All I Want A Christmas Short Alexandria House

All I Want

(A CHRISTMAS SHORT)

Alexandria House

Pink Cashmere Publishing, LLC

Arkansas, USA

All rights reserved. This book or any portion
thereof may not be reproduced or used in any
manner whatsoever without the express written
permission of the publisher except for the use of
brief quotations in a book review.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters,
businesses, places, events and incidents are either
the products of the author’s imagination or used in
a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual
persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely
coincidental.

Printed in the United States of America

First Printing 2019

Pink Cashmere Publishing, LLC

pinkcashmerepub@gmail.com

Navy

I stared out my windshield at the house, at the
oversized decorations crowding the front lawn.
Dormant strings of lights outlined this home, my
childhood home, and on the roof stood replicas of
Santa Claus and his reindeer. If I closed my eyes
tightly enough, I could almost see my father
standing at the end of the driveway admiring his
handiwork, but he was gone—one of the reasons I
tried to talk myself out of coming home. Reason
number two’s vehicle was sitting on the street in
front of the house.

My ex.

“Ma is just wrong for this shit,” I mumbled to

myself.

Well, at least my sister, Heidi, had been

considerate enough to send me a warning text
message since she’d arrived before me to find him
in the kitchen helping Ma, and the moment I read

that message, my heart dropped. He was the last
person I wanted to see—ever.

“Fuck,” I hissed to myself, gripping the steering

wheel. After blowing out a breath, I sighed and
finally exited my car, making my way to my
mother’s front door.

Lakeland

I had moved from Mrs. Gina’s kitchen into the
living room, and as I fell into an easy chair, I felt
uncomfortable than a motherfucker, but I wanted,
needed, to see my girl.

My ex girl.

Shit.

Every time I thought about her being my ex, my

chest tightened. She should’ve still been mine, and
this Christmas, I was going to fix this shit.

I was going to get her back. I had to.

“Now, who are you, baby? You one of Gina’s

kids? You don’t look like the other ones,” an older
woman dressed in a pink track suit and white

pumps loudly asked me as she dropped onto the
sofa across from me, placing a huge pink handbag
in her lap. I recognized her as Navy’s great aunt
Princess. I was sure that was who she was because
of the huge pearl earrings and necklace she wore,
something I’d seen her wear before, but she
evidently didn’t recognize me.

I gave her a smile, but before I could answer her,

Navy’s younger sister, Heidi, who’d entered the
room in time to hear Aunt Princess, said, “No,
Auntie. He used to be Navy’s boyfriend. You don’t
remember him?”

I tried not to flinch. I mean, it was the truth.

What we had was definitely in the past, but the
words sounded so diminishing, as if our time
together was insignificant rather than a relationship
that spanned a decade.

“Naw, but y’all young folks always got

somebody new every time I see you. I can’t keep
up,” the older lady said.

I refused to let that get to me. I wouldn’t let my

mind wonder if Navy had brought someone else
home to meet her family. I had to keep it together
if I was going to win her back.

“Me and my Delbert was together for sixty-two

years before he passed. Y’all young folks just give
up too quick,” Aunt Princess continued.

Heidi rolled her eyes and muttered, “And your

Delbert had about ten outside kids, too.”

“What, baby?” Aunt Princess asked, cupping her

right ear.

“Oh, I forgot about your hearing, Auntie. I said,

that’s beautiful,” Heidi shouted.

I just smiled and shook my head. Then I took in

my immediate surroundings. The living room was
huge, just like the rest of the house. The seven-foot
Christmas tree was beautiful as were the poinsettias
and holly that decorated the room. Navy’s family
didn’t play about Christmas and I loved it. The
room began to fill up with more of the family
entering through the front door, including a few
cousins I’d met before, Navy’s brother, Junior, and
his girl, Tatiana. Everyone but Navy.

Just when someone decided to cut the stereo on

and Donny Hathaway began to serenade us with his
plans for This Christmas, a knock sounded at the
front door. Then the doorknob turned, and she
walked in, still gorgeous…still beautiful, with
smooth mocha skin. She was wearing jeans and a
red blouse. The jeans hugged her ample curves, and
although the blouse had a high neckline, her
cleavage was more than apparent.

I licked my lips and straightened in my seat as

her eyes rounded the room, eventually landing on
me. “Hey, everyone,” she said softly, shifting her
eyes away from me. “Um, Merry Christmas.”

Nearly everyone in the room chorused “Merry

Christmas” in response, and as Heidi and Junior
each pulled her into hugs, I took in her kinky-curly
hair, the tall boots she wore, and her scent. Navy
always smelled so good. It wasn’t necessarily
perfume. It was just her.

She’d hugged virtually everyone in the room

before settling her big round eyes on me again.
“Hey, Lake.”

I couldn’t stop myself from smiling as I returned,

“Hey.”

Navy

He greeted me in that deep voice of his, and I
feared my knees would buckle. He looked just as
handsome as I remembered, green eyes against a
chocolate backdrop of skin. Long legs stretched out
before him, a smile on his goatee-framed lips that I
was certain could stop traffic. The whole room
smelled like his cologne, or maybe not. Maybe my
sense of smell just involuntarily homed in on his
frustratingly familiar scent. And my heart? It was
beating erratically. I had to get out of that room and
away from him, so I excused myself to the kitchen
where I knew my mother was stationed.

“Hey, Ma,” I greeted her, making her jerk into

an erect posture from where she’d been peeking in
the window on the oven door.

Spinning around, she gave me a huge grin. “Aw,

it’s my Navy!” Then she pulled me into her fluffy
body, the one I’d inherited from her, and enveloped
me in the warmest hug. I’d missed her hugs while

dodging the feelings being in this place induced. I
hated my little efficiency apartment, which was all
I could afford, but at least being in it brought me
peace.

Backing out of the hug, she let her eyes survey

me. “You look beautiful, sweetie, all except for that
scowl playing at your lips.”

“Why, Ma?” I groaned.

Turning back to the oven, she chirped, “Why

what, sugar?”

“Why is Lakeland Davenport here?”

“Because I invited him.”

Silence from me.

She turned back around to face me, and with a

sigh, said, “Follow me.”

We ended up in her and my dad’s bedroom, and

I couldn’t help but notice that all traces of him
were gone. That wasn’t surprising, but it was sad. It
was Christmas, and my daddy was gone.

She patted the bed. “Come. Sit next to me.”

I did as she said, taking a seat on the foot of the

neatly made bed right next to her.

Grasping my hand in her soft one, she began to

speak. “That boy loves you, Navy, and you love
him. I still believe in love even after everything I
went through with your dad. I also believe you
need and deserve the love Lakeland wants to give

to you. Me and him talk often over the phone. He’s
always asking about you, and I invited him to
dinner today so he could see you because I knew
you’d be too stubborn and foolish to do it.”

“Foolish?” I squeaked.

“Yes, foolish.”

I blew out a breath and raised my eyes from the

floor to her face. “Do you miss him?”

“Your father?” She shrugged. “Sometimes. But

he made the decision to leave and move off to Bora
Bora or wherever with that woman.”

“Florida?”

She rolled her eyes. “Same thing.”

I shook my head. “How can you just go on like

he was never here?”

“What am I supposed to do? Sit around and

mourn a man who is very much alive? I don’t have
that in my DNA, sweetie. As long as I’m alive, I’m
gonna live.”

“I don’t know, Ma. I guess I just can’t wrap my

head around any of this.”

“It’s not your job to. Your job is to live your life

to the fullest.”

“I am, Ma.”

“By hiding away from the world and only

coming out of your apartment to work a job I know

you don’t like or want?”

“I love working at the bookstore. It’s nice and

quiet and—”

“Boring?”

“No, safe. Calm. Just what I need.”

“Okay, safety and calmness are good, but what

about love? Is your job providing that?”

“Ma…”

“Tell me you don’t still love Lakeland. Look me

in the eye and tell me that.”

All I could do was drop my eyes since I knew

she could spot a lie from a mile away. “I do love
him, Ma. That’s why I let him go…so he can be
happy.”

“How can he possibly be happy without the

woman he loves?”

“He’s better off without me.”

“And you’re better off without him?”

Before I could attempt to lie, Heidi’s voice

pierced the relative peace of my mom’s bedroom.
“Ma, your puppy’s whining. What should I do?”

Shooting my gaze from Heidi to my mother, I

said, “Puppy?”

“Yes,” Ma replied with a grin. “Bring her here,

Heidi, so I can introduce Navy to her.”

A minute or so later, Heidi returned with the

tiniest, fluffiest, most adorable little white and
brown puppy, handing it to my mom.

After making kissy sounds at the little ball of fur,

Ma said, “Navy this is my new baby, Bitch. Bitch,
this is your big sister, Navy Jane DuBois.”

As she handed the puppy to me, I asked, “You

named it Bitch? Really, Ma?”

“She’s female, so to keep it simple, I call her

Bitch. What’s wrong with that?”

I shrugged. “Nothing, I guess.” Then I turned my

attention to the puppy and cooed, “Heeeeey,
Bitch!”

Lakeland

Navy was doing a really good job of avoiding me. I
hadn’t laid eyes on her since she first walked in her
mom’s front door. And when I finally caught a
glimpse of her quickly cutting through the living
room to get in the kitchen, Junior was in my face
before I could move from my chair, recruiting me
as his spades partner. I tried to tell him he didn’t
want me for a partner, but he didn’t listen, and
three lost games later, as he sat and glared at me, I

said, “I told you. I was raised in the suburbs. I don’t
know shit about spades or dominoes.”

Junior shook his head as his cousin—Tut, I think

—laughed and talked shit since it was him and his
brother, Tomcat, who’d easily defeated us. These
folks and their names…

“Nigga over here talking ‘bout he from the

suburbs. Shit, we in the suburbs right now!” Junior
muttered.

“Lake is being modest. His folks are rich. If he’s

from the suburbs, then we’re from the slums.” Her
voice made my dick twitch., something it had
always done, to be honest. I had it bad for Navy
DuBois, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

Hopping up from my seat, I turned to see her

standing behind me and locked my eyes with hers.
She’d dumped my ass, broken my entire damn
heart, and despite all of that, all I wanted to do at
that moment was kiss her full lips and pull her into
my arms. I’d missed her, missed her soft body and
the sounds she made when I pleased her. Shit, I
missed her pleasing me. I’d been with a couple of
other women since we split three years earlier, but
not one of them was her. Maybe it was because she
owned my heart.

She opened her mouth, then let her eyes drop to

the floor. “Lake…”

I leaned in close to her ear. “Can you come with

me? Just to talk?”

Lifting her gaze to meet mine, she didn’t speak

for a good minute, and in that short amount of time,
I recognized that the living room had fallen quiet.
No more sounds of a card battle although another
of Navy’s cousins had claimed my seat. The
Christmas music that had been flowing from the
stereo had been muted, and a quick glance around
the room told me that all eyes were on us. When I
gave Navy my full attention again, she nodded, and
I led her out the front door.

Lakeland

We were in my Tahoe, and after I’d started the
engine and turned on the heat, I shifted my body to
face her. “I’ve missed you,” I confessed.

With her eyes on the windshield, she shook her

head. “You shouldn’t.”

“But I do. A lot. I miss you so much that it

physically hurts, Navy.”

She sighed. “Then I’m sorry. Give it some more

time and you’ll forget all about me.”

“How? I’ve loved you since I was seventeen

years old.”

She bit her bottom lip and finally faced me. I

could see tears in her eyes. “I thought I could do
this. I thought I could talk to you, but I can’t.”

“Because it hurts? Because you still love me?”

She blew out a breath and reached for the car

door handle.

“Don’t leave. You owe me this, Navy. You

dropped out of my life like I wasn’t shit to you.

Dumped me and never looked back. You owe me
this.” My fucking voice was loud and shaky, filling
the inside of my truck with pain.

She dropped her hand, and as she looked at me

again, a tear rolled down her cheek.

Navy

“What do you want me to say?” I asked, as I wiped
my face with my hand, my heart breaking more
than it already had even though I was sure that was
impossible. “I told you why we can’t be together.”

“No, what you told me was some bullshit.”

“Me having a mental illness is not bullshit, Lake!

It’s devastating and life-changing! I will never be
normal again! When I broke up with you, I was in a
damn mental ward!”

“So the-fuck what?! You think I’m that weak? Is

that it? You think I don’t love you enough to handle
whatever comes our way?”

“I was trying to free you from-from a burden,

from me becoming a burden to you, because you do
realize that’s what the future holds, don’t you?”

“It doesn’t have to, Navy!”

I wasn’t trying to hear that unlikely, bright-side

shit, so I kept talking. “You’re young and handsome
and smart and successful. I’ll only drag you down.
My life is meds and appointments. I’m always self-
conscious, always afraid, always…careful not to
appear crazy. Always scared I’ll have another damn
episode. I was hearing fucking voices, Lake! And
they were so real. And they were saying some
crazy shit. You know how terrifying that is?”

“It’s a disease, baby, just like any other disease.”

I rolled my eyes. “Okay, Doc.”

“Navy—”

“You wanna marry me? Have kids by me and

risk them being crazy like me and my father?”

“You love your dad, Navy. I’ve never heard you

say anything bad about him.”

“That’s because my mom made sure he took his

meds, and when he decided he didn’t want to take
them anymore, he left her. After all the years she
gave him, he left her. I…I don’t wanna be like
that.”

“Then don’t be, baby.”

His eyes…there was so much pain and love in

them that I was rendered speechless.

“Navy, I want to be here for you. I’m not stupid.

I know it won’t be easy, and I know you’re scared,

but please, please let me help you carry this
burden.”

Shaking my head, I whimpered, “Lake…”

“And yes, I want to marry you. As far as kids?

We can figure that out later. We can adopt if that’d
make you more comfortable, or we don’t have to
have kids at all. I just want you. I want the only
woman I’ve ever loved back. Please.”

In response, all I could do was cry, and when he

wrapped his arms around me, I didn’t resist. “But I
tried to kill you, Lake. I can’t forgive myself for
that!”

Navy

“That wasn’t you, baby. Don’t you know that?
Don’t you know that I know that? You were sick,”
Lakeland stated.

“I was fucking psychotic! I thought you were

poisoning me!”

“But right now, you know I wasn’t. And no

offense, but I wasn’t gonna let your short ass kill
me, Navy. I might be weak for you, but I’m not
weak weak.”

I rolled my eyes and backed out of his arms. “I

had a weapon.”

“You pulled a fork on me, baby. A fork,” he said,

with raised eyebrows.

“A serving fork!”

As we stared at each other, I could see the

twinkle in his eyes. “Don’t make me laugh, Lake.
This is not the time for laughing.”

With a grin, he said, “Okay. Well, consider this:

it’s insulting that after all these years we’ve been
together, all the years we’ve loved each other, you

would shut me out when you needed my support
the most. I backed off, because I could see the truth
of what you were feeling. You were ashamed. You
still are, but you shouldn’t be. There’s no need for
you to be. I’m a damn doctor, Navy. I understand
more than anyone that it’s a disease, one you
inherited. You didn’t do anything to make this
happen.”

“Lake—”

“But yeah, I backed off. I gave you time to settle

all of this in your mind, but I’m back. It’s
Christmas, your favorite holiday, and…and I’m not
leaving here today until you take me back, until
you’re my girl again.”

“Lakeland, I…”

“I love you, Navy.”

All I could do was stare at him.

“You still love me?” he asked.

Dropping my eyes, I softly uttered, “You know I

do, Lake. My love for you is why I pushed you
away, why I’ll continue to push you away.”

“You can push—” He shrugged. “But I ain’t

budging. Not ever again.”

I had opened my mouth to respond when a

knock on the passenger side window made me
jump. Turning my head, I found myself face to face
with Heidi. Lakeland let the window down, and I

asked, “What’s up?”

“Dinner’s ready. Ma told me to come find you,

and I need you to convince her that that damn
puppy don’t need to sit at the table with us.”

I had to smile at her annoyance. “You don’t like

little Bitch? I think she’s adorable.”

“Yeah, she’s cute as hell, but I ain’t breaking

bread with her little furry ass. That’s some pure
Caucasian shit right there.”

Through giggles, I said, “Be right there.”

Before I could exit Lake’s truck and follow

Heidi, he rested a hand on my arm. “Navy—”

“I’ll think about it, Lake,” I offered.

“Will you think about this?” he asked, and then

his mouth was covering mine, and the memory of
how this had always felt kicked in. That, plus the
fact that I hadn’t touched a man since we were
together three years earlier made me grab the collar
of his coat and try to pull him across the center
console. In what felt like milliseconds, my hand
was in his pants, his hand was in mine, and we were
stroking each other, panting, whimpering, and
filling the warm air of the vehicle’s interior cabin
with our natural scents. Then he let his seat back,
yanked his pants down over his ass, and as if it was
the most natural thing in the world to do, I struggled
out of my own pants and climbed onto his lap,
sliding my panties to the side and easing down on

his shaft as he gripped my ass. We both released
tortured moans upon contact. He felt so good that I
forgot we were parked in front of my mother’s
house or that my family was waiting on us. All I
cared about was that Lakeland was inside of me,
how I’d missed this, how right this was, and how
badly I needed it. As he massaged my breast
through my blouse, I threw my head back and
sighed, riding him nice and slow.

“Navy,” he groaned, a frown on his handsome

face as he began to thrust upward.

“Ohhhh,” I hissed, lowering my head to kiss his

lips and neck.

“I missed you so much, baby,” he said, as I

trailed kisses from his neck back to his mouth. “So
much…”

“Uh!” I replied.

Grabbing my hips, he closed his eyes and

moaned my name repeatedly as the sound of him
invading my pussy again and again played around
us.

When it was over, I still straddled him as we

stared at each other, our breathing labored, love
being transmitted between us in the silence.

“Uh…we should go in,” I eventually managed to

say.

He reached up and rested his hand on my cheek.

“Yeah.”

After making a pit stop in the bathroom, we both

walked into the dining room, and on weak legs, I
made my way to the furthest seat I could find from
Lakeland’s.

Lakeland

“Father, we come to you inconspicuously and with
ripened hearts, humbly apprehending your face, our
transitions laid bare before you. We anticipate your
absolute congruence as we concurrently ask that
you reach down and conscious our extrapolated
ways. Lift our circumcisions. Fix our
disembowelments, as they discombobulate our
entrancements, and erase our interments that we
know not what we menstruate! Oh, Lord…give us
this day, our accoutrements as we set forth to do
your inevitable calisthenics! Ah! Oh, Lord… we
pray…we pray that your will be done as it is in the
affirmations of the sun. For we are clandestine to
your will and only your will. In your mighty mighty
name, amen.”

I bit my bottom lip to keep from laughing at

Navy’s late grandmother’s “friend”, Deacon John-
Fred’s, blessing of the food as I raised my head.
Heidi was fighting so hard not to laugh that she was
in tears.

“Uh…thank you so much for saying grace,

Deacon,” Navy’s mom said.

“It was my insubordination, Gina,” Deacon

John-Fred returned, with a proud bow of his head.

Mrs. Gina gave him a smile. “Okay…well, eat

up, everyone!”

“Who?” Aunt Princess shouted.

“She said it’s time to eat, Auntie,” Junior yelled.

“Yeah, I’d like some tea, baby. Now whose boy

are you?”

I’d heard Junior explain to her who he was about

five times, but he did it again without hesitation and
without an attitude.

