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CherrieLynn

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Forallthoseseekingsolaceinthestruggle.

ChapterOne

SavannahDugasdidn’tthinkshe’deverseenabaldeagleinthewildbefore.Itwassomehowfittingthat
oneglidedaboverightnow,starkblackagainstanimpossiblybluesky.Shecoulddistinguishthe
magnificentcreature’swhiteheadfromthedarknessofitsbody,fromthemajesticspanofitswings.
Tommyhadlovedeagles.He’dhadahugetattooofoneonhisback,fierceandproud,wingsspreadso
widethatthetipsreachedeachofhisshoulders.

Shewouldneverseethattattooagain.
AsSavannahdroppedhergazefromtheeaglesoaringabovetoTommy’sbronzecasket,awashof

dizzinessovercameherandshethoughtforasecondthatshemightfaintorthrowup.Itwasnowonder;
she’dbarelyeatenforthreedays,butittookallherefforttoclampherjawclosedandfightthenausea
wellinginherthroat.Strong,shethought,Ihavetobethestrongone.Hermother’sclawlikefingersdug
hardintoherrightarm,andRowanleanedheavilyonherleft.Savannahknewthatifshecrumbledthe
otherwomenwouldcrumbletoo.ReginaDugashadlostason.RowanDugashadlosthercollege
sweetheart,husband,loveofherlife.

AndI’velostmybrother.
Theministerrambledon.Andon.Andon.Fromdustyoucame,todustyoumustreturn.Snifflesand

softcriessurroundedher.Savannahcouldn’tlookawayfromthebrightsprayofflowerssurrounding
Tommy’scasket.Asshestared,thecolorsblurredandbledtogether.Hewouldn’thavelikedthem,she
thought.Hewouldn’thavelikedthissmall,private,press-freememorialserviceatthefamilytomb.
Tommyhadbeenlargerthanlife—maybesolargethatlifecouldn’tholdontohim,andshewascertainhe
would’veratherhadajazzfuneralorakegpartyforhissend-off.Butohno,thatwould’vebeentoofar
beneaththeDugasfamily’sdignity.

Herbigbrother.Goneforever.
Tuningeveryoneoutagain,sheglancedbackuptowatchtheeagle.MaybeitwasTommypeekingin

onhisownmemorialservice.Usually,shewasn’tgiventosuchsentiment,butitwasanicethought.I
knowyou’reprobablydisappointed,shethoughttohim,closinghereyes.Sorry.Itried.Maybeeveryone
wouldthinkshewassearchingtheheavensforanswers,butshewasonlywishingshecouldflyawaytoo.

Atugonherleftarmbroughtherbackdowntoearthinahurry.WhereReginabelievedinmaintaining

dignityinallsituations,Rowanwascurrentlybeyondallreason,sobbinginconsolably,swayinginto
Savannah’sside.Shekeptherfaceburiedinawadofpristinewhitetissues,mufflingtheanguished
soundstearingfromherthroat.People’sheadswereturningintheirdirection,facestear-streakedand
sympathetic.

SavannahputanarmaroundRowan’squiveringshouldersandpulledhercloser,murmuringsoft,

soothingnonsense.God,whichwasworse?Herowngrieforwitnessingthatofsomeonewhoseentire
worldhadfallenapart?

WhenRowanlurchedforward,nearretching,Savannahsteeredherawayfromthecryptbeforeshe

couldthrowup,orworse,flingherselfontopofTommy’scasketandcreateaspectacle.Shefelteyeson
theirbacksasshehelpedhersister-in-lawawayfromtheserviceanddownasmallhilltoastonebench
wellremovedfromTommy’sperfumedmourners.Herfeetpracticallypurredinreliefasshesat.Bathed
inthewarmsunlightandsurroundedbythecryptsandmausoleumstypicalofNewOrleanscemeteries,

Savannahcouldn’tsayshefeltanybetter,butatleastshecouldbreatheagain.

“Thanks,”Rowansaidwhenshecouldcatchabreath.“Icouldn’ttakeanotherminuteofthat.”
“Meeither.”SavannahswipedawayafewtendrilsofRowan’sblondhairthathadbecomestuckin

herrelentlesstears,thenglancedupward.Theeaglewasstillthere,circling.“Lookupthere.”

Sniffling,Rowanobeyed,suckinginasmallquiveringbreath.“Oh,wow.”
“Iknow.It’sbeenuptherealmostthewholetime.”
“IwaswithTommywhenhegothistattoo,”Rowansaidsoftly,watchingthebirdglidelazilyonthe

breezeanddabbingathereyeswiththetissue.“Everysession.Hewassoproudofit.Ialwaysgripedat
himaboutalloftheeaglestuffwehadinthehouse,alwayswantedhimtomoveitalltohismancave.
Damneaglesineveryroomofthehouse.”Shechuckledsadly.“IknowI’llnevergetridofthemnow,
though.WhatthehellamIgoingtodo,Savvy?”

You’regoingtogetupandyou’regoingtogoon,evenifitdoesn’tfeellikeitrightnow.She

couldn’tverywellsaythat.“You’llbeokay.Youknowwe’reallhereforyou.Nothingwillchangethat.”

“Ifeellikethisisallanightmare.Ikeepwaitingtowakeup.Prayingto.”
“Iwishitwere,Ro.Butwe’rebothinit.We’reallinit.”
“SorryifIwasmakingascene.”
“Youweren’t.”
“Ijust...God!Ihadabadfeelingaboutthatfight.ItoldhimIdid,andIcan’tstopthinkingaboutthe

wayhelaughedmeoff.”

“Helaughedyouoffbecauseyouhadbadfeelingsbeforeallofhisfights.Neitherofuslikedit.Mom

hadtosedateherselfeverytimehesteppedinthecage.”

“Thistimewasdifferent,though.Didn’tyoufeellikeitwasdifferent?”Rowan’sgreeneyessearched

Savannah’sbeseechingly.

“Ireallydidn’t,Ro.Nomorethanusual.Youneversaidanythingtomeaboutit.”
“Iknow.Ionlytoldhim.”Shelookedupattheskyagain.“Thinkit’shimsayinggoodbye?”
Savannahshrugged.She’dhadthethoughtherself,butitseemedsillynow.Thetruthprobably

wouldn’tmakeRowanfeelanybetter,though.“Maybeso.”

“IfMikeLarsonwerehererightnow,I’dspitinhisface.”
Andthereitwas,thesamehateandblameSavannahhadbeenhearingthrownaroundsincethenightof

Tommy’sill-fatedMMAfightwiththenumber-onerankedcontenderpoisedtochallengetheheavyweight
champion.

WhileRowanmightbebraveenoughtospitinLarson’sface,Savannahwasn’tsosureherself.His

scowlalonecouldmakethebloodruncold;shecouldn’timagineinsultingtheman.Duringallofthe
prefightpress,shehadobservedhissullen,ice-blueeyes,arrogantswagger,andswollenmusclesand
beendamngladshedidn’thavetofighthim.Shehadn’tadmittedittoanyoneatthetime,butshe’dfelta
littlesorryforTommyhavingtogetinthecagewithhim.

“Heclaimsitwasafreakaccident,”shesaidsoftly.Inthepostfightinterviews,she’dnoticedsomeof

theicinesshadmeltedfromLarson’seyes.Someofthegravelhadsmoothedoutinhisvoice;he’dlooked
sorry.Soundedsorry.She,atleast,wantedtobelievehewassorry,whileRowanwantedsomeoneto
blamesoshedidn’thavetofeellikefatewouldbesocruelastoyankTommyawayfornoreason
whatsoeverintheprimeofhislife.

Thefightthatcouldmakehiscareer,he’dsaid.He’dtrainedsohard.Ifonlyhe’dknownitwouldend

hislife—well,knowinghim,heprobablystillwouldhavetakentherisk.Thematchhadn’tbeenone-
sided;Tommyhadgivenasgoodashegot,atleastinthebeginning.She’dhadhope.She’dbeensoproud.
Butwhenhe’dbeguntorunoutofsteaminthethirdround,she’dseenit,andthenattheend...withone

devastatinglyplacedblowtothehead...

Subduralhematoma,thedoctorshadsaid.Bleedinginthebrain.He’dbeenknockedoutcold,buthe’d

regainedconsciousnessonlytocollapseagainatcageside.Afterthat,hehadn’tbeenabletofighthisway
backtothem.

Shecouldn’tletherselfthinkaboutthosechaoticfewminutestoomuch,orshewouldbeinworse

shapethanRowan.Onethingwasforcertain:shedidn’tthinkshecouldeverwatchanotherfightagain.

Suckingadeepbreathandlockingdownhardonthosememories,sheabsentlystrokedRowan’sback

andstaredatthedistantmourners.God,wouldthatpreachereverstoppreaching?Itwasallashowto
coverthefactthateverythingTomAllenDugaswas,everythinghehadbeenorwouldeverbe,wasgone,
reducedtoanameontheplaqueonthefamilytomb.Nothingtotellofhisaccomplishmentsorhispassion
orhisloveforthewomansittingbesideSavannahrightnow.

“Anaccident,”Rowanscoffed.Shedidn’telaborate,butRowanknewherthoughtswellenough.
Thisparticulartruthdefinitelywouldn’tmakeRowanfeelbetter,butSavannahgaveittoheranyway.

“Whatelsecouldithavebeen?Surelyyoudon’tthinkhedidthisdeliberately?”

“Thereisn’tatinybitofyouthatrealizesTommywouldstillbehereifnotforhim?”
“Yeah,butRowan...Tommygotinthecage.Hetookontherisk.IsawLarsonasbloodyasTommy

was.AllIsawweretwomentryingtowinafight.”

“Youcanwin,”Rowansaidbitterly,“withoutpummelingtheotherguytodeath.”
Savannahfellsilent.Itwasuseless,andsheguesseditdidn’treallymatter.WhatevermadeRowan

feelbetter,well,that’swhatshecouldbelieve.Besides,Savannahhadlookedawaythemomentthings
hadgonebadlyforTommy,asalways.Seeingsomeoneshelovedtakepunishmentlikethathadalways
beendifficultforher.Thankfully,forthatreason,shehadn’tseenthefinalmoments.Sheneverwantedto
seethem—ever.Larsonhadbeencleared,Tommy’sdeathruledaccidental.Thatwasallsheknewandall
shehadtokeeptellingherself.

Sosheletthesubjectdrop.“Areyoufeelinganybetter?”
“Alittle.Ican’tgobackoverthere,though.Canwesithereuntilit’sover?”
“Soundswonderfultome.”
“Thankyou,Savannah.Iloveyou.”RowannestledherheadonSavannah’sshoulder.Savannahheld

her,strokingherarm,andglancedupatthesky.Theeaglewasgone.

Itwasoftensaidtherewasnothingmoredepressingthanafuneralintherain.MikeLarsonbeggedto
differ.

Itwasfarmoredepressing,hethought,fortheskytobeblueandcloudlessabove,forthebirdstobe

singingfromhighperchesintreesbuddedwithnewspringtimelife,whilethegroupofmournersdownthe
hillstoodasiffrozeninwintrygrief.

Heknewhowthatfelt.Fortheearthtodaretokeeponspinningwhileyouwerefallingapart.
“Thisain’tthetime,man,”hisbrothersaid.“Ikeeptellingyou.Youcan’tcrashafamily’sprivate

memorialservice.Itjustisn’tdone.”

MikeglancedoveratZaneandnodded.“Iknow.You’reright.”Sincelearningabouttheservice,he’d

hadthedriving,irresistibleurgetoshowup,dosomething,atleastsaysomething,butnowthathewas
here...whatwastheretodoorsay?TommyDugaswasdownthereinacasket,abouttobe—well,
whatevertheywereabouttodotohim.Hecouldn’treallytell,asthefamilywasgatheredaroundthe
openingofwhatlookedlikeamarblemausoleum.BackhomeinHouston,Dugaswould’vebeenburiedin
theground.ButrightnowMikeandhisbrotherstoodamongdozensofsimilarstructurestotheone

surroundedbythefamily,somewithelaboratestatuesandcarvings,someplain,somepristine,some
weathered,allsituatedlikehousesalongnarrowstreets.Buthoweveranyonelookedatit,andwherever
Dugaswasgoing,Mikewasresponsibleforputtinghimthere.Hewasthelastfuckingpersonthefamily
wouldwanttolayeyesonrightnow,orever.

“Thenwhyarewehere?Thisplaceiscreepingmeout.Iseewhytheycallthemcitiesofthedead.”

DarksunglassesshieldedZane’seyesandhislongblackhairwastuckedupintoaballcap,hisstandard
disguisewhenhewentoutinpubliceventhoughMikealwaysjokinglytriedtoassurehimhewasn’tthat
famous.Factwas,though,withhitsinglesontheradioandsmackinthemiddleofasold-outUS–
Canadiantour,thekidmightverywellgettakendownbyfangirlsanywherehewent.

“Idon’tknow.”
“Thencanwego?”
Mightaswell.Mikeshouldhaveknownhe’dgetallthewayouthereandpunkout.FacingTommyin

thefightingcagehadbeenonething.There,Mikewasincontrolofhisfateandnooneelse.Facing
Tommy’sgrievingfamilywasanothermatterentirely.Wordshadneverbeenhisstrongpoint.“Gosing
yoursongs.Ididn’taskyoutocomehere.”Zane’stourstophappenedtobeinNewOrleanstonight,but
whenMikehadcalledhimtotellhimhewasflyingoverfromHouston,hisbrotherinsistedoncoming
alongtothecemetery...mostlytotalkhimoutofwhateverhewasgoingtodo.

WhatamIgoingtodo?Apparently,hewasn’tgoingtodoshit.
Zanecheckedhiswatch.“Idoneedtogoforsoundcheck.Youstayingover?”
Itwasn’tlikehehadanythingelsetodo.“Mightaswell.”
“Cool.Let’sgo.”ZaneturnedtoleadMikebacktotheblackEscaladethey’dcommandeeredbackat

theconcertvenue.“Imightevenletyouhaveoneofmygroupies.Youlookkeyedup.”

“Youknowthat’snotmystyle.”Ifhewaskeyedup,itwasbecausehe’dcomeallthewayoutherejust

tolosehisnerve.Butwhatdidyousaytothefamilyyou’ddestroyed?I’msorry?Jesus.

JustastheywereabouttoroundacornerandlosesightofTommy’smourners,though,Mikenoticed

twowomenbreakawayfromtheothers—oneofthempracticallyholdingtheotherup—anddisappear
betweentwoglaringlywhiteabovegroundcrypts.Hewasagooddistancefromthemandhe’donlycaught
aglimpse,buthethoughtherememberedthembothfromfrontrowatthefight.Theonewhohadbarely
beenabletowalkwaspetiteandblond,theothertall,willowy,anddarkhaired.“Hey,justaminute,”he
toldhisbrother,notevenwaitingforZane’sresponse.Hetrottedinthedirectionthegirlshadgone,butof
courseZanewasrightonhisheels.Suchhadbeenthecaseeversincethelittleshitwasborn.

“Whatisit?”
“Twogirlswhowereattheservice.Ithinktheywereatthefighttoo.Theymightbeleaving.”
“Thenit’snotanyonewho’drelishseeingyourfacerightnow.”
Maybenot,butfacingtwowaslessdauntingthanfacingmany,andmaybehecouldgetafeelforthe

situation.Hehadtotry,damnit;hefeltaresponsibilitytobehere.Toseetheanguishhe’dcausedup
close.Didn’thedeservethatmuch,atleast?Ifallthosegirlswantedtodowasrageandcurseathim,
didn’thedeservethattoo?

Asusual,Zaneseemedtoreadhismind.“Don’tletyourguiltgoadyouintodoingsomethingyou’ll

regret,dude.You’repunishingyourselfenough,don’tletthempunishyouontopofit.Itwasn’tyourfault
andyouknowit.Itwasjustshitluck.”

Shitluckwasallhe’deverknown,andapparentlyhecouldn’tshakeit.Whenhe’dmadeanamefor

himselfintheMMAcage,he’dthoughtmaybehe’dfinallyleftthebadtimesbehind,thatfortunewould
smileonhimatlast.Butshitluckhadn’tforgottenhisnameafterall,andwhateverhappenedwhenhe
cameface-to-facewiththosewomen,Zanedidn’tneedtowitnessittoo.

“Idon’tneedbackup,”hesnappedathisbrother.
“Well,you’vegotit.”
Great.Hecouldn’tworryabouthimrightnow,though;histargethadreappeared.Theyweresittingon

abench,andashewatched,theblondeleanedintotheotherone,layingherheadonthebrunette’s
shoulder.Shetippedherheadbacktolooksearchinglyatthesky,revealingthelong,gracefullinesofher
neck,andthecloserhegot,themoreentrancedhebecame.Aweekagoshebeennothingmorethan
anotherstrickenfaceamidthechaos,butnowhesawshehadalovely,classicprofile,andherchestnut
hairshimmeredinthesunlightinawayithadn’tunderthestadiumlights.Shit,shewasbeautiful.He
almostforgotwhyhewasthere...butthenhergazeflickeredtohim.

Eyeswidening,sheshotupfromthebench,apparentlyforgettingtheothergirlwho’dbeenleaningon

her.Herjawworkedbutnosoundscameout.

Theblondedidn’thavethatproblem.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”shedemanded,strugglingtoher

feet.“Howdareyou—”

“Rowan,please,”thedark-hairedwomansaid.Hervoicewassoft,somehowaswarmasthesunlight

eveninthisterrible,awkwardsituation,anditquietedRowanimmediately.God,whoareyou?Mike
wondered.

“Ladies,”heventured,noticingthetear-stainedcheeks,thesadeyes,thedown-turnedmouths.Allhis

fault.“Ijustneededtocometellyou,yourfamily...I’msorryforyourloss.”

“I...Savannah,Ican’t.”ThewomannamedRowanputahandtohermouthandstalkedaway.Mike

watchedheruntilshewasgone,feelingdesolate,andnoticedthatZanehadbeenbusywatchinghergo,
too.Helplessly,heswunghisgazebacktotheotherone.Savannah.

“Ishouldgoafterher,”shesaid,takingafewstepstodoso.
“Wait.Please.”Mikeputahandoutbutstoppedshortoftouchingher.“Imightbecrazyforbeinghere.

Iknowit’sthewrongtime.Ijustwantedtoknowifthere’sanything...”Hedrewabreath.“AnythingI
cando.”

Savannahpulledherfulllipsbetweenherteethastearswelledinhereyes.Shewipedatthem,every

movementseemingfrustrated.“Ithinkyoudidenough.”

“Youhavetoknowthatwasnotmyintention.”
Hereyebrowsrose.“Ihaveto?”
Shit.Hesuckedatthis.“No,IonlymeanIhopeyouunderstand.Maybeyoucan’trightnow,Idon’t

know.Idon’tevenknowwhoyouare,IjustwantedTommy’sfamilytoknowI’msorry.”

“Tommywasmybigbrother.Thewomanyoujustscaredawaywashiswife.Theyhadonlybeen

marriedacoupleofyears.Sheseesyourfaceinhernightmares.There’snothingyoucouldeverdothat
wouldevencomeclosetoreplacingwhatshe’slost.”

“Iknow,”hetoldher.Hecouldseetheresemblancebetweenthesiblingsnow:thedarkhair,dark

eyes,chiseledfeatures.“IseeTommy’sfaceinmynightmarestoo.”

SomethingsoftenedinSavannah’sexpression.ZaneclappedahandonMike’sshoulder,alet’sgetthe

helloutofheregesture.Hislittlebrotherhadbeenrightallalong;heshouldn’thavecome.Hegave
SavannahanodandturnedtoheadbacktotheEscalade.

Asimple,soft“Wait”behindhimstoppedhiminhistracks.Helookedback.Shecastaglanceatthe

restofherfamily,thentookafewstepsforwardtoclosemuchofthedistancebetweenthetwoofthem.
Thisclose,hecouldsmellher:afainthintofsomethingsweetandmysterious.Thisclose,hecouldsee
thatherhaircaughtafewreddishhighlightsinthesun.“Wouldyoumeetmesomewherelater?Forcoffee?
Ifyoureallywanttotalk,I’lllisten.”Reliefrushedthroughhim,thoughthedirectwayshelookedathim
madehisheartdostrangethings.Itwasasifshecouldstripthroughhismindlayerbylayer,exposingthe

truthsatthecore.Shewaswelcometothem,butshemightnotlikewhatshewouldfind.

“Iwouldloveto,Savannah.Younametheplace.Thisisn’tmytown.”
“Coffeeandbeignets,then.CaféDuMonde,twohours?”
“Worksforme.Andthankyou.”
“I’lllisten,butIcan’tpromiseanythingmorethanthat,”shesaidwarningly.Outofthecornerofhis

vision,hesawthecongregationbegintobreakup.Shenoticedthedirectionhewaslookingandglanced
over.“Ihavetogo.IfyouthinkRowanandIwereroughonyou,you’dreallybettergetoutofherebefore
mymotherseesyou.”

NowZanewastuggingathiminearnest.Withoutanotherword,Savannahturnedtogobacktoher

family.ZanepracticallyhadtodragMikeawayfromthesightofher—theswayofherhipswas
mesmerizing.

“Feelbetternow,dumbass?”ZaneaskedasthetwoofthemhustledtothewaitingEscalade.
“Sheisfuckingincredible.”
“Oh,Jesus,man.No.”
Mikewavedhimtosilence.“Don’tworry.Iknow.”

ChapterTwo

Luckily,nooneexceptSavannahandRowanhadnoticedtheirunexpectedguests,andSavannahhoped
Rowancouldbeconvincedtokeepthatencounterasecretfornow.Savannahwasn’tonehundredpercent
certainhowherparentswouldtakethenewsofMichaelLarsonshowingupatTommy’smemorial,but
shehadenoughofanidea.Shedidn’twanttowitnessanytiradestheinformationmighttrigger,especially
sinceshewasmeetingthemanforcoffeelater.

Yeah,whereinthehellhadthatcomefrom?
Shedidn’tknow,butgutinstincttoldhertohearhimout.He’dtraveledhere,apparently—thoughshe

couldn’trememberfromhisstatswherehewasfrom,he’dsaidNewOrleanswasn’thistown.Sohe’d
caredenoughtosearchoutTommy’shomeandfuneralarrangementssomehow.Theinformationhadn’t
beenbroadcastnationwide,andthey’ddonetheirbesttokeepitprivate.

RowanwaitedbesideSavannah’sparents’pearl-whiteBMW,armscrossed,headlowered,butat

leastsheseemedcomposed.“Ican’tbelievethatjusthappened,”shesaidasSavannahapproached.

“Whathappenedtospittinginhisface?”ShenudgedRowan’sarmwithherelbow,earningtheghost

ofasmile.

“Well!HewasthelastpersonIexpectedtosee.”
“Iknow.Metoo.But,Rowan,heseemsreallyremorseful.Woulditmakeyoufeelbetterto—”
“No,”Rowansaid,shakingherhead.“No.Notnowandprobablynotever.”
Sighing,Savannahnodded.“Iunderstand.”Lookedlikeshewasgoingtohavetokeephercoffee

meetingasecretfromhersister-in-law,too.Slippingawayfromthemallinacoupleofhourswould
probablybenoeasyfeatevenifshedidthinkshewouldenjoythetimeaway.

Itwasn’tthatherfamilydrovehernuts.Theydroveherfreakinginsane.
AndMichaelhimself...
He’dbeennothinglikesheexpected,thoughtobefairshehadn’tknownwhattoexpect,hadn’tever

thoughtshewouldcomeface-to-facewithhim.Allshe’dseenofhimbeforethefightwashisglowering,
barkingthreatsandtaunts.SheknewhewasMichael“Larceny”Larson,butinhisearlyfightingcareer
he’dalsobeencalledthe“RedReaper”becauseofatattooofthegrimreaperonhischest,doneinred
insteadofblack.ThatnicknamehadmadeabitofacomebacksinceTommy’sdemise.

Hehadclose-cutbrownhair,asquarejawshadowedwithstubble,fulllips,thecheekbonesofa

movievillain,andofcoursethosecoldblueeyes.Healsostillsportedafewcutsandbruisesfromthe
fightwithTommy.Somehowthathadtakenherbreathawaymorethanthesightofhimstridingtowardher
—thathestillworetheremnantsofTommy’slastactsonthisearth.

Yes,hisappearancesheknew.Itwashisdemeanorthathadthrownheroffguard.Heseemed...

gentler.Evenmoresonowthaninhisremorsefulpostfightinterviews.

Ifamanthatsizecouldbegentle.God.Eventhejeansandlong-sleevedblackshirthe’dbeenwearing

couldn’tconcealtheswellofhismuscles.Tommyhadbeenabigguytoo,butsomethingaboutMichael’s
sizewasoverwhelming,intimidating.Heworeitlikearmoragainsttheworld,butithadn’thiddenthe
desperationinhisexpression.Therehadbeennoresisting;shehadtohearhimout.

“Let’snottellMomandDadheshowedup.Idon’tknowhowtheywouldtakeit.”
“Ido.Andyoudon’thavetoworryaboutmetellingthem.Hehadnorighttocomehere.”

“Ifhefeltlikeheneededtosaysomethingtous,thenthisprobablywouldhavebeenhisonly

opportunity.”Shewouldfindoutmorewhenshemetwithhimlater.Theideagaveheranoddsenseof
flutteringinherstomach.Notexcitement—itwouldbeobscenetofeelexcitementatatimelikethis.
Curiosity.Onlycuriosity.Shewaswillingtogivehimthebenefitofthedoubtevenifnooneelsewas.

“There’snojusticeinthisworldorthesituationwouldbereversed.”
“Rowan,”Savannahsnapped.“That’saterriblethingtosay.You’reupset;youdon’treallymeanthat.”
Rowanonlyshookherheadhardinresponse,asifshewasdonewiththewholeconversation.
SoSavannahletherbedone,staringsilentlyacrossthecemetery,lostinthought.Shesearchedthesky

forhereagleagain,buthewaslonggone,andsoonenoughherparentsappeared.Hermother’seyeswere
dampandsheclutchedherwhitehandkerchieftoherchestwhileherdadhelpedherupthehill,talland
handsomeinhisdarksuitandwithhissalt-and-pepperhair.Savannahmovedtohermother’sotherside
andtookherarm.Shedidn’tneedtoaskifReginawasokay.Noneofthemwere,andwouldn’tbefora
longtime.

“Oh,honey,”Reginasaid,leavingtheiraidtowrapRowaninatighthug.“Iknowthatwassohardfor

you.Weloveyousomuch.”

“Iloveyoutoo,Mom.”RowanhadcalledRegina“Mom”almostsincetheymet.Herownmotherhad

diedwhenshewassixteen,herdadthreeyearslaterinacaraccident.AndnowTommy.Reallyitwasno
wonderbitternesshadstartedtocreepintoRowan’sheart,butSavannahhopeditwouldn’ttakerootthere
andconsumeherentirely.Shewasasweetperson;shedidn’tdeservethis.

OnceReginaandRowanweretuckedawayinthecar,Savannahkissedherdadonthecheekand

huggedhim.CharlesDugashadbeenstoicasalwaysthroughthisentireordeal,butshesawthepainhe
triedtohidefromthemall.“Loveyou,Daddy.”

“Loveyoutoo.Areyoucomingtothehouse?”
Shehadcomehereinherowncar,thankGod.“I’llbebylater.I’mjustgoingtogohomeforalittle

while,unwind.”

Intheirmutualdislikeforridiculousshowsofceremony,sheknewhewouldunderstandthat.One

cornerofhismouthtiltedup.“Ifigured.Butyoubecareful,okay?”Andthehalfsmilevanishedasifit
hadneverbeen.“You’reallwe’vegot.”

“Oh,Dad.”Shegrabbedhiminafiercehugagain,feelinghissmooth-shavencheekagainstherown

andsmellingtheaftershavehe’dwornforaslongasshecouldremember.Itmadeherwishshewerelittle
again.Carefree.Happy.“I’mnotgoinganywhere.”

Mikewasn’tsurewhathe’dexpectedofthefamouslittlecoffeeshoponDecatur,butthisreallywasn’tit.
Onsuchabeautifulday,thepatronswereoutindroves,andthecoveredoutdoorareawasfullunderits
greenandwhite–stripedawning.Theindoorareadidn’tlookanylesscrowded.Thesmell,though,was
heavenly:coffeeandsugar.Generallyheavoidedbothwithfewexceptions.Buttodaydefinitelycalled
foranexception.

Nowheredidheseealovelyheadofshimmeringdarkhair,though.Hewasearly,sincehe’dhada

coupleofhourstokill.Zanehaddroppedhimoffimmediatelyafterleavingthecemeterysincehehadto
gettosoundcheckandwouldn’thaveanotheropportunitytogetawaybeforetheconcert.Mikehad
strolledaimlesslyandtakeninsomesightsbeforemeetingSavannah.JacksonSquarewasbeautifulinfull
bloom,andstreetmusiciansplayedbluesytuneswhilehorse-drawncarriagesclatteredby.Sofar,New
Orleanswashiskindofplace:laid-back,mysteriousandhaunted.HisyoungestbrotherDamienalways
sangitspraises,too—DamienspentalmostasmuchtimehereashedidathisranchoutsideofHouston,

hisnightclub,ortheglitteringcasinosofLasVegas.Hell,hemightevenbeherenow.Mikehadn’ttalked
tohiminawhile.He’dhavetomakeanotetodothat.

Lifewasprecious.
“Beenherelong?”avoiceaskedbehindhim.HeturnedtoseeSavannahrightbehindhim.Shehadn’t

changedfromherdarkfuneralattire,butlargesunglassesshieldedhereyesnowandshe’dputherlong
hairupinaknotwhileoneloosetendrilteasedatthecornerofherrighteye.Helongedtobrushitaway.

“Justacoupleofminutes,”hesaid.“Thanksforcoming.”
Nodding,shewalkedpasthimandapproachedthewindow,placinganorderforcaféaulaitandsix

beignets.Hejumpedforwardtopay,insistingthoughsheprotested.Bythetimetheyweredone,oneofthe
roundwhitetableshadclearedandhepulledoutthemetalchairforSavannahtositin.

“So,”shesaid,pushinghersunglassestothetopofherhead.“Ifthisisn’tyourtown,whatis?”
“Houston.”
“Didyoudriveoverorfly?”
“Iflew.BythetimeIfoundoutaboutthefuneral,Ididn’thavebutafewhourstogethere.Iwaslucky

togetaseat.”

“Howdidyoufindoutaboutthefuneral?”
“Mymanager.DamnifIknowhissources.”
Hergazedroppedtothetableandshewipedabsentlyataspotofpowderedsugarleftbythepeople

whohadbeentherebefore.Hetooktheopportunitytostudyher,noticingshedidn’twearmuchmakeup—
whetherthatwasbychoiceorshe’dcrieditallaway,hehadnowayofknowing.Hereyeswereonlythe
faintestbitbloodshot,andspotsofcolorburnedhighonhercheeks.Herlipswerefullbutdown-turned.
Somehowheknewthatmouthcouldgivebeautifulsmiles.Hewouldlovetoseeone,thoughthatmight
neverhappenasthingswere.

“I’msorry,”shesaidsoftly,andhehadtostraintohearheroverthesurroundingconversations.He

wantedtoyellateveryonetoshutthefuckup;hedidn’twanttomissasinglewordshesaid.“Idon’t
knowhowtofeelaboutthis.”

“Itwasn’tagoodideaformetoshowuplikethat.Iknewitandmybrotherkepttellingme,too.Ijust

didn’tknowhowelsetogetintouchwithanyofyou.”

“Yourmanagercouldn’tfindout?”
“Well...hissourceswouldonlydivulgesomuch,itseems.”
“SothatwasyourbrotherwithyouandnotaCIAoperative.”
Hechuckled.“Yeah.Zane.Hewasindisguise.He’sactuallyintownforaconcert.”
“Aconcert?”
“Yeah,ashardasitisformetobelieve,he’safamousrockstarnow.”
Savannah’ssmooth,palebrowfurrowedandshesatupstraighter.“Waitaminute.Yourbrother...

Thatwas...?”

“Thatwasindeed.”
“ZaneLarson.OfAugustonFire.Isyourbrother?Imean,ofcourse,youhavethesamelastname—

whydidIneverputthattogether?OhmyGod.Mysister-in-lawwouldhavefreakedoutifshehadn’tbeen
tooupsettonotice.Sheloveshim.”

“MaybeIshouldhaveintroducedhim.Probablywasn’tagoodtime,though.”
“No,shewould’vebeenmortified.”
Mikehadtochuckleatherastonishment,thensatbackastheirorderwasplacedonthetable.Oncethe

serverleft,hewatchedhertakeasiphercoffee.Eventhroughhergrief,thepleasureshetookintherich
tastewasapparent.Hesampledisownandinstantlyfellinlovewithit.“We’reactuallyhalf-brothers,but

wetookourmother’smaidenname.Let’sjustsaynoneofusareonthebestoftermswithourdads.”

“Noneofyou?”
“Ihaveanotherhalf-brother,Damien.”
“Oh.”Herslenderfingersslowlyturnedhercoffeecuparoundandaround.Hecouldonlyimagine

whatshemustbethinking,butforsomereasonshemadehimwanttotalk.Andthatwasararething.“It
wasonlymeandTommyinmyfamily.Andnowit’sjustme.”

Butthatremarkwaslikeaknifeinthechest,suckingthenewwindoutofhissails.Whattosay?

Parroting“I’msorry”everyfewminutesseemedridiculouslyworthlessandineffective.Onlywords.

“Savannah,ifthere’sanythingIcando,nameit.”Andthosewereonlywordstoo.Forsomereasonhe

couldn’tsaythemenough.Theurgetoreachoverandtakeherhandwasalmostirresistible,thoughhe
managed.

“Ireallydon’tthinkthereis.Iappreciateyoureachingouttous,butIthinkitwasbestthatRowanand

Istoppedyouwhereyouwere.Icanconveyanymessagesyouwanttosend,ifyouwanttosendthem.”

“They’reyourfamily,soyouknowthembest.ShouldIevenbother?”
Herwordswerebluntbutgentle.“Probablynot.”
“Whateveryouthink.Ionlywantedtomaketheeffort.”
“Thattookalotofcourage,I’msure.”
Mikeblewoutabreath.Shehadnoidea.Ithadtakenmorecouragethananyfighthe’deverbeenin—

andhe’dbeeninahellofalotevenbeforehebecameaprofessional.

“Ididn’tseeit,”shesaid,andhethoughtatfirsthe’dmisheardher.Hescootedhischairalittle

closer.She’dbarelytouchedherbeignets,butforthatmatter,hehadn’ttouchedhiseither.

“Thefight?Ithoughtyouwerethere.WhenIfirstsawyouatthecemetery,IthoughtIrecognizedyou.”
“Iwasthere.ImeanIlookedaway.Icouldn’twatchonceitwasobvioushewasdone.Inevercould.”

Hergazeflickeredovertohishandswheretheyrestedonthetable.Thenhereyesfilledwithtearsand
sheshovedherchairback.“Ishouldgo.”

“Savannah,wait—”
“Thisistoohardrightnow.I’vetriedbutIcan’t.Pleaseunderstand.”
Somethinginhimdeflatedanddied.Hesatbackasshestood.“Iunderstand.”
“I’msureyou’reagoodperson,youhavetobetocomeallthiswayandtrytomakethingsright.But

youcan’trightnow.”

“I’mafuckinghorribleperson.”
Thatfrozeherinthemiddleofshoulderingherpursestrap.“Why?Didyoukillmybrotheron

purpose?”

“No.”
“Yousaidsomereallyshittythingsbeforethefight.”
“Sodidhe.”
“Buthe’stheonewhodied.”
“I’mnotgoingtomakeyoubelievewhatkindofpersonIambytellingyou.SoImightaswellgive

youwhatyouandyourfamilywanttohear.I’manevil,inhumanbastard.Goaheadandtellthem.”

“Areyouactuallypissedatmerightnow?”
“Notatall.”Hestoodfromhisownchair,toweringoverher.“IjustknowI’llneverconvinceyouof

howsorryIam,sinceyou’renotgivingmeanywayofdoingso.”

“Ihearyou.That’senough.Ifyouwanttoconvincemethatyou’resorry...gobacktoHouston,letus

grievemybrother,andtrynottoputanotherfamilyinoursituationthenexttimeyoufight.”Sheturnedto
go.

“Theremightnotbeanexttime,”hesaidtoherback.Shestoppedaftertwosteps,lookingbackover

hershoulderathim.

Heshrugged,glancingawayundertheweightofherheavygaze.“Thinkingaboutretiring.Idon’t

knowyet.”Afteramoment,hereconnectedwiththoseassessingdarkeyes.“WhatdoyouthinkTommy
woulddo?IfIwastheonegoinginthegroundrightnowinsteadofhim,wouldhequit?Wouldhekeep
going?”

Tohisamazement,sheletherpurseslipfromhershoulderandreclaimedherseat.Hetookhisown.

“Tommywouldn’tquit,”sheadmitted.“Hewasneverinasituationlikethat,butIknewhim.Hewould
neverquit.Helovedittoomuch.”Sighing,shefinallypulledapartoneofherbeignetsandtookabite,
lickingthepowderedsugarfromherfingerswithaswipeofherpinktongue.

Andthatunleashedallkindsofinappropriateimagesinhishead.
Evil,inhumanbastard.Sheprobablythoughtyouwerejokingbutlittledoessheknow.Her

brother’snotyetcoldinhisgravebecauseofyou,andyou’rethinkingoffuckingher.

“Iloveittoo,”hesaid,divertinghisattentionbacktohiscoffee.“ItwastheonlythingIwasever

goodat,butIhadtobe.Mybrothersdependedonmeforit.Mymotherdidtoo,morethanonce.SoI
decidedImightaswellmakealivingatit.”Hedidn’tknowwhyhefelttheneedtotellheraboutthe
rottedskeletonsinhiscloset.Maybetomakehersee,makeherunderstandthatheknewpain,too.

“Protectorofyourfamily?”shesaid,soundingalittletooclosetosympatheticforhisliking.Her

sympathywasonethinghedidn’twant.

“Somethinglikethat.Somebodyhadto,andIwaspushingsixfeetandputtingonmusclebythetimeI

wasfourteen.”Heshrugged.“Mightaswellbeme.”

“Itwasnothinglikethatforourfamily,”shesaid.“Myparentsareoldmoney.Tommywasalwaysa

starathleteandtheywereproudofthatwhilehewasinschool,butwhenhedecidedtogointoMMAasa
career,theynearlyhadastroke.Buthekeptwinning,sotheycamearound.‘Whateveryoudo,’they
alwaysusedtotellus,‘bethebestatit.’”Hergazebecamedistant.“I’llmisshim.”

“Iknowyouwill.Ican’timagine.Mybrothers...sometimesIwanttostranglethem,butIdon’t

knowwhatI’ddoifanythinghappenedtooneofthem.”

“Yes,well,Iusedtothinkthesame,butIguessI’llfindoutnow.”Shesighed,andthistimewhenshe

stood,heknewitwastoleaveforgood.“Whateverthecircumstances,Michael...it’sbeennicemeeting
you.Ineedtogetbacktothefamily.They’llbewonderingaboutme.”

Asfarasitbeingnicetomeether,hecouldagreewholeheartedly.Buthewantedtoseeheragain.If

onlyitwereanothertime,anotherplace,anotherreason.Hehadnowaytoexpresshiswisheswithout
comingoffasatotalscumbag.Forallheknew,shehadamantoseetoallofherneeds,thoughanyman
wholethertrygetthroughtodayonherownwasacruelsonofabitch.Still,hewentforit.“Savannah,
canIgiveyoumynumber?Ifyouneedanything,anything,evenifit’sonlytocallmeinthemiddleofthe
nightandcussmeout,Iwantyoutocallme.Please.”

Shewetherlipsandhethoughthesawthebeginningsoftearsinhereyesagain.Withoutaword,she

noddedandduginherpurseforhercellphone,handingittohimonceshefisheditout.Hecouldn’thelp
noticingthelockscreenwasapictureofherandherbrother,arminarm,allsmiles.Withthetwoofthem
sidebyside,theresemblancewasevenmoreapparent.Thephotolookedrecent,andhe’dbeencorrectin
hisearlierassessment:shehadabeautifulsmile.“Thisisanicepicture,”hetoldher.“I’msurehemisses
youtoo.”Henavigatedtohercontactsandinputhisinformation.

“I’llprobablychangeyourname,”shetoldhimwhenhehandedthedevicebacktoher.“Ifanyone

seesyournumberinmyphone,there’llbehelltopay.”

“Whateveryouhavetodo.”

Sheheldhisgazeforamomentandherbreathingseemedtoquicken.Allofthenoiseandactivityand

streetmusicaroundthemfadedintonothing.Henoticedatinymoleaboveherupperlip.Thesultrylength
ofhereyelashes.Theflushcreepingupherneck.“Willyougorightbackhome?”

“I’llhangoutwithmybrothertonight,butIthoughtImightcatcharidewithhimonhistourbusfora

fewdays,seeafewsights.Thengohome.”

“Thatsoundsawesome,actually.IthinkI’dratherbeanywherebuthereforthenextfewdays.”
Wasshe...?No.Couldn’tbe.Thatwouldbecrazy.Butthewistfulnessinhervoicewasundeniable.

God,ifonly.

“Well,”hesaid,andhereyesneverlefthisasherosetohisfeet.“Thanksforthis.Andremember

whatIsaid.Anything,Savannah.”

“Um...doyouneedarideanywhere?”
“I’llgetacab.Don’tworryaboutit.”Heofferedherhishand.Somethingunnamablechurnedinher

expressionwhenshelookeddownatit,butshetookitallthesame.Hergripwasfirm,herfingerssupple,
herskinheavenlysoft.Butherhandtrembledinhis.“Idon’tpraymuchanymore,”hesaid,holdingitfor
longerthanheshouldhavethoughshedidn’ttrytopullaway.“Butyouandyourfamilywillbeinmy
thoughts.”

Shenodded.“Iappreciateit.Takecare.”
Thenshewalkedaway,weavingbetweenthetablesandchairsuntilshedisappearedintothecrowd.

Leavinghimstandingbythetablealoneinaseaofpeople.

Heknewhewasinsaneifhethoughthewouldeverhearfromheragain.

ChapterThree

Whenthecallcameatsix

A. M.

,Savannahnearlypokedhereyeoutwithhermascarawand,fumbledit,

anddroppeditinthesinkwithaclatter.Itwasn’texactlyatimeofdaysheexpectedtohearherphone
blaretolife.Cursingthelovelyblackstreaknowabovehereyelidandinhersink,shegropedforthe
phoneonthebathroomcounterwiththeafflictedeyescrewedshut.Damnit.

“Ro?”sheasked,alarmedwhensheglimpsedtheIDonthedisplay.“What’swrong?”
“Ineedyou.Comeovernow.”
Exasperated,Savannahjerkedahandfuloftissuesfromthedispenseronhercounterwithherfree

hand.“Ihaveanappointmentinanhour.I’mnotevenreadytoleavethehouseyet.”

“Youwearscrubsandworkinthedark,whocareswhatyoulooklike?It’sanemergency.”
“It’sdim,notdark.What’sthematterwithyou?”
“Justcome.”Rowanhungup.
“Jesus,”Savannahgrumbled.Whatnow?SixweekshadpassedsinceTommy’sdeath.Thingshad

grownrelativelyquiet.Timewasn’thealingthewounds,exactly,butitwashelpinghercopewiththeir
existence.Rowanhadseemedokaylately,butjustnowshe’dsounded...different.Flat.Shehadher
gooddaysandherbad,liketheyalldid,butthishadn’tsoundedenoughlikeoneortheotherforSavannah
tomakeanassessmentastowhatshewaswalkinginto.

Whatever.Savannahhadalreadyhadonecupofcoffee,butshecouldtellthiscalledforanother.Or

three.

Givinguponhermascara,shescrubbedherfacecompletelycleanandputherhairinitscustomary

ponytail.IfshewasgoingtoseewhatthehellRowan’sproblemwasandgettoherfirstmassageclientby
seven,shewasgoingtohavetohaulass.Luckily,Rowandidn’tlivefarfromSavannah’squaintlittle
FrenchQuarterapartment.ShepulledtothecurboutsideRowan’shouse—itwashardtothinkofitas
onlyRowan’snow,notRowanandTommy’s—twentyminutesaftertheirphonecallended,andthatwas
afterhittingaStarbucksontheway.

RowansnatchedthedooropenbeforeSavannahcouldknockandeyeballedthecupholderSavannah

heldinherhands,containingtwosteaminggrandewhite-chocolatemochas.Shewasstillinherpinkrobe
andherblondhairwaspiledontopofherheadinanartfulmess.Hercheekswerepink,hereyeslarge
andglassy.“Youmighthavetodrinkbothofthose,”shesaid,herfranticgazemeetingSavannah’satlast.

“Noproblem.But...Rowan!Haveyoucompletelylostit?”ShehadgrabbedSavannah’sarmand

yankedherintothefoyer,barelypausingtoclosethedoor.Savannahstruggledtohangontotheprecious
caffeineinherhandsasRowanpropelledherdownthehallway,throughthemasterbedroom,andintothe
bathroomthatwasasbigasSavannah’sentirebedroom.

“Yes,Ihave.Look.”Rowanpointedatthecounter.
Savannahnearlydroppedthedrinkholder,espressoandall.
Thewhitedevicesonthecounterwereunmistakable.Differentstylesandbrands,somestrips,some

squares,somewithdifferentcoloredaccents.Sevenofthem.“OhmyGod,”Savannahsaidweakly.

“They’reallpositive.”Rowan’seyeswerehugeasshestareddownatthem.Shewasvisibly

trembling.“I’vebeentakingthemforthepastthreedays.”

“OhmyGod,Rowan.”Savannahmanagedtoputthedamneddrinksdown.Thenshebracedherhands

onthecounterandleanedoverthetestresultsthatweregoingtochangealloftheirlivesforever.Plus
signs.Twolines.Orthemostobviousofall,perhaps:theword

P REGNANT

.

“Tommy’sgoingtobeadaddy,”Rowansaid,hervoicesmallandquivering.
Therewasnothingtodobutturnaroundandhughertight.RowanburiedherfaceinSavannah’sneck

andsobbed.

“Ithinkit’swonderful,”Savannahassuredher,strokingherback.“It’sgoingtobefine,justfine.”
“Noitisn’t,”Rowancried.
Oh,no.Fromthetimeofthephonecall,shehadn’tbeenabletodetermineRowan’sthoughts.Now

theywereclear.“Ashock.You’rejustinshock,okay?It’llwearoffandthenyou’llseeit’sokay.Howfar
alongdoyouthinkyouare?”Bettertogetherofftheemotionalaspectofitassoonaspossible.

“Idon’tknow.ObviouslymorethansixorsevenweeksbutI’veneverbeenregular.I’vefeltalittle

nauseatedhereandthereeversincethefuneralbutIfigureditwasfromcryingallthetime.”

“Firstthingsfirst,youneedtogotothedoctor.”
Rowansteppedbackandnodded,wipingatherrednosewiththetissueSavannahpluckedandhanded

toher.“HowamIgoingtotellyourparents?”

“Openyourmouthandsayit.Really,doyouthinkthey’renotgoingtobeoverjoyed?Momhasbeen

beggingyouforagrandchildpracticallysinceyouandTommymet.”

“Yeah,shehas.But...thatwasthen.”
“Ro.WehavealittlepartofTommystillherewithusnow.That’scausetocelebrate.They’regoingto

besohappy,Ipromiseyou.They’regoingtowantyoutotakecareofyourselftoo,soyou’reright—I’m
drinkingallofthatcoffee.”Thatbroughtforthasmallburstoflaughter.Rowanwipedhereyeswiththe
sleeveofherrobe.“GoseeMomtoday,allright?Spendthedaywithher.She’sgoingtohaveyou
shoppingalready.Andcallyourdoctor.”

“Iwill.”
“Promise?”
“Iwill.”
“Good.Ireallyhavetogo,okay?”
“Okay.AndthanksforthecoffeethatIcan’tdrink.”
“Well,Itried.Moreforme.”
SavannahmadesureshewasoutofsightofRowan’shousebeforeshepulledhercaroverina

conveniencestoreparkinglot,feelingaswellofemotionsurgingupthatwouldn’tbedenieduntilshe’d
purgedit.Ithadbeenweekssinceshe’dcried,butnowshegrabbedthesteeringwheelinawhite-knuckle
gripandletitallout,gladshehadn’tbotheredwithmakeupafterallifthishadtobetheoutcome.

Oh,God,I’lldoanything.Justgivehimback.Lethimbehereforhischild,forhiswifewhoneeds

him.Whyhimandnotme?Whynotme?Hehadsomuchtolivefor,somuchtodo...

Thesamestaleprayer,neveracknowledged,neveranswered.
SomethingelseshehadtriednottodointhepastfewweekswasthinktoomuchaboutMichael

Larson,buthewouldforeverbelinkedwithherbrother’smemoryinhermind.Suddenly,therehewas,as
vividasifshe’dseenhimyesterday.Whatwouldhethinkaboutthisnewdevelopment?Ahandfulof
timesintheweeksimmediatelyfollowingTommy’sfuneral,she’dpulleduphisnumberinhercontacts
andstaredatit,debatingdeletingitlikethedirtysecretitwas...whenshewasn’tdebatingdialingit.

Why?Whatinthehellcouldshehavetosaytohim?Sheknew,though,evenifshedidn’twantto

admitittoherself.Shewantedtotalktohimbecause,despiteallofherinternalprotests,he’dbeena
comforttoher.Hiswords,hisvoice,especiallythewayhe’dheldherhandastheypartedways.Thehand
thathadbeatenherbrothertodeathhadheldhersasifitweresomethingprecious.He’dspokentoher

likehemeanteveryword,unlikehalfthepeopleshe’dencounteredsinceTommy’sdeath.Andshe
wonderedhowhewasdoingwithallofthis,too.

“Oh,please,”shemutteredoutloudtonoone.He’dprobablyforgottenwhoshewasbynow.As

quicklyasshehadconjuredhimup,sheshovedhimtothebackofhermind.Pulledherselftogether,drank
oneofthecoolingcoffees,poppedabreathmintintohermouth,andputonsomelipglossbeforedriving
therestofthewaytowork.Somehowshemanagedtoberightontime,pullingintothespaparkinglotat
6:58

A. M.

andhittingthesidedooratsevensharp.

Thegoodthingaboutherjobwasthatitgavehertimetothink.Herfirstappointmentofthedaywas

forabodyscrubandwrapwithahalf-hourSwedishmassage,andherclientwasaquietone.Soforthe
firstcouplehoursofherday,shemarveledoverthefactshewasgoingtobeanaunt.Asweetlittlebaby
tospoilasifheorshewereherown.Onethingwasforsure:thatwasgoingtobeonelovedbaby.Rowan
andthechildwouldwantfornothing,notwithSavannah’sparentsonthescene.Thiswasgoingtobethe
injectionoflightandlifeherfamilyneededtomoveonfromthiscatastrophe.Tommywouldbesoproud
andhappy.

Sheguessed.He’dneveractuallymadehisthoughtsonthesubjectofhavingkidsclear,preferringto

laughitoffwhenevertheirmothergotonhiscaseaboutit.Maybehehadn’twantedkids.

Assoonasshegotabreak,Savannahheadedforthelittleon-sitecafétogetatea,greetingoneofthe

othermassagetherapistsatthecounter.“Areyouokay?”Tashaaskedher,frowningassheassessed
Savannahclosely.Yeah,sheusuallydidputalittlemoreeffortintoherappearance,butTashaknewher
toowell.Thetwoofthemhadmadefastfriendsand,outsideofherfamily,Tashawasprobablythe
personclosesttoher.

“Crazymorningalready,”Savannahadmitted,thenlaughedasTashapluckedthebottleofteafromher

handsandplaceditonthecountertopayforitwithherownyogurtcup.“Tash,youdon’thavetodothat.”

“OfcourseIdon’thaveto.Nowhush.”
Shekindofhateditthateveryoneatworkstilltreatedherlikeshewasemotionallyfragile.Maybeshe

was,especiallytoday,but...today,atleast,shefeltliketalkinginsteadofwanderingaround
mechanically,sufferingworriedstareseverywhereshewentandfeelinglikeaproblemeveryonehadto
trytosolve.“Wefoundoutthatmybrother’swidowispregnant.”

Tasha’sdarkeyeswidened.“Oh!Oh.Oh,wow.”
“Yeah,Iknow.I’mkindofatalosswhattothink.It’sgreat,but...it’ssad.”
“Ithinkit’llbeablessing.”TashahandedSavannahherdrinkandthetwoofthemmovedtooneofthe

littlebistrotables.“Allapartofthehealingprocess.”

“Definitely.Ijustcan’thelpbutthinkaboutthebabyneverknowingTommy.”
“Lifegoeson,right?”
“Yeah.”Shetookalongdrinkoftea,feelingawashofexhaustion.Hell,itwastooearlyforthis.She

hadanentiredaytogetthrough,mostofitonherfeet.Maybeanothercoffeewouldhavebeenabetter
idea.

“Andyou’llmakesurethebabydoesknowTommy.Howfaralongisshe?”
“Mybestguessisacoupleofmonthsorso.Maybealittlemore.Imadeherpromisetocallher

doctor.”Savannahdroppedherheadtoherhands.“God.Ican’timaginebeinginhershoesrightnow,
goingthroughallofthiswithouthim.”Tohavetheremnantsofgrieftogetthroughwhileherbellygrew
everbiggerwithTommy’schild...

“Poorthing.Atleastshestillhasyouguys.”
“We’reaterriblesubstitute.”
“Makesyouwanttofindthatguywhodidthistothemandpunchhiminthethroat,doesn’tit?”

Savannahtoyedwithherteabottle,feelingatrembleinherstomach.Shedidn’tknowwhatitmeant,

whethershewasabouttostartcrying,startscreaming,orthrowherbottleacrosstheroomandrunout.As
usual,shedidn’tdoadamnthing.NotevenTashaknewthatMikehadshownupatTommy’sfuneral,
lookingcrushedanddesperateandguilt-ridden.Itwouldprobablybeevenworseforhimnow,knowing
hehadn’tonlytakenawayabrother,ason,ahusband—he’dtakenawayafatherwhowouldnevergetto
holdhischild.

Somepartofherwantedhimtoknow.Wantedhimtofeelasbadasshedid,asRowandid,asthat

babywouldgrowingupwithstoriesandpicturesbutnodaddytotuckhimorherinatnight.

Thatwouldbeimpossible,though.Hewouldnever,couldneverfeelthislevelofpain.
Ifyouneedanything,anything,evenifit’sonlytocallmeinthemiddleofthenightandcussme

out,Iwantyoutocallme.Please.

Rightnow,inthelightofdaysurroundedbyfriends,doingsuchathingwasunthinkable.Latetonight,

lonelyandaloneinthedarkwithnothingbutshould-have-beensroilingthroughherhead,shemightfeel
differently.“Maybeweshouldgoouttonight,”shetoldTasha,noticingherfriend’ssurpriseattheabrupt
changeofsubject.

“Sure,wecoulddothat.Areyoureallyfeelinguptoit,though?”
Caught.“Idon’tknow.Ithastobebetterthanstayinghome.Thinking.”Orcallingneartotalstrangers

torailatthemabouthowunfairitallwas.

Tashanodded,studyingheralittletooclosely.Thenhergazeshiftedtotheclockonthewallandshe

shotupfromherchair.“Gottago,girl.We’llmakeplanslater,okay?”

“Surething.”Savannahheadedtohernextappointmentfeelingalittlebetter.Shewouldgoout,she

wouldhaveafewdrinks,dancealittle.Hell,maybefindahotstrangertotakehermindevenfurtheroff
things.Ithadbeenfartoolonginthatdepartment.Herlovelifehadbeenlackinglongbeforedisaster
strucksixweeksago,butsincethen,findingamanhadbeencompletelyoffherradar.Shecouldtripover
oneandnotevenrealizehewasthere.

Theemotionalphonecallfromhermothercameatlunch.Reginawasatonceoverjoyed,shocked,and

completelyconfusedaboutthewholething...whichmirroredSavannah’sthoughtsperfectly.Itwasall
toomuchtotake.ButRowanhadmadegoodonherpromisetocallherdoctor,andherfirstappointment
wasnextweek.Savannahcouldn’thelpbutfeelalittlesorryforRowan,becausethegirl’sbodywasn’t
goingtobeherownforthenextseveralmonths—itwasgoingtobeRegina’storuleandmicromanagefor
thedurationofthispregnancy.Shewasalreadytalkingaboutthebabyshowerandnames.Rowanwould
betheoneneedingadrinkwhenthiswasallover.Savannahneededoneimmediatelyafterhangingupthe
phone.

Tonight,shethought,andfoundherselflookingforwardtotheprospectmoreandmoreastheday

woreon.Tonightitwasgoingdown.

“Youluckymotherfucker.”Mikeflippedhiscardsacrossthetableandtookalongpullonhisbeerashis
brotherDamiengrinnedandtookMike’schipswithasweepofhisarm.

“Luckhaslittletodowithit,”Damiensaid.
“It’sthatshit-houselucklikeMomalwaysusedtosay.Yeah,well,I’mdoneplayingwithyou.”
“Quitter.”
MikeflippedoffDamienandlookedaroundthehighlyillegalpokerroomhisbrotherraninthe

secondstoryoftheHoustonnightclubheowned,Players.Severalhigh-stakesgamesweregoingon
aroundthem—thankGodDamienwasMike’sbrotherandtheirplaywasstrictlyforfun,orforDamiento

showoff.Mikehadlostcountofallthetournamentsandworldchampionshipsthelittleshithadwon.His
skillwassupernatural.OrelsehehadESP.

“Youneverdidtellmewhatbringsyououttonight,”Damiensaid,surveyingtheplaygoingonaround

them.Athickpallofsmokehungovertheroomandthebassfromdownstairsthuddedrelentlessly.Much
moreofthatandMike’sheadwouldbethrobbingalongwiththebeat.“Haven’tseenyouaroundina
while.Ihaven’tseenyoudrinkinevenlonger.”

“Iwasalwaysintraining.”
“Soyou’renotanymore?”
“Notatthemoment.”
HecouldtellDamienwasn’tfooled.Mikewasstrictabouthistrainingevenwhenhewasoffseason

—oratleast,healwayshadbeen.Before.Whatevergavehisyoungerhalf-brothersuchakeeninsightinto
whatcardsMikewasholdingalsoallowedhimfreerangeinsideMike’shead,orsoitseemed
sometimes.MaybethatwasoneofthereasonsDamienhadn’tseenhiminawhile.Therewassomething
disconcertingaboutfeelinglikeyouwereunderamicroscopeallthetime.

“It’sreallygottentoyou,hasn’tit?”
“Wouldn’tityou?”
“Notenoughtothrowinthetowel.”
“Yousaythatnow.”
“Iwouldsayitthen.”
Therewasn’tanysenseinarguingwithhim,sincehethoughtheknewitall.Andmaybehedid.

Damienalwayskepthispokerface.Itwasinplaceevennow,cold,unyielding,givingupnothing.

“Whatifeverythingyou’vebuiltheregetsraided?Ifitwasallsnatchedawayfromyouinonenight?

You’resayingyouwouldbeabletostartallover,doitallagain,knowingitcouldallcomecrashing
down?”

“Whatgotsnatchedawayfromyou?Youhitaguytoohard.Youdidn’tloseyourfuckingarms.”
Itfeltthatway.EvenifkillingTommyhadbeenanaccident,ithadtakenMikerightbacktothatdingy

kitchenfifteenyearsago.He’dbeenseventeenyearsoldwithbloodonhishandsalloveragain,his
mother’sscreamsechoinginhisears.Somethinginhisbrainhadreset.Hefeltlikeascaredkidagain,
andhehatedit.

Fuckinghatedit.
“Itwasalwaysyourdream,”Damienwenton.“Andyou’relettingitgetstolenfromyou.Wefought

ourwayoutofthefuckingdirt,Mike,thethreeofus.I’mnotgoingbackthereuntilIhaveto.Sixfeet
under.”

“Doingsomethingelsewouldn’tnecessarilybegoingbacktothedirt.”
“Whatthefuckareyougonnado,huh?BeabodyguardforZane?OrIcouldalwaysmakeyoua

bounceroutonthefloor.”

“Fuckyou.”
“Youwereborntofight.Zanewasborntosing.Iwasborntodo...whateverthehellitisthatIdo.

This.”Heindicatedtheroomasawhole.“You’reupsettingourmicrocosm.”

Mikehadtolaugh.“You’resofullofshit.”
“Ithinkyoufuckedupwhenyouwentoverthereandlettheguy’sfamilygetallinyourhead.”
“Ineededtodothat.”
“Youneededtoleaveitalone.It’sdredgingupalotofshitforyou.”
Shiftinginhischairuncomfortably,Miketookanotherdrinkandcouldonlywishhehadafractionof

Damien’sstony-eyedimpassivity.“It’snot,becauseIdon’tthinkaboutanyofthat,”hebold-facedlied.

“Yes,youdo.You’rethinkingaboutitrightnow.Mike,youdidwhatyouhadtodo.Youdiditthenfor

allofus,youdiditwithTommyDugas,andyou’llkeepdoingit.Whatyouhavetodoiskeepfighting.
You’rerankednumberonebutyoudeservetohavethatbeltaroundyourwaist.”

“Therecomesatimewhenyouhavetoaskyourselfifit’sworthit.Whentheshitkeepsflyingatyou

andyouwonderifthiswouldbehappeningifyouwerereallyontherightpath.”

“You’renotgoingtoturnpacifistonme,areyou?”
“Naw,nothinglikethat.”
“Look,itisn’tthatI’mnotsympathetic.It’ssad.Igetit.Butit’seatingyouup,andifyoukeepletting

it,there’snotgoingtobeanythingofyouleft.Letitgo,man.”

Itwasthesameunsolicitedadviceeverywherehewent.WhetheritwasZaneorDamienorhiscoach

ormanagerorthecommentatorsonESPN,everyonewasgivingtheirtwofuckingcentshehadn’tasked
for.Theyhadn’tseenthedevastationhe’dseenwhenhemetSavannahandRowan,butifhesaidthat,
Damienwouldonlyuseitasanotheropportunitytoridehisassaboutseekingoutthefuneralinthefirst
place,andmaybehewasright.Maybehewaswellandtrulyfucked.Whetherhecouldrecoverenough
psychologicallytoeventhinkaboutgettingbackinthecage...well,hewouldjusthavetowaitandsee.
Heknewguyswhowouldn’tbebotheredbysomethinglikekillingamaninthering.Hewasn’toneof
them.

Brad,hismanager,hadencouragedhimtostepaway,takesometime,justnottoofarandnottoolong.

HewouldprobablyshithimselfifheknewMikehadevenentertainedthenotionofretiring.

HewasafraidhewouldseeTommyDugas’sfaceoneveryopponentheeverfought.Andifthat

happened,itwouldthrowhiswholegameoff.Hewouldbackdown,goeasy,messup.Gethisasshanded
tohim.He’sdone,theywouldsay.Couldn’tcutitaftertheDugasfight.Oh,whatapromisingcareer,
derailedbysenselesstragedy,blahblahblah.

Ifhewentintoafighteventhinkingaboutlosing,hehadalreadylost.
Hiscellphonebuzzedinhisbackpocketandhesighed,pluckingitoutandfrowningattheunfamiliar

number.Whothehellwouldbecallinghimthislate?Itwasaftermidnight.Itdidn’tmatter;hewouldn’t
beabletocarryonaphoneconversationinthisnoise,soheletitgotovoicemail.HeandDamienhad
practicallybeenyellingateachother.Somethingvaguelyfamiliaraboutthatareacode,though.

