Terry O'Reilly Second Thoughts

ECOND

HOUGHTS

…Jesse went into the bedroom and stripped for his shower. He

looked at himself in the full-length mirror.

Didn’t do too much damage with the moussaka and the cake. He

ran his hand over his washboard abs. Better go for a run before the
workout at the gym anyway. His man liked him ripped and toned.

Stepping into the warm spray, he began to lather his body. He paid

particular attention to his balls and ass. He began to fantasize what he
had hoped would be happening about then if Denny hadn’t been
assigned that flight. As he continued to massage his erect cock and
rocks, he pushed a finger past the sphincter ring and began to massage
his chute. He added more soap to the mix and began to stroke harder
and faster, all the while picturing the hairy, muscular torso of his lover
positioned above him, smiling as he pumped his thick manhood into
his hole.

Wishing he had three hands, he removed one hand from his ass and

began to massage his nipples. That connection between his tits and
cock was true to form, and before Jesse was really ready, he began to
shoot ropes of creamy, white cum onto the walls of the shower stall.
What happened at that moment surprised and unnerved him. In his
mind’s eye, Denny had faded, Nick taking his place.

“Oh…yes, Nicky. Yeah, man, fuck me. Nick, fuck me.”
Trembling, Jesse steadied himself with one hand against the wall,

while he pumped the last dribbles of cum from his soap-covered cock.

Where did that come from? Shit, I know where it came from. That

dude is one hot number. Better watch myself when Dennis gets home.
Don’t want to be screaming out somebody else’s name when I’m with
him…

LSO

ERRY

O’R

EILLY

The Search For Soaring Hawk

SECOND THOUGHTS

TERRY O’REILLY

MBER

UILL

RESS

, LLC

http://www.AmberQuill.com

ECOND

HOUGHTS

MBER

UILL

RESS

OOK

This book is a work of fiction.

All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the

author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously.

Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales,

or events is entirely coincidental.

Amber Quill Press, LLC

http://www.AmberQuill.com

No portion of this book may be transmitted or

reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in

writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief

excerpts used for the purposes of review.

ISBN 978-1-60272-739-7

Layout and Formatting provided by: Elemental Alchemy

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

This book is dedicated to Dave Lake,

for his help, encouragement and love.

A huge thank you to Drew Hunt

for his continued support of my work.

SECOND THOUGHTS

CHAPTER 1

The phone was ringing.
“Damn,” Jesse exclaimed as he placed the hot moussaka pan he

had just taken out of the oven onto the stove top. He pulled off his
oven mitts, reached for the handset and checked the caller ID.

“Dennis Christopoulos! You better not be calling to tell me—”

he said aloud before pressing the accept call button. “Hello,
Denny, where the hell are you? You’re supposed to be walking in
the door, not calling me on the phone.”

“Sorry, babe,” came the response.
Jesse recognized the apologetic tone in his boyfriend’s voice.

Here we go again.

“I’m in Detroit. I was waiting for a flight stand-by to get back

to Chicago, and they asked me to take another trip. One of the

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attendants called in sick…last minute.”

“Shit, Dennis!”
“I know. You’re upset—”
“Upset? Hell, yes, I am. It’s our anniversary! I got the table all

set on the patio, the candles ready to light and a fuckin’
moussaka—”

“That’s moussa-ka,” Denny interrupted.
“What?” replied a flustered Jesse.
“It’s moussa-ka,” said Denny accenting the last syllable. “You

pronounced it wrong.”

“Shit, whatever!” Jesse said trying to contain his irritation.

“Moussaka, moussa-ka…it’s coagulating on the stove. Couldn’t
you tell them no just once? This is the third time this month.”

“Jess, please.” Denny was trying to sound soothing. He was

speaking in his sexy low baritone. “You know how things are at
the airline. They’re laying off attendants right and left with the
merger with Delta. I gotta be co-operative. Please, sweetheart,
don’t be mad.”

As usual, when handsome Dennis Christopoulos turned on the

charm, Jesse melted.

“Okay, I’m sorry I got mad, but, Jesus, Denny, it’s our

anniversary. You’re way over your allotted flight time this month.
Where are they sending you? Not out of the country again? When
will you be home?”

“No, not out of the country. It’s just to Miami. Then the return

flight is tomorrow evening and it’s direct to O’Hare. I won’t have
to hitch a ride to get home. Okay? I got a big anniversary package
to share with you, babe. I’m rubbin’ it right now!”

Jesse smiled at the thought of that big anniversary package.

Denny was hung, and being that he was a short guy with a

SECOND THOUGHTS

gymnast’s build, the size contrast made it seem even bigger. He
caved all the way. “Okay, okay, I forgive you. Just be sure I get to
unwrap that package as soon as you get home. None of that ‘I’m
too tired stuff’ this time,” Jesse admonished, but with a smile in his
voice.

“I promise. Hey, I gotta go. They’re givin’ us the crew call.

Time to be briefed. See you tomorrow.”

“Denny?”
“Yeah?”
“Happy Anniversary.”
“Oh, yeah, Happy Anniversary, Jess.”
“I love you—”
“Yeah…here, too. Gotta go. ’Bye.”
Jesse sighed and hung up. He looked at the steaming moussaka

still bubbling on the stove, then at Shelby, the blue tick/beagle
mutt he and Denny had adopted on their last anniversary. She
raised her head, looking up at him with her soulful brown eyes.
Jesse crouched down and scratched behind her long, soft ears.

“Well, girl, guess it’s just you and me, again. Ya want some

moussaka? Just as a special treat, now. Can’t be gettin’ people
food all the time. You’ll get fat.”

Shelby licked Jesse’s hand. He stood up.
“We have to wait a bit till the moussaka sets up; otherwise, it’ll

be too runny.”

Shelby got up and sat next to Jesse, stretching her nose to the

countertop, as if she understood what had been offered. Jesse went
ahead and tossed the salad with Caesar dressing. He was just about
to sprinkle the Parmesan when the door chime rang.

Shelby was up and off to the door in a flash. Her strange

crooning bark filled the room as she ran out of the kitchen.

SECOND THOUGHTS

“Shelby, that’ll do!” Jesse was right behind her.
Mrs. Kloswick, their sometimes-nice, sometimes-crabby,

always-nosey, next-door neighbor in the row of townhouses, hated
Shelby’s bark, although she liked the dog well enough otherwise, it
seemed.

“That’ll do,” he repeated as he reached for a doggie treat from

a small basket that hung from a bracket next to the door. Shelby
immediately stopped baying and sat.

“Good girl,” Jesse said, giving her the treat and petting her

head.

He peeked through the peephole and saw a young man standing

on the stoop, hands in his pockets, bouncing on his toes. Jesse
didn’t recognize the guy, but immediately appreciated the set of
muscles displayed in the tight-fitting, sleeveless tee he wore. Jesse
opened the door. Shelby stood up and furiously wagged her tail.

“Hey,” a deep voice sounded, “I’m your new neighbor, other

side of Mrs…Klos…Klos?”

“Kloswick,” Jesse offered. Shelby now took it upon herself to

give the new neighbor a proper welcome. She walked out on the
stoop to sniff his crotch and then jumped on him to try to lick his
face.

“Shelby, down,” Jesse ordered.
“Hey, no problem,” the young man said as he crouched and

ruffled both of the dog’s long, silky ears and let her give his chin a
good cleaning.

“Got one of my own,” he said, standing. “Clyde’s a basset. His

main goal in life is to get my attention. Yeah, kinda like you,
Shelby,” he said, bending to stroke the dog’s head once more.

If first impressions counted for anything, Jesse was impressed.

The guy had looks, muscles and loved dogs: the trifecta. If this had

SECOND THOUGHTS

been a couple of years ago, before Denny, he definitely would be a
person of interest. Not that Jesse wasn’t interested now. Just not in
the same way.

“What can I do for you?” Jesse asked.
“Can I use your phone? They haven’t hooked up my landline.

My cell is dead and I can’t find where I packed the charger.”

“Sure, come on in.” Jesse held the door and his new neighbor

entered, followed by an adoring Shelby. As the man passed by,
Jesse had a chance to check out his cute little butt, which matched
the rest of his muscular body.

The guy turned around. Jesse brought his eyes up just in time.

“I’m Nick, by the way,” he said, offering his hand. “Nick
Warden.”

Jesse took the proffered hand. It was warm and the grip firm.

“Nice to meet you. Jesse, Jesse Jamison. Yeah, yeah, I get that a
lot,” he said, laughing as Nick raised both hands as if Jesse James,
the outlaw, had pulled a revolver. “The phone is over here,” he
added, pointing to the handset on the coffee table. “You got a
problem in the condo?”

“Yeah, the electric stove doesn’t work. I tried the breaker box

and the coil insert. No luck. I’m calling the super to see if there’s
anything he can do tonight.”

“Good luck with that.” Jesse laughed as he returned to the

kitchen to finish the salad he had started. He checked the
moussaka. It was ready for serving.

A few moments later, Nick came into the room. “Thanks for

the phone. They can’t do anything until tomorrow, so I guess it’s
McDonald’s again tonight. Hey, that smells great.”

Jesse looked from Nick to the food that was now ready to be

served. On an impulse, he said, “Why don’t you stay for dinner?”

SECOND THOUGHTS

“Oh, geez! I didn’t mean…I mean I wasn’t hinting…” Nick

was clearly embarrassed.

“No problem, man. I got more than enough here.”
“Well, okay if you say so,” Nick replied, the color that had

risen into his cheeks receding.

“Come on. We’ll eat on the patio.”
He handed Nick the salad, picked up the moussaka and

indicated Nick should follow him. When they reached the patio
with its neatly set table for two, candles, flowers and champagne
cooling in a bucket of ice, Nick stopped and said, “Are you
expecting someone? Am I gonna create a problem here?”

Jesse sighed. “No, my boyfriend was supposed to come home

tonight to celebrate our anniversary.” He thought he detected a
trace of disappointment cross Nick’s handsome face. “He’s an
attendant for Northwest…no, make that Delta,” said Jesse,
reminding himself of the merger that was intent on interfering with
his love life. “But he couldn’t make it…had to work…at the last
minute.” Jesse felt his irritation at being stood up…again. It
seemed to be happening a lot lately. “So, I guess you’ll just have to
stand in for him.” Then realizing the implication of what he had
just said, added, “Just for dinner, of course.” Now it was his turn to
blush.

Nick chuckled softly. “I understand.”
Jesse popped the cork on the champagne and poured them each

a glass. “This might as well not go to waste, either.”

Just then Shelby whined loudly.
“Oh, shit, I forgot,” Jesse said. “I promised her she could have

a taste of the moussaka.” He got up and ran to the kitchen, grabbed
a plate and the basket of rolls he had forgotten, then returned to the
patio. While he was gone, Nick had lighted the candles.

SECOND THOUGHTS

“Hope you don’t mind,” he said with a smile that made Jesse

shiver on the inside.

“No, no not at all. That’s what they’re for.” He returned the

smile.

When he sat down, Nick commented, “You spoil her just like I

do Clyde. I can’t help it, though. He was a rescue, and I just
remember how forlorn he looked in that pen when I went to the
shelter looking for a dog. Those big, sad eyes of his…and skinny?
Man, I don’t understand how anyone can treat a dog that way.”

Jesse had been serving the moussaka while Nick was talking.
“Yeah, I know. Shelby was a pound pup, too.” He placed her

dish with a fair helping of the main course on the patio bricks as he
spoke. She dived into it with gusto and was finished before Jesse
had finished serving Nick.

“No, sweetheart, that’s all.” He laughed as she sat wagging her

tail, begging for more.

“How long have you had her?”
“She was my anniversary present a year ago. I begged and

begged Denny for a dog. Denny—that’s my boyfriend—finally
gave in. He wanted to go the purebred route, but there are so many
great dogs that need homes. I convinced him to check out some of
the rescue sites. That’s where we found her. Didn’t we, girl?” he
said, reaching down and offering her a piece of bread.

“Denny says I spoil her, too. He really doesn’t care too much

for dogs. He never had one growing up. Oh, he likes Shelby well
enough, but she’s really my dog.”

“You know what he’s getting you this year?”
I got a big anniversary package to share with you, babe. I’m

rubbin’ it right now. Jesse recalled his earlier conversation with
Denny. He smiled. “It’s kind of a surprise, but I have a pretty good

SECOND THOUGHTS

idea of what it is.”

The two men ate, and the conversation continued.
“How long have you two been together?” Nick asked. “This is

great moussaka by the way,” he added.

“Thanks. This is two years. Pretty good record for the gay

world.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m finding out.”
Jesse raised his eyes to Nick’s. So, you do play for our team.
“Just finding someone who wants more than a hook-up is hard

enough, let alone an LTR. How did you guys meet?”

“Well, did I mention he was a flight attendant?”
Nick nodded.
“I guess you could say he picked me up.” Jesse smiled at the

memory. “I was coming home from a convention in St. Louis. He
was the attendant on the flight. Talk about a flirt. Man, he came on
to me like gangbusters. I was sitting on the aisle, and he made sure
he had to lean over me to help the lady sitting by the
window…TMI, right?” Jesse laughed.

Nick smiled.
“Anyway, we got off the plane. He asked if I had time to meet

him for a drink after he checked out, and so I did. We dated for a
few months and then I asked him to move in with me. He lived in
Detroit. So, now he has to commute to work.” They both laughed.

By the end of the meal, the night had turned chilly. Jesse

invited Nick in for black cherry ice cream cake. They sat on the
couch in the living room and talked some more. Jesse was
definitely enjoying his evening with his new neighbor. When they
finished dessert, he offered Nick an after-dinner drink, which he
refused.

“You said you were at a convention in St. Louis when you met

SECOND THOUGHTS

Denny? Is this him?” Nick asked, picking up the photo of Jesse
and a dark, handsome man who stood leaning against the rail on
the deck of a ship, arms around each other’s waist.

“Yes, that’s my Dennis. We were on a cruise to Acapulco.”
“Very nice. He looks Italian.”
“He’s Greek. Christopoulos is his last name.”
Nick replaced the photo.
Jesse continued, “You asked about the convention. I’m a rep

for a textbook company. Was there to be briefed on the new line. I
used to teach science, but the lack of pay got in the way, so to
speak. I took the easy way out and got this job representing the
company’s line of science texts. What about you?”

“I’m gonna be teaching junior high math this fall.”
“Oooh, sorry, man. Hey, teaching is great, though. I don’t mean

to dis it. It just wasn’t takin’ me where I wanted to go.”

“No offense. I may be thinking the same after a couple of

years. This is my first teaching job. I was in the army for two years
after college. Don’t ask me why. I just felt it was my duty or
something.”

“See any action?”
“No, did my whole tour at Bennington, tutoring recruits who

couldn’t read.”

They both laughed.
Just then Shelby got up from where she was dozing, walked

over, sat down and laid her head on Jesse’s lap.

“Time for her w-a-l-k.” Jesse spelled out the word. It did no

good. Shelby stood, crooned her strange bark and trotted over to
the door.

“They’re pretty smart, smarter than we give them credit for,”

Nick said. “I better get home. Clyde will want to go for his walk,

SECOND THOUGHTS

too. Let’s get these dishes done, though. I hate to stick you with
them.”

“Nah, won’t take me that long. Besides, I don’t think the

princess here will wait.”

Jesse had enjoyed Nick’s company so much he didn’t want the

evening to end just yet. “I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you and
Clyde join us? There’s a dog park a couple of blocks over. We can
take ’em there and let them get acquainted. They’re gonna be
neighbors after all.”

“Great.”
Jesse noted genuine enthusiasm in Nick’s acceptance.
Jesse got his light jacket and Shelby’s leash out of the hall

closet. She stood, wagging her tail for all it was worth, as he
clipped the leash to her collar. The two men stepped outside. The
late summer night had turned chilly.

“I better get a jacket, too,” Nick said as he went into his

townhouse, two doors from Jesse’s.

When he came outside, he donned a U of M hoodie and had

Clyde on a leash. The two dogs pulled against their restraints when
they saw one another. Once they were allowed contact, they
sniffed noses and then all the other body parts that are necessary in
doggy etiquette.

“Good thing we don’t have those rituals,” Jesse said with a

laugh.

“Oh, I don’t know. Could prove interesting,” Nick rejoined.
Their eyes met for an instant. Jesse felt a stirring in his briefs.
The moment passed and the two men and their dogs made for

the dog park. Shelby and Clyde contentedly walked side by side,
occasionally stopping to sniff to determine who had recently
passed that way.

SECOND THOUGHTS

When they arrived, there were only two other dogs in the

enclosure. Jesse greeted the owners with a wave. They sat on one
of the benches and let the two hounds off leash. They bounded
away. Or rather, Shelby bounded. Clyde, being lower to the ground
and longer, sort of galumped. The men laughed. After a brief time
of checking out the other dogs, the two new friends began a game
of chase, attack and roll with Clyde doing most of the chasing,
Shelby the attacking, and both rolling.

“They sure get along well,” Jesse commented. “I mean they

just met and they’re playing like they’ve known each other a long
time.”

“Yeah, sort of like us,” Nick said without looking at Jesse.
Jesse turned to Nick, who didn’t return the glance. Nick just

kept smiling and watching their two pets frolic among the wood
chips.

After an hour of hard play, the dogs returned to their owners

and lay panting at their feet.

“Guess it’s time to go home, guys,” Nick said.
They re-connected the leashes and headed for the townhouses.

They came to Nick’s first.

“You sure I can’t help with K.P.?”
Jesse was tempted. He had enjoyed his evening with Nick. He

was easy to talk to, had a good sense of humor, and was sure
attractive enough. Even so, he said, “No, thanks. I can handle it.
But hey, thanks for a great evening. You took my mind off the
bummer of not having my guy home to celebrate.”

“No problem…anytime,” Nick replied. Then he knelt between

the two dogs, who were sitting next to each other, their heads
swinging back and forth as the men chatted.

“Well, you two sure hit it off,” he said, rubbing their necks. “I

SECOND THOUGHTS

bet you’d like a sleepover some time, wouldn’t you?” He directed
the comment to Shelby, but ended the statement looking up at
Jesse and smiling.

Jesse broke the eye contact.
Nick stood up. “Thanks again for dinner. We’ll do it again

sometime.”

“Yeah, sure, I’d like that.” Jesse waved as he walked away,

trying to focus on Dennis and tomorrow when he would come
home to celebrate their anniversary.

After walking into the house, Jesse bent to remove Shelby’s

leash. She went to her water bowl and drank noisily, then flopped
down on the hallway floor, apparently exhausted from her romp
with her new friend.

Jesse crouched down and scratched her. Her tail whomped the

floor, but she didn’t raise her head.

“He tuckered you out, did he?” Jesse said softly, still stroking

her head. “Well, you rest while Daddy cleans up this mess.”

Jesse stood with his hands on his hips surveying the remnants

of the meal he had shared with Nick.

Maybe I shoulda taken him up on his offer to help me clean up.

Woulda been nice to have someone help out with kitchen chores
for a change. God knows it would kill Denny to even suggest it.

That thought reminded him of his boyfriend. He went to the

phone to see if there was a voicemail. There was. Jesse dialed the
code and listened to the dulcet female voice tick off his options. He
pressed one and got Denny’s message.

“Hey, babe, guess you’re out walkin’ the dog. The flight was

uneventful, as usual. I’m really sorry we couldn’t be together
tonight. I’ll be home about eight tomorrow night and we can
celebrate then. Okay? Wish you were here. The weather is great

SECOND THOUGHTS

here in Miami and a nice midnight swim in the ocean would hit the
spot, and you know which spot I mean.” He chuckled seductively.
“See you tomorrow. Love you. ’Bye.”

Jesse smiled. Well, at least I got a voicemail. Usually he forgets

to call.

Jesse went about the business of finishing up the dishes. There

was still enough moussaka for dinner the next day, and after a day
of marinating, it probably would be better than tonight’s. He could
get some fresh greens for the salad and new candles, too. And
another bottle of champagne, he thought as he dropped the one he
and Nick had killed into the recycle bin.

That task completed, he checked on Shelby. She had moved

from the hallway floor to the couch in the living room.

“Shel,” Jesse admonished, hands on hips. “You know what

Daddy Denny would say if he caught you on the couch.”

Apparently Shelby did know because she slithered off the sofa

onto the floor, giving Jesse one of those “oh all right, be that way”
looks. Jesse knew she’d be back on the sofa as soon as he left the
room. She always was when Denny banished her from the
bedroom at bedtime, but she was clever enough to get caught only
rarely.

Jesse then went into the bedroom and stripped for his shower.

He looked at himself in the full-length mirror.

Didn’t do too much damage with the moussaka and the cake.

He ran his hand over his washboard abs. Better go for a run before
the workout at the gym anyway. His man liked him ripped and
toned.

Stepping into the warm spray, he began to lather his body. He

paid particular attention to his balls and ass. He began to fantasize
what he had hoped would be happening about then if Denny hadn’t

SECOND THOUGHTS

been assigned that flight. As he continued to massage his erect
cock and rocks, he pushed a finger past the sphincter ring and
began to massage his chute. He added more soap to the mix and
began to stroke harder and faster, all the while picturing the hairy,
muscular torso of his lover positioned above him, smiling as he
pumped his thick manhood into his hole.

Wishing he had three hands, he removed one hand from his ass

and began to massage his nipples. That connection between his tits
and cock was true to form, and before Jesse was really ready, he
began to shoot ropes of creamy, white cum onto the walls of the
shower stall. What happened at that moment surprised and
unnerved him. In his mind’s eye, Denny had faded, Nick taking his
place.

“Oh…yes, Nicky. Yeah, man, fuck me. Nick, fuck me.”
Trembling, Jesse steadied himself with one hand against the

wall, while he pumped the last dribbles of cum from his soap-
covered cock.

Where did that come from? Shit, I know where it came from.

That dude is one hot number. Better watch myself when Dennis
gets home. Don’t want to be screaming out somebody else’s name
when I’m with him.

Jesse got out of the shower, dried himself, applied his night

creams, donned a pair of PJ bottoms and padded into the bedroom.
He got into bed and switched on the TV with the remote. Shelby
stuck her head around the door. She sidled to the bed and laid her
head on Jesse’s hand.

“Oh, all right,” he said, patting the side of the mattress. “When

the cat’s away—”

Shelby jumped joyfully onto the bed and rolled around on her

back, eventually coming to rest curled up next to Jesse with her

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head on his stomach.

Jesse looked at her, patted her head and smiled. “Just

remember, you don’t do this when he’s here. We’ll both catch
hell.” I’ll wash the bedclothes tomorrow morning.

Jesse settled himself and focused on what the news anchor was

saying.

“The tropical depression just off the Miami coast is moving

north. Right now it doesn’t appear it’ll come ashore, but it has
doused the Florida coast with torrential rains and dangerously high
surf all day. There has been a lot of beach erosion and flooding of
streets. If the storm stays offshore it has the potential of
strengthening. If so, it’ll become Tropical Storm Deirdre.”

They went to a commercial break, and Jesse switched off the

TV. He turned on his side and got settled with Shelby pressed to
his chest. His eyes were heavy and he started to doze.

Then his eyelids popped open as he recalled the newscaster’s

words—It has doused the Florida coast with torrential rains and
dangerously high surf all day.

How did that jive with Denny’s voice mail? Wish you were

here. The weather is great and a nice midnight swim in the ocean
would hit the spot, and you know which spot I mean?

SECOND THOUGHTS

CHAPTER 2

Jesse hadn’t slept well. The inconsistency between the weather

report and Denny’s assessment of the climatic conditions worried
him. He had tossed and turned. His restlessness caused Shelby to
give up and abandon him to sleep on the floor. Finally convincing
himself there had to be a logical explanation, he’d drifted off to
sleep.

The next morning he stood in his running shorts and tank top at

the kitchen counter, drinking an OJ, taking his multivitamin, and
getting ready for his morning run.

“Now for your tropical update,” the meteorologist on the

countertop TV, which he had switched on, was saying.
“Strengthening overnight into Tropical Storm Deirdre, the system
has moved north up Florida’s East Coast. It has not moved on

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shore. It is expected to strengthen as it travels over the open waters
of the Atlantic. We’re hoping that high pressure over the northeast
will keep Deirdre from making landfall. This storm carries a lot of
moisture, though, dumping over nine inches of rain on the Miami
area in the last twenty-four hours. Orlando has received—”

Jesse switched off the TV. He didn’t want to hear any more. He

looked at Shelby. She was sitting, waiting patiently for the next set
of directions.

“Come on, let’s run.”
Those words set her into a wiggling frenzy. He got her leash,

clipped it on her collar and headed out the front door. He nearly
collided with Nick, who was jogging up the walk toward his door.

“Hey, good morning, Jess,” he said. “I was just gonna ask you

if you wanted to come for a run. Hi, Shelby.” He bent and petted
the deliriously happy hound. “I see you’re ready to work off that
moussaka, too.”

“Yeah, we need to keep our girlish figures,” Jesse quipped.
Nick stood with his hands on his hips and gave Jesse a slow up

and down appraisal. “That don’t look like no girl to me,” he said
with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, I try,” Jesse returned, somehow pleased he was meeting

with Nick’s approval.

“And you’re succeeding,” Nick added.
“Thanks. Hey, why don’t you go get Clyde and we’ll take them

both with us.”

Nick laughed. “Duh! You remember Clyde, right…basset

hound, three-inch long legs, burn marks from tummy dragging on
the ground?”

“Oh, yeah, right. I guess he’s more the power walker type.”

Jesse laughed as well.

SECOND THOUGHTS

The two men, with Shelby between them, took off down the

block at a steady medium pace. They followed the same route as
the previous night on their way to the dog run, which was part of a
larger park system.

It felt good to run with another guy. Denny worked out

regularly, but he hated jogging, so Jesse had stopped inviting him
to come along. He watched Nick covertly as they pounded the
pavement. He was a natural athlete. His stride was smooth, no
wasted energy, poetry in motion. After a good half-hour, they
slowed to a walk. They had worked up a good sweat, and Shelby’s
tongue was hanging out.

“Hey, that was super,” Nick enthused. “Now, I just have to

locate a good gym to work out in and I’m set. You got any ideas?”

“Sure do,” Jesse said, excited at the prospect of seeing more of

this guy. “Denny and I belong to Sid’s. It’s not a franchise—it’s
small, privately owned, well equipped and affordable. Not usually
very crowded. Has all the stuff the big places do. I’m going over
this afternoon. You want to join me? I can get you in as a guest.”

“That’d be great. I got the guy comin’ to check out the stove

this morning, but I should be free later. Say about two?”

“If he gets done earlier, come on over and we can do lunch

somewhere. I have some shopping to do, then we can hit the gym.
But whatever works, I’m pretty flexible.”

Once again Jesse cottoned onto the possible double meaning of

his words and blushed.

“I’ll take your word for it,” said Nick, smiling.
“God, I keep putting my foot in my mouth, don’t—”
Nick laughed. “I guess you are flexible.”
Jesse laughed along with him. He was easy to be with. Jesse

liked Nick more all the time.

SECOND THOUGHTS

“Two o’clock then, if not earlier,” Jesse said.
Nick clapped him on the shoulder. “It’s a date,” he said and

turned up his walk.

As Jesse walked away, he looked toward Nick’s place in time

to see him looking at him, just as he was about to enter his house.
They both smiled and waved. Nick disappeared inside.

Sure glad he moved in here, Jesse thought. As he continued on

his way, the door of the townhouse between his and Nick’s
opened, and Mrs. Kloswick, dressed in a wildly colorful flowered
dress and wide-brimmed straw hat, carrying a basket of gardening
tools, emerged. The woman smiled and waved him over.

