequinandhandedittome.

“Perfect.It’syoursizeandtheonlyonewegotin.Iwouldsaythatyouaremeanttowearit.Would

youliketotryiton?”

“Yes.Please.”

AsIstoodandstaredatmyselfinthefull-lengthmirror,Iranmyhandsdownmysides.Thedress

fit perfectly and I was in love with it. After making my purchase, I headed back up to my suite,

showered,andgotreadyfordinner,whichsomehowIfeltwasgoingtobeawkwardatitsbest.

JustasIputthefinaltouchesonmymakeup,therewasaknockatthedoor.Mybellystartedtodo

tinyflipsandIwasn’tsurewhy.Ihadnothingtobenervousabout.Iwasjusthavingdinnerwithaman

Imetontheplaneandhisgirlfriend.Openingthedoor,myeyesinstantlydivertedtheirattentionto

Drew.Goodlord,washehot.Anumberofthingstookoverme,onebeingtheachebetweenmylegs

andthethoughtofhowIneededtotakecareofthatlater.

“Lovethatdress,”Jessspokeasshelookedmeupanddown.

“Thankyou.Youlooksopretty.”Ismiled.

“Thanks.Areyouready?Thecariswaitingforusdownstairs.”

“Hello,Jillian.”Drewnodded.

“Hi.”Igaveasmallandcarefulsmileasnottoupsetthegirlfriend.

Igrabbedmypurseandweheadedoutofthehotel.

****

Drew

My heart picked up the pace the minute Jillian opened the door. My God, she was so beautiful. I

loved the way her long brown, blonde-highlighted hair with the subtle waves swept over her

shoulders.Herlipswerestainedinaperfectredcolorthatmatchedherdress,whichhuggedherbody

inalltherightplaces.JessandIhadhadasmallargumentbeforeleavingtheroom.Itwasn’tanything

major,justhercomplainingthatshefeltIwasn’tbeingromanticonthistrip,anditwasenoughtoset

meofffortherestofthenight.Icouldn’ttakemyeyesoffJillianandIneededtobecarefulbecause

mycockwasbeinguncooperative.

As soon as we were seated at a cabana table at Azure, I ordered a double scotch. I was going to

needittogetthroughthisnightwithawomanofwhomIhadalreadyhadenoughandawomanfor

whomIwasprettysureIwasfallingheadoverheelsfor.Fuckmylife.

“Aren’tyougoingtoorderusabottleofchampagne,Drew?”Jessaskedwithaslightattitude.

“Ifyouwantabottleofchampagne,thenIwillorderone.”

“I’mfinewithmyfruitydrink.”Jillianhelduphercocktailglasswithasmile.

Thatsmile.Itwassomethingthattookmybreathawayeverytimeshedidit.

Whenthewaitresscamebacktoourtable,shetookourorder,andIaskedhertobringabottleof

theirfinestchampagne,justtoshutJessup.IwasfinewithmyscotchandJillianwashappywithher

fruitycocktail.

“Howwasyourday?”Jessaskedher.

“Itwaswonderful.Iswamwiththedolphins.”

“Oh.Youactuallygotinthewaterwiththosecreatures?Icouldnever.”

“Itwasalotoffun.”

“They’resoslimy.”Jessshuddered.

Jilliancasuallypickedupherdrinkandtookasipwithoutresponding.

“Ithinkswimmingwiththedolphinssoundslikefun.”IsmiledatJillian.

“Youwould,Drew.Idon’tthinkIwouldallowyoutosleepinmybedafterbeinginthewaterwith

thosethings.”

Rollingmyeyes,Ithoughttomyself,IthinkI’llgotomorrow.

ChapterNine

Jillian

IwasstartingtounderstandtheunhappinessthatradiatedfromDrewwhenhewaswithJess.She

wasdefinitelyapieceofwork.SheremindedmeofGrantandthatwasnotagoodthing.

“So,Jillian,whatmadeyoudecidetoleaveyourfiancéstandingatthealtar?”sheasked.

“Don’tyouthinkthat’salittlepersonal?”Drewinterjected.

“No.Shetoldyouthatshedidit,soIwasjustwonderingwhy.”

Sittingthere,Iwasfeelinguncomfortableaboutherquestion,butIwasn’tgoingtolethergetto

me.Ifshewantedtoknow,thenIwouldtellher.

“Iwasn’tinlovewithhim.”

“Fairenough.Butdidn’tyouknowthatbeforethewedding?”

Iwasn’tabouttogetintomywholelifestorywiththisbitchIdidn’tevenknow.

“Ihadmydoubts,butwhenIfoundoutthathesleptwithtwostrippersathisbachelorparty,that

sealedthedeal,”Ilied.

“Ohyoupoorthing.Iwouldn’thavelefthimatthealtar.Iwouldhavecastratedhimfirstandthen

left him.” She reached over and placed her arm around Drew. “That’s something I never have to

worryaboutwithDrew.Right,baby?”Sheleanedoverandkissedhischeek.

Henoddedhisheadashegulpeddowntherestofhisscotchandthewaitressquicklybroughthim

another.

“Whatdoyoudoforaliving?”Iaskedher.

“I’mabuyerforNeimanMarcus.Andyou?”

“IjustgraduatedfromYaleLaw.”

Herbrowraisedand,suddenly,Ibecameathreat.

“Wow.Impressive.Ineverwouldhavetakenyouforthelawyertype.”

Herandmeboth.

“Howlonghavethetwoofyoubeentogether?”Iasked.

“About a year now.” She smiled. “A wonderful and beautiful year. Isn’t that right, baby?” She

smiled.

Drewraisedhisbrowsashetookanothersipofhisdrink.ItwastakingeverythingIhadtoholdin

thelaughterthatsodesperatelywantedtocomeout.Thingswerestartingtobecomeveryclearnow.

Sheinvitedmetohavedinnerwiththemsoshecouldtellmehowhappytheywereandtodiscreetly

tellmetostayaway.

“That’sgreat.I’minaman-freezoneandIcouldn’tbehappier.”Ismiled.

“Really?”sheaskedwithatwistedface.

“Yes.I’monajourneyofself-discoveryandIhaveridmenfrommylife.Noexceptions.”

“Forever?”

“No.Notforever.ButIdon’thaveanyplanstobeinvolvedwithamaninthenearfuture.Ineedto

findmyselffirst.”

Allofasudden,herattitudechangedtowardsme.

“Thatiswonderful,Jillian.Youareveryinspiring.IfIdidn’talreadyknowwhoIwas,I’dgoona

littlejourneymyself.”Shewinkedasshesippedherchampagne.“Ifyou’llexcuseme,Ineedtouse

thelittlegirls’room.”

Assoonassheleft,Drewlookedatmeandstartedshakinghishead.

“I’m sorry about her asking you about your fiancé. Sometimes she has no filter or regard for

otherpeople’sfeelings.Actually,makethatallthetime.”Hesmiled.

“Nobigdeal.”Iwavedmyhandinfrontofmyface.

“Well,justsoyouknow,itwasabigdealtome.”

“SowhatdidyoutwotalkaboutwhenIwasgone?”Jessaskedasshesatdown.

“IwasjustaskingJillianaboutthedolphins,”Drewreplied.

“Areyoustillonthat,baby?Wearen’tgoingtoswimwiththem.”

Drewsighedandpickeduphisdrink.Icouldtellhewasgettingveryangrybythewayheclenched

hisjaw.Afterfinishingourdinnerandhavingalightconversation,itwasgettinglate,soweheaded

backtothehotel.

“Thankyouagainforinvitingmetodinner.Ihadanicetime.”Ismiledatbothofthem.

“Thankyouforjoiningus,”Drewspoke.

“Yes.Wemustdothisagainonourlastnighthere,”Jesssaid.

“I’mlookingforwardtoit.Haveanicenight.”IsmiledasIsteppedofftheelevator.

****

Drew

AfewdayshadpassedandJessandIweren’tgettingalongatall.Everythingthatcameoutofher

mouth annoyed me. All she did was whine and complain about everything. Mostly about me. After

doingsomeshopping,shehuffedandpuffedallthewaybacktothehotelbecauseIwouldn’tbuyhera

braceletshewanted.

“Youhaven’tboughtmeonesinglethingsincewegothere,”shespokeinaharshtone.

IcouldfeelmybloodboilingasIopenedthedoortothesuite.

“WhataboutallthemealsI’veboughtyou?”Iyelled.“Theplanetickets,thissuite,thebottlesof

champagneyouhadtohaveeverynight,andtheticketsforeverythingyouwantedtodo!”

“Don’t you dare take that tone with me, Drew. All I want is for you to buy me something nice.

That’swhatboyfriendsaresupposedtodo.Whenyoulovesomeone,youbuythemnicethings.Isthat

somuchtoask?”

TheragethathadbeencontainedinsidemebegantoeruptandIcouldn’ttakeitanymore.Justthe

meresoundofhervoicesentmeovertheedge.

“IDON’TLOVEYOU!”Ishouted.“Ican’tdothisanymore,Jess.”

“What?”Tearsstartedtofillhereyes.

“I’msorry,butit’soverbetweenus,”Isoftlyspoke.

“Don’tsaythat,baby.Youdon’tmeanit,”shebegged.

“YesIdo.It’sbeenoverforawhilenow.Wehaven’tbeengettingalongandeverything’salways

myfault.I’vehadenough.”

Thetearsbegantostreamdownherfaceand,sadly,Ididn’tgiveadamn.Shehadpushedmeway

toofar.

“Youheartlessbastard.Howcouldyoudothistome?Iloveyou,yousonofabitch.”Shegrabbed

holdofmyarm.

Jerking it away, I looked into her eyes. “Of course it’s my fault this happened. Well, let me give

youawake-upcall,darling.Youareawhiney,jealous,self-righteous,selfish,stuck-upbitch,andgod

helpthenextmanthatcrossesyourpath.”

Sheraisedherhandandslappedmeacrosstheface.“Howdareyouspeaktomelikethat.”

Iheldmyfacetotryandsoothethestingoftheburn.“Packyourstuffandleave,”IshoutedasI

pulledoutmyphone.“There’safouro’clockflightbacktoNewYorkandyouneedtobeonit.”

“I’mnotgoinganywhere.Youleave.You’retheonewhobrokeupwithme,youfuckingasshole,”

shescreamed.

Iwalkedintothebedroomandthrewhersuitcaseonthebed.AsIwasgrabbingherclothesfrom

thedrawers,shegrabbedmyarm.

“Stopit!”shescreamed.

Jerkingawayfromher,Iwentintothebathroom,collectedherthings,andthrewthemintoherbag.

“Thisismyroom,thatIpaidfor.I’mnotgoinganywhere.NowgetoutbeforeIcallsecurityand

haveyouthrownout!”IyelledasIpointedtothedoor.

“You’llregretthis,DrewWestbrook!”

Igrabbedhersuitcaseandcarry-onbag,openedthedoor,andsettheminthehallway.

“TheonlythingIregretisnotdoingthissooner.”

Assoonasshesteppedoutofthesuite,Islammedthedoor.

****

Jillian

IhadagreattimewithAnoandLonnieattheluautheyinvitedmeto,andbytimeIgotbacktothe

hotel,itwaseleveno’clock.WhenIapproachedtheelevators,therewasasignthattheywereoutof

order.

“I’msorry,miss.You’llhavetousetheelevatorsaroundthecornerandacrossfromthebar.

“Okay,thankyou.”

As I walked around the corner, I pushed the button and waited for the elevator to come down.

WhileIwaswaiting,IglancedacrossatthebarthatwasfilledwithpeopleandnoticedDrewsittingon

oneofthebarstools.Ihadn’tseenhimorJessthepastcoupleofdays,soIthoughtI’dstopoverand

sayhi.

“Hey,”IspokeasIwalkeduptohim.

“JillianBell.CanIbuyyouadrink?”heslurred.

“Nothanks.”Inarrowedmyeyeathim.“Where’sJess?”

“Ibrokeitoffwithherandsentherhome.”Hekickedbackhisdrink,finishingitoff.

“I’msorrytohearthat.”Ididn’tknowwhattosayandIwasshocked.

“Don’tbe.I’mnot.Ishouldhavedoneitalongtimeago.Bartender?”Hehelduphisfinger.

“Noyoudon’t.Ithinkyou’vehadenoughtodrink.Comeon.”Igrabbedholdofhisarm.“Let’sget

youbacktoyourroom.”

Hedidn’tresistasIhookedhisarmaroundmyneckandtookhimuptohissuite.

“Where’syourkeycard?”IaskedasIproppedhimupagainstthewall.

Hereachedinhispocket.“IthinkIleftitintheroom,”heslurred.

“Areyousure?”

“It’snotinmypockets.”

“Okay.Comeon,backontheelevator.”IsighedasIhookedhisarmaroundmyneck.

“Wherearewegoing?”Hestumbledandalmostfell.

“TomyroomsoIcancallthefrontdeskandgetyouanotherkey.”

Stumbling down the hallway, I propped Drew up so I could get the key from my purse. The

momentIletgoofhim,hesliddownthewallandtotheground.

“Ugh.Comeon,bigguy.”Ihelpedhimbackupandtookhimtothebedroom.

“Wehavesomethingincommon,”hespoke.“SomethingIthinkyoushouldknow.”

“Ohyeah.What’sthat?”IaskedasIhelpedhimontothebed.

“Webothleftsomeonestandingatthealtar.”

DidIjusthearhimright?

“What?”IfrownedasIstareddownathim.

“Ileftmyfiancéeatthealtarjustlikeyoudid.”Herolledover.

Iknewtryingtofindoutmorewasgoingtobeimpossibleintheconditionhewasin.Heprobably

wouldn’t even remember that he told me in the morning. Picking up the phone on the nightstand, I

dialedthefrontdesk.

“Frontdesk,howmayIhelpyou.”

LookingatDrew,Isawthathehadfallensoundasleep.

“I’msorry.I’vechangedmymind.”Ihungup.

Therewasnouseintryingtogethimbacktohisroom.He’dmostlikelybeouttherestofnight

anyway.Afterremovinghisshoesandsocks,Icoveredhimwithablanket.Grabbingmynightshirt,I

took it to the second bedroom, slipped into it, and climbed into bed. Why didn’t he tell me that he

could relate after I told him about Grant? And this whole thing with Jess. Wow. I could tell he was

unhappy,soIwasnottotallysurprised.Somethingreallybadmusthavehappenedforhimtodoiton

vacationandsendherhome.Whichledmetoanotherquestion.Wherewashomeforhim?Ineverdid

ask.

ChapterTen

Drew

MyheadfeltlikesomeonehadtakenahammertoitasIstruggledtoopenmyeyes.WherewasI?

Thiswasn’tmyroom.Shit.Iplacedmyhandonmyforehead.Iwasfullyclothedexceptmyshoesand

sockswereoff.Slowlyclimbingoutofbed,IwalkedintothelivingareaofthesuiteandsawJillian

sittingatthetable.

“Uh,hey,”IspokeasIrubbedthebackofmyneck.

“Goodmorning.”Shesmiledbrightly.“Howareyoufeeling?”

“Likeshit.Um,howdidIenduphere?”IaskedasIwalkedovertothetableandtookaseat.

“Youdon’tremember?”

“No.Idon’t.”

“IsawyouatthebarlastnightandIhelpedyoutoyourroom,butwhenwegotthere,youdidn’t

haveyourkey,soIbroughtyoubackhere.Iwasgoingtocallthefrontdesktohavethembringan

extrakey,buttheminuteyouhitthebed,youwereout.So,Ijustletyousleep.”

“Andwheredidyousleep?”

“Intheotherbedroom.”

Suddenly,therewasknockonthedoor.

“Areyouexpectingsomeone?”Iasked.

“Roomservice.Iorderedusbreakfast.Ifiguredyou’dneedsomecoffeetheminuteyouwokeup.”

“Thanks.Iappreciateit.”

“Icantakeitfromhere,”Jillianspokeasshewheeledtherollingcartovertothetable.

Shepickedupthepotofcoffeeandpouredsomeintoacup.

“Here.Drinkaway.”Shesmiled.

“I’m sorry about last night. Thank you for taking care of me, but you should have just left my

dumbassdownthere.”

“Why?Anddon’tbesorry.Ithappenstoallofus.I’msorryaboutJess.Doyouwanttotalkabout

it?”sheaskedassheremovedthesilverlidsfromtheplates.

“No. Not really.” I took a sip of coffee. “I’d had enough. It was something I should have done

monthsago.”

“Ifyouweresounhappy,whydidn’tyou?”sheaskedinnocently.

Icockedmyheadandraisedmybrow.“Really?”

Sheheldupherfingerandsmirked.“Right.”

IgaveherasmallsmileasIcontinuedtodrinkmycoffeeandattemptedtoeatsomeeggs.WhenI

finishedeatingandfinishedupmythirdcupofcoffee,Igotupfrommyseat.

“Thankyouforlettingmecrashherelastnightandthankyouforbreakfast.Ibetterheadbackto

myroomandshower.Istillreekofalcohol.”

“Yeah,youdo.”Shewrinkledhernose.

Ichuckled.“IguessI’mgoingtohavetogodowntothefrontdeskandgetanotherkey.”

“Don’tforgetyourshoesandsocks.”Shesmiled.

“Ah,yes.Imustn’tforgetthose.”

Walkingintothebedroom,Iputonmysocksandshoesandthenheadedtowardsthedoor.

“Enjoyyourday,Jillian,”Ispokebeforeheadingout.

“Youtoo,Drew.”

Aftergettinganewkeytothesuite,Isteppedintotheshowerandletthehotwaterstreamdownmy

body. I couldn’t believe I got so drunk last night. That wasn’t my intention. All I could think about

whileIwasatthebarwasJillianandhowmuchIreallylikedher.Theconversationfromdinnerthe

othernightkeptplayingoverandoverinmymindandhowshetoldusthatshehadridmenfromher

life.NowthatIwassingle,therewouldbenowayIcouldhaveachancewithher.Shemadeitvery

clear that she was living in a man-free zone and that was something I would respect. I didn’t even

knowwherehernextdestinationwasafterHawaiiandthethoughtofhertravelingalonebotheredme.

Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around my waist, checked my phone, and noticed

thereweresixtextmessagesfromJess.

“Howcouldyoudothistous?”

“Iloveyou.I’msorry.”

“IpromiseI’llchange.Pleasegivemeanotherchance.”

“Please,Drew.”

“Iforgiveyouforthethingsyousaidtome.”

“Iloveyou.Please.”

Sighing, I pulled up her contact info and blocked her. I had a feeling she was going to be a

problemwhenIgotbacktoNewYork.ThankGodIneverletherkeepanyofherthingsatmyplace.

****

Jillian

Therewasapartofmethatcouldn’tstopthinkingaboutDrew.Ihadgottentheimpressionhedid

everythingJesswantedtodoandnothinghewantedto.Hemadeacommentatdinnertheothernight

aboutswimmingwiththedolphinsandIcouldtellthathereallywantedtodoit,soIhadathought.

Changingintomybikiniandthrowingmyhairupinaponytail,Islippedonmycover-upandwentup

toDrew’ssuite.

“Hey.”Hesmiledasheopenedthedoor.“Comeonin.”

Igotupclosetohimandtookawhiffofhisbody.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Helaughed.

“Makingsureyousmellcleanandfreeofalcohol.”

“DidIpass?”

“Yep.Withflyingcolors.”Ismiled.“Anyway,goputonyourswimtrunks.”

“Why?”Henarrowedhiseye.

“Becausewe’regoingtogoswimwiththedolphins.”

“Seriously?”Hisgringrewwide.

“Seriously.NowgetamoveonbecauseJunoiswaitingforus.”

“Who’sJuno?”IaskedasIwalkedtothebedroom.

“Ourcaptain.”

WehoppedintomyrentalcarandIdroveustowhereJunowaswaitingforuswithhisboat.

“Whyareyoudoingthis?”Drewasked.

“Doingwhat?”

“Takingmetoswimwiththedolphins.”

“Ikindofgottheimpressionthatsinceyou’vebeenhere,youhavedoneeverythingJesswantedto

doandnothingyouwantedto.Atdinnertheothernight,youseemedreallyinterestedinswimming

withthedolphinsandshejustkindofdismissedyou.SoIthoughtyoushouldgetthechancetodoit

whileyou’rehere.”Ilookedoverathim.

“That’sreallyniceofyou.Again,thankyou.”Heplacedhishandonmyarm,andsuddenly,Ifelt

likeIcouldn’tbreathe.

“Justpayingitforwardandmakingyourshittytimeherealittlelessshitty.”Igrinned.

“Iappreciateit.”Helaughed.

****

Drew

Swimmingwiththedolphinswasthehighlightofmyentiretrip.Ihadneverexperiencedanything

likeitorthesenseofpeacethatinhabitedme.Whenwewerefinished,weheadedbacktothehotel.

“Thatwas—”

“Magical?”Jilliansmiledassheglancedoveratme.

“Yes.Verymagical.Listen,Iwasthinking.Iwanttothankyouforsuchagreatday,soIwashoping

you’dagreetohavedinnertonight.”

“Youdon’thavetotakemetodinner,Drew.”

“IknowIdon’t.Iwantto.”Ismiled.“I’mleavingtomorrowmorning,soIthoughtonelastdinner

wouldbenice.”

The grin on her face widened. “Okay. Dinner it is. Just give me some time to shower and get

ready.”

“HowaboutIpickyouupatsixo’clock?”

“Sixwillbegood.”

Walkingintomysuite,Iheadedtothebathroomandturnedonthewaterforashower.Spending

thedaywithherwasamazingandthethingsI’dfeltforherbeforeonlyintensified.Beingwithher

andinherpresencemademeahappyman.Ihadn’tfeltthiswayinaverylongtime,ifever.Leaving

tomorrowmorningwasgoingtobehardbecauseI’dprobablyneverseeheragain.Itdidn’tmatter

anyway; she was on a journey to find herself and I wasn’t going to stand in the way of that. For

tonight,Iwouldenjoythenextfewhoursspentwithherandthentomorrow,itwasbacktorealitywith

onlythememoryofagirlImetonaplanewhoenrichedmylifeinsuchashortperiodoftime.

ChapterEleven

Jillian

Steppingoutoftheshowerandslippingintomyrobe,IfacetimedKellan.

“Hey,you.How’sitgoinginHawaii?”

“It’sgreat.Howareyou?”IaskedasIstartedtoputonmymakeup.

“I’mgood.Nocomplaints.Areyougoingsomewhere?”

“Yeah.”IsmiledasIlookedatmyphone.“I’mhavingdinnerwithDrew.”

“You’rehavingdinnerwiththeguyfromtheplaneandhisgirlfriend?”

“Nope.Justhim.Hebrokeupwithherandkickedherout.”

“JillyBean,Ithoughtyouwereinaman-freezone?”

“Iam.It’sagoodbyedinner.He’sleavingtomorrowandsoamI.Nobigdeal.”

“HebrokeupwithherinHawaii?Wow.”

“Iknow,buthewasveryunhappy.Shewaskindofabitch.”

“So let me get this straight. He broke up with his girlfriend, while on vacation, may I add, you

brokeitoffwithGrant,andnowthetwoofyouaresingleandhavingdinnertogether.Soundslikea

reboundtome.”

“Ugh,Kellan.It’sdinner.It’snotlikeI’msleepingwithhim.He’smyfriend.”

“Wheredoeshelive?”

“Idon’tknow.Ineverasked.”

“Why?Don’tfriendsusuallyaskeachotherwheretheylive?”

“Doesitmatter?It’snotlikeI’lleverseehimagain.”

“True.”

“I’mhangingupnow,Kel.I’llcallyouwhenIgettoNewYork.”

“Soundsgood,Bean.HaveagoodnightwithAirplaneGuyandhaveasafeflight.”

“Thanks.I’lltalktoyousoon.”

After ending the call, I blow dried my hair, sprayed it, and slipped into a long black floral print

maxidress.ThetruthwasthatIfeltsomethingforDrew.Hewasanamazingmanwithagoodheart.

He was also a man that I could see myself falling madly in love with. Meeting him couldn’t have

happenedataworsetime.

AsIslippedonmyshoes,therewasaknockatthedoor.WhenIopenedit,IswallowedhardwhenI

sawDrew,faceofthegods,standingthereinhiskhaki-coloredcasualpantsandawhitebutton-down

shirtwiththesleevesrolledup.Shit.Myladypartswereonfire.

“Hithere.”Ismiled.

“Youlookgorgeous.”Hewinked.

“Thanks.You’relookingprettyhotyourselfthere,Mr.Westbrook.”

“Areyoureadytogo?”Heheldouthisarm.

“Iam.”IsmiledasIhookedmyarmaroundhis.

WeclimbedintomyrentalcarandDrewdroveustoaplacecalledHauTreeLanaiwherewewere

seatedoutsidebeneathanarchingHautreebytheoceanandheorderedusabottleofwine.

“Tellmemoreaboutyou,”hespoke.

“Well,IgrewupverywealthywithparentswhocontrolledeverythingIdid,rightdowntothefood

Iputinmymouth.Theytriedtomoldmeintotheperfectdaughter.Icouldhavenoflaws.Afterso

many years of molding, I became exactly who they wanted me to be. I wasn’t allowed to make any

decisionsformyselfandthatiswhyIdon’tknowwhoIam.”Ipickedupmyglassandtookasipof

wine.

“I’msorry.Icouldn’timaginegrowinguplikethat.”

“Sotellmeaboutyourparents.”IsmiledasIsetmyglassdown.

“Mydadwasaconstructionworkeruntilhegotinjuredonthejobandhadtogoondisability,and

mymomisanurse.Thingsweretightgrowingup,butIhadeverythingIneeded.Myparentsaregreat

peopleandwe’reveryclose.”

I gave him a small smile. “That’s how a family should be. So how did you get the funds to start

yourowntechnologycompany?”

“I’dalwaysbeeninterestedintechnologysinceIcouldremember.YoucouldsayIwasabitofa

geek.”Hesmirked.“Youknowthe‘Cloud’?”

“Yeah.”Inarrowedmyeyeathim.

“IdevelopeditwhenIstudiedatMIT.”

“SHUTUP!”IexclaimedasIslightlyleanedacrossthetable.

Drewchuckled.“It’strue.Idevelopeditandsolditforafucktonofmoney.Ipaidoffallofmy

parent’s debt, bought them a new house, made a nice deposit in their bank account, and opened my

owncompany.”

“Howoldwereyou?”

“Twenty when I sold Cloud and twenty-one when I opened the doors to Westbrook Technology,

Inc.”

“DidyougraduatefromMIT?”Iasked.

“Yes.IgraduatedwhenIwastwenty-one.Igraduatedhighschoolearlierthanmostkids.”

“Soyou’reagenius?”Ismiled.

“Nah,notreally.I’mjustsmart,Iguess.”

“Ohplease.You’reafreakinggeniusanddon’tbeashamedtoadmitit.”Iheldupmyglasstohim.

“Touché,MissBell.IwouldsaythesameaboutyougraduatingtopinyourclassatYaleLaw.”His

glasstouchedmine.

IgavehimasmallsmileasItookasip.TheonethingthatIwasdyingtoknowabouthimwaswhy

he left his fiancée. It was so bizarre to me that I met someone who did the same thing I had done.

ShouldIaskhim?Woulditbetoopersonal?ItoldhimaboutwhyIdiditsoIthoughtthatitwasonly

fairhetoldme.

“IhavesomethingIwanttoaskyou,andtobehonest,it’sbeenbotheringme.”

“Whatisit?”Hecockedhishead.

“Just before you passed out last night, you told me that we had something in common. You said

thatyouleftyourfiancéeonyourweddingday.”

Heleanedbackinhischairashiseyesburnedintomine.

“Itoldyouthat,eh?”

“Yeah. You did.” I nodded. “I just wondered why. I mean, you can tell me that it’s none of my

business,butremember,Ispilledmygutstoyou.”

“True.”Hetookinadeepbreath.“Ididleavemyfiancéeonourweddingday.IhadjustsoldCloud

andmademillions,graduatedfromMIT,andIguessIfiguredwhythehellnot?ImetMarleyatMIT

andwehadbeentogetherforalittleoverayear.Itjustseemedtomakesenseforsomereason.She

didalltheplanningandIjustagreedtoeverything,butIwashavingdoubtsduringtheprocess.When

ourweddingdaycame,Ijustcouldn’tseemyselforafuturewithher.Oranyone,forthatmatter.It

justdoesn’tseemnaturaltospendtherestofyourlifewithsomeone.”

“Butyourparents.”

“Iknow.Theyhaveagreatrelationship,andasmuchasIadmirethem,Ijustcouldn’tseemyself

likethat.So,beforetheceremony,Imusteredupthecouragetogointotheroomshewaswaitingin

andItoldherthatIcouldn’tdoit.”

“Shemusthavebeenheartbroken.”

“Shewas.ShecriedlikeIneversawhercrybefore,calledmeallkindsofnames,andtoldmeto

getthehellout.SoIdidandIneverlookedback.ItwasprobablythehardestthingIeverdid,butit

wasforthebest.She’smarriednowwithtwokidsandshe’shappy.”

“Weird how life works out sometimes. So you never see yourself getting married and having a

family?”

“Nah.Notreally.Iguessit’swhoIam.”

“Well,atleastyouknowwhoyouare.”Ismiled.

After finishing dinner, we took a walk along the shoreline. Taking off my shoes and throwing

themintothesand,Iliftedupmydresssothebottomdidn’tgetallwet.Drewtookoffhisshoesand

socksandrolledupthebottomofhispants.Darknesshadsettledinandthemoonshinedaboveus,

lightingourpathasthegentletidesweptacrossourfeet.

“Thankyoufordinner,”IspokeasInudgedhisshoulderwithmine.

“You’rewelcome.Itwasmypleasure.”Helookedoveratme.

Somethingstirredinsideme.Mybellyflippedandmyheartstartedtopickupitspace.Istopped

andhestoppedalongsidemeandplacedhishandonmycheek.

“Youaresobeautiful,Jillian.Bothinsideandout,”hespokeashisheaddippedclosertomine.

Igulped.

“Thankyou,Drew.”Istaredintohisdarkeyes.

Heswallowedhardandremovedhishandfrommycheek.

“Webetterheadback.It’sgettinglate.”

ChapterTwelve

Drew

TheconnectionIfeltwithherwasunlikeanythingI’deverfeltbefore.Iwantedtokissher,butI

hadtorefrainbecauseifIdid,Ididn’tknowifI’deverbeabletosaygoodbye.Iknewthatoncemy

lips touched hers, it would be something that would haunt me for the rest of my life. As we

approachedhersuite,sheaskedmetocomeinsideforonelastdrinkbeforeIleft.Wasthatagood

idea?Probablynot,especiallywiththewayIfeltabouther,butanylastmomentIcouldspendwith

herwasgoldandIwasn’tabouttoturnitdown.

“Letmepour.”IsmiledasItookthebottleofwinefromher.

Handingheraglass,wetookaseatinthechairsoutonthebalconyandlistenedtothesubtlewaves

hittheshore.

“I’msuregoingtomissithere,”shespoke.

“Metoo.”

Itwaskillingmenottoknowwhereshewasheadedtonext.Butforbothoursakes,itwasbestthat

Ididn’t.Lookingoverather,Inoticedshehadsomethinginherhair.AsIreachedovertogetit,she

reachedupandplacedherhandonmine.

“Sorry,butyouhadsomethinginyourhair.”

“Thanks.”Hereyesgazedintomine.

“Ishouldgetgoing,”IspokeasIgotupfrommychair.

“Okay.”Shefollowedmetothedoor.

Turningaround,myheartfeltheavyasIstruggledtosaygoodbye.

“Thankyouagainformakingmytimeherealittlelessshitty.”IsmiledasItookholdofherhand

andbroughtituptomylips.

“You’rewelcome.Itwasfun.”Shegrinned.

Fuck.Thedesiretokissherwasburninginsideme.BeforeIleft,Ihadtoknowwhatherlipsfelt

like.IfIdidn’t,I’dspendmywholeliferegrettingit.Justasmallkisswouldn’thurt.Afriendlykiss

would be all. Nothing deep, nothing heavy. As our eyes stayed fixated on each other, I brought my

handuptoherfaceandslowlyloweredmyheadasmylipssoftlybrushedagainsthers.Iwaitedfor

hertopullaway,butshedidn’t.Shewelcomeditandkissedmeback.Ineededtogo,butIcouldn’t

tear myself away from her. One kiss turned into two and then three. I looked at her as I pushed a

strandofherhairbehindherear,waiting,makingsurethatitwasokay.Shereachedupandherlips

onceagaincollidedwithmine.Thistime,ourtonguesmetandgreetedeachotherwithwarmth.My

cock was on the rise as the heat was on my skin. My hands roamed up and down the sides of her

hourglass figure and a soft moan escaped her. Her hands left my face and started unbuttoning my

shirt.ShewantedmejustasbadasIwantedher.Assheslidmyshirtoffmyshoulders,Iuntiedtheties

of her dress and let it fall to the ground, and she stood there almost naked with only her panties

coveringher.Pickingherup,Icarriedhertothebedroomandsoftlylaidheronthebed,hovering

overherwhilemymouthexploredherbeautifulroundbreastsandmyfingerstraveleddowntheedge

of her panties. Her moans were music to my ears as I dipped my finger inside her, taking in the

wetnessthatsurroundedher.

“You’resowetandyoufeelsogood,”Imoaned.

“Sodoyou.”Shearchedherback,forcingmyfingerstodeepeninsideher.

A few more strokes and soft circles around her clit, she let out the most pleasing sound as she

orgasmed. Standing up, I kicked off my shoes and took down my pants, setting free my rock hard

cockthatwasreadytoexplode.Spreadingherlegs,Ikissedupherinnerthighasshethrewherhead

backindelightwhilemytonguesliditswayuptoherouterlips.Takinginthesweettasteofher,I

placed my hands firmly on her hips as my lips wrapped around her clit, lightly sucking until she

couldn’t take anymore. Her hands ran through my hair as her body tightened and another orgasm

tookherover.

****

Jillian

Mybodywasonfirewithpassion,afeelingI’dneverexperiencedbefore.Thismanandhismouth

hadmeinsuchastatethatleftmyinsidesscreamingformore.Thewayhistonguecaressedmymost

sensitiveareaflooredme.

“Idon’thaveanycondomsonme.They’reinmyroom,”hespokewithbatedbreathashelooked

upatme.

“I’monbirthcontrol,soyoudon’thavetoworry.Itrustyou,Drew.”

Hismouthexploredmyabdomenandmybreasts.Thewayhislipswrappedaroundmyhardened

nipples excited me, as did the feel of his perfectly sized hard cock rubbing against my inner thigh.

Hovering over me, he gently thrust into me until his entire length was buried deep inside. A moan

escaped his lips as our eyes locked onto each other ’s while he tenderly moved in and out of me. I

swelledaroundhimandhefeltit.Hispleasurablemoanstoldmeallasdidminetohim.Mynailsdug

intohisbackashislipsmetmineandhisthrustingbecamefaster,sendingmeovertheedgeandinto

mythirdorgasmofthenight.

“Yes.That’sit,comewithme.”Hestrained,fillingmeupwithhiscome.

Collapsingontopofme,heinterlacedourfingers,broughtmyarmsovermyhead,andstaredinto

my eyes while we each tried to catch our breath. Once our heart rates returned to normal, he lifted

himselfupandpulledoutofme.Aswerolledontooursides,heranhisfingeracrossmycheekwith

asmile.

“Youwereincredible.”

“Sowereyou.”Ismiledback.

“Doyouwantmetoleaveordoyouwantmetostaythenight?”