Glancinguptomakesurehisbrotherwasadequatelyengagedinconversationwithawomanwho’d

beenpassingbytheirtable—check—MikequicklyenteredthenumberinGoogleonhisphone.

NewOrleans.
Savannah?Hisheartgaveanoddleapatthethought.Ithadbeensixweeksandhe’dlongago

abandonedeventhealmostnonexistenthopehewouldhearfromheragain.Buttherewasliterallynoone
elseinthatareawhowouldbecallinghim.

“I’mout,”hetoldhisbrother,gettingupandbumpingfistswithhim.“Thanksforbeingapaininmy

ass,asusual.”

“That’swhatI’mherefor.Don’tbeastranger.”
MiketriedtopretendDamienwasn’tlookingathimlikeheknewsomethingwasup.Hefelthis

brother’seyesonhimallthewayoutthedoor.Assoonashewasdownthestairsandoutthebackofthe
buildingintothebalmynight,awayfromthedinofbass-heavymusicanddrunkenblather,hereturnedthe
missedcallwhilehislegsateupthedistancetohistruck.

“Comeon,”hemutteredafterthreerings.“Youcan’tnotanswernow.”
Butapparentlyshecould.AtleasthegothisconfirmationthatitwasindeedSavannah’snumberwhen

herbright,cheeryrecordedgreetingsoundedinhisear.Sodifferentfromthesorrowfulwomanhe’d
encountered.He’dseenthatglimmerofbrightnessinher,though.Evenatthecemetery,itwasdimmed,but

itwasn’tgone.God,hehopedshewasokay.

Thenhergreetingendedwiththestandardencouragementtoleaveamessageafterthebeep,andhe

hadasplit-seconddecisiontomake.Hehatedtalkingtothesefuckingthings.

“Savannah.It’sMikeLarson.IknowyoutriedtocallandI’msorryIdidn’tanswerintime.Hell,for

allIknowyoubutt-dialedmeorsomethingandI’mmakinganassofmyself.Inanycase...Ihopeyou’re
well.And...well,I’mhere.Ihopetohearfromyou.”Shit,hadhereallysaid“butt-dialed”?Hehungup
beforehecouldgetanymoreidioticandtellhersomethinglikeSaythewordandIcangettoyouby
dawn.

Therewasn’tadamnthingshecouldneedfromhimthatbadly.

ChapterFour

Savannahlistenedtohismessagefourtimes.She’ddrunktoomuch,danceduntilshewasexhausted,
flirteduntilshe’dconvincedherselfshestillhadit...butevenafterallofthat,she’dcomehomealone
andcalledMikeanyway.Hehadn’tanswered,buthe’dcalledback.Shehadmisseditbecauseshe’dbeen
inthebathroomandherphonehadbeenonthecharger.

Hearinghisvoiceagaintookherbacktothatawfulday,butitalsoremindedherofhowshe’dfelta

littlebetteraftertalkingtohimatthecafé.Shelayonherbedinthedark,willingtheroomtoquitspinning
everytimesheclosedhereyes,andsoakedupthesoundofit.Itsteadiedherinthetilt-a-whirlofher
head,somehow.Heseemedsoconcerned,whichconfusedandfrightenedher.Hewassupposedtobethe
monster,oratleastherfamilythoughtso.Hewasn’tsupposedtobetheknight,buteverythingaboutthe
urgencyinhismessagesaidthathewouldslayanybeastsheaskedhimto.

“God,youaresodrunk,”shescoldedherself,throwingherphoneaside.“Leavethismanalone.”
Butshe’donlylaintherefortwominutesbeforeshepickeditbackupandimpulsivelycalledhim

back.

“Savannah?”hebarkedinanswer.Shecouldn’thelpchuckling.
“Ithinkthat’sadequateconfirmationthatyourememberme.”
Thatseemedtosurprisehim;hestumbledoverhiswordsforafewseconds.“Well...yeah,ofcourse

Irememberyou,howthehellcouldInot?Areyouokay?”

Hereyesfilledwithtears.Drunktears.Yay.Shesqueezedthemshutagainstthedeluge,spinningroom

bedamned.“No.”

“Jesus.What’swrong?”
“I’mgonnabeanaunt.”Shefellsilentandlethimdigestthatforamoment.Hehadenoughofher

familyhistorytoknowwhatitmeant.

“Jesus,”herepeated.“Savannah...”
“Iknow,”shesaid,hervoicesmall.“IthoughtatfirstIwouldtellyouthattomakeyoufeelbad,but..

.nowIrealizethat’sawfulofme.It’snotlikethere’sanythingyoucandotomakeitbetter.SoIdon’t
knowwhyI’mtellingyou.Justtotalk,Iguess.”

“Haveyoubeendrinking?”
Damn,hereshe’dthoughtshe’dbeensomewhatcoherent.“Um...yeah?”
“Areyousafe?”
“I’mhomeinbed.Safeascanbe,Iguess.”
Heletoutabreaththatsoundedlikerelief.“Good.Youhadmereadytohopaplane,girl.”
Savannah’seyesopenedinthedark.Herheartturnedoverinherchest.“What?”No,no,no.You’re

nottheknight,youcan’tbetheknight.“Youwouldn’tdothat.”

“Yeah?Tryme.TheleastIcandoforTommyislookoutforhislittlesister.”
Andherheartsettledbackintoitsnormalrhythm.Ofcourse,hefeelsobligated,shethought.Ithad

nothingtodowithher.“Oh.”Shecringedalittleathowdisappointedshesoundedandquicklytriedto
remedyit.“That’sreallynotnecessary.”

“No,itisn’t.ButIwoulddoitanyway.”
“Ionlywentoutwithafriendfromwork.Shebroughtmehomeandputmetobed.”Tashahadeven

leftherAdvilandwateronthenightstand,Godblessher.“Itwasn’taverylongtrip,either,sinceI
actuallyliveonBourbonStreet.”

“You’reshittingme,”Mikesaid,andshechuckled.Mostpeopleweretakenabackwhentheyfound

outwhereshelived.

“Nope.”
“Howdidyoumanagethat?”
“Myapartmentisoneofafour-plexinagatedhistoricalbuilding.Afriendofmyfamilyownsthe

building.Whenhementionedafewyearsbackthathehadavacancy,Iwasfeelingadventurous,soI
jumpedonit.”

“IbetthatgetscrazyatMardiGras.”
“Oh,it’sprettycrazyallthetime.Icanwatchitallfrommylittlebalcony.Iloveit.”
“Wow.Whatdoyoudoforwork,Savannah?”
Shelikedthewayhesaidhername,butshecringedatthequestion.“I’mamassagetherapist.”And

shebracedherselffortheusualbullshitguysspoutedwhenevershetoldthemwhatshedidforaliving:
Howmuchforahappyending?Wannapracticeonme?Butwhomassagesyou?IbetIcouldshowyou
athingortwo...Ugh.Onegoodthingaboutitwasthatitwaseasyforhertoweedoutthecreepsright
awaybasedontheirresponsestoherchosenprofession.

Michael,however,onlysoundedimpressed.“That’sgreat.Doyoulikeit?”
“Ireallydo.It’snicehelpingpeoplefeelbetterwhenthey’rehurting,orhelpingthemrelaxwhen

they’restressed.”

“SometimesIswearmytherapististryingtokillme,butit’sworthittoactuallyfeelhuman

afterward.”Hehadtogoandsaythat.Hadtogoandmakeherdrunkenmindconjureupimagesofgetting
allthatmuscleunderherkneadingfingers,andthatwaylaydisaster.“Doyouhaveyourownplace,or...
?”

“Iworkatadayspa.Notmanyathletescomethroughthere.”
Hechuckled.“Yeah,Ibetnot.”
“ThoughIhavethoughtaboutstrikingoutonmyown.TommyalwaystoldmeIshould.HesaidIwas

wastedthere.Iwastheonlyonewhocouldgetridofhistriggerpoints.”

Thementionofherbrotherquelledtheconversationforamoment.ThenMikesaid,“Sohowfaralong

isyoursister-in-law?”

“We’reguessingacoupleofmonths.Youknow,Rowan’sparentsdiedwhenshewasateenager,one

notlongaftertheother.ShemetTommyshortlyafterward,andhewasabighelpingettingherthroughit
all.Nowhe’sgone,andIdon’tknowwhattodotomakeherfeelbetter.”

“Justbethereforher.”
“Iam.Weallare.”
“Hey...well,nevermind.”He’dgonefromsoundinghopefultodejectedsofastshewasintrigued.
“What?Seriously,I’mopentoideas.Anyideas.”
“Yousaidshewasafanofmybrother’s.Whataboutgettingheroutoftownforafewdays?He’sstill

touring.Icangetherallaccesstoanyshowshewantstosee,noproblem.We’llevenflyherout.”

Wow.She’dwantedtotellRowanaboutZaneLarsonbeingthedarkmysteryguystandingbehind

Mikeatthecemetery,buttellingherthatwouldhaveinvolvedadmittingshe’dtalkedtoMikeagain,when
Rowancouldbarelytoleratethementionoftheguy’sname.Therehadneverbeenagoodtimetodropthat
informationonher,soSavannahsimplyletitslide.Twoweeksago,thetwoofthemhadbeendrivingto
themallwhenAugustonFire’slatesthitsinglecameontheradio.Rowanhadturneditup,herexpression
completelysmoothingout.ItwastheclosestthingtoblissSavannahhadseenonherfacesinceTommy’s

death,butstillshe’dbithertongueuntilitnearlybled.ThatpeaceonRowan’sfacehadlookedlikea
fragilething,andonementionofMikemighthaveshatteredit.

“Shewouldprobablylovethat,”sheadmittedtoMikenow.
“Letmesetitup,then,”hesaideagerly.
“Exceptthatitwouldcomefromyou.”Sheclenchedhereyesshut,hatingtosaythewords,tolethim

knowjusthowmuchblameRowanputonhim.“Shedoesn’tevenknowI’vetalkedtoyouagain.IfItell
herthat...Idon’tknow.Shewon’ttakeitwell.She’sreallyasweetperson,she’sjustinabadplace.”

“Youdon’thavetoexplain.”
“IfeellikeIdo.”
“Theofferstands,soI’llleaveituptoyou.ButZane’sonlyontourafewmoreweeks,thenhe’llbe

backinthestudiowiththebandforawhile.Shemightnothaveanotherchanceanytimesoon.”

“I’llthinkaboutit.”
“Andshedoesn’thavetoseemeatall.”Afterabeat,headded,“Bothofyouwouldbewelcome,of

course.”

Rowanwouldmakehercometoo,ifthiseverpannedout.God,shewassotorn.Ononehand,sure,

RowanmightfreakoutknowingSavannahwasindulgingincoffeeanddrunkenlate-nightchatswithMike
Larsonbehindherback,andontheother,shemightstrangleherunconsciousifshelearnedshehada
chancetomeetherfavoritesingerintheworldandSavannahhadheldoutonher.

“I’llletyouknow,”shesaid.“Thankyouforoffering.That’sreallyniceofyou.”
“ThetouractuallyendsinHouston,ifI’mnotmistaken.I’llhavetocheck.Thatwouldbeafairly

quicktripforyouguys.ButI’llshutupandletyougetsomesleep.”

Herdisappointmentsurprisedher;sheenjoyedtalkingtohimsomuchanddidn’twantthe

conversationtoend.“Sorrytobotheryousolate,”shesaid.“Iblamethealcohol.”

Hechuckled.“Don’tworryaboutit.I’mgladyouwereabletogooutandhavesomefun.Weallneed

itsometimes.”

Whatdidheliketodoforfun?Hadhethoughtmoreaboutretiring?Whatmadethisguytick?All

questionssheprobablyshouldn’tbecontemplating,buttheyplaguedhernevertheless.Shewantedto
knowhim.Neededtoknowthescary,gloweringmaninallofhispromotionalpresswasn’tthesameone
shewastalkingtorightnow.Tommy...well,hehadn’tbeenmuchdifferent.He’dtalkedalotofsmack,
hadhisownswagger,playedtothecrowds,butshe’dalwaysrecognizedherbrotherinallofit.Thisman
attheotherendofthecall,though...shedidn’trecognizehimatall.

“Okay,well,IguessI’lltalktoyousoon?”sheaskedhesitantly.
“Ihopeso.Goodnight,Savannah.Sweetdreams.”
Oh,God.Hecouldhavebeenlyingnexttoherfortheintimatetoneofhisvoicethen.Shepulledher

bottomlipbetweenherteethandshiftedherthighsunderthecovers.Yes,timetohangup.“Goodnight,
Michael.”

Oncehewasgone,shemissedhim,butsheblamedthatonthealcoholtoo.Andstrikingoutonthe

wholefindahotstrangerwhoisn’tacreepthing.Thatwasn’treallyherstyle,anyway.

Yeah,andneitherarefighterswithvoicesthatcanmeltyourpantiesoff.Stopit.
Savannahrolledover,huggedherpillow,andhopedtheonlysweetdreamsshehadtonightwereabout

fluffybunnies.

“Whatdoyouthinkofthisone?”Rowanplacedanothercarpetswatchonthediningroomtable.Itwas
barelyindistinguishablefromtheonebesideit.

“Thesearedifferent?”
“Duh.Oneistoffeeandoneisamaretto.Focus.”
Savannahnodded.“Pretty.Istillthinkit’salittletooearlytodecideonacolor,though.Youwon’t

findoutifit’saboyoragirlforawhile.Areyousureyouwouldn’tdecidedifferentlyonceyouknow?”

Rowanshrugged.“Yeah,you’reright.Butitkeepsmebusy.”
Whichwasablessinginitself.Rowanhadcompletelythrownherselfintotheplanningstage,andshe

excelledatit.Aprojectforthehousewasexactlywhatshe’dneededtomakeherfeelalittlebetter,and
decoratingthenurserywasperfect.

“Naturally,I’llpickacolorschemeforaboy,oneforagirl,andthenoneincaseIdodecidetogo

gender-neutrallikethese.”Naturally.“Whichisalwaysapossibility.Ilovethissageoverheretoo.What
doyouthink?”

“Ilikeitall.”
“Youareabsolutelynohelpwhatsoever.”Rowanshotheranaggrievedlookandgotuptogotothe

kitchenformoredrinks:waterforherself,sweetteaforSavannah.Whileshewasgone,Savannahtwirled
heremptyglassinherhands,rattlingtheice,anddebated.

Mike’sofferhadbeensittingonthetipofhertongueforaweek.Shewasrunningoutoftime.And

eventhoughshe’ddecidedonthebestwaytoapproachthesituation,shestillhadn’tworkedupenough
nervetodoit.

“What’swithyoulately?”Rowancalledfromthekitchenamidthesoundofpouringteaandcrackling

ice.“I’musuallytheonedowninthedumps.Iactuallyfeelokaytoday,andnowyou’rethezombie.”

“Yeah,”Savannahreplied,gazingthroughthediningroomwindowatthebrightpinkazaleasblooming

outsideRowan’shouse.Notimelikethepresent,right?“Um,Ro?Ihavesomethingtotellyou.”

Rowanreappearedwithtwofreshglassesandplacedthemonthetable.Asusual,shelooked

beautiful,evenwithherblondhairinasloppybunandwithoutatraceofmakeup.Pregnancyhadgiven
heraglowthathergriefwasn’tabletotouch.Thelightwasgraduallybeginningtocomebackintoher
greeneyes.“Whatisit?”Shesatandbeganpickingthroughherswatchesagain.Savannahnoticedher
fingernailslookedfreshlymanicured,sotherewasanothersmallreturntonormality.

Shesippedhertea,feelingherheartthudheavilyinherchest.“WhatifItoldyou”—shetooka

fortifyingbreath—“thatyouhavearealchancetomeetthesingerofAugustonFire?”

Rowan’shandsfroze.HergazeflickereduptomeetSavannah’sthroughherdarklashes.“Iwouldsay

you’rejoking,ofcourse.”

“Well,youdo.AllaccessinHouston,orreallywhereveryouwanttogountilthetourends.”
“Haveyoulostyourmind?There’snoway.”
“Thereis.Iamabsolutelynotjoking.”
“Noway.Nofreakingway.”
SavannahchuckledaseachofRowan’sprotestsratchetedupanotchinurgency.“Look,I’mserious.I

wouldn’tmesswithyouaboutsomethinglikethis.AndIcangowithyou,ifyouwant.”

“Allaccess?Like,Iwouldgettomeethim?Forreal?”
“That’smyunderstanding.”
Forperhapsfiveseconds,Rowansimplysatandstaredatherdumbly,andthensheeruptedwitha

shriek,herhandsflyingtohermouth.“OhmyGod,Savvy!How?”

“Let’sjustsay...Iknowpeople?”
“Whointhehelldoyouknowwhocanpullthisoff?”
Thiswasthepartshedreaded,buttherewasnogoingbacknow.Nottellingherwho’dmadethisoffer

wouldbeunthinkable,practicallyabetrayalofsomesort.Shepushedthewordsoutinarush,keepingher

gazedowncast.“Ireallydon’tknowhowyou’regoingtotakethis,soI’mjustgoingtoblurtitout.Imet
MikeLarsonforcoffeeafterTommy’sservicejusttohearhimout.Hementionedthefactthattheguywho
waswithhimatthecemeterywashisbrother.”NowshelookedupatRowan’sblankface.“Hisbrother
beingZaneLarson.”

“Thatwas...”Horrordawnedinhereyes.“Areyoufuckingkiddingme?”
“Idon’tthinkit’swellpublicizedthatthey’rerelated.Ididn’tknow,either.”
ButRowan’smindwasapparentlygoinginacompletelydifferentdirection.Sheplacedbothhands

flatonthetableandshotseveralinchesupoutofherchair.“You’retellingme,”shebeganslowly,“that
wasZaneLarsonandhesawmeactlikethat?”

“I’msureheunderstandsyouwereupset—”
“Fuck!Savannah!”Rowan’ssloppybunbecameevensloppierwhenshedroppedbackintoherseat

andshovedherhandsintoherhairinexasperation.“Youhaven’tsaidawordaboutthisinallthistime!”

“Ididn’tknowwhattodo!ButItalkedtoMikeagain,andhemadethisofferthinking—”
“Wait,youtalkedtohimagain?Howmanytimeshaveyoutalkedtothisguy?”
“Justoncemore,Ipromise.He’stryingtohelp,Rowan.Itoldhimyouwereabigfanofhisbrother’s,

andhesaidhecouldgetusinanywhereandflyustheretoo,butthetourwrapsupinHouston,which
wouldbeclosestforus.Hesaidwedon’thavetoseehimatall.”

Herfaceunreadable,Rowanlookeddownatherswatchesandblindlyfiddledwiththemforamoment

beforedroppingthemandleaningbackinherchair.“Wow.Wow.Idon’tknowwhattosay.”

“It’stotally,totallyuptoyou,okay?Ireallydon’tevenliketheirmusic.”Shechuckledanddrankher

tea,lettingRowanstewforawhileinallofthisshockingnewinformation.Atleastnoneoftheexplosion
hadreallybeendirectedtowardher.Yet.Givehertimetothinkaboutit.

“Whatifhe’sanasshole?”Rowanblurtedoutafteracoupleofminutes.
“ThenIguessyou’llknow,atleast.”
“Theysaytonevermeetyouridols.”
“Oh,isheanidolnow?”
“Healwayshasbeen.Hismusichasreallygottenmethroughalotofstuff;Ithoughtyouknewthat.He

musthavehaditprettyroughhimselfgrowingup,givensomeofhislyrics.”

“IkindofgotthatimpressionfromsomeofthethingsMikesaid.Idon’tknow.”
Rowansnatchedherphoneupfromthetabletopandtypedfuriouslyforafewseconds.“Thelastshow

isinthreeweeks.Letmethinkaboutit.Imean...thisissomethingweprobablycouldn’ttellyour
parentsabout.TheywouldgoapeshitiftheyknewIwastraipsingofftoarockconcertinmycondition.”

“Yourcondition?You’repregnant,notdying.I’msureit’llbefine,butno,Iwouldn’ttellthem

anythingexceptmaybewe’regoingawayforagirls’weekend.”

“Eventhatwouldprobablyfreakthemout,thewaythey’recarryingon.God!IfeellikeI’mtotally

dreamingrightnow.”

She’sgoing,Savannahthoughttoherself.Shemightnotlikeit,butshe’sgoing.Herreliefathaving

herconfessionouttherewassostrongitwaspracticallyaweightinitself.

“ButSavvy?”
“Yeah?”
“I’dreallyratherZane’sbrothernotbethere.”
“He’llbethere,butlikeIsaid,hesaidhe’llstayaway.”
“Good.”
“Rowan—”
Sheputahanduptostopher.“Iappreciatewhathe’sdoingforus,butI’mnotreadytohavetoface

him.Idon’tknowifIeverwillbe.Pleasethankhimforme,butIdon’twanttoseehim.Ifthat’sa
problemforhim,thenIguessI’llstayhome.”

Shewouldn’tevensayhisname.Shehadn’tsaiditoncethroughoutthisentireconversation.Savannah

sighedandpickeduptheamarettoswatch,determinednottoargue.Rowanfelthowshefelt,andshehad
everyright.Nothingwouldchangethat.“Ilikethisone.”

ChapterFive

Sweatstunghiseyes.Hismusclesscreamed.Everyjabtothebagjarreduphisarmsandeverykickhad
theentireforceofhisbodybehindit.Mikewasn’tsureifhistrainingwasmoreaboutmaintaininghis
fitnessorexorcisinghisdemonslately,butwhenfacesfromhispastbegantodriftacrosstheheavybag,
heampeduphisblows.Fuckyou,andfuckyou,andfuckyou,too...

UntiltheimageschangedandTommyDugasstoodglaringathiminadefensivestance.Theroarofa

crowdinchaosechoedinhisears.Mikebackpedaled,hisarmsdropping.“Time,”hiscoach,Jon,called
nonetoosoon.Mikestrippedoffhisglovesandunwoundhishandtape,breathinghard.“Arewedone?”
Jonaskedhim,raisinganeyebrow.

“Fornowweare.”
“Youallright?”
Miketookalongpullfromhiswaterbottleanddousedhisoverheated,sweat-drenchedheadwiththe

restoftheliquid.Gradually,thefamiliar,comfortinggruntsandthudsandmetalclangingofthegymbegan
tofilterbackinthroughhisaddledthoughts,pushingoutthecheersandscreamsandjeersofanAttack
ForceMMAmaineventaudience.Maybeitwasonlyhisimagination,butwhenheglancedaround,he
thoughthenoticedseveralgazessuddenlydartingoffsomewhereelse.Hewipedthesweatandwaterout
ofhiseyeswiththetowelJonhandedhim.“Yeah.”

ButJonknewhimbetterthananyoneelseinhislife,exceptformaybehisbrothers.Onlytenyears

older,he’dbeenlikeafatherfigurefromthetimeMikewasinhighschool,tryinghisdamnedesttokeep
Mike’sassoutofjuvyuntilthemagicalageofseventeenwhenhebegantryingtokeephisassoutofjail.
They’dmetwhenMikehadmarchedblackeyedintothegymJonownedanddemandedtolearnhowto
fight.Schoolyardbrawlswereallheknewbackthen,andthoughhe’dheldhisowninmostofthem,he’d
wantedskill.Heneverwantedtolose.Hewantedthosefuckerstofleeinterrorratherthanfacehim.The
onlyskillJonhadwantedtoteachhimatfirstwashowtowalkaway.Oncehefiguredthatout,Jonhad
toldhim,thenhewouldshowhimathingortwo.

Itwasstillthehardestlesson.
They’dbegunwithboxing,progressinglatertokickboxingandmixedmartialarts.Hepractically

livedinJon’sgymandshudderedtothinkwherehewouldbeifnotforthemanstandingnexttohimright
now,eyeballinghimwarily.Thatalternateuniversewouldprobablyinvolvealotmorecarnageanda
cagehecouldn’tstepoutofoncethefightwasdone.

“Youwentafteritlikeitwastryingtohityouback,”Jondrawled.
Everythinghetouchedtriedtohithimback.“Ifyouwantmetodialitdown,thentellme.”
“Ifthathadbeenafight,you’dhavebeenoutofsteambeforetheendoftheround.”
“Exceptitwasn’t.”
“Allright,”Jonconceded,obviouslysensinghisdarkmood.“Areyousleepingatnight?”
“Whatareyou,myfuckingdoctor?”
“Youlooklikeshit.”
“Thanks.”
“Youneedtotalktosomeone.”
“Italktoyou.”

“Thehellyoudo.Andaswejustestablished,Iain’tyourfuckingdoctor.”
Mikerubbedahandthroughhisshorthair.“Thendropit.”
“Great.Imightnotbeadoctor,butI’llgiveyoumyassessment.Youaren’tsleeping,youaren’teating

clean,andyou’redrinkingmorethanyoushould.AmIwarm?”

Hetossedandturnedmostnights,ateokay,andhungoutwithDamienwaytoomuch,whichwas

answerenoughtothelastofJon’sassessments.Loopinghistowelaroundhisneck,heshrugged.“I’m
doingallright.Don’tworryaboutit.I’mstillgettingmyheadstraight,it’sjusttakingsometime.”

Jon’slarge,heavyhandscamedownonhisshoulders.Mikewastallenoughthathehadtolook

slightlydownathim,butitneverfeltthatway.Theguyhadatendencytomakehimfeelfifteenagain.
“Listentome.Whateveryouneedtodotodealwiththisshit,doit.There’snoshameinaskingforhelpif
youneedit.”

Theonlythingthatwouldhelpwassomethinghecouldn’taskfor,anddamnsurecouldn’tdemand.

Somethingcompletelyoutofhiscontrol.“I’mdoingallright,J.I’mdealing.”Helaughedwithouthumor.
“YouknowhowIam.”

“Yeah,”Jonsaid,lettinghishandsslideaway.“That’swhathasmeworried.Mike,let’sremember

ourgameplan,allright?”

Mikerepeateditwithhim.“Stayreadysoyoudon’thavetogetready.”
Excepttheywereonlymeaninglesswordsthatechoedhollowlyinhishead.Themotivationbehind

themwasnolongerthere.

Itwasthesamestoryinthelockerroom;eyesshiftingawaywhenhecamein,conversationsdropping.

Acoupleoftheguysnoddedgreetings,buttheywerefasttoclearout.Whatthehelldidtheythinkhewas
goingtodo?Killthem?Feelingtightasabowstringstretchedtoitslimit,hestaredintothedepthsofhis
lockeranddespairedathoweverythinghadgonetohell.Thishadbeenhissanctuary.Thishadsavedhim.
Andithadbeenviolated.Ithadbecomeapersonalhellwherehewastormentedbyaghost.Ithadbeen
hissalvationandnowitmightbehisdamnation.Heslammedhislockerdooralittletoohardonhisway
totheshowers,andthedudeafewfeetdownfromhimpracticallyjumped.

Mikekepttheshowersprayashotashecouldstandit,hopingitwouldeasehistight,achingmuscles,

butthattensionhadnothingtodowiththeworkouthe’djustendured.Nothingatall.Onhiswaybackto
hislockertogetdressed,atowelwrappedaroundhiswaist,atrioofguyscameinlaughing.Hedidn’t
knowthem,buthe’dseenthemaround—thekindofsmarmyfratdoucheshetriedtostayclearof.Adult
versionsofthelittleassholeswho’dgivenhimthemostshitthroughouthislife.Theloudestandblondest
oneofthebunchmadedirecteyecontactwithhim,tiltedhischinupandsaid,withashittyglintinhiseye,
“What’sup,killa?”

Mikestoppeddead,furyseemingtoboilupfromtheverysolesofhisfeet.“Thefuckyoujustsayto

me?”

Slack-jawed,theguysfroze.Thespeaker,theblondkingofthedouches,puthishandsuppalmsout.

“Bro,Ididn’t—”

“I’mnotyourfuckingbro.”
“Itwasjusta—Ididn’tmean—Itwasafigureofspeech—”
“Itwasthewrongone.Tryagain.”
“Um...”Chucklingnervously,theguyglancedtohisfriendsforhelp,buttheywerepullingthewhole

lookawaything.“What’sup...dude?”

Itwasn’tmuchbetter,butsincetheguylookedlikehewasabouttopisshimself,Mikegaveacurtnod

andmovedontohislockertogetdressed.Theroomwassilentenoughtohearapindropuntilhelefta
fewminuteslater,hisheartstillbeatingaragged,unfulfilledrhythm.Littleshits.Hehadnodoubtthey’d

knownexactlywhohewas,buthadfeltsafeintheirnumbers.Mikehadfacedworseoddsthanthatand
comeoutontop;numbersdidn’timpresshimandtheydamnsuredidn’tmakehimbackdown.

Hethrewhimselfintohistruck,onlythenrealizinghowhardhewasstillbreathingfromtheencounter,

thinkingmaybehe’dcutoutfromhisworkouttoosoon.Rightaboutnowitwouldfeelgoodtobeatthe
helloutofsomething.ItwasJon’sinfluencethathewasthinkingaboutthebagandnotthatotherguy’s
face.TheywereprobablyrunningtoJontocomplain;Mikewouldexpectacallaboutthatlater,ifnotin
thenexttenminutes.

Absentlycheckinghisphoneatthethought,hisbreathcaughtandshudderedout,slowingimmediately.

Savannah.He’dmissedacallfromSavannah,andshe’dleftavoicemail.

Heartbeatingraggedlynowforanentirelydifferentreason,hebroughtthephonetohisear,

anticipatinghearingherangel-sweetvoiceandwonderingifitwouldbethebalmtohissoulhehopedit
would.Depends,hethought,onwhatshehastosay.

“Hi,Mike?SorryImissedyou.Ihatetalkingtothesethings,too.Andyou’reprobablythinking,‘Then

whydon’tyoutext?’WhichiswhatI’maskingmyselfrightnow.”Shechuckledandhefoundhimself
smiling.“Listen,ItoldRowanaboutyourofferand,well,Iguesswe’rein!TheHoustonshowwouldbe
easiestforus.So,um,justcallmebackwithdetailsorwhatever,okay?Okay.Um...thanks.Bye.”

Hewasactuallysurprisedsherememberedtheirmidnightconversation,truthbeknown.Hersleepy

voicehadslurredonmorethanoneoccasionandhe’dthoughtshemightdriftoffrightthereonthephone
withhim.Ifhewantedtobeperfectlyhonestwithhimself,someofhissleeplessnightshadbeenmore
abouthopingshewasallrightandwonderingifhewouldeverhearthatvoiceagainthananypersonal
tormenthewasexperiencing.

Sheansweredrightawaywhenhecalledback,hercheerygreetingalittlebreathless.Foramoment,

hecouldn’tthinkstraight.“Savannah,hey.Igotyourmessage.”

“Oh,great.SoIguessyouknow?Well,obviously,youknow.Yougotthemessage.Um...”
Grinning,hebailedherout.“Doyouthinkyoutwowouldratherdriveover,orfly?”
“Rowanhatesflying.Shewillwhenshehasto.Butthat’sprobablythemainreasonshewantstodo

theHoustondate.It’sfairlyclose.”

Hedidn’tlikethethoughtofthemontheroadforthatlong;theywouldbesaferinthesky.Butof

course,itwasuptothem.“Yeah,butonehourintheairandyou’dbehere.Versusfiveinacar.”

“Believeme,Iknow.MaybeIcantalkherintoit.”
“LetmeknowsoIcanarrangeeverything.I’llgetZanetotellhispeopletoputyouguysontheguest

list.”

“And...you’llbethere?”
“I’llbearound,yeah.”Hismoodhadbrightenedconsiderablyafterhearingfromher,butasthereality

ofthesituationsankbackin,itdarkenedonceagain.“Iwon’tmakeyoutellmetosteerclear.Iknow.If
eitherofyouneedanything,I’mthereandyouhavemynumber,butotherthanthat,I’llkeepmydistance.”

“Mike...”Somethinghelplessandsadinhervoice.Itstilledeverythinginsidehim.Heart,lungs,life

itself.Itallseemedtopause,onhold,waitingforherthoughts.“I’msorry,”shefinished,andeverything
reluctantlystartedbackupagain,alittlesadder,alittlegrimmer.

“Youdon’thavetoapologizetome,Savannah.Ever.”
“Howhaveyoubeen?”
Hethoughtofthetriointhelockerroom,theshiftygazes,theviolatedsanctuary.Theghosts.Rubbing

hisforehead,hetoldher,“I’mhanginginthere.Justgotdoneatthegym.Whataboutyou?”

“IspentthedaywithRowan,planningthenursery.I’mhangingintheretoo,Iguess.It’shard.”
“Iknow.”

“Sheseemsalittlebettertoday.Theideaofgettingtomeetyourbrotherturnedherintoascreeching

fangirlforafewminutes.Despiteeverything,Ithinkshemighthaveatinybitofacrush.”

Heburstoutlaughingatthat.“Oh,God.Inthatcase,Ihopeshe’snotincrediblydisappointed.I’llhave

totellhimtobeonhisbestbehavior.”

“So,ishe...bad?”
“No,notreally.Itrytokeephimhumble.Everythingblewupsofastforthem,Iguesshe’sdealing

withitasbesthecan.”

“Thefighterandthesinger.Whatdoesyourotherbrotherdo?”
Hellonlyknew.“He’stheplayer.”
“Ishefamoustoo,then?”Amusementtingedhervoice.
“Amongcertaincircles.He’sapokerchampwithhisownnightclub.Ihavenoideawhathe’supto

mostofthetime.”Whichwasprobablyagoodthing.Thepokerroomalonecarriedthethreatofafelony.

“Youhaveaveryinterestingfamily,Michael.”
Youdon’tknowthehalfofit,hethought,hismouthsettinginatightline.Noone,notevenJon,knew

everythingthey’dhadtoenduretosurvive,letalonemakesomethingofthemselves.Alotofsweatand
tears.Morethanalittleblood.

Ifhehadhisway,noonewouldeverknow,thoughthemediahadbecomequitefondofunearthingthe

dried-upbonesofhispasteversinceTommyDugasdiedathishands.Hedidn’tdoubttherewerepeople
who,ifthey’ddugdeepenough,believedhehaddoneitonpurpose,thathisfightingwasonlyanoutletto
workoutsomeinnateviolenceandaggression.Itwassimplyallhe’deverknown,allhe’deverbeen
goodat.MaybeifhecouldsinglikeZaneorreadpeoplelikeDamien,hewouldbedoingsomething
differentwithhislife.

Butitwasn’ttobe.
“Areyoustillthere?”Savannahasked,andhemadeanefforttoshakehimselfoutofhismentalfunk.

Forher.

“Yeah,I’mhere.SoI’lltalktoZane,andyouletmeknowifyouchangeyourmindaboutflying.Ithink

youshould,butit’suptoyou.SaythewordandIcanhaveacarpickyouupattheairportandbringyouto
thevenue.”

“Tellyouwhat,leaveittome,”shesaidconfidently.“Iwillmakesurethegirlgetsonaplane.”
“Allright.Talktoyousoon?”
Nowitwasherturntobesilentuntilhealmostaskedifshewasstillthere.Butwhateverhermoment

wasabout,itpassedaswell.“Sure.Bye,Mike.”

Savannahstaredatherphoneforagoodtwominutesafterhangingitup,muddlingthroughthemixof
sweetandsour,comfortandsorrowtalkingtoMikealwaysevokedinher.Shemightaswellfaceit:he
wassomeoneshedesperatelywishedshecouldhavemetunderdifferentcircumstances.Butnomatter
howsheloathedit,theseweretheircircumstances,andtherewasnothingtobedoneaboutthem.

Sighing,sheplacedherphoneasideandtuckedherlegsunderneathher,staringacrossherlivingroom

tothefamilyportraithangingonherwall.TheDugasfamilyinitsentirety:hermomanddad,herself,
TommyandRowan.Allwearingwhiteandsmilinginbright,beautifullygreensurroundings.Noneofthem
withanyideawhatthefutureheld.

She’dalmosttoldMikethatshewantedtoseehim.Thathisbeingaroundwasn’tenough.Butitwas

nouse,becauseshewouldbewithRowan,andRowanwouldn’thaveit.Shehadtorespectherwishes
aboveallelse.

Hopefullythisentirethingwasn’tadisasterwaitingtohappen.
“Whatwouldyouthink?”sheaskedherbrother’simage,butofcourseTommyhadnoanswerforher.

He’dneverreallyfitintotheprotectiveolderbrotherbit,ifonlybecauseSavannahhadneverneeded
muchprotecting,preferringtogetherselfoutofherownmesses.Shewasataloss,though,inasituation
likethis.“That’swhatIthought,”shemuttered,leaningherheadbackonthecouch.Shemighthaveeven
dozedforawhile;whenthephonerangitjarredheroutofadreamaboutMikeLarson’scoldblueeyes
turningaswarmasthesummersky.

ItwasRowan.“Idecidedonthesage,”shesaidbywayofgreeting.
“We’reflying,”Savannahreplied,bracingherselffortheoutcry.
“Okay,”Rowansaidsimply.
“Wait,really?Iexpectedyoutohowlyouroutrageaboutturbulenceandrecycledair,especiallysince

youcan’tdrink.”

“I’mgettingtomeetZane.I’llflyanhourforthat.I’dprobablyflytenhoursforthat.”
“Well.Thatwaseasy.”
“AndI’mgoingtoyourparents’fordinnertonight.Areyoucoming?”
Savannahfrowned.Hermomhadmadetheinvitation,butshehadn’tfeltuptoitatall.“Idon’tthink

so.”

“Whynot?”
“Notinthemood.”
“Savvy?Ithinkyou’realonetoomuch.”
Maybeshewas.Butsittingatherparents’dinnertablelookingaroundatnothingbutgloomyfaces

staringbackatherowngloomyfacedamnsurewouldn’tliftherspiritsany.Givehercoldpizza,Netflix,
andaCoronaanyday.Goodastherapy.Soshetoldherself.

“Ilikebeingalone.”
“Iknow,but...”Rowansighed.Sheknewbynowhowwellarguingwouldwork.“Nevermind.”
Hell.Maybesheshouldgo.SheknewwhatRowanwasthinking;Savannahhadneverreallydealt

withanyofthis.Well,theydidn’tseeherbehindcloseddoors,didn’tseethemessshewassometimes.
Andthatwasexactlythewayshelikedit;nooneneededtoseethat.Sohomeitwas—shewasfeelinga
littlerawtonight.“Thanks,though.AndI’mserious,Rowan...Momdoesn’tneedtoknowathingabout
usgoingtoHouston.Agreed?Youwon’tcrack?”

“No,”Rowansaidwithaheavy,exasperatedsigh.“Iwon’tcrack.”
She’llmostdefinitelycrack,Savannahthought.

ChapterSix

“Ihaveapooch!”Rowanexclaimed.

“Um,you’repregnant.Ofcourseyouhaveapooch.”
“ButI’monlytenweeks.IthoughtIwouldn’tshowuntil,Idon’tknow,fourmonths.”
Havingneverbeenpregnant,Savannahhadnopersonalexperience,butevenshenearlyspitoutthe

drinkofwatershe’djusttaken.“Yeah,thatsoundshighlyimprobable.Butyou’retiny,Ro.Itmakessense
youwouldshowearly.”SheeyedRowan’salmostnonexistent“pooch,”mostlyhiddenunderhersparkly
T-shirt,andgiggled.“Thatcouldbeababyoritcouldbeacheeseburger.Youcanbarelytellit’sthere.”

“Ican.Myjeansaresotight.”
“Butyourboobsarerockin’,”Savannahpointedout.Shewasalittlejealous,consideringherself

lackinginthatparticulararea.Rowanpuffedoutherchestinthefull-lengthmirror,suckinginher
stomach.Savannahburstoutlaughing.“Nowyoujustlookgoofy.”

Rowan’soveremphasizedboobsdeflatedassheslouched.“Ifeelkindofgoofy.Goingbackstageata

rockconcertknockedup.Hell.WhatamIdoing?”

Savannahmethereyesinthemirror.“You’regettingyourlifeback,mydear.There’snothingwrong

withthat.”

“Ikeepthinkingit’stoosoon.ButthenItellmyself,it’sokaytohavefunthisonenight.Justtonight.

Right?Icanbesadtomorrow,Icanbesadfortherestofthismonthandallofthenext,ortherestofmy
lifeifIhavetobe.Ijust...Ineedthisonenightoff.”

“Youdeserveit,hon.Nooneistryingtotakeitawayfromyou.”
“Yourmomdid.”
“AndItoldyounottotellher,didn’tI?”
“Itjustkindofcameout.”
Yep.She’dcracked.Thismighthaveactuallybeenanewrecord.“AsIknewitwould.Anyway,

there’snobeingsadtomorrow,either.Tomorrowisourday.”Savannaheyedtheinsideofherovernight
bagcritically.Theirflightleftinthreehours,andshewasprettysureshehadeverythingsheneeded.They
wouldgostraighttothevenuefromtheairport,andafterward,MikehadsetthemupatHotelZaZafor
twonights.Poolvillas.Savannahhaddrooledoverpicturesshe’dfoundonline,andthecloseritgrewto
timetoleave,themoreexcitedshebecame.SheandRowanbothneededthissobadly.

Theywouldhavealldaytomorrowtorelax,shop,getpedicures,whatevertheywanted.Savannah

wasreadytobetheonepamperedinsteadoftheonepamperingforachange.Shecoulddowitha
massageherself.Allthestressofthepastfewweekshadaccumulatedinatightknotatthebaseofher
neck.

“Isittimetoleaveyet?”Rowanasked,stilleyeingherformcriticallyinthemirror.
Savannahglancedatherslimsilverwatch.“Notquite.”
“Canwegoanyway?”
“Youwanttohangaroundtheairportforthreehours?”
“Betterthanhangingaroundhere.”
“Let’sgiveitthirtymoreminutes.”
“Fine.”

“Oh,hell,nevermind.Let’sgo.”
Rowanpracticallyleapedoverthestorageottomanattheendofherbedinhergiddyhastetosnatch

upherovernightbag.Chuckling,Savannahzippedupherownandfollowedheroutofthebedroom.
Rowan,ofcourse,insistedonplayingAugustonFireallthewaytotheairport,andSavannahhadto
admitthatwhileitwasn’therkindofmusic—alittleraucousforhertastes—Zanehadagoodvoice.Of
course,theywouldseehowtruethatheldwhentheyheardhimsinglive.Somanyartiststhesedayshadto
relyonAuto-Tune,andshe’dseenmorethanenoughliveactstoknowsomeofthemcouldn’treplicate
theirstudiovoices.

Rowansangeverywordalongwithhim.Everysingleword.Mostofthosewordswereaboutloss,

searchingforsomethingandneverfindingit,orbeingtreatedliketrash.Cheerful.

“Howdoesthisnotdepressyouevenmore?”SavannahaskedasRowanhittheblinkertoexitoffI-10

toLouisArmstrongInternational.

“Idon’tknow,butitdoesn’t.Ithelpsputeverythinginperspective,Iguess.Everyonesuffers.Some

aresufferingworsethanIam.There’sstrengthtobefoundinthat.”

Shehadcertainlyknownenoughgrieftoknowwhatworkedforher.“Whateveryousay.Iusuallyturn

tocomedywhenIneedcheeringup.”

“See,thatalwaysmakesmefeelworse.Ineedtowallowinit.”
“Idon’tknowhowyou’reholdingupwhenI’mnotwithyou,butIthinkyou’redoinggreat.”
Underherdark,oversizedsunglasses,Rowan’scupid’sbowmouthtightenedabit.“I’mdoingokay.

Nighttimeistheworst.”

“Iunderstand.”
“OneofthereasonsI’msoexcitedtogetoutofthehouse.SleepinginourbedwithTommynotthere.

..sometimesIcan’t.IhavetogototheguestroomorfallasleeponthecouchwatchingTV.”

“Youcanalwayscomestaywithme,ifyouneedto.OrI’msuretheparentswouldlovetohaveyou.”
“I’veactuallydonethatatimeortwo.”
Wow.Savannahhadn’tknownthat.AtleastRowanfeltlikeshehadsomewheretogo.“Istillcan’t

believeyoutoldMomweweredoingthis.”

“I’msorry.Youknow,shealmosttalkedmeoutofit.Almost.”
“Noway!”
“She’sverypersuasive.”
“Believeme,Iknow.”
“Sheactuallyasked,‘Whatifthey’redoingthatcrowdsurfingthingandyougetkickedinthe

stomach?’”

“OhmyGod.Didyoutellherwe’regoingtobesidestage?”
“Yep.Thatpresentedawholenewbunchofproblems.Apparentlywe’regoingtogetkidnappedby

roadiesorforcedtodosexualfavorsordrugged.”

“Youdidn’tmentionthatMikesetthiswholethingupdid,though,didyou?Orthatthere’sany

connectionthereatall?”

Rowanshookherheadadamantly.“Hellno.Ican’tmentionhimever.”
“Istillthinkyou’retoohardonhim.”
“Whatdifferencedoesitmake?IfIneverheardhisnameagain,thatwouldbefinewithme.WhydoI

havetobeniceandforgiving?Hetookmyhusbandaway.”Rowan’svoicerosehigherthelongershe
spoke.

“Allright,allright,don’tgetupset.We’redoingthistohavefun,right?Wewon’tmentionhimagain.

But...heisZane’sbrother,youknow.”

Rowanpushedhersunglassestothetopofherheadasshereadsignsdirectingthemwheretopark.

“AndZaneissomeoneI’llhavecontactwithexactlyonetime.Tonight.Done.”

Snickering,Savannahduginherpurseforherphonetocheckfortexts.None.Shewasalittle

disappointed.AndalittlenervousabouteventhepossibilityofbumpingintoMikeagain.

“Whatareyousmirkingabout?”
“So,like...whatifthecompletelyunfeasiblehappensandZaneLarsonfallsinlovewithyouon

sight?”

Rowanbarkedwithlaughter.“Fat.Chance.”
“Strangerthingshavehappened.Seriously,whatwouldyoudo?”
“God,Savannah!There’snosenseineventhinkingaboutthat.I’msureI’llgetallofthirtysecondsin

thesameroomwithhim.Besides...no.Tommy’sgone,butnotfrommyheart,youknow?”Shecould
probablygetmoretimewithZaneifonlyshewouldbealittlenicertoMichael,butthatwasnoneof
Savannah’sbusiness.

“Iknow,”Savannahsaidlightly.Rowanstillworeherweddingring;thediamondflashedinthe

sunlightevennow.“It’stoosoonforyou.But,you’reyoung,extremelypretty—”

“Extremelypregnant.”
“Well,notextremely.Notyet.”Shelaughed,glancingdownatRowan’sstill-flatstomach.Orher

pooch,assheinsisted.“I’mjustwarningyounow.Myparentsaregoingtomakeitextremelyhardforyou
tobreakawayandhavearelationshipwhenyou’reready.Tommywastheirbabyboy,andmymother
wouldhaveacoronarytothinkthatyouwouldevendareconsidermovingonfromhismemory.Lookhow
shereactedtoyougoingawaywithmefortheweekend.”

Rowansighed.“Toomuchtoworryaboutrightnow.We’llcrossthatbridgewhenwecometoit.I

doubtwewillforalong,longtime.”

Thewaitfortheflightwastorture,butatleasttheflightitselfwasontimeandshort.Rowancowered

intheaisleseat,jumpingateverylittlebumpofturbulenceandnotwantingtobeanywherenearthe
windowdespiteSavannahcoaxinghertotakealook.Savannahgazedoutatthecloudsformostofthe
trip,herearbudsin,herthoughtsonthenightahead.Shehadnoideawhatitwouldhold,butshebetit
wouldn’tbeboring.

BushIntercontinentalwasamonstrosity.SavannahhadtextedMiketheirgatenumberassoonassheknew
it,andheassuredherthatacarwouldbewaitingforthemattheirterminal’spassengerpickup.Not
havinganybaggagetoclaim,theymadestraightforthedoors,buttheydidn’thavetosearch;amanina
chauffeur’suniformstoodintheareaholdingasignreading

DUGAS

.

“Fancy,”Rowanmutteredgiddily,andtheyscuttledovertohim.Hetookbothoftheirbagsandled

themoutthebankofdoors...toablindinglywhiteNavigatorstretchlimoparkedatthecurb.

“Wow,”SavannahsaidasRowansettledfor“Oh.Em.Gee.”SheturnedbiggreeneyesonSavannah.

“We’regoingallhighclass.”

Savannahshookherheaddazedly.Wasthisright?Mustbe;thedriverpoppedopenthedooratthe

backandhelpedbothgirlsinside.“Allhesaidwasacar,”shewhisperedtoRowanastheysettledonthe
seat,takinginthesumptuousinterior.Itwasallwhiteleather,soimmaculatethatshewasafraidtotouch
anythinglestsheleaveasmudge,ordirtyupthepristinewhitecarpetbeneathherfeet.Thecleansmellof
leatherwasheadyandintoxicating.“Iexpected...youknow,acar.”

“Thisisamazing!Doyouthinkit’sZane’sprivatelimo?Probablynot,right?ButImean,it’sreally

nice.Doyouthinkhe’sactuallybeeninhere?”Rowanwasallovertheplace,takinginthewetbar,flat-

screenTV,andalltheoverheadcontrols.

“Ihavenoidea.”Savannahgazedupthroughthetintedsunroofforamoment,thenliftedhercellphone

andshotMikeatext.JustgotintheCAR.Wow!We’reliketwokidsina
candystore.Thankyou!RowanwantstoknowifZanemighthavebeen
inhere.

HisreplycameastheNavigatorpulledslowlyawayfromthecurb.Itbroughtustothe

venueacoupleofhoursago,soyes.Andyou’rewelcome.Havefun.

“Rowan,mydear,getreadytosqueal.”
“Whatwhatwhat?”
“ZaneLarson’sasswasincontactwiththeseleatherseatsnomorethantwohoursago.”
WhichpromptedRowantoexpiredramaticallyacrossthelongseatthatranthelengthofthevehicle.

Savannahlaughed,enjoyingseeingherhavefunagain.“Thisisso.Fucking.Unbelievable.”

“Ineedadrink,”Savannahsaidinagreement,staringatthewetbaracrossfromthem.ShesentRowan

anapologeticlook.“ButI’llabstainoutofrespect,Iguess.”

Seemingtorealizeshewasdemolishingherhair,Rowansatupandgrabbedacompactmirroroutof

herpurse.“Idon’tmind.Knockyourselfout.EvenifIweren’tpregnant,I’dwantallmysensesaboutme.
Idon’twanttoforgetaminuteofthis.”Afterassessingthedamage,shepulledamakeupbagoutofher
carry-onandsetabouttouchingup.Forsomeonewhoonlyexpectedtoseetheguyforthirtyseconds,she
wassuretryingtolookhotforhim.ButSavannahcouldn’tblameher.Whodidn’twanttolooktheirbest
whentheyweremeetingarockstar?Shemighthavesomedamagetorepairherself.

“Ohplease,”RowansaidwhenSavannahpulledoutherownmuchsmallerbag.“Likeyouneedit.

Someofusweren’tblessedwithperfectcomplexions.”

Savannahdidn’tcommentthatshewasforevergratefulforhercomplexionbecauseshewashopeless

withmostmakeup.Itjustwasn’therthing,butthenthatwasprobablybecauseshe’dneverneededit.
Somemascara,atouchofeyelinerandlipgloss,andshewasgoodtogo.“Sorry.IwouldshareifI
could.”

“Youhaveyourmom’sskin.SodidTommy.I’vealwaysbeensojealous.”
“WehaveourLouisianaCreolegrandmothertothankforit.”
“Iknow.Yourmomshowedmepicturesonce.Shewasgorgeous.AndspokefluentFrench,right?”
“Maisoui.”
“Yousexypeoplewhodon’tevenhavetotrymakemewanttovomit.Nooffense.”
“Trustme,Ro.Ihavetotry.”Asevidencedbythefactthatshehadn’thadamanin...God,longer

thanshewantedtothinkabout.She’dhadsomegoodrelationships—onelastingoverayear,acoupleof
othersthatmadetheeight-andten-monthmark.Butinbetweenthosehadbeenawholelotofnothing,and
thelatesthadendedalmosttwoyearsago.Soyeah.Shewasonlytwenty-seven,butthirtywascoming
awfullyfast.Tohearherrelativestellit,fortycameevenfaster.

Oneofherbiggestfearsinlifewastowakeuponedayoldandalone,parentsgone,nokidsor

grandkidscomingtovisit.

Andwasn’tthatacheerfulthoughttohaveinalimoonthewaytomeetacelebrity?
TheygazedoutthewindowsattheHoustonskylineasitappearedinthedistance,ahazeatfirst,

loomingevercloserandclearerastheorangeglowoftwilightsetin.Savannah’sheartratekickedup.
Mike’stown.Zane’stowntoo.She’dbeenhereacoupleoftimesbefore,butyearsago,andhadlikedit—
thesprawlingmixofurbanandruralinfluence,theTex-Mex,thebarbecue.Yeah,assomeonewholoved
toeat,shewaspronetojudgingacitybyitsfood.Ofcourse,forthat,inheropinionyoucouldn’tbeather
hometown.Itwasinacompletelydifferentworld.

Shecouldn’thelpbutwonderwhatlifehadbeenlikefortheLarsonboysgrowingupamongallthis.

Mikewithhisfighting,hisintensity,Zanewithhisbleak,sullenlyrics...andnotellingwhatstoriestheir
otherbrotherhadtotell.

IfshesawMiketonight,damnifshewasgoingtoshunhim,nomatterwhatRowanthought.Hehad

madethispossibleforthem.

TheToyotaCenterwasamassivevenuenestledindowntown,andthelineofpeoplewaitingtoget

insideassoonasthedoorsopenedhadalreadybegunforming...andlongago,judgingbythelengthof
it.Headsturnedasthelimocruisedby,peoplepointedandcranedtheirnecks,obviouslywonderingwho
mightbebehindtheblacked-outwindows.Savannahchuckledtothinkwhatthey’dsayiftheyknew:justa
coupleofNewOrleansnobodieswiththeirnosespracticallypressedtotheglass,marvelingatthe
excitementofitall.

“IthoughtseeingallthefansatTommy’sfightswouldhavepreparedmeforthis,butthisisonawhole

otherlevel.”

“AndTommyneverlikedthespotlight,sohemadeapointofstayingasfarfromthelimelightashe

could.”

“Ineverunderstoodthat,”saidRowan.“Imean,Iunderstandwhyhedidn’tliketheattention.Forhim

itwasallaboutthefight.Butifitwasme,I’dlovetogetoutofacarandhaveahugecrowdofpeoplego
berserk.”

“Buttheinvasionofyourprivacy,thejudgmentabouteverylittlethingyoudo...Iscrewupenough

withoutthewholeworldwatching.”

“Yeah,thatpartwouldsuck.You’dhavetobeabletoshrugitoff.”
SomethingthatSavannahwouldprobablybemorecapableofdoingthanRowan,butshekeptthat

opiniontoherself.Rowancaredtoomuchaboutwhatpeoplethoughtofher.Shewouldneverbeableto
handleit.

Thelimopulledaroundtothebackofthevenue,neartheloadingdocksandbackstagearea.Crew,

security,androadieswereeverywhere,andRowanpracticallybouncedinherseat.“Ohmigod,ohmigod,
we’resoclosetomeetinghim,ohmigawwwd...”

“Areyougoingtolivethroughthis?”
“Idon’tknow.Ihavebutterflies.Ifeelsick.”
“Ireallyhopehe’sallyouwanthimtobe.”
“Well,hecan’tpossiblybe.I’mpreparedforthat.”
Shesaidit,butSavannahwasn’tquitesureshebelievedit.

ChapterSeven

Mikestoodbesidehisbrother,armscrossed,surveyingthecrowdfromhisspotatsidestage.Thehouse
lightswereupandhecouldseeseveralthousandfacesintheaudience,asold-outcrowd.Thefloorwas
fullandtheseatswerefillingupallthewayintothenosebleeds,sofarawaytheywerenearlylostin
shadow.Italwaysmadehimnervoustothinkofhislittlebrotheronthatstageinfrontofallthosepeople
whereanymaniaccouldpullagunorsomeshitlikethat.Hedidn’texactlyhavetheutmostconfidencein
securitychecks.

ButifZanehadanysimilarthoughts,youwouldn’tknowittolookathim.Hisbandhadalready

huddledup,armsaroundeachother,alittlebondingmomenttheyalwayssharedbeforetheytookthe
stage.Peoplescurriedeverywhere.Guitartechsmadelast-minuteadjustments.Miccheckwasdone.The
stagehandsbegantoclearout.

ThatwaswhenNicolesidleduptohim,slidingahandaroundhiswaist.Foronecompletely,

absolutely,out-of-his-fucking-mindinsanemoment,hethoughtitmightbeSavannah.“Hey,you,”she
purred.“Haven’tseenyouaroundforawhile.”

Yeah,takinganotherperson’slifewilldothattoyou.Hehadtostopthinkinglikethis.Butitirked

himwhenpeoplehehadn’tseensincetheaccidentactedasifnothinghadhappened.Hisfuckingworld
hadreset,andtheywereabletoignoreit.“I’malwaysaround,”hetoldhernonchalantly.

Nicolewasafriend.Whenbothofthemwereboredorlonelyorhornyorallthree,shewasalittle

more.He’dknownshewascomingouttonight,buthe’dhopedhewouldn’tbumpintoher.Knowing
Savannahwasonthescene,hewasn’tinthemoodforfendingoffNicole’sadvances.Andthatdidn’t
makeanysensetohim,really,butwhenheexaminedthesourceofhisuneaseatNicole’ssudden
appearanceathisside,hediscoveredthetallNewOrleansbeautyatitscore.

Nicolebrieflylaidherheadagainsthisshoulderwhileheshifteduncomfortably,resistingtheurgeto

shrugheroff.“Well,Imissedyou.”

“Yougotmynumber.”
“Rude,”sheteased,buthehadnodoubtsbythesultrysweetnessofhervoicethatoneofthethree

criteriafortheirhookingupwasonthetabletonight.

Hechosenottoreply.Forthemoment.Acrossthestage,hesawRowanandSavannahmaterializein

frontofthesmallside-stagecrowdwhilearoadiesetdownachairforRowan’suse.

Fuck.Savannah.Ifshecouldbestandingbesidehimrightnow,hewouldn’tbeplottinganescapefor

anythingintheworld.Butfornow,allhecoulddowaswatch.Hewouldn’tletheroutofhissightifhe
hadanychoiceinthematter.

Buthedidn’t,andneverwould.

“What?”RowanaskedaccusinglyaftercatchingSavannahlookingatherforthethirdtime.

Savannahsnatchedhergazeaway.“Nothing.”
“Savvy.Something’sonyourbrain.”
“Ifyoumustknow...yeah,thatconversationwehadinthecaronthewaytotheairportisonmy

brain.”

Rowandidn’thavetoaskwhichconversationthatwas.Shesaidaquickthankstothecrewmember

whosetherachairatthefrontoftheside-stagecrowdandperchedonit.Savannahkneltdownsoshe
couldhearherovertherestlesshumofthecrowd.“Wewerejusttalking.”

RowanhadspentanalarmingamountoftimeinZane’sdressingroomafterhisassistanthadcometo

fetchhersoonafterthegirlsreachedthevenue.Savannahhadbeeninvited,butshe’ddeclined,preferring
toletRowanhavehermoment.Nowshewonderedifthathadbeenagoodidea.“Whatdidyoutalk
about?”

“Thetour,howmuchIlovehismusic—thesameboringshitheprobablyhearsfromhisfansdayafter

dayafterday.Hewasverycooltoletushangoutlikethat.Igetthefeelingnotmanypeoplegetto.”

AndyouhaveMiketothankforthat,shewantedtopointout,butsheheldhertongueonthematter.It

wasgettingtooloudandrowdytohaveaconversationinhere,anyway.

Shestoodup,andallatonceeverylightinthearenawentout.Aroarrosefromthecrowd,surging

andshiftingintheairlikealivingthing,electric,raisingthehairatSavannah’snape.Acrosstheseaof
people,tinylightssprangup—peopleholdinguptheircellphones.Besideher,Rowanshotupfromher
chairandclutchedSavannah’sarminexcitement.AsuddenflashbacktoTommy’sfuneralwhenRowan
hadleanedonherforsupportshookherforasecond,makingherbreathshudderoutandkickingherheart
rateintodoubletime.Dizzinesswashedoverher,andthenavoicesoundedinthedarkness,aloneand
soaringandcompetingwiththeexplosionofadulationfromtheaudience.Evenoveritall,Savannah
heardRowanshriekbesideher,andeverythingwasokayagain.

Okay,sohe’sprettygoodafterall,shethought,justasabluespotlighthitZane’ssolitaryfigureonthe

stage.Thewhiteofhisclothesglowedeerilyashesangintothemicinfrontofhim,completelystill.She
didn’tknowmanyoftheband’ssongs,andcaughtupinthemoment,shedidn’tpaymuchattentiontothe
lyricshesanginarich,deepvibrato.Itwasdifficulttoreconcilethatsoaringvoicewiththeguyshe’d
spokenwithonlyalittlewhileago.

Afterhisacappellaopening,themusickickedinallatoncewitharollofthunderingbassand

grindingguitars.Eventhemosthardenedcriticcouldn’thaveresistedbouncingwiththatbeat,and
Savannahfoundherselfnoddingalongbesidehergiddysister-in-law.Sidestage.Atarockconcert.
Neverinamillionyearswouldsheeverhaveimaginedherselfhere.Butitwasprettyamazing
nevertheless.

ShemighthavemisgivingsaboutZane,buttherewasnodoubthemadeRowansmileagain.Seeing

herhavefunwasthebestpart,thatutterlyblissed-outlookonherface,singingeverywordandswaying
anddancingbesideherwhileheprowledthestageandwhippedthecrowdintoaheatedfrenzy.Shewas
sodifferentfromthatunrecognizable,brokenwomanafewweeksago.Forthatreason,andthatone
alone,SavannahcouldhavefoundMikeandkissedhim.

Andtherewasathoughtshedidn’tneedtoentertain,becauseitshimmeredthroughherlikelightning.

Nosoonerhadshetrounceditintothefarthestreachesofhermindthanshesawhimstandingontheother
sideofalltheactiononthestage,nearlylostamongtheshadowsandtheclusterofpeople.

Couldheseehertoo?Shekindofhopedso;maybeitwouldmakehimfeelbettertoseethemhaving

funforachange.Chargedwiththeidea,shewavedfranticallyathim,hopingRowanwouldn’tnotice—
andshewouldn’t,becauseshewasinherownlittleworld,carriedawaybythemusic.Sureenough,even
fromthisdistance,SavannahsawthewhiteofMike’ssmileandhiscasualwaveinreturn.

Thenherownsmilefaltered.Becausehewasn’talone.Besidehimstoodastatuesqueblonde

completeincorset,revealinganabundanceofflesh,andtightrippedjeanswithtallbootsencasingher
slimcalves.Nodoubtthosebootssportedfour-orfive-inchheels;shelookedincrediblytallstanding
besidehim.Andincrediblygood.Atfirst,Savannahcouldhavesurmisedshewasjustagroupiewhohad

wanderedin,butwhenthewomanputherhandonhisshoulderandstoodontiptoetospeakintohisear,
thatideadiedscreaming.

Suddenlyshefeltsick.
Agirlfriend?Hadhehadoneallthistime?Notthatitwasanyofherbusiness;itwasn’tasifshe’d

hadanyexpectationsatall.Atall.Theywereonlytwopeopletryingtocometogripswiththeirnew
realities.Toevencontemplateitbeinganythingmorethanthatwascrazy.Butdamn.She’dneverreally
consideredthathemightbetaken.

Rowandancedon,oblivious,butsomethinghaddulledthefragilemagicofthenight,andSavannah

wasleftponderingexactlywhatthatmeant.

