3/299
ForDorice--theEvertomyRiley!
TableofContents

TitlePage
Epigraph
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15

16
17

6/299

18
19
20
21
22
alsobyalysonnoel
CominginWinter2012-Riley's
adventurescontinueinWhisper
acknowledgments
QuestionsfortheAuthor
CopyrightPage

SoulCatcher[sl]catch*er[[kachr,kechr]nOnewhocatchesthelostsoulsthathauntthe

earthplanebycoaxingandconvincingthemtocrossthebridgetotheHere&Now.

Thereisnothingtofearbutfearitself.
--franklind.roosevelt

1

ThesecondIlaideyesonAuroramy
shouldersslumped,myfaceunsquinched,
andIheavedadeepsighofreliefknowingI
hadanally,afriendonmyside.
Iwassureitwouldallbeokay.
Itwasinthewayherhairshimmeredand
shone--transformingfromyellowtobrown
toblacktoredbeforestartingthesequence
alloveragain.
Herskindidthesame,convertingfromthe
palestwhitetothedarkestebony,andevery
possiblehueinbetween.
Andhergown,hergorgeousyellowgown,
sparkledandgleamedandswishedather
feetlikeacrushoffallenstars.
EventhoughInolongermistookherfor
anangellikeIdidthefirsttimeIsawher,
still,thewholeglisteningsightcalmedmein
amajorway.
10/299
But,asitturnsout,I'dmisreadthewhole
thing.
AssoonasItookonelookatheraura--as
soonasInotedthewayitsusualbright,poppingpurplehaddimmedtoamuchdullerviolet--well,

that'swhenIknewwewereon

oppositesides.

ItwasjustlikeBodhihadsaid:Ihada
heckuvalottoexplain.MylastSoulCatch
hadn'texactlybeenassigned.
Istaredatmyfeet,headhangingin
shame,scragglyblondhairhanginglimply
beforemeasIforcedmyselftoshufflebehindhim.Usingthoselastremainingmomentstoruna

franticsearchthroughmy

best,mostplausibleexcuses--mentallyre—
hearsingmystoryagainandagainlikeapan—
ickyactoronopeningnight.
EventhoughI'donlybeendoingmyjobas
aSoulCatcherwhenIcoaxedandconvinced
awholelotofghoststocrossthebridgeto
wheretheybelonged,therewasnodenying
11/299
thefactthatI'dbeentoldtolooktheother
way--tomindmyownbusiness.Tonotget
involvedbystickingmysemi-stubbynosein
placeswhereitmostcertainlydidn'tbelong.
ButdidIlisten?
Uh,notexactly.
InsteadIchargedfullspeedaheadintoa
wholeheapoftrouble.
IfollowedBodhitothestage,hisbackso
stiffandhishandssoclenchedIwasgladI
couldn'tseehisface.Though,ifIhadto
guess,I'dbewillingtobetthathismouth,
freeofthestrawheusuallychompedwhen
theCouncilwasn'taround,waspinchedinto
athin,grimline,whilehisgreeneyes,heavilyshadowedbyhisinsanelythickfringeof
lashes,weresparkingandflaringashe
thoughtofwaystoridhimselfofmeonce
andforall.
Ipeeredundermybangs,watchingasAuroratookherplacenexttoClaude,whosat
nexttoSamson,whowasrightbesideCelia,
12/299
whowassotinyandpetiteshewasableto
shareanarmrestwithRoycewithouteither
oneofthemhavingtocompromiseorfight
forequalspace.Andseeingthemallas—
sembledlikethat,waitingtohearjusthowI
mightgoaboutexplainingmyself,well,that's
whenIrememberedthemostimportant
evidenceofall.
Theoneundeniablethingthatrequiredno
verbalexplanation,asitwasrightthere
smackdabinthefrontandcenter,visiblefor

alltosee.
Ihadmyglowon.
Actually,scratchthat.Itwasn'tjustmy
usualglow.Itwasfarmoreimpressivethan
that.
AsarewardforallI'daccomplishedmy
glowhadsignificantlydeepened.Goingfrom
whatstartedoutasabarelythere,palegreen
shimmerstraightintoa...well...asomewhatdeepergreenshimmer.
13/299
Okay,maybethechangewasn'tallthat
drastic,butthethingis,whatitlackedin
dramaitmadeupforinsubstance.
Let'sjustsaythatitcouldn'tbemissed.
Afterall,I'dseenit.
Bodhihadseenit.
EvenButtercuphadlookedrightatme
andbarkedafewtimesashewaggedhistail
andspunaround.
AllofwhichItookasaprettygoodsign
thattheCouncilwouldseeittoo--fromwhat
Iknewofthem,theydidn'tmissathing.
Irelaxed,pushedmyhairoffmyface,and
thought:Howbadcanitbewhenmyglowis
soclearlymintygreen?
ButthenIrememberedwhatBodhihad
saidaboutconsequencesandactions--about
theCouncil'sabilitytogiveandtakeatwill.
Insistingthatbecauseofmyfailuretofollow
orders,itwasreallyquitepossiblethatbythetimeweweredone,neitherofuswouldeverglow

again.

14/299
KnowingIhadtoactfast,dowhateverit
tooktogetthemtoseemysideofthings,I
chargedstraightahead.
Ihadnotimefortrouble.Notimeto
waste.

Just

moments

before
I'd

learned
somethingextraordinary--hadheardabout
somemysteriousdimensionwhereallthe
dreamstakeplace--andIwasdeterminedto
findit.
Besides,IwasprettysureBodhicouldn't
betrusted.Thefactthathefoundmeabur—
denwasn'tasecret.
Whenitcamerightdowntoit,itwasevery
man,er,makethatghost,forhimself.SoIsqueezedhimrightoutandtookcenterstage.
Hegaspedinastonishment.Triedtopush
meaway.Buthewastoolate,andIwastoo
fast,andbeforehecoulddoanythingmore,I
wasalreadystandingsmackdabinfrontof
theCouncil,pushingasideanylingeringfear.
15/299
Fearwasforsissies.OfthatIwassure.
Itwastimeformetotellthemmysideof
things.
Mystory.Myway.
AndIwasjustabouttobegin,whenInoticedthewayAurora'sauragrewdimmer,as
therestoftheCouncil'sfollowedsuit.Darkeninginawaythatmademymouthgrowso
dry,andmythroatgosolumpy,thewords
jammedinmythroat.
Istoodshaking.Mute.Watchingas
Bodhi--myguide--theonepersonwhosejob
itwastohelpme--shookhisheadand
smirked.Leavingnodoubtinmymindjust
howmuchhe'denjoywatchingmeburn.

2

ThenextthingIknew,Bodhihadleaped
rightbeforeme,andsaid,"Hi!"
Chasingitwithadazzlingsmile--onethat
showcasedhisdimplesandmadehiseyes
gleam.Andasifthatweren'tenough,hethen
shiftedinawaythatshamelesslyalloweda
chunkofwavybrownhairtofallintothose
eyesandtanglewithhisextrathick
lashes--justsohecouldsweephisbangsoff
hisfaceandsmileagain.
ItwasaHollywoodmove.
Slick.
Superficial.
Spurious(thankyou,word-a-daycalendar!)intheveryworstway.
Thekindofmovethateithermakesyour
heartflutter,ormakesyougoblech.AndseeingBodhidoit,well,itjustmademefeelweird.
17/299

Butwhenthemovedidn'twinhimthereactionhe'dhoped,whenthemembersofthe
Councildidn'tswoonalloverthemselves,he
shiftedgears,clearedhisvoice,andlooking
directlyatthem,utteredaveryserious—
sounding"Hello."
Tobehonest,Iwasalittleembarrassedby
thedoublegreeting,butbeforeIcoulddo
anythingtostophimhesaid,"Asyouknow,
Riley,Buttercup,andIranintoalittle
troublerecently,and..."
Herambled.
Ohboy,didheramble.
Herambledinawaythatwasnothingbut
abunchofbippidyblahblahtomyears.
Rambledinawaythatmademyheadgo
alldizzyandsqueezy.
Rambledinawaythatwasn'ttheleastbit
effective--oratleastnotwheretheCouncil
wasconcerned.AndIknewIhadtostophim
beforeitgotanyworse.Sothesecondhe
18/299
paused,Ijumpedintosay,"Ithinkwhat
Bodhimeansis--"
Heswungtowardme,glaringinawaythat
washalfrage,halfhorrifieddisbelief.Butitwasn'tenoughtostopme.Notevenclose.
ButbeforeIcouldevengetstarted,Royce,
withthedarkwavyhair,smoothdarkskin,
andglintinggreeneyesthatamountedtothe
kindofbreath-stealinggoodlooksusuallyreservedformoviescreens,said,"That's
enough,Riley."
Ifroze--tooafraidtolookatBodhi--too
afraidtolookatanyone--thosethreesimple
wordsstoppingmecold.NotonceinmyridiculouslybrieftwelveyearsoflifehadI
heardthatphraseusedforanythingother
thantostopmefromsometypeofbehavior
anadultfoundextremelyannoying.
Anawkwardpausefollowed,brokenby
Celia,whostoodbesideRoyce,herusual
cornflowerblueglowonceagainbeamingat
fullforcewhenshesaid,"Thereisnoneedto
19/299
continue.Noneedtomakeexcusesorexplain.Wehaveseeneverything."
Inodded.Gulped.ItwasallIcoulddo.
MyeyeslockingonSamson'sdeepviolet
onesashishandsclaspedeithersideofhis
seat."Youactedonyourown.Youactedwillfully,wildly,youignoredBodhi'sinstruc—
tions,andputyourselvesingreatdanger."

Herosetohisfeetandstoodrigidbeforeme.
"Inthefutureweaskthatyouconsultwithus
firstbeforeyougooffonyourown.Nomatterwhereyoufindyourselfontheearth
plane,youmustneverforgetthatwearebut
onetelepathicmessageaway."
Heshotmeasternlook,Bodhitoo,the
twoofusfrozen,unsurewhattodo,when
Aurorasaid,"Thereisnoneedtofearus.We
areheretoofferguidance,support,andassistanceifyoufindthatyouneedit.And
whileIknowyouareeagertoadvance,you
musttrustthateachandeveryassignment
hasbeencarefullyselectedtomatchyour
20/299
levelofprogress."Hergazelockedonmine,
makingsureIunderstood,beforeshewent
ontoadd,"Thatsaid,youhavestillmanaged
tosucceedwheremanyotherSoulCatchers
havefailed.Congratulations."
Bodhisoftened,asawhistleofairIdidn't
evenknowI'dbeenholdingescapedfrommy
lips.AndwhenIglanceddownatButtercup,
Iwatchedasheraisedhisrumphighandlet
looseinaflurryofwiggles--anoverdoseof
cuteness.Ifoundmyselfwishinghe'dstop.
Therewasnoneedtooverdoit.Notwhen
I'djustbeenacknowledged--no,scratch
that--notwhenI'djustbeencongratulated
byAurora,whoIwasprettysurewasthe
Council'squeenbee.
I'dputmyselfindanger.I'dtakengreat
risks.I'ddonetheexactoppositeofwhat
Bodhihadordered--andlookwhereitgot
me:
GlowingbeforetheCouncil.
Graciouslyacceptinggreatpraise.
21/299
Congratulations!
Thewordspunthroughmyhead.
Iwasn'tintrouble.Allwasokay.Actually,
itwasbetterthanokay.Onceagain,I'dsucceededwhereothershadfailed.
Iknewit.
TheCouncilknewit.
Andmyglowprovedit.
ItwasBodhiwhoneededtheattitudeadjustment.Me--Iwasatthetopofmygame.
Ireveledinmysuccess,relivingthepraise
overandoveragain.
Mythoughtsinterruptedbythemelodic

liltofAurora'svoicewhensheadded,"Itis
obviousthatyouareinneedofgreaterchallengesinthefuture,sowewilldoourbesttoprovidethem

foryou."

Inodded,arrangingmyfaceintotheperfectexpressionofhumility,savingthevictorydanceforlater.
MyattentionwassoonstolenbyClaude,
whoselong,slimfingersfiddledwiththe
22/299
scragglybeardthatstoppedjustshyofhis
waist,ashesaid,"Andso,inlightofallthatyouhaveaccomplished,weagreethatyoutwoarein

needofabreak."

IglancedatBodhi,takingasidelongpeek
atthebrand-spanking-newsneakersIwas
surehe'dmanifestedjustforthismeeting,
thedarkdenimjeansthatpooledaroundhis
anklesinthatcool-guyway,hisslouchyblue
sweaterthatskimmedhisleanform,making
mywayuptohisridiculouslycuteface,
which,justthesightofitalone,causedmy
throattogoalllumpyandhotasanunexpectedwaveofnostalgiaforallthatwe'dshared
threatenedtoswallowmewhole.
AsmuchasI'dlongedforanewguide
(prettymuchsincethemomentBodhiandI
met),justwhenIwasabouttogetone,well,IcouldhardlybelieveourdaysofSoulCatchingtogether

werecomingtosuchaquickend.Afterthismeeting,wemightneversee

eachotheragain.
23/299
Forsomestrangereason,thethought
didn'tsparkthekindofjoyIwould'veexpected.Ifanything,itdidjusttheopposite.It
mademefeelalltwistyandturvyandalittle
bitempty.
But,asitturnsout,Iwaswrong.
Deadwrong.
TheCouncilhadotherideas.
"TakeabreakfromSoulCatching,"Aurora
said,noddinginawaythatmadeherhair
danceandswirl."Takesometimetorelax
andenjoyyourselves."
Myfacesquinched,unsurehowtotake
that.
Imean,hadn'tIjustbeencongratulated?
Anddidn'tthatsortofpraisemeanIcould
skipafewgradesandmoveontothekindof
big,scaryghoststheexperiencedSoulCatchersdealtwith?
ItwasCeliawhosetmestraight."While
weareallquitedelightedwithyourperform—
ance,Riley,andwhileit'sclearthatwe'll
24/299

needtofindgreaterchallengesforyou,we
thinkyoucouldusesometimeoff."Hertiny
handsflutteredatherwaistlikeahumming—
birdbeforeafeeder."Andonceyou'resuffi—
cientlyrefreshed,we'llhappilysendyouand
Bodhionyournextassignment.Wearedelightedwiththewayyoutwoworktogether.
Clearlyyoubringoutthebestineachother."
Igaped.AndI'mtalkin'thebug-eyed,jaw—
to-the-kneeskindofgaped.Imean,seriously?Bringoutthebestineachother?Wasshekidding?

HadanyofthemactuallyreviewedthefootageofBodhiandmeattempt-ingtoworktogether?

Allwedidwasfight!
Andargue.
Andwillfullyopposeeachotherevery
chancethatwegot.Theonlytimesweever
pitchedin,rolledupoursleeves,andputour
vastandvarieddifferencesasidewasafter
thingsweresofargonewehadnoother
choicebuttorelyoneachother.
25/299
Butapparentlythatwasn'tall.Oh,no,they
werealongwayfromdone,becauserightas
Iwasstillreelingfromthat,Roycepipedin
andsaid,"Whilewetakesometimeinchoosingyournextassignment,youandBodhi,
andyes,evenyou,Buttercup--"Royce'seyes
sparkledwhenButtercup,uponhearinghis
name,lickedhischopsandwiggledhisrump
onceagain."--youshouldallenjoyyourtime
off.Spendsometimewithfamily.Visitwith
friends.Theimportantthingisforyoutorestupandrecharge.Don'tworry,we'llfindyouwhenit's

timeforyournextassignment.But

fornow,youarereleased."
Released.
Freed.
Undeniablydismissed.
Andyet,eventhoughI'dheardeveryword,
allIcoulddowasjuststandthereandgawk,
watchingasBodhiandButtercupshotacross
thestageandmadeamaddashforthedoor.

Suddenly

paralyzed

by

the

horrible
26/299
realizationthat,unlikeme,theyhadother,
betterplacestobe.
TheCouncilhadvanished--justpoofandtheyweregone.Andknowingitwaslame(nottomention

pathetic)tokeepstanding

therelongaftereveryoneelsehadvacated,I
hungmyheadlowandretracedBodhi'sand
Buttercup'ssteps.
Thedismaltruthofmyexistenceblooming
beforeme:WhileImayhaveexcelledatSoul
Catching,Iwasatotalfailurewhenitcame
tohavinganafterlife.
MysociallifewasevendeaderthanI.
Ihadnofriends.Nohobbies.Noplaceto
gootherthanmyownroom.
Andwhileit'struethatmyparentsand
grandparentswereHere,it'salsotruethat
theywerebusywiththeirownafterlives.
TheHere&Nowwasnothinglikethe
earthplane.Ididn'tneedanyonetopaymy
bills,preparemymeals,signpermission
slips,drivemearound,orjustgenerallylook
27/299
aftermeinashelter-food-and-moneykindof
way.EverythingIcouldpossiblywant,and/
orneed,couldbehadsimplybywishing
it--whichmeantthatotherthandroppingby
tocheckinandsayhi,myfamilywasno
longerresponsibleforme.
They'dmovedon.
Andthepathetictruthwas,fromwhatI'd
seen,mygrandparentswerewaymorepopularthanI.
Islammedthroughthedoorandhurled
myselfoutside,determinedtodowhateverit
tooktogetmyselfanafterlife.

3

ThefirstthingIsawwhenIpushedthroughthedoorwasthatBodhiandButtercuphadwaitedforme.
Bodhileanedagainsttheironstairrail,a
dentedgreenstrawwedgedbetweenhisback
teeth,whileButtercupsatathisfeet,tongue
lollingoutthesideofhismouth.
Irantowardthem,droppedtomyknees,
andhunchedmyshoulders'tilIwasnoseto
nosewithmydog.Givinghimagood,long
scratchbetweentheears,andsmilingwhen
heclosedhiseyesandsunkhisheadlow,

feelingjustascontentedashe.Soimmersed
inthemoment,soovercomewiththethrillof
themwaiting,thatallofmyearliersadness
meltedaway.
WhileitwastruethatIdidn'thavemuch
ofanafterlife,atleastIwouldn'thavetogoitalone.
29/299
Iclearedmythroat,knowingIshouldsay
somethingnice.Nothingtoomushy,I'dneverbeencomfortablewiththatsortofthing,
butstill,Iwantedtoshowthefullextentof
mygratitude.LetthemknowhowhappyI
wastofindthemboththere.
Mylipsparting,justabouttospeak,when
IsawthewayBodhi'skneejiggled--theway
histhumbstappedhardandfastagainstthe
rail--andIknewI'dmisjudgedthewhole
thing.
Bodhihadnointerestinhangingwithme.
Hewasstillinguidemode.Waitingwasan
actofduty.
Perhapsevenpity.
HewasjustmakingsureIhadsomewhere
tobe--thatIwouldn'tmakeanymore
trouble--sohecouldheadoffonhismuch—

anticipated

vacation

with

no

further
thoughtsofme.
Iwastheverylastitemonhisto-dolist.
30/299
Aterriblerealizationthatmadeallthenice
wordsdierightonmytongue.Whilethe
wordsthatspranguptoreplacethemwere
anythingbut.
"So,"Isaid,stillpettingButtercupasmy
gazefixedhardonBodhi."TheCouncil
seemedprettydanghappywithallofmyaccomplishments.Betthatcameasabigshock
toyou,huh?"Ipaused,waitedforhimto
reply,hopinghe'dvolleyrightbackwith
somethingsarcasticsoIcouldreturnitwith
somethingevenworse.
Iwaslookingforafight.Therewasnogettingaroundit.MostlybecauseIwouldnot,
couldnot,standforhimtopityme.Thatjust
wouldn'tdo.
Bodhisquinted,staredatmeforagood
longbit.Andwhenhedidfinallyspeak,his
voicewassocasualyou'dthinkhe'dmisunderstoodthetoneofmywords."Whydoyou
saythat?"heasked,thegreenstrawsliding
acrosshisfrontteeth.
31/299
"Um,maybebecausetheycongratulated
me?"Isaid,stealingamomenttotackonanice,dramaticeyerolltogowithit.Myenergygrowingso

heated,soriledupandangry,itwasn'tlongbeforeButtercup

whinedandscootedawayfromme.
ButifBodhiwasfazed,hesuredidn'tshow
it.Insteadhejustlaughed.Well,itwasactuallymoreofacrossbetweenalaugh,ahuff,
andagrunt,butanyway,hejustmadea
sound,tuckedthestrawinthesideofhis
mouth,andsaid,"No,whatImeantwas,
whydidyousaythatbitaboutmynotbeing
happyforyouraccomplishments?"
"Uh,becauseyou'renot?"Imadeaface,
frowningevenmoreasIwatchedButtercup
scoochclosertoBodhiandfartherfromme.
Bodhishrugged,gazedallaround,ashis
kneepickedupthetempo,jigglingsofastit
practicallyblurred.
Andthat'swhenIgotit.
That'swhenIcompletelyunderstood.
32/299
ItwasworsethanI'dthought.
Bodhihadn'tbeenwaitingforme.This
hadnothingtodowithme.He'dbeenwaitingforsomeoneelsetocatchupwithhim.

Iswear,ifI'dstillbeenalive,thatwould'vebeentheexactmomentwhenmycheekswould'veburned

sobrightIwould'vehadno

choicebuttorunandhide.But,asitwas,I
stayedput,lookingathimwhenIsaid,
"Surelyyourememberwhatyousaidjustbeforewecamehere?Thatbecauseofme,becauseofmy

insistenceondisobeyingyour

rules--'wemayneverglowagain.'Yousaid
thattheCouncilcan'giveandtakeatwill.'
Yousaidallofthat,andyet,checkitout--I
stillgotmyglowon!"
Ithrustmyarmtowardhim,hopinghe'd
takeagoodlook.Butitwasnouse.Hisattentionwasclaimed.Hewasalreadymoving
away.
Iwatchedasheranahandoverhishair
andhisclothes.Tryingtoappearjaunty,self—
33/299
assured,totallyandcompletelyincontrol,
butIknewhimwellenoughtoknowbetter.
Hewasmakingacolossalefforttohideamajorcaseofnerves.
Thoughit'snotlikeshenoticed.
Oh,no.Shewastoobusyswingingher
long,shinyblackbraids.Toobusyadjusting
hersweaterandstraighteninghershort,
pleatedskirt.Toobusysmiling,andwaving,
andlookingreallycute.
AndeventhoughIshould'veknown,even
thoughIshould'veguessedbythewayshe
shoutedandcatcalledtheloudestatthat
weirdgraduationceremonyIattendedwhen
IfirstgotHere,IhadnoideathatthegirlI'dmentallyreferredtoascheerleadergirl(mostlybecause

ofthecheerleadingoutfit

shealwayswears)--Ihadnoideathatshe
andBodhiwerefriends.
IguessIwashopingsheandIcouldbe
friends.
34/299
Butnowitwasclearthatwasnotmeantto
be.
AndjustwhenIthoughtIcouldn'tfeelany
lower,IwatchedButtercupracetowardthem
liketheworstkindoftraitor.
Ishovedtwofingersintomymouthand
whistledforhimtoreturn.
Andwhenhedidn't,whenhecompletely
ignoredme,Iwhistledagain.
Andwhenhestilldidn'treturn,Imanifestedahandfulofhisveryfavoritedoggybiscuitsasabribe--

prayingitwouldwork,and

feelingridiculouslyrelievedwhenitdid.
Heslumpedtowardme,snatchedthebiscuitsrightoffmypalm,thenturnedawayto
eatthem,asthoughIcouldn'tbetrusted.As
thoughImightchangemymindandtryto
yankthemrightback,eventhoughI'dnever
donesobefore.
Ikneltbyhisside,watchingBodhiand
cheerleadergirltalk,andlaugh,anduseany
excusetheycouldthinkoftotapeachother
35/299
ontheshoulder,thearm,thehand.Ascene
thatremindedmeofthetimesIusedtospy
onmybigsister,Ever,andherboyfriend.
TellingmyselfIwasmerelystudyingfor
whenitwouldbemyturntobeateen--thatI
wasn'tinvadingherprivacy--remembering
howtheyactedtheverysameway.
AndifIthoughtmyinsidesfeltbadbefore,
watchingBodhiandcheerleadergirlflirt
witheachother,well,itleftmefeelingall
hollowandweird.
SureIcouldmanifestthesameshiny,pink
lipglossthatmadeherlipsgleam.
SureIcouldbraidmyhairwiththesame
kindofglisteningbeadsthatchimedlike
bellseverytimesheflickedherheadfrom
sidetoside.
Heck,Icouldevenmanifestmyown
cheerleadingoutfit--allIhadtodowasenvisionitanditwasasgoodasmine.Easy-peasy.
36/299
ButIcouldneverfillthesweaterlikeshe
did.
Iwouldneverlookasgoodintheskirt.
Iwouldneverlookanythinglikeher.
Shewasgorgeous,exotic,andwhenshe
woreabrashemanagedtofillit.
Unlikeme,shewasateen.
Shewasasoppositeoflanky-haired,semi-stubby-nosed,blue-eyed,flat-chestedmeas
youcouldget.
AndtherewasnothingIcoulddoaboutit.
Iwasstuck.
Eternallystuck.
Or,atleast,that'swhatIthoughtuntilI
rememberedwhatBodhihadrecentlysaid:
"Youhavenoideahowitworks,doyou?"His
eyeshadlockedonmine."Nooneisever
stuckanywhere,Riley.Seriously,whatkindofaplacedoyouthinktheHere&Nowis?"

I'dgaped.Atfirstunabletoutterthe
words,thoughitwasn'tlongbeforeI'dsaid,
37/299
"Youmean,Ican...Ican,maybe...actually
...turnthirteensomeday?"
I'dpressedmylipstogether,sureitwas
toogoodtobetrue.ItwasallI'dever
wanted.AllI'deverdreamed.Andfromthe
momentIdiedintheaccident,I'dbeensure
thepossibilityhaddiedalongwithme.
ButBodhijustquirkedhisbrowand
shruggedinavague,noncommittalkindof
way."There'renolimitsthatI'maware
of--prettymuchanythingispossible,"he'd
said,refusingtogiveanydetails,keepingthestatementpurposelyhazy,andyet,he'dsaiditallthe

same.Andatthatmoment,watchingthegloriouscheerleadergirlstandingbeforeme,well,Iclungto
thosewordslikea

drowningmantoaliferaft.
Bodhihookedhisthumboverhisshoulder
andjabbedittowardme,causingcheerleadergirltocupherhandsaroundeithersideof
hermouthandcall,"Goodonyou,Riley
Bloom!Iseeyougotyourglowon!"
38/299
Oh,great.Talkaboutbadtoworse.Notonlydidshehavetogoandremindmeofjusthowniceshe

was,butupuntilshe'd

spokenI'dforgottenallaboutheraccent.
Itwascrisp,andproper,andtotally
British.
Shewasprettymuchascoolastheycame.
Iwasreadytoleave.Readytocutmy
lossesandvamanosmyselfrightoutofthatplacebeforemyhumiliationcouldgetanyworse,when

Bodhistrodetowardmeand

said,"Listen,Riley,JasmineandIaretaking
off."
Myeyeswidened.Jasmine?HernamewasJasmine?Ishookmyheadandsighed.Butofcourseshe'd

getacool,girlynamewhileIgotstuckwithoneusuallyreservedjustforboys.

"Youokay?"Bodhi'seyesflashedwitha
combinationofimpatienceandconcern,and
tobehonest,Ijustcouldn'ttakeitanymore.
Ilookedaway,myvoiceawfulandgrumpy
whenIsaid,"Whywouldn'tIbe?"Words
39/299
thatsurelyfailedtomakemelookanymore
matureinhiseyes.Hislipswentflat,hisfacegrewgrim,andwhenheglancedoverhisshoulderat

Jasminewithanimpatientgaze,

Icouldn'thelpbutadd,"Sowhydon'tyou
justgoalready?Imean,sheesh,it'snotlikeIneedyoutobabysitme!"

Hisgazenarrowingsomuchhiseyesbecamemereslashesofgreen."So,whereyou
headed?"heasked,butnotbecausehewas
interested.Butbecauseasmyguide,he
prettymuchhadnochoicebuttokeeptabs.
Ifrowned,thinkingIshouldtellhimthat
it'snoneofhisbusiness--thatIwasunderno
obligationtocheckinwithhimeverysecond
oftheday.ButinsteadIfoundmyselfsaying,
"I'mgoingtocheckouttheplacewhereall
thedreamsarecreated."Decidingthenand
thereitwasasgoodadestinationasany.
Heswunghisheadtowardme,hisfaceall
outragedandscrewywhenhesaid,"What
didyousay?"
40/299
Ishrugged,pickedatthehemofmysweater,tookmysweettimetoanswer."You
know,theplacewhereallthedreamsarecreated?Ithoughtitsoundedcool,soIfigured
I'dcheckitout.Why?Haveyoubeen?"
Hegroaned.Mashedhislipssohardthey
turnedwhiteattheedges.Thenafterglancingoverhisshoulderyetagain,flashing
Jasminethejustaminutesignal,heturnedbacktomeandsaid,"Listen,Riley,youcan'tgothere.It's

off-limits."

Iwastemptedtoscoff.Temptedtoremind
himthatwewereonabreak,whichmeant
that,forthetimebeinganyway,hewasno
longerthebossofme.ButsinceallIknew
abouttheplacewaswhatlittleI'dlearned
fromthetwooldguyswhofirstmentionedit
backintheViewingRoom,Idecidedto
quashmyfirstinstinctandplayitanother
way.
41/299
"Why?"Iasked,eyeswideningintheway
thatalwaysworkedonmydadbutrarely,if
ever,onmymom.
"It'sforbidden.Seriously.It'sbeenoutlawedfor..."Hepinchedhisbrow,lookedall
aroundasifheexpectedtofindtheanswer
writtensomewhere."Well,let'sjustsayit's
outlawed.Butleaveittoyoutotrytofindit."
Heshookhishead,slidahanddeepintohis
scalpwhereheclutchedafistfulofhair,and
sighedinfrustration."Just--juststayaway,
okay?Justthisonce,just,please,takemy
wordforit,anddoasIsay.Canyoudothat?
Canyoubehaveyourselflongenoughforme
toenjoymyhard-earnedbreak?"
Iscrewedmymouthtotheside,deciding

tomakehimwaitformyreply.Enjoyingthe
factthathewasnolongercheckingonJasmine--Ifinallyhadhisfull,undivided
attention.
Butitdidn'ttakelongbeforehiskneestartedtojiggle,andthistime,hisfingersjoined42/299
in.Twitchingandfidgetingastheyjumped
fromhishairtohissweatertohisbeltloop
andback,eagertoberidofme--eagerto
moveontothekindsofthingsolderkidsdid.
SoIlethim.
IgavehimexactlywhathewantedwhenI
lookedathimandsaid,"Noworries.ForgetI
everasked."
Heshotmeaskepticallook.
"Seriously."Inodded."Imean,atfirstI
thoughtitmightbekindofcool,buthey,if
it'sbeenoutlawedandall,well..."Ipaused,
takingamomenttorearrangemyexpression
inawaythatIhopedlookedmorehonest."I
don'twanttocauseanymoretrouble.Not
aftergettingbigkudosfromtheCouncil,so
..."Ispunonmyheel,hopingforaspeedy
exit,butitwasn'tlongbeforeIrealizedButtercuphad,onceagain,chosenBodhiover
me.Forcingmetostoplongenoughtomanifestanotherhandfulofdogbiscuitsjustto
gethimtofollow.
43/299
"Riley--thisisforreal,right?You'renot
justsayingthat,youmeantwhatyousaid?"
Bodhi'svoicedriftedbehindme.
ButIjuststormedstraightahead,waving
myhandindismissal.Wantinghimtothink
Iwasinabighurry.
WantinghimtothinkIhadsomewherefar
moreexcitingtobe.

