Hecht Stephani EMS Heat 15 Blamestorming

Sometimes love comes sooner rather than later—or

worse, sometimes not at all. Then that’s when life isn’t
worth living.

As a foster kid, the only people Ryder could rely on

were Jensen, his good friend and foster brother, and
their foster mother, Mrs. Wilson. Now that they are
grown up, Ryder has become a medic, while Jensen has
become a fireman.

When Jensen gets injured on the job and is taken to

St. Michael’s ER, the last thing Ryder expects to meet
when he rushes to the hospital is the very sexy Doctor
Nelson, who is not only all man, but gay.

Just as Dr. Nelson and Ryder begin to know each

other better, Ryder’s foster mother dies. While Ryder
tries to keep up with his new relationship, work, plus
grieving, the stress soon overwhelms him. Will Ryder
be able to find help in time, or will he lose his one piece
of happiness before he can make it last?

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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters,
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actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is
entirely coincidental.

Blamestorming

ISBN: 978-1-77111-287-1

Cover art by Martine Jardin

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Blamestorming

EMS Heat 15

Stephani Hecht

For Ken. You have been my anchor these past

few months. I’m the luckiest gal in the world to

have you.

Chapter One

amn it to hell and back, but this better be the
last time,” Ryder groused as he found a space in

St. Michael’s parking garage.

He loved his foster brother, Jensen, but this shit was

getting old. In the three months that Jensen had been
with Flint Fire, he’d already been in the ER two times.
Ryder had a sinking feeling that it would only be
getting worse, too. He knew it sure wouldn’t be getting
better.

As he got out of his car and locked it up, Ryder

wondered for the millionth time how Jensen had ever
managed to graduate his fire training classes, let alone
find a place on the city’s department. Not having an
ounce of common sense or fear, Jensen also had the
tendency to be scatterbrained at times, a lasting result of
being born to a mother who was addicted to crack.

Jensen had only met his birthmother once, and

Ryder had been with him at the time. She’d been
wearing shorts that were at least three sizes too big and
a white t-shirt that was so old it was gray and torn in
several places, and she had a thin, almost wasted look
about her. She’d blinked blearily and said, “Who in the
hell are you?”

When Jensen had calmly replied that he was her son,

“D

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she had turned away and walked back inside the saggy
one-story ranch that seemed to house several other
people. For a while the foster brothers stood there in
shock, Ryder running his hand up and down Jensen’s
arm in a sign of silent support.

“I can’t let this happen again,” Jensen finally said.
“Let what happen again?” Ryder had hedged.
He’d worried that Jensen would be rash and storm

into the house and tell his mother off or something.
Jensen never had developed any kind of self-control
when it came to emotional issues.

“I’m going to get a job where I can help people and

make a difference. That way I won’t always be just her
son. I want to make something of myself.”

Ryder had found himself agreeing. While he

couldn’t remember much about his parents, what little
he did recall wasn’t good. Like when they’d gone on
vacation and left him alone. Totally alone, too, they
hadn’t even bothered to hire a sitter to take care for
him. He’d been five at the time and been abandoned for
three days, before he’d finally become desperate
enough to go to a neighbor’s and asked for some milk.
They’d given it to him, sat him down at the table and
then promptly called the police.

Ever since then, he’d been a permanent ward of the

state. At first, he’d bounced around between foster
homes, because he hadn’t talked much and had been
withdrawn. Later, after he’d come out, it’d been hard to
place him because he was gay.

“I think I’ll do the same thing,” Ryder had agreed

with Jensen’s idea.

They’d been eighteen at the time, on their own and

Blamestorming

working dismal jobs. Four years later, they’d managed
to get the education and training they needed and were
both working in emergency systems field.

Out of habit, Ryder still walked in via the ambulance

entrance. As the door swooshed open, he nearly ran into
Matt, a fellow medic and friend.

“Do you know where he is?” Ryder asked, knowing

that without even saying, Matt would understand he
was there for Jensen.

Matt was tall, gorgeous, and blond. When Ryder had

first gone to work, he’d harbored a deep crush on the
guy until he found out how committed Matt was to his
long-time boyfriend.

Matt nodded. “Yeah, I brought him in. He’s in exam

two.”

“What happened this time?” Ryder asked, already

bracing himself.

“We all responded to a fire. After investigating

closer, we found all kinds of drug supplies lying
around. We started evacuating until HazMat could
show up, and Jensen spotted some kid’s toys lying
around the ground. Once outside he got in the father’s
face, asking how in the hell he could have all those
dangerous chemicals around children.”