Nothing,it’snothing.Youhadtoexpectit.He’sanattractiveguyandbuiltlikeagod.Whywouldn’t

hehaveagoddessathisside?Andwhydoyoucare?

Maybebecausehehadsomeoneandshedidn’t.Someonetoholdherandhelpherendurethelong,sad

nights.Wouldn’tthatmakeitallsomuchmorebearable?Ifhehadthatandshedidn’t,well,shewas
envious.Andthatwasit.

ThesongendedandRowanthrustbothherarmsintheair,cheeringalongwiththerestofthecrowd.

Acrossthestage,Mike’scompanionwasdoingthesamething.Hestoodstill,though,hisarmscrossed
overhisbroadchest,watchingthecrowdbeneaththebillofhiscap.WhenhisheadturnedinSavannah’s
directionagain,hiseyeswerelostinshadowbutsomehowshefeltthem.Sheknewtheywereonher,that
sharpblueiceroamingupanddownherbody.

Awarmflushcreptupherneckandshepluckedathershirtcollar,flutteringitagainstherneck.So

manypeoplecrowdedinhere,bodiespressedinonallsides.Itwasstartingtomakehersweat.

Songaftersong,Zaneheldthecrowdinhisthrall,butnonemoresothanRowan.Savannahhadnever

seenthegirllikethisbefore.“Screechingfangirl”didn’tevenbegintocoverit.Ravinglunaticwasmore
likeit.

“Doyouneedabreak?”Savannahhadtoshouttobeheardoverthenoise,andeventhenshehadto

repeatherselftwicemore.Rowan’shairwassoppingwithsweat,butsheshookherheadadamantlyasthe
bandlaunchedintothenextsong.Itwasgood,butitwasinsanelyloudandbeginningtograteon
Savannah’snerves.Herearswereringing.Asteadythrobhadsetupinherhead.

Hopingaquickbathroombreakwouldhelp,sheslippedfromtheclusterofonlookers.Rowan

wouldn’tmissherforafewminutesandbesides,Zanehadassignedaroadietokeepaneyeonherand
makesurenoonetriedtostealherspotatthefront.ButSavannah’ssearchforabathroomtookher
throughthelabyrinthinebackstagearea,andbeforesheknewwhatwashappening,shewasontheother
sideofthebuilding,andsuddenlyMikewasinfrontofher.

Shenearlyleaptbackward,andhestoppedmidstride.“Hey,”sheblurtedoutdumbly,noticingatonce

thathiswomanwasn’twithhim.

“Areyoudoingallright?”heasked,glancingbehindher,probablylookingforRowanandtryingto

decideifheneededtodivearoundacorner.

“Sure,yeah,we’regreat.Iwasjust,um...Iwaslookingfortherestroom,actually.”
“Rightbackhere,”hesaid,motioningforhertofollow.Assheobeyed,shetriednottocheckhimout

toomuch,butitwasdamnnearimpossible.Darkstubbleshadowedhisjawtonight,andtheshortsleeves
ofhisT-shirtrevealedpowerful,corded,anddenselytattooedforearms.Andthosedenim-stretching
thighs.Themanwassobuilt,sobig.Again,she’dpracticallyforgottenwhatanintimidatingphysical
presencehehad.Grabbinghisasswouldhavetobelikesqueezingacoupleofripecantaloupes.

JesusChrist!No!Shenearlytrippedoverherownfeet.Heheardthescuffleofhershoesandturned

tolookather.“Youokay?”

“Sure,yeah,I’mgreat,”shestammered,thenrealizeditwaspracticallythesamethingshe’dsaid

whenheaskedhowtheyweredoing.“Wasthatyourgirlfriendyouwerewith?”Itjusttumbledout.

Hisdarkbrowsliftedunderthebillofhiscap,buthewavedahanddismissively.“It’sanon-and-off

thing,Iguess.Offrightnow.ButshenevermissesachancetoseeZaneperform.”

Fuckbuddy,Savannahsuppliedmentally.Gotit.Butshestilldidn’tlikeit,andthatannoyedthecrap

outofher.

Whatthehellhadchangedhere?Sherememberedfacingthismanontheworstdayofherlifeand

holdingherownagainsthim.Acoupleofphonecallsandanicegesturelater,shewasastumblingidiot
aroundhim.Shehadtogetagrip.Startingrightnow.

“Hereyouare,”hetoldher,gesturingtotherestroomdoor.“I’llgetoutofyourway.Y’allhavefun,

allright?”Withasmiletingedwithsadness,heturnedtogo.

“Wait,”sheblurtedout,noticingthewayhisentirebeingwentstill,thewayhelookedsoexpectantly

ather.Sohopefully.Itstartedaslow,meltingacheinherchest.“IwantedtotellyouthatIdidn’t
necessarilywantyoutostayawayallnight.Rowan...shemightfeeldifferently.I’msorry,Ican’tdo
anythingaboutthat.ButIdon’tfeelthatway.”

God,helookedathersolongandso...reverently.Savannahdidn’trealizehowdryhermouthhad

becomeuntilshetriedtolickherlips.Dehydrationfromdancing,shethought.Needwater.Butwhenshe
didthat,hisgazedroppedtohermouth,endlesslyblue,andshecouldn’thelpbutdirectherownattention
tohisincrediblyfull,beautifullips.“I’mgladtohearyousaythat,”hetoldher,hiseyesflickeringback
uptohers.

“Really?”
Henodded,thoselipstiltingupalittlenow.“Wouldyouwanttohangoutlater?Talk?”
Shewouldlovethatmorethananything.“Thatsoundsnice.Where?”
“You’reonmyturfnow,soanywhereyouwant.Ifyouwantquiet,wecanheadtoGalveston.Ihavea

beachhousethere.”

“Idolovethebeach,”shesaidsoftly.Outonthestage,thenextnumberkickedofftoaloud,

appreciativecheer.“Weonlyhaveswamps.ButRowan...”

“Ifyouwanttokeepitonthedownlow,”hesaid,“Icanpickyouupatyourhotelafterthelimotakes

youback.Shedoesn’teverhavetoknow.”

Oh,God,whatwashappening?Whateveritwas,ithadherhearthammeringandherbreathragged.

Thismanhadupheavedherentirelife;whywouldshegivehimthepowertoupheaveitevenmoreby
goinganywherewithhim?Shedidn’tknowwhyshetrustedhim,butshedid.Implicitly.

Clearingherthroatandgettingagrasponherbreathing,shemanagedtosmileandnodathim.Ifshe

weresmart,shewouldseveranyandalltemptationattherootandtakeherassbacktothehotelwith
Rowanaftertheconcert.Gotobed,getherselfoff,andgothehelltosleep.

Butshewouldregretit.Shewouldlieawakeatnightandwishshecouldchangeit.Shewassosickof

regret.“Thatsoundsamazing,”shetoldhim.“But...Imean,aslongasI’mbackinafewhours.Isthat
okay?IncaseRowanneedsanything.”

“Wheneveryouwanttoleaveisfine,”heassuredher.“It’lltakeanhourtogetthere,though,and

anothertogetback.”

Ifyoucome,sheheard,you’llbestayingthenight.“Yes.Imean...that’sfine.”
“Shootmeatextwhenyou’rereadyformetocomegetyou,”hesaid.
“Okay.I’lldothat.”Smilingateachother,theypartedways,butshehadtosneakapeekoverher

shoulderathimwalkingaway.Andhecaughtherlooking,becausehewasdoingthesamething.

Shit!Snappingherheadbackaround,sheplowedthroughthebathroomdoorbeforeshecrashedinto

it,makingabeelineforthesinktosplashsomecoldwateronherface.

Whatareyoudoingwhatareyoudoingwhatareyou...?
Damnifsheknew.Herparentswoulddisownher,Rowanmightneverspeaktoheragain,Tommywas

probablyflippinginhisgrave.Butshecouldn’tshakethisgnawingbeliefthatMikewasn’tthevillainthey
hadhimpeggedfor.Hewasafighterwho’dfoughtforeverythinginhislife.Tommyhadbeenafighter
whohadeverythinghandedtohiminlife.He’dfoughtforglory.Mikehadfoughtforsurvival;maybehe
knewnootherway.

Lookingupatherreflectioninthemirror,shefoundherselfdisheveledandratherpale.Herdarkhair

hadlostmostofitsbig,loosecurl,fallinginlazywaves.Buthereyeswerebrightandfullofanticipation.

Surelyherbrothercouldn’tfaultherforgoingafterwhatwouldmakeherhappy.Evenifitwasonly

foronenight.

ChapterEight

“Rowanisalittlesliceofheaven,ain’tshe?”Zaneasked,scrubbingathiswethairwiththetoweldraped
aroundhisneck.

“Andpregnant,”Mikepointedout.
“So?”
“Andwidowed,thankstome.”
“Yourpointis?”
“Comeon,Z.”
“Shecan’tmournforever.”
“Noonesaidsheshould.Butshe’sstillmourningnow.Trytobealittlelessofanasshole.”Though

you’reonetotalk,motherfucker,withthethoughtsyou’vehadaboutSavannahinthepasthour.It
didn’tmatter;hecouldhandlehimself.Itwashisbrotherheworriedabout.

“Yeah,Icouldtellsheis.Shewastryingtoputitasideforanight,butIthinkshewashavingahard

timedoingit.”

“Igotthatimpressiontoo.”Mikehadseenheratthesideofthestage.She’dlookedlikeshewas

havingthetimeofherlife.Hecouldn’tblamethegirlforwantingtoletherhairdown,he’donly
wonderedhowgenuineitwas,orhowmuchofitwasputonforSavannah’sbenefit.

Allinallitmadehimfeellikeabsoluteshit.
“Whyareyoustilldoingthistoyourself?”
MikeglanceduptofindZane’sgazesteadyonhim.Hiswasn’taspiercingordiscerningasDamien’s,

whohaddepartedasthelastchordsreverberatedthroughthearena,butitsawenough.“What?”

“Youhaven’tbeenhalfbadthelastcoupleofweeks,butthesegirlsshowupandyou’reallinyour

headagain.Haveyoudoneenoughnow?Willyouletitthefuckgo?”

“Itwon’teverbeenough.”
Zanegrumbledsomething,scrubbedathislonghairagainandlookedaroundforhisshirt.“Youcan’t

bringtheguyback.”

Mikeshiftedaroundinfrustration,energycoursingalongeverynervelikefire.“Youdon’tfuckingsay.

Ihonestlydidn’trealizethat,Zane.”

“Ican’tfigureoutyourendgameonthis.”
“Becausethereisn’tone.I’mresponsiblefortheirsuffering.TheendgameisI’lldowhateverIcanfor

themwheneverIcan.”

“Evenifallyouevergetisa‘thanks’and‘fuckoff.’”
“It’snotaboutwhatI’llget.”
“Justseemskindofsenseless.Donicethings,sure,butnotattheexpenseofyourownsanity.Ialso

can’tseehowyoualwaysbeingupintheirbusinesswon’tbringbackbadshitforthem,too.”

Zanedidn’tgetit,butthebiggerproblemwasthatMikecouldn’texplainit.Hisyoungerbrotherwas

right,mostlikely.“I’mseeingSavannahafterIleavehere,”headmitted.“She’sgoingtotextmewhen
she’sready.”

“Oh,no,man.”
“What?”

Zanewavedahandandwanderedbackintotheadjoiningbathroom,thoughhestillkeptupthe

conversation.“I’mnottryingtotellyouwhat’swhat,”hesaidironically,sincethatwasexactlywhathe’d
beendoing.“Dowhatyouwant.Ijustthinkit’sabadmove.”

“WhileyouhittingonRowanwouldn’tbe?”
“Don’ttakethisthewrongway,butIdidn’tkillherhusband.”
“No,butyourbrotherdid.Thatmakesyoutheenemywhetheryoulikeitornot.You’reonmyside,

right?”

“Yeah,but...forgetaboutRowananyway.Wetalked,she’scool,she’sgoingbackhomenow.I

didn’tbothergettinghernumberandIdoubtI’lleverevenseeheragain.”Thewaterturnedon,and
suddenlyZane’svoicewasmuffledasifhehadamouthfuloftoothpaste.“Andifyouweresmartyou’dlet
Savannahgetonthatplanetoowithoutgettingalltangledupinthis...whateveritis.”

Rightagain.Soright.Zanewanderedbackin,brushinghisteeth,andstaredMikedownmercilessly

foraminute.Whenhepulledthetoothbrushfromhismouth,hesaid,“Shit.You’vealreadygotitbadfor
thisgirl.”

“NoIdon’t.”
Zanescoffedandambledhiswaybackthroughthedoor,steadilybrushing.Thatwasoneproblem

growingupwithtwobrotherswithwhomyousharedonetinybedroomandbarelyhadaccesstoanyother
partsofthehouselestyoubeexposedtoraucoussex,violence,ordruguse.Inquartersthatclose,those
twobrothersgrewupknowingeverythingaboutyou,everythingyouwerethinking,whatyouweregoing
tosayordobeforeyousaidordidit.Thatbondcouldn’tbedenied.Itwasenoughtodrivehiminsane
somedays,anddefinitelyenoughtokeephimawayfromthemwhenhewasgoingthroughsomeshithe
wantedtodealwithonhisown.Damienwastheworst,sure,butZanewasgettingtherefast.

“Idon’thaveitbadforher,”hetriedagain,moreforcefullythistime.“She’sanamazinggirland

we’lltalktonight,butinthirty-sixhoursshewillgetonthatplaneandthatwillmostlikelybethelasttime
Ieverseehertoo.Shehasalifetogetbackto.Icouldn’tfitinitevenifIwantedto.”

Zanemerelygruntedinresponse.Whichwasalmostworsethanarguingwithhim.Itmeanthewas

donewiththedebatebecauseheknewhewasright.Luckily,Savannahtookthatcuetotexthim.

Rowanalltuckedawayinbed.Theroomsarefabulous,thankyou

AGAIN.I’mreadywhenyouare.

“I’mout,”hecalledtoZane,gettingtohisfeet.“Yougoingstraighthomewhenyouleavehere?”
“IfIevenrememberwherethefuckitis.”
Mikechuckledatthat,headingforthedoor.“I’llcatchupwithyousoon.”
He’dmanagedtoditchNicoleintheafter-showchaos,duckingintothedressingroomwithZane

whereveryfewotherswereallowed.Hisphonehadbeensullenlysilentonherbehalf,sohehopedshe
wasgoneandnotmillingaroundhopingtofindhim.Nevertheless,helookedbothwayswhenhestuckhis
headoutthedoor,thensetofftowardtheexit.Hurtingherfeelingswasn’tanideaherelished,butneither
wasgettingcaughtupinherdrama.

HehadSavannahwaitingforhim.
Onmyway,

heansweredher.

WhentheknocksoundedonSavannah’shoteldoor,shesurgedupfromherchairasifafirealarmhad
sounded.He’dcometoherdoortogether?She’dexpectedanI’moutfrontmessagesoastominimize
anychanceofbumpingintoRowan...whowassupposedtobeinbednextdoor,butmightbepronetoa
midnightsnackattackthatnecessitatedatriptofindvendingmachines.

Sheshould’veknownbetter.Itwasprobablyaridiculousnotion,butMikeLarsonwouldprobablybe

Savannah’spersonalbodyguardifshelethim.Shesimplygotthatfeelingfromhim.

Bitingherlip,shewatchedhimthroughthepeepholeforafewseconds.He’dditchedthebaseball

cap,nothingtoshadowormitigatethedevastatingpowerofhiseyes.Anxietyflutteredinherthroat.

Hewassmilingwhensheopenedthedoor,andshecouldn’thelpreturningit.Greatsmile.She’dbet

hehadagreatlaugh,too.Maybetonightshewouldfindout.

“Ready?”heasked,andshewas:clutchinhand,hairrecurled,hertinydabofmakeupinplace.He

worethesameclotheshe’dhadonattheconcert,andsuddenlyshewonderedifshe’dgoneoverboardon
herownattire.Afteralotofdebatingwithherself,she’dfinallychangedintothesundressshe’dplanned
onwearingtomorrow,whitewithlittlepinkflowers.Itwasthinasaslipandlefthershouldersanda
goodportionofherlegsbare,butitwassuchawarmnightanditseemedperfectforwalkingonthebeach
inthemoonlight—farbetterthanthejeansandbootsshe’dhadonearlier.Ifitcametowalkingonthe
beach,ofcourse.

“Ready!”shesaidbrightly,steppingoutandpullingthedoorclosedbehindher.Theyfellintostep

together,headingtowardtheelevator.

“IsRowanfeelingokay?”heasked.“Nomorningsicknessoranythinglikethat?”
Touchedathisconcern,shenodded.“She’sdoingwell.It’snotadifficultpregnancysofar,whichisa

relief.”

“Good.”Whiletheywaited,anothercouplejoinedthem,sotheyfellsilent.Allfoursteppedontothe

elevatorwhenitarrived,Savannahtakingtheopportunitytosurreptitiouslyscrutinizelittledetailsabout
Mikeshemighthaveotherwisemissed:heworeabrownwovenbraceletonhisrightwrist,andabove
that,oneofthetattoosonhisimpressiveforearmlookedtobeaquotewritteninLatin.Shetiltedherhead
slightlytoseeit.

Flecteresinequeosuperos,
Acherontamovebo.
Asshewaslooking,wonderingwhatitmeant,theyoungmalehalfofthecoupleridingtheelevator

withthemsuddenlyerupted.“Dude,areyouMikeLarson?”

“That’sme.”
“Ithoughtso!IwasthereinVegasacoupleofyearsbackwhenyoumadeSantoyatapout.Thatwas

thebesttakedownIthinkIeversaw,hell,itwasthestuffoflegend.It’sanhonor,man.”Mikegraciously
shookhishandwhenheofferedit,thentheguyenthusiasticallynudgedhisgirlfriend,butsheonlygavea
warysmile,notlookingtheleastbitinterested.“MikeLarson!”

“Hi,”shesaidwithanawkwardlaugh.
“Can’tbelieveI’vebumpedintoyouonanelevator.Unreal.CanIgetapicture?Butyouprobably

don’twanttobebothered.It’sokayifyoudon’t.”

“No,that’sfine.”
Savannahstoodbackinthecornerashedealtwithhisadoringfan,rememberingacoupleoftimes

she’dbeenoutwithTommywhenhewasrecognized.Ithadalwaysmadehisday.Theghostlyfingersof
griefreachedforher,butshetriedtowavethemaway—thememoriesshe’dratherkeeprepressedbutthat
oftenswampedheranyway.

Tommy,studyinghoursandhoursofMike’sfightfootage,dissectingthosetakedowns,pickingapart

strengthsandweaknessesinhistechniques.Rowan,rollinglaughingeyeswhenhebegantoexcitedlygo
onandonatlengthabouthisdiscoveries.Hehadcomefromawrestlingbackground;Mike,astreet-
fightingstrikerwithboxingprowessandablackbeltinBrazilianjiu-jitsu.OrasTommyhadsosuccinctly
putit,Onebadmotherfucker.

Intheend,ithadbeenoneofthosevicioustakedowns,combinedwithablowthatwasquickasa

strikingsnake,whichhadbeguntospelldisasterforhim.Mostofthenightwasahellishblurnow,butshe
rememberedthatmuch.

Picturetaken,theguyslippedhisphonebackintohispocketandsaid,“ToughbreakwiththatDugas

kid.IgotthePPV.Lookedlikehewasokayandthenboom.That’sgottaberough.”

“Yeah,”Mikesaidtightly,sendingSavannahanapologeticlookassheswallowedpastthelumpinher

throat.“It’sbeenhard.”

Justasshewasbeginningtothinktheridewouldneverend,thedoorswhooshedopen,andshewas

thefirsttofleethespacethathadbeensteadilyclosinginonhersince“Dugas”hadslippedoutofthat
guy’smouth.

Toughbreakindeed.Hecouldn’thaveknownwhoshewas,andsheknewhehadn’tmeantanythingby

it,buthavingTommy’sdeathreducedtolittlemorethananinconvenienceforMikehadwounded
somethinginsideher.AssoonasMikehadmanagedtolosehisfan,though,hewasrightthereatherside
asshestrodequicklythroughthelobby,tryingtooutrunheremotions.

“Hell,Savannah,I’msorryyouheardthat.”
“Doyouhearstufflikethatalot?”
“Alittlebit,”hesaidgruffly.“Iusuallywanttohitthefuckerwhosaysit.”
“It’sokay,”shesaidquickly,eagertogetoutsidebeforeshebrokedown.Notthatshewantedtobreak

downinfrontofhimeither,butitwouldbebetterthanhavingeveryoneinthelobbysee.“I’msure
everyonemeanswell.”

“Iknowtheydo,whichiswhyIletitslide.Ifyou’dratherIsetthemstraight,Iwill.”
“Youcan’tberudetoafanlikethat.Thatguywassoexcitedtomeetyou.Hewastryingtomakeyou

feelbetter.Ijust...couldn’tlistentoit.”

“Iknow.”
Abalmybreezewhippedatherdressastheystrodethroughthedoors,andsuddenlyshewas

rethinkingherchoiceofbeachattire.Toolatenow.MikeledhertoagleamingsilverFordSuperDutyat
thecurbandopenedthepassengerdoorforher,evenofferinghishandtoassistherclimb.Shetookit,
feelingalittleweakinthekneeswhenalltheweightsheputonhimdidn’tbudgehisarmatall.Settlingin
theleatherseat,shelookedresolutelydownatherhandsinherlap,deepbreathing,rubbingtheplace
wherehisskinhadtouchedher,tryingtoclearherheadinthetensecondsittookhimtocirclearoundthe
frontofthetruckandopenthedriver’sdoor.

Shehadn’texactlyachievedhergoalbythetimeheboundedeasilyintotheseat,butshecould

pretend.“Nice,”shetoldhim,glancingaroundappreciatively.Somethingaboutitcalmedher.Hedrovea
truckjustlikeTommyhad,justlikemanyotherSouthernmensheknew.Itsomehowmadehimseemmore
humanafteranightoflimousinesandrockstarsandenthusiasticfansintheelevator.“Boysandtheir
toys.”

Chuckling,hereclaimedhiscapfromthedashboardandpulleditoverhishead.“Shouldn’thave

takenthisdamnthingoff.MaybeIwouldn’thavebeenrecognized.”

Oh,hewasrecognizablefromthosecheekbonesalone.“Justmeherenow,”shesaidlightly.“You’re

safe.”

“Areyouhungry?I’mnotsurewhatI’llhaveatthehousethat’llinterestyou.”
“I’mokay.Unlessyouwanttogetsomething.”
Heshookhishead.“I’mgood.”
Shebuckledupandwatchedthehoteldisappearintothedistanceinhersidemirror,stillfeelingthe

warmthofhimonherhandfromwherehe’dhelpedherintothetruck.Suchasimplegesturegiven

infinitelymoremeaningbecausehewastheonewho’ddoneit.Castingaglanceathim,hisfacein
shadowagainfromhiscap,shewatchedthestreetlightspassoverhimashedrove.Hisrightwristwas
drapedonthesteeringwheel,andhereyewasdrawnagaintotheLatinphraseonhisforearm.

“Whatdoesthismean?”sheaskedhim,daringtoreachoverandlightlydrawthetipofherfinger

acrossit.

Heglancedatitandthecornerofhismouthkickedup.“‘IfIcannotmoveHeaven,IwillraiseHell.’”
Andthatraisedthehairatthebackofherneck.“Ah.”
“ZaneandDamienhaveLatinphraseinktoo.IthinkZane’sis‘Fortunefavorsthebold’andDamien’s

is‘Thediehasbeencast.’”

“Didyouallgetthemtogether?”
“No.Theyjustrippedoffmyidea.”
Shehadtolaughatthat,butthementionofZanebroughtaroundthenexttopicshewantedtoaddress

withhim.“Ireallydidhavefuntonight.Iwantedtothankyouagain.”

“Noneed.AndI’mgladyouhadagoodtime.”
“So,yourbrother...”
“OhGod,whatdidhedo?”
“Well,nothingthatIknowof.AndRowansaidhewasgreat,but...IthoughtIpickedupon

somethingthere.Ihopeheunderstandssheisbynomeansreadytogetbackouttherenomatterhowshe
actedtonight.”

“IsethimstraightaboutitasbestIcould.Icouldtellhelikedher,butherespectsthesituation.Ithink.

Hewon’tbebotheringher,andifhedoes,letmeknow.”

“Imean,she’snotakidoranything,andit’snotthatIwouldn’twanthergettingintoanother

relationship.It’sjustsosoon.Iguesswe’reallinmama-bearmodeoverherbecauseofeverythingshe’s
beenthrough.Bothherparentsdied,herhusbanddied,nowshe’sfacingapregnancywithouthim...I
thinkIwouldloseit.Ireallydo.”

“Peoplecanbestrongerthanyouthink.”
Shethoughtbacktosomeofthethingshe’dhintedatwhenthey’dgoneforcoffeeafterTommy’s

funeral.“Yeah.Wehavetobe.”Eyeingthetouch-screenmonitorsetinthedash,sheoptedtofindalighter
topic.“Whatkindofmusicdoyoulike?”

“Classicrock,someoutlawcountry.You?”
“Ilikealittlebitofeverything.Somepop,somecountry,somerock.Zane’sbandisalittleheavyfor

mytastesthough.Good,don’tgetmewrong.Justheavy.”

“Ifeeltheexactsameway,really.”HereachedforthevolumeknobandturnedupNazareth’s“Hairof

theDog.”Shehadtolaughastheraucouschoruswarningaboutmessingwithasonofabitchfilledthe
cab,especiallysincehegroovedalongwithit.“Iactuallyconsideredusingthisasmywalk-outsong,”he
said.

“Nowthatwouldbefunny.”
Andsomewhere,onthatTexashighwaytoGalvestonwitholdrockblaringonSiriusXM’sOzzy’s

Boneyardchannelandmaniacaltrafficandlightswhizzingbyatbreakneckspeed,Savannahfinallyfelt
herselfbegintorelax,unwind,andenjoyherself.Sheevenfoundherselfseatdancingandnotcaringwhen
helookedoverandsawher.Becausesheheardthatlaughshe’dwonderedabout,anditwasindeedgreat.
Thehour-longdriveflewby,andthelandscapechanged,citylightsandbuildingsfadingintopalmtrees
andresorts.

Whenatlasthepulledtoastopoutsideastiltedbeachhousenestledamongalineofsimilar

structures,agreatvastblacknessstretchedbeyonditwhereshecouldn’ttellwheretheGulfofMexico

endedandthestarlitskybegan.Steppingoutintothatwindundideverybitofeffortshe’dputintoher
hair,butohwell.Shewasbeyondcaring.

“Thisisamazing,”shetoldhimastheymetinfrontofhistruckandheledherupthestepstothefront

door.

“Thanks,”hesaid.“Ihaven’thaditverylong.”Fromawadofkeysheproducedfromhispocket,he

pickedoneandunlockedthedoor.“Hangonandletmehitsomelights.Ihaven’treallyredecoratedor
anything,sodon’tholditagainstme.”

Shechuckled,butwhensoftlightfilledthelivingroomspaceandshesteppedin,therewasnothingto

holdagainsthim.Thewallswereasoothingaqua,thelivingroomsuitewhiteandimmaculatewith
deepertealaccents.“Whatdoyoumean?It’sperfect.I’lllivehereif,youknow,youdon’tlikeit.”

Helaughedandmovedtothekitchenbeyond,depositinghiskeysinablueglassbowlontheway.

“Drink?ImighthaveCoke.Orbeer.Mightevenbeabottleofwinesomewhere,ifyouwant.”

“Iwouldactuallybefinewithsomewater.”
Mikegrabbedacoupleofbottlesfromthefridgewhilesheexploredabit,takinginthebeachywall

pictures,theshellsandstarfish,glancingineachofthetwobedrooms.Itwasn’tabigplace,butitwas
exactlywhatshewouldhavechosenforalittlegetawayfromlife.“Youdon’trentitout?”sheaskedafter
joininghiminthekitchen.

“No.Ithoughtaboutitbutdecidednotto.IhaveanapartmentinthecitybutlatelyI’vespentalmostas

muchtimehereasIhaveathome.Ithinkit’stherapeutic,seeingthegulfasoftenasIcan.”

“Icanseethat.”
“Wanttowalkoutthere?”heasked.
“I’dloveto.”

ChapterNine

Savannahwasn’tsurehowlongtheywalkedthebeachorhowfartheywent.Conversationwithhim
flowedsoeasily.Eventheirsilences,whilenotcompletelycomfortableyet,weren’tthetorturethey
usuallywerewhenshewasgettingtoknowsomeone.Oncehislittlehousehadfadedinthedistance,they
turnedandstrolledbackwiththewavesjustreachingtheirfeet.Shefoundherselfwishingtheyhadfarther
togo,longertostay,butalltoosoonthey’dreachedhishouseagain.

Hedidn’tseemanymoreeagertoendtheirtimeoutherethanshewas.Togethertheystoodonthe

sand,staringoutattheflatlimitlessblackbeyond,thestarssparklingabove.

“It’sbeautiful,”shesaidsoftly,closinghereyesandlettingthewindliftherhairoffhershoulders.

Peacesettledoverhersuchthatshehadn’tknowninweeks.Shefeltsotiny,soinfinitesimallysmallout
here,buttherewascomfortinthat,inknowingshewasonlyablipinthisvastuniverse.Thattherewere
powersincontrolbeyondhernarrowscope.

“Ispentalotoftimehere,”Michaelsaid,hisvoicebringingherback.Itwasaniceplacetocome

backto.“After.”

“Idon’tthinkIwouldeverleave.”
Hislaughwaswarm,touchingherinsomedeeppartofhersoulthathadfeltdeadandwitheredforso

long,bringingittolifeagain.“Believeme,itwastoughto.Ionlylefttofindyou.”

“Oh,itwasn’tmeyouwerelookingfor.”
“Ididn’tknowitatthetime,yeah.ButI’mgladyouwerewhoIfound.”
Shestoleaglanceupathissolemnprofile,castinsilhouettebyadistantlight.“Metoo,”shesaid.

Thenshefoundhishandwithhers,curlingherfingerstentativelyarounditssolidwarmth.Whenhetook
hold,shelostherbreath.Hard,callusedfingersraspedagainstherdelicateskin.She’donlythoughtshe
felttinybefore,she’donlythoughttouchinghimoutsidehistruckhadaffectedher.Thestrengththrumming
underhisskinturnedherkneestojelly.Thesurfwashingawaythesandunderherfeetmadeherunsteady,
asifonefalsestepcouldwashherawaytoo—ormaybeitwasjusthim.Histidalinfluenceovertheebb
andflowofherbody,theoneshe’donlydiscoverednow,withhishandaroundhers.

“Oh,God,”shesaidweakly,loweringherhead.Shecouldn’tfeelthisway.Shecouldn’t.Shedidn’t

knowhim,andnoonewouldunderstand.Butinsteadoflettinggo,sheonlysqueezedhishandharder.The
onlyanchorshehadinthismaelstromofemotionwasthehandthatmightverywellhaveendedTommy’s
life.

“Savannah?”
Atearfellfromhereye,travelingallthewaytothewetsandatherbarefeet.Shecouldn’tlethimsee

hercry.Hewouldfeelresponsible.“I’mokay.”Ashudderrackedher,belyingherwords.

“Comehere.”Sheshouldhaveprotested,butshecouldn’t.Alltherewastodowasgointohisarms,

buryherfaceinhischest,lethimholdherwhilehersilenttearsleakedontohisshirt.Itfeltlikesucha
safeplace,likenothingcouldeverhurtherhere.Buthowmanypeoplehadlearneddifferently?How
manypeoplehadsufferedbecauseofthepowerinthisbodynexttohers?

Hishandstrokeddownherhead,tamingherhairfromtheteasingeffectsofthegulfwind.Hardto

believeahandthattouchedhersogentlycouldeverhurtanyone.

Beneathhercheek,hisheartbeatstrongandsteady,nothingliketheerraticacrobaticsherswas

performing.Ifshecouldjusthideherewithhimandneverhavetofacetheworldagain,maybeeverything
wouldbeokay.

“Whatareyouthinkingabout?”heasked,andsheheardthewordsrumblethroughhischest.
Sheswallowedagainstthelumpinherthroat.God,howcouldshetellhimwhenshedidn’tknow

herself?“I’mtryingnotto.”

“Iknowallaboutthat.”
“Tellmesomethingaboutyou.”Somethinggood,shepleadedsilently.Thesurprisehefeltather

request,andthentheresultingdiscomfort,waspracticallypalpable.

“Whatdoyouwanttoknow?”
“Anything.Anythingyouwouldliketotellme.”
Hisstillnesswastellinginitself,butshewaitedforhim,hopinghewouldsaysomethingperfect.“I

haven’thaditeasy,Savannah.AnInternetsearchcantellyouprettymuchallyouneedtoknow.”

“No.Itcan’thelpmeknowyou.”
“Here’ssomething.Iwoulddoanythingformybrothers.AndIhave.I’vedoneeverythingforthem.”
Loyalty.Hewasloyaltoafault,tooloyalforhisowngood,maybe.“Yourmother?You’venever

reallymentionedher.”

“Mymother’sdead.”
Sheliftedherheadtolookathim,findingadistanceinhisexpressionthathadherreachingforhim

withouteventhinkingaboutit,tryingtobringhimbacktoher.Themomentherhandtouchedhisstubble-
roughenedcheek,hefoundheragain.“I’msorry,”shesaid.“Ifyoudon’twantto—”

“Ifyouneedtoknow,I’lltellyou.It’snotanythingI’veevertriedtohide.Yes,IdideverythingI

couldforhertoo.ButIcouldn’tsaveherfromherself.SheoverdosedonheroinwhenIwaseighteen.”

“MyGod.Howoldwereyourbrothers?”
“Zanewassixteen,Damienfourteen.Zaneistheonewhofoundher.”Hesighed,hischestrisingand

fallingbeneathhercheek.Shetightenedherarmsaroundhim.“Itwasbad,butIcan’tsayitwas
unexpected.Atleastitwasn’ttome.”

“Whatdoyoudoaftersomethinglikethat?Ican’tevenimagine.”
“Firstoff,youtrytokeepyouryoungerbrothersoutoffostercare.Momhadalienatedanyfamilywe

hadalongtimeago.Livingwiththeirfatherswasn’tanoptionbecausetheyhadrecords.Soitfelltome.I
wasanadultintheeyesofthelawbutstillakid.IdroppedoutofschoolmysenioryearsoIcouldgoto
worktosupportthem,andwenttoprizefightswheneverIcould.Ialreadyhadacoachgettingmesome
amateurstuff.Somemorningsaftergettingmyasskicked,IhurtsobadIcouldhardlymove,faceall
bustedup,butIstilldraggedmyselftowhateverjobImanagedtofind.Twojobs,sometimesthree.
They’llneverknoweverythingIdidforthem.Idon’twantthemto.”

Sheliftedherheadtolookupathim,horrifiedbyhisstory.“Thefirstdaywemet,Michael,youtold

meyouwereahorribleperson.I’mconfused.Thepersonyou’redescribingisnotthat,notatall.The
personwhoarrangedthistripsoRowanandIcanfeelbetterisnotthat.”

Eveninthedarkness,shecouldseethecoldvoidinhiseyes,asifhewerelookingatsomething

terriblethatonlyhecouldsee.“Badshitfollowsme,Savannah.Itjustdoes.Idon’tknowifI’mworking
offsomekindofkarmaorwhat.Itneverends.”

“Thatcan’tbetrue,”sheprotested.“IacceptthatTommywasanaccident.Myfamilyprobablynever

will,butthat’showtheyare.It’snoreflectiononyoubecausethewaytheyfeelisbasedonalie.”

“Tommyisn’ttheonlyone.”
Thosewordsaffectedherlikeghostlyfingertipsupherspine.“Who?”sheaskedsoftly.
“WhenIwasakid,mymotherhadanewmaneverymonth,andnoneofthemexceptforoneortwo

wereworthashit.Theoneswhoweredecentdidn’tlastlong,becausetheycouldn’tdealwithherissues.
Butitseemedtheworsetheywere,thelongertheywerearound.Someofthemwerestraight-uppredators.
IwasakidandIsawthesethings;shewasanadultandshedidn’t,orelseshedidn’tcare.”

Savannahdidn’tneedtohearanymore.Shedidn’tthinkshecould.“Anythingyoudidindefenseof

yourfamilywascompletelyunderstandable.”

“Isit?”heasked,searchinghereyes.“Whydoesitstillfollowme?”
“Maybebecauseyouletit?”
“Believeme,ifIcouldshakeit,Iwould.”
“Iknow.Easiersaidthandone.ProbablytheworstthingI’veeverdoneisshopliftaboxofcondoms;

I’mnotonetogiveadvice.”

Heblinkedatherandthen,amazingly,burstoutlaughing.Theshockofitstunnedher,butaftera

momentofembarrassedsilence—hadshereallyjusttoldhimthat?—shecouldn’thelpbutjoinin.My,but
hewasgorgeouswhenhelaughed.“Well!Ididn’twanttheladyatthecheckoutcountertoknowIwas
goingtohavesex.TurnsoutIdidn’tanyway.Whatajackassthatguyturnedouttobe.”Actually,thedamn
thingsexpiredbeforeshecouldeveruseevenoneofthem,buthedidn’thavetoknowthat.“TothinkI
riskedamisdemeanoroverhim.”

“Ineededthat,”Mikesaidoncehe’dcaughthisbreath.“Butdon’tholditagainstmethatI’mgladyou

sentthejackasspacking.”

“Oh,I’mgladtoo.Ishouldhavemadehimgetthedamncondoms.”
Easily,naturally,Mike’shandsfoundhersagain,bothofthem.Thistimehisfingerslacedthrough

hers,sendinganiceshiverysensationthroughher.Theslightlyuncomfortablegirthofhisfingersbetween
hershadherthoughtsrunningwildwithimaginingthegirthofotherareasofhisbody.“You’resomething
else,”hesaid.

“Butyoudon’tknowwhat,right?”sheteased.
“No,”headmitted,shakinghisheadalittledazedly.“Idon’tknowwhat.Yet.”
“Samehere.”OhGod,washeleaningcloser?Shefeltdizzylookingupathimwiththestarsall

aroundhishead,liketheyrevolvedaroundhim.Asmallwavewasheduparoundherfeet,cooland
fleeting.Simpleasthatwavethattouchedher,hislipstouchedhers,thendrewback.Simple,but
enormous.Savannahshivered,drinkinginhisbreath,offbalanceandwhirlingthoughshestoodperfectly
still,heldtoearthbynothingbuthishandsholdinghers.

More.Please.Shetriedtotellhimwithoutsayingaword,lookingintohiseyes,seeingtherawneed

there.Andhecamebacktoher,hismouthopeningagainsthersnowtoinviteadeepercontact.Thewind
whippedwildlyaroundthemandshelethimin,lethistongueteaseinsidehermouthandcoaxhersoutto
play.Histhumbsdrewlazycirclesonherpalms,drawingdesirefromawellspringinsideherthathad
beendryforsolongnow—

“Mike!”ashoutcame,borneonthewind.Itjoltedthemapart,Savannahblushingandtryingtotame

herhairintosomethingthatlookedlikeitwasattachedtoherhead,Mikestraighteninghisshirt.“Isthat
you,man?”

Michaelturnedaroundtofacethedirectionfromwhichthevoicehadcome,liftinganarmingreeting.

“It’sme,”hecalledback.

TheguywalkingtowardtheminwhiteT-shirtandkhakishortsstoppedsuddenly.“Oh,mybad,didn’t

seeyouhadcompany.”

MikeputasteadyinghandtothesmallofSavannah’sback.Shestillthoughtherkneesmightbuckleat

anymoment.“It’sallright.ThisisSavannah.Savannah,thisismyneighborRandall.”

“Nicetomeetyou,”shemanagedtosay.Randallreachedthemandheldoutahand,whichsheshook.

Hisotherhandwaswrappedaroundabeercan.

“Likewise.Iwasjustgonnatellyou,we’vegotsteaksandburgersuphere.We’reallsittingaround

shootin’theshit,drinkingafew,youknow.Y’allshouldcomeonup.”

SavannahexpectedMiketoturndowntheoffer,butbeforeheanswered,helookedather.“Areyou

hungryyet?”

“Iam,yeah.Idon’tthinkIrealizedhowmuch.”Shehadn’thadanythingtoeatsincetheplaneride

over,andallatonceitfeltlikeit.Andsheneededsometimetocollectherthoughts;thatkisshad
scrambledthemtohellandback.Hislipswereasstrongaseveryotherpartofhim.

“Wellallright!”Randallexclaimedwiththehappinessonlyexperiencedbytheinebriated.“Beer’son

ice,margaritasareintheblenderiftheladysowishes.”

Oh,damn,thelastthingsheneededwastogettipsy,butatthemomentitwasthemainthingshe

wanted.“Weprobablywon’tstaytoolong,”Mikesaid,keepinghishandatSavannah’sbackasthey
beganthewalkupthebeachtowardthehouses.

“Ihearya,Ihearya.”Randallcackledknowingly.Assoonastheyreachedthedeckoutsidehishouse,

whereadeliciousscentwaswaftingfromthegrill,SavannahmetRandall’swife,Jenna,andtwoother
coupleswhosenamesshetriedtorememberbutpromptlyforgot.Allshecouldsee,really,wastheman
whohadtouchedandkissedherouttherebythewaterasifshemightbreak.Everytimeshethoughtabout
it—whichwasprettymuchconstantly—herheartflippedoverinherchest.

“SohowlonghaveyouandMikebeendating?”JennaaskedafterleadingSavannahintothekitchen

forhamburgerfixings.

“Oh,we’renot...Imean...”GoodGod,shecouldn’tevenconjureupanexplanationforthis.But

Jennaonlylaughed.Shewaspetiteandverypretty,withdarkblondhairshe’dbeensmartenoughtopull
backinthebeachwindandkindhazeleyes.ShehandedSavannahaplatewithatoastedbun.

“Believeme,Iknowhowitis,”shesaid,directingSavannahtothelettuce,tomatoes,andpickles

spreadoutonthekitchenisland.

“Wewenttohisbrother’sconcerttonightbecausemysister-in-lawisabigfan,”Savannahexplained.

“Andwesortofendeduphere.”Thatsoundedsafeenough.

“That’sright!I’dforgottenthoseguyswereplayingtonight.OnedaymaybeI’llgetRandalltotakeme

toaconcert.Wehavesmallkids—whohappentobewithGrandmatonight—andwhenwegetararenight
offfromparenting,we’resooldandboringwe’dratherjusthangoutherethangoout.”

“Idon’tevenhavekidsandIalreadyunderstandthat.”
“Well,ifyou’rewondering,”Jennasaid,pointingvaguelytowardthepatiodoorswiththeknifefrom

themayonnaisejar,“thatisawonderfulmanoutthere.Wethinktheworldofhim.Ialwayshavetotell
thisstoryaboutMikewheneverwemeetafriendofhis:whenouroldestsonwastwelve,aboutthree
yearsago,Mikesavedhimouttherefromariptide.”

“Oh,wow,”Savannahsaid,momentarilyatalossforanythingelsetooffer.“That’samazing.”
“Riskedgettingcaughtupinithimself,butheknewexactlywhattodo.Justwentafterhimlikesome

kindofdamnsuperheroandgothimout.Ihadstartedrunningouttheremyselftogoafterhim,butMike
yelledatmetostay,andit’sagoodthingbecauseIprobablywouldhavedrownedormadehimhaveto
savemetoo.ButhegothimbackwhileIstoodonthebeachascreaming,hystericalmess,watchingmy
kidgetpulledoutfromshore.”Shakingherhead,sheturnedherattentionbacktospreadingmayoonher
bun.“Scariestdayofmylife.Weowehimsomuch,andhewavesitofflikeitwasnothing.”

Incredible.Savannahwatchedhistallfigurethroughtheclearglassdoor,wherehewaschattingwith

hisfriendsoutonthedeckandoccasionallydrinkingfromabeercan,imagininghimpullingsuchaheroic
feat.StridingfromthewaterlikesomekindofseagodtoreturnJenna’schildtoher.Shemusthave

wantedtokisshim.Savannahdamnsuredid.Again.

“Thanksfortellingmethat,”shesaidtotheotherwoman.“Iknowit’sprobablyhardtotalkabout.But

Ineededtohearit.”

“Iwillvouchforhimanytime.He’sgettingalotofshitinthepresslately,youknow?Itmakesmeso

mad.”JennaabandonedtheknifewithaclatteronthecuttingboardasSavannahtensed,hopingshewasn’t
abouttosayanythingSavannahdidn’twanttohear.“Iguessit’ssortoftobeexpected,Imean,weknow
whatopinionsarelike,right?Everyonehasone.Butdon’tlistentoanyofthatcrap,notthatyouhave
been.Weknowhim.He’sgoodpeople.”

“Ibelieveyou,”Savannahsaidquietly,pilinglettuceandatomatosliceonherbun.Shestillhadn’t

quitegoneoffalert.

“It’llallblowoversoonandeveryonewillbecaughtupinthenextscandal,anyway,right?”
Forthatmatter,theyalreadywere.Savannahmostlyavoidedsportsnews,butonthefewoccasions

she’dletherselftakeapeek,therewasn’tmuchbeingsaid.Tommywasalreadybecomingadistant
memory.Thatwasperhapsthesaddestthingofall:howsoononecouldbeforgotten.Hewasn’ta
scandal,oratoughbreak,shethought.Hewasmybrother,andhewasloved.

Shecouldn’tletherselfforget.
Intheend,shedidhaveadrink—sheneededit—butstoppedatone.Thefoodwasdelicious,andout

onthedecktheconversationflewfastandfurious,butastheoutsider,Savannahdidn’tpartakemuchafter
theexchangeinthekitchen.Liketheguyintheelevator,Jennahadn’tmeantanyharm,butherwordshad
castapall.She’donlywantedtodefendherfriendandhero,andthatwasokay.Itwaswonderfulthat
thesepeopleheldMichaelinhighregard,andheseemedtoreturnthesentiment.Hedrankacoupleof
beers,jokedandlaughedasifthiswereanormaldatewherenoonehadacareintheworld,andshe
foundherselfwishingsohardthatitcouldbethatway.

Why?God,just...why?

ChapterTen

“Theyseemednice,”shesaidasMikeunlockedthedoortohishouse.

“Theyare.They’veputupwithmeenough,that’sforsure.”
Whenheusheredherinbeforehim,shesteppedinside.“Oh,Idon’tthink‘putup’iswhattheydowith

you,”shesaidwryly,tryingvainlytotameherhair.

“IguessyougotthestoryJennalovestotell.”
“Immediately.Igotthatstorywithinthefirstthirtyseconds.”
Hechuckled,andshewasstruckbythewayhislipsperfectlyframedhisstrongwhiteteeth.OhGod,

he’sgorgeous.Evenasshortashishairwas,ithadn’tescapedthewind’shavoc.Thebeershadbroughta
flushtohischeeks.“Yeah,she’salittleenthusiastic.He’dprettymuchgottenhimselfoutoftheriptide,
kid’sastrongswimmer.Heknewwhattodo,whichwaytoswim.Ijustmadesurehemadeitbackto
shorewithoutgettingtired.”

Well,hehadhisside,Jennahadhers,andthetruthwasprobablysomewhereinthemiddle.“Either

way,it’sprettydamnincredibleofyoutodothat.Itwasstillrisky.”

“Isuppose.”Hiseyeswerelikeblueice,yetthefullforceofthemsomehowburned.
Shewantednothingmorethantocontinuewhatthey’dstartedonthebeach,butitwasalmosttwo

A. M.

—she’dwantedtobebackatherhotelbynow.Luckily,checkingherphoneshowednourgentmessages
fromRowan,thoughhermotherhadtriedtocallherthreetimes.Probablybesideherselfandwantingto
knowiftheywerestillalive,butitwastoolatetocallherbacknow.

“Everythingokay?”heaskedassheslippedherphonebackintoherpurse.
“Yes.”
“Wantadrink?”
Sighing,shemadeherdecision,thoughitwasthelastthingonearthshewanted.“I’dbettergetback.”
“Ithoughtyoumightsaythat.Hopedyouwouldn’t,butthoughtyoumight.”
“Idon’twantto,”sheadmitted.
Heleanedhisarmsonthekitchencounter,andshecouldn’ttearhereyesawayfromtheflexofthose

forearms.Theman’sveinswereawondertobehold.“It’sfuckedup,”hesaidruefully.“Iknow.”

Butithadn’tfeltfuckedupwhenhekissedheroutthere.Despiteanyobjectionshermindhadwanted

tothrowatherthenorafterward,ithadfeltwonderful.Ithadfeltright.

MaybeRowanhadsaiditbest.Icanbesadtomorrow,Icanbesadfortherestofthismonthandall

ofthenext,ortherestofmylifeifIhavetobe.Whatwaswrongwithtakinganightofffromreality?

Itwasherheartatstake,that’swhat.Everythingfeltsogood,soright,whatifshespentthenightwith

himonlytodiscoverhewastrulyeverythingshe’deverdreamedof?Thatwouldbetheultimate
heartbreak.Shedidn’tknowifshecouldbestrongenoughtowalkaway,andwalkawayshemust.

“I’lldowhateveryouwant.”Thewayhelookedatherthen—God,thewayhealwayslookedather—

eyessointenseandpiercing,madehermouthrundry.“Youwanttoleave,I’lltakeyou.Youwanttostay.
..”Hegrinned,andhermindsuppliedwhatshefiguredhewasthinking:I’lltakeyou.Sheshivered.
“Thenyoucanstay,”hefinished.

“Iwouldhavetobebackearly,”shesaidsoftly.“BeforeRowanmissesme.”
“I’msurewecanmanagethat.”

“Ididn’tbringanything.”
Hepushedawayfromthecounterandwalkedaroundit,advancingonherslowly.Sheswallowed

dryly,neverasstruckbyhissheersizeaswhenhewasclosetoher.Andshewasn’tshortbyanymeans.
“Whatdoyouneed?”

“Um...toothbrush,toothpaste,deodorant,somethingtosleepin...”
“Ihavemostofthathere.”Closer.Onecornerofhismouthkickedup.“Anddon’tworry,yousmell

prettydamngood.Youtastedprettydamngoodtoo.”

Aflushcreptuphercheeks.“I’vehadonionssincethen.”Oh,hell,that’ssexy,shescoldedherself.

Theblondtrophystandingbesidehimtonightattheconcertwouldneverhavementionedhavingonion
breathtohim,Savannahjustknewit.

Buthelaughed.Andhe’dtastedandsmelledprettydamngoodtoo.Shecouldsmellhimnow:thesalt

ofthegulf,grillsmoke,andsomethingfaintandfleeting—hiscologne,perhaps.Herhearttrippedover
itself,andherbreathingquickenedtocompensateforitsfranticbeat.Ashedrewnearer,hiswarmth
permeatedherskin.Eventhroughherclothes,throughhis,shecouldfeelit.Whenwe’reskintoskin,she
thought,he’llincinerateme.

Godhelpher,shewantedtoburn.Burnuntiltherewasnothingleftofherheartandmindbutashes,no

roomtothink,notimetosecond-guess.

Hemusthaveseenorsensedthemomentshebroke,themomentshegaveintothis.Hishandscaught

herheadandtiltedherlipstohis,claimingtheminawaythatwasnothinglikethatgentle,tentative
explorationonthebeach.Nowhepossessedher.Fingersinherhair,holdingherfastwhilehismouth
devouredhersanddrewoutthelastofherstrength,anylingeringprotests,andanabundanceofhelpless
whimpers.She’dneverfeltsodeliciouslyweak,soshakentohercorefromakiss.

Butthenhebrokeawayandsheblinkeddazedly,almostembarrassingherselfbychasingafterhim.

“Yousureyouwantthis?You’reshaking.”

Soshewas.Butnotfromfearoranysenseofhesitation.Histhumbsstrokedhercheeks.Thisclose,

shecouldseethedarkfringeofhiseyelashesandtinyscarshereandthere,showingthemselvesasonly
slightdiscolorationsagainstthedarkertoneofhisskin.Theimperfectlinesofhisnosewhereithadbeen
brokenGodonlyknewhowmanytimes.Somuchpain.Itmadeherachetothinkofthetorturehe’dput
himselfthroughforhisfamily,andnowforaliving,evenifitwasagoodliving.Liftingherhand,she
gentlytouchedoneofthelargerscarsthatalmostcutintohisrighteyebrow.

“Savannah,”hesaidgruffly,“I’mgoingtomakeyousayit.Ifyoucan’t,thenI’lltakeyoubackright

now.”

“Iwantthis.”Sheswallowedagain,drewabreath.“Iwantyou.”Andalltheairleftherlungs,

becausehebentdowntograspherassandliftheragainsthimuntiltheywereface-to-face,herdressall
bunchedupinhishands,baringherlegs.Throughthethinmaterial,hisfingerswerehotasabrand,andso
closetohercenter,whichwassuddenlydampandaching.Hedepositedheronthekitchenisland,rock-
solidabsholdingherthighsopen.Itgaveherarareflashofself-consciousness.Whathadshedone?
Maybesomeoneasrippedashewaspreferredathletictypes,andshecouldn’trememberthelasttime
she’dseentheinsideofagym.Buthekissedheragainandsuddenlyherbodydidn’tgiveashitwhatit
lookedlike—itonlywantedthisman.

Gently,sogently,thetipsofhisfingersskimmedupherarmsandslippedbeneaththethinstrapsofher

dress,slidingthemdown.Insteadofpullingherdressdownassheexpected,thosefingerstrailedbackup
overhershoulders,tracinghercollarbones,whichfeltsodelicatebeneathhisbighands.Hiseyesliton
thetinypinkhearttattooshehadattheedgeofherrightclavicle,barelyanybiggerthanafreckle.Ithad
nooutline;she’dwantedittolooklikeanaturalpartofherskin.

“Jesus,”herasped,hisfingertipscirclingit.“That’sthesexiestfuckingthingI’veeverseen.”
Somehowshefounditwithinhertolaugh,butitcameoutameregustofair.“That?”Asiftoshowher

howmuchhemeantit,hismouthwenttowherehisfingershadbeen,andherheadfellback,herlegs
tighteningaroundhim.

“Mm-hmm.”
“You’llbehappytoknow,then,thatIhavethreemorejustlikethatone.I’llleaveittoyoutofind

them.”

Hisroughgrowlvibratedagainstherskinandhishandswenttoherwaist,fistingonthefabricofher

dress.Shefearedhemightripit,thendecidedshedidn’tgiveadamn.“Isthatalittlegameyouliketo
play?”

“Sometimes.”
“WhatdoIgetifIwin?”
Oh,ifonlyheknew.“I’lltellyouifyouwin,”shesaidbreathlessly.
“Ithinktherewardmightjustbeintheplaying.”
Thattoo.Forhisdelectablemouthandbighandstoexploreherentirebody...sheshiveredwiththe

promiseofit.

Whenhisgriprelaxedatlast,hishandssliduphertorso,thumbsbrushingjustattheoutercurvesof

herbreasts.Allthewhileherainedworshipfulkissesoverhershoulders,herneck,herjaw,whileshe
allowedherhandstoroamthebreadthofhisbackandtriednottosquirmtoowantonlyagainsttherough
pressofhisjeansbetweenherthighs.Whenhefinallytouchedherhewasgoingtofindher
embarrassinglywet,butthinkingaboutitonlymadeherwetter,madeherthrobharder,madehersquirm
more.

Hishandsreturnedtoherwaist,gatheringthefabricofherdress.Withoutherstrapstoholditin

place,thebodicecreptdownward.Hewatcheditsprogressionasherbreathheaved,hiseyesfullof
nakedneed,hunger.Greed.Shelickedherlipsastheruchededgereachedthetopofherareola,barely
revealingitsduskyrosehuebeforehismouthwasthereandtheprotectionofherdresswascompletely
gone.“Istandcorrected,”hemurmuredagainsther,thenhernipplewasinhiswet,suckingmouth,andshe
criedout,clutchinghisheadtoher.

Whenhefoundsexythings,helikedtokissthem.Goodtoknow.Asheleanedintoher,sheletherlegs

ridehigheronhiswaist,feelingherdressslipfartherupherthighs.Barredonlybythethinnessofher
panties,thescentofherownarousalbloomedaroundthem.Itmusthavegonetohishead;hecursedand
groundhishipsintohers,movinghismouthtogiveherothernipplethesamethoroughtreatmentasthe
first.Histongueswirledtantalizingpatterns,hismouthsuckedhertoanachingpeak,histeethgavetiny
nipsthatmadeherwhimper.Shehadalwaysconsideredherselfsmallishintheboobdepartment,butthey
hadneverfeltsoheavyandfeverish,sendingarcsofpleasurelikegentlelightningbetweenherlegs
wheresheclenchedonemptinessshewasnearbeggingforhimtofill.

Andatlast,justasshewasbeginningtoponderiforgasmfromnipplestimulationalonewasa

possibilityforher,hismouthcamebacktohers.“Didn’tfindit,”hesaid.“Needtokeeplooking.”

Shecouldn’tgatherherwitsenoughtoreply,onlygivinghimahelplessnod.
Withherarmsandlegswoundtightaroundhim,hernakedchestheldtightagainsthim,hestrode

throughthedimlylithouseintothedarknessofabedroom.Shetippeddizzilyandherbacksankintoa
pillow-topmattresscoveredwithathick,softcomforter.Hemovedaway,andafteramomentsoftlight
filledtheroomfromalampinonecorner.Enoughtosee,dimenoughtoconceal.Hergazeneverlefthim
ashereachedbehindhisheadandpulledhisshirtoff,thencrawledupthebedtowardher.Savannah’s
handsimmediatelyflewtohisbody,desperatetofeeltheheatandsmoothnessofhisskin,tracethedips

andlinesofhismuscles.Never,everhadshebeenwithsomeonebuiltlikehim.Shewantedtoknow
everyinchofhimbeforethenightwasover.

Everyinch.
Thebreathshudderedoutofhimathertouch.Thatsheheldpoweroversuchapowerfulspecimen

gaveherasurgeofconfidence,andsheallowedherquestingfingerstoridetheridgesofhisabdominal
musclesdowntohisfly,seeking,finding—Oh,Jesus—thethickbulgepressingagainstthedenim.His
entirebodyjerkedwhenshecaressedit,andhishandwenttohers,squeezinghardforamoment.“Let
me,”shecajoled,sittinguptostealakissfromhislips.Withagroan,hepulledherquestingfingersaway
andpinnedherwristtothemattress,denyingherwhilehisnakedchestheavedoverher.

“Notyet,”hewhisperedinherear,thenkissedapathdownfromherneck.Hismouthsoughtand

foundherrightnipple,histongueteasedit,andithardenedtothepointofpainagainforhim.Hishand
foundtheother,andshefleetinglywishedshehadmoretofillhisbigpalmwith,buthedamnsuredidn’t
seemtomind.Withlipsandgentlenipsofhisteeth,heworkedherintoatoe-curlingfrenzy,herthighs
writhingagainstthejeansstillcoveringhiships.Shebegantryingtoshovethosedownandoutofherway
despitehisearlierprotest,butitwasnouse.

Herownthighswerespreadaroundhisnarrowhips,herdressbunchedaroundherwaist,thethinlacy

pantiessheworetheonlythingseparatingherfromhistouch.Theyweredrenchedwithherneed,rasping
againsthersensitizedflesh,andshewantedthemgone.Shegroundherhipsagainsthim,tryingtoentice
himtodosomethingaboutthatbeforeshehadto.Nosoonerhadshethoughtitthanoneofhishandsfisted
thedelicatescrapatherhip.

“Ripit,”shepleaded,needingtoknowhisstrength,gaspingatthepainfulsnapwhenhedidso.His

mouthfoundhersagaininafrenzyoflips,teeth,tongue.Theshockofcoolaircirculatingoverher
inflamedcentermadehermoan.Whentheedgeofhisfingersscorchedherthere,though,glidingeasily
throughherslickness,shefearedshemightdrawbloodfromhislipcaughtbetweenherteeth.

“Fuck,Savannah,”hegroaned,histouchstrongandroughandalmosttoomuchinherheightenedstate

ofsensitivity.Shejerkedandsquirmed,herclitthrobbing,everythingafevered,liquidache.Hehada
wayofgentlyworkinghisfingertipsindependentlyofeachotheroverherclitthatdamnnearshotherinto
spacerightthere.

“Michael,please...”Heteasedlower,sought,found,slippedinside.Sheclenchedhisfinger,

relishingthesoundthattorefromhisthroat.Anotherjoineditthen,stretchingher,burning.Yes.Andthen
hewentdown,kissingapathoverherstomachwhilehisfingerssetupaslowrhythm,inandout,sothick.
Histongueslidoverherfolds,teasingbetweenthemtoherclit,sohot,meltingher.Shepanted,tiltingup
tomeethim,spreadingwiderwhenhesuckedhardonher,onlyaddingtothemaelstromofsensationand
emotionbuffetingher.Herbodyinvoluntarilytwistedinagonywhenheslowedhisstrokes.Fists
crammedtohermouth,shefoughtnottocomeyetandfoughttocomeveryhardrightnow...

Hepulledhismouthaway.Shebitdownonafrustratedscream.“Iseeone,”hemurmured,thefingers

ofhisfreehandalightingonthepinkheartbelowherlefthipbone.“Twodown.”

Oh,fuckthattattoo.Betteryet,fuckme!“Michael,”shesaidaspatientlyasshecould,“there’sa

certainurgentmatterrequiringyourattention.”

“IthinkIshouldkeeplookingforthethirdone.I’mtryingtowinagamehere.”
“Ican’tkeepthisgoing.Please,justmakemecome.”
Hischucklewasaburstofwarmairoverhersuperheatedflesh.Inherheightenedstate,itwasalmost

enoughtosetheroff.Glancingdown,shewatchedhimtrailkissesupherinnerthigh,watchedhimstare
betweenherlegs.Everyoneofhersensesfocusedonhim.Hisfingersinherpussy.Hiseyes.His
breathing.Thetasteofhimstillinhermouth.Thescentofsmokethatstillclungtohim.

“Istandcorrectedagain,”hemurmured,droppinghisheadbacktoherwhileshewantedtoshout

hallelujah.

Becauseoh,shit,hewasgoodatthat.Firmandsureofhimself,andrightinthemiddleofherpoor

frazzledmindthrowinganothernotyet!atherneedynetherregions,shewaslost.Herhipswrenchedhard
offthebed,buthewasimmovable,holdinghersteadysothatshecouldn’tthrowhimoffhistaskof
wringingherofeverydropofpleasure,everyjoyouscryofrelease.Whenshefinallydidcomebackto
earthfromhertripthroughthestars,she’dnearlypulledthecomforteroffthesidesofthebedandhewas
hoveringoverher,lookingintohereyes.Inherrawstate,hisgazewasevenmorepenetratingthanusual.
Sheshookallover.

“You’rebeautiful,”hewhispered.Savannahrespondedbyplungingherfingersintohishairand

pullinghimdownforakiss,intowhichhefellwillingly.Onhislipsshetastedhimandherself,finding
theblendhighlyerotic;theyweredelicioustogether.

Butthen,tohergreatconfusion,heslidtohersideandpulledherbacktohim,wrappingthose

amazingarmstightaroundherandnuzzlingherneck.Theevidenceofhisarousalpressedintoher
backside,throughhisjeans—howthefuckhadn’tshegottenhimoutofthemyet?—buthemadenomotion
totrytoslakeit.