4

Asitturnedout,Ididn'tgototheplacewhereallthedreamsarecreated.Andnotjustbecauseofwhat

Bodhihadsaid.

Imean,yeah,I'dheardhimloudandclear.
Theplacewasoutlawed.Forbidden.Orat
leastitwasaccordingtohim.Butbesidesthe
factthatitwouldn'tdomeanygoodtogo
lookingfortrouble,themainreasonIdidn't
gowasbecauseIhadnoideawheretofindit.
Noideawheretoevenbegin.
SoIwenthomeinstead.FiguringI'djust
hangthereuntilIcameupwithamuchbetterplan.Nottheleastbitsurprisedtofind
thehouseempty.Iprettymuchexpecteditto
be.

Thehousewasn'tthereformyparentsor
grandparents--thehousewasmanifestedfor
me.
45/299
MyfamilyhadbeenintheHere&Nowfor
awhile.Mygrandparentshavingarrivedway
backwhenIwasstillababy,whilemyparentscamestraightoverfromthesceneofthe
accident.
I'mtheonewholingered.
I'mtheonewhocouldn'tstandtoleavemy
oldlifebehind.
Still,fromthemomentIcrossedthe
bridgeandendedupHere,theywereall
waitingtogreetme.Eagertoshowme
around,showmetheropes,andoneofthe
firstthingstheydidwasbringmetoanexact
replicaofouroldhouse--thinkingI'dbe
comfortedbysomethingfamiliar.
Forawhileitworked.Ifeltcomfortedfor
sure.
Ilovedthewaymydad'soldleatherchair
satsmackinthemiddleofthedenjustlikeitdidinouroriginalhousebackinOregon.Ilovedtheway

Ever'sandmyinitialswere

stillcarvedintoitsarm(eventhoughwegot
46/299
insomeserioustroublefordoingthat).I
lovedthewayButtercup'sleashhungonthe
wall,andhowourmud-coveredrainboots
wereallpiledupagainstthebackdoor.I
evenlovedthewayEver'soldroomstayed
exactlythesame,allowingmetovisitfrom
timetotimeandgazeatherthings.Pretendingthat,forthemomentanyway,shewasn't
sofaraway.
ButmostlyIlovedmyroom.
Ilovedthewaythewallswerelitteredwith
theexactsamepostersI'dhadbackwhenI
wasalive.
Ilovedthewaymydresserwascrammed
fullofthesamekindofsocks,andunder—
wear,andcuteT-shirtsIoncewore.
AndwhileIhadn'tbeenHereallthatlong,
andwhilethey'dgonetoagreatdealofefforttomakeitlooklivedin,Iwasprettydangsurethey

hadn'tspentanyrealtimethere

beforeIcamealong.
47/299
Iwasprettydangsuretheyhadtheirown
homes.

Imean,onceyouunderstandhowitall
works--onceyouunderstandthatyoucan
havethekindofhouseyoualwaysdreamed
ofmerelybywishingit--well,mostpeople
wouldn'tdreamofsettlingforwhatthey
couldaffordbackontheearthplane.
Mostpeoplesetthemselvesupinplaces
farmoreexcitingthanthat.
Eventhoughmyentirestreetwasmadeto
lookexactlylikemyoldstreetbackhome,all
youhadtodowaswalkafewblocksand
you'dfindyourselfamongbigstonecastles,
sprawlingbungalowsthatseemedtogoon
forever,andall-glass,oceanfrontplacesas
bigasresorts.
IguessmostpeopleadaptbetterthanI
have.
Iguessmostpeopledreambigger--dream
beyondwhatusedtobe.
48/299
ButbackwhenIfirstarrived,Icouldn't
seeitlikethat.Icouldn'timagineanything
betterthanwhatI'dhadinthepast.
Thoughclearlythingswerebeginningto
change,andtherewasnodoubtIwaschangingtoo.SoIdidsomethingI'dneverdone
before--Iploppedontomybedandlookedat
myroomwithacriticaleye--tryingtoseeit
asthoughitwastheveryfirsttime.
Tryingtoseeitthroughtheeyesofcheerleadergirl,Bodhi,orsomeotherteen.
Andthebadnewswas--itlookedchildish.
Maybeeven--babyish.
Lackinginsophisticationandstyle,for
sure.
Imean,yeah,Istilllikedthesamepop
starsandcelebritieswhosepictureswere
tapedtomywalls.Heck,Istilllikedmybed—
spreadandthebigpileofshiny,fuzzypillowsthathoggedsomuchspacetheythreatenedtospillonto

thefloor.Ievenlikedmostof

myfurnituretoo.
49/299
Butthatwasn'tthepoint.
Thepointwasthatmyroom,nomatter
howmuchIstilllikedit,belongedtothe
twelve-year-oldversionofme--nottheteenIwasdeterminedtobe.
Itwaslikeluggingyourbabyblanketalong
onyourfirstdayofschool--itwastimeto
tossouttheoldandmoveonwiththenew.

Igazedallaround,wonderingwheretobegin.Then,inafitofinspiration,Isquinchedmyeyesshut,

andwhenIopenedthemagain,Ifoundmyselfsprawledinthemiddle

ofahugecanopybedwithpurplevelvet
drapesthatswoopeddownfromeitherside,
andabiggoldcrownperchedhighatthe
top--justliketheoneI'donceseenonTV.
Buttercupstoodinthedoorway,hisdisapprovingnosepitchedhighintotheair,refusingtosteponto

theleopardprintcarpet,and

whininginawaythattuggedatmyheart.
KnowingIshouldtrytocomeupwith
somekindofcompromise,somethingwe
50/299
couldbothenjoy,Ishutmyeyesagain,and
thistimewhenIopenedthem,thewallswere
lightpurple,thefloorsweredarkwood,and
I'dswappedthebig,flashycanopyforamore
normal-sizedbedwithagreensatin
headboard.
Aftermanifestingaturquoise-colored
couchthatsatalongthefarwall,azebra—
printrugthatlayrightbeforeit,acrystal
chandelierthathungoverhead,anda
mirroreddressingtablewithawhitevelvet
stooltogowithit,itwastimeforthefun
part--theaccessories!SoIbusiedmyself
withpillows,sheets,anaquaduvetwoven
withbitsofsilverthreads,andsomecool
modernartthathungonthewalls.
"So?"IturnedtoButtercup,smilingashe
putonetentativepawinfrontoftheother,
finallyshowinghisapprovalinhiswilling—
nesstomakehimselfathomebysniffing
everycorner.
51/299
ThenIgazeddownatmyclothes,seeingI
wasstillwearingthesamejeans,balletflats,andT-shirtI'dhadonsinceI'dreturnedfromtheearth

plane.Anoutfitthatjusta

shortwhilebeforeseemedsupercute,but
notanymore.SoIclosedmyeyesand
changedthattoo--swappingthejeansfor
skinnycargos,theballetflatsforankleboots,andtheT-shirtforasparklytanktopandshrunkenblack

blazer.AndIwasjustabout

tomanifestanew,fullyloadediPodwitha
zebracoverjustliketherug,whenthefront
doorswungopenandmyparentsboth
called,"Riley?Buttercup?Youhome?"
Isprangtomyfeet.Readytomakeamad

dashforthedoor.Eagertoseethem--tosee
howthey'dreacttothemakeover--untilI
caughtaglimpseofmyselfinthemirrorand
stoppedshort.
Thechangesweren'tasgreatasI'd
thought.
Theydidn'treallygopastthesurface.
52/299
Theclothesjustsortofhungthere.And
thebootsmademylegslookbonyand
ridiculous.
Replacingtheoldstuffwithnewlymanifestedstuffwastheeasypart.
ThekindofrealchangeIlongedforlay
justoutsideofmyreach.
SoeventhoughIwashappytosee
them--no,scratchthat,overjoyedwouldbetterdescribeit--insteadofgreetingthemwiththegianthug

thatI'dplanned,Itookamomenttoswapthenewclothesbacktothe

old,thenIstoodbymycouch,armsfolded
beforemeasIsaid,"Youdon'thavetokeep
doingthis,youknow."
Mydadstoppedinthedoorway,tooka
momenttosurveytheroombeforehelooked
atmeandsaid,"Dowhat?"Hesmiled,
reachedtowardmynose--analmostexact,
albeitsmaller,replicaofhis.Justaboutto
tweakitinthewaythatalwaysmademe
53/299
laugh--butrightbeforehecould,Islipped
outofhisgrasp.
"Youdon'thavetokeepcheckinginonme
likethis!Youdon'thavetopretendthatyou
actuallyliveherewhenIalreadyknowthatyoudon't.I'mnotababy!"Icried,sounding,well,pretty

babyish--eventomyears.

Mymomstoodbehindhim,tuckingalock
ofblondhairthatwasnearlythesamecolor
asminebackbehindherear.Herpalebrow
risinginawaythattookallofmyeffortto
notgiveintomyfeelings,tonotletloosewiththetearsandbarrelstraightintoherarms.
"Baby?Whocalledyouababy?"mydad
asked,slippinghishandsintohisfrontpocketsandshootingmeaseriouslook.
ThenbeforeIcouldanswer,asifonthe
worstkindofcue,mygrandparentsappeared.Mygrandmatookonelookatme
andcooed,"Aw,nowthere'smybabygirl!"
Iscowled.
Like,seriously,scowled.
54/299
Imean,yeah,Iwashappytoseethem.

Yeah,I'dmissedthemwhileIwasoutusher—
ingallthoselostsoulsacrossthebridge.
Heck,I'devenfoundmyselfmentallyre—
hearsingthestoriesI'dplannedtosharewith
themlater.AndIfullyadmitthatdeepdown
inside,Ievenappreciatedthefactthatthey
caredenoughaboutmetogothroughthe
charadeofpretendingtheylivedthere.
Problemwas,Iknewbetter.
Iknewtheyhadother,betterplacestobe.
I'dseenthefootage.Watchedthewhole
thingbackwhenIwasforcedtogothrough
mycompletelyhumiliatinglifereviewwhenI
firstarrivedHere.
I'dseenmydadjammingwithagroupof
musicians--rockin'outtohisfavoriteold
tunes.
I'dseenmymominapaint-splattered
smock--creatingamasterpiecethatbackon
theearthplanewould'vebeengoodenough
foranymuseumwall.
55/299
I'dseenmygrandmothercaringforthe
tinybabiesthatdepartedtheearthplanetoo
early.
I'dseenmygrandfather,who'dalways
seemedsooldandseriousinallofhispho—
tos,whoopingandholleringashesurfeda
fifty-footwave.
Theywereallenjoyingtheirsoulwork--or
atleastthat'showtheCouncilexplainedit.
EveryonehadajobtodoHere,andasmuch
asIwasbeginningtoenjoymine,itwasalso
becominguncomfortablyclearthatitwasall
thatIhad.
IfIwasn'toutcatchinglostsouls,Ihadno
ideawhattodowithmyself.
Mygrandmothersprangtowardme,
ruffledmyhairinthatwaythatshehad.
Wastingnotimeinleavingapink-colored
lipstickstainrightsmackonmycheek.
Andwhenshestartedtogoonaboutmy
beingher"babygirl"yetagain,mydadwas
quicktojumpinandsay,"Riley'snobaby.
56/299
Hasn'tbeenforaverylongtimenow,right,
kiddo?"

Um,yeah.
Whatever.
I'dgonefrombabytokiddoinjustahandfulofseconds.AndwhileIguessitwasprogress,itreally

wasn'tthekindofprogressIwasafter.

AllIwanted,allIever,trulywanted,was
tobethirteen.That's.It.
AndtheonlywayIcouldthinktoachieve
thatwastoexcelatmyjob.Tocatchsomany
waywardghoststhatI'dendupglowingso
brighttheCouncilwouldhavenochoicebut
tobumpupmyage--alongwiththephysical
changesthatgoalongwithit.
AndwhileIwasn'texactlysurethatthis
washowitworked,itreallydidseemto
makethemostsense.
Bodhihadtoldmethereweremanylevels
tothisplace.Thatmypalegreenglowclearly
57/299
markedmeasamemberofthelevel1.5
team.
Healsosaidthateachnewcolorgotyouto
anewlevel,andthateachnewlevelwasbetterthantheonethatwentbefore.IfIkeptupthegood

work,heassuredmeI'dbetranscendingthatlevelandcolorinnotime.

AndtherewasnodoubtIwastranscending.SincemytimeintheCaribbean,myglow
hadgrownevendeeper.
Butnow,thankstotheCouncil,Ihadno
immediateghoststocrossover.
Nowaytoglowmyselfintobeinga
teenager.
Thisforcedvacationwasholdingmeback.
"Youknow,Ithinkyou'reright!"my
grandmasaid,exchangingaquicklookwith
mydad--onethey'dconvincedthemselves
thatI'dmissed."Riley'snobabyatall!And
wouldyoulookatthatglow!"
Shewasplacatingme.Therewasnogettingaroundit.Butshealsolovedme,wanted
58/299
thebestforme.Therewasnogettingaround
thateither.
SoIfolded.Heavedabig,loudsighand
sankrightdownontomyturquoise-colored
couch,whereIleanedbackagainstthecush—
ionsandclutchedapurplesatinpillowflat
againstmy(completelyflat)chest.Watching
asmymom,mydad,mygrandpa,and

grandmabusiedthemselveswithadmiring
allthechangesI'dmadeinmyroom.
Theyexaminedthecolorofthewalls,
testedthebounceandfirmnessofmybed,
rantheirhandsovermysilkheadboard,my
dressingtable,thesilverpictureframesthat
punctuatedthewalls--allthewhileexclaiminghowgrown-upandsophisticatedit
looked.Correctlyassumingthosewerethe
buzzwords,theywerequicktorepeatthem
againandagain.
Iwatchedtheminaction.Watchedwitha
big,solidlumplodgedrightinmythroat.
Andwhenmygrandmasatbesidemeand
59/299
placedherhandonmyknee,whenmy
grandpasatcross-leggedonthefloorwith
Buttercuprightathisfeet,whenmymom
anddadbothperchedontheedgeofmy
bed--Icontinuedtowatch.Takinginthe
varyingshadesofpaleskin,blondhair,and
blueeyestheyallshared,andrealizingitwaslikelookingatold,andreallyoldversionsofmyself.
Wewerefamily.
Alive,dead,itdidn'tmaketheleastbitof
difference.Whereverwemightgofromhere,
whereverwemightendup,therewasno
doubtwe'dalwaysholdtracesofeachother.
IwasneverasaloneasI'dthought.
Theylookedatme,eyesexpectant,my
grandpatakingtheleadandspeakingforall
ofthemwhenhesaid,"So,telluswhere
you'vebeen,already!Tellushowyougot
thatglowofyours!"
AndbecauseIlovedthem--becauseIknew
theylovedme--Idid.

5

Mygrandpataughtmetosurf.Mymom
helpedmetopaintasomewhatdecentlandscape.Mygrandmashowedmehowto
swaddleanewborninitsblanket,whilemy
dadshowedgreatpatiencewhenheletme
singleadinhisband.AndasmuchfunasI
had,afterawhile,therewasnodoubtitwas
timetomoveon.
Whilenoneofthemactuallysaidasmuch,
itwasclearIcouldn'tcarryonlikethat
forever.Itwastimetostrikeoutonmyown.
BuildsomekindoflifeoutsideofSoulCatchingandfamily.Maybeevenmakeafew
friends.

SoIsetouttodojustthat,withButtercup
righttherebesideme.Mydirectionclear,my
intentionspure,everythinglookingsobright
andupbeat,sofullofpromise--oratleast
61/299
that'showIfeltrightupuntilthemomentI
sawthem.
EventhoughIhaveahistoryofspyingon
everyonefrommysister,Ever,backwhenI
wasalive--toA-listcelebritiesafterIwas
dead--totheformerteachers,neighbors,and
friendsIsometimescheckedinonfromthe
ViewingRoom--onthatparticularday,spyingwasthefurthestthingfrommymind.
Onthatparticularday,Iwasreallyand
trulyjustmindingmyownbusinessas
thoughallthoughtsofBodhiandJasmine
hadbeenerasedfrommybrain.
ButthesecondIstumbleduponthem--the
secondIsawthewaytheyactedwhenthey
thoughtnoonewaslooking--well,even
thoughIknewIshould'vemovedon,Ifound
thatInolongercould.
Mylegswentallclumsyandheavy.My
limbsfrozeinplace.AndallIcoulddowas
juststandthereandgape,knowingIshould
gobeforeoneofthemsawme.
62/299
Onlytheydidn'tseeme.
Theyweretoobusylookingateachother.
Bodhisprawledacrossthegrass,hisback
proppedagainstathicktreetrunk,hislegs
thrustoutbeforehim,whileJasminecurled
upbesidehim,herheadonhisknees.
Hereadfromabigbookofpoetry,em—
ployinglong,thoughtfulpausestoallowthe
wordstosinkin.Onehandgraspingthe
book,theothersmoothingherlong,dark
braids,causingtheglassbeadstochimeand
swishinasoft,liltingmelody--causingher
lipstocurve,herfacetoglow,andhereyestogrowallsparklyanddreamy.
Likeascenefromamovie--thekindEver
andherfriendsusedtowatch.
Thekindthatjustafewyearsbefore
would'vemademego:blech!and:gag!Andmakeanentiresoundtrackofgross-outsoundstogowith

it.

Butnotanymore.
63/299

Watchingthemtogetherlikethat...well,it
gavemethatweird,hollowfeelingagain.
Itmademefeelsoquietandwistful--I
suddenlyknewwhatitmeanttofeel
melancholy.
AndwhenBodhiliftedhishand,flattened
hispalm,andmanifestedabeautifulflower
hethentuckedbehindherear--ajasminefor
Jasmine--well,Icouldn'tstopwatching--evenwhenthesightofitmademyinsidesstarttoswirl.
ThiswasnottheBodhiIknew.
Thiswasnotthestraw-munching,semi—
proskaterdudewhoreallylikedtoargue--or
atleasthereallylikedtoarguewithme.
ThingsweredifferentwithJasmine.
Itwastheexactoppositeofthewayheactedwithme.Itwastheexactoppositeofthe
wayanyonewouldeveractwithmeaslongasIwasstuckasashrimpy,skinny,flat-chestedtwelve-

year-oldkid.

64/299
AslongasIremainedinthatstate,noboy
wouldeverreadmepoetry.
Noboywouldevertuckaflowerintomy
hair.
AndsuddenlyathoughtthatIwouldn't
haveevencaredaboutjustsixmonthsbefore
hadmesofreakedmywholebodytrembled,
causingButtercuptotuneintomymood,
tossbackhishead,andletoutalong,
mournfulhowl.
"Buttercup--shush!"I'dwhispered,butit
wastoolate.Jasminehadalreadyspotted
me,anditwasn'tlongbeforeBodhilooked
upandsawmeaswell--shoutingmyname
withavoicethatrangofshockandsurprise,
withmorethanahintofangertossedin.
Butinsteadofresponding,Iran--dragging
areluctantButtercupalongwithme.
Weranfromtheclearing.
Ranpaststreamsthatturnedintorivers,
andriversthatturnedintolakes.Weran
rightoutoftheforestoftreesandwide-open
65/299
spaces,andintoacityfilledwithtallcrystalbuildings.
Weranuntilwebothgrewtoopoopedto
continue.Weranuntilwerememberedit
wassomucheasiertofly.Isoaredashighas
Icould,andthenhigherstill.Buttercupglid—
ingalongsideme,hisearsflappinglikecrazy,hismouthstretchedandcurledasthoughhewas

grinning.Butwhilemydogwasenjoying

theflight--myonlygoalwastoflee.Myhead
wasspinning,myinsidesthrumming,andI
wantednothingmorethantoerasewhatI'd
seen.
Wantednothingmorethantoridmyselfof
thehorrible,desperatefeelingithadstirred
upinsideme.
AndeventhoughIwasn'tsupposedtodo
it,eventhoughI'dbeentolditwasstrictly
forbidden,eventhoughI'dalreadygottenin
troubleforitonmorethanoneoccasion,
thatwasn'tenoughtokeepmefromstopping
bytheViewingRoom.
66/299
Ineededtoseemysister,Ever.Neededto
findawaytobewithher,communicatewith
her.Thinkingthatdoingsomightmakeme
feelbetter.
RememberingwhattheCouncilhadtold
me:
Takesometimeoff.
Spendtimewithfamily.Visitwithfriends.
UsingitasjusttheexcusethatIneededto
stopbeforethedoor,andpushmywayin.

6

ThesecondIsawthatpurple-and-orange
Hawaiianshirt(theexactsameonehewas
wearingthelasttimeIsawhim,butwhowas
Itojudge?)alongwiththeplaidBermuda
shorts,theblackdresssocks,andtheshiny
blackshoes--well,Iknewforsureitwasfate.
Destiny.
Therewasnodoubtinmyminditwas
kismet.
Meanttobe.
WhyelsewouldMort,theguywhostarted
allthis,theguywhofirsttoldmeaboutthe
placewhereallthedreamshappen--whyelse
wouldIfindhimstandingrightinfrontof
me?
Forthesecondtimeinarow,even?
AndjustwhenIwaswonderingifhe'drecognizeme,heturnedandsmiledandsaid,
"Heya,newbie!"
68/299
Newbie?
Isquinted.Notquitesurehowtotakethat.

Thinkingatfirsthewastakingaswipeatmy
age,butitwasn'tlongbeforeIrealizedhe
wasreferringtomyglow.
Iwasgreen.Hewasyellow.Soclearlyhe'd
beenHerelonger.Youcouldtelljustby
looking.
Ismiledinreturn.Furtivelylookingover
hisshoulderforthefriendhe'dbeenwiththe
lasttimeI'dseenhim--theonewhowasreluctanttosharemuchofanything.And,as

fate

would

have
it,

he
wasn't
there--somethingItookasanothergood
sign.
"So,youfindit?"Mortasked,takinghis
placeatthefrontofthelinewhenacubicle
wasvacatedandthepersonbeforehimwent
in.
Ishookmyhead,carefultokeepmyvoice
lowerthanusualwhenIsaid,"Oratleastnot
yet,anyway."
69/299
Mortlookedmeover,histwobushybrows
mergingtogetheruntiltheylookedlikean
overfedcaterpillarhadcollapsedonhis
forehead.
"Doyouthinkyoucouldhelp?Ormaybe
evenshowmewhereitis?Imean,Iknow
you'rebusyandall,andI'mwillingtowait.Iwasjusthopingthatmaybe--"
ButbeforeIcouldfinish,anotherstallwas
vacatedandaloudvoicecalled,"Next!"
Mort'shandsgrewantsy,curlingandun—
curlingbyhissides,clearlyeagertogetinsidethecubicle,observehisoldlife.
AndknowingIhadonlyahandfulof
secondsbeforeIlosthimcompletely,Isaid,
"I-just-thought-you-could-maybe-point-me—
in-the-right-direction?"Thewordscoming
soquickly,theyallblurredasone.
Hewavered,glancingbetweenthecubicle
andme.AndjustwhenIwassurethatI'd
losthim,thathe'ddecidedagainstme,he
sighed,wavedinthepersonbehindhim,and
70/299
said,"Guessyougotanimportantmessage
toshare,eh?"
Inodded.EventhoughIhadnoideawhat
thatmessagemightbe,IknewthatifI
wantedhishelp,ifIwantedtogettothe
placewherethedreamsgotohappen,itwas
bettertokeepthatfacttomyself.
Hescrewedhismouthtotheside,causing
hischeektostretchandthewrinklestoflattenandfade.Returningtonormalagain
whenhislipsdroppedbackintoplace,and
hesaid,"I'vegotagranddaughteryour
age--name'sDaisy.What'reyou--ten?"
Igroaned.Like,seriouslygroaned.Ididn't
eventrytostifleit.He'dinsultedmeinthe

veryworstway.
ButMortjustlaughed.Laughedforsolong
Iwasmorethanreadytocutmylossesand
strikeoutonmyown,whenhefinally
soberedupenoughtosay,"Yousureyou
wanttodothis?"
71/299
IthoughtaboutmysisterandhowmuchI
missedher.
IthoughtaboutseeingBodhiwithJasmine
andthewayitmademefeel.
AndwhenmyeyesmetMort's,wellthat's
whenIknewthatBodhihadlied.Theplace
whereallthedreamshappenwasn'tforbidden--Bodhiwasjustdoinghisbesttokillall
myfun.
"Yeah,I'dreallyliketovisit,"Isaid,my
voicedeepandserious."Willyouhelpme
findit?"
MortglancedaroundtheViewingRoom,
rubbedhischinwithasurprisinglywell—
manicuredhand,thenamomentlater,he
headedforthedoor.Holdingitopenand
motioningformetogothroughashesaid,
"Afteryou,then."

7

Asitturnedout,Mortwasn'tnearlyas
charmedwiththeconceptofflyingasButtercupandIwere.
Mortwasold-school.
OtherthantheoccasionaltriptotheViewingRoomandtheareawherethedreamsall
takeplace,itseemedheworkedprettyhard
tokeeptoalifethatwasverysimilartothe
onehe'dlivedbackontheearthplane.And
sincehewastheonlyoneIknewwhocould
helpmetogetthere,Ihadnochoicebutto
doithisway.Whichprettymuchmeantthat
wehitchedarideonthetrain.
Wesettledontoourseats,Buttercupand
meononeside,Mortontheother,andwe'd
onlygoneabitdownthetrackswhenhe
startedtellingmeallaboutDaisy,his
granddaughter.
73/299
Inodded.Smiled.ListenedasintentlyasI
could,makingsuretolaughinalltheright
places.Andeventhoughshesoundedreally
niceandsweet,likesomeoneImightliketo
knowifitwasn'ttoolate--ifIwasn'talready

dead--Istillhavetosaythat,fortherecord,
shedidn'tsoundtheslightestbitlikeme.
Forstarters,themusicsheliked,well,it
waskindofembarrassing.
Anddon'tevengetmestartedonherfavoriteTVshowsandmovies.
Still,itwasclearthatMortmissedher.
Andbecauseofit,becauseIwassomewhat
closetoherage,hewasdeterminedtofinda
connectionthat,tobehonest,justwasn't
there.
"So,doyouevervisitherinherdreams?"I
asked,tryingtostaysomewhatontopic,
whilesteeringitinadirectionthatwasmuch
closertomyowninterests.
Henodded,mumbling,"Allthetime,"as
hegazedoutthewindow.Eyesnarrowingas
74/299
thoughhecouldactuallymakeoutthe
scenery,eventhoughwheneverIlookedallI
couldgetwasafuzzy,grayblur."Kidsare
veryreceptivetothatsortofthing,"hesaid.
"AndDaisy'snodifferent.Whenshewas
younger,justababy,Iusedtoskipthe
dreamsaltogetherandpopinforavisitinstead.Iusedtosingtoher,readherstories
inhercrib--wehadourselvesagreattime."
Helaughed,gazefarawayasthoughviewing
itagaininhishead."Andthenlater,when
shecouldtalk,sheusedtotellhermom--my
daughterDelilah--sheusedtotellherthat
Grampyhadjuststoppedby.That'swhatshe
calledme,Grampy.Thoughofcourseher
momdidn'tbelieveher.Adultsneverdo."He
shookhishead."They'retooskeptical.Too
close-minded.Thinkthey'vegotitallfigured
out--thattheyknowallthereis.Heck,Iwas
thesameway...oratleastIwasuntilIfound
myselfHere."Helaughedagainandlooked
away.
75/299
"So,you'reallowedtodothat?Dropinfor
anactualvisit,Imean?"Ifrowned,thatwas
certainlynewstome.Sofarmyonlyvisits
hadbeenforSoulCatching,andavacation
thatturnedintoSoulCatching.Ididn'tthink
wecouldjustdropinwheneverwepleased.
ButMort,sensingmygrowingexcitement,
wasquicktocorrectme.Hisexpressiongone

suddenlycareful,guarded,hesaid,"Now
don'tgogettinganyideas."Heshotmea
sternlook."Thatwasallawhileago.Way
backbeforeIknewanybetter.Whilenothing'sexactlyforbiddenperse...well,that
kindofthing,thoseearthplanevisits,they'renotexactlyencouragedeither.Besides,allitusually

amountstoisabigwasteoftime.

Otherthandogsandlittlekids,mostpeople
can'tseeus."
Hewentonandon,butIwasnolonger
listening.Iwasstillstuckonthepartwhen
hesaidnothingwasforbidden.
Wasittrue?
76/299
Coulditpossiblybe?
Andifso,doesthatmeanBodhihadlied
tome?
"See,thethingis,"Mortcontinued,his
voicepitchinglouder,invadingmythoughts.
"Theydon'twantusinterferingtoomuch.
Eachsoul,eachperson,hastofindtheirown
way--learntheirownlessons.Andlet'sface
it,mostpeopleonlylearnthehardway.No
oneevervolunteersforchange.Evenwhen
thesituationthey'reinmakesthemunhappy,mostpeoplewouldratherstickwith
theunhappytheyknow,thantakeachance
onsomethingunknown.AndI'lltellyafrom
experiencethatit'snotaneasythingto
watch.But,intheend,it'sallforthebest.It'sallthoseroughbitsthatmakeusstronger.
Thetoughstuffmakesusgrowandmature.
Whichiswhyyoucan'tgoaroundprotecting
everyonefromtheworldthattheylivein.
Youhavetoletthemlearntonavigateitall
ontheirown.Ifyouinterfere,ifyoudon'tlet77/299
themfindtheirownway,you'llstuntthem,
keepthemfromlearning,progressing.And
I'lltellyourightnow,thatsortofthingleadstonogood."
InoddedasthoughIunderstoodevery
word,asthoughIagreedwholeheartedly.
Though,thetruthis,mygazewasunsteady,
unfocused,asablurofthoughtsandimages
swirledthroughmyhead.
"And,asyou'llsoonsee,they'reverycarefultoregulatethatsortofwell-intentioned
interferencewhenitcomestodreamvisita—
tions.Thoughtherearewaystogetaround
it,thetruthis,it'srarelyworththebother.Itrequiresloadsofcomplicatedsymbolism,andforthe

mostpart,peopleeithercan'trememberit,orworse,theymuckitallup

whentheytrytointerpretit.Igaveallthat

upawhileago.Itjustgottoofrustrating.
NowIjustpopinwhenIcan,trytosenda
littlecomfortandlove,andleaveitatthat."
78/299
"Anddoesitwork?"Iasked,remembering
whatIoverheardMortsayingtohisfriend
thefirsttimeIsawthem.Howheoftenvisitedhisgrievingwifeinherdreams,wanting
hertoknowhewasA-okay.Butthemoment
shewokeup,sheshruggeditoff--convinced
herselfitwasn'treal.Justsomethingher
braincookeduptomakeherfeelgood.
Ilookedathim,waitingforananswer,but
thenthetraincametoahalt,thedoors
sprangwideopen,andMortlookedatme
andsaid,"Thisisit.Dreamland.We'rehere."

8

Itprobablydoesn'tmakemuchsensetosay:"It'snotwhatIthoughtitwouldbe,"abouta
placeyouneverreallythoughtaboutbefore.
Andyet,thosewerethefirstwordsthat
sprangtomindwhenIgazeduponthebig,
sparkly,halfmoon-shapedsignthatread:
WELCOMETODREAMLAND.
Itwasn'tatalllikeI'dthought.
IguessIwasexpectingittobemorelikea
movietheater.Abigdarkroomfullofchairs
withcupholderspunchedintothearms,and
alarge,widescreenprojectingallkindsof
crazy,mixed-upimagesthatsomehowfound
theirwaytothedreamer.
Butinstead,Iwasgreetedbyatalliron
gateandaglass-enclosedguardhousewitha
veryserious-lookingguardwhostudiedus
closely.
80/299
Mortmadehiswayforward,saidaquick
andfriendlyhello,thenpatientlywaited,
thumbshitchedintohisbeltloops,humming
anunfamiliartune,astheguardgavehima
thoroughonce-over.Tappingthetipofhis
pointyredpenalongtheedgeofalongsheet
ofpaperuntilhefoundwhathewaslooking
for,placedathickcheckmarkbesideit,then
shotMortanothersternlookashewaved
himrightin.AndeventhoughButtercupand
IwerequickonMort'sheels,hopingtosneak
inalongsidehim,itseemsButtercupwas
quickerthanIwas.