“Oh, boy,” Ryder groaned, running a hand through

his hair.

“Yeah, the father didn’t take it well at all. We got

there as soon as possible, but not before the asshole got
in a few good punches, and now Jensen looks like the
loser in a MMA match.”

“Crap, I hate it when he decides to save the world.”
“Hey, don’t be so hard on him. There are plenty of

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us who want to play hero. Jensen will even out soon
enough.”

Ryder smiled at the medic. “Thanks.”
“Sure thing. Now go see your brother, and tell him

that he really needs to take some boxing lessons. I
would try to teach him myself, but other than the whole
drink-a-glass-of-raw-eggs thing, I don’t know shit
about that sport.”

Ryder laughed and shook his head. While many

thought Matt was nothing more than a smartass, the guy
had an amazing ability of lifting people’s spirits.

As Ryder approached Jensen’s door, he saw the

doctor was in there. Not wanting to intrude, Ryder hung
back and waited. While he didn’t think Jensen would
mind Ryder being in there, most people had trouble
believing they were brothers, since Jensen was black
and Ryder was white.

“Your hair is darker,” a voice interrupted Ryder’s

thoughts.

Spinning around, Ryder saw it was one of St.

Michael’s newest doctors. Before that moment, Ryder
had never seen the man up close. Now that they were
only a couple of feet apart, Ryder got an eyeful of what
he’d been missing.

A bit younger than most of his peers, the doctor had

blond hair that was cut in a cute, stylish way with the
front of his hair flipping up just a little bit. He had deep,
soulful brown eyes and the most cock-pleasing smile in
the whole city of Flint.

Ryder reached up and tugged at the strands of his

own hair. “Yeah, Matt took me to get a makeover the
other day.”

Blamestorming

“That was nice of him.”
Ryder chuckled. “Actually, he did it because he said

he was sick of having a mini-him running around.”

“It looks really good on you,” the doctor replied, his

gaze giving Ryder a long once-over.

“Thank you…” Ryder trailed off, a heat coming over

his face. “I’m sorry, I never got the chance to learn your
name.”

“That’s okay, the two times I’ve seen you, you were

in and out of the ER pretty quick. I’m Nelson.”

“Shouldn’t I address you as Doctor Harden,” Ryder

asked, glancing at the man’s ID badge.

Giving Ryder another approving glance, Nelson shot

back, “You can call me anything you want…other than
Nelly. The kids in grade school made my life a living
hell with that moniker.”

Letting out a small chuckle, Ryder said, “I’m

Ryder.”

“I already knew that.”
“Really? What else do you know about me?”
Nelson’s lips curled up ruefully. “Sadly, not much

else. Like for instance, I don’t know how you and
Jensen can be brothers. Nor do I know if you’re dating
anybody or even looking for a relationship.”

“Why would you want to know all that?” Ryder

teased, even as a heat came over his face.

He couldn’t believe he was actually flirting, and with

one of the hottest guys he’d ever met. Since Ryder
usually sucked at the whole dating scene, he often just
hung back and did his best not to be noticed.

Nelson leaned back against the wall, crossing his

arms his chest. How he could make a pair of blue

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scrubs look so sexy was a damn mystery to Ryder, but
he was enjoying the view.

“Ever since I first saw you, I was intrigued,” Nelson

replied.

“Intrigued because I’m gay and working in such an

alpha dominated field, or because you’re interested in
me for something more than a friend?”

Ryder winced as soon as those words popped out of

his dumb mouth. Damn! Damn! Damn! He was never
going to get the hang of talking to cute guys.

Nelson didn’t seem to mind, though. In fact, his full

lips curled up into a sensual grin. “I’m very interested
in you, and there’s nothing friend-like about it.”

“Really?” Ryder all but squeaked.
Moving in closer, Nelson reached out and ran a

finger over Ryder’s chest. Although he tried to hold it
in, Ryder shivered in reaction. Which was kind of
funny, since on the inside, his body felt like it was on
fire.

“Why does it seem to me that you have trouble

believing that I may actually be interested in you?”
Nelson asked, his finger still running a path up and
down Ryder’s front.

“I don’t know. It’s just guys tend to overlook me.”
“Then they’re idiots.”
They were interrupted by the sound of somebody

clearing his throat. Turning, Ryder saw Dr. Hanson.
Great, he would have to be caught by one of St.
Michael’s meanest doctors. As usual, he didn’t look
pleased. His dark eyes were narrow with disapproval.

