Abelie

(HadesRidersMC)

By

BelleWinters

Thisbookisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,placesandincidentsare

eithertheproductoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfictionally.Any
resemblancetoactualpersons,livingordead,ortoactualeventsorlocalesis
entirelycoincidental.

ThiseBookislicensedforyourpersonalenjoymentonly.ThiseBookmay

notbere-soldorgivenawaytootherpeople.Ifyouliketosharethisbookwith
anotherperson,pleasepurchaseanadditionalcopyforeachpersonyoushareit
with.

Copyright©2017ShannonJackson.Allrightsreserved.Includingthe

righttoreproducethisbookorportionsthereof,inanyform.Nopartofthistext
maybereproducedinanyformwithouttheexpresswrittenpermissionofthe
author.

Version2017.03.01

TableofContents

Introduction

Chapter1

Chapter2

Chapter3

Chapter4

Chapter5

Chapter6

Chapter7

Chapter8

Chapter9

Chapter10

Chapter11

Chapter12

Chapter13

Chapter14

Chapter15

Chapter16

Epilogue

Epilogue2

Introduction

Lucifer

I’vebeeninashittyfuckingmood.First,IwasangrythatIhadgotridof

Abelie.Iknowitwasirrationalbutshewasagoodfuck.Morethangood,hellI
neverhadbetterifIwashonestandIwasn’treadytogivethatup.Plus,shegot
undermyskin.Idon’tknowwhatitwasabouther.Thewomanconstantlybeatthe
shitoutofme,notthatherblowseverhurtanybutI’vekilledforless.Letoneof
thoseclubbitcheseventhinkofraisingahandtomeI’dbreakherneckandhere
thispint-sizedBarbiewasabusingtheever-lovingshitoutofme.

Thenthere’shermouth,she’ssaidenoughtohavehertonguecutthefuck

out.Forsomegoddamnreasonthethoughtnevercrossedmymindtodo
anythingtoher.Plus,thosecrocodiletearsdidsomethingtomyinsides.Ididn’t
likehercryingorpoutingandthatgotherwhatevershewanted.Butthenagain,
thosearethereasonswhyIdidn’tkeepher.Icouldn’t.Shewasbecominga
weaknesstome.ThefactIsoughtherouteverynightandwokewithherevery
morningwasawarningbell.Whenthetimecame,IknewwhatIhadtodo.

Ioftenfoundmyselfgoingintoheroldroom.Itstillsmelledlikeher,vanilla.I

mustbelosingmymindbecauseIactuallyfuckingmissedher.I’dstoppedmyself
moretimesthanI’dcaretoadmitfromgoingtoherhouseandpoundingheruntil
herbedbrokethroughthewall.Then,Bulldropsabombonme.Shewasfucking
pregnant.AssoonasthosewordsfelloutofhismouthIfeltmyworldshatterto
pieces.IwasinstantlywarpedbackintimeandIwasthathelpless17-year-old
againwithaknocked-upbitchofanex-girlfriend.AllIcoulddowasseeNancy,
herspineless,deceptiveass.IstormedovertoAbelie’sapartmenttotearhera
newone.Iheardeverythingshesaidbutitwasbeingdrownedoutbythe
memoriesofmypast.Nomatterwhat,whenIlookedatherNancy’sfacewasallI
saw.HervoicewassuspiciouslylikeNancy’s.ThentherewasthepainthatNancy
caused.Allofthethingsshecausedmetosacrifice,theonethingthatmeantalot
tomethatshesacrificed.Inhindsight,theentiretimeIwashavingafightwith
Nancy,notAbelie.

AfterIstormedoutofherapartment,Icamebackhereandgotdrunk.It

wasn’tuntilacoupleofdayslaterthatBull–shortforbulldozer–didjustthatas
hestormedintomyofficeandslammedhisfistintomyface.Iwastakenaback,
sincehenevercomesatmethisway.WhileIwasstuckinmyshockedstatehe
slammedhisfistintomyfaceagainandpushedmehardagainstthewall.Best
friendornot,thatshitwasn’tgoingtofly.Ipreparedmyselfforafightwhenhe
startedflyingoffthehandle.

Apparently,heandAbeliekeptintouchwhichIknewbecauseI’mafucking

stalkerwhenitcomestoherassandshe’dtoldhimwhathappened.Herippedme
anewone.I’veknownBullsinceIcrossedpathswithhiminashelter.Itwasmy

firsttimeandhehelpedmeoutwhensomeshithappened.Fromthereon,we
becamegoodfriends.HeknowsallaboutmypastandIhis.Thefactthatwehad
alotincommoniswhatbondedussoquickly.Wehadanunderstandingabout
whatit’sliketobealone,toraiseyourself.AtleasthehadNettieinhisyounger
yearsbeforemeetingme.Ihadnooneuntilhim.

Needlesstosay,hetalkedsenseintome.Shewasn’tNancy,andthere

wasn’tanythingshecouldreallygainfromme.It’snotlikeshewaslackinginher
ownmillions.Forthefirsttimeinmylife,Ihadtrueregretovermyownactions
andlikethefuckingcowardIwasIcouldn’tapologize.Myegowouldn’tallowit.
Soinstead,Idecidedtobidemytime.Inreality,Ididn’tknowhowItrulyfeltabout
anyofitbecauseIdidn’twanttothinkaboutit.InsteadIpushedittothebackof
mymindtofesterallthewhileIpretendeditdidn’texistanditwasdrivingmemad
fromtheinsideout.IknowIwasbeinganevenbiggerjerkandwascompletely
irritableandirrationalbuttherewasn’tfuckallanyonecoulddoaboutitunless
theywantedmetotakeoutmyangeronthem.TheonlypersonIwasmadatwas
Abelie,andallthethingsshewasdoingtomyfuckingmind.Iwantedtostrangle
herthenfuckhertillshecouldn’twalk.Iwasconflictedwiththefeelingsand
thoughtsIhadabouther,andIwasafraidtotalkorbenearheruntilIunderstood
whatitallreallymeant.IknewthatifIgaveintomyobsessionwithherI’dfuck
aroundandfallinlovewiththebitch.That’sthelastthingIneededinthisfucked
uplife.

Iwassittinginmyoffice,pissedoffthatfuckingLed’slazyassfucking

missedthedeadlineforthisdealandwelostoutonmakingagood$5mill.
FuckingdickheadItellyou.Iwasonthecomputerlookingforsomenewshitfor
ustogetintowhenBullwalkedin.Ilookedup.

“What’supman?”

“Lucifer…”

“I’mkindofbusyrightnow,canIhityoulater?”Iasked.

Hesighed.“Thisisimport–“

Iwasirate.“Itcan’tpossiblybethatfuckingimportant.Fuckingmoronslost

outonmoneynowI’mlookingtotrytocoverforthatandmakeevenmore.Unless
it’safuckingcontributiontothefuckingclubthengetthefuckout.”

Ihatedtalkingtohimlikethatbutsometimes…hecouldbeapaininmyass.

“Wouldyoufuckinglisten?”

IglancedbackathimandInoticedthechangeinhisstance.Hewasgetting

defensive,andannoyed.Me,Ididn’tgiveaflyingfuckIwasalreadywaypastthat.
“No.Getthefuckout.”

“John!”heshouted.

Myheadsnappedupandmyfaceturnedintoasnarl.“Don’teverfucking

callmethatagainyousonofabitch.”HeknowshowmuchIhatemyname.Ihate

itandeverythingitrepresents.

Hestormedtomydeskandknockedallofthepapersoffandleanedoverso

wewerealmostnosetonose.“Youknowwhat,Ishouldn’tevenfuckingtellyou
shit.Youdon’tdeservetoknowifyou’rethismuchofabastard.”

IlookedintohiseyesandsawhewastormentedandIinstantlyfeltlikea

dick.Hewasn’tnormallythispersistentoverbullshitandIshould’verecognized
thatalready.Instead,I’msofocusedonmydamnselfandmyissuesI’mnot
payingattentiontowhat’shappeningaroundme.That’saveryfuckingdangerous
thinginourlineofbusiness.Thatcouldbethedifferencebetweenlifeanddeath.

Islumpedbackintomychairandsighed.“WhatBull?Whatisit?”

Hescoffedandlookedatmeindisgust,Ididn’tblamehim.“Youdonebeing

aprick?IneedyouasfuckingcalmaspossiblerightnowbeforeItellyouthisshit,
youhearme?”

Mybodytensed.Ididn’tlikeshitlikethatbeingapreludetosomething

important.MystomachclenchedandIfeltsomethingtwist.Itwaslikearedsiren
begungoingoffinmyheadandIknewwhathewasgoingtosaybeforehesaidit.
Actually,notwhatbutwhoandfromthelookhewasgivingmefullofconcernand
skepticismIknewIwasn’tgoingtolikeitonefuckingbit.“Whathappenedtoher?”
Iaskedthroughgrittedteeth.

Apainednoisefellfromhislipsandhelookedphysicallysickwiththewords

onthetipofhistongue.“Nothinghappenedtoher,butsheleft.”

Iflewoutofmyseat.“What?”Iaskedconfused.

“Shefuckingleft.SheaskedmetomeethertoeatandcatchuptodaysoI

didandwhenweweredoneshetoldmeshewasleaving.She’sgoingandnot
comingback.”

Mychesttightenedandamillionfeelingsbombardedmeatonce.Ifeltlost

anddidn’tknowwhichonetograbonto.“Why?Whyissherunning?Didsomeone
hurther?Issomeoneafterher?”IfiredoffquestionafterquestiontoBull.

HelookedmedeadintheeyewithalookthatpracticallyscreamedthatI

wasmissingsomething.WhenIonlycontinuedtostareathimblanklyheshook
hishead.“Yea.You.”

IstayedrootedtothespotevenafterBulllefttheroombutIdidn’tnotice

anything.AllIcouldseeandhearwaswhathejusttoldme.Shewasrunningfrom
me.Shewasfuckingrunningfromme.Ifeltalotofthings,mostIcouldn’teven
fuckingnameandIwantedtopullmyhairout,scream,killsomeone…anyand
everything.Shit,IknowIgotpissedbutseriouslyshehadtofuckingknowI
wouldn’thurther.I’dneverfuckinghurtahaironherhead.WhenIcouldn’tgeta
griponmyselfIdecidedtogripontotheemotionIknew.TheoneIcouldcontrol,
theoneIwasmostusedto.

Anger.

Pureredhotanger.Thetypeyoucouldfeelpulsingthroughyourveins

pushingyouoneggingyoutoreleaseit.IheldonandIheldontight.Thistypeof
anger,madeeverythingzoomintofocus.Onethingonyourmindandonething
only,revenge.Andyou’ddoanyfuckingthingintheworldtogetit.Iwasgoingto
findherassanddragherbackkickingandscreaming.ThenIwasgoingtomake
herpay,makeherpayfordoingthistome.Fromtryingtotakemykidawayfrom
me,fromtryingtohurtme,frommakingmefuckingcare.Sheleftme,even
thoughIwarnedhernotto.She’sgoingtolearnnottofuckingcrossme.She
hasn’tmetLuciferyet,butshe’sgoingto.I’mgoingtofindherandshe’sgoingto
regretthisfortherestofherlife.IleftmyofficewithamissionandIwasn’tgoing
tostopuntilIfinishedit.

NewBeginnings

Chapter1

Ilookedupatthebuildinginfrontofme.Thiswasit,mynewjob…mynew

beginning.IwalkedthroughthefrontdoorswithaconfidenceIhaven’tfeltina
while.I’veneverhadanofficialjobdesigningclothes,onlythethingsI’vedoneon
theside.Iwasextranervousnotknowingwhattoexpect.I’dneverbeenonthis
sideofthebusinessbeforeanddidn’tfullyknowtherules.Howdidtheychoose
whichdesigns?Didtheygiveyouanideaofwhatthey’relookingforandleave
youtoyourowndevices?Isitaweeklycompetitionofwhocancomeupwiththe
bestthing?Orwasit,whateveryoumakeweputontheracks?Iwascompletely
andutterlyflustered.

Ieyedthebuildinglettingmyanxietydissolvewithadeepbreath.Thiswasa

newbeginningandIcouldn’tletalittleanxietygetinthewayofmefinallygetting
atasteofwhatIwant.Isquaredmyshouldersandletmyselfintothebuilding
towardsthefrontdesk.

“GoodMorning,howcanIhelpyouma’am?”Theoldermanatthefrontdesk

greetedme.

“Goodmorning,it’smyfirstday.IwastoldtoaskforJanineCampbell.”

Heofferedmeapleasantsmile.“Surething.Iwillringherup,youjustwait

righthere.”

Ismiledbackandscannedthelobbyashemadethecall.Aurorawasalong

wayfromJerseyI’lltellyouthat.Thereisn’tthehustleandbustleoftheCityand
goodnessthepeopleherearejustextremelymorepleasant.Forsomeone
technicallyontherun,itwasn’tbadatall.Sure,Iwasrunawayfromthefew
friendsandfamilyIhadbythatmonsterofamanbutit’snotlikeImadeoutina
badwayinthisdeal.Inallreality,IthinkthatImadeoutprettydarnsweet.

It’sonlybeenafewdayssinceI’vemadeitheretoCayugabutI’malready

feelingprettysettledwhichcanbeextremelydangerous.Imean,Iamrunning
fromLucifer–thepresidentofHadesRidersmotorcycleclub,aswellasthe
paternalpappitothebabyinmywomb.Yep,hedidn’twantmenonethelessto
knockmeup.Ashesoeloquentlyputit,Iwasafuckandnothingmore.Thenhad
theaudacitytothreatentotakemybaby.So,Ididwhatanyrationalwomaninmy
situationwoulddo…IcameupwithanelaborateplanwhereIthoughtof
everythingpossibleandgottheheckoutofdodge.

AbelieBianchihasseizedtoexistandJiannaMancinihasemerged.Born

andraisedinMaryland,movedtoCayugaafterlosingherparentsinafatalcar
crashthatkilledallpeopleinvolved,ontheirwaytotheairportinacardrivenby
mypreviousfiancée–alsothebabydaddy–andI’mnowaloner.Waybetterthan
therealdealifyouaskme.Theonlypartthathasbeenextremelydepressingwas
leavingmydadbehindwithoutaword.Growingup,it’salwaysbeenmeandhim

andhewasafinedad.HewasalsothereasonwhyI’devenmetLuciferandI
knewhejusthastobeworriedsick.I’dassumebynow,wordofmeleavinghas
gottenbacktohiminanattempttofindme.Thenagain,Icouldjustbereally
bigheadedrightnowandthinkI’mmoreimportanttoLuciferthanIreallyam.

Yousee…mydadsomehowgottenhimselfinamesswiththemob.That

storyIstilldon’tevenknowthedetailsto.Anyway,hehiredLucifertokeepme
safeandhiddenwhilethesituationwasresolved.SomewhereinthemixIwent
fromloathing,tolike,toreallyreallydeeplike….DareIsayalmosttolove.Just
whenthingsstartedtogetgoodbetweenus,itwastimetoreturnmehome.Then
whathappens?Ifigurehe’soutofmylifeforeverandI’dneverseehimagainand
IfindoutI’mpregnant.Wanttomakeabadsituationworse?Iknewhewouldn’t
wanttobeinvolvedsoIdecidedtokeepmyownsecret–whichwasonlyforced
outofmebyhisVPandbestfriendwhenhegottheinformationmisconstruedand
wasthreateningbodilyharmtoabunchofpeople.IncludingonepersonI’ve
gottenextremelyclosewith.HespilledthebeanstoLuciferwhothennotonly
threatenedmebutdegradedme.So,ifthat’snotenoughofareasontorun,thenI
havenocluewhattheheckis.Whatamess!

Let’sgetbacktothehereandnow.I’vealwayswantedtobeafashion

designer,withmynameontagsandpeoplehappyandwantingtowearmy
designs.I’vealwaysdoneitonthesideandI’mfinallyinapositiontomake
clothesthatwillenduponarackinaverypopularstore.Thisisjustanotherstep
towardswhereIwanttobe.I’veplannedto‘findout’aboutmypregnancyatmy
nextprenatalappointmenthereinCayugasoitfallsinplacewithhavingto
disclosewiththejob.Itisillegaltofiremeforgettingknockedupbyajerkafterall.

Afewminuteslater,anolderwomancameofftheelevatorswithabright

smile.Shewasdressedcasuallyinjeansandalong-sleevedshirt.“Hiyoumust
beJianna”shesaidingreeting.

Ireturnedhersmileandtookherprofferedhand.“Iam.”Isaidlookingdown

atmyclothingfeelingabitoverdressed.I’dwornaskirtsuitformyfirstday.

Shemust’venoticedmescrutinizingmyselfbecauseshechuckledsoftly.

“Nottoworrydear,wedresscasuallyherewithwhatwedo,buteveryonedoes
thisontheirfirstday.Noonewilljudgeyouandbesideswewillbedoingmainly
HRstuffandgettingyousetup.However,inthefutureI’dsuggestagainstit,you’ll
beveryuncomfortable.Werealizemostofussitathomeinsweatsandpajamas
whilewe’redesigning…wedon’tneedtobedresseduptighttodothat.”Igave
herasmile.“Let’sgetyouallsetup,shallwe?Didyoubringallofthe
documentation?”

Inoddedandpattedthebagonmyside.“Isuredid.”

“Great!Let’sgetstarted.”

Forthenextfewhourswewentthroughthemotionsofgettingmeallsetup

intheirsystemsandeventuallyIwastakentomyworkstation.Theywerelarge

sharedcubieswithoneneighborandsinceIhadn’tbeensetupyet,Idecidedto
possiblygettoknowtheguywhomIwouldbesittingnexttoandmaybegetsome
informationonhowthingsworkedaroundhere.

“HiI’mJianna,I’mnewhereandI’llbesittingnexttoyou.”Isaidtotheguys

backpointingattheemptychair.

Hespunaroundandscannedmeoverwithathoughtfullook.“Wellaren’t

youjustcute?Buthoney,theoutfit…”hebegangesturingtomysuit,“WhileI
totallyloveit,itwillgetinyourwayhere.You’regoingtobeupanddownonyour
feetrunningaroundgrabbingfabrics,gettingalltypesofholesandpossibly
stains.”Heleanedforwardlikehewastellingmeasecret.“Wearthecheapstuff
youwouldneverletyourmanseeyouin,trustme.”Withthathethrewmeawink
andturnedbacktowhathewasdoing.

Itookthatasaninvitationtocontinuetalkingtohim.“So,howdoesthis

work?Wejustcreatestuffeverydayandthey’reputontherackandweseehow
theydo?”Iasked.

Heshookhisheadnottakinghisfocusonwhathewasworkingon.“It’srare

youfinishonepieceinaday.Ideally,theylikeeveryonetohaveatleastone
completedpieceeveryweek.Obviouslyifit’safulloutfit,they’dgrabitwhenall
theitemsaredone.”

Inodded.“Okwhatelse?”Iasked.

Hechuckled.“Sweetie,IwouldlovetochatwithyoualldayhoweverIhave

gottomakeadentinthisdesigntoday.I’lltellyouwhat,wecangooutgrabfood
anddrinksandI’llfillyouinonalloftheneedtoknowsofthisplacewhenwe’re
donefortheday.How’sthatsound?”heasked.

Inoddedexcitedly.Ihaven’tbeenoutwithanyonesinceI’vebeenhere.

Sure,it’sonlybeenaveryshortperiodoftimebuttheideaofpotentialcompany
wascomforting.IwasafraidthatIwouldn’thavethisluxurywhilebeinghereand
withmyparanoiabutIwouldn’tletthatholdmeback.“Sure,soundsgreat.”I
turnedtowalktomyseatanddecidedIcouldgetonemorequestionin.“Bythe
way,what’syourname?”Iasked.

Hesmiled.“Howrudeofme,excuseme.I’mJameshoneyandI’mgoingto

beyournewBFF.”OnelastwinkandIlethimreturntohisworkinpeace.

Whentheworkdaywasover,mainlymesettingupmystationIleftwith

James.Ifollowedbehindhimtoanicecozylookingrestaurant.Ihoppedoutofmy
carfullofexcitementforanightout.TheplaceturnedouttobeaMexican
restaurant.Westartedoffwithappetizersbeforehebegantobombardmewith
questions.

“SoJianna,whatbringsyoutothislittleol’town?”heasked.

Ishrugged.“Neededachangeofscenery…howdidyouknowIwasnew

aroundhere?”

Hegavemeaslylook.“Honey,thataccentofyoursdefinitelydidn’tcome

fromtheseparts.Thatwasadeadgiveaway.Sowhereareyoufrom?”

Itookalonggulpofmylemonadementallypreparingmyselftorecitethe

storythatI’dbuilt.“I’moriginallyfromMaryland,Imovedhereacoupleofweeks
ago.You’rekindofthefirstpersonI’vemetsofar.”

Hesmiled.“Good,I’mthebestthereisanyway.Now,tellmeaboutyour

passionforfashion…”

Wecontinuedtalkingaboutdesigningandhefilledmeinonalltheneedto

knowsaboutthecompany.Iwasextremelygratefulandithelpedeaseatonofmy
anxietyaboutthenewjob.I’dbeenloadinguponlemonadeandexcusedmyself
tothebathroom.WhenIwalkedout,ahandgrippedmyarmandmyheart
stoppedcompletely.Therewasnowayhefoundme,I’dbeensocareful.

“Hellogorgeous.”Avoicedrawledfrombehindme.

Iwasfilledwithinstantrelief.Granted,Ishouldbeconcernedabout

someoneobviouslyinvadingmypersonalspacebutIwas100%surethatit
wasn’tLucifer.Iturnedtofacethemysterypersonbehindmeandtherestooda
verytallverycuteguy.Hehaddirtyblondehairneatlystyledwithalightgoatee.
Hehadpiercingblueeyesandhewassportingcasualandcomfortableclothes.I
couldn’thelpbutreturnhissmile.

“Hithere.”

“I’mGavin,whomightyoube?”

“Ab-“Iclearedmythroat.“I’mJianna.”

“Beautifulnameforabeautifulgirl.”Hesaidscanningmeover.

Iblushed.“Aren’tyouasmoothtalker?”

Heshookhisheadchuckling.“No,notatall.CanIbuyyouadrink?”

Thatsoundedlikeadream,butIknewIcouldn’t.“Thanks,butI’mactually

herewithafriend.”

Heseemedtodeflateinstantly.“Oh,it’salright…”hetrailedoffandthe

rejectionwascomingoffofhiminwaves.ThelastthingIwantedtodowasmake
himthinkIwasjustblowinghimoff.

“I’mserious!Wecanwalkthatwaytogether.Youhavetopassmytableto

gettothebar.”Ioffered.

Henodded.“Ok,sure.”

HewalkedbymysideuntilwereachedmytableandIplannedtointroduce

them.OnlyIdidn’thaveto.“James?Heyman,what’sgoingon?”Gavingreeted
asheapproached.

“Gavin…”Jamesdrawledwithstarsinhiseyes.Gavinlaughednervously

andgrippedthebackofhisneck.Ifrownedinconfusion.Jameswavedoffhis
uneasiness.“Don’tworry,Iwon’tfulfillmypromisetoday,I’llletyougofornow…
justknowonedayIwillbringyoutotheotherside.”

Gavinclearedhisthroat.“Ok,I’mgoingtogo.”Helookedovertome.“I’llsee

youaroundJianna.”Hesaidwithawinkandsaunteredaway.Icouldn’thelpbut
checkouthisjeancladbehindashewalkedaway,impressive.

Jamesfannedhimself.“Iswear,theroomgetsabout50degreeshotter

whenhestepsintoit.Checkyououthoney,you’vebeenherehowlongandyou
alreadyhaveoneofthetownshottestandmostwantedandeligiblemendrooling
overyou.WhatIwoulddotobeinyourshoes…”hetrailedoff.

ItwasbeginningtoclickintoplacewithmebutIdidn’twanttomakeany

incorrectassumptions.“Whatwasthatallabout?”Iinquired.

Jamesrolledhiseyes.“Thisisasmalltownthere’sonlybutsomany

schoolsasyoucanimagine.Wewenttoschooltogetherandeveryonelovedthat
man,myselfincluded.Youseethistownisn’thomophobicandisactuallyvery
acceptingsoitwasn’tlikehowyouwouldimagine.It’slikeabigfamilyandyou’re
notjudgedforalotofthings.Everyonetreatsyoulikeyouweretheirownora
brotherorsister.Thestraightguysherearen’treallyoffendedwhenaguycrushes
onthem…Imeanaslongasyoudon’tcrossanylinesbutthatwouldgono
matterwhatyoursexualpreference.Anyway,amutualfriendofoursgotmarried
andIhadtoomuchchampagneandItoldhimitwasmygoalinlifetogethimto
pitchformyteam…”hewaggledhiseyebrows.“IfyouknowwhatImean.Theguy
isjusttoomuchmanforhimself.”

Ismiled.“Ok,makesperfectsense.”

Jamesleanedinlikehewasgoingtotellmeasecret.“So,areyougoingto

goonadate?Youcannotsaynodarling.”

Ishookmyhead.“No,Idon’tthinkso…”

Jameslookedexasperated.“Wewillworkonthat,now…haveyouever

handledsilk?”heaskedchangingthesubjectforwhichIwasgrateful.

Chapter2

JamesandIcontinuedtogetcloseoverthenextfewweeks.Hedraggedme

shoppingandouttoeat.I’dbeenabletogetawayfromtheclubbingnightsbutit
wasgettinghard,hewaspersistent.Istillhadn’tdisclosedmypregnancyto
anyoneandIstillwasn’tready.Iwouldprefertoholdofffromrevealingmysecret
foraslongaspossible.

Todayduringlunch,Jamesaskedmetoaccompanyhimlaterontogotothe

malltogetapairofshoes.Iagreed,knowingIcouldusesomenewflats.The
heelswereabouttobeplacedinthebackoftheclosetfortheunforeseenfuture.I
wasn’texactlyshowingandI’vebeendoingverywellwithmywardrobechoices,
myfeethoweverseemedtobegrowingandswellingfasterthananything.

Whenwegotthere,Jamesappearedtoberushingthroughtheshoestore

constantlycheckinghiswatch.Iguesshehadplanslater,butitwasunusual.
WhenIasked,heclammedupwhichmademefeelextremelyunsettled.Iwasin
noplacetofeellikesomeonewaskeepingsecretsfrommeornotbeingtotally
honest,Icouldn’taffordit.Tomakemattersworse,hewasbasicallytheonly
personIhadthesedaysbutIcouldn’ttakethatrisk.Wewalkedovertothefood
courtafter,andboughtshakesandtookaseat.

“Whatisgoingonwithyoutoday?”IaskedJames.

Hecontinuedtoscantheroomoblivioustomyquestion.Hiseyelitupat

somethingacrosstheroomandItriedtofollowhisgazenotquiteseeingwhat
hadallofhisattention.Givingup,Igotupandgotextrawhippedcreamformy
shake.WhenIreturned,Jameswasnolongeratthetablealone.Iwalkedup
cautiouslyandwhenthenewadditionturnedaroundIletoutadeepsigh.

“HiGavin.”Igreetedhimflatly.Itwasn’tthatIwasunhappytoseehim,but

thiswasatotalsetupifI’veeverseenone.

“HiJianna,nothappytoseeme‘eh?”Heasked.

Ismiled.“Itisn’tthat,Ijustwasn’texpectingtoseeyoubutitappearsyou

wereexpectingtoseeus.”IsaidshootingaglareatJameswhohadthedecency
tolookguilty.

Gavinstood.“I’msorry.Don’tblameJames,I’vebeenhoundinghimabout

youandhefinallyagreedtothis.It’smyfaultIjustreallywantedtoseeyou
again.”Herambled.

Ishookmyheadunabletostaymad.“It’sfine.Itisgoodtoseeyouagain.”I

tookaseat.“Howareyou?”Iasked.

“Youdon’tmindmestaying?”Heaskedhesitantly.

Ishookmyhead.“We’reallherearen’twe,mightaswellstay.”

Weallstayedchattingforabout45minutesbeforethetirednesscreptinand

Ineededtogethomeandrelax.“Heyguys,IthinkIneedtocallitaday.”Isaid
standing.

Jamesnodded.“Yesdoll,settingthisuphasbeendraining.”

Irolledmyeyes.“Yea,sure.”

Gavinlaughed.“I’llwalkyoutoyourcar.”Heoffered.JamessighedandI

lookedovertoseehimholdinghisheadupstaringatJameslikehewalkedon
water.Icouldn’tholdmyscoffback.GavinturnedtolookatJamesandlaughedat
thewayhewasgazingathim.

Gavinwalkedmetomycarinacomfortablesilence.Whenwegotthere,I

unlockedthedoorsandheopenedthedriver’sdoorforme.Islidinandheheld
thedooropenstaringatme.“So,doyouthinkwecouldmaybegrabdinneror
something?”Heasked.

Ibitmylipnotsurewhattodo.Heseemedniceenough,butlet’sbeserious

Iwasinnowayreadyforanythingnew.Thenagain,whatwasIgoingtodo?
KeepmylifeonholdoverLucifer?So,Idecidedtothrowcautiontothewind,ifI’m
startingmylifeoverIneededtobefullycommitted.“Sure.”

“Friday?Let’ssay8,I’llpickyouup?”heasked.

Inodded.“Sure,letmegiveyoumynumber.”Weswappednumbersandhe

gavemeasmilebeforeclosingmein.HestayedinhisspotwatchingasIdrove
away.

WhenFridayeveningcamearound,Iwasatrainwreck.Thiswasreallymy

firstrealdatecometothinkofit.Before,allofthedatingI’ddonehadbeen
sneakingaroundandnotgettingcaughtwasmyprimaryfocus.Then,therewas
Lucifer…wekindofskippedthenormaldatinggettingtoknowyouphase.That
wasjustlikeaninsanewhirlwindofintenseemotionsandfeelingsandsex.
Passionate,neverbeforeexperienced,earthshatteringsex.Ishookmyheadto
clearallthoughtsofLuciferandfocusedonthetaskathand.I’veneverjustbeen
freetodowhateverIpleased,toacceptadateandgoanywherewewanted
withouttheworryofmydadorsomeoneruiningit.

Afterchangingmyclothesfourtimes,Ifinallysettledonapeachcolored

chiffondress.Ithadaprettybeadednecklineandfelllooselytojustabovemy
knee.Atfiveminutesto8IswipedonsomebigbabylipglossbyMacandthe
doorbellrang.Idrewinadeepbreathandwenttothedoor.

Gavinstoodthereinapairofdarkbluefittedjeans–thankfullynottight–

andanavy-bluebuttonupshirtandhehadthesleevesrolleduptohiselbows.
Thatwassuchasexylook,it’salmostlikeguysdothatasateaser.Justtogeta
girlsimaginationgoing…tryingtoguesswhatelsethatshirtwascovering.He
smiledashescannedovermyoutfit.

“Youlookamazing.”Hesaid.

Iblushed.“Youdon’tlooksobadyourself.”

Hetookmyhandandbrushedhislipslightlyagainstthebackofit.“Ready?”

HeaskedandInodded.

Ilockedupandhehelpedmeintohiscarbeforeheadingovertothe

restaurant.TheplacelookedfairlyfancyfromtheoutsideandIglancedatmy
outfithopingIdressedproperlyfortheplace.Heledmeinsidewithhishandlying
gentlyatthesmallofmbackguidingmebehindthehostess.Wetookourtime
withdinnertalkingabouteverythingandnothing.Iwashavingsuchagreattime,
thatwhendesertarrivedIdreadedwhatIwasgoingtodo.

YouseeGavinseemedperfect.HewasthemanthatI’ddreamedwould

eventuallycomeintomylifeandbeunafraidofmyfatherandhisridiculousrules
andjustsweepmeoffofmyfeet.Hewastheperfectgentleman;funny,
handsome,chivalrous…younameitheseemedtohaveitinspades.His
physiquewaslikehehitthegymafewtimesaweek,buttherewereotherthings.
Likehisarmstheyweren’taslargeasLucifer’s.Helackedthechestandbroad
shouldersthatcouldcompletelyencasemewheninbed.Helackedthatraw
powerthatexudedoffoffewmenthatpracticallyscreamedhisdominance,that
naturalthreatthatheisnotonetomesswith.Mostimportantly,thepassionthat
couldonlybepulledoffbetweentwopeoplewhowon’tbackdown.Whatwas
lackingwasthatpull,thefeelingthatevenwhenyouwanttorunawayfrom
dangeryouhavenochoicebuttostepdirectlyintotheflame.Thechallenge,the
fire.It’sallconsumingandonceyou’vehadit,it’shardtowantanythingless.

I’msurethatI’mplayingadangerousgamewithmyself.Iknewdeepdown

theissuewasthathewasn’tLuciferandthatwasn’tentirelyhealthyonmypart…I
justcouldn’thelpbutcraveit.Yes,itwasn’tnearlyallbutterfliesandsunshine,but
whenitwasgooditwasamazing.Iwasn’treadytomoveonfromthereandit
wasn’trighttodeceiveorusethisgreatguy.IknewIprobablywouldn’tbeableto
lookathimasmorethanafriendandtruthbetoldIwasn’treadytomoveon.Not
tomentionIcouldn’treallybuildarelationshiponalie.HereIknewIwas
pregnantandevenifheacceptedit–whichIhonestlythoughthewould,he
seemedthatgreat–itwouldn’tbethetruth.Iwasn’tengagedtoagreatmanthat
died.IgotknockedupbyacrazyanddangerousmanwhoI’mhidingfrom.It
wasn’tfairandevenifIwantedmorethananythingtobacktrackandwantthe
thingsIdidbeforeIsteppedfootintheMCIknewcouldn’t.HewaseverythingI
thoughtIwantedinthepastandprobablystillshouldbutafterbeingexposedto
theintensitythatisLuciferandI…howcanyouwantanythingless?

Icouldn’ttellhimthetruthobviouslyandasmuchasIhatedtolietohimI

hadnochoice.Iwouldn’tletmyscrewupshurtthisman.Itookinadeepbreath
andwentforit.

“LookGavin,you’reareallygreatguy…”Istartedandhisheaddropped.

“Pleasedon’t…ifyou’renotintomeitsfinetosayso.”Hetoldme.

Myheartbrokeabitathisdejectedattitude.Ireachedoutandgrabbedhis

hand.“Nolistentome.You’reagreatguyandIreallylikeyouandwouldliketo
remainfriendsIenjoyyourcompany.It’sjustnotagoodtimeforme.”

Heletoutasighandwenttostandasifhewasdonewiththeconversation.

“Canyougivemeaminutetoexplain?”Ipleaded.Forsomestrangereason,I
didn’twanttolosehimaltogether;atleastnotlikethis.Itmightbeselfishbuthe
wastrulysomeoneIcouldhaveasagoodfriend.

Hesatbackdownandgavemehisattention.“IjustmovedtoCayugalikeI

toldyou.YouknowthatI’mnewherejustnotwhyImovedhere.InMaryland,my
parentswereinacarcrash.Myfiancéewasdrivingthemtotheairportandthey
gotintoacaraccident,theyalldied.Ithasn’tbeenthatlongandI’mstilltryingto
piecemyselftogether.I’mnotready…”atleastmyfeelingsweretrue.

Hiseyessoftenedandhereleasedabreath.“I’msorryifIpushedyou,I

didn’tknow.Igetit,Ido…Iwishyou’dhadjusttoldmethattobeginwith.”

Ishookmyhead.“Ilikedyouanddidn’twanttojustblowyouoff.Ijustknow

thatmentallyI’mnotinaplacewherethiswouldeverwork.I’maconfusedmess
insideandIwishIweren’tbutIam.”Itfeltgoodtoadmitthatoutloud.

“Igetit.”Hestoodandofferedmehishand.Itookitandstoodwithhim

whenhepulledmeintohisarms.“Iwishyouweretoo.Let’sgetoutofhere?”he
asked.

WhenIagreed,heputsomemoneydownonthetableandweleft.He

droppedmeoffathomeandwalkedmetothedoor.Helightlybrushedhislips
againstmyforeheadbeforeheadingbacktohiscar.Iwatchedashedroveaway
andabreezepickedup.Iheardthedistantsoundofamotorcycleandmybody
brokeoutingoosebumps.Ilookedaroundfranticallyexpectingforallofthe
HadesRiderstoappearbutnothingmorehappened.Icurledupinmybedand
triedtoputallthoughtsofmyoldlifetothebackofmymind.

ThenextdayhavingtoexplaintoJamesthattherewouldbenoseconddate

formeandGavinwaslikeasoapopera.Hejustcouldn’tacceptitashehadbig
plansofdatingGavinvicariouslythroughme.Tosayhewasthemostdevastated
ofthethreeofuswouldbeanextremeunderstatement.WhenIrecitedthestory
thatI’dmadeupIalmostcouldn’ttaketheguiltthreateningtoconsumeme.He
wasdeeplysorryanditopenedupthefloodgatestoquestionsaboutsaiddead
fiancée.Ihadn’tpreparedmyselffortheselinesofquestioning,soItoldhimthatit
wasahugesorespotandIjustwasn’treadytoopenup.Hereassuredmethathe
wasthereandreadyformewhenIam.NowIhavesomethingelsetolieabout,I
havetocreatethisoldboyfriendofmine.IfiguredI’dhavesometimebeforeI
actuallyhadtocaveintothediscussionbutIneededtogetmystorystraight.

ThiswasprovingharderthanI’doriginallythought.Runningwaseasy,living

thelieisreallyhard.

Paranoid

Chapter3

Iwalkedintothehouseandtossedmykeysinthebowlwithintheentryway.I

ploppeddownonthecouchandbegangoingthroughmymail.Bills,junkmail,
scams…Blah.Whycan’tIgetonethatsays,‘Hey!You’vewonthelottery,please
comepickupyour100milliondollarsimmediately’.

Nomatterwhatthemailis,Ican’tfighttheurgetoopenupeverysingle

envelopeandreadthecontentsanyway.Icametoablankenvelopeaddressedto
thecurrentresident.Noreturnaddressoranything.Typical…oneinsurance
companyalwaystryingtomakeyouswitchfromyourcurrentcarinsurance
providerwiththepromiseoflowerrates…yearight.Irolledmyeyestryingto
guessifitwereGeicoorProgressiveandmyheartstoppedasIbeganreading
thenote.

Abee,It’smeNettie.I’msorrybutthereisahawkeyeoneverythingsothere’sno

waytomakethiscuteorsweet.IneedyoutoknowthatLuciferisoutforyou!

Hewantsyourassonaplatter.I’veneverseenhimmoredeterminedor

frustrated…hecan’tfindatraceonyouanditsdrivinghimmad.Babe,Igotlovefor

yousoI’mwarningyou…runfarandwidehe’sdevotedtofindingyou.I’mlettingyou

knowbecausehe’ssofuckingangryandthat’snotathingweEVERsee.Prezdoesn’t

breakasweatandjusthandlesbusinessthenwipeshishandsclean.Youmydearare

waymorepersonaltohim.

You’vebeendoingahellofajobhidingout,justbecareful…don’tgetsloppy.I

keptthisgeneralsothatitdoesn’tputatrackonyou–butwatchyourbackhun.

WithLuv–Nettie.

P.S.Bullmissesyouandwishesyou’dcomeback….ButIdon’tblameyaifyou

don’t.Justrememberyouwillalwayshaveusatleast.Hopefullythiswillblowoverand

Icanseeyaagain.Giveourbabymylove.Youknowhowtofindme.

MythroatfeltdryandIplacedtheletterdown.Iknewthathe’dlookforme;

he’sneverreallycomeoffasthetypetogiveupbuthavingitconfirmedis
somethingelseentirely.Irantomyclosetandgatheredmybat.Isearchedevery
nookandcrannyofthehouselookingforhim.Iwasexpectinghimtobehere
hidingandwaitingformebutaftercheckingtwice,therewasnotraceofhim.

IputthebatdownandwishedthatIcouldhaveadrink.Mypalmswere

sweatyandmynerveswerefried.Icouldn’tstandtobeherealonesoIcalled
Jameshopinguponalltheluckystarsintheskythathe’dbedatelessanddidn’t
haveanyplanstonight.Thankfully,hepickeduponthethirdringandwashome.
Hesaidhewouldcomeovertohaveagirl’snightandIhopedhecouldn’thear
thereliefinmyvoice.Ididn’twanthimtoknowtherealreasonI’dsummonedhim

andIdidn’twanttoprompthimtostartaskingquestionsaboutmyfrazzledstate.I
pulledmyselftogetherbythetimehegotthere,andfeltIwasabletomaintaina
casualcomposure.

ThebellrangandIheldmybreathasIwenttoopenit.IguessIhadbeen

gettingalittletoocomfortableandneededtobeabitmorecautious.Ididn’twaste
timeprocrastinatingbecauseifitwereLucifer,he’dfindawayinside.I’veseen
himbreakinthroughdoorswhenhewasn’tletinbyknocking–orbanging–the
oldfashionway.Jamesstoodinthedoorway,abottleofwineheldhighinone
handandabagoflordknowswhatintheother.Ilethiminsideandhewatched
mecuriously.

“Yousoundedweirdhun,everythingalright?”heasked.

InoddedbutI’msuremyfacesaidthatIwasanythingbut.Jamestooka

deepbreathandmadehiswayintomykitchen.“Ok,I’lltakecareofthis.”

Hefoundmeinthelivingroomminuteslatercarryingtwoglassesofwine.

HehandedmeoneandIimmediatelyputitdown.Hetookasipfromhisandlifted
aneyebrow.“You’regoingtoneedtodownthatdrinkandstarttalking.”

Ishookmyhead;thegigwasupandI’msureIwouldn’tbeabletohidemy

babybumpformuchlongeranyway.“Ican’t,I’mpregnant.”Iconfessed.

Hesplutteredcausingwinetoshootoutofhismouthsprayingtheliving

room.“What?How?”Hismouthdroppedopenandhegapedlikeafish.“Ohmy
god,youheffah!Morehappenedonthatdatethanyoutoldme.”Hesaid
accusingly.

Ilookedathimconfused.“Whatdoyoumean?”

Helookedappalled.“WithyouandGavin,youhaven’tseenanyoneelse!

YouknowIwouldknow,I’mallinyourB.I.”

Icouldn’thelpbutlaugh.“Actually,itseemstohavemovedherewithme.”I

confessedwithashrug.

Ittookaminutebeforeitseemedtoclick.Hethrewbacktherestofhisglass

andshookhishead.“OhJiJi,Iamsosorry!Rememberyouhaveme,don’tworry
we’llgetthroughthistogether.HaveusalittlegirltopamperandI’llbehergod
mommyandtakehertothenailsalons,andshopping…nothingtoworryabout.”
Hesaidinonebreathinanattempttosootheme,anditworked.

“Youaretoomuch.Leaveittoyoutocompareyourselftothegodmother.”I

saidlaughing.

Hewavedmeoff.“So,whendowegotothedoctor?”heasked.

“Nextweek.You’llcomewithme?”Iaskedhopefully.

Heglaredatme.“Youdidnotjustaskmethatbitch…OfcourseI’mcoming

withyou.”DidItellyouhowmuchIlovedthisman?

Igotcomfortableonthecouchandkickedupmyfeet.“So,areyougoingto

tellmeanythingaboutthismysterymansoIcantrytopicturehowourbabywould
look?What’shisnationality?”Heasked.

Iswallowed…howscrewedupisitthatIdidn’tactuallyknowtheanswerto

thatquestion?IfIhadtoguessthough,I’dsayhedefinitelyhadsomeLatininhis
blood.Iclearedmythroatandwentforit.Somehowtheletterandeverythingelse
mademeforgetaboutthestoryI’dmadeupandIjusttalked.“Well…hewas
gorgeous.”

“Ohhh…I’mgoingtoneedtobringthebottleinhere.”Hesaidgettingupto

grabtherestofthewineandanunopenedbottleandgotcomfortableonthe
couchacrossfromme.Hefilledhisglassandleanedback.“Ok,I’mready…tell
meallabouthim.”

Ichuckled.“Hehadfiercegreyeyes,andwhenhegotangrytheylookedlike

theskyrightbeforeahorriblestorm.Hehadjetblackcurlyhairthatalwayslooked
tousledlikehespentthedayrunninghishandsthroughit.Itwasshoulderlength
whenundone…andnice…andsoftandthick.Healwaysseemedtohaveafive
o’clockshadowgoing.”

Jamesfannedhimself.“Caliente,pleasecontinue…”

Idroppedmyheadbackonthearmofthechairandstaredupattheceiling

gettinglostinmymemories.“Hewassostrongbothphysicallyandmentally.He
wasbuiltlikeatruck…stronglegsandironcladthighs.Hisarmsweresobigand
solidand…ugh.Thenhiseightpack,nothingbuthardlines,therewasno
miscounting.Hischestandshoulderswerebroadandhisoverallsizeintimidating.
Hewasbroodyandmean….”

“Whatdoyoumeanhewasmean?”Jamesaskedcuriously.

“Hewasdominant.Hewasalwaysincontrolandhadtheabilitytomake

grownmenpissthemselves.Hisaurawasjustpurethreateningandhewasjust
onepersonyouwouldn’tcross.He’sthekindofmanyou’dconsidercrossingthe
streetsoyoudidn’thavetowalkclosebyhimwhenyoupass.Youdon’teven
havetoknowhimbutit’sjustsomethingaboutitthatscreamsdangerinasense.
Andwefought,goddidwefight…itwouldbeaboutnothingandabouteverything.
Ourpersonalitieswerelikethrowingtwomalebettafishinatanktogether.”

“Ohmygod,didheusetoabuseyou?”heasked.

Ilaughed.“Surprisinglyno.He’sneverhitme.Sure,hemayhavetossedme

overhisshoulderafewtimesandheuh…wouldusehisbodytoforcemeinto
submissionbuthe’sneverphysicallyharmedme.Itwasmorethathe’susedto
callingtheshotsandpeopleobeying,hewasn’tusedtobeingchallenged.
Thinkingofitnow,Ithinkthat’swhatreallyusedtopisshimoff.Mebeingunusual
towhathe’susedto.Iknowitdoesn’tsoundallthatgreatthewayI’mdescribingit
butthere’snooneontheplanetthatcouldkeepmesafer.”

Jamesnodded.“Eachrelationshipisdifferent,noonecanjudgeyours.I

usedtodateaguylikethatatleastinthedominantway.Hewasalsosortofa
bully.EveryonequestionedwhyIwaswithhim,butthethingshe’dsayanddoto
themhewouldn’teverdothattome.Yes,hemightnotbegreattoeveryonebut
hewasgreattome.Untilhegothisasslockedupforbeatingsomeguyup.He
dumpedmeafterthatsayingIdidn’tneedtobewaitingaroundforhim…that
damnRayhassomenerveI’lltellyouhoney…”hesaidpolishingoffhisglass
afterhislittleminirant.

Ijustcouldn’thelpbutlaughathim.Hispresencewasextremelycalming

andIwasmoregratefulthanevertohavemethimandhavehiminmylifeatthe
moment.Otherwise,Idon’tknowhowIwouldpossiblybesurvivingthistransition.
IwasjustworriedlikecrazyandnowIwascalmalmostasiftherewasn’tathreat
lurkingsomewhereforme.

“Soasyourfriend,Iwillnotallowyoutowallow.Wewilldowhatweneedto

dotoensurethateverythingisokwithourlittlebabyandwithyou.Firstthings
first,let’sgetsomeTVgoing.”Hegotuptoretrievethebaghecameinwith.“I’ve
gotaspecialgiftforyouandit’senoughtocheeranywomanup.”Hepulleda
DVDoutofthebag.“MymotherCher,godIlovethiswoman.Pleasetellme
you’veneverseenthismoviebefore.”Hebegged.

Ilookedatthecoverandlaughed.“I’veneverseenBurlesquebutI’ve

alwayswantedto…putheron!”Iencouraged.

Ikidyounot,he’sneverlookedsohappy.Hewastednotimeatallpopping

themovieinandjoiningmeonmycouchsohecouldspoonme.Ilethimcuddle
mecloseandsayallthewordstothemovieinmyear.Iguessthisiswhatit
wouldhavefeltliketohavehadsiblingsgrowingup.Thatnight,Jameswasable
tokeepawaythedemonsbutitdidn’tlastlong.

Thenextweekwastorturetomysenses.Ispentalmosteverysecond

lookingovermyshoulder.Thesightofleathermademyinsidestrembleandthe
soundofbikeshadmyheartstopping.Everymalesframe,voice,hairreminded
meofLucifer.Theonlythingthatkeptmefromtotallylosingitwasthesmell.I’ve
neversmelledanythinglikehimandIknewthatifhewerecloseI’dsmellit.Iwas
weirdlyaddictedtoitandIdon’tthinkthere’sanywaythatitcouldgetpastme.
Thatwasonlyasmallfeat,andIknewitwasn’thealthyformeorthebabytobe
soafraidandjittery.IneededtogetagripbecausethelastthingIneededwasto
harmthebabyI’vedoneallofthistoprotect.

IletJamesconsumemytimekeepingmeoutandaboutuntilIwasdeadon

myfeetandwouldonlygohomeandcollapse.Itkeptmymindoccupiedonother
thingsalthoughnotentirelyoffofLucifer.Nettie’sletterconstantlyfloatedthrough
mymind.Thefactshefelttheneedtowarnmealwayssentshiversdownmy
spine.Shewouldn’thavedonesounlessshefelttherewasatruethreat.Her
constantremindertowatchmybackandtoruntoldmethathewassodetermined
hemightactuallyfindme.IfhedoeswheredoIrunnext?Howfarwouldhereally

bewillingtochaseme?

Chapter4

IwasdogtiredafteralltheshoppingJamesandIhaddone.Hewaspretty

hardtokeepupwith,themanlovedhisshopping.IhavetoadmitthoughIcan
seewhyhe’safashiondesigner;hedoeshaveanamazingeye.Afewoutfitshe
coordinatedformeweresimplybrilliant.Iwastootiredtoputanythingawayso
insteadIshoweredandthrewonagownbeforecollapsingintobed.Iwasasleep
assoonasmyheadhitthepillow.

Anoisejoltedmeawake.Isatupquicklyinthebedandscannedtheroom.I

checkedthetimeseeingitwasalittleafter3inthemorning.Iheldmybreathand
listenedtomysurroundingsbutitwaseerilyquiet.Ifrownedinconfusionsince
somethingwokemeup.Iconsidereditwasmyparanoiagettingthebestofme
andlaidbackdown.Justasmyeyeswereflutteringclosedtheknobtomyroom
doorbegantoturn.Ifrozeandwatchedasthedoorslowlyopened.Isawhis
silhouettebeforeIgotagoodviewofhisfacenotthatIneededto.I’dknowhim
anywhere.Heclosedthedoorsilentlybehindhimandstoodjustinsidethe
entranceoftheroom.Westaredateachotherforminutesorhours,theonly
soundintheroomisourheavybreathing.

“You’vebeenabadgirl.”Hefinallysaid.

Ishrunkintothebedandwishedthatitwouldswallowmewhole.Anythingto

avoidwhatwascomingnext.Hetooklargestepstowardsthebed–atleastitfelt
likehewas–untilhewasstandingoverme.Hestoppedwhenhewasrightin
frontofme,myeyestravelinguphisbodyuntiltheyreachedhisface.Hecocked
hisheadtotheside.“Nothingtosayforyourself?”Heaskedme.

Ishivered.Hewascalm,waytoocalmanditwasfrightening.“I…Idon’t

knowwhattosay.”Iadmitted.

Hetsk’dmeandtookaseatonthebedrightnexttome.Hisscentengulfed

meandmystomachclenched.HowIcouldbereactingtohiminamomentlike
thiswasbeyondme.“Itoldyounottodoanythingstupidandyourun.Iwouldsay
thatdefinesstupiditybabe.”

“Whatareyougoingtodo?”Iaskedhiminawhisper.

“Youmademeveryangry.I’drefrainedfromdoingsobeforebutthere’s

nothingthat’sgoingtosaveyourassfrombeingspankedtoday.Afterthat…”he
trailedoffwithashrug,“I’llfigureoutwhenthetimecomes.”

Ishivered.Hestoodupandslowlypeeledoffhiscut.Iwatchedasthe

musclesinhisarmsbunchedandreleasedwithhismovements.Hewassostrong
andsobuiltitwasreallyunfair.IwassoengrossedinhisassetsIwasn’tpaying
attentiontohismovementsandbeforeIknewitheswiftlypulledthecoversoffof
medroppingtheminatangledheaponthefloor.Heretookhisseatonthebed
andreachedupgrabbingbothwrists.Hepulledmetoasittingpositionand

withoutanyfightfrommeorexertiononhispartpulledmeacrosshislap.My
headandchestlayfacedownonthebedwithmybuttintheairoverhisironclad
thighs.Hishandfellonmycalfandslowlymadeitswayupuntilitwasinches
frommycenter.Mybodyshookandthistimeitwasinexcitementandnotinfear.
HisfingersweremakingdeliciouscirclesontheinsideofmythighandIbitmylip
tostifleamoan.ThenextthingIknewhisfingersweregoneandIwantedtocry
outinfrustration.Heliftedmygownuntilitwasmidwayupmybackandhishands
grippedmycrotch.Inseconds,therewasaloudtearingsoundandIfeltthecool
airfromtheairconditionercaressme.

“Yourasslooksjustasgoodasitdidbefore,doyouknowthat?”heasked,

voicehoarse.

“No.”Iresponded.

IfelthishandleavemybodyandItensed.“Youcan’tspankme.”Isaidina

whisper.

Hechuckled.“Iaintask.”

AssoonasthelastwordwasoutIfelthishandcomedownhardonmybutt

causingmetojoltandyelp.Idon’tknowwhyIwasn’tpreparedfortheblow,but
forsomeinexplicablereasonIwasn’texpectingit.Herubbedthespotwherehe’d
hitme.Afterthestingsubsidedpleasurestartedtotakeover.Hishandroseagain
andthistimehelandedahittotheotherside.HecontinuedthispatternuntilIwas
moaningandwrithingonhislap.

“Youlikethatdon’tyou?Askmeforit.”Heprodded.

Ishookmyhead.“No.”IsaidalthoughItrulydidwantmore,Ijustwouldn’t

admitittohim.Althoughhewasplayingmybodyrightnowlikeaninstrument
therewasstilltoomuchdangerloominginthebackofmymind.Ihadnoidea
whatgamehewascurrentlyplayingatwiththisbutIdidn’twanthimtowin.

Hespreadmylegsapartleavingmebaretohiseyes.“You’refuckingwet

babe.Yousureyoudon’twantmore?”heasked.

Ishookmyheadandheusedthetipofhisfingertotouchmynubjust

barely.Itwasafeatherofatouch,butitwasenoughformetobereadytodo
anythingformoreofit.“Beg,Ialreadyknowyou’reanaughtybitch.”He
demanded.

“Please…”Ibegged.

“Asyouwish.”AndhishandswattedmeagainthistimerightwhereIneeded

histouchmost.Mybodytrembledviolentlyreadyforreleasebutnotquitethere
yet.“Nomore.Wewouldn’twantyoucumingjustyetdowe?”heasked.

Igroanedandhelaughedrightingmybodyandstanding.Hediscardedhis

bootsandunbuckledhisbelt.Thesoundofhiszipperfilledtheroomlikea
firecrackergoingoff,that’satleastwhatitseemedlike.Hepushedhispantsdown

enoughtofreehimselfandIsawhewascommando.Iwatched,mouthwatering
ashelazilystrokedhimselfupanddownwishinguponwishthatIcouldfeelhim
again…allofhim.Hetookasteptowardthebedandlethimselfgotogripmy
hair.“Suckit.”WashisonlywordsandIhadhiminmyhandsbeforehecould
finish.Igrippedhimhardandstrokedhimacoupleoftimesearningmeagroan.I
lickedtheundersideofhislengthuntilIreachedthetipwhichIsuckedinlightly.I
widenedmymouthtotakehim,andstartedanupanddownrhythmonhislength
thewayhelikesitmost.Hedidn’tletmeatitforlongbeforeheputahandonmy
shoulderandsteppedbackformetoreleasehim.

HefinishedundressingandIwatchedasallofhisskincameintoview.He

kickedoffhispantsrevealingthosestrongmassivethighsandcalves.Next,he
shedhisshirtrevealinganeightpacktodieforwiththeburningangeltattooover
hisheartcompletinghislook.HisgreyeyeswerefulloflustandIknewmyhazel
onesmirroredhis.

Ibegantoscootbackonthebedtomakespaceforhimbuthegrabbedmy

legsanddrewmebackdownthebedtowardshim.Hediscardedmynightgown
leavingmeasnakedashim.Hedroppedtohiskneesandwrappedanarm
aroundmywaistdraggingmybutttotheedgeofthebed.Hegentlypushedonmy
shoulderurgingmetolaybackandhespreadmylegswide.Heblewonme
causingmetoshiverandbeganlickingandsuckingatme.JustwhenIthoughtI’d
reachedmypeakandwasabouttofallover,hewouldwithdrawandbringme
backdowntoearth.Itwasfrustrating.

Hesatbackonhishunchesandlookedupatme.Theevidenceofmy

arousalonhismouthandchin.“Youdon’tcomeuntilItellyouthatyoucan.”He
saidbeforestanding.Heclimbedontopofmewrappinganarmaroundmeto
movemeupthebedtowherehewantedme.

“Youwantmydickinyourtightpussybabe?”Heaskedinathroatyvoice.

“Yes,yesplease.”Irespondedandthenhewasinmetothehilt.

Imight’vecriedoutinpleasurebutIwastoofargonetonoticeorcare.He

beganwithlongslowstrokesdrivingmeinsane.Whenhisnamefellfrommylips
inawhisperheletgo.Hebeganpoundingintomelikehewastryingtopunishme
butitonlymakeeverythingfeelbetter.

“I’mgoingtocum…”Imoaned.

Heslowedhisfranticrhythm.“Youbetterfuckingnot.NotuntilItellyou.”He

saidandgrabbedmylegputtingitoverhisshoulder.Thissomehowmadehim
deeperinmeandIhadtofighttoholdon.

HispumpingbecameunevenandsharpandIknewhewasclose.“Fuck!

Nowbabe,comenow.”HeurgedandIdid.Iletgoofeverythingandjustletthe
pleasureconsumeme.Mybodyshookandmytoescurledaswaveafterwaveof
ecstasyconsumedme.MyeyesclosedatsomepointinvoluntarilyandIopened

themslowlywhenIwasonlyplaguedwithaftershocks.

Whenmyeyesopened,Iblinkedafewtimesandturnedtoeachside.Iwas

stilltuckedintothebed,thesilkfrommygownstillcaressingmyskin.Theonly
evidenceofwhatjusthappenedwastheaftermathofthepleasureI’djustfeltand
thewetnessthathadescaped.AndIcouldfeelitalongwiththecottonofmy
panties.Ilookedattheclock;midnight…itwasadream.Ijusthadawetdream
aboutLucifer,howcouldthingsgetanyworsethanthis?

Ihoppedintheshowertotrytowashawaythedreamandallthenaughty

thingsIimaginedhe’ddonetome.Icouldn’thelpasflashbacksofmydream
cametomeandIwasturnedon.Ipickedupabarofsoapandbeganwashing
myself.Whenmyhandstrailedovermybreasts,mynipplesinstantlypeaked.The
manwashundredsofmilesawayandhestillhadmybodyreactinglikeasex
fiend.Icouldn’tresisttheurgetoplaywithmybreastandbeforeIknewitIwas
pantingandneedingmore.Theimagesofmydreamdriftedofftoafarawayplace
asactualmemoriesofhistouch,hisvoiceengulfedmysenses.

Iclosedmyeyesandletmyhandsandfingersdrumallovermybodyallthe

whileIimaginedfeelinghiscallousestorturingmeandhearinghisdirtywordsin
myears.Iallowedmyselftocumtwicebeforeleavingtheshowerandtelling
myselfthatthiswholeepisodewentdownthedrainwiththewater.BoyhowIwas
wrong.

Chapter5

Mymindwasonlygettingworseastimeprogressed.IwasupsetthatIwas

thinkingsomuchaboutLuciferbuttherewasnowaytostopit.Eversincethefirst
dreamI’dhadabouthim,I’vebeenunabletostopmyimaginationfromconjuring
upimagesofheandItogetherandmetouchingmyselftothethoughts.

Todaywasrough,itwasmydad’sbirthdayandIwantedsobadtocontact

him.TotellhimhowmuchIlovedandmissedhimanddidn’treallywanttoleave
him.TotellhimeverythingthathadhappenedthatledmeuptowhereIamand
howsorryIwastoabandonhim.Ineverwantedhimtobehurtbyanyofthis,but
thatwasjustanotherlooseendthatIneededtotieupsothatIwouldn’tbe
caught.IftherewereawayIcouldfathomthatIcouldstillhavehimaroundand
notcompromisemyself,Iwould.Ipacedaroundmyhousefeelingmoreandmore
horribleforwhatIdidtomyfather.WhenIcouldn’ttakeitanymoreIscoopedup
mykeysandheadedtothecar.

Ihoppedonthehighwayanddroveabouttwohoursout.Ifoundwhatlooked

likeacozytownanddroveaimlesslyuntilIfoundanintimatediner.Icheckedfor
anycameras,andtheredidn’tappeartobeanysecuritysystemsinsight.I
orderedaburgerandfriesandwaitedadecentamountoftimebeforeaskingto
useaphone.WhenthewaitresseyedmecuriouslyIheldupthecellphoneI
turnedoffandtoldheritdied.Assumingthatwasagoodenoughexplanation,she
ledmebackbehindthecountertousethestorephone.

Whenshedisappeared,Ipickedupthephonewithtremblinghands.Ibegan

punchinginthenumberstomydad’scellphonelineprayingthathewouldanswer
andsomehowwishinghewouldn’t.ThephonerangfourtimesandjustasI
thoughtitwasgoingtoclicktovoicemailIheardnoisefilterintotheline.

“Hello?”myfather’svoicecamethroughthelineandIgasped.

Itwasn’tuntilIheardhisvoicedidItrulyrealizeexactlyhowmuchI’dmissed

him.Iopenedmymouthbutnowordscameout.Ididn’tknowwhattosay…doI
justapologize?DoIexplainwhathappened?

“Hello…?”Myfathersaidagainquestioningly.Iwasstillhavinganinternal

warjusttryingtogetwordstocomeout…anything.Hisvoicedroppedtoa
whisper.“Abee,isthatyou?”heasked.

Astrangledcryescapedmythroatinresponse.“Princess,whereareyou?

I’vebeensoworriedaboutyou.PleasetellmewhereyouaresoIcanhelpyou!”
HeurgedandIcouldhearthedesperationheavyinhisvoice.

Icouldn’tdothis.Icouldn’tlethimknowitwasme;Icouldn’tlethimgetthe

confirmationandpossiblygetcaughtinthemiddleofthis.Soinsteadof
answering,Ihungupthephone.Ipaidformyfoodandpracticallyrantomycar.
Thedoorwasn’tevenfullyshutbeforethefirstsobescapedme.Isatinmycar

andcrieduntilIwasoutoftears.IwastoowounduptodrivesoIhadnochoice
buttoletthesorrowtakeover.IprayedIhadn’tmadethewrongchoicebutIjust
neededsomething,andhedeservedthesame.Iwastooexhaustedtomakethe
two-hourdrive,soinsteadIwenttoamotelcloseby.

IfellintoadeepsleepbecausethenextthingIknewIwasbeingwokenup

bythesoundofringing.Iopenedmyeyesslowlyandittookmeawhileto
rememberwhereIwas.Ifrowned,unfamiliarwiththeringingsoundandIscanned
theroomslowly.TheyfinallylandedonthephoneandIsighed.MaybeI’d
overstayedforthetimeIpaidforandthey’relookingformorecash.

Ipickedupthephone.“Hello?”

ThephonewascompletelysilentandIremoveditfrommyeartomakesure

thatitwaspluggedin.WhenIfiguredeverythingwasokwiththephoneItried
again.“Hello?”

Agrowlansweredmeontheotherendofthephoneandtheyhungup,but

notbeforeIcouldhearthesoundofanengine.AlmostinstantaneouslyIcould
feelsweatbegintopoolunderneathmyarmpitsandonmyforehead.Iwastedno
timegrabbingmystuffandrunningoutofthereasfastaspossibletomycar.I
drove80whenthelimitwas65,checkingallmymirrorstheentirewayforany
signofamotorcycle.Ihadtostoponceforgasandmadesuretopaywithcash
andIchoseaseedylookinggasstationthatwasleastlikelytohaveatraceofme.
BythetimeImadeithomemyheartwaspracticallybeatingoutofmychest.
Needlesstosay,sleepneverfoundmethatnight.Everycreekandgroanhadme
stirringrestlesslyinbed.

IreachedouttoJamesthenextdayaskingifIcouldcomecrashwithhimfor

acoupleofnights.Iwastooafraidtostayinmyplacebymyself.Besides,ifthat
wasLuciferandnotmelosingmymindthenhemaypossiblyknowwhereIlive.If
IcouldavoidbeingthereIcouldmostlikelyavoidhimaltogether.EventhoughI
wasprettysureifhehadmynumberthenhe’dhaveshowedhimself.It’snotlike
themanisscaredofmeoranything.

IstayedwithJamesfor5daysundertheguisethatIwasextremelyfatigued

andjustwantedtomakesureIhadanextrahandaround.WhenIdidn’tseeor
hearanythingelse,Iassumeditwassafetoheadbackhome.Hidingoutat
James’wouldn’treallydomemuchgoodbutprolongtheinevitable.Ifhewere
hereformehe’dfindawaytogethishandsonme.

Thefirstfewdaysbackwererough.Myparanoiahasreachedanall-time

highandreallynotknowingisworsethananythingelse.Ifeltlikeanabsolute
psychopathsittingherescaredformylifebutnottotallysureiftherewasevena
reasontobe.Itwasdrivingmemad.

Ittookabouttwoweeksbeforethingsresemblednormalcy.Idecidednotto

letanyofthedramaconsumeme;ifIdiditwoulddefeatthepointinmeleaving.
Thehotandcold–scaredandcomfortable–itwascausinghavocinmylifeand

onmysanity.IdecidedtoliveeachdayasitcomesandifathreatemergesIwill
handleitthen.Ican’tcontinuetolookovermyshoulderafraidthattheboogeyman
islurkingintheshadowswaitingtospring.

Thatonlylastedaweekbeforeanotherphonecallcametomycell.Thistime

however,itwasn’tanemptyline.Irememberthewordsclearasday.“Abee,you
havetoleave.”Shehungupnotwaitingforanyresponse.ThiswasNettie’s
secondwarning,andthistimeshe’dcalledme.Inevergavehermyphone
number.

Found

Chapter6

Nettie’swarningshavebeenpushedtothebackofmymindsinceI’venot

seenorheardanythingonceagain.Thiswholethingwasgettingprettyoldifyou
askme.I’mbeginningtothinkshejustmightbemoreparanoid.Thedepression
howeverhasonlyincreased.Mylatenightshavebeenfilledwithmepleasuring
myselftoLucifer’sfaceandvoice…andtouch.Thisisn’thealthyatallbutthere’s
nothingIcandotostopit.OnceIstartedit’sbeenunavoidable.Asthepregnancy
progressessodoesmysexdriveandIcan’tleaveitunsated.I’dbeinbedat
night,hornyandlonelyandIcouldn’tthinkofanyoneontheplanetpleasingme
thewayhedid.Jamesnoticedmystatenaturally,andthatiswhyI’msittinghere
onmycouchfullydressedwaitingforhimtoarrive.Itwas4pmonaSaturdayand
hecalledandtoldmeto‘getmyassupandready,weregoingout’.

MyphonerangandIlookeddowntoseeapictureofJamesandIsmilingup

intothecamera,armsloadeddownwithbagsfromshopping.Ismiledatthe
pictureandswipedright,“Heythere.”Igreetedhim.

“Heybaby,I’moutside…come,come!Wedon’thavealldaymissy,weneed

togetgoing.”

IlaughedasIstoodandgatheredmythingswhilecradlingthephone

betweenmyshoulderandear.“Isthatright?Andwhereexactlyareyoutaking
me?”Iasked.

“Uhun.Bringyourprettypregnantassouthereandyou’llseewhenweget

there.”

Irolledmyeyes.“Fine,I’mcomingholdyourhorses.”

Helaughed.“I’dholdahorsealright,andrideitifthesizeitright.”

Ichuckledandhunguponhimbeforehecouldgettoocarriedaway.Ileft

thehouseensuringtoputonthesecurityalarmandlockupandbouncedtohis
car.

“Holachica,youlooksmokingtoday.Youdidallthisforme?”heasked.

Iscoffed.“Yea,alltenminutesittookmetogetreadywasmybest-estof

effortstoimpressyou.”

Heplacedhishandoverhisheartandbattedhislashes.“Thanksdoll,now

let’sdothis.”

“Areyougoingtotellmewherewe’regoing?”Iasked.

“Absolutelynot,nowyoumightwanttowearyourdivashadesbecauseit’sa

beautifuldayout.”

Ishookmyhead;I’vegrowntoreallylikehisabsurdity.Itbroughtsuninto

mylife,aseverydayit’sbeginningtogetdarkerontheinside.“Asyouwish.”Once

myshadeswerefirmlyinplacetohislikinghepulledoff.

Itwasn’tuntilwewereonthehighwayforahalfhourdidIrealizewhat

directionweweregoing.“Uhm,Jameswhereexactlyareweheaded?”Iasked
nervously.

Hesmiled.“Roadtriphoney!Youneededitwithallthesulkingyou’vebeen

doinglately.Ijustcouldn’ttakeitanymoreIneedtoseeyoursmiledoll.”

Ilaughednervously.Hedidn’tknowaboutmypast,Imadesureofthatbutit

feltlikehewasleadingmebacktomydoom.Iscannedhimandbegantoget
anxiousandsuspicious.Didsomeonehirehimtokeeptabsonmeandnowhe
wastakingmeback?Myhandinstinctivelyflewtomystomachtoprotectmy
baby.Heglancedoverandfrownedpushinghisglassestothetopofhishead.“Is
somethingwrong?”heaskedlookingatmybellyforbeatbeforereturninghim
gazetotheroad.

“Ohuh…I’mjustwonderingaboutmybladderholdingupisall.”Isaid

eyeinghim.

Heletoutahugesighofrelief.“Deargod,Ialmosthadaheartattack.I’ll

stopatthenextexittoletyougothenweonlyhaveabout30minutestoour
destination.”

Ifeltinstantreliefandguilt.He’dbecomesuchagoodfriendandthefirst

thoughtIhadwasthathe’dbetrayedmeinsomeway.“Sure,justgetagas
station.”Isaidhopingtokeepupmycharade.

Aspromised,hepulledoffthenextexitandwentintothetown.Heofcourse

refusedtostopatagasstation.WhenIfoughthimaboutit,hestartedranting
aboutSTD’sandhowevenifIsquattheycouldstillattackme.Notwantingtofight
himonit,Ilethimleadmetoaplacehethoughtwascleanenoughforhis
pregnantfriend.Ofcourseitwasthefirstnicerestauranthecouldfindandhe
demandedthattheyletmeusetherestroombeforetheycouldevenkickupa
fuss.

Iexcusedmyselftothebathroom,andusedit.Itwasn’tuntilIactually

entereddidIrealizeIdidhavetogo.Irelievedmyself,washedmyhandsthen
staredinthemirror.Whatthehellwaswrongwithme?It’sbeenmonthsandthere
hasn’tbeenapeep,exceptNettie’snotewhichtoldmehehadnoideawhereI
was.Therewasthecall,butI’msurethatifheknewwhereIwasitwouldn’thave
takenthislong.Myanxietywasgettingthebetterofmeanditwasn’thelpingme
inanyway.Itookinadeepbreathandsplashedmyfacewithcoldwatertogeta
holdofmyself.WhenIgotbackintothecar,Ifeltahellofalotbetterandmore
likemyselfthanIhadinawhile.Jameswasright,Ineededthis.Ineededtoget
mylifeback.

WegotbackontothehighwayandexitedinSyracusewherehedrovetoa

beautifulrestaurant.DidImentionitwasItalian,andthefoodwastodiefor?By

thetimeweleft,Iwasfullandmystomachwasexceptionallyhappy.He’ddone
wellandthistripwastotallyworthit.We’dorderedfoodtogoaswellandhe
loadedusbackupintohiscar.

“Somiamor,howwasthat?”heaskedashestartedthecar.

“Mmmperfecto.GraciasSeñor”Irespondedandhechuckled.

“ThankyouJesusI’mrubbingoffonyou,nowforpart2”

IsmiledasIbuckledmyseatbelt.“There’smorehuh?”Iasked.

Henodded.“Ohyesbitch,thefundoesn’tendhere.Holdontight,we’rein

hereforawhile…”

Ismiledaswestartedoff.WhenwepassedCayugaIlookedathimin

questionbutherefusedtoacknowledgeit,onlylaughed.Wecontinuedonanda
fewhourslaterwhentheGPSsaid‘WelcometoBuffalo’Iwasthoroughly
confused.“Buffalo?WhattheheckisinBuffalo?”Iasked.

“Somewhereweneedtogo.”Wasallhetoldme.

Wedroveanddroveanddrove.Itwasn’tuntilthesignabovemyheadread

NiagraFallsdidIunderstand.“Niagarafalls?OHMYGOD!Jamesyou’re
awesome!”

Helookedoveratmeandwinked.“Don’tIknowit?”Hepulledintoaparking

spotandputthecarinpark.“TheCanadiansidehasamuchbetterview,however
Idon’tknowifyouhaveapassportorifit’swithyou.Icouldn’triskruiningthe
surprisebytellingyoutobringit.”

OfcourseIhadapassportanditwaslockedawayinmybag.Whatperson

ontherundoesn’tcarrythenecessitieswiththemincasetheyneededtotakeoff
atanygivenmoment?However,Ididn’twanttoriskevenmyfakenamepinging
somewhereleavinganykindoftrailsoIdidn’tadmittoit.“Idon’tbutthiswilldo
justfine,Ican’twait!”

Hepattedmylegandweexitedthecar.Thewindwasabitcooleroverhere

butthatwasjustfineonthiswarmday.Itwasdarkoutnow,andwefolloweda
secludedpathalongthefallstofindagoodspotforviewing.Thetrailvaguely
remindedmeofahorrorflick,butIguessitwasbecauseitwassodark.There
wereafewstragglersoutarounduswhichmadememoreatease.Wecameto
anopeningwhereweseemedtobestandingatthetopofthefalls.Iwatchedas
thewatercascadeddownsmoothly,bitsofmistwashingoverme.Itwasjustso
calming.Ilookedupandgaspedatthebeautifulsightbeforeme.

“Honey!IleftthecamerainthecarI’mgoingtograbit.Wejusthavetotake

pictures!”Jamessaidecstatically.

Inoddedmyheadinagreementnotreallyabletoungluemygazefrommy

surroundings.IhadastraightsighttotheCanadianside,anditlooked
magnificent…somethingoutofyourdreams.Althoughitwasextremelydark,on

thevergetopitchblackwherewewere–theothersidewasanythingbut.Canada
wasburstingwithcolors.Youcouldseenothingbutlightsonallthetallbuildings
ontheotherside.ItmademealittlehomesickI’dadmitbecausewedon’tseetall
buildingsandsuchinCayuga.Itlookedlikeapartythatyou’dwanttobeinvited
to.Blues,pinks,andredslituptheothersideofthefalls.Thethingthathadmy
attentionthemosthowever,wasatalloddlyshapedbuilding.Asitascendedthe
buildinggrewnarrowerandwastoppedbyacircle.Itwaslitupinpinkandthe
verytophadalightshootingup.Iimaginedwhatcouldpossiblybeinthereor
whatittrulywas.Ihonestlydidn’tbelieveittobeabuilding.

IheardJames’approachandIsmiled.ThiswasaverygoodideaandI’d

owehimatonforbringingmehere.“YousaidthefallslooksbetterfromCanada,
butfromwhereI’mstandingthissidehasamuchbetterview.Thanksforbringing
me.”

Whennoresponsecame,Ifeltthehairsonthebackofmyneckstandup.My

palmsinstantlygrewsweatyandIwasextremelyscared.Whatifoneofthose
stragglerswasn’treallyastraggler?Whatiftheywereamassmurdereror
somethingandmestandingherealonemademeaprimetarget.Damn,IwishI
hadmybatwithme.Itookinadeepgulpofair,buttheyspokeupbeforeIhad
thechancetoturnaround.

“Princess.”

Chapter7

Myheartstopped,thatoneworddidthattome.Ididn’tneedtoguess,I

knewthatvoice.I’dheariteverydayinmymemoriesanddreams.Therewasno
deludingmyselforsayingafinalprayerthatitwasanyoneelse–itwasnodoubt
Lucifer.Hewashereandhewasgoingto…Idon’twanttofindout.WhenIdidn’t
turnaroundoracknowledgehim,IheardhimtakeastepforwardandIfinally
spunaroundinfeartoseewhathewasdoing.

Luciferstoodthereinashortsleeveblackt-shirt.Foronce,hewasn’t

wearinghiscutandthatmadememorenervous.Healwaysworeit,itwasa
trademarkandthatinitselfwasawarningbell.Didhenotwantanyonetobeable
toidentifyhim?Hislegswerespreadwideandhisarmswerecrossedonhis
chest.Helookedperfectlycalmandincontrol,butthetickinhisjawgavehim
away.He’dbeeninmypresenceallofaminuteandI’dsomehowmanagedto
pisshimoff.Not.Good.

“Lucifer…”Igreetedhesitantly.

Hegruntedandtookacoupleofstepstowardsme.“Youknow,youareone

hardgirltofind.ThenwhenIcatchyou,Ifindyouwithanothermanonadate.
Youlovetheview,don’tyou?Romantic…”hetrailedoff.

IsuddenlyrememberedJamesandlookedaroundanxiouslyforhim.“Where

isJames?”Iasked.

Luciferchuckledbuttherewasnohumorinhisvoice.“Howsweet…Here

weare,youstandingsoclosetotheedgebythewater–afterIhadtotrackyou
downandI’msureyouknowI’mnothappyaboutit.Thenyourconcernishim?
Hemustbeonefuckinghellofaguyyougotthere.”

Ishuddered.“Whatdidyoudotohim?”Idemanded.

“What’dIdotohim?YoushouldbeworriedaboutwhatI’mgoingtodoto

you.I’mnotsureifI’mgoingtoputyouinthetrucklikeI’dplannedorifIshould
pushyouoverthefuckingedgerightnow.”Hetookafewmorestepsuntilhewas
directlyinfrontofme.“Honestlythough,ifI’mgoingtoendyouitwouldbea
helluvalotmoresatisfyingifIdoitwithmybarehands.Wrapmyhandsaround
yourscrawnyneckuntilthelastbreathofairleavesyourbody.”

Isuckedinasharpbreath.“You…Youwanttokillme?”Iaskedinawhisper.

Hiseyesnarrowed.“Iwanttodoafuckingshittonofthingstoyouand

really…nonearegood.Let’sgo.”Hesaidpointingtowardstheparkinglot.

Istoodmyground.Shoot,ifhe’sgoingtokillmeImightaswellkeepmy

backbone,right?(Right…Idon’tneedyoutoconfirmmystupidity.)“Whereis
James?”Iaskedmoreforcefully.

“Yourboyfriendisgoingtohavehisthroatslitintwosecondsifyoudon’tdo

asIsay…whatthefuck?Washegoingtobeyournewbabydaddy?”hesaid
tauntingly.

Myeyesrolledinvoluntarilycausinghimtogrowl.“It’dbehardtoconvince

peoplethatagaymanfatheredmychild.”Ispatathim.

Hesighed.“Idon’tcareifhewasfuckingcatsforaliving;he’sgoingtodie

unlessyoudowhatyou’retold.Myorder?Getyaassinmyfuckingcarnow,I’llbe
rightbehindyou.”

Ishuddered.Hewassocoldandbrutal,worsethanhe’severbeentome.

I’massumingthisisthepartofhimthateveryonehasalwaysfeared.Iknewthere
wasmenaceinhim,butI’dneverexperiencedit…untilnow.Ididn’tthinkitwas
wisetopushhimanyfurther,soIdidashesaidandwalkedtotheparkinglot.
James’carwastherebutitwasempty.InoticedLucifer’sblackescaladeand
walkedtothepassenger’ssideandhoppedin.

Thedrivewaslong,silent,andmostlyuncomfortable.Luciferdidn’tspareme

aglanceandIwasjustpurelyafraidofwhattheheckhewasgoingtoendup
doingtome.He’dnotsaidawordastowhathewantedorwhatwasgoingto
happenandthatscaredmethemost.Ihadnoideawhereexactlyhe’dendup
takingmeorifIwasevengoingtomakeitthere.Everytimethecarslowedor
stoppedmyheartwouldstopbeatingthinkingthatthiswastheend.

Atsomepoint,exhaustionovercamemeandIsomehowfellasleep.Iwas

awokentoLucifertappingmeontheshoulder.WhenIwoke,Ilookedoutthe
windowandrealizedimmediatelywewerebackattheclubhouse.Igulped,not
surewhatIwasexpectingbutitwasn’tthis.Myhandsbeganshakingviolently.
“Whatarewedoinghere?”Iasked.

Lucifernarrowedhiseyes.“Don’tfuckingspeak.Getoutofthecar.”With

thatheexitedhissideandwalkedtowardsthedoornotevenlookingtomakesure
Ifollowed.IguesshewasconfidenttoknowthatIwouldbecausewell…Iwasn’t
crazyenoughtocrosshimatthismoment.HesitantlyIexitedthecarandfollowed
behindhim.

Assoonaswewereinside,everythinghitme.Itwaslikebeingabsorbed

intothepast.Themusicwasonfullblastalongwiththelaughterandvoices.The
smellofsmokeandliquorinfiltratedmynose.Lucifercontinuedtowalkintothe
mainroomwhereI’msureeveryonewasandIfollowedbehindhim.Nottwo
secondsafterIenteredtheroomeverythingwentquiet.Ifelteveryone’sstareson
meandIrefusedtolookup.Mybabybumpwasvisible,andI’msureitwas
garneringattention.IwasbusywatchingmyfeetthatIdidn’tnoticeabodyplanted
infrontofmeandsmashedintoit.IlookeduptoseeBullwatchingmecuriously.

“Heysugar?”hegreetedmewithawarysmile.

Iletoutabreath.Ifiguredthatheatleastwouldn’tharmme.“HiBull.”

HeopenedhisarmsinofferingandIgladlyacceptedhishug.I’dstayinthe

confinesofhisarmsifIcouldknowinghecouldatleasttrytowardoffthebeast.
Thisseemedlikethesafestplacetobeinhere.Iwassnappedoutofitwhen
Lucifer’sgrowlbrokethrough,“let’sgo.”

IsteppedbackandofferedBullthebestsmileIcouldmuster,whichcouldn’t

havebeenconvincingatallifhisworriedexpressionwasanyindication.He
squeezedmyshoulder,“I’llcomeseeyou,yea?”HeaskedandInodded.

IwenttocatchuptoLuciferandcaughtsightofNettiewhowaswatchingme

withsorry,wateryeyes.Iofferedherasmallsmileandmademywaytothedoor.
Yes,youknowwhichdoorI’mreferringto.Theoneinwhichhekeptmecaged
behindthatonlyhehadthekeyto.Beyondthatdoorwasasetofstairsgoingup
toalandingwiththreemoredoors.OneistheroomontherightinwhichI’msure
I’llbeconfinedtoonceagain.Thesecond,beingasharedbathroom.Lastly,itwas
Lucifer’sroom.Why’dhekeepmehereofallthepossibleplacesinthe
clubhouse?IssothatI’mawayfromeveryoneandhecouldkeepahawk’seyeon
me.

Heledmebacktomyoldroomandkickedthedooropen.Ientered

hesitantlyandtookaseatonthebed.ItappeareduntouchedfromthelasttimeI’d
beenherewiththeexceptionofthemadebed.Iscannedtheroomslowlytakingit
inasmemoriesonebyonebombardedme.Beingalone,feelingangry,arguing
withLucifer,fundaysandnightswithBull,andmostlytheintimacythatLucifer
andIhadsharedinthisroom.Inoticedadoorintheroomthathadn’tbeenthere
beforeandIeyeditcuriously.WhenIheardLucifermove,Ireturnedmyattention
tohim.

“Backhereagain?”Iasked.

Hegrunted.“Look,itdoesn’thavetobelikethis…whatdoyouwantfrom

me?Areyouplanningonkeepingmehereintheclub?”Iasked.

Henoddedslowly.“Untilwhen?WhenIhavethebaby?Thenwhat?You

takehimandgetridofme?”Iasked.

Heshruggedandcockedaneyebrow.“Ihaven’tdecidedwhatI’mgoingto

dotoyouyet.”

Isighed.“Sothisisit?Putmebackuplikeaprisonerandkeepmesitting

heretwiddlingmythumbswaitingforyoutodecidehowtohurtme?”Iasked.

Anothershrug,thiswasgettingannoying.“I’vedonenothingwrong!”I

argued.

Hiseyebrowsflewtohishairline.“Haven’tyou?”Heaskedalittletoosoftly.

Hewalkedtothedoorandopenedittoleave.“Don’tgoanywhere.”Werehislast
wordstome,histonehoweverwasextremelydisturbing.Ididn’ttrustitatall.
Whenthedoorshutbehindhim,therewasanextraclick.Igotuptoinspectthe
doorandrealizeditwouldn’topen.He’dlockedmein!AtsomepointwhileI’d

beengoneheaddedalockanditappearstoonlyworkfromtheoutside.

Igroanedinfrustrationandwalkedovertothedresser.Therewasabulb

fromChristmashangingoffthesideofthemirror.Itwasoneofmyfavoritesand
I’dkeptitwithmeasareminderofthatnight.Howitmadeeveryonehappyand
wasultimatelyaturningpointforLuciferandI.Isnatcheditdownandthrewit
acrosstheroom.Ithitthemysteriousdoorandshatteredintoamillionshiny
purpleandsilverpieces.Onceagain,Istaredatthedoorandwalkedovertoit.I
mean,whatdidIhavetoloseatthispointreally?Iturnedtheknobandit
surprisinglyopenedeasily.Isteppedinsideandwasshockedtoseeitledintothe
bathroombetweenmyandLucifer’sroom.Hereallythoughtthisthroughhuh?If
heweregoingtolockmein,I’dstillneedtherestroom…howconsiderate.I
walkedtothedoorthatI’msurewasconnectedtoLucifer’sroomandofcourse,it
waslocked.Wasn’theonesmartcookie?

InsteadofsulkingIdecidedtotakealongbathandwashofftheeventsof

thelastfewhours.IneededtogetmyheadonstraightifIwasgoingtomakeit
throughthis,letaloneoutofthis.WhenIwasdone,Ienteredtheclosetnotatall
surprisedtoseeitloadeddownwithallofmyclothesfromthehomeI’dlefthere.
Notonlythat,butmysketchanddesignstuffwasherealso.Hemust’vebeen
extremelyconfidentthathewasgoingtofindmebasedonthemeasureshe’s
taken.Itwasunsettlingtosaytheleast.

Chapter8

Ittooksometime,buteventuallyIfellintoafitfulsleeplastnight.Itossed

andturnedandthedreamsthatplaguedmymindwerenothingI’deverwantto
seeagain.IgotupandturnedontheT.V.anddecidedtogetusedtothisasmy
fate.It’snotlikethiswassomethingnew,ImeanI’vebeenheredonethisbefore.
LikeclockworkasoldtimesLucifercametomyroominthemorningbreakfastin
hand.TheonlydifferencenowisthatIdidn’thavecontrolofthelock.

Heplacedtheplateandorangejuiceonthenightstandandwenttoleave.

“So,we’rebacktosquareone?”Iasked.

Hegruntedbutcontinuedwalkingaway.“Sothat’showthisisgoingtobe?

Youthinkyou’rejustgoingtolockmeinhereandI’llsitquietly?”Iaskedmyanger
pulsing.

Hespunonhisheelstofaceme.Hisgreyeyesresembledabrewingstorm

andweretheonlyindicationIwasgettingtohim.IgotupandwalkeduntilIwas
onlyafewstepsawayfromhim.“Youshouldknowbetterthanthatbynow.”Isaid
notlettingmygazewaverfromhis.WithoutgivinghimachancetoreactIturned
backaroundandtookmyseatonthebed.Ipickeduptheplateandbeganeating
apieceofbaconnotacknowledginghispresence.Itwasn’tuntilIheardthelock
clickintoplacedidIreleasethebreathI’dbeenholding.

Thenexttwodayspassedinasimilarfashion.Luciferbringingmemythree

squaresadaylikeatrueprisonandneitherofusspeakingaword.Daythree
however,Iwasfedup.SowhenhecametodelivermylunchIdecideditwastime
totalk.

AssoonasheenteredtheroomIclearedmythroat.Hedidn’tacknowledge

me,butthetickinhisjawgaveawaythathe’dheardme.“IwantBull.”I
demandedcrossingmyarms.

Hecontinuedwalkingtothedresserwhereheplacedmyfooddown.“I.

WANT.BULL.”Isaidalittlemorestronglyandlouder.

Hegrunted,howoriginal.“AndwhydoyouthinkIgiveaflyingfuckwhatyou

want?YouthinkIfuckingcareaboutwhatitisyou’reaskingfor?Itwasmy
mistakebeingnicetoyaassbeforebutIwon’tmakethatmistakeagain.You’rein
nopositiontorequestshitfuckallinhereandyou’ddowelltorememberthat.”He
saidwalkingtothedoor.

“Sowhat?Youexpectmetodowhatyouwant?Please,praytellwhatthat

maybe?”Ichallenged.

“Eatyourfood,stayhere,andkeepyourfuckingmouthshut.”Hesaidashe

walkedtothedoor.

Icrossedmyarms.“HowaboutIdon’tdoanyofthose?”Iasked.

Hegrunted.“Idon’tgiveashit.”Washisresponseashelefttheroomand

lockedmein.

Istormedovertothedresserandpickeduptheplatethrowingitwithallmy

mightintothedoor.Iwatchedthecontentsofthesandwichandthepiecesofthe
platehitthefloor.I’vebeenbreakingalotasoflateitseemsbutthereisn’taguilty
boneinmybody.Idraggedmybodytothebedandcollapsedontoit.Itucked
myselfunderthecoversandcurledintoaball.IputontheT.V.anddecidedto
drownoutmyissueswithmovies.

Luciferreturnedtocollectthedishesfromlunch.Ivaguelyrememberhim

cominginearlierandfindingthemessthatwasmylunch.Iheardhimcleaningit
upwhilecursingunderhisbreath.Ididn’tmoveamuscleanddecidedtoignore
him.Hewasbackaroundhisnormaltimewithdinner.Iheardhimenterandplace
fooddownonthenightstandbythebed.Again,Iremainedinthefetalpositionon
thebed.Notmakingasoundoranyattempttomove.Helingeredforabitlonger
thanusualbeforethesoundsofhimleavingandlockingthedoorfollowed.

Iwokeupthenextmorninghungryandaching.Iprobablyshouldn’thave

stayedcurledupthatwayforaslongasIhad.Ilookedovertothenightstandand
notedtherewasnothingthere.Hemust’vecomebackafterI’dfallenasleepto
collecttheuntouchedfood.Ijumpedintoasteaminghotshowertotrytosoothe
theachesinmybodyandputonacleanpairofpajamas.Iknewitwasn’tsmart
refusingtoeat,butasatestamenttomenotwantingtobendtohiscommandsI
woulddowhatIneededto.IrememberedthatIkeptmeasmallstashofsnacks
inoneofthedrawersandchecked.Gratefully,theproteinbarsandcookieswere
stilltherealongwithafewothermiscellaneousthingsIhadkeptinhereincase
hedecidedtosecludemeinhereagainduringmylaststay.Itookoutafew
piecesthatIknewwouldsatemyhungerandscarfedthemdown.WhenIwas
done,Iresumedmyplaceonthebedthistimebeingcarefultostretchoutand
becameonewiththetelevision.

Breakfasttimerolledaroundandnothingchanged.Hecameinandplaced

downthefoodandleft.TheonlysoundsintheroomweretheT.V.,hisfootsteps,
andthesoundsfromthedoor.Onceagain,Irefusedtoacknowledgeortouchthe
food.Ididn’tevenspareitaglanceafraidthatImightcave.I’dsnackedsome
moreawhilebeforeIexpectedhimtoreturnwithlunch.AmoviethatI’venotseen
inyearscameonjustashecameintotheroom.Iwasengrossedwiththe
openingscenethatIwasn’tpayinganyattentionatalltoLucifer.ThenextthingI
knewhishugebodywasblockingmyviewofthetelevision.

“AreyougoingtoeatoramIwastingmytime?”heasked.

Imadesuretokeepmyfacecompletelyblankandlookedintohisface.He

desperatelyneededashave,butI’dbedamnedifthatstubbledidn’tlook
positivelydeliciousonhim.Hishairwasamessalmostasifhe’djustfinished
runninghisfingersthroughhisblacksoftcurls.IfIhadn’tknownanybetter,I’dsay
helookedevenmoresolidthanhehadbeforebutI’msurethatwasimpossible.

Hisbroadshouldersandchestweremassivecompletelyblockingthe50soinch
T.V.andthoseeyes…mygod.Theywerebeautifulbutcold.Socold,Ihadtofight
theinvoluntaryshiverthreateningtotakeovermybody.WhenIdidn’trespond,
andgavehimnothingbutmyblankstareheplacedtheplatedownonthebed
directlyinfrontofme.

Ididn’tevenlookatit.“Fuckingeat.Idon’tknowwhatfuckinggameyou’re

playingatbutIdon’thavetimeforthisshit.Youneedtostopbeingapaininmy
assandjustdoasyou’retold.”Hesaidmakinghisstancemoreintimidating.

Toobadhislittlespeechpissedmeoff.WithoutlookingdownIusedmy

kneetonudgetheplate.Hisgazezeroedinonmymovementswithnarrowed
eyesandwatchedasIeversoslowlypushedtheplateoffthebedlettingithitthe
floor.

Alowgrowlescapedhisthroatandhisbodybecamerigid.“Youknowwhat?

FuckingstarvethenforallIfuckingcare.Iwon’tbotherbringingyoushit.”He
kickedthecontentsonthefloorhardcausingthemtoflyacrosstheroom.The
platesmashedintothewallwithbrutalforceandshattered.Hestormedoutthe
room,slammingthedoor,andlockingmein.Thesoundofthelockclickinginto
placewaslouderthanit’severbeen.Itsoundedmorepermanentinmyears
almostasifitwasnevergoingtoopenagain.

Dinnertimecamearoundandaspromisedhedidn’treturn.Iwasn’tsure

howtofeelaboutthatexactly.Iwon’tlieandsaythatIthoughttherewasa
chancehewouldjustcutmeofffromfoodentirely.ImeanIampregnant…that’s
thewholereasonI’mhereforgod’ssake.IguessIpushedhimtoohard.Iguess
thisdidn’tmeanasmuchtohimasitinitiallyappeared.Itmakesmewonderwhy
heevenwentthroughallthetroubletofindmeandbringmehere.It’sprobably
aboutpower,Ididn’tdoastoldandhewaspunishingme.Well,Iwasnotgoingto
makeiteasyforhim.IfIwasgoingtostarveinthisroomthenI’dgooutfighting.