Thesecondmyfoottriedtosneakitsway
in,thegateslammedclosedbeforeme,asthe
guardglaredandsaid,"Stateyournameand
yourbusiness,please."
Igulped,gazedlonginglyatmyfriends
whowerestandingwhereIneededtobe,
mumblingaquick:"Uh,mynameisRiley
Bloom."Tryingmybestnottofiddlewithmy
fingers,chewmyhair,twitchmyknee,or
81/299
engageinanyotherkindofnervous
giveawayasIwatchedhimflickhispen
downthelongsheetofpaper."Asformy
business..."IarrangedmyfaceintowhatI
hopedresembledapleasantsmile,thinkinga
littlefriendlinessmighthelpspeedthings
along."Well,I'mhopingtosendsomeonea
dream."
Mortgasped,wheezed,clearedhisthroat
inawaythatwassomuchlouderthannecessary.Andwhenmyeyesfoundhis,Iknew
justwhathewasupto--hewastryingtodi—
verttheattentionfromme.
AlthoughitmayhaveseemedasthoughI
hadn'treallysaidmuchofanything,apparentlywhatIhadsaidwasenoughtokeepme
fromentering.
Butitwastoolate.Theguardhadalready
narrowedhiseyes,wasalreadyinthemiddle
ofsaying,"Excuseme?Whatdidyoujust
say?"
82/299
Heleanedforward,pressingtowardmein
awaythat,well,hadIstillbeenalive
would'vemademeblushcrimson.Though,
asitwas,Ijuststoodthereallbug-eyedand
mute,replayingmywords,unabletopinpointjustwhereI'dfailed.
IglancedatMort,hopinghecouldhelp,
butfromtheresignedlookinhiseyes,Iwas
allonmyown.
"Um,whatImeantwasthatI'mhereto
sendsomeoneadream."Alreadycringing
wellbeforethewordswereallout.Seeingthe
guard'smouthgoalltwistyandgrim,as
Mortjustsighedandcoveredhisfacewith
hishands."Imean,maybeI'mnotfamiliar
withthelingo,maybeIdon'tknowallthe
correctterms,butallIwanttodois..."
Dreamvisitation.Tellhimyou'reherefor

adreamvisitation!
Althoughitseemedlikethethoughtjust
randomlypoppedintomyhead,Iknewthere
wasnothingrandomaboutit.Notevenclose.
83/299
ThewordscamewithMort'sunmistakable
EastCoastaccent.Itwasn'tsomuchatelepathicmessage,asanorderI'dbetterseriouslyfollowifI

wantedtobeonthesame

sideofthegateasButtercupandhim.
"Ijustwantto,uh,visitsomeoneina
dream,"Isaid,holdingthesmilethatwas
growingsostiffitmademycheekssting.
"Youknow,likeadreamvisitation,that's
all."
Theguardlookedatme,hisfacestillstern.
Holdinghissilenceforsolong,Iwasjust
abouttocutmylossesandleave,whenhe
said,"Sowhydidn'tyousayso?"Heshook
hishead,scribbledmynameatthebottomof
hislistbeforeplacingafatredcheckmark
besideit."Andjustsoyouknow,fortherecord,wedon'tcreatedreamshere,younglady.

Dreamweavinghasn'ttakenplacefor..."Hefrowned,gazedintothedistanceas

thoughstudyinganinvisiblecalendaronly
hecouldsee."Well...let'sjustsayit'sno
84/299
longerdone.Though,ifyou'reinterestedina
dreamjump,well,thenyou'vecometotherightplace."Hesmiledbrightly,hiseyesshining,his

cheekswidening--thechangeso

dramatic,sostartling,helookedlikeanentirelydifferentperson."Onlyafewhours'tilclosing

though.Notsureifthey'llgettoyoutoday.Butjustincase,youbetterwearthis."

HeslidmeabadgethatIimmediatelyattachedtomytee.Thegateopenedbeforeme
asIwonderedhowaplacelikethiscouldactuallyclose,whenbackhomeontheearth
plane,peopleweredreaminginalldifferent
timezones.Loadsofpeopleheadingfor
sleepjustasawholeotherloadwerestarting
theirday.Butknowingbetterthantopushit,
Idecidedtojustshrugandsmileandaddit
tothelonglistofthingsthatdidn'tmakeanysense.
NosoonerwasIsafelyinside,whena
heavilyaccentedvoicesaid,"Gah!Whois85/299
thiswonder?WhatisthisvisionIseehere
beforeme?"
Iturnedtowardthevoice,curioustosee
whomitbelongedto.NoticingthewayMort
steppedquicklyaside,hisfacefullofawe,ashemadewayforashort,rotundmanwithawispy

goateeanddarkglossyhairthatappearedsolidblack,asidefromthethickwhite

skunkstripethatfelldownthefront.

Themanstrodecloser,thelegsofhis
stretchyridingpantsrubbingominouslytogether,ashisknee-highbootssmackedhard
againsttheconcreteinachorusofdoom.I
narrowedmygazeonhistightblueshirt,
notinghowthebuttonswerethisclosetopopping,whilehissilk,paisleyscarftwistedlooselyaround

hisneck,once,twice,before

floatingbehindhimlikeaswirlofhazy
jetstream.
AndthenextthingIknew,hewasstandingbeforeus,handclutchedtohischestas

he
said,
"Aw,

but

she

is
perfetto!
86/299
Perfection--I
say!

Hurry
now,
vite-
vite--thereisnotimetowaste!"
Ipaused,lookingtoMortforguidance,unsurewhattodo.Aftertheordealwiththe
guardIwasafraidofsayingordoinganythingwrong.
Butasecondlater,thestrangelittleman
wastuggingonmysleeve,pullingmetoward
himashesaid,"Youmustcome--and
quickly!SheisjustwhatIhaveaskedfor!A
giftthathasarrived--howdoyousay?Inthe
verynickoftime!HowdidyouknowthatI
neededyounow?"Heglancedmyway,eyebrowarchedhigh,notallowinganytimeto
replybeforehewavedhishandbeforehim
andsaid,"Nevermind!Idonotquestionthe
how--Iacceptthisgiftasitis.Thereisno
timetowaste--notimeatall!Just,please,
thismustbeworn--"Hethrustapairof
pristinewhitegossamerwingsintomyarms.
"Now,quickly,youmustfollow,vite-vite!Wemustnotdelay!"
87/299
Irushedalongsidehim,boltedoverawide
swathofconcrete,overawindingtrailof
grass,followedbyapathofcrumblyasphalt.
Goingrightpastabig,surprisinglyrun—
down,abandonedbuilding,slowingmypace
asIstruggledtogetthewingssecurely
placedonmyback.Havingnoideawhatthey
mightbefor,butsohappytobemoving
awayfromthegateIdecidednottoask.
"Ithoughtitwasover.IwassureIwould
beforcedtocompromise--somethingof
whichI,Balthazar,amnotfond,notfondat
all."HeglancedatButtercup,smiling
brightlyasheadded,"Adreamisadelicate
recipe--consistingofonlythepurestingredients.Adreammustbehandledwithgreat
care.Likesouffle!"Heclappedhishandstogether,delightedwithhisownmetaphor."A
delicatebalancewithnoroomforsubsti—
tutes.Iwasalloutofoptions,Iwasthisclosetoleaving--"Hepinchedhisthumbandforefinger

together,heldithighoverhisshoulder88/299

sothatButtercup,Mort,andIcouldallsee.
"Ithinktomyself:Balthazar,maybethis
timeyoureallydoquit.Maybenowiswhenyouretireforgood!Andthen,theverynextmoment,

whatdoIsee?"

HestoppedsoabruptlyInearlycrashed
intohisside,andittookamomenttorealize
hewasactuallyawaitingareply.

Ismiledserenely,usingtheMonaLisaasmyguide.Mychinlowered,eyesdowncast,voicequietand

humbledasIsaid,"Iam

honoredtobeofservice.Idohaveavery
strangeknackforshowingupatjustthe
righttime."
Ipaused,swaddledinthecomfortoffeelingratherpleasedwithmyself.ThenIlifted
myeyestomeethis,andthat'swhenIrealizeditwasn'texactlymethathefoundsomagnificoand

perfetto.

Nope,itwasn'tmeatall.
ItwasButtercupthathadhimenthralled.
89/299
Balthazarsquintedasthoughseeingme
fortheveryfirsttime,which,Isoonrealized,hewas.
"Whatisthis?"Hescoffed,facecreasedintoascowlasheyankedawaythewingshe'd
thrustatmeearlier."Youmakejokewith
me?Isthatit?Balthazarhasgreatsenseof
humor,everyoneagrees.Butnowisnottime
forjokes!Balthazarhasveryimportant
work!Thedreamerwillawakenifwedonot
movequickly--allwillbelost!"Heshookhis
head,mutteredunderhisbreath,and
struggledtoplacethewingsontoavery
unhappy,not-so-cooperativeButtercup.
StillfeelingalittleannoyedbythewayI'd
beentreated,thewayI'dcomeinsecond
placetomydog,Iplacedmyhandsonmy
hipsandsaid,"Um,okay,butjustsoyou
know,Buttercupisahe,notashe.Also,hedoesn'tneedwingstofly,hecanmanagejustfineonhis

own."

90/299
Balthazar'seyesgrewwide,andthenwider
still.Hardlyabletobelievehisgoodfortune
ashegrabbedholdofButtercup'scollarand
ran,leavingMortandmetostruggletocatch
upwiththem.
"Balthazarhasanartistictemperament,"
Morttoldme,hiswordspunctuatedbythe
soundofhisblackdressshoespoundingthe
asphalt."Hecangetabit...testyattimes,butthat'sonlybecausehe'ssuchaperfec-tionist.Hehas

vision.Remarkablevision.

He'samaster.Theabsolutebest.Noonecan
handleadreamjumplikehim.He'sjustas
bigalegendHereashewasontheearth
plane.Nottoworry,Buttercupisingood
hands."
"ButwhoisBalthazar?"Iasked,choosingtoslow,nolongertryingtokeepuptheirpace.Mortshot

meastrangelookthenpointedatthefadingfigureahead,butIjust

shookmyheadandsaid,"No,whatImeant
was,whoishe?Whatdoeshedohere?"
91/299
Mortturned,browsquirkedindisbelief.
"Balthazarrunstheplace!Hasforyears.
Backwhenhewasalive,hewasoneofthe
mostcelebrateddirectorsofalltime.Gota
shelffullofOscarstoproveit.Nowthathe'sHereheoverseesallthedreamjumps.Hasahandfulof

assistantdirectorstohelphim,

butmakenomistake,he'sincharge.Yougot
adreamvisitationinmind,yougottago
throughhim.He'syouronlyhope.Hedecideswhomakesthecut."

9

"Sheisanatural.Shehasdonethisbefore,no?"
IgazeddownthetipofBalthazar'spointingfinger,watchingButtercuptakeflight,
soaringbackandforthacrossasetarranged

to

look

like

beautiful

enchanted
garden--completewithbloomingtrees,a
sparklinglawn,andaglisteninglakepopulatedbyasmallgroupofblackandwhite
swans.
"He,"Isaid,myvoicemorethanalittletesty,maybetootesty.Butstill,howmanytimeswouldIbe

forcedtosayitbeforehe

understood?"Buttercupisahe,"Irepeated,butitwasnouse,mywordsfellondeafears.
Balthazarmerelywaveditaway,jumped
fromhischair,andmotionedforButtercup
tosoarhigher,fortheswanstoglidefaster,
asaguywholookedtobeinhistwenties
93/299
walkedhandinhandwithagirl,whispering
softlyintoherear.
Ihoistedmyselfontothedirector'schair
anassistanthadbroughtme,crossingone
legovertheother,andturningtoMort,just
abouttoaskhimaquestionwhenheshook
hisheadandpointedtowardthesignoverheadwiththebrightredlettersthatread:
SILENCE!DREAMINPROGRESS!
Leftwithnochoicebuttoshelveallmy
questions'tillater,Itookagoodlook
around,takinginthehiveofactivity,the
sheeramountofworkittooktomakea
dreamhappen.Itwassurprisingtosaythe
least.
UpuntilthenI'dalwaysassumedthat
dreamswere...well...awholelotsimpler
thanwhatIsawunfoldingbeforeme.Ialwaysassumedtheywerewovenfromremnantsofrandom

thoughtsandexperiences

thathappenedduringtheday--bitsand
piecesofthingsseenandheard,mixedin
94/299
withmerefigmentsoftheimagination.Allof
itsortofswirlingtogetherlikesomekindof
fantastical,subconscioussoup.Oratleast
thatwasthegistofthedreaminterpretation
bookEvergotmeoneyearforChristmas.
ButaccordingtowhatIsawhappeningin
Dreamland,thatbookwasdeadwrong.
Itwasaproduction.
Likeamajor,big-timeproduction.
Remindingmeofthetimemyclasstooka
fieldtriptoseeanoperainPortland,not
longbeforeIdied.
Justliketheopera,thesetwaselaborate,
carefullycrafted,containingawholecrewof

actors,includingmydog,whocontinuedto
flyoverhead.Yettherewasalsoawholecrew
ofpeopleworkingoffthestagetoo.Including
costumedesigners,makeupartists,andhair
stylists,aswellaslightingtechnicians,a
stuntpersonortwo,andawholeteamthat,
fromwhatIcouldsee,wereinchargeofthe
specialeffects.
95/299
Alsoliketheopera,therewasapitatthe
edgeofthestagewheretheorchestrasat.A
smallgroupofmusiciansclutchingastrange
varietyofhorns,andcans,andchains,and,
yeah,someevenhadthekindofmusicalinstrumentsyoumightexpect--allofthem
keepingacloseeyeonBalthazar--awaiting
theirsignal,tomakejusttherightsound,at
justtherightmoment.
Itwasamazing.
Absolutelyandcompletelyamazing.
Watchingitallunfoldrightbeforeme,
well,Icouldn'thelpbuttakeaquickmental
inventoryofalltheolddreamsIrememberedfrommypast,unabletoseethem
thesamewayIoncehad.
Thoughunliketheopera,itseemeditwas
overbeforeitcouldreallygetstarted.And
thenextthingIknewBalthazarleapedfrom
hischairandshouted,"She'sawake!That'sa
wrap!Goodwork,everyone!"
96/299
Thegirlvanished--like,onesecondshe
wasthereandthenext,not.Andwhilethecrewbusiedthemselveswithclearingthestageand

dismantlingtheset,theguywiped

thetearsfromhiseyesandprofusely
thankedBalthazar--tellinghimthatforthe
firsttimesincehisdeath,hefeltlikehe'd
trulygottenthroughtohisgrievingfiancee.
Buttercupboundedtowardthepileof
doggybiscuitsBalthazarheldinhishand.All
puffedupandself-satisfiedwithhisperformance,hisnewfoundstarpower,hewent
aboutthebusinessofbusilywolfingthem
down,asBalthazarsmiledandsaid,"Herehe
is--thetruestarofthisshow!"Thenlooking
atme,headded,"Iaminyourdebt.Because
ofyourdog,thedreamwassaved.Thegirl
wasdreamingofabeautifulfieldofsparkling
lakes,blackandwhiteswans,and,believeit
ornot,angelic,flyingdogs.And,asIhad

noneonhand,whenyoushowedupwhen
youdid--well,itsavedtheentireproduction.
97/299
Soplease,tellme,howcanIeverrepay
you?"
Ipressedmylipstogether,struggledto
makesenseofhiswords.Whathe'djustsaid
wasentirelydifferentfromwhatIthought
I'djustwitnessed.
"Wait--"Isquinted,shookmyhead."You
meantosaythatyoudidn'tactuallycreatethatdream?"Igazedrightathim,notinghowhewasso

short,hewasexactlyeyelevel

withme."Areyousayingthatyoumerelyrecreatedadreamthatwasalreadyinprogress?"Mymind

ranwiththeconcept--itwasanevenbiggerfeatthanI'dimagined.

IglancedtowardMort,alertedbytheway
hiseyebrowsshotupsohightheypractically
blendedintohisscalp,andwhenmygaze
landedonBalthazaragain,well,hejust
lookedatmeandbalked.
Like,seriouslybalked.
Hislipsflattening,whitening,ashisnos—
trilsflared,hisearstwitched,andhischeeks98/299
threatenedtoexplodeinaburstofred,
anger-fueledfury.
Andthen,justwhenIwassureitcouldn't
getanyworse,Iwatched,completelymortified(completelymystified!),asBalthazar
spunonhisheelandstormedawaywithout
anotherword.

10

Forsomeonewhohadjustprofessedtobeinmydebt--forsomeonewhohadjustclaimedthatbecause

ofmydogIhadheroicallysaved

theday--forsomeonewhoclaimedtohave
ginormousgobsofgratitudereservedjustfor
me--well,allIcansayisthatwhenBalthazar
stormedaway,itprettymuchcancelledall
that.
Buttercupslunktohisbellyandletouta
low,sorrowfulwhimper,asMortmumbleda
wholestringofwordsunderhisbreaththat
soundedlike,"Ohboy,nowyou'vedoneit
..."Ijuststoodthereandgaped,havingno
ideawhatI'ddonetooffendBalthazarin
suchabig,apparentlyunforgivableway.
ItwasMortwhofinallywentafterhim,
somehowconvincinghimtostoplong
enoughtohearhimout.AndthoughIstill
havenoideawhathesaid,Idoknowthat

100/299
Balthazarreconsidered,turned,andfinally
madehiswaybackwherehestoodbefore
me,takinggreatcaretoenunciateeachand
everywordashesaid,"Iamtoldthisisyour
firstvisittoDreamland,no?"
Inodded,fartooafraidtosaysomething
wrong.
Hepaused,studiedmeclosely,fingering
theknottedsilkscarfathisthroat."Andso,
this...this...ignoranceofyours,itmustbeforgiven,yes?"
Inoddedagain.Notreallylikingtheword
"ignorance"beingsoeasilyappliedtome,
butknowingbetterthantosayanything.
"Andso,weshallagreetoneverspeakofit
again?"
IglancedbetweenMortandButtercup,
sawtheirdualnodsofencouragement.Then
IlookedatBalthazar,andsaid,"Um,okay...
Ijustthoughtmaybeyoucouldhelpmesend
adreamtomysister,butIguessImisunderstood,so..."
101/299
Mortgasped.
Buttercupplacedhispawsoverhiseyes.
AndjustwhenIwassureitcouldn'tget
anyworse,Balthazarspokeinavoicethat
wasquiteabithigher,quiteabitscreechier
thanI'dcometoexpect."Correction!"he
practicallyshouted."Wedonotsenddreams.
Nordowecreatedreams,but,rather,wedreamjump.Youwouldliketodreamjump,Ithink,yes?"
Henodded.Noddedinawaythattoldme
thatifIknewwhatwasgoodformethenI
wouldnodtoo.
SoIdid.
Andthen,Iclearedmythroatandsaid,
"Yes,"justtoreiterate.
AndthenInoddedagain.
Itmayhavebeenoverkill.Butheck,practicallyfromthemomentI'darrivedI'dsaid
everythingwrong.FromwhatIcouldtell,
thesepeoplewerereallystuckonusingjust
therightwords,soIdon'tthinkIcanbe
102/299
blamedfortryingtodosomethingrightfora
change.
Thoughluckily,itseemedtowork,because
Balthazarjustlookedatmeandsaid,"Good.
Now,please,comewithme,MissRiley

Bloom."
AccordingtoBalthazar,time,orrather,thetimeofday,reallywasn'tallthatimportantwheredream

jumpingwasconcerned.SomethingwhichIconsideredagoodthing,

sinceA:fromwhatI'dbeentold,thereisno
timeintheHere&Now,andB:alsofrom
whatI'dbeentold,Dreamlandhadsome
prettystrictopeningandclosinghours.
AlsoaccordingtoBalthazar,aperson
didn'thavetobeasleeptoreceiveamessage.
Whileitmaybethepreferredway--mostly
becausethedreamstatelowersaperson's
defenses,leavingthemmorereceptiveto
103/299
messagesfromthebeyond--itwasn'tentirely
necessary.Itwasn'ttheonlyway.
Apparentlyamessagecouldbesentjustas
easilywhenapersondriftedoffinaday—
dream(somethingthatIusedtodoalotofin
mymathclass)oreven,surprisinglyenough,
whilegoingforaverylongdrive.
"Drivingismeditative,"hesaid."Alotof
people--howdoyousay?"Hepaused,finger
placedonhischin,takingamomenttocap—
turethewordhewashunting."Alotof
peoplezoneoutwhentheydrive."Helookedatme,nodding,skunkhairwaggingbeforeapairof

darklytwinklingeyes.

Icouldn'thelpbutgiggleatthewayhe'd
soundedwhenhesaidzoneout.PerfettoandmagnificoweretwowordsI'dalreadygrownusedto--

theywerewordsthatsuitedhisstrange,quasi-Europeanaccent.Buthearing

thatsameaccentpronouncezoneout...well,itwasjustsohilariousIcouldn'tresistthelaughthat

burstout.

104/299
"And,ifthatisnotpossible,"headded,ignoringthewayIbentforward,clutchedat
mybelly."Thereisalwaysmusic."
Ilookedathim.Hehadmyfullattention
again.
"Musicisoneofthehighestartforms
thereis.Itcandefinealife,changealife,orevensavealife,injustthreeshortminutes.
It'sgotadirectlinktothedivine.Allart
formsdo,ofcourse,butmusic..."Hisgaze
wentallblearyashestaredoffintothedistance,searchingforabetterwaytoexplain
it,butthenheshookhishead,wavedhis
handbeforehim,andsaid,"Anyway...sotell
me,haveyoueverheardjusttherightsong
atjusttherightmoment?"
IpressedmylipstogetherasIthought
longandhard--prettysurethatIhad.No,on

secondthought,Imostdefinitelyhad.More
thanonceforthatmatter.
105/299
Henodded,havingalreadyassumedthe
answer."Thatwassomeonetryingtosend
youamessage."
Myjawdropped,mytonguewentall
lumpyandspeechless,andIrememberedall
thetimesinthepastwhenI'dbeeneither
scared,ornervous,orsad,orallthree,and
howthesongmymomalwaysusedtoplay
formewhenIwasbaby,asongbyJames
Taylor,thesamesongherparentsplayedfor
her,wouldjustmagicallyappearonthera—
dio,orplayonTV,orsometimesevenacar
wouldgobythathaditblastingfromits
stereo.
Mycomfortsong.
Oratleastthat'showIusedtothinkofit.
Andyet,everytimethathappened,onevery
singleoneofthoseoccasions,I'dwrittenit
offassomesortofcrazycoincidence.
ButsuddenlyIknewbetter.
Ifinallyknewthetruth.
106/299
Contrarytowhatmostpeoplethink,coincidencesarefewandfarbetween.
"Andthen,ofcourse,thereisalsothe
thoughtwave."Hewavedhishanddis—
missivelyandwrinkledhisnose,hisfacedisplayingsuchdistasteIcouldn'thelpbut
wonderwhyheevenchosetomentionitin
thefirstplace.ThenbeforeIcouldaskfor
moredetails,hesaid,"Athoughtwavecanbe
donebyanyone.Thereisnotrainingrequired.Itiswherethesendersimplyfindsa
quietplaceandconcentratesveryhardwith
aparticularmessagethatmay,ormaynot,
reachthereceiver.Itissimple.Sometimes
effective,sometimesnot,depends.Buttomy
taste..."Heranhishandoverhischin,
tuggedlightlyonhisgoatee,histhumb
sportinganailthatwastwiceaslongas
mine."Well...let'sjustsaythatitisnottomytaste.So,toconclude,whiletherearemanywaysto

sendamessage,still,wheneverpossible,dreamjumpingisthepreferred

107/299
method.Whendoneright,thesender,as
wellasthereceiver,areabletoshare
somethingthatisbothspecialandunique."
"Andwhendonewrong?"Ihadnoidea

whyIsaidit.Iguessthewordsjustpopped
outbeforeIcouldstopthem.
Butluckily,Balthazarjustlaughed.His
headshaking,hisgoateetwitching,whenhe
said,"Iwouldnotknowaboutthis.Wenever
doitwrongaroundhere.Iinsistitisdone
rightoritisnotdoneatall.Andso,whatdoyouthink?Areyoureadytobegin?"

11

WhileMortwaspreppingforhisowndreamjump,ButtercupandIwereinBalthazar'soffice--a

smallspaceconsistingofacouch,twochairs,andadesk.Itswallscoveredwith

postersofsome,ifnotall,theoldmoviesI
assumedBalthazarhaddirectedbackinhis
Hollywooddays,andbelieveme,therewere
alotofthem.
IsettledontoachairasButtercupsniffed
hiswayaround,needingtoinvestigateevery
corner,sometimesmorethanonce,before
he'dsettledown.Balthazarslippedonapair
ofsparklyredreadingglasses,settledback
ontohiswornleatherchair,grabbedanotepadandapen,andsetaboutthebusinessof
grillingmewithallkindsofquestionsabout
mypast--or,ashecalledit:mybackstory.
109/299
Basically,hewantedtoknowasmuchasI
could(orinmycase,asmuchasIwould)tellhimaboutmyrelationshipwiththereceiver.
That'swhathecalledher,mysister,Ever,
thereceiver--whereasIwasknownasthe
sender.
Or,atleast,Ihopedtobe.Hestillhadn't
saidforsureifhe'dletmeproceed.Apparentlyitalldependedonthebackstory.
Ifhefoundmystorycompelling,mymotivationconvincing--ifhedeemeditworthy
ofeveryone'stime,he'dteachmetodream
jump.
Butifnot,well...Ipreferrednottothink
aboutthat.
Iguesstherewasaverylonglistofpeople
waitingforachancetoworkwithhim,but
becauseofButtercup'sshowingupatjustthe
righttimeandsavingthedreamjumpinprogress,hewaswillingtodomeafavorbylettingmeskip

tothefrontoftheline.But

110/299
whetherornotI'dgetanyfurtherdepended
onhisbeingintriguedbymybackstory.
So,Idovein.Tellinghimallaboutme,and
myfamily,howwediedinacaraccident--includinghowIstuckaroundtheearthplane
longafterthatsoIcouldcontinuetovisit(orhaunt,dependingonhowyouchosetolookatit)mybig

sister,Ever.GoingintoasmuchdetailasIcould,takinggreatcaretokeepitentertaining,tokeepitfrom

gettingtoofac-tual,tooboring.Ihadafeelinghewasthetypetoboreeasily--thatwhilehemayhave

insistedonhearingthemotivation,hehad
nointerestintheday-to-daydetails.Tripstothedentist,thefirsttimeImademyownsandwich--those

werethesortofthingsI

kepttomyself.Andeverytimehestartedto
foolwithhisgoatee,twirlingitbetweenhis
forefingerandthumb,IknewI'dbetter
speedthingsup,orlosehimcompletely.
111/299
Butwhenitcametimetorevealjustwhat
kindofmessageIwantedtosend...well,
that'swhenthewholethingfellapart.
Istuttered.
Spluttered.
ThewordslodgedinmythroatuntilI
completelystalledout.
CompletelyembarrassedbyhowbadI'd
flubbedup--andyet,Iwould'vebeenfar
moreembarrassedtoadmitthatmymessage
wasn'tsomuchtohelpEver,asitwastohelp
myself.
Imean,yeah,IwantedhertoknowthatI
lovedherandmissedherandallthat.Ialso
wantedtosharesomeofmyworriesabout
thekindoflifeshe'dfoundherselfin--and
myrealandvalidconcernsthatImightnevergettoseeheragain.ThoughIwasn'texactlywillingto

shareanyofthatwith

Balthazar,soitjustbecamemoreinformationIkepttomyself.
112/299
Still,ifI'mgoingtobe100percenthonest,
thenI'llhavetoadmitthatthedreamjump
wasmostlyforme.
Ineededreassurance.
Ineededsomegoodandsolidadvice.
IneededEvertotellmehowtomake
friends--howtogetteenagerstolikeme.
Howtogetboystotakenoticeofme.
ThekindsofthingsI'dnevereventhought
about,muchlessworriedabout,before.
Butmostly,Ineededhertotellmehowto
beateen.ItwasallIeverreallywanted--and
yet,Ihadnoideahowtoproceed.
IftheCouncilwasgoingtoforcemeto
takeabreakfromSoulCatching--theonly
wayIknewhowtoincreasemyglow,which
inturnmightmakemegrowandmature--thenIhadnochoicebuttoseekadvice

from

the

most

amazing

teenager

I
knew--Ever,mysister.
AndthoughIwasn'tactuallydumb
enoughtothinkonevisitwithherwould
113/299
makemethirteen--Iwasprettyconvinced
thatifIcouldjustlearnhowtoactit,thensomeday,hopefullysoon,Icouldbeit.
ButwhenmyeyesmetBalthazar's,well,I
knewIcouldn'tshareanyofthat--notwhen
Icouldbarelyadmitittomyself.
Soinstead,Iencouragedhimtofilluphis
notebookwitharandom,butcarefully

chosenassortmentofsomewhatrelevant
facts.Andwhenitcametimeformore,well,
Ijustliftedmyshoulders,loweredmyeyes,
andtoldhimthatIhadnoagenda.Toldhim
myonlygoalwastocheckin,seehowit
flowed,andtakeitfromthere.
Hispencrashedtohisdesk.Heleanedall
thewaybackinhischairandleveledhiseyes
rightonmine.AndeventhoughIdidn'thave
alotofinterviewexperiencetogoon,Iwas
prettysureBalthazar'sbodylanguage
signaledafail.
WhichiswhyIcouldn'thavebeenmore
surprisedwhenhesaid,"Perfetto!"
114/299
Ilookedathim.Blinked.WonderedifI'd
misunderstood.
"Magnifico!"Heclappedhishandstogether,once,twice,beforeherestedthemagainsttheoutward

curveofhisbelly."Thisisso

pure!So...honest!"Heswunghischairforward,grippedthesidesofhisdesk."Wewillletthestory

flow...wewillkeepitnatural,

organic.Thisistrulyfantastico!Icannotwaittogetstarted!"Hiseyebrowsjumpedashisgoatee

twitchedbackandforth.

Thenheleapedfromhisseat,skirtedhis
desk,andyankedhardonmysleeve,pulling
methroughasidedoorI'dfailedtonotice
before.WhiskingButtercupandmealonga
seriesofhalls,beforehestopped,presseda
short,stubbyfingertohischin,andsaid,
"Hereiswherewebegin."
Ifollowedhiminside,amazedtofindthe
kindofspaceI'doriginallyenvisioned--a
small,darktheaterwithchairs,aprojector,
andascreen.
115/299
ButtercupsettledatmyfeetasBalthazar
claimedtheseatrightbesideme.Crossing
hislegs,hefoldedhishandsontohisknees,
hisvoicelowandseriouswhenhesaid,"We
beginaswealwaysbegin--insilence.You
willcloseyoureyes.Youwillgovery,very
quiet--very,verydeep.Youwillremember
yoursister.Youwillmakeamentalpictureof
hertofillupyourhead.Then,whenthepictureiscomplete,youwilltuneintoherenergypattern.