“In case you’re still wondering, your friend is going

to be fine,” Hanson snapped.

Blamestorming

“He’s my brother,” Ryder defended automatically.
Hanson rolled his eyes. “Okay, your foster brother is

waiting for you.”

While Ryder wanted to slug the guy for being such

an ass, he just brushed by him to get to Jensen. As he
stepped into the room, Ryder let out a gasp of dismay.
Matt hadn’t been kidding when he said the guy had
worked a number on Jensen. Both of his eyes were
nearly swollen shut and he had gauze and tape over his
nose.

“He broke your nose?” Ryder asked.
“I know!” Jensen put a hand to his chest. “Now, I’ll

never get to be on America’s Top Model.”

“That sucks,” Ryder returned. “You could still be on

Project Runway.”

“I can’t do that, either.”
“Why not? They don’t care what you look like on

that show. Remember what’s-her-face? She looked like
a mix between a school librarian and the KFC dude, but
they still let her on.”

Jensen let out a melodramatic sigh. “It still wouldn’t

work for me.”

“Why?”
“I can’t sew.”
“Well, that does suck,” Ryder replied, with a

perfectly straight face. “I guess we could call the Y and
ask them if they offer classes.”

“I tried that once before, it didn’t turn out well.”
Although Ryder already knew the story, this

exchange was one they’d used many times to lighten
the mood. “Do tell. What happened?”

Jensen raised his head slightly. “Do tell? Have you

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been watching the old dudes from Rocky and
Bullwinkle again?”

“They were way underappreciated. Never mind

them, though, get back to you and the class already.”

“Well, first I ran around the workroom while

carrying scissors.”

Ryder made a tsking noise. “How many times have I

told you not to do that? It’s a good way to poke your
eye out.”

“I know, but I figured I could do it while there,

because if I did injure myself, I could always fashion
my own personal eye patch.”

“I could see that adding to your rakish good looks,”

Ryder agreed.

“Well, that was only the first of my many sins that

day.”

“I can’t wait to hear about the rest.”
Ryder gingerly sat on the edge of the mattress. He

already knew that the conversation was going to take a
while.

“Well, once we got to the machines I didn’t know

how to load the thread or bagels…”

“I think that’s supposed to be bobbins,” Ryder

interrupted.

Jensen gave a dismissive wave of his hand.

“Whatever. So, this really nice old lady came over to
help, and that’s where it all went downhill.”

“Oh, no! Did she make a pass at you?”
“Well, of course. Nobody can resist this gorgeous

face.”

Studying Jensen’s swollen eyes and bandaged nose,

Ryder still nodded, “It’s the curse life graced you with.

Blamestorming

So, then what happened to the older lady?”

“Well, once she had everything set up for me, I got

so excited that I pushed the gas pedal.”

“That wasn’t the gas pedal, it’s the thing to run the

machine.”

“I know…or at least I do now. She was leaning over

and her cardigan got caught up in the whole mess. Her
face was nearly into the table before I stopped.”

Ryder bit the inside of his cheek to keep from

laughing at the image. “What happened after that?”

“It took us nearly a half hour to get her free of the

mess. Once they had her out, they kicked me to the
curb.” Jensen sighed, then put on his best Brando voice,
“I coulda been a contender, too.”

“No, you couldn’t, and I’ll tell you why.”
Jensen gave him a dirty look. “Oh, I can’t wait to

hear this.”

“You’re horrible at matching and dealing with

fabrics. I have to help you match your socks before you
go out every morning.” Which was really not true, since
Jensen was a much better dresser than Ryder.

“I guess you have a point there. It would have been

fun to try, though.”

They fell silent for several moments, Jensen thinking

whatever he thought during one of his moods, Ryder
thinking about how close he’d come to losing his
brother—yet again.

Finally, Ryder reached down and ran a finger over

Jensen’s battered knuckles. “At least it looks like you
got in a punch or two this time.”

“No, I didn’t. I scraped them on the pavement when

I fell,” Jensen confided in a defeated voice.

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“Why did you even do it in the first place?” Ryder

asked.

Jensen gave him a look that was so full as despair—

hate—agony—hurt, that it nearly broke Ryder.
“Because when I saw all those toys sitting right next to
all that drug stuff, all I could think about was how it
happened to us, and it’s still happening to other
children.”