Iwasbeginningtodozeofffromexhaustion.Mybrainhadbeenworking

overtimetryingtofigureouthowmylifehascometothisandhowtogetmyself
outofit.Thinkingwasn’texactlyagoodthingwhenyouhavemostlybad
thoughts.ThedooropenedandIstiffenednotsurewhattypeofshowitwasgoing
tobethistime.Ishould’veknownhewouldn’tjustdropmydefiance.

“Sugar?”

MyfacebrokeoutintoahugesmileandIpracticallyleapedoffthebed.Bull

stoodjustinsidethedoorwaywithaquestioninglook.IwassohappytoseehimI
hadn’tnoticedthebagsinhishandsasIjumpedupanddamnneartackledhim
withabearhug.“Hi!”

Hechuckled.“Well,thatwasonehellofagreeting.Itakeityoumissme?”

HeaskedasIreleasedhimandhewaggledhiseyebrows.

Ilaughed.“Youhavenoidea.”Iadmitted.

Hesmiled.“WellImissedyoutoo,that’swhyIhadtocomeseeyou.You’ve

beenherehowmanydaysandIhaven’tspenttimewithmyfavoritegirl.”

Myeyebrowsrose.“Excusememister?YouknewwhereIwas,it’snotlikeI

could’vecomeseeyou.”Isaidaccusingly.

Hegavemeasheepishgrin.“Iuh…didaskbutLucifertoldmefucknoand

tofuckoffandIdecidednottopushhim.Hefinallygrantedmepermissionto
comeuphere,butallthatmattersisI’mherenow.”

Igrunted.“Tooklongenough…”Isaidandhelaughed.Iturnedtogosit

backonthebedwhenthescenthitme.Mymouthinstantlywatered.Ididn’tneed
tolooktoknowwhathehadsoIspunbackaroundpointingatthebags
accusingly.“Youdidn’t?”Iaskedonagasp.

“Oh,butIdid.NotgetyourhotassoveronthatbedsowecaneatI’m

fuckingstarved.”

IdidastoldandsatonthebedlegscrossedwaitingforBulltofollowsuit.He

kickedoffhisbootsandclimbedontothebedwithhisbacktotheheadboard
facingme.Iwatchedashebeganunloadingfoodfromthebag.Hepassedmea
container.Iopenediteagerlyandimmediatelydugin.OnceI’vedevouredagood
amountofthespaghettiIlookeduptohim.

“Sohow’dyouknowthatIlovedthisplace?”Iasked.

“Uh…”hegrippedthebackofhisnecknervously.“ThetruthsugarisIdidn’t.

Luciferbeenpissedoffallfuckingday,liketotallyangry.Ihavenoideawhatthe
hellyoudidorsaidtothemanbuthewaslosinghisshit.Thenhejustfucking
disappeared,nowordsoranything.Hepopsbackupwiththesebagsand
practicallytossedthemintomyarms.HesaidIcancomeseeyouandthatItake
thiswithme.”MyeyebrowsshotupinwonderandBull’sheadcockedtotheside
inquestion.“Ithoughtmaybeyouaskedforthisandhewasreinstatingtheeating
togetherruleagain…butIguessthat’snotthecase?”heasked.

Isighed.“Wellhe’sbeenatotaljerktome.”Bullsnickered.“Noseriously,

likereallybad…worsethanbefore.HetoldmethatIwastostayherequietand
justeatanddowhathesays.IdecidedIwasn’tgoingtojustlethimdothistome
soIrefusedtoeatthefoodhebroughttome.”Iadmitted.

Bullbeganlaughingsohardhecouldn’tspeak.“Oh,thatisclassic.Thatsure

wouldpisshimoff.”

Ifrowned.“Imeanseriouslythough,whywouldthatmakehimangry?It’snot

likeheactuallycares.Ifeellikethiswholethingisjustsometypeofpunishment
forrunningaway.”

Whenhislaughterfaded,helookedatmeseriously.“Really,itsortofis.

Babe,youknowthemanwasfullonfuckingangryaboutyouleaving.Hestillis,at
leastIthinksoanyway.Findingyouandbringingyoubackdidn’tcureanyof
thosefeelings.Idon’tthinkhe’dactuallyhurtyouorsomeshitbutifhecanmake

youfeeladropofwhateverthefuckisgoingoninthatcrazyfuckingheadofhis
hewill.Ifhedidn’tgiveashitaboutyouoranyofthisthenhewouldn’tbedoing
this.Look,you’refuckingbeingstubbornanddefiantonpurposeandthoseare
twotraitshecan’tfuckingstand…andwhat’shedo?Goouttowhereverthehell
thisplaceisandgotsomethingthatheknewyou’deatandsetmeuptobringitto
yatomakesureyoudid.”

Irolledmyeyes.Imean,whathesaidmadesenseIjustcouldn’twrapmy

headaroundthis.Itjustwasn’ttherightthingtodotoaperson.“Sowhat’sthe
likelyhoodI’mgoingtogetoutofthisplace,letalonethisroom?”Iasked.

Bullscoffed.“I’venotacluesugar,butIwouldn’tbesurprisedifheputachip

oratrackeronyouifhedoesletyououtsohecanfindyou.”

“Doyou…doyouthinkhe’dreallydothat?”Iaskedwithashudder.

Heshookhishead.“Na,that’snothisstylebutthenagainifhethoughtyou

mightdisappearagain…”heshrugged,“Idon’tknowwhathe’ddo.Whenitcomes
toyou,Ican’tpredicthowfarhe’dgo.”

“Why?Whyme?Doyouthinkit’sbecauseI’mpregnant?Wouldhedothisto

anygirlinthissituation?”Iasked.

“Sorrytoburstyourbubblebabebutno.Itsoundsfuckeduptosaythisbutif

thiswassomeotherbitch,let’ssayPearl…hewouldnotwantababywithher.
Fuckiftherewouldbeawaytokillthebitchthatgotpregnantandnothurtthe
babyhe’dmostlikelytakethatroute.He’sgotissuesandthisisasorespotfor
him.”Hetoldme.

“Whywhathappened?”Iasked.

Bullshookhishead.“Notmystorytotell.Now,I’mmissingoutonsome

drinkingandfuckingrightnow,butI’minnorushtoleavemygirl.Now,put
somethinggoodonthisT.V.andwecancuddleandbraideachother’shair,yea?”
heasked.

Ismiled.IpickeduptheremoteandcrawledtositnexttoBull.Ipulledthe

coversupoverusandlaidmyheadonhischest.Hewrappedanarmaroundme
securingmetohimandIhaven’tfeltthissafeinawhile.Hekissedthetopofmy
head.“It’sgoingtobeoksugar,Ipromise.”Ilethiswordswashovermeand
renewmyhope.Idon’tthinkittooknothingmorethanafewminutesformetofall
asleep.

Chapter9

Iawokeslowly.IwasawareofthebodyIwaspressedagainstandthefact

thatIfeltlikeamillionbucks.Ihaven’tsleptthatwellinmonthsandmybodywas
grateful.IliftedmyheadoffofBullschestandsnuckapeekathim.Hestirredand
hiseyesopenedconfusionclearinthem.Whenhiseyescametomyfacehe
smiled.

“Morningsugar.”

“HeyBull.”

“Youhavedroolonyourface.”Iblushedandusedthebackofmyhandto

wipemyface.WhenitcametothewetnessonmychinIcringed.Imust’veslept
reallygood.

“Youstayed?”Iasked.

Heshrugged.“Youdidn’treallygivemeachoice.Itriedtosneakoutwhen

youstartedsnoringbutyouclungtomefordearlife.Ifiguredwhatthefuckand
justwenttosleeptoo.

Ishookmyheadevenmoreembarrassed.“I’msorry…Ijusthaven’tslept

thatwellinalongtime.IguessthefactIfeelsafewithyouhelpedmeout.”I
admitted.

Hechuckled.“Don’tworryaboutit,Igetit.”

IsettledbackintohimandwatchedT.V.IhadnoideawhatwasplayingIjust

knewatthemomentIfeltcontent.Thatmomentwasshortlivedwhenthedoor
openedandLuciferenteredwithaplateofbreakfast.Hiseyesimmediatelylanded
onusinthebed.Bullsarmwaswrappedaroundmeunderthecovers.Ihadmy
headonhischestandtheblanketwaspulleduptomyneck.Hisfreearmwas
behindhisheadallowinghimtoseethescreenovermyhead.Lucifer’seyes
trailedtothesideofthebedwhereBull’sbootswerethenbacktous.Hedumped
theplateonthedresserandhishandsfelltohiships.Hisnostrilsflaredandhis
chestwasheaving.

“Whatthefuck?”Heasked.

BullmovedtogetupbutIgrippedontohisshirttryingtoholdhimtomefor

protection.“Lu-“hebeganbutwascutoff.

“Youtwoslepttogether?”HiseyesflewtoBull.“Youfuckingsleptwithher?”

heasked.

BullopenedhismouthtoanswerbutIbeathimtoit.“Yes,hedidsleepin

herewithme…sowhat?”Iasked.

Luciferletoutadeepgrowlandstormedovertousinthebed.“Sowhat?”he

repeatedashedescendedonus.Hegrippedtheblanketandtuggeditoff.“So

what?Isyoubothdie.”Hethreatened.

IshrankfurtherintoBull.Lucifersuccessfullypulledtheblanketoffofusand

stared.WewerebothfullydressedandBullhadalreadyremovedhisarmfrom
aroundme.IhadonflannelpajamasandsocksandBullwasstillinhist-shirtand
jeanswithsocks.HegrippedBullbythecollarofhisshirtandtuggedhimintoa
standingposition.Ijumpedoffthebedandflewtothem.WhenLuciferliftedhis
armtostrikeIsqueezedmyselfinthemiddleofthem.Iclosedmyeyesandheld
mybreathwaitingfortheblowbutitnevercame.

IopenedmyeyesslowlytoseeLuciferpeeringatme.Hiseyeswerealmost

blackandhisfacewassetinasnarl.“Whatareyoudoing?”Iaskedbreathlessly.

“Youfuckingbitch.You’regoingtocostmemybestfriend.Itoldyouonce

beforeyouwerenotgoingtoeverfuckanyoneinhereandImeantit.Itoldyou
whatwouldhappenifyoudid,buthereweare.”Hespat.

Irolledmyeyesandhegrowled.“Wedidn’thavesex,weliterallyslept

together.ImadehimstaybecauseIfeelsafewithhim.Hedidmeafavorkeeping
mecompany.He’syou’rebestfriend;youshouldknowthathewouldn’tdothatto
you.Youshouldalsoknowthatwedon’thavethattypeofrelationship.He’sone
ofmyonlyfriendinhereandheactuallycaresaboutme.”Idon’tknowwhenI
startedbutIwaspokinghiminthechestasIspoke.He’dreleasedBullandwas
standingtoetotoewithmeglaring.Myvoicecontinuedtorise.“Unlikeyou!You
dragmebackhereandlockmeawaylike…like…aconvictorsomething.I’ve
donenothingtoyou.NOTHING!Andyou’retorturingme…why?”Ishovedhim
andthenIshovedhimagainharder.“Whyareyoudoingthis?!BecauseIran?
Lookatwhatyou’redoingtomenow;doyoublamemefortryingtoavoidthis?”I
askedgesturingtotheroom.Iloweredmyvoicetoawhisper.“Idon’tregretit,not
onesecondofit.IfIhadachoice,I’ddoitallagain.Hell,Iwould’veprobablygone
further,madesureyouneverfoundme.IfIgetachance,I’ddoitagainina
heartbeat.”

Itookastepbackandheldhiseyes.“Bull,getthefuckout.”Hedemanded

softlybutstrongly.IwatchedBullleavetheroomwithhisheadhanginglow.As
thedoorclosedbehindhimIfeltmysafetynetvanishjustlikethat.

“Youdidnothing?Isthatwhatyoureallyfuckingthink?”HeaskedandI

nodded.Heexploded.“YoudidEVERYFUCKINGTHING!Youfuckingran,with
mybabyafterIwarnedyounottodoanythingstupid.Whydoyouthinkyouhave
anyfuckingrighttotakethatawayfromme?”heasked.

“Areyoukiddingme?WhydoIhavetherighttotakethebabyinmy

stomachawayfromyou?”Iaskedhimthoroughlypissedoffhethoughthehad
anyrights.

“NOABELIE!YOUFUCKINGTOOKYOUAWAYFROMME!”Hishands

grippedmyupperarms.“Whytheeverlovingfuckdoyouthinkthatisofuckingk?
Thereisnothingalrightaboutit!Youwantmetofuckingcare?SincewhendoI

care?ItoldyouIwasn’tthatfuckingguybutyoustillhoppedinthefuckingsheets
withme.Youwantromanceandshitthenyoubarkedupthewrongtree.Youwill
notgetthatshitfromme.”Hesaid.Icouldseehewasslipping,thecalmnesshe
alwaysseemstohavewastotallygoneandinitsplacewasamadman.Atotally
crazedguywhoforoncesincehereenteredmylifeIdidn’tfeelafraidof.

“Soundslikeyoudo.”Isaidsoftly.

Hescoffed.“Thenyou’refuckingdelusional.”Hesaidreleasingme.

Hiswordsswirledaroundinmybrainanditallseemedtoclickintoplaceat

once.“You’remadbecauseIleft.Ifyoudidn’tcarewhywoulditbotheryouso
much?SomuchyouhadtocomefindmeandlockmeinheresoIcan’tgetaway
again.You’rethedelusionalonehere.Youneedtoadmitittoyourself.Youcan
pretendthatallthisangerandaggressionisjustaboutwhatididbutyou’rejustas
madatyourselfthatit’scausingyoutoactuallyfeelsomething.”

Hebackedupslowlywithwildeyes.Theywerebouncingallovertheroom

buttheylookedlost.Almostlikehewassocaughtupinhisheadhewasn’t
actuallyfocusingonanything.HegrippedtheknobandIcouldseethemusclesin
hisarmflexfromtheforce.Heswungthedooropenandwenttoleave.“Shutthe
fuckup,justshutup.”

Iwalkedovertothedoorandgrippeditsohecouldn’tcloseit.“No.Youcare

aboutme,acceptit.”Icontinuedtopushandtookadeepbreath.Thisdecision
couldmakeorbreakme.“Icaredaboutyou!Ithink…IthinkIalmostlovedyou.”

HisbodyfrozeandIheldmybreath.Hetookadeepshudderingbreathand

turnedhisheadtofaceme.Hestaredhardintomyeyesandheseemedtobe
havinganinternalbattle.Iknewwhenhisdecisionwascementedwhensomeof
thecalmnessreenteredhiseyesandstance.“Ihateyou.”Hesaid,eyesnot
wavering.

Istumbledbackastepfeelingliterallystruckbythosethreewords.He

reachedoutalmostasiftosteadymeandIflinchedcausinghimtoretracthis
hand.Ibackedintotheroomslowlybeforeclosingthedoorsoftlyputtinga
physicalbarrierbetweenthetwoofus.Ifeltthefirstinvoluntaryteartrickledown
myfaceandchinandwatchedasthedrophitthefloor.Ibackedupintothe
dresserandslowlysliddownastheweightofhiswordshitmefullforce.Hate.I
didn’tbothertotrytobestrongandholdinthetears.TherewasnowayIcouldifI
wantedto.Iletthelastfewdayswashovermeandsuccumbedtomytears.

Revelations

Chapter10

Nowordswerespokenbetweenusafterheutteredthatfourletterword.My

fightseemstoalsohaveleftme.HewouldbringmemyfoodandI’deatitand
leaveitbythedoorforhimsothatIdidn’tevenhavetoendurehimfullyentering
theroom.He’sprobablyoverthemoonrightnowsincehe’sfinallydone
somethingtogetmetostayinline.Itwasn’tsomuchthattobehonest,it’sjustI
couldn’tbearhispresencesoI’ddowhatevernecessarytoavoidanykindof
contact.

It’sbeenthreeweekssincetheincidentandIfeltlikeIwaslosingmyself.

Bullhadcometoseemetwice,andhe’sworriedaboutme.Therehadbeena
calendarintheroomwhenI’dreturnedthathadn’tbeentherebeforeandI
should’vebeenkeepingtrackoftime.Ifoundtoday’sdateandrealizedIshould’ve
goneformysixmonthprenatalappointmenttwoweeksago,butwitheverything
goingonthatslippedmymind.Icringedthinkingaboutwhatitwasthatneededto
bedone.IwouldactuallyhavetointeractwithLucifer.Whatifhedidn’tletmego?

Iwaiteduntilheshoweduptobringlunchtobroachthesubject.Heplaced

theplatedownonthedresserandturnedtoleave.“Lucifer?”

Heturnedaroundandlookedutterlyshocked.Icouldn’tblamehimbecause

I’dbeenshockedhadhesuddenlyspoketome.“Ineedtoseeadoctor.”Itold
him.

Hefrownedandwalkedclosertome.Iinstinctivelyputupahandtostophim

fromgettinganycloser,hefrozeinhistracks.“What’swrong?”heasked.

Ishookmyhead.“No.Nothingiswrong,atleastnotthatIknowof…I’m

overdueformyprenatalappointment.Ihavetogotothosesotheycancheckthe
progressandmakesureeverythingisfine.”Iexplained.

Henodded.“Youhadadoctorouthere?”heasked.

Inodded.“Yes.IwasgoingtoJerseyGeneral.MydoctorwasAlice

Silverman.”Iexplained.

“Ok,doyoujustgoin…?”heasked.

“No,it’sbyappointment.”

Hetookhisphoneoutofhispocket.“Knowthenumber?”heasked.

Ishookmyhead.Hepressedafewkeysandhandedmethephoneasit

dialedanumber.IspoketothereceptionistandafterinformingthemIwaspast
dueformyappointmenttheyscheduledmeinforthefollowingday.Ithankedher
andhungup.

“Myappointmentistomorrowatnoon.”Iinformedhim.

Henodded.“Ok.”Wasalltheresponseheofferedandlefttheroom.I’m

gratefulthatwentassmoothlyasitdid.

Heknockedonthedoorat11:00thenextmorning.Iwasalreadydressed

sinceIwasn’tsurewhenwewouldbeleaving.Ifollowedhimdownstairsandout
oftheclubhouseinsilence.Heledmetohisjeepandshockedtheheckoutofme
byopeningthepassengersidedoorformeandcloseditonceIwasfullyinside.
HeturnedtheradioontoapopstationandIcouldn’thelpbutfidgetinmyseat.I
knewforafactthiswasn’tthetypeofmusichelistenedtosoIcouldonlyassume
hewasputtingitonforme.WhatIdidn’tunderstandwaswhyhewasbeingnice
tomeallofasudden.He’dfinallyadmittedhistruefeelingsforme,andifthiswas
hiswayofpityingmehecouldkeepit.

Wepulledintothehospitalparkinglotwith15minutestospare.Assoonas

hecutofftheengineIhoppedoutthecarnotgivinghimanopportunitytotryto
pullanymoregestureshesuredidn’twantorneedtodo.Inavigatedtothe
OB/GYNdepartmentandsignedin.IturnedtoseeLucifertryingtoget
comfortableinoneofthechairsinthewaitingroom,therewasasingleempty
seatbesidehim.Theplacewasn’tcompletelypacked,buttherewereenough
peoplehere.Iscannedtheroomforanemptyseatandfoundonenexttoa
womanwholookedaboutreadytoburst.IofferedherasmileasItooktheseat.

“Hi,I’mAnnie.”Shegreetedme.

Iofferedmyhand.“Abee.”

Shegesturedtomystomach.“Sohowfaralongareyou?”sheasked.

“Sixandahalfmonths.”Itoldherwithasmilewhilemyhandrubbedmy

bellyunconsciously.

“Goodgod,Irememberthosedays.Ihave2weeksleftandIcannotwaitfor

thisbabytopoponout.MyfeetareprayingforthedayItellyou.”Shesaidwitha
chuckleandIfollowedsuit.

“Doesitgetharderthefurtheralongyouget?”Iasked.

Sheshrugged.“Eachpersonisdifferent.Itdependsonyourpregnancyand

yourbody.Youknow,somewomanhavetogoonbedrestandthingswhileothers
arestillupandrunningwhenthey’reaweekoverdue.Hopefullyyou’reoneofthe
luckyonesandyourfeetdon’tinflate.TheonlythingIcouldcomplainaboutisthat
Ican’tseeanythingbelowthebelly.Imean,let’sbereal…it’snotallthateasy
gettingyourshoesontherightfeetoranythingifyoucan’tseewhatyou’redoing.”
SherolledhereyesandIlaughed.

“Soundshorrible.”Itoldher.

Shesmiled.“Oh,I’mjustcomplainingrightnow.Iamhereasawalk-inand

I’vebeenherewaitingforanhour,I’mirritable.Butreally,nomatterwhatIsayit’s
allworthitforthisbaby.”

Igrinnedather.IchancedaglanceatLuciferwhowaswatchingmefrom

acrosstheroomwithnarrowedeyes.“Iagree.”Itoldheranditwastrue.This
babywasworthmeenduringanythingthatLuciferthrowsatme.Nomatterwhat
hedoesorsaystome,mychildisworthfacinganyobstacle…andhemightbe
oneofthebiggestofall.

WhenthenursecalledmynameandIstood,IwatchedasLuciferfollowed

suit.Ifrowned,whatwashedoing?SurehewasmyridehereandIfiguredhe’d
stickaroundafraidI’drun…butfollowingmeintotheexamroomwasabitmuch.I
walkedslowlytothedoorleadingtothebackandwaitedforhimtocatchup.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Iaskedinanangrywhisper.

Helookeddownatmewithacockedeyebrow.“What?”heasked.

Isighed.“Whereareyougoing?I’mjustgoingtoanexamroom.”

Heshrugged.“I’mcomingtoo…”

Ishookmyhead.“Isthereanywayyouwon’tcome?”Iasked.

HeshookhisheadslowlyandIblewoutanexasperatedbreath.Ibrushed

pasthimbumpingintohisshouldernonetoogentlyandstompedafterthenurse
totheroom.Whenweentered,sheturnedandnoticedLucifer.Hereyesmadea
quickandnotsosubtlescanofhim,hercheekslightingonfirewhenhesmirked
atherattentions.WhatamajorAhole.

Icrossedmyarmsandgaveheradeathglare.Whenshefinallynoticedme

intheroomhercheeksturnedbrighterandshestumbledoverherwordsbefore
leavingtheroom.Ipickedupthegownoffofthehospitalbedandlookedaround
theroom.IglancedatLuciferwhowaswatchingmeconfusedandIclosedmy
eyesprayingforthestrengthtogetmethroughthis.

“Ineedtochange,mindleavingtheroom?”Iaskedhim.

Hegrunted.“I’veseenyoubeforewhat’sthebigdeal?I’mnotpayingyou

anyattentionanyway.”

Igroaned.“Seriously,canIhaveanounceofprivacy?”whenhedidn’t

respondandinsteadtookaseatinoneoftheemptychairsintheroomIscrubbed
ahanddownmyface.

IjustneededtogetthroughthisappointmentthenIcouldgobackto

pretendinghedoesn’texist.Istrippeddowntomyunderclotheswhilecallinghim
allkindsofdirtywordsinmyhead.IwassofrustratedthatIcouldn’tfocuson
whatIwasdoingandwashavingunusualdifficultygettingthegownopentoput
on.IgrowledandsparedaglanceatLuciferhopingtoburnhimwithmylaser
vision.

WhenmyeyeslandedonhisfaceIfrowned.Hiseyeswerescanningmy

bodyupanddownfromheadtotoe.Hiseyesweredarkandhelickedhislips
slowly.MylegsquiveredathisattentionsandIonlybecamemorefrustrated.I
meancomeon,I’msixmonthspregnant!Myhormoneshavebeenhighbefore,

butbeinginhispresencehasn’texactlyhelpedtheurge.NottomentionthatI
refusetolustafterhimsoI’vebeentotallyunsated.Yes,I’mfrustratedaboutmy
situation,frustratedathim,andsexuallyfrustrated.FromwhereIwascurrently
standingitwasadangerouscombination.

“Stoplookingatme!”Ihissedathim.

Hegruntedanddidn’tbothermovinghiseyes.“Justfinishdoingwhatever

thefuckyou’resupposedtobedoingbeforesomeonewalksinhereandsee’s
younaked.Youdon’twanttocauseasceneherenowdoyou?”Heaskedarching
aneyebrow.

“You’vegotsomenerve…”ImutteredundermybreathasIpracticallyforced

thegownonandploppedonthebed.IwaiteduntilIwasfullycovereduntilI
shimmiedoutofmyunderwear’s.WhentheyreachedmyankleandIsatupto
swipethemoff,Luciferletoutagrowl.Idecidednottoentertainhim.

Mrs.SilvermancameintotheroomsecondslaterandIfocusedallmy

attentiononherandwhatshewasdoing.“Well,hellothereMs.Bianchi,longtime
nosee…”shebeganwithanarchedeyebrow.

Ismiledshyly.“IwentawayforawhilebutI’dstillbeenseekingprenatal

care.”Icomfortedher.

Shesmiledandnoddedandbeganreadingmycharts.“Ihaven’treceived

yourpaperworksoweneedtogoonandhaveathoroughlook,makesure
everythingisallgood.Idowantyoutodosomeadditionaltestsjustbecausewe
don’thavethatonhandifyoudon’tmind?”sheasked.

Inodded.“Sure,whateveryouneed.”

“Let’sdothis.”

Shestartedwiththenormalvaginalexam,andIwasextremely

uncomfortablehavingthisdonewithLucifer’sprobingeyes.Nextwasthe
sonogram.Shecoveredmeup,thankgodandgotthemachinesetup.Whenshe
appliedthegootomybellyandplacedthewandonmystomachshepresseda
buttonandmybaby’sheartbeatfilledthesilenceintheroom.Lucifergotoutofhis
seatandcametostandatthesideofthebed.

ItseemslikeAlicejustnoticedhispresenceandofferedhimasmile.

“Daddy?”sheasked.

Heremovedhiseyesfromthescreenjustbarelyandgaveheranodbefore

refocusingallofhisattentiontothemonitor.“That’sthebaby.He’sbig.”He
mentioned.

IlookeduptoLucifer.Hiseyeswerewidewithwondergluedtothescreen

hewasnowleaningtowards.Iwasfascinatedwithhisenthusiasm.Helooked
downatmeandforthefirsttimeinalongtimehisfacedsoftenedalmostasifhe
waslettinghisguarddown.“He’sreal.”Hewhispered.

Ifeltmyeyestearupandofferedhimanod.Heusedhisthumbtowipe

awaythetearsbeforetheycouldmaketheirwaydownmycheek.

Whenthesonogramwasdone,thedoctorranabunchofothertestsfrom

bloodandurinetesttosomeotherstuffI’mnottotallysurewerefor.Ijustlether
haveatit,thebestforthebabyandall.Westayedaroundforanhourforthetest
results.Itwasextremelyuncomfortable.WhileIwasabletoavoidhispresence
whenweinitiallyarrivedhemadesuretohoverwhilewewaited.Iattemptedto
tunehimoutbyreadingmagazinesandbabybookstheyhadinthewaitingarea.
Hespentthewholetimefiddlingonhisphonedoinglordknowswhat.

WhenDr.Silvermancalledusbackin,thelookonherfacemademe

instantlyworried.Itwasn’ttheusualhappysmilethatshegivesme,shelooked
concerned.

“Alice?”Iaskedhesitantly.

Shegesturedtothechairsinfrontofherdesk.“Pleasehaveaseat.”

BothLuciferandIsatdownandgavethedoctorourundividedattention.“I’m

abitconcernedhereAbelie.I’mseeinghighlevelsofconsistentstressshowing
upinthetests.Thisisnotgoodforthebabyatall.Oneofthesideeffectsifthis
continuesisprematurelabor.It’salsobeenlinkedtobabiesbeingbornsmaller
thantheyshouldorcouldimpactbraindevelopment.”

Iautomaticallyheldontomystomach.Shenoticedthegestureand

backtracked.“Thiscanbefixed,ifyouknowwhatthestressorsareinyourlife
worktodecreaseandeliminatethem.I’mnotsayingthatanythingisgoingto
happenyoujustneedtoknowwhatcouldhappen.”Sheexplained.

MyheadcockedtothesideandIwasinstantlypissedoff.AllthestressI’ve

hadsinceI’vebeenpregnanthasbeenassociatedtothemanbesideme.“Oh,I
knowwhat’sstressingmeout…”ItoldhercuttingmyeyestoLucifer.

Shenoticedthegestureandfollowedmygazethenclearedherthroat.“If

youtwoarehavingissues,Icouldreferyoutoacounselorthatcouldhelp?”she
suggested.

Iimmediatelystood.“There’snoneed,isthereanythingelse?”Iasked.

Shestudiedusforamomentandsighed.“That’sall,buthere…”sheslid

overapamphlet.“Here,ifyouchangeyourmind.”

Iforcedasmileandwalkedoutofthehospitalnotsparingaglanceat

Lucifer.Icouldn’tbelievethatthiswashappening.It’slikenomatterwhatIdid,we
weredestinedforbadthings.

WhenwegotinthecarLuciferstarteditbutdidn’tpulloffrightaway.“AmI

reallythereasonforallofyourstress?”

Iinstinctivelyscoffedanddidn’tofferanyfurtherreply.Thatwasthedumbest

questionIeverheard.Thefacthehadthenervetoevenaskpissedmeoff.

Chapter11

Iwashavingstressissuesandthisbastardwantedtofeignconcern.Thanks

tothedoctor’sappointmentIsummoned,he’stakenituponhimselftokeepme
company.Idon’twanthimhere,Iwanthimout,Iwantthistimetomyself.He’s
beenhoveringlikeamotherhenandthefacthe’sbeeninthisroomwithmefor
overanhournowwasabitunsettling.Itwaslateoutandnaturallythepartyhas
begundownstairsbutinsteadofbeingdowntheredoinglordknowswhat,he’s
madehimselfabsolutelycomfortableinthathardchair.Well,ifhewantstostay
herehecansitthroughoneofmyall-timefavoritemoviesCinderella.NowI’mnot
talkingaboutthenewerversionsthey’vecomeoutwith.ImeantheDisneyoriginal
thatIsangalongtowhenIwas5.

Forsomereason,thismoviewasstrikingacordinmethatit’sneverhave

before.Iguessit’sbecauseIempathizedwithhercircumstance.AlbeitI’mnot
beingtreatedlikeaslave,I’msureasheckbeinglockedupsomewhereIdidn’t
trulywanttobe.

Bythetimetheyrippedherdresstoshredstopreventherfromgoingtothe

ballIwasfullonangryather.“Idon’tgetit.Whydidn’tshejustleave,Imeanwhat
doesshereallyhavetolosebygoingoutandfindingherown.”

IwasonlythinkingoutloudsoIwassurprisedwhenLuciferspokeup.

“Leavingisn’talwayseasy.”

Iscoffed.“Whattheheckwouldyouknowaboutthat?”Iaskedhim.

“Whatwouldyou?”hechallenged.

“Breakingfreeofmydad’sreigns.Mycircumstancesweredifferentbyfar,

butIwantedindependenceandfreedomandeventuallydidwhatIhadtodoto
getit.”Ilookedaroundtheroom.“AtleastwhenIhadoptionstoanextent
anyways.”

Luciferrolledhiseyesatmycomment.“Youcaninnowaycompareyourlife

withhers.You’venotacluewhatit’sliketobetreatedlikeyoudon’tfucking
matter.Tobeusedforshitandhavenocontroloveranyofit.Leavingyour
princessroomtohaveanapartmentonyourownhardlyqualifiesforhavingit
rough.”