Likefingerprints,everyonehas

one.And,alsolikefingerprints,eachoneis
unique.Then,whileyouarebusywiththat,I

willtakethisenergy's...howdoyousay..."
Helookedatme,squinted,butIjustlifted
myshouldersinreply,Ihadnoideawhere
hewasheaded."Iwilltakethisenergy'simprint."Henodded."Yes,that'sit.Imprint.
Theimprintisthemostimportantthing.
Withoutit,wecandonothing.Understand?"
Honestly?Ididn't.Ididn'tunderstanda
singlethinghe'dsaid.Noneofitmadethe
116/299
leastbitofsense.But,thewayhelookedat
me,hiseyeswide,headbobbing,IknewI
wasexpectedtowidenmyeyesandbobmy
headtoo.
SoIdid.
AndthenIclosedmyeyesandtriedtoappearasthoughIwasfollowingalltheother
directionsaswell.Picturingmysister,zoom—
inginonherimageuntilshefilledupmy
head.Tryingtotuneintoherenergy,herimprint,eventhoughIreallyhadnoideawhatthatmeant.
MostlyIjustsatthereandthoughtabout
her.Rememberingthewayshelooked--alot
likemewiththeblondhairandblue
eyes--thoughunlikemeinthathernosewas
notsemi-stubby--herchestwasnotsadlysunken.EverwasprettyandpopularinthewayIcouldonly

hopetobe.

Irememberedhowshelaughed--the
soundsortoflight,tinkly,andgirly.ThenI
rememberedhowshelaughedalotlessafter
117/299
survivingtheaccident--andjusthowhardI
hadtoworktokick-startherlaughteragain.
Irememberedthewayherfacelookedthe
dayshetoldmeitwastimetostophaunting
theearthplane,timetocrossthebridgeand
moveontowhereourparentsandButtercup
waited--hereyesunnaturallybright,her
voicemuchtootight.She'dtriedsohardto
playitstraight,tobemature,tobetough,todotherightthing--butitwaseasytoseeshewasjustas

brokenasIwas.

Thememorybloomingsolargeinmy
head,itbegantofeelreal.Begantoseemas
thoughitwashappeningalloveragain.
AndIwassocaughtupinthemoment,so
caughtupinthegriefofsayinggood-bye,
thatInearlymisseditwhenBalthazarcried,
"Gotit!Perfetto!Nowhurry--vite-vite,RileyBloom!Followme!"

12

Likeagymnastrotatingtowardamat--likeaskydiverhurtlingtowardawelcomingpatchofgrass--the

keytoasuccessfuldreamjump

isallaboutnailingthelanding.
Or,asBalthazarputit:"Aftertheimprint,
thelandingiseverything.Withouttheperfectlanding,thedreamerwillwake,andalliskaput!"
AccordingtoBalthazartherewereno
secondchanceswheredreamswereconcerned.Youhadtopracticeuntilyougotit
right.Andifyoucouldn'tgetitright,well,
thenyouhadtocutyourlosses,findyour
wayoutofDreamland,gosomeplacequiet,
andtryyourluckwithathoughtwave.
Iwasbeginningtorealizejustwhatapriv—
ilegeI'dbeenhanded.Upuntilthatmoment,
Ihadnoideathatothershadbeenforcedto
apprenticewiththeassistantdirectorsfor
119/299
long,untoldperiodsoftimebeforeBalthazar
wouldevenconsiderworkingwiththem.
"HowlongdidittakeMorttolearn?"I
asked,nottobecompetitive,butbecauseI
neededsomethingtogoon,somekindof
timeframeforhowlongitshouldtakemeto
learnwhatIneededtoknow.
ButBalthazarjustscowled,dismissedmy
questionwithanimpatientwaveofhishand.
"Mortisnotmyconcern.Norisheyours.We
haveonlyashorttimebeforeclosingtime
comes.Ifyouwantasuccessfuldreamjump,
youmustdothework."
Inodded,justabouttoaskhowhecould
possiblyknowitwasalmostclosingtimeina
placewheretherewasnotimetospeakof,
whenhelookedatmeandsaid,"Enough
withyourquestions.Answerscannothelp
youwhentheworkisintuitive.So,tellme,
areyoureadytomakeyourfirstjump?"
Inodded,partofmeexcitedandeager,the
otherpartquakingwithnerves.UnsureifI
120/299
wasupforthechallengewhenI'dneverbeen
allthatgreatatjumpingrope,ordoingthe
highjump,orthelongjump,oranyother
activityhavingtodowithjumping--andsurprisedtofindthatitwasn'treallyajumpatall.Balthazar

wasright,theworkwasintuitive--thejumpwaswaymorementalthan

physical.
BasicallyIhadtoobserveawholeslewof
dreams.Otherpeople'sdreams--complete
strangers'dreams--notoneofwhomwas

eventheleastbitfamiliartome.Balthazar
andIsatsidebyside,watchingarandomassortmentofimagesplayoutonthescreen,
anditwasmyjobtofindjusttherightmomenttopopinandsendamessage.And,
sinceitwasonlythefirststepinmytrainingsession,sinceIwasn'tactuallyjumpingintothescene,I

justshouted,"Jump!"whenever

thetimeseemedjustright.
Ittookmeawhiletogetthehangofit.It
wasway,wayharderthanitmightseem.
121/299
AndassoonasI'dgraduatedfromthat,
Balthazarhadmejumpingforreal.
Wemovedtoasoundstage--onethatwas
smallerthantheonewhereButtercuphad
madehisdebut--onethatwasusedstrictly
fortraining--aplacewhere,basically,Idid
allthesamethingsI'djustdone.
I'dwatchadreaminprogress,butinstead
ofyelling,"Jump!"I'djustnod,andthenext
thingIknewIwassomehowpropelledfrom
myseatandprojectedrightintothescene.
Droppedrightinthemiddleofwhateverit
wasthatwashappening,andthen,without
alertingthedreamer,withoutstartlingthem,
scaringthem,or,worstofall,wakingthem,I
hadtofindawaytoblendin,tonotstand
outinanyway.
Itseemedlikeitshouldbeacinch.The
kindofthingthatshouldbeimpossibleto
fail.Easy-peasyineverysenseoftheword.
But,asitturnedout,itwasprettymuch
theoppositeofthewayitfirstseemed.
122/299
Onmyfirstthreeattempts,allofthe
dreamerswokeup.
Onthefourth,thedreamermarchedright
uptomeanddemandedtoknowwhoIwas
andjusthowIgotthere.
Andonthefifth--well,that'swhenIfroze.
Ihadnoideawhattodo.
"Cut!"Balthazarshouted,thesoundofhis
voiceyankingmeout,propellingmebackin
myseat,whereIcoweredbesidehim."What
haveyoudone?Whyyoujuststandtherelike
that?Likea...likea...likeasnowman!"
Ibitdownonmylip,prettysurehemeant
tosaystatueandnotsnowman,butIwassocompletelyashamedofmyself,Iwasinnopositionto

correcthim.

"I'msosorry."Ishookmyhead,looked
away."Iguess...IguessIjustfroze.Itfelt
likeIwascaughtinanightmare."
Helookedatme,browsslantingtogether
ashiseyesbulgedbeneaththem."Night-
mare?Nightmare!YouthinkImake
123/299
nightmare?YouthinkIallowthatsortof
darkdream?"
Hewasangry.
No,actuallyitwasfarworsethanthat.
He'dgonefromtestyandred-facedtoabsolutelyfuriousinjustahandfulofseconds.
AndIwassodesperateforhimtounderstand,sodesperateforhimtogetwhatI
meant,thatIsaid,"No!Ididn'tmeanitwas
anightmareforthedreamer--Imeantthatitwasanightmareforme!"
Hestopped.Squinted.Yankedhisnotepad
fromhisbackpocketandflippedthroughthe
scribbled-uppages,studyingthemcarefully
beforelevelinghisgazebackonme.
"Thatgirl--thedreamer--shewasata
schooldance,right?"
Balthazarfrowned.
"Well,asitturnsout,I'veneverbeentoa
schooldance.Imean,I'veseenthemonTV
showsandmoviesandstuff.Evenreadabout
theminbooks.ButI'veneverexperienced
124/299
oneformyself.Wedidn'thaveanyofthose
atmyoldschool.Iguesstheyfiguredwe
weren'tmatureenoughtohandleit."Irolled
myeyes,shookmyhead,butthenquickly
movedon,gotbacktothepoint."Theysaved
thatsortofthingfortheteensinjuniorhigh.
And,asluckwouldhaveit,IdiedrightbeforeIcouldgetthere.WhichiswhyIwasn't
surehowtoact,orhowtoblendin.That's
whyIfrozelikeIdid.Like...likea
snowman."
Balthazarconsidered,grumbledafewforeignphrasesIcouldn'tcomprehend,thenhe
shovedthenotebookbackinhispocket,adjustedhisscarf,andsaid,"YouthinkRussell
Crowewasreallyagladiator?"
Hestaredatme,awaitingmyreply,butI
hadnoideawhattosay.Noideawhohewas
talkingabout,muchlesswhathewasgetting
at.
"YouthinkMarlonBrandowasamember
ofthemob?"Hescoffed,eyesnarrowingto
125/299

slitsasheshookhisroundhead."Youthink
ElizabethTaylorwasthetruequeenofthe
Nile?YouthinkshewastherealCleopatra?"
Ijuststoodthere,feelingdumberbythe
second,asBalthazargrumbledsomemore
foreignphrases,beforehelookedatmeand
said,"Youthink,howdoyousay...?"He
squinted,rubbedhischin."Youthinkthat
this...this...DanielRadcliffe--youthinkhe
ridesabroominreallife?"
Icringed,shouldersslumpingsobadlyI
practicallyshranktohalfmyactualsize.
Suddenlyunderstandingwhathemeantby
allthat,butbeforeIcouldfindareply,he
shouted,"Noneofthosepeoplewerenoneofthosethingsbeforetheyshotthescene!But,oncethey

foundthemselvesthere,theyfelt

theirwaythroughit.Theydeterminedwhat
wasnecessary--whatwascalledfor--whatto
do!Thisiscalledacting,Riley!Andifyouwanttodreamjump,thenyoumustacttoo.
Youmustadjusttothesceneyoufind
126/299
yourselfin,youmustquicklyobserveallthe
actionaroundyou,andthenyoumustdo
whateverittakestofitin...to...toblend...
tobecomeonewiththescene!ThatiswhatIrequireofyou!"
Istraightenedmyshoulders,andliftedmy
head.Igotit.Ireally,trulygotit.Finally,itallmadesense.ItprettymuchmimickedwhatI'dthought

earlier--ifIcouldactit,Icouldbeit.AndsoIwasdeterminedtohandleit,IwasprettydangsurethatI
could.

AllIneededwasanotherchance,thougha
littledirectionwouldn'thurt.
Mygazelevelingonhisinadead-onstare
whenIsaid,"WhileIagreethat'salltrue,it'salsotruethatanotherthingallofthosepeoplehadin

commonwasagooddirector."

Ipaused,waitedformywordstosinkin.
"Everyoneofthoseactorshadagooddirectorwhohelpedtoguidethem--tosteerthem--whohelped

themfindtheirway."

127/299
Balthazarstudiedme,consideredmy
words,choosingtoletmetryonceagain
whenheshouted,"Fine,nowwemoveon.
Scenesix,takeone--action!"

13

Ittookmeatotalofninejumpstonailit.
Ninewholejumpstofinallyperfectthe
landing.
ButeventhoughI'dsucceeded,even

thoughIwasfeelingprettydangproudof
myself,eventhoughwe'djustmovedonto
themostamazingbacklot--thekindwith
fauxcityscapesandstreetscenes--thekind
theyuseinallthebestmovies--accordingto
Balthazar,mysuccesscametoolate.
Closingtimehadarrived.
Or,asBalthazarputit:"Cut!That'sa
wrap!"
Thosefoursimplewordswereallittook
foreverythingtocometoaquickandgrindinghalt.
Istoodthere,Buttercupbesideme,watchingastreamofpeopleallheadinginthe
samedirection--towardtheexit.Andyet,
129/299
despitetheevidencebeforeme,Istillrefusedtobelieveitwasover.Refusedtobelievemybig

opportunityhadendedsoeasily.

Itwasn'tmyfaultittookmesolong--I'd
gottenalatestart!Imean,seriously?Quittingtime?Howcouldthereevenbesucha
thing--itjustdidn'tmakeanysense.
ButbeforeIcouldevenlodgeacomplaint,
Balthazarwasalreadywavinggood-bye,
alreadywalkingaway.
Actingasthoughthetimehe'dspent
coachingmewasoverinmorewaysthan
one.
Actingasthoughhe'dforgottenallabout
me,andmydog,nottomentionmy
backstory.
Hedidn'tevensaygood-bye.Hejust
turnedonhisheelandmovedontowhatever
camenext.
Treatingmydreamjumplikeitwasjust
somedumbTVinfomercial.
130/299
Somelow-budgetmovieheadedstraight
forDVD.

Some

crummy

YouTube

video

that
wouldn'tgetasinglecommentorview.
Someamateurprojecthe'dbeenforcedto
wastehisgreattalenton.
TreatingButtercupandmeasthoughwe
weredisposable.
Andwhenaguywalkedtowarduswiththe
samestylescarfandgoateeasBalthazar
wore,likeitwassomekindofDreamland
director'suniform,Igrabbedholdofhis
sleeveandyankedhardasIsaid,"Iwashopingyoucouldhelpme.Iwasjustaboutto
makemydreamjumpwheneverythingstartedshuttingdownfortheday."
Hesquinted,shookhishead,andpointed
towardthegateawholeswarmofpeople
continuedtopourthrough.
ButIwasn'thavingit.NowaywouldIgive
upsoeasily.I'dworkeddanghardtoperfect
131/299
mylanding,andIwashavingmydream
jumpwhethertheylikeditornot.
"Yeah,well,Igetthatit'squittingtimeand
all."Itriedtosmile,butitfeltprettyfakesoIwasquicktomoveon."Imean,I'djustperfectedthe

landing--Iwasjustabouttojumpforreal,whenBalthazaryelled,'Cut!'and

everythingstopped,and,well,becauseof
thatIstillhaven'tgottenmyjump.Andthe
thingis,I'mready.Iknowexactlywhatto
do,sothisreallyshouldn'ttakeallthatlong.
So,withthatinmind,Iwaswonderinglike,
whathappensnext?Canyousqueezemein
realquick?CanIcomebacktomorrow?And
ifso,doIgettogofirst?"
Helookedatme,hisvoicegruffandhurriedwhenhesaid,"Youcanaddyourname
tothewaitinglist--Balthazarwillgettoyou
whenhecan."Thenheleft.
Icalledafterhim.ToldhimIneededa
littlemoretogoonthanthat.Butitwasno
use.Thewordsneverreachedhim.
132/299
SoIdidtheonlythingIcould,Imotioned
forButtercuptofollowasweheadedforthe
gatetoo.AndeventhoughItriedtosmile
andacthappyforMort'sbenefit,thetruth
was,Ifeltdeflated.Morethanalittlebitdev-astated.Unwillingtobelievemybigchancewasover--

kaput--justlikethat.

"So,how'ditgo?"Mortleaneddowntopet
Buttercup,whohappilysniffedandlickedhis
fingers."Didyoulearnhowtojump?What'd

youthinkofit?Youtalktoyoursister?"
Islunkthroughthegate,managedtoanswerhisquestionsasbestasIcould.Though
myheartwasn'tinit.Andbeforewe'dgotten
toofar,well,that'swhenawholenew
thoughtappeared.
Itwasjustaflash,whichisallIcould
reallyallowsinceIhadnoideahowtoshield
mythoughtsfromeveryoneelse.ButbasicallyIfiguredsinceI'dworkedsohardtosucceed--sinceI'd

doneeverythingthatwas

askedofme--well,IdeservedtogetwhatI
133/299
camefor.Ihadnointentionofleaving,no
intentionofgoinganywhere,untilIgotmy
dreamjump.TherewasnowayI'dlingerat
thebottomofsomewaitinglist--nowayat
all.Thatkindofthingwasn'tworkingforme.
"I..."Itriednottogulp,fidget,orengage
inanyotherkindofnervoushabitthatmight
makeMortandButtercupsuspectareally
bigliewasinprogress."I...uh,Iforgot
something.Iforgotmy..."IalmostsaidI
forgotmysweater,butatthelastsecondIrememberedhowEverforgothersky-bluePineconeLake

CheerleadingCampsweat—

shirtatthecampsitethedaywealldied.
Howmydadturnedthecararoundtogo
backandgetit,andthat'swhenthedeerran
infrontofus,thecarswervedofftheroad,
andtherest,astheysay,ishistory.SoinsteadIjustsaid,"Iforgotmybracelet--my
silvercharmbracelet.Ithinkitfelloff
when--"
134/299
"Soyoumanifestanotherone."Mort's
voicewasalittlebitedgy,maybeeventesty.
Nowthathisdreamjumpwasoverhewas
readytocatchthetrainandmoveon."You
knowhowtodothat,right?Youjustclose
youreyesandenvisionit,and..."
Buttercuplookedatme,headtilted,eyes
wide,asthoughhewastuningintomydevi—
ousmind.
SoIshookmyhead,mumbledsomething
aboutitbeingoneofakind,havingbelonged
tomysister,thatitcouldn'tbereplacedquitesoeasily.ThenItoldMortnottoworryaboutme.Told

Buttercupnottowaitforme.

AssuredthembothI'dbefine,wouldcatch
thenexttrain,orperhapsevenfly.Either
way,I'dfindmywayback.Ihadafewideas

ofwheretostartlooking.Itmighttakea
while,butIwassureIwouldfindit.Noreasontowait.I'dcatchthembothlater.
Then,beforetheycouldstopme,Iran.
RanasfastasIcould.
135/299
Slippingthroughthegatewhentheguard
hadhisbackturned,andmakingmyway
acrosstheconcrete,thegrass,andoverto
theasphalt.

Headingstraightforthesoundstage
withoutoncelookingback.

14

WhileallthesoundstagesI'dvisitedbackontheearthplanewereequippedwiththelatesthigh-tech

securitysystems(Iknewthisfrom

allthetimeIspenthangingoutonmovie
sets,spyingonactorsandstuffbeforeI
crossedthebridgeandmovedHere),inthe
Here&Now,therewasnoneedforthatkindofthing.
Everythingworkedonthehonorsystem.
Foronething,it'snotlikeyoucouldactuallystealanythingwheneverythingthere
wastobehadcouldbeeasilymanifested
again.
Andforanother,incaseyouhadn't
alreadyguessed,theHere&Nowreallyisn'tthekindofplacewhereyoufindalotofcriminal

activity.

PeopleHeremostlydotherightthing.
Theywanttolearnandgrowandimprove.
137/299
Theywanttoglowbrightersotheycan
moveupasmanylevelsaspossible.
Whichiswhyitwassoeasyformeto
sneakmywaybackinside.
ButwhichisalsowhyIfeltsoterribly
guiltyabouthavingdonesosuccessfully.
Still,theguiltyfeelingdidn'tlastallthat
long.Ihadadreamjumptogetto.Ihadno
timeforshame.
Ineededtokeepmoving.Ineededtofind
awaytobethirteen.Itcouldn'twaitany
longer--theneedwastoogreat.
Iheadedtowardthesoundstage,figuring
I'dreenacteverythingBalthazarhadtaught
me.I'dgosilent,goquiet,tuneintoEver's
energypattern,herimprint,andtakeitfromthere.
MaybeIwouldn'thaveaccesstoallthe
stuntpeopleandmakeupartists,andcos—
tumers,andprops,andallthat--butthere
wasalsonothingwrongwithkeepingit
simple.
138/299
Short,sweet,andsimple--itwouldgetthe
jobdone.
I'dspendalittletimewithmysister,get
somegoodtips,thenfindmywayout.
Easy-peasy.
Ibrightenedattheidea.Itfeltgoodto

haveaplan.Oratleastthat'swhatIthought
upuntilitwentblack.
AndImeanblack.
Like,nolights,noglow,nonothingkindof
black.
EventhoughIhadn'tbeenintheHere&
Nowallthatlong,thatwasthefirsttimeI'd
everexperiencedsomethinglikethat.
Icouldn'trememberiteveroncegetting
dark.Everywhereyouwenttherewaslightto
befound.Alwayssortofradiatingwitha
soft,goldeny,glisteningglow.AndthoughI
couldneverspotthesource,itwasconstant,
luminous,makingitseemasthoughtheentireplacewaslitfromwithin.
139/299
Unless,ofcourse,youwantedtomanifest
snow,orrain,orwind,orsomeothertypeof
foulweather(believeitornot,somepeople
actuallymissedthatkindofthing)--buteven
thenitwasrelegatedtoasmall,selectedareathatwaseasyenoughtoavoidwhileitplayeditselfout

orthepersongrewboredofit,

whichevercamefirst.Andinnotimeatall,
everythingreturnedtothatsoft,beautiful
glowonceagain.
Butthekindofall-encompassing,opaque,
inkydarkIfoundmyselfin,wellitwasthe
sortofthingIhadn'tseensinceourfamily
campingtripsbackontheearthplane.And
eventhen,westillhadthemoon.Westill
hadthestarstoshinedownuponus.
ButinDreamlandtherewasnothinglike
that.AndwhenItriedtomanifestaflashlight,andthenawholearmfulofflashlights,
itbarelymadeadentintheheavycanopyof
blackvelvetsky.
140/299
Ishouldprobablyadmitrightnow,that
thatwasprettymuchthemomentwhenI
startedtohavesecondthoughts.I'dnever
beenafanofthedark--especiallythepitch-blackkindofdark--thekindofdarkthat
can'tbeeasilycured.
Istartedtoleave,wasmorethanwillingto
cutmylossesandvamanosmyselfrightoutofthere.Thenightfeltsothreatening,soominous,thatthe

ideaoflingeringona

reallylongwaitinglistwasstartingtolook
prettygood.
ButjustbecauseIwaswillingtoleave
doesn'tmeanIwasable.WhenIliftedmy

ownhandbeforeme,helditbeforemyeyes
andwiggledmyfingers,well,Icouldn'teven
seeit.ItwasasthoughI'dlostallmydigits.
WithnowayofknowingwhetherornotI
washeadedintherightdirection,Iresorted
tobabysteps.Small,timid,babysteps.All
thewhilecursingmyselfforsendingButtercupoffonhisown,fortellingMortIcould
141/299
handleitfine.Pickingupthepacewhenthe
panicstartedtomount,andregrettingthe
decisionthemomentIcrashedstraightinto
awall.CrashedsohardIwassureI'djust
mademysemi-stubbynoseevenstubbier.
Istoodthere,palmspressedtomyface,
myentirebodyshakingasIchokedbackthe
tears.Stealingamomenttogivemyselfa
verysterntalking-to,remindingmyselfthat
fearwasforsissies,panicledtonogood,andcryingwasanindulgenceIcouldnotafford.
Repeatingitagainandagainuntilitstartedtofeelreal--untilIstartedtobelieve.
Andthat'swhenIsawit.
Thetiniest,briefestflickeroflight.
Itwasquick.
Fleeting.
Hereandgoneinaninstant.
Still,itwasenoughtoconvincemetowait
patiently,silently--hopingwithallofmy
mightthatI'dseeitagain.
142/299
Thesecondtimewasasbriefasthefirst,
butitwasenoughtogetmemoving--enough
toconvincemetotakeonemorebabystep
towardthesource.Stoppingeachtimeit
wentdark,thentakinganotherstepforward
whenthatquickbeamoflightpierced
through,thenstoppingtheseconditwent
blackonceagain.
ItfeltlikeforeverbeforeIreachedit.
ThoughbythatpointIwasjustgladtohave
madeit,eventhoughIhadnoideawhereI
mightbe.
Istoodoutsidethebuilding,ranmyhand
alongthecoarse,roughwall,prettysureit
wasn'toneoftheonesI'dalreadyvisited--overcomewiththesinking,dreaded
feelingthatitjustmightbethebuildingI'd
glimpsedearlier.
Theonethatlookedold.
Run-down.

Forgotten,abandoned,andlefttorotina
waythatshould'vebeencondemned.
143/299
Andwhenthelightflashedagain,Isaw
whereitcamefrom.Sawthewayitslipped
throughthecracksofanold,boarded-up
spacethatprobablyonceheldadoor.
Iedgedtowardit,smooshedmycheeks
againstthesplinteryslats,andpeeredin.
StartledtofindakidIguessedtobeabout
myage--aboywithhairsoblonditwaspracticallywhite,andskinsopaleitblendedintothehair.

Andwhenheturned,whenhelookedinmydirectionandhisgazesettled

onmine,Isawthathiseyesweresodeep
andbluetheyremindedmeofCalifornia
swimmingpools.
Withtheblondhair,blueeyes,andpasty
paleskin,hewasn'tallthatdifferentfrom
me--andyet,hisfeaturesseemedsoexagger—
ated,sostartlingandunexpected,Icouldn't
decideifhelookedlikeanangel...
Ormorelikeitsopposite.
Ifroze,unsurewhattodo.ButbeforeI
coulddomuchofanything,he'dalready
144/299
jumpedfromhischair,alreadymovedtothe
placewhereIstood.
Acoupleofdistressedpiecesofwoodthe
onlythingsstandingbetweenus,ashe
placedhishandsonhishipsandsaid,
"You'renotsupposedtobehere."Hisvoice
wasmuchhigherthanIwould'veexpected,
butdeadlyseriousnonetheless.
Inodded.Therewasnousedenyingwhat
webothknewwastrue.
"Noone'ssupposedtobehereafter
closing."
Ishrugged,foldedmyarmsacrossmy
chest,andpeeredpasthisshoulder.Trying
tothinkofsomethingtosaythatmightget
himtolightenup,letmehangaroundfora
bit,atleastuntilthedarknesswentaway.
ButthesecondImethiseyes,Iknewthose
wordswouldnevercome.Therewas
somethingveryoddabouthim,somethingI
couldn'tquiteputmyfingeron.
145/299
"Usuallythedarkdoesthetrick.It's

enoughtokeepallthestragglersaway.That's
thewholepoint,youknow.That'swhyit
happens.Andyet,hereyouare."
Ibitdownonmylip,didmybesttohold
ontohisgaze.
"Iguessyoudon'tscareeasily,then?"
Isquaredmyshoulders,recognizinga
challengewhenIheardone.Clearlyhehad
noideajustwhohewasdealingwith,and
maybeitwastimethatItoldhim--heck,
maybeIshouldevenshowhim.
Bigbadghostsweremyspecialty.I'd
alreadydealtwithquiteafew.FromwhatI
knew,thereallybadoneswerealllingering
downontheearthplane,sohowbadcould
thisblondkidbeifhewashangingoutHere,
insomeold,abandonedsoundstage?
Iwastemptedtorollmyeyes,butImade
myselfrefrain.Figuringatbest,hewasjust
somesillywannabe--atworst,heactually
thoughthecouldscareme.
146/299
Puh-leese.
"Yeah,Igetit."Helookedmeovercarefully."Fearisforsissies,right?"
Ilookedathimandshookmyhead.I'd
beensodistractedbymyownthoughts,I
wasn'tsureifI'dheardhimright.
"What?"Isquinted,takinghimin,orat
leastwhattheslatsallowedmetosee.Not
gettingmuchmorethanaglimpseofacrisp,
whiteshirtthatwaswornwiththekindof
pants,belt,andshoesmydadusedtowear
forimportantmeetingsatwork.Shakingmy
headyetagainathowsomeoftheseghosts
continuedtodressdespitethefactthatthey
couldmanifestwhatevertheywanted.
Buthejustsmiled,removedafewslats,
andwavedmerightin.Motioningformeto
crouchlowsoIwouldn'thitmyhead,then
hereplacedthoseslatsagain."Iaskedifyou
werehereaboutadream,"hesaid.
Istoodbeforehim,prettysurethat'snotat
allwhathe'dsaid.Butthinkinghemightbe
147/299
abletohelp,thatifIplayeditjustright,thenImightstillgetwhatIcamefor,Idecidedtoletthatone

go.

"Youknow,cometothinkofit..."He

paused,hisgringrowingwider."Icoulduse
alittlehelparoundhere.So,howaboutyou
helpmewithmydreamjump,andthenI'll
helpyouwithyours.Deal?"
Heextendedhishand,waitingformeto
shakeit.
SoIdid.
Iignoredmybetterinstinctsandclaspedit
inmine.

15

HetoldmehisnamewasSatchel.
SatchelAlexanderBlaiseIII.
AndIstoodrightbeforehim,listeningto
himreciteit,completelyimpressed.
Thenamesoundedweighty.Important.
Likehemightdescendfromroyaltyor
something.
ButSatcheljustshrugged.Assuredmeit
wasjustanamethat'dbeenpasseddownin
thefamilyuntilitwashisturntowearit,notsodifferentfromahand-me-downshirt.
Assuredmethatitdidn'tmeanmuchof
anything,soIshouldn'tattachtoomuch
meaningtoit.
Therewereotherthingsthatmattered
more.
"Muchmore,"hesaid.
"Yeah,likewhat?"Mygazeporedover
him,hopingtheanswermighthelpmegetto
149/299
knowhimalittlebetter,mightprovethat
therewasnothingtobeafraidof,thathewas
reallynodifferentfromme.
Hopingthatitmightridmeofthecreepy,
naggingfeelingthathadstirredupinsideme
eversinceImademywayinandgraspedhis
handinmine.
Buthejustshruggedagain,saying,"We'll
gettothatlater.First,Ineedhelpwiththisdream."
Heledmedeeperintotheroom,andfinallyIsawwherethatstrangeandflickering
lighthadoriginated.Hehadsomeantique
projectorriggedupinthebackthatpointed
towardabig,stainedoldscreen--itscorners
allyellowedandcurled,withaseriesofrips
andtearsthatcreptalongthebottomseam.
"What'sthis?"Iasked,thinkingthisroom
wassomuchsmallerthantheoneI'ddone
mypracticejumpsin,andwonderingwhyhe

wasusingsuchold,outdatedequipment
150/299
whentherewasshiny,new,modernstuffto
behad,ifnotmanifested.
"Newisnotalwaysbetter."Heglancedat
me,fiddledwiththecuffsofhissleeves.
"Thisworksjustaswell,andbesides,it's
authentic."
Istoppedrightthere,refusingtotakeanotherstepcloser."Authentictowhat,exactly?"Myhandonmy

hip,mylipsscrewedtotheside,needingabitmoretogoon.

Hehuffed,pattedhishairwiththepalmof
hishand--smoothingahaircutthatwasn't
justtotallyandcompletelyoutdated,butthat
alsolookedasthoughitwaswhippedinto
obediencewithsuperglueandspit.
"AuthentictoDreamland,"hesaid."This,
allthatyouseebeforeyou,it'salloftheoriginalequipment.It'swhattheyusedtousebefore..."He

paused,then,shakinghishead,

decidedtoleaveitrightthere.
ThoughIwasn'tabouttolethimoffso
easily.Ifheneededhelp,thenIneeded
151/299
answers,despitewhateverdealwemayhave
struckjustafewmomentsearlier.
Inarrowedmyeyes,fixedhimwithmy
mostserious,stonieststare.Watchingashe
sighed,threwhisarmsintheair,andsaid,
"Thisisthestufftheyusedtousebeforethingschangedaroundhere.Thisisalltheoriginalequipment

that..."

Andthat'swhenIknew.Knewitbefore
thewordslefthislips.
Hiseyeslockedonmineasheconfirmed
thethoughtinmyhead.
"Thisisthestuffthedreamweaversused
backintheday."
Dreamweaving.
Accordingtothegateguard,Mort,and
mostdefinitelyBalthazar,dreamweaving
wasnotdoneinthesepartsanymore.Heck,
I'dgottenamajorcaseofthestink-eyejust
formakinganaccidentalmentionofit.
IlookedatSatchel,myeyesgrowingwide.
Buthejustsmiled,hisfaceradiant,almost
152/299
angelic,whenhesaid,"Trustme,onceyou
weaveadream,you'llneverwanttodream
jumpagain."