“Don’t you mean you?” Ryder asked.
Jensen studied him carefully. “No, I meant us. You

may not remember much about your childhood, but
there is only one reason for parents to take off on a
vacation and leave their kid behind. If you can even call
it a vacation, since they never even bothered to come
back to look for you, either.”

Ryder’s throat grew tight. Jensen had a very valid

point. Many times, Ryder told himself that his parents
must have been drug addicts. For all he knew, they
could be dead, the victims of some overdose or random
act of violence.

“You can’t change what happened to us,” Ryder

whispered.

Jensen let out a shuddering breath. “Why does the

world have to suck so much?”

“I wish I had the answer to that. I really, really do.”

Blamestorming

Chapter Two

hile Nelson didn’t mean to eavesdrop, the
nurses’s station he borrowed to do his paperwork

was right next to Jensen’s room. Because of that, he
couldn’t help but hear every word the foster brothers
said to one another.

It kind of reminded Nelson of his own family. Not

the whole drug addict or abuse part, but how easily
Jensen and Ryder teased each other. It was how a
family should be. They sure as hell shouldn’t be like the
losers that Jensen and Ryder had been stuck with.

Nelson came from a large family, and they loved

each other dearly. When he’d finally come out at a
family dinner, there had been a long pause and then his
brothers and sisters had begun to exchange money. It
seemed as though there had been a long on-going bet as
to whether he was gay or not. Right after, his mother
had worn nothing but rainbows for a week.

They sure as hell wouldn’t have thrown him away

like a piece of trash. Just thinking about all that Ryder
had gone through made Nelson want to wrap the medic
up in a blanket and hold him tight.

“He’s single,” Lucas said as he came over and

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slapped a file down next to Nelson’s.

“What?” Nelson asked, deciding to play dumb.
He should have known better. Lucas had a keen eye

and never missed anything. No doubt, a by-product of
being Matt’s boyfriend for so long.

“Don’t play coy. We all know that you have it bad

for Ryder.”

“Really?” Nelson asked, wondering if he’d been that

transparent.

“Yeah, we are even betting on how long it’s going to

take you to get up the nerve to ask him out.”

“Why is everybody always betting on my life,”

Nelson grumbled.

He didn’t even bother asking who we were. Lucas

was a part of the ever-growing group of friends who
were out and proud in the local EMS community,
something that would have been unheard of ten years
before. Tolerance had grown in that area. Even so, they
had a long way to go, and LGBT EMS workers still had
slurs thrown their way on a daily basis. One of the
medics in their group, Forrest, had even been gay
bashed. Because of that, they all stuck together and
protected each other.

“You should come to our next poker night,” Lucas

suggested. “Can you play?”

Nelson smiled. “Yes, I can. I’m actually pretty damn

good. I have a ton of brothers and sisters, and we used
to play dare poker. Trust me, you didn’t want to lose at
that game. One time, they had me streak through the
neighborhood. I almost gave our neighbor a heart
attack. He was the local pastor.”

Lucas cracked up. “That’s what I like about you.

Blamestorming

You may be a doctor, but you are so laid back. You’re
almost like Matt.”

“Lord help us all, we don’t need two of him.”
Despite the fact that they were talking about his

boyfriend, Lucas nodded. “I can barely keep the one we
have in line. Last week, he almost got suspended a
week for using the rig to do doughnuts in the
Planetarium’s parking lot.”

“Yeah, I heard about that. At least he waited until

night, so there were no other cars parked there.”

Lucas snorted. “He’s lucky he didn’t flip the damn

thing.”

“The rig or the Planetarium?”
“And yet you act surprised when I tell you how

much you’re like him.” Lucas gave a heavy sigh.

“Why did he do it in the first place?”
“He had a substitute partner for the night, and the

guy made the mistake of asking Matt if he was a fag or
not. So Matt decided to teach him a lesson by scaring
the hell out of him.”

“The guy deserved it, then.”
Lucas nodded, then fiddled with his ink pen. “So, are

you coming to the poker night or what?”

“Why do I get the feeling that you’re using that to

set me and Ryder up?”

“Please,” Lucas huffed. “That one is already way

overdone. I just thought you would like to hang out
with us sometime. We don’t bite. Well, maybe Matt
does, but only as a joke. He has yet to ever draw any
blood.”

“Thanks, but I have a family thing. Maybe another

time.”

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Lucas shook his head. “Your loss.”
“I’m willing to bet the food is much better at my

parent’s.”

There were many reasons why the family still got

together regularly. One, was the amazing meals.
Another was just so they could annoy the hell out of
each other. While they might love each other, they
squabbled a lot. Although, they were always quick to
forgive.

