Naughty

BOSS

WhitneyG.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the

author ’simaginationorareusedfictitiously,andanyresemblancetoactualpersons,livingordead,
businessestablishments,events,orlocalesisentirelycoincidental.

Copyright©2016byWhitneyG.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or
otherwise,withoutpriorpermissionoftheauthor.

CoverdesignbyNajlaQamberofNajlaQamberDesigns

TableofContents

TitlePage
CopyrightPage
NaughtyBoss
THEBOSS
THEEMAILS
ONEYEARLATER...
THEASSISTANT
THEASSISTANT
THEBOSS
THEBOSS
THEEMAILS
THEASSISTANT
THEEMAILS
THEASSISTANT
THEASSISTANT
THEBOSS
THEASSISTANT
THEEMAILS
THEBOSS
THEBOSS
THEASSISTANT
THEEMAILS
THEASSISTANT
THEEMAILS|(Well,“TheEnd”)
ALettertotheReader
ASneakPeekofReasonableDoubt
Contract(n.):
Perjury(n.):
AlsobyWhitneyG.

ForNicoleLondon.

Thisisfortheendlessemailsyousendmewhileworkingatyourhorriblejobeveryday.

IcanhonestlysaythatIhateyourjob(andyourboss)morethanyoudo.

NaughtyBoss

Hedefinitelywasn’tsupposedtogetthatemail...

Subject:MyBoss.

HaveIalreadytoldyouthatIhatemybosstoday?
Sexyashellornot,thispompous,arrogant,ASSHOLEaskedmetopickuphisdrycleaningthe

secondIwalkedthroughthedoor.ThenhetoldmethatIneededtotakehisJaguartoacarwashthat
wastenmilesoutsideofthecity,butonlyafterIneededtostandinanever-endinglinetobuysome
typeoflimited,hundred-dollarwatch.

Ihonestlycan’twaittoseethelookonhisfacetwomonthsfromnowwhenItellhimthatI’m

quittinghiscompanyandthathecankissmyass.KISS.MY.ASS.

Allthoseformerfantasiesabouthimkissingmewithhis“mouthofperfection”orbendingme

overmydeskandfillingmewithhiscockarelongover.OVER.

Yourbestie,
Mya
PS—Pleasetellmeyourdayisgoingbetterthanmine...

Subject:Re:MyBoss.

No,youhaven’talreadytoldmethatyouhateyourbosstoday,butseeingasthoughyou’vesent

methisemaildirectly,Iknownow...

Yes,Ididaskyoutopickupmydrycleaningthesecondyouarrivedtoworktoday.(Whereisit?)

AndIdidtellyoutotakemyJaguartothecarwashandpickupmythousand-dollarwatch.(Thank
youfortakingfivehourstodosomethingthatcouldbeaccomplishedintwo.)

Youdon’thavetowaittwomonthsfromnowtoseethelookonmyfacewhenyoutellmeyou’re

quitting.I’mstandingoutsideyourofficeatthisverymoment.(Openthedoor.)

Nocommentonyour“fantasies,”althoughIhighlydoubtthey’re“longover.”
Yourboss,
Michael
PS—Yes.Mydayisdefinitelygoingfarbetterthanyours...

THEBOSS

Michael

Manhattan,NewYork

Thelasttimemyfacewasplasteredacrossthefrontpageofatabloid,theheadlinewasatleast
somewhattrue.WhatIwascurrentlystaringatinthismomentwasbeyondfar-fetched,evenfor
someonewithascandalousandsex-filledreputationlikemine.

PlayboyCEOofLeightonPublishingLeavesWomanCryinginHotelLobbyAfterHoursofLoudSex

onBalcony

IflippedthroughthepagesofTheNationalEnquirer,skimmingthedetailsfromtheso-called“trusted
source”whileresistingtheurgetorollmyeyes.Accordingtothem,I’dhadsexwiththiswomanin
thepenthousesuiteofahotelandsimplyputheroutsoIcouldhavesexwithsomeoneelse.And
accordingtothewomanwho’dclearlyconcoctedthisbullshitstory,shesaidmyexactwordstoher
were,“Thankyouforlettingmefuckyourpussy.It’stimeformetofucksomeoneelse’snow.You
canseeyourselfout.”

Therewasnomentionofthefactthatthisverysamewomanwasrecentlyconvictedforlyingtoa

grandjuryinatheftcase,buttabloidswereneverinterestedinthetruth.Theyonlywantedtosell
papers.

Imanagedtogetthroughtheentirearticlewithoutareaction,butIcouldn’thelpbutlaughatthe

lastline:Rumorsarenowswirlingthatthe‘naughty’CEOengagesinsexwithtwodifferentwomenfor
everydayoftheweek.Heapparentlykeepsaprivatescheduleforhissex-life.

Ishookmyhead.
It’sonlyonedifferentwomanforeverydayoftheweek...
Tossingthetabloidintothetrash,IrememberedtosendagenerictexttothewomenIplannedon

seeingthisweek.TherewasLisaonTuesday,MariahonWednesday,HannahonThursday,and
TiffanyonFriday.

Michael:Lookingforwardtoseeingyouthisweek.
Theirresponsescameinexactsuccession.
Lisa:Lookingforwardtoseeingyoutoo:)
Mariah:Can’twaittofuckyouagain...
Hannah:Letmeknowifyouwanttochangeittoanearlierday:)
Tiffany:Anytime:)

Withafewminutestospareuntilmysixo’clockmeeting,Isetaboxofpotentialfront-listnovelson
mydesk.Imadetwopotsofcoffeeandopenednewnotepads.ThenIimpatientlywaitedformy
executiveassistant.

I’dlonggivenuponherarrivingearlytomeetmeforanythingbecauseshewasalwaysfive

minuteslate.Sheliterallylivedrightacrossthestreetfromthebuildingandsheneverceasedto
amazemewithherendlessexcusesastowhyshecouldn’tbeontime.

Tenminutespastsix,Idecidedtogiveherthebenefitofthedoubt.Fifteenminutespastsix,I

wonderedifmypreviousthoughtsofherbeingthemostincompetentassistantI’deverhadweretrue,
andattwentyminutespastsixIcavedinandcalledherdesk.

“Yes,Mr.Leighton?”sheansweredonthefirstring.
“Didyouforgetthatwe’resupposedtodiscussthewinterselectionstoday?”Iasked.“Youknow

howIfeelaboutthingsneedingtobeontime.”

“Oh,right!Iamsosorry!Igotcaughtuponthesereports,butI’monmyway.”
Shehungup,andwithinminutesshewalkedintomyofficecarryingaboxofassignednovels.She

placeditonmydeskandsatacrossfromme.

“Wait.”Sheheldupherhand.“Beforewestart,canIaskyousomethingpersonal?”
“No.”
“Whatifit’ssomethingimportant?”
“Itcan’tbeimportantifit’ssomething‘personal,’becauseyou’renotentitledtoknowanything

aboutmypersonallife.”

“Areyoureallyasbadasallthetabloidssayyouare?”Sheraisedhereyebrow.“Like,whendo

youpossiblyfindthetimetosleepwithsomanywomensinceyou’realwayshereworking?”

Icould’veswornIsaidno...
Igaveherablankstare.
“IdeservetoknowwhattypeofmanI’mworkingfor,”shesaid,crossingherarms.“Especiallyif

thismanwantsmetokeepthetruthabouthowdifficultheistoworkforunderwraps.”

“Areyouthreateningtoblackmailme?”
“No.”Shesmiled.“Ijustreallywanttoknowifyoursexlifeisasexcitingasthepressmakesit

seem.Iactuallythinkit’sprettyhot,andofftherecord,Iamtotallywillingtolookpastthenon-
fraternizationpolicyifyoueverwanttotrymeout.”Sheloweredhervoice.“Icanbenaughtyinthe
bedroom,too.Icanletyouhavemypussy,andyoucanleavemehanginginthehotellobby
afterwardsifthat’swhatyou’reinto.”

Jesus...
“Canwepleasegetstartedwiththework?”Irolledmyeyes.“Ineedyourthoughtsonthetitles

youwereassignedsowecansendthemdowntomarketingtomorrow.”

“So,rightafterthatIcango?”
No,rightafterthatIcan‘fire’you...
“Yes.”Iclearedmythroat.“WhatdidyouthinkofGrisham’slatest?”
“Hislatestwhat?”
“Hislatestbook.”Ipointedattheboxshe’dbroughtin,attheadvancedcopyofTheWhistler.“It

wasoneofthethreelegalthrillersyouweresupposedtoreadthismonth.”

“Oh,yeah.”Shepickedupthehardbackandflippedthroughitspages.“Ithoughtitwasverygood.

Verylegal,verythrilling.”

“Canyoupleasebeslightlymorespecificthanthat?”

“Ireallylikedthebook’scoveralot.”Sheranherfingersacrossthecover.“Hereallypulledme

intothestorywithit,youknow?Thisimageoftheboatsdockedatanorangesunsetseawasquite
compelling.Ithinkthegraphicartistdefinitelydeservesanaward.”

Silence.
“We’llcomebacktothethrillers,”Isaidfinally.“Youwerealsosupposedtoreadfiveromance

novels.Whichonewouldyourecommendthemost?”

“Well,”shesaid,leaningforwardandpouringherselfacupofcoffee.“Itwasahardchoice,andI

domeanareallyhardchoice,but...OutoftheamazingonesIwasassigned,Ithinklovedtheonethat
endedinahappilyeverafterthebest.”

“Everyromancenovelendsinahappilyeverafter,Penelope.”Ifeltmybloodpressurerising.

“That’swhatmakesitafuckingromance.”

“Really?Wow.Ineverknewthat.So,IguessIlovedthemall!”
Istaredather,clenchingmyjaw.Ialwaysthoughtshewasontheincompetentsidefromthevery

dayshestarted,fromthemomentshesaid,“So,you’realiterarypublishingcompanyandyouonly
publishbooks?Whynotmovies?”Andsomehow,I’dmanagedtolookpastthat.Butthis?Thiswas
bullshitandshewasfarworsethananyofmyotherfailedandfiredassistants

“Haveyoureadanyofthefront-listbooks,Penelope?”
“No,butonlybecauseIdidn’tknowthatIpersonallyhadto.”Sheslurpedhercoffee.“Imeanthe

booksgotread,butyouneversaidthatIwasthepersonwhoactuallyhadtoreadthem.”

“Whatthehellareyousaying?”
“I’msayingthatI’mworkingreallysmarthere.Ihiredavirtualassistantandpaidheracouple

hundredbuckstoreadallofthem.Oh,andIsentafewofthemtosomebookbloggersonFacebook
thatIfollow.Theylike,totallyliveforthisreadingstuffsothey’llprobablyhavethoseARCsdone
evensooner.Canyoubelievetheylike,actuallyenjoyreading?”

“Letmegetthisstraight...”Itriedtokeepmyvoicecalm.“Ihiredyoutobemyexecutiveassistant

andyououtsourcedotherpeopletodoallyourwork?”

“Notallmywork.JustthestuffIdon’twanttodo.Imean,occasionally,I’llreadapageortwoto

keepmybrainrefreshed,butreadingisn’treallymything.Andyouonlygavemeamonthtoreadten
books.Ten,Mr.Leighton...That’stechnicallyhardlaborandIcouldsue.”

“Thisisafucking—”Icaughtmyself.“Thisisapublishingcompany.Wepublishbooks,and

booksbeing‘yourthing’istheveryfirstthingweaskedaboutonyourapplication.”

“Oh,Iliedaboutthatpart,butonlythatpart.EverythingelseIwrotewashonest,especiallythe

partaboutwantingtoworkunderasexyCEOforachange.”

“Penelope...”Iheldbackagroan.Ididn’tneedtowasteanymoreofmytimewiththis.“Youcan

getthehellofoutmyofficenow.”

“Really?”Shestoodupsmiling.“Iwashopingwe’dgetoutofhereearly.Myfavoriteshowwill

beoninanhour.Youknow,maybeyoushouldaskmetoreviewTVshows—I’msureI’dimpress
youthatway.”Sheshruggedandheadedtothedoor.“Seeyoutomorrow!”

Thesecondsheleftmyoffice,IsentmyadvisorBradanemail.

Subject:TellHRtoFireMyExecutiveAssistant.

Now.
Rightnow.
MichaelLeighton,
CEO,LeightonPublishing

Iwalkedovertomybeveragecabinetandunlockedit,pouringmyselfamuchneededshotofscotch.I
downeditandquicklypouredanother.Asitwasburningitswaydownmythroat,Brad’sringtone
soundedonmycellphone.

“Yes?”Ianswered.
“YouwanttotakeonegoodguessastowhatI’mlookingatrightnow?”
“DependsonifI’llwinaprizeforgettingitrightornot.”
“I’mstaringatthecoverofPageSixwithanundeniably-notphoto-shoppedpictureofyou.It’s

definitelyyouandoneofyourridiculouslyexpensivewatcheswithaCubancigarbetweenyourlips.”

“Soundslikeaverygoodphoto.Feelfreetosendmeacopy.”
“Oh,butthat’snotthebestpartofthisphoto.Thebestpartisthethreebikinicladwomenwith

messyhairwholiterallylooklikethey’vealljustfuckedyou.Wouldyouatleastliketoguessthe
headline?”

“Youstillhaven’tmentionedaprize.Isthereaprize?”
“PlayboyCEOBedsThreeBustyBlondesinBelize.Whatdoyouhavetosayforyourself,

Michael?”

“Notmuch.”Iwalkedovertomydeskandclickedonthepictureheemailedme.“Theydida

brilliantjobwiththeuseofalliterationinthetitle,though.Theymusthavefinallyhiredacompetent
editor.”

“God,Michael...”Hesuckedinabreathandsighed.“Dowehaveanygroundstothreatenthem

withretractionanddefamation,oristhistrue?”

“It’spartiallytrue.”
“Whichpart?”
“ThepartaboutmebeinginBelize.”
“Pleasestopfuckingwithme.”
“Fine.”Ismiled.“Ionly‘bedded’twoofthebustyblondes.Notthree.”
“Oh,justtwo.We’llthat’squitecomfortingandIguesstheyoweyouanapology.Not.Anything

else?”

“Yes.ThearticlesaysI’mwearingaRolexinthephoto.Ihaven’twornaRolexinoverfive

years.”

“Ugh.”Hegroaned.“I’musingonehundredthousanddollarsofourpublicrelationsaccountto

preventthemfromrunningthisonFriday.I’malsosendingthemanadditionaltwohundredtothree
hundredfiftythousandtorefrainfrommentioningyournameorrunningyourpictureforthenext
twomonths.”

“Thankyou.”
“Pleasedon’t.I’llneedalistofeverythingyou’vedoneoverthepasteightmonthssoIcancleanit

upinadvance.Andyouknow,forsomeonewhoplanstotakehiscompanypublicwithinthenexttwo
years,Iwouldthinkthatyouwouldtryalothardertocleanupyourimageandstayoutofthepress.
Otherwise,theonlyinvestorsyou’llattractwillbemeandyou.”

“Noted.”Ipouredonelastshotofscotch.“Didyougetmyemailaboutneedinganewexecutive

assistant?”

“Anotherone?Thisisnumberseven.”
“Eight.However,I’veyettobesentacompetentone.Perhapsifyouusedadifferentscreening

agency,oratleastletmesitinonsomeoftheinterviews—”

“No.I’lltellyouwhatIwilldo,though.Butonlyifyoudosomethingforme.”
Iwassilent,sohecontinued.

“Couldyoukindlykeepyourdickinyourpantsforthenexttwelvemonthsandtrynottofuck

anyone?”

Twelvemonths?“Anyone?”
“ANYONE.ANY-ONE.”Heenunciatedeverysyllable.“Atleastanyonewhowilldefinitelydraw

attentiontoyouandyourunfortunate,insatiableways.Andthatincludesallthewomenyouhavelined
upforthisweek.Yourassistantsmaynothaveknownwhatthosesmallbluedotsonyourdigital
calendarmean,butIdo.Cancelthemallrightnow.Youcansleepwithwhoeveryouwantagainafter
yousuccessfullygopublic.”

Ihesitatedforalongwhile,butIrealizedthatwhathewassayingmadeperfectsenseforthesake

ofthecompanyandmyimage.

“Fine,”Isaidatlast,begrudginglysendingthemallmystandard,“Somethingjustcameup.I’ll

havetoreschedule,”messageandwalkedovertomywindows.

“I’mnotgoingtouseourpartneragencytofindyournewassistant.I’mgoingtohandlethis

personally.Anyrequirementsonyourend?”

“Hiringsomeonewhoiscapableofreadingabookisagoodstart.I’dalsoprefersomeonetento

fifteenyearsolderthanme,marriedoralreadyengaged,submissiveenoughtocompletetasks
withoutsarcasm,IvyLeagueeducation,andsomeonewhoknowshowtotellthegoddamntime.”

“Yeah,okay.Let’sputupthejobdescriptioninthoseexactwordsandseehowmuchofafieldday

thepresshaswiththatone.”

“I’mwillingtobendontheIvyLeaguepartifit’sacollegewithagoodreputation.I’mnot

bendingonanythingelse.”

“We’llsee.”Hewasdefinitelyrollinghiseyes,andIcouldtellhewasabouttogivemehis

infamouslectureabouthiringlawsandblindinterviews,soIbeathimtoit.

“Justgetmethebestpersonforthejob.I’llwaithoweverlongittakessincethisfiretoday,hire

tomorrowapproachisn’tworking.Andactually,justgetmesomeonewhoimpressesyou,becauseif
that’sthecaseIknowthispersonwillimpressme.”

“Now,you’refinallythinkingsmart,”hesaid.“Givemesixweeks.I’llscreenthehelloutof

everyoneandmakesurethenextexecutiveassistantyouhaveissomeonewho’lllastoverayear.

“Thankyou,Brad.”Ihungup,wantingtofeeloptimistic,butwithmytrackrecord,Iknewthe

oddsofmeemployingthesameexecutiveassistantforayearwerehighlyunlikely.JustlikeIknew
thechancesofmegoingtwelvemonthswithoutfuckingsomeoneweretoounbelievableto
completelyfathom.

I’lltryitthough...

THEEMAILS

Mya

Subject:ManhattanPublisherSeeksExecutiveAssistant

So...I’mprettysurethisjoblistingisforthat“sexy”CEOwesometimesseeonallthetabloids!
Youshoulddefinitelyapplyforthis.You’dbeperfect.
Checkouttheattachmentbelow.
Yourbestie,
Amy

—-—ForwardedMessage——-

HighlevelexecutiveatLeightonPublishingseeksahighlycompetentandprofessionalexecutive

assistant.Requirementsandsalarypackageattachedviapdfbelow.Sendresume(s)andcontact
informationto

[e-mail]

.

—Bachelor ’sdegreefromanaccreditedcollegeinstitution(master ’spreferred)
—Aminimumoffive(5)yearsexperienceworkingforhighlevelcorporateexecutive
—Passionforliterature
—Abilitytoworkunderhighstressandforatleast50-60hoursaweek
—Abilitytodrafterror-freepressreleasesandPRcopyatamoment’snotice
Salary&[e-mail]

Subject:Re:ManhattanPublisherSeeksExecutiveAssistant

Itcan’tbe.There’snowayaguylikethatwouldpostajoblikethisonCraigslist,isthere?Andat

thathugeofasalaryrange?!!O.M.G!

Wait.Ithoughthewasthe“naughty”CEO?Isn’tthatwhattheycallhim?
Yourbestie,
Mya
PS—Idefinitelyapplied.:-)

Subject:Re:Re:ManhattanPublisherSeeksExecutiveAssistant

“Naughty.”“Sexy.”Samething.Andwhoknows?Maybehe’sdesperate?
AccordingtoPageSixandhisformerEA,hecan’tkeepanassistantformorethantwomonthsat

atime.Sheclaimshewas“reallydemanding”andaskedhertodo“hardlabor.”

Thenagain,I’msuretherealreasonnowomenlastaroundhimisbecausethey’realldistracted

byhowbighiscockis.

(Ifyougethired,pleasefindouthowbigitis.Doitforme,atleast.)

Yourbestie,
Amy

Subject:Re:Re:Re:ManhattanPublisherSeeksExecutiveAssistant

TheBradguyfromtheadjustcalledmeandtoldmetobeatLeightonPublishingnextFridayfor

aninterview.AN.INTERVIEW!

Wishmeluck!
Yourbestie,
Mya

Subject:Didyougetthejob?

Haven’theardanythingfromyouintwoweeks!Thetwoofusaren’tthatbusythesedaysandyou

stayrightacrossthehall!Whatgives?

DidyoumeetMichaelLeightonduringtheinterview?
Yourbestie(Dowereallyhavetocontinuesigningofflikethisoneveryemaillikewe’restill

teenagers?)

Amy

Subject:Re:Didyougetthejob?

Sorry,I’vebeenswampedwithsomemassivereadingandpre-research.(Don’task.)Butyes!Igot

hiredOn.The.Spot!TheBradguy(Leighton’sadvisor)evendoubledtheinitialsalaryofferinthe
middleofournegotiations.

Ididn’ttechnicallygetto“see”Mr.LeightonuntilthismorningwhenIwenttoofficiallysignthe

paperworkandIlietoyounot,themanisthesexiestmanI’veeverseeninmylife.Handsdown.

Hemademewetafterheshookmyhandandsaidthewords,“Welcometomycompany,Mya.”

That’shonestlyallittook...

Sexyaseverornot,I’mdeterminedtolastwaylongerthanallofhisotherassistants.Hecan’tbe

thatbad,right?

Yourbestie(Yes.It’straditiontosignofflikethis:)),
Mya

ONEYEARLATER...

THEASSISTANT

Mya

Manhattan,NewYork

IstumbledintotheglitteringlobbyofLeightonPublishing,balancingasmallboxoffilesinonehand
andabinderofreportsintheother.Iwasoveranhourearly,butIknewthatwouldn’tbeenoughfor
myboss.

Takingtheelevatorstraighttothetopfloor,Irolledmyeyesasthegoldennumberslitupabove

thedoors.MichaelLeightoninsistedonhavingtheentiretopfloortohimself,andonlyallowedme
andthelowlysecretariesaccesswhenwehadamorningmeetingliketoday.Or,whenhewastoolazy
totraveldownoneflightofstairs,whenhewouldcallandsay,“Comeuptomyoffice.”

Thesecondthedoorssprungopen,Iheadedtowardthemassiveconferenceroomthatwasright

acrossfromhisoffice.Iunlockedthedoorsandhitthelights,pullingdowntheprojectorscreenasI
mademywayaroundtheroom.

Isetoutnotepadsandpensateachchair,andthenIdialedthebreakfastcaterer.
“FifthAvenueCatering,”awomanansweredonthefirstring.“HowmayIhelpyouthis

morning?”

“Hello,thisisMyaLondonwithLeightonPublishing,”Isaid.“Iwaswonderingwhattimeyour

deliverypersonwasgoingto—”

“They’reontheelevatorrightnow,MissLondon.”Sheinterrupted,aslightsmileinhervoice.

“Weknowhowyourbossfeelsabouttime.Noworries.”

“Thankyou.”Iendedthecallanddialedtheliteraryagentwhowasduetoarriveoraseparate

meetinglatertoday,lettingherknowthatwewouldonlyhavetimeforatwenty-minutepitch.ThenI
emailedeachandeverystaffpersonaremindertoarrivetotheboardroomatleasttenminutesearly.

AssoonasIhitsendonthemessage,anemailfromMr.Leightonpoppedontomyscreen.

Subject:WhatINeedToday.

CoffeefromDean&DeLuca.MaryKubica’snewbook.Adreport.Hotelconfirmationsfornext

Saturdaynight,two.Q3revenuereports.TravelitineraryforJanuary.Filesformeetingat3o’clock
onmydeskbynoon.

