Seventeen

by

ooohlalaaa

Chapter 1

Chapter Word Count: 10145

When Love Was New Contest

Title of Entry: Seventeen

Your pen name: Ooohlalaaa

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September 1994

All the girls tell me that I’m the luckiest girl in the whole school cause I live across the street
from the Cullen brothers. My best friends Alice and Rose come over after school all the time and
my dad lets us sit on the sidewalk and watch them play soccer in their front yard as long as we
hold hands and look both ways before we cross the street.

Rose likes Emmett Cullen cause he’s tall and Alice likes Jasper Cullen cause he has blonde hair
but I just think they like them cause they’re older than us. They’re nine.

There’s another Cullen brother- Edward. He’s eight like us, but I don’t like him. I like Emmett
Cullen, too. Me and Rose fight over him and she says I have to like Edward cause he’s in my
class and she liked Emmett first even though it isn’t true cause he’s my neighbor and I knew him
before she did.

I don’t even like watching them play soccer. I always just bring my Polly Pockets and play with
them instead. The boys get sweaty and take their shirts off and Alice and Rose like when they do
that but I think it’s gross.

“Bella, my mommy says you can’t sit like that,” Rose whispers to me. I have my legs stretched
out in front of me cause I’m bored and the sidewalk hurts to sit on. “You’re wearing a skirt.
What if Edward sees your underwear?”

“Daddy says boys shouldn’t be looking up my dress,” I tell her, and then I cross my ankles
because that’s what Esme Cullen tells me to do. She’s their mom, and she’s pretty and her hair is
the same color as Edward’s except it’s shiny. She brings me chocolate chip pancakes some

mornings and she takes me with her when she goes to the grocery store and she buys me dresses
and sometimes, she waits for me at the bus stop when my dad’s not there cause he has to stay at
work.

Alice says she only does it cause she feels bad for me cause I don’t have a mom, since my mom
lives in heaven, but I think that Alice is just jealous cause Esme is better than her mom.

Emmett kicks the ball too hard cause he always kicks the ball really hard when we’re watching
and it rolls onto the sidewalk and I watch it go into the street cause I don’t care about their stupid
ball. Edward looks both ways and then he runs after it and he throws it back onto the lawn when
he gets it cause he can throw really far.

“Hey, Bella,” he says, when he walks by me. Alice and Rose stop watching the other boys and
they stare at us. My dad always says that it’s rude to stare.

“Go away, Ed-werrrrd,” Alice says to him, cause Edward is kind of a stupid name so we make
fun of it. He kicks a bunch of rocks and some dirt at her with his spiky soccer shoes.

Edward never talks to Alice or Rose. He only ever talks to me. “Emmett says that you and Alice
and Rose are lesbians,” he says.

I don’t know what a lesbian is so I just say, “Okay.”

“Are you?” he asks. I look at Alice but I could tell she doesn’t know what one of them is either.

“I dunno? What are they?”

“Emmett says it’s girls that hold hands,” Edward tells me. We hold hands when we cross the
street cause that’s my dad’s rule, so I say to him that yes, we are les-bians, and Edward runs
away to tell Emmett. Him and Jasper start laughing and looking at us and I don’t think it’s funny
so I stand up.

“I’m going home,” I tell them. “I hate soccer.”

I bend down and grab my Polly Pockets and I don’t care if Edward can see my underwear cause
he’s stupid and he has ugly hair and I don’t care what he thinks about me. I like Emmett more.

June 1996

I’m sitting on the steps of my front porch when I see Edward and Emmett running across the
street. It’s dark outside and my face hurts from crying so much. Esme is standing in the door
watching them and she waves at me.

“Hey,” Emmett says, and they have on their pajamas so I know they must’ve been about to go to
bed. I don’t want to see them really, because I don’t want to talk to anybody because it just
makes me cry. I play with the ruffle on the bottom of my nightgown and I look at my toes. Esme
painted them pink for me when I was at their house and Daddy was burying Biscuit. “We’re
sorry about Biscuit, Bella. He was a good dog.”

“I don’t want to talk about Biscuit,” I tell him in a mean voice.

Emmett is only nice to me when I cry so I don‘t really like him anymore, and Edward is always
kind of nice to me but sometimes it’s annoying and sometimes he’s mean to me too, when his
brothers are there, and he always stares at me and I don’t want to see him either.

He just reminds me of Biscuit because when my dad brought him home I was playing with him
in the front yard and Edward saw and came over and whenever we held up a biscuit, Biscuit
would roll over on his back so Edward said that was what we should name him. And Edward is
the one who taught Biscuit how to play fetch in the first place, and I threw his ball in the road by
mistake and that was when the car hit him.

Edward walks over and I make a face at his pajamas because they’re Power Rangers, and he
likes the red ranger. I tell him all the time that the red ranger is stupid and he should like the
black one, but he never listens to me. He used to make me practice Power Ranger moves with
him after school but one day he kicked me when I was holding the couch pillow and I fell and hit
my mouth on the table and two of my teeth fell out. It was bloody. It was okay though, because
they were just baby teeth, but Esme said we couldn’t play Power Rangers anymore after that.

Edward sits down next to me on the steps and there’s a piece of wet grass stuck in between his
toes. He smells like powder because Esme puts it on him when he gets out of the bath and it
itches my nose. He sticks his hand out and there’s a cupcake in it with chocolate icing and
rainbow sprinkles and those are my favorite kind of cupcakes.

“Me and my mom made these for you. They’re chocolate, like you like. I brought you two.”

I lick the sprinkles off first because they’re my favorite and there’s lots of pink ones and then I
take the other cupcake in his hand and I lick the sprinkles off that one too.

“You can eat that one,” I tell him, and he scrunches his nose at me.

“Eww. No. You licked it.”

