ONENIGHT

TIAWILSON

Contents

OneNight

byTiaWilson

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FirstPublished:January2017

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Manykindsofpersonssailacrossthesea.[Eyrbyggja]

-Margirerumarlíðendr.”

IcelandicProverb

ChapterOne

My stomach lurched as the plane dipped again. Fasten your seatbelt signs popped on and the stewards

rushed along the aisles collecting drinks and popping trays back into place. I gripped the armrest and

looked out at the swirling snow whipping past the window. Every time the plane dipped or lurched

peopleletoutgaspsandmoans.

Theplaneridesmoothedoutandthepeoplearoundmesighed.Thewomansittingbesidemehadmodel

good looks and the icy blues eyes that I had seen several Icelandic people with since I first landed in

Reykjavik.Shenudgedmeandsaid,“Thispartoftheflightisalwaysalittlebumpy.Oncewegetacross

themountainsitshouldsmoothout.”

I was thankful for her small gesture and if I was being honest with myself I was feeling alone and

disconnectedeversinceIlandedinIcelandyesterday.Iwasheadingnorthtothethesecondlargestcityin

Iceland called Akureyri. Once the plane landed it was a short drive to my hotel and the thought of

collapsingontoasofteiderdownduvetwasappealing.InthemorningIwouldbegoingtotheuniversity

todemoapieceofsoftwareIhadhelpeddesign.AfterthatIhadafewdaysoffandthenitwasbackto

Reykjavikforacoupleofhecticdaysofmeetingsanddemos.Iwaslookingforwardtoburyingmyselfin

thework,Iwasgladforachancetodistractmyselffromtheheartacheofarecentbreakup.

“I’m not a great flyer. This is the smallest plane I’ve flown in and I think its making me even more

nervous,” I replied. What is it about being trapped in a metal tube with a bunch of strangers that will

sometimesmakeusopenuptoeachother.IfonlyitwasmorelikethatineverydaylifeIthought.

“Don't worry. Icelandic pilots are excellent. They have to fly in worse conditions than this,” she said

smiling.“WhatbringsyoutoIceland?”

“I’mheretodemoapieceofeductionsoftwaretoacoupleofuniversitiesaroundthecountry.Ihelped

design it and have been invited to Akureyri university to demo it,” I said and waited for the usual

reaction.

“Veryimpressive,”thewomansaid.Ihadseentherangeofreactionsinwomenswingfrompraiseformy

accomplishmentstosuspicionthatImightofsleptmywayintotherole.Mencanbecruelaboutmylineof

work, but I have found that women outside of the business could be even worse a lot of the time. The

womanbesidemeseemedgenuinelyimpressed.“Aretheremanywomeninyourfield?”

“Afew.Itincreaseseveryyear,”Isaid,glossingoverthefactthatwomenwereararebreedinsoftware

designandanafricanamericanprogrammerwasasrareasaunicorn.“I’mSasha,”Isaidandreachedout

myhandtoher.

“I’mGunna.Nicetomeetyou.”

“Whatisityoudo?”Iask.JudgingbyherstunninglooksIwouldn'tbesurprisedifshewasamodeloran

actress.

“Iworkintheharbour.Icheckboatsintothedockandsquareawayallthepaperwork.Thattakesupmy

mornings.IntheafternoonsIhelpweightheboatscatchesfortheday.Iloveit,itsamixofsittinginthe

officeforhalfthedayandtheotherIgettospendoutdoors.”

“Ithoughtyouwereamodel,”Iblurtoutandthensmileselfconsciouslyather.

“I wish. I’m just a regular Icelandic country girl. Thanks for the compliment. You are very beautiful

yourself,” she said smiling and then bent in to whisper in my ear, “the men here would go crazy for a

womanasattractiveasyou.”I’mnotgoingtolie,thecomplimentfromGunnafeltgood.

“I don’t know,” I said looking away from Gunna, “I’m only out of a relationship and I don’t think I’m

readytoputmyselfoutthereagain.”

Gunnasqueezedmyarmandbentintowardsmeandwhispered,“WehaveasayinghereinIceland.”She

proceededto say acouple of wordsin her lilting Icelandicaccent. Even thoughI couldn't understand a

wordshehadsaidithadsoundedpoeticandbeautiful.

“Whatdoesitmean?”Iasked,eagertohearalyricalpieceofIcelandicfolkwisdom.

“Fuckthepainaway,”shesaidwithabroadgrinandasparkleinhericyblueeyes.

IlaughedandwasalreadystartingtoreallylikeGunna.“Thatsonewaytodealwithit,”Isaidwithagrin.

“Itstheonlyway.Thewintersarelonganddarkhere.Theycanbetoughtogetthroughanddoublytoughif

somejerkhasstampedyourheartintothesnow.ThatshowweIcelandersdealwithit,otherwisewinters

wouldbehell.Whatdoyouplantodotonight?”

Ihadplannedtogetstraightintobedandwatchamovieonmylaptop.Ididn'twanttosoundlikeatotal

squaresosaid,“Ihavenoplans.”

“Youshouldcomeoutwithmeandmyfriends.Icanshowyouaroundtownandintroduceyoutoafew

guys.ThemenofAkureyriare,”andshekissedthetipsofherfingerslikeachefcomplimentingameal.

Gunna seemed at total ease with her good looks but I didn’t get the vibe that she thought she was any

betterthanme.Ihadseenthatalltoomanytimesinstrikingwomen,theyexpectedthingstobehandedto

them. Gunna seemed down to earth and level headed. I had seen a large amount of tall blondes with

perfect skin and dazzling smiles since I arrived in Iceland so maybe Gunna thought she was nothing

special.LatelyIhadbeenfeelinganythingbutbeautifulandIfeltmyinsidesclenchwhenIthoughtbackto

mybreakupalittleoveramonthago.Myheartwasstillhurtingfromitandmyconfidencehadtakena

majorknock.Evenasachildyouarethoughtthepowerofwordsandhowhurtfultheycanbe.Asanadult

IsometimesthoughtIhadbuiltupafairlythickskintothebarbsthatsomemenhadthrownatmeover

theyyears.I’dhadboyfriendsthinktheywerebeingsubtlewhentheyhintedthatmyassmightbealittle

toobigandmaybeweshouldsignuptoagymtogether.I’dhadothermenlovemycurvesbutdropsome

hints about another perceived flaw that I had. Working in tech and surrounded by men all day had

inoculatedmefrommostofthedumbthingsmencansometimesblurtout.EvensoIwasn'treadywhenI

hadmylastfightwithCraig.

I should of seen it coming before everything came to a horrible end. The day of the breakup had been

goingok.IhadbeenwithCraigfornearlysixmonthsandIhadfoolishlythoughtthateverythingwasgoing

good between us. He worked in a company that provided part of the computer code that our eduction

applicationused.Hehadcaughtmyeyewhenhefirstcameintoouroffice,notbecausehewasoneofthe

rareafricanamericansinthetechindustry,itwasbecauseofhowfinehelooked.Ilovedtheguysonmy

team,butmostofthemtendedtomakelittleeffortintheirappearance.T-shirtsandflip-flopswerekingin

ourofficeandIwasonboardwiththat.WhenCraigwalkedinwearingabespokesuitIcouldn'ttakemy

eyesoffhimashestrodeacrosstheofficeandheadedtowardsourmeetingroom.

Natesatbesidemeinouropenplanofficeandheflickedarubberbandatmyhead.“Doyouknowhim?”

heaskedwithabigsmile.

Natehadcaughtmestaring.“Becausehe'sblack?”Isaidandshothimafauxangrylook.

“No.Becauseyourtonguewaspracticallyhangingoutofyourmouth,”hesaid.

Nateraisedhishandintheairandshouted,“HeyCraig.”

Craigturnedaroundandbeamedinourdirection.Andoh.My.God.Heiscomingovertomydesk.My

heartstartspoundingandIcouldalreadyfeelmypalmsbegintosweat.

Nateglancedatmewithasmile.MywholebodytingledwhenNateintroducedmetoCraig.Andsoit

wentfromthere.Atfirstwebondedoverhavingthesamejob.Thenwebondedoverwhatitwaslikeas

theonlyafricanamericaninourcompaniesandthenprettysoonwewerespendingeverynighttogether.It

allfellintoplacesoeasily,Ihadneverfellsohardandsofastforamanbefore.

I’m not going to lie. Those first few weeks were intoxicating. We were both doing work we loved and

gettingpaidwellforitandwefeltlikewehadsomuchincommon.Intheeveningsovertakeawaywe

wouldbounceideasoffeachother.Eductionsoftwarewasbothourpassionsandweeachdreamedofa

robustsystemthatwecouldrolloutindevelopingcountriestoconnectteachersandstudents.Webothhad

bigdreamstochangetheworldaroundus.Thoseinitialweekswereamazing.EvenwhenCraigwould

belittleaworkcolleagueIputitdowntostressandtherecipientpossiblydeservingit.Iwastooblinded

bymyfeelingstoseethatCraighadameanstreakamilewideandhewasnotafraidtouseittocuta

persondowntosize.

IwasblindtohismeannessuntilthefightthatendeditbetweenusandIthenfelthisfullwrath.Weboth

hadacoupleofcocktailsonusthathorriblenightandIdon'tevenrememberwhattheinitialseedwasthat

started the momentum going and swung us closer to the horrible moment. What I do remember crystal

clearandwhichstillstingseverytimeIthinkaboutit,istheonewordhecalledme.Ihadn'tbeencalledit

sinceIwaseightyearsoldandneveronceasasuccessfulwomanwithanexcitingcareerIshouldn'toflet

his cheap insult get to me. I did and it stills hurts me a month later. As a woman I thought I had the

resilience to rise above his words but hearing him shout it into my face had hurt me to my core. Craig

knewexactlywhatwordgrenadetolobatapersonsweakpoint.

AttheheightoftheargumentasitspunoutofcontrolCraiglookedatmewithcoldeyesandsaid,“You

knowwhatyourproblemis?”

“What?”Isaidinaclippedvoice.Icouldseehewasreadyinghimselftosaysomethingthattherewould

benocomingbackfrom.

“You’reanuglybitch.”

Theworduglyhungintheairbetweenuslikeaswarmofbitingblackflies.Heglaredatmewaitingfor

metoreact.

Hearinghimcallmeuglywasworsethanaslaptotheface.Thewordwaslikeapunchtomystomach.

He stood watching me his lower lip quivering in defiance. I could see in his eyes that he knew he had

gonetoofar.IcouldfeelangerwellupinsidemeliketherisingmagmaofavolcanoandIexplodedand

shoutedastringofhurtfulthingsathim.Heabsorbedmywordswithoutshowinganycrackofemotionand

thatwasit.AssoonashesteppedoutthedoorandslammeditbehindhimIcrumpledontothecouch.I

feltugly.InmywallowingpityIthoughtthatCraigwasrightanditwasdevastating.Iphonedinsickfora

fewdaysandatepizzaandbingewatchedsomeshows.Icouldn'tfacelookinginamirror,afraidtolook

attheuglywomanthatCraigknewIwas.OnceIgotbackintoworkandreconnectedwiththeworld,we

hadaseriesofcurtemailexchangesanditwasoverbetweenus.

Ugly.Thewordlodgedinmymindafterthebreakup.IfamanglancedinmydirectionIimaginedhewas

seeing a twisted horrible creature that he pitied. I was an intelligent woman and no matter how much I

triedtoescapefromtheshadowofthathorribleworditrearedupagainandmademefeellikeatroll.My

confidence swung to a new low and every time I thought about him shouting it in my face I imagined a

horribledistortedversionofmyfacefloatingbeforehim.Anosetoobroadandflat,eyesthatbuggedout

slightlyandskinthatwastoodark.IknewinapartofmedeepinsidethatIlookednothinglikethefunfair

mirrorversionofmyself.Logiccouldn'treachmeduringthattimeandasthewoundstartedtohealIlet

my heart harden. I was suspicious of mens intentions and pulled back from any that flirted with me on

nightsout.

Ugly.Withthatsinglewordhehadknockedmedownandmademedoubtmyperceptionofmyself.Iwas

evenstartingtogetangrywithmyselfforallowinghishurtfulwordstobestillbeaffectingme.Whenthe

opportunitytocometoIcelandtodemoourapplicationcameupIjumpedatit.Ineededtobeawayfrom

SanFranciscoforawhile.IneededtobeawayfromeveryoneIknewallsoIcouldtrytoshakeoffwhat

Craig had done to me. On the plane from the states I had leafed through the inflight magazine. It was

packed with features about the rugged landscape of Iceland, the stunning blue glaciers and the fiery

volcanoes.Itwasalsofilledwiththetypesofmenthatlookedtomeliketheycamefromanotherage.Men

who worked outdoors, who worked with their hands and had a touch of the viking about them. An old

fashioned man who would sweep you off your feet and carry you to his log cabin close to a waterfall.

TherewasnotmuchofthatkindofguyinthetechsceneinSanFrancisco.Iknewitwasfoolishtothink

such a man really existed. Maybe I need someone like this I thought as I had traced my finger over a

pictureofamuscularIcelandicmanstandingatopaglacierandstaringofftowardsthesettingsun.

Theplanedroppedsuddenlyandeveryoneinthecabinmoanedinfright.Gunnareachedoutandtookmy

handandIwashappyforthehumancontact.TheplanebankedhardandIsqueezedtightonGunna’shand.

Myeyeswerefixedontheswirlingsnowoutsidethewindow.Itlookedlikewewereinthemiddleofa

massiveblizzard.

TheintercomcrackledtolifeandthepilotspokeinthesingsongcadenceoftheIcelandiclanguage.Once

he was finished he switched to English, speaking in a perfect British news anchor's clipped and

enunciatedtone.

“Iamsorryaboutthislittlepatchofweatherwehavehit.Wearegoingtohavetodiverttheflighttothe

townofIsafjordur.Populationonethousandfivehundred.Theflightwillbegroundedforthedayandwe

hopetohaveanotherscheduledfortomorrow.Weapologiseforthechangeofdestination.Allflightcrew

prepareforlanding.”crackledthepilotsvoiceovertheintercom.

The plane bounced in the air and the engines made a high pitched whirring sound. The seatbelt sign

blinked on and we strapped ourselves in. Gunna laced her fingers in mine and we gripped each other

tight.Icouldn'ttearmyeyesawayfromthewindowasIwatchedthetipofthewingvibrateinthestorm.I

imagined we where inside a huge snow globe and an unruly child was shaking it as hard as he could.

BeyondthelightthattheplanecastIcouldseenothingbuttotalblackness.

ItisaclichetosaythatoutlivesflashbeforeusintimesofdangerbutasIstaredoutattheswirlingstorm

and the plane lurched from side to side by the buffeting winds, events from my life buzzed through my

brain.WhenIwassixmyaunttookmetoarestaurantwhilemymotherwasinhospital.Ihadclimbedup

onthebackofthehighbackedboothchairsandstareddownintotheinkyabyssbehindthem.Awiremesh

coveredthegapbetweenthechairandthewallandIranmyfingersacrossitfeelingthebuzzofitagainst

myskin.Inthecornerwherethetwochairbacksmettherewasaholeinthewirebigenoughtofitmyfist

into.Iglancedovermyshoulderandmyauntwasreadingayellowingpaperbackandnotpayingattention

tome.Istretchedmyarmdownintotheholeandkeptitstillsothatitwouldn'tscratchagainstthefrayed

piecesofthewiremesh.MyskinhadprickledasIlowereditdownintothedarkness.Theairwascool

downthereanditthrilledmetoreachbehindanddiscoverthissecretplace.Igrabbedmyfavouritedoll

off the table. She had pale skin, long blonde hair and unrealistic proportions. I loved that doll and she

travelledeverywherewithme.Iheldherbythehairandthendangledherovertheholebehindthechairs.

I looked back at my aunt to see her reaction. There was none, she continued to leaf through her book

withoutlookinguponce.

I lowered the doll into the cool air of the hole. The skin on the back of my neck prickled and a jolt of

pleasurecoursedalongmyback.Iraisedthedollbackoutoftheholeandheldherdanglingabovethepit

like I had seen in a morning cartoon. Then I looked my doll in the eyes one last time and opened my

fingers. I felt a whoosh of butterflies in my stomach as I watched her fall into the hole and hit the

mysterious ground behind the booth chairs. My aunt looked up at me when she heard the noise of

somethingrattlingaroundandassoonasshelockedeyeswithmeIburstoutcrying.Iwasovercomewith

suchsadnessanddespairforthelossofmydoll.

Tearsstreamedoutofmyeyesandmyauntsprangintoaction.Itoldherwhathappened,addingthatitwas

anaccidentandnotadeliberatesacrificeofmydoll.Myauntcalledoverawaiterandwhenheseenhow

upsetiwashegotdownonthefloortoseeifhecouldsavemydoll.Thebottomoftheboothchairshad

boardsblockingoffanyaccesstotheunderneathandwhentheyoungwaitersaidthathecouldn'tgetmy

doll,mycryinguppedanotchandIbecamenearhysterical.

Themanagercamewithatoolboxandtriedtounscrewthechairsandafterawhilehehadtogiveupasit

wasn't possible to get in behind the booths without some serious work. My aunt apologised to the

managementandonthewayhomesheboughtmeanewdoll.Onethatwasmeanttobebetterthanmylost

one.IpretendedIwashappywithit,butthetruthwasIcouldneverlookatthereplacementwithoutbeing

remindedofmylostdoll.Ihidthenewoneatthebackofmywardrobesoasnottoberemindedofthat

day.

Agustofwindhittheplaneanditfeltlikeitwaspushedtothesideastheenginesstruggledagainstthe

gale force winds. Another image from my past flashed in my mind. One I wished I didn't have to think

about again. It was the last night with Craig and the horrible fight we had. The wind eased off and the

whirringsoundsoftheenginereducedinvolume.Iclosedmyeyestightandpushedawayallthoughtsof

Craig.I’mnotgoingtowasteanothersecondonthatbastardItoldmyself.Lifeistooshorttoletaman

likehimgetunderyourskin.Heisthetrueuglyoneifhecouldsaysomethingsofullofmalicetoyou.

Screwhim.I’vewastedtoomuchtimebeingdown,ifwegetthroughthisIpromisemyselfthatIwillstart

openingmyheartagain.IwontwasteanymoretimefeelingsorryformyselfIchantinmymind.Whenwe

touchdownitsthestartofanewyou,andthenewyouisgoingtotakechancesItoldmyself.

Gunnasqueezedmyhandandsaid,“Areyouok?”

InoddedmyheadandthenrealisedIhadstartedtosmile.“ImademyselfapromiseandIintendtokeepit

onceweland.”

“Ipromisedmyselfalargeglassofwhiskeywhenwetouchdown,”Gunnareplied.

“Rightnowthatsoundsperfect,”Isaid.

Icursedinwardlyandtriednottogettoostressedaboutmymissedappointment,therewasnochancethat

I would make it to the conference in the north of the island now. It was a big deal to get invited to the

university in Akureyri and it was part of an arctic union with other universities across the nordic

countries.IfIwassuccessfulinAkureyriitmightopenupaccesstootherplaces.Ihopedthattheywould

beokwithmedelayingthemeeting.Itwasaconstantfearinthetechworldthatyourcompetitormight

swoop in and capitalise on any of your mistakes. We had already had two engineers poached by a

companycalledteachtechpartnerswhoweredemoingasimilarpieceofsoftwaretoours.Ibelievedin

ourproductwithallmyheartandteachtechsofferingwaslackingincertainareas.IfImessedupthese

meetingsandteachtechgotwindofittheymightbeabletoelbowmeoutofthedeal.

SeveraluniversitiesinIcelandhadshownaninterestinoursoftwareandthismeetingwasgoingtobea

bigdealformysmallteamoffive.WhenIhadtoucheddowninIcelandonlyhoursagoonadirectflight

from San Francisco the weather had been clear and crisp in the capital of Reykjavik. I had no time to

enjoythecityasIthenheadedstraightforthetinycitycentreairportformyconnectingflighttothetown

ofAkureyri.

TotrytotakemymindofftheplanebeingbuffetedinthestrongwindImentallywentthroughmyoptions.

IneededtobeattheUniversityinAkureyribynoontomorrow,maybeIcouldrentacaranddrivethere?

Ormaybetheflighttomorrowwouldgetmethereinenoughtime.Eitherwayitwasgoingtobetight.I

only hoped that if I couldn't make it in time the dean would reschedule, but with it being this close to

ChristmasIwasn'tsureifthatwouldbeapossibility.Myteamwouldbeguttedifthisallfellapartand

teachtechscoredawinagainstus.

“WhatdoyouthinkmychancesofgettingtoAkureyribytomorrow?”IaskedGunna.

She shook her head and said, “its a complete white out, most likely the roads will be closed. We are

landinginaveryremotepartofthecountry.”

Ipulledtheplasticshutterdownonthewindow,Ididn'twanttowatchtheragingstormanymore.“CanI

takealternativeroadsout?Whataboutthehighway?”

Gunnagavemeagentlesmileandsaid,“Haveyouseenamapofthecountry?”

Ihad,inoneoftheinflightmagazines.Inoddedmyhead.

“Ifyouimaginethecountrylookinglikeaducksbody,thenwearelandingintheheadarea.Itsthemost

remotepartofthecountry.ThereisonlyoneroadinandoneroadoutconnectingtotherestofIceland.In

ablizzardlikethistheroadwillbeclosed,I’mreallysorry.”

Iwasabouttoaskheranotherquestionwhentheplanebankedhardanddroppedbelowthecloudline.

GunnagrippedmyhandtightandIletoutapanickedmoan.Thewholeplanewasshakinganditsounded

like it was tearing itself apart. Metal whined under the stress of the storm and the engines increased in

volumetoahighpitchedwhine.Ipulleduptheshutteronthewindow.Ihadtoseeoutsideonelasttimeif

weweregoingdown.

ItwassnowingheavilyandoffinthedistanceIcouldseeatinytownonasmallpieceoflandjuttingout

intothewater.Thetownwasinadeepfjordwithsteeplybankedmountainsoneitherside.Atthefarend

of the fjord was a steep snow capped mountain and from this angle it looked like we where heading

straightforit.

I couldn't take my eyes off the looming mountain as it expanded in my view. This is it I thought as the

heavinessofdreadweigheddownonme.I’mgoingtodieonthisplane,itsgoingtocrashrightintothe

mountainside.IknowitI’mabouttodie.MyknucklespoppedasIsqueezedontighttoGunna'shand.

Astheplanelowereditsaltitudewewereshookbystrongcrosswindsandsomeoverheadcompartments

flung open. A bag spilled out onto the ground and an air steward got out of her seat, swaying back and

forthasshenavigatedtheaisleandfinallycloseditonhersecondattempt.Herfacewastautandbetrayed

noemotions.SheknowswearegoingtocrashIthoughtasIlookedbackoutatthemountainfillingmy

view.

Astheplanebankedhardtheviewfrommywindowwasreplacedandfilledwiththesightofgreychoppy

water.Icouldfeelpanicriseasitlookedlikewehaddodgedthemountainonlytocrashintothesea.I

screwedmyeyesshutreadytofeelthefinalmomentofimpact.Itdidn'tcomeandwithinafewsecondsI

couldfeeltheplanerightitselfandthenwetoucheddownsoftlyontherunwaywithonefinalhopbefore

thewheelsconnectedtotheearthagain.

Iunselfconsciouslyletoutaloudwhoopofjoyandthenfeltalittlesheepishlookingaroundatthevery

reserved faces of the all Icelandic passengers. Gunna saw my sheepish look and gave a whoop of her

own.Thissetoffachainreactionacrossthecabinandeveryonethenjoinedinwiththeirowntriumphant

shout.

“Thatwasintense,”Gunnasaid.

Isighedasrelieffilledmybody.“Thatsanunderstatement.”

WestillhadourfingerslacedtogetherandGunnaliftedourhandsupandkissedthebackofmyhand.Her

lipsweresoftandwarmandwhatshouldofbeenastrangemomentofintimacy,feltcompletelynatural

afterwhatwehadbeenthrough.

“Ithinkwesharedamoment,”Gunnasaidsmilingandlettingmyhandgo,“Icanseeusbecomingfirm

friends.”

“Agreed.Areyoustillupforadrink?”Iasked.

“Surething.Thereisnotgoingtobetoomanyoptionsforaccommodation.OncewegetthatsortedIthink

weshouldhitthetown.I’llshowyouhowanIcelandicwomanlikestoparty,”Gunnasaidwithawicked

smile.

IrememberedthepromiseIhadmadetomyselfwhenIwasatmymostfrightened.Iwasgoingtogetback

tolivingafulllifeandtakemorechances.ThedaysoflettingCraig'swordshurtmeareover.Itwastime

toopenupmyheartagainandallowpeopletogetclosetome.Nowwasthetimetostandinthecrushing

windandtheblowingsnowandtoshoutatthetopofmylungs,“ScrewyouCraig.Younolongerhaveany

poweroverme.”

“Tellme,”Gunnasaid,“youhaveabigsmileonyourface.”

“IthinkIfinallymovedpastsomethingthatwasholdingmeback,”Isaid.

“Seeingyourlifeflashbeforeyouwilltendtodothat,“Gunnasaidandleanedintomeandwhispered.

WebothburstoutlaughingatthedirtypledgeGunnatoldmeshewasgoingtofulfiltonight.

ChapterTwo

The plane taxied up to a small terminal and within a few minutes we were all off and relieved to be

stepping onto the concrete of the runway. Snow battered us and Gunna hooked arms with me as we

crossedtheshortwalktotheinvitingandbrightlylitbuilding.Itwasonlymidafternoonbutthesunwas

alreadysettingandtherapidlyfadinglightmadeitfeellikemuchlater.

Onceinsidetheterminal,peoplerushedtheonesmallinformationdeskastheywaitedforthebagstobe

takenofftheplane.

“YoutakeaseatandI’llsortoutaplacetostayandataxiintotown,”Gunnasaid.

I found a seat in the corner and took out my computer to immediately start emailing people to try to

reschedulemymeetings.TheintercominthesmallairportcrackledtolifeandamessageinIcelandicand

thenEnglishconfirmedthattheplanewasgroundedforthenightandthattherewasagoodchancethatit

wouldbegroundedalloftomorrowaswell.Thevoicecontinuedandalertedusthatduetoanincoming

snowstormallroadsoutwouldbeclosedforatleasttwentyfourhours.