MichaelLeighton,
CEO,LeightonPublishing

Therewasneveranypointinrespondingtohisfirstemailoftheday.Onehundredpercentrhetorical
andtwohundredpercentrude,healwayssentthematexactlyseveno’clockandtheywerealways

comprisedofstaccato-likesentences.Therewasnevera“Hello,”“Goodmorning,”oramere,“Hope
alliswelltoday.”Theassholeneverevensaid,“Please.”

AndevenwhenIcompletedeverythingonhisridiculouslistsinrecordtime,insteadofsaying,

“Thankyou,”hehadtheaudacitytosay,“You’rewelcome.”

“No,no,no.”Ipickedupaplateofbananamuffinsthesecondthecateringassistantsetthem

down.“Mybossisextremelyallergictothese.Canyoureplacethemwithblueberryones?”Iquickly
lookedovertheotherthingsshewasstartingtosetout,makingsurenothingelsewassuspect.

“Yousureyouwantmetoreplacethem?”Shesmiled.“He’lldiealotafasterifIdon’t.”
“I’msure.”Isaid.“I’mnottryingtokillhim...yet.”
Shelaughedandtookawaytheoffendingpastries,andbeforeIcouldcallDean&DeLucato

orderhisoverpricedcoffee,hesentmeanotheremail.

Subject:Time.

Youweretwominuteslatetoworkyesterday,andoneminutelatetothenoonmeeting.
Don’tletithappenagaintoday.
MichaelLeighton
CEO,LeightonPublishing

Istartedtorespondwith“Effyouandyourobsessionwithtime,youegotisticalasshole,”butIwasn’t
goingtolethimgettometoday.Isenthimacurt“Ok,”orderedhiscoffee,andscrolledthroughmy
inbox,lookingforcorrespondencefromanyofthecountlessjobsI’drecentlyappliedto,butallIsaw
wasspam.

Ugh...
Dialingmypersonaltown-cardriver,thebestbenefitthatcamewithbeinghisexecutiveassistant,

Ibeggedhimtoretrievethecoffeeforme.AndthenItoldhimtobuywhateverelse“lookedpretty”
inthatcaféandaddittothepurchaseaccount.

“Areyousureaboutthat,MissLondon?”heasked.
“Absolutely.”Ihungup.Iwasonlysupposedtousethe“CEOcreditcard”forMr.Leighton’s

coffeeandmeals,butsincehe’dbeenincreasinglymeantomeoverthepastfewmonths,I’dbeen
usingitonwhatevercametomind.Hecouldmorethanaffordit.

Thesuddensoundoftheelevatorstoppingonthefloormademelookovertheroomonemore

time,mademerealizethatanotherdaywithhimwasjustbeginning.

“Goodmorning,”Isaidasseveralstaffmembersbegantofilltheroomandtaketheirdesignated

seats.“Goodtoseeyoualltoday.”

Theyallofferedmetheirusualwarm“Hellos”andslightlooksofsympathyinreturn.
“Thankyouallforbeingearly,”Isaid.“Asyouallknow,thismonthisgoingtobeextremely

busyinregardstoourfront-list,andtodayyou’llbeaskedwhichbooksyou’dliketopushfromyour
departmentsandhowmuchofthebudgetyou’dliketospendonpromotingeachtitle.”

Mr.LeightonsuddenlyenteredtheroomasIspoke,turningtheheadofeverywomanatthetable.

Hewasdressedinanimpeccablethree-piecenavybluesuitandmatchingtie,andthediamondsinhis
newestdesignerwatchgleamedagainsttheroom’ssoftlight.

HisbeautifuleyesmetmineasIcontinuedmyshortintroduction,andforasplitsecondIwas

remindedofhowutterlygorgeousandcaptivatinghewas.

Hisfacewasflawlesslysculptedwithpiercingalmondcoloredeyesthatpinnedmetothespotany

timewewerealone.Hislipslookedasiftheywerehandcraftedforkissing,hisjetblackhairwas
alwayscutlowenoughforawomantorunherfingersthroughit,andthewayhissuitsfitoverhis
musclesconsistentlyinvadedmydreamsmoretimesthanIcaredtoadmit.

WhenIwasfinishedtalking,hestaredatme—givingmeafamiliarlookhegavemefromtimeto

time.OneIstillhadyettofigureout.Itwasacrossbetweenthewayhelookedinmyfantasieswhen
hewasburyinghisheadbetweenmythighs,andwhenhewasaskingmetostaylateafterwork.A
lookthatsaidhemaynotbeashorribleofabossIoftenmadehimouttobe.

“Youcantakeyourseatnow,MissLondon,”hesaid.“Unlessyou’dlikeustospendtherestofthis

two-hourmeetingstaringatyou.”

Fantasyover...
Isatdowninmychair.Ionlyhalfwaylistenedashewentaroundtheroomandcondescendingly

questionedthestaffmembersonebyone,requestingclientnovelupdates,publicationsschedulesand
budgetingconcerns.Andashedirectedhisvenomatthestaffmembernexttome,Istaredathis
mouthofperfection.ThenIdiscreetlypulledoutmyphoneunderthetableandsentAmyanemail.

Subject:IWonderIfHeEatsPussy...

I’mcurrentlystaringathismouthashe’s(surprise,surprise)beinganutterjerkandtellingthe

staffallthethingshewantsthemtoredoandthethoughtjustcrossedmymind.Like,hislipsare
beyondincredibleandifhecouldkeepthemshuthe’dbeALOTsexier,butIwonderifheeverputs
themtousebehindcloseddoors...

Yourbestie,
Mya
PS—IfhetellsmeIwas“oneminute”oramere“twominutes”lateonemoretime...

Herresponsewasimmediate.

Subject:Re:IWonderIfHeEatsPussy...

Probablynot.Ifhe’sanythinglikeyousay,he’dprobablymoreofatakerinthebedroom.Imean,

I’msurehe’sagoodtaker,butIcan’tseeahot-shotguylikehimusinghistongueforanythingother
thansarcasm.

Yourbestie,
Amy
PS—Whyhaven’tyoupoisonedhisbreakfastyet?

“MissLondon?”Mr.Leighton’sdeepvoicemademelookupfrommyphone.

“Yes?”
“Themorningmeetingisovernow.Feelfreetoleavemyboardroomwitheveryoneelse.”
Ibitmytongueandstoodup,forcingasmileasIheadedtowardthedoor.
“OhandMissLondon?”HewalkedovertomebeforeIsteppedintothehallway.
“Yes?”

“YouwereabouttoleavewithoutyourfilesforourFridaymeeting.I’mprettysureyou’llneed

themifyouplanondoingyourassignedworkbetweennowandthen.”Hehandedmemymassive
binder.“You’rewelcome.”

THEASSISTANT

Mya

Manhattan,NewYork

Fridaywassupposedtobethebestdayoftheweek,thatonedaythatstoodbetweenthefinalhoursof
theworkweekandfreedom,butMr.Leightonhadmanagedtomakeitmyworstdayforoverayear.

Heinsistedonmeetingintheexecutiveboardroomatthreeo’clockuntilseveno’clock.Andthen

healwayssatattheheadofthetable,whichwouldbenormalifhewasholdingameeting,butwe
weretheonlytwopeopleintheroomandtherewerealwaysseveralseatsbetweenus.

Todayhewaswearingmyfavoritesuit—athreepieceblackonewithanavybluetieforaccent.

Hiscufflinks,monogrammed“ML”weregleamingunderneaththeroom’sbrightlight,andIswear
thewayhewaslookingatmemademethinkhewantedtofuckme.

“Doyouplanonstaringatmeforthisentiremeetingorwouldyoufinallyliketostart?”He

raisedhiseyebrow.

Bastard...“I’dliketostart.”
“Good.”Heopenedhisfolder.“WhatdidyouthinkofthelatestGrisham?”
“Absorbing.”Iflippedthroughmynotes.“Reminiscentofwhatmefallinlovewithhiswriting

duringhisATimetoKillera.”

“Ifeltthesame.”Hewrotedownafewwords.“Doyouthinkit’sfrontlistworthyforthenext

quarter?”

“It’sJohnGrisham,thatshouldn’tevenbeaquestion,”Isaid.“Although,inaperfectworldI’dsay

no.ButonlybecausehisnextbookisfarmorecommercialandIthinkwecoulddoalotmoreforthat
one.”

Hislipsbrieflycurvedupintoasmile,buthedidn’tletitremain.“Whichromancenovelwould

youliketorecommend?”

“Onesecond...”Iflippedthroughanotherpageofmynotes.“CastratingHerBoss.”
“Excuseme?”Hiseyesmetmine.“Whatbookdidyoujustsay?”
“CastingHerBoss.”
Hernarrowedhiseyesatmebeforewritingdownmysuggestion.“Anythinginparticularthat

stoodout?Favoriteparts?”

“Probablywhentheassholebossredeemshimselfandstopstreatingtheheroinelikeshit...”I

mutteredundermybreath,butthenIclearedmythroat.“Therealismwasgreat.Theheroinewasa
moviedirectorandIlearnedalotaboutHollywoodwhilereading.”

“WhataboutyourYoungAdultselection?”HecontinuedtogothroughalltwelvegenresI’dbeen

assignedtoread—askingfollow-upquestionshereorthere,butasusual,heneverletour
conversationgoofftopicorgetremotelypersonal.

Whenwefinishedthebookrecommendations,wetransitionedintothemonth’se-bookrevenue

andpromotionaladjustments,andbythetimehedecidedthatIwas“freetogo”itwasnineo’clock.

Nine.O.Clock.
“Mr.Leighton?”IsaidasIslippedintomycoat.
Hedidn’tanswer.Hewasstillwriting,lookingdownathispaper.
“Mr.Leighton?”Irepeatedwithalittlemorebiteinmyvoice,enoughthatmadehimfinallylook

upatme.

“Yes?”
Ihesitated,hatingthefactthatsomethingassimpleashiseyesmeetingminewasenoughtomake

mypantieswet.

“ThisisthefifteenthFridayinarowthatyou’vekeptmepastsix.
“No,thisisthefifteenthFridayinarowthattheworkhaskeptyoupastsix.Ifyoucompletedmore

ofitthroughouttheweek,thenmaybeyou’dbeabletoleaveearlier.”

“Regardless,”Isaid,keepingmyvoicefirm.“I’mgoingtoneedtoleaveatsixo’clockonFridays

likeeveryoneelseheresoIcanenjoyafullweekend.IfI’mnotoutofherebysix,I’mgoingto
deducttimefrommyMondayarrivalandstarttime.”

Hesethispendownandleanedbackinhischair.“Comeagain?”
“Liketoday.”Ipickedupmypurseandslungitovermyshoulder.“TodayI’mleavingatnine

o’clockwhichisthreehourspastacceptablepersection83Binthecompanyhandbook.So,on
Monday,I’llbearrivingthreehourspastmynormaltimeataroundeleveno’clock.Iwillalso—”

“You’regoingtoarrivehereateighto’clock.”Hecutmeoff,hisvoicedeeperthanusual.“And

you’regoingtostayintheseFridaymeetingsuntilwegettheworkdonebecausethat’swhatyouget
paidverygenerouslytodo.”

“No,I’mnot.”Iwasn’tbackingdown.“I’llseeyouateleveno’clockonMonday,Mr.Leighton.”
“Besuretobringapentosignoffonyourwrite-uppapersbecausefirstofall,”hesaid,looking

meupanddown.“You’renotlikeeveryoneelsehere...You’resalaried,nothourly.Andperyour
contractandsection89Binthecompanyhandbook,Fridaymeetingscangoaslateaseleveno’clock
dependingontheseason,sotechnically,I’vebeendoingyouafavorsincethedayyoustartedhere.”
Hepaused.“You’rewelcome.”

“Furthermore,”hesaid,“ifyouwanttotalkaboutfollowingrulestotheletter,wecaneasily

discusshowyou’vebeenusingmycreditcardtobuythingsforyourself.Thingslikeoverpricedgifts
andbreakfastsatDean&DeLuca,unnecessaryofficesuppliesfromthemostexpensivestoreson
FifthAvenue,andabunchofotherpersonalthingsIdon’trecalleverauthorizing.Ibelieveanyother
bosswouldsaythatthat’stechnicallystealing,andthat’sanimmediategroundforterminationisit
not?”

Heslowlystoodupandwalkedovertome,makingmyheartraceamileaminute.“Wecouldalso

getreallytechnicalanddiscusshowyouuseyourassignedtown-cartodriveyouaroundtoalltypesf
non-workrelatedplacesontheweekendwithyourbestfriend.Amyishername,correct?”

Mycheekshadneverbeensohot,andIstruggledtosayasingleword.BeforeIcouldcomeup

witharebuttal,hesteppedsocloseourchestweretouching.Thenheslippedhishandintomycoat
pocketandpulledoutmycellphone,hittingstoponmy“recordconversation”app—clearlyrealizing
Iwashopingtocatchhisassholewaysontapeforfutureuse.

Smiling,hereturnedthephonetome.“SeeyouMonday,MissLondon.Eighto’clock.”

***

Twohourslater...

“So,letmegetthisstraight.”Amypouredmeaglassofwineinhercondolaterthatnight.“He
literallyjustemailedyouandtoldyouthathechangedhismindandyouneedtocomeintoworkatsix
o’clockinthemorningonMonday?Andyouthinkit’sbecauseyoucomplainedaboutleavinglate
today?”

“That’sdefinitelywhy.”Itossedbackthewineinonegulp.“It’slikehepurposelypushesbackat

meordoesthingstogetundermyskinbecausehefeelslikeit.Heknowsexactlyhowtopissmeoff,
andIstillcan’treadintohimforsomereason.Idon’tunderstandwhy.”

“He’sanasshole,that’swhy.”Shepouredmeanotherglass.“Itoldyoutostartkeepingtrackofall

thoseoverbearingtaskemailshesendstoyou.Starthighlightingtheoneswherehe’sathisrudestand
leastprofessional.”

“Thatwon’twork,”Isaid,quicklydowningthefreshglassandreachingforthebottle.“He’sthe

ultimateprofessionalincommunication.Besides,youcan’tinterprethistonefromanemail,andno
judicialteamintheirrightmindwouldreadanythingintothoseshortsentenceshesendsme.”

“Well,haveyoutriedrecordingyourmeetingslikeItoldyoutoweeksago?Guidinghimintoa

conversationthatmakeshimsaysomethingquestionable?”

Ishookmyhead,neglectingtotellherthathe’deasilyout-maneuveredthatattemptmerehours

ago.

“Myonlyhopeisanewjob.I’mjustgoingtostickitoutuntiloneofthoseotherplacesfinally

callme.”

“Youknow,youcouldjustquittomorrowanduseupalltheleavetimeyou’veacquired.You’ve

gotwhat?Sixweekspaidforallthosecrazyhoursofovertimeyou’veworked?”

“Seven.”
“See!Andyou’veneverevenusedasickday!Youcouldatleastusesomeofthose.Andwhile

you’reatit...”

Itunedherout,noddingalongasshesuggestedendlessoptions,butIknewI’dneverbeableto

followanyofthosetotheletter.Amywasfartooremovedfromcorporatecultureandshedidn’t
understandtheinner-workingpoliticsorthebiggerpicture.

IfMr.Leightonwasanyotherboss,Iwouldhappilytakesickleaveanytimehegotundermyskin,

butifIstarteddoingthatnow,Iwouldn’thaveanyleft.Notonlythat,butheseemedlikethetypeof
assholewhowouldactuallysendsomeonetocheckandseeifIreallywassick.Thetypewhowould
actuallyattemptto‘geteven’ifhefoundoutIwaslying.

“Youknowwhat?”IsaidtoAmy.“I’mjustgoingtoapplytotentimesasmanyjobs,andwork

superhardwhileavoidinghimasmuchaspossible.Nomatterhowbigofajerkheistome,I’ll
remainprofessionalandneverlethimseemecrackuntilIcanyellathimwhenIdofinallyleave.”

“Okay,sure.”Shedidn’tlookconvinced,butshesmiled.“Goodforyou.Worstcasescenario,at

leastyoustillgettohaveanupcloseseattooneofthemostgorgeousmeninthecityandyoucan
continuetousehisfaceforyourfantasiesuntilyouquit.Howbigdidyousayhiscockis?”

“Huge.”Iwasmorethancertainitwas.I’dwitnessedithardduringameetinghereorthere,

witnessedhimcrossinganduncrossinghislegsundertheboardroomtable.“I’llbesuretotakea
morededicatedlookatitbeforeIleave.”

“Pleasedo.Forbothofoursakes.”Sheturnedonthetelevision.“Okay,yourbossnolonger

existsfortherestofourweekend.Let’stalkaboutsomethingelse.ASAP.”

THEBOSS

Michael

Manhattan,NewYork

IsteppedofftheelevatorthefollowingMondayevening,noticingthatthelightswerestilloninthe
boardroom.Confused,Iheadedovertoshutthemoff,butIsawMyasittingaloneattheendofthe
table.Shewasflankedbyseveralboxesoffilesandholdingoneofmybestdesignerpensbetweenher
teeth.

Istaredatherassheflippedthroughhernotebook,rememberinghowI’donceattemptedtofind

numerouswaystogetridofherwhenshefirststarted.HowIreallytriedtogethertoquit.

Itwasneverpersonal,andneverbecauseshewasawful.ShewasactuallythesmartestwomanI’d

evermet,thebestexecutiveassistantI’deverhired,butherunfortunateflawwasbeingsexyasfuck.
Beyondsexyasfuck.

Absolutelystunning,herlighthazeleyesperfectlycomplementedherlongbrownhairandpuffy,

pinklips.Herlight,raspylaughterwassexyenoughtocatchanyman’sattention,andshepossesseda
never-endingwardrobeofcurve-fittingdressesthatIactuallylookedforwardtoseeingeveryday.

Formonths,I’dwantedtoseehersmartassmouthwrappedtightlyaroundmycock.I’dwantedto

bendherassovermydeskandfillherpussywithmycockwhilefuckingherfrombehind,butIknew
betterthantoeverattempttomakethatfantasyareality.

TherewereonlyafewtimeswhenI’dbeencareless—whenI’dletmygazeslingeronherfora

littletoolong,orwhensheworeaparticularshadeofdressthatleftlittletotheimagination.

Coughing,shesuddenlylookedupandnoticedmestaringfromthedoorway.Hercheeksflushed

pinkandsheclearedherthroat.“MayIhelpyouwithsomething,Mr.Leighton?”

“Idon’trecallgivingyourpermissiontocomeontomyfloortoday.”
“That’sbecauseyoudidn’t.”Sheshrugged.“So?”
“So,unlessyoupersonallyhearmesaythewords,‘Stepintomyoffice,’or‘Yes,youhave

permissiontositinmyboardroomanddoyourwork’yourassiscurrentlytrespassing.”

“Oh,really?”Sheshruggedagain.Thenshetookouthercellphoneandsmiled,hitting‘record’

onthatgoddamnconversationapp.“Couldyoukindlyrepeatwhatyouwerejustsaying,Mr.
Leighton?I.e.MichaelLeightonofLeightonPublishing?Particularlythat‘Yourassistrespassing’
line...”

Ishutthedoor,immediatelywalkingtomyownoffice.
ThesecondIhitthelights,Bradturnedaroundfromthebeveragecabinetandheldupabottleof

champagne.

“Congratulationstoyou!”Heuncorkedit,lettingthefrothyfoamdripontothecarpet.
“What’stheoccasion?”Itookoffmyjacketandsatbehindmydesk.

“Threethings,actually.”Hepouredtwoglassesandwalkedover,handingmeone.“Forone,the

mostobvious,you’vehadthebestyearforanypublisherinthecountry.”

“Two,you’vegoneanentireyearwithoutappearingonthecoverofatabloidorgettinginvolved

inanysexscandals.”

“Thatshouldn’tbeanaccomplishment,Brad.”
“Itiswhenitcomestoyou.Trustme.”
Itriedtothinkofthethirdthingandbeathimtoit,butIdidn’thaveaclueastowhatitcouldbe.
“Andthree...”hesaid.“You’veseeminglydonetheimpossible.You’vekeptthesameexecutive

assistantforoverayear.YoucanthankmeamilliontimeslaterforfindingMyaLondon.”

Itossedbackmydrinkatthesoundofhernameandrolledmyeyes.Iwasconsideringwalking

rightbackintothatboardroomandtellinghertobendoverthechair.

OrmaybeIshouldfuckonherthetable...No.Thefloor...
“Um.Hello?”Bradwavedhishandinfrontofmyface.“Areyouthere,Michael?”
“Myapologies.Whatwereyousaying?”
“Iwassayingthatit’squiteironicthattheonetimeyoufindanassistantwholastsayear,she

decidestoleave.”Helaughed.“Crazy,right?I’llmakesurewefindsomeonehalfasgoodwhenshe
leaves.”

“What?Whatdoyoumeanwhensheleaves?”
Hetossedbackhisdrink.“Sheputmedownasareferenceforafewjobsshe’sreceived

interviewsforandthey’veleftvoicemailsrequestingmetocallandanswerafewoftheirquestions.”
Hepulledouthisphone.“Speakingofwhich,Ineedtoschedulethoseatsomepointtomorrow.”

“Whichcompanies?”Mybloodwassuddenlyboiling.
“Theusualthievesofgreatemployees.”Helaughedagain.“Apple,Microsoft,andAmazon.”
“Andwhythehelldidn’tshe—”Ichangedmytone.“Whydidn’tsheusemeforareference?”
Orevenfuckingtellmeshewasleaving?
Heshrugged.“Probablyassumedyou’rebusyenoughandyouwouldn’thavetimetocallthe

peopleback.Or,maybesherightfullyassumedthatI’mthebetterchoice.”

Hechangedthesubjectandstartedtalkingaboutournextquarterprojections,butIcouldonly

halfwaylisten.IwasfuriousattheaudacityofMyatoeventhinkaboutleaving.

IwaspayinghermorethandoublewhatIpaidanyofmypreviouslyEAs—deservedlyso,andher

benefitspackagewasspecificallytailoredforher:ThedayIfoundoutshelovedandpreferredthe
hardbackversionofnovels,Iaddedamandatetohercontractthatshereceivefivehundreddollars’
worthofhardbackbookspermonthfromanybookstoreshewanted.ThedayIfoundoutshedidn’t
haveherowncarandwastakingacabbackandforthtoworkandconferences?Iaddedamandateto
hercontractthatgaveherunlimitedaccesstoherownprivatetowncaranddriver.(Noother
executiveassistantinthebuildinghadeverhadhisorherowntowncar,andI’dmadesurenoone
elseinthecompanyknewaboutthisarrangement.EvenBrad.)AndthedayIfoundoutshe’dactually
wantedtobeaprofessionalassistantandeventuallyrisetotheranksofCEOofacompanysomeday,I
thoughtI’dfoundahighlypotentialbusinesspartnerforthefuture.

Butnow,Iwasn’tsosure.Addthattothefactthatshewouldn’teventellmethatshewas

consideringquitting?

Thiswasfuckedup.
Thiswaswar.
“So,I’mthinking.”Bradwasstillbabbling.“Ifweputmoreofaninvestmentintotheaudio

productionforthesecondquarterofnextyear—”

“Howmucharetheothercompaniesofferingherasasalary?”Icuthimoff.“Aretheypaying

significantlymorethanweare?”

“What?”Hesteppedback.“DidyouhearanyofwhatIsaidoverthepastfiveminutes?”
“Notatall.”Ididn’teventrytopretendotherwise.“Howmucharetheypayingher?”
Heblinked.
“Actually,don’tevenanswerthat,”Isaid.“Forwardmethosecompanyinquiries,andanyother

newonesyoumayget.I’llbeherreference...”

THEBOSS

Michael

Manhattan,NewYork

“Here’severyreportyourequested,yourprintoutofnextmonth’sfront-list,andyourcoffee.”Mya
setdownamugandastackoffoldersinfrontofmethefollowingafternoon.Shewaswearinga
brightbluedressthatclungtoherhipsandexposedthetopofherbreasts,andmycockhadbeenhard
thesecondIsawherthismorning.