16

"Thesecrettodreamweavingistokeeptheingredientsasorganicaspossible.Itneedstocomeoffas

realandauthentic,otherwisethedreamerwillwakeandthemessagewillfail.

Withdreamweavingyouhavetomakeit
seemlikesomethingthedreamerwould've
comeupwithbythemselves--something
they'dneverevenguesswasnottheirown
creation.Dreamweavingisallaboutleaving
abigimpression.It'sallabouttheimpact
youmake."
Inodded,committinghiswordsto
memory,wonderingifIshouldmaybemanifestmyselfasmallnotebooksoIcould
scribbleitdown,justlikeBalthazarhaddone
withmybackstory.
"Don'tgetmewrong,"Satchelsaid,noddingatme."Youcanuseallthemonsters,
dragons,
witches,
warlocks,
fairies,
154/299
werewolves--whateverfantasycreaturesyou
like--aslongasit'srealtothedreamer--aslongasit'spartoftheirexperience,partoftheirworld.As

longasit'ssomethingthey

eithersecretly,ornotsosecretly,believein.
Ifit'srealtothem,thenit'sfairgame.It'sallaboutknowingthedreamer.Knowingwhattheycare

about...whattheydesire...whattheyfear.Or,inmanycases,whattheyoverlook."

Isquinted,wonderinghowhecouldpossiblyknowallofthis.ButjustassoonasI'dcompletedthe

thought,hesmiledandsaid,"IstudiedunderBalthazar."

Igasped,wonderinghowthatcouldpossiblybewhenIfiguredhimforthesameage
asme.Andthenithitme--maybehewasthesameageasme.
Maybehehadbeenthesameageasmefor
averylongtime.
Maybetherewasnowaytogrowand
mature.
155/299
MaybeBodhihadliedaboutallthatinan
attempttogetmetoshutupandstopcomplainingaboutbeingeternallytwelve.
Maybewereallywerestuck.
MaybeI'dliveHereforinfinityandnoth-
ingaboutmewouldchange!
"Iwashisnumber-oneintern,"Satchel
said,invadingmythoughts,butIwashappy
tolethim,theywereputtingmeintoaseriousmentaltailspin."Iwasthebestassistant
directorDreamlandeversaw..."
"Andthen?"Igulped,eagertohearwhat
camenext.
Heshrugged,pattedhishair,agesture

he'ddonetwiceintheshorttimeI'dknown
him,andIwonderedifitwashisownpersonalnervoustell.
"Andthen..."Hepaused,tuggedatthe
cuffsonhisshirt(anothertell?),tookway
toomuchtimeinspectinghissleeve,pretendingtoremoveanonexistentpieceoflint.
"Andthen,wehadadisagreement."He
156/299
shrugged."Asortof...fallingout,ifyouwill.

And

now

Balthazar

does

what

he
does--dreamjumps--andIdowhatI
do--dreamweaving.Trustme,Riley,mywayisbetter.You'reluckyyoufoundyourwayhere.

Balthazarhastalent,there'snodoubt

aboutthat.Butwhathelacksisvision.Andwhetheryou'redirectingadream,oramovie,orevena

playyouputonforyouparentsandyourdoginyourgarage..."

Helookedrightatme,andIwondered
howhecouldpossiblyknowaboutthat,how
hecouldpossiblyknowaboutEver'sandmy
RainyDayProductions--that'swhatwe
calledourtheatercompany,weevenmade
brochurestogowithit.Butthenhejust
smiledagain,andIbegantorelax,figuring
lotsofkidsdidstufflikethat.Itwasaneasyguessonhispart.
"Anyway,"hecontinued,reclaimingmyattention."Nomatterwhatsortofproduction
you'redirecting,visioniseverything."
157/299
Ilookedathim,rememberinghow
Balthazarhadclaimedthattheimprintwaseverything,andthatthelandingcameaclosesecond.

Clearlytheyworkedfromtwoverydifferentperspectives.

"WhatBalthazardoesisnice,don'tgetme
wrong,"Satchelcontinued."Anditdefinitely
servesapurpose,there'snodoubt.But,as
you'reabouttosee,there'sjustnocomparis—
on.Hisstuff...well,it'salittleschmaltzy.Alittle...sappy.Toomanyrainbowsandsmilingpuppies

forsure.Hisstuffisdrippingwithsugar,andspice,andeverythingnice.

Overlysentimentalinthemostobviousway."
Hegrimaced,makingclearhisdisapproval,
hisdistaste."It'snotnearasimportantastheworkIdohere.Thesameworkyou'llsoonbedoinghere

too.WhatIdochangeslives,Riley.Afteroneofmydreamweaves...well,

let'sjustsaythatthedreamer'slifeisneverquitethesame.Theybegintoseetheirplaceintheworld

inawholenewway."

158/299
Ilookedathim,wonderingifBalthazar
knewhewashere,wonderingifanyoneknew
hewashere.
"So,whatdoyousaywegetstarted?"he
said,notallowingmeenoughtimetoreply
beforeheadded,"Oh,andjustsoyouknow,
thereisnodreamjumpinghere.There'sno
needforit.WhatIdocoverseverything."
"So,howdoyoudoit?"Iasked,moreintriguedthananything.Followingthecurveof
hisarm,allthewaydowntothetipofhis
slim,palefingerashepointedtowardadark,
emptystagewiththestainedscreenrightbehindit.
"Forstarters,youneedtoheadoverthere.
Standrightonyourmark.You'llseeitwhen

yougetthere.AndthenI'llstarttheprojector,andyoujustsortof...gowithit.Rememberhowyou

didwiththedreamjump?Well,

thatpart'sthesame.Youjustkeeponacting
nomatterwhat.YoustayincharacteruntilI
tellyoutostop.Deal?"Helookedatme,
159/299
lookeddirectlyintomyeyes,andallIcould
dowasnodinreply.
Thatwasthesecondtimehe'dusedthe
word"deal."AndwhileIlikeditevenless
thanthefirsttime,forsomereason,Ididn't
hesitatetodowhathesaid.It'sasthoughhisgazealonewascompellingmeforward.LikeInolonger

controlledmyownwill.Butwhat

wasevenstrangeristhatIdidn'tseemto
care.Ionlywantedtopleasehim,togeta
goodreview.
"Likethis?"Iasked,myvoicetoohigh,my
smiletoobright."Isthistherightspot?"
Knowingitwas.TheXwasclearlymarked.
Andyet,Icouldn'thelpbutseekhisapproval,evenifittookalittlebeggingonmypart.
Henodded,facesquinchedindeepconcentrationashepeeredbetweentheview—
finderandme,saying,"Nowremember,it's
likeBalthazartaughtyou.Justgowiththe
sceneyoufindyourselfin.Adaptandblend
in,nomatterwhatIputbeforeyou,no
160/299
matterwhatthesituation.Justdowhatever
ittakestomakesurethedreamerstaysinthe
scenetoo.Thelastthingwewantisforthem
towakeupbeforethedreamiscomplete.
There'saveryimportantmessageattached,I
don'tjustmakethisstuffupformyownentertainment,youknow.But,it'simperative
theyexperiencethewhole,entiredream.It'simperativethattheydon'twakeprematurely.
Otherwise,themessagewillbelost."
Inodded,staringatmyfeet,makingsure
theydidn'tstrayfromthemark.Thenmy
eyesflickedtowardthescreenandIfocused
ashardasIcould.Bodyonedge,senseson
highalert,waitingforanimagetoappear,
waitingformycuetobegin.
ThefirstthingIheardwastheoddclick
andwhirasthefilmreelcircled.Thenthe
screenwentpitch-black,butonlyfora
secondbeforeitlitupagain,bearinganimageofanoldIndianwearingaheaddress
perchedaboveaseriesofcirclescontaininga
161/299
bunchofseeminglyrandomnumbers.I

squinted,tryingtothinkofwhereI'dlast
seenthat,andthenIremembered,itwasan
oldTVtestpattern.Backontheearthplane,
myfriendEmily'sbrotherhadaT-shirtwith
theexactsamepictureonit.
Andthen,justlikethat,thenextthingIknewthescreenlitupwiththemostspectacularthunderand

lightningshow,andIstoodthereinawe,happytowatch,andfeeling

prettythankfulitremainedonthescreen,
thatitwasn'tactuallyrainingonme.
Thoughunfortunately,thethoughtcame
toosoon,andthenextthingIknewitwas
rainingforreal.Liketakingaridethrough
thecarwashinaconvertiblewiththetopleftdown,atorrentialdownpourcompletelydrenchedme.
Whenthelightsupabovestartedtosizzle
andcrack,theirbulbspoppingandflaringas
thoughtheymightelectrocuteme,Itookto
thegroundandduckedmyheadlow.Doing
162/299
whatIcouldtoshieldmyselfwithmyhands
bygraspingthemtightlyovermyhead,silentlyrecitingthefactsasIknewthem:The
Here&Nowdidn'trunonelectricity--itwasjustsomekindofspecialeffect--partofthedream

Satchelwasweaving--therewasno

wayanyofitcouldharmme.
Ipeeredtowardhim,knowingbetterthan
tolookatthecamera,muchlessatthedirector,whileinthemiddleofshootinga
scene,unless,ofcourse,youweredirected
to.ButstillIglancedhisway,squinting
throughsteadyribbonsofwaterraining
downallaroundme,hopingforalittledirection,alittleapproval--lookingforsomein—
dicationofwherethisscenemightbeheading,andjusthowlongI'dberequiredtoput
upwiththis--butnotgettingmuchof
anything.
Satchelwasabsorbed.Havingmovedaway
fromtheprojector,he'dperchedhimselfbehindabig,old-timeycomputerwherehe
163/299
punchedfuriouslyonitskeyboard.Nolonger
takingnoticeofme--hislackofattentionleft
mefeelingreallysadandempty.
Iwantedhimtonotice,toapproveofmy
acting,toapplaudmyhardwork.Iwanted
himtocastmeinallofhisfutureproduc—
tions,givemethestarringrole.Ireally,
really,reallywantedhimtobeproudofme.
Though,Ihadnoideawhy.
Mymindbegantoponder,wonderingwhy
someweirdkid'sapprovalwasworthgetting
drenchedover.AndjustasIbegantograb

holdofmyself,questioningwhyIwasstay—
ing,ifImightnotbebetteroffleaving,I
heardpanting.
Heavy,frantic,gruntingandpanting.
ThenasecondlaterIrealizeditcamefrom
thegirlrunningtowardme.
Thegirlrunningtowardmewiththefilthy,
ripped-upclothes,stringy,wethair,andterrifiedface.
164/299
Istartedtoshout.DecidedI'dplaythepart
ofaGoodSamaritan--oraheroeven.Istartedtotellhernottoworry,thatIwasthere
tohelp.ButthesecondIopenedmymouth,
thewordsallbackedupinmythroat.
Sticking.
Clogging.
Likeadrainalljammedupwithgunk.
Mytoesweresinking.TheshoesIonce
worewerenomore.Everythinghadchanged.
Every.Single.Thing.
Iwasnolongerstandingonastage.The
blackpaintedwoodthathad,justamoment
before,beensupportingme,hadturnedinto
somethingverydifferent--somethingIonce
sawinareallyoldmovie.
Sandy,soggy,andswampy--Iimmediately
recognizeditasquicksand.AndIknewifI
didn'tmovefast,innotimeatallitwould
swallowmewhole.
Withthescreamstilllodgedinmythroat,I
didmybesttorun.Buteverystepforward
165/299
wasauselessendeavor.Thesandwastoo
quick,toodeep.Itwasdraggingme
down--suckingmein,forcingitswayupto
mynoseandintomymouth.
ButifIthoughtIhaditbad,well,thatwas
nothingcomparedtothegirl.Notonlywas
shesinkinguptoherneck,butawholeteam
ofalligatorshadappearedoutofnowhere.
Theirpowerful,crunchingjawsyawning
openandsnappingshutasthoughitwasa
warm-up,asthoughtheywerepreparingto
devourher.
Ifreedmyhandofthemuckandlurched
towardher.Urginghertoleantowardme,to
takeholdifshecould.Itriedtosmile,triedtonodinencouragement,togiveherareasontofight,to

notgiveupuntilwe'dex-haustedeverylastresource.Watchingasshethrustherbodytowardmine,the

alligators

charging,snapping,chompingonair,hoping
tosoonreplaceitwithpiecesofher.
166/299
Andthen,justwhenshewasnear,just
whenourfingersmetandshe'dgrabbed
aholdofme,asearinghotflametorethrough
herflesh,givingmenochoicebuttoletgo.
Icouldn'thelpit--itjustsortof
happened--itwasareflex--itwasn'tmy
fault!AndwhenItriedtoreachheragain,it
wastoolate.
Shewasgone.
Thegatorshadclaimedher.
Mythroatcleared.Thescream,finallyun—
corked,rangoutallarounduntilIgrew
hoarseanditplayeditselfout.AndIwasjustabouttorenewit,hopingsomeonewouldhearme,help

me,whenIopenedmyeyes

andsaweverythinghadchangedonceagain.
Therainhadstopped.
Thequicksandwasgone.
AndIfoundmyselfstandingonapatchof
freshlymowngrass,gettingridiculedloudly
byasmallgroupofteensforhavingjust
screamedmyheadoff.
167/299
Ishrankback,shrankbackintomyself,intotheshadowssotheycouldnolongersee
me,thoughIcouldseethem.Takingaquick
lookaround,IdidwhatIcouldtoassessthe
newsituationIfoundmyselfin.RememberingwhatSatchelhadsaid,thatnomatter
whathappened,Ihadtostickwithit,itwas
theonlywaythemessagecouldbesent.
Iwasinapark.Aparkafterdark,which
meantthelittlekidshadalreadyvacated,
werealreadyathome,safelytuckedinto
theirbeds,whileagangofunrulyteenagers
tookover,litteringthesandboxwithcigar—
ettebutts,andmakingrudedrawingsallover
theslide.
ThekindofteensIneverwantedtobe--alwaysdidmybesttoavoid--takinggreat
painstokeepawidedistancebetweenus
wheneverI'dseethemlurkinginmyold
neighborhoodonmywayhomefromschool.
168/299
Thekindofteensthatmadetrouble,
listenedtonoone,"flauntedauthority,"as
mymomwould'vesaid.

Thekindofteensthatprettymuch
wreckeditforalloftheothers.
AndeventhoughIknewitwasmyjobto
findawaytofitin,toblend,allIreally
wantedwastositthisoneout.
Icoweredinthedark,huddledupnextto
thebathrooms,hopingthatunfortunate
screamofminewasenoughtoscarethem
off.
Forawhileanyway,itworked.
Untilthebigfour-wheel-drivewithno
driverflippedonitsbrightsandtriedtomow
usalldown.
Iran.
Wealldid.
Thoughwedidn'tgetveryfar.Unlikethe
lastdream,inthisone,myfeetdidn'tso
muchsinkasstick.Thefreshlymowedgrass
turningintoagoopy,green,supergluedmess
169/299
thatheldfasttothebottomsofourshoes,refusingtoreleaseus,refusingtofreeus.Eventheones

who'dsteppedoutoftheirshoeswerenobetteroff--they'dmerelyreplaced

thesolesoftheirshoeswiththesolesoftheirfeet.
AllIcoulddo,allanyofuscoulddo,was
starehelplesslyintothetruck'sheadlightsasitranusalldown.
Atthemomentofimpact,therewasan
amazingflashofbrightlight,andthenext
thingIknew,IwasinParis,acityI'dalwayswantedtovisit.Butinsteadofsightseeingandridingthe

elevatortothetopoftheEiffelTower,IwasdrowningintheRiverSeinealongwithagroupofloitering
teenagers.

Then,thenextthingIknew,Iwasin
Brazil,onlyinsteadofspendinganiceday
bakinginthesun,Iwasbeingroastedfor
real--ayounggirl,twoboys,andmegoing
upinflamesonaRiodeJaneirobeach.
170/299
Isufferedthroughnightmaresinallofthe
mostexoticplaces.PlacesI'dalwayswanted
tovisit.ThenjustasIbeganlongingfor
home,mywishwasgranted.Ifoundmyself
inschool--myoldschool--standinginfront
ofmyoldclass.AndwhenIgazeddownat
myself,wonderingwhattheywereallpointingandlaughingabout,well,that'swhenI
realizedI'dforgottentodress.
Ifroze,figuringI'ddierightthereonthe
spotofcompletemortification--butthena
secondlaterIfoundmyselfwearingacute

purpledressIdefinitelyapprovedof,while
sittingatadeskinthatverysameclass.Concentratinghardonthepaperbefore
me--partofaveryimportant,grade-making
test--unabletoread,muchlessanswer,even
onesinglequestion,allofthewordsswimmingbeforemeinabig,foggyblur.
Iraisedmyhand,abouttoaskifIcould
getanewtest,explainthattherewas
somethingwrongwiththeonethatI
171/299
had--whenIsawthatmyteacherworethe
faceofaclown,andthebodyofablackwid—
owspider.Hereightlegsandarmstrapping
meinherweb,gazinguponmeasthoughI
wasdinner.
Iscreamed.
Irailed.
IfoughtashardasIcould--butitdidn'tdo
theslightestbitofgood.
Iwasdevouredbyinsects.
Iwasburiedalive.
Iwaschasedbyknife-wieldingzombies
whosnackedonmybrains.
Everyscenewasdifferent--but,intheend,
itwasallthesamething.Everytimeanightmareended,anewonejumpedintoitsplace.
Itwasoneassaultafteranother--oneterrifyingexperiencequicklyfollowedbythenext.
Somewerenormalfears--somewereoutrageous--butallofthempenetratedtothe
deepestpartofme.
172/299
I'ddiedonceinreallife--butaslongasI
wasuponthatstage,I'ddiemanymore
times,inmuchworseways.
Andtheworstpartwas,therewasnothing
Icoulddotostopit.NothingIcoulddoto
makeitgoaway.
AllIcoulddowasgowithit.
Blendin.
Actmylittleheartoutandletthedreamer
decidewhentosaywhen.
Socompletelyterrifiedbythecircum—
stances,ittookmeawhiletorealizethere
wasnoactualdreamer.
Thelastfivesceneshadstarredonlyme.
ButnomatterhowhardIscreamed--no
matterhowhardIfoughttobreakcharacter,
to"wakeup"--nomatterhowmuchIrisked
Satchel'sgoodopinionofme--itdidn'tdo
theleastbitofgood.

Thenightmarescontinuedtoloop.
Theprojectorcontinuedtowhir.
173/299
AndeachnewsceneIwasthrustintowas
farworsethantheonethatwentbefore.
Iwastrapped.
Stuckinaneternaldance.
Livingthenever-endingstoryofallthe
worstnightmaresknowntoman.

17

WhateverholdSatchelhadheldovermewaslonggone.He'dgottenexactlywhathewanted--

controllingmewasnolonger

necessary.
Iwasstranded.
Alone.
Trappedinthewebofhishorrifying
dreamweave.Theironybeingthatwithmy
freewillfullyrestored,Ihadnowaytoexer—
ciseit.Nowaytoreleasemyself.
Iwasaprisoner.Completelydependenton
whatevershredofmercySatchelmight've
had.ThoughIknew,waydowninthedeepestpartofme,thatanyhopeofmercywas
futile.
TheplacewhereSatchel'smercymight've
livedwasasbleakastheplaceI'dfoundmyselfin.
175/299
ThoughtherewasnodenyingIalonewas
toblame.
I'dignoredmybetterinstincts--just
pushedthemasidesoIcouldgoaftermy
ownselfishpursuits.Unwillingtoplaybythe
rules,unwillingtowaitformyturn,I'd
shunnedeverythingI'dbeentoldandranfull
speedaheadtowardmyowngoals,myown
plans,determinedtodoitmyownway.And
I'msadtoadmititwasn'tthefirsttimeI'd
donesuchathing.
Farfromit.
Whilemyonlyrealgoalhadbeentofinda
quickandeasywaytoprogressmyselfinto
beingthirteen--intheend,theonlythingI'd
accomplishedwasturningmyselfintothe
opposite--ascaredlittlekid.
FromthemomentI'dtakenSatchel's
hand--fromthemomentmypalmpressed
againsthis,I'dnotonlysealedourdeal--but
alsomyfate.

176/299
Withoutevenknowingit,I'dallowed
Satcheltotakechargeofmydestiny.
Thebaddreamscontinued,anditwasn't
longbeforeIfoundmyselfcaughtintheall—
too-familiar"fallingnightmare"--tumbling
throughadeep,darkabyss--bodyflailing,
spiralingthroughaninfinitepoolofbottom—
lessblackness.AndIcouldn'tdecidewhich
wasworse--myhavingtriedsohardto
pleasehim,togarnerhisapproval,asI'd
donefromthestart--ormyhavingtofacethe
suddenrealizationthatIwasstuck--undeniablyawareofthebigbadmessI'dputmyself
in.
Ishutmyeyes,foldedmyarmsacrossmy
chest,andvowedtostopfighting--tojustallowittohappennomatterwhatcamemy
way.InmyjobasaSoulCatcherI'ddealt
withmenacingghostboysbefore,andIknew
thekindofscaredy-catbehaviorI'dbeendisplayingonlymadethingsworse--onlyfueled
theirfun.
177/299
Forwhateverreason,Satchel,justlikethe
othersbeforehim,gotsomekindofsick
thrillbyscaringpeople--anyoneandeveryonefromthosepoor,vulnerablesleepersto
me.
Fear.
That'swhatthiswholethingwasabout.
Satchelwasdrivenbyfear,andhewasdeterminedtomakemefearfultoo.
Thebestwaytoendit,thebestwaytosuck
thewindrightoutofhissails,wastorefuse
totakepart.Ijusthopeditwouldn'ttaketoolongforhimtoborewithhisgame.
Istucktomyguns--nomatterwhatsortof
monsterhechosetomenacemewith--Ijust
keptmyeyesclosed,keptmyarmsfolded,
andrefusedtotakepart.And,afterawhile,
afteralongwhile,muchlongerthanI'dhopedfor,hestopped.

He

stopped

the
projector,

stopped
everything,untilIfoundmyselfaloneonthe
stage,strangelyenoughstillrightonmy
178/299
mark,ashestoodbeforeme,adark,ominousglaretakingoverhisface.
Andwhenheflippedontheoverhead
lights,well,that'swhenIsawit.
That'swhenIwasfinallyabletopinpoint
justexactlywhatitwasIfoundsoweird
abouthim.
Hehadnoglow.
Noglowatall.
Infact,notonlywashisglowmissing--it
wasmuchworsethanthat.
Thespaceallaroundhim,theplacewhere
theglowshould'vebeen,wasacompleteabsenceoflight--resultinginamurky,dark
hazethathoveredaroundhim.
Icoiledbackinfear.Thenseeingtheway
thatmurky,darkhazebegantoexpandand
flareasaresult,Igrabbedaholdofmyself.
Myfearwasexactlywhatdrovehim.AndifI
wantedtogetthroughthis,I'dhavetorefuse
toreacttowhatevercamenext--justlikeI'd
179/299
donewiththelastseveralnightmaresI'd
beencastin.
Iclutchedmyhandsonmyhips,lookedat
him,andsaid,"So,Satchel,what'syourdeal?
What'swithallthenightmares?Thishow
yougetyourkicks--scaringthebeejeemums
outofinnocent,sleepingkids?"
Heglaredatme,blueeyesraging."You
thinkyouknoweverything!"heshouted.
"Youthinkyou'resooosmart,don'tyou?"
Istartedtorespond,startedtodenyitwas
true,butthefactis,itwasn'tthefirsttimeI'dbeenaccusedofthat.Bodhihadsaidprettymuchthe

exactsamething--onmorethan

oneoccasion.SoIjuststoodsilentlybefore
him,decidingtoletSatchelfinishhisrant
withnointerruptionfromme.
"Youdon'tgetit.Youdon'tgetitatall!
Nobodydoes.Butthat'sneithermyproblem
normyfault."Hedughishandsdeepintohis
pockets,pacingincirclesuntilhestopped
andfacedmeagain."Iwasdoinggoodwork.
180/299
Iwasreallychanginglives.Makingahuge

differenceinthewaypeoplehandledthemselves,andthedecisionstheymade.Butthen
..."Hepaused,grimaced,rubbedapalmover
hisspit-shinedhair."Butthenthe...the
powersthatbe,theCouncil"--hepronouncedthewordwithadisrespectfulsneer--"theydidn'tlikeit.

Theydidn'tapprove.Andthe

nextthingyouknow,dreamweavingis
frowneduponanddreamjumpingisin."He
scoffed,shookhishead,madeafacelikehe
wasabouttohockabigol'loogie,butinthe
end,settledforjustlookingatmeinstead.
"Buttheycan'tstopme.Nobodycan.They
canimposeclosinghours,makethisplaceas
darkanduninvitingastheywant,butthey
can'tstopmefromdoingwhatIdobest.You
dorealizethatnoonewillcomeforyou,
right,Riley?Youdorealizethereisnowhite
knightreadytorescueyoufrombigbadme.
NothingisforbiddenHere.No.Thing.Weprogress--ifthat'swhatyouwanttocallit,"
181/299
herolledhiseyes,"atourownpace.And
someofuschoosenottoprogressatall.They
can'tforceyoutodoanythingHere.Freewill
isking,andI'mexercisingmine."
Otherthananervousblink,Ididn'tallow
myselftoreact.Whathe'dsaidwasalltrue.
Oratleastthepartaboutnobodyforcing
anyonetodoanything--Iknewthatfrom
SoulCatching.Iwasn'tallowedtoevicta
ghostfromtheplacetheychosetohaunt,nor
wasIallowedtophysicallypushthemacross
thebridgesoIcouldcrossthemoffmylist
(thoughthereweredefinitelytimesIwas
tempted).AllIcouldeverdowasgettoknow
them,buildsomekindoftrustwiththem,
thenfindawaytocoaxandconvincethemtomoveontotheplacewheretheytrulybelonged.
Andthat'sexactlywhatIhadtodowith
Satchel.
Ihadtotreathimlikethelostsoulthathe
was.Maybehe'dfoundhiswayacrossthe
182/299
bridge,butfromthelooksofthings,itwas
hardlyenough.Fromwhathe'dsaid,he'd
beendoingthisforfartoolong,anditwasuptometostophim.
Thethoughtspuninmyhead.
Itwasuptometostophim!
SurelySatchelwasontheCouncil'sto-do
list,andifIcouldjustfindawaytogethimtoquitterrorizingpeople--ifIcouldjustfindawaytoget

himtofindabetter,moreproductivewaytoexist,well,thensurelythatwouldearnmesomemajorkudos
andcongrats,ifnotmore...

WhatbetterwaytogetwhatIwanted?
Whatbetterwaytogetmyglowtoglow
evenbrighter?
I'dreduce,ifnotstop,thenightmaresthat
foundtheirwayoutintotheworld,which,in
turn,wouldcausemetoleapaheckuvalot
closertomyoneandonlygoal.
Beingthirteenwasfinallyinreach.
183/299
AllIhadtodowasgetinsidehishead.Figureoutthereasonwhyhedidwhathedid.
Everyoneisdrivenbysomething.Noone
doesstuffjustfortheheckofit.There'salwaysareason,somekindofmotivation.Peer
pressure,revenge,thepursuitofworlddom—
inationorfame,whatever--themotivation's
thefuelthatsparkstheflame--thedriving
forcebehindjustabouteverything.AllIhad
todowaslearnSatchel's,thenquicklydis—
mantleit,showhimallthereasonswhyit
justdidn'twork.
"So,tellme,howexactlyareyouchanging
livesbyscaringpeople?"Iasked,hopingto
getaglimpseinsidehissickandtwisted
head.
Satchellookedatme,hisexpressionopen,
simple,thoughifyoulookedcloseenough,
youcouldseehisblueeyesweresimmering
justunderneath.
"Peopledon'tfearenough,"hesaid.
184/299
Isquinted,thinkingofallthethingsIwas
afraidof:clowns,spiders,quicksand,accidentallygoingtoschoolnaked--he'dpretty
muchnailedthemall.Theonlythinghe'd
leftoutwasdentistsand,ohyeah,snakes,
thoughIwasn'tabouttosharethatwithhim.
"Peopleactwithabandon.Theytakeunnecessaryrisks.Theythinkthey'llliveforever
andsotheytaketheirlivesforgranted.They
ignorejusthowextremelydangerousthe
worldreallyis."
Althoughhetriedtoappearoutwardly
calm,itwasclearhewasgrowingagitated.I
couldtellbythewayhisfingerstwitchedand
fiddledwiththetipofhisbelt,ashismouth
pulledandjumpedatthesides.
SoIkeptmyvoicesteady,low,reluctantto
addtohisdistress,whenIsaid,"Really?"I

scratchedatmychinasthoughIwastruly
consideringhiswords."BecauseI'mjustnot
sureIseeitthatway."
185/299
Hisfacewentstony,hisvoicegrewsnotty,
andhesaid,"Ohreally?Thenletmeaskyou
this--howdidyoudie?How'dyouendupHere?"Hearchedhisbrowinchallenge.
Ishrugged,refusedtogetriledup."Caraccident,"Isaid."They'reprettycommon,you
know."
Heshookhishead,shotmealooklikeI
wastoodumbtobebelieved."Justbecause
they'recommondoesn'tmeantheyhaveto
be."Heshuffledhisfeet,rockedbackand
forthbeforeme."Peopledon'tpayattention.
Theyallowthemselvestogetdistractedby
thestupidestthings!Theymesswiththera—
dio,lookforstufftheydroppedunderthe
seat.Womenputontheirmakeup,andmen
shave.Andnow,eversincetheyinventedcell
phones,"herolledhiseyesandsighed,
"peopleactuallysende-mailsandtext!They
doallofthesethingswhentheyshouldhave
theireyesontheroadandonlytheroad.You186/299
shouldnever,evertakeyoureyesfromtheroad!Nomatterwhat!"
Hisvoicegrewlouder,firmer,ashe
reachedtheendofhisrant.Soundingalmost
asthoughthoselastwordsdidn'tactuallybelongtohim--asthoughhewasborrowing
fromsomeothersource.
Asourcethatjustmightholdthekey,but
beforeIcouldgettothat,heasked,"Sotell
me,whowasdrivingthedayyoudied?"
"Mydad,"Itoldhim,myvoicenearlya
whisper.
"And...whathappened?"
Isuckedinamouthfulofair,alloweditto
bubblemycheeks,beforereleasingitina
long,slowwhistle."Deerraninfrontofthe
car.NextthingIknew,wewerealldead.
Well,exceptformysister.Shediedforabit,butthenshefoundherwaybacktotheliving.It'salong

story."Ishrugged,doingmybesttokeeptothefacts,keepitfreeofany

emotionImayhavefeltatthetime.
187/299
Hewavedhishandimpatiently.Hehadno
interestinthosekindsofdetails.
"WhatImeantis,attheverylastsecond,
rightbeforetheimpact,whathappened?"
Hiseyesblazedonmine.

Ipausedforamomenttothink,oratleast
Ipretendedtothink.Thefactis,I'dreplayedthescenesomanytimesinmyheaditwasalwaysatthe

ready,nottheleastbitdifficulttolocate.AndthoughIwasreluctanttoshareitwithhim,knowingit'dbe
likehand—

ingovertheperfectscenarioforhimtouse
againstme--Ididitanyway.Figuringalittle
honestyonmypartcouldonlybuildtrust,or
atleastIhopedthatitwould.
"I'djustbeenfightingwithmysister."I
lookedrightathim."Mydadpeeredinthe
rearviewmirror,theyexchangedalook,and
then,afewsecondslaterthedeerappeared
and...that'sit.Ithappenedprettyfast."
SatchelnoddedasthoughI'djustproved
hispoint."See?Youdistractedhim."His
188/299
paleeyebrowsquirkedasheflashedmea
gruesome,triumphantgrin.
"Soyou'reimplyingitwasmyfault?"Itriedtokeepmyvoicecalm,triedtosmothertheslow,

simmeringragebuildinginsideme.