“I’ll eat it,” Emmett says, and he takes it out of Edward’s hand. Esme says he’ll eat anything that
isn’t made out of glass. He sits down on my walkway and we eat our cupcakes and we don’t talk.
Edward makes really good cupcakes. I bet Esme made them and he just said he did because he
feels bad that he taught Biscuit fetch and made him die.

I don’t want him to feel bad like I do though, so I say thank you for the cupcakes because Daddy
says to always say thank you and I tell him how good mine was.

“Hey, Bella?” Edward asks me.

“Huh?”

“I’m real sorry I taught Biscuit fetch.”

“It’s okay.”

“Don’t be sad.”

Edward is stupid. Because I don’t want to be sad, but I am because I don’t have any brothers or
sisters and my Daddy works a lot and Biscuit was my friend. He was always there to play with
and he slept on my feet at night. So I ignore him.

“I think your mom is probably playing with Biscuit in heaven,” he tells me.

And then I smile at him because that makes me feel a little bit better.

April 1998

“Bella, why do you think they don’t let girls up there?” Alice asks me as we stare up at the
Cullen’s tree house.

They don’t let girls up there because they’re jerks, and I don’t know why Alice or Rose would
even want to climb up there because they hate getting dirty and Edward always has black stuff
under his nails after he climbs down from the tree.

“I don’t know,” I tell Alice. All she ever wants to do anymore is follow Jasper everywhere and
Rose just always follows Emmett.

I tap my hand on the tree and I wonder what they do up there. There’s a huge sign that says
“Boys Only- Girls, Keep Out” and I can hear them laughing and yelling and it makes me mad.

I grab a handful of rocks and I start chucking them inside the door of the tree house. I hope that
one hits Edward in the face.

Jasper walks out onto the porch of the tree house and he looks down at me.

“What do you want, Bella?”

“Alice and Rose want to know if you’re playing soccer today,” I tell him.

“Bella!” they both say at the same time, and Rose slaps my arm.

“No. We’re not playing today, go away,” Jasper says.

I cross my arms and give him a nasty look and I don’t go away.

“Let us in your tree house, Jasper,” I say. He laughs at me.

“No. Can’t you read?”

He points at the “Girls, Keep Out” sign.

“I don’t care about your stupid sign, let us up!” I start climbing up the ladder but Jasper has a
huge stick and he takes it and starts poking my head and won’t let me go up any higher.

“Screw you, Jasper!” I yell, and Alice gasps because we’re not allowed to say “screw” like that.

Edward hears me yell and he walks out of the tree house and looks down.

“Edward Cullen, you let me in your tree house now, or I’m telling Esme!”

He frowns at me a little and he shrugs like it doesn't matter. “You can come up. I don’t care,” he
says. I was right. “Not them, though. Just you.”

I turn around and Alice and Rose look really upset and I can’t leave them so I just shake my
head.

“No, it’s okay. Thanks, anyway Edward. Maybe later.”

He just waves and goes back in the tree house.

October 1999

The TV downstairs wakes me up and gets me mad. It’s Saturday, and my dad always works
Saturdays, so he must’ve forgotten to shut it off before he left.

I yawn as I walk down the steps and that makes my eyes start to water, so I rub them and when I
do that I accidentally bang my knee on the doorframe. I groan and hop up and down on my good
leg a couple of times, and then I hear someone sigh.

“Can you shut up? I can’t hear the TV.”

Edward is sitting on my sofa in his stupid plaid pajamas and his slippers. He turns the volume up
on the TV and I stare at him, wondering what the h-e-l-l he’s doing in my house.

“Why are you here?” I ask him.

“Emmett and Jasper won’t let me watch what I want to. Charlie was at my house this morning
talking to my mom and he said I could come here and use your TV.”

“Well, I want to use my TV so go away,” I tell him. I don’t want to watch his boring boy shows
and I don’t really want him in my house, either. Especially not when I’m wearing pajamas and
my hair isn’t brushed.

Edward looks up at me and pats the sofa next to him. “Let me see your knee,” he says.

He thinks cause his dad is a doctor that he knows what he’s talking about all the time, but he
doesn’t. He always looks at my cuts and stuff. I guess I kind of hurt myself a lot. Esme put a box
of Band-Aids in Edward’s book bag so that if I got hurt at school he could just give me one
instead of me having to go to the nurse all the time.

I roll my eyes and sit down and I put my leg on his lap. He doesn’t look at me, he just pulls up
my pajama pants and pokes my knee.

“Well, you’re not bleeding for once,” he says, and I feel his fingers touching my leg and they’re
warm and it feels nice on my knee. Rosalie shaves her legs and they’re soft, and so I asked Esme
to teach me how and she did. Since Edward is taking up half the sofa, I throw my other leg up on
his lap and I lay down. He still keeps his hand on my knee. “Can’t you sit in Charlie’s chair?” he
asks me, and he’s grumpy because Edward is always grumpy in the morning.

His hair is sticking up weird on one side, and he’s squinting because he squints when he’s trying
to pay attention to the TV. I laugh at him, because his hair looks stupid. All the girls in school
talk about Edward’s hair. I don’t know why because it’s nothing special to me.

When I laugh, my leg shakes up and down on his lap and all of a sudden… I feel something.
Something hard, poking the back of my leg, on Edward’s-

“Eww!” I say out loud, even though I didn’t mean to. Edward turns red, really red, and he shoves
my legs off of him and he runs out of the door without saying bye and I run to the bathroom to
take a shower.

March 2000

I tell Charlie I that I’m dying and he needs to call 9-1-1 or take me to the hospital because
something awful happened when I was in the bathroom. He turns really red and chokes a little
and calls Esme and sends me across the street.

After Esme tells me what’s was the matter with me, and that I’m not dying, I start crying. Not
because I’m scared or anything, but because… I feel stupid. I don’t have a mom, and even
though Charlie tries really hard and is a good dad, I don’t know girl stuff that I’m supposed to.
Alice hasn’t gotten her you-know-what yet because if so, I know she would tell me because she

tells me everything, and Rosalie doesn’t like to talk about things that are gross because her mom
tells her it’s not proper.