“Iwantyoutostay.Thatway,Icansaygoodbyeinthemorning.”

HislipsgentlybrushedagainstminebeforeweclimbedunderthecoversandIsnuggledagainst

him.

Thiswasn’tsupposedtohappen.DidIregretit?No.Notintheleast.Cometomorrow,we’dpart

wayswithonlythememoryofthisnightandthejourneyIwasonwouldcontinue.Iwrappedmyleg

aroundhimashisstrongmusculararmsheldme.Grantrarelyheldmeaftersexanditwassomething

Iwasusedto.Butthis.BeingwrappedaroundDrew’sbodywassomethingIliked.Ifeltsecureand

safeinhisarms.SomethingIneverknewIdesperatelyneeded.

Thenextmorning,whenDrew’salarmonhisphonewentoff,hisarmstightenedaroundme.

“Goodmorning,”IspokeasIlookedupathim.

“Goodmorning.Ineedtogo.Ihavetogetpackedandheadtotheairport.”

“Iknow.”

“Handmeyourphone,”hespoke.

Reachingovertothenightstand,Igrabbedmyphoneandhandedittohim.

“There. You have my number. If you ever need anything or need help, please call me. I can be

whereveryouareinaflash.”

“Thanks.ButI’llbeokay.”

“Iknowyouwillbe.Butyouhaveitjustincase.”Hekissedthetopofmyheadandclimbedoutof

bed.

Afterhegotdressed,Iwalkedhimtothedoor.

“Ihadagreattimelastnight.”Hesmiledashishandsweptovermyhair.

“Ididtoo.”

“Goodluckonyourjourney.Ihopeyoufindyourselfandthehappinessyoudeserve.”

Takingholdofhishand,Ipressedhispalmagainstmylips.

“Goodbye,Drew.”

“Goodbye,Jillian.”Hislipssoftlykissedmineandhewalkedoutthedoor.

Suddenly,itfeltlikealltheairhadleftmeandIcouldn’tbreathe.Sinkingdowntotheground,I

broughtmykneesuptomychestandtightlywrappedmyarmsaroundthem.Tearsstartedstreaming

downmyfaceandIdidn’tknowwhy.Confusionsetinand,suddenly,Iwasafraid.Pickingmyselfup

offthefloor,Itookashower,dressed,andheadedtoAno’shousetosaygoodbye.WhenIarrived,all

heneededwastotakeonelookatmetoknowsomethingwaswrong.

“You’vecometosaygoodbye,Jillian,butyouseemsosad.”

“I messed up, Ano. I slept with someone last night and it wreaked havoc on my emotional well-

being.”

“Themanfromtheplane?”heaskedaswesatdown.

“Yes.Helefttodaytogobacktowhereverhecallshomeandtheminuteheleft,Istartedsobbing.”

“Doyouknowwhy?”

“Idon’tknow;that’sthething.”

“Doyouhavefeelingsforthisman?”heaskedasheplacedhishandsonmine.

“Yes,no.Idon’tknow.AllIknowisthatwhenheheldme,forthefirsttimeinmylife,Ifeltsafe.”

“Ah.”Heslowlynoddedhishead.“Youdiscoveredthatyouneedsafety.”

“ButIalwaysthoughtIfeltsafe.”

“Yourperceptionofsafeandtherealityofitaretwodifferentthings.It’snaturalforachildtofeel

safeinthecompanyoftheirparentsbecausetheyaresupposedtoprotectus.Itwasn’tuntilyoushared

aspecialconnectionwiththatmanthatyourealizedyouneverfeltit.RememberwhatItoldyouabout

yourjourney.Youneedtobefearlessbecauseeveryroadyoutravelonwillbringsomethingabout

yourselfthatyoudidn’tknoworrealize.Nowit’suptoyoutotakewhatyourealizedandfindsafety

withinyourself.”

“How?”

“You’llfigureitoutalongtheway.You’reastrongandsmartwoman.Don’tunderestimateyour

strengths.”

Igotupfrommychairandgavehimahug.

“Thankyou,Ano.Ibettergetgoing.Istillhavetopackandgettotheairport.”

“Takecare,mychild.Don’tbeastranger.”

IgavehimasmileasIkissedhischeek.

“Iwon’tbe.”

Heading back to the hotel, I gave a lot of thought about what Ano said. My whole life had been

spentbeingaroundpeoplewhocontrolledme,andnowthatIwasalone,whatIthoughtIknewIdidn’t

reallyknowatall.

ChapterThirteen

Drew

“Thanks,Randall.I’llseeyouinthemorning,”IspokeasIclimbedoutoftheBentley.

Walkingupthestepsofmytownhouse,Isawmynextdoorneighborandfriend,LiamWyatt.

“Hey,you’reback.HowwasHawaii?”heasked.

“Itwaseventful.”Ismirked.

“Inabadwayoragoodway?”

“Both.IbrokeupwithJessandmadeherleaveearly.”

“Oh.I’msorrytohearthat.”

Igavehimasmallsmile.“Noyou’renot.Youneverlikedher.”

Heshrugged.“True.Butstill.You’rebetteroffwithouther.SheremindedmetoomuchofOliver ’s

ex.”

“Yeah.Ishouldhavelistenedtoyouonthatone.Stopbythisweekandwe’llhaveadrink.”

“Surewill,Drew.Welcomehome.”Hewaved.

Steppingintothehouse,Itookmysuitcaseupstairsandthenheadedtothekitchenforsomethingto

eat.IsmiledwhenIopenedtherefrigeratorandtherewereacoupleofstackedcontainerssittingthere

withanotefrommyhousekeeper,Jane.

“Welcomehome,Drew.Islavedalldaytomakethesemeals,soyoubettereatthem.”

Takingoneofthecontainersout,Ithrewitinthemicrowaveandwalkedovertothebartopour

myself a scotch. I already missed her. The moment I walked out of her hotel room, a feeling

overcameme.Afeelingthatsomethingwasmissingfrommylife.ThetimeIspentwithheronthe

plane.andthefewtimesinHawaii,mademefeellikeadifferentperson,andnow,Ididn’tthinkI’d

everfeltsolonely.

Openingmyeyestothesoundofmyalarm,Istumbledoutofbed,showered,andheadeddownto

thekitchenforsomecoffee.

“Morning,Jane.”

“Goodmorning,Drew.”Shesmiledasshepouredmeacupofcoffee.“Howwasyourtrip?”

Isighed.“Let’sjustsaythatJesswon’tbecomingoverhereanymore.Iendedthingswithher.”

Shemadethesignofthecrossandthenplacedherhandstogether.

“Thankyou,lord.”

Ilightlychuckled.“Iknowyouweren’tafanofhers.”

“No.No,Iwasn’t.Whatdidshedothistime?”

“Just her usual shit. She basically told me that I was a bad boyfriend because I wouldn’t buy her

something.”

Janerolledhereyes.“Well,maybeifshewasn’tsuchabadgirlfriend,youwouldhaveboughther

whatshewanted.You’reagoodman,Drew.Don’tletthatlittlehussytellyouanydifferent.”

“Trustme.I’mnotgivingherasecondthought.ThanksforthecoffeeandnowIhavetoheadto

theoffice.”Igaveherakissonthecheek.

“Haveagoodday.”

Janehadworkedformeforthelastfouryears.Shewasagodsend.NotonlydidIloveher,butmy

parents and friends did as well. She did everything for me and had quickly become a part of my

family.

****

“Goodmorning,Lia,”IspokeasIwalkedpastmysecretary’sdesk.

“Welcomeback,Drew.HowwasHawaii?”

“Itwasnice.Thankyou.IfJesscalls,don’tputherthrough.We’reover,”Ispokeasshefollowed

meintomyoffice.

“Oh.Okay.Ileftsomepapersonyourdeskthatyouneedtosignandyouhaveameetinginthirty

minutestolookoverthenewsoftwareproposal.”

Isighed.“Iknow.”

“Anythingelse?”sheasked.

“No.That’sall.”

Taking a seat at my desk, I leaned back in my chair and picked up the papers that needed to be

signed.Afterlookingthemover,Ithrewthembackdown.TheonlythingonmymindwasJillianand

our night together. God, she was by far the best woman I’d ever had sex with. Everything she did

arousedme.Hersoftmoans,hergentletouch,hersmell,andthewayherbodymovedwithminewas

undeniable. How long was this going to last? Me thinking about her non-stop? Fuck. I should have

asked for her number or at least asked where she was headed to next. I was worried, something I

generallydidn’tdowithwomen.AsIwasdeepinthought,myfriendandVP,Lance,walkedin.

“Hey,buddy.Welcomeback.”Hesmiled.

“Thanks.”

“SodidyougetthingsresolvedwithJess?”heaskedashetookaseatacrossfrommydesk.

“Actually,Idid.Ibrokeupwithherandsentherhome.”

Hechuckled.“InHawaii?”

“Yep.”

“Classicandsodeserved.Itwasabouttime,man.Shewastoxic.”

“ButnowthatIgotridofthatproblem,Ihaveanother.”

“What’sthat?”Heleanedbackinhischair.

“ImetsomeoneandIcan’tstopthinkingabouther.”

“InHawaii?”

“Actually,shesatnexttomeontheplanetoHawaiiandwestayedatthesamehotel.Jessinvited

hertodinneronenighttotryandprovetomethatshechanged.”

“AndIcanseethatworkedoutreallywell.”Helaughed.“Sonowyouhavemecurious.Whoisthis

mysterygirl?”

“HernameisJillianBellandshe’sthemostbeautiful,fun,kind-hearted,selfless,amazingwomanI

haveevermet.”

“Hmm. I’ve never heard you describe a woman like that before.” He rubbed his chin. “Did you

fuckher?”

“Yes,butthat’snotimportant.What’simportantisthatIdon’tthinkI’lleverseeheragain.”

“Why?Wheredoesshelive?”

“She lived in Seattle, but she won’t go back there. I don’t know where she went after she left

Hawaii.”

“Okay,Drew.Seriously,I’msoconfusedrightnow,man.”

“She left her fiancé at the altar on her wedding day and hopped on a plane to Hawaii to start a

journeyofself-discovery.”

“Wow.Sheleftherfiancéatthealtar?”Heraisedhisbrowsatme.“Rightoffthebat,thetwoofyou

havesomethingincommon.”

IsighedasIrolledmyeyes.

“Didyouatleastgetherphonenumberafteryoufuckedher?”

“No,andstopsayingitlikethat.”

“Huh?”Helookedatmeinconfusion.“Shit,Drew.Whathasthisgirldonetoyou?”

“I don’t know.” I turned my chair and looked out the window. “I put my number in her phone

beforeIleft.Itoldherifsheeverneededanythingtocallme.”

“Drew.Drew.Drew.Whydidn’tjusttellherhowmuchyoulikedher?”

“Becauseshe’sfocusingonherjourneyandhasmadeitveryclearthatshe’slivinginaman-free

zone.”

“Sowhat?Youneverletthingsstopyoufromgoingafterwhatyouwant.Damn.Whoareyouand

whathaveyoudonewithDrewWestbrook?”

“Justdropit,Lance.Let’sgo.Wehaveameeting.”IsighedasIgotupfrommyseat.

ChapterFourteen

Jillian

“It’ssogoodtoseeyou.”KristenhuggedmetightasIsteppedinsideherapartment.

“It’sgoodtoseeyoutoo.Howareyou?”Ibrokeourembrace.

“I’mokay.Ijustputonafreshpotofcoffee.Youmustbeexhaustedafterthatflight.”

“Notreally.Isleptwellontheplane.”

MyflightfromHawaiididn’tgetintoNewYorkuntiltena.m.Ireallyhadnochoicebuttosleep,

becauseifIdidn’t,IwouldhavespenttheentiretwelvehoursthinkingaboutDrew,andIwastryingso

hardtoputhimtorest.FollowingKristenintothekitchen,Itookaseatatthetablewhileshepoured

useachacupofcoffeeandsetaplateofassorteddonutsinthecenterofthetable.

“Myfavorite.”IsmiledasItookavanillafrostedone.“DidNoahgotowork?”

“Yeah.Heleftaboutanhourago.Hesaidtotellyouhelloandthathe’llseeyoulater.So,tellme

allaboutHawaii.”

AsIsatacrossfromKristen,myheartfeltsadseeinghersofrail.Herskinwaspale,hereyeswere

sunkenin,andthebeautifulblondehairsheoncehadwasreplacedbyaheadscarf.Sixmonthsago,

she was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and had been undergoing chemotherapy and

radiationtotryandshrinkit.Notonlywasshemybestfriend,shewasalsomyhalf-sister.AsisterI

didn’tevenknowIhaduntilshecontactedme,viaFacebook,twoyearsagoandaskedifmyfather

wasDonaldBell.Ourfatherhadanaffairwithhermotherwhentheymetatabusinessconference.It

lasted about a year until she told him she was pregnant. He gave her silence money to quietly walk

away and agree to never let anyone know who the father was. He made her sign a contract that his

crookedlawyerdrewupstatingthatshewouldn’tputhimasthefatheronthebirthcertificateorever

disclosethatheimpregnatedher.Shesawwhatkindofmanhewasandtookthemoneyandranasfar

awayfromhimasshecould.BeforeKristen’smotherpassedawayacoupleofyearsago,shetoldher

everythingaboutourdad.Whohewas,wherehelived,andaboutme.

When she contacted me, I wasn’t surprised. I always suspected my father cheated on my mother.

KristenwasmysecretandIlovedher;afterall,weweresistersandonlybornonemonthapart.After

she found me, we skyped almost every day and I came to New York a few times to visit her. Of

course,IliedastowhereIwasgoingbecauseifmyparentseverfoundoutthatwefoundeachother,

itwouldopenupascandalthatwouldrockthebusinessworld.Itsaddenedmethatmyfathercouldbe

socoldastoknowhehadanotherdaughteranddidn’tcareabouthowshegrewup.Hewasasoulless

manwhowasmarriedtoasoullesswoman.

“Hawaiiwasgreat.”Igaveherasmallsmile.

“Didyoubychancemeetanyonethere?”Shegrinned.

“YoutalkedtoKellan.Didn’tyou?”

“Yeah.”Shetookasipfromhercup.

“Drewisagreatguy.He’sfun,sweet,caring,andreallyhot.”

“Yousleptwithhim,Jill.Icantell,”shespokewithexcitement.

“Ugh.”Ilaidmyheaddownonthetable.“Ididn’tmeanto.Itjusthappened.”

“And?”

Liftingmyhead,Ilookedupather.“Andthenwesaidgoodbye.”

“Yousaidthatasifyouweresadtosaygoodbye.”

“Sortof.Idon’tknow.Drewis—”Isighed.“He’sthetypeofguywhoIcouldseetotallyfalling

headoverheelsfor.”

Kristengavemeasmallsmile.“Itlookstomelikeyoualreadyhave.”

“No.”Iheldupmyfinger.“I’minsearchofme,nobodyelse.”

“Maybeyoufoundyourselfalreadythemomentyousatnexttohimontheplane.Theworldworks

inmysteriousways,Jill.OfallthehotelsinHawaii,hestayedatthesameoneyoudid.Plus,hebroke

upwithhisgirlfriend.”

“IseeKellanfilledyouinoneverylittledetail.”Ismiled.“Iwasgoingtotellyoueverythingwhen

I came here. I didn’t want to burden you with my problems when you’re going through so much

already.”

“Butyourproblemsaremyproblems,dearsister.Withoutyourdysfunctionallife,I’dbeboredto

death.”Shesmiled.

Icouldn’thelpbutlaugh.“Youlooktired.”Ipouted.

“Iam.IhatethatIfeellikeIneedtogotakeanapwhenyoujustgothere.”

“Gotakeanapandwhenyouwakeup,we’llgotoCentralParkandsitunderabigtreeforsome

sisterlybondingtime.Inthemeanwhile,IthinkI’lltakeashowerandchange.Ifeelgrossfromthe

planeride.”

As the hot water streamed down my back, I couldn’t stop thinking about Drew, and I wondered

whathewasdoingandifhehadheardfromJess.Shedidn’tseemlikethetypeofwomantogoaway

quietly.Runningmyhandsdownmybody,IsworeIcouldstillfeelhistendertouch.Hewasagodin

thebedroomandI’dneverhadsomanyorgasmsinsuchashortperiodoftimeinmylife.Ineededto

puthimtorestinthedepthsofmymind.Iwaslivingasingle,freelifenowandnothingornoone

wasgoingtogetinthewayofthat.Myfocuswassolelyonmenowand,ofcourse,mysister.She

neededme.TheonlyfamilyshehadleftwasNoah,herboyfriendoffiveyears,andme.

Steppingoutoftheshowerandwrappingatowelaroundme,Isatontheedgeofthebedanddialed

Kellan.

“Hello,JillyBean.”

“Hey,Kel.IfinallymadeittoNewYork.”

“How’sKristendoing?”

“She’s okay. She’s napping right now and then I’m taking her to Central Park for a while. Any

newsonthehomefront?”

“Isawyourmomyesterdayandshegavemetheevileye.”Helaughed.“Thenshehadthenerveto

comeoverandtrytotalktome.”

“Whatdidshesay?”

“JustaskedifIheardfromyouyetandthatshecan’tbelieveyouwoulddowhatyoudid.Shesaid

poorGrantwassobrokenup,andthattheweddingthatdidn’thappenwasthetalkoftheyachtclub.

Shesaidshehadtoleavebecauseoftheembarrassment.”

“Haha.Good.”

“ItoldherthatIsawGrantwithsomesleazy-lookingchicktheothernightandhedidn’tlooktoo

brokenuptome.Shejusthuffedandsaidgoodbye.”

“Goodforyou.Thankyou.”

“Anythingforyou,babe.Hey,howaboutifIcometoNewYorknextweekendforavisit?”

“Ah.IwouldlovethatandsowouldKristenandNoah.”

“Areyougoingtogetyourownapartmentthere?”

“Iwasthinkingaboutit,butIdon’twanttogetstuckinaleaseforayear.Imaynotbeherethat

long.”

“True. I’m sure you can find something with a six-month lease, or hell, just buy a place. It’s not

likeyoucan’taffordit.Thenwhenyouleave,rentitout,anditbecomesaninvestment.”

“Imightjustdothat.”

“Hey,howareyoudoingafteryourlittlerompwithplaneguy?”

“I’mokay.”

“Jilly,thatwasn’tveryconvincing.Areyoustillthinkingabouthim?”

“Sortof.He’sahardmantoforget.”

“Thenmaybehe’snotworthforgetting.Youhavehisnumber.Callhim.”

“Ican’t.”

“Youwon’t.Idigyourwholeself-journey,butifheputarealsmileonthatprettyfaceofyours,

don’tyouthinkmaybe,justmaybe,hewasthrowninyourpathforareason?”

“NowyousoundlikeKristen.”

“Great minds think alike. Listen, Bean, I have to go. I’m being summoned into a meeting. Love

you.”

“Loveyou.Talktoyousoon.”

I met Kellan Jones at the yacht club when were thirteen years old. His family had just moved to

SeattlewhenhisfathertooktheCFOpositionforoneofthebiggesthotelchainsinthecountry.Itwas

love at first sight. We created a bond that day and had been best friends ever since. My parents

disapprovedatfirstbecausehewasaboyandtheyfearedsomesortofromancewasbrewing.They

couldn’t grasp the concept that a boy and a girl could be nothing more than friends. There was a

periodoftimewhenmyparentstriedtostopmefromseeingKellan,butthatquicklydissipatedwhen

theyfoundouthewasgayandnolongerathreat.

****

IwheeledKristentoTheLakeinCentralPark.Sincereceivingherchemoandradiationtreatments,

shetiredeasilyandwalkingwouldhavebeentoomuchforher.Ifoundusaspotonthegrassundera

big tree near the lake. After helping me spread out the blanket we brought, we both kicked off our

shoesandsatdown.

“God,it’ssobeautifulhere,”Ispoke.

“It’soneofmyandNoah’sfavoritespots.”

It was a beautiful June day. The sun was shining brightly and there wasn’t a trace of wind

anywhere.Despiteallthepeoplethatwerearound,Ifoundcomfortandpeacehere.

“TellmeyouhavepicturesofHawaii.”Kristinsmiled.

“OfcourseIdo,”IspokeasIpulledmyphonefrommypocket.

Openingupmypictures,IbegantoshowhertheserenityandbeautifulworldofHawaii.

“ThesearethedolphinsIswamwith.”Ismiled.

“Wow.Theyareadorable.I’dlovetodothat.”

“Youwill.Assoonasyougetbetter,I’mtakingyouthereandwe’llswimwiththem.”

Shegavemeasmall,unconvincingsmile.Iknewexactlywhatthatsmilemeantanditscaredthe

helloutofme.

“Isthishim?”sheaskedasshestoppedonthepictureofmeandDrew.

Myheartstartedtoacheatthesightofhim.

“Yes.That’sDrew.Itookthatpictureofusonourlastnightthere.”

“He’shot.”Shegrinned.

Thecornersofmymouthcurvedslightlyupwards.“Yeah.Inmorewaysthanone.”

“Whydidyoutakethispicture?”sheasked.“Imean,youknewyouwerenevergoingtoseehim

againandyouhavenoplansofevercontactinghim.”

“Iguessforamemory,”IspokeinamerewhisperasIlookeddownatmyhands.

“It’sokaytolikehim,Jillian.You’rehumanjustlikeeveryoneelse.”

“IfonlyIhadmethimalittlelaterinlife.”Istaredstraightatthelake.

Shereachedoverandtookholdofmyhand.“Sometimeslifeistooshorttoworryaboutthesmall

stuff.”

“You’regoingtobeokay,Kristen.Itrulybelievethat.”

“Maybe or maybe not. And if not, I’m okay with that. I’ve come to terms that the chemo and

radiationmaynotbehelping.”

Ididn’tlikehearinghersaythat.ItkilledmeinsidetothinkthatImightloseher.Shehadonlybeen

inmylifeforashortwhileandIwantedmanymoreyearswithher.ShewasmysisterandIneeded

her.

ChapterFifteen

Drew

IhadjustreturnedfromameetingwhenIheardmyofficedooropen.

“Youcan’t—”IheardLia’svoice.

“Ohplease.Andreally?Thoseshoes?”

IturnedaroundandclenchedmyjawwhenIsawJess.

“Weneedtotalk,Drew.”Shestoodtherewithherhandonherhip.

Isighedandtookaseatbehindmydesk.

“Jess,whatareyoudoinghere?ItoldyouthatIdidn’twanttoseeyou.”

“Iknow,butIneededtoseeyou.Pleasejusthearmeout.”

“There’snothingtohear.It’sover.”

“Stop saying that. I’m sorry for everything. Please give me another chance. I can’t bear to be

withoutyou.”Tearsstartedtostreamdownherface.

“No,Jess.It’sover.Youdeservesomeonewhocangiveyoueverythingyouneed.”Igotupfrom

mychair,walkedovertoher,andclaspedhershoulders.“Ican’tdothat.AndyouknowwhyIcan’t?”

Sheslowlyshookherhead.

“BecauseI’mnotinlovewithyou.Idon’tmeantohurtyou,butit’showIfeelandthere’snothing

youcandotochangethat.”

Herbottomlipstartedtotremble.“ButIneedyou.Don’tyouunderstandthat?”Streaksofmascara

randownherface.

“Youdon’tneedme,Jess.YouneedamanwhocanloveyoubackandI’mnotthatman.”

“God,Ihateyou!”Shebegantopoundherfistsintomychest.“Ispentayearwithyou.Igaveyou

myeverything.Igaveyoumyheartandmyloveandthisishowyourepayme?”

Igrabbedherwristsandheldthemtightsoshe’dstoppoundingintome.

“Darling, the only thing you ever gave me was a headache. Now please leave before I call

security.”

Lettinggoofherwrists,Iturnedaroundandheadedtowardsmydesk.

“You’ll regret this, Drew. You’re going to wake up one day and realize what a mistake it was

lettingmegoandthenyou’llbetheonecrawlingback,beggingmetotakeyouback!”sheshouted.

Rollingmyeyes,Isighed.“Goodbye,Jess.”

“Fuckyou,Westbrook!”Shestormedoutofmyoffice,slammingthedoorbehindher.

After a few moments, when I knew she was out of sight, I opened the door, looked at Lia, and

shrugged.

“She’scrazy.WhatcanIsay?”

“Youdidtherightthing,Drew.Ididn’tlikeher.”

“Nobodydid.”Iwinked.

Lia,mysecretary,wasanexcellentemployee.Shewasaforty-year-oldsinglemomoftwogirls.

Shecametoworkformeasatempwhilemyothersecretary,Joy,wasonmaternityleave.WhenJoy

decidedtobecomeastay-at-homemom,IhiredLiarightonthespot.Sheexcelledatherworkand

needed the stability of a full-time permanent job so she could provide for her children since her

deadbeatexbarelypaidhischildsupport.

“Ineedyoutodomeafavor,”IspokeasIwalkedovertoLia’sdesk.

“Sure.Anything.”

“SeewhatyoucanfindonagirlnamedJillianBell.She’sfromSeattle.”

“Really?” The corners of her mouth curved upwards. “You’ve never done anything like that

before.”

“Iknow.Ifeellikeadamnstalker.”

“Whoisshe?”

“She’sawomanthatIspentsometimewithinHawaii.Actually,wemetontheplane.Shehadthe

seatnexttomineandwestayedatthesamehotel.Let’sjustsayshe’ssomeoneIcan’tgetoutofmy

head.Maybeyoucantrackdownaphonenumberorsomething.”

“I’llseewhatIcando.”Shesmiled.

“Thanks,Lia.I’llbeinmyoffice.”

JustasIshutthedoorandwaswalkingbacktomydesk,myphoneranganditwasmymom.

“Hey,Mom.”

“Drew.HowwasHawaii?”

“Itwasgood.”OnlygoodbecauseofJillian.

“DidyouandJessgetsomethingsworkedout?”

Ileanedbackinmychair.“Wesuredid.Iendedthingswithher.”

“Oh?”Therewasahintofexcitementinhervoice.

“It’sokay,Mom.Justsayit.”

“Youwantthetruth,Drew?”

“OfcourseIdo.”

“I’mhappyyouendeditwiththatlittlewitch.YouknowhowyourfatherandIfeltabouther.”

“Iknowyoudidn’tlikeherandI’msorryIdidn’tendthingssooner.”

“Well,whatmattersisthatyoudidendit.Listen,honey,Ihavetogetgoing.Whydon’tyoucome

overtomorrownightforabarbeque?”

“Soundsgood,Mom.I’llbethere.”

Afterendingthecall,Isetmyphonedownonmydesk.IwishedtheycouldhavemetJillian.She

wasthetypeofgirlthatmymomwouldfallinlovewith.

“Excuseme,Drew,”Liasoftlyspokeasshepokedherheadinthedoor.

“Comeonin.Didyoufindanything?”

“TheonlythingIcouldfindonJillianBellwasthisarticle.”Shehandedmeawhitesheetofpaper.

“Idon’tthinkthat’sher,right?”

“That’sher.”IsmiledasIstaredatherpicture.

“Sheleftherfiancéontheirweddingday?”sheaskedwithatwistedface.

“Yep,andforgoodreason.Herstoryisalittlecomplicated.”

“She’spretty.”

“Prettyisanunderstatement.She’sabeautifulwomanwithabeautifulsoul.”

“I’msorrythat’sallIcouldfind,Drew.”

“It’sokay,Lia.Thankyou.”

Icouldhavejusthiredaprivateinvestigatortofindher,butIwouldn’tdothat.Isaidgoodbyeto

herforareasonandIwasn’tgoingtointerferewithherlife.AsbadlyasImissedherandwantedto

talktoher,Ineededtorespectherjourney.IhadnocluewhatIwasthinkingwhenIaskedLiatosee

whatshecouldfindout.Jillianhadmynumberand,hopefully,oneday,she’dthinkofmeandcall.

****

Jillian

When Kristen and I walked through the doors of The Ellington on West 52

Street, we stepped

inside the elevator and took it up to the 28

floor where I was meeting, Rick, the realtor who was

goingtoshowmetheapartment.

“Hello,youmustbeJillian.”Ricksmiledasheheldouthishand.

“Nicetomeetyou,Rick.”

“Mypleasure,andthisis?”heaskedashelookedatKristen.

“I’mthesister.”Shesmiled.

“Ah.Nicetomeetyou.Ifyou’llfollowme,I’llshowyouaroundthisgorgeousapartment.Willit

justbeyoulivinghere,Jillian?”

“Yes.”IsmiledasIlookedaround.

“Then this is the place for you. Come over here,” he spoke as he led me to the balcony off the

livingroom.“Lookatthisview.Youcanpracticallyseetheentirecityfromuphere,andatnight,it’s

gorgeous.Allyouneedareacoupleofloungechairs,asmalltable,andanexpensivebottleofwine.”

Hewinked.

“Whatdoyouthink,Kristen?”Iasked.

“Ithinkthisplaceisgreat.Icouldtotallyseeyoumakingthisspaceyourveryown.”

“Metoo.”IsmiledasIcontinuedtolookaround.

“Oh,andthebestpartisthatthelaundryroomisrightdownthehall.”

“That’saplus.Howmuchistherentagain?”Iasked.

“Forty-fivehundred.”

“Okay.I’lltakeit.”

“Excellent.”Rickclappedhishandstogether.“IwilllettheownerknowandI’lldrawupthelease

agreement.Howsoondoyouwanttomovein?”

“Thisweekendifpossible.”

“Perfect. I will call you in a couple of days when the paperwork is ready, you can swing by the

officetosignthem,andI’llhandyouthekeys.”

“Great.Ilookforwardtoit.”

****

Drew

Ihadjustarrivedhomefromworkwhenmyphonerang.

“Hey,Rick,”Ianswered.

“Drew, I have great news. I rented your apartment today to a very nice young woman. She’ll be

movinginthisweekend.”

“Ah.Excellentnews.Thanksforlettingmeknow.”

“Anytime,buddy.Haveagoodnight.”

“Youtoo.”

ChapterSixteen

Jillian

Inmyhand,Iheldthekeystomyveryownapartment.I’dneverhadmyownplacebefore.Even

whenIwasincollege,IlivedwithGrant.

“Howaboutwedoalittlefurnitureshopping?”IsmiledatKristen.

“Soundslikefun.Ilovetoshopforfurniture.”

Ihookedmyarminhersasweexitedtherealtor ’sofficeandheadedtothenearestfurniturestore.

“Hello.”Anice-lookingyoungmansmiledatusaswewalkedthroughthedoor.

“Hi.”

“CanIhelpyou?”

“Actually, I’m going to be spending a lot of money in this store today to furnish my new

apartment.”

“Excellent.” He grinned as he saw dollar signs and a nice commission check. “I’m Heath.” He

politelystuckouthishand.

“I’mJillianandthisismysister,Kristen.”

“Nicetomeetyouladies.Whereshallwestart?”

Lookingatmywatch,Ispoke,“It’stwoo’clock.Howaboutwestartwithaglassofwine?Youdo

havewine,right?”Ismiled.

“Ofcourse.Redorwhite?”

“Whitewillbefine.We’regoingtolookaround.”

“Pleasedo.I’llgofetchsomewineandI’llcomefindyou.”

“Thankyou,Heath.”

Hegavemeasmileashewalkedaway.Hewascutewithhissix-footstature,shortblondespikey

hair,andgreeneyes.

“Sowheredoyouwanttostart?”Kristenasked.

“Let’sstartwiththelivingroomfirst,”IspokeasIheadedovertosomedisplays.

Heathwalkedoverandhandedeachofusaglassofwine.“Seeanythingthatcatchesyoureye?”he

asked.

“Actually,”Ismiled,“IthinkImaylikethatcouchoverthere.”Ipointed.

Walkingovertowherethedarkgrayleatherrecliningcouchsat,Itookaseatandinstantlyfellin

love.

“Nicecolor,”Kristenspokeasshesatdownnexttome.

“Isn’t it? Patricia hates gray.” I smirked. “She says it’s the worst color in the world and is a

reflectionofthepersonwhochoosestodecorateinsuchadrab,boringcolor.”

“Thenit’stheperfectcolorforyourapartment.”Shegrabbedholdofmyhand.

“MayImakeasuggestion?”Heathasked.

“Ofcourse,Heath.Suggestaway.”IsmiledasItookasipfrommyglass.

“Followme.”

KristenandIgotupfromthecouchandfollowedhimovertoadisplaywhereadarkredchaise

loungesat.

“Oh.Ilovethis,”IsaidasIranmyhandalongthefabric.

“Isn’titfabulous?Envisionitnexttothegraycouchyouwerelookingat.Andrightoverhere,we

havethislovelyredsquarecocktailottomanyoucanuseasacoffeetable.”

“Perfect.Sold,Heath.”Igrinned.“NowIneedaTV.I’llbehangingitonthewall.”

“OurTVselectionisoverthisway.”Hewaved.

After picking out my living room furniture, dining table, and some lamps, Kristen and I headed

over to the bedroom sets. There was one bed that caught my attention very quickly. It was an

upholsteredsleighbedinacolorcalledgunmetal.WhileKristenwaswithHeathlookingatanother

bedroomset,Imademyselfcomfortableacrossthebed.

“Excellentchoice,”Heathspokeashewalkedover.“ThisisournewBombaycollectionthatjust

arrivedafewdaysago.”

Kristenlaydownnexttomeandwebothstaredupattheceiling.

“Thiswouldbetheperfectbedtofuckin.”Shesmiledasshelookedoveratme.

Suddenly,visionsofmyandDrew’snighttogetherfilledmymind.

“Itwouldbe.Toobaditwon’tbegettinganykindofaction.”

“Maybenotwithtwopeople,butmaybewithone.”Shelaughed.

“True.Verytrue,dearsister.”

Heath cleared his throat to alert us he could hear our conversation. Getting up from the bed, I

placedmyhandonhischest.

“Don’tfeelsorryforme,Heath.It’smyownchoice.”

AsIwaspayingformynewfurniture,myphonerang.ItwasKellan.

“Hey,Ican’twaittoshowyoumynewapartment.”

“Ican’tcometoNewYorkthisweekend,Jilly.”

“Why?”Iwhined.

“MymomishavingsurgerytomorrowandmydadisonabusinesstripoverinLondon.”

“Issheokay?”

“She’shavingherbreastimplantstakenout.Bothofthemareleakingandtheyneedtocomeoutas

soonaspossible.SoIhavetotakecareofheruntilmydadcangetbackhome.”

“Okay.GiveyourmomahugehugandkissfrommeandIhopesherecoversquickly.Maybeyou

cancomethefollowingweekend.”

“I’malreadyplanningonit.Loveyou,Bean.”

“Loveyoutoo,Kel.Talktoyoulater.”

****

Movingintomynewapartmentwastheeasiestjobever.Thedeliverymensetupallmyfurniture

and it didn’t take me long to unpack the only two suitcases I brought with me. Looking around my

spacemademesmile.Thiswasmine.Myveryownapartmentandasymbolofanewstartinlifefor

me.IfeltindependentandIfeltstrong.TwothingsthatIhadneverfeltbefore.

Three years ago, on my twenty-first birthday, I received a call from my grandmother ’s lawyer,

askingmetocometohisoffice.Ifounditstrangesincemygrandmotherhadpassedawaytwoyears

before.WhenIarrivedathisoffice,heinformedmethatmygrandmotherhadsetupanaccountfor

mewiththesumoffourmilliondollarstobegiventomeonmytwenty-firstbirthdaywithalettershe

hadwrittentome.