"Imean,seriously,you'reactuallyblamingmeforwhathappenedtomyfamily?"
Satchelstudiedhishands,inspectedhis
nails.He'dsaidallthatheneededto.The
damagewasdone.
"Maybesomethingsarejustmeanttobe.
Maybesomethingsjusthappen,nomatter
what.Didyoueverthinkofthat?"Iglaredathim,rememberinghowmysister,Ever,wasconsumed

withblamingherselfforour

deaths,andhowIfinallyconvincedherofall
thethingsI'djustsaid,howthosewords
servedtofreeher,evenifshedidn'tcompletelybelievethem.
ButSatchelremainedunimpressed.Refusedtoseethingsmyway.
189/299
"Maybe.Maybenot,"hesaid."AllIknow
forsureisthatthedreamsIweavewakepeopleup.Mydreamweaveshelppeoplerealizejusthow

small,vulnerable,andfragiletheyreallyare.Theymakepeoplecautious.

Theymakethemthinktwice.Anddespite
whatyouthink,noneofthosekidsareinnocent.Thatgirlthatgoteatenbythealligators?"Helooked

atme."Shedoesthingsnearthatswampwithherboyfriendthatshe

knowssheshouldn'tbedoing.Badthings.
Dangerousthings.Thingsherparentshave
warnedherabout.Butnow,aftermydreamweave,she'llthinktwiceaboutheractions.
Shewon'tbedoingthatkindofthingagain."
Heflashedaself-satisfiedsmirkandcontinued,"Andthosekidsinthepark?Theyhang
outtherealmosteverynight,drinking,
smoking,andgettinginfights.Isentthat
dreamtothewholegroupofthem,andI

one-hundred-percentguaranteeyouthat
oncetheygettalkingaboutit--oncethey
190/299
exchangenotesandrealizetheyallsawthe
samething--they'llbesoscared,andright—
fullyso,thatthey'llstopallthenonsense,
stopabusingtheirbodies,stopwreckingit
foreveryoneelse,andliveabetterlife.Andifnot,wellthenI'lljustkeepchasingthemdown.I'lljust

keepdreamweavingexclusivelyforthem,untiltheyfinallygetit,ortheyendupHereprematurely,
whichevercomesfirst.Andthesamegoesforeveryoneelse."

Hepaused,allowingmeachancetoreact,
butIjustheldmytongue.
"I'mdoinggoodworkhere,Riley--work
thatIshouldberewardedfor.Butsome
peoplearejusttooshortsightedtoseethe
valueinthat.You'reluckyyoumetme,you
know.Youmayalreadybedead,sothere's
nosparingyouthat,butyou'rereckless.You
thinkyou'rewaysmarterthanyouare.You
thinkyouknowmorethananyoneelse.And,
well,thinkofitlikethis,maybeI'mhereto
saveyoufromyourself."Helaughed,though
191/299
thesoundwassoicky,sogreasy,Icouldn't
helpbutcringe."Imean,thinkaboutit.
ThinkabouteverythingIjustsaid.Isn'tthat
howyougothere?Isn'tthatwhatconvinced
youtosneakbackintoDreamlanddespite
thatitwasclosingtime--despitewhatyou'd
beentold?"
Hepaused.
Ishrugged.
Clearlywe'dreachedanimpasse.
Untilhesaid,"Sotellme,Riley,tellmethe
truth.I'mcurious,aftereverythingyou'veexperiencedhere,doyoustillthinkfearisforsissies?"
Hiseyesfocusedonmine,focusedinthe
waytheyhadbefore:piercing,mesmerizing,
willingmetoseekhisapproval,todo
whateverittooktopleasehim,todohis
bidding.
Andthoughthatnolongerworked,whenI
triedtoflee,well,that'swhenIrealizedthenightmarehadn'treallyended.
192/299
Myfeetwerenailedtothestage,andmy
lipswerestapledshut.

18

"Howdoesitfeeltoknownoonewillcomeforyou?"

Satchelsmiled.Havingjoinedmeonstage,
heproceededtocirclemeslowly,tobetter
observeme.
"Howdoesitfeeltoknowyou'retrapped
here?Doesitmakeyoufeel,oh,Idon't
know,fearful,perhaps?"
Withmymouthstillstapledshut,it'snot
likeIcouldanswer.ButSatchelwasn'tinit
fortheanswer.Hewasinitforthetaunt.
"Youknow,I'vebeendoingthisforavery
longtime,andImustsaythatyouareoneof
mymostchallengingdreamweavestodate."
Hestoodbeforeme,eyeswideningasthough
I'dfinallymanagedtoimpresshim.Toobad
Inolongercaredaboutthat.
"Justsoyouknow,Ididn'talwaysdealin
nightmares.Iusedtoletpeoplesend
194/299
whateverkindofmessagetheywanted,
whetherIapprovedofitornot.Ididmyjob,
didwhattheclientandBalthazarwanted.
Butthenoneday,I'dhadenoughofallthe
softlywhispered,sappyencouragementsof
'Liveyourlifetothefullest!'
"Andworse:'Seizeeachdayasthoughit's
yourlast!'"
Herolledhiseyesandshookhishead.
"Whatcompleteandutternonsense--notto
mentiondamagingtoo!ButBalthazarloved
it,and,ofcourse,theCouncilgaveittheir
goldensealofapproval.OnlyIcouldseewhatwasreallyhappening.OnlyIcouldseethe

consequenceofsuchathing.Thosesupposedlyheartwarmingdreamweavesweredoingmoreharmthan
good.Theywereen—

dangeringpeople,makingthembelieveina
falsesenseofsecurity.Resultinginapopula—
tionofdelusionalpeople,runningaround,
takingunnecessaryrisks.AndIthinkweallknowthatnothinggoodcomesofthat!"
195/299
Therewasthatvoiceagain.TheoneI'd
heardearlier--theonethatsoundedlikehe
wasrecitingsomeoneelse'swords.
AndthoughIwasmakingprogresswith
looseningthestaplesonmymouth,Ididn't
leton.IfiguredI'dstaywhereIwasandlet
himleadmestraightintothegoodstuff.
"Youcansendcomfortbutnotproph—
ecy--that'stheDreamlandmottoincaseyou

didn'tknow.It'stheonlyrealrulewewere
toldtoworkunder.Andwhileitseemsto
makesenseonthesurface,whilepeople
needtomaketheirowndecisionssotheycan
learnandgrow,andallthat--theyalsoneed
tomakethosedecisionswithaveryclear
pictureofjusthowdangeroustheworldis!
Andsincenooneelsewaswillingtodo
that--itwasuptometoshowthem."
Hestormedthestage,fingerjabbingthe
aireverytimehesaidsomethingofparticularsignificance.Andthelongerhelectured,
196/299
themorehisvoicechanged,untilitwasno
longerhisown.Itbecamesomeoneelse's.
Hecontinuedtospeak,andpoint,and
makeallmanneroffear-drivenstatements.
Hiseyesgrowingsobleary,hisexpressionso
foggy,Iwasprettysurehewasnolongerin
thepresentwithme,buthungupsomewhere
inhispast.
Notwantingtodisturbhimorleadhim
outofhistrance,Iletthewordsseepslowly,softly,trailingtheirwayfrommyheadtohis,asI

thought:Sotellme,tellmejustexactlywhathappenedtoyouthatmadeyouthisway.

Istoodrigid,lettingthethoughtfindits
waytohisbrain.
Andbecausehewaswhohewas--orat
leastwhoheclaimedtobe:thebestassistant
directorDreamlandhadeverseen--hedecidednottotellme.
Heshowedmeinstead.

19

Theprojectorwhirredashepunchedfiercelyontohiskeyboard.AndthenextthingIknew,wewere

droppedintoacarnival

scene--asortofold-timeyfair.
Thekindwithclowns,cottoncandy,and
sillygameswithcheapprizesthatcostonlya
pennytoplay.
Igazeddownatmyclothes,surprisedto
seemyselfwearingaflannelskirtwitha
poodlestitchedonit,itshemdrooping
nearlytotheblack-and-whitesaddleshoes
onmyfeet,whileontopIworeasnugsweatersetwithamatchingscarftogowithit.
Makingmelooklikeacharacteronsome
1950ssitcom.
Satchelworehissamewhiteshirt,black
pants,shinybelt,andblackshoes,andwith
hisspit-slickedhair,andpastywhiteskin,
well,evenbackthenhedidn'tfitin.

198/299
Comparedtotheotherboyswiththeirrolled
jeans,tightwhitetees,andsun-warmedskin,
helookedmorethanalittleweird.Hestood
out,inastrange-pale-funeral-directorkind
ofway.
Istoodtotheside,balancingacloudof
cottoncandyinonehand,asIwatchedhim
stridealongsidehisparents.AndIhaveto
saythatthesecondIsawthem,wellitallbecameclear.
Andwhenhisdadbegantospeak,Iknew
exactlywherethatvoicehadcomefrom.
Ikepttotheirpace,walkingjustbehind
them,carefultoblendin,gocompletelyun—
noticed,strivingtooverhearbriefsnippetsoftheirconversation.
Hismotherkeptquiet,avagueanddistant

expression

stamped

on

her

unhappy
face--whilehisfather,hisvoicehardened,
authoritative,explainedalloftheverygood
reasonswhySatchelwasnotallowedtogo
onanyoftherides.
199/299
Ishovedawadofcottoncandyintomy
mouth,frowningwhileIletthelittlecrystal—
lizedbitsmeltonmytongue.Wondering
whyhe'devenbothertotakehiskidtothe
carnivalifhewasn'tallowedtohaveanyfun.
Thoughitwasn'tlongbeforeIrealizedthat
Satchelhadnooneelsetogowith.
Satchelhadnofriends.
Hislifeconsistedonlyofhisparents,
schoolwork,andthefamily'sthriceweekly
visitstochurch.Andifhewasgood--very,
verygood--thenmaybethey'dallowhimto
gotoachild-friendlymovie--anoutingthat
hetreasuredaboveeverythingelse.Those
momentsinadarkenedtheater,watchinga
storycometolifeonascreen,weretheonly
smallpleasureshewasallowed.Whichis
morethanhecouldsayforhisparents,
whoselivesseemedtoholdnopleasureat
all.
Hismotherspentlonghoursattheironing
board,starchingthecollarsandsleevesof
200/299
thestiff,whiteshirtsSatchelworetoschool
andhisfatherworetowork.Satchel'sfather
roseearlyeachday,showered,dressed,and
hadaquickbitetoeatbeforeheadingto
work.AndwhileSatchelwasn'texactlysure
whathedid,heknewithadsomethingtodo
withnumbers.
"Numbersaresafe--numbersarelow
risk,"hisfatheralwayssaid."Ifyouknow
howtowork'em,thentheyalwaysaddupin
theend."
Thecarnivalwasonlyintownforaweek,
andallofthekidsatschoolhadbeentalking
aboutit--thoughofcoursenooneactually
mentionedittohim,Satchelhadmerely
overheardthem.
Hewastooweird--toocreepy--andhe
camefromareallyweird,creepyfamily--or

atleastthosewerethemostquotedexcuses
kidsusedtoavoidhim.
ButfromthemomentSatchelglimpsed
thetipoftheFerriswheelonararetripinto201/299
town,hewantednothingmorethantoseeit
upclose--wantedtoseeifitwasanything
liketheoneinthemovieheoncesaw.
Knowinghewasn'tallowedtogoonhis
own(hewasn'tallowedtogoanywhereon
hisownexceptschool,church,andtheoccasionalmovie,andeventhen,onlyduringthe
day--anywhereelsewasdeemedfartoodangerousforaboyofthirteen),he'dmadea
dealwithhisparents.Promisingthatifthey
wouldjustaccompanyhim--thenhewould
agreetonotgoonanyrides,noteatanything
madeofsugar,andnotwasteanyofhisfather'shard-earnedpenniesongameshisfather
claimedwereprobablyriggedanyway.
Apromisehehadeveryintentionofkeepinguntilhesawher.
MaryAngelO'Conner.
Thegirlwhosatafewrowsbeforehimin
school--thegirlwiththegloriousmaneof
longredhairthatspilledoverthebackofherchairlikeatrailofsmolderingembers.Those202/299
silkenstrandsgleamingintheslantof
noondaysunthatcreptthroughthewindow--appearingsoglossy,soinviting,
Satchelimagineditwouldfeellikewarmed
silkinhishand.
Unlikealltheotherkids,MaryAngelhad,
onmorethanoneoccasion,saidakindword
tohim.Theyweremomentshe'dneverforget.Momentshereplayedinhisheadagain
andagain,likeafavoritemovie.
Andthereshewas,surroundedbyalarge
groupoffriends,thoughoneglanceat
Satchelmadeitclearhesawonlyher.
Ishotanervouslookfirstathismom,then
athisdad.Hopingtheyhadn'tnoticedwhat
hadclaimedtheirson'sattention,knowing
they'dviewitasathreat,trytomakehim
fearit.Iwasalreadyfeelingreally,really
sorryforhim.
Buttheydidn'tsee,theyweretoobusydiscussingallthedangersaroundthem,completelyunawareof

thesparkofanideathat

203/299
justflaredinSatchel'smind--onethat
would'veresultedinahastystrolltowardthe
exitifthey'dhadeventheslightestinklingofit.
Ihavetogetawayfrommyparents,hethought.Ihavetodowhateverittakestoridmyselfofthem.

Ihavetogetfar,faraway--ifonlyforafewseconds.

Heyankedatthecuffsonhisshirt,then

pattedhishairwithhishand,twoofhisusualnervoustells.Deceptiondidnotcomeeasilytohim.
Carefullysteeringhisparentsinanother
direction,onethatwasoppositeMaryAngel
andherfriends,helookedfirsttohismom,
andthentohisdad,ashesaid,"IthinkIjustsawsomeonefromschool.MayIgosayhello,please?"
Istoodofftotheside,polishingoffthelaststickystrandsofcottoncandy,whilehisparentsexchanged

aworriedlook.Hismothervergingonno,themostoverusedwordin204/299

hervocabulary,somemightarguetheonly
word.Youcouldseeitengravedonherface,
thelinespermanentlystampedintheplace
whereasmilecould've,should'vebeen.
WhilehisfatherpeeredcloselyatSatchel
andsaid,"Who?Whoisthispersonyou
knowfromschool?"
Knowingthetruthwouldonlylandhimin
troubleatbest,andbackhomeatworst,he
gulped,crossedhisfingersbehindhisback
inanattempttolessenthestingofthelie,
andsaid,"It'sjust...it'sjustoneofthe
teachers.Iwanttoaskheraquickquestion
aboutMonday'sassignment,that'sall."
Iveeredcloserashisparentsconsulted,
listenedastheydiscussedthepossiblemerits
alongwiththeveryrealdangersofallowing
himtodriftoffonhisown.Andjustashis
motherwasabouttosaynoonceagain,his
fatheroverruledherwhenhenoddedand
said,"We'llwaithere.Righthere.Weexpect
yourreturninthreeminutes."Consultinghis
205/299
pocketwatchtomarkthetime."Ifyou'renot
backbythen,wearecomingtogetyou."
Ifit'dbeenme,Iwould'verunlikethe
windtogettheheckoutofthere,afraidof
wastingasinglesecondofsucharidiculously
shorttimeframe.ButSatchelandIarenothingalike.Whichmeanshedidn'trun.Didn't
evenconsiderit.Runningcouldleadtofalling,andfallingwasbad--afactthatwasrepeatedtohim

eversincehe'dtakenhisvery

firststep.
Withhammeringheart,andsweatypalms,
hemadehiswaytowardher.Havingnoidea
whathe'dsayoncehegotthere,andknowingalltoowelltherewasagoodchancethat
herfriendswouldalllaugh,hestillhadtogothroughwithit.Hecouldn'tletthechanceslipaway.He

wasatthecarnival--justlike

anyotherkid--justlikeanynormalkid--and
hewantedMaryAngeltoseeit.
Hewantedhertoseehimthewayhesaw

her.
206/299
Bythetimehecaughtup,sheandher
friendshadmadetheirwaytothefrontof
thelinefortheFerriswheel,waitingfortheirturntoboard.
Istoodbesidehim,thetwoofusgazingup
atthecarthatloomedhighest.AndwhileI'd
alwayslovedtheFerriswheel,carnivalstoo
forthatmatter,Satchelmademeseeitina
wholedifferentlight.

Carnivalsweredangerousanddirty
places--operatedbyshadycarnieswitheven
shadierpasts--andwhilealloftheridesheld
theirownuniquedangers,theFerriswheel
wasthegranddaddy--themostdangerousof
themall.Hisfatherhadassuredhimofthat
onthedriveover,whilehismotherhadsat
rightbesidehim,headnoddinginsilent
agreement.
Ishothimaworriedlook.Hewasjusta
fewinchesshyofMaryAngel,andIbraced
forwhathemightdo,whathemightsay.He
wasinunfamiliarterritorytosaytheleast.
207/299
MaryAngelturned,smilinginawaythat
madeherfaceshinewithhappiness,and
thoughthesmilewasinnowaydirectedat
him,
she'd

been

merely

laughing

at
somethingafriendsaid,Satchelwastoo
sheltered,toohopeful,toosociallyawkward
toseethesmileforwhatitreallywas.
Heuseditasanexcusetoapproachher.
Stoppingjustshywhenaboy,Jimmy
MacIntyre,otherwiseknownasJimmyMac,
orsometimesjustMac,placedapossessive
handonherback,threadinghisfingers
throughherblazeofredhairwhilegently
pushinghertowardthevacant,waitingcar.
"Hey,Satchel,yougonnaridetoo?"Mary
Angelcalled,finallyseeinghimassheslid
ontotheseat.
Andthoughhe'dsoughtherattention,
thoughitwasthenumber-onereason,the
onlyreason,forlyingtohisparentsandrisk—
ingtheirwrathifthelieshouldbediscovered--nowthatshewaslookingathim,
208/299
hewasstruckdumb,leftcompletelyspeechless,breakingoutinasweatthatsoon
workeditswayfromhisforeheadalltheway
downtohisfeet.
JimmyMacansweringforhimwhenhe
said,"Youkidding?Satchel?Ridethisthing?
Please.Thatkid'ssuchawimphehasapermanentnotetogetoutofPE.He'snotallowedtorun!Can

youbelieveit?Runningis

toodangerous!"Heshookhishead,rolled
hisauburneyes."CraziestthingI'veever
heardandIsweartogawdit'strue!"
MaryAngelglancedshylyatSatchel,shot
himaregretfullook,asJimmyMacclaimed
thespacerightbesideher,hisshoulder
pressingintoherangora-coveredshoulderin
awaythatmadeSatchel'sheadswim.
Satchelgulped,gaped,alltooawareofthe
secondsmarchingforward,erasingallthat
remainedofthethreeminuteshewasgiven.
Alltooawareofthemountainoftroublethat
awaitedhimifhewascaughtstanding
209/299
anywherenearthemouthoftheFerris
wheel.
"Youridingornot?"thecarnieasked,his
faceamessofcragsandcrevices--evidence
ofalifelivedrecklessly,hisfatherwouldsay.
Andthoughheknewbetterthantoask,
Satchelwonderedhowhisfathermightgo

aboutexplaininghismother,whodidn'thave
muchofalifetospeakofandyetshebore
thesame,saddened,used-uplook.
"C'mon,getthisthingup!"JimmyMac
yelled."SatchelBlaisetheturd,oops,Imeanthethird,ain'tgoin'nowhere.Blaiseisthebiggest

chickentheworld'severseen!"

"Makeupyermind,kid.Idon'tgotall
day!"Thecarnienarrowedhiseyessomuch
theywereswallowedbyamassofsallow,
puffy,excessskin--theresultoftoomuch
sun,toomanylatenights--obviouslynoone
hadwarnedhim.
Satchelwasjustabouttoturn,justabout
toheadback,knowinghisparentswere
210/299
probablyalreadylookingforhim,probably
alreadysteamingmad,whenMaryAngel
called,"Don'tlistentohim,Satchel.C'mon,
takearide--theFerriswheel'sfun!"
Shewantedhimtoride!
MaryAngel--thegirlwiththefieryred
hairandbrightshiningsmile--didn'tseehim
likealltheotherkidsdid.
IwatchedasSatchelthrewallcaution
asideandmovedtowardthecar.Myfingers
twisting,clutchingateachotherinafitof
nerves,willinghimforward,egginghimon,
butwantinghimtohurry,toboardalready,
beforehisparentsshowedup.
HeslidintothecarbelowMaryAngel's,
gettingaquickglimpseofherwavinghand,
hersmilingface,herlegskickingabovehim.
Hishearthammeringsohardagainsthisrib
cagehewassureitwouldleaprightoutof
hischestandlandonhislap.Hisfingersso
slickwithsweat,theyslippedwhenhetried
tograbholdoftherailandlockhimselfin,
211/299
butluckilythecraggyoldcarnieswungbyto
takecareofthatforhim.
Andthenextthingheknewhewaslifted--carriedup--up--up--highintothesky.
Higherthanhe'deverbeen.
Higherthanheeverthoughtpossible.
Higherthanhisparentswouldeverallow.
Butinsteadoffeelingscared,insteadof
feelingshadowedbyimminentdanger,he
feltexhilarated.

Free.
Andforthefirsttimeinhislife,hegazed
downupontheearth,notseeingitasdangerousatall,butinstead,ashosttothemost
wonderfulpossibilities.
Hisparentsweredowntheresomewhere,
mostlikelysearchingforhim.Butforthe
moment,itdidn'tmatter.Hedidn'tcare.He
refusedtothinkaboutthem.Preferredto
concentrateonsoaring,thethrillofriding
tandemwiththeclouds.Hisgazeheldfastto
thebottomoftheredcarabovehim,
212/299
knowingthatMaryAngelsoaredrightalong
withhim.
Hedreadedeachtriptowardtheground,
that'swhererealitylived--andlookedforwardtoeacharcintotheskywhere
everythingwaspeacefulandgood.
OratleastuntilJimmyMacstartedrockinghiscar--rockingitinawaythatmade
MaryAngelletoutashriek,thoughitwasn't
longbeforethatshriekturnedintoagiggle,
andthenthegiggleintoalaughthatwenton
andon.
Longingtohearthatbeautiful,soft,lilting
laughdirectedathim,orratheratsomething
hedid,Satcheldecidedtorockhiscaras
well.Grabbingholdofthesides,heshookit
ashardashecould.Butinsteadoflaughing,
MaryAngelglancedovertheside,shooting
himaworried,cautiouslook,whileJimmy
Maccuppedhishandsaroundhismouthand
yelled,"Hey,Blaise--didn'tknowyouhadit
inyou!"FollowedbyafewmorephrasesI
213/299
missed,butthatsentJimmyMacintohys—
tericsoverhisownwit.
ButJimmyMachadn'tseenanythingyet.
Satchelhadjusttakenhisfirstbiteoffree—
domandwasinfatuatedwiththerushthatit
gavehim.Loveditsomuch,hecraveda
steadysupplyofit.
Thirteenyearsofbeingsheltered,and
woefullyoverprotected--thirteenyearsof
coweringfromtheworld--hadresultedin
thirteenyearsofpent-upexuberancethat
longedtogetout.
Heshookthecaragain.
Harder.

Andthenharderstill.
CausingJimmyMactohootandholler,
egginghimon,asMaryAngelgazeddownat
himwithanincreasinglyworriedfrown.
Itwasanexpressionthatenragedhim.

Satchel

had

been

raised

on

worried
frowns--hadalreadysufferedalifetime's
worth.
214/299
HewantedMaryAngeltosmile.
Hewantedhertolaughinthesameway
shehadforJimmyMac.
Heshookthecaragain,muchharderthan
before,

causing

Mary

Angel

to
scream--yellingsomethingaboutthesecurityrail.
ButSatchelwouldn'tlisten.Evenwhenshe
pointed,beggedforhimtostop,thesightof
heranxiousfaceonlyspurredhimon.
WhywasitokayforJimmyMactoshake
thecar,butnothim?
Didsheagreewithalltheotherkidsthat
hewasnothingmorethanacreepyweirdo
wimp?
Didshethinkhedidn'tknowhowtohave
anyfun--howtoenjoyalittlerisk?
Well,he'dshowher.
He'dgethertosmilenomatterwhat.
Hecontinuedtorockthecar,ignoringits
squeakofprotest.
215/299
Butnomatterhowhardheshook--the
smilenevercame.
Hisfingersslippedfromthesides.
Hiscargotawayfromhim.
Swingingaround,swingingupsidedown,
untiltherailcamelooseanddumpedhim
rightout.
Thefallfromonehundredfeetwentso
muchquickerthanIeverwould'veimagined.
AndIwatchedasSatcheltumbledfromhis
seat,armsflailing,legskicking,headcrash—
ingandbumpingitswayfromcartocaruntil
itfinallysmashedstraightintotheground,
whereeverythingstopped.
EverythingbutthesoundofMaryAngel's
high-pitchedscream.
Asoundtrackthatcontinuedtoplaylong
aftertheprojectorhalted,thecomputer
flippedoff,andSatchelstoodbeforeme,
headcavedinonallsides,butworseatthe
top.Hiscollarbonejuttingrightoutofhis
skin,rightthroughthebig,gapingholeinhis216/299
blood-soaked

white
shirt--his

clothing
battered,clottedwithbrainmatter--justlike
they'dfoundhim.
Hisonegoodeyeburningintominewhen
hesaid,"Sotellme,Riley,isthatwhatyou
wantedtosee?"

20

Ihadtosaysomething.
Hewantedmetosaysomething.
Icouldtellbythewayhe'dremovedthe
staplesfrommymouthandwaitedformeto
speak.
Problemwas,Iwasn'tsurewheretostart,
soIwentfortheobvious."Satchel,I'mreallysorryaboutwhathappenedtoyou,butyoumustknow,it

wasanaccident."

Herolledhisonegoodeye,shookhis
batteredhead.Amouthfulofcracked-up
teethspewingfromhislipswhenhesaid,"Ya
think?"
Ipushedmybangsoffmyfaceandfought
tostaycalm,doingmybesttogetpasthis
gruesomeappearance,nottomentionhis
uncalled-forsarcasm.
218/299
"WhatImeantwas,it'sunfortunate,yeah,
butit'snoexcusetodowhatyoudo.It'sno
excusetoterrorizepeople."
"What?Areyoukidding?Didyoumiss
something?Imean,lookatme,Riley!Iignoredmyparents'warnings,Ilied,andlook
attheresult!"Heranhismangledfingersup
anddownhisbodylikeagameshowmodel
displayingtheprize.
Thesightwasmilespastgrisly,trulythe
stuffthatnightmaresaremadeof.ButI
couldn'taffordtofocusonthat.Ihadtouse
whatevertimeIhadleftbeforehedecidedto
dreamweaveawholenewwaveofterrorson
mybehalf.Ihadtofindawaytogetthrough
tohim.
Notwantingtowasteanothersecond,I
yelled,"Stuffhappens,Satchel!Reallyhorrible,regrettablestuff.AndwhileI'msorry
aboutwhathappenedtoyou,andIreally,
trulyam,Ialsohavetobehonestandtell
youthatI'mwaymoresorryabouttheway
219/299
youlivedyourlifebeforethat.I'msorrythatyouhadnofriends.I'msorrythatyoudidn'tfitin.I'm

sorryyouneverhadasinglemomentoffun.Butmostofall,I'msorryforthewayyourparentsmadeyou

feareverysinglething.I'msorrytheyurgedyoutohidefromtheworld.I'msorryforallofthat--far,far
morethanthesorryIfeelforwhathappened

toyouatthefair."
Mywordssilencedhim.Causedhimto
standbeforeme,pattingthecaved-inmess
wherehishairusedtobe,oblivioustothe
smallavalancheofflaky,driedbloodthat
trickleddowntohisfeet.
"Igetthattheylovedyou,Ireally,trulydo.
Igetthatyoumeanteverythingtothem,and
becauseofthat,theywereterrifiedoflosing
you.Igetthattheyhadyourbestinterestsatheart--onlywantedtokeepyououtofdanger.Butby

doingthat,theymadeyoua

prisoner!Notbeingabletorun,rideabike,
playsportswiththeotherkidsatschool..."I
220/299
shookmyhead,determinedtonotgettoo
carriedaway.Itwasimperativetokeepthe
messageclean,clear,freeofemotion--no
matterhowmuchhisparentsenragedme.
"Youhadnofriends,neverexperienceda
singlemomentofrealandtruefun.And
thoughitwasn'ttheirintention,theyturned
youintoafreakwithnolife.Heck,they
wouldn'tevenletyouhaveapet--'animals
aretoodangerous,'theysaid--sheesh!"I
paused,replayingmywordsandrelating
themtomyownlife.
PracticallyallI'ddonesinceI'ddiedwas
complainabouthowshortmylifehadbeen.
ComplainedaboutwhatabumdealI'dgottenwhenIfoundmyselfdeadattwelve.
UntilImetSatchel,itneverevenoccurred
tometocelebratejusthowmuchlivingI'd
doneinsuchashortamountoftime.
I'dhadfriends--lotsandlotsoffriends.
I'dplayedsports--eventhoughIwasn't
verygood.
221/299
I'driddenmybikeintherain--laughing
whenthewatersplashedupfromtheback
tireanddrenchedmysister,Ever.
I'dhadapet--infact,Istilldo.
I'dhadallthewonderful,normallife
pleasuresthatSatchelhasneveronceknown.
Hisparentshadrobbedhimofthem.
AndIwassuddenlysoovercomewithgratitudeforallthatI'dhad--Icouldnolonger
mournwhatIoncethoughtI'dlost.

Mylifemayhavebeenridiculously
short--buttheshorttimeI'dlivedhadbeen
prettydanggood.
"Thereareonlytwoemotions,"Isaid,returningtoSatchel,unawareofwhatthose
twoemotionsmightbeuntilIactuallystated
them."Loveandfear.Loveandfearisall
thereis--everythingelseisjustanoffshoot,
motivatedbythosetwo."
Ipaused,wantinghimtohearit,togetit,
tocompletelyunderstandwhatIwasjustbeginningtounderstandformyself.Notreally
222/299
sureofwheretheknowledgewascoming
fromandwonderingifitmightbetheresult
ofathoughtwaveofsomekind,buttrusting
itwastrueallthesame.
"Only,inyourfamily,loveandfeargotso
confusedtheybegantoresembleeachother.
Feargotmixedupwithlove,untilitbeganto
looklikelove,toseemlikelove,tofeellikelove--when,thetruthis,theycouldn'tbemoreopposite.I

mean,thinkaboutit,"I

said,desperateforhimtofollow,toreally
listen."Yourwhole,entirelife,allthirteen
yearsofit,theonlytimeyoutrulyfeltalivewaswhenyouwereridingthatFerriswheel,wasn'tit?

That'stheonlytimeyoutrulyfelt

free--that'swhenyoubegantorealizeallof
life'sgloriouspossibilities.Thoughunfortunately,aswebothknow,yougotalittlecarriedaway,and,

asaresult,thingsendedtra—

gically.ButI'mwillingtobetthatifyouevergazeddownontheearthplaneafteryouleft,well,Ibet

youleftoneheckofacautionary

223/299
talebehind.IbetJimmyMacnevershooka
caronaFerriswheelagain.Ibethethought
twicebeforehetauntedsomeonehethought
wasbeneathhim.IbetMaryAngelnever
stoppedfeelingguiltyabouturgingyouto
rideinthefirstplace,whichisprettysad
whenyouconsiderthattheultimatedecision
wasyours,nothers--nottomentionhowshe
beggedyoutostopandyouwouldn'tlisten.
AndIbetyourparentsreally,reallymissed
you.Ibettheyalsoheldthemselvesresponsiblesinceyouplayedrightintotheirvery
worstfears.Doyouevercheckinonthem?
Doyouever..."Igulpedatthethoughtbut
forcedmyselftocontinue,"Doyouever...
makedreamweavesforthem?"
Hepattedhisheadagain,andIlooked
away.Ireallywishedhe'dstopdoingthat.