Evenduringherpresentationtotheinternshoursago,I’dsatstillintheboardroomandtriedto

focusonanythingelsewhilewordsleftheralluringmouth,butitwasnouse.Thethoughtsof
bendingherovereverysurfaceinmyofficewereonlygettingworsebytheday.

“Wouldyoulikeanythingelse,Mr.Leighton?”Sheadjustedherexposedbrastrap,snappingme

outofmythoughts.

“WhatabouttheDanburyreport?”Iasked.
“Didit.”
“ThePorterfieldfiles?”
“Diditweeksago.”
“Havethebacklisttitlesfrom—”
“FaithSarandonbeencontractedandsigned?”Shecutmeoffandcrossedherarms.“Yes.Ashave

alloftheremainingbacklistcataloguesfromtheothertwenty-twoauthorsyouaskedmetoacquire.
They’reveryhappywithyourso-calledgenerosity.Anythingelse?”

“Actually,yes.”Iignoredthewayshe’dsaid‘generosity’andopenedmydeskdrawer.Ipulledout

herpersonnelfileandsetitonmydesk.“Iwaslookingatyouremployeecontractandmakingsureit
wasuptodate.You’recurrentlysignedonfortwomoreyears.Isthatstillcorrect?”

“Tothebestofmyknowledge.”Shesmiled.“Thatsoundsaboutright.”
“So,nothinghaschangedandyou’requitehappyworkinghere?”
“Sure.”Shelookedawayfrommeandclearedherthroat.“Isthatallyouneedfromme,Mr.

Leighton?Ihavetonsofworktodotoday.WehavethatSomersteinmeetingatnoon.”

Ipickedupapenandslidthecontractacrossmydesk.“Imadeasalaryadjustmenttothecontract.

Ifyouinitialit,itcanbeprocessedasearlyasthisFriday.”

Shepickedupthepaperandfinallylookedatme,herstunninghazeleyesmeetingmine.“I

um...DoyoumindifIlookatthislater?”

“Idomind.Lookatitrightnow.”
Shepartedherlips,butshedidn’tsayaword.Sheflippedthroughthepapers,stoppingatthe

salarypageandhereyeswidened.

“Thisis...”Sheblinkedafewtimes.“Thisisquiteanincrease.”
“Itis.”Inarrowedmyeyes.“Ithinkyoushouldsignit.”

“Waitaminute...Youaddedanon-competeclause,”shesaid,readingsoftly.“I,MyaLondon,agree

toremainatLeightonPublishingforaminimumofforty-eightmonths,andunlessterminated,will
neverpursueanycompetingopportunities.”

“There’sasetofpensinfrontofyou.Ipreferblack.”
Shesetthepapersdownandsteppedback.“Ineedtimetothinkaboutit.”
“Whatexactlydoyouneedtothinkabout?”Iwasbeyondconfused.“Thatofferistriplewhat

you’recurrentlymaking,whichissayingsomethingsinceyou’recurrentlymakingdoublewhat
everyotherexecutiveassistantheremakes.”

“IguessIdon’tlikecommittingtosomethingunlessI’monehundredpercentsurethat’llatleast

begoodandsomewhatenjoyableforme.”

“Itwilldefinitelybemorethan‘good’andextremelyenjoyableforyou.”
“Areyoureferringtothisjob,Mr.Leighton?”
“WhatelsewouldIbereferringto?”
Silence.
“Um...”Sheclearedherthroat,takinganothersmallstepback.“Surelyyouyourselfdon’tsign

contractsafteronlyreadingthemonce.”

“Iwouldifitwasacontractlikethis.”
ShemutteredsomethingunderherbreathIdidn’tquitecatch,andthenmydeskphonerang.
Keepingmyeyeslockedonhers,Iansweredit.
“Yes?”Isaid.
“Hey.”ItwasBrad.“GladIcaughtyoubeforetheSomersteinmeeting.IjustgotacallfromHilton

Corporateandgavethemyourdirectline,sotrytobeavailablefortheirquestionsinafewhours.I
alreadytoldthemMyawasamazing,buttheyneedasecond,moredirectreference.Theywantdetails
Idon’thave,sotrytobespecific.”

“I’lldefinitelydothat.”Ihungup,stilllookingatMya.“So,howmuchtimewouldyouneedto

lookovermyproposal?”

“Acouplemonthsshouldbeenough.”
“Months?”Iclenchedmyjaw.
“Yes.”Sheglaredatme.“Months.Workingforyouforanextendedperiodoftimeisalottothink

about.”

Silence.
“Fine.”Ipickedupthepapersandreturnedthemtomydrawer.“Youcangetthehelloutofmy

officenow.”

Sheshookherheadandglanceddownatmypants,blushingbeforeleavingtheroom.
Isatbackdowninmychairandshookmyhead.Iwasconfusedandupsetatthefactthatshe’dnot

onlyblatantlyliedtomyface,butshewasalsorefusingtoadmitshewasseekingotherjobs.That,and
shewasstillgettingundermyskinwithhersexybullshit.

Thenagain,ifshewantedtoplaygames,Icoulddothesame...

THEEMAILS

Mya

Subject:TheAss-holeryReport#235(CanYouBelieveI’mStillKeepingTrackofThese?)

Todaywe’resupposedtogooverthetopliteraryfictiontitlesthatwillberolledoutintheSpring.

IemailedhimmytoppicksLASTWEEKbutsincehe“doesn’tremember,”heaskedmetoRE-DO
theentire200-pagedreportinanhour.Anhour!

Ofcourse,Imadewaymorethanonecopyofit,soI’mnotreallyre-doingit,butfuckhim.
Fuckhimhard.
Yourbestie,
Mya

PS—Isitsadthat,ass-holenessaside,hestillmakesmypantieswetmorethanonceaweek?

Subject:Re:TheAss-holeryReport#235(CanYouBelieveI’mStillKeepingTrackofThese?)

Youmis-typed!We’reonass-holeryreport#335,not#235!:)AndBRAVOformakingcopies!

Waytothinksmart!

Ugh,Ican’twaituntilyouquit!Imean,whereveryouendupnext,youprobablywon’tgetall

thoseoverthetopbenefits,butyouwon’thavetodealwithhimsothat’smorethanafairtrade-off.

Yourbestie,
Amy
PS—No,butonlybecauseyou’restillsadlysingle.

Subject:Hiscockhastobeatleastnineinches...(Atleast)

Thisisgoingtosoundtotallyinsane,butIswearthismanwasrockhardduringmyentire

presentationtoday.Like,hehadtobe,andhehadtoknowIwasstealingglancesofitbecausehesatin
thebackoftheroom,leaningbackwithhislegswideopen,andhekepthiseyesonmetheentiretime.

Yourbestie,
Mya

Subject:Re:Ithastobeatleastnineinches...(Atleast)

Youdeletetheseemails,right?LOLI’lltakeyourwordforthenineinches.I’msurehedidn’tearn

hisformerplayboyreputationfornothing...

Maybeyoucangivehimahugekickinhisnine-inchcockbeforequitting?

Stayfocusedonleaving+startlimitingtheseemailsthatcomplementhimandhiscock.

(Otherwise,youmaystarttosubconsciouslybelievethatyoushouldstaythere.O_o).

Yourbestie,
Amy

THEASSISTANT

Mya

Manhattan,NewYork

Icouldn’tbelievethatMr.Leightonhadtheaudacitytooffermeanextendedcontractafterthewayhe
treatedme,couldn’tbelievethathe’dincludedamentionofitineveryoneofhisemailssincetheday
hebroughtitup.

AsIstaredoutsidemytowncarwindow,IdecidedthatIneededtotellhimthatIreallywas

lookingforanotherplaceofwork.Thatitwasn’tpersonal,butIwantedtogosomeplacewhereI’d
actuallybeappreciated.

Andsomewherewherehewon’tbesuchadistraction...
ThesecondthedriverpulledinfrontofLeightonPublishing,myphonebuzzedwithhisusual

morningemail.

Subject:WhatINeedToday.

Coffee.StephenKing’snewbook.Reportsforthetwoo’clockmeeting.Yoursignatureonthe

employmentextensioncontract.

You’rewelcome.
MichaelLeighton
CEO,LeightonPublishing

Isighed.I’ddonemybesttoavoidthatlastlineonallofhistaskrequests,simplynotaddressingitvia
emailorsimplysaying“Ineedmoretimetothinkaboutit,”ifhebroughtitupduringoneofour
meetings.Andeventhoughthesexualtensionbetweenuswasatthehighestlevelsit’deverbeen,I
couldn’taffordtoletthatcloudmyjudgment.

Hisoverbearingsexinesswasnotagoodenoughreasontostay,andtheoddsofushavingsex

wereslimtonone.(Notthathavingsexwithhimwasagoodenoughreasontostayeither.)

AftersecuringacopyofStephenKing’snewestbookfromBarnes&Nobleandacupofhis

favoriteexpensivecoffee,Irushedinsidethebuildingandheadedrightuptohisoffice.

Iknockedagainsthisdoorfivetimesandwaitedforhisfamiliar,“Yes?”beforeopeningthedoor.
ThesecondIsteppedinside,Ifelthisdeepbrowneyeswatchingmyeverymove,andItriednotto

makeeyecontactasIwalkedoverandsetthebookandthecoffeeonhisdesk.

“Istheresomethingonyourmind,MissLondon?”Hewaitedformetolookathim,andIfinally

gavein.“Anyparticularreasonwhyyou’recurrentlymumbling?”

“No,Mr.Leighton.It’sjust—”Idecidedtobehonest,tofinallygetthisoverwith.“I’mnot

interestedinsigningtheextensioncontract.”

Heraisedhiseyebrow.“Areyoureferringtorightnow,orever?”
“Ever.”Isteppedback,waitingforhisreaction,buttherewasn’tone.Hisfaceremainedstoicand

hesimplypickeduphiscoffeeandtookalongsip.

“Fairenough,”hesaid.“Thankyoufortellingme.Afteryousettleintoyouroffice,Ineedyou

pickupmydrycleaningfromMidtown.Thereshouldbefifteensuitsandtwentyshirtsinmyname.”

Whatthehell?“Wouldyoulikemetopickupanythingelse?”
“Notatall.”
Iforcedasmileandheadedtowardthedoor.“Thankyouforbeingunderstandingaboutthe

contract,Mr.Leighton.”

“Anytime,MissLondon.”
Ilefthisofficeandtookthestepstomyown,quicklyprintingoutthetwoo’clockreportssoI

couldsavetimesinceIhadanewdrycleaningmission.AsIwasstaplingthefirstsetofsheets
together,myphonebuzzedwithanewemailfromhim.

Subject:SomethingElseINeedToday.

MyJaguarneedstobewashed.TakeittotheplaceIlikeinNewJersey,tenmilesacrossthe

bridge.

MichaelLeighton
CEO,LeightonPublishing

Ishebeingserious?

Idroppedmyreportstothefloor,barelygettingachancetorereadthemessagetoseeifmyeyes
wereplayingtricksormeornot,becausehesentmeanotheremail.

Subject:AndAlso...

IforgottopickupaparticularwatchIorderedweeksagoonmywaytoworkthismorning.

You’llneedtostandinlineatAudemarsPigueton57

th

StreetbynoontoensurethatIreceiveittoday.

MichaelLeighton
CEO,LeightonPublishing

Islammedmydoorshuttopreventmyselffromscreaming.Ipacedthefloorafewtimesbefore
respondingtohimwithacurt“Ok.”ThenIheadeddowntotheprivateparkinggarage.

Itookthekeysfromthelockboxandtriedmybestnottothinkaboutusingthemtoleavemajor

scratchesagainsthiscar,andIquicklyslidbehindthewheel.Insteadofimmediatelyheadingtoward
thedrycleanersItookhisJaguarforahalfhourjoyridefirst.

Itookmytimedrivingthroughthecitystreets,stoppingforten-dollarcoffeeandchargingfive

cupsworthtohiscardeverytime.Ispottedabeautifulcashmerescarfthroughawindowdressingat

Macy’sandrushedinsidetobuyitinalltwenty-fivecolors.Onmywayout,Inoticedanewlineof
fashionatthenearbylingeriestore,soItookhispreciouscreditcardandpurchasedtenmatchingsets
ofoverlypricedpantiesandbras.

Screwhim...
StillfeelingrecklessandfarlessprofessionalthanI’deverfeltinmylife,Ipickeduphisdry

cleaningandtosseditinthebackseat.IdroveacrosstheGeorgeWashingtonBridgeandsatinthe
backofacaféforhalfanhour.

Icheckedmyemailandsawthatmybastardbosshademailedmeyetagain.

Subject:Timing.

Irefusetobelieveittakesthreetofourhourstopickupanorderofsuitsandawatch.Even

consideringgettingmycarwashed,youshouldbebackbynow.

MichaelLeighton
CEO,LeightonPublishing

Iimmediatelydeleteditandnoticedthattherewereseveralothernewemailsinmyinbox.EmailsI
actuallywantedtosee.

Apple,Microsoft,andAmazonallsentpositive,personalmessagesthatallreadtothelikesof,

“Congratulations!You’vemadeittothefinalroundofinterviews!Wesimplyneedtoverifyyour
informationandreferences.Afterwards,we’llmakeaninternaldecisionbehindcloseddoors.”

Inearlyjumpedupfrommychair,screamingaboutmypendingfreedom.Iknewtherewasno

wayinhellthatIwouldn’treceiveaformalofferfromatleastoneofthosejobs,andsinceIwasstill
awaitingtohearbackfromtwentymore,Ifeltmoreemboldenedthaneverbefore.IfeltlikeIcould
quitLeightonPublishingrightnowandleaveMichael’sJaguarinthemiddleofNewJerseyforhim
tofindbyhimselftomorrow.

IttookallofoneminuteformetorealizethatIwasn’tthatbold.That,andIneededawaytoget

backtoNewYorkCity.

Annoyed,IventedallofmyfrustrationinalongassemailtoAmy,andperherpreviousadvice,I

deleteditthesecondIhitsend.

Subject:MyBoss.

HaveIalreadytoldyouthatIhatemybosstoday?
Sexyashellornot,thispompous,arrogant,ASSHOLEaskedmetopickuphisdrycleaningthe

secondIwalkedthroughthedoor.ThenhetoldmethatIneededtotakehisJaguartoacarwashthat
wastenmilesoutsideofthecity,butonlyafterIneededtostandinanever-endinglinetobuysome
typeoflimited,hundred-dollarwatch.

Ihonestlycan’twaittoseethelookonhisfacetwomonthsfromnowwhenItellhimthatI’m

quittinghiscompanyandthathecankissmyass.KISS.MY.ASS.

Allthoseformerfantasiesabouthimkissingmewithhis“mouthofperfection”orbendingme

overmydeskandfillingmewithhiscockarelongover.OVER.

Yourbestie,
Mya
PS—Pleasetellmeyourdayisgoingbetterthanmine...

THEEMAILS

Mya

Subject:Myemail.

Didyougetmyemailfromthisafternoon?
Yourbestie,
Mya

Subject:Re:Myemail.

No...Whatemail?
Yourbestie,
Amy

Subject:Re:Re:Re:Myemail.

Theoneaboutmybossandalltheshitheaskedmetodotoday.:-(.Iwouldresendittoyou,butI

deletedit...

He’ssoridiculous,Amy.
CanIcallyouinliketwentyminuteswhenIgetbacktotheoffice?
Yourbestie,
Mya

Subject:Re:Re:Re:Re:Myemail.

Ofcourse.I’llbewaiting.
Yourbestie,
Amy

THEASSISTANT

Mya

Manhattan,NewYork

IslumpedinmyofficechairminutesafterreturningMr.Leighton’sJaguartothegarage.Ididn’t
botherbringinganyofhisdrycleaninginside,though.Ifhewantedthosesuits,hecouldgodownto
thegarageandgetthemhimself.

Now,morethanever,therewasahugepartofmethatwantedtopackupallofmythingsand

nevercomeback.Yet,IknewIcouldn’tleavethisplacewithoutpersonallytellinghimtogofuck
himselffirst.I’dmorethanearnedthat.

WhenI’dfinallyletgoofenoughanger,IpickedupmydeskphoneanddialedAmy’snumber.
“Heythere!”Sheansweredonthefirstring.“Areyoufeelinganybetter?”
“Notatall.”Isighed.“Idon’tknowifI’mgoingtomakeittothetwo-monthmarkanymore,Amy.

Ireallydon’t.”

“Youcandothis,”shesaid.“ThisisjustonebaddayandI’msurebythetimeyougethomelater

you’llfeeldifferently.Don’tlethimgettoyou.Ever.”Therewasasuddenloudbangingnoiseinher
background.“Ugh!Letmecallyourightback,Mya.Theneighborsarebeingridiculouswiththeir
musictoday.”

SheendedthecallbeforeIcouldsaygoodbye,andIheardapingfrommyinboxsecondslater,

knowingshe’dsentmeoneofherusual“StayCalm”emails.

Iopenedmyemail—expectingtoseesomethinginspiring,butthesecondIsawthesubjectline

andthesendermyjawdroppedtothefloor.

Subject:Re:MyBoss.

No,youhaven’talreadytoldmethatyouhateyourboss,today,butseeingasthoughyou’vesent

methisemaildirectly,Iknownow...

Yes,Ididaskyoutopickupmydrycleaningthesecondyouarrivedtoworktoday.(Whereisit?)

AndIdidtellyoutotakemyJaguartothecarwashandpickupmythousand-dollarwatch.(Thank
youfortakingfivehourstodosomethingthatcouldbeaccomplishedintwo.)

Youdon’thavetowaittwomonthsfromnowtoseethelookonmyfacewhenyoutellmeyou’re

quitting.I’mstandingoutsideyourofficeatthisverymoment.(Openthedoor.)

Nocommentonyour“fantasies,”althoughIhighlydoubtthey’re“longover.”

Yourboss,

Michael

PS—Yes.Mydayisdefinitelygoingfarbetterthanyours...

Oh.My.Fucking.God!

Ifeltallthecolordrainingfrommyface,andIswearIdidn’tbreatheforoveraminute.
Ishookmyheadinutterdisbelief,refusingtoacceptthatI’dsentmyranttohiminsteadofAmy.I

refreshedmycomputerscreenagainandagain,hopingthatthiswassometypeofjoke.

Aloudandsuddenknockcametomydoorandmyheartnearlyfelloutofmychest,butIdidn’t

getup.Ididn’tmakeasinglemove.

Theknockcameagain,muchlouderthistime,andthistimeIheardhisvoice.“MissLondon?”He

knockedoncemore.

Islowlystoodupfrommydeskandlookedoutsidethepeephole.Mr.Leightonwaslookingdown

athiswatch,hisfacestillimpossiblyperfectandflawless.Hisfulllipspressedintoanangryflatline.

Helookedupfromhiswatchandstaredthroughthepeephole,lettinghiseyesmeetmine.
Ijumpedbackfromthedoorandconsideredmyoptions.Icouldopenthedoorandlistento

whateverhehadtosay,orIcouldleavethroughmyoffice’ssideexitdoor.

Itwasano-brainer.
Igrabbedmycoat,mylaptop,andshutdownmycomputer.ThenIrushedoutofmysidedoorand

tookthefreightelevatordowntowheremytowncarwaswaiting.

MydrivereyedmesuspiciouslyasIliterallyranthroughthegarage,buthedidn’tprotestwhenI

beggedhimtohurryupandgetmehome.

Ididn’twaitforhimtoopenthedoorformeorwishmeagooddaywhenwearrived.I

practicallyjumpedoutofthecarandrushedstraightintomybuilding—makingabeelineforAmy’s
place.

“Amy?”Iknockedonherdoor.“Amy!”
“Coming!”Sheswungopenherdoorimmediatelyandpulledmeinside.“Noneedtobangonmy

doorlikethat,Mya.Whatthehelliswrongwithyou?”

“IthinkIjustgotfired.”
“What?Howdoyouthinkyoujustgotfired?Youeitherdidoryoudidn’t.”
“Okay,okay.Ididn’tgetfiredyet,butI’mprettysurehe’sgoingtofireme.He’sdefinitelygoing

tofireme.Ohgod,ohgod,ohgod...”

“Mya,slowdown.”Sheplacedherhandsonmyshoulders.“SpeakEnglish,slowly.Veryslowly.”
“Iaccidentallysenthimoneofmycomplainingemails,acomplainingemailthatwasonehundred

percentmeantforyou.”

“Wasitworsethantheoneyousentmeyesterdaymorning?”
“Wayworse.Imentionedmyfantasiesabouthiscockinthisone...Icalledhimanassholeandsaid

Iusedtowanthimtobendmeoverhisdesk.”

Herfaceturnedredaswell,andsheopenedhermouthtosaysomething,butthesoundofmy

phoneringingcaughtbothofourattention.

IpulleditoutofmypocketanddamnneardroppeditatthesightofMr.Leighton’snameonmy

screen.Unsureofwhattodo,Itosseditontohercouch.

“Isthathim?”Amyasked.
Icouldonlynod.
“Doyouplanonansweringit?”
“No.”Istaredatituntilitwenttovoicemail.Butthenitrangagain.
Andagain.
Rollinghereyes,Amypickedupmyphoneandhit‘answer ’beforetossingittome.

“Hello?”Ianswered,myvoicewasbasicallyawhisper.
“Hello,MissLondon.”Thesoundofmynamefallingfromhismouthmademetakeaseat.“DidI

catchyouatabadtime?”

Ishookmyheadasifhecouldseeme.
“Areyouthere,MissLondon?”Hisdeepvoicesentwarmththroughmybody.“DidIcatchyouat

abadtime?”

“Notreally...”
“Good.Whereareyourightnow?”
“Oh,um...”IlookedtoAmyforhelp,butshewassmiling,lookingasifthisshitwasactually

funny.“Ijustrandowntothecopyroom.”

“So,you’restillinthebuilding?”
“Youcouldsaythat.”
“Isawyougettinginyourtowncarhalfanhourago.”Therewasasmileinhisvoice.“You’re

definitelynotinthebuildingrightnow.”

“Yes,well...Istheresomethingyouneedfrommerightnow?”
“Thereisactually,”hesaid,hisvoiceevendeeper,sexier.“Icametoyourofficethisafternoon

becauseIneededtodiscusssomethingprivateandveryimportantthatpertainstoyouandme,butI
missedyousomehow.So,Ineedyoutocomeintoworkanhourearlytomorrowsowecanhavethis
privateandimportantconversation.Canyoudothat?”

Inodded,slightlyturnedonbythewayhe’dsaidtheword“private.”
“MissLondon,”herepeated.“Canyoudothat?”
“Yes...”
“Good.I’llseeyouinthemorning.”Heendedthecall,andalargeglassofwinewasimmediately

thrustintomyhandviaAmy.

Shit.Shit.Shit...
Shetriedherbesttodistractmefromtoday’sepicmistakebymakingmewatchterribleNetflix

shows,andlettingmecrashonhercouchforhours,butitwasnouse.

Iwokeuptwiceinthemiddleofthenight,hopingthisallwassometypeofbaddream.Andfora

moment,itseemedlikeitreallywas,untilIcheckedmyphoneandsawthatMr.Leightonhadsentme
amessageminutesbeforemidnight.

Subject:Tomorrow.

Arriveonehourearlierthannormal.
Don’tforget.(Iwon’t.)
MichaelLeighton
CEO,LeightonPublishing

THEASSISTANT

Mya

Manhattan,NewYork

Therewasno“WhatINeedToday”emailfromhimthismorning,nolastminuterequestforcoffee,
newreleasenovels,orbreakfast.

AsIheadedtotheofficeonehourearlierlikeherequested,InoticedhisJaguarwasn’tinhis

designatedspot.Somewhatrelieved,Itooktheelevatortomyfloorandunlockedmyoffice—unsure
astowhetherIshouldstartorganizingmythingsforanupcomingterminationornot.

