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town for Yictrolas, and tliey suggest a wording something 1 ik<» this: “Hear the latest and highest priced records. One especially we guarantee as pleasing, the irresistable giggle of Madame Agnes Stivei\ wlio lias at last eondescended to lend her talents to spreading the fanie of the Victrola. May be heard on records which cost $10 to $15. Guaranteed to make the thrills run up and down your spine.“

L.—AYhat an absurd price to pay for such a record. But just listen to the latest report from the Eskimo War. Mr. Solbert (ireenberger, you will reinember, started out willi an exploring expedition to capture a glacier for the Smithsonian Institute, found himself in the war zonę and at one time as report States, in the midst of a hattle, before be was aware. At that point he serambled (piickly on a horse and gallopecl madly to the front shouting. ‘‘Weil, I read an artiele on war once"—and ordered the eommanding officer to the rear and took eommand himself. As a result his side won. Ile is now wearing a prieeless eollar hutton madę of walrus tusk which was presented to him by his grateful allies.

B.—I always knew he would make a name for himself.

L.—It will be a big feature of tonights issue. This is siinply a rough draft of the fnets, you know. I will give it a better write up later.

B.—I also received word from the Scientifio Department of the Damaseus Academy that Brof. Leo Windle bas been trying to change the seasons so that it will always be May.

L.— Weil that*s to be expected. I always knew that would be a lasting case. By the way. have you written up that column on English Suffrage, yet?

B.—No; you do it. It worries me to think of those poor English women haven’t got eontrol of the ba Hot yet, so you do it. please.

L.—(Takes notę book and writes busily, reading aloud as she writes.) The well-known model. Kred llarrotf. who reeently married the second daughter of the vener-able Mrs. Bankhurst. will now take a stand with his wife and will liead the suffragettes on their next attaek on Water Plugs. It is reportod he has beeome very ski11 ful in throwing brickbats and other dangerous missles in late years. and it is to be hoped that this new addition to the eorps will eeentually bring them success.

B.—You certainly won't have any trouble getting a good editorial on that. llere is a most interesting communication, a reąuest to publish a notę of thanks.

L.—A notę of thanks to whom ?

B.—To Mr. Eugene Wbite. (Listen.)

Mr. Eugene. Wbite,

liead of Korest Keserves in Montana:

Dear Sir:—1 take this opportunity of thanking you and your men for so kindly remembering us by sending specimens of trees that never “ leave. ’’ They are highly appre-ciated by our class and I beg to join with them in expressing the desire that you may sonie day tind time to visit our classes in person.

Yours sincerely,

HERBERT CHURCII, Professor of Agriculture. Salem High Sehool.

L.—Sounds rather egotistieal. Why didn^?t he write him a personal letter? We’11 publish it, of course.

B.—Oh. by the way where is the New York Tribune ?

L.—There on top of the waste basket. Really Freckles is the most harum-scarum youngster. -Just look at this room. He never straightens things up right. (Looks around.)

B.—O well, here is what we want. Just looking for an artiele we were to copy from it. (Searehes busily.) At last—O there it is now. “Any information eoncerning the whereabouts of Miss Ida Holdereith, last heard of when traveling in Brazil and

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