MydearestJillian,

Happybirthday,mydarlinggranddaughter.Nowthatyouarecomingintotheageofadulthood,I

amgivingyousomethingspecialforthoserainydays.Thisisbetweenmeandyouandyourparents

arenevertoknowwhatIhavegivenyou.Usethemoneytodowhatyouwantinlife.It’syoursand

yoursonly.Travel.Seetheworldand,whateveryoudo,donotmarryGrant.Idon’tlikehim,darling.I

neverhaveand,mostimportantly,donottrusthim.Hedoesn’tmakeyouhappyandyoudeservetobe

happy.Iknowyou’llmaketherightdecisiononedayandthismoneywillbetheretohelpyou.Take

care,mylove.I’llloveyouforever.

Grandma

MygrandmotherandIwereverycloseandItoldhereverything.Shewasneververyfondofmy

motherandshe’dtellmyfathereverychanceshegot.Shehadn’tspokentomyparentsforafewyears

beforeshepassed.Istilldidn’tknowwhattheargumentwasabout,butIsuspectedithadsomethingto

dowithKristen.I’dneverforgetaftershepassedawayandwewereallgatheredatthetableforthe

readingofthewill.Whenitcametomyfatherandmother,theyweregivennothing.Mygrandmother

leftherwholeestatetomyUncleLeonwiththestrictinstructionsthatallofherclothesandjewelry

were to be donated to a women’s shelter and my mother was not to be given anything. My parents

were outraged and my mom didn’t stop yelling for months over it. As for me, she had left me ten

thousanddollarsandabeautifulsilvernecklacewithadiamondcrossthatI’dalwaysadmired.

AfterKristenandNoahleft,Igrabbedtheopenbottleofwinefromthecounterandtookitoutside

on the balcony where I sat my ass down in my new plush and comfortable lounge chair. Rick was

right;sittingouthereatnightlookingatthebrightlylitcitywasamazing.Ihadn’tthoughtaboutDrew

alldayuntilnow.AsIheldmyphoneinmyhand,Ipulleduphisnumberandstaredatit.Apartofme

wantedtogetintouchwithhimjusttosayhi.Buttheotherpartofmedidn’twanttobecauseIknewif

Idid,Iwouldneverstopthinkingabouthimorthatnightwespenttogether.Ijustwantedtohearhis

voice. Maybe if I just heard it one last time, thoughts of him would leave my head. This was crazy.

This wasn’t me. I didn’t think like this and I certainly didn’t just call up people to hear their voice.

Whatthefuckwasgoingon?WhyfortheloveofGodcouldn’tIgethimoutofmyhead?Isetmy

numbertoprivateandhitthecallbuttonunderhisnumber.Myheartstartedpoundingoutofmychest.

ItwasSaturdaynightsoheprobablywouldn’tanswer.Iwouldbethewasoutwithsomeoneforthe

night.Thehandthatheldthephonetomyearstartedtosweat.

“DrewWestbrook,”heanswered.

SHIT!

“Hello?”

IfIdidn’tsaysomething,he’dprobablysuspectitwasme,soIclearedmythroatanddisguisedmy

voice.

“I’msorry.Ihavethewrongnumber.”

“Noproblem,”hespoke.

Iquicklyendedthecall.Wow,whatdidIjustdo?Whodoesthat?Asmallsmilecrossedmylipsas

Isetmyphonedown.HearinghisvoiceagainwasexactlywhatIneeded.Icouldhearalotofnoisein

thebackground,almostasifhewasatarestaurant.Thethoughtofhimwithanotherwomanliterally

knifed my heart. Fuck! I didn’t need this. This wasn’t how my life journey was supposed to go. I

wasn’t supposed to be thinking about a man. I certainly had no problem forgetting about one in

particular.DamnDrewWestbrook.Ifinishedoffthebottleofwineandclimbedintomynewcomfy

bed.

ChapterSeventeen

Drew

“Whowasthat?”Liamaskedasheraisedhisbrowatme.

“Just a wrong number.” I frowned as I looked at my phone and set it on the table. “It’s weird

becauseitcameupasaprivatenumber.”

Liamshrugged.“Peopledothatallthetime.Nobigdeal.”

“Yeah,Iguess.”Itookadrinkofmyscotch.

“I’msorryyourHawaiitripsucked.”

“ItonlysuckedwhenJesswasaround.”Icutintomysteak.

“Yeah,well,shewasasuckyperson.”Hesmiled.“Nowyou’rebackonthemarket.Anyprospects

yet?”

“Actually,ImetawomaninHawaii.”

“Damn,youworkfast.”Hewinked.

“ShesatnexttomeontheplanefromSeattletoLAX,wehaddinnerattheairporttogether,and

thenIswitchedseatssoIcouldsitnexttohertoHawaii.Coincidentally,sheendedupstayingatthe

samehotel.”

Liamnarrowedhiseyeatme.“Yousleptwithher,didn’tyou?”

“Yep.OnmylastnightthereafterIbrokeupwithJess.Itwasn’tplanned.Itjusthappened.Ireally

likeheralot.”

“Okay.Sowhere’sshefrom?Didyougethernumber?”

“Lifeisalittlecomplicatedforherrightnow.”

“Howso?”

“Shecomesfromaverycontrollingfamilyandsheleftherfiancéatthealtarontheirweddingday

togoonajourneyofself-discovery.SoIhavenocluewhereshewentwhensheleftHawaii.”

Thewaitresswalkedoverandclearedourplatesfromthetable.

“CanIgetyouanythingelse?”

“Anotherroundofscotchformeandmyfriend.”

“Comingrightup.”Shewinkedatme.

“Ithinksomeonelikesyou.”Liamsmirked.

I rolled my eyes. “I can’t even explain the connection I felt with Jillian. I don’t know, man. I’ve

neverfeltlikethisbeforetowardssomeone.It’sreallybotheringme.”

“Soundstomelikeyou’reinlove.Maybeforthefirstrealtimeinyourlife.”Hesmiled.

“Idon’tknow.ButwhatIdoknowisthatIwanttoseeheragain.IgavehermynumberbeforeIleft

incasesheeverneededanything.”

“Maybethatwasherwhocalled.”

“Nah.Itdidn’tsoundlikeheratall.She’snevergoingtocallandIjustneedtoacceptthat.She’s

doingherownthingandfindingherself.I’msureshehasn’tevengivenmeanotherthought.”

“I’msorry,man,butchinup.There’splentyofotherwomenintheworldwhowouldlovetogo

outwithyou.”

“WhatifIwouldhavesaidthattoyouaboutAvery?”Ipickedupmydrink.

Hisnarrowedeyecontinuedtostareatmeforamoment.“It’sthatserious?”

“Itis.”

****

Jillian

Iawoketomyringingphone,andwhenIlookedattheclock,itwassixthirtya.m.

“Noah,what’swrong?”Iasked.

“I brought Kristen to the ER a couple of hours ago. She had a fever of 104.9 and she was

hallucinating.”

“I’monmyway.Whichhospitalareyouat?”

“MountSinai.TextmewhenyougethereandI’llfindyou.Ithinkthey’regettingreadytotakeher

uptoaroom.”

“Okay.”

Iquicklyjumpedoutofbed,threwonsomeclothes,andranabrushthroughmyhair.Grabbing

mypurse,Iflewoutthedoorandhailedacab.

“MountSinai,”ItoldthecabdriverasIclimbedinside.

Anervousfeelingrandeepinsideme.Iwasscaredformysisterandmynervesweregettingthe

bestofme.

“Canyoupleasesteponit!”Iyelled.

“Lady,thisisNewYorktraffic.Whatdoyouwantmetodo?”

“I’msorry.Ijustneedtogettomysister.”

Finally,wemadeittothehospitalandthecabdriverdroppedmeoffinfrontoftheER.Ihanded

him some money, and when I walked through the doors, I sent Noah a text message. After pacing

aroundthelobbyforwhatseemedlikeforever,theelevatordoorsopenedandNoahsteppedout.

“Howisshe?”

“She’s resting and they have her on some strong antibiotics. The doctor said she has a bacterial

infectionandhe’scallingheroncologist.”

“Shewasfineyesterday,”Ispoke.

“Iknow.Itwasshortlyafterwegothomefromyourplacethatshesaidshewasreallytiredandnot

feelingwell.”

Hooking my arm around him, we took the elevator up to the third floor where her room was.

WhenIwalkedin,sheslowlyopenedhereyesandasmallsmilecrossedherlips.

“Howareyoufeeling?”IaskedasIwalkedoverandtookholdofherhand.

“Likeshit.ButI’mgladyou’rehere.”

“There’snowhereelseI’dbe.”Igentlygaveherhandasqueeze.

Aftertalkingwithherforafewminutes,shestartedtoclosehereyes.

“Yougetsomerest.I’mgoingtograbacoffee.Noah,whydon’tyougohomeandgetsomesleep.

YoulooktiredandI’mhere.She’sprobablygoingtobeoutforawhile.”

“Idon’twanttoleaveher,Jill.”

“Thensleepinthechairforabit.Okay?”

“Yeah.MaybeIwill.Thanks.”

Walking down the hallway, I found a waiting room with a coffee machine. After inserting some

money,Ipushedthebuttonandwaitedpatientlyforthecuptodrop.

“Really?”Isaidoutloudasnocupappeared.

Iwasn’tinthemoodforthisshit,soIbangedthemachine.

“Consideryourselflucky.Thatmachinehastheworstcoffee,”anursespokeasshewalkedupnext

tome.“Youcangrabsomeinthecafeteria.Infact,I’mheadingdowntherenowandIcanshowyou

theway.”

“Thankyou.I’msorryforbangingonthemachine.”

“Please,honey.Don’tapologize.Thosemachinesdeservetobebeatoneveryonceinawhile.I’m

Andrea.IsawyouandNoahwalkingintoKristen’sroom.Areyouafriend?”

“I’mJillianandI’mhersister.”

“Nicetomeetyou,Jillian.Yoursisterisawonderfulgirl.”

“Youknowher?”Iaskedaswesteppedintothecafeteria.

“I’musuallyhernursewhenshecomesinforherchemotreatments.Todaywassupposedtobemy

dayoff,buttheyhadquiteafewcallinsandaskedifIcouldhelpout.Ineverturndownovertime.”

Shesmiled.“I’veneverseenyouherewithyoursister.Areyoufromoutoftown?”sheaskedasshe

grabbedabagel.

Iwasstarvingandtheydidlookgood,soIgrabbedoneaswell.

“IlivedinSeattleandIjustmovedtoNewYorklastweek.”

“WelcometoNewYork.”Shesmiled.“Wouldyouliketojoinme?”

“Sure.”Ipaidformycoffeeandbagelandthetwoofustookaseatatasmalltablebythewindow.

TherewassomethingaboutAndreathatmademefeelverycomfortable.Icouldn’texactlyputmy

fingeronit,butshewasoneofthosepeoplethatyoucouldjustinstantlyconnectwith.

“Didyoumoveherewithsomeone?”sheasked.

“No.Imovedherealone.Mylifeisalittlecomplicatedatthemoment.”

WhydidIjusttellherthat?

“Isn’teveryone’slifealittlecomplicatedfromtimetotime?”shesmiled.

“Yeah.Maybe.”

Aftertalkingforawhileandfinishingourbagelandcoffee,weheadedbackuptothethirdfloor.

WhenIwalkedintoKristen’sroom,shewasawake.

“Hey,you.Wherewereyou?”

“Iwasinthecafeteriahavingbreakfastwithyournurse,Andrea.”

“I’mgladyoumether.Iknewyou’dlikeher.”

JustasNoahwokeup,Kristen’sdoctorwalkedin.

“So,missy.Itlookslikeyouhaveabacterialinfection,eh?”

“That’swhattheytellme,Dr.Jenkins.”

“Yourimmunesystemisdownfromthechemoandradiation.Iknowyouhaveanappointmenton

Mondayforanotherscan,butsinceyou’rehere,wemightaswelldoitnow.Areyouokaywiththat?”

“DoIhaveachoice?”Kristensmirked.

“No.Notreally.I’llgoorderitandsomeonewillbeheresoontotakeyoudown.”

“Thanks.”

“You’rewelcome.I’lltalktoyoulater.”

Afterhewalkedoutoftheroom,AndreawalkedinwithawarmblanketanddrapeditoverKristen.

“Thereyougo,honey.Weneedtokeepyouniceandwarm.”

“Thanks,Andrea.Bytheway,how’syoursonandgirlfrienddoing?”

“Oh,goodnews.Hefinallydumpedher.Hearinghimsaythatwasmusictomyears.”Shewinked

beforeleavingtheroom.

“Soundslikeeveryoneisgettingdumpedthesedays.”Ilaughed.

“Shecouldn’tstandthatwoman.Onmychemodays,she’dtellmehowmuchofabitchshewas

andthathersoncoulddosomuchbetter.Shecouldn’tunderstandwhathesawinherbesidesherbig

faketits.”Shelaughed.“Herwords,notmine.”

Itwasn’ttoolongbeforethetransporterwalkedintotheroomandtookKristenforherscan.Noah

wentwithherandIstayedbackintheroomandwaitedforthem.Pullingoutmyphone,Idecidedto

giveKellanacalltotellhimaboutKristenandtoaskhowhismomwasdoing.ButbeforeIcoulddial

him,likeanidiot,IopenedupmyphotosandstaredattheselfieDrewandItookafterweswamwith

thedolphins.MyheartstartedtoacheandIhatedthesadnessthatovertookmeeverytimeIlookedat

thatdamnpicture.

“Youokay,honey?”Andreaaskedasshewalkedintotheroom.

Closingoutofthepicture,Ilookedupather,andinsteadofsayingasimpleyes,wordsjustcame

fallingoutofmymouth.

“Idon’tknow.ImetthisguywhenIwasonatripandIcan’tstopthinkingabouthim.It’slikehe’s

inmyheadtwenty-fourhoursaday.”

“Where’shefrom?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask and I didn’t want to know because I’m not in the dating zone, so to

speak.I’mrediscoveringmyselfandthere’snoroominmylifeforamanrightnow.”

“MayIaskwhyyou’rerediscoveringyourself?”

“Longstory.Myparentsareveryrichandinfluential.TheymoldedmeintosomeoneI’mnotnor

doIwanttobe.Iranaway.”Ilookeddown.“AndI’mnevergoingback.”

“Kristennevermentionedthataboutherparents.”

“That’sbecauseKristenandIonlysharethesamefather.Afatherwhopaidhermotheroffneverto

tellanyonewhoherfatheris.He’sneveracknowledgedherandhe’snevermether.”

“Oh.”

“I’veonlyknownthatIhadasisterforacoupleofyearsandthat’sonlybecauseshefoundme.”

Andreawalkedoverandsatontheedgeofthebednexttome.

“Whathaveyoufoundoutsofaraboutyourself?”sheaskedassheplacedherhandonmine.

“ThatIlovebeingonmyownbutalsothatIhavethisneedtofeelsafe.TheguyIwastalkingabout

earliermademefeelthatway.EventhoughI’donlyknownhimforafewdays,itfeltlikeI’dknown

himforyears.Hemademefeelsecure,eventhoughIhadalwaysthoughtIfeltit.Butapparently,I

didn’t.”

“Soundslikeyou’reinlovewiththisman.”Shesmiled.

“HowcouldIbe?Ibarelyknowhim.”

“Doesn’t matter, honey. You don’t have to know him to feel it. It’s instant chemistry, divine

intervention,soulmates.Whateveryouwanttocallit,it’sjustthere.Mythoughtonthewholethingis

ifyou’remeanttobetogether,youwillbe.Maybenotnow,ornextyear,butsometimeinthislife.”

Shewinked.“Ihavetogocheckonmypatients.I’lltalktoyoulater.”

“Thanks,Andrea.”

“You’rewelcome,sweetheart.”

IstayedwithKristentherestofthedayuntilshekickedmeoutandorderedmetogohome.

“I’llbebacktomorrow.”Ikissedherforehead.

“Lookingforwardtoit.”Shesmiled.

ChapterEighteen

Jillian

Thenextday,asIwasarrangingthebouquetofflowersIpickedupforKristen,Dr.Jenkinswalked

in.IswallowedhardwhenIsawthelookonhisface.

“Ihavetheresultsofyourscan,Kristen,”hesoftlyspoke.

NoahandIbothgrabbedholdofherhandswhilewewaitedforthedoctortogivehertheresults.

“HowlongdoIhave?”shebravelyasked.

“Anywhere from six to nine months. But nine months is stretching it. The cancer has spread to

otherareasofthebrain.”

Itfeltliketheairhadbeenknockedoutofmeandtobreathewasnearlyimpossible.Tearsstarted

tostreamdownNoah’sface,andasIlookedatKristen,sheremainedcomposedandcalm,asifshe

alreadyknewwhathewasgoingtosay.

“Thankyou,Dr.Jenkins,”shespoke.“Iknowyou’vedoneeverythingyoucould.”

“Again,I’msorry.You’refartooyoungtohavetogothroughthis.Youcangohometomorrow,

butyou’llstillneedtobeonantibioticsforthebacterialinfection,”hespokebeforewalkingoutof

theroom.

Tearsstartedtopourfrommyeyes.IknewIneededtobestrongforher,butIcouldn’tbe.This

wastoomuchofashock.Noahburiedhisheadintoherarmandsobbed.Theonlyoneintheroom

whowasn’tcryingwasKristenandIcouldn’tunderstandwhy.Maybeithadn’thitheryet.

“I’msosorry.”Ibawledlikeababy.

“Thetwoofyouhaveaboutfiveminutesleftofcryingtimeandthenitstops.Iwaspreparedfor

this.IknewdeepdownthatIwasn’tgoingtogetbetter.ImadepeacewithitalreadyandIneedyou

bothtodothesame.I’mnotafraidtodie.”

Afterdryingmyeyes,IsteppedoutoftheroomtogiveherandNoahtimealone.Walkingoutof

the hospital, I put on my sunglasses and took a seat on a bench underneath a large tree. The tears

wouldn’tstopfallingandIhadneverfeltsoalone.Shewasmysister,shewasdying,andIhadnoone

to talk to, right here, right now. I tried to call Kellan and he didn’t answer, so I pulled up Drew’s

number.HesaidifIeverneededanythingtocallhim.ButwhatdidIactuallyneed?Tohearhisvoice?

Maybe.No.Iwasn’tgoingtoburdenhimwithmyproblems.IhadneverevenmentionedKristento

him. Anyway, I was sure he’d already forgotten about me and the fact that he even gave me his

number.Ineededtogrowthehellupandpushmyfeelingsaboutthisasidefornowandbetherefor

mysister.Icouldn’tletherseemecrumbleintoamillionpieces.

AsIapproachedherroom,Istoodinthedoorwayandstaredather.

“Wherehaveyoubeen?”shesoftlyspoke.

“Outside,sittingonabenchunderalargetree.”Igentlygrinned.

“Okay.Igetit.YouneededyourtimetoabsorbwhatDr.Jenkinssaid.”

“Where’sNoah?”IaskedasIsatdownontheedgeofherbed.

“He’scallinghisfamily.”Shegrabbedmyhand.“Listen,I’mgoingtomakethemostofthetimeI

haveleftandthatdoesn’tincludewatchingthepeopleIlovebeingupset.Jill,youhavetounderstand

thatIwaspreparedforthis,soit’snotnewstome.”

“Howthefuckareyousostrong?”Ipouted.

“Igetitfrommymom.Shewasn’tafraidtodieandneitheramI.Iknowit’shardonyouandNoah.

If the situation was reversed, I’d be devastated, but I need you to just go on. Live your life as if I

wasn’tdying.IintendtoandI’mgoingtomakeeachdayworthit.Wouldyouliketotakeapainting

classwithme?”Shesmiled.

“Apaintingclass?”Icockedmyhead.

“Yes.I’vealwayswantedtotakeoneand,damnit,I’mgoingtodoitbeforeit’stoolate.”

“I’dlovetotakeapaintingclasswithyou.Wouldyoulikemetosetitup?”

“Nope.I’lldoitandI’llletyouknowwhenitis.”

Ileanedoverandhuggedher.“Youaresobrave,mydearsister.”

“It runs in our family.” She smiled. “You’re the brave one for leaving your family behind and

startinganewlife.Notmanypeoplecandothat.”

“Ididn’tleavemyfamilybehind.You’remyfamilyandallthefamilyIneed.”

Noahwalkedbackintotheroomwithhisparentsand,immediately,hismotherstartedtocry.

“Gohomenow.There’snoreasonforyoutostayandwitnessthis.I’mfineandI’llcallyoulater.”

“Areyousure?”Iasked.

“Verysure.”Shegaveasmallsmile.“Youbettergofixyoureyes.They’reamess.”

“Iknow.”Iputmysunglassesbackon.

IgaveherakissandhuggedNoahgoodbye.AsIsteppedoutofthehospital,theoncebrightblue

sunnyskyhadturnedgrayandnowitwasraining.Iwasn’treadytogohomeyet.Walkingbackinto

thehospital,Istoppedatthegiftshopandpickedupanumbrella.Idecidedtoleavemysunglasseson

to hide the fact that I’d been crying. If I was going to walk around the streets of New York City, I

didn’tneedpeoplestaringatme.

WalkingdownMadisonAve,IstaredstraightaheadasIheldtheumbrellaovermyhead.Myshoes

sloshedonthewetpavementastherainpoureddown.Kristentoldmenottobesad,buthowcouldI

notbe?ShewastheonlypersonIhadleftinthisworldandnowshewasbeingtakenawayfromme.

The rain suddenly stopped and the sun appeared from amongst the clouds. As I was closing my

umbrella, I pulled my ringing phone from my pocket. When I looked down at it, I saw Kellan was

calling.

“Oh,excuseme,”aman’svoicespokeandhishandlightlytouchedmyarmashewalkedby.

“I’msor—”Iturnedaroundandgasped.“Drew?”Ishouted.

Hestoppeddeadinhistracksandstoodthereforasecondbeforeturningaround.

“Jillian?”

“Yes!”Myheartstartedpounding.

Hewalkedtowardsmeandstoppedashestoodthereandstaredatme.

“What—Ican’tbelieve—ohmyGod.”Hewrappedhisarmsaroundme.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Iasked.

“I live here. What are you doing here?” He broke our embrace and stared at me through my

sunglasses.

“Iliveheretoo.ThisiswhereIcamerightfromHawaii.”

His lips curved up into a small smile while he removed my sunglasses from my face. Our eyes

lockedontoeachotherandhissmiledriftedaway.

“You’vebeencrying,”hespokeashetookhisthumbsandtriedtowipeawaythestainsundermy

eyes.“Whathappened?”

“Longstory.”Ilookeddown.

“I’vegotallthetimeintheworld.Doyouwanttogrababitetoeat?Orwecangosomewhereand

talk.”

“Iamstarving.Ihaven’teatenallday.”

“Thenlet’sgogetsomethingtoeat.”HesmiledasheheldhisarmoutandIhookedminearound

his.“There’sSerafina’srightacrossthestreetifyoulikepizzaorpasta.”

“That’sfine.Ireallyneedadrink.”

PerDrew’srequest,wewereseatedinaroundcornerboothawayfromthecrowdthatoccupiedthe

restaurant.

“Hello, my name is Kim and I’ll be taking your order. May I start you off with something to

drink?”

“I’llhaveaglassofMoscato,please,”Ireplied.

“Justbringthewholebottleandtwoglasses,”Drewtoldher.

Hereachedacrossthetableandtookholdofmyhand,gentlyrubbinghisthumbacrossmyskin.

FeelinghiswarmtouchsoothedmeandIstillcouldn’tbelievehewashere.”

“I can’t believe I’m sitting across from you right now.” He smiled. “I thought I’d never see you

again.”

“Iknow,right?Ican’tbelieveiteither.”

“Tellmewhat’swrong,Jillian.Whywereyoucrying?”

Iswallowedhardandthentookinadeepbreath.

“It’smysister,Kristen.”

“Ithoughtyouwereanonlychild?”

“RememberwhenyouaskedifIwasanonlychildandIsaidsortofbutthat’sanotherstory?”

“Yes.Iremember.”

“Ihaveahalf-sisterandhernameisKristen.Shewastheproductofanaffairthatmyfatherhad

years ago. She found me and we connected. About six months ago, she was diagnosed with an

inoperable brain tumor. She went through chemo and radiation with the hopes that the tumor had

shrunk.Butitdidn’tandshewastoldtodaythatthecancerspreadandshehasaboutsixtoninemonths

lefttolive.”Myeyesstartedtowater.

Thewaitresssetdowntwoglassesandpouredsomewineintoeachofthem.

“Excuseme,where’syourrestrooms?”Iasked.

“Rightbehindyou,sweetie.”Shegavemeasadandpatheticlook.

“Holdyourthoughts.”IlookedatDrew.“I’mgoingtocleanmyselfupabit.”

“Okay.Takeasmuchtimeasyouneed.”

ChapterNineteen

Drew

Icouldn’tbelieveshewashereinNewYork.Seeingheragainwasadreamcometrue.Man,the

newsabouthersistertoreatmyheart.Pullingoutmyphone,IcalledLia.

“Mr.Westbrook’soffice.”

“Lia,it’sme.I’mnotcomingbacktotheofficetoday.Clearmyschedule.”

“Iseverythingokay,Drew?”sheasked.

“Everything’sfine.I’lltalktoyoutomorrow.”

JustasIendedthecall,Jillianwalkedbacktothetable.

“Better?”sheasked.

“Ididn’tthinkyoulookedbadtobeginwith.”Ismiled.

ShesatdownandIimmediatelyreachedforherhand.

“I’msorryaboutyoursister.Icanonlyimaginewhatyou’regoingthroughrightnow.”

“Thankyou.Ijustcan’tabsorbit.”

“Howisshedoing?”

Iletoutalightlaugh.“Shewaspreparedforthisandalreadyacceptedit.She’sactinglikeit’sno

bigdealandthat’swhatIcan’tunderstand.AndpoorNoah.”

“Herhusband?”Iasked.

“Her boyfriend. He just sobbed like I’d never seen a man sob before. It’s weird, Drew. She’s so

strong,shedoesn’tseemscared,andshesaidshe’snotafraidtodie.”

“Maybe she isn’t and you need to believe her. Whether you think it’s weird or not, you have to

respectwhatshesaysandhowshefeels.”

“IknowandIdo.Anyway,enoughaboutme.Ican’tbelieveyouliveinNewYork.”

“Ican’tbelieveyoumovedtoNewYork.”Ismirked.

“I’mafraidtoask,”shespokeasshepickedupherglassofwine.“HaveyouheardfromJess?”

Isighed.“Ohyeah.Shecamestormingintomyofficetheotherdaybeggingmetotakeherback.”

“Didyou?”

“Of course not. I told her that she deserved someone who could love her because I didn’t. The

thingiseveryoneishappyIbrokeupwithher.Shewasn’tverypopularwithmyfriendsandfamily.”

“Icanunderstandwhy.”Shelaughed.

“It’sgoodtoseeyoulaugh,Jillian.”

Sheheldupherglasstome.“Thankyouagain,Mr.Westbrook,formakingmyshittydayalittle

lessshitty.”

“It’smypleasure.”Iwinked.WetalkedalittlemorewhileweateandthenIcalledRolandtobring

thecararound.

“Letmedriveyouhome.”

“Icancatchacab.Idon’twantyougoingoutofyourway.”

“It’snotoutofmywayandIwantto.”

RolandpulledupandIopenedthedoorforher.

“It’snotanoption.I’mtakingyouhome.”

“Well,ifyouinsist.”Shesmiled.

Fuck.Icouldn’tevenbegintoexplainthefeelingsthatsoaredthroughme.IwashappyandIdidn’t

wanttosaygoodbye.AllIwantedtodowastellherthatIreallylikedherandthatIwantedtospendas

muchtimewithheraspossible.ButIcouldn’t.Ididn’twanttocauseanywavesorrocktheboat,soto

speak.

“Whereto?”Iasked.

“TheEllingtononWest52

Street,please.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.Why?”

“Noreason.That’sareallynicebuilding.Theyhavesomegreatapartments.”

“Iknow.IjustmovedinafewdaysagoandIabsolutelyloveit.”

There was no way. No way at all she was the one who rented my apartment. It was just a

coincidence.WhenRolandpulleduptothebuilding,Iopenedthedoor,climbedout,andheldoutmy

handtoher.

“Wouldyouliketocomeupandseemyapartment?”sheasked.

Perfect.Iwashopingshe’dasksoIdidn’thaveto.

“I’dloveto.”

As we stepped into the elevator, she pushed the button to the twenty-eighth floor. It was her. The

womanofmydreamswastheonewhorentedmyapartment.

“Well,hereitis.”Shesmiledassheopenedthedoor.

“Nicefurniture.Ilikethecolorscheme.”

“Thanks.Mymomhatesthosecolors.”Shegrinned.

IwalkedaroundthespacethatIoncecalledhome.TellingherthatIwasherlandlordwasgoingto

befun.

“Ilikethewayyouplacedyourfurniture.Ifitwasmyplace,Iwouldhaveputmycouchthisway

andthechairsoverhere.Butthewayyoudiditlooksgreattoo.”

I walked into the bedroom. “My bed would have been placed here. Not where you have it, but it

looks good there.” I winked as she stood there, narrowing her eyes at me. Walking out of the

bedroom and over to the balcony door, I opened it. “Make sure that you have the lock on the knob

unlockedbeforesteppingontothebalcony.It’soneofthosethatdoesn’tfeellikeit’slockedfromthe

inside,butifyouturntheknobfromtheoutside,it’slocked.See.”Ismiled.“Youwouldn’twanttoget

lockedoutthere.It’snotfun.”

“Howdidyouknowthat?”Sheshookherheadinconfusion.

With a grin, I held out my hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Miss Bell. I’m Drew Westbrook, your

landlord.”

“Huh?”Hereyeswidened.

“Nohandshakeforyourlandlord?”

Shegentlyplacedherhandinmine.“Waitaminute!Thisisyourapartment?!”

Ichuckled.“Yes.Thisismyapartment.”

“Andyouusedtolivehere?”

“Yes,beforeIboughtmytownhouse.Ikeptitforaninvestment.”

Sheplacedherhandsonherhead.“Thisisliterallyfuckingcrazy,Drew.”

“Iknow.”Ilaughed.

“SoyouknewIwashereinNewYork?”

“No. Everything is handled through my realtor. Rick just called and told me that a nice young

womanrentedit.Ihadnoclueitwasyou.”

Placingmyhandsonherhips,Ispoke,“Weird,right?”

“Ihavenowordsrightnow.Thisistotallycrazy.”Shesmiled.

AllIwantedtodowasfeelthesoftnessofherlipsagain.AsIstaredintoherblueeyes,shestared

backatme.ShouldIriskit?Maybeshedidn’twantmetokissher?ButI’dneverknowuntilItriedand

Iwasn’tabouttoletthisopportunityescapeme.Brushingastrandofhairfromherface,Ituckedit

behind her ear and leaned in, brushing my lips against hers. She returned my kiss and placed her

handsonmychest.Ourtonguessoftlytangledasourlipsgentlytouched.Nothinghotandheavyyet.I

neededtorespectherboundaries.

“Icouldn’tstopthinkingaboutyousinceIleftHawaii,”Iquietlyspokeinbetweenkisses.

“Icouldn’teither.”

Ibrokeourkiss.“Youcouldn’tstopthinkingaboutyoueither?”Ismirked.

Herhandlightlysmackedmychest.

“No.Ithoughtaboutyouallthetime.”

“Thenwhydidn’tyoucall?”

Shesighedandturnedherbacktome.“Idid.”

Asmilecrossedmylips.“Theothernight?Thatwasyou?”

“Yeah.Sorryaboutthat.Ijust—”Shepaused.

“Justwhat,Jillian?”

“Ijustwantedtohearafamiliarvoice.”

Wrappingmyarmsaroundherfrombehind,Ikissedthesideofherneck.

“I’mhappyyoudid.ButIdohaveaquestion.”

“What?”Sheturnedaroundinmyarms.

“YoucouldhaveeasilyknownthatIwasfromNewYorkjustbytheareacode.”

“Oh.Tobehonest,Ididn’tevenpayattention.”

“Doyouwantmetoleave?”IaskedasIranmythumbacrossherlips.

“It’sprobablyforthebest.Rightnowisn’tagoodtime.”

“You’reright.I’mhappyyou’rehere.”IsmiledasIkissedherforehead.“Givemeacall,okay?

Anddon’thaveyournumberonprivate.”

“IwillandIwon’t.”

ChapterTwenty

Jillian

DrewgavemeonemorekissbeforeIwalkedhimtothedoor.

“Bye,Jillian.”Hesmiledasheranhishandacrossmycheek.

“Bye,Drew.”

HewalkedoutandIshutthedoor.IhadthoughtaboutthatmansincethedayImethimandIjustlet

himwalkout.Ohhellno.WhatwasIthinking?Fuckmyjourneyforrightnow.Iwantedsexwithhim

again.Ineededsexwithhim.Iopenedthedoorandsteppedoutintothehallway.

“Drew!”Ishoutedashewasabouttostepontotheelevator.

“Somethingwrong?”Heturnedandlookedatme.

“Yeah.Idon’twantyoutogo.”Ismiled.“See,Ihavethisbrandnewbedthatneedstobebroken

in.”

Suddenly,thedooracrossfrommeopenedandanelderlywomanstoodtherestaringatme.

“Hi,Mrs.Lowe.”Drewwavedashewalkedtowardsme.

“Hello,Drew.Nicetoseeyouagain.What’sgoingonouthere?”

“Nothing.Justdroppedbytomeetmynewtenant.”

“Hmm.”Shelookedmeupanddown,gavemeawink,andthenshutherdoor.

“Oops.”IlaughedasIplacedmyhandovermymouth.

“Nowtakemetothisnewbedofyours.”Drewsmiledasheplacedhisarmaroundme.

“Sinceyoulivedhere,whydon’tyouleadtheway?”

Drewpickedmeup,kissedmylips,andthentookmetothebedroom.Gentlylayingmedownon

the bed, he hovered over me as his lips pressed tightly against mine. His erection pressed firmly

againstme,makingmydesireforhimevenstronger.Itiltedmyheadbacksohistonguecouldstroke

myneck.EventhoughI’donlyfeltitonetimebefore,itwasincredibleenoughformetoremember.

Softmoansescapedmeashishandcreptupmyshirtandbrushedagainstthefabricofmybra,pulling

thecupdownandrunninghisfingersalongmyhardenednipple.

“Icouldn’tstopthinkingaboutournighttogether,”hewhispered.

“Meeither,”Ispokebreathlessly.

Heclimbedoffofmeandunbuttonedhisshirt.Slidingitoffhisshoulders,Igaspedatthesightof

hisrippedbody,somethingIhadlongedtoseeagain.Sittingup,Iliftedmyshirtovermyheadand

tossedittothesideandthentookdownmypantsasDrewtookdownhis.

“Leaveyourpantieson.”Hesmiled.“Iwanttotakethemoffmyself.”

IswallowedhardasIcouldfeelthewetnesspourfrommealready.Heleanedoverandhishands

reachedbehindandunhookedmybra.Slowlytakingonestrapdownatatime,hekissedmyshoulders

beforeremovingmybracompletelyandthrowingitonthefloor.

“Youaredropdeadgorgeous,”hespokeashismouthexploredeachbreast.

Pushingmedownonmyback,hehoveredovermeonceagainandhishandfounditswaytomy

wetspotashisfingersgentlyplayedwithmeandhislipswereonmine.Excitementtorethroughme

likeafiercestorm.

“Fuck,you’resowet.”Hebrokeourkiss.“Iwanttotasteyouagain.”Hiseyesboreintomine.

“Iwantyouto,”Ispokewithbatedbreath.