Wheneverhedecidedtobringupmyemail,IknewIwasgoingtohavetochoosebetweenthree

optionswhenIresponded.PlanA:Deny.Deny.Deny.PlanB:Denymore.Denymore.Denymore.Plan
C:Suckupmypride,admitIwaswrong,andhopehedoesn’tfiremebecauseIhaven’treceivedan
officialjobofferfromanywhereelseyet.

IthastobePlanA...
JustasIwasabouttositdown,mydeskphonerangandhisofficenumberappearedonthescreen.

Takingadeepbreath,Ipickedupthereceiver.“Yes,Mr.Leighton?”

“Comeuptomyoffice.”Hehungupwithoutasingleword,leavingmeconfused.
Ilockedmypurseinmydrawerandtookthesteps,knockingthreetimesuntilhisfamiliar,“Yes?”

greetedmeandmademeopenthedoor.

Hewassittinginhischair,hisbackfacingme.Atthesoundofmyheelsclackingagainstthefloor,

heslowlyspunaround—hisdeepbrowneyesmeetingmine.

HissuittodaywasoneIhadn’tseenbefore,adarkgreyonethatperfectlycomplementedthenew

silverwatchonhiswrist.Thewatchhe’dfartoorecentlymademestandinlinetoget.

“Haveaseat.”Hemotionedformetositinfrontofhisdesk.
Isatdownandhepickeduphiscoffee,takingalongsip.
“Youknow,MissLondon,”Heemphasizedeverysyllableofmyname.“Ihonestlythoughtyou

andIwereonbetterterms,especiallyafterworkingtogetherforoverayear.ButitseemsIwas
clearlymistaken.”

Helookedasifhewaswaitingforsometypeofexplanationinregardstomyemail,andIstill

wasn’tsureifIwantedtogoforPlanA,B,orC.AsifhecouldsensethatIwasweighingmyoptions,
hislipscurvedupintoasmirk.

Itriedtoavertmygazeaway,evenforasecond,butIcouldn’tlookawayfromhimatall.
“Areyougoingtosaysomething?”heasked.“Orareyougoingtocontinuesittingthereasifyou

havenoideawhatI’mtalkingabout?”

“Isthisaboutmeleavingearlyyesterday?”IsettledonPlanA.“Iwasfeelingalittleill,that’sall.”
“Thisisaboutaparticularlyinappropriateemailwhereyoumakeamentionofmefuckingyou.”
MycheekswereonfireandIknewhewasn’tgoingtoletmeavoidthisatall.

“I’msorry,”Isaid,thewordsrushingout.“IhadnoideathatI’daccidentally—”
“Thisisalsoabout...”hesaid,cuttingmeoffasheraisedhishand.“Mepossiblyneedingtogoto

humanresourcesandfileacomplaint.Asexualharassmentcomplaint.”

What?
Slowlystandingup,hewalkedinfrontofhisdesk—keepingmepinnedtotheseatwithhisangry

gaze,makingmesoakingwetwitheveryslightlickofhislips.

“SexualharassmentisaveryseriousoffensehereatLeightonPublishing,MissLondon.”He

lookedmeupanddown.“I’vehadpeoplefiredforfarlessegregiousoffenses,andItechnically
shouldbedoingthesametoyourightnowasthatwouldonlybemorethanfair.”Hedidn’tletmeget
awordin.“EspeciallysinceIdon’tthinkyoufullyunderstandwhywhatyoudidwassooffensive.”

“Ido...”Myvoicewasawhisper.
“Ohreally?”Heraisedhiseyebrow.“CanyouimagineifIaccidentallysentasimilaremailto

someoneaboutyouthewayyoudidme?”

Ididn’tanswer.
“Letmeputthisinperspectiveforyou.”Heleanedforward,soclosehiskneesweretouching

mine.“IfIsentanemailtoyou—accidentallythatis,anditsaidthatI’vewantedyoutosityourpussy
onmyfacesinceyoustartedworkinghere...OrthatI’vewantedtobendyourassovermyowndesk
andfuckyouuntilyoubeggedmetostopeverytimeyouworeaparticularshadeofdress,don’tyou
thinkIwouldneedtobereprimandedsomehow?”

Iwasspeechlessathiswords,andIwasn’tsureifhewassimplygivinganexampleorifhe’d

reallythoughtaboutmethewayI’dthoughtabouthim.

“Answerme,Mya.”Thewaymynamefellfromhislipsmademesuckinabreath.“Don’tyou

thinktherewouldbeanuproarwithseriousconsequences?”

“Maybe.”
“Maybe?No,definitely.”Headjustedhistie.“Infact,therewouldbesuchanuproarthatIthinkthe

ITdepartmentwouldbeforcedtogothroughalltheemailsI’deversentonanycompanydevice
sincenothingsentonacompanyserverisevertrulydeleted.Infact,they’dprobablyhaveto
investigateandseeifthiswasaone-timeoffenseoraparticularlyinterestingpattern...”

Ifeltmyjawdroppingandstruggledtokeepmylipstogether.
“Imean,”hesaid,lookingsomewhatserious.“Dependingonwhattheyfound,they’dhaveto

personallyaddressmeandassessthedamages.AndifthepersonIwastalkingabout‘fucking’inmy
emailswantedto,I’msureshecouldmakemylifeverymiserable.”

Silence.
Hepickedupafolderfromhisdeskandslowlysetinonmylap—somehowmanagingtoturnme

onevenfurtherwithouteventouchingme.“Threehundredandsixty-sevenemailsbetweenyouand
your‘bestie’,Amy.”

That’sit?
“That’sthismonthalone.”Hisvoicewasclipped.“Ididn’thavetimetoreadmorethanafewof

them,butI’massumingwewon’tbeseeinganymoreoftheseinourITdatabase.Orwillwe?”

“No.”Ishookmyhead.
“Good.Ihadthemallpermanentlydeleted.You’rewelcome.”Hestoodupandglancedathiswatch.

“ThoseRobertofilesareduebeforeourmorningmeetingwithLockwood.”Hewalkedovertothe
doorandhelditopen,waitingformetoleave.

Avoidinghisgaze,Istoodupandheadedintothehallway.
“Oh,andonelastthing,MissLondon,”hesaid,makingmelookovermyshoulder.
“Yes?”

“Fortherecord,peryouremailwiththesubjectheading,‘IWonderIfHeEatsPussy’...”He

lookedmeupanddown.“Idoeatpussy,andifIeverwasgoingtoeatyourpussy...Ifthatthoughthad
everbeenfilthyenoughtocrossmymindandcertaincircumstancesbetweenusweredifferent,you
wouldn’tbeabletowalkfordaysafterIwasdonewithyou...”

THEBOSS

Michael

Manhattan,NewYork

I’dreadeverysingleemailIpulledfromtheinteldepartment.Every.Single.One.

Theywereeasytotracksinceapparentlysheandherfriendlabeledalltheonesinregardstome

as“Ass-holeryReport,”“MyBoss,”or“ThisManToday...”

Itwasquiteapparentthatshe“hated”meandIalmostregrettedtakingoutmysexualfrustrationon

herbydemandingsomuch.Almost.

Hermindwasdamnnearasnaughtyasminewhenitcametosex,anditwasslightlygratifyingto

knowthattheattractionwasn’tonesided,eveniftherewaslittleIcoulddoaboutit.

I’dnevermixedbusinesswithpleasurebefore,andIwasn’tgoingtostartnow.Ijustneededtoget

throughalleightofourmeetingstodaywithoutthinkingaboutwhatI’dseeninheremails,without
thinkingaboutthefactthatmaybeitwasn’tmixingbusinesswithpleasureifshewassohellbenton
leavingsoon.

IfIwas‘letting’herleavesoon,thatis.
Fuck...

THEASSISTANT

Mya

Manhattan,NewYork

Subject:WhatINeedInTwoHours

TheLexingtonfiles.TransferpapersontheacquisitionofLernerandTaylor.Yourfront-list

report.Thenotesfromthisafternoon’smeeting.

MichaelLeighton
CEO,LeightonPublishing

Iclosedhisemailandsighed.Iwasstartingtowishthathe’dsimplyfiredme.Eversincethatmeeting
inhisofficetwodaysago,he’dbeentwiceasdomineering.Twiceasunbearable.

It’dtakeneverythingoutofmenottowalkoutontheall-staffmeetingwhenhepurposelyputme

onthespotandaskedmeseveralquestionsaboutabookheknewIhadn’thadthechancetoreadyet.
Thenagainwhenhechastisedmeinfrontofeveryoneforsubmittingincompletereportsthatweren’t
evendueforanotherfourweeks.

TherewasnowayIwasgoingtocompleteeveryobjectiveinhismostrecentemailwithintwo

hours,soIwasn’tevengoingtotry.IgrabbedtheworkI’dalreadyfinishedandheadeduptohis
office,sendingAmyanemailontherideup.

Ididn’tcareifhecaughtthismessageonthecompanyserverornot.

Subject:HorribleBoss+TypicalA*holeBehavior+LongDay=Wine.Stat!

I’mleavingworkearlytoday.CanIcomeoveranddrinkwineatyourplaceforthenight?
Yourbestie,
Mya

Herresponsecamethroughinseconds.

Subject:Re:HorribleBoss+TypicalA*holeBehavior+LongDay=Wine.Stat!

Ofcourse.
I’llheadoutnowandbuyyourfavorite.
Yourbestie,

Amy

Thesecondtheelevatordoorsopened,IheadedstraightforhisofficeandIdidn’tbotherknocking.

Iopenedthedoorandsawhimreadingabookathisdesk.
“MayIhelpyouwithsomething,MissLondon?”Helookedupatme.
“Hereismyfront-listreport.”Islammedahugebinderofpaperworkonhisdesk.“TheLexington

report,whatImanagedtofinishforitanyway,shouldbeinyourinboxwithinminutes.”

“Youdidn’tneedtocomeupheretosaythat.Youshould’vejustsentmeanemail...”Hisgazewent

tomylips,butthenhenarrowedhiseyesatme.“YouknowIhatewhenpeoplecomeintomyoffice
withoutpermission.”

“Youhatealotofthings.”Ishrugged.“Maybeyoushouldjustlearnhowtodealwiththemlike

everyoneelse.I’llbebringingmynotesfromthisafternoon’smeetingupherewhenIfinish—without
knocking,sinceI’llprobablyhavetobringyoualatelunch,andthenI’mofficiallydonefortheday.”

“No.”Heflippedapageinhisbook.“You’lljustthinkyou’redonefortheday.Ineedyoutostay

untileighto’clocktoday.”

“Ican’t,”Isaidfirmly.“Ihaveplans.”
“Iknow,”hesaid,puttingdownhisnovel.“Yourplansinvolvestayinghereuntileighto’clock.”
“Mr.Leighton...”Ilookedhimrightintheeyes.“Withallduerespect,whichyoudeservenoneof

afterthewayyou’vetreatedmethisweek,I’mnotstayingtoday.Idon’thavetime.Andactually,you
knowsomethingelse?”IknockedthefolderI’djustsetonhisdeskontothefloor,sendinghundreds
ofloosereportsheetstothefloor.“I’mnotgoingtopickthatup,andI’mnotgoingtodoanything
elsetoday.I’mgoinghome.Now.”

“MissLondon...”Hegrittedhisteeth.“Don’tmakeme—”
“What?Fireme?Pleasedo.”Iturnedawayfromhimandrushedoutofhisofficewithmyblood

boilingandmyfrustrationatanall-timehigh.

Seething,Itookthestepsdowntomyofficeandslammedthedoorshut.Iloggedintomy

schedulingportalandsentemailcancellationsfortheremainderofmymeetings.IalsosentHuman
ResourcesamessagethatconfirmedIwasleavingearlyfor“personalreasons”andthatImayneedto
requestadditionaltimeoffinthecomingdays.

Imadesurealltheemailswentthrough,andthenIshutdownmycomputerandclosedallofthe

bindersonmydesk.

AsIwasslippingintomycoat,mydoorswungopenandMichaelstormedinsidemyoffice.
“Goingsomewhere?”Hehissed,clenchinghisjaw.“DidyounothearwhatIsaidwhenwewere

upstairs?”

“Idid.”Ipickedupmyscarf.“DidyounothearwhatIsaid?I’m.Leaving.Youcanstandthereand

threatenmewithyourstaresallyouwant,butI’mgoinghome.”

“Mya...”Heshutthedoorandlockedit,thenhesteppedtowardmydesk.“I’mnotgoingtoaskyou

tostayhereagain.”

“Good.”Ishrugged.“Thenthatmakesitthatmucheasierformetoleave.”Islungmypurseover

myshoulderandheadedforthesidedoor,buthegrabbedmyelbowfrombehindandspunmearound
tofacehim.

“Whyareyoubeingsogoddamndifficult?”Hepressedhisforeheadagainstmine.“Ireallyneed

youtostayherewithmetoday...”

“ThenIneedyoutogivemeaworthwhilereasonto.”
Hislipssuddenlycrashedagainstmineandhisarmswentaroundmywaist,hisfingersdeftly

unfasteningthebeltofmycoat.Keepinghismouthagainstmine,hepulledopenmylapelsandpushed

thecoatoffmyshouldersandontothefloor.

Bitingmybottomlip,heslidhishandupmydress,slowlytearingoffmysoakedpanties.He

kissedmeuntilIwasbreathless,gentlypushingmebackwardandagainstmydesk.

Brieflylettingmylipsgo,hepushedallofmybindersandfilesontothefloor.Myofficeline

begantoring,andheimmediatelyknockedthephonetothefloor,too.

Withoutsayingaword,hegrabbedmebymywaistandliftedmeup,firmlyplantingmeonthe

faceofmydesk.MybareasscheekshitthecoldmetalandIsuckedinabreathasIcaughtsightofhis
hardenedcockthroughhispants.

“Spreadyourlegsforme,”hecommanded.
Thesoundofpeopletalkingoutsidemyofficemademewanttojumpup,butheplacedhishand

againstmystomachandstaredintomyeyes.

“Theywon’tbeabletohearus,”hewhispered.“DowhatItoldyoutodo.Now.”
Islowlymovedmylegsapartandheloosenedhistie,keepinghisgazebetweenmythighs.
Hesteppedbetweenmylegsandpressedhisthumbagainstmyswellingclit,applyingjustenough

pressuretomakememurmur.

“Ineedyoutopromisemethatyou’renotgoingtoscream,”hesaid.“Theywillhearthat...”
Inodded,unabletorespondashebentdownandsuckedmyclitintohismouth.“Canyoupromise

methat,Mya?”

“I...”Inoddedagain,breathingslowlyasheblewagainstmyskin.“Yes...IpromiseI

won’t...Screamwhenyoufuckme...”

“Iwasn’treferringtowhenIfuckedyou.”Heliftedhisheadup,smirking.“Ihavetoeatyour

pussyfirst.”Hesuddenlygrabbedmebymyanklesandpulledmeclosertotheedgeofthedesk,
quicklypositioningbothofmylegsoverhisshoulders.

Withoutwastinganothersecond,heburiedhisheadbetweenmylegsandpressedhismouth

againstmypussy—sendingeverynerveinmybodyintooverdrive.Histonguedartedagainstmyclit
relentlesslyandIcriedoutasheslidtwothickfingersinsideofme,ashegroaned.

Myhandswenttohishair—grippingithardasIbeggedhimformercy,buthecontinuedto

torturemewithpleasure.Inbetweenmoans,Ithreatenedtoscream,butheonlylaughedandthe
strokesofhistonguebecamemorepowerful.

Ashishandsheldmylegssteadyagainsthismouth,Ifeltmyselfonthevergeofanorgasm,felt

myentirebodybeginningtoshake.

“Michael,I...I...”Istruggledtogetanotherwordtofalloutofmymouth.Mybodyconvulsed

againstthedesk,forcingmetobreakmypromiseandscreamsoloudlyIwassureeveryoneonthe
floorcouldhearme.

Ifelthimpressinghisfingersagainstmymouth,heardhimcommandingmetobequiet,butIshut

myeyesandtossedmyheadback—losingallcontrol.

Iwasn’tsurehowlongIcontinuedtoshake,orifanyofmycoworkersheardme,butwhenI

openedmyeyesagain,mylegswerestillaroundMichael,andhewasstaringatme.

Ithoughthewasgoingtosaysomething,tofindawaytobreakourheatedsilence,buthesimply

movedmylegsfromaroundhisshouldersandunbuttonedhispants.Myeyeswidenedasfarasthey
couldgoashepulledouthiscock,asIrealizedhewasthickerandmorewell-hungthanI’dimagined.

Hesmiledatmyshockedreaction,tippingmychinupwithhisfingertips.“Bendoverthedesk.”
Igasped.“What?”
“Youheardme.”Hegrabbedmyhandsandpulledmeup.Thenhegrippedmyhipsandspunme

aroundsomybackwastohisfront.“Bendoverthefuckingdesk.”

Slowlyobliging,Ipressedmychestagainstthemetal.

Iheardthesoundofhispantshittingthefloor,thesoundofhimunwrappingacondom.From

behind,heslowlypushedmydressuptomywaist.

Slappingmyass,heslowlyslidhishugecockintome,inchbyinch.
Moaning,IstruggledtomaintainmybalanceasIadjustedtohisimpressivelength.
Whenhewascompletelyinsideofme,hegrabbedafistfulofmyhairandpulledmyheadback

untiloureyesmet,whispering,“IsthishowIfuckedyouinyourfantasies?”

Ididn’tgetachancetoanswer.Hepoundedintomerelentlessly,keepingonehandinmyhairand

slappingmyasseachtimeIcriedout.

HebitmyshoulderasIsaidhisname,asIshutmyeyesoncemoreandrealizedhewastentimes

betterinrealitythananyfantasyI’deverconcocted.

Heletgoofmyhairandslidahanduptomybreasts,squeezingthemashewhispered,“I’ve

wantedtofeelyourpussyonmycockeversinceyoustartedworkinghere...”

Igasped,unabletoreactasmylegsbegantoshakealloveragain.
“Michael...Michael...”
“Mya...Mya...”Hemockedme,aslightsmileinhisvoice.
“I...I...”Igrippedtheedgeofthedeskasheslappedmyassagain.Hewhisperedmynameasthe

tremorscontinuedtobuildinsideofme,andIheardhimsay,“Waitforme,”butIwasalreadythere.

Mypussythrobbedinpleasureandanotherorgasmwrackeditswaythroughmybody,leavingme

limpandbreathlessagainstthedesk.Leavingmewonderingjusthowlonghe’dfuckedme.

Holdingmestill,hefoundhisownreleasesecondslater,andIstruggledtocatchmybreath.
Thetwoofusremainedentwined,andhekissedthebackofmyneck.
“Areyouokay?”heaskedsoftly.
Inodded.
“CanIletyougonow?”
“No.”
Heletoutalowlaughandheldmeagainsthimlonger,waitinguntilIgavehimtheokaytoletme

go.Kissingthebackofmyneckoncemore,heslowlypulledoutofmeandtossedthecondominto
thetrash.ThenhewrappedhisarmsaroundmeandspunmearoundsoIwasproppedagainstthe
desk.

AsifhecouldtellIwasunabletofullyfunctiononmyown,hereadjustedmydressandhelped

meintomycoat.Thenheranhisfingersthroughmyhairandlookedmeoverbeforepickingupmy
heelsandhelpingmeslideintothem.

“Youshouldcallyourdrivernow,”hesaidsoftly,pickingupmydeskphonefromthefloorand

handingittome.“I’llwalkyoudownstairs.”

Inoddedanddialedmydriver,watchingMichaelslipintohispantsandadjusthistie.Hiseyes

neverleftmine,andassoonasmydriversaid,“I’llbedownstairsinfive,”Ihungup.

MichaelhandedmemypurseandIwobbledonmyheelsasIattemptedtowalk—earninga

knowing,sexysmilefromhim.Hepulledmeagainsthissideandthankfullywalkedmetowardthe
freightelevatorssonoonewouldseeus.

Iavoidedlookingathimaswerodetheelevator.IwasincompleteanduttershockthatI’d

actuallyfuckedhim,thattheleadingmaninallmyfantasieshadeasilyputeverysingleoneofthose
toshamewithreality.

Whenwesteppedoutsidetogether,Iwasimmediatelyconfusedastowhytheskyhadfallendark

soquickly.

Michaelwalkedmerighttothetowncarandopenedthebackdoor,waitingformetogetinside.

Helookedasifheexpectedmetosaysomething,butforwhateverreason,Icouldonlythinkofone
thing.

“Thankyouforbeingsounderstanding,Mr.Leighton,”Isaid,notwantingtogivethedriverany

typeofimpressionaboutwhatthehellhadjusthappenedbetweenus.

“Forunderstandingwhat,MissLondon?”
“ThatIwasn’tstayinguntileighto’clocktoday.Gladwecouldcometothatunderstanding.”
Aslowsmilespreadacrosshisfaceandheglancedathiswatch.“Ithinkyou’rehighly

misinformedrightnow,MissLondon.It’snineo’clock.”Hetookonelastlookatmeandshutthe
door.“SeeyouMonday.”

THEEMAILS

Mya

Subject:Isleptwithhim.

Like,Ireallysleptwithhim...
Yourbestie,
Mya

Subject:Re:Isleptwithhim.

You“really”sleptwithwho?Theblinddateguy?
*AndwhyareyouemailingmefromabrandnewGmailaccount?
Yourbestie,
Amy

Subject:Re:Re:Isleptwithhim.

Myboss...
*Superlongstory.
Yourbestie,
Mya

Subject:Re:Re:Re:Isleptwithhim.

WhattheFUCK?AreyouOUTOFYOURGODDAMNMIND,MYA?
Whatthehelliswrongwithyou???
(Howwasitthough...?:))
*Ilikesuperlongstories.
Yourbestie,
Amy

Subject:Re:Re:Re:Re:Isleptwithhim.

ItwasthebestsexI’veeverhadinmylife.
Like,Idon’tthinkI’lleverbeabletostopreplayingitinmymind.AndIdon’tthinkIcangoback

toworkonMondayandlookathimwithastraightfaceagainafterthis...

I’llbeatyourplaceinfive.
Yourbestie,
Mya

THEBOSS

Michael

Manhattan,NewYork

Myweekendflewbyinarestlessblur,punctuatedbymentalreplaysoffuckingMyainheroffice.I’d
honestlyneverthoughtaboutthesamewomanafterIwasfinishedhavingsex,butthemoreI
attemptedtostopthinkingaboutMya,themoreimagesofherwrithingagainstmylipscametomind.
Themoreimagesofherbentoverherdeskandsayingmynameinvadedmyeverythought.

Notonlythat,butIhadn’theardfromhertoday.Shehadn’tansweredmy“WhatINeedToday”

emailwithherusual“Ok,”andshewasalreadymorethantwohourslate.Ifiguredshewastryingto
pullthat“IstayedlateFridaysoI’mcominglateMonday”bullshit,soIdecidedtothinknothingofit.

Itriedmybesttodistractmyselfuntilourtwoo’clockmeetingbecausesheknewbetterthanto

missanydayofworkforthenextmonthsinceitwasacquisitionseason.

AsIwasreadingthroughtheneweststackofapprovedbookdeals,asoftknockcametomydoor.
“Yes?”Isetmypapersdown,expectingtoseeMya,butitwasonlyBradandacateringdelivery

guy.

“Morning,”Bradsaidashewalkedovertomydesk.“Iwantedtocomeearlyandtreatyouand

Myatoalatelunchifyoudon’tmind.”

“Idon’tmind.”Ilied,motioningforthedeliveryguytosetoutthefoodonmydesk.
“Wildweekend?”Bradasked.
“No.Whatmakesyouaskthat?”
“Youlooklikeyou’reonedge,likeyouhaven’tsleptindaysoryou’restressedaboutsomething.