Lucas handed Nelson a folded piece of paper.

Looking down at it, he asked, “What’s this?”

“It’s Ryder’s cell number. I figured we’d go the

more direct, easy route this time and just leave it up to
you two, instead of all of us trying to play Rainbow
Cupid.”

Lucas picked up his file and started to walk away.
“Why do I feel like I have no control over this

situation, even after what you said?” Nelson asked.

Lucas spun around. “Because you don’t. I saw the

way you two were just flirting with each other. It was
so sweet that even Katy Perry said, Whoa pull it back a
bit, boys.”

Nelson shook his head, but the gesture was lost since

Lucas had turned around and strolled the other way.

Nelson slapped his own folder closed and stared at

Jensen’s room. While Nelson wanted to go in there so
badly, he knew it just wouldn’t be proper for him to flirt
with somebody while a patient was present, even if said
patient would probably enjoy the show.

Since his shift was over, Nelson closed out some

files and did reports before he changed into his street
clothes. He wanted to go home and crash, but he was

Blamestorming

already late for the family dinner, and he knew better
than to miss one of those.

The entire fifteen minute drive over, his thoughts

kept drifting back to Ryder. Nelson still had the piece
of paper Lucas had given him. It would be so easy to
give in and call the medic, but Nelson decided to wait at
least one day. The last thing he wanted was to come off
as overeager or desperate.

As soon as he pulled up to his parents’ home, Nelson

let out a small groan. It looked like it would be a full
house. While he loved each and every one of his
siblings, they were a bit much to take all at once.

As soon as he opened the door, he was met with a

barrage of noise. Not only were all eleven…yes, eleven,
of his siblings there, but so were their kids. There were
so many of them, Nelson didn’t know how they all
managed to fit inside.

Dodging the kids, who were playing on the ground,

Nelson went into the kitchen to find his mother. As
expected, she stood over the stove, making enough food
to feed her army.

Her graying hair was pulled back with a clip, and her

round face was red from the steam. Nelson spotted
some olives on the table and snagged one on his way
over to give her a hug.

“Where’s Dad?” Nelson asked.
“Hiding out in his room. He’s playing boxing on the

Wii.”

“By himself?”
“No, he has the two oldest grandchildren with him.”
Nelson shook his head. Although his dad was over

sixty, that still didn’t stop him from being active. It both

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impressed and shocked Nelson.

His mother gave him a critical eye. “You look too

skinny. Have you been eating enough?”

As the youngest son of the family, Nelson was used

to being coddled. It had always been that way, and it
didn’t change despite the fact he was thirty and a
doctor.

Elaine, the oldest sister walked in, studied Nelson’s

face, then crossed her arms. “Okay, what’s his name?”

She had a scary skill of knowing whenever

something was up in Nelson’s life. There’d been more
than once when he’d asked her why she didn’t open a
fortune telling business.

That didn’t mean that Nelson was willing to just

give in and tell her everything, though. Grabbing
another olive, he shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re
talking about.”

“Stop being an ass and just tell me,” she snapped.
Like the rest of them, she had dark blonde hair that

she always wore in a braid. Unlike Nelson, she had
bright blue eyes that never missed a damn thing.

“Ass! Uncle Nelson is an ass,” piped in Maxwell,

Elaine’s youngest son.

“Shhh…” she chastised. “Don’t use that word.”
The tiny towhead frowned up at her, looking way

too serious for a five-year-old. “Why not? You say it all
the time. Just like you say that Jimmy’s mom is a gold-
digging whore with fake boobs.”

Nelson choked on his olive while his mother turned

around and gave Elaine the look. “You need to be
careful what you say in front of him. You know how
kids love to repeat things.”

Blamestorming

“Fine,” Elaine crossed her arms and glared at

Nelson. “What. Is. His. Name?”

“Ryder,” Nelson finally confessed. “I wouldn’t get

so excited, though, he’s twenty-two, so I’m way too old
for him.”

“That’s not always true,” their mother cut in. “Your

father was ten years older than me, and the sex was
amazing. So much knowledge comes with age.”

Both Elaine and Nelson gaped at her.
“Really, Ma, TMI,” Nelson said.
“Speaking of too much, I saw your profile on

Grindr.” His mother pointed a finger at Nelson.

“Grindr! Grindr! Grindr!” chanted Maxwell.
“You got on Grindr just to see if I was there?”