Navy had made sure to sit far away from me,

and that messed with my head, made me feel like
our conversation in my truck and what followed it
hadn’t made a difference. The logical thing for me
to do would’ve been to leave—to leave her mom’s
house and to leave Navy alone, but love wasn’t
logical. I was a doctor, a surgeon. I had everything
in the world going for me, but it meant nothing
without her.

Absolutely nothing.

The food was good, but then again, Mrs. Gina

could always burn. Being around Navy’s family
never failed to make me smile. They were real,
genuine, nothing like the uptight world my parents
had built for me, a world I wanted nothing to do

with. They’d never approved of Navy, or as they’d
put it, her lack of pedigree. Never mind the fact
that she was brilliant and beautiful. She’d been in
grad school when we split, pursuing a masters’
degree in mathematics, and was breezing through
the coursework. Her smile could brighten a room
more than the Christmas tree full of lights in her
mother’s living room, and I was convinced her
laughter could save the world. She was different
now, subdued, sad, maybe even a little broken, but
she was still Navy. My Navy was still inside of her,
and I loved her. I would always love her, rain or
shine.

Schizophrenia could be managed. It wouldn’t go

away, but it wasn’t necessarily fatal. What couldn’t
be managed was the hole she left in my heart when
she pushed me away. What was fatal was the pain I
carried every second I had to be without her.

Navy

I hugged the last of my cousins and turned to see
that the only stragglers left in my mother’s house
were me and Lakeland. Through a sigh, I said, “It
was good to see you, Lake. It wasn’t easy for me,
but I can’t deny that you’re a sight for sore eyes. I

—we, I don’t want you to be confused because of
what happened in your truck. I still—”

“Navy, be sure to lock up for me when you

leave! I’m headed to bed!” my mom shouted from
somewhere in the house.

“Okay, Ma! Tell Bitch I said goodnight!”

“I will!”

“Your mom is a trip. A dog named Bitch?”

Lakeland asked through a smile.

I shrugged. “Whatever makes her happy.”

“What would make you happy, Navy?”

“Lake, don’t—”

“It’s a simple question, baby.”

I dropped my shoulders and sighed. “What I

want more than anything in this world is for things
to be like they were…before. Us together in our
apartment, me living a happy, normal life.”

“It can be like that if you’ll let it.”

“I can’t not have this disease, Lake. It isn’t

going away.”

“But you can have me—us. You can have us.

You can get back in school, take some online
courses if you want. You can move back in with
me. I got us a house now. And…” He dropped onto
one knee. “You can marry me.”

As I clamped a hand over my open mouth, I

heard my supposed-to-be-in-bed mother shriek,
“Navy Jane, if you say no, I’m whooping your
whole, complete ass!”

Lakeland and I both laughed and then I fixed

tearful eyes on the beautiful ring he held out to me,
shifted my gaze to his handsome face, and couldn’t
find the words to answer him.

“I love you, Navy, have loved you virtually since

I first laid eyes on you back in high school. I can’t
stop loving you. You are embedded in my soul,
baby, and I need you. I want to love and support
you. I want to be there for you, to protect you.”

“Protect me from who? Myself?”

“If I have to, if that’s what it takes. I just want

you, baby. All I want is you, no matter what that
means, no matter how hard things might get.”

With tears flooding my face, I admitted, “I love

you, too.”

He stared at me, pleading with his eyes.

“Yes,” I whispered. “I’ll marry you.”

“Oh, thank God!” That was Ma, who was now

standing directly behind me. So I first hugged her,
then Lakeland.

“Thank you, Navy,” he said, gently kissing my

lips.

“Thank you, Lake. Thank you so much.”

Just then, my mother’s tiny puppy ran into the

living room, yapping all the way. While folded in
Lakeland’s arms, I heard her sing, “There’s my
little Bitch!”

A southern girl at heart, Alexandria House has an
affinity for a good banana pudding, Neo Soul
music, and tall black men in suits. When this
fashionista is not shopping, she’s writing steamy
stories about real black love.

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