Ormaybeit’s...”Hepaused,lettingoutalongexasperatedsigh.“Areyoubracingtotellmeaboutan
upcomingtabloidstory?”Heshookhishead.“Youweredoingsowell,Michael.Sowell...”

“No.”Irolledmyeyes.“AndI’mnotonedge.Ifyoumustknow,Ididn’tsleepwelllastnightandI

stillhavetogetthroughathree-hoursessionwithyouandMyathatstartsatanymoment.”

“SpeakingofMya—”Hestartedtosay,butIinterruptedhim.
“She’sallergictogarlic,”Isaidtothedeliveryguy,pickingupthebasketofbreadhe’dsetdown.

“Canyoureplacethiswithwheatrolls?”

“Yessir.”
“Andthis.”Igesturedtoabottleofcaramelsyruphe’dsetout.“She’llthinkthisishazelnutand

haveacoughingspellifshedrinksasipofit.Takethisaswellandbringupchocolatesyrupinstead.”

“Yessir.”Hepickeduptheoffendingitemsandheadedtothedoor.“Berightback.”
Bradraisedhiseyebrow,lookingcompletelyconfused.“Haveyoualwaysmemorizedyour

assistant’sfoodpreferences?”

“Onlytheoneswholastoverayear.”

“Ah.”Helaughed.“Well,likeIwassaying,AppleandMicrosoftcalledtotellmethatyoustill

haven’treturnedtheircallsaboutherreferencesoyoureallyneedtodothatatsomepointthisweek.
Youdoplanongivingheragoodrecommendation,don’tyou?”

MyphonerangbeforeIcouldaddressthatquestion.
“Yes?”Ianswered.
“Goodmorning,Mr.Leighton,”asoftvoicesaid.“ThisisShelbyinHumanResources.I’msorry

I’mnotifyingyousolate,butyourexecutiveassistantcalledinearlierandputinanoticeforaweek
ofsickleave.”

“Aweek?”
“Yessir.Wouldyoulikemetofillherspacewithatempduringthistime?”
“No,thankyou.”Ihungupandleanedbackinmychair.Myaneverusedsickleave,evenwhenshe

wasactuallysick.She’dcometocountlessmeetingscoughingandsneezingwhensheprobably
should’vestayedhome,soIwasn’tsureifshewasusingourrecenttrystasleverage,orifshe’d
somehowbecomedeathlyillinamatteroffortyeightyhours.

“Michael?”Bradattemptedtogetmyattention.“Michael?”
Iignoredhim,pullingoutmyphoneandsendingMyaanemail.

Subject:SickLeave.

Youbetterhaveagoddamndoctor ’snote...
MichaelLeighton
CEO,LeightonPublishing

Herresponsewasimmediate.

Subject:Re:SickLeave.

AndifIdon’t?
MyaLondon
ExecutiveAssistanttoLeightonPublishingCEO

Subject:Re:Re:SickLeave.

Ifyoudon’t,IsuggestyoucallHRrightnowandrescindyour“sickleave”sinceIalreadyknow

it’sfake.ThenIsuggestyoumagicallyappearinmyofficewithinthenexthoursowecanpreparefor
nextweek’sroundofauthoracquisitions.

MichaelLeighton
CEO,LeightonPublishing

Subject:Re:Re:Re:SickLeave.

Oh,that’sright.Nextweekisveryimportant...
I’llprobablybesicknextweek,too.
(I’llprobablystillbe”recovering”fromsomething.)

MaybeifI’mgoneforawhileyou’llseehowhardmyjobreallyis.Maybethenyou’llappreciate

memore.

MyaLondon
ExecutiveAssistanttoLeightonPublishingCEO

Subject:Re:Re:Re:Re:SickLeave.

Youwillnot“probablybesick”nextweek.
Youwillbringyourasstowork.
(Itdoesn’ttaketwoweekstorecoverfromgettingproperlyfucked.)
I’dappreciateyoualotmoreifyoucameintoworktoday...
MichaelLeighton
CEO,LeightonPublishing

Iclosedmyinbox,notwaitingforherresponse.IlookedupandnoticedBradstaringatmeasifhe’d
justseenaghost.

“What?”Isaid.
“YoufuckedMya,didn’tyou?”
“Excuseme?”
“Youheardme.”Hedidn’tflinch.“Yousleptwithher...Yousleptwithher,andthat’swhyyou

haven’tcalledthosecompaniesback.That’sexactlywhyyoudon’twanthertoleave.”

“That’snotwhyIdon’twanthertoleave.”
“Soyou’readmittingtothepartaboutfuckingher?”
“No,”Isaid,denyingitandspendingcountlessminutesattemptingtocalmhimdown.Iknewhe’d

haveaheartattackifheknewthetruth.

WhenIwassurehewasconvinced,Ipulledoutthefilesfortoday’smeetingsothetwoofus

couldgothroughthemalone.

Ashebegantoorganizehisownfiles,Iopenedanewtabinmybrowserandlookedupalocal

floristsoIcouldorder“GetWell”flowersforMya—soIcouldsendheramoredirect“Bringyour
asstowork”note.

Ipickedoutaseven-layerbouquetofliliessinceshe’doncementionedlovingthoseinanovel

meeting,andIwashalfwaytothepurchasescreenwhenIstalled.

WhatthehellamIdoing?
Iclosedthescreenandclickedmypen.
Icoulddefinitelysurviveaweekwithoutherhelpsinceshewantedtocontinuetoplaygames.I

wasprettysureIcoulddoherjobevenbetterthanshecould.

Itcouldn’tbethathard.

THEBOSS

Michael

Manhattan,NewYork

Oneweekof“sickleave”later...

Subject:MyBoss...

Istillcan’tbelieveIfuckedmybosslastweek...
YouthinkhewouldbemadifIcalledinsickforasecondweek?
Yourbestie,
Mya
PS—IsitsadthatIdesperatelywanttofuckhimagain?

Subject:Re:MyBoss...

Istillcan’tbelievethatyouhaven’tlearnedtodoublecheckwhoyou’resendingyouremailsto...
Yes,“he”wouldbequitefuriousifyoucalledinsickforasecondweek.
Yourboss,
Michael
PS—It’snotsadatall,consideringhewantstofuckyouagainaswell.

Ihitsendonmyemailandputmyphoneaway.Shehadn’tshownuptoworkthismorming—no
advancenoticetoHumanResourcesatall,butIwouldn’tdarefileawrite-uporevensomuchas
verballyreprimandher.I’ddamnnearlostmymindoverthepastweekbyattemptingtodo
everythingshenormallydidforme,andIwasstartingtowonderifIreallywasasterribleofaboss
asshesaidIwas.

Evennow,asIsatacrossthetablefromanauthorwewereattemptingtoacquire,Iwasseconds

awayfromsaying,“Youknowwhat?Idon’tfeellikebeinghererightnow,”andaskingherto
reschedule.AndIwasverymuchtemptedtodrivetoMya’shousetoaddressthatlast“PS”noteinher
email.

Iwasalsoregrettinghostingthismeetingoverdinnerinsteadofatmyoffice.Infact,theonly

reasonI’dscheduledareservationatthisfive-starrestaurantwasbecausethreemonthsagoI’d
overheardMyatellingsomeoneshewishedshecouldaffordtodineheresomeday.Ofcourse,I’d
denythatfactifsheeverasked,butsinceshewasn’tevenheretonight,Ididn’tseeapointofmebeing
hereeither.

“So...”Theauthoracrossfromme,aprettybrunetteinhermid-thirtiesclearedherthroat.“IfI

signwithLeightonPublishing,I’mgoingtoneedsomepromisesfromyou.”

“Whattypeofpromises,MissSutherland?”
“Well,I’llneedyoutoactuallypromotemybook.”
“Wepromoteallofourbooks.”
“Well,Iknowthat.That’swhyyourreputationissogreat,butthat’sonlythebasiclevelof

promotion.Iwantyoutopromisemeamoviedealwithintwoyears,sixfigureadvancesforevery
futurebookIwrite,andIwantaworldtouratonlythebestbookstores.”

“Thisisyourdebutbook...”
“Iknow.AndIcouldtotallyselfpublishthisthingonamazonandhaveitliveinfiveseconds.Yet,

hereIam,takingariskonyouandofferingyouthenextsmashNewYorkTimesbestselleronasilver
platter.”

Irolledmyeyesandtookalongsipofwine.Istartedtochangethesubject,butshestartedtalking

aboutwhichactorsandactressesshewouldwouldprefertoreadheraudiobook,whichoneswe
“better”promiseher,soIeasilytunedherouthervoice.

ThiswasusuallythepartwhereMyawouldstepinandtelltheauthortohaverealistic

expectations,thepartwheremyfrayingthreadofpatienceworeeventhinnerandI’dhavetoexcuse
myselftogetmorecoffee.Withoutherhere,Iwasminutesawayfromcrackingandtellingthis
womantoshutthehellupandgetoverherself.

“YouknowwhatImean?”MissSutherland’svoiceinterruptedmythoughts.“Don’tyouhatewhen

Hollywoodturnsbooksintomovies,butthentheystripawaythebestparts?Ihonestlycan’tsigna
dealwithyouunlessyoupromisethatwon’thappentome.”

“MissSutherland...”Itriedtokeeptheannoyanceoutofmyvoice.“ThechancesofHollywood

takingyourdebutbook,whichisagoddamncookbookfilledwithcatfishrecipes,aresofuckinglow
that—”

“I’msorryI’msolate.”ThesoundofMya’svoicestoppedmefromsayinganotherword.
Dressedinashort,blackcocktaildressthatexposedherlonglegs,shelookedabsolutely

stunning.Herlipswerepaintedinabright,alluringred,andherhairwaspiledhighontopofher
headinaprettybevyofloosecurls.

ShewalkedovertoMissSutherlandandshookherhand,andthenshemouthed“Stopit”tomeas

shesatdown.

“IthinkwhatMr.Leightonistryingtosay—”MyafacedMissSutherland.“isthatweshouldfocus

ondoingallwecaninthecookingsphereforthisbook.Thenwecandiscussideasforyournext
collectionofrecipessowemakesureyourfuturecataloguewithusisasstrongasitcanbe.”

Istaredatherandremainedsilentfortheremainderofthemeeting,appreciatinghowshe

smoothlysteeredtherestoftheconversation.

Bythetimeweweredone,MissSutherlandwassigningthecontractandwishingusbothwell.

Whenweallstooduptoleavetherestaurant,IpressedmyhandagainstthesmallofMya’sbackand
noticedhowsheattemptednottoreact.

ThesecondMissSutherlandwastuckedawayinhercab,Myalookedupatme.
“You’rewelcome.”Shesmirked.
“Thankyou.Iappreciateit,”Isaid,lookingherupanddownoncemore.“Youlookprettydamn

goodtohavebeen‘sick’foraweek.”

Shedidn’tanswer.Shesimplystaredatme,andittookeveryounceofrestraintnottotakeher

handandpullherintomycarforthenight.

“Areyouplanningoncomingtoworktomorroworareyoukeepingmeinsuspense?”

“I’mnotsureyet.ItdependsonhowIfeelwhenIwakeup,onifIwantyoutoseeevenmoreof

howmuchyouputmethroughwhenyouhavetodoeverythingyourself.”Sheheldupherhandfor
thetowncarandhepulledrightinfront.“ButImustsay,I’mhappyyoufinallysaidthosetwo
preciouswordstomeinregardstomywork.”

“Whattwowords?”
“Thankyou.”
Isaidnothing.Ijustwatchedasherdriveropenedthebackdoorandmotionedforhertoget

inside.

Islidinsidenexttoherbeforehecouldshutthedoor.
“Whatthe—”Shebuckledherseatbelt.“Whatareyoudoing?”
“Driver,rollupthepartitionplease.”Iwaitedforthedrivertodividethecar.“MyaLondon,do

youreallythinkthatbecausewe’vefuckedIwon’tfireyou?”

“MichaelLeighton,”shesaid,mockingme.“Iknowyouwon’tfiremeandithasnothingtodo

withthefactthatwe’veslepttogether.”

“Wehaven’t‘slepttogether ’,we’vefucked.”
“Fine.”Sheloweredhervoice.“Fucked.ButIknowyouwouldn’tdarefireme.”
“Wouldyouliketobet?”
“NotwithamanwhoknowsthatI’mthebestdamnassistanthe’severhad.”
Ismiled,unabletocomeupwitharebuttalforthat.BeforeIcouldfireback,thedriver ’svoice

cameovertheintercom.

“MissLondon,areyoustillgoingtotheAMCinTimesSquare?”
“Yes,Archer.Thankyou.”
Ishutoffthespeakerbutton.“What’sattheAMCinTimesSquare?”
“Ihaveadatewithacompleteanduttergentleman.”Shelookedawayfromme,asifshewas

somewhatembarrassed.“Itwassetupweeksago.Ididn’twanttoberudeandcancelatthelast
minute.”

“What’shisname?”
“Noneofyourbusiness.”Sheturnedtofacemeagain.“Andunlessyouwanttobeathirdwheel,

areyougoingtohaveArchertakeyoubacktoyourJaguarwhilewe’reinthemovies?We’regoing
toneedthecarfordinnerlater,andnooffense,butyou’renotgooddinnercompany.”

“What’shisname?”Irepeated.
“Taylor,”shesaid.“Wouldyouliketoknowwhereheworksandhowoldheis,too?”
“Iwould.Tellme.”
“He’sananalystforABCstudios,andhe’stwenty-seven.Happy?”
“He’stooyoungforyou,”Isaid.“Andatthatagehedoesn’thaveanyrealrankinthatcompany.

Youcandobetterthanthat.”

“You’rereferringtoyourself?”
“No,I’mthebest,”Isaid.“Butyoucanatleastdobetteruntilyourealizethat.”
Shenarrowedhereyesatme,butshedidn’tsayanythingfurther.
“Andifthisistheguyfromtheemailwiththesubjectheading,‘It’sBeenAWeekAndHeHasn’t

CalledorTextedMeAtAll’,thenyouprobablyalreadyknowI’mright.Nomaninhisrightmind
wouldwaitaweektocallyou,unlesshewasyourbossthatis.”

Hercheeksturnedbrightredandherjawdropped.
“We’rehere,MissLondon,”herdriversaid,pullinginfrontofthetheater.
Myaunbuckledherseatbeltandwaitedforhimtoopenthedoor.
Iwalkedaheadandheldthedoortothetheaterforher,followingherasshewalkedtowardthe

ticketcounter.

“I’monlypickinguptwotickets,”shesaidtome.“You’renotreallygoingtofollowusintothe

theaterareyou?”

“No,butI’llwaituntilheactuallyappearsifyoudon’tmind.”
“Idomind.”
“Toughshit.”
“Fine.”ShepickedupherticketsfromtheclerkandIfollowedhertoacouchinoneofthe

theater ’sprivatelounges.Shepulledherphoneoutofherpurseandsmiledatthescreen.“Hesays
he’sintrafficbuthe’llbehereintwentyminutes.I’llbesuretotellyouallaboutournightatwork
tomorrowsinceyou’resoconcerned.”

“I’mnotconcernedatall,butthankyouforconfirmingthatyou’recomingtoworktomorrow.”
“You’renotworriedhe’llcomparetoyou?”
“We’vediscussedthis.Noonecomparestome.”Ismiled.“Andyouknowthat.Youalsoknowthat

youhavenodesiretofuckhimtonightbecauseI’mwillingtobetyou’restillthinkingaboutfucking
me.Thisiseitherapointlessdateyou’retooscaredtocancel,aploytomakemejealous,orboth.”

Sheblushedandlookeddownatherphone.
Fifteenminutespassedandshedidn’tlookupagain.Shesimplyrefreshedherphone’sscreen

againandagain.

Ilookedatmywatch.Themoviewasduetostartintenminutesandherdatewasano-show.
Herphonesuddenlybuzzedinherlapandshesmiled,tappingthescreen.Sheheldituptoher

face,hersmilefadingbythesecond.

Shetypedafewwords,andthenshelookedatme.“Hesaidsomethingcameupso...Okay.Youcan

goaheadandmakemefeellikeshitnow.I’vemisseditatwork,sonowyoucanapplyittomy
personallifeIguess.”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“Youknow,tellmehowdumbIwastoinviteaguywhopreviouslystoodmeuptwice,insteadof

lettinghimaskmeout.AndthenyoucansayhowdumbIwasforwastingmytimegettingalldressed
up,tryingmybesttomakeyoujealous—”

Icutheroffwithakiss,softlybitingherbottomlipuntilshemoaned.Untilshestoppedattempting

totalkandgavein.“Let’sgo.”

THEASSISTANT

Mya

Manhattan,NewYork

IsatstillinthepassengerseatofMichael’sJaguarashedrove,stillinshockthathe’ddemandedto
spendtherestofthenightwithme.He’daskedmydrivertotakeusbacktotherestauranttoretrieve
hiscar,toensurewehadcompleteprivacyfortherestofthenight.

Iwasn’tsurewhy,butwhenhelookedoveratmeatastoplight,Icouldn’thelpbutthinkthatapart

ofthisfeltright.Thatwhenhewasn’tbeingmyboss—evenforasplitsecond,hewasmorethan
likeable.

“It’llbeprettyhardtogetareservationatthishourinNewYorkCity,”Isaid,finallybreakingthe

silence.

“Wedon’tneedareservationforwherewe’regoing.”
“I’lltakeyourwordforit,butfortherecord,Ineedtoapologizeinadvance.”
“Forwhat?”
“Becausesinceyou’rejustassumingI’lllikewherewe’regoinginsteadofbeingagentlemanand

askingme,”Isaid.“I’maverypickyeaterandI’mallergictoalotofthings.”

“I’maware.”Heturnedrightatthelight.“Youdon’tlikeseafood,youonlyeatchickenifit’s

preparedacertaintypeofway,you’relactoseintolerantyetyoustilleatcertaintypesofcheese,andif
youwouldlike,Icanbreakdownanentirelistofrandomshitthatseemstomakeyousickforsome
reason.”Helookedoveratme.“Wouldyoulikemeto?”

Ishookmyhead,stunned.
“Good,”hesaid.“Ididn’taskbecauseIdon’thaveto,becausecontrarytowhatyoumaythinkof

me,Idopayattentiontoyou.Areyougoingtogivemeachancetobeniceorareyougoingtospend
thenightactinglikewe’reattheoffice?”

“I’llgiveyouachance...”
“Good.”Heplacedhishandonmyexposedthigh.“BecauseI’vebeentryingveryhardnottofuck

yousinceyoushowedupatdinnertonight,sothesecondyouwantmetostoptrying,pleasedon’t
hesitatetoletmeknow.”

Iblushedandleanedbackintheseat,stayingquietfortherestoftherideashesteeredthroughthe

snow-linedstreets.

Thirtyminuteslater,hepulledintotheturnaroundofahighrisetower.Valetapproachedhiscar

andhewalkedovertomysidetoopenthedoorforme.

Hepressedhishandagainstthesmallofmyback,andasthedoormanopenedthedoorforus,he

lookeddownatmeandwhispered.“Didyoureallywearthatdresstomakemejealous?”

“Depends.Diditwork?”

“Verymuchso.”Heledmeupashortflightofstepsandontoaglasselevatorthatfacedthebright

andglitteringlightsofManhattan.

Werodeitallthewaytothetoplevel,andthesecondthedoorsgaveway,awaitergreetedusand

gesturedforustofollowhimintoaprivateroom.

Ahearthblazedwarmlyinthecorner,andtherewasonlyonetableinthecenterthatfacedthe

floortoceilingwindows.

Thewaitersmiledandtookourwineordersbeforedisappearing.
“Isthisplacenormallysetupforprivatedinners?”Iasked.
“Notatall.”Helookedatme.“ButIdon’tthinkeitherofuswouldliketobespottedtogetherright

now,consideringourrelationship.”

“Yeah,Iwouldn’twantpeoplethinkingIsleptwiththe‘NaughtyBoss’orTabloidCEOtogetmy

job.”

“Meeither.”Helookedamused.“Whenareyoureallycomingbacktowork?”
“Youmean,whendoyoureallygettofuckmeagain?”
“No,I’mgoingtofuckyoutonight,”hesaid.“Itrulymean,whenareyoucomingbacktowork?”
“Onceyouadmitthatyouneedmealotmorethanyouthinkyoudo,andonceyouapologizefor

beingsorudetomeoverthepastyearthatI’veworkedforyou.”

“AndifIdon’t?”
“Well,amazingsexaside,Ihavethreemoreweeksofsickleaveandsomeverygenerousvacation

daysIcanmakeuseof.Asamatteroffact—”

“IneedyouandI’msorry.”Hiswordscameoutinarush.“AndIreallydoneedyoutocomeback

tohelpme,untilyou“quit”thatis...”

IknewhewantedmetosaythatIwasn’tquitting,thatIwouldatleastconsiderstaying,butone

nicedateandhotofficesexornot,IwasleavingLeightonPublishingthesecondIreceivedaworthy
enoughjoboffer.

Thankfully,thewaiterreturnedbeforeIcouldgetawordout,andthetwoofusorderedtheexact

samething.AsimpleSwisschickenpasta.

Tomysurprise,Michaelsteeredourdinnerconversationawayfromworkandsex.Forhours,we

talkedaboutallthethingswehadincommon,which,forsomereason,wasalotmorethanIthought.

Andeventhoughhewasbehavinglikeacompletegentleman,everytimeoureyesmet,itwas

clearhewassecondsawayfromsuggestingthatIlethimfuckmeonthespot.

Atthreeo’clockinthemorning,thewaitertoldushecouldn’tkeepthespaceopenasecond

longer,soMichaelhelpedmeintomycoatandweventuredoutintothecity.Heheldmeagainsthis
sideassnowfelloverus,andwewalkedallthewaydowntotheskatingrinkatRockefellerPlaza.

Igrippedtherailingandforseveralminuteswewatchedcouplesandfamiliesattempttokeep

theirbalanceontheice.

“CanIaskyousomethingpersonal?”IlookedupatMichael.
“Yes.”
“Wereanyofthosestoriesinthetabloidsfromlastyeartrue?”
“Someofthem.”
“Oh.”Ifrowned.“Really?”
“Whatareyoureallyaskingme,Mya?”
“Isthereanyreasonwhyyouhaven’tbeenfeaturedinoneforaverylongtime?”
“Yes...It’sbecauseIhaven’tdoneanyofthethingsIusedtodoforaverylongtime.”Hetrailedhis

fingeragainstmylips.“IpromisedmyadvisorIwouldtonedownmy‘activities’forthesakeofthe
companygoingpublicinthefuture.”Hepaused.“Ialsohappenedtoaccidentallyhireavery
compellingandsexydistractionworkingonthefloorrightbelowme.”

“Inotherwords,yousleptwithyourusualgroupiesinprivate.”
“Itriedto.”Headmitted.“ButIwashonestlytoodamnattractedtosomeoneelsetowastemytime

onotherpeople.”

“Idon’tbelieveyou.”Iblushed.“There’snowayyouhaven’tsleptwithanyoneelsesinceIstarted

workingforyou.”

“Youshould,andIhaven’t.”Heranhisfingersthroughmyhair.“Ihavenoreasontolietoyou.I

eventriedgettingridofyouwhenyoufirststartedsinceyouweresuchadistraction,butthatclearly
didn’tworkout.”

“Youwerepurposelybeingmeantomeinthebeginningtogetmetoquit?”
Hesmiled,silentlyconfirmingit.
“Thatisso...”Icouldn’tbelievehecouldlooksogenuinewhilesayingthat.“Thatissofucked

up.”

“Itwas.”
“No,is.”Ilookedintohiseyes.“Youstillactasifyou’retryingtogetmetoquit.”
“SigntheextensionandI’llbealotnicer.”
“HowabouttreatmebetterfirstandI’llconsiderthinkingaboutit?”
“Howaboutboth?”Hegentlypushedmeagainsttherailing.“Ihaven’ttrulybeen‘mean’toyouin

thepastsixmonths.Demanding?Yes.Slightlyunreasonablewiththeschedulingtimeandgetting
upsetaboutyourefusingtosignmycontract?Maybe.”