“Mike?”
“Hmm?”
“Don’tyouwant...?”
Achuckleruffledthehairatherear.“Oh,yeah.You’dbetterbelieveIwant.”
“Metoo.Sowhatareyouwaitingfor?”
“Stillsureaboutthis?”
“Morethanever.”
“Youmightnotfeelthesameinthemorning.”
“Idon’tcareaboutthemorning.We’lldealwithitwhenitcomes.”
Hekissedherneck,pushingherhairawayfromherskinthereandbehindherear.Savannahhadto

gigglewhensherealizedhewasstilllookingforhearts.Buthersmilefalteredwhenanunpleasantthought
tookrootinhermind,growingandunfurlingandtakingoverbeforeshecouldstopit.“Howwillyoufeel
inthemorning?DoyouthinkI’mhorrible?”

“No,Jesus,no.It’syouI’mworriedabout.IalreadyknowwhatIam.”
“You’renot—”
“Shh.It’sokay.”
Oh,frustratingman.Buthishandhadslippedbetweenthem,workinghisbeltandthenthebuttonsof

hisfly,andherentirebodyclenchedinanticipation.Hisotherarm,wrappedupfromunderneathher,still
heldherfastagainsthim.Shelovedthat,thestrength,thepossession.Theheatofhisbarecockslid
againstherassandsheturnedherfacedeeperintothepillow,hopingsheknewwhatshewasgetting
herselfinto.Despiteanamazingorgasm,herentirelowerbodysurgedwithrenewedneed.

Lettingherhandcreepbackbetweentheirbodies,shetookhiminhergrasp,sohot,sohard.Hishand

clenchedonherarmandhedroppedhisheadtoherneckwhilesheplayed,givinghimlightstrokesfrom
basetotip,teasingthethickridgeofhiscrown.Nodoubtaboutit;hewasgoingtofeelmagnificent.

Whensuddenlyheshovedheroveronherstomach,shegasped,herheartleapinghappilyintoher

throat.Hishandsstrokeddownherback,followingthecurvesofherbodytoherass,wherehegavea
gentlesmack.“Numberthree.”

Shegiggled.Thethirdheartwasjustaboveherrightcheek.“Onemoretogo.Ibetyouneverfindit.”
“Ikindofhatetheguywhogottogiveyouthese.”

“Nothingforyoutohate.”
“Idohavesomegoodnewsforyou,”hesaid,piquingherinterest.
“Ohyeah?”
Heleaneddowntokissheronhertattoo,thenmovedhisteasinglipstothebaseofherspine.She

shivered.“Youdon’thavetoshopliftcondomsthistime,”hemurmuredagainstherskin,andshelaughed.

“No?Notthistime?”
Inanswer,shecrawledoffherandreachedovertothenightstand.Stilldriftinginpost-orgasmicbliss,

shedidn’twatch,onlyheardhismovements:thedraweropeningandclosing,thebox,thefoilpacket
tearing.Thesoundoflatexunfurling.Hisjeansstrippingofftherestoftheway.Shecouldonlyliethere
andquake,anticipationandapprehensionwarringfordominance.Thenhewasbackoverher,gently
partingherthighsasshenibbledherthumbandclosedhereyes.

“Beautiful,”hemurmured,strokingthecurveofherhipanddroppinganopenmouthedkissontheback

ofherneckthatmadehertrembleharder.Bighandsgraspedherhipsandtiltedthemupwardforhim.
Gasping,shefistedthesheets,waitingwitheveryfiberofherbeing:breath,blood,lifeitself.

“Still?”heasked,asshefelthimguidehimselftoherentrance,wideandthick,partingherfoldsand

rubbingbetweenthem.Whenhewaspositioned,hemovedhishandstoherasscheeks,fingersdiggingin.

“Still,”sheconfirmed,wigglingbackagainsthimthoughheheldherfirm.Shewantedhiminsideso

badlyrightthenshewouldhavesufferedanythingtohaveit,butjustasshethoughthemightgiveherwhat
sheneeded,hepulledbackwithagroan.

“You’regoingtofeelsofuckinggood,Savannah,”herasped.
“Thentakeit,”shepleaded.Therequest,inthesweetestvoiceshecouldmuster,wasallthe

encouragementheneeded.Onemoreslowcaressandhewasthereatherentranceagain,hispushfirmto
slippastherinitialresistance.Therewaslittle.Shewasstillsowetfromherclimaxandhismouththere
wasnokeepinghimout.Butoh,hewasbig.Shegaspedandhepaused,givinghertime,butshedidn’t
needmuch.Shecravedmore.All.Aboveher,heshudderedwithrestraint,andherbreathywordstumbled
outontopofoneanother.

“More,”shebegged,tryingtomaneuverherlegswider,“moremoremore—”
Allatonce,hishandsscoopedunderherbodyandliftedhersothatshesatonhisbentlegs,inaprime

positionforhishandtotraildownandlazilyworkherclitassheslidinchbyagonizinginchdownhis
cock.Shedidn’tknowhowshefelttohim,buthewasperfectionforher.Hereyesrolledbackinher
head;herheadfellbackonhisshoulder.Hisotherarmcrossedherbody,hishandgoingtoheropposite
breast,beadingthenipplebetweenhisdeftfingers,workingallofherhotspotsatonce.“Oh,fuck,
Michael.”Herheadrolledtowardhimandhewasabletocatchhisnameonherlipswithakiss.

“Istandcorrectedagain,”hemurmured,thrustingupintoher,thrustingtheverybreathfromherlungs.

Itwaseverything.Everythingshe’dbeenlookingfor.“Sogoddamnperfect,Savannah.Soperfect.”

Shewhimperedanincoherentreplyastheirbodiesmetagainandagain,ashereacheddepthsinher

noonehadbeenabletodiscover,bodyandsoul.Matchinghisrhythmtotheswirlinggoodnessofthose
maddening,strummingfingertipsonherclit,andshethoughtshemightloseherdamnmindinthisman.
Sweattrickledbetweentheirbodiesandslickedtheirmovementsagainsteachother;shefeltadroprun
overherhip,feltwetnesstricklefromwhereheinvadedherbody.Herthighsshookwitheffortand
exertion.Sheliftedbotharmstograsphisheadfrombehind,archingherbodysothathehitnewplaces
insideher,workedthem,madethemhis.Sheshouldhaveknownfuckinghimwouldbeafull-body
workout.

Andshewasn’tlongforthisworldofsinfulpleasures;herclimaxbuiltfromdeepinherbelly,

sharpening,tightening.Hisrapidbreathingturnedintobreathygroansandhepushedherover,pumping

frombehindasshestruggledtoholdherselfuponherarmsbutgaveupwhenhermusclescollapsed.
“Needtoseeyou,”hegrowled,pullingfromherwithajerkthatmadeherentirebodyspasm,thenshe
foundherselfflippedoveraseasilyasifshewereadoll.Legsoverhisshoulders,manhandledinto
positionbyhimbecauseshelackedthestrengthtomove.Shetookhimeasilynow,andso,sodeep,so
greedyforhim,herbodyweepingforreleaseandshecouldn’tfuckingthinkanymore.Butshesawhim,
sawhowhestaredhardintohereyesashisthrustingcockpushedherovertheedgeandshefellatlast,
callinghisnamelikeaprayer.

ChapterEleven

MiketriedtogatherhisfracturedsensesenoughtocheckonSavannah’swell-being,buthecouldn’tquite
formacoherentthoughtyet.He’djustcomesohardhefearedhemighthaveblownoutthefucking
condom,butgentlypullingfromherbodyshowedittostillbeintact.

Heneededtotakecareofthat,butdamnifhewasgoingtoleaveherrightnow.Cradlingherheadin

hispalm,hekissedherlightly,strokedherskinwhereverhetouched,tryingtosootheher.Shetrembledso
violentlyunderneathhim.Hercheekswerewet.Itmadehimwanttofuckingbreaksomething.“Savannah.
Areyouokay?”

“I’mokay,”shewhimpered,snugglingtohim.Hedroppedtohersideandwrappedhertightinhis

arms,stilltryingtogetcontrolofhisownemotions.Forsomereason,hehadtheurgetoapologizetoher,
butdamnifhewassorrythishadhappened,andhehopedshewasn’teither.

Hesettledfor,“Areyousure?”
“Idon’tknow,”sheadmitted.Herbreathwashotandquickagainsthisskin.Herpulsestillraged;he

couldfeelitpracticallyshakingherbody.“Ithinkso.”

Hedroppedhisnosetoherfragranthairandinhaleddeeply.Nothinghadeverfeltasdeliciousas

everyinchofheragainsthim.Sheslidherlegoverbothofhisandhecaressedit,delightinginthesmooth
softnessofherskin.Withonefinal,deepbreath,herbodybegantorelaxatlast,andthenthesexiest,
throatiestchucklehe’deverheardsounded,makinghimcontemplatedoingitallagain.

“I’mwaitingforeverythingtocomebackonline.Likewhenthepowercomesbackonafteralightning

storm.”

Laughing,hepushedsomewaywardstrandsofhairfromhereyes.“CanIdoanythingtohelp?”He

nippedherearlobeandshegavealittlesqueak.

Herfaceturnedintohischestandherarmstightenedaroundhim.“Justkeepholdingme.”
Toosweet.Toosweetforhim.“Withpleasure.”
Shewassilentandstillforseveralminutes,andhewonderedifshewasbeginningtodoze.Hemight

havehimself.Butthenshesaid,“It’sgoingtobesohardtowakeupearlyinthemorning.”

“Shh.Don’tthinkaboutthemorning.Justbehere.”
“Okay.”Shesighedcontentedly.“Here’sgood.Ilikehere.”
Andhelikedherherealittletoomuchforherowngood.Helikedthis.Relationshipshadnevercome

easyforhim;hewaslikeabullinachinashoptryingtonavigatetheemotionalcomplexities.He’dgrown
upwatchinghismotherattachherselftoonedeadbeatdrugaddictafteranother,andeventhenhis
impressionablemindhadknownitwasn’tsupposedtobelikethat.Therehadtobesomethingmore,
somethingbetter.Hisfirstfewrelationships—ifhecouldcallthemthat—hadn’tgivenhimmuchhope.If
hecouldhaveawomanlikethistoholdeverynight,though...

BeingwithSavannahfeltasnaturalasbreathing.
Onceshewascalm,heslippedoutofbedtotakecareofthecondomandcamebacktoher,herlips

immediatelyseekinghisuponhisreturn,softandalittleshy.Howshecouldfeelshyafterthatexplosion,
hedidn’tknow.Hecradledherhead,strokedhercheek,andkissedheruntilshearchedherhips
invitingly.Renewedlustsurgedthroughhim,hardeninghimagainforher,buthetookthetimehe’dbeen
toocrazedtoallowhimselfearlier.Findinghernipplestightandpeaked,heteasedthemwithlight

caressesuntilshewhimpereddeepinherthroat.Hecouldalmosttastethosesucculentlittlebudsinhis
mouth,feelthemagainsthistongue,buthewastoobusytastingandfeelingherlips,hersweetness,her
tongueinhismouth.Hewantedallofher,allatonce.Andshewassoeagertogiveittohim.

“Stillhaven’twonthisdamngame,”hemurmured,savoringthelaughthatburstfromher,thebeautiful

smilethatcrinkledhereyes.Herlips,naturallyredfromhiskisses,wereirresistible.Heenjoyedthemfor
anothermomentortwowithhisownbeforebeginningajourneydownherlong,lithebody,leavingno
inchofheruntouchedonhiswaydown.“Let’ssee,”hesaid,pullingherrightlegoutfromwhereitwas
tangledinthecomforterandholdingitoutstraightforhisthoroughinspection.

Laughing,Savannahcoveredherfacewithbothhandswhileheranhishandoverherskin,following

withhislips,allthewaytoherfoot.“Helpmeouthere.AmIhotorcold?”

Herhandsfellawaytorevealanimpishglintinhereyes.“Nottelling.”
“Comeon.”
“Nope.”
“You’renofair.”Convincedtherewasnolittlepinkheartnestledanywherefromthetopofherthigh

tothebottomofherdaintyfootwithitsprettypinktoenails,heputherlegdownandcrawledovertogive
theotherthesametreatment.

Shehelpedhimthistime,liftingherleftlegandputtingherfootonhisshoulder.Watchinghimwitha

littlesmileclingingtoherlipsashestroked,kissed,stared.Nothingonherankle.Nothingonherfoot
itself,orhersmoothcalf...frontorback.Nothingonherthigh.Hecouldn’tgetagoodlookattheback,
buthethoughthewouldhaveseenitwhenhehadheronherstomachbefore.

“Hmm,”hesaid,replacingherlegonthebed.“I’mstumped.”
“Don’tgiveupyet,”shesaid,poutingadorably.
“Allright.Turnover.”
Damn,howheenjoyedwatchingherdothat,thegracefulmove,thestronglinesofherback,the

beautifulcurveofherass.Theflipofherhairasshemoveditoutofhisway.Helethishandsdiscover
everysquareinchofher,slidingoversoftskin,kissingthedimplesabovethefirstriseofhercheeks,
lettinghisfingerslightlyskimthesweetrecessbetween.Shemadeabreathlesssound,enjoyinghis
exploration,buttheonlyhearthesawwastheonelowonherback.

“Areyousurethere’sonemore?”heasked.
Savannahgiggled,lowandlusty.“Promise.”
Hiseyesmovedoverherarms,herwrists.Hepickedupfirstoneandthentheother.Nothingonthe

insideofeitherwrist,nothingonhersoftinnerforearms.“Damnit,Savannah.Igiveup.Itmustbe
somewherenoonewouldeversee.”Surelynotontheinsideofherlipor—

“No,youcanseeit.IfIwantyouto.”
Whatthehell.Itmustbeonherscalp.Andasmuchashewouldliketospendtherestofthenightwith

hisfingersinthatlustroushair,thereweremorepressingmatterstoattendto.Likehowhardhewasafter
touchingherforsolong.Oh,sheknewwhatshewasdoingwhensheinventedherlittlegame.

“Fuckit.I’llfinditlater,”hesaid,rollingherovertoherbackandpullingherthighuponhishipas

shegasped,watchinghereyeshalfcloseinpleasureasheteasedherclitwithslowstrokesofthe
undersideofhiscock.Damn,shewaswet.Andwarm.Hewantedhersofuckingbaditterrifiedhim,so
badithurt.Itwouldbebetterforherifshedidn’trealizehowmuchsheaffectedhim,ifshecouldgeton
herplaneandgobacktoNewOrleansandforgetallaboutthis.

Hedidn’twantherto.Andhedamnsuredidn’twanttoforget.
Miketookaminutetoslipanothercondomon,thenreturnedtothewelcomingcircleofherarmsand

easedgentlyinsideher,carefultomonitoranywince,flinch,orwhimper.Buteverythingabouther

seemedreadytoaccepthimregardlessoftheirearlierexuberance.Shewassoft,andsweet,andso
beautifulheachedtolookather.Sohekissedherinstead,theirbodieswithoutabreathofairbetween
them,combinedandmovinginperfectrhythmwitheachother.Shefithimperfectly.Devastatingly.

Minutesoryearspassed;helosthimselfinher.Maybehewasfindinghimselftoo.Whenshecame,

givingarolling,leisurelyundulationofherhips,hedrankhercrieswhileherinnermusclespulsed
erraticallyaroundhim,drivinghimnuts,takinghimdownwithher.Hedroppedhisheadtohershoulder
andcursedassheseemedtodrawthereleasefromsomewheredeepinhissoul,herfingernailsbitingthe
musclesinhisback.

Itwasalongtimebeforeeitherofthemcouldspeak,combined,naked,sweaty,tangledinthesheets.

Heneverwantedtobeanywhereelse.

EvenafterallthetimesSavannah’ssoulhadbeenstrippedbareforhimtonight,hisarmswerelikeasafe
havenwherenothingbadcouldseeortouchherifshedidn’twantitto.Shelayfacinghim,practically
floating,whilehegentlytracedherarmwithhisfingertips.Somehowthewayhewaslookingatherwas
moreintimatethananythingtheyhaddonetogethertonight.

“Whatareyouthinkingabout?”sheaskedhimafteramoment,smilingalittleassheanticipatedhis

answer.

Instead,though,heaskedaquestioninreturn.“Howareyou,Savannah?”
Hersmileslipped,browsdrawingtogether.“I’mgood.”
“No,”hesaidsoftly,movinghishandfromherarmtostrokehercheek.Sheknewfromtheemphasis

heputonthewordsexactlywhathemeant.“Howareyou?”

Andshealmostcouldhatehimrightthen,becausetearsfilledhereyesbeforesheevenrealizedwhat

washappening.Shewipedatthemfuriously,horror-struck.

“Baby,”hegroaned,pullinghertighteragainsthimandholdinghersoclosehishandfistedinherhair.

“It’sokay.Youcryifyouneedto.”

“Whydoyouhavetobesowonderful?”shewailed,andhatedherselfevenmoreforhowpatheticshe

sounded.“Anddon’tyoudaresayyou’renot,”sheaddedbeforehecouldopenhismouth.

“Doyouwantmetostop?”heteased.“Trybeingadick?”
“No.”Shesomehowmanagedtochuckleandsniffleatthesametime.“ButIdowantyoutobereal.”
“Thisis...realasitgets,darlin’.”
“You’renothinglikeIexpectedyoutobe.Ionlysawhowyouwerewithyouropponents...with

Tommy.”

“It’sapartIplay.NotthatIdon’tgetintheretowin.Ido.Igetinthereknowingtheotherguyisthe

enemyandhe’stryingtotakewhat’smine.Intimidationtacticsareallapartofit.”

“Iknow.It’shardtoreconcilewhatIsawbeforewithwhatIknowaboutyounow.”
“Don’tgetitinyourheadI’msomekindofsaint,Savannah,”hesaiddarkly.“I’mnot.”
“Whois?I’mnot.”
“You?You’reanangel.Youstillhaven’tansweredmyquestion,though.Areyouokay?Holdingup?”
Gladthewaterworksseemedtobedryingupsomewhat,shedrewbackabit,feelingbraveenoughto

lookathimagain.Fornow.“I’ddoanythingtobringhimback.Imisshimsomuch.”

“Iknowyoumust.”
“It’snotonlyhowImisshim—it’ssofuckingunfair.Hedeservestobeheretoseehischildcomeinto

thisworld.Idon’tunderstandwhybadpeopleseemtothriveandgoodpeoplearetakenfromus.Itmakes
mefurious.”

“God,sweetheart,you’repreachingtothechoir.Buttrustme,Icomefromaworldwherethebad

peoplegettheirdue.I’veseenit.”

Somethingaboutthewayhesaidthatchilledher,knowinghowhefeltabouthimself.Butonceher

floodgateshadopened,shecouldn’tseemtoshutthem.“Andtonight...thatguyintheelevator,andthen
Jenna...”

Alineappearedbetweenhisdarkeyebrows,ascowlthatalmostmadeherregretsayinganything.

“WhatdidJennasay?”

“Nothingbad,justmoreofthesame,likeyourfanatthehotel.Shedidn’tknowwhoshewastalking

to.”

“Fuck,”hemuttered.“Itwould’vebeenbetterifI’dintroducedyouandsaidwhoyouwerefromthe

start.”

Sheshookherhead.“I’mnotsureI’mreadyforthat.”
Hewassilentforamoment,contemplative,andshewonderedifshe’dhurthimwiththosewords.It

hadn’tbeenherintention,onlyhertruth.“Tommyreallyrespectedyou,youknow,”shetoldhim.“Forall
thecrapyouguysflungateachotherbeforethefight,hethoughtholdinghisownwithyouinthecage
wouldbethehighesthonor.”

“Ididn’tknowhim,”hesaid,“butheseemedlikeasolidguy.”
Savannahshrugged.“Hehadhisbadpointslikeeveryone.Wefoughtlikecrazyalotofthetime

growingup;Ipracticallyhatedhimsometimes.Butoncewewereolder,wegotreallyclose.Ithinkitwas
Rowanwhohelpedthathappen,actually.ShebecamelikethesisterIneverhad.”

“Igetthatvibefromyoutwo.”
“Tommywasmyparents’favorite,though,notwowaysaboutit.”
“Oh,comeon.”
“Ithinkyou’rethefirstpersontoaskmehowI’mdoinginweeks.Atleastthefirstpersonwhoreally

seemedinterestedintheanswer.Everyonearoundmehastheirownpaintodealwithrightnow,andIfeel
likeIwouldbeoverburdeningthemifItoldthemaboutmine.ButIguessyouhaveyourstoo,though,
right?AmIbeingentirelyselfish?”

Hewatchedher,listeningintently.Noonehadeverlistenedtoherthewayhedid.Likeeveryword

wasatreasuretobeexaminedandconsidered.Shehopedforsomeperfectwisdomfromhim,something,
anything,thatwouldmakeitallokay.“What’swrongwithbeingselfish?Ifwedon’tlookoutfor
ourselves,whothehellwill?Butyou,Savannah—no,you’redefinitelynot.”

Thinkingaboutwhathe’dsharedtonight,aboutthethingshe’ddoneforhisbrothers,shefeltawfuland

childishontopofselfish,becausewhatthehelldidshereallyknowaboutsuffering?Heprobablywanted
tocallheraspoiledbratbutwastoonicetodoit.“Andforwhatit’sworth,”hewenton,“you’llalways
havemeifyouneedme.”

Incredibly,thatmeantmoretoheratthemomentthananythingherfamily,herfriends,orRowancould

everhavesaid.Shesmiledandkissedhim.“That’sworthmorethanyou’lleverknow.”

ChapterTwelve

Finally,hereyesdriftedclosed.Sheopenedthemagaintodaybreakandasoftbreezecaressingher
cheeks.Liftingherhead,shesawforthefirsttimethatMike’sbedroomhaditsowndeck,whereairy
whitecurtainsbillowedaroundtheopenpatiodoor.Hestoodouttherenow,leaningontherailing,
wearingagrayT-shirtandlongblackshorts,framedbyacloud-chokedsunrise.

Savannahrolledontoherbackpushedbothhandsbackagainsttheheadboardandindulgedinalong,

luxuriousstretchtoworkouttheachesinhermuscles.Shedoubtedverymuch,however,thattherewas
muchtobedonefortheachebetweenherthighs.

Hemusthaveheardthelittlegroansheutteredwiththeeffortofherstretch,becauseheturnedand

walkedbackin,smilingather.“Morning.Iwasjustabouttowakeyou.Figuredyouneededtogetbackto
yourhotel.”

“DoIhaveto?”shejoked,rollingovertoherstomach.
“No,”hesaidsolemnly,droppingtoonekneebesidethebedandbrushingadarktendrilofhairfrom

hereyes.“NotifIhaveanythingtodowithit.”

“IwishIcould,”shesaid,andmeantit.Itwouldbewonderfultospendthedaygettingtoknowhim,

seeinghisroutines,learninghishabits.

“I’msorryyoudidn’tgetmuchsleep.Butthere’scoffee,ifyouwantit.”
Feelingsuddenlyshyhereinthelightofday,shedroppedhergazetohiswonderfulmouthandsaid,

“CanIhaveyouinstead?”Nowthatyou’veruinedmeforallothers?

Hiseyesclosedasifhewereinpain,butwhenheopenedthemagainsheknewtherewouldbeno

arguingwithhim.“I’dbettergetyouback,don’tyouthink?”

Yes.Hewasright.Didn’tmeanshehadtolikeit,butatleastshecouldbematureaboutit.
Aquickshowertowashoffthenight’sremnantsandshewaslefttoputonherdiscarded,wrinkled

sundress...withnopanties,becauseMikehaddestroyedthematherurging.ShehopedtoGodastrong
burstofwinddidn’tsendthedressflutteringuparoundherhead,showinghergoodstoeveryoneoutside
thehotel.

Thehotel.Shedidn’twanttothinkaboutit.Onceshegotbackthere,shewouldhaveRowantoface,

andentertainallday,andlieto.Howcouldshelookintothoseunassuminggreeneyesandpretendlast
nighthadn’thappened?Rowanwouldordinarilybethefirstpersonshe’dsharehersecretswith,ifshe
sharedthemwithanyoneatall.Notthistime.Oh,God,no,notthistime.

Theknowledgedampenedherspirits.Onenight,shethought.Rowantoldherselfonenight.Youtold

yourselfonenighttoo.

Nowshewantedsomanymore.SheandMikedidn’thaveaone-nightconnection;itwouldtakea

lifetimetoexplore.

“I’mpanty-less,”sheannouncedwhenshefoundhiminthekitchenafterdryingherhair.
Miketurnedfromthecounterwithawickedgrin,handingherafreshlypouredcupofcoffee.“Trying

totemptme?”

Shetookthecupandsippedatit,lettinghergazemeethisovertherim.“Idon’tknow.Isitworking?”
“Couldbe.”
“IwouldwalkoutonyourdeckbutI’mafraidofflashinganyjoggersthatmightbeoutthere.”

Hechuckled.“I’llfindyouahoodie.It’llswallowyou,butitshouldatleastkeepthatprettyass

covered.”Reachingbehindher,hegavesaidassasqueezeandshedamnnearmeltedintoapuddleonthe
floor.Didtheyreallynothavetime...?

Apparentlynot.Hewasalreadyheadingbacktowardthebedroom,tellingherhewouldberightback.

Carryinghercoffeewithher,shemovedovertothepatiodoor,watchingseagullsfrolicoutonthebeach
forafewminutes.Otherthanthebirds,itwasempty.Underthesteelygraysky,thegulflookedangryand
sullen.Stillbeautiful.Shewouldlovetostandoutthereinastorm.“IfIhaven’ttoldyouenoughalready,I
loveithere,”shecalledtoMike.“Myofferstillstandstotakeitoffyourhands.”

Achucklegreetedherwords.Sheglancedbackatthesound,findinghimreenteringthekitchen

carryingabundledhoodieinonehand.“I’mafraidI’vegrownattached.”

“Idon’tblameyou.Iwouldneverleave.”
“OrdinarilyIsplitmytimeprettyevenly.WhenI’mtrainingIliketobeclosetothegym.”
Anotherunwantedthoughttouchedher,andhercupfrozehalfwaytohermouth.Whynow?Whyhad

allthesereservationsjumpeduptoattackherthismorning?“Doyouhaveafightcomingup?You’dsaid
somethingaboutretiringbefore.”

Hewasawhileanswering.“Yeah,Iknow.I’mstillthinkingaboutit.Iworkwithmycoachseveral

timesaweekbutno,Idon’thaveanythingscheduled.Mymanagerwantedmetostepbackforawhile,
andIwantedtoalso.”

Probablyasmartmove.“Haveyoutoldyourpeoplewhatyou’rethinking?”
“No.”
Hemustnotbeconsideringittoohard,orhewouldaskforinputfromhisteam.Shetookadrinkof

coffee,debatingwithherself.“Idon’tthinkIcaneverbearounditagain,”sheadmittedafteramoment.
“AfterTommy...No.Icouldn’t.”

“ForawhileIdidn’twanttobearounditeither.Islowlygotbackinthegym,butithasn’tbeeneasy.I

just...Ineedit.”

“Why?”
“It’sallIknow.”He’dbeenavertinghisgaze;nowitsnappedbacktoherforabriefmomentandhe

grabbedhistruckkeysoffthecounter.“Readytogo?”

Bundledinhisheather-graysweatshirtthatnotonlycoveredherassbuthunghalfwaytoherknees,

allowingonlythemerestflutterofherdresstoshowunderneaththeband,sheclimbedinhistruckand
buckledup,feelingatoddswithherself.Theexcitementandmagicoflastnightwasinashesnow,
replacedwiththetoweringbrickwallofreality—andshehadjustcareenedmadlyintoit.

Therewasnothingforthem.Thelifetimeshe’dromanticallycontemplatedearlierwassomealternate

realitywhereTommywasstillalive.Thatrealitywasn’there,anditdamnsurewasn’tnow.

ThehourbacktoHoustonturnedouttobeclosertotwo;earlymorningtrafficwasheavyheadinginto

thecity.Itfeltlikeforever.Theylargelyspentitwrappedinaterrible,achingsilencewhileSavannah
watchedthebuildingsandcarswhizmaniacallybyasMikenavigatedthefreewayswithallthekamikaze
skillandconfidenceofsomeonewho’dbeendrivingherehisentirelife.Wheneversheglancedathim,his
facewaslikestone,hishandsgrippingthewheelsohardonegoodyankwouldprobablytearitfromthe
dash.

Hefeltittoo,then.
Maybelateritwouldn’thurtsomuch.Later,aftershespenttimewithRowan,aftershewitnessed

moreofhersister-in-law’sbaddays,aftersheexperiencedafewofherown.Shestillhadthem,those
momentswhensheheardsomethingfunnyandalmostcalledTommytotellhimaboutit.Andthenshe
wouldremember,anditwasalmostasifhisdeathhadjusthappenedalloveragain.

NoneofthatwasMike’sfault.Shebelievedthat,orshecouldn’thaveletlastnighthappen.Butit

wouldbemucheasiertodealwithlosingwhatmighthavebeennowthatsheknewwhattruelossfelt
like.Nothingelsecouldcomeclosetothat.Itwouldbeallright.Shecoulddeal.

“Whatareyoudoingtoday?”Mikeaskedatlast,thefirsttimeeitherofthemhadreallyspokensince

leavingGalveston.

“Shopping,Iguess.RowanwantedtogototheGalleria.”
Henoddedandtookanexit,gettingeverclosertothehotelandgoodbye.Herheartwasinherthroat

allofasudden.“Whataboutyou?”

“Home.Maybemoresleep.”
“Oh,definitely.Thatsoundsnice.Maybeshe’llsleepuntilnoonsoIcancatchanap.”Thoughit

wouldbeevennicerwithyouforapillow.

“Icangetyouacarforlater,ifyouwant.”
“Nah,we’llUber.Thankyou,though.”Andalltoosoonhepulledupoutsideherhotel.Shesatstaring

attheentrance,knowingsheshouldopenthedoorandrun,butunabletodoso.Frozentoherseat,she
drewadeepbreathandturnedherheadtofindhimlookingather.“Idon’twanttogoin,”shesaidsoftly.

Inaburstofmotionthatstartledher,hesurgedacrossthebenchseattocatchherfacebetweenhis

hands,kissingheruntilherbreathburnedthroughherlungsandheralreadysore,well-fuckedbody
weakenedandpleadedwithhertoreconsiderallofthis.Tosaytohellwithrealityandlivethefantasy
justalittlewhilelonger,nomatterwhatanyonethought.“Tonight,”hepracticallygrowledintoherear
justbeforenippingthelobewithhisteeth.“Letmeseeyouagaintonight,Savannah.”

Tonight?Whataboutnow?
“Okay,”shesaidstupidlyashesuckedapatchonherneckuntilitstunglikeherlipsdidfromthe

pressureofhiskisses.Hishandrodeupherbarethightoteasesweetlybetweenherlegs,atoddswiththe
fireandforceeverywhereelsehetouchedher.Hermusclesjumped,tighteningeverywhereasshe
clutchedathishead.Hernippleschafedagainsttheruchedbodiceofherdressunderneathhissweatshirt.
“OhGod.”

“Open,”hecommanded,andshedid,heavenhelpher,rightthereatthefrontentrancewhereanyone

mightwalkout,butatleasttheywereupfairlyhighinhistrucksotheywouldn’tbeabletoseewhathe
wasdoing.

Whathewasdoingwasworkinghisfingersinsideher,findingherwetandreadyformoreofhim.

Sinkingherteethintoherbottomlip,Savannahletherheadrollbackontheseatwithhisdevastating
come-hithermotionsrobbingherofthought,blindingher,makingherearsring.Shuttingtheworldout.He
hadthateffectonherandsomethingtriedtowhispertoherpleasure-drunkmindthatitwasn’tagood
thing.Shewasbeyondhearinganyvoicesofreason,movingherhipswithhim,seekingtherelease
hoveringjustoutofherreach...there,justthere,almost...

Histhumbbrushedherclitandshewasgone.Writhing,clutchinghim,sinkingherteethintohis

muscularshouldersoshewouldn’tcryout.Whenhe’dwrungeverylastspasmfromherspent,shaking
body,hegentlypulledhishandawayandhereyesflewopen.Itwasasifaspellhadbeenlifted,onethat
turnedherintosomeoneshescarcelyknew.Butdamn,diditfeelgood.Everyinchofherhadskinbroken
outingoosefleshastheheatrushedoutofher,andshewasgladforthewarmthofhishoodie.Andofhis
kisswhenatlastitwanderedbacktoherlips,sweetandreassuringafterthatwhirlwindorgasm.

“Iwanttotakeyouout,”hesaid,strokinghercheek.Lostintheseaofhisstormyblueeyesrightthen,

shefearedshewouldneverbeabletodenyhimanythinghewanted.

“I’dlikethat.”
“Canyoucangetaway?Idon’twanttokeepyoufromRowan,but...”Thosefabulouslipsteaseda

linealongherjaw.“Idowanttokeepyou.”

Gigglingsoftly,shestrokedhishair,enjoyingthefeelofhismouthonher.Okay,so...onemorenight.

Tomorrowshehadtoleavehim.Therewasnodenyingthat,nostoppingit.Mightaswellgoonenjoying
herselfwhileshewashere,ifshecould.“I’mhereforher,though,okay?Ifshewantstodosomething,
thenIhavetogowithher.Ijustdoubtshewill.”

“Understood.”
ButSavannahwasalreadywearingwhatshe’dplannedtoweartodayandwouldhavetoweartoday

whatshe’dplannedtoweartomorrow.Whatthehellwouldsheweartodinner?Shehadn’texpectedany
ofthis,butatleastshehadadayofshoppingtofigureitout.

“Youfeeltoogoodtoletgo,”hemurmured,andsheslidherarmsaroundhisneck,lettinghimholdon

aslongashewantedbecauseshewasrighttherewithhiminnotwantingtoletgo.Soakingineverything
abouthimshecould:thefeelofhisstubbleagainsthertenderflesh,thesteadyrhythmofhisbreathing,the
strongthrobofhisheart.Howwasshegoingtogetthroughtheday?

Thedayhadbegun,though,whethertheylikeditornot.SheclimbedcautiouslydownfromMike’s

truckstillwearinghishoodie,sincehetoldhertokeepit,andstoodwatchingamidthemorningbustle
untilhistruckturnedacornerandwasgonefromsight.He’dwantedtowalkhertoherhotelroomdoor,
butshe’dthoughtittooriskyincaseRowanwasupseekingbreakfast.Fatchancegivenlastnight,butit
wouldbejustherlucktogetcaughtmakingthiswalkofshame.Shewasn’tquitesurehowshemight
explainreturningtoherroomthismorningwearingthesamedressshe’dwornlastnightundera
sweatshirtthatwasthreesizestoobig,butitwouldbeeasierthanexplainingitwhentheaccomplicewas
atherside.

Tenminuteslater,shewassnuggledunderthecoversaloneinherblissfullysilentroom,wearingthe

oversizeT-shirtshe’dpackedtosleepinbutstillsnuggledwithMike’shoodie.Itsmelledlikehisbeach
house,likehistruck,likehim.

Rowanyawnedthroughalatebreakfast,blearyeyedbutadorableanddressedforadayofshopping.She
hadcalledathalfpasttentowakeSavannahfromthedeepestsleepshecouldrememberinages.Bynoon,
thetwoofthemwerewalkingbeneaththecurvedglassroofoftheHoustonGalleria.Rowanfellinlove
withapairofAlexanderMcQueensandalsatNordstromthatSavannahtrieddiligentlytotalkheroutof.

“Youknowyourfeetaregoingtoswellandyouaren’tgoingtobeabletowearthem,”shewarnedas

RowanadmiredtheminthemirrorandthesalesladygaveSavannahtheevileyeasshenodoubt
contemplatedalostcommission.

“Theywon’tswellforever,silly.”
“MomalwayssaidherfootwasafullsizebiggeraftershehadTommy.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep.”
“Well...shit.Sorry,”shequicklyaddedtotheladyhelpingher,herhandgoingtohermouth.“Ithink

I’lltakethemanyway,though.Isimplymusthaveasouvenirfromthistrip.”

ThesalesladygaveasniffoftriumphinSavannah’sdirection,andwithRowan’smindmadeup,

Savannahfellsilent.Thegirlhadmoneytoburn;shesimplyfearedshewasburningthroughittoofast.
NotthatRowannecessarilyhadanythingtoworryabout—theDugasclanwouldcollapseinshameifshe
everhadtoworkadayinherlife,apparently.Inafewyears,Savannah’sowntrustfundwouldkickin,
andmaybethenshecouldentertainthenotionofspendinghundredsofdollarsonapairofshoesshemight
notbeabletowearinafewmonths.Butrightnowshewasfinanciallycomfortableandindependent

mainlybecauseshewasfrugal.

Frugalornot,though,shedidneedahotdressfortonight.AndRowanhadaneyelikeahawkforhot

dresses.

“Whatarewelookingfor?”RowanaskedlaterinNeimanMarcus,comingupbehindSavannahwhen

shethoughtshe’dlostherattheKateSpadehandbagsforafewminutes.

Startledandalittleguilty,shereplacedthebrightpinksleevelessA-lineshe’dbeenexaminingand

turnedaway.“Oh,nothing.”

“What’swrong?Thatwouldlookgreatonyou,youknow.Withyourdarkhairandmile-longlegs?

Please.Youshouldtryiton.”

Shedidlikeit.Brightcolorshadneverreallybeenherthing,butitwassexyandflirty,andsinceshe

hadnocluewhereMikewasplanningtotakehertonight,shedidn’twanttogooverboard.Rowan
snatcheditbackofftherackandthrustitather.“Iinsist.Putiton.Iwanttohateyoujustalittlebitmore.”

“Shutup,”Savannahscoffed,takingitandholdingituptoherbody.Yes,itwoulddefinitelyshowa

lotofleg.Mikewouldlikethat.Hell,shehadn’tbroughtanydecentshoestowearwithit.ToobadIcan’t
borrowRowan’snewsandals,shethoughtwithasmirk.Thetwoofthemwerewithinhalfashoesizeof
eachotherandfrequentlytradedwhenpossible,but...yeah.Thatwouldbetoomuch.

“Ithinkweshouldgetfacialstoo.Wouldn’tthatbefun?”
Allatonce,atoneinnocentsuggestion,hermindoverrodehersexorgansanditoccurredtoherwhat

ahorribleperson—sister,friend,familymember—shewasbeing.Rowandidn’tdeservethis.Butshe
wasdoingwell;itwasagoodday.HowcouldSavannahruinitforherbytellingherwhereshewas
goingtonight?

Woulditruinit?MaybeRowanhadgarneredamodicumofgoodwilltowardMikeafterhe’dmade

thistrippossibleforher.Miracleshappened,right?

Whileshewaswondering,RowanpropelledhertowardthefittingroomsandSavannahmechanically

undressedandslippedintotheslinkypinknumber,surveyingherreflectioncritically.Asusual,thegirl
hadbeenright—itshowedtheperfectamountoflegandheightenedaglowshehadn’trealizedshe
possessed.Ofcourse,Michaelmighthaveputthatglowtherelastnight.Witheverymovement,shecould
stillfeelhiminsideher,afullnessjustonthepleasuresideofpain.

Oh,God.Leaningherforeheadagainstthemirror,shesuckedinaseriesofcalmingbreathsandtried

togetagriponherracingthoughts.

She’dneverbeenadeceptiveperson.Never.Keepingsecretsfromthepeopleclosesttohersimply

wasn’tanoptionshe’deverhadtoconsider,andinrelationshipsitwould’vebeenadealbreaker.But
then,she’dneverhadasecretlikethis,onethatcouldhurtsomanypeople.Rowanwouldn’tunderstand.
Shewouldn’t—

Aknockpoundedonthedoor.“Areyouallrightinthere?Doesitnotfit?Youneedasizedown,right?

BecauseIhateyou.”

ShejumpedawayfromthemirrorasRowan’svoicefilteredthrough,hermouthspeakingoutonits

own.“I’mhavingdinnertonightwithMikeLarson.”

MaybeithadbeentheeaseofsayingitwithouthavingtolookRowanintheface.Ormaybeshe’dlost

herfuckingmind.Butthereasondidn’tmatter.Silence,completeandabsoluteandterrible,metthe
announcement.

“Rowan?”Please,please,please...
“Youdon’thaveto,youknow.Don’tthinkyouhavetodosomethingtothankhimforthisweekendon

mybehalf.”

What?“Itisn’tlikethatatall.Thatisn’twhatI’mdoing.He’stakingmeout,nottheotherway

around.”

“It’sonlythat...that’sadressIcouldseelyinginapuddleonthefloorcomemorning.”
God,shethoughtevenlessofhimthanSavannahhadthought.“Ipromise,itisn’taboutthat.”
“Okay.Soyoulikehim?”
Savannahforcedherselftostareherreflectionintheface,intheeyes,asshesaid,“Yes.Ilikehima

lot.”

“Icouldalreadytell.”Rowansighed.“I’mgoingtotrustyouknowwhatyou’redoing.”
Didanyofthemknow?Really?Alltheycoulddowasmakedecisionsbasedontheinformationthey

hadathand,andhopeforthebest.Buttherelief,oh,sweetJesus,thereliefatknowingRowandidn’thate
her...atleast,notyet.Sheclosedhereyes,savoringit.“Thankyou.”

“Whereishetakingyou?”
“Idon’tknow.”
“Well...Letmeseethedressonyou,atleast.”
Withsore,burningeyes,Savannahunlatchedthedressingroomdoorandpulleditopentoface

Rowan’scriticalanalysis.“Iloveit,”sheproclaimedatlast,meetingSavannah’seyeswithasmile.A
tremulousone,notanoverlyhappyone,butasmileallthesame.

“Metoo.”
“InfactIloveitalittletoomuch.Areyousureweshouldn’tfindyousomethingthatcoversyoufrom

necktoankle?”

Savannahchuckled.“Idon’tthinkthat’llbenecessary.”
Fortherestoftheday,Rowanseemedalittlequieter,alittlemoreintrospective,butsheinsistedon

helpingSavannahpickouttherightpairofshoesandtherightshadeofnailpolishforherfingersandtoes
whentheywentfortheirmani-pedis.TheonlytimeMikecameupagainwaswhentheywereontheirway
backtothehotelandRowanleanedclose,saying,“Whataboutyourparents?”

Savannahwavedahand.“Honestly,Idon’tthinktherewilleverbeanyneedforthemtoknow...

unlessyoutellthem.”Andhell,atthispoint,whowasshetojudgeifRowanwantedthemtoknow?
“Besides,Idon’tevenknowwhyI’mdoingthis.Irealizeit’sadeadend.Ido.”

“Then...why?Yousayyoudon’tknow,butmaybeyououghttofigureitout.Maybeyouatleast

shouldlookhimup.Ihave.Youmightnotlikewhatyoufind.”

Mikehadhintedasmuchhimself,andthethoughtstartedasick,sinkingfeelinginthepitof

Savannah’sstomach.Whywouldshewanttoseehimthroughthelensofthepress,orhisdetractors,orthe
peoplewhooutrighthatedhim?Noneofthosepeopleknewhim.Hell,shedidn’tknowhim,butthe
personshewasslowlybecomingacquaintedwithdidn’tseemtodeservethehandhe’dbeendealt.

Itonlymadeherlookforwardtoseeinghimallthemore,evenknowingtherewasaPandora’sboxof

horrificthingsinhispast.Asfarasshewasconcerned,itcouldremainclosed.

“Idon’twanttohurtanyone,”Savannahtoldhergently.“ButIdon’tthinkthewayhe’sbeingtreatedis

fair,Ro,andIhadasmuchreasontohatehimasanyone,don’tyouthink?Tommywasmybrother.Hewas
yourhusband,Igetit,butIgrewupwithhim.Weplayedinthesandboxtogether.Hetaughtmetoclimb
treesandrideabike,toswim,andtoswingabatwhenotherkidsmadefunofmefornotknowingwhatI
wasdoing.Idon’tsaythistominimizewhatyou’refeeling,onlytoassureyouthatiftherewereanypart
ofmethatblamesMikefortakinghimfromus,Iwouldhavenothingtodowithhim,Rowan.Nothing.I
hopeyoubelievethat.”

“Maybeyoushouldwatchthelastfewsecondsofthatfight.Iknowyoulookedaway.”Forthefirst

timetoday,truebitternesscreptintoRowan’svoice.

Savannahthrewherhandsup.“Why?WhywouldIwanttoseethat?”

“Tommywasdone.Hewasonthemat.Therefcalledit.Mikehithimagain.”Itwasspokenasif

Savannahwereanuncomprehendingfour-year-old.

“Youdon’tknowifthatwastheblowthatdidit,andevenifitwas,washealreadymidswing?Could

hehavestopped?Iftherefhadcalledithalfasecondearlier,wouldTommybealivetoday?Ifthat’sthe
case,thenwhydon’tyoublametheref?”

Rowanconsideredthatinsilenceforamoment.“Idon’twanttofightaboutthis,Savannah.”
“I’mnottryingtofightwithyou.Ijustwanttounderstand.”
“Idotoo.That’sallIwant.Iwanttounderstandwhythingsturnedoutthisway,becauseIhonestly

don’tknowhowmuchmoreIcantake.”

SavannahputanarmaroundRowan,whowasonthebrinkofameltdown,andcastanuneasyglance

atthebackoftheirpoordriver’shead.Thiswastheexactreactionshehadbeendreading,sherealized.
NotsomuchRowan’sanger,butherutterdevastation.Itwasalwaysanautomaticderailofwhateverthey
werediscussing.“I’msorry.Iknow,Iknow.Idon’thaveanyanswersforthat,hon.IwishIdid.”

TherestoftheridewasspentinsilencewhileRowantriedtostiflequiettearsandSavannahfelt

helplesstodoanythingthatmightmakethingsbetter.CancelingonMikeandneverseeinghimor
mentioninghimagainwasprobablytheonlythingthatwould.Butshewaiteduntiltheywerebackatthe
hotelandsafeinRowan’sroombeforeshesaid,“Tellmewhatyouwantmetodo.”

Rowanlookedupfromsettinghershoppingbagsonthebed,eyespink-linedandwatery.“Huh?”
“Tellmewhatyouwantmetodo,andI’llrespectyourwishes.”Atthatmoment,sheabsolutelymeant

it.

Rowan,herbottomlipquivering,lookeddownatherassortmentofbagsandshruggedwhile

Savannahheldherbreath.“Well,”shesaidatlast,hergazeflickeringuptomeetSavannah’s,“Iguessit
wouldbeashametoletthatdressgotowaste.”

ChapterThirteen

WhenSavannahopenedherdoorateighto’clocksharpthatevening,Mikehadaflashbacktotheold
cartoonsofhisyouthwhentheanimatedcharacterssawaprettygirl:eyesbulgingoutoftheirheads,
tongueswagging,bellsgoingoff.Shewasdrop-deadgorgeous,hertall,slimfigureencasedinpinkwhile
herblackhairspiraledoverhershouldersingloriousringlets,andtheonlythoughtthatwouldpulse
throughhisheadforagoodfivesecondswasLegs,legs,legs.

Ittookeveryounceofrestrainthehadnottoshoveherbackintheroom,pushherdownonthebed,

andgetthoselegsaroundhimagain.

“Hi,”shesaidbrightly,snappinghimoutofhisfantasiesforthemoment.Hewassuretherewouldbe

manymorefantasiestocome.Buthemanagedtoforcehislust-frozenfeaturesintoasmile.

“You’rebeautiful,”wasallthatwouldcomeout.
Hecouldpracticallywatchthepleasurebloominhercheeks;helovedthatabouther.“Thankyou.Not

sobadyourself,”shesaid,andyeah,ithadn’tescapedhimthatshe’dbeencheckinghimouttoo.Heliked
herhungrygazealloverhim;itfeltfuckinggood.He’doptedforallblackhimself:slacks,shirt,shoes.
“Wherearewegoing?”Shesteppedoutandletherdoorclosebehindher.

“Doyoulikeseafood?”
“Oh,yeah.”
“Ifigured,beingaNewOrleansgalandall.”Hewinkedatherandofferedhisarmforhertotake.

Shetookit,seemingdelighted,whichdelightedhiminturn.Anythingtoseethatgorgeoussmile.“There’s
SpindletopattheHyatt.Ithoughtyoumightlikeit.Itslowlyrevolvesandhasafantasticviewofthecity.
Soundgood?”

“Soundsincredible.”
Thistime,theydidn’tbumpintoanyofhisfans;itwasasmoothgetawaytohistruckwaitingoutside.

Heheldthedooropenforher,helpingherclimbinsidewhiletryingnottostaretoohardattheample
smooth,silkylegsheflashedonthejourney.Gentleman,motherfucker,beagentleman.Damn,itwas
hardsometimes.

“Didyoubuythatdresstoday?”heaskedafterboostinghimselfinonthedriver’sside.
“Yes,”shesaidalittleshyly,smoothingherhandsoverthefabriccoveringherthighs.“Ihopedyou

wouldlikeit.”

“Iloveit.Didyouhavefun?”
“Mm-hmm,”shesaidalittletoobrightly.“Itgotalittleweirdattheend.ItoldRowanIwasgoingout

withyoutonight.”

Mikeraisedhiseyebrowsinsurprise.“Really?Issheokaywithit?”
“Well...she’sokay.Iwouldn’tsayshe’shappyaboutit.Butitfeelsgoodtonotkeepitfromher.”

Sherubbedherpalmstogetherforasecond.“Ididn’tsayanythingaboutgoingwithyoulastnight,of
course.”

Hegaveheragrin.“Understandable.”Wow.Thelastthinghe’dexpectedwasforhertoconfessany

ofthistoherfamily,butitspoketohercharacterthatshewouldn’tkeepthingsfromthem.Reachingover,
hefoundherfingersontheseatandlinkedhisownthroughthem.“I’mgladyoutoldher.”

“Metoo.Itwasaweightoff.”

“ThelastthingIwouldwantistocauseproblemsbetweenyouandyourfamily,”hetoldher,feeling

theweightshehaddescribedsettlingonhisownshouldersatthethought.Theyhadallbeenthroughso
much;hecouldn’tstomachthethoughtofdrivingawedgebetweenthemwhentheyneededeachother.

“Iknowthat,Michael.Andactually...Ileftitinherhands.ItoldhertosaythewordandIwouldn’t

gotonight.Ithurt,butIdidit,andImeantit.Shedidn’tsaytheword,though.Iwassoglad.”

Givingherfingersasqueeze,henavigatedthroughtrafficandthoughtabouthowgladhewastoo.And

whatitmusthavecosthertomakethatoffer,ifshereallywantedtoseewherethisthingmightgo.

Hedamnsuredid.
“You’reawonderfulperson,”hetoldher.
Eveninthedimlightfromhisdashboard,hecouldseethetroubledlinebetweenherdelicate

eyebrowsasshelookedathim.“Ican’thelpthinking,”shesaid,“ifIwerereallysowonderful,I
wouldn’thaveneededtoaskher.”

Astoplightcaughtthem,andhewasgladforit.Puttingthetruckinpark,heturnedtofaceherfully,

holdingherhandwithbothofhis.“Savannah.Whatdoyouwant?NotRowan,notyourfamily,noteven
me.Thisweekend,thisnight,isforyou.Soyoutellmewhatyouwant,andI’lldoit,whateveritis,
whateverittakes.”

Shewetherlips,hereyessearchinghisface,asparkletherethathehopedwasn’tthebeginningof

tears.Evenifitwas,hedeservedthem,andhewouldfacethem,andwipethemawayanddohis
damnedesttopreventtheirreappearance.

“Iwanttobewithyou,”shesaid,voicesmallandtrembling.
“Thenbewithme.”
“Okay.”Shesmiledandahornblastsoundedbehindthem,buthedidn’tgiveafuck;heleanedinto

brushhislipsreassuringlyacrosshersbeforestraighteningandcontinuingon.

Yeah,somuchfornotcaringifhedroveawedgeintotheirfamily.Sendingherhometomorrowand

neverbotheringheragainwouldbethebestforallinvolved—shecouldworkonrepairingwhatever
damagethey’ddone,andhecouldfigureoutwhatthehellhisnextmovewasinlife.Yetwhenshewas
sittingbesidehim,sosoftandlovelyandperfect,herfingersthroughhis,hecouldn’timaginedoingthat.
Whatthefuckdidyoudowhenthe“rightthing”feltsocompletelywrong?

Theviewofthecitythroughtheglasswallsoftherevolvingrestaurantwasbreathtaking,theskyline
silhouettedagainsttheorangestainoftwilightasitfadedtodeepblueandfinallytoblack,thelights
twinklinglikestars.Savannah’smouthfellopenwhenMikerequestedabottleofCristal,butshepromptly
closeditagainsoasnottoseemutterlyuncool.She’dneverbeenonsuchanexpensivedatebefore.

“Youdon’thavetodothat,”shewhisperedathimaftertheserverleftthem.
“It’saspecialoccasion,”hesaid,holdingherstareandreachingacrossthetabletoputhishandover

hers.Shelikedthewayhersnearlydisappearedunderhisgentlyprotectivegrasp.

“What?”
“Ourfirstdate.”
“Oh,”shelaughed,thinkingaboutlastnight,andhowthey’dseemedtoputthecartbeforethehorseon

thatone.Andhelookedsodamnfinerightnow,cheekbonesshadowedfromaskippedshave,eyesadark
denimblueinthisgoldenambientlighting.Hisblackshirtwasperfectlyfittedandlooseatthecollar,
practicallyinvitingherhandstosnakearoundbehindhisneck.Shecouldseeonlythebarestedgeofthe
inkathisthroat,andacoupleoflinespeekingfromunderneaththeshirtcuffsathiswrists.Rightnow,no
onewouldeverlookathimandimaginehischosenprofessionwasbeatingthehelloutofotherpeople,

grapplingandstrikinghisopponentsintosubmission.

“Whatareyouthinkingabout?You’reoffsomewhere,”hesaid,thesoundofhisvoicecurlingwarmly

inherchest.Shesmiledandwishedshehadthatsipofchampagnenow.

“Howthingsworkout.”
“Crazy,isn’tit?”Heleanedbackasthebottlearrived,watchingasthewaiterpoured.Sheliked

watchinghim.Whatdrewhiseye,whatheldhisattention.Whatwashethinking?Helookedoffthrough
thewindows,andshetookthatmuchneededsipofherchampagne,closinghereyesasitwarmedthrough
her,asgoldenasthebottleinwhichitcame.Perfect.

“Thatisagorgeousview,”shesaid,followinghisgazeoutthewindow.“What’stheblueFerris

wheel?”

“TheDivingBellFerrisWheelattheAquarium.”
“Ihaven’tbeenononeofthosesinceIwasakid.”
Hiseyesshiftedbacktoher,asmilecrinklingthecorners.“It’saniceview,yeah.ButIpreferthis

one.”Happinesswelledinherchest.“Look,though,Iwantedtoshowyou:Seeoverthere?That’swhereI
live.Threedownfromthetoponthecorner;youcanevenseemylighton.”Savannahleanedforwardto
followhispointingarmandfoundthebuildingshethoughthewasindicating.

“Oh,wow,downtown.Youmusthaveagreatviewtoo.”
“It’sallright.”
Sheturnedbacktohim,hopingshewasn’tbeingtooforwardwhensheasked,“Willyoutakeme

there?”

Itdidn’tseemtofazehimabit.“Ofcourse.I’lltakeyouanywhereyouwant.”
Expectation,aswarmandeuphoricasthechampagne,slidfluidlythroughherblood,lightingupthe

placesonherbodywhereshestillfelthispossession.Betweenherlegs,thetipsofherbreasts.Hell,
everywhere—he’downedeverysingleinchofherthathe’dtouched.Knowingshecouldhaveanother
nightofthatecstasyseemedtosootheeveryworryshecarriedinherheart.Onemorenight.Yes.

Italsomadethechampagnetasteevenbetter,theviewsparkleevenmore.Herpaellawaswonderful:

lobster,mussels,andshrimpaddinguptoadecadentexperiencethathadherthinkingmaybetherewas
somethingtotheaphrodisiacaleffectsofseafood.Shehadalwayslovedgoodseafood,butithadnever
necessarilymadeherwanttofucksomuchasshedidrightnow.

Ofcourse,thatmighthavemostlytodowiththegorgeousmansittingacrossfromher.Hedranklittle

butseemedtoenjoywatchingherpartakeinglassafterglass.

“So.Amassagetherapist,huh?Howdidthatcomeabout?”heaskedfinally,andshealmostmeltedat

thewayhiseyesfollowedherforkallthewaytohermouth.Shegavehimalittleshow,envelopingit
slowlywithherlips,takinghertimepullingitoutandswallowingbeforeansweringhim.

“Itjustdid.Imean,hell,Ilovegettingmassages.IlovehowmuchbetterIfeelafterward.Iconsidered

medicineforawhile,andmyparentslovedthat,butIdecidedthatwasn’tforme.Helpingpeopleinsome
holisticwayalwaysappealedtome,though,soIwentintomassagetherapy.”Sheshrugged.“Istillgotto
learnanatomyandthemuscularsystemandwasstillabletohelppeople.Win-win,andwithoutseven
yearsofschool.”

“Andhowdidyourparentsfeelaboutthat?”
“Badly,atfirst,”shesaidasifthisshouldbeagiven,andhechuckled.“Butthenmymomhurther

backandIgotheronmytable.Shewaslike,‘Whatisthatyou’reusing?’andIsaid,‘Thosearemy
hands,Mom.’She’sbeenonboardwithiteversince.PracticallyadvertisesmetoallherandDad’s
friendsandbusinessassociates.I’vebeentherefouryearsnowandhaveareallygoodclientelebuiltup.”

Mikehadlaughedatthestoryabouthermother.“That’sgreat.Goodforyou.”

“Ithasitsmoments.Doyouhaveanyideawhatdatingislikewhenguysfindoutyou’reamassage

therapist?”Itoccurredtoherthatshewasvergingondrunkenrambling,butthatsoberpartofherbrain
heldnoswayhere.

“Ican’tsayIdo,andIcan’tsayIevenwanttoimagine.”
“Youdon’t.”
“Allowmetoapologizeonbehalfofmygender,then.”
“Youdon’thaveto,”shesaid,shakingherhead.“Mostofthemdon’tdeserveit.Honestly.Andthank

youfornotcallingmeamasseuse.Youareagoodman.”Sheliftedherglasstohimandthendrainedit
whilehegrinned.Andmaybeitwasthechampagne,butasillyideafizzedinherheart,andshecouldn’t
resistaskinghim,“Yousaidyou’lltakemewhereverIwant...sowillyoutakemeonthatFerriswheel,
Mike?”Itjustlookedtooprettyoutthere,andtooblue—shehadtoseeitupclose,hadtoseetheview
fromthetopofitwithhimatherside.

Ifsheexpectedhimtohuffupinmachoindignation,hedidn’t.“Isomehowhadthefeelingthatwas

coming,”helaughed.

Astheyleft,sheleanedheavilyonhimsoasnottowobbleunsteadilyonthelowheelsRowanhad

insistedshebuy.Heelsweren’tSavannah’sthing;atfive-ten,shefeltgiganticenoughmostdays.Butthe
dress,Rowanhadsaid,demandedheels.

Theelevatortheysteppedintowasglass,affordingthesamespectacularcityviewasthatinthe

restaurant.Justthetwoofthem.Assoonasthedoorsweptshut,Savannahfoundherselfpushedagainst
theglasswallwithMike’shandscuppingherfaceandhismouthonhers,hotanddemanding,histongue
slidingsinuouslypastherlips.Flavorsmingling.Delicious.Droppingherclutch,sheslidbotharms
aroundhisneckthewayshe’dwantedallnightastheelevatorbeganitsdizzyingdrop.Godhelpher,she
wasfallingwithit,theonlythingholdinghersteadyhishardbodyagainsthersastheyplungedtowardthe
groundwithallthedazzlinglightsofdowntownHoustonwhizzingpast.

“Beenneedingtodothatallnight,”hewhisperedinherear,somehowaddingtothevertigoassailing

herfromthechampagneandthefallandthefoodandhim.

“Beenneedingyouto,”shesaid,shivering.Floorafterfloorafterfloorwhooshedpast.Hishands

foundherass,pullingherhardtohimsoshecouldfeelhowhardhewas.Hetastedsogood,spiceand
Cristalandahintofsweetnessfromdessert;shecouldriphisshirtopenacrosshisbroadchestandeat
himaliverighthere,andifthiselevatordidn’tstopsoonsotheycouldgettohisplace,shewasgoingto
tryit.Shefeltlight-headedandweak,consumed,feelingeverythrustofhistonguelikeitwasathrustinto
herachingpussy.

“Michael,”shewhimperedagainsthim.Hepulledback,histhumbsstrokinghercheeks.
“Whatisit,darlin’?”God,thewayhecalledherthat...
Scared.Confused.Wantyousomuch.Neverfeltthisway.Amillionresponsestohisconcernswirled

inheraddledbrain,butshecouldn’tsettleonone.Andtheelevatorwasslowing,havingmiraculously
reacheditsdestinationwithoutasinglestoponthewaydown.Savannahshookherhead,tryingtoclearit.
“Nothing.I’mokay.”

Helookedatherforalongmoment,thenknelttoretrievetheclutchshe’ddroppedtothefloor.Thank

God,becauseafterthatsession,shewouldhavewalkedoutandforgottenit.“Areyousure?”

Nodding,shetookherpurseandthearmheofferedandlethimsteadyherforthewalktohistruck.

ThelobbyoftheHyattRegencywasbustlingwitheveningactivity,couplesontheirwayoutorcoming
backin,andasSavannahnoticedthesurreptitiousglancesthewomenkeptsendingMikeatherside,a
senseofpridebloomedinherchest.Mine,shethought.Hecouldbemine.Itdoesn’thavetoend
tomorrow.Wecouldseewherethisgoes.Couldn’twe?Maybe?

Far,fartoosoontoeventhinkofthat.Itwouldbelifechanging.Butsodelicioustoconsider,tofind

someonewhowassuchatotalpackagethatshewasevenwillingtoconsiderit.

ChapterFourteen

“Youknow,I’velivedhereallmylifeandI’veneverbeenhere,”Mikeremarkedastheyenteredthe
DowntownAquarium,andSavannahfeltgiddyasakidatthesightoftheaquariumexhibits...toogiddy
eventomindthatshewaswayoverdressedforafamilyattractionandamusementpark.

“Really?Iwouldbehereallthetime.”
“Idon’tdoubtthat,”heremarked,takingherhandwithwhatseemedtobeagenuinesmileonhisface.

Savannahgrinnedathimandmarveledattheexhibits,laughingwhentheyreachedtheonecalledthe
LouisianaSwamp,repletewithalligators,turtles,andaroofmadeofleaves.Therewasevena
ramshacklelittlecabinsetamidthewoodsybackdrop.“Hey,I’mhome.”

Mikeburstoutlaughing.“You’recrazy.”
“What?Youdon’tthinkIwrestlealligatorsinmysparetime?”
“Ithinkyoucouldwrestleanythingyoudamnwellplease.”
“I’llwrestleyou,”shemurmuredintohisear,earningherselfanicegrowlthatsentashiverallthe

waytohertoes.

“Hey,now.Thisisafamilyestablishment.Therearekidsaround.”
Shepoutedandhedroppedachastekissonthetopofherhead.Theystrolledalong,gazingatthe

variousseacreatures.“Doyouwantkidssomeday?”sheaskedhim,knowingitwasprobablyaloaded
questionforadudebutstillrunningonalittlebitofthatliquidcourage.

“Someday,maybe,”hesaideasily.“Ilikekids.I’vedonesomementoringatthegym.IfIcanhelpone

ofthemthewaymycoachhelpedme,it’sawesome.Hedidn’tjustteachmehowtofight,youknow,but
hownotto.Well...hetried,anyway,”headded,chuckling.