Esme takes me to the supermarket and then she takes me to get ice cream and she tells me that
her mom died when she was little too, but she didn’t have anyone to take care of her. I think
that’s why she’s so nice to me all the time and always buys me stuff.

We go back to her house and Edward is in the kitchen kicking a soccer ball against the wall, even
though he’s only supposed to play soccer outside.

Edward keeps getting taller and taller and now I kind of like watching him play soccer. It’s
alright, I guess. Sometimes, if it’s not too cold out, I’ll come outside and I’ll sit on his front steps
and watch him kick the ball around, even if Alice and Rose aren’t there. It’s actually fun
watching him play alone because he does tricks for me and sometimes he kicks me the ball or
he’ll be the goalie and he’ll let me try to score. I’ve never scored once, but it’s cool to try.

“Edward, what did I tell you about playing ball in the house?” Esme asks as she puts away the
groceries. Edward groans and grabs my box of… stuff. He’s nosy and I get embarrassed and
want to die.

“What’s this?”

“Don’t touch,” Esme says. She pulls the box out of his hand and picks up his ball and throws it
down the hallway. Edward never listens. Esme says that he gives her heartburn. I think he’s still
her favorite, though.

He laughs and pokes my shoulder and I’m pretending to play with an apple so I don’t have to
look at him.

“I know what they are, I was just kidding. Are they yours, Bella?”

“Edward!” Esme raises her voice this time, and she never raises her voice unless it‘s to yell at
Edward. “Be quiet and mind your business or leave this kitchen.”

He’s still smiling at me. “Now you can get pregnant,” he says, just to tease me. “You better be
careful.”

Esme grabs him by the back of his neck and leads him to the front door, where she pushes him
outside and tells him not to come back in until dinner is ready.

September 2000

Today’s my 14th birthday.

My dad asked me last week if I wanted to have a party. I said no, because I was too old, but now
I almost wish I’d said yes. Because when you don’t have a party, you don’t get any presents or
cake. Dad got me a big cookie with icing balloons on it, but that was all. It was okay, because it’s
only me and him so the cake would just go bad, anyway.

My birthday always makes me sad because in our living room, there’s a picture of me and my
mom on one of my birthdays when I was little, and she‘s laughing and holding me in her lap in
front of a big, pink cake with candles lit. So, even though I try hard not to think about my mom, I
always end up doing it on my birthday.

When I get to school, I see that Alice and Rose decorated my locker. The whole thing is covered
in silver glitter paper and there’s pink balloons and ribbons tied to it. I laugh, because they
always do nice stuff for me when it’s my birthday.

I’m sitting in front of Edward in English class when he taps my shoulder and hands me a folded
up piece of paper.

What are you doing tonight?

It’s a Friday, and even though it’s my birthday, I don’t have plans. Alice is sleeping at her
grandma’s tonight and Rose is having Emmett over to watch a movie, so we’re having a slumber
party tomorrow night instead.

Nothing.

I crumple up the paper because I can’t fold it up neat like he does and I toss it over my shoulder.
Edward does everything perfect and sometimes it’s annoying. He’s the captain of the JV soccer
team even though he’s just a freshman and he has perfect handwriting and he’s tall and really
good at playing piano and has pretty eyes and he’s really, really smart. His shirts are always
ironed and his hair always looks good and his older twin brothers are cool and every girl likes
him.

No girls get jealous that he talks to me though, because I’m just Bella Swan, Edward’s neighbor,
and that’s why he talks to me- he wouldn’t ever like me. And it doesn’t really matter because I
wouldn’t ever like him, either. That would be gross. He’s like my brother. I mean… I like him.
But I don’t like him, like him.

Edward pulls my hair to get my attention and hands me back the note.

Let’s go to the movies later. I’ll pay, since it’s your birthday.

I don’t know how Edward got money, but I don’t really care. To me, this sort of seems like a
date and I’ve never been on a date before. I figure it’s good practice to go on a date with Edward,
because I won’t be nervous around him or anything like that. Then, when I got on a real date, I’ll
know what to do.

Okay.

I don’t tell Rose or Alice about going out with Edward because I know they’ll make a big deal
out of it and it’s not a big deal. My dad brought me and Alice to the mall for my birthday,
because Esme had to take Jasper to the doctor and she couldn’t take me. Anyway, he bought me
a bunch of new clothes and I put on new jeans and a shirt that has ruffles that Alice made me get
and I put mascara and lip gloss on. Dad doesn’t like it when I wear make up, so I never really do,
but today is my birthday so I do it anyway.

Edward knocks on the door and walks in because he always just walks right in, and his eyes get
big when he sees me.

“You look so… nice,” he says.

He looks nice, too. He has on new school clothes that I’ve never seen him wear, and his jeans
look crunchy and he has a shirt on that has green stripes that match his eyes and he looks like he
put gel or something in his hair.

I smile and just say, “Thanks,” and then we’re quiet and just looking at each other and I feel
weird. So, I scream and tell my dad that I’m leaving and I shove Edward when I walk by him.

Esme is waiting outside in the driveway to bring us to the movies. Emmett sits in the front
because he’s also getting dropped off at Rosalie’s house and he and Edward fight about the radio
the whole time. Esme just shakes her head and rubs her eyes. She looks tired. It’s probably
because Edward is a pain in the ass and he always has to get his way. He doesn’t shut up until he
gets what he wants.

When we get to the movies, Edward pulls out his wallet and there’s a lot of money in it. I don’t
even have a wallet because I never have money, so I ask him how he has so much.

“I save my allowance,” he says. Esme and Carlisle give the boys chores; they have to cut the
grass and take out the garbage and do the dishes after dinner. Emmett and Jasper are lazy and
they never do them but Edward does- I guess because he likes having money. I never knew they
got paid to do the chores, I just thought they had to, like me.