HishandstookholdofmywaistasIarchedmybackinanticipationforwhathewasabouttodoto

me.Thelightstrokeofhistongueagainstmyclitsetmybodyonfireanditwasn’ttoolongbeforean

earth-shatteringorgasmfelluponme.

“OhmyGod!”Iyelpedasmyhandstangledthroughhishairwhilehisfacewasbetweenmylegs.

OnceIcamedownfrommyorgasm,histongueslidupmyslickspot,tomyabdomenandover

each breast while his fingers dipped inside me. He had just sent me to the moon and back and

everythingthatIwasgoingthroughinmylifesuddenlydisappeared.

“Ineedtobeinsideyou,babe.Areyoustillonbirthcontrol?”

“Yes.Butwait.”

Ithoughtitwasonlyrighttorepaythefavor.Ibegantositupandherolledoffofme.

“What’swrong?”

“Nothing.”Ismiled.“Situp.”Ilightlywrappedmyfingersaroundhishard,throbbingcock.

ThesmileonhisfacegrewwideasIscootedoffthebedandgotdownonmyknees.Heinchedhis

bodyclosertotheedgeasmylipswrappedthemselvesaroundhismanhood.

“Jesus,Jillian.OhmyGod.Thatfeelssoincredible.”

HishandsplacedthemselvesonmyheadasIcontinuedtoexplorehimwithmymouth.

“AsmuchasIlovethis,youneedtostoporI’mgoingtocome.Getuphere,”hecommanded.

Removingmymouthandslowlylickingmylips,Iclimbedontopofhimandsmiled.

“Ihopeyouenjoyedthat.”

“Youhavenoidea.”Hegrabbedthebackofmyheadandbroughtmedowntohislips.

Rollingmeover,hehoveredovermeashequicklythrustinsideme.Gaspingashisentirelength

devouredme,Iwrappedmylegsaroundhiswaistashisthrustsbecamefasteranddeeper.

“Isthishowyoulikeit?”heaskedbreathlessly.

“Yes.Ohyes.”Mybodypreparedforanotherorgasm.

“You’regoingtocomewithme.I’mgoingtoholdbackaslongasIcanuntilyou’reready.Got

it?”

Inoddedmyheadasoureyeslockedontoeachother.Myheartwasracingatthespeedoflightand

mybodytemperaturewasonfullheat.HepoundedintomelikeIhadneverbeenbeforeandIlovedit.

Iwantedhimtotakemeashardashecould.

“Areyouready?”heasked.

“Yes,”Ibreathlesslyspokeasmybodyreleaseditselftohim.

Histhrustingslowedashemoanedandthenhepushedonelasttimedeepinside,fillingmeupwith

hiscome.Heloweredhisheadandbrushedhislipsagainstminebeforecollapsingontopofmeand

wrappinghisarmssecurelyaroundmyneck.Welaythere,tryingtocatchourbreathandtakinginthe

pleasurewebothhadgiveneachother.

Herolledoffofmeandlayonhisback.Rollingonmyside,Iranmyhandalonghischest.

“Youokay?”Ismiled.

“Fantastic.Howaboutyou?”

“I’mgreat.Ibetyouthoughtyou’dneverhavesexinthisplaceagain.”

“No.Never.”Hechuckled.

Iglancedoverattheclock.Itwasseven.

“It’sonlyseveno’clock.Nowwhat?”Iasked.

“Doyouwantmetogo?”

“No.Idon’t.”

“Ifyou’rehungry,wecanorderin.”

“Wecouldbutthatkindofposesaproblem.”

“Whatproblemisthat?”

“Idon’thaveanydishesorsilverware.Ihadn’thadachancetogetallthatyet.”

“Well,thestoresdon’tcloseforanothertwohours.Let’sgobuyyousomedishes.”

“Now?”Iscrunchedupmyface.

“Whynot?It’llbefun.Wheredoyouwanttogo?”

“Idon’tknow.Inevershoppedfordishesbefore.”

“Holdonasecond.”Hegotupandtookhisphonefromhispantspocket.“Hey,Jane.Where’sa

goodplacetogotobuydishesandsilverware?Great.Thankyou.I’llexplainlater.Janesaidtogoto

BedBath&Beyond.”

“AndwhoisJane?”Iasked.

“She’smyhousekeeper.”Hesmiledashepulledonhispants.

“Ah.Yes.Youwouldhaveahousekeeper.”

“IdoandIloveher.”

Icouldn’thelpbutlaughatthecuteexpressiononhisface.Climbingoffthebed,Igotdressedand

weheadedoutthedoortoBedBath&Beyond.

ChapterTwenty-One

Drew

WewerewalkingthroughBedBath&Beyond,headingovertothesectionwherethedisheswere

ondisplaywhen,outofthecornerofmyeye,IspottedJess.

“Ah,shit!”

“What’swrong?”Jillianasked.

“IjustsawJessoverthere.”

“Oh.That’snotgood.”Sheopenedherpurseandputonhersunglasses.

“Whatareyoudoing?”

“Goingincognito.ShewouldneverthinkIwashere,soI’msureshewouldn’trecognizeme.”We

shouldstayatadistancefromeachotherincasesheseesyou.Idon’twantascenebeingcaused.”

“True.Fuck.”Ishookmyhead.

JillianwalkedaheadofmeandIfollowedbehind.Oncewemadeittowherethedisheswere,we

stayedatadistance.GoodthingwedidbecauseIsawJesswalkingtowardsme.

Shit.Shit.Shit.Thiswasn’tgoingtobepretty.

“Well,well.Whatintheworldareyoudoinghere?”sheaskedashereyesnarrowedatme.

“Idon’tthinkthat’sanyofyourbusiness,Jess.Butifyoumustknow,I’mlookingtobuysomenew

dishes.”

“Why?Andwouldn’tJanedothatforyou?”

“Iliketopickoutmyowndishes.Nowifyou’llexcuseme.”

“Don’tyouwanttoknowwhyI’mhere?”

“Notparticularly.No.”

“Too fucking bad, Drew. I’m going to tell you anyway.” Her voice began to get loud. “I’m here

buyingnewbeddingbecauseIcan’tsleepontheonesyouslepton.Itmakesmesick.”

Iarchedmybrowather.“Okay.Whileyou’reit,whydon’tyoujustgoandbuyawholenewbed?”

IheardJilliansnickerfromafewfeetaway.

“MaybeIwill,andfortherecord,you’reatotalasshole.Thenexttimewerunintoeachother,do

meafavoranddon’tapproachme.”

“You’retheonewhocameoverhere.Notme.Ihavenointerestinspeakingtoyoueveragain.”

“Ugh.”Tearsstartedtofillhereyes.“Enjoyyourboringpatheticlife.”

“Iwill.Don’tyouworryaboutthat.”

Sheturnedonherheelsandpushedhercartdowntheaisleasfastasshecould.Iwatchedasshe

stoodinline,waitingforthenextavailablecashier.

“Sorryyouhadtowitnessthat,”IspokeasIturnedtoJillian.

“Noworries.She’sstillbrokenupoveryou.”

“Toobad.Sheneedstomoveon.”

“Ihaveafeelingthatgettingoveryouisn’teasy.”Shesmirked.

Givingherasmallsmile,Ikissedthesideofherhead.“Let’sgetyousomedishesandgetthehell

outofhere.”

Whenwearrivedbackatherapartment,Ihelpedherunpackandputthedishesinthecupboard.

“Whyareyouputtingthemoverthere?”Iasked.

“BecausethisiswhereIwantthem.”Shesmiled.

“Butit’smoreconvenientforthemtobeplacedinthiscupboard.”

“I’msorry,butdoyouliveherestill?”

Isighed.“Sorry.Oldhabits.Wehaven’teatensincelunchandI’mstarving.Howaboutwegoeatat

thatlittleChineserestaurantdownthestreet?”

“Soundsgoodtome.”

Shehadherlaptopsittingonthecounterandacallcamethrough.

“Ihavetogetthis.It’sKellanandwe’vebeenplayingphonetagtoday.”

“Who’sKellan?”

“Mybestfriend.You’llsee.”

Sheacceptedthecallandhisfaceappearedonthescreen.

“Hey,JillyBean.Wherethehellhaveyoubeenallday?”

“Hereandthere.There’safewthingsIneedtotellyou,butnowisn’tagoodtime.”

“Why?”

“I’mwithsomeonerightnow,”shespoke.

“Hmm. Just by you saying ‘someone’ indicates that it’s of the male species. Because if it was

Kristen,youwouldhavesaidyouwerewithher.Whoishe,Bean?Letmesee?”

Shelookedacrosstheroomatmeandthenturnedherlaptoparound.

“Drew,meetKellan.KellanmeetDrew.”

Igavehimawaveandasmile.“Nicetomeetyou.”

Hestaredatmeasifhewasatalossforwords.JillianmusthavetoldhimaboutmefromHawaii.

“Nicetomeetyoutoo,Drew.JillianKathrynBell.Whatisgoingon?”

“HowfunnyisitthatDrewlivesinNewYorktoo?Okay,gottogo,mylove.We’reheadingoutto

dinner.”

“Wait!Don’tyoudareendthecall.Iwantdetails!”heshouted.

“Tomorrow.Bye,Kel.”Sheendedthecall.

Icouldn’thelpbutlaugh.“JillyBean?”Iasked.

“Petname.Helovesme.He’sbeencallingmethatsincewewerethirteenyearsold.”

“It’scute.Ilikeit.”Iwinked.

“Don’tyoudare,Mr.Westbrook.”

ShegrabbedherpurseandwewalkeddowntotheChineserestaurant.

****

Jillian

Asweweresittingintherestauranteating,DrewaskedmetotellhimaboutKellan.SoIdid.

“He’sthebestfriendanyonecouldeverhave.Thethingshedidforme.Wow.”

“Whatdidhedoforyou?”heasked.

Iswallowedhard.“Drew,I’materribleperson.”Ilookeddowninshame.

“Noyou’renot.Don’tsaythat.”Hereachedacrossthetableandplacedhishandonmine.

“No,actually,Iam.RememberwhenItoldyouthatIbookedtheflighttoHawaiifora‘justincase’

IdecidedtoleaveGrant?”

“Yeah.Iremember.”

“Ihaditplannedallalong.”

Hisbrowsfurrowed.“Whatdoyoumean?”

“I purposely waited for that day to leave him. It was the perfect plan and Kellan went to great

lengthstohelpme.”

“Why?”heaskedinconfusion.

“BecauseIwantedrevengeonhimandmyparentsforwhattheydidtome.Mostlymyparents.But

Granthaditcoming.Ialreadytoldyouthathewasacheaterandaliar.”

“AndhowdidyouandKellanplanthissometiculously?”Drewcockedhishead.

“Well.”Isighed.“WheredoIbegin?Aboutthreemonthsbeforethewedding,Iplacedanadunder

analiasnameonCraig’sListformyweddingdresstobeshippedoutthedayaftermywedding.”

“Didyousellit?”

“Yeah. A nice woman in Wisconsin who couldn’t afford a wedding dress bought it for $50.” I

smiled.“Afifteen-thousand-dollarweddingdressforfiftybucks.Patriciawouldbesopissed.”

Drewpickeduphisglassandtookasipofhisdrink.“Lookatitthisway.Youmadesomeonewho

couldn’taffordaweddingdressfeellikeaqueen.”Hesmiled.

“I guess. So all in all, some good came out of what I did. A couple of days before the wedding,

Kellanwentandboughtmeanewphoneandherentedahotelroom.”

“Whythehotelroom?”

“That’swhere I keptmy luggage formy one-way ticket outof Seattle, whichby the way, Kellan

purchasedforme.BeforeIleftthechurch,Icalledacabfrommyoldphoneandhadhimmeetmeat

Pier59.Ididafactoryresetandsetitonthechairnexttomyring.OnceIleftthechurch,Ihadthe

limodrivertakemetoPier59andthenIclimbedintothecabandtookittothehotel.Ichangedoutof

mydress,grabbedeverythingIneeded,andhoppedonaplane.”

“Didyoupayoffthelimodriver?”Hesmirked.

“Isuredid.Exceptheopenedhismouthtomyparents,whoapparentlypaidhimmorethanIdid.”

“Ouch.Whatadick.”

“Yeah.Excepthedidn’ttellmyparentsthatIgotintoacab.Thenextday,Kellanwenttothehotel,

boxeduptheweddingdress,sentitofftoWisconsin,andcheckedoutofthehotel.”

“Sonopapertrailonyourend?”

“Nope.Ileftallmycreditcardsathomeandmybankaccountuntouched.”

“Ifit’snottoopersonal,howareyoupayingforeverything?”

“When my grandmother died, and I turned twenty-one, she left me four million dollars in an

offshoreaccountthatwasuntraceablebecausesheknewIwouldneeditsomeday.”

“Soyouliterallyvanished.”

“Yep.Isuredid.”Ismiled.

“Remindmenevertocrossyou.”Hewinked.

“Theymademethatway,Drew.I’mnotreallythatperson.Ijustneededtoescapeandfindme.Not

theJillianBelltheymade.”

“Iunderstand.Youdidwhatyouhadtodo.Thatdoesn’tmakeyouabadperson.”

“Thanks.ButsomehowIstillfeellikeitdoes.”

“Comeon.I’mgoingtotakeyouhomenow.It’sgettinglateandIhaveanearlymeeting.”

AssoonasRolandpulleduptomybuilding,Drewwalkedmeuptomyapartment.

“Thankyouformakingmyshittydayalittlelessshitty.”

“Itwasmypleasure.”Heplacedhisthumbonmychin.“I’mhappyyou’rehere.”Heleanedinand

brushedhislipsagainstmine.

“Goodnight,Jillian.”

“Goodnight,Drew.”

He turned and began to walk down the hallway. Pulling my phone from my purse, I dialed his

numberandwatchedasheansweredhisphone.

“DrewWestbrook.”

“Hi.Nowyouhavemynumber.”

Heturnedaroundashislipsgavewaytoasexysmile.“IndeedIdo.”

Stepping inside my apartment, I headed to the bathroom and turned on the water for a hot bath.

Afterpouringacapfuloflavender-scentedbubblebath,Istrippedoutofmyclothesandclimbedinto

thewarm,soothingwater.Myheadwasamess.MysisterwasdyingandIwasreunitedwithaman

whom I never thought I’d see again. A man I couldn’t give my heart to, even if I wanted, because I

didn’tknowwhothatheartbelongedto.

ChapterTwenty-Two

Drew

I hated leaving her, but I had no choice. I had to be at the office in the morning by seven, and I

wouldhavehadtohavegottenupreallyearlytoleaveherplacetocomehomeandgetready.Today

confirmedwhatIalreadyknew.IwasinlovewithJillianBell.ThisstrongfeelingwassomethingI’d

neverfeltbefore.I’dneverfeltthiswayaboutanywomanIhadeverdated,includingmyex-fiancée.

AllIwantedtodowasholdhertightandtellherthateverythingwasgoingtobeokay.Whatthefuck

wasIdoing?Sheshouldn’tbealonetonightafterhearingthenewsabouthersister.Fuckit.Iwentinto

my closet, grabbed a suit, packed a small bag, and took a cab back over to her place since I sent

Rolandhome.Whethersheneededmeornot,Iwasgoingtobethere.

AsIstoodoutsideherdoor,Itookmyphonefrommypocketandcalledher.

“Hello,”hersoftvoiceanswered.

“Hi.Cometoyourdoor.”

“Drew?”

“Yeah.It’sme.”

Iheardthelocksunlockingandsheopenedthedoorasherphonewasstillpressedtoherear.

“Idon’tthinkyoushouldbealonetonight,”IspokeasIstaredintoherbeautifulblueeyes.

“Iagree.”Shesmiled.

Islippedmyphonebackinmypocketandsteppedinsideherapartment.Shetookholdofmyhand

and led me to the bedroom. After stripping out of my clothes and setting my alarm, I climbed in

whereIwrappedmyarmstightlyaroundherandshesnuggledagainstmychest.Neitherofusspokea

singleword.Ikissedthetopofherheadandwebothdriftedofftosleep.

The annoying sound of my alarm going off woke me out of a deep sleep. Letting out a moan, I

reachedoverandturneditoff.Jillianstirredandopenedhereyes.

“Goodmorning.”Herlipsgavewaytoasleepysmile.

“Good morning. Go back to sleep. I’m just going to take a shower and get ready for work. I

promisetobequiet.”

“Nah.I’mgood.I’llgomakeussomecoffeewhileyou’reintheshower.”Herlipspressedagainst

mychest.

“Youdon’thaveto,Jillian.”

“Iwantto,Drew.Nowshushupandgotakeyourshower.”

“Ifyouinsist,Madame.”Irolledontopofherandkissedhersoftlips.

Aftergettingoutoftheshower,Iwrappedatowelaroundmywaistandwalkedtothekitchen.

“Hereyougo,sir.OnefreshcupofcoffeeinabrandnewstylishmugcomplimentsofBedBath&

Beyond.”

Ichuckled.“Thankyou.Ifyoudon’tmind,I’mgoingtotakeitinthebathroomwithmesoIcan

finishgettingreadyforwork.”

“Idon’tmindatall.I’lltakeminebacktobedwithme.”

SheclimbedintobedwhileIshavedinthebathroom.

“Sotellmehowitfelttotakeashowerinyouroldshower.”

“Weird,”Ireplied.“Whatareyourplansfortoday?”

“Kristenisgettingoutofthehospital,soI’mgoingtospendthedaywithher.”

“Goodidea.”

“Anythingexcitinggoingonatworktoday?”sheasked.

“Ifyouconsiderspendingthedayinmeetings,thenyes.Thedaywillbefilledwithexcitement.”

OnceIfinishedshaving,IwalkedintothebedroomandstaredatJillianasshesippedhercoffee

andcheckedherphone.Godshewassobeautifulandmycockwasstartingtogethardjustlookingat

her.I’dneverwantedtomakelovetoanyonelikeIwantedtowithher.Fuckit.Iwalkedovertothe

nightstand,pickedupmyphone,andcalledLia.

“It’sme.I’mrunninglatethismorning,sotellHarrisonI’llbetheresoon.Ihavesomebusinessto

takecareoffirstbeforeIheadintotheoffice.”IsmiledatJillian.

“Andwhatkindofbusinesswouldthatbe?”Jillianasked.

“Oh, I think you know exactly what I’m talking about.” I removed my towel and climbed on the

bed.

****

Jillian

“CanIseeyoulater?”DrewaskedasIwalkedhimtothedoor.

“Idon’tknow.ItdependsonKristen.”

“Iunderstand.”Hekissedme.“Callmelater,okay?”

“Okay.”Ismiled.

AsIpouredmyselfanothercupofcoffee,acallcamethroughonmylaptop.

“Goodmorning,Bean.Iwashopingyouwereup.ItakeityourguestspentthenightsinceIdidn’t

hearfromyou.”

“He sure did.” I smiled as I leaned over the counter with my hands tightly wrapped around my

coffeemug.

“Howfuckingfreakyisthiswholething?”

“Youhaven’theardthefreakiestpartyet.”Ibitdownonmybottomlip.

“OhmyGod,tellme.”

“TheapartmentI’mrentingishisoldapartment.He’smyfreakinglandlord.”

“Shutthefuckup!You’relying.”

“Iswearonmygrandmother ’sgrave.”Ihelduptwofingers.

Hisjawdroppedandhewasspeechless.“Okay,Jill,thisisalltooweird.Likecrazyuniverseshit

weird.”

“Iknow,right?Anyway,Ihavesomethingtotellyou.”Mylightmoodturnedsomber.

“What’swrong?”

“Thechemoandradiationhasn’thelpedKristenandthecancerhasspread.She’sdying,Kel.The

doctorsgavehersixtoninemonths.”Tearsfilledmyeyes.

“Jesus,Jill.I’msosorry.IcanbeonthenextflighttoNewYork.”

“It’sokay.Justcomethisweekendlikeplanned.Iknowwithworkandeverything,it’shard.”

“Fuck.Areyouokay?Ofcourseyou’renot.Thatwasastupidquestion.”

“I’mhanginginthere.Infact,I’mgettingreadytoheadtothehospital.”

“All right, go. I’ll talk to you later and I want to hear all about Hawaii guy. I thought you said

you’reinaman-freezone.Iknewitwouldn’tlast.”Hesmirked.

“I’ll be honest with you, Kel. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. My head has so much shit

goingthroughitrightnow.”

“Maybeyouneedtogotalktoashrinkorsomething.”

“MaybeIdo.I’lltalktoyoulater.”Iblewhimakiss.

“Bye,Bean.”

Kellanwasright.MaybeIdidneedtotalktosomeone.Grabbingmyphonefromthecounter,Isent

Noahatextmessage.

“Morning.WhenisKristenbeingreleased?”

“Morning,Jill.We’reonourwayhomenow.Shewantstoseeyou.”

“TellherI’monmyway.”

ChapterTwenty-Three

Drew

AsIsteppedintotheconferenceroom,HarrisonandLancebothglaredatme.

“You’relate,Drew.YouknowhowIhatetobekeptwaiting,”Harrisonspoke.

Nooneandnothingwasgoingtoruinmygoodmoodtoday.

“Well,Harrison,somethingsareworthbeinglatefor.”IsmirkedasItookaseatacrossfromhim.

“Is that so? Then maybe there’s another company out there that would respect my time and the

contracttomynewsoftwareprogram.”

Isighed.“Ifthat’showyoufeel,thenyou’refreetoleave.”

“Holdupasecond,”Lanceinterjectedandshotmealook.

Harrisonnarrowedhiseyesashestaredatme.OrshouldIsayglaredatme.

“I’mserious,Harrison.Ifmebeinglatehasyouallhotandbothered,thenmaybeyoushouldfind

anothercompanyforyoursoftware.ButIwilltellyouthis;youcametousforareason.Thisismy

companyandIdecidewhomIwanttodobusinesswith,andrightnow,Idon’tcareforyourattitude.

Youthinkyoursoftwareisunique?Icanfindsomeoneelsewithsomethingjustasgood,soit’sno

skinoffmyback.”

“Drew!”Lancesnapped.

Harrisonsatthere,contemplatinghisnextwords.

“Youknowwhat,Drew,Ilikeyou.YouhaveballsandballsiswhatIneedformycompany.Solet’s

getstarted,shallwe?”

Afterourmeetingendedandthecontractsweresigned,IshookHarrison’shandandwalkedhimto

thedoor.

“Whatthefuckwasthatallabout?”Lanceasked.“Andwhywereyoulate?”

“She’shere.”IsmiledasIgrabbedthecontractsandheadedbacktomyoffice.

“Who’shere?”Lanceaskedashefollowedbehind.

“Jillian.ThegirlImetontheplaneandspentsometimewithinHawaii.”

“Huh?She’shereinNewYork?”

“Yes.Weranintoeachotheryesterdayonthestreet.Wehadlunch,talked,didsomeshopping,and

Idon’tthinkIneedtotellyouwhathappenednext.”

“Soyouwerelatebecauseyouhadsexwithherthismorning?”

“Yep.”Itookaseatbehindmydesk.

“Okay.”Henoddedhishead.“That’sadamngoodexcuseforbeinglate.Sonowwhat?Areyou

twoofficiallydating?”

“I don’t know, to be honest. Remember I told you she was on that self-discovery journey? We

hadn’ttalkedaboutwhathappensnext.Shejustfoundoutyesterdaythathersisterisdying.”

“Man, that sucks.” He looked at his watch. “But what matters is that you were reunited with her.

You’reDrewWestbrookandyoualwaysgetwhatyouwant.Rememberthat.Ihavetogo.Ihavethat

meetingwiththetechdepartment.I’llfillyouinlater.”

Afterhewalkedoutofmyoffice,myphonepingedwithatextmessagefromJane.

“Mr.Drew.Youdidn’tsleepinyourbedlastnightandyouweren’thomethismorning.I’mdyingto

knowwhyyouweregoingtolookatdishes.”

Icouldn’thelpbutlaugh.

“I’llfillyouinwhenIgethome.Ipromise.”

“Youbetter.”

Iwashappy.Actually,Iwasfan-fucking-tastic.Ididn’tknowifI’deverfeltsogood.Havingher

here in New York, in my apartment, was euphoric to me. I had missed her so much and I worried

aboutherbeingoutintheworldallalone.Butnow,shenolongerhadtobealoneandIwasgoingto

makesureshewasn’t.

****

Jillian

WhenIwalkedintoKristenandNoah’sapartment,IfoundKristensittingonthecouch,drinkinga

cupofcoffee.

“Hey.”Iforcedasmile.

“Hey,you.Comehere.”Sheheldoutherarmstome.“Howareyou?”

Seriously?She’stheonewhojustfoundoutshe’sdyingandshe’saskingmehowIam?

“I’mokay.Howareyou?”IaskedasIlookedatthegorgeousbigrockonherfinger.“Whatthe—”

“Heaskedmelastnight.Apparently,he’shadthisringforawhileandwasgoingtoaskmeonour

datinganniversary.”

“OhmyGod!It’sgorgeous.I’msohappyforyou!”Isqueezedhertight.

“Thanks.Willyouhelpmeplanmywedding?WewanttogetmarriedassoonaspossiblesinceI

don’thavemuchtimeleft.”

Myheart.Fuck.TheacheIfeltwhenshesaidthatnearlysentmeintoacryingfit.Butshewouldn’t

wantthat,soIhadtoholdmycomposure.I’dfallapartlater.

“OfcourseI’llhelpyou.”Tearsfilledmyeyes.Shit.

“Whyareyoucrying?”sheaskedwithapout.

“BecauseI’msohappyforyouandNoah.”

“Butyou’rethinkingwhybothersinceIwon’tbealiveformuchlonger,”shespoke.

Icouldn’tbelieveshejustsaidthatasIplacedmyhandsovermymouth.

“NO!I’mnotthinkingthatatall.Whywouldyousaythat?”

A small smile crossed her lips. “Because that’s what everyone will think. I love Noah more than

lifeitselfandhewantsustobemarried,evenifitisforashortwhile.We’vetalkedsomuchabout

marriage in the past and I’m not going to let fucking cancer keep me from marrying my prince

charming.”

“Iloveyou,Kristen.”

“Iloveyoutoo.Sowhatdidyoudoyesterdayafteryouleftthehospital?Iwasworriedthatyouhid

outinyourapartmentandcriedallday.”

“You’renevergoingtobelieveit.You’rejustnot.”IsmiledasIslowlyshookmyhead.

Hereyenarrowedasshetiltedherheadtotheside.

“OhGod,Jill.Whatdidyoudo?”

“Well,”Islowlyspoke.

“Ugh.Stopit!Spititout!”Shegrabbedholdofmyhands.

“YesterdayafterIleftthehospital,Idecidedtotakeawalk.WhereIwaswalkingto,Ihadnoclue.

AllIknewwasthatIneededtowalkandIranintosomeoneonthestreet.”

“Shit.Don’ttellmeitwasGrantoryourparents.”

“IranintoDrew.”

“Shut up!” She cupped her hands over her mouth. “Drew from Hawaii? Drew that you had sex

with?”

“Yes.Thatwouldbehim.”

“And?”

“Wehadlunch,wentbacktomyplace,hadsex,wenttoBedBath&Beyondtobuysomedishes,

wenttodinner,hedroppedmeoffathome,wesaidgoodbyeandthenhecamebackwithinanhour,

spentthenight,andthenwehadsexagainthismorning.”

“Wait.YouthrewmeoffwhenyousaidyouwenttoBedBath&Beyond.”Shelaughed.

Ishrugged.“Weweregoingtoorderdinnerin,butIdidn’thaveanydishestoeaton.So,wewent

andboughtsome.Butwait.There’smoreandyou’regoingtofreakthefuckout.Areyouready?”

“Wait.Letmetakeinadeepbreathfirst.Okay.Go.”

“He’smylandlord.I’mhistenant.Goahead,freakthefuckoutnow.”

“I’msorry,what?”sheaskedinconfusion.

“TheapartmentthatI’mrentingishisoldapartment.I’mrentingitfromHIM.”

Kristensatthere,staringatme,withoutevenblinking.

“Justhoursafteryouleftyourfiancéatthealtar,youmetamanonaplanetoHawaii.Youended

upatthesamehotel,hungoutwithhimandhisgirlfriend.Hebreaksupwithhisgirlfriend,youspend

the day together, have sex and then say goodbye. You move to New York, unknowingly rent an

apartmentthatbelongstothatmanyoumetonaplanetoHawaiiandrunintoeachotheronthestreet,

whichneitheroneofyouhadknowledgethattheotheronewashere.Correct?”

“Yes.Soundsaboutright.”

“He’syoursoulmate,Jill.Allthefuckingsignsarethere.”

“Shutup.Idon’tbelieveinsoulmates.”

“You don’t have to believe, baby sister. The universe led you to him. You were meant to leave

Grantonthatveryday,orelseyouwouldhavelefthisdumbasswaybeforethat.Butno.Itwasthat

day.ThedayyouandDrewwereonthesameflighttoHawaii.”

“You’recrazy.”Ismiled.“It’sallacoincidence.Plus,hewasn’tevensupposedtobeonmyflight.

Theearlierflighthewasongotcancelledduetomechanicalproblems,sotheairlinesputhimonmy

plane.”

“Ahha!”sheyelledasshepointedherfingeratme.“Andhisseatjustsohappenedtobenextto

yours. Wake up, Jill.” She grabbed hold of my shoulders and lightly shook me. “Drew is the man

you’resupposedtobewith.”

Irolledmyeyes.“I’mnotsupposedtobewithanyone.I’monajourneytofindmyself;toknow

whoIam.”

“Duh,andyourjourneyledyoutohim.”

“ButIreallyhadn’tevenstartedmyjourneyyetwhenImethim,”Ispoke.

“Thenheisyourjourney.Maybeyou’resupposedtogoonajourneywithhim.”

“No.That’sridiculous.Ineedtojourneyalone.”

“Ugh.Igiveup.”Shethrewherhandsupintheair.

Icouldn’thelpbutlaugh.“Enoughaboutme.Let’stalkwedding!”

ChapterTwenty-Four

Drew

Beforeleavingtheofficeforthenight,IpulledoutmyphoneandcalledJillian.

“Hello,”sheanswered.

AwidesmilecrossedmyfacewhenIheardhersweetvoice.

“Hi.”

“Iwascallingtoseeifyouhadanyplansfortonight.”

“Idon’t.Whatdidyouhaveinmind?”sheasked.

“JaneiscookingafabulousmealandIwaswonderingifyou’dliketohavedinneratmyplace.”

“Iwouldlovetohavedinneratyourhouse.”

“Icanpickyouup.”

“IhaveacoupleofthingstodofirstafterIleaveKristen’s.Givemeyouraddressandtellmea

time.”

“Well,it’sfiveo’clocknow.Issevengoodforyou?”

“Sevenisgood.”

“Great.Theaddressis132East71

Street.I’llseeyouinacoupleofhours.”

“Seeyouthen.Bye,Drew.”

“Bye,Jillian.”

YES!Isilentlyshoutedtomyselfandwalkedoutofmyoffice.

“I’mgoinghomeforthenight,Lia.Isuggestyoudothesame.”Ismiled.

“IhavetofinishthesecontractsfirstandthenI’llleave.”

“Noneed.Youcanfinishtheminthemorning.Goenjoyyourevening.”

Hereyenarrowedatmeandasmallsmilecrossedherlips.

“You’reinanexceptionalmood.”

“I am. Aren’t I?” I smirked. “Remember that woman I met in Hawaii? The one I had you check

on?”

“Yes.Iremember.Jillian,wasn’tit?”

“Yes.She’shereinNewYork.Weranintoeachotheryesterdayandspentsometimetogether.Now

she’shavingdinnerwithmetonightatmyhouse.”

“Aw,Drew,I’msohappyforyou.”

“Thanks,Lia.Haveagoodnight.”Istrolleddownthehallwayandoutofthebuilding.

****

Walkingintomytownhouse,IsetmybriefcasedowninthefoyerandfollowedthearomaofJane’s

cookingtothekitchen.

“Welcomehome,Drew.”Shesmiled.

“Thanks,Jane.How’sthefoodcoming?”

“Good.ButI’mconfusedastowhyyou’rehavingmemakethesethickgreasyburgers.Youdon’t

normallyeatstufflikethis.Areyouhavingaguy’snightinwithLiamorLance?”

“No.Actually,I’mhavingdinnerwithaveryspecialgirlandhernameisJillian.”

Shestoppedcuttinguptheonionsandlookedatme.

“Youneverusethewords‘veryspecial’infrontofawoman’sname.What’sup?”

“ImetherinHawaiiandweranintoeachotheronthestreetyesterday.”

“Ah.SoI’mgoingtoassumethedishesquestionwasforher?”

“Yes.Coincidentally,sheisthewomanwhoisrentingmyapartmentandshehadn’thadachanceto

gobuydishesyet,soIthoughtIwouldtakeher.”

“I’mconfused.YoumetherinHawaiiandnowshe’shereinNewYorkrentingyourapartment?”

“Yes.”

“Andyoulikethiswoman?”

“Yes.Ilikeheralot.Ican’tstopthinkingaboutherforonesecond.”

“That’ssweet.Ihopeshe’sbetterthanJess.”Shemadethesignofthecross.

“Jilliandoesn’tevencomparetothatbitch.Bytheway,whenwewereinBedBath&Beyondlast

night,IranintoJess.Shewasbuyinganewbedsetbecauseshecouldn’tstandthethoughtofsleeping

onthesheetsthatIhadslepton.”

Janerolledhereyes.“Iwouldhavetoldhertogobuyanewbed.”

Ichuckled.“Idid.”

“Good boy.” She smiled as she held up her hand for a high five. “What time is Jillian coming

over?”

“Aroundseven.”

“I’mlookingforwardtomeetingthewomanwhohasputsuchabeautifulsmileonyourface.”She

winked.

“You’lllikeher,Jane.She’soneofakind.I’mgoingtogochange.”

Afterchangingoutofmysuitandintosomecasualclothes,Ipouredmyselfadrinkandwentinto

myofficetolookoversomeemailsthathadcomein.JustasIfinishedansweringthelastone,Iheard

the doorbell ring. Walking over with a smile, I opened the door and, instantly, she took my breath

away.

“Hithere.”

“Hi.”Shesmiledbrightly.

“Comeonin.”

“Thankyou,”shespokeassheshylysteppedinside.“Ibroughtabottleofwine.”

“Thankyou,butyoudidn’thavetodothat.”

“Iwantedto.It’smywayofsayingthankyoufordinner.”

Itookthebottleofwineandledhertothekitchen.

“Jane,IwouldlikeyoutomeetJillianBell.Jillian,thismyhousekeeper,friend,andchef,Jane.”

“It’ssonicetomeetyou,Jillian.”Janesmiledasshereachedoutandgrabbedbothherhands.

“It’snicetomeetyoutoo,Jane.”

“Dinnerisjustaboutready,soifyoutwogotakeaseatinthediningroom,I’llbringitout.”

IplacedmyhandonthesmallofJillian’sbackaswewalkedintothediningroom.

“Yourplaceisamazing.”Shegrinnedasshelookedaround.

“Thankyou.Afterweeat,I’llshowyouaround.”

Justaswesatdown,IheardthedoorbellringandJaneansweredit.Iwasn’texpectinganyone,soI

hadnocluewhoitcouldbe.

“Well,hellothere,Drew.”Liamgrinnedashewalkedintothediningroom.

“Liam.”Inodded.Iknewwhyhewashere.

“Hello,there.”HeextendedhishandtoJillian.“I’mDrew’sfriendandnextdoorneighbor,Liam

Wyatt.”

“Nicetomeetyou,Liam.I’mJillianBell.”Shepolitelyshookhishand.