Nelson asked, dumbfounded.

“Of course I did. A mother has to watch out for her

children. Why would you be playing around and having
one-night stands? You need to find a nice boy and settle
down.”

“Even if he is a bit younger than you,” Elaine

goaded.

Pushing a cup of coffee in Nelson’s hands, his

mother prodded, “Tell us all about him.”

Nelson looked down into his coffee. He should have

known better than to ever show up. “His name is
Ryder.”

Elaine waved her hands in the air. “Yeah, yeah,

yeah, you already told us that. Now we want to know
more.”

“He works as a medic in Flint, so I first spotted him

in the ER.” Nelson smiled at the memory. “Ryder, on
the other hand, didn’t even notice me.”

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“What does he look like?” Nelson’s mother asked.
“He used to have blond hair, but he just colored it a

bit darker. It always looks a bit messed up, and I have
to stop myself from reaching out to fix it. He has the
most amazing eyes, too. They’re a deep blue, but a lot
of times they seem so haunted and sad.”

“Why? What happened to that boy?” Elaine

demanded.

“I only know bits and pieces since he keeps a lot to

himself. I know his parents abandoned him at a young
age, and he was in a ton of foster homes. He finally met
Jensen, and they declared themselves truly-brothers,
despite the fact that Jensen is black, and Ryder looks
paler than a vampire at times.”

Elaine laughed. “I like both of them already.”
“Jensen is a fireman, and he has this huge hero

complex. He wants to save the world. Since he doesn’t
care if he gets hurt in the process, he’s already been in
the ER a few times. I don’t expect the trend to end
anytime soon.”

“How about Ryder?” Nelson’s mother pushed.
“I think he wants to protect the world, too, but he’s

way more laid back and practical about it.” Nelson
frowned. “I can tell he’s really worried about Jensen.
They are basically the only family each other has, and it
would destroy him if he lost Jensen.”

“That’s so sad,” Elaine said, her lips drawing down

into a frown. “Everybody should have a ton of family.
It’s how we get through the world’s crap.”

Nelson found himself silently agreeing. “The worst

part was that Jensen and Ryder didn’t find each other
until they were at their last foster home. Until then,

Blamestorming

each of them was alone and scared.”

Nelson’s gut clenched at the idea of Ryder being sad

or lonely. It made Nelson want to bring the medic home
and make him a part of his family. Sure, Ryder might
never know another moment of peace, but at least then
he wouldn’t be alone anymore.

Whoa there! He hasn’t even agreed to go on a date

with you. Stop trying to move so fast. An inner voice
warned Nelson. Yet he still found himself wanting to
take Ryder under his protection, so the medic would
never again be hurt.

His mother came up and gave Nelson a hug. “You

need to bring this boy over, so we can meet him.”

Nelson gave a dry laugh. “I hadn’t even talked to

him until today. The only reason I have his number is
because a mutual friend gave it to me.”

Elaine’s eyes grew wide. “And you haven’t called

him yet? What are you waiting for?”

Before Nelson could object, he found himself being

led to a bathroom. Elaine turned on the light, then
closed the door. Knowing he was cooked either way,
Nelson pulled out the slip of paper with Ryder’s
number.

Taking a deep breath, he punched in the number. It

rang a few times and Nelson thought that maybe Ryder
wasn’t going to answer it. That possibility both thrilled
and disappointed Nelson at the same time.

Just as he was about to hang up, Ryder’s voice came

over the line. “Hello?”

Nelson had to clear his throat a few times before he

could speak, “Hey, this is Nelson. We talked earlier
today at the hospital.”

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“Yeah, I remember you.”
Nelson could almost hear the smile in Ryder’s voice.
“Yeah, how’s Jensen doing?”
Closing his eyes, Nelson kicked himself. That

wasn’t the best way to start a conversation. It only
made him sound more like an old doctor than ever.

“He’s doing fine. They’re keeping him in the

hospital overnight, just as a precaution. He’ll be back
home and annoying me soon enough, though.”

“I was wondering something,” Nelson forced

himself to say.

“What?”
“Would you like to go out to dinner with me

sometime soon?” Nelson held his breath while he
waited for Ryder’s answer.

“Sure,” Ryder replied. “When would you want to

go?”

“Day after tomorrow? I don’t work then,” Nelson

suggested as he pumped his fist in the air.

“That would be great. I have that day off, too, and

one of the guys from the fire department is coming
over, so they can keep an eye out for Jensen.”

They made arrangements for what time and place

they would go, