Heartache by

ooohlalaaa

When Bella moves to New York with Alice and Rosalie, a beautiful stranger turns her
life upside down and makes her question everything she's ever known. More details
inside. Rated M for super dark shiz to come. And some lemons, of course. AH, OOC

Prologue

BPOV

My mother had given me advice on love since I was a little girl. When I was in
elementary school, she’d explained love to me vaguely.

“When you love someone, you’ll just know it.” I think that tidbit of advice was directly
related to my father.

As I’d gotten older, she’d gone into slightly more detail.

“When you’re in love with someone, you know because they’re all you can think about.
Everything you do relates to them, and all you need to do to be happy is be around
them.” Yeah, okay. That one was for her new husband.

And when I’d had my heart broken by my first boyfriend, and she tried to soothe me
over the phone, she gave me the most valuable scrap of advice that she ever had. It was
the one thing she said that I’d actually kept with me.

“Loving someone is never easy. That’s how you know how much you love them. The
struggle.”

I’m sure she regrets ever saying those words to me. Because in the last year, my entire
existence consisted of struggles that I thought meant love. If I was smart, I would have
disregarded any guidance she’d ever given to me because just following that one little
statement had put my life into a whirlwind of misery and denial. Sure, maybe she didn’t
intend for me to take her words as literally as I had, but it was my only justification for
not giving up on Edward.

As I sat there and watched his perfect face contorting and twisting in pain, and I grasped
his hand as he shook and cried, I realized that my distant, flaky mother was the last
person I should’ve taken advice from. With every uneven breath that shot through
Edward’s pouted lips, my chest tightened.

He’s not going to survive this.

I tried to force the thought from my mind, but I couldn’t deny it anymore.

It’s going to be my fault. This all is happening because of me.

His hand was cold. I released my grasp and tried to wipe away the sheen of sweat that
was covering his forehead. Before I could place my hand on his face, the face that I’d
touched and kissed and loved with everything in me, he screamed in pain. I couldn’t sit

there anymore. If I had to sit there, and watch it happen, I was going to die along with
him.

I felt the tears well up in my eyes. The tears that I’d been pushing away for days. The
tears that I knew were never going to stop once they came. I had no fight left in me, so I
jumped up and turned away from Edward, so he couldn’t see me cry. It was only going
to make things that much worse for him.

As I walked to the door, I sobbed for everything that I’d been holding in. I reached out
to turn the doorknob, but before I could go, I heard a raspy, pained voice call me from
across the room.

“Bella,” I closed my eyes and sighed. It was the first time he’d said anything in days.
“Bella, please don’t leave me…”

Fisrt Night

BPOV

“So how do you feel, Bella?” I took a sip of my margarita and grinned at Alice.

“Amazing. I feel like this is the smartest thing I’ve ever done.” I took another gulp as
Rosalie ran her fingers through my wet hair.

My move had been long and exhausting on all of us. Instead of going bar hopping and
partying it up on my first night living here in New York, I was perfectly content with
having a relaxing girls night at our new apartment. Well, new for me. Alice and Rosalie
had been living here for two years already, and had graciously offered me the third
bedroom when I’d graduated.

The three of us have been best friends since I’d moved from Phoenix to Forks,
Washington to live with my father when I was in high school. They’d welcomed me
into their lives immediately and made living in the dullest place on earth almost
bearable. Almost. The second I got partnered with beautiful, little, bouncy Alice in
Biology, I was immediately drawn to her all around enthusiasm about life and her
constantly positive, upbeat mood. She was like no one else I’d ever seen before. Rosalie
and her had been best friends for who knows how long, and it was completely
understandable; they were both rich and stunningly beautiful, but balanced each other
out equally. Where Alice was at times overly friendly, Rose was at times overly cold.
When Alice was constantly bubbly and bouncing around, Rose was constantly laid back
and carefree. And I fit right plop in the middle, like I was destined to be there. Splitting
up when we went to separate colleges had been one of the hardest things I’d had to do
so far. Both Rosalie and Alice decided to go to school in New York, Alice to achieve
her dream of owning her own boutique and Rosalie to become a thriving supermodel.
Both of them were doing well so far.

I, on the other hand, opted to go to the University of Washington and pursue my goal of
becoming a writer, since there was no possible way I could afford to live in New York.
I’d moped around for months when I moved to Seattle, envisioning myself in all of the
amazing stories of the city that Alice and Rose called to tell me about. Eventually, my

roommate, Jessica got completely sick of my attitude and forced me to become more
social, and I ended up really enjoying myself at UW. But the minute I got a call from
Alice and Rose, which coincidentally happened to be the week after graduation, I
realized that I needed to change my life around. Alice generously offered me their third
bedroom, in exchange for me working a set amount of days per month at her boutique,
and Rose convinced me that there was no better place in the world for an aspiring writer
than New York. I all too willingly agreed, and without saying Rose and Alice hopped
on a plane and helped me pack up my life, which embarrassingly enough pretty much
consisted of a few boxes of clothes, a box of books, and my laptop. I didn’t care. I was
so excited about the turn my life was taking, I wouldn’t have minded leaving everything
and starting over from scratch.

Rosalie’s phone suddenly rang and broke me from my thoughts. By the tone of her
voice I knew exactly who she was talking to. Emmett.

Not much had changed since the last time I’d seen my friends. Rosalie was in a serious
relationship now, which didn’t surprise me. I’d had yet to meet her boyfriend in person,
but I’d talked to Emmett plenty of times on the phone and seen enough pictures to know
exactly what he was like. And I kind of loved him.

He was the perfect guy for Rosalie. The beautiful eldest son of a rich surgeon. Big,
brawny, energetic, and completely and utterly devoted to Rose. He towered over her in
all the pictures I’d seen, which was surprising since Rose herself was 5’10. He had
bright blue eyes, black wavy hair, and deep dimples when he smiled. He was adorable,
and funny, and everything you could ever ask for in a man.

I found it completely hilarious the way the two of them had met, because it was so like
Rose. She’d had a thing for a photographer that had shot her once, so they ended up
meeting for drinks with a few friends and his brother. The brother being Emmett.
Needless to say, she left with him and they’ve been inseparable since.

“Hello?” Rosalie removed her fingers from my hair and walked into the kitchen to talk
when Alice shushed her. I squinted my eyes at Alice when Rosalie’s tone suddenly
became harsh and I tried eavesdropping on her conversation. Alice slyly slid all the way
to the end of the couch that was closest to the kitchen.

“I don’t care Emmett, not tonight!… No, it’s her first night here, I don’t want him-…
yeah, I know, that…Fine, come… Okay.”

I don’t know what the hell she was talking about, but I was referenced in the
conversation so that gave me the right to be nosy. Rosalie walked back into the room
twirling a strand of her long, blonde hair nonchalantly around her finger and she smiled
at me.

“Emmett is going to drop by. Do you mind?”

I laughed and shook my head. “Of course not! I actually really want to meet him. In
person, you know?”

I noticed that Alice had stiffened and she was giving Rosalie a strange look. Something
was going on between them and it was pissing me off.

“Who’s he with?” She moved her eyes from Rose’s and stared blankly at the TV.

“I don’t know… why?”

Alice shrugged. “You know who he’s with. I heard your little discussion.” Rosalie
smirked and squeezed herself between me and Alice.

“You’ll see.” Rosalie was done talking about it, and although she didn’t seem phased by
Emmett’s upcoming visit, Alice did.

“I’m going to get changed.” With that, Alice hopped to her room and left me sitting
with Rose.

“So, can I do something with this hair?” She held up one of my damp locks and dropped
it on the pillow behind me.

I was sitting on the floor in front of Rose a short while later, getting sprayed with some
kind of product when we heard the buzzer go off.

“Oooh! Can I get it?” I hopped up from the floor and ran to the intercom, excited to
meet new people. I buzzed them in and unlocked the door so that Emmett could let
himself in.

“My hair looks pretty sexy.” I posed in the mirror and spun around, admiring my new
coif. Rose was amazing at everything. As I stood there, pulling at pieces of my dark,
shiny hair, the door suddenly opened. My mouth hung open in shock when I saw who
was standing there.

EPOV

I didn’t want to be here. I knew exactly what Emmett was doing, and as much as he
tried to make it seem like it wasn’t about me, I knew why we were coming here. I didn’t
like Rosalie, I was pretty sure Alice didn’t like me, and I was pretty fucking sure I knew
why. Emmett had a big fat mouth and blabbed everything about what was going on with
me to his skank of a girlfriend. I didn’t know for sure that he’d told her, or that she’d
told Alice, but I was pretty confident they all knew.

I loved my brother, but on days like this, I realized why we were becoming distant. He
didn’t know when to butt out of my fucking business and just let me live my life. After
leaving dinner at our parent’s house tonight, my father pulled Emmett into the other
room. I knew what was coming. When the two of us walked outside, Emmett inquired
as to what I was doing for the rest of the night. Or should I say, Dad inquired. I knew
exactly what the fuck was going on. Carlisle was watching me through Emmett. I
almost felt bad for the big, doofy bastard, because he didn’t want to do this shit. So I
decided to make it easy on him. I told him that we could do whatever he wanted, and of
course, after our last “incident” the days of us going barhopping together were over, so
there I was, being dragged up the stairs to Rosalie bitch ass Hale’s apartment.

Emmett pushed open the door and standing in front of me, with her jaw hanging open
and a piece of dark brown hair in between her fingers, was Rose & Alice’s new
roommate. Emmett had mumbled something about her on the way there, but I was too
busy worrying about how I was going to get through the night without jumping off
Hale’s balcony. When I saw her, I was actually pretty shocked that this girl was best
friends with Rosalie and Alice. She had on short frayed denim shorts and a casual wife
beater with red high-top Converse. Rose or Alice wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that
shit if it was the middle of the damn Apocalypse. Her little, body was curvy and tiny all
at the same time. And her huge, chocolate brown eyes were staring right at me. I liked.

I laughed at her expression- I usually got the same kind of thing from most women- and
I pointed down at her sneakers.

“Nice.” I looked down at my feet and as she followed my eyes she let out a giggle. We
were both wearing the same red Converse. “Who are you?”

“Uh, well- you’re in my apartment, so who the fuck are you?”

Alice burst out a laugh that I could hear even though she wasn’t in the room. Rosalie
just rolled her eyes at me and pointed to new roommate girl.

“Bella, this is Edward, Emmett’s brother.” She spoke the sentence in a monotone voice,
emphasizing how little she cared about me. Bitch. “This, obviously is Emmett-” I
watched as Bella ran to Emmett and he picked her up in a huge hug, looking like he was
going to crush her small body. It scared the shit out of me.

I strolled into the other room while the three of them talked and reminisced, plopping
down on the sofa uncomfortably close to Alice. She sneered when she saw me and tried
to cram herself farther into the arm of the sofa.

“So, Alice, guess what?” I threw my arm around her as she sighed.

“What, Edward?”

“Turns out, Jasper wants to do the dirty with you.” I knew that would do it. Her eyes
widened and blinked a few times before she shrugged.

“I know.”

Alice had been crushing on my best friend Jasper for months. I knew he wanted to hit it
since the first day he saw her, but I figured I’d hold onto that piece of information until
the time called for it. And right now this was the time. If Carlisle was going to have me
on a short leash and have Emmett babysitting me fucking 24/7, I was going to be
spending lots of time with these hoes, and it would be way easier if it least one of them
didn’t despise me.

“So. You want it too. I know you do.” Alice rolled her eyes and drummed her fingers
against the edge of the couch.

“You’re terribly mistaken, Cullen. If he’s anything like you I want nothing to do with
him.”

I snickered and shook my head. “Lucky for you, he’s nothing like me.” I leaned my
head into Alice’s so my mouth was near her ear. “I like your friend.”

She shoved my face back with her palm and poked me in the chest.

“You stay away from her, Edward. I’m not kidding. She’s a good person, and you’re…”

“What, Alice?” I waited for her response and chuckled when she finally said it.

“You’re a douche bag.” I continued laughing as she sat there watching me, not amused.
“Edward, come on. How about for once in your incredibly shallow, self centered life,
you think about someone besides yourself and be respectful. If you sleep with my friend
and ditch her, I promise you that you’ll no longer have balls when I’m done with you.”

“Ouch.” I put my hand over my crotch and smiled. “Chill out, Alice. And I am thinking
about someone besides myself. I’m thinking about you and Jiggity Jasper. Hooking up.
What do you think?” Finally she gave up the touch bitch attitude and she smiled.

“Are you just bothering me? Or are you serious?”

“I’m completely serious, sister.” Alice’s eyes widened again before new Bella sexy chic
walked into the room and distracted her. “I’ll be back, Alice.” I strolled past Emmett
into the bathroom as he glared at me and shook his head.

Don’t do it.

I knew what he was trying to say. I didn’t give a shit. I was doing him a favor by
following him around like a damn puppy so that Carlisle would back off of him. So as
long as he shut the fuck up and stopped trying to play big brother, everyone would be
happy.

As I opened the door to leave the bathroom, I almost knocked into Bella, who was
standing right in front of the door. I smirked at her as she spread her hands across the
doorframe, blocking me in the bathroom.

“So, Edward,” She tilted her head to the side and frowned. “Why does everyone around
here have such a problem with you?”

I scratched my chin and scrunched my nose, pretending to think. “You mean they don’t
like me?” She giggled and dropped her hands from the doorway.

“You should’ve seen the mood tense in here when Emmett told Rosalie you were with
him.”

I took a deep breath and yanked at my hair. “Yeah, well… thanks to my brother, I think
your friends have a skewed image of me. Oh, and to be fair, I didn’t like Rosalie before
she didn’t like me.”

Bella’s eyes lit up and she gasped. “Wait… so you’re the photographer! Oh, this is rich.
No wonder you don‘t like her! You brought her on a date and she left with your brother!
Ha!” I was starting to not like Bella so much. She was too smart for her own good.

“Yeah, yeah hilarious.” I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall.

“So, that doesn’t explain why Alice doesn’t like you.”

I smiled and purposely flashed my teeth at her. “I think me and Alice cleared things up
for tonight. Anything else, or are you done with the Spanish Inquisition?”

“Oh, I’m far from done, but you can go now. I like you, Edward. You’re interesting.”
With that, she shoved me out of the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

Edward

BPOV

I couldn’t help but stare at the beautiful man sitting in my living room. Edward. It was
almost impossible to sit there and keep my cool, and not be intrigued by his every
move. My eyes followed his long, pale fingers that were grasping the neck of his beer,
to his lean, muscular arm that lead to his broad shoulders. And his face. Oh, my god. It
was magical. His big, round, deep green eyes and his wide, squared jaw complemented
his soft, pink lips perfectly. Every time he ran his fingers through, or scratched his
bronze, tousled hair, I had to repress a sigh. I’d never seen anything like it. I tried to
wrap my mind around the reasons why Alice and Rosalie had such an odd reaction to
him.

Even more attractive than his physical beauty was the mysterious, smug air he had
about him. Sure, he was a cocky bastard, but why wouldn’t he be? It was hilarious to
me. He was the epitome of perfection. He sat in the armchair, bored out of his mind and
making snide comments while Rose, Alice, and Emmett brought me up to date on
everything that was going on with their lives.

Even more strange than the reaction the girls had to him was his behavior toward his
brother. I could tell just by looking at them that they were close in age, and by things
Emmett had said that they were close at a time, but it seemed like something had
happened since then and now it was like Emmett was almost… protective of him. It was
bizarre. Every time I’d tried to involve Edward into the conversation or ask him
questions, Emmett would cut off his answer, or just talk for him. I felt so out of the
loop.

I almost wanted him to leave so that I could get to the bottom of it, but the thought of
him going and not knowing when I was going to see him again filled me with
hopelessness. So, I did the next best thing I thought of. I tried to drink myself stupid.

As Alice and Rosalie told Emmett a story about our usual antics in Forks, I snuck out of
the room to the kitchen to make myself another margarita. As I held the back of the
mixer to my face and squinted to try and read the directions, I heard a sexy, melodic
voice behind me.

“You mix it with the tequila. Not rocket science.”

He opened the refrigerator to grab another beer as I gave him a sarcastic smile. I starting
pouring the bottle into my cup before he chuckled and grabbed my arm.

“Jesus. Not that much. Move over.” He dumped half of the margarita mix in my cup
into the sink and filled the rest up with Cuervo.

“What are you, a bartender?”

He raised his eyebrows and handed the glass to me. “Nope. Just an avid drinker.”

“I see. Then we have something in common.” I clinked my glass to his bottle and took a
gulp of my disgustingly strong margarita. “So, is there some reason why you’re being
babysat right now?”

He stared expressionlessly at me for a few seconds before frowning. “What?”

“Your brother… why does he keep-”

“Don’t worry about him.” He waved his hand in the air coolly and took a step closer to
me.

“So, Bella… what brings you to New York?” I hopped up on the counter, enjoying the
fact that I was talking to Edward without people glaring at me or censoring his words.

“I missed my friends. And I’m writing a book.” That seemed to interest him, as he
raised one corner of his mouth up in a smirk.

“What about?” Shit. I should’ve known that was a predictable question people were
going to ask when you told them you were writing a book. I shrugged my shoulders and
took another swig of my drink.

“I haven’t started yet. I’m waiting for some inspiration.” Lame answer, but it was true.
He looked down at his feet as the other room grew mysteriously quiet. I tried to think of
some normal question to ask him, so that if the snooping idiots in the other room were
listening they wouldn’t think I was doing anything suspicious.

“So, you’re a photographer, huh? That seems like an awesome job.” Edward just
nodded, clearly not concerned with talking about it. “Did you always want to do that?”

“Not really. I wanted to go to med school.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“I-”

“Bella! Can you get another beer for Emmett?” Rosalie’s shouting words strategically
cut Edward off before he could finish his sentence. What the fuck? He grabbed another

beer out of the fridge before I hopped off the counter. Before we could walk back to the
other room, Edward grabbed my wrist and spun me around.

“Do you have plans for tomorrow?” I shook my head fretfully as I stared into his
entrancing eyes. “Do you want to come somewhere with me?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. You have to keep this between us, though. Don’t tell those two.” He winked at
me, and I swear to god my legs went numb.

“I won’t.” With that we walked casually back to the other room, and I faked enthusiasm
as I reentered their conversation.

The rest of the night passed without incident. I made it a point to give Edward cryptic
smiles and glances, as no one else in the room seemed to acknowledge him. As him and
Emmett stood up to leave, I slipped a piece of paper with my number into his pocket,
purposely touching his leg so he knew. After they left, I wasted no time prying the girls
for information.

“Okay, so I’m confused. What’s going on?”

Rosalie and Alice looked at each other before looking back at me, feigning confusion.

“What do you mean?” Rosalie questioned, as I put my hands on my hips and stared at
her.

“I’m sorry, do I look stupid? What’s with the Edward cockblocking and not letting him
talk, and-”

“It’s nothing, Bella.” Rose’s words were calm and collected, as though she’d practiced
this line before. Alice twirled around and walked back to the living room.

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know anything about friggen Edward! Talk to Rose.” Rosalie leaned against the
wall, eyebrows raised, not saying anything.

“Honestly, I know Edward is… really hot, or whatever, but you should just stay away
from him. Don’t get involved.” I shook my head and moved in front of her when she
tried to walk away.

“I like him. He was nice to me.”

“Yeah, he’s nice to every girl at first. He just wants to fuck you, Bella. Don’t be a fool.”
She tried to walk away again, but I stood my ground and didn’t let her by. Her blue eyes
twinkled as she laughed, and she put her hand on her forehead. “Okay, fine. I guess,
Edward’s been getting into a lot of trouble lately. Their father has been on Emmett to
kind of watch over him, and make sure he’s… behaving himself. And it’s going to be a
long process, because Edward is a stubborn, bratty pain in the ass. So, that’s all.”

I didn’t know what this ‘bad behavior’ pertained to, but I was pretty sure it was serious
if a grown man had to be watched over like a child. I didn’t really care, though. There
was something about Edward that just… drew me to him. I knew what I was going to
do. I was going to try and get it out of him tomorrow when I saw him. Without
everyone there, listening and watching his every move I was sure he’s be a little more
open. I stepped out of Rosalie’s way, satisfied with the information she’d given me, and
I went to bed, preparing for the next day.

Date

EPOV

“So, Edward, will I see you later?” I looked up from packing my equipment to see the
model from the photoshoot I’d just finished staring down at me. Tara… Tammy…
Tanya. That was it. I think.

“Yeah, sure.” I had no clue what she was talking about. It was almost seven, and I had
to think up something quick to do with Bella before I proved Rosalie and Alice right
and made her think I was a complete asshole. I don’t know what I was even thinking in
the first place, asking this random chick on a date… or whatever it was I had yet to
come up with. I was drunk, and she was hot, and witty, and she wasn’t judging me like
everyone else that I fucking knew. It made me feel kind of normal.

As I finished packing up my equipment, an idea popped into my head and I yanked out
my phone. I’d already had Bella’s number programmed, the number that she’d covertly
slipped into my pocket the night before, making sure she pressed her warm little fingers
up against my leg so I knew it was there. She was good. I waited for her to pick up as
the phone started ringing.

“Hello?” She sounded pissed. Shit.

“Hey. You ready to go?”

“Who is this?” Ok, so she was pissed. Whoops.

“Uh… Edward.” There was silence on the other end. I tapped my foot against the
ground, waiting for her to say something.

“Well, no I’m not ready to go. You didn’t tell me what we were doing. And you call me
at what, eight o’clock-”

“It’s seven.”

“Seven, whatever, and you just expect me to be ready to hop up and go?”

“Umm… yeah?” Finally, I heard a muffled giggle coming from her end. “Are you
alone?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Okay, I’m coming by to pick you up. Be ready.” Without giving her a chance of
responding, I pressed the end button on my phone and motioned to my assistant to come
hither. She ran up, eyes wide, waiting for me to order her around.

“Do you need help, Edward?”

“Get me a cab and put this shit in it. I’ll be outside in a couple minutes.” She smiled and
started rolling the cases out the door toward the hotel lobby. I made my way to the
bathroom and shut the door behind me, checking to see that there was no one in there
before I snapped the lock shut. It had been a longer shoot than I expected, I felt like shit,
and I wanted to be alone for a minute.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it almost made me feel worse. If I was
just a stranger, like Bella, looking at me, I’d probably think I was completely normal. If
it wasn’t for the dark circles that were starting to form under my eyes, there’d be no
physical evidence of what kind of shit I was in. I flashed back to dinner last night with
my parents, and I almost felt bad for them. I was completely fucked, and as much as
they tried to watch me, and make Emmett take care of me, I was an adult and only I
could fix everything that I’d done to my life.

* * * * *

“Edward, are you sure you’re okay?” Without moving my head from my arm, I turned
my eyes so I was staring directly into Esme’s.

“I’m fine, Mom. Just bored.” I looked down at the plate of food in front of me and tried
not to gag with disgust. Food was the last thing I wanted right now.

“You’re not eating, Edward.” Once Carlisle started, he didn’t stop. I sighed and put both
of my hands behind my head, leaning back in my chair. “Don’t think I don’t notice
everything.”

That made me laugh. My parents looked at me coldly, clearly not amused. “What then,
Dad, did you exactly notice?”

Carlisle shook his head and dropped his fork so it clanged against the plate. The sound
echoed across the room. Emmett sat there, in silence, throwing daggers at me with his
eyes.

“What did I notice? Look at yourself, Edward. It isn’t funny. It’s just sad.” Esme
clenched her eyes shut at Carlisle’s harsh words.

“You have to understand, we’re just afraid that-”

“Mom, he’s fine. Trust me.” Emmett cut her off, which was smart on his part. For some
reason, they believed him, and if the interrogation kept going on like it usually did,
Esme would be running out crying within a few minutes. I made a mental note to thank
him before we left.

“Edward?” My mom broke the nice, relaxing silence that had taken over the room. “I
saw Mrs. Mallory this morning at Pilates… she seemed upset about something you’d
done to Lauren.” This time, both me and Emmett broke out in laughter.

“What did I do?”

Carlisle was not pleased at all with this whole conversation, so he excused himself from
the table, clearly fuming. Esme just waited patiently for us to calm down before
lecturing me.

“Edward, I’m not going to tell you how to live your life, but you need to start being
more respectful to women… preferably less women. And if you are going to act like…
well, your usual self, than please don’t do it to people who’s parents are friends of
ours.”

I nodded my head and pretended I was listening. “Gotcha. Anything else, Madre?” She
shook her head and continued to pick at her food.

As soon as she was done, Emmett and I made a beeline for the door. I felt bad that my
mistakes were fucking up his relationship with our parents too, but they were way out of
their league if they though they could talk and cry their way into my life. They were just
pushing Emmett away along with me. I’d heard everything they’d said before, and then
some, but still they continued, week after week, to get me to have some kind of
emotional breakdown and beg for their help. That shit wasn’t happening. When we got
to the door, my mother hugged me way too tightly and rubbed my head before letting
go. I swear she still thought I was seven years old. As I pulled away, I saw the tears
welling up in her eyes. Carlisle was already on it, rubbing her back and glaring
viciously at me.

“Emmett, can I talk to you in the other room?” I rolled my eyes as Emmett followed
Carlisle to his office.

“Why leave the room? You’re obviously talking about me, so just say what you have to
here.” I shouted loud enough for them to hear me, but the only response I got was the
sound of a door slamming. I sighed and turned to Esme, who was still trying to fight
back her tears.

“Why are you so upset? I’m not getting what the problem is.”

“You wouldn’t, Edward. You don’t see how what you’re doing effects everyone around
you.”

I scratched my head and shrugged. “Guess not. I’ll see you next week-”

“Why don’t you wait for Emmett?” I could’ve walked out right then, but I figured I’d
ruined everyone’s night enough already. Instead, I stood and leaned against the door,
avoiding Esme’s desperate glances until Emmett reappeared in the foyer, sans Carlisle.

“Let’s go. Bye Mom, I’ll call you soon, okay?” Esme just nodded and waved us out the
door.

* * * * *

As I finished up in the bathroom, I splashed cold water on my face to try and make
myself look more awake than I was. I ran my cold hands through my hair before
throwing my beanie back on and walking out into the lobby. The hot air immediately hit
me as I stepped onto the sidewalk.

“Do you need anything else, Edward? Should I come with you to help you bring your
equipment up to your apartment?” My assistant’s shrill voice annoyed the shit out of
me. I shook my head at her and slid into the cab that was parked on the curb.

“No, go home. Thanks.” She looked disappointed, but whatever. I had better things to
do right now than bone my overpaid assistant. I gave the driver Bella’s address and
closed my eyes, trying to relax myself for our little get-together. Bella was definitely
curious about stuff- she’d even mentioned stupid fucking Emmett watching me last
night. So I was going to have to make up some serious lies, quickly. I replayed my story
over and over in my mind before I got to her building.

I hopped out of the cab, telling the driver to wait, and booked it for the lobby. As soon
as I reached the glass doors, I saw her walking toward me. She pushed open the door,
looking anxious.

“Hurry up. Rose just got home and Alice is on her way. I don’t want her to see me.” I
put my hand on her back and led her to the open door of the cab. She slid in and
immediately spun toward me, blowing her sweet, citrus smell in my direction. “So,
Eduardo, where are we going? Do I look alright?”

I looked her up and down with a shrug. She looked amazing. Her black, ruffled top
contrasted so well with her light skin, and her dark, tight skinny jeans wrapped around
her in all the right places. Even her little red toenails that peeked out from her sandals
were sexy. Of course, it didn’t matter. We weren’t really going anywhere special.

“You look fine.”

She set her bag next to her and placed her palms on the space between us, leaning over
just enough for me to peek down her top. And Eduardo liked.

“Can I ask you something?” She fluttered her long eyelashes at me, knowing that shit
was hard to resist. She must’ve charmed people like that all the time.

“It depends.” She blinked a few more times, still staring right at me. “What?”

“What’s your deal? You have to give me more details.”

I looked straight ahead at the cabby’s shitty driving. This girl had no idea what she was
talking about. She didn’t want more details. If she knew them, the bitch would go
running for the hills.

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you.” Apparently that wasn’t a good enough
answer for her. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared out of her window.

“Why did Rosalie say that I should stay away from you?” Rosalie was such a cunt. I
reminded myself to tell her she looked like she gained weight the next time I saw her.

“Because Rosalie is a skank.” Cunt was probably too strong of a word for Bella’s liking.

“Not an answer.”

“Honestly? I don’t know. She thinks I sleep around. Same reason why Alice doesn’t
like me.”

“Do you?”

Fuck. I quickly tried to think over if lying was the best answer.

“Uh… well, define sleeping around?”

Bella chewed on one of her nails and answered me through clenched teeth. “Did you
sleep with Rosalie?” Damn it. Maybe she would have mercy on me if I was honest.

“Once.”

“What about Alice?”

“Once.”

“Oh. My. God.”

Reminder to self: honesty is not always the best policy.

Bella reached for her bag, completely flustered, and knocked on the glass in front of us.
“Can you stop here, please?” The cabby nodded and started to swerve toward the curb.

“No! Just keep going.” I put my hand on her shoulder and pushed her back into the seat.
“Stop. You don’t even know where we are.”

“I don’t care, I’ll get another cab… you… you’re-” She struggled for an insult that
would describe me. Any of them probably would’ve worked. Whatever… I deserved it.
“Disgusting. You’re disgusting.”

“Really, Bella? I thought you were different then them.” That seemed to work. The
cabby sat, looking back at us, waiting to see if we were getting out or not.

“Just… keep going.” Her body relaxed slightly as she fell back into the seat. She leaned
her head back so she was looking up at the ceiling, and she put her hand on her
forehead. I knew what she was saying in her head. Something along the lines of ‘What
the hell did I get myself into?’

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Where the fuck are we even going,
Edward?”

I looked out of the window to see where we were, and I smirked, realizing we’d be there
in a minute.

“You’ll see.”

Brooklyn Bridge

BPOV

What am I doing? What am I doing?

I repeated it over and over in my head, not understanding why I didn’t just bolt from the
cab when I had the chance. As soon as he spilled that he’d slept with both Rosalie and
Alice, everything started to make sense. They didn’t want me around him because he
was a player and a scumbag and a pig and… ugh, and beautiful. They knew I wouldn’t
be able to resist him if he tried. From now on, I was going to listen to what they said.

I looked around as the cab halted. I didn’t know what I was expecting, but it definitely
wasn’t this. I thought maybe we were going to a bar, or a restaurant, or something, but
there was nothing of the sort around. Just a tall, sprawling building with huge windows
on a quiet street that overlooked the East River. Edward tossed a couple of bills into the
front seat and got out of the cab. I followed, because what the hell else was I going to
do?

“This isn’t it. I just have to drop some stuff off.” He pulled some black containers out of
the trunk when the driver popped it open. I stared at him as he lifted each huge box out
with ease. “Don’t help or anything.”

He laughed and slammed the trunk closed as an anxious doorman came running up to
him.

“Do you need help, Mr. Cullen?”

“I got it, thanks.” Edward pushed a small carrier into my chest and rolled the other two
cases into the building. The building, which by the way, was far more posh than
anything I’d ever seen, including ours. The marble lobby was silent as we stood and
waited for the elevator. Within minutes, we were standing in front of the door to
Edward’s apartment. He shoved the door open, and as we stepped inside I stopped and
stared in awe.

It was unlike anything I could’ve imagined. His apartment was enormous and wide
open, like a loft. It stretched the entire length of the building. The back wall was entirely
made up of glass, revealing an amazing view of the river. Since the sun was almost
completely down, the reflection off the water cast a dim, orange light into the
apartment. The whole place was adorned with modern decor, but it was purposefully
simple.

“This is a sick apartment.”

He shoved the cases, which I realized were his photo equipment, into a closet. I pushed
my hands out to give him the case I was holding, but he shook his head.

“We need that one.” I stood there, staring in amazement at everything as he fiddled
around with a backpack. He grabbed the small case and shoved it in his backpack and
set it down on the floor. “Do you want the grand tour?”

I knew that I was supposed to be disgusted and angry with him, but I couldn’t help but
be smitten by him. Every movement that he made was so smooth and graceful. He was
a walking, modern day Adonis. I followed behind him as he sauntered into the main
room.

“That’s the kitchen you were just standing in. Obviously. This is the living room…
area.” He pointed at an L-shaped, minimalist white sofa that was in the center of the
apartment. “My bedroom… area.” I laughed as he pointed toward a huge four poster
bed to the right of us.

“Is there a particular reason why you have no walls?” He stared at me like I had two
heads.

“I like it better this way. It’s more open. Why do I need walls, anyway? I live alone.”
Whatever. It made sense, I guess.

I suddenly realized how out of place I was in Edward’s world. He was a successful
photographer, who lived in New York in a professionally decorated apartment and had
sex with girls like Alice and Rosalie. I was a struggling writer from Washington that
was jobless and given a room out of charity. It was just a little discouraging.

“Come on, Bella. You’re gonna like this.” As he grabbed my hand to pull me toward
him, I felt a tingle go through my body. The fact that this guy had such an effect on me
had to mean something, didn’t it? I realized what I was going to do. I’d get to know him
better, and not sleep with him. If we were just friends, I was sure that Alice and Rose
would have no problems with me being around him. And eventually, if he kept on
seeing me, it would mean that he cared about me as more than just a fling.

Okay, so the plan sucked, but I needed to justify in my mind that Edward wasn’t the
horrible person that everyone made him out to be. So far, besides for the fact that he
boned my two best friends, he hadn’t done anything to me to make me dislike him. He
hadn’t even really hit on me. I didn’t know why I felt such a strong pull to this stranger,
but I was just going to go with it. Whatever happened would happen.

We reached a set of glass doors on the far edge of the apartment. Edward let go of my
hand to push them open, revealing a huge balcony that overlooked the city and the river.
It was out of this world.

“This is ridiculous. How do you afford this place?” I walked out onto the balcony as he
stayed in the doorway laughing.

“Daddy.” I hopped up to that I was sitting on the cement wall that lined the building and
I stared out into the river.

“Is that the Brooklyn Bridge?” He nodded. “I’ve always wanted to see it at night. It
must look so cool from here.”

“Yeah, it does. That’s where we’re going.” I gulped nervously. I hated bridges. It was a
stupid fear that I had since I was a little girl. Sure, they were cool to look at… from far
away. But this kid was crazy if he thought I was going to hang out at one for the night.

“Um, I like the balcony. How about we just stay here?”

Edward frowned and shook his head. “We’re only staying on the balcony if you let me
photograph you. Naked.” I gave him the finger and trotted past him back into the
apartment. So much for him not hitting on me. Even though the idea of me being naked
around Edward didn’t seem half bad.

We took the elevator back downstairs and hopped into another cab, me contemplating
the whole time about how I was going to get out of having a panic attack in front of this
sex god when he made me walk across a bridge. The sun had set fully and since I had
spent the entire day in the apartment yesterday, it was my first time being in the streets
of New York at night. Unfortunately, the ride to the bridge was short, and I was sure
that I was going to pass out when I got out of the cab.

I stopped at the entrance to the walkway and took a deep breath. Edward kept walking
until he realized I wasn't next to him anymore.

"What are you doing?"

I shrugged and pointed at the grassy area underneath us."I'm good here. Oooh, look,
grass!"

"Come on!" I planted my feet, afraid to take another step. Edward just stared at me in
disbelief. "What's the problem?"

"Bridges scare me." He laughed and stalked over to me, grabbing my wrist and yanking
me forward. I followed, hesitantly. It was a little less nerve wracking with Edward
touching me.

"Christ, Bella. Grow a pair." He threw his arm around my shoulders casually as he led
me to the walkway. I kept my eyes down at my feet the entire way, too scared to look in
any other direction. I did enjoy the close proximity to him, seeing as it allowed me to
breathe in his indescribable friggen scent. It was like soap and the ocean and spearmint
and everything good in life. Even the light smell of cigarette smoke that lingered on his
shirt was appealing. God, I was such an idiot. Suddenly, he stopped and spun my body
toward the water. I squeezed my eyes shut and heard him chuckling.

"Wow, this was fun. Can we go?"

"Open your eyes, Bella."

Hesitantly, I opened my left eye and then my right. And I was glad I did. I'd never seen
a view that amazing before. My mouth hung open in disbelief as I grasped Edward's
shoulder."Oh my God! This is so beautiful!"

I decided to get a little ballsy and I moved all the way to the handrail, taking in
everything I saw. The cars passing underneath us, the bright lights on the bridge, the
unbelievable view of the skyline. The whole thing was amazing.A light clicking sound
next to me broke me from my thoughts. I glanced over at Edward to see that he'd pulled
a camera out of his backpack and was snapping pictures.

"Don't take pictures of me."

"Why not? You look good. And anyway, I already did."

I was too excited to care. I'd gotten over my pathetic bridge fear and I was living in an
amazing new city with my best friends and I was already making new ones. It was the
first time in my life that I was excited at my future and reveling in the moment. I knew
from then on that whenever I thought of that night, I would remember it as the turning
point of my life; Bella, the sullen, boring girl from Forks to Bella, the big city girl with
an exciting future. It was almost too much for me to handle at the moment.

I turned to Edward who had stopped paying attention to me awhile ago, and I stared at
he clicked away on the camera, his long fingers wrapped around the lens. Every few
pictures he would look at the LCD screen and squint his eyes, and his tongue would
involuntarily graze along his bottom lip. It was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.

"Thanks for making me come out here. Seriously. This is one of the most incredible
things I've ever seen."

"No problem." He lowered the camera from his face and gave me his sexy half grin.
"Do you want to go?" I shook my head and wrapped my fingers around the railing. I felt
the warmth of Edward's body next to me as the wind blew, making my hair fly out
behind me.

"Do you come here a lot?"

"Not really," He answered. "I've been busy lately. It's my favorite place in the city. I
thought it would be a cool thing for you to see, since you just moved here."

Standing here, just talking to Edward made me realize how normal he was when he
wasn't putting on his ‘bad boy’ persona. To me, he just seemed slightly pained and
misunderstood. I swore to myself that I'd get to the bottom of whatever it was that was
bothering him.

"Can I ask you something?"

"What now?"

"Rosalie said something about you... That you were acting out, or got into trouble or
something and that was why Emmett was acting the way he was toward you." Edward's

nostrils suddenly flared, and the color drained from his cheeks. He looked at me, his
eyes burning.

"She said that?"

"Um.. Yeah. Sorry, did I say something..." I let my voice trail off at the end. He shook
his head and took a deep breath. I watched as he stood there, leaning over the railing,
just thinking.

"How about this?" He stood up straight and moved even closer to me. So close that I
could feel his warm breath on my face when he spoke. "Why don't you get to know me
and make your own judgments? Don't listen to that slut Rosalie, or Alice, and don't pay
attention to my stupid fucking brother. Don't even tell me anything they say about me,
because, honestly, I could give a fuck. How does that sound?"

I swallowed hard as my eyes trailed the stubble under Edwards chin, across his square
jaw and down his cheekbone, my eyes finally resting on his lips. I knew he caught me
watching, because at that moment he leaned forward and gently pressed his mouth
against mine. My eyes fluttered shut and I breathed in hard, trying to remember the
smell of Edwards skin. His lips were so soft and velvety, and his light stubble scratched
at my chin. I tried to deepen the kiss, but he pulled away without letting me. As I stood
there, staring at Edward without saying a word, my phone started vibrating in my
pocket. I yanked it out and rolled my eyes when I saw the caller ID.

"Hi Alice."

"Please tell me you're alive and not lost somewhere in Harlem."

"I'm fine. Just walking around, looking at stuff." I felt really guilty lying to Alice, but
now wasn't the time to be Mother Teresa.

"Well, hurry up and get home! We're going out tonight, remember?" Shit. I looked at the
time and cringed, realizing I had to get home as soon as I could in order to avoid the
wrath of Alice.

"I'll get a cab now. See you in a few minutes!" With that I clicked the end button and
sighed. "I have to go. I promised Alice this morning I'd go to some model party thing
with her and Rose. I'm really looking forward to it, if you couldn't tell." Edward’s eyes
shot open and he hit his forehead with his palm.

“That’s what she was talking about.” I frowned.

“What?”

“Nothing. I’m supposed to go too. Maybe I’ll see you there.” He smirked and motioned
his head back toward the road. “Come on, I’ll walk you back.”

Party

BPOV

I stretched my arms out above my head and spun around so my back was facing Alice.

“Look!” I leaned slightly forward and felt the cold air from the vent blow up my dress.
Nuh-uh. Alice just stood there, frowning.

“What?”

“Those are my asscheeks you’re looking at right now.” Alice laughed and forced my
arms back down.

“Are you planning on walking around all night with your arms straight up in the air?” I
looked to Rosalie for help but she was too busy staring into the mirror, putting on her
make up.

“I’m not wearing this.” As I crossed my arms over my chest, Rosalie threw her lipstick
onto the counter and spun to me.

“Bella, you’ve complained about the dress for the last 40 minutes. Shut. The. Fuck.
Up.” When she finished her little rant I huffed and marched into the kitchen, grabbing a
beer from the refrigerator. Alice and Rose had finished making me up like one of their
Barbies over an hour ago. I looked like a hooker and I was bored.

“Rosalie, where’s your lumberjack boyfriend? I need someone to keep me company.” I
shouted from the living room, where I’d plopped down in front of the TV.

“He’s meeting us there,” I heard her yell back. “Doucheward got invited and Jasper
decided to come too so he’s going with them. I didn‘t want them here.”

So Edward was going. HA. That made my night a whole lot better. I didn’t hate the
dress as much as I claimed, I was really just being spiteful since it was their fault I had
to leave him in the first place. I heard Alice chattering away at Rose in the bathroom
and it sounded like something juicy so I went back in to annoy them.

“Yeah, well don’t group him up with Edward, like they’re the same or something.”
Alice sounded pissed. And Rose looked pissed.

“Alice. I’m more than aware that you want inside his zipper. But come on! Jasper is his
fucking best friend. People are best friends for a reason. I’m just saying.”

“Who the eff is Jasper? And who names their kid that?” Rosalie snickered as Alice gave
me the evil eye.

“He’s southern. And what kind of a name is Bella?”

“Okay, MARY ALICE.” Alice reached over and grabbed a chunk of my hair and started
pulling as hard as she could.

“Say sorry!”

“Okay, sorry, sorry. Truce. Oww.” I rubbed my poor head as Alice let go. “ANYWAY.
Who’s this Jasper?”

“Technically he’s Edward’s best friend-”

“I still say gay lover.” Alice rolled her eyes as Rosalie cut her off.

“Shut up, Rose. Don’t pay attention to her. Anyway, he’s friends with Emmett also.
And him and Edward are nothing alike, besides for the fact that they’re both hot.”

“And that they both have cocky attitudes.”

Alice sighed and hopped off her spot on the counter when Rose interrupted her for the
second time. “I’m done talking. Rose, hurry up or I’m not going.” Now that was funny.
The day Alice chooses not to show off a new outfit is the day hell freezes over.

Within a half hour, we had managed to get a taxi and we got to the overcrowded,
overpriced club. I glanced around at all the people around me, feeling completely
inferior. There were beautiful models everywhere, and then there was me, who had to
stand on her tip toes and jump to see anything. Ridiculous. Now I knew how Alice felt
every day.

Suddenly, Rose spotted Emmett by the bar so we started to make our way over slowly.

“Ew,” Alice said with a sneer. “That’s so unnecessary.” I had no clue what she was
talking about. Until I reached the bar, that is.

“Bella!” Emmett gave me a quick hug and handed me a drink. I saw Rose whispering in
his ear and pointing behind us. Emmett suddenly got serious and shrugged, so it was
clear he was trying to change the subject. Being the naturally intrusive person I am, I
turned and looked to where Rose was pointing. And I choked on my drink.

Edward was sitting at a table with some reddish blondish model bitch who was nearly
straddling him right there and making out with him. He didn’t even look in my
direction. My heart started to race as I stood there, choking on my drink. I felt Alice
pounding on my back, trying to help me.

“Bella! Are you okay?” I nodded, finally able to catch my breath.

“The drink… went down the wrong way.” I gulped and handed the glass to her. “I’m
gonna go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

I pushed through the crowd, not caring if I knocked over any anorexic skanks or
whoever in the process. My blood was boiling and I needed to calm myself down before
I ruined everyone’s night. When I got into the bathroom, I slammed the door closed in
one of the stalls and leaned against it, shaking.

What kind of a person does something like that? A few hours before I’d believed his
stupid little act and then he does this? He knew damn well that I was going to be here,
and he didn’t even care. Rosalie was completely right.

More shocking to me then the fact that he was doing what he was doing was the fact
that I even cared. I’d met him the day before and been alone with him once. I didn’t
even make out with him, I pecked him for God’s sake. I was embarrassed at myself for
caring so much about this… stranger.

I couldn’t help it, though. I’d felt an instant connection from the second I saw him. And
I thought he’d felt it too, but apparently I was mistaken. I decided that moping around in
a grimy public bathroom was no way to spend the night, and if I was going to get over
this whole Edward… actually, Rose’s nickname was much more fitting now. If I was
going to get over this whole Doucheward situation, I was going to have to enjoy myself.
There had to be at least one male model in here that wasn’t gay. I planned to find him.

Unfortunately, when I emerged from the bathroom, Edward and his hoe had changed
location and were now leaning up against the wall dry humping. I forced back some
vomit and squeezed by them, trying not to make eye contact. It was one of the most
awkward moments of my life.

I found Alice, Rose, and Emmett in the same place that I had left them. Standing next to
Emmett was a tall, lanky, but extremely hot blonde guy. I wasn’t sure if there was
spinach stuck in my teeth or something, but they all stared at me when I strolled up with
a strained smile.

“Bella, are you alright?” Rosalie raised an eyebrow and I shrugged.

“I’m fine. Why?”

“You just look-”

“I’m fine.” I grabbed my drink from Alice’s hand and tried to scope out the man
situation. Emmett suddenly jumped up from his barstool and turned his head from side
to side, looking frantic.

“Did you guys see where Edward went?” I pointed toward the bathroom with contempt.
I couldn’t help it.

“I saw him by the bathroom making out with a redhead.”

“Shit.” Emmett ran off, Rosalie in tow. Apparently he’d neglected babysitting duty.
Alice put her hand on blonde guy’s bicep and pulled him toward me.

“Bella, this is Jasper.” Aha! So it all clicked. Rose was right about this too. Alice totally
had the hots for Jasper.

“Hey, Bella.” He grinned at me and turned toward the bar. “Want a shot?”

“Yes, please.”

I took a shot. Or two or… five. Whatever. I actually was enjoying myself with Alice and
Jasper and it kept my mind off of Deadward. My new nickname, because he was dead to
me. I found Jasper to be incredibly charming, despite the fact that he was pretty cocky

and checked out every girl that came within a three foot radius of him. I think it was the
Southern accent that got me. He definitely did seem to have some kind of interest in
Alice, though. He made it a point to touch her somewhere every time they talked and
when he had something to say to her he put his lips right up to her ear, instead of
shouting which he did when he talked to me. I had to remember these little things and
tell Alice about them later.

I don’t know exactly how much time had passed before Emmett and Rosalie came back.
Of course, trailing behind them was no other than the douche bag himself… sans
strawberry crotch. I took one quick look at him and darted my eyes back to Jasper, but it
wasn’t quick enough because he caught me.

“Bella! When’d you get here?” Okay, Edward was inebriated. Still, that was no excuse
for what he did to me. I was pretty tipsy and I wasn’t making out with anyone. Not that
he’d actually give a shit, but still. Emmett kind of shoved him so that he was facing
away from me.

The close proximity mixed with the liquor made me feel kind of uncomfortable, so I
booked it outside to find someone with a cigarette. I barely made it out the door when I
realized he’d followed me outside.

“Hey.” Hey? Was he kidding? All my control flew out the window as I realized that
there was no one behind him.

“What?”

“I said hey. You know, like ‘hi’.”

“Yeah, I heard what you said. What the fuck, Edward?”

He stood there, looking confused and drunk and… gorgeous. Ugh, I hated myself for
being so controlled by the way he looked.

“What did I do?” I felt some word vomit coming up.

“What did you do? Well, you ask me to go on this little date with you, and then you kiss
me, and THEN not three hours later, I see you making out with some… skank when you
knew I was going to be here! So, let me repeat myself, what the fuck?”

Edward’s eyes widened and he scratched his stupid coppery sex hair. Which looked
extra sexed out right now. Damn it. He took a few steps closer to me and ran his thumb
up the side of my cheek.

“I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you.” And then, slurring his words and all, he actually
leaned in and tried to kiss me. And I was not about to get oral herpes from his little
rendezvous with the model. Those self defense classes that I’d taken the week before I
moved to New York that Rosalie and Alice made fun of me for suddenly seemed like an
amazing idea as I slapped him. Yep, I bitch slapped him. And then he laughed.

“Bella! Come on. I said sorry… I like you.” I almost believed him. And then I realized
how stupid I was.

“You like me?” It made me laugh, repeating his words. “Amazing. Because considering
how my best friends told me to stay away from you, and I didn’t listen to them, you’d
think that you would’ve tried to prove them wrong. I mean, you could’ve humored me
and acted decent for… a day? Maybe two? But a couple of hours? Now I know what
everyone’s talking about, Edward.” I saw a cab waiting on the curb and I took it as a
sign to go. “Tell Alice and Rose I went home.”

I jumped into the cab, leaving Edward standing there, dumbfounded.

The Morning After

EPOV

“Oww.” I felt my head pounding before I’d even opened my eyes. Shit. It felt like I was
laying on cement. I opened my eyes, slowly. It wasn’t cement I was laying on, it was
tile. I was in a bathroom.

I winced as I touched where the source of the pain was. There was a Band-Aid on my
head and the hair around it was hard and crunchy. I sat up, still holding my head, and
looked around the bathroom. Okay, I was home. Thank you, Emmett. On the floor
where my head had been there was a small puddle of dried blood. That explained the
crunchy hair and first aid. Without even standing up, I reached into the tub and turned
the shower on, letting the steam fill up the bathroom.

After my shower, I walked out of the bathroom to see Emmett and Rosalie, fully
dressed and asleep on top of my bed. I don’t know why that biotch was in my
apartment, but I wanted her out. After I got dressed, I kicked the mattress and Emmett
shot up, rubbing his eyes. He looked me up and down with a disgusted look and without
saying anything, he shook Rosalie awake. She immediately ran to the bathroom, like I
gave a shit what she looked like in the morning.

“You two better not have done it on my bed.” I tried to break the silence by being funny
but Emmett just rolled his head slowly toward me before his breathing sped up.

“Do you have any idea what you acted like last night?”

I tried to remember as far back as I could, but besides for little flashes all I could
remember clearly was before we went out. “No.”

Rosalie walked out of the bathroom, her shoes in her hand. “Would it have killed you to
flush the toilet after you puked in it? Ughh.” I didn’t remember puking, but I was glad
I’d left it in there for her to see. “I cleaned up the blood on your floor. Your welcome.”

“Wow, thanks! Get out.” She squinted her eyes at me and then looked at Emmett, who
was holding the bridge of his nose.

“Don’t talk to her like that.” What? Emmett never stood up for Rosalie over me. That
shit pissed me off.

“Fuck her. And fuck you too, Emmett. Get out.”

I don’t know why that made him tick, but before I knew it, Emmett was holding me up
against the wall by my throat. I didn’t even bother trying to fight him because I was too
hungover and too fucking confused. Rosalie got nervous and was pulling at his arm, but
Emmett didn’t let go.

“This shit has to stop Edward. This is the last fucking time I’ll do this for you. Next
time, I’ll just leave you alone, and if you fucking die, or someone beats the shit out of
you, I won’t feel sorry, because I warned you.” He let his grip loose and I leaned over,
gasping for air. I heard sniffling next to me and I realized it was Rosalie crying. I put
my hand on my knees and looked up at her, still trying to catch my breath.

“Why… the hell… are you crying?” The blood rushed to my head and I cringed. I stood
straight up, still kind of dizzy. “And what happened to my fucking head?”

Rosalie just stood there looking at me. It almost looked like she felt… sorry for me.
Shit. This was not good. If this cold hearted bitch felt bad for me, I must’ve really
fucked up. I needed to find out what I did.

“I was trying to help you yesterday and you flipped out and tried to push me. And then
you fell and your head bounced off the tile, hence the blood. And that was me that
cleaned it up and put a bandage on it, by the way.”

“Stop it, Rose. You don’t need to explain anything to him.“ Emmett grabbed Rosalie‘s
hand and pulled her toward the front door while I just looked at her, shocked. “I’m
going and talking to Dad about this today. You’re fucking up everyone’s lives, Edward.
Not just your own, but Mom’s crying every day and fighting with Dad. Dad’s fucking
scared he’s gonna get a phone call that you’re dead. Now this shit is effecting me, too. I
can’t even enjoy myself, because I have to fucking take care of you. And now Rose sees
firsthand what you’re like, and she’s traumatized by this shit. I’m done, Edward. You’re
on your own.”

I think that was the first time in my life that I’d ever heard Emmett be completely
serious. Maybe it was time to change shit around. Maybe I should just let him tell our
parents what I was like, and hope that Carlisle didn’t choke me to death with his bare
hands… or worse, take away the apartment. No. If what happened last night was as bad
as Emmett was making it, that was the first thing Carlisle would do.

“If you go and talk to Mom and Dad, I’ll never fucking talk to you again.” Without
saying anything, Emmett turned the doorknob and bolted out of my apartment,
slamming the door behind him.

I figured the first step to finding out what happened would be to go to people who were
there. And the only other person that I knew for sure was there was Jasper. I ran to the
bathroom and pulled my phone out of my jeans that were in the hamper. 5 Missed Calls
from Jasper. One from my Mom’s cell phone. That one wasn't getting a call back.

Jasper picked up on the first ring.

“Edward! What the fuck, man. Are you alright?”

“My head hurts. Where are you?” He was quiet. I heard shuffling and what I thought
was a door closing.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I tried calling so many times to see if you were okay.
Emmett’s phone was dead, so I didn’t know what was going on.”

“I'm fine, Jazz. I don’t even know what the fuck happened. Do you? Emmett just tried
to fucking kill me and then he screamed and left. And Hale was here. Why was she
here? And why the fuck are you whispering?”

It took a minute for Jasper to take in everything I said before he responded. “Emmett
told me what was going on, and I stayed with Alice because Bella went home and Rose
was with you. I couldn’t just leave her alone, man. She doesn’t know about you. Rose
didn’t either, until last night. Emmett never told her.”

“You didn’t answer one of my questions. And you’re still whispering.”

“Alice is asleep and Bella’s sitting in the living room! I’m sitting in the fucking
bathroom, Edward. Unless you want me to go sit on the sofa and talk in my regular
voice and blow up your spot.”

Bella. Oh, fuck. I suddenly remembered her yelling at me for something. I tried to
remember exactly what she said, but it was all a blur. All I could remember were her
arms flailing around. And that she was wearing a really short, black dress.

That meant she was there. What if she saw something? What if she knew? I slammed
my fist against the counter, knowing I fucked up. Bad this time.

“Jazz, I gotta go. Call me when you leave there.”

I don’t know how my life had done a 180 in the course of a couple hours, but for some
reason, I felt like I had to go say sorry to Rosalie. For what, I don’t know, but seeing her
cry and the way she looked in my apartment… it was almost like she was being sincere.
I didn’t hate her as much as I let on. Really, at first I just thought she was a skank who
was using my brother. But, who wouldn’t think that? I brought the girl out with me after
I'd already slept with her and she left with Emmett. That’s some dirty shit. But, anyway,
I got over that after I saw how much Emmett really loved her. And then, that’s when
shit really started to go downhill.

Rose and I got pretty friendly, so we all started hanging out as a group; her, Emmett,
Alice, and me. Then I did the unthinkable and on a night that I figured was something
like yesterday, only I was a less wasted, I slept with Alice. And apparently Alice really
liked me. I really liked Alice as a person, but not like that. I wanted everyone to stay
friends and for shit not to get weird, so I distanced myself from them for awhile and
didn’t return any of Alice’s phone calls. That was what pushed Hale over the edge.

The only other time that Rosalie had been to my apartment was when she came over to
rip me a new one about what I’d done to Alice. Emmett stayed out of it because he
didn’t want to have to pick sides between me and Rose, but I knew he was pissed at me
for it. Whenever I tried to do the right thing it always backfired in my fucking face, and
that was why I didn’t bother giving a shit about anyone anymore. Eventually, me and
Rose agreed that everything would be fine- we didn’t have to like each other. Just as
long as I never got involved with anyone else she knew, everything would be fine.

Anyway, the whole thing blew over when Emmett brought Jasper around Alice. I’m
pretty sure she forgot that I even existed. Still, after that whole incident, I spent less and
less time with them, and more time with the models and other people I’d worked with.
Which got me in the predicament that I was in now. Emmett had turned from being my
older brother and best friend into my babysitter. And it cut into his time with Rose.

Before last night, I didn’t care. I didn’t care about my parents, I didn’t give a shit about
what Emmett and Jasper thought, and I certainly didn’t care about that bitch Rose. But
what I realized, after Emmett left and I’d fully processed his little speech was that these
people were concerned about me. That’s why I was such a scumbag for acting the way I
did.

But even after all that, I still didn’t care. I just wanted to sort shit out with Rose so that
Emmett calmed down, and then he wouldn’t tell our parents, and then we could all go
on living our lives in the dysfunctional way that we did before. When I wanted shit to
change for me, I’d do it myself, I wasn’t going to be forced into it by Emmett.

I waited a couple of hours before I made my way over to the girls’ apartment. Someone
buzzed me in without asking who it was, thank god. I knocked on the door and waited,
knowing that unless it was Alice answering, I was probably going to get the door
slammed back in my face.

And then Bella opened the door. She stuck her head through without opening it the
whole way, and when she saw it was me, her face instantly drooped.

“Hi.” She walked away from the door with a sigh, leaving it open.

Besides for Bella, who had taken a seat at the dining room table and was typing
something on her laptop, there was no one around that I could see.

“Where’s Rose?” Bella kept typing without looking up at me.

“Why would Rose want to talk to you?”

“Is she in her room?” Without letting her answer, I booked it toward the hallway and
stopped in front of Rosalie’s door. I knocked lightly and heard her voice on the other
side.

“Come in.” She sounded tired. I pushed the door open slowly and watched as her eyes
bugged out of her head. “Get out!”

“No.” I shut the door lightly behind me and sat on the foot of her bed. She was laying
under the covers, still clearly not showered from the night before. “And don’t yell,
Bella’s out there.”

Rose sat up and rubbed her eyes, waiting for me to say something. “Why are you here?
What could you possibly want?”

“I came to say… sorry, I guess. And thank you. I don’t know what the fuck happened
yesterday, and I probably never will, but for some reason Jasper said that you helped
me. And you were the last person I ever expected to do anything nice for me… so
thanks.”

Rose pushed her hair behind her ear and sighed. “I’d say your welcome, but I didn’t do
it for you. I did it for Emmett. You owe him the apology.”

“No, Emmett does this shit for me all the time. It’s nothing new.”

“Maybe that’s the problem, Edward.” I shrugged, avoiding eye contact with her. “I
mean, if what I saw yesterday was any indication of what Emmett usually goes through
with you, then I don’t know how he hasn’t given up on you already. Because I couldn’t
do that, day after day.”

“He’s my family. He doesn’t have a choice.”

“Yes he does. Do you know what your father said to him the other day, when the two of
you went there for dinner?” I thought back to two days before, when my Dad had pulled
Emmett into his office. I figured it was along the lines of ‘watch your brother and I’ll
buy you a new car’ or something.

“What?”

“Carlisle’s noticed how your behavior is taking a toll on Emmett. He told him to give
up, and stop trying to protect you. To let you figure shit out on your own, and
eventually you’d hit rock bottom and be forced to change. But Emmett would never do
that.”

Fuck. I knew that it was coming eventually. My parents were trying everything they
could to help me, including trying to make Emmett abandon me. That shit bothered me
more than I expected it to.

“Look, I’ll talk to Emmett. And I’m going to try and… change, okay? But do me a
favor, and keep what happened yesterday between us? Don’t tell Alice, or Bella, or-”

“What kind of a person do you think I am, Edward?” She moved further down onto her
pillow and pulled the blanket up to her neck. “I’d rather not talk about it or even think
about it again.”

“Okay. Thanks.” And with that I moved farther up the bed and wrapped my arms
around her shoulders without giving her a chance of pushing me away. And then I felt
her hands pressing up against my back and I realized… she was hugging me back.

There was now an unspoken bond between the two of us. She was a part of my fucked
up world, and that made her understand me more.

I slipped out of the door and walked hesitantly toward Bella, realizing what the next
thing I had to do was. She stopped typing when she heard my footsteps coming toward
her, but she didn’t look at me. I took the seat across from her and drummed my fingers
on the tabletop.

“Are you starting your book?” Bella took a deep breath and nodded.

“I’m brainstorming. And taking notes.” I nodded back at her, surprised she’d even
answered me.

“Can I… uh… talk to you? About last night?” She licked her lips and snapped her
laptop shut. I watched as she rested her head on her hand and twirled a strand of her hair
around her finger. She looked so amazing. “I don’t remember anything, really, but I do
have these flashes of you yelling at me. So I’m assuming that means I did something
wrong.”

Bella shrugged and shook her head. “Not really. I was just drunk. I’m over it.”

“You’re over it?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. I don’t care.” Huh. She sounded pretty convincing. “I mean, look at
you. Should I really be surprised that you were doing… what you were doing with her?
It‘s my fault, I‘m stupid for-”

“Wait, hold on. What exactly was I doing?” Her cheeks turned bright red and she
looked down at the table.

“The model? You were-” Shit. I held up my hand, realizing suddenly what she was
talking about. Tanya, the girl from the photoshoot yesterday. I was so fucked up that I
was probably tonguing and groping her right in front of Bella. I probably forgot Bella
was even going to be there.

“Look. If it means anything at all to you, know that I wasn’t myself last night. I had a
really good time with you yesterday, in my normal state of mind I’d never do anything
that… stupid. The only reason I went to that dumb fucking party was to see you, and I
ended up drinking too much, and… I’m so sorry. Just believe me.”

“It’s fine, Edward. You don’t need to apologize to me.”

“So, we’re good?”

“Yeah.” She opened up her laptop and continued with what she was doing before.

“I’m gonna go. I’ll see you soon, okay?” Bella frowned as I stood up from the chair.

“I don’t know, Edward.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re cool and everything, but I think it’ll just be better for me right now to listen to
Rose and Alice and… stay away from you. Just for right now. Maybe we can be friends
sometime in the future.”

I stood there, feeling like a fucking idiot. Everyone hated me right now including Bella,
the only person who’d ever just given me a chance before criticizing me. And I ruined
everything. I was too emotionally drained to argue and I still hadn’t even talked to
Emmett yet. So I tried to keep any bit of dignity I had left and I just nodded before I
walked out.

“Fine. Bye, Bella.”

Forgiveness

BPOV

It had been five days since I’d told Edward I didn’t want to see him again. He’d called
me twice but I didn’t pick up. I had to stand my ground and respect myself. No
respectable person would let someone walk all over them like that and just be okay and
pretend like nothing had happened. Right? Right.

I’d spent the week walking around the streets, trying to find my way around. I fell in
love with New York. Sure, I’d had a rough start, but it was hard to be upset in a place
that was so amazing. I had breakfast at a different café every morning. I rode every
subway to try and memorize the stops. I’d been to seven museums. Alice even took me
shopping on Madison Avenue and surprised me with a purse I’d admired in Chanel.
And I’d returned to the bridge twice, since it was by far my favorite place I’d been to.
Edward was right about that.