“Good morning, Jesse…Shelby,” she said, bending a little at

the waist to pet the hound, who had sat obediently in front of her.

“Good morning, Mrs. K.,” Jesse responded. “Something I can

do for you?”

“No, not really.”
Jesse knew better.
“I was just wondering about our new neighbor?”
“Nick, Nick Warden,” Jesse offered.
“Hmm, nice ordinary name. Seems you two have hit it off

pretty well. Walking the dogs together last night and jogging this
morning.”

Jesse chuckled to himself. Still keepin’ tabs on all of us behind

those lace curtains, eh, Mrs. K.?

“Yes, he’s a nice guy.” Then anticipating Mrs. K’s next

question he added, “He’s a teacher.”

“Hmmm.” She nodded and looked expectant.
“And he’s single.”
“Ah, how nice,” Mrs. Kloswick said, looking over her shoulder

toward Nick’s door. “I should really get to know him. My niece,

SECOND THOUGHTS

Angela, is coming to visit later this month, you know.”

Jesse merely smiled. No need to burst your balloon just now

with a news flash on Nick’s sexual preference.

Mrs. Kloswick started to turn away, then turned back. “He has

a dog.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Yes, a basset, named Clyde.”
“Well, let’s hope he’s not as noisy as you, dear,” she said,

patting Shelby’s head once more. Shelby cocked her head to one
side as if to say, Noisy, me? Mrs. Kloswick put her basket down,
turned to her roses and started pruning.

With that, Jesse knew they were dismissed, audience over.
“Goodbye, Mrs. K. See ya,” he said.
She waved the pruning shears at him without looking up.
Back at the townhouse, he gave Shelby her breakfast.
“Sorry, girl,” he said as she sat looking forlornly at the bowl of

dry dog food. “I told you last night that the moussaka was a one-
time thing.”

He flipped on the counter TV while she lay down on the floor,

the bowl between her paws, to make up her mind whether she
should accept this as the fare of the day or if she should start a
hunger strike. He turned to the Weather Channel. The “local-on-
the-8s” was just finishing. It was going to be sunny and warm in
Chicago and points east, including Detroit. He sipped a glass of
water. He heard the crunch of dog food being consumed. He
looked down. Shelby had decided not to starve after all.

“Good girl,” he said encouragingly.
She looked at him. Yeah, right, she seemed to say.
Jesse decided to take a quick shower. He knew he would be

showering again at the gym. The thought of showering next to
Nick and getting a good look at the man and his assets caused him

SECOND THOUGHTS

to consider a quick j.o. session just to make sure his own
equipment behaved itself; it wasn’t at the moment. He thought
better of it, remembering Denny would be home that night. He
wanted to have a full load to deliver to his man, and he had already
blown one load the night before.

About quarter after twelve, the bell rang. Shelby was on it with

her crooning bay.

“That’ll do,” Jesse said.
She sat and accepted her reward for good behavior.
He opened the door. Nick stepped inside, crouched to greet the

dog and said, “I’m all set.”

“What was up with the stove?” Jesse asked.
“It was a fuse. Now I won’t be bugging you for handouts.” He

stood up smiling. “Am I too early?”

“No, we’re good. We can catch some lunch. I’ll get my

shopping done quickly and then we can hit the gym.”

“Okay, but lunch is on me. You fed me last night.”
“Not necessary, but it’s a deal. Just let me get my gym bag.

You got your stuff?”

“Yeah, it’s in the car.”
They got into Nick’s Honda. Since Nick was new to the area,

Jesse made the choice where to eat. They went to a sports bar not
too far from their condos. Jesse gave Nick directions as they drove.

“Welcome to Shark City, gentlemen,” the server in a tight

fitting, short sleeve umpire’s shirt, said once they were seated.
“I’m Charlie and I’ll be taking care of you today. Can I get you
anything from the bar?”

“It’s a bit too early for me, Charlie,” said Nick. “I’ll just have

an iced tea with lemon.”

“Make that two,” Jesse chimed in.

SECOND THOUGHTS

“Okay, two iced teas coming right up. Our lunch special today

is lemon-crusted salmon. I’ll be back with your drinks in a jiff.”

Nick looked around the room. There was a huge wall TV

showing a Cubs game, as well as several smaller sets tuned to
various sporting and news channels.

“Nice place,” he commented.
“Yeah, we like it,” Jesse added. “Denny is more of a sports fan

than I am, though. I have to kind of have a connection to the team
to be interested.”

“I know what you mean,” said Nick. “I get into college ball

mainly cuz I graduated from the U of M.”

“Oh-oh. I guess I’m gonna be outnumbered. Denny likes the

Wolverines, too, being from Detroit. I’m an Illini guy myself. Did
my graduate work there. Went to a small liberal arts school here in
the suburbs first. Their football team didn’t win a game until my
senior year. Then they won homecoming, and they cancelled
Monday classes to celebrate.”

More easy laughter was shared between them.
Charlie returned with their iced teas and took their lunch order.

They both chose a light salad and a cup of the soup de jour as they
were going to work out in just a couple hours.

“So, tell me about being gay. Are you out?” Nick asked,

sipping his tea.

“Well, I’m not hidin’ it. I don’t advertise it either. My boss

knows, but I keep it low key at work. I have to go to schools to do
presentations on our book lines. There are still a buncha jerks out
there that think cuz a guy is gay he has to be a predator.”

“Same here, about being out, I mean. Being a teacher, you have

to be careful. Hate that, but comes with the territory. What about
your family? Nick asked.

SECOND THOUGHTS

“They know. I came out to them while I was at school. They

weren’t thrilled, but they accepted it. The shit really hit the fan,
though, when I brought Denny home.”

“What happened?”
“We came home for my sister Eileen’s high school graduation.

I told them ahead of time I was bringing my boyfriend, but I guess
seeing me with a guy was over the top for them. It didn’t help that
Denny kept making a big show of being affectionate with me in
front of everyone. He wouldn’t listen to reason and kept saying the
only way they were gonna get over this was if they got used to
seein’ guys acting ‘normal.’”

“Well, even a straight couple makin’ out in front of a family or

in public makes people uncomfortable. I wouldn’t say that was
normal.”

“Exactly what I told Denny,” Jesse said.
“How did he react?”
“He just got mad and clammed up. Was kinda quiet and distant

for the rest of the visit. We haven’t been back to see my folks
together since. How about you?”

Nick shook his head. “Well, I’m starting a new job and so I’m

not out there. I don’t think I will be, either. Like you, I won’t hide
it, but I won’t announce it. I expect the young, single teacher will
be the target of everyone who has a sister or niece or someone who
needs to find a guy. They’ll be fixin’ me up right and left.”

“You’ve got that right,” Jesse quipped, thinking about his

earlier conversation with their neighbor.

They both chuckled.
“Of course, in the service it was ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ I kept a

real low profile there, though. If they found out you were gay, a lot
of ’em, including officers, expected you to put out. They acted like

SECOND THOUGHTS

you wouldn’t have any problem with that cuz gays are just sex
crazy or something. Problem was some gays were like that.”

“We’re no different than anyone else, really,” said Jesse. “We

run the gamut just like the straight guys do. How about your
family?”

“I don’t know.” Nick stopped and looked like he was thinking

hard. “My mom might suspect cuz she kind of defends me when
Dad starts in with, ‘When you gonna get married and settle down?’
or ‘A man needs a good woman by his side,’ and stuff like that.
Mom just says for him to keep his nose out of my business.

“I have two brothers. One’s younger. They’re both married.

They’re always askin’ when am I gonna have a girlfriend. Mom
steps in there, too, and says, ‘He’s waiting for just the right person
to sweep them off their feet.’ Notice she doesn’t use gender
specific pronouns.”

And some lucky guy is gonna be swept off his feet for sure,

Jesse thought.

At that point, Charlie came back with their meals. They ate

their salads and soup, and talked more about their lives in high
school and college. Jesse found they had very similar experiences.
Both had known they were gay most of their lives, from junior
high on. Both dated girls in high school, but gave it up in college.
Both had their first man-to-man sex with an older man. Jesse’s
experience was more traumatic.

“Yeah, I really was in love with him,” Jesse said. “He always

insisted we meet at a local motel. I was so naïve, it never occurred
to me he was hiding something. Then one day we walked out
together just as his wife was driving into the parking lot of the Bob
Evans next door. They saw one another and that was the last I saw
of him.”

SECOND THOUGHTS

“Well, God, I bet that was hard,” Nick offered.
“Yeah, it was. I was shell-shocked for a long time. Didn’t take

another chance for a couple of years.”

Nick related how a college grad assistant, who was helping

coach the track team, introduced him to the gay experience while
he was on the team at Michigan when he was a freshman. They
were together for a semester. Then they sort of drifted apart. No
sweat on either side. But it showed Nick that gay sex was his forte.

Charlie appeared. “You guys good, or can I show you the

dessert menu?”

“Guess the salads gave us away,” Jesse quipped.
“Yeah kinda.” Charlie smiled.
“We’re good,” Nick said.
He presented them with the check, which Nick took and paid

for with a credit card. Once outside, Jesse thanked him for the
lunch. He waved it off.

“Where to next?”
“Dominick’s Grocery.”
Jesse picked up a cart when they arrived at the store and headed

for the produce section. Nick tagged along. Green mission
accomplished, they went to the wines and beers. Jesse picked out
champagne and a Merlot, then it was on to house wares and
candles. As they walked along together, they talked and laughed.
They stopped at the pet section and checked out the rawhide and
chew sticks. Nick insisted on getting a package for Shelby as well
as Clyde. Once more, Jesse was reminded how different Denny
and Nick were. Denny hated to shop and never would have bought
anything for their dog.

“Next stop, Sid’s,” Jesse announced, immediately anticipating

what would be revealed in that setting.

SECOND THOUGHTS

Arriving at the gym, Jesse signed them in at the front desk. A

very pretty young woman was on duty. She immediately sat up,
put her shoulders back and smiled coyly.

“Hi, Diana. This is Nick Warden. Just moved to town.”
“I do hope you’ll consider taking a membership with us, Mr.

Warden. I think you’ll find we’re a full service establishment.”

Jesse was sure she had emphasized the words “full service” in a

rather suggestive way. He looked at Nick, who smiled back at her,
and said, equally suggestively, “I surely will give it every
consideration.”

As they walked away from the counter toward the double doors

to the men’s lockers, Jesse whispered, “I think you just made her
day.”

“Too bad she’s gonna be disappointed,” Nick replied.
Another round of easy laughter followed their exchange.
The lockers for guests were in the next aisle over from Jesse’s.

Disappointed, he left Nick there and proceeded to his locker. He
changed quickly, hoping to get at least a glimpse of his new friend,
but again was disappointed as Nick rounded the corner just as he
was pulling his tee over his head.

“Dang, you’re fast,” Nick said, with a laugh.
“You, too,” Jesse returned. He couldn’t help but notice how

well Nick filled out his tee and workout shorts.

He led the way to the main gym, stopping to pick up towels

from Sam.

“Hey, Jesse,” called the old man, “see you got yourself a new

friend. ’Bout time.”

Jesse was embarrassed by the towel man’s remark, but tried to

pass it over. He knew Sam had never liked Denny. On more than
one occasion the two of them had had words over seemingly

SECOND THOUGHTS

insignificant issues.

“What’s with him?” Nick queried.
“Nothin’,” Jesse answered. “He’s just a bit weird. He’s gay and

is in heaven with all the men he gets to ogle at this job.”

Nevertheless, Sam’s comment had rattled him.
Leading the way, Jesse opened the doors to the small workout

area. It was equipped with aerobic apparatus, resistance machines
and free weight stations. The usual Saturday afternoon crush had
begun: the clang of dumbbells, the whir of treadmills and the blare
of overhead televisions all assaulted the ears.

“What’s your usual?” Nick asked over the noise.
“Usually do circuits with the machines—three, sometimes

more. Denny says circuits are for sissies. He likes the macho free
weights.”

“Well, I guess I’m a sissy then cuz I like the circuit trainers,

too.”

The two men each went to one of the circuit training machines.

They punched in their workout codes and desired resistances, then
began. Jesse kept a close—but covert—watch on his new friend as
he worked the various muscle groups. He couldn’t tell for sure, but
he felt Nick might just be checking him out as well. After making
three rounds of the machines, which each stressed a different
muscle group, they were both sweating and breathing deeply.
Since they had already done their aerobics with their morning run,
they headed for the locker room and showers.

Stripping off his workout clothes, Jesse donned a towel and

walked around the end of the row of lockers. He was successful
this time. Nick was just straightening up from picking up his
clothes. He stood, totally naked, looked directly at Jesse and
smiled. Jesse realized he had just taken a sharp intake of breath at

SECOND THOUGHTS

the gorgeous male specimen standing unabashedly in front of him.
He felt himself blush.

Nick picked up his towel, wrapped it around his waist and

walked toward him, still smiling that warm, friendly smile.

“Glad you like what you see,” he said.
“Look. I…I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I think you

look wonderful.”

Actually Jesse couldn’t remember being so attracted to another

man in all his life.

“But I have Denny and—”
“And I respect that,” Nick said. “But that doesn’t mean we

don’t still have eyes and can’t appreciate what we find good to
look at. I think you’re one hell of a man yourself. Come on. Let’s
take that shower and enjoy the view.”

In the shower, they talked and laughed. They also casually—

but unashamedly—checked each other out. Jesse noted that Nick
was tall, blond and had the muscular build of an athlete with broad
shoulders and a narrow waist. His ass was smooth and rounded, his
uncut dick, now at half-staff, thick and long. His nuts were full and
plump. He was completely hairless except for a patch of reddish
blond hair around the base of his cock. Nick was in every way the
opposite of Denny, who was short, very muscular and hairy. Jesse
couldn’t help making the mental comparison.

Shower finished, they headed for the dry sauna for a quick

sweat. They sat quietly next to each other and let the deep heat
relax their muscles, tight from their workouts and morning run. It
felt very good to be with Nick. Jesse was completely relaxed and
happy.

Back to the shower for a quick rinse with cool water, then to

dress and head for home.

SECOND THOUGHTS

Nick parked his Honda in front of the townhouse. The men got

out. Jesse got the bag of groceries and his gym bag from the car.
They stood on the sidewalk facing each other.

“Hey, man, I had a great time today,” Nick said.
“Yeah, me, too.” Then because for some reason he didn’t want

the day to end, Jesse added, “Come on over for a bit. We can have
a beer while I get stuff ready for Denny’s homecoming.”

“You sure? I don’t want to be in the way.”
Then, on some unexplainable impulse, Jesse put his gym bag

down, reached up and put his hand around Nick’s neck, pulling
him close. “You’re never gonna be in the way.” Then realizing
what he had just done and said, he dropped his hand and backed
up.

“Okay, just let me get my smelly gym stuff in the washer and

I’ll be over.”

“Bring Clyde with you,” Jesse added. “He probably needs

some company after being cooped up all day. I know Shel would
like to see him.”

“Will do.”
They parted company. As Jesse walked by Mrs. Kloswick’s, he

thought he noticed a movement of the lace curtains in her front
window. He smiled.

Entering the house, he was greeted by an enthusiastic Shelby,

whose happy tail was wagging furiously. Leaving his gym bag in
the hall, he put the bag of groceries on the counter and let her out.
She wasted no time doing her business in the small back yard and
returning to the house.

“You’re gonna have some company while we wait for Daddy

Denny to come home,” Jesse told her.

She sat at his feet and stared intently into his eyes as if trying to

SECOND THOUGHTS

comprehend the message she was being given.

Jesse ruffled her ears and went into the kitchen to unload the

items he had purchased for dinner. While engaged in those
activities, he found himself thinking of the day he had spent with
Nick. Images of the fine body the man possessed, snatches of
laughter they had shared, the ease with which they had talked,
flashed through his mind. Then suddenly he realized something.
I’m preparing an anniversary dinner for my boyfriend, and I’m
obsessing on another guy.

He didn’t have time to dwell on that thought because he heard

the front door open and heard the scratch of paws on the hardwood
floor.

“Hey, we’re here!” called Nick.
Jesse came around the corner from the kitchen to find Nick

kneeling on the floor with two writhing animals. Both were trying
their best to communicate their happiness at being together and
being with this human. Jesse leaned, smiling, against the door
frame and took in the sight, one that made him feel warm inside.

Nick untangled himself from the ecstatic canines and stood up.

The dogs took off for the living room, where they began a game of
wrestle and roll.

“Well, make yourself at home, Clyde, you old hound,” Nick

called after them.

“You, too,” said Jesse warmly. “Come on in here while I get

stuff started.”

They went into the kitchen.
“Here are those chew sticks I picked up for Shelby,” Nick said,

handing Jesse the package.

“Thanks, I know she’ll love ’em.” Jesse placed the package on

the counter.

SECOND THOUGHTS

He got two lite beers from the fridge and handed one to Nick.
“To having great neighbors,” said Nick, holding his bottle up

and toasting Jesse.

“To great neighbors,” Jesse repeated, tapping his brew against

Nick’s.

When Jesse had gotten the moussaka into the oven warming on

low heat, and had made the salad and refrigerated it, they went out
to the patio, set the table and put the champagne on ice. When it
was finished, Nick stood back and said, “Well, the stage is set for a
repeat performance.”

“Yeah, only with a different cast,” Jesse replied, once again

finding himself experiencing strange feelings at making another
comparison between Nick and Denny.

Jesse and Nick returned to the living room with two fresh

beers. They sat on opposite ends of the couch facing each other.
The dogs, tired out from their wrestling match, lay in a puppy pile
on the floor between the men.

As they sat talking quietly, the sound of the front door opening

interrupted their conversation.

“Surprise!” came a loud voice. “I got an earlier flight back,

babe. Get ready to open your anniversary package!”

Denny rounded the corner with his hands encircling his ample

crotch.

SECOND THOUGHTS

CHAPTER 3

“Well, that was a whole lot of fun,” Nick said sarcastically as

he and Clyde exited Jesse’s townhouse and walked toward the
sidewalk. The basset looked up at him with his sad, droopy eyes.
He looked that way all the time. But in light of what had just
transpired, Nick felt it was appropriate.

Nick had recognized Denny as soon as he had come into the

room. Although surprised at how short he was, Jesse’s description
of him as muscular and Mediterranean fit perfectly. If anything,
Denny was even more handsome than Nick had imagined. He had
black wavy hair, startling blue eyes, intensified by a deep olive
complexion and beautifully symmetrical features. A subtly cold
smile and haughty, arrogant manner, however, diminished the
effects of his attributes.

SECOND THOUGHTS

As he walked with Clyde toward his house, Nick couldn’t help

but go over the scene played out just moments before.

As Denny had come into the living room, he’d dropped his

hands from his crotch. “Oh, am I interrupting something?”

Although he’d delivered the line casually, Nick had heard a

steeliness in Denny’s voice and saw the smile fading from his face.

Both Jesse and Nick had stood. The dogs, too, had gotten up

and gone to greet him. Nick noted that, although Shelby had
seemed happy to see the man, her response to him was much more
subdued than one would expect from a dog to its owner and
definitely much less enthusiastic than the greeting he had received
the night before.

“Don’t be silly,” Jesse had responded, crossing the space

between them and giving Denny a hug and a kiss.

“This is Nick Warden, our new neighbor.” Turning to Nick he

said, “Nick, this is Denny Christopoulos, my boyfriend.”

Nick had come forward and offered Denny his hand, who took

it without smiling. Nick recalled how the handshake was neither
firm nor weak, but just sort of perfunctory.

“And this?” Denny had added, pointing at Clyde with his foot

when the men had stopped shaking hands. The dogs had been
sitting, waiting patiently for recognition while the exchange had
been going on.

“That’s Clyde. He belongs to me,” Nick had said pleasantly,

kneeling and giving both dogs a ruff, feeling they deserved some
acknowledgement.

Denny had walked past them and into the living room. “Well,

thank God. For a minute, I thought Miss Bleeding Heart here had
gone out and rescued another one from death row.”

“Dennis—” Jesse had started.

SECOND THOUGHTS

“No, I rescued this one myself,” Nick had said, standing and

facing Denny.

The two men had looked at each other. Nick had begun to

dislike the guy already.

Denny had walked to the patio door. Evidently seeing the table

set for two, he’d turned back and said, “Well, I’ll let you two get
back to your little dinner party.”

“Dennis Christopoulos! Stop acting like a jerk!” Jesse had

exclaimed. “You know very well the party is for us.”

“Look, I’m gonna go and let you two get on with

your…celebration. I still have a lot of unpacking to do. It was nice
meeting you, Denny. Jesse, I’ll see you around,” Nick had said,
wishing to get out of the way and let the couple get back on an
even keel.

Denny hadn’t responded. He had just nodded his head in

Nick’s direction.

Jesse had walked Nick to the door.
“I’m sorry, Nick. I don’t know what’s gotten into him. He’s not

usually this rude.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Nick had replied. “Just go back and

straighten things out with him. Have a good time this evening.”

Nick had spontaneously reached out and squeezed Jesse’s

shoulder. Jesse had smiled at him.

“Come on, Clyde,” Nick had called.
The basset obediently came to the front door and the two of

them left the townhouse.

* * *

“Yoo-hoo. Hello there!” Mrs. Kloswick’s voice broke into

SECOND THOUGHTS

Nick’s reverie.

He looked up to see his next-door neighbor with hose in hand,

watering her roses.

“Oh, hello,” he responded.
She turned off the hose and walked over to him, extending her

hand. “I’m Ursula Kloswick. I don’t believe we’ve met, but I live
here,” she said, indicating the townhouse behind her, “between you
and Jesse.”

Nick politely took her hand and shook it gently. “Hi, I’m Nick

Warden. It’s nice to meet you.”

Nick was still distracted by his encounter with Dennis

Christopoulos. Clyde sat at his feet, smiling his doggie hello with
his tongue hanging out.

“Oh, this is Clyde.”
Mrs. Kloswick bent and patted Clyde’s head. “My, you’re low

to the ground,” she said with a little laugh. “Does he bark much? I
don’t like a lot of barking.”

“No, he’s pretty quiet,” Nick assured her.
“I understand you’re a teacher?”
“Yes, I am.”
“My niece Angela is studying to be a teacher. She’s coming to

visit me soon. I know she’d love to pick your brains about your
experiences,” Mrs. Kloswick said with a sweet smile.

Ah, it starts already, Nick thought. “Well, this is my first year

teaching. I was in the service after college, so I don’t really have a
lot of experiences to share with her yet.”

“But you’re in the same field. So, I know you’ll have lots to

talk about. I’ll let you know when she arrives. Maybe you could
come over and have dinner?”

Oh man! “That would be nice,” Nick replied. “If you’ll excuse

SECOND THOUGHTS

me,” he added, “I’m still up to my neck in packing crates. I need to
start organizing things at home. It was good to meet you.”

“It was lovely to meet you, too, Nicolas. I’ll be sure to let you

know when Angela arrives.”

“That’ll be great,” Nick said, with a sinking feeling inside.
He nodded his good-byes and made his way up the walk to the

door.

* * *

Jesse returned to the living room where Denny was standing,

hands on hips.

“What’s wrong with you? Nick’s our new neighbor. He and I

were just having a beer while I waited for you to come home.
You’re makin’ such a big deal out of it.”

“Well, I come home all ready to make up for last night and find

you with a strange guy. What am I supposed to think?” Denny said
belligerently.

“You’re supposed to think you can trust me. That’s what

commitment is all about.”

Denny looked uncomfortable. “He’s too damn good lookin’ for

his own good. I don’t like him.”

“You don’t even know him,” said Jesse in exasperation.
Denny sighed. “You’re right. I’m just tired is all, I guess. Come

on, let’s start over.” He walked past Jesse and out into the hallway.
“Surprise! Get ready to open your anniversary package,” Denny
said, walking into the room again.

He had his hands cupped around his ample basket, which

caused it to protrude provocatively. Jesse sank to the couch. Denny
walked up to him and pressed his anniversary package against his

SECOND THOUGHTS

mouth, his hands behind Jesse’s head.

* * *

Nick walked into the house and kicked off his shoes. Clyde

padded in behind him and made his way to his dog bed that Nick
had unpacked and placed in the kitchen next to the table. Nick
looked around, feeling—for the first time since he had met Jesse—
alone and empty. There were still boxes to be unpacked. He didn’t
feel like doing that just then.

He went into the living room. Clyde got up from his bed and

followed. There were boxes in this room, too. Clyde sat and looked
up at him.

How the hell can a single guy in a one-bedroom apartment

collect so much shit?

He sat down on the couch and stared at the blank screen of the

TV.

Wonder where I packed the remote. Probably in the same place

I put the fuckin’ charger for the phone. Better get busy and find
them.

Nick hauled himself off the couch and started going through

the boxes in the living room. As soon as he did, Clyde jumped up,
with some effort, onto the sofa, made three circles and settled in.

“Don’t go teachin’ Shelby to do that. She’ll be in trouble with

the Gestapo,” Nick told his dog.

The statement brought back negative feelings from the brief

encounter he had had with Denny. He resolved not to rush to
judgment. After all, the guy had just gotten home from a long trip
and didn’t expect to have his anniversary homecoming interrupted
by some stranger.

SECOND THOUGHTS

Nick busied himself for over an hour with unpacking. He found

both the remote and his cell charger. He plugged the latter in and
placed the phone in it.

Hungry now, he realized he should have done some shopping

at Dominick’s when he was there that afternoon with Jesse. The
thought of that reminded him of the day he had just spent. Jesse
was a fine man: easy to look at, fun to be with.

“And taken,” Nick said as he forced his mind away from those

thoughts and onto what to do for dinner.

Pizza?
Not having a phone book—or a phone for that matter—he

grabbed his keys, called Clyde and went out to the car to find a
pizza restaurant.

Forty-five minutes later the duo returned with a medium meat

lovers and a six-pack of Coors Light.

* * *

Jesse stood in front of the mirror putting gel into his hair.

Denny was just finishing up his shower. He stepped out and
grabbed a towel from the rack. Jesse looked at him in the mirror.
Denny’s thickly muscled body was covered with hair: rich, dark,
curly, black hair. His prick, still half-hard from their previous
activities, was thick. It stood now at a forty-five degree angle to his
body, jutting out from his dense pubic bush. The man’s heavy,
rounded balls, also shrouded in the black shag, were snugged up
tight against his body.

As Denny toweled off, the light caught the droplets of water on

the hairs of his chest and abdomen, making them sparkles like
sequins. Jesse smiled as he felt a tingle run through his body.

SECOND THOUGHTS

Denny looked into the mirror and also smiled. He walked forward
and put his arms around Jesse’s waist, fondling his hardening
manhood. Then standing on his toes, he pressed his semi-
tumescence into the crevice between the taller man’s ass cheeks.
He bit his shoulder.

“How was that for an anniversary present?”
“It’ll do…for now,” Jesse said, squeezing Denny’s thick cock

with his glutes.

“That mean we got another round coming later?”
Jesse turned around and took Denny into his arms. He tilted the

shorter man’s face up to his and kissed him. Tongues swirled and
probed.

“You can count on it,” he said. “Right now, we have a dinner to

eat.”

“I’d rather have a second course of what I had to eat just a few

minutes ago,” said Denny, kneading Jesse’s firm buttocks.

“Patience, my man. We’ve got all night.”
Denny reached up to kiss him again. “Yeah, we do.”

* * *

Nick sat on the couch with the pizza box on his knees and a

beer on the end table. Clyde was sitting expectantly at his feet.
Nick didn’t like the crust, so that was Clyde’s portion, along with a
hunk of sausage or two.