“AsindaughterofDonaldBell?”Hecockedhishead.

“Yes.Doyouknowmyfather?”

“Wemetafewmonthsagoatabusinessconvention.Hetoldmeyouwereengagedtobemarried.”

Jilliantookinadeepbreath.“Well,thatdidn’tworkout.”

“AreyoulivinghereinNewYork?”heasked.

“Yes.Actually,I’mrentingDrew’sapartment.”

“Sweet.WelcometotheBigApple.”Hegrinned.

“Nottointerrupt,butisthereareasonyoustoppedby?”Iasked.

“Oh.Sorry.Ibroughtthecolorbookwiththeswatchesforyourbathroom.IgaveittoJane.”

“Thanks.Iappreciateit.”

Placinghishandsinhispocket,hespoke,“Well,Ishouldgetgoing.AveryandIarehavingdinner

withOliverandDelilah.”

“Itwasnicetomeetyou,Liam.”

“Nicetomeetyoutoo,Jillian.”

Gettingupfrommyseat,IwalkedLiamtothefrontdoor.

“Dude.JillianBell?Really?”

“It’salongstory,andwe’lltalkaboutitoverdrinks.Listen,donotmentiontoanyonethatshe’s

livinghereinNewYork.”

“Why?”heaskedinconfusion.

“Becauseherparentsdon’tknowwheresheis.It’scomplicated.Justtrustme.”

“Don’tworry.Iwon’tmentionittoanyone.HaveagoodnightandIwanttohearallabouther.”He

pointedatmeashewalkedoutthedoor.

“Ipromisetotellyoueverything.”

IwalkedbacktothetableandJanehadjustsetourplatesinfrontofus.Jillianlookedupatmewith

asmile.

“Ican’tbelieveyouhadJanemakethesedelicious-lookingburgers.Thatwasreallysweet,Drew.”

“It was nothing. I knew how much you loved the one at LAX. I can guarantee these are better.” I

winked.

ChapterTwenty-Five

Jillian

TheminuteIbitintomyburger,thejuicinessandflavoroverwhelmedme.

“OhmyGod,thisissogood,”Ispoke.

Drewchuckled.“I’mgladyoulikeit.”

That had to be one of the sweetest things anybody had ever done for me. I know it was only a

hamburger,butitwasthepointbecauseheknewhowmuchIlovedthem.

“How’sKristendoing?”heasked.

“Oh!”IexclaimedasIwipedmymouthwithmynapkin.“Noahproposedtoherlastnight.They’re

gettingmarried.”

“Goodforthem.Dotheyhaveadateinmind?”

“Theywanttogetmarriedintwoweeks.Wespentalldaycallingdifferentvenuesandeverything’s

booked.Sowe’regoingtotryafewmoreplacestomorrow.Iknowit’slastminutebutIhavetomake

surethisweddingisperfect.Ithastobe.”

“Howmanypeoplearetheyplanningonhaving?”

“Shesaidaboutahundred.”

“I think I may know of the perfect place.” He smiled as he pulled his phone from his pocket.

“Lester,it’sDrewWestbrook.Listen,IhaveafriendwhoisplanningarushweddingandIwouldlike

to book the room for the reception. We’re looking at a couple of weeks. There will be about a

hundredguests.YoudohavearoomopenforSaturdaynight?Putmynamedownandholdit.Letme

talktomyfriendjusttoconfirmandI’llgetbackwithyoutomorrow.Thanks,Lester.”

“Wow.”Igrinned.“Whatplaceareyoutalkingabout?”

“TheHarmonieClub.It’saprivatesocialclubthatI’mamemberof.Infact,Liamandhisbrother

Oliverarealsomembers.TalkitoverwithKristen,andifyouwant,Icantakethebothofyouthere

tomorrowtolookattheplace.”

“You’ddothat?”Iasked.

“Of course. Even though I don’t know your sister, she deserves to have the wedding of her

dreams.”

Thismanwastoomuch.Hewaskind,thoughtful,andincrediblysweet.Ihadalreadyknownthat

fromthefirsttimeI’dmethimontheplane,buttonight,andwhathedidforKristenandNoah,really

mademefallevenharderforhim.Gettingupfrommychair,Iwalkedovertowherehewassitting,

tookaseatonhislap,andwrappedmyarmsaroundhisneck.

“Thankyou.”Mylipssoftlybrushedagainsthis.

“You’rewelcome.”Hesmiled.

“Iwouldliketoseetherestofyourhouse.”

“Yourwishismycommand.”Hekissedthetipofmynose.

Aswegotupfromthechair,Janewalkedinandbeganclearingthetable.

“Youdon’thavetocleanup,Jane.Whydon’tyougohome?”Drewspoke.

“It’sfine,Drew.I’llgohomeafterIcleanup.Idon’twanttoleavethisuntiltomorrowmorning.”

“Youdon’thaveto.”Ismiled.“DrewandIwillcleanitup.”

HerbrowarchedasshelookedatDrew.“Youheardher,Jane.We’llcleanup.”Hewinked.

I thanked Jane for dinner and she headed home. Drew took hold of my hand and showed me

aroundhisnine-thousand-square-foot,six-floortownhome.

“Whydoesonemanneedallthisspace?”Iasked.

“It’saninvestment.LiamandIboughtourtownhousesatthesametime.Bothwereinforeclosure

andwegotthemforareallygooddeal.”

“MaybeIneedtotakesomeinvestmentadvicefromyou.”

Hishandsfirmlygraspedmyhips.“I’dbehappytogiveyouinvestmentadvice.”Hislipsgaveway

toawarmsmile.

Thefireburninginsidemeintensified.Thewayhisfingerslightlypressedagainstthefabricofmy

pantsandthesmilethattouchedmysoulleftmewantingmoreofhimatthatverymoment.I’dnever

wantedsexwithanyoneasmuchasIwanteditwithhim.Everytimehewasnearme,itwasallIcould

thinkabout.Iwasfalling,orIhadalreadyfallen.Ididn’tknow.Iwaslostinhim,butIwasalsolost

insidemyself.Hisheadleanedinandhislipsweremereinchesfrommine.TherewasnowayIwas

goinghometonight.

Hishandleftmyhipandcuppedthesideofmyfaceashissoftlipspressedintomine.Ourtongues

metwithexcitementandourkissdeepened.Myfingersdeftlyunbuttonedhisshirt,andwhenthelast

buttonwasundone,Drewswoopedmeupinhisarmsandcarriedmeuptwoflightsofstairstohis

bedroom.

“I can’t get enough of you,” he spoke in a low tone as he put me down, took off his pants, and

staredromanticallyintomyeyes.

Liftingmyshirtovermyhead,ItossedittothegroundwhileDrew’sfingersreachedbehindand

undidmybra.Histongueimmediatelyslidacrossmychest,exploringeachbreastwithpassion.Tobe

touchedbyanypartofhimwasexcitingandthevibrationsdownbelowwereoutofcontrol.Taking

hishand,Isliditdownthefrontofmypants,desperateforhistouch.Hissmilegrewashefeltthe

wetness emerge from me. Hooking my fingers into the sides of his underwear, I pulled them down

andgraspedhishardcock.Hegaspedashislipsonceagainmetmine.Strokinghimupanddown,his

chestpuffedandhetookinadeep,exhilaratingbreath.

“Iwantyousobadly,Jillian.Ican’tcontrolmyself,”hespokeasheremovedmyhandandpushed

meupagainstthewall.

Hegotdownonhiskneesashistonguesliddownmyabdomen.Gentlyremovingmypanties,he

spreadmylegsapartandtastedthepleasurehegaveme.Myhandsroamedthroughhishairandthe

lightmoansthatescapedmebecamelouderwitheachflickofhistongueagainstmyclit.

“You taste so sweet and beautiful,” he moaned against me. “Come for me, baby. Give me more.

GivemewhatIdesire.”

Hiswords.Hismoans.Hismouthpressedagainstmeandthefingerhedippedinsidesentmeinto

oblivion with an orgasm I’d never forget. My fingers tightened around his head and my legs

stiffened, giving him what he wanted. Standing up, he grabbed my ass and lifted me up against the

wall.Mywearylegswrappedtightlyaroundhimashethrustintome,movinginandoutatarapid

pace.

“Fuck,youfeelsogood,”hewhisperedagainstmyear.

“Sodoyou,”Ispokebreathlesslyashisfirmgriponmyasstightened.

“Comewithme,baby.Ineedtofeelyoucomewithme.”

Hedidn’tneedtotellmesinceIwasalreadythere.Mylegstightenedthemselvesaroundhiswaist

asanotherorgasmsweptthroughme.

“That’sit!That’sit!”heshoutedashisthrustingslowedandheexplodedinsideme.

Ourheartswerebeatinginsyncatthespeedoflightashiswarmbreathsweptovermyneck.He

heldontomeasifhewasneverlettinggo.Carryingmeovertothebed,helaymedown,stillburied

deep inside, and hovered over me. His eyes stared into mine before he dipped his head and softly

kissedmylips.

“Stay here with me tonight,” he quietly spoke. “I don’t want you to leave. I want you in my bed

whereIcanholdyouallnightlong.”

MylipsgavewaytoasmallsmileandIsoftlywhispered,“Iwill.”

ChapterTwenty-Six

Drew

AsIstrokedhersofthair,Ikissedthetopofherhead.

“IhaveacharityeventtoattendonFridaynightandIwouldliketoknowifyou’dbemydate.”

Sheliftedherheadfrommychestandhereyeslockedontomine.

“I’dlovetogowithyou.Where’sitat?”

“TheBankBallroomoverintheFinancialDistrict.It’sConnorBlack’sannualautismgala.”

“Sounds nice.” She lay her head back down. “I’ll have to go buy a fancy dress. I’ll look when

KristenandIgoshoppingtomorrowforweddingdresses.Speakingofwhich,I’mgoingtocallher

rightnowandtellherabouttheHarmonieClubandseeifshe’sinterested.”

“Goodidea,andifsheis,wecangolookatittomorrowafteryoulookforweddingdresses.”

“Ohshit.”Sheliftedherheadandsatup.

“What’swrong?”

“KellanisflyinginFridayfortheweekend.”

“Well,hecancomewithustothecharityevent.”

“Areyousure?”

“Ofcourse.”Ismiled.

“Thankyou.”Sheleanedoverandkissedme.“I’llaskhim.”

Icouldn’tresist.Pullingherontopofme,Iwrappedmyarmsaroundherasmycockstartedto

riseandpressagainstherbelly.

“I’mprettysureIneedtofuckyouagain.”IgrinnedasIbrushedastrandofherhairawayfrom

herface.

“I’mprettysureyoudotoo.”Shebitdownonherbottomlip.

****

ImoanedasthealarmwentoffandIfumbledtoshutitdown.Jillianrolledoverintomyarmsand

softlystrokedmychest.

“Goodmorning.”

“Goodmorning,”shewhisperedasherbodypressedtightlyagainstmine.

“Howdidyousleep?”Iasked.

“Great.Howaboutyou?”

“Greataswell.”

Kissingthetopofherhead,Iclimbedoutofbed.“Youcansleepinaslateasyouwant.I’mgoing

totakeashowerandgetreadyforwork.”

“I’mup.”Shestretched.

“Okaythen.Getthathotassofyoursintheshowerwithme.”

“Mhmm.Itwouldbemypleasure.”Shethrewthesheetoffher,exposinghersexynakedbody.

AfteroneofthelongestshowersIhadevertaken,Jillianslippedintooneofmyt-shirtsandcalled

KellanwhileIgotdressed.Headingdownstairs,IgreetedJaneinthekitchenwithasmile.

“Goodmorning,Jane.”

“Goodmorning,Drew.IseeJillianstayedthenight.”

“Howdoyouknowthat?Shehasn’tbeendownyet,”Ispokeasshehandedmeacupofhotcoffee.

“Herpurseisrightoverthere.”Shewinked.“Ilikeher,Drew.EventhoughIjustbrieflytalkedto

herlastnight,Ihavetosay,she’sperfect.”

“Sheisperfect,Jane.”

“Goodmorning,Jane.”Jilliansmiledasshetookaseatnexttomeattheisland.

“Goodmorning,Jillian.Coffee?”

“Yes.Please.”

“Thankyouagainforcleaninguplastnight,”JanespokeasshepouredcoffeeintoJillian’scup.

“You’rewelcome.Itwasmypleasure.”

“Excuseme.Whataboutme?Ihelpedcleanup,”Igrowled.

“Ofcourseyoudid.”Jillianleanedoverandkissedmycheek.

Janelaughedandpattedmyhand.“Thankyou,Drew.”

Afterfinishingourbreakfast,IputonmysuitcoatandJillianwalkedmetothedoor.

“Callmelater,”IspokeasIkissedhergoodbye.

“I will. I’m going to get dressed, head over to my place to change clothes, and then go to

Kristen’s.”

“Soundsgood.”Iplacedmythumbonherchin.“Ireallyenjoyedlastnightandintheshowerthis

morning.”Ismiled.

“Metoo.”Shebitdownonherbottomlip.

Fuck.Shewasadorableandherbeautifulfacewouldforeverbeetchedintomymind.Ineededto

leave or else I’d be picking her up and taking her back to my bed. This craving I had for her was

unrealandIfounditdifficulttocontrolmyselfaroundher.

“Onthatnote,Ineedtoleave.”Iwinked.“I’lltalktoyoulater.”

Steppingoutthedoor,IclimbedinsidetheBentleyandsighed.Forthefirsttimeinmyentirelife,I

envisioned my future. It was a future that included Jillian and a life where we grow old together. It

scaredmetothinkthatshewouldn’tseethesamefutureasIdidandIwasn’tsureifIwasreadyfor

that.

****

Jillian

JustasIenteredKristen’sapartmentbuilding,Noahwasonhiswaydown.

“Morning,Jillian,”hespokeashekissedmycheek.

“Goodmorning.Howisshetoday?”

“She’stired,butotherthanthat,shesaysshe’sfine.”

“Doyoubelieveher?”

“No.”Hesmiled.“I’mgladyou’respendingthedaywithher.Listen,I’mrunninglate.I’llseeyou

later.”

“Oh wait!” I exclaimed as he walked away. Drew called the Harmonie Club and they have next

Saturdayopenforthewedding.Whatdoyouthink?”

“Isn’tthataprivateclubfortheelite?”

“Yeah,andDrewiselite.”Iwinked.

“Soundsgoodtome.I’msureKristenwillbethrilled.”

Lightlyknockingonthedoor,IheardKristenyell,“Comein.”

“Hey,sis.”IsmiledasIwalkedtothekitchen.“Howareyoufeelingtoday?”

Shenarrowedhereyeatmeandhandedmeacupofcoffee.

“I’mfine.Justalittletired.”

“Areyousureyouwanttogolookatdressestoday?Wecandoittomorrow.”

“Nope.Todayistheday.I’mnotgoingtoletalittlebitoftirednessstopmefromlivingtherestof

mylife.Sotellme,”shesmiledassheleanedacrossthecounter,“howwasyournightwithDrew?”

“Amazingasalways.”Ishylygrinned.“Listen,Ihavesomethingtodiscusswithyou.”

“What’sup?”

“DrewcalledafriendofhislastnightattheHarmonieClubandtheyhavearoomavailablefor

yourweddingnextSaturday.Hesaidthatifyou’reinterested,he’lltakeusovertherethisafternoonso

youcanlookatit.”

“Really?” Her smile grew wide. “That was so nice of him to do that. Of course I’m interested. I

can’twaittomeetMr.DrewWestbrook.”

“Iwilllethimknowrightnow.”IsmiledasIpulledmyphonefrommypurseandsenthimatext

message.

“Hi.Kristenwouldliketogolookattheroom.”

“Excellent. I know she’ll love it. I’ll pick the two of you up around five o’clock. I’ll call and let

themknowwe’recoming.Wheredoyouwantmetopickyouup?”

“Great.I’mnotquitesurewherewe’llbe.”

“Doesn’tmatter.JustcallortextmethelocationandI’llbethere.”

“Thanks,Drew.Thismeansalot.”

“You’rewelcome,Jillian.I’llseeyoulater.”

Takingasipofmycoffee,IlookedatKristen.“Drewwillpickusupatfive.Hesaidjusttotext

himthelocationofwherewe’reat.”

“Heseemslikeawonderfulman.”

“Heis.”Ilookeddownatmycupandslowlytracedtherimwithmyfinger.“Toowonderful.You

knowwhathedidontheplane?”

“What?”

“HeofferedmehisproteinbarbecauseIhadmentionedthatIwashungry.Atotalstranger.Grant

neverwouldhavedonethat.Hewouldhavejusteatenitinfrontofme.”

“AndthatiswhyGrantisafuckwad.”Shegrinned.

“He is. Isn’t he? Oh, by the way, Drew invited me and Kellan to attend a charity event on Friday

night,soI’mgoingtoneedanewdress.”

“Fun.YoucanhelpmepickoutaweddingdressandI’llhelpyoupickoutaformaldressforthe

event.”

“Areyousureyou’reuptoittoday?”Iasked.

“Stopaskingme.IfIwasn’t,Iwouldn’tgo.Nowcomeon;wehavedressestoshopfor.”

ChapterTwenty-Seven

Jillian

TheminuteKristensteppedoutofthedressingroomatKleinfeld’s,tearsinstantlyfilledmyeyes.

Shelookedsobeautiful.

“Notears,Jill.Comeon;wetalkedaboutthis.”

Wipingmyeye,Ispoke,“I’msorrybutyoulooksobeautiful.”

“Idon’twanttolookbeautiful.Iwanttolooksexyasfuck.”Shesmiledasshecheckedherselfout

inthemirror.

“Youdo.”

“Nah.Thisdressisn’tforme.Letmetryontheothers.”

Asshebegantowalkbackintothedressingroom,shestoppedandturnedtome.

“Whydon’tyoutryoneon?”

“Whome?”Ipointedtomyself.

“Yes,you.Comeon.Don’tmakemedothisalone.”

“No.Idon’twanttotryonweddingdresses.Iworeoneforacoupleofhoursnottoolongago.

Remember?”

“Yeah.ButIdidn’tgettoseeyouinit.”

“Trust me, you missed nothing. Besides, it’ll be a cold day in hell before I ever get back into a

weddingdress.”

“Don’tsaythat,Jill.”

“It’strue.”

Sheshookherheadandheadedintothedressingroom.Aftertryingonsixdifferentdressesand

notlikinganyofthem,shesteppedoutinthelastdressshehadintheroom.

“Wow,”IspokeasIgotupfromtheplushchairandwalkedovertoherasshestaredatherselfin

thethree-waymirror.

“Thisistheone,Jill.”Hereyesfilledwithtears.

Layingmyheadonhershoulder,Ispoke,“It’sperfect,Kristen.”

“Ihavetheperfectheadpieceforyou.”Thesaleswomansmiled.

Afterafewmoments,shereturnedwithalightlybeadedwhitesatinheadscarfwithaveilattached

tothebackofit.Takingitfromherhands,IplaceditonKristen’shead.

“Whatdoyouthink?”

“Nowit’scomplete.”

AssoonasKristenwenttochangeoutofthedress,Ipulledthesaleswomantotheside.

“Howfastcanyougetthisdressaltered?”

“Wewouldorderherabrandnewoneclosertohersize.”

“Wedon’thavetime.She’sgettingmarriednextSaturday.”

“I’msorry,butthat’simpossible.Wesendourdressesouttobealtered.”

“Notgoodenough.Ineedyoutolistentomeverycarefully.Mysisteronlyhassixtoninemonths

left to live. Her cancer has spread and there’s nothing more the doctors can do to help her. This

weddingwillbethelastthingsheeverdoesandI’mgoingtomakesureit’sperfect.”

“I’mverysorrytohearthat.AfriendofmineisaseamstressandsheownsashopoveronEast48

Street.Icangiveheracallforyouandseewhatshesays.”

“Thankyou.”Ismiled.“Also,I’llbepayingforthedressandheadpiece.Icangiveyouadeposit

todayandbringintherestofthecashtomorrow.Pleaseletmeknowwhatyourfriendsays.Here’s

myphonenumber.”

Kristenwalkedoutandhandedthedresstothesaleswoman.“I’llbeputtingthisonmycreditcard,”

shespoke.

“Noneed.I’mbuyingyouthedress.”

“No,Jill.Noyou’renot.”

“Actually,Iam,andthere’snothingyoucandoaboutit.”Igrabbedbothherhandsandheldthem

tight. “The mother of the bride is supposed to buy the wedding dress, but since your mom can’t be

here,yoursisteristhenextbestthing.”

“Jill.”Tearsformedinhereyes.

“Iwanttodothisforyou.Soletme.”

Sheletgoofmyhandsandwrappedherarmsaroundme.

“Thankyou.Idon’tknowwhattosay.”

“You’rewelcomeandyoudon’tneedtosayanything.”

“Excuse me,” the saleswoman interrupted our sisterly moment. “My friend, Gina, said she’d be

morethanhappytoalterthedressforyou.Shesaidyoucancomenowifyouwouldlikeandshe’d

getstartedonitrightaway.”

“Thankyou.”

“Noproblem.Bytheway,thedressranguponclearance.”Shewinkedatme.“Yourdepositwas

enoughtocoverit.”

“Thankyou.”Igaveheralighthug.

ShebaggedupthedressandwehailedacabovertoGina’sSeamShopoveronEast48

Street.

AfterwemetwithGina,IcouldtellKristenwasexhausted.

“I’mstarving,”Ispoke.“Let’sgositdownandgrabsomelunch.”

“Soundsgoodtome.Wheredoyouwanttogo?”

“I’mnewtothiscity,soyoupick.”

WeendeduptakingacabovertoSoHoandeatingataplacecalledBalthazar.AsIwastakingabite

ofmychickenclubsandwich,IalmostchokedonitwhenIsawJesswalkingovertothetable.

“Jillian?”Shecockedherheadasalookofdisbeliefsweptoverherface.

“Jess.OhmyGod.”Istoodupandgaveheralightfakehug.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”sheasked.

“Havinglunch.”

“ImeaninNewYork.”

“Iliveherenow.”

“Ithoughtyouwereonaself-discoveryjourney.”

“Iam.”

“DoesDrewknowyou’rehereinNewYork?”Hereyesshotbackatme.

Shit.Shit.Shit.WhatdoIsay?ItwasnoneofherfuckingbusinessandIhadnothingtohide.

“Yes.Iranintohimtheotherday.Hewasjustassurprisedasyouarerightnow.”

“I’msurehewas.Well,itwasniceseeingyouagain.Maybewecandolunchsometime.”

“Thatwouldbegreat,”Ilied.TherewasnowayinhellIwouldhavelunchwithher.

Assoonasshewalkedaway,Kristenleanedoverthetable.

“Whothefuckwasthatsnobbybitch?”

“Drew’sex-girlfriend.”

“TheonehedumpedinHawaii?”

“Yep.She’stheone.”Irolledmyeyes.

Afterfinishinglunch,Kristencouldn’tstopyawning.

“Whydon’tIseeifDrewcantakeustotheHarmonieClubnow?Youreallyneedtogethomeand

liedown.”

“Iamreallybeat.”Shesighed.

Takingmyphonefromthetable,IsentDrewatextmessage.

“I’m sorry to bother you because I know you’re busy, but would it be possible to go look at the

HarmonieClubnow?KristenisexhaustedandI’mafraidshewon’tmakeituntilfiveo’clock.”

“Ofcourse.Ijustfinishedlunch.Whereareyou?”

“ArestaurantcalledBalthazar.”

“Ah.Oneofmyfavoriteplaces.I’llbethereinabouttwentyminutes.”

“Thankyou,Drew.”

“I’llseeyousoon,baby.”

Isatandstaredatthelastwordhetyped.Anuneasyfeelingsweptoverme.Hecalledme“baby”

duringsex,whichwasacceptablebecauseitwasspokeninthemidstofhotsteamysex.Butforhimto

callmethatwhilenothavinghotsteamysexdidn’tsitrightwithme.

“What’swrong?”Kristenasked.“Didhesayno?”

“No.Hesaidhe’sonhisway.”

“Okay.What’sthelookforthen?”

“It’sjusthecalledmebaby.”

“Aw,that’ssweet,Jill.Whydoesthatbotheryou?”

“Becausewe’renotinarelationship.Nameslikethatarereservedforcouples.Notfortwopeople

whoarefriends.”

Narrowinghereyeatmefromacrossthetable,shespoke,“Youmeantwopeoplewhoarehaving

alotofsexandspendingthenightswitheachother.”

“Wearen’tinarelationship.”

“Actually, you are. You’re in a sexual relationship. If you don’t want to be in any kind of

relationshipwithhimatall,thenyouneedtostopfuckinghim.”Shegraciouslysmiled.

“WhatifIdon’twantto?Hemakesmefeelincredibleandsexwithhimisveryaddicting.”

“Thenstopgettingallpissedoffwhenhecallsyoubaby.Youcan’thaveyourcakeandeatittoo,

Jill.IhaveafeelingthatMr.DrewWestbrookwantsmorefromyouthanjustasexualrelationship.”

“That’stoobad.I’vemadeitverycleartohimthatI’mnotinterestedinarelationship.”

Shesighed.“Okay.Okay.Let’sgowaitoutside.”

Just as we stepped out the doors of Balthazar, Drew’s Bentley pulled up to the curb and Roland

steppedoutandopenedthedoorforus.

“Hi.”IsmiledasIclimbedinnexttoDrew.

“Hi.”Hegrabbedholdofmyhand.

KristenclimbedinandIimmediatelyintroducedthem.

“Drew,thisismysister,Kristen.Kristen,meetDrewWestbrook.”

“Hello,Kristen.It’snicetofinallymeetyou.”

“Likewise,Drew.Thankyoufordoingthisforus.”

“Noproblem.It’smypleasuretohelpyouinanywayIcan.Howwasyourlunch?”

“Lunchwasgood.ThefoodwasgreatandIranintosomeoneIknow.”Ismirked.

“Really?Who?”

“Jess.”

“Fuck.Whatdidshesay?”Heslowlyshookhishead.

“ShewantedtoknowwhyIwasinNewYorkandthenaskedmeifyouknewIwashere.”

Rollinghiseyes,hesighed.“Whatdidyoutellher?”

“Thatyouknewbecauseweranintoeachotherandthenshesaidweshoulddolunchsometime.”

“You’renotgoingto,areyou?”

“Ofcoursenot.WhywouldI?”

RolandpulleduptotheHarmonieClubandthethreeofusclimbedoutandwentinside.Drewtold

theladyatthedesktoalertLesterthatwehadarrived.

“Goodtoseeyou,Drew.”Lestersmiledastheyshookhands.“FollowmeandI’llshowyouwhat’s

available.”

HetookusuptothethirdfloorwheretheHarmonieRoomwaslocated.

“Take a look around and let me know what you think. This room holds up to three hundred and

fiftyguestsverycomfortably.Ifyou’reinterestedinhavingtheceremonyhere,wecanaccommodate

youinthemaindiningroomforanadditionalfeeandyou’refreetodecorateithowyouwish.”

“Thankyou,Lester.We’llletyouknow.”

GivingDrewapatontheback,hesteppedoutoftheroomwhilewelookedaround.

“Wow. This is beautiful,” Kristen spoke. “I’m afraid to ask how much this would cost.” She bit

downonherbottomlip.

“Don’tworryaboutthecost,Kristen,”Drewspoke.“Beingamember,Igetadiscount.”Hewinked.

Afterlookingaround,KristenagreedtohavethereceptionandceremonyattheHarmonieClub.

Things were coming together and I couldn’t be happier for her. After we climbed back into the

Bentley,RolanddroveusbacktoKristen’sapartment.

“Areyoucomingup?”sheaskedme.

“IthinkI’mgoingtoheadhome.You,mytiredsister,needtogotakealongnap.”

“True.” She smiled. “Call me later.” She leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Thank you again,

Drew.Youarealifesaver.”

“You’rewelcome.I’mhappyyoulikedit.”

ChapterTwenty-Eight

Drew

AfterKristenclimbedoutandshutthedoor,IplacedmyhandonJillian’scheekandstoleakiss.

“I’vebeenwaitingtodothat.”Igrinned.

Alightsmilecrossedherbeautifulplumplips.“Thankyou.”

“CanIseeyoulater?Icancomebyyourplaceandbringdinner.”

“Iwasgoingtotakeabath.”

“Youcantakeabath.”

Thethoughtofherinthebathtubarousedme.

“WhatifI’minthetubwhenyouarriveandIcan’tletyouin.”

“Ihaveakey.Icanletmyselfin.”Iwinked.

Shelaughedandlaidherheadonmyshoulder.

“Thenbyallmeans,Mr.Westbrook,comeonover.”

After dropping Jillian off at home, I headed to the office. As I was walking down the hallway, I

stoppedwhenIsawJessstandinginfrontofLia’sdesk.

“Whatthehellisgoingonhere?”IaskedasIglaredatJess.

“Oh.Soyouweren’tinyouroffice.Ithoughtyoursecretarywaslyingtome.”

Isighed.“Whatdoyouwant,Jess?”Iwalkedintomyoffice.

“Iranintosomebodytodayatlunch.”

“AndIcarewhy?”Iraisedmybrowather.

“I ran into Jillian. Remember her? The girl you met on the plane to Hawaii? The girl we had

dinnerwith?”

“Okay.And?”

“Shetoldmesheranintoyoutheotherday.”

“Yes.So?”

“Areyoudatingher?”

“No.I’mnotdatingher.AndevenifIwas,whatbusinessisitofyours?Whatpartof‘we’reover ’

doyounotunderstand?”

“Iknowwe’reover,asshole.MypointisthatIthinkyouhaveathingforherandIbelievethat’s

whyyoubrokeupwithme.”

Rollingmyeyes,Ileanedbackonmydesk.

“I broke up with you because you are a selfish woman, Jess. Now I refuse to get into this again

withyou.Ihaveworktodo.Pleaseleaveanddon’tcomebackhereagain.”

“Whathappenedtoyou?”Sheglaredatme.“You’vechangedsomuchsincewefirstmet.”

“Maybeitwasthetoxicpeopleinmylifethatchangedme.Youbeingthetoxicperson.Ifyouwant,

Icancallsecurityandhavethemescortyouout.”

“Ihateyou,DrewWestbrook.”

“Soyou’vesaidamilliontimes.Ifyouhatemesomuch,whydoyoustillcomearound?Don’tyou

seehowpatheticthatis?”

“I’mleaving.”Sheturnedonherheelsandheadedtowardsthedoor.“Andfortherecord,Ireally

dohateyou.”Sheslammedthedoorshutbehindher.

Itwasn’ttoolongbeforeLiaknockedonthedoorandsteppedinside.

“Areyouokay,Drew?”

“Ofcourse.”Ismiled.“IcanhonestlysaythatIhaveneverbeenbetter.”

After finishing up some work, I had Roland stop by my townhouse so I could pack a small

overnight bag. I had every intention of spending the entire night with Jillian. On the way to her

apartment,Istoppedbythefloristandpickedherupasmallbouquetoflilies.Idesperatelywantedto

getherroses,butIthoughtthatrosesrightnowwouldn’tbeappropriate.

Enteringherapartment,Icalledouttoher.

“I’minthebathtub.”

AsmilecrossedmylipsbecauseseeinghernakedbodyrightwhenIwalkedthroughthedoorwas

whathadbeenonmymindalldaylong.Walkingintothebathroom,Ileanedagainstthedoorframe,

holdingtheliliesinonehandandabottleofProseccointheother.

“Hi.”Jilliansmiledasshelaythereinatubfullofbubbleswithherhairtwistedupinaclip.

“Hi.”IhelduptheflowersandProsecco.

“Youshouldn’thave.”

“Iwantedto.”Istaredintentlyintoherblueeyes.

“Thankyou.There’savaseinthecabinetinthelivingroom.”

“I’llberightback,”Ispoke.

I placed the flowers in a vase of water and opened the Prosecco, pouring some into two wine

glasses.

“Hereyougo,”IhandedJillianherglassandsetminedownonthebathroomcounter.

Kneeling down on the floor in front of the tub, I took the loofah sponge sitting on the edge and

begansoftlyrubbingitacrosshershoulders.

“Iforgottoaskyou.DidyouandKristenfindaweddingdresstoday?”

“Yes,andtheladyatthebridalshopcalledafriendofhersthatisaseamstressandshe’sgoingto

dothealterations.”

“Good.I’mhappyit’sallworkingoutforher.”

“Yeah.Metoo.”Shebroughtherhanduptoherfaceandwipedhereye.

“What’swrong?”

“Everything.”Atearfelldownhercheek.

“Talktome,Jillian.”

“God,Ifeellikesuchanidiotrightnowforcryinginfrontofyoulikethis.”

“Don’tfeelthatway.You’renotanidiotandIthinkyou’rebeautifulwhenyoucry.”

Sheletoutalightlaugh.“Thanks.”

Istoodup,kickedoffmyshoes,andclimbedinthetubwithher.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Shegrinned.

“Comfortingyoutheproperway.”Iwrappedmyarmsaroundherandpulledherintome.“We’ll

sitinhereforaslongasyouneed.”

ChapterTwenty-Nine

Jillian

Icouldn’tbelieveheclimbedintothebathtubinhisclothes.Myarmswerewrappedtightlyaround

hisneckasmyheadlayonhisshoulder.

“Everything is happening so fast and before you know it, she’ll be gone. To be honest, I don’t

knowhowI’mevergoingtogetoverthat.”

“You’llnevergetoverit.Butaseachdaypasses,you’llhealandyou’llacceptitandyou’llmove

onwithyourlifeholdingontothememoriesthatthetwoofyoushared.”

Liftingmyheadfromhisshoulder,Istaredintohiseyes.

“Itsoundslikeyou’velostsomeonebefore.”

“Ihave.Mybestfriend,Scott,waskilledinacaraccidentwhenhewassixteenyearsold.Itreally

hitmehardbecausewewerelikebrothers.Hewasanonlychildlikeme.Wewenttoschooltogether

and had planned to go to MIT together. We hung out every day working on projects, playing

basketball, working out, and just talking about life and our future. We had this plan to backpack

throughEuropethesummerwegraduatedhighschool.”

“I’msorry.”Ihuggedhimtight.“He’dbesoproudofyouandwhatyou’veaccomplishedatsucha

youngage.”

“I know. You’ll survive, Jillian. I know it’s unfair that this shit is happening to Kristen at such a

young age, but you’ll be okay, and after you’ve grieved, you’ll be able to smile at the things that

remindyouofher.”

“I’mworriedaboutNoah.HeloveshersomuchandIdon’tknowhowhe’sgoingtogetthrough

it.”

“You’llhelpeachothergetthroughitandI’llbeheretopickyouupwhenyoufallandI’llbehere

whenyousmileagain.”

Ipressedmylipsintothesideofhisneck.IhadneverfeltsosupportedasIdidatthatmoment.

“Weshouldgetoutofthetubnow.”

“Goodidea.”Hesmiledashekissedmylips.

Drewclimbedoutfirst,grabbedatowel,helditopenforme,andwrappeditaroundmybodywhen

Igotoutofthetub.

“You better get out of those wet clothes. Did you bring extra, by any chance?” I smirked as I

unbuttonedhisshirt.

“Imayhave.”

“Didyoubringfood?”

“No.We’llorderin.Wecandothatnowthatyouhaveplatesandsilverware.”

“Good.Idon’tfeellikegoingout.”

“Idon’teither.”

“Soacasualnightinitis.”IsmiledasIwalkedoutofthebathroom.

Afterchangingintomycottoncamiandmatchingshortpajamas,Iwalkedtothekitchenandtook

inthescentofthebeautifulliliesDrewgaveme.

“Thesesmellsopretty.”Ismiledashewalkedinwearingapairofsweatpantsandat-shirt.Hewas

justassexyandhotdresseddownashewasinhissuits.

“I’mhappyyoulikethem.Now,what’sfordinner?”Heplacedhishandsfirmlyonmyhipsfrom

behind.

“Whateveryou’reinthemoodfor.Ireallydon’tcare.Ilikejustaboutanything.”

“HowaboutMediterranean?”

“Mhmm.Soundsgoodtome.”

DrewpulledupthemenuonhisphoneforaMediterraneanplaceacoupleofblocksaway.Itooka

sipofmywineasIstoodandstaredathimwhileheplacedourorder.Ididn’twanttoadmittomyself

that I enjoyed this. Him. His company. Us, in our pajamas, ordering in food was something that

relaxedme.Herelaxedme,andbeingwithhimmademefeelthingsI’dneverfeltbefore.Icouldn’t

explainit.IwasmyselfandIdidn’tneedtohidebehindthemaskthathadbecomeattachedtomefora

betterpartofmylife.Ididn’tneedtopretendtobehappy.Icouldbesadandhe’dbetheretoholdme

andtellmethatitwasokay.Icouldn’tdothatwithmyparents.Themomentatearfellfrommycheek,

mymotherwouldplaceherfingerundermychinandtellmethatBellwomendidn’tcryandthatit

was a sign of weakness. If I cried in front of Grant, all I would get was, “Why are you being so

hormonal?”SoIlearnednottocry.ButthedayIleftmyfamilywasthedaythetearsstartedtocome

backwithoutshame.

“Areyouokay?”Drewaskedasheplacedhisphoneonthecounter.

“Yeah.”Ismiled.

“Howaboutwewatchamoviewhileweeat,”Ispoke,placingmyhandonhischest.

“Okay.Whatdoyouwanttowatch?”

“Idon’tknow.Let’sseewhat’son.”

Itookholdofhishandandledhimovertothecouch.Pickinguptheremote,IturnedontheTV

andsearchedunderthemoviesection.

“Wecandosappy,thriller,comedy.It’syourchoice.”Ismiled.

“Nope.Ipickedwhatwe’rehavingfordinner.Soit’sonlyrightyoupickwhatwewatch.”

“Ohlook.MagicMikeisavailable.”IgrinnedasIlookedtoseehisreaction.

“MagicMike,eh?Neversawit.Soifthat’swhatyouwanttowatch,thenturniton.”

Narrowingmyeyeathim,Ispoke,“Really?Areyousure?”

“Itoldyouthatitwasyourpick.”

JustasIclicked“watch,”therewasaknockatthedoor.

“Savedbytheknock.”DrewwinkedandIplayfullysmackedhisassashewalkedaway.

Drew grabbed two plates and brought the food over to the couch. I pressed play and the movie

began. This was one movie I would never grow tired of. We ate and finished off the bottle of

Proseccowhilewewatchedthemovie.

“Youlikewhenhedoesthat?”heaskedashepointedtoChanningTatum.

“Maybe.”Ichewedonmybottomlip.

DrewgotupfromthecouchandstoodinfrontoftheTV.Hepulledhist-shirtoverhisheadand

tossed it on the floor while his hips moved back and forth. Cupping my hands over my mouth, I

smiledindelightandcouldfeelmypantiesgettingwetterbythesecond.Histonguesweptoverhis

lipsasheseductivelymovedtowardsme.Hookinghisfingersinthewaistbandofhissweatpants,he

slowlytookthemdownwithasmile.IhadneverbeensoturnedonasIwatchedhimdanceinfrontof

me.Heapproachedmeandtookmyhand,liftingmefromthecouch,grindinghisbodyagainstmine

ashiseyesstaredintomine.

“Perfect.”Ismiled.“Thankyoufortheshow.”

“Oh,baby,it’snotoveryet.”Hislipspressedagainstmine.“Itdoesn’tstophere.”Heswoopedme

upinhisarmsandtwirledmearound,thencarriedmetothebedroom.

****

Therivetingfeelingthatfloodedmybodyfrommythirdorgasmseemedtostaywithmelonger

than it should have. Some serious mind-blowing sex had just taken place and left me feeling

breathless.Hisfingerslightlysweptovermyassasheheldmeunderthesheets.

“You’resomethingelse,Mr.Westbrook.”Isoftlystrokedhisarm.

“Thank you, Miss Bell. I aim to please and I hope my performance went way beyond your

expectations.”

“Oh,itdefinitelydid.”Ilaughed.“Waybeyond.”

IshouldhavebeenhappyasIlaythereinhisarms,butsomethingtookitsplace.Itwasn’tsadness,

butconfusion.WhatwasIconfusedabout?Ihadthisgenerous,kind,loving,sexy-as-fuckmanwho

wasattractedtomeandwantedme.Heoccupiedeveryareaofmybodyandmind.Hecomfortedme.

HegavemestrengthwhenIthoughtIalreadyhaditandhewasthereformeinmorewaysthanone.

Evenwhenhedidn’tknowmefromAdamontheplane,hewasthereforme.Iwantedtolovehim,

andapartofmealreadydid.Buttherewasanotherpartofme,deeperinside,thattoldmeno.Itwas

thestrangerthatIsawinthemirroreveryday.

ChapterThirty

Jillian

FridayhadcomeandKellanhadtocancelhisflighttoNewYorkbecausehewassickwitha102

feverandabadcough.Whenheskypedme,Iknewthemomentheappearedonthescreensomething

was wrong. He had been sick for a couple of days but didn’t feel the need to tell me because he

thoughthe’dgetbetter.Steppingoutoftheshowerandwrappingatowelaroundme,Iwalkedintomy

bedroomandstaredatthelongred,sleeveless,deepvneckline,withacutoutbackeveninggownI

wasgoingtoweartonighttothecharityevent.

“So,areyouexcitedabouttonight?”Kristenaskedmeasshestoodinthedoorwayholdingaglass

ofwater.

“Ithinkit’llbefun.”

“Youhatethesethings.”

“I hated them with my parents and Grant. I’ll be with Drew, so it’ll be fun.” I walked into the

bathroomandstartedapplyingmymakeup.

“You’reinlovewithhim.Icantell.Youdon’thavetohideitfromme.”

“I’mnothidinganythingandI’lladmit,IdolikeDrew.”

Shecockedherheadatmeasshesatdownonthetoilet.

“He’sagoodman,Jill,andIknowhelovesyou.Icantelljustbythewayhelooksatyou.”

“Maybeit’slustonbothourparts.Hedoesn’twantmarriage.Idon’twantmarriage.Sowhyget

heavilyinvolved?IfIwantedmarriage,IwouldhavemarriedGrant.”Ishuddered.

Shesighed.“YouneverlovedGranttobeginwithandthemarriagewasjustawaytogetrevenge

onyourparents.Youknewyou’dnevergothroughwithit.Butit’sdifferentwiththemanyoulove.”

“I’mnotinlove,Kristen.IneedtolovemyselfandthepersonIambeforeIcanloveanother.”

“Well,Iloveyouforthepersonyouareandyoucan’ttellmeotherwise.”

Ilookedoveratherwithasmallsmile.“Iloveyoutoo.”

“IhaveafeelingMr.Westbrookisgoingtogethisheartbroken.”

I didn’t reply to her comment. After my makeup was applied, I curled the ends of my hair and

pinnedmysidesbackintoanelegantstyle.Slippingintomydress,Istaredatmyselfinthemirror.

“Youlooksexy.”Kristensmiled.“Ihopeyouhavematchingpantiesonunderneaththatdress.

“Ido.”Iwinked.

“Oh, by the way, Noah and I mailed out the invitations today and I posted a ‘save the date’ on

Facebook.Iapologizedtoeveryonefortheshortnotice,buttimeisn’texactlyonmyside.”

Ihatedwhenshesaidthingslikethatandasickfeelingemergedinthepitofmystomach.

“Everyonewillbethere,andit’sgoingtobefabulous.”

“I’mgoingtoheadoutbeforeDrewgetshere.”Shekissedmycheek.“HavefuntonightandIwant

allthedetailsinthemorning.That’sifyouandDrewcanmanagetodragyourselvesoutofbed.”

Ilaughed.“I’llcallyoutomorrow.”

Justasshewasabouttoleave,IheardDrew’svoice.AsIwalkedintothelivingroom,hestopped

talkingtoKristenandstaredatmewithasmilesplayedacrosshisface.

“Wow.Youlookgorgeous.”

“Thanks.Sodoyou.”Ismiled.“Lookatthattux.”Iwalkedoverandplacedmyhandonhischest.

“Areyouready?”

“Iam.Justletmegrabmypurse.”

“Mymomcalledtodayandaskedmeoverforadinnertomorrow.Iwouldloveforyoutocome

withme.Imentionedyoutoher.”

“Whatdidyousay?”

“IjusttoldherthatImetabeautifulwomanandIwouldlikethemtomeetyou.”

“Parents.That’sabigstep.”Igrinned.

“Nah.They’recool.Don’tthinkofthemasmyparents.JustthinkofthemaspeopleIknow.”

“Okay.Abarbequesoundsgreat.I’dlovetogowithyou.”

****

“Wow,lookatthisturnout,”IspokeaswewalkedarminarmintotheBankBallroom.

“Connor ’seventsarealwayssuccessful.”

As a waiter walked by holding a tray of champagne, Drew grabbed two glasses and handed me

one.Wemixedandmingledwithhisbusinessassociatesandfriends.

“I’mgoingtogofindtherestroom,”IspokeasIplacedmyhandonDrew’sarm.

“Okay.I’llwaitrighthere.”

Giving him a smile, I made my way to the bathroom. As I was sitting in the stall, the bathroom

dooropenedandIfrozewhenIheardafamiliarvoice.No.Itcouldn’tbe.Isatthere,literallyshaking

with my heart pounding out of my chest as I listened to the two women have a conversation. My

breathing had become restricted while I sat there waiting for them to leave. After I heard the door

openandthencloseagain,thebathroombecamesilent.Quicklyleavingthestall,Iwashedmyhands

andslowlyopenedthebathroomdoor.Ineededtogetoutofhereandfast.IhadnotimetotellDrewI

was leaving as I made a beeline down the hallway and through the ballroom as quickly as I could.

There was a crowd of people gathered around listening to Connor ’s speech. If I could just get past

themunnoticed,everythingwouldbeokay.MylegswereshakingandIcouldn’tseemtogetaholdof

myself.IwasalmostacrosstheroomwheretheexitdoorswerelocatedwhenIaccidentallybumped

intoaman.

“Oh,excuseme,young—Jillian?”Hiseyeswidened.

Iswallowedhard.“Daddy.”

Hegrabbedholdofmyarmtopreventmefromtakinganotherstep.

“MyGod.HaveyoubeeninNewYorkallthistime?”

“Letmego,Daddy.”Tearsstartedtofillmyeyes.“Please,ifyoueverlovedme,you’llletmego.”

“ThereisnowayI’mlettingyougo.Whatthehellhappenedtoyou?”

“There you are, dar—” My mother stopped mid-word as her eyes popped out of her head.

“Jillian?”

Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.

“Youhavesomeseriousexplainingtodo,younglady!”Hervoicegrewloud.

This was it. I knew one day this moment would come, but I didn’t think it would be so soon. I

neededtocollectmythoughtsand,forthefirsttimeinmylife,standuptomyparents.Iwasatwenty-

four-year-oldwomanwithherownlifeandIneededtoactlikeone.AsmuchasIwantedtorunoutof

theroom,Iwouldfacethemasanadult.

“What’sgoingonhere?”Drewaskedashewalkedupandsawtheholdmyfatherhadonme.

“Excuseme?Whoareyou?”mymotheraskedasshelookedhimupanddown.

“It’snotimportantwhoIam.PleaseremoveyourhandfromhernowbeforeIdoitforyou.”He

glaredatmyfather.

“Drew,thesearemyparents.”

“Ohshit,”hespoke.

“Likeyourmothersaid,Jillian,youhavesomeseriousexplainingtodo.Whatkindofpersondoes

whatyoudid?”Myfatherasked.

“Yes. Do you know the embarrassment you have caused this family?” my mother spoke through

grittedteeth.“NottomentionwhatyoudidtopoorGrant.He’sdevastated.”

Myjawdropped.“Ohyeah,poorGrant.Thetwo-timing,lying,cheatingsonofabitch!”Iyelled.

“Okay.Nothere.”Drewplacedhisarmaroundmywaist.

“Isthisyournewboytoy?”mymotherscowled.

“I’mJillian’sfriendandthisisnottheplacetohavethisdiscussion.”

“Fine,”myfatherspoke.“Wecandoitinourhotelsuite.We’restayingatthePlaza.Jillian,come

withus.”

“No.”

“Jillian,youheardwhatyourfathersaid.Nowlet’sgo!”mymotherharshlyspoke.

“No.”Ifoldedmyarms.

“Excuse us for a moment.” Drew held up his finger and took hold of my arm, leading me away

from my parents. “I know you’re in shock right now, but you knew eventually you’d have to face

them.They’reherenow,soyoumightaswellgetitoverwith.Onceyou’vetalked,it’sover.”

“Thereisnotalkingtothem,Drew.”

“Jillian,youaretwenty-fouryearsold.Theycan’thurtyouanymore.Tellthemhowyoufeeland

moveon.”

“Willyoucomewithme?”

“OfcourseIwill.”Hekissedmyhead.“Takeinadeepbreath.Youcandothis.You’reastrong,

independentwoman.”

“Fine.”

Iwalkedovertowheremyparentswerestanding.“We’llfollowyoutothePlaza.”

“No.You’llbecomingwithus.Yourfriendcanseeyouanothertime,”mymotherspoke.

Iglaredatmymotherastherageinsidestartedtoconsumeme.

“Isaidwe’llfollowyoutothehotel.He’scomingwithmeorelseyoudon’tgettotalktome.Do

youunderstand?”

“It’sfine,Jillian.”Myfathersighed.“Let’sgo.Shallwe?”

ChapterThirty-One

Jillian

ItookinadeepbreathasDrewplacedhishandonthesmallofmybackandweclimbedintothe

Bentley.

“ThePlazaHotel,Roland,”hespoke.

“Idon’tthinkIcandothissober.Ineedadrink.Don’tyoukeepanyliquorinhere?”IaskedasI

lookedaround.

“Jillian,you’llbefine.”Hetookholdofmyhand.“Trustme.YoucandothisandI’llbethereright

byyourside.”

“Istillneedalcohol.”Ilaidmyheadonhisshoulder.

“Icanguaranteethere’safullystockedfridgeintheirsuite.Justgrabsomethingwhenyougetin

there.”

Rolandpulledupbehindmyparents’limoandthefourofusgotoutatthesametime.Mymother

glaredatmethewholewayuptotheirsuite.Oncethedoorshut,theshitwasabouttohitthefan.My

nerves were spastic and I needed to calm down. Walking over to the refrigerator, I opened it and

pulledoutabottleofbeer.

“What on earth are you doing?” my mother asked in disgust as I took the cap off the bottle and

tookalargesip.

“I’mdrinkingabeer.Doyouhaveaproblemwiththat?”

“Youbetterwatchyourattitude,younglady.”Myfatherpointedatme.“Nowsitdown!”

“Nothankyou.I’dratherstand.So,who’sgoingtogofirst?Mother?Father?”

“Whydidyoudoit?”myfatherasked.“AftereverythingyourmotherandIhavedoneforyou,this

ishowyourepayus?”

“AndhowdareyousaythosethingsaboutGrant,”mymotherchimedin.“He’sheartbroken.”

“I’msureheis,”Ispokeinasarcastictone.“Andtoansweryourquestion,Daddy,IdiditbecauseI

wantedout.”

“Whatdoyoumeanbythat?”hegrowled.

“Iwantedoutfromthegripsofbothofyou.Youranmyentirelife.Youneveronceaskedmewhat

Iwanted.”

“It didn’t matter what you wanted. We’re your parents and we knew what was best for you,” my

mothersaid.

“No!Youdidn’tknowwhatwasbestforme,”Ishouted.“Youneverletmeexplorelifeanddothe

thingsIwantedtodo.YouweresobusytryingtomakesureIwastheperfectdaughterthatmadeyou

lookgoodthatyoudidn’tgiveadamnabouthowIfelt.”

“Oh, stop being so dramatic.” My mother waved her hand in front of her face. “We gave you

everythingyouwanted.”

“YougavemeeverythingyouthoughtIwanted!”Ipointedather.“Youchosemyfriends,whatI

ate, what I could and couldn’t wear, what school I had to attend, college, my career, and my future

husband!Youdidn’tgivemeachoice,andlikeafool,Iputupwithitforfartoolong.Grantdidn’t

wanttomarrymeanymorethanIwantedtomarryhim.Hecheatedonme!Didyouknowthatonthe

nightofhisbachelorparty,hesleptwithnotone,buttwostrippersatthesametime?!”

Mymotherlookedawaywithanastylookonherface.“Grantlovesyou.Hewouldneverdothat

andwhatyoudidtohimandtousisunforgivable.”Shefoldedherarms.

“Well,atleastweagreeonsomethingbecausewhatyoudidtomeisunforgivable.”

The room became silent for a few moments, and when I looked over at Drew, there was a deep

sadnessinhiseyes.Thiswasn’tfairtohim.Heshouldn’thavehadtohearthis.

“You’veembarrassedthisfamily,Jillian,”myfatherspoke.“Andyouthrewawayamillion-dollar

wedding.”

“Isthatallthatmatterstoyou?Themoney?Ididn’taskforafuckingmillion-dollarwedding.That

wasallher,”Ipointedtomymother,“doing.”

“Why did you come to New York?” he asked. “And how did you slip away so quietly without a

trace?Youhaven’tusedyourcreditcardsandyourbankaccounthasn’tbeentouched.Whathaveyou

beendoingformoney?”

“Oh, I’m sure this one over here has been supporting her.” My mother pointed at Drew. “Is that

whyyouleftGrant?Forhim?”

Narrowingmyeyesather,Icouldn’tbelieveshedraggedDrewintothis.

“How dare you! You want the truth?” I strutted over to her and my father. “Because you aren’t

going to like it. When I turned twenty-one, my grandmother left me a trust fund with four million

dollarsinit.”

Theshockontheirfaceswaspricelessanditgavemegreatsatisfactiontofinallytellthem.

“What?”myfatheraskedinanger.

“That’sright,Daddy.YourmothermadesurethatIwouldbetakencareofwhenIfinallydecided

tobreakfreefromthisso-calledfamilyandprisonIwaslivingin.Shekneweverything.”

“Thatwretchedwoman!”heyelled.“Howdareshehidethatfromme!”

“ShediditbecauseshelovedmeandknewIneededanout.AslongasIstayedinSeattlearound

thetwoofyouandGrant,IwouldneverknowwhoItrulywas.”

Seeingthemsittingthereweakandtheirdefensesdowngavemethestrengthtocontinue.Drewsat

backinhischair,staringatmeandwaitingforwhatwastocomenext.

“Whatdoyoumeanyouwouldneverknowwhoyoutrulywere?”myfatherasked.

“YoumademeintosomeoneIdon’tevenknow!Youmoldedmeintowhatyouwantedmetobe.

Youdidn’tletmedecidewhatIwantedtobeorletmediscovermyself.Youshovedyourlifedown

mythroatandeverytimeIlookinthemirror,Iseeacompletestranger!”

“Oh for God’s sake, Jillian. You are such a drama queen,” my mother snarled. “The fact of the

matter is that you have embarrassed this family and you need to do some serious apologizing. Not

onlytousandthecommunitythatsupportedyou,butalsotoGrant.”

IcouldfeelthefireriseinsidemybodyandtheangerIfeltgrewmoreintense.

“Anembarrassment?Me?”Icalmlyspoke.“Ifanyoneshouldbeembarrassed,it’syou,Daddy.”

“Me?Whyme?”

“DoyouknowwhyIcametoNewYork?”

Mymotherrolledhereyes.“I’msureitwasforhim.”

“LEAVEDREWOUTOFTHIS!”Ishouted.“Icameherebecauseofmysister!Youknow,thechild

youcreatedwithanotherwoman?”Iglaredatmyfather.

Mymotherlookedathimandswallowedhardwhilemyfathersatthereandblanklystaredatme.

Finally,theywerespeechless.

“Howdidyoufindoutabouther?”mymotherasked.

Cockingmyhead,Inarrowedmyeyeather.“Youknewabouther?”

“OfcourseIdid.Nowanswerthequestion.”

“She contacted me two years ago after her mother passed away. She told her everything. We

bondedandbecamecloselikesistersshouldbe.Ican’tbelieveIhadasisterandyounevertoldme!”

“Youwereneversupposedtofindoutabouther,”myfathersoftlyspokeashelookeddown.

“Well,toofuckingbad.Idid.Whatkindoffatherjustignoresthefactthathehasanotherchild?”

“I’mnotrehashingthepast,Jillian.Dropitandyouarenevertospeakofhertoanyone.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that because she’ll be dead in six to nine months.” A tear

formedinmyeye.

Myfatherlookedupatme.“Whatdoyoumean?”

“Shehasbraincancerandthere’snothingmorethedoctorscandoforher.SoIhopeyoufeellike

shit,butI’msureyoudon’t.Neitheroneofyouhasacompassionateboneinyourbody.”

Mymotherraisedherbrowandlookedaway.

“I’msorry,”myfatherspoke.

“Sorry?”Ileanedmyeartowardshim.“You’resorryforwhat?ThatIfoundout,thatshe’sdying,

orthatyounevergotthechancetoknowyourowndaughter?”

“Maybeallofit.”Helookeddown.

Istoodthereandslowlyshookmyhead.

“IthankGodeverydaythatI’mnothinglikethebothofyou.HowI’mnotisamiracle.”

TheybothsatthereinsilenceandDrewlookedatmewithasmallgrin.HeknewIhadwon.

“Iwanttomeether,”myfatherspoke.

“What?”mymotherlashedout.“No!Youarenotmeetingthatwoman.”

“Willyoushutthehellupforonceinyourlife,Patricia!”hecommandedather.“Inevershould

havelistenedtoyouinthefirstplace.NowI’velosttwodaughters.”

“Jillianwillbecominghome.We’llworkthisout.She’llapologizeandwecanallmoveon.”

“ThefuckIwill!”

“Don’tyoudareusethatlanguageinmypresence,”shespokeinanger.

“Oh,Iwillusethatlanguageinyourpresence.Youcannotandwillnottellmewhattodo.Iama

grown woman who makes her own decisions. If I want to say ‘fuck,’ I will and I’ll say it as many

timesasIwantto.”

“Whathappenedtoyou?”Mymothernarrowedhereyesindisgustatme.“Whathappenedtomy

daughter?”

“Thedaughteryoucreatedisgoneandshe’snevercomingback.She’sdeadandburieddeepdown

inthedepthsoftheEarth.Bytheway,thatmansittingovertherethatyoukeepreferringto,hisname

isDrewWestbrookandyouwillrespecthim.”

IgrabbedmypursefromthetableandDrewfollowedmetothedoor.

“Goodbye,Mr.andMrs.Bell.Oh,andbytheway,Patricia,Kellanhelpedmeplanmylittleescape.

He knew where I was the whole time. You are to stay away from him. If I even catch a hint of you

goinganywherenearhimagain,IwillleaktothepressaboutDaddy’sillegitimatechildandhowthe

twoofyouwenttogreatlengthstokeepherasecret.”

“Youwouldn’tdare.”Sheglaredatme.

“And you never thought I’d skip out on my wedding day either.” I smiled. “Don’t underestimate

me.Ilearnedfromthebest.”

Walkingoutthedoor,IletoutadeepbreathandfellintoDrew’sarms.

ChapterThirty-Two

Drew

IheldherastightlyasIcouldandranmyhandupanddownherback.Iexpectedhertobreakdown

andstartcrying,butshedidn’t.

“I’msoproudofyouforholdingittogetherinthereandstandinguptothem.”Ikissedthetopof

herhead.“Areyouokay?”

Shebrokeourembraceandlookedupatme.

“I’mfine.Actually,Ifeelgreat.Isthatfuckedup?”

Iletoutalightchuckle.“I’mnotsure.”

“Let’sgetoutofherebeforeoneofthemopensthedoor,”shespoke.

AsweclimbedintothebackoftheBentley,Jillianlaidherheadonmyshoulder.

“Willyoustaywithmetonight?”sheasked.

“OfcourseIwill.Iwasn’tplanningonleavingyouanyway.Wheredoyouwanttostay?Myplace

oryours?”

“How about your place? But can we stop by mine really quick so I can grab some clothes for

tomorrow?Ireallydon’tfeellikeputtingthisdressbackoninthemorning.”

“ToJillian’sapartment,Roland,”Ispoke.

After stopping by Jillian’s apartment, we headed to my townhouse. Jillian went upstairs while I

grabbed a bottle of wine and a couple of glasses. When I walked into the bedroom, she was in the

bathroom washing her face and letting her hair down. I poured us some wine, climbed under the

covers,andwaitedforher.

“Ibroughtsomewine.Ifiguredyou’dwantsome.”

“Thankyou.”Shesoftlysmiledassheclimbedinnexttome.

Takingtheglassfrommyhand,shebroughtittoherlips.

“Sonowwhat?”Iasked.“Whatareyougoingtodoaboutyourparents?”

“Nothing.IsaidwhatIhadtoandit’sdone.I’mnevergoingbacktoSeattle.I’msorryyouhadto

witnessallthatandI’msorryforruiningyournight.”

“Youdidn’truinmynightanddon’tbesorry.Yourparents.Wow.”Ishookmyhead.

“Itoldyou.They’resomethingelse.Ilivedmywholelifelikethat.”Shefinishedoffherwineand

heldherglasstome.

Grabbingthebottlefromthenightstand,Irefilledherglass.

“Areyoustillupforgoingtomyparents’housetomorrow?”

“OfcourseIam.DoyouthinkI’mgoingtoletthisruinanything?I’mdonelettingmyparentsruin

andrunmylife.”

Ireachedoverandsoftlystrokedhercheek.“Youareabravewoman,JillianBell.”

“Thanks.I’mtryingtobe.TonightwasthelastthingIneededwitheverythingelsegoingon.”

“Iknow.”Ipulledherintomeandkissedherhead.

****

Thenextmorning,IopenedmyeyesasJillianstirredinmyarms.Kissingherback,Isoftlyspoke,

“Goodmorning.”

Sheturnedandfacedme,placingherhandandherheadonmychest.

“Goodmorning.Whattimeisit?”

“Eighto’clock.”

Sheyawned.

“Youwererestlesslastnight,”Ispoke.

“Ikepthavingbaddreamsaboutmyparents.Ugh.Idon’twanttothinkortalkaboutthem.What’s

forbreakfast?”sheaskedwithasmile.

“Whatdoyouwant?”Myarmtightenedaroundherasmyhandsoftlystrokedherarm.

“Idon’tknow.Let’sgoseewhatwecanwhipup.Doyouknowhowtocook?”Sheglancedupat

me.

“Yes.”Igrinned.

“Really?I’msurprised.”

“Why?”Ichuckled.

“Idon’tknow.Ijustam.”

“Iusedtohelpmymomcookallthetime.Comeon,let’sgomakesomecoffeeandgetbreakfast

started.”

“CanIjustsayonething?”

“What?”Ismiled.

“I’mhappyyoucancookbecauseIcan’t.Ican’tevenboilwater.”Shelaughed.“Ifyousaidyou

couldn’tcook,we’dbescrewed.”

“ThenIwillteachyou.”IwinkedasIkissedhersoftlips.“Andafterbreakfast,Ipromiseyouwill

bescrewed.”

Assheliftedherselfupfromme,shegrabbedthepillowandhitmewithit.

“You’redirty.”Shegrinned.

“YouhavenoideahowdirtyIcanbe,MissBell.”

Afterbreakfastandalonglovemakingsessionintheshower,Igotdressedandrantotheofficeto

grab some files I wanted to look over before Monday. When I entered the building, I saw Jillian’s

fatherinthelobby.

“Mr.Bell?Whatareyoudoinghere?”

“Please,callmeDonald.”Heheldouthishand.

“HowdidyouknowthatI’dbeheretoday?”

“Thisisyourcompany,right?”

“Yes.”

“PeoplelikeusarealwaysintheofficeonSaturdays.Ineedtotalktoyouforamoment.”

“Sure.Comeuptomyoffice.Wecantalkthere.”

Takingtheelevatoruptothetwelfthfloor,weenteredmyofficeandItoldhimtotakeaseat.

“What’sthisabout?I’mnotreallysureIshouldbetalkingtoyou.”

“Iunderstand,butyou’retheonlyconnectionIhavetoJillianrightnow.Ineedyoutogetherto

seeme.Ineedtotalktoheralone.”

“Whataboutyourwife?”IaskedasIleanedbackinmychair.

“Screw her. She’s to blame for all of this and I won’t let her stand in the way of me and my

daughtersanymore.IneedtoapologizetoJillianandIneedtomeetKristen.”

“Idon’tknowwhatyouwantmetodo.I’mprettypositiveJillianwon’tseeyou.”

“Thenit’suptoyoutomakesureshedoes.Here’smynumber.Please,Drew.Ineedyourhelp.”

“Youdon’tevenknowme.Howcouldyoutrustme?”

“Iknowenough.Iknowyou’reinlovewithher.IsawitlastnightandIseeitnow.Peopledeserve

a second chance. Even when they’ve screwed up so badly, they deserve the chance to make it right.

Please,Drew.”

Isighed.“I’lltalktoher,butIcan’tguaranteeanything.”

“Iknow.Ijustaskthatyoupleasetrytoconvinceher.”

“We’regoingtomyparents’housefordinnerlater,soI’lltalktoherafter.Maybethetwoofyou

canmeetuptomorrow.”

“Thankyou,Drew.”Hestoodupandheldouthishand.“You’reagoodmanwithagoodheart.I

cantellthatmuchandJillianisluckytohaveyouinherlife.”

Afterhewalkedoutofmyoffice,IgrabbedthefilesIneededandheadedbacktothetownhouse.

Jillian was going to be upset when I told her that her father paid me a visit, but that conversation

wouldhavetowaituntiltonight.

ChapterThirty-Three

Jillian

Drew took hold of my hand as we walked up the driveway of his parents’ house. As we stepped

throughthedoor,hecalledouttothem.

“We’reinthekitchen,honey,”hismomspoke.

When we walked into the kitchen, his mom was at the island patting together hamburger meat.

WhenIlookedatherandshesawme,westaredateachotherforabriefmoment.

“Jillian?”Shesmiled.

“Andrea?”

Drewraisedhisbrowashelookedatbothofus.

“Youtwoknoweachother?”heasked.

Andreawashedherhands,walkedovertome,andgavemeahug.

“Ican’tbelievethis.Howareyou,honey?”

“I’mgood.OhmyGod,Ican’tbelievethis.”

“Waitaminute.Youneveransweredmyquestion.Howthehelldoyoutwoknoweachother?”

“ImetJillianatthehospitalwhenshewastherewithhersister.Wehadanicelittlechatandabagel

andcoffeetogetherinthecafeteria.”

“Wow.Thisisunbelievable,”Drewspoke.

“Hithere,Jillian.I’mLou,Drew’sdad.”

“Hi,Lou.It’snicetomeetyou.”

“Likewise.”Hegrinned.

“Lou, take Drew outside and start the grill. Jillian and I have some catching up to do.” Andrea

winked.

Drewletgoofmyhandandstaredatmewithaconfusedlookonhisfaceashefollowedhisdad

outside.

“Wasmysonthemanyouweretalkingaboutthatdayinthehospital?”Shesmiled.

Ilookeddowninembarrassment.“Yes.”

“YoutwometinHawaii?”sheaskedasshecontinuedmakingthehamburgerpatties.

“We actually met on the plane to Hawaii. His seat was next to mine and then we ended up at the

samehotel.”

“ItakeityoumetJess,then?”

“Ohyeah.Imetherandhaddinnerwiththemonenight.”

“She’sarealpeach.Isn’tshe?”Shesmirked.

“Shesureis.IranintoherwhileKristenandIwerehavinglunchtheotherday.Shewasshockedto

seemehereinNewYork.”

“Oh,I’msureshewas.Yousaidthatyoudidn’tknowwherethemanyoumetlived.Howdidyou

andDrewreconnect?”

“Webumpedintoeachotheronthestreet.Likeliterallybumpedintoeachother.”

Shegavemeawidegrin.“DoesJessknowthetwoofyouareseeingeachother?”

Before I could answer, Drew and his dad walked in the kitchen and his dad took the plate of

burgersouttothegrillwhileDrewstayedbehind.

“Ohmygosh.I’msorude.Ihopeyoulikeburgers,Jillian.Ifyoudon’t,Icanfixyousomething

else.”

“Trustme,Mom.Shelikesburgers.”Hegrinned.

Inarrowedmyeyeathimandgavehisshoulderanudge.Afterwefinisheddinner,Andreatoldme

andDrewtogositoutsidewhilesheandLoucleanedup.Iinsistedonhelping,butsheshovedusout

thepatiodoor.Drewhandedmeaglassofwineandwetookaseatonthebenchesinthegazebothat

satinthecenteroftheyard.

“Ican’tbelieveyoumetmymomatthehospital.”

“Ican’tbelieveshe’syourmom.Howweirdisthat?”

“Veryweird.Infact,everythinginrelationtousisweird,”hespoke.

“Howdoyoumean?”

“Well,myflightwascancelledandIwasputonanotherflightintheseatnexttoyou.Outofallthe

hotelsinHawaii,weendedupatthesameone.Wegottoknoweachotherbetterunexpectedly.”He

winked. “Then you moved to New York, where I live, which you didn’t know, you rented the

apartmentthatIown,whichyoudidn’tknow,andofallthenursesatthehospital,youhappentohave

coffeeandabagelwiththeonewhohappenstobemymother.And,lastly,ofthemillionsofpeoplein

NewYorkCity,werunintoeachotheronthestreet.Ifyouaskme,weweresupposedtomeet.Ifwe

didn’tmeetonthatplane,wewouldhavesomewhereelse.”

“Youthink?”Ibitdownonmybottomlip.

“Yeah,andtrustme,I’mnotabelieverinthosetypesofthings,butwhathappenedwithusmademe

thinktwice.”Hesmiledashegrabbedmyhand.

Afeelinghitthepitofmystomach.Itwasafeelingoffear,uncertainty.Hereferredtothisas“us.”

WasItakingitinthewrongcontext?HewastalkingabouttheuniverseandthegrandplanofCupid.

Hewasn’tabelieverandnowhewas.Ifearedhewantedarelationshipwhereitwasjustthetwoofus.

Thekindofrelationshipwherewewentondates,hadsex,andspenteverysecondwecouldtogether.

Thenithitme.Thatwasexactlywhatwashappeningwithus.HewasthefirstpersonImetfromthe

escape of my old life. I attached myself to him because he was familiar, not thinking of the

repercussions of my behavior. I needed someone because of everything I was going through. A

shouldertocryon.Sextofillthevoidthatwashidingintheshadowsofmylife.Andnow,hewanted

more,orhebelieveditwasmorethanwhatitreallywas.MaybeIwasjustoveracting,beingparanoid.

Butthesmileonhisfacealludedtothefactthatheconsideredmehisgirlfriend.