Ilookedupfrommylaptopscreenandtherewasalargemansittingacrossfromme.Ifyoutoldmethathe

couldwrenchtreesfromthegroundbarehandedIwouldhavebelievedyou.Helookedlikeanillustration

of a Viking ripped straight from a history book. He had shaggy sandy blonde hair and a couple of days

stubbledustedhissquarechin.HiseyeswereapiercingbluethecolourofthefamedIcelandicglaciersI

had read about. He looked strong and imposing and had an easy smile on his face. The next thing that

struck me about him was his goofy sweater he wore. It was knitted in chunky wool and had a band of

reindeerloopingaroundtheneckandabandofelvesaroundthewaist.Itwasbrightandgarishandnot

completely fitting with his whole Viking vibe, but I liked it. It gave him a whimsical edge that I found

charming.

“IstheresomewhereIcanrentacarfrom?IneedtogettoAkureyrifortomorrow”Isaidtothishandsome

Viking. It wasn't the smoothest opening line but it did the job of striking up a conversation, even if I

alreadyknewtheanswer.

“I’msorryallroadsoutoftownareclosedbecauseofavalanchewarnings,theycouldtakeafewdaysto

clear”hesaidinperfectEnglishandinadeepgravellyvoice.Imagesofwaterfallssurgingthroughsnow

coveredvalleysandavikingonahorsechargingacrossthelandscapefilledmyimagination.

ItriedtokeepmycoolbutinsideIwaspanickingalittle.Hehadnowconfirmedthatthemeetingwasa

bustandifIwastrappedinthistownforafewdaysIcouldmissmyflightbackhome.Thingsjustkept

gettingworseItoldmyselfandthenmentallybackpeddled.GrabontonewsituationsandadventuresI

thought.

“Do you have somewhere to stay” he asked me. His eyes had a friendly twinkle and I felt a fizzle of

pleasureinmystomachwhenhesmiledatme.

“Myfriendisattheinformationdesknow.I’llknowwhenshegetsback,”Isaid.

The Viking mans cheeks reddened a little before he spoke again. “I hope I am not being too forward. I

haveasmallplaceontheedgeoftown.Youcouldhavethesparebedroomifyouwant.Therearetwo

bedsforyouandyourfriend.ItcouldsaveyouhavingtospendanyKronuronthehotelintown.Thetown

onlyhasoneandtheymightincreasethepricesknowingtheyhaveaplanefulloftrappedpassengers.”

“Idon'tevenknowyourname”Isaid,quicklyweighingupmyoptions.

Heputoutalargemeatyhandandsaid“I’mJonasDanielsson”.Ireachedoutandshookitandmyhand

was engulfed in the large expanse of his. His hand emanated a dry warmth and felt course against the

softnessofmine.Icouldfeelthathewasamanwhoworkedwithhishands.Iwassousedtoworkingand

dating men who only ever used there hands for typing in code for programming our software. The tech

industry was packed with soft palmed hands and feeling his rough hand against mine sent off another

pleasurablefireworkinmybelly.

“I’mSashaLee,nicetomeetyouJonas”Isaid.OureyeslockedandIfeltatinglerundownmyspine.I

satbackinmychairandsaid“Areyoufromthistown?”.

Jonaslookeddownandranhishandalongthebackofhisneck.Forthebriefestofsecondsheseemedlike

alittleboywhowaslostandscared.AsquicklyasInoticedit,itflittedawayandthestrongmanwasin

frontofmeagain.

“Iusedtolivehere.Imovedawaythreeorfouryearsago.Istillhaveaplace.Ihaven'tbeenbackfora

fewyears.”hesaid.

Idon'tknowwhybutItrustedthisman.Heexudedawarmthandyettherewasaqualitytohimthatmaybe

Iwasonlypickingupbecausemymemoriesofitweresorecent,helookedlikehehadbeenhurtaswell.

“Makingfriendsalready,”Gunnasaiddroppingherbagatmyfeet.HerbackwastoJonasandshegave

mealittlewinkbeforeturningaroundtoshakehishand.

AftertheygreetedeachotherGunnaturnedtomeandsaid,“WellIhavesomebadnews.”

IglancedoveratJonasandhewaslookingatGunnawithasmileonhisface.Ifeltaballoftensioninmy

chestandthoughtofcoursehe'sgoingtobecheckingouttheblondemodel,don'tletitgettoyou..

“All rooms are sold out in the hotel. The guy at the desk told me they are opening a sports hall at the

schoolandsettingupbedsforanyonewhocantgetaroom,”Gunnasaid.

“I can do you one better,” I said smiling and returning the wink when Jonas wasn't looking, “Jonas has

offeredtoputusupforthenightifwearestuck.”

“YouAmericansarefastmovers,”GunnasaidandthenturnedtoJonas.ShespoketohiminIcelandicand

Iwatchedasredspreadfromtheneckofhissweateranduphischeeksuntiltheybothstartedtolaugh.

Jonasstoodupasabroadsmilespreadacrosshisfaceandsaid,“Thatsgreat,letmegoandarrangea

taxi.Myplaceisnottoofarfromhere.”

“Whatdidyousaytohim?”IaskedGunnaasshesatdownbesideme.

“Iwasmakingsurehewasn'tsomekindofweirdo.ToldhimaboutacoupleofthefishermenthatIknow

andifanythinghappenedtometheywouldcomeandgethim.Icouldtellhe’sagoodguy,”Gunnareplied.

“Ithinkhewascheckingyouout,”Isaid,hopingIdidn'tsoundjealous.

Gunnashookherheadandsaid,“He’snotmytype.Iworkwithmenlikehimeveryday.Guyswhostill

thinktheyarevikings.Iammoreintouphere,”shesaidpointingtoherhead,“thenthemusclyoutdoors

man.”

“YouwouldbefightingthemoffinthecirclesImixin,”IsaidandifIwashonestalittlebitrelieved.

“Isthataninvitation?”Gunnasaidandwinkedatme.

InthecentreofthesmallterminalwastheluggagecarouselandIsawmybaggobyforthesecondtime.I

got up and grabbed it before it headed back out the swinging plastic door. Ruddy faced locals were

milling about collecting their bags and then pulling up the collars of their jackets before heading out to

bravethestorm.IsatbackdownbesideGunnaandwithinafewminutesJonaswasbackandweheaded

outside to an awaiting taxi. Before we got into the cab I caught Jonas looking at Gunna again with the

samehalfsmileonhisface.Myheartsankagain,shemightnotbeinterestedinhimbutitwasobviousthat

he had a barely concealed interest in her. Why wouldn't he be after a woman that looked like a model,

you’retoouglyavoicethatsoundedlikeCraigscrueltonesbubbledupinmymind.Ihadtostopthinking

likethisandmoveonIthoughtasIgotintothebackofthecabwithGunna.Jonasslammedthetrunkofthe

cabshutandsqueezedhisbigframeintothefrontseatofthecar.

Wedrovealongathinonelaneroadthatloopedaroundtheedgeofawidemouthedfjord.Atthefarend

ofthefjordwasahighimposingmountaincappedwithsnow.Itwasthesamemountainthatitlookedlike

wewouldcrashintoastheplanebankedhardtowardstheairport.

As the road curved around the fjord, putting the mountain behind us we headed towards a thin strip of

lights which looked like it floated above the choppy waves. Jonas pointed and said “Thats Isafjordur

town.Itjutsoutintotheseaonaverythinpieceofland.Muchofithasbeenreclaimedfromtheseaover

thecoupleofhundredyearsthatsettlershavebeenhere.”

“Isitafishingtown”Iasked.

“At one point that was the main industry here, but times change and fishing is currently dying out. The

townspopulationisslowlydwindling.”hesaidwithasoftmelancholictone.

Gunnapointedacrossthebayandsaid,“Doyouseethattinystripoflandacrossthere.”

I looked across the crashing waves and through the blizzard I could just about make out a dim line of

lights.“Iseeit.”

“Thatswherewelanded.I’mgladIcouldn'tseeitwhenwewerecomingin.Afriendsentmeavideoof

it and even when the conditions are perfect it looks scary. I think I’ll be driving back out of the fjords

whenthesnowclears.Whenisyourflightbacktothestates?”

“Ihavefourdays.Doyouthinkthestormwillbeclearedbythen?”

Jonasturnedaroundinhisseatandsaid,“Thenewsissayingitsgoingtobeabigone.Icangointotown

tomorrowandseeifIcangetsomeonewithajeeptogetyouwhereyouneedtobegoing.”

JonasturnedbackandstartedtotalktothedriverinIcelandic.Gunnareachedoverandsqueezedmyleg

rightabovemykneeandIslappedherhandawayandsuppressedalaughfromescaping.StillIthought,if

JonasmadeamoveonGunnaitwouldnotsurprisemeatall.

Withinafewminuteswehadpassedthetownandwhereheadedoutpastthelaststreetlightsandplunged

intoapressingdarknessaswefollowedthethinsnakingroadasitfollowedthecurveofthecoast.The

onlylightsnowweretheonescomingfromourcabaswecutthroughtheblowingstorm.

The taxi turned off the road and we bumped along a pitted gravel road for a few minutes. While Jonas

wastakingouthiswallettopay,thedriverlookedbackatmeandsaidsomethinginIcelandictoJonas.

Gunna’smouthfellopeninsurpriseandsheletoutahighspeedgarbleofIcelandicwords.Jonas’sface

reddenedandheraisedhisvoiceatthedriverandinaquickburstofspeechsaidsomethingangrilytothe

man, then he paid him quickly and we got out. The driver stared at me with a sour face and he looked

awaywhenJonasgavehimathreateninglook.

Aharshwindwhippedacrossusaswestoodbeforeasmallwoodenhouse.Jonasquicklyfishedouthis

keysandthankfullywewhereinsidewiththedoorshuttightlybehinduswithinafewseconds.Jonasface

wasstillalittleredfromhisencounterwiththetaxidriver.“Whatwasthatallabout?”Isaid.

“Thatguywasajerk,”Gunnasaidandavertedhereyesfromme.

“Tellme,”Isaid.Thetaxidrivercouldn'tofsaidanythingthatIhadn'theardahundredtimesbeforeasa

woman,orasawomanofcolour.

“Hetriedtomakeajoke,”Gunnasaid.

“He’saracistasshole,”Jonassaidwithanger,“hesaidsomethingsaboutyouthatwereoutofline.Iwas

readytopunchhimforbeingsorudetoyou.”

Gunna reached out and patted Jonas on his thick bicep. I pretended not to notice this gesture. It always

startwiththelittlethings.Atouchofthearm.Brushingagainstoneanother.Eyecontactthatlastedabeat

toolong.ItwasobvioustomethatGunnalikedhim.

“Iguessyougetthemeverywhere,”Isaidhopingtomoveonfromthesubject.

“It’stheoldergeneration.Theycanthandlechange.Theyoungareleavingtheruralareasindrovesand

foreignersaremovingintotakethejobsnooneelsewantstodo,”Gunnasaid.

“Itsnoexcuse.Ifitmakesyoufeelanybetterheisanassholetoeveryone,”Jonassaidtome.

“Ithinktheonlythingthatwouldmakemefeelbetterisastiffdrink,”Isaidwantingtochangethesubject.

“I’lldrinktothat,”Gunnasaid.

Jonaslookedannoyedandcontinued.“Hewasbeinganassholeandsaidsomeinappropriatethingsabout

you,Icantstandthesmallmindednessofsomeofthesecountrypeople”hesaid.

Ididn'tneedJonastospellitoutforme,Icouldimaginewhatkindofdrivelthetaximanhadspoutedoff.

EversinceI’dfirstlandedinIcelandI’dnoticedacoupleofstaresfromsomelocalpeople.Nothingtoo

obviousbutIcouldfeelthelooksandglancesasIhadwaitedinthesmallcityairportformyconnecting

flight. So far I hadn't seen any other black people so maybe it was just curiosity from the locals. Or at

leastIhopeditwasthat.

“Don’tworryabouthim”Isaid.IpattedhimononhisshouldertoreassurehimIwasokay.Icouldfeel

tightmusclesevenunderthesubstantialbulkofhiswinterjacket.Hebrightenedupatmytouchandmy

stomach did a happy lurch at his reaction to my hand on his shoulder. Maybe I was wrong about his

interestinGunnaIthought.

“Thisisyourroom,”:Jonassaidpointingtoadooroffthecorridor.IwatchedasJonasandGunnatook

theirshoesoffandlinedthemuponawoodenstandinthecornerofthehall.Icopiedthemandaddedmy

shoestotheshelf.

Gunnapaddedacrossthewellwornwoodenfloorandopenedthedoortoourroom.Asinglebedwasin

eachcornerandbetweenthemwasawoodendresserthatlookedlikeitcouldbeahundredyearsold.

“I’llgetyouduvetsandpillows,everythingispackedawayinstorage.I’llleaveyoutwoalonetosettle

in,”Jonassaidandgaveasmallbowtobothofus.AsIpassedhimIcaughthimwatchingGunnaagain

withasmilecurlingthecornersofhismouth.SobeitIthoughtasIclosedthedoorbehindme.

We stowed away our bags under the beds and I could hear Jonas began making some coffee in the tiny

kitchen at the end of the hallway. The house was small and sparsely decorated. The walls were bare

varnishedwoodwithblackandwhitepicturesofthetownhungonthem.Apictureofafishingboatwith

fivemenwithbigbushybeardsdominatedoneofthewallsintheroom.

IsatdownonthebedandGunnalaydownacrossfromme.Shecrossedherarmsbehindherheadand

closedhereyes.“Ilovetheseoldhomes.Theyremindmeofmygrandparents.Theylivedinahouselike

thisonaremotefarmupnorth.Iusedtospendthesummerswiththemhelpingoutwiththesheepandthe

horses.ThereisasmellwhenIwalkintooneoftheseoldhousesthatremindsmeofmygrandmotherand

hersoftwrinkledhandsasshesatinthecornerknittingsweatersforthewinter.Thewinterwasalways

comingandfamilymembersalwaysneedednewsweaters.”Gunnabreathedindeeplyandsaid,“Canyou

smellit?Itsdecadesofvarnishandpolishlovinglyappliedtothewoodenfloors.Italwaystakesmeright

back.”

Ibreathedinthesweetscentofthepolishandsaid,“It’sthesmellofpipetobaccothatremindsmeofmy

grandparents.Itsascentthatisrarerandrarereveryday,”Isaid.

“AlotoftheguysoutinthecountrysidestillsmokepipesandIlovethatsmell,itsahabitIprefertothe

alternative,”Gunnasaid.

“Whatsthat?”Iasked.

“Idon'tknowwhattheenglishwordforitis.Itwouldbesomethinglike‘chew’,”Gunnasaid.“It’swhen

yougetthetobaccoinlittlepaperpouchesandstickitintoyourmouthandholditagainstyourgum.Then

everysooftenyouhavetospitouthorribletobaccospit.Lotsoftheboatcaptainsindulgeinthathabit.”

“Soundsgross.Ithinksomefolksdothatbackhomeaswell,”Isaidstretchingoutandlyingbackonmy

bed.ThebaremattressgroanedasImademyselfcomfortableandthenclosedmyeyes.

“WhatdoyouthinkofJonas?”Gunnasaidinawhisper.

“Heseemsnice,”Isaid.

Gunnaturnedovertofacemeandsaid,“Icaughthimcheckingyououtafewtimes.”

Iflippedoverandlayonmysideandfacedher.Iarchedmyeyebrowandsmiled.

“Doyouwanttoheadintotownandgetafewbeersinawhile?”Gunnaaskedme.

Ididn’tgettoanswerasJonasknockedonourdoorandsaid,“CanIcomein?”

GunnagavemeanotheroneofherwinksandIsaid,“Comeonin.”

Whenthedooropenedthearomaoffreshlybrewedcoffeefilledtheroom.“I’vemadesomecoffeefor

youtwoladies,”Jonassaid.Helookedlikeagiantstandinginthedoorway.Hisshoulderswerebroad

andhisChristmassweaterwasmouldedontothethickmusclesofhisarms.JonaslookeddownatGunna

relaxing on the bed and his smile widened. I felt the ball of tension in my stomach grow. I knew deep

downthatIwasbeingsillyforfeelinganykindofjealousytowardsGunna.Shewasatallleggyblonde

withsupermodelgoodlooksandwasI,wellIwasjustme.IhadnochanceagainstherandIhadcaught

Jonaslookingatherandsmilingwhenhewasn'tawareIwaslooking.

“Whatareyousmilingat?”Gunnaaskedhim.

“IthinkIknowyou,”Jonassaid.

GreatIthought,thisiswhereI’llbepushedofftotheside.NormallyIwouldn'tcarebuteversinceIhad

firstmetJonasIcouldn'tkeepmyeyesoffhim.Thewayhemoved,howhelockedeyeswhentalkingto

me,likeitwasthemostimportantthingever.ThisisitIthoughtasIlookedatthemsmilingateachother,

andwhatagoodlookingcoupletheywouldmake.

“Ihavecousinsthatlivehere.Ispentasummerhere…”

Jonascutheroffandsaid,“Workinginthefishingfactory?”

Gunna'scheeksstartedtoturnredandhersmilebegantolosesomeofitsshine.“Didyouworkthere?”

shesaidinalowvoice.

“Idid.IthinkIworkedtherethesamesummerasyou.Youwerethegirlwhofellintothealltheguts?”he

saidandhissmilebroadened.

Gunnawentbeetredandsaid,“Thatwasmealright.”

Jonaslaughedanditwasn'tasoundofcruelty.“IthoughtIrecognisedyou.Thesamethinghappenedtome

twoweeksafteryouleft.”HeburstoutlaughingandsoontheredwasfadingonGunna'scheeksandshe

joinedinwithhim.

“Whathappened?”IaskedGunna.

“AsateenageritwastheworstthingthatcouldhappeninfrontoftheboysIfancied.Isupposeasanadult

itsnotsobad.”

“Nothingtobeembarrassedabout,”Jonassaidreassuringher.

“Iworkedinafishfactoryontheprocessingline.Iwasonaraisedplatformremovingtheheadsandguts.

Allthosepartsfellintoamassivetubbesidemyplatform.OnedayIwasworkingawayandthenthenext

secondIwasslippingandIfellofftheplatformintothefishguts.Iwascoveredfromheadtotoe.They

hadtostoptheprocessinglineandrescuemeandthenhosemedown.Everyonewasstandingaroundand

laughing.Ismeltoffishgutsforweeks.Itwashorrible.Iquitthatday.”

JonassteppedintotheroomandcrossedovertoGunnaandgaveherapatontheshoulder.“Afteryouleft

Igotmovedtoyourpositionandwithintwoweeksthesamethinghappenedtome.Turnsouttheantislip

matswereworndown.Ileftsoonafter,theplacetreatedmostofthestaffverybadwithnoconcernfor

safety.

HowcanIcompetewiththisIthought,theyhaveasharedhistory.Idecidednottoobsessoveritanymore

andjusthaveagreatunexpectednightwithmynewfriends.

“Idon'trememberworkingwithyou,”Gunnasaid.

“Iwasonlythereaweekbeforeyouleft,”Jonasrepliedashegotup.“Wecancatchuplaterifyouwant.”

Helefttheroom.

“Sure,”Gunnasaidashewalkedout.Hecamebackacoupleofsecondslaterwithhisarmsfilledwith

bigfluffyduvetsandpillowsandfreshtowels.Hedroppedthemontomybedandsaid,“Coffeeisready

wheneveryouwanttojoinme.”

“I’m going to call it an early night,” Gunna said. My heart sped up in my chest. “I didn’t realise how

wreckedIwasuntilIlaydownhere.Youtwoenjoyyourself.”

ThatwasunexpectedIthoughtasJonasturnedandlefttheroom.

“Areyousureyoudon'twanttojoinus?”Iaskedhopingshewouldsayno.

Gunnagavemeacutesmileandsaid,“I’veseenhowhewaslookingatyou,IcanassureyouI’donlybe

gettingintheway.”Myheartspedupevenmore.“Go,enjoyyourselfandifyouneedanyhelpgivemea

shout,”shesaidandgaveadirtylaugh.

ChapterThree

Jonas was standing in the kitchen with his back to me and staring out the windows at the snow slowly

falling.Amugwithapuffinstandingonarockwasonthecounterbesidehimandheturnedandsmiled

whenheheardmecoming.

“Tonightlookslikeitwillbeperfectconditionsforagreatshow”hesaidpointingup.

I looked out the window and I could see that white clouds were beginning to part, exposing a dazzling

arrayofstarsabove.“Doyouthinkwewillseethenorthernlights?”Iaskedinanexcitedvoice.

Ever since I was a little girl the beautiful display was something I had dreamt of seeing. I had seen a

commercialforasugarydrinkthathadananimatedbearsittingbackandlookingupatthemostamazing

displayoflightsinthesky.WhenIaskedmyMotherwhatitwasIwasseeingandsherepliedandtoldme

thatshedidnotknowImadeitmymissiontofindout.ThenextdayatthepubliclibraryIsatatoneof

their large oak tables, my little legs swinging in the big chair as I sat on its edge and looked through

picturebooksexplainingthephenomenon.

AsIleafedthroughthebook,beautifulimagesofNorwayandFinlandfilledmyimagination,daydreams

of Vikings and Inuits looking to the sky and gazing at the spectacle entranced and excited me. It was

something I always wanted to see and one thing or the other had stopped me from ever fulfilling that

dream.

“WouldyouwanttoseethemIcelandicstyle?”Jonasaskedmewithawickedgrinonhisface.

“I’dlovetoseethem”Isaidasasmilecurledthecornerofmymouth,“WhatsIcelandicstyle?”

“Ifyouwanttobelikeatruelocalyouhavetositoutunderthestarsandgazeuponthenorthernlightsina

hotpot.Ihopeyouhaveaswimsuitwithyou”hesaidfillingmycupwithsteamingcoffee.

“Idoindeed.Whatsahotpot?”Iasked.

Jonas pointed pointed out the window at the corner of the house and I could see the edge of a covered

jacuzzi. “In olden times we would sit out in natural pools of water heated by the natural geothermal

energy.Wedon'thavemuchgeothermalheatinginthispartofthecountrysoweusejacuzzis.”

Thehairsonthebackofmyneckprickledathispronunciationoftheword.TheJhadasoftnesstoitand

theZ’shadasoftrollingqualitytothem.IwaspreparedforthisoutdoorsexcursionasIhadreadaboutit.

AlltheguidebooksIhadreadhadrecommendedtobringaswimsuitasoutdoorpoolswereabigpartof

theIcelandiccultureandsomethingthateverytouristshouldexperience.IneverwouldofimaginedthatI

wouldbeinvitedintoahotpotbysuchagoodlookinglocal.

“Goodgood,I’llgoandgetthehotpotreadythen”hesaidfinishinghiscoffeeandleaving.Isippedthe

darkstrongcoffeeandrecalledaparticularlyvividillustrationfromabookIhadreadasayounggirl.It

wasofalargeVikingmanstrippedtothewaistwithanaxeinhishand.Hewasstandingstillasagranite

boulderandstaringupattheheavens.Abovehimwasthemostbeautifuldisplayofnorthernlights.Over

theyearsIhadromanticisedthesparklingribbonoflightinthenightskyandthemanwhogazeduponit.

Over the years when I was alone and needing comfort I would picture the burly Viking man taking me

under the northern lights, my dark skin accentuated against the snow white furs of an animal hide I lay

uponasthevikinghadhiswaywithme.Wasthisabouttohappentomeinreallife?Icouldfeelawarm

flushbetweenmylegsatthethoughtofit.

Iflashedbacktoafewhoursagointheplaneasitbuckedinblowingstorm,Ihadpromisedmyselftotake

morerisksandlivelifeinthemoment.Craigswordscamefromadistanceasifcarriedonafaintbreeze,

hecalledmeuglyinmymindforthethousandthtimeandIdugmynailsinmypalmandtoldmyselfhehas

nomorepoweroveryou.Itstimetomoveonwithyourlife,maybetakeGunna'swiseadviceand“Fuck

the pain away.” I hadn't been with anyone since Craig devastated me and maybe a no strings one night

standwaswhatIneeded.Ihadonlyhadhadaonestandstandoncebeforealongtimeago.Gooutthere

havesomefunIthought,don'toverthinkit,youneedthistoreclaimapartofyourselfandtofinallybanish

Craigscruelwordsfromyourmind.

AblastofcoldairwhooshedintothekitchenwhenJonasreturned.Hewaswearingaluridpinkdressing

gownthatwasextremelyfluffy.Hedidaspininthekitchenandsaid,“Whatdoyouthink?”.

“Ithinkthecoloursuitsyou”Isaidsmiling.Myeyestraileddownhisbodyandthedressinggownhugged

hisbodyinalltherightareas.Iliftedmycoffeemuguptohidemysmileandtookanothersip.

“Everythingisallreadyoutside,thehotpotwillbeattheperfecttemperaturewhenwegoout.Youcan

useyourroomtochange.”Slungoverhisshoulderwasanotherbrightpinkgownandhepassedittome.

“I’llwaithereuntilyou’reready”hesaid.

GunnaopenedhereyeswhenIenteredandshesatupstretching.“Someonelookshappy.”

“Jonashasinvitedmeoutsidetohishotpottoseethenorthernlights,”Ireplied.

“Exciting,”Gunnasaidrubbinghereyes.

“Doyouwanttojoinus?”Iasked.PleasesaynoIthought.

“IthinkI’mdownforthenight.Youguyshavefun.I’msureyoubothwill,”shesaidwithagrin.

Idugthroughmysuitcaseandfoundmybikini.Itwassmallandwhiteandthecentreofthebrawasheld

togetherbyafauxshell.“Youcameprepared,”GunnasaidwhenIthrewitonthebed,sheturnedaround

inthebedandchuckledandsaid,“Youaresuregoingtohavefuntonight.”

Islippedoutofmyclothesandstoodfullynakedintheroom.Itthrilledmetothinkthatinthenextroom

sat a hulking Icelandic Viking. I slipped into my bikini and ran my hands over my body enjoying my

sensuouscurves.Ihadanextremelylargeandcurvyassandwhilemybreastswherenothugetheywhere

proportionednicelyandlookedgreatinthewhitebikinitop.MydeepchocolateskinlookedgoodandI

wasstartingtofeelverysexy.Ithrewaballedupt-shirtatGunnaandsheturnedaroundandgavemea

thumbsup.“Theydon'thavetoomanywomenlikeyouinIceland,”shesaid,“youlookmightyfine.”

“Thankyou,”Isaid.Hercomplimentfeltgood.Itiedmyhairupsoasnottogetitwetandthenslipped

intothefluffyrobe.Myrobewasaselectricpinkashisandwassnugandcozyagainstmyskin.

“AnytipsforhangingoutwithanIcelandicman?”IaskedasIreadiedmyselftoleave.

“Theymightnotlookitbuttheycanbeveryshy.OtherwiseIthinkyouwilldofine,”Gunnasaid.

I was ready now for whatever the night would bring. My new found confidence and urge to put Craigs

cruelwordsbehindmepushedmeon.AcoupleofmonthsagoIcouldnothaveimaginedthatIwouldbe

abletobeinabikiniinfrontofanotherman.Thefearofaplanecrashwillputanewperspectiveonlife

andIwasgoingtograbanychancesthatcamemyway.Beingsafehadhurtmeinthepast.Thenewme

wasreadyforfunandIwouldn'tletanymanhurtmeasmuchasCraigdid.

IwalkedoutofthebedroomlikeIwaswalkingonacushionofair.JonassmiledbroadlyatmewhenI

returnedtothekitchen.“Letsgo”hesaidandwewentoutthebackdoor.

We were immediately hit by a cold blast of air and slowly falling snowflakes stuck to my fluffy robe.

“Followme”saidJonasandweturnedthecorneraroundthesideofthehouse.

Alargesteaminghottubsatinashelteredcorner.Itwassituatedwithclearviewsacrossthefjordandthe

vastnightskystretchedaboveit.Smallwhitelightswhereembeddedintheshelteringwallsaroundthe

hottubcastingdancingshadowsacrossthesurfaceofthesteamingwater.

“AreyoureadyforaverytraditionalnightforanIcelander”Jonasaskedtakingoffhisrobeandhangingit

onahook.HestoodbeforemesmilingandIlikedwhatIsaw.Hewasbroadattheshoulderswithlarge

bicepsandhischestwastightanddefined.Thedimlightcastfromtheilluminationbesidethehotpots

castshadowsacrosshischestandstomachandIcouldmakeouttheridgesofhisabs.Iglanceddownand

IwassurethatforasecondIcouldseetheoutlineofhiscockagainsthisbaggyshorts.Ilookedawayand

hopedhehadn'tnoticedandIfeltaflushofwarmthinmycheeksandanotherflushofwarmthbetweenmy

legs.

His pale white skin glowed in the light reflected off the water. He looked like he was a quintessential

Viking,asifhewaspluckedfromoneofthemanyillustrationsIhadlovedstaringatasayounggirl.Ifit

was another time he would probably take me forcibly as his spoils no matter how much I protested. I

swallowedasimagesofhimsweepingmeupintohisarmsandcarryingmeacrossabattlefieldfilledmy

mind.IfeltmynippleshardenatthethoughtofthismoderndayVikingbeingsoclosetome.

Jonasgotintothehottubandsunkunderthesteamingwateruptohisshouldersandletoutacontented

sigh. He closed his eyes and lay his head back against the edge. I began to undo my robe and Jonas

openedhiseyesandwatchedme.Icouldseethathedidnotwanttotakehiseyesoffmebutalsowanted

tokeepuptheveneerofbeingagentleman.“Doyouwantmetoturnaway?”heasked.

“No,Idon'tmindyoulookingatme”Isaidfeelinganotherthrillcoursethroughmybody.Iwasneverthis

forwardandbeingevenslightlyplayfulwithJonasmademefeelgood.Ihadthoughtforwaytoolongthat

nomancouldeverbeinterestedinme.IthoughtfortoolongthatIreallywasugly.StopitItoldmyself

notwantingtogiveCraiganypoweroverthisbeautifulnight.

Ihungmyrobeupandstoodbeforehim.Iwonderedifhehadeverseenablackwomaninabikinithis

closeupbefore?JudgingbythestaresIgotinReykjavikIdoubtthelocalsseemanypeopleofcolour.

“Wowyoulookbeautiful”hesaid.IcouldfeelmynippleshardenevenmoreunderhisgazeandIquickly

gotintothehottubsohewouldn'tsee.Isubmergedmyselfuptomyshouldersanditfeltgreat.

“Thank you,” I replied as the warmth of the water radiated into my body. I moved my arms under the

surfaceanditfeltlikeIwasmovingthroughwarmsilk.

Wewereoutoftheworstofthewindandonlyafewsnowflakesfloateddownandmeltedinstantlywhen

theyhitthesurfaceofthehotpot.“Itsgoingtostopsoonandwiththisstrongwindweshouldhaveaclear

sky.Thenweshouldseesomenorthernlights”Jonassaid.

I giggled. I couldn't believe it, I was a grown woman and here I was giggling like a school girl. “You

soundhappy,”hesaid.

“I am. This is something I have dreamed about since I was a young girl” I said, “I was obsessed with

vikingsandimagesofsnowymountainsandnorthernlights.”

“I’mgladIcouldhelpinsomesmallway,”hesaid.

WithaflourishJonasreachedbehindthehottubandbroughtuptwofrostyglassesandabottleofgreen

glassfrostedinalayerofice.

“Areyougoingtotrytogetmedrunk”Isaid.

“Drunk?No.Alittlemerry.Maybe,”Jonassaidsmiling.

“I’mupforgettingmerry,”Isaidsmiling.

“ItisanIcelandictraditiontodrinksomebrennivinwhenoutinyourhotpot.Itbringsyouluck,”hesaid

fillingthetwoshotglassesandpassingonetome.

“Whatsbrennivin”Isaidmanglingthepronunciation.Ismelledtheclearliquorintheglassandcaughta

pungentscentofboozefollowedbyaslightspiciness.

“ItsIcelandicschnapps,andverygoodforyou.Thenamemeansblackdeath”hesaidclinkingourglasses

together.“Downinone,”hesaid.

I knocked back the shot and the icy liquid flowed down my throat. I got the faint taste of liquorice and

nothing else. Almost immediately I could feel the warmth of the booze spreading and making me feel

looserandmorerelaxed.IcoughedasIfelttheburnflowdownmythroatandspreaditstendrilsthrough

mybody.“Smooth,”Isaidcoughingagain.

JonaslaughedandIfeltmorewarmthspreadthroughme.Hislaughwasoneofinclusion,youfeltlikeyou

wereinonthejokeandithadnoedgeofcruelty.WhenCraighadlaugheditwasusuallyatyourexpense

andtomockyou.ScrewyouCraigIthoughtasIsunkintothewateruptomychin.

“SowhatbringsyoutoIceland”heasked.

I told him about my software project and my tale of woe of bad weather, missed flights and possible

missedbusinessopportunities.IcouldreallyfeelmyselftoloosenupasItalked.Imotionedforanother

drinkandwebothdownedtheicyconcoction.ThisisreallyfittingifthiswasthenationaldrinkIthought,

a mixture of fire and ice, just like all the glossy brochures for the country advertised endlessly over

picturesoferuptingvolcanoesandsnowcappedglaciers.Icouldfeelthefireinmybellynowanditwas

makingmerelax.

“You told me back in the airport that you used to live here. Why did you move from such a beautiful

place?”Iasked.InmymindIwasalreadyimagininghavingasmallhouselikeJonas’s,thatlookedout

intothefjordandacrosstheendlessnightsky.Itwasprobablythebrennivinbutleavingmylifebackin

America and moving to a beautiful fjord seemed like the best thing I could ever do. My mind filled up

with ideas of a simpler life away from the constant hustle of San Francisco. I knew I was doing what

every traveller since the beginning of time had dreamed about, the urge to give up your life and start

afreshinanewlocation.

“IthinkIneedanothershotbeforeItalkaboutanythingfrommypast”hesaid,lookingverysombre.We

downedourthirdblackdeathinthespaceof15minutesandIwasdefinitelyfeelingverybuzzed.Ibetter

holdoffonthemforanotherwhileorIwouldbethrowingmyselfatJonasIthought,myusualrationaland

restrainedpartofmekickingin.Anotherpartwasalsobattlingforattentionandthatwasthepartofme

screamingoutthataonenightstandwithahunkwoulddomegood.Iwasactuallydoingmybestatthe

moment from holding off and not just pouncing on him and wrapping my arms around his massive

shouldersandpressinghimtightagainstme.Therationalpartwasclearlylosing.

“Thisallhappenedovertenyearsago.BackthenIlivedinthetowncentre,afewhousesawayfromour

onlyschoolhouse.ItwasawarmautumndayandIwassittingoutmybackgardenenjoyingthelastbitof

warmthbeforethelongendlesswinternightscameanddarkenedthetown.ThefirstthingInoticedwas

the smell of something acrid in the breeze and then I could see the first billows of smoke across the

rooftops.Iimmediatelyrantowardswherethesmokewascomingfrom.Itwastheschoolhousethatwas

ablazeandallthekidsandtheteacherswerestandingoutsidelookingmiserable.Everyonehadgotout

okayorsowethoughtuntiloneofthekidsstartedtocryandbeganshoutingwhereisTomas.”

Jonas rubbed his hand down his face and continued. “I knew the teacher standing with the children, he

was an old warhorse whose family had lived in the fjord for many generations. “Are we missing

someone?” I asked feeling panic begin to rise. He quickly tried to count and check if everyone was

accountedfor.Inthosedaystherewasprobablynomorethenthirtystudentsintheschool.Ashetriedto

countthepanickedandfrightenedkidsincreasinglybegantoexclaim,whereisTomas.Theteacherseyes

went wide with fear as he realised Tomas was unaccounted for. “What class should he of been in?” I

shouted. The next few minutes were a blur, parts I have tried to forget and other parts I think my mind

doesnotwanttoreturnto.”

Jonaspausedagainbeforegoingon.“Myfollowingactionswerewithoutfearorthoughtsofheroism.I

justactedonpureinstinct.Iranintotheburningbuildingandimmediatelymylungswerefiledwithacrid

smoke.”Jonasstoppedwithahitchtohisbreathing.Heputupahandandwipedawayatear.“Sorry,I

cantgoon.ItmightbenearlytenyearsagobutIrarelyspeakaboutit.Wecantalkaboutitanothertime.”

IcouldseehowmuchitwastearinghimapartinsidesoIdidn'tpushhimtoopenup,notyetanywayI

thought. The alcohol inside me was making me feel relaxed and spontaneous and I did something I had

neverdonebefore,makethefirstmove.Islidoverinthehottubandputareassuringarmaroundhim.We

turned to face each other and I looked deep into his piercing blue eyes. “You are the most beautiful

womanIhaveeverseen”hesaid.

HeleanedintomeandIcouldfeelthehairsonmyheadtingleaswemovedclosertogethertokiss.His

lips brushed across mine tentatively at first and then we were both consumed by passion. He ran his

coarsehandsacrossthebackofmynecksendingripplesofpleasurethroughme.Ourlipspartedandour

tonguesbrushedtipsandthesensationmademehungryformore.IwantedtobeconsumedbythisViking

man,IwantedtofeelliketheebonygoddessIwas.IpicturedapaleVikingwarriorhandinhandwithhis

ebonyqueenstridingacrossthelandwithalleyesonthem.MybodytingledasIrealisedIwaslivingout

myultimatefantasy.ThewayJonashadlookedatmemademefeellikeabeautifulwomanandIcould

feelagrowingballofsweettensionatmycore.

Jonas’s large hands stroked and caressed my neck and then moved below the water and cupped my

breasts. My nipples were as hard as tempered steel and thrilled as his hands moved over them. I

swivelledaroundtofacehimandspreadmylegsandsatonhislap.

Icouldfeelhisthickcockrubbingagainstmeandmybodyhummedatthefeeling.Wewerelikeanimals

inheat,ruttingandhumpingagainsteachother.Myworldwasapinprickofpleasurecentredonhisthick

memberrubbingagainstmypussyandhishandsandlipsonmybody.

Jonas’smouthwasonmysensitiveneckbitingandnibblingatit,“Standup”Iwhisperedinhisear.Ifelt

like I was a different woman, and the man before me, the dazzling light show above me and the wide

expanseofthefjordallworkedtheirmagiconme.Hestoodupandgotoutofthewarmwaterandsteam

begantorisefromhisperfectVikingphysique,wispsofsteamcurlingoffhisbroadshoulders.Hisshorts

bulgedinthefrontandIknewthathisstiffcockwantedtobefree.Ikneltbeforehim,myVikingwarrior

toweringoverme.WithoneyankIpulledoffhisshortsandthenIwasfacedwiththisVikingsonetrue

weapon.

Hiscockwasinchesfrommyface.Thickandveineditvirtuallythrobbedformyattention.Istrokedmy

fingersalongthesoftsackandthengrippedthethickbaseofhismember.Ipuckeredmysensuouslipsand

rubbed the head of his cock over them. With one slick motion I licked from the base of his cock to the

glisteningheadwithmybroadflattongue.Hissaltymanlytasteandsmellwasmakingmypussypulsein

anticipationoffeelinghiminsideme.

I parted my lips and took his cock into me. Its length slid into the warm recess of my waiting mouth.

SlowlyImovedmyheadupanddownalternatingthepressureofmylipsontheshaftofhisamazingcock.

Iskilfullymovedmytonguesidetosidelikeasnakesensinghissurroundingsashiscockmovedbackand

forthinsidemywarmdepths.

WitheverydownwardsplungeofmyheadJonasletoutasatisfiedgrunt.Hewasstartingtospeedupand

buckhishipsforwardswitheveryoneofmydownwardmotions.Icouldfeelhiscockswellandtwitchin

mymouthandIknewhewasclosetotheedgealready.IfeltlikeawomanincontrolasIbroughthimto

thecuspofpleasure.

IpulledawayandJonasslidebackintothesteamywaterofthehottub.Hepulledmetowardshimandhis

handsandmouthworkedovermysuppleflesh.Heslippedahandbetweenmylegsandthefirstcontactas

his fingers moved across my pussy nearly made me explode straight away. I slipped out of my bikini

bottoms and moved to the other side of the hot tub and turned around and looked over my shoulders at

Jonas.Nowordsneededtopassbetweenus.Mybodyhummedwithanticipationasmymindreeledatthe

fact I was living out a long wished for fantasy. There was nothing I loved more then being taken from

behind and I loved when a man squeezed my sizeable and curvy ass, the fact that it was an Icelandic

vikingabouttodoittomemademytoescurl.

Jonasstoodbehindmeandbenttokissmyasscheeksstickingoutofthewater.“MyGodwomanyouhave

themostunbelievableassIhaveeverseen”hesaidsoundinglikehewasinpureaweatmycurves.Ashe

kissed my cheeks he slipped a hand between my legs, I bit into my arm as pleasure surged through my

body. He slipped two fingers inside me and his thumb moved in circles around my engorged clit and I

moaned in ecstasy. This Viking warrior was making me weak at the knees. I could barely stand as my

bodywasbombardedwiththesweetwavesofpleasure.

IwasbuckingmyhipshardagainsthishandandIcouldalreadyfeelmyselfclosetotheedge.“Fuckme

Viking”Isaidpantinghard.

Jonasrubbedthethickheadofhiscockovermypussyspreadingthelipswide.AsthetipslideinIclosed

myeyestightatthefireworksgoingoffinmyhead.Withafluidmotionheslidhiscockallthewayinto

me and my pussy and body sang out in exaltation at the feeling. I squeezed the walls of my pussy tight

againsthim,lockinghimintomesoIcouldfeeleverydeliciousstrokeintensely.

Jonas put his work hardened hands on my ass and began to fuck me in long rhythmic strokes of pure

unbridledpleasure.Wewherebothgruntinglikeanimalsasourindividualwantsandneedscombinedin

thismomentofuttercloseness.Ithrewmyheadbackandstaredupattheskyasapurplefringeoflight

dancedacrosstheblackexpanse.Iclencheddownonhimhardanditwasasifwitheachstrokeofhis

hips the colours in the sky faded and changed in rhythm. I closed my eyes as the colours from above

dancedlikeshadowsbehindmyeyelids,figmentsburntintomysensesasmyworldreduceddowntothe

sweetsensationofJonasbetweenmylegs.

InthepitofmystomachIcouldfeelthefieryfurnaceofasupernovaorgasmabouttoexplode.Inragged

breathsImoanedIthatIwasclosetopeaking.JonasspeeduphispowerfulthrustsandIcouldfeelhe

wasabouttocum.Inaraggedbreathhesaid,“Lookup.”

Ilookedupandaboveuswastheshimmeringcurtainofthemostbeautifuliridescentgreenstingedwitha

faintpurplehue.Theskywasawashwiththeotherworldlydisplayofthenorthernlightsasitstretched

acrossthewidthofthefjord,brushingagainstthemountainrangesoneachside.

MybrainbuzzedwiththestunningbeautyaboveandthenmyorgasmslammedintomeasIfeltJonasbuck

hardagainstmeasheshothishotloaddeepintomypussy.Mypussyflutteredtheexquisitedanceofan

intensealloverorgasmasthewavesofpleasureradiatedoutwards.Allthoughtsandfeelingfocusedon

theamazingsensationoftheVikingscockinsidemefillingmewithhisseed.

Mybreathcameoutinraggedburstsasmybodyfeltlikeitwasmadeofthefinestcrystalglassandthen

was filled with the warmest of honey. The waves of the orgasm washed over me and then slowly

subsided.ThroughoutthewholetimeasIwasblastedwithpleasuremyeyeshadneverleftthewondrous

displayaboveme.WhatIwasseeingaboveundulatingandshimmeringabovewaslikewhatIhadjust

feltmovingthroughmybody.ThelightdisplayabovewasbeautifultolookatandasIbreathlesslystared

up at it I knew it was something I wanted to experience again. The northern lights was the visual

manifestationoftheorgasmthathadrippledthroughmybody.

Maybeitwasthebrennivinortheamazingnorthernlightsaboveme,butIfeltanextremeconnectionto

thismanandthisland.WasittoofarfetchedtothinkIcouldbethispaleVikingsbeautifulebonygoddess?

IstaredupattheskybreathinghardasJonasgentlysqueezedthecurveofmyhips.Forthefirsttimeinas

longasIcouldrememberIfeltlikeawomanagain,abeautifulwomanwhohadthepowertoentrancea

man.AsthesheetsofcolourcascadedovereachotherIfeltthelastbitofhatetowardsCraigblinkout

likeadyingstar,hewasashallowandpettymanwithcrueltyinhisheartandhiswordsheldnomore

poweroverme.IthoughtofGunna'swordsfromearlier,“Fuckthepainaway,”shehadtoldmeandInow

knewthatitwasexactlywhatIneeded.IregrettedthemonthsIhadspentwiththeword“ugly”fillingmy

mindandstrippingmeofmyconfidence.HoweverytimeamanlookedatmeandsmiledIwouldthink

thathewasjudgingmeandsecretlyholdingbackhisdisgustatmyugliness.IhadletCraigandhiswords

holdsomuchpowerovermylifeandfortoolong.Thesnowstormandthedivertedflightnowlooked

likethebestthingthatcouldofhappenedtome.Removedfrommyoldlifeandinaplacewherenoone

knewmeIwasabletotaketheinitiativeandliveoutoneofmyoldestfantasies

NomorewouldCraigandhiscrueltyhaveaneffectonme.FromthisdayonIpromisedmyselfIwould

believeinmyselfandmaybejustmaybestarttoseethatIwasanattractivewomanwhodiddeservetobe

adoredandrespectedbymen.IknewthatthisencounterwouldbeonlyaonenightstandandinawayI

wishedIcouldtellJonaswhatwasgoingoninmymindandhowmuchthisnighthadmeanttomesofar.

JonaspulledawayfrommeandIfeltawarmthbetweenmylegs.Hepushedovertotheothersideofthe

hotpotandsubmergedhimselfuptohisshoulders.Helookedatmewithawarmsmileonhisface.“That

wasamazing,”hesaidashissmilebroadened,“youareamazing.”

I moved over beside him and put my head on his shoulders and I stared up at the sky as I became

entrancedbythewondrousflickeringinthenightsky.Thelightsundulatedandpulsedinwhatseemedlike

arandompattern,witheachpermutationmorebeautifulthenthelast.IcouldgetusedtothisIthought.Was

itreallysocrazyforablackwomantomovefromAmericaandtrytobuildanewlifeinthisbeautifuland

remote fjord in Iceland? I was not an impulsive person but already I was starting to imagine what life

would be like here. A life stripped of all the bullshit that had accumulated back home, reduced to its

simplest form and surrounded by what was important. I was already trying to figure out how to run my

businessfromhereandthought,sowhatifitsonlywishfulfilment.Isn’titgoodtodreambigItoldmyself

andIaddedhowbadcoulditbeifIalsohadmyVikingwarriorbymyside?IfI’mgoingtodreamImay

aswellhaveitall,thehouseinthefjordandthehandsomemantogowithit.

Thenoiseofclinkingglassesbroughtmeoutofmyreverie.Jonashelduptwofrostedshotglasses.We

downed another shot of the chilly Icelandic schnapps and its warmth quickly spread throughout my

system.Icouldsithereallnightlookingupatthestarswiththismanbesideme.“Whendoyouhaveto

returntotheStates?”askedJonas.

That was question for another time, right now I just wanted to enjoy the moment. I wrapped my arms

aroundthishunkofamanandbegantoslowlykisshim.Thefuturewouldhavetowait.Iwantedtofeel

himclosetomeagain,butinthebackofmymindIwasdreamingagain,addingdetailsandplansasthe

ideabegantotakerootinthefertilesoilofmymind.Couldthiscountryalreadyhavegottenaholdofmy

heartinafewshortdaysIwondered.Alightbreezeblewinfromtheseabringingthecrispscentofsalt

andifIlistenedcloselyIcouldhearthevoiceofthelandtellingmetotakeachanceandstartanewlife.

AsthevoicescryingoutforanewbeginningsrestedgentlyinmyearJonaspulledmeclosetohimandall

otherthoughtswereforgottenasourpassionsroseonceagain.

ChapterFour

My senses slowly began to awaken as the aroma of freshly brewed coffee began to drag me from my

sleep. I had been dreaming about a small wooden cabin nestled at the base of a mountain with a view

acrossapicturesquefjord.BeforethesmellofthecoffeehadawokenmeIhadbeenkneelinginagarden

plantingvegetables.ThedreamwasamillionmilesawayfrommylifeinSanFrancisco.Thatwasalife

packedwithlatenightcodingsessions,crushingdeadlinesandweekendsspentworkingandthencrashing

in front of the TV in an exhausted mess. I had been pushing the limits for a long time now as my team

readiedtheirneweductionsoftwareandthisunintendedstopinaremoteIcelandictownhadbeenmaking

metakealookatmylife.Itwasn'tonlythestunningscenerythatwasworkingitsmagiconme,itwasthe

manIspentmostoflastnightwith.

IhadspentanamazingnightwithJonasunderashimmeringdisplayofthenorthernlights.Wehadmade

crazypassionateloveinthehottub,andthenonthekitchentableandthenwehadfinallycollapsedinto

hisbedandenjoyedeachotheroncemorebeforeweslippedintosleep.Asthenighthadprogressedmore

shotsoftheicybrennivinhadbeendownedalongtheway.NowasIopenedmyeyesandtheroomtook

shapearoundmeinthegreylightIhadadullpaininthebackofmyheadandmymouthfeltdryanddusty.

MyfirstcogentthoughtwasthatIdidn’twantJonastoseemeinthisstatefirstthinginthemorning.My

second thought was that I couldn't wait to see his handsome chiseled viking visage again and my third

thoughtwas,whatifitwasonlyaonenightstandandhewantsmeoutofthehousestraightaway.Iknew

thatwastheprobableoutcome,soItriedmybestnottodwellonit.

Jonas tapped lightly on the door and entered. Any fears I had where washed away in an instant. He

beameddownatmeandsaid,“Goodmorningbeautiful”.IfeltanythingbutbeautifulatthemomentbutI

smiled at him and tried not to breath too much in his direction. I really didn't want my toxic hungover

breathscaringhimoff.

Heofferedmeasteamingcupofcoffeeandsaid“Thiswillcureanyofthebrennivinseffects.Strongdark

Icelandiccoffeeisjustwhatyouneed”.Heradiatedwarmthandhappinessanditwasinfectious.“I’lllet

yougetreadywhileIpreparebreakfast,”hesaid.

I took a sip of the coffee and my stomach growled as I swallowed. “I’m going to go in and check on

Gunna,”IsaidandIcouldfeelmyselfmatchinghissmile.

“Ok.I’llcallyouwhenbreakfastisready,”hesaidgettingupandwalkingtowardsthedoor.Hepaused

withhishandonthedoorhandleandturnedbacktome.“Aboutlastnight.Iwantyoutoknowthatsnota

usualoccurrenceforme.I’mnotsomekindofromeo.WeIcelandicmencanbeabitbluntattimes,soI

willjustcomeoutandsayit.Ireallylikeyouandifyoudidn'thavetogoIwouldwanttospendtimewith

youagain.”

I raised the mug up and took another sip, more to hide my widening smile. In my small amount of

experienceswithonenightstandstheguywasusuallylookingtogetawayfrommeasquickaspossible,

soJonascomingstraightoutwithnogameswasrefreshingandmademyheartspeedupinmychest.“I

hadfuntoo.”Hegavemeonelastdashingsmileandthenleftmeintheroom.

Isatontheedgeofbedsippingthesteamingbrew.AspromisedthecoffeeworkeditsmagicandIslowly

started to feel like a normal person again. What I wanted for the day ahead was to spend some time in

Jonas’sarmsagainbutwhatrealitydictatedtomewasthatIneededtomakemywaynorthforthemeeting

withthedeanoftheuniversity.

IcrossedthehalltoGunna'sroomandtappedonthedoorbeforeentering.ShegrinnedatmewhenIsat

downonthebedacrossfromher.“Lookslikesomeonetookmyadvise.Didyouhaveagoodnight?”she

askedinawhisper.

Ifloppedbackontothebedandstaredupattheceiling.“ItwasbeyondanythingIimagined.Thenorthern

lightsputonashowthatwentonforhours.Wehadsomedrinksandhungoutinthehotpot.”

“Icanseebyyoursmileexactlywhatyoutwokidsgotupto.I’mhappyforyou.Didthemedicinework

foryou?”Gunnaasked.

“ForthefirsttimeinalongtimeIfeltlikeawholewomanagain.Forsuchalongtimeitfeltlikeapartof

mewasmissing.Lastnightjustfelt…magical.AmImakingsense?”

Gunnasatupinherbedandpulledherthickduvetaroundher.“Youaremakingperfectsense.Icoulddo

withsomemagicinmylife.Thingscangetveryboringinmyhometown.I’mhappyforyou.

IrolledoverontomysideandlookedoveratGunnaandIcouldseewhatshesaidwasgenuine.Maybe

theIcelandicwomenwerejustasmuchstraightshootersasthemenIthought.“Jonasismakingbreakfast

areyougoingtojoinus?”

Gunnashruggedoffherthickduvetandstoodupbesidethebed.Sheshiveredwhenherbarefeettouched

the cold wooden floorboards. She was wearing matching black bra and panties and her skin was the

palestI’deverseen.Imustofbeenstaringasshesaid,“Youprobablyhaven'tseensomeonesowhite?

Notalotofsunthisclosetothearctic.Iknowsomewomenwhousethesunbedsanditjustlooksplain

weirdonanIcelandicperson.Wearemeanttobemilkywhite.”

“IseealotofpermatansinSanFrancisco,luckilyIdon'thavethatproblem.”

Gunnastretchedandgrabbedaballeduptshirtfromontopofheropenluggage.Sheslippeditoverher

headandthenstartedtorummagethroughherbag.“Icantjoinyouforbreakfast.Ineedtogetoutintothe

freshairbeforeIeat.Idoiteverydaywithoutfail.Thirtyminutesinonedirectionandthenturnaround

andcomehome.”

“Eveninthisweather?Therewasloadsofsnowlastnight,”Ireplied.

“Doesn't matter. I do it no matter what the weather is. It starts my day off proper and gives me time to

think.”Shefoundapairoffleecelinedtrousersandslippedthemon.“YouenjoyyourbreakfastandI’ll

seeyouinanhour.”Onceshewasdressed,includingabrightreflectiveharnesssheworeoverherjacket,

Gunnagavemeasmileandleft.SheshoutedacoupleofwordstoJonasinherliltingIcelandicandthen

shewasgonetobravethefreezingweather.

IgrabbedthesetoffreshtowelsJonashadleftmeontheendofthebedIneverusedandheadedtothe

small bathroom at the end of the hall. I washed and cleaned up all the while dreaming that I would

overturnmylifeandgetwhatmyheartdesired,buttherationalpartofmeknewIshouldbesensibleand

start to make plans to head north as soon as possible. No matter how my morning would go I knew I

would have to leave Isafjordur and Jonas the first chance I got. I slipped into my fluffy robe as some

wickedthoughtsspunthroughmymind.

Cleanandstartingtofeelclosertoafunctioninghumanallthankstothehealthydoseofcaffeineperking

me up I go out to the kitchen to greet Jonas. It can usually be so embarrassing the first morning after

sleepingwithaman,thatinitialdiscomfortcanfadeawayifnogamesarebeingplayedbetweenyou.The

lastfewmenIhadseenbeforeCraighadprettymuchmadeitclearthatitwasonlyaonenightstandthey

wereafter.OnthoseoccasionsIwasluckyifIevengotofferedacupofcoffeeasthemendroppedas

many hints as possible that they wanted me out of their place pronto. I would always play it off that I

wantedthesamebutwhenIwashonestwithmyselfIknewithurt,eventhoughwehadbothgottenwhat

wewantedandnowtheywantedmegonefromtheirsight.

IwouldknowprettyquicklywhatthesituationwouldbewithJonasandItriedtobuckmyselfupandnot

thinknegativelytoosoon,afterallwedidhaveanamazingnightandifthatwasallitwasgoingtobeI

coulddealwiththat,Iliedtomyself.

IwentintothekitchenandJonaswasnowheretobeseen.Iheardhisdeepgravellyvoicefromtheother

side of the room “Down here” he said. Hidden from my view by the sturdy oak table I could now see

Jonaswaslyingonthefloorunderthesinkworkingonitwithsometools.Hewasstrippedtothewaist

andhismuscledtorsoglistenedwithasheenofsweatasheworked.Icouldfeelaflashofheatacrossmy

cheeks.Istoodandwatchedhim,mesmerisedbyhistaughtbodyashecontinuedtoworkandstrainashe

triedtoloosenaboltunderthesink.AlreadydirtythoughtswerefloodingmymindandIhadn'tevenhad

breakfastyet.

“Theoutflowvalveisbusted”Jonassaid,hisvoiceamplifiedfrombeneaththesink.“I’llonlybeafew

minutes”hesaidreachinginbehindapipe.

Istoodoverhimlookingdownathisbodyashismusclescontractedintotightbandsofsteelashetwisted

partoftheplumbingoff.Jonasglancedupatmeandsaid,“You’relookingfreshfaced”.

I could feel it in my core, I wanted Jonas and I wanted him now. I had never felt this close and this

comfortablearoundamansoquickly,ifIwasn'tcarefulIwouldfallhardforthisdashingviking.Back

home I could be afraid to take the initiative, right here standing above Jonas I felt empowered and in

control.Itwasaclichethatpeopletriedtoreinventthemselveswheninadifferentcountry,ifthatwasso

Ididn'tcareasIwatchedhismuscleswork.

WithaclankandathunkJonasreplacedthepartandsaid,“Alldone”.

AsheslidoutfromunderthesinkIlookeddownathimandsaid,“Staywhereyouare”.

Heraisedhishandsupandwavedthematme.“Letmecleanupfirst”hesaid.

“You wont need your hands right now,” I said and this sent a thrilling wave up my spine. I wasn't sure

wherethiswascomingfrom,Iwasrunningonpureinstinctandlust.Helookedupatmewithaglintinhis

eyes and smiled broadly. Our eyes locked on to each other and I could almost see the crackle of

electricity spark between us. He looked at me with eyes wide and full of expectation. I was the one in

controlanditturnedmeon.

With a graceful movement I knelt and sat on his strong chest and shrugged off my robe. I was naked

underneathandatthesightofmydarkskinJonasletoutanappreciativesigh.Icouldfeelhisheartbeating

againstmythigh,eachbeatofhisheartentwinedtotherhythmofmine.TimeslowedtoacrawlasIstared

intohiscrystalcleareyes,ourgazeslockedforallofeternity.

Without breaking our gaze I slide forward on his torso the friction of his smooth white skin against my

innerfoldssendingsparksshootingoffmybody.Hisfacewasnowinchesawayfrommysilkeninsides

andbothourbreathsroseandfeelinjaggedrasps.Icouldalreadyfeelanorgasmrisinginmybodyand

hehadn'teventouchedmeyet.

Iranmyhandsdownmybodybrushingpastmyerectnipplesandthenhookedmyfingersunderhishead.I

pulledhimcloseandthenthevikinghadhiswaywithme.

His broad tongue slipped between my pussy lips and I threw my head back and closed my eyes as

flickeringlightsdancedbehindmyeyelids.Pinwheelsoflightspunandexplodedinmyheadaseachof

hislicksflickedandteasedmyclit.Iwasalreadylosingmygripandtheexpresstrainofanorgasmwas

barrelingtowardsme.Isqueezedmylegstightagainsthisheadhopingtoelongatethissweetpleasurefor

anothersecondmore.

The burly viking between my legs had other plans for me and he was going to make me cum hard. His

broad tongue slipped inside me and my body light up as if illuminated by a thousand suns. My orgasm

crashed into me and I bucked and moaned loudly with each skilful lick from Jonas and his pulsating

tongue.AsmyorgasmobliteratedmysensesacrystalclearimageofJonasandIsomeyearsfromnow,

armsaroundeachotherandsmilingfilledmymindlikeaneonsign.

Slowlytheroomcamebackintofocusandmybreathingslowedasthebeautifulmomentended.Igotoff

Jonasandlaydownonthecoldfloorbesidehim.Myskinprickledatthecoolsensationagainstmyskin.I

laymyheadonhischestlisteningtohisheartbeatslowasIwasfilledwithasenseofcontentment.This

feltright.Ihadneverfeltthiswaysofastandsointenselybeforeinmylife.Wedidnotneedtospeakand

wejustlaythereenjoyingthecloseness.EvenasIlaymyheadonhischestthehorribledistantvoiceof

doubtsoundedinthedepthsofmymind,thisisnothingmorethanaholidayflingthevoicetoldmeandI

triedmybesttoignoreit.

AsoundfromanalienplanetintrudedasadigitalbeepfilledmyearsandIrealisedIhadstartedtodoze

offonthecoldfloorinthewarmembraceofJonas’smassivearms.Jonasstirredandgotupandanswered

hisphonewhileIslippedmyrobebackon.

Hisconversationonlylastedafewminutesandhewassmilingwhenitended.“ThatwasmyfriendRafn.

Goodnewsabouttheplane,itisgoingtoleaveinthenexthour.ImgoingtomeetRafnonthewayashe

mighthavesomeworkforme.HowlongwillGunnabegonefor?”

“Anhour,”IsaidasrealityintrudedontheperfectworldIhadstartedtoconstructinmymind.

Hecheckedthetimeonhisphoneandsaid,“Ok,wehaveenoughtime.”

IrealisedinourpassionatefrenzythatIhadneveraskedJonaswhathedoesforalivingsoIbroachedit

withhim.

“I’m a life long fisherman. My father and my grandfather and going back many more generations of

Danielssons,weallworkedonthesea.Lifeontheseaisinmyblood.”

I’dguessedright,hisroughandcoursehandswherefromalifetimeofhardworkatsea.Myskinprickled

atthethoughtofhishandsonmeagain,rubbingacrossmysuppleskin.“Ibettergetready,”Isaidgetting

upandheadingtothebedroom.Itriedmybesttohidethedisappointmentinmyvoice.Onemoredaywith

Jonaswasnotgoingtohappen.

Thenexttenminuteswerespentinawhirlwindofstuffingcrumpledclothesinbags,dressingandmaking

myselflookasgoodaspossibleintherushtobeready.Gunnacamebackandjoinedmeinthefrenzyto

packourstuff.“Youdon'tlooktoohappy,”shesaidasshesqueezedherbagshutandyankedthezipper

closed.

“Thisisallendingsoquickly.Iknowitsonlybeenadaybutthisfjordandamazingsceneryhasreallygot

itshooksintomyheart.YoumightthinkI'mbeingstupidbutallIhavebeendoingisdaydreamingabout

quittingmyjobandstartinganewlifeinaplacelikethis.”

“Iceland has that kind of power over people and I’d guess its not only the landscape that has your

imaginationtwirling,”shereplied.

“Isitthatobvious?”IsaidasIfinallygotmyluggageshut.

Gunna winked at me and said, “Theres no reason you cant come back after you finish your business

meetings?Myadvicewouldbethatsometimesyouneedtotakeriskswithyourlife.Youwouldn'tbethe

firstforeignertofeelIceland'smagic.IknowafewAmericansinmytownwhocamehereonaweekend

stopoverandonthosetwoshortdaysdecidedtheywantedtolivehere.Followyourheart.”

“IfIneverseeyouagainaftertodayIwanttotellyouthatitwasapleasuremeetingyouandspending

timewithyou,”Isaid.

Gunnapattedherluggagewhenshegotthezipclosedandthensatonthebedfacingme.“Ihaveafeeling

thiswontbethelasttimethatIseeyou.”

BeforeIgotachancetoanswerandthemomentIwasdreading,thetaxiarrivedandhonkedhishornfrom

outside.

ChapterFive

We bustled out of the house and Jonas helped us with our bags in to the back of the car. A wind was

startingtocomeinofftheseaanddriftsofsnowblewacrosstheroad.Jonasgotinthefrontseatofthe

car and Gunna jumped in the back. I stood and looked across the fjord at the distant snow capped

mountainsandthegreywavescrashingonthefarawayshore.Ibreathedinthecrispcleanairandtriedto

absorb and remember every detail around me. A trunk of driftwood sat by the side of the road and a

gnarledbranchstuckupintheairlikeawavinghand.Thewoodwaspolishedandsmoothfromthesea

and the wind. I looked back at the house and noticed details I had missed on arrival last night. Hearts

were carved into the wood at intervals around the house and the front door had a heart with a flock of

ravens flying behind it carved into it by what must of been a master artisan. The wind picked up and

whistledasitcamedownfromthemountains.EachandeverydetailItriedtorememberasIturnedaway

andgotintothewaitingcab.

OnceinthetaxiIsatlookingoutthewindowasthecarwounditswaybackintothefjordandtowards

town. Everything was moving so fast and I was afraid to ask Jonas the questions battling in my mind.

Whatnext,wasthebigoneandIfeltevenfoolishthinkingtheremightbeanext.Mybraintoldmethis

wasitbutmyhearttoldmethiswasonlythebeginningofanewchapterinmylife.

I didn't want this to be nothing more then a quickie one night stand but it seemed so ridiculous to think

aboutitasanythingmore.IneededtoridmymindofallmyfancifulideasofstartinganewlifeinIceland,

and dreaming of my pale skinned viking pressed against my dark skin as we embraced in some small

woodencabindeepinafjord.IliketothinkIamusuallyapracticalandgroundedpersonwhonormally

keeps flights of fancy to to a minimum. Thinking about being held in Jonas’s arms was not helping me

forgetaboutsomeflimsyandimprobabledream.

I stared out the window as the road turned into town and we drove along a narrow street with brightly

colouredhousesofcorrugatedmetaloneitherside.Jonastappedmeonthearmanditpulledmeoutofmy

daydream. “I need to stop here and talk to Rafn and then I’ll drop you both at the airport” he said. We

pulledupoutsideaquaintlookingcoffeeshopthatwasbrightlylitinside.Itlookedliketheperfectplace

to get out of the strong blowing wind. What does he mean leave me at the airport? For a second I had

thoughtwewouldbeleavingtogetherandIwouldatleasthavethetimeontheflightbacktoReykjavikto

spendtimewithhim,butnowIrealisedthathadbeennothingmorethenwishfulthinking.

Jonasgotoutofthecabandcrossedtheroad.Thedrivertookouthisphoneandstartedtoplayagameon

it. I felt nothing but surprise when I could feel tears welling up, this wasn't like me at all I thought. I

quicklywipedthemawayandpulledmyselftogether.Gunnahadnoticedmytears.“Areyouok?”andshe

putherhandonmyshoulder.

“It’sallhappeningsofast.Idon'tknow,maybeI’mtiredfromalltheflying,”Ilied.Iwasfeelingfoolish

atmyoutburst.

“If you need a friend while you are here you can call me,” Gunna said and took a small leather bound

notebookfromherbag.Shejotteddownhernumberandsaid,“Youcallmeifyougetupnorthandwecan

hangoutsomemore.”Iwasgladforherkindwords.

IfocusedonJonasandwatchedhimthroughthewindowinthecoffeeshop.Hewentoverandtappeda

large man on the shoulder who had his back to Jonas. The man stood up and turned around and looked

veryannoyed.Itlookedlikeangrywordspassedbetweenthemandthenallofasuddentheywerehugging

andpattingeachotherontheback.

This man that Jonas was hugging was huge. He was broader and stood taller then Jonas, he had short

tousledjetblackhairandahandsomesquarejawedprofile.Hehadthefaceofamalemodelandthebody

of someone who did something very physical. I couldn't wait to tell the girls back home about the men

here,theycertainlydidn'tmakemenlikethisinSanFrancisco.Thesewhererealmenwhotookcharge,

workedhardandhadthecallusestoshowforit.

“Will you be heading straight up North when we get back to Reykjavik?” I asked Gunna turning away

from the window. Looking at Jonas was making my heart ache. I knew it wasn't something as grand as

love,itwasthefeelingofclosingadoorbeforeitevenhadachancetoopen.Leavingnowfeltlikethe

endofanewpathbeforeIhadevenstartedtowalkdownit.

“Irangafriendearlier.Ihavealiftorganisedwhenweland.ItsafishermanthatIworkwith,anoldguy

and a total sweetheart. He was in Reykjavik to see his grandkids. Its a ten hour drive but he is good

company.”

Therewasataponmywindowandthenafaceduckeddownandpeeredinatmewithabeamingsmile.It

was the man who Jonas had been hugging. His smile was dazzling and for a second he looked like a

hungrywolfandIwashisprey.Ifeltatwingeofnervesinmystomachunderthismansgaze.Ifeltwoozy

andsluggishallofasudden,Icouldfeelagiggleabouttoburstforth.HereIamagrownwomanaboutto

giggleunderthisamazinglyhandsomemansgaze.Gunnamadeawhistleofappreciation.

“Ibettergetoutandsayhello,”Isaidandtookadeepbreathandgotoutofthecar.

A voice like two slabs of granite grinding against each other came forth from this mountain of a man

standing before me. “Hi I’m Rafn and I’m like a brother to Jonas. Its great to meet you.” Usually first

introductionslikethisaremeetwithapolitehandshake.Theserulesdidn'tapplytoRafn.Hewrappedhis

armsaroundmeinahugebearhugandgavemeasqueeze.

For a split second while I was in his embrace, feeling his taught biceps pressing into me a thought

bubbled up from the depths, this is the man for me. I immediately pushed it away and was a little

disgustedwithmyself.Ifeltgreedyandselfish.IhadanamazingtimewithJonasandhereIwasswooning

likeaschoolgirlwhenthenextphysicallyimpressiveIcelandicvikingshowsmeanyattention.

Thegreedysidecouldn'tbefullysubmerged.BeforeIpushedthatpartofmeintotherecessofmymind,

shegotoffonemorelittlesalvo.Youcanhaveboth.Ifeltthrilledandashamedatthesametime.

Rafnreleasedmefromhismonsterstrongembrace.“YoureallyareasbeautifulasJonastoldme”hesaid

withawildtwinkleinhiseyesandaroguishgrin.JonasmockpunchedRafninthearmandtheysaida

fewwordstoeachotherinIcelandic.Ilovedhearingthelanguage,thewaytheyrolledtheletterRwas

musictomyears.

“Thankyou,”Isaidandtriednottogetlostinhispiercingeyes.

Jonas said “This is my very forward friend Rafn. We go back many years”. He looked at Rafn when

sayingthisandRafnreturnedhislookwithastoicnod.Jonaswenton“Thereisahugeshoalofherring

thathasmovedintooneofthenextfjordsoverfromthisone.Theherringswiminheretotrytoavoidthe

coolingseas.Rafnheadsoutnowinanhourwithhiscrewtofishthem.Iamgoingtotakehimuponthe

offertohelp”.

The darkest thoughts flooded my senses for the briefest of seconds and for one tiny moment I nearly

blurtedout“Pleasedon'tgo,cometoSanFranciscowithme.”Ididn't,IknewI’dcomeacrossascrazy.

JonascheckedhiswatchandIknewitwastimetogetgoingtotheairport.WesaidourgoodbyestoRafn,

not before he gave me one more massive bear hug. As we separated he said, “I’ll be seeing you again

SashaLeeofSanFrancisco”.Itfeltlikehespokethetruth.

We got to the small airport with only minutes to spare. The check in area was packed with yesterdays

passengersfrommyflight.MostofthemwerenotlookingtoohappyabouttheovernightstayinIsafjordur.

Icheckedmybagsinlikearobot,automaticallygoingthroughthemotions.Ididn'ttalktoGunnaaswe

queuedandIcouldn’tbeartolookoveratJonassittingonthebenchesandlookingoutattheplanebeing

prepped.Ididn'twantthemomenttocomewhenwewouldsaygoodbye.NothingIcoulddowouldslow

itdownandthenasifinaflashwewereatthedreadedmoment.GunnaandIwerestandingatthedoor

readytoboardtheplane.Shesaidhergoodbyestohimandthensaidtome.”Seeyouontheplane.”She

turnedandboarded.IthoughtIcouldhandlesayinggoodbyebutawellspringofemotionrippedthrough

mythinveneer.

“WillIeverseeyouagain”Isaidfeelingthetearsstarttowellup.

“Yesyouwill,Iamcertainofit,”hesaid.“Iwilldoanythingtoseeyouagain”hesaidandpulledme

closetohimembracingmetightly.Ibreathedindeeply,hisscentfillingmynostrilsandasridiculousasit

seemedsmellinghisdeepmanlymuskcalmedmeslightly.

Frominsidehisjackethetookoutabusinesscardandhandedittome.Thatgestureandquirkstruckme

asodd,afishermanhavinghisownbusinesscard.MaybeIwaswrongandallfishermencarriedcards,

JonaswasthefirstoneI’deverspoketo

IclutchedthecardandwekissedforwhatIhopedwasn'tthelasttime.Wekissedslowanddeep,allthe

hustle and bustle of the airport fading away as my world focused on this man. Tearfully we parted and

thenourtimewasup,Ihadtoboardtheplane.ThelastthingIsaidtohimwas“Jonas,”myvoicebeganto

quiverandIturnedandwalkedtowardstheplanenotdaringtolookbackandknowingitcouldsendme

offtheedgeandIwouldbeasobbingmess.

ChapterSix

Theplanewasbuffetedbystrongwindsasittookoffandafewpeoplegaspedastheplanewaspushed

sideways as it navigated out of the fjord. I didn't react. I sat in my chair with my head in my hands

sobbing. Gunna held my hand and said nothing. I no longer felt foolish for having such strong emotions

overaonenightstand,itwasrealandithurt.

Afterafewminutestheplanewasabovethecloudsandtheworstoftheturbulencewasover.Slowlymy

sobbingsubsidedandIunclenchedmyhandthathadbeencrushingGunna’s.Mynailshadbeenpainfully

diggingintoherpalmsthiswholetime.ShejustgavemeasmileandIknewshehadfeltthispainbefore.

In my other hand Jonas’s card was balled up. I smoothed it out and read the front. It was a simply

designedcardwithnodistractingflourishes.Ithadalltheusualdetailsandbelowhisemailaddresswas

asmalllogoofaboatwithalargebroodingvikingstandingonthedeck.ThevikinglookedlikeJonasand

itbroughtasmiletomyface.

When we landed in the single runway airport on the edge of Reykjavik city it was time for another

goodbye. We stood outside the terminal building as a strong wind whipped across us and pelted our

cheekswithshardsofhail.“IfyouneedafriendinIceland,callme,”Gunnasaidgivingmeatighthug.

For the second time in the space of a few hours I was close to tears. Toughen up I tried to tell myself,

peoplecomeandgoinyourlifeallthetimebackhome.Ididn'tknowwhyeverythingwaseffectingmeso

deeply,Icouldn'tunderstandwhatwasgoingonwithme.

WehuggedforafewmoresecondsandwhenweseparatedIsaid,“Itwasgreatmeetingyou.”Andwith

that she turned and crossed the carpark to a red pickup truck parked on the corner. A men with a grey

beard was behind the wheel and he waved as Gunna approached. They drove off as the painful hail

increasedinintensity.IstrolledtotherowofcabsparkedoutsideandIfeltheavyandtiredasIwalked.

The next two days went by in a whirl of activity and gave me little to no time to wallow in any sad

feelings. I flew north and meet with the dean of the university and he was highly impressed with the

software my team had designed. He signed the contract there and then and gave me contact details for

deans of the two main universities in Reykjavik. He was so impressed with both the product and my

knowledge of it that he promised to put a good word in with the other deans on my behalf. After our

meetingIhadtoheadstraightfortheairportandreturntoReykjavik.Inevergottoseethesmallnorthern

city and I felt a pang as the plane banked over the harbour and I wondered if Gunna was down below

workingaway.

AsIrackedupsuccessfulmeetingsinReykjavikandrelayedittometeambackhometheymadeplansfor

apartywhenIreturnedhome.Theuniversitieswouldbeourfirstpayingcustomersandpossiblythestart

ofawholelotmoreopportunities.TherewasnotimeforcelebrationinIcelandasthedelayinIsafjordur

hadmessedupmyschedule.IfIwantedtobebackinSanFranciscointimefortheholidaysIhadtoleave

now.

AllthisrushingandthevariousbusinessmeetingsIhadbeentohadkeptmymindoffJonasasmuchas

possible.MyheartachedwheneverIthoughtofhim.Ifeltfoolishforfeelingthiswaysoquickly,butI

kepttellingmyselfthatitalsolookedlikehefeltthesameway.

Icouldn'tbeartoringhimbeforeIleftIceland.Icouldn'tgothroughallthetearsagain,thatIknewwould

come as soon as I heard his voice. I would wait until I got back home before I contacted him again.

MaybewhenIgotbackhomeitwouldputthewholetripinperspectiveandIwouldrealisethatJonas

wasnothingmorethanonegreatnight.ThestressesandthesetbacksofthetripcouldbethereasonwhyI

wassoemotionalItriedtotellmyselfandonlyhalfbelievedit.

After two days of high pressure and rushing I felt exhausted and when I got to Keflevik airport for my

flighthomeallIwantedtodowasslumpinaseatandsleep.IfoundacornerwithamutedTVmounted

highonthewallandIslumpedintoachair.IhadhourstokillbeforecheckinandIwantedtoswitchmy

brain off and not think about the rollercoaster of the last few days. People bustled by pulling wheeled

luggageandtheclickclickofthewheelsbegantosoothmeandprettysoonIstartedtodriftofftosleep.

ImagesofJonascoalescedinmysleepingmind.Jonaswasstandingoutsideaburningschoolbuilding.I

was standing behind him and he turned and looked at me and then smiled. He then ran into the burning

building.Iwasrootedtothespotandcouldn'tmove.Itriedtoscreamandonlymuffledmewlingscame

out.Theflamesonthebuildingroseandtimeseemedtoelongate.HewasintheretoolongandIcould

feeladarkveilofimpendingdoominsinuateitsperniciousenergyintoeverycellofmybeing.

Theschoolhouseflaredinflamesofbrightorangeandsearingredandthenthewholebuildingcollapsed.

IcouldseesomeonemovingwithintherubbleandthistimeImanagedtoscream.

Iwokewithajoltandlookedaroundconfusedforasecond,unsureofwhereIwas.Acoldsweatran

downmyback.AnolderIcelandicwomansittingnearmereachedoverandputahandonmyshoulder

andaskedmeinbrokenenglishifIwasok.

Iheldherhandandthankedherandreassuredheritwasonlyaterriblenightmare.Fromthecornerofmy

eyesomethingontheTVcaughtmyattention.Itwasanewsprogramandareporterbundledupinwinter

gear was talking to the camera. I recognised where he was standing as one of the streets in Isafjordur

whereIhadbeendaysbefore.Ifeltabandoftensiontightenaroundmychest.

ItfeltlikeabucketoficewasthrownovermybackandIjustknewsomethingwaswrong.Thereporter

continuedtotalkastheheavysnowfellaroundhim.Thereportendedwithsomestockfootageofthetown

beingbatteredbyastormandfishermenonadocktakingequipmentoffaboat.

IcouldfeelmypanicbegintoriseandIfeltittomycorethatsomethingwaswrongasifmynightmare

hadsprungforthtocausehavocintherealworld.Ifranticallyturnedtothewomanandaskedherwhatthe

report was about. Her english was not very good and she motioned to me that she would go get her

husbandtohelp.

Shewasgonelessthenaminutebutitstretchedouttoinfinityformyjanglednerves.Thewomanbrought

backagreyhairedmanwearingatraditionalIcelandicsweater.“WhatcanIhelpyouwith”hesaidinhis

beautifulliltingaccent.Itoldhimaboutthenewsstoryandhenoddedandlistened.

Hehadcaughtthestoryearlierandasherelayedittome,myheartsunkandthenshatteredintoamillion

pieces. “The news was about a ship lost at sea yesterday. It went fishing for a shoal of herring and it

hasn't been heard from since. The weather is too bad to send the rescue helicopter out. The boat had a

crewoftenonitandallanybodycandoiswaituntilthestormends.Weareallprayingforthefishermen”

hesaid.

Ifellbackinthechairasmybodywasshakenbysobs.IknewwitheveryfibreofmybodythatJonaswas

onthatboat.WhileIstartedtocrythewomanconsoledme.

“Areyouallrightmydear?”theoldmansaidwithaconcernedlookonhisface.

I pulled my phone out and said, “I need to call my friend.” The elderly couple sat across from me as I

dialledmyphonewithshakinghands.

“IsthatyouSasha?”Gunnasaidwhenshepickedup.

“Yes,”Isaidtryingtoholdbackthetears.

“Yousawthenewsthen,”shesaidinaflattone.“Idon'tknowhowtosaythistoyouSasha,”shesaidand

paused,“Jonaswasonthatboat.Heandallhiscrewaremissingatsea.”

Thenewshitmelikeakicktothechest.MyhandsshookasIheldmyphoneup.

“IhavetogobacktoIsafjordur,Ihavetogoback”Isobbed.

ChapterSeven

Two people made a huge impact on me when I was a young girl. One stayed with me up until I was a

teenagerandtheotherleftmewhenIwaseightyearsold.AsIgetolderIhavestartedtoreflectonthe

impacttheybothmadeonme.ThefirstpersontochangemewasmyuncleTyronorbigTtohisfriends.

Mymemoriesofhimspoolbacktosomeofmyearliestrecollections.Hewasaforceinmylifeforas

longasIcouldrememberandthenjustlikethathewasgone.Hewasmymothersbrotherandwhenthe

carplantheworkedinshutdownhefoundithardtofindanewjobandhadtomoveinwithmyfamily.If

therewasanykindoffrictionwithmymotherandfatherandtheirnewlodgeritneverfiltereddownto

me.AllIrememberisthisbeingagoldenhuedperiodofmylife.Tyronhadworkedwithhishandsallhis

life,allmenialjobsfrommoppingfloorstoflippingburgers.Thepositioninthecarplantwashislongest

continuousperiodofemploymentandupuntiltheclosureitwasalifechangingjob.

The amazing thing about Tyron and I only realised this when I was older, was even though his life had

takenadownturnandhewassleepingonafoldoutbedinhissistersbasementheneverletitgettohimor

actedharddoneby.Hisbeamingpositivitywhenfacedwithhislotworkeditswayintomypersonality

andhadalonglastingeffect.

HavingTyronlivinginmyhousewaslikethewildestadventureformyyoungself.Iwouldspendwinter

eveningsdowninhisroomwhilemymotherprepareddinnerupstairsandTyronneverseemedtotireor

becomeannoyedofmyendlessquestions.ItwasthissecondtraitofhisthatmouldedmeintowhoIam

today.Tyronreadandhereadconstantlyandatanincredibleclip.Healwayshadapaperbacksticking

outofthebackpocketofhistrousersandIusedtolovewatchinghimworkinginthegardenduringthe

summerwithmyfather.Thetwomenwouldworksidebyside,cuttingthegrassandtrimmingbackthe

eversprawlingbushes.Whenitcameforabreakfromthelabourmyfatherwouldtakehistobaccotinout

ofhispocketandlightupasmoke.WhatalwaysstayedwithmewasTyronandhisbreaktimeactivity.

He’dleanagainstthecornerofourhouseinanicepatchofshadeandtakehisrolledupbookoutofhis

backpocketandstartreading.Everytimehestoppedworkinghewouldbereading,waitingforabushe

wouldbereading,atthedinnertable,afterthenews,sometimesevenashewalkeddownthesidewalkif

thebookwasparticularlygood.

He didn't discriminate on his reading material. I say him reading everything from the classics, science

books,memoirsandyellowedgedpulpcrimefiction.Hemademultipletripstoourlocallibraryevery

week.Hespentanysparemoneyhehadonbooksandanytimehesawbooksforsaleatgaragesalesor

marketshewouldbuyarmfuls.WhenIwasdowninhisroomleafingthroughthebooksinstacksbyhis

beds I would ask him endless questions and to my young mind he was a genius. If he didn't know the

answer I could be sure that when he came back from a trip to the library he would of researched it. I

loved my father but I think I loved my uncle even more in a full on childish intensity. His thirst for

informationandknowledgespoketomycoreandIwouldfindmyselfimmersingmyselfinreadingtoan

extreme. He would often tell me that he left school when he was twelve and that you should never let

anyonethinkyouarealesserpersonifyoudon'thaveapieceofpaperfromacollege.“Thesearetheonly

pieces of paper that are important,” he would say holding up a copy of great expectations and twelve

yearsaslave.“Thisisallyouneedtobetteryourselfanddon'tletanyoneelsetellyouotherwise.”He

wouldslidehislibrarycardacrosstomeandsay,“Onceyouhaveoneofthese,thereisnostoppingyou.”

I’dholdupthebluerectangleofstiffcardandrunmyfingersalongtheedgeasifIwasholdingalofta

holyrelicoranitemfromanarchaeologicaldig.

ThetimespentinmyunclesmakeshiftroomwhilehesatonhisfavouritestiffbackedchairreadingandI

sat on a squishy bean bag in the corner across from him, this was one of my most cherished memories

whenIgotolder.ItwasamemorythatcausedmenothingbutheartbreakandconfusionwhenIwasstill

young.Myunclewaspartofmylifeandthenhewasnot.

Iwassevenyearsoldwhenhesatmeontheedgeofhisbedandsaid,“Iamgoingawayforalongtime.”

Ilookedathimconfusedandtearsalreadystartedtospilldownmycheeks.“Ihavegottenajobonthe

othersideoftheworldinacountrycalledAustralia.”Ilookedathimasmytearsflowed.Iwasn'tstupid

andknewhowfarawaythecountrywas.

“Idon'twantyoutogo,”Icried.

“Ihavetogotobuildabetterlifeformyself.Icantstayhere,”hesaidmotioningtothebasementhehad

calledhomefornearlytwoyears.

“Youcanhavemyroom.Icansleepdownhere,”IsaidasItriedtocomeupwithanykindofsolution.

HelookedawayfrommeandIhadcaughttheglistenoftearsinhiseyes.Thesightofthetearsswellingat

thecuspbeforetheyspilleddownhischeekssentmeovertheedgeandIstartedwailing.Igotupfromthe

bedandkickedoneofhispileofbooksoverasIstormedoutandclimbedthestairsawayfromhim.

“Sashaplease,”hecalledaftermeinacrackedvoice,“Letmeexplaintoyouaboutthemove.”

Ididn'twanttolistenandwhenIthinkbackonitnowIcanfeelmycheeksredden.Worsebehaviourfrom

me was still on the horizon. I spent the next two days in my room alternating between crying and lying

wideeyedandexhaustedstaringupatmyceiling.EverytimeIcaughtsightofanyofthebooksthatTyron

hadgiftedmeIwouldstartupagainuntilmythroatwasrawfromemotion.

My mother and father took it in turns to try to coax me out of my room. I wouldn't listen and when my

mothertoldmeTyronwasleavingintwodaysIbecamemoreclosedoff.“Ineverwanttoseehimagain,”

Isaidwiththeferocityofachild.

OnthedayofhisdepartureIwouldn'tleavemyroomandwhenhetriedtoenterIscreamedandshouted

likeIwasbeingattackeduntilheturnedandleftwithhisheadbowedandhiseyestearingup.Islammed

mybedroomdoorandburiedmyheadundermypillowasIwailedwithabrokenheart.Itwasn'tuntilI

heardthesoundofmyfatherscarstartingupthatasmallpartofmebrokelikeabrittletwig.Ijumped

from my bed and ran down the hall to the living room. I ran to the front window and watched as my

fatherscarpulledawayfromthehouseanddroveaway.ThelastlookIgotofmyunclewasaglimpseof

thesideofhisface,hisheadwasdownandIcouldseetearsstreamingfromhiseyes.

I ran to the front door with tears spilling down my cheeks and my chest heaving as I tried to catch a

breath.Ifumbledatthedoorandmyfingerswouldn'tworkasItriedtoopenthelock.Mymotherrushed

from the kitchen and swept me into her arms as she tried to absorb all my emotions. It didn’t work. I

pressedmyfaceintomymothersneckasIweptanddidn'tstopuntilIwasnumb.

ThatnightIdreamtofmyunclerunningthroughtheoutbackofAustraliafightingacrocodilethesizeofa

bus. While he was fighting the beast a snake was wriggling across the ground and I just knew he was

goingtobitemyuncleandhurthim.Itriedtoscreamouttohimandmyvoicecameoutnolouderthana

mouseuntilIwokeupinbedsoakedinsweatandstaringintothedarknessofmyroom.

The following morning while I was eating a cereal at the kitchen table and feeling in a total daze, my

mothersatdownacrossfrommeandsaid,“Tyronlovedyouverymuch.Ithinkyoushouldgodowntothe

basement.Heleftyouagift.”

Idroppedmyspoonintothebowlwithaclatterandwalkedonwobblylegstowardsthebasementdoor.

In my child's mind I thought that the surprise was going to be Tyron sitting in his favourite chair and

ploughingthroughanotherbook.

AtthebottomofthestairsIknewhewasn'tthere.Thebasementalreadyfeltdifferent,emptyandlacking

warmth. I turned the corner and saw the gift sitting on his foldout bed, now with all the blankets and

coversremoved.IapproacheditslowlyandmadeapromisetomyselfIwouldn'tcry.

Sittingonthebedwasabookwrappedinpurpletissuepaperandsecuredwithalengthoftwine.Isaton

thebedandpickedupthegift.Icouldfeeltheweightandsturdinessofahardbackbook.Iresteditonmy

lapandlookedattheneatknotkeepingitallheldtogether.Ipulledoneendofthetwineanditopenedand

fellaway.ThepapercrinkledasIslowlypulleditopen,carefulnottoripit.Alightfragrancewaftedup

fromthepaper.IfoldedbackthelayersanditrevealedahardbackeditionofThemarrowoftradition.I

ranmyfingeralongthetitleandfollowedtheswoopsandcurlsofthecursivewriting.Theletterswere

goldagainsttheblacknessofthecoverandwhenIliftedthebookuptomarvelatthegiftIsawthatthe

pageedgeswerealsogildedingold.

Iputthebookonmylapandopenedtothefirstpageandmyheartskippedabeat.Belowthetitleofthe

bookandwritteninmyunclesbeautifulscriptwastheinscription,“Keeponstrivingtobeabetterperson.

Youholdthekeyinyourhand,fromTyron.”

Iranmyfingeracrosswhathehadwrittenandmytearsstoppedforthefirsttimeinwhatfeltlikedays.I

would never stop missing my uncle and the book he left me and every one I read after that formed a

connectionbetweenusthatdistancecouldneverdiminish.

The second person who deeply effected me was my grandmother. While my uncle opened me up to the

worldofthebrainandarichinteriorlife,myGrandmotherwasmyguideintotheworldoftheheart.On

mymoststressedoutdayswhenIthinkIambeingperceivedasanunfeelingrobotIoftenthinkbacktomy

grandmother and the weekends spent in her small bungalow. She helped me become a more rounded

personandhelpedmetoseeitwasoktopeekmyheadupfromthelatestbookIwasabsorbedinandget

involvedwiththepeoplearoundme.Shehelpedmetocomeoutofmyshellandwasjustasinfluentialon

myformativeyearsasmyuncle.

WhenIwasayounggirltherewasnothingIusedtolovemorethencurlinguponmygrandmotherslap.

ShewasknownastheindomitableMs.BillyLeetoallwhoknewherandwhileIwasonherlapIwould

listentohertellmestoriesofherlifeinafaroffdistanttimeperiodIcouldhardlywrapmyyoungbrain

around.Atimefilledwithagreatdepression,segregation,andallouthardshipforourpeople.Shewould

talkofanAmericawhichhadchangedinsomewaysandstillinothers,lurkingrightbelowthesurface

stayedthesame.

Shetoldmeabouthousesmadeofthecheapestwoodandcoveredinrigidpapersmearedintar.Endless

storms of dust that wiped clean the land as far as the eye could see. She told me the look the people

aroundherwouldget,ahungryanimaldesperationthatshehopednevertoseeagain.Shetoldmeabout

oneofthehappiestdayssherememberedwhenaboyolderthenherhadmanagedtogethishandsonacup

of sugar as white as snow. An old man by the name of Clancy Wilson showed the boy how to boil the

sugarinwaterandusetherootsofthechicoryplantforflavouring.Themixturewasboiledupoveran

openfireandwhenitbecamethickenoughthatastickstoodstraightupthemanpouredthemoltensugar

outontoasheetofmetalthathehadscavenged.Mygrandmotherandatleasttwentyotherkidswatchedas

oldClancypouredthemilkyconcoctioninathinlayeronthemetal.Theoldmanthenmadethemwaitan

agonisinghourwhenhetookthesheetawayandresteditonhisbedinhisshack.

My grandmother told me that they must of ran past old Clancy sitting on an upturned bucket outside his

shackahundredtimesinthehour,botheringhimandyellingandscreamingaboutthesugar.Attheendof

thehourhebroughtthesheetoutandthesugarhadtakenonaslightyellowhueanditshonewithahigh

gloss.

Clancyrestedthesheetacrosshiskneesandwiththehandleofhisknifeusedforwhittlinghewhackedthe

surface of the hardened sugar. It cracked like glass, with spidery fractures spread out from the point of

impact.Thekidsallleanedforwardwaitingforwhatwastocomenext.Clancybrokeoffapiecethesize

ofhisthumbnailandpoppeditinhismouth.Heletoutamoanofhappinessandthekidsleanedineven

closerwiththeirmouthshangingopen.Clancypassedeachkidoutasliverasbigasthepalmoftheirs

hands.

Mygrandmotherwouldclosehereyeswhenshespokeaboutthefirstlickofthehardcandy.Upuntilthen

shehadnevertastedsomethingsosweet.Shebitintoitandchompedonachunkofitasmanykidsaround

herdidthesame.Shethenrantotheedgeofthecampwiththestickyshardinherhandandshoweditto

hermother.Hermothertookatinynibblefromthecornerandletmygrandmotherkeeptherestforherself.

She made that shard of hard candy last for two weeks. She wrapped it in a piece of muslin and kept it

underherpillow.Everymorningbeforeshewenttofetchwaterfromthesharedwellshewouldbreakoff

a tiny piece of the sugar candy and allow it to melt on her tongue. My grandmother said that those tiny

biteseverymorningwastheclosestsheevergottopureblissinherlife.

ShewasfilledwithanendlessamountofstoriesthatIwasalwaystransfixedby.Hertaleswerefilled

with the hardships of her early life and the changes she had lived through in her life, seeing things she

neverthoughtwouldchangeandthenalsoseeingthesametraitsshiftandhideintheshadowsandnever

reallygoingaway.Shetoldmestoriesfilledwithadventureaboutrelativesfromlongagowholivedin

othercountriesandthecrueltyofthemenwhocapturedthemforprofit.Sheweavedatapestryofstories

abouttheoneswhohadcomebeforeusandourconnectiontoeachandeveryonewhohadsacrificedand

made it possible for the next generation to survive. She was a storyteller in the finest tradition and my

timewasspentwithherabsorbingthestoriesshetoldme.

I’dsitonherlapandstareupintoherlargeyellowingeyesandlistentohertellmethetaleofhowshe

meetherfirsthusband.AsthefamiliarbeatsofthestorywashedovermeI’drestmyheadonherample

bosom and listen to the slow thunk of her heart. A sound that my young ears believed had always and

would always beat its rhythm as long as the world existed. It was steady and powerful and hearing it

whenIpressedmyeartoherchestmadeeverythingrightintheworld.

Ihadheardherstoriesaboutmygrandfatheroncountlessoccasionsandwhenshestartedtotellmeone

againitwaslikeslippingintoyourfavouritewornandcomfyslippers.Iespeciallylovedhearingabout

herfirstmeetingwithmygrandfather.Whentheyfirstmethewasawiryandnervousboyofjustshyof

sixteen.Theycourtedandfellforeachotherandwithinayearbothfamiliesagreeditwastimeforthemto

marry.Mygrandmotherwouldtellmethatwhenyouareinloveeverythingcomeseasytoyou.Thebig

decisionsinherlifethatwerenowloomingonthehorizonwerenolongerscarywithmygrandfatherby

herside.AtthispointofthestoryIhuggedmegrandmotherallthetighterasIknewwhatwascoming.

Mygrandfatherhadajobinthepapermill,andheworkedtheonlypositionthatthebosswouldgivetoa

blackman.Threeweeksbeforetheweddingwaswhentragedystruck.Hisjobwastosweepandcleanup

thescrapsfromthenewlyproducedrollsofpaper.Onthisfatefulautumndaywhenoneofthemachines

brokedownhewasorderedbyawhitesuperiortoclimbintooneofthelargecuttingmachinestoremove

ablockage.ThetruesequenceofeventshaslongbeenlostorasmyGrandmotheralwayssuspectedwas

coveredupbythemenwhowitnessedit.

Whilemygrandfatherwascrawlingonhisstomachinsidethebellyofthemachinesomethingwentwrong

withit.Themachinestirredtolifewhilehewasinthecuttingchamberandabladethatcouldcutthrough

hugethicknessesofpapersliceddownandhewasinstantlykilled.

ThreedaysafterthefuneralmyGrandmotherwassittingontheporchstaringunblinkinglyattheswaying

scrubgrasswhenthetearsbrokeandherwholebodyshookwithuncontrollablesobbing.Atthatmoment

asgriefanddespairtorethroughherbodysheknewonethingwithutmostclarity.Mygrandmothersatand

staredattheworldaroundherandsheknewinherverysoulthatshewaspregnant.Ninemonthsafterthe

funeralshehadmymother.

Atthispointofthetalemygrandmotheralwayslookeddownatmeandtookmytinyhandinhergnarled

and twisted hand which looked as if it was carved from the root of some ancient tree, and tell me “In

tryingtimesyouhavetobestrong.Strengthiswhatmatters.”

SometimesattheendofthestoryIcried,notfullyunderstandingwhatitmeanttolosesomeonethatyou

loved,feelingadeeplongingforagrandfatherIwouldnevermeet.SometimesIjustcriedbecauseshe

criedasthetalewastold.NowwasthetimeIneededtobestrong.Thenewsreporthadsaidthattheboat

waslostinastormoutatseaandthattherescueeffortsweregroundeduntilflightconditionsimproved.

Letting the sadness in that was pushing at my edges would do me no good. Even though I barely knew

JonasavoiceinsidemeinsistedthatImakemywaybacktoIsafjordur,IhadtobeinthetownwhenI

foundoutanynews.

ChapterEight

IleftKeflavikairportandhailedacab.IneededtoheadbacktoReykjavikcitycentreairportandgetthe

firstinternalflighttoIsafjordur.Iwantedtobetherenomatterwhatthenewswasgoingtobe.

Thecabdrovealongtheroadwhichsnakeditswaythroughendlessfieldsofvolcanicrock.Istaredoutas

the scenery whipped by, a blur of jagged rocks interspersed with bright green moss which clung to the

sidessurvivingagainstallodds.

Theguidebookshaddescribedthevolcaniclandscapeaslunar,rightnowitfeltlikeIwasmovingthrough

hell.Facelessandunchangingwithsmallpatchesoflifeclingingtoruttedpeaks.Thisplacelookedlike

somewhereyouwouldekeoutanexistence,itwasnothinglikethebeautifullushfjordIhadbeeninonly

daysbefore.

Thesnowwascomingdownheavilyandthelightwasquicklyfading.Atthistimeofyearthesunjutted

abovethehorizonforahandfulofhoursandthenwasgone.Thewholeplacewasbathedinawashedout

lightthatmadeitfeellikeyoulivedinanendlessdusk.

Snowclungtosomeoftheharshjaggedrockssofteningtheoutlineslightly.Idarklythoughttomyselfthat

the softer curves looked like dead bodies laid out on the ground with a sheet haphazardly thrown over

them.

Myeyesglazedattheendlessmonotonouslandscape.Ifeltalienanddisconnectedfromeverythingaround

me.OnlydaysbeforeIhadfeltadeepconnectiontothisland,anancientstirringinmysoulwhenIhad

seenthewideopenvistasofthefjordsandthedazzlingdisplayofnorthernlightsinthenightsky.NowI

feltnothingbutanimositytothisforeignlandanditsharshweather.Theverylandscapewhizzingbythe

cabswindowfeltlikeathreattome.Thesharprocksseemedtobegoadingmeintheirsilentwitness,you

arenotcutoutforthetrueharshnessofthisland.Thisisthetruefaceofthistinyislandnestlingupagainst

thearcticcircle.MyresolvefadedwitheverymilewedroveandbythetimeIcouldseethelightsofthe

cityinthedistanceIfeltthoroughlydefeated.

AnhourlaterIwasbackinthetinyReykjavikcitycentreairportwithaflightbookedtoIsafjordur.Ihad

twohourstokillandthethoughtofsittinginthecrampedwaitingareaandcatchingtheopenstaresfrom

thelocalsdidnotsoundappealing.Icheckedmybagsandwentoutsidetoexplorethesurroundingarea.

WheneverIwasstuckonaparticularlyhardcodingproblemIalwaysfoundthebestwaytosolveitwas

toleavemydeskandtakeastrolldowntothesmallparknearouroffice.Iwouldpushthepieceofcode

thatwasgivingmehelltothebackofmymindandthenswitchintowhatIcalledautomode.I’dletmy

mindgoblankandthenwalkatabriskpacearoundthepark.Ididthisinallkindsofweatherandusually

by the third or forth circuit of the park an idea would bubble up and I would have a new solution or a

novelwaytocodearoundmyparticularproblem.Thephysicalactofwalkingalwaysworkedforme,it

bothcalmedmymindandsharpeneditsfocus.Ineededthefreshaironmyfaceandmymusclesworking

todragmyselfoutofthepitIwassinkinginto.

Icrossedacoupleofstreetsatrandomandwasnowinautomodewindingmywaythroughthecompact

streetsthatsurroundedtheairport.MentallyIwaslayingdownatrailofbreadcrumbssothatIcouldfind

my way back easily. The houses on the street were all painted bright colours and clad in corrugated

siding. This was the traditional Icelandic style of house and most houses in this area looked like this.

MaybethebrightcolourswasthelocalsdefenceagainstthelongdarkwintersIthoughtasIwalked.

OneverycornerIturnedtherewasusuallyalargecatwaitingtogreetmeashesurveyedhissurrounding

kingdom. The snow had stopped falling and there was a light dusting on the ground. Trails of cat paw

printsintersectedandwoundtherewaythroughthesnowastheanimalsrangedacrosstheirdomains.

The chill air against my skin felt good and I could feel my anxiety level drop with each new block I

passed.Ididn'tknowwhattoexpectwhenIwouldlandinIsafjordurorevenwhoIcouldtalktobutI

knewIhadtobetherewhenIfoundoutJonas’sfate.Itookhisbusinesscardoutofmypocketandkissed

itgently,IwouldseehimagainItoldmyself,hopingItwasnotinvain.

The sky was a sapphire blue as the plane banked hard towards the small airstrip in the wide mouthed

fjord that Isafjordur town was nestled in. The plane touched down gently and with no drama. Within

twenty minutes I was off the plane and in a taxi heading towards the only hotel in the centre of town.

Fatigue was starting to fray the corners of my mind so I checked in and collapsed on the bed and slept

untilmorning.

Mydreamswherepepperedwithscenesoftinyfishingboatsbeingengulfedbyhugesuckeredtentacles

wrappingthemselvesaroundtheboatandpullingthevesseldownintothechurningdepths.Menroared

and stabbed at the slimy tentacles to no avail. The ship cracked and snapped in two as it was dragged

underandthesoundofmensgurglinggaspsastheydrownedawokemewithajoltfrommyslumber.