After dinner, he took Clyde out for the last trek of the night. As

he got to the end of his walk, he was tempted to go by Jesse’s, but
thought better of it. Turning in the opposite direction, he walked to
the dog park and let Clyde off his leash.

After a half-hour, he was home and sitting in front of the TV,

SECOND THOUGHTS

watching reruns of Law and Order SVU. This show was about a
man avenging the death of his gay brother, who died of AIDS
because his partner didn’t disclose his status. For some reason, it
made him worry about Jesse.

At ten o’clock, he decided to go to bed. After taking care of his

nightly duties, including a trip to the back yard for the dog’s
benefit, he lifted Clyde onto the queen. The dog immediately found
his spot and curled up. Nick stretched out shirtless on the covers.
For a long time, he stared at the ceiling. After some time, his right
hand slowly made its way under the waistband of his loungers and
began to pull his soft pubic bush gently. His left hand played with
his nipple. Trying to keep his mind blank and focused solely on the
physical sensations he was creating, Nick raised his hips and
pushed his pants down around his knees.

He began to fondle his balls, stroke his perineum and roll his

dick around, pressing it against his stomach. As his cock became
harder, he pulled his foreskin back and smeared the pre-cum now
oozing from the slit around the shining glans. He began to stroke
himself, moving the hood back and forth over the crown of his
dick. His legs began to tighten and relax. So did his ass as his
excitement increased. The pace of his stroking speeded up, and he
lost the battle of keeping his mind blank.

Nick conjured up images of Jesse at the gym as he worked out

his well-defined chest, his strong back and his bulging biceps.
Then to the shower, where the man’s beautiful, long, full cock had
arched, partially erect, as the two men had exchanged visual
inspections. Jesse’s chest and flat abs, covered with a soft, short,
light brown hair leading to a lush tangle just above the thick base
of his dick caused Nick to moan. In his mind, Nick watched Jesse
turn and rinse the soap from his body, the water cascading over the

SECOND THOUGHTS

globes of his well-formed butt, covered again with that fringe of
hair.

The thought of penetrating that beautiful ass, uniting with the

man, pushed Nick over the edge. His legs trembled uncontrollably
and he began to shoot volleys of thick, white cum over his chest
and stomach. As he did, he involuntarily shouted, “Jesse, I love
you. I love you, Jess.”

* * *

“Jess, this is really good. Did you make it different this time?”

Denny asked as the two men sat on the patio eating the meal Jesse
had prepared the day before. The candle flames swayed in the light
breeze that blew from the north, cooling the late August evening.

“No, it’s your mom’s recipe, but since I made it yesterday it

had a chance to marinate. Seems sauces like this get better with
age.”

Shelby sat looking intently at the table. She was drooling.
“What’s with her? You been feeding her from the table again?”
Jesse looked sheepish. “Well, you weren’t coming home, so I

told her she could have some. So, when Nick and I sat down to
eat—”

Denny looked up. Anger flashed in his eyes. He lowered his

fork slowly to the table.

“When you and Nick sat down to eat?” he said accentuating

each word.

“Yeah, well…” Jesse realized he had made a major error.
“So, Nick gets our anniversary dinner, and I get leftovers?”
“Denny, listen, please. I don’t understand. You seem so tense

tonight. Nick came over to use the phone. His stove wasn’t

SECOND THOUGHTS

working. I had all this food. Denny?”

“What?” Denny was looking away into the backyard.
Jesse reached out and put his hand over his boyfriend’s. Denny

pulled his away.

“Is he gay?”
“Yes, but what difference does that make?”
“What difference does that make? What difference does that

make?” Denny said, his voice getting louder. “If he was straight,
he wouldn’t have put the make on my boyfriend.” He said the final
word in a mocking accusatory way.

“Denny, nothing happened. He didn’t put the make on me. We

just had dinner and walked the dogs.”

“So you had a little doggie walk tete-a-tete. Since I don’t like

to walk the fuckin’ mutt, you had to go find someone who would.”

“Dennis, this is getting ridiculous. I don’t know what’s gotten

into you tonight, but you’ve never acted this jealous before. I
swear there’s nothing going on between Nick and me. We just met,
we may become friends, but you’re my boyfriend. You’re the one I
love.”

These words seemed to get through to Denny. He sighed and

looked down at his hands on the table. He ran his tongue over his
lips. Finally, he reached out and took one of Jesse’s hands in his.
“You’re right. I am being ridiculous. I’m sorry.”

“Forgiven.” Jesse squeezed Denny’s hand.
They began eating again.
“Just so you know. We jogged this morning, had lunch together

and worked out at the gym.” Jesse waited hesitantly for Denny’s
reaction.

Denny smiled. “You see him in the buff?”
“Yeah.”

SECOND THOUGHTS

“He built?”
“Yeah.”
“Better than me?”
“No one is better than you.” Jesse smiled.
So did Denny.
“He big?”
“Don’t know. He wasn’t hard.”
They both laughed.
They ate for a few minutes. “If he was hard, what do ya think?”
“Dennis!”
“Well, just wondering. He is kinda cute you know.”
“Now who should be jealous?” Jesse said, teasing.
They finished eating, and Denny retired to the living room and

switched on the TV.

Jesse went to the kitchen to clean up the meal. When he joined

Denny he was carrying two dishes of ice cream. He came in just in
time for the tropical update on the weather channel.

“Tropical Storm Deirdre has moved up the coast and it looks

like she will veer off into the Atlantic. There is no threat to the U.
S. mainland. Aside from the sizeable amount of rain the storm
dumped on the eastern Florida coast, Deirdre is a non-event,
weather wise.”

Jesse stared at the screen for a few seconds, trying to decide

how to bring up his concerns. Finally, he said, “You know the
other night when you called and said you wished I was in Miami
with you cuz the weather was great and a midnight swim would be
cool?”

“Yeah?” Denny responded hesitantly.
“Well, this storm was dumping a load of rain on Miami…”
Denny looked flustered. Then regaining control, he said,

SECOND THOUGHTS

“I…uh….I was actually in Tampa.”

“Tampa? But you said you were assigned the trip to Miami.”
“You know how it is. You fly for so many days and are in and

out of so many airports, you hardly know where you are. I don’t
usually go to Tampa. I have the Miami run all the time, so I got the
cities mixed up.” He took the bowl of ice cream from Jesse’s hand.
“Come on, sit down and enjoy your first dessert. The second one is
gonna be even better.” He gave Jesse an evil grin.

Jesse sat, and they ate the ice cream. He accepted what Denny

had said about being in Tampa, not Miami. He knew the hectic
flight schedules and quick layovers could be disorienting. He felt
relieved: he knew there had to have been a logical explanation. As
Jesse was getting up to take the empty bowls to the kitchen,
Denny’s cell phone rang. Jesse stopped, turned and looked back at
Denny.

Don’t let it be another emergency flight assignment!
“Hello. Oh…uh…hi.” Denny looked at Jesse. He waved him

on.

Jesse started out of the room but stopped again in the doorway.

Denny got up and walked toward the patio. As he was going out
the door, Jesse thought he heard him say, “This is not a good
time—”

SECOND THOUGHTS

CHAPTER 4

Denny slid the patio door shut behind him. Through the pane

he saw Jesse, brow wrinkled, looking concerned, turn and walk out
of sight into the kitchen.

“I told you not to use this number unless it was an emergency. I

said I’d call you!” Denny growled with intensity, while at the same
time trying to keep his voice down.

“Well, this is an emergency,” came a husky, slightly slurred

voice over the phone. “I’ve got a hard-on that just won’t go away
and I need you to take care of it.”

“Shit, Carter, you’re in Detroit, and I’m in Chicago. How the

hell am I supposed to take care of your ‘emergency’? And besides,
Jesse is here. I can’t give you phone sex with him in the next
room!”

SECOND THOUGHTS

“I know, I know, but I miss you, man. Last night was just too

good.” Carter’s voice had returned to a more normal tone. “I’m
sorry, but…well, I miss you.”

Denny gave an exasperated sigh. He had met Carter several

weeks earlier on a flight from Hong Kong to Honolulu. It had been
instant attraction on both sides. Carter was older. He was
handsome and built like a line backer: broad shoulders, narrow
waist, deep chest, and fantastic bubble butt. His winning smile and
salt-and-pepper hair and ’stache had caused Denny to go weak in
the knees as the man boarded the plane and Denny greeted him.
Their eyes met, and he instantly knew.

As the man exited the plane, he’d pressed a note into Denny’s

hand. “Kahala Hotel, Room 746.” He put a hand on the younger
man’s shoulder and gave it an affectionate squeeze as he departed
the plane.

Of course, Denny appeared at the man’s door later that night.

There had been no question in his mind that he would, though he
wrestled with guilt over Jesse as he did. They spent that night
making intense, passionate love. By morning, a confused and
besotted Denny knew he was in love.

That started an affair carried on in hotels from Detroit to

Europe, Asia and India. Carter was an independently wealthy
businessman who had interests all over the globe. He could easily
arrange to be on Denny’s flights, or meet him in whatever city he
was flying to, and did so with regularity. He was married, but
separated from his wife. He had decided to give into the desire for
male sex that had prowled within him most of his adult life and
came out to his spouse. They had decided to divorce. The details
were being arranged. Denny was his first man-to-man sexual
experience. It confirmed for Carter that the feelings he had

SECOND THOUGHTS

harbored all his life were legitimate.

On Denny’s part, he had never been consciously attracted to

older men. But something happened when he lay in Carter’s arms
after their first time together. A deep repressed longing came to the
fore. Denny realized a hidden attraction to mature men was the
source of that longing, and Carter was its fulfillment. He had never
felt as complete as he had that night.

He had also never felt so confused. He was in a relationship

with Jesse, and he loved Jesse, but he had never felt satisfied.
Whenever Jesse had referred to Denny as his partner, Denny had
re-directed the label to that of boyfriend. They lived together. They
were a couple. But…once Denny had allowed his feelings for
Carter to surface, he felt constant stress and guilt when he was at
home. Denny knew these uncomfortable feelings were the source
of much of his short temper and bad behavior of late.

Denny looked over his shoulder. The living room was empty.

He sighed again. “I miss you, too.”

“Do you love me?” Carter asked.
Denny looked over his shoulder again. “You know I do.”
“Say it. Tell me. I need to hear it.”
“Carter, I’m here at home. I can’t just—”
“Please?”
“I love you, too,” Denny said, giving in. Thoughts of the dinner

he had just shared with Jesse to celebrate their second year
together floated in his mind.

“Do you know your schedule for next week?”
“No.”
“Can’t you make something up? I don’t like being away from

you like this.”

“I’ve been making up trips for the whole month. Jesse

SECOND THOUGHTS

understands the system. He knows I’m overdue for hiatus. I almost
blew it last night telling him I was in Florida when we were in
Detroit. I didn’t know about that fuckin’ storm. He heard about it
on TV and was suspicious.”

“Okay, I won’t press you any more, but let me know as soon as

you can, so I can book a flight to meet you. And call me…when
you can.”

Denny supposed Carter had anticipated his need to call when

Jesse wasn’t around, so had added that last comment. “Okay, I will
on both counts.”

“’Bye, Denny…I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Denny said, still looking apprehensively into

the living room. “’Bye.” He disconnected the call and took a
steadying breath.

“Clyde, come on you old hound. Time for bed.” Nick’s voice

carried from his backyard one condo away.

“Shit,” Denny said softly. “How loud was I talking?” He shook

his head and returned to the condo.

As Denny walked across the living room, he tried to come up

with an explanation for the phone call and his retreat to the patio.
He couldn’t say it was one of their friends. Why wouldn’t he want
to talk with a friend in front of Jess? The same was true for
colleagues from work.

Maybe he should just begin the inevitable and confess he was

having an affair. But he wasn’t ready to do that, especially on their
anniversary. He didn’t trust his feelings for Carter, or Carter’s first
thrusts into the world of gay sex. He had a good thing here with
Jesse and he wasn’t about to let that go until he was sure of where
his relationship with Carter would wind up. He hoped Nick hadn’t
overheard anything.

SECOND THOUGHTS

Then inspiration struck him. He would say the call was from a

Carter Townsend. Carter was, among other things, an investment
broker. He could truthfully say that. The stretch would be Carter
called to discuss Denny’s investments. Jesse had always professed
a loathing for high finance, and that would explain why Denny had
not wanted to share the call in front of his boyfriend.

Feeling more confident now he had a plan, he walked into the

kitchen.

“Can I give you a hand with the clean-up?”
Jesse turned and looked at him in amazement. Denny

immediately realized this simple gesture probably garnered more
suspicion than the phone call. He never offered to help with
domestic chores and only lent a hand when coerced.

Denny tap-danced. “I know, I know.” He laughed. “I never get

my hands dirty…but it’s our anniversary.”

Jesse seemed to buy it. “Okay.” He smiled. “Knock yourself

out. Load the dishwasher.”

The two men worked side by side. Occasionally Jesse would

make a suggestion as to how to make more room in the washer. As
they were finishing up, Denny felt anxious that Jess had not
brought up the call. Finally he had to relieve his tension.

“That call?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, that was a financial advisor.”
“Oh?”
“Uh, yeah…well, his name is Townsend, Carter Townsend.”
Jesse leaned against the sink, crossing his arms.
“Well, he has some ideas for me…ah…ways to invest and so

he called.”

“Okay.”

SECOND THOUGHTS

“Well, that’s it. I just thought you might like to know who

called is all.”

“As long as I don’t have to get involved. You know I hate

money talk. So, go for it.”

Jesse turned away, bent over, picked up Shelby’s water dish

and filled it, then replacing it on the floor.

Denny breathed a mental sigh of relief. He hoped his fumbled

explanation was really accepted as it seemed to be. At least now
the name Carter Townsend was out there and could be of benefit in
the future.

“I’m gonna take Shel for a w-a-l-k. You wanna break the mold

even more and go with me?”

Denny’s first impulse was to say hell no. But a little insurance

wouldn’t hurt. “Sure, why not?”

“Wow, first help with the dishes, and now going on a doggie

walk. I must really owe you some serious payback.”

Before Denny could answer, an overjoyed canine, who had

recognized the word walk, was bounding all over the kitchen.

Denny just smiled.

* * *

Denny lay in bed, naked and semi-hard. Jesse was in the

bathroom finishing up his pre-bed routine. Denny idly played with
his cock and balls as he waited. A series of thoughts fluttered
across his mind as he waited for his boyfriend to join him.

Walking the dog hadn’t been so bad. They’d held hands. Denny

knew Jesse got off on shit like that. Jesse had pointed out Nick’s
house.

He seems to really like the guy, Denny thought. He wondered

SECOND THOUGHTS

if he should be jealous…but then maybe it would come in handy
down the road…when he made up his mind about Carter.

Carter. I miss you, man. God, he turned him on. Denny didn’t

know what to do. He didn’t want to give up on Jess when the thing
with Carter could be temporary. Carter had just figured out he was
gay. He might want to play around.

But, shit, he fucks good. Denny had never liked that before. But

Carter’s huge cock hit his spot just right. It was the first time
Denny had ever come without touching his dick. He guessed he
was a bottom boy after all. He smiled at that thought.

Denny mused that it would be good to top Jesse that night. It

made him feel taller. Being a short guy, he liked the feeling. Jesse
was four inches taller than him, but when he was up Jesse’s chute
and Jesse begged him to go deeper… Fuck! That was so good.

Denny wondered if Carter would ever let him fuck him. His ass

was so, so nice: round, firm, smooth like the rest of him. He liked
Jesse’s hairy hole, but that pucker of Carter’s…whew! Denny
smiled at the memory of his first rimming of the big stud. That had
been somethin’ else. He had told him to turn over. Carter had never
even thought a man would do that.

Denny chuckled.
When he had stuck his tongue in that pink hole…Carter had

nearly shot off, right then. He had gotten into lickin’ out Denny,
too.

Denny was completely hard. His huge, thick cock was resting

on his abdomen, reaching all the way to his navel through the lush
tangle of pubic hair. Pre-cum ran from its tip. He lay with his eyes
closed, his legs spread, fondling his nuts and teasing his nips.

“Oh, shit!” he gasped in surprise, as he felt himself being

engulfed by Jesse’s warm, moist mouth. He thrust his hips upward

SECOND THOUGHTS

and grabbed the sides of Jesse’s head, forcing his cock deep into
the man’s throat. “Oh, fuck, yeah!” He groaned again. “Oh, yeah,
man, you know how I like it. Oh, fuck!”

Denny was getting close to shooting when Jesse backed off. He

reached into the drawer of the bedside table and retrieved a tube of
KY and a Magnum. Jesse stood beside the bed, applying the clear
lube to his ass and the condom to Denny’s cock. Denny hated
using rubbers, but had given into Jesse’s demands on this one: take
an HIV test or wear a rubber. He didn’t want to bother with the
former. He knew he was clean—but instead of arguing—he went
along with Jesse’s request. Another plus for Carter… he didn’t like
condoms, either.

His thoughts were interrupted when Jesse climbed onto the bed

and knee-walked until he straddled Denny’s hips. Jesse bent down
and kissed him.

“Happy Anniversary, sweetheart,” Jesse said, directing

Denny’s throbbing pecker into his hot, wet chute.

He waited a minute. Denny held his hips. “Okay,” Denny said.
Jesse started a slow, rolling rhythm. Denny closed his eyes. It

felt good to be back inside a man. He would prefer to have Jesse
on his back or on his hands and knees, but this was good, very
good. He let his mind give into the intoxication of great sex.

As his excitement increased, however, his thoughts

involuntarily turned to Carter. For a brief time he fought the
images of the smooth, muscular, older man. Although he was
penetrating Jesse, his position reminded him of the many times he
lay with Carter’s face and torso above him, Carter’s thick dick
deep inside him. He felt a twinge of guilt. Opening his eyes, he
focused on the face of his boyfriend. Jesse was smiling. Denny
could read the love in Jesse’s soft brown eyes. He reached up and

SECOND THOUGHTS

ran his hands through the silky hair covering his chest and abs. He
tried to concentrate on the moment.

“I love you,” Jesse said as he continued his slow undulations.
“I love you, too,” Denny answered. And he meant it. Even

though he was now involved with another man, he could not deny
he had feelings for this sweet guy. Once more he closed his eyes
and tried to let himself sink into a sexual trance.

Although trying not to let it, his mind again turned to Carter.

This time Jesse also appeared in the fantasy. Jesse was on his back.
Carter was impaling him with his long, round rod. Denny saw
himself kneel behind the big man, massage his beautiful ass,
spread his cheeks and slide his own massive tool inside. The
mental image of him fucking the older man pushed him over the
edge, and he arched up, pulling Jesse tight against him. He emptied
himself over and over into the willing body of his partner.

He lay back on the bed. His heart was racing, his body

trembling. He became aware Jesse was pumping himself to achieve
his own climax.

“No, wait,” Denny whispered, putting his hand over Jesse’s and

halting his motion.

“What?” Jesse said, smiling into Denny’s eyes.
“Fuck me.”
“What?” Jesse said again, a note of incredulity in his voice.
“I need you to fuck me.” His voice was low and pleading.
“Denny, you never wanted—”
“Just do it. Please. I need you inside me.”
Hesitantly, Jesse reached once more for the lube and another

rubber, unwrapping it and rolling it on. He smeared Denny’s
pucker and his own fingers. He gently inserted first one, then two
digits. He looked at Denny with concern.

SECOND THOUGHTS

“I’m okay,” said Denny, reading his boyfriend’s expression.

“Come on, come on, please.”

Jesse placed his cock against Denny’s hole. Denny knew he

was trying to be careful and not hurt him: assuming Denny was, if
not a virgin, unaccustomed to being fucked. Denny saw the look of
surprise on Jesse’s face as he grabbed his hips, pulling him hard
against him as he raised his hips to meet the thrust. Jesse slipped
easily inside, all the way to the base of his cock. Denny’s hair-
shrouded balls were buried in Jesse’s pubic bush.

He continued his firm gluteal contractions, milking Jesse’s

cock with every thrust. In a matter of minutes, Jesse moaned and
exploded inside his partner. Denny, still almost frantic in his sexual
arousal, grabbed his own cock and pumped out his second load
onto the lush tangle of hair on his stomach. Jesse lay down on top
of him and sought his mouth and tongue with his own.

Jesse rolled off Denny and lay beside him. Jesse’s arm was

draped over Denny’s chest, lovingly caressing his nipple. His head
rested on Denny’s shoulder. They lay there for many minutes,
letting their breathing come back to normal.

After a time, Jesse raised his head and said, “That was the best

anniversary present you could’ve given me. Thank you.”

Denny didn’t know how to respond. He hadn’t meant it as a

special act of love for Jesse. It had arisen purely from the need to
be fucked, which Carter had instilled in him. He felt bad.

Finally he mumbled, “You’re welcome.”
“Wait here,” Jesse said, kneeling up and kissing him.
He got out of bed and went into the bathroom. Denny lay on his

back and rested his forearm over his eyes. He was uncomfortable
with his situation and tried to clear the confusion in his mind.

Jesse came back with a damp washcloth and a towel. He

SECOND THOUGHTS

handed them to Denny, bending down as he did and kissing him.

“Don’t go away,” Jesse teased.
“I don’t plan on it.”
Jesse left the room, Denny watching his cute fur-fringed ass as

he exited. Denny thought of the words he had just spoken. Were
they the truth? Did he plan on staying here with Jesse? Or was he
already pulling away and it was only a matter of time before he
actually left? He didn’t like these feelings. He decided he had to do
some serious thinking and come to some resolution.

Jesse came back into the bedroom, hands behind his back. His

half-hard cock swayed back and forth as he walked, his round,
contracted nuts rolling from one thigh to the other. Denny smiled.
He sure was a great looking guy.

Jesse kneeled down on the bed beside him. “Pick a hand,” he

said smiling all the way up to his eyes.

Denny looked from one side to the other. Finally he picked the

left hand. Jesse held it out. Empty. “Okay,” he said. He pointed to
the other hand. Jesse brought it around and opened the palm. It was
empty, too.

“All right, asshole,” Denny said, laughing, grabbing Jesse

around the waist and wrestling him to the bed. He rolled over on
top of Jesse and pinned his arms to the pillow. Then he grabbed the
hand that held a small box. Jesse tried to switch it to the other
hand, but the muscular Greek was too strong and too fast. He
peeled Jesse’s fingers back and removed the box.

The two men sat cross-legged on the bed facing each other.

Denny started to open the box. Jesse laid his hand on his, stopping
him. Denny looked up questioningly.

“I wasn’t sure when I bought this for you for our anniversary. I

wasn’t sure it was right…that it would be something you’d want.”

SECOND THOUGHTS

Jesse paused and looked intently into Denny’s eyes.

Then he continued, “But after what happened tonight…when

you asked me to…you know…come inside you, well, I thought
maybe it was right.”

Jesse removed his hand and nodded that Denny should open the

box. Denny opened the lid. Inside was a velvet-covered case. He
looked up at his boyfriend. Jesse nodded again, gesturing with his
hands to urge the process forward with an expression of a little kid
that could hardly contain his excitement. Denny felt a shiver of
apprehension. Then he lifted the lid.

Inside, side by side, were two gold bands. One was inscribed

with a “J” and one with a “D.” On either side of the initials were
small diamonds.

Denny stared at the rings. He felt panicky.
When he didn’t say anything, Jesse said tentatively, “Do you

like them?”

Denny, realizing how much they meant to Jesse, pulled himself

together and said, “They’re beautiful. I don’t know what to say.”

Jesse looked relieved. “Now, I want to explain. I don’t want

you to think these are wedding rings. They are just…promise
rings…or friendship rings…or… well, whatever.”

Denny hated to have Jesse’s joy dimmed, so he put his hand on

Jesse’s, leaned forward and kissed him.

Jesse’s enthusiasm returned. “I thought we could wear them on

our right hands and then sometime…whenever you felt you
were…I mean, we were ready…we could switch them to the left.”

Denny was at a loss for words. Images of his life with Jesse

passed before his eyes. They blended with images of his brief
relationship with Carter. This sucks! What kind of jerk are you,
Christopoulos?

SECOND THOUGHTS

Still undecided as to what he would do, he resolved not to rain

on Jesse’s parade that night. He pulled Jesse into his arms and
kissed him warmly. Then he lifted Jesse’s right hand and, taking
the ring with the initial “D” out of the box, he placed it on his
finger. Then he handed the box to Jesse, who repeated the action.
He took Jesse into his arms again. They lay down together. After a
time of tender kissing and embracing, Jesse drifted off to sleep.
Just before he joined him, Denny held up his hand and looked at
the ring. It sparkled in the light from the bed stand.

Just when I had other plans, life happened.

SECOND THOUGHTS

CHAPTER 5

Nick opened his eyes. He rolled over and looked at the digital

display on the alarm clock sitting on the bedside table—7:17. He
turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Clyde—feeling him
stir—rose, padded up to his face and began to wash it. Nick smiled
and pushed him away.

“Thanks, buddy, but no thanks.”
Nick patted the bed beside him; the hound lay down, pressing

himself against Nick’s side. Nick absently stroked Clyde’s back
with one hand and rubbed his own stomach with the other. He felt
the crusted remains of the previous night’s j. o. session. With those
sensations also came the memory of his verbal ejaculation: Jesse, I
love you.

“Shit!” he said aloud. Clyde’s tail thumped the bed. I knew it

SECOND THOUGHTS

was happening. I felt it from the first minute I saw him. What the
fuck can I do about it? Nothing, that’s what.

Nick got out of bed, pulling up his loungers that were still

around his knees, where he had pushed them the night before. He
went into the bathroom and pissed.

“Damn,” he said as his stream came out to the side because of

the dried cum clogging the slit. He got a towel, wetted it and
cleaned up the mess, vowing he would do a proper cleaning when
he unpacked the box with household junk in it. He rinsed the towel
and deposited it on the floor to be taken care of later.

He then went back into the bedroom and tried to entice Clyde

off the bed to go out for his morning constitutional. Clyde
responded by rolling over on his back, his tail wagging furiously
between his legs. Nick finally had to resort to picking him up
bodily and placing him on the floor.

“Come on, you old hound,” he said with affection.
He walked to his sliding patio door, opened it and walked out

on the cold bricks. Clyde shuffled off to do his business. Nick
looked in the direction of Jesse’s place, which was hidden from
view by the privacy fences between the units.

Wonder how things went for them last night?
Calling Clyde to come back in, he reentered the house and went

to the kitchen to fix some coffee. Trying to organize his thoughts
and focus on his to-do list, he leaned against the counter and
absently scratched his nuts as the coffeemaker began to whirr and
steam. The stimulation caused him to start to tent the flimsy flannel
pajamas he was wearing. The doorbell rang. Without thinking, he
made his way to the front door and opened it. There on the stoop
stood Denny dressed in workout clothes and carrying a gym bag.

“Hey, man, sorry it’s so early, but I just needed to talk to—”

SECOND THOUGHTS

Nick saw Denny’s eyes travel down to the prominent bulge

displayed by the soft material of the loungers.

“Uh…is this a bad time? Did I interrupt something?” Denny

said with a suggestive grin.

Nick, realizing what had caught his new neighbor’s attention,

blushed and made matters worse by trying to cover himself.

“No, oh, man, shit…sorry. No, come on in.”
“No apology needed,” Denny said with a smile. “Actually,

that’s why I came over—to apologize.”

“Huh?” Nick said, still flustered. He stepped back from the

door and held it open for Denny to enter. As he did, Clyde
lumbered up to greet his guest, tail wagging.

“Hi, short stuff,” Denny offered in greeting, without bending to

pet the dog.