“Definitely.”
“Fine,”hesaid.“ButIhaven’tbeen‘mean’toyou.”
“You’vejustdoneyourbesttokeepmeoutofyoursightandfarawayfromyou,becauseyou

werethinkingabouthavingmeasmuchasIwasthinkingabouthavingyou?”

“Exactly.”Asmilespreadacrosshisface.“Iwasonlyprotectingmyself.”
Iburstintolaughter,feelinghislipsagainstminewithinseconds,feelinghisarmswrapping

aroundmywaistandpullingmeclose.

“CanItakeyouhomeandfuckyounow?”hewhisperedagainstmymouth.“Ordoweneedtodo

somethingelsetomakeyouseethatIreallydolikeyou?”

“Wecan...”Iblushedathislastfivewords.“Wecandothefirstthingyousaid.”

***

Michaelunlockedthedoortohislavishpenthousecondo,usheringmeintohisbedroomthat
overlookedthecity.Thesecondheclosedthedoorbehindus,hislipswereonmineandhisarms
werearoundmywaist.

“Ican’tstaywithyoulongtonight,”Iwhispered.“Ihavetoleavewithinanhour.”
“Anhour?”Heunzippedthesideofmydress.“WhatmakesyouthinkI’llbedonewithyouinan

hour?”

“Nothing,butmybossishighlyobsessedwithmebeingontimeforwork,andit’salreadyfive

o’clockinthemorning.IfI’mmorethanaminutelate,he’llsendmeanemailandactlikeit’stheend
oftheworld.”

Heletoutalowlaughandtoreoffmypanties.“Ithinkhe’llbemorethanwillingtomakean

exceptioninthiscase.”

Imovedmyhanddowntohispants,pullinghiszipper.“I’mnotsosureaboutthat.Hecanbequite

theassholesometimes.”

“Isthatso?”Hispantshitthefloorandhekissedmeharder,trappingmybottomlipbetweenhis

teeth.Hepushedmydressdownoffmyshoulders,andthenhepushedmebackontothebed.

“That’sveryso.”Ismiledasheclimbedinbednexttome,ashesuckedoneofmynipplesintohis

mouth.“I’dbeverysurprisedifhewaslatetoworktodayatall.”

“Hewillbe.”Hegrabbedmyhandsandrolledmeontopofhim.Heputonacondomandslowly

positionedmeoverhishardenedcock—silentlycommandingmetolowermyselfontoit.

Itookmytime,fillingmyselfwithhiminchbyinch,andwhenhewascompletelyinsideofme,I

entwinedmyhandswithhisandrockedagainsthim.

“Fuck...”HebreathedasItriedtospeedupmyrhythm,ashegrippedmyhipsandforcedmeto

slowdown.

Freeinghisrighthandfrommine,hepulledmyheadcloserandcoveredmymouthwithhis—

kissingmeuntilIwasnearlybreathless.

Hepressedhisfingersdeeperintomyskin,controllingthemovementofmyhips.Hewhispered

mynameagainstmylips,andmymusclestensedasIfelthiscockthrobbinginsideofme.

“Fuck,Mya...”Heheldontometightlyashecame,andIfeltfamiliarwavesofpleasurerolling

throughmeatthesametime.

Pantinguncontrollably,myentirebodywentlimpandIcollapsedagainsthischest.
Ishutmyeyes,expectinghimtoletmecatchmybreath,buthequicklymovedmeoffofhimand

flippedmeontomystomach.

Confused,buttootiredtoaskwhathewasdoing,Ikeptmyeyesshutandgroaned.Thenextthing

Ifeltwashismouthagainstmyback,himleavingfeather-lightkissesinasofttrailallthewaydown
myspine.Allthewaydowntomycheeks.

Bothofthem.
“There,”hesaid,slappingmyassandflippingmeover.“NowyoucanofficiallysayI’vekissed

yourass.”

Webothburstintouncontrollablelaughter,andhepositionedapillowundermyhead.
“Areyouokay?”heasked.“Doyouneedanything?”
“Water...Andagrandtourofyourapartmentlater.”
“Okay.Wecandefinitelydothat.”Hekissedmyforeheadandwalkedaway.
IwincedasItriedtostretchmylegsandmanagedtorolloveronmyside.Ilookedaroundthe

roomformypurse,spottingmycellphoneflashingthetell-talebluelightofanewemailfromits
pocket.ThinkingitwasAmywithanemergency,Ipulledthesheetsovermyselfandgotoutofbed.

Subject:WhatINeedToday.

Youinmyofficeforameetingatten.
MichaelLeighton
CEO,LeightonPublishing

Whatthe!

Iturnedaroundimmediately,findingmyselffacetofacewithMichael.“Youseriouslyexpectme

tobeabletogettoworkandholdateno’clockmeetingwithyoutoday?”

“Yes.”Hepulledmetowardthebed.“IhavesomeformerfantasiesofmyownI’dlikeustofulfill

inmyoffice...”

THEEMAILS

Mya

Subject:Non-AssholeryReport#15(GetUsedtoThisNewGmailAccount)

Heboughtmeflowerstoday.Freshwhiteliliesfrommyfavoriteflorist.(AfloristIdon’trecall

evertellinghimabout...)

Butthenheaskedmetosignthatextensionagain.
Maybehe’snotthatbadafterall?Oristhisjustthesextalking?
Yourbestie,
Mya

Subject:Re:Non-AssholeryReport#15(GetUsedtoThisNewGmailAccount)

It’s.Just.The.Sex.Talking.
Please!
(ButIwilladmitthathimsendingyouflowersandgettingyourcoffeeeverymorningisanice

andnecessarychange...It’sstillthesextalkingthough.:))

Yourbestie,
Amy

Subject:AppleJustTurnedMeDown...

Applejustcalledmeandsaidtheywillnotbeabletooffermeemploymentbasedon“extensive

conversationswithmyreference.”DoyouthinkBradsaidsomethingnegativeaboutme?:(

PS—Googlejustcalledmeandsaidthesamething...
Yourbestie,
Mya

Subject:Re:AppleJustTurnedMeDown...

I’msosorry,Mya.I’msurethisonlymeansthatyou’regoingtolandajobatoneoftheother

companiesandit’llbeamuchbetterfitforyou.

IhighlydoubtBradsaidanythingnegativeaboutyouthough.He’slovedyousinceyourfirst

interviewandpracticallythinksyou’rethereasonMr.Leightonhasbecomeabetterexecutive.Why
don’tyouaskhimwhathesaid?

Yourbestie,
Amy
PS—Well,wewon’tuseGoogleanymore!I’mswitchingtoBingatthisverymoment!

Subject:Re:Re:AppleJustTurnedMeDown...

IcalledBradonmylunchbreak.HesaidhehadnothingbuthighpraisesformewhenAppleand

Googlecalled.ThenhesaidMichaelwasthelastpersonwhospokewithallthecompanies.

Ican’tbelievehewouldtrytosabotagemebehindmyback...
Especiallynowthatwe’resleepingtogether.:(
Yourbestie,
Mya

THEASSISTANT

Mya

Manhattan,NewYork

IrockedmyhipsagainstMichael’sfaceonemorning,moaningasheslidhistongueagainstmyclit
againandagain.Hishandsweregrippingmythighs,steadyingmeasIbegantoshake.

“Ohgoddddd,ohgodddd...”Icriedout,holdingontothewallbehindhimasIcameonhislips.
Shuttingmyeyes,Ifeltmylegsgoslack,felthimmovingmeontohislap.WhenIfinallystopped

shaking,hepickedmeupandcarriedmeovertohisofficesofa.Ifelthimwipingbetweenmylegs
withawarmcloth,andthenhesteppedawayintohisprivatebathroom.

Hereturnedsecondslaterandsatnexttome,runninghisfingersthroughmyhair.
“Ihopeyouenjoyedthat,”Isaidsoftly,pushinghishandaway.“I’mprettysurethat’sthelasttime

I’llletyoufuckme.”

“Excuseme?”
“WereyousabotagingmycareerbehindmybackinhopesthatI’deventuallysignyourextension

contract?Didyouhonestlythinkyoucouldsomehowusethefactthatwe’vehadsex,orthefactthatI
likeyou,topreventmefromgoingtoanothercompany?”

Heraisedhiseyebrow,havingtheaudacitytolookconfused.
“Applecalledmeyesterdayandsaidtheymovedonwithanothercandidatebecausemyboss,i.e.

you,wasn’tabletogivemeastellarenoughrecommendationfortheircompany.”Istoodup,
preventinghimfrompullingmeclose.“Googlesaidtheverysamething.Andjustthismorning,I
receivedtwovoicemailsfromAmazonandMicrosoft,threefromothercompanies,andI’msure
whenIgodownstairstolistentothem,they’lltellmethesamething.”

“Mya...”
“No.”Ishookmyhead.“I’msorryIeverthoughtthattherewasevenaslightchancethatthetwo

ofuscouldworkoutwhenIleftyourcompany,andI’msorryIeverthoughtyouwereanythingmore
thanapompous,selfish,assholebecauseyouclearlystillare.”

“Sexyashellornot?”
“Yes.Sexyashellor—”Istoppedmyself.“That’snotthepointofwhatI’mtryingtosay.Iputin

mynoticewithHumanResourcesbeforeIcameuphere,soIhighlysuggestyouacceptit,andI
highlysuggestyougivemeonehellofa‘goodbye’packagebecauseyouwillnotbeseeingme
again.”

“Areyoufinishedtalkingyet?”
“Yes.”Irushedtowardthedoor,buthecaughtmefrombehindandspunmearound.
“Iwouldneversabotageyou,Mya.”Hewipedawayoneofmystraytearswithhisfingertips.“Of

course,deepdownIdidwantyoutostay,butIhadnothingbutnicethingstosayaboutyou.Ieven
saidthey’dbefoolishnottohireyou,but—”

“But?”Iglaredathim.“Butwhat?”
“Butiftheythoughtthelow-asssalariestheywereofferingweregoodenoughforyou,they

neededtoincreasethemexponentiallyormovealongtosomeoneelse.Ithoughtyoudeservedmore.”

“Isthatall?”
“No,”hesaid,lookingintomyeyes.“IalsoneededtopersonallyintervieweachoftheCEOs

myself.Neededtomakesureeachonewasagoodfitforyou,andthatwhoeveryouworkedfornext
wasalreadymarried.”

Iopenedmymouthtoaskhimifhewasbeingserious,buthebeatmetoit.
“Yes,”hesaid,smirking.“Yes,I‘seriously’didneedtodothat.”
“WhatdoestheCEObeingmarriedhavetodowithanything,Michael?WhatifIhavenointerest

inseeingyouafterIquit?”

“Youdo,sowe’renotevengoingtoentertainthatlineofconversation.”Herolledhiseyes.“Ifthe

CEOisalreadymarried,Iwon’thavetoworryabout‘this’happeningatyournextplaceof
employment,andIcanbesomewhatlessjealous.”

“Howselfishofyou.”Icouldn’tbelievehim,butforsomereasonIcouldn’thelpthesmilethat

wasformingonmyface.

“I’mprettysurewhenyoulistentoAmazon,Microsoft,andtheothercompanies’voicemails,that

they’llbeofferingyouonehellofadeal.”Hecuppedmyfaceinhishands.“Atleast,that’swhatthey
alltoldmeyesterday.”

“Thisstilldoesn’texcuseyoufrominterferingwithmyjobsearchandinsistingthatyoubemy

referenceoverBrad.”

“I’mprettysureitdoes.”Hekissedme.“Andnowthatthere’snochanceinhellofyousigningmy

long-termextensioncontract,andyou’vehopefullyrealizedthatI’mnotsabotagingyou,howabout
datingmelong-terminstead?”

“I’llhavetothinkaboutit.”Ikissedhimback.“Itdependsonwhatyou’reoffering...”

THEEMAILS

(Well,“TheEnd”)

Mya

Oneyearlater...

Subject:MyBoss.

HaveItoldyouthatIlovemybosstoday?
Onehundredpercentbrilliantandsuperkindtoeveryone,shedoesn’tmakemegetherdry

cleaning,gethercoffee,ordoanythingthatmyformerbosses(Yes,plural)usedtodo...

IhavetwomeetingsthismorningandIcanhonestlysayI’mlookingforwardtothembecause

theybothinvolvethingsIreallyenjoy.

I’mprettysureIcangetusedtothis.
Yourgirlfriend,
Mya

Subject:Re:MyBoss.

No,youhaven’ttoldmethatyouloveyourbosstoday,butseeingasthoughyou’retechnically

yourownboss,Ihopethiswillalwaysbethecase.

YourbossatMicrosoftwasfarworsethanIeverwas.(I’mactuallyproudofyouforquittingthat

placeafterthreemonths.)

Ifoneofthemeetingsyou’rereferringtoistheoneinmyofficewherewe’llbefucking,goodto

knowyouenjoyit.

I’mnotsureifI’llevergetusedtothis.
(Whendoyouplanonchangingyourclosingsignature?)
MichaelLeighton,
CEO,LeightonPublishing

Subject:Re:Re:MyBoss.

Now.
Seeyouinfiveminutes.
MyaLondon,
CEO,LondonPublishing

ALettertotheReader

DearIncredibleReader,

Thankyousomuchfortakingtimeoutofyourlifetoreadthisbook!Ihopeyouwerethoroughly

entertainedandenjoyedreadingitasmuchasIenjoyedwritingit.

IfyouLOVEDitandhaveanyextratime,PLEASEleaveareviewonamazon.com,B&N.com,

goodreads.com,OR

findmehereonFacebook

soIcanpersonallythankyou:-)Ifyouhatedit,

well...keepthatshittoyourself!LOL(Justkidding.FeelfreetoletmeknowhowIcanimprovenext
time!)

I’mforevergratefulforyouandyourtime,andIhopetobere-invitedtoyourbookshelfwithmy

nextrelease.(Speakingofmynextrelease,ifyou’dliketobeapartofmymailinglistsoyoucanbe
notifiedofmyupcomingreleasedatesandspecialoffers,pleasesignupviathis

link.

)

Love,
WhitneyG.

ASneakPeekofReasonableDoubt

ByWhitneyG.

Prologue

Andrew

NewYorkCityisnothingmorethanashit-filledwasteland,adumpwherefailuresareforcedto

dropalltheirbrokendreamsandleavethemfarbehind.Theflashinglightsthatshinedbrightlyyears
agohavelosttheirluster,andthatfreshfeelingthatoncepermeatedtheair—thathopefulness,islong
gone.

EverypersonIonceconsideredafriendisnowanenemy,andtheword“trust”hasbeenripped

frommyvocabulary.Mynameandreputationaretarnished,thankstothepress,andafterreadingthe
headlinethatTheNewYorkTimesranthismorning,I’vedecidedthattonightwillbethelastnightI
everspendhere.

Ican’tdealwiththecoldsweatsandnightmaresthatjerkmeoutofmysleepanymore,andashard

asItrytopretendlikemyhearthasn’tbeenobliterated,Idoubtthattheagonizingacheinmychest
willevergoaway.

Toproperlysaygoodbye,I’veorderedthebestentréesfromallmyfavoriterestaurants,watched

DeathofaSalesmanonBroadway,andsmokedaCubancigarontheBrooklynBridge.I’vealso
bookedthepenthousesuiteattheWaldorfAstoria,whereI’mnowleaningbackonthebedand
threadingmyfingersthroughawoman’shair—groaningassheslideshermouthovermycock.

Teasinglydartinghertonguearoundmytip,shewhispers,“Doyoulikethis?”asshelooksupat

me.

Idon’tanswer.Ipushherheaddownandexhaleasshepressesherlipsagainstmyballs,asshe

coversmycockwithherhandsandmovesthemupanddown.

Overthepasttwohours,I’vefuckedheragainstthewall,forcedhertobendoverachair,and

pinnedherlegstothemattresswhileIdevouredherpussy.

It’sbeenquitefulfilling—fun,butIknowthisfeelingwillonlylastforsolong;itneverstays.In

lessthanaweek,I’llhavetofindsomeoneelse.

Asshetakesmedeeperanddeeperintohermouth,Itightlytugherhair—tensingasshebobsher

headupanddown.Pleasurebeginstocourseitswaythroughme,andthemusclesinmylegsstiffen—
forcingmetoletgoandwarnhertopullaway.

Sheignoresme.
Shegripsmykneesandsucksfaster,lettingmycocktouchthebackofherthroat.Igiveherone

lastchancetomoveaway,butsinceherlipsremainwrappedaroundme,sheleavesmenochoicebut
tocuminhermouth.

Andthensheswallows.
Every.Last.Drop.
Impressive...
Finallypullingaway,shelicksherlipsandleansbackagainstthefloor.
“Thatwasmyfirsttimeswallowing,”shesays.“Ididthatjustforyou.”
“Youshouldn’thave.”Istandandzipmypants.“Youshould’vesaveditforsomeoneelse.”

“Right.Well,um...Doyouwanttoordersomedinner?MaybewecouldeatitoverHBOandgoat

itagainafterwards?”

Iraisemyeyebrow,confused.
Thisisalwaysthemostannoyingpart,thepartwhenthewomanwhopreviouslyagreedto“One

dinner.Onenight.Norepeats.”wantstoestablishsometypeofimaginaryconnection.Forwhatever
reason,shefeelslikethereneedstobesometypeofclosureconversation,someblandreassurance
that’llconfirmthatwhatjusthappenedwas‘morethansex,’andwe’llbecomefriends.

Butitwasjustsex,andI’mnotinneedofanyfriends.Notnow,notever.
“No,thankyou.”Iwalkovertothemirrorontheothersideoftheroom.“Ihavesomeplaceto

be.”

“Atthreeinthemorning?Imean,ifyoujustwanttoskiptheHBOandgoforanotherround

instead,Ican...”

Herirritatingvoicefadesintomythoughts,andIbegintobuttonmyshirt.I’veneverspentthe

nightwithawomanImetonline,andsheisn’tgoingtobethefirst.

AsIadjustmytie,Ilookdownandspotatatteredpinkwalletonthedresser.Pickingitup,Iflipit

openandrunmyfingersacrossthenamethat’sprintedontoherlicense:SarahTate.

EventhoughI’veonlyknownthiswomanforaweek,she’salwaysansweredto“Samantha.”She’s

alsotoldme—repeatedly,thatsheworksasanurseatGraceHospital.JudgingbytheWal-Mart
employeecardthat’shidingbehindherlicense,I’massumingthatpartisn’ttrueeither.

Ilookovermyshoulder,whereshe’snowsprawledacrossthebed’ssilksheets.Hercreamy

coloredskinisunmarredandsmooth;herbowshapedlipsareslightlyswollenandpuffy.

Hergreeneyesmeetmineandsheslowlysitsup,spreadingherlegsfurtherapart,whispering,

“Youknowyouwanttostay.Stay...”

Mycockstartstoharden—it’sdefinitelyupforanotherround,butseeingherrealnamehas

ruinedanychanceofthatforme.Ican’tstandtobearoundsomeonewho’sliedtome,evenifshe
doeshavedoubleDtitsandamouthfromheaven.

Itossthewalletintoherlap.“YoutoldmeyournamewasSamantha.”
“Okay.And?”
“YournameisSarah.”
“Sowhat?”Sheshrugs,beckoningmewithherhand.“InevergivemyrealnametomenImeeton

theinternet.”

“Youjustfucktheminfivestarhotelsuites?”
“Whydoyousuddenlycareaboutmyrealname?”
“Idon’t.”Iglanceatmywatch.“AreyouspendingthenightinthisroomordoIneedtogiveyou

cabmoneytogethome?”

“What?”
“Wasmyquestionunclear?”
“Wow...Just,wow...”Sheshakesherhead.“Howmuchlongerdoyouthinkyou’llbeabletokeep

doingthis?”

“Keepdoingwhat?”
“Chattingsomeoneupforaweek,fuckingher,andmovingontothenext.Howmuchlonger?”
“Untilmydickstopsworking.”Iputonmyjacket.“Doyouneedcabfareorareyoustaying?

Checkoutisatnoon.”

“Doyouknowthatmenlikeyou—relationshipavoiders,arethetypethattypicallyfallthe

hardest?”

“DidtheyteachyouthatatWal-Mart?”

“Justbecausesomeonefromyourpasthurtyou,doesn’tmeanthateverywomanafterherwill.”

Shepursesherlips.“That’sprobablywhyyouarethewayyouare.Maybeifyoutriedtoactuallydate
someone,you’dbealothappier.Youshouldtakeheroutfordinnerandactuallylisten,seehertoher
doorwithoutexpectinganinvitationinside,andmaybebypassthewhole‘let’sgofuck’inthehotel
suitethingattheend.”

Wherearemykeys?Ineedtogo.Now.
“Icanseeitnow...”Shecan’tseemtoshutup.“You’regoingtowantmorethansexoneday,and

thepersonyouwantitfromisgoingtobesomeoneyouleastexpect.Someonewhowillforceyouto
givein.”

Ipullmykeysfromunderneathhercrumpleddressandsigh.“Doyouneedcabmoney?”
“Ihavemyowncar,dick-face.”Sherollshereyes.“Areyoureallythisincapableofhavinga

regularconversation?Woulditkillyoutotalktomeforafewminutesaftersex?”

“Wehavenothingmoretodiscuss.”Isetmyroomkeyonthenightstandandwalktowardthe

door.“Itwasverynicemeetingyou,Samantha,Sarah.Whateverthehellyournameis.Haveagreat
night.”

“Screwyou!”
“Threetimeswasmorethanenough.No,thankyou.”
“Thingsaregoingtocatchuptoyouoneday,asshole!”SheyellsasIstepintothehallway.

“Karmaisonehellofabitch!”

“Iknow.”Itossback.“Ifuckedhertwoweeksago...”

Contract(n.):

Anagreementbetweentwopeoplethatcreatesanobligationtodoornotdoaparticularaction.

Andrew

Sixyearslater...

Durham,NorthCarolina

Thewomanwhowascurrentlysittingacrossfrommewasafuckingliar.

Dressedinanuglyassgreysweaterandaredplaidskirt,herhairlookedasifit’dbeendyedwith

aboxofcrayons.Shelookednothinglikethewomaninthepictureonline,nothinglikethesmiling
blondewithC-cupbreasts,butterflytattoos,andplump,pinklips.

BeforeI’dagreedtothisdate,I’dspecificallyaskedforthreeseparateproofoftruthpictures:one

ofherholdinganewspaperwiththemostrecentdateonit,oneofherbitingherlip,andoneofher
holdingupasignwithhernameonit.WhenIrequestedthesethings,she’dlaughedandsaidthatIwas
“themostparanoidpersonever,”butshe’ddonethem.OrsoIthought.Withtheexceptionoftelling
hermyrealname—Istoppedgivingoutmyrealnameyearsago,I’dbeencompletelyhonestandI
expectedthatinreturn.

“Well,nowthatwe’realone...”Shesuddenlysmiled,revealingamouthfullofmetalandrubber

bands.“It’snicetofinallymeetyouinperson,Thoreau.Howareyoutoday?”

Ididn’thavetimeforthis.“Who’sthegirlinyourprofilepicture?”Iasked.
“What?”
“Whoisthegirlinyourprofilepicture?”
“Oh...Well,thatisn’tme.”
“Noshititisn’tyou.”Irolledmyeyes.“Didyouhireamodel?Buyabunchofstockimagesand

usePhotoshop?”

“Notexactly.”Sheloweredhervoice.“Ijustthoughtyou’dbemorelikelytotalktomeifIused

thatphotoinsteadofmyown.”

Ilookedheroveragain,nownoticingthestrangeunicorntattooacrossherknucklesandthe

“Loveisblind”quotethatwasinkedontoherwrist.

“Whatwereyouexpectingtohappenwhenweactuallymet?”Thisshitwasbogglingmymind.

“Didyouthinkaboutwhatwouldhappenwhenthatdaycame?WhenIrealizedthatyouweren’twho
yousaidyouwere?”

“Iwaskindofexpectingforyoutohaveliedaboutyourpicturetoo,”shesaid.“Ididn’tknowthat

youwouldreallylooklikeyou,youknow?ThisisthefirsttimeaguyonDate-Matchhastoldthe
truth.Ithinkit’sasign.”

“It’snot.”Ishookmyhead.“Andthemodel?Howdidyougetsomeonetotakeallthosepictures?”

“Itwasn’tamodel.Itwasmyroommate.”HereyeswidenedasIstoodup.“Waitasecond!Allthe

thingsIsaidtoyouonthephonewereabsolutelytrue.Iaminterestedinpolitics,andIdolove
studyingthelawandkeepingupwithhighprofilecases.”

“Whatlawschooldidyougoto?”
“Lawschool?”Sheraisedhereyebrow.“No,notlawschooltypeoflaw.Lawlike,I’vewatched

everyepisodeofSVUandI’vereadallofJohnGrisham’sbooks.”

Isighedandpulledafewbillsoutofmywallet,puttingthemonthetable.I’dwastedenoughtime

withher.

“Goodbye,Charlotte.”Iwalkedaway,ignoringtherestofherapology.
Themomentthevaletpulledmycararound,Islippedinsideandspedoff.
Thisshitisgettingridiculous...
Thiswasthesixthtimethishadhappenedtomethismonth,andIdidn’tunderstandwhysomeone

wouldwillinglyliewithapotentialfacetofacemeetingontheline.Itdidn’tmakeanyfuckingsense.

Annoyed,Ipickedupabottleofscotchfromthestoreacrossthestreet,andmadeamentalnoteto

blockthislatestliarfrommypage.IwasstartingtofeellikeI’drunoutofavailablewomentosleep
withinDurham.IwasalsostartingtofeellikeIneededtoswitchcitiesandstartalloveragain;the
coldsweatsfromyearsagohadreturned,andIknewthenightmareswerecomingnext.

AssoonasIsteppedintomycondo,Ipouredmyselfthreeshotsandtossedthemback.ThenI

pouredthreemore.

Iscrolledthroughmyphoneandcheckedmyemailsfortheday—clientreferrals,morerequests

tochatfromDate-Match,andamessagefromthesexyblondeIwassupposedtomeetthisSaturday.

Thesubject-lineread,“HonestyisKey,right?”
Itossedbackanothershotbeforeopeningit,hopingitwasaninvitationtomeettonightinstead.
Itwasn’t.Itwasagoddamnessay.
“Hey,Thoreau.Iknowwe’resupposedtomeeteachotherthisSaturdayandtrustme,Iwassooo

lookingforwardtoit,butIneedtoknowthatyou’reinterestedinmeformeandnotmylooks.I’vemet
alotofcreepyguysonherebecausetheyjustlikemypicture,andwhenwemeet,theyjustwanttohave
sex.IcanassureyouthatIamwhoIsayIam,butI’mlookingforsomethingalittlemorefulfilling
thancasualsex.Wedon’thavetohaveafullblownrelationship,orengageinanintenseaffair,butwe
couldatleastbuildafriendshipfirst,youknow?I’mlookingforwardtoseeingyou,soletmeknowif
you’restillinterestedinmeetingme—Liz.”

Iimmediatelyclickedonmyprofileandopenedthe“WhatI’mLookingFor”box,makingsure

thatitstillreadthesame:“Casualsex.Nothingmore.NothingLess.”

Thatlinewasn’ttherefordecoration,anditwasinboldprintforareason.
Ireturnedtothewoman’smessageandresponded.“Iamnolongerinterestedinmeetingyou.Best

ofluckfindingwhateveryou’relookingfor–Thoreau.”

“Areyouforreal?”Sherepliedinstantly.“Youcan’tuseanotherfriend?Wecan’tbe‘just

friends’?—Liz.”

“Hellno—Thoreau.”Isignedoffandblockedheraddress.
Anothershotmadeitswaydownmythroat,andIscrolledthroughtheremainingemails—

immediatelyopeningtheonethatcamefromtheonlypersonIconsideredafriendinthiscity.Alyssa.

Subject:DesertDick

So,I’memailingyourightnowbecauseIjustthoughtabouthowmuchpainyou’rein

currently...Wehaven’ttalkedaboutyougettinglaidinquiteawhile,andthatconcernsme.
Greatly.Like,I’veCRIEDaboutyourlackofpussy...I’mverysorrythatsomanywomenhave

sentyoufraudulentpicturesandgivenyouaseverecaseofblueballs.I’mattachingthelinkstoa
topofthelinelotionthatIthinkyoushouldinvestinfortheweekstocome.

Yourdickisinmyprayers,
—Alyssa.

Ismiledandtypedaresponse.

Subject:Re:DesertDick

Thankyouforyourconcernsaboutmydick.Although,seeingasthoughyou’veNEVER

discussedgettinglaid,IthinkhavingCobwebPussyisafarmoreseriousillness.Yes,itistrue
thatsomanywomenhavesentmepictures,butit’squitesadthatyou’veneversentmeyours,
isn’tit?I’mmorethanwillingtosendyoumine,andeventuallyhelpyoucureyoursadand
unfortunatedisease.

Thankyoufortellingmethatmydickisinyourprayers.
I’dpreferifitwasinyourmouth.
—Thoreau.

Justlikethat,mynightwasnowtentimesbetter.EventhoughI’dnevermetAlyssainpersonandour
conversationswererestrictedtophonecalls,emails,andtextmessages,Ifeltastrongconnectionto
her.

We’dmetthroughananonymousandexclusivesocialnetwork—LawyerChat.Therewereno

profilepictures,nonewsfeedactivity,onlymessageboards.Therewasasmallprofileboxwhere
informationcouldbeplaced(firstnameonly,age,numberofyearspracticed,highorlowprofile
status),andalogooneachuser ’sprofilethatrevealedhisorhersex.

Everyuserwas“guaranteed”tobealawyerwho’dbeenpersonallyinvitedviaemail.According

tothesite’sdevelopers,they’d“cross-referencedeverypracticinglawyerinthestateofNorth
Carolinaagainsttheboard’slicensingrecordstoensureauniqueandoneofakindsupportsystem.”

Ihonestlythoughtthenetworkwasbullshit,andifitweren’tforthefactthatI’dfuckedafewof

thewomenI’dmetonthere,Iwould’vecancelledmyaccountafterthefirstmonth.

Nonetheless,whenIsawanew“NeedSomeAdvice”messagefroman“Alyssa,”Icouldn’tresist

tryingtoreplicatemypreviousresults.Ireadthroughherprofilefirst—twentyseven,oneyearoutof
lawschool,booklover—anddecidedtogoforit.

Myintentwastoanswerherlegalquestions,slowlysteertheconversationtomorepersonal

things,andthenaskhertojoinDate-MatchsoIcouldseewhatshelookedlike.Butshewasn’tlikethe
otherwomen.

Shesentmeconstantmessages,andshealwayskeptthetopicofconversationprofessional.Since

shewassuchayoungandinexperiencedlawyer,sheaskedforadviceonthesimplesttopics:legal
briefediting,claimfiling,andexhibitionofevidence.Afterwe’dchattedfivetimesandI’dgrown
tiredofhavingthreehourlonginfo-dumpsessions,Iaskedforherphonenumber.

Shesaidno.
“Whynot?”I’dtyped.
“Becauseit’sagainsttherules.”
“I’venevermetalawyerthathasn’tbrokenatleastone.”

“Thenyou’renotaverygoodlawyer.I’llfindsomeoneelsetochatwithnow.Thanks.”
“You’regoingtolosethatcasetomorrow.”Itypedbeforeshecouldendoursession.“Youhave

noideawhatyou’redoing.”

“Areyoureallythatupsetaboutmenotgivingyoumyphonenumber?Whatareyou,twelve?”
“Thirtytwo,andIdon’tgiveafuckaboutyourphonenumber.IwasonlyaskingforitsoIcould

callandtellyouthatthebriefyousentmeislitteredwithtypos,andtheclosingargumentreadslikea
firstyearlawstudentwroteit.Therearetoomanymistakesformetosithereandtypethemall.”

“Mybriefisn’tthatbad.”
“It’snotthatgoodeither.”BeforeIcouldsignoutofourchat,herphonenumberappearedonthe

screen,andunderneathitwasashortparagraph:“Ifyou’regoingtocallandhelpme,fine.Ifyou’re
usingmynumbertotalkmeintojoiningadatingsitelater,thenforgetit.Ijoinedthisnetworkfor
careersupport,that’sit.”

Istaredathermessagelongandhard—debatingwhetherIshouldhelpherwithnochanceof

gettinganythingoutofit,butsomethingmademecallheranyway.Iwalkedherthroughevery
mistakeshe’dmade,insistedthatsheclearupafewsentences,andevenre-formattedherbrief.

JustwhenIwasabouttotellhergoodbyeandhangup,thestrangestthinghappened.Sheasked,

“Howwasyourdaytoday?”

“That’snotinyourbrief.”Isaid.“Youonlywanttotalkaboutlawyershit,remember?”
“Ican’tchangemymind?”
“No.Hangup.”Iwaitedtohearabeep,buttheonlythingIheardwaslaughter.Ifitwasn’tforthe

factthatitwassucharaspyandsexysound,Iwould’vehungupmyself,butIcouldn’tputthephone
down.

“I’msorry,”shesaid,stilllaughing.“Ididn’tmeantooffendyou.”
“Youdidn’t.Hangup.”
“Idon’twantto.”Shefinallystoppedlaughing.“IapologizeforthathostilemessageIsent

you...You’reactuallytheonlyguyI’vemetonherewhoanswersallmyquestions.Areyoubusyright
now?Canyoutalk?”

“Aboutwhat?”
“Aboutyourself,yourlife...I’vebeenaskingyouboringlegalquestionseveryday,andyou’ve

beenverypatientso...It’sonlyfairthatwetalkaboutsomethinglessboringforonceifwe’regoingto
befriends,right?”

Friends?
Iwashesitanttorespond—especiallysinceitdidn’tseemlikethe‘lessboring’topicswould

involvesex,andshe’dsaidtheword“friends”soeasily.Yet,Iwasinthemiddleofanothersex-less
nightalready,soIbegantohavearegularconversationwithher.Untilfiveinthemorning,sheandI
discussedthemostmundanethings—ourdailylives,favoritebooks,herdreamofbecomingalate,
professionalballerina.

Afewdayslater,wespokeagain,andafteramonth,Iwastalkingtohereveryotherday.
Tossingbackanothershot,Ipressedthecallbuttononmyphoneandwaitedtohearhersoftvoice.
Noanswer.Iconsideredsendingheratext,butthenIrealizeditwasnineo’clockonaWednesday

andwewouldn’tbeabletotalkatalltonight.

Practice...Wednesdaynightsarealwaysballetpractice...

***

“Mr.Hamilton?”Mysecretarysteppedintomyofficethenextmorning.

“Yes,Jessica?”

“Mr.GreenwoodandMr.Bachwouldliketoknowifyouwanttoparticipateinthenextroundof

interninterviewstoday.”

“Idon’t.”
“Okay...”Shelookeddownandscribbledsomethingontohernotepad.“Didyouatleastlookover

theresumesthen?Theyhavetonarrowitdowntofifteentoday.”

Isighedandpulledoutthestackofresumesshe’dgivenmelastweek.I’dreadthroughthemall

andwrittennotes,mostly—“Pass”“DoublePass”and“Idon’tfeellikereadingthis.”Allthe
remainingapplicantswerefromDukeUniversity,andtomyknowledge,weweretheonlyfirminthe
citywhoacceptedpre-lawandlawschoolapplicantsforpaidinternships.

“Iwasn’timpressedwithanyoftheapplicants.”Islidthepapersacrossmydesk.“Wasthatthe

entireselectionpool?”

“No,sir.”Shewalkedoverandplacedanevenlargerstackinfrontofme.“Thisistheentire

selectionpool.Doyouneedmetodoanythingelseforyouthismorning?”

“Besidesgettingmycoffee?”Ipointedtotheemptymugattheedgeofmydesk.IhatedthatI

alwayshadtoremindhertobringit;Icouldn’tfunctioninthemorningwithoutafreshcup.

“I’msosorry.I’llgetthatrightaway.”
Iturnedonmycomputerandscrolledthroughmyemails,sortingthemallbyimportance.Of

course,Alyssa’slatestemailwaspushedstraighttothetop.

Subject:GetOverYourself.

Thankyouforthechildishpicturetextofthewhitedustthatwasoutsideyourcondothis

morning.Ireallyappreciatedit,butIcanassureyouthatthatisNOTwhattheinsideofmy
vaginalookslikerightnow.

Notthatit’sanyofyourbusiness,butIdon’tneedtogetlaideveryotherdaytosatisfymy

needs.TheyareWELLtakencareofwithaVARIETYoftools.

—Alyssa

Subject:Re:GetOverYourself.

Isentyoutwopictures.Oneofthewhitedustandoneofadrieduplakewithdyinganimals.

Wasthesecondpicturemoreaccurate?

Theonlytoolyourpussyneedsismytongue.It’sherewheneveryouwantit,anditworksin

a“VARIETY”ofways.

—Thoreau

“Hereyouare,Mr.Hamilton.”Jessicasuddenlysetmycoffeeonthedesk.“CanIaskyou
something?”

“No,youmaynot.”
“Ithoughtso,”shesaid,loweringhervoiceandlookingintomyeyes.“Iknowthisisabit

unprofessional,butIneedadateforthegalanextmonth.

“Thenfindadateforthegalanextmonth.”
“Thatwasmywayofaskingyoutobemydate...”
Iblinked.Ineededtofindawaytowordthis“Hellno”verycarefully.

Jessicawasfreshoutofcollege—waytoodamnyoungforme,workingherebecauseher

grandfatherstartedthisfirm,andlookingformuchmorethanI’deverbewillingtogive.I’d
overheardherseveraltimesonherlunchbreaks,talkingabouthowshewantedtobemarriedbefore
sheturnedtwentyfive.Shealsoapparentlywantedtobeastay-at-homemomwithsixkids,andlivein
ahouseinthesuburbs.

Inotherwords,shewascompletelyoutofherfuckingmind.
“So,whatdoyousay?”Shesmiled.
Itriednottorollmyeyes.“Jessica...”
“Yes?”Hereyeswerefullofhope.
“Look,sweetheart.Notonlywoulditbehighlyinappropriateforthetwoofustoeverengagein

anytypeofrelationshipoutsideofthisoffice,butI’mnotthemanyou’relookingfor.Atall.Trust
me.”

“Notevenforonenight?”
“Thewords‘onenight’inmybookholdcertainexpectationsthatyoucouldn’tpossiblymeet.So,

no.Godosomework.”

“Is‘onenight’acodeforsex?”
“Whyareyoustillinmyoffice?”
“Iwouldn’ttellanyoneifwehadsex,”shewhispered.“I’veactuallyfantasizedaboutitsincewe

firstmet.And,sinceyouneverhaveanycallsonthebooksfromagirlfriend,I’massumingyou’re
available.”

“I’mnot.”
“Iwalkedinonyouwhileyouwereintherestroomonce...You’reatleastnineinchesIthink.”
Whatthefuck?!
Iwasfivesecondsawayfromrecordingthisconversationonmyphoneandemailingittoher

grandfather.

“I’mreallygoodatgivingblowjobs,”shesaid.“I’vebeendoingitsincehighschool.Alltheguys

I’veblownhavesaidmymouthisamazing.”Shebitherlip.

“Istheresuper-glueonmyfloor?Isthatwhyyou’restillstandingthere?”
“Ifyouweremydatetothegalaandweendeduphavingagoodtime,you’dbethefirstmanI’d

actuallywentallthewaywith.”Sheblurtedout,blushing.“I’mstillavirgin,downthere.”

“ThenI’mdefinitelynotthemanforyou.”Irolledmyeyes.“Now,leavebeforeIcallMr.

Greenwoodandtellhimthathispreciousgranddaughterisofferingtosuckmydickovermorning
coffee.”

Shocked,hercheekstingedredandshequicklywalkedtothedoor.Thenshelookedoverher

shoulderandwinkedatme—fuckingwinkedatme,beforesteppingout.

Iimmediatelytypedanoteintomyplanner:Findanewsecretary—anolder,marriedone...
BeforeIcouldfinishorganizingmyinbox,mycellphonerang.Alyssa.
“I’mbusy,”Ianswered.
“Thenwhydidyoupickupthephone?”
“Becausethesoundofmyvoicemakesyouwet.”
“Funny.”Shelaughed.“How’syourmorning?”
“Typical.Mysecretaryjustcameontomeforthethirdtimethismonth.”
“Shesentyouanother‘Youandmebelongtogether ’notewithchocolates?”
“No,sheofferedtosuckmydick.”
“What?”Shegasped.”You’rekidding!”
“Unfortunatelynot.Afterthat,shetoldmeshewaswillingtogivemehervirginity.Needlessto

say,I’llbepostingareplacementadprettysoon.Anyonefromyourofficewanttoworkforabetter

firm?I’lldoublethesalary.”

“Howdoyouknowthatmyfirmisn’tbetterthanyours?”
“Becauseyoucallandaskmeforadviceoncasesallthetime—sillycasesatthat.Ifyourfirmwas

better,you’dneverhavetoask.”

“Whatever.”Shegroaned.“Haveyoubuckedofftheonlinedatingwagonyet?”
“Bucked?Wagon?”IcouldneverunderstandherlittleSouthernmetaphors.“Whatthehelldoes

thatmean?”

“Ugh,god...”Shesighed.“Itmeansyoudidn’tupdatemeaboutyourdatelastnightsoIguessit

wasabust,whichmeansyouhaven’tsleptwithanyoneinoveramonth.Thathastobearecordfor
you.”

“Itis.”
“Doyouwantsomeadvice?”
“Notunlessyouwanttocometomyofficeandtellmeinperson.”Ismiled.
“No,thanks.Speakingofadvice,I’llneedyourhelpFridaynight.”
“Withwhat?”
“Ijustlandedaprettybigcase.Ihaven’tgonethroughallthedocumentsyet,butIalreadyknow

I’minovermyhead.”

Ileanedbackinmychair.“Ifit’sthatbigofacase,youcouldbringthedocumentstomycondo

tonight.I’dbehappytohelpyousortthroughthem.Categorizationhasalwaysbeenmyspecialty.”

“Ha!Nicetry,butIdon’tthinkso.”Shecontinuedtotalkabouthercase,butIwasonlyhalfway

listening.Itstillstruckmeasoddthatshedidn’twanttomeetmeinperson,thatsheshutdownthe
verythoughtanytimeIbroughtitup.

“Also...”Shewasstillrambling.“I’llprobablyhavetodosomeresearchonthosechanges.I’m

notsureif—”

“TellmetherealreasonwhyIcan’tmeetyouinperson.”Icutheroff.
“What?”
“We’veknowneachotherforsixmonthsnow.Whydon’tyouwanttomeet?”
Silence.
“DoIneedtorepeatthequestion?”Istoodupandwalkedovertomydoor,lockingit.“Didyou

notunderstandme?”

“It’sagainsttheLawyerChatrules...”
“FuckLawyerChat.”Irolledmyeyes.“It’sagainsttherulesforyouandmetohaveeachother ’s

phonenumbersinthefirstplace,forustoactlikefuckingteenagersandmakeeachothercumover
thephoneatnight,butyou’venevercomplainedaboutthat.”

“You’venevermademecum...”
“Don’tlietome.”
“Youhaven’t.”
“So,lastweekwhenIsaidthatIwantedyoutoridemymouthsoIcouldeatyourpussyuntilyou

cameallovermylips,youwerepretendingtobreathehard?”

Shesuckedinabreath.“No,but—”
“Ithoughtso.Whycan’twemeetinperson?”
“Becauseitwouldruinourfriendshipandyouknowit.”
“Idon’t.”
“You’vetoldmethatyouneversleepwiththesamewomantwice,thatafteryousleepwith

someoneyou’redonewithher.”

“I’veneverfuckedoneofmyfriendsbefore.”
“That’sbecauseI’myouronlyone.”

“I’maware,but—”Istopped.Ihadnodefenseforthat.
Silencelingeredovertheline,andItriedtothinkofanotherargument.
Shespokeupfirst.“Ihonestlydon’twanttoruinourfriendshipoveronesenselessfuck.”
“Iguaranteewe’llhavemorethanonesenselessfuck.”
Herlight,airylaughdriftedovertheline,andIsighed—attemptingtoenvisionwhatshelooked

like.Iwasn’tsurewhy,butoverthepastfewweeks,I’dbeenlongingtoexperienceherlaughterface
toface.

“Youknow,”shewenton,“forahighprofilelawyer,youhaveaprettydirtymouth.”
“You’dbesurprisedhowmuchfilthieritcanget.”
“FilthierthanwhatI’vealreadyexperienced?”
“Muchfilthier.”I’dbeentreadingthewaterssincewebeganthisfriendship—stillhopefulthat

we’dmeetinpersonsomeday,butnowthatweweren’t,therewasnopointinholdingback.“Iguess
I’lltalktoyoutonight.”

“Notunlessyoufindanotherdatebetweennowandthen.Iknowyou’llbesearching.”
“OfcourseI’llbesearching.”Iscoffed.“IsAlyssayourrealname?”
“Yes,butI’msureThoreauisn’tyours.Doyoucaretofinallygiveittome?”
“I’llgiveittoyouwhenyoucometoyourfuckingsensesandletmeseeyou.”
“Youjustwon’tletthatgo,willyou?”Shelaughedagain.“WhatiftherealreasonIdon’twantto

meetyouisbecauseI’mugly?”

“Ihaveagoodfeelingthatyou’renot.”
“ButifIwas?”
“I’dfuckyouwiththelightsoff.”
“Ipreferthelightson.”
“ThenI’dmakeyouwearapaperbagoveryourhead.”
“WHAT?!”Sheburstintogiggles.“You’reridiculous!Ugh,there’saclientatmydoorrightnow.I

havetogo.CanIcallyoulater?”

“Always.”Ihungup,smiling.Thenithitme.
Fuck...Shealwaysfindsawayoutofthatlineofquestioning...

Perjury(n.):

Thewillfulgivingoffalsetestimonyunderoath.

Alyssa(Well,myrealnameis“Aubrey”...)

“Liesalwayscatchuptopeopleintheend.Whydon’tpeopleunderstandthat?”That’swhat
Thoreau’stextmessagesaidthismorning.

“Youdon’tthinksomeliesarejustifiable?”Itextedback.
“No.Never.”
Ihesitated.“So,you’veneverliedtome?”
“WhywouldI?”
“Becausewebarelyknoweachother...”
“Onlybecauseyoukeepmeatadistance.”HesentmeanothertextbeforeIcouldrespond.

“WouldyouliketoknowmyrealnameandwhereIwork?”

“Ipreferouranonymousarrangement.”
“Ofcourseyoudo,andI’veneverliedtoyou.Itrustyouforsomestrangereason.”
“Somestrangereason?”
“Verystrange.I’lltalktoyoulater.”
Itossedmyphoneintomypurseandsighed,lettingthatfamiliarfeelingofguiltwashoverme.

I’dnevermeanttocontinuetalkingtohim,tobecomehisfriendoutsideofLawyerChat,butIwasin
toodeep,andIdidn’twanttolethimgo.

Monthsago,whenI’dspottedtheinvitationtotheexclusivenetworkonmymother ’sdesk,Iswore

toonlyuseitwhenIneededtoaskquestionsformypre-lawclasses.I’dusedheraccesscodetolog
in,builtafakeprofile,andmadesureallthequestionsIaskedwereweavedinawaythatnoone
wouldknowthattheywereforhomeworkassignments.