Rose and Alice had kept me entertained by taking me out every night, either to dinner or
some lounge or bar for drinks. Either Emmett or Jasper had been around almost every
day, with no sign of Edward or even a mention of him. I’d been so preoccupied with
enjoying my new life that I’d almost completely put him out of my mind.

Until now.

I returned to our building from an afternoon of sitting in Central Park. I’d brought my
Macbook with me in case I saw anything that was worth remembering, but the sun was
so bright and the wind was blowing just enough to keep me comfortable, so I just sat on
the lawn for a few hours, enjoying the weather.

I juggled my laptop in one hand and my Starbucks and my purse in the other, trying to
grab the mail out of our box. Luckily, the doorman saw me struggling and slipped the
stack of mail under my arm. This meant Rose or Alice had yet to come home for the
day. I skipped off the elevator and pushed open the door, dropping everything on the
table in the entranceway. That’s when I saw it.

It was a simple, yellow catalog envelope with no address. On the front of the envelope,
in impeccable penmanship, ‘Bella’ was written. It weighed almost nothing. I knew it
was from him before I even opened it.

I tore open the envelope and pulled out the contents. It was a glossy black and white
picture of me that Edward had taken that day at the bridge. It was a profile shot of me,
and my hair was blowing behind me. The skyline was clearly visible and the lights from
the bridge made it look like I was almost… glowing. I thought back to the moment the
picture was taken and I smiled. I was so happy right then, and so excited about what
was to come. And Edward knew that. I stared at the picture for what seemed like forever
before realizing that if Alice or Rose walked in I’d have to make up a lie on the spot and
I sucked at that.

When I flipped the picture over there was a post-it it note stuck to the back of it. I
peeled it off and held it in front of my face.

Bella,

I was printing out pictures and saw this on my camera. I thought you’d like to have it.
Hope you’re doing well.

Edward

I loved the picture so much. And it was such a thoughtful thing to do for someone who
was so… inconsiderate. Ugh. I didn’t know what to do. I did enjoy Edward as a person,
and I would’ve loved to be friends with him, but I knew that would be too hard for me. I
was attracted to him, more than I should have been, and if I got close to him and had to
keep seeing him with other women it was going to drive me into a depression.

After I tossed my laptop, the picture, and the rest of my mail on my bed, I decided to
contemplate this whole situation with a cold shower. It had gotten muggy outside on my
walk back to the apartment, and I was sure it was going to rain soon.

When I left the bathroom, I heard voices quietly talking in the living room. I ran to my
room, hid the picture, and threw on a white tank top and my ripped denim shorts. It was
too hot for anything else, and I wanted to show off my tan. I started brushing my wet
hair on the walk to the living room. When I got there, I realized it was Rosalie and
Emmett who were talking to each other. Emmett’s voice immediately cut off when he
saw me and he smiled.

“What up. You got sunburned.” I frowned and sat at Rose’s feet, handing her the brush.

“I like to call it ‘tan’, thanks.”

Rosalie brushed the knots out of my hair, huffing and making comments about me
going bald if I didn’t use better product. Whatever. She’d been in a really good mood
for the past few days, so I didn‘t want to give one of my usual sarcastic comments in
fear of her going into bitch mode.

“We can do whatever you want, Rose. If you want to go, I can just tell him-” Rosalie
cut Emmett off with a wave of her hand.

“Okay. I don’t care either way.” Rose handed me the brush as she finished up with my
hair. “Bella, we’re going to meet Jasper and Alice for dinner. Are you coming?”

“No, count me out. I’m exhausted, I just want to go to bed early.” So, it was kind of a
lie. I really was exhausted, but I had decided what I was going to do about Edward, so I
figured it would be way easier to sneak around if everyone else was out.

“Is everything okay?” Rosalie was so damn intuitive. She always knew when something
was wrong. I thought I’d done a pretty good job acting like I was fine.

“Yeah. Why?”

“You’ve been quiet the past couple of days, and…” Rose’s voice trailed off at the end.

“You guys are wearing me out. I’m walking around the city all day and drinking all
night. I think it’s just catching up to me.”

“Oh.” She shrugged and stood up from the sofa. “I’m just gonna change, Emmett. I’ll be
right back.” She sauntered out of the room and I laughed.

“Hah! ‘I’ll be right back.’ That’s funny.”

Emmett smirked and moved from his spot on the chair so he was sitting next to me.
“Speaking of funny, Bella…”

I frowned at him. “What? Did I do something?”

“I don’t know? Did you?” Uhh, okay. Emmett was acting a little weird. He stared at me,
still smirking. I watched as he took a deep breath and tossed his feet onto our poor little
coffee table. “I stopped by baby brother’s apartment this morning and saw something
that I thought was pretty interesting.”

I stared at him, expressionless. “I’m lost.”

He chuckled and shoved me playfully. “Sure you are. Lucky for you, I’ve decided not to
tell Rose about my little observation. When is that picture even from?”

I sighed, pretty sure that Edward had told Emmett everything. I honestly believed him
when he said he wouldn’t tell Rose, and it felt good to talk to someone about it. So, I
spilled. “I was with him for a little while last week. The night of that model… party…
thing, whatever. Earlier that night. Anyway, it wasn’t a big deal. And I haven’t really
talked to him since then anyway, so there’s nothing to tell.”

Emmett took in everything I told him, shaking his head. “So, you went on a date with
him, and then you saw him later that night with a girl?” I nodded. “He’s such a fucking
idiot. I’m sorry, Bella. It wasn’t you, that’s just how he is. He doesn’t care about
anyone’s feelings-”

“It’s fine. Really, I’m okay.”

“This is why I didn’t want you guys talking to each other in the first place. He just… he
isn’t himself right now.”

I shrugged and slapped my hands against my knees. “Yeah, yeah, I get it. I’m sick of all
the ‘troubled Edward cryptic talk’. He has issues, I get it… and I don‘t care. I like him.
I just want to be his friend. Please don’t say anything to Alice or Rose.”

Emmett gulped and shook his head again. “Bella, if you’re smart, you’ll stay away from
him.” We heard the door to Rosalie’s room open so he ended the conversation. “I just
don’t want so see him do something bad to you.”

Rosalie strolled into the room, her heels clicking against the ground. “Ready?” Emmett
nodded and stood up. “Bella, we’ll be back later. Call me if you need anything. And if
you decide you want to come, we’ll be at Delicatessen. Bye!” The two of them walked
out, Emmett turning to glance at me before he closed the door.

I didn’t care what he said. I was going to do what I wanted, and what I felt was right for
me. I threw on a gray zip-up and a pair of Rose’s sandals that were by the door and I
grabbed my laptop before I rushed out.

It took me longer to get to Edward’s then I expected. I didn’t remember his address, so I
explained the building and what was around it to the cab driver the best I could. I'm
pretty sure he hated me. I recognized Edward's street when we got to it, so I hopped out
of the cab before the driver murdered me and threw me in the river. Of course, it was
just my luck that the second the cab drove away, there was a huge boom of thunder and
it started down pouring. I ran to his building, trying to shield my laptop from getting
wet with my sweater.

When I finally reached the lobby I was thoroughly drenched. It worked in my favor
though, because the doorman let me by. I thought it was because he felt sorry for me,
until I got upstairs. I knocked harder than necessary on Edward’s door since the
apartment was so damn big. I wanted to be sure he heard me.

After a few seconds, he yanked the door open with a yawn. His eyes nearly popped out
of his head when he saw it was me. Even though it was obvious he’d just woken up, he
still looked like he stepped right out of friggen GQ. Great. Then there was me, who
shows up uninvited and looking like a wet cat.

“I love the picture.” I couldn’t think of an icebreaker, so I spit out the first thing that
came to mind. He stood there, dumbfounded before stepping to the side and pulling the
door open without a word. I trotted inside and put my bag and my laptop on the kitchen
island. “So. Are you busy right now?”

He frowned and shook his head. “Not that I don’t love company- especially when they
come wearing transparent clothes,” He pointed at my tank top. Ahhh, that was why the
doorman let me up. Pervert. “But, why are you here?”

“Uhh… I was in the neighborhood?” He raised an eyebrow at me. “Okay. Fine. I want
to be friends. I’m sick of being the fifth wheel and I don’t know anyone else in the city
to hang out with, okay?”

Edward shrugged. “That’s cool. Do you, um… want a dry shirt or something?”

Embarrassing. Edward left the room and came back with some plaid button up thing. I
went to the bathroom to change into it. As I looked around at the immaculate bathroom,
I gasped.

“You have a Jacuzzi tub!” I heard him laughing outside. “Do you ever use this?”

“No.”

I took my sopping wet clothes off and threw them in his hamper. When I put on his
shirt, I couldn’t help but stand there and smell it. It was amazing. Then I felt like an
asshole for sniffing his wardrobe when he himself was right in the other room, so I
pranced outside.

“So, Eddie. Did you have plans for tonight?” He was flopped on his sofa flipping
through the channels, his feet resting on an ottoman.

“No. And if you ever call me Eddie again I’ll throw you off the balcony.”

“Sorry. Edward.” I grabbed my laptop off the counter and joined him on the sofa.

“What are you doing, Bella?”

I peeked over the top of my screen and smiled. “Working on my book.”

“No.” He pushed the top of the laptop shut. “Why are you here, being… normal to me?”

“What do you want me to do, Edward? Be spiteful forever?” I took a deep breath and
put my hand on his leg. “Look, it’s not like we were… dating. I had no right to get so
angry. You made an attempt to talk to me today, and I don’t see any reason why we
can’t be friends. So… uh, that’s why I’m here. Did I mention I really loved the
picture?”

He didn’t smile back at me. He just stood there, looking at me blankly.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I just… you. You’re an amazing person.” I felt my cheeks grow warm. “I’ve never met
anyone like you. I don’t deserve it.”

I laughed and scrunched my nose at him. “Don’t get all sappy.”

We didn’t mention any of the weekend’s events again. Edward sat and watched TV
while I worked on my book, answering questions that I asked him about proper

vocabulary and giving me ideas of things I could write about. He seemed happy, but
extremely tired. I noticed him nodding off more than once.

I don’t know why I acted the way that I did toward him. Of course, everything wasn’t
completely forgotten; I promised myself that in order for us to have any kind of
romantic relationship, he was going to have to prove to me that he was different. But
that was thinking too far into the future. I just wanted to enjoy the here and now, with
this person that I had such a strong connection to. It wasn’t every day that I met
someone who I’d immediately liked.

When it started to get late and I could see that Edward was visibly struggling to stay
awake, I got up to leave. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back to the sofa.

“Don’t go yet.”

So I didn’t. I grabbed a pillow and set it on Edward’s lap and I laid my head on it. He
didn’t move, or even try to touch me. We both fell asleep, just like that.

I awoke with a jump when I heard the door to Edward’s apartment slam. All the lights
suddenly went on and I craned my neck to see who it was. I felt Edward shift
underneath me, so I knew it wasn’t him.

“Bella!” Emmett’s voiced echoed throughout the apartment. I stood up and looked
around for a clock. 2:58. Shit. “You better go home. Alice and Rose are ready to call the
police. Call them and tell them you’re alright.”

I nodded while rubbing my eyes and made my way to the kitchen to grab my phone. Of
course there was a list of missed calls from Alice and Rose. I called Alice, knowing
she’d bitch at me less.

“Bella! Oh my GOD where were you? We’re freaking out-”

“I’m fine. I got bored so I went and walked around. And I saw a midnight movie and
then I stopped at a diner to get something to eat. I’m about to get in a cab now.” I was
impressed at my lying abilities right then, especially since I was half asleep. I spent so
much time walking around the streets lately that it was easy for me to make up a lie
about stuff that actually existed.

“Why didn’t you answer your phone? Or call us? We were so worried…”

“Sorry. I put my phone on silent for the movie. You know how I am, I get so wrapped
up in stuff that I just forget-”

“Whatever. I’m just happy you’re okay. We’re going to bed so I’ll see you in the
morning, okay?”

After Alice hung up, I walked back into the living room to say bye and thanks to
Emmett. He was standing there, just staring at Edward who’d fallen back asleep. The
way he was looking at him reminded me of the way a parent looks at their kid when

they’re sleeping. I didn't understand what was going on at all. I stood next to him and
whispered so that I wouldn’t wake Edward up.

“Sorry you had to come here, Emmett. Thanks for not telling them.” He nodded and
pointed at Edward.

“Where did you guys go tonight?”

“Nowhere.”

Emmett frowned and took a step closer to him. “So, you stayed in… what time did you
get here?”

“Honestly? I left right after you guys did for dinner.”

Emmett just stood there and stared at Edward in amazement. “How was he acting? Was
he okay?”

“Yeah, he was fine. Just really tired. Why?” I didn’t know what the hell was so
interesting about the fact that Edward was sleeping on his damn couch, but I didn’t
press into it.

“Huh.” Emmett ignored me and scratched his head, like he was thinking about
something. He turned away from Edward and grinned at me. “Come on, we’ll share a
cab home.”

Family

EmPOV

Friday dinners were a Cullen family tradition that my parents had started when I moved
out. Actually, it was more like a rule than a tradition. Our parents forced us to have
dinner together as a family once a week because they claimed that it was important we
all spend a little bit of time together now that everyone was so busy. Edward & I always
hated that they made us do it on Fridays. Why not a Monday or Wednesday or
something? Why the weekend? So, at first we tried to make it interesting. When Edward
was still living at home, he’d prepare in advance and do stuff like replace our glasses of
water with glasses of Grey Goose when we weren‘t old enough to drink yet. Or he’d
organize Esme’s figurines in the China cabinets into sexual positions so I’d notice it in
the middle of dinner and have to fight back laugher the rest of the time. When he moved
out, I’d meet him at his apartment and we’d smoke up before we went and then we
actually enjoyed dinner. He was the only way I didn’t lose my mind, sitting there with
Esme and Carlisle while they asked little questions and criticized everything about our
lives.

Of course, that was before Edward was the way he is now. That was when he was
himself; funny, smart, witty, a little bratty, but altogether harmless. Now he was totally
out of control. Friday dinners had become a way for my parents to check up on Edward,
because it made them feel better about what was going on. If Edward was able to
uphold his obligations every week, then he couldn’t be that bad. Of course, add in the

fact that Carlisle threatened Edward’s apartment if he didn’t show up, and therefore
threatened to take his independence from him so he basically had no choice but to be
there. Esme wasn’t aware of their little deal, but I was. I didn’t say anything to her. For
me, it was good that he was there because that meant he wasn’t somewhere else. He
wasn’t getting into trouble. He wasn’t dead. I knew where he was, and I knew he was
alright. It was an hour of the week that I knew I didn’t have to worry.

I missed my brother a lot. I missed the Edward that would unlock the front door after
our parents went to sleep so I could sneak back into the house. I missed the Edward that
would go on my laptop and fix my term papers without me asking because he knew I
couldn’t write as well as he could. I missed the Edward that would draw perverted
pictures on the dry erase board in Carlisle’s office. I missed my best friend. All that was
left of him now was a shell of what he used to be. A careless, unsympathetic, hurtful
and ignorant shell of the person he once was.

I could’ve abandoned Edward the way everyone else had. I could’ve threatened him and
tried to force him into going back to the way that he was. I knew better, though. I knew
that if I put up with his cruel remarks, his stupid choices and his constantly selfish
behavior that he’d know I was loyal to him and that there was nothing he could do that
would make me turn my back on him. That way, he’d spend more time with me and less
time with… them.

I was the only person who was completely sympathetic to Edward’s behavior because I
saw firsthand what made him the way he is, and no one else did. He was under constant
pressure from my parents his entire life. While they unconditionally supported my
constant C’s in school, a B for Edward would get him grounded. While they welcomed
any girl I’d ever brought home, anyone that Edward had ever shown interest in was
never good enough for him and constantly intimidated by Esme. And when I decided
not to go the traditional route of college and I invested my tuition money that Carlisle
had put aside for me into opening my own garage, they were perfectly okay with it.

But, when Edward had decided to go to Parsons, a reputable school for photography,
shit hit the fan. Our parents wanted him to go to Columbia, and follow in Carlisle’s
footsteps and become a surgeon, but Edward decided against it. It was the ballsiest thing
I’d ever seen someone do. They threatened to kick him out of the house, they refused to
pay for his schooling, and they took away his car and all his credit cards. Which, for
someone who’d grown up spoiled to death was a big deal. I was already living on my
own by then, and they even threatened that if Edward were to come and live with me,
they would completely cut me off too. Edward didn’t want to involve me so he went
and stayed with Jasper, and eventually when they realized he wasn’t giving in, Esme
cried and compromised with him and he got what he wanted. I didn’t think he cared that
much about photography- yeah, he was really good at it, but he was good at everything
he did. I think it was more to prove a point to them. Had they been accepting of what he
wanted to do, he probably would’ve gone to med school like they asked. I couldn’t
imagine having to live the way he did all the time. It was like nothing he did was ever
good enough for them. I’d confronted them once about the way they treated him, but
Carlisle didn’t seem phased but what I said.

“Emmett, you do the best that you can. Edward doesn’t. We know he can do better. All
we ask of the two of you is that you live up to your full potential.”

What-the fuck-ever. I completely blame them for the way he is now. They helped in
pushing him over the edge.

It had been two weeks since the last time we had dinner. Last week Carlisle and Esme
had to go to some benefit dinner for the hospital, so they cancelled. That was the night
that I found Bella at Edward’s apartment. I was completely shocked at what I‘d seen.

I was sure that after that last ‘incident’- which, by the way, happened to be the day after
our last family dinner- that shit was going to hit an all time low. I knew it was wrong,
but I completely lost my cool and I flipped out on him. But he’d brought Rose into his
bullshit, and I never realized how awful things were until an outsider saw them. She was
terrified. I was sure that night was going to have a lasting effect on our relationship.
Surprisingly, though, Rose and Edward had talked and she seemed to have nothing bad
to say about him. She was only concerned that he was okay. After that, I’d seen Edward
much less than I had in a long time, but he was… different. And I’m pretty sure it was
related to Bella.

“How’s work going, Edward?” Carlisle seemed to be in a good mood today. I think it
was because Edward had actually eaten his food instead of just moving it around with
his fork.

“It’s fine.” He shrugged without looking up from his plate. Maybe it wasn’t the best
response, but it was better then whatever sarcastic remark we’d gotten used to him
spitting out. Carlisle appreciated that, and he left him alone.

“So, Rosalie. Emmett says that one of your friends from home moved in with you and
Alice?” Esme changed the subject before anyone could push any further into Edward.

“Yes, our other best friend, Bella. She just graduated also, and we really missed her and
had an extra bedroom so…” Rose grinned and took a sip of her wine. Both of my
parents really adored Rose. At first they were apprehensive when they found out she
was a model that I'd met through Edward, but when they saw how smart and polite she
was and how much she cared about me they couldn’t pass judgments on her. Carlisle in
particular really liked her.

“How does she like New York?” Carlisle asked with genuine curiosity. I think he just
liked the fact that people were actually talking today and we weren’t all sitting in
silence waiting for an Edward outburst.

“She loves it actually. We barely see her. She’s helping out Alice at her boutique but
when she isn’t she’s always out exploring the city.” I saw Edward smirk at that.
Luckily, Rose didn’t notice. I gulped down the remnants of my drink to stifle a laugh.

I knew damn well what Bella had done with most of her free time the past week. And it
involved Edward. I’d talked to her about it a couple times, and it was nothing romantic,
but she claimed she felt bad always intruding on my time with Rose and since Alice and
Jasper were just starting out she didn’t want to intrude on them either, so she’d been
dragging Edward along while she toured the city. I was pretty apprehensive when I‘d
seen a picture of her at Edward‘s apartment one morning, but only because I’d seen
what he does to people. And it’s never good.

But, after I found her asleep at his apartment later that night, and I realized it was
Friday, and he was home, asleep, without me following him around all night and
keeping him out of trouble, it changed my perspective on the situation a little. He liked
her. Maybe she could be the one to change him. Maybe he’d do it for her.

Of course, Bella was absolutely clueless as to what kind of problems Edward really had.
But she’d find out… eventually. I was dreading the day that Rose found out they’d been
seeing each other, especially if she found out that I knew all along and didn’t tell her. I
wasn’t completely comfortable with the whole thing, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to just
see what would happen.

“I’m gonna make myself a drink, does anyone want one?” I raised my glass as Edward
stood up and walked into the kitchen. When he was out of earshot, Esme leaned over
the table and whispered.

“Edward looks different.” Rose and I looked at each other. I shrugged at my mother,
and Rose just looked down at her food, not answering. “Emmett? Is he doing okay?”

I wanted to reassure my mother and let her know that Edward was no worse than usual.
But, it was too hard to infer that to her without telling her how I knew he was fine with
Rose sitting next to me. Keeping everyone’s secrets was starting to be a real fucking
hassle.

“He’s fine, Mom. I tell you every time, he’s fine.”

“He’s not fine, Emmett.” Carlisle criticized my choice of words.

“Okay. He’s alive.” Esme gulped at my harsh expression and sat back in her chair as the
sound of Edward’s footsteps came closer. He plopped back down on his chair and slid
the drink across the table to me.

After a couple minutes of uncomfortable silence, Edward finished his drink and dropped
his fork in his plate. We all stared as he stood up to leave.

“Sorry to walk out on dinner, but I have to go meet someone.”

“No, Edward. You can leave when we’re finished.” Carlisle stood up to challenge
Edward, expecting an argument. Instead, Edward just looked at me, eyes pleading.

“Dad, it’s okay. Let him go. I know who he’s meeting.” Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie
suddenly all snapped their heads toward me.

Edward didn’t tell me where he was going, but Bella was all excited about going to
some boring ass exhibit at the MoMA that started at eight. That shit had Edward written
all over it. Lucky for Bella, Alice or Rose wouldn’t be caught dead at an art exhibit so
they didn‘t offer to accompany her. It was 7:40 and I’d noticed that Edward had looked
at the clock three times in the last 15 minutes.

Carlisle looked at Esme and then back at Edward, contemplating what to do.

“Why can’t I go? I got here on time. I barely said anything the entire time I was here. I
ate your fucking food since you all have a fit every time I’m not hungry. I’m not doing
anything bad. Just let me go.”

Carlisle just nodded his head, allowing him to leave. Edward hopped out of his chair,
kissed Esme on the top of the head, and waved at me and Rosalie.

“I’ll see you guys later.”

The four of us sat and finished our dinner without another mention of Edward. When
Esme went off to make coffee, Carlisle looked to me and Rose for answers.

“You two know something. What’s going on?” I heard Rose’s foot tapping nervously
against the leg of her chair. I tried to think of what to say in order to best defend
Edward. It felt good to see him happy. Or happier then he normally was, at least.

“There was another… accident a couple of weeks ago.” I knew my words were going to
piss off Carlisle, but it was the best way to explain things without giving up anything
about Bella. Rosalie’s face twisted at the memory of that night. I saw Carlisle’s face go
red, and his hands tightened around the edge of the table.

“What do you mean, accident?”

“It was my fault. We went out together, and I saw that he drank too much, and instead
of taking him home we stayed… I lost sight of him and Rose found him outside. She
tried to make him stay but she couldn’t get in touch with me so she got in the cab with
him-”

“Rosalie.” Rosalie gulped and nodded at Carlisle. “Why, Rosalie? Why would you do
that?”

“I don’t know! He was just… such a mess, and I knew that Emmett would freak out if
he couldn’t find him, and I figured that at least if I was with him I could keep trying to
call Emmett and tell him where we were.”

Carlisle’s breathing became heavy. He pointed his finger at Rosalie, who was near tears,
and shook his head.

“Rose, look at me. Don’t you ever, ever, do that again! You hear me? It’s one thing for
me to feel guilty if something is to happen to Edward. It’s completely another thing for
something to happen to someone else's child because of him. I’d never forgive myself.”

We both sat there while Carlisle put his head in his hands with aggravation. He
mumbled a bunch of stuff under his breath, but the only words I could make out were
‘ridiculous’, ‘jail’, and ‘funeral’.

“Dad, just let me finish.” Carlisle smoothed his hair back and stared at me. “Yeah, it
was... bad, okay. It was the first time that Rose had seen him like that. She didn’t know
where he was going. It isn’t her fault. Anyway, we think it’s a good thing that she saw

what happened. Edward felt horrible about it and I think it may have woken him up a
little bit.”

Carlisle’s breathing became normal again. He sighed and closed his eyes, deep in
thought.

“Emmett, I told you what was going to happen if Edward did this again.”

“I know, Dad. Just give him this last chance. He told Rose he was going to change. It
looks like he’s making a little bit of an effort. That’s all we can hope for right now,
right?”

Esme came back into the room, carry a tray of coffee. I walked over and grabbed it out
of her hands, eager to end the conversation with Carlisle.

“Rose, can we talk in my office?” Rosalie looked at Carlisle, and then at me. She knew
what he was going to ask her, and I knew she didn’t want to tell him.

“Okay.” She hesitantly pushed her chair back and followed Carlisle into the other room.
Esme looked up from pouring the coffee and frowned at me.

“What happened?”

“Nothing. I think he just wants to talk to her about Edward.”

Carlisle and Rose never came back. Esme and I sat in silence after we finished our
coffee. After almost an hour, I decided I wasn’t going to wait anymore.

“Mom, I’m gonna get Rose and go.” She knew something was up. I hugged her and left
her sitting at the dining room table, looking completely baffled.

I knocked on the door to Carlisle’s office before I pushed it open. Rosalie was sitting in
one of the chairs across the desk from him, sobbing. I took a deep breath and grabbed
her arm, helping her up.

“Come on, we’re going.” Carlisle didn’t say anything. I stared at him, shaking my head.
“Did you really have to make her cry?”

“Emmett, this isn’t a joke. This is my child! I can’t stand idly by and just let this happen
anymore.” He was infuriated. I suddenly regretted saying anything in the first place.

“This is happening, okay? It’s happening, and when it started, the two of you turned the
other cheek because you were in denial that your precious little baby could be doing
something so awful. You’ve done nothing but make the situation worse. So stand back
and let me handle things.”

“You aren’t handling anything, Emmett. You can’t protect him every second of the
day.”

“And you think you can? Taking his apartment and making him feel like a prisoner here
is just going to make things worse! I’m done talking about this, Dad. Just stay out of it.”

I yanked Rosalie a little harder then necessary out of the office and through the front
door. When we got outside, I wiped the tears off her cheeks and held her face in my
hands.

“I’m sorry, Rose. I’m sorry I brought you into this.”

“It’s not your fault, Emmett. It’s just so… sad.”

“I know.” I pulled a strand of her hair out of her face that was stuck there with tears and
we started walking to the corner to get a taxi home.

Tempers and Kisses

BPOV

“What do you think?” I held up two dresses, one in each hand. Edward looked at both
and shrugged.

“I don’t know. Blue.” I rolled my eyes and pulled the blue dress off the hanger. He
watched as I stripped off the dress that was already on the mannequin and replaced it
with the new one. “Here, I have to go. I‘ll be back later.”

He shoved a cup of coffee into my hand and started toward the door.

“Um, hello? What’s your problem?” I’d started to get used to Edward’s ever changing
moods, among other things, and although I was pretty sure that they weren’t related to
me, I still had to ask.

“Nothing. I just have to go meet someone.”

“Who?” I dropped the one dress that was still in my hand onto the counter and put my
hands on my hips.

“Bella, what do I always tell you? Shut the fuck up and mind your business.” He stuck
his arm out and shoved the door so it slammed against the wall outside with an
earsplitting bang before he left. A customer in one of the dressing rooms stuck her head
outside and frowned.

“Sorry!” I took a deep breath and looked over the list of things to do before I closed the
store that Alice had left for me.

It had been three weeks since I had gone and made up with Edward. I was content with
my decision to be friends with him, despite how hard it was. In some ways, the whole
thing had worked out exceptionally well so far. Kind of. Of course, it wasn’t a
traditional friendship, but I’d known that getting into it. There was a reason why Rose
and Alice didn’t want me around him and I was starting to understand it more and more.
For them, it wasn’t just about his promiscuity, it was about the way he treated people.

Of course, they still had no idea that I’d ever been alone with him. It did make me feel
slightly better that Emmett seemed to be warming to the whole thing. It was nice to have
at least one person on my side.

Unfortunately, I discovered there was a dark side to Edward. And that side was present
often. I’d stopped making forthcoming plans with him when he’d cancelled on me at the
last minute on more than one occasion. He was constantly exhausted and he fell asleep
at odd times, like at two in the afternoon, when I knew for a fact that he’d woken up at
11:30. I rarely saw him eat anything and when I inquired once he said that he was
nauseous and to “shut up and mind my own fucking business.” He had severe mood
swings and I never knew what kind of mood I would catch him in, like today. But, I
took all those things with a grain of salt when I thought about the sweet things he did
for me and how amazing I felt being around him.

When he wasn‘t in one of his moods, Edward was the most intriguing person I’d ever
met, and one of the most thoughtful. He brought me with him to photoshoots and
explained everything that he was doing so that I would feel involved. I forced him to
come with me to all the typical tourist attractions around the city and he smiled and
pretended like he was having a good time, even though he made it clear he‘d been to all
the places on more than one occasion. He even bought me a rare edition of Sense and
Sensibility- which I’d mentioned once was my favorite book- that I was sure had to have
cost him hundreds of dollars. He always seemed to try and do little things to be
endearing, like bringing me coffee on a whim, or buying New York Magazine and
folding over pages of stuff that he thought would interest me. I realized that he did those
things a lot of the time to make up for when he was in a bad mood.

He hadn’t made another attempt to kiss me again, and he showed no signs of being
romantically interested in me at all, so I’d resorted to admiring him from afar. It was a
little discouraging, because in the back of my mind I’d tricked myself into thinking that
he did care about me, and that eventually our friendship would turn into something
more. So far, that wasn’t happening. I didn’t care though. I loved Edward’s company,
and I was pretty sure he liked mine, so as long as he kept calling me and asking me to
come around, I was going to do it.

Edward never came back to the store to get me, so I went back to my apartment. I
decided to do laundry to pass the time, so I gathered the huge pile that had been sitting
there for weeks and headed down to the Laundromat. While I was sitting and waiting
for my last load to dry, Edward finally called. Since he was in such a pissy mood
earlier, I almost let it go to voicemail just to teach him a lesson. But of course, I wussed
out and answered.

“Hello?” I tried to make my voice as unenthusiastic as I could.

“Hey. What’s wrong?” Hearing his voice gave me the chills. It always did. Even though
I was a little pissed at him for yelling earlier, I still couldn’t help it.

“Nothing. What’s up?”

“Where are you?”

“Uhh… doing my laundry.”

“Come here when you’re done.” I pulled my phone away from my face the check the
time. It was 11:15.

“No, Edward. You were supposed to meet me at the store over three hours ago. What
the hell?”

“I forgot. Just come here. And hurry up.” He hung up before I could get another word in
edgewise. I rolled my eyes as I pulled the dryer open and started folding the clothes,
which were still a little damp. I hauled the heavy basket back to our building, trying not
to trip on the sidewalk on the way there. As I started walking into the elevator, I heard
someone calling me.

“Bella! Wait up!” I spun around and saw Jasper jogging toward me. He hopped into the
elevator just as it was about to close. “Are you coming with us?”

I stared at him, confused. “Coming where?”

“They’re doing fireworks on the river at midnight! It’s Fourth of July, you know?” I had
yet to talk to Alice or Rose today, since neither of them were there when I got back to
the apartment.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I worked all day. I’m kind of tired.”

“Come on, Bella. We barely see you anymore.”

I realized that my spending time with Edward was taking away from my time with my
other friends, but I used the excuse that I didn’t want to be a third wheel in either of
their relationships. It was true; I felt bad that they were always trying to find things to
do that included me, instead of just spending time with each other. I’d convinced
Edward to come with Emmett and hang out with us at the apartment a few times, but it
was awkward for us to sit there and not talk to each other like we usually did. I felt like
Rose and Alice were already starting to get suspicious. Jasper still had no clue about
anything, which I liked because it was already problematic having Emmett know I was
seeing him. Anyway, I justified it in my mind that we were all happier doing things the
way we were doing them now.

When the elevator doors opened, my arms were already starting to go numb from
carrying the damn basket. Of course, on the first step I took the front of my shoe got
caught on the carpet and I stumbled forward, dropping the basket and all my laundry
across the hallway. Leave it to me to have my underwear sprinkled across the entire
fucking hall. Jasper broke out into hysterical laughter and was leaning against the wall,
shaking, while I just stood there, staring at the mess. I had no motivation to pick it up.

Eventually Jasper stopped being a douche bag and knelt down to help throw everything
back into the basket. He made little sarcastic comments about my choice of lingerie,
while still laughing at what an idiot I was. I realized then why him and Edward were
friends. When Edward was in a good mood, him and Jasper were so similar. The way
they laughed and their little quips. It made me feel like I knew Jasper much better.

Suddenly, I spotted something and I froze. I hopped over the basket and tried to reach
for it but it was too late. Jasper’s eyes were frozen on Edward’s shirt that he‘d let me
borrow the day it rained. He stared at it, then looked at me, then back at the shirt again. I
spun around so he couldn’t see my face and picked up the rest of the laundry that was
laying by my feet.

“Bella?” My face grew hot as I turned to face him, knowing I was caught. “Is this…
Edward’s shirt?”

“No.” I ripped it from his hands and tossed it in the basket. He stood up and scratched
his head, not moving his eyes from mine.

“That’s Edward’s. I know it is.”

“No, it’s not. Shut up.”

Jasper took a step closer to me, his eyes widening. “Oh, this is great. Alice is gonna
freak out when I-”

“NO!” I shouted at him, a little louder then I should have. I lowered my voice so no one
in the apartment could hear me. “Jasper, please. Do not tell her anything. Why do you
think Edward didn’t say anything to you? He didn’t want them knowing. Just… don’t.
Not yet.”

“So you two are knocking Converse? This is so fucked up! First Rose, then Alice, now-
”

“Shut up. It’s not like that.” Jasper found this whole thing to be completely humorous. I
don’t know why. I mean, Edward did bang his girlfriend.

“Whatever, Bella. You just didn’t strike me as that kind of girl.”

I furrowed my brow and squinted at him. “What kind of girl?”

“Uhh a girl that lets herself get used. Edward doesn’t get girlfriends, he bones a
different chick every day. Well, maybe not every day, but…” I felt rage growing in my
chest for some reason. Not at Jasper, just the whole situation. I had no clue what the hell
I got myself into.

“I don’t care, okay? I’m not doing anything with him, we’re just friends. Unless you say
something, in which case we won’t be anything anymore and I’m pretty sure that
neither will the two of you. And I‘ll hate you too.”

“Chill out, B. My lips are sealed.” Jasper punched my shoulder playfully and bent over
to carry my basket into the apartment. When we walked inside, Alice and Rose were
dressed and ready to go. Alice was clearly wasted, and Rose had a huge drink in her
hand.

“Bella!” Alice squealed when I walked into the living room. “Where were you?”

“Laundry.” I pointed at the basket Jasper was carrying. He walked into the hallway to
drop it off in my bedroom.

“Hurry up and have a drink! We have to leave!”

“It’s okay, I’m not gonna come. It was really busy at the boutique today, I’m tired.”

Alice pouted and pointed her finger at me. “Fine! But tomorrow, we’re having a girls
night. No excuses from you!” I nodded at her as Jasper and Emmett’s eyes burned into
me. Damn it, now they both knew. I might as well just post that shit in the New York
Times, because there was no way the two of them were keeping their mouth shut. Well,
Emmett maybe, but Jasper, definitely not.

“Oh, and Bella- you can lock the door. I’m staying at Emmett’s and Alice is staying at
Jasper’s.” Rose shouted from the kitchen.

I waited until everyone was definitely gone and far away from the building before I ran
downstairs and caught a cab. Yes, I was pathetic, but I didn’t give a shit. Edward was a
flake, and I liked him more because of it. In a way it was kind of exciting, because it
was like a constant game of hard to get.

When I got to his apartment, the door flew open and there he stood on the other side,
smiling in all his white t-shirt and sexed out hair glory. He had a bottle of Jack in his
hand and no shoes on.

“Come, on!” He flew out of my view, as I heard a huge booming sound outside. Edward
was standing on the balcony, staring up at the sky. The fireworks must have just started,
because I hadn’t seen them when I was in the cab.

I stood next to him and stared at his face every time the sky flashed. He was laughing,
and pointing and telling me what each kind of firework was called and how the show
was different from the previous years. He took pictures of the sky and the bridge and of
me, of course. He had been taking pictures of me so frequently that I barely even
noticed it anymore.

I’d never seen him so happy and in such a good mood before. Instead of questioning it, I
just stood there, appreciating the moment for what it was. We sat there on the edge of
the balcony and drank and smoked cigarettes and watched the rest of the fireworks,
laughing and talking the entire time. By the time the show was almost finished, I was
completely drunk and trying to stand as far as I could from Edward so I wouldn’t be
tempted to kiss him and embarrass myself or something. Instead, he pulled my body
closer to him and I leaned my head on his shoulder, watching the end of the fireworks. I
could’ve stayed like that for the rest of the night.

We went back inside when the sky became black again. The air conditioning in
Edward’s apartment was freezing compared to how warm it was outside, so I sat on his
sofa, shivering. Without me asking, he tossed me a sweatshirt and sat down next to me.

“Sorry about before.” I was surprised he’d brought it up. Usually when he freaked out
about stuff he didn’t mention it again.

“Don’t apologize. Just stop yelling at me for no reason.” He smirked as he flipped
through a magazine in his lap.

“It’s for a reason.”

“Really? What exactly did I do that I deserved to be cursed at and stormed out on?”
Edward looked at his phone, which had started ringing, and set it on the couch next to
him without answering. It was a girl calling, of course. Kate. That bitch. I’d seen her
calling him more than once, but Edward never picked up. There was also a Tanya,
Serena, Mary, Krista, and Deidre who constantly called. It was ridiculous.

“You know what you did. You’re nosy and you ask too many questions.”

I rolled my eyes at that and sighed. “Whatever, Edward. It’s like walking on friggen
eggshells with you all the time.”

“How do you figure?”

“Because! Look at you. I asked one little question before and you flipped. Any little
thing makes you tick, and I have no idea what so I have to watch everything I say in
case I offend you. Seriously, like you tell me to fuck off or mind my fucking business
numerous times per week.”

“Well maybe you should listen to me and do it.”

“Then tell me, Edward, what is my business exactly? I’m sick of the little secret
keeping, it’s so childish.”

“Okay, Bella. I said sorry, you’re supposed to say ‘it’s okay’and then be done with it.”

“Fine. It’s okay. Stop doing it.” He chuckled and continued turning the pages of the
magazine without looking up. “So, something happened today…” The serious tone in
my voice caught his attention.

“What now?”

“Uhh… so,” I clenched one of my eyes shut and spit the explanation out as fast as I
could. “I tripped coming off the elevator and dropped my laundry basket in the hallway
in front of Jasper and he saw your shirt so he knows something.”

Edward just sat there, still smirking. “I don’t care. It’s you who’s trying to keep this all
a secret.”

“Well, if you care about me at all then you should care that he knows.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because if he tells Alice then she’ll tell Rose and it won’t be pretty. I’m guessing that I
won’t be seeing you anymore.” Edward was silent. He sat there, thinking about what I’d
said for a minute, and he shrugged.

“I’m gonna take a shower. I’ll be quick.” He stood up from the sofa and trotted to the
bathroom, shutting the door behind him. I sat there, in Edward’s amazing smelling
sweatshirt, imagining him naked just a few feet away from me. I was such a pervert. I
had to restrain myself from going in there and joining him. We had drank too much, and
I was dizzy, so I rested my head on the arm of the sofa and drifted off to sleep.

When I heard him say my name, I thought I was still dreaming.

“Bella!”

I felt his warm hand on my shoulder, shaking me gently. I opened my eyes slowly, my
head still spinning.

“Bella, your friends are going to worry about you.”

“No.” I sat up and focused my eyes on his face. I could smell the soap and shampoo,
and he was freshly shaven.

“Come on. I’ll take the cab back with you.”

“No, they’re not coming home tonight. I don’t want to leave.” I tried to keep my eyes
open, but they shut against my will. I felt Edward’s arms slip underneath me and when I
forced my eyes open again he was carrying me to his bed, effortlessly. I put my arm
around his shoulder and leaned my head against his neck, breathing him in.

He set me down on the bed softly. While he was still hovered above me, I wrapped my
other arm around his neck and pulled his head toward me. I was done fighting it. As
soon as his lips met mine, I felt his tongue slip out of his mouth and slide against my
bottom lip. I kissed him furiously, releasing all the tension I’d been holding in for the
past month. My fingers wrapped around his soft, chaotic hair and moved down so that I
was grasping both sides of his face. I felt his warm breath in my mouth as he kissed me
back and moaned lightly into it. His hands slid hesitantly under the sweatshirt and up
my back, clenching handfuls of my skin.

His mouth worked its way from my lips, across my cheek and down my neck. His taste
stayed in my mouth; it was sweet, and minty and there was still a hint of whiskey in it.
As his lips moved gently from my neck to my collarbone, I sat up, letting his hoody fall
off my shoulders and onto the bed. He sat up and looked at me when I gripped my
hands around his and signaled for him to remove my shirt. He pulled his off right after
and I stared in awe at his perfect body. I put my palm against his hard chest and moved
it down to his rippled stomach, wanting to feel every part of him. I suddenly felt self
conscious as he gulped and stared at me, eyes wide. I realized that he wasn’t so much
criticizing me as he was admiring. He was waiting for my permission before he touched
me.

I couldn’t wait any longer, so I got onto my knees and threw myself into his again,
kissing and feeling and absolutely adoring everything about Edward. His warm, bare
chest pressing against my skin was one of the most incredible things I’d ever felt in my
life. At that moment, I didn’t care about anything. I didn’t care about what my friends

thought. I didn’t care about his problems. I didn’t care that there was a little voice inside
my head telling me that I was making a mistake. I just cared about him. About us.

I wanted more from Edward. Regardless of what Jasper had said before, all I wanted
was to sleep with Edward. I wanted to feel all of him. I slid my hands down to the
waistband of his sweatpants and I felt him freeze. He immediately pulled away from
kissing me and lifted my body up so he could slide out from under me. I sat there,
scowling at him, not understanding why he pushed me away.

“Bella, you’re drunk. I don’t want to do this like this.”

Yeah, I was drunk. But so what? I pouted and dug deep for something to make him
change his mind.

“Who cares? You sleep with all those other girls.”

Okay, not a good idea. His face suddenly got hard and he squinted at me.

“What other girls?”

“Jasper said-”

“What did I tell you in the beginning about listening to what other people said?” I
thought back to the first day I met him and sighed.

“Okay, even if I didn’t listen to Jasper. You have girls calling you all the time. I’ve seen
you all over girls when you’re out. What am I supposed to think?”

It was an honest answer. I mean, sure, I’d spent a lot of time with him lately, but not
enough to know what he did when I wasn’t around. Most of the time I’d leave when he
started to fall asleep, but he could’ve gotten up and gone out after I left. Or, on days
when I had to work and I didn’t see him or talk to him all day, he could easily be with
women then. Or even on the nights when I was with Alice and Rose and I couldn’t get
away from them long enough to talk to him, I had no clue who he was with or what he
was doing. It was completely logical for me to believe what everyone was saying. And I
hated the fact that he slept with all those other women so easily, but that he pushed me
away.

“I don’t want you to think that you’re like those other women. I’m not going to have sex
with you so soon… for you.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him the nastiest look I could manage.
“That’s the worst fucking excuse I’ve ever heard, Edward. I’m leaving.”

I grabbed my shirt angrily and threw it over my head. Edward walked over and stood
right in front of me and grabbed my wrists.

“You’re drunk. You’re not going anywhere. Come on.” He kissed my forehead lightly
and then pressed against my lips again. I contemplated what to do for a second, and I
decided to stay. I got back into the bed and pulled the blankets over me as Edward

walked around to the other side of the bed and slid next to me. I rested my head on his
chest and fell asleep listening to the sound of him breathing.

The sun streaming through the window interrupted my sleep. It took me a minute to
grasp where I was. When I looked to my right, I saw the back of Edward’s head. His
bronze hair was sticking up in different directions, but I was sure he still looked
beautiful. I watched in admiration as his bare back lifted slightly at every breath. My
eyes moved from his neck, down his spine, right to the small of his back, where he had
pushed the sheet down to. He was breathtaking. I peered around for a clock, realizing
that I had to get back home before Alice and Rose did. The alarm clock on Edward’s
nightstand read 8:32 AM. As softly as I could, I glided out of the bed as to not wake
him up, and dragged myself to the bathroom. My head was pounding, and there were
dark circles under my eyes. I brushed my teeth with Edward’s toothbrush and washed
my face with ice cold water. I threw my hair in a ponytail, which was the best I could do
without a brush or Rosalie around.

I made my way around the kitchen quietly, looking for coffee, when all of a sudden
there was a knock at the door. I ran to it and pulled it open, hoping it wasn’t Emmett or
Jasper and they were still at home sleeping with their girlfriends. And Emmett or Jasper
it was not.

A beautiful, middle aged woman with copper hair the same color as Edwards was
standing at the door, bewildered. Shit. The resemblance was obvious. There was no
doubt in my mind as to who it was.

“Umm… Hello.” I stepped back into the foyer in order to let her through the door. “I’m
Esme, Edward’s mother.”

“Hi!” I whispered, trying to alleviate the situation best I could. “I’m his friend, Bella.
It’s nice to meet you. Edward’s asleep, I don’t want to wake him up.” I grabbed one of
the two large grocery bags that were in her arms and set it on the counter.

“Bella? Are you… Rosalie’s friend?” How the hell did she know that? I nodded and
started to unpack the groceries onto the counter. “Oh. Okay. Well, I just wanted to drop
this stuff off for him. Edward never has food in the house.”

Esme glanced across the room to Edward’s bed and sighed. She turned back to me and
frowned.

“Did you sleep here?” I looked down at the floor, avoiding her glance. I’m sure it was
awkward for her, walking in to the apartment to find a girl that she thought spent the
night doing it with her son. This was the walk of shame 2.0. And I didn’t even get the
satisfaction of sex. “I mean, are you two… together?”

“No.” I spit my answer out quickly. “I slept here, but I didn’t… sleep here.” I made air
quotes around the second ‘sleep’. “Edward and I are just friends. That’s all.”

She nodded as she walked to the refrigerator to put the groceries away. “Okay, good. I
was worried. The last thing Edward needs right now is a girlfriend.” I didn’t know what

she meant by that, but I didn’t ask. “I’m glad he has a new friend. I thought he seemed
different the last couple times I saw him.”

That made me feel good. I didn’t know if it was me that was making some type of
impact on his life, but I was hoping that it was.

“Maybe you could come to dinner on Friday, Bella? That would be nice.”

I envisioned how uncomfortable dinner would be with Edward’s parents and Emmett. I
found it comical. “Sure, I’ll talk about it with Edward.”

“Great! I actually have to run- do you mind putting away the rest of this?”

I smiled and led Esme to the door. “Sure.”

“It was great to meet you, Bella.”

“You too.”

When the door slammed shut I heard Edward groan from across the room. I skipped
over to the bed and hopped on it, making his body bounce up.

“Who was here?”

“Uh, your mother. Thanks for warning me that she drops in occasionally. Good thing I
wasn’t walking around in my underwear.” He chuckled into the pillow and scratched at
the back of his head.

“She’s annoying.”

“She brought you groceries.”

Edward sat up and threw his legs over the side of the bed. With him facing away from
me, I was able to watch all the muscles in his back flex as he extended his arms and
stretched. Without saying anything he walked to the bathroom and turned the water on.
I walked in behind him and sat on the toilet, watching him brush his teeth.

“I used your toothbrush.” He pulled the toothbrush from his mouth and made a
disgusted face. “Oh, and your mom invited me to dinner on Friday.”

He spit into the sink and glared at me. “Huh?”

“I want to go. Emmett will be surprised to see me there.” He swished the water around
in his mouth and shrugged.

“I don’t care. You can come.” He ran his wet hands through his hair and shook them
around. When he turned to me he looked so stunning. I was extremely jealous of his
short morning routine. “Get out.”

I made a face at him as I strolled out of the bathroom. I gathered all my stuff that was
scattered around the apartment; my shoes, that were still on the balcony, my phone that
was on the kitchen counter, and my purse that was thrown behind the sofa. I was
finishing up with the groceries when Edward came out of the bathroom. He threw on a
grey v-neck and the same faded jeans he was wearing yesterday before coming into the
kitchen.

“I have to go home before Rose and Alice call the missing person’s squad. Hopefully
they’re not there yet because the first thing they’ll notice is that I’m wearing the same
clothes as I was last night.”

Edward poured two glasses of orange juice and handed one to me. “Yeah, I have stuff I
have to do today. We’ll share a cab, let me just grab my stuff.” He ran into the other
room and was back in a few seconds, keys and cell phone in hand and wearing black
converse. “Let’s ride.”

When the cab pulled up in front of my building, I looked at Edward and smiled.
“Thanks for last night. It was fun. Most of it, anyway.” He shook his head and followed
me out of the cab, telling the driver to wait.

“Don’t be mad at me. I just think… you should think about this. Me. Before you rush
into anything.”

“I’m not mad, Edward. I was drunk. It’s fine. And I know what I want.” I wrapped my
arms around his neck and he lifted me off my feet before kissing me gently. I watched
him ride off in the cab before I headed into the lobby.

When I got into the apartment, I went into the kitchen to take some well needed Motrin
and make coffee. Not two minutes later, I heard the front door slam unnecessarily hard.
Rosalie stormed into the room, throwing her keys onto the counter with a clang.

“Bella,” She stared at me, clearly livid. I was scared. “We need to talk.”

Ultimatum

RPOV

My first reaction when I saw Bella and Edward kissing in front of our building was pure
incomprehension. I didn’t know that the two of them had ever had more than a couple
of casual conversations with each other, and then there they were, getting out of a cab
together, smiling and kissing and… ugh. I didn’t understand what I was seeing.

My second reaction was to look at Emmett. That’s when I realized something was up.
He wasn‘t even trying to pretend like he was shocked. Instead of staring at them, he
grabbed me and pulled me out of view. And that was when I lost it.

I called Alice when Emmett and I got to Starbucks on Sunday morning to see if she
wanted anything. She was right down the block, around the corner from our apartment,
so she came and met us and got a cup of coffee to nurse her hangover. We left and
turned onto our street and that’s when we spotted them. Edward, his arms around her

waist and Bella’s around his neck, lips touching. I stopped dead in my tracks and gasped
before Emmett clapped his hand over my mouth and tugged me around the corner so I
couldn‘t see them anymore. Alice stayed next to Emmett the whole time, completely
confused.

Emmett was holding onto my wrists as I screamed profanities at him that made people
stop on the sidewalk and stare.

“Calm down! People are watching.”

“No, Emmett. Don’t tell me to calm down! Get the fuck off me! I’m going to talk to
her.” I tried pulling free, but Emmett didn’t loosen his grasp.

“This isn’t your business, Rose. Just let it go.”

I stared at him in disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? It’s not my
business?! She’s my best friend! If this isn’t my business then what is?”

“Not this. You’re overreacting. And you’re being psycho so just… stop. You need to
think for a minute.”

Instantly, I saw red. I clenched my jaw and spoke to Emmett between my teeth.

“How dare you?” I tried pulling away again, and this time he let me. “After everything
that I know, you accuse me of overreacting? I’m sorry, should I be like you and your
family and just deny the fact that Edward is completely and totally fucked up and let
him do whatever he wants? No. I’m not going to. He’s not going near my friend. This is
crossing the fucking line.” I took a few steps away from Emmett and then spun back
around to him. “How long did you know about this?”

Emmett looked down at his feet and frowned. “Since the beginning.”

Alice looked at him with sympathy. I knew Emmett tried as hard as he could to do what
was right. But his judgment of what was right and what was wrong when it came to
Edward was completely biased. I was so outraged that he had been lying to me for the
past month that I couldn’t feel sorry for him. Not then.

Without saying another word, I grabbed Alice’s arm and stalked away from Emmett,
toward our building. Alice turned her head around and waved at him, I guess to try and
show him that she wasn‘t a giant bitch like I was, but she had no clue what was going
on. She hadn’t seen Edward the way I had.

“Alice, listen to me. She can’t see him anymore.”

“Okay, no offense Rose, but I’m gonna have to go with Emmett on this one and say
you’re completely overreacting.”

“No, I’m not, okay? You have no clue as to what Edward is really like.”

“And you do?”

I yanked the door to the lobby open and stopped walking. I needed to think of a plan
before I went up there and confronted Bella. I wanted her to know that she had to stop
seeing him for herself, not for me. And I didn’t know how the fuck I was going to do
that without telling Bella and Alice why I was so against her seeing Edward. But, I had
to try.

The main motivating factor behind what I was about to do was that I couldn’t imagine
seeing Emmett doing what Edward had that night. It would’ve killed me. It broke my
heart, and Edward wasn’t my boyfriend. I didn’t even really like him, for that matter.
Bella was my best friend, and I couldn’t let that happen to her.

I looked at Alice and nodded. “I’ve seen him do terrible things to everyone… to you, to
me, to Emmett, to his family. I used to think he was just an asshole and that he had no
excuse for doing what he did. But recently, I’ve seen some shit and let’s just say… I
was very wrong.”

Alice knew me long enough to know that prying for information out of me was
pointless. So, she stared at me, confused but not questioning. This was really bad. I
didn’t remember when the last time was that I’d gotten so worked up over something in
front of her. She knew how serious this was. Alice wasn’t stupid. But, she knew that I
had an allegiance to Emmett that I had to uphold, and to be honest, I don’t think she
even wanted to know what was going on. I suddenly realized what it was that I had to
do.

“Listen, Alice. We’re going upstairs, and I’m going to talk to her. And you’re going to
stand by me, no matter what I say, okay? She needs to know how serious I am. It‘s for
her own good.”

I noticed Alice start to get nervous as the elevator opened onto our floor, and I stomped
past her down the hallway. I opened the door and stormed into the kitchen, as Alice
trailed behind me. I threw my keys unnecessarily hard onto the counter and Bella
jumped.

“Bella, we need to talk.”

Poor Bella. She was like a deer caught in headlights. She dropped the medicine that she
had in her hand onto the counter and pushed past us.

Okay, I’ll admit, it wasn’t what I expected. But Bella was always extra bold when it
came to standing up to me.

Our heads both turned in amazement as she walked into the living room and grabbed
her purse so she could leave. “I don’t feel like talking about anything.” Bella crossed
her arms over her chest as I started walking toward her.

“What the fuck are you doing, Bella? Huh? How long were you planning on lying to
us?”

Right then, I saw that Alice didn’t want to be a part of this at all. Sure, she thought
Edward was a complete douche and promiscuous and blah blah blah, and if she could

have her way, he wouldn’t be hooking up with her best friend. But, aside from that, she
had no other legitimate reasons as to why they should be kept apart. Yeah, she knew I
had some kind of information that was causing me to feel as strongly as I did, but I
could see she didn’t want to be included in it. I wanted to tell her that it was okay, and
she could go to her room right then and detach herself from the entire argument. But I
needed her. The only way Bella would take things seriously was if the two of us stood
up to her together. And right now, it was working.

“Listen, I know you’re mad because you told me not to get involved with him, and
really, I’m sorry if you think I’m being disrespectful to you. I’m an adult and this was a
choice I made on my own. So… just stop yelling.”

“Yeah, Rose, just forget-” I cut Alice off by snapping my head toward her and giving
her a nasty look.

“Bella, we’re your best friends. This isn’t about how I feel about him, it’s about how
much we care about you. Edward isn’t good for you. He needs help. You need to stop
seeing him.”

Bella stared at me for a second before laughing. Laughing. “No. You're not my mother.
I'll talk to whoever I want to.”

That put me over the edge. I took another step toward her and Alice grabbed my arm. I
think she was scared I was going to hit her.

“You know what, Bella? If this is how you‘re going to be, then get out.”

Bella stared at me, stunned.

“You want me to leave?”

“Yep. We both do.” Bella looked at me, and then at Alice for confirmation.

Of course, Alice bitched out. “No. Rose, stop it. We can talk this out, you don’t have to
threaten her-”

“Yes, because she doesn’t-fucking-get it.” I emphasized every word I said, because I
was out of ideas. Maybe she would realize how serious I was. I hated having to kick her
out, and I hated myself for acting the way that I was, and most of all I hated Edward for
causing this rift in our friendship.

Bella was furious. She seemed like she was on the verge of tears, but her eyes were full
of anger. “What don’t I get?” I shook my head and turned away from her. I knew that if
I didn’t walk away I was just going to cause more trouble. “No. No, don’t walk away!
You come in here and start all this shit, and then when you’re done saying what you
have to say you leave? I’m fucking tired of this, Rose! I’m tired of the lying, and the
hiding, and the secrets. I just want to know what’s going on!”

She was crying now. I wasn’t looking at her, but I could hear it in her voice.

“If you want me to stay away from him, the least you could do is tell me why. Tell me
something.”

I couldn’t stand hearing her cry because of me. I felt like such an awful person. But I
told myself that I was doing this for Bella, and when the right time came, I’d tell her
what the reason was. Right now wasn’t the time.

I turned back around and glared at her. “What’s he like when he’s with you, Bella?”

“Rose, this isn’t our business.”

“Alice, shut up! Answer me, Bella. What is he like?”

She frowned and her eyes darted around the room. “I don’t know… he’s nice to me,
and-”

“He’s nice to you? Really?” I wasn't an idiot. I didn't believe for a second that Edward
was constantly nice to her.

“Yeah, he is.” She was lying, and it was obvious. Maybe he was nice to her sometimes,
like when he was trying to have sex with her or something, but I knew well enough
from talking to Emmett that Edward had a horrible temper. I didn’t know why she felt
the need to defend him.

“You don’t notice anything weird about him? I mean, honestly, Bella. You can‘t tell me
that he acts the same as other guys you‘ve dated.”

Bella shrugged and continued crying. I realized that she felt like I was attacking her, so I
had to end the conversation. I was done dealing with this whole mess. It was out of
control.

“I can’t believe that you’d go against our word and do something like this. We’re only
trying to look out for you. So how about this? You can choose to stop seeing him and
everything will stay the same. Or you can move out and continue to choose Edward
over us and keep seeing him, for however long that may be. Because he will
undoubtedly fuck you over in a short amount of time. So, think about what you want to
do. Because I’m starting to believe that our friendship means absolutely nothing to
you.”

Yeah, it was wrong. I know it was. But I had no other choice. I hated myself for doing
what I did, but I knew she couldn’t afford to live here on her own, and moving back to
Washington for Bella was a fate worse than death. And I knew Bella well enough to
know that she’d choose me and Alice over everyone, even her own family. Either way,
whatever she chose, she wouldn’t be seeing him anymore. It was the only way that I
could think to keep them apart. It was the only way that I could keep Edward from
ruining her.

Breakdown

EPOV

I’d tried getting in touch with Bella three times in the past five days, unsuccessfully. I
tossed my phone from hand to hand, trying to decide if I should call her again or not.
Because calling three time already was far from cool. It was fucking pathetic.

It was almost eight in the morning, and I was wide awake. When I realized that Bella
was avoiding me, I’d spent most of my time moping around. I hadn’t slept in days. And
now, it was almost a week, and I needed to know why I hadn’t seen her. Since she came
to my apartment that first time, this was the longest stretch I’d gone without seeing her,
and it was weird. It was like I’d become dependant on her company.

At first I thought she was mad because I had denied her the other night, but the next
morning she seemed fine about it, so that didn‘t make sense. And then, I thought maybe
that asshole Jasper said something to Alice and Rose found out. That I still wasn’t sure
about because I hadn’t been able to get in touch with him all week. I’d only talked to
Emmett twice and both times were before I realized Bella was ignoring me.

I cursed myself repeatedly for turning her away the other night. I freaked out. It was
never a big deal for me to sleep with someone, because chances were I’d never have to
see them again if I didn’t want to. As fucked up as it was, they were like objects to me,
not individuals with feelings and personalities. But, I wanted to keep seeing Bella. And
before things could go any farther than they already were, shit needed to change with
me. Big time. So I had to keep her at a distance, and protect her from the part of my life
that she didn’t know about. The side that could hurt her. Somehow, though, I must’ve
fucked up along the way and not realized it because she hadn’t been back here, and
there was definitely a reason for it.

I decided to call one last time. Luckily, she picked up.

“Edward?” Her voice was raspy and she sounded groggy. Like she’d just woken up.

“Bella! What the hell is going on?”

Silence.

“Edward, this isn’t a good time, can we talk later?”

I was pissed. She ignored me for days, and then she picked up and tells me she can’t
talk? What kind of shit is that? Why even answer? I wanted to know what the fuck I did.

“No, we can’t talk later. You don’t fucking answer. What did I do?”

She sighed into the phone. “You didn’t do anything, Edward.” She sounded miserable.
All of a sudden I heard rustling and a voice - Alice or Rose, I didn’t know which one.

“Bella?” She didn’t answer me. I heard a slam and the rustling noise again.

“Sorry. I can’t talk right now. Can you meet me somewhere later?”

“Yeah. I can meet you by your apartment, or-”

“No. Not over here. Umm… I‘ll come over there. At ten.” She hung up without saying
anything else.

I unlocked the door and then went and sat out on the balcony to wait for Bella to come
over. I stared at the river for what seemed like forever. I smoked almost an entire pack
of cigarettes. I took pictures of all the boring bullshit around that was in view, that I
knew I already had hundreds of pictures of. I made myself a drink, and I didn’t give a
damn that it was before twelve, or whatever that rule was. I just wanted the time to pass.

Finally, I heard her footsteps approaching the balcony. Without a word, she pulled out
the chair that was next to me and dropped into it. I smiled at her, but she didn’t smile
back. She reached her hand out and ran her fingers down the side of my face.

“You look like shit, Edward.” I touched the side of my face where here fingers just were
and realized I hadn’t shaven in days. And I hadn’t slept, so I could only imagine what
my eyes looked like.

“What did I do? Are you mad at me because of the other day? Because, if that’s why
then come on, I’ll do it with you right now-”

“No, stop. Just… sit down.” Bella rested her hand on my leg as I fell back into the chair.
She gulped and then looked into my eyes with sympathy. “The reason I’ve been staying
away from you is- Edward, are you drinking?” She stopped mid-sentence when she saw
me grab my cup and throw back whatever was left in it. I knew she wasn’t about to tell
me any good news, so I figured it would make it that much easier. She frowned and
shook her head before continuing. “Anyway, the thing is… remember how I was telling
you that we probably wouldn’t be able to see each other anymore if Rose and Alice
found out? Well they did.”

Fucking Jasper. I made plans to go over there and stab him in the throat the second
Bella left.

“Anyway, it turns out I was right. They don’t want me seeing you anymore.”

I laughed at what she said, because who the fuck were they? Bella wasn’t a child and
Alice and Rose weren’t her fucking parents. She could do whatever she wanted to. And
I was sure Bella was going to do what she wanted to anyway, no matter what they
thought about it. So why was she just sitting there, not saying anything?

“Look, Bella, Rose just likes to talk a lot of shit. I’ll go talk to her-”

“No. Please, don’t. They told me if I kept seeing you that I had to move out, because
they weren’t going to… support anything-”

I shot up out of my chair and stumbled into the house. Bella followed behind me as I
threw my shoes on and grabbed my keys.

“Edward… where are you going?” She stood in front of the door, refusing to let me
leave. I could’ve pushed her out of the way if I wanted to, but I was trying with
everything in me to hold my anger in. I was saving it for that cunt Rosalie.

“I’m going to have a word with that fucking bitch. She can’t treat people like this, I
don’t know who she thinks she is-”

Bella gently took my keys from my hand and pushed me into the counter. I sat at one of
the barstools and she stood in between my legs, her hand still on my chest.

“This is the thing, Edward,” She raked her fingers through the hair on the side of my
head. I felt myself relax a little. “I know my best friends very well. And I trust their
judgment. I always have, and as much as this whole situation sucks, I have to believe
what my friends are telling me.”

Hold up. Was she really bowing out and giving up so easily? I felt the blood running
through my veins and I clenched my fists next to me. Bella saw me turn red, I’m sure,
and she looked scared shitless.

“Edward, don’t get angry! Just listen to me.” My nostrils flared as I tried to control my
breathing. She grabbed my face in her hands and came so close to me that I could feel
her breath hitting me when she spoke. “Tell me. Tell me what’s wrong with you, why
they don’t want me around you, and we can try to work through it. Whatever it is, I can
help you.”

I blew up. I shot up out of the barstool, causing it to topple over onto the floor with a
loud bang. Bella jumped and watched as I threw something- I think it was a vase- at the
wall and made it shatter into a million pieces. She stood there, frozen. I grabbed the top
of her arms and shook her.

“Don’t fucking talk to me like that. I’m not some charity case!”

She frowned and tried to wiggle out from my grasp. I didn’t realize how tightly I was
holding onto her. “Get off me, Edward. You’re hurting me.”

I let go when I saw the bottom of her eyes fill with tears. I was so fucking pissed at that
moment, I didn‘t care. I wanted her gone.

“Go, get out. You want to believe what they all tell you, go ahead. I don’t need you.”
Bella stared at me for a second before she knelt down and started picking up the pieces
of glass on the floor.

“Maybe this is why everyone’s telling me to stay away from you…”

“Maybe. So why don’t you just listen and get-the fuck-out. Now.”

“Seriously, Edward? You’d rather do things like this then just tell me what your
problem is?” She tossed the pieces of glass into the garbage and shook her head.
“Unbelievable. I see I made the right choice then. Obviously, since you don’t even care
about me enough to trust me.”

“You can’t help me! No one can fucking help me. So just leave me alone. All of you,
just leave me alone. I was perfectly fine before you came along and started fucking with
my life.”

“Your life was fucked before I came along, Edward.” Bella started walking toward the
door. I wanted to stop her. I wanted to say sorry. I wanted to tell her everything. But, I
couldn’t. My adrenaline was pumping, and I hadn’t slept in… I don’t know how long,
and my mind was doing one thing and my body was doing another. I couldn’t control
anything.

I watched her hand grasp the knob on the door and she stopped. She was crying harder
now, and I felt like shit, and I just wanted this to be over. She looked at me again, and
then I don’t know what happened but there she was, her arms wrapped around my neck
and she was sobbing into my shirt. I stood there, my arms at my side, not doing
anything. Not moving, not touching her back, not talking.

She pulled back and stared at me, with her bloodshot eyes, and she was touching my
face and then my neck and I felt her hand in my hair, and I couldn’t help it anymore. I
moved forward and kissed her hard, eagerly, because I did need her, and I didn’t know
why, but she was going and there was nothing I could do about it.

She pulled away from me, her cheeks wet with her tears, and she kissed my forehead
before saying what she had to. What I knew was coming. “Edward, I don’t want to do
this. Until you tell me the truth, or you fix whatever it is that’s wrong with you, I can’t
come back here. But I’ll be waiting, because I know you’ll do it. And I’ll be thinking
about you, because that’s all that I do… I think about you all the time.”

And then she was gone.

EmPOV

The vibration of my front door shaking woke me from my sleep. I sat up, disoriented,
and looked at the clock. 11:02. Who the hell would be coming over right now?

“Emmett!” Fuck. I knew right when I heard his voice that something was wrong.
Edward continued banging on the door and yelling until I let him inside. The woman
across the hall from me had stuck her head outside of her door and was looking at me
curiously. This wasn’t the first time she’d seen this shit.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, sorry.” I pushed Edward inside and looked him over once before shaking my
head. He had dark circles under his eyes. He wasn’t shaved. He smelled like liquor,
among other things.

“Dude, you need a shower.”

“Fuck you, Emmett. I’m gonna kill your girlfriend. I’m serious this time.” I would’ve
laughed, but Edward was so pissed, I really think that if Rose was to walk in right then,
he would’ve ripped her head off.

“Well, if you’re looking for her you came to the wrong place, Edward. She hasn’t talked
to me since she saw you kissing Bella in front of the building- I mean, what the fuck
were you thinking anyway?”

“I… I don’t know… I just,” I could tell he was struggling to make coherent sentences. It
was then that I started to worry. He grabbed my cell phone that was sitting on the
counter and tossed it to me. “Call her. You have to call her. You have to tell her to fix
it.”

I took a deep breath and shook my head again.

“She not talking to me. If I call her it’s just gonna make everything worse and-”

“I don’t give a shit! Call her now.” He was growing angrier by the second. I knew what
happened when he started acting like this and I had to think quickly. I looked down at
my phone and without saying another word to Edward, I dialed it. The phone only rang
once before someone answered.

“Emmett?”

“I need you to come here. To my apartment. As soon as you can.” I hung up before I
had to give an explanation.

I pulled a chair out from the kitchen table and led Edward to it. “Sit down. What
happened?”

“Rose… she told Bella not to see me anymore. They told her to move out, and-” I
watched as he struggled to tell me what he was trying to say. “I flipped out. I yelled at
her and I grabbed her-”

“Who, Bella?” Edward nodded as dropped his head into his hands with defeat. “Well,
maybe you should stop fucking around and get help.”

“Get help?” He stood up from the chair and pushed the table so it slammed against the
wall. I stood up and took a couple of steps back. “I don’t need help. I was doing fine-
this is all your fucking fault. You couldn’t have gone and… just talked to your cunt of a
girlfriend before she started running her mouth, huh?”

Edward was being belligerent and talking out of his ass. He had no clue what he was
saying- he was freaking out, drunk, and who knows what else, but it still pissed me off
that I was getting the blame for whatever the fuck was going on. I had no idea about
anything that had gone on after Rose and Alice walked away from me that day. Rose
wasn’t talking to me, so I hadn’t gone over there, and all Jasper said was that everyone
was fighting. I knew what it looked like to Edward- Rose hated him, so she wanted him
away from us and she was going to do whatever she had to in order to do that. But, after
what had been going on recently, I honestly just think Rose was terrified for Bella. She
didn’t want Bella wrapped up in his world. Not to mention that my entire fucking life
for far too long had revolved around Edward and trying to help Edward and trying to
protect Edward... she’d had enough. And so did I.

“Shut the fuck up, Edward. Don’t blame me for this shit. It’s your fault. All of it.
You’re the one that’s too proud to get help from anyone.”

I realized what I’d said after I already spit it out. I couldn’t take it back.

“It’s my fault?”

“No, I didn’t mean that-”

“It’s my fucking fault?”

And for the second time in the past month I was getting physical with my mentally
unstable brother. He lunged at me and knocked me to the ground, slamming his fists
into my face. I struggled for a minute before fighting back, hoping to tire him out. I
flipped him over and pinned him down, grabbing both of his wrists and holding them
against the floor. There was no way he was getting up.

“Get the fuck off me!” I stared down at Edward, and suddenly, I became really sad. I
stared at his green, bloodshot eyes that were so full of anger and rage that he was almost
unrecognizable to me. He was screaming, and crying, and cursing and still trying to hit
me. I knew that he wasn’t okay, but in a way I understood.

For once in his life, something good had come to him. Someone had given him a
chance, and liked him for who he was, and appreciated him, and didn’t judge him. And
a physical improvement in him was noticeable. For the first time in awhile, Edward
seemed almost… normal. And all that got ripped out from under him because of my
girlfriend, and instead of trying to stop her and explain why what she was doing was
wrong, I stood there. I just stood there on the sidewalk and let her go up there and fuck
up the one thing in Edward’s life that mattered to him.

Between Edward’s screams and sobs, I heard the door open. I let go of him and stood
up, relieved that Carlisle had taken my phone call seriously. I looked at my father, who
just stood in the doorway for a minute staring at Edward. He’d sat up and was leaning
against the wall, trying to catch his breath. Carlisle bent over in front of Edward and
grabbed his face. He tried moving his head away and then swatted at Carlisle’s hand.

“Edward, take this.” Carlisle tried to force a pill into Edward’s mouth but he turned his
head again. “Emmett.”

I knew what to do. Together we both forced the pill down Edward’s throat and watched
as he became instantly calm. His shoulders sank and he struggled to keep his eyes open.

I sighed and sat next to him on the floor, leaning my head back into the wall. This was
not the kind of shit that I wanted to wake up to. I wanted nothing more that to help my
brother be happy so that I could go back to living my own life. But, Edward had
problems on top of problems, and I had to work my way down from the top. This was
going to be my last attempt at trying to help, and if it didn’t work, I was going to step to
the side and let Carlisle and Esme take over.

I waited until Carlisle had left and Edward was completely knocked out before I got
dressed and left the house.

Misery and Tension

BPOV

The little box in the corner of the news said August 3rd. I gulped down my cereal and
stared at the TV in shock. Had it really been that long? I tried counting how many
weekends had passed on my fingers, but it was pointless. I couldn’t distinguish between
them because they were the same. In fact, most of my days were the same now. Sitting
on my laptop in my room, typing up my uninspired ideas for my novel, trying to avoid
Rosalie as much as I could. Or sitting in the boutique, staring out the window and
feeling sorry for myself for being so lonely and not being able to step out of the funk I
was in. Life was sucking big time right now.

I missed Edward. I missed him every single day. In the beginning, I figured that as the
days went by, I would miss him less and less and the feelings would disappear
gradually. But, seeing the date right now made me realize that my plan sucked. I didn’t
miss him less. I missed him more. I had only known him for a month, and yeah we
weren't dating, but I thought people always said “it takes half the time you were with
someone to get over them.” Maybe I heard wrong or something, but I was way past the
two week period and I wasn’t over it. Not even close.

I tried changing the channel to something that didn’t have the damn little date thingy in
the corner but all that was on at 7:30 was the news. So I sighed and left it on PBS.
Sesame Street will do.

I heard a little giggle behind me and I frowned. It had been a long time since I heard
laughter in our apartment. Alice came over and sat next to me, eyeing the TV.

“Really, Bella?”

“I’m trying to block out life.” I dropped my bowl of cereal on the coffee table and
slouched back into my seat.

“Okay, then.” She patted my knee and sat on the edge of the couch, quickly changing
the subject. “Do you have plans for today?”

Ha. Plans. Yeah right. If plans included organizing my bookshelf for the fifth time and
cutting my toenails, then hell yeah I had plans.

“I thought I was supposed to work? I’ve been neglecting the calendar lately, so maybe
I’m wrong.”

“Well, you’re supposed to. But, two of you were on today, so I figured that if you
wanted, maybe we could spend the day together or something? I hate this hostile
environment that we’re living in right now. I want things to go back to the way they
were.”

I sighed and thought about what she was saying. Of course, I missed the way things
with my friends used to be, too. We barely spoke more than five sentences to each other
a day now. I couldn’t remember when was the last time we’d done anything with just
the three of us, it had been so long. Rosalie and Emmett were having problems and he
was rarely around. I was pretty sure that was some kind of scheme from Rosalie to keep
my mind off Edward. Things had honestly gotten so bad, that I was actually considering
moving back to Forks. This wasn’t the life that I was excited to live. This sucked. At

least if I moved back in with my father, I wouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable in my
own house. It was a hard decision to make though, and I wanted to make sure I did what
was best for me, so I was trying to stick it out.

Alice had been the first one of any of us to make an attempt at reconciliation and I
couldn‘t just dismiss that. So, I nodded and pretended like I was more excited then I
was. Over the past month, she’d become noticeably less lively and animated than she
usually was. I didn’t blame her; how could she possibly be in a good mood after being
around Rosalie, who was less than unpleasant always and me, the lethargic girl that hid
out in her bedroom a majority of the day. I figured we both needed this outing.

A few hours later, I was sitting in a boutique in SoHo that Alice recognized as
competition. She was making mental notes of their prices and scoping out all the brands
they sold, while I sat on a sofa cooling off. It was extremely hot outside, and we’d been
walking around for awhile. When she was done, she walked up to me and winked.

“We can go.”

I followed her to the door and stopped right before she opened it. “Hold on!” The air
vent was blowing right on me and it felt amazing. As I stood there, pissing off Alice, I
noticed a bunch of pamphlets and business cards pinned to a corkboard on the wall. I
squinted, and tried to make out the small print from where I was standing. That’s when I
saw it.

I gulped and turned to Alice, forcing a smile. “Okay, I’m good.”

She pulled open the door and while she was faced away from me, I yanked the little
flyer off the corkboard and stuffed it in my purse. I followed her out of the store and
back out into the excruciating heat. When we got to the corner, I saw a guy with a nut
cart, so I ran over before Alice could say anything. It made me nostalgic, because
whenever I was with Edward and we would pass one, I would stop, and he would
always get disgusted and tell me the guys that work there didn’t wash their hands. I
popped one into my mouth and paid the dude before walking back to Alice. Delicious.

We stopped at Balthazar to get lunch because Alice raved about the food. When we
were seated, I dropped my bag down on the floor and threw my bag of nuts into it. Alice
gasped in shock before picking it up and pointing her finger at me.

“Are you kidding, Bella? I spent almost $3,000 on this purse! You can’t just throw
greasy nuts into it!” She stuck her hand into my bag without looking and yanked out a
handful of stuff. Including the flyer that I just tried to slyly put into my purse. James
Bond I am not.

I tried yanking it out of her hand, but she looked at it before I could. I sighed in defeat
and leaned back in my chair. If she wanted to bitch, she could bitch. I was completely
numb to what everyone had to say anyway.

“I’m not Rose, Bella. You don’t have to act this way around me.” She stuck her hand
across the table and handed me the flyer. I grabbed it and without even looking at it, I

crumpled it into a ball before throwing it under the table. There was no use getting my
hopes up.

“So, what’s good here?” I opened my menu and held it in front of my face so that Alice
couldn’t see me. I was upset, and this was supposed to be a happy day. It wasn’t her
fault that at every turn there was some stupid, god damned Edward reminder.

Alice put her hand on top of my menu and pulled it down to the table. She looked at me
sympathetically. “Bella… I know you’re upset. I know you feel like we’ve backstabbed
you. But I think… maybe you and Rose should talk to each other. She’s hurting now
too, you know? She basically threw away her relationship to try and protect you. And I
know she did it in her own, fucked up way, but she was only trying to do what she
thought was right.”

“Not my problem. How’s the goat cheese salad?”

Alice rolled her eyes at me and threw her arms in the air with exasperation. “Fine,
whatever. I don’t know why I even bother trying.”

I realized I was being a little bit obnoxious and Alice didn’t deserve it. So I took a sip of
my wine and threw my sticky hair up into a ponytail in order to think.

“Look, Alice. I did what you guys wanted. I chose you. Now, just let me sit and mope
around if I want to.” Alice moved her eyes from the menu to mine, and then back down
again. “And as far as Rose is concerned, uh… sorry that it backfired in her face. Maybe
for future reference she’ll learn to mind her own fucking business and let people live
their lives without intruding.”

“Well, I’m going to forgive the fact that you’re being malicious right now since I know
you’re… gloomy. But just think about how she feels. She loves you. She tried to do
what was best for you. And now, you’re dragging yourself around all morose and aren’t
speaking to her, and her boyfriend is distancing himself from her because of what she
did, so every day it’s being thrown in her face that maybe she made a mistake. And now
she can’t take it back. She’s miserable, too Bella.”

I felt bad for Rose. Kind of. I mean, I knew that she was supposedly only thinking of
me, doing it for my own good, blah blah fucking blah. But it was hard for me to
sympathize with how she felt because I didn’t know what possessed her to do it. She
knew stuff about Edward that I didn’t, and instead of just telling me and letting me
decide for myself, she took the coward’s way out and just gave me an ultimatum. It
made it hard for me to just be okay with everything. I wasn’t sure that everything would
ever just be okay with us again.

“Okay, think about it like this. What if you saw Emmett… I don’t know, shoot someone
when Rose wasn’t around?”

“Edward is a murderer?!”

“No! Bella- well, I don’t think so? Just shut up and listen!” Alice shook her head,
completely frustrated at me, and continued. “Anyway, you know how Rose feels about

him, but you still wouldn’t want her around him because you’re afraid that he might
shoot her or something one day. Wouldn’t you do whatever you could to keep them
apart?”

I thought about what Alice said and made my conclusion. “That was the shittiest
analogy I’ve ever heard, Alice. Just… give it up.” We both laughed at that, and I
changed the subject. “How’s Jasper? I haven’t seen him in forever.”

“Yeah, I feel kind of bad bringing him around. When I see him now it’s usually at his
place. I feel kind of rude that the two of you are suffering and I walk in like, ‘Hi! My
boyfriend and I are really happy!’ He does ask about you, though.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Like, last week I went over there and as soon as Edward left, Jasper was like-”
Alice stopped when she saw my eyes pop. She put her hand over her mouth, realizing
what she said.

“You saw him?” She nodded and gulped down the rest of her wine. “What… what did
he look like? Is he okay? How-”

“He was only there for a little while. And he seemed… I don’t know? The same? He
was pretty drunk and he looked tired but he was fine. He made fun of me the whole time
he was there. Him and Jasper laughed and joked about stupid guy stuff that I didn’t find
funny. You know, typical Edward.”

“Was he alone?” Alice took a deep breath and looked down at the table. Finally, she
looked up at me and shook her head.

“He was with some girl- but, they were going out to a bar, and I doubt it was anything-”
I put my hand on my forehead and Alice stopped talking.

I suddenly felt immensely jealous that Alice had seen him and I didn’t. And then I felt
angry, because he was fine, out with his friends and girls and acting normal while I was
home closed up in my room like a hermit. Didn’t he care that he couldn’t see me
anymore? Didn’t he miss me at all? I mean, even though he acted like a huge asshole
the last time I’d seen him, I still believe it was just because he was so angry that he
couldn’t see me. And that anger seemed so… passionate. I didn’t think he’d get over it
so quickly. My chest tightened when reality suddenly dawned on me. It was really done.

APOV

I should’ve lied. I should’ve just told her that he was alone and lied. The truth is
completely overrated. It only makes people feel worse. Lying is where it’s at. I made a
mental note to start telling people what they wanted to hear instead of the truth more
often. Because I felt like shit after what I’d said to Bella.

She didn’t say anything, but it was so obvious that she was in pain. I don’t know why,
either. When I’d talked to Edward about it one of the times I’d seen him, and I asked
him if they were ever… together, he said no. And, plus it was only a month. Did she

really think that he of all people was going to sit there celibate and wait until she came
back? If she ever even did come back, that is. It made me realize that I was in way over
my head. I understood nothing about this whole thing- not what had persuaded Rose to
do what she did, not what kind of a relationship Edward and Bella had, not why Emmett
was so angry about what Rose had done. It made me feel completely helpless. And all I
wanted to do was help.

I kept Bella out for as long as I could. I tried to keep her distracted, because even though
I knew that she was bothered by what I’d said, she still seemed like she was enjoying
herself a thousand times more then she had in the past month. I brought her to get
highlights in her hair. We both got pedicures. We saw a movie. Finally, when we were
both completely exhausted, we went back home. Rose wasn’t there, so I started dinner
while Bella showered. We ate and talked about the day and laughed, and it felt so good
because we hadn’t done that in so long. I was hoping that this was the start of something
new. A month was way too long to go without your best friends.

I knew what had to be done next.

Bella had gone to bed happy, claiming she wasn’t going to sit in there and mope, that
I’d actually tired her out for the day. So, I changed into pajamas and sat on the sofa,
waiting for Rose to come home. She finally walked in a little past 11, looking grim. She
dropped her keys and her purse on the dining room table and gave me a weak wave.

“Hey. How was your day?” She looked up at me, a little surprised that I was actually
speaking to her like I normally would. I was done sidestepping around everyone’s
moods. I was going to fix what was going on in this house.

“Long. I had a shoot this morning, and my dad was in town for a conference so I had
dinner with him. And then I stopped at Emmett’s to see him.” She dragged ass into the
kitchen and returned with a carton of ice cream and two spoons. I made room for her on
the sofa and smiled when she cuddled next to me.

“Rosalie. We’re in need of a confab.” She rolled her eyes and shoved a spoon of ice
cream in her mouth.

“Regarding…?”

“Uh, remember Bella? She’s the girls who lives here, used to be your best friend. You
might recognize her now as the girl who mopes around with the unbrushed hair.”

Rosalie forced a giggle and shrugged. “I don’t know what to do.”

I tapped the handle of the spoon to my chin and smirked. “Let’s go take a walk. Just in
case she’s still awake and can hear us.”

Rosalie and I made our way to Starbucks in our flip flops and pajama shorts, Haagen-
Dazs still in hand. We both sat in one of the oversized chairs with our huge iced coffees
and our late night snack, ignoring the looks that the other patrons were giving us.

“Emmett hates me.” Rose chewed the straw between her teeth and sighed. “I messed up
everything. I’m so stupid.”

“No, you’re not.” I took a deep breath and spun toward her. “Can I make a suggestion?”

“Sure.”

“Talk to Bella.” Rose crinkled her nose and shook her head. “Look, maybe this isn’t
your battle to fight. Maybe Edward will do something bad to her. Maybe he won’t. As
far as I know, they were just friends. She misses her friend.”

“It’s too late now.” Rose sighed and flipped her hair behind her shoulder. “Anyway, I
feel like if I told Bella I didn’t care anymore and she could do what she wanted, she
would only think I was doing it so that Emmett would stop being angry at me.”

“I don’t think she’d think that.” I looked down at my half empty drink, and I asked Rose
something that I needed to know. “Why exactly don’t you want her with him? I won’t
say anything to Bella.”

To my surprise, Rose told me everything. I wasn’t expecting her to, but I realized it was
because she was beyond desperation at this point. She spilled every detail about what
she’d seen Edward do, and the aftermath, and everything that Emmett and Carlisle had
told her about it. I sat there in complete shock, not having any idea what to say. I was
completely blown away. And suddenly, what Rose did made complete sense to me. She
wasn’t being selfish. She wasn’t being spiteful. She was being protective over Bella,
and she was genuinely trying to help. She was scared.

We sat there for almost two hours, barely saying anything to each other, just thinking.
After awhile, I came to a reasonable conclusion.

“I understand your loyalty to Emmett and his family.” Emmett didn’t want Rosalie
telling Bella anything. So she wasn’t going to. “But, despite… everything you told me, I
really think that this is something Bella needs to find out on her own. She’s an adult.
This is her decision. Maybe he cares about her enough to not involve her.”

“Yeah, but what are the chances of that? When everything comes tumbling down on
her, I’m going to completely take fault. Because I knew all about it and didn’t tell her.”

“If that happens, then you do what a friend would do. You stand by her, and you be
there for her. It’s all you can do.” Rosalie looked down at the empty carton of ice cream
and nodded.

“Okay. What should I do?”

“I have an idea.” I told Rosalie all about my plan, and she agreed it would work. “Okay.
But you have to understand how hesitant I am to all of this. I’m still not comfortable
with it.”

“No one expects you to be.”

“Fine. I’ll go talk to Emmett in the morning.” I smiled, hoping everything would turn
out okay, as we headed back to the apartment. I was proud of myself for being able to
turn everything around.

RPOV

I knocked on Emmett’s door, still contemplating what I was about to do. It was going
against everything I believed, but I needed to do it for my friend. For my boyfriend. If I
could even consider him to be that anymore.

It was early, but I had to talk to Emmett before he went to work. He opened the door
with a frown, wearing only his boxers.

“Hey. Can we talk?”

“Now? What are you doing here so early?” He stepped back enough for me to slide past
the door. I watched as he shut it behind him and stood there, confused.

“I talked to Alice last night, and she made me realize some stuff. So, first I just wanted
to say… I’m sorry.”

Emmett frowned and looked down at his feet. “Whatis this about, Rose?”

“Just listen to me.” I dropped my bag on the sofa and clapped my hands together. “I
realized that you’re going through enough with Edward, and what I did just made it
worse. I didn’t think about how this would effect you, which I should have. I only
thought about Bella… and myself.”

He nodded.

“But, I realized that I went about things in the complete wrong way. Everyone just hates
me for what I did, and I’m miserable. And no matter what my intentions were, it didn’t
turn out the way I was hoping. So, I’m stepping back.”

Emmett crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. “I know what you’re trying to do,
Rose. It’s kind of late to fix things.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, Edward’s worse now than before. If you were worried about Bella then…” He
trailed off, shaking his head.

“I know. I know, I’m a moron. But we saw before how he started to change a little, and
for some reason she had that effect on him, so maybe-”

“I don’t know.” He scratched the top of his head with compunction. “I’m not sure what
the right thing to do is.”

“Well, me neither. But, think about it. They don’t have to hide their friendship anymore.
That has to take some of the stress off, right? That could only help him. And if she’s

always with him, that’s less time that you’d have to worry. Not to mention we’d all be
getting along again… I miss you. So much. I miss my friends. And I was selfish, and I
swear that from now on, before I do anything, I’ll think about the effect it has on you.
You’re always good to me, and I’m just…” I stopped talking when Emmett walked up
to me and wrapped his arms around me.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have been treating you the way I have lately. It’s not…
completely your fault.” I giggled and kissed him quickly before remembering the main
thing I came to tell him.

“So, we had an idea of what to do.” I explained the whole plot that me and Alice had
discussed last night. He agreed that it was a good idea, and it would say the right thing
to Bella. That I was sorry. That I supported her. That even though I thought Edward was
a bad influence, that it wasn’t my business and I was letting her live.

“I want you to know though,” My tone became serious as Emmett stared at me with
curiosity. “If your brother hurts Bella, it’s over. There will be no forgiving him. And I
will beat him senseless with my own two hands.”

Emmett laughed and nodded. “Okay, it’s a deal.”

Reconciliation

BPOV

I sat at the dining room table with Alice, typing on my laptop. She was going through a
bunch of books from clothing manufacturers, looking for stuff to buy for the boutique.

“What do you think of this?”

I looked up from my keyboard at the dress she was pointing at. “Cute.” She circled it
and continued flipping the pages.

I had to admit, since Alice had taken me out the tension in the house had gone
considerably down in the past week. She’d returned to her normal self, on account of
her also talking to Rosalie. As far me and Rose went, the two of us were still the same;
she walked in, I waved and went into my room. Or the other way around. I knew I
should’ve put some kind of effort in, but I was afraid that I would make things worse.
So I just shut up and sat there.

Imagine my surprise when Rosalie walked in, smiling and sitting down at the table with
us. I froze for a second before smiling back and pretending to focus all my attention on
my computer. She tapped her manicured nails on the table a few times before talking. I
looked over at Alice, who didn’t find this exchange weird at all.

“So, I made reservations for dinner tonight. They’re at seven, so let’s start getting ready
soon.”

I found this bizarre. I shook my head and closed my laptop. “No thanks. I’m not really
hungry.”

“Bella!” Alice shoved my arm and scowled.

“I… I thought it was time we all had a night together.” Rosalie sounded sincere, and a
little sad, but I wasn’t fooled. My eyes darted from Alice, to her, and back to Alice. She
was giving me a look that said, ‘Go to dinner or die’ and to be honest, it was scaring the
shit out of me. So I gave in.

“Fine. I’ll come. What should I wear?”

Alice hopped out of her seat with excitement. “I know! I have the perfect-”

“No, no, no.” I waved my hands around before she could say anything else. I wasn’t in
the mood for a makeover tonight. “I asked you what I should wear, not to dress me.”

Alice looked over at Rosalie and she shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. A casual dress?”

That was cool with me. We all parted and got dressed in our own rooms. It was different
from the normal routine we had. Usually, Rosalie and Alice would dress me, do my
hair, make up, whatever, and I’d just sit there like a mannequin. We’d all sit in the
bathroom in front of the huge vanity, while drinking and laughing and having a good
time. Tonight though, we each got ready separately and surprisingly, I took the longest.
When I emerged from my bedroom, they were both sitting on the sofa, waiting for me.

“You look precious.” Rosalie grinned and stood up to leave. I looked over at the clock
and frowned. It was only six.

“We’re going? Aren’t we going to be early?”

“We can get a drink or something.” The sudden change in Rose’s mood was starting to
make me suspicious. What also was weird was the fact that Alice seemed perfectly okay
with how she was acting. She didn’t make any faces about it behind Rose’s back or
anything. Whatever. Fighting with Rosalie was becoming more and more of a hassle
every day, and anyway it was my choice to stay here. This whole thing was partly my
fault.

The three of us hopped in a cab and I tried to figure out what restaurant we were going
to, but Rose gave an address to some part of Chelsea- I think - that I’d never been to.
We rode there, Rose and Alice still chatting away like nothing was weird, while I sat
there staring out the window. When we reached our destination, I looked around,
confused. There were no restaurants anywhere around. I didn’t even know what street
we were on. I stood on the corner, waiting for an explanation.

Instead, Rose and Alice started walking without saying anything. I trailed behind them,
done questioning what was going on. Why the hell wouldn’t they just have the cab drop
us off at the restaurant, instead of blocks away? Suddenly, they stopped at the end of the
block and turned to me.

“Bella, we kind of lied.” Alice grimaced and pointed to Rose.

I rolled my eyes. “I figured that.”

“No, but it’s a surprise where you’re going so… close your eyes.”

The fuck? I stared at the two of them blankly.

“You’re ruining it, Bella!” Alice stomped over to me and grabbed my arm. Rosalie
grabbed the other one and started pulling me, so I gave in and clenched my eyes shut.
We walked a little bit further before I heard loud music and a wave of voices. Alice let
go of my arm and I felt her hands wrap around my head and cover my eyes. They led
me up a couple of stairs and I almost did a little victory dance when I didn’t trip. I heard
Alice’s heels tapping on the hard floor as they hauled me across… wherever the frig we
were. Rosalie shushed a couple people before they could say anything, and suddenly we
stopped. They spun my body so that I was facing a certain way and Alice dropped her
hands.

“Okay, open.”

When my eyes shot open, the first thing I saw was… me. Instantly I knew where I was.

I took a couple steps forward and stared at the large, framed picture on the wall. The
picture of me, on the bridge. I stepped forward and touched it with my hand, amazed.
As I looked across the small wall I noticed a couple other photographs of me that I’d
never seen before. One at the empire state building. One on Edward’s balcony. One of
me just walking on the sidewalk. I stared in amazement, trying to not cry. I spun around
and looked at Rosalie, who only shrugged and looked down at the floor.

I couldn’t believe she brought me here. To Edward’s exhibit. I hadn’t looked at the flyer
long enough to remember the date or the address, but apparently Alice did. I knew this
was partly her idea. The fact that Rose went along with it was beyond me.

I didn’t know what it meant, though. Was this her peace offering? Did her reasons for
her not wanting me to see Edward anymore suddenly not matter? Did he fix whatever
the hell was wrong with him?

I didn’t have time to ask. Because when I spun around the other way to look at Alice, he
was there. Standing next to her, looking unsuprisingly amazing. I stood there, unable to
move, just staring at him. At his beautiful face. At his crazy hair that I missed so much.
At his pale arms that contrasted against his black t-shirt. I just stared.

Alice and Rose walked away, and he started coming toward me, smiling, his white teeth
peeking out from behind his lips.

“I didn’t expect to see you here.”

I leapt into his arms, grabbing him around the neck and squeezing as tightly as I could. I
took in his smell, and I touched his hair, and I grinned into his neck because I was so
happy. I couldn’t explain it. He hugged me back for awhile and he chuckled when he
tried to pull away and I didn’t let go. I didn’t want to be away from him again.

“It’s okay, Bella.” I dropped my arms and took a step back, as Edward wiped a tear that
had fallen onto my cheek. “So, why are you here? I thought…”

“Rose brought me.” Edward just nodded and stood there, not moving his eyes from
mine. “These pictures… I forgot you’d even taken them.”

“Yeah, Emmett helped me pick out all the pictures in here. I should’ve known he was
scheming when he suggested I put ones of you up.” I laughed as I looked around the
gallery, admiring all of Edward’s work. I’d never seen any of it before, besides for a
few magazines that he had kept at his house. This was completely different.

I watched as he shoved his hands into his pockets and motioned for me to follow him.
“Rose didn’t say anything about this?”

“Well, life around la casa de Hale has been pretty dreary. I guess you’d know that, since
you’ve probably been spending more time with Emmett.” Edward nodded and ran his
fingers through his hair. I’d missed that so much.

“Edward,” I stopped and wrapped my hand around his forearm. “I missed you. A lot.”

He eyes narrowed a little as he smirked appreciatively. Without saying anything, he ran
his thumb up my cheek and pushed a lock of hair behind my ear.

Suddenly, Emmett and Rosalie appeared behind him, interrupting our moment. Rosalie
touched Edward’s shoulder lightly and he spun around quickly.

“Um… can we talk, please?” I noticed from his profile that Edward’s nostrils flared like
they did when he was angry, but he just nodded and walked away with her. I looked up
at Emmett and shook my head.

“What a day.” He laughed at me and draped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me
toward the wall. We started at the door and walked around to each picture. “So how’s
life, Em?”

“Pretty bleak.” He pointed at a black and white picture of an old brick building. “That's
my favorite one.”

“So, is everything okay with you and Rose?”

“I think it will be now.”

“Good. Because, not seeing you around, I assumed that you weren’t together anymore,
and I couldn’t help but feel kind of… responsible.”

Emmett shook his head and waved his hand. “Pshh, are you kidding Bella? It’s no one’s
fault, trust me. Let’s just put this whole thing behind us and move on.”

I nodded, excited about the prospect of starting over.

EPOV

I kept my pockets in my hands in order to keep them from wrapping around Rosalie’s
neck. I swear, I could’ve strangled the bitch right there. How do you stand next to the

person that was completely responsible for making your life miserable, and not want to
choke her to death? It took some serious self control.

She took me outside, in front of the building, and turned to face me when everyone was
out of earshot.

“I’m sorry, Edward.” I blinked a couple times and said nothing to her. “Please. I made a
mistake. You have to understand why I did what I did.”

“Yeah, I understand. You’re a crazy, selfish bitch who thinks about herself before
anyone else.”

She laughed at my choice of words. “Funny, after the things I’ve seen and I know about
you, you call me crazy.”

I leaned my head against the brick building and sighed. “What do you want?”

“Edward, come on. I’m apologizing to you. And I’m trying to fix things. Give me a
fucking break.”

“Well, I’m glad that you decided that it was okay for me and Bella to see each other
again. I mean, since it’s your business and everything.” She scoffed at my sarcasm.

“I didn’t do this for myself.” She gulped and looked up at the sky. “If it was up to me,
she’d have nothing to do with you. This is for my friend, and for Emmett, and… for
you. Because I have faith that having Bella in your life will do something positive for
you. And then maybe Emmett can stop suffering for your stupid mistakes.”

“Rose, just shut up. You have no idea what you’re talking about. You have one bad
night with me, and all of a sudden-”

“One bad night? Edward, a bad night is Alice getting wasted off tequila and puking on
my Manolos and me having to carry her home. That was not a bad night. That was the
scariest, most ridiculous day of my fucking life. Don’t try and belittle it.”

“Okay. Can we go back in now?” I had nothing to say. I wasn’t going to feel sorry for
her.

“Look, I swear to God that I’ll stay out of it now, as long as it doesn’t effect me. But…
can you just promise me something? Promise me that you’ll try not to do anything bad
to her. And promise me that you’ll tell her.”

I looked down at my sneakers and then at Rosalie. She was crazy to think I‘d ever do
anything bad to Bella. Then again, I didn‘t intentionally drag Rosalie along with me that
night. I couldn’t be sure that the same thing would never happen with Bella. I swore to
myself that I could try to make sure that never happened. That was all I could do.

“I’d never do anything to her. And, fine. Eventually, I’ll tell her what she needs to
know.”

“Okay.” And without saying another word, she made her way back inside, leaving me
standing on the sidewalk. I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and lit it. I needed to
think for a minute. So much had just happened, I didn’t really process it all.

“Edward!” Bella had stuck her head out of the doorway to look for me. She was smiling
as she spotted me and almost skipped toward me. I handed her my cigarette and she
took a drag before handing it back to me. “What are you doing out here?”

“Oh, I was having a nice little chat with the wicked witch.”

“Ehh. She’s not so bad.”

I had to smile at Bella. Jasper had relayed back to me what Alice had told him, and from
what I heard, Bella wasn’t doing amazing. She wasn’t going out like she always was
and she wasn’t talking to Rose at all. It made me feel pretty good that she held her
ground like that. Of course, her standing here now, trying to act like everything was
perfectly fine just made me want to laugh.

“How’s your book coming along?”

“It’s okay. Edward…” She stood in front of me and loosely grabbed my one hand that
wasn’t holding the cigarette. “It feels so good to see you. I thought about you every
day.”

I thought about her every day. But I didn’t tell her that. I blew the smoke through my
lips and raised an eyebrow at her.

“Yeah?” She nodded and let go of my hand. We stood there in silence, leaning against
the wall together while she waited for me to finish my cigarette. I could feel the
cheerfulness radiating off of her. It made me feel so good that I’d be able to see her
again, whenever I could, no matter what anyone thought about it. I felt like a huge
weight had just been lifted, and I could breathe again.

When I was done, I tossed my butt into the street and grinned at her. “Ready?” She
grabbed my arm and walked with me back inside, to our new beginning.

Sleepovers and Confessions

BPOV

The wind started blowing surprisingly hard, making my hair fly into my face. I lifted
my hand and wiped it away before Edward sucked his teeth, agitated, and dropped his
camera.

“Bella, come on. Stop moving.”

I rolled my eyes and stared past him again as I heard the clicking of the shutter. I
squinted a little, trying to block out the strong sunlight that was streaming through his
huge, open windows. It was a ridiculously warm day for the middle of September.

“Stop squinting.”

“I can’t see.” Edward rolled his eyes as he walked past me. I scurried across his living
room and followed him into the kitchen. He stood at the counter, taking apart his
camera and I hopped up onto it to watch him. “Soooo, I was thinking… since you said
you’re not doing anything later, maybe we can go to my apartment and-”

“No.”

I stared at him impassively. “You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

He zipped up the camera case and leaned against the counter. “You were gonna say…
we can go to my apartment and have dinner.”

He smirked at me when I crossed my arms over my chest. “What else are you going to
do?”

“Not that. Three dinners in one week with Rosalie and Alice is pushing me past my pain
threshold. Plus we have your birthday thing tomorrow so… no thanks.”

I knew he was exaggerating a little but I didn’t push him any further. He had been
extremely accommodating to me lately. I figured it was the least he could do since he
still hadn’t slept with me. I mean, what the hell is a girl supposed to do to get some
action? I slept there at least once a week. And I made sure to wear slutty pajamas. Each
time we kissed- which wasn’t exactly often- it was because he initiated it, so I knew he
had some kind of feelings. I showered at my apartment a couple of days ago while he
waited in my room and I walked around in a towel. And it was one of Rosalie’s, a small
one. I even bought over an erotic poetry book and read it to him, in bed.

Nothing.

If he wasn’t the sexiest piece I’d ever laid eyes on, I would’ve given up awhile ago. Of
course, I stayed and waited because somehow my screwed up mind thought it was
worth it. Things didn’t always work out the way I wanted, obviously, but the past month
and a half had been okay in my book. We went back to our regular routine of dragging
each other around to places we didn’t want to go to alone, sitting and annoying each
other when there was nothing else to do, getting drunk, or my personal favorite- Edward
flipping out on me numerous times per week and acting weird. I took it in stride. I
stopped taking it personally when I realized how often it happened. Bad temper or not, I
was going to appreciate every second that I had with him, no matter what. My month
without him blew.

And yeah, I’d be lying if I said that I was completely satisfied with the way things were,
because I wasn’t. I knew we weren’t dating, but I felt a little pang of jealousy every
time I saw another woman’s name flash up on his caller ID. Which was frequently. A
girl who worked at Alice’s boutique told me a couple weeks ago that she saw him
making out with some random slut at the bar. And I literally forced back vomit once
when I was lying in his bed, waiting for him to get ready, and I felt something poke my
shoulder. It was an earring. It just reinforced the fact that Edward didn’t see me as
anything special besides a friend, no matter what I tried to trick myself into thinking.

So yeah, my plan of forcing him into dinner that I really didn’t care about just so that I
knew where he was turned out to be a big flop. Whatever. He put his hand on my leg
and squeezed it playfully.

“So what exactly are we doing tomorrow? And is there any possible way of me getting
out of it?” He chuckled at his rude little joke as I pouted.

“It’s my damn birthday, Edward. Wouldn’t you want to see me on my birthday?”

“Yeah. But just you.” I blushed a little bit. “Anyway, I’ve seen the kind of shit Alice
does to people on their birthdays. You should’ve seen Emmett’s last one she planned. I
thought my mother was bad.”

“Believe me, I know. I’ve been dealing with it for almost 10 years now.” Edward
thought about that for a minute before he shrugged. “Well, okay, since tomorrow’s my
birthday, can we do what I want to do tonight?”

“It depends.” Without saying anything I put my hand over his that was still on my leg,
and I moved it up my thigh while leaning over a little. He yanked his hand away and
smirked. “You’re pushing it, Bella.”

“Yeah, and you’re prude. Only when it comes to me, though.” I hopped off the counter
and grabbed my purse. Before I ran to get a cab I checked my wallet so see if I had any
cash. Of course, I didn’t. “Where’s the closest ATM? I need cash for the taxi.”

“I bought you a MetroCard. Use it.”

“Edwardddd.” I whined but he shook his head and waved me out the door. He was
appalled at my lack of knowledge of the subway system considering I’d lived in New
York for almost four months now. At first I was really excited to figure out the subway,
but I’d gotten used to all my rich friends just taking taxis and towncars everywhere and
it seemed way easier. Of course, due to my limited amount of funds I started to go
broke, so Edward insisted that was where I start my budget. He even bought me the
stupid MetroCard, and left me in the subway by a map without telling me how to get
home. Asshole.

I managed to make my way home pretty quickly and without being mugged. I felt good.
When I walked into our apartment, Jasper was sitting at the dining room table,
grudgingly peeling corn. I started laughing hysterically and he threw the piece he was
holding at my head. Alice ran out from the kitchen, screaming at both of us.

“Bella, go away! He was fine helping before you walked in and started making fun of
him.”

“Sorry.” I walked by Jasper, mouthing ‘bitch’ and he gave me the finger. I found it
hilarious how whipped he was by Alice. I think it was because his personality reminded
me so much of Edward’s, and seeing Edward acting like such a puss for a girl was hard
for me to imagine. When I opened the door to my bedroom, I noticed a small, aqua box
in the middle of my bed. I frowned and looked at the card sitting next to it. Alice and

Rose had been talking about presents for the last couple of days, so I figured it was from
them while I ripped the card open.

“Happy 24th Birthday! This is only part of your gift. Edward.” Wow, what a romantic
note. Not. The box was from Tiffany’s, though. I pulled it open and stared, stunned by
what was inside. It was a long, white gold necklace with a simple string of three
diamonds hanging from the middle. It was casual enough that I could wear it every day,
but I knew that it had to have cost him thousands of dollars. Ridiculous. I spun it around
my fingers and held the diamonds up to my eyes, watching the way the light reflected
off of them. It was perfect. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed him, excited.

He picked up on the first ring.

“What? Did you get lost?”

“No, I made it home really fast, but thanks for having faith in me. I got your gift.” He
laughed into the phone.

“Do you like it? If it’s too much, I can-”

“No. I love it. It’s perfect. I find it hard to believe you picked it out on your own.”

“Oh, I did. I thought it was much more ‘you’ than the thing that Alice tried to make me
get.” I giggled, imagining Alice trying to make Edward spend $50,000 in Tiffany’s on
some diamond choker or something.

“I can’t believe you did this. Thank you, Edward. So much.”

“Your welcome.” He sighed into the phone and cleared his throat. “What time should I
be over for dinner?”

*

The six of us sat around the table after dinner, playing drinking games for hours until
we were totally ripped. I gave up first and sat back in my chair, buzzed out of my mind.
Alice suddenly gasped and hopped out of her chair.

“Bella! We bought you a dress to wear tomorrow.” She ran into her room and emerged
with a garment bag from Zac Posen. I looked at her and Rose, shaking my head.

“You guys spend too much money on me.”

“Shut up. It’s your birthday. Try it on!” Alice shoved the bag into my chest with glee. I
stumbled into my room and unzipped the bag, revealing the adorable black dress her
and Rose had picked out. It was perfect, of course. I undressed and slipped it over my
head, admiring myself in the full length mirror behind my door.

“Edward!” I wanted to get someone’s opinion who wasn’t Alice or Rose, and Edward
was objective. That bastard always told me the truth. A few seconds later he pushed
open my door and gaped at me. Sucker.

“What do you think?” I did a little spin to egg him on.

“Sexy.”

He winked and leaned back against my door, clicking it shut. I waltzed over to my
closet in a drunken stupor and started rummaging through the overpriced shoe
collection that Alice and Rose had started building up for me. I pulled some strappy
gray things out and spun around to show them to Edward but, he was already standing
there, a couple of feet away from me. I flinched and put my hand over my chest,
surprised.

“What the hell,” He laughed and reached over to my chest, grabbing the necklace that
he’d given me between his fingers before letting it drop again. “So, about my other
present…” I dropped my arms to my sides and smiled, inquisitively.

“It’s a surprise. Don’t even ask.” I pouted and stuck out my hand so the shoe was a
couple of inches from his face.

“Gray?”

“Yeah, whatever.” He shrugged and took a step closer to me.

I watched as he hesitantly reached his hand up and rested his palm on the side of my
neck. In an instant, his long fingers extended to the back of my head and pulled me
forward, so that my lips met his. His kisses were warm, and soft, and so incredible. He
took my bottom lip between his and sucked gently, allowing me to taste him. I wrapped
my fingers in the hair on the back of his head and yanked him closer to me, begging him
for more. I finally felt the moistness of his tongue on my top lip, so I parted my lips
slightly, allowing him access into my entire mouth. He tasted so good, like vodka and
mint and a trace of cigarettes.

Edward was pressing my entire body against the wall with his, but his hands never left
went farther down then my shoulders. I was gasping for air as he pressed his tongue into
mine, his mouth pushed so hard against me it almost hurt. But it was a good pain. I
wanted more. I gripped my hands around the collar of Edward’s t-shirt and yanked his
chest into mine with a sigh. I felt him groan lightly into my mouth, and I was sure that I
was going to do him right here, up against the wall in my birthday dress with four other
people sitting a couple of feet away. But of course, Edward had other plans. As soon as
I started to move my hand down his stomach, he let go of me and backed away,
smirking.

“Bella…”

I groaned in frustration and banged my clenched fists against the wall. “It‘s my
birthday, Edward!”

“You’re drunk.” He sighed and opened the door to my bedroom, leaving me standing
there in my stupid fucking expensive dress. Damn him.

I threw the dress on the bed and changed back into my normal clothes. Alice glared at
me when I appeared in the dining room, with my hair looking out of control, I’m sure.

“Did it fit?”

“Yeah, Edward liked it. Thanks you guys.” I realized then that he wasn’t in the room.
Maybe he was in the bathroom jacking off. I lined up three shot glasses and poured
whatever vodka was on the table into them. I slid them to Emmett and Jasper, since
Alice and Rose always whined like little bitches about taking shots.

“To Bella!” Emmett held up the shot before the three of us cheered and threw them
back. I slammed my glass against the table with a smile, and when I looked up I spotted
Edward coming out of the bathroom, looking at me. He smiled and looked down at his
feet before walking into the room.

“Alright, me and Emmett are heading out. Fun night, ladies. Edward, you coming?”
Jasper looked at him.

Edward just yawned and nodded. I stuck my bottom lip out and grabbed his hand.
Everyone went quiet, I guess since we so rarely showed any signs of affection to each
other when there were other people around. Or when we were alone, for that matter. I
didn’t care. I was wasted.

“Don’t go yet.”

“Everyone's leaving, Bella.” He hesitated, but clenched his fingers tightly around mine.

Emmett cleared his throat. “If he doesn’t come with us he’s gonna have to make the trip
home all alone.”

“Well, you can stay over.” I suggested it, even though Edward had never spent the night
here before. He closed one eye and scratched the back of his neck. “Come on! It’s my
birthdayyyy.” I stretched out the end for emphasis.

“Fine. I’ll stay. But you’re banned from using the phrase ‘it’s my birthday’ for the rest
of the night. I’ve been hearing it all fucking day, and FYI- it’s not your birthday until
tomorrow.” I squealed and did a little dance before the other two boys said goodbye for
the night.

When Rose closed the door, Edward frowned and looked down at the table which was
full of glasses and beer bottles and cards and empty liquor bottles and whateverthefuck
else. “Should we clean?”

“Ha!” Rose laughed and shook her head. “Tomorrow.”

Alice came stumbling out of the kitchen holding up two pints of ice cream. “Cherry
Garcia or Karamel Sutra?”

“Umm… I’ll take the Karamel Sutra.” I grabbed the Ben & Jerry’s and a spoon from
her hand and retreated into my bedroom with Edward. I dropped everything on my bed

and hung the dress up in my closet. When I turned back around he was already spread
out, his shoes still on.

“I can’t believe you stayed and didn’t whine like a little ninny about it. I‘m so excited!”
I ripped the ice cream open and discarded the top on the floor. He shook his head and
laughed. “Oh, and remove your grungy ass Converse from my comforter, please.”

“Shut up.” He disregarded what I said and rolled his body toward me. I slid a spoonful
of Karamel Sutra into his mouth before shoving one into mine. “You wouldn’t happen
to have any men’s pajamas - size medium - here, would you?”

“We sleep nude in Bella’s Lair.”

“Touché.” He wiped some excess ice cream off my lip before getting restless and
hopping out of the bed. “Let’s go out or something.”

Suddenly, my phone started vibrating on my dresser. Edward grabbed it and picked it
up before I could say anything.

“Hola.” He smirked at me and pointed at the phone. “Hey, Renee what’s going down…
I’m pretty solid… yeah she is, and anyway, tomorrow’s her birthday, not today… hold
on.” He tossed my phone on the bed and walked out of the room.

“Yes mother?” I licked the spoon clean as I wedged my phone between my ear and my
shoulder.

“Bella! Happy Birthday, sweetie.”

“Thank you, thank you.” I looked at the clock on my nightstand. 12:01. Renee was
always the first one to call on my birthday.

“Do you have big plans for tomorrow?”

“I plan on drinking until I vomit and Emmett has to throw me over his shoulder to carry
me home.”

“Bella.” I giggled to ease her worries, but I wasn’t joking. Those were my plans.

“Oh, and I’ll be doing it in a designer dress that Rose and Alice bought me. Classy.”

She ignored me. “So, I see everything’s still going well with Edward.”

“Edward’s magnificent.” I explained to her the gift he'd given me in full detail.

Renee sighed. “Bella, be careful, please. Boys like him are-”

“He's not a boy, he's 24 years old, thanks. Anyway, it's not the time for a lecture, Ma.”

“Okay, fine. Happy Birthday. I’ll call you soon. I love you.”

“Love you too.” I blew her a kiss into the mouthpiece and hung up. Edward still hadn’t
come back. I got up and walked into the living room to find him sitting on the sofa
between Alice and Rosalie, Alice’s spoon in his mouth and staring at the TV.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked, hands on my hips.

“I like Cherry Garcia better.” I rolled my eyes and dropped my container into Alice’s
lap before grabbing hers. Rose laughed and shoved Edward off the couch toward me. It
was nice to see them getting along. I’m sure the alcohol was a major contributor to that,
but whatever. I ran into Alice’s room and grabbed Jasper’s sweatpants from one of her
drawers.

When we got back to my room, I tossed the sweatpants on the bed and kneeled next to
Edward, who had taken control of the ice cream and was picking the cherries out with
the spoon.

“So where we going?” Edward asked in between swallowing.

“Nowhere. What is with you?”

“What the hell did you want me to stay here for?”

“Umm… hello? Tonight is all about Bella and Edward quality time.”

“Yeah. Because we don’t get enough of that.” He chuckled as I punched him in the arm.

“Stop it. You love spending time with me.”

He thought about it for a second before nodding. “True that.”

I wanted to tell him that I was obsessed with him. That I adored everything Edward.
That I wanted him to be with me and stop seeing all the other girls. And I was drunk, so
I was ballsier than I’d usually be. Instead, I decided to ease him into it and see what he
thought. We never talked about the way we felt for each other. I had no idea what he
was really thinking.

“Edward?” He noticed the humorless tone of my voice and dropped the ice cream on the
ground. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Am I not good enough for you?” He looked up at the ceiling and slapped his hand to
his forehead.

“Bella…”

“No, seriously. I want to know.”

He bit his bottom lip and yanked at a piece of my hair. “You’re too good for me.”

“Bullshit. I see the kind of girls that you like. Rosalie, and Alice and models… I’m so
far-”

“Stop it.” He draped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him. I rested
my head on his shoulder, not giving in.

“You have other girls calling you constantly. I find confirmation in your bed, for god’s
sake, that you had other women there and with me, you push me away. We haven’t
done anything except make out a couple of times. What are we, in fucking 8th grade?”

“Where am I right now?”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Yes, it does. If those other people were important I’d be with them.”

I guess that was supposed to be a compliment, but I was looking for something more
along the lines of, ‘Bella, I’m in love with you, you are my goddess, and if you want me
to stop seeing everyone for you, I will, and we can get married and have green-eyed-
sexy-haired babies and live happily ever after.’

I didn’t get that.

“You’re giving me mixed signals, Edward.” I stood up from the bed and grabbed some
crappy pajamas from my dresser. It didn’t matter, I wasn’t getting any.

“I’m just looking out for you. What’s good for you, okay?”

“Shitty excuse, Edward. You’re what’s good for me. I just want you.” I cringed as soon
as the words slipped out of my mouth. He took a deep breath and rubbed his temples
with him fingertips.

“Bella, I care about you. I want to do things right. There’s some shit that I have to
straighten out in my life first, before I can commit to anything. Just let it go for now.”

So I did. Edward went to the bathroom to change, and I guess to give me privacy, too.
He took longer then I expected, and when he returned he was dragging ass. He slid his
feet across the carpet and tossed his jeans in the corner of my room before collapsing
onto my bed. I felt the same way; the last shot put me over the edge. Plus my little
emotional confrontation with Edward just made me want to go to sleep. I mean, he said
he cared about me. That he wanted to do things right… I assumed that meant with me,
right? I guess I had nothing to worry about.

I shot him an evil look as he tossed all my throw pillows on the floor haphazardly. He
turned over the quilt and patted the sheet next to him. How could I resist that? I flipped
off the light and hopped into bed with a giggle. Edward kissed my forehead as I
snuggled into his neck, holding onto him as tightly as I could. Yeah, our relationship
was fucked up. But it was okay for now.

Birthday Blunder

EPOV

Bella was still sound asleep when I woke up. I slid out of the bed as gently as I could,
trying not to wake her. My eyes shot around her room, looking for my clothes from the
day before. Who the fuck's pants did I have on anyway?

Bingo. I spotted my jeans in a crumpled ball in the corner of her room. Changing as
quickly as I could, I jetted out of Bella's room and tried to leave the apartment without
being stopped. I needed to get home. Before I could leave, a squeaky voice called my
name.

"Edward!"

"Really, Alice?" She was rolling a suitcase toward me. Shit. I almost forgot. I grabbed it
out of her hand and frowned.

"What?"

"This shit is purple."

"And?"

"So now I have to lug this gay shit back to my apartment. Think next time." She tsked
and waved her hand at me before slamming the door shut.

I tried getting a taxi but after ten minutes I gave up, so I hopped on the subway. I had
drank way too much the night before. My head collapsed into my hands and I sat there
like that the entire way home, groaning and not giving a shit at all about the stares
people were giving me and my faggy purple suitcase. The walk to my building made me
nauseous. Why was it so god damn hot in September? Ehh, at least this would work out
in Bella's favor for the surprise I had planned for her.

Bella.

What was I doing? Everything was happening so fast and it was all spiraling out of
control. I should've expected her to say something about us sooner or later. I should've
been prepared. I should've used whatever's left of my brain and thought this shit
through. She was completely right- from her eyes, I was sure it looked like I was giving
her mixed signals. We were together all the time. We hung out with two other couples.
She knew me better than pretty much everyone else... aside from a few things. So why
couldn't I just man the fuck up and do what I had to do? Why didn't I stop fucking
around with other women? Why didn't I stop being so cold and just tell her how I really
felt? Why didn't I just tell her the entire truth?

It was because I was scared. I was a scared little bitch. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be
able to change and the closer Bella got to me, the more I'd fuck up and that shit would
start effecting her and then she would be too far in and no matter what she'd be hurt and
it would be all my fault. And I'd feel like a dick forever. Or maybe I wouldn't, because I
was Edward Cullen, the numb, unfeeling bastard. The thought of that made me feel

even worse. I couldn't stay away from her, though. The notion of being without her
made me feel sick.

I figured what I was doing right now, keeping her at a distance and not letting her all the
way in was the best thing for both of us. I cared about her, of course, more than I'd ever
cared about anyone or anything, and I tried to show her. I tried to prove it to her every
chance I got. It wasn't enough though.

When I reached my apartment the door was already unlocked and the smell of coffee
was seeping into the hallway. That only meant one thing. I sighed and shoved the door
open, dropping Bella's suitcase at my feet.

"Where were you?" Esme asked, looking me up and down.

"I stayed at Bella's- and what did I tell you about showing up here uninvited?" I rubbed
my eyes with my palms and sat in one of the barstools.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you forget that I pay for this apartment and I can stop by whenever I
damn well please?"

"You pay for this apartment? Wow, when'd you get a job? Does Dad know?"

"Enough, Edward." She held up a small paper bag and tossed it across the counter. "I
picked this up for you."

Her early morning little check ups really pissed me off. I sighed and took a gulp of
orange juice that she'd placed in front of me.

"There's something I want to talk to you about."

"No." I stood up from the stool and walked into the bathroom, but she followed close
behind me.

"Edward." I turned the faucet on, ignoring her. "I don't want to get involved-"

"Then don't."

"I'm worried about you... and about Bella." I locked my elbows and leaned against the
counter, trying to stay calm. It wasn't even 9:00 yet. She was pushing it, and I was
gonna snap."Emmett says that you seem the same, but I just don't think that being in a
relationship and having Bella... supporting you, and the way you are, is going to do any
good for either of you."

That did it. I snapped my head toward her and narrowed my eyes, adrenaline pumping
through my body.

"How about you and dad and Emmett all just fuck off and mind your own god damn
business?"

Esme flinched at my strong words, but she didn't walk away.

"You're my son. This is my business. I care."

"You care?" I couldn't help but laugh. "That's funny right there. You care? You're
afraid. Where were you in the beginning? Where were you when I was screaming out
for help and Dad was denying everything? Why didn't you just fix everything when you
first found out?”

Silence.

“I can tell you why. It's because you didn't-fucking-care. Your pride was more
important then your 'troubled' son. Now, when shit gets heavy you're all ready to pick
up the pieces. But it's too late. I found my own way to deal with shit, so listen to me
when I say- fuck. off."

That worked. She didn't say anything, she just walked out. Good. I meant everything I
said. I loved my mother and everything but, fuck. A person can only deal with so much.

I took a quick shower and got dressed, realizing I was going to be late to the shoot I had
scheduled today if I didn't get a fucking move on. Suddenly there was a knock at my
door.

"Edward?" It was my assistant. Shit.

All my stuff was still in my pockets of my other jeans so I ran to the bathroom and
dumped everything on the counter. Wallet. Keys. Some change. Almost dead cell
phone.

Hold the fuck on.

I stuck my hands into my pockets again, searching through them frantically. It had to be
in there. I was so desperate, I even checked that stupid tiny pocket no one uses that you
can't even stick your finger in, even though I knew it couldn't be in there. Or maybe it
wasn't in my pockets at all in the first place. Damn it, how fucked up was I last night?
My heart started beating out of my chest. What if it was in Bella's room? What if she
already saw it? Fuck fuck fuck. I was beyond fucked. I was fucked with a capital FU. I
was so fucked there needed to be another word for it.

Then I realized that I could be freaking out over nothing. Maybe it wasn't even in my
pockets. It's not like I always had to have it with me. My memory from yesterday was
for shit. Drinking always fucked with my short term memory anyway. I didn't have time
to sit there and have a panic attack about it. I grabbed everything I needed and all my
equipment and ran downstairs, my assistant in tow and cell phone in hand. There was
only one person that I could call right now and I really didn't want to do it. But I had to
be sure. I scrolled down my contacts and pressed send when I got to the number. Why it
was in my phone still, I have no idea. She actually answered, though.

"What?"

"Rose? I need you to help me."

*

APOV

"Alice, you're making too much noise!" Rosalie whispered while I tied balloons all
around Bella's room. It didn't matter how loud we were- Bella drank a lot last night and
girlfriend was dead to the world. She wasn't waking up unless we put one of those
foghorn things up to her ear.

"The fuck are you doing?" Rose was crawling around on her hands and knees, looking
for something on Bella's floor. She looked up at me, rolling her eyes.

"Edward just called... he thinks he..."

"Shit." She didn't need to say anything else. I let my handful of balloons fly to the
ceiling and I dropped to the floor, spreading my hands around the carpet.

"He's such a moron." Rose lifted the skirt on Bella's bed and huffed.

"Why are you even doing this? Maybe it'll be better if she saw it herself."

"Yeah, right. I've done enough damage. Besides, if she saw it Edward would tell
Emmett I ignored him and then all hell would break loose. Check that corner."

"She wouldn't even know what it was if she did find it." I spun around to where Rose
was pointing and crawled across the room. Suddenly, I spotted something near the
molding. I scooped it up in my hand and jumped to my feet. "Got it!"

Rose sighed in relief and grabbed it from my hand. "Happy birthday, Bella. Your boy
toy is scum."I stifled a giggle at Rose's remark and continued tying up the balloons
where I left off. What a way to start the morning.

After we were done decorating, we booked it to the kitchen and started making banana
pancakes. They were Bella’s favorite. I'd made them for her every morning of her
birthday since we'd met. Right as I was finishing up, we heard her door squeak. A few
seconds later, she appeared at the table, her hair sticking up everywhere and Edward's
necklace around her neck and she was wearing... Snoopy pajama pants? Good god,
Bella. Those were going into the garbage as soon as she took them off.

"There's nothing like the smell of rubber in the morning. How the hell'd you guys do
that without me waking up? And do I smell banana pancakes?" Rose laughed and slid a
plate across the table to her. Bella yawned and stretched her arms above her head.
"Where's Edward?"

"Uh, he left like three hours ago." I said with a smirk.

"He's missing out." She shoveled a fork into her mouth and moaned with delight.
"Amazing."

"So, do want your gift or should we wait until you're done eating?" Rose asked between
bites.

Bella dropped her fork and grinned. "Bring it."