“Oh,wow,Ibetyou’regreatatthat,”shesaid.“Ican’twaittobe,like,thecoolestauntever.I

definitelywantkidsofmyownsomeday.”Thereweresomanyaroundrightnow,squealingoverthefish
andvariousaquaticlife,itwashardnottogetcaughtupintheirinfectiousenthusiasm.

Mikeputanarmaroundhershoulders,hisfingerswarmonherbareskin.Sheslidhersaroundhis

waist.Theyfittogethersoperfectly.Outside,theamusementparkhadcarnival-themedgamesandrides—
nottheleastofwhichwasthetoweringFerriswheelthey’dobservedfromtherestaurant.Shecouldn’t
waittogeton.Therewasalsoadroptowerrideandamerry-go-round...butshefiguredsheshouldn’t
pressherluck.Mikewonherateddybearatoneofthegames;SavannahpromptlynamedhimOscar.

“WhyOscar?”
“Idon’tknow.It’sathing.InameeverythingOscar.Dogs,cats,fish.IfitgetsconfusingthenIjustadd

asuffix.HecanbeOscartheNinth.Fearmyoriginality,Mike.”

“Oh,Ido.Yougonnadothesamethingwithyourkids?”
“Maybe,”shesaidwithmockdefensiveness,huggingOscartoherchest.“Eventhegirls.”
“LikeGeorgeForeman.”Chuckling,Mikepulledhercloserastheywaitedinlineforanemptycaron

theFerriswheel.Shegazedupatit,feelingsolightandcarefree.Itwasagoodfeeling.Shecouldn’twait
tobeuptherewiththewindinherhairwiththecityscapeallaroundthem.

Andthenitwastheirturn,andtheyslippedintothedanglingcircularcarandsnuggledtogetherasit

tookthemhigherandhigherintothesky.Abusyfreewaywastheirviewononeside,butontheotherwas
theAquariumwithitspalmtrees,andevenfarther,apanoramaofthecity.Shewasabletowatchtheblue

andwhite–stripedskydropasitroseslowlyandreleaseditsridersforaquickdescentthathadthekids
squealingindelight.

Atthetopofthewheel,Mikekissedher.She’dbeensohopinghewould,andshe’dbeenhopingit

wouldbeexactlyasitwas:gentle,thorough,sensualenoughtomakeherlegstremblewithneed.Oscar,
stuckbetweentheirbodies,nearlyhadthestuffingsqueezedoutofhim.

“Oh,no!Aw,Oscar!”shecriedoncesherealized,snatchinghimupandcomicallyinspectinghimfor

injury.

“Isheokay?”Mikeasked.“DoIneedtoreturnhim?Jesus,whatkindofamotherareyou?”
“Iknow,right?MaybeIshouldn’thavekidsafterall.Sorry,Oscar.”
Hegrinnedandpulledherbacktoheroriginalposition,cuddlingagainsthisside,Oscarhuggedtoher

asthegroundslowlyrosetomeetthemagain.“Ithinkyou’llbeallright,Savannah.”

Smiling,sheturnedherfaceintohissolidchest,thinkingthatifshecouldsleeprighthere,justlike

this,allnight,thatwouldbefinewithher.“Ithinkyou’reright.”

Hisloftwasasbreathtakingaseverythingelseabouthim,asprawlingexpanseofbrick,hardwoodfloors,
exposedductwork,andthefantasticviewshehadexpectedthroughthefloor-to-ceilingwindows.Likehis
beachhouse,thecontemporarydecorwasminimalbuteffective,afewlargeartpiecesandrugswith
steel-grayfurnitureandblueaccents,andshehadtogrinattheframedBruceLeeEntertheDragon
postersonhislivingroomwall.Ametalspiralstaircasewentuptoasecondlevel,wherehetoldher
he’dsetupasmallhomegym.Theentirethingwassimplymouthwateringlymasculine,theverydefinition
ofabachelorpad,butitfithimperfectly.

“Wow.Whenyousay‘apartment,’youdon’tmeanwhatImeanwhenIsay‘apartment.’”
Chuckling,hemovedtowardthekitchen,hanginghiskeysonahookalongthewaytothestainless

steelrefrigerator.ShesituatedOscartheNinthonthebarnexttoherclutch.“Needanything?Adrink?I’m
morewellstockedherethanatthebeach,promise.”

“Nothanks,I’mfine.”Shewalkedovertothebankofwindows,gazingupattheskyscrapersand

high-risesbeyond.“Howlonghaveyoulivedhere?”

“Aboutfiveyears.”
“Um,doyoumindmeaskinghowoldyouare?Ihonestlydon’tknow.”Anotherdetailshecouldn’t

rememberfromhisstats.

“Thirty-two.”
Fiveyearsolderthanher.Tommyhadbeentwenty-nineandalreadyjokingaboutgettingold.He’d

figuredhehadagoodfivetosevenyearsleftbeforehebegantodecline,andatthatpoint,he’dinsisted,
hewouldbowout.Withthatkindofdeadlinelooming,he’dpushedhimselfhard.EvenifMikedidn’t
wanttoretirejustyet,shewonderedifhewasgoingtobemuchlongerfortheMMAworld.Shecouldn’t
imaginehimwantingtotakemuchmorepunishment.

Thenagain,fromallsheknew,themanwasamachine,andsomeofthefighterskeptgoingwellinto

theirfortiesandbeyond.

Hestrolledcasuallyovertojoinher,bringingaheavyglasswithascantamountofdarkamberliquid

init.Therewassuchapredatoryelementinthewayhelookedatherasheapproachedthatherpanties
threatenedtocombust.Shelethergazeslidedownhisbodyandknewpreciselyatthatmomentwhatshe
wantedtodotohim.Somethingshe’dnevergottenaroundtolastnight.

“Willyoudosomethingforme?”sheasked,lettinganimpishsmilecurveherlips.
Withouttakinghiseyesfromhersforasecond,hethrewbackwhatwasinhisglass.Savannah

watchedhisthroatmusclesworkasheswallowed,lickingherlipsinanticipation.“Anything,”hesaid
gruffly,theburnoftheliquorevidentinhisvoice.Unabletoresistgettingatasteforherself,shestoodon
tiptoeandpulledhisheaddowntosampletheflavorandheadyscentthatwentstraighttoherheadandlit
upallherpleasurecenters.

“Sitonthesofa,”shemurmuredagainsthislips.Hedidso,onlyreluctantlyleavingherkisstoskirt

aroundthepieceoffurnitureandsettleontoit,puttinghisemptyglassontheglassendtableathiselbow.
Savannahfollowedhim,kickinghercursedshoesoffbeforeplacingherhandsonbothhiskneesand
easingherselfdowntoherown.Luckilytherugbeneathherwassoft;shehopedtobehereforawhile.
Mikenevertookhiseyesfromher,nevermoved,buthisbreathingquickened,hisgazedarkened.The
outlineofhiscockwasalreadyevidentinhispantsandherhandsitchedtogotoit,butshecontented
herselfwithrunninghernailsuphisthighsandbacktohisknees,delightinginhisheat,hisinvoluntary
responses,hisfirmmusclespressingagainstthefabric.

Shewasonlyinterestedinoneparticularpartofhimatthemoment,though,edgingeverclosertoit

withherfingertipsandthenskatingthemawayuntilhewasalmostpanting.Finally,shehadmercyandlet
herhandsgotohiszipper,gentlyworkingtofreehimwithouttakinghispantsdown.Shewantedhimthis
way,allinblack,darkanddangerousbutathermercywhileshesuckedhimoffwiththecitylights
twinklingbehindhim.

Hegroanedwhenshefinallypulledhimfromhispants,sprawlinghislegswiderandstretchinghis

armsacrossthebackofthecouch.Shehadtoadmit,sincelosinghervirginitytoherhigh-school
boyfriendonhereighteenthbirthday,shehadn’tseentoomanycocksshe’dactuallylookedforwardto
puttinginhermouth.Herenthusiasmforblowjobswithpastloveshadbeenlukewarmatbest,butshe’d
stillbeengenerouswiththeactaslongasherloverreciprocated.

ButMichael’sdickwasgorgeousandshewantedtogodownonitlikeitwasambrosia.Long.Thick.

Strong.God,whateverelsewasgoingoninherlife,atthismomentshewasaluckygirl.Themeresight
ofitmadeherache,madeherwet,madeheryearntocrawloverhimandridehimtoecstasy,butno,this
momentwasforhimalone.Hewouldbeachallenge,butshewasupforit.

Leaningover,shetracedtheridgeofhiscoronawithhertongue,glancingupintimetoseehishead

fallback,hischestheaveatthefirsttouchofherlips.Sheleftnoinchofhimunexplored,licking,kissing,
sucking,andwhenthetimecametoanglehimtowardhermouthandpullhimasdeepasshecould,his
handsflewtoherhead.Notpulling,notpushing,justthere,clenchingherwindblownhairashishead
cameupandhewatchedhimselfdisappearbetweenherlips.“Fuck.Fuck.Savannah.”

Hemadeherfallinlovewithherownnamewhenhesaiditlikethat.
Shescrapedhernailsdownhischest,wishingnowthathisshirtwasopenbutstillabletodelightin

thetensemusclesbeneath.Watchinghimcomeundonewasathingofpuremasculinebeauty,andshe
couldn’tgetenoughofthesight.God,hewashard,andgettingharder,andmoredifficulttotakedeep,but
shedidit,andlovedeverysecondofhisresponses:thegroansandwrithingmovementsandpleasure
curses.Wrappingthebaseofhiminherfist,whereherfingersdidn’tmeet,sherelaxedherjawandtook
himuntilhistiphitthebackofherthroat.Itsurprisedherwhenhisfingerscameupgentlyunderherchin,
liftingheroffhim.

“I’mgonnacome,”hesaidbreathlessly.
“Thencome,”sheurged.“Comeforme,Michael,please.”
“Goddamn,”hegroaned,releasinghertogobacktohertask.Andshecouldn’twaittowatchhim

unravel,didn’ttakehereyesoffhimasingletimeashisbreathcaughtandhishipswrenchedoffthe
couch,hishandsomefacecontortedintheanguishofpleasureashistastefloodedhermouth.Shetook
everydrop,stayingwithhimuntilhisgriponherhairsoftenedandhebegantorelaxallatonce,sinking

intothecushionsandbreathingasifhe’drunamarathon.Beneathherhands,hisragingheartbeatbeganto
slow.

“JesusChrist,”hesaidatlast,bringingagigglefromher.Shegavehisinnerthighalittlenibbleand

thenlaidherheadagainsthisknee,gazingupathim.“Incredible.Fuckingincredible.”

“I’mgladyoulikedit,”sheteased.
“Likeddoesn’tbegintocoverit.Nearlyblackedout.”Yeah,sheknewallaboutthat;he’ddonethe

sametoherjustlastnight.Liftinghishead,hefrowneddownatherandthenreachedforherelbow.
“Comeuphere,beautiful.Youcan’tbecomfortabledownthereonyourknees.”

Forhim,shethoughttroublingly,shecouldprobablybecomfortableanywhere.Butcurlingupnextto

himonthecouchinthedimsilenceofhishomewasprettycomfortabletoo,withhisfingertipstracing
lazypatternsupanddownherbarearm.Shecouldimaginespendingeverynightthisway.

AndthoughtslikethatwerethereasonsheneededtogetherassbacktoNewOrleansandstaythere,

nomatterhowmuchitwouldhurttodoso.Sighing,sheturnedherfaceintohischest,tryingtoescape
fromhavinganythoughtsatall.Allofthemwoundedherinsomewayoranother.Allofthem.

Buthesoothedherwithouteventrying.Everythingabouthimwasabalmtohersoul,fromthefeelof

himnexttohertotheslowriseandfallofhisbreathing.Thesteadybeatofhisheart,thewayhetookcare
ofher.Itwassosoon,toodamnsoontofeelthisway.Yetshefeltitnevertheless.

“So...,”shebegantentatively,“Igohometomorrow.”
“Tryingnottothinkaboutthat,”hemurmured,soundingmorethanalittledrowsy.“Whattimeisyour

flightagain?Closetotwo,isn’tit?Ican’tquiteremember.”

“Yeah.Two-thirty-ish.”
“Gladit’snotearly.Iwasthinkingaheadanddidn’tevenknowit.”
“I’msorryyouhaven’tgottenyourmoney’sworthformyhotelstay,”sheteased.“I’vebarelybeenin

theroomatall.”

“That’stheleastofmyworries,darlin’.”
Ifshehadn’thadtwo-thirdsofabottleofCristaltonight,sheprobablycouldn’thaveworkedupthe

couragetoaskhernextquestion,nomatterhowimportantitwas.“Wheredowegofromhere?”

Allatonceitseemedtoopresumptuous;maybehehadnointentionsofseeinghereveragainandshe

wasputtinghiminanuncomfortablespot.Maybehisflingwiththeblondefromtheconcertwouldswitch
backtoonafterSavannahwassafeinNewOrleans.Butifeitherofthosewerethecase,sheneededto
knownow.

“Idon’tknow,”hesaidafteralongsilenceshecouldbarelyforceherselftobreathethrough.“Iknow

whatIwant,andIknowwhatIkeeptellingmyselfistherightthingtodo.”

“Let’sstartwithwhatyouwant.”
“Iwanttokeepseeingyou.IwanttoseeyouasoftenasIcan,anywayIcan.Idon’tcareifyoucome

tomeorIgotoyou.”

Shecouldn’tdenythewarmglowthatspreadinherbellyathiswords.“Andwhat’sright?”
Hesighed,pickingupherhandandslidinghisfingersbetweenhers.“Lettingyougo.Lettingyouheal

andgetonwithyourlife,notcomplicatingthingsforyou,notcausinganystrifebetweenyouandyour
familybecauseyouneedeachotherrightnowmorethanyouneedme.”Heliftedhisheadalittlesohe
couldseeherface.“Whataboutyou?”

“Icouldn’thavesaiditbetter,”sheadmitted.“Exceptthat...I’mfindingmyselfneedingyoutoo.”
Mikescoffedatthat.“Youdon’tneedme.Soundstomelikeyouhaveyourshitthoroughlytogether.”
“Michael,whatifpartofmyhealingisyou?”
“ThenI’mhere,darlin’,andIdon’tplanongoinganywhere.Wecangiveittime,”hesuggestedasshe

playedabsentlywithoneofthebuttonsonhisshirt.“Noreasontodoanythingrash.”

“That’sjustthething,”shesaid,nowunfasteningthebuttonandslidingherhandthroughthegapshe

createdtofeelhisskin,warmandfirmbeneathherstrokingfingers.“Partofmewantstoberational.But
mostofmewantstoberash.”

Oh,Jesus.Thehuskyneedinhervoicewhenshesaidthat...therewasnothingtodobutkissher.She
meltedagainsthimlikehismouthonherswasarelief,theanswertoeverything,toalltheirproblems.If
only.

Hecouldfallforthisgirl.Sohard.Soeasily.Hell,hewasfoolinghimselftothinkhehadn’talready

begunthatparticulardescent.LikesittingontheFerriswheelwithhertonight,theyweregettinghigher
andhigher,andtheonlywaytogofromherewasdownadizzyingdrop.

Herflavorwenttohishead,sweetandseductive;hishandsliduphersmooththighassheshiftedher

weightuntilshewasstraddlinghim.Mikeurgedheruponherkneessohecouldpushbothhandsunder
herdress,raisingittoherwaistsothatherlace-coveredmoundwasinchesfromhisface,hislips.
Savannah’sbreathcaughtonalittlemoanashepressedkissesabovethewaistlineofherblackpanties.
Here,shesmelledlikeheaven,purefemininearousalminglingwithsweetfloralnotes.

“Didyougetthesetoday,too?”heasked,givingherpantiesatugwithhisteeth.
“Yes,”shewhispered.
“Allforme?”
“Allforyou.”
Withagroan,heburiedhisfacebetweenherlegs,breathingherin,hookinghisfingersintotheblack

lacetopullitdown,togetthetasteofheronhistonguetogowiththescentofherswirlinginhishead.
Herhandscamedownhardonthebackofhiscouch,oneithersideofhishead,ashegaveheronelong
lickbetweenherfolds.Sowet,sodelectable.Herthighstrembledathissides.Glancingupherbody,he
sawhermouthopen,hereyesclosed,lashesflutteringagainstherpalecheeks.Whenshelookeddown
andmethisstare,citylightscaughtinhereyes,hisrealityreflectedthere.Sexiestfuckingthinghe’dever
seen.Funnyhowoftenhethoughtthatwhenhewaswithher.

Intheirposition,hecouldonlygetherpantiespartwaydownherthighs,buthelikedthedegreeof

difficulty,likedthewayshearchedsexilytohelphimreachher.Hekissed,licked,delved,evenmanaged
togethishandbetweenherlegsandslipafingerinside,thenanother,whereshewassofuckinghotand
wetandtight.Despitecominglikeafreighttrainearlier,hewasthrobbingtogetinside,butcontented
himselfwithmassaginghersweetswollenclitwithhistongue,slowlythrustinghisfingers.

“Michael,”shesobbed,grindingagainsthim,clenchingatthecushionsbeforelettingherhandsgoto

hishead.

“That’sit,baby,”hemurmuredagainsther,drinkingherlikethefinewineshewas.“Letmetasteyou

come.”

“Oh,God!”Thecryechoedthroughhisloft,andhewouldrememberituntilhisdyingday.Herpussy

pulsederraticallyaroundhisfingersasherclimaxsweptheraway,asshegaspedandsobbedoverhim,
herkneesgivingsothathehadtoholdherupwithhisfreehandatherback.Whenshewasslackanddone
andshiveringinhisarms,hestoodwithherstillwrappedaroundhimandwalkedbacktohisbed.Helaid
hergentlydownandstrippedoffhisclothes,feelingherwearygazeonhiseverymovement.Thenhe
movedtoher,pullingherpantiestherestofthewayoff,rollingherovertounzipherdressandslideit
downherbody.Inthelightcomingthroughthewindow,herskinpracticallyglowed.Herbrawasthelast
togo,flungcarelesslyasidesothatshewasgloriouslynaked.

Bythenshewasreachingforhim,wordlessandbewitching,andheslippedonacondomfromhis

nightstandbeforecrawlingoverherbody,leavingatrailofkissesupherbellyandoverherbreasts.The
finesheenofsweatonherskinlentasaltinesstoherinherentsweetness.Howcouldheeverthinkhe
couldlethergobacktoNewOrleansforgood,nevertasteheragain,neverabsorbthedelectable
vibrationsofherbodyagain?Twonightswithher,andhewashersinawayhehadneverbeenanyone
else’s.

Theygroanedintoeachother’smouthsashepushedintoher,hergriponhisdickalmostmorethanhe

couldstandbutnothinghecouldescapefrom.Shewriggledherlegswiderforhim,andhecaughtone
overeachofhisarmswhileshegaspedatthenewdepthshereachedinher.“Areyouokay?”

“Morethan,”shemurmuredback,lacingherfingersbehindhisneckashebegantomoveintoher,his

nerveendingsonfire.

Heattackedherneckwithkisses.“Can’tgetenoughofyou.Never.Neverwill.”Shemadenoreply

saveforawhimper,meetinghiminthesteady,rollingrhythmheset.Slow,tobuildtheache.“Iwantyou
begging,Savannah.Fuckingbeggingmetocome.Ifittakesallnight,I’vegotit.Ifyouhavetomissyour
flight,Idon’tcare.Evenifithastobethelasttime,Idon’twantyoutoeverforget.”

“No,”shesaidurgently,staringhimintheeyeswithheartbreakingdesperation,“notthelasttime.It

won’tbe.”

Shesaidthatnow,andhehopedtoGodshemeantit.“Okay,”hemurmured,catchingherlipsinakiss.

“Itwon’tbe.”

“Promiseme.”
“Ipromise.”
Onlythendidsherelax,goingmoltenaroundhim.Heslantedhismouthoverhers,kissingherwithall

thehungershemadehimfeel,bodyandsoul,drinkinghercries,drivingherformilesacrosshisbed.As
soonasherbodycluedhimintoherimpendingclimax,hepulledoutamidheralmostviolentproteststo
teaseher,sootheherbackdowntobaselinewithkissesandcaresses.

“Ihateyou,”shegiggled.
“Stillhaven’tfoundthatlastheart,”heremindedher,nibblingatherhipbone.
“No!”Laughing,shetwistedawayfromhimandrolledoutofhisreach.Hefollowed,crawlingonall

foursacrossthebeduntilhehadherpinnedbeneathhimagain,immobilewithherwristsboundinhisfists
andpressedtothemattress.Shetestedhisgripand,seeminglysatisfiedthatshecouldn’tbreakit,softened
beneathhim.“What,Ican’tplayanymore?”heasked.

“Youlost,”sheinformedhimsmartly.
“Ididn’trealizelastnightwasmyonlychance,orImighthavetriedharder.”
“Toobadyoudidn’taskfortherulesbeforeyouplayedthegame.”
“Ohyeah?”hegrowled,kneeingherthighsfartherapart.“Iseemtorecallyouhavesomebeggingto

do.”

“Never.”Butherexpressionsmoothedoutinpleasureasheslidtheundersideofhiscockoverher

clitandthendeepintoherpussy,hereyesnearlyclosing.Hedroppedhisheadtokisshernipples,one
andthentheother.“Oh,God.Mike.”

“Iknow,”herasped.“Fuck,Iknow.”Shesheathedhimlikeshewasmadeforhim,andifhewasn’t

careful,hewouldbetheonebegging.“Let’srunaway.”Hedraggedhismouthinacirclearoundher
areola.“Findadesertedtropicalisland.Wewon’thavetoexplainourselvestoanyone;noonewillever
findus.I’llbuildusshelter,youcanweargrassskirtsandsanddollars.I’lldrinkrainwaterfromyour
bellybutton.”Todemonstrate,hemoveddownandcircledthelittledipofhernavelwithhistongue,his
cockslippingfromherbodyashedidso.“I’lleatmangoslicesfrombetweenyourlegs.”

“Jesus,”shegroanedasherainedkissesdownherstomachandtoherclit.“You’resellingmeonthis

idea.”

“That’smyintention.”Slippinghisforearmsunderherhips,helacedhishandsoverherstomachand

heldhercaptivetohismouth,determinedtonotlosethisparticulargame.Shewouldbeghimifhehadto
stayhereallnight.

Herhandswenttohishead,clenchingatwhathairshecouldgrip.Hewouldgrowitoutifonlyforthe

promiseoffeelingherpullitinecstasy.Withlipsandtongueandteeth,heworshipedher,feastedonher,
devouredher.Shewrithedagainsthishold;hedidn’tlethergetaway.Whenherlegstightenedaroundhis
headandherstomachmusclespulledtautunderhishands,hestopped,takinghisministrationstothesoft
fleshofherinnerthighs.“Michael!”

“Begme,”heremindedher.
“Nooooo,”shegroaned.
“Allright,”hesaidwithaffablenonchalance,andcontinuedenjoyingthesilkytextureofherskin

againsthislips.Savannahsquirmed,breathingheavilyandwhimpering.Testingher,hereturnedtoher
feveredcenterandlickedthebaresttipofherclit.Shejerkedsohard,shenearlybrokehisholdonher.
“Notready,”hesaidsadly.

“What?”shesobbed.
“I’llcomebackwhenIcantouchyouwithoutyouflyingapart.”
“Fuck!Makemecome,please,please,please,Michael,I’mbegging,okay,I’mfuckingbegging—”
Nowayonthisplanetwashegoingtowastethechancetofeelhersqueezethelifeoutofhimwhen

thisorgasmrenther.Surgingupherbody,heplungedballsdeepintoher,herhandsgoingtohisassand
herlegswrappingaroundhimasshetookeveryinchofhim.Hefuckedherhardandsteady,grinding
againstherclit,nearlylosinghisgodforsakenmindwhenshefinallyfellovertheedge,rhythmic
contractionssuckinggreedilyathim.Herfingernailsrakedacrosshisback,tearingathim,herlovely
bodysurgingunderneathhim.Hisownreleaserippedloosefromthebaseofhisspineandpunched
throughintohertothemusicalsoundofhisnamefromherlips,overandoverlikeasong.

Thensilenceexceptfortheirsoftlypantingbreath.Hekissedhertokeepfromsayingsomethingthat

wouldsealhisfate.

ChapterFifteen

“Ilostanearring,”shesaidcuriously,lightlypinchingthebarelobebetweenherfingers.Michael,whose
headwaspillowedonhernakedstomach,glancedupather.

“Doyouneedtogetupandlookforit?”
God,ithadbeenthebetterpartofanhour,butshestillcouldn’tcontemplatemoving,atleastnotfora

cheappairofearrings.“I’msureit’shereinthebedsomewhere.”Shechuckled.“That’swhenyouknow
thesexwasgood.Youfuckedmeoutofmyearrings.”

Mikeblewapuffofaironhisknucklesandbuffedthemonhischest,wearingwhatwasprobablythe

cockiestgrinshe’deverseen.Savannahpokedhimlightlyonthetopofthehead.“Heynow.Don’t
congratulateyourselftoomuch.”

“Whynot?Youjustdid.”
“Allright,pointtaken.”Sighingdrowsily,shestaredupattheshadowedceiling.Herbodyfeltasifit

werefilledwithlight,floating.Sogood.Wheneverytimewithhimwasbetterthanthelast,shealmost
dreadedthenexttime...itmightverywellkillher.

Tomorrowwasgoingtobesohard.
Today,rather,sinceitwassurelyaftermidnight.“Ishouldprobablycheckmyphone,”shetoldhim.

“I’msureRowan’sgoingapeshitbynow.”

Heplantedakissonherbellyandrolledoffher,gettingtohisfeetwhilesheadmiredtheview.Broad

shouldersripplingdowntoaV-shapedtorso,andthatass.

AfterpullingaT-shirtandapairofgymshortsfromthetopdrawerofhisdresser,hetossedtheshirt

toherandpulledtheshortson,obstructingherbelovedview.Theredgrimreaperinkedonhischest
gloweredatherasheturnedandheadedforthebathroom.Thattattoogaveheralittleshiverofunease,
butaslongasshehadtherestofhimtodistracther,itwasallgood.

Thefloorwascoolagainstherbarefeetasshemadeherwaytoherclutchonthebar,wearingtheT-

shirtthatswallowedher.She’dsilencedherphonebeforedinner,andsureenough,shehadalmostadozen
textbubblesfromRowan.

Areyoubackyet?
Hellooooo...
You’reworryingme.
OkIjustbangedonyourdoor.YouARENOTbackyet.Callme!
SAVANNAH
It’spastmidnight!
It’snowafterone.
SAVANNAAAAHHHHHH
Whatareyoudoing?!?!!!!
I’mcallingyourmother!!!!!!

Thelastonehadbeensenttwentyminutesago.“You.Are.NOT,”Savannahsaidoutloud,gaining

Mike’sattentionfromwherehestoodnearthefridge,swathedinthelightglowingfromtheopendoor.

“What?”
“Nothing,”shesighed,tappingaquickmessageback:I’MFINE.Quitit.Ifyoucall

mymother,I’LLKILLYOU.

Andshethrewitbackintoherclutch,vowingnottocheckitagain

tonight.

“Issheokay?”
“She’sbeingRowan.Goingapeshit,likeIsaid.”
“HaveIkeptyououtpastyourcurfew?”Hegrinnedatherandtookaswigfromthebottlehe’dpulled

fromtherefrigerator.Thewayhisbodywascasthalfinlightandhalfinshadow,shecouldseeevery
indentationofhiscutmuscles.

“WhoknewIhadone?Isuredidn’t.”Shewentintothekitchenandleanedoverthegranite-topped

island,proppingherchininonehand.

“Areyouthirstyorhungry?”Mikeasked,rubbingthebackofhisheadwithonehandasheinspected

thedepthsofhisrefrigerator,thosebicepspopping.Savannahwantedtograbherphoneagainandsnapa
picturesoshecouldhavesomethingtokeepherwarmatnightaftershewenthome.

They’dworkedoffmosteverythingshe’deatenanddrunkatdinner.“Icoulddefinitelydowitha

snack.”

Heshutthedoorandpulledopenthefreezerdrawer.“I’mthinkingicecream.”
AndsoshefoundherselfsittingonMikeLarson’skitchenflooratalmosttwointhemorning,eachof

themwithaspoon,attackingacartonofbutterpecantogetherandlaughingliketeenagers.Whenhe
“accidentally”dribbledsomeonherthigh,heleaneddowntolickitoffasitmeltedinacoldpalerivulet
headingtotheinsideofherleg.“Mike,”shegroaned,herheadfallingback.“Idon’tknowifIcantake
anymore.”

Thepuppy-dogeyeshegaveherthroughthefringeofhislashessqueezedherheart.“EvenifIpromise

tobegood?”

“You’realwaysgood.”
“I’llbeextragood.”Hebroughthismouthtohersandshedevouredthesweetnessoftheicecreamon

histongueinaslow,thoroughkissthatmadeherbodythinkyes,indeed,shecouldtakemore.Andshe
did,rightthereonhiskitchenflooragainstthecold,hardtiles.Hewassogentleandcareful,obviously
takingintoaccounttheirearlierexertions,andherreleaserippedanotherlittlepieceofherawayforhis
safekeepingasshesobbedhisname.

Afterward,astheycomposedthemselvesandsettledacrossfromeachotheronthefloortomore

thoroughlyenjoytheirmiddle-of-the-nightsnack,shefoundherselfthinkingaboutthehorribledaywhen
she’dfirstmethim.Howshockedshe’dbeentoseehimatthecemeteryandhowutterlydifferenthe’d
beenfromeverythingshehadseenuntilthatpoint.Ifsomeonehadtoldherthenthatshewouldbehere
withhimlikethistonight,sheprobablywould’veseveredalltieswiththatpersonbecausetheywere
obviouslydelusional.Watchinghimslowlypullhisspoonfrombetweenhislipswithobviouspleasure,
shesmiledandleanedherheadbackagainstthebankofkitchendrawersbehindher.Hesatoppositeher
againsttheisland,hislegsstretchedoutbesidehers.Liftingonefoot,shetickledhissidewithhertoes.

“Didyoueverimagineushere?”sheaskedhim.“Inyourwildestdreams?”
“Inmywildestones?”Hegrinned,showingoffperfectlaughlines.“Maybe.”
“Doyoubelieveinomens?”
Heconsideredherforamoment,hiseyesgentle.“Notreally.Whydoyouask?”
Shrugging,sheturnedherattentionbacktodigginganotherscrumptiousbitefromthecarton.“It’s

silly.”

“Tellme.Maybeyoucanconvertahardenedcynic.”
“Tommyhadathingforeagles.Youmighthavenoticedthetattooonhisback.”
“Hadmyfacesmashedagainstitacoupleoftimes.Incrediblepieceofworkhehad.”

“I’veneverseenarealonebefore,youknow?Well,maybeatazooorsomethingwhenIwasakid.

ButIsawonecirclingabovehisservicethatday.Allbyitselfagainstthebluesky,just...strongand
beautifuland...”Droppinghergaze,shegrowledinfrustrationatthesuddenheatgatheringbehindher
eyes,pressingherfingertipstoherforehead.Heputonehandonhershin,rubbingcomfortingly,
encouragingly.“ThenIsawyou,”shefinishedwhenshehadshovedthetearsbackwheretheybelonged.

“Whatdoyouthinkitmeant?”Heasked,outofgenuinecuriosity,shethought.Oratleastitsounded

thatway.Nothumoringorpatronizingher.

“RowanaskedifIthoughtitwashimsayinggoodbye.ItwasmyfirstthoughtwhenIsawit,butI’ve

neverbelievedinthingslikethateither.ProbablyastupidcoincidenceI’vegivenentirelytoomuch
thoughtto,right?Butitkeepscomingbacktome.”

“Ithinkwehavetotakesolacewhereverwefindit.Ifit’stherapeuticforyoutobelieveitwashim,

thenbelieveit.Anddon’tletanyonetakeitfromyou.”

Shefellsilentforatime,scrapingherspoonagainsttheinsideoftheicecreamcartontogetatthe

soft,meltypartandtakingabite.“Youdon’tseemtoliketalkingaboutyourpast,”sheventured,flickinga
glanceupathim.“Iwanttoask,butIdon’twanttointrude.”

“Youcouldn’tintrudeifyouwantedto.I’llbeanopenbookforyou.Idon’tofferthattomany.”
“Didyou...”Trailingoff,unabletophrasethequestion,shecouldonlylookupathimhelplessly.“I

don’twanttodigupwhatthepresssays.Ideliberatelyavoidit.Idon’twanttolistentoeveryoneelse,
either.AndIdon’treallywanttohearit,but...IguessIneedto.Whateveritis.”

“WhenIwasseventeen,”hebegan,abandoninghisspoonintheicecreamsothatitstoodstraightup

andnotlookingather,“Ikilledamaninourhouse.”

“Wasitanaccident?”sheasked,herheartthuddinghard.
Hisjawstiffened,hardasgranite.Otherwisehewasasstillassculpture.“No.Ifuckingmeanttodo

it.Saiditwasanaccidenttokeepmyassoutofjail,toldeveryonethat,buthewasbeatingmymother.
He’dbeatenhertotheground,unconscious,andwasstillbeatingher.Hewouldhavekilledher.Idon’t
knowwhy,maybeovermoneyordrugsorsex,butIdidn’tcare.Ireturnedthefavor,andIdidn’tstopuntil
thatsonofabitchwasdead.”

Savannahlacedherhandstogetherinfrontofhermouth,simultaneouslyheartbrokenandhorrified,

robbedofwords.

“SomepeoplethinkIshouldhavecalledthepolice.Mymotherwouldhavebeendeadbeforetheygot

there.SomepeoplethinkthatonceIsubduedhim,Ishouldhavestopped.Iguesstheyhaveapoint.But
seeingherthere...”Hisvoicecrackedandhedrewadeepbreathbeforegoingon,“Beatenandbloody
andsosmallonthefloorinapuddleofherownblood...Icouldn’tstop.AllIcouldimaginewasthat
wewouldneverbesafe,MomorZaneorDamienorme,eveniftheypickedtheguyupandhewentto
jail,hewouldbeoutinnotimeandwewouldallbeindangerthen.Iknewhowthesystemworked.”

“Andyouwereletoff?”
“Eventually.Theydetermineditwasjustifiable.Zanewastheresohecouldbackmeup.Idon’tknow

whereDamienwasbutI’mgladhewasgone.Momwasslowrecovering—probablybecauseallthe
drugshadtakentheirtoll.Shewasneverthesame,andaboutsevenmonthslater,shewasgone.”

“I’msosorry,Michael.Foreverything.”
“Inevermeanttohurtyourbrother,Savannah.Beathim,yeah,evenbeathimbad.Butneverthat.

Neverwhathappened.It’sthedarkest,emptiest,mostfuckingcatastrophicfeelingyoucaneverimagine
anditshreddedme.Icouldn’tdeal.Icouldhavegonetherestofmylifewithoutknowingitagain.Whenit
happenedwithTommy...JesusChrist,Ican’tdescribeit.”Hescrubbedhisfacehardwithbothhands,
asiftowipeawaytheemotion.Shebettherewasn’tenoughforceintheworldtodothat.“Ikeptthinking

ofyourfamily,andhowIdidn’tknowyoubutyouprobablywantedtodotomewhatIdidtothatguy
fifteenyearsago.Thatitwaspayback.”

“No,no.Iknowyoudidn’tmeanforittohappen,”shesaid,promptinganopenstreamoftearstoflow

downhercheeks.Shedidn’tevencareanymoreaboutthem.Afterwhathehadjustsharedwithher,being
embarrassedofafewtearsseemedridiculous.Shecrawledovertohimandcollapsedontohischest,
sighingasthestrengthofhisarmscamearoundher,clutchingherasfiercelyasshedidhim.Eachofthem
soakingintheother’sstrength.Heshudderedagainsther,grapplingwithhisunnamabledemons.Wehave
totakesolacewhereverwecanfindit,he’dsaid,andsomehow,bysomedivineinterventionor
alignmentofthestarsorwhateverthehellelsedeterminedtheirdestinies...hewashersolace.

“I’dbettergetyouback,”hemurmuredintoherhair,hisfistclenchinginitasifthethoughtwas

unbearableforhim.Andsheknewhewasright,thatRowanwouldprobablyneverforgiveherforstaying
thenightwithhim,butitwasunbearableforhertoo.

“Iknow,”shesaidsoftly.Andnotallofhertearsafterthatwereforherbrother.Morethanafew

wereforMichael,andforherself.

SavannahopenedthehoteldoortoRowan’sfuriousgreeneyesandcrossedarms.

“Yousleptwithhim.”
Theaccusationcutrighttotheheart,asSavannahhadknownitwould.Shemaintainedhersilence,her

mouthtightening,andturnedtoretrievehercarry-onbagfromthebed.

Rowanchasedafterher.“MyGod!Whatareyouthinking?AfterallthatlecturingmeaboutZane,and

yourunoffandscrewthereasonforthisentiremess?”

Savannahcalmlyextendedthehandleonhersuitcaseandglancedaroundtheroombeforeturningback

toRowanwithadeepinhale.“IdidnotsaythatIsleptwithhim,andIdon’tappreciatethat.”

“Whyelsewereyououtsolate?”
“Idon’tknow,talking?Don’tyouthinkwewouldhavealottotalkabout?”
“Likewhat?DidyoufindoutwhyhewouldkeepgoingafterTommyaftertherefcalledthefight?I’d

reallyliketoknow.”

“No,Ididn’t,becauseIknowhedidn’tmeantohurthim.Ibelieveitdowntomysoul.”
“Whathemeantdoesn’tmatter.”Rowan’seyesbrimmedwithtears.“Itstillhappened.Idon’tknow

howyoucanlookathim.Forgivehimifyouabsolutelyhaveto,forwhateverreason,andletitfucking
go!”

Savannah’smouthworkedsoundlesslyforamoment.“Ro,Iaskedyou—”
“No.Youaskedaboutdinner.Dinner.Andthenwewouldgohometodayandnothingwouldever

comeofit,likeyousaid.Icould’veacceptedthat.Butthis...”Sheputbothhandstoherheadasifsuch
insanitywasbeyondhercomprehension.“Savannah!Yourpoorparents!”

“Okay,Iloveyou,andyou’vecomecloseafewtimesbutyou’renowcrossingthelinetohysterical,

andthatisnotgoodforthebaby.Thisisnothingmyparentsneedtoknowabout,andthere’snoreasonto
thinkwhatIsaidwon’tstillhappen.We’regoinghome.Allright?Nothinghaschanged.”Adeception,
again.Shenearlycringedwhenitfellfromherlips,startingthecycleallover.Everythinghadchanged.

Mikehadbroughtherbacktothehotelaroundthree,andeventhen,they’dclungtoeachotherfora

goodhalfhourinhistruck,andshe’dhadtomakehimvownottoshowuptodayattheairporttoseeher
off.Itwouldn’tsurpriseherifhecameanyway,orifshewaspickinghimupinNewOrleansnext
weekendafteraflightofhisown.

Whichwouldbejustfinewithher,becauseshealreadymissedhim.Thelastlooktheyhadshared

beforesheclosedthedoorandwatchedhimdriveawayhadtornhertopieces.

“Youcanhaveanymanyouwant,Savannah,”Rowansaidsadlyafteramomentofpainfulsilence

whileshetriedtogetagriponheremotions.ShesweptanarmdowninSavannah’sgeneraldirection.“I
mean,lookatyou.Anyoneyouwant.Whyhim?WhytheonewhotookTommyawayfromus?”

Inheremotionallyrawstate,Savannahcouldn’tresistthetearsthatsprangtoherowneyesattheraw

paininRowan’svoice,inherface.“Ididn’tplanonanyofthis.”

“Thenyoucanstopit.Okay?Juststopit.Youhaveto.”
MaybeMike’sideaofrunningawayhadbeenagoodone.Itwouldbetheonlywayeitherofthem

wouldfindanypeacetogether.

Savannahdidn’tknowwhattosay.Shewouldn’tcheapenwhatsheandMikehadsharedallweekend

byvowingtoenditwhensheknewshewouldn’t—couldn’t.Hedidn’tdeservethat.Butneithercouldshe
bringherselftolietoRowananymore,either.

“Youwon’t,though,willyou?”Rowanasked.“Iseeitalloveryourface.”
“Pleaseletusgiveitachance,”shesaid,findingitridiculous,asagrownwoman,tobegsomeone

elsetoletherhavetherelationshipshewanted.“Justachance.Maybeitwon’twork.Maybeitwill.Ifit
does,we’lldoeverythingwecantomakeitright.Iknowhewantsto.”

“Theonlywayhecanmakethisrightistostayoutofourlives.Ifyouwerethinkingstraight,you

wouldknowthat.”

“Hemadethisweekendpossibleforyou.MeetingZaneand—”
“AndIwouldn’thaveacceptedifI’dknownthatyou’dfuckhimforit.”
PainrippedthroughSavannah’schestwithaforcethatmadeherstaggerbackwardastep,

momentarilyunabletospeakaroundit.“You’dbetterstop,Rowan,beforeyousaysomethingyouregret.”

“Toolate.Ialreadyregreteverything.”SheturnedandstalkedtowardthedoorasSavannahfought

withragingangerandhurt,butRowanturnedforonefinalwordbeforeslammingherwayout.“Don’tyou
dareevertrytotellmeyoulovemeagainifyoudothis.Never.”

Theclosingdoorechoedthroughtheroom,leavingSavannahstandingalone,staringatitlongafterher

sister-in-lawwasgone.AndthenthephonewasinherhandandMichael’svoiceinherearalmostbefore
sheknewshe’dmoved.

“What’sthematter?”hedemandedthesecondheheardhervoice,thesobsrippingfromherthroat.
“RowanandIjusthadahugefight,”shemanagedtotellhim.Somethingabouthisvoice,strongand

authoritativewhileherbrainfeltlikeamassofconfusion,gaveherstrength.“Idon’tknowwhattodo.We
wereabouttoleavefortheairport.”

“Fuck.I’llcomegetyou.”
“No,”shebitoutbeforeshethoughtaboutit.Itwaswhatshewantedmorethananythingrightthen,to

seehim,feelhisarmsaroundher,but...“That’llmakethingsworse.”

“Isthecarthereyet?”
“Idon’tknow.Ihaven’tlefttheroom.”
“Ifit’saboutus,Savannah,tellherwhatshewantstohear.”
“ThatIwon’tseeyouanymore?Ican’t.It’salie.ThatliewillkeepgoingonandonandIcan’tlive

likethat.”

“Canyoulivelikethis?”heaskedgrimly,thenhisvoicegentledashesaid,“Gogetontheplane,

darlin’.Everythingwillbeallright.”

“God.”Shedroppedherforeheadtoherfreehand,rubbingattheheadachebloomingthere.“Ifwe’re

bothactinglikethisontheplane,they’llkickusoff.”

“Dryyoureyesandtakeabreath.Yougotthis.”

“Imissyou.”
“Missyoutoo.”
Chuckling,sheraisedherheadandstaredtowardthewindowwithbleary,unfocusedeyes.“Yeah,

you’reprobablyreadytogetoffthismerry-go-round.GetuscrazygirlsbacktoLouisiana.”

“Neverthinkit,baby.”
Ofcoursehewouldsaythat.Shetookamomenttogetheremotionsundercontrol,andithelpedto

conjurehimupinherhead,thatdevastatingsmileandrock-hardbodyshe’dspentagoodportionofthe
weekendexploring.Sittingonhiskitchenflooreatingicecreaminthedeadofnight,standingonthebeach
inthedarknesswithhimwhiletherestoftheworldwassleeping.“WhatwereyoudoingwhenIcalled?”

“Cardio,”hesaid,alittlesheepishly.
“Whatwegotlastnightwasn’tenoughforyou?”sheteased,thoseimagesinherheadnowsweatyand

hot,atangleofsheetsandlimbsandhandsandorgasms.

“No,actually.Icouldgoforafewmoreroundsofthat.”
“Metoo.”Shedrewafortifyingbreath,needingeveryounceofstrengthshepossessedforthenext

hoursahead.“ButIguessI’dbettergo.”

“You’reokay?”
“Yeah.Iamnow.”
“Callmewhenyou’rehome.Letmeknowyoumadeitsafe.”
“Iwill.”
“I’llcounttheminutes,then.”Thesmilewasobviousinhisvoice,anddamnhim,shemighthave

fallenalittlefurtherinthoseseconds.

KnockingonRowan’sdoorafewminuteslater,shebegantowonderifshehadgoneaheaddownto

thelobby,butsuddenlythedoorsnatchedopen.Rowan’seyesweredrynow,butglassyandredrimmed.
Shedidn’tlookSavannahinthefaceasshesaid,“Comehere.”

TheroomwasfrigidanddimasSavannahwordlesslyslippedin;Rowanhadpulledthedrapes

closed.MostofthelightcamefromalonelampinthecornerandRowan’slaptopopenonthedesk,the
screenglowingwithaneasilyrecognizableYouTubepage.

Savannahfrozewhenshesawit.“What’sthis?”
“Sit.”
“No.Damnit,Rowan,Itoldyou—”
“Ihadtoseeit,”Rowansaidsavagely,“andthatmeansyouhavetoseeittoo.Sitdown.”
AllthetearsSavannahhadmanagedtorepresssprangbackintohereyes,andshebackpedaledfrom

thecomputerasifitwereavenomoussnakepoisedtostrikeher,ahandtohermouth.“Isaidno.This
isn’thappening.”

“Whatareyouafraidof?Afraidyou’llseewhathereallyis?Maybeyoushould.Isawit.”
“You’retryingtomakemewatchmybrotherdiealloveragainand—”
“Hedidn’tdiehere,hediedatthehospital.”
“Iknowwherethefuckhedied,Rowan,Iwasthere.”
“Thenit’sinterestingyouputitlikethat,becauseyeah,you’reright,hediedatthehospitalbutMike

Larsonkilledhimhere.”

“Hedidn’tmeanto!”
“Howdoyouknow?You’veneverseenit.”
“Iknowwhathetoldme.”
“Justwatchit,Savannah.Thenyoucantrytojustifytome,ortoyourparents,whyyouwanttobewith

him.Trustme,that’saconversationyoudon’twanttogointowithoutknowingallthedetails.”

“Ihateyouforthis.”Thewordstoreherheart,shreddedit,astheyrippedfromherthroat.Atthe

moment,shemeantthemcompletely.

“Thenwe’reeven.Ihateyouforthistoo.”
Butnothinghadeverhurtherasmuchasthat,evenifshedeservedit.
“Idon’twantto,”Rowansaidquickly,hervoicelosingitsmaniacaledgeandturningsofter,pleading,

“Savannah,please,justwatchit.I’llleaveyoualonewhileyoudo,ifyouwant.ButIwantto...Ineedto
knowthatyou’regoingintothisunderstandinghowIfeel.Tounderstandit,youhavetosee.”

“Wehaveaplanetocatchinlessthantwohours,”Savannahsaiddesperately.“Please,let’sgo.I’ll

watchitwhenIgethome,okay?CanIatleastdothat?”

Rowanstaredatherforamoment,herexpressionunreadable,almostblank.“Promiseme,”shesaid

atlast.

Anything,anythingtogetoutofthatcold,darkroom,awayfromthathellishlyglowingscreen.“I

promise,okay?Ipromise.”

Withoutanotherword,Rowanwenttothecomputerandsnappeditshut,thenshoveditintohercarry-

ontote.Savannahtookwhatfeltlikethefirstbreathshe’dbeenallowedsincewalkinginthedoor,her
pulseraginginherears.Iwon’t,shethoughttoherself,Ican’t,Iwon’t,Ican’t...

Butafterthelongestseventy-minuteflightshe’deverexperienced,spentsittingnexttoRowan’sicy

silence,andtheridehomethatseemeditwouldneverend,shetrudgedintoherapartment,dumpedher
bagonthecouch,anddroppedintoherdeskchairtofaceherlaptop.

Drawingabreath,sheturnediton.Waitedafewsecondsthatfeltlikeanadditionaleternityforitto

fireup.SurfedtoYouTube.Lickedlipsdryasparchmentasshesearched“Larsonvs.Dugas”withhands
thatwouldn’tstoptheirfranticshaking.

Andshewatched.

ChapterSixteen

He’dpunishedhimselftoday,drivenhimselftothepointofexhaustion,anditfeltfuckinggood.Ithad
beenalongtimesincehe’dfeltsohopeful,sincehe’dtakentruejoyinhistraining,andJonhadwantedto
turnbackflipsfromsheerhappiness.

“Whateveryouhavetothankforthis,keepitup,”he’dtoldhimastheyfinishedfortheday.
Mikeknewdamnwellwhohehadtothankforit.Heonlywonderedwhatwastakinghersolongto

callhim.Herflightshouldhavelandedhoursago,buthetriednottoworry.Sheprobablyhadalotof
damagecontroltodo,andhewouldn’tbotherherinthemiddleofit.

Zaneevenstoppedby,Mr.RockStarhimself,andtheyhadacoupleofbeerswhileZaneregaledhim

withwildstoriesfromtheroad.Mikewasn’treadytorevealmuchabouthisownweekend,remaining
nonchalantwhenZaneaskedhowhangingoutwithSavannahhadgoneacouplenightsago.Rightnowthe
entireexperiencestillfeltlikeasecrethewasn’tsupposedtotell.Ifshecouldn’ttellittothepeoplein
herlife,thenhewouldn’ttellittohis.

TheyendedupatDamien’snightclub,gettingtheirasseshandedtotheminalivelyTexashold’em

gameduringwhichashittonoftheirmoneybledintotheirbrother’sgreedypockets.

“Idon’tknowwhyyoueventry,”Damientoldthemashethrewdownastraightflushtobeatthefull

houseZanehadgoneallinon.Zanecollapsedacrossthetable,banginghisforeheadagainstitasMike
eruptedinlaughter.“Arewedonehere?It’slikefallingoffafuckinglog,playingyoutwo.Givemea
challenge,atleast.”

“Thefuckyoulaughingat?”ZanesnappedatMike,liftinghishead.“Youwentouthalfanhourago.”
“Itoldyoutogiveitupthen,”Mikeremindedhim,takingaswigofbeer.Jonwouldprobablyslapit

outofhishandsifhecouldseehim,buthesorarelygottohangoutwithbothofhisbrothersatthesame
time.Tonightwasatreat,becausethereweren’ttoomanyplacesZanecouldgoanymorewithoutgetting
mobbed.“It’snotmyfaultyoudidn’tlisten.”

“Ibelieveyourexactwordswere,‘Justgivehimhalfyourmoneyandlethimkickyouinthenuts.’No

wonderhedidn’tlisten.”

“Yeah,yeah,Iheardhim,”Zanegrumbled.
“Fortherecord,Iwouldhavetakenthatdeal,”Damiensaid,crookedgrininfullforce.Hisdark

shark-eyedgazecaressedhiscopiousstacksofchipsasifappraisingapricelessjewel.Yeah,sometimes
Mikeworriedaboutthatone.NotthatZanedidn’thavehisownvicestodealwith,butifDamien’sever
cametolight,itcouldpossiblybetheendofhim.

SomethingelseMikehadtheirlovingmothertothankfor.Theendlessparadeofmenthroughher

househadincludedonewhohadtakenDamienwithhimtoseveraloftheillegalpokerroomsaround
Houston,oncetheboyhadshownaninterestandagoodheadforthegame.Andamonsterwascreated.
ThatmonsterhadbuiltanempireMikesuspectedwasbeyondthescopeofhisandZane’swildest
imaginings,andthatscaredbothofthem.ButaskingDamienaboutit,ortryingtowarnhim,onlyresulted
intheblankwallofhisfamedpokerface.Useless.

AndwherethehellwasSavannah?Miketuggeduphisshirtsleevesandcheckedhisphone,whichhe

hadkeptathiselbowallnightincaseitlitupwithacallormessagefromher.Sofar,ithadremained
darkexceptforvariousacquaintances—hismanagercheckingonhim,acoupleofhistrainingpartners

fromthegym.Butneverthenamehewantedmosttosee.

Enoughwasenough.HesentheratextwhileDamienbegantakingZanetotaskaboutlimpingintoo

oftenonhisbets.Iseverythingokay?Shortandsweet.Hewantedhertoknowhewasthinking
aboutherwithoutinterferingtoomuchwithwhatevershewasdealingwithbackhome.

Thinkingaboutherwasanunderstatement.Evenwhilespendingtimewiththetwopeoplemost

importanttohim,Mikecouldn’tgetheroutofhisheadformorethanaminuteatatime.

“Bootycall?”Damieninquired,liftingabrow.“You’vebeenalloverthatphonetonight.”
Mikegavehimthefinger.
“I’mjustsaying,ifitfallsthrough,there’smorewillingpussydownstairsthanyoucouldshakeyour

dickat.”

ZanelaughedwhileMikeshookhishead.“You’reagoddamndisgrace.”
“Noshit,”hislittlebrotherscoffed.ButMikehadn’tmissedthefactthatDamien’susuallyhyper-

focusedeyeshadbeenfollowingacertaingirlaroundthehugeopenroomallnight,andhewondered
whatmightbegoingonthere.Inonewayoranother,whetheritwassexualinterestorsuspicionof
wrongdoinginhisdomain,itmostlikelyspelledtroubleforher.

“Iwouldgoscopeitout,”Zanesaid,nearpouting,“butthelasttimeIdid,Icausedasmallriotandit

wasalloverfuckingTMZthenextday.Youdon’tneedthatkindofpublicityandneitherdoI.”

“Nosuchthingasbadpublicity.Doyouknowhowlongthelinewasthenightafterthathappened?

Andyouhavethemostdedicatedbodyguardyoucouldaskforrightbesideyou,”Damienpointedout,
gesturingatMikewithhisbeer.“Gobehiswingman,Mike.”

“Hedoesn’tneedawingman.AndthelastthingIfeellikedoingisshovinggroupiesoffhimallnight

untilhemakeshispick,orgoingtojailforbeatingtheshitoutofjealousboyfriendslookingtodohimin.”

“Notinmyplace,youwon’t,”Damiensaidicily.“ButIcouldparadesomefleshuphereforyou,Z,if

youwant.”

“Whatthefuckareyounow,apimp?”Mikedemanded.
Damienturnedimpassivedarkeyesonhim.“No,dumbass.ButIhavecertainacquaintanceswho

woulddroptheirpantiesinananosecondtomeethim.”

Ofcourse.Zane’sbrowsraisedininterestandMikepushedhimselfupfromthetable.“I’vehadabout

allofyoutwoIcantake.”Somuchforbrotherlybonding—hesometimesforgotwhatacoupleof
cavementheycouldbe,andpeoplethoughthewasthebadguy.PlusSavannahhadn’tansweredhimyet,
andhewasfullydisturbedaboutthatnow.“I’llbebackinaminute.”

Heescapeddownthestairs,leavingbehindtheflutterofshuffledcardsandclinkingofchips,shouts

ofvictoryandfrustration.Allofitwaspunctuatedwiththeboomboomboomofthebassintheclub.
Reachingaquietspotinthebackoffices—ifanyplaceinherecouldbeconsideredquiet—hehit
Savannah’snameinhiscontactsandwaitedtohearhervoice...

...onlytobegreetedwithhervoicemailmessage.Shit.
“Hey,darlin’.Justcheckingonyou.Callmebackwhenyoucan.Imissyou.”
Onawhim,hepulledupaflighttrackerappandlookeduptheday’sflightsfromHoustontoNew

Orleans,wonderingifshe’dhadadelay.No,hershadlandedasscheduled.Hehopedtheyhadn’thad
troubleonthewayhome.

OrthatherfightwithRowanhadn’tcontinuedtothepointthatshe’dgivenintoherfamily’swishes

anddecidedtocutalltieswithhim.

Thethoughtwassharp,ugly,brutal,andithithiminthechestharderthananyopponenteverhadinhis

life.Foramoment,hislungslockedupalongwithmostoftheotherlife-supportingorgansinhisbody—
oh,fuck,ithurt.Oh,baby,no,don’tletthem...

Henearlyleaptoffthefloorwhenhisphonelitupwithhernumberandsweetface—apicturehe’d

snappedofthembeforehe’dleftheratthehotelatthree

A. M.

thismorning.“Areyouokay?”hebarkedin

placeofgreeting.

“No,”shesaid,hervoiceweakandtinyandraw,asifherthroathadbeenshreddedfromscreaming..

.orcrying.

Outrageandhelplessnesschurnedthroughhisgut.Goddamnit,heshouldbethere,sheshouldn’thave

tobefacingthisbyherselfwhenitwasallbecauseofhim.Justashewasopeninghismouthtospeak,she
said,“Idon’tthinkIcantalkrightnow.I’msorry.”

“Savannah,Ican’ttakeknowingyou’rehurting.I’llbetherebyfuckingsunriseifyoudon’ttellme

somethingrightnow,IsweartoChrist.”

“Iwatchedthefight,”shesaidafterapause.
Alloftheorgansthathadtentativelyresumedtheirfunctioningshutdownagain.“Whywouldyoudo

that?”

“Rowanmademe.”
Damnthatgirl.Mikeunderstoodthewomanwashurting,andhewasthecauseofeverybitofit,but

thatdidn’tgivehertherighttocontinuouslyspreadherpainaroundtoeveryoneelsewhowastryingto
moveon.Didit?“Andwhatdidyousee?”heaskedatlast,dreadingheranswerwitheveryfiberofhis
being.

“Istillbelieveyou,”shesaidsoftly.“Itdidn’tchangemymindaboutthat.Rowanisconvincedyouhit

himaftertherefcalleditandthatmighthavebeenwhat...hurthim.Idon’tthinkthat.Ithinkthedamage
wasalreadydone,youwerejustcaughtup.Hefell,yousawyourchanceandtookit.”

Shewasabsolutelyrightaboutthat.Whenhewasinthecage,stalkinghisvictorylikeapredator,

primalinstinctswereattheforefrontandtheyeclipsedanyregardforrulesorauthority.Hebarelyeven
rememberedit;he’dbeensointhezone,feelingnopain,notpreparedtoshowanymercy.

“Butseeingitagain...,”shewentonhaltingly,“...howcanIdothis?”
Theywerebacktosquareone,herealized.RowanhadshovedthatfightinSavannah’sfaceagainand

itwasasifithadhappenedtoday.MaybeforRowan,itwouldalwaysfeelthatway.

Hedidn’tknowwhattosay.Sohishearttookover.“Ireallycouldfallforyou,Savannah.Iwantto.”
Sheonlysniffledinresponse,soherushedon.“Iknowit’ssoon,andthisisdamnsurethewrongtime

totellyou,butyoucaughtmefromthemomentIfirstsawyou.Ithoughtaboutyoufromthatdayon,untilI
sawyouagainandyouwereevensweeterandmorebeautifulthanIremembered.Soyeah.”Hechuckled
ruefully.“I’vehadatleastalittletimetofigurethisout.”

“Ifeelthesameway,”sheadmitted,butthecommentdidn’tbringhimthejoyitshouldhave.Shesaid

itasifitwereherdoom.

“Savannah...Ican’twalkaway.It’snotinmynature.IthoughtmaybeIcould.Ithoughtmaybeifit

meantthebestforyou,Icouldmakemyselfdoitforyoursake.It’swhatIshoulddo,butIdon’tknow
how.I’llfightforyou,baby,fightuntiltheyputmeintheground.”

“Rowanhatesme.Andthat’sonlyafractionofwhatI’llbedealingwithwhenshetellsmyparents.

AndIknowshewill.”

“Noonecouldhateyou,noonewhodeservesyou.”
“I’mokay,”shesaidatlast,infusinghervoicewithalittlebitofthesteelhelovedabouther.“Itwas

justhard.Butifthat’swhatsheneededforustogetpastthis,fine.AndIguessIneededittoo,insome
weirdway.”

Mikewipedahanddownhisface,pausingwhileacoupleofgigglinggirlscladinskintightdresses

scuttledbyhiminthehallway,slidinghiminvitinglookshealmostmissedbecauseheabsolutelydidnot

giveashit.Hecouldn’tsayheagreedwithSavannah’swords;itseemedexceptionallycrueltohimto
forceherbacktothatnight.Butifshewasrightandittrulywassomethingsheneededtosee,hewished
hecouldhavebeenwithhertoholdherafterward,wipehertears.Buthewasdonetellingherhowsorry
hewas.Theresimplyweren’tenoughwordstoconveyit.“I’lldowhateveryouneedmetodo.Ifyou
wantmethere,I’mthere.”

“OfcourseIwantyouhere.OrIwanttobethere.But...weeachhaveourlives,don’twe?”
“You’reapartofminenow.Abigfuckingpart.”
“IwishIcouldhavemetyousomeotherway.IwishIcouldbringyouhomeandleteveryonegetto

knowyouandrealizehowamazingyouare.”

Noonehadeversaidanythinglikethattohimbefore.Noneofhispastwomenhadevergivenmuchof

ashitwhethertheytookhimhometomeettheparentsornot;mostofthemhadprobablypreferrednotto.
“I’vethoughtthesamethingeverydaysinceImetyou,aboutwishingwe’dmetunderdifferent
circumstances.”

“Isithopeless?”sheasked,voicecrackingandshreddinghisfuckingguts.
“No,baby.It’snot.AslongasI’minandyou’rein,that’sallthehopeIneed.AndI’mallin.”
“Okay.We’lljust...figuresomethingout.”
“Trytogetsomesleep.You’llfeelbetterinthemorning.”Hehoped.
Shesaidhergoodbyesandwasgone,thoughhewouldhavehappilystayedonthephonewithherall

night.Along-distancerelationshipwassomethinghe’dneverbotheredtoparticipatein,oreven
contemplate,thoughitwouldprobablybeidealforhim.Hewasaguywholikedhisspaceandknewfrom
experiencethathedidn’tneedorevenwantsomeoneinhishome,inhisbed,everynight.Hehadalways
promptlyshutdownanycohabitationdiscussionsbroachedbythewomeninhislife;hehadn’twantedto
subjectsomeoneelsetohim24/7.Itseemedashittythingtoinflictonanotherperson.Hewasextremely
single-mindedinhistraining,andespeciallywhenfighttimerolledaround.Hedidn’thavethetimeor
mentalfocusforanythingoranyoneelse,oftenmovinghiscamptoaremotelocationwhenheneededto
getserious.HowwouldsomeonelikeSavannahreacttothat?Hell,howwouldhereacttoit,ifshe
becameapermanentfixture?

Ofcourse,Savannahstillexpectedhimtoretire,anddependingontheatmospherethatwelcomedhim

whenBradtriedtogethimbackoutthere,thatmightstillcometopass.Onlytimewouldtell.

DamienandZanefellsilentwhenhereclaimedhisseatatthetable,whichledhimtospeculatethat

they’dbeentalkingabouthim.Great.

“Everythingcool?”Zaneasked.
Nosenseinlying;theywouldsmellitonhim.“Notreally,”hegrumbled,andDamienwavedfor

someonetobringhimafreshbeer.

“Savannah?”
“She’shurting,andIcan’tdoafuckingthingaboutit.Rowanisgivingheralotofshit.”
Zaneperkedup.“MyRowan?Nowaycouldshegiveanyoneshit;she’stoosweet.”
“Notthatsweet.”
DamienlookedbackandforthbetweenthemasiftheywerespeakingSwahili.“Wait,arewetalking

abouttheDugasguy’speople?Wherethehellisthiscomingfrom?”

“Mikebroughtthemoverfortheshowtheothernight,”Zaneexplained.“Rowan’sabigfan.”
“Issheanevenbiggerfannow?”
“Dude,she’sagrievingwidow.Givemeatleastsomecredit.”
Damiendidn’tlookconvinced.MikestaredatZane,onehandpensivelyathismouth.Therewasan

ideaformulatinginhismind,buthewasn’tgoingtospeakit.Justwasn’t.Itseemedmanipulativeand

underhandedand—

“Icouldtalktoher,”Zanesaid.
—exactlysomethinghislittlebrotherwouldacton.
“No,”Mikesaid,wavingtheideaawaycompletely.“She’sgotalotofrespectforyouobviously,and

youhavealotofinfluenceonher.Sendingyoutodomydirtyworkwouldn’tberight.”

Zanelookedhimsquareintheeye.Therewerealotofharrowingtruthsbehindthegazeheoften

maskedwithmischiefandasardonicgrin,buteverynowandthen,thosetruthspeekedout.Itwasa
terriblethingtosee.“Howmanytimeshaveyougottendirtyforme?Stoodupformewhennooneelse
wouldbother?”

“Itseemssleazytome,man.”
“What’ssleazyaboutvouchingforyou?Herproblemisshedoesn’tknowyou.”
“Shedoesn’twanttoknowme,Z.That’sherdecisiontomake.Wecan’tforcehertojustacceptthe

guywhokilledherhusbandintothefamily.”

“Intothefamily?”Damienrecoiledasifhe’dbeenburned.“Jesus.Ithoughtyouwereonlytryingto

getintoSavannah’spants,notthefamilyportrait.”

“Isuspectthatparticularmissionwasalreadyaccomplished,”Zanesaidwryly.
“It’salsonotupfordiscussion,”Mikegroundout,sendingwarningglancestobothofthem.
“I’mnotevenkidding,though,”Zanesaid.“Wehititoffprettywell.GivemeRowan’snumber.I’mon

it.”

“Idon’thaveit,”Mikesaid.
“Youcangetit.”
“IspecificallytoldSavannahshedidn’thaveanythingtoworryaboutwithyou.Siccingyouonher

sister-in-lawwouldbegoingbackonthatword.”

“I’llbegood,dude.Iwouldn’tdoanythingbutpersuadehertogiveyouabreak.”
“Persuadeher,”Damienscoffed.
“Andshewouldprobablytellyoutofuckoff.”Mikecouldn’tevenbringhimselftoinformthemthat

RowanhadallbutforcedSavannahtowatchthefightagain.Themerethoughtmadehishandstwitch.
Therewerebreakablesaround,andhemightstartbreakingthem.Someangelofmercysetthebeer
Damienhaddemandedinfrontofhim,andhetookalongdrink.

“I’mgonnadoit,”Zanesaid,slappingthetable.
Mikealmostchokedasheswallowed.“Don’t,”hewarned,wipinghismouth.
“Whatdoyouhavetolose?Nothing.Hell,I’llflytoNewOrleansandgiveheranightoutonthetown

she’sneverimagined—asfriends,”headdedquicklywhenhenoticedMike’sdeepeningglower.“She
can’tsaynotothat.”

“It’sshady.”
Zaneshrugged.“It’snotlikeit’sapitydate;Ilikedher.Nothingshadyaboutthat.”
“It’sshadybecauseyouhaveanulteriormotiveandshe’svulnerabletoyou.”
“Thereareworsemotivestohave,andItoldyou:I’llbeonmybestbehavior.Sheneedscheering,so

I’llcheerher.”

“Youmightaswelllethimdoit,”Damiensaid.“Ifshe’sstillgrievingthatmuch,she’llbeimpervious

towhatevercharmshethinkshehas,anyway.”

“No.”
“Notasifyoucanstopme,”Zanepointedoutgleefully.“Anddon’teventrytothreatentokickmyass,

becauseIknowyou,andyouwon’t.”

“Don’tbetoosureofthat,”Mikegrumbled,anddownedhisbeer.

ChapterSeventeen

Savannahwasgladshe’dhadtheforesighttotakeoffthedayafterreturningfromHouston,butshewished
she’dtakenofftheentireweek.

Workdronedby,dayafterday.TheonlyhighlightswerehavingafewlaughswithTashaandtherest

ofhercoworkers,andwiththeclientssheconsideredfriends.Andofcourse,eagerlycheckinghercell
phoneattheendofeverymassagesessiontoseeifMikehadtexted.Usually,hehad.Theyspokeevery
night,sometimesforhours.

Thingsweren’tasgreatwithRowan.WhenSavannahbrokedownandtextedhersister-in-lawinthe

middleoftheweek,askingifshewasokay,Rowan’sterse“no”toldherallsheneededtoknow.

Theyhadarguedpettilyinthepast,makingupasquicklyastheyhadcometowords.Butnever,ever

anythinglikethis,andSavannahcriedherselftosleepmorethanonceoverit.

Wasshebeingcompletelyselfish?Itdidn’tfeelthatway.Itfeltlikeshe’ddiscoveredsomething

precious,somethingthatbroughthersheer,unmitigatedjoyinthemiddleofaverydarktime,and
everyonewastryingtotakeitawayfromher.

“Idon’tknowwhattodo,”sheconfidedtoTasha,aftertheentiresorrystoryhadpouredoutofher

duringoneoftheirbreaksthefollowingweek.They’dbothstoppedforanafternooncaffeinefixintheon-
sitecaféandsatatalittletableremovedfrommostoftheotherpatrons.

“I’lltrytogiveyouadviceonceIgetoverthefactthatyou’vebeenkeepingthisfrommeallthis

time.”Tashastirredhercoffee,setherspoonaside,andgloweredcomicallyather.

“I’msorry.Itisn’tsomethingyourunaroundtellingeveryone.IonlywonderifRowanhastoldmy

parentsyet.Ihaven’theardawordfromthem.It’sradiosilence.”

“Youhavetofindout,hon.Youhavetofacethemeventually.Haveitout.”
“They’vealwaysbeenabletobackmedown,youknow?Formostofmylife.Tommywasbetterat

goingafterwhathewanteddespitethem.Andthistime...Ican’tletthemdoit.”

“Well,goodforyou.Onlyyouknowwhatthisguymakesyoufeel,butifit’sstrongenoughtodowhat

you’redoing...Ithinkit’sworthfightingfor.Don’tyou?”

“Sofaritis.”
“Sodoit.Youwanttobewithafighter,yougottalearnhowtofight.”
Savannahsnickered.“Ican,youknow.WhenIhaveto.”
“Yougottalearntoloveit,girl.Speakingof,howisthatgoingtowork?Areyougoingtoberingside

forallofhisfights?Areyoupreparedforwhateverthepressisgoingtothrowatyou?Youhavetoadmit,
they’regoingtoeatitup.”

“Oh,Iwon’tberingsideforanything.Hesaidhemightretire.”
Tashaliftedaperfectlypenciledeyebrow.“Youbelievehewill?Andcouldyouhangwithhimifhe

didn’t?Youdidn’tlikewatchingTommy’sfightsevenbeforedisasterstruck.”

“Iknow.”Amiserableweightdescendedonheratthemerethought.“Honestly,Idon’tknowifhe’s

retiringornot.Hedoesn’tseemtoknowifhe’sretiringornot.”

Nowbotheyebrowsraised.“Um,Ithinkyou’dbettergetthatstraightbeforeyougoalienatingyour

entirefamilyoverhim,Sav.Imean,comeon.Ifyouhaveaphobiaabouttheguy’soccupationitprobably
isn’tgoingtositwellwithhim.He’llwantyouthere,youknow.”

“Itscaresme,”sheadmitted.God,thatwasunderstatement.Itfuckingterrifiedher.Shetriedto

imagineherlife,sittingathomeorwherever,knowinghewasinthecageandonewrongmovemightspell
hisdoom.Maybeshewasbeingoverlydramatic.Butwhenyou’dseenitoncealready...

Laterthatnight,wearingherpajamasanddrinkingherchamomiletea,shefoundherselfinfrontof

YouTubeagain.Insteadofwatchingthefightthathadsealedalltheirfates,though,shepulledupsomeof
Mike’solderones.TheshortbrawlacoupleofyearsagowhereheknockedoutCaruthersinforty-two
seconds.Theonehisfanhadbroughtupintheelevator—makingSantoyatapoutwithanarmbarinthe
thirdround.AlosstoFrankMeyersthreeyearsagothatwentthedistance,decidedbysplitdecision.

Oh,God,thelookonMike’sfacewhenthatannouncementwasmade.Subtletotheoutsider,perhaps,

butshesawthedevastationbitedeepashisheaddroppedandwantedtoreachthroughthescreenand
grabhim.Butthenhisteamdescendedonhimandshecouldn’tseeanythingexceptMeyersgloatingfor
thecrowdandthecamera.Whatanasshole.Fromwhatshe’dseen,Mikewasalwaysgraciousafterhis
victories,huggingitoutwithhisopponents.AndMeyerswastheheavyweightchampionnow,lastshe
heard.

Herphoneblaringtolifenexttoherlaptopmadeherjump,butthenameonthedisplaymadeher

smile.“Heyyou,”shesaidwarmly,closingoutherwebbrowserandshuttingthecomputerdown.

“Hey,beautiful.Haveagoodday?”Hisvoicemadeherfeellikeshe’djusttakenashotofwhiskey—

flushedandweakandalittlefloaty.

“Prettygood.Howaboutyou?”
“Grueling.Jonwasridingmyasshardtoday.”
Shebithertongueonthenaughtycommentthatwantedtotumblefromherlips.Atleastgetthe

chitchatoutofthewayfirst,horndog.Itwasallhisfault,though;he’dmadeherthisway.

“Doyouprettymuchspendalldayatthegym?Likethat’syourdayattheoffice?”
Hechuckled.“Yeah.That’smyoffice.”
“Whatdidyoudotoday?”
“Grappling,mostly.He’sonmyassaboutmyeating.I’vebeenbad.”
“Oh?Ican’timagine,”sheteased,thinkingabouttheirfeastatSpindletop—somethingthatwasnever

farfromhermind,actually.“AmIabadinfluence?”

“Onthecontrary.I’vebeenbetterthispastweekthanIhaveintwomonths.”
“Andthat’sbecauseofme?”
“You’reputtingmebacktogether,babe.”
Thatwaswonderful,andthatmadeherhappy—butwhywasitwhenhewasgettingputbacktogether,

sheonlyfeltlikeshewasfallingapart?Andifhewasgettinghisfocusback...itwasonlyamatterof
timebeforehewantedtogetbackinthecage.

“Trainingwashardforawhile,”hewenton,“anditstillis,butI’mdealingwithitbetter.Iwould

reachformydrivebeforeanditjustwasn’tthere.Iwouldseeyourbrotherstandinginfrontofme.I
wouldseealltheothertimesIfailedorfuckedup.”

Savannahbitherlip,herfingerssqueezingthephoneuntiltheyached.“Iwaswatchingsomeofyour

pastfightsearlier,”sheconfessed,withoutreallyknowingwhy.

“Really?Howcome?”
“Well,toseeyou,foronething.”Yeah,thatwaspartofit.Mikeclinchinghisopponentinallhis

shreddedglorywasasighttobehold,musclesstraining,mouthguardbaredashegrittedhisteeth...and
evenwhilehewasonhisfeet,thepredatorygracewithwhichhemovedwassomethingshe’dneverseen
inallthematchesshe’dwatchedherbrothercompetein.Heremindedherofasleek,stalkingjunglecat,
icyblueeyescalculating,assessing,seekinghisopportunitytostrikeandtakingitwithdevastating

precision.Whenhedid...

She’dseenfirsthandhowdisastrousthatcouldbe.
“Hell,wecanFaceTimeorSkype.Youdon’thavetodothattoseeme.”They’dalreadybeendoing

thatmostnights;infact,shewassurprisedtogetasimplecall.“Whichonesdidyouwatch?”

“SantoyaandCaruthers.”Shecringedalittle.“Meyers.”
“Yeah,”hesaid,andsheheardthegravelystraininhistone.“Firstorsecond?”
“Oh,you’vefoughthimmorethanonce?”
“Yeah.Endedthesamewaybothtimes.Fuckeristhethorninmyside.Youknow,someguys...they

justhaveyournumber.I’veeasilybeatenguyswho’vekickedhisassalloverthecage,buthegivesme
helleverytime.”

“Thatmustbefrustrating.”
“Youhavenoidea.Iwastheonewho,whenIgotmyassbeatintheschoolyard,wastherereadyfor

therematchthenextdayuntilIfinallywon.Thingshappensomuchslowernowanditdrivesmenuts.”

Shelaughed.“Youmusthavespentalotoftimeindetention.”
“Thatorsuspended.”
“Meyershasthebeltnow,doesn’the?”
“Keepsmeupatnightsometimes.He’sdefendinginacoupleofmonthsandIhopehegetstheshit

kickedoutofhim.”

“Idon’tknowhim,butfromwhatIsaw,Ididn’tlikehim.”
“HewasoneofthemainonesrunninghismouthtothepressafterTommydiedaboutthesafetyofthe

sportandhowwecouldn’tletahandfulofaccidentsdictateitsfuture.Imean,Idon’tdisagree.Buthe
can’tletonedamnopportunitygobywithoutthrowinghistwocentsinortakingcheapshotsatme,whenI
doubtanyonewhoreallyknowsthisbusinessgivesafuckabouthisopinion.”

Yeah,asifshedidn’talreadyhavereasonenoughnottolikehim...“Wow.Ididn’tknowaboutthat.”
“I’mglad.Don’tlookitup,either;itwon’timproveyourfeelingsabouttheguy.”
She’dseenenoughsocialmediacommentswhenshedaredtopullupanarticleaboutthematter

—Sadfortheguywhodied,butnoreasontofuckwiththesport,or

Must’veneverlearnedtotakeapunch,

orDugassucked,can’tsayI’m

surprisedheboughtitinthecage

—toknowthehumanracecouldbeprettyhorrible

whencloakedintheanonymityoftheInternet,oruntouchablebecauseoftheirelevatedpositions.She
didn’tneedfurtherproof.

“Don’tworry,Iwon’t.”Sheleanedbackinherchair,bringingherkneestoherchest.“Whereareyou

now?”

“Home.”Somethingelseshe’dbeenimaginingsinceleavinghim—hisbeautifulapartment.And,of

course,hismouthbetweenherlegswhiletheHoustoncityscapesparkledbeyondhiswindows.Rolling
acrosshisfour-posterbed,makingloveonhiskitchenfloor.

“WishIwerethere,”shesaidsoftly.
“Youcouldbe,youknow,anytimeyouwant.”
“Oh,don’ttellmethat.Youmightopenyourdoorinthemorningtofindmestandingtherewithallmy

luggage.”God,thatsoundeddesperate,butitwassoclosetothetruth.

Helaughed,seeminglynotputoffbytheideaatall.Buthedidn’tpursueitfurther.“Arethingsbetter

withRowan?”

Andjustlikethat,hermooddimmedtoblack.“Ihaven’ttalkedtoher.”
“IknowItoldyouI’dmakehimkeephisdistance,butZanehasbeenaskingifhecantalktoher.I

didn’tliketheidea,butI’mtemptedtolethimtry.Notsomuchbecauseshecanthinkbetterofme,you

know,butbecauseyouguyshavetorepairthis.Hethinkshecanhelp.”

“Idon’tknowifanythingcanhelp.”Exceptcallingthisoffbetweenyouandme...whateveritis.
“Maybeyoushouldtryshowingupatherdoorwithyourluggage,”hejoked.Itwasanidea.If

SavannahknewRowan,shehadatonofthingstosay,andgettingtheopportunitytosaythemall—
screamingorcryingorthrowingthingsorwhateversheneededtodo—wassometimesallsheneeded.
Thiswasalittledifferent,though.

“Idon’tknowaboutlettingZanetalktoher,”Savannahadmitted.“Iknowhe’syourbrother,but—It’s

thewholerockstarlifestylething,Iguess.Itwouldbesoeasyforhertogetcaughtupinit.Istillwantto
lookoutforher,youknow.”

“Completelyunderstood.Isaidthesamething.”
Thenagain,Rowanwasabiggirl.IfSavannahwantedfreedomtomakeherownchoiceswithout

intrudingfamilymemberslookingoverhershoulder,shehadtoaffordhersister-in-lawthesame
opportunities.“Shewouldprobablyloveit,though.Can’tdenythat.”

“Well,ifyouwanttogivemehernumber,I’llpassitontohim.Withstrictinstructionstobackoffif

shetellshimto.”

Savannahchuckled.“Willhelisten?”
“That’swhatI’mworriedabout.”

Shedidn’tknowwhattoexpectwhenthetextcamefromhermotherthenextnight.Nopreamble,no
explanation.Youneedtocomeover.

Groaning,Savannahtossedthephonedownandrolledoverinherbed,clutchingOscartheNinth.It

wasonlysixthirty,butshewasexhaustedandalreadyinherpajamaswaitingonMiketocall.Andthis
wasthesummonsshehadbeendreading,havingavoidedherparentsliketheplagueeversincegetting
backfromHouston.

Shedidn’tdoubtforasecondthatRowanhadfinallyrattedherout.Notthatshecouldblameher—

RowanhadtobeassadandconfusedandSavannahherselfwas,andshehadnooneelsetoconfidein.
Herprimaryconfidantehadbetrayedher.

Well,thisisit,shetoldherself.You’recutoff,disinherited,onyourown.Shecouldhearthewords

now.Eitherthat,ortherewouldbeanultimatumofsomesort,andshecouldeasilyguesstheterms.

Savannahwouldalmostprefertheformer,ratherthanbeingforcedintoachoiceshedidn’tthinkshe

couldmakerightnow.Inabsolutelynohurry,shedressedandmadethetoo-shortdrivefromherapartment
totheLakefront,whereherparentshadlivedforthepastfifteenyears.Thestatelyhousetheycalledhome
hadbeensparedthebruntofthefloodingfromHurricaneKatrinadespitesittingdirectlyacrossfromLake
Pontchartrain—hadtheylivedfarthersouthbyamerefewstreets,theymighthavebeenundertenfeetof
floodwaterfromtheSeventeenthStreetCanalleveebreach.

Shewasn’tsurewhyshethoughtofthatterrifyingtimeasshepulledintotheirdrive,exceptthatitwas

oneexampleshecouldthinkofwhereherfamilyhadpulledtogetherandleanedononeanother.They’d
hadtofleeeverythingtheyownedandwatchthecitytheylovedbecomemiredindeathanddestruction,
anotheroneofthosescarsthattimecouldn’tseemtofullyheal.

They’dgottenthroughthat.Scarred,yes,different,surely,butthey’dgottenthroughit.Shehopedto

Godtheycouldgetthroughthistoo.

AlongwiththoughtsofthehurricanecameinevitablememoriesofTommy,thewayhe’dbeenlikea

rockforthemduringthatverydarktime,andshefoundherselfpleadingwithhisimageinherhead,even
ifdoingsowasasortofsacrilegeinitself.Alittlehelphere,please,brother?Youalwayshandledthem

somuchbetterthanIcould.

Yeah.Tommywouldprobablyremainsilentonthisone.Shereallywasonherown.
Asshewastrudgingtothefrontdoorwithawarmbreezeblowinginoffthelake,herphonerangfrom

thedepthsofherpurse.Mike.Shepulleditoutandshothimaquicktextlettinghimknowshewouldtalk
tohimlater.Ifheknewwhereshewasgoing,hemightstarttoworry.Shedidn’twantthat.

Therewerefewformalitiesatherparents’house;shehadaroomthere(fornow,atleast)andcould

alwayscomeandgoasshepleased.Openingtheirfrontdoor,shecalledouta“hello”shehopedwas
cheerierthanshefeltandleftherbagandphoneinthefoyercloset.Therenearthefrontdoorwasthe
samefamilyportraitshehadathome,theDugasfamilysmilinginthesunshine.Forperhapsthefirsttime
inawhile,though,shefocusedonherownimage,thefifthwheel,noticinghowhersmiledidn’tquite
reachhereyes.

“Inhere,”herdadcalledfromthelivingroom.Hedidn’tsoundhimself,butneitherdidhesoundasif

hewasinathunderousrage,sothatwasapositive.Sheplasteredasmileacrossherfaceassheentered
theroom,butfeltitfreezeinplacewhenthecouchcameintoviewandRowanwassittingonit,herface
red,hereyesteary.Shedidn’tmeetSavannah’sgaze,insteadkeepingherowntrainedonthewadoftissue
shewasworryinginherhands.

Reginasatbesideher,onelegtuckedbeneathher,onehandonRowan’sshoulder.
Playdumb.Fornow.“Iseverythingokay?”
Herdadstoodandgaveheralonghug,whichshereturnedfiercely,stilllookingworriedlyatRowan

andhermotheroverhisshoulder.“Areyouokay,Van?”heaskedher,usingthenicknamehe’dgivenher
whenshewasknee-hightohim.

“Oh,sure,I’mmakingit,”shesaidcautiouslyasshereleasedhimandlookedintohisassessingeyes.

Hell,iftheyknewaboutMike,whatdidtheythink?Thathehadabusedhersomehow?

“Sitdown.Weneedtotellyougirlssomething.”
Surprised,Savannahperchedononeofthewing-backchairsasherdadreclaimedhisownacross

fromher.Itwasweirdandprettyickythatherparentswereprobablyabouttolectureherabouthersex
life.Shewantedtorunfromtheroom,butsomehowresolvedtokeepherbuttonthechairwhileherdad
exchangedglanceswithhiswifeasiftheyweren’tsurewhichofthemshouldspeakfirst.

SavannahalsonoticedthatRowanlookedalittleconfusedaswell.Andsherealizedthatwhatever

herparentswereabouttodroponthem,shewasasinthedarkasSavannah.“What?”sheaskedweakly,
lookingbackandforthbetweenthem.

“Itwasneverourintention,”Reginabegan,“tonottellyougirlseverythingabouthowTommydied,it

justworkedoutthatway.Hewasgone,that’sallthatmattered.Itwasabrainbleed.Butwhatthedoctors
tolduswhilehewasstillhangingoninICU—youweren’tthere,Rowan,youwereinconsolableathis
sidewhilewespokewiththedoctorinthehallway—wasthatitcouldhavebeensecond-impact
syndrome.”

“Whatdoesthatmean?”Rowanasked,herbreathingpickingup,ahigh,hystericalqualityenteringher

voice.

“Itmeansthattheirscansshowedhemighthavesufferedalightconcussionintheweeksleadingupto

thefightwithLarson,”Savannah’sdadsaid.“Itcouldhavebeensomethingsimple,minor,somethingthat
happenedintrainingthathebarelyevennoticed,orjustignored.Butallittookwastherighthitinthe
rightplaceafewweekslater,andnotevenahardhit.It’srare,theysaid,butithappens.Henevershould
havebeeninthefight.Hehadatickingtimebombinhishead.”

“ButMikeLarsonsetitoff!”Rowansaid,shootinganaccusinglookatSavannah.
“It’snotasblackandwhiteasthat,”Savannahshotback,completelyforgettingherplaydumb

strategy.“Thiscouldhavehappenednomatterwhowasinthecagewithhim.Aren’tyoulistening?”

“Stop,”Reginasnapped,andbothofthemfellintoasullensilence.“ItwouldbreakTommy’sheartto

hearyoutwofightinglikethis,don’tyouknowthat?”Hereyeswerefillingwithtears.“Itbrokeusto
piecestohearitwassomethingthatcouldhavebeenavoided,andwesparedyoufromit.Weallknow
howstubbornhewas.Neverinamillionyearsdidweeverthinksomethinglikethiswouldcomeup
whereyouwouldneedtoknowthatitwasjustahorribleaccident.Rowan?”Reginatookherdaughter-in-
law’sfacebetweenbothherpalms,makingherlookatherwithstreamingeyes.“Itwasanaccident.It
wasaterrible,senseless,freakaccident.”

Savannahhadn’trealizedbeforenowthatshewascryingaswell,alittlefromrelief,mostlyfrom

sadnessatwhattheyallhadlost.

“Butitwasn’thisfault,”Rowanwassobbing,throwingherselfintoRegina’sarms.
“No,honey,itwasn’t.Itwasn’tanyone’sfault.Itwasjust...aperfectstormofcatastrophic

circumstances.”

“Myentirelifehasbeenaperfectstormofcatastrophiccircumstances,”Rowansaid,shredding

Savannah’sheartfurther,andshecouldn’ttakeanymore.Sheleftherseattowrapbothofthewomenin
herarms.Andtheyacceptedher,evenRowanclutchingatherfiercely.“Iloveyou,Savvy.”

“Loveyoutoo,Ro.Always,nomatterwhat,okay?I’msosorry.”
“I’msorrytoo,”Rowansniffled.
Savannahcaughtsightofherdadoverhersister-in-law’sblondhead—hewasstaringatthewall

oppositethem,ahandtohismouth,notearsoranysignofemotiononhisfacewhatsoever.Onlythe
peoplewhoknewhimbestwouldseethathewasasdevastatedastherestofthem.

Anditwasallherfault,really,thattheywerehavingtorelivethisagain.Herfaultforbeinginterested

insomeonesheshouldn’tbe.Evenif,attheendoftheday,Mikewasn’tasresponsibleforTommy’sdeath
asRowanlikedtothink,hewasstillatrigger,wasn’the?Themerementionofhimwouldmakeitall
comebackforthem.Thingswouldneverbenormal.Shewouldhavetorespectthat.

Orletitgo.
“Idon’twanttohurtanyone,”Savannahventured.“That’sthelastthingIwant.That’sthelastthinghe

wants.”

Mikehadbeenbroughtintotheconversationalready,butnotreally.Theycouldstilltalkabouthimbut

keephimatadistance.Hervoicinghisthoughts,givinghimlife,madeastillnesstravelthroughtheroom.
Confirmingherfears.EvenifTommyhadatickingtimebombinhishead,asherdadsaid,itdidn’tmatter.
Mikewasthecatalyst.Hehadsetitoff.Nothingwouldeverchangeit.

“He’sagoodperson,”shesaid,atoncedesperateandhopeless.“PleaseknowthatIwouldn’tbewith

himifhewasn’t.Hewantedtocontactyouallfromthestarttoletyouknowhowsorryhewas.Itoldhim
notto.MaybeIshouldn’thavedonethat,Idon’tknow.”

“Ijustdon’twantanythingtodowithhim,Savannah.”Rowandisengagedherselffromthehug,butshe

didn’tlookangryordefensive.Shelookedtiredandlost.“Youcanbewithhimifyouwant.We’refine,
okay?Butseeinghim...no.Ican’tdoit.”

“Ihavetoagree,”Reginasaidquietly.“Maybesomeday,eventually,we’llfeeldifferently.”
Somehow,ithurtworsethananorderoranultimatum—somethingherparentswereverygoodat.

Whywasthat?Wasitthesilentdisappointmentontheirfacesalongsidethegrief?Hadshecompletelyand
utterlyletthemdowntothepointthattheycouldn’tbebotheredtodealwithher?

Wasshejustakidcryingforattentionandnotgettingit?Jesus.
“Okay,”shesaid,soundingsmallandmorethanalittlelostherself.“Iunderstand.”

ChapterEighteen

Ineedtoseeyou.

ThemessagecameatelevenasMikewastryingtogettosleep,andworrygnawedintohisgut.It

seemedlikemorethandesireorlate-nightsweettalk.Savannahhadbeenabsentallnight,whichwasn’t
normalforher,andnowhesensedseriousnessbehindthesewords.

When?

hereplied.

Soon.Please.
Iseverythingokay?

Shewasalongtime,aneternity,answering.Idon’tknow.Imissyou.
Allright,enoughofthis.Hecouldn’tliehereandtrytodecipherherwords;heneededtohearher

voice.Sheansweredwhenhecalled,butforanawfulmomenthethoughtshewasn’tgoingto.Ashe’d
feared,hergreetingwasshaky,uncertain.

“Hi.”
“Baby,what’sthematter?”
“Italkedtomyparentstonight.”
Worryturnedintofull-blowndreadasMike’sheartlurched,andforjustonegod-awfulsplitsecond,

hedidn’tknowifhecouldtakeanymore.Alltheguilt,theshame,thepointingfingers,woulditever
fuckingstop?Hewished,andnotforthefirsttime,thathecouldactuallybethecold-bloodedbastard
everyonetookhimfor.Thenmaybehewouldn’tgiveashit.“Whatdidtheysay?”

“ThatTommyshouldneverhavebeenfighting.Hemighthavehadapreviousconcussionthat

contributedtohisdeath.”

Fuck.Heputthephonetohischestforasecond,grindingtheheelofhisotherhandintohisforehead.

Hearingthatshouldhavehelped,kindof,insomesmallway.Itdidn’t.

WhenSavannah’sdistantvoicereachedhim,askingifhewasstillthere,hebroughtthephonebackto

hisear,hisownwordsgruffandempty.“I’llbetherebymorning.”

JonwouldfliphisshitandcusshimsixwaystoSunday;well,maybeMikecouldinsomesmallway

bethatcold-bloodedbastardhewantedtobe,becausehehonestlycouldn’tgiveafuck.

“Youdon’thavetodothat.Iwasthinkingofthisweekendor—”
“No.Givemeyouraddress.I’llgettoyou.”
Reliefinhervoice,shegaveittohim,alongwiththecodetopunchinthekeypadathergateandher

door.Thefirstflightprobablywouldn’tleaveoutuntilfiveinthemorning,andhecouldbetherebythen
ifhedrove.“Trytogetsomesleep,”hetoldher,“andI’llbetherewhenyouwakeup.”

“Thankyou,”shesaidafteramoment,buthewonderedifatfirstshewantedtosaysomethingelse.
Theideaofwhatthatsomethingelsemighthavebeenwouldkeephimupforthenextfivehours,easy.

Heprobablywouldn’thavebeenabletosleepanywayknowingshewasdistressed.

Interstate10waslong,dark,andlonely,thoughinnowaydeserted.He’dthrownabaginthebackseat

ofhistruckwithenoughclothesforafewdays,thoughhehadnoideahowlonghewouldbegone.And
thenhewaseatingupthethreehundredandfiftymilesbetweenHoustonandNewOrleans,withnothing
todobutplaymusicatear-splittinglevels,chugcoffee,andthinkabouther.Thetownstickedby:
Beaumont,LakeCharles,Lafayette.ThentheAtchafalayaBasinBridge,spanningalmosttwentymilesof

wetlandsandswamps.

He’dmadethisdriveacoupleoftimesbeforewhileheadingtoDestin,Florida.Thatroutebypassed

NewOrleans,though—I-12takingoverthepassagethroughLouisianainBatonRougewhileI-10dipped
downtotheBigEasy.SoonceheleftBatonRougeinhisrearviewmirror,hewasinunfamiliarterritory.
Andhecouldn’twaittoseewhereSavannahlived,whereshelikedtogo,whatshelikedtodo,allthe
thingshe’dwonderedaboutbutseemedimpossibletodiscoverwhiletheyhadsippedcoffeeattheCafé
DuMondealifetimeago.Hecouldn’twaittoseealittlepieceofherlifethewayshe’dglimpsedalittle
pieceofhis.

Atlonglast,hewaseasingthroughthehistoricNewOrleansstreets,followinghisGPSdirectionsto

whereSavannahhadtoldhimtopark.Itwasn’tquitefive

A. M.

,butcitiesneverslept.

Hewonderedifshehadevermanagedto.

“Tommy?”

“Hey,littlesister.”
“Isitwrong?”
“Iswhatwrong?”
“IthinkImightlovehim.”
“Can’thelpwhowelove.”
“Wecanchoosewhetherornottobewiththem.”
“Well,thenchoose.”
“Don’tleave.”
“I’malwaysaround...”
Itwasastrangeone,asdreamswent—shecouldn’tseeherbrother,couldn’tseetheirsurroundings,

onlyknewhewasthere.Hermindconjuredhisvoicefromthedepthsofhermemoryasplainlyasif
they’dspokenadayagoinsteadofmonths.

Sheshiftedrestlesslyinhersleep,andasagentleweightsqueezedherupperarmandamalevoice

whisperedhername,shewokewithastart.“Michael?”

“I’mhere.”
Savannahreachedforhim,andhisweightcamedownonthebedbesideherinthedarkness.Hard,

warm,reassuring.God,shehadn’trealizedhowmuchshe’dmissedhisarmsaroundher,andithadonly
beenafewdays.Hischinnestledintoherhair,hislipspressingagainstherhead.Sheclosedhereyes,
absorbedhisstrength,andfellrightbacktosleepwithinsecondswhileheheldher.

Afewtimesshewokeafraidshe’ddreamedhimthere,onlytofindhimsleepingbesideher,stillinhis

clothes.Thenexttimehereyesopened,graydawnbloomedoutsideherbedroomwindow,showingher
hisface.Hardlines,softcurves,allsopeacefulinsleep.Ifonlywecouldbringthatpeacebackwithus
whenwewakeup,shethought,andsnuggledagainsthimtotrytofindherownagain,howeverbriefit
mightbe.

He’ddrivenallnighttoreachherwhenheknewsheneededhim.Shedoubtedtherewasevenone

otherpersoninherlifewhowouldhavedonesuchathing.

“Youokay?”hemurmuredsleepily,hisarmsgoingaroundheragain—atsomepointintheirsleep,

they’dlosttheirgripsoneachother.

“Amnow,”shewhispered.Hisfulllipscurvedinatraceofasmile,andthenhewasoutagain.

Savannahwanteddesperatelytokissthoselips,butnodoubthewasimpossiblytired.Sheshouldhave
triedhardertotalkhimoutofmakingthattrip,butifshehad,shewouldn’thavethis.

Andthis...thiswasdivine.
Sheetsofrainbeganpatteringherwindow.Shedozedagainbriefly,butitwashernaturalwakingtime

andherinternalclockwouldn’tallowhermuchmoresleep.Luckily,shehadnoappointmentsuntillater
thismorning,butshemightbeabletogetoneoftheotherstocoverthose.Ifnot,shewouldjusthavetogo
in,thoughthethoughtofleavinghimwasalmostunbearablenowthathewashere.Shewantedtolieall
dayintheshelterofthesepowerfularmsandnothavetofacetheworld.

Hislashesflutteredagainsthischeeks,andshewonderedwhathewasdreamingabout,whatthose

intenseeyeswereseeingbehindhisclosedeyelids.HerdreamaboutTommycamebacktoher...
casuallytellinghertochoosewiththewryhumorhe’dalwayshadinhisvoice,asifhehadnotacarein
theworld.

Howcouldsheeverchooseanythingbutthis?
ThenherminddriftedtoRowanwakingupinanemptybedthismorning,probablyhangingovera

toiletwithmorningsickness.Andherfacelastnight...

Savannahrolledontoherback,breathinghard,ahandtohermouth.Howdareshefindcomfortwhen

therewasnonetobehadforTommy’swife,hersister,herbestfriend?

“Savannah?”Mike’svoicewassleeproughenedbutsharp,hiseyesheavyliddedbutwideawake.He

roseuponhiselbowbesideher,searchingherstrickenfacewithbothgazeandgentlefingertips.

“I’mfine,”shesaid,reflextakingoverasshescuttledfromhistouchandthenfromthebed.“Justgive

meaminute.”Makingabeelineforherlittlebathroom,sheshutthedoorandsatontheedgeofherclaw-
foottub,sobbingquietlyintoherhand.

Thishadallbeenahorriblemistake.Shewassofuckingconfusedshehadnobusinessmakingany

decisionsforherself.Nowshe’dbroughtawonderfulmanfromhisbedtodrivefivehoursovernightto
gettoher,andshe’djustrunfromhimasifhehadtheplaguewhenhehadn’tdoneafuckingthingto
deserveit.

Getittogether,hermindscreamedather,butherheartstillbeatagonythroughherveins.
Minutestickedby,andshetried,shereallydid.Shesplashedcoldwateronherface,washedthetears

away.Triedtoplasteronasmileforherreflection,buteventoheritlookedfake.

“Okay,I’vegivenyouaminute,”Mikesaidfromoutsideherdoor,andshewonderedhowlonghehad

beenstandingthere.“Talktome,Savannah.”

ItremindedheroftellingRowanabouthimthroughthecloseddressingroomdoorattheGalleria.

Somehowithadmadeiteasiertosaydifficultwords.Notthistime.Sheneededhimasmuchasshe
wantedtorunfromhim.

Sighing,shepulledthedooropen,noteventryingonherfakesmileforhim;hewouldseeright

throughit.

Hestoodwithonearmbracedonthedoorframe,headloweredslightlybuteyestraineddirectlyon

hers.Hisverypresenceeclipsedherbedroom.“ShouldInothavecome?”

“I’mgladyoudid,”shesaid,soundingsmall.“Ijust...lastnight...andthinkingabouthowhurtshe

stillis...”

“Igetit.”
“HowisitthatIdeservethis?Deserveyou?”Andhowdamnlongwouldheputupwithhererratic

emotions?

“Shit,youdeservesomeoneahellofalotbetterthanme.IfIweren’tsofuckingselfishIwouldleave

youalonesoyoucouldfindhim.”

“You’reoneoftheleastselfishpeopleIthinkI’veevermet.Imean...you’rehere.”
“WhenIshouldn’tbe.IshouldbegettinguptohitthegymwithJonbutIdon’tcare.”

Herheart,rattlingaroundsomewherearoundherfeet,liftedabitwhenhesaidthat.Maybehereally

wasmovingawayfromthatlife,theonethatshedidn’tthinkshecouldeverbeapartofagain.Especially
now,hearinghowdamneasyitwasforanoldinjurytospellafighter’sdemise.Itamazedheritwasso
rare.

AndittookhermindbacktoRowan.She’dfalleninlove,plannedforforever.Countedonit...only

tohave“forever”withTommycutbrutallyshort.

Whataprecious,fragilethingitwastohaveMikeinfrontofherrightnow.Reachingupforhisface,

shefelttheraspofhisstubbleagainstherpalms,marvelingthathewasrealandhewashere.Hardblue
eyesboredintohers,warmingastheystrippedthroughherlayersofanguishtoseekadepthinsidehershe
hadn’tknownexisted.Thenhismouthfoundherswhilethunderrumbledthroughtheskiesoverhead.There
wassomuchshewantedtoshowhimnowthathewaswithher,butatthemomenttherewasonlytimefor
thefeelofhimagainsther,ofhismouthmovingslowlyoverhers,questingforentrance.Shegaveit
eagerly,standingontiptoestoreachhim.Shelovedhowsmallhemadeher.

“Fuckingmissedyou,”hegrowledagainstherlips,andshewhimperedashisbighandscreptaround

tocupherasscheeksandsqueezeheragainsthisgroin.Sheclimbedhim,liftingherlegstowraparound
hisnarrowwaist,herhandstuggingatbackofhissnugblackT-shirttogettothehotbareskinunderneath.
Needinghimnaked,needinghimbetweenherthighsmakingherforgetallthebullshitinherlife.

“Youknow,”hemurmured,depositingheronthemattressamidherrumpledwhitesheets,“Iwantedto

wakeyouupwithmymouthbetweenherlegs.”

“Oh,God,whydidn’tyou?”
“Youseemedalittleemotionallyfragilelastnight.Youseemthatwaynow,too.”
“That’sadamngoodreasontogetyourmouthbetweenmylegs,”sheinsisted,strippinghisshirtoff

nowthatshehadroomtodoso.

Hegrinned,goddamngorgeousinthegraymorninglightwithhisshadowedjaw,chiseledbody,and

thatmouththatwasmeremomentsawayfromdrivingherwild.Here.Now.Inherbedroom.He’dcome
toher.Itwasalmosttoomuchtobelieve.

Raisinguponhisknees,hetoreathisjeanswithoutlookingawayfromherface.She’dyettotouch

himbutshecouldseethehardridgeofhiscockthroughthedenim.Whenheshovedhisjeansawayand
shewrappedherhandsaroundhim,remembrancesurgedthroughherbelly.Shecouldalmostfeelhim
insideherbeforeshegothimthere,thick,stretching.AndJesus,thoseobliques,pointingstraightto
paradise.

Savannahsatuptogivehimafewlovingsweepsofhertongue,buthedidn’tletherlingerlong.She

foundherselfpushedbackdownwithimpossiblestrength,andheheldhertherewhilehisotherhandtore
herpantiesdownherbarelegs.Shewentliquidwithaneedsoacutethatshesqueezedherthighstogether
againsttheache.Michaelonlywrenchedthemapartasshegaspedandsquirmed,whimperingand
clenchingherfistsashetookalong,hungrylookathermostintimateplace.

“You,”hebreathed,slidingonehanduptheinsideofherleftthigh,“youareheaven.”Andhedipped

downtotaste,onelonglickafteranother,loopinghisarmaroundherthighandholdingheropenwithhis
thumbandindexfinger.Oh,God,thepleasureofitwastoosharp,shewastoosensitive,buteverymove
shemadetoblunthisassaultonhersenseswasthwarted.Andshelovedit,shovingbothherhands
throughhisshorthairandpullinguplittletuftsofitbetweenherfingers.

“I’mgoingtocome,”shewarned,onlyincasehedidn’twantherto,incasehewantedtofeelher

ripplearoundhisthrustingcock.Thensheprettymuchrealizedno,thatwaswhatshewanted.“Fuckme,
Michael,doitnow,please...”

Hecrawledupthelengthofherwhilesheshiveredandpantedandputherarmsaroundhim.

“Condomsareinthebagacrosstheroom,”hesaid,butsheheardaquestionthere.

“It’sokay,it’sokay—”She’dbarelygottentherepetitionoutbeforehenestledatherentrance,teased

hermercilessly,andpushedhimselfsodeepanembarrassingwailrentfromherthroat.Nobarrier
betweenthemtoblunttheheatandfrictionofhisentry.Alreadycaughtontheprecipiceasshewas,itsent
herover,andshebuckedherhipsagainsthimtosqueezeeverydropofpleasureshecouldfromhis
intrusionwhilehegroundoutcursesthatpracticallymadeherblushinthemiddleofanorgasm.Andfor
somecrazydamnreason,madeherapologizeoverandoverwhilehechuckledinherear.

JesusChrist.Onethrust.Shewaspatheticforhim.
“Ohhell,no.Don’tbesorry.Neverbesorry,”hewhisperedagainstherear.Slowly,hepulledfrom

heralmosttothetipandpushedbackin,thesilkyslidealongherhypersensitivefleshalmostmorethan
shecouldtake.Hewasalmostmorethanshecouldtake.Sheclutchedhelplesslyathim,tearssqueezing
fromhereyes.Notsadtears.IjustcamesohardIpulledsomethingtears.Maybehewouldn’tseethem,
thoughheprobablyfeltthemastheytrickledoverhertemplesintohisskin.Ifhedid,hemadenomention.

Heonlymadelovetoherlikehewastryingtoleavepartofhimselfinsideher,withhishandsand

kissesandwordsasintimateandpassionateashisleisurely,rollingthrustsintoherbody.Deep,sodeep.
She’dbeenneedingthisassoonasshe’dlefthim.Hecurledhisfingersthroughtheironlatticeofher
headboardwhileshecurledhersintohisfirmass,feelingthebunchandreleaseofmuscleandtherising
surgeofpleasurehestokedwitheverymovement.Forhimtomakehercomeagainafterthefirstone
wouldprovehewasamiracleworkerindeed,butdamnifitwasn’thappening.Andthesqueakingofher
bed,alwaysanannoyancebefore,hadneverplayedsuchanerotictune.Somethingelseforherto
rememberoncehewasgone.

“Ifyoudon’twantit,”hegrowledinherear,thrustssharpening,“tellmenow.”
Savannahlockedherlegsaroundhim.Hewasn’tgoinganywhere.“Iwantit,oh,God!”shepantedas

herentireworldconstrictedtowhereheclaimedher.Hishandsleftherheadboardtofindherown,his
fingerslacingthroughhers,grippinghardenoughtocrackherbonesasshecriedoutinunisonwithhim.
Theirmouthsfusedashepushedtothehiltandthrobbedinsideher,holdingdeepwhilehecame,filling
herwithhiswarmthandpullingherwithhimaseverymuscleinherbodytightenedatthepleasuretearing
throughher.Itleftherasobbing,tremblingmess,leftherfloatingwithoutasinglethoughtorworryinher
headashekissedhergentlybackdowntoearth.

Sinceshestillworehernightshirt,hepusheditupherbodytobareherbreastsandlavishattentionon

them,hernipplesstillhardfromthatsoul-wreckingexplosion.Still,shecravedhismouthonthem,
sucking,licking,soothing.Shecravedthatmouthonhereverywhere.

“Iseeyourheartbeating,”hemurmured,andshelookedtoseehisgazelockedontheflutteringpulse

inherthroat.Heleanedintohungrilykissherthere,sendingshiversthroughherentirebody.God,she
couldfallinlovewithhim.Hell,hadshenotalreadydoneso,atleastalittle?She’dneverletanother
mancomeinsideher,notevenwhenshewasincommittedrelationships,despitebeingonbirthcontrol
sinceshewaseighteen.Whytheleveloftrustandaffectionherewassooffthechartsthatshewanted
everypartofhim,shecouldn’tfathom.

Shefelthisheartbeatingaswellinthewayhischestwaspressedtohers.Maybeitwasastupid

romanticnotion,butshethoughttheyalmostbeatthesamerhythm.

Slowly,shewasabletorelaxhergriponhim,notmindingatallwhenhetookhisnewfreedomtorain

kissesallthewaydownherstomach.

“Gonnafindthisfuckinghearttoday,”hemuttered,andsheburstoutlaughing,slidingahanddownher

face.Hewasstilldeterminedtolocateherlastelusivehearttattoo.

“Youknow,”sheconfessed,“itwassortofathingIdidtodeterminewhoIwasgoingtomarry.Justto

warnyou.”

Hisheadraised,butiftherewasanyalarminhimatall,hedidn’tshowit.“Oh,yeah?”
“Iwasalittledrunk.Andheartbroken.It’sprobablystupid.ButIthought,ifsomeonecanfindallfour

ofthem,thenhewouldknoweveryinchofme.”

Mike’shandstrokedastrandofhairawayfromthecornerofhereyes.“I’llneverunderstandhow

anyonecouldbreakyourheart.”

Youcould,shethought,butcouldn’tbringherselftosayit.Becausehemighttrytodenyit...andhe

wouldbelying.“Yes,well...hedid.”

“Didyouwanttomarryhim?”
“IthoughtIdidatthetime.”
“Howlongagowasthis?”
“Fouryears.”
“Prettyyoungtowanttogetmarried.”
“Iguess.”Nowthatitwasalloveranddonewith,shecouldlookbackonthefondmemoriesGrant

hadleftherwith,memoriesthatweren’tsoeclipsedbytheoutrageoffindingoutherboyfriendwas
cheatingonherwithoneofherfriends.ItwasoneinstanceshecouldthinkofwhenTommyhadwantedto
stepinandkicksomeone’sassonherbehalf.She’dmanagedtoreinhimin;Tommyprobablywouldhave
putGrantinthehospital.“Iguessthatwasmymostseriousrelationship.Whataboutyou?Evercome
close?”

Heeasedupbesideherandlaydown,lettinghersnuggleintohischestashewrappedanarmaround

her.“No.Notatall.Icometoyoufreeofex-wivesorpsychoticex-girlfriends.”

Savannahgrinned,tracingthelineofoneofhischesttattoos.“WhataboutthefriendwithbenefitsI

sawyouwithattheconcert?Shedoesn’thaveaclaim?Orthinkshedoes?”

“Hellno,”hesaidsoquicklyshelaughed.“Thatwas...thatwasjust...prettymuchwhatyousaid.

Friendswithbenefits.Ihadn’tseenherinweeksbeforethatnight.Istillhatethatyousawherthere.”

“It’sallright.Shewashot,Igottahandittoyou.”
“You’rehot.”
She’dbeentoldthatbeforeand,dependingonhermood,evenbelievedit,butsomehowshewasable

tobelieveitalittlebitmorewhenhesaidit.

Itwasallverydisturbing.
“Youknow,”shesaid,grabbingdesperatelyforachangeofsubject,“I’mnotexactlyoffworktoday.I

couldbe,butIneedtogetupandmakesomephonecalls.”

“Idon’twanttokeepyoufromwork.Yougoifyouneedto,babe.Icanentertainmyself.”Hekissed

herforehead,immediatelymakingherwanttodonothingbutstayinbedwithhimalldaywhiletherain
pattereddownandthunderrattledherwindows.

Buttherewerethingstodo.“Letmegofindout,”shesaid,liftingherheadtogivehimseveral

smoochesbeforeslippingaway.Shehadtostopatthedoor,though,andcastoneglanceback.

Damn,helookedgoodinherbed,thewhitesheetwrappedaroundhisnarrowhips,hisshreddedarms

poppingandabsripplingashelacedhishandsbehindhisheadandgrinnedather.Heknowshelooks
goodinmybed,shethought.“Ohlook,”shesaid,graspingOscaroffherdresserandtossingthebearto
him.“Sayhitoyourfriend.Hemissedyoutoo.”

“OscartheNinth!”Helaughed,catchingOscareasily.“Youhaven’tbeendoingyourjobkeepingher

happy,dude.”

Shegiggled.Nowthesceneinherbedwasreallycomplete:asexynakedmanholdingateddybear.

Beforesheendedupattackinghimagain,sheblewhimakissandreluctantlytorehergazeaway.

Savannahwasn’tonetomissworkwithoutgoodreason,sotherewerefewquestionswhenshe

claimedabadnightandlackofsleep—itwasthetruth,andhercoworkersknewshe’dbeenhavingahard
time.Tashawasmorethanhappytotakeoneofherappointments,andshedelegatedacoupleofothersto
anewertherapistwhowasworkingtobuildherclientele.Savannah’swasburgeoning;shecouldafford
toshare.Itlookedlikeshewouldgetherdayoffafterall.

Feelinglighterthanshehadindays,sheputcoffeeonandsurveyedherfridgeforsomethingshecould

makeforbreakfast.Ifhewashittingthegymhard,hemostlikelywantedcopiousamountsofprotein.She
hadeggsandveggies,soshecouldprobablymakeasuitableomelet.

“Ismellthat,”hecalledfromherbedroomafterthecoffeehadbeenbrewingforafewminutes.
“Interested?”shecalledback.
“Very.”
Andsotheyfoundthemselveseatingomeletsanddrinkingcoffeeinbed,watchingthemorningnews

onherlittleTVacrosstheroom.Rainlikelyallday,theforecastsaid.Toher,itsoundedlikeheaven.
Sittingcross-leggedinhernightshirtwithfuzzythigh-highsockson(Mikehadlaughinglytoldherthose
weresexyashell),Savannahleanedovertofeedhimabiteoffherforkafterdaringhimhecouldn’ttake
theheatoftheliberalamountofCajunhotsauceshe’dpouredoverhers.Poorguy,he’dcalledheronit,
andnowhewasgoingtosuffer.

“Goddamn,woman,whatisthatshit?Fuckingjetfuel?”
Shetossedherheadbackandlaughedashesuckedinairlikeamannearsuffocation.“Toldyayou

couldn’ttakeit.”

Hescrubbedathislipsandcoughed,thebigtoughguy.“Ididn’tknowyouwereliterallytryingto

poisonme.”

Swallowingahugebiteandsmilingathim,shepointedathimwithherfork.“Youwouldn’tlastfive

minutesatdinnerwithmyfamily.You’dbesweatingandpouringicewaterdirectlydownyourthroat.
Andthatwouldonlymakeitworse.”

“Seriously,whatisthat?Ghostpepper?”
“Habanero,youweenie.”
“Allright.I’vebeeneffectivelyemasculated.”Hecringed.“Jesus,it’sgettingworse.”
Laughing,shetookmercyonhim.“Doyouwantsomemilk?Itmighthelp.”
“No,”hesaidmiserably,lyingbackonhispillow.Thenhewrithedagain.“Motherfucker,Savannah.

Howdoyouhaveanytastebudsleft?”

“Iprobablydon’t,that’swhyIneedit.Hangon.”Shelefthimsweatingitouttogetaglassofmilkand

asliceofbreadfromthekitchen,bothofwhichheconsumedinrecordtime.“Stickwithmeand
eventuallyyou’llhaveaflame-retardantthroattoo,”shetoldhimashebegantosettledownsomewhat.

“Don’tcomenearmeeveragain,”hesaidwithmockanger,andshecouldonlylaughharder.She

wouldn’ttellhimthestoryabouteatingspicycrawfishwiththeaforementionedboyfriendand,not
thinking,laterindulginginalittleoralactivityafterwhichshespenttherestofthenightsittinginatubfull
ofcoldwaterneartears.Itmightgivehimideasforrevenge,andhotsaucedidn’tonlyburnthemouth.

“It’slikeSatanhimselfstuckhisfuckingdickdownmythroat.”
Thatonlysetheroffagain,whichmadeherfeelbadwhenhesentherawitheringlook.Suddenly,

though,shehadanideatomakeituptohim.Leaningovertograbherfavoritelotionoffhernightstand,
shesmackedhimonhisthigh.“Rollover,sissyboy.”

Thesuspiciousside-eyehesentherwaslegendary.“Whatthefuckareyougoingtodotomenow?”
“IguessI’llhavetogotoworkafterall.Itwon’thelpyourmouth,butIbetyou’lllikeitanyway.”
Grumblingalittle,hedidassheasked,andshecrawledoverhimtostraddlehistightbutt.He

chuckled,andsherelishedthesightofhisgrin—whatshecouldseeofit.Onlyhisprofilewasvisibleto
her.

Savannahslickedherhandsupanddroppedthemtohisback,lettingthemsinkintohismusclesasthe

breathwhooshedfromhimonagroan.Shepracticallyfelthimrelaxassheexplored,kneading,testing.
Marvelingatthegorgeousexpanseofflesh,forsomereasonshethoughtabouttheinkonhischest:the
grimreapergrinningwithabloodysmile.“I’mkindofsurprisedyoudecidedonyourchestpiece,after
whathappenedwithyourmom,”shesaidsoftlyasherhandsworked.

“It’snotasifIneedareminder,”hesaid,hisvoicealreadyabitdrowsy.“ButIwanteditanyway.To

alwaysrememberwhereIcamefrom.”

“IguessIcanseethat.”
Hewassilentamoment.“DoyouliketheRockymovies?”
“Whodoesn’t?”
“Damn.Agirlaftermyownheart.Anyway,youknowhowinRockyIII,MicktellsRockytheworst

thinghappenedtohimthatcouldhappentoanyfighter?”

“‘Yougotcivilized,’”SavannahgrowledinherbestBurgessMeredith...whichwasn’tverygood,

butstillitgotalaughfromMike.

“Yeah.Ifthere’sonedamnthingI’vetriedtodo,evenwiththevictoriesandthemoneyandthe

recognition,it’stostayasuncivilizedasIcan.Iguessthatinkwaspartofit.AndIstillownthehousemy
brothersandIgrewupin.IgotherewheneverIneedarealitycheck.”

“Wow,”shesaid,pausingaminuteinhertask.“Thatsurprisesme.”
“Mybrothersdon’tgetiteither.They’dliketostrikeamatchtoit,justtoknowit’snotintheworld

anymore.”

“ThatIcouldunderstand.”
“Justoneofthosethings.”
“Hmm.”Sherubbedataspotoftightnessinhislefttrapezius,uncoveringatriggerpoint.“Youhave

sometroublehere,don’tyou?”

“Yeah,alot.Damn,Savannah.It’slikeyouhaveweightsinyourhands.It’samazing.”
Shegrinnedatthecomplimenttoherskills.Hewassuchapleasuretotouch.Itwasn’teverydayshe

hadabodywiththiskindofdefinitiontoworkon.“Thisisn’tevendeeppressure.Youwantitdeep,
baby?”

“I’mnotreallysure.”Thesoundhemadestartedasalaughbutshiftedtoagroanasshepressed

deeper.

“Justtowarnyou,I’llexpectpaymentforservicesrendered.”
“Oh,yeah?I’vegotatipforyou.”
“Ineedmorethanatip.”
“I’msureIcanmanagethattoo.Yourhandsaremagic.BestI’veeverhad.”
“Youcandeterminethatafterjustacoupleofminutes?”
“ThesefewminuteshavebeenbetterthanthewholesixtyIusuallyget.”
“Well,thankyou.Ithinkmaybeyou’reabitbiased,though.Andit’snotlikeyou’dtellmeifIsucked.”

Withboththumbs,shepushedapathalonghislevatorscapulae,feelingthetensiondrainfromhim,tension
heprobablydidn’tevenrealizehecarried.Itgaveheralittleglowofjoy.

“Youmostdefinitelydonotsuck.MightneedyouaroundthosemorningsIcanbarelymove.”
Hisfightingwasgoingtotakeitstollonhisbodysomeday.Itprobablyalreadyhad.Shefrownedat

thethought,thinkingshe’dliketogethimonhertablesometime.Hecouldn’tgetthefullbenefitwithout
herbeingabletogoinfromdifferentangles.Fornow,sheconcentratedonhistensespots,feelingthe

satisfactionofthemgivingunderherpracticedfingers.Hefellsilent,hisbreathingslow,deep,and
hypnoticassheworked.Afterawhile,sheleaneddowntolookintohisface,andfoundhewassound
asleep.

ChapterNineteen

Arumbleofthunderwokehim,andwhenheopenedhiseyesitwastogazeatablurry,unfamiliardrywall
ceiling.Forasecond,hecouldn’tfigureoutwherethehellhewas,andtheneverythingcamebackina
rush.Thespontaneousovernightroadtrip,andSavannah.AndSavannah,andSavannah.

Turninghishead,hefoundherdozingbesidehim,onedaintyhandcurledunderherdelicatecheek.

Butdamn,thosedaintyhandsweredeceptive,weren’tthey?They’dworkedkinksoutofhismuscleshe
hadn’trealizedwerethere.Checkinghiswatch,hesawitwasafternoon.Hehadn’tmeanttogoouton
herlikethat,butafterthedrive—andthesex,Godthesex—he’dbeenzonked.

Shelookedtoopeacefultodisturb,herimpossiblylongeyelashesrestingonhersmoothcheeks,her

sweetlipsslightlypartedwithherslow,slumberousbreath.

Funny,smart,caring,passionate...hecouldn’thavedreamedupamoreperfectwoman,couldn’t

believesheactuallyexistedandthatshewantedtohaveshittodowithhim.Shetalkedaboutdeserving,
butfuck,shecoulddosomuchbetter.Someonewhowouldn’tripherfamilyapart.Someonestableand
withoutacareerthatwouldforcehertoliveinfear.Hetoldhimselfthisallthetime;itwaslikealoopin
hishead,buthestillcouldn’tseemtostayaway.

Maybehecouldgiveitallupforher.Maybe.Hedidn’tknow.Whenhereallystartedtoitchfora

fight,heneededit.Itwasn’tjustsomethinghedid.Afteralltheseyears,itwasapartofwhohewas,it
wastheanswertoanyproblemshehad,theonlywaytosoothethesavagebeastwithinthatroaredtobe
setloose.

Butmaybehe’dfoundanotherway.Atouchfromthewomanlyingnexttohimandhewasasdocileas

akitten.

Asifshesensedhimlookingather,sheopenedherbrowneyesandasmilecurvedherlips.“You

looklikeyou’rethinkinghardaboutsomething,”shesaidsleepily,thenengagedinalongstretchthatdrew
hisattentiontothewayhershirtpulledtightoverherbreastsandhernipplespokedagainstthefabric.He
slidhishandacrossthem,interruptingher,andshelaughed,flatteningtothemattressagain.

“Thinkingaboutyou,”hesaid.
“Well,I’mrighthere.”
“Yeah,Ilikethataboutyou.”
Savannahrolledtowardhimandtuggedthesheetawayfromhiships,leaningovertokissapathdown

hisabstowherehiscockbegantotwitchininterest.Hegroaned,puttingahandtohersoftdarkhair,
lovingthefeelofitticklinghisskinasshewentdownonhim,suckinghimtoraptattention.Whenhe
stoodhardandready,shestraddledhim,stillwearinghergraynightshirtandthosefunnythigh-highsocks,
andguidedhimtothewarm,wetentrancehiddenfromhisview.

Hisfuckingsoullefthisbodyashertightheatswallowedhimwhole,herheadfallingbackinshared

ecstasy,hisfingersclutchingherthighssohardithadtohurt.Hereachedtheendofheranditstillwasn’t
enough;hewantedmore.Moreofherbody,moreofherlife,moreofher.

“Yessss,”shewhispered,beginningtomoveinsensualundulationsthatlethimfeeleverypartofher.

Allhehadtodowasliebackandwatchthebeautyofherseekingherpleasurefromhim,findingit,taking
it.

Andwhentheylaysidebysidesweatingintheafterglow,sheliftedherlefthandtoherface...and

hecaughtaglimpseofit.

Herfourthlittlepinkhearttattoowasontheoutsideofherleftringfinger,rightwhereaweddingring

mightcoveritup.

Mikedidn’tknowhowhe’dmisseditbefore,butseeingitmadehismouthrundry.Itwassortofa

thingIdidtodeterminewhoIwasgoingtomarry.

Shewouldprobablyfreakthefuckoutifheletherknowhe’dseenit,soheclampeddownonthe

wordsandletthemomentgo.Imagineawomanlikeherwantingtolinkherlifetoaguylikehim.Of
course,itwasonlyasillygamesheplayed,butstill,itcastabroodingpalloverhimthathedidn’t
understand.

“Areyouokay?”sheaskedlater,whenthey’dbothreluctantlyrolledoutofbedandsoughtmore

sustenanceinherkitchen.Helikedherlittleapartment;itwaswarmandcozyandfeminineand...her.
Thoughhefoundhiseyedrawntoooftentothefamilyportraithangingonherlivingroomwall—Tommy
withallthepeoplewhostillmournedhim.

“Yeah,”hesaid,goingforareassuringsmileandwonderingifhequitemanagedit.Savannahtossed

himanappletogoalongwiththesandwichesthey’dputtogether.

“Looksliketherainletupalittle,”sheobserved,leaningovertogazeoutherkitchenwindow.“Do

youwanttogoforawalkorsomething?”

Hitbitintotheapple,chewingslowlyforaminuteasheconsideredhisnextwords.“Thereis

somethingI’dliketodo,”hesaidafterswallowing,“butI’mnotsurehowyou’llfeelaboutit.”

Sheturnedfromherwindow,lovelybutgrimfaced,hertousleddarkhairfallingoveroneshoulder.

“YouwanttogovisitTommy,don’tyou?”

“Yeah,”hesaid,absentlyturningthefruitaroundinhishandswhilehemonitoredherexpression.“But

it’suptoyou,ofcourse.”

“IthinkIwouldlikethat,”shesaidsoftlyafteramoment.Andshesmiled,alittlesad,butsweetall

thesame.“I’dlikethatalot.”

Often,soonafterhismother’sdeath,Mikehadgoneouttohergravetocryortorageatherortojustsitin
silenceandwonderwhatthefuckitwasallfor.Allthepain,alltheunfairness.Soonenoughhe’dgiven
thatupwhenherealizeditwasn’tforshit,thateverybodyendedupanotherstoneinthegroundlike
countlessothers,andallanyonehadcontroloverwasthetimetheyhadleft.

Beingatthecemeteryagain,atSavannah’sside,broughtbackthehorribledayofTommy’sfuneralina

rush,andhefeltabluntedsenseofthehelplessnesshe’dexperiencedthatday.Hehatedit,butatleasthe
wasgoingtofinallygetwhathe’dcomeherefor.Toseeupclosethefinalrestingplaceofthemanhe’d
putthere.

“Theysealthetombsupafteraburial,”Savannahexplainedquietlyastheynavigatedthemazelike

pathways.“There’saplaquewithallthenamesofourfamilymembersburiedthere.Itgoesbackwell
overahundredyears.”

“Isthatalittleunsettling?”heasked,takingherhand.Theairwasthickandhumidunderadensegray

sky,mistsofrainstillfallingintermittently.Savannahcarriedanumbrellainherotherhandbutdidn’t
haveitopen.She’dpulledherlonghairthroughthebackofabaseballcap,claimingitwassofrizz-prone
shewouldlooklikeapoodleafterbeingoutinthedamp.“Imean,knowingyou’llbetheresomeday.I
knowalotofpeoplebuytheirplotsearly,but...”

Sheshrugged.“It’skindofcomforting,actually,atleasttome.”
“IguessIcanseethattoo,”hesaidthoughtfully.Thatway,atleastyouknewwhereyouweregoingto

endup.Whereyoueventuallybelonged.

Theyturnedacorner—theveryoneherememberedhoveringbywithZanewhenhewaswatchingthe

servicefromafarandfirstsawherandRowanbreakawayfromtheothers.Astheydidsoandthetomb
cameintoview,heandSavannahfrozeinmidstepunison.

Twowomenstoodinfrontofit,onetallandslenderwithdarkhair,theotherpetiteandblond.Like

someterriblesenseofdéjàvu.Theblonde’shandwasontheplaque,herheadbowed,hershoulders
shuddering.

“Oh,shit,”Savannahmutteredathisside.“That’sRowanandmymother.”
“Okay,”hesaidcalmly.“Whatdoyouwanttodo?”
Herhandflexedinhisgrip.Shelookeduncertainlybackthewaythey’dcome,thenbackatthe

women.Theflowersattheirfeetmadesplashesofsoftcolorinthedampgraymarble-and-cementworld
aroundthem.Savannah’sbottomlipquivered,andheknewshewantedtogotothem.Healsoknewthat
hewouldn’tbewelcome.

“Listen,yougo,allright?I’llgobacktothecar,”hesaid.
“Idon’twantyoutogobacktothecar.”Shealmostsoundedlikeanangrychildnotgettingherway,

butitwasthemostendearingdamnthinghe’deverheard.

“Well,then,I’mwithyou.Whateveryouwanttodo.”Maybehewouldfinallygetthatcussingor

pummelinghe’dalwaysthoughthedeserved.

Andsuddenlythedebatewasamootpoint,becauseoneofthewomencalledout,“Savannah?”
Itwashermother,hesaw,asshewasstaringintheirdirection,butRowan’sheadjerkedaroundatthe

soundandshespiedthemaswell.

Savannahdrewadeepbreath,tighteninghergriponhishand.Hewastheretofollowherlead,so

whenshebegantakingslowstepstowardthewomen,hewenttoo,steelinghisspineforwhateverthey
flungathim.

Sofar,theyweren’tflinginganything.Theyonlystaredwithopengrief,andmaybealittledisbeliefat

whattheywereseeing.

“Mom,Rowan,”Savannahsaidastheyapproached.Hermotherwasnothinglessthananolder

versionofher,litheandbeautifuldespitethelinesofgriefonherface.Shewasdressedcasuallyinjeans
andablueslicker.Rowan,well...shewasamess.ButshegrabbedSavannahinahugallthesame,and
thenhermotherembracedheraswell.“Wewantedtocome,”Savannahtoldthemsimply,andreturnedto
Mike’sside.“Wedidn’tknowyouwouldbehere.Michael,you’vemetRowan.Thisismymother,
Regina.”

Hedidn’tknowwhatthefucktodoorsay,becauseitdamnsurewasn’tnicetomeetherunderthese

circumstances,andtheonlycontactshemostlikelywantedtohavewithhimwastospitinhisface.Sohe
settledforthetruth.“IwantedtocomeandtellyourfamilyhowsorryIamforyourloss,Mrs.Dugas.”

Herslenderfingersgrippedthehandleofherumbrellasohardtheplasticcreaked.Rowanonly

sniffledandlookedaway.“Iappreciatethat,”Savannah’smothersaidatlastwithsurprisinggraciousness,
thoughhesawwhatitcosther.“We,um...wedidn’tknowyouwereintown.”Hergazeshiftedtoher
daughterasshesaidthat,consternationwrittenacrossherfeatures.IftheyhadseenSavannahlastnight
andshehadn’tmentionedhispresence,obviouslytheythoughtshe’dbeenholdingoutonthem.

“Hegotinearlythismorning,”sheexplained.“Icalledhimlate,andhedroveoverfromHouston.”
Mrs.Dugas’sfinelydrawnbrowsroseinherforehead.“That’squiteadrive,isn’tit?”
“Fivehours,ma’am.”HesharedalookwithSavannah,takingherhandagain,andforamoment

nothingexistedoutsideofthetwoofthem.“Butitwasnothing.Sheneededme.”

“Andyougotherethismorning?Youdroveallnight?”

Henodded,lookingherintheeyesashesaid,“Iwould’vewalkeditforher,ifthat’swhatittook.”
ExceptforSavannah’sslightindrawnbreath,silencesettledforseveralsecondswhilehermother

digestedthat.EvenRowanwaslookingathimoddly—actuallylookingathim,perhaps,fortheveryfirst
time.“Thankyouforbeinghereforher,then.Rowan?”Mrs.DugasreachedovertotakeRowan’sarm.
“Let’sleavethemalone.”

Rowandidn’tlookatallhappyaboutthat,butshenoddedallthesame.Then,kissingherfingertips,

shetouchedthembrieflytoTommy’snameontheplaque.MikestrokedSavannah’shandwithhisthumb
whenitseemedtotrembleinhisgrip.Hehadtoreleaseit,though,becausetheothertwowomencamein
tohughergoodbye.Thentheywereleaving,walkingoutinthedirectionMikeandSavannahhadcome,
Mrs.Dugas’sarmaroundRowan’sshoulder.

“She’snotdoingwellatall,”Savannahsaidquietlyasanothermistbegantofall.“I’msoworried

abouther.She’spregnant.Alltheseemotions,allthisstress...theycan’tbegoodforherorthebaby,
andit’sallmyfault.”

“Thisprobablydidn’thelp,”hesaidgrimly.“I’msorry.Badidea.”
“No,notabadidea.Justbadtiming.”Shelookedupathimforafewmoments,hereyes

contemplatingunderneaththebillofhercap.“Maybe...maybeZanecouldhelp,ifhereallyiswilling.I
knowIwasagainstitinitially.ButthatnightwasthehappiestI’veseenhersinceallofthishappened.”

“No,Ithinkyouwereright.Hewouldbegoodforgettinghermindoffherproblems,butherproblems

wouldonlystillbetherewhenhesplits.”

“Sheneedsafriend,though.Shedoesn’thavemany;sheneverdid.Sheneedssomeone,asidefrom

myparents.Shealwayshadme,butIcan’tbethatfriendforherrightnow.I’vehurthertoomuch.”

“I’mnotsurehowwellZwoulddowiththewholefriendthing.”
“Allright,”shesaidmiserably,scuffingatthepavementbeneaththeirfeetwiththetoeofhershoe.“It

wasjustathought.”

“Hey.”Hetippedherchinupwiththecrookofonefinger.Herbrowneyessearchedhis,

heartbreakingly,forananswer.Ifonlyhecouldgiveittoher.“Ifyouwantmeto,I’llsetitup.”

Thoseeyesdriftedtoherbrother’snameonthememorialplaque,freshlyinscribed.Sheseemedto

cometoadecision.“Tommywouldn’twantherlikethis.Hewouldn’t.Buthewouldn’twantherhurt,
either.Zanecan’thurther,or...”

“Iknow,butIcan’tpromisethat.ThelastthingyouorIneedonourconsciencerightnowisknowing

mybrothermessedwithherhead,orworse,andwesetitallinmotion.”

“Wecansetitinmotion,butwhatevershedecidestodoisonher.Samewithusall.”
“Howaboutyouaskherwhatshewants?Goseeher.Takehertolunch.Something.Whateverhis

motives,Zanewantstoseeheragain.Letherknowthat,andletherdecide.”Shedrewadeepbreath,and
hesawonherfacehowmuchthethoughtoffacingRowanalonescaredher.“Shesaidsomeprettyharsh
shittoyou,didn’tshe?”

“Yeah.Ican’tblameher,butIdon’twanttohearitagain.Iguessthatseemscowardlytosomeonelike

you.”

“No.”Heshookhishead.“Wordshitharderthanfistseverwill.”
Savannahstaredupathimassecondstickedby,thenshuffledthelastcoupleofstepstowardhim,

lettingherumbrellafallwithaclatterandputtingbotharmsaroundhim.Heheldherasherheadrestedon
hischest.“It’llbeokay,sweetheart,”hemurmured,thenturnedtolookattheornamentalstructurewhere
Tommyandhisancestorsrested.

Therearen’tmanythingsIcandoforyou,man,hethought,hopingthatwhereverhewas,Tommy

couldhearhim.ButifIhaveanythingtosayaboutit,youdon’thavetoworryaboutthisone.

TheywalkedthewetstreetsoftheFrenchQuarterhand-in-hand,wheretheweatherhaddonelittleto
chasepeopleindoors.Savannahbrightenedconsiderably,henoticed,anditbrightenedhiminturntosee
hersmile.Thisemotionalroller-coasterridewouldeventuallyendforher.Hedoubtedshehadmuchto
worryaboutanymoreinthewayofherfamilystayingangrywithher.Whathe’dseenatthecemeterywas
threepeoplereadytomoveon...maybehecouldfinallycounthimselfamongthem.

Sheinsistedongettingthebeignetsthistime.Hefought,buteventuallysubmittedtoherintimidating

stare-down,jokingthatshewasscaryandhewouldbegladtoshowheramoveortwoifsheeverwanted
tofight.

“Hell,no!”shegaspedinastonishmentastheysat.“Thethoughtofhittinganotherpersonmakesme

physicallynauseated.”

“Younevergotinanyschoolyardscraps?”heaskedwithagrin,andstuffedhismouthwithdecadent

pastryandpowderedsugar,thinkingJonwoulddisownhimbeforelong.

Sheshookherheadadamantly.“No.Never.”
“Neverfoughtsomeotherchickoveraguyor—”
“Anotherchickbeinginthepictureatallwasalwaysmycuetorun.”
“IfonlysomeofthegirlsIfoughtovercouldhavebeenassmartasyou.”
Smiling,sheleanedovertowipeawayabitofpowderedsugarfromthesideofhismouth,thenlicked

itoffthetipofherthumb,holdinghisgaze.“Ormaybeyoushouldhavebeensmartenoughnottofight
overthem.”

“Touché.”
“Still,IguessIwouldn’tobjecttoyoushowingmeahold,”shetoldhimwithawink.
“Oh,yeah?”Noticingaspeckofwhiteatthecornerofhermouth,heleanedcloserandreturnedher

earlierfavor,onlyhekissedawayhersmudgeofsugar.“I’llholdyouallnight,baby.”

“Mmm.Justdon’tmakemetapout,”shemurmuredagainsthislips.
Theywalkedmore,flirted,laughed.Kissed.Listenedtostreetmusic,shoppedintheshops.She

showedhimMarieLaveau’stombintheSaintLouisCemetery.Andsincethebeignetshadn’texactly
countedaslunch,theygrabbedsomepo’boysandwichesonthewaybacktoherapartment.

Mikehadn’tbeenontopofcheckinghiscellphoneallday.Anditwasjustasheexpectedwhenhe

pluckedthedevicefromhisbag—Jonandhistrainingpartnershadbeenblowingitup.Buttherewas
anothermissedcallthatmadehiseyebrowsdrawtogether:hismanager,BradEastman.

Itwasn’tunlikehimtocheckinoccasionally.Theyhadtomakeadecisionabouthisfutureinthe

businessatsomepoint,becausethespeculationwasstillrampant.Mikehaddisappearedfromsocial
media,frompublicappearances;he’dbasicallygoneintohiding,notgivinginterviewssincethe
immediateaftermathofTommy’sdemise.He’dhopedthattacticwouldmakethepressforgetabouthim,
butinstead,itonlywhippedthemintoafrenzywhenTommywaswhotheyshouldberemembering.

SavannahturnedontheTVwhiletheysatdownonhercouchtoeat,andhesethisphoneaside,

decidingtoenjoyhercompanyanddealwithitlater.Shewasflippingthroughthechannelswhilehetook
abiteofhissandwichwhenshepassedESPN,whereonthescreennexttotheanchorwasanimageof
FrankMeyers,currentAFheavyweightchamp,facingoffwithchallengerDavidAnderson.

“Wait,”hesaid,assheclickedpastit.“Goback.”
“Oh,sorry.”Shedidso.
“...knowtheextentofAnderson’sinjury,”theanchorwassaying,“butit’senoughforhimtopull

fromhisAFMayhemmatchwithFranklinMeyersinamonth.Meyers,however,sayshe’sreadytofight
anyone,anytime.”

ThenflashedMeyers’suglymugatapressconference,talkinghisusualrapid-firestreamofnever-

endingshittowhomeverhisnewopponentwouldbe.“Doesn’tmatterwhotheyget,iftheycanget
anyone,ifanyone’sevenready,”hesnappedintothemicrophoneinhisface.“I’lltake’emoutintwo
minutes,they’rejokes,andthey’llbehiding.Noonetrainsharder,noonehitsharder,andnoonegoesto
thegroundbetterthanme—”

“Ah,fuckthatasshole,”Mikegrumbled,goingbacktohissandwich.“Changeit,Ican’tstandtolisten

tohimtalk.”

Savannahlaughedandcontinuedinherquestforsomethingtoentertainthem,chatteringaboutshows

shelikedanddidn’t,whileMikesuddenlyfrozemid-chew.Onethoughtburnedwhitehotatthefrontof
hismind,eclipsingallelse.Fuck.Coulditbe?

Heforcedthebitedownhisthroatandjumpedtohisfeet,practicallycuttingSavannahoffinthe

middleofwhatshewassaying.“Hey,babe,givemeasecond,”hesaid,snatchinghisphoneupand
headingtoherbedroom.“Sorry,I’llberightback.”

“Okay,”shesaidaffably,poppingachipinhermouthasheclosedthedoor.
Foramoment,hesimplystoodstaringatthephoneinhishand.
TherewasprobablyareasonBradhadcalledhim.
Scrubbingahandoverhishead,hehithisnameincontactsandwaited.Itdidn’ttakelong.
“Mikey,”Bradgreetedinhisbig,boomingvoice,obviouslyonspeakerphone.Yeah.Heonlycalled

himMikeywhensomethingwasonthetable.Hecouldpicturehimnow,kickedbackinhisexecutive
chairwithhisfeetonhisdesk,hiswholekingoftheworldthinginfulleffect.“Whereyabeen?Itried
Jon,hesaidyouwereAWOL.”

“Hey,man.Decidedtogetoutoftownforafew.What’sup?”
Braddidn’tbelieveinbeatingaroundthebush.“Listenup.AndersonisoutofthetitlefightatMayhem

nextmonth.Hetorehisrotatorcuffintrainingandneedssurgery.”

“IjustsawitonTV.”
“SoIgatheryouknowwhyI’vebeentryingtoreachyou.Weneedtomakeadecision,Mike.Youcan

getthisfight.Yourname’salreadybeenthrownoutthereasapossiblereplacement—hell,son,you’re
trendingonTwitter.Withallthatbuzz,Meyersiseatingitup.It’sonlyamonthtoprepare,though.Can
youdoit?”

Ofcoursethatassholewaseatingitup.He’dprobablyhadMikeinmindwhenhemadethose

commentstothepress.Thethoughtmadehisbloodbeginaslowboil.“Ithoughtwesaidlayinglowwas
theplan,”hesaid,buthisheartwaspickingupspeed,theolditchcreepingthroughhisveins.Well,hello,
myoldfriend,hethoughtwryly,it’sbeenawhile.JesusChrist,ifanyonewasgoingtogetashotat
closingFrankMeyers’sbigfuckingmouth...

Andforthetitlethistime.
“Itstillistheplan,ifthat’swhatyouwant.I’mnotgonnasugarcoatitforyou,it’llprobablybeaPR

nightmare,andyou’llbeoffonawhirlwindofpromotionalshit.Butyoucaneitherkeephidingout,oryou
cancomebackandshowʼemwhatyou’remadeof,kid.It’suptoyou,you’retheboss.Ifyoucancome
outholdingthatbelthigh,Mike...Ithinkit’llmakeitallworthitforyou.Iknowyoucandoit,butI
needtoknowifyouknowit,andIneedtoknowtoday.”

Hestaredblindlyatthedoor,ontheothersideofwhichsatthewomanwhoseonehang-upseemedto

behischosencareer.

“It’sinMexicoCity,”Mikesaid,thinkingoutloud.Hehadn’tlethimselfgo;hewasstillingood

shape.Jon’sphilosophyof“stayreadysoyoudon’thavetogetready”foreveratplay.Butamonth...
Yeah,hewouldhavesomeworktodo.Alotofwork,ifhewasgoingtohavetimetoengageinthepromo
circusAFwoulddemand:pressconferences,interviews,shootingthecommercials,allthewhiletraining

topeakcondition,cuttingtheweightJonwanted,andthenfightingsomeonehe’dneverbeaten.Atahigh-
altitudevenue.

“Itis.Andifyouagreetoit,we’reofftoNewYorkassoonaswecancatchaplanetomeetwiththe

Reid.”BeingtheReidDowning,presidentofAttackForce.“Youknowthey’llwantapressconferenceas
soonastheinkisdry.”

Ofcoursetheywould.Shit.Washedreaming?Tothinkhe’dopenedhiseyesthismorningwitha

gorgeouswomaninhisarmsandanentiredayofnotadamnthingplanned.Hewouldn’tmindwakingup
likethateverymorningfromnowon.“Brad...Ididn’ttellyouthis,butIhadretiringheavyonmymind.”

“Mike,listen.”Therewasaclick,andthenBrad’svoicesuddenlyseemedcloser,clearer;he’dtaken

himoffthespeaker.“Thinkaboutthelongterm.Ifthat’sthewayyouwanttogoout,noonewouldblame
you.Idamnsurewouldn’t.Butyoudidn’tdoanythingwrong.There’snoreasontothrowinthetowelon
yourcareerbecauseofanaccident.Iknowyouknowthat,you’vejustgottagetitstraightinyourhead.
Now,ifyouwantmyinput,andIhopeyoudo...eithertakethisopportunitytohaveyourcomeback,
becauseyoumightnotgetabiggerorbetterchance,ortakeittoannounceyourretirementnow.Don’tdick
aroundyourfanswho’vebeenwithyoufromthestart.”

MikepickedattherumpledsheetonSavannah’sbed,stillunmadefromtheirlovemakingthismorning.

Amonth,hethought.Amonthwithouther.Andprobablyforeverwithouther,ifshedecidedshecouldn’t
dealwithhimsteppingbackinthegame.

“Butpersonally,”Bradwenton,“Isaytheironisstillhot,solet’sstrike.Let’scementyourfuture,

Mike.Trainyourassoff.Gothesefiverounds,thesetwenty-fiveminutes,withthatbig-mouthprick,see
howitfeels,andmakeyourdecisionthen.”

BecauseretiringafterathirdlosstoMeyerswouldn’tgivetheassholesomethingtogloataboutfrom

nowuntiltheendoffuckingtime.

ButIwon’tlose.Ican’tlose.Ican’tgointhinkingaboutlosing,orI’mdonebeforeIstart.Theold

adagehe’dlivedbyforyears.

“Hey,thinkaboutitifyouneedto.Iknowit’salottoswallow.ButlikeIsaid,letmeknowbeforethe

dayisout,becausethisopportunitywon’tbethereforlong.Youaren’ttheonlynameonthetable.”

“Ididn’tfigureIwas,”Miketoldhim.“I’llcallyoubackinafewhours.”
Thenhesatnumbly,staringatthehardwoodfloor,wonderingwhatthehellhewasgoingtosaytothat

sweetsmilingfaceontheothersideofthedoor.Thateverythinghe’dsaidtoheraboutretiringhadbeen
bullshitallalong?Thathe’dtakenhertobedknowinghisfightingwasherkryptonite,buthehadn’tgiven
ashit?

Herealizedhewasalreadythinkingaboutitasifthefightwerealreadyset.Onimpulse,hedialed

Jon,whoansweredwithfranticconcernoverMike’swhereaboutsandexcitementoverthenewsofhim
possiblytakingAnderson’splaceonthemaincardatMayhem.“Wegotthis,baby,”Jontoldhimwitha
fervorthatborderedonecstasy.“Thisistheonewe’vebeenwaitingfor.”

“Ihaven’tsaidyesyet,”Mikepointedout.
“I’mhereforyou.Whateveryouneed.YouwanttospendthemonthinMexicoCitytraininginthe

altitude,we’rethere.Wewon’tstop.”

“Yeah,Jon,it’samonth.AmonthwhenI’llbedoingasmuchpressastraining.Idon’tknowifit’s

enoughtime,andyeah,Iknowthat’smyownfaultforslackingoff,but—”

“I’llbewithyoueverystepoftheway.Let’sgoafterthisassholehard.Setit,Mike.Wecangetit

done.”

Therewasanawfullotofwe,we,wecomingoutofBradandJon’smouths,butMikewouldbethe

onlyoneofthemgettinghisfacekickedinfourweeksfromnow.

Ifhehadreallymadeuphismind,whywashearguingsohardagainstit?
“Allright,”hetoldhim.“Ijustwantedtoseewhatyouthoughtgivenmyconditioningrightnow.”
“Isaywe’regoodtogo.Laydownthecarbs,boy,gohaveyourmeeting,andthenwe’regettingdown

anddirty.”

Oh,God.Hehurtjustthinkingaboutit.“Seeyousoon,”hesaid,andhungup.
Hedidn’thavetocallhisbrotherstoaskwhattheythought.Theywouldbothbecheeringhimon.

Therewasonlyonepersonwhowouldn’tbe,hethought,andhecouldn’thideoutinherbedroomforever.

ChapterTwenty

Shewassurehehadn’trealizedhowthinherwallsanddoorswere.Itwasn’tthatshe’dmeantto
eavesdrop;therewassimplynowaynottohearwhathe’dbeensaying.Hisvoicewasdeep,andit
carried.

Savannahsatstaringatthehalfofhersandwichthatremaineduntouched,tryingtodealwiththesick

feelingchurninginthepitofherstomach.

TheMeyersfight.MexicoCity.Amonthfromnow.Thewordsswirledinherhead,amaelstromof

painandfearfollowingthem,chasingoutanyofthegoodfeelingshe’dgivenherthesepastfewhours.
She’dbeguntoputthepiecestogetheraftertheESPNreporthadtriggeredhisescapeintoherbedroom.

Allconversationshadendedintherenow,giventhesilence,buthewasn’tcomingout.Shegottoher

feet,feelingshakyandweak,andmovedtotheFrenchdoorsthatledontoherlittleBourbonStreet
balcony.Therewasasmallbistrotablewithacoupleofchairsoutthere,andshesattherenow,watching
thetouristsstrollthestreet.Ahorse-drawncarriageclatteredby,thepeopleinsidelaughingalongwith
theirtourguide.ProbablyheadedforastopatLafitte’sBlacksmithShopforahurricane.Shecoulduse
oneherself,hadhopedtheymightgoforonelater.

Fiveorsominutespassed,andhesteppedoutonthebalconywithher,hishandsomefeaturestightand

closedoff.Eventhosefulllipswereindrawnintoagrimline,andahard,steelydeterminationhad
seepedintohiseyes.TheMichaelwhohademergedfromherbedroomborelittleresemblancetotheman
whohadgoneintwentyminutesago.

ThismanlookedliketheonewhohadsteppedintothecagewithTommy.
Buthisdangerousexpressionsomehowdrewevenmoreattentiontothatdangerousbody,andshehad

tosuckinabreathandtearhergazeawaybeforeshebegantohyperventilatefromherracingheart.
Withoutspeaking,hepulledtheotherchairfromthetableanddroppedintoit,lacinghisfingersacrosshis
flatabsandglaringatthebuildingsacrossthestreet.

“Itakeityouheard,”hesaidfinally,whenanunbearablesilencehadstretchedout.
“Ididn’tmeanto.Mywallsarethin.”Shehatedthewayhervoicetrembled.“Whathappenedto

retiring?”

“It’satitleshot.ItoldyoufromthestartIhadn’tdecidedwhatIwasgoingtodoyet.”
“Andthisdecidedyou.”
“Well,it’saprettydamnbigincentive.ItwassomethingIneverexpectedtocomealong,especially

now.”

“It’suptoyou,though,right?Youdon’thavetotakeit.”
“No,Idon’thaveto.”
“Pleasedon’t.”
“Savannah,”hebeganpatiently—atleast,sheforcedherselftothinkhewasbeingpatient,becauseshe

wouldn’tbeabletohandlehimbeingpatronizing—“thisiswhatIdo.It’sthepathIchose,andIhaveto
thinklongterm.Itwillbeadamngoodpayday,andIhavetoplanfortherestofmylifehere,youknow?
I’mnotlikeyouoryourbrother,Iwasn’tbornwithasilverspooninmymouth,andIwon’tbeableto
climbinthecageandthrowhandswhenI’msixty.Youseefightersyearsaftertheircareersareover,
washedup,broke...thatcan’tbeme.Iwon’tletitbe.Ihavetobesmartandtakeanyopportunitiesthat

comemyway,becausetheywon’talwaysbethere.”

“Butifyougethurtorworse,whatabouttherestofyourlifethen?Ihearwhatyou’resaying,Michael,

IevenrealizethatI’mprobablybeingirrational,but...thisscaresmesomuch.Andyouknowitdoes,
andyoudon’tcare.That’swhatIcan’twrapmymindaroundrightnow.Iknowwehaven’tbeentogether
forverylong,butIthoughtwhatwashappeningheremeantsomething.”

“Itdoes.Itmeanssomuch,Savannah,youmeansomuch.”
Butthismeansmore,shethought.Itwasacrueltruthshewouldhavetolivewithifshewantedalife

withhim.Itwouldbeunreasonabletoexpecthimtothrowanentirecareerawayoverawomanhe’donly
knownacoupleofmonths.

“Whenwewereinyourkitchenthatnight,”shesaid,tracingtheironpatternsofherbistrotable,“you

toldmewehavetoseeksolacewhereverwecanfindit.Ihadthethoughtthatmysolacewasyou.Ifyou
dothis...youcan’tbemysolaceanymore.There’stoomuchhurt,toomuchgrief,tiedupinwhatyoudo.
Ican’tseethroughit.Iwouldliveinconstantfearforyou.”

“Butyoushouldn’t,baby.”Hereachedacrossthetabletoputahandoverhers.
“IknowIshouldn’t,”shesnapped,“butIwouldallthesame.”
Maybethiswasthesignshe’dneeded.Howfuckingtragicthatithadcomejustwhenshethought

thingsmightbesmoothingoutsomewhatwithherparentsandRowan.Likefatehadsteppedinandkicked
herintheheadwhileshewasstrugglingtogettoherfeet.Boom!Ha-ha,gotyou,youdumbass.Youwere
thinkingyoucouldhavehimafterall,butyoustillcan’t.

“It’sachanceI’lljusthavetotake,”hesaidatlast,glaringoutatthestreetagain.Thecloudsabove

werebreakingintoaclearblue,thewetstreetandsidewalksglisteninginthegoldenlightofearly
evening.“Theriskhasalwaysbeenthere,thesamewayit’sthereforeverybody.Iknowyouhadabad
experience,butit’ssorare,darlin’.I’mgood,andI’mcareful.”

“AndTommywasn’t?”
Thatmadehimshifthisglarefromthestreettoherface.“Thatisn’twhatImeant,andyouknowit.But

ifyouwanttogothere,no,hewasn’t.Notifhegotinthecageknowinghemighthaveaheadinjuryhe
didn’tgetcheckedoutoreitherdidn’tfuckingtellanyoneabout.Hesethimselfup,hesetmeup,forsome
badshittohappentohim,anditdid.”

Shesuckedinabreathandshotoutofthechair,butgoingbackinsidemeantsqueezingbyhim.Fora

secondshehopedhewouldgrabherandtakethoseawfulwordsback,buthedidn’t.Helethergo,andhe
didn’tfollow.Savannahfledtoherbedroom,slammedthedoor,andburstintosobssoviolentthey
gaggedher.

Well,he’dmadearoyalfuckeryoutofthat.Amerefewhoursaftervowingtoherbrotherthatshewas
takencareof,he’dsaidsomethingthatcuthertotheheart.

Maybeitwasforthebest.Thiscomingmonthwasgoingtobehellonhim;thelastthingsheneeded

wastosufferthroughitwithhim.Thepress,thespeculation,somelaudinghimforcomingbacksosoon,
somesayinghewasapieceofshit,andofcourse,Tommy’snamebeingrevivedincountlessarticlesand
sportscasts.Shewouldn’tbeabletohandleit.Hehopedhewould.

Sighing,heartsick,hepushedtohisfeetandgrippedtheironrailingaroundhercharminglittle

balcony,watchingthepeoplestrollby.They’dplannedtoscarfdowntheirsandwichesandgooutagain,
sotheyshouldbeamongthemrightnow,walkinghandinhand,contemplatingtheirplansfortheevening
andanticipatingthenightahead.Allhehadtodowassaythewordanditcouldbereality—ifhehadn’t
alreadyfuckedeverythingupbeyondallrepairwithcarelesswords.

Careless,herealized,buttrue,oneofthosemanyinstanceswhenhehadn’tadmittedhisrealfeelings

aboutasubjectuntiltheyflewunbiddenfromhismouth.Thathabithadservedhimwellinhisfighting
career,butwouldeventuallywreckeveryrelationshipheevertriedtohave.

Trueornot,shehadn’tdeservedtohearit.
Heleftthebalconyandwenttoherclosedbedroomdoor,hearinghersobsbeyonditaseasilyasshe

musthaveheardhimtalkingtoBradandJon.Pressingahandtoitwhenhewantedtoripitfromits
fuckinghingestogettoher,heutteredaprayer.Asifthatwouldhelp.“Savannah,baby,canIcomein?”

Heranswerwasimmediate.“No.Pleasedon’t.”
Heknewherbreakdownsalwaysembarrassedher,asifshewasn’tallowedtoexpressthem.He’d

triedtogiveherasafeplacetodothat,andnowhe’dfuckeditallup.

Thiswasn’tworking.Itwasnevergoingtoworkaslongashekeptgivingintoher.
Leaninghisforeheadagainstherdoor,heasked,“Whatdoyouwantmetodo?”
Thistime,shewasalongtimeanswering.“Just...gohome.I’msorryIaskedyoutocomeallthis

way.”

“LikehellI’mgoinghomeandleavingyouthisway.”
“You’rethereasonIamthisway.”
“Savannah.I’mcomingin.”
Herdoorwaslocked,buttheknobwasoldandflimsy.Hebrokethefuckerwithaviolenttwistand

shovedhiswayinsidetoseehersittingonthebed,staringathimindisbelief.“You—”

“I’llbuyyouanewone.”Stalkingovertoher,hegrabbedherlefthandandshowedherthelittletattoo

onherringfinger.“Foundit.”

Herstreamingeyeswerefuriousandhermascarahadsmudgedaroundthem,makingherlookhalf

crazedtoo.“When?”

“Thismorning.”
“Youdidn’tsayanything.”
“Didyouwantmeto?”
“Idon’t...”
“Consideringwhatyoutoldmeaboutit.Thatitwasthereforthemanyou’regoingtomarry.Where

didyoureallyseeusgoing,Savannah?”

“Ididn’tknow!ButIwaswillingtofindout,beforethis.”
“Beforethis?Soyou’dbewillingtobewithmewhenI’mnotafighter,butnotifIam.Itdoesn’tmake

anysense.Ican’tchangewhathappenedtoyourbrother.Ican’tchangewhatIam.Soyoueitherwantto
bewithmeknowingitall,oryoudon’t.”

“It’sthatlifeIdon’twant!”sheburstout.“I’veseenwhatRowanwentthroughwithTommy.Iknow

whatitentails.Evenifyouwinthetitle,whatthen?Arematch.Defenses.It’lljustgoonandonuntilyou
lose,oryougethurt,andthenyou’redone.Ican’ttakeit,Michael,Ireallycan’t.Ican’twatchit.”

“Savannah—”
“WhatifIaskedyoujusttotakesomemoretime?Wouldyoudothat?”
“Thisisit.IfIbackdownfromthis,I’masgoodasdone.Inthisbusiness,thereisnotomorrow.”
Shethrewherhandsup.“Oh,Jesus.StopquotingRocky.”
“ThatwasCreed.”
“Iknowwhoitwas!I’veseenitathousandtimes.”
“Look,yousaidwhenwefirstmetthatTommywouldn’tquit,butthat’swhatyouwouldwantfrom

me?Youwouldwanttoseemeasaquitter?”

“Idon’twanttoseeyouassomeonewhohastofightforsurvival.Becauseyou’restilldoingit,you

know.It’snodifferentthanwhenyouwereakid.”

“It’scompletelydifferent,”hepracticallyhissed,andshedrewbackfromhissuddenvitriol,thoughit

toreathishearttoseeherdoso.“Don’teversaythattome.Ididn’thaveachoicebackthen.Idonow.”

“Andyou’vemadeit!”sheyelled,shootingtoherfeetandshowinghimthatshecouldfight,too,when

sheneededto.“TohellwithmeandwhatIwantforyou,tohellwitheveryone,youonlycareaboutyour
prideandfuckinggloryandabeltaroundyourwaist.Youdon’thaveanythingtoprovetoanyone!”

“Ihavetoproveittomyself.”Theloudershegrew,thequieterhebecame.“AndIhavetoproveitto

Meyers,whoknewexactlywhohemightbetalkingtoatthatpressconferenceinthere.”

“See?Yourpride.”
“Youwantmetofuckingbackdown?TotellMeyersandtheworldthathe’sright,I’vebeenhiding,

I’mdone,that’sit,I’llnevercomebackfromwhathappenedtoTommy?That’snothowI’mmade,
Savannah.It’snotinmyblood.Ifthat’swhatyouwantfromyourman,youpickedthewrong
motherfucker.”

“Iwantmymantogivesomeconsiderationtohiswoman’sworstnightmare,anddohisdamnedestto

notmakeitarealityforher,startingbynotdoingtheonethingsheaskshimnottodo.”

“ExceptthatonedamnthingiseverythingI’mabout.”
“No,it’snot.I’veseenwhatyou’reabout.Itisn’tthat.Ithasnothingtodowiththat.”
“Thenyouhaven’tgottentoknowmeatall.Youonlyseethesideyouwanttosee.”
Shestraightened,drawingherselfuptoheralreadyconsiderableheight.Andtheslowinhaleshetook

wasprobablythemostdangerousthinghe’dseenherdosincehe’dknownher.“IguessI’mseeingthat
now,”shesaidicily.“Allright.Whatareyoustandingherearguingwithmefor?Gohome,getstarted.
GoodluckandGodspeedandallthat.Forgetaboutmybrother,forgetaboutme.Godoyou.”

“Thatisn’twhatIwant.”
Shebrushedpasthimandheadedforherlivingroom,onlyspeakingwhenherbackwastohim.“Well,

youknowwhatIwant.”

ChapterTwenty-One

Thewiperssquealedacrossthewindshield,thesoundgratingonMike’salreadyfrazzlednerves.New
YorkCitywasasdampandrainyasNewOrleanshadbeen,butitwasn’tsomiserablyhumid.Mike
staredblindlythroughthetintedbackseatwindowoftheSUVtakinghimovertothepressconferenceto
announcehisnamebeingaddedtothemaincardatMayhem.Thestreetwascloggedwithyellowcabs,the
bleakgrayworldinterruptedbysplashesofcolorfromopenumbrellas.

HewouldrathergotwentyroundswithMeyerstap-dancingonhisfacethansitthroughthis.
“Youdidtherightthing,”Bradsaidathisside,andMikewonderedifhewastryingtoconvince

himselfaswellashisclient.“Ithinkyouneedthis.”

Hegruntedsomeformofresponseandcrackedhisknuckles,twitchyasfuckinslacksandablack

long-sleevedshirt.Ifhehadtodothis,hepreferredtobecomfortableandhimselfinjeansandaT-shirt,
butBradwasallaboutappearancesandrespectfortheaudience.Thiswasaboutasdressedupashewas
willingtomanage.

Thoughhe’dbeenhappyenoughtodoitforSavannahwhenthey’dgoneouttodinner.
Jonturnedtolookathimfromthepassengerseat.“Howyafeelin’?Youdon’tseemlikeyourself.”
Neitheroftheguysknewhe’dlefthisheartinLouisiana,thatparticularorganthatwasgoingtobeso

crucialtogettinghimthroughthenextfewweeks.Hehadn’tspokentoSavannahsincehepackedhisbag
andleftherapartmentfivedaysagoforthelongdrivebacktoHouston.Ithadrainedalmosttheentire
way.

“Playitcool,”Bradwassaying.“Frank’sgonnatakeeveryopportunitytogetunderyourskin,and

somethingtellsmeitisn’tgoingtobeveryhardforhimtoday.Butwedon’tneedtolethimseeit.”

“Igotthis,”Mikesaid,finallylookingawayfromtheclusterfuckoftraffic.FrankMeyershadbeen

underhisskinforyears,andheknewit,andnothingwasgoingtochangeaboutthat.

JonandBradexchangedalook.Miketriedtopretendhedidn’tseeit.
Itwastheusualsideshowwhentheyarrived,tablessetuponthestagewithhisnameonacard,

sponsorshipplasteredeverywhereonthebackdropalongwithahugeimageofhisfacebesidehis
opponent’s.

MEYERSVS. LARSON ON P P V

.Alwaysatriptoseethat.Cheerswentupfromthecrowd

whenheenteredfromthesideofthestage,andhestoppedtowaveandbaskamomentintheadulationas
flashbulbswentoff.Itwasbasicallyhisfirstpublicappearancesincetheaftermathoftheshithittingthe
fan,andthereceptionamazedhim.He’dexpectedtobeapariahofsorts,andtheacceptanceand
welcomefromthepresshithimhardforamoment.Hepattedhischestandpointedoutatthecrowd,their
whoopingandapplauseswellinglouder.

HewishedSavannahcouldbehere.Butshewouldprobablyfeelinsultedonherbrother’sbehalfthat

hewasgettinganyloveatallfromtheAFfansandpressafterwhathappened.HeglancedoveratBrad
andJon,whogrinnedencouragingly.Jonflashedhimathumbsup,thenhetookhisseatathistableas
Meyerscamein.

Well,thatdudehadn’tchangedabit.Biganddog-assugly.Mikedidn’tlookforwardtothefucking

face-off,thatwasforsure.He’drathergethitbyMeyersthanseehimthatcloseup.

Hewassureeagertoshowthatfuckingbeltoff,hoistingitabovehisheadtowaymorecatcallsand

jeersthanMikehadreceived.Yeah,hetooksomepleasureinthat.

ReidDowningtookhisplaceatthepodiumbetweenthetablesandgaveanopeningstatement,going

onabouthowgratefultheywereforMikesteppinginsothisfightcouldgoforward,howitwasgoingto
beagreatmatchupandhewaslookingforwardtoseeingit.Thenheopeneditupforquestions,anditwas
showtime.

“Mike,”thefirstreporterasked,astockyfellowwithglasses,andMikefiguredhecouldhaveasked

thequestionrightalongwithhim;itwaswhateveryonewouldwanttoknow.Itwasalsotheworstfucking
thingtheycouldaskhim.“Whenthematchgetshere,itwillhavebeenaroundthreemonthssincethedeath
ofTommyDugasshortlyafteryourfight.Hasthathadaneffectonyou,andifso,doyouthinkyou’ve
takenenoughtimeawaytodealwiththatmentally?”

Whatthefuckdoyouthink?Mikeblewoutthebreathhewasholdingbeforehepickedupthemic

lyingonhistable.“Ofcourseithadaneffectonme,itwastheworstthingI’vebeenthroughinalong
time,andIwasn’tplanningoncomingbackanytimesoon.Butthisopportunitypresenteditself,andafter
talkingitoverwithmyteam,gettingtheirinputandthinkingitover,we’rehereandwe’reready.”Andhe
putthemicdown.BradandAaron,hispublicist,hadcoachedhimtotaketheForrestGump“Andthat’s
allIhavetosayaboutthat”approachwiththatquestion.Hewasworriedaboutcomingofftoocallous,
buttheydidn’twanttoexposeanyweaknessthatMeyerscouldexploit.

Thesameguyhadaquestionforhisopponent.“Frank,whatareyourthoughtsabouttheswitchand

doesthesuddenchangeofopponenthaveanybearingonthewayyoutrainoryourstrategyforthefight?”

Frankputhismictohislipsforwhatwassuretobeatiradeofbullshit.“Everyoneinthisroom

knowsthatAndersondidn’thaveachance,sowhetherIwasbeatinghisassorbeatingMikeLarson’sass,
itmakesnomattertome,justanotherday.I’vebeathimtwicealreadysothere’snoreasontochangeup
strategy,Ialreadyknowwhatworks.It’sthesameasit’salwaysbeenbecausehe’spredictable.Igotta
say,though,”headdedloudlyoverthesuddeneruptionofvoices,“it’salittlesweeterthisway,Ithink
DugasdeservessomevengeanceafterwhathappenedtohimandI’mgonnagetitforhim.”

Oh,givemeafuckingbreak.Mikesnatcheduphismicrophone,thoughhesawBradandAaron

shakingtheirheadsfranticallyfromsidestage.Hedidn’tcare.“TommyDugaswouldn’taskforshitfrom
you,man.”

“Yeah,well,hecan’t,cuzyoukilledhim.Youkilledhim.Youkilledhim.”Hekeptchantingthehateful

wordsintohismicrophoneasanuproarwentupfromthepressandMikestoodupfromhischair,every
oneofhismusclestensedforattack.Meyerslumberedoutofhisownseat.Reidtookuphispeacemaker
stanceandsecuritybeganinchinginfromthesidelines.Mikebarelysawanyofit,hyper-focusedashe
wasonthevilewordsspillingfromMeyers’smouth.God,ifSavannahhearsthis...

“Everyoneknowsitwasanaccident,Frank.Youknowittoo.”
“Tellittohisfamilythat’sleftbehind.”
“Idid,asshole.”
“YouknowIhearhiswifeispregnant?Ibettheycan’twaittoseeyoubleedingonthematandI’m

goingtoseetoitthatithappens.You’llsee.You’llsee!”

“Youdidn’tfuckingknowhim,sowhothefuckareyoutogetvengeanceforanyone?”
“TommyDugaswasabrotherfighter,afellowwarriorwhogavehislifeforthissport,gonetoosoon

and—”

“Youpieceofshit.You’renotworthytomentionhisname.”
“You’dlikehisnametoneverbementioned,wouldn’tyou?Soyoucanforgetwhatyoudidandwhat

youinflictedonhisfamily.”

AnotherwordandhewasgoingtoclimboverReidifhehadto.“Let’sgetbackontrack,”the

presidentwassaying,andsecuritycameintoaddsomeauthoritytothesituation.Mikeputhishandsup,

reclaiminghisseatandwrenchingthecapoffthewaterbottlesittingonhistablebeforeturningitupside
downandguzzling.Itneededtobealcohol.BradandAaronwerebothrepeatedlyslashingtheirhands
acrosstheirthroats.Cutitthehellout,heinterpreted.Somuchfornotexposinghisweakness.

Allthisandonlytwoquestionsin.Itwasgoingtobealongday.

RowanansweredSavannah’sknockwithsurprisewrittenacrossherface.Atthesightofherlittlesister-
in-law,soadorablewithabandanaheadbandwrappedaroundherhairandalreadywearingamaternity
shirteventhoughshewasbarelyshowing,Savannah’seyesfilledwithtears.

“Oh,God,Savvy!”Rowancriedand,withallhostilitiesapparentlyforgotten,rushedforwardtowrap

Savannahinherarms.“Areyouokay?What’sthematter?”

“CanIcomein?”Savannahsniffled,clutchinghertight,herwarmandfamiliarscentacomfortshe’d

nearlyforgotten.

“Ofcourseyoucan.Getinhere.I’mmakingcookies;Ihadasuddencraving.Don’tmakemeeatthem

allbymyself.”

Chuckling,Savannahallowedherselftobeherdedinthroughthefrontdoorandfussedoverwhile

Rowangotherteaandtissuesandsettledheratthekitchentablewherethey’dfirstmadeplanstomeet
ZaneandMikeinHouston.Thememorysqueezedoutafewmoredropsofmoistureandshewipedat
theminfrustration.

Rowanshovedabatchofcookiesintheoven,setthedigitaltimer,thensatdownacrossfromher.

“Tellmeall.”

“Itisn’tgoingtoworkwithMike.Iknowyoudon’twanttohearabouthim,andIdon’tblameyou,but

Iseeitnow,soyoudon’thavetoworryanymore.He’salreadysetanotherfight.It’llbarelybethree
monthssinceTommydied,andhe’salreadyfightingagain.”

Tohersurprise,Rowandidn’teruptinpealsofjoy.Withsolemndeliberation,shefoldedherhandson

thetableandstaredatthemforseveralseconds.“Iknow.Isawitonthenews.Iwonderedhowyouwere
takingit.”

“Notwellatall.”
“Itwasjustachancethingthatcameupthough,right?Imean...itwasn’thisplanallalong.”
“Yeah,hegotanunexpectedtitleshot.Hewantedtotakeit.Itriedsohardtotalkhimoutofit.We

both...saidalotofbadstuff,Iguess.”

Sherememberedhisface,almostunrecognizableinhisdeterminationand...bloodlust,withice

glitteringinhiseyesthatshehadn’tseensincehismatchwithTommy.Ithadbroughtbacknightmares.It
hadfrozenherbloodinherveins.Thisishim,she’dthought.Hewasinthemind-set.Therewasan
opponentalreadyinhiscage,tryingtotakewhatwashis,andattheendoftheargumenthe’dsettledintoa
dangerousquiet,likethatofasnakelyinginwaitforsomehaplesspreytowanderby.

He’dscaredher.Notthatshethoughthewouldhurtherinamillionyears,buthewouldeasilyhurt

someoneelse,orelsegethurttrying.

“Savannah...andIcan’tbelieveI’msayingthis,butIhaveto.I’veneverinmylifehadanyonelook

atmethewayhelookedatyouinthecemeterytheotherday.NotevenTommy.Hedroveallnighttoget
thereforyou.Itmademethink.Itmademethinkalot.Hell,italmostmademejealous.”Rowanchuckled
sadly.“Yourmomwasimpressedtoo.”

“AndI’veneverfeltthewayhemademefeel,”Savannahadmitted,fiddlingwiththetissueinher

hand.

“Youdeservethat.I’vealwayswantedthatforyou.”

“ButIdon’tknowifIcanlivethelifeyoudid.”
“Iwouldneverwanttogobacktoit,”Rowanagreed,staringoffintosomemiddledistance,at

memoriesonlyshecouldsee.“Idon’tknow,someofitwasn’tsobad.Isupposethetoughestpartwas
livingwiththefighter.Sometimes—andIdon’tthinkI’veeveradmittedthisoutloud—itwasalmosta
reliefwhenhewasaway,soIcouldrelaxandtakesometimeformeforachange.God,isthatawful?”

“No,”Savannahsaidquickly.“Icanunderstandthat.Iusedtolivewithhimtoo.”
“Yeah,”Rowanlaughed.“Isupposeit’ssomewhatpossibleIwasbeingalittletoohardonMike.

Hell,Savvy,ifI’mwillingtoadmitthatIwaswrong,itshouldbewayeasierforyou.”

MaybenotifRowanknewwhathe’dsaidaboutTommy.Eveniftherewasatleastatinybitoftruthto

it.“Zanewantstoseeyouagain,”Savannahblurtedout,notsurewherethathadcomefromorwhythis
seemedlikeanopportunemomenttotellher.

Rowan’seyesbecamethesizeofsaucers.“Areyoufreakingkiddingme?”
“That’swhatMikesaid.Hewantsyournumber.ShouldIgetittohim?”
“Thereyougo!”Rowansaidexcitedly,reachingovertosmackSavannah’sarm.“There’syourchance

totalktoMikeagain.Pleasetellhimyes,hecanhavemynumber,butonlyifhe’llbehavehimself.”

Savannahmanagedachucklethroughtheacheinherheart.“Youexpectarockstartobehave

himself?”

“Hewasaperfectgentlemanwhenwetalkedbefore.Ithinkhecan.Weoldpregnantladiesdon’tneed

anywildtimes.”

“Please,you’renotold.Andyouseemtobedoingbetter,”Savannahobserved.Rowan’shairwas

fixedinsoftwaves,hermakeupperfect.Maybetodaywasonlyonegooddayinaseaofbadones,butshe
lookedgreat.Pregnancyagreedwithher,lentaglowtoherskin,asparkletohereyes.“IknowImade
thingshardonyouagain.I’msosorryforthat,Ro.Sosorry.”

“Oh,honey,”Rowansaid,“itwasmainlynotseeingyouthatwassohardonme.I’mgladyou’rehere.

Don’teverleave.”

Theysharedalaugh,andbeforetoomuchlonger,thecookiesweredone.Itwashardtobesadwhen

onehadaccesstowarmwhitechocolatemacadamianutcookies.Together,theydevouredtheentirebatch
andconsumedmassquantitiesofRowan’sexcellentsweettea,anysorrowstemporarilysuspendeddueto
thesubsequentsugarrush.Rowanshowedhertheprogressonthenursery,whereshe’dhungahuge
framedweddingportraitoverthespotwhereshewantedtoputthecrib.Tommyhadlookedsohandsome
inhistux,andRowanravishinginherweddingdresswithherblondringletsandinnocentsmile.

Eventuallytheyendeduponthecouchinthelivingroom,surroundedbyTommy’seagles,watching

TVandcatchingup.“Soyouhaven’ttalkedtohimatallsinceheleft?”Rowanasked,herlegstucked
underneathherwhilesheflippedthroughchannels.

“No.It’sbeenaweek.He’sprobablyinMexicoCitybynow.Ithinkhewantedtotraininthealtitude

sohewouldbeusedtoit.”

“Ah.Well...youhaveyourpassport,don’tyou?”
“Ido,butIamnotgoingtoMexicoCitytowatchhimfight.Nofriggingway.”Themerethought

causedherstomachtoplummet.

“Yeah,Iunderstand.Thatwouldbealittlemuch.Sotexthimrightnowandgivehimmynumberto

passtoZane.Seewhathesays.”

Savannahshookherhead.“Iwill.Butnotrightnow.”
Withafunnygrowloffrustration,Rowanstoppedchannelsurfinglongenoughtotossathrowpillow

ather.“Comeon.”

“Rowan—”SavannahhuddledupinthecornerofthecouchasRowanextendedoneleg—cladin

floweryleggings—andnudgedherrepeatedlyinthesidewithhertoes.

“Doit.Doooeet.”
“Icannotbelieveyou’retheoneencouragingthis.Afterwhatwe’vebeenthrough...”
SavannahsawthesmallestofcracksinRowan’scautiousoptimism.“Iknow.Butifanything,what

we’vebeenthroughhasshownushowshortlifecanbe,hasn’tit?I’velostmyparents,andnowmy
husband.Idon’tknowwhy.IjustknowthatifIcouldgetbackoneminute,justone,withanyofthem,I
wouldtakeitinaheartbeat.IwasthinkingthatwhenyouandMikewalkedupatthecemetery,andit
struckme.Youhavethatopportunity,youhaveallthoseminutesthatIdon’t.Hewasrightbesideyou.
He’soutthererightnow,probablywaitingtohearfromyou.”Shepaused,staringoffatsomedistantpoint
overSavannah’sshoulder.MaybeatthepictureofherandTommythatSavannahknewhungonthewall
behindher.“Andifyoulovehim,Ican’trobyouofthat.MyGod,Savvy,don’twealldeservesome
happiness?”

Therewasn’tanyhappinesstobehadforSavannahrightnow.Butmaybeshecouldgetsomefor

Rowan.“Allright,I’lldoit.Foryou.Don’texpectmuchforme.”

Rowanretractedherlegandtuckeditbackunderneathher.“We’llsee.”
Blowingoutabreath,Savannahliftedherphoneandpulledhimupinhercontacts.Forsomereason,

shethoughtaboutthedayhe’daddedhisowninfointoherphoneattheCaféDuMondewhilecoffeecups
clinkedandzydecoplayedinthedistanceandpatronschattered.Oneofthesaddestdaysofherlife.He’d
wantedhertousehisnumberthen;shecouldonlyhopehewantedhertouseitnow.

Onceshepulledupthekeyboard,though,shefroze.Whattosay?Imissyou?Ihopeyou’reokay?

Hey,here’sRowan’snumber,passitontoyourbrother?

“MaybeIshouldcallhimforthis,”shesaidthoughtfully.
“Whateverworks.”
Canwetalk?

Send.Andshewantedtoflingherphoneacrosstheroomattheanxietythat

explodedinherchest,forcingherheartintoherthroat.Rowanwatchedherwithamixtureofsympathy
andamusementasSavannahcoveredherfacewithbothhands.

“It’llbeokay.”
“He’sprobablyworking.Itcouldbehoursbeforehe’sableto—”Herphonelitupwithhisnumber.

“OhGod.”

“I’mout,”Rowansaid,scramblingupfromthecouchandheadingforthestairs.“Goodluck!”
Thiswasallherfault.Savannahglaredatherretreatingback,thenanswered,theanticipationat

hearinghisvoicecurlinghertoes.“Hello?”

“Hey.”Buthesoundeddistant,detached.Infact,thedisinterestinhisvoicebroughtherhandtoher

mouth.“Everythingokay?”

“Um,yeah.”No.Imissyou.Comeback.“Iseverythingokaywithyou?”
Therewasapausebeforehisanswer.“It’sallright.I’minNewYorkforpressandphotoshootsand

stuff,andIhatethatshit.Myleastfavoritepart.”

“Whendoyougettogohome?”
“I’mattheairportnow,butIdon’tgettobehomeforlong.”Inthebackground,shecouldhearanother

conversationgoingonnearby,andlaughter.Suddenly,herheartachedtobenexttohim,tobebyhisside
throughallofthis.

“Oh,well,that’sgood.Thatshouldmakeyoufeelbetter.Didyouhaveapressconference?”
“Yeah.Butdon’twatchit,Savannah.”
Herheartsqueezedwhenhesaidthat.Shewasn’tsureifitwashearinghimsayhernameagainorthe

insinuationthatsomethingbadhadhappened.“Why?”shechokedout.

“Itwasn’tanythingyouneedtosee.Youwereabsolutelyrighttostayaway.Thisis...fuckingugly,

andit’sonlygonnagetworse.”

Wasthatwhyhesoundedlikehe’drathernotbetalkingtoher?Didhewanttoprotectherbykeeping

heratarm’slength?Shetriedtotellherselfthat,becausethealternativewassimplytooheartbreaking.
“Okay,”shesaid,closinghereyes.“Willyou,um,goaheadandpassRowan’snumberontoZane,ifhe
stillwantsit?She’dliketotalktohimagaintoo.”

“Sure,yeah.Textittome.I’llmakesurehegetsit.”
“Thanks.”Shealreadycouldhearthebeginningnotesofgoodbyeintheconversation.Imissyou.I

missyou.Imissyou.Tellhim!“I...”

Hewaited.
“I’mwishingyouallthebest.Inthefight.And—”
“Thanks.We’reabouttoboard,sothey’llbemakingmeturneverythingoff.”
“Okay.”
“GiveRowanmybest.”
“Iwill.”
“Allright.Gottago.”Andhehungup.
OhmyGod.OhmyGod.Shecoulddonothingbutstareatherphoneindisbelief.Ithadsoundedlike

acompletelydifferentpersonthantheoneshe’dgottentoknow.Buthe’dwarnedher,hadn’the?Thenyou
haven’tgottentoknowmeatall.Youonlyseethesideyouwanttosee,he’dsaid,alookinhiseyesthat
wasstillcapableofsendingchillsdownherspine.

Exceptthatshehadn’tbelievedhimthen.Shedidn’tbelievehimnow.Heonlyshowedthesidehe

wantedpeopletoseewhenhewantedthemtoseeit,topushthemaway,scarethemoff,ormaybeto
protectthem.Acopingmechanism,nodoubtformulatedbyascaredkidwhowastryingtoprotecthis
youngerbrothersfromtheabundanthorrorsoftheirlife,cultivatedtoperfectionovertheyears.Serving
himwellnowinhischosenprofession.

RowanpeekedherheadintotheroomasSavannahstillstaredblindlyatherphone.“Donealready?”
“Ohyeah,we’redone,”sherepliedglumly,abouttotossitasidebeforesherememberedshewas

supposedtotexthimRowan’snumber.Shewentaheadanddidthat.“ThatwentaboutaswellasI
expected.ButwayworsethanIhoped.”

“Ishemad?Isthatfragileegobruised?”
“Idon’tthinkithasanythingtodowiththat.Hesounds...cold.Buthedoeshaveyournumberto

givetoZane.”

Rowanpickeduptheirglassesfromthecoffeetabletogetrefillsontheirtea.“Asifhe’lleveruseit.”

Exceptthathedid.SavannahgotthegleefulcallfromRowanafewdayslaterasshewassittingonher
balconylateintheafternoontryingtoreadabookandgethermindoffeverything.Itwasworkingout
aboutaswellasshe’dfigureditwould,whichwasn’tsayingmuch.

“Canyoubelieveit?Wemusthavetalkedforanhour,”Rowansaidhappily.
Savannah’sheartwarmed.Mikehadstillbeenwillingtofacilitatethatconnection.Foracoupleof

days,she’dhadtheterriblethoughtthattheopportunitymighthavepassed,andthenshewouldhavethat
weighingonherconsciencetoo.“Awesome.Areyougoingtoseehim?”

“Nah,nothinglikethat.It’sjustafriendlything.ButhowcoolisitthatIcancallZaneLarsonmy

friend?IcancallZanefreakingLarson.Imean,ohmyGod!”

“I’mhappyforyou.”

“Youknow,hetalkedalotaboutMike.”
“DoIwanttoknow?”
“Maybe.Hesaidhetalkedtohimtodayforthefirsttimeinawhileandthathedidn’tthinkhishead

wasright.That’snotagoodthingforthoseguys,Savvy.Heneedsallhisfocus.”

“Whatdoyouwantmetodoaboutit?Itriedtotalktohim.”
“Youdidn’ttryverylong.”
“Hecutmeoff!”
“Haveyouwatchedthepressconference?”
“No,”Savannahexplainedwithexaggeratedpatience,“becausehetoldmenotto.”
“JesusChrist,woman,youneedtolearnwhentolistentothemanandwhentonot.I’msureit’sall

overYouTube.Zanesaidhesawit,andwemightwanttocheckitout.Idon’tknow.I’monlythe
messenger.”

Truthwas,Savannahdidn’twanttosubjectherselftothepainofseeinghim,onascreenorotherwise.
“DoyouthinkTommy’snamegotthrownaround?”Rowanaskedthen,afterfallingcontemplatively

silentforamoment.

“Iknowitdid.Whyelsewouldhetellmenottowatchit?Hedoesn’twantittoupsetme.Hesaysit

wasveryuglyandit’sonlygoingtogetworse.”

“Comeover,then,andwe’llwatchittogether.”
“Rowan,youdon’thavetodothis.Wedon’thavetodothis.Iwanttomoveon.There’snowaytodo

thatifwekeepscratchingopenwounds.Andhe...heisn’thelping.Heknewthiswouldhappen.He’s
makingushearaboutitalloveragain,andIrefuse.”

“Okay,okay.We’lldoityourway.”
Moredayspassed.Savannahworkedendlessly,takingonafter-hoursclientsuntilherhandsached.

Spendingasmuchtimeasshecouldwithherfriendsandfamily.Mostnightsshefoundherselftossingand
turning,huggingOscartheNinthandbeggingherselfnottowatchthepressconference.Itwouldbea
doubleshotofagony—seeingMike,hearingthedeathofherbrotherdraggedintothepublicarenaand
harpedonagain.AllMike’sfaultfornotwaitinglongerbeforehetookafight.

Woulditmakeanydifference,though?Thattragedywouldfollowhimfortherestofhislifetoo.It

mightnotmatterifhewaitedthreemonthsorthreeyearstofightagain;hewouldalwaysbetheguywho
deliveredthepunchthatkilledTommyDugas.SavannahwaslockedinthismiserablecyclewithMike
whethershewantedtobeornot,butofthetwoofthem,onlyshehadtheluxurytoturnherfaceaway,to
avoidit,tonotseeitandcontinueonlivingherlife.

Hewouldhavetofaceitdayafterdayfromnowon.
Savannahwasinthemiddleofahotstonealignmentwhenclarityfinallycame:shehadtoseewhat

washappening.Evenifshewasn’twithhim,heshouldn’thavetosufferitallalone.

Forsomeonewho’dalwaysconsideredherselfstrong,whenhadshebecomesoweak?
“Okay,”shemutteredtoherselflaterthatnight,settlinginbedwithherlaptop.She’ddecidednotto

callRowanuntilshesawwhattheyweredealingwith,butshealmostwishedshewerehere.Navigating
toYouTube,shesearchedfortheAFMayhempressconferenceandclickedontheonethatwasheldwhen
Mikewasaddedtothecard,bitingherlipasitbegantoload.

God,helookedgorgeous,butshe’dknownhewould.Dressedalmostexactlylikehehadbeenwhen

hetookherouttodinnerbeforethatexplosivenightathisapartment,hewassodangerouslysexyshehad
tosqueezeherthighstogether.Hermindandheartweren’ttheonlypartsofherthatmissedhim.Tothink
thatmanhadfuckedherinthisverybedalittleoveraweekago.

Actually,no,shedidn’twanttothinkaboutthat.Ashotandpreciousasthosememorieswere,they

droveaknifethroughherchest.

Shesighedinrelieftoseehowwelcomingthecrowdwasforhim;ifhe’dhadtoendurehatebeing

flungathimateveryturn,itwouldmakeeverythingsomuchharder.Hehadaloyalfollowing,andthey
obviouslyhadnotdesertedhim.Thegratefulnessshowedonhisface,andshewantedtoreachthroughand
hughim.

FrankMeyerswasascockyassherememberedfromthefightsshe’dwatched.Hedidn’tgetnearlyas

muchsupportfromthecrowd,shesaw,andthewayheshowedthatbeltoffmadehergritherteeth.

Thenshesatinabsolutehorrorwatchingthewaythingsunfolded.
“...youkilledhim.Youkilledhim.Youkilledhim.”Meyerswasyelling,pandemoniumwas

erupting,andMikewasshootingtohisfeet.

“Oh,baby,”shemurmured,puttingafisttoherlipsandfightingtearsatthelookonhisface.Hewas

puttingonatoughfront,buteverytimeMeyerssaidit,shepracticallycouldseeMiketakeablowinside.
Everythingdevolvedintoshouting,butshestillcaughtsomeofthewordsbeingexchanged.

“Everyoneknowsitwasanaccident,Frank.Youknowittoo.”
“Tellittohisfamilythat’sleftbehind.”
“Idid,asshole.”
“YouknowIhearhiswifeispregnant?Ibettheycan’twaittoseeyoubleedingonthematandI’m

goingtoseetoitthatithappens.You’llsee.You’llsee!”

“Howdareyou,youpieceofshit?”Savannahexclaimedoutloud,slammingthelaptopshut.She

couldn’thearanymore.Almostbeforesheknewwhatshewasdoing,shewasslippingonherflip-flops,
grabbingherpurse,andrunningforthefrontdoorwithhercarkeysinherhand,leavingthelaptoponher
bed.

ChapterTwenty-Two

Rowanwasstillawake;herlightswereon.Savannahhadn’tevenbotheredtotextherthatshewas
coming.Gettingherfrontdoorpoundedonatnightwasprobablyscaryashellforawomanwholived
alone,butRowansnatchedthedooropennonetheless.

“You’vegottoseethis,”Savannahsaidwithoutgreetingorpreamble,plowingintothehouse.
“What?”Rowanaskedexcitedly,shovingthedoorclosedandfollowingher.
“Itwillhurt.Hell,ithurtme.Butmorethanthat,I’mfuckingpissed.”
Shecouldhavepulledituponherphone,butthatscreenwasn’tbigenoughtoshowthesheer

magnitudeofthefuckeryshe’djustwitnessed.Rowanhadasmallhomeofficeoffthelivingroom;
Savannahveeredinthere.ThePCwason,soshedroppedintothedeskchairandsurfedtothepress
conference.

Rowanstoodinsilencebehindherasitbegan,astheintroductionsandopeningcommentsweremade

...Savannahskippedforwardabituntilthefirsttwoquestionswerebeinganswered.Shewasn’tlooking
atRowan,butsheheardhersharpintakeofbreathasMeyersbeganhistirade.Butthenhementionedher
pregnancy.

“Whatthehell!”sheexploded.“Howdoesheknowaboutthat?Howdoanyofthem?Itisn’tlikea

singleoneofthemhasfuckingcalledtocheckonme.EventheonesthatTommyconsideredhisfriends!”

“Ididn’tthinkso,orelseyouwouldhavementionedit.”
“Whatafuckingasshole.Savannah!Idon’tknowthatclown!”Shestabbedafingeratthescreen,

whereMeyers’suglyfacewasstillranting.

“DidTommyknowhim?Personally,Imean?”Everyoneknewofhim.
“Ifhedidhenevertalkedabouthim.”
“Iwouldthinkwe’dknowsomeonewho’svowingvengeanceinourname.”
“Lookathim,he’sjustusingittogettoMike.”
“Andit’sgettingtohim.Youcanseeit.”
Rowanwatchedsilentlyforamoment.Miketookhisseatagain,butthepainwasreadilyapparentin

hissullen,hauntedeyes,inthetightnessofhisjaw.“Yeah.”

Savannahturnedherbackonittolookather.“Whatshouldwedo?Wecan’tletthatgounanswered.

EspeciallywithMikethinkingIhatehimorsomethingforsigningupforthistostartwith.”

Crossingherarms,Rowanpursedherlipsforamoment,thentappedthemthoughtfullywithapink-

tippedfinger.“IstillhaveTommy’smanager’snumber.HewasanotheroneofthoseI’mhereifyouneed
anythingguyswhoIhaven’theardfromsince.Well,Ineedsomethingnow.Ineedafuckingpress
release.”

“Thatcouldwork.Wecouldwritesomethingup,sendittohim,andhecouldmakesureitgetsoutto

allthenewsoutlets.Imean,lookatthis,Ro.”Shepointedatthenumberofviewsthevideohadaccrued.
“Hundredsofthousandsofpeoplehavealreadyheardthisriverofhorseshit.Itmakesmesicktothinkof
it.”

“AndMikeeventriedtotellthemhedidcontactus.Hewasbeingdrownedout.Nooneispointing

thatout,Ibet.”

“Idon’tknow,I’mnotevengoingtodarelookatthecomments.”

“Hell,no,don’tdothat.Neverdothat.LetmefindRick’snumber.Andthenwe’llwritesomething.”
Theyworkedlateintothenight.

Everyday,hetraineduntilhecouldhardlymove.Thenhewenttosleepandstartedalloveragainthenext
morning.Eat,sleep,grind.Repeat.

Mikedidn’thavemuchtimetoenjoythesightsinMexicoCity,aplacehe’dneverbeen.Jonkepthis

eatingcleanandhisworkoutsefficient,thoughadjustingtothealtitudewashellonhim.Somedaysitwas
achoretolifthisarms,andhefeltstarvedofoxygen.HeandJonbothhopedgettingacclimatedtothe
thinnerairatseventhousandfeetabovesealevelforamonthwouldbenefithimduringthefight.Meyers
hadn’tbothered;hewastrainingathisusualcampinCalifornia.Whetheritwascockinessor
carelessness,Joninsistedthathewasgoingtoregretthatdecision.

“Theseguyswillbedroppinglikefliesassoonastheygetthatfirstcut,”Jonhadsaid,“butyou’llbe

amachine,kid.”

Hemightbeamachine,butrightnowhisenginewassputtering.Sparringwithoneofhistraining

partners—hehadseveralwhowerealternatingtakingthetripdowntoMexicoCitytoworkwithhim—he
wasdamnnearoutofbreathafteracoupleminutesofthrowingcombos.Butsowastheotherguy.

Kasonwasagoodpartnerbecausehewasquick,hadalargearsenalofmoves,andhewasn’teasyto

shake.Mike’sT-shirtwasalreadysoakedwithsweat,andhewaswearingKasondownwithjabsand
kickstohislegswhileJonshoutedinstructionsfromthesidelines.Hisopponentwouldn’texpectanattack
usingmuaythaistrikes,soMike’sstrategywastocatchthefuckeroffguardwithsomebrutalkicks.When
hesensedthetimewasrighttogetserious,hementallyputFrankMeyers’sfaceonthatofhispartnerand
letthosefuckinghatefulwordsfromthepressconferenceechothroughhishead.Itwasashotof
adrenalinestraighttotheheart,andafteramomentofreadingKase’smovements,Mikespiedhisopening
todeliveraspinningbackkickthatknockedhimtotheground.

“Beautiful!”Jonexclaimed.Mike,suddenlyfeelingalittleshitty,pulledhispartnertohisfeetand

huggeditoutwithhim.

“DothattoMeyersandhe’llbetakingalittlenaponthefloor,”Kasoncommented,tuggingoffhis

headgear.

“Yeah,well,I’llcoverhimupandsinghimalullaby.”Hecouldonlyimaginethesatisfactionof

connectingheeltochinwiththatscumbagandwatchinghimfall.

“Impeccabletimingthere,”Joncommented,strollingovertoslapKasononthebackandhandhima

waterbottle.“Youallright?Gotallyourteeth?”

Heworkedhisjawbackandforth.“Ithinkthatheadgearneedsheavierpadding.Almostfeelsorryfor

thatguyrightnow.”

Mikeshookhishead.“Don’t.He’llgetexactlywhat’scomingtohim.”
Kasonheadedoutfortheday,jokinglycallingoutthathewasgoingtogothrowupnow.Mikewentto

thefloorandrestedonhisbackforafewminutes,coolingdownandstaringupatthelightsuntilhewent
halfblind.AfterawhilehewasawareofJon’sconcernedgazeonhim.“Tomorrowmorning,weneedto
workonthatkesa-gatameescape.Meyershasbeenusingitalot.”

“Yeah.”Mikesatupandcrankedoffthecaponhisownbottleofwater.Nothingwouldeverbeworse

thanlosingtoFrankbysubmission.He’dratherlosebydecisionforthethirdfuckingtime,blackout,take
hisownnaponthefloor,thanhavetotap.Hewantedananswerforanythingtheguymighttrytopullout
ofhisbagoftricks.

“Youokay,kid?”

Maybesomedayeveryonewouldquitaskinghimthat,butheguessednotanytimesoon.Hewasn’t

okay.HemissedSavannah.Noneofthisseemedtomeanadamnthingwithouther.Notthathewantedto
thinkaboutlosingtothatcolossalassholeinacoupleweeks,buthowwashesupposedtowinwhenhe
feltlikehe’dalreadylosteverything?Winthebelt,hearthecheers,celebratehisvictory...gohometo
anempty,echoingapartmentandacoldbed,alone.

Whatwasthepoint?
“Fine,”helied,leaningbackagainandclosinghiseyes.Jonambledawaytothefacility’ssmall

office.Mikemighthaveevenlaythereanddozed;hewasn’tsurehowmuchtimepassedbeforehewas
startledbyJoncallinghisname,andhiseyespoppedopen.

“Youstilloutthere?Youneedtoseethis!”
Sighing,hegottohisfeet,hatingtheeffortofit—damnaltitude—andgrabbedatowelbeforegoingto

heedhiscoach’scall.Hefoundhiminatthedeskinthelittleoffice,hislaptopopen.Lookingupand
seeinghiminthedoor,Jonwavedhimover.“Comehereandwatchthis.Hangon,letmebackitup.”

Therewasasportscastinfull-screenmodeonthecomputer.JonletitreloadwhileMikeloopedthe

towelbehindhisneckandclutchedtheends,notexpectingmuchbecauseJonwasalwaysfindinglittle
tidbitsandsoundbitestoshowhim.

Untilacertainsurnamelefttheanchor’smouthandeveryoneofMike’ssenseswentonfullalert.
“...interestingpressreleasefromtheDugasfamilyregardingtheupcomingMeyers–Larsontitlebout

atMayhem.TommyDugasdiedshortlyafterhisownboutwithMichaelLarsonovertwomonthsago,
somethingMeyersisn’twillingtoletthefansforget.ButnowDugas’swifeandsisterhavereleaseda
jointstatementthroughhismanagerstatingthefollowing:‘BecausewecherishTommy’smemory,we
cannotallowFrankMeyerstocontinuetocapitalizeonittobenefithisownnameandimage.Wedonot
knowhim,hedidnotcontactusafterTommy’sdeath,andthereforehedoesnotspeakforus.Michael
Larson,however,wentaboveandbeyondtoreachouttousandofferhissincerecondolencesinourtime
ofgrief.Inhimwefoundafriend,asourceofcomfortandsolace,andwewishhimallthebest.’The
matchissetforfivedaysfromnow,andthere’scertainlynolovelostbetweenthetwoAFfighters.
They’vebeenateachother’sthroatsintheweeksleadingup—”

Jonclickedthepausebutton.Solace.Mikeblinkedashiscoachturnedtolookupathim.“Hey,that’s

gottamakeyoufeelgood,right?”

“Yeah,”hesaid,stillstunnedbeyondthemostbasicwords.
“Sohelpmeputtwoandtwotogetherhere.Isthatwhereyouranoffto?”
“Itis.”
UnderstandingdawnedacrossJon’sface.“Mike...you’vebeeninafunk.You’redoinggoodwork

butyou’renotyourself.”Hecouldseethequestionthere.Whichoneofthemisit?

“Thesister,”heconfessed.“Savannah.”
Rubbingthegrayingstubbleonhisjaw,Jonregardedhimthoughtfullyforamoment.“Soundslikeshe

thinksalotofyou.”

“Ithoughtshedid,andthenIsignedonforthisfight.Thatkindofkilledmostofhergoodthoughts.”
“Nowonderyouweresotornaboutitatfirst.IthoughtithadtodowithTommy,allthatshitstillon

yourmind.”

Heshrugged.“That’spartofit.Probablyalwayswillbe.”
“Willshebeatthefight?”
“Consideringthelastoneshewenttoendedwithherbrotherdying,I’mthinkingthat’sano.”There

wasnohidingthebitternessinhisvoice.

“That’sashame.”

Indeeditwas.Buttherewasn’tshithecoulddoaboutit.Shedidn’twanttohaveanythingtodowith

hislife.“It’smyfault.ItoldherthefirsttimeImetherIwasthinkingaboutretiring.BecauseIwas,Jon.I
wasthinkingaboutithard.AndthenItookthisshot.”

“Ifiguredyouwerehavingthoughtslikethat.Ialsofiguredtheywouldn’tlastlong.You’vegotthe

beastinyou,kid.Ifyoudon’tletitouttoplayeverynowandthen,it’lleatyoufromtheinsideout.”Jon
sighedandshuthislaptop.“Gorestup.Wehavealongdaytomorrow.”

Asthedaystickedby,Savannahfoundherselfwindingtighter,restless,uncertain.Sheworkedandhelped
Rowanwiththenursery.Afewreporterscalledforcomments,butshetoldthemshehadnothingtosay
thatwasn’talreadysaidintheirpressrelease,andrequestedprivacy.Rowantoldhershe’dhadthesame
calls.Herresponsehadprobablybeenfarlesspolite.

Savannah’sTVremainedonsportschannelsmorethanNetflixlately;she’dheardtheirstatementread

numeroustimes,heardtheanchorstalkittodeath,heardtheresponsesfromboththefighters.Mike’shad
beensuccinct,asallofhiscommentsaboutTommyhadbeen.

“They’reawonderfulfamilywhodidn’tdeservethehandtheygotdealt,”he’dsaidtothemicrophone

inhisface,lookingwearytohereyes.“It’sanhonortoknowthem.”

FrankMeyers’swasfarmoreantagonistic,andofcourse,farwordier.“It’sguilt,man.Itmakesaguy

docrazy[bleep].Andthey’rejusttryingtomakehimfeelbetter.Itgoestoshowthathe’sbeatdown
mentally,hedoesn’tdeservetobehere,hedoesn’tdeserveachancetotakewhat’smine,andI’mgonna
takehimout.”

Yeah,shemight’vehadtorestrainherselffromhurlingherremoteathisfaceonherscreen.Butshe’d

saidherpiece,sotherewouldbenofurtherstatementsnomatterhowthereporterswhocalledtriedto
enticeherintotrash-talking.

Thefightcreptevercloser,andthecloseritcame,theantsiershegrew.Sheevenfoundherself

lookingupflightstoMexicoCity.MostofthemconnectedinHouston.Theverynameofthecityonher
screensetoffabarrageofsweetmemoriesinherhead.Atthefrontofthemwasthedizzyingwhirlofthe
elevatorplungingdownwhilehekissedheragainsttheglass,makingherdrunkerthanthechampagneever
had.

Memorieswerebad.Memorieswerepronetotriggeradelugeoftearsoutofnowhere.Shecouldn’t

handleit.Shewassickoftears;she’dcriedenough.

Whenhegetsback,shetoldherself.Whenit’sallsaidanddone,maybewecanpickupwherewe

leftoff.Butthatwasn’tfairtohim.Shecouldn’tbetherethroughthegoodtimesanddisappearthroughthe
struggles.Itwasn’twhoshewas.Itwasn’t.Ifsheletthisgoby,lethimgointhatringwithoutherthere,
theyweredone.Shefeltitlikeanominousloomingdeadline.

Shevisitedthecemeterymoreandmore,thoughtherewaslittletodobutsitandstareatTommy’s

nameontheplaque.Hewasn’there;hewasgone.Shedidn’tfeelanyclosertohimherethanshedid
anywhereelse,butshecameanyway.Rowancamewithhersometimestoo,andheldherwhiletheyboth
cried.Tommymightnotbeinthattomb,buthewasthereinsideRowan,andthatwasthemostcomfortshe
couldfind.Whilehersister-in-lawseemedtobegettingbetter,though,afteralmostthreemonths,
Savannahfeareditwasonlyjustnowstartingtohither...reallyhither,anditfeltlikeapunchtothegut.
AlltheanxietyoverMike’sapproachingfightdidn’thelp,andshewokesomanynightsfeelingsick,
shaking,bathedinacoldsweatwithhisnameonherlips.

Itwasonlygettingworse.
“WhatdoIdo,bigbrother?”sheaskedatthetombtwodaysbeforeAFMayhemwouldtakeplaceand

sealherfate.Itwasabright,beautifulday,notunlikethedaythey’dinterredhim,onlymuchhotter.
Humidityhadhershirtstickingtoherandabeadofsweatrollingbetweenherbreasts.Shesatononeof
thetwostepsleadinguptothestructure,twirlingabladeofgrassbetweenherfingers.

Ofcourse,shedidn’texpectananswer.
Butshegotoneallthesame.
Ashrill,staccatocryaboveherbroughtherheaduptoinspectthesky,andthereamongthebluewasa

soaringbaldeagle.

Gasping,shestoodandstared.Ridiculoustothinkitwasthesameonethathadbeenacomforttoher

thathorribleday,but...

Oh,Michael.ThedayofTommy’sfuneral,she’dsearchedtheskyforamomentafterfindinghereagle

gone,onlytodrophergazeandseehisface.Andhe’dlookedsobrokenforher,sodesperatetotrytoset
thingsrightasbesthecould.Hehad,hadn’the?Forthebrieftimethey’dhadtogether...he’dlovedher.
He’dscrapedallthepiecesofhertogetherandtried,painstakingly,toreformher.Thepersonhe’d
created,though,wasn’tthesameoneshe’dbeenbeforesheshattered.Shecouldbebetterforhim.She
hadtobe.

Apeacestolethroughherasshewatchedherneweagle,suchasshehadn’tknowninweeks.Lifewas

precious,shethought.Andmuchtooshorttowasteamomentofit.

“Thanks,Tommy,”shewhispered,andboltedforhercar,herphonealreadyinherhand.

ChapterTwenty-Three

“Cool,Mike.Playitcool,”Jonsaidathisear.

Mikefiddledwiththegood-luckcharminthepocketofhissweats,twenty-fourhoursawayfromhis

destiny.Theairitselfwaselectricinthearena,wherethefightershadcongregatedfortheMayhem
officialweigh-in.Heacceptedwell-wishesfromfellowcompetitors,morethanafewrequestingthathe
mopthefloorwithMeyers’sass.Theyneedn’thaveasked;noonehadmorereasonthanhedidtowant
thesamedamnthing.

Weigh-insweremoretolerablethanpressconferences.Waymore.Helikedthespectacle,thelight

show,thehugescreensshowingrecapsandtrash-talking—itmeantalltheworkwasdoneexceptforthe
fighting,whichwastheonlyreasonhewashere.Plus,afterwardhegottodrinkatonoffuckingwater
afterdehydratinghimselffortwenty-fourlong-asshours.Hewasagoodtwentypoundslightersince
beginningtheweight-cuttingprocessearlierintheweek,buthefeltlikeabsoluteshitforit.

ThentheywereannouncinghimasthechallengerfortheAFHeavyweightChampionship

—“Michaaaaaael‘Laaarcennyy’Laaaarrrrsssonnnn”—andhejoggedupthestepsandoutonthestageto
loudappreciationandflashingcameras,acrowdofpeople,andsmilingscantilycladringgirls.

Heunzippedhisjacketandwhippedoffhiscapandshirt,tossingeverythingtoJon.Toedoffhisshoes

andstrippeddowntohisshorts,grinningatthefeminineappreciationthatrangoutfromtheaudience.And
oncehesteppedonthescaleandhisweightwasannounced,hegavethecrowdtheirshow,flexingforthe
cameras,thenmadehiswaytothesideofthestagetowaitonthechamp.Suchashewas.

He’dfeltbetterlately,exceptfordeprivinghimselfofwater.Theeffectsofthealtitudehadeasedup

untilhealmostfeltnormalagain,andhe’dheardsomeoftheotherfightersbitchingaboutitsincethey’d
arrivedafewdaysago.Goodluckwiththat,fellas,he’dthought.Mostofthemwouldprobablybe
pukingtheirgutsoutaftertheirmatches,likehehadbeenafteracoupleofhisfirstworkouts.

FrankMeyerscameouttoasmanyboosascheers,thebeltslungacrossoneshoulder.Rowanand

Savannah’sstatementhadmadepeoplehatehimmorethantheyalreadydid.Mikedistinctlyheard
someonecallout,“Fuckyou,Frank!”andnoticedthatMeyersflashedthehecklerthecorresponding
finger.Lovely.Thiswasbeinglivestreamed,butifMeyerswantedtokeepshowinghistruecolors,he
waswelcometoit.

Ifuglycouldtranslateintoscary,thenthatwasthescariestmotherfuckerMikehadeverseen.Hiseyes

werebeadyasasnake’sandhehadagapbetweenhisfrontteethbigenoughtofitanextratooth.
Cauliflowerearsprotrudedfromthesidesofhisbaldhead.Hestrippedandsteppedonthescalewhile
Mikepulledonhissweatsandsettledhiscapbackwardonhishead,eyeingtheguy’severymove.Dude
wasshredded,nodenyingit.Hemadeweighteasily,thenplayedtothecrowd,kissingeachbicepsand
yellingnonsense.

Mikewasreadyforhimassoonashechargedoffthescaleinhisdirection,andsowerehisteamand

thestaffathisside.Fistsatthereadyforthestare-down,Meyersdidn’tstopuntiltheywereeye-to-eye,
nose-to-nosewhilehisstinkingbreathblastedMikeinthefaceandthemenaroundthemtriedtoinsinuate
themselvesbetweentheirkeyed-upbodies.

“Youneedamintifyou’regonnakissme,motherfucker,”Mikegrowledathim.
Frank’sgappedteethflashedinaparticularlygruesomegrinandhemovedtospeakdirectlyinto

Mike’sear,makinghisskincrawl.“GotDugas’swifeandsisterdoingyourworkforyounow,huh?
Whichoneofthemdidyoustickitto,huh?Orwasitboth?”Hemadeakissingnoise.

Playitcoolmyass.Witheverythinghehad,Mikeshovedhimbackandswungaviciousright,but

securitywastherebetweenthembeforehecouldconnect.Pandemoniumeruptedonstageandinthe
crowd,everythingaconfusionofbodiesandarmsandrestraininghandswithflashbulbsgoingoff,people
shovingandcursingandshouting,whileMikeswattedsomeofthemasidelikefliesinhisdesperationto
gettoFrankMeyers’sthroat.Hewasgoingtoripthefuckerout;therewouldbenoneedforacagearound
themtomorrownight.Thiswasit.

“Mike,Mike,Mike!”ThentherewasJon’svoiceinhisearcuttingthroughtheredfuryragingthrough

hisveins,hisrestrainingarmsaroundhim.ButMikewasblindtoeverythingbutthebastardbeingherded
offtooneendofthestagewhilethepeoplearoundMiketriedtohustlehimtotheother.

Savannahdidn’tneedtobeworriedabouthim;sheshouldsaveherconcernfortheotherguy.
JonreleasedhimandthrewhishandsupindeferencewhenMikewhirledoutofhisrestrictingarms,

readytoswingatanyonewhotouchedhim,andthenamicrophonewasinhisfacesuddenly,Reid
Downingaskinghimquestionsabouthisstrategy.Mike’scaphadbeenknockedaskew,sohestraightened
itandtriedtobreathehimselfcalmagainbeforeansweringonautopilot.

Likehewantedtheotherguytoknowwhathehadplanned,anyway.Everyonehadastrategyuntilthey

gothitintheface.

“Goodjobplayingitcool,kid,”Jonsaidastheyexitedafterthecrisiswasaverted.
“Idon’thavethepatienceforyoursarcasm,J,”Mikeretorted,grabbingthecoconutwatersomeone

offeredhimandguzzlingitdown.Itwasvileshit,he’dalwaysthoughtso,buthewould’vedrunkswamp
wateratthatpoint.“Idon’tknowwhyyoucare,anyway.Themorewegoateachother,themorepeople
loveit.”

“BecauseIdon’twanttoseeyoumissthisfightonaccountofsomeminordumbassinjuryyougotina

scufflethenightbefore,that’swhy.Butit’soveranddonewithnow.”

“Yeah.”Itwasoveranddonewith.Nothingleftbutthebeatdown.

ChapterTwenty-Four

IfnotforZane,Savannahmightnothavehadthecouragetogothroughwithherplans.Butshewas
desperate,andthroughRowan,shelearnedZanewasalreadyinMexicoCityforthefight.Shewasableto
arrangeherflight,buthesetherupinalavishhotelandgotacaranddriverwhowasavailableather
whim.Kindofniceknowingpeopleinhighplaces.

Healsodidn’twanthertotellMikeshewascoming.She’dprotestedandconsideredcallingMike

herselfdespiteZane’sdirectives,buthe’dshutherdownwhentheytalkedonthephone.

“Hishead’sinthegamenow,”Zanehadsaid.“Let’snotgomessingwithit.He’llknowyouwere

thereonceit’sdone,andhe’llneedyouwhetherit’stocelebrateorpickupthepieces.Butknowing
you’rewatchingmightthrowhimoff.”

Onceshemulledoveritmore,sherealizedthatshewouldfarratherMikewinthisfightforhimself,

ratherthanhaveanygallantnotionsofwinningitbecauseshewaswatching,ifhewouldbeinclined.This
washiscomeback;itwasallforhim.Ithadnothingtodowithher.

ShedecidedshelikedZaneprettywell.WhenRowanfinallydecidedtomoveon,shecoulddo

worse.

Beforeheadingovertothearenafromherhotelroom,shefoundthevideooftheweigh-in,atfirst

swooningalittleatthesightofMichael’schiseledbodywhenhestrippeddown,soleanandripped.Even
moresothansheremembered—histrainingwaspayingoff.Ifheavenwasmerciful,shewouldhavethose
musclesunderherhandstonight.Soundedasifabunchofothergirlsintheaudienceswoonedtoo—Too
bad,bitches—andifthatoneinsanelycuteringgirldidn’tgethereyesoffhisass—

Okay,focus.Zanehadtoldherthatthingshadgottenheatedtheretoo,thoughMikeseemedcalm

enoughsofarashesteppedbackintohissweats,lettingthemhanglowonhiships.Jesus,shewasgoing
toneedacoldshowerbeforeshewent.ShegotoneintheformofFrankMeyers,whocameoutboasting
andyellingandevenflippingsomeoneoffinthecrowd.Andthenshesataghastwithbuildingangeras
MeyerschargedatMikeafterweighingin,bothofthemspittingwordsateachotheruntilMikeshoved
himbackseveralfeetandswung.

Oh,God,shedidn’tevenwanttoimaginewhattheguyhadsaid.Whateveritwas,shewouldshudder

tothinkofseeingthefuryinMike’seyesdirectedather.Thepeoplesurroundingthemcouldbarelyhold
himback,thoughMeyerswasgoingeasily,grinningandslinginginsults.ShewishedMikewouldn’tlet
themangettohimthatway,becausethatwashisonlygoal,butshecouldonlyhopethatMikewasoneof
thosefighterswhoperformedbetterwhenhewasangry,becauseinthatcaseitwasalreadyover.Hewas
fuckingfurious.HewouldbeoutforbloodinawayheneverhadbeenwithTommy,eventhoughtheyhad
exchangedafewhostilitiesthemselves.

Asdarknessbegantofallacrossthecityoutsideherwindow,shepacedaholeinthecarpet,feeling

sickwithworry.Anddread,andneed.Thetimepassedtooslowly,butitpassedtooquicklyalso.Atlast,
itwastimetogo,sosheheadeddowntothelobbywherethecarwaswaitingoutside.She’dwantedto
skipthepreliminaryfights;thosewerenothingshecaredaboutseeing.

Thearenaseatedtwentythousandpeople.Ithadalreadysoldoutawhileback,butsomehow,pulling

hisstrings,Zanehadgottenherin.

Istilldon’twanttowatch,

SavannahtextedRowan,feelingherheartinherthroatas

theexcited,buzzingcrowdmilledaroundherinthelobbyofthearena.I’msoscaredtogoin.

Thereplywasalmostimmediate.Gointhereandbethereforyourman,

Savannah.Andstoplookingaway.Ifhe’stakingit,youtakeitwith
him.

Herbreathwhooshedoutatthosewords.Okay.Shecoulddothat.Forhim.Herbiggestfearwasthat

shewouldhaveapanicattack,orfreakout,orfaintandhavetobecarriedout.

Butshedidn’thavetimeforthattoday.Mikewouldneedherthereattheend.Shehoped.
Whatifhedidn’t?Whatifshesawhimafterwardandwasgreetedwiththatsamecoldaloofness

she’dheardonthephonethelasttimethey’dspoken?

Itdidn’tmatter.Shehadtotry.Thiscouldn’tendwithoutherdoingeverythinginherpowertofightfor

it.

Mikehadbarelysleptthenightbefore,butthatwasthenormforhimbeforefightnight.Hedidn’thaveany
delusionsofescapingthisonerelativelyunscathed.Itwasgoingtobebrutal.Meyerslikedtogoforthe
chokeout,soMikewasgoingtohavetokeephimonhisfeetandwearhimdown.ToobadFrank’s
standinggamewasjustasgoodashisgroundgame.ButMikewouldrathergooutonhisfeetthanonhis
back,cryinguncle,tappingformercy.Hewouldpassthefuckoutfromoxygendeprivationbeforehelet
thathappen.

Thereyougothinkingaboutlosingagain.
“Yougotthistonight,kid,”Jonsaidastheysatinthedressingroom,untilnowsharingthecharged

silencebeforeMike’swalkout.Silenceexceptfortherumbleoftherestlesscrowdbeyondthewalls.“I
feelitinmyblood.YouworkeddamnhardtogethereandIcouldn’tbeprouder.”

“Thanks.”Jonmightfeelvictoryinhisblood,butMikeonlyfeltSavannahinhis.Hefiddledwiththe

lightobjectinhisglovedhand,onlyabletofeelitwiththetipsofhisfingers.Hisgood-luckcharm.The
smooth,coolstone,thetipoftheprong.Herearring.Theoneshe’dlaughinglytoldhimhe’dfuckedher
outof.He’dfounditonthefloorunderneaththeveryedgeofhisbedashewaspackingtocometo
MexicoCity,andmaybeheshould’vesentitbacktoher,buthe’dkeptit.

Untilnow,he’dtriedtokeepmemoriesofheratadistance,asurvivaltactic.Hethoughthe’d

succeededfairlywell.Butwithitallcomingdowntothisnight,heletherimagesswirlthroughhishead,
sweetandunfettered.Whatwasshedoing?Wherewassheatthisverymoment?Wassheworriedabout
him?Ofcourseshewouldbe,ifshecaredabouthimatall.Helikedtothinkshedid.

Nowdamnsurewasn’tthetimetobequestioningwhetherornothe’ddonetherightthing,madethe

rightdecision.Whetherhewasintherightplace.Hequestioneditnonetheless.Becausethesimpletruth
ofitwasthatrightnowhecouldbewithSavannah,lookingintohereyes,holdingher,insteadofrolling
aroundonthefloorinasweatytangleoflimbswithFrankMeyers.Whenhethoughtaboutitlikethat,
therewasnocontest.He’dfuckedup.

Buthe’dthoughthehadsomethingtoprove,soherehewas.He’dchosenhispath;hewouldfollowit

toitsdestination,whateverthatmightbe.

Aknocktappedatthedoor,signalingitwastimetogetserious.
Jonlookedathimandblewoutabreath.“Ready?”
Mikeputhisfisttohislips,thenslippedSavannah’searringintothepocketofhissweatshirt.He

pulledhishoodoverhishead.JonputhisfistsupandMikebumpedthemwithhisglovedones.“Let’sdo
it.”

ThelightswentoutandSavannahpracticallyjumpedinherseat.

“Areyouokay?”Damienaskedatherside,shoutingtobeheardovertheroarofthespectators,and

shenoddedquickly.She’dnevermetMike’syoungestbrotherbeforetonight,butZanehadsenthimover
tomakesureshewasokay.

SavannahhadonlythoughtMike’seyeswereintense.Whattheseguyslackedinfamilialresemblance

—therewaspracticallynoneinDamien’scase—theymadeupforintheirsharedconfidence,akindof
fightingspiritthathadcertainlybeenresponsibleforthemescapingthehorrorsMikehaddescribedtoher
abouttheirchildhood.She’dbeeninDamien’scompanyforapproximatelyfiveminutesandwas
intimidatedashellbyhim.

Likenow,forinstance.Shedidn’thavetoscrutinizehimtoknowhecouldtellshewasabsolutelynot

okay,andwouldn’tbeuntilthiswasover.Oddlyenough,though,hewasstayingathersideinsteadof
reclaiminghisspotatcageside.Onewouldthinkhisloyaltytohisbrotherwouldsupersedehis
babysittingastrangerwhowasonthevergeofananxietyattack.

Musicthunderedthroughthearena,aheavyrocksongsherecognizedasoneofZane’scalled

“Incensed.”ShehadnoddedalongtoitthenightoftheAugustonFireconcert,butnowshestoodfrozen
asalightshoweruptedaroundthecageandspotlightsroamedrestlesslyovertheheatedcrowd.Huge
screenssuspendedabovethecageshowedMike,thechallenger,walkingthehallwaytoenterthearena.

Thehoodofhisblacksweatshirtwaspulledsolowoverhiseyesshecouldbarelyseeanythingbuta

shadowunderneath,butgrimdeterminationsethisfulllipsinatightlineandhisjawcouldhavebeen
chiseledfromgranite.Hemovedwiththegracesheremembered,rollinghisheadfirsttooneshoulder
thenaroundtotheother,looseninghisarmsouttobothsides.Histeamwalkedoneithersideofhim,their
faceslikestone,withsecurityontheoutskirtsofthegroup.Theymadetheturntoenterthearena,andthe
spotlighthitthemafewsectionsofftoherleft.

Shecaughtaglimpseofhim—itwasn’thardwiththewayhetoweredovereveryoneelse—amidthe

fanstryingtogetinclosertotouchhimorgetahigh-five,butmostlyshewatchedhimobligethemonthe
overheadscreens.Forthemostpart,thesecurityofficerskeptpeopleaway,butifahandreachedoutfor
him,Mikemadeeveryefforttoshakeit,bumpitorslapit.Overtheloudspeakers,Zanesangon—itmust
givehimathrillforhisbigbrothertousehismusicforhiswalkouttofacethechampion.OfcourseMike
woulddothatforhim,shethought,feelingasurgeofemotionshedidn’tneedontopofthepanicroilingin
herstomach.

Alltoosoonhewasatcageside,strippingtohisshortsforthepatdown.Sherememberedonce

askingTommywhytheyhadtogetpatteddownwhentheywerealreadyshirtless;he’dlong-sufferingly
explaineditwastomakesuretheyhadnothingontheirbodiestomakethemslickortoirritatetheir
opponent’seyesinagrapple.Madesense.

Donewithalloftheprecautionarychecks,Mikeboltedupthestepsintothecage,intohisdomain.

Cameraflasheseruptedalloverthearenaashewaved,andSavannahhadthealmostuncontrollableurge
todashfromherseat,runtohim,anddraghimoutofthere.Mine,he’smine;hedoesn’tbelongtoyou
people!Hewasintheretogetpummeledtoprovesomethingtoallofthem,buthedidn’tneedtoprovea
damnthingtoherforhertolovehim.Whyhadhechosenthemoverher?

Oncehisadulationdieddown,theprocessbeganafresh,thistimewiththeheavyweightchamp.He

didn’tlookstonyfacedwithconcentration.Helookedlikeabastardcometodestroysomethingprecious
toher,andshehatedhimrightthen.ItrandeeperthanhisbeingMike’sopponenttonight—shehatedhim
forusingTommytobolsterhisimage,tobreakMikedownandmakehimselflooklikeahero.Michael
wastheonlyherohere.

Andthecrowdknewit.Meyershadhischeeringsection,butagoodportionofthecrowd,including

severalpeoplesurroundingSavannah,wasundeniablyhostile.Itwarmedherheart.

Thetwofighterswereintroduced.Theywerebroughttothecenterofthering,wheretherefereewent

overtheinstructions.Twinpillarsofmusclestaredeachotherdown,Mikelookingalmostpassivefrom
whatshecouldseeonthescreens,Meyersopenlyglaring.Whenthereftoldthemtotouchgloves,Mike
puthisup.Meyersknockedthemaway,garneringabarrageofboosandcatcallsfromtheaudience.

“I’ddamnsurehatetobethatguy,”Damiencommentedalmosthappily.Savannahhadbeenso

engrossedshe’dalmostforgottenhewasthere.

“Youthinkhe’sgoingtowin?”sheaskedhim,feelinghopeful.
“He’dbetter,orelseI’mgoingtoloseametricfucktonofmoney.”
Well.“Ican’tbelieveI’mhere.”
“It’llbeallright,”Damienassuredher.Yeah,shecouldrememberwalkingintoanotherarenamuch

likethisoneafewmonthsback,tellingherselfthesamething.Shedidn’thavetimetoponderit.Thebell
soundedandtheguyscameoutoftheircorners,fistscockedandreadytofireastheycircledeachother.

Theywerewellmatched,ofasimilarheightandweight.Michaelhadtheadvantageonreach,asshe

knewfromwatchingtheirpastfightonYouTube.ThetwotradedjabswhileSavannahheldherbreath,
wincingwitheachone.Miketookaviciouskicktothelegsheheardfromherseat,andshealmost
whippedherheadaway,butRowan’swordsranginhermind,stoppinghershort.Hewasfine;he’d
barelyreacted,simplykeepinguphiscool,calculating,circlingaroundMeyers.Lookingforhisshot.
Morejabswerethrown,someconnecting,warmingthemup,pissingthemoff.Shecouldseetheanimosity
rising,theaggression.

ThenMeyerswentforthetakedown.Theyslammedtothemat,eachscramblingforaholdonthe

other,untilMikesuddenlybrokefreeandleaptbacktohisfeetwiththelitheeleganceofacat.Buthe
didn’tgivehisopponentthechancetostraighten,attackingwithaseriesofblowsthathadtorattlethe
champhard.ThenexttimeshewasabletoglimpseMeyers’sface,bloodtrickledfromacutoverhiseye.
Itonlymadehimlookmoreferal.HelitintoMikewithaflurryofpunchesthatbackedhimuptothe
fence.Mikeblockedandslippedhiswaypast;almostbeforesherealizedhe’devenmoved,hedelivered
akicktotheheadthatsentMeyerstothemat.Thecrowdwentbananasashewentinforthegroundand
pound,andSavannahhopedtoGoditwasalreadyabouttobeover.Butno,Meyerscouldbeslipperytoo.
Hegotawell-placedelbowinonMike’sjawand,afterasuddenscramble,hewasontop.

Savannahdidn’tknowthejiu-jitsumovesorwhattheywerecalled,butwhateverwashappening

there,itdidn’tlookgood...apainfultangleoflimbsthatmadeevenherownmuscleshurt.Sheheard
Damiencursebesideher.MeyerspoundedMikeintheface—one,two,three,four,ohGod,Ican’tlook
—butshestaredonwithbottomliptrembling.Mikewastryingtomakesomethinghappen,shecouldtell.
..aseriesofslowmaneuverstoescapewhateverholdFrankhadputhimin.ButFrankwaspushingto
completetheholdtoo,toeventuallymakeMikesubmit,soitwasabattleofsheerstrengthandendurance.
Patience,hanginthere,baby,shethought,bringinghertightlylacedfingerstoherlips.Theclockwas
runningdownonthefirstround;hewasalmosthome.

Thesoundofthebuzzerwasmusictohisears,andthatpissedhimthefuckoff.Meyers,forcedtorelease
him,cursedandshovedhisheadawaytogobacktohiscorner.Jonwaswaitingwithwaterandanass-
reaming.

“Showmemorecombos,Mike,”hesaid,andthepackoficetheyrubbedoverhisshouldersfeltlike

pureheaven.“Itoldyou.Areyounothearingmeoutthere?”

Mikestayedsilent,fingerswrappedthroughthefence,headboweduntiltheygothimastool.He

wasn’tgoingtowasteanyenergyonspeaking.

“Stayoffthecage.Thisisn’thisfight,thisisyourfight.Iwantyoutouseyourlegs,thewaywe

trained.Hehasn’tbeenpreparingtodefendagainstthatkindofattack.”Itallbledintothebackgroundas
someonepouredwaterdownhisthroat.Hisfight,anditwasshitsofar.Heglaredacrossthecageat
Meyersinhisowncorner.IfMikewasn’tcareful,ifheletthenextfourroundsgolikethatonehad,thenit
wouldgotoadecision...andhewouldlose.Again.

Jon’slastwordsmanagedtoregister.“Getyourheadinit,boy.Getyourheartinit,don’tfadeouton

me.”

Thatwastheproblem.Neitherwashere.Twentythousandpeoplewerechantinghisnamerightnow,

andhecouldn’tgivelessofafuck.Theonlythingmotivatinghimatallwasthattheassholeontheother
sidehaddisrespectedSavannahandherfamily.Therewasthatscoretosettle.

“Areyouallright,Mike?”
“I’mgood.Let’sgo.”
Andhisminuterespitewasover—aminuteinthecageneverwentasfastasaminuteinthecorner.
Frankcameathimhard,closingthedistancebetweenthemandtyinghimup.Allright.Mikeanswered

withtwoquickuppercutsandthenatethekneeFrankthrewathim.Hefelthislipsplitopen,butitwasn’t
painsomuchassimpleawarenesshe’dsustainedaninjury.Adrenalinedidfunnythingstothepain
receptors.AquickcombinationofpunchestoFrank’shead,gettinga“Yeah!”fromJon,andhewasfreeto
deliverastingingkicktotheribs.Oh,yes,hesawthatgrimace—itwastheonlythingbeautifulabout
Meyers’sbloodyface.Mikehadnointentionoflettingthebellsavehisassthistime.

Heconservedhisenergy,planningforthistogototheduration;hehadnodelusionsofaquickend.

Frankmightbeabastard,buttherewasareasonhewasthechampwithveryfewlossesbehindhisname.
Itwasallpureenduranceandskill.Knowingwhichformoffightingtocalluponatanygivenmoment.
Theytanglednexttothecage,Jonyellingathimtogetbacktocentermat—IfuckingwouldifIcould,J—
theyrolledacrossthefloor,andatlastMikemanagedtorollhimintoafullmount,pummelingFrank’s
faceuntilbloodsprayedthemat.Leftright,leftright.Nothinghadfeltbetterinalong,longtimethan
feelingthoseimpactsjarringuphisarms.ForSavannah,youasshole.Therefcameinclose,waitingfor
Franktodrophisdefensesohecouldcallit,butitdidn’thappen.Thechampwasamess;bloodcovered
hisface,buthekeptthosehandsuptoguardhisface,finallymanagingtotwisttohissideunderMike’s
weightasthebuzzersounded.

Fuck!Ifhe’dhadtwentymoreseconds,thatmighthavebeentheend,asFrank’sfacewasaboutto

repeatedlybecomethetargetofMike’strip-hammerrightfist.

Jonhadnothingbutpraisethistime.Itwaseasiertolistento.
“Youseehim,Mike?YouseewhatIsee?”heaskedexcitedlyasMikewastoweledoffandicedand

hiscutsexamined.

“He’soutofbreath,”Mikesaid.
“Fucker’stiredandhe’shurt,”Jonsaid.“Itoldyou.Youtrainedharder,youtrainedsmarter,andnow

he’sallyours.Gogethim.”

HesawitastheroundbeganandMeyersstayedawayfromhim,hismouthwideopen,showinghis

darkmouthguard.Hewassuckingair.Hiscutsoozedblood.ButMikewasn’tgoingtostartcelebrating
quiteyet,despiteJon’speptalk.Inhislongfightingcareer,he’dunderestimatedopponentsbeforetodire
results.

Meyerswashurt,buthe’dwonthebeltcoveredinbloodtoo.

ChapterTwenty-Five

“Meyersisfading,”Damiensaid,watchingthetwofighterscircleeachotherasroundthreebegan.

“Youthinkso?”Savannahaskedhopefully.Itlookedthatwaytohertoo—Mikewasfarlessbloody

andlookedfarmorealert,butsheknewadirtybastardmightstillhavesomedirtytricks.“Comeon,
Mike,”shemutteredtonooneinparticularand,notforthefirsttime,wishedhecouldknowshewas
there.

Therecameatimeineveryfightwhenhethoughtitwouldneverend.Timeseemedtostopanditwasasif
he’dalwaysbeenhereandalwayswouldbe,andtherationalpartofhimthatknewthatwasn’tthecase
fadedintothebackground.Itwaswhenhiskillerinstinctemerged—aphrasehedidn’tlikeanymore,not
sinceTommy.ButthatmomentcameinroundfourwithMeyers’sarmlockedaroundhisthroat.

Mike’sopponenthadmadeitthroughthethirdbyrunningfromhim.Ithadfrustratedthefuckoutof

him,evenifitwassmartstrategytotakearestwhilemakingMikechasehim.Ithadendedwiththem
hurlinginsultsateachother,therefkeepingthemapartastheirteamsranintopullthembacktotheir
corners,firingupthecrowdagainafteralacklusterround.Problemwas,theexchangehadfiredup
Meyerstoo.

Bothofthemwereequallybloodynow,neitherhavingbeenabletogettheupperhandforlong.The

lightbluematwasliberallysmearedwiththecrimsonevidenceoftheirbattle.WhenMikewasonall
fours,hecouldwatchitdripthicklyfromhisheadallthewaydownandsplatterasifinslowmotion.Jon
hadbeguntolookworriedagain.

Now,though,Meyershadhimonthematinachokehold,andthoughhewasabletodefendenoughto

breathe,Mikeknewatanymoment,withonewrongmove,hecouldbechokedunconscious.Hebreathed
asbesthecouldaroundMeyers’srestrainingforearm,takingtheopportunitytorestandstillremainon
guardwhileanticipatinganyandeverymoveMeyersmightmakenext.

Thecrowdwasirrelevant;they’dfadedintonothingalongtimeago.Sameaswhenhewasakid;he’d

nevergivenafuckwhowaswatchingandshouting,whowasrootingforwhom.He’deatenhisshareof
dirt,grass,orasphaltwhiletheotherguy’sfriendscheered—itdidn’tbotherhimany.Nowitwassimply
onafarbiggerscope.

Slowly,hebegantofighthiswayout.Aseriesofelbowjabs,shiftinghiships,pushingthematwith

hisfeet,andsuddenlyMeyers’sarmloosenedandMikesprangtohisfeet.Thanksfortherest,asswipe.
Noweatthis.HegreetedMeyers’svagusnervewithaswiftkick,allhisaccumulatedpowerbehindit,
staggeringhisopponent.Thenhespearedhimrightbacktotheground.Meyers,disoriented,threwaleft
fromunderneath.Thankyou.Mikecaughtit,pinningthearmbetweenhisleftshoulderandMeyers’shead.
Assoonashehadthetrianglesetup,hescrambledofftohisright,puttingpressureonthecarotidartery,
cuttingoffair.

Goodnight,motherfucker.
Frankwasn’tlettingthatbeltgosoeasily,though.Mikedidn’tgetthesatisfactionofMeyerstapping.

TherefjumpedinandendeditjustasFrank’sbodybegantoslackenasunconsciousnesssetin.

He’dwon.

Savannahalmostcouldn’tcomprehendwhatwashappeninguntilDamienwasonhisfeetyellingand
pullingherupwithhim.

What?Itwasover?
MikerolledoffMeyers,whomovedaboutinadaze.Mikecametohiskneesinthemiddleofthe

blood-smearedfloorwhilearoarwentupfromthecrowd,thenfellovertohishands,hisbackheaving
withhispantingbreath.Bloodstilldrippedfromhiscut.HewastheonlythingSavannahcouldseeas
Damiengrabbedherarmandtheytoretheirwaythroughthejostlingbodiestothecage,whereZanemet
themandpropelledSavannahforward.

Mike’steamwasalreadyinthere,hoistinghimuptohisfeetagain,purejubilationonalltheirfaces.

Anolderman,presumablyhiscoach,grabbedbothsidesofhisheadandthenyankedhimintoafierce
hug.WithZaneandDamienhustlingheralong,sheclimbedthestepsatarunanddashedtowardhim.

Overhiscoach’sshoulder,hiseyesmethers.
Pleasewantme,please...
“Savannah?”Shecouldn’thearthesoundofhernamefromhislipsinthetumultaroundthem,butshe

sawit.Heslippedpasthiscoach,walkingtowardher,nooneelseintheentirebuilding,intheentire
world,butthetwoofthem.Goingtohiskneesinfrontofher,hewrappedbotharmsaroundherwaistand
restedhiswearyheadagainstherstomach,whereshecradledhimgentlyanddroppedkissesandtearson
hisshorthair.“OhGod,baby,”hegroaned,andsomehowsheheardhim.“OhmyGod.You’rehere.I
can’tbelieveyou’rehere.”

“Isawtheeagleagain!”sheexclaimed.“Tommy’seagle.Iknewhewastellingmetogetmyasshere,

Michael,Ijustknewit,and—Thatwasamazing!”

Hecutheroffbysurgingupand,withabone-crushinghug,liftedherfeetoffthefloor,hismingled

sweatandbloodsmearingacrossherclothes,butshegavenotonesingledamn.Itcouldminglewithher
tearstoo.Whetheritwasadrenalinestillpumpingorexhaustionoremotion,hewasshakingagainsther.

Damienslappedhimontheback,though,andsheonlyreluctantlylethimturntolookathisbrother.

“Yourealizeyoucameintothisastheunderdog,right?”Damiensaid.

“So?”
“Soyoumademeanicechunkofchangetonight,bigbrother.Thanks.”
Mikelaughed.“Thanksforbettingonme,atleast.”
“Always.”WithagrinandawinkatSavannah,heleftthemtotheircelebration.
FrankMeyershadcollectedhimselfoffthematandambledovergrimfacedforagrudginghandshake.

MikeloweredSavannahtothefloorandgraciouslyaccepted.Thentheformerchampionbackedawayto
lethisteamexaminehiswounds.

“Wegottalookatthatcut,Mike,”Jonsaid,andthoughSavannahwantedtopoutoverbeingdeprived

ofhisarmsaroundheragain,sheknewheneededtogetcleanedup.Sheonlyrealizedthenhowmuchshe
wasstillshakingherself.Shealsoonlyrealizedexactlyhowmassivethiscrowdwaswhenshelooked
aroundatitfromthemiddle.Wow.

Hereshewas,surroundedbytwentythousandstrangersandmillionswatchingathome.She’dbeenin

thearmsofthemantheworldthoughtsheshouldhate.Butshelovedhim.Oh,God,howshelovedhim
rightthen.

Itwashisarmthatwasliftedbytherefereewhenhisnamewascalledasthenewundisputed

heavyweightchampion,hiswaistthebeltwentaround,hisfacethatwasareflectionofthevictory,
emotion,andabsoluterapturehemusthavefeltrightthen.Frankevenbroughthiminforahugafterward,
shakinghandswithJonaswell.SavannahtriedtostaybackandletMikehavehismomentofglory,but
whenhewasapproachedforthepostfightinterview,hereachedanarmouttoher.Shewenttimidlytohis

side.Thequestionwascoming;theybothknewit.Thathewantedherbyhissidewhenhehadtoanswer
itbroughtafreshwashoftearsdownhercheeks.Butfirsthewasaskedabouthisexpectations,his
training,hisstrategy.Thenitwastime.

“Mike,therewerealotofwordsexchangedbetweenyouandFrankaboutTommyDugas.Howdid

thataffectyoucomingintothefight?”

MiketurnedhisheadtolookdownintoSavannah’seyesbeforeanswering.“Dan,thisisTommy’s

sister,Savannah,standingbymyside.Ididn’tdothisforme,”hesaid,pullingthebeltfromhiswaist.
“ThisisforTommy,wholovedthissport,whowouldhavefoughtonifthetableshadbeenturned.He
wasagreatcompetitor.Idon’tdoubtthathewouldhavebeenstandinghereoneday,becausehewouldn’t
havequit.It’snotmyself,butTommy’smemorythatIcareabouthonoringheretonight.”

Withanencouraginggrin,MikehandedSavannahthebelt,whileshestoodslack-jawed,gazingdown

atitsgoldeninscriptionsuncomprehendingly.Hertearsdrippedonit.Oh,God,howherbrotherwould
havelovedthis!

WhenMike’sarmloopedaroundherupperthighsandheliftedhereasilyintheairtothunderous

cheers,sheseizedthebeltwithbothhandsandhoisteditintotheairoverherhead.Thisisadream.
Thereweresomanypeople,somanycameras,somanyreporters.Foronce,shedidn’tcare;sheonly
hopedRowancouldseethis.Mikeslowlyturned,showingherofftoeveryone,hisfreehandintheair
wavingtothefans.Hesmiledupather.

Foryou,Tommy,shethought,laughingthroughhertears.Iloveyou.

ChapterTwenty-Six

“Here.Ithinkthisserveditspurpose.Youcanhaveitbacknow.”Mikeheldouthisclosedfisttoherand
Savannahlookeddownatit,puzzled.

“Whatisit?”Whensheopenedherhandtoacceptthecontentsofhis,shegaspedashedroppedher

lostearringontoherpalm.“OhmyGod!Youfoundit!”

ItwasdarkinsidetheSUVtakingthembacktohishotel,butshesawhisgrineasilyenough.“Ihope

youdon’tmindmeborrowingit.”

“Youkeptitwithyouallthistime?”
Henodded,staringintohereyes.Shedidn’tknowwhattosay.“Mygood-luckcharm,”hesaid,

keepinghisvoicelow.

“Ididn’tknowifyoustillfeltthesame,I...Iwassoscaredyoudidn’t.”
“Ido.Ialwayswill.”
Shegrinnedathimand,notknowingwheretheimpulsecamefrom,suddenlyfrowneddownasshe

inspectedthetinypieceofjewelryasshesaidloudly,“Hey,waitaminute.Thisisnotmyearring,
MichaelLarson.”

Hedidn’tmissabeat,shovinghishandintohispocket.“Oh,damn,mybad.Notthatone.Here,letme

see...”

Sheburstoutlaughing,unabletokeepuptheruseinhergiddinesstobenearhimagain.Eventheir

driver,privytotheirconversation,chuckled.Mikelaughedalongwithheruntilshefellagainsthisside,
exhaustedandpracticallysorefromthetensionthathadthrummedthroughherbodyallnight.Itwasall
gonenow.Butshecouldonlyimaginehowhefelt,hisanticsinthecagebeingthecauseofallhertension.
“Youcankeepit,youknow,”shetoldhimatlast.“Oryoucanborrowitwheneveryouneedluck.Wecan
pierceyourear,thenyoucanwearit.”

“Nah,that’sokay.I’vegotmyluckrighthere.”Hepressedasoftkisstoherforehead—soft,probably,

tonotdisturbhiscutliptoomuch.

“I’veinstitutedanewrulesincewe’vebeenapart,”shetoldhimlaterastheyplowedthroughthe

doorintothebedroomofhissuite,hishandsonherhips,hismouthatherneckheedlessofthecut.

Ithadtakentenforeverstogethere.Postfightpressconference.Photos.They’drubbedhimdown,

icedhim,andpatchedhimup.Now,finally,heandSavannahwerefree,butonlybecausethey’d
practicallyshutthedooronhisstillcelebratoryteam.Theyhadsomecelebratingoftheirowntodo.

“Ohyeah?”heasked,nuzzlingagainstherearandsendingshiversthroughherashespoke.“What’s

that?”

“Ionlyfuckheavyweightchampions.”
“Thenyou’reintherightplace,baby.”
“Mmm,indeedIam.”
“ThankGodMeyersdidn’twin.”
Sherecoiledinhorror.“Thatwouldn’thavehappened,Icanassureyou.”Theypausedbythebedand

shegentlycaughthischeeksinherhands,pullinghimbacktoobserveallofhishurts.“Areyousure
you’reupforthis?”

“Darlin’,thereisnothingbetterafterafighttoworkouttherestoftheaggression.”

“Iguessyouspeakfromexperience,”shesaidwryly,gettingalaughfromhim.
“Alittle.Sorry.”
Stillsheworried,keepingherkissesandtouchesgentleasshestrippedoffhisshirtandheridherof

herpeskyjeansandT-shirt.“Youmustbeinpain,”shemurmured,distressedastheyfellbackonthebed
andhewincedabit.

“There’sonlyonepainI’mfeelingrightnow.”Hedrewherhanddowntowhereshecouldfeelhis

fiercerigidlengththroughhisshorts.God,ithadseemedlikeforever.“You’vegottheremedyforthat.”

“Mmm.”Lovingthesilkyslideofthefabricbetweentheirheatedskin,shedelightedherselffora

momentinrubbinghimthroughhisshortswhilehiseyesclosedandhisheadsankdeeperintohispillow.
Whensheslippedherhandintohiswaistband,hegroanedintorment,hishandencirclingherwristthough
heexertednoforcetostopher.Herwristfeltsodelicateinhissizablegrip;anotherflushofpleasure
washedthroughher.Hiscockpulsedinthecircleofherfingers.

“God,Iwon’tlastlong,”hegroundoutasshecontinuedtostroke.“Ihaven’ttoucheditinamonth.”
Shegiggled.“Youbuyintothatwholeabstinencebeforeafightthing?‘Womenweakenlegs’?”

AnotherRockyquote.

“Youweakenme,thatmuchIknow.”
“Youfeelprettystronghere,”shequipped,nibblingathisneckassheextendedherreachtocuphis

balls,drawnupsotight.“Aw,soneglected.”Hehissedinabreathassheplayed.

“Savannah,Ihaven’tcomeinmyshortssinceIwasateenagerandIdamnsuredon’tmeantodoit

now.”

Suddenly,hesurgedupandoverher,pinningherbeneaththeweightofhisbodyasshegaspedand

spreadherthighstoaccommodatehiships.“Weakmyass.”

Hisonlyreplywasadarklaugh.Hesatup,reachingintohiswaistbandtopullhiscockout,givingit

anunhurriedstrokeashergreedygazeateupthesight.Hisotherhandreachedforthecottonpanelofher
pantiesbetweenherlegs,wrenchingitasideinhisfist.Oh,God.Savannahtiltedherhipsup,waiting,
waiting.

Buthedidn’tfillthatachingemptinessyet.Hebentdownandgaveheronelong,languidlick,fromthe

flatofhistongueatherentrancetothetiponherclit,tearingacryfromherthroat.Andanother.And
another.“Fuck,you’resweet,”hemurmuredtheninadesperaterushofbreath,easingdownandsettling
onhisstomach.Yes.

Andhetookhistime,makingupforthatmonthofmiserybyunabashedlyworshipingbetweenher

legs.Itwastheonlywayshecoulddescribewhathedidtoher,howhelookedatherupthelengthofher
body,howhemoanedintoherhot,needfulfleshashewatchedherbodycomealiveandthrobforhim.

“Michael,Michael,Michael,”shechanted,herhandsgoingtohishead.Histongueflickeredacross

herlikedampfire,ormaybeitwasherbodythatwasburningwhilehemerelystokedithigherandhigher.
Hishandswenttoherbreasts,hernipplespeekingbetweenhisfingers.“Please...”

“Tellmewhatyouwant,”hesaid,thewordssendingmaddeningvibrationsthroughher.
Shewantedeverything.This.Him.Insideher.Outsideher.Allaround,everywhere,allthetime,from

nowon.“You!”shecriedwithalittlesobbinghitchinhervoice.

“Youhaveme.”
“Forever?”
“Aslongasthere’sbreathinmybody,darlin’.Andbeyond.”
Savannahreachedforhimthen,drawinghimupherbodywiththegentlestoftouches,andhekissed

herallthewayuntiltheirmouthsjoinedintenderfusion;shewascarefulnottoexerttoomuchpressure
onhiscutlip.Sheallowedherhandstoroamoverhischestandaroundtohisback,testingthefirmnessof

hismuscleswithhernails.Beforethiswasover,shethought,shemighthaverippedhimtoshreds.Hefelt
goodoverher,atoncepossessiveandprotective.Big.Everywhere.Especiallythatrock-hardweight
restingonherthighrightnow,mereinchesawayfromwheresheneededit.Hishandslippedbetween
theirbodiestobringhimtoher.

“Slow,”hewhispered,drawingthewordoutasheentered...butslowwastooweakaword.He

movedlikeicecreammeltingonahotsummerday.LiketheapproachofChristmasmorningwhenitwas
onlyNewYear’s—becauseitseemedtotakeayearbeforehewasnestledallthewayinside,deep,
throbbing,andtheywerebothbreathlessandshudderingandslickedwithsweat.Hefilledher,body,
heart,andsoul,hisforeheadrestingagainsthers,theshakingbreathstheysharedeachother’s.

Andmaybehewasn’tthefirsttobehere,butshedamnsurewantedhimtobethelast.
“Iloveyou,”hewhispered.
Herheartburstwithjoyandherhandswenttohischerishedface.“Iloveyou.Oh,God,Michael,I

loveyou,andIwon’tleaveyouagain.”Becausethatwaswhatshehaddone;hemight’vebeentheoneto
walkoutofherapartment,butshe’dlefthimwhenheneededhermost,andshewouldcarrytheguiltto
hergrave.

“I’llgiveitupforyou,”hesaid,startingtomove,startingtomakeherdiealittlewitheverypush.
“Iwon’tmakeyou.Justbesafeforme.”
“Iwill.”Itwasthemostimportantpromisehecouldmaketoherrightnow.Sheclosedhereyes,

prayedshewasn’tdreaming,andlethimloveheruntiltearsleakedfromhereyesfromthebeautyofit.

Afterward,whentheylaystaringateachotherinsweetexhaustion,hedrewherlefthanduptolookat

herhearttattoo.“Ithinkyoumusthavehiddenitfrommeatfirst.Heldyourfingerstogether,or
something.”

Herlipscurledinadrowsysmile.“Maybeyoujustdidn’tseeituntilitwastherighttime.”
“Didyoureallyseetheeagleagain?”
“Idid.Maybeitwasn’ttheeagle,butonewasthere.AndIknowit’ssilly,butItookitasasign.”
“Whyisthatsilly?”
Shelethergazecaresshisbelovedface.“BecauseIrealizenowthatIdidn’tneedit.Iknewcoming

toyouwastherightthingallalong.”

“I’llspendtherestofmylifemakingsureyouneverregretit.”
“That’salongtime,”shesaid,givinghimateasingpinch.
Helookedatherforalongtime,hisblueeyeswarmerthanshe’deverseenthem.“Notlongenough.”

Acknowledgments

Thisbookwouldn’thavebeenwrittenwithoutthetrustandencouragementofmyeditor,RoseHilliard.
Thankyouforbelievinginme.Tomyagent,LouiseFury,whowasthereformeevenatteno’clockona
FridaynightwhenIthoughttheworldwasending:youareamazing!

Asalways,thankstomyhusbandandfellowRockyenthusiast,wholetsmechasemydreamsand

listenstoallthemeltdownsthatgowiththeterritory.Asafightfan,healsohadsomeveryhelpfulinput
onthataspectofthisstory,butanymistakesaremyown.

Andamillionthankstothereadersandbloggerswhohaveboughtmybooks,reviewedthem,and

helpedspreadthewordaboutthem.You’vestuckbyme.You’vebeenpatient.Youareallsowonderful
andsupportive,andIcannotthankyouenough.You’vechangedmylife,andIloveyouall.

StaytunedforthenextromanceintheLarsonBrothersseries!

CO MING SPRING 2017FRO MSMPSWERVE

AbouttheAuthor

A U TH O R P H O TO © R A C H EL C A MP B ELL

NewYorkTimesandUSATODAYbestsellingauthorCherrieLynnhasbeenaCPScaseworkeranda
juvenileprobationofficer,butnowthatshehascometohersenses,shewritescontemporaryand
paranormalromanceonthesteamyside.It’smuchmorefun!She’salsoanunabashedrockmusic
enthusiast,andisfondofhittingtheroadwithherhusbandtocatchtheirfavoritebandslive.

CherrielivesinEastTexaswithherhusband,kids,andapsychoticChorkie,allofwhomarethe

sourceofmuchmerriment,mischiefandmayhem.Youcanvisitherat

www.cherrielynn.com

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TableofContents

TitlePage

CopyrightNotice

Dedication

ChapterOne

ChapterTwo

ChapterThree

ChapterFour

ChapterFive

ChapterSix

ChapterSeven

ChapterEight

ChapterNine

ChapterTen

ChapterEleven

ChapterTwelve

ChapterThirteen

ChapterFourteen

ChapterFifteen

ChapterSixteen

ChapterSeventeen

ChapterEighteen

ChapterNineteen

ChapterTwenty

ChapterTwenty-One

ChapterTwenty-Two

ChapterTwenty-Three

ChapterTwenty-Four

ChapterTwenty-Five

ChapterTwenty-Six

Acknowledgments

AbouttheAuthor

CopyrightPage

Thisisaworkoffiction.Allofthecharacters,organizations,andeventsportrayedinthisnovelareeitherproductsoftheauthor’simagination

orareusedfictitiously.

RAWD EA L.

Copyright©2017byCherrieLynn.Allrightsreserved.Forinformation,addressSt.Martin’sPress,175FifthAvenue,New

York,NY10010.

www.stmartins.com

Jacketphotograph:Boxer©Dejanns/Shutterstock

ISBN978-1-250-12636-8(e-book)

FirstEdition:January2017

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