EverythingwasdarkandIgroggilycheckedmyphoneforthetime.Itwas10:22A.M,Isilentlycursedthe

long Icelandic winter mornings. I put on the TV and checked the local news. The overly tanned

newscaster spoke Icelandic over a clip of kids throwing snowballs at each other. I watched for a few

minutesandtherewasnomentionoftheboat.Istaredatmyphoneinmyhandasthebrightlightstungmy

sleepyeyes.IttookafewsecondsformybraintoregisterandthenIpeckedoutanemailtomyteamback

home.Igavethemthegoodnewsaboutournewclientsandleftoutanymoredetails.Iendedtheemailby

telling them I might be spending the holidays in Iceland. I winged off a couple of emails to family

memberslettingthemknowIwasokandImightnotbeonlineonChristmasmorningforourannualgroup

videochat.Overtheyearsmyfamilyhadspreadouttoallcornersofthestatesandwedidn'talwaysget

together to celebrate. On the years that we could all be together we had made it a tradition to spend at

leastanhourinthemorninginabigchaoticvideochat,filledwithpeopletalkingoveroneanotherand

sometearfilledeyesasithitsomethatavideoonascreencouldneverreplacebeingalltogether.When

the last email was sent with a whoosh and all obligations meet my sense of disconnection hit me full

force.Iwasuntetheredfrommylifeandunsurewhatthenextfewdayswouldholdforme.

Back home my life was so regimented. My work schedule was planned out months in advance as we

tackledeachmoduleinourapplication.Mysociallifewasnodifferentandsittingallaloneinahotelin

ruralIcelandIrealisedthatallspontaneityhadbeensuckedoutofmylife.Iwasbeholdentoanelectronic

calendarwitheverydayaccountedfor.Maybethisstiflingconformitywaswhatwasmakingmewantto

packitallinandliveinsucharemoteplaceormaybeitisbecauseofJonasIthoughtandfeltatightness

inmychest.

Icouldalsofeeladullacheinmyjointsandmybodyfeltlikeithadbeencastoutoflead.Everything

lookedgreyandwashedouttomeandIcouldfeeldreadnippingatmyheals.Iamarationalandlogical

person I told myself, don't panic until you know more. I did not want to waste mental cycles on an

outcomeIcouldnotcontrolItoldmyselfasItriedtoapplythecoldlogicofprogrammingtomylife.In

the real world I knew the unexpected happened and unlike when programming, I couldn't go back and

tinker with some lines of code to produce another outcome. Maybe thats why I loved to live in the

structuredworldoftechsomuch,Icouldn'thandletheuncertaintyofreallife.IneededtochangethisI

knew.Ibreathedindeeplyafewtimesandreadiedmyselftofacetheworldandheadeddownstairsto

thereception.

AsIwalkeddownthecorridortowardstheelevatorJonas’sfaceflashedintomymindforthebriefestof

seconds. It was not the face of the caring handsome man that I had spent an amazing night with. What I

imaginedwasthebloatedandgreypallorofsomeonewhohaddrownedatsea.Mylegsfeltweakanda

coldsweatdrenchedmybody.Isteadiedmyselfagainstthewallandsaidoutloud“Pullyourselftogether

Sasha”.

ThenightmareimagerecededandImademywayslowlydownstairs.Theladyinreceptionworeacrisp

bluesuitandthecolourmadeherpaleIcelandicskinlookallthemoretranslucent.ThelongerIspentin

thiscountrythemoreIwitnessedthatitwasn'tjustthelandscapethatwasstunning.

“HowareyouthismorningMs.Lee?”shegreetedmeinhersingsongenglish.

“Icouldbebetter.Isthereanynewsabouttheherringboatthatwentmissingafewnightsago?”Iasked.I

noticed that her eyes looked tired and ringed in red and even the liberal amount of makeup she wore

couldn'thideit.BeforeshespokemystomachlurchedandIknewbadnewswascoming.

“Latelastnighttheyfoundmostofthecrew.Therescuehelicopterwasabletoleaveyesterdaywhenthe

stormstopped.Theshiphadgonedownclosetoshoreandthecrewswamtosafety.Themenmadetheir

waytoanabandonedmountainhutneartowheretheylandedandstayedputuntiltheywhererescuedlast

night.Twoofthecrewarestillmissing,”shesaid.

IdugmynailsintomyhandsbeforespeakingandIcouldalreadyfeelmybodybegintoshake.“DidJonas

Danielssonmakeitashore”Isaidhearingthequiverinmyvoice.

“I don't know that as they haven't released the names on the news yet. The crew is still in the hospital.

Theysufferedsomehypothermiaanddehydration.Thelatestreportthismorningwasthatafulllistofthe

menwhowererescuedwillbereleasedtothemediaatnoon,”shesaid.

IneededtogettothehospitalasquicklyaspossibleotherwiseIwouldbeconsumedbythisfeelingof

dreadandIwouldn'tbeabletofunction.Ijustwantedtothrowmyselfontothefloorandcry.BestrongI

toldmyselfthisisallatest,atestofyourstrength.Ithoughtofmygrandmotherandherwisewordsabout

trying times and I tried to do her proud by holding myself together. I was helping no one if I let the

darknessseepinandallowedmyselftobecomeanemotionalwreck.

ChapterNine

Avacantcabwaswaitingoutsidethehotelandweheadedtothehospital.Thetownwascoveredwitha

blanketofsnowandcolouredlightsblinkedfromshopwindows.Withinfiveminuteswewhereoutside

the hospital, a large imposing grey building. It was so solidly and plainly built that it stood in stark

contrasttothesmallcolourfulhousesthatcrowdedthetowncentre.Thebigblockygreybuildinglooked

morelikeacementfactorythanaplaceofhealing.

Istoodattheentrancebreathingdeeplyandreadiedmyselffortheworst.Theyoungreceptionistdidn't

havethenamesoftherescuedfishermenanddirectedmetothewardtheywherein.

Ifollowedthegreenlineonthewallthatleadtothefishermen'sward.Iknewwitheachstepalongthe

corridorIwasgettingclosertoamomentofchangeinmylife.Onepathleadtoameadowofsunshineand

chirping birds swooping through the air and the other path lead its way through a dark decaying forest.

TimeslowedasImoveddownthecorridor,eachclickofmyhealonthefloorcausedmetoballmyfists

tighter and my nails dug crescent moons into my palms. At that moment I knew that he didn't make it, I

couldfeelthisknowledgepushingdownonmyskull.Crushingmewithitsweightandgrindingallhope

outofme.Ihadneverfeltmorecertaininmylifeaboutanythingandalllogicandrationalityhadleftme

farbehind.IknewthatJonaswasgoneandasIgotclosertothewardIcouldfeelmyselfslowingdown

as this horrible idea gripped on to my imagination. Jonas was lost at sea that much I was certain of. I

swallowedhardasItriedtoholdbackthetears.

I turned the corner and Jonas was standing at the far end. I could feel tears stinging my eyes and I

increasedmypace.Hewasonthephoneandhelookedup.ItreallywasJonasandasmileengulfedhis

facewhenheseenmebarrelingtowardshim.Myheartachedaswedrewcloser.Jonasopenedhisarms

wideandhehadtearsinhiseyestoo.Hewrappedhismassivearmsaroundmeandpulledmeclose.I

heldhimastightasIcouldandsobbedintothewarmthofhisneck.“IneverthoughtI’dseeyouagain,”I

saidbetweensobs.

“Me too” he said. My heart rose and soared above the clouds and colour returned to the world.

EverythingsnappedbackintoplaceandIfeltlikeIwashomeandsafewhileinhisembrace.

Heranhisworkhardenedhandalongmycheekandtiltedmyfacetowardshim.Ourlipstouchedandit

waslikeanelectricshockwassentthroughmybody.Ipulledhimcloseandranmyfingersthroughhis

hairandkissedhimdeeply.Iknewitrightthenstandinginthatantiseptichospitalcorridor,Iwasfalling

inLovewithJonasandfallingforhimhard.Therationalpartofmeknewitwasallhappeningtoofast,

but the cold voice of reason was losing against the warm feeling inside me. As we kissed it was the

intensityofmyfeelingsthatblottedoutanyrationalvoiceinmyhead.Ihadleadmylifeinasequenceof

measured risks, never taking too much of a chance. Now as we kissed and my heart swelled with

happiness I knew that I had to change, I had to be more like my grandmother and follow my heart no

matterwhattheconsequencescouldbe.NomoresecondguessingmyselfIthought.

Thesoundofclappingdraggedmeoutoftheblissfulfeelingaswekissedandwhenweseparatedwesaw

a small bunch of doctors and nurses standing around clapping and cheering. Jonas beamed and it was

infectious.Iletoutanuncontrollablelaughasthelastofthetensionleftmybody.

“Leaveusaloneyouperverts,”Jonassaidandeveryonelaughed.

Jonasleadmetohisroomandwesatonthebed.Heheldmyhandsandlookeddownathislap.Icould

seehewasbuildinguptotellingmeeverything.

“Youdon’thavetodothisnow,”Isaidandrubbedthestubbleonhischeeks.

HelookedupatmeandIknewhehadtotellme.“Itwashorrible.Wewereallinourbunkswhentheboat

driftedandhitsomerocks.Itallhappenedsofast.Wewereinthewaterandonlysomeofushadmanaged

tograboursurvivalsuits.Inthosetemperaturesyoucouldbedeadwithinminuteswhenyouhitthewater.

We were lucky the boat had crashed not too far from shore and eight of the crew of ten made it to the

shoreline.Weneverseentheothertwo.ItwasRafnandayoungguywhowasn'tveryexperiencedatsea,

hewasonhiswinterbreakfromuniversityandjoinedusforsomeextracash.Oneoftheotherguysknew

roughlywherewehadlandedashehadhikedextensivelyaroundtheareaeveryyearduringthesummer.

Heleadustoamountainrescuehutafewkilometresaway.Bythetimewegottheremostofushadno

feelingsinourfeetorhands.Wegotafiregoingandkeptwarmasbestaswecould.Thenextmorningthe

helicopterfoundus.”

Hepausedforaminutestaringoffintothedistance.IknewifIlookedhimdirectlyintheeyeIwouldstart

cryingagain.Hemustbebrokenupinsideabouthisfriend.IhadonlyseenhiminteractwithRafnfora

fewminutesandduringthatglimpseIhadseenthattheyhadtheclosenessoftwobrothers.Ireachedout

andtookhishandinmine.

Hecontinued“IfanybodycanmakeitoutthereinthatharshweatheritsRafn.Imnotgoingtogiveupon

thattoughguyyet.HeisasurvivorandIhaveneverseenanythingbeathimbefore.RememberItoldyou

abouttheschoolhousefire?”Inodded.

“Hewastheonewhosavedme.Ifitwasn'tforRafnIwouldn'tbeheretoday,”Jonassaidandclenched

hisjaw.“Imanagedtofindthemissingkidhuddledbehindapianointhemusicroom.Ipickedhimupin

myarmsandmademywaybacktowardsthefrontdoor.Bynowthehaironmyheadwasstartingtosinge

andmylungsfeltliketheyweregoingtoburstintoflames.Iwasonlyafewfeetfromthedoorwhenpart

of the roof collapsed pinning the kid and I underneath the heavy oak beams. I struggled to lift them but

couldgetnoleverage.”

Jonasliftedmyhandtohislipsandkissedthebackofitbeforecontinuing.“Ifaceddowndeathandknew

this was the end for me. My world was beginning to fade to black when through the billowing smoke

cameRafn.Hewedgedhimselfundertheburningbeamsandliftedthemoffofusandthendraggedbothof

us coughing and spluttering into the light. Rafn collapsed beside us, his back was badly burned and he

spentthenextthreeweeksinthehospitalgettingtreated.Iwasinforaweekandluckilyhadn'tbeenas

burntashim.Thekidthankfullywasok.IvisitedRafneverydayandhelpedhimthroughthehardroadto

recovery.ThatmanislikeabrothertomeandIowehim.ImgettingaboatandIamgoingtogolooking

forhim.IowehimmylifeandIknowhewoulddothesameforme.”

Iwantedtoprotest,IhadjustgotJonasbackandnowhewasgoingtoheadoutontotheseaagain.Iknew

anythingIwouldsaywouldbefutilesoIjustsaid“YouareagoodmanJonas”andIkissedhimtenderly

onthecheek.

Heheldmyfaceinhishandsandlookeddownatme.“Iamcomingbackdon’tyouworryaboutthat.I

don'tthinkthereisaforceinthistinyarcticcountrythatcouldkeepmeawayfromseeingyouagain.”

“Promise,”Isaidfightingbacktears.

“Ipromise,”hesaidwithaseriouslookonhisface.

We checked out of the hospital and were in a taxi once again as it made its way along the thin strip of

blacktopthatclungtothesideofthefjord.Theseawascalmwithsmallwhitebirdsbobbingalonginthe

currents.Chunksoficeofdazzlingwhitemovedslowlyinthecurrentsandinplacesathinlayerofice

thatlookedlikeitwasmadeoffrostedsugarbobbedupanddownwiththegentlerollofthewaves.

WepulleduptoJonas’ssmallwoodenhouseandgotout.WasitonlyafewdaysagothatIwasfirsthereI

thought. With everything that had happened It felt like another lifetime ago. My rush of meetings at the

universities and the pride I’d felt at closing the deals seemed so far away now. All thoughts of my

businessandteambackinSanFranciscohadbeenforgottenaboutassoonasIhadgotthehorriblenews

aboutJonas.AsIstoodbreathinginthecrispfreshairofthefjorditfeltlikethiswasthefirsttimeindays

thatIcouldbreathwithoutatightbandoftensioncompressingme.IneverdreamedIwouldbebackhere

sosoonandmyeyessoakedupeverylittledetailoftheplaceagain.

ThetaxipulledawayandJonasliftedmeintohisarms.Withhismassivestrengthheheldmealoftwith

ease.Inuzzledintothewarmthofhisneck.“I’mreallygladyoucameback,”hewhisperedintomyear.

“IneverthoughtIwouldseeyouagain,”Ireplied.

OnceacrossthethresholdIfeltarisingwarmthinmystomachandmycheeksbrieflyflushed.Allthepain

andanguishofthepasthoursslippedawayandIwantedtobeclosetoJonasagain.

Wedidn'tneedtospeakandhecarriedmeintothebedroomandloweredmetothebed.Hebenttokiss

me and I greedily pulled him close to me. Our tongues danced across each others and my senses were

filledwiththetasteofthisvikingman.Jonastrailedhiskissesdownmybody,hiswarmlipsandtongue

leavingasweetticklingsensationastheymoveddownmystomach.

Myclotheswerenomatchforthevikingandwithacoupleofswiftmovesheslippedmyskirtandpanties

off.Ithrewmyheadbackwaitingforwhatwasabouttocome.Heopenedmylegsandrankissesupmy

thighs and when he reached my silken folds he flicked his tongue across the surface. I let out a long

appreciativemoan.Mytoescurledatthesensation.WhenhistongueslidintomeIbuckedupoffthebed

andletoutalongsigh.AllthetensionleftmybodyasJonasmasterfullyusedhistongueandfingerson

me.Icouldfeelmyselfabouttopeakalreadyasheworkedhismagiconme.Iwantedhiminsidemewhen

IreachedmyclimaxandIreacheddownandranmyfingersthroughhishair

Ipulledhimtowardsmeandwefumbledwithhisbeltbuckleandheroughlypulledoffhistrousers.Jonas

roseupandwelockedeyes.Nowordsneededtobesaid.Icouldseehefeltthesameasme,thiswas

more then just animal lust. This was a real moment of connection between us, all fears about it being

nothingbutaonenightstandevaporatedlikesteam.

Jonas slid into me smoothly and we both moaned at the exquisite sensation. I could already feel my

orgasmabouttopeakandmybreathstartedtocomeinraggedbursts.Jonasspeeduphisthrusts.There

would be time for long passionate love making sessions once we quenched our burning need for each

other.Rightnowwebothneededthisandeachothermorethananythingelseintheworld.

Our eyes never left each other. My orgasm slammed into me and I let out a series of moaning gasps.

Jonas’seyestwinkledwithamischievousandsatisfiedglean.Hehadbeenholdingonforthismoment.

Hishipthrustsspeedupandhecameinmeasmybodywasilluminatedupbytheradianceofmyorgasm.

Mybodyhummedwiththepleasurecoursingthroughme.

Heslowedhispaceasthepeakofourcombinedpleasurebegantoebbaway.Jonasrolledoverbeside

meandheldmeinhisarms.Ilaymyheadonhischestandlistenedtothesteadybeatingofhisheart.

As the druggy relaxed post lovemaking euphoria set in Jonas said, “Sasha I’d love if you could stay in

Isafjordur for some more time. I don’t want to scare you off with how sudden this all is, I’m falling in

lovewithyou.”

Hisheartbeatspeedupwhenhesaidthosewords.Minewasbeatinglikeadruminmychestandawave

ofhappinesswashedoverme.Howcouldthisbehappeningtomesoquickly?Iwasneverthisirrational

backhome.IhadalifeinSanFrancisco,asteadyjob,asmallgroupofreliablefriendsandthenextfive

yearsallmappedoutbeforeme,couldIreallygiveitallupIthought.ThenIrealisedthatIhadonlyever

been living a half life back home, one filled with productive days and very little left in the margins.

Maybeitwasthepartofmethatenjoyedcodingsomuchthathadmademestructuremydailyroutinelike

itwasaproblemthatneededtobesolved.Programminghadthoughtmetobeflexiblewhenfiguringouta

unique solution to a problem but I had never done that in my own life. I had been living a safe and

premeditatedexistencewithcolouredlabelsonacalendardictatingwhatIwasgoingtodoonanygiven

day. The trip to Iceland was the first time uncertainty had been introduced into my life and the whole

experiencehadbeenanawakening.EvenatthetimeswhenIwasthemostdistraughtaboutJonasIknew

thatthisiswhatlifeisabout,thehighsandthelows.Ihadspenttoomuchtimebackhometuningmylife

sothateverythingwasastraightlinewithnodeviation.Ihadbeenlivingagreylifefilledwithastifling

structureofmyownconstruction.IcelandwasthefirsttimeIgotthechancetobreakfreeandseewhata

fulllifecouldbe.IknewwhatIwasgongtosayandanyconcernsevaporatedlikesnowflakesinthesea.

“Iloveyoutoo”Ireplied.

Wesatupinthebedandheldeachotherforawhilewithoutsayinganythingmore.Itfeltright,thiswas

whereIshouldbe.Allpracticalconcernsseemedmeaningless.Iwantedtospendmylifewiththisviking

man.

Wemadeloveagainandthistimeitwasslowandpassionate,theanimalintensityofbeforetemperedby

my deep feeling for him. I loved Jonas and he loved me. The simplicity of the feelings brought a new

depthtoourlovemaking.

LaterwhileJonaswasmakingusastrongcupofblackcoffee,mymindwandered.Ithoughtabouthow

differentmylifewouldbeinthisfjordcomparedtomyhecticlifeinSanFrancisco.Therationalsideof

mybrainwasalreadyworkingouthowIcouldrunmyteamfromthisremotelocationandtheemotional

partwasdreamingaboutthenewfulllifeIcouldleadwithJonas.

WesatquietlydrinkingourcoffeeandIdreadedthemomentthatwascoming,Iknewwhathewasabout

tosayevenbeforeheutteredthewords.IknewthekindofmanhewasandIwouldn'thaveitanyother

way. Jonas stood up and said “I am going to the harbour now and I’m going to set sail and find Rafn.

ThereisonlyafewhoursofdaylightleftIwillnotbegoneforlong.”

Arguingwithhimwouldofbeenpointless.Jonaswasabraveandhonourablemanandleavinghisfriend

strandedoutinthewildsofthefjordswasnotanoptionforJonas.Alessermanwouldofturnedhisback

believingnothingcouldbechanged.IcouldseeJonaswasnotreadytogiveuponhisfriendandhewould

notrestuntilhewassafeonshore.

We embraced tightly and Jonas said “I love you”. I don't think I could ever get bored of hearing those

wordsfromhimandmyskinprickledwhenhesaidthem.

“Iloveyoutoo”Isaidandheleft.

ThistimeIknewhewouldbeback.Iwouldnotallowmyselftothinkdarkthoughts.Jonaswasmybrave

vikingheroandIwashisAfricanAmericanqueen.Nothingcouldkeepusapartnow,Icouldfeelitinmy

hearteverytimeIthoughtabouthim.IsatinthesmallkitchendrinkingstrongblackcoffeeandIcounted

theminutestohisreturnandforthestartofmynewlifeinIcelandtobegin.

ChapterTen

TwoWeeksFromNow

Thegraveyardwasnestledagainstthegentlecurveofthebaseofthemountain.Aswastraditionallofthe

crosses marking the graves were made of wood reclaimed from the sea. No stone structures had been

erected in the graveyard in the three hundred years that the site was used for burials. The first settlers

made simple markings out of driftwood collected from the shore as raw materials were few. The first

people who settled this land also faced another problem, there was a lack of usable stone to build

dwellings with. The first houses built were simple constructions made out of mud bricks and covered

withalayerofsod.Whenthefirstroadsopenedtothemainlanditwasstilltooexpensivetotransport

headstones made out of granite and so the people of the fjord, without saying a word to each other,

decidedthattheywouldcontinuethetraditionoftheoriginalsettlersandonlyusesimplewoodencrosses

tomarktheirlovedonesfinalrestingplaces.

Lifeinthefjordwashardforthefirstsettlers.Longwintersandverylittlelandtocultivateforfarming

meant that the bounty of the sea was what allowed them to survive. Journeys out past the protective

mountainsofthefjordsandintotheopenseaweretakeninthedepthsofwinterandatagreatcost.As

timemovedonandthemudbrickhousesofthepasteventuallychangedtothewoodenframedstructures

of present day, one thing stayed the same. The call of the open sea and the lure of the flicker of silver

shoalsbeneaththechurningsearemainedaconstant.Thefjordswereaplacesteepedinsorrowasevery

generation lost their strongest to the clawing grasp of the open waters. Even as the towns of the fjords

shrunkaspeoplemovedtothebigcitiesandawayfromalifeonthesea,therewasstilladedicatedfew

thatwishedtokeeptheoldtraditionsgoing.Andlikeeverygenerationbeforeitthisonewouldalsosuffer

greatlossesfromtheendlesssurgeofthewideopenwaters.

Sashablinkedawaythesnowflakescatchinginhereyelashesandconcentratedatafaroffpointoutside

the bounds of the graveyard. At the sharpest angle of the mountain huge earthen banks had been

constructedtosweepanyavalanchesawayfromthehousesinitspath,andtodiverttheflowofsnowout

intothesea.Assheconcentratedonthepeakofoneoftheslopingbanks,threeravensroseinunisonwith

wingsoutstretchedandglideduntiltheywereobscuredbyanotherwalloftheavalanchebarrier.

A woman blew her nose into a crisp white handkerchief and Sasha turned away from the bright white

snowandmadeherselflookatthedarkoblongcutintothefrozenearth.Apileofsoilwaisthighandwith

ashovelstickingfromitspeakwasdustedwithasugarfrostingofice.Sashalookedatthehandleofthe

shovel and she felt tears begin to well up as she noticed the scuffed and worn marks on the wood. It

almostlookedlikefingershadmadesmoothgroovesinthehandlethroughyearsofuse.Howmanygraves

hadthebladeoftheshovelduginitslifetime.Howmanytearshadbeenshedbeforeitasitwaitedfor

humanhandstopickitupandbegintheprocessofshovellingtheearthbackintothehole.

The three ravens appeared in the distance and turned in a wide arc and headed in the direction of the

graveyard.Themiddleravenmadeaclickingsoundliketheturningofatumbleronasafedoorandthe

othertworavensreturneditscallwithdeepthroatyclicking.Atallmanwithasuitthatwasfrayedatthe

cuffslookedupatthebirdsastheyflewoverhead.Hefollowedtheirprogressastheyflewtowardsthe

redroofedchurchandthenonwardstowardsthefishdryingshacksattheedgeoftown.

Sashalookedoutacrossthegraveyardatthewoodencrosses,anythingsoshewouldn'thavetolookatthe

blacknessofthewaitinggrave.Thecoldwindblowinginfromtheseapenetratedhertoherbonesandall

thelayersshewaswearingseemedtohavenostoppingpower.Thecoldwasinherandsheshiveredand

struggledtoholdbacktearsasshethoughofthecoldnessoftheopenearthandthefinalrestingplaceof

alltocome.

Hesqueezedherhandanditbroughtherbackfromtheedgeoftears.Hisbulkwaslikeawallagainstthe

oncomingattackinghordesofgriefanddisbeliefthatthiswashoweverythingwouldturnout.Heputhis

armaroundherandshepulledinclosetohim,needingthecontacttohelphermakeitthroughtheday.His

bodyemanatedheatlikeastoneinafireplace.Itwasaconstantblastofwarmthandsheallowedhimto

holdhertight,toholdhertogetherthroughthisday.

Thetwentyorsowaitingpeopleweresilentuntilthegatetothegraveyardsqueakedonitshingesandthe

hearsedrovealongtheruttedroadandthenparkedclosetotheburialsite.

EvenwithtwopairsofglovesonSasha’shandswereshaking.Shestuckthemdeepintoherpocketstotry

tostopit.

“Doyouwantthese?”heaskedpeelinghisglovesoff.Hishandswerestillbandagedacrosshisknuckles

fromhiswounds.

Sashatookthemoffhimwithoutspeakingandslippedherhandsintothem.Shecouldn'tspeak.Sheknew

if she uttered a word she would immediately lose control and start weeping. She looked up at him

towering above her and blinked away snowflakes without saying anything. He looked down at her and

gaveheraweaksmile.ThebrashfriendlymanfromamonthagowasgoneandSashacouldseethepain

etchedinhisface.HewasstrongbuthealsoneededSashatobestrongforhim,sheknewthislookingat

him.Sheknewhewouldneveraskforherhelpdirectly.

“Wecangetthroughthisdaytogether,”Sashasaidinalowvoice.

He gave her shoulder a squeeze and then looked off across towards the mountains as the coffin was

carriedfromthehearseandplacedbesidethegrave.