“Come on in,” Nick said again, walking past him to the living

room and clearing a spot for him to sit on the couch, while at the
same time trying to adjust himself in his loungers. “Sorry things
are still a mess. I’m not one to get organized too quick.”

Nick turned to catch Denny seemingly appraising his backside.
“I should loan you Jesse,” Denny quipped. “He’s such a

neatness freak; he’d have this place organized in no time.”

Nick allowed his mind a momentary fantasy that went beyond

being loaned Denny’s boyfriend to help him unpack boxes. He
refocused. He didn’t want further embarrassment from his
overactive penis. “I’d be glad to have any help I could get. Would
you like a cup of coffee? I just made it, so it should be fresh.”

“Yeah, that’d be great. I get tired of the mud we serve on the

planes. Black,” Denny added anticipating the next question.

“That’s good cuz I don’t have any milk or cream. Have to get

to the store and load up on stuff.”

SECOND THOUGHTS

Nick walked into the kitchen, wondering if Denny was

checking out his ass again. He knew how his loungers accentuated
the curves. He took two U of M mugs from a box sitting on the
table, filled them with steaming liquid and returned to the living
room. He handed a mug to Denny and sat in the recliner opposite
him, crossing his legs, just in case.

“Thanks,” his guest said as he sipped the hot coffee. “This is

pretty good.” He held up the mug. “Ah, U of M.”

Nick nodded and sipped his own drink. “Yeah, I graduated

from the U.”

“I didn’t go to U of M, but growing up in Detroit, I’m a big

Wolverines fan. You?”

“Go, Blue,” Nick replied holding up his mug of coffee in

salute.

Denny followed Nick’s example.
Nick took a quick moment to survey the man who sat opposite

him. He wore a snug sleeveless tee with a Delta Airlines logo on
the left breast. He filled it out well. His nipples were prominently
displayed against the taut fabric. Black curls fringed the neck band.
Taking a sip of coffee, Nick surreptitiously peeked over the rim,
letting his eyes move down to the ample basket displayed in the
tight running shorts as Denny sat with legs spread. On purpose?
Nick wondered. His legs were thick and muscular, covered with
black hair as well.

Being into body hair, Nick knew he could find this man very

attractive, except that personality had a large amount to do with his
sexual response to someone. Dennis Christopoulos would not rate
high on the Nicholas Warden Personality Profile Scale.

After a sip or two of coffee, the visitor commented, “Like I said

before, I came over to apologize. I came off like pretty much of a

SECOND THOUGHTS

jerk last night, I guess.”

Nick wasn’t sure how to respond. Denny had been obnoxious,

and Nick had been uncomfortable, but didn’t want to just bluntly
agree with Denny’s assessment of his behavior.

“We all have our days,” Nick said finally. “I’d be pretty ticked

if I came home to celebrate my anniversary and found some
strange guy in the house with my partner.”

Denny’s expression changed ever so slightly at the word

partner. Nick remembered how Jesse had said Denny was not
comfortable with that moniker. He was about to say something
about that when Denny raised his mug to his lips. Nick caught a
sparkle from something on his right hand. He looked closer and
saw a ring.

Denny noticed Nick react and looked down at the ring himself.

He changed the mug to his left hand and held up his right, giving
Nick a better view.

“Jesse’s anniversary present to me,” he said, turning his hand

back to face him and spreading his fingers. “The guy’s an
incurable romantic. Cute, isn’t it?”

Nick felt a wave of disappointment. He fought it off. “Hey,

man, that’s really a nice-looking ring. Congratulations. That mean
you guys gonna take the next step?”

“Hell, no!” Denny said with almost a sneer. Then he seemed to

catch himself. “I mean, Jess and I are about as close as we can get
already. We can’t get married in this state and so the ring is just a
nice way of saying we’re close.”

Nick’s internal response was anger. How could this guy not

know what a gem he had, not only on his finger, but in the man
who had placed it there?

“Well, it’s a great way to show how much you care for

SECOND THOUGHTS

someone,” Nick said, trying to keep his irritation from showing.

“I guess,” Denny said absently as he went back to sipping his

coffee.

Nick felt awkward. He didn’t know what else to say. Relief

swept over him when he heard a knock on the door.

“Excuse me,” he said to Denny. He set his mug down on a box

and headed for the door. This time he checked his “condition” and
looked through the peephole. It was Mrs. Kloswick holding a plate
covered with a napkin.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath, realizing he couldn’t

answer the door to the lady from next door half-naked.

“Be right there,” he called through the door and ran to the

bedroom, rummaged through a pile of clothes, coming up with a
terry robe. He raced back to the door past an amused looking
Denny as he struggled to get the robe on.

Opening the door, he said, “Why, Mrs. Kloswick. How nice of

you to drop over.” He glanced over his shoulder to the living room
where Denny sat, still sipping his coffee.

“Good morning, Nicholas. I see you just got out of bed. I was

up early and baked some of my special sticky buns, just for you, to
welcome you to the community. I got the recipe from my niece
Angela, you know. I’ll just put them in the kitchen for you. I know
the way. All these units are alike.”

Mrs. Kloswick marched past him. Before Nick could say

anything, she rounded the corner and stopped. Nick followed her
and saw Denny stand as she entered the living room.

“Well, hello, Dennis,” Mrs. Kloswick said, with a raised

eyebrow as she looked from one man to the other.

Nick, realizing what she might be thinking, broke in with,

“Uh… Denny came over to…uh…say hi and have a cup of coffee.

SECOND THOUGHTS

Um…would you like one? It’s fresh. We could all have one of
your sticky buns with it?”

“That would be lovely, dear, but I am on my way to church,

this being Sunday morning, as I’m sure you know. You just enjoy
the buns.”

She proceeded into the kitchen and returned empty-handed.
“You really do need to get started on unpacking,” she said,

surveying the room as she made her way to the door. “If Angela
were here, she could give you a hand with that. She has an eye for
decorating.

“Goodbye, Dennis,” she said over her shoulder. “Nice to see

you again. Goodbye, Nicholas. Maybe you’d like to come to
church with me sometime?”

“Um…ah…maybe,” was all Nick could manage.
Denny said goodbye and burst out laughing as the door shut

behind her.

Nick turned to Denny, who was still laughing. “Well, she has

your life pretty well planned out, doesn’t she?”

“I guess,” Nick replied, feeling a bit like a tornado had just

blown through the room.

“Mind if I grab one of the old lady’s buns.” Denny wrinkled his

nose and grimaced. “Oh, now that’s a revolting thought,” he said
with a put-on gag.

While Nick had to agree in principle, he felt oddly defensive of

his elderly neighbor. “Sure, I don’t want to eat ’em all myself, then
have to work ’em off.”

He turned and walked into the kitchen. Denny followed.

“Hmmm, very nice,” he intoned.

“What? The buns?” Nick said, wondering what Denny could be

admiring, since his kitchen was exactly the same as his own.

SECOND THOUGHTS

“Yeah, those, too.” Denny said with a chuckle.
Nick, feeling uncomfortable, tried to ignore him.
He cleared off the table, got two plates out of the box of dishes

he had set on the floor. He tore two sheets off a roll of paper towels
to serve as napkins. Denny sat at the table and helped himself to a
sticky bun.

“You sure don’t look like you have any trouble with your

weight,” he said.

Nick refilled the coffee mugs and sat opposite him. “Thanks. I

don’t usually, but I do have to work out regularly to keep it where I
want it, and sweets are my downfall. Jesse and I had a good
workout yesterday, though, so I guess a couple of these won’t do
too much damage.”

Denny looked up from his coffee. “Just how much of yesterday

did you share with my boyfriend?” he asked offhandedly.

Nick took a breath. How much? What should I say? He decided

honesty was the best policy.

“We jogged in the morning, had lunch, went shopping and

worked out.”

“And?” Denny said with almost a sneer.
Thought you came over to apologize for being a jerk. “And

what? And nothing. I came over after to keep him company while
he waited for you. Your guy is completely hung up on you.”
Though I can’t see why. “You got nothin’ to worry about, man.”

Nick thought he saw a look of disappointment cross Denny’s

face. What’s that all about?

“Sorry, again. I guess I get a bit paranoid with being gone so

long and so often. The old lady makes a damn good sticky bun,” he
said almost in the same tone and took a big bite. “Probably a good
idea for Jesse to have someone to hang out with while I’m gone,

SECOND THOUGHTS

now that I think of it. Guess it’d be better if you weren’t gay, but,
hey, can’t have everything.”

Nick could barely keep up with Denny’s shifts in conversation.
Denny’s phone rang. He took a swallow of coffee to wash

down the bite of pastry in his mouth and walked to the other room
to get the phone out of his gym bag. Nick sat and nibbled his sticky
bun and tried to process the mixed signals Denny had given.

“Hello?” Nick heard from the other room. He tried not to listen.
“Hi,” Denny repeated the greeting, as if recognizing his caller.

“Look, I’m not alone. I told you last night I’d call when I knew
something. Yeah. It’ll be a few days… Yeah, same here…Yes…I
do, too. Look I really can’t talk… Okay… Yeah, I’ll get back to
you soon. Okay…okay, I said. ’Bye.”

Nick tried to look like he hadn’t heard anything. He got up and

took his plate to the sink and rinsed it off.

Denny walked back into the kitchen. “Sorry about that. I

shoulda let it go to voicemail, but you never know when it’s gonna
be the airline.”

“S’okay,” Nick responded. “Want some more coffee, another

bun?”

“No, I’m on my way to the gym. You wanna come along and

work off Mrs. K’s calories?”

“Thanks, but no. I got all this stuff to sort out and get put away.

That’ll be my workout for the day.”

“Suit yourself,” Denny said, turning to walk back into the

living room. He put his cup down on the coffee table. He picked up
his gym bag and headed for the door. Nick followed him.

“Maybe another time. Thanks for the coffee and”—Denny

raised an eyebrow—“the buns.” He emphasized the word and
smiled. “They were great.”

SECOND THOUGHTS

Nick, a bit flustered, replied, “Yeah…sure. Have a good

workout.”

Denny said goodbye and left. Nick stood for a minute, trying to

wrap his thoughts around the encounter with his new neighbor.
Something was strange about him, the way he talked about
Jesse…and that phone call.

He looked down. There at his feet was Clyde. He had his dog

bowl in his mouth.

“Oh, gosh, buddy, I’m sorry. I guess I forgot your breakfast.”
Nick put his cup down next to Denny’s, took the bowl out of

the dog’s mouth, went back into the kitchen, rinsed the bowl in the
sink, filled it with kibble from the Rubbermaid container and stood
in front of the patient canine.

“Can you sing for your supper…even though it’s breakfast?

Can you sing?”

The hound back threw his head and bayed like a lonesome

timber wolf howling at the moon.

Nick laughed. “Good dog, Caruso.” He bent and placed the

dish on the floor, picked up the water bowl, rinsed it out, filled it
and replaced it as well.

He leaned against the sink, as he had earlier, while the

appreciative dog devoured his food. He absently rubbed his abs as
he tried to put his finger on what was bothering him about Denny’s
references to Jesse and that phone call. His fingertips encountered
the crusty residue still adorning his flat stomach.

“Holy shit!” He moaned. “I greeted that fucker at the door with

a woody, and all the while I’m covered in cum. At least I had a
God damn robe on when Mrs. K. came in.”

He looked down at Clyde, who was trying to lick a hole in the

bottom of the bowl.

SECOND THOUGHTS

“If you can be patient just a little longer,” he said to the hound,

“I’m gonna take a shower and then we can take a—” Nick stopped
before uttering the magic word, which would transform his
sedentary pet into a whirling dervish. As it was, Clyde almost got
the idea and cocked his head to one side, then trotted to the
cupboard door, where his leash was hanging.

“You’re too smart for your own good,” Nick said, bending to

ruff the dog’s long, floppy ears.

He then went to the bathroom, where he remembered he had to

clean up his errant stream from that morning. He dropped his
loungers on the spot and made another mental note to find the
cleaning supplies ASAP. He turned on the shower and let it warm
up while he got his shaving tools out of the medicine cabinet.

At least I got that much organized.
Stepping into the warm spray, he let his mind drift as he

lathered his body with hydrating body wash.

That phone call. Sounded to me like he was talking to someone

he wasn’t happy about hearing from just then. Someone he was
trying to hide.

Nick remembered a time when he was at home and his gay

grad assistant friend had called in the middle of a family meal.
Recalling how he had tried to tap dance around that conversation
without saying anything incriminating reminded him of the way
Denny had sounded.

Nick rinsed off the foam from the body wash and squeezed

some shampoo into his palm. Rubbing it into his scalp, he turned
his thoughts to Denny’s references to Jesse.

Does the jerk care about Jesse at all? He just seems

so…so…uncommitted. Like this is all just some temporary thing.

Nick began to rinse the shampoo out of his hair.

SECOND THOUGHTS

Oh, God, Jesse. If I had a guy like that to come home to, a guy

who gave me a ring, I’d have him on a plane to Iowa,
Massachusetts or Canada as fast as I could.

As Nick stood under the spray, letting the shampoo get washed

away by the streams of warm water, he pictured Jesse as he had the
previous night: Jesse at the gym working out; Jesse in the shower;
Jesse smiling at him across the room; laughing…talking. Almost
before he realized what he was doing, he arched his back and shot
volleys of thick, white, ropey cum all over the wall of his shower
stall.

Panting, he brought himself back to reality. Taking a couple of

deep breaths, he washed off the wall, his hand and his still-hard
cock.

Where is this goin’? Get a grip.
He got out of the shower and dried himself, then started to

shave.

A male voice calling from beyond the open door almost caused

him to drop the razor.

“Hey, Nick, you home? Door was unlocked, so I let myself in.

Nick?”

It was Jesse’s voice.

SECOND THOUGHTS

CHAPTER 6

Nick reached for a towel. Shelby came into the bathroom

followed by Clyde. She jumped up on the naked man and crooned
as if to say she had found him for her master.

“Shelby, where are you?” Jesse called.
A second later, he appeared in the doorway. He stopped and

smiled as he surveyed the scene. Shelby dropped to the floor, and
Nick stood, half-shaved and naked in front of his new neighbor.

“Hi,” he said with a chuckle. “Came to see if you and Clyde

wanted to go for a wa— A you-know-what? I’ll wait in the living
room.” He smiled, glanced at Nick’s still-plumped dick and
winked.

Nick laughed and shook his head. “Okay, be right out.”
Jesse left.

SECOND THOUGHTS

This has been quite a morning, Nick thought.
Ten minutes later, shaved and dressed in shorts and a sleeveless

tee, he joined his guests in the front room. Jesse sat where Denny
had been a half-hour earlier.

“Sorry, man,” Jesse offered. “Didn’t mean to barge in on your

privacy.”

“No worries,” Nick said. At least you didn’t catch me pounding

my meat.

“You had company this morning?” Jesse asked, pointing at the

two cups on the coffee table.

“Oh, yeah. Uh, Denny came over…to apologize.”
“You’re kidding?”
“No, really. He sounded sincere.” Nick noticed Jesse’s puzzled

expression. “Something wrong?”

“No…I don’t think so. But he’s been doing some pretty out-of-

character things lately.”

“Like?”
“Well, last night he helped with the dishes and went with me to

wa— You know with Shel.”

Shelby, who had been lying at Jesse’s feet, raised her head.
“Then last night when he asked me to…” Jesse started to say

something more, but seemed to change his mind. “Now he comes
over here and apologizes.”

Nick filed those revelations away, along with other thoughts

concerning Denny’s references to Jesse and the phone call, both of
which had been bothering him.

“He showed me his new ring,” Nick said, hoping to reassure

Jesse, even though it pushed his own feelings for the man to the
side.

Jesse brightened. He held out his hand and showed off its twin.

SECOND THOUGHTS

Impulsively, Nick took hold of the proffered hand and

inspected the ring. He hadn’t seen Denny’s close up, hadn’t seen
the initial, now he did: the “D” flanked by two diamonds.

“His has a ‘J,’” Jesse said.
Nick realized he was still holding onto Jesse’s hand.

Awkwardly he let it go.

“Those are pretty serious rings,” he said.
“Well, they could be. Right now they’re just friendship

rings…until…well…if Denny makes up his mind about making
things more permanent.

The “if” hung in the air between them. Shelby whined.
“Okay, girl,” said Jesse, “you’ve been patient. You guys gonna

join us?”

“Uh, right, yes,” Nick said, coming back to reality. He rose and

got Clyde’s lead. Together the quartet hit the street.

They went once again to the dog park. It was crowded.
“Guess lots of folks would rather be here than in church,” Jesse

observed.

“I would,” Nick agreed. Actually, I’d rather be anywhere as

long as it was with you. The thought sprang into his mind before he
could catch himself.

He sat next to his new neighbor and watched their dogs gambol

off to join the pack already playing in the wood chips.

* * *

Fucking…old…fag.

Who…the…hell…does…he…think…he…is? Denny’s thoughts
were in cadence with his reps as he benched a barbell. His
adrenaline was still up after his confrontation with Sam at the

SECOND THOUGHTS

towel window. Denny finished the set, racked the bar and sat up,
grabbing the towel and wiping his face. For the tenth time, his
mind replayed the interaction with the old man.

“Hey, Dennis,” Sam had said. “See that boyfriend of yours

finally saw the light and dumped you for someone who appreciates
him.”

“Fuck you,” Denny had returned.
“You wish,” Sam had rejoined, laughing.
Denny had held up his hand in Sam’s face. “Does this look like

he’s dumped me, you senile, old queer?” He wiggled his fingers to
make sure the man saw the new ring.

Sam had hesitated before responding, looking at the ring.

“Mighty nice. Didn’t know they put stuff like that in Cracker Jack
boxes.”

“Fuck you,” Denny had said again and turned away.
“Well, he maya given you a ring, but the way those two were

lookin’ at each other… Whooeee!”

Denny had stopped, burning with anger. He had been about to

turn back and give the old man more grief, but had decided it
wasn’t worth it. Now he sat on the bench trying to sort out his
emotions.

Was something going on between Jesse and Nick? If there was,

was this jealousy he was feeling? Or was it just his pride at
possibly being two-timed and having that old pervert point it out?
He snorted softly through his nose. Two-timed, ha, look who’s
talking.

Just then his cell rang. Technically members weren’t supposed

to be using cells in the gym, but he had special permission. He had
told them he was on call for the airline. He checked the caller I D:
Carter Townsend.

SECOND THOUGHTS

“Hi, Carter. I was just thinking about you,” Denny said with a

smile.

“Hot thoughts, I hope. Are you all hard and sweaty?”
“Sweaty, yes, but hard, no. I’m at the gym.”
“Thinking of me…and not hard.” Carter sounded disappointed.

Then he laughed. “If I were there, you would be.” He paused. “I
take it you can finally give me five minutes of your time?”

“Yeah,” said Denny, feeling slightly irritated at Carter’s

seeming lack of understanding of his situation, and why he
couldn’t talk when he had called before. “What can I do for you?”

“Hee-hee, do you have to ask?” Carter said seductively.

“Actually, I called to find out if you’d heard anything about your
next trip. Have you got an assignment?”

“Carter, I just got home yesterday, I’m over my monthly time

limit for flights, and it’s fuckin’ Sunday morning. Of course, I
don’t have an assignment.”

“You’re angry with me.”
Denny closed his eyes and quietly took a deep breath. “No, I’m

sorry. I’m just a bit edgy. Jesse gave me a ring last night for our
anniversary.”

There was silence at the other end. Denny was about to ask if

Carter was still there.

“What does that mean for me? For us? You said you were

gonna talk to him. That we’d be able to be together soon.” The
man sounded panicky.

“Relax, man. I am going to talk to him. It’s just not the right

time. The ring is just for friendship.” He knew Jesse hoped it
would be for more, but Denny didn’t want to share that with
Carter.

“You’re sure?”

SECOND THOUGHTS

“Yes, I’m sure.” Carter’s insecurities were beginning to worry

Denny.

“Okay,” Carter said with a sigh. “I have an idea, though. Your

guy has to work during the day, right?”

“Yeah.”
“Well, how about I come to Chicago? We could see each other

during the day while he’s at work. I could fly in tonight. I have to
be in New York on Wednesday, but we’d have two days?”

Denny hesitated.
“Please. I need you, Denny. You can’t imagine what it’s like

for me not being with you.”

“I miss being with you, too, Cart. But Jesse is off until

Wednesday. He took some vacation time as I’ve been gone so
much.”

Carter did not respond immediately. Then he said, “Okay, I

understand. But let me know as soon as you can when you’re
flying out again so I can meet you.”

“I will.”
“Well, ’bye then…I love you.”
“I love you, too. ’Bye.”
Denny sat for a minute, his head in his hands.
“You gonna use that bench or what?” said a gruff voice.
Denny looked up to see a mountain standing before him, hands

on hips and a scowl on his face.

“Oh, sorry.” Denny got up and moved out of the big man’s

way.

“Not supposed to use phones in here, you know,” he said,

brushing past Denny and beginning to rack up huge plates onto the
bar.

Denny mumbled something about having special permission,

SECOND THOUGHTS

but never really finished the statement.

He walked to the lat machine, feeling confused and out of sorts.
I wonder how married guys can stand this shit of playing

around behind someone’s back.

* * *

Jesse strode into the condo. He tossed his keys into the dish on

the shelf beneath the mirror in the entry hall, then bent down and
took the leash off Shelby, who padded off into the kitchen for a
drink. He hung the lead up and walked into the living room and to
the sliding door. He stared out onto the patio and the common area
beyond.

As he continued to look out on the green landscape at the few

trees beginning to show a hint of fall color, he thought about the
events of the last forty-eight hours. He had met Nick, given a ring
to Denny, and been confused by the latter’s uncharacteristic
behavior. He tried not to dwell too much on thoughts about Nick. It
wasn’t about being turned on by the handsome new neighbor. He
had ogled and felt lusty thoughts about lots of guys. It was his
constant comparisons of Nick and Denny, the contrasts between
them and the fact that, when it came right down to it, Nick came
out on the heavy side of the scales. He was thoughtful, considerate,
had interests similar to Jesse’s and—Jesse smiled as he made the
final juxtaposition between the two—Nick liked dogs.

But all that was irrelevant. He loved Denny, and he, at least,

had made a commitment to the man, even though Denny was slow
in reciprocating. He had hoped when he had presented Denny with
the anniversary rings, he would’ve been moved in that direction.
But it didn’t appear that had been the case. Oh, yeah, Denny had

SECOND THOUGHTS

seemed to like the rings, although he did seem kind of hesitant at
first.

Probably he was just surprised. Jesse hoped that was what his

reaction meant. And he did show his ring to Nick. Jesse continued
the discussion in his mind.

In the end, the gift had not produced the reaction Jesse had

hoped for—no declaration of eternal love and commitment; no
tears of joy followed by proclaiming that he had waited for this
moment for a long time; no announcement that they were a couple.
All Jesse received was that Denny thought they were beautiful and
even that statement Jesse felt he had dragged out of him.

“Oh, well,” Jesse said aloud as he turned from the window,

“it’s only been two years.”

I’ve got two days off to spend with him. Maybe he’ll…
As he walked toward the kitchen, the red light flashing on the

answering machine caught his eye. He checked the I D: Hendricks
Educational Publishing.

What could they want on a Sunday?
He pressed the playback button apprehensively.
“Hey, Jess. Tom here. Call me…something’s come up.”
“Shit!” Jesse said.
Shelby got up and walked over to him, ready to sooth him if he

needed it. Jesse sat on the couch and dialed the number.

“Hendricks Publishing. Tom speaking.”
“Tom, this is Jesse. What’s up?”
“God, Jesse, I’m glad I caught you. I really blew it. I came in

this morning to check the week’s schedule. Good thing I did ’cause
I made a mistake.”

Jesse got up. He walked back to the sliding glass patio door and

looked out. “And—”

SECOND THOUGHTS

There was a huge sigh at the other end. “Look, I know you

really wanted these two days—”

“Tom,” Jesse said with a warning tone.
“I know, man, but the presentation you were supposed to give

the teacher staff development in Cincinnati on Wednesday and
Thursday? Well, it’s tomorrow and Tuesday. I got the dates wrong.
I’m really sorry, man.”

“Fuck!” Jesse was pacing now. Shelby followed his every

move with her eyes, sensing his distress. “Can’t Reynolds do it?
He hasn’t done shit this summer.”

“He doesn’t know the line like you do. Jesse, this is a big

contract, a whole fuckin’ city district. It’s worth a couple hundred
thousand at least. If we don’t show, Lambert will get the sale for
sure. They’re presenting after us.”

Jesse ran his fingers through his hair and sat down. Shelby

came and sat in front of him, looking as concerned as a dog can.

“Okay,” he said in a hollow voice. “What’s the deal?”
“Thanks, Jesse. I owe you big time.”
You bet you do, shithead.
“I got you booked on the three o’clock to Cinci, United. I

changed your hotel reservation at the Comfort Inn. The schedule
for the presentation is the same: high schools tomorrow, middles
and elementaries Tuesday…just…uh…two days earlier than
expected.” Tom said the last part with a small chuckle, evidently
trying to lighten the situation.

Jesse did not find it funny.
“All right,” Jesse said, sighing again. “Let me go pack. I’ll stop

at the office to pick up the sample cases.”

“Don’t bother. The least I can do is get them to the airport and

check them in for you.”

SECOND THOUGHTS

“Gee, thanks,” Jesse said unenthusiastically.
“We’ll make it up to you, man. I promise.”
“Yeah, sure.” Jesse knew that wasn’t going to be for a while

with Denny’s schedule.

“And Jesse?”
“What?”
“Try and sound a little more excited when you present, okay?”
Jesse didn’t respond to that remark. He just said goodbye and

hung up. He sat with his head in his hands. He had been waiting so
long to have free time with his man. Denny had been doing so
many extra trips lately. He had hoped the extra time together
would help move Denny toward a more willing attitude with
regard to a committed relationship.

Shelby came forward and laid her head on his lap. He opened

his eyes and smiled at her. Holding her head in his hands, he bent
down and kissed her nose.

“At least I have your undying devotion.”
She whined and licked his nose in return.

* * *

Denny came in the front door and tossed his gym bag on the

floor. Shelby came out to greet him. He reached down and
perfunctorily patted her head. He looked into the living room, then
the kitchen.

“Jess?”
“In here,” came the reply.
Denny went into the bedroom and stopped short at the door.

Jesse was packing. His heart stopped; his mind raced. Had he let
something slip? Had Carter taken things into his own hands and

SECOND THOUGHTS

called here?

“What’s going on?” he said, trying to keep the panic from his

voice.

Jesse turned from his task of folding undershirts and said in a

flat voice, “I gotta go to Cincinnati today for the fuckin’
presentation. That idiot Tom screwed up the schedule.” He walked
toward Denny. “I’m sorry, babe.”

Denny felt a wave of relief wash over him. This was quickly

followed by a thrill of excitement. Jesse would be gone for two
days.

“Gee, that’s too bad,” Denny said.
“You don’t sound all that broken up about it,” Jesse replied.
Denny realized Jesse had expected something more akin to his

own heated reaction when Denny had cancelled on him. He
thought quickly. “Well, I guess I’m getting a taste of what it’s like
when I have to change our plans cuz of work. I know you’re upset.
I just didn’t want to make it harder for you. Come here.” Denny
opened his arms and Jesse walked into them.

Both men responded to the kisses they exchanged.
“When do you leave? We got time for a proper goodbye?”

Denny asked seductively, grinding his plumping penis against the
hard bulge in Jesse’s Dockers.

“No,” Jesse said. “The flight’s at three. I got to leave, like”—he

checked the clock on the bed-stand—“now.”

“You sure?” Denny said, kneading the protrusion in Jesse’s

pants.

“Yes, I’m all showered and, if you don’t stop that, I’ll get pre-

jizz all over myself.” But he leaned into the stimulation just the
same.

“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t offer. I’ll drive you to O’Hare.”

SECOND THOUGHTS

“You don’t have to. I can take a cab.”
“I know I don’t have to, but”—Denny kissed Jesse—“it’ll give

us more time to be together.”

Jesse brightened.
Good move, Christopoulos, Denny thought.
“Thanks, I really appreciate it,” Jesse said, kissing Denny once

more. “I guess we better get going.” He went to the bed and zipped
his suitcase. He bent down and ruffled Shelby’s ears. The dog had
been sitting watching the men’s exchange.

“You take good care of Daddy Denny, Shel. Don’t let him get

too lonely.”

She looked at Denny and whined.
He grabbed his suitcase and garment bag, and headed out the

door.

“I’ll be with you in a sec,” Denny said. “Need to hit the john.”
Denny waited until Jesse was out the door. He took out his cell

and hit the speed dial.

“Carter?”
“Yeah, it’s Denny. There’s been a change in plans.”

SECOND THOUGHTS

CHAPTER 7

Nick stood in front of the mirror on his dresser, adjusting his

blue-and-white striped tie. He stepped back and inspected himself:
light blue oxford button down, beige Dockers, brown loafers.

Yup. Professional without overdoing it.
He had two days of new teacher orientation. In a huge district

like Chicago there could be a large group of newbies. He would
get his school assignment and class schedule, meet his principal
and get the lowdown on how the district worked. Then would
come a half day of Welcome Back speeches for all the teachers at
McCormick Place. The week would end with a day-and-a-half in
his school, meeting with other teachers and getting his first
classroom ready. He would have Friday off, giving him a four-day
Labor Day weekend, then his life as a middle school math teacher

SECOND THOUGHTS

would begin. He was excited, nervous, but ready to start.

A whine and a bark from Clyde interrupted his inspection.

Walking into the living room, he saw Shelby on the patio. She was
sitting, looking expectantly through the glass. When she saw him,
she stood, tail wagging. She raised a paw and scratched at the door.
Nick opened the door. She came in to greet him and Clyde.

“What’re you doin’ here, girl?” Nick asked, bending to pet her.
He stepped outside to see if Jesse was out in the yard or

common area. He wasn’t. Disappointed, Nick came back and stood
with his hands on his hips.

“Well, I guess I better take you home before I go. Besides,

that’ll give me a chance to see your master.”

The thought of maybe seeing Jesse made Nick feel good,

although it also brought some feeling of discomfort due to the
Denny situation.

The trio exited Nick’s condo and walked down to Jesse’s. He

rang the bell. No answer.

He knocked on the door. Still no answer. He looked down at

the two hounds seated side by side on the stoop, watching him.

“This is weird,” he said to them. He was just turning to go back

to his place, wishing he had asked Jesse for his phone number,
when Mrs. Kloswick emerged from her house.

“Good morning, Nicholas,” she called. “No one’s home, you

know.”

Nick and the dogs walked over to her. She stooped and greeted

them.

“Shelby was at my place this morning. I don’t understand why

she’s out and Jesse’s gone.” He was getting worried.

“Well, just by chance—mind you—I noticed Jesse and Dennis

left yesterday afternoon. It looked like Jesse was going away. He

SECOND THOUGHTS

was carrying a suitcase and a garment bag.”

Nick frowned. “He was supposed to have the next couple of

days off to spend time with Denny. I wonder what happened?”

“I wouldn’t know about that, being a person who stays out of

other’s business, but Dennis came home alone a few hours later.
Then he left early this morning…seemed to be in a big hurry, too.”

What, do you have a surveillance camera? Nick thought.
“He must have forgotten he had let Shelby out. Poor thing,” she

added bending down to pet the dog once again.

“Do you have their phone numbers? I could call to find out

when Denny and Jesse are due back and let them know I have
Shelby.”

“I only have their regular number. I don’t believe in cell phones

myself. They rot your brain, you know. Wait here and I’ll get the
number for you.”

Mrs. Kloswick went into her condo and returned with a slip of

paper with Jesse’s landline number.

“By the way, Nicholas, you remember my mentioning my

niece, Angela?”

“Uh, yes, sure,” Nick said, looking at the number and feeling a

bit of time pressure to get to his new job.

“Well, her fall term at the University of Chicago is beginning

next week. She’ll be coming back to town this weekend. I was
thinking it’d be nice for you two to meet, being teachers and all.”

Nick suppressed a sigh and nodded.
“I was planning a little dinner party sometime this weekend, if

that’s agreeable?”

“Um, that would be okay,” Nick said, wondering if maybe an

earring in his right ear would help with situations like this.

“Wonderful,” Mrs. Kloswick gushed. “Any day better for

SECOND THOUGHTS

you?”

Nick looked at his watch. If he didn’t leave soon he would be

late for his first day at work. “Any time is fine with me. You’ll
have to excuse me. I’m on my way to my school right now.”

“Oh, isn’t this exciting,” his neighbor said, beaming at him.

“I’ll check with Angela and get back to you on a time. Good luck
today. Oh, my, your first day as a teacher.”

“Thanks,” Nick said. “Come, you two,” he addressed the

patiently waiting dogs. “’Bye, Mrs. Kloswick.”

She waved and he strode off to his condo. He deposited the

dogs inside, making sure they had water. He took time to call
Jesse’s number, remembering Chicago had an ordinance against
cell phone use while driving. He left a message for Denny saying
Shelby was at his house. Still wondering why Jesse had gone when
he had had other plans, Nick left for new teacher orientation.

* * *

“Oh, God! Fuck! Carter, yeah! Fuck!” Denny moaned and

writhed under his lover on the bed of Carter’s hotel room. Denny’s
legs and arms were wrapped tightly around him.

Carter’s dick was buried to the hilt in Denny’s ass and was

stroking his prostate with every thrust. Denny’s hard cock, trapped
between their abs, was about ready to explode.

Carter leaned down and mashed his mouth against Denny’s,

groaning out, “I love you.”

He shuddered, strained and then began a spasmodic pumping as

he squirted his semen inside Denny’s body.

Denny, for his part, pressed against the muscular walls that

trapped his dick and shot his load between them.

SECOND THOUGHTS

The older man went limp and lay heavily on top of his partner,

breathing in heaves. Denny kept him firmly inside and kissed the
side of his head, running his hands up and down his back while he
did.

The ring of Denny’s cell startled both men.
“Shit.” Denny reached for the phone. “Don’t you move,” he

said squeezing Carter with his legs, not wanting to break the union.
He’d never thought he would be a bottom boy.

Not checking the ID he said, “Hello.”
“Hi.”
It was Jesse. Denny closed his eyes. Double shit!
“I called you at home, but it went to voicemail. Guess you’re

out?”

Duh! “Yeah, I am, I’m…uh…at the gym.”
Carter raised his head, furrowing his brow.
Jesse, Denny mouthed.
Carter grimaced and slipped out of Denny’s ass, got up and

walked to the bathroom. Denny watched his shapely behind as he
did.

“I gave the teachers a break. I wanted to call and see how you

are. You miss me?”

“Yeah, of course, yeah.” Denny still lay on his back, his eyes

closed, hand resting on his head.

“You sound funny. Everything all right?”
“Sure, ah, yeah everything’s fine. You just caught me between

heavy sets.” The words seemed ironic.

“Okay. How’s Shel?”
Holy fuck, the God damned dog! I left her outside.
“She’s…uh…fine. I know she misses you.” Denny was

panicky.

SECOND THOUGHTS

“Well, tell her I miss her, too. Give her a kiss for me. Let her

kiss you from me, all right?” Jesse said with a chuckle.

Denny knew his boyfriend was aware that dog kisses were not

his idea of affection.

“Look, I’ll let you go. I know you’re not supposed to be on the

phone at the gym. I’ll call you tonight.”

“Okay. ’Bye,” Denny said quickly, just wanting to get off the

phone and get home to find the fuckin’ mutt. Jesse would kill him
if something happened to her.

“Just bye?” Jesse sounded funny. “Denny?”
“Yeah? What?”
“I love you.”
“Oh, right…love you, too. ’Bye.”
He hung up and tossed the phone to the side. He got out of bed,

frantically trying to find and don his clothing, which had been
hurriedly discarded in the men’s furious need to get at each other.

“What’s going on?” Carter asked as he came out of the

bathroom.

“I let the fuckin’ dog outside this morning. Jesse asked me to

kiss it for him, and I remembered I didn’t bring her in. I gotta go
and find her.”

Carter laughed.
“It’s not funny,” Denny said angrily, hopping on one foot,

trying to get his sock on.

“It will be one day,” Carter said still chuckling. “I’ll come with

you.” He started to pull on his underwear.

“No!” Denny yelled.
Carter stopped dressing and looked at him.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout at you, but I don’t think it’s a

good idea. We have this nosey neighbor. She watches everything.”

SECOND THOUGHTS

“But I’d like to see your place so I can picture you there when

we can’t be together.”

“No, we can’t take the chance.” Denny was dressed now. He

walked over to the man who was clad only in his boxers. He ran
his hands over the firm pecs covered in short salt-and-pepper hairs.
He kissed him. “I’ll be right back as soon as I find Shelby.
Promise.”

Carter reached around and cupped Denny’s ass. “Okay, but

don’t take too long. Call me if you run into trouble finding her.”

* * *

All the way to the house Denny kicked himself for letting his

horny dickhead do his thinking. What if something happened to
Shelby? How would he explain it to Jesse? It wasn’t that he cared
about the mutt very much, although he didn’t want anything bad to
happen to her. It was more that he would have to come up with a
logical explanation for how he could let her out and forget her.

Oh, I was so hot to get into the pants of the guy I’m cheating on

you with that I forgot to bring your dog in. God, let her be sitting
on the porch waiting for me.

She wasn’t. Denny slammed the car into park and bolted for the

door.

“Hello, Dennis,” Mrs. Kloswick called from her flower bed in

front of her condo. “If you’re looking for Shel—”

Dennis didn’t listen. Nosey old bat! He just waved over his

shoulder and barged into the house. He ran through the living room
and out onto the patio calling, “Shelby, Shelby.”

He continued out into the common area, still calling her name.
Frantic now, he ran down the row of condos. Where could she

SECOND THOUGHTS

have got to? The dog park? Fuck, Christopoulos. This is
bad…really bad.

“Shelby, Shelby.”
Just then he heard a familiar but muffled crooning bark. He

stopped dead in his tracks trying to locate the source of the sound.
He turned to see Shelby and Clyde standing inside Nick’s patio
door. Shelby’s tail was wagging furiously and she was singing her
hound song at high volume. He ran to the door and dropped to his
knees before it, pressing his head and hands against the glass. The
two dogs fairly writhed with happiness at seeing him there.

Thank you, God!
As he knelt, the thought crossed his mind there were only two

times he called upon the Almighty—in situations like this when he
had screwed up and when he was in the throes of sexual ecstasy.
He wondered briefly what God thought about that. Maybe he
should try to pray more.

Mrs. Kloswick came up behind him. “I tried to let you know,

Dennis. Nicolas said Shelby had come over here this morning.”

Denny got up and turned to her. She continued, “But you were

in such a hurry. Just like this morning when you left for…well, for
wherever you were off to.”

“Thanks, Mrs. K. I’m sorry. It’s just when I remembered I’d

forgotten Shelby, I kind of freaked out.”

“Yes, well that nice new neighbor of ours was Johnny-on-the-

spot and took care of it for you. You be sure to thank him when he
comes home tonight, won’t you? He’s such a nice young man. I’m
going to introduce him to my niece Angela this weekend at a
dinner party.”

Denny was only half listening. “I guess she’ll be all right until I

can pick her up tonight.” An idea came to him. “Er…I am gonna

SECOND THOUGHTS

be a little late.” This might just be a blessing in disguise. “Could
you ask Nick if he’d mind watching Shelby for me until I get
home?”

“I guess I could do that. If I see him that is. Well, yes, I could

make a point of watching for him, Dennis.”

Like you miss anyone coming or going. “Thanks Mrs. K. I

appreciate it.”

The two walked back to their respective dwellings.
“Oh, and Mrs. K.?”
“Yes, Dennis?”
“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention to Jesse I forgot to bring

Shelby in. I don’t want to upset him. And I don’t want to answer
any questions about how I could’ve done such a thing.

“Well, it isn’t really any of my business anyway…but…my lips

are sealed,” she said in a conspiratorial tone, inclining her head
toward him and placing a finger on her pursed lips. “Have a nice
day, Dennis.”

Denny said goodbye after thanking her again and went inside.

He locked the patio door. As he walked through the living room,
he saw the light flashing on the answering machine. He ignored it.
Probably just Jesse’s call from earlier, he thought. Besides, no one
ever called him on the landline. Only calls on that were for Jesse.
Denny didn’t know why they bothered with a landline. Cells were
so much better anyway. Although he vaguely remembered
someone, he couldn’t remember who, telling him they rotted your
brain.

He hopped in his car and headed back to the hotel and Carter.

* * *

SECOND THOUGHTS

On Tuesday evening, Jesse came in the front door and threw

his keys in the dish in the entryway. As he turned toward the living
room, he was nearly bowled over by a quivering mass of jubilant
fur-covered animal.

“Hello, Shel,” Jesse said, laughing as the dog cavorted around

him, crooning and wagging her tail furiously. “I guess you missed
me.”

He dropped to his knees and let the hound bury her face into

his chest.

“Did you have fun with Daddy Denny?” he asked, roughing her

ears and kissing her forehead.

Probably not, but at least you survived, he thought.
He got up and walked into the bedroom, throwing his suitcase

and garment bag on the bed. Shelby was right behind him. He then
went to the living room and let the dog out through the sliding door
to the patio. She tolerated the separation only long enough to do
her business, then returned to the door, pleading to be let back in.

Jesse smiled as he sat down on the couch, allowing his canine

companion the rare privilege of joining him since Denny wasn’t
there. She snuggled appreciatively against him. He picked up the
mail Denny had stacked on the end table and began to sort through
it. Not really ready to tackle day-to-day stuff, he dropped the
letters and leaned his head back against the sofa with a sigh.

Idly rubbing Shelby’s head he said aloud, “Well, this week sure

didn’t turn out the way I hoped it would.”

Shelby raised her head and cocked it to one side. Then she

whined and nuzzled Jesse’s hand, encouraging further stroking.

Denny had called him as Jesse was leaving the hotel for the

airport in Cincinnati.

“You’re gonna hate me,” he had said with a hang dog sound in

SECOND THOUGHTS

his voice.

“I won’t hate you,” Jesse had replied. “But, if you tell me what

I think you’re gonna tell me, I may be mad at you.”

“I’m really sorry, Jess. It’s just an overnight to Detroit. I’ll be

back in the morning…early.”

As if that made it all right.
Jesse hadn’t argued with him. He knew it was useless. So here

he was. Not only had his planned two days with his man gone
awry, the homecoming he had hoped for was non-existent.

He got up off the couch and, followed by Shelby, went to the

bedroom to unpack. Taking his suit coat out of his luggage, he
went to hang it in the closet. Opening the doors, he stopped.

Huh? Denny must’ve gotten a new uniform. All three of his are

here.

Finished with unpacking, Jesse returned to the living room.

There he saw the red light flashing on the machine.

Probably just my call to Denny, he thought, remembering he

had tried to contact Denny during his break on Monday.

“You have two new messages,” the pleasant but mechanical

voice said.

The first was indeed his message, but the second, also left on

Monday…

“Hi, Denny this is Nick. Uh…Shelby was at my back door this

morning. I brought her home, but you were gone. She’s with me.
She can keep Clyde company while I’m at orientation. I’ll check
later and bring her home when you are.”

“What the hell?” Jesse said, looking down at Shelby as if she

could explain this mystery.

* * *

SECOND THOUGHTS

Jesse stood on the stoop outside Nick’s condo. Shelby sat by

his side. The door opened and Nick smiled broadly at his guests.
“Glad you could make it. Come on in.”

Jesse had called earlier, but before he could ask about Shelby,

Nick invited Jesse, Denny and Shelby for supper. Jesse had
accepted for himself and the pooch, explaining Denny had been
called in for a flight. Jesse was anxious to hear what Nick had to
say about Shelby showing up unattended at his door.

“I didn’t mean to barge in on your dinner,” Jesse said, entering

the house and kneeling to greet Clyde.

“What’re you talking about? Like I didn’t barge in on your

anniversary, no less. Besides, I hate to eat alone.” Clyde looked up
reproachfully. “Sorry, ole buddy, present company excepted,”
Nick said. “Come on out on the patio while I cook the brats.
There’s beer in the fridge. Grab us a couple if you will.”

Jesse went to the kitchen to get the brews and then joined Nick,

who was turning the food on the grill. He sat down after handing a
bottle to the cook.

“Okay, tell me. What’s the story behind Shelby showing up on

your doorstep Monday morning?”

Nick turned to his guest. “He decided to tell you then? Denny

asked me not to mention it to you.”

“No, he didn’t tell me,” Jesse said, taking a draw on his beer. “I

got the news from you on my answering machine.”

“Oops,” Nick said with a chuckle, turning back to the sizzling

sausages. “Not much to tell. Shel was outside here on the patio, I
took her home and Denny was gone, so I kept her here all day. End
of story. Except he asked me not to tell you…and, oh, yeah, he
asked through Mrs. K. if I could keep an eye on her until he got
home. He was out until about ten Monday night.” Nick put some

SECOND THOUGHTS

buns on the top rack of the grill to toast and looked over his
shoulder at Jesse.

Jesse sat with his brows knitted.
“Something wrong?” Nick asked.
“No…I don’t think so.” Jesse decided not to air his uneasiness

with Denny’s lie about Shelby and the uniforms hanging in his
closet. He changed the subject. “Tell me about school.”

Nick put the brats in the buns, placed them on plates and set

them on the table. He broke one in half and, once it cooled a bit,
fed the overjoyed dogs. He sat down and passed the salad to Jesse.
As the men ate, he told Jesse he had been assigned to Ames Middle
School, the only grade seven-eight school in the district. Since he
was the newbie at the school in the math department, he would be
teaching five different subjects. Jesse tried to pay attention, but his
mind kept drifting to the several puzzling things that had gone on
this week.

An ice cream brownie dessert and a couple of beers later he

was able to put his concerns aside and enjoy the late summer
evening with his handsome new neighbor. As they sat quietly
talking together on the patio, the two hounds, who had been dozing
between them, leapt to their feet and, baying for all they were
worth, ran off into the darkness.

“What the hell?” Nick said, jumping to his feet.
Jesse followed, but before the men had gone more than a few

steps, they heard the baying turn to yelps and whines.

“Shelby,” Jesse cried out, as Nick echoed with his own call to

Clyde.

The hounds returned to the pool of light from the patio. They

were whining, rolling and rubbing themselves on the ground. Jesse
was assailed by a telltale stench.

SECOND THOUGHTS

“Holy fuck,” said Nick with a moan. “Skunk!”
The dogs ran for the men, who sidestepped them, yet still tried

to keep them out in the yard and away from the patio and the
furniture.

“What do we do?” Jesse asked, holding Shelby at arm’s length.
“Clyde got into skunk back home. I think I still got some of the

stuff I used on him. Can you hold them both?”

“Do I have a choice?” Jesse said with a sardonic laugh.
Nick grimaced and chuckled. He turned and ran into the house.

It seemed to Jesse he was gone forever. When he finally returned,
he had a large bowl and several towels.

“Shelby got it worse. She’s drooling and her eyes are just slits,”

Jesse said with concern.

“Not a surprise,” was Nick’s reply. “Old Clyde with those peg

legs… Hold onto them.”

Nick poured the contents of the bowl over the two canines. He

handed Jesse a towel and they began rubbing the solution into their
fur. They repeated this process three times with Jesse holding the
dogs as Nick went to replenish the skunk cure.

“I only have enough for one more treatment,” Nick announced.

“If this doesn’t take care of it, we’ll have to wait till tomorrow and
get more.”

The dogs were given the sniff test.
“Not too bad. Now what?” asked Jesse.
“The bottle said to let them dry, and if they are still stinky

repeat the application. Said it may take twelve hours to work
completely and after the smell is all gone, give ’em a bath.”

“We can’t let them in the house. They might get smell all over

everything.”

Nick agreed. “Well, they can’t stay outside by themselves.

SECOND THOUGHTS

Guess we’ll have to sleep out here with them.”

The men were on their knees on either side of their pets, who

were intent on getting free and rolling. At Nick’s words, Jesse
looked up. Their eyes locked. A shiver ran through him and he felt
goose bumps on his arms. “I…I guess that’s what we’ll have to do
all right,” he said, almost in a whisper.

“You hold onto ’em. I’ll get their leashes, my air mattress and

some old blankets.”

As Jesse sat holding the still very damp and slightly odiferous

pooches, he tried to be calm and logical.

Yeah, this was the only thing they could do. But? But what? No

problem. Oh, man!

Nick returned. “How’s it goin’?”
“Oh, fine,” Jesse said, still in a turmoil. What can happen?

We’re outside and the dogs are with us. Why am I thinking of
anything happening in the first place anyway?

Nick went about the business of setting up the bed and

spreading out the blankets.

They sat for a while longer, letting the dogs’ wet fur dry out.

Then the men stripped to their boxers and climbed into bed. There
was no way the dogs were going to miss out on this: a slumber
party on the patio. Both dogs jumped in and nestled between Jesse
and Nick.

Thank God! Jesse thought. But, as they lay there facing each

other, Jesse was keenly aware Nick’s eyes were on him, a sweet,
wistful smile playing on his lips.

“Goodnight,” Nick said softly.
Jesse swallowed hard. “Goodnight,” he mumbled.

SECOND THOUGHTS

CHAPTER 8

“Stay a bit longer,” Carter begged. “Tell him your flight was

canceled. Tell him it was hijacked. You’re in Cuba and you won’t
be home for a week or so.”

Denny looked into the eyes of the man who held him tightly,

chest to chest, their hard cocks pressing between them. He was
tempted. Oh, yes, he was tempted. He leaned forward and kissed
Carter deeply.

He shook his head. “He won’t buy it. I’ve been lying so much.

He knows enough about my job to know stuff like we pulled to get
this extra night doesn’t happen all that often. Especially when I’m
over my limit in flight hours for the month.”

“Tell him about me. Then we won’t have to lie any more.”
Denny kissed Carter again and began undulating against him,

SECOND THOUGHTS

trying to distract him from the conversation. He wasn’t ready to
make that break. He wasn’t sure of Carter and didn’t want to let a
good thing go unless he was. There was no doubt he loved this
man. His feelings for him were stronger than anything he’d felt for
Jesse—or for anyone, for that matter. But this revelation of his
attraction toward older men was still confusing him. Then there
was Carter himself, the neophyte in the world of man-to-man. No,
he wasn’t ready to take a chance.

His ruse worked. Carter returned the pressure and soon they

were engaged in a tongue duel and serious body exploration with
their hands. Denny turned away from the older man and raised his
leg. Carter easily slipped in, and the two let the sensations of anal
coitus drive away the thoughts of how to resolve their relationship
issues.

* * *

Jesse felt damp and chilly. He pulled Shelby closer and

snuggled her against his chest. The action caused him to become
more aware of his surroundings. He opened his eyes. He was on
Nick’s patio. Shelby was in his arms, but he felt a warm body
spooned behind him. Soft breath was on his neck. An arm was
draped over his chest, the hand at the end resting on Shelby’s
shoulder next to his. There was something hard and stiff poking
him in the crack of his ass. He felt himself responding. He closed
his eyes tight and clinched his jaw.

Count to ten, Jamison. Oh, fuck.
He tried to think of anything, anything except the sensations

flowing through his body. He felt Nick startle: that kind of
involuntary twitch that sometimes comes just after sleep begins, or

SECOND THOUGHTS

just before waking.

“Mmmm,” Nick said, stretching, causing his erect dick to slip

slightly into Jesse’s crevice. “Oh, shit. Sorry, man.” Nick had
evidently woken enough to realize what was happening. He pulled
away and rolled on his back.

Jesse felt both a sense of relief and loss. He, too, rolled over.

Shelby got up and licked his face. Clyde, who had been sleeping at
the foot of the mattress, lumbered up to Nick and imitated the coon
hound’s morning greeting.

“You don’t smell too bad,” Nick said to the basset lying

directly on his chest.

Glad nothing was mentioned about the way the men had

awakened, Jesse sniffed Shelby.

“She can definitely do with a little more de-skunking.”
Nick raised his arm to look at his watch. “Six-twenty-six,” he

said. “I’ve got that all-district thing this morning.”

The way he said it let Jesse know Nick needed some help.
“Don’t worry. I have the day off. I’ll take care of the dogs’

baths and get these blankets washed. They probably smell, too.
Hard to tell when you’ve been sniffing it all night.”

“You’re sure?” Nick said.
“Yeah, it’s fine. Go get ready for school, teacher.”
“You’re the greatest,” Nick said and, before Jesse knew how to

respond, Nick rolled toward him and kissed him. Then in a flash he
was gone.

Jesse lay back down. His mind swirled. He didn’t like the

feelings he was having. That wasn’t true; he did like the feelings
he was having. He pulled Shelby close to him. What a contrast to
the way Denny would have handled this situation with the dogs.

“What’s going on, girl?”

SECOND THOUGHTS

100

She wagged her tail and licked his face.

* * *

Nick stood in the shower, leaning his head against the tiles as

the water cascaded down his back.

What the fuck did you do that for? You kissed him. Yeah, it was

just a quick kiss, but…you kissed him. And worse, you wake up
with your arm around him and your fuckin’ dick in his ass crack.
Then you run off like a frickin’ teenage kid.

He straightened up and shook himself. Get a grip, Warden.

He’s taken, and that’s that. He began soaping himself. Yeah, but
there’s some stuff goin’ on with Denny, but… “Warden, get a
grip!” he said aloud as he rinsed and got out of the shower.

Nick put on a terry robe and walked to the living room.

Through the sliding door he saw Jesse, working the last of the dog
shampoo into Clyde’s coat. Shelby was lying nearby, leashed to
the table leg, looking not too excited about the proceedings.

Nick walked to the door, slid it open a crack not wanting to risk

a doggie greeting that would undo his just finished preparations for
work.

“Everything going all right?”
Jesse looked up, smiled, and said, “Yeah, super. You have a

good day at work. I’ll see you when you get home and you can tell
me all about it.”

Nick smiled back. “Okay, I’ll see you later then. I’ll pick up

more de-skunk stuff on the way home.”

This is the way it would be, should be…if only… Nick didn’t let

himself finish the thought.

SECOND THOUGHTS

101

CHAPTER 9

Just as Jesse and a damp Shelby were coming into the condo

through the patio door carrying a pile of blankets, Denny walked
into the living room. Jesse noticed his keys were in his hand. He
wasn’t dressed in flight blues.

“How come you smell like skunk?” Denny asked as Shelby

trotted across to him. He ignored her greeting as he always did.

Jesse repressed the urge to give a sarcastic retort.
“Shelby and Clyde met up with one last night,” he said instead.

“You just getting home?”

“Yeah, just walked in the door.”
“You wore those to work?” Jesse said, indicating Denny’s

shorts and sleeveless tee.

Jesse saw a look akin to a deer in the headlights cross Denny’s

SECOND THOUGHTS

102

face.