Hewaspissingmeoff,whatdidheknowaboutmylife?“You’reonetotalk?

WhatwouldyouknowaboutitMr.Perfect?”Iaskedhim.

“Ahelluvalotmore.Ibeenthere,donethat.Whenyouhavetoliveonthe

streetsandinfuckinggrouphomes…takecareofyourselfthenyoufuckingtell
meIaintgotshittosayaboutbeingfuckedover.Untilthen?Shutyourfuckinglips
aboutshityouhavenoideaabout.”

Myheadspunaroundtofacehim.Bull’swordscametomymind;I

rememberthemlikeitwasyesterday.

Henodded.“BestthanksgivingIeverhad…probablyLucifertoo.”

Ifrowned.“Whatdoyoumean?Imean,sureitwasgreatbutasakidwith

yourfamily…hadtoofbeenbetter.”

Heshrugged.“Didn’thaveafamilykid.Sono,I’venevercelebrated…itwas

nice.I’mlookingforwardtoseeingwhattypeofshityou’vegotgoingforthenext

holiday.I’msurprisedPrezislettingyourunwildlikethis.”

Myheartbrokeforhim.“WhataboutChristmas?Youhaven’tevenhada

friendtoexchangegiftswith?”Iasked.

Heshookhishead.“Can’tsaythatIhave.Besides,theonlyrealfriendsI

hadwereonthesameboatasme.Bythattime,itwasprettyfuckingclearthere
wasmoreimportantshittoworryabout.”Hescannedmyfaceandsighed.“Now

don’tgogivingmethoseprettypuppydogeyessugar.Noneedtofeelsorryfor

me,that’sthelastthingIwant.Imadeoutjustfine.”Hespreadhisarmsoutwide.

“DoyounotseehowfuckingsexyIam?”hejoked.

Inhindsight,hesortofinsinuatedthatLuciferhadn’thaditeasyeitherbutas

wespokeIonlythoughtofBull.Hiswordsswirledinmyheadlikeanawfulsong
beingreplayedconstantlyontheradio.Livingonthestreets…grouphomes?
Whattheheckhappenedtothisman?MyheartinstantlyfilledwithsorrowandI
dreadedsayinganythingtohimaboutitbutIcouldn’thelpnotknowing.Imean,
I’vethoughtmoreoftenthannotabouthisbackground.Imeanheisthefatherof
mychild.Iwantedtoknoweverythingabouthimespeciallysincehe’shellbenton
beinginvolved.

“Whathappenedtoyou?”Iaskedhesitantly.

Hiseyesmetmineandtheyinstantlyhardened.Theroomsuddenlydropped

50degreesjustfromthecoldnessthatwasleakingoffofhiminwaves.“Noneof
yafuckingbusiness.”

TherewasonethingthathasalwayskeptmecuriousbutI’dneverhadthe

couragetoask.“Whatdoesyourtattoomean?”Iaskedhimsoftly.

Hestoodabruptlyandpointedanangryfingeratme.“Don’tyoufucking

listen?Itoldyoutomindyourdamnbusinessandthefirstthingyoudoispry.
Learnyourfuckingplaceandstaythereyouhearme?Don’tstickyournosein
placestheydon’tfuckingneedtobe.”Hestalkedtothedoor.

Istoodup.“Whatdoyoumeanitisn’tmybusiness?I’mpregnantwithYOUR

child;Ineedtoknowthingsaboutyou.Itisn’tfairtokeepitawayfromme!These
arejusthonestquestionsandyou’reinnoplacetowithholdtheseanswersfrom
me.”HewalkedoutthedoortoleaveandIranforwardtostandinthedoorway
preventinghimfromclosingitandeffectivelylockingmeout…orin.“Youcannot

closemeoutonthisIneedtofreakingknow!It’sobviouslysomethingand
somethingimportantwhereyouturnedintoafreakingfreezerandclammedupon
me.”Luciferletgoofthedoorandcontinuedout.“Justtellme!”Idemanded.

HelookedbackatmeandwhenmyeyesmethisIknewhewassomewhere

else,somewherefaraway.Hiseyeswereonminebuttheyweredistracted,
almostlikehewasinadifferentplacecompletely…totallyunfocused.“FUCK.
YOU.”Wastheonlyresponsehegavemebeforehedescendedthestairs.Istood
inthedoorwayglaringathisretreatingfigureuntilhewasoutofsightandthe
soundofthedoordownstairsslamming.Inhishastetogetawayfromme,he
didn’tthinktolockmein.Iwaitedacoupleofhoursgettingmywitstogether
beforeImadethefinaldecisiontosettlethis.GameonLucifer,Iwon’tletyourun
awayfrommethistime.

Ifollowedhispathdownstairsandoutthedoorlettingallthefrustrationand

angerIhadinsideofmesurface.WhenIopenedthedoor,Ihadtotakeastep
backasthemusicreallyfilteredintomybrain.It’sbeenawhilesinceI’vepartied
oranythinganditwasaminorshocktomysenses.Myeyesscannedtheroom
lookingforhimandIspottedhimbythebarwithaglassinhand.

Imovedthrougheveryonecrowdingtheroomgoingmostlyunnoticed.Afew

peoplegavemeaquickgreetingbutIdidn’tstoptochat,Iwasawomanona
mission.AtsomepointwhileIwasnavigatingthroughtheroomheturnedsohis
backwasnowtome.Itappedhimimpatientlyontheshouldertogethisattention.
HisentirebodyturnedviolentlytofacemeandInoticedhisfreehand
automaticallyclenchintoafist,hisfacelookedmurderous.Hisbodywastense
likehewasreadytospringalmostasifheexpectedtobeatthecrapoutof
whoeverdaredtouchhim.

Whenhiseyesfocusedonmehisbodyrelaxedbuthislookturnedweary

andannoyed.Toofreakingbadbecausethiswassogoingtohappen.“Whatare
you–“HebeganbutIdidn’tlethimfinish.Ialreadyknewwherehewasgoing,
samethingasusual…whatamIdoingoutsideofprison.

“Youcan’tjuststormoutinthemiddleofaconversation.”Isaidcrossingmy

arms.

Helookedatmeamused.“Isthatright?Ithinkthat’sexactlywhatIdid.”I

openedmymouthtorespondbuthekeptgoing.“Andyouknowwhy?Becauseas
farasI’mfuckingconcernedtheconversationisover.”

HewenttoturnbackaroundandcutmeoffbutIgrippedhiswriststopping

him.“Likehellitis…whywouldyouthinkthat?”Iaskedsarcastically.“Ohright,
becauseLucifersaidsoandwemustdoashesaysorelse.”Isaidtauntinghim.

Lucifertookasteptowardsmeandhissizewassuddenlydwarfingme.He

wasprettyscaryatthemomentbutIwouldn’tlethimknowhewasintimidating
me.Iknewthatwasexactlywhathewastryingtodo.“Cutyourshitandgothe
fuckupstairs.I’mnotdoingthiswithyouandyou’regoingtocauseascene.

We’vediscussedthisshitbeforegirl,doIneedtoremindyou?”whenIonlyglared
athimanddidn’tmakeanyeffortinfollowinghisordershefrowned.Heleaned
downsothathismouthwasbymyear.“Don’tforgetthatyouaren’texactlyonmy
goodlistrightnow…andIhaven’texactlydecidedwhatIwasgoingtodowith
yourassyet.Itmightdoyousomegoodtofuckingrememberthat.Youdon’twant
toknowwhatIcando.”

Myheadrearedbacklikehe’dslappedme.Wellthat’swhatitfeltlikesoI

guessitwasappropriate.Hejustthreatenedme.Ishefreakingkiddingme?Well,
ifhewasgoingtotakemeoutthen…“Doit.”Ichallenged.

Hegrowledandhishandgrippedmyupperarmnotquitetothepointofpain

butitwasadeadlygripIknewIcouldn’tescapeunlesshewantedmeto.“DoasI
fuckingsay.”Hewarnedbetweenclenchedteeth.“Shutthefuckup,turnaround
andgobacktowhereyoucamefrom.”

Maybeitwasthehormones,possiblysomethingelsefromthepregnancy

thatwascoursingthroughmyveinsthatmademeunbelievablyboldandmade
myemotionsfeeltentimesstrongerthannormal.AllIknowisthatthebomb
insideofmethathasslowlybeentickingawayexplodedandIjustreacted.Idon’t
evenrememberarationalthoughtpassingthroughmymind.

Myhandflewupandsmackedtheglassouthishandcausingittohitthe

floorandshatter.Thatsamehandimmediatelydrewbackandlandedapainful
slapacrossLucifer’sfaceifthesoundoftheblowmadewasanyindication.He
releasedmecompletelystaringatmelookingpositivelyshocked.Ifaintlynoticed
mychestheavingasifIranamarathon.

“IAMNOTONEOFYOURSOLDIERS!YOUCANNOTTRYTOKEEPME

INLINE!”Iscreamedinhisfacewhileattemptingtoshovehimback
unsuccessfullyashewasrootedtohisspot.Thescreaminghoweverseemedto
snaphimoutofshockandthegrowlthatcameouthimIsworeshooktheentire
building.

Ididn’trealizeIwaswalkingbackwardsuntilIwatchedashetookastep

forward.HiseyesdarkenedandIwassuddenlyafraid.Inhindsight,Ishould’ve
neverbeenunafraid.BullcameuptoLucifer’ssidelookingreadytohavetopull
Luciferoffofmylifelessbody.

Nowyouknowwhenpeoplesaythatintheirlastmomentstheyseetheir

entirelifeflashbeforetheireyes?Ikidyounot,thatistotallytrue.Notonlythatbut
inmeresecondsI’dprayedthatI’dbeforgivenforeverybadthingI’veeverdone
inmylifehopinguponhopeIdon’tendupinhellknowingonedayIwouldsee
Luciferagain.Thisallhappenedinthetimeittookforhisarmtoflyupandhis
handtowraparoundmyneck.MyeyesinstantlyclosedandIheldmybreath
waitingforthegrimreapertoappearanddragmysoulawayandI’dseemydeath
unfoldinginfrontofmyeyes.Fine,Iknowsuperdramaticbutwhattheheckdo
youreallyexpect?!

It’sanormalbodyreactiontotrytotakeinairwhenyouneedit.Soimagine

mysurprisewhenItookonebreath,thenanother.EvenmoresurprisingwasthatI
wasabletobreatheeasily.Sure,Luciferstillhadagriponmyneckbuthewasn’t
stranglingme.Hewasholdingitwithenoughforcetobethreateningbutnot
actuallycauseharm.Ifrownedandopenedmyeyesslowly.Hewaswatchingme
curiouslychestheaving.

“Didyoujusthitme?”heasked.

WhenIdidn’tanswer,hecamecloseruntiltherewasnospacebetweenus.

“Did.You.Just.Fucking.Hitme?”heaskedpunctuatinghiswords.

Igulped.“Ye…yes.”Istutteredout.

Heshookhishead.“Idon’tknowwhatIwanttodowithyou…”hesaidnot

takinghiseyesoffofme.HishandflexedandIhadtorefrainfrompissingmyself.
AndI’lltellyou;withababypracticallysittingonmybladderresistingwasnot
easy.

Hisotherhandcameupandgrippedmyponytailandtugged.Ifeltprickson

myscalpfromthestrengthasheforcedmyheadbacksoIwaslookingupathim.
Hegrowledandthenhislipswereonmine.Hewastednotimeforcinghistongue
intomymouth.Hetastedofwhiskeyandjusthim.It’sbeensolongsinceI’ve
beentouched,letalonekissed.Ilethimcontrolthekissandtakewhathewanted.
Hedidn’tgivemeachancetoobjectorfighthimwhichIwasgratefulforbecause
Iwantedthis.Mygod,Ireallyreallywantedthis!However,ifgiventheoptionI’d
denyhimbecauseIknewitwasn’tright.

Ican’ttellyouhowlongwekissedbutIdidn’twantittoend.Whenhepulled

backIfellintohischest.IcouldfeelalightchucklevibratingthroughhisbodybutI
didn’tcare.ThenextthingIknew,hescoopedmeupinhisarmsandwascarrying
meupstairs.Thesoundsoftheguyshootingandwolf-whistlingfollowedbehind
us.Whenhereachedthelanding,hemadealeftgoingforhisroom.Thiswas
new;normallywewerealwaysinmyroom.Itmademecuriousbutnotenoughto
bringitup.

Heplacedmedowngentlyonthebedanddidn’twasteanytimeinripping

mypajamatopoffofme.Youcouldhearthebuttonsbouncingoffoflordknows
whatinhisroom.Hishandsfoundthewaistbandofmypantsandswiftlyremoved
themleavingmeinnothingbutmyunderwear.Iexpectedhimtojusttakethose
offtoobutinsteadheremovedhiscutandshirtandclimbedontopofme.He
kissedmeslowlywhilehishandsexploredandcaressedmybodywithgentle
fingers.WhenhisfingerstrailedovermynipplemybodyshutteredandI
whisperedsomethingunintelligibleagainsthislips.Heleanedbackandlookedat
mecuriously.

“Thebaby,they’rereallysensitive.”Iexplainedmyfaceheatingupin

embarrassment.

Hehummedinacknowledgementandheplacedakissonmyburning

cheek.Hecontinuedplacingsoftkissesonmyfacethenneck.Hecontinuedhis
decentrainingkisseseverywherehepassed,hisfiveo’clockshadowleavinga
trailinhiswake.Itwastorturouspleasure.Thiswasabrandnewexperiencefor
me.Normally,itwasallfire,strength,andpassionwithLucifer.This…wellI
haven’tquitedecidedyet.Whenhereachedmybreast,heusedhismouthand
callousedhandstopleasemeuntilIwasaquiveringmess.Heplacedkisseson
mystomachwhilemassagingitwithcarefulfingers.Whenhiseyesmetminehis
wasfullwithwonderandIinstantlyfelttearsprickmyeyes.Ihadtolookawayor
elsethetearswould’veflowedandsurelywould’veruinedthemoodforhim.

Whenhegottomycenter,hekissedandlickedmethroughmyunderwear

untilslowlypullingthemoff…with.His.Teeth.Iactuallyhadtofightmyorgasm
becausethatwassohot.Afterhebroughtmeovertheedgeafewtimeswithhis
amazingoralskillshestoodandremovedhisremainingclothes.Hedidn’tjoinme
onthebedimmediately,andinsteadstoodtherewatchingme…scanningme
nonstopfromheadtotoe.

Heletoutasighandmetmyeyesagain.“You’reonebeautifulbitch.”He

saidinanearwhisper.

IgaspedshockedandIcouldfeeltheheatfrommyblushonmycheeks.

“Thankyou.”

Heclimbedontopofmeandkissedmeagain.HelinedhimselfupandIfelt

myselfgrowwetterinanticipation.InsteadofslammingintomelikeI’dexpected,
hetookhistimeenteringmeuntilhewastothehilt.Whenhewassettled,he
lookedintomyeyes.“Thisok?”heasked.Ifrownedathisquestionandhe
sighed.“Youknow…thebaby.”

Imentallyslappedmyself.Ofcoursethat’swhyhewasbeinggentlehewas

afraidofhurtingthebaby.“Yes,it’sfine.It’ssafetohavesexwhenyou’re
pregnant.”Isaidreassuringhim.OfcourseI’dlookeditupwhileinCayugaduring
oneofmyweakermoments.

Hemaintainedaslowsteadyrhythmwithdeeppowerfulstrokes.Myorgasm

snuckuponmeoutofnowhere.OneminuteIwasbuildingthenextIwas
practicallypushedofftheedge.IwasfallingbeforeIevenknewIwasatthepeak.

“Fuck,fuck,fuck…”LuciferchantedasIclenchedaroundhim.“Youfeelso

fuckinggoodbabe.”Hesaidbeforeslamminghismouthdownonme.IfeltlikeI
wasfloatingandhadtogripontohisshoulderstomakesureIdidn’tstart
levitating.Hepickeduphispacejustabitandmybodywasstilltoosensitivefrom
thelastrelease.Ittooknothingtobringmebackup.“I’mgoingtocum,cumwith
mebabe.”HewhisperedinmyearandIimmediatelywentoff.Icouldfeelhis
releasefloodingmeashisbodyrelaxedandwebothgaspedfranticallyforair.

Whenhisbreathingbecamesomewhatnormal,hepulledoutofmeand

rolledontothebedlandingunceremoniouslyonhisback.Heputhisarmoverhis

eyesandletoutalargesigh.“NowthatI’vefuckedtheangeroutofmysystemwe
gotshittotalkabout…”hebegan.

MyheadswunghiswayandIwatchedhimwarily.WhenIdidn’trespondhe

movedhisarmafractionandlookedoveratme.Itriedtoscootawayintheother
directionhopingtoavoiditbuthewastoofast.Hisarmshotoutandgrippedmine
andhedraggedmeacrossthebeduntilmyupperbodywasagainsthis.Hisarm
wrappedaroundmeeffectivelycagingmeintohim.Iplacedmychinonhischest
andlookedupathim.Headjustedhimselfsothatthearmpreviouslyacrosshis
facewasbehindhisheadproppinghisheadupsohecouldlookdownatme.

“So,why’dyoufuckingslapme?”heaskedarchinganeyebrow.

Ishruggedinnocently.“Becauseyoumademeangry?”

Herolledhiseyes.“Whendon’tI?Don’tgetmewrong,itturnedmethefuck

onbutitalsomademefuckingpissed.Youcan’tgoaroundslappingtheshitout
ofme.EveryoneintheroomthoughtIwasgoingtotakeyourfuckingheadoff.I
hadtorememberwhotheshityouwere…Ikeeptellingyoutostopfucking
pushingme.”Hescoldedme.

“Ohboohoo.Someonestooduptoyou,you’llsurvive.”Iteased.

Hegruntedandhishandslappedmybuttgently.“Quitbeingasmartass…

nowsecond,howthefuckdidyougetouttheroom?”heasked.

Isnickered.“Youdidn’tlockthedoor,toobusyrunningfromalittleoldgirl.”

“Youreallywantmetobeatthatassdon’tyou?”Heaskedquirkinghis

eyebrow.IwasinstantlyremindedofthedreamIhadabouthimwhileinCayuga
andIinstantlyblushedscarlet.

Helookedatmequestioning.“Whyyoublushing?”heasked.

Ilookedaway.“Noreason…”Isaidalittletooquickly.

“Ohnoyoudon’t.Youfuckingpushmetotalktoyouandyou’regoingtolie

tome?Tellme.”Heurged.

Isighed.“Imayhavethoughtaboutitonce…”Iadmitted.

Helaughedoutloud.“Oh,haveyou…whatdidyouthinkabout?”

Irolledmyeyes.“Quitit!Idon’twanttotalkaboutit.”

Heshookhishead.“Fine!Listen,youheardwhatthedoctorsaidabout

stresssoI’lltalktoyoubecauseIdon’twanttokeephearingthisshitthatI’mthe
reasonyou’reallstressedthefuckout.However,Idon’ttalkaboutthisshit.
EVER.Sooncethisisoutthat’stheendofit.YoudropitandIdon’twantyouto
bringthisshitupagain.Nowwhatthefuckdoyouwanttoknow?”heasked.

Igapedathimopenmouthedathiswillingnesstotalk.Icouldn’tbelieveit.

Maybehewasdrunkormaybeitwastheorgasmhe’djusthadbutwhateverit

wasI’dtakeit.“Yousaidsomethingaboutlivingonthestreetsandgrouphomes…
Ijustwanttoknowaboutyou.Howwasyourchildhood,whereareyourparents,
yourfamily?Doyouhavesiblings?ImeanIjust–“

“Ok,ok.Igetitpleasestoptalking.Youwanttoknowallmybusiness.I’ll

startatthebeginning.”Hesighedandremovedhisarmlettinghisheaddropback
ontothebedhiseyesfocusedontheceiling.“Iwasabandonedasanewborn.I
wasfoundbyasanitationworkerinaboxwiththetrash.I’dnotbeentherefor
veryfuckinglongotherwiseI’dbedead.Anyway,thestorygoestheboxIwas
placedinlookedshakyandhesawthatitwasmovingabit.Ihadn’tbeencrying
andheexpectedittobearatorsomeshit.Anyway,whentheyfoundmeIwas
takentothehospital.Therewasnosignofwhothefuckdidit,stilldon’tknowto
thisdaynotthatI’vebeenkeepingtabsonthecase.ForallIknowtheyfoundthe
fuckersyearsagoandthey’rerottingawayinprisonbutit’soneinthesameto
me.IwasJohnDoe,noidentity,nofamily.No.Fucking.Trace.OnceIwas
checkedoutofthehospitalIwentintothesystem.Iwasinfostercareforawhile
andnooneadoptedmeobviouslyandwellthey’rejustasfuckedupasyouread
andhearabout.WhenIwasoldenoughforschoolIwasplacedingrouphome
aftergrouphome.WenttoalotofdifferentschoolsandnomatterwhattheydidI
wouldn’tanswertoanythingbutthatfuckedupname.”

Heclearedhisthroatbeforecontinuing.“Inschoolthough,Ididadopttheir

lastnames.Thefirstgrouphomethoughttogivemetheirlastnameastonot
raisesuspicionaboutakidnamedJohnDoe.Theythoughtsomeonemight
actuallypaytoomuchattention.Itwasagoodideaandfuckthesepeoplewere
gettingmoneytokeepme,theleasttheycouldfuckingdowasletmeusetheir
lastname.ImainlykepttomyselfanddidwhatIhadtodo.WhenIwasold
enough,IgotajobsoIdidn’tlooklikethefuckinggarbagemyparentsand
caretakersmademeouttobe.Iwasdoingwellinschool,football,everything.AllI
wantedwasbetter.WhenIwasn’tworkingorinschoolIwasreading.Notthose
fairytalesandshitbutlawbooks,financebooks,medicalbooks,everything.In
highschool,Ihadmylifesetup…”hetookadeepbreathandclosedhiseyes.“I
hadnumerousoffersfromcollegesforafullrideifIplayedfootballforthem.I
finallysawmyfuckingfuturerightthere.Iwouldbeawayfromthebeginningofmy
lifeanditwouldalljustbeahorriblefuckingmemory.Ididn’tallowmyselfthe
luxuriesofotherkids;I’dseenandknowntoomuch.ThemomentIallowedforme
tohavesomethingnormalofcourseImadethewrongfuckingchoice.”

Hestoppedthenandhisnostrilsflared.Hisbodyhadbecometenseandhe

lookedsplittingmad.Ididn’twanthimtostopthough,Iwasgettingtoomuch
insighttohimforonceandthismightexplainalotabouthim.“Whatisit?What
happenednext?”Iasked.

“IthoughtIwasfinallythere.IhaddoneeverythingIwasfuckingsupposed

to.Therewasabitch,shewasniceandsweetandshit.ShehaditformeandI
thoughtshewasprettyenough.Idecidedtogivemyselfonefuckingreal

experiencethatyou’resupposedtohaveasafuckingchildandofcoursethebitch
wasn’tatallwhatIthought.Iwas17andIlostmyvirginitytoher.Ithoughtshe
wasgoingtobetherewithme.Iwasn’tdelusionaltothinkformywholelife,butto
havesomerealrelationshipwithsomeoneforonceinmylife.Shepokedholesin
thecondomstoensureshegotpregnantandthentoldmeit’sbecausesheknewI
wasgoingtomakeitbiginfootball.Iwasafuckingpaycheckforher,that’s
fuckingall.”

Mybodyinstinctivelytriedtoraisebuthisarmaroundmekeptmeplanted.

Heblinkedhiseyesafewtimesasifrefocusingonthepresentandlookeddown
atme.“Youhaveakidouttheresomewhere?”Iaskedindisbelief.

Henoddedslowlyandmyheadswarmed.Hehadakidbuthewantedthis

one.Wheretheheckishiskidandwhyisn’theapartofitslife.“He’sburiedinthe
city…”Ifeltchillsrackthroughmybodyandgoosebumpserupted.Isuddenly
wantedhimtostopafraidofwhathemightsaynext.“WhenshefoundoutIdidn’t
haveshitshecutmeoff.EvenwhenIgotextrajobsandfuckedupwithschool.
EvenafterIfuckingquitschoolaltogethertotrytosupportmykidshewanted
nothingtodowithme.Shefoundanotherguythatstillhadafuture.Afucking
douchebagandherpregnantassgotintoacarwithhimdrunkasfuck.Theygot
intoanaccidentandtheyallfuckingdied,beforeIcouldevenmeethim.Shewas
farenoughalongthathewasremovedfromherandIwasabletoatleastbury
him.”

ThereweretearstrailingdownmyfaceandIhadtostiflemysobs.He’s

beenthroughsodamnmuchandIfeltabitbadforbeingsohardonhim.“That’s
whyIkindofflewoffthehandlewithyouwhenIfoundout.Ifeltlikehistorywas
repeatingitself,Ican’ttakethathappeningtomeagain.Ican’tlosetheonlyfamily
Ihave.You’vegottounderstandthat’swhyIhadtofuckinggetyourassandbring
youthefuckback.Icouldn’tlosehimtoo.”

Ileanedupandlookedintohiseyes.“Ididn’tknow,IswearIdidn’t.I

wouldn’tdothattoyouandIwouldn’tbethatcarelesswithourchild.”Ipromised
him.

Henodded.“IknowAbelie,you’renother.IgetitnowafterBullliterally

knockedsomefuckingsenseinmebutittooksometime.”

Igavehimasoftkiss.Hedidn’treciprocatebuthedidn’tpushmeaway

either.“Whathappenednext?”Iasked.

Heshookhishead.“Iwasofage.Iwenttothegrouphomeandpackedmy

shit.Ididn’thaveafuckingthingleftandnowheretogobutIwasn’tgoingtowait
forthelastchecktocomeinandtheytellmetogetthefuckout.SoIwasonthe
streetsforawhile,doingwhathomelesspeoplefuckingdo.I’mnotgoingtoget
intodetailsaboutthatshit.ImetBullwhenIwasinashelterovernight,it’dbeen
coldasfuckoutside.HehelpedmelearntheropeswhenIalmostkilledaguyand
would’veprobablygonetojail.Wehadafuckingshitloadincommonandfor

onceIhadaconnectionwithsomeone.Hewasmybestfriend,myonlyfriendand
moreoftenthannotwecrossedpaths.Weweren’tlikeattachedatthehipinitially
butwe’drunintoeachotheratleastonceaweek.Shelters,soupkitchens,
streets….Andwehadeachother’sbackalways.Bullwasmessingwithsome
otherrunawaybitchandgothimselfstabbed,I’dheardherscreamingandwhenI
sawBullIimmediatelywenttohelphim.Anyway,theleaderofthisclubfoundus
andtookusin.Thishasbeenmyfamilyandlifeeversince,Bullislikemyfucking
brother.”Hetoldme.

Ismiled.“Yes,Iknow.Hewastheonlypersonyouletaroundmeotherthan

yourselfinitially.”

Heshookhishead.“It’snotthatIcouldn’ttrustanyofmyothermenaround

you.Shit,Icould’veputanyofmyguyswhohaveoldladiesorevenCutterto
handleyouIcouldn’ttrustyou.Youalreadyhadmefuckingbendingandthatshit
isimpossible.Icouldonlyimaginethedamageyouwould’vedonetoanyoneelse.
Bullwasthebestbet‘causehewouldn’tfallforyourshit.Wellhewouldbuthis
loyaltytomewouldtakeprecedence.He’sstillfuckinginlovewithyouthough…
whenyouweregoneIwantedtofuckingknockhisteethoutanytimehespoke
aboutyou.IknowIflippedtheotherdaybutIcouldn’tfuckinghelpit.Iknowhe
wouldn’tfuckmeover,butyou…Icouldfuckingstrangleyouafewtimesaday.”
Hechuckled.

Irolledmyeyes.“Dittopal.”

Heshookhishead.“Yea,butyou’dactuallydoit.”

“Whatever.”WasallIcouldofferbecausewhenitcametohimIhaveproven

tobeunpredictable.

Hesighed.“Soisyourcuriositysated?Canyourestpeacefullytonight

knowingallmyfuckingbusiness?”

Ibitmylipanxiouslycausinghimtocurseunderhisbreath.“Nowwhat?”he

askedexasperated.

Ipouted.“OnelastthingIpromise!What’swiththetattoo?”Iaskedthinking

ofthetattooofanangelbeingconsumedbyflamesandtheflamesarecomposed
ofhisnameonrepeat.

“You’reonenoseyfuckingbitch…”hesaidflickingmynosewithhisfinger.

“Theangelissupposedtobemydeadson.That’swhathewas;hedidn’thavea
chancetobeanythingmoreorless.Theflamesengulfinghimareme–“

Icuthimoff.“JohnDoe.”

Hesmiled.“Someonehasbeenpayingalittletoomuchattentiontomy

body…”hesaidjokingly.“Butyes,foralongtimeIfeltlikeIkilledanangelsimply
fromthestupidasfuckchoiceImadebybeingwithhismother.Ifucking
impregnatedthestupidbitchandlookwhathappenedtohim.Ifeelguiltyevery
fuckingdayaboutit.Iknowshewastheonethatultimatelykilledhim,butmy

naivetyiswhatputhiminthatfuckingsituationtobeginwith.”Heranhisfingers
throughmyhair.“Isthatenoughofabedtimestoryforyoubabe?”heasked.

“WhatdidyoudotoJames?”Iasked.

Heshookhisheadwithasmile.“Ithoughtthatwasthelastone?”

“Thisisparttwo…”

Herolledhiseyes.“Ididn’thurthim.GavehimsomeChloroformtoknock

himoutandlaidhimdowninthebackseat.He’sfine…I’vechecked.Hewas
worriedaboutyouthough,soIhadanotesentsayingyouneededtoreturnback
toMarylandtoheal.ThatwasonefuckingstoryItellyou.”

Ifrowned.“Howdidyoufindme?Howdidyouknowaboutthat?”Iasked.

Heshookhishead.“Noneofyourfuckingbusiness–nowwedone?”

Inoddedandlaiddownonhimmakingmyselfcomfortable.“Yes.”Itooka

deepbreath.“I’msorryforyourlosstoo.Iwon’tdothattoyou…pinkypromise.”I
instinctivelylockedmyfingerwithhistocementit.

“Thanksbabe…butI’mnotdonewithyou.Handsandkneesnow!”he

demandedrollingusoverandIlethimtakemeuntilwebothpassedout.

Chapter12

“You’realreadygoingtomakemeregretgivingyouaphone?”Lucifer

complainedinmyear.

Irolledmyeyes.“ThiswasyourchoicelasttimeIrememberedsoyoucould

beacreeper.Nowyouhavetolivewiththeconsequences.”

Hehuffed.“Whatthefuckyouwant?”heaskedimpatiently.

Idecidedtotakemytimeansweringhimsincehewantedtobesosnippy.

You’dthinkIaccidentallyputapairofredundiesinthewashwithhischerished
collectionofwhitet-shirts.WhenhegrowleddeepintothephoneIknewhis
patiencehadrunout.“Canyoubringmesomeicecream?”Iasked.

“Whattheeverloving…isthatwhatyoufuckingcalledmefor?”Heasked.

Iscoffed.“Yes,IwantstrawberrycheesecakefromBaskinRobins.”I

informedhim.

“No.”

“Yes!”Idemanded.

“Thewholepurposeofthegrocerylistandshitistoputshitlikethatdown.

I’mnotyourfuckingerrandboy,girl.I’mnotdoingit,abso-FUCKING-lutelynot.
Getyourassupandraidthefuckingkitchen.You’renotthatfuckingpregnant.”

Irolledmyeyes.“There’snomore,besideswedidn’thavethatkindanyway.

Canyouplease–“

“NO!”andhehunguponmemutteringsomethingaboutcrazypregnantfat

bitches.Whatajerk!