ChapterEleven

PresentDay

Sashasatin the smallcozy kitchen andstared out at theswirling snow. Hervision jumped and strobed

withtheeffectsofcountlesscupsofstrongIcelandiccoffee.Shehadnoideahowlongshewassittingin

thekitchenstaringoutintotheblackness.Theonlymarkerofthepassageoftimewastheemptycupsitting

beforeherandtheritualofbrewinganotherpot.Jonascouldbegoneanhourorhecouldbegoneforever,

Sashawasnumbtothepossibilities.Sheknewhehadtobravethebadweatherforhisfriend,noamount

of her trying to dissuade him would of worked. Sasha knew that already about Jonas, he had a strong

moralcompassandhewascompelledtogosearchingforRafn,evenaftertheofficialsearcheshadbeen

calledoff.

As she sipped on another steaming hot mug of coffee Sasha followed the swirling patterns in the storm

outside.Itwaspitchblackoutandathicklayerofcloudobscuredthestars.Frombehindarollingbankof

clouds a dim glow could be seen, as if someone was shining a torch through a layer of fluffy cotton. It

could be the middle of the day or I could be in the depths of the night Sasha pondered as the blizzard

outsideseemedtocoalesceandformaswirlingconethatfocusedherattention.

A memory that hadn't surfaced in decades formed as she stared at the swirling mass outside and Sasha

closedhereyesandretreatedintoacherishedmomentfromherpast,atimewhenheruncleloomedlarge

inherlifeanditlookedlikehewouldalwaysbeapresencewhobroughthappinesstoher.Hismoveto

Australiaandthepainitcausedwasstillsometimeaway.

Sashaflungopenthedoortothebasementandbegantogodownthestairs,slowandcarefulashermother

hadshowedher.Whensheturnedthecornerattheendoftheshortcorridor,therehewas,heruncleTyron

sittinginhisfavouritereadingchairwithhisfeetproppedupandabookinhishand.Sashastoodinthe

doorwaywithoutsayingawordandwatchedherunclereaduntilhefinishedthepageandthenhelooked

upatherasasmilecrackedacrosshisface.

HissmilequicklyfadedwhenhesawSasha’sdownturnedeyesandthestressfurrowinghersevenyear

oldbrow.“Whatisit?”heaskedinhiswarmvoice,adeepbaritonethatremindedSashaoftherumbleof

anapproachingtrain.

Sasha looked up at him and then quickly diverted her eyes. “ Mary Jane Pupkin told me that reading is

dumb.Shecalledmeageekwhenshesawmereadingatlunchtime.Idon'twanttobeageek.”Hercheeks

burnedattheinsinuationthatbyproxyherunclewasalsoageek.

Tyronclosedhisbookandplaceditonthestackbesidehisbed.HemotionedforSashatocomeoverand

sitonthebedacrossfromhimandshedidthiswhilelookingawayandnotwantingtolookhimintheeye.

“Doyouthinkonlygeeksread?

“No,”Sashasaidinanunsurevoice.MaryJanewasapopulargirlinschoolandwhileSashadidn'twant

tobefriendswithheritstillhurtinsomeinexplicablewaythatMarythoughtofherasageek.

“Louder,”Tyronsaidwithasmile.

HissmilealwaysworkedonSashaandshesmiledbackandsaid,“Smartpeopleread.”

“Better,”Tyronsaid,“Don'tyoueverlistentoanykidthattriestoputyoudown.I’llletyouintoalittle

secret about those kinds of people. They usually have their own problems and they try to deflect it by

lashing out at others. I wouldn't be surprised if Mary Jane Pupkin is a slow reader and seeing you

enjoyingabookmadeherangry.”

Sashascrewedupherface,thiswassomethingshedidwhenshewasthinkinganditalwayscrackedup

Tyron.“MaryJanehadtoreadapassagefromthejunglebookouttotheclassandshestumbledoverher

words.”

Tyronslappedhisthighandsaid,“See,whatdidItellyou.Don'tletanythingshesaidtoyoulodgeinthe

old grey matter,” and he tapped his temple. “Are you up for a day trip?” he asked her as the smile

widenedonhisface.

“To the library?” Sasha asked. The nearest library was two bus journeys away and Tyron had been

promisingtobringherforthelastmonth.Sashahadonlyeverbeeninhersmallschoollibrarywhichwas

reallyonlyanemptyclassroomwithmetalshelvesaroundthewallsandtworowsdownthecentreofthe

room.Nothinghadbeendonetomakeitfeelmorethanamakeshiftsetup.AnytimeSashahadvisitedthe

place she had always crinkled her nose at the smell of mould that hung in the air. The school library

lookednothinglikethegrandbuildingthatherunclehadshownherinapicturebook.

ThebookwasfilledwithphotographsoflibrariesaroundtheworldandSashahadbecometransfixedon

thephotoofthelibraryinTrinityCollegeDublin.Stacksastallasahouseflankedacentralareathathad

deskswithlampswithcurvedbrassnecks.Oneoftheladderswaspulledrighttotheendofastackanda

woman in smart dress was at the peak and holding a leather-bound book the size of a dinner tray. The

picturewasbathedinwarmlightfromlampshangingonlongcordsfromthevaultedceiling.Thewhole

roomwasmutedbrownsandautumnalshadesandSashacouldalmostsmellthedecadesofpolishonthe

scuffedfloorboards.

ThelibraryinTrinityCollegewasaworldawayfromthedampsmellingroominherschoolthatserved

as their pathetic version of one. Sasha imagined herself sitting at one of the big oak desks with a lamp

overherpileofbooksassheleafedthroughanancienttomepackedwithillustrationsofanimals.Ever

sinceTyronhadshownherthebookshehadbeenaskinghimacoupleoftimesaweekifshecouldgoto

thelibrarywithhim.Hehadnevertoldherno,justaskedforpatiencefromherandnowitlookedlikeit

hadpaidoff.

Thedaytriptothelibrarywithherunclewasmorethanshecouldofeveraskedforandlookingbackshe

wishedshehadofnoticedhowguardedandstressedherunclehadbeen.Whenhebroughtherintothe

children's section that had furniture designed for children and bright paintings on the wall Sasha fell in

lovewiththeplace.Shewasgiddywithexcitementasshetookastackofbooksoffashelfandfounda

cornertabletoreadat.“DidItaketoomany?”Sheaskedheruncle.

“Knockyourselfoutkid,”herepliedwithacatchinhisvoice.Hegotupandfoundhimselfabookand

satdownbesideSasha.

ShefeltoldersittingbesideheruncleassheflippedthroughtheillustratededitionofRobinsonCrusoe,

being in the library was like stepping in to a secret part of adult life that Sasha had only ever seen in

pictures.Asshebrowsedthroughthebookshewasalreadyplanningothertripswithheruncle,toother

librariesallacrossthecity.

Itneverhappened.Daysafterthedaytriphermothertoldheroverbreakfastthatherunclewasgoingto

Australiaforwork.ThenewswaslikeaslaptothefaceandSashastruggledtoholdbackaflashoftears

andsaid,“Icanphonehim,orwritehimaletter,orsendhimapackagewithbooksforhimtoread.”

Hermothershookherheadslowlyandsaid,“He’sgoingtobemovingaroundalotandwontbeableto

contactus.Hewillbeworkinginplacesoffthebeatentracksoforawhilewhenheleaveswewontbe

abletohearfromhimatall.”

ThepainofhermothersliesstillhurtinSasha'schestwhenshethoughtbacktothatsummerandhowshe

hadwaitedeverydaybyherwindow,lookingoutforheruncletoambleupthestreetwithabookinhis

hand,wishingshehadofsaidgoodbyetohimwhenthechancewasthere.Sashawaitedallsummerandhe

neverreturned.

Sasha drained the last bitter drop of her coffee and got up and stretched. I can’t sit her wallowing she

thoughtasshegotupandlookedattherowofbooksonashelfattheothersideofthekitchen.Shecould

seewhythisroomwouldbeagoodonetositinandcurlupwithagoodbook.Thesmallsizeoftheroom

madeitfeelcozyandtheviewfromthewindowslookedacrosstheopenseatotheothersideofthefjord

withitstoweringmountainssmoothedbymonthsofsnowfall.Sheranherfingersalongthespinesofthe

bookandtriedtopronouncetheIcelandicnamesinherheadassheimaginedthesoundsforlettersthatshe

hadneverseenbefore.Herfingerstoppedononbookwithabluespineandanimageofagoldfishatthe

bottom.Shetookitoutandthenpulledherchairtothewindowatagoodanglesoshecouldseeawide

expanseofthestormbatteringthefjord.

Thefrontcoverofthebookhadablackandwhitepictureofawomanstandingoutsideahousemadeof

turfandcoveredinalayeroffuzzygrass.Thewomanworealongblackdressandawhitebibthatlooked

like traditional clothes. She had a fierce sternness in her eyes as she stared off at something out of the

frameofthepicture.Sashaflickedthroughthebookandfoundpageafterpageofoldpicturesofwomen

allwiththesamesternlookontheirfaces.EventhroughtheblankstaresSashacouldpickuponasadness

intheirlooksasiftheywerelookingouttowardsadistantfutureandabetterdaytocome.

ThefirstcoupleofpageswereallinIcelandicanditwasn'tuntilaquarterofthewayinthatSashafound

herfirstpassageinenglish.Thepicturewasofawomaninathickwoollenjumperwithherhairtiedupin

toaroundbun.Sheheldababyinherarmsandtwosmallchildrenstoodbesideher,theirhairblowing

backfromastrongwind.Thefamilystoodinafieldwithasmallcabininthebackgroundandbesidethe

womanwasahugecurvingpieceofwhalebonesittingonthegrass.Thewomanandthechildrenstared

acrossthefjordtowardstheneckofitthatopenedoutintotheoceanbeyond.Waveschurnedandcrashed

againstthesmalldockattheendofthefield.Sashafeltaballoftensioninherstomachasshebeganto

readthetextacrossfromthepicture.

Itread:KatyaKrumholtoriginallyfromGermanywatchesandwaitsforherhusbandandthecrewofthe

fishingboatthelittleducktoreturn.KatyamovedtoIcelandaftermeetingherHusbandinGermanyand

was living in the country ten years at the time of this picture She waited for seven days standing in the

fieldwatchingtheopenwatersofthefjordforanysignofherhusbandsreturn.Thatwinterthreeofthe

worststormsofthedecadehitthewestcoast.Manyliveswerelost.Katya'shusbandneverreturnedand

hiscrewofsixablebodiedmenwasneverfound.Thatyeartwelveliveswerelostoutatseainthefjord

knownlocallyas“thefjordofdeepshadowsandsorrow.”KatyasoonleftIcelandandnothingmoreis

knownofherfate.

Sashaslammedthebookshutandpusheditacrossthetableasifitwasscorchinghot.Shecouldfeeltears

begintowellupinhereyesandshetriedtoblinkthemawayassheturnedherchairaround,notwanting

tolookatthebookanymore.Isthishowmylifeisdestinedtogoshethought,theworldofterrorinducing

storms and tiny boats bobbing on waves the size of mountains is so far removed from my life of air

conditioned offices and project crunch time stress. Will I be one of those women staring off into the

distancewaitingforJonastoappearashetakesanotherriskwithhislifebygoingouttosea.SofarIhave

beendreamingaboutanewlifefilledwithquaintIcelandicvillageswithbrightlycolouredhouses,wide

open vistas of spectacular beauty and Jonas by my side. Am I naive for only thinking about that she

wondered.

Thealternativewaslikeacoldblastofwinterairthatsharpenedhermindtotherealpossibilitiesoflife

inaplacethatwassostunningandalsoonedrenchedinahistoryofdeathsatsea.Thiswouldbeyour

newrealitySashatoldherself,ifyoulivedinaplacelikethisfjordJonasoranyoneelseyougettoknow

will be tied to working on the sea. In the relative safety of San Francisco she had never really thought

aboutdangerslurkingaroundeverycorner.InIcelandshewasgettingthesensethatthingsweredifferent.

Thepeoplelivedwithnaturerightattheirfrontdoorandthecruelandunrelentingpoweritcouldyield

wasalwayspresent.

SashatriedtogetthepictureoftheGermanwomanoutofhermindanditwasn'tworking.Itwasasifshe

couldseeeverywrinkleandworrylineonthewomansfaceetchedoutinstarkcartoonishdetails,thick

dark brushstrokes across her face so that the pain of waiting was heightened. The walls of the cabin

bulgedinwardsandSashatearsbegintowellupagain.

Shegotupanddidwhatshealwaysdidbackhometoclearhermind.Sashagrabbedherjacketoffthe

rackbythedoorandslippedherfeetintoherboots.Snowpeltedoffthefrontdooranditsoundedlike

someonehurlinghandfulsofsandagainstit.I’mnotgoingtoletthestormputmeoffSashathoughtasshe

pulledherjacketuptightaroundherneck.Whensheopenedthedoorthefingersofwinterquicklymade

theirwayintothehouse,shegotoutandslammedthedoorshutbehindher.Snowcompactedaninchthick

onthedoorcameoffinalongchunkandfelltothegroundwithasoftthump.

ChapterTwelve

Sashapushedforwardthroughtheblowingsnow,shewasalonefigureagainstthesoftwhitelinesofthe

pathdowntothemainroad.Thepressingcoveringofcloudswasbeginningtosplitandascatteringof

starsnobiggerthanpixelsoflightpoppedintoexistenceasSashatrudgedthroughtheankledeeplayerof

snow. A single lane road followed the curve of the fjord and then disappeared around one of the sharp

bendsthatthejaggedlandscapecaused.NocarsdroveeitherwayandthetownofIsafjordurwasblocked

from view by the steep sides of a mountain covered in patches of snow like long scar marks along its

rockysurface.

Sashastoppedhalfwaydownthepathandturnedonthespot.ItslikeIamonanotherplanetshethoughtas

shescannedthelandscapeforanyothersignsoflife.Nothingstirredasfarasshecouldseeandtheonly

soundwasthegentlecrashingofthewavesaboutakilometreaway.Shelookedbackatthecabinandthe

lightsfrominsidecalledtoherlikeabeacon.Toughitoutshethoughtasshepushedonwards.I’llgoas

farasthemainroadandbackagainshethoughtasshepushedthroughvirginsnow.AsSashapushedon

hermindbecamerestfulassheenteredherfamiliarrelaxedstatethatwalkingbroughtonandshefocused

onnothingmorethanthesoundofherfeetcrunchinginthesoftsnowasshekeptmovingforward.

She passed the polished piece of driftwood by the side of the path and ran her gloved hand across the

wind blasted stub of a branch. For luck she thought even though her rational mind didn't allow for

superstitionstocreepintohereverydaylifebackhome.Therewassomethingdifferentaboutwhereshe

was that added a mythic quality to everything. The wide open fjords with their near vertical mountain

sides,relentlessweatherandclosenesstonature.Itmadeyoufeelsmallandatthesametimeconnectedto

the landscape around you in a way that Sasha had never experienced in the concrete world of San

Francisco.

Everythingwasreducedtotheminimumhumanelementsinthestunningsceneryofthefjords,life,death

loveandlossallcontainedintheshadowsofsteadfastandunwaveringmountains.Concernsthathadbeen

soimportantbackhomenowhadtakenonatrivialandsillytoneforSasha.Onlyaweekagoshehadbeen

fretting about meetings, packed schedules, catching up on a growing backlog of movies, books and TV,

backinguphercomputer,andathousandotherthingsthathadfilledhermindandherdays.Nowasshe

trudged through the snow and towards the coast road new priorities where becoming clear through the

blur of the storm. All of the old structures that Sasha had used to fill up her time and now she was

realisingtokeepherlonelinesssealedoffandcontained,theydidn'tmatteranymore.

IwanttolivethesimplelifeSashathought,onefilledwithnightsinfrontofthefirewithagoodbookand

Jonasbymysideasablizzardblowsdownfromthemountains.Sashastoppedinhertracksasthesnow

fellslowlyaroundher,I’mreallydoingthisshethoughtandfeltaknotoftensioninherstomach.Thelast

few days she had toyed with the idea of starting a new life in Iceland. Standing in the soft ankle deep

snowasfatflakesfellaroundhershenowknewthatatsomepointshehadcrossedthebridgefromher

oldlifetothewideopenpossibilitiesofalifeinIceland.Thelayerofsnowaroundhershimmeredasifit

was embedded with a million diamonds and as the clouds continued to shift more stars twinkled into

existence in the night sky. Sasha felt a thrill of excitement as she did a slow twirl in the perfect winter

landscapeshestoodupon.

Shefeltweightlessandherthoughtsfloatedaboveherintheswirlingsnowasdreamsofanewlifespun

about her. The dazzling whites of the snowy landscape mixed with the striking azure blue of a crisp

wintersmorningasSashatriedtoimaginethelandscapeshecrossedchangingwiththeseasons.Hermind

whirredasshewentthroughanendlesslistofthingssheneededtodotostarthernewlife.Shecontinued

ondownthepathasshementallypackedupheroldapartmentandpicturedacargocontainertravelling

acrosstheseatohernewhome.Whenshereachedthewoodenpostattheendofthepaththatmarkedthe

pointwhereitmeetthecoastroadshestoppedagainandwatchedasasetofcarlightsbobbedasthey

turnedthecornerontheroadfromtownanddroveinherdirection.

WhoamIkiddingshethoughtastheimageofthesadandbrokenGermanwomanoncemorefloatedinher

mind.Thisdreamcouldendbeforeitevenhasachanceofstartingup.Asshewatchedthelightsofthecar

cut through the blowing snow Sasha knew in every ounce of her being that the driver of the car was

bringingherbadnews.Shebitherlipasthesoundofthecarsenginebegantogetlouderasitapproached.

Shelookedbackatthecabinwhichlookedlikeatinybeaconoflight,asafeplacethatwouldfeellikea

museumifshehadtowalkbacktherewithbadnewsweighingherdown.

ThecardrewcloserandSashacouldmakeoutaloneoccupantandheflashedhislightsashegotcloser

andbegantoslowdownashedrewneartoher.Thisisitshethoughtandreadiedherselfforthecoldslap

oftheworstnewspossible.Thecarturnedontotheroaduptothecabinandpulledtoastop.Sasha'sheart

wasbeatingsofastshethoughtitwasgoingtoripthroughherchest.Thepassengerdoorswungopenand

thedriversaidafewwordsinIcelandic.Sashabentintotheopendoorandlookedatthedriver,hewasa

maninhisseventieswithbushyeyebrowsthatstuckoutlikebristlesonabrush,kindeyesthatpeeredout

fromunderheavylidsandawidesmilewithtwofrontteethmissing.

Hecrumpledhisbrowandpursedhislipsandsaid,“Sorryitsnotsoeasytoswitchtoenglishwhenyou

gettomyage.”WhenhespokehisvoicewhistledslightlythroughthegapinhisteethanditmadeSasha

smile.

“Not at all. Is everything ok?” Sasha asked, waiting for the horrible news to hit her like a backhanded

slap.

“Jonas sent me to get you. He radioed from his boat. He wanted me to bring you to my place to have

dinnerwithmeandmywife,”hesaidandpursedhislipsagainashetriedtograbholdofthewordshe

needed,“wouldyouliketojoinus?”

Sashafeltamomentofreliefwashoverher.IcantsitaloneinthecabinallnightI’lldrivemyselfcrazy

withworryshethought.

“I’dbeveryhappytotakeyouuponyouroffer,”Sashareplied.

“Jumpinthen.Getoutofthestorm,”theoldmansaidwithagrin.

Sashagotinandslammedthedoorbehindher.Theoldmanstretchedouthishandandsaid,“I’mGudtor.”

She took his hand and shook it, his hand had the same work hardened coarseness that she had felt on

Jonas’shand.WhentheirhandsseparatedGudtorhelduphishandandshowedherhisfingers.Themiddle

fingerandindexfingerweretwistedandfrozeninahalfbentposition.

“Its from years working on a fishing boat and handling the nets. Over time it messed my fingers up,”

GudtorsaidandSashadidn'tpickupthathewaslookingforanykindofsympathy,onlystatingafact.

“DidyouworkwithJonasontheboats?”Sashaasked.

“Idid.Everysummerformostofhisteenageyearsandthroughhistwentiesuntilhelefttown,”hesaid

staringoutatthesnow,heturnedbackandlookedatSashaandsaid,“Icouldtellyoumanyataleabout

youngJonas.”

“I’dlovetohearthemoverdinner,”Sashasaidandgavehimasmile.IfIcontinuetosmilemaybeIcan

hidehowworriedIaminsideshethought.

“Youdon'thavetofakeitwithme,”Gudtorsaid.

DamntheseIcelandicfolksareperceptiveandbluntSashathought.

“I’vebeenaroundenoughworriedfamilymembersoffishermentoknowwhatyouaregoingthrough.The

uncertaintyishard.ThisiswhenweIcelanderspulltogether,drawclosetoeachotherforcomfortuntil

theshipsreturnhome.IcantellyouJonasisonehellofacaptainandanexperiencedseafarerandRafn,

haveyoumeethim?”Gudtorasked.

Sashanoddedherhead.

“Wellthenyou’veseenthesizeofthatboy,astormwontgetthebetterofRafnIcantellyou.Thatmanisa

survivor if ever there was one. I just know those two will be back before daybreak. They are like

brothersandnothingwillkeepthemapart.”

“Thanksforthat,”Sashareplied.

“I mean it. We all pull together thats how we get through the dark times. You are one of us now, every

personintownhasgonethroughwhatyouaregoingthroughthisminute.IthinkJonaswantedyoutoknow

thatyouarenotalone,”Gudtorsaid.

“Thankyou,”Sashareplied.

Gudtorsmiledatherwithhiswidegaptoothedgrin.“Ihopeyouarehungry,mywifehasabigspread

readyforus.Ourhouseisatburstingpointwithalltheholidayfoodathand.Areyougoingtogobackto

AmericaforChristmas?”

“IthinkI’mgoingtospendithereandstaythroughuntilthefirstweekinthenewyear.”

“I’veseenthatlookbefore,youhavefallenforIcelandamIright?”Gudtoraskedinhissoftliltingvoice.

“I have. I’ve never been somewhere like this before, I don't know what it is but it already feels like

home.”

“Icelandhasthateffectonpeople,itcriesouttobereckonedwith,thelandscape,thepeople,thesnow.It

hasapowerfulcrythatcallsouttoalotofpeopletoliveontheselands.MywifeisfromGermany.Isaw

asimilarlookonherfacewhenshefirstseteyesonthefjordsoverfortyyearsago.”

“Andyouhavelivedherethewholetime?”Sashaasked.

“Wehave.WeusedtospendafewmonthsayearinGermanysomywifecouldbewithfamily.Aswegot

olderthosetripsbecamelessoften.Wegottoapointwhenwehadtodecideifwewantedtoliveour

retirementyearsinGermanyorouthereinthewestfjords.,”Gudtorsaid.

“Wasitabigdecision?”

“Ithoughtitwasgoingtobe.InmyheartIthoughtthatmywifewasgoingtochooseGermanyfirst,even

thoughshespentmostofherlifelivinghere.Iwasafraidthatherhomelandwouldhavetoostrongapull

forher.Itwasn'ttobeso,Icelandhadherheart.”

“Andyoutoo,”Sashasaid.ShewasfeelingrelaxedinGudtor’scompany,heexudedarelaxedcharmand

shecouldseethatinhisyoungerdayshemustofbeenaveryhandsomeman.

“IthinkImightofhadasmallamounttodowithherultimatechoice,”hesaidandchuckled.Hetookthe

handbrakeoffandsaid,“Webettergetgoing.Hannawillbewaitingforusandmaybeevenworryingas

shedoeswheneverthereisastorm.Doyouneedanythingbackinthecabin?”

“I’mreadytogo,”Sashasaid.

Thelightsofthecarmovedacrossthefieldsinfrontofthecabinandthechunkofdriftwoodwasbathed

inthepaleyellowlightforasecondasthecarmadeaturnandthenreturnedtothemaincoastroad.The

headlights illuminated a swirling world of an infinity of snowflakes blowing in from the sea. The road

was covered in a scrim of fresh snow and Gudtor leaned forward in his seat as he drove. They drove

around the curved road and Jonas’s cabin disappeared from view. Up ahead the town of Isafjordur

glitteredlikeastringofgemsfloatingabovegreychurningwaves.

SteamrosefromthedampmaterialofSasha'strousersandthesidewindowfoggedup.Sherubbedatit

withherballedupfistandlookedoutattheoilblackwaterthatwasonlymetersawayfromthesideof

the road. Reflections of stars jumped and rippled on the surface and Sasha stared off in the distance

hopingtoseethelightsofareturningboat.

“AnightlikethisyouneedsomegoodIcelandiclambsoup.Itcancureanythingthatailsyou,”Gudtorsaid

as he fiddled with the heating controls of the car. He muttered a few words in Icelandic and then said,

“Sorrythisoldjunkerisclosetobeingonherlastrun,Ican’tgetmuchmoreheatoutofher.”

“I’mok,”Sashareplied.Shewascoldbutitwasatafaroffdistanceasifshewaswitnessingherbody

begintochillwithoutfeelingthesensation.“Soupsoundsgood,”shesaidinamonotoneandsherealised

shewasclosetotears.

Gudtor must of sensed the swelling of emotions in the steamy interior of the car, he gave her a quick

glanceandthenfocusedhisattentionontheswirlingsnowstormandthebarelyvisiblestretchofblack

road. “I know you are hurting right now. We people of Isafjordur have been through every kind of

catastrophethatnaturecanthrowatus.Westandtogetherandwestandstrongagainstitandyouarenow

oneofusandcanabsorbourstrength.I’veknownJonasforalongtime,thatmanwouldfreezethevery

oceansandcrossthemonhisbarefeettogetbacktoyou.”

Gudtor'swordswerelikeawarmbreezemovingacrosshericecoldlimbs.Itwaslikeshewashearinga

decreefromanancientgodthatwashowsteadyandpowerfulhisvoicehadbeen.“Thankyou.Ineededto

hearthat.Allofthisissonewtome.Idon'tthinkIcouldevergetusedtoit,”sherepliedandtrailedoff.

“You are one of us now. And with that you will have the same inner strength that beats in the heart of

everymanandwomaninIcelandandespeciallyintheoneswhochoosetoliveintheharshfjords.Weare

allinthistogether.”

“HowdidyouknowaboutmeandJonas?”Sashaasked.

Gudtorflashedheranotheroneofhisgaptoothedsmilesandwhenhedidhiseyesglitteredlikefreshly

fallensnow.“Weareasmalltown.Everyoneknowseveryoneandwhenoneofthemfallsinlovewithan

outsidernewscantravelfasterthanthestormthatsblowingoutside.”

Theytookasideroadthatleaduptoasmallwoodenhousewhoseroofwascoveredintwinklinglights.

Thehousesatonahillthatlookedoutacrossthefjordandwasdirectlyoppositetothesmallairportthat

Sashahadfirstarrivedatwhenthestormhadgroundedherplane.

InsidethehousewaspackedwithalifetimeofpicturesandthekindofantiqueScandinavianfurniturethat

wasinfashioninsomeofthehipperareasofSanFrancisco.HannagreetedSashalikeanoldfriendand

theyallsataroundthetableandenjoyedsteaminghotbowlsoflambstew.Sashafilledthecoupleinon

herlifesofarandtheelderlycouplelistenedwithgreatinterest.Itwasgoodtobetalkingandforawhile

ittookSasha’smindoffJonasandtherescuemission.

AfterdinnerHannastartedtoclearupandrefusedallhelpfromSashaandshewasgivenstrictordersto

relaxwhilecoffeewasprepared.

“HowmuchcoffeedoyouIcelandersdrink?”SashaaskedGudtor.

“Morethanisgoodforus.Itstheonlythingthatkeepsusgoinginthelongdarkwinters,”hereplied.

Hannacarriedinatraywithapotoffreshbrewedcoffeeandaselectionoficedpastriesasbigasaplate.

TherichsmellofthestrongdarkcoffeethattheIcelandersfavouredfilledtheroomasHannapouredit

outintothreelargemugs.SheplacedaplatewithapinkicedpastryinfrontofSashaandthensatdown

acrossfromherhusband.Sashaeyedthemonstrouscakeandeveninthesedarktimesshecouldn'thelp

butsmileatitssize.

“Inenglishwecallthemelephantsfeet,”Gudtorsaidashetookabitefromhis,“agoodcupofcoffeeand

oneofthesecangetyouthroughallsortsofhardships.”

Sashapattedherstomach.“Ithoughtthatwasthejobofthelambstew.”

“An Icelander never turns down an opportunity for something sweet, as a nation we have a notorious

sweettooth,”hesaidashetookanotherlargebite.

Sashastartedinonherpastryandrelaxedbackinherseat.Sheneededthis,tobearoundotherpeopleand

GudtorsandHannaswarmthtoherduringtheeveninghadhelpedthetimepassbyeasierthanifshewas

onherownandbrooding.

“Thank you again for this. If I am going to be honest this kind of hospitality does not happen to me too

much.ThingsaredifferentinSanFrancisco,”Sashareplied.

GudtorandHannaglancedateachotherandgaveeachotherknowingsmiles.

“Ifeelsodisconnectedfrompeoplebackhomeeventhoughyoucantgetawayfromthem.Icouldn'teven

tellyoumyneighboursnameorwholivesintheapartmentaboveme.Wepasseachotherinthehallways

andthemostwegiveeachotherisanod.Everyoneissobusyallthetimeandmyworkwassoimportant

tome,theonlythingimportanttome.NowIdon’tknowanymore,”Sashasaidandpickeduphermugof

coffeeandcuppedherhandsaroundit.

“IwaslikeyouwhenIwasyounger,”Hannasaid,“Ilovedthecityandworkwaseverythingtome.ThenI

meet Gudtor and came to Isafjordur for the first time. To say it was life changing, well,” she said and

sweptherhandaroundthecozyroomtheysatin.Thewallswerecrammedwithpicturesoffriendsand

family and scenes of life in the fjord. Black and white pictures that looked to be a hundred years old

showed couples in traditional dress and beside them were pictures in pin sharp colour of Gudtor and

Hannastandingbesideanoldfashionedcarthatstoodoutsideabakery.Everywhereyoulookedyoucould

jumpbetweendecades,evencenturiesandseethehistoryofthetownunfoldingbeforeyou.Theclothes

changedandmorehousessprunguponthespitoflandthatjuttedoutintothefjordbutonethingstayed

thesameinthepictures,theconnectionofthepeople.

“Iwantthis,Icantgothroughlifeanymorejustskimmingacrossthesurface,”Sashasaidandshecould

feelherselfclosetotears.

HannareachedacrosstoSashaandtookherhand.“Youwillgetit.InthepastIhavesatherejustlikeyou

waitingformyhusbandtoreturnfromthesea.Lifeinthefjordscanbehardthereisnodoubtofthat.But

ifyouaskedmeifitisworthit,totaketheplungeandleaveyourhomecountrythenallIcansayisyou

mustlistentoyourheart.IdidalmostfiftyyearsagoandIhaveneveronceregrettedit.”

“ThankyouHanna,youandyourhusbandhavebeen..”Sashawascutoffbytheloudelectronicsquawkof

theradiointhecorneroftheroom.Herheartbeatspedupatthesoundandallofasuddenhermouthwas

asdryasasandybeach.GudtorgotupfromhisseatandsaidafewwordsinIcelandictoHanna.

“ThatwillbetheJonas’sboat.Wearetunedtohisfrequency,”HannasaidandsqueezedSasha'shand.

GudtorpressedabuttononthebaseofthedeskmountedmicandsaidafewrapidwordsinIcelandicand

thentwistedafewofthedialsonthereceiver.Thesystemcrackledagainandfaintwordscouldbeheard

underastormofstatic.Gudtorspokeagainandthesameblastofstaticcamethrough.

“I’mtryingtoboostthesignal,”hesaidasheconnectedanotherwiretothebackoftheradioreceiver.

“Its coming from Jonas’s boat. He has hit some trouble and the engines and power system has been

damaged.” Gudtor tried again and one final garbled message came through with the voice so faint that

Sasha could only hear a whisper from her side of the room. “He says he is on his way back and they

shouldlimpintotheharbourinthenexthour.”

Sasha burst from her seat and crossed the room in two steps and then threw her arms around Gudtors

neck. “Did he say anything else, how is Rafn, what happened to the boat?” she said in a stream of fast

pacedwordsthattrippedovereachother.

“Thesignalwasveryweak.I’mnotevensureifitwasJonasspeakingontheradio,”Gudtorsaidandthen

recoiledwithwhathehadsaid.

HannaraisedhervoiceandsaidafewsharpwordsinIcelandictoherhusbandwhileSashawalkedasif

inadreamandthenslumpedbackinherchair.ShehadneverconsideredthatJonasmightnotofmadethe

call,thathecouldofgothurtinhisrescueofhisfriend.Tearswelledupandthenrolleddownhercheeks

ashershouldersbegantoshake.

“Lookwhatyouhavedonenow,”HannasaidandcameovertoSashaandrubbedhershoulders.“Don't

mind my husband. All Icelandic men are like him, blunt in the extreme. They don't always think before

theyspeak.”

Gudtorgotupfromhisseatandcameoverandanguishlinedhisface.“I’msorrySasha.Ididnotmeanto

putideasinyourhead.ThesignalwasfaintbutI’msureitwasJonaswhowasontheotherend.Don't

mindmeI’mjustafoolisholdman.”

Sashareachedoutandtookhishand.“It’sok.Youtwohavebeenperfecthosts.Itstheuncertaintyofitall,

Idon'tknowifIcanbeasstrongasyoulocals.”

“We will be strong for you,” Hanna said giving Sasha a warm smile that reminded her of her beloved

grandmother.

Gudtorgrabbedhiscarkeysfromaceramicbowlshapedlikeafishandsaid,“Thereisnousehanging

aroundhere.I’lltakeyoudowntotheharbourandwecanwatchtheboatcomein.”

ChapterThirteen

SashaandGudtorheadedbackoutintotheblowingsnowandHannastayedbehindtokeepcheckingthe

radio.Theroadbackintotownhadnotbeenploughedyetandtherearendofthecarswungaboutuntil

thesnowtiresfoundagripandtheyrightedthemselves.Gudtorglancedintherearviewmirrorandsaid

“Lookattheroadoutofthefjord.”

Sasha peered back through the rear window and through the blowing snow she could make out three

flashingyellowlightshighuponthemountainroadattheendofthefjord.

“It’sthesnowplough.Hestartsupatthetunnelthatleadstothenexttownandthenmakeshiswaydown

here. He should have the road cleared within an hour. For now it will be down to my superior driving

skill to get us through this storm.” He winked and then hunched forward in his seat with a look of

concentration.

He’senjoyingthisSashathought.Shecouldseetheshadowoftheyoungmaninthewrinkledbrowand

sagging chin of his seventy plus years. I’d say you were a bit of a daredevil back in your day Sasha

thoughtasshewatchedtheswirlingsnowilluminatedbythecarheadlights.Theyweretheonlycarson

theroadandthisonlyaddedtothefeelingthattheywereinagiantsnowglobethathadbeenshookup

vigorously. The wind shifted and Sasha caught a glimpse of the string of low slung lights that was the

townofIsafjordur.Fromadistanceitalmostlookedlikethetownwasfloatingatopthecrashingwhite

tippedwaves.

They drove through town and then passed by the rows of fish processing plants until they got to the

harbour.Gudtorstoppedthecaroutsideawoodenhutthathadviewsoutintothewideopenentranceto

the fjord. When Sasha opened the door of the car a strong blast of wind pulled it from her grip and it

slammedopenwithabang.Snowswirledintothecarastheclamberedout.Thesoftgracefulflakesof

snow that had fallen earlier were now turned in to a countless barrage of icy pinpricks as they blasted

Sasha'sface.Gudtorsaidsomethingtoherbutthewindwassostrongthatshecouldnothearhimoverthe

din.Hewavedhertowardsthecabinandhestoopeddownandgrabbedakeyfromunderthemat.

“Thatwasrefreshing,”Gudtorsaidasheclosedthedoorbehindhim.

“I’veneverbeeninasnowstormlikethatbefore,”Sashareplied.

The hut was big enough to house a small table and seating for two and in the corner was an area for

brewingcoffee.Largeposterswithillustrationsoffishspecieshungonthewallsaswellasyellowedand

peelingdiagramsaboutsafetyaroundtheharbourloadingarea.Sashatookaseatatthetableatthelarge

windowthatfacedoutintothefjord.Gudtorflickedaswitchonthewallandtwospotlightsoutsidecame

on.“He’llbeabletoseethelightwhenhesailsintothefjord.Itcanliftamansspiritsanddrivehimon

whenhecanseethelightsofhome.Trythese,”GudtorsaidhandingSashaapairofbinocularsthathad

beenonashelfabovethecoffeestation.

Sashascannedthechurningseaforanyspeckoflightandallshecouldseewastheswirlingwhitenessof

thesnowstorm.Sheputthemdownandtoldherselfitwasbestnottokeepchecking.Inlessthenafew

secondsshehadthebinocularsinherhandsagainandshewasstrainingtoseeanysignofJonas’sreturn.

“VisibilityshouldimprovesoonIcantellthestormisabouttocalmdown,”Gudtorsaidashefilledtwo

plasticcupswithcoffee.

Sashalookedoutthewindowandthestormlookedlikeitwasblowingstrongerthanitwaswhentheygot

outofthecar.ShesuspectedGudtorwasdoinghisbesttotrytokeephercalm.“Howcanyoutell,tomy

eyesitlookslikeitsgettingworse.”

“Thewindhaschangeddirection,itsblowinginfromacrossthemountains.Thatsusuallyasignthatthe

stormisabouttotakeabreak.Takealookwiththebinocularstothemountainsonyourright.Canyousee

theblackshapesclusteredtogether?”

Sashascannedthesteepsidedmountainsthatwerethewallsofthefjordandthroughtheblowingsnow

shecouldmakeoutthreehugeboulderssittingonthelipofthemountain.“Icanseethemthroughgapsin

thestorm.”

“Intheolddaysitwasthoughtthattheyweretrollsthatcontrolledtheweatherinthefjord.Whenthewind

blewinfromthedirectionofthebouldersitwassaidthatitwasthetrollswhoblewthestormsawayand

protectedthepeopleofthefjord.Inenglishitwouldtranslateasatrollwindisblowing,ithasamore

poeticedgetoitintheoriginalIcelandic,”Gudtorsaid.

SasharememberedJonassayinghernamewithhisIcelandicaccentanditmadeherheartspeedup.There

wasaflowinglyricalwaythathespokethatremindedherofthemorningsongofbirds.Shesuspectedthat

mostthingssoundedmorepoeticinthisstrangeandforeignlanguage.

Gudtorbroughtthemcoffeeandtheybothsatandwatchedthegustingstormoutside.Withinafewminutes

onefinaliceblastbatteredthehutandthenstillness.Sashagrabbedthebinocularsandscannedtheseaat

themouthofthefjord.Atinyspeckoforangelightflashedonandoff.Hermouthwentdryandherhands

begantoshake.Gudtortookthebinocularsfromherandlookedouttosea.“Thatshim.He'stheonlyboat

outtheretonight.Itlookslikeheisatquarterspeed,itshouldn'ttakelongforhimtogettothesafetyofthe

harbour.”

SashawipedtearsawayfromthecornerofhereyesandshereachedacrossthetableforGudtorshand.

“Thankyoufortonight.”Shesqueezedhishandinhers,sheneededthecontacttostophersfromshaking.

As the boat drew near Sasha got her first proper look at it. Gudtor flashed the flood lights out on the

harbourandthenafigurewentoutontotheapproachingboatsdeck.Withtwoarmsraiseditwavedback

intheirdirection.Sashagasped.WasthatRafnstandingonthedeckandnotJonas.Allshecouldmakeout

was the bulk of his silhouette. Her hands began to shake again. What did this mean if Jonas was not

pilotingtheboat?Shetrainedthebinocularsonthesmalllightedwheelhouseanditlookedempty.

“Idon'tthinkthatisJonas,”shesaidpassingthebinocularstoGudtor.Hermindfilledofchillingimages

ofJonaspullingRafnfromicywatersonlyforhimtosuccumbtotheicygripofthedeadlywaters.No

don'tletitbesoshethoughtasfreshtearsrolleddownhercheeks.

“Icantmakeoutwhoitis,”Gudtorsaid.Agustofwindwhippedacrosstheopenharbourandthenthe

viewwasblockedbyahugeflurryofsnow.GudtormutteredafewangrywordsinIcelandicthatcould

onlybeastringofcurses.“Thetrollsdidn'tholdoffthestormfortoolong.Ididn'tgettoseewhoitwas

beforethewallofsnowblockedmyview.”

Thestormwasbackandmoreforcefulthanbefore.Outsidethecabinthevisibilitywasreducedtoonlya

coupleoffeet.Thecabincreakedaroundthemandtheoverheadlightflickeredforacoupleofseconds.

“Howlonguntiltheygetbacktosafety?”Sashaaskedasshestaredthroughthebinocularsinanattemptto

seethroughtheblizzardragingoutside.

“Atthespeedtheyaregoing,Ithinkthey’lllimpintotheharbourintwentyminutesorso.Thewindisat

theirbacksothatwillhelpthemalittle.”

Sashaputthebinocularsdownandhadtofoldherarmsbecauseherhandswereshakingsomuch.Itwas

Jonasyousawontheboatithadtobeshethoughttoherself,don’tletthehorriblethoughtscreepin.She

triedbutcouldn'thelpit.ImagesofJonasfacedownandfloatinginthestormwhippedseabombardedher

and every bad scenario flickered through her mind as if she was flicking through a picture book of

horrors.

Shestaredoutatthemillionsofsnowflakesandtriedtofixateontheswirlingpatterns,anythingtokeep

her mind off how scared she was. Lights flickered amidst the falling snow and Sasha turned to Gudtor.

“Didyouseethat?”

Gudtor looked straight ahead and then looked with the binoculars. He put them down and a big smile

spreadacrosshisface.“Itsthem.Theyareonlyaboutaminuteortwoaway.Wecanwaithereuntilthey

dock.”

Sashawasalreadyuponherfeetandclosinguphercoat.“Iwanttobeonthedockwhenhegetshere.”

Thatsifitishimwhosurvived,acruelandscaredpartofherminddeclared.

Gudtorcouldseethattherewouldbenodissuadingherotherwiseandtheyheadedoutintotheblizzard.

ThewindsmackedintoSashaassheroundedthecornerofthehutandshehadtograboutforthewallto

stop her feet from shooting out from under her. The wind whistled at a high pitch like the screams of a

dyinganimalasGudtorhookedhisarmaroundherwaisttogiveherbalance.“Thankyou,”sheshouted

andtheoldmannodded.Theyleantintothestormandarminarmmadetheirwaytothebarrieratthe

edgeofthedock.

GudtorpointedofftotherightandSashacouldmakeoutapairoflightsflashingoutatsea.“Thatshim

now,” he said leaning in close to her ear and shouting above the howling wind. Sasha fixated on the

blinkinglightsandwatchedastheshapeoftheboatbecamevisiblethroughthestorm.Heisalive,heis

alivesherepeatedinherhead.

Theboatwasafewminutesfromthedockandstillonlyvisibleasafaintshapewithintheswirlingwhite

stormwhenthewinddroppedandforafewsecondsSashacouldseeaclearviewoftheboat.Herchest

tightened,shecouldseehiminthewheelhousesteeringtheboat.Jonaswasalive.“ItsJonas,he'sok,”she

shoutedandhuggedGudtorinpurejoy.

He held her tight in his arms and over the screech of the wind said, “I told you Jonas is one hell of a

sailor.Astormlikethisisnothingtoamanofhiscapabilities.”

Sashacouldn'thelpherselfandleanedinandkissedtheoldmanonhischeek.Gudtorlookedawayand

shecouldseethathischeekshadgoneadeepcrimson.

Thewindbegantodiedownastheboatsloweditsapproachtothedock.Theworstoftheblizzardwas

overandlargefluffysnowflakesseesawedthroughtheair.Sashagotherfirstclearlookattheboatand

thewheelhouse.ThelightflickeredaboveJonas’sheadandshecouldseethathewasaloneandthathis

expression was as hard as stone. He raised his hand and acknowledged them as he drew up beside the

dock.SashawasclosetotearsandsheturnedtoGudtorandcouldseeasparklingsheentohiseyes.

TheboatcametoastopandJonascameoutondeck,hiseyeswererimmedwithdarkshadowsandhe

wentthroughthemotionsoftyingofftheboatwithoutlookinginSasha'sdirection.Hesteppedashoreand

trudgedstraightpastthembothandwalkeduptothewoodenhut.

ThefirstblowshockedSashaasJonaspunchedthewoodenwallofthehutwithtremendousforce.The

hut shook on its foundations. Jonas rained down punches on the wall and let out a howl of pain as he

continuedinafrenzy.Sashatriedtocallouttohimandhermouthwouldnotmakeasound.Shestaredat

hisfistshittingthewallsandwatchedasslickpatchesofbloodformedattheimpactzones.Sherantohis

sideandputherhandonhisshoulder.Jonasspunaroundwithhisfistsraisedandhelookedatherlikehe

wasseeingherforthefirsttime.“He’sgone.TherewasnothingIcoulddoforhim,”hesaid.Helookedat

hisbleedingknucklesasiftheywerenotattachedtohim.“Iwastoolate.”AllfightlefthimandSasha

couldseenothingbutpainandmiseryinhiseyesasshewrappedherarmsaroundhimandpulledhimin

close.

Sheheldhimtighttryingtoabsorbasmuchofhispainaspossibleandtryingtoimaginetheturmoilthat

mustbegoingoninsidethemansheloved.Hehadlostafriend,hehadlostabrother.Ihavetobestrong

forhimnowSashathoughtasshetriedtofightbacktears.“ComeoninsideandI’llcleanupyourhands.”

Sheneededtobedoingsomething,anythingtototakehermindoffallthatwashappening.

InsidethehutJonassatinachairwithhisbacktothewindowandSasharealisedwithacoldchilldown

herspinethatRafnmustbeontheboat.Bestrongforyourmanshetoldherselfasshegotthefirstaidbox

and checked its contents. She cleaned the wounds on his knuckles and as she taped on a bandage blue

lightswashedupthesideofthewallsofthecabin.Jonascontinuedtostareatthewallastheintensityof

theflashinglightsgrew.

“I’llgooutsideanddealwiththem,”Gudtorsaid.

Jonas rose from the chair and Sasha reached out and touched his hand. “You don't have to be here for

this.”

“Ihavetoseethistotheend,”hesaidandleftthecabinwithGudtor.

Sashasatlookingoutthewindowastheambulancepulledupinfrontofthedock.Twomeninorangehigh

visibilityjacketsgotoutandGudtorspoketothem.Jonasstoodtherestaringathisboatandheanswered

questionsfromtheparamedicswithanodofhishead.Lighttwinkledonthemetalframeofthestretcher

as they carried it to the boat. Tears began to fall from her eyes. I cant look at this she thought and she

lookedawayastheyboardedtheboat.

ShesataloneinthecabinweepingforRafnandforthetheheartwrenchingpainthatJonasmustbegoing

through.

Thatnightastheylayinbedtogethersheheldhiminherarmsandteasedhishairbetweenherfingers.At

firsthewasstiffandrigidinherarms,allofhismusclestensedlikehewasabouttoboltfromthebed.

WhenhefinallyletgoSashawasreadytoholdhimeventighteranddoherbesttogethimthroughthe

night.Theystayedwrappedaroundeachotherallnightaspainandsorrowbuffetedthemunlikeanystorm

Sashahadeverwitnessed.

Epilogue

OneYearLater

InthemiddleofthelongIcelandicsummersthesunneversetandthedarknessoftheeternalwinterswere

adistantmemorytoeveryone.Sashastoodonthedeckofaboatasitskimmedacrosstheglassysurface

oftheseainaplaceknownasangelfjord.WinterhadbeenhardforherandJonasandduringthedarkest

monthsithadfeltlikeneitherofthemcouldfreethemselvesfromtheconstraintsofgrief.Whenthesun

hadfinallyclippedabovethetoweringmountainsofthefjordinearlyMarchtheworstofthepainwas

behind them. The initial rawness was gone and for Jonas it was now replaced with a numbness that he

wouldneverseeRafnagain.ThecomingofthefirstraysofsuninMarchalsobroughtsomethingelseto

themboth,hopeandanewlifetogether.Theyhadalovethathadbeenforgedandstrengthenedinoneof

theworstmomentsforanybodytogothroughandtheyhadmanagedtogetthroughitwiththeirfeelingsfor

eachotherdeepenedandtempered.

“Areyounervous?”

ThequestionssnappedSashaoutofherdeepthoughtsandsheturnedtoherthreegrinningfriendswhohad

madethejourneyfromSanFranciscoforherspecialday.I’vebeenthroughtoomuchtobenervousabout

todayshethought.

“I’mhappyandmoreexcitedthanIhaveeverbeeninmylife.”Sashasaidbeamingbackatherfriends.

Theboatpassedbyarockyoutcropandforthefirsttimethefulllengthofthefjordwasexposedtoallon

the boat. Sasha gripped the hand rail as she looked at the small farm off in the distance. It had been in

Jonas’s family for over a hundred years and had been passed down to him over a decade ago. He had

neverdoneanythingwithitandithadbeenlyingemptyforyears.Thefarmsatattheendofthefjordona

huge patch of land that included miles of its own sandy beaches, a glacial river flowing down the

mountainsideandintheautumnwildberriedgrewinhugepatchesundertheshadeofthemountains.Sasha

hadfalleninlovewithitthefirsttimeshesetfootonthebeach.Thefarmwasonlyaccessiblebyboat

fromthenearesttownandwhenSashafirstsawitsheknewthisiswhereshewantedtogetmarriedand

thenstarthernewlifewithJonasastheyrebuiltthefarmhousetogether.

Thelastyearshehadbeeninafrenzyassheorganisedherbusinesssothatshecoulddomostofherwork

remotely. Weekly checkins from a quaint coffee shop in the sleepy town of Borgarfjordur was the only

timesheneededtoreconnectwiththeofficeinSanFrancisco.Onaregulardayshewouldbeabletotake

herlaptopandsitoutsidethefarmhousewithaviewoutintothefjordandcodeinpeacewiththesound

ofbirdssingingbeingheronlydistraction.

Sashacoveredhereyesasthesunsparkledofftheglasssmoothwaterandshelookedahead.Shecould

makeouttherowsoftableinthefieldbesidethehouseandshecouldseeagroupofpeoplewaitingon

the beach for her arrival. The whole day was going to be spent outdoors with her new friends from

Isafjordurandheroldfriendsfromthestates.Foodwouldbepreparedonarowofcharcoalbarbecues

andafirepithadbeensetupforlaterintheevening.Everythingaboutwhattheyhadorganisedforthe

day was completely Icelandic in nature, simple, honest and authentic with everything stripped down to

whatmatteredthemost.

AstheygotcloserSashaclosedhereyesandrockedgentlywiththemovementoftheboat.Shecounted

down from twenty and with each second passed the ball of excitement inside her grew until she was

engulfedinitswarmth.Whensheopenedhereyesagaintheboatwasslowingdownasitdrewupbeside

theshortwoodendock.

Jonas was standing on the beach looking at her and when their eyes locked Sasha's heart swelled with

emotion. He was wearing a traditional Icelandic suit with a high necked collar and simple lines that

complementedSasha'straditionalvikingstyledressineggshellwhitewithintricateembroideryacross

hershoulders.

Whenshewasayounggirlandshehadfantasisedaboutbeingsweptupintothestrongarmsofavikingit

was nothing like the scene before her. What she was now seeing was real and better than any childish

dreamsheoncehad.Shewavedtothepeoplegatheredonthebeachandawarmcheerwentupfromthe

crowdoffamiliarfaces.SashacouldalreadyseetheglintofatearinGudtorseyesasheheldhiswife

tightagainsthim.

Thisbeautifullandiswheremyfuturewillunfold,theseamazingpeoplewillbemynewfamilyandJonas

is the man of my dreams Sasha thought as she stepped from the boat and on to the dock. Sasha walked

along the dock towards her new life in Iceland as the summer sun shone bright and sure in the blue

expanseabove.

Muchhappensthatoneexpectstheleast.[Grettis]

-Verðrþatervariroksváhittereigivarir.