“I…uh…changed at the airport.”
“But all three of your uniforms are in the closet,” Jesse said,

recalling the other strange, suspicious events of the past few days.

Again, Denny looked uncomfortable. After a brief hesitation,

he said, “They’re issuing new ones. You know we just merged
with Delta…phasing out the old Northwest stuff. Mine didn’t fit
quite right…so I turned it back in after the flight.”

The explanation, while improbable, seemed plausible enough.

Jesse chose to accept it rather than give in to the disquieting
feelings frequently being raised lately.

“What’re the blankets for?” Denny asked.
“Oh, we couldn’t bring the dogs in cuz of the smell, so we slept

outside with them on the patio.”

“We?” Denny said, raising an eyebrow.
“Nick and I,” Jesse said. “What?” he asked, catching the

accusing expression on Denny’s face.

“What? You tell me what!” Denny said, looking angry.
“Dennis! What do you think? We were out on the patio next

door to Kloswick, the peeping Tessie, and we had two skunked
dogs with us. What could’ve happened? What’s going on with
you?”

“I don’t like the idea of my ‘supposed boyfriend’ sleeping

around,” Denny said and stomped out of the room.

Astonished at his behavior, Jesse stood for a moment, then

shook his head. He took the blankets to the basement and stuffed
them into the washer. That done, he came back upstairs and found
Denny in the bedroom in his briefs, getting ready for a shower.

“What do you mean, ‘supposed boyfriend’?” You know how I

feel about you. Nick and I didn’t—wouldn’t—do anything. We

SECOND THOUGHTS

103

agreed to be monogamous, remember? I’d never cheat on you any
more than you would on me. You know that.”

Denny looked uneasy. The doorbell rang. “You better get that,”

he said.

* * *

Denny lathered himself up. As he did, his mind briefly

entertained the thought that he was washing Carter off: his sweat,
his cum, his scent. The mild stimulation he felt at the memory of
his night with his lover brought a mixed reaction. He had nearly
blown it by not taking a uniform with him the previous night. He
had been so hot to get to his paramour he hadn’t thought ahead,
hadn’t thought of what to do when he got home covered in Carter.

Thank God the frickin’ dog got skunked.
Jesse would have expected sex. He would have been sure to

sense something. And the blankets, they had helped, too. Denny
had misgivings thinking of Nick and Jesse spending the night
together, but it had made for an excuse to divert attention from
him. He did feel guilty, though, when Jesse reminded him of their
promise of monogamy. Here he was breaking that promise and at
the same time pretending to feel jealous of Nick. Maybe Carter
was right. Maybe he should just come clean and all this subterfuge
would be done with. Well, he was clean and fresh now. Maybe a
good session of morning sex with Jess would smooth things over,
and he would have time to think about his next move.

Stimulated and thoughts of guilt under wraps, he stepped out of

the shower and began to towel off, walking into the bedroom just
as Jesse returned.

“Who was at the door?” he asked, repressing the urge to make

SECOND THOUGHTS

104

another comment about Nick in light of his plan to entice Jesse into
some physical recreation.

“Mrs. Kloswick,” Jesse said, hardly looking at Denny as he

sorted through the mail he had evidently picked up while
answering the door. “Her niece is back in town, and she’s invited
us over for dinner this weekend to welcome her.”

Denny walked past Jesse, taking the letters from him and

tossing them on the dresser. He took him by the hand and pulled
him toward the bed.

“Hasn’t she gotten the idea neither of us is interested?” he

asked as he lay down and continued to draw Jesse after him.

Jesse resisted. Instead of lying next to him, he turned and sat on

the edge of the bed. “She’s invited Nick.”

“So, the old matchmaker is trying again. You’d think she’d get

the picture,” said Denny as he repressed the irritation spawned by
Jesse’s lack of response to his advances. Instead, he lightly drew
circles on Jesse’s back with his fingers.

He felt Jesse tense beneath his touch. “Jess?”
Jesse turned and looked at him. Denny smiled his most

charming smile. He put his hand on Jesse’s cheek and tried to get
him to lean into a kiss.

“Not this time, Denny.”
“What?”
“Not till we get some things straight between us. I’m not going

to let that charm of yours sweep your behavior of the past few
weeks under the rug this time.”

Denny dropped his hand, slid up against the headboard and

crossed his arms over his chest. He felt a wave of panic, but
covered it with his usual bravado.

“Okay, so what has bad boy Denny done that’s so fuckin’

SECOND THOUGHTS

105

terrible?”

He expected Jesse to bring up the mix-up of cities in Florida,

the cell phone call from Carter and the uniform: all the things that
pointed to his ongoing affair. He was mentally preparing his
defense. But he was off target and was taken aback by what Jesse
said next.

“I don’t understand your jealousy of Nick. Why would you

think there’s something going on between us? You know I’m
committed to you. You know I’ll wait until you’re ready to go
farther with our relationship. But you’re so…grumpy…I guess is
the word. Making rude comments to Nick, bringing up suspicions
and making accusations. Why, Denny? What have I done to make
you feel that Nick and I are fooling around behind your back?”

Denny felt a sense of relief, as well as a twinge of guilt.
Dear, sweet Jesse, only you would miss the obvious and assume

it was something you were doing that’s making me edgy, instead of
something that’s going on with me.

He felt a surge of love for his boyfriend. He entertained the

thought—albeit briefly—of letting the thing with Carter die on the
vine before any real damage was done to his relationship with
Jesse. But he realized he was too far into his liaison with the older
man and too attracted to him to call it off now.

Instead he took advantage of Jesse’s innocent nature and tap

danced. “Jess, you’re an attractive guy. Nick is, too. He’s a nice
guy as well,” he added for emphasis. “I’ve been busy with
work…flying a lot. I guess I feel guilty being away so much. I
guess I’m just afraid it’s driving you away from me and you’d
rather be with a guy who doesn’t run off every few days for a week
at a time…someone who comes home to you every night and all
that.”

SECOND THOUGHTS

106

He dropped his eyes and put on his most pitiable expression.

He waited for Jesse’s response. He didn’t have to wait long.

“You jerk,” Jesse said tenderly. He put his hand under Denny’s

chin and lifted it so their eyes met. “Sure, it’d be nice to have that
kind of set-up: home every night, long, leisurely evenings together,
weekends to play and explore. But we don’t. I knew that wasn’t
going to be the plan when I hooked up with a flight attendant. I
chose you anyway…cuz I love you, Dennis Christopoulos.”

Denny pretended to force a smile. He pressed his lips together

as if trying not to cry. If only he could tear up on cue. All he could
manage in that department was to blink and squint a little to give
the illusion.

Jesse leaned forward and kissed him, gently, tenderly.
Gotcha, Denny thought.

* * * *

As he dressed for Mrs. Kloswick’s dinner party, Nick was glad

he had had a call from Jesse, checking on how Clyde was doing
after the skunk episode. He would have been nervous about
meeting Mrs. K.’s niece, Angela, except Jesse had assured him
both he and Denny had been through this. They’d discovered
Angela to be a very nice young woman who found her aunt’s
attempts at matchmaking amusing. So, as he tied his tie and
applied gel to his hair, he found himself in a good mood. He hadn’t
seen Jesse since the night they had spent together on the patio with
the dogs, and he missed him. He again assured himself those
feelings were based strictly on friendship and nothing more.

“Well,” he said to Clyde, who sat in the doorway of the

bathroom watching the proceedings, “do I pass muster?”

SECOND THOUGHTS

107

“Woof,” came Clyde’s low bark. The effort raised his front

paws slightly off the floor.

Nick chuckled. “Thanks, bud.”
He bent down and scratched the hound’s long, silky ears.
“Be good. I’ll be back later to take you for a…you know what.”

Nick avoided the magic word. “If we’re lucky, maybe Jesse and
Shelby will come with us.”

At Shelby’s name, Clyde woofed again.
“Yeah, I feel the same,” Nick mused, trying to keep himself

from thinking of Jesse in a “more than a friend” way. After rising,
he walked to the bedroom door, partially closed it and inspected
his reflection in the full length mirror: light blue, striped Oxford
button down, striped tie in complementary colors, beige Dockers,
black belt and loafers. He smiled at his reflection. Satisfied he
looked reasonably enough like a teacher to make Mrs. K. happy
and impress Angela—and maybe Jesse, he thought involuntarily.
He closed the door and walked to the kitchen. He took a bottle of
Chardonnay from the fridge and went to the front door. Clyde
followed him.

“Sorry, bud, but you’re on duty. Take care of the house.”
The dog looked left and right before ambling off into the living

room.

Nick arrived at Mrs. Kloswick’s walkway at the same time

Jesse and Denny emerged from their condo. He stood and waited
for them. As they approached, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of
envy. The two men walked toward him hand in hand. Both were
handsome and fit. They made the perfect couple.

Perfect except for Denny’s personality. Nick admonished

himself for the negative thought.

“Hi, guys,” he said as they walked up to him.

SECOND THOUGHTS

108

Jesse and Denny acknowledged his greeting.
“What’d you bring?” Denny asked, indicating the bottle in the

crook of Nick’s arm.

“Chardonnay. You?” Nick responded, nodding to the bottle

Denny carried.

“Pinot Noire. Good, a white and a red. I got it at a quaint little

winery in France. It’s a ’97, a very good year. Where did you get
yours?”

“Dennis!” Jesse said with a jab in his ribs.
Nick wasn’t moved by Denny’s effort at one-upmanship.

“Dominick’s,” he said with a chuckle. “I think it’s a 2009.”

Jesse smiled at him as if to say, Atta boy. It made Nick feel

good.

Denny gave a sort of a laugh through his nose. “Shall we?” he

said, gesturing toward the door.

The three walked up to Mrs. Kloswick’s front door. Before

anyone could ring the bell, it opened. Why am I not surprised?
Nick thought. Mrs. K. opened the screen door wide and
enthusiastically welcomed them in. They were lead through the
entryway to the living room. A pretty young woman stood as they
entered. She had soft, shoulder-length, light brown hair with
blonde highlights. Nick was sure they were natural. She walked
toward the men. She had a sweet smile and soft brown eyes.

If I were straight…
“This, gentlemen, is Angela!” Mrs. K. said majestically with a

sweeping motion toward her niece. “Angela, dear, you remember
Dennis and Jesse?”

“Yes, of course,” came the soft reply. “How have you been?”
Both men nodded and exchanged pleasantries in response.
“And this”—Mrs. K. turned to Nick, putting an arm around his

SECOND THOUGHTS

109

shoulders and pushing him forward—“is our new neighbor,
Nicolas. He’s a teacher.”

Nick smiled self-consciously. He took the hand extended to

him.

“Yes, Aunt Ursula has told me so much about you.” She

emphasized the word, “so” and gave him a half wink.

Nick could hear Denny’s stifled chuckle behind him.
“I’ve heard some about you as well,” Nick said, releasing her

hand. “You’re studying to be a teacher yourself. What level?”

“High school Spanish,” she replied.
“Well, we’ll leave you to get acquainted,” put in Mrs.

Kloswick. “Come, you two,” she said to Jesse and Denny. She
took the bottle of wine from Nick, thanked him and said to Denny,
“Bring your wine and come with me. Jesse, you get the drink
orders from Angela and Nick, and meet us in the kitchen.”

She marched off in that direction with Denny in tow. Jesse

chuckled and looked questioningly at Nick and Angela.

“I’ll have the Pinot Noire from that quaint little winery in

France,” Nick said with a wink.

“Me, too,” said Angela.
“Very good,” said Jesse, with a half bow and click of his heels

in pseudo butler fashion.

“Have fun,” he added as he left the room.
“My aunt has a good heart,” Angela said, turning to the sofa

and sitting down. “And she means well.”

Nick joined her. They talked for a few minutes about Nick’s

job and Angela’s aspirations. Jesse returned with the wine.

“Your aunt has instructed me to serve the wine and get back to

the kitchen to help with dinner.”

All three laughed.

SECOND THOUGHTS

110

* * *

Dinner went well. Mrs. K. proved to be an excellent cook. The

three-course meal consisted of butternut squash soup, served with
each guest’s initial written in cream on the surface. The main
course was baked chicken breast stuffed with fresh spinach leaves
and Boursin cheese. The chicken was rolled in butter and crushed
garlic potato chips and served with twice-baked potatoes. Dessert
was individual blackberry pies, baked in teacups. Mrs. Kloswick
made sure Angela got credit for much of the cooking, although the
young woman insisted all she had done was chop a few veggies
and crush the potato chips.

During the meal and following, the conversation roved from

topic to topic, with Mrs. K. always bringing it back to subjects that
focused on Nick and Angela. Everyone indulged her with veiled
smiles and furtive glances. Nick was surprised when she brought
Clyde into the conversation.

“Nick has this wonderful little dog. His name is… ah…

Clarence.”

“Clyde,” Nick volunteered.
“Ah, yes, Clyde. Nice little beagle,” she continued.
“Basset,” Jesse corrected her.
This brought a look from Denny.
“Whatever,” she went on undeterred. “Angela just loves dogs,

especially bassets. Don’t you, dear?”

“Um…well…yes, Aunt Ursula, if you say so,” Angela said

with a soft laugh.

Aunt Ursula’s real motivation was revealed when she

suggested it might be time for Clyde’s nightly walk and added it
would be nice for Angela to get a little air.

SECOND THOUGHTS

111

“Yeah…uh…that would be fine,” Nick stammered, still a little

off guard.

“It’s about time for Shelby’s walk, too,” Jesse added.
Denny looked at him again.
“No, dear,” Mrs. K. broke in. “I’ll need you two to help me

with the dishes.”

“Of course we’ll help you,” Denny chimed in.
Both Nick and Jesse looked at him.
“What?” he asked.
“You, volunteering to do dishes?” Jesse snickered.
“Jesse Jamison! You cut me to the quick!” said Denny, taking

mock affront. “Come on, Jess. I’ll take a walk with you and Shelby
later,” he added.

“Okay,” Jesse said with a laugh, looking at Nick. “You guys

are on your own.”

Later, Nick came out of his house with Clyde and met Angela

on the walkway. She dropped to one knee and ruffed the pooch’s
furry neck. Clyde leaned into the proffered affection.

“Aren’t you the handsome gentleman?” Angela said with that

soft laugh Nick appreciated so much.

“He’ll let you do that all night. He loves being the center of

attention.”

Angela looked up at Nick and smiled. She stood and the three

made their way to the sidewalk. Clyde turned down the walk
toward Jesse’s condo.

“Not tonight, bud. They won’t be joining us.” Nick looked

back at Mrs. K.’s condo.

He tugged on Clyde’s leash and turned him in the opposite

direction, heading for the dog park.

“Does he know you’re in love with him?” Angela asked

SECOND THOUGHTS

112

casually as they walked down the street.

“What? Who?” Nick stopped and turned to her, startled by the

statement. Clyde took the opportunity to sniff the nearest tree and
give it a watering.

She smiled and laughed. “Jesse, of course. Have you let him

know you’re in love with him?”

Not sure what to say, he stammered, “Why…uh…why would

you think I’m in love with him?” Nick began walking again, giving
Clyde’s leash a tug.

“Well, to start with, when Clyde turned toward Jesse’s condo

you told him, ‘They won’t be joining us.’”

“How does that tell you I’m in love with him? Seems to be

pretty flimsy evidence,” Nick said. He was smiling.

“If you weren’t disappointed Jesse wasn’t coming with us,

you’d have said ‘She isn’t coming’ or ‘Shelby isn’t coming.’”

“Hmmm, I see. Well, it still seems pretty thin.”
“By itself it would be, but—”
“But what?” Nick said, stopping again and turning to her.
“The way you look at him. All during dinner, you hung on his

every word and followed his every move. Your eyes shone like
diamonds in the sun every time he smiled.”

Nick started walking again, shaking his head. “It’s that

obvious?”

“Yep.”
Nick walked along in thoughtful silence. They came to the dog

park. He let Clyde off his leash and the hound galumped off to find
a friend. Nick and Angela sat down on a bench and watched him.

Without turning to her, he asked, “Do you think Jesse saw

anything?”

“No.”

SECOND THOUGHTS

113

“No?” He turned to her now, feeling both disappointment and

relief.

“He’s too busy trying to hide the fact he has pretty strong

feelings for you, too.” She smiled.

Nick’s mouth dropped open. “And you know this how?”
“By the way he looks at you, laughs when you’re funny,

watches you when he thinks you aren’t looking. Then looks away
if he thinks anyone might see him.”

“You should be majoring in criminology, Nancy Drew, not

education.”

They both laughed. Then Nick became serious. “What about

Denny? Do you think he sees it, too?”

“Yes, I do think he’s aware the two of you have feelings for

each other.”

“Shit! Oh, sorry—” Nick said embarrassed.
“Don’t be silly. I’m a big girl. But the strange thing,” Angela

said thoughtfully, “is that I don’t think it bothered him. It looked
like Denny was glad you and Jesse are having feelings for each
other.”

Nick looked at her, not sure what to say.
“The question is, why?” She returned his look. “Seems like

something’s going on.”

Nick turned back to watch Clyde playing with a German

shepherd twice his size. Several thoughts came to him as he
considered what Angela had just said: the phone call he had
overheard the morning after he’d met Denny; his dismissive
attitude toward the ring Jesse had given him for their anniversary;
his odd behavior while Jesse was out of town, forgetting he had let
Shelby out; asking him to take care of her while he was away until
late.

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Yeah, there does seem to be something weird going on. But,

like Angela says, what is it?

At that point Clyde returned to where they were sitting and

flopped on the ground, apparently exhausted from his romp with
the bigger dog.

“Do you think you can prop yourself up on those pegs of yours

so we can walk home? I’m not gonna carry you, you know,” Nick
said, reaching down to scratch the tuckered dog’s head.

Clyde just sighed.

* * *

As the trio approached the condos, they saw Jesse and Denny

leaving Mrs. Kloswick’s and heading for home. Nick called out to
them. They turned and waited.

“I guess you’ve had about as much of Aunt Ursula as you can

take for one night?” Angela said lightly.

“You can say that again,” Denny returned.
“Dennis!” Jesse admonished.
Angela laughed. “I understand. She can be a bit over the top,

but she means well.”

They all chuckled at this.
Then Denny said, “You guys have a good walk, good

conversation?”

“Oh, we found some interesting topics to discuss,” Angela

replied, looking at Nick and smiling.

“Yeah, we did. As a matter of fact, we found out we’re both

interested in mysteries,” said Nick, smiling at her, tempted to wink.

“Mystery books, movies, what?” Denny asked.
“More like real life ones,” said Angela. “You know, the

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mysteries of life.” She looked directly at Denny and smiled.

Nick was aware Jesse had been watching him during the

exchange,

“Hmm, sounds too deep for me tonight,” Denny answered.

“Come on, Jess, time to get home.”

Jesse turned to Denny and said, “Remember, you promised to

take a walk with Shelby and me.”

“’Promised’ is a pretty strong word,” Denny grumped as he

turned away.

Jesse rolled his eyes, said goodnight to Angela and Nick, and

followed Denny down the sidewalk.

“You should rescue him from that,” said Angela, turning to

Nick.

Nick didn’t respond. He just watched Jesse and Denny stroll up

their walk and enter the condo. At that moment, he stopped
fighting his feelings. He was in love with Jesse; he couldn’t deny
it. And Angela was right. Jesse needed rescuing. But—the question
was—how would he do that? More importantly, could he do that?

SECOND THOUGHTS

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CHAPTER 10

Jesse hadn’t seen Nick since the night of Mrs. K.’s dinner

party. He was anxious about it. His anxiety grew as each day
without some form of contact went by. He rationalized that it was
because Nick was busy adjusting to a new job, but he worried there
was something deeper. Then he started worrying about why he was
feeling this way in the first place. Nick was a friend. That was all.
Yet every time the phone rang and it wasn’t Nick, he worried. The
degree to which he was agitated by the lack of contact was more
akin to how he had felt in the early days of his relationship with
Denny.

Denny. In these early weeks in September, he seemed to be

flying more than usual again and was having more layovers, too.
Jesse, although aware of the flight hour restrictions on the cabin

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crew, had never before felt the need to keep tabs on Denny’s flight
time. Now he was beginning to think he should.

There was also the call that afternoon from Brian, Denny’s

buddy at the airline, another flight attendant. He had called to say
he was in town and wanted to get together with Denny. Seems
Denny had told him he was done flying for the week and was
happy to be on his way back to Chicago. As far as Jesse knew,
Denny was in California and, from there, had another flight to
Atlanta. At least that’s what Denny had told him when he had
called that morning. Brian had mumbled something about being
mistaken, but the call had left Jesse feeling unnerved. Things like
this were happening pretty frequently of late.

So, with all that going on in his mind, he jumped when his

phone rang.

“Hi, this is Nick.”
A wave of relief swept through him.
“Nick, good to hear from you.” Jesse hoped the rush of

happiness he felt at hearing his neighbor’s voice didn’t show.
“Haven’t heard from you in a while. Everything all right?”

It seemed to Jesse that Nick hesitated in responding. “Yeah, uh,

everything’s cool. Just really busy at school. You know, getting
used to the new routine and all.”

They went on to chat for a while about Nick’s new experiences

and his adjustments to teaching. Then Nick said, “Look, my old
roommate at Michigan called. Ken has season football tickets for
him and his wife, but they’re gonna be out of town this weekend.”

Nick hesitated, and Jesse held his breath.
“Well,” Nick went on, “this is short notice, but I was

wondering if you’d like to go to Ann Arbor with me and catch the
game. It’s Michigan—Illinois, your alma mater.”

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118

Jesse had to mentally take a deep breath and restrain himself

from shouting “Hell, yes” into the phone. “Hey, that sounds good.
I’d have to check with Denny and see if he’s gonna be home.”

A jumble of thoughts and feelings rushed through Jesse’s head.

God, after all the time he’s been gone, Denny’ll probably be home
this weekend. Shit, why would I rather go to Ann Arbor with Nick
than be home with Denny? Jesse’s thoughts were interrupted by
Nick’s voice.

“Uh…yeah…sure. Well, you let me know as soon as you check

with your guy. I’d understand if you couldn’t make it.”

“I will, I will. I’ll call Denny right away and see where he is

and when he expects to be home…and Nick?”

“Yeah?”
“Thanks for thinking of me. I kinda need some distraction this

weekend.”

The men said goodbye and hung-up. Jesse, with hands

trembling, punched Denny’s number on the speed dial.

* * *

Thinking of you! Fuck! Thinking of you is all I do lately.
Nick leaned his head against the wall, his hand still on the

receiver of the kitchen wall phone. His heart was pounding.

He straightened up and turned to Clyde, sitting in the doorway.
“Well, I did it!”
Clyde’s tail thumped the floor.
“Angela said I should rescue Jesse, and I sure am gonna try.”
Clyde woofed; Nick dropped down on one knee and buried his

face into the hound’s neck. “I sure hope it works.”

Nick had purposely kept out of touch with Jesse for almost two

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119

weeks, even going so far as not walking Clyde when he knew Jesse
would be taking Shelby out. The night of the dinner he had finally
admitted to himself his true feelings for the man. That admission
had been followed by feelings of guilt at the thought of going after
him, breaking up his relationship with Denny, and trying to
establish one for himself. He would never do such a thing if he
didn’t believe Jesse was being treated pretty shabbily.

He also had no plan. How was he to go about this task of

rescuing a grown man from an unfortunate liaison? So, while he
sorted out his feelings and tried to come up with a direction for his
mission, he had kept his distance from Jesse.

Then Ken had called with the news that his football tickets

were available. A kernel of a plan had popped into his head. He
would invite Jess to Ann Arbor for the weekend. Maybe just being
with him for an extended period of time would do the trick. Hadn’t
Angela said she thought Jesse had something going for him?
Maybe it just needed some room to grow, a neutral field.

Now, if only Denny is out of the way, too.
Nick knew Jesse would never leave town with Denny at home.

He hoped Jesse would call back soon.

He went and sat on the couch next to the phone, but he couldn’t

stay still. He got up and walked to the patio door and looked out
into the gathering dusk. The logistics of the weekend needed to be
worked out. Nick looked at the phone on the end table again. He
walked back and sat down.

Ken had offered their house to Nick. The dogs could come with

them.

Maybe I should call back and mention that to Jesse.
He lifted the receiver, just to make sure the phone was working

properly.

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120

Upon hearing a dial tone, he re-cradled it and walked to the

patio door once more.

Yeah, a house of our own, the dogs with us, perfect. A taste of

what it could be like if we were…together. He smiled at the
thought.

They would leave on Friday right after school was out. Friday

was a half day that week, comp time for evening parent
conferences. They could leave in the early afternoon. That way
they’d have two full nights and a couple of days to be together.

Nights?
What would he do? He wouldn’t try anything. No, he wouldn’t

go that far. Just let the ambience work for him.

He jumped when the phone rang. He turned to it, rubbed his

palms on his jeans and took a deep breath.

“Hello, Je—”
“Congratulations! You’ve just been selected to spend a luxury

weekend for two in Las Vegas—”

Nick sighed in frustration. “Thanks, but I’ve already made

plans for the weekend,” he said to the telemarketer, slamming the
phone down.

He took a deep breath and started pacing the floor again.

* * *

Carter looked over at the desk in the hotel room. Denny’s

phone was ringing. Denny had just gotten into the shower. They
had arrived five minutes earlier from the airport. Carter checked
the caller ID. It was Jesse. He let it go to voicemail.

“Carter, what’re ya doin’?” Denny called over the shower’s

hum. “I need that sexy body of yours in here with me.”

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121

“Be there in a sec,” Carter responded.
Don’t want a call from the little woman to mess up our

weekend. These football tickets were fuckin’ damn hard to come by
with Michigan doing so well.

Being the shrewd man he was, Carter had previously observed

Denny’s PIN when logging in to his voicemail. He dialed it as
soon as the phone registered a message.

“Hi, hon. This is Jesse. Just needed to check on your plans for

the weekend because if you’re not going to be home, I’d like to do
something with Nick. Let me know as soon as you can. Love
you…”

Carter smiled and pressed the delete message key. He then

texted a message to Jesse.

Hi…can’t call now…on a flight. Will be laying over in… Carter

thought for a minute. Where had Nick told Jesse he was? Atlanta.
Won’t b home till next week. Have a good time with Nick. Love u2

Carter went to sent messages and cleared the phone’s memory.

He then undressed and, with a slowly rising phallus, walked
toward Denny in the shower.

* * *

Jesse heard the ding indicating an incoming text. He frowned

while reading it. He’s doing a lot of flying around for sure.

His next thought was more pleasant. He took a deep breath and

dialed Nick’s number. It rang three times. Jesse heard the phone
being picked up. There was no response.

“Nick? Are you there?”
“Jesse?”
“Yeah, were you expecting someone else?”

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122

Nick laughed. “No, but if you can go, we have two choices:

Ann Arbor or Las Vegas.”

“What?”
Nick laughed again. “Never mind. Can you go?”
Did Jesse hear excited anticipation in the man’s voice, or was it

his imagination?

“I guess I’m free. I didn’t actually talk to Denny, but he just

texted me and said he was going to be gone until next week. So,
what’s the plan?”

Jesse heard what he thought was a shuddering breath from the

other end of the line.

“Well, I thought we’d leave Friday. We can leave early if

you’re free. We have one of those weird half days off. They call
them breather days. Well, anyway, Ken offered their house, so
we’ll save on a place to stay. That means we can take Clyde and
Shelby. How does that sound?”

“Sounds great,” Jesse responded, his excitement growing at the

prospect of a weekend away with Nick. “Hey, I could meet you at
school. It’s closer to the interstate, then we’d have more time—”

Jesse bit his lip. Had he seemed too eager?
Nick didn’t seem to react negatively to that. They went on to

discuss particulars of how the pick up would work, what to bring
and other logistical matters. When Jesse hung up, he was feeling
almost giddy.

“Serves you right, Christopoulos,” he said to the picture on the

end table. “I deserve a fun weekend with being left on my own so
much lately. A few days away with a friend is what I need.”

* * *

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123

Nick hung up, punched the air with his fist and shouted, “Yes!”
Clyde galumphed around his legs, barking.
“You shoulda heard him, Clyde, old man,” Nick said to the

dog. “He sounded excited and happy to be going with us. He even
offered to pick me up at school so we’d have more time to be
together. Well, he didn’t actually say that…but that’s what he
meant,” Nick tried to convince himself.

Nick didn’t want to read more into this than necessary, but he

couldn’t deny Jesse’s response was more than he could’ve hoped
for. He felt a warm glow as he got ready for bed. As he lay on his
back later, he had to fight the temptation not to give in to fantasies
of those two nights with Jesse in Ann Arbor.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Mr. Warden,” he admonished. He

turned his attention instead to Jay Leno’s monologue on the
bedroom TV, although he hardly heard a word.

* * *

Denny turned to Carter as he entered the shower. The older

man took Denny in his arms and kissed him. Their tongues danced,
each fighting for the lead. The warm water cascaded over their
bodies. Both men were completely erect, swollen members
grinding against muscular abdomens.

Denny broke the kiss. “Was that my phone?”
“No, mine,” Carter said, pressing their lips together once more.
After a prolonged kiss, Denny said, “It didn’t sound like your

ring.”

Carter reached down and began to massage Denny’s ass

cheeks, pressing a finger against the tight pucker, kissing and
grinding against him with increased urgency. Denny no longer

SECOND THOUGHTS

124

cared whose phone it had been, or who had called. He turned and
leaned against the wall, welcoming Carter inside him.

SECOND THOUGHTS

125

CHAPTER 11

Fall in Ann Arbor. Nick had almost forgotten how much he

loved it. Now he was here, the memories of those years at the U
came back to him. But tonight it was even sweeter. Tonight he was
here with Jesse.

The two men walked along the quiet residential street. The air

was crisp and cool. The stars twinkled in the clear October sky.
The dry leaves crunched under their feet as they walked. Clyde and
Shelby shuffled and snuffled through them as the two canines
scooted back and forth across the sidewalk, taking in all the
excitement of the smells in this new environment.

Nick was tempted to take Jesse’s hand. It all seemed so natural

to be here with him, so perfect. He almost could forget there was a
guy named Denny to contend with somewhere out there, but in the

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126

end, he didn’t. He contented himself to walk by the side of the man
he hoped to claim for his own at some point.

The ride down that afternoon had been a good one. It seemed to

Nick the farther away from the city they got, the more relaxed and
happy Jesse had become. The dogs had snoozed on the back seat as
the hustle of the traffic in the city turned into the peace of the
rolling rural countryside. Jesse commented on the colorful display
of fall foliage, clarity of the sky and clean air away from the city. It
was as if he was shedding some sort of cocoon he had been
wrapped in and was free to be himself. He’d noted Jesse had sat
slightly sideways in his seat so he could face him more easily. This
had pleased Nick.

Arriving in Ann Arbor, Nick had driven by the stadium so

Jesse could see the gathering of the RVs and beginnings of the
tailgate city on the lawns of the high school, kitty corner from the
Big House, as U of M stadium was called. They then drove to
Ken’s home located a few blocks from the football field, found the
key where Ken had hidden it and got settled in.

As they walked the dogs in the cool of the evening, the sound

of the marching band floated to them on the breeze.

“Is that the band?” Jesse asked.
“Yeah, they have a final practice for halftime the night before

the game. Their practice field is just a couple blocks over. Wanna
go watch?”

“Sure…always thought the band was the best part of a football

game anyway.”

“Yeah, other than the tight pants the players wear.”
They both laughed.
Dogs by their sides, they walked the few blocks to the asphalt

slab laid out with yard stripes that served as the substitute for the

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127

real thing as the band worked on its routines. Nick explained the
Friday night practice had become a tradition. He was right, as by
the time they arrived, there were about a hundred people gathered
around the field enjoying the final run-through of the next day’s
performance.

As Nick stood beside Jesse listening to the music and watching

him as he kept time by nodding his head, he was filled with a sense
of contentment. This had definitely been a good idea. Definitely.

At the end of the concert, which finished with a rousing chorus

of “Hail to the Victors,” the U of M fight song, Nick led the quartet
home by a route that took them to a local dairy bar. Just as Nick
remembered, it was crowded with patrons on this warm early
October Friday, hungry for the fabled homemade ice cream. While
Jesse sat outside on a bench and minded the dogs, Nick went inside
and procured two double dip waffle cones of Moose Tracks and an
extra empty cone to treat Shelby and Clyde.

“Holy sh—” Jesse stopped himself as he looked around at the

kids that stood in the area. “Holy cow, that’s about a pint of ice
cream in each cone!”

Nick laughed. “I told you they were generous portions.”
“Generous…gargantuan is more the word I’d use.”
“I’m sure Clyde and Shelby will be happy to finish up what

you can’t,” said Nick, still chuckling.

Jesse made a fake scowl. “Gimme that thing,” he growled. “I’ll

force myself. Just have to run a couple of extra miles in the
morning.” He took the confection and dove into it.

When he came up for a breath, Nick laughed.
“What?” Jesse asked.
Nick pointed to his nose. Jesse looked cross-eyed as if trying to

see what Nick was pointing too.

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128

Nick laughed again. “Ice cream,” he said.
Jesse tried to lick it off with the tip of his tongue.
Still chuckling, Nick reached out with a napkin. “Here, let me.”
He wiped the end of Jesse’s nose. Their eyes met. A strange

expression came over Jesse’s face.

Nick inwardly grimaced. Had he been too familiar, crossed

some invisible line?

Jesse’s face softened, the strange look replaced with a smile.

“Thanks, maybe I’ll get to do the same for you one day.”

Nick relaxed. His apprehension was supplanted with a warm

feeling of affection. His plan seemed to be working.

For the next quarter-hour, the two sat side by side eating their

ice cream and feeding the begging pooches bits of the extra cone.
Then they walked back to Ken’s house. They passed two men
holding hands coming toward them.

Jesse looked at Nick with a raised eyebrow.
“Ann Arbor,” Nick said smiling.
Jesse looked back at the men and sighed. He turned to Nick.

“Good to have that freedom.”

Nick nodded.
“Maybe someday,” Jesse said, returning his gaze to the street

ahead.

“Yeah, someday,” echoed Nick.

* * *

The next morning, the two men were pounding the pavement

with an early morning jog. They took a route allowing them to run
by the stadium. Jesse was impressed, again, with the size of the
structure.

SECOND THOUGHTS

129

“Wait until you walk inside,” Nick had said. “It always takes

my breath away.”

Even though it was early, the noon kick-off had the tailgaters,

early arrivers and hawkers selling unwanted tickets already
congesting the streets.

They ran along beside the high school parking lot where the

maize-and-blue flags fluttered in the light breeze. Here and there
an orange-and-blue Illinois flag could be seen. Games of beanbag
toss and Jarts were being played. Jesse heard music coming from
several boom boxes. Delicious odors from the fired up grills
reached his nostrils. There were tents where U of M apparel could
be purchased. While never a big football fan, he felt the
excitement. A thrill shot through his body as he jogged along.

The sensation he had that morning was very akin to the thrill he

had felt the previous night when Nick had emerged from the
bathroom, drying his hair and wearing only a towel wrapped low
around his hips. Nick’s head was bowed as he walked down the
hall toward him. Jesse had taken the opportunity to look at him. He
remembered the day after they met and their trip to Sid’s gym. The
man he had found so physically attractive then, he now found
personally attractive as well. He had so many desirable traits:
sincerity, humility, a gentle spirit and a sense of humor.

If I had known Nick before I met…
Once again, as he had so often in the time since he had met

Nick Warden, Jesse had to check his thoughts of comparison
between this man and his partner. He had a committed relationship
with Denny, and that was that.

However, that hadn’t stopped him from having a stab of envy

when Shelby had abandoned him and jumped in bed with Clyde
and Nick in the bedroom across the hall.

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130

“Hey, Shel wants to sleep with Clyde,” Nick had called out.
“No problem,” Jesse had replied. Yeah, no problem at all. He

sighed.

Back at the house after their exercise, Jesse showered while

Nick fixed breakfast. He stood at the mirror shaving, feeling the
glow that comes following a shower after a good run. He paused
and wondered if the feelings he was experiencing came not only
from his workout, but from something more. Something he
couldn’t quite put his finger on.

There was a soft knock on the door. He turned to it as it opened

a crack. Nick’s smile became visible. Jesse opened the door wider.
Nick’s smile deepened as his eyes swept Jesse’s towel-clad body.
Jesse felt a swoop of excitement pass through him. Nick’s eyes met
his.

“Breakfast is ready,” Nick said in a soft, almost intimate voice.
For a moment he wanted to reach out, put his hand on the back

of Nick’s neck and pull him close.

Jesse took a deep breath. “I’ll be right down.”
Nick nodded as he turned, still smiling. Jesse watched him

walk away and disappear down the stairs. He turned back to the
mirror and wiped the last of the shaving cream from his face. He
looked deeply at his reflection.

“Don’t!” he told himself firmly. “You promised yourself when

you committed to Denny you weren’t gonna be like other guys
whose commitment lasted until the novelty wore off, or until
someone better came along. So, just stop it now!”

Punctuating the statement with a nod of his head, Jesse headed

for the bedroom to get dressed for breakfast.

As Jesse entered the kitchen, he had to step over the two dogs

who sat side by side, hoping for a suspension of the house rule

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131

against feeding begging animals people food. Nick was at the stove
dishing up the scrambled eggs and sausages. The toaster popped.

“Get that, will ya?” he said to Jesse in a casual voice.
Jesse stepped over the canines once again and took the slices of

toast, placing them on a plate sitting next to the appliance. He
spread them with butter and set the plate on the table next to the
small bowl of strawberry jam. Nick was right behind him with two
plates of steaming eggs and sausage.

“Sit,” he commanded with a smile.
The dogs, who had risen as the food hovered just out of reach,

obeyed. Jesse obeyed as well, smiling back.

“God, that smells great,” he said rubbing his hands together in

anticipation.

Nick sat opposite him. He raised his glass of OJ. “Go, Blue!”

he said with a wink.

Jesse raised his glass, “Go…uh…go…” He laughed. “See, I’m

so unfootball I don’t even know what my school fight slogan is.”
He laughed again.

Nick laughed, too. “Go, Illini!”
“Okay, if you say so. Go, Illini!”
The two clinked their glasses in a toast before beginning to eat.
“I didn’t make coffee yet. Didn’t know if you like regular or

decaf,” Nick said between bites.

“Regular,” Jesse replied, taking another drink of juice. “Guess

we’ll just have to get to know one another bet—” He stopped, put
his glass down and looked at Nick, who had also stopped with his
fork in mid-air.

Nick was smiling. “I’d like that,” he said simply.
Jesse looked down, embarrassed. Why was he getting feelings

akin to his first days with Denny: days when they explored their

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132

interests, likes and dislikes, explorations in which Jesse had taken
so much joy? Nick was a friend, not a potential partner.

Nick put his fork down, got up and made coffee. When he sat

again, the two finished eating, talked about the game, Nick’s time
at the university and other things. Jesse felt a deep contentment
steal over him as they drank their coffee when it was done
brewing. He was totally enjoying being here with Nick. He could
see Nick was enjoying it, too.

Nick looked at the wall clock, one of those old-fashioned ones:

a cat whose tail wagged like a pendulum and eyes moved back and
forth.

“Oh, we better get going,” he said, rising and starting to gather

the dishes together.

“I’ll take care of this. You go shower.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. You were the cook; I’ll be the bottle washer.”
“Okay,” Nick said, giving Jesse’s shoulder a soft squeeze.
As Nick left the room, Jesse raised his hand and touched the

place where Nick’s hand had been. Then he sighed and got up to
begin his K.P. duty. If he were home with Denny he would have
been both chief cook and bottle washer. Once again, he shook off
the temptation to compare the two situations and began to wash the
dishes.

* * *

Nick watched Jesse’s reaction as they emerged from one of the

entry tunnels.

“Whoa,” Jesse exclaimed.
Nick laughed. Most people new to the Big House reacted that

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133

way, not expecting the floor of the stadium to drop away, to be so
far below street level.

“Pretty impressive, eh?”
“I’ll say.”
They made their way down to their seats. The teams were on

the field for their pre-game warm-ups. People were filing in; there
was an air of excitement. They found their seat numbers on the
bench. The numbers were very close together.

“It’ll be a pretty tight fit,” Nick said. “The stadium holds over a

hundred thousand. They get that by packing us in like sardines.”

Jesse nodded. Nick privately was pleased he would have an

excuse to be pressed up close to him. He hoped the seats on either
side of theirs would be filled to insure a close pack.

For the moment, they stood and watched the teams ready

themselves for the contest. After a while, they exited the field. The
band was announced and the pre-game show began. Nick could see
Jesse really appreciated this part of the experience. The man
clapped and cheered and kept time to the music. The teams
returned to the field to the cheers of the partisan crowd. The
singing of the national anthem was followed by the coin toss, then
the kick-off. The game was underway.

To Nick’s delight, the fans on either side of them had shown

up. When they sat, his leg, arm and shoulder were pressed against
Jesse.

Michigan had the ball first and easily took it the length of the

field in six plays and scored. Jesse rose with the rest and roared his
approval.

“Hey,” Nick said over the noise of the celebration, “you’re an

Illini, remember?”

Jesse just laughed as he high-fived the man standing next to

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134

him.

“When in Rome…” He laughed again.

* * *

By half-time, Michigan seemed to have the game well in hand.

They were up seventeen points over their opponent.

“Let’s go get something to eat. I’m starving,” Nick said.
“You go,” Jesse replied. “I want to stay and watch the half-time

show.”

“Can I get you anything?”
Jesse turned and smiled at him. “Sure, whatever you get is

fine.”

Nick nodded and made his way down the narrow row. As he

got to the end and started up the stairs, he turned and looked back
at Jesse, who was standing and clapping as the Illini band took the
field.

This is good.
With a light heart, he made his way up the stairs with the crowd

heading for the johns and concessions.

The lines at the food stand were long. Nick stood behind an

older man. As Nick casually appraised him, the man turned. He
knew the man had caught him checking him out. The guy, in turn,
unabashedly looked Nick up and down. Embarrassed, not knowing
what to say, Nick started to mumble some sort of apology.

“Hey, no problem,” said the handsome, middle-aged man.

“You see something you like, enjoy it. And I definitely see
something I like.”

Nick was disconcerted with the guy’s openness. He looked

around uncomfortably.

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“Sorry,” the man said. “Didn’t mean to embarrass you. Just

figured we were on the same page. Am I wrong?”

“No, you’re not wrong,” Nick said, “but I’m not used to being

outed in public.” He kept his voice low.

“Ouch!” the older man chuckled. “Okay,” he said also lowering

his voice and taking on a comic, conspiratorial tone. “Guess I just
got overexcited seeing an attractive stud like you giving an old
codger like me the once over.” He looked around and then winked
at Nick.

Nick really did not want to continue this conversation, but he

said, “I wouldn’t call you old at all. But I’m not—”

The man cut him off. “Look, I’m busy this weekend, but maybe

we could…uh…arrange something for another time. Here, let me
give you my card,” he said and began to pull out his wallet.

Nick raised his hand to protest. The man seemed to look over

his shoulder, put the wallet back in his pocket and abruptly turned
away.

“There you are, Carter,” sounded a voice from behind Nick.
Nick turned to see Denny striding toward them as the line

inched forward.

The smile on Denny’s face faded as he recognized his

neighbor. Nick looked from Denny to the man standing in front of
him and back to Denny again. In an instant, it all became clear, all
Denny’s strange behavior over the past few weeks that had Jesse
so puzzled. His partner was having an affair.

* * *

Nick made his way back to his seat carrying the little cardboard

box with the drinks, hot dogs, and pretzels inside. His mind was

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reeling. The scene he had just exited was awkward to say the least.
This man Carter didn’t want Denny to know he had been putting
the make on Nick. Denny didn’t want Nick to think he was having
a fling with Carter. And Nick didn’t know what to do with this
newly acquired information.

The three had stood uncomfortably as they moved toward the

counter of the concession stand to place their orders, talking about
the game and what a small world it was meeting someone you
knew among all these people. Denny kept trying to say things that
made his relationship with Carter seem totally platonic. Carter,
evidently realizing the guy he tried to get a date with was someone
Denny and Jesse knew, tiptoed around this knowledge and tried to
support Denny’s attempts at the red herring.

When Nick told Denny that Jesse was here, his panic seemed to

deepen. Denny forcefully refused Nick’s invitation to come and
say hi. He made some totally lame excuse.

Finally, as the pair started to make their way back to their seats,

Denny let Carter get a little ahead and said, “Look, I’d appreciate it
if you wouldn’t tell Jess you saw me. I mean, Carter and I are just
friends, not… Well, we’re just friends and you know how upset
Jesse can get. So…” He left the sentence hanging.

Nick just nodded and watched as Denny walked away, catching

up with Carter and disappearing into the crowd.

What were the chances of me meeting up with Denny and his

boyfriend?

Nick knew this could work to his advantage in his plan to

extricate Jesse from his relationship with this jerk, but how best to
do it? He couldn’t just say, “Oh, by the way, I just met your
cheatin’ partner and his sleazy fuck buddy.” Or could he? Nick
would have to think about it.

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Nick excused his way down the crowded row, making sure he

didn’t spill the drinks as he came back to their seats and Jesse.
When he reached him, Jesse turned to him with a big smile.

“I’m having the best time. Thanks for inviting me. This is just

what I needed.”

Nick returned the smile as they sat, passing Jesse’s share of the

refreshments he had procured.

“What took you so long? You missed the whole half-time

show,” Jesse said, diving into his hot dog.

Nick hesitated and thought better of saying, “Oh, you’ll never

guess who I just met.” Instead, he just said, “Long lines
and…interesting people.”

“Oh?” Jesse responded, looking quizzically at him.
Before the conversation could go any further, the crowd stood

and roared as the second half kick-off resulted in a spectacular
eighty-yard return for a touchdown by Michigan.

* * *

That evening, the men sat on the couch, the dogs between

them, a fire in the corner fireplace. Jesse was thoroughly enjoying
himself. As they sipped their glasses of wine, watching the evening
game on TV, he couldn’t imagine being more content. The only
negative was that Nick seemed to be a bit distracted.

At dinner in one of the Main Street restaurants, on two

occasions Nick had not heard Jesse’s comments. When Jesse had
asked if anything was wrong, Nick seemed to fumble with his
response. Jesse tried not to read too much into this. Now they were
back at home, he seemed more in tune with the conversation.

Jesse’s cell rang. He retrieved it from his pocket.

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“Hi, Denny,” Jesse said, looking across the dozing dogs at Nick

with a smile.

Nick seemed to take a deep breath.
“Uh…hi, babe,” Denny said, almost hesitantly Jesse thought.
“How’s Atlanta?” Jesse watched as Nick narrowed his brow.
“It’s…um…fine. How was the game? Did Michigan win?”
“Yeah, they did. But I didn’t mind. You would’ve loved it. It

was a rout.” Jesse laughed, watching Nick as he smiled slightly.

“Good, I’m glad you’re having a good time. Yeah, I would’ve

liked to see that.” Denny’s voice sounded less tentative. “I’ll be
home Monday, unless they decide to send me to Timbuktu.” He
laughed.

They went on to talk for a few minutes.
“Okay, see you Monday. Love you, too. ’Bye,” Jesse said.
He hung up and looked over at Nick again. “Denny said to say

hi.” He turned to watch the game when something crossed Jesse’s
mind. “Hey, I don’t remember telling Denny I was coming to Ann
Arbor. In fact, I know I didn’t. How would he know I’m here?”

Nick took a deep breath.
Jesse saw him frown. “What? You know something I don’t?”
Nick looked down and wrinkled his brow.
“What? Tell me,” Jesse said, confused.
“Denny’s not in Atlanta,” Nick said, raising his eyes to meet

Jesse’s.

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CHAPTER 12

Nick unpacked his bag. Clyde lay on the floor looking up at his

human. He thumped his tail as if trying to reassure him all would
be well. Nick ignored him, finishing his task. He came back from
returning his toiletries to the bathroom and sat on the bed,
shoulders slumped. Clyde belly-walked forward and laid his head
on Nick’s foot. Nick gave him a weak smile, then reached down
and pulled him up on the bed next to him. Clyde responded by
trying to lick Nick’s face. The man grunted a half laugh and lay
down on his side, pulling the hound against him.

“That didn’t quite turn out as we hoped, did it, old boy?” he

said, scratching Clyde behind the ears.

Clyde’s tail continued its attempt at reassurance.
Nick sighed. “Well, I didn’t want to lie to him. He’s had

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enough of that.” He continued as if Clyde could understand every
word. “When he asked me if I knew something, I had to tell him,
right?”

Clyde wiggled his response.
“I just don’t understand why he got mad at me.”
Nick hugged his canine companion tightly against him,

replaying the scene in his mind for the dozenth time.

“Denny’s not in Atlanta,” Nick had said.
“What do you mean? He told me he was going to Atlanta and

would be home next week,” Jesse had said looking at him with an
apprehensive expression.

Nick had sighed and moved closer to his friend. “Jesse,

Denny’s here in Ann Arbor.”

Jesse had moved away from Nick, faced him, eyes narrowed,

breathing hard. “He can’t be…he said he was in Atlanta…just
now…on the phone. Why would you say something like that?”

Nick had thought of reaching for Jesse’s hand, but thought

better of it. “Jesse, I saw him at the concession stand during
halftime.”

“You couldn’t have. He just called…he said he’s in Atlanta.

You must’ve been mistaken; just saw someone who looked like
him.”

“No, it was him, Jess. I talked to him.”
Jesse had shaken his head, as if trying to wake up or make

sense of what he was hearing. “Didn’t you tell him I was here?
Why didn’t he come back with you?” He’d looked directly at Nick.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Nick hadn’t known how to respond. He’d shrugged his

shoulders and opened his mouth in a silent, I’m sorry.

At that moment, a faraway look had crossed Jesse’s handsome

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face. His eyes began to glisten. Turning away from Nick, he’d said
slowly and softly, “He wasn’t alone was he?”

Nick had lowered his eyes. “No, he wasn’t.”
“I see,” Jesse had said. “Who was it?”
Nick had winced inwardly. He hadn’t wanted to inflict more

pain on the man he loved. He had seen he was already suffering.

“I asked you a question. Who was it?” He had turned back to

Nick, his voice steely and cold.

Nick had met his gaze. “I don’t know. Not someone I

recognized.”

“Did he have a name?”
“Jesse, don’t torture yourself. I—”
“I asked, did he have a name?” Jesse had pressed, frighteningly

calm.

“Denny said his name was Carter.”
“Carter? I don’t remember Denny saying anything about a

Carter from work. The only Carter he ever mentioned was his
financial planner.”

Nick had known Jesse was trying to rationalize the situation,

hoping there was some logical explanation.

“What did he look like?”
Nick had sighed. “He was older, distinguished looking—”
“Attractive?”
“Jesse, please.”
“Attractive?” Jesse had repeated, an edge in his voice.
“Yes, attractive. But, Jesse, Denny said he was just a friend.”
“Yes, just a friend.” A tear had rolled down Jesse’s cheek. “An

attractive, older friend, who none of us has met and one who
Denny didn’t want to introduce to me.”

Nick had wanted to reach out, take him in his arms, tell him he

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loved him and he was better off rid of that scum.

“When were you going to tell me about this friend? Or were

you? Whose side are you on?”

Nick had been taken by surprise. “Whose side am I— Yours, of

course. I just didn’t know how to do it. I—”

“I’m going to bed,” Jesse had abruptly announced. “Come on,

Shelby.”

Nick sighed deeply once more as he let the memory fade. They

had left Ann Arbor the next morning, earlier than they had
planned. The drive back to Chicago seemed to take forever. Jesse
hardly spoke at all. When they’d arrived home, he unloaded his
bag, thanked Nick politely, ignored his attempts to make things
right and went into his house.

“I just don’t understand,” Nick said again to Clyde, as he

reached out and turned off the light on the bed stand. “I just don’t
understand why he’s so upset with me.”

With those thoughts roaming his mind, he fell asleep.

* * *

“He should be home by now,” Denny said as he closed his cell

and put it on the bed stand. “Why isn’t he answering?”

“Come on, Denny,” Carter said, lying on his back, slowly

stroking his erection. “When you called him yesterday, he didn’t
know a thing. He thought you were in Atlanta, right?”

“I guess,” Denny replied dully, sitting on the edge of the bed in

his briefs. “But he didn’t answer when I called him tonight.”

Carter reached out and stroked his back. “That guy, Nick, you

trust him not to say anything, don’t you?”

Denny felt a shiver run down his spine. He wasn’t sure why he

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didn’t want Carter to touch him just then.

“I’m not sure. He likes Jesse. I know he’s not too fond of me.”
Carter moved closer, sat up and started to nibble on Denny’s

shoulder. He snaked one arm around him and ran it through the
hair on his chest, teasing a nipple to life.

Denny sighed and leaned back into the stimulation, his

reservations lessening.

“You were going to tell him about us anyway.” Carter

alternated each word with a soft kiss on Denny’s flesh.

When Denny didn’t respond immediately, Carter stopped his

ministrations. “You were gonna tell him?”

“Yeah, yeah I was, but—”
“But?” The older man said somewhat sharply.
“But I don’t want him to find out this way. I care enough about

him to do it… Well…gently. Fuck! Who woulda thought he’d be
here in Ann Arbor and we’d run into Nick at a game with over a
hundred thousand people. I wonder why he didn’t tell me he was
going to go to the game.”

Denny felt Carter stiffen slightly, then relax. “Maybe this is a

sign.”

“A sign?”
“Yeah, a close call like this…maybe it’s a sign you should tell

him.”

“I guess,” Denny said again, sadly.
“Hey, you’re not changing your mind, are you?”
“No.”
Carter forcefully turned him around and pulled him down on

the bed next to him. “Let me give you a reason to do it sooner
rather than later then.”

He took Denny in his arms and kissed him. Denny forgot why

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144

he had resisted giving into his feelings of arousal and returned the
kiss.

* * *

Jesse sat on the couch. He held the picture of Denny and him in

both hands, his elbows on his knees. Shelby was curled up next to
him, her head on his lap. He didn’t bother to correct her for being
on the furniture. After staring at the two smiling faces, he laid the
photo facedown on the cushion, leaned back against the sofa and
stroked Shelby’s soft head.

“I’m a gullible fool, Shelby, a class-A gullible fool.”
She raised her head and looked at him with her sad hound eyes.

Then she licked his hand.

“No, I am, Shel. I shoulda seen this coming. Shit, I shoulda

known before it all started. That’s the kind of guy he is. He picked
me up on a flight, for God’s sake. He was so smooth I coulda
guessed he was no novice, that he’d probably done it a hundred
times before.”

Shelby laid her head back down on his knee with a deep sigh.
Jesse closed his eyes. Visions of his two years with Denny

moved across his mind: the cruise to Acapulco; the day they
moved into the townhouse; bringing Shelby home; the nights and
days of passion and gentle affection.

Denny, why? Why wasn’t I enough for you? What did I do

wrong?