"Never!No!Sheesh!"hesaid.
Iwaitedforamoment,hopinghe'dsay
somethingmore,butwhenhedidn't,Itook
anotherleap,hopingitmightwork."The
224/299
thingis,Satchel,allofthathappenedareallylongtimeago,whichmeanssomeofthemareprobably

Herenow.Haveyoueverconsideredventuringout,outofthisroom,to

seeiftheyare?"
Helookedatme,well,oneeyedid.The
otherwasreducedtoablackpitwithlong
stringsofcruddybitsstreamingout.
"Areyoukidding?Ican'tgooutthere
lookinglikethis!"Hisvoicewastingedwith
hysteria,fear."Myparentswillkillme!TheymustbefuriouswithmeforwhatI'vedone!"
Icouldhardlybelieveit.Afterallthose
yearsspentscaringanuntoldnumberof
dreamersacrosstheglobe,afterallthose
yearsofreigningsupremeovertheirvery
worstnightmares,Satchelwasstillafraidof
howhisparentsmightpunishhimforhis
death.
"Firstofall,"Isaid,tryingtosticktothe
obvious,keeptothefacts."Noonecankillyou.Incaseyou'veforgotten,you'realready225/299
dead.Andsecond--don'tyouthinkit'stime
youguyshadatalk?Imean,Icouldbe
wrong,butI'mprettywillingtobetthey'llbeoverjoyedtoseeyouagain.Andthird--"Myeyesfixed

onhismangledhandthatwasin

transit,justabouttopatatthegrotesque
creviceinhishead,turninginawaythat
madehisjuttingcollarbonescrapeabig
chunkofskinrightoffhischin.Theblood—
ied,batteredbithangingbyalongstringof
ick,thatswungupanddown,backandforth,causingmetosay,"Youhavegottostopdoingthat.

Seriously,notonlydoesthesightofitmakemewanttohurl,butthere'sreallynoneedforyoutolooklike
thisanymore.It's

timeforyoutoleaveyourpastbehindand
headtowardyourfuture,don'tyouthink?"
WhileIfeltI'dmadeaprettygoodcase,he
wasn'tentirelyconvinced.Helistened,considered,Icouldseeitinhisone,semi-good
eye,buthewasdefinitelyteetering.He
neededmoreproof.
226/299
Satchelhadgrownsousedtohisviews,the
fearfulideashisparentshaddrilledintohim,thatitwashard,ifnotimpossible,forhimtoseeanother

way.Andthere'snodoubtthathavingfeltsopowerlessinlife,he'dcometo

enjoythepowerhewieldedoverallthoseun—
suspectingdreamers.Asfarashewasconcerned,itwasalottogiveup.

Dreamweavingwashislife.Er,makethathisafterlife.Withoutit,hehadnoideawhattodowith

himself.

KindoflikehowIwaswithSoulCatching.
Butifitwastimeformetomakeanew
start,thenitwasdefinitelytimeforhimtoo.
Welockedeyes,andIknewifIdidn'tsay
somethingquick,somethingpositive,upbeat,andencouraging--something

that
wouldgivehimthefinalpushthathe
needed--wellthenI'dlosehimcompletely.
AndwhileIhadnoideawhatImightsay,I
decidedtotrustthattherightwordswould
227/299
findme--justliketheyoftendidwhenIwas
inthemiddleofaSoulCatch.
ButthiswasnoSoulCatch--oratleastnot
officiallyanyway.Onceagain,I'dbargedin
whereIdidn'tbelong.I'dtakenonacase
withouttheCouncil'sconsent.
WhichmeansthesecondIopenedmy
mouth,theonlysoundthatcameoutwasa
horriblecroak.
Ahorriblecroakthatwassoonfollowedby
ahigh-pitchedgaspwhenBalthazarstepped
outoftheshadowsandmadeforthestage.
Hestrodetowardme,dressedintheexact
sameuniformhe'dwornearlier--thebuttons
onhisshinyblueshirtstillthreateningto
pop,hisknee-highbootstappinghard
againstthefloor,andIcouldn'thelpbut
wonderjusthowlongI'dbeenthere.Had

Dreamlandofficiallyopenedforbusiness
again--orhadBalthazarsensedsomesortof
troubleandcomestraightfromhisbed?
228/299
Helookedatme,hisgazeholdingmore
warmththanIwould'veexpectedwhenhe
said,"Theboyisnotready.Thesethingscannotbeforced."
That'swhatyouthink.
IturnedtowardSatchel,eagertoprove
Balthazarwrong,butallIfoundwasan
emptyspacewhereSatcheloncestood.And
nomatterhowlongIstared,itonlyconfirmedwhatIalreadyknew--Satchelwas
gone.
IwhirledonBalthazar,furiouswithhim
forinterfering,forbuttinginatthemostcrucialmoment.Imean,seriously--ifanyoneshould

understandtheconceptofdelicate

timingitshouldbehim.Hadn'thejustspent
anentireafternoonlecturingmeaboutthe
importanceoftiming,ofgettingthelanding
justright?Andyet,whenitcametothescene
Iwasdirecting,hejuststormedrightinwithoutathought.
229/299
"Thisisyourfault!"Iyelled,myvoicecontainingafurythatsurprisedevenme."Hewasthiscloseto

changing!"Ithrustmyhandtowardhim,pinchingmyforefingerandthumbcloselytogether."I'dalmost
convincedhim--andIwouldhavetoo--Idefinitelywouldhave--ifyouhadn'tbarreledrightinand
wreckedthewholething!"

Mycheeksgrewhotandflushed,my
throatgrewalllumpyandhoarse,asmyeyes
stungfromthethreatofcrystallinetears.
HardlyabletobelievejusthowcloseI'd
come--onlytoloseitallinaninstant.
ButIdidn'tcry.InsteadIturnedtothe
sideandblinkedandblinkeduntilIwas
readytofacehimagain.
"Don'tyougetit?"Isaid,myvoicestill
shaky."Satchelwasmybigchance!Hewas
mybigopportunitytoadvancemyself
straightintobeingthirteen!AndIwasso
close--Iwasalmostthere--untilyoucame
alongandwreckedeverything."Ishookmy
230/299
head,swipedahandacrossmyeyes."You
justhadtobuttin,andnow...andnowI'm
rightbackwhereIstarted.Stuckasa
scrawny,littletwelve-year-oldkid!"Istared
atmyfeet,wavingmyhandbeforemeas
thougherasingthewords.Therewasno

pointincontinuing,nopointinanything.
AndasfarasBalthazarwasconcerned,wellI
wasreallyandtrulyoverhim.Everything
badcouldbetracedbacktohim.Ifhe'djust
letmehavemydreamjumplikeI'dasked
fromthestart,thenthewholemesswith
Satchelneverwould'veoccurred.
I'dbebackhome,safeinmybed,dreamingsweetdreamsafterhavinggottensome
goodandsolidadvicefrommysister.
Butnooooo!ThankstoMr.SkunkHair,IwasrightbackwhereIstarted,whichwasprettymuch

nowhereatall.Feelingsodis—

gustedwithmyselfandmystupid,level1.5,
barelythereglow,Ituggedhardonmy
sleeves,yankingthemovermyknucklesand
231/299
downpastmyfingertipssoIwouldn'tberemindedofjusthowfarIhadtogo.
ThenIunstuckmybolted-downfeetand
madeforthedoorway.
StoppingjustshyofitwhenBalthazar
said,"YouthinkIignoreSatchel?YouthinkI
didnottrytospeakwithhim,toreasonwith
him?Youthinkthatyouaretheonlyone
whohasfailedwiththeboy?"
Istoodverystill,thinking:Um,yeah,
that'sprettymuchexactlywhatIthought.Itneverevenoccurredtomethattheremightbeothers

whoknewwhatSatchelwasupto.

Butit'snotlikeitmadeadifference.Itwas
whatitwas.
"Dreamlandismycreation,andatone
timeSatchelwasmynumber-oneapprentice,"Balthazarsaid,anunmistakablehintof
prideinhisvoice."Nothingcanhappenhere
thatIamnotawareof."
232/299
"Thenwhyhaven'tyoustoppedhim?"I
turned,butthesecondmyeyesmethis,I
alreadyknew.Freewill,itruledeverything.
Ishookmyheadandmovedforthedoorway.Removingthefirstslatandplacingiton
thefloorwhenhesaid,"Youknow,Riley,you
willneverturnthirteenthisway."Iglanced
overmyshoulderjustintimetocatchthe
concernedlookthatheshotme.
"Oh,yeah?"Igrumbled,grabbingthenext
slatandhurlingittowardtheground."Well,
that'sjustgreat,Balthazar.Seriously.
Thanksforsharingthat.Thanksforthe
reallyuseful,super-duperhandytip."
Ifrowned,blewmylimpblondbangsout

ofmyface,andremovedthelastremaining
slat,eagertoputsomeseriousdistance
betweenus.
"Thisisnothowyougrowolder.Winning
isnotallthatyouthinkittobe."
"Oh,yeah?Sojustexactlyhowisitdone
then?"Iasked,myvoicethickwithsarcasm,
233/299
whiletherestofmesecretlyhopedhemight
tellme.
"Thewayyougrowolderis...well,by
growingolder."Henoddedasthoughhe'd
justmadesomehugerevelation.
Igroaned,rolledmyeyes,thinking:More
uselesswordsofwisdomfromthegreatdir-
ectorhimself!ThenIduckeddownlowandplacedonefootsolidlyontheoutside.
"Youhavesomuchpotential,butnoidea
howtochannelit,"Balthazarsaid.
Thenextstepcameslower,I'membarrassedtoadmit,butIwascurioustosee
wherehewasheadedwiththat.
"Ifyouwerenotalreadyapprenticingasa
SoulCatcher,Iwouldasktotrainyouasan
assistantdirector.Youarefullofheartand
fire.Everytimeyouspeak,Iexpecttoseehotflamesshootingoutofyourmouth."
Okay,IknowIwassupposedtobemad,
butIcouldn'thelpbutsmileatthat.Itwasn't234/299
entirelykind,butstill,therewasnodenying
itdescribedmetoaT.
"Youalsoseemtohaveafondnessforignoringtherules.LiketheDreamlandclosing
time,forinstance?"
Mysmilefaded.AndsinceIhadnointentionofstickingaroundforyetanotherlecture,Iduckedand

crouched'tilIwasonthe

othersideofthedoorway.Alreadyheaded
forthegatewhenBalthazarcameafterme,
saying,"Youhavethesoulofanartist.All
greatartisaboutbendingrules--discovering
anewwaytoblazeanoldtrail.Youapproach
yourafterlifewithfiercedeterminationand
passion,andyoulovetowinmorethananythingelse.Qualitiesthatmustcomeinvery
handyinyourjobasaSoulCatcher,but,as
yousee,somesoulswillalwayschoosetogo
theirownway.Itisjusthowitis.Itbearsnoreflectiononyou."
Igulped.Icouldn'thelpit.IguessI'dneverthoughtofitthatway.Ifiguredthe
235/299
CouncilhadmademeaSoulCatcherbecause
Icouldrelatetotheghosts--becauseIknew
firsthandwhatit'sliketoclingtotheearth

plane,theoldwayoflife,refusingtomove
ontowhereItrulybelonged.Butmaybethey
sawsomethingmoreinmetoo.Maybemy
fireandheartanddeterminationandpassionanddesiretowinaboveall...well,
maybethathadalsoplayedasmallpartin
whyIwaschosentodowhatIdo.
MythoughtswereinterruptedbyBalthazarsaying,"Andwhiletheseareverygood
qualitiestohave,onemustlearntodirect
andchanneltheminordertoachievegreat—
ness.Withoutfocus,theyarejustapileof
emotionslefttorunamok.Itistheabilitytochannelone'semotionsthatisthemarkofmaturity,no?"
Myjawdropped,whiletherestofme
stoodasfrozenandsolidas...well,asa
snowman.Suddenlyunderstandingit--orat
236/299
leastpartofit--feelingasthoughI'djust
beenhandedonemorepiecetothepuzzle.
Balthazartiltedhisheadback,peeringup
ataskythatwhilestillmostlydark,showed
hintsofsilverybrightnessbeginningtocreep
in--thepromiseofdaylighttocome.Thenhe
lookedatmeandsaid,"There'sstillsome
timebeforeDreamlandofficiallyopensfor
theday."Hisfingersworkedthesilkscarfat
hisneck."Whatdoyousaywecheckinon
thatsisterofyours?"

21

Thescenewasperfectlystaged.Mylandingwasspoton.Andyet,despiteallofmypreparationand

training,itstilltookseveraltriestogetitjustright.

Everkeptrunning.Waking.Bailingon
everyhappysceneIfoughtsohardtoshare
withher.Forcingmetoplayoutthesame
routineagainandagain--alwaysstarting
withherlaughingandsmilingandpretendingtogoalong--andendingwithherrunningoffthesecond

I'dturnmyback--scram—

blingforthesurface--determinedtowake
herselfup.
"WhatamIdoingwrong?"Icalled,standingonthestage,voicefullofdespair,squintingatBalthazar,

whowasperchedinhisfancyreddirector'schair.

Heshrugged,clearlynothalfasupsetas
me,saying,"Youhavedoneeverythingright.
238/299
JustlikeItaughtyou.ButalsolikeItaught
you,therearenoguarantees.Sometimesa
dreamjumpjustdoesnotwork.Andwhile
usuallyitisthefaultofthejumper,inthis
case,consideringthatyouwerepersonally

trainedbyme,theblameclearlylieswith
yoursister.Forsomereason,sheprefersnot
toseeyou."
Istoodthere,stunned,speechless,knowingalltheevidenceseemedtosupportwhat
hesaid,andyet,there'snowayitcouldpossiblybetrue.Everlovedme!Shemissedme!
Iknewitforafact--despitehowitmayhave
looked.
Yet,IalsoknewthatBalthazarwasright,
therewasnodoubtshewasdoingherbestto
avoidme.
"Sheistroubled.Feelsveryguiltyabout
something.Andyourpresenceonlyseemsto
makeitworse.Sheisconvincedsheisnot
deservingofthehappinessthatthesightof
youbrings."
239/299
Omigawd,that'sit!Balthazarhadjustperfectlydescribedmysister--thesolesur-vivorofthe

accidentthatwipedoutmyfamily.

Still,Iwasdeterminedtogetthrough.I
hadnoideawhenthechancemightcome
again."Onemoretime,"Ipleaded."Imean,
westillhavetime,right?"
Balthazarquirkedhisbrow,strokedhis
goatee,andItookthattomeanthatthe
choicewasentirelyuptome.Sothemoment
mysisterfellbacktosleep,Ijumped.Only
thistime,insteadofdistractingherwith
laughterandfun,Iletherleadtheway.
Shewastroubled,immersedinadarkand
lonelylandscape.And,ifIdidn'tknowbetter,I'dthinkforsureSatchelwasbehindit.
ButSatchelwasnowheretobefound,which
meantthescenewefoundourselvesinwas,
unfortunately,thewispsandremnantsofmy
sister'sguilt-riddenmind.
240/299
Iwentalongforawhile,butitdidn'ttake
longbeforeIstartedtofeelreallysadabout
thewayshewasstillpunishingherselffor
eventsthatwerebeyondhercontrol--for
makingchoicesthatmayhaveprovedtough
atthemomentbutthat,eventually,would
surelyworkout.
Andthat'swhenIdecidedtosendhera
thoughtwave.
Ihadnoideaifitwasactuallypossibleto
sendathoughtwaveduringadreamjump,
sinceBalthazarhadmadeitsoundlikean

either/orsituation,butIfigureditwasworthashot.So,Iclosedmyeyes,concentratedonlettingher

knowjusthowmuchIlovedand

admiredher--howI'dspentanentirelifetimewantingtobejustlikeher.
Andthen,thestrangestthinghappened,
thatdark,gloomyskystartedtobrighten,the
crisp,coldairbegantowarm,asthatde—

pressinglybleaklandscapetransformedinto
241/299
asparklingpatchofgrass--asmallisland
refugefromallofherdarkness.
"Don'tfightit,"Iurged,smilingsobrightly
itmademycheeksache."Please,don't
run--pleasejustsitherewithmeandtryto
enjoythismomentforhoweverlongitlasts."
Shekneltbesidemeonthegrass,herblue
eyesnarrowedinquestionbeforepushing
throughthedoubtandgivingwaytohappiness.Shereachedtowardme,smilingasshe
movedtotweakmynoseinthatwaymydad
alwaysdid,butthenhalfwaythereshe
stopped,reconsidered,andinstead,usedthe
tipsofherfingerstosoftlybrushmylong
andscragglybangsoffmyface.
"You'regrowingup,"shesaid,hervoiceas
softandwonderfulasIrememberedit.
Thoughthewordswerenotatalltrue,
causingmetoshakemyhead,saying,"No,
no,I'mnot.I'mjustexactlythesameasyou
leftme.ButIwanttogrowup.Ireally,really242/299
do.AndIwaskindofhopingyoucould
help."
Shesatbackonherheels,herlongblond
hairdrapedoverhershoulders,hanging
downtoherwaist."RileyBloom?Askingfor
help?"Shetossedherheadbackandstolea
fewmomentstolaugh."Areyousureyou're
mysisterandnotsomecrazyimposter?"She
tappedlightlyonmyforehead,staredhard
intoeacheye.
AndthoughIlaughedtoo,willinglygoing
alongwiththejoke,Ihavetoadmither
wordskindastung.
ItwastruethatIneveraskedforhelp,and
maybethatwasalsopartoftheproblem.The
Councilhadtoldmetoconsultwiththem,
andonceagain,I'dtotallyignoredit,chosen
togomyownway.Butthosedayswereover.
Iwasready,willing,andcompletelyand
totallydesperatetosoakupanywordsof
wisdommysistercouldgiveme.
243/299
"Ever,Iwashoping..."Imashedmylips
together,gazedallaround,knowingIneeded
tohurry,thatshecouldwakeatanysecond

andmychancewouldbeblown."Well,Iwas
hopingyoucouldtellmehowtobethirteen."
Shesquinted,herfacegonesuddenlyserious,herhandlightlyclaspingminewhenshe
said,"Thirteenjusthappens,Riley.It'snot
somethingyoucanforce."
Yes,Iwasbecomingalltooawareofthat,
Balthazarhadsaidprettymuchtheexact
samething.ButwhileIknewshecouldn't
helpmebecomethirteen,Ithoughtmaybeshecouldatleasthelpmetoactit,whichinturnmightspur

thingsalong.

"Okay,well,here'sthething,"Itoldher,
myfingersgrazingoverthecrystalhorseshoe
braceletherboyfriendgaveher,theoneshe

always
wore.
"Turning

thirteen
isn't
somethingthatwilljusthappenforme.
I'm--"IstartedtosayI'mdead,butnotknowingifshewasawareofthatinher244/299
dreamstate,Ididn'twanttostartleherand
possiblyriskwakingher,soinsteadIjust
said,"It's...differentforme.It'ssomethingIhavetolearnhowtoachieve."
Sheshookherhead,madeafaceofimpatience,eagerformetounderstand."But
that'sthething,youcan'tforceit.Norcanyouachieveit.It'llcomewhenyou'rereadyandnosooner,

I'mafraid."

Tobehonest,thatonlymadememore
frustrated.ItwasallthesamestuffI'd
alreadyheard.Imean,sofarallI'dmanage
togetoutofBodhi,Balthazar,andnowher
werethesame,vague,mostlyunhelpful
statements.
Youcan'tforceit!
Youcan'tachieveit!
Ithappenswhenithappens!
Bipiddyblahblah.
ChannelyouremotionswastheonlysolidleadthatIhad,butitwasn'tenough.Iknewtherewas

more.

245/299
"Iknowyou'reinarush."Shenoddedintently."AndIknowyouprobablywon'tseeit
thisway,butreally,youshouldconsider
yourselflucky.You'llturnthirteenwhen
you'reready,nosooner.CanItellyoua
secret?"Sheleanedtowardmeuntilour
noseswerejustmillimetersapart."Whenmy
thirteenthbirthdaycame,Ididn'tfeelthe
leastbitready."
Wha?
Ileanedback,stunned.Rememberingher
thirteenthbirthdaysoclearly--thepartyour
parentsgaveher,themadcrushoffriends
thatfilleduptheentiredenuntiltheyspilledoutintothebackyard.RememberinghowsurprisedIwas

toseehowboyshadmade

theguestlistforthefirsttimeinalongtime.
ButmostlyIrememberedhowbadlyI
wantedtobeapartofitall.HowIkeptmakingexcusestojointhem,andhowourparentskepturging

metoleaveheralone,to

leaveherandherfriendstotheirteenaged
246/299
fun.AssuringmethatsomedayI'dgetathirteenthbirthdaypartytoo,andthenI'd
understand...
Ilookedatmysister,convincedshe'donly
saidthattomakemefeelbetter.Imean,seriously,shewasprettymuchthepictureofthe

teendreamcometrue.
"Itseemedlikesuddenly,practically
overnight,allofmyfriendswereobsessed
withlipglossandboys."Shearchedher
brow,flashedaquickgrin."AndIfeltlikeinordertofitin,IhadtopretendIwasintothattoo.The

firsttimeIslowdancedatthe

seventhgrademixer,mystomachwasso
twistedwithnervesIthoughtIwasgoingto
hurlonthatpoorboy'sshoulder."She
laughed,flickedherfingersthroughherhair.
"Buthonestly,noneofitreallyfeltrightuntilaroundagefourteen.Maybeevenfourteenandahalf.I

prettymuchjustfakedit'til

then.Butyou'renothinglikeme,Riley.You
don'thaveasinglethingtoworryabout.You
247/299
weresneakingmylipglossfromthemoment
Istartedwearingit."Shelaughedand
chuckedmeunderthechin."You'reready,I
cantell.Theremustbesomethingelsethat's
holdingyouback."
So,that'sit,Ithought.Shereallydidn'tknowanybetterthanIwhatthatcrucialthingmightbe.And

whilethatwasallfine

andgood,Iwasn'treadytoenditjustyet.
ThoughIcouldseethegrassstartingto
shrink,tocreepinonitself,asherattentionstartedtofade.
"Whataboutboys?"Iblurted,determined
tosqueezeasmuchoutofthemomentasI
could."Andmakingfriends?Howdidyoudo
thatsoeasily?Howdidyougeteveryoneto
loveandadmireyou?Howdidyoubecome
sopopular?"Iasked,myvoicefrantic,alltooawareoftimerunningout.
Shewasdistracted,losingfocus,andIwas
prettysurethatI'dlostherwhenshereturnedtomeandsaid,"Boys?"Shegrinned.
248/299
"Mybabysisterwantstoknowaboutboys!"
Shetossedherheadbackandlaughed.And
eventhoughIcringedattheword"baby,"I
didn'tleton.Iwastoobusyurgingheron.
"Well,forstarters,neverforgetthatthey're
justasnervousasyouare.RememberwhenI
toldyouaboutthatdanceandhowIthought
Iwouldhurl?Well,whatIdidn'ttellyouis
thattheboy'shandsweresoclammyand
sweatyhelefttwopermanentsweatstainson
mybluesatintop.Hetotallywreckeditand
itwasbrand-new!"Sherolledhereyes,
tuckedherhairbehindherear."They're

cute,nodoubt,butsometimestheyactlike
suchdorks.Ittakesawhileforthemtofigureitout.Believeme,Iknow,myboyfriend'ssixhundred

yearsold!"Shequirkedherbrow

andshrugged."Justbesensible,Riley--just
beyourself.Andnever,ever,allowyourself
toloseyourheadoveranyofthem,okay?As
formakingfriends?"Shesmiled,buttedher
kneeagainstmine."Easy-peasy--isn'tthat
249/299
whatyousay?Thekeytomakingfriendsis
tobeagoodfriend."Shepaused,allowingherwordstosinkin,butIhopedshewouldn'tpausetoo

long,Icouldfeelthe

dreamstartingtofade."Andwhatwasyour
lastquestion?Aboutpopularityandhowto
getpeopletoloveandadmireyou?"She
squinted,tookamomenttoconsider."Well,
thethingis--youdon't.Or,maybeIshould
saythatit'sreallynotsomethingyoucan
striveforbecauseyou'lljustcomeoffasabigneedyfake.Justbeyouradorable,sweet,andsunny

self,andIhavenodoubtthateveryonewill..."

Thegrasswasdisappearing,andwhen
Eversawit,hereyesfilledwithpanicand
fear.
Ituggedonherhand,desperatetobring
herbacktome.And,foramomentit
worked,becauseshelookedatmeandsaid,
"Don'tworry,Riley--you'regoingtobefine.
250/299
Butnow,I'mafraidsomethingverystrange
ishappening..."
Thegrassslippedoutfromunderusand
wefoundourselvesbackonthestage,andI
tookitasasignthatmypartwasover.Ithadbeenherdreamallalong.Iwasjustthejumper.Itwas

timeformetofindawayto

helpher.
Thestagecontinuedtotransform,and
that'swhenIsawjusthowdarkandtroubled
mysister'sworldhadbecome.Shewasall
overtheplace,frantic,panicked,unableto
takeitallin,soIdidmybesttomakeherfocusononlythemostimportantsymbols,thethingsshe

absolutelyshouldn'tmiss.And

thoughBalthazarandMorthadbothwarned
methatyoucanneverbesurewhichpartof
adreamthedreamerwillactuallyremember
oncetheywakeup--forsomestrangereason
Ifoundmyselfhopingshewouldn'tremembertheearlierpart.Ihopedshe'dremember

all

the

dark

and

weird

symbols
251/299
instead--that'swheretherealmessagelived.
Imaynothaveunderstoodit,butIknewit
wasimportant.Iknewshedesperately
neededtoseeit.
SowhenBalthazarshouted,"Cut!She's
awake!That'sawrap!"well,despiteallmy
failuresinDreamland--Icouldn'thelpfeelingasthoughithadn'tbeenacompleteand
totalwaste.
I'dspenttimewithmysister.AndI'm
prettysureIwasabletohelpherasmuchas
shehadhelpedme.

22

BythetimeImademywayoutofthat
soundstageIwasglowing.
Positivelyglowing.
Oratleastthat'showIfeltontheinside.
ImayhavefailedatnearlyeverythingIset
outtodo--theremayhavebeenarenegade
dreamweaverstillontheloose--butI'ddone
allIcould.UntiltheCouncildecidedtoassignhimtome,Satchelwasn'tmyproblem
tosolve.
So,thatwasme--brimmingwithnewfoundconfidence--buzzingwiththepromise
ofallthatI'dlearned--whenIransmackinto
ButtercupandBodhistandingontheother
sideofthedoor.
Idroppedtomyknees,hugginganoverex—
citedButtercuptightlytomychest.His
thumpingtail,andcrazilylickingtongueon
253/299
mycheek,tellingmehewasveryhappyto
seeme.
Andafterawhile,whenIknewIcouldn't
delayanylonger,ImetBodhi'sgaze.Hisface
wasguarded,conflicted,muchhardertoread
thanmydog's,thoughIwasprettysurethey
didn'tsharethesameenthusiasm.
IwasprettysureBodhisavedhischeek
lickingexclusivelyforJasmine,eventhough
thethoughtofthatprettymuchgrossedme
out.
AndwhileIknewIshouldsaysomething
toexplainmyself,hewasthefirsttospeak
whenhesaid,"So,Ihearyoutriedtowork
anotherRileyBloommiraclebackthere."His

voice

containing

an
unmistakable--something--Icouldn'ttellwhat,ashejabbedhisthumbbacktowardtheold,

brokendownsoundstage.

Ididn'trespond.Ijustgottomyfeetand
motionedforButtercuptofollowasIworked
mywaytowardthegate.Rememberingthe
254/299
lasttimeBodhiandIhadseeneachother--whenhe'dcaughtmewatchingwhilehe
readpoetrytoJasmine--andfeelingthat
samerushofhorrifiedembarrassmentall
overagain.
I'dbeenfeelingprettydanggooduntilhe
camealong,andImarveledathowquickly
hismerepresencemademefeeljustthe
opposite.
"Youknow,lotsofpeoplehavetriedtoget
Satcheltostop."Bodhiwalkedalongsideme,
refusingtohonorthesilencelikeIwastryingtodo."Hisguidehastriedmanytimes--toomanyto

count,really.AndBalthazarhas

beenmakingregularvisitssincethenightmaresbegan.Tryingtotalksomesenseinto
him,pleadingwithhimtochangehismind.
But,intheend,Satchelalwaysrefusesto
listen.Youshouldn'tblameyourself,Riley.
Satchel'sjustnotreadytomoveon."
"Buthewasready,"Imumbled,grindingmyteethtightlytogether,rememberingjust255/299
howcloseI'dcome--onlytohavehimrunoff
attheverylastsecond.
Imean,yeah,I'dmovedpastit.Wasfully
committedtolettingitgoandnotreplaying
themomentagainandagaininmyhead.But
thatdoesn'tchangethefactthatItrulyhad
beenonthevergeofbreakingthroughto
him.IfBalthazarhadn'tbargedin,I
could've,onceagain,beentheonetosucceed
whereallothershadfailed.
MyeyesslewedtowardBodhi's,seeingthe
wayhestudiedme,thewayhethumpedhis
chewed-upgreenstrawsoftlyagainsthis
stubble-linedchin.
"How'dyouknowtocomehere?"Iasked,
wonderingiftheCouncilmight'vealerted
him--wonderingjusthowmuchtroubleI
mightbein.Butitturnsoutitwasnothing
likethat,Bodhijustshruggedandpointedat
Buttercup,whogazedupatme,lickedhis
chops,andtwitchedhispinknose.
256/299

"YouknowtheCouncilwillprobablywant
todiscussthis,right?"Bodhisaid,andthe
wayhespoke,Icouldn'ttellifitwasameetinghedreadedoranticipated.
Iscrewedmymouthtothesideand
crossedmyarmsovermychest,saying,
"Well,Iguessthat'sgoingtobeprettyuncomfortableforyou,then.So,myapologies
inadvance."
Hequirkedhisbrow,lookedmeupand
down,andsomethingaboutthatgotmeso
riledupitfeltlikemyheadmightexplode
andblastrightoffmyneck.
"Andwhilewe'reonthesubjectofmis—
deeds,"Isaid,staringhimdownwithallthat
Ihad."Let'snotforgethowyouliedtome.
YoutoldmeDreamlandwasforbiddenwhen
it'snot."Inoddedvehemently,unabletorememberiflyingwasoneofthesevendeadlysins,orjust

highlydiscouraged--buteither

way,Iknewitwasbad.
257/299
"IdidwhatIhadto,"Bodhisaid,hisgaze
aboutasguiltfreeasitgets."Andsorry,Riley,butIwon'tapologizeforthat.Youknow,
you'renottheeasiestpersontodealwith.I
havenochoicebuttoexaggeratejusttoget
youtolisten.But,asyoucansee,itstill
doesn'twork.Youdowhatevertheheckyou
want,regardlessofwhatItellyou."
Istoppedinmytracks,takingamomentto
glareathimbeforeIsaid,"Yeah,andbecauseofthat,thereareawholelotofghosts
outtherewho'vecrossedover!"Ishothima
scathinglook--thestink-eyeatitsveryworst.
"So,tellme,Bodhi,doesn'titbotheryouthatI'malwaystheonewhogetsthesoulstomoveon?"
Itappedmyfootagainstthegroundashis
eyesnarrowedevenfurther,becomingtwo
slashesofgreen.
"Imean,Ihatetobetheonetoremind
you,butlet'snotforgetIwastheonewhogotcongratulatedbyAurora,whoweboth258/299
knowisprettymuchtheCouncil'spresident,
orpromqueen,or...whatever.Anyway,the
pointis,likeitornot,I'mprettymuchonmywaytosurpassingyou.It'sjustamatteroftimeuntil

you'restuckgnawingonyour

strawandsquintingintomydust,wondering
howyougotleftsofarbehind."
"Riley--"Heliftedhishandinalameattempttostopme,butheshould'veknown
better.I'donlyjustbegun.
"Youthinkyou'resocool,youthinkyou'reso..."Myvoicebroke,butIforcedmyselftocontinue.