Isatandfumed.Imeanreally,wasitsohardtojustpickuponelittlething?

Hemadeeverythingseemlikesuchahugedeal.Somehowbuyingice-creamwas
goingtotakeawayhismanhood,whatafreakingcaveman.Iwasinhisroom
watchingthelatestseasonofNewGirlwhenhecamein.I’dbeenstayinginhis
roomeversincehedraggedmeinhereandtookmeforthefirsttimesincemy
return.HebasicallyopenedupthetworoomsbetweenthebathroomsoIcan
haveaccesstomystuffbutIwasessentiallyinhisbed.Hewasn’tlockingmein
either,butIhadnodesiretoventureoutmuchunlessIwasmakingfoodor
something.Icouldn’tpartyandthesmokeandstuffwasn’texactlygoodforme
withthebaby.Iwasfinethough,Ineededtobestressfreeandmyfeetwere
swollenasallheck.

IheardLuciferenterbutdidn’tgivehimthetimeofday.Iwasstillprettymad

athisearlierreaction.Iheardhimundressandgetintothebed.Hedropped
somethingonmylapandIlookeddown.AbrownpaperbagwithBaskinRobins
wasinmylapandIsmiled.Ilookedupathimandreachedoutforhim.Hepulled

backandfrownedatme.

“Ohnoyoudon’t.Eatyourfuckingice-creamandleavemealone.”He

muttered.

“Don’tbesuchacrabIwasreallycravingthis.Wasitreallythatbad?”I

asked.

Hisheadjerkedback.“Fuckyea;IhadtoridetofourofthoseshitsuntilI

foundonethathadthatfuckingflavor.Leaveyoutopicksomecomplicatedshit…”
hetrailedoff.

Ifeltabitguilty.“Youcould’vecalledmeandIwouldhavechosensomething

theyhad…”Ioffered.

Hegrunted.“Afteryoumadeabigfuckingdealaboutthat?Fuckno;youcan

keepthatargumenttoyourself.Eatyourfuckingicecream,allofitandI’mgoing
tosleep.”

Isighed.“Actually,Iwantedtotalktoyouaboutsomething.”Iinformedhim.

Helaiddownandturnedtohissidefacingme.“What’snew?Nottonight,I’m

fuckingdrained.Wecanfighttomorrowbabe.”

Ismiledandtrailedmyfingeracrosstheedgeofthebruiseonhisfaceand

cringed.

“Yes,youfuckingsockedmyass.I’mthelaughingfuckingstockoftheclub,

soifItellyoutopunchsomeoneinthethroatyoubetterdothatshittoprovea
fuckingpoint.Youhitlikeagrownassmanbabe.”

Ismiledsheepishly.“Sorry?”Iofferedwithashrug.

“Yeafuckingright…”hegrumbled.Ikissedhimonthelips.Hedeepenedit

butIpulledbackbeforeitbecametoomuch.

Hesmiledandwithinminuteshewassnoringlightlybymyside.Istayedup

forafewmorehoursrelaxing,eatingicecream,andwatchingT.V.untilIturned
everythingoffandlaiddownnexttohim.It’slikeheknewbecausehisarm
reachedoutanddraggedmeintohimuntilhewasspooningme.WhenI’dgotten
comfortableheletoutadeepsighandhissnoringresumed…thiswasnice.

WhenIwokethenextmorning,Luciferwaslonggone.Iputmymusicon

anddecidedtoentertainmyself.Ihadn’tforgottenaboutthedealI’dmadewith
Bull,andI’mdeterminedtocreatethismasterpiecesoIcouldseehimwearit.It’d
onlybeenacoupleofhoursbeforethedooropenedandLuciferwalkedinand
frowned.

“Whatthefuckisthis?”Heasked.

Ismiled.“SelenaGomez,Ilovethissongbytheway…theheartwantswhat

itwants.Youshouldreallyexpandyourmusiccollectionman.”Iencouraged.

Hescoffed.“Right,likethat’sgoingtohappen.Getyourassoverhere.”He

saidopeninguphisarms.

Iskippedovertohimandlethimwrapmeupinhisarms.Heputhislipson

mineandIinstinctivelydeepenedit.WhenIpulledback,hishandsfoundmybelly
andbeganrubbingsoothingcirclesonit.

“Youalright?”heasked.

Inodded.“Yep.”

Hisheadcockedtotheside.“Sowhydidn’tyoucomedownstairsandeat

yet?”

Isighed.“Isthatwhyyoucameuphere?ToseewhyIhadn’teaten…Ijust

wasn’thungryyet.”

Heshookhishead.“Youcan’tjustskipmeals,I’llbringyousomething.”

Irolledmyeyesashereleasedme.“Yesdad.”

Heignoredmysarcasmandlefttheroom.IgotmyselfcomfortableasI

waitedforhisreturn.Ihadn’trealizedhowhungryIwasuntilIsmelledsausage
whenhecamein.Hechuckledattheansweringgrowlthatemittedfrommy
stomach.Hehandedmetheplateandleftbackouttheroomsilently.

Icontinuedtokeepmyselfbusywithsketchingnewdesignsandworkingon

Bull’sthroughoutthedayandoncethemusicpickedupLuciferfoundhisway
upstairs.IstaredathimbitingmylipasIcontemplatedhowtobroachthissubject.
It’sbeenweighingheavyonmyshoulderssincethingsgotbetterbetweenusand
Ididn’twanttodoanythingtodisturbthepeace.

“SoLucifer…aboutthattalk?”Ibegan.

Heleanedbackagainstthedresserandcrossedhisarms.“Talk.”

Iletoutadeepbreath.“Weneedtostartpreparingforthebaby.”His

eyebrowquirkedinquestion.“Ineedtofindusaplacetoliveandgetanursery
established…”Itrailedoff.

Hisheaddroppedforasecondasheheavedinabreath.“You’renot

leaving.”Hestatedpointblank.

“Listen,I’mnottryingtotakethebabyanddisappear.Ithoughtmaybewe

couldalldothisyouknow…together.Thethreeofus.”Iadmittedhesitantly.

Hescoffed.“Whatdoyouthink?We’regoingtobeabighappyfamilynow,

getmarriedhave2.5kidsandawhitepicketfence?Adog?Thataintthelifefor
meandyouknowthatsowhatareyougettingat?Youwantafuckingfairytale?
WellthisaintaDisneymovie,there’snohappilyeverafter.”

Istoodup.“Ithoughtyouwantedtobeapartofthebaby’slife.”Istated

accusingly.

Henoddedslowly.“Ido,butI’mnotchangingmyselfandmylifestyle.Fuck

Abelie,Ican’tevengiveyoualastname.Whatdoyouwantfromme?”

Myhandsflewtomyhips.“Sowhat?Youwanttobeapart-timedad?There

whenyoufeellikeit?Partofhavingandraisingachildisaboutmakingsacrifices.
Ifyou’resoworriedaboutalastname,whynottakemine?”

Hegroaned.“That’snotanoption.Whatdoyoureallywant?Tomoveoutta

hereandIsendyouamonthlyallowancetohelpout?Fine.Wantmetostopby
whenIhavetime?Sure.Butwerenotgoingtobethisperfectfamily.”Hepushed
offthedresser.“Itseemslikewekeepcomingbacktothesameshit.Idon’tknow
whythefuckyouhaveitinyourheadthatyoucanchangeme…maybemoldme
intothemanyouwant.Thataintmeanditwillneverbeme.I’mwhothefuckI
wanttobeandI’mnotgoingtoletanybitchchangethatyagetme?”

“That’syourproblemLucifer.Youthinkeveryonewantssomethingfromyou.

I’mtryingtohelpyougetwhatyousayyouwant.YOUBROUGHTMEBACK!You
actedlikeyouwanttoknowyourchild.Iwanttohelpyoudothatbutnotatthe
sakeofourchildsuffering!”

“Andhowthefuckdoyoufigurethatwillhurthim?”heaskedangrily.

Ishrugged.“Maybeseeingyouonoccasion,notbeingaconstantfigurein

theirlife.Feelingneglectedorresponsibleforthefactthattheirfatherdoesn’t
wanttobearound.Wouldyouputtheclubtothesidetogotoadancerecital,ora
footballgame?”Iasked.Hisansweringshrugtoldmeenough.“Right.I’drather
younotbethereatallthenbesomeghostofaman.”

“Toobaditisn’tyourchoice.”Hesaidwalkingtothedoor.

Ithrewmyhandsupinfrustrationandpointedanaccusingfingerathim.

“Thereyougo…ofcourseyou’reheadingtothedoor.”Iranahandthroughmy
hairinanattempttotrytocalmmyself.“Whyisitthatwheneverwe’rehavinga
realdiscussionyourunforthehills.Whycan’tyoustayandfinishanything?I
thoughtyouwereabigbadmanbutyoucan’thandledealingwithrealsituations.
You’renothingbutanovergrownchild.”

Hestormedtome.“Stopactinglikeyoufuckingknowadamnthingabout

me.JustbecauseItoldyouaboutmypastdoesn’tmeanthatyoureallyknowme.
YoukeepactinglikefuckingmotherTheresaknowall,butyou’renotfucking
perfecteither.”

“WhatI’mgoingtotellyouisthatIdon’tneedtobeperfect.Nooneisperfect

LuciferbutI’llletyouknowthatIwillbefindingaplacetoraisemychild.Youneed
todecidewhereyoufitintothatequation.”Iclosedtheremainingspacebetween
us.“Andthere’snothingyoucandotostopme.”

Istartedforthedoorandhegrippedmyarm.“Soyou’regoingtorunhalfway

aroundtheworldagain?Makemecomeandfindyou?Thisisn’tafuckinggame
ofcatandmouseAbelie.”hesaidwiththethreatclearinhisvoice.

Ishookmyheadsadly.“No,I’mnotgoingtorunandtrytodisappear.But

thistimeI’mwalkingoutofthisconversationbecauseI’mdone.There’snothing
lefttobesaidhere,yourmindismadeupandsoismine.Thisistooimportantto
bendonformeandyou’retoostubborntoseewhat’srightinfrontofyourface.
Youwanttostayhere?Fine.Butyouhavetoleavemebe,letmego.”

HereleasedmeandasIwalkedthroughthedoorIheardhisvoicefollow.

“Whereareyougoing?”

Isighed.“Awayfromyou.”

Iwentdownstairsandwalkedaroundaimlesslytryingtofigureoutmynext

move.WhenIspottedBullIwalkeduptohim.“HeyBull.”

Hissmilefalteredwhenhesawmyexpression.“What’swrongbabe?”he

asked.

Ishrugged.“Everything.DoyoumindifIuseyourroom?Ineedsome

space.”

Henoddedslowly.“Surething,youneedanythingelse?”

Ishookmyhead.“No,I’llprobablycomeoutalittlelaterforsomethingto

eat.”

Hepulledmeinforatighthugandkissedmyhair.“It’sgoingtobefine

babe.”

Istartedtowalkawayandstopped.“Hey,ifyouseeNettiecanyouaskher

todropby?”Iasked.

Henodded.“Surething.”

IclosedmyselfoffinBull’sroom.HehadacomputerinhereandIdecided

tostartpreparingformydeparture.Ineededtofindmyselfaplacetostay,check
whatmymoneywaslike,andgetanewjob.Startingoveronceagain…thisis
beginningtogetoldtome.Alltheworkrequiredtodothis,thishastobethelast
time.EspeciallyoncethebabyisbornIcan’tbouncearoundlikethis,thebaby
wouldneedstability.Plusthewholeprocesswasexhaustingbothmentallyand
physically.

Abouttwohoursin,NettiecameintoBullsroom.“HeyAbee.”

“HeyNettie.”

Sheploppeddownonthebedbesideme.“Whatyadoininhere?”she

asked.

Ishrugged.“HidingfromLucifer…lookingforsomewheretolive.”I

confessed.

“Whatdoyoumean?Ithoughtthingshadgottenbetter.”Shesaidconfused.

Ishookmyhead.“SodidI.apparentlythoughnothinghasreallychanged.

Onceagain,I’vefoundmyselfbackinhisbedbeingnothingbutafuckbuddy.I
broughtupushavingtomoveyouknowwiththebabyandhedoesn’treallywant
anypartsofit.”

Nettierolledhereyesanddroppedbackonthebed.“Whatthefuck?Sowhy

thehelldidhegograbyouandbringyoubackhere?Thatmanhasmorethana
fewscrewsloose.Whathe’sgoingtoletyougoagain?Areyougoingtogoback
toCayuga?”sheasked.

Ishookmyhead.“No,I’mgoingtostayherewheremydadandyouguys

are.Idon’twanttonotgivehimtheoptionofknowingourchildIjust…Idon’t
knowhowit’sgoingtoworkwithoutsomeonegettinghurt.Inthemeantime,
thoughIneedoutofhere.Ineedtostartgettingstuffreadyforthebaby.”

Shesatupandgrippedmyhands.“YouknowI’mhereforyou,I’llbethere.”

“ThanksNettie.”

Shebitherlipasshethought.Sheeyedmewarilybeforeopeningand

closinghermouthafewtimes.“Whatisit?”Iasked.

Shesighed.“Well,I’vegotanidea…”

Icockedmyheadtotheside.“Ok,let’shearit.”

“ItoldyouthatBullsetmeupwithaspotrightnexttohim.Icouldyouknow,

moveintohisplaceandgiveyoumine.It’sfullyfurnishedandthereareextra
rooms.Twoextrarooms,youcanturnoneintoanursery…”Iopenedmymouthto
arguebutsheheldupafingertostopme.“Now,Idon’twantnoshitfromyou.
Let’sberealhere,Iknowyouhavethemoneyblah,blah,blahbutlook…you’re
sevenandahalfmonthspregnant.It’smoreabouttimethananythingelseandit
willbelessstressful.Plus,you’llbeclosetousifyouneedanything.”

“IsBullgoingtobeokwiththat?Imean,we’rekindofmakingplansthat

includehimandbesideswillyoubecomfortablelivingwithhim?”

Shewavedahand.“Girlplease,he’snotgoingtodofuckallaboutanything.

He’sactuallygoingtohelpmemovemystuffovertohisplaceandmoveyouin.”

Ilaughed.“Youbullythatpoorman.”

Shelaughed.“Heneedshisasskickedeveryonceinawhile.Andyou’dbe

onetotalk…Ifmymemoryisright,thenIdorememberyouslappingtheshitout
ofprezandhereyouarestillbreathing.”

Ishookmyhead.“Heneedstobeslappedeveryonceinawhile.”Isaid

repeatingher.

Shepattedmylegthenwenttostand.“I’mgoingtoheadhomeandstart

packingmyshit.Youshoulddothesame.Doyouneedanything?”sheasked.

Ithoughtaboutit.“Probablysomeluggageorsomething.”

Shenodded.“Cool.JustgetyourshitreadyandI’llbringsomebagsandshit

andhelpyougetittogethertogo.Gotit?”Inodded.Shebentdownandhugged
me.“Don’tworryaboutithun,it’llbeok.”

Igroaned.“Iwishyouguyswouldstoptellingmethat.”

Shejustchuckledandwithafinalwaveleft.

IdecidedIwouldwaituntilthenextdaytopackhopingthatbythenthe

worstofthestormwouldbeover.IknowIwasstillextremelyemotionalandI
didn’twanttohaveanotherfighttoday.Idon’tthinkIwouldbeabletohandleit.

“Babe?”

Ilookeduptoseebullenteringtheroom.Hewastryingtobalancetwo

platesandcupsinhishands.“Icomewithgifts.”Hesaidwithasmile.

Ishutdownthecomputerandmadespaceforhimonthebed.“What’s

that?”Iasked.

“YounevercameouttogetfoodsoIcookedupthisfancymealforyou.”He

said.

“Youcooked?!”Iaskedshocked.

“Yes,Imadehotdogs.AndIevenputketchupandmustard.Hell,Ieven

madesomesauerkraut;youmustbesomespecialbitch.”

Ilaughedandshookmyhead.“Awwthanks,thatmust’vetakenyoualotof

effort.Iappreciateit.”

“Sowhat’shappeningnow?YoutwoarelikeamarriedfuckingcoupleItell

you.I’mwaitingforthedayIcomeinandseehimsleepingonthecouch.”

Irolledmyeyes.“Theusual,himbeingastubbornprickandmebeingfed

up.”

Heshookhishead.“You’rebothfuckingstubborn.”

“Ohwhatever.DidyouspeaktoNettie?”Iasked.

Henodded.“Idid.We’regoingtobeneighbors.”

Ichuckled.“Wow,didyoutalkaboutitordidshetellyou?”

Hesmiledandshrugged.“Shetoldme.”

Ilaughedhard.“Shereallydoesruntheshow.”

Herolledhiseyes.“Don’tgetconfused,Iwearthepantsinthisfucking

relationship.”

Iwaggledmyeyebrows.“Relationship?”Iasked.

Heactuallyblushed.“YouknowwhatImean…stopbeingfuckingnosy.”

Ilaughed.“Wouldyoupeoplestopcallingmethat?I’mnotnosyI’mcurious,

hugedifferencebuddy.”Itookabitofmyhotdog.“Soareyougoingtotell
Lucifer?”Iasked.

Heshookhisheadandmymouthdroppedopeninshock.“Igetyour

pregnantasfuck,butyou’restillhot.Meseeingawienerinyourmouthisn’t
exactlyaturnoff.”

Ithrewmytissueathim.“Shutup.I’mjustshockedyoutellhimeverything.”

Heshrugged.“Hetoldmeyouweremovingout.”

“Wow.”WasallIcouldsay.Imean,Ididn’tthinkitwouldbethateasybut

thenagain,it’snotlikeImeantanythingtohimforhimtomakeadealoutofit.I
guessitwasagoodthingIbroughtthisupwhenIdid.Itwould’vebeenhorribleto
bedaysawayfromgivingbirthandfindingouthedidn’treallywantus.

WefinishedupeatingandBullletmehavehisroom.Hesaidhewas

headinghometohelpNettiemoveherstuff.Ithankedhimforeverythingandwent
tobed.Iendedupwakingupalittlelaterthanusualthenextmorning.Imademe
abagelandmademywayupstairstostartpacking.Ididn’tneedtostayhereany
longerthannecessary.WhenImademywaytotheroom,therewasluggage
layingtherejustwaitingtobeloaded.Icouldn’thelpthehumorlesslaughthat
escaped.Iguesshewantedmeoutjustasbad.

Insteadofdwellingonit,Igottopacking.I’dbeenpackingforafewhours

alreadywhenNettiearrived.“You’vegotalotdone.”

Inodded.“Yea,Ididn’thavetowaitfortheluggage.”Isaidgesturingtothe

openedbagsscatteredintheroom.

Insteadofanswering,shewenttoworkhelpingmeoutwithpacking.When

weweredoneshephonedBulltocomehelp.Whenhecametomyroomhe
wasn’talone.

“Youreadysugar?”heasked.

Inodded.“Morethanready.”

LucifergruntedbutIignoredhim.Instead,Ibeganwheelingitemstothe

door.WhenIwenttotakeadufflebagdownthestairsLucifergrabbedmyarm.
“Whatthefuckareyoudoing?”

Ilookedathimconfused.“What?”

Hegesturedtothebag.“You’renotsupposedtobecarryingstufflikethat.

Whydon’tyoutakeyourasstothecarandwe’llbringyourshit.”itwasmoreofa
demandthanastatement.

DidIwanttofighthim?Absolutely,butitwasn’tworthit.Iwasgettingoutof

thisplaceandawayfromLucifer.Afterthis,Iwouldbedonewithallofthis.This
timewouldbedifferentbecauseheknowsI’mleaving,he’slettingmegosothere
isnoneedtorunandhide.I’dsimplybeabletojustlivemylife.Iwalkedoutof

theclubhouseandscannedthewarehousefromtheoutside.WhenIturnedtoget
intothejeep,Itoldmyselfthiswasgoodbye.Iwouldneverlookback.

IrodewithNettieandBullinhistruck,whileLucifertrailedbehindusinhis.

Hehadtotagalongtohelpcarrystuffbecauseeverythingcouldn’tfitinBull’scar.
Ididn’treallycarethatheknewwhereIwasmoving,truthbetoldit’snotlikeit
would’vebeenkeptasecret.

Whenwegotthere,NettieandIfledtotheroomshethoughtwouldbebest

forthenursery.Welockedourselvesintherebrainstormingtheentiretimethe
guyswerebringinginmystuff.Tobehonest,Iwasjustavoidinghavingtobe
aroundLuciferandNettieknewit.Shejusthumoredmeanddidn’tsayanything
aboutitforthatIwasgrateful.Whenthecoastwasclear,sheledmebacktothe
frontandgavemeatour.Justinsidethedoorwasasmallfoyer.Totherightwas
asetofstairsthatwehadjustcomedownandofftotheleftledintoanicesize
livingroomarea.Therewasalightgraysectionalwithgreyandwhitemarble
tables.Therewasabrightorangeruginthecenteroftheroomwhichgaveita
brightflare.TherewasalargeTVmountedonthewallandabookcaseloaded
downwithbooksbesideit.Icontinuedintothediningareawhichwasn’tverylarge
butbigenoughtofitasix-chairdiningtableunderneathaprettychandelier.The
kitchenwasspaciouswithalotofcountertopspace.Therewerealltheappliances
youwouldneedbutInoticedthelackofcookingmaterials.Nettiejustshrugged
sheepishlyandsaidIshould’veknownbetter.Therewasahalfbathroomoffof
thekitchenandstairsthatledtothebasementwheretherewasadeskanda
washeranddryerhookup.

Upstairstherewerefourdoors.Sheledmefirsttothebathroomthatwas

nicelydecoratedandthenthesecondspareroom.Itwasnicelyfurnishedbut
nothingtofancy.I’dalreadyseentheotherspareroomwhichwouldbethe
nurseryandthenitwasthemasterbathroom.Therewasaqueen-sizedbed,with
anelectricfireplacenightstand.TherewasaTVthatIwouldguesswasabout50
inches.Therewasadresserandnightstand.Therewasawalk-inclosetandan
ensuitebathroom.Itwasniceandperfect.Itwasn’ttoomuchandmostlyitwas
comfortable.

NettiestayedwithmeforawhileoratleastuntilshethoughtIwasgood

enoughtobeleftalone.IhadamillionthingsonmymindaboutwhatIneedtodo,
butIhavetotakecareofthemostimportantthingonthelistfirst.Iwandered
aroundthehouseuntilIfoundthehousephoneanddialedthenumber.Aftertwo
rings,theyanswered.

“Heydad,canIseeyou?”

And…EverAfter

Chapter13

Mydadshowedupthenextday.HeheldontomycarthatIleftathisoffice

thedayhe’dhandedmeovertoLuciferforthefirsttime.Thatwasatleastone
lessthingIneededtoworryabout.WhenthebellrangIrantothedoorand
swungitopen.Withoutmissingabeat,hesteppedinandwrappedhisarms
aroundmeinabearhug.

“Princess”hewhisperedinmyear.

Ismiled.Beinginmyfather’sarmswaslikecominghome.“Hidaddy.”

Hesteppedbacktoholdmeatarm’slength.Whenhisgazefellonmy

stomachhisarmsdropped.Isighedknowingthiswasgoingtobebigforhim.I’d
spokentohimtwicesincemyreturnusingLucifer’sphonebutIhadn’ttoldhim
aboutanythingevenwhenheasked.Iclosedthedoorandwalkedovertothe
couchandsatdown.Myfatherfollowedbutdidn’ttakeaseat.

“Lookdad…”

Heshookhisheadcuttingmeoff.“Lucifer?”heasked.

Inoddedslowly.“Yes.”

Hesighedandranahanddownhisface.“GodAbelie,isthiswhyyou

disappeared?”heasked.

Myheadsunk.“Idid.HefoundoutIwaspregnantandwentcrazy.Ididn’t

knowwhatelsetodo.”

“Youcould’vecometome!Iamyourfather.DoyouknowhowworriedIwas

aboutyou?Notknowingifsomethinghappenedtoyouorwhywastheworst.”He
shookhisheadandfinallysatdownacrossfromme.Heunbuttonedhissuitjacket
andfixedhisgazeonme.“Iknewthough.Iknewithadsomethingtodowithhim.
Hewasfrantic,acompletemesswhenhecontactedme.AtfirstIthoughtitwas
themoborsomethingbutheassuredmethatwasn’tthecase.Iknewthenhe
knewmorethanhewaslettingonbutIjustwantedyouback.Thatmanwhois
alwaysincontrolandcalmwasbarelyhangingonbyathread.”

Ididn’twanttohearthis,Ididn’twanttotalkaboutLuciferbuthekeptgoing.

“Listen,Ihaveaconfession.Thatday…onmybirthdaywhenyoucalledyou
didn’tsayanythingbutIjustknewitwasyou.Icouldfeelit,andwhenyou
wouldn’ttalktomeIgotscaredsoIcalledLucifer.Heusedthattotraceandfind
you.Idon’tknowexactlyhowhedidit…but,didImakeawrongchoice?”he
askedworriedly.

Ilookedatmydadandthoughtaboutit.Ididn’twanttobefoundthen,Iwas

scaredtodeathwhenIsawLucifer.Iwantedhimoutofmylife;Ineverwantedto
seehimagain.ButthemoreIthoughtaboutitthemoreIknewitwasalie.WhenI

wasinCayuga,Icouldn’tstopthinkingabouthim.Hewasalwaysthere
tormentingmeeitherinfearandangerorinwantandneed.Heneverreallyleft
me,andmostofallIwouldn’tlethimgo.NowI’mnotsosurethatIdidn’twantto
befound.WhileCayugawasgreat,Imissedeveryonebackhereandoutsideof
thedramawithLuciferI’mnotupsettobebackonlythatI’dlostthepeopleI
met…especiallyJames.

SoinanswerIshookmyhead.“Nodad,itwasokay.”

Hegavemeasmallsmile.“Soagrandpaeh?”

Ireturnedhissmile.“YesandbeforeyouaskIdon’tknowthesexyet.Iwant

ittobeasurprise.”

Henodded.“AndLucifer?”

Igroaned.“Yes,he’sthefather.”

Henodded.“Wellyoucoulddoworse.”Iscoffedandhegavemea

questioninglook.“Seriously,hecankeepyousafeandheobviouslycaresabout
you.Idon’tthinkhe’dsearchedforyouthewayhedidifhedidn’tcareAbee.”

Irolledmyeyes.“Right.Look,let’stalkaboutsomethingelse?”

Henodded.“Ok,sowhat’snext?”

Ishrugged.“Ineedtofindajob.I’mstayingherebutit’snotmyplace,my

friendisbasicallylendingittome.”

“Icouldgetyouaplace.”Mydadoffered.

Ishookmyhead.“NoIwanttodothisonmyown,Icandoit.”

Mydadsmiled.“Youwerealwaysstrong,Iknowyoucan.”

Hestoodtogo,Iknewthiswouldbeashortvisitsincehewasverybusybut

hejusthadtomakesometimetofinallyseeme.Istoodupandwrappedmyarms
aroundhim.“Thanksdad,Iloveyou.”

Hekissedmycheek.“Loveyoutooprincess.”Hewalkedtowardsthedoor

andstoppedreachingintohispocket.“Thisisforyou,soIcanyouknowcallyou
andstuff.”

Irolledmyeyes.“Youmeantokeeptabsonme?”Iasked.

Helaughed.“Yes,thattoo.Talktoyousoon.”Andwiththatandawavemy

dadwasgone.

Itonlytookmeaweektofindajobandsomethinginsidemetoldmethatmy

dadhadsomethingtodowithit,butIwasn’tgoingtocomplain.Iknewtherewas
butsomuchIcouldkeepmydadoutof.He’slikeanaddictwhenitcomesto
takingcareofme;Ihavetoweenhimoffslowly.Iwouldn’tbeofficiallystarting
untilafewmonthsafterthebaby.Untilthen,itwasjustacontract.Iwouldsendin
somedesignstothemonschedule…theonlyissueisthatwhileI’mcontracting

theygettotellmewhatthey’relookingforandIhavetobringittolife.WhenI’m
fulltimeI’llgettodictatewhatIcreate.

Nettieaccompaniedmetomyeighthmonthappointment.ToDr.Silverman’s

delight,mystresslevelshavedecreaseddramaticallyandeverythingwaslooking
great.Iwasasbigasahouseandquitefranklyreadytopop.Sinceitwasan
earlymorningappointmentwespentthenexteighthoursbuyingfurniture,clothes,
paint…younameitwegotittoputtogetherthenursery.Ihadanassignmentdue
onFriday,soIcouldn’tworkonitimmediatelyandImadeplanswithNettietostart
thisweekend.ImaginemysurprisewhenshecallsmeFridaynighttosaythatshe
bookedustheweekendataspa.NomatterwhatIsaidshewentonandonabout
needingittohelprelaxbeforethebabyuntilIcaved.

NettiepickedmeupfirstthingSaturdaymorning.Ionlypackedasmallbag;

wewerejuststayinguntilSundaynight.Shegotwhatshecalledtheeverything
packagewhichmeanteverythingtheyhadtoofferwewerefreetoindulge.
OriginallyIwasagainstthiswholeidea;I’vejustbeensoswampedwiththings
thatneededtobedone.Butnowthatwe’reonourwaythere,havingtodonothing
foracoupleofdayssoundsreallyfreakingamazing.Plus,mysorefeetcould
definitelyuseanicegoodrub.

Theplace–foralackofbetterwords–wasextravagant.Itwashugeand

elegantlookingwithvalet.Iwasinstantlystrickenwithguiltthinkingofhowmuch
thishadtoofcosther.SureIwasusedtohavingmoneybutoutsideofmyshoe
obsession,Iwasneverreallybigonsplurging.Iforsurewouldneverhave
thoughttobookanythinglikethis.Sheusheredmeinsideandtothefrontdesk.
Wewerecheckinginwhenacommotioncaughtmyattention.

“Bitch!”

IspunaroundandgaspedasJamesstrodeovertous.“James!”Isquealed

andrantohim.

Hewrappedmeupinahugandstoodback.Hethrewhishandsonhiships

andglaredatme.“Ifyouweren’tsodamnpregnantIwouldsobitchslapyouright
now.Jia-ImeanAbelie.”

Ismiledguiltily.“I’msorry.Itwasn’tyouatallIjustcouldn’triskit.”Itoldhim.

Heshookhisheadandgrabbedmyhands.“Youcould’vetoldmeanything.I

wouldn’thavesaidawordhoney.Whoknewyourlifewassojuicy?”heasked.

Irolledmyeyes.“Howdidyoufindoutanyway,howareyouhere?”

Hethrewahandoverhisheart.“I’mhurt,youdon’tloveme?Wellfineyour

girlNettieovertherefoundme.Sheneedssomehelpfromanexpertwith
planningsomeone’sbabyshower.”

Igroaned.“Notyoutoo!IalreadytoldherIdidn’tneedit.WhatamIgoingto

dowithbothofyou?You’rebothextremelyhardheadedandhellbentonhaving
yourway.”

Hesmiledandloopedhisarmthroughmine.“Andyouloveusforit.”

Wewenttodropoffourbagsinoursuiteandspentthedaygetting

massagesandalltypesofstuff.Theyhadthisgreatpackageformotherstobe
andtheyindulgedwithme.BythetimeweweredoneIwasrefreshedandfeeling
amazing.Wegrabbeddinnerattherestaurantinthehotelandthefoodwas
fabulous.WhenwereachedtheroomIfeltlikeamillionbucks.Jamesgrabbeda
glasswithabottleofredwine,whileNettiegrabbedabottleofwhiskeyandashot
glass.Me?Iwasstuckwithapitcheroflemonade.

“Sodoll,spill.NowthatthecatisoutofthebagIwanttoknoweverything.”

Jamesstarted.