A solitary tear rolled down his cheek.
The phone rang. Jesse sat up and checked the caller ID. It was

Denny.

“I’m not gonna listen to any more of your lies, Mr.

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145

Christopoulos! Not tonight anyway.”

He let it go to voicemail, but Denny didn’t leave a message.

Jesse was just as glad. He didn’t want to hear from him.

Wearily getting up from the couch, he walked to the hall, put

on his jacket and took Shelby’s leash from the hook. She was there
in an instant, sitting before him, tail wagging, impatient to be on
her way. They stepped out into the cool night air. They walked
down the street past Mrs. Kloswick’s condo and then Nick’s. The
lights were still on. For a moment Jesse considered knocking on
the door and inviting Nick and Clyde to join the walk. Shelby
seemed to sense his thought and stopped, looking from Jesse to the
door. Then the lights went out.

Jesse sighed and said, “Come on, Shel.” They walked off to the

dog park.

As he sat watching Shelby trot about the deserted enclosure,

sniffing here and there, he pondered his reaction to Nick’s lack of
disclosure of his meeting with Denny and, he thought
derisively…Carter. He didn’t quite understand why he was angry
with Nick. No, he wasn’t angry…why he was upset with Nick for
not telling him immediately, for waiting until Jesse himself figured
it out. Nick wouldn’t protect Denny. He was pretty sure Nick
didn’t like Denny. And if he allowed himself to think it, he was
also pretty sure if there were no Denny in the picture, Nick would
be something more than a neighbor by this time.

So why am I feeling this way? Then it dawned on him. He

understood; he was disappointed, not angry or upset. Disappointed
Nick hadn’t rushed to his defense, hadn’t ridden in with guns
blazing to rescue him from the evil villain, declaring his love for
Jesse, telling him how much better off he would be with him rather
than Denny.

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146

Jesse sat up, staring unseeing at the stars. “Oh, my God, I’m in

love with him.”

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147

CHAPTER 13

The phone was ringing when Nick came in the front door

Monday after school. He nearly tripped over an enthusiastic Clyde,
who had come to greet him, as he raced to answer it.

Jesse? It wasn’t Jesse. The caller ID read U. Kloswick . Nick

raised his eyebrows, sighed and picked up the receiver.

“Hello, Mrs. K.,” he said tentatively.
“Hi,” answered a cheery voice.
“Angela?” he asked, relieved it wasn’t his neighbor. He walked

to the couch, sat down and pulled Clyde up beside him. The hound
sighed deeply and snuggled against his side.

“Yes, it’s me,” she said laughing. “Would you rather talk with

my aunt?”

“God, no!” He joined her laugh. “No offense to the dear lady,

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148

but…”

“I understand.” After a brief pause, she asked, “So you and

Jesse went off together this weekend. I take it this means the
rescue mission is under way?”

“How did you know we—” He stopped, shook his head slowly

and continued. “Should’ve known. Nothing gets past your auntie.”

They laughed again. Then Angela said, “Well, details, details.

How did it go?”

“It didn’t.” Nick sighed.
“Oh?” his friend replied, sounding disappointed. “What

happened?”

“Denny happened. Can you believe he showed up in Ann

Arbor?”

“You’re kidding me!” Angela exclaimed. “I’m at Aunt

Ursula’s. I’m coming right over and you can tell me all about it.”

A while later they were sitting at the kitchen table sipping

coffee as Nick gave details of the weekend.

“When I figured out that this guy, Carter, was with Denny, I

didn’t know what to do,” Nick was relating. “I decided not to tell
Jesse until just the right moment because I didn’t want it to seem
like I was trying to break them up.”

Angela looked thoughtful.
“Then, when Jess figured it out from Denny’s slip about Ann

Arbor when he was supposed to be in Atlanta, Jesse got mad at me.
Like I was betraying him or something. I don’t understand. I just
didn’t want to come off like a home wrecker.” He stopped and
looked at Angela hopefully. “Well, Nancy Drew,” he said with a
smile, “what do you think?”

She smiled. Once again, Nick thought of how pretty she was,

and how some lucky guy was going to find himself a real gem in

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this woman.

“I don’t think Jesse was angry with you.”
“He sure sounded like he was,” Nick offered.
“He didn’t yell or call you names or anything like that, right?”
“No, he was just kinda cold, distant.”
“He’d just found out his lover was cheating on him. Seems to

me that those reactions are pretty par for the course in this
situation.”

Nick considered this for a minute, then said, “But he made me

feel like…I don’t know…like…I’d failed him in some way.”

Nick stared into his half-empty coffee cup. Then he said,

almost to himself, “I just sat there, and when he accused me of
being on Denny’s side…I…I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to
reach out, take him in my arms, tell him I loved him and he’s better
off rid of that scum.”

“But you didn’t,” Angela said in a soft, comforting voice.
Nick looked up, feeling suddenly very sad. “No, I didn’t.

Should I have?”

“I think he wanted you to.”
“How do you know that?” Nick asked, confused.
Angela chuckled softly. “I guess your gaydar doesn’t extend to

lovedar.”

“What do you mean?” Nick continued, still not understanding.
“Look, remember the night of Aunt Ursula’s dinner party when

I told you I thought Jesse had feelings for you?”

“Yes,” Nick said, thinking of the thrill that had gone through

his heart when she’d suggested the possibility.

“Well, you also remember I didn’t think he was aware you

loved him. If I’m reading this right from your description of his
behavior when he found out Denny was cheating, he was hoping

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150

you’d do or say something to let him know you cared, cared in a
way that meant more than mere friendship.”

Nick shook his head and sighed. “I guess I missed that for

sure.”

Angela continued, “When you didn’t, he was probably

discouraged. Since he was already upset with the news he had just
received, he reacted the way he did.”

“What should I do?” Nick asked, looking directly at his guest.
“Call him. See how he’s doing. And when you have the chance,

let him know how you feel.”

Nick reached out, took Angela’s hand and squeezed it. “You

should add Dear Abby to your resume, Ms. Drew.”

They both laughed.

* * *

Jesse was kind of at loose ends. He’d gone to work on Monday

expecting Denny to be home when he got there that evening. He’d
rehearsed exactly what he was going to say, so when he got home
and found no one there but Shelby, he felt let down. He had built
up a good head of steam, and now he had all this anticipatory
adrenalin flowing through his body and no outlet. He took Shelby
for a walk to work some of it off, figuring Denny would be there
when he got back.

He wasn’t.
After taking Shelby off her leash, Jesse checked the phone for

voice messages. There were none. He was tempted to call Denny
and find out where he was, but that was what he would have done
before… Before what? Before they broke up? Not knowing what
else to do, Jesse made himself some dinner: a can of chili and a

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pre-made salad. He cleaned up the dishes and sat on the couch.

Jesse felt drained. He no longer had the pent-up, aggressive

energy he’d had when he thought he was going to have his
confrontation with Denny.

Damn him! Not only had Denny humiliated him by being

caught with his “boyfriend,” but he now made Jesse feel foolish for
coming home ready to do battle, only to find an empty house. He
felt like Don Quixote.

“Where are you?” Jesse asked, lying back on the sofa and

staring at the ceiling. “I just want to get this over with.”

The combination of the sudden drop in his emotional state, plus

dinner, worked to make him drowsy, and the next thing he knew
Jesse half felt someone kneel down beside him on the couch. Lips
brushed his cheek.

“Mmm,” he mumbled. Nick, he thought. Then he opened his

eyes.

“Hi, sweetheart.”
“Denny!”
Jesse sat up. Denny leaned back, got up and sat next to him

wearing his most charming smile.

The combination of being in a deep sleep and the twinge of

guilt he felt having happily dreamed Nick was the one who had
awakened him threw Jesse off balance. His first reaction was to
make sure Denny didn’t suspect what he was feeling for Nick.

Jesse blinked, shuddered, and without thinking, asked, “How

was Atlanta?”

“It was all right,” Denny replied, his smile deepening. “How

was your weekend?”

By now, Jesse had reoriented to the situation. He stood up,

turned and faced Denny, who remained seated on the couch.

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“Liar!” Jesse spat at him. “You weren’t in Atlanta. You were in

Ann Arbor!”

Denny’s smile faded. He sighed through his nose, his lips

pressed together.

“He told you, didn’t he?” It was more a statement than a

question.

“Yes,” Jesse said, still standing over him. “Did you expect him

not to? He’s my friend, you know?”

Denny rose and tried to put his arms around Jesse, who pulled

away.

“If he was such a good buddy, he’d have…should have told

you Carter is just a friend.”

“That is what he told me. You told me Carter was your

financial planner. It doesn’t take a lot of brains to figure out if this
Carter was just a friend or just your financial planner, you’d have
been willing to have me meet him. You’d have told me beforehand
you were going to Ann Arbor.”

“Yeah, like you told me you and Nicky boy were running off

for a tryst at the Big House!” Denny said, his voice rising.

Jesse held his ground. “I tried to tell you. I called your cell and

left a message for you to call me and let me know if you were
coming home. You texted back that you were busy and I should
have a good time.”

“What? I never got a call. I never texted you.”
Jesse walked to the hall closet. He got his cell phone from his

coat pocket and pulled up his messages. “Here, read it for
yourself.”

Denny took the phone and began to read the text softly aloud.

His voice trailed off. He looked as if he were trying to recall
something. Then he said, “Carter, that bastard!”

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153

* * *

Denny sat, his head in his hands. He’d been caught. What

should he do? Should he confess he had feelings for Carter and
take this opportunity to follow through on his urge to tell Jesse
everything and make a clean break? The idea gave him a jolt.
Suddenly he wasn’t sure. Jesse was a great guy. Was he ready to
break it off with him and start over? He twisted the anniversary
ring he had received from Jesse.

He looked up at his boyfriend, who still stood over him.

“Jess…I…Carter is…just a guy I…I picked up,” he found himself
saying. “I know it was wrong, but…I…well…I was weak and
lonely and…it was just that one time.”

“Stuff it, Dennis!” Jesse said coldly. “I don’t believe you. After

Nick told me, I started thinking of all the extra flight time, our
anniversary when you were ‘confused’ about which city you were
in, the phone calls you tried to hide and the day you came home
from work without wearing a uniform and said Delta was issuing
new ones and yours didn’t fit. This has been going on for a long
time. If this Carter was a one-time thing, then there were others as
well.”

Denny slumped, his head bowed. Being discovered hurt. He

felt embarrassed. He should have come clean with Jesse long ago.

“No, there weren’t others, just Carter. At first it was just for

sex, but it became more. I guess I fell in love with him…if you can
believe that,” he said, looking up into Jesse’s face.

He bit his lip and looked down when he saw how his words had

affected Jesse, who looked as if he had been slapped.

Jesse took a deep breath and sat down next to him, half-turning

to face him.

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154

Encouraged, Denny continued, “Well, I know I should’ve told

you, but I wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to mess up what we had if
things didn’t—” He realized at once this was the wrong tack to
take.

“I see,” Jesse said, looking defeated. “In other words, I was

good enough until something better came along.”

“Shit, no…I mean…I just…I—”
“Well, have you decided? Do I measure up to Carter? Am I

worth hanging on to? That is until someone else comes along and
catches your fancy?”

Denny didn’t know where to go with this. In reality he wasn’t

sure what he wanted. He had had deep feelings for Jesse. He
wasn’t sure they were love in light of how he felt for Carter. In the
end, Jesse made the choice for him.

Jesse took his right hand in his. “You remember what I said the

night I gave you this ring?” He took hold of the ring with his
thumb and index finger, and twisted it on Denny’s hand.

Denny nodded, looking down at the ring. “You said they were

promise rings, friendship rings.”

“And,” Jesse went on, “I said we’d wear them on our right

hands until you were ready and then we’d switch them to our left.”

Denny looked up at Jesse. He thought for a moment he might

cry, but he gritted his teeth and beat down the emotion.

Jesse slipped the ring off Denny’s finger. “You’re not ready

now, and I doubt you ever will be,” he said with a weak smile.

He took the ring off his own finger and held both rings in the

palm of his hand for a second or two before closing his hand
around them.

“You’re free, Dennis,” he said with finality.
Denny didn’t say anything for a time. When he finally spoke,

SECOND THOUGHTS

155

his voice was a whisper. “Maybe there’s a chance—”

Jesse pressed a finger against Denny’s lips to silence him.

“Don’t go there. We want different things out of a relationship,” he
said. “I’m a one-man guy. I don’t think you could ever be that.”

“I guess maybe you’re right,” Denny said, resigning himself to

the reality of the situation. “What do you want me to do?”

“You can stay until you find a place of your own,” Jesse said.

“Or until you and Carter find a place.”

Jesse got up and walked away. Shelby followed him, stopping

for a second to look back at Denny.

That night Denny slept on the couch. Shelby slept in his space

on the bed.

* * *

Nick sat slumped on the couch, his feet propped on the coffee

table, staring blankly at the evening news on the television. Clyde
was curled up next to him and was snoring loudly. Nick idly
scratched his velvety ears.

Nice that one of us is so relaxed.
Nick’s mind was on the condo two doors down. He had

decided to take Angela’s advice and see how Jesse was doing.
However, he had further decided to do it in person rather than on
the phone. So, he had walked out of his house and turned toward
Jesse’s. At that precise moment, a cab had pulled up and Denny
got out and, without looking in his direction, strode up the walk
and into the building. Nick had turned and walked back to his
place, got Clyde and headed to the dog park.

The same thoughts he’d had as Clyde romped in the park now

played over and over in his mind.

SECOND THOUGHTS

156

Would Jesse break it off with Denny?
Would Denny sweet talk his way out of this? He’s a sneaky,

clever S.O.B.

God, I hope Jesse throws him out!
What if he doesn’t? What if he gives in? What should I do

then? Angela says he has feelings for me.

Shit, I hate this!
What if he does end it? What’ll I do then? Should I just go and

say by the way, Don’t sweat it, I’m here. I love you. Always have.

Or should I wait? God, I don’t know what to do.
I wish I knew what was going on over there!
These thoughts swirled until he finally drifted off to sleep right

there on the couch.

An hour later, Nick got up and went to bed, where he tossed

and turned restlessly until Clyde abandoned him for calmer waters.

* * *

Jesse looked at the clock—1:00 A.M. He sighed and pulled

Shelby closer. He was lying on his side with the pooch snuggled
against his chest, her head next to his on the pillow. He wondered
why he wasn’t more upset, why there were no tears. What he felt
was something akin to relief.

Sighing again, he snuggled against Shelby. He smiled. Denny

was sleeping on the couch and Shel was on the forbidden bed.

Serves him right.
His thoughts then turned to Nick and his recent realization of

his feelings for him. Was that the reason why he felt the way he
did about the events of earlier?

God, Denny isn’t even out of the house and I’m thinking of

SECOND THOUGHTS

157

another guy. Am I just as shallow as he is?

Not sure where to go with that, he let his mind drift over the

past few months since he had met Nick. It was apparent these
feelings had started almost the moment they had first met. Nick
was attractive, intelligent and in almost every way the antithesis of
Denny.

Stop it! He almost said out loud. Nick hasn’t given you any

reason to think he feels anything for you but friendship.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Denny walking

to the half bath in the hallway and closing the door.

Can’t sleep either? Good. You should be stewing a little.
Somehow comforted by that fact, Jesse hugged Shelby and fell

asleep.

* * *

Denny finished in the bathroom and started to return to the

couch. He stopped at the door to the bedroom and listened. Not
hearing anything, he went to the living room and sat with his head
in his hands.

No one to blame but yourself.
He mulled over the past couple of years. Even before meeting

Carter, he’d been questioning his decision to be in an exclusive
relationship. That hadn’t been his style. Jesse was a really nice
guy, though: good-looking, sexy, fun to be with. So he figured,
What the hell? and decided to give it a try.

Turned out to not be for me, though, didn’t it?
That brought Carter to mind. What were his feelings toward

Carter? He knew this relationship had shown him older men were a
turn-on for him. And that he was not as much a top as he had

SECOND THOUGHTS

158

believed. He had told Jesse earlier in the evening he thought he
was in love with Carter. But was he? Was he ready to go from one
relationship to another? And then there was the fact he had been
Carter’s first sojourn into the realm of gay sex.

Feeling confused, Denny got up, slipped on his jacket and

shoes, and picked up his cell. Quietly sliding the patio door open,
he stepped out into the chill night air. He shuddered. Calculating
the time difference between Chicago and L.A. where he knew
Carter was headed, he decided he could give him a call.

Carter’s cell rang several times. Denny thought it was going to

go to voicemail when finally Carter answered. “Hello.”

He sounded out of breath. Was that a giggle he heard in the

background?

“Hi, Carter. It’s me…Denny.”
Denny thought he heard Carter cover the phone and say

something, but chose to ignore it.

“It’s over between Jesse and me. We ended it tonight.”
There was no response.
“Carter, are you there?”
Once again he thought he heard someone talking in the

background.

“Carter?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“Is someone with you?” Denny asked, suddenly suspicious.
“Uh…no…just the TV. I’ll turn it off.”
There was a brief pause.
“Back,” said the voice at the other end.
“Did you hear what I said? Jesse and I are over.”
“Okay.”
“Okay? Isn’t that what you told me it was time to do? I

SECOND THOUGHTS

159

expected you to be more excited,” Denny said, suddenly feeling
frustrated and very tired.

“Yeah…I think it’s great.” Denny still didn’t note any

enthusiasm in Carter’s voice.

“Where should I meet you?” Denny asked. “Jesse kinda wants

me outta here. I can store my stuff here in Chicago and catch a
flight to L.A. We can decide what to do then. Is that all right with
you?”

“Ah…give me a day or two to wrap things up here. I’ll get

back to you.”

“Carter, what the fuck is going on? What do you mean a day or

two? We never had any trouble hooking up wherever you were!”
Denny was getting angry.

“Easy there, stud.” Carter laughed. “Don’t get your nuts all

bunched. I just need to work a few things out and then we can
talk.”

“What things? I don’t understand,” Denny said.
“Look, you get some rest. I’ll call you. ’Bye for now.” Carter

hung up before Denny could say anything.

Denny slumped down on the nearest chair, his mouth hanging

open. The cell buzzed the disconnect signal. A voice said, “If you
would like to make a call, hang up and try the number again.”

He angrily punched the off button.
“Shit!” He shouted into the darkness.
Somewhere a dog barked.

SECOND THOUGHTS

160

CHAPTER 14

Nick looked through the peephole in his front door, but no one

there. He was sure he had heard a knock. Clyde was at the door
with him, tail wagging furiously, so he was pretty sure he hadn’t
imagined it. But Clyde hadn’t barked. Nick opened the door and
there on the stoop sat Shelby.

“Shelby?” Nick said in surprise, looking up and down the street

for Jesse. “What’re you doing here?”

Clyde pushed past him and greeted his friend nose to nose.
Shelby stood and returned the greeting. When she did, Nick

noticed a note attached to her collar. He bent down, gave her a
welcoming scratch and removed it.

Can Clyde come out and play? I haven’t seen him in a long

time and I miss him.

SECOND THOUGHTS

161

Love, Shelby
PS You can come, too…if you want.
There was a smiley face at the end.
Nick smiled as well and looked up from the paper. As he did,

Jesse poked his head out from behind the forsythia bush that stood
between Nick’s condo and Mrs. Kloswick’s. He had a hopeful grin
on his face.

Nick felt a slight shudder run through his body. He hadn’t seen

or spoken to Jesse in the week since their return to Chicago. He’d
been reluctant to act on Angela’s advice to call him and let him
know how he felt about him.

Jesse walked up to him. “Well, can Clyde come to the dog park

with Shelby?” he asked still smiling.

Nick took a deep breath, “Sure.”
“You, too?” Jesse’s question had a hopeful tone to it.
“Of course.” Nick felt excitement growing inside him. “Let me

get his leash and my jacket.”

The two men and their dogs walked side by side to the park.

They made small talk about the colorful foliage, the crisp October
day and how things were going for Nick at school. Everything—
Nick thought—except what was number one on his mind, and he
hoped on Jesse’s as well.

When they got to the park, it was crowded with dogs and their

owners. The beautiful fall weather had brought them out in droves
it seemed. Clyde and Shelby were released to join their buds
romping in the wood shavings. Nick started to head for a bench
where a young couple was sitting.

“No,” Jesse said, placing his hand lightly on Nick’s shoulder.

“Over here.” He pointed to an unoccupied bench just beyond the
play yard fence.

SECOND THOUGHTS

162

“But we’re supposed to stay in the yard with the dogs…” Nick

let his voice trail off.

“I don’t think we’ll get arrested,” Jesse said with a laugh.

“Come on and live dangerously.”

Nick followed him to the vacant bench under a maple that was

resplendent with fall color.

As they sat side by side watching the goings on inside the

fence, an occasional crimson, red or orange leaf would drift by.

After a minute or two, Jesse took a deep breath. “Denny’s

moved out.”

Nick turned to look at him. Jesse kept his face forward

watching the dogs.

“Yeah, I heard.”
Jesse turned to face him with a raised, questioning eyebrow.
“Mrs. K.”
Jesse laughed softly. Nick smiled, repressing the urge to

anticipate where this conversation would go.

“I should’ve guessed.” Jesse chuckled.
“Where’d he go?” Nick wished he hadn’t asked as Jesse

immediately frowned and looked back at the dogs.

In a flat, measured response, Jesse said, “I don’t know.”
They sat in silence for a time.
“I confronted him about Carter.”
Nick bit his lower lip and nodded.
“At first, he tried to pass it off as nothing I should worry about,

but—” Jesse stopped as if trying not to get upset. “But,” he
continued, “for once I didn’t let him charm his way out of it. I told
him it was over, took off his ring and told him to leave. When I
came home from work Wednesday, he and his stuff were gone—
no note, nothing.”

SECOND THOUGHTS

163

Nick glanced down at Jesse’s hand and noted his finger was

bare.

Nick wasn’t sure what to say. Feeling he should say something,

he chose, “I’m sorry,” rather than the Alleluia he was thinking.

“Don’t be. I’m not!” Jesse said, then backed down. “No, that’s

not true. I am sorry. I loved him and…I thought he loved me. But
we were never right for one another. I can see that now. Two
different expectations. It never would’ve worked for us long-term.”

Once more, they sat in the warming air with the leaves softly

falling, watching their canine companions play chase and tussle
with a bulldog and dachshund.

“Angela called me,” Jesse said, his voice taking on a tone of

someone who knew a secret.

Nick turned to look at him. “Oh?”
“Yeah. She sounded surprised when I said I hadn’t heard from

you.”

Nick squirmed inside. He had been meaning to call, to follow

Angela’s advice.

“She said you had something to tell me.”
Once again, Nick sensed Jesse already knew.
“Jesse, I was gonna call. Angela said I should. I don’t know

why I didn’t…I…I…”

Jesse came to his rescue and put his hand on Nick’s leg. It felt

warm through the fabric of his Dockers.

“It’s okay. She and I had a nice talk. She’s quite perceptive,

isn’t she?”

“Yes, she is,” Nick agreed. “Kind of a Nancy Drew and—”
“Dear Abby,” Jesse finished the sentence.
“Yeah, that’s what I called her,” Nick said with a laugh.
“She told me,” Jesse said. “Right after I called her that myself.”

SECOND THOUGHTS

164

They laughed again.
“Mind if I ask what she had to say?” Nick queried.
Jesse’s smile deepened. His hand was still on Nick’s leg. He

gave him a squeeze. “Let’s just let that come up when the time is
right,” Jesse said warmly. “What’re you doin’ tonight?”

“No plans,” Nick replied.
“Well, how about I take you out for dinner at the Italian

Village? Ever been there?”

“No, but I thought you were into Greek cuisine,” Nick winked.
“Pleeeeeease,” Jesse said with a chuckle. “I think I’ve had my

fill of Greek for a long time.”

Nick laughed with him.
“After, maybe we can catch a movie at the Navy Pier Imax,”

Jesse continued.

“Wow, that’s a pretty full and expensive evening. Almost

sounds like a date to me.”

“That’s exactly what it is, Nick—our first official date.”
Jesse moved his hand from Nick’s thigh to the back of his neck

and applied light pressure.

Nick smiled and placed his hand on Jesse’s forearm.
“I accept,” he said. “Thanks.”
“Great. Who knows where that first date might lead,” said Jesse

as he rose and pulled Nick to his feet.

Together they walked back into the play yard to watch Clyde

and Shelby.

SECOND THOUGHTS

165

EPILOGUE

“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Delta Flight thirty-five-

seventy-five connection from Air Canada nine hundred from
Toronto. Our flight time from Detroit to Chicago will be one hour
and eighteen minutes.”

Jesse and Nick listened to the rest of the instructions from the

flight attendant as the plane rolled down the tarmac to the runway
preparing for takeoff. From behind, Nick could hear the other
attendants making their way up the aisle, ensuring sure all belts
were fastened, seats were in the upright position and all belongings
were stowed properly.

“Please make sure your seatbelts are— Well, I’ll be,” came a

deep, familiar voice.

Nick looked up as Jesse said, “Hi, Denny,” with a smile. “I was

SECOND THOUGHTS

166

wondering if we might run into you on this flight.”

“How have you been?” asked Nick.
“Yes, Denny, how’re you doing?” Jesse added. “We haven’t

heard from you in over a year.”

“Oh, all right,” Denny replied, looking a bit uncomfortable.

“So, you guys just getting back from Toronto?”

“Yeah,” the men replied in unison, looking at each other and

smiling.

“Business or—” Denny stopped, looked from Jesse to Nick,

smiled, sighed and said, “Oh, I see. Congratulations. I know you
guys will be very happy. Well, excuse me, but there’s a gentleman
in Four-F who looks like he might want me…ah…I mean, want
my help. Nice runnin’ into you.” He smiled, winked and left.

Nick put his left hand next to Jesse’s. Pointing to the gold

rings, he said, “He musta seen these.”

Then noticing how Jesse watched Denny as he made his way

up the aisle, he paused, took Jesse’s hand in his and asked,
“Having second thoughts?”

Jesse turned to him, smiled and tightened his grip on his

husband’s hand.

“No,” Jesse responded looking into Nick’s eyes as the jet

picked up speed along the runway and headed for home. “No
second thoughts.”

ERRY

O’R

EILLY

Terry O’Reilly, a retired schoolteacher, lives in the Midwest. He
began writing after retirement upon the encouragement of a friend.
He has published several e-books and now embarks on a career
with Amber Quill. When he is not writing, he takes care of his
three dogs, works with animal rescue and successfully shows his
American Quarter Horse.

To find out more about Terry and his writing, visit his website at:

http://www.terry-oreilly.com

* * *

Don’t miss The Search For Soaring Hawk

by Terry O’Reilly,

available at AmberAllure.com!

Son of an Indian brave and a white captive, Soaring Hawk is
raised in the native customs. As he grows into manhood, he
discovers his desire for the love of men. Knowing the fate of those
that are of “two spirits” within his tribe, he leaves the Indian
village, disguises his heritage and enters the white man’s world as
Samuel Hawkins. He soon discovers that life here is difficult for a
man who prefers men to women. While he finds companionship,
and forms bonds with, many of the men he meets, he is unable to

find a relationship that satisfies his deepest need. He also
discovers that much of what is in the world outside his village
conflicts with the values of his native upbringing.

Sam embarks on an odyssey that takes him across the continent
and into the arms and the beds of many lovers. As he travels, he
comes to realize that love has many forms. But the one he seeks
most continually eludes him. The only constant in his life is his
faithful half-breed wolf-dog.

Where will Sam’s odyssey lead him, and will he ever come to the
end of his search for Soaring Hawk?

MBER

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, LLC

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