We buy tickets to a PG-13 movie, but Edward makes me sneak into some creepy R-rated one.
It’s really gory and disgusting, and I hide my face in his jacket whenever someone gets killed
with a chainsaw and then he laughs at me and calls me a wuss. He smells really good, like he’s
wearing cologne. He never wears cologne. He probably stole it from Jasper.

After the movie, we’re walking out to get picked up and I’m telling Edward a story about how
Rose yelled at Mike Newton for staring at me, and I accidentally rub my hand against his. But,
when I do that, he grabs my fingers and he holds them and… I just let him because I guess it was
kind of a date and that’s what you do on dates. Anyway, he lets go before Esme sees us.

When we get back to Edward’s house, he tells me to wait outside for a second and that he’s
going to walk me home. I don’t know why because it takes me like five seconds to walk home,
but I wait anyway.

I’m standing on his front steps when I hear him open the door, and I turn around and…

Edward.

He has a big, giant cupcake in his hand, with a pink candle in the middle. I can see that it’s
chocolate, and there’s rainbow sprinkles on it, which makes me laugh. It’s my favorite, and he
knows it because I make cupcakes sometimes with Esme after school when I’m bored.

“Happy Birthday,” he says. “Make a wish.”

So, I do.

I blow the candle out, and I take it out of the cupcake and lick the icing off. Edward and I share it
on the walk back to my house, and when we get there we’re still not finished so we sit on my
porch swing until it’s done.

“You should go in before Charlie worries,” he tells me. I nod and I go to stand up, but he grabs
my wrist. “Oh, wait-” He reaches into his pocket. “I got you something.”

He pulls a little box out of his jacket pocket and it’s wrapped in silver paper and has pink ribbon
on it. Just like what was on my locker.

“Did Alice and Rose wrap this for you?”

He laughs and nods his head. “Just open it.”

I remind myself to yell at Alice and Rose because they planned this whole thing with Edward
and didn’t tell me.

When I open the box, I’m shocked. It’s a really pretty, simple gold necklace with a little B
hanging from it. I love it. I almost want to cry, but I don’t because that’s lame and Edward would
probably make fun of me.

“I love it!” I tell him. “Put it on me.”

He moves my hair to one side, in front of my shoulder, and I feel his fingers and the sleeve of his
jacket touching the back of my neck. After he puts it on me, he sighs, and his breath makes me
shiver, and he moves my hair back.

“Okay,” he says. “Goodnight.”

His face is really close to mine, and he just stares at me, and he doesn’t stand up, and I think he
wants to kiss me but I’m nervous like it’s an actual date, and he smells so good so… what the
hell?

I lean forward and I push my lips against his and they’re soft, and minty and warm. He puts his
hand on my cheek and he pulls away and then kisses me again, two times, and I just want him to
keep kissing me more and more because it doesn’t feel like the Edward that I know, but all of a
sudden my porch light goes on and he jumps up. My dad opens the door, and he looks at us
suspiciously like he knew we were kissing. I really, really hope my dad didn’t see me kissing
Edward because… that would be embarrassing.

“How was the movie?” he asks.

“Good,” Edward tells him. “I’ll see you later, Bella. Goodnight, Charlie.”

He waves and walks down the stairs and I don’t want him to go.

“Thank you, Edward!” I shout behind him. “For the movie, and the cupcake and… the present.”

He doesn’t look back, just holds up his hand and waves over his shoulder. I watch him until he
walks into his front door, and then my dad tells me to come inside.

July 2001

I’m almost asleep when I hear a light sound against my window. It sounds like a tree branch, but
I know that Emmett and Jasper trim the lower branches of the tree outside the window in the
summertime for my dad, so that can’t be it. I climb out of bed and pull my curtains to the side,
and I see Edward’s head peeking into my window.

“What are you doing?” I ask as I slide the window up. I hide behind the curtain because it’s hot
and all I have on are underwear and a tank top. At first, I was going to yell at him for making me
get out of bed, but then I see his face and it looks like something’s wrong.

“Let me in,” he says, and he jumps and grunts and hauls himself through my window. Since
we’ve gotten older, Dad says Edward isn’t allowed in my room anymore. Well, not just Edward,
Emmett and Jasper, too. No boys are allowed in my room.

“Are you okay?” I ask. Because he looks tired, and his eyes are red, and I hate him looking that
way.

Edward yawns and he sits down at the end of my bed. “Did I wake you up?”

I shake my head and I climb back into bed quickly so that he can‘t see my underwear, and I leave
the blankets folded over on the other side so that he can lay down too, if he wants.

He doesn’t. So, I pat the bed and I tell him to lay down because I want him to.

He gets underneath the blankets and he turns on his side so that we’re face to face. He starts
whispering, and he smells like Listerine and toothpaste and soap.

“My parents are fighting a lot,” he says. “They fight at night, when I‘m in bed. Emmett and
Jasper don’t hear, but I can because my room’s right next to theirs… you know?”

I nod and I feel his arm rub against mine. It sort of makes me sad to see him, because since
we’ve been in high school he’s been busy with soccer and hanging out with girls and his new
friends, and he’s never really home anymore. I used to spend every day in the summer with
Edward, eating ice pops on his front lawn in my bathing suit and playing down by the creek and
reading books with him in his tree house.

So, yeah, I’m happy he’s here. But I kind of miss him, too.

“So… what do they fight about?” I ask.

“I don’t know, really,” he says. His fingertips brush against the top of my leg, really softly, and it
gives me goosebumps. “I just hear my mom yelling and she cries sometimes. And my mom
never yells- well, except when she’s yelling at me for not listening, but this is different… I just
couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to hear them fighting anymore. I don’t want to talk about it.”

It makes me angry to think about Esme crying. She’s always been good to me, since I was little,
and even though I don’t have a mother anymore, she’s always there so it almost feels like I do
have a mom. It scares me a little bit too, because my family is messed up and broken, and to me
the Cullens have always been so perfect. It felt weird.

“Sorry,” I tell him. “You can come here and sleep with me whenever you want.”

“Thanks, Bella.”

“Uh huh.”

I yawn and close my eyes, because it’s late and I’m sleepy, and all of a sudden I feel Edward’s
hand touch the side of my neck.

“Hey, Bella? Is it true… about Mike Newton?”

My eyes shoot open and I scrunch my nose a little, because I don’t like talking to Edward about
other guys.

“What?”

“He told everyone you guys… did stuff. At Lauren’s party on the Fourth of July, he said… he
said he touched you.”

I roll my eyes and shake my head. “No, Edward. It’s not true. I kissed him, that’s all.”

“Oh.” He looks down and shrugs. “I didn’t believe it anyway. Wait, did you… did you kiss, kiss
him, or just… like you did with me?”

He says the second part quietly, and I remember my birthday, and I want to kiss Edward again,
but I don’t.

“No. Just like you.”

“Oh.”

He’s quiet again.

“Alice told me that she heard Tanya talking in the bathroom on the last day of school and she
told Kate that you made out and touched her boob.”

That makes Edward laugh a little bit. “That’s not true. I’ve never touched a boob before. Except
once, Rosalie was over hanging out with Emmett and I went around the corner into the kitchen
and slammed into her and her boobs pressed against my chest. But… I don’t think that counts.”

“It doesn’t count,” I say with a sigh. I try to remember to call Rosalie in the morning to tell her to
keep her boobs to herself. “So… you didn’t kiss her, kiss her?”

Edward shakes his head. I can’t believe it, because he turned 15 last month and he’s never made
out with a girl. And every girl wants to.

Before I know what’s happening, he leans forward and kisses me. He’s really gentle at first, and
he’s just kind of kissing me softly, and then I feel his mouth open up a tiny bit. I don’t want to
just shove my tongue in his mouth, I want to do it pretty like they do in the movies, so I just stick
my tongue out a little bit so I can see what his lips taste like. He closes them around my tongue
and sucks on the tip of it a little bit, and then he pushes his mouth closer to mine and I feel his
tongue too. And he tastes like toothpaste, just like he smells, but I love it, so I keep pushing my
tongue into his, over and over and over.

I feel his hand that was touching my leg move up to my stomach, and then it just keeps moving
up more and more, and he stops right underneath my boobs. I don’t know if he’s scared or if he’s
just waiting for me to tell him it’s okay, but I put my hand on top of his and I move it up. And
then I let go, and he kind of… squeezes it a little, and it’s weird, but I like him touching me. I
want him to touch me more.

“What do you think?” I ask.

“Squishy.”

I laugh at him and he kind of presses down on a spot that makes me tingle. “They’re really small.
Rosalie’s are huge and-”

“They’re not small. They’re perfect. And soft.” He pulls my shirt up a little bit and raises one of
his eyebrows at me, and I'm nervous but... I want him to see me. "Can I look at them?"

"Umm... sure," I tell him, shrugging a little. He lifts my shirt really really slowly, and he pulls
the blanket down to the top of my legs. I watch the top of his head as he kisses right above my
bellybutton, and then I put my fingers in his hair as he pulls my shirt over my head. His eyes get
big and green, and he blinks a couple times and... all of a sudden I'm not hot anymore. I shiver
and try to cross my arms over my chest but he stops me and smiles.

"Bella. You're perfect."

Then, I feel his mouth right in the middle of my chest and it's warm and wet and his lips are soft
and feel like silk when they rub against my skin. I feel his... whatever through his pajama pants
because it's pressing against my leg but now it's not gross. Now, I kind of like it. So, I reach
down and I brush my hand over it and Edward breathes really quick through his mouth.

He pushes his lips to mine again, but I’m tired, and I yawn by accident while I’m still kissing
him, and he starts laughing and lays down on his back.

“Go to sleep,” he tells me.

I know that this is just the beginning, and we have all the time in the world, so I do.

February 2002

I’m sitting at the table with Rosalie and Alice during lunch, selling roses for Valentine’s Day.
You pay $3, and then you fill out a card and put it in a box, and last period the roses get handed
out to whoever you bought one for. You don’t have to say who it’s from or anything, and I’m
pretty sure that some people, like Lauren Mallory, buy them for themselves so that they can feel
cool. The money goes to the class trip at the end of the year, and the more money we raise with
these fundraisers, the better the trip can be.

I’m not really in the mood for Valentine’s Day, so I’m grouchy and not very enthusiastic. Guys
suck. And by guys, I mean Edward Cullen.

Edward thinks he’s so fucking cool. He never really talks to me anymore in school, and he’s
always hanging out with that slutty Tanya, and I wouldn’t be mad that he hung out with other
girls, except for one thing.

He climbs into my window all the time. And he sleeps in my bed, and he tells me about his
parents fighting with each other, and ever since Christmas Eve he… does stuff to me, with his

hands. He touches me and moans in my ear and he makes my body do crazy things that I never
knew it could do. And I do stuff to him with my hands and sometimes we just make out and he
kind of… rubs himself on me, over our clothes- and yeah, I mean, maybe it’s not a big deal,
because there’s a bunch of girls who go around giving BJ’s and actually doing it, but… I thought
that I was different to him.

Until recently, that is, when Rosalie informed me that if he keeps coming to my room, and keeps
hanging out with Tanya at school and ignoring me, that he’s just using me. And he keeps coming
to my room. And ignoring me.

I don’t say anything to Edward about me liking him because it’s just… weird. Me and Edward.
The kid that used to throw worms at my face and pee with the door open when I was at his
house. Yeah, we’re older now, but he’s still him. I didn’t want him being with anyone else.

Rose and Alice leave to go buy lunch, and I stay at the booth. I sit there and sip on my cherry
Coke and try not to yack at the note Ben is writing his girlfriend Angela.

“What do you think, Bella?” he asks, sliding the paper across the table.

It’s some Shakespeare crap that’s overused.

“It’s great,” I mumble, grabbing it carelessly and wrinkling it as I shove it into the box. “Three
dollars, please.”

He gives me the money and the stink eye and walks away.

All of a sudden, Edward and what’s-her-whorey-name come rounding the corner and he’s
laughing at something, and he meets my eyes and stops. He strolls up to the table, and she stands
next to him, and he bites his bottom lip and points at the cafeteria doors.

“I’ll be in in a minute,” he says, and she tells him she’ll save him a seat. Pshh. Like she needs to.
Anyone would gladly give up their seat for Edward-Mr. Cool-Cullen.

Edward slides $10 over to me, so I hand him three note cards and a dollar just to be a snob. I
know he has a lot of money, so he can afford to support the Sophomore class trip. He smirks and
starts scribbling stuff down on one of them, and he sees me staring so he puts his arm up to block
me.

“Please mind your business,” he says, and I roll my eyes.

“It doesn’t matter,” I tell him. “I could just open the box and see what you wrote, anyway.”

“Yeah, you could. But I know you and you wouldn’t do that.”

He tosses the pen in my direction and it bounces across the table. Then, he shoves the three cards
into the box and he waves at me.

“See you in Bio.”

Bio is the only class I have with Edward, and the only time he really talks to me in school
because he doesn‘t have a choice. We’re lab partners, and only because we decided to be before
we started touching each other’s privates.

I’m tempted to open the box and read his cards to see which girls he picked to give the roses to,
but his words stay in my mind and I feel guilty. I figure I’m better off not knowing and crying
myself to sleep about it anyway.

Biology is the last class of the day, and by the time I get there, I’m sick of red and pink and
balloons and flowers and I feel like I’m going to vomit because I kept eating Alice’s chocolate
that Jasper gave her when we were in English. I sit down next to Edward, and he’s picking at
some string hanging off the bottom of his shirt, and he doesn’t even look up at me.

He needs a haircut. I can tell because his head is tilted down, and his hair on the back of his neck
is curling a little, and in the front it’s falling into his eyes.

Eric comes in to start handing out the roses and I huff and cross my arms over my chest. Edward
looks at me and he laughs once and shakes his head, and goes back to picking at his shirt.

And then, the weirdest thing happens. Eric comes up to my desk and drops three roses on it.

I don’t even need to look at the cards. I know they’re all from Edward.

He gave me all three of the roses.

“Who are they from?” he asks, and he laughs and I kind of shove his shoulder. “Read the card.”

Two of the cards just have my name and an E on them, I guess so that I knew they were from
him, and the other one has a little note.

For my best friend and favorite girl in the world.

I hold my hand up to my mouth, and I want to cry, but I don’t. Instead, I reach under the table
and I grab Edward’s hand and I squeeze it. I don’t know why he’s been acting the way he has to
me, but I don’t really care. Because that note said everything I needed to hear from him.

May 2003

I wake up early on Saturday morning when I hear a bunch of guys voices in my house. When I
walk downstairs, Emmett and Edward are sitting on my sofa, and Jasper is sitting in my dad’s
chair. Dad is standing in the middle of the room, scratching his stubble on his chin and wearing
his uniform. He’s supposed to have left for work already, so I know something is wrong.

The boys are all wearing their pajamas, and they look tired and upset. None of them even look in
my direction when I walk into the room.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, instantly panicking.

“Nothing, Bella. Why don’t you start making breakfast for everyone? I’ll be in there in a minute
to help you,” my dad says.

I look at Edward, and he looks like he’s going to cry. He swallows heavily and raises an eyebrow
at me. I ignore my dad.

“Edward, what’s the matter?”

“My dad’s leaving,” he says quietly.

I don’t really know what’s going on with Edward anymore. He’s with Tanya a lot. He stopped
coming in my window last summer, and we don’t have classes together this year. The only time I
ever really talk to him is when we run into each other outside. For his birthday, Esme and
Carlisle got him a really nice, silver Volvo, and I barely every see it in the driveway because I
don’t think he likes being home anymore.

I don’t get angry at him, because I know that he’s having trouble dealing with everything. He
was afraid that his dad was going to leave, and I understand why. I know what it’s like to only
have one parent who’s sad all the time.

I run to the front door and I see Esme running behind Carlisle, and she’s yelling and he’s
throwing suitcases in the trunk of his Mercedes.

I stand there and watch for a minute, until Carlisle drives off, and I cry a little for Esme. Then, I
realize I have to be strong for Edward, so I go into the kitchen and start making chocolate chip
pancakes, like Esme used to always make for us.

My dad leaves to go check on her, and instead of making the boys come to the kitchen, I just
bring them their food. Emmett and Jasper say thank you, but they’re both kind of in a daze.
Before I can bring Edward his plate, he joins me in the kitchen and sits down at the table.

“I’m sorry, Edward,” I say, and I place his plate in front of him. I grab my own and I sit down
next to him, and he stares down at the plate but doesn’t move. I put my hand on his, and I
squeeze, and then I pull it up to my mouth and kiss his palm.

“My dad was cheating on my mom,” Edward confesses. It’s the first time that he tells me what
the cause of the fighting actually was.

“That’s awful,” I whisper. It almost makes me lose my appetite. I drop my fork and I sigh and
shake my head. “Poor Esme.”

“I know I’ve been… a dick to you,” he starts. He pushes his hair back and shoves another forkful
of pancakes into his mouth and swallows before he keeps talking. “It’s just… my dad was seeing
Tanya’s mom. I talk to her at school because we both know where the other one is coming from
and I feel bad always bogging you down with my problems… you know? I used to talk your ear
off all night about stuff and I figured that during the day you didn’t want to hear about it too. I
didn’t want you to hate me for being in such a bad mood all the time when I was around you.
And I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea about us… doing stuff. Like that I was just using
you to make myself feel better.”

“It’s okay,” I tell him. “I won’t ever hate you. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. You can talk to me
about whatever you want, whenever you want.”

My dad comes back and says that they should all just stay at our house for a little while and give
Esme some space. After breakfast, he leaves for work and Edward and I do the dishes. We all
watch TV for a little while, and when it’s almost the middle of the afternoon, Emmett stands up
and claps his hands twice.

“Come on, guys. We should go check on Mom,” he says. Jasper leads the way out and Edward
takes a deep breath and follows behind him. Emmett puts his hand on his shoulder and says
something into his ear as they walk out, and I watch them leave.

I know that none of the boys know how to cook, so I pack a bag so that I can make lasagna and
later that night, I go over there. I make Esme tea and sit on the couch and hug her and let her cry,
and I don’t talk, I just lean my head on her shoulder.

Edward went outside and was playing soccer, and Esme finally stopped crying, so I go see how
he is. When I walk outside, he kicks me the ball and I catch it with the tip of my shoe like he’d
taught me to do.

“So…” I kick the ball back to him and he throws it up in the air and hits it with his knee. “Do
you want to help me make dinner? I’m making enough for two days so Esme can relax
tomorrow…”

“Sure,” he says unenthusiastically. He lets the ball roll down the front yard and across the street,
and it stops in the middle of my yard. He just waves his hand at it, because he doesn’t need to go
and get it; he knows it’s safe there and it’ll be there when he wants to use it again.

We set everything up quietly, not saying anything to each other except when I ask him to turn the
oven on or hand me an ingredient. I make Esme another cup of tea and tell Edward to bring it to
her, and he stays in the living room for a little while. When he comes back, his eyes are red and
so are his cheeks, and my heart hurts.

Edward never cries.

I’ve seen him cry three times in my life, and all three were for pretty justifiable reasons.

One of the times was when we were seven, and he hit a pothole and flipped over the handlebars
of his bike. He had to get stitches on his forehead and he broke his collarbone. I can still see a
part of his scar if I look really closely, over his eyebrow.

Another time he cried was when we were nine, and his soccer team lost the state championship
game by one goal, and he thought it was his fault because he had twisted his ankle earlier in the
season and couldn’t run as fast as he usually could.

The third time I saw him cry was when we were twelve and his grandpa died. I remember him
and Emmett sitting in their suits, Edward swinging his legs back and forth outside of the funeral
home with his head tilted down toward the floor and his shoulders shaking.

This is number four.

He walks over to the oven and pulls it open a little bit to check the food. I know he probably
doesn’t care, he’s just trying to distract himself, and I know Edward and when he wants to talk
about things. He doesn’t want to talk about things. So, I keep my mouth shut and I pretend like I
don’t know he was crying, even though we both know I do know.

I bring food up to Emmett and Jasper, because they’re in their rooms and they haven’t come out
all day. Emmett tells me thanks and that he loves me. I would’ve peed my pants if I was still
eight years old.

I make a plate for Esme and one for Edward, and then I wrap up the rest and put it in the fridge.
Edward is sitting in the living room with Esme eating, and they’re never allowed to eat in the
living room, but today is different. I don’t want to bother them, so I just clean everything up and
I go toward the front door.

When I’m halfway across the lawn, I hear the door open, and when I turn around Edward is
running toward me.

“Wait,” he says. I force a smile at him and sigh. “Thank you… for everything you did today.”

“It was nothing, Edward. You guys do stuff for me all the time. You always have.”

I wave and turn around again, but he grabs my shoulder.

“I… well, I…” He curses under his breath and shakes his head. “Please don’t tell my brothers I
was crying.”

“When were you crying?” I ask. He smiles and I wink at him and run across the street. When I
reach the soccer ball, I kick it as hard as I can, and it flies back into Edward’s yard.

June 2004

I’m sitting on my bed, still wearing my cap and gown, and I’m crying.

In my lap is a photo album filled with pictures from our senior year. There are tons of pictures of
me and Rosalie and Alice. Alice is going to school in California, and Rose is going somewhere
in Texas, wherever Emmett goes to school. I hate that we’re splitting up, but I guess that’s just a
part of life.

I keep flipping, and see pictures of me with Edward. Us at his soccer games. Us at the
homecoming parade. Us at the ski trip, and prom, and I left room in the back for the pictures that
we took today.

Today. Edward is leaving today, and that is why I’m crying.

He’s going to stay with his dad for the summer before he goes to Dartmouth. I’m going to UW in
Seattle, which is so far away from him, it isn’t even funny. We filled out our applications
together, and I didn’t even bother with the Ivy League ones Edward tried for.

I knew that this was coming, for months and months, but I've refused to accept it until now. Until
I know that my best friend is hours away from flying to the other side of the country and leaving
me for good. I don’t know why it’s upsetting me so much when I've been expecting it.

Edward and I had agreed to be friends, and friends only. There are no more sleepovers, no more
kissing, or touching, or anything like that. We wrote it off as being young and stupid, and we've
been more concerned with maintaining our friendship instead risking it all with a relationship.
He has enough to deal with, with his father’s departure, and I have my own issues. It's all just too
much for us. It always has been.

Still, something inside of me is screaming, telling me to go over there and stop him. It seems
stupid for me to go over there and upset him, right before he leaves, but… I don’t have time. I
have to say what my gut is telling me to.

I finally take off my cap and gown and I kick my heels off and throw on flip flops that don’t go
with my frilly dress that Alice forced me to wear, and I march across the street, determined. I
walk inside and head for the kitchen, and Esme is sitting at the table, looking through pictures on
her digital camera.

“Oh, hey Bella. Look at this picture of you and Edward.” She turns the camera around and I look
at the picture and… I start crying again. “What’s the matter?”

“I don’t want him to go,” I confess. “I… I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. I wish I
had more time…”

Esme stands up and she sits me in her chair, and she kneels down next to me and rubs my head.

“Bella… you need to talk to him. Let him know how you feel.”

“What good is it now? He’s leaving in a couple of hours! And then we’ll both go away to school,
and we’ll meet other people, and we’ll forget about each other- I don’t want to forget him,” I cry.
I hug Esme, and she rubs my back, and I get mascara on her pretty, white shirt, but she doesn’t
care.

“You two have something special,” Esme whispers into my ear. “You always have.”

I catch my breath and sit up straight, and as I do, Edward walks through the front door.

“Hey,” he says, looking at me, then at Esme, then back at me. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Edward is so grown up and so beautiful. His eyes are just as green, and his hair is just as crazy,
and his lips are just as pink as they’ve always been.

But he is tall, and dignified.

His features are more defined, and he’s thin, but not awkward. He's as perfect in my eyes as he
always has been.

When I look at him, a million thoughts run through my mind…

I see him eight years old, playing soccer in his front yard and showing off for me when the other
boys didn't acknowledge us.

I see him ten years old, in his Power Ranger pajamas, running across the street to bring me
cupcakes that he made for me when my dog died because he hated seeing me sad.

I see him at twelve, letting me into the tree house even though the sign clearly states that no girls
are allowed because he always tried to include me in his life.

I see us going through our awkward stages at thirteen and making fun of each other, because we
understood each other like no one else, even when we didn't know what was going on.

I see him making sure my birthday was perfect when I turned fourteen because he knew how
hard birthdays were for me without my mom.

I see him at fifteen, sneaking into my room and confiding in me about his issues because he
trusted me more than anyone else in the world.

I see him at sixteen, giving me roses on Valentines Day and still sneaking into my room at night
and I think of the faces he made and the things that came out of his mouth when I touched him
because we felt comfortable being like that with each other.

I see him at seventeen, trying to keep a level head through his parents’ difficult divorce while
still being amazing to me every single day.

And there he stands, in front of me, about to leave, and I just can’t let him go. He’s the only
thing in my life that’s constant, and I can’t lose him.

Because I love him.

At that realization, I shoot up out of the chair and I run past him, through the screen door, across
the wet lawn, and onto the sidewalk. I can’t love him, because he’s leaving, and…

“Bella!”

He shouts my name from his doorstep and I stop, just as I’m about to cross the street. I can’t
ignore his voice. I heard his shoes behind me, clicking against the concrete, and then he steps
onto the sidewalk and turns me so I’m facing him.

“What’s the matter?” He wipes underneath my eyes with the bottom of his expensive dress shirt,
and I just shrug.

“Please don’t go,” I beg through my sobs. “Please. I can’t be if you aren’t here.”

He stares at me for a minute, his lips pressed together in a straight line, and he looks down at the
ground.

“Bella… why do you want me to stay? Why didn’t you say something earlier.... why right now?”

“Because, I was stupid and in denial, and… I don’t know! I don’t have a real reason, besides for
that. But… I love you, Edward. I love you, and I think I always have, and I just didn’t know it-
or I didn’t want to know it, but… I want us to be together now, and…”

My chest feels lighter as soon as I say the words to him. I’m rambling on, and I don’t even care
what he says after. I just want him to know.

He’s silent for what feels like forever. He looks down at the ground, and he mumbles something
to himself, and he curses under his breath and kicks some pebbles with his fancy shoes.

And then, he touches the side of my face and he opens his mouth to say something, but he
doesn’t. He closes it again and drops his hand.

Instead of saying anything, all of a sudden he smiles, and he lifts me up, and I laugh and jump
into his arms, because I know he's happy, and I know that if Rose was there, she would’ve said
something about my underwear showing. I didn’t care then, and I don’t care now.

He kisses me over and over and over, and he smiles and laughs against my lips.

“I love you, too,” he tells me, leaning his forehead against mine. “I always have. I thought you
knew that, though.”

“How would I know?”

“Everyone else did.”

"I didn't know. When you gave me the cupcake on my 14th birthday... I wished that you would
always be there with me." I wipe a tear with the back of my hand and sniffle. "I've been in love
with you my whole life. I just never realized it."

He shrugs and points over his shoulder. “There was one time, last year, when I almost told you.
Here. The day my dad left, you spent all day cooking for me and my brothers and sitting with us,
and trying to help my mom. I ran out here after you left and I stopped you… and I couldn’t say
it. I wish I had, though.”

“I wish you had too,” I tell him. He sets me down on my feet and grabs my hands. “Now… it’s
almost like it’s too late. All these years, and we only just realize this right before you leave.”

“I can always catch another flight,” he says, and he kisses me again.

“Don’t you think we should sit and talk-”

He interrupts me by kissing me again.

“No. We can talk about things later. Let’s just… enjoy this moment.”

So, we do. We sit down on the sidewalk and I stretch my legs out in front of me, and I wrap my
arms around Edward and lean my head on his shoulder.

Our story started right there, on that very sidewalk, ten years earlier.

We sit there in silence for a little while, Edward tracing my knee with his fingertip, until he
laughs quietly and his shoulder vibrates under my chin.

“Hey Bella?” he asks.

“Huh?”

“Emmett says that you and Alice and Rose are lesbians because you hold hands when you cross
the street.”

I laugh and shove him, and he chuckles at his own joke and pushes his hair out of his face.

“Shut up, Ed-werrrrd.”

He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, and he stares into my eyes as he smirks.

“You know, Bella. I did get into UW too…”

My mouth drops open and I jump into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck. “Come,” I
squealed. “Please! You can’t leave me. You’ve always been there…”

He nods his head and grabs the little B that’s still hanging around my neck.

“And I always will be.”

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