Ituckedmylegsundermyselfandgotcomfortable.“Well,I’mnotfrom

Maryland…”

Herolledhiseyes.“Obviously,skipthestuffthatIdon’tneedtoknowand

gettothegoodstuff.”

Isighed.“Fine.MydadisloadedandsoamI.Hegotintosomemessand

hiredsomeonetolookafterme.IgotknockedupandIlefthim.Boom.”

Nettiesnickered.“What’ssofunny?”Jamesasked.

“Ifanyonehasevergivensomebullshithalfassstorythatwouldbeit.Ifyou

wanttoknowI’lltellya.”

Jamesheldupahand.“Okbeforeyoustart,atleasttellmeifthemanis

real?”

BeforeIcouldanswerNettiespokeup.“What’dshesay?”

“Sexy,broody,badass,greyeyes,eightpack.”Jamessummarized.

Nettiegavemealook.“Sexyhuh?”

Ishrugged.“Iguesssomeonemightthinkso.”

ShescoffedandturnedherattentionbacktoJames.“Yesthatistrue,Lucifer

–“

“Lucifer?That’shisname?”Jamesasked.

Nettienodded.“Yep.Anyway,thesetwoweresohotforeachother.Youcan

feelthesexualtensioncomingoffoftheminwavesandinsteadofjumpingeach
other’sbonestheyfoughtlikefuckingpurebredenemies.Theyfuckingbickered
andshitliketwolittlekidsandtheneventuallyhefinallyfuckedherbrainsoutand
theychilledthefuckout.Imean,he’sadifferentpersonwhenitcomestoher
that’sforsure.Ithoughtforsurebeforesheleftthathewascrazyabouther…but
whenshecameback…Imean,sheslappedtheeverlovingshitoutofhimand
what’shedo?Hekissestheshitouttaher.IfthataintlovethenshitIdon’tknow
whatis.”

Jamesgasped.“Youslappedhim?Ithoughthewassomebigbadscary

man.”

Irolledmyeyes.“Hemadememad.”Igrumbled.

Nettiegrunted.“Shewaspissedforsure,butheisn’tsomebigbadscary

manhe’sthefuckingworstnightmareofJeffreyDahmer,Imeanyoudon’tfuck
withthismanhehasnosenseoffuckingremorse.NooneandImeannoone
fuckswithhim…wellexceptforher.”Shesaidpointingathumbmyway.

“Whatever,canwediscusssomethingelse?”Iaskedandtheygladly

changedthesubject.

Chapter14

“I’vegotdibs!”Iyelledwalkingtothebathroom.

“Howdoyougetthebathroomfirst?”Jamesaskedinavoicethickwith

sleep.

“One,youcanbothusetheextrafewminutesofsleep.Two,I’mpregnantso

I’musingthepregnantgirlcardyoucan’ttellmeno.”

“Whateverbitch.”Hemumbled.

Ismiledandmademywaytothebathroom.Westayeduplatelastnight

talkingandthemdrinking.Iknowhowlongtheybothtaketogetreadyinthe
bathroomwhenhungoversoIneededtotakeadvantageincaseIneededto
seekoutbreakfastbeforethem.Myappetitewasinsanethesedays.

IhoppedintheshowerandIheardthedooropen.“I’vegottopiss.”Iheard

Nettiesay.

Iignoredherandcontinuedtoshower.Iwasshampooingmyhairwhenshe

screeched.“WHATTHEEVERLOVINGFUCKISTHIS?”

InstinctivelyIpulledthecurtainbackandpeeredatwhatcausedher

reaction.Shehadahorrifiedlookonherfaceassheheldupmycottonprenatal
underwearthatI’dbroughtinthebathroomwithmetoputonwhenIwasdone.

Iinstantlyblushed.“Thosearemypanties.”

Shefrowned.“What?Youmeanyouactuallywearthese?”sheasked.

“What’sgoingon?”IheardJamesaskfromthedoorway.

Nettieturnedaroundandshowedhimmypanties.Idon’tthinkIcouldbeany

moreembarrassed.“Theseareherfuckingdrawers!”

Jamesgaspedhorrified.“Dearmotherofgod,youcannotbeserious.”

“They’reforpregnantgirls.”Iargued.

Jamesstomped.“No,absolutelynot.Hurryyourassupinthatshower

becausewehavesomewheretogobeforewedoanythingelsetoday.”

“Where?”Iaskedwearily.

“Don’tworry,hurryyourassup!”Jamesdemandedandtheybothleftthe

bathroomtalkingaboutmychoiceofundergarments.

Afterwewereallfreshlyshoweredandhadourbelliesfullofpancakesthey

ledmeoutoftheresortanddowntheblocktoalingerieshop.Tomyutter
embarrassment,Iwasforcedtobuyafewlacy,racypiecesthatIfeltwere
completelyridiculousforawomanthat’saspregnantasIam.Iletthemtalkme
intoitmoretogetoutofthestoreandawayfromthecuriousstaresthattheywere

garneringwiththeirantics.

Wespenttherestofthedaygettingpamperedandbeautified.Ihadafresh

maniandpediwithanicenewhairstyleifIdosaysomyself.Idon’tthinkmyhair
haseverlookedsoshiny.Whenwegotbacktotheroomafteranhours’worthof
convincing,Ifinallyputononeofmynewbraandpantiesets.Ifeltcompletely
ridiculousespeciallyconsideringIcouldn’treallyseewhatIlookedlikeinit.
Thankfully,noonewouldbeseeingthismessandIwouldbediscardingitassoon
asIgothome.

AsIwasputtingonmydressJamesgrabbedmyarm.“Actually,Ibrought

yousomething.”

Hewenttohisbagandretrievedalargebox.IopeneditupandgaspedasI

withdrewthecontents.“What’sthis?”Iasked.

Jamesshrugged.“AlittlesomethingthatImadeforyou.Tryiton.”

Ididn’tneedanyfurtherencouragement.Ipulledthedressovermyhead

andwenttolookatmyselfinthemirror.Itwasawhitedressthatwaslooseand
thematerialcrisscrossedinthetop.Thebottomportionwasfittedandfellmid
thigh.ItlookedamazingonmeandIcouldn’tbelievethewayitfit,itwasperfect.

“OhmygodJames,thisis…Idon’tevenhavethewords.”Itoldhim.

Heshookhishead.“Noneed,satisfyingenoughseeinghowhotyoulookin

it.”

Dreadsetinontherideback,itwouldbebacktorealitysoon.Theweekend

withNettieandJameshadbeenamazingspendingtimewithmytwobestfriends
andseeinghowwelltheygotontogether.Ifonlythingscouldalwaysbethatway.
Nettiepulleduptomyplace;JameswouldbestayinginJerseyforafewdaysto
helpwiththebabyshowertheykeepinsistingon.

“OkJames,thisisus.”IinformedhimasIgotout.

HeandNettiesharedaglancewitheachotherandIfrowned.“Whatisit?”I

asked.

“Ohuhh…nothing?”Nettierespondedandmysuspicionwentonhighalert.

“Yea,nothing.”Jamesagreed.

Iputmyhandonmyhip.“What’shappening?”Iasked.

Nettieletoutanervouslaugh.“Jamesisactuallystayingwithme.Bullis

givingusthespace;he’sstayingattheclub.Wehavealotofpreparationsto
makethatyoucannotbeinvolvedin.”

Icockedmyheadtothesidenottotallyconvinced.“Areyousurethat’swhat

itis?”

“Yep,absolutely.Getsomeshuteyenow,goodnightbiotch!”James

screechedandwithoutwaitingforanyfurtherresponsesfrommetheymadetheir
waydowntheblock.Atthispoint,youshouldn’tbesurprisedthatBull’splacewas
literallyonthesameblockasNettie’sonlyafewhousesdown.

Idecidedtoletitgoandheadedinside.Idroppedmybagsrightinsidethe

doorandwenttomysketchpad.IstudieditforamomentdebatingonwhetherI
shouldindulgeorcallitday.Intheend,IdecidedthatIwasstillonvacationsoI
wouldn’tbedoinganywork.Iwentupstairsanddecidedtostopinthenursery.It
wasahabitofmineeventhoughIstillhadn’tgottenanythingintheredoneyet.I
wouldwalkinthereandimagineitwassetupthewayIwanteditandtherewasa
babyinthecriborIwassittinginarockingchairnursinghim.

Iwalkedinsideandfrowned.Theshadowsintheroomdidn’tlooklikethey

should.IwalkedoverandturnedonthelightandIfeltmyheartdrop,everything
wasdone.Thewallswerepaintedcreamandwhite.Therewerestrippedpatterns
ofmultipleneutralcolorspaintedoverthewindowframe.Therewerepicturesof
differentanimalsliningthewall.Thecribwasupandinthemiddleoftheroomon
topofagreycoloredrug.Therewasamatchingdresserwithasmalllionlamp.In
addition,therewasasofaliningtheotherwallthatIdidn’tbuyandtherocking
chairwassetupandnexttothecrib.Theroomwascompletedwithabeanbag
chairandachangingtable.ThiswaseverythingI’dimagineditwouldbeand
more.IknewforsurethatIwouldn’thavebeenabletodoasmuchonmyown.

IwalkedtotheclosetandnotonlywastheclothesthatIboughthangingup,

butalmostfivetimesmore.Therewerecasesofpampersandunopenedbottle
packagesandothermiscellaneousbabynecessitiesliningthefloor.Icontinuedto
scantheroomconfusedwhenIheardacreekbehindme.Ispunaroundandhad
togripmychesttokeepfromhavingaheartattack.

“Babe.”

“Lucifer,whatthehell?Youscaredthecrapoutofmeareyoucrazy?”I

accused.

Heofferedmeahalfsmile.“Babe.”Herepeated.

“Lucifer,whatareyoudoinghere?”Iasked.

Hisarmsweptacrosstheroom.“Thisamongstotherthings.”

Ishookmyhead.“How…how’dyouknow?”

Heshookhishead.“Youreallyaskingmethat?”

Ifrowned.“Don’ttellmeyouhavetheplacebugged…”

“No.Whatthefuck?I’vejustbeenaskingNettiequestionsandshit.Shetold

meaboutyouneedingtodothenursery.Youdon’tneedtobedoingthistypeof
shit,you’rereallyfuckingpregnant.”

Iletoutahumorlesslaugh.“OhmyGod.Didyouguysworktogethertoget

ridofmefortheweekendsoyoucouldbreakinanddothis?”Iaskedtotallyput

out.Iamsonotafanofbeingsetup.

“Ididn’tbreakin,Iusedmykey.”Heinformedmecasuallyliketherewas

nothingintheworldwrongwiththatstatement.

“Yourkey?Howtheheckdidyougetakey?”Icrossedmyarms.“Andhow

didn’tIknowaboutthis?”

“One,Idon’tneedyourpermission…two,didyouthinkthiswasNettie’s

placeandBulldidn’thavekeys?Itookhisandmadecopiesthedayyoumoved
in.”

Islappedmyforehead.“Yourstalkernesshasnoboundsdothey?”Iasked.

Heshrugged.“Look,Iwanttotalk…”hebeganandIstormedpasthimoutof

theroom.

“Nowyouwanttotalk?Thetimefortalkingislonggone…I’vebeenthere,

triedthatanditdidn’twork.”Ithrewovermyshoulder.

IcouldhearhisfootstepsfollowingbehindmeasIwalkedtomyroom.

“Wouldyoufuckingquityashitforaminute?”heasked.

Ishookmyhead.“Absolutelyno–“mysentencewascutoffthesecondI

enteredthroughthedoorwayofmyroomandhisscentengulfedme.Ifrowned
andlookedaroundandnoticedlittleevidencethathe’dbeenhere.

“You’vebeenstayinghere?”Iaskedaccusingly.

“Yea.”

“Ok,whatLucifer…whatcouldIpossiblyfreakingdoforyou?”Iasked.

“Calmdownandsit.”Hedemanded.WhenIcontinuedtostandtherelooking

athimdefiantlyhegrowled.“Sitthefuckdown,shutupandlisten.”Hesaidmore
forcefullyandIacquiesced.

“I’mnotgoodatthistypeofshit…Idon’tknowhowtodothis.”Hebegan

runninghishandsthroughhishair.

“Try.”Iencouraged.

“Ifuckingam,can’tyouseethat?”heaskedangrily.

Ishookmyhead.“No,actuallyIcan’t.Itdoesn’tlooklikeyou’redoing

anythingbutthrowingoutdemandsasusual.”

“You’renotgiv–“HebeganbutIwasdone.Iwasn’tgoingtogodownthis

pathagainwithhim.I’dratherstopthisnowbeforeitspiraledoutofcontrollikeit
normallydoes.

“Look,let’snotdothis.Iacceptedeverythingwediscussedbeforethere’sno

needtorehashanythingok.”Itoldhimreassuringly.

“You’renotfuckinghearingme.”

“I.Don’t.Want.To.”Isaidensuringtopunctateeveryword.

“FUCK!Youwereright,everythingyousaidwasright…”hescreamedout

andbeganpacing.ThefacthejustadmittedIwasrightaboutsomethinghadme
rootedtothespotinshock.“IwasfuckingmadatyouforleavingbutIwasmadat
youtoobecauseIcared.Youhavenoidea,Iwasgoingfuckingcrazynotknowing
whereyouwereorifyouwasok.Iwasmad,Iwashurt,Iwas…outofmyfucking
mind.”

Hestoppedpacingandlookedmesquareintheeye.“Thenyoutoldmethat

Ihadfeelingsforyouandthatmademeangryandconfused.Thenyousaidyou
almostlovedme.Noonelovesme,I’mnobody.Nofuckingbodyandyousaid
almostlikeitwasanimpossiblethingtodo.Ijustdidn’tknow…Ihadtoomany
thoughtsrunningthroughmyheadandIcouldn’tgetagrip.ThenIgotyouback
babeandIrealizedhowmuchImissedit.Thenyouwantedtofuckingleaveme
again,changeme…Iwasn’treadyforthat.”

Heclosedthedistancebetweenusandgrabbedme.“Imightnotbemaking

anyfuckingsensebecauseIdon’tknowhowtomakesenseofthis.Ijustfucking
wantyouandyoucan’ttellmeno.”

Hewasleaninginclosernowourlipsinchesapart.Hisramblingwasallover

theplacebutsomehow,itmadeperfectsensetome.Mychestwasheavingwith
myshallowbreathsbecauseIwantedhim.Ijustcouldn’thelpbutthinkIwas
makingthewrongchoiceifIlethiminagain.AmIsettingmyselfupfor
heartbreak?“WhatifIwanttosayno?”Iaskedbreathlessly.

Hegrowledandbrushedhislipsagainstmine.“Iwon’tletyou.”Hesaiditas

apromiseandhekissedme.Ididn’tfighthim,Ilethim.Myarmsinstinctively
wrappedaroundhisneckandIpulledhimcloser.Heliftedmeoffofmyfeetand
placedmedownonthebed.“You’reminebabe.Ican’tpromiseyouhappilyever
after,Idon’tthinkIhavethatinmebutIcantry.”

Iheldhisfaceinmyhandsandlookedhimsquareintheeye.“Idon’tneed

happilyeverafterLucifer.Iknowwewouldneverhavethat,you’renoprince
charmingandI’mnosnowwhite.”Itookadeepbreath.“Wewillfight,scream,get
angry…butthatwillbeus.Becausewe’llmakeupandhavesexandyou’llkiss
metocalmmedown.That’sforever.Thatcouldbeoureverafter.”

Heletoutashakybreathandkissedmegently.Hestoodupbythebedin

frontofme,hiseyesrakedovermeslowlyfrommybarelessfeetupmyexposed
legsandthedressencasingme.“Youlookfuckingsexy.”IblushedasIthoughtof
thesurprisedressandimpromptulingerieshopping.They’dbeenpreparingme
forjustthismoment.

WhenhishandsdescendeddownonmydressIgrippedhiswrist.“Careful

withthedress,thiswasagift.”Iwarnedhim.

HegavemealightchuckleandIsatupandhelpedhimdiscarditcarefully.I

laidbackdownslowlywaitingforhisreactioninseeingmeinmynewblacklace.
Helookeddownatmeandlickedhislips.Hefelltohiskneesbetweenmylegs
andplacedhishandsonmystomach.Herubbeditslowlywhichearnedhiman
answeringkick.Hiseyesflewtomine.

“Isthat…?”heasked.

Inodded.“Yes.Iguesshe’ssayinghi.”

Heputhisfacetomybellyandspokegently.“Heytherebigguy.”Hesaidto

mystomachwherehereceivedafewkicks.“See,it’saboy.”Hesaidtome.

Irolledmyeyesandshookmyhead.“Wedon’tknowthat,nowgetonwith

it.”

Helaughed.“Eagerlittlebitchhuh?”heaskedasheplacedakissonmy

stomachandslippedhisfingersintomypanties.

Hebeganeasingthemdownslowly.“Where’dthesecomefrom?”heasked.

Iblushedevenhardersinceheinstantlyknewthesewerenotmynormal.Ido
cotton,likethecuteonesbutI’mnotcourageousenoughtoreallybuylaceorsee-
through.

“Iuh,Ijustboughtthem.”Iconfessed.

Hegrippedtheminhispalmandsniffed.“Weneedtogetyousomemore.”

Hesaidbeforespreadingmylegs.

Hetrailedkissesfrommyankleallthewayuptomykneebeforemovingto

theotherlegandrestartingtheprocess.Thefirstswipeofhistonguemademy
bodyarchoffthebed.Hetookhistimeonmelikehewastryingtomakesureto
tasteeveryinchofme.Hedrewmeintohismouthandusedthetipofhistongue
toflickmeandjustlikethatanorgasmtookovermywholebody.

Hecrawledupmybodybeforepullingmeintoapassionatekiss.“FuckI

missedyou.”Hewhisperedbeforehekissedmeagain.

Hegotupandbeganremovinghisclothes.“Yourbellyisbigger,thismight

notbeeasy…”hemused.

Irolledmyeyes.“Just…try.”Ipleaded.

Hegaveaslightheadnod.Hegrippedmebythebacksofmykneesand

draggedmetotheedgeofthebed.Thankfullythebedwashighsoitdidn’tleave
thathugeofadistancebetweenus.Hewrappedmylegsaroundhiswaistandhe
crouchedandslidhishandunderneathmybuttlevelingmewithhim.Hisother
handgrippedmywaistandheenteredmeinoneswiftmovement.

“Youwantthisbaby?”hewhispered.Inodded.“Letmehearit.”Hesaid

stayingburiedtothehiltnotmovinganinch.

“PleaseLucifer.”Iasked.

“Askmecorrectly.Askmetofuckyou.”

“PleasefuckmeLucifer,fuckmeplease.”Ibegged.

Withthathebeganmoving.Hewastakinghistimealmostlikehewasbeing

gentle.FromthewayhewasshakingIcouldtellhewastryingtoholdbackandI
grewfrustrated.“Harderplease.”

“Fuckbabe,thebaby…”hesaidthroughclenchedteeth.

“It’sok.”Isaidthroughheavybreaths.“I’lltellyouifit’stoomuch.”I

promised.Hestudiedmyeyesandmust’veseensomethingthathecouldtrust
becausehepickeduphisrhythmanddeepenedhisstrokes.Hedidn’tprolongour
orgasmlikeheusuallydoesandwewentovertogether.

Hecollapsedonthebed.“I’msorrybabe,butIneededthat.”

Ilaughed.“Metoo.”

WelaidtogetherinthesilenceandthedarkforawhilebeforeIspoke.“So

whatnow?”Iasked.

Icouldfeelhisshrug.“Idon’tknow.I’veneverdonethisbefore…welive

heretogetherwiththebabyandjustseewhatthefuckhappensIguess.”

IpushedmyselfupsothatIwasproppedonmyelbow.“You’regoingto

movein?”Iasked.

Helaughed.“Ialreadydidbabe.”

Iploppedbackdownonmyback.“Areyoukiddingme?Betteryet,whyamI

notsurprised?”Iaskedhimhonestly.

“Youshouldn’tbe.”Headmitted.

“SoyouknowJamesishere?”Iaskedhim.

Henodded.“Ido,IgotNettieincontactwithhim.”

Irolledmyeyes.“Whattheheckisgoingon?Areyoureallytryingtogetin

mygoodgracesorsomething?What’swithallthegoodhappeninghere…?”I
askedhim.

“Youdon’tlikeit?”heaskedturningtofaceme.

IsighedandscooteduntilIwaslyingonhischest.“Ido,it’sjustabit

overwhelmingIguess.Verysurprising.”

Hegruntedinresponse.“Haveyouheardaboutthebabyshower?”Iasked

him.

Hesighed.“Yes…andI’massumingIhavetogo?”

“Absolutely!Isthatarealquestion?”Iaskedshocked.

“Idon’tknowshitaboutthatstuff.NeverbeentooneIjustknowit’sabout

ourbabysoIassumed…look,cutmesomefuckingslackthisaintmylife.”

“Ok.”Iagreed.

“Alright,nowgothefucktosleepI’mtiredasshit.”

Isighedandrestedmyheadinthecrookofhisneck.Heplacedakisson

thetopofmyhairandwefellasleeplikethat.

Chapter15

“Reallyguys,youdon’tthinkthisistoomuch?”Iasked.

“It’syourdayhoney!Youhavetolookabsolutelyfab.”Jamestoldmewithall

seriousness.

Istaredatmyselfinthemirror.IhadononeofJamesoriginalsformybaby

showerandIwascompletelynervous.Iwasn’tlookingforwardtobeingthecenter
ofattentionespeciallysinceI’dhadnoideawhowasontheguestlist.Istaredat
myreflection,I’dleftmybrownhairdownandNettieworkedsomemagictowork
somenicewavesthroughit.Myhazeleyeswereoutlinedwithblacklinermaking
thempopwithjustatouchofnudeeyeshadow.Iactuallyworemascaragiving
someextralengthandvolumetomylashes.Mylipsweredonewithmyfavorite
bigbabygloss.

Thentherewasthedress.Itwasturquoiselooseandflowythatextendedto

thefloor.Itwasdefinitelyalittlechillyforitbuttherewasnothingthatwasgoingto
stopmefromwearingitifJameshadanysay.Itwasaropescoopneckline.The
breastareawascutoutandwaslinedwithsilverembroidery.Therewasaslitup
themiddleofthefrontofmydressuptomythigh.Thiswaspairedwithasilver
waistbeltwithayellowgeminthemiddle,andpairofsilverheels.Idecideditwas
oktobringheelsbackoutoftheclosetjustforthisoccasion,IjusthopethatI
couldmakeitthroughtheentirenight.Lastly,I’dfoundanearringandnecklace
setthatwasasimplewhitegoldwithdiamondssurroundingasingleyellow
emeraldoneach.Ihadmeanicestashofjewelry–courtesyofmydad–
unfortunatelyIonlypulledthemoutonceinabluemoonastheywereprettyover
thetopformostoccasions.

“Youlookfuckinghot.Notmytypicallook,butIcouldworkwithit.”Nettie

complimentedme.

Ilookedoverather,whowasalsowearingaJamesoriginal.Shelooked

amazing;I’veneverseenherinclotheslikethis.Aspartoftheagreementto
lettingthemthrowmethislittleshindigtheyrequiredthatIweartheoutfitthatthey
choseforme.So,inreturnIsaidtheydothesame.JamesandIworkedtogether
onNettie’soutfitwhileImadehis.Fine,Iknowitmightbecornybutheyitmade
mehappy.ForNettiewedecidedtogoblacktokeepherinhercomfortzone.She
hadblonde,reddishlongstraighthairwithgreenslightlyslantedeyes.Herbody
wasaperfectfigure8andIknewwecouldusethatbesttoouradvantage.The
dressfitherlikeaglove;itwasallblackwithaverylowscoopneckshowinga
niceamountofcleavage.Itdroppedlowintheback.Itwaslongsleeve,andthey
weresheerwithaflowerlikepatternimbeddedinit,thesleeveswereconnected
bythesheerstripcrossingoverthehighneckofthefrontofthedressleavingher
cleavageclearlyexposed.Itfelltoherthighand,allIcouldthinkwaswow.

“Youlookstunningyourself.”ItoldNettiehonestlyandforthefirsttimeever

sheblushed.Jamessportedablackandwhiteprinteddesignblazerwiththe
pocketsandlapeloutlinedinblacksilk.Thiswaspairedwithapairofshiny
straightlegblackpants,andablacksilkshirtwithwhitebuttons.Ioptedfornotie
asthatmightbetooformal,andIknewhewouldkickmybuttifIdidanything
casuallikejeans.AllinallIthoughtwelookedfabuloustogether.

Theybookedacarforusforthenightandweheadedoveranhouranda

halflate.Jamesrefusedtoleavethehouseuntilhefeltthateverythingwas
positivelyperfectinhiseyes.Theplacetheypickedwasonceagainawesome.It
wasn’ttoofancybutwasn’texactlyshabbyeither.Thereweretablesforpeopleto
sit–thankfullynoassignedseatingorImight’vegagged–andatableontheside
thatwasalreadyloadeddownwithgiftsnexttoacake.Thefoodwassetupbuffet
styleandIwasoverallhappywiththeirchoices.

Thefirstpersontogreetmewasmydad.Afteruscatchingupforafew

minutesIexcusedmyselftoseewhoelsemight’veattended.Isawsomepeople
thatIgrewupwithandsomeofmydad’sfriends;obviouslytheycontactedhimfor
attendees.

“Abelie?”

IspunaroundtocomefacetofacewithmyoldbossfromAlexander

McQueenandtwoofmyothercoworkers.“HiKelly.”

Shelookedmeupanddownslowly.“Youlookamazing,pregnancyagrees

withyou.You’repositivelyglowing.”Ismiledathercompliments.

“Thankyousomuch.”

“Whomadethedress?What’sthedesigner?”sheaskedexaminingthe

dress.

Iofferedherahugesmile.“Actually,thedesignerishere.”

Hereyebrowsflewup.“Really?Whoisit?”

IgaveherthefingertoindicateonesecondandcaughtNettie’seyefrom

acrosstheroom.SheandJamesweregrabbingglassesofchampagne.Iwaved
themoverandwaitedforthemtojoinus.“Richard,Amanda,Kelly…thisisNettie
andJames.”IturnedtofaceJamesandNettie.“Guysthesearemyold
coworkers,AmandaandRichard,andmyoldbossKelly.”IgrabbedJames’hand
andpulledhimcloser.“James,Kellywasjustaskingwhodesignedmydress…”

Kellyextendedherhand.“Thisisyourwork?”sheasked.

Jamesnoddedenthusiastically.“Yes,designandstitch.”

“Wow,thisisamazingwork.Wheredoyouworknow?”sheasked.

“IcurrentlydesignforMacys.”

Hereyebrowsflewupandshereachedintoherbagretrievingacard.“Well,

letmeknowifyoueverwanttochangecareers.”ShemotionedovertoNettie.

“Yourworktoo?”sheasked.

“Notfully.Ididthedress,Abeedesignedthesleevework.”Hegesturedto

hisoutfit,“andshemadethis.”

Kelly’sheadswungtowardsmewithnarrowedeyes.“Noway!Whydidn’t

youevershowmeyourworkorsayanything.IknewyouwereintothebusinessI
didn’tknowtheextentofyourtalent.”

Iblushed.“Yousawmydesignsallthetime.Imademostofmyclothes.”

Kellycursedunderherbreath.“IwishI’dknown.Well,youknowhowtofind

me.Iunderstandyou’restartingafamilyandallbutwe’dbewillingtocontractyou
todesignforthecompany.I’msureI’dhavetorunthisthroughsomepeoplebutif
IshowyourworkIdon’tseeanissue.”

Iclappedmyhandsexcitedly.ItwasabigdealtomethatsomeonelikeKelly

wasspeakingsohighlyofmywork.“Youmeanit?”Iasked.

Shenodded.“Abso–“hereyeswentlargeandifI’mnotmistakentherewas

ahungerinthem.Kindoflikealionthatjustspottedit’spray.“Holyhotdamn.”
ShesaidunderherbreathandInoticedthatAmandahadzeroedinonthesame
thing.

JamesbegansnickeringbymysideandbeforeIcouldturnanarmsnaked

outandplaceditshandonmystomachinapossessivemanner.Hisscenthitme
andIclosedmyeyestoinhaledeeply.Luciferleaneddownandnippedmyear.
“Babe.”

“Hey.”Isaidturningmyheadslightlytolookupathim.

“Sugar.”

IturnedmyheadtoseeBullsidlingupnexttous.Hekissedmycheekand

lookedoveratNettieandhadtodoadoubletake.Shelookedbackathimshyly
ashepracticallyundressedherwithhiseyes.“Nettie.”Bullcroakedoutashe
walkeduptoherandwrappedanarmaroundhershoulder.Hepulledherintohim
andnon-toosubtlylookeddownherdress.

AthroatclearedandIturnedbackaroundtoKellyandAmanda’swideeyes.

Richardmust’veslippedawayatsomepoint.Theireyeswerepinponging
betweenthetwonewarrivals.Ididn’tblamethemabit.Tomyuttersurprise,
they’dshedtheircutsandalthoughtheystillsportedtheirjeansandboots,Bull
hadonaV-neckthatwastheperfectsizetoshowcasealltheunderlyingmuscle.
Luciferhadonayellowbuttonupwiththesleevesrolledup.Ilookeddownatmy
dressandeyedJameswhowasavoidingmakingcontact–thebitofyellowhe
incorporatedinmyoutfithadtoofbeencoordinatedbyhim.Luciferinabuttonup
wassexy,verysexy.Theroomfelt10degreeshotteratthesightofhim.Deciding
toputthesewomenoutoftheirmiseryIintroducedthem.

“Kelly,Amanda…thisismyfriendBullandmy–“Ifroze.Ididn’tknow

exactlywhattorefertohimas.

Hehoweversavedtheday.“I’mherboyfriendJohn.”Hesaidextendinghis

hand.KellylookedreadytopassoutatthecontactandAmandaswooned.Bull
andNettieseemedfrozeninshock.Iforonewastoostunnedtothinkproperly.
WhenIdidn’tmoveorsayanythingelseLucifergrippedthebackofmyneck
turningmetofacehim.

“What’swrong?”heasked.

“Nothing,Imeanyoujustuh…you…yea,thathappened.”Istumbledover

myself.

Helaughed.“Babe,chill.”Heleaneddownandgavemealightpeckonthe

lips.“Sowhatdowehavetodo?”heasked.

Nettiesteppedin.“Wehavesomegamesandstuff,thenthere’sfood,

presents,cake…Dancing.”

Luciferimmediatelystartedshakinghishead.“Nodancing.”

Irolledmyeyes.“Fine.”

Wespentthenextfewhourstalking,laughing,andhavingagoodtime.Alot

ofpeoplefromtheclubshowedupandIwassurprisedathowsmoothlyeveryone
inourworldsgotonwithoutahitch.Peoplefromtheclubweretalkingtosomeof
mydad’sassociates;itwasjustgoodtoseethattherewasn’treallyadivide
betweenus.Itwasreassuringformewhenthinkingaboutourchild’sfuture.I
wouldbethefirsttoadmitthatithascrossedmymindbefore.

Whenitwastimetoopengifts,Luciferfoundachairandpulledmeontohis

lap.Herefusedtoletmeupandeveryonegotakickoutofmyembarrassment.
Wegotatonmorethingsforthebabyincludingbabybaths,adiapergenie,
everythingyoucouldthinkof.Iwasabletotakeadeeprelaxingbreathfeeling
trulypreparedforthenextfewweeks.Afterwecutthecakeitwastimefor
dancing.Tomysurprise,itdidn’ttakeanycoaxingtogetLuciferup.Itmighthave
beenthedrinkshe’shad.Theybroughtoutthehardliquorawhileago.He
grabbedmyhandandledmeouttothedancefloor.Whenwereachedthecenter
andIwrappedmyarmsaroundhimthemusiccutoffabruptly.IlookedattheDJ
inconfusionandLucifertookastepbackreleasinghimselffrommyhold.

