I Faint Therefore I AM

Tabbi W

Posted on Wednesday, 17 January 2001, at 6 : 44 p.m.

The iridescent lights reflected off the white walls, almost blinding in it's glow. Hospital staff walked to and fro smiling friendly at the patients sitting in the waiting room as they walked by. Those smiles seemed almost menacing to one Elizabeth Bennet, who sat next to her sister, as they waited for her name to be called. It seemed like they had been there for hours, just waiting... and waiting... and waiting. Elizabeth looked at her watch...Oh my gosh! It had been hours! Why, it was already 4 p.m. and she had arrived at just a little after 1 p.m. when she had first felt a little woozy. Yes...WOOZY! Hey it's my story I can make her woozy if I wanna...now if I may continue?...Alright, then!

Now, this might not alarm some people because it was the Cold Season...yes the Cold Season. Not Wabbit Season or even Duck Season...but it most definitely was the Cold Season! However, the reason it worried Elizabeth was because she never got sick.

*GASP* How does she manage that feat you ask? Why, because she's the heroine of course! You can't have a sickly heroine! It's just not done...but somehow, some way, she had become... ill!

Now, dear readers, please calm yourselves! Let's not get over excited just yet. After all, nothing is impossible and more than likely it is just a little cold...perhaps caught by the Noble Authoress who seems to have caught the bug herself...

But more than likely it's just an excuse for this Authoress to create some Angst in her story...yes ANGST! That horrifying word that has become the very essence of Evil as of late, and it's even been outlawed in two states already! Anyway...back to the story...

And so they sat, Elizabeth Bennet and her sister, Jane, in the Waiting Room...waiting! Not a word was spoken, just the wheezy breaths of other patients who also sat...waiting.

What? Why aren't they talking? Well, it's not called the Talking Room! It's called the Waiting Room! Now quit interrupting so I may tell my story! Hrumph!

Fifteen more minutes went by as the patients waited...

"Miss Elizabeth Bennet." Came a nasally voice from the doorway opposite the Waiting Room. There stood a short red haired female nurse dressed in pink scrubs and yet looking all the world like she had just stepped off the cover of Teen Magazine.

Elizabeth walked toward the nurse, Jane following right behind. "Hi. If you'll just step this way I need to take your blood pressure and temperature before the Doctor sees you."

Elizabeth grumbled. Out of all the nurses, I have to be stuck with some young twit that looks like she just came out of Junior High. Great, just great! I hope I don't have to have an IV; otherwise I'll look like a heroine junkie with all the tracks she's going to leave on my arm...

(Yes, you all in the audience know exactly what she's talking about don't you! *shudders* Oh, the horror! Those new Nurses miss veins like nobody's business! anywho, back to the story...)

After having her B/P and TPR taken, Nurse Bambi (yes that was her actual name!) led Elizabeth down the hallway and over to a hospital bed. She grabbed a gown and laid it upon the bed, then turned to Elizabeth, "The ER is a bit busy tonight, I'm really sorry you had to wait so long. If you would please change into this gown so the Doctor can examine you, she'll be in as soon as she can." And with that statement Bambi closed the curtains around the area and left.

"Gee, I sure am glad I'm not dying, Jane. I'd be dead before the Nurse even got around to me." Elizabeth muttered as she pulled off her blouse and put the gown on.

"Oh, Lizzy. I am sure they're doing all they can." Jane said, comfortingly. Lizzy just rolled her eyes and hoisted herself up on the bed and began kicking her feet against the rails.

Clang...Clang...Clang...CLANG...CLANG...

"HEY! WOULD YOU CUT THAT OUT? I HAVE A BLOODY HEADACHE!" A masculine voice shouted from the other side of the curtain.

Elizabeth was shocked into stopping. "Well, I never!" She gasped indignantly, and then shouted back. "You could have asked politely you know!"

"And you could have politely just not made noise. Jeez! What is it with women? You can't tolerate silence, always have to be yammerin' away, or making noise..." more incoherent grumbling came from the other side of the curtain. Elizabeth wisely kept her mouth shut and did her best to ignore the grouch.

"I'll be right back, Lizzy, I'm going to get something to drink, you want?"

"No, I'm not really that hungry. Hey! But if you see a magazine or something could you bring it back for me?" Lizzy asked in a hopeful voice.

"Sure thing, babe." And so Jane left, in search of drinks and entertainment, Party Girl that she is!

Elizabeth hummed to herself and looked around the small area that wasn't exactly a room. She spotted a strange looking device and stared at it trying to figure out what it was used for. But it looked kind of scary so maybe she was better off not knowing...

The soft sound of the curtains being pulled back brought Lizzy back to the present. She looked over to see a middle aged woman with too-tanned skin, too-blonde hair, and a beaming smile enter.