I skipped into Rose's room and came back carrying the shiny box. Bella's eyes grew
wide as I dropped it on the table in front of her.

"What is this?" She tore the wrapping paper off excitedly. As soon as she realized what
it was, she gasped.

"Oh. My. God." She looked at both of us, shocked.

"We thought you were in need of an upgrade. Yours was looking a little shabby from
you dragging it around the city everywhere. Not to mention it was like 5 years old."
Rose laughed at herself.

"Yeah, and this is supposed to be the best one for writers! We asked." Bella stared at the
brand new MacBook Air, shaking her head.

"Thank you! I can't believe this. You guys are too good to me." She jumped up, hugging
us both elatedly before finishing her pancakes. I was glad she had a good morning and
she was happy, because none of us anticipated what her night was about to be like.

*

“Bella, slow down.” Edward grabbed the bottle out of her hand, splashing it across the
kitchen.

“Damn it, Cullen! Go. Away.” Bella chuckled and started chugging down her drink. She
was definitely done. I watched their weird little mating dance for a couple of seconds
before I got bored and made my way over to Jasper. Drunkenly, I fell into his lap and
starting playing with a strand of his hair.

“You girls are never making it out tonight.” Jasper said, chucking.

“Yes, we are!” Rose slurred, shaking her drink enough so that it splashed onto the
carpet. She was going to be pissed about that tomorrow. “We reserved a room! We have
to go.”

“Then maybe you should calm the fuck down!” Emmett grabbed the drink out of
Rosalie’s hands and placed it on the table next to him, shaking his head.

“You think we’re bad? Birthday bitch is in there practically chugging straight from the
bottle.” I pointed toward the kitchen, where Bella was shrieking and laughing.

Rose winced. “I shotgun not cleaning up her puke tonight.”

“I heard that.” Bella shouted from the other room.

The boys came earlier then we expected, donning bottles and bottles of liquor that we’d
already almost finished. We weren’t holding back tonight. Birthdays were one of the
only days of the year where acting like a total sloppy, embarrassing mess was
acceptable. And Bella definitely wasn’t taking that shit for granted. I didn’t blame her.
It was her first birthday in New York. Her life had changed drastically this year. And
she had Edward, who so far tonight hadn’t been acting like his typically douchy self.
She was happy.

I looked at the clock and hopped out of Jasper’s lap. “Let’s just go! Before it rains.” It
had been cloudy out all day, and I was pretty sure I just heard thunder. We all got our
stuff ready and stood by the door, waiting for Bella and Edward.

“Bella! Come on!” Rose and I steadied each other as we walked to Bella’s room. When
she pushed the door without knocking, we caught them in a full fledged make-out.

“Ugh!” Rose feigned gagging and threw something on Bella’s dresser at them. “Let’s
go. Save that for later. Or don’t.”

The two of them were drunken, sloppy messes already. I stood there in the hallway, my
mouth hanging open. I was still a little in shock at the whole thing. Like, I figured they
kissed and stuff but seeing it was a different thing. Rose looked at me, sneering.

“My sentiments exactly. Let’s make a move.”

We picked a bar that was relatively close for obvious reasons, like not having to worry
about getting a taxi late at night, and so that in case someone got ridiculously drunk and
had to be carried back it wouldn’t be far. When we were a block away it started pouring.
Bella hopped on Edward’s back while the rest of us just ran the entire way there.
Everyone was soaking wet when we got inside. But the room was awesome. It had a
private bar, and couches and tables lining the walls. Which was all we really needed to
have a good time.

Eventually we made our way out into the main area. That was when shit got messy.
Edward and Bella groped each other the entire time, and every time I looked over they
were walking to the bar to get another drink. Jasper and Emmett had taken to doing
shots of the free booze they supplied in our private room. I stopped drinking when I
realized I was the most sober person there, and if something was to happen at least one
of us had to be somewhat in control.

Bella left Edward at the bar and joined me and Rosalie on the dance floor. I don’t know
how long we were there, but Jasper and Emmett had come back out and were leaning
against the wall watching us. Bella was stumbling all over the place, barely able to stand
up without using one of us for support. It was hilarious. All of a sudden, Rose grabbed
Bella and spun her so that her back was facing the bar. Rose had a nervous look on her
face, so I mouthed ‘What?’ to her behind Bella’s back. Without saying anything, she
motioned her head to the left, where Edward was standing at the bar with that model
chick that stalked the shit out of him, and she was standing way too close.

Normally, something like this wouldn’t phase me. Or Rose. But today was Bella’s
birthday. And I knew nothing about what kind of a relationship she had with Edward,

because after what I like to call, ‘The month we do not speak of’ it was always awkward
to talk about him and pretend like we were okay with everything. Because she knew we
weren’t. Regardless, I had enough observation skills to see that the two of them were
moving past a typical guy-girl friendship. There were feelings there. And the two of
them were flaunting those feelings around tonight. Add in a large amount of alcohol,
and anyone could see disaster was about to happen.

There was only so much we could do. Eventually, Bella turned around and spotted him.
And her face fell. She stood there, staring for a few seconds before she stomped off the
dance floor and back into the private room. Rose and I followed behind her, not saying
anything.

“Bella?” Rose asked as we approached a table. “What’s wrong?”

Bella grabbed a random drink that was sitting there and chugged the entire thing down.
I silently prayed there wasn’t a ruffee in it.

“I can’t do this.” Her eyes started to fill up with tears, so we led her to a sofa to sit her
down.

“Do what?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“I can’t just sit here and pretend that I’m okay with everything.” I completely agreed
with her. Edward had gone back to being a grade A douche. Bella had left his side
almost an hour ago and he hadn’t even come to find her because that slut was here. I
don’t care how drunk he was, some things aren't excusable. Like fucking up someone's
birthday. “Maybe you guys were right about this.”

She had no idea.

I know inside Rose’s head she was saying ‘I told you so’ but she did what she was
supposed to. “Why are you so upset, Bella? I thought you were just friends…”

“We are!” She wiped a tear from her cheek with the back of her hand. “I don’t want to
be. I love him. I can’t watch him be with other women.”

Rose sighed and sat down next to her, rubbing her back. “Bella, you don’t love him.
You barely know him.”

“Okay, well maybe I don’t love him but… this sucks. I don’t want things to be like this.
I don’t want him to think it’s okay to be with other girls. I‘m sick of acting like I‘m cool
with everything.” She wiped off a tear that had fallen on her dress. “And yes I do know
him! I want him to be with me. He gave me diamonds on my birthday!” She yanked at
the necklace and sobbed. If only she knew what he had planned for her tomorrow.

“Bella, Edward’s not like other guys. I think… maybe later, or tomorrow or something
you guys should talk about it. Edward’s the kind of person that unless you’re screaming
something in his face, he doesn’t get it. He blocks it out. You know?” She nodded at me
before jerking her head up.

“You’re right.” She stood up from the sofa and started half sprinting, half stumbling her
way out of the room.

“Wait, what?” Me and my stupid advice. Rose and I darted after her as she shoved
through the crowd of people, not caring who she knocked over in her wake. We
watched as she staggered up to Edward and the model slut. Bella was always super
ballsy. I loved that about her.

She squeezed her way in between the two of them and squinted at Edward. “What the
fuck?”

Model crossed her arms over her chest after tapping Bella on the shoulder. “Excuse
me.”

“Go away, skank.”

“Bella!” Edward tried to pull her away from model slut but Bella stood her ground.

“What the fuck are you doing, Edward? On my god damn birthday! Right in front of my
face, after we just talked about this yesterday! Yesterday!” I could tell by the way
Edward looked at her that he was beyond wasted. I knew for a fact that he’d drank the
most of any of us. He didn’t know what the fuck was going on.

“Just calm down. We were just talking.”

“Yeah, well I hope you had a nice conversation because now you’re done.” Bella spun
around to the whore. “I thought I told you to go the fuck away?”

Model chick laughed and took a step closer to Bella. Not a good idea.

“I’ll go when Edward says he wants me to go.”

Nuh-uh.

Bella grabbed her by the throat and shoved her with all her might. Model went flying up
against the bar, knocking a bunch of glasses onto the floor. It was the most amazing
thing I’d ever seen. Edward grabbed Bella around the waist and lifted her off the ground
before moving across the room. Model tried to compose herself and follow after them,
but Rosalie gave her the evil eye and blocked her.

“Don’t even try.”

I laughed and walked over to see if Bella was okay. She was swinging at Edward and
hysterically crying as he tried to duck away from her punches.

“Bella, stop! I’m sorry!”

“Fuck you!” She swung her arm and her fist hit him directly in the side of the face.
Jackpot! “I’m done with this, Edward. If you want to keep doing this with other women,
I’m done!”

She was hysterically crying, and incoherent and she could barely stand. She needed to
get the fuck out of there. Emmett and Jasper had somehow seen the whole spectacle,
and Emmett was trying to get Bella to leave.

“Come on, Bella. I’ll walk you home.”

“No! I’m not leaving him! He’s just gonna go back to her as soon as I leave!” She was
choking on her words and gasping for air.

“No, I’m not.” Edward tried to console her to no avail.

“Yes you are! Just shut the fuck up, Edward!” She swung at him again, but Emmett
caught her arm.

“Bella. Me and Alice will take you home. Rose and Jasper will stay here with Edward.
Right Rose?”

Smart thinking on Emmett’s part. Bella knew Rose would rock the bitch if she tried
coming around again.

Emmett threw Bella on his back and lugged her the two blocks back to the apartment.
When we got inside, he dropped her on her bed. She was already passed out. We looked
at each other, shaking our heads. Happy birthday, Bella.

Beach House

EPOV

The feeling of Bella shifting around in my lap woke me up. I lifted my head from my
shoulder and stared down at her. She was groaning and rubbing her eyes. I lifted one of
my hands from where they were placed on her hair and rubbed my stiff neck. I’d slept
all night sitting up against Bella’s headboard, her head in my lap. This was the second
day in a row that I woke up, hungover as shit and not in my own bed. What the hell was
this girl doing to me?

“Why are you here?” Her voiced was low and gravely, but still sleepy.

“I wanted to say sorry,” I rubbed her head with my hand that was still resting on it, but
she swatted me away.

“Get out.” She sat up and her eyes widened when she looked at my face. “For future
reference, I’m sorry for punching you in the face, but… just get out. I don‘t want to see
you right now.”

Last night when I’d looked in the mirror a purple welt was already forming on my left
cheek. I could only imagine what it looked like now.

“I sat here all night waiting to talk to you,” I wasn’t lying, but I did have to be forced
into it by Rosalie. After she slapped me in the back of the head. “Just listen to me.”

“No, Edward. I put up with all kinds of shit from you, but you blatantly disrespected me
last night. Figure out what kind of a relationship you want to have with me. If you want
to be friends, stop kissing me and buying me stuff and… complementing me and telling
me that I’m too good for you and that you care about me and whatever other bullshit
you do.” She brushed back a piece of hair from her face. “And if you want to be more
then friends, start acting like it. Because I won’t be in a relationship with someone who
acts they way you do. It’s beyond disrespectful.”

I didn’t know what to say. Yeah, I didn’t want to be just friends, and eventually I
wanted to be in a relationship. But not right now. I couldn’t right now.

“I was drunk.” I stood up from the bed and grabbed my jacket off the ground. “But I’m
curious- how else exactly do I disrespect you?” I didn’t feel like fighting, but I was
really trying with her, and I needed to know what I was doing wrong.

“Really, Edward?” She put her hands on her hips and squinted at me. “Hmm, let’s see.
Last week when you were watching TV you flipped out and threw the remote at me
because I asked you where you kept the extra paper towels. Umm, and two days before
that, you screamed at me and left me at a restaurant because I asked you why you
weren‘t eating your food. A couple of weeks ago, you were supposed to take me to see a
movie and you never came to pick me up or even called. Should I keep going?”

I stared at her blankly. Yeah, I had done all those things. But that was who I was. I was
used to holding everything in, and she never argued with me or fought back so when I
was pissed about something I’d take it out on her. She was always there. And excuse me
for being forgetful. It wasn’t completely my fault. She should’ve said something before
now.

“That’s the way that I am. If you don’t like my personality, don’t talk to me.”

“That’s not personality, that’s you being a psychotic, bipolar piece of shit.” I clenched
my fists so hard that I swore my fingernails had broke through the skin on my palms.
Her voice was cold, and the Bella I knew didn’t talk to me like that.

I was done.

“Fuck you.” I walked out, slamming the door as hard as I could on the way.

*

BPOV

“Bella? What are you still doing here?” I looked up from my cup of coffee at Alice as
she walked into the kitchen.

“I live here.”

“You were supposed to… Edward… he told me yesterday you guys were supposed to
do something today. For your birthday.” Alice stammered as she poured a mug of
coffee for herself.

“Probably not.” I sighed and looked down at the ground. “I was so angry this morning. I
shouldn’t have gotten so mad at him. This is the second time that I’ve flipped out on
him for talking to that girl… and neither time were we dating. Now that I’m thinking
about it I feel kind of stupid.”

Alice slammed her hand against the counter. “Are you kidding me? Of course you
should’ve been mad! With the way that he was acting to you, and then he was all over
another girl, not to mention it was your birthday… please. You shouldn’t feel stupid. I
mean, maybe clocking him in the face was out of hand but you were drunk. That makes
it okay.”

I giggled. I couldn’t believe I punched in the face. “It’s not just that, though. I started
yelling at him about other stuff that had nothing to do with last night and I feel kind of
bad about it. Like he didn’t realize that I was mad about things, and now he’s gonna
think that I’m not being honest with him, and things are going to be weird. And, like I
didn’t even know I was mad about that stuff. When I was yelling it just kind of flew
out.”

“This is Edward Cullen we’re talking about. I think he deserves to get screamed at a
little.”

“I know, that’s why I don’t get why I feel so bad about it. And I love the way that he is.
I love everything he does. I hate that I belittled him. That’s not the kind of person I am.”

Alice nodded.

“And I called him a piece of shit or something like that. But not in the joking way.”

She laughed. “I’m not gonna lie, Edward is kind of a piece of shit. Most of the time.”

“Stop.” I dropped my coffee cup into the sink and stared down at it. “What am I gonna
do?”

“Go talk to him.” Alice suggested. It seemed way easier then it was. I already tried
calling and he didn’t pick up, meaning he didn’t want to talk to me. I wasn’t in the
mood to go all the way to his house and have him slam the door in my face.

“I don’t know.”

“Go.” She stuck my purse in my hand and practically pushed me out the door.

When I got to Edward’s apartment, I stood in front of the door, hesitating. The doorman
let me up now without question since I’d been there so many times. I had one of those
gut feelings that something was about to happen, but I didn’t know why. I raised my fist
up to the door and knocked weakly. This wasn’t a walk right in day.

The door swung open and he stood there, staring at me, not saying anything. His jaw
was clenched and he was breathing heavily through his nose and he did not look happy
to see me at all.

“Edward, I’m sorry.”

He frowned, still not moving from the door.

“Why the hell are you sorry?”

“I was rude this morning. You waited to talk to me all night and I just yelled at you
instead of talking it out, and I hate the way I feel when we’re angry at each other, and-”

“Bella.”

“Yeah?”

Edward sighed and stepped to the side. I walked in and shut the door behind me.

“I’m really sorry. About yesterday.” He swung his arm out and gently grabbed the tips
of my fingers.

“I know. It’s okay. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“I still don’t think it’s the right time for us to start a relationship with each other.” Ugh.
He didn’t say it in a malicious way, but those weren’t the words I wanted to hear. I took
a step closer to him and put my hand behind his neck, touching the pieces of hair that
were sticking out from under his beanie.

“It’s okay. I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

He gave me the half grin that made me melt. “Okay. I will stop seeing other women,
though. If that’s what you want. I didn’t realize it bothered you so much.” Thank GOD.
That sentence was the best thing Edward had ever said.

“Yeah, I guess maybe it would be better from now on, if when I had a problem with
something, I said it. Instead of just holding it in. Since we know that you don’t ever
hold anything in.” I giggled and poked his chest playfully. “But thank you. And really,
I’m sorry for calling you names before and everything. I didn’t mean it. I love your
personality. I- what’s that?”

I spotted two suitcases near the front door. One was purple and the other one was black.
Edward looked at me, beaming.

“I was going to bring you somewhere, for your birthday. I didn’t think you still wanted
to so…”

I looked at the suitcases, and then back at him. This had Alice written all over it. “Of
course I want to! But… wait, how long are we going to be gone? I’m supposed to work,
and… dare I ask, what’s in that suitcase?”

“I took care of everything. Alice gave you off. And she packed the suitcase for you.”

“Edward… you sneaky little bastard. Can we still go?”

“Yeah.”

“Right now?”

He laughed. “Sure. Let me just grab my stuff.”

I watched curiously as he ran around the apartment, shutting off all the lights and
locking the balcony door. He shoved a handful of stuff into his pocket and opened a
drawer in the kitchen to pull out a set of keys that I’d never seen him use.

“So where are we going?” I asked as I followed him down the hallway, rolling my
purple suitcase that was full of who the hell knows what.

“It’s a surprise, Bella. It’s not anything amazing. I’m not bringing you to Paris or
anything, so don’t get too excited.”

“London?”

“No.”

“Cancun?”

“No.”

“Las Vegas?”

He ignored me.

When we stepped off the elevator, instead of going through the lobby to leave like we
normally would, he turned and walked down a long hallway.

“Uh… where the eff are we going?”

“The parking garage.”

“Parking garage? Your building has a parking garage? And you have a car?”

“Uh, yeah.” He frowned at me, mildly offended. I didn’t want to piss him off more by
asking him what the fuck the purpose of a car was when he lived in New York City.
Then I remembered he was a spoiled little bitch so why wouldn’t he have a pointless
car?

Edward pushed the door at the end of the hallway and started walking across the garage.
He stopped in front of a silver Volvo and popped the trunk open. I tried to help, but he
grabbed the suitcase away from me. I made my way to the passenger seat and made
myself comfortable. The car was impeccably clean, of course. Edward slid into the seat
next to me a minute later and pulled out of the parking lot. Watching him drive was
strangely erotic to me. Actually, watching him do anything was strangely erotic to me,
but driving was something new.

“So, Volvo, huh? This is way less ostentatious then what I thought of when you said
you had a car.”

“Volvos are solid. Shut the fuck up.” I laughed as he flipped through his iPod, barely
paying attention to the road.

“So, um, does Alice know where we’re going? Just in case you decide to go all horror
movie on me and try and chop my body up or something.”

“If I was gonna do that, it would’ve already happened.”

“Comforting, thanks.”

He rolled his eyes. “She knows where we’re going. So do Emmett and Rose, and my
parents. Okay?”

I had no idea where we were going. I barely knew my way around New York, let alone
outside of the city. I knew we were on a highway. In what direction we were going, I
had no idea. I didn’t even know if we were still in New York, for that matter.

The ride with Edward was amazing. Just watching him drive made me happy. The way
his fingers wrapped around the steering wheel. The way he huffed and groaned when
someone else driving did something to make him angry. The way he tapped his hand on
the gearshift to the beat of the music that was playing. The way he’d look over at me
every couple of minutes and smile. It was an unforgettable ride.

When we’d been driving for almost two hours, Edward got off the highway. I stared out
the window as we drove over a long bridge, that led to a patch of land surrounded by
water. It was beautiful. We pulled up to a traditional, average sized white house that was
on the beach. I jumped out of the car and stared up at it with astonishment.

“What do you think?” Edward walked around the car and stood next to me.

“It’s perfect. Who’s house is this?”

He smirked. “Mine.”

I blinked a few times, waiting for him to start laughing or something.

“Who’s?”

“It’s mine.”

I raised my eyebrows and turned to him. “Edward? Why exactly do you have your own
beach house in this random little town?”

“Do you really even need to ask?” I nodded. “It was a graduation present.”

“Wow. For my graduation my dad bought me a plane ticket.”

“They didn’t buy me this. My like great-great-grandparents or something like that built
it and it’s been passed down over the years and my parents got this contemporary,
generic, glass shithole in the Hamptons and they were actually gonna try and sell this.
Ridiculous. So, I tried to convince my dad not to do it and on my graduation they
surprised me, blah blah. Anyway, I love it here. I thought you’d like it, too.”

“I do.” Without waiting for him, I ran up the steps to the front porch. While he
unpacked the car I put my face up to the window in the front door, trying to see inside. I
moved to the side when I heard him approaching, and waited excitedly for him to open
the door. When he pushed it open, I stood on the porch, just admiring.

“Edward… this is adorable.” The front door opened to a living room, with white wood
paneled walls from floor to ceiling. There were two fluffy beige sofas in the middle,
with beach themed decorations surrounding them everywhere; on the walls, on the
coffee table, on the small kitchen bar to the right of the living room. The barstools were
unmatching and the paint was peeling off them, but I was sure they were purposely
made that was. The kitchen counter was covered with blue and green vintage, worn
looking tiles and there were huge windows along the back wall the overlooked the
beach. Then entire place was so full of charm and character that I walked around for a
good twenty minutes just taking it all in.

Edward watched me the entire time. I found it oddly amusing seeing him in this
environment. In some ways he didn’t fit here. Rich boy, scruffy hipster Edward in this
rustic beach house, when I was so used to seeing him in his clean, modern, New York
City loft. But in some ways he did fit. He was sentimental. He always let me know
when something meant something to him. And he had a passion for things that weren’t
just beautiful, but had meaning. It was one of the things I admired about him.

I walked over to the sliding glass doors in the living room. Outside there was a large
deck that wrapped around the house. I could hear the waves crashing against the shore
through the closed doors.

“Can we go to the water?”

“Sure.” He sat down and removed his sneakers before joining me outside.

We walked down the walkway that went over the dunes and led to the beach. I let
Edward walk ahead of me across the sand so that I could watch him. It was still hot out,
and every few seconds the wind blew, making his shirt billow out behind him. He
seemed so much more calm and relaxed here then he did at home. It was like seeing a
side of him that I never had before.

When we reached the water, Edward walked right up to it, not worrying that the bottom
of his jeans were getting soaked. “It’s warm.”

I skipped past him so that the water rose up past my ankles. It was definitely warm.
“Let’s go swimming!”

I looked around the beach to see if anyone else was in the water, but it was
unsurprisingly deserted. There were some people fishing off a jetty in the distance. A

little boy and his mother were trying to fly a kite behind us. There was a middle aged
couple walking up the shore away from us. But no one else was around.

“You want to go swimming?” I nodded at him, ready to jog back to the house to get my
bathing suit.

Edward had other ideas.

He ripped his hat off and threw it onto the dry sand before running up to me and lifting
me onto his shoulder. I was squealing and laughing uncontrollably as he ran full speed
into the water, dropping me when the water went past his waist. We laughed and played
in the water in a way that I hadn’t done since I was a little girl. I didn’t care that I hated
Edward a couple of hours before that. I didn’t care that it was the middle of September
and we were the only people in the beach. I didn’t care that I had ruined the expensive
clothes that I had on that Alice and Rose had bought me. And most importantly I didn’t
care that me & Edward were completely and totally dysfunctional. I was happier in that
moment then I’d ever been in my life. I was happy just being with him.

Eventually the sun started to go down and the temperature dropped a little. We made
our way back into the house, our clothes dripping salt water and sand across the floor.
Edward didn’t seem to mind it. We showered at the same time, in the two separate
bathrooms, and when I emerged he was already dressed in dry jeans and a black t-shirt.
His cheeks were tinted a little bit red and the back of his neck and the shoulders of his
shirt were covered in little water droplets from his hair. He smelled like the ocean and
soap and rain and ugh. I had to use all my self control in order to not drop my towel
right there and jump on him.

“I’m gonna run to the store to get a couple of things before it closes. Do you want to
come?”

“No, it’s okay.” I zipped open the suitcase that Alice had packed for me and stared
down at it with contempt. I shuffled through it for any type of comfortable pajamas.
Lingerie, Alice? Really?

“Do you want anything?”

“No, I’m good.” I wasn’t about to ask him to pick me up a six pack of Hane’s t-shirts.
After he left I threw on some lacy bra and boy shorts since it was the most decent type
of underwear she’d packed. I decided to go through Edward’s suitcase to steal a pair of
his boxers and one of his overpriced t-shirts to wear to sleep. That bastard definitely
wasn’t wearing Fruit of the Loom. They were way too soft and fit too well.

When I flipped back the top of his suitcase, the first thing on the top was a white t-shirt.
Perfect. I flipped through the rest of his neatly folded piles, but didn’t see any boxers.
Maybe they were at the bottom? I stuck my hand deep into the suitcase and felt around.
Suddenly, I hit something plastic and I heard a rattling noise. I wrapped my hand around
whatever it was and pulled, my nosy instincts taking over.

It was a bottle of prescription medication. I held the label up to my face to read it.

Cullen, Edward. DOB 06/20/84. Lithium Carbonate 900 mg. Take orally twice daily.

I sat down on the bed, holding the bottle in my hand. Lithium? What did people take
Lithium for? This was something Renee would know. I ran to my purse to retrieve my
cell phone and returned back to my spot on the bed. I didn’t feel like talking and
explaining myself, so I just texted her.

Mom- what do doctors prescribe lithium for?

I got a response a few seconds later.

Manic depression.

I laid the phone on the bed next to me and starting thinking about things.

Okay, this kind of made sense. Edward had severe mood swings. Hello, obvious. When
he was happy, he was really happy. When he wasn’t, he really wasn’t. Fine. He had
weird sleeping habits. He definitely abused alcohol when he drank.

As I started to think, the list grew longer and longer. A lot of times he wasn’t happy or
sad, he was just… there. Empty. Certain unexplainable things made him extremely
irritable. Like his parents. He was forgetful a lot of the time. His eating habits were
bizarre. He slept with a lot of women. Ughhh.

This shit was so obvious it was screaming in my face.

But, something here wasn’t adding up. Why would everyone- Rose, Emmett, his family,
even him- want to keep this a secret? And why was Rose so extremely against me
seeing him because of this? Was everyone so fucking shallow and inhumane that they
couldn’t look past the fact that Edward was sick and that this wasn’t his fault? How was
this the thing that was so horrible and awful? It didn’t make sense.

Most of all, what didn’t make sense was the fact that I was sitting here, with an almost
empty bottle of medication in my hand. That meant he was taking it. And the whole
point of taking medicine like this was to control the symptoms. So why the fuck did he
have all the symptoms still? Something wasn’t right here. Something was fucked up.

And sweet Jesus, I’d called him a psychotic bipolar piece of shit this morning. I was the
devil.

I’d had it with everything. I was going to confront him about it, and I was going to get
answers, today. I wanted Edward, and whatever it was that was standing in the way, I
was going to find out, and I was going to make it work.

Still, I was scared shitless.

I sat there on the bed just thinking, not moving, the entire time he was out. I heard the
car pull up in the driveway. I heard his footsteps on the front porch. I heard his voice,
when he walked in the house and called my name.

“I’m in here.” I had to force the words out.

I heard him drop a bag on the counter and within seconds he was standing in the
doorway in front of me. His eyes widened when he looked at me, and only then did I
realize I was still sitting in my lacy fucking lingerie and nothing else.

“Sorry-” He turned around to walk out.

“No.”

Edward frowned and took a couple steps toward me. “Are you okay-”

“I’m fine. I need to talk to you.” A look of worry suddenly spread over his face. He
spotted my cell phone on the bed, so he walked the remaining steps between us and
kneeled down in front of me.

“What happened?” I took a deep breath and stood up. I proceeded to direct him so that
he was sitting on the edge of the bed, and I was standing in front of him.

“Edward.” I pointed at his suitcase, that was still propped open on the floor. “I wasn’t
snooping. I just wanted to get a t-shirt…” I bent down and picked up the pill bottle that
I’d dropped back onto one of the piles. “I found this.”

He rested his elbows on his knees and put his face in his hands. He didn’t say anything.

“Why wouldn’t you just tell me something like this? This is not a big deal-”

“Bella, just stop. Just… don’t worry about this.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at him, confused. “Don’t worry about this?
I don’t really care. This is not something that has to come between us. You and your
family are the ones who think this is so major that-”

“No. No, Bella. You have no fucking idea. I don’t want to talk about this, so just stop.”

I put my hand under his chin and tilted his head up so he had no choice but to look at
me.

“I’m not going to stop. We’re going to talk this through, and I’m not taking no for an
answer. I care about you too much.” Edward pushed my hand away and stood up,
suddenly livid.

“We’re not talking about anything! I’m leaving.” He started to walk out of the room, but
I latched onto his arm and pulled him with all my might.

“Stop it! You’re not running away from me! Edward, talk to me. Why won’t you just
talk to me?” I was breaking down. I hadn’t even realized I was that close to tears, but
before I knew it I was sobbing.

He shut his eyes for a second, clearly effected by the fact that I was so upset. Without
saying anything, he sat back down on the edge of the bed and looked up at me.

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything.” I couldn’t think up coherent questions in my mind to ask him.

“Like…?”

“Like why didn’t you just fucking tell me from the beginning? We could’ve avoided so
much shit-”

“Like what? Your friends trying to make you not talk to me? They would’ve done that
anyway.” I knew right then that I wasn’t getting anywhere with him.

“How long…”

“Since I was seventeen.”

This just confused me more. He’d known for… six years and his symptoms still weren’t
controlled? Maybe he needed a new doctor or something.

“Is this why your mother told me you shouldn’t have a girlfriend? Because really, I’m
about to call your parents and rip them a new one.”

“No… I don’t know? Who cares what she says. This doesn’t concern you, Bella. Just
stay out of it.”

I felt hopeless. I needed to get through to him. I needed to find a way to show him that
shit like this wasn’t going to keep me away from him.

“It does concern me.”

“How?” His face was drooping. I hated seeing him like that.

“Because… I love you.” God, did I just say it? Yes, I did. I was desperate.

Edward looked down at the floor and chuckled.

“Bella, you don’t love me.”

“Yes I do!” I needed to be close to him. I pushed his shoulders back and straddled him
on the bed, wrapping my arms around him and I continued talking into his ear. “This
isn’t about you saying anything back to me- I don’t expect you to. But, I love you. I
love everything about you, including your flaws because they’re yours. There’s nothing
that you could say or do that’s going to keep me away from you. I need you. I only feel
like myself when I’m with you, and I want to be with you, always. And I’ll do anything
for you. Please, Edward. Just please let me fix this.”

The room was silent except for his breathing. I was holding my breath, waiting for an
answer. What he gave me was better.

He reached up and removed my arms from around his neck. I leaned back, bemused,
and watched as Edward gulped before lifting his arms and peeling off his t-shirt. I’d
seen him without a shirt plenty of times, but right now was different. This was for me. I
could touch, and feel and kiss and he was mine. I looked up from his bare torso for a
second to look into his eyes, and before I knew it, his hands were all over me and we
were kissing and I felt the familiar taste of his tongue and his breath and everywhere his
hands touched left a tingle of warmth on my skin. His lips traveled from my lips to my
neck and he was licking and biting and sucking and kissing me across my collarbone. I
leaned back against his hand and felt the vibration of his groan on my chest as his
mouth moved down to my lace bra, and I silently thanked Alice for that. His hands
adjusted on my back and he skillfully unlatched my bra without even trying and I let it
slide down my shoulders and down my arms and before I could toss it aside his palms
were already all over me, and it felt amazing. And then he moved his hands and his
mouth was on me, and I could feel him through his jeans, and I couldn’t take it
anymore. I needed him.

“Bella.” Hearing him moan my voice between his kisses sent me over the edge. I
shoved his shoulders as hard as I could so that he was lying on the bed, and I started
kissing his face again, and feeling his chest with my hands, and touching his hair and
pressing myself against him with a craving need and pure desire that I’d never before
felt in my life. Edward took charge and flipped both our bodies over so that he was on
top of me, and he let out a growl deep in his chest as he forced his hips against me and I
struggled with the button on his jeans. I finally got it and I shoved his boxers and his
jeans down in one shot and I gasped for air and just stared at Edward in all his
magnificence. He grabbed the elastic band on my underwear and threw them behind
him, and then he just sat there and looked at me, and I looked at him, and I couldn’t take
it. I didn’t want foreplay, and I didn’t want to wait, I just wanted him right then inside
of me, all of him. And he knew this. With one push Edward was inside, and my body
responded to his in ways that I didn’t know was possible. He thrusted into me and I
cried and begged him for more over and over and his hair was falling in his eyes and the
moonlight made his skin glow and when I touched his face he smiled. And he kissed me
and I kissed him back and I moaned and laughed and loved, and I was so happy. And I
was overwhelmed. And my body couldn’t take it anymore and Edward held me as my
back arched and my muscles clenched and I sighed his name over and over. And I felt
him, warm inside of me, and we laid there, not moving, just breathing in and out in each
others ears. And when he rolled off me my chest tightened and I didn’t want him to
leave, and he saw the look of desperation on my face, so he moved back over because I
needed him there. I didn’t want to leave his side, ever.

*

I had sex with Edward two more times before we went to sleep. I didn’t even remember
falling asleep, to be honest. But, when I woke up, my legs were wrapped around his and
his arms were wrapped around my back and my head was resting on his chest and we
were still naked and it was the best morning of my life. I moved a little bit and I felt
Edward’s breathing change, and he stretched his arms out behind my back.

“Hey.” I heard his sleepy, velvety voice.

“Hi.”

“How long have you been up?” He asked me before turning his head toward the
window.

“A little while.” I combed my fingers through his crazy hair.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I was watching you sleep.”

He laughed. “Why?”

“Because you’re so handsome.” I touched the tip of his nose with my finger quickly
before he laughed again.

“Well, you’re beautiful.” He rolled over to his side and kissed my forehead. “And I love
your body.” I felt his hands move down my back under the sheet. “And I love the way
you taste. And how your skin feels against mine.”

Never since I’d known him had I heard Edward talking this way. It didn’t fit his little
‘cool guy’ persona.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah!” He rolled on top of me and supported his upper body with his elbows. “And I
should’ve told you yesterday. But, I love you.”

What?

That I did not expect from him.

"You... you love me?"

“Of course I do, Bella. You should know that without me saying.” I closed my eyes and
smiled, too euphoric to say anything at all. “So, do you want to leave tonight or
tomorrow morning?”

“Never.” He laughed. “Tomorrow.”

The entire day was incredible. Edward made me breakfast. We went swimming in the
ocean. We did it in the ocean. We took a nap in our bathing suits. We showered
together. I made him dinner and we ate outside in the sunset. We had a repeat of the
night before. We never mentioned the breakdown from the night before. When I woke
up the morning after, I had to fight back tears.

“I don’t want to leave.” I pouted as I sat in the hot leather seat of the Volvo. He
squeezed my leg and smiled.

“We can come back whenever you want.”

“I want to live here.”

Edward laughed. “One day, Bella.”

The entire ride back to the city I was trying to force myself back to reality. I had some
serious shit that I needed to discuss with Rosalie and Alice. And Emmett, and Edward’s
two jerk off parents. I repeated my speech to Rosalie in my head six times. I doubted I’d
actually use it, but I wanted to be prepared on the off chance that she didn‘t interrupt
me. When we pulled up in front of my building I started crying. I don’t know why.

“Bella, it’s okay.” He was confused. I didn’t blame him. He held me to his chest and
rubbed my head soothingly. “I’ll see you later, okay? I promise.”

After he got my suitcase from the trunk, I rolled it to the front of my building and sat on
it and cried. I called my mother and told her the whole story and I cried for at least an
hour. Because I didn’t know what to do. Because I was happy. Because I felt like I
made a breakthrough with Edward. Because I was scared of the fight that was about to
erupt when I went upstairs to face Rosalie. Because Edward wasn’t there with me.

Finally, after some coaxing from our doorman, I made my way inside. I dropped my
suitcase in the foyer and made a beeline for Rosalie’s bedroom. When I pushed the door
open, Alice and Rose were sitting on the edge of her bed, flipping through a magazine.

“Bella! What’s wrong?” Alice looked worried.

“I want to know everything. Now.”

Overdose

RPOV

Bella was crying. Actually, she was past crying. Her eyes were so swollen they were
barely open. Her cheeks were red and puffy. There were wet marks on the front of her
shirt. It only took one look at her for me to tell- she knew.

Alice said something, but my mind was spinning. Why the fuck wasn't Emmett here
right now? I didn't know what to do.

"I want to know everything. Now."

What could I say? Fuck. This was bad. It was one thing for me to omit information. It
was another thing for me to lie right to her face.

"What... what do you mean?" I tried to delay it enough for me to think.

"I know, Rose! What I'm not understanding right now is why you couldn't tell me. What
the fuck kind of a person are you?"

She was right. What kind of a person was I? How could I let my best friend get involved
this far without warning her?

"Bella, don't yell at her-" This time I was able to make out Alice’s words.

"Alice, shut up! Just shut the fuck up! I know you knew too. You didn't tell me either.
Do you want to tell me the whole story instead?" Alice sat there, silent. "I didn't think
so. So just sit there, and shut your mouth."

"What did he do to you? I'll kill him-” I stood up from the bed, enraged.

"He didn't do anything! I found out two days ago, and we were perfectly fine, and I had
an amazing time, and- don't act like you're my friend, now! Neither of you are really my
friends! I can't be around people who are so small-minded, and unforgiving of other
peoples faults."

How was she taking this so lightly? What the fuck was wrong with her? What did he tell
her? How could her fucking common sense and judgment be so clouded?

"How... how did you find out?" Alice was way calmer then I was. I wish she would've
not listened to me and told Bella. I wish I was hadn’t been such a self-centered bitch. I
wish that Emmett hadn’t laid such a big guilt trip on me.

"I was looking for something in his suitcase, and I-”

"Obviously."

I cut her off. It didn't matter how she found out. She knew, and she wanted answers, and
Emmett was going to hate me.

"I want to know everything. I want to know why you didn't tell me. I want to know why
you thought this was a reason to keep us apart. I want to know why this is such a big
deal. And I'm not going to ask you again. If you don't tell me the truth right now then
our friendship is over. My friendship with both of you is over. The both of you will be
dead to me."

Bella wasn't fucking around. She was out for blood. I knew I shouldn’t have been pissed
at her, but I couldn’t help it. I was furious with the whole situation. I hated that I
accidentally got stuck in the middle of this shit. I hated that I tried to do what was right,
and failed more than once. I hated Bella right now for making me feel like such a bad
person. I hated Edward for making Bella be on his side.

"I think you need to reexamine your life, Bella."

“Yeah, and I think you need to reexamine yours, because you, Rosalie Hale, are fucked
up.”

That bitch.

“Oh, I’m fucked up? Your little boyfriend is a junkie and you don’t care, and I’m fucked
up?”

Dead silence.

“Wait, wh-what did you say?” Bella seemed so surprised she could barely speak. I
looked at Alice, who’s eyes were popped out of her head. Uh oh.

“I… I thought you said… you knew.” What did I just do?

The tension in the room was suffocating. Bella swallowed heavily and held her hand to
her chest, taking deep breaths as she looked at the ground. My palms were sweaty, and I
was trying to think of how I'd explain this to Emmett. I didn't know where to start.

“What do you mean… junkie?”

“Bella, you said you knew. What else were you talking about?” Alice walked up to her
and put her hand on her shoulder gently. Bella didn’t look up, or move, she just stood
there staring at the ground.

“I… I found his medicine- I… I thought…”

Alice spun around to me, frowning.

“How could you not know he was bipolar? I mean, the fucking kid is the moodiest
person I’ve ever known-”

“Shut up, Rose! Stop insulting him.” Bella swiped at her eyes quickly and looked at me.
“I still want to know.”

I nodded at Bella and took a deep breath. “Maybe you should sit down.” Instead of
walking over to the bed, Bella just leaned against the wall and sank down to the floor.
"I'm just going to tell you the story. And when I'm done, you can ask me whatever you
want."

I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and texted Emmett.

Come here RIGHT NOW.

"Okay." I took another deep breath. "Do you remember when you first moved here?
And we went to that party uptown, and the boys were all there? You were wearing the
black dress, and it was the first time you met Jasper?"

Bella nodded.

"Well, that was the night I found out. And something happened. Emmett had no choice
but to tell me, and that was why I didn't want you around Edward."

I didn’t even want to go to that party. I hated the whole scene. I agreed to go to these
stupid functions a couple of times a year… why the hell did I choose to go that night?

"Wait, that night? That doesn't even make sense. You told me before then to stay away
from him."

"Just listen to me." Bella closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall,
waiting. “You left the bar. And we couldn’t find you. So, Alice stayed with Emmett and
Jasper and she was trying to call you while I went around and looked for you. My cell
phone was dying. It was your first night out here, and we were worried… anyway, when
we first got there, Emmett told me, ‘Please, help me keep an eye on Edward. It’s
important.’ I didn’t really think anything of it because Emmett is always watching him.”

God, how long ago had I texted Emmett? I looked at my phone. Two minutes. Shit.
Why was time passing so slowly?

“So, when I walked outside to see if you were there, I saw Edward getting into a cab. I
asked him if he saw you, and he said you left. And Bella, he was absolutely obliterated.
He could barely stand up. I knew Emmett was going to be freaking out if he couldn’t
find Edward, so instead of trying to keep him from getting in the cab, I just… got in.”

Recalling that night started to make me nervous. I fought it back as I kept talking to
Bella.

“I figured that if I was with him, at least I could tell Emmett where we were. And
Edward was screaming at me, and cursing and pushing me, telling me to get the fuck
out of the cab, go home, get away from him.”

I thought that Edward didn’t want me in the cab because we hated each other. I realized
afterward that he didn’t want me there because he was trying to protect me.

“I should’ve never gotten in, but I was drunk also, and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I never
heard the address that Edward had given the driver, and I just remember looking up and
thinking, where the fuck are we? I had no idea. When we were still in the cab, Emmett
called me, freaking out because he couldn’t find either of us.”

I glanced up at Bella, who was still listening intently. Emmett’s words repeated
themselves over in my head. “Fuck! Damn it Rose, why’d you get in? What the fuck am
I supposed to do now?” I left out all the expletives for Bella’s sake.

“I told him to calm down, that I was with Edward, but I had no idea where we were
going. That Edward wouldn’t tell me. That I knew we were heading farther uptown, but
besides for that, I had no idea. He started flipping the fuck out. Like, legitimately, I’ve
never heard Emmett sound so freaked out in his life. I asked him what was wrong, and
he wouldn’t tell me. He said to stay with Edward, that he knew where we were going
and he’d be there as soon as he could. To just stay with Edward. Not to leave him. And
then my phone died.”

My voice cracked as I recalled the way Emmett sounded that night. I tried not to think
about it ever. I’d retold this story twice- once to Carlisle, and once to Alice. And both
times, I cried at this point.

“When the cab stopped, I looked around and I just remember thinking, I’m going to die
tonight. We were in this shitty, run down neighborhood. There was no one around,
except for a couple of people standing on the corner, and just homeless people
everywhere… it was just, this ridiculous place. I mean, the windows were broken in all
the buildings, and clearly most of the buildings in that neighborhood were abandoned,
and, Bella, I’m not stupid- I knew what we were there for. I didn’t want to get out of the
cab. But Edward did, and right then I could’ve just gone back home, or I could’ve gone
with him. And something in me told me just to stay with him. And I mean, not that I’d
be much help, but just seeing him so desperate, and leaving him alone… I mean if
something would’ve happened to him I would’ve felt responsible. So I went.”

I sighed and looked at Bella, who had tears running down her face. She was already
crying. I didn’t want to say anymore.

“Bella, I don’t know if you want me to-”

“No. Keep going.”

“Okay…”

I felt dizzy. Where was Emmett?

“The cab seriously peeled out. Like the driver knew to get away from there. I grabbed
onto Edward’s arm and he could barely walk, but somehow he knew how to get to this
place… it was beyond me. We walked through this dark alleyway between these two
dilapidated buildings and there was broken furniture and garbage and it smelled
awful… it was just disgusting. Edward pushed open this door on the side of one of the
buildings, and he tried to make me wait there. And I was so scared I seriously was about
to piss myself so I held onto him when he tried to close the door and finally he gave
up.”

The way that I felt when I walked into the building made my stomach twist. I’d never
been so afraid in my life.

“Inside there was just this hallway that had graffiti all over it and it was dark except for
one light bulb in the middle of it and I felt like I was in a god damn horror movie. And I
was drunk and that made it so much worse because I was so scared I wanted to throw
up. Anyway, Edward knocks on one of the doors and this huge ass scary guy opens it,
and he’s like ‘Rich boy! Back so soon?’ and in my mind I’m just going what the fuck?
How many times a day does he come to this shithole?”

“Oh, God.” Apparently Bella didn’t want to hear that.

“So, the guy looks at me, and says something perverted, and Edward tells him to fuck
off, and then they go inside and Edward says to wait there. And I hear yelling inside,
and a woman screaming, and I’m literally just standing there in this fucking drug hole
trying to calm myself enough so that I don’t have a heart attack. And Edward comes
stumbling out after like two minutes and I’m just like, thank GOD let’s get the fuck out
of here.”

I rubbed my eyes with my fingertips and pressed down lightly on my temples. I did not
want to continue talking about this. Not at all.

But I was done with all the lying and the hiding. I owed it to her after everything I’d
done to just be honest. Maybe after I was done she’d understand.

“We get back out to the alley. And Edward stops, and kneels down next to this broken
wooden chair. And it’s like pitch dark outside, and I can’t see anything… and all I hear
is him… snorting something.” I keep my face down when I realize I’m crying. “And
then I hear nothing. I just see him, and he’s hunched over on top of the chair, and I
started shaking him, and he wasn’t moving. I was terrified… I didn’t know what to do.
So I pull out my phone, and it wouldn’t turn on, and I didn’t want to just leave him
there- and my mind, it just wasn’t working right, so I ran to the end of the alley. And I
saw two women walking, and I was hysterical and screaming and I told them I needed
help, that Edward was back there, but they were scared, and they knew it had something
to do with drugs and they didn’t want to get involved. They told me police watched the
area and that I should get back to my friend. And I started throwing up, because I was
just so… lost. I didn’t know…”

I wiped the tears from my cheeks and let myself take a few breaths. Remembering how
hopeless I felt at that moment scared me. I’d never felt so weak and powerless before.

“Bella, I didn’t know what to do. There were no cabs around. No people who weren’t
fucking cracked out or bums. I had no cell phone. Emmett still wasn’t there and I didn’t
even know if he was definitely coming, because I never told him where I was. I doubted
that he had ever been there before. So I ran back to Edward.”

Bella had crawled forward a little bit so that she was closer to me. And Alice had
walked out of the room, refusing to listen to the story for the second time.

“I wanted to make sure he was okay, so when I went back there… I kneeled next to him.
He had thrown up and there was blood running from his nose, down his face and it was
all over his shirt. So, I don’t know, my first instinct was to turn him on his side, so he
wouldn’t choke on his own throw up.”

I thought back to the despair that I felt as I sat in the alleyway alone, trying to remember
what to do in a situation like that. I laid him on the floor, and I turned his head to make
sure there was nothing left in his mouth. I cursed myself for not paying more attention
in my high school health classes.

“And then I heard his phone ringing… so I reached in his pocket and found it, and it
was Emmett. I told him everything, and he was screaming and cursing, and asking me
why I didn’t stop him. And I asked him how was I supposed to know that he was going
to keel over from snorting coke? And Emmett told me because it wasn’t coke. That is
was heroin. And then I started screaming because I was sure he was going to die. And
then Emmett calmed down enough to tell me to shut up and ask me if he was breathing.
I was so freaked out, I didn’t even check to see that he was still breathing until Emmett
said to. And he was breathing, but barely. Emmett told me he would be there in a
minute. To just sit there, and try to wake Edward up, and make sure he keeps
breathing.”

Bella was crying harder now, and I didn’t blame her. This was one of the reasons I
didn’t want to have to be the one to tell her. I wouldn’t want someone telling me shit
about Emmett overdosing and almost dying.

“So I sat there with Edward, just rubbing his hair and talking to him and trying to wake
him up and I cleaned all the blood from his face. And finally, Emmett was there. He
told me to help him. So we lifted him up from the ground and carried him to the taxi
that Emmett made wait. And when the driver saw Edward he wouldn’t let us get in and
he almost drove away. Emmett threw a wad of money at him and the guy was cursing at
us in another language, and then Emmett gave him Edward’s address. And the driver
was like, ‘No, I’ll only take you to the hospital’ and Emmett took out Edward’s wallet
from his pocket and threw whatever money was it in to the driver and he finally started
driving. At this point, I had no idea what the fuck was going on. I told Emmett we had
to go to the hospital. I told him that if we didn’t, Edward was going to die. He told me
to shut up. That we weren’t going to the hospital. That the police would be there, and
Edward would go to jail and if his dealer got busted he’d probably kill Edward and
Emmett, too. He said that he knew what to do because he’d done this before.”

“Oh, my god.” Bella rocked her body back and forth and cradled her head in her hands.

“We got back to his apartment. I have no idea how we did it, but we managed to drag
him upstairs. I almost collapsed as soon as we walked into the apartment, and so we
dropped him right there on the floor. Edward’s lips were blue, and he was drenched in
sweat from head to toe and I could see Emmett starting to get really nervous and he was
cursing, and crying and saying that he wasn’t breathing. I asked him what I could do to
help, so he told me to climb on top of Edward’s kitchen counter, and on top of the
cabinets that there was a black case. I got it down and brought it over to him.”

Alice came back in to room with a two glasses of water. She handed one to me and one
to Bella.

“There was some kind of a syringe in it- I wasn’t really paying attention. He said
Carlisle had taught him what to do. He handed me some elastic thing and made me tie it
around Edward’s arm, so I was doing that while he was getting ready. And Edward’s
eyes were rolled in the back of his head, and his skin was turning this… weird gray
color and I just kept thinking, he’s going to die, and I’m never going to forgive myself.
And Emmett’s parents are going to kill him for not taking Edward to the hospital, and
for the rest of my life I’m going to have to live with the fact that I let someone die right
in front of my face.” I took a gulp of the water. “Emmett gave him the shot. We sat there
and waited. And it was maybe a minute, but it felt like forever, and finally he started
coughing and choking and he ran to the bathroom and threw up. And I cried, and
Emmett was crying. I got him clean clothes and went into the bathroom, but he was
delirious and… confused. I tried to help him change because he was covered in blood
and sweat and throw up, but all I could do was take his shirt off and he started
screaming and cursing at me and he fell and split his head open. It was a nightmare.”

Suddenly, I heard my name being called from the other room. Finally. Emmett pushed
open the door and instantly realized what was up.

“Was… was that all?” Bella asked timidly.

I nodded. “He woke up the next morning and didn’t remember anything. He didn’t
know what happened. I didn’t know if he did it on purpose, or if he just accidentally did
too much, or-”

“Rosalie…” Emmett said my name with disgust. “What did you do?”

“She needed to know. I’m not sorry, Emmett. I’m done being in the middle of this.
Bella, if you have anything to ask, ask Emmett. He can tell you more then I can.”

Bella looked up at Emmett and then down at the floor. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why
didn’t any of you just tell me and let me decide for myself?”

“Because. I asked them not to tell you.” Emmett walked over to Bella and squatted next
to her on my floor.

“He doesn’t do it when he’s around me. I know he doesn’t.”

Poor Bella was in denial.

Emmett rolled his eyes and put his hand on her back. “Believe me when I say, Bella…
he always does it.”

She had stopped crying now, and I was pretty sure she was just in shock about the
whole thing.

“Why didn’t you want them to tell me?” She looked at Emmett, forlorn. She wanted an
honest reason.

“Because. Edward was different when he was around you. It was the first time in so
long that I’d seen any change from him… I just wanted to see what would happen. It
was the first time I had hope that things would change.”

“Emmett… I’m just not getting why you feel like it’s your place to make these
decisions. It’s not your life.”

“Because, Bella. This is all my fault. I feel… responsible for how he is now.”

Bella stared at Emmett, confused.

“How is it your fault?”

I’d asked Emmett the same thing that night. It was what he said to me that kept me from
telling Bella. My loyalty and devotion to Emmett kept me from doing what was right
for my best friend.

“It’s a long story.” He didn’t want to tell her. He hated what he did.

“Tell me the short version.”

Emmett took a deep breath and looked at the ground.

“When Edward first got sick… my parents, they didn’t believe him. They thought he
was slacking off and acting out because they were always so hard on him. He trusted
me, and he came to me always instead of them, because I believed him. I knew
something was wrong, and I saw Edward getting worse and worse. I had moved out,
and Edward called me one night panicking, and he was torn apart and so… devastated.
Because our parents weren’t helping him, and he was scared. I brought him out with me
to a party, to keep his mind off everything. And we were drunk and someone offered it
to him and I’d done it before so I knew how it felt and I thought… just let him do it. It’ll
make him feel happy, and numb… even just for a little while. I introduced him to it,
Bella. And yeah, maybe I didn’t make him an addict but he knew it was out there, and
only then that my parents saw a drastic change did they do something. But it was too
late. And once he started going to school and hanging out with all those fucking people,
and working… it was easy for him to get it. And he did. And it just kept getting worse
and worse, and now it’s like this cycle- Edward’s manic or depressed, Edward does
heroin, Edward doesn’t take his medicine and he keeps feeling like shit, so he gets high.
It’s my fault. I just… I try to do whatever I can to help him. I don’t want to see my
brother die, or go to jail or something…”

Bella soaked in everything Emmett had said and she stood up, shaking her head.

“Look… I’m sorry. I know that in your own, completely fucked up ways, you all think
that you’re helping, and that you’re doing what’s right. But this is not okay. He needs
help. Emmett, that’s what you should be doing, trying to get him clean. Not waiting for
him to do it himself. It’s not ever going to happen. I mean… he’s a grown man. He
can’t have someone there babysitting him for his entire life, just in case he overdoses or
something. Give me a fucking break… I’m going to talk to him.”

“Bella… you need to think about what you’re doing.” Emmett looked up at her from
where he was perched on the ground.

“I know what I’m doing. I’m doing what’s best for Edward. He’ll listen to me-”

“You can’t force someone into getting clean. They have to want to do it themselves.”

Bella laughed and looked up at the ceiling, slapping her hand against her leg.

“How the fuck is he going to want to do it himself? Why would he want to? He’s got an
unlimited amount of money, so he can buy it whenever he wants. He has you, who he
knows is going to be there picking up the pieces, so he doesn’t have to worry about
himself. He has parents that sit by and do nothing because they’re ashamed. He sees no
consequence in what he does. I’m going over there.”

Bella took a few steps toward the door and spun towards me before leaving.

“Rose, we’ll talk when I get back.”

EPOV

I took the last drag of my second cigarette and threw it into the street. Emmett had
called and told me Bella knew everything. That she was on her way over. So, I stood

outside of my building, chain smoking and waiting for her. I should’ve been nervous
about what she thought. And, I should’ve been relieved that now there were no more
secrets between us. But surprisingly I felt… nothing. I felt tired. I felt defeated. I felt
like giving up.

She pulled up in a cab a couple minutes later, her eyes swollen, her cheeks puffy. She
approached me slowly and stood in front of me, not speaking. After a minute I got
agitated.

“Say something.” I blew the smoke out of the side of my mouth so it didn’t go in her
face. She was making me more nervous just standing there then I would’ve been if she
was screaming at me.

She didn’t say anything.

I turned to walk inside, and she followed behind me. We made our way upstairs, and
once we were in the apartment I turned to face her. She hadn’t moved from her place by
the front door.

“Why’d you come here if you were just going to stand there mute?” She blinked at me a
couple of times and shrugged.

“I don’t know what to say.” Her voice was so quiet I barely heard her.

“How about, ‘Edward, you lied to me. You’re the most fucked up person that I’ve ever
known in my life and your problems are abysmal so don’t be mad, but I’m peacing the
fuck out of here and never coming back. Druggie.’” I smirked. “What do you think?”

She shook her head. “This isn’t funny. If that was how I felt, would I be here?”

“I don’t know?”

She took a few steps, closing the gap between us and wrapped her arms around my
chest, hugging me tightly. Too tightly. I didn’t hug her back. I was afraid to touch her. I
was afraid she wouldn’t want me, the fucked up bipolar heroin addict, touching her. She
was innocent.

“Bella…” I reached behind me and unlocked her arms, and kept my hands wrapped
around her wrists. I held my hands out in front of me and her face was so full of sorrow
and remorse… I couldn’t look at her. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong to me.”

She twisted her wrist around and pulled, trying to tell me to let go of her. So I did. Then,
she lifted her hand slowly and ran her fingers through my hair, down the back of my
head, and then she dropped her hand to my shoulder and her other one flitted across the
side of my cheek.

“Edward, I meant everything that I said yesterday. I told you, there was nothing that
was going to keep me away from you. That I’d do anything for you. I meant that. This
isn’t going to make me leave.”

Was she crazy? Probably. Did I love and appreciate the fact that she wasn’t scared
shitless right now and judging the fuck out of me? Yeah. Could I just stand by and let
her stay around me, as fucked up as I was? No way. This didn’t feel right. The whole
reason I didn’t tell her was because I was trying to protect her from it and now, she
knew and she was a part of it.

I loved her too much. She didn’t deserve this.

“Bella, I don’t think you know what you’re taking about.”

“Yes, I do. I’m absolutely sure about you. I’m staying with you, Edward.”

I couldn’t help it. I cupped her face in my hands and crushed her soft, pink lips into
mine. She reached around and pushed the back of my head forward, so she was holding
my mouth to hers. I felt her breathing speed up, and her mouth parted and her breath
was going into my mouth, and suddenly she pulled away from me.

“We need to talk about this, Edward.”

I nodded and kissed her again. “I know.”

I said the words without moving away from her lips. She started walking backward,
trying to pull away from me, but sill kissing me back. Bella stopped when her back hit
the wall. I wrapped my hands around her tiny waist and lifted her up with ease, pinning
her to the wall with my hips. Thank god she was wearing a skirt.

“Edward, listen.” She was gasping for air as I kissed my way down her neck, tasting her
sweet skin and breathing in the smell of her shampoo and the ocean from her hair. “I
love you. I want to help. Tell me…” She moaned as I reached under her skirt and
squeezed a handful of her ass. “Tell me how I can help.”

I stopped kissing her neck long enough to speak. “Stop talking.”

She giggled and reached down, pulling her shirt over her head and dropping it on the
floor by my feet. I struggled with mine, trying not to let her down from the wall, but
eventually Bella helped me pull it all the way off. She stared at my chest, her eyes
hooded and her hair falling loosely in her face. I watched as she ran her fingers down
the middle of my chest, over my belly button, and down my happy trail, biting her
bottom lip and smirking as she reached my boxers.

“Come on… you can’t just distract me with sex every time I need to talk to you about
something serious.”

Oh, yes I could.

I moved my hand that was still lifting her ass and slid it forward, until I reached her
underwear. Without giving her a change to say anything, I reached underneath them and
pushed a finger into her gently. She moaned, and pushed herself harder against my
hand. I started moving my hand back and forth, taking in Bella’s every breath and gasp
and whisper of my name. Her cheeks were turning red, and her nails were digging into
the flesh on my back, and every few seconds she’d push her face to mine and kiss me
with more longing and desire than any woman’s ever kissed me before.

“Edward, please.” Her hands were back at my boxers and she was sliding her fingers
teasingly under the elastic band. And then she nearly ripped the button off my jeans and
they fell around my ankles. She looked down, and then into my eyes, her face desperate
and full of sorrow.

“I promise, we’ll talk.” I touched her face with my one free hand. “I just… need you
right now.”

“I know. I need you too.” With one motion she’d pulled my boxers down to the top of
my thighs, and she’d lowered herself enough so she was right on top of me. I pulled out
my hand and pushed into her center, relishing in the way the blood rushed to her cheeks
and her back arched with every thrust. Her tongue swirled around in my mouth, pushing
against mine and she breathed my name into my mouth over and over. I started losing
control and I held her against the wall, pushing my hips against her harder and harder.

“Are you okay?” I didn’t want to hurt her. She nodded and moved my hands up her
back so that I was gripping onto her shoulders and she pushed down, making me go
deeper into her. The feeling sent a chill down my back.

“Keep going.” She was gasping and her nails were in my back again, but it felt so good,
and I almost felt like I was taking advantage of her at that moment, because she was so
generous. So beautiful, so forgiving, so tolerant, so laissez-faire. She was perfect, and I
was the opposite. I was fucked, and I was pulling this naïve woman under with me, to
this dark place that was… me. I knew better. She deserved more than me. The thought
of that made me sad, so I kept going, and I told her I was about to finish, and I moaned
that I loved her into her mouth and I felt her muscles clamping around me and then… I
stood there. I kissed her softly, and I lifted her by her waist and pulled out of her and I
dropped her on the floor and pulled my fucking pants up and grabbed my shirt and
walked into the bathroom, ashamed. And I turned the faucet on and splashed cold water
onto my face, and I don’t know why but my heart was pounding out of my chest and it
felt heavy, and my mind was swirling in a million directions and a sob escaped from
deep in my stomach and I crouched down on the floor and I cried. I had so many
emotions churning around inside my body and I was so overwhelmed and I didn’t know
what to do, or how to stop, but I just cried like a fucking baby.

After a few minutes Bella walked in, and I didn’t look at her because my head was
between my knees, and I felt like such a pussy, but I couldn’t stop. And she didn’t say
anything. She didn’t ask any questions. She just sat next to me and leaned her head on
my arm and played with a strand of hair on the back of my head. I felt myself calming,
and it was easier for me to breathe. I lifted the hem of my t-shirt to my face and rubbed
the wetness from my eyes before tilting my head slightly toward her.

“I’m sorry.”

BPOV

I hated that he kept apologizing to me. As if he had anything to apologize for. And he
was… crying. Seeing him cry broke my heart. I would’ve been hysterical if I didn’t
think that was only going to make things worse. Luckily, after a little while of me
sitting there not saying anything and just playing with a lock of his hair, he calmed
down enough to look at me. And he said sorry. For what, I have no idea.

Instead of asking, I kissed his forehead and ignored him.

“Come on.” I helped him up from the bathroom floor. The bathroom floor that was
tainted to me because it was mentioned in Rosalie’s little nightmare. In fact, the entire
apartment was tainted to me. I was so freaked out walking in there that everything I
planned on saying to Edward slipped from my mind.

I planned on screaming at him. I planned on cursing and insulting him, and maybe
punching him in the face again because the bastard lied to me, and I was going to make
him promise to get help. And then when I pulled up in the cab he was already standing
there, because he knew I was coming, and he knew that I knew, and he looked broken.
And I walked up to him and he was smoking and I saw the bruise on his face that I’d
given him and all of a sudden the last couple of days came floating back to me, and I
just stood there, because I loved Edward far too much to be mean to him or think poorly
of him ever again. No matter how wrong I thought what he was doing was.

I held Edward’s hand as we walked out of the bathroom. When we walked by the
entranceway, I ran over and picked up my shirt from the ground, throwing it over my
head on the walk back to him. I led him over to the living room and he dropped into the
sofa with a sigh. My body collapsed next to him and I slid down on my side, resting my
head in his lap. He put his hands in my hair like he always did, but he didn’t move
them. He just rested them there.

“Between… the trip, and saying that we… love each other, and you finding out about
whatever when we were there, and then Emmett calling me and telling me that Rose
told you about the drugs, and then seeing you here, not angry and just being so…
accepting. It was a lot for me to take in. I broke down. I’m sorry.”

“Uh… well how do you think I feel? And stop saying sorry. I’m glad you did it. At least
I’m seeing some kind of emotion out of you instead of… what I usually see.”

I heard Edward grunt and the muscles in him stomach clench. “Bella… why’d you
come here, exactly?”

“Because. You’re stopping this. I’m not Emmett or Esme or Carlisle… I’m not going to
let you do whatever you want. I’ll do whatever I have to. You can fight me all you want,
but I won’t give up.”

“Not that I’m trying to fight, but… okay, Rose had a bad experience. I fucked up. That
was one time… I-”

“First of all, Emmett told her that wasn’t the first time you’d done that. And I don’t care
if it was once- when you fucking OD it means you have a serious problem. You almost
died, Edward. How can you take that so lightly?”

I turned my head back to look up at his face. He was smiling.

“I didn’t mean to do it. I drank too much.” He shrugged. “You didn’t even know before
she told you. So what difference does it make?”

I knew this is what Emmett was talking about when he said that I couldn’t force Edward
into it. But, that didn’t change the fact that it pissed me off majorly. I turned my head
away from him and took a deep breath.

“It makes every fucking bit of difference in the world. I’m not going to sit here and
worry about you for the rest of my life-”

“I’m not asking you to.”

“I didn’t say you were. Edward, you’re acting like a dick. Talk to me without being so
condescending.” He sighed and leaned over, kissing my temple. “I want you to stop
doing it… if not for yourself, then for me.”

“What difference does it make to you?”

I sat up and burrowed myself into his side, leaning my chin against his shoulder.
“Because, I love you. I want to be with you, always. I want us to have a future together.
I want you to be happy, and you aren’t right now. And if you keep doing what you’re
doing, you never will be.”

I put my hand on Edward’s cheek and turned his head to mine. His green eyes were
deep in thought. I kissed his lips softly a few times before returning to my spot on his
lap.

“I need to think about things, Bella.” He threw him arm over the back of the sofa.

“No.” I stood up and spun around, kneeling in front of him. “This is it, Edward. You’re
doing it. There’s nothing to think about. You’ve hit rock bottom. You’re a fucking rich
kid that’s ridiculously talented, you have this amazing job and amazing apartment, great
friends, all the opportunities in the world, you have an amazing life… and you can’t
enjoy any of it, because you’re a god damn heroin addict who overdoses in alleyways in
the ghetto. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“Heroin addict who overdosed in an alleyway in the ghetto. Singular. Don’t
exaggerate.”

“It’s not funny.”

“I know.” He rubbed his eyes, which were still red from crying and he turned his head
to look out the window. “Okay. Fine, whatever you want.”

“Good. We’ll go talk to Carlisle later.”

“No, no, no. You’re going to step to the side and not have anything to do with this. Just
let me handle it.”

I made a face at him, but then I nodded, trying not to push him any further today. I got
back onto the sofa and Edward started running his hands through my hair. I didn’t
realize that I was so exhausted from the past couple of days events, but I drifted off to
sleep a little while later.

Denial and Help

EPOV

“Do you want to have babies?” Bella looked up at me curiously from her laptop as she
stuck a spoon of yogurt in her mouth.

I shook my head, flabbergasted. “What?”

“I mean… do you?”

I stared down at the newspaper in front of me, and I blinked a couple of times. Then I
looked back at her and shook my head again. “What? With you? Now? Wait… what?
No. No I don’t want… babies.”

I didn’t even like saying the word.

“Not ever?”

“No. I can assure you that along with myself there are many people against me
reproducing.”

She shrugged and looked back down at her laptop. “I guess that’s a good thing, then.”
She squinted her eyes and continued to read something on the screen.

“What are you even doing?”

“Reading. Did you know long term heroin use can have drastic effects on male
fertility?”

“No, I didn’t know that.”

I thought about it for a second. Did I want children? Not right now. But did I never want
them? I wasn’t sure. I didn’t like the thought of not being able to if I did eventually
want them. Huh.

“Why are you reading about that?” I asked her, agitated. She was fucking with my head
on purpose.

“I’m just doing research.” She said it nonchalantly, like it wasn’t a big deal. ‘Oh, I’m
just doing research about my dopehead boyfriend. No biggie.’ That shit pissed me off.

“How about you research stuff for your little novel and stop annoying the fuck out of
me. I mean, seriously Bella, it’s eight in the morning.”

She took a sip of her coffee. “First of all, I didn’t tell you to get up.”

“You were making noise.” She was banging the cabinets shut and doing dishes and
typing away on her fucking laptop for over an hour before I finally got out of bed.

“Edward.” She reached across the counter and put her hand on mine. “You said you
were going to handle this. It’s been over a week. You haven’t talked about it at all, and I
honestly think it’s because you’ve done nothing.” She sat back in her seat and moved
her fingers along the keyboard. “There’s a detox center uptown, on-”

“I’m not going there.” I flipped the newspaper over and heard her sigh.

“Why not?”

“You don’t need a fucking detox center to get off heroin. You just need a bed. And a
toilet.” I laughed and Bella squinted at me, clearly not amused. “Calm down, B. I know
what I’m doing.”

“No, you don’t.”

If only she knew what I was planning on.

“Yes I do. Just shut up and come here.”

Bella smirked and made her way around the corner, climbing into my lap. She leaned
her body forward and started reading the paper, turning around a couple of times to
share her yogurt with me. It was a little routine that we’d started whenever she slept
over. I watched her twirl a long lock of her hair around her pointer finger. I brushed my
hand along the skin of her back that showed when her shirt crawled up. I listened to her
adorably ‘Hmm’ and ‘Wow’ as she read through the Daily News. When we were done,
she cleaned off the counter and looked at the time on the microwave.

“I should take a shower.” Since we’d gotten back from the beach house, Bella had
slowly infiltrated her shit into my apartment. She had her own toothbrush here. She
reorganized my clothes so she could have her own drawer. Her cell phone charger took
up permanent residence in my wall. There were granola bars in my pantry, for god’s
sake.

But I didn’t care. I kind of liked it, actually. The first couple of days after we got back
were rough for her- she didn’t want to see Rose or Alice, or Emmett for that matter, so
she packed a bag that first day and didn’t go back until the middle of the week. I also
think she was afraid to let me out of her sight. But I was so happy that she wasn’t
leaving me, I reveled in every second of it.

Of course, I had shit to do for her. I realized that there was no way I was going to be
able to leave her, which was Plan A, so my Plan B involved some serious shit. I needed
to start setting up my life for what was to come. I had to make sure that there were no
other options for me. That once I started there was no going back. Unfortunately, this
shit wasn’t easy. I was going to need help from my parents and Emmett. And I was
trying to delay it as long as I could.

I heard the shower go on and instantly my perverted mind went to Bella undressing.
Bella wet and naked. And soapy. I was in the bathroom in .2 seconds. I ripped my t-shirt
off and let my boxers fall to the ground before stepping into the shower with her.

“Edward.” She tilted her head back and let the stream of water rinse the shampoo from
her hair. The smell filled my nostrils and floated around the bathroom, basking me in
the scent. I stepped into the steaming water and raised an eyebrow.

“What?” I started playing with her boobs but she swatted my hands away.

“I think you need to talk to Emmett.”

Damn it. Shut up already, woman.

“No, it’s cool.” I moved my face so my mouth was on her nipple, but she grabbed a
handful of my hair and yanked upward, forcing me to look at her. “Owww. Shit.”

“Come on, Edward,” She poured more shampoo into her hands and started scrubbing at
my head. “Emmett wants to marry Rosalie. He already talked about it to me and Alice
twice.”

“Yuck.”

“Nevermind.” She switched places with me so that I was standing under the water. I
sighed as the soap ran from my hair.

“Okay, so Emmett wants to ruin his life. What does this have to do with me?” Bella
handed me the bar of soap as I stepped out of the water.

“He’ll never be able to have a normal relationship with her because he’s always
worrying about you. She’s always his second priority. And he does that because he feels
guilty and thinks that it’s his fault that you’re… the way you are.” She turned away
from me to wash the soap off her body. She wasn‘t telling me anything I didn‘t already
know. “So maybe if you talk to him, and make him see that this isn’t anyone’s fault,
he’ll back off and focus more on his own life.”

Hmmm. I stared at Bella’s naked ass as I thought about it. She kind of had a point. Not
to mention, without having Emmett help me all the time, chances were I’d have more
motivation to get clean. It could be my first step.

I slapped her ass and laughed as she switched places with me again. “I’ll talk to him
later. Hopefully I can talk him out of it.”

“Doubt it. But have fun trying.”

I rolled my eyes and sneered. “Why the fuck didn’t he tell me this?”

“Uhh, probably because he didn’t want you to feel bad. Since the reason he’s waited
this long is because of you.” Of course. I was always responsible for ruining everything.
“Dinner later should be fun, huh?” Uhhhh dinner. Shoot me now.

“Yeah. Mom and Dad are going to be thrilled that at least one of their kids turned out
the right way.” I started mentally preparing myself for what I was going to do tonight. I
regretted it already.

“Maybe this will be good for you. I mean, planning his wedding will distract them for a
little while, right?”

“Fuck them. And Emmett. And Rosalie. And their future babies.”

Bella’s mouth dropped open in shock. “You’re being spiteful.”

“No, I’m not, I’m joking. Kind of.” I winked at her. “I’ll go talk to him in a little while.”

Then I gave her the half smile because that shit worked on her every time. And today
was no different. She jumped into my arms and I slammed her up against the wall and
gave her a little bit of Edward Cullen’s morning delight. She loved it.

Of course, her happiness didn’t last long because she had to keep asking me dumbass
questions. Bella was tearing away at her wet hair with a brush and watching me shave in
the mirror when she started.

“Can I ask you something?” I stopped moving the razor along my face to answer her.

“No.”

“Did you… did you do it today?”

I looked down at the sink and wiggled the razor around.

“No.” I answered her honestly. “Why do you want to know?”

“When was the last time you did it?” She had given up on her hair and was seated on
the closed toilet.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “You don’t want to know this shit.”

“Tell me.”

“I’ve seen you watching me. Can’t you tell?”

“Not at all. That’s why I’m asking.”

I dropped the razor on the counter and looked at myself in the mirror as I said it. “Last
night. Before bed.”

She sighed. “Why… why would you do it before bed?”

I bit my bottom lip and shrugged. “It just depends on when I do it during the day. When
I start craving it, I do it. That’s all.”

I think my honesty shocked her a little. I rinsed my face off and patted it with a towel
before kneeling down in front of her.

“What’s the matter?”

“Do you want to do it right now?”

I frowned as I thought about it. Did I want to before? Not really. Did all this talk about
it make me want to? Yeah.

“Yes.” I was honest, but I was ashamed. I didn’t look at her when I said it. I saw her
throat move as she swallowed hard.

“So do it.” I shot my head up and glared at her, confused.

“What?”

“Do it. I want to see you do it.”

“No.” I stood up and stomped out of the bathroom. I don’t know what kind of mind
fuckery she was playing with me, but I wanted no part of it. Of course, I heard her little
footsteps behind me and when I turned around, she was right there.

“What’s the big deal? You have no problem doing it around me. Why won’t you do it
in front of me?”

“No.”

“Why not? You do it in front of Emmett and Jasper.”

I was ready to rip Emmett’s balls off for dishing so much information about me to her.

“That’s different. And I don’t want to… you’re freaking me out, just go away for a little
while.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” She’d thrown her hair back and a few short, wet strands had
fallen out. I pushed one of them behind her ear and looked out the window behind her.

Silence.

“Fine.”

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the bag. I spilled some of it on the counter that
Bella had just cleaned, and I chopped it up. “Come here.” I grabbed her arm and
roughly yanked her to the counter so she was standing right next to me.

Before I did it, I looked up at her to see if she was watching. The look on her face made
my heart drop. Her eyes were sad and scared and distant, and her cheeks had turned
white, and she nervously bit her bottom lip. I could feel the sadness and desperation
radiating off of her. But, she wanted to see it, so I did it. When I was done, I leaned
against the counter and looked at her. Her eyes were watery. I shrugged and my eyes
fell to my feet.

“Happy now?”

And she walked away. And I felt like shit. And then I realized what the point of her
little mind game bullshit was, because now every god damn time I looked at it, that
shitty, guilty, fucked up feeling was going to come forward and the vision of her
looking hopeless was going to float around my burnt out brain. She wasn’t stupid.

I felt like an asshole. I felt like trash. I felt guilty.

"I'm gonna go." Bella picked her purse up and started walking toward the door.

"Why are you mad? You did this.” My muscles started to feel heavy. She stopped at the
door and her head fell forward. Then, she mumbled something to herself and walked
over to me.

"I'm not mad." She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. I had to use the
counter to balance myself. "I'll see you at dinner, okay? Talk to Emmett, please."

"I will." I watched her glide toward the door. I still felt like a dirtbag.

"B!"

She spun around. "What?"

"I… I…" I couldn’t say it. I felt too awful.

She smirked and waved goodbye. "I know, Edward."

*

BPOV

"Bella, is that you?" I heard Rose's voice echo across the apartment the second I walked
through the door. It was like she was listening to see when I got home.

“Yeah!” A few seconds later she was standing in front of me, fully dressed with her
purse in hand.

“I can’t go to dinner. I have to go to a stupid meeting with my agent.”

“Ughh.” I threw my head back with exasperation and sighed. I hated going to dinner at
the Cullen’s without Rose.

“I’m sorry. It’ll be fine. Tell them I’m sorry I couldn’t come. And you’re supposed to be
there in like… a half hour so hurry up.”

I changed as quickly as I could and hopped in a taxi. Screw Edward and screw his damn
MetroCard. I was late. After yelling at the driver about 12 times, I pulled up to Edward's
building. He was already standing there waiting for me, looking glorious. He tossed his
cigarette to the side and slid next to me, making a face.

"You're late, biotch."

"I'm aware. Thank my friend the driver for taking the longest possible way here!" I
shouted the end so he could hear me.

"Alright, calm down." He draped his arm lazily over my shoulder. "So how was work?"

I shrugged. "Really busy." I still had the image in my mind from this morning, and
seeing Edward made me feel… awkward.

"What's wrong with you?" Edward noticed the blank tone in my voice.

"Nothing."

"Tell me.” I stared out the window, ignoring him. “It’s because of this morning, right?”

I nodded. “It’s fine. Before I saw it happen right in front of my face I was still in denial.
Now I know it’s real. I just… hate this.”

“Yeah, you and me both.”

“So then stop.”

Edward sighed. “Bella… I‘m going to talk to my parents about it today. I have to do this
on my own though, when I‘m ready. So stop bugging me.”

“Sorry. Let’s talk about something else.”

I told Edward all about work and Rose not coming to dinner and I asked him about
Emmett. He said he didn’t want to talk about it. I tried prying, and he didn’t budge, so I
sulked the rest of the ride to Momma and Papa Cullens' house. I was a little eager,
though, to see what they would say when Edward brought everything up.

When we walked inside, there was audible conversation coming from the den. We
entered the room and got the stare down from Esme and Carlisle.

"Oh, good, he's here. We can eat." Carlisle announced our arrival with a lack of
enthusiasm. Thanks, douche. Esme greeted me with a hug per usual and Carlisle
muttered something under his breath to Edward that I didn’t make out. There was some

noticeable tension going on between him and Emmett. I slid into my designated seat
next to Edward without mentioning it.

"So, Edward, what’s new?” Esme started her typical meddling into his life as soon as
we sat down. They always started with Edward, since usually dinner was the only time
during the week they spoke to him.

“Nothing at all.” I noticed him staring at his food hesitantly.

“Are you not hungry?” Oh, Esme. Why would you even start?

He didn’t answer her, he just stuck the fork in his plate and moved it around. Everyone
sat there in awkward silence.

“Emmett, when are you going to do it?” Edward looked across the table at Emmett, who
was startled by the sudden conversation change.

“Shut up.”

“Do what?” Carlisle asked curiously.

“Emmett’s proposing to Rosalie.” Esme and Carlisle both gasped and stared at each
other with surprise.

“Edward, shut the fuck up.” Apparently Edward had just blown up his spot.

“That’s great, Emmett… but, do you think that right now is really the best time…?”
Carlisle trailed off at the end of his sentence.

Emmett cleared his throat and looked at Edward. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be?”

No answer.

“I think I can survive on my own without Emmett taking care of me. But thanks for the
concern, Daddy.” I tried as hard as I could not to laugh at Edward’s sarcasm because the
whole situation was so not funny.

“I’ll believe that when I see it.”

“I’m good. Bella’s taken over babysitting duty. Rest assured, I’ll survive.”

I stared down at my plate, but I could feel everyone’s eyes on me.

“Bella, what do you think Edward should do?” I gulped and looked up at Carlisle.

“I… um… I think-”

“This isn’t really dinner conversation.” Esme interrupted. Thank god.

“No, I think it’s great dinner conversation. I want help. Mom, you start.” Edward
dropped his fork on the table and grinned at her, folding his hands.

Awkward.

Everyone looked at Edward, confused as fuck. He was asking for help from them.
Something no one thought he’d ever do.

“Well… I don’t really know the extent of the relationship that you have with Bella-”

“I’m not just fucking her.”

“Oh my God.” I covered my face with my hands in embarrassment. Emmett choked on
his food and coughed a couple of times.

“Edward, please.” Carlisle wasn’t amused in the least with his statement.

“Um, well, if what you mean is that… things are getting serious… then, I suggest you
start looking into treatment.” Esme looked at him, waiting for a response.

Treatment. I didn’t like the word. It was like he had cancer or something.

“Okay. Good input. Pointless, but nice effort. Dad, your turn.”

Edward was being such an annoying little prick about everything, but I realized that was
just his defense mechanism. Still, I was surprised Carlisle didn’t get up and choke slam
him on the dining room table.

“You know how I feel, Edward. I think without changing some things around in your
life first, detox or not, you’ll just fall right back into it again.” Edward nodded,
considering what Carlisle had said.

“What things do you think I should change in my life, per se?”

“Well, I think you’ve made the biggest step by changing the kinds of people you
associate with. From what Emmett’s told me, you haven’t been spending any time
with… your usual crowd.”

“Emmett, how does this work? I mean, do they have a direct news feed set up here
where you type something in and then, boom- ‘Edward was not out until 7 this morning
doing drugs with a model’ pops up at the bottom of the TV? Or do you just do it the old
fashioned way and call or stop by whenever you have information about me that you
think is gonna interest them?”

Emmett squinted his eyes at Edward and gave him the finger.

“You’re being a douche bag.”

Edward rolled his eyes. “Okay. This is your fault, anyway.”

Oh, lord. I foresaw some screaming about to happen.

“My fault? How?”

“Because, you want to marry your bitch of a girlfriend, but ‘Oh, everyone has to wait
for Edward to get better.’ And then Mom and Dad tell you to wait on me and make me
feel stupid and I have to listen to this shit.”

“Good, you should feel stupid. Junkie.”

“Emmett!” Carlisle stood up when he saw Edward jump from his chair, ready to pounce
on Emmett. “Edward, sit down. This is why everything is the way it is. It’s impossible
for us to talk as a family without cursing and fighting with each other.”

Edward sat down, gripping the edge of his chair so tightly his knuckles were white. I
rubbed the back of his head soothingly until I saw his grip loosen. I didn’t know what
the hell had happened earlier with Emmett.

“Anyway, continuing on. I think you need to start being more responsible with your
money. I mean, honestly, Edward. How much money do you spend on drugs per
week?”

Edward looked down at his plate, shaking his head.

“I’m not answering that.”

“Okay, how about this? How much money do you make per month, on average?”

Edward looked at me, then at Carlisle. I wanted to hear the answer.

“It all depends what I do. Lately I’ve just been doing like two or three big shoots per
month, so… I don’t know? Maybe… $20,000.”

My mouth dropped open. Edward saw me and waved his hand in front of his face.

“No, no. It seems like more than it is. They make me put away a lot of what I make, and
I have to pay for my equipment and I have all my other bills that I pay too, and after
taxes...”

I wasn’t listening. I was still trying to figure out what $20,000 x 12 was.

“Now… correct me if I’m wrong,” Carlisle continued. “But I’m assuming you spend…
somewhere between $4,000 and $5,000 a month on your… habit. Right?”

Edward nodded & I wanted to vomit. It seemed like such a ridiculous amount of money
to me. For someone who made $20,000 and up per month taking a couple of pictures, I
guess it wasn’t.

“Okay. So this is what we’ll do.” Carlisle grabbed a pen from his shirt pocket and
started scribbling down on a napkin. “This is how much I’m paying for your rent per

month. With what you’re making… minus this… and this… here-” He slid the napkin
over to Edward. “You’re going to start paying for your own apartment. And you can
afford it, if you stop buying drugs.”

Edward’s eyes popped out of his head. “Wait, no- what? I’m not doing that. That’s not
fair.”

“Life’s not fair, Edward. Rent is due October 17th, so start saving. Or you can move
back home, if you’d like?”

Edward crossed his arms over his chest and sat back in his chair, frowning. I don’t
know why he was so pissed. He brought this on himself, so what was he really
expecting?

“You have money put away. Start digging into that if need be.”

“I don’t want to do that. That money’s for…” He trailed off, taking a deep breath.
“Uhhh. So, what else?”

Carlisle was shocked that he was taking more criticism. He tapped his pen against the
edge of the table as he thought.

“You need to stop drinking so much. Every time that something… bad has happened to
you, it involved you drinking.” Edward rolled his eyes again and nodded. “And there
are a few other things that Emmett & I were discussing. So know that there are things
we plan on doing to help, Edward. You may not think they’re helping, but they are in
the long run. Oh, and one last thing.”

Carlisle pointed at Emmett, and then looked at me. “There will be no more ‘at home
emergencies.’ Bella, if something is to happen to Edward, you call 911. Not Emmett.
Do you understand?”

I nodded, realizing what would happen if Edward went to the hospital. He started
breathing weird and murmuring stuff under his breath.

“Okay, then. I’m glad we discussed this, Edward. When you think you’re ready, we’ll
talk about the detox.”

Edward just nodded, looking like he wanted to slam his head against the table
repeatedly.

The rest of the dinner went by quickly, and the conversation changed from Edward’s
dysfunctional life to Emmett’s upcoming proposal. Esme gushed about wedding plans
and Emmett just kind of nodded along without too much input. Edward sat silent for the
rest of the meal.

When we got up to leave, Carlisle brought Edward into another room to talk to him
alone. Emmett and I said goodbye to Esme and walked together toward the front door.

“Emmett… what the hell happened earlier? Why are you two at each other’s throats?”

Emmett rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “He’s just… I’m a little nervous. Right now,
at this point, things can either get better or worse. And Edward told me he doesn’t want
me having anything to do with him anymore, as far as… the whole heroin thing goes.
That’s just leaving you there to help him. It’s hard for me to sit by and not do anything.
I just have this feeling like something bad is going to happen.”

“I don’t think so.”

“I don’t know.” Emmett sighed. “There’s a lot going on right now. I think this thing
with Rosalie made Edward feel guilty, so that’s why he’s pushing me away. He
seems… scared. And, I don’t really know if you guys have ‘titled’ what your
relationship is, but Edward’s never really had a serious girlfriend before. And to have
one now, at a point in his life like this, I just… I don’t know. I’m lost. I don’t know
what’s right and wrong. And I guess I just told it to him like it is this afternoon and he
didn’t like me being honest.”

I shrugged and hugged Emmett. “Okay… well, thanks I guess. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight. Oh, Bella!” Emmett reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny velvet
box. He flipped it up, revealing an extravagant, huge, princess cut diamond ring that I
knew Rose would love. “What do you think?”

“It’s perfect.”

He beamed and stuck it back in his pocket before walking out.

I stood in the foyer, waiting for Edward to finish talking to Carlisle. I looked around at
the family pictures that were on the walls and the tables, that I’d already seen like 50
times. Edward was even a perfect looking kid. It was ridiculous. There were no pictures
of him at an awkward phase. No braces. No stupid haircuts. No glasses. It made me
laugh. Eventually he emerged from wherever he was, still looking extremely pissed.

“Let’s get out of here.” We walked to the next block and got on the subway. As we
waited for the train, Edward pointed at a rat running across the tracks.

“That’s disgusting.” He just laughed and threw his gum at it. “So what’d your dad say?”

“Nothing of any importance.” He shoved his hand in his pockets and leaned back on his
heels. “Sorry to do that in front of you. I wanted you to see that I was trying, though.”

“Thanks.” We walked onto the train after it arrived. Edward stayed standing and leaned
against the door, even though there were a bunch of seats open. “Are you mad he’s
making you pay for the apartment?”

“Yes and no. Yes because that’s thousands and thousands of dollars I didn’t have to pay
before. And no because… if I’m paying for it myself Carlisle has no way to control me.
That was the only way he could, and now… he can’t.” Edward smiled. “That’s all he
was talking to me about.”

I nodded, not understanding what exactly Carlisle’s motive was. Because if Edward
managed to pay for the apartment, and somehow still found a way to buy his drugs then
Carlisle wouldn’t have anything else to use against him. It made me a little nervous.

“So. How do you feel about them getting married?” Edward asked me as he casually
tapped his hands against the door.

“Fine, I guess.” I shrugged. “I’ve never even thought about getting married. I don’t
know what I’m supposed to think. It kind of makes me feel old, though.” Edward
laughed. “What about you?”

“I don’t care.” He looked down at his shoes and shrugged. “Your stop is next. What do
you want to do?”

“Stay with me tonight.” Edward made a face. “I always stay at your apartment. Just
come.”

I managed to coax him into getting off with me. We walked back to my apartment
without saying much to each other. When we walked inside, no one was there. I
dropped my stuff on the dining room table and spun around to him.

“Edward?”

“What?” He raised an eyebrow at me.

“Um… when your mom asked before what our relationship was… what did you mean-”

He frowned. “Sorry about that. It was just to piss them off.” He picked up a pair of dice
that were sitting on the table. Emmett and Jasper had been there the night before,
playing some drinking game with them.

“But, we’re not just… sleeping together, right?” He looked and me, and then down at
the dice he was shaking in his hand.

“No.”

“You hesitated.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Because… I know you said you didn’t want a relationship with me, but that was
before. Things are different now. And if we‘re in love with each other, it doesn‘t make
sense that we aren’t-”

He nodded. “I know.”

“So…” I felt my cheeks turning red. “When exactly are we going to…”

Edward half smiled at me and blinked a few times. “If you have something to say, say it
Bella.”

“I want us to be… together. I want you to want us to be together.”

Edward ran his thumb up my cheek and made me shiver. His eyes were glowing. “We
are together.”

“Really?” He nodded again. I felt my heart speed up a little. Edward was my boyfriend.
My boyfriend. I felt like I was in second grade all over again.

He shook the dice around in his hands again and pulled me closer to the table.

“Let’s see how this relationship is going to go. If it comes out closer to 12, that means
it’ll be good. And closer to 2 that means… disaster.”

I frowned. “If you think there’s a chance this will end in disaster, maybe we shouldn’t
be together.”

He laughed. “It’s just a game. Here,” He handed me one of the dice. “On three. One…
two… three.” I dropped mine onto the table and watched it flip over. 5. Edward's rolled
across the table and landed on… 2.

“Seven.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “That’s right in the middle. What the fuck
does that mean?”

“I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

With that, he lifted me up and carried me into my bedroom.

Sympathy

BPOV

“You’re being ridiculous. I can’t be late, so come on!”

Edward crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the TV, ignoring me. Normally I’d
have more patience with him, but I’d been busy and running around all day, and he was
in one of his moods, unprovoked, of course. My temper was on edge, and I was ready to
deck him in the face.

I stalked into the living room and pressed the power button on the TV and stood in front
of it as he sneered at me.

“I’m not going.”

“You’re going. Get in the shower and get a fucking move on.” If it was any other day,
I’d have just given up and let him mope around his apartment alone. But Esme had
given me specific instructions a couple of hours earlier to make sure that Edward got
there. Tension in the family had been running extremely high and she knew that if it
was up to him, he wouldn’t be at Rosalie & Emmett’s engagement dinner.

Edward had been moody as fuck lately. He was about ten times worse then usual. It had
gotten so bad, that my usual attitude of ‘spend every possible breathing second I can
with Edward’ had turned to ‘walk out as soon as Edward starts screaming at you’ and I
didn’t like that. Moody Edward was one thing, but moody, insulting, condescending,
purposefully hurtful Edward was completely another. In the last month, since his little
‘talk’ with his parents, his attitude had steadily gotten worse and worse. I knew it was
one of those things that I’d just have to deal with, because I was unexplainably still
completely obsessed with him, but it was starting to take a toll on me. It was almost like
he was trying to push me away to see how much I could take.

Edward didn’t move from his spot.

“Seriously, Edward, stop being so god damn selfish. I’m the maid of honor, and you’re
the friggen best man, we can’t be late, and your parents are going to kill me if you aren’t
there. Think of someone besides yourself, maybe just for today.”

He rolled his eyes and yawned. “Why are you even here?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Maybe because I don’t want you here?”

I saw red. I knew he was trying to provoke me, but the snide tone in his voice made me
livid. I marched over to him and grabbed his arm and tried pulling him off the sofa.

“Get up!”

“Get the fuck off me.”

He stood up and effortlessly removed my clenched fingers from around his forearm. I
grabbed the collar of his shirt with my other hand and tried yanking him toward the
bathroom. He planted his feet, so it did nothing besides stretch out his shirt and piss him
off more. I didn’t care.

“Bella, if you don’t stop touching me, I’m gonna flip out. Leave, now.” He grabbed my
shoulders and moved me away from him, taking a step back.

“Fine, don’t shower. Go there looking like a strung out mess, I don’t give a shit.” I
stomped toward his bed and grabbed his suit that I’d just picked up from the dry
cleaners and I threw it on the sofa. “Get dressed.”

“What are you not understanding right now? Are you fucking deaf? I said I’m not
going.”

“Yes you are, so hurry up!” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I was done. I
pulled my cell phone out and started dialing.

“Hey Bella.” Jasper sounded out of breath.

“I need you to come to Edward’s please. He’s acting like an asshole.”

Edward gave me the finger.

Jasper sighed into the phone and I heard Alice‘s voice in the background. “Okay. I’ll be
there in a couple minutes.”

“Thanks, bye.” I hung up and threw my phone back in my purse. “Good job. Now
you’re just inconveniencing everyone.”

“Yeah, it’s what I do.” He smirked and walked away from me.

“You must be really proud.” I flung my purse over my shoulder and hiked toward the
door.

“Have fun at dinner!”

I ignored him and slammed the door as hard as I could on the way out. Damn it, he was
irritating. My feet were already killing me and a strand of my hair had fallen out from
the up-do thing Alice had done to it in the shuffle, and I didn’t even want to look at
myself in the mirror because I was sure I’d smudged my eye makeup. I got into a cab
and gave the address of the restaurant we were meeting at. At least I wouldn’t be late
now.

When I pulled up, Alice was standing outside on her phone, giving someone directions.
Her eyes widened when she looked at me, and she started fixing my hair without saying
anything.

“Okay… yes… just call me back if you can’t find it… okay, bye.” She put her phone in
her purse and shook her head. “What the hell happened to you?”

I sighed. “Nothing.”

“Okay, this is fixable. Let’s go to the bathroom.”

I didn’t care about my stupid hair or makeup or outfit. It was a pointless dinner, in my
opinion, but Rosalie decided she wanted to have a small wedding, and in January, so
instead of doing some big formal engagement party we rushed out a dinner with our
close friends and their family. I had assumed she was going to have some big to-do, but
surprisingly she just wanted to have the wedding as soon as she could and she didn’t
want to make a big fuss about it. I think that was why she chose me as her maid of
honor instead of Alice, because she knew Alice would try and force her into big plans
that she didn’t want.

I sat in a chair in the elaborate bathroom while Alice kneeled in front of me. She was
pulling all kind of toiletries and make up from her bag. “So what happened with
Edward?”

“I don’t know.” I closed my eyes so she could fix my eyeliner. “He’s in a really bad
mood. He didn’t want to come here, at all. And him and Emmett are weird with each
other right now, so I figured Jasper was the best bet.” I sighed and opened my eyes. “I
just feel like he’s going nowhere. I want to help but I don’t know what to do.”

“Do nothing. Just sit there and be there for him.” Alice shrugged and stood up. “Okay.
You look good. Let’s just… enjoy ourselves tonight. Don’t stress out about him.
Whatever happened before… just remember it wasn’t personal. He loves you.”

I nodded, even though I was highly doubting it as this point.

Alice and I stood at the entrance to the restaurant, greeting all the guests that came
before Rosalie and Emmett made it. They finally got there, with Esme & Carlisle, and
Rosalie’s parents in tow. Esme walked up to me, looking at her watch.

“Is he here?” I shook my head. “What happened?”

“He said he doesn’t want to come. I sent Jasper there to get him.” She sighed and put
her hand on her forehead.

“Okay. Let’s just go inside.”

Eventually everyone was seated. There was an empty chair next to me, and one next to
Alice. Emmett leaned over the seat and whispered in my ear.

“Where the hell is he?” I shrugged and took a sip of my wine.

A couple of minutes later, Jasper and Edward appeared in the doorway. Japer looked
tired, and Edward was showered and shaven and looked amazing, even with the dark
circles that were forming under his eyes. I still was pissed, though. Jasper plopped into
his chair, sighing, as Edward walked around and greeted all of his family. He sat down
next to me without saying anything or even looking in my direction.

About halfway through the uneventful dinner, I felt Edward’s hand grab mine under the
table. I yanked it away from him and continued eating my food without looking up. I’d
forgive him eventually, but not right now. I was tired of him walking all over me. I felt
his chair move closer to mine, and I tilted my head toward him.

“Stop, Edward.”

The entire table was bustling with conversation and laughter, and no one was paying
attention to us.

“I’m sorry.” He tried to touch my face by I swatted his hand away.

“I don’t care.”

I heard him huff and move his chair back to where it was before.

Edward had neglected to plan a speech, not surprisingly, and if he wasn’t doing one I
wasn’t either, and luckily no one mentioned it. When dinner was done, everyone slowly
started filing out. Alice, Esme and I thanked the manager of the restaurant that had
helped us to plan everything, and then we met everyone outside. Emmett, Rosalie, and
their parents were going back to the Cullen’s for drinks, and Alice and Jasper were

going back to our apartment. I started to get into the cab with them, but Edward grabbed
the door so I couldn’t shut it.

“Where are you going?” He asked me after taking a drag of his cigarette.

“Home.”

“How long are you going to be mad about this?” I looked at Jasper and Alice, who were
sitting in the cab staring at us, patiently waiting to leave. I didn’t like arguing with
Edward in front of other people.

“It’s not just today, Edward. You’re in a bad mood all the time. And you always take it
out on me. I need a little break from you.” He squinted his eyes at me and nodded.

“Fine.” He slammed the door shut and the cab pulled away, leaving him standing there
on the corner.

“I’m sorry, you guys.”

“It’s okay.” Alice patted my knee and leaned her head on my shoulder.

“So how’d you get him to come?” I asked Jasper, who was staring out the window.

“You don’t want to know.”

Nothing shocked me anymore, so I kept prodding. “Tell me.”

Jasper scratched his head and loosened the tie around his neck. “Well, basically I tried
to reason with him. He didn’t budge. I knew I wasn’t gonna be able to talk him into it
so, I let him… you know… and I waited until he was too tired to fight me back and I
threw his stupid ass in the shower, clothes and all. He just gave up after that.”

I rolled my eyes, disgusted. “It’s pathetic.”

“Yeah, well, Carlisle and Emmett were pissed that he was so late. It’s like he has no
respect for anyone anymore. They were talking about something… I don’t know what,
but I have the feeling something’s gonna happen soon.”

Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it. Because nothing was fucking happening. Besides
for Edward getting worse.

When we got back home, I stayed up drinking for a little while with Alice and Jasper.
When they retired into their bedroom, I sat in the living room and tried working on my
book. It was hard for me to concentrate when my mood was so shitty.

At almost midnight, I heard a light tapping on the door. I had nodded off sitting up, and
I didn’t realize it until the sound woke me. I dragged my feet toward the door and pulled
it open. Edward was standing there, looking disheveled and still in his suit from dinner.
His tie was loose and the top couple of buttons of his shirt were open, revealing a small
v of his chest. I had to fight to keep my hand from reaching out and touching it.

“What are you doing here?”

“I want to talk to you.” My weakness for Edward got the better of me, and I let him in.
He walked over to the sofa and sat down. I stood there, arms crossed, waiting for an
explanation. “Stop being so angry.”

“No.” I stood there, stoic.

“You’re exaggerating.”

“No, I’m not. I need you to stop. Please, stop doing it. Do it for me.” He put his elbows
on his knees and scratched the back of his neck.

“I’m trying.”

“How? Tell me how.” I sat in the armchair across from him so I wasn’t tempted to give
in by the close proximity, or his smell, the little V of his chest that was enticing me.

“Look at me! With Carlisle fucking making me pay for everything I barely have any
money to buy it anymore. And my body’s not used to it, and I’m on edge 24/7.”

“Well maybe you should just STOP, then.” I stood up and walked over to the sofa so I
was standing in front of him. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take. This isn’t
you. The way you’ve been treating me… it’s not fair to me. I don’t deserve this. I do
everything I can possibly do for you, and you’re not giving back anything.”

“Well, now you see why I didn’t want you getting involved in the first place.” He
tapped his foot against the ground nervously. “I didn’t expect that you’d stick around
through this, anyway.”

“Are you kidding? I told you I wasn’t leaving. Are you trying to make me go?”

He shrugged.

“If you don’t want me around, then tell me. Don’t treat me bad and try and push me
away.”

“I just… don’t want to hurt you. I don’t think it’s good if you’re here through all this.
I… I love you too much.”

Edward hadn’t told me he loved me in weeks. It made my heart start pounding. He was
telling me he wanted me gone, but because he loved me. I didn’t know what to do, or
say.

“Fine. You want me gone, I’m gone. But this is your choice, not mine.”

And then I let my hand brush against his chest, because I didn’t know when the next
time would be that I’d be able to do it. And I felt tears coming, so I scooted closer to
him on the sofa and wrapped my arms around his neck and I buried my head into his

shoulder so he wouldn’t see me crying. And he hugged me back, and ran his fingers
through my hair, and he groaned.

“I don’t want you gone.”

I leaned back, and saw the look of defeat in his eyes. He looked the same way that I felt.
The two of us knew that our love for each other was stronger then this, and that we
would fight through it no matter how painful it was. Because it was painful. He hurt me,
and he hurt for hurting me, and neither of us had any control over our actions. Because I
should’ve left him. And he should’ve stopped for me. But we were both too weak
without each other.

He leaned in to kiss me. And I let him. And he rubbed his fingers across my cheek to
wipe away my tears without moving his lips from mine. And I wallowed in his smell,
and his taste, and way my hand felt as it pressed into the back of his neck.

And then I pulled away from him and climbed onto his lap and hugged him again.
Because I was scared. I didn’t want to be away from him. I didn’t want him leaving me.
I didn’t want him to be broken anymore. I nestled myself into his body, and he hugged
me back and didn’t move or ask me questions. I knew he could feel that I was afraid.
Now that I knew him, I couldn’t imagine life without Edward. No matter how hard life
with him was.

“You’re the only person in my life that’s ever loved me.”

He said it so calmly and quietly, I barely heard him. That small sentence made my heart
ache.

I squeezed him tighter and whispered into his ear, “That isn’t true.”

“Yes it is. My parents never have. All I’ve ever done is disappoint them. And Emmett…
he only cares because he knows it’s true. Because he feels guilty and he has no other
choice. No one’s ever loved me… for me, the way you do.”

Edward continued on, telling me stories about him growing up and how he always felt
inferior. How he lived his life feeling like an object in his parent’s world, instead of a
person that deserved to be shown love and affection. He told me that he’d felt different
since he was a teenager, that he knew he was sick, and that when his parents should’ve
been showing him attention and concern, they ignored him and cared only about how
Edward’s behavior and achievements appeared to people on the outside. He always felt
like they were ashamed of him, or dissatisfied with him. He said that Emmett only
started paying close attention and worrying when he talked about suicide. I couldn’t
imagine how alone and desperate he felt. I sat there, listening intently, not saying a
word, just letting him vent about everything he had held in and never told me.

Of course, the drinking and drugs seemed inevitable when he explained to me how it
made him feel. It was an escape from his life. From the feelings that constantly plagued
him. When anyone looked at him, they saw Edward Cullen. The perfect, wealthy,
talented, smart son of a successful surgeon. He was charismatic, and beautiful, and
gifted, and funny. It wasn’t surprising that even with his problems, he’d gone on and

become so triumphant in his career. They didn’t see that inside, he was struggling every
single second of every day. He explained everything that he’d done without me asking.
Even why he’d been so promiscuous over the years. He claimed it was a temporary
escape for him, just like the drugs were. It was confirmation to him that on the outside
he was this perfect man- he could have any woman he wanted, but because he was so
self-loathing, he thought nothing of himself. And he’d sleep with them when need be,
and not speak to them again more than a couple of times, because it was a defense
mechanism. He felt like if anyone got close to him and found out how he really was,
they’d think the same thing of him that his parents did and make him feel the same way.
Everything that I’d seen him do had some kind of explanation behind it that seemed
perfectly logical when he said it with his own mouth.

He said that the only reason Carlisle cared now was because he was afraid that Edward
was going to die, and that their family would have to carry around the rest of their life
that their son had died at a young age because he was a drug addict. That everything
was only about what other people thought. I don’t know how much of that was true. I’m
sure that Edward believed it to be true- he’d spent a majority of his life being depressed
and I’m sure he tricked himself into believing that. I couldn’t accept the fact that people
could care so little about their child. They didn’t seem that way to me. But, I didn’t tell
him that. The fact that he believed it made me indescribably sad.

“This is part of the reason why I care about you so much. If you didn’t come along… I
don’t know how much longer I would’ve lasted. Just the fact that there’s someone like
you out there gives me something to live for.”

I cried, and didn’t let him go, and I kissed him and told him I was never leaving him.
Because I wasn’t. Not after tonight. Not after he’d opened up to me so much.

“You have nothing to worry about, Edward,” I put my hands on either side of his face
and looked directly into his eyes. “I love you. I love you so much, there aren’t words to
justify it. There’s nothing that you could do to make me go. You don’t ever have to
worry about me. I’m here to stay.”

And for the first time that night, he smiled, and then he nodded, and I felt hope that
things would be changing soon. We both fell asleep there, wrapped in each other’s
arms. Little did I know how wrong I was.

*

Sudden Decline

JPOV

“Edward!” I shouted his name as I walked into his apartment. It was silent. All the
lights were off and he wasn’t in bed. It had been snowing since the night before, so the
sky was still dark. I saw a slither of light on the floor that was seeping through the
bathroom door.

“Hello?” I yelled again, listening for a response from him. Nothing. I dropped my suit
on one of the barstools and headed toward the bathroom, shoving the door open without

knocking. My fucking mouth dropped open when I saw him. “What the fuck are you
doing, bro?”

He was sitting on the bathroom floor, knees bent and leaning over. One of his pant legs
was rolled up to his knee, and he was holding something in his hand. Fuck.

“Help me.” He looked up at me, frustrated.

“No. Fuck no.”

“Just fucking help me.” His eyes were dark and he looked paler than usual. I shook my
head and stepped backward.

“There’s no way. What the hell are you doing, anyway? You’re supposed to be getting
clean, and I come here and you’re fucking shooting up on your bathroom floor? What
are you thinking?” I was pissed at him. This shit had been going on for far too long, and
I honestly believed him this time when he said he was stopping.

Edward dropped the needle on the ground and put his face in his hands with
desperation. “It’s fucking cheaper this way. I can’t pay for it anymore, now that
Carlisle, that shithead, is making me pay for everything myself.”

I felt sorry for him, looking at him there on the floor, so pathetic and desperate. He
didn’t realize what he was doing. None of the shit people were trying was helping him.
Not his parents, who tried to force him into it by not giving him any options. Not
Emmett, who was too preoccupied with the wedding now to worry about Edward. Not
Bella, who was too obsessed with him to threaten to leave him. He was just gonna keep
doing it until someone actually manned up and did the right thing. I was too scared to be
that person. I didn’t want him hating me.

I took a deep breath and crouched down next to him, grabbing the needle. “This is
fucked up, Edward. And why your leg?”

“So no one sees it. Here,” He took the needle from me, which was already prepared and
jabbed it into his leg. I watched him pull the plunger back and the liquid suddenly
turned pink. “Just push it. I feel like too much of a scumbag.”

I didn’t want to be the one to tell him that doing that shit was as scumbaggish as it
comes.

“Have you ever done this before?”

“No! Just fucking do it.” I pushed the plunger down and pulled the needle out of his leg.

“Never again, Edward. You don’t realize what you just did to yourself.” I stood there in
the bathroom, watching him. I could see him visibly relaxing, his eyes drooping and his
head leaning forward. “Get up. We have shit to do today.”

I walked out of the bathroom and headed straight to the kitchen, toward Edward’s liquor
cabinet. Eight in the morning wasn’t too early when you were dealing with fucking

messes like him. I chugged some Jack straight out of the bottle and leaned against the
counter, ashamed of myself. I knew better. I should’ve refused. I should’ve tried to talk
him out of it. This was only gonna make shit that much worse.

A couple of minutes later he came out of the bathroom, dragging his feet. He changed
quickly and dropped onto the sofa, sighing.

“Don’t fucking tell Emmett about this. Or Alice.”

“I’m not.” I picked his keys up from the counter and twirled them around my finger.
“Let’s go. Carlisle said not to be late.”

He threw on his sneakers and his jacket, grabbed his tux from the closet, and followed
me out of the house. We sat in the cab, not talking to each other the entire time. In
Edward's defense, he was trying nto to pass the fuck out. When we pulled up in front of
the tailor, Carlisle was already waiting outside.

“Hey Carlisle.” I waved as I walked past him into the tailor. He looked at Edward,
who’s head was aimed down toward his feet and said nothing. Emmett was already
standing inside in his suit, the tailor yanking at his sleeves. He instantly noticed my
somber expression and frowned. I shook my head, signaling to not even bring it up.

Slowly, Edward started to compose himself more and more. We changed into our tuxes
and while we stood there and waited, he started to seem like his normal self. Suddenly,
Bella walked in and his face lit up.

“Hi!” She hopped up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him like she
hadn’t seen him in months. It had only been hours. "Edward, look at you! You look
amazing."

He rubbed his eyes and yawned as Bella pulled him in front of the mirror and winked. I
had no idea how she was so happy and awake that early in the morning.

"Why are you here again?" I asked her as Emmett and Edward chuckled.

"I'm Edward's date."

She gave me a dirty look.

"I don't really think this is an occasion that requires a date."

"Shut up. And your sleeves are too long." I gave her the finger and crossed my arms
over my chest. I watched as she spun around so she was facing Edward and smoothed
the collar of his jacket. He grabbed her waist and walked forward before pressing her up
against the mirror and kissing her before Carlisle cleared his throat.

"Edward. Not appropriate."

Bella blushed and slid by him. "Sorry."

It was so weird, the way that he acted around her. Since I’d known him, I’d never seen
him be so gaga over a girl. I knew that Bella was the key to fixing him, but she never
wanted to talk about anything to any of us. Rose and Alice made her feel uncomfortable
about it all the time, so I kind of didn't blame her.

Emmett smirked at Edward as the tailor started sticking pins into the hem of his pants.
"Is it possible for you to do anything without Bella anymore? I mean, does she sit in the
bathroom with you while you're on the toilet too?"

"Fuck off. You're just jealous I'm gonna look better than you at your own wedding."

"Yeah, okay. Wait until this bad boy is done. I'll look fresh." Emmett licked his finger
and slid it along his collar as we laughed at him. Ridiculous.

The wedding was fast approaching. We were already mid way into November. There
had been no notable drama since the engagement party that I knew of, so Edward didn't
make a big deal about having to be there at nine in the fucking morning to get our tux’s
fitted. Especially when Bella had somehow gotten involved. Everyone was in a pretty
good mood, except me, since the bastard ruined my morning and since I was so tall and
lanky every part of my damned tux needed to be hemmed so they were saving me for
last.

"Edward, your psychiatrist called yesterday. You need to get your prescription
renewed."

Carlisle always had to bring shit up at the worst times.

Edward leaned his head back in frustration and groaned. "Uhh. Can we talk about this
shit later?"

"Just tell me when you want to go in."

"Never."

I chuckled.

"Edward, it's 20 minutes twice a year. Stop being dramatic." Carlisle rolled his eyes.

"I don't like her."

"We can get you another doctor."

Emmett butted into the conversation. "I don't think he's gonna like anyone who tells him
to stop using."

Edward agreed with a shrug. "He's right."

Carlisle sighed and put his hand on his forehead. "Well, Edward, there's an obvious
solution to that."

"Here we go." He threw his arms up in the air with exasperation. Carlisle always had to
start with him, every time they were together.

"No, I'm done. I'll make the appointment for later this week."

"Whatever." Edward looked in the mirror again and called the tailor over. "Am I done
here?"

"I have to adjust your inseam. Let me just finish with Emmett..."

"Okay." Edward waved his hand at him and turned to me. "Is nine too early to get a
drink?" I shook my head at him and laughed.

“I already had one.”

"Jasper." Carlisle didn't think it was funny. That was like the fifth time he'd
reprimanded one of us since we'd been there.

As soon as the tailor finished with Edward and I, we changed and headed outside. It had
gotten dreary out and the snow was falling heavier.

“Okay, I have to go to work. Are you gonna come by later?” Edward nodded at Bella
and kissed her, before hailing a taxi.

“Bella, I’ll share a cab with you. Alice needed me to pick some papers up for her from
the store.”

Bella looked at me curiously. She knew I was lying.

“Okay,” She opened the door and got inside. “Bye, Edward.”

I followed behind her and slammed the door. She looked at me, cocking an eyebrow and
waited for an explanation.

“What papers?” I gave the cabbie the address to the girls’ apartment and she frowned.

“You need to do something.” I scratched at the back of my neck with anxiety and shook
my head. “It’s been months since you found out. Why aren’t you doing anything?”

“What am I supposed to do?” She asked me, worried. I shrugged. “What happened,
Jasper?”

“Nothing… I’m just- I think you should say something to him.”

“Like what?”

“Like… get clean or I’m leaving you.”

Bella sighed and clenched her jaw. “I’m not leaving him, Jasper.”

“Oh, okay good. Maybe he’ll just fucking die then, since everyone is too much of a
pussy to take charge.” Bella’s eyes grew wide and she shoved me, angrily.

“Don’t talk about him like that! You’re supposed to be his best friend.”

“I am his fucking best friend! That’s why I’m here talking to you right now. You’re the
only one who can do anything for him. He doesn’t give a shit about what anyone else
has to say about it, only you. Do the right thing, Bella.”

“What is the right thing, Jasper? Please, tell me. Because I have no fucking idea.” She
stared at me, waiting for an answer.

“The right thing is to do whatever you can possibly do to help him. You’re not doing
that.”

“I’m trying-”

“You’re not doing anything! You’re fucking lovesick. You love him, and because
you’re so obsessed with him, you just sit there and push it all to the side because you
don’t want to fight with him, and you’re too afraid to be without him. So you’re letting
him think that this is all okay. Maybe if you actually stood up to him, he’d do something
about it.”

She sat there, thinking about what I said.

“I’m not just going to bring it up and start with him for no reason. I mean, maybe the
next time something happens, and it effects me, then I’ll say something.”

“Yeah, well I have a feeling that something’s gonna happen very soon.” Bella put her
hand on my cheek and turned my face toward her.

“Tell me what happened.”

“No. Let’s just say… things are getting worse. And I’m fucking scared. Do something,
Bella.”

She squeezed the bridge of her nose between her fingers and closed her eyes. Then, she
reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m calling him. I’m gonna ask him what the fuck happened-”

“Are you stupid?” I grabbed the phone out of her hand and she sneered at me. “Then it’s
gonna seem like you’re attacking him. That’s not gonna do anything. Just trust me.”

I reached my hand out slowly and gave her back the phone.

“I can’t leave him. He trusts me. If I leave him… I’m scared of what will happen.”

“You’re not going to leave him forever. Tell him that. Tell him you’ll be there as soon
as he’s clean.”

I saw a tear fall down Bella’s cheek. “I don’t want to. I can’t leave him. I… can’t do it.”

“Well, then you figure out something to do. Because shit’s getting serious. It’s only
gonna keep getting worse and worse, unless someone does something.”

“Okay.”

The cab pulled up to the curb and I handed Bella a twenty. “Call me when you decide
what to do.”

She nodded and I watched as the cab drove out of sight.

EPOV

I stared at Bella as she flipped through US Weekly calmly. “Ugh, Britney looks awful.”

I looked down at the picture and nodded. “Yeah, she’s a mess.”

“What’s the matter?” Bella noticed the blank tone in my voice.

“I fucking hate being here.”

“Why?” She dropped the magazine on the waiting room table and wrapped her arm
around mine.

“Because. I hate being anywhere where people are criticizing me. I hate the fucking
medicine. I hate talking about my parents. I hate talking about the drugs. I just… hate
being here.”

She sighed sympathetically. “Carlisle said it’s fast. Just get it over with.”

She combed her fingers through the hair above my ear before craning her neck and
kissing my cheek gently. I turned and smirked at her.

“Edward, are you ready?” The receptionist stood at the entrance to the hallway, waiting
for me. I made a face at Bella and walked through the doors. I followed the receptionist
to my doctor’s office and made my way inside.

“Hi, Edward. It’s good to see you.” The doctor was a middle aged woman. She was
kind of a MILF, but I hated her on principle. She reached her hand out and shook mine
firmly. "So, how's life?" She folded her hands and placed them on top of my file as I
plopped into the leather armchair on the opposite side of her desk.

I shrugged. "Pretty solid."

"Has anything major happened since the last time we met?"

"When was that?"

"May."

"Uhhh. I don't know? Well, I have a girlfriend now."

She smiled. "I knew something seemed different about you. Tell me about her?"

I squinted at the diploma on the wall behind her, trying to figure out how smart the bitch
was. "Her name's Bella. She's 24, she's a writer. She just moved here from Washington
in June... I don't know?"

"How'd you meet?"

"She's best friends with Emmett's girlfriend... fiancé, whatever."

She nodded. "Emmett's getting married?"

"Apparently."

"How do you feel about that?"

I scratched my head and smirked. "I don't really care."

"How's your relationship with him been?"

"Up and down. He's tired of me. But when I try to tell him to back off, he worries and
gets angry at me."

“What do you mean… back off?”

I tried to think of how to explain it to her. “He’s always worrying about me. He feels
responsible, or something. And Bella… she told me, more or less, that Emmett wasn’t
ever going to have normal relationships or whatever because he was always preoccupied
with taking care of me. So I told him to go ahead and marry his girlfriend. I pretty much
forced him to stay out of my life.”

"What about your parents?"

"They're… themselves. Nothing new."

“No?”

“Nothing worth talking about.”

“How do they feel about your girlfriend?” She pushed her glasses closer to her face as
she waited.

“Uh… I don’t know? I don’t talk to my parents about things like that.” I exhaled loudly.
“They don’t think I should be with her, I’m sure. They think I should focus on my
problems instead of her.”

She flipped through my file and took a deep breath. "Edward?" I raised my eyebrows.
"Your father says you're still using heroin."

I nodded.

"Talk to me about that."

I tapped my foot against the chair. "I want to stop. I'm going to, soon. I've been trying.
My parents are making half assed attempts to help me, too."

"What have they done?"

"They stopped paying for my apartment. I can barely afford it on my own, so they
figure that'll be motivation for me to stop."

"Has it been?"

"I don't know? I'm still doing it, just less now. I've kind of... weaned myself down."

"Edward, you know you have to completely stop, right? There's no other way."

"I know."

"Does your girlfriend know that you're an addict?"

"Yep."

"How does she feel about it?"

"She wants me to stop. But she doesn't talk about it, or bring it up, or judge me. As long
as it doesn't effect her, she doesn't mention it."

"How often does it effect her?"

I sighed. "Pretty often." I rubbed my eyes and frowned.

“What’s your relationship like?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, how do the two of you interact with each other?”

“Fine. We get along really great. She understands me better than anyone ever has. And
we fight sometimes, but she’s really… tolerant. Of me. She empathizes with the way I
am, and she loves me regardless of all this shit.” I sat back in the chair and grinned,
satisfied with my answer.

"Hmm," She continued flipping through the file. "So, how's the medicine working for
you? Are you still having side effects?"

"Yeah. I hate it."

"Why?"

"It makes me feel weird. Numb. Like I have no feelings at all. And it makes me tired.
And shaky. And it fucks with my memory."

She scribbled something down on a piece of paper. "Okay. Well, are you taking it
regularly? Do you ever miss doses?"

"Sometimes."

"Purposely?"

"Yeah."

"Because you don't like how it makes you feel?" I nodded again. "Okay, well, I'm going
to lower your dosage. But you have to take it regularly or the side effects won't fade.
And I'm scheduling another visit in eight weeks."

I sighed and grabbed the new prescription from her hand. "Are we done here?"

"Yes. But, Edward," She stood up from her desk and walked over to me. "I think- and
I'm telling you this as a mother, not your doctor. I think you really should look into
detox. You'll be surprised at how everything in your life will change once you're clean. I
know from experience that people who are bipolar often turn to drugs and alcohol as an
out, but the people that I've seen that have cleaned up are completely different. Your
disease will be so much more manageable when drugs aren't involved. It won't be an
obstacle in your life anymore. Trust me."

I gulped and smiled. "Okay… Thanks. See you in eight weeks."

Bella stood up and met me as I walked back out to the waiting room. We both shivered
as we walked outside and the cold air hit us.

“So, how was it?”

“Fine.”

“What’d she ask you?”

“None of your business.” I chuckled as she glared at me. “Nothing. Same shit. She
asked about you.”

“Oh yeah? What’d you tell her?”

“I told her about that thing you do with your tongue.” She shoved my back as we
descended down the stairs to the subway. “She did give me a new prescription, though.
She lowered my dosage. Maybe this time it’ll make me be nice.”

“Doubt it.” She giggled as I threw my arm around her neck and messed up her hair.
“Edward, Christmas is only a month away.”

“So?”

“So, I have to go visit my mom. Since Charlie is coming here for the wedding in
January, they’re making me see her for Christmas. Do you want to come?”

I looked at her and scrunched my nose. “No can do.”

“Why not? You don’t even like your parents.” We got onto the subway and sat in the far
corner.

“Can we talk about this later?”

She sighed and nodded. “Where are we going now?”

“To drop this bad boy off.” I held up my prescription. “And then… wherever you
want.”

“Your place?” I nodded.

After dropping off my prescription at the Duane Reade closest to my apartment, we ran
upstairs, shaking. It was fucking freezing outside. Bella started heating up water on the
stove as soon as she walked in.

“Let’s take a bath in the Jacuzzi tub!”

“What?”

“Come on! You have that huge, pretty tub and you never even use it. It’ll be fun…”

She winked at me and peeled her jacket off, dropping it on one of the barstools. Not that
I didn’t want to have sex with Bella, but lately I’d been doing it in the dark when the
lights were off, just to make sure she didn’t see anything. Technically, there wasn’t
much to see, yet. I had a few small scabs on one leg and a bruise on the other one. I
doubted she’d even know what it was if she noticed it.

“You just get in. I’ll finish making your tea.” She skipped over toward the bathroom
and within seconds I heard the steady stream of water. I waited by the stove for the
water to boil, trying to weigh my priorities. Option One, have hot Jacuzzi sex with my
girlfriend. Option Two, have my girlfriend find my track marks and flip the fuck out.

I grabbed the mug and booked it toward the bathroom. The room was full of steam and
Bella was sitting in the tub, her hair wrapped up on top of her head. She grabbed the

mug from me and smiled as I sat on the edge of the tub, only putting my one foot in the
water.

“Why aren’t you coming in?”

“I’d rather just watch you.” I grabbed the soap and pulled one of her legs out of the
water, gently moving my hands up and down it.

“Edward?” She took a sip of her tea and looked at me.

“Hmm?”

“The wedding is coming soon.”

“I know. It‘s so weird that Emmett’s really getting married. And I can’t believe I’m
stuck with Rosalie for life.”

She giggled and rested her leg on mine, making a wet patch on my jeans. “Do you want
to get married?”

I smiled. “Yeah.”

“To me?” She pursed her lips playfully.

“Hopefully.”

“When?”

“When I’m clean.” Bella’s smiled faded and she dropped her leg back into the water as
she sat up. She got onto her knees and put her wet hands on either side of my face,
pulling my head toward her.

“I love you, Edward Cullen.”

“I know.” She grabbed the bottom of my shirt and pulled it over my head. “Okay, hold
on, I’ll get in.”

I waited until she sat back in her spot before I stood up and pulled my pants off. I
quickly stepped into the tub and dropped down so my legs were submerged. Bella
laughed and spun around so she was laying between my legs, the back of her head
resting on my chest. I exhaled, realizing I was safe for the moment.

“We should do this more.” She squeezed my thigh under the water and I bent my head
down and kissed the side of her neck.

“Okay.”

“Edward, everything’s going to be okay. You know that right?” She sounded so
convincing. She made it sound like everything was so easy.

“No.”

“What do you mean, no?”

“I mean, no, I don’t know that everything’s going to be okay.”

Bella sighed and wrapped her fingers around mine, squeezing tightly. “Why not?”

“Because. There’s so much I need to do… I’ve fucked up so much, and… I just don’t
know if I can do it. I can’t see my life after I’m clean. You know? It seems so far
away.”

“I know it seems like it, but it’s not far away. It’ll be hard, but worth it. I’m telling
you.” She turned her head to the side so she was looking at my face and she raised her
eyebrows. “Can I ask you something?”

“What?”

“When are you going to do it?”

“Detox?”

“Yeah. What are you waiting for?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m just not ready. I will be, soon.”

“Okay.” She wiggled her foot around, making the water splash. “So, can we talk about
Christmas now?”

“What about it?”

“Please come with me. To Phoenix.” I shook my head.

“I can’t go. You have to understand that.” There was no way I was going with her to
Arizona. I couldn’t go on a plane, unless I planned on going to jail for carrying that shit
with me. And if I didn’t, I’d start going through fucking withdrawal at her Mom’s house
and be puking and shit. No, thanks.

“Edward…” She groaned and I could see the wrinkles in her forehead from her
frowning. I touched her cheek, trying to cheer her up. “I don’t want to be away from
you for that long. I hate just being away from you when I’m at work, or at home. And
this is across the country. For days.”

“How about this?” I took a deep breath, willing to compromise. “I’m not going. So,
please don’t ask me again. But,” I put my finger under her chin and tilted her head up so
she was looking at me. “I was thinking… why don’t you just move in?”

Her mouth dropped open and she blinked a few times. I laughed and waited for her
response.

“You want me… to live here? With you?”

“Yeah.” I shrugged. “You’re always here anyway. Rose and Emmett are going to be
moving in together in a month. And Alice and Jasper are probably going to do it soon,
too. Unless you don‘t want to-”

“No, it’s not that.”

“What?”

“I can’t… afford to live here, Edward. I couldn’t just live off of you. It’s not really fair.”
I looked down at her and laughed.

“Are you serious? I’m paying for it anyway. What difference does it make? If you want
to feel like you’re chipping in, buy groceries or something. Pay the electric bill, I don’t
know.”

Bella sat up and looked at me. She held her finger up to her mouth and tapped it a
couple of times as she thought.

“Are you sure about this?” She narrowed her eyes at me.

“Yep.” I didn’t hesitate.

“Okay! I’ll do it! But… let’s not tell our parents. And I’m going to wait until Rosalie
moves out, too.”

“Yeah, whatever.” I laughed as she squealed with delight and hopped into my arms,
kissing me with excitement.

I wasn’t entirely sure about what I was doing. With her always there, I was going to
have less time alone. We couldn’t have any secrets. But for once in my life, something
was bigger than my addiction. Instead of the drugs, I was waking up in the morning for
her. She had become the most important thing in my life. And I was going to do
whatever I had to do to make sure things stayed perfect between us.

Trouble

BPOV

I pretty much ran off the plane to see Edward. The four days I spent in Arizona were
torturous, and all I wanted to do was see his face. My flight was delayed, and since my
phone was dead I didn’t get the chance to tell Edward I was going to be late. So when I
walked through the gate and didn’t see him there, I was confused. Before going to pick
my bags up, I stopped at a pay phone and called him.

“Hello?” He sounded half asleep when he picked up.

“Edward? Where are you?”

“Sorry. I’m almost there.”

Almost there? What the fuck?

“Edward, my flight landed twenty minutes ago and it was over an hour late. What
happened?”

He yawned. “I was tired. I fell asleep and lost track of time.”

Tired clearly meaning high.

I sighed. “Whatever. I’m gonna get my bag. I’ll meet you outside.”

I hung up without waiting for a response.

I reminded myself over and over on the walk to the baggage claim not be angry. This
was what the consequences were, and unless I was going to put my foot down, I just had
to deal with it. It was draining me, though. There was a constant fight going on inside
my head between how much I loved Edward and how much it was worth it. And how
much I loved him always won.

Edward was waiting for me in the drop off zone. He looked like shit. He had a hat on,
and the dark purple bruises under his eyes were more defined than ever. His skin was
eerily pale, and if it was even possible he seemed skinnier then the last time I saw him. I
figured all those things just seemed more noticeable because it had been awhile since
I’d seen him. I didn’t want to start a fight, so I smiled and dropped my bag as I ran up to
him and embraced him. I buried my nose in his shirt, breathing in as much of his smell
as I could. He kissed me long and hard and all my troubled thoughts just kind of floated
away.

“Is everything okay?” I asked him on the way back to the apartment. Our apartment.

“Yeah. Why?”

“You seem tired.”

He shrugged me off and said nothing.

“How was Renee?”

“She’s good. Very good. We talked about you a lot.”

“What’d you say?” He stared out the window, seemingly disinterested in the
conversation. I slid closer to him and weaved my fingers through his, basking in the
close proximity to Edward that I’d missed so much.

“I tried to explain to her what you looked like in person, since I don’t think pictures do
you justice. She was shocked by the pictures, though. She said she’d never seen such a
beautiful man before in her life.” I let out a laugh as Edward smirked. “I told her how

good you were to me. How much I love you. How amazing you are at everything you
do. And… I told her we moved in together and not to say anything to Charlie yet.”

“Your dad’s gonna kick my ass.”

“I won’t let him.” I snuggled closer to Edward and rested my head on his shoulder for
the rest of the ride.

As soon as we got up to our apartment, I unpacked all my stuff and hopped in the
shower. Despite the long flight and how tired I was, all I wanted to do was be near
Edward. Knowing he was in the other room, I finished up as speedily as humanly
possible and jetted out to the main room. I didn’t even bother getting dressed. He was
standing at the kitchen counter, looking through index prints from a shoot he’d done
when I was away.

“That one’s really good,” I said, pointing to one.

“Yeah, I like it.” He circled it with a sharpie. “I don’t like this one. Or this one.” He
went through the pages, circling and slashing out thumbnails with the marker.

“Oh, that reminds me! I got you something.” He raised an eyebrow as I ran to my
suitcase, clenching the front of my robe closed. I pulled out the wrapped box and
dropped it on the counter. “Merry Christmas.”

He looked at the box and rolled his eyes. “I thought you said we weren’t getting each
other gifts.”

“I know, but I found this and I couldn’t not give it to you.”

Edward ripped the paper off the package eagerly and looked down at the unmarked box.
He lifted the top and his eyes widened when he saw what was inside.

“Bella… how…”

He was speechless. I felt proud.

“Do you like it?”

“Do I like it? Are you serious?” He held the camera up to the light and spun it around.
“How… where…”

“Well, Renee made me go up to the attic with her to take down the Christmas
decorations and when we were up there I saw a box… I guess my grandfather was like,
an amateur photographer or something and he used to collect cameras and most of them
were in bad shape, but he took really good care of this one. So, I looked it up on Google
and I saw it was really rare and I figured you’d appreciate it. Renee didn’t really care
giving it to me.”

He didn’t say anything, he just kept staring at it and holding it up to his face.

“This is amazing, Bella. Thank you. So much.” He carefully put it down and grabbed
my face, pulling my lips to his. “I may have gotten you something, too.”

“You bastard. I knew you wouldn’t listen to me.” Even with his little “situation” that
was going on, Edward was always looking for ways to spend money on me.

He walked into the kitchen and pulled open a drawer. I watched him shuffle through it
for a minute, and then he slid a piece of paper across the counter to me. I held it up to
my face and gasped.

A couple weeks before, I’d been looking through Forbes and there was a list of
expensive hotel suites in New York. Edward was sitting next to me, and I went on for a
good five minutes about how cool it would be to stay in the Louis XV suite in The Plaza
one day. He laughed it off, and I doubted he was even listening to me, but there it was,
in front of my face, a reservation for two nights. It cost thousands to stay there per
night. I held my hand up to my mouth and shook my head, not believing he did that for
me.

“You’re ridiculous.” I jumped into his arms and squeezed him as tight as I could, trying
to show my gratitude. He laughed and kissed the top of my head as he pulled away.

“Go get dressed,” He said, lifting the edge of my robe. I shook my head and pouted.

“Why don’t you get undressed?” Edward was wearing a hoody on top of his flannel
shirt, and t-shirt. I hated the layers. I tried pulling off the zip-up, but he pulled his arms
away.

“Stop… not now, I’m not in the mood.”

I looked at him with disgust.

“Not in the mood? I haven’t seen you in days, and-”

“It’s only been four days. I’m just tired.”

Something was wrong. Edward never refused sex with me, not when he was drunk, or
tired, or even when he was sleeping. I could shake him awake and he’d get up and do it
if I wanted to.

“It can be fast.”

He laughed and shook his head.

“Stop, Bella. I don’t want to.”

“Well, I do!” I tried pulling at his sweatshirt again, but he took a step back from me.
“Edward.”

I wasn’t taking no for an answer. Carefully, I took a step toward him and ran my fingers
through his hair, starting at his temple and working back behind his neck. I let my hand

fall gently to his shoulder, and he didn’t move away so I stood on my toes and kissed
underneath his jaw. I placed small kisses across his cheek, pressing my body against his
with longing. I felt him go hard under his jeans, so I knew he wanted me too.

“Please, Edward.” Gently, I slipped his sweatshirt off his shoulders and heard it fall to
the ground. Step one: complete.

Instead of kissing his lips, I stuck the tip of my tongue out and gently licked the corner
of his mouth. I heard him moan quietly, so I grabbed his hand and pulled him toward
the bed, not moving my body more then a few steps from his. I spun around and pressed
his shoulders down so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Cautiously, I knelt down so
I was on my knees and untied his shoes, pulling each one off slowly. I was afraid if I
started to go crazy he’d change his mind.

My fingers traced the waistband on his jeans, and I unbuttoned them, motioning for
Edward to lift himself so I could pull them off. He did, but he pulled me up by my
elbows so I was standing in front of him, between his legs, and he shimmied out of his
pants on his own. My heart started beating faster as I looked down at him, sitting there
in his boxers waiting for me. I sat down next to him and scooted back so that I was
sitting in the middle of the bed. Edward rolled over so that he was hovering on top of
me, and without hesitating he stuck his hand inside the open slit in my robe, kneading
his hands gently along my chest, making me quiver. All the yearning and desire I felt
every time we were together started swelling, and I pulled him down to me, kissing him
as passionately as I could. His taste and his smell made me melt, as always, and even
the slight prickling that I felt from his stubble as he moved his face down the side of my
neck made me groan. I lifted my arm and grabbed a handful of his hair, yanking him
forward and pushing his head closer to my body. I sat up suddenly, my robe completely
open, and I pulled my arms out of it. I needed to see his body, in a way that I couldn’t
describe. As I fiddled with the buttons on his shirt, he unexpectedly froze and swatted
my hands away.

“Stop.” His mouth was in the crease between my neck and my shoulder, and he didn’t
look up when he said it.

“No, take it off.” I hated having sex with Edward when I couldn’t see or touch his entire
body. I felt like it was a waste.

“Nuh-uh.” He continued kissing my neck and moving his tongue along my skin, trying
to distract me. It worked for a few seconds, but that was all. Instead of trying to
unbutton his shirt, I was ready to just rip it off.

I tried, and he caught my wrist, squeezing it unreasonably hard.

“Oww.” He didn’t let go.

“What’s your problem?” He asked me, like I was the one who was acting fucking weird.

“Um, what’s yours? Why are you making this so difficult?”

He got on his knees and rolled his eyes at me. “Bella, I told you I wasn’t in the mood.
You’re being difficult.”

“Well, it seems like you’re in the mood,” I said, pointing at his crotch.

He looked down at it and said nothing.

Something was going on, and it was pissing me off. I was tired, and I missed him, and
he forgot me at the airport, and all I wanted to do was have normal, naked sex with my
god damned boyfriend and he was making it too hard. I knew I was being a baby and
probably making a big deal out of nothing, but I felt the tears start coming. He sighed
and moved closer to me, pulling my head to his chest. His clothed chest.

“Come on, Bella. Why are you crying?”

“Because, I love you and you… you’re rejecting me!”

“I’m not rejecting you. Stop crying, there’s no reason to be upset.” He moved the hair
from my face with his hand and kissed my forehead.

“Then, just fuck me already,” I cried, yanking at his shirt.

“Stop.” He somehow managed to grab both my wrists with his one hand and keep the
other one wrapped around my body. I couldn’t move so I just kept crying and I shoved
my elbow into his chest.

“Edward! Take your fucking shirt off, now!” I was in hysterics. I ripped my hands out
of his grip and started clawing at his shirt, accidentally scratching the side of his neck,
making it bleed. He was getting angry, and I didn’t care because I was too fucking tired
of side stepping around all of his erratic emotions.

His face was turning red, and he kept moving my hands away when I tried to touch him,
and suddenly he just blew up and shoved me back gently so I couldn’t grab him.

“Fine! You want me to take my shirt off? Fine!” He furiously yanked both shirts over
his head and left them in a small pile next to him. His chest was red in patches from my
roughness, and he was breathing heavily through his flared nostrils. I started in
astonishment, suddenly realizing what was going on. I felt my mouth drop open, but I
couldn’t comprehend everything fast enough to close it.

“Edward… what…”

I reached my hand out to try and grab his fingers, but he pulled away from me. He
looked down at the bed, ashamed. I realized then that I had two options. I could listen to
what Jasper said and get up, get dressed, and run, showing him that unless he changed I
wasn’t going to stay with him. Or, I could sit here and comfort him, and show him that I
loved him and prove to him that I would stand by him no matter how much worse he
was getting. Neither option seemed like the right one. I was stuck between a rock and a
hard place. A really hard rock and a really hard place.

“Come here.”

He shook his head at me and made no attempt to move. Slowly, I crawled forward and
kneeled in front of him, sitting on the heels of my feet. I grabbed his hand and pulled it
to my face, gently kissing his palm. His breathing started to slow a little, and his frown
loosened. I straightened out his right arm and ran my fingers along the different colored
bruises and the cuts and scabs that trailed his once perfect limb. I did the same thing
with the other one, gulping when I saw it was worse. I shook my head, trying to figure
out what this meant to me.

“Why?” He shrugged and tried to pull his arm out of my grasp, but I held it steady. I
turned my head and rubbed my face against my shoulder, trying to wipe off the excess
tears that I couldn’t stop from falling.

I stared at the track marks for a few more seconds before I dropped his arm, which fell
limply beside him. Then, I inched forward and wrapped my arms around his neck,
leaning forward so my head was against his chest, the way it was before. He sighed and
enfolded me in his arms, resting his lips against the top of my head and breathing into
my hair.

“I love you, Edward.” Edward and I had a thing with each other, that we didn’t often
say ‘I love you’ to each other, unless we needed to emphasize it. It came in handy at
times like this.

“I know.”

I turned my head and kissed the center of his chest, pushing him down so he was lying
against the pillows. He stretched out his legs and I straddled them and I moved down his
torso, planting kisses along the planes of his chest and his stomach and down his happy
trail, until I got to his boxers. I pulled them down and wrapped my mouth around him,
because even though I knew it was inappropriate and we should’ve been talking, I
needed him to feel good.

After a few minutes he pulled me up by my shoulders and kissed my forehead before
rolling on top of me. He wasted no time pushing into me, and I indulged in the feeling
of Edward gently moving in and out of me, because I’d waited for days and I needed
him so desperately. It wasn’t the full fledged, rough, fervent sex that we always had.
Instead, he was slow, and gentle and the difference had an even bigger effect on my
body then it usually did. When we were done, he rolled onto his back with defeat, and I
rested my head on his bare chest, grasping his hand and kissing each of his fingers and
his palm and his wrist over and over.

I was at a loss. A deadlock. No matter what I did at that point, it was wrong, and all I
wanted to do was lie there in bed with Edward forever and pretend like we had no
problems and that everything would be fine as long as we had each other.
Unfortunately, morning eventually came. Neither of us slept, or even moved. We just
laid there, holding each other all night in silence. Because Edward knew that everything
was different now, and I knew everything was different, and I think we were both trying
to figure out where to go from there.

“Bella?”

It was almost nine when he said something.

“Yeah?”

He sat up, shivering and moved his glorious, naked body under the blankets. I followed
and cuddled up next to him as close as I could.

“Let’s talk.”

“Okay.” I combed my hair through his fingers as he sighed.

“I’m not getting better.”

“I see that.” I spoke the words quietly into his chest.

“I think I should… set a date. You know? To do… everything.” I nodded and kissed his
shoulder. “It’s December 29th today. So, I don’t what it’s gonna be like… or how long
it’s gonna take, or how many weeks after I’m gonna be… you know? I was thinking
like, maybe after the wedding. What do you think?”

“Yes.” I didn’t need to say anything else.

“I’m not going to a detox center. I’m just gonna do it here.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I want you to be here. With me.” I gulped. “Can you do that?”

“Just me? Like… alone?”

He nodded. “From what Carlisle tells me, best case scenario is that it’s just like a really
bad flu. You can handle that, right?”

“Yes.” I was lying. I didn’t know that I could handle it, but I’d try. For him, I’d do
anything. “What’s the worst case scenario?”

“I don’t know.”

“I read that you can get medicine… to help you through it. Can Carlisle-”

“No. I don’t want anything. I’m not giving this up to just become addicted to
Methadone or some shit like that.”

I didn’t want to say anything, but I knew that was going to make it was harder for him.

“Okay.”

“Just… please stick with me for the next couple of weeks. I need you.” His voice
sounded like it cracked, and I didn’t want to look at him because I was afraid to see him
that upset.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ve told you that repeatedly. You should know by now.”

“Thank you.” He kissed my forehead and pinched a lock of my hair between his fingers.

“Edward, why… why are you shooting up?” He didn’t say anything about it and I
needed to know.

“Because, talking to people, everyone said it was cheaper that way, and I was bugging
out and desperate, so I tried it and… yeah, it’s cheaper but I feel so much more fucked
up now. And I can’t go back.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

“I don’t know… a month.”

I sighed and slapped my hand to my forehead. “How blind am I, that I don’t notice these
things? I fucking live here.”

“I hid it well.”

“Obviously. So what happened? Your arms weren’t like this before I left.”

Edward lifted up the blanket and bent his knee, revealing a bunch of scabs and bruises
that I’d neglected to notice. I felt sick.

“Ugh. I hate this, Edward. You’re ruining your perfect body.”

He laughed, but it was more of an ashamed laugh then anything.

“I know. I’m fucking stupid.”

I didn’t argue with that.

“Bella, I love you. I don’t tell you that enough, but I do. I’m so sorry for everything I’m
doing to you. I promise you, as soon as I’m better, I’ll make it up to you for the rest of
your life.”

“You don’t need to do anything. Just being with me is enough.”

It was the truth.

We laid there together in silence, finally falling asleep.

Turn for the Worst

BPOV

Throughout my eight months with Edward, I’d had more emotional highs and lows then
I knew what to do with. Over time, it was like we’d almost become the same person;
when he was ecstatic, I was ecstatic. When he was despondent, I was despondent. I’d
also begun to notice a pattern. The miserable times were always preceded by really
happy times. I could give example after example of specific highs and lows, but the
point is that I should’ve been more careful and more aware. I should’ve been paying
closer attention. I shouldn't have let it go as long as it did after learning the truth about
Edward.

Emmett and Rosalie were getting married on January 31st. Edward had promised that
soon after the wedding, he was going to get clean. I was literally counting down the
calendar days, minutes, hours and seconds.

As the wedding got closer and closer, life got more and more hectic. Whenever I wasn’t
working, I was doing something for the wedding, and Edward just sort of got pushed to
the side. When I think about it, I blame myself for Edward's downfall. I should have
made a point of giving him more of my time and been there, giving him support and
motivating him to stick to the decision he had made. After all, the decision he had made
was one of the hardest he ever had to make and would probably be the hardest he would
ever have to make. I should’ve been encouraging him, and talking about it to him often,
and checking up on him as much as I could to make sure he was alright. A competent
girlfriend should know when something isn’t “okay”. Well, as okay as it could be under
the fucked up circumstances. She should be able to spot a problem in a second. Of
course with Edward, it seemed like I was riding the Coney Island roller coaster of his
emotions, and I didn’t really notice when one dip in the ride got lower than another.

*

“So, please just do that for me, Bella. It would help a lot.”

I was only half paying attention to Rosalie. It was nearly midnight, and I hadn’t seen
Edward since before I left for work that morning, and flowers or whatever she was
talking about to me seemed kind of insignificant. I mean, it was her wedding and all, I
was her maid of honor, but I couldn't help that my mind was elsewhere.

“Yeah, sure. Do you need anything else?” I was hoping she’d say no. I was the worst
maid of honor in history.

“Nope. Just what I told you about the flowers. Oh, and of course don’t forget to pick up
my dress tomorrow.”

“Flowers and the dress. I got it.” I stood up from Rosalie and Emmett’s dining room
table and started shrugging into my jacket.

“Thanks, Bella. You’ve made things so much easier for me. I don’t know what I’d do
without you.” She stood up and hugged me before planting a kiss on my forehead.

“It’s no problem,” I said, looking around to make sure I got everything. I had tried all
night not to seem distracted, but the later it got, the less I cared.

“Um… is everything okay?” Rosalie leaned forward and whispered to me, touching my
arm sympathetically. She made it a point to lower her voice enough so that Emmett,
who was sitting right in the other room watching some game, couldn’t hear her.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Apparently I said it with a lack of enthusiasm, because she wasn’t
convinced.

“Really?” She asked again.

I nodded.

“Bella, listen,” She put her hand on my back as she started walking me toward the front
door. “I know that this whole thing has been really hard, and I’ve been… less than
empathetic. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to me about stuff, because even
if I disagree, you’re my friend, and I’ll always be here for you, okay? I don’t want you
to feel like you have to hide stuff because of the wedding and all the planning and
everything.”

“No, everything’s okay,” I lied. Truth is, since I'd gotten back from visiting my mother
and discovered Edward's latest secret, things were getting harder by the minute. Every
time that I thought nothing could get worse, somehow Edward surprised me. My latest
issue with him stemmed from his lack of discomfort when it came to shooting up
around me. Where at first he was ashamed and embarassed with himself, he gradually
began showing no remorse whatsoever. I couldn't help but to think that I was somehow
responsible- he's managed to take my lack of a reaction and somehow translate it into
tacit permission for him to do what he wanted.

“Okay… well, I’ll see you tomorrow right?”

I nodded again and forced a smile. I felt awful about everything. I really was honored
that Rose had chosen me, and I wish I could’ve put my all into helping her with
everything. But even without the wedding, I was having a hard time dealing with
everything that was going on in my life. It seemed like Edward took up 95% of my time
and energy, and everything else had to be squeezed into that last little 5% that I had left.
Work. My friends. My family. My book. The wedding. Everything.

As soon as I walked onto the sidewalk, I tried calling Edward‘s cell.

No answer.

I tried calling the apartment.

No answer.

This wasn’t uncharacteristic of him. Lately he’d been more out of it then I’d ever seen
him, but I kept ignoring it and biting my tongue because I knew the end of everything
was near. Or at least I hoped the end of everything was near. On my walk to the
subway, I called Jasper, who had been keeping in close contact with me behind
Edward’s back because he was constantly restless and worrying. Jasper wasn’t
convinced when I told him about Edward’s plan to get clean. He said he’d heard it from

him plenty of times before, and somehow it never worked out. I didn’t want to tell him,
but I had faith in Edward that he’d do it not just for himself, but for me. This time he
had a passionate reason for trying. Also, I didn’t want to admit to myself that there was
a chance Jasper was right.

I started to feel melancholy on the elevator ride up to our apartment. For the past couple
of weeks, I’d pray every day before opening the door that he’d be there, still alive. He
was usually passed out every time I came home, and Rosalie's experienced with Edward
had burned a permanent scar in my mind, so I always expected the worst.

Today was no different. My chest tightened as I slowly cracked the door open. The
lights were all low except for in the living room, where the TV also contributed to the
light, casting a dim, blue haze across the room. A normal person would drop their stuff,
turn the lights on, and take off their coat and shoes. Not me. I ran to the sofa, where sure
enough, Edward was unconscious, needle still in his arm. It was the sick, twisted routine
that I’d somehow found myself in without realizing how I got there.

I yanked the syringe from his vein and discarded it on the coffee table before gently
slapping his face. I did it a couple times, to no avail. Eventually the slaps became harder
until I reached my emotional threshold, and I put my hands on his shoulders and started
shaking him, putting my entire body weight into it. Only then did I see his eyes flutter
and hear a light moan escape from his mouth.

“Edward, get up. I’m home.” I spit out the words with spite, which I immediately
regretted because being angry was useless. Anger was just an emotion that got in the
way and caused me to lose touch with common sense.

“Sorry,” He muttered, rubbing his eyes with his palms. “What time is it?”

“Time to stop falling asleep with needles in your arms,” I murmured under my breath,
still not fully calmed down. I left the room to undress and change into my pajamas. I’d
learned to do things like that as quickly as possible, since Edward could pass out at any
second and not want to get back up. Luckily, when I rejoined him on the sofa he was
groggy and clearly worn out, but he was awake.

I took a deep breath and sat next to him on the sofa, ready to battle it out. I didn’t know
how many more days I could come home to the “Is Edward Breathing?” game and not
have a mental breakdown.

I made sure there was space between us on the sofa so I wasn’t distracted by his smell,
or the light freckles on the bridge of his nose, or his eyes. Whenever I tried to say
something important, those little things always made me lose my train of thought.

“You can’t keep doing this.” It was just a little burp of the word vomit I was holding
back.

Edward slowly turned his head toward me and looked down at me, the green of his eyes
glowing through his thick lashes. I looked down at my feet to try and fight my body’s
urge to move closer to him.

Without saying anything, he limply stuck his arm out and pinched a piece of my hair
between his index finger and his thumb, slowly running through the length of it and
then tucking it behind my ear. I was transfixed for a minute, but before he could touch
me again I smacked his hand away. It bothered me that I was subconsciously careful not
to touch his arm roughly. That wasn’t something that should’ve been learned. It wasn’t
normal.

“If you keep doing this, you will die. I can’t keep running home to make sure you’re
breathing whenever you don’t answer your phone.”

He kept his eyes on the TV and said nothing and instead of continuing on with my well
thought out lecture, I gave up. There was no talking to him. There was no reasoning
with him. Trying to compromise with him like I would any other person was just a
complete and utter fucking waste of energy. Because as much as I tried to deny it, there
was no way to reason or compromise with a junkie. And that's what Edward was.

“Why are you sitting over there?” He asked me, patting the space between us. As if I’d
just been sitting there, talking to myself or something.

Once again, I was reminded of what Jasper had said, and how I was too fucking soft and
too much of a pushover and how I didn’t fight for him because I was scared and
obsessed. I just wanted to slam my head through his glass coffee table because no
matter what, I was- Always. Fucking. Wrong.

I slid over to Edward and he draped his arm around me, and I leaned my head back into
his shoulders. He turned his head to the side and rubbed his stubble on my cheek and
kissed my temple, and slowly I felt myself calming. I had two options when it came to
how I felt- I was either logical and on edge when I was without Edward, or calm and
happy and completely fucking useless when I was with him. For too long I’d played the
denial card and sat there, afraid to leave his side, and now it was biting me in the ass.
Jasper was right- I was the only one who had the power to do anything and now it’d
become my fault because I was too much of a scared little bitch to use the power to my
advantage. To his advantage.

Edward lifted the hand that was around my shoulder and started combing his fingers
soothingly through my hair. I knew what happened when he did that, so I twisted my
head to the side and planted a kiss on the side of his neck, underneath his jaw, and I let
the well-needed rest encompass me.

*

I enjoyed my mornings with Edward, because in all reality, it was the only time of the
day that I knew he wasn’t fucked up. He usually waited until I left for the day to do
whatever he had to do, and after that he wasn’t the same. It was times like those that
reminded me why I was so in love with him; when he was himself, he was calming, and
funny, and sweet, and Edward. He literally was my other half. I think that was why I’d
been in so much pain lately? Because he was. My other half was dying, and I wasn’t
myself anymore unless he was there. The intensity of our relationship was starting to
scare me a little.

“What do you think of this one?” I spun the catalog that the florist had given me around
to Edward and he shrugged.

“It’s nice.”

He was no help. He tightened his legs, squeezing me between them. Boutonnieres and
corsages were the last thing I wanted to be thinking about.

“Open,” Edward directed me, leaning over from the spot where he was perched on the
counter to stick a half eaten strawberry in my mouth. I bit down on it without looking
up at him and kept concentrating on my flower duties. I rested the book on his lap and
kept flipping the pages as Edward fed the both of us breakfast.

“Ohm! Look, at this one. Which one do you like better?” I moved the page back and
forth as he furrowed his brow, squinting at the book.

“Hush… uh… that one. Yeah, that one.”

“Really?” I asked.

“I don’t know, Bella. Every single one in there looks the same to me.”

I let out a giggle. “I know. Me too.”

I slid the book onto the counter and took a step further between Edward’s legs. I
rummaged through the bowl of fruit salad and decided on a pineapple, sticking it
between my teeth and winking at Edward. He dipped his head and bit off half without
even touching my lips.

“Hey!”

He laughed, hopping off the counter and grabbing my waist, before spinning me around
and lifting me onto where he’d just been sitting.

“Let’s have an Edward and Bella day today,” He said with a smirk, leaning in and
nibbling on the side of my neck.

“Ugh… I wish I could.” I pulled at random pieces of the hair on the top of his head that
were sticking up. “I have to go order these stupid corsage things so they’ll be there on
time and then I have to pick up Rosalie’s dress and then… I’m having dinner with your
mom.”

He stopped kissing my neck long enough to look up and he frowned. “Just cancel.” And
then he started back where he was, nipping and licking his way across my collarbone.

“No, there’s stuff… I have to talk to her about.”

Stuff meaning Edward. Esme and I had been secretly meeting every couple weeks so I
could give her insight as to how he was coming along. I was absolutely dreading today's
meeting.

“Whatever.” This time he spoke the words against my skin, not allowing he to be
distracted. I felt the warmth of his fingers skim across my arm as he swiped the strap of
my nightie down, moving his lips tenderly across my shoulder.

His hands inched up my legs, from where they started at the place my knees were bent,
trailing up the top of my thigh, and then hooking into the band of my underwear. I lifted
myself and then pulled my one leg out, stretching my other leg straight ahead of me so
he could pull them the rest of the way off. Edward stood there, just staring at me for a
minute before I clenched the front of his t-shirt between my fist and tugged him toward
me. I tasted pineapple and strawberries as I skimmed the tip of my tongue across his
lips.

Suddenly, all the muscles in my body contracted when I felt Edward’s warm touch, as
he slid his fingers in and out on me. I felt the corner of his mouth curl up against my lips
as I let out a sigh.

“Just stay with me,” Edward groaned into my ear, strategically moving his fingers
deeper inside of me.

“I… can’t,” I gasped, struggling to try and make a cohesive sentence. Edward stopped
kissing me and touched his forehead to mine.

“Just get the dress and do everything else tomorrow,” he whispered. I closed my eyes
and shook my head. I heard the jingle of Edward’s belt buckle and I looked down,
watching him undo his pants so they dropped dangerously low on his hips. He wrapped
his long fingers around my waist and pulled me forward, until my butt was on the edge
of the counter, level with him.

“Sex isn’t gonna distract me today,” I warned him as he lowered his boxers. I’d been
sleeping with Edward for five months and I still wasn’t used to the extreme yearning my
body felt as soon as I looked at him uncovered.

“Okay,” He said with a smirk. Without a warning he pushed himself into me, making
me gasp.

“Edward!” He chuckled against my neck, kissing his way up behind my ear. “Listen,” I
tried talking to him between his thrusts and my moaning of his name. “You can come
with me?”

“No.” This time he didn’t even lift his mouth off mine to say it.

“Why not?”

“Just shut up, B.”

So I did.

I managed to persuade Edward into taking a shower with me, so I could spend as much
time with him as I could before I left. Even though I was going to be going back and
forth all day and I knew I would see him again soon but that knowledge wasn’t enough

because I knew what he’d be doing as soon as I left the house. It wouldn't be the same
when I got back.

I went to the Florist first and ordered the flowers, flirting a little with the owner so that
I’d be sure they got there on time. That’s all I needed, was Rosalie bitching about some
crappy, trivial corsages. I ordered the ones that Edward picked. It took longer than
necessary, so instead of going home for lunch like I’d planned, I jumped in a cab and
flew uptown to pick up Rosalie’s dress. Thankfully all I had to do was pick it up.
Rosalie had a shoot all day so that meant I didn’t have to stay there and help her try it
on for the third time. It took her 25 minutes just to get into to the dress and then there
would have been the time it would take to make sure the alterations were right. I
dropped the garment bag into Emmett’s arms when he came to the door and tried to get
out of there as soon as I could, before he stopped me.

“Bella, wait,” He grabbed my arm with his free hand that wasn’t holding the dress and
pulled me into the apartment. I sighed and stared at him as he hung the dress up and
walked back to me. “Is my brother okay?”

“Yeah.” It was hard for me to lie to Emmett. But I did because I knew that he had better
things to worry about right now, like the wedding. If I told him the truth it would kill
him. It’d be another thing that happeend to Edward, which he blamed himself for.

“Are you sure? Because, lately you’ve seemed… low and the only time you’re like that
is when he does something. Did he do something?”

I shouldn’t have been surprised that Emmett was so intuitive, because he’d been dealing
with Edward’s problems for years and years before I came along. So, I looked down at
the floor and shook my head, before meeting his eyes and giving him a big, fake smile.

“Everything’s okay. I swear.” I turned toward the door and twisted the knob, but
Emmett slammed his palm against it and spun me around by my shoulders.

“Alright, Bella, I was hoping you’d just tell me the fucking truth, but since you’re
making this difficult, I’ll ask again. How’s my brother? Actually, let me reiterate. A
couple days ago when we were together, Edward’s sleeve rode up and I saw his fucking
arm, so tell me, how is he?”

I gulped, not knowing what to do. And then, in typical Bella fashion, I started
hiccupping and sobbing uncontrollably.

“I don’t know what to do!” Instead of Emmett consoling me, like people usually did
when I cried, he just kind of looked at me and shook his head with pity.

“Now you know how I felt.”

“No, it’s not the same… he’s… he’s out of control. I’m afraid, Emmett. I’m scared,
every single day that something’s going to happen. And he said he’s going to detox
after the wedding, but at this point… I’m terrified that he won’t even make it there.”

Emmett looked down at the floor, grabbing the bridge of his nose. “I have to tell my
father about this, Bella.”

“No! No, please, don’t. He trusts me, and he’s going to try for me- I’m afraid that if
Carlisle gets involved he won‘t want to do it anymore… please, Emmett, promise me
you won’t say anything!”

“No, Bella. I’m sorry.”

I tried to catch my breath, gasping between my sobs, “You can’t do this, Emmett-”

“Bella!” He grabbed my shoulders and shook me, trying to make me understand. “I get
why you think what you’re doing is okay, but let’s face it- nothing we’ve been doing is
right. None of us. It’s time to give up all the shit- the threatening, the shame, the denial,
the sitting around and ignoring it. It all needs to stop.”

He was probably rightt, but once again, I had the feeling that forcing Edward would be
pointless. I didn’t say anything though. I racked my mind for some way to fix what I
did.

“I’m having dinner with your mom later, I’ll talk to her. Please, let me talk to them.”

Somehow, I got Emmett to agree with me so that he would let me leave. Once again, the
weight of Edward’s problems was entirely on me. I cried to myself the entire taxi ride
back to the apartment. When I got upstairs, Edward was asleep on the bed.

I dropped my purse on the floor and sat next to him, putting my palms on his back to try
and shake him awake. He must’ve just fallen asleep, because he got up without much
effort.

“Why you crying?” He asked me as he flipped over, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Um,” I sighed and pulled my jacket off. “I went over to drop off Rosalie’s dress and
Emmett knows… about all this,” I said, gently skimming my fingers over his arm. “He
asked me how you were and-”

“And, what? What’d you do now?”

What did I do? Holy shit, my patience was running low.

“I told him you weren’t doing well and that I was scared. Because I am. I also told him I
that I don’t know what to do.”

Edward gave me a malicious look and stood up from the bed, stomping over to his
closet.

“What are you doing?” I asked him. He threw on a sweatshirt and his jacket, ignoring
me. “You can’t leave.” I ran in front of the door, blocking it with my body. It was a
stupid move, because if Edward wanted he could’ve just lifted me up and tossed me out
of the way with little effort.

“Why wouldn’t you just talk to me about this shit? Why do you have to go running to
him?” He was trying not to yell, but I felt how forced it was.

“I didn’t go running to him, he asked me! And anyway, I do try and talk to you. All the
time. You don’t want to talk to me, so how am I supposed to know what you want me to
do?”

Edward closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, tilting his head toward the floor.

“Just let me go talk to Emmett.” He was visibly calmer. It was against my better
judgment, but I stepped to the side to let him leave. I don’t know why I thought it would
be okay. Edward kissed my forehead before leaving and looked deep into my eyes.

“I’m sorry, Bella.”

I didn’t know what he was sorry for and the second he said it I got that feeling in my
stomach. You know that gut feeling you get when you just know something bad is
going to happen, or has already happened? Your not sure what it is but you know that
you can’t do a fucking thing about it?

After he walked out of the apartment and the door clicked shut behind him, I leaned my
head against the wall, my mind a blank and complete loss as to what to do. Was there
anything I could do?

Everything was silent.

It was the calm before the storm.

Missing

BPOV

I tapped my foot nervously on the floor of the taxi, in a vain attempt to try and keep
calm. It seemed impossible. I just knew something wasn't right. I had to leave the
apartment to meet Esme, but it had been two hours before I eventually left and Edward
hadn't come back during that time. Edward wasn’t answering his cell, but I hadn't gotten
a call from Emmett or Esme or anyone else yet, so I was trying assume everything was
fine. I was hoping that he had just gone to Emmett’s and that they’d talked things
through, and that when I returned home from dinner, he'd be waiting. It seemed far
fetched for some reason, but I was crossing my fingers.

The restaurant was a little, elegant French place uptown that was way out of my budget.
Esme always paid, so I never said anything. As soon as I walked inside, I realized I was
completely underdressed. I’d been too distracted to pay any attention to details like that.
The host looked me up and down, making me feel slightly uncomfortable, but when I
said Esme’s name his demeanor toward me instantly changed. He took my jacket before
leading me through the dimly lit restaurant, smiling and making polite conversation.
Esme was waiting at a small, private booth in the far corner, dressed impeccably, her
smooth hair pulled back neatly.

"Hello, Bella," she said, standing up to hug me. “I was just about to call you.”

"I'm so sorry I'm late. There was traffic and the cabdriver seemed to be intent on taking
the longest route possible to get here," I explained as I sat in my seat, sighing. She
looked at me for a couple seconds before sliding a menu across the table to me.

"Give us a minute, please?" She gave the waiter a polite smile before he slipped away.
"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

Was it so visibly obvious that I was a wreck? I felt like every person I'd seen in the past
two days had asked me the same question. Even the cabbies and the guy who worked at
PinkBerry.

I looked over the menu, the main reason being that it was a distraction from Esme's
maternal glare. My mother gave me that look when she knew something was up. I
couldn't eat if I wanted to. My stomach was flipping and having to lie to her was only
making it that much worse.

"Where's Edward?"

Boom. She wasted no time dropping the bomb.

"Um, I'm not sure to be honest. I was running around all day and when I got back to the
apartment he was out. I haven't been able to get in touch with him. I ordered the flowers
Rosalie asked me to, the florist assured me that there would be no problem having them
delivered on Saturday and then I picked up the dress. " I was rambling on and lying
because I was trying to give myself time to think about what I was going to tell her. I
knew I'd promised Emmett that I'd be honest, and as much as I was dreading the
upcoming conversation, I felt too responsible for how far it Edward’s situation had
deteriorated and I forced back the guilt that was overpowering my rationality.

“Great." Esme nodded. My distraction worked for the moment. "It's so soon. I can't
believe we managed to pull a wedding together in such a short period of time with
everything that's going on... It's a relief that we've made it without any catastrophes.
Knock on wood," She said, hitting the table for emphasis. I gulped and forced a smile,
the throbbing gut feeling I had since Edward left the apartment refusing to subside.

Before the waiter even had a chance to come back and take our order, I felt my phone
vibrating in my purse, and at the same time, I heard Esme's phone start ringing on the
table. My stomach dropped. She frowned and looked at her phone as though she had the
same feelings I was dealing with and was afraid that it would bite her hand when she
picked it up to answer it. Instead of searching through my bag to answer mine, I chose
to just listen to her conversation. After she pressed the talk button, I could hear yelling
coming from the earpiece and I began to feel as though everything was happening in
slow motion. Esme's face suddenly took on a panicked look as she tried to comprehend
what was going on.

"Jasper, I can't- tell him to stop yelling," she said, clearly trying to remain calm. "What
happened? I'm with her now? Where are you? Is he okay?" Esme put her hand on her
forehead and shook her head. "Maybe I should take her home... He doesn't sound like
he's being reasonable. I know... Okay, I can't hear, I'll be there as soon as I can."

She snapped her phone shut and stood up.

"What's wrong?" I asked, stuttering. She motioned for me to follow her and flew out of
the restaurant.

I don't know how I did it, but I managed to stay pretty collected. Esme didn't say
anything until we got in the cab.

"I don't know what happened. There was a lot of yelling and Jasper didn't really explain
anything."

She was lying.

"Where are we going?"

"Home. To my house," she clarified.

"Is Edward there?"

Esme just shook her head, apologetically.

*

APOV

I was sitting at the dining room table, doing paperwork for the store when Jasper came
barging into the apartment. He looked visibly distraught. Silently, I stared as he plopped
into the chair next to me, burying his face in his hands.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, slightly afraid.

He sighed and tapped his hands on the edge of the table. “I don’t know what to do.”

Jasper didn’t need to say who he was talking about, because it was painfully obvious it
was Edward. I felt a pang of nervousness in my chest as I slid my papers to the side,
leaning over the table so I was closer to Jasper.

“What happened?”

I’d tried to remain as neutral as possible when it came to dealing with anything related
to Edward’s problems. There were multiple reasons for it. For one, I wasn’t as close to
him as everyone else was, so besides for hearing other people’s accounts of their
experiences with him, I knew nothing of how desolate his situation had become or the
extent of his addiction. I figured that unless I was directly effected, the best thing that I
could do was just sit there and keep my mouth shut. Yeah, I had opinions- my main one

being that Edward’s parents needed to take more aggressive action and stop depending
on Emmett and Bella. But to me, uttering things like that out loud did nothing, except
state a problem without offering a solution. I had no suggestions as to what his parents
could do. I didn’t know Edward’s life story, so I doubted I could offer much help.

Another reason I tried not to get involved was because I felt like I was caught in the
middle- Rosalie was strictly against Bella and Edward’s relationship, and taking any
type of side or stating my opinion would only cause a rift in our friendship. In a way I
felt like I was the glue that was holding us together. Rosalie was never going to be at
ease with their relationship, and Bella was never going to leave him, so I was constantly
the mediator when it came to the two of them.

The last reason for my lack of involvement stemmed from Jasper’s position in
everything. He was frantic, constantly going back and forth between sticking up for
Edward, and sticking up for Emmett, and I knew he held some internal blame for how
Edward had become. He was in a hard place. Edward was his best friend, so he had a
static allegiance to him, often causing him to just step back and be silent instead of
speaking his mind to Edward. As far as Emmett went, Jasper sympathized with him
because he’d seen Emmett repeatedly make an effort to do what he thought was best for
Edward, and he always lost. Both of them felt horrible, and both of them were at a loss
as to what they could do next, so the matter was often pushed to the side and
overlooked. But as hard as everyone tried to ignore it, Edward’s circumstances were
like a cloud that loomed over everyone’s heads constantly. Only when it started raining
did people acknowledge it was there.

I recognized right now as one of those times.

“I’m scared… for Edward. Shit’s getting worse. I’m worried that if we don’t do
something now, something horrible will happen.”

“Why?”

He shook his head at me and moved his eyes from mine, glaring down at the table.

“Jasper, I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s going on,” I whispered, reaching out
and grabbing his hand. It was cold.

“You can’t say anything.”

“I won’t.”

Jasper went on to describe to me in detail how he’d discovered earlier that morning that
Edward had started shooting up, due to Carlisle cutting him off financially. Before
Rosalie had told me about Edward’s addiction, I had no idea that he was involved with
anything like that, because in my mind, junkies were crazy, and dirty, and stole from
people, and whatever other stereotypes I’d seen in movies. But, according to Jasper,
Edward’s composure was fading, and he felt like it was only a matter of time before he
hit an all-time low.

The first thing that went through my mind was Bella. My instincts told me that I needed
to protect my best friend. At the very least, I had to warn her. But Jasper had made it a
point to tell me I wasn’t to inform her of anything yet. He said he’d told her in so many
words on the cab ride there that something was really wrong, and that she’d gotten the
hint, since she broke down and started begging Jasper for answers. That infuriated me.

“Why would you make her feel that way?” I said, sighing. “This isn’t her fault. You’re
making her feel like it’s her responsibility to do something. Now, if something happens
to Edward, she’s never gonna forgive herself. And she doesn’t even know, specifically,
what’s wrong with him.”

“She’ll figure it out,” he muttered. “I feel like he’ll do anything for her. So if she leaves
him, maybe he’ll finally wake the fuck up and-”

“No. No, it’s not gonna do anything. He’s not a normal, rational human being. His
entire life is controlled by his addiction. Don’t you guys get that? Why wouldn’t you
tell Emmett this, or-”

“He told me not to tell Emmett. I can’t betray him like that.” Jasper’s head lolled back
and he stared at the ceiling, flustered.

“You wouldn’t be betraying him. You’d be helping him.”

“Really, Alice?” He said, rolling his eyes. “Would Emmett even do anything?”

“I don’t know,” I mumbled, my mind short of any advice.

*

“I’m not helping.”

Rosalie sat on the sofa, her feet propped on the coffee table, lazily flipping through the
channels. I walked over and grabbed the remote out of her hands, shutting off the TV.

“Rosalie, get up,” I whispered. “You’re going to start a fight. Is that what you want?”

“Yep.”

I rolled my eyes and grabbed her arm, trying to yank her off the sofa. She swatted my
arm away and stood up on her own, sighing.

“Fine. This is fucking stupid, though. You remember me saying this, right now- this is
fucking stupid. It’s gonna end bad.”

“Just… shut up,” I said, pushing open the door to Bella’s room. She was standing in
front of her closet, pulling things off of hangers.

“What can I do?” Rose asked her, not even attempting genuine enthusiasm.

“Umm… whatever’s in the bookshelf, can you just throw it in that box?” Bella pointed
at an empty cardboard box in the corner as Rosalie nodded. She haphazardly started
tossing the books into the box, catching Bella’s attention.

I tried to remedy the situation by running over to the box and putting the books in neat
piles, but Rosalie had already gotten Bella’s attention.

“Is something wrong?” She asked Rosalie, dropping an armful of clothes onto her bed.

“No.” Rosalie tossed another book into the box without looking and almost hit me in the
head. Bella frowned at me, but I just shrugged.

“Um… Rose? What’s going on?”

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Bella?” Rosalie stacked up whatever books were left
on the shelf and carried them over to the box. Bella stood there, silent.

“She’s just worried, Bella. You know…” I trailed off, waving my hand in the air like it
wasn’t a big deal.

“Rosalie,” Bella called her, patting the bed. Hesitantly, Rosalie climbed over the piles of
stuff on the floor and sat next to Bella. “I love my boyfriend. More than I can explain to
you. We’re open with each other, and we don’t have secrets, so moving in together
really isn’t going to change anything. Not for the worst, at least.”

I closed my eyes at the mention of them not having secrets, because it wasn’t true. But
Bella believed it to be true, so I kept quiet.

“I know you’re scared for me. And you know that I appreciate you caring so much. But
you just need to let me do what I have to do, and support me. Please.”

Rosalie looked around the room, clearly struggling in her head between what was right
and wrong. Finally she gave in and nodded.

“Okay. But, please Bella- don’t ever feel like you’re stuck there. If anything happens,
don’t feel ashamed to tell us. And you can always move back here if it doesn’t work
out, right Alice?”

I nodded and smiled at Bella, who’s mood had clearly deteriorated.

After packing all the boxes, we started bringing them down to the lobby. Bella had
borrowed Edward’s car, so we filled it up as much as we could, and Rosalie and I hailed
a cab.

“I’m gonna wait in the car with the boxes, in front of the building,” Bella told us.
“You’re probably gonna get there before me, so just go upstairs and get Edward.”

We nodded and got in the cab. As predicted, we pulled up to Edward’s building before
Bella did, so Rosalie and I went upstairs to get Edward.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Rosalie muttered in the elevator, mostly just speaking
her mind out loud. I shrugged and didn’t answer her, because in a way I felt the same
thing.

We knocked on Edward’s door and stood there, waiting. He came to the door and stuck
his head through, frowning at us.

“Oh, hey… you guys got here quick. Uh… hold on a minute.” He tried to close the door
on us but Rosalie sneered and pushed it open. Edward stood there, taken aback, before
turning around and retreating toward his bed. Rosalie was instantly suspicious, so she
followed him.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing- go wait over there,” he shouted, not turning around to look at her. I tried to
do damage control, so I scurried across the loft, following them. Edward was
rummaging through his dresser for something. I watched as he pulled out a zip-up
hoody and turned his back to Rose to put it on, but his attempt was in vain. She got a
clear view of the beginnings of track marks on his arm, gasping and covering her
mouth.

“What the fuck-”

“Shut up, Rose. Just shut the fuck up.” Edward cut her off and zipped the hoody up,
walking back to the kitchen.

“Does Emmett know about this?”

“No. And you aren’t going to tell him.”

“What about Bella?”

“No,” he said, his head sagging in shame. I felt sorry for him. Rose’s fists were
clenched, and she just looked at me, shaking her head.

“I told you, Alice. See what I mean?”

“Just mind your business. Both of you,” Edward said, his eyes darting from Rosalie’s to
mine. The tension temporarily lifted when Edward’s phone started vibrating on the
counter.

“Hey,” he said as he picked it up, looking down at the floor. “I’ll be right down.”

He hung up and dropped the phone back on the counter.

“She’s downstairs.”

Rosalie and I went through the motions of the move, helping as quickly as we could
without mentioning anything. Edward made it a point to keep throwing daggers at
Rosalie with his eyes, silently threatening her. We didn’t have to worry about Bella

noticing anything, because the second she was in contact with Edward, it was like
everyone else wasn’t even there. The whole thing just screamed trouble to me, but what
could I do now? More and more I was beginning to understand Rosalie’s point of view,
because Bella’s dependency on Edward was almost frightening to me. I was scared to
see what she’d be like if something was to happen to him.

When it was time for Rosalie and I to leave for the night, she took Bella into the
hallway to say goodbye to her. As soon as the door closed I looked at Edward and
shook my head.

“I don’t get involved… you know this. But aren’t you worried about her? Even a little?”

Edward stared at me, speechless. After awhile he looked down at the ground and
shrugged.

“She’s not worried. Why should I be?”

“In all fairness, she doesn’t know everything.”

“I’m going to tell her soon. And I’m going to get clean, and this will all be over with-”
He stopped talking when the door opened and Bella walked back in, smiling.

“Rosalie’s waiting by the elevator.”

“Okay,” I said, grabbing my purse and heading toward the door. “Bye, guys. I’ll see you
tomorrow, right Bella?”

She nodded and hugged me before I left.

Rosalie and I stood on the sidewalk, waiting for a cab. She was pacing back and forth,
trying to think up some kind of a solution.

“I should tell Emmett.”

“No,” I told her. “Don’t. Emmett almost didn’t propose to you because he was too
scared of what was going to happen to Edward if he wasn’t around. This is only going
to reiterate the fact that he was right. Let’s just… give him an Edward break for a little
while. Why don’t you talk to his parents?”

“Yeah, you’re right… okay, good idea, let’s go.” Rosalie hailed a cab and I stood there,
shaking my head.

“No. I meant you go. Not me.”

*

Somehow it was an hour later and I was sitting in the Cullen’s den with Esme and
Rosalie. Carlisle was working, but Rosalie insisted that it was better if he didn’t know
about anything. She never informed Esme of how Edward’s addiction had evolved, but
she implied that things were going downhill plenty of times.

“Do you think… them moving in together is a bad idea?” Esme looked at Rosalie, then
me, then Rosalie again. I stayed silent.

“I just think… Bella is kind of making think Edward that his lifestyle is okay. She’s
almost being… too supportive of him. Instead of making things better, it’s making
things worse. Way worse.”

I nodded, because Rosalie was completely right.

“I don’t know what I should do. He’s an adult, I can’t force him-”

“He’s your child,” I interrupted, angry. All I heard from these people was excuse after
excuse and no action. It was ridiculous. “He’s your son! And he needs help. Someone
needs to do something. And I know you’ve been dependant on Emmett, but he’s not
watching Edward anymore and now the responsibility is all on Bella, and it’s just… not
right. You and Carlisle have to do something.”

Esme sighed and looked down at the floor, her face full of guilt. “Alice, it’s much easier
said than done. We’ve always thought at the time that what we were doing for Edward
was best, and now we see that it wasn’t, but our hands are tied. It’s too late to try and fix
our mistakes.”

I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose.

“I’m sorry- I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but what exactly have you done? Ever?”

Rosalie kicked my chair, but I didn’t acknowledge her.

“Edward is a complicated person. He always has been. It isn’t that we haven’t tried-
we’ve tried everything. We’ve tried yelling. We’ve tried taking away his stuff. We’ve
tried forcing him to get help. We’ve tried begging and pleading with him. We’ve tried
just ignoring it. Any time we’ve made any attempt, he just gets angry and distant and…
worse. Lately we’ve run out of ideas. What’s left to do? Send him to jail? I can’t do
that. I love Edward… it’s just too late to go back and fix things now.”

“You’re right. So start new. Like, how about you keep in touch with Bella and help her
a little bit? Maybe be a little more involved in what’s going on in Edward’s life. Bella’s
mother is across the country, I’m sure she’d welcome some support from you. No one is
as close to Edward as she is.”

Esme thought about it and agreed. “Okay. I’ll talk to Bella.”

“And you should make sure Edward’s taking his medicine,” Rosalie added. “Pay closer
attention, because I doubt he is. And please, don’t tell Emmett we had this talk. After
the wedding is over, if things haven’t gotten any better, he can start getting involved
again.”

Esme nodded. “Okay. Thank you, girls, for coming over. I appreciate all the concern. I
know how hard this is on everyone.”

We left the Cullen’s house, both of us unsatisfied at the slight progress we’d made.
Esme was clearly defeated; none of her and Carlisle’s half assed attempts had ever done
any good. I knew the denial of Edward’s problems stemmed from the fact that they were
ashamed, embarrassed, stuck up socialites that cared more about their outward
appearance than trying to help their son. And yeah, maybe they’d tried over and over,
but they should’ve been trying harder instead of just giving up on him.

Over the next couple of weeks, Rosalie and I noticed Bella’s disposition become more
and more dreary. We both avoided confronting her, since the wedding was so close and
we were trying to avoid any tribulations. But it was clear she found out about how bad
Edward was doing, and it was clear things were getting much worse.

When we were together, she was never really there. She was always distracted, calling
Edward multiple times, clearly anxious but trying to conceal it. Bella had told Jasper
that after the wedding, Edward promised her he was going to go through detox, so we
were all just trying to wait it out.

It was far from surprising to me when the entire catastrophe happened.

The event that eventually led to it was Emmett finding out. We were all drinking at my
apartment, and when Edward and Bella were putting their coats on to leave, Edward slid
his arm into his coat too fast, causing the sleeve and the cuff of his shirt to ride up his
forearm. We all saw the look on Emmett’s face when he saw the bruises, but he said
nothing to Edward.

A few days before the wedding, Jasper and I were having dinner when we got a frantic
call from Rosalie.

“Alice?” She was in tears, gasping for breath. “Are you with Jasper?”

“Yeah, what’s wrong?” I put the phone on speaker and set it on the table.

“We need him… can you tell him to meet us at the Cullen’s house? Like, now.” Emmett
was yelling in the background, but I couldn’t make out what he said. “Shut up,
Emmett!”

“Rose, what happened?” Jasper asked, holding the phone up to his mouth.

“Just go there, now.” She hung up without another word. Jasper looked at me, his face
drained of all color.

“What do you think happened?” I asked him.

“I don’t know,” he muttered, grabbing his jacket and flying toward the door. I threw on
my shoes and ran after him. Instead of waiting for the elevator, he flew down the
stairwell, taking the steps two at a time. By the time I met him outside, he was already
sitting in a cab.

When we pulled up to the Cullen’s building, Jasper ran inside without even knocking on
the door. Carlisle’s voice was bellowing across the house, so I followed it. He was
standing in the kitchen, holding a towel up to Emmett’s lip.

I gasped when I saw how Emmett looked. Someone had beat him up, badly. He was
bloody, and bruises were already visible, and his face was swollen. Rosalie was crying,
and Emmett was arguing with Carlisle.

“I can’t believe you did this, Emmett! What are we going to do now?”

“Just go look for him!”

“No, you should go look for him- you did this!” Rosalie yelled from where she was
standing behind Carlisle. He turned around to face her and put his hands on her
shoulders.

“Rosalie, enough. Alice, why don’t you go take Rosalie into the den?”

I put my hand on her back and led her into the other room. I waited until she was sitting
down until I started questioning her. Emmett and Carlisle’s audible yelling could still be
heard coming from the kitchen.

“What the hell is going on?” I asked, trying to wipe the makeup off her face.

“Emmett’s such an idiot,” she said, shaking her head. “He lost it. And he was
completely in the wrong. I actually felt bad for Edward… he was just standing there, all
scared, and Emmett just kept pushing him and pushing him. He kept insulting him, and
yelling at him, and telling him he was gonna call the police, and then he tackled him to
the ground to try and see Edward’s arms, and Edward cracked. They were beating the
shit out of each other, and I was screaming, and they weren’t listening to me, and so I
squeezed in between the two of them because I knew Emmett wouldn’t hit me and it
would give Edward enough time to move away from Emmett. And Edward left… we
can’t find him. I’m scared for him.”

A few seconds later, Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle walked into the room, arguing about
what to do.

“Jasper- did someone call Bella?” I asked him. She was going to freak out once she
heard Edward was missing, and I thought it would be better if we were all with her.

“Yeah, I did, she’s with Esme. They on their way now.”

We all sat there, Rosalie and me silent while the three of them discussed finding
Edward and what they were going to do with him once they did. Jasper tried calling his
phone over and over, as if he’d actually pick up. About fifteen minutes later, Bella came
rushing into the room, freezing at the doorway and staring at us in horror. Everyone
turned their heads toward her and stared in silence.

BPOV

When we pulled up to their building, I ran inside. There were loud voices talking over
one another that could be heard coming from the den. When I appeared in the doorway,
out of breath, everyone just stopped talking, turned and stared at me. On the left side of
the room, Rosalie was the first one I saw. She had clearly been crying, black mascara
smudged under her eyes. Alice was latched onto her arm, rubbing her back. Carlisle was
sitting on an ottoman, his head in his hands, looking more unkempt then I'd ever seen
him. Jasper was in the middle of the room, trying to call someone on his phone to no
avail. And then, on the right side of the room, I saw Emmett.

"What the hell happened to you?" I asked, grabbing my chest and trying to breath.

His lip was cracked and swollen and he was holding a bloody towel up to it. His right
eye was puffy and a clear purple bruise was already forming. On his opposite cheek
there was a big red welt that had a small cut in the middle of it. His shirt was ripped at
the collar, revealing a bunch of deep, bloody scratches on his shoulder and chest.

"I was just trying to talk to him," Emmett explained. "He fucking flipped out."

I couldn't believe Edward had done that to him. I heard Rosalie's voice and my head
spun to her quickly.

"You were not trying to talk to him! More like you insulted him for two minutes before
you attacked him! What did you think he was gonna do? You wrestled him to the
ground and ripped his clothes off!"

Wait, Rosalie was defending Edward? Did I step into an alternate universe or
something?

"I'm fucking sick of everything! No one's doing shit, and she knew about this and was
hiding it-" Emmett pointed at me.

"Um, hold on. Jasper knew too!" I wasn't going to take all the balme.

Japser's eyes bugged out of his head as Emmett stood up and started walking toward
him. “So did Rosalie and Alice!” He shouted.

"No, no, no," Carlisle got up and stood in front of Jasper. "Enough of the blame game.
This is no one's fault."

Emmett was breathing heavy, but he went back to his spot on the sofa and shook his
head.

"You have no idea, Dad. His arms... I can't even think about it. I don't know how you
looked at that shit every day," he said, looking up at me. "It's fucking disgraceful."

If I wasn't completely flipping the fuck out, I would've given Emmett a bloody nose to
match the rest of his face. Instead I just looked at Carlisle, my eyes pleading.

"Where is he?" I asked. "Is he… okay? How..." Too much was going through my mind
for me to speak clearly.

"I don't know where the fuck he went," Emmett shouted, like he'd already said it more
times then he wanted.

"He's not in his right state of mind right now. You have to go look for him,” Rosalie
added.

"I'm coming."

Carlisle looked up at me and winced. "Bella, I think you should go home. Wait there, in
case he comes back-"

"No. I'm going. I can't just sit and wait. If you don't let me come I'll just go looking for
him on my own."

No one dared to challenge me. Carlisle sighed and pulled a set of keys from his pocket.

"Esme, stay here. Alice, take Rosalie home and help her clean up. Jasper, come on,
you're coming with us."

After Carlisle directed everyone, Jasper, Emmett and I followed him out to his
Mercedes that was parked in front of the building. I got into the back seat with Jasper,
Emmett riding shotgun to navigate.

"We'll go there first," Emmett said vaguely. We all knew what he meant. "Bella, call
your doorman. Ask him if Edward's been there and tell him to call you if he comes
home."

I did what he said. Not surprisingly, he hadn't been there. I hung up the phone, defeated.

Carlisle was stoic as he drove the car to the first place we hoped Edward might be, only
nodding his head every so often to acknowledge Emmett's directions. Jasper nervously
bobbed his knee up and down, contributing to my distress. Eventually the street got
darker and I realized we were getting close to the placed Rosalie had described to me
the first time she‘d told me about Edward’s addiction. It was exactly as she had
described; beat up buildings, shady people, and scary as all hell. Carlisle pulled up to
the alleyway and turned off the car. My heart was pounding out of my chest.

"Jasper, stay with Bella. The keys are in the ignition. If anyone comes over here, just
drive away."

Jasper nodded. Carlisle sighed and followed Emmett out of the car. I watched as their
silhouettes faded into the darkness of the alley.

"What happened?" I still had no idea what was going down so I asked Jasper.

"I know as much as you." He threw his arm around my shoulders and I rested my head
on his chest. It reminded me of Edward, it was a feeling that was both soothing and
scary, because I feared him not ever coming back and holding me like that again. "I
think the gist of it is that Edward went there angry... Because of something that
happened with you? I think that's what Emmett said. Anyway, they started yelling at

each other and Emmett told him he knew what Edward was doing and that he was done
trying to reason... Edward lied and said that it wasn't true, that he wasn't shooting up,
blah blah blah. And then Emmett flipped out and said to prove it to him or something
retarded, like that he was calling the police or some stupid shit like that. Edward tried to
leave, Emmett pushed him to the ground and ripped his jacket and his sweatshirt off... I
don't know. I think we all know better than to fuck with Edward like that. He flipped
out. They ended up beating the shit out of each other. Rosalie had to get in the middle to
get Emmett off him. Edward was out of his mind and he just fucking left. Rose called
us, and that's all I know."

I took in what Jasper said, but I was too spent to do anything except nod. We sat there in
silence for a couple minutes. I was a zombie. I didn’t even blink when I heard a
wrapping at the window. Jasper reached into the front seat and popped the lock for
Emmett and Carlisle. Emmett opened the door and slumped heavily in his seat,
punching the dashboard. Carlisle shook his head and started the car.

"Emmett, calm down. There's nothing we can do."

"What happened? Was he there?" I asked questions, not giving a shit about the palpable
tension in the car.

"He was there earlier," Carlisle responded.

"Yeah, and that stupid mother fucker in there-"

"Emmett." Carlisle cut him off. "Enough."

The silence returned.

"Where we going now?" Jasper asked hesitantly.

"Home," Carlisle answered.

"Why? There's still a bunch of places we can check. Maybe he's-"

"No," Emmett interrupted, his voice hollow. "He knew we'd be looking for him. He's
not gonna be anywhere we know."

Carlisle sighed. "There's no point in endangering anyone for no reason. We're just going
to wait."

"We can call the police," I suggested.

"Somehow I doubt looking for a runaway heroin junkie is at the top of their to-do list,"
Emmett said snidely.

"Emmett, stop. Bella, don't worry. It'll be okay."

Carlisle tried reassuring me, but somehow I doubted that everything would be okay.

"Carlisle, can you drop me off at home?" Jasper asked.

"Sure."

"Do you want to stay with us?" Jasper asked me. I nodded. He'd moved into my old
apartment with Alice and I knew if I was home, in Edward's apartment, all by myself
and freaking out it would be dangerous.

"Please call me if you find out anything at all," I asked Carlisle and Emmett as I got out
of the car. I didn’t honestly think they would, but it was worth the shot.

"Okay. Same goes for you." Carlisle gave me a sympathetic look before pulling away.

As soon as we got upstairs, I wasted no time flying into my old room and collapsing on
my bed. I started sobbing so uncontrollably I could barely breathe. Jasper definitely
heard me in the other room, but I didn't care. I was wallowing in self pity and guilt,
trying to go through the past couple of months events to see if there was anything I
could've done differently. I could've done so many things. I should've done so many
things. I didn’t. I was so worried that Edward would reject me because he would see me
as just another person that was at his back about his addiction, which he didn’t even see
as an addiction or something that he needed to address. My dependency on and my
obsession with Edward had caused me to act out with selfishness. I realized my lack of
action was because I was concerned about myself. What would I do if Edward hated me
for betraying him and threatening to leave our relationship? How would I feel if he
wasn't there? What would happen to me if he did get his life together and didn't want me
anymore? I handled everything completely wrong. My denial had eventually led to
neglecting Edward’s issues when I should‘ve been helping him, because I was so needy,
and so dependent on him. I didn’t want to be the one to have to force him to change. I
was so stupid.

"Bella?" Jasper walked into the room and placed a glass of water on the nightstand. "Do
you need anything?"

Between my sobs I heard the beeping of my phone, signaling the battery was low. I
needed my phone in case he called.

"Can you ask Alice to stop at my apartment and grab my phone charger? It’s plugged in
near the bed."

I'm sure he thought it was a trivial request, but he didn‘t say anything.

"Yeah. Do you want clothes or anything?"

"No, I don't care about that." I dropped my head back onto the pillow and kept crying.

"Here, take this." He handed me a little white pill and I took it without asking what it
was, desperate for any kind of release.

My memory of the rest of the night’s events were unclear. When I woke up in the
morning, I'd almost forgotten what had happened, and it took me a minute to figure out

why I wasn't in my own bed at Edward’s apartment. Everything came rushing back into
my mind and my chest tightened. My head was rested on Jasper's stomach and I felt
Alice on my other side, her hand clutching mine. I sat up slowly, my head feeling
heavy, trying not to wake them. The two of them had stayed up all night, trying to
comfort me and not leaving my side. Jasper was especially being supportive, but I think
it was because he felt almost as horrible as I did, so he understood.

I spotted my cellphone across the room, on the dresser. Someone had taken the liberty
of plugging it in, thank god. I was holding my breath, praying that there would be a
missed call or text or anything from Edward, but when I reached my phone there was
nothing but a text from my father, reminding me to meet him at the airport later.

I thought about everything that happened last night, Rosalie’s wedding and how
everything was falling apart.

The wedding was in four days. Four days.

The bride was ready to rip the groom’s head off,

the groom was beat to shit by the best man,

who was missing,

the maid of honor was mentally unstable,

and the rest of the wedding party was completely gob smacked.

We were all caught up in the same nightmare with no possibility of waking up any time
soon.

I hadn’t ever lived with a guy, much less a junkie, so the feelings that I felt at that
moment were new to me. I’d never felt more horrendous in my life. It’s an odd feeling,
when your significant other doesn’t come home and isn’t there when you wake up in the
morning. When I was younger, I let my cat outside one day and he never came back that
night. He wasn’t there in the morning when I opened the door, either. When we found
him on the side of the road, hit by a car, I wasn’t really surprised. I knew that something
had happened when he didn’t come back that first night. It was a ridiculous comparison,
but that was how I felt about Edward. I told myself the day before that I wouldn’t start
really worrying until morning, and it was morning.

I felt dread. I felt despair. But most of all, I felt resigned. I’d fought for what I thought
was right, and I lost. I was ready to give up.

I grabbed a blanket from the linen closet and laid down on the sofa in the living room to
let Jasper and Alice get more sleep. Eventually, they woke up. They offered me food.
The tried talking to me. Alice brushed my hair. They even called Esme and Carlisle to
see if they’d heard anything. Of course, they hadn’t.

I was catatonic. It was the effect of knowing that something had happened to Edward,
and that I was partly to blame. I didn’t talk. I didn’t move. I didn’t sleep. I just sat there

all day, staring into space, thinking about Edward. My Edward. His eyes. His hair. His
smell. His laugh. His generosity. They way he kissed me when he knew I was upset.
The way he looked at me when he thought no one was watching him. The way his lips
pouted when he was sleeping. The way his fingers felt against my skin. All of it. I tried
to remember every day that I’d spent with him, from that first time that I saw him, right
there in that living room, to yesterday, and the look in his eyes before he left our
apartment. I didn’t want to move, or breathe, or even think anymore until I knew he was
okay.

When it was late in the afternoon and the sun had already started going down, I heard
Jasper and Alice’s muffled arguing coming from the kitchen. I was too exhausted to
even try and listen to them. A couple minutes later, Alice came into the room and
kneeled next to me, water in hand. She gave me one of the pills that Jasper had the night
before. I’m pretty sure it was Xanax or something of the sort. I slid my hand out from
the blanket to take it and threw it in my mouth, swallowing it without drinking the
water.

“Um… Bella? You need to go meet your Dad at the airport.”

“I‘m not going anywhere,” I answered Alice, my voice empty.

“Okay.” She took a deep breath and stood up. “I’ll go. Jasper’s gonna stay here with
you. I have my phone, in case… you hear anything.” Without waiting for a response she
knew she wouldn’t get from me, Alice left the apartment. Jasper sat down on the floor,
leaning against the sofa near my head.

“Pick a color,” He said, holding up a deck of cards.

“I don’t want to play.”

“Okay… I guess you pick black.” He flipped the top card over onto the coffee table.
King of clubs. “Okay. I chose black too.” He flipped the next card. Ten of diamonds.

“You lost.”

Jasper turned toward me and raised an eyebrow. I guess he wasn’t expecting me to say
anything.

“Higher or lower?” He asked.

“Obviously lower.”

The next card he flipped was a two of clubs.

“Bella?”

“What?”

“I feel the same way you do. I want you to know that,” Jasper cleared his throat and
looked down at the cards in his hands. “I pick lower.”

Ace of spades.

“No one feels the way I do.” I gulped and picked my head up from the sofa. I hadn’t
moved it for almost 12 hours.

“He’s been my best friend since I was a little kid. If this is your fault, then it’s mine too.
I’ve watched this go on for years. I pushed the plunger on the needle the first time he
shot up, for fuck’s sake.” Jasper scratched at his head, clearly irritated with himself.

“I guess it’s everyone’s fault.” I flung my legs over the side of the sofa and lifted myself
up, using Jasper’s shoulders as support.

“Here, can you put these in the drawer if you’re going in the kitchen?” He handed me
the deck of cards as I yawned. Groggily, I made my way to the kitchen to make myself
coffee. I pulled open their junk drawer to put away the cards, but since my brain was
foggy I pulled it harder than necessary and the whole drawer came off the tracks. I
caught it before it fell to the ground, but I heard a clattering on the floor as something
fell out of it. I shoved the drawer back in and looked around for what had fallen.

In the corner of the kitchen, I spotted what it was. I walked over slowly and knelt down,
peering at the two dice on the floor. A two and a five. And then I lost it.

I remembered that day at the apartment, and how happy I was that Edward wanted to be
with me. I loved him immeasurably but our happiness was suffering in exchange for his
ongoing addiction. I become conscious at that moment of what I needed to do, and the
realization of the events that were soon to come were agonizing.

Jasper had to literally pick me up and carry me into the bedroom because I was
collapsed on the floor. Luckily for me, the Xanax or whatever started kicking in, and
because I hadn’t eaten since the morning the day before, what happened after that was
hazy for me. I know that Alice came in after she dropped off Charlie at his hotel, and
she told me that she’d lied and told him I was sick. Charlie didn’t know about Edward’s
problems and it was a discussion Alice didn’t want to take part in. Other then that, I had
no idea what went on that night.

The first time that I heard my phone beeping, signaling that I had a voicemail, I thought
I was dreaming. It woke me from my sleep, but when I looked at the clock it was past
three in the morning, and my phone was nowhere in sight. Then, as I was drifting back
to sleep, I felt the phone vibrating in the bed, the ringer muffled since it was somewhere
in the blankets. I felt around frantically, ripping apart the bed. When I threw the
comforter in the air, I heard a bang against the wall. I ran over and picked the phone up
from the floor.

1 Missed Call from some number I didn’t know.

1 Voicemail from that same number.

1 Missed Call from a blocked number.

I checked my voicemail first.

“Hi, Miss Swan… I don’t know if you still wanted to know, but Mr. Cullen just walked
by. He had bruises and cuts all over… he didn’t look good. But he’s upstairs. Sorry to
wake you.”

It was the doorman. I looked at the time the voicemail was from. 2:45. I still had time.
He could still be there.

I didn’t tell Alice or Jasper I was leaving. I grabbed my keys and my phone, threw on
Alice’s UGGs that were near the door, and ran outside. I’d neglected to put on a coat,
causing people on the sidewalk to stare at me. I had on pajama shorts and a t-shirt, and
it was the end of January, and I didn’t give a fuck. Edward was home.

I was shaking the entire ride back to the apartment. It was a mixture of excitement,
nervousness, and dread because I didn’t know what to expect when I got home, and I
wanted to yell and scream at him, hit him for doing this shit to me, and I wanted to kiss
him and hug him and tell him I loved him, and I was going to force him, starting
tonight, to get clean. I dashed through the lobby as soon as the cab pulled up, giving the
doorman a wave and thanking him.

The elevator couldn’t have possibly taken any longer. I tapped my fingernails against
the wall, trying to calm my trembling hands. I didn’t even let the elevator open all the
way before I tore down the hallway, trying to throw the door open as fast as I could.

It was locked.

That was strange. Edward rarely locked the door when he was home. My unsteady
hands struggled with the lock and when I finally got it, I heaved the door open, making
it slam against the wall inside.

“Edward!”

I shouted as loud as I could.

No answer.

The apartment was pitch black, so I turned on all the lights and looked around, figuring
he‘d probably fallen asleep. He wasn’t in the bed. He wasn’t on the sofa.

“Edward!”

I called his name again, even though I could see the entire apartment from where I was
standing. I ran over to the balcony, figuring he might’ve gone outside to have a
cigarette. No luck. It didn’t make sense. The doorman saw me run by him- wouldn’t he
have told me that Edward left again?

The feeling of desolation took over me all over again when I realized he wasn’t there
anymore. I took too long. I shouldn’t have slept, I should’ve sat up and waited for the
phone call. I felt sick. I headed toward the bathroom to splash cold water on my face,
because I was almost certain I was going to throw up.

I turned the knob and pressed my shoulder against the door. It didn’t budge. It was
locked.

I started banging on it as hard as I could, but it did nothing.

I kicked it.

Still nothing.

I remembered once when I was in the shower and I’d locked the door, but Edward got in
any way and afterwards he had shown me how he did it. I darted to the kitchen and
opened the drawer, throwing everything in it on the floor to find the stupid little metal
rod. It was crammed in the corner or the drawer. After running back to the bathroom
and shoving the rod into the lock of the door handle, I was finally able to open the door
and look in.

After that everything went black.

Rock bottom, a Breakup and a Wedding

BPOV

After my initial shock, I tried to think as quickly as I could.

I crouched down and put my head between my knees, waiting for my head to stop
spinning and my vision to come back.

The series of events that happened after that were a blur to me.

Edward’s lips were blue. His skin was drained of any color and he was hunched over on
the floor. His face was bruised and scratched, like the doorman had said.

By the time I had 911 on the phone, I’d already checked to see if he was breathing.

He wasn’t.

I touched his face and it was still warm.

I told that to the operator. She said that was a good sign.

She told me to check for a pulse. I pressed my fingers into his neck and told her I felt
one. She said I still had to breathe for him until the paramedics got there.

I put my phone on speaker as she walked me through CPR. Fucking CPR. Something I
thought I’d never have to do. How the hell did it get to this point?

I don’t know how long I was breathing for him. Although the operator told me to listen
for the door, I focused all my attention on Edward, remembering that I’d left it wide
open. When I heard the door to the stairwell open and shuffling footsteps in the hall, I
asked her if it was okay to stop doing CPR, and she said it was.

I ran to the main room and directed the paramedics to the crowded bathroom. I stood in
the doorway, and one of the EMTs, a woman, stood next to me and watched me,
sympathetically. I stared in silence as they bagged Edward, before they pulled out a
syringe and prepared it.

“Narcan,” the woman EMT told me. “It’ll wake him up.”

“Should we just give him one dose?” One of the paramedics working on him asked the
other one.

“No, just do .04 mg. He’s blue,” the other one said to him, trying to whisper the part
about him being blue. I still heard him.

I watched as they inspected Edward’s arms, trying to find a vein they could use.

His arms were so damaged they had to use one near his shoulder.

They kneeled there and waited.

The female EMT put her hand on my back.

It was only a couple minutes, but to me it felt like hours.

Edward’s eyes fluttered open slowly, and then they widened.

He swatted at the bag, and the one EMT pulled in from his mouth.

He coughed a couple times, and then I heard his voice.

“What happened?”

The paramedic explained to him that he was at his apartment, that I’d found him
unconscious in the bathroom, and that I’d told the 911 operator he’d overdosed.

“Can… can I sit up?” Edward asked quietly.

The paramedics nodded, and Edward slowly lifted himself and sat up on the floor, his
knees bent. He kept his eyes on the ground, and then he glanced up at me.

I met his eyes, and the look on his face was distraught. He couldn’t look at me. He
glanced back down at the floor and rubbed his eyes.

“We still need to take you to the hospital,” the EMT explained to him. “The heroin is
still in your body, so when the Narcan wears off you may stop breathing again. They
need to watch you.”

“Okay,” he said, not objecting.

I walked into the kitchen and called Carlisle. He was immediately nervous when he
picked up the phone, already knowing the reason why I was calling at four in the

morning. I explained to him everything that had happened and told him Edward seemed
to be okay. He thanked me and told me I did a good job. I asked the paramedics what
hospital they were taking him to, and I told Carlisle. He told me he would meet me
there. He said he was sorry for what had happened.

Edward put his coat on and walked out of the apartment with the paramedics. I was
surprised that he was cooperating as much as he was. I’d expected him to put up some
kind of a fight. I followed behind them, shutting the door behind me.

We walked downstairs and headed to the ambulance that was parked in front of the
building. There was another EMT waiting down there. The driver and one of the EMTs
that had worked on Edward got into the front, and the woman and the other EMT got in
the back with Edward and I.

The woman kept looking at me with pity. I didn’t deserve it. No one should’ve felt sorry
for me. This was partly my fault.

“How long have you been using heroin?” The woman suddenly asked Edward. He
shrugged and looked down at his feet.

“A couple years.”

“Have you overdosed before?” The male asked.

Edward nodded. “Yeah. Twice.”

“What happened to your face?” The woman asked him.

“I got into a fight with my brother.”

They weren’t writing anything down, and the things they asked him seemed to be more
out of curiosity than anything. It was probably odd to them. I imagined when they got
calls of people overdosing, they weren’t clean, rich, normal people.

“Was it because of the heroin?” She asked him.

Edward nodded.

“So what happened today?” The man asked.

“I don’t know. After I got in the fight with my brother… it was two days ago, I think…
I went off and just did it all day long, straight for the two days. I don’t even remember
what I did,” he said, furrowing his brow. “I have Biphasic Cycling Bipolar- I don’t
know if you even know what that is, but I’ve been fucked up lately. From the heroin.
Like, worse than usual. And… I wasn’t taking my medicine, and I had an episode, and I
don’t know what the fuck happened. I can’t remember.”

I sat there, stagnant, and just listened to Edward’s sob story. I was tired of hearing it
over and over. Bipolar. Heroin. Episodes. Medicine. Overdose.

I didn’t want to hear any of it anymore.

“Do you… do you want to stop using?” The woman EMT asked him.

Edward nodded.

“Maybe this will be your chance to do it.” The woman looked at me. “Your girlfriend
probably would be happy.”

“I know.” Edward looked at me, but he didn’t smile, and he didn’t make any attempt to
touch me, even though I was sitting right next to him. I don’t know what I would’ve
done if he did try.

“Have you… been tested? For you know, HIV? I mean, this could effect her too.”

Edward looked down at the ground and shook his head. “I’ve only been shooting up for
a month. I don’t share needles. I only do it when I’m at home, by myself. I never use
with other people.”

“This is sad,” the woman continued. “You have so much going for you. You’re so
handsome… your apartment is beautiful. You’re young, so I’m guessing that means
you’re fairly successful. You have a beautiful girlfriend who cares about you. You’re
very lucky.”

Edward just stared at the floor. “Thank you.” He took a deep breath and looked at the
other EMT. “I’m starting to feel kind of… tired. Really tired. Is that normal?”

“It’s the Narcan wearing off. We’re going to put you in a wheelchair when we get to the
hospital,” he answered.

“Okay.”

When we pulled up to the hospital the male EMT led me to the waiting room before
wheeling Edward in. He looked like he was struggling to stay awake.

I stood with him at the counter as the triage nurse filled out all of his paperwork and put
a bracelet on him. Another nurse walked over a little while later and wheeled Edward
into a treatment room. She helped him onto a gurney she shook her head.

“How old are you?” the nurse asked him.

“I’m 24.”

“Hmm,” she said, scribbling something down on a clipboard. “That’s not surprising.”

“Why not?” I asked her. “Are overdose victims usually his age?”

The nurse looked at me and smiled. “Yeah, sweetheart. We don’t get forty-year-old
heroin addicts in here. They’re all dead.”

Edward gave me a look and I squinted my eyes at the nurse. I made a mental note to go
out there and request a different one for him. She walked out and we both sat there in
silence, not talking to or looking at each other.

A little while later the doctor came in and started asking Edward questions. He told him
they were going to keep him there for a couple of hours to watch him. That, like the
paramedic said, sometimes when the Narcan wears off, people stop breathing again, and
they wanted to make sure that didn’t happen.

While the doctor was still in there talking to him, Carlisle and Esme ran in. Esme was
hysterical and ran up to Edward and hugged him.

“Mom, I’m fine.”

I looked at Carlisle, who was staring at Edward with guilt. I stood up from the only
chair in there, and let Esme sit in it.

“Come on, Bella. Let’s go get coffee,” Carlisle said to me.

I followed behind him into the brightly lit hallway. Suddenly I broke down and started
shaking and crying, because it was the first time through everything that night that I
could let my guard down and freak out. Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder and
walked me past the waiting room, where Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice all came
running over. Rosalie and Alice were crying; Emmett and Jasper looked stunned and
emotionless, like the entire situation had caught up with them as well, but they couldn’t
afford to indulge in a freak out.

“Is he okay?” Jasper asked me. I nodded, because that was all I could do. Alice and
Rosalie wrapped their arms around me, and Emmett just stood there.

I wanted to tell him something to make them all feel better. But I couldn’t talk. I just
cried.

“I’m going to take Bella to get coffee, we’ll be back,” Carlisle said, pulling me away
from them. He led me to a smaller, private waiting room and sat me down. A minute
later he returned, coffee in hand, and gave it to me.

“How are you doing?” He asked.

“Not well.” I took a sip of the coffee between my sobs. He patted my back and shook
his head.

“I’m sorry, Bella. I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“Me too,” I said.

I took another sip of the coffee and spoke the words out loud to Carlisle that I was
dreading.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I mumbled. “I’m breaking up with him. Today.”

Carlisle nodded at me and shrugged.

“If you feel like that’s what you have to do, Bella, do it.”

“Do you think that it’ll… matter to him? Do you think it’ll make him stop? Or will it
make him worse? Because if he’s alone, and I’m not there, and this happens again… I
don’t want him to die.”

“I don’t know what it’ll do,” Carlisle spoke softly. “If he’s going to continue to use, he
can’t be left alone. Until he gets clean, I think he’s going to have to move back home.
So don’t worry about him dying.”

I sighed and blinked a few times, trying to clear my eyes of the tears.

“Okay.”

“Everything isn’t about Edward, Bella. That’s what a relationship is about. There’s two
of you. I think he’s failed to acknowledge that fact. Since you’re always so quick to
bend to fit his needs, he’s almost taking advantage of you, and your kindness. He has a
lot of growing up to do. You staying around, catering to his every desire isn’t going to
fix him.”

“I know. I just feel like… I’m losing myself here. I’m too dependant on him, and he’s
the worst type of person to depend on. Right now, at least. Everything that I thought I
knew about myself has been wrong. Like, I thought I knew myself, but if you told me a
year ago I’d be in love with a bipolar heroin junkie I would’ve laughed. Now look at
me.”

Carlisle raised his eyebrows and nodded.

“I just… I love him so much, and I always thought that love was enough to get you
through. That if you loved someone as much as you could, no matter what, you could
get through anything together. I can’t go through this with him anymore. Love just isn’t
enough.”

“Maybe, maybe not. You and Edward need to figure that out for yourselves.”

I sat in the waiting room with Carlisle and cried. I don’t know why. For some reason I
felt like he understood how I felt. We were in there for around an hour when Emmett
came looking for him.

“Dad, the doctor wants to talk to you,” Emmett said.

Carlisle stood up from his seat and looked at me. “Are you alright?”

I nodded.

When Carlisle left the room Emmett stayed standing at the door.

“Uh, Bella… Edward wants to know where you went.”

I took a deep breath and got up.

“I’m gonna go talk to him now.”

I walked down the hall in a daze with Emmett, and stepped into Edward’s room.
Rosalie, Jasper and Alice were standing at the sides of the bed, talking about something.
They all looked up and stared as I walked in.

“Do you guys think I can talk to him for a minute?”

“Sure,” Jasper said. The four of them left the room and closed the door behind them.

I sat in the chair again, because I felt like if I was any closer to him my decision
would’ve been swayed. I could barely look at him.

“Where were you?” He asked me.

“In the waiting room.”

“Why?”

“I was talking to your dad.”

I sighed and looked down at the floor, tapping my foot against the tile.

“Okay… I know right now isn’t the best time to do this. And I’m sorry, but if I don’t do
this now, I don’t know if I’ll be able to.”

I looked up at Edward, and his face was full of anxiety.

“What?”

“I’m moving back in with Alice. I don’t want to be with you anymore. After the
wedding, I don’t want to see you. I can’t do this anymore, and… I’m sorry.”

Edward’s breathing got heavy and he sneered at me.

“What happened to ‘I’ll never leave you’ and ‘You don’t have to worry about me, I’m
here to stay.’ Huh?”

He gripped the railing of the bed so hard, his knuckles were white.

“I thought I could do it, but I can’t. I didn’t realize it would get this bad. I guess I’m not
as strong as I thought.”

“You tell me you love me all the time. That you want to be with me forever. And then
shit gets hard and you run. I don’t know why I believed you.”

“I do love you. That’s why I’m doing this. For you.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“It’s true,” I said, standing up. I stood next to the bed near his head and ran my fingers
through his hair. “Edward… I love myself too. I’ve put you first since I met you, above
everyone, even above myself, and look at where it got me. I’m miserable. I’ve been a
miserable, nervous wreck for weeks. You almost died tonight. I can’t do this. I’m sorry,
I love you, more than anything in the world, but I’m leaving you.”

“Fine. Bye.”

He slapped my hand away from his hair and my heart sank.

Walking out of that room, away from Edward was the hardest thing I’d had to do in my
life thus far. I met everyone in the waiting room, and tried to put on my bravest face.
Carlisle had finished talking to the doctor and was sitting in a chair next to Emmett.

“I’m done,” I said, looking at my feet. I didn’t sit down. “You can go back in there if
you want.”

“Did you… talk to him?” Carlisle asked me. I nodded.

“Yeah. He didn’t take it well. I didn’t expect him to, but… I have to do this.” I sniffled
and looked at Alice. “I’m leaving… can you come with me?”

“Sure,” Alice said, standing up.

I said goodbye to everyone and walked back through the sliding glass doors with Alice
in tow. We got into a cab and I gave the driver Edward’s address.

“I’m going to stay with you until I figure out what I’m doing,” I told Alice.

She nodded. “Of course, Bella. You can stay as long as you want. Move back in.”

“I don’t know. I might go back to Forks… I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing
right now. I don’t want to think about it.” I glanced out the window at the buildings
whizzing by. “I just have to pick some stuff up from the apartment. My dress for the
wedding is there, and I need clothes and stuff. I don’t want to have to run into him
tomorrow or something.”

“I know,” Alice said, rubbing my arm.

I gulped and leaned my head back on the seat.

*

EPOV

“How you feeling?” I asked Emmett, patting him on the back. He sighed and gave me a
nonchalant shrug.

“I’m good.”

“How does he look?” Alice asked me, standing up from where she was kneeling
between Emmett’s legs and taking a step back.

I nodded and pointed at the mirror so Emmett could see himself.

“Wow,” he said, touching his face.

Alice slapped his hand away. “Don’t touch it!”

“It’s almost like my psychotic brother didn’t beat the shit out of me a few days before
my wedding,” he said, chuckling.

“You started it,” I muttered, sitting down in an empty chair. Alice took a deep breath
and kneeled in front of me.

“Your turn,” she said, patting at my face with some powdery shit. I sat there, silent, as
she tried covering up the evidence of the past week’s madness.

“Where is she?” I asked Alice, looking right into her eyes. She stared at me for a second
and cleared her throat, looking down at the makeup in her hand.

“She’s at the church with Rosalie.”

“Did you see her yet?”

Alice blinked a couple times and nodded.

“How does she look?”

“Edward- I don’t really think… I don’t feel comfortable talking about her to you. She
doesn’t want me to.”

I rolled my eyes and saw Emmett watching us in my peripheral vision.

“What?” I asked him.

“Edward… please don’t make a scene today,” he asked, shaking his head.

“Shut up, I’m not going to.”

Truth is, I felt too hollow to show any kind of emotions. I felt completely empty. I’d
spent the past month being more fucked up than I ever had been in my life, and after all
the shit Bella did for me, I kept pushing. And pushing. And now she was gone, and
there was nothing I could do.

I felt dead inside.

I wanted to die. I wanted to give up on everything. I saw no point in my life anymore if
she wasn’t a part of it. Yeah, maybe I was being melodramatic, but it’s how I felt. There
was no other way of explaining. I was a walking zombie.

Alice moved closer to my face again and was rubbing her finger gently over the bruise
on my cheek. I winced a little because it still hurt, badly. My entire body was in pain
from all the shit I had done to it the past couple days.

Carlisle walked into the bathroom, fully dressed, and looked at us.

“Are you almost ready to go?” He asked.

“Yep!” Alice hopped up from the ground and stood next to Carlisle. “Don’t they look
good.”

He nodded. “Great. Good job, Alice. I’m impressed. Get dressed, you two.”

“Bye guys, I’m gonna go to the church.” Alice pecked Jasper on the lips quickly and
waved to us.

I sighed and stood up before unzippering the garment bag that held my tux.

“So,” I said, taking the pants off the hanger. “How is she?”

I spun around and looked at Jasper. He was already dressed and ready to go, so he was
just sitting on the toilet, fiddling with his cufflink.

“She’s a fucking mess, Edward. What the hell do you think?”

“I didn’t break up with her,” I said, stepping into my pants.

“Right. You only left her for two days straight without telling her where you were
going, and went on a drug binge, and she found you five minutes away from being dead.
No big deal.”

“Yeah, I could do without the sarcasm.”

“And I could’ve done without Bella crying for the past four days straight while I gave
her Xanax every four hours.” He stood up from the toilet and put his jacket on. “No
offense Edward, but I don’t think you really care how she is.”

I wanted to punch him in the face, but he was right. I’d been so fucking selfish I hadn’t
thought about her at all.

As I pulled off my shirt, Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper all stared at my arms. The bruises
and cuts and fucking scabs were worse then ever, so I expected it. I rolled my eyes and
stood there, waiting for someone to say something.

“What? Go ahead, say whatever you want.”

Silence.

“Put a shirt on, it’s making me fucking sick.”

Emmett broke the silence. Carlisle just shook his head and looked down at the floor. I
shrugged into my shirt and finished getting dressed, feeling like a shithead for making
everyone be in such a pissy mood on a day that was supposed to be all about love and
happiness and blah fucking blah.

We all lined up at the door, waiting to leave. There was a black towncar sitting in front
of the house, waiting for us. Esme and Jasper walked out first, and I tried to follow, but
Carlisle grabbed my shoulder.

“Hold on.” He leaned against the front door, closing it, and Emmett stood behind me.

“What,” I sighed, waiting for a speech or something. Instead, Emmett grabbed my
wrists and held my arms behind my back as Carlisle searched all my pockets. “Get the
fuck off me!”

“Not tonight, Edward. You can do without it for one night,” Carlisle said to me, placing
the contents of my pockets on the table in the entranceway.

He confiscated the two syringes and the heroin, handing me back my cigarettes, my
wallet, and my phone.

Instead of throwing a shit fit, I reminded myself that it was Emmett’s day and I took a
deep breath, smoothing out my tux as I walked out of the house.

When we arrived at the church, we still had awhile to go before the ceremony started.
Esme was running around talking to people and checking to see that all the flowers and
decorations and whatever the fuck else was set up right. Jasper and I talked to the
photographer for a couple minutes, since he was someone I knew. They’d asked me to
take pictures, but I refused, so I recommended someone I knew was good.

I saw Alice run out of Rosalie’s dressing room a couple of times to talk to Esme and
Jasper. I even went into the room and talked to Rosalie for a couple minutes, but Bella
was nowhere around. I started to get more and more anxious as it got closer and closer
to starting.

The first glimpse I got of her was when we were lining up to start. I was already waiting
at the end of the aisle, and Alice and Jasper were standing behind me. Just before the
music started, she scurried over and stood next to me, hooking her arm though mine
without saying anything.

“Hi,” I whispered to her. “You look beautiful.”

She did. Her hair was pulled back, and the dress was a light green color that looked so
good against her skin. I’d never seen her so dressed up before.

Bella glared at me. “Thanks,” she said, with no emotion.

The music started and we retreated down the aisle. I didn’t want to let go of her when
we reached the altar. We split and stood on either side. I stared at her the entire time,
and she didn’t look at me once.

The ceremony was fairly quick. Emmett and Rosalie chose to keep it traditional, and
didn’t write any personal vows or anything like that. It was still pretty emotional. When
they kissed, I saw Bella smiling and she wiped a tear from under her eye. She still
hadn’t even glanced in my direction. We walked back down the aisle, arm in arm again,
and followed Emmett and Rosalie out to the front of the church. Everyone stood in the
lobby, talking and greeting each other, and Bella slipped away from me to go stand with
her father. Alice had pointed him out to me when he first got to the church.

She left him standing with Rosalie’s parents, and as soon as she was alone I cornered
her and forced her to talk to me.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked her. She back up so she was against the stone wall
and looked down at her feet.

“Edward, not now please,” she pleaded, not looking up.

“Bella, you’re killing me here. Please talk to me.”

“You’re killing me too,” she whispered, finally meeting my eyes.

She looked the same way I felt. Defeated. Beaten. Desolate.

Except it wasn’t her fault. She didn’t do anything to deserve to feel that way.

“I’m sorry, Bella. I’m so sorry. Please don’t do this. Please come back home. I need
you.”

She stared at me, impassive.

“I can’t do this here,” she said, gulping. “I made my mind up, Edward. That’s it. I’ve
given you chance after chance and I’m not going to stick around, waiting for you to kill
yourself. If I’m as important to you as you claim, you would’ve done something about
this. You’ve done nothing, except get worse. I can’t help but feel responsible. I can’t be
with you anymore.”

“Bella, I’m begging you. I’ll change, I will. Just give me one more chance. I love you-”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “No. No more chances.”

She looked around as the crowd slowly filed outside.

“I have to go,” she muttered. She slipped by me and flew outside, out of my view.

*

BPOV

The reception was torture.

Seeing Edward there, all miserable and sullen, and not being able to do anything about
it was agonizing. I wanted to go up to him, and hug him and kiss him, and tell him how
much I loved him, and how even though we were broken up, I was still with him, still
thinking about him all the time. No matter what happened, even if we never got back
together and lost communication, Edward was always going to take up a huge part of
my heart. I wanted to tell him that. But, I couldn’t. Even though it seemed like what I
was doing was damaging him, the fact that he was begging me to come back only made
me realize that I’d made the right decision. He wanted me back. He wanted me with
him. If he meant it as much as I thought he did, he would do what needed to be done in
order to be with me.

It was odd how the happiest moments of my life and the most horrible moments had
been with the same person. But, I guess the reason why was because of how much I
loved him. The good days seemed miraculous with him, and the bad days seemed
horrendous. Only someone that you felt unspeakably strong for could have such control
over your emotions.

After the confrontation at the church, I’d tried avoiding him as much as I could. My
wall was crumbling, and I didn’t want to give in. I tried my best to be happy, and I gave
my speech, and Edward gave his, and thankfully everyone was having a great time and
not worrying about us. For once.

We lined up along the dance floor for another one of Emmett and Rosalie’s dances. The
music started, and the lights dimmed, and I watched them intently, both extremely
content that my friends were so happy together, and envious, because my relationship
had shattered, and I was alone. And I didn’t want to be.

After the first verse of the song, other couples started streaming onto the floor. I felt a
hand on the small of my back, and I heard his voice in my ear.

“Come on,” Edward said, walking ahead of me onto the dance floor.

I gave in. The wedding was almost over, I’d done a fairly good job avoiding him up to
this point, and I didn’t know when the next time would be that I’d see him again.

I sighed and put my hand on his shoulder, and he pressed his hand into my back, and we
grabbed onto each other’s free hand, entwining our fingers together. It was strange how
I felt instantly calm being with him. I missed him so much. Right then, he was so close
to me, and he looked so beautiful, and I could smell him all around me. I felt like I
belonged there with him. It felt like I was home.

“Your face looks better,” I said, staring into his eyes. The bruises were invisible in the
dim lights.

“Alice put makeup on me,” he said, smirking.

I nodded and moved closer to him, running my eyes along the contours of his face,
taking him all in. I wanted to remember that moment, in case it was the last time I saw
him.

I’d drank a lot, and I started to get emotional. I felt tears welling up in my eyes, and
Edward’s expression changed, but we kept moving, not breaking away from each other.

“Why are you crying?” He asked me, softly.

“Because… I miss you,” I mumbled, sniffling lightly.

“Things don’t have to be this way,” he said. “You’re choosing this.”

“They do have to be this way,” I retorted. He moved both of our hands to my face and
he wiped away my tears with his thumb.

“What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t want you to do anything. You have to want to change.”

“I do want to, Bella. It’s just… so hard.”

“Life is hard, Edward. For some people it’s harder than others,” I spoke the words so
quietly it was almost a whisper. “You know what you need to do. You do it, and I’ll be
there. No questions.”

He gulped and nodded at me.

“Will you do it?”

“Yes,” he said, not hesitating.

“When?”

“I don’t know. Soon. My parents are making me stay with them until I’m clean, so
soon.”

I felt relieved that Carlisle had actually stood by his words and was watching over
Edward.

“What’s going to happen to the apartment?”

Edward shrugged. “It’s still there. I’m still paying for it. You can stay there if you want
to… I’m not there, so…” He trailed off.

“That’s okay,” I said, trying to force a smile through my tears.

Even though living with Alice and Jasper wasn’t ideal, living in his apartment without
him wasn’t an option. It was his. Everything would remind me of him, every day, and I
wouldn’t be able to live my life as I normally would. I’d be too depressed.

“Please promise me that you’ll follow through this time, Edward. Please. I love you, so
much… every day without you is a struggle. Every second without you is a struggle. I
need to know that we have a future. I need something to look forward to, to get me
through this.”

“I promise you,” he said, looking into my eyes. “I mean it this time.”

I could hear that the song was close to ending.

I didn’t want it to be over.

I didn’t want to let go of Edward.

But I had to.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” I choked out between my sobs. He nodded as I let go of his
hand.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed, pressing myself into him as hard as I
could. I cried into his shoulder for a minute before I pulled away and grabbed the sides
of his face, kissing his lips gently before walking off the floor and leaving him standing
there.

Separation

BPOV

I tried, in vain, to wipe the tears off my cheeks as I heard a light rapping on the
bathroom door.

“Bella? Are you alright?”

Alice’s voice was low and groggy. I felt instantly guilty, knowing all my sobbing
must’ve woken her up.

“Yeah. You can come in,” I choked out, scooting back from the floor in front of the
toilet to lean my head against the wall. Alice walked in and leaned her back against the
wall, closing it behind her and kneeling down in front of me.

“Are you sick?”

“No,” I lied, closing my eyes to shield myself from her concerned glare.

“Um… why were you throwing up?”

“I don’t know,” I lied again, not opening my eyes.

I felt embarrassed telling her that I missed Edward so much it was literally making me
sick to my stomach. It seemed slightly dramatic, and I didn’t feel like having to justify
why I was so distraught.

It had already been a week, and there was still no word from him, so I was convinced
that my leaving the relationship was pointless. Edward wasn’t changing, and it seemed
like my absence had no effect at all. It was distressing, because he seemed like it was
really bothering him at the wedding, and I was almost convinced that this time things
would be different.

They weren’t.

The realization that Edward wasn’t phased enough by my leaving to do anything about
kicking his habits and getting his life in order left me no other choice but to get over
him. I’d done all I could, and I left it in his hands, and I wasn’t going to wait around
forever, no matter how fanatically in love with him I was. It was over.

“I know you probably don’t want to hear this right now, but I think that today maybe we
should go and get the rest of your stuff from his apartment,” Alice said, cringing.

She knew how much I was avoiding going back there, but the truth was, the longer I
waited, the harder it was going to be for me. I needed to restart my life without Edward,
instead of crossing my fingers and waiting for the day he came back clean and sober,
since I was now convinced that day was never going to come.

“Yeah, we’ll go today,” I agreed, wiping the remaining tears off my face with the sleeve
of my shirt.

I hadn’t told Alice yet, but I decided that if Edward wasn’t going to do anything to get
his shit together, I was going back to Forks to live with my dad. Living in the city was
just a constant, never ending reminder of Edward.

“Has um… Jasper talked to him?”

Alice opened her mouth to talk, but stopped, pressing her lips together and nodding.

“And…?” I asked.

“He’s staying with his parents, so he won’t be at the apartment.”

That wasn’t what was I was asking about at all, and Alice knew that, but I didn’t push
it. I knew that if Alice had any good news, she would have shared it.

I composed myself enough to stand up and walk over to the sink to brush my teeth.
Alice closed the lid of the toilet and sat on it, watching me sympathetically.

“Why do you think he hasn’t called?”

“I don’t know, Bella.”

“I mean… I don’t get it? If Edward gave me an ultimatum, I wouldn’t care what the hell
it was that he was asking me to give up. I’d live in a box with him if that’s what he
wanted. Wouldn’t you do that too, for Jasper?”

Alice flashed a smile at me and nodded.

“Yes. I would. But again, I’ll say the same thing- you’re being too logical about this.
He’s a drug addict. He’s not thinking the same way we are.”

“Whatever,” I muttered exasperatedly, shoving my toothbrush back into the cabinet.
“This ‘love’ everyone always talks about isn’t as miraculous as they say.”

“Yes it is,” Alice said with a giggle. “Are you kidding me? I’ve never seen two people
who love each other as much as you and Edward do. Even with everything that’s
happened, when you’re together it’s like… I don’t know, I can’t even describe it. It’s
almost sickening. He’ll come around, Bella.”

“I can’t wait forever,” I mumbled, splashing water onto my tear-streaked face.

“It’s only been a week.”

“It takes what… two or three days to detox? That’s all I want him to do. I get that it’s
not the detox that’s hard, it’s what happens after, blah blah, but give me a fucking
break. He’s not taking any initiative. All I want is that one little bit of effort from him. If
he hasn’t done it already… I doubt he will.”

“It’s not just a little bit of effort. You’re belittling it because you’re upset.”

I rolled my eyes at Alice and shook my head. “It’s gone on too long. I’m past feeling
sorry.”

“He’s suffering too, you know,” Alice said, trying to reason with me. “I didn’t want to
worry you, but Jasper said he’s taking everything really hard.”

My heart dropped.

I knew Jasper had seen him, but it took all my self control to not interrogate him and ask
him every single thing that I could about Edward. I felt sorry for the people like Jasper
and Alice and Rosalie who’d gotten stuck in the middle of everything.

“Good,” I answered her, my voice full of spite. It was the only thing I could think to
say. We both stood there in silence as I drummed my fingers on the sink, dreading the
day ahead of me.

“Let’s just… go do this,” I told Alice. She nodded and gave me a merciful glance before
following me out of the bathroom.

*

“Bella, you’re shaking,” Alice said, noticing the keys jingling in my hand. I rolled my
eyes and dropped my empty duffle bag onto the floor in front of Edward’s door.

“I know. I feel like something traumatic happens every time I open this door,” I told
her, shoving the key into the lock using both my hands.

“Hopefully not today…” She mumbled under her breath. I turned around and shot her a
look before pushing the door open.

The smell of the apartment instantly put a damper on my already sour mood. It smelled
like him. I took a deep breath and marched toward the closet, leaving Alice standing in
the kitchen.

“It’s kind of messy in here,” Alice shouted. I stuck my head out of the closet and looked
around. The bed was unmade. Some of the curtains were left open. There were random
pieces of Edward’s clothes strewn across the apartment.

I shrugged and went back to removing whatever clothes were left hanging in the closet.
The night Edward was in the hospital, Alice had insisted on clearing out as much of my
stuff as we could fit in the cab.

“It’s never like this,” I shouted back to her.

A couple minutes later I heard her footsteps approaching. I was crouched on the floor,
trying to zipper the overstuffed duffle bag.

“What’s this?” Alice asked me, taking a bite of a granola bar. She handed me a piece of
paper. “It was on the fridge.”

I glanced down at the paper in my hand quickly before shoving it back at her. It was the
hotel reservation Edward had surprised me with.

“Edward… for Christmas got it for me. We were supposed to stay there.”

I thought back to the day I got back from Arizona and my chest tightened. It was the
first day everything started going drastically downhill.

“Uh, it’s next month so if things don’t work out with you two can I-”

“No,” I interrupted her, still struggling with the zipper. I cut her off because I didn’t
want to even think about a future without Edward, much less talk about one without
him.

“Okay,” Alice mouthed, giving me a strange look. She got bored of watching me trying
to close up the bag, and eventually shoved me away from it. “For Christ’s sake, Bella,
just move!” Alice stepped down on the top of the duffle bag and had it zippered without
much struggle.

“Thanks,” I said, walking past her.

I started cleaning, skimming over everything in the apartment to make sure I didn’t
forget anything. Alice continued filling suitcases up with my clothes, insisting she do it
on her own. I walked around in a bit of a daze, making the bed and picking up the
laundry that was scattered around. Luckily Alice retrieved all my stuff from the
bathroom, since I was still hesitant about going in there. It seemed kind of pointless to

clean, since I was moving out and Edward was living with his parents, but for some
reason I felt weird leaving it messy.

“Bella,” Alice shouted, calling me toward the living room. She was standing near an
end table, holding a picture frame in her hand. “Can we take this?”

I took the picture from her hand and looked at it. It was a picture of Alice, Rose and me
that Edward had taken a few weeks earlier.

“Yeah, whatever.” I tossed it on top of a suitcase that was lying open on the floor.

“Here, take this one too.”

She added a picture of me and Edward to the pile. I didn’t want any more reminders of
him than I already had, but I didn’t argue with her.

“Okay, I don’t see anything else. Do you want to take one more look around?” Alice
zippered the last suitcase shut and lugged it toward the door.

I walked over to the dresser and searched through the drawers one last time. It was
mostly empty, since Edward had clearly taken most of his stuff with him to his parents’
house. When I pulled open the bottom drawer, I spotted a shirt of his that he’d left
behind. I pulled it out and held it up, his smell filling the area around me. I tried as hard
as I could, but my eyes filled up with tears and I broke down. Again.

Alice walked over to me and kneeled down, rubbing my back.

“Bella, come on. It’s gonna be okay.”

“No, it’s n-n-not,” I stammered, sobbing into the shirt. “I feel like I’m d-d-dying. Is it
possible to die from depression?”

“No. Not unless you plan on killing yourself. Please don’t, because one person on
suicide watch is already enough trouble.”

“Suicide w-w-watch?”

Alice giggled. “Sorry. It was a joke. More like OD watch.”

“Not funny,” I said, sniffling. “Is he really that bad?”

“I don’t know,” she said softly.

I looked over at Alice and sighed, sticking the shirt back in the drawer.

“Just take it,” She murmured.

I looked down at the sad remnant of the Edward that I knew and clenched the shirt
between my fists, finally succumbing and throwing it on. I put my jacket on over it and

stalked toward the door. When I walked by the kitchen counter, something caught my
eye and I stopped.

I scribbled something on a notepad and stuck it to the refrigerator with a magnet.

“Let’s just go,” I told her, picking up as many suitcases as I could and making my way
toward the hallway.

*

When we got back to Alice’s apartment, I had no motivation to unpack everything, so I
left all the suitcases piled in a corner in my room and dropped onto the bed. Alice came
in a couple minutes later and silently laid down next to me, handing me a cup of tea.

“Thanks,” I said, taking a sip. I was happy for the momentary distraction. At that point,
anything that kept me from tears was welcome.

“Bella… I know you’re upset, but you’re doing a really good job. I didn’t think you’d
stick this whole thing out. Especially when I saw how upset he was at the wedding, I
thought you’d go back. I really think this is for the better.”

I nodded, sipping my tea and not saying anything. Alice’s words were reassuring, but
when it came to Edward, who knew what was for the better and what wasn’t? No one
had any clue. That was why things were as bad as they were.

Suddenly, I felt my phone vibrating on my lap. I placed my mug on the nightstand and
picked it up, not looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Bella! I was getting worried about you,” Renee said, sounding relieved.

“I’m fine,” I told her, not adding in any unnecessary enthusiasm.

“You know, your father called me when he got back and told me that I needed talk to
you. That you didn’t seem right. Is everything okay?”

“Not really,” I said, explaining everything that had happened in the past few weeks to
Renee in full detail. She listened intently, not judging or criticizing my choices or
Edward.

“Well, Bella,” She said when I finally stopped talking. “It doesn’t sound good.”

“I know. I’m thinking about moving back home with dad.”

Alice gasped at my words, but I held my hand up, silencing her.

“I just want you to do what you think is best for you. People can’t help who they fall in
love with.”

“I know,” I agreed. “I have to go mom, but don’t worry about me. I’m not planning on
swallowing any razorblades or anything. Not yet, at least.”

“That’s reassuring, Bella. Please call me if you make any drastic plans.”

“I will,” I assured Renee, trying to rush her off the phone. “Bye, Mom.”

I sighed and laid back down on my pillow, waiting for the outburst from Alice.

“You’re moving back home? Because of him?”

“What am I supposed to do?” I asked, holding my hand to my forehead. “I can’t stay
here. I met Edward the day that I moved here. I don‘t have a life here without him. It
just doesn‘t… feel right.”

Alice stayed silent, her eyes shooting back and forth across the room.

“Maybe he’ll come around,” I said, meekly. “Hopefully it won’t have to come to me
moving.”

Alice nodded and smiled at me, but I could tell it was forced.

*

EPOV

I laid in bed staring straight ahead, my eyes following the slithers of light that streamed
through the blinds onto the ceiling. I didn’t know what day it was. What time it was. I
didn’t know who was in the house. I didn’t know when was the last time I’d eaten, or
showered, or slept. I just laid there, basking in my fucking despair and my mistakes and
my lack of action.

I tried not to think about Bella.

I let her down. She was sitting there, waiting for me to get better, and I hadn’t fucking
done anything. I should’ve done something. I should’ve done what she wanted that first
day, instead of being so scared and stupid and fucked up and controlled by the god
damn drugs. As time went on, I’d fallen more and more into my daze and I lost touch
with reality. All I wanted to do was lay there forever and wait to die.

I heard a knock at my door, but I didn’t get up to answer it, or even tilt my head in the
direction of the door. Even when I heard someone walk in and sit next to my bed, I
didn’t move.

“Mom said to give this to you,” Emmett said, handing me a pill and a bottle of water. I
sat up for a second and swallowed it down without a fight before lying back down.
Esme thought this depression I was in was a result of the Bipolar, so she was trying to
make sure I kept taking the medicine. It didn’t matter. Medicine or not, I still felt dead
and I still didn’t have Bella.

Emmett didn’t leave.

“You look like shit.”

I ignored him.

“When’d you get back?” I asked him halfheartedly. I was too glum to even fake like I
cared how his honeymoon went.

“A couple days ago. Uh… no offense, but when was the last time you showered?”

“I don’t know,” I answered, not caring.

“Bro, you don’t look good.”

“Maybe that’s because I’m not good.”

“When was the last time you ate?”

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

“Your bones are sticking out. You’re gonna die if you don’t start eating.”

“Good.”

“Can you sit up and talk to me? Fuck, you’re laying there like a corpse or something.
Just get up.” I winced at Emmett’s loud voice and sighed, sitting up and leaning my
head against the headboard.

Emmett was shaking his head and trying to turn my cell phone on. That thing hadn’t
been charged in days. I looked at his hands and caught a glimpse of his ring. He
followed my eyes and looked down at his hands, and then back up at me.

“What?”

“What’s it like being married?”

He shrugged and scratched his head. “It’s good. So far. I don’t really know, it’s only
been three weeks and two of those were our honeymoon. When was the last time you
left this room?”

I ignored him and continued with my train of thought. “You think you did the right
thing?”

“Getting married?” I nodded. “Yeah. Hell yeah. I won’t ever have feelings for anyone
else the way I do for her. Why wait? I’m 25, I make more than enough money to
support her and even kids if she wants them- I mean, I could go into all the shit you
don‘t want to hear about, but really, we’re happy, and it may seem stupid to you, but we
love each other. We want to be together forever. That’s all that matters.”

I gulped and nodded my head, not moving my eyes from the ring.

“Do you think… I’ll ever be normal, like that?”

Emmett frowned at me, and smiled at the same time.

“Yeah, Edward. If you want to be.”

I closed my eyes and scratched my head, trying to think. Emmett looked around the
room and picked up a discarded syringe on my nightstand, shaking his head.

“You haven’t left the house in who knows how long. How the fuck are you even getting
this shit?”

“I bought a lot before I came here,” I told him.

He rolled his eyes and dropped the needle, before continuing to play with my phone.

“Where’s your charger?”

I reached behind the nightstand and pulled the wire out, handing it to Emmett. He
plugged it in and within seconds I heard the beep of my phone turning on.

“Is there anything from her?” I asked. I already knew the answer.

“No. But you have a shoot tomorrow and your assistant left you like 10 messages.”

“I don’t care,” I said, waving my hand at the phone.

“You should. You start fucking up at work and you’re done. Where’s all your stuff?”

“At my apartment,” I told him. I hadn’t gone back there since I’d packed up all my
clothes and shit with Carlisle to stay with him.

“Well, get up,” Emmett said, standing up from his chair. “You need a shower. This
room fucking reeks like cigarettes and I think you need some fresh air or some shit.
We’ll go get your equipment and come back here later.”

I didn’t want to go anywhere, but if I didn’t get up right then and leave with Emmett, I
would’ve had to go back to the apartment alone and that was the last thing I wanted to
do. That place just reminded me of Bella and I wanted to get in and out as quick as I
could.

Emmett was right. I did look like shit. My face was sunken in and my eyes were dark
and my skin was pale and I looked like a fucking zombie. I looked the same way that I
felt. After I showered and got dressed, I walked downstairs to the kitchen where Esme
and Emmett were eating breakfast.

“Hi Edward. How are you feeling,” Esme said, standing up from her chair. She stood in
front of me and put her hands on either side of my face, running her thumbs over the

dark circles under my eyes. I watched in silence as she looked me up and down, shaking
her head. “Eat something. Please.”

I shook my head and sat down next to Emmett.

“Did you take your pill?” Esme asked. I nodded.

Emmett reached into his plate and picked up a half of his bagel and set it on a napkin in
front of me.

“You need to eat,” he said, his mouth full of food. I sighed and took a bite of the bagel,
chewing slowly, trying to swallow it down without gagging. I was too glum to argue
with anyone. Anyway, it seemed to get Esme off my back.

After breakfast, we got in a cab and headed to my apartment. The doorman seemed
surprised to see me. I walked the familiar route to the elevator, and heard the familiar
bell, and pressed the familiar button, but it all seemed… strange. She was missing. And
my life before her seemed foreign to me.

I held my breath as I walked into the empty apartment. I don’t know what I was
expecting to see. It was cold, since Bella had probably taken the liberty of shutting off
the heat since neither of us were there, and it was clean. I hadn’t left it clean. She’d
definitely been there.

I headed straight toward the closet, where she had left a bunch of her things the last time
I’d been there. Everything was gone. I went to the bathroom, and her toothbrush and her
shampoo and her hairbrush were all gone. I don’t know why I thought everything would
still be there. She even took pictures of the two of us and of her friends that she’d
decorated the apartment with. It was like she’d never been there at all.

“What are you doing?” Emmett asked as I walked from room to room, trying to find
anything that she’d left.

It was really fucking bothering me. I was getting frantic, pulling out drawers and going
through stacks of paper and searching through closets and shit that I knew she’d never
used. There was so many emotions going through me, I felt like I was floating. I was
full of rage, and I was upset, and I was furious with myself for not fucking doing
something sooner, before she was completely gone from my life.

I was throwing shit on the floor from one of the drawers in the kitchen when I felt
Emmett’s hands on my shoulders.

“Edward, come on,” he shoved me into one of the barstools and shook my shoulders.
“You’re flipping out. What the fuck are you looking for?”

“Her! She fucking took everything!”

I didn’t realize it, but I was so enraged I was tearing. I didn’t care.

“Yeah, she moved out, Edward. Why are you so upset?”

“I fucked up,” I said, shaking my head. “I fucked up and now it’s too late and she’s
gone and-”

I stopped suddenly when I saw something stuck to the refrigerator. I pushed past
Emmett and grabbed the piece of paper, reading it over a good ten times before I finally
calmed down.

Edward,

I love you. I’ll never stop waiting for you.

Bella

I sighed and wiped my face with my hands and placed the note on the counter. Emmett
walked over and read it over my shoulder.

“Edward, I have to tell you something about that.”

The tone in his voice made my stomach drop.

“I’m not supposed to be telling you this-”

“Just fucking tell me!” I screamed at him, scared of what he was going to say.

“She’s moving back to Washington. You didn’t do anything, and it’s been almost a
month, and she’s not doing well, so she’s going back. In two days.”

I crouched down on the floor and covered my head with my arms, ready to just fucking
die. Emmett bent down next to me and patted my back.

“Look, you can still do something.”

“In two fucking days? Even if I started detoxing today, she’d be gone by the time I was
done! What the hell am I supposed to do?”

Emmett leaned his head back on the cabinet and took a deep breath.

“I know what you should do. But I’m only telling you if you promise to go through with
it.”

“Okay,” I told him, desperate for any kind of advice.

“This is it, Edward. If you don’t do this… I’m done. I’m married now and I can’t do this
shit anymore. If you don’t do what I’m telling you to, you won’t have Bella, or me, or
Jasper, or anyone else that you care about. You’ll be trapped at Mom and Dad’s, and
you’ll be on your own.”

“Fine,” I told him. “I’ll do it. Whatever it is, I’ll do it.”

For the first time, I honestly meant it.

*

BPOV

“You’re done packing?” Emmett asked as I flopped onto the sofa next to Rosalie.

“Yeah. I don’t have that much stuff.” I propped my feet up on the table and stared
blankly at the TV.

“So, it’s your last night in New York. What are you gonna do?”

“Sit and cry,” I said, not exactly lying. It wasn’t a cause for celebration. I wasn’t
moving somewhere else because of something good that’d happened; I was running
away.

“This isn’t her last night,” Alice said, still in denial. “She’ll be back eventually. Right?”

“I hope,” I said, forcing a smile.

All of a sudden my phone started vibrating in my hand. Everyone heard it and stared in
my direction. Someone muted the TV.

I looked down at my phone and my chest tightened.

Edward

I couldn’t breathe. My eyes widened and I stared down at it, not sure what to do.

“Who is it?” Jasper asked, breaking the silence.

“It’s him,” I murmured, my eyes still not moving from the phone. I couldn’t move.
“Should I answer it?”

“No,” Jasper, and Alice said in unison.

“Answer it,” Emmett said, getting odd looks from them.

The phone stopped vibrating before I could do anything. I set in in my lap and pinched
the bridge of my nose, shaking my head.

“Should I call back?”

“Yes. Do it,” Rosalie said, not hesitating.

I didn’t know what to do. It was such an emotional struggle for me to decide to leave,
and I was afraid talking to him was only going to confuse me more. I knew that all it
would take would be a few convincing words from him, and I’d abandon my plan and
get sucked back in to the cycle of misery.

“I can’t,” I said, setting the phone on the table. Everyone sat there in silence, and no one
put the TV back on. We all just sat there, not saying anything for a minute. I don’t think
anyone knew what to say. “I’m supposed to leave in the morning-”

“Just see what he has to say,” Emmett said, tapping his hand against his knee anxiously.
“It must be something important if he’s finally calling, right?”

“Do you know something about this?” I asked, slightly suspicious.

Emmett shook his head.

Suddenly the phone started vibrating again. I huffed and swiped it off the table, hitting
the talk button.

“Hello?”

“Bella,” he said with relief.

Hearing his voice made my heart race.

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t go,” he begged. “Please.”

“Edward, don’t do this-”

“I’m sorry,” he spat, interrupting me. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have waited this long. I
love you, I really do, and I can’t be without you anymore. Please don’t go.”

I shook my head, and tried to steady my shaking hands. Rosalie noticed the tears
forming in my eyes and started rubbing my hair.

“I have to. I told you this was it, and I have to stand by what I think is right. I’m sorry.”

“Come downstairs.”

“What?”

“Rosalie has something for you, take it and come downstairs. I’m waiting in the lobby.”

He hung up and I pulled the phone away from my ear, staring at the screen for a minute.
I turned my head toward Rosalie and frowned.

“He said… you…”

She nodded and stood up, motioning for me to follow her. She walked toward the front
door and pulled something out of the coat closet. It was a small overnight bag.

“What’s in it?” I asked her, grabbing it from her hand and slipping it over my shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it. Just go,” she said, pushing me toward the door.

I walked to the elevator, beyond confused. Rosalie and Emmett did know something. I
tried to figure out what was going on the whole way down to the lobby, but I couldn’t
think of anything.

When the door opened, I stood there, completely overcome with emotions, and too
afraid to walk out.

I took a deep breath and started walking toward the lobby. I spotted Edward pacing back
and forth in front of the glass doors. He stopped short when his eyes met mine, and
suddenly I felt like my heart was going to explode.

Anyone else looking at him would’ve said he looked horrible. He was unhealthily
skinny. His skin was so pale it was almost white. His eyes were sunken in and dark. But
he was still Edward, and he was still beautiful to me.

I had to stop myself from running up to him and jumping on him and hugging him and
telling him how much I loved him and missed him and everything else that I wanted to
say in the past month. I was leaving, and this confrontation was only complicating
everything so much more.

Edward didn’t look happy to see me. I saw that as a bad sign. He looked downright
terrified.

I took a few steps toward him, and he took the rest, meeting me halfway.

“Come on,” he said. He grabbed the bag off my shoulder and started toward the door. I
stood there, because I didn’t know where we were going or if I even wanted to go
anywhere with him.

“Where are we going?” I asked hesitantly. He stopped and his head tilted toward the
ground before he spun around to me.

“Just… come,” he said, pushing the door open and walking outside.

I followed behind him and watched as he tossed the bag in the backseat of his Volvo,
which was parked on the curb. He opened the passenger door and stood by it, looking at
me. I walked over and got in without a word, and he shut the door before walking
around and sliding into the driver’s seat.

“Edward, where are we going? You have to tell me what’s going on. I have a flight in
the morning-”

“I’m doing it,” he said, his hands clenched tight around the steering wheel. “I’m ready.
And I need you to be with me. Do you… do you want to be there?”

It was what I was waiting for. I looked at him, at a loss for words.

“Yes,” I said quietly, putting my hand over his.

Edward’s face softened a little bit, and I heard him breath a sigh of relief.

“Okay,” he said, stepping on the gas and pulling away from the building.

Detox

BPOV

*

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning,

but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

*

I stood in front of the open glass doors, shivering. It was freezing outside, but my mind
was racing and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore was soothing.

“When was the last time you did it?” I asked him, not turning away from the ocean.

It was the first thing that I’d said to Edward. We rode the entire way to the beach house
in complete silence. There was so much that needed to be said, neither of us knew
where to start.

“At… 3:00 this afternoon,” he answered from his spot on the sofa.

I pulled my cell phone out of my jacket pocket and looked at the time.

12:17 AM.

“So when does everything start?” I asked him.

I had no idea what to do, or what to expect. I’d read as much as I could about it months
before, when I still had faith that Edward would go through with it, but so much time
had passed since then that I only remembered insignificant bits and pieces of my
research.

“Soon.”

He didn’t say anything else. I took a deep breath and closed the door before taking a
spot on the empty couch.

“How do you feel now?”

“Normal,” Edward said with a shrug. That meant nothing to me. Edward’s normal was
never the same as anyone else’s.

“I should call and tell my Dad I’m not coming home,” I said out loud, looking down at
my phone. Charlie knew nothing about what was going on. I didn’t feel like explaining

the whole story to him in front of Edward, so instead I texted Renee and told her I
wasn’t coming home, and to tell Charlie for me. I’d give her the rest of the details some
other time.

I dropped my phone onto the coffee table and my eyes wandered over to Edward. He
was looking into his lap, nervously twiddling his thumbs. I took a deep breath and stood
up before walking across the room and taking the spot next to him on the sofa. I didn’t
touch him, and he didn’t look at me.

“You’re nervous,” I stated. He nodded slightly and sighed, slumping back into the
cushions. “It’ll all be okay. I’ll be right here, the whole time.”

“Thanks.”

“Why’d you want to be here, instead of a hospital or something?” I asked him, curious.

“No one’s around. I need to be alone, with just you, somewhere I’m comfortable and
calm.”

“Oh,” I said, still not fully understanding.

Edward pointed at his suitcase on the ground. “My laptop is in there if you want to use
it. I didn’t really prepare for this so… I don’t know what’s gonna happen.”

I reached in and pulled it out without hesitation.

I sat there for hours, reading everything that I could so that I knew what to expect and
jotting down every helpful piece of advice that I could. Nothing was clear cut, but there
were things that I knew I could do to help. When my eyes could barely stay open
anymore, I looked at the time and yawned.

“You should go to sleep,” Edward said, shutting off the TV. He pulled at his hair
nervously and started walking toward the bedroom.

I left the laptop and the pieces of paper that I’d written on lying on the sofa and I
followed behind him.

When I entered the bedroom, Edward was standing in front of the mirror, his fingers
pressing on the dark circles under his eyes. We’d barely talked, and we hadn’t touched,
and I didn’t know how long it would be until he started feeling horrible, so I walked up
behind him and wrapped my arms around his stomach, resting my head on his back. I
felt his hands move over mine, and he squeezed tightly before I dropped my arms and
walked over to the bed. He stayed standing there at the mirror, and looking at him
standing there so clearly distraught but trying to stay strong was physically painful for
me. I could tell he was hesitant about the whole thing, but instead of saying anything I
turned my back to him, and closed my eyes, falling into a deep sleep.

Day One

When I woke up, I looked around for Edward. He wasn’t in the room. I brushed my
teeth quickly and pulled my hair back before going into the living room, where the faint
sound of the TV could be heard. Edward was sitting down, his head leaning lazily
against the back of the sofa.

I sat down next to him and noticed a light sheen of sweat on his forehead.

“Are you hot?”

He shook his head and continued staring at the TV.

“Why didn’t you wake me when you got up?”

“I didn’t sleep,” he muttered, his voice raspy.

I planted a kiss gently on his cheek and collected all of my notes that were still lying
where I’d left them. I walked over and opened the glass doors, letting the cool air fill the
room to try and comfort Edward a little.

“I have to go to the store. Where’s the closest one around here?”

“Go out to the main road and make a right,” he said, reaching into his pocket to hand
me his keys and his credit card.

I practically ran out of the door.

When I got to the tiny supermarket, I flew up and down the aisles, grabbing food and
other things that weren’t priority and then stopped in the medicine aisle. I looked down
at the list I’d made and tried to steady my shaking hands.

I made the list myself and I had no idea if it was safe or not to mix all the things
together that I was picking out, but I tried to match each symptom up with something
that could make him feel better, even though he told me he didn’t want any medicine.

Advil for muscle aches.

Dramamine and Imodium for his stomach.

Multivitamins since he wasn’t going to be able to eat anything.

I found Sominex, and I figured that it could only help him, since he already wasn’t
sleeping and seemed irritable.

When I finished cleaning out their drug supply, I checked out and sped back to the
house.

Edward was in the same spot as when I left, seemingly the same.

“That was fast,” he said, standing up to help me unpack. I heard him sniffling so I
handed him a tissue.

I popped two pieces of bread into the toaster and gave him a banana.

“Eat,” I begged him. “Please. Eat while you still can.”

He seemed hesitant but took a couple of bites of the banana before dropping it on the
counter.

“I can’t,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t really feel good.”

I slid the plate of toast in his directing and he looked down at it, disgusted.

“Edward, please.”

I wouldn’t normally be so nagging and forceful, but he was already so much skinnier
then the last time I’d seen him, and I doubted he’d had an actual meal in days.

He took the plate and went back to the living room without saying anything. I finished
putting away everything I’d bought and I grabbed one of the sleeping pills and a glass
of water.

I handed the pill to Edward and he stared down into his hand and then back at me.

“What is it?” He asked, through a yawn.

“To help you sleep.”

“I don’t want it,” he said, trying to hand it back to me.

“Just take it. It’ll help.”

He sighed and threw the pill in his mouth, chasing it with the water.

I convinced him to move to the bedroom so that he could lay down and be more
comfortable. His symptoms were already starting and it was only going to keep getting
worse.

Within a half hour, Edward had fallen into an uneasy sleep. He tossed and turned and
kept waking up to tell me he was hot. I’d opened up every window in the bedroom and
had my coat on and I was wrapped in a blanket, but he was still sweating.

I kept looking stuff up on the laptop and letting myself doze off for short periods at a
time to keep my energy up. At around 6:00, when we’d been in bed for over six hours,
Edward gave up on trying to get any rest. He stood up from the bed, agitated, and
walked over to the window.

“I feel like shit,” he said.

Before I could say anything back he stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door.
After a couple of minutes I heard the shower turn on. I figured he was still trying to cool
himself off.

While he was still in the bathroom, my phone started going off. It was Emmett.

“How’s he doing?” He asked me, his voice full of concern.

“Fine right now.”

“Is he near you?”

“He’s in the shower,” I said, letting out a yawn.

“So is he doing anything… at all?”

I thought about that morning until now and told Emmett everything I observed.

“He’s cranky. His eyes are watery and his nose is running. He has a fever… I think. I
don’t know, he’s sweating and I have all the windows open and it’s freezing in here.
And he can’t sleep or eat.”

Emmett was silent for a minute.

“Call me if anything happens.”

I agreed and hung up, feeling slightly relieved. Apparently everything that was
happening was typical.

Edward was still irritated when he emerged from the bathroom. He started slamming the
windows shut, shivering.

“It’s freezing in here,” he muttered, clenching the towel wrapped around his waist with
one of his hands.

I got up and closed the rest of the windows so that he could get dressed. He put on
sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt and got back into bed, under the covers.

The rest of the night progressed the same as the afternoon had, except Edward‘s
symptoms were gradually getting more severe. I gave him another sleeping pill when it
got late, but it had even less of an effect than the last time. I barely slept at all, since
Edward’s shivering and restlessness kept waking me up. In the middle of the night, I
gave up trying to sleep and I just wrapped my body around his, trying anything I could
to keep him from being cold. It didn’t work, and he kept shivering, and I felt the
goosebumps near his wrist where his sleeve had ridden up, but he didn’t push me away.

Day Two

“Are you alright?” I asked Edward, leaning up on my elbow to look at his face. He
nodded and tried to force back a tremor. “Your eyes look weird.”

His pupils were so big that they overpowered the usually dominant green color of his
eyes.

“I’m f-f-fine,” he said, his teeth chattering.

“I’ll be right back.”

I took the quickest shower I ever had and grabbed an apple and all of Edward’s
medicine from the kitchen.

I handed him the lithium for the bipolar first, since I considered it to be the most
important. I didn’t even want to know what would happen if he had to deal with his
bipolar symptoms on top of the withdrawal ones.

“Drink this,” I said, handing him a bottle of Gatorade. He sat up and took one sip with
his pill before dropping it on the nightstand, shaking his head.

“Stop,” he said, swatting my hand away as I tried to give him another pill.

“It’s just a Vitamin. You have to take it,” I insisted. “And you should drink that. The
whole thing.”

He muttered something under his breath and popped the vitamin in his mouth before
taking a few gulps of the bottle.

“I f-f-feel fucking nauseous,” he mumbled, lying back down and pulling the blanket up
to his chest. I stood over him and ran my fingers through his hair, and he went to slap
my hand away, but as his hand hit mine he stopped and grabbed it, pulling it to his lips.

“T-t-thank you, Bella. For being here, and d-d-doing this,” he said.

Little did I know, that would be the last sentence I’d be hearing from him for days.

I nodded and got back into the bed. My body was exhausted and weak from the lack of
sleep, so I crawled under the blankets and tried to force myself into getting at least a
little bit of rest. It was 11:00 in the morning, and it was almost 48 hours since the last
time Edward had used, so I knew he was going to start getting worse fast, and at any
minute.

I didn’t remember falling asleep, and I don’t know how long I was out, but the sound of
Edward violently heaving into the toilet shot me awake. Disoriented, I stumbled toward
the bathroom and leaned against the doorframe, looking down at him.

“Are you alright?”

He didn’t say anything, he just kicked his leg out and slammed the door in my face. I
leaned against the wall and tiredly slid down to the floor, waiting for him to come out.
The heaving continued every couple of minutes for hours. I fell back asleep, sitting up
against the wall waiting.

When I woke up again, it was silent and dark outside. I jumped up and opened the door,
pushing against it to see if he was okay. He was lying on the floor, his body shuddering
violently and covered with sweat.

“Come on,” I said. “You can’t stay in here.”

The sight of him in there scared the shit out of me, and gave me a flashback to the day
I’d found him at the apartment.

I used all of my strength to help him off the floor and lead him back to the bed. After
catching my breath, I put a garbage pail next to him on the floor so he didn’t have to get
up again and I put ice cold water on a washcloth. When I walked back to the room to
put it on his head, he was curled over, his hand on his stomach and wincing in pain. I
put my hand on his face and held up a Dramamine pill, to try and make the nausea
subside a little bit.

“Take this, it’ll make your stomach hurt less.”

He was too weak to sit up, so he just lifted his head and opened his mouth. I stuck the
pill in and he swallowed it, refusing any liquid.

Instead of getting back into the bed, I pulled a chair up next to him that was in the
bedroom and just rested my feet on the mattress. He was uncomfortable enough as it
was, and I was sure my body heat was only making him feel worse.

I started reading through a book that was on the dresser, glancing up every couple of
pages to look at him. It was getting harder and harder. Watching him there, in so much
pain and helpless was almost impossible for me. I had to keep reminding myself that
this was good for him, and that everything would be better when this was over. I
could’ve been selfish and cried and let my nerves take over, but I wanted him to know
that I was there for him, that I was strong, that I loved him and that I could do this,
because he was depending on me.

A few hours later, Edward started to get really fidgety, not being able to stay still for
more than a minute at a time. He kept turning onto him stomach and burying his face
into the pillow, groaning and tugging roughly at his hair. He was shaking vehemently,
and when he started sobbing I jumped out of my chair and kneeled next to him. His arm
was bent backward, and he was pressing his hand so hard against his back his fingertips
were white.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. He didn’t answer, instead letting out a low growl into the
pillow. “Is it your back?”

I saw him nod once, so I reached over and spilled a few Advil into my hand and shook
his shoulder.

“Take this,” I said, reaching onto the nightstand to grab a bottle of water. He took the
pills from me and swallowed them down with the water, but within a minute, he was
leaning over the side of the bed, throwing up into the pail.

I held my hand up to my forehead, trying to think of something I could do. All the
medical websites had said to give Advil to calm the muscle pain, but he couldn’t keep it
down. I went into the other room and called Emmett, not knowing what else to do.

“Emmett!” I shouted, relieved that he answered so quickly, even though it was late.

“Is everything alright?” He asked me, noticing the panic in my voice.

“I don’t know… he’s been throwing up for hours and shaking really badly and his back
hurts so much he’s crying, and he can’t keep down the medicine- I don’t know what to
do.”

I heard Emmett relay what I’d said back to Carlisle, and they conversed back and forth
for a minute.

“You can’t really do anything,” he said. “His bones are going to hurt. Just wait a little
while and try and give him the medicine again.”

“Yeah, but he’s in so much pain-”

“He’s going through withdrawal, Bella. That’s what happens.” I heard Carlisle say
something in the background. “My Dad said keep trying to make him drink and if he
can’t keep anything down enough to take the pain medicine, tell him to take a hot
shower.”

“Okay,” I said, trying to compose myself.

“You’re doing a good job, Bella. Stay strong.”

I hung up and walked back to the room, where Edward was still twitching in pain.

I sat back down in my seat and clenched the armrests, keeping my eyes to the floor. I
couldn’t look at him like that.

“Your Dad said if you’re in a lot of pain to take a hot shower.”

I heard Edward grumble as he rolled off the bed and started dragging himself to the
bathroom. I followed behind him and pointed at the toilet.

“Just sit,” I told him. He listened and sat there, his hands clasped together, shivering
uncontrollably.

I turned the shower on and watching him as I waited for the steam to fill up the
bathroom.

“Why aren’t you talking to me?”

He shrugged and looked down at the floor.

As the mist enveloped us, I bent over and started undressing him. His entire body was
covered in goosebumps, and he winced in pain as I pulled the shirt off his back.

“Sorry,” I murmured, kneeling down to pull his pants off as he stood up. Apparently his
legs were in pain too, because he groaned through his clenched teeth as he stepped out
of his pants.

“Do you want me to come in with you?” I asked. He turned his head and looked at me,
his eyes hooded, and nodded slightly.

Edward stepped into the shower and I heard him moaning in agony as I undressed. I
jumped when what I think was his fist slammed against the shower wall, making a loud
bang echo throughout the bathroom.

I stepped into the shower and positioned Edward so his back was directly under the
stream of water, and I turned the knob so it was a little warmer. He winced at the
sensation, but I saw his face relax a little.

“Are you okay?” I asked him.

Edward put his hand straight ahead and was using his arm to support his body weight.
His head was hanging forward loosely and the water was dripping down his face in little
streams.

He shook his head.

“If you don’t talk to me and tell me what you’re feeling, I can’t help you.”

He didn’t say anything, he just kept his head tilted toward the floor and trembled.

Gently, I put my hands flat against his back and pushed with my fingertips. He jumped
a little, but didn’t push me away, so I kept running my hands up and down his back to
try and soothe him. Even with the steaming hot water that made his skin red, he kept
shaking.

After a few minutes, Edward dropped his arm and stood straight up, spinning around to
me. He didn’t say anything, he just stared blankly. I don’t know if he was in pain, or
embarrassed, or just numb, but either way, I stepped onto my tip toes and pressed my
lips against his softly. Then I stepped out of the shower and left him there, to give him
space for a minute and let him break down if he wanted. Because I knew things were
just going to get worse, and that he was trying to be brave for me.

Day Three

I let my head loll to the side so I could look at the clock on the nightstand.

1:42 PM.

If I hadn’t checked, I would’ve had no idea what time it was. The stress from how much
Edward had worsened overnight, added to my lack of sleep, made me feel like a
zombie. Everything was happening, right there in front of me, but I was in such a
dreamlike state I couldn’t talk, or move, or even cry if I wanted to. I just sat there and

watched Edward suffer, because I didn’t know what else I could do apart from not
staying by his side.

Eventually I managed to pull myself together, and I walked over to the kitchen to try
and eat something. I didn’t want to stay away from him for too long, so I picked at a
piece of bread and grabbed a banana to give him. The only good news was that he’d
managed to keep the water down when he’d gotten out of the shower the night before,
so he took the pills, including the lithium.

The bad news was that it didn’t do shit to help him.

All of his symptoms were worse. His fever was ridiculous and he was alternating
between cold sweats and just regular sweating, his constant shaking not letting up at all.
He still wasn’t talking, but he kept yanking at his hair and gripping the sides of his head
in anguish, so I assumed that meant he had a horrible headache. He’d taken two more
scalding hot showers to try and ease the pain in his bones and his muscles, to no relief.
He kept curling up and holding his stomach, and kept staggering across the room to the
bathroom, but I didn’t hear him throwing up again.

And that was all earlier. Since late morning, he hadn’t left the bed and his groans and
whimpers of pain were only increasing.

I walked back into the room and placed the banana by his head.

“Eat that,” I said, standing next to him. He threw his arm out violently and knocked it
onto the floor.

I walked to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face, to try and calm down and get
back into the right state of mind that I needed to be in.

As I was standing in front of the mirror, looking at my frightening reflection, I thought I
heard the faint sound of something rattling. I shut the water off and heard the noise
again, and ran back into the bedroom.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” I screamed, slapping Edward’s hand and making a
handful of pills shower onto the floor. He’d dumped the entire bottle of sleeping pills
into his palm and was attempting to put them in his mouth.

It hadn’t occurred to me not to leave the medicine on the nightstand, but apparently he
was in so much pain he just wanted out. That killed me.

I knocked the bottles across the nightstand so they flew across the room and clenching
my chest, I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Emmett.

“I can’t fucking do this anymore,” I told him, my voice shaking. “I can’t. This is fucked
up. I don’t think he’s okay-”

“He’s fine,” Emmett said, trying to assure me. It wasn’t convincing. “What happened?”

“He just tried to take a whole bottle of sleeping pills! It’s because he’s in so much pain,
and the stupid over the counter shit isn’t doing anything, and… I can’t do this. He won’t
eat or drink anything, and he’s going to die.”

“He’s not going to die, Bella. I’m sure he feels like he‘s going to, but he won’t.”

“Yes, he is, and I can’t stay here and watch this. This isn’t the fucking flu, Emmett, and
that’s what he told me it would be, and the flu I can handle but this… I can’t. I have to
leave here.”

“Bella, are you fucking serious?” His tone caught me off guard. “You’ve been waiting
for him to do this shit. We all have. You were the push that he needed, and now you’re
just gonna bail? He needs you. Go sit by him, and stop being so selfish and weak, and
suck it up and wait for him to be better. You’re going on four days. It isn’t gonna be
much longer.”

“He won’t even talk to me,” I mumbled, knowing everything Emmett said was exactly
right. I was being a coward, and I didn’t care. I didn’t want to see it anymore.

“Go give him the phone,” he said. I doubted Edward would talk to him, but I walked
into the room and put the phone on speaker before setting on the pillow. Edward’s face
left the pillow and turned toward the phone when he heard Emmett’s voice.

I left the room and closed the door, because even though I hadn’t heard Edward talk in
so long, I felt like I was invading his privacy. The echo of Emmett talking could be
heard from where I sat in the living room, so I waited until there was silence again.

Suddenly, I heard the sound of the bedroom door opening and uneasy steps coming
down the hallway. I ran over and helped Edward to the sofa, where he dropped onto it
and resumed his quivering and moaning.

“Don’t fucking do that to me again,” I said, referring to his attempted barbiturate
overdose and ripping my cell phone out of his hand. “You’ve come this far. You can’t
just give up now.”

He turned his back to me and buried his head into the couch cushion. I went to the
bedroom and grabbed the quilt off of the bed and my book, and I returned to him,
covering his skinny, trembling body and taking a seat on the floor next to his head.

It was a few hours later when things hit rock bottom.

I looked up from my book when I heard his breaths becoming quick and shallow. My
heart instantly started pounding, because I thought the worst had already come and I
was sure that I couldn’t take any more of it.

His shaking became so violent that he was convulsing, his arms and legs thrashing
forcefully underneath the blanket.

Fuck.

I didn’t know what to do. He needed something to calm his nerves, some kind of
medicine, but it was already late and I was sure nothing near was open, and even if it
was, I didn’t want to leave his side for the time it would take to get there.

I grabbed his hand and squeezed it as tight as I could, and I put my other hand on his
face.

“Edward, are you okay? Should I call someone?”

There were tears rolling down his cheeks, but he shook his head. He was completely
delirious.

Not releasing my grasp on his hand, I got back down on the floor and sat there,
defeated. My phone vibrated, quickly, signaling a text message. I picked it up with my
free hand and read it. It was from my mother.

Bella, hope everything’s okay. Stay tough - remember the struggle.

The struggle. I almost laughed when I read that. She had no idea what it was to really
struggle for love. No one understood why I did everything that I did for Edward.

My mother had given me advice on love since I was a little girl. When I was in
elementary school, she’d explained love to me vaguely.

“When you love someone, you’ll just know it.” I think that tidbit of advice was directly
related to my father.

As I’d gotten older, she’d gone into slightly more detail.

“When you’re in love with someone, you know because they’re all you can think about.
Everything you do relates to them, and all you need to do to be happy is be around
them.” Yeah, okay. That one was for her new husband.

And when I’d had my heart broken by my first boyfriend, and she tried to soothe me
over the phone, she gave me the most valuable scrap of advice that she ever had. It was
the one thing she said that I’d actually kept with me.

“Loving someone is never easy. That’s how you know how much you love them. The
struggle.”

I’m sure she regrets ever saying those words to me. Because in the last year, my entire
existence consisted of struggles that I thought meant love. If I was smart, I would have
disregarded any guidance she’d ever given to me because just following that one little
statement had put my life into a whirlwind of misery and denial. Sure, maybe she didn’t
intend for me to take her words as literally as I had, but it was my only justification for
not giving up on Edward.

As I sat there and watched his perfect face contorting and twisting in pain, and I grasped
his hand as he shook and cried, I realized that my distant, flaky mother was the last

person I should’ve taken advice from. With every uneven breath that shot through
Edward’s pouted lips, my chest tightened.

He’s not going to survive this.

I tried to force the thought from my mind, but I couldn’t deny it anymore.

It’s going to be my fault. This all is happening because of me.

His hand was cold. I released my grasp and tried to wipe away the sheen of sweat that
was covering his forehead. Before I could place my hand on his face, the face that I’d
touched and kissed and loved with everything in me, he screamed in pain. I couldn’t sit
there anymore. If I had to sit there, and watch it happen, I was going to die along with
him.

I felt the tears well up in my eyes. The tears that I’d been pushing away for days. The
tears that I knew were never going to stop once they came. I had no fight left in me, so I
jumped up and turned away from Edward, so he couldn’t see me cry. It was only going
to make things that much worse for him.

As I walked to the door, I sobbed for everything that I’d been holding in. I reached out
to turn the doorknob, but before I could go, I heard a raspy, pained voice call me from
across the room.

“Bella,” I closed my eyes and sighed. It was the first time he’d said anything in days.
“Bella, please don’t leave me…”

How was I supposed to leave after that?

I didn’t know what to do. I crouched down on the floor in front of the door and sobbed.
I was done trying to be courageous and strong and brave and whatever else Edward
needed me to be.

I just wanted everything to be over.

Suddenly the door flung open, slamming into me.

“Bella! What are you- are you okay?”

Emmett bent down and helped me up from the floor, frowning when he saw I was
weeping.

“What’s the matter?”

“Look at him! I can’t-”

Emmett shook his head and looked down at the floor. The disappointment in his face
made me stop talking. I didn’t feel bad, though. I’d done all that I could do, and I wasn’t
going to let him make me feel like I’d failed Edward.

“When was the last time you slept?”

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

Emmett sighed and walked into the living room, kneeling down next to Edward. He
pulled a bottle of prescription pills out of his coat pocket.

“Get me water, Bella,” he said, shaking Edward’s shoulder. “Edward, take this. It’ll
make you feel way better.”

“I’m not taking that shit,” Edward said angrily, attempting to shove Emmett away.

“It’s not methadone! It’s just Clonazepam, to stop the pain and to help you sleep. Just
fucking take it.”

I held out my hand to give Emmett the water and he snatched it from me.

“Bella, go to sleep,” he said, pointing toward the hallway. “Now.”

“But I don’t want to leave him-”

“You don’t want to leave him? You were just hunched over in front of the door
hysterically crying.”

“I wasn’t going to leave, I was just scared!”

“You’re just tired,” Emmett said, his voice getting softer. “You both haven’t slept in
days. This’ll help him, so go to sleep, he’ll be fine, and I’ll wake you up when I leave.”

I took one last look at Edward, and he nodded.

Feeling slightly relieved, I walked into the bedroom and collapsed, falling into a
dreamless sleep.

EPOV

Day Four

“…In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond, And therefore thou mayst think my behavior
light, But trust me, gentleman, I'll prove more true Than those that have more coying to
be strange. I should have been more strange, I must confess, But that thou overheard'st,
ere I was ware, My true love's passion: therefore pardon me, And not impute this
yielding to light love-”

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked Bella as I opened my eyes. Her mouth dropped
open and she dropped the book in the lap.

“I… I was reading you Romeo & Juliet. You told me you wanted me to keep talking
and I didn’t have anything to say, so,” she shrugged and tossed the book onto the floor

and got onto her knees. “I thought it would be appropriate because they had more
problems then we do, but… now that I’m re-reading it, I think I was wrong.”

“Mmmm,” I said, agreeing with her. I tried to sit up, but an aching pain went up my
spine. I winced and pushed through the soreness as Bella watched, a look of concern on
her face. Finally, I was sitting upright for the first time in who knows how long.

“You look a little better,” she said, giving me a weak smile. “At least you’re not shaking
anymore.”

“Yeah,” I said, glad the convulsing bullshit was over with. I was still cold and a little
shivery, my back and my legs were still fucking throbbing, my head was pounding, I
was exhausted and nauseous and my every part of my body felt sore and weak. Still,
there was a noticeable improvement from the night before. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost 2:00. It’s been 95 hours,” Bella said, excited.

I just nodded, because I was in shock.

It seemed like it wasn’t real. I hadn’t done heroin in four days. I made it through the
worst part of the withdrawal. I was almost sure I was about to die, and I’d never feel so
fucking awful in my life, but I made it through.

“This is the longest I’ve ever gone without doing it. Since I became addicted,” I told
her. “It feels so strange.”

“How do you feel? Do you want anything?”

“I want the Clonazepam. And some Imodium. And I think I’m gonna take another
shower.”

Bella nodded and walked into the other room. I forced myself to stand up and walk to
the bathroom. I was so god damn tired and weak, I felt like there were weights strapped
to my legs. When I walked by the mirror, my reflection seriously scared me. I didn’t
think it was possible to look any worse, but somehow I managed. I didn’t care though; I
knew it was only a matter of time before I was back to normal, or better than normal,
and even though the past couple of days had been the worst of my life, by far, the whole
thing would be behind me soon.

Then, I could start my life over.

I don’t know how people did this shit over and over again, and still go back to the
drugs. There was no fucking way I was turning back now. Not ever. I’d messed up my
life almost beyond repair, and I almost lost the best thing that happened to me because
of some stupid fucking drugs and bad choices. I was done.

I turned the shower on and sat on the edge of the tub, waiting for Bella. She returned
with the medicine and a cup of tea.

“It’s herbal tea. You haven’t eaten anything… there’s sugar in it. Can you eat? I’ll make
you something-”

“No, this is good. Thanks.”

She turned to walk out of the bathroom, but I grabbed her wrist.

“You were going to leave me,” I said, recalling the night before.

Bella shook her head and looked down at the ground. “I could never leave you. I just…
couldn’t handle it anymore. Seeing you in so much pain. I felt like it was my fault. Like
you were only doing this for me, and I thought you were going to die, and… I’m sorry.”

“Bella, I love you, but I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing it for myself, you were just
the one who made me realize that I needed to do it.”

“Then why wouldn’t you talk to me?”

“Because… I don’t know, I didn’t want to say anything. I thought I could be strong, and
I felt so fucking pathetic crying and yelling. I didn’t want to scare you away, or make
you feel worse… I don’t know. My head hurts,” I said, dropping the tea on the counter
and pushing on my temples.

Bella walked over and moved my hands and started gently rubbing my head in circles
with her fingertips. I closed my eyes and let the calm take over me.

“You’re moving back in when we go home, right?” I asked her. There was so much we
had to talk about and figure out before we went back to the city.

“If you want me to,” she murmured.

“Yeah, I want you to. I never wanted you to leave.”

She sighed and dropped her hands, spinning me toward the shower.

“Um, just… shower. We can talk when you get out. I’ll be waiting out here. And drink
your tea,” she said before exiting and slamming the door.

I don’t know why I kept taking hot showers, because all it did was make my muscles
feel a little bit better for a couple of minutes. Luckily, the Clonazepam started working
while I was still in there, so I got out and quickly brushed my teeth before dragging ass
back to the bed. I was so fucking exhausted I didn’t even have the energy to get dressed.

Bella noticed and walked over to my suitcase.

“What do you want to wear?”

“I don’t care,” I told her. She tossed me a pile of clean clothes and I struggled to put
them on. When I was done, she laid next to me in the bed and yawned. “When was the
last time you slept?” I asked her.

“Uh… I slept the whole time Emmett was here. He got here at like 7:00 last night and
left at 2:00 this morning.”

“Well, I’m getting tired so sleep with me,” I said, barely able to keep my eyes open.

“Put your head on my lap,” Bella said, and I fell asleep to her rubbing my head.

Day Five

I’d been clean for 117 hours.

“We have to talk,” I said, swallowing down the banana Bella was making me eat. When
I didn’t throw up the tea she kept forcing down my throat all night, she begged me to try
and eat solid food.

“What about?” She asked, drumming her fingers on the kitchen counter.

“I want you to tell Alice you’re quitting and finish your book.”

She sighed and walked around to the other side of the counter so she was standing
behind me and started massaging my shoulders.

“Okay,” she agreed.

“You’re gonna stay with me, right?” I asked, because I wasn’t sure. Everything was
different now and I wanted to know she hadn’t changed her mind.

“Of course I’m staying with you. Are you insane? I’m not leaving you. Not ever.”

A feeling of relief washed over me, even though her voice seemed a little unsteady.

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re not gonna leave me, are you? Now that you’re going to be better, and things are
different… I mean, now that you don’t need me-”

“What do you mean I don’t need you?”

“It’s just that… I was always afraid you’d go and find someone better, and I loved you
so much that I just did whatever I thought you wanted and I put up with the drugs and
everything for so long, but now that there’s no drugs involved, how do I know you
aren’t going to go and find someone else, and…” She trailed off as I started laughing.

“After everything we’ve been through together? I don’t want anyone else, Bella. I didn’t
stay with you because of anything having to do with the fucking drugs. I’ve been
obsessed with you since the first time I saw you. If we could, I’d stay here with just you
forever. And I’d be happy.”

I reached over my shoulder and grabbed her hand, pulling it to my lips to kiss her palm.
She wrapped her other arm around me and embraced me, and I felt the warmth of her
lips on the side of my neck.

I felt my stomach cramping up and I groaned.

“Solid food was a bad idea.”

“Okay,” she said, cleaning off the counter. “We’ll try again tomorrow.”

“Alright. I think we should go back home,” I told her. “I don’t think I can drive, but, I
feel… okay enough to go home later.”

“It’s fine, I’ll drive,” she assured me, smiling weakly.

I took another sleeping pill and we both took a nap, not waking up until it was sundown.
Bella packed up all of our stuff and cleaned the house quickly, while I mustered up
enough strength to walk to the car. To say that I was feeling better would be a lie; day
by day I felt less worse than I had before, but it wasn’t anything close to good.

Even though we’d just spent the worst days of my life at the beach house, I still felt
wistful leaving it. Because the best couple of days of my life had been spent there with
Bella, too. I didn’t tell her, but that was why I chose to go there. I figured that the
reminder of how happy I was when I was there and how happy my life could be always
would be enough to get me through it.

It seemed to work.

“Are you ready?” She asked me as she climbed into the drivers seat. I nodded and
squeezed her hand.

She pulled out of the driveway, and I felt like a weight had suddenly been lifted off me.

I turned my head and watched as the house faded from view, along with my past.

Coming Home

BPOV

We didn’t tell anyone that we were coming back home. I told Edward that I thought it
would be better that way; he needed time to be alone and recuperate before he went
back to his regular life. And that wasn’t going to be anytime soon. He was better, but he
wasn’t anywhere near okay and hopefully the worst was over.

I had the doorman bring our bags upstairs, and used all of my energy helping Edward
up. The car ride was awful for him; he was uncomfortable, and still in pain, and he was
getting irritable. But as soon as we got inside and he laid down, his demeanor totally
changed and he started talking to me.

“I think we should go through the apartment,” he said, scratching his head.

“What do you mean?”

“I used to hide bags all over the place when my mom would come and go through my
stuff. I don’t want to randomly find one one day and be… tempted.”

I sighed and looked around.

“Alright. I’ll do it, you just… rest. Where should I start?”

“Anywhere,” he said, throwing his hand in the air. “Just… wherever.”

I started with his clothes. Sometime between when I’d cleaned my stuff out of the
apartment and when we’d gone to the beach house, all of Edward’s stuff had been
moved back in. Most of it was still in suitcases, so I went through every single pocket of
everything he owned. It took hours. By the time I was done, I had a small pile of
contraband. Needles, bags, whatever. You name it, it was in the pile.

Edward just laid there, watching me. He offered to help more than once, but I didn’t
want him going anywhere near any of it.

After I finished with the clothes, I looked around the apartment for the next place to
search.

“Go in the bathroom. Behind the door, count three tiles to the right and two down.”

I wasn’t sure exactly what he meant, but I figured it out once I got in there. There was a
loose tile, and behind it a small hole cut out in the wall with a bunch of shit stuck in it. I
checked every single tile in the bathroom, the cabinets, the linen closet. Everything.

It went on like that for the rest of the night. I went through every drawer, every cabinet.
Every pillow, every cushion. By the time I was finished, the sun was coming up. I had a
grocery bag full of stuff that I’d found. I threw it in a garbage bag, along with all the
alcohol in the kitchen and anything else I felt was bad for him.

“Okay, Edward. I think we’re good here… are there any floorboards or anything that I
should be ripping up?” I joked.

“No.”

He didn’t think it was funny.

Not even wanting to risk it, I brought the bag right to the garbage shoot and let it drop.

It was four days later that I’d started to get slight anxiety from being in the apartment. I
was going a little bit stir crazy. Edward had taken up chain smoking out of boredom,
and he was walking around on his own. His eating habits still sucked- on a good day,
he’d allow me to force him into eating one meal. With the sleeping pills and the muscle
relaxers, he was able to sleep through the night without any traumatizing nightmares or
violent outbursts. It had been ten days, and I felt like it was time for him to start his new
routine.

I hadn’t kept in touch with anyone except Emmett, and the conversations that I did have
with him were short and simple. Yes, Edward’s fine. He feels like shit, but he’s clean. I
told Emmett that when Edward was ready to talk to him, he’d hear from him.

As far as the two of us were concerned, things were far from back to ‘normal.’ I didn’t
know what our new normal was going to consist of, since I’d only known Edward as a
junkie. We didn’t talk to each other a lot. When we did, we typically discussed the
technical things. Like Edward’s immediate plans for the future. When he was going to
go back to work. How he needed to start therapy. We weren’t intimate, we didn’t hug or
kiss or touch each other the way we always had. But I figured that Edward was just
uncomfortable, and he didn’t know how to get back into things. He had enough going
through his mind as it was, I didn’t want to add relationship awkwardness into that. I
could sit and wait for as long as he needed without saying a word about it.

“Do you want to talk to your parents?”

Edward had just gotten out of the shower and was getting dressed. He carelessly shook
his hand around in his wet hair and shook his head.

“Not yet.”

I sighed and continued typing on my laptop. With all the free time I had, I was able to
keep working on my book, and I felt like it would be done soon. At least I hoped it
would be.

Edward snuck up behind me and tried to read the screen, but I quickly slammed the
laptop shut and spun around to him.

“You can’t read it until it’s completely done. I don’t know how it’s going to end yet,” I
said, wiping off a drop of water that was running down the side of his cheek. He raised
an eyebrow and sat down on the stool next to me. “Edward… can I call Alice?”

“Yeah,” he said, nodding. “Go ahead.”

I fiddled with my phone nervously and dialed her number. She picked up on the first
ring.

“Bella!”

“Hey Alice.”

“What happened? Is he okay? Where are you? Did he really do it?” She kept shooting
off questions without letting me get a word in.

“Um, everything’s fine. He’s getting better. We’re at his apartment.”

“Oh my God, I can’t believe he really did it- Jasper’s been so worried, and Emmett
hasn’t said anything. Can I… can I talk to him?”

I put my hand over the receiver and looked at Edward. “She wants to talk to you,” I
whispered.

He grabbed the phone from my hand and held it to his ear.

“Hello? Hey, thanks. I feel pretty crappy… yeah, tell him… I can call him… no- no
way. We’re not having an ‘Edward is clean’ party… fine, I guess so… okay, bye.”

He frowned and mouthed “she’s crazy” before giving me back the phone.

“Hey Bella- I have to go to a meeting, but I’ll see you later, okay?” Alice hung up,
leaving me confused.

“She said I’ll see you later,” I told Edward.

“Yeah, I told her we’d go over there tonight. I figured you’re tired of being stuck here
with me and you missed your friends.”

“We don’t have to go anywhere if you don’t want to,” I told him, squeezing his forearm.
“Don’t worry about me.”

“No, I want to.” He put his hand over mind and pulled. “Bella, come here.”

I stood up and he pulled me between his legs and wrapped his arms around me, pulling
me up against his body. I closed my eyes and basked in his smell that I missed for so
long, and the warmth of his body, and just the feeling of him being right there, and
being okay. It was everything that I’d been waiting for, for so long, and I was so happy
and content that it was beyond words.

“You’ve been so good to me,” he said, putting his finger under my chin and turning my
head so he could stare into my eyes when he talked. “I know that right now things are
different. We’re not the same as we were before… but it’ll change over time. And we’ll
be better than we were before.”

I smiled at him and nodded.

“We already are better than we were before.”

*

Alice told us that she was making dinner and to come over at seven, but I declined,
knowing Edward wouldn’t have eaten anything and it would’ve just made him
uncomfortable. We stood in front of the door to my old apartment, and I saw him shift
his weight from one foot to the other and anxiously shove his hands in his pockets.

“Are you okay?” I asked him. I fixed the collar of his jacket as he nodded.

“I’m fine.”

Alice yanked opened the door and hopped into Edward’s arms immediately.

“Hi! You look so much better, Edward, I’m so happy for you! Come in,” she grabbed
his hand and pulled him into the apartment as he laughed nervously.

Edward walked off into the living room and Alice turned around to look at me. She
stood on her tiptoes and kissed me on the forehead before rubbing my arm.

“How are you?” She whispered it, even though no one else is around.

“Good. I’m… really good.”

Alice smiled and led the way to the living room. Rosalie and Jasper were sitting there,
talking quietly to each other.

“Where’d they go?” Alice asked.

“Emmett’s talking to him in our room,” Jasper told her.

I sat down next to Rosalie and started talking to her and Alice about everything that’d
been going on the past couple of weeks. After about a half an hour, Emmett called
Jasper into the room. Alice, Rosalie, and I sat there and continued talking, until the
subject couldn’t be avoided anymore. Rosalie was the first to bring it up.

“How was it?”

It was a simple question, but the answer was beyond words.

“I can’t even explain it,” I said, shrugging. “It was horrible. But the whole time, I just
kept telling myself that this was for him, that it was for the better. That it would be over
soon, and after it was we could finally go on with our lives and be happy.”

“So… how is it now?” Rosalie asked.

I wish I could’ve said everything was better, but it wasn’t. It had only been a week and
a half, and although I wanted to believe things were okay, they weren’t. He was still
depressed and clearly getting used to the way his body felt. It would be months before
he was used to his new life.

“It’s… different. Not the same at all. But he’s a different person now, and this is all new
for him so, I don’t know. His personality seems different… he’s way more quiet then
usual. He doesn’t joke around the way he used to, and he just seems… closed off. I
guess he’s still getting comfortable. It takes time.”

“You’re staying together though, right?” Alice asked, clearly understanding that I felt
unsure.

I frowned and nodded.

“Yeah, of course. The way I feel for him hasn’t changed. It’s not ever going to.”

After another half hour, the three of them emerged from the room, all of them looking
slightly distraught. I’m sure that it was a bittersweet reunion for them.

“I need a drink,” Emmett murmured, pouring two glasses for him and Jasper and sitting
at the dining room table. We all sat around them, the tension almost suffocating.

“Okay,” Alice said, breaking the silence. “I know you said you didn’t want a party or
anything, but I think we should all talk about this.”

“Okay,” Edward said, tapping his hands on the table in front of him.

“I know that you’re probably struggling with things right now, and emotionally this has
to be hard for you. You used for a long time, and even though it made your life kind of
chaotic, it didn’t… define you as a person. Everyone here loves you, even Rosalie in her
own way, and I think that… we should all go around and say something good about
Edward, to let him know how important he is to us and lift his spirits a little.”

Edward rolled his eyes. “Thanks Alice, but it’s alright.”

“No, I’ll go first.” She thought for a second and took a deep breath. “When I first
opened my store, I was having problems getting it off the ground. One night, Edward
and Emmett came here and I was doing paperwork and bills and stuff, and I was
freaking out because I thought I was going to have to shut down. No one knows this, but
Emmett and Rosalie went out to the store, and Edward sat with me and told me he knew
a bunch of people from big newspapers and magazines that could help me with
advertising. I knew I couldn’t afford anything like that, so he told me that he’d lend me
the money, and whenever I made it back I could repay him. And obviously it worked,
and I made all of the money back and when I tried to pay him back, he wouldn’t take
it.”

Rosalie shook her head in amazement. “Why didn’t you ever tell me this-”

“He told me not to. And that’s why I was always willing to overlook his problems and
help him with Bella, because when I needed help, he gave it to me.”

Everyone around the table was quiet. Jasper broke the tension by taking a sip of his
drink and clearing his throat.

“So, me Edward and me have been friends since we were really young. But he’s always
stuck by me and been there for me. Two summers ago, I was supposed to go visit my
dad down south for a month. I hadn’t seen him in years. But my mom got really sick,
and I didn’t want to leave her. So Edward volunteered to stay at my house with her and
take care of her because he knew how badly I wanted to see my dad.”

Edward laughed and scratched his head. “That wasn’t a big deal, Jasper.”

“Yeah, it was. To me.”

All of their stories were making me really emotional. I could see that it was breaking
Edward down a little, but he needed to hear it. I had the feeling that he thought poorly

about himself, and for the past couple of days, he kept saying how bad he felt for all the
trouble he put people through, and how he didn’t know how everyone didn’t hate him.
This was the perfect way to make him see why everyone still cared about him.

Rosalie was sitting next to Jasper. She smirked and looked at Edward.

“I don’t really have anything to say. You’ve been a pain in my ass since I’ve met you.”

“Rosalie,” Alice scolded while Edward chuckled. “If it wasn’t for him, you wouldn’t
have met Emmett.”

“Fine. Because of you I met Emmett. So, thanks for that.” She grabbed Emmett’s drink
and took a gulp of it.

“Thanks, Rosalie.” Edward said, shaking his head.

“Rose, stop it.” Alice squinted at her and Rosalie sighed.

“Okay, fine. I have something.” She giggled a little bit and looked at Emmett, then
Edward. “When Emmett and I first started dating, I went to Friday night dinner at your
house. And when I told your parents that I was a model, they kind of freaked out a little.
You and me were still kind of awkward because of the whole… thing.” She was
referring to the fact that her and Edward had gone out a couple of times, and that was
how she met Emmett. “You saw how uncomfortable I was, and since you loved pissing
off your parents, you started yelling at them about something stupid, just to take the
focus off of me. So thanks. I was ready to run out crying before you did that.”

Edward cocked an eyebrow at her and nodded.

It was Emmett’s turn next. He looked at Edward and grabbed his shoulder and shook
him a little bit before he started talking.

“I have too many things that Edward has done for me over the years. So… I’ll just say
the most recent thing.” He looked down at the table and took a deep breath. “After the
wedding, before we went on our honeymoon, I was helping Edward move all his clothes
and shit back into our parents’ house. And while I was moving one of the suitcases,
Carlisle noticed that our family crest thing that I always wore around my neck had
fallen off. He and Esme started flipping out on me, because it was an heirloom or
something, and I felt really fucking bad, so… Esme has this famous sculpture that she
got at an auction that was like $30,000 or something ridiculous like that, and Edward
always made fun of it because the thing was so ugly, so he heard them screaming at me
and he knocked the thing off the shelf and it broke in like a million pieces.”

Emmett laughed and looked at Edward. His ears were red and I saw his nose twitching a
little bit, and then he pressed his palms into his eyes.

“They were so pissed they completely forgot about what they were yelling at me for,”
Emmett finished. I put my hand on Edward’s shoulder, but he shrugged it off. Then, he
pushed his chair back and jetted out of the apartment before anyone could say anything.

“Should… someone go get him?” Rosalie asked.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Just let him be for a minute.”

“I’m sorry,” Alice said. “I thought it would help, I didn’t mean to make him upset.”

“I don’t think he’s upset,” Emmett said. “He’s just overwhelmed.”

We sat around talking for a little while longer, and after about twenty minutes, I put my
jacket back on and grabbed Edward’s.

“I’m just gonna bring him home. I’ll see you guys soon. I still have to get all my boxes
from here.”

I said goodbye to everyone and took the elevator down to the lobby. Edward was
standing on the other side of the glass doors smoking. I pushed through and handed him
his jacket. His eyes were still red, and his cheeks were flushed from him wiping them.

“Are you okay?” I asked him, putting my hand on his chest. He nodded and tossed his
cigarette to the side. “Let’s go home.”

Edward leaned forward and kissed me before we walked to the curb and hailed a taxi.

*

Two weeks later

I woke up shivering and looked at the clock. 3:48 AM. The apartment was dark, but I
felt a gust of wind. When I sat up, I saw that the door to the balcony was wide open. I
rolled out of bed and groggily walked over to it, where Edward was standing outside,
shirtless, barefoot, and in just his sweatpants, leaning on the edge of the balcony and
smoking.

“What’s the matter?” I asked him, quivering.

“Nothing. I couldn’t sleep so I was just… thinking.”

I hopped up onto the concrete wall so I was facing him and yawned. “What about?”

Edward took a drag of his cigarette and blew it out before looking at me.

“Do you like this apartment?”

I frowned and laughed a little.

“Are you serious? Of course I do. It’s fucking amazing. Why?”

“It’s kind of a bachelor pad, don’t you think?”

“Well you are a bachelor,” I said, shrugging.

“Yeah, but you live here now.”

The wind whipped through the air and made Edward’s hair blow in every direction. He
stuck his hand in it and smirked at me. I instantly melted, because I’d missed him
looking at me that way so much.

“So… what are you trying to say?”

He tossed his cigarette off the side of the balcony and watched it fly around in the wind,
until it was out of sight.

“Emmett and I were talking,” he said, wrapping his hands around my waist. “I want to
open up my own photography studio, and I planned on buying commercial space, but, I
was thinking… if we’re really going to stay together, we should buy our own place.
Don’t you think?”

I chuckled a little bit and played with a piece of his hair.

“Edward, I can’t afford anything. I don’t even have a job anymore.”

“I’ve been saving up money for years. I can still open my studio, just instead of renting
an apartment and buying the studio, I‘ll buy an apartment and rent the studio. We can
pick out something that we both like and that we’ll want to stay in for a long time.”

I yawned again and ran my thumb across his eyebrow.

“So… you think now is a good time to open up your studio?”

“I‘ve been thinking about it for awhile, but Emmett suggested I do it now because…
that way I could control the people I was around and I wouldn’t have to worry about
running into… my old crowd. You know?”

I was ecstatic that Edward was taking the steps that he needed to in order to stay clean
in the future. Obviously, I was willing to support anything that was going to ensure that.

“Yeah. Well, sure. It’s a good idea.”

“He’s gonna help me if I need it, because he started his own company and he knows a
lot about business and-”

“Edward?”

“Huh?”

“It’s four in the morning. I’m freezing. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

He laughed and helped me off the wall before I followed him back inside. We laid down
next to each other in bed, and I closed my eyes. The only sound was our steady
breathing and the whistling of the wind every few minutes. Before I drifted off, I heard
him faintly call my name.

“Bella?”

“Hmm?”

“Can you come here?”

I shimmied over to Edward’s side of the bed and rested my head on his chest. He draped
an arm over me and ran his finger up and down my side.

“I just… feel like I need to thank you. For staying with me through everything, even
now. I know I’m still all fucked up, and I’m boring, and pissy all the time but, I care
about you so much. Even though I haven’t been showing it, I still do… if not more than
before.”

Edward had been clean for over three weeks, but things still weren’t very different from
when we’d first gotten home. Besides for the fact that he had a little bit more energy,
and he was talking a little more, he hadn’t changed much.

“Stop thanking me and feeling bad. This is what people who love each other do. After
all I’ve gone through with you, you think that you should be thanking me now? I should
thank you for finally doing this.”

“Okay,” he sighed.

I felt his fingers linger along the hem of my nightgown, and then he slowly started
sliding his hand up the inside of it. Sadly enough, it was the most physical contact we’d
had with each other in weeks, and I couldn’t control the fact that my heart started
pounding rapidly. Edward leaned up on his side and skimmed his warm hand across my
chest, stopping right over my heart and pressing his palm against it.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” I whispered.

I laid there and stared at him for a second before I lifted my arm and let my hand glide
across Edward’s shoulder, over his collarbone, and then let it relax behind his head. I
craned my neck forward and moved my face towards Edward’s slowly, until our lips
were almost touching, and he suddenly met me and pressed his mouth against mine,
hard, forcing my head back against the pillow. I let my eyes slide shut for a second as
his soft, warm lips molded against mine, and then I snapped them open again because I
needed to see him. I needed to see every little detail of his face; the sharp corner of his
jaw, the delicate fluttering of his eyelashes, the tiny wrinkles in the middle of his
forehead that he got when he was concentrating. All of it.

Edward’s hands clutched the bottom of my nightie, and he tugged on it gently so I could
lift my back, letting him remove it. I moved my hands from the sides of his face to his
back and I crushed his chest against mine, just soaking in all of his warmth and his
smell, and everything that was him. Everything that I missed and longed for all that time
that we were apart. There weren’t words to describe the yearning and the aching that

had been building up inside of me. It was all right there, coming to the surface, and I
needed to have him.

Edward’s face suddenly moved away from mine, and I felt his fingers around the
waistband of my underwear. He slid them down my legs and kneeled next to me, not
moving or doing anything.

“Edward-”

“Shhh. Just… let me look.” His eyes roamed from my face, across my naked chest,
down my legs. He placed both of his palms flat against my stomach and touched and
embraced and rubbed every part of me, until I couldn’t take it anymore. I pulled him on
top of me and forced his sweatpants down, and then his boxers and then… I didn’t
know what to do.

To say that I was overwhelmed would be an understatement. I felt a lump in my throat,
and I tried to push it back, but before I knew it I was sobbing into Edward’s shoulder.
He rubbed my head and kissed the top of it to try and calm me down, but I had to cry. I
should’ve waited, but I was so emotional at that moment, it was all I could do. He
understood.

I don’t know how many times I’d slept with Edward since I’d known him. It wasn’t that
I never enjoyed it because I did. No one else that I’d been with even compared to
Edward. But the sorry truth of it was, every time we did it, there was always something
there, looming over our heads. Whether it be the fact that he was depressed and I was
trying to soothe him, or that he’d gotten into an argument with someone in his family,
or that I was trying to distract him from using, or towards the end, when I’d try to make
him sleep with me every day before I left the house because I wasn’t sure if it would be
the last time. For whatever reason, we could never really just do it, our consciences free
and our minds clear and relaxed. Right now was the first time that we could actually
enjoy it, without a hidden agenda, and just concentrate on being there in that moment
and loving each other.

“Bella… it’s okay. If you feel weird, we don’t have to-”

“No,” I said, quickly cutting him off and shaking my head. “I want to.”

“Okay.”

He wiped the tears off of my face and shifted between my legs, and I watched his chin
drop down so that he was looking at the space between us. I felt him, hard, brushing
against the inside of my thigh, and then he was right there, so I took a deep breath and
leaned my head backward and he pushed forward, as I let out the breath and kissed him.

He moved forcefully, but gracefully, because that was Edward. He was beautiful and
compassionate, strong willed and misguided, gifted and brilliant, intelligent and
appealing, and most of all, completely fucked up. But regardless of all of that, he was
perfect for me and I adored him. I sighed as I stared at his stomach muscles contracting
as he moved in and out of me. My chest tightened at the feeling of his open mouth on
my neck, in the middle of my palm, on my temple, around my nipple, on my shoulder. I

touched and squeezed and rubbed and kissed every part of him that I could, because this
was it; he was mine, and I was his, and we were starting anew and our lives would
never be the same.

I suddenly felt proud of everything that I’d done for Edward. Now, more than ever, I
knew that I’d made the right decision, sticking by him. I may have gone about it in the
wrong way, but in spite of that, we were here, together and triumphant. I didn’t want to
leave his side, ever. I wanted to marry him. I wanted to have his children. I wanted to
grow old with him and die with him and never, ever have to say goodbye to him again.

I wanted him to be happy, forever. Because he deserved it. He spent most of his life
suffering and being absolutely miserable, and I never wanted him to feel that way again.

Edward’s thrusts became deeper and more vigorous. I clenched onto the muscles in his
back and reveled in all of it; his heavy breathing, the closeness, his fervent passion. His
body instantly tensed up, and he groaned and sighed and kissed me over and over, and
my body filled with contentment at the fact that he felt release, in more ways than one.
He collapsed on top me of, sweaty and satisfied, and I caressed his head as his breathing
slowed.

It was more than just sex for us; it was the start of our new beginning. It was everything
we felt and couldn’t say in words. It was the bond that represented his new life. It was
hope, and optimism, and bliss.

“This is it, Bella,” he murmured into my ear. “You’re it. I’m not ever going back now. I
promise.”

He didn’t need to say it, because I knew, but stating it out loud to me had inexpressible
importance that I appreciated.

“I know,” I told him. “I believe you.”

Because I did.

*

Epilogue

3 Months Later

EPOV

“What if we don’t like this one?” Bella asked, clenching my hand.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “We keep looking.”

We’d already looked at 12 different apartments, but none of them were right. Well, not
right for her. I didn’t really care either way. As long as she was happy, I didn’t give a
shit.

“Can’t we just buy that room we stayed in at the Plaza?”

I laughed at her and recalled the memory of that weekend. “Uh… probably not.”

“Where exactly is this one?”

“In TriBeCa. It’s on the water, and it’s only a short cab ride to the studio, and it’s really
close to Emmett and Rosalie. I don’t know, the realtor says it’s nice.”

“All of them have been nice,” Bella said, rolling down the window. “Just not right.”

She stuck her hand outside of the cab and smiled.

“Today was a good day,” I noted. It was June, but it had been hot and sticky since May.
Today was the only day that had been breezy and comfortable. It was also a year ago
today that me and Bella first met, so I took that as a good sign.

“Yeah, it was.”

The cab came to a halt and Bella pushed open the door before climbing out and staring
up at the building in amazement.

“Oh my god,” she said, her eyes wide. “It’s beautiful.” She spun her head around to
look at the neighborhood.

It was similar to where we lived now, only much nicer. There was a huge park across
the street, on the river. The road was small and quiet. There were no cars on it except
for the cab we’d just pulled up in. The building was new and modern.

“Come on!” She grabbed my wrist and ran toward the lobby. “I have a good feeling.”

The building looked almost like a hotel inside. Except nicer. The doorman nodded at us,
and I spotted our realtor standing near the elevator, where she said she would meet us.
Bella sped toward her, excited.

“You made it! I just went up and looked at it, and I think you’ll really love it. The
bedrooms are bigger than the last one, and there’s this huge wrap around balcony, and
it’s brand new! It hasn’t been lived in since they built this building. I mean, the building
is brand new, but this is really lucky because the penthouses are usually sold before-”

“Penthouse?” Bella asked me, interrupting as we stepped into the elevator. I just
shrugged. The realtor frowned and continued her babbling.

“Anyway, it’s so open and bright…” She hit the top button on the elevator and we rode
up, Bella glaring at me and shaking her head. I wasn’t cutting any corners when it came
to us buying a new place. I’d saved up for years, the studio had a good start, and I had
more then enough money to splurge a little bit.

The doors opened to a small landing, with two double doors. The realtor had left it
unlocked, so she pushed them open and Bella and I stood there, dumbfounded.

The realtors cell phone started going off, so she picked it up and pointed into the
apartment.

“I have to take this- go have a look. I’ll be right in.”

We walked hand and hand, staring at the space around us. The ceilings were high, there
were windows everywhere. It was bright, and open and clean and simple; modern, but
not excessively ostentatious. It had the same kind of feel as the loft, just a lot bigger,
and more closed off. There were three big bedrooms, and three bathrooms, and the
balcony was unbelievable. It wrapped around half of the apartment and had a skyline
view of the city on one side, and a view of the river on the other.

“Can I ask you something?” Bella asked me.

“Sure.”

“You said you don’t want to have kids ever. Why do we need so many bedrooms?”

“Maybe I changed my mind,” I told her, honestly. She smiled at me and blinked a few
times before she took a deep breath.

“Edward… I love it. Do you love it?”

“Yeah,” I said, nodding.

“Do you really love it, or are you just saying that because you’re tired of looking at
places?”

Bella pressed her face up against the window and stared outside.

“No, I really love it.”

“Okay, then we have to take it.” She hopped into my arms and squealed. “It’s a sign
right? Because today is when we met and that has to mean something- are you happy?”

“Yeah, of course I’m happy.”

It wasn’t a lie. I’d been clean for three months, not faltering once. I’d started my studio
and everything seemed good with it so far. I was finally starting to feel like myself
again. We’d had hard times, bad days, and a lot of struggling, but everything was falling
into place.

And it was all because of her.

My therapist told me that on average, 4 out of 5 people continued using heroin after
detoxing. I still hadn’t. The temptation had been there, and I’d thought about it plenty of
times, but the fact of the matter was that I knew if I ever went back, my life would be
over. I’d have no family there for me, no friends, no girlfriend. I’d probably be dead
within a year.

Waking up every morning and seeing Bella there next to me way enough to keep me
away forever. I planned on spending the rest of my life repaying her for all she’d done
for me. I guess it’s true what people say- that love conquers all. I made sure to thank
Bella repeatedly for coming into my life in the first place. For never letting me down.
For bringing out the best in me, even when I didn’t know it was in there. For making
my dim future suddenly bright. And most importantly, for loving me unconditionally
and never giving up on me. Because that love allowed my heart to overrule my head,
and in the end that was what saved me.

I don’t know what would’ve happened to me if she hadn’t come around. I don’t know if
I would’ve ever stopped using, or if I would’ve died, or what, but all I know is that I
wouldn’t be anything like I’d become. I had a group of friends that stuck by me through
everything. I was able to start my own business because I didn’t have any unnecessary
distractions. I had a new relationship with my parents that I didn’t think I ever
would’ve. But most importantly, I had her. I had a girlfriend- or soulmate, because
girlfriend and boyfriend didn’t hold a candle to the kind of connection we actually had-
that loved me no matter what and made me see that my life was worth living.

BPOV

We decided on that apartment. Edward called Carlisle to tell him about it and to ask his
advice, and we put in a bid.

We rushed back to our apartment so that we could shower and change, because we were
meeting everyone for dinner across town. It was a day of celebration for us; we were
honoring the fact that today was the day the six of us became a whole. My life before
moving in with Alice and Rosalie just seemed like a blur to me now. I was a different
person. I was strong, passionate, and resolute. I was eternally in love. Edward had given
my entire life a purpose.

Edward stepped out of the shower while I was rinsing out my hair. My phone started
ringing on the counter, so I asked him to answer it.

“Bella!” He pulled open the door and shut the water off. “It’s Alice.”

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the phone from his hand. “What Alice?”

“Are you almost ready? We have reservations!”

“I’m getting out of the shower now,” I told her. Edward wrapped a towel around me as I
stepped through the doors. “I’ll be ready soon.”

“Well, hurry up. Put Edward back on.”

I shrugged and handed him back the phone. He walked into the other room as I dried
my hair and quickly did my makeup. When I walked out, he was sitting on the edge of
the bed, dressed the same as always; his black t-shirt, jeans, and his Converse. It was
ridiculously simple, but that didn’t matter to me. My heart still beat out of my chest
whenever I looked at him.

I got dressed quickly and we jetted downstairs to get a cab, because we both knew better
then to piss off Alice when she made plans for a party. Edward said something to the
driver before we got in, and the cab started driving in the opposite direction of where
the restaurant was.

“Where are we going?” I asked him.

“I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes.”

“Huh?”

“Close them!” The last thing I saw was him smirking as I hesitantly shut my eyes. He
clasped his hands over them for the rest of the ride.

“I know how to keep my eyes closed, thanks.”

“Yeah, well, you’ll cheat. And you’ll ruin the surprise.”

The cab eventually stopped and we got out, Edward still not letting go. I didn’t know
where we were, but it was somewhere outdoors. All I heard were cars driving by.

“Okay,” Edward said as we stopped. “Stand right here.” He spun me back around to the
direction we’d just walked from. “Keep your eyes shut, okay? Don’t open them.”

He dropped his hands and I heard him shuffling around.

“Okay,” he said. “Open.”

My eyes shot open and I realized instantly where we were. The bridge. It was where
Edward had taken me on our first date, the day after I’d moved here. The sun was
almost down, and all the lights were turning on in the city. The sun cast a warm, orange
glow over the skyline and the river.

I didn’t see Edward. Until I felt his hand tap mine, and I tilted my head down, and he
was there, kneeling in front of me. My heart started thumping out of control and my
eyes filled with tears before he could even say anything. I saw him smile and nervously
open up the little velvet box.

“Bella, I-”

“Yes!”

Edward laughed and shook his head.

“You didn’t even let me say it!”

“I don’t care, yes!”

He slid the ring on my finger as I cried and jumped into his arms. I heard clapping
around us and then whistling and someone else crying. There was a flash of light from a
camera. When I turned around, the four of our friends were standing there, watching.

“You guys knew? Alice, why didn’t you tell me?”

“It was really hard for me not to,” she said, smiling and wiping a tear off her cheek.

I turned back around to Edward and hugged him again, and kissed him and cupped his
face in my hands. “You really want to marry me?”

“Yeah. Of course,” he said, smiling. “I’d go do it right now if we could.”

We made plans to go to City Hall the next day. Neither of us wanted a lavish wedding
or anything that went along with it; we just wanted each other. Officially and as soon as
possible.

After we left, we went to the restaurant for dinner and drinks. We sat outside on the
patio of the restaurant, around a small, round table. When I finished eating I climbed
into Edward’s lap, so that we could take a shot to celebrate our engagement. Edward
rarely drank anymore, out of fear he would slip into old habits, but he agreed to have
just the one drink with the rest of us.

Except Rosalie. She nixed her shot, and we all knew what that meant. She didn’t
mention it though, I think to avoid stealing the focus of the night away from Edward
and I, and I appreciated that.

After our shot, Alice was the first one to say something. “Are you sure you don’t want a
wedding?”

“I don’t want one. Do you?” I spun around and looked at Edward and he shrugged.

“I want whatever you want.”

“Well… can I at least buy you a dress? I won’t go overboard, I promise. We still get to
go to City Hall, right?”

Edward laughed and nodded at her. “Yes Alice.”

“You can get a dress. I don’t care,” I told her.

“So, you put a bid on the apartment?” Emmett asked Edward from across the table.

“Yeah. We’re definitely getting that one. You have to come and see it, it’s-”

“Amazing,” I finished, cutting Edward off.

“We can have a housewarming party,” Alice suggested, clapping her hands together
excitedly.

We laughed and nodded and then the table fell silent.

“I’m really happy for you guys,” Emmett said quietly, nodding at Edward.

“So am I,” Rosalie agreed.

“Me too,” Jasper and Alice said at the same time.

And then everything was quiet again, as the six of us sat and reflected upon the last year
of our life and how much everything had changed. There were fights between best
friends and siblings that seemed to tear them apart. There was a family split down the
middle, who’s members never really understood each other. There were drugs, and near
death experiences, and violence and there was endless amounts of pain.

But somehow, it had all been remedied, and although the scars would always be there,
inside of us, it was a beautiful reminder of how far we’d come, and how much we loved
each other. Because at a point, we were all willing to give all that we could of ourselves
for someone else, whether they were right or wrong, because our friendship, loyalty,
and love for each other was so resilient and powerful, we could do nothing else. We’d
hit rock bottom, and made our way back up, and although it was a battle that Edward
would be fighting for years to come, he knew that he wasn’t alone anymore, and there
was an important reason to keep going. Because he was loved, and he was worth it to all
of us.

When Edward and I got back to our apartment, he went and sat on the balcony. I ran to
the kitchen and pulled out one of the drawers to retrieve the envelope that I’d been
hiding from Edward. I walked out onto the balcony and sat down in the chair next to
him, and placed the thick envelope on his lap.

“So,” I said, smiling. “I was waiting for the right time to show you this, but I figured
today would be as good a time as any. We found an apartment, we got engaged, and…
Rose and Emmett are having a baby! Did you catch that?”

“Yeah,” he said, laughing. “I already knew.”

I rolled my eyes and pointed at the envelope.

“Well, anyway… open it!”

Edward raised an eyebrow and slid the stack out of the envelope. I could see the bold
letters on the top page from where I was sitting.

Heartache: A Memoir

His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to talk, and then looked down and started
reading through it.

“I found a publisher for it, but I wanted you to read it, and give me the okay because…
technically it’s your story.”

I sat there with Edward all night, until sunrise. He read through the entire thing in one
sitting. He laughed, and cried, and asked me questions about things he’d done that he
didn’t remember, and he apologized profusely.

The book was a sort of healing for both of us. After that day, we pushed what had
happened behind us, and focused on the prospect of our new life together. We got
married two days later, and never once have I regretted our past. Our story was far from
rainbows and sunshine every day, but real life rarely is.

We have bad days and good days, we argue and we make up, we weep at what he’d
been like before and smiled at what he’d become. We looked back on those days with
pity and sorrow, and embraced the fact that that was who we no longer were: broken,
and tied together in fear of losing each other. We were strong and unbreakable, and in
love with each other, and always would be.

We were together by choice and not by obligation. He was my life and I was his. It’d
been that way since the day we met, and that was something that would never change. I
stood by his side, and did what I had to do, because I always saw the person that was
there, underneath the sickness and the drugs and the pain. I’d fallen in love with him,
with his soul, and if I had to, I’d do everything all over again without a second thought,
to have the life with him that I do now. He would always be mine, and I’d always be
his, and together we had the power to make it through anything life brought us.
Together we’d always be happy.

*