I’dfallenforhim.Therewasnodoubtaboutthat.ButItookittoofar,beingreadilyavailablewhen

heasked.Myself-journey.Whatajoke.DidIuseDrewtocomfortmyselfwhenmypitypartywasin

fullforce?Ihadneverbeentrulyalone.IwentfrommyparentsandGrantstraightintothearmsof

DrewWestbrook.Myplanwassooffcoursethat,onceagain,Ifeltlostandconfused.Iwastocreatea

homebasehere,spendsometimewithKristen,andthenjetofftocontinuemyself-journey.Butnow,

IfeltmorelostthanwhenIleftSeattle.

Itwasgettinglate,sowesaidgoodbyetohisparentsandclimbedintotheBentley.

“There’ssomethingIneedtotalktoyouabout,socanwegobacktoyourplace?”hespoke.

NervesfloodedmybodybecauseIfearedhewastalkingaboutourrelationship.

“Okay.”

Walkingintomyapartment,Ithrewmykeysonthecounterandgrabbedabottleofopenedwine

fromtherefrigerator.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” I nervously asked as my shaking hands poured some

wineintotwoglasses.

He took in a deep breath. This was it. The moment of truth when he would ask me about our

relationship.

“Yourfatherpaidmeavisittodayattheoffice.”

IletoutthedeepbreathIhadbeenholdingforwhatseemedlikeforever.“Myfather?Why?”

“Hewantstotalktoyouandheaskedformyhelp.”

“Ihavenothingtosaytohimormymother,”IspokeasIbroughttheglassuptomylips.

“Ithasnothingtodowithher.It’sjusthim.Igetthefeelinghewantstoapologize.”

“Littletoolateforthat.”Isoftlylaughed.

“Justmeetwithhim,Jillian.Hearhimoutandthenmoveon.”

“Youweretherelastnight.”Iraisedmyvoice.“YouheardhimsayhowIembarrassedthefamily

andcosthimamilliondollarsand,”Ishrugged,“IalreadyheardhimoutandIhavemovedon.”

“Iknow.Butyoudidn’tseehimatmyofficetoday.Hewasapologeticandhewasbeggingmefor

myhelp.Hesaidthatyourmotherwastoblameforallthisandthatshewasn’tgoingtostandinthe

wayofhimandhisdaughtersanymore.”

“Heplayedhispart.Trustme.Hedidnothingtostopherandhewentalongwitheverythingshe

saidanddid.”

“Hescrewedup,Jill.Evenpeoplewhoscrewupsobadlydeserveasecondchance.”

Icockedmyheadandnarrowedmyeyesathim.“Areyoudefendinghim?”

“No.I’mjustsayingthatyoushouldlethimapologizetoyou.Whatyoudowiththatapologyisup

toyou.Buthearthemanout.”

“Whoareyoutotellmewhattodo?Thisismyfamilyandit’snoneofyourbusiness,”Ishouted.

“Youmadeitmybusiness!”Hepointedhisfingertothefloor.

Angertoreupinsideme.Howdarehe.

“Well,I’mmakingityourun-business.Ispentmyentirelifelisteningtowhatotherpeopletoldme

IhadtodoandIwon’tstandhereandlistentoitfromsomeguythatI’veonlyknownafewweeks.”

“IsthatallIamtoyou?Someguyyou’veonlyknownafewweeks?”

Shit.

“You’remyfriend,Drew,andIappreciateeverythingyou’vedoneforme,butthisismylifeand

whatgoesiswhatIsay.Notwhatanyoneelsesays.”

“I’myourfriend,eh?”Hisvoiceloweredasheplacedhishandsinhispantspockets.

“Ofcourse.Whatelsewouldyoube?”

“Nothing.I’mgoingtogo.Dowhatyouthinkisbestforyouinregardtoyourfather.I’llseeyou

around,Jillian,”hespokeashewalkedtowardsthedoor.

“Drew,I’msorry.Ineedyoutounderstand.Mylifeisseriouslycomplicatedrightnow.”

Placinghishandonthedoorknob,heloweredhishead.

“Idounderstand.”

ChapterThirty-Four

Drew

Inaninstant,myheartwasbroken.Sheobviouslydidn’tfeelthesamewayasIfeltabouther.Isaw

thelookonherfaceatmyparents’housewhenIsaidtheword“us.”Therewasfearinhereyes.DidI

truly understand? Sort of. As much as I tried to respect her decision about her self-journey, I had

hopedthatshewouldchangehermindandthatImadeherlifealittlelesscomplicated.Iwaswrong.

MaybeImovedtoofast.Butthatcouldn’tbehelped.Shehadmetheminuteshesteppedontotheplane

andsatdownnexttome.I’dbrokenupwithmanywomeninmylifeandI’dneverfeltthiskindof

painbefore.Wewereperfecttogetherandforeachother.ShefilledavoidinmylifethatIneverknew

existed.HowthefuckwasIgoingtogetoverher?

ThenextmorningasIwasinthekitchensippingonsomecoffeeandwallowinginself-pity,Jane

walkedthroughthedoor.

“Goodmorning,Drew.”Shebrightlysmiled.

“Hey,Jane.”Iglancedupather.“Whyareyouhere?It’syourdayoff.”

“Ineededtocheckonsomethingsinthepantry.I’mheadingtothegrocerystoretoday,soIwant

tomakesureIdon’tforgetanything.What’swrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Youcan’tfoolme,Drew.Iknowwhensomethingiswrong.”Shewalkedovertothecoffeepot

andpouredacupofcoffee.

“Idon’twanttotalkaboutit.”

“DoesthishavesomethingtodowithJillian?”sheaskedasshetookaseatnexttome.

“I’mprettysurewewon’tbeseeingeachotheranymore.”

“What?Why?”

“Herlifeiscomplicatedrightnow,asshesays.ThedayImetherontheplanewasherwedding

dayandshehadjustleftherfiancéatthealtar.It’salongstory.”

“Isee.Soshe’snotreadytojumpintoanotherrelationshipyet.That’sunderstandable.Justgiveher

sometime,she’llcomearound.Youareaveryhardmantoresist.”

“She’sonaself-discoveryjourneyandI’veknownthat.Shemadeitveryclearwhenwefirstmet

ontheplane.Iwastryingtobecarefulandrespectthat,butImovedtoofast.Ilosther,Jane.”

“Givehersomespace.Letherdiscoverherselfandthenshe’llcomebacktoyou.Iknowshewill.

Patienceisavirtue,Drew.”

“PatienceissomethingIdon’thavewhenitcomestoher.Ifeeldestroyedinside.”

“That’sbecauseyouloveher.Lovehurts.You’venevertrulybeeninlove,sothisisnewtoyou.If

youloveherthatmuch,thenyou’lllethergo.Letherdowhatsheneedstodo.Isn’therhappinessall

youwant?”

Takingthelastsipofcoffeefrommycup,IsighedasIlookedoveratJane.

“Yes.Ijustwanthertobehappyandlivethelifeshewantsanddeserves.”

“Thenthereyouhaveit.”Shepattedmyback.“Sometimeslettinggoofthethingsweloveisthe

hardestpartoflife.Butifshewasmeanttobeyoursandyouweremeanttobehers,you’llfindyour

waybacktoeachother.Don’tloseyourselfintheprocess,Drew.Staystrongandholdontothatlittle

bitofhope.”

“Thanks,Jane.”

“You’rewelcome.I’mofftothegrocerystore.I’llseeyouinthemorning.”

****

Jillian

Iwasahorribleperson.IknewwhatIsaidwouldhurthim.Thelookofsadnessinhiseyesstabbed

mestraightthroughtheheart.Awoundthatwassodeep,Ihatedmyself.Ilayinbed,exhaustedfrom

allthetearsthatfelllastnight.HadInotsaidwhatIdid,Iwouldbewrappedupinthecomfortand

safety of Drew’s arms. Instead, I was alone. Which was what I wanted, right? Fuck if I knew what I

wantedanymore.Thiswasn’thowthingsweresupposedtohappen.Iwasinnopositiontofallfora

manandKristenwasn’tsupposedtobedying.Mylifehadchangedintheblinkofaneye,andnow,I

founditwastoomuchtohandle.

Climbingoutofbed,Ishowered,gotmyselfdressed,andlookedatmyphone,debatingwhetheror

not to call my father. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Drew said about everyone deserving a

second chance. Was I really that much of a cold-hearted bitch that I couldn’t at least let my father

apologizetome?MymindwentbacktotheconversationIhadwithAno,theonewherehetoldme

that I needed to be fearless to continue my journey. Was I scared to let my father apologize to me?

ThedeeperIsearchedintomysoulforanswers,themoreconfusedIbecame.Dialinghisnumber,I

tookinadeeplongbreath.

“Hello,”heanswered.

“Dad,it’sJillian.Iwastoldyouwantedtotalk.”

“Jillian,thankyouforcalling.Ihadhopedyouwould.”

“Ifyouwanttotalk,meetmeatTheLakeinCentralParkatthreeo’clock.”

“I’llbethere.Thankyou,Jillian.”

“Seeyousoon.”Ihungupbeforehehadachancetosayanythingelse.

IhadtwohoursbeforeIhadtomeetmyfatherinCentralPark,soIheadedtoKristen’sandNoah’s

apartment.Ineededtotalktoherandwarnherofourfather ’sintentions.

“Hey,you.”KristensmiledasIwalkedthroughthedoor.

“Hey.”Ikissedhercheek.“AreyouandNoahbusy?”

“We’rejustgoingoversomeweddingstuff.Areyouokay?”

“I need to talk to you about something,” I spoke as I set my purse down and took a seat on the

couch.

“Itsoundsserious,”Noahspokeashewalkedintotheroom.

“Iguessyoucansayitis.There’ssomethingIhaven’ttoldyouyet,”IspokeasIlookedatKristen.

“Fridaynight,atthecharityevent,Iranintomyparents.”

“Shit.Whatweretheydoingthere?”Kristenasked.

“Apparently, they were invited. Who knows? The whole night was a clusterfuck with them.

Anyway, things were said and there were a lot of raised voices. I told our father about our

relationshipandIalsotoldhimaboutyourillness.Hewantstomeetyou.”

“Fuckhim!”Noahshouted.

Kristenputherhanduptohim.“Noah,please.”

“Youseriouslyaren’tconsideringit,areyou?”heaskedher.

“Whatharmwoulditdo?IthinkIshouldatleastmeetmyfatherbeforeIdie.”

I sat there and stared at the brave and beautiful woman who was my sister. She was filled with

courageandstrengthandIadmiredhergreatlyforit.

“Areyousure,Kristen?Howcanyouforgivehimforwhathedid?”

Asmallsmilecrossedherlipsasshereachedoverandtookholdofmyhand.

“Forgivenessiswhatgivesusstrengthinlife,Jill.Forgivenesssetsyoufree.”

“I’mmeetinghiminCentralPark.Supposedly,hewantstoapologizetome.”

“WhataboutPatricia?”sheasked.

“I’mnotsosurethingsaregoodbetweenthem.Notthattheyeverwere,buthemadeacommentto

Drewthatshewillnolongerstandinthewayofhimandhisdaughters.”

“SpeakingofDrew,howwerehisparents?”

“You’renevergoingtobelievethis.”

“Nowwhat?”Shecockedherhead.

“Youknowyournurse,Andrea?”

“Yeah.”Shefrowned.

“She’shismother.”

“Noway!SothesonshewastalkingaboutallthattimewasDrew?”

“Yes.”

“Andyouconnectedwithherrightawayandevenhadcoffeeandabagelwithher?”

“Yep.Isuredid.”

“Notknowingthatwashismother?”

“Nope.Ihadnoclue.”Ishookmyhead.

Sheletoutalongsigh.“Theuniverseissmackingyourightupsidethehead,Jill.”

“Yeah. Well, I said something last night that hurt Drew and I’m not sure he’ll be coming around

anymore.”

“Ohforfucksakes.Whatdidyoudo?”

“Hejustcan’tunderstandthatIcan’tbewithanyonerightnow.”

“Oh,Jill.Drewisthebestthingthathaseverhappenedtoyou.”

“Ireallydon’twanttotalkaboutitrightnow.Pleaseunderstand.”

“Okay. But we’re going to talk about it soon. Oh, by the way, after the wedding, Noah and I are

goingonahoneymoon.”Shebeamedwithexcitement.

“Whereto?”Iasked.

“Italy. I know it’s last minute, but he wasn’t sure if he could get the time off work. But his boss

gavehimtwoweeks.”

“Wow.That’sgreat.I’msohappyforyou.Butareyouwellenoughtotravel?”

“I’llneverbewellenoughagain,sis.ButI’llbeokay.ItalyisaplaceI’vealwayswantedtoseeand

myfuturehusbandisgoingtomakesureIgetto.”Shesmiled.

Ilookedatmywatch.Itwastimetoleavetogomeetmyfather.

“Justpromisemeyou’lltakeiteasywhileyou’rethere.”Igotupfromthecouchandgavehera

hug.

“Youworrytoomuch.”Shelaughed.

ChapterThirty-Five

Jillian

MystomachwasabundleofnervesasIsawmyfathersittingdownunderneathalargetree,outof

the sun and away from the crowd of people who were enjoying the warm sunny day. As I slowly

walkedtowardshim,Icouldseethesadnessthatresidedonhisface.ItwasalookthatI’donlyseen

onceinmylifeandthatwaswhenmygrandmotherpassedaway.

“Hello,Jillian.”Hislipsgavewaytoasmallsubtlesmile.

“Daddy,”IspokeasIsatdownnexttohim.

“Howareyou?”heasked.

“I’mhere.Sowhatdidyouwanttotalkabout?”IaskedasIstaredstraightahead,notbeingableto

lookhimintheeyes.

“Iwanttoapologizetoyoufortheothernight.Aftergivingourdiscussionsomeseriousthought,I

nowunderstandwhyyoudidit.WhyyouleftusandGrant.”

Lookingdownandfidgetingwithmyhands,Ispoke,“Youdo?”

“Yeah,sweetheart,Ido.IneedyoutounderstandthatyourmotherandIonlywantedwhatwasbest

for you. We wanted you to be a successful, well-educated adult. Unfortunately, we went about it the

wrongwayandI’msorry.”

“You wanted me to be the perfect child. The daughter you and Mom could show off and boast

abouttoallyourhighsocietyfriends.YounevergavemethechancetobethepersonIwantedtobe.”

“Andwhodoyouwanttobe?”

“Iwanttobeme.YoubrainwashedmeintobelievingthatIhadtodoandactinsuchamanner,that

ifIdidn’t,Iwouldbenothingbutadisappointmentandadisgracetoyouboth.DidyouknowthatI

hatedballet?YetIwasforcedtotakeyearsoflessonsbecausethat’swhatallupperclassgirlstook.”

“Ithoughtyoulovedballet,Jill.”

“No,Ihatedit.JustlikeIhatedthatdamnprivateschoolyoumademegoto.Iwantedtobelikethe

normalkidsandattendapublicschool.Iwantedtomeetkidsoutsideofourupperclasscircle.Kids

whoweren’tgiveneverythingtheyeverwantedandlivedintherealworld.Iwantedtoexplorewhat

otherthingslifehadtooffer.Notjustwhatmoneycouldbuy.Andasforlawschool,Idon’tevenwant

tobealawyer,butitwasshoveddownmythroatsinceIwasfiveyearsold.”

“Whydidn’tyoucometomewithallthis?”

“Itried,butyouwerealwaysgoneortoobusy.”

“Andyourmother?”

“Shewouldtellmetostopbeingridiculousandshedidn’twanttohearanymorenonsenseoutof

mymouth.Afterawhile,Igaveupandsankintoadepressionthattookmeyearstogetoutof.”

“Youneverseemeddepressedtome.”

“That’sbecauseIwasgoodathidingit.Ihadnochoicebuttopretendtobethehappyandperfect

daughterofDonaldandPatriciaBell,whenreally,Iwasdyinginside.”

“Andyoutalkedtoyourgrandmotheraboutallofthis?”

“Yes.SheknewsomethingwaswrongwithmewhenIspentthesummeratherhousewhenIwas

fifteenyearsold.Andyouwanttoknowhowsheknew?WewereshoppingatSaksandIwasarrested

forshoplifting.”

“Mygod,Jillian.Why?”

“Acryforhelp.Acryforattention.Acrytodosomethingthatnobodywouldexpectofme.”

“I’msorry,baby.”Heplacedhishandgentlyonmyleg.

“Iwasreleasedanditneverwentonmyrecord.Grandmaknewthejudgeandhadalongtalkwith

him. We talked about everything that summer. She was the only person who understood besides

Kellan.That’swhysheleftmethemoneyforwhenIturnedtwenty-one.Sheknewthedaywouldcome

whenIwouldjustwalkaway.”

“I’msosorry.Ihadnoidea.Idon’tknowwhattosay,Jillian,exceptthatIwasashitfatherwho

cared more about his company than his family. I wasn’t there for you and I always sided with your

motherwhenIshouldn’thave.Sometimesitwasjusteasiertoagreewithher.”

“Iknowwhatyoumean.”

“Whydidn’tyouleavewhenyouturnedtwenty-one?”

Isighed.“IwasstillincollegeandIhadworkedtoohardtogettowhereIwasjusttothrowitall

away.”

“I’mafraidtoaskwhyyouwaitedforyourweddingday.”

“Ithinkyouknowtheanswertothat.”Iglancedoverathim.

Heslowlynoddedhishead.“Revenge.”

“Yep.”Ibitdownonmybottomlip.

“Youhaditplannedallalong.”

“Yep.”

Hesighed.“Iwanttomakethingsrightwithyou,Jillian.Iknowtherearen’tenoughapologiesin

theworld,butpleaseknowthatIamtrulysorry.Asforyoursister,doingwhatIdidtoherandher

motherwasoneofmybiggestregrets.IthoughtaboutheroftenandIevensawheroncewhileIwas

hereinNewYorkonbusiness.ShewashavingdinnerwithhermotheronenightatarestaurantIwas

at.Theydidn’tseeme,butIsuresawthemandIstaredatmydaughterforaslongastheywerethere.I

wantedtoreachouttoher,butIcouldn’t.Iwastooafraid.”

“Whydidyoudoit,Dad?Whydidyoujustleaveherlikethat?”

“BecauseIdidn’thaveachoice.YourmotherthreatenedtodivorcemeandtakeeverythingIhad

workedsohardformyentirelife.IfitgotoutthatIhadachildbyanotherwoman,itwouldhavebeen

disastrousbothpersonallyandprofessionally.Youhavetounderstandthat,Jill.”

“Iwillneverunderstandaparentneveracknowledginghischild.”

TherewasamomentofsilencebetweenusasIstaredstraightaheadatthepeoplewhosurrounded

thearea.Thelaughterofchildrenfilledtheair,couplessittingontheirblanketsenjoyingapicnic,and

friendsjusthangingoutenjoyingthebeautifulday.

“Iwanttomeether,Jill.Ineedtomeetmydaughter.”

Iswallowedhard,findingitdifficulttosaythewords.“I’llsetitup.”

“Thankyou.Youhavenoideahowmuchitmeanstometohearyousaythat.”

“Where’sMom?”Iasked.

“SheflewbacktoSeattlethismorning.ItoldherthatIhadsomebusinesstoattendtowhileIwas

here.Thingsaren’tgoodwithus.”

Bringingmykneestomychest,Ispoke,“Theyneverwere.”

MyfatherplacedhishandonmykneeandIturnedmyheadandlookedathim.WhatIsawwasa

broken man. A man who didn’t know what to do anymore. A man who looked lost and was

desperatelytryingtofindhiswaybackhome.ThewordsKristensaidtomekeptreplayingoverand

over in my head. “Forgiveness gives you strength and forgiveness will set you free.” Forgiveness

wassomethingIshouldn’thavefearedanditwastimetoletthatfeargo.IfIwasgoingtocontinueto

findmyself,Ihadnochoice.Anowasright;IneededtofaceandcometotermswithwhatIhaddone

anditstartedwithmyfather.

“Iforgiveyou,Dad.”Ilaidmyheadonhisshoulder.

Heleanedhisheadonmine.“Thankyou,Jill.Youareandwillalwaysbemylittlegirl.Nomatter

wherelifetakesyou,I’llalwaysloveyou.”

ChapterThirty-Six

Drew

I drove to the Hamptons and rented a boat for the day. This was something I wanted to do with

Jillianandhadplannedonaskingher,butinlightofthecurrentcircumstances,Iwentalone.Myheart

achedandIthoughtabouthereverysecond.Iwasmorethanbroken-hearted.Iwaspissed.Pissedat

myselfformovingtoofastandpissedatherfornotseeingthatIcouldbeapartofherself-journey.

As I sailed across the ocean, taking in the warmth of the breeze that swept across my face, I

reflected on my life. Maybe this was karma for leaving Marley at the altar all those years ago.

Maybe it was payback for all the women who wanted more from me that I cut loose and left

broken.I’dneverbeenhurtbefore,andnow,Ifeltwhatallthosewomenhadfelt.I’dfinallyfound

truelove,eventhoughIwasn’tlookingforit,andshemadeitclearthatshedidn’tfeelthesame

way. This was definitely karma biting me in the ass ten times over for my past behavior with

women. How the fuck was I going to get over her? I didn’t know how because I never had to

before.Sheconsumedmeandtheneedtobewithherwastoostrongformetomoveon.Ididn’t

wanttomoveon.I’dneverfindsomeonelikeJillianagain.Shewasmyonechanceandnow,my

chancewasgone.

AsIpulledinanddockedtheboat,Iheardsomeonecallingmyname.

“Drew!”Liamshoutedfromacoupleboatsover.

Turningaround,Isawhim,Avery,Oliver,andDelilahwavingatme.

“Hey.”InoddedasIwalkedovertohimandOliverandweshookhands.

“Whatareyoudoinghere,bro?”Liamasked.

“Idecidedtogooutontheboatforawhile.Hi,Avery,Delilah.”Igavethemeachahug.

“Hi,Drew.It’sgoodtoseeyou.”

Lookingovermyshoulder,Liamspoke,“Where’sJillian?”

The look on my face must have said it all because, instantly, the smile that was on Liam’s face

quicklydissipated.

“Shedidn’tcome.”

“Hey,AveryandDelilahwanttogoshopping,sowhydon’tyou,me,andOlivergohitupabarfor

acoupleofdrinksandmaybesomeburgers,”Liamspoke.

“Soundslikeaplantome.”Olivergrinned.

Did I really want company right now? No, because they knew something was wrong and I’d be

forcedtotalkaboutJillianwiththem.Hell,maybetalkingaboutherwithsomeonewouldmakeme

feelalittlebetter.

“Sure.Soundsgood.”

****

ThethreeofustookaseatatatableoutonthepatioofaplacecalledSurf.Assoonasourwaitress

broughtoverourdrinks,thequestionsstartedrollingin.

“Sowhathappened?”Liamasked.

“With?”Itookasipofmyscotch.

“Jillian?”Hisbrowarched.

Itookinasharpbreath.“Shedoesn’tfeelthesamewayaboutmeasIdoher.”

“Areyousureaboutthat?”Oliverasked.

“Bullshit!” Liam exclaimed as he sipped on his drink. “I’ve seen the two of you together and I

knowthelook.”

“Thelook?”

“Theonethatsays‘I’msointohim.’”Liamgrinned.

“What?”Oliveraskedashecockedhisheadathisbrother.“Areyousomekindofwomanexpert

now?”

“Ialwayshavebeen,dearbrother.It’sthesamelookDelilahalwayshaswithyouandit’sthelook

thatAverygetswhenshe’swithme.”Hewinked.

Oliverrolledhiseyes.“Drew,didshetellyouthatshedidn’tfeelthesameway?”

“ShetoldmeIwasherfriendandnothingmore.”Ifinishedoffmyscotch.

JustasIsaidthat,thewaitresswalkedoverandsetdownourfood.

“Hey,letmeaskyousomething,”Liamsaidtoher.

“Sure.”Shesmiledbrightlyathim.

“There’salookwomengetwhenthey’rereallyintoaguy,right?”

“I suppose so,” she answered. “I mean, I don’t know for me, but I’ve seen a look on my

girlfriends’faceswhenthey’rereallyintosomeone.”

“Describethatlook.”Liamsmiled.

“Liam!”Olivervoiced.

“Quiet,Oliver.”Liamwavedhishand.“Goon.”Hesmiledatthewaitress.

“I don’t know. It’s like a twinkle in their eye or just an overall sweetness that sweeps over their

face.It’shardtodescribe.Kindoflikeaglow.”

“Exactly!” Liam pointed his finger at her. “Thank you for your help. I will make sure to

compensateyouwithageneroustip.”Hewinked.

Shegaveuseachasmileandcasuallywalkedawayafterweorderedanotherroundofdrinks.

“See.IsawthatglowortwinklewithJillian.”

OliverrolledhiseyesandIcouldn’thelpbutchuckle.

“Goaheadanddon’tbelieve,Oliver,butit’strue.Andyou,mybrofriend,”hepointedatme,“need

toclaimwhatisyours.”

“AndhowdoIdothat?Shedoesn’twantarelationship.She’sveryadamantaboutthat.”

Liamwavedhishandinfrontofhisface.“SowasAveryandlookatusnow.”

“Excuse me,” Oliver spoke. “If I remember correctly, she was the one who went after you in

California.”

“Details. Details, Oliver. The point is she realized how much she loved me. So, here’s the plan,

Drew.Getintouchwithherandtellherthatyougaveitsomeseriousthoughtandfriendsiswhatis

bestforthebothofyou.Maketheagreementonherterms.Womenloveagoodfightandwhenthey

realizewemenaren’tfightingforthemanymore,that’swhenithitsthem.”

“Isthatso?”Olivercockedhishead.

“Well,notinyourcase.Butyouwereprettyfuckedup.”

Again,Iletoutachuckle.

“Listen,Drew,”Oliverspoke.“IfyouloveJillianthatmuch,thenyouhavetogoafterher.”

“No.No.No.”Liamshookhishead.“Thisistotallydifferent.Delilahlovedyouandyoupushed

her away. Jillian knows she loves Drew but is too afraid to admit it because she’s trying to find

herself.She’sscaredthatifsheconfessesherfeelings,she’llbedeterredfromherjourney.”

“Soyou’reashrinknow?”Oliverasked.

“Ishouldbe,right?”Liamwinked.“Anyway,Drew,backtowhatIwassaying.Youneedtocallher

bluff.Befriendsandthen,whenthetimeisright,makeherjealous.Gooutwithsomeoneandmake

sureJillianseesyouwithher.Ifanything,seeingthemanyoucareaboutwithsomeoneelsealways

sparksalittlebitofjealousy.Maybethen,she’llrealizewhatsheletgo.”

“Wereyouawomaninapastlifeorsomething?”Oliveraskedhim.

“Maybe.”Hefrownedasheplacedhishandonhischin.

ItwasgettinglateandIhadtodrivebacktothecity.

“Thanksforthefoodandadvice,guys,butI’mgoingtoheadbacknow.”

AsIwasdrivingbacktothecity,Icouldn’tstopthinkingaboutLiam’sadvice.Itactuallysounded

likeagoodplan.BeingfriendswithJillianwasbetterthanbeingnothingwithheratall.Tomorrow,

I’dtextherandputmyplanintomotion.

****

AfterIreturnedfromameeting,IpulledmyphonefrommypocketandtookinadeepbreathasI

typedJillianatextmessage.Fuckit.Thisneededtobedoneoverthephone,soIcalledher.

“Hello,”sheanswered.

“Hi,it’sDrew.”

“Hi,Drew.”Hervoicewasunsure.

“IjustwantedtotellyouthatI’msorryabouttheothernight.Ididn’tmeantowalkoutlikeIdid

andIwantyoutoknowthatIfullyunderstand.”

“It’sokay.Iunderstandwhyyouleft.”

“Listen,Jillian.We’refriendsandIdon’twantthattoend.”

“Idon’teither,Drew.”

“Good. I also want you to know that I’ll always be here for you if you need someone to talk to,

whetheritbeaboutyourparents,Kristen,oranythingaboutyourself.I’mjustaphonecallaway.”

“Thankyou.Iappreciateit.Ireallydoanditmeansalottometohearyousaythat.”

“You’rewelcome.Ihavetohangupnow.Ihaveameetingtogetto.”

“Okay.We’lltalksoon.Bye,Drew.”

“Bye,Jillian.”

IletoutadeepbreathasIhittheendbuttononmyphone.

ChapterThirty-Seven

Jillian

IsetmyphonedownandlookedatKristen,whowassittingacrossfromme.

“Well?Whatdidhewant?”sheasked.

“Hesaidhewantsustobefriends.”

“Goodman.Isthatwhatyouwant?”

“Yes.Ofcourse.”

“Well, then you can’t sleep with him. Because you can’t have a friends-with-benefits type of

relationship.”

“Iknow.HetoldmetocallhimifIeverneedanything.”

“Ishecomingtothewedding?”Shebitdownonherbottomlip.“BecauseIjustassumedhewas.”

“Idon’tknow.Didyouinvitehim?”

“Ithoughtyoualreadydid.”Shefrowned.

“Weneverreallytalkedaboutit.”

Rollinghereyes,shesighed.“Givemehisnumber.I’llaskhim.Afterall,heistheonewhogotus

thatwonderfulroom.Heshouldbethere.”

“Iagree,”Ispokeandthenrattledoffhisnumbertoher.

Drew calling me and wanting to still be friends meant a lot to me. Maybe someday, once I

discovered who I was, we could be more. But for now, friends were what we had to remain, even

thoughImissedhimlikecrazy.Icouldn’tusehimtofulfillmyownneeds.Itwasn’tfairtohim.Truly

lovingsomeonebeforeyouloveyourselfwasn’tanoption.Noexceptions.

“Hesaidhe’dlovetocome.”Kristengrinned.

Asmallsmilecrossedmylips.“Good.I’mhappyhecanmakeit.”

****

Kristen and my father met later that night. Noah wasn’t thrilled, but he put on a happy face for

Kristenbecausethiswaswhatshewanted.Istoodthereandwatchedmyfathercryashehuggedher

and the two of them sat down on the couch and talked for a few hours. It made me wonder that if

Kristenwasn’tdying,wouldshehavewantedtomeethim.

“IhavetoaskyouaquestionandIdon’twantyoutogetmadatme,”Ispoke.

“What?”

“Ifyouweren’tdying,wouldyouhavewantedtomeetDad?”

“Yes.Istillwouldhavewantedtomeethim.”

“Why?”Iaskedinconfusion.

“Because I’m strong enough to know that people make mistakes. There’s not one person on the

faceofthisEarththathasn’tmadeamistakeortwointheirlife.It’snothealthytoholdgrudgesand

mymotheralwaystaughtmethat.Believeitornot,sheforgavehimalongtimeago.”

“Really?”

“Yes.Iwishyoucouldhavemether.Shewasthemostbeautifulpersonyou’devermeet.Shewas

sofullofwisdomandknowledge.”

“NowonderDadstayedwithherforoverayear.”

“Shetoldmethatshecouldn’thatehimbecausehegaveherthemostpreciousgiftanyonecould

evergivesomeone:me.”

Tearsstartedtofillmyeyes.“Didn’tsheevermeetanyoneelse?”

“Shedatedalot.ButshesaidnoonecouldeverfilltheshoesthatwereDad’s.”

Ireachedoverandplacedmyhandonhersaswebothsatthereandletthetearsfallfreelydown

ourcheeks.

****

Drew

Being invited to Kristen and Noah’s wedding thrilled me because then I would get to see Jillian

again.RememberingwhatLiamhadsaid,IcalledLiaintomyoffice.

“Yes,Drew.”Shesmiledasshewalkedin.

“Haveaseat.There’ssomethingIwouldliketoaskyou.”

“Whatisit?”

“Idon’tknowhowtoaskyouthiswithoutsoundinglikeacompletedick.”

Shelaughed.“Justcomeoutwithit.”

“WouldyouattendaweddingwithmeonSaturdayeveningattheHarmonieClub?”

“IsJilliangoingtobethere?”

Clearingmythroat,Ispoke,“Yes.She’llbethere.”

“Shehasn’tmetmeyet.Soifwewalkintogether,shemaythinkwe’reseeingeachother.”Hereye

narrowedatme.

“Perhaps.”Ifoldedmyhands.“It’sadickmove,Iknow.YoucanthankLiamforthat.”

Shelaughed.“Igetit.Ireallydo.Andyes,Iwillattendtheweddingwithyou.”

“Really?Youdon’tthinkI’manassholefordoingthis?”

“No.Idon’tthinkthatatall.”

“Thanks, Lia. Go buy yourself a new dress on me. Put it on the business account and Liam will

babysitGretchenandGigiforyou.”Ismiled.

“Really? That’s great because my babysitter is out of town this week and won’t be back until

Monday.”

“Consideritdone.”

“Thegirlswillbeexcited.TheylikeLiamandAvery.”

Igaveherasmileasshewalkedoutofmyoffice.Pickingupmyphone,IdialedLiam.

“What’sup,bro?”heanswered.

“Lia is going with me to Jillian’s sister ’s wedding on Saturday night and you’re babysitting

GretchenandGigiforher.”

“Dude,IhaveticketstotheplayoffsforthatnightandAveryisgoingoutwithhergirlfriends.”

“Lookslikeyou’regoingtohavetowatchthegamefromhome.Youridea,man.Youridea.”

Hesighed.“Fine.Ijustdidn’tthinkyou’ddoitsosoon.I’llhaveSophiecomeoversoshecankeep

thegirlsentertainedandIcanwatchthegame.Man,youreallysuckrightnow.”

Iletoutalaugh.“Thanks,Liam.I’lltalktoyousoon.”

****

Jillian

Cupping my hands over my mouth, tears filled my eyes as I stood and stared at my sister in her

weddingdress.

“Stopit.I’mwarningyou.”Kristenpointedatme.

“Youlooksobeautiful.OhmyGod,waituntilNoahseesyou.”

“You’renotgoingtodisappear,areyou?”Shegrinned.

Ilaughed.“No.I’mnotgoinganywhere.”

Thedooropenedandmyfatherwalkedin.Walkingover,hekissedmycheek.“Youlookbeautiful,

Jillian.”

“Thanks,Daddy.”Ismiled.

ReachingoverandtakingholdofKristen’shands,hespokeinalowvoice.

“Areyouready,sweetheart?”

“Yeah,Dad.I’mmorethanready.”

Kristenhadaskedourfatherthenighttheymetifhewoulddothehonorofwalkingherdownthe

aisleonherweddingday.Hewasinshockandittookhimafewsecondsbeforehecouldanswerher.

HeneverleftNewYorkandtoldmymotherthathewastieduponemergencybusinessandthathe’d

beflyingbackhomeonSunday.Sheaskedhimifhehadspenttimewithmeandhewastruthfuland

saidyes.HealsotoldherthathemetKristen.Mymotherwasn’thappyaboutthat.Ifanyoneneededto

goinsearchofthemselves,itwasher.Thingsbetweenthetwoofusstillweren’tsettledandIwasn’t

sureifthey’deverbe.

ThemusicstartedtoplayandItookmyplacetowalkdowntheaislefirst.Glancingattheguestsas

Islowlywalkedtothemusic,IspottedDrewsittingnexttoawoman.PerhapsshewasoneofKristen’s

friends.Yeah.Thatwaswhoshewas;shewasafriendofmysister.Iwasn’tgivingitasecondthought

becausetherewasnowayhe’dbringsomeonetoherwedding.

Tears fell as I watched Kristen and Noah exchange vows, and you could hear the sniffles of the

gueststhroughouttheroom.AshappyasIwasforthem,itbrokemyheart.Oncetheceremonywas

overandtheguestswereleavingtheroomtogouptothereception,IsawDrewandthewomanhe

wassittingnexttogetup,andheplacedhishandonthesmallofherback.Asickfeelingeruptedin

thepitofmystomach.Hedidbringsomeonewithhim.Whatthefuck!

“What’swrong?”Kellanaskedashewalkedovertome.

“Nothing.Why?”

“Youlookreallyupsetallofasudden.”

“Whome?”Ipointedtomyself.“I’mnotupsetatall.Nowcomeon,wehavesomecelebratingto

do.”Ismiled.

“Youcan’tfoolme,Bean.Iknowyoualltoowell.”Hehookedhisarmaroundme.

ChapterThirty-Eight

Jillian

Iwasn’tgoingtogiveitanotherthought.Nope.Notone.ThiswasKristenandNoah’sbigdayand

myfocushadtobeonthem.Whilethetwoofthemwalkedaroundgreetingtheirguests,KellanandI

wentovertothebarforamuch-neededdrink.Justasthebartenderhandedmeaglassofchampagne,I

turnedaroundtoseeDrewandthegirlhebroughtstandinginfrontofme.

“Hi,Jillian.”Hesmiled.

“Hi,Drew.”

“IwouldlikeyoutomeetLia.Lia,thisismyfriend,Jillian.”

“It’ssonicetomeetyou.”Shesmiledassheheldoutherslenderhand.

“Nicetomeetyoutoo,Lia.”Iflashedmyperfectedsmile.

“Nicetofinallymeetyouinperson,Kellan.”Drewgrinnedastheyshookhands.

“Goodtomeetyoutoo.”

“I see your father is here,” Drew spoke as he placed his hand in his pocket and held a glass of

scotchwiththeother.

“Yes.WehadalongtalkandKristenaskedhimtobeheretonight.”

“Good.I’mhappytohearthatyoutwoworkedthingsout.Whataboutyourmother?”

“Nah.She’sbackinSeattle.Ihaven’theardfromher.Whichisokay.”

“Well,we’regoingtoheadbacktoourtable.Talktoyoulater?”

“Yeah.Sure.Enjoythewedding.”Ismiled.

I couldn’t even begin to tell you the feeling that washed over me. It was a mixture of different

emotions.Sadness,anger,surprise,shock,justtonameafew.

“Youcan’tbemadorupset,Bean,”Kellanspoke.“Youdidtellhimthathe’sonlyafriend.”

“Iknowthat,Kel,andI’mnotupset.”

Herolledhiseyes.“Haveyouforgottenthatyoucan’thideanythingfromme?”Hekissedtheside

ofmyhead.

“Hey, sweetheart. What’s going on with you and Drew? I see he’s here with someone,” my dad

asked.

“DrewandIarejustfriends,Daddy.Nothingmore.”

Confusionsetinashelookedatme.“Ithoughtyoutwoweredating.”

Iswallowedhard.“No.We’rejustfriends.”

“Jillian,what’s—”

“Comeon,Dad.Theywanteveryonetositdownfordinner.”

TakingmyseatnexttoKristenatthebridaltable,Icouldn’thelpbutglanceoveratDrewandLia,

takingnoticeofhowthetwoofthemweretalkingandlaughing.Forsomeonewhowantedmorethan

justfriendship,itdidn’ttakehimtoolongtomoveontosomeoneelse.WasIreallysurprised?Nota

bit.LookathowfasthemovedfromJesstome.Fuckingdouchebag.

“IknowthatlookandIknowrightnowyou’reangry,”Kristenspokeinmyear.“Butyoucan’tbe

andyouhavenorighttobe.Youmadeitvery—”

Puttingmyhandup,Iinterruptedher.“Iknow.Imadeitveryclearthatwe’reonlyfriends.”

Afterweate,itwastimeforKristenandNoahtotaketheirfirstdanceashusbandandwife.Kellan

walkedoverandhookedhisarmaroundme.

“Yourdadapologizedtome.”

“Hedid?”

“Yep.YouknowIneverhadanythingagainsthim.ButPatricia.”HeshudderedandIcouldn’thelp

butlaugh.

Aftertheirdanceended,itwasanopenfloorforallthegueststodancethenightaway.Thesong

“All of Me” by John Legend started to play. Kristen and my dad were the first on the dance floor

whileothercouplesfollowedbehind.

“Comeon,Jilly,let’sdance.”Kellansmiledasheledmetothedancefloor.

As we were dancing, I looked over to see Drew and Lia on the dance floor. My heart started to

rapidlybeatandIburiedmyfaceintoKellan’sshoulder.

“It’sokay,”hewhispered.

“I’mnotsureitis.”

Justasthesongended,theDJannouncedtoswitchpartnerswiththecoupledancingnexttousashe

played“StaywithMe”bySamSmith.

“Ohhello,darling.”KellansmiledashetookLia’shand.

Shit.Shit.Shit,IthoughttomyselfasItookinadeepbreathandplacedmyhandinDrew’s.

“We’veneverdancedtogether,”hespoke.

“No.Wehaven’t.”

Hishandwrappedaroundmywaistfeltgoodasdidourhandsthatwerelockedtogether.Hislips

wereinchesfrommyear.Icouldfeelmyselftrembling.

“Ilikethissong,”hewhisperedinmyear.“Idon’twantyoutoleavewillyouholdmyhand,”were

thenextwordswhispered.

ItightenedandIknewhe’dfeltit.

“Relax,Jillian,”hespokeashecontinuedsinginginmyear.“Ohwon’tyoustaywithme,‘cause

you’reallIneed.”

“Iamrelaxed.”

“But,darling,staywithme.”

Onthatnote,thesongendedandIcouldn’tgetawayfromDrewfastenough.

“Thanksforthedance.”HesmiledasheturnedtoLiaandtheybothheadedbacktotheirtable.

Icouldn’tbreathe.SomethingwaswrongandIneededair.Kellansensedit,sohegrabbedmyhand

andledmeoutsideonthebalconyforsomefreshair.

“Ican’tbreathe,Kel.IfeellikeI’mgoingtopassout.”

Hegrippedmyshoulderstight.

“Look at me. Calm down. Take in a slow deep breath. Come on, Jill. You can do it. Slow, deep

breath.”Hestaredintomyeyes.

Suddenly,myheartstartedtocalmitselfandmybreathingreturnedtonormal.

“Goodgirl.”Hegaveasmallsmile.“You,mydarling,justhadapanicattack.”

“It’sjusteverythingthat’sgoingon.”

“Youmeanit’sDrew.Youwerefineuntilyoudancedwithhim.”

Ismackedhimonthechest.“Whythehellwouldyouletmedancewithhim?”

“Ouch.BecauseheandLiawerethecouplestandingnexttousandhe’syourfriend.Justlikeus.

Youdidn’tfreakoutwhenwedanced.”

“Andyoudidn’tsingtomeeither!”

“Oh.”Hislipsformedtheletter.“Hesanginyourear?Howromantic,Jilly.”

“Ugh!He’swithsomeone.Whatanasshole.”

“Didyoueverstoptothinkthatmaybethatwomanhe’swithisjustafriend?”

“No!Youcan’tjustbefriendswithDrewWestbrook.”

“Comehere.”Hewrappedhisarmsaroundmeandpulledmeintohim.“Weneedtogobackinside

beforepeoplecomelookingforus.Youcanfeelsorryforyourselfinthemorning,buttonight,you

needtostaystrongforKristen.”

“You’re right.” I broke our embrace. “And I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I need a drink,” I

spokeasIwalkedbackinside.

AsIheadedovertothebar,Drewfollowedme.

“Areyouokay,Jillian?IsawyouandKellanoutside.”

“Yeah.I’mgreat.Ijustneededsomefreshair.It’salittlewarminhere.”

“Itiswarm.”

“Liaseemsreallynice,”Ispokeasthebartenderhandedmeaglassofwine.

“Sheis.She’sreallysweet.”

Sting.Burn.Stab.

“KristenandNoahareleavingtomorrowforItaly,”Ispokeoutofnowhere.

“Goodforthem.Italyisbeautiful.Iloveitthere.”

“I’veneverbeen.”Isippedmywine.Okay,Igulpeddownmywine.

“Youshouldtrytogettheresomeday.Ithinkyou’dloveitthere.”

“MaybeI’llheadthereonmynextadventure.”

“Letmeknowwhatyouthink,”hespoke.

“Iwill.”

“I think Lia and I are going to head out. Her kids are with the babysitter and she needs to get

home.”

Kids?Washeserious?

“Shehaskids?”

“Yeah.Twobeautifullittlegirls.”

“That’snice.”Igavemyperfectedsmile.

“Haveagoodnight,Jillian.”

Igulped.“Youtoo,Drew.Thanksforcoming.”

“Itwasmypleasure.Oh,andbytheway,thebillisalreadytakencareof.Mygifttothebrideand

groom.”

“Drew,youdidn’thavetodothat.”

“Iknow.Iwantedto.”Hewinkedashewalkedaway.

ChapterThirty-Nine

Drew

AssoonasLiaandIclimbedintotheBentley,Ilookedoverather.

“Ifeellikeatotaldickfordoingthis.”

“Don’t,Drew.ShewasupsetIwastherewithyou.Shekeptstaringatusallnight.”

“Youthink?”

“Iknow.I’mawoman.Icanreadotherwomen.Shewasdefinitelynothappy.”

Isighed.

WepulleduptoLiam’stownhousesoshecouldgetthegirlsandthenRolandwasgoingtodrive

herhome.UponwalkingintoLiam’shouse,thegirlscamerunningandgaveLiaahug.

“Where’sUncleLiam?”Iaskedthem.

“Inthefamilyroom.”Theygiggled.

Walking into the room, I saw Sophie standing in front of Liam with what looked like makeup

brushes.

“What’sgoingoninhere?”Ismiled.

LaughterrippedoutofmewhenLiamturnedaroundandhisfacewasallpaintedwithmakeup.

“Shutup,Drew.”

“Butyoulooksopretty.”

“Haha,veryfunny.LittlesmartypantsSophieoverheremademesignapieceapaperthatIwould

letherputmakeuponmeifsheletmewatchtheplayoffgame.”

Pullingmyphonefrommypocket,Iquicklysnappedhispicture.

“Damnyou,Drew!”heyelled.

“Sorry,bro,orshouldIsaysis?Itwastoogoodofanopportunitytopassup.”Ilaughed.

“HowdiditgowithJill?”

Staringathim,Icouldn’tseemtoholdaconversationwhilehewaswearingallthatmakeup.The

brightredlipstickwasreallybuggingme.

“Youneedtotakethatmakeupoff,dude.Ijustcan’ttalktoyoulikethat.”

Herolledhiseyes.“Soph,gogetthefacewipes.”

“Okay,UncleLiam.”Shegiggled.

SophiereturnedwiththefacewipesandLiamstartedtowipeoffthemakeup.

“Okay.Goon.Iwantdetails.”

“LiasaidshecouldtellJillianwasupset.”

“Okay.That’sgood.”

“Notreally.Ididn’twanttoupsetherandI’msureImademattersworsewhenwedancedtogether

andIsanginherear.”

“Niceone,Drew.”Hesmiled.

“ThenwhydoIfeellikeacompletedick?”

“Listen,bro.Youdidwhatyouhadtodo.Imean,sometimeswehavetohurtthepeoplewelovein

orderforthemtowakeup.Trustme,she’llbebackinyourlifesoon.”

“Andifsheisn’t?”

Hestoppedwipinghisfaceandlookedatmewithconfusion.

“Well,Idon’tknow.ThenmaybeIwaswrongabouther,butIdoubtit.Havealittlefaith.”

“I’mgoingtoheadhome.Thanksagainforwatchingthegirls.AreyoutakingSophiehome?”

“Nah,she’sspendingthenight.Butnomoremakeup!”Hepointedatherandshegiggled.

IchuckledasIheadedtothedoor.

“Goodnight,MissSophie.”

“Goodnight,Mr.Drew.Becarefulwalkinghome.”

“Yeah,trynottotripoveranybushes,”Liamyelled.

Afterstripping out ofmy suit, Iput on my pajamabottoms, poured myselfa drink, and climbed

intobed.Nowwhat?Ithoughttomyself.Seeingherinthatlongstraplessplum-coloreddresswithher

hair pinned up in curls really did me in. The minute she walked down that aisle, I was even more

captivatedthanthefirsttimeIhadeverlaideyesonher.IneverknewthatIneededstability.Imean,I

did have some stability in my life with my company, but I needed more in my life. A woman who

would stand by my side that I could hold and take care of. That was what I never realized I needed

untilImetJillian.ShewasallthestabilityIneeded.

****

Jillian

Myachingfuckinghead.Shit.Idrankwaytoomuchlastnight.Thestrugglewasrealtryingtoget

outbed.WhenIfinallymanagedit,Istumbledintothekitchen,whereIfoundKellanleaningoverthe

counter,drinkinghiscoffee.

“Morning,MissHangover.”Hesmiled.

“Shutup,”Igrowled.

“Beniceoryouwon’tgetanycoffee.”Hepouredsomeintoacupandhandedittome.

“Ugh.Whydidyouletmedrinksomuch?”Ilaidmyheaddownonthecounter.

“Ifyourecall,Itriedtostopyou,butyouweren’thearingit.”

“Whattimedoesyourflightleave?”

“Inaboutfourhours.Sosoberup.”

“Idon’twantyoutoleave.”IpoutedasIlookedupathim.

“Idon’twanttogoeither.Imissyou,Bean.MaybeI’llmovehere.Icangetajobanywhere.”

“Don’ttoywithme,Kel.”

“Seriously,Jill.I’mbeingserious.I’moverSeattle.”

“Whataboutyourparents?”

Hesmiled.“Whataboutyours?”

“Goodpoint.”

“I’msurethere’sacompanyonWallStreetthatwouldhiremewithmyfinancialbackground.I’m

goingtostartlookingassoonasIgetbacktoSeattle.”

“Iwouldloveforyoutomovehere.”Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhim.

“Youstinklikealcohol.Gotakeashower.”Hekissedthetopofmyhead.

As the hot water streamed down me, the first thing that came to my mind was Drew. I vaguely

rememberedhavingadreamabouthimlastnight.WewereinHawaiionthebeachandthesunhad

justset.Isankdownontheshowerfloorandbroughtmykneesup,huggingthemtightasthewater

beatdownonme.Iwasfightingwithmyself.FightingtodetachmyselffromthemanIwasinlove

with.Butthefightinmewasquicklyleaving,andthestrengthIthoughtIhad,wasn’tthereanymore.

AllIkeptpicturinginmyheadwashimandLiaandwonderingiftheyhadsexaftersheputherkids

tobed.Thethoughtofhimwithanotherwomanmademesick.Iblewit.He’dmovedonbecauseIwas

tooselfishandonlythoughtofmyself.He’dgivenuponme.JustlikeIhadgivenuponmyselfall

thoseyearsago.

Aftermanagingtofinishmyshower,Igotdressed,andKellanandIheadedtotheairport.

“Callmeassoonasyouland.”Ihuggedhimgoodbye.

“Iwill,Bean.Domeafavor.”

“What?”

“Hurryupandfindyourselfsoyoucanbehappy.IhatetosaythisbecauseyouknowhowmuchI

loveyou,butIthinkthiswholeself-journeythingisdestroyingyou.You’reabeautiful,intelligent,

andindependentwoman,andit’sokaytofallinlovewithsomeone.Whenwe’dtalkwhileDrewwas

around,youwerethehappiestI’deverseenyou.Idon’twanttositbackandwatchyouwalkonthe

pathofdestructionagain.Beenthere,donethat,andIwon’tletyoudoitagain.Youcanfindoutwho

youareandlovingsomeoneisn’tgoingtochangethat.”

“Don’tyouhaveaplanetocatch?”Iwipedthetearthatformedinmyeye.

Hekissedmyforehead.“Iloveyou.Makesomegooddecisions.”Hewinked.

“Iloveyoutoo.Don’tforgettocallme.”

“Whowouldeverforgettocallyou?”Hesmiled.

ChapterForty

Drew

IneededtocomecleanaboutLiatoJillian.WhythefuckdidIlistentoLiam?AsIpulledoutmy

phone,atextmessagefromhercamethrough.

“Hey.Canwetalk?”

“Ofcourse.When?”

“Inaboutanhour.Ihavetosaygoodbyetomydadfirst.”

“Whereat?”

“Myplace?”

“I’llseeyouinanhour.”

Seeinghertextmademesmile,yetIwasnervousastowhatshewantedtotalkabout.Maybeitwas

aboutus,ormaybeitwasaboutLia.Eitherway,IwastellingherthetruthandIhopedshedidn’thate

meforit.

****

Jillian

“There’ssomethingIwanttotalktoyouabout,”mydadspokeasItookaseatonthecouchinhis

suite.

“Whatisit?”

“Idon’twanttomakeyourlifemorecomplicatedthanitalreadyis,butIfeelyouhavetherightto

know.”

“Okay.”

“WhenIgetbacktoSeattle,I’mtellingyourmotherthatI’mfilingfordivorce.”

Iwasn’tshockedintheleast.Infact,Ifelttheyshouldhavedivorcedyearsago.Kidsneverwantto

seetheirparentsgetdivorced,butinmycase,Isortofwelcomedit.

“Iunderstand,Dad.”

“IlostthewomanwhoIbelievedwastheloveofmylifetwenty-fouryearsagoandI’mnotabout

toliveinalovelessunhappymarriageanymore.Ifthere’sonethingyoutaughtme,Jill,it’sthatyou

don’thavetosettleforanythinginlife.”Heplacedhishandonmycheek.

“What about everything you worked so hard for? Mom will try to take you for everything you

have.”

“Iknow,butshewon’tgeteverything.”Hegaveasmallsmile.“That’snotforyoutoworryabout.

I’llbefine.”

“AndwhataboutKristen?Whathappenedallthoseyearsagowillgetout.”

“AndI’llbetheonetellingit.Listen,Ihavetogonow,sweetheart.”Webothgotupfromthecouch

andIwrappedmyarmsaroundhim,hugginghimtight.“IlikeDrew,Jill.Ithinkhe’sagoodmanand

Iknowhelovesyou.Don’tdowhatIdidallthoseyearsago.Don’tbeafraidandjustletlifeleadyou

intherightdirection.ItledyoutoDrewforareason.IloveyouandIjustwantyoutobehappy.”

“Iknow,Dad.Iloveyoutoo.”

“Goodbye,sweetgirl.”Hekissedmyforehead.“Stayintouchwithyouroldman.”

“Iwill.”

Igavehimonelasthugbeforeheclimbedintothelimoanddroveoff.Hailingacabbacktomy

apartment,Inervouslypacedaroundtheroom,waitingforDrewtoarrive.Whatifhedidn’twantme

anymore? After all, he did bring another woman to my sister ’s wedding. The minute I heard the

knock on the door, my heart started racing and the nervousness that I felt was at an all-time high. I

stoodthereforamomentwithmyhandonthedoorknobandtookinadeepbreath.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”Drewsmiledashesteppedinside.“Youwantedtotalk?”

“Yeah.”Ibegantopacearoundthelivingroom.

“Doyouwanttositdown?”heasked.

“No.Yousit.I’mjustgoingtopacearound.TherearesomethingsIneedtosaytoyou.”

“Okay.”Hetookaseatonthecouch.

Takinginadeeplongbreath,Ihelditforamomentbeforelettingitout.

“Iwanttoapologizetoyouforbeingabitch.”

“Youaren’tabitch,Jillian.Don’teversaythat.”

Turningaround,Iheldupmyfinger.“Yes.Yes,Iam.Iledyouon.Madeyouthinkthattherewas

somethingmorebetweenusthanjustfriends.Iletyouhavesexwithme,multipletimes.Wedidthings

togetherthatcouplesdoandthenwhenyoumentionedtheword‘us,’Ifreakedout.Andyouwantto

know why I freaked out? Because as much as I wanted to be alone and be on my own with no

distractions,Iliked‘us.’Ilikedhavingsexwithyoumultipletimesaday.Ilikedgoingshoppingfor

dishes.IlikedgoingouttoeatwithyouandIlikedwakinguptoyoueverymorning.Ilikedhowyou

heldmeatnightandmademefeelsafe,andIlikedhowyouunderstoodmeandwantedtotakecareof

me.”

“Ilikedallthattoo,”hespoke.

“No.No.Don’tspeakyetuntilI’mfinished.”

Asmallsmilecrossedhislips.

“Iwaslost,solostinaworldwhereIdidn’texactlyknowwhereIbelonged.Iwasstrugglingto

findmyselfandmyplaceinthisworld.AndthenImetyou,andsuddenly,Ididn’tfeellostanymore.

Which,bytheway,scaredmebecauseitwasn’tsupposedtohappenthatway.Whenyouleftthatnight,

IfeltlostagainandIhatedthefactthatIneededyousomuchinmylifeandnotjustasafriend.Now

you’vemetsomeoneelseand,tobehonest,I’mhavingahardtimehandlingit.There,Isaidit.”

“CanIspeaknow?”

Takinginadeepbreath,Ispoke,“Yes.”

Gettingupfromthecouch,hewalkedovertomeandplacedatightgriponmyhips.

“Lia is my secretary. She’s not someone I’m interested in. I only brought her to the wedding to

makeyoujealousandIdeeplyapologizeforthat.IknowI’madickandIhopeyoucanforgiveme.”

“So,she’snotsomeoneyou’redating?”

“No, Jill.” He smiled. “She’s my secretary and a damn good one. I’m not interested in dating

anyoneelse.You’retheonlywomaninthisworldIwant.Youhadmeinthepalmofyourhandthe

minuteyousatdownnexttomeonthatplane.Ican’texplainit.IwishIcould,butIcan’t.Ihavenever

felt this way about anyone before. I am so in love with you, Jillian Bell, that sometimes it hurts.

You’reallIthinkabouteverysecondofeverydayandyou’reallIdreamaboutatnight.Iloveyou,

youcrazygirl,andIdon’twanttostopyoufromfindingyourself,butI’llbethereforyoueverystep

oftheway.Ipromise.”

Tears rolled down my cheeks as our eyes stayed locked on each other ’s and he took his thumbs

andgentlywipedthemaway.

“You’rebeautifulwhenyoucry.”Hesmiled.

“WhenIstartedmyjourney,nothingwasgettinginmyway;therewerenoexceptions.Exceptyou

becametheexceptionbecauseIcouldn’thelpbutfallinlovewithyou.”

“Doyouknowhowhappythatmakesmetohearyousaythat?”Tearsfilledhiseyes.“Iloveyou,

Jillian.”

“Iloveyoutoo,Drew,andifyou’llhaveme,Iwouldliketheretobeanus.”

“That’sallIeverwanted,baby.”Hislipsbrushedagainstmine.

****

“Goodlord!”IexclaimedasDrewrolledoffme.

HechuckledashesatupagainsttheheadboardandIsnuggledintohim.

“Satisfied?”heasked.

“Very.”Imoanedasmylipspressedagainsthischest.“You?”

“Verysatisfied.”Hekissedthetopofmyhead.

Hisfingerssoftlyranthemselvesupanddownmyarmasheheldme.

“Mydadisdivorcingmymom,”Ispoke.

“I’msorry,baby.”

“Don’tbe.It’sforthebest.”Isatupandranmythumbacrosshislip.“I’mhungry.”

“Wanttogrababitetoeatsomewhere?”

“Yeah.”IsmiledasIkissedhislips.“Andthenwecanhavedessertatyourhouse.”

ChapterForty-One

Drew

After grabbing some dinner, we headed to my townhouse. As I was helping Jillian from the car,

LiamandOliverhadjuststeppedouthisfrontdoor.

“Hellothere,neighbor!”Liamshoutedashewaved.

Herewego.

“Hey,Liam.Oliver.”Iwavedback.

“Hello,Jillian.”Liamsmiled.

“Hi,Liam.”Shewaved.

TheywalkedovertousandLiamintroducedJilliantoOliver.

“Thisismybrother,OliverWyatt.”

“Nicetomeetyou,Oliver.”Shesmiledastheyshookhands.

“Nicetomeetyouaswell,Jillian.”

“Why don’t you go in the house and put these leftovers in the refrigerator. I’ll be in shortly,” I

spoke.

JillianwentintothehouseandIpreparedmyselfforLiam.

Placinghishandsinhispocket,hespoke,“So,what’sgoingon?”

“Okay.Okay.”Iputupmyhand.“Itseemsyourlittleplanworked.Weareofficiallyacouplenow.”

Igrinned.

“Congratulations.”Oliverplacedhishandonmyshoulder.

“Thanks.”

“Yep.Toldyouitwouldwork.IthinkImaystartmyownbusiness,”Liamspoke.

“Andwhatbusinesswouldthatbe?”Oliveraskedasherolledhiseyes.

“Acompanythathelpsamanorawomangetthepersonoftheirdreams.”

“You’reanidiot.”Oliversmackedhimupsidethehead.

“Why?Somethinglike,uh,what’sitcalled,awingmanservice.Icouldbethewingmanandhelp

peopleoutinthelovedepartment.”Hegrinnedbrightly.

IlaughedandOliverstoodthereshakinghishead.“LikeIsaid,you’reanidiot.”

“Yousaythatnow,butyouwon’tbewhenIstartrakinginthemillions,dearbrother.”

Oliversighed.“Youalreadyrakeinthemillions.Comeon,we’regoingtobelate.Congrats,Drew.

I’mhappyforyou,man.”

“Yeah.Congratulations,bro.Thesixofusneedtododinner.Callme!”Hepointedatmeasthey

headedtothecar.

“Iwill,andthanksagain.”

Liamheldhisarmsout.“That’swhatawingmandoes,bro.”

Chuckling,IwalkedintothehouseandfoundJillianinthekitchen,pouringusaglassofwine.

“I’vebeenthinking,”shespoke.“I’mgoingtotakethebarexam.”

“Really?Ithoughtyoudidn’twanttobealawyer?”IaskedasIwrappedmyarmsaroundherwaist.

“Iworkedmyassoffincollegeandlawschoolanditwouldbewasteatleastnottotaketheexam.”

“Ithinkit’sagoodidea.I’lltellyouwhat,youcancomeworkformeasmycompanylawyerif

youwantto.I’dhireyouonthespot.”

“Don’tyouhavealawyeralready?”

I shrugged. “A firm. But they can easily be replaced by someone as sexy as you.” I smiled as I

kissedherlips.

“We’dhavetoworktogethereveryday.We’dseeeachotherallthetime.Don’tyouthinkwe’dget

sickofeachother?”

“Icouldnevergetsickofhavingyoubymysidealldaylong.”

A smile graced her beautiful face. “Good, because I could never get sick of you either. There’s

somethingelseIneedtodo.”

“What’sthat,baby?”

“IneedtogoseeGrantandmymom.It’spartofmyjourney.Forclosurepurposes.”

“Doyouwantmetocomewithyou?”

“Yes.Ifyouwouldn’tmind.”

“Iwouldbehappytogowithyou.”

“Thankyou.Iloveyou.”

“AndIloveyou.Nowaboutthatdessertyoupromisedme.”Igrinnedasmyhandtraveledupher

shortskirt.

“Wherewouldyouliketoeatit,Mr.Westbrook?”Thecornersofhermouthcurvedupwards.

“Iwasthinkingrighthereinthekitchen.”Iliftedheruponthecounter.

“Thekitchenistheperfectplacefordessert.”Ourlipsmetwithpassion.

****

Jillian

As Drew and I stepped off the plane, I thought I’d feel nervous, but I wasn’t. Which was weird.

WhenIturnedonmyphone,amessagefromKellancamethrough.

“DouchebagisatBarLouieandhe’sherewithsomechick.I’msittingatthebartryingnottogag.”

“Thanks.Didheseeyou?”

“Yeah.Whenhewasonhiswaytothebathroom.Hejustgavemeadirtylook.Idiot.”

“We’reonourway.”

“Yousureyouwanttodothis,Bean?”

“I’msure.Seeyousoon.”

“He’satBarLouiewithsomegirl,”IspokeasIheldDrew’shand.

“Don’tyouthinkyoushouldwaitandtalktohimathishouse?”

“Andriskseeinghisparents?Um.Nothanks.Apublicplaceisbetter.”

WhenwereachedBarLouie,ItookinadeepbreathasIwalkedthroughthedoorandsawKellan

sittingatthebar.Walkingover,Igavehimabighug.

“Sowhereishe?”Iasked.

“Well,he’swalkingovertousaswespeak.Shit.Areyousureaboutthis?”

“Lookwhodecidedtopopbackintotown,”Grantspokeasheapproachedme.

Iswallowedhard.“Hello,Grant.”

Drewtookaseatonthestoolandorderedascotch.

“‘Hello,Grant’?Isthatallyouhavetosay?”

“No.Ihavealottosay.Sohowaboutwegoovertothattableandtalk?”

“Nah.Ihavenothingtosaytoyou,Jillian.Doyouevenrealizetheembarrassmentyoucausedme

andmyfamily?”Hegrabbedholdofmyarm.

“Isuggestyouletgoofherrightnow,”Drewspokeinanger.

“Andyouare?”Grantcockedhishead.

“Thepersonwho’sgoingtoscarupthatprettylittlefaceofyoursifyoudon’tremoveyourhand

fromher.”

“I’dliketoseeyoutryit,bigman.”

DrewstoodupfromhisstoolandIsteppedinbetweenhimandGrant.

“Stopit.Ididn’tcomeheretoargue.Icametotalktoyou.Toputclosureonus.”

Grantletoutaloudlaugh.“Us?Thereneverwasanyus,Jill.Iwasmarryingyououtofobligation.

DoyouknowhowmanywomenIfuckedbehindyourbackovertheyears?”

Ididn’tthinkhecouldhurtme,buthedid,andIneededtogetoveritrealquick.

“DidyouhonestlybelieveIlovedyou?Theonlythingyouweregoodforwasasocialstatus.”

Anangerrippedthroughmeandmybreathingbecamerapid.Icouldn’tcontrolmyselfasIballed

myhandintoafistandpunchedhim,sendinghimdowntotheground.Ikneeleddownandgrabbed

holdofhisfuckingpoloshirtIhatedsomuch.

“DoyouknowhowlongI’vebeenwantingtodothat,youlittlefuckwad?”

“OhmyGod!”Thegirlhewaswithcamerunningover.

“Get out of here or you’re next!” I yelled at her. Looking back at Grant, who was lying there

holdinghisjaw,Ispoke,“NowI’veembarrassedyoutwice.Icameheretohaveacivilconversation

toputclosureonwhathappened,butno,youhadtogorunyoursmartmouthlikeyoualwaysdo.The

bestthingIeverdidwasleaveyourdumbassatthealtar,andnowI’vesaidmypeace.Haveanice

life, Grant.” I let go of his shirt and stood up. “Come on, Drew. Come on, Kellan. Let’s get out of

here.”Iturnedonmyheelsandwalkedoutthedoor.

“Shit,Jill.Ididn’tknowyouhadthatinyou,”Kellanspokeashecaughtupwithme.

“Areyouokay?”Drewaskedwithconcern.

“I’veneverfeltbetter.”Ismiled.

ChapterForty-Two

Jillian

OneYearLater

I could hear the soft music play as the guests started to gather inside and took their seats in the

luxuriouschairsthatwerebeautifullydecoratedwithwhitesatinbowsandwhiteroses.AsIstaredat

myselfinthefull-lengthmirror,Irecognizedthegirlstaringbackatme.HernamewasJillianBell,

soontobeMrs.JillianWestbrook.ThiswasmyweddingdayandIcouldn’thavebeenhappier.

Somuchhadhappenedinthepastyear.KellanmovedtoNewYorkandgotajobonWallStreet

makingtwiceasmuchashewasbackinSeattle.Itookmybarexamandpassedwithflyingcolors,

landing me a job at Westbrook Technology. Kristen passed away six months ago. It was a difficult

timeforallofus,butshemadeuspromisethatwewouldonlygrieveforashorttimeandmoveon

withourlivesandlivelifetothefullest.ShemadeNoahpromisethathe’dfindsomeonetoloveas

much as he loved her. As heartbroken as I was not to have my sister standing by my side at my

wedding,Iknewshewaswatchingoverme.MydadvisitedNewYorkfrequentlyandhimandKristen

becamecloseasafatheranddaughtershouldbe.Itriedtoreconnectwithmymother,buttherewas

onlysomucheffortIcouldputin.Wetalkedoccasionallyandsherefusedtocometomywedding,

but that was her problem, not mine. I forgave her, though, because I wasn’t going to let her cast a

shadowovermylifeanymore.

Anervousnessroseupinsidemeasathoughtcrossedmymind.RunningtothedoorofthesuiteI

wasin,Iopenedit.

“Jill,whereareyougoing?”Kellanasked.

“I’llberightback,”IsaidasIflewoutintothehallway.

IstoppedwhenIsawDrewstandingthere,staringatme.Ibitdownonmybottomlipasasmile

crossedmyface.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Iasked.

“Iwascomingtomakesureyouweren’tgoingtobailonme,”hespokewithasmile.“Whatare

youdoing?”

“Iwasjustcomingtomakesureyouweren’tgoingtobailonme.”

HewalkedovertowhereIwasstandingandgrabbedmyhands,holdingthemtight.

“MyGod,youaresobeautiful.”

“Soareyou.”

“I’llseeyouattheendoftheaisle.”Hebroughtmyhanduptohislips.

“I’llseeyouthere.”

Drew and I were married under an opulent canopy in the Grand Ballroom of the Plaza Hotel,

followingabeautifulreceptionthatconsistedofoverfourhundredguests.Itwastimetotakeourfirst

danceas husband andwife to EdSheeran’s song “Thinking OutLoud.” Placing myhand in his, we

walkedoutontothedancefloor.

“Doyouknowhowhappyyou’vemademe?”Drewasked.

“Ihopeashappyasyou’vemademe.”

Myheartmeltedasheleanedhislipsclosetomyearandbegansingingtome.

“And,darling,Iwillbelovingyoutillwe’reseventy.And,baby,myheartcouldstillfallashardat

twenty-three.”

“You’remakingmecry.”Ilookedupathimwithatearinmyeye.

“Oh,baby,wefoundloverightwhereweare.”Hesmiled.

Afterthereceptionwascomingclosetoanend,DrewandIheadedtotheyachtherentedforusfor

atwo-weekhoneymoon.Ahoneymoonthatconsistedoftheopenwaterandjustthetwoofus.

“Ican’twaittogetyououtofthisdressandmakelovetoyouallnightlong,Mrs.Westbrook,”he

spokeashecarriedmeontotheyacht.

“Thiswillbethefirsttimewehavesexasamarriedcouple.Doyouthinkyoucanhandleit?Imay

getalittlerough.”Ismirked.

“I can handle it just fine. The question is will you be able to handle it?” he spoke as he laid me

downonthebed.

“Iguesswe’llfindout.Yourperformancehastotopalltheothersoverthepastyear.Areyouupto

thechallenge?”Ismiled.

“Oh, I can promise you that my performance will outdo anything you’ve ever experienced.” He

growledashismouthsmashedintomine.“Iloveyou,Jillian.”

“AndIloveyou,Drew.”

AboutTheAuthor

SandiLynnisaNewYorkTimes,USATodayandWallStreetJournalbestsellingauthorwho

spendsallofherdayswriting.Shepublishedherfirstnovel,ForeverBlack,inFebruary2013and
hasn’tstoppedwritingsince.Heraddictionsareshopping,goingtothegym,romancenovels,coffee,
chocolate,margaritas,andgivingreadersanescapetoanotherworld.

Pleasecomeconnectwithherat:

www.facebook.com/Sandi.Lynn.Author

www.twitter.com/SandilynnWriter

www.authorsandilynn.com

www.pinterest.com/sandilynnWriter

www.instagram.com/sandilynnauthor

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6089757.Sandi_Lynn

Document Outline

Books by Sandi Lynn
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
About The Author

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