"Hello, Elizabeth, my name is Doctor Sterling. How are you feeling?"

Elizabeth smiled warily. She really hated doctors. "I'm really feeling alright at the moment."

"That's good, good." The Doctor then proceeded to make the usual sounds that doctors do while reading your chart before looking back up at Lizzy. Without saying a word, she walked over to her and put her two fingers on Lizzy's wrist and stared at her watch for a minute. "Mmmm Hmmm." She mumbled to herself and scribbled on the paper. "Alright, could you lie back so I can examine you, please?" the Doctor washed her hands and donned a pair of latex gloves. "Let me know if you feel any pain at all, ok."

Lizzy nodded, and watched anxiously as the Doctor pushed and squeezed here and there, testing for tenderness. After she finished with that, Doctor Sterling put on her stethoscope and put the end to Lizzy's chest. "Ok, take a deep breath."

Thuu...

Ump...

Wheeeeeeeeeze...

Thuu...

Thu...

"Mmm Hmm," the Doctor said again, moving the stethoscope. "Breath."

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasp...

Thuu...

Uump...

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze...

The Doctor took her stethoscope off and scribbled some more notes down on Lizzy's chart. Then she looked up with a slight frown creasing her brow.

"Have you ever had any surgeries?"

Elizabeth frowned, "No."

"Mmm Hmm, are you allergic to any medicine?"

"No."

"Have you ever been pregnant?"

"No."

"Have you ever been abducted by aliens?"

"......Huh?"

"I'll take that as a no. Have you ever been diagnosed with a heart condition? Or does heart disease run in the family?"

"No and no."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Lizzy frowned, "What does that have to do with anything?"

The Doctor gave Elizabeth a patient look, (the I'm-the-doctor-and-I-know-what's-best-for-you type look) and replied, "Now, this is a very important question and I wouldn't ask if it wasn't."

"Ok, then." Lizzy sounded doubtful but answered anyway. "No, I don't."

"Mmm Hmm...Have you ever been in love?"

"Nooooooo..."

The Doctor looked thoughtful for a moment, and then shook her head. "Just one more question dearie. Have you ever kissed a young man?"

This time Elizabeth's jaw dropped open. "Why do you need to know?"

"Because I'm afraid dear that I've only come to one conclusion for you symptoms."

"And what's that?"

"Well, it's called Cardiovascular Solitudious Syndrome." The Doctor replied.

"Oh, my God! What is that?" Lizzy asked, horrified. Just then Jane walked back in through the curtain.

"What is what?" Jane asked, innocently.

"You see it's a rare disease. Very uncommon actually and usually only strikes heroines in fiction novels..."

"Fiction Novels? How can I catch a fictional disease? This is real life." Elizabeth demanded.

The Noble Authoress shakes her head sadly and looks at the audience. "If only she knew."

"Well, it's not been unknown to happen in real life. But the problem with the disease is that it isn't treatable or even curable really. It's fatal unless..." Doctor Sterling trailed off.

"Unless what?" Lizzy shrieked.

"Oh, my. Well, you see, Cardiovascular Solitudious Syndrome is an illness of the heart, brought about by loneliness and neglect. The only cure is to...fall in love. Within six months. If you do not..." Doctor Sterling looked grim.

Elizabeth gasped in shock as the full import of the Doctor's words sunk in. She let out a shuddering breath, and looked at her sister, who had the look of a doe caught in headlights. (But then again, Jane always looks like this...)

"I'll leave you two alone for a moment. In the meantime, I'll contact the heart surgeon and if he isn't busy perhaps he could come down and answer some questions you might have." Neither lady replied and so the Doctor left.

Jane walked over to the bedside and stared at her sister. "Oh my God, Lizzy. What do we do?"

Elizabeth's mouth opened and shut, but she couldn't say a word. She blinked a few times before she began sobbing. Jane leaned down and hugged her sister, her own tears now falling.

A half hour had passed while the two young ladies discussed options.

"Well, Charles might know somebody. I'm sure I could hook you up..." Jane offered.

"Oh, Jane." Lizzy cried huskily, "You are too good to me! But what if it does not work? I only have six months to find someone to love. But does it have to be a forever love? Or just a passing love...oh there are so many questions going through my mind right now."

Jane patted her hand. "Don't you worry, hun. I'll find somebody..." she stated with determination.

Suddenly, the curtains parted once again. Doctor Sterling stepped through. "I have talked to Doctor Darcy from the Cardiovascular Unit and he would be happy to come down and speak to you about possibilities. Unfortunately, he has an op scheduled in half an hour. Would you like to stay until he has finished? Or you could come back tomorrow?"

Elizabeth glanced toward Jane. "I'll stay. You go ahead, Jane, I will call you when I am finished. I...I need some time alone, anyway."

"Oh, Lizzy, are you sure..."

She squeezed Jane's hand. "I'm sure."

Doctor Sterling smiled encouragingly and left the room so Elizabeth could get dressed.

After seeing Jane to the car, Elizabeth made her way back into the hospital walking slowly toward the Elevator, which would take her to the Fifth floor, where Doctor Darcy's office was located.

She felt as if her whole world had turned completely upside down. Who knew that such a minor thing as feeling woozy could prove to be something fatal. And she, Lizzy, who had never been sick a day in her life...

The soft humming of the Elevator accompanied Elizabeth to her destination and she stepped out, looking around. Ugh, imagine the horror...Orange Walls, everywhere! Gods who would put up such a ghastly colour on a floor where patients came with heart problems? Lizzy shook her head in wonder and walked toward the Nurse's Station down the hall.

A beautiful lady with a haughty mien sat behind the desk, looking contemptuously at the phone, which was pressed snuggly against her ear. "No, I will not be nice to that slob you married. I do not care if you love him, he is absolutely horrid, Louisa...How can I say such things?"

"Excuse me," Elizabeth whispered.

Nurse Bingley looked up and glared, then put up her index finger to indicate she'd be a moment.

Elizabeth stood there for another fifteen minutes as the Nurse behind the desk argued with some woman who was apparently her sister. Suddenly, a feeling of light-headedness came over Elizabeth. She gripped the counter and shut her eyes, breathing deeply. But it was no use; she was too weak...she fainted.

God, where am I? And why is it so dark? Elizabeth groaned and tried to open her eyes but they felt so heavy and tired. But she kept fighting to open them, wondering where she was...she didn't remember going home and going to bed. Then the memories came flooding back...the hospital, the grouchy man, the weird heart disease...and Orange Hallways.

"Oh, good, you're awake." Came a baritone voice from somewhere to her right. Elizabeth tried opening her eyes wider so she could see, but it hurt just to open them a slit.

She licked her dry lips, "Where am I? Who're you?" She lifted a hand to her eyes and rubbed at them. After a few more tries, she opened her eyes fully, only to be damn near blinded as the Doctor shined his light in them. "GAH, what the hell did you do that for?"

"Oh, sorry. Just checking your reflexes."

"By shining a light in my eyes?" Elizabeth asked of the Doctor, whom she still hadn't caught a glimpse of.

"Yes, your visual reflexes. Earlier, you passed out at the desk. Do you remember?"

Elizabeth looked confused, "I did? I remember feeling a little light headed...but then everything sort of blanked out after that...I fainted?"

"Yes." The Doctor replied. "May I ask, what is your name?"

"Elizabeth Bennet."

"And what is the year?"

"2001." Elizabeth blinked a few times; her vision was starting to focus. She squinted. "What time is it? Who're you?"

"It is now 8:27 p.m. and my name is Doctor William Darcy. So, you're the Elizabeth that was to come and speak to me."

"Yeah, I guess so." She mumbled as she now had a clear picture of the Doctor. Her brain had just stopped functioning as she gazed upon the most magnificent of creations right before her very eyes. His jaw was sculpted perfection, his hair a thick, and curly brown, and warm chocolate brown eyes in the most handsome face she had ever seen. His body certainly didn't fail the drool test; it was also perfectly gorgeous! Lean yet muscular, he stood a few inches taller than Elizabeth herself. Suddenly, her heart started thumping fast...so fast it echoed across the entire room. Her eyes widened in fear. She gripped the Doctor's hand. "Oh my God! Am I going to die?"

The Doctor could scarcely answer as he beheld the most beautiful, glorious angel he had ever laid eyes on. (That Doctor Darcy liked to lay his eyes in many places if you get my drift...*wink*) "I...I...No, you're not going to die!" he finally answered.

"Oh, I'm not?" Elizabeth sounded relieved and breathless as she gazed deeply into his eyes.

"No." He said in a breathy whisper, as he leaned down closer to Elizabeth. "You cannot."

Elizabeth's tongue darted out and wet her lips, "Why not?"

William's gaze followed that pink tongue caressing her full, red lips, wanting his own lips to touch hers. "Because..." he swallowed nervously. "Because...I love you!" he declared. (OH MY...who saw that one coming? GASP!!!)

"Oh, my beloved, William! I love you too!" And suddenly, Elizabeth didn't feel weak or helpless anymore. She was all-better! CURED! YAAAAAAAAAAY!

And so we end here as the two lovers came together in a passionate embrace, sealing their Fate with a Kiss!

The End.

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