Unfortunatelyforme,thepre-lawprogramatDukewasunlikeanyotherprograminthecountry.

Itconsistedofmorehands-onclasses,one-on-onementoringfrompracticinglawyers,anditwas
mandatedthateachstudentfindaninternshipforthefinalfoursemesters.Inadditiontothat,they
expectedustoreadthroughandinterpretcasefileslikewewerealreadylawyers.

IfIhadknownthataskingThoreauforsomuchhomeworkadvicewouldleadtoanactual

friendship,Imighthavestoppedtalkingtohimsooner.Thenagain,justlikeIwashisonlyfriend,he
wasmyonlyfriend,too.

Hewasopenandhonesteverytimewespoke,andIonlywishedthatIcouldbethesame—

especiallysinceheseemedtohaveahabitofsaying,“Ihatefuckingliars”wheneveroneofhisdates
deceivedhim.

Damnit...
Smoothingthetullefabricofmytutu,Itookseveraldeepbreaths;Icouldthinkaboutmy

friendshipwithThoreaulater,rightnowIneededtofocus.

TodaywasauditiondayforaproductionofSwanLakeandIwasanervouswreck;I’dbarelyslept

thenightbefore,skippedbreakfast,andshoweduptothetheaterfivehoursearly.

“Pleaseclearthestage,ladiesandgentlemen!”Thedirectorshoutedfrombelow.“Theofficial

auditionswillbegininthirtyminutes!Pleaseclearthestageandmakeyourwaytothewings!”

Beforeheadingbackstage,Ilookedoutintotheaudience.Mostofthefaceswerefamiliar—my

classmates,instructors,afewdirectorsfromtheballetcompanyI’dworkedforlastsummer,butthe
facesIneededtoseeweren’tthere.

Theyneverwere.
Hurt,Ifoundacornerinthedressingroomandcalledmymother.
“Hello?”sheansweredonthefirstring.
“Whyaren’tyouhere?”
“Whyaren’tIwhere,Aubrey?Whatareyoutalkingaboutnow?”Sheletoutanexasperatedsigh.
“MyopenauditionforSwanLake.Youpromisedthatyouanddadwerecoming.”
“It’sAubrey,honey!”Sheyelledtomydadinthebackground.“Yourrecitalwastoday?”
“Ihaven’tbeeninarecitalsinceIwasthirteen.”Igrittedmyteeth.“Thisisanaudition,aonceina

lifetimeaudition,andyou’resupposedtobehere.”

“Iguessmysecretaryforgottotellmeaboutitthismorning,”shesaid.“Haveyoulandedany

internshipsforyourmajoryet?”

“Ihavetwomajors.”
“Pre-law,Aubrey.”
“No.”Isighed.
“Well,whynot?Doyouthinkoneisjustgoingtofallfromtheskyandlandinyourlap?Isthat

it?”

“IhadaninterviewyesterdayatBlaineandAssociates,”Isaid,feelingmyheartgrowheavierby

thesecond,“andIhaveanotheronenextweekatGreenwood,Bach,andHamilton.I’malsoaboutto
auditionfortheroleofalifetimeifyou’dliketopretendtogiveafuckforfiveseconds.”

“Excuseme,younglady?”
“You’renothere.”Thereweretearsinmyeyes.“You’renothere...Doyouknowhowhugethis

productionisgoingtobe?”

“Areyougettingpaid?IstheNewYorkBalletCompanyrunningit?”
“That’snotthepoint.I’vetoldyouoverandoverhowimportantthisauditionistome.Icalledand

remindedyoulastnight,anditwouldbereallyniceifmyparentsshowedupandbelievedinmefora
change.”

“Aubrey...”Shesighed.“Idobelieveinyou.Ialwayshave,butI’minthemiddleofahugehearing

rightnowandyouknowthatbecauseit’salloverthepapers.Youalsoknowthatbecominga
professionalballerinaisnotastablecareerchoice,andasmuchasIwouldlovetoleavemyhigh-
payingclienttowatchyoutiptoearoundonstage—”

“It’scalleddancingenpointe.”
“Samething,”shesaid.“Regardless,it’sjustanaudition.I’msureyourfatherandIwon’tbethe

onlyparentswhocouldn’tmakeittoday.Onceyougraduatefromcollegeandgetintolawschool,
you’llseeballetforwhatitreallyis—ahobby,andyou’llbegratefulthatwepushedyouintodouble
majoring.”

“Balletismydream,mother.”
“It’saphase,andyou’rewaypasttheprimeageforbecomingaprofessionallasttimeIchecked.

Rememberhowyousuddenlyupandquitatsixteen?You’llquitagain,andit’llbeforthebest.Asa
matteroffact—”

Ihungup.

Ididn’twanttolistentoanotheroneofherdream-killingspeeches,anditangeredmethatshe’d

calledballeta“phase”whenI’dbeendancingsinceIwassixyearsold.Whensheandmydadhad
pouredcountlessdollarsintoprivateclasses,costumes,andcompetitions.

TheonlyreasonwhyI’d“quit”atsixteenwasbecauseI’dbrokenmyfootandcouldn’taudition

foranyofthedanceschoolsanymore.AndtheonlyreasonIstartedtoshowthefaintestinterestinlaw
wasbecauseIcouldn’tdomuchoutsideofmyrehabsessionsexceptread.

Myhearthadalwaysbelongedinpointeslippers,andthatfactwouldneverchange.
“AubreyEverhart?”Amansuddenlycalledmynamefromthetheaterdoor.“Isthatyou?”
“Yes.”
“You’renexttotakethestage.Gotaboutfiveminutes.”
“Berightthere...”Istuffedmybagintoalocker.BeforeIcouldcloseit,myphonerang.
Knowingitwasmymothercallingtoofferahalf-assedapology,Itriedmybestnottoscream.

“Pleasesparemeyourapologies.”Iimmediatelypickedup.“Theydon’tmeananythingtome
anymore.”

“Iwascallingtotellyougoodluck,”adeepvoicesaid.
“Twominutes!”Astagehandglaredatmeandmotionedformetoheadontothestage.
“Thoreau?”Iturnedmybacktothestagehand.“Whatareyoutellingmegoodluckfor?”
“Youmentionedhavingsometypeofauditionweeksago.It’stoday,right?”
“Yes,thankyou...”
“Youdon’tsoundtooexcitedaboutyourdreamrightnow.”
“HowcanIbewhenmyownparentsdon’tbelieveinit?”
“You’retwentysevenyearsold.”Hescoffed.“Fuckyourparents.”
Ilaughed,guiltily.“Iwishitwasthatsimple...”
“Itreallyis.Youmakeyourownmoney,anddespitethefactthatyoudon’treallyknowshitabout

thelaw,youseemtobeaprettydecentlawyer.Fuckthem.”

“I’llkeepthatinmind,”Isaid,tryingtosteerthatsubjectaway.“I’mshockedyouremembered

thatmyauditionwastoday.”

“Ididn’t.”Hehungup,andIknewhewassmilingashedidthat.
“Fifteenseconds,MissEverhart!”Thestagehandgrabbedmyarmandpracticallypulledmeonto

thestage.

Ismiledatthejudgesandstoodinfifthposition—armsovermyhead,andwaitedforthefirstnote

ofTchaikovsky’scompositiontoplay.

Therewasarustlingofpapers,afewcoughsfromsomeoneintheaudience,andthenthemusic

began.

Iwassupposedtodemonstrateanarabesque,apirouette,andthenperformtheroutinethatI’d

beenrehearsinginclassforthepastmonthandahalf.Ididn’tfeellikeit,though,andsincethiswas
oneofmylastopportunitiestomakeanimpression,IdecidedtodancehowIwanted.

Ishutmyeyesandcompletedpirouetteafterpirouette,fouetteturnafterfouetteturn.Iwasn’teven

onbeatwiththemusic,andIcouldtellthepianistwasconfusedandtryingtokeepupwithme.

IdemonstratedeveryjumpIknew,perfectlylandingeachoneofthem,andwhenthepianistgave

upandstruckthelastnote,Ireturnedtofifthposition—smiling.

Therewasnoapplause,nocheers,nothing.Itriedtoreadthejudges’facestoseeiftheylooked

mildlyimpressed,buttheywerestoic.

“Thatwillbeall,MissEverhart,”oneofthemsaid.“WillMissLeightonReynoldspleasetakethe

stage?”

Imurmured“Thankyou”beforesteppingoffandrushingoutofthetheater.Ididn’tbother

watchingtherestoftheauditions.

Fortheremainderoftheafternoon,Iwalkedaroundcampusandtriednottocry.WhenIwassure

thatnotearswouldfall,IsentemailstoThoreau;thatwastheonlythingthatcouldpossiblymakeme
feelbetter.

Subject:Thinking...

“Onedinner.Onenight.Norepeats.”Doyoupickacheaporexpensiverestaurant?Doyou

payforthedinnerandthehotelroom?Ordoyoumakethewomansplititwithyou?

—Alyssa.

Subject:Re:Thinking...

Expensivedinner.Fivestarhotelsuite.Ipayforeverything.
WouldyoulikemetobookafewreservationsforussoIcanshowyou?
—Thoreau.

Subject:Re:Re:Thinking...

Ofcoursenot.Anda“few”reservations?Whathappenedtojustone?

Subject:Re:Re:Re:Thinking...

ItoldyouI’dmakeanexceptioninyourcase.Iinvestedinaboxofpaperbagstoday.
—Thoreau

Ilaughedandlookedatmywatch.Itwasfiveo’clockandIwassuretheresultsfortheproduction
hadbeenpostedhoursago,butIwastooscaredtolook.AllIwantedwasachancetobeamemberof
theswancorps,orevenanunderstudyforthelead.

WhydidIfuckupthatroutine?WhatthehellwasIthinking?
Afterdrivingmyselfcrazywithquestions,Iforcedmyselftomakethetrekbacktothedance

theatertolookatthefinalcastposting.WhenIarrived,therewasahugecrowdinfrontofthesign,
andIcouldheartheusual“I’min!I’min!”and“Howcouldtheynotpickme?”revelations.

Isqueezedmywaythrougheveryoneandsquintedatthesheet,lookingformynameontheminor

castsheetbutitwasn’tthere.

Itwasonthemajorcastsheet,andrightnexttotheleadroleofOdette/Odile,thewhiteandblack

swan,wasmyfullnameinbold.

Iburstintotears,jumpingupanddownindisbelief.Iwantedtocallmymomandtellherthegood

news,butmyheartsuddenlysankatthethought.

Iknewthatatthisverymoment,shewasprobablytellingmyfatherthatI’dhungupinherface,

andthatheneededtomakesureIknewthestringsbehindthempayingformyeducation:“Ifyoudrop
pre-law,we’llstopwritingthechecks...Pre-lawpaysforyourclasses,balletdoesn’t.”

***

Iliftedmyachingfeetoutofabucketoficeandpattedthemdrywithatowel.Iwasn’tsurehowIwas
goingtojugglealeadingrole,classes,andapotentialinternship,butIdidn’thaveachoice.

Sighing,IglancedatthecalendaronmydeskwhereI’dscribbled“Interviewprepday”intoday’s

slot.

MyupcominginterviewwithGreenwood,Bach,andHamilton—oneofthemostprestigiousfirms

inthestate,wasmorethanjustaninterview.Itwasaprocess,andeveryintern-seekingstudentknew
thatlandinganinternshipatthatfirmcoulddowondersforaresume.

Thefirmwassoselectivethattheyconductedfourroundsofphoneinterviews,threeonlinetests,

andrequiredeachapplicanttocompleteseveralessaysbeforethefinalinterviewwiththepartners.

I’dsoaredthroughthephoneinterviewsandtheexams,buttheessays—regardinghundredpaged

casefiles,weresomethingthatIhadn’texpected.I’deventhoughtthey’dsentmethewrongpacketso
Icalledtosay,“Ibelievemypacketwasswitchedwiththelaw-schoollevelinternapplication.”The
secretarysimplylaughedatme.

She’dsaidthefirmexpectedallofitsinterns—lawschoollevelandundergraduatelevel,tofill

outthesamepackettothebestoftheirability.

“Don’tworry,”she’dsaid.“We’renotexpectingperfectionfromyou.Wejustwanttoseehow

yourmindworks.”

Igrabbedthecasefilethatwasgivingmethemosttroubleandplaceditintomylap.ThenIwent

totheGBHfirm’swebsiteandfamiliarizedmyselfwiththethreepartnerswhowouldbeinterviewing
me.

Greenwood,thefounderofthefirm,wasasaltandpepperhairedmanwithwiryframedglasses.

HetoutedHarvardashisreasonforbeingsodemandingandthorough,andboastedthatinhisthirty
yearsofpracticingthelaw,he’dattainedoneofthehighestvictoryratesinthecountry.

Bach,partnerofthefirmforovertenyears,wasabaldmaninhisearlyforties,thoughhelooked

abitolder.He’dworkedhiswayupthroughthefirm,andsincehewas“suchahardworking
individualwithunparalleledpassion,”Greenwoodhadnochoicebuttomakehimhisfirstpartner.He
hadoneofthesecondhighestvictoryratesinthecountry.

LastwasHamilton—AndrewHamilton,andhewas...Hewassexyasfuck.Itriedtofocusonhis

biographyandignorehispicture,butIcouldn’thelpit.Hisdeepandpiercingblueeyeswerestaring
rightatme,andhisshort,darkbrownhairwasbeggingmyhandstorunthroughit.

HehadthefaceofaGreekGod—evenlytanned,perfectlysymmetrical,strongandchiseled

jawline,andhisfulllipswerecurvedintoaslightsmirk.

Eventhoughthepictureonlyshowedthetoppartofhisbody,Iimaginedthatbythewayhefilled

outhisnavybluesuitthattherewerehardanddefinedmusclesunderneathit.

Iwasgettingwetjustlookingathim.
Focus,Aubrey...Focus...
Strangely,hisbiowastheshortestoneofthemall.Itdidn’tlisthiseducation,hisbackground,or

theyearhebecamepartner.Itwasjustabunchoffillerwordsabouthow“thefirmwassohonoredto
havesuchanesteemedandprovenlawyer”ontheirteam.Oh,andheenjoyedeatingchocolate.

Howinformative...
Icopiedandpastedalloftheirbiosintoaworddocument,andthenIcalledThoreau.
“Goodevening,Alyssa,”heanswered,makingmemeltwithhisvoiceasusual.Isworehecould

talkmeintodoinganything—almostanything.

“Hey,um...”
“Yes?”
God,Ilovedhisfuckingvoice...Hehadn’tsaidmuchofanythingandIwasalreadyturnedon.
“YoucalledsoIcouldlistentoyoubreathe?”Hehadtobesmiling.

“Idid,actually.”Irolledmyeyes.“Areyouenjoyingmysounds?”
“I’denjoythemalotbetterifyouwereunderneathme.”
Iblushed.“Um...”
“Thecase,Alyssa.”Helaughed.“Tellmeaboutyourlatestcase.”
“Right,um...”Iclearedmythroat.“Longstoryshort:Myclientcarriedagunintoafederalbank

andforgottoturnonthesafetylock.Someonebumpedintohimandhishandsinstinctivelywentto
hispocket,andthegunfired—shootinghimintheleg.”

“Sincewhendoyoupracticecriminallaw?Ithoughtyourspecialtywascorporate.”
Shit...“Itis,itis.I’mtakingthiscaseforafriend,probono.”
“Hmmm.Well,yourfriendislookingattwotofiveyearsinafederalprisonifhedoesn’thave

anypriors.Whatpartofthisdoyouneedhelpwithexactly?”

“Thepleadingpart.Hedidn’thurtanyonebuthimself.”
“Didhehavealicensetocarry?”
“No...”Ilookedthroughmynotes.
“ThenI’msuretheprosecutionwillconvincethejurythathecarriedthatgunintothebankwith

theintenttoharmsomeoneotherthanhimself.Takewhateverdealtheyoffer.”

“Well,I...”Ilookedatwhattheassignmentsheetsaid.“WhatifIalreadyrejectedthatdeal?”
Hesighed.“Calltheprosecutionandtrytogetitback.Iftheysayno,pleadnocontest.”
“Nocontest?Areyououtofyourmind?”
“Areyou?Whattypeofcorporatelawyeragreestotakeanopenandshutcriminalcase?Afairly

inexperiencedoneatthat...”

“Foryourinformation,it’sanassign—”Icoughed.“Nevermind.Tellingmetopleadnocontest

isprettymuchthesamethingastellingmetopleadguilty.”

“Ifthatwasthecase,Iwouldhavesaidpleadguilty.”Hesoundedannoyed.“Nocontestisyour

client’sbestoption,andanyreallawyerwouldknowthat.Areyousureyoupassedthebarexam?”

“Iwouldn’thavebeeninvitedtojoinLawyerChatifIhadn’t,wouldI?”Ifeltmyheartachewith

thatlie.“I’mjusttryingtoavoidmyclientbeingsentencedtoprison.”

“Thenyoureallyshouldsticktocorporatelaw.”Therewasasmileinhisvoice.“Yourclientis

goingtoprisonandthere’snothingyoucandoaboutit.Theonlynegotiablethingabouthiscaseis
howlonghe’llspendthere.AnythingelseIcanhelpyouwith?DoIneedtolectureyouonthe
differencebetweenguiltyandnotguilty?”

Irolledmyeyesandputthefileaway.“Thankyouforyourcondescendinghelpasalways.”
“Mypleasure,”hesaid.“Ineedtoaskyousomethingimportant.”
“Aboutmycase?”
“No.”Heletoutalowlaugh.“Whatdoyoulooklike?”
“What?”Icouldbarelyhearmyvoice.“Whatdidyousay?”
“Youheardme.SinceImaynevergetachancetoseeyou,I’dliketoknow.Whatdoyoulook

like?”

Istoodupandwalkedovertomymirror,lettingmyeyesroamovermyreflection.“I’mnotsure

howI’msupposedtoanswerthat...”Ineededtochangethesubject,fast.Fromeverythinghe’dtoldme
abouthisdatesoverthepastfewmonths,hedefinitelyhadatypehelikedbest,atypethatintrigued
himlikenoother:Blonde,slightlycurvy,fulllips...

Me.
I’dtriedtoenvisionwhathelookedlikeplentyoftimes.Darkhaired,maybe?Dirtyblond?A

mouthmadeforkissingwithdeepgreeneyes?Sixpack,no,eightpackthatleadsdowntoalick-able
V?

Hedoesmentionworkingouteveryday...

Iwasmorethancertainthathewasattractive—hehadtobeifsomanywomenputupwithhimon

thosedatingsites,buteachtimemyminddrewapicture,I’dconvincemyselfthatIhadhimall
wrong.

“Youknowwhat?”Isaid,snappingoutofmythoughts.“I’veneverbeengoodatdescribing

things.Whatdoyoulooklike?”

“Ilooklikeamanwhowantstofuckyou.”
Tinglesranupanddownmyspine.“That’snotadescription...”
“Whatcolorisyourhair?”Hedidn’tsoundamused,andIknewhewasn’tgoingtoletmedirect

theconversationtonight.

“Red.”Iyankedthebandfromaroundmybunandlettheblondstrandsfalltomyshoulders.
“Howlongisit?”
“It’sshort...”
“Hmmm.Whataboutyoureyes?”
Istaredatmyblueandgreyirises.“Green,lightgreen.”
“Doyouhavefreckles?”
“No.”Atleastthatpartwastrue.
“Andyourlips?”
“Youwanttoknowhowthinorthicktheyare?”
“Iwanttoknowhowthey’dlookwrappedaroundmycock.”
Igasped.
“Areyouplayingshytonight?”Icecubesclinkedagainstaglassinhisbackground.“Howmuch

ofmycockdoyouthinkyoucouldtakeintoyourmouth?”

Iremainedsilent,andmybreathingbegantoslow.
“Alyssa?”Hisvoicewassoft.“Areyougoingtoanswerme?”
“It’shardtomakeapredictionaboutsomethingyou’veneverdone.”Iheardhiminhaleadeep

breath,andthelinewentcompletelysilent.

Ithoughthe’daskmehowI’dmanagedtohavesexwithboyfriendsinthepastwithoutevergiving

ablowjob,buthedidn’t.

“Hmmm.Areyouanaturalredhead?”
“Whatdoesitmatter?”Imovedovertomybed.“I’mclearlynotyourtype.”
“Ihaveapreference,notatype,andasmartmouthedredheadwho’sneverhadanotherman’scock

inhermouthismorethanworthyofanexception.”

Ihookedathumbunderneathmypantiesandpeeledthemoffbeforeslippingunderthesheets.

“ToobadI’mnotafullblownvirgin,huh?”

“Idon’tfuckvirgins.”Hepaused.“ButconsideringthefactthatyouandIhaveneverfucked,you

mightaswellbeone.”

Wetnessslippeddownmythighs,andIfeltmynippleshardening.“Ihighlydoubt—”
“I’mtiredofonlybeingabletotalktoyouonthephone,Alyssa...”
Silence.
“Ineedtoseeyou...”Hisvoicewasstrained.“Ineedtofuckyou...”
“Thoreau...”
“No,listentome.”Histonewasawarning.“Ineedtobeburieddeepinsideofyou,feelingyour

pussythrobaroundmycockasyouscreammyname—myrealname.”

Ahandtraileddownpastmystomachandbetweenmythighs,andmyfingersbegantostrummy

clit.Slowatfirst,thenfaster,fasterwitheverysoundofhisheavybreathsinmyear.

“I’vebeenverypatientwithyou...”Hisvoicetrailedoff.“Don’tyouthink?”
“No...”

“Ihave,”hesaid.“I’mtiredofimagininghowwetyourpussycanget,howloudlyyou’llscream

whenIsuckyourtitsasyourideme...HowhardI’llpullyourhairwhenIbendyouovermydeskand
fuckyouuntilyoucan’tbreathe...Tired.”

Ishutmyeyes,lettingmyotherhandsqueezemybreast,lettingmythumbpinchmynipple.
“I’mgivingyoutwoweekstocometoyourfuckingsenses...”
“What?”
“Twoweeks,”hewhispered.“That’swhenyouandIaregoingtomeetfacetoface,andI’mgoing

toclaimeveryinchofyou.”

“Ican’t...Ican’tagreeto...that.”
“Youwill.”Hisbreathingwasnowinsyncwithmine.“Andthesecondyoudo,you’regoingto

invitemeoverandI’mgoingtoremindyouofeverythingyou’veteasedmewithoverthepastsix
months.”

Iwasspeechless.Myclitwasswellingwitheachrubofmyfinger,andmybreathsweregetting

shorterandshorter.

“I’llbegentleatfirst,”hewhispered,“especiallywhenIslidemycockintoyourmouthandpull

onyourhair,showingyouexactlyhowIlikeittobesucked.”

“Stop...”Iwaspanting.“Please...Stop...”
“Trustme,Iwon’t.”
“Thoreau...”Mylegsweretrembling.
“Ican’tjusttalktoyouanymore.Ineedtofeelyou,Ineedtotasteyou.Sayyestotwoweeks...”
Ibitmylip,knowingthatifhesaiditagain,ifheaskedmeonemoretime,Iwouldsayyes.
“Alyssa...”Hewasbegging.
Iwassecondsawayfromcoming,secondsawayfromscreaming“Yes!Yes!Yes!”
“Promisemeyou’llletmefuckyouintwoweeks...”
Asifmymouthwasunderhiscommand,itfreedmybottomlipandpreparedtosayyes,butI

hungup.

Keepingmyeyesshut,IlayinbedandletthewavesofanorgasmrollthroughmeasIscreamed

thethreeyeseshecouldn’thear.WhenIfinallystoppedshaking,Irolledoverandgrabbedapillow,
pullingittomychest.

BeforeIcouldforcemyselftosleep,Iheardmyphoneringingbeneathme.
ItwasatextfromThoreau.“I’lltakethatasayes.Fourteendays.”
**Endofexcerpt**

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