“Babe.”

Ifrowned.“Yes?”Iaskednervously.Ihadnoideawhatwasgoingon.

“Iwanttodothiswithyou,youknowlikeallin.Withyou,withthebaby.I

wantustodothisyea?”

Inodded.“Yes.”Icouldn’tunderstandwhywewerehavingthisconversation

now,especiallyinfrontofeveryone.

“Soyouknowyou’refuckingmineright?Andnobodyelse’s,Iwon’tever

shareyou.”

Ishookmyhead.“Iknow.”

“Let’smakeitofficialbabe,marryme.”Itwasn’taquestionasheproduceda

ringfromhispocketandliftedmylefthandandsliditon.Theroombrokeoutin
applausewhileIjustlookedatLuciferinshock.Hestoodtherepatientlywaiting
foraresponse.

NaturallythefirstthingIcouldthinkofwassomethingsmart.“Wasthata

question?”IaskedinawhispersolowIwasn’tsureifheheard.

Heshookhishead.“Nobabe,itwasn’t.”

SowhatelsecouldIdobutnodandlethimwrapmeupinhisarms.Ileaned

myheadbackforakissandhebrushedhislipsagainstmines.“Iloveyou.”He
whisperedagainstmylipsandIfelttearsprickmyeyes.

“Iloveyoutoo.”Iadmittedanditfeltlikemyworldwascomplete.

Oncethedancingstartedthepartykickedofffullsteamahead.OnceIsaw

theusuallyseriousanduptightAmandadancingonatablewithaglassof
bourbonIknewitwastimeformydeparture.ImademyroundsandmetLuciferat
thedoor.Hedroveushomeandforthefirsttimethatnightwemadelove.

Chapter16

OneYearLater…

“Iamsohappytheyseemtobedonewiththatconstruction.It’storment!”I

complainedtoLucifer.

“Stopbitching.”

Istompedafoot.“No,Iwillnot.Theheadachesareinsaneandthey

aggravateJiannatoo.”

“Istillcan’tbelieveIletyougiveourdaughteryourfuckingfakename.”he

grumbled.

IturnedaroundandsmiledatLuciferwhowasstaringatmeacrosstheroom

asIwastakingoutcleanunderclothes.“Itgrewonmeanddeepdownyouloved
it.”

Herolledhiseyes.Iwalkedtothebedandputdownthetoweltoget

dressed.IheardLuciferletoutagutturalgrowlandIlookedupintimetoseehim
eatupthefloortogetovertome.“Whatareyoudoing?”Iaskednervously.

“Youcan’tbeprancingaroundherefuckingnakedandthinkI’mnotgoingto

fuckyou.”Hegrowledashereachedmeandwrappedanarmaroundmesothat
hecouldpullmeroughlyagainsthim.

“HowelseamIsupposedtogetdressed?Ihavetobenakedatsomepoint.”

Iargued.

HenippedmylipandIyelped.“NowthatI’vegotyouhere,therearesome

thingsweneedtodiscuss.”

Ibitmyliptohidemysmile.“Whatdoweneedtotalkabout?”Iasked

innocently.OfcourseIknewwhatitwashewantedtodiscuss.JamesandNettie
threwmemybachelorettepartylastnightandwewenttoastripclub.Tosay
whenLuciferfoundoutlastnighthewaspissedwouldbeahugeunderstatement.
HewaslividandIhadtoturnmyphoneoffwhenhestartedblowingupmyphone.
TheydroppedmeoffwastedandIpassedoutimmediatelyrightbeforehecould
goonhisrant.

“Youwenttoafuckingstripclublastnight?”heasked.

Inodded.“Yes.”

“Didyoulookatanyofthosefuckers?”heaskedeyesnarrowing.

“Ofcourse,Idid!WhatelsewouldIbedoingthere?”Iaskedsarcastically.

Hegrowledandliftedmeandtossedmeonthebedandhefollowedme

down.Hegrabbedmywristsandpinnedthemtothebed.“Youwanttotrythat
again?”heasked.

Ishookmyhead.“No.Notunlessyouwantmetolie.”Ioffered.

Heleaneddownandbitmychin.“Youdon’teverfuckinglietome,youhear

me?”Inoddedtooturnedonatthispointtotalk.Havinghisbodyontopofmine
andhisarousalpressingagainstmystomachhadmewetinanticipation.

“Yes.”Ianswered.

“Nowdidyoutouchthem?Didtheytouchyou?”heasked.

TruthfullyIdidlook;Imeancanyoublameme.ButdidIindulgeinlap

dancesoranythingelse,no.WhywouldIwhenIhadhimwaitingformeathome.
DidIadmitthattohim?No.“YesIgotabunchoflapdances.”

Hisclotheswereoffinsecondsandhewasinme.“Don’tfuckingplaywith

mebitch.Thisisnotagame,Idon’tplaywithyou.Thisbodyisfuckingmine.You
arefuckingmine.AndNOBODYtouches.What.The.Fuck.Is.Mine.”He
punctuatedhiswordswithdeeppowerfulthruststhathadmeshiftingupthebed.
“Tellme.Tellmethispussyismine.”

“Yes.Yes.I’myoursLucifer.Ibelongtoyou.”Isaidbetweenbreaths.

“Why?Fuckingtellmewhy.”Heurged.

It’sbecomesomethingofaroutinewithhimtocoercethesewordsoutofme

duringsex.“Iloveyou.”

“Sayitagain.”Hepressed.

“Ifuckingloveyou.Fuck!”

Lucifergroaned.“I’mcumingbaby,cumwithme.”Inoddedandwhenhe

leaneddownandkissedmeIexploded.

Whenourbreathingbecamenormal,hesatup.“Moveyourass,weneedto

go.”

Iscoffed.“That’swhatIwastryingtodobeforeyoujumpedme.”

Luciferchuckled.“Let’sgo.”

JiannahadspentthenightwithNettiesinceLuciferandIneededtoruna

fewerrandsthismorning.Weneededtomakethemquickastheweddingwasin
twodaysandafterthiswewouldbasicallybepartingways.Wehaddecidedto
waitawhileafterJiannawasbornforustotietheknotofficially.Mainlytogiveme
timetoplaninbetweenraisinganewbornandworking.Beingafirsttimemother
andworkingseemedtoconsumeallofmytimesoIthinkwemadetheright
choice.Butherewewere.ItwasSeptemberandtheweatherwasstillgreat
outside.Ihadhighhopesthatthingswillworkout.

WeleftthehouseandIlookedattheconstructionzonenextdoor.There

werelargefencescloudingtheareaalmostasifitwerethisbigsecret.They’d
beenworkingontheareaforawhilenowandI’venoideawhattheheckthey’re

building.Theamountoftimeit’stakingI’msureit’samallorstoreofsometype
butthisseemedlikeahorriblyweirdneighborhoodtodoitin.Yousee,Iknowthis
mightbeweirdbutwewerestillcrashingatNettie’s.Therewasjustsomuchat
oncewedidn’twanttooverwhelmourselvesandpossiblycreateissueswedidn’t
needto.Plus,wespentthispastyeargettingtoknoweachotherandour
daughter.Ithinkit’soneofthebestchoiceswe’vemadethusfar,butoncewe’re
marriedwewillbelookingforahomeofourown.

Whenwegotbackfromrunningerrands,Luciferbasicallyheldmehostage

inbed.Hesaiditwastomakeupforthehourswe’regoingtobespendingapart
forthetimeleadinguptothewedding.Iwasn’tlookingforwardtothattimeasnot
onlywillIbeawayfromhim,butIwouldbeundernonstoppressureandchaosin
thefinalweddingpreparations.Bullpickedmeupthatnighttotakemetohis
house.HewouldbecrashingatourswithLuciferwhileJamesandIstayedwith
Nettie.JameshadcalledKellyandacceptedajobofferandmadethemoveto
Jersey.Havingbotharoundfulltimewasareprieveastheywerebothabsolutely
crazyaboutJianna.Luciferhasalsobeenspendingtimeathomesincewestarted
livingtogether.Hewouldgototheclubandhandlebusinessbutatnightwhenit
waspartytimehewouldbehome.Ifhewasn’tbusyattheclubhe’dstayhome
andmadehimselfavailablewheneverweneededhim.

ThedayinthehospitalroomwhenwehadJiannaandhetearedup,I’d

neverseenhimsohumanandvulnerable.Hefellinlovewithheralmostinstantly.
She’sdefinitelyadaddy’sgirl,hashimwrappedaroundherlittlefinger.Seeing
thismassivemanbendtoherisasightItellyou.Andtheotherguysfromtheclub
treatherlikeaprincess,Bullespecially.He’shergodfatherandthey’rethickas
thieves.I’msureonedayhe’dmakeanamazingfather.

IsatperfectlystillasthewomanthatJameshadhiredcompletedmyhair

andmakeup.Jameswaspracticallyshakinginanticipationtogetmeintomy
dress.Ihoweverwasacompletelynervouswreck.JamesandIworkedtogether
todesigntheperfectdressforme.

“Allset.”Themakeupwomansaid.

IturnedaroundtofaceNettieandJames.“Youlookbeautiful!”James

gushed.“Dresstime.”Hesaidunzippingthebagholdingthedress.Theyboth
helpedmeintothedressandonceitwasonIturnedtoinspectit.

Theentirebackofthedresswasmadeofalacedesignshowcasingmy

back.Theentirefronttopportionwasmadeofthesamematerialleadingintoa
leatherfittedbustierstyleddress.Thelaceoutlinedthedressfromthewaistdown
leadinguptothemermaidbottom.Itwasdifferentandboldandactuallylooked
stunningonme.MyhairwaspulledbackintoanelegantcurlybunstylethatI
knewnothingaboutbutlookedreallygreat.Iforwentaveilthinkingitwastoo
muchforus.Ihadonapairofblackstilettos.

Whenmydadcameintogetmetowalkmedowntheaislehishand

immediatelyflewtohismouth.Hiseyestearedupandinturnsodidmine.“You
lookbeautifulprincess.”

Ismiled.“Thankyoudaddy.”

Hewalkedover.“Ithoughtyoumightneedafewextrathings.”

HehandedmeaboxandIopenedit.Insidewasabeautifuldiamondchoker

withmatchingearrings.Ilookedupatmydadinquestion;IalreadyhadjewelryI’d
plannedonwearing.“Theywereyourmothers;sheworethemonourwedding
day…Ithoughtitwouldbeyoursomethingoldandsomethingborrowed.”The
tearsbrimmingonthesurfaceescapedasItracedoverthesparklingdiamonds
withashakyhand.

“Wouldyouputthemonme?”Iasked.

Mydadnoddedandgentlysecuredthejewelryinplace.Ilookedatmyselfin

themirrorandadmiredthejewelry.“Youlookjustlikeheryouknow,it’slike
lookingatherintheflesh.bellissimaprincipessa.”

“Graziepapà.”

Hewipedthetearsfromhisface.“Nowyou’resomethingnew…”hehanded

meanotherbox.Insidewasabracelet.Itwaswhitegoldinasnakedesign
encrustedwithmorediamondsthannecessary.Ontheinsideitwasengraved,
ForeverAfterAbee.TherewasasmallnoteunderneathitandIliftedit.

Thisisthefirstofmanynewforthefuture.

Foreverafter.

L

Ismiledandsecureditontomywrist.

“Youready?”mydadasked.

Ilookedathimandnodded.“Neverbeenmoreready.”

JamesandNettieexitedwithBullandCutterwhowasthemaidofhonors

andbestmen.Wedidn’thavebridesmaidsorgroomsmen.Thesongchangedto
theweddingmarchandwithmyarmwrappedthroughmyfatherIfollowedhim
downthefloweredpathinthegardenwe’dchosenfortheceremony.Therewasa
slightbreezebutnochill.WhenIspottedLuciferstandingatthefront,myheart
stopped.NettieandJameshadbeenhellbentongettinghiminatux.Ihowever,
toldhimthatIdidn’tcarewhatheworeaslongashewastherewaitingforme
whenitwastime.

Hewaswearingallblack.Histuxmadehimlookabsolutelydelicious.Iloved

themaninjeansandat-shirt,butseeinghimlikethiswassomething.Hishair
wascut,butstillmussedupinthewayIlikedandhisfiveo’clockshadowwas
firmlyinplace.Hisblacktuxfithimlikeitwastailoredmade–whichitmostlikely
was–withablackshirtandtie.Hehadonafittedleathervest,whichhadtobe

custommadeasitadornedtheHadesMCpatchsmallintheupperleftcorner.

Ieagerlymademywaytohimatthefrontandhepracticallysnatchedme

awayfrommyfatherandkissedme.“Youlookbeautifulbabe.”Hewhisperedina
raspyvoiceandIblushed.Thepreacherproceededwiththeceremonyandwe
optedfortheclassicversionandnotwriteoutourownvowels.Honestly,Lucifer
didn’thaveaproblemwithitbuthecouldn’tpromisetokeepitclean.Soasnotto
offendthepreacher,wedecidedagainstit.

Whenitwasallsaidanddone,I’dforcedLucifertotakepicturesbuthe

refusedtogotothereception.Hewasreadytogetoutofthere,andsinceJianna
wouldbestayingwithmydadforthenexttwodayshewasreadytomakeaclean
getaway.BeingthatIwasfeelingthesameIdidn’tfighthimwhenhegrabbedmy
handandledmeoutwherenoonewouldseeus.

“Firstthing’sfirst,Igettogiveyouyourweddinggift.”Itoldhim.

Tohisdismay,hehandedthecarkeysovertomewhenIrefusedtotellhim

whereweweregoing.Idroveusouttothecemeterywherehissonwasburied.
Whenwegottherehelookedbothpissedandweary.I’msurefromconfusionas
towhyIwouldbringhimbacktoaplacethatheldsomanymemoriesofpainon
ourweddingday.Whenwegotoutofthecarhewouldn’tbudge.

“Whatthefuckarewedoinghere?”hefinallyasked.

Isighed.“You’llsee.”Hisfacetoldmethatthatwasn’tgoingtofly.“Please?

Justtrustme.”

Hegruntedbutheletmegrabhishandandleadhim.Wenavigatedthrough

thecemeteryandIcouldfeelLucifer’suneaseemanatingoffofhiminwaves.As
wegotclosertothegravesite,Lucifer’sbodybecamerigidwithtension.Istopped
whenweweremerefeetawayandturnedtoLucifer.

“Listentome;it’sgoingtobeok.I’vegotyou,youcandothis.”Iencouraged

him.

Heshookhishead.“Ihaven’tbeenheresinceIburiedhim.Ipractically

abandonedhimandI’mnotsureIcanfuckingdealwiththis.”Headmitted
anxiously.

Isqueezedhishands.“Youcan.”Imadesuretoholdhiseyessohecould

seemyseriousness.

Heletoutasighandgavemeasmallnod.Weclosedthedistancetothe

gravesiteandIstoodsilentlybyhissideasIwaited.Hiseyesscannedthegrave
slowlyandwhentheyfellontheheadstoneheinhaledasharpbreath.Hetooka
fewstepsforwardanddroppedtohiskneeandranhishandoverit.

“Babe.”Hewhispered.

Iwalkedovertohissideandputacomfortinghandonhisshoulder.“Yea?”

“Youdidthis?”heasked.

Inodded.“Idid.He’sasmuchapartofourfamilyasanyoneelse.”

Ilookedattheheadstone.I’dhadanameengravedonit.Luciferhad

confessedtomethathe’dneveractuallynamedhim.Mainlybecausehedidn’t
haveanametogivehim.OncewesignedthemarriagelicenseIhadthisdone.I’d
givenhimhisfather’sname,JohnBianchiJr.helovedhisson,andinturnIloved
him.Althoughwewouldnevergettoknowhim,atleasthecouldrestinpeace
knowinghehasafamilythatloveshim.

Luciferstoodandwrappedmeinhisarms.“ThanksAbee.Ifuckinglove

you.”

Ismiled.“Iloveyoutoo.”

WestayedatthegravesiteforawhiletalkingtoJohn.Itwasniceseeing

Lucifertalktohim,anditwaslikeIcouldfeelahugeweightofguiltliftoffofhis
shoulders.Ilethimtakeallthetimeheneededandwhenhewassatisfiedwe
walkedouthandinhand.WhenwereachedthecarandIwenttogetintothe
passengersidehegrippedmyarmandpulledmeoutpinningmetothesideof
thecar.

“Fuckbabe…”hesaiddroppinghisheadandplacingakisstomyneck.

“Thankyou.”

Irubbedhisface.“Youdon’thavetothankme.Webothneededit.”

Henodded.“Nowit’stimeformetogiveyoumygift.”

Ishookmyhead.“Canitwait?Ijustwanttobealonewithyou.”Iconfessed.

Hechuckled.“No.”withthathegavemeachastekissandletmegetinto

thecar.

“Canweatleastgohome?”Iasked.

Hisheadcockedtothesideinthoughtandthenhelookedatme.“Ok.”

Theridehomewasquietandthoughtful.Whenwegothome,Luciferparked

infrontofthehouse.Hecamearoundtohelpmeoutandgrabbedmyhand.
WhenhewalkedpastthewalkwayIfrowned.

“Wherearewegoing?”Iaskedconfused.

Hedidn’trespond.InsteadhekeptwalkingawayfromourhomeandI

followedinconfusion.WhenhecametoastoponthesidewalkIlookedathim
andnoticedhimlookinginfrontofus.IfollowedhisgazeandIthenrealizedthat
thefencethatwasupnextdoorwasgoneandinfrontofusstoodahugebrick
homewithbaywindowseverywhere.Therewasaporchwithaswingandthetwo
woodenfrontdoorslookedinviting.

“Wow…sothisiswhatthey’vebeendoing.I’dsayitwasalmostworthallthe

noise.It’sbeautiful!”Imused.

Luciferlookedatme.“Youthinkso?”heasked.

Inodded.“It’slikeadreamhome.”

Hesmiledandhebeganwalkingagaintowardsthehouse.“Whatareyou

doing?”Iwhisperedfrantically.

Hedidn’trespondjustkeptgoinguntilwewereinfrontofthehouse.When

heturnedthehandleIgrippedhishand.“Youcan’tgointhereLucifer!”

Herolledhiseyes.“Whothefuckisgoingtostopme,Iknowyouwantto

look.”

Isighed.HepushedthedooropenandasIbegantostepinbehindhimhe

turnedandscoopedmeupliftingmeintohisarmsandcarryingmeintothe
house.“Aren’tyouromantic?”Iasked.

Hescoffedandputmedown.“Youdorealizethatyou’resupposedtocarry

methroughthethresholdofourhome.”Iinformedhim.

Helaughed.“Iknow.”

“You’reimpossible.”ItoldhimasIenteredfurtherintothefoyertoexamine

thehouse.

“You’redense.”

Ispunaround.“Notthebestwaytostartamarriagemister.You’recallingfor

thecouchalready.”Ijoked.

Hegrunted.“Thatshitwon’tfuckinghappenunlesswefallasleepthere

becausewewereexhaustedfrommefuckingtheshitouttayouthere.Nowdoyou
likethefuckingplace?”

Ishookmyhead.“Likeit?Iloveit,thisisawesome.It’sjustlikethehomeI

toldyouaboutIalwayswanted.”

Hewalkeduptomeandwithoutanywarningpulledmeinandkissedme

deeply.Hewalkedmebackwardsuntilmybackhitthediningroomtable.Iwasso
turnedonthatIdidn’tcarewherewewereorwhatcouldhappenjustthathewas
therewithmeandIwasclosetohavinghim.

Hedroppedhissuitjacketonthefloorandunbuckledhisbeltlettingthem

falldownonlyenoughtolethismanhoodfree.IstaredatitandIfeltagushof
wetnessescape.Justthemerethoughtofwhatwasabouttohappenwasenough
tosetmeoff.Hegrippedmydressandpusheditupuntilallofthefabricwas
bunchedaroundmywaistandthetable.Helookedattheblackgarterand
stockingsIhadonunderneathandgrowled.Hishandstrailedfrommythighs
downtomyankles.

“You’releavingallofthison.”Heraspedinmyear.

Inoddedinagreement.Hedidn’twasteanymoretimeandpushedmy

pantiestothesideandslippedafingerinsideofme.“You’resofuckingwetbabe,
youwantthis?”heasked.

“Yes,please.Iwantyou.”Ibegged.

Heleanedforwardandcapturedmylipswithhisandthenenteredmewitha

singlethrust.Icriedoutbutheswallowedthesoundsinhishungrykiss.Hewas
likeananimal,thetablecreakingandthreateningtobreakundertheforceofhis
strokesbutIlovedit.Thesmallpainturningintopurepleasure.Heslammedinto
meandgroundhishipscausingmetogooff.

“Ohmygod.”Imoaned.

“Notfuckinggodbabe,me.”Hepromisedasheswitchedhispositionand

beganhammeringintome.

“Ohno,no,no.”IchantedasIfeltanotherorgasmbuild.

“Yesbabe,fuckingtakethisshit.”hegrunted.

AfewmorestrokesandIbeganclenchingaroundhiminvoluntarily.“Fuck

babe,you’resqueezingmesotight.Cumwithme.”Hebitdownonmyneckand
justlikehepushedabuttononmeIletgoasIfelthimjerkandcuminsideofme.

MyheaddroppedagainsthischestasIheavedtocatchmybreath.“We’re

goingtogetbusted.Wejusthadsexinsomeone’shouse.”Isaidinawhisper.

Henodded.“Wedid…inourhousebabe.”

Myheadsnappedup.“Wh–what?”

Heshrugged.“Ihadthisbuiltforus,sowecanhaveourownoutofNettie’s.

AndIknowyou’dwanttostayclosetoyourfriendsandIprefertokeepus
close…”

Irolledmyeyes.“Tokeepaneyeonmewhenyoucan’thaveyoureyeson

me.”

HeshruggedandIlaughed.“Noshame.”Heshookhishead.“Sothisisit

huh?Wemadeit?”

Hegavemeasmile.“Iguessso.Neverthoughtthiswouldbemyfuckinglife

though,I’lltellyouthat.”

“I’mhappyitis.”Iconfessed.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhisneck.“Ilove

you.”

“Youfuckingbetter,nowI’mgoingtotakeyouupstairssoyoucanshowme.”

Hepickedmeupandcarriedmeupstairs.Inotedalltheadditionalroomsinthe
house.

“Whatarealltheroomsfor?”Iasked.

“ForallthefuckingkidsI’mgoingtoputinsideofyou.”Heinformedme

unapologetically.

Myeyebrowsflewup.“Ohyea?”

Hestoppedjustoutsideofourbedroomdoorandkissedme.“Fuckyea,

you’refuckingminenow…foreveryouhearme?”

Inodded.“There’snoplaceelseIcouldeverbe.”

TheEnd

Epilogue

Nettie

IhadmyarmswrappedaroundBull’sneckasweslowdanced.

“Ican’tbelievetheyskippedtheirownreception.”IsaidtoBull.

Helaughed.“Really?Youcan’t?”

Ishookmyhead.“ActuallyIcould.”

WecontinuedtoslowdanceandIinhaledhisscent.Itwassofamiliartome,

thethingthatI’veknownthelongest.Him,thiswashometome.Alwayshave
beenandalwayswillbe.Iwillbeforevergratefulforeverythinghe’sdoneforme.
Hewasmyrockevenwhenhewasn’taroundandhe’dneverknowhowhe’s
gottenmethroughsomeofmyroughestoftimes.Ilookedupathimandsmiled.

“ThanksBull.”Itoldhim.Idon’tthinkthatI’veeverthankedhimenough.

Hefrowned.“Whatfor?”Iasked.

Ishookmyheadnotwantingtoanswer.“So,asoftoday…ormaybea

coupleofdays,I’mfreetomovebackintomyplace.Youupforthework?”I
asked.

Hemovedbackputtingsomespacebetweenus.“Whatdoyoumean?”he

asked.

Ishrugged.“IwasonlywithyoutemporarilywhileAbeecrashedthereand

gotsettled.They’removingintotheirownhousenow.”

Bullpulledmebackinclose.“Youdon’thavetoleave.”

Iwasconfused.“Whynot?”

“Really?”heaskedsoundingfrustrated.

“Yesreally,whatamImissinghere?”Iasked.

“Youcan’tpretendonthis,Iknow.”Heinformedme.

Igrewnervousanddugmyfaceintohischest.Thereisnowayhecould

knowmysecret.I’vebeenabletokeepithiddenalloftheseyears.Hecouldn’t
possiblyknowthatI’minlovewithhim.Hell,I’vebeeninlovewithhimsince
almosttheverybeginning.WhenIwasyoungerIalwayspicturedusrunningaway
togetherandstartingalifeandgettingmarrieduntilheleftmeandrealitycrashed
down.IknowthereisnowaythatitwouldeverhappenandifanythingI’mmoreof
asistertohimthananything.Iwouldruineverythingbetweenus,andmy
unrequitedlovewasn’tworthit.

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”Iasked.

“This…us.IknowyoucanfeelsomethinghappeninghereNet.Don’tdeny

it.”Hesaidsoftly.

Myhandsgrippedhimalittletighter.“I’mnotsurewhatyou’retalkingabout.”

Heleanedhisheaddownuntilhismouthwasbymyear.Ashespoke,they

brushedagainstmegentlycausingbutterfliestoeruptinmybelly.“Don’tyou
Natalia?”

Ishiveredinvoluntarily.Nooneelseontheplanetcallsmebythatname

anymoresoitdoesn’tbothermethewayitusedto.HellIdon’tthinkanyoneelse
knowsmynameexceptmaybeahandfulandtheyneveruseit.IalwaystellhimI
hatethename–whichIdo–butIloveitwhenhesaysit.It’sjusttoodamn
dangerousbecauseofthefeelingsitinvokesinme.Thewayhesaysmyname
alwaysbreaksmeoutingoosebumps.It’slikepureseductionthewayitjustrolls
offhistongueandIdon’tthinkheknowsthehavocitcausesinmybody.Icouldn’t
respondbecauseIwouldn’tdarelie.

Tobehonestsincewe’vebeenlivingtogether,Bullhasbeenspendingalot

moretimeathishouse.AndIthoughtitwasjustmethatsometimesitfeelslike
someoneforgottoturnoffthestoveanditjustcontinuestogethotterandhotter
untilI’mreadytoerupt.Ihadnoideathathewasfeelinganything.I’msureitslust
but,Idon’tthinkIcoulddothat.Iwouldbeputtingtoomuchonthelineto
succumbtothosefeelings.

Hislipstrailedfrommyeartomyneck.Itwasjustafeathertouchseeming

accidentalbuthisnextwordstoldmeotherwise.Iknewthisvoice,I’dheard
before.Itwasthickwiththepromiseofsex.“Let’sgohome.”

IcouldfightitorIcouldgivein…soInodded.“Ok.”

Epilogue2

It’sbeensevenyearsandthey’veflownby.LuciferandIhavebeengoing

strongandthepastfewyearshavebeenamazing.He’sbeenanoutstanding
husbandandmoreimportantlyfather.SincegivingbirthtoJiannaeightyearsago,
we’vehadason,andtwins.RightIknow…twins.

“Abee,you’refuckinglate!”Luciferscreamedupthestairsimpatiently.

“HoldyourhorsesI’mcoming.”Iyelledback.

Icouldhearhimdownstairspacing,alwayssopunctual.Icouldhearhim

grumblingaboutmetakingforeverandalwaysbeinglate.Wellhecouldsuckit;
I’mgoingtotakemytime.Idescendedthestairsandhegrabbedmyhand.

“Youtooklongenough,ready?”heasked.

Irolledmyeyes.“Obviously.”

HegrippedmyhandwhenItriedtowalkawayandpulledmeflushagainst

him.“Babe,thisisyourshit.Cutyourattitudebeforewedon’tmakeit‘causeI
draggedyourassbackupstairsandfuckedthesmartasscommentsoutofyou.”

Mybodyinstantlyheated.“Promise?”Iasked.Allthoughtsofwherewewere

supposedtobegoinganddoingwentoutthewindowwithhispromiseofdoing
thedeliciousthingstomethatIlovedsomuch.

Hegrowledandkissedme.Justasitstartedtogetgoodhepulledback.

“Seriously,bringyourass.”Igroanedinfrustrationandfollowedbehindhimnone
toohappily.

WeclimbedintothewaitinglimothatheldBull,Nettie,James,Carlos–

James’onagainoffagainboyfriend–andmadeourwayafterbeingfussedat
fromeveryonefortakingforever.Thelimosloweddownaswhatseemedlike
thousandsofflasheseruptedoutside.Thedrivercametoastopandopenedthe
doorforus.Luciferexitedfirstandthenhelpedmeout.Everyonefollowedbehind.

Assoonaswesteppedontheredcarpetthevolumeofthecrowdraised

abouttenoctavesandthereporterswereallscreamingovereachother.One
womanwasabletoelbowherwaytothefrontandshoveamicrophonedirectlyin
frontofLuciferandI.

“Abelie,whatcanweexpecttonight?”sheasked.

Ishrugged.“Onlymybest.Asalways,I’mhopingtowowallofyouandhope

youseesomethingyouabsolutelylove.”

“Didyoudesignthatdress?”sheasked.

Inodded.“OfcoursethisisaJiannaoriginal.”Isaidwithasmile.

“John,whatareyourthoughtsonyourwife’sdress?”sheaskedcoyly.

Luciferturnedtolookatmeadevilishsmirktakingoverhisfeatures.He

grabbedmebythewaistandpulledmeclosebringingmeintoapassionatekiss.
Whenhebrokefreehewinkedatme.“Thatansweryourquestion?”heasked.

Hewasn’treallyafanofthepaparazzihejustenduredthemonoccasions

likethis.Heusedthatbreaktomakeagetawaydowntherestofthecarpet.I
couldhearquestionsbeingthrownatJamesandCarlosaboutiftheywereback
on.Carloswasafamousactorwhichmadetheirrelationshipstatus’hotnews.

I’msureyou’rewonderingwhatthisisallabout.Afterourwedding,ourlittle

socialbutterflyJameswasjustsoproudofourworkthathewastednotime
boastingaboutthebestlookingbrideandgroomeveralloverhissocialmedia.It
caughtalotofattention,mostlyfemalesoglingmymanandonceitreached
thousandsoflikesandhitspeoplestartingquestioningthedesigner.Afewsoonto
bebrideswantedtoknowwhereI’dgottenourclothesfromsotheycouldgo
there.That’swheneverythingspiraledoutofcontrol.

Atonofcompanieswantedtohireus,butwiththeamountofpublicitywe

garneredJames–withoutconsultingme–promisedwewoulddosomeworkfor
afewpeople.Turnsout,acoupleweresomereallyhighprofilepeopleandwell
wordspreadfarandwide.Atthatpointtherewasnoturningback,wehadenough
moneyalreadyofourowntostartupourselvesandhereweare.Wecalledthe
companyJiannaasthat’swhatbroughtmeandJamestogetherwhowasof
coursemyequalpartner.Ittookyearstobringushere,butthisisoursecond
annualfashionshowandeveryonewashere.IwasabletokeepJohnandhis
businessoutofthepeople’seye.Theywerejusthappytolookathisgodgiven
sexiness.HewasstillintheMCbuthe’smadeitevenmorelegitwhichismaking
himatonmoremoney.Withhispopularity,hewasabletohandlemoredealsand
acquiredabunchofbusinessesoverthecourseofthelastfewmonths.Hewould
neveradmitittomebutIknowhewasprobablystilldoingsomeillegaltradingor
somethingtokeepholdofhisbadboypersona.

“Babe,I’msoproudofyou.”Luciferwhisperedoncewetookourseats.

Ikissedhimsoftlyonhislips.“ThisiseverythingI’vedreamtof.”

Hegrunted.“HappilyeverafterlikeCinderella?”

Ishookmyheadwithasmile.“Ohno,oureverafterissomuchbetter.”

TheEnd