"Youthinkyou'vegoteverything,don'tyou?JustbecauseyouhaveaprettygirlfriendnamedJasmine--
justbecause

you'refourteen--thatdoesn'tmakeyoubetterthanme.Becauseyoujustwait,I'mabout
toturnthirteenanysecondnow,I'mstarting
tofigureitout,eventhoughyou'vebeenrefusingtotellme--eventhoughyou'redeterminedtokeepme

stuckwhereIam.And

then,onceIamthirteen..."
259/299
Hewasnolongerlistening.Instead,he
motionedtowardsomethinghewantedme
tosee,somethingthatmadehisgazegrowso
sadandregretfulhewasreluctanttolookat
me.
AndwhenIswungmyheadinthedirectionhewaspointing,Ifrozeinmytracks.
Mywordsstalled.
Myeyesnearlypoppedfrommyhead.
Mymouthhungsilentandlong.
Dreamlandwasinfullswing,openfor
businessagain,andsomepropguyswere
movingamirrortoasoundstagethat
must'veneededitforadreamjump.They
pausedrightbeforeme,stoppingtochat
withsomeotherpropguyswhowereleading
agroupofcamels,twozebras,andoneelaboratelypaintedelephantintheopposite
direction.

The

mirror

shining

so

clean

and
bright--causingmyreflectiontoglintina
wayIcouldn'tdeny.
260/299
Imovedcloser.Movedsocloseitfogged
upinsmallpatcheswhenIblewonit.Tracingmyfingersovermyreflectedcontours,
wonderingjustwhatexactlyhadgonesoterriblywrong.
I'dsurvivedalongnightofterror,which
hadsurelyleftitsmark,butthishadnothing
todowiththat.
Itwasmyglowthatleftmespeechless.
Itwasn'tshiningbrighter.Infact,itwas
barelyshiningatall.
Ithaddimmed.
Significantlydimmed.
WhileBodhistoodbesideme,glowing
brighterthanI'deverseenhim.Hisusual
greennearlyedgedoutbyblue.
Andthat'swhenithitme.
That'swhenIknew.
Thestubbleonhischin--theaquaglow
thatsurroundedhim--he'dbumpedup,surpassedme.
261/299
He'dturnedfifteen--whileIwasstill
twelve.
"It'snotfair!"Icried,myfacearaging
messofcrystallinetearsandredcheeks,the
reflectionvanishingthesecondthepropguys
shotmeaworriedlookandhurriedaway.
"I'mtheonewhodoesallthehardwork!
I'mtheonewhoatleasttriedtoconvinceSatcheltostopweavingnightmares!Iputmyselfatgreat

risk--whileyou--you--"I

couldbarelystandtosayit,butImademyselfanyway."Whileyouloungedaroundinagarden,

readingpoetrytoyourgirlfriend!"Ishookmyhead,mythroatsohotandtightIhadtoforcethewordsto
come."Sotellme,

ohmightyguideofmine,tellme,howisthatfair?"
Insteadofanswering,Bodhisteppedaway.
TakingButtercupwithhim,tryingtogiveme
somespace.Then,onceI'dcalmeddown
enough,hecircledbackandsaid,"Theglow
isn'tsolelydeterminedbywhatyoudo,
262/299
Riley."Hisgazefixedonmine,andthere
wasn'tatraceoftriumphinit--atleastI
couldbehappyforthat."It'snotaboutwhat
youaccomplish.It'sneverbeenaboutthat--Ithoughtyouunderstood?"
"Thenwhatisitabout?"Isaid,mytone

strivingforvenom,butlandingonweakand
pathetic.
"It'saboutwhatyoulearnwhileyou'redoingit.And,Ihatetosayit,butyou'vefailedtolearnoneof

themostimportantlessonsofall."

Isanktomyknees,hidingmyfaceinButtercup'sneck.Overcomewithembarrassmentandshame,

regrettingmyoutburstina

verybigway.Itwastheimmaturereactionof
someonemuchclosertotenthantheageI
wantedtobe--I'ddonetheoppositeofwhat
Balthazarhadtoldme.
Insteadofchannelingmyfireandpassion
anddetermination--I'dsuccumbedtothem.
I'dletmyemotionscontrolme.Iguess
263/299
understandingtheconceptandactingonthe
conceptweretwodifferentthings.ClearlyI
wasn'tthirteen,becauseIwasneitherworthy
norready.
"Forsomeonewho'ssowrappedupinappearances,anddon'teventrytodenyit,becauseyouknow

youjudgepeoplebytheway

theylookallthetime--whatisityoucalled
mewhenwefirstmet?"Helookedatme,
wantingmetosayit,wantingmetoengage
insomeway.Wantingmetoadmitthat,
yeah,Idid,andsometimesstilldo,referto
himasdorkyguy.ButIrefused.Ididn'twant
toplay.Iwantedittoend.Iwantedthe
wholehumiliatingtalktobeoveranddone
withsoIcouldbeonmyway.
"Anyway,Ithinkwebothknowwhatyou
calledme,thepointis--"Hepausedinaway
thattoldmethisnextpartwasimportant,
somethinghereallywantedmetothink
about."Thethingthatyoureallyneedto
264/299
knowisthatappearancesarereallyjust
manifestationsofhowweseeourselves."
Huh?
Isnuckapeekathim.Hehadmyfull
attention.
"Thoughtscreate,right?"Hewaitedforme
tonod,toacknowledgehiminsomeway,soI
did."Andso,withthatinmind,thewayyou
seeyourself,well,ithasadirecteffecton
whatyoubecome,andhowothersseeyou."
Isquinted,notentirelygettingit.
"TakeAurora,forexample.Aurorasees

herselfasnotjustamemberofhumanity--butasapartofallhumanity.Sheseesabsolutelynodivide

whatsoever,nobound-aryofanykind,betweenherselfandeveryoneelse.That'swhyyouseethebeauty
ofeverythingwhenyoulookather.Hercomplexionisamixofallthecomplexions,and

herhairisthesame,thewayittransitions
throughtheentirecolorspectrumandback
again.ButRiley,you'resostuckonbeing
265/299
eternallytwelve--asyouchoosetocall
it--you'resostuckinyouranger,you'reso
determinedtofindashortcuttogetaround
it--that,intheend,you'rejustdooming
yourself.Byobsessingoverit,you'rekeeping
yourselfstuckrightwhereyouare.Thething
is,ifyouwanttogrowup,well,thenyou
havetostartseeingyourselfasgrownup.
And,nooffense,butyou'llneedtostartactinglikeagrown-uptoo.Whichmeansno
moreoutburstsortantrums.Thebottomline
is,ifanyone'sholdingyouback,Riley,it's
you."
Ouch.
I'mnotgonnalie,thewordsstungina
reallybigway.Theyalsoleftmefeelingreallyembarrassed,mortified,

and
ashamed--mostlybecauseIcouldrecognize
thetruthwhenitwasjumpingupanddown
andwavingbeforeme.
"Youcan'tforceit,Riley.Youcan'tachieve
itinthewayyou'vebeentrying.IntheHere
266/299
&Now,therearenobirthdays--youmature
whenyou'reready."
Isighed.It'sprettymuchexactlywhat
Eversaidduringthedream,stillIlookedat
himandsaid,"ButyouoncetoldmethatifI
keepupthegoodwork,thenI'llbeableto
transcendlevelone-point-fiveinnotime!
Wasthatanotherlietoo?"
"No."Heshookhishead."Itwasn'talie.
Thatwasandisonehundredpercenttrue.
Butthethingis,youusedtocareaboutthe
soulsyoucrossedover.Youmayhaveput
yourselfatrisk,youmayhavegoneoffon
yourowndespitemywarningyounotto,but
theCouncilwaswillingtooverlookallofthatbecauseitwasclearthatyoutrulycaredaboutseeing

thosepoorsoulsmoveon.And

whileI'msureyoueventuallystartedtocare
aboutSatcheltoo,iffornootherreasonthan
hisstoryisprettydangsad,Ithinkweboth
knowyouweremostlyinitforwhatyou
thoughtitwouldgetyou.Yourmotivation267/299
wasselfish,Riley,andI'msorry,butthere's
norewardforthat."
Istaredatmyfeet,rememberingjustwhat
hadsparkedthewholething.Nothavingany
friends,seeinghimwithJasmine--itdidn't
seemselfishonthesurface,butBodhiwas
right.I'donlytriedtohelpSatcheltobenefitme.
"Sothat'swhymyglowdimmed?"Iasked.
Ilookedathim,myfacecleanandclearofallanger.
Bodhidughishandsintohispockets,
lookingatmewhenhesaid,"It'sthesameas
turningthirteen.It'snotaboutachiev—
ing--it'saboutlearning.Youalwaysseeyourselfasseparate,likeit'syouversuseveryoneelse,and

everyoneelsebetterwatchoutbecauseyouhavesomethingtoprove.Butthethingis,wedon'tactalone
Here,Riley.We

workasateam--acommunity.Acommunity
youhaven'teventriedtobeapartofbecause
you'retoobusylookingforshortcutsand
268/299

glory.Andwhileyourglowgettingdimmeris
notquitethepunishmentyouseeitas,
mostlybecausethereisnopunishmentHere,
I'msorrytosaythat,yes,youractionshave
causedyourglowtoregress.Thoughthat's
nottosaythatyoucan'tgetyourglowon
again."
Mybodywentshaky,myeyesstartedto
sting,butinsteadofcryinglikeabig,fat
baby,IgaveButtercupagood,tightsqueeze
andthenIlethimgofree.
Makingmywaytowardthegateonce
again,whenBodhireachedouttoslowme.
Thefeelofhisfingerscausingmywholebody
totremble,makingmefeelallweird,likeI
hadwhenIsawhimwithJasmine.
"Riley--uh,Ithinkthere'smoreweneedto
discuss..."
Ilookedathim,sawthatbig,unbearable
discussionsittingrightthereinhiseyes,
causingmetoshakemyheadandwaveit
away.
269/299
Noway,Jose.
NowaywouldwetalkabouthimandJasmineandwhatevertheymeanttoeachother.
Itwasstupid.
Dumb.Dumb.Dumb.
He'djustturnedfifteen.Iwasstilltwelve.
Therewasabsolutelynothingtotalk
about.
Ipickedupthepace,findingmywaytothe
othersideofthegate.Knowingitprobably
wasn'tthemostmaturewaytorespond,but
heck,itwasbetterthanatantrum,andat
leastthatwasastart.
TherewasnodoubtIstillhadalotto
learn.ButtherewasalsonodoubtthatI'd
eventuallygetthere.Soonerratherthan
later,thatwasforsure.Ifinallyunderstood
howitallworked.
ThankstoBalthazar,Ever,andBodhi,the
puzzlewascomplete--theyhadeachdonated
apiece.
270/299
Ihadtochannelmyemotions--tendtothe
firewithinsoitwouldn'tblazeoutofcontrol.
IhadtoaskforhelpwhenIneededit,

tackleonlytheassignmentsthatweregiven
tome,andinsteadoffocusingonhowI
wouldbenefitfromconvincingthelostsouls
tocrossover--Ihadtofocusonhowcrossing
themoverwouldbenefitthem.
Ihadtoquitfocusingonbeingeternally
stuckasaflat-chested,twelve-year-old
kid--andinsteadseemyselfasthemature
andconfidentteenIwantedtobe.
Ihadtobepatient,beagoodfriend--Ihad
tobehappybeingme.
Arrangingthoseitemsinaneatlittlelistin
myhead,Icouldn'thelpbutsmileathow
gooditfelttofinallyhaveaplan.
AndeventhoughIwasstillwalkingfast,
therewasnooutrunningBodhiwhenhewas
inoneofhismoredeterminedmoods.
Hecaughtuptome,graspedmyelbow
again,andsaid,"Riley,listen,theotherthing271/299
canwait,that'sfine.ThoughIdoneedto
knowifwecanleavenow,orifthere'sanythingyouneedtodofirst.Anyoneyouneed
tocheckinwith,beforewetakeoff?"
Ilookedathim,staringintothosedeep
greeneyes."Whatdoyoumean?Arewegoingsomewhere?"
Seeingthewayhisfacebrokeintoasmile
ashepickedupastick,tossedithighintotheair,laughingasButtercupleapedintotheskyandflew

afterit.

Turningtome,aghostofasmilestill
hauntinghislipswhenhesaid,"Ispokewith
Aurora.TheCouncilissendingustoItaly.
Apparentlythere'saverystubbornghost
that'sbeenhauntingtheColosseumforseveralcenturies.Andsincetheyknowyou've
beenitchingforachallenge,theyfiguredit
wastheperfectSoulCatchforyou."

alsobyalysonnoel

THERILEYBLOOMBOOKS

Radiance

Shimmer
THEIMMORTALSSERIES

Evermore

BlueMoon

Shadowland

DarkFlame

NightStar

Everlasting
Faking19

ArtGeeksandPromQueens

FlyMetotheMoon

LagunaCove
Kiss&Blog

SavingZoe

CruelSummer

CominginWinter2012

Riley'sadventurescontinuein
Whisper
ThefirstthoughtthatpoppedintomyheadwhenweenteredtheRomancitylimitswas:Hunh?
Isquintedintothewind,droopyblond
hairstreamingbehindme,feelingmorethan
alittledeflatedasIsoaredoveralandscape
thatwasprettymuchexactlythesameasall
theothersbeforeit.
Myguide,Bodhi,mydog,Buttercup,andI
hadflownagreatdistancetogethere,and
eventhoughflyingwashandsdownourfavoritewaytotravel,therewasnodenying
howafterawhile,thescenerytendedtogeta
bitdull--fadingintoacontinuousblurof
clouds,nature,andman-madethings,all
piledupinarow.AndthoughI'dgrownused
274/299
toit,IguessIstillhopedthatRomewouldbedifferent,butfromwherewehovered,italllookedthe

same.

Bodhilookedatme,hisgreeneyestaking
noteofmydisappointedface,heshotmea
quickgrinandsaid,"Followme."
Hethrusthisarmsbeforehimandsomer—
saultedintoamajorfreefallasButtercup
andIdidthesame.Andthefasterwespun
towardtheearth,themorethelandscapebelowcametolife--bloomingwithsuchvibrant
coloranddetail,Icouldn'thelpbutsquealindelight.
Romewasn'tboring.Itwasmorelikethe
opposite--acitychockfulofvisualcontradic—
tionspracticallyeverywhereyoulooked.
Consistingofamazeofcrazilycurving,
traffic-choked

streets

that

curled

and

swoopedaroundnewlyrenovatedbuildings
andcrumblingoldones--allofitlooming
overdustyoldruinsdatingbackahandfulof
275/299
centuries--remindersofalong-agohistory
thatrefusedtogoquietly.
Bodhislowed,hishairfloppingintohis
face,whenhenoddedtowardtheruinjust
belowhimashesaid,"Thereitis.Whatdo
youthink?"
Buttercupbarkedwithexcitement,wagginghistailinawaythatmadehimspin
sideways,asIgawkedatthemassiveoldam—
phitheater,marvelingatitssizeandfinding
myselfsuddenlysideswipedbydoubt.
Imean,yes,I'mtheonewho'dpractically
beggedtheCouncilforamore-challenging
SoulCatch--Iwantedtoglowbrighter,and
alsoturnthirteenmorethananythingelsein
theworld,andIwronglybelievedthatexcellingatmyjobwastheoneandonlywayto
speedthatalong.ButthelongerIgazedupon
thatmassivestonestructurewithitsarches
andcolumnsandsturdyoldwalls--themore
Itookinitssheersizeandscope--themoreI
thoughtabouttheactivitiesitwasknownfor:
276/299
barbariccrueltyandslaughter,blood-soaked
battlesfoughttothedeath--well,Icouldn't
helpbutwonderifI'dmaybebeenalittletoo
ambitious,ifImight'veoverreached.
Notwantingtoletontomysuddenfitof
cowardice,Igulpedhardandsaid,"Wow,
that'sum...that'sawholelotbiggerthanI
thoughtitwouldbe."
Continuingtohover,myeagernesstoland
allbutforgottenuntilBodhiyankedhardon
mysleeveandgotusallmovingagain.But
insteadofleadingustothemiddleofthe
arena,helandedonthebalconyofavery
fancyrestaurant,itsall-whitedecorserving
astheperfectbackdroptowhatmaybeone
oftheearthplane'smostspectacularviews.
Heperchedonthebalcony'sgrayironrailing,gazingdownatthelandscapethat
loomedseveralstoriesbelow,whileIsat
alongsidehim,hoistinganot-so-cooperative
Buttercupawkwardlyontomylap,hislegs
floppingovereitherside,asIsaid,"Dowe
277/299

haveadinnerreservationIdon'tknow
about?"Knowingthejokewasadumbone,
butIcouldn'thelpit,nervesmademejokey.
Bodhigavetheplaceaonce-over,takingin
thespaciousterracefilledwithwell-dressed
dinersenjoyingelegantcandlelitdinnersand
asunset-drenchedviewthatbathedtheColosseuminaglowoforangeandpink--allof
themblissfullyunawareofthethreeghosts
sittingamongthem.
Thenturningtome,hegotdowntobusinessandsaid,"Okay,here'sthedeal,this
ghostyou'resupposedtodealwith--his
nameisTheocoles.NolastnamethatIknow
of.And,please,doyourselfafavorandcall
himbyhisfullname.Noshortcuts,noTheo,orT,orBigT,or--"
"Igotit,Theocoles,"Isnapped,thinkingit
wascertainlyamouthful,butit'snotlikeit
mattered,hisnamewasprettymuchthe
leastofmyconcernsatthatpoint."What
else?"Istaredstraightahead,hopingto
278/299
appearconfidentdespitethewaymyfingers
weretwistinginButtercup'spaleyellowfur.
Bodhisquintedthroughhisheavyfringeof
thicklashes,hisvoicelowanddeepashe
said,"AccordingtotheCouncil,he'sbeen
hauntingtheColosseumforaverylong
time."IturnedtoBodhi,archingmybrow,in
needofalittlemoredetail,watchingashe
shrugged,thenpulledadentedgreenstraw
fromhispocketandshoveditinhismouth,
whereheproceededtognawonitlikeadog
onabone."Thisguyisintense,"hecontinued."Hetrulyisalostsoul.He'ssocompletelyimmersed

inhisworld,hehasnoconceptofanythingoutsideofit,orjusthow

manyyearshavepassedsincehisdeath,
which,bytheway,numberintothe
thousands."
Inodded,givingButtercuponelastscratch
ontheheadbeforeallowinghimtoleapfrom
mylaptothegroundsohecouldgosniffall
279/299
thedinersandbegfortablescraps--clueless
tothefactthattheycouldn'tevenseehim.
"Soundslikebusinessasusual,"Ireplied,
withalittlemorebravadothanIfelt.While
theColosseumwascertainlyintimidating,
nothingBodhihadsaidsoundedlikeallthat
bigadeal."PrettymuchalltheghostsI've

dealtwithwereintense,"Icontinued."And
yet,Iwasstillabletoreachthem,stillabletoconvincethemtocrossthebridgeandmoveon,soI'm

prettysureIcanconvincethis

Theocolesdudetocrossovertoo.Easy-peasy."Inoddedhardtoconfirmit,turning
justintimetocatchthewinceinBodhi's
gaze.
"There'ssomethingmoreyouneedto
know,"hesaid,hisvoicequietandlow.
"Theocoleswasthechampiongladiatorbackinhisday.Fearedbyall--defeatedbynone."
"Didyousaygladiator?"Igaped,thinkingsurelyI'dmisunderstood.
280/299
Bodhinodded,quicktoadd,"Theycalled
himthePillarofDoom."
Iblinked,triedtokeepfromlaughing,but
itwasnouse.Iknewthenamewassupposed
tosoundscary,buttome,itsoundedlike
somesillycartoon.
MylaughterfadedthesecondBodhishot
meaconcernedlookandsaid,"Hewasa
championgladiator.Arealprimuspalus,that'swhattheycalledthem,which,justsoyouknow,

translatestotopofthepole.

Widelyconsideredtobethetoughest,scari—
est,strongest,mostfearlesscreatureofthe
bunch.Thisisnothingtolaughabout,Riley.
I'mafraidyou'vegotsomeseriousworkcut
outforyou.Butthenagain,youdidbegfora
challenge."
MyshouldersslumpedandIburiedmy
faceinmyhands,myshortburstofconfidencedyingthemomenttherealityofmy
situationsankin.
281/299
Imean,seriously--agladiator?That'sthechallengetheCouncilsawfittoassignme?
Ithadtobeatrick,ormaybeevenajokeof
somekind.
IthadtobetheCouncil'swayofgetting
backatmeforalwaysignoringtheirrulesin
favorofmakingmyown.
HowcouldI--askinny,scrawny,semi-stubby-nosed,flat-chested,twelve-year-old
girl--howcouldIpossiblytakeonabig,
strong,raginghulkofaguywho'dspentthe
betterpartofhislifechoppinghiscompeti—
tionintosmall,bloodybits?
JustbecauseIwasdead--justbecausehe
couldn'ttechnicallyharmme--didn'tmeanI
wasn'tquakingwithfear.BecauseIwas--I
really,trulywas.AndI'mnotafraidtoadmit
it.

"Iknowitseemslikealottoaskofafairly
newSoulCatchersuchasyourself,"Bodhi
said."Butnottoworry,theCouncilonlyassignswhattheyknowyoucanhandle.The
282/299
factthatyou'reheremeanstheybelievein
you,soit'stimeyoutrytobelieveinyoutoo.
Youhavetoatleasttry,Riley.WhatisitMa—
hatmaGandhioncesaid?"Helookedatme,
pausingasthoughheactuallyexpectedmeto
providetheanswer,andwhenIdidn't,he
said,"Fulleffortisfullvictory."Hepausedagain,allowingthewordstosinkin."Allyoucandois

giveityourbestshot.That'sall

anyonecaneveraskofyou."
Isighedandlookedaway.BelievinginmyselfwasnotsomethingIwasusedtostrugglingwith--if

anything,Iborderedondangerouslyoverconfident.Thenagain,thesituationIfacedwasn'ttheleastbit
normal,or

usualforthatmatter.AndeventhoughI
knewI'dasked,ifnotbeggedforit,Istill
couldn'thelpbutresenttheCounciljustthe
tiniestbitforindulgingme.
"AndwhataboutthoseotherSoulCatchers?"Iasked.
283/299
"Theoneswhoweresentbeforemeand
failed?I'massumingtheCouncilbelievedin
themtoo,no?"
Bodhichewedhisstraw,rananervous
handthroughhishair,andsaid,"Turnsout,
itdidn'tendsowellforthem...."
Isquinted,waitingformore.
"Theygotlost.Suckedsodeepintohis
worldthatthey..."Hepaused,scratchedhis
chin,andtookhissweettimetoclearhis
throatbeforehesaid,"Well,let'sjustsay
theynevermadeitback."
Istared,mymouthhangingopen,empty
ofwords.
Iwasoutmatched.Therewasnogetting
aroundit.ButatleastIwouldn'thavetogoitalone.AtleastIhadBodhiandButtercuptoserveasmy

backup.

"ButpleaseknowthatButtercupandIwill
berighthereifyouneedus.We'renotleavingwithoutyou,Ipromiseyouthat."
284/299
Ilookedathim,myeyespractically
poppedfromtheirsockets,myvoicebetray—
ingthefullextentofmyhysteriawhenIsaid,
"Youexpectmetogoinalone?"Ishookmyhead,unabletobelievehowquicklythingshadgonefrom

very,verybadtoimpossibly

worse."Ithoughtthatasmyguide,itwas
yourjob,nottomentionyourduty,toguideme.AndwhataboutButtercup?Areyouseriouslytelling

methatIcan'tevenbringmyowndogtoprotectme?"

Iturned,mygazesweepingtherestaurant
untilI'dzeroedinonmysweetyellowLaball
crouchedunderatable,chewingonashiny
goldstilettoadinerhadslippedoffherfoot.
Remindingmyselfthathistoricallyspeaking,
he'dneverprovedtobeallthatgreatofa
backup.Whenpushcametoshovehewas
actuallymorescaredy-catthanmenacing
guarddog--butstill,hewasloving,andloyal
(well,forthemostpart),andsurelythatwas
betterthangoingalone.
285/299
Bodhilookedatme,hisvoicefullofsym—
pathywhenhesaid,"Sorry,Riley,butthe
Councilmadeitcrystalclearthatthiswas
yourSoulCatch.Yours,andyoursalone.
Theyaskedmetostayoutofit,tosupervise
only,andleaveyoutoworkitoutonyour
own.Butwe'lltrytothrowyoualifelineif
youneedit--orshouldIsaysoulline?AndwhileIthoughtaboutlettingyoubringButtercupalong,for

thecompanyifnothingelse,thethingis,thousandsofwildanimalsdiedinthatarena,andsomeofthem
arestilllurkinginghostform.Beingchasedbyalion

orabearcouldbeprettyterrifyingforhim
sincehedoesn'treallygetthathe'sdead."
Isquintedintothedyinglight,gazingat
thelong,rectangularspacefilledwithrows
ofnarrow,crumbling,rooflessstructures
thatsatjustbelowus--yetanotherancient
ruin.FromwhatI'dseen,Romehadno
shortageofthem.
286/299
"It'llbedarksoon,"Bodhisaid,hisvoice
softlynudging.
"Thesooneryougetstarted,thebetter--and
youmightwanttostartthere."Hegestured
towardtheruinjustbelowus."It'stheLudus
Magnus."Helookedatme."Oneofthe
biggest,mostimportantgladiatorschoolsin
Rome'shistory.Couldbeagoodplacetobegin,getyourbearings,getafeelfortheplace
...youknow,beforeyouhitthearena."
Thearena.
Igulped,nodded,andtriednottothink
aboutmyfellowSoulCatcherswhonever
madeitback.Imean,iftheCouncilthinksI

canhandleit,well,whoknows?MaybeIcan.
MaybetheyknewsomethingIdidn't.
SoIpushedmybangsfrommyface,took
onelastlookatmydogstillgnawingthat
shoe,thenpushedofftheledge.Hoping
morethananythingthattheCouncilwas
right,thatIreallywascapableofmorethanIthought.
287/299
Butalreadybettingagainstit,asImade
mywaydown.

acknowledgments

I'mincrediblygratefultoworkwithsuchan
amazingteamoftalentedpeoplewhohelp
bringtheRileyBloomseriestolife--including,butnotlimitedto--JeanFeiwel,Rose
Hilliard,JenniferDoerr,EileenLawrence,
JessicaZimmerman,ElizabethFithian,Mar—
ielDawson,SamanthaBeerman,Angela
Goddard,BillContardi,andMarianne
Merola.
ThankyoutoSandy,formorereasons
thanIcouldpossiblylist.
Butmostly,thankstomyreaders,forallowingmetolivethisincredibledream!

QuestionsfortheAuthor

Inwhatwaysareyousimilar(ordif-
ferent)toRileyBloom?
Actually,RileyandIsharealotincommon.I
knowwhatit'sliketobethebabyofthefamily,andthoughIhatetoadmitit,I'vealso
beenknowntohogthemicrophonewhile
playingRockBandontheWii!
Howdoyoucomeupwithyour
characters?
290/299
Honestly,I'mnotreallysure!Thestoryidea
usuallycomesfirst,andthenasI'mbusy
workingonalltheinsandoutsofthenew
worldI'mcreating,thecastjustsortof
appears.
Whatwasyourinspirationforthe
Here&Now,themagicalrealmwhere
Rileylives?
BackwhenIfirststartedworkingontheIm—
mortalsseries,Ididquiteabitofresearchonmetaphysics,quantumphysics,ghosts,spir-its,andthe

afterlife,etc.,allofwhichsortoffedintotheconceptoftheHere&Now.Iguess,inaway,it'showI
hopetheafterlife

willbe.
Doyoubelieveinghosts?
Inaword--yes.I'vedefinitelyexperienced

enoughunexplainablephenomenatoever
ruleitout.
291/299
Didyougrowupwithanoldersister
thewayRileydid?Howmanybroth-
ersandsistersdoyouhave?
Ihavetwooldersisters,bothofwhomIcompletelyidolized.There'sabitofanagegap
betweenus,oneistenyearsolder,andthe
otherfiveyearsolder,andtrustmewhenI
saythatIdidmybesttoemulatethem.I
listenedtotheirmusic,watchedtheirTV
shows,andreadtheirbooks--allofwhich
waswaymoreappealingthanmyown,more
age-appropriatestuff.AndlikeRiley,Iused
totryontheirclothesandmakeupwhenthey
wereoutwiththeirfriends,thoughIsuspect
thatrevelationwillcomeasnosurpriseto
them!
Wheredoyouwriteyourbooks?
IhaveahomeofficewhereIputinvery,very
longhourssevendaysaweek--butIhavethe
bestjobintheworld,soI'mnot
complaining!
292/299
Haveyoualwayswantedtobea
writer?
Well,first,Iwantedtobeamermaid,and
thenaprincess,buteversincesixthgrade
whenIfinishedreadingmyfirstJudyBlume
book,AreYouThereGod?It'sMe,Mar-
garet,IdecidedI'dratherwriteinstead.I'dalwaysbeenanavidreader,butJudyBlume'sbookswere

someofthefirstthatI

coulddirectlyrelateto,andIknewthenthat
somedayIwantedtotrytowritelikethat
too.
Whatwouldyoudoifyouever
stoppedwriting?
Oh,Ishuddertoeventhinkaboutit.Itruly
can'timaginealifewithoutwriting.ThoughI
supposeI'dprobablystarttravelingmore.
I'vetraveledagoodbitalready,bothwhenI
wasworkingasaflightattendantandjuston
myown,buttherearestillsomanyplaces
293/299
lefttoexplore.Oh,andI'dprobablyenrollinsomeartclassestoo--painting,jewelrymaking,crafty

stufflikethat.

Whatwouldyourreadersbemost

surprisedtolearnaboutyou?
Notlongago,everytimeIfinishedwritinga
bookIwouldcelebratebycleaningmy
house,which,Ihavetosay,wassorelyin
needofitbythen.Butrecently,I'vecometo
realizejusthowverysadandpatheticthatis,sonowIgetapedicureinstead(andsavethe

housecleaningforanotherday)!

295/299
DREAMLAND.Copyright(c)2011byAlyson
Noel,LLC.Allrightsreserved.
SonsCompany,Harrisonburg,Virginia.
Forinformation,addressSquare
Fish,175FifthAvenue,NewYork,NY10010.

ASQUAREFISHBOOK

AnImprintofMacmillan

mackids.com

SquareFishlogodesignedbyFilomena

Tuosto

CoverdesignbyAngelaGoddard

BookdesignedbySusanWalsh

eISBN9781429935685

FirsteBookEdition:August2011
297/299
SquareFishandtheSquareFishlogoare
trademarksofMacmillanandareusedbySt.
Martin'sPressunderlicensefrom
Macmillan.
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-Publica—

tionDataAvailable
FirstEdition:September2011

CoverillustrationbyJulianaKolesova
Flowersandgrass(c)GeraldNowak/pho—
tolibrary;tree(c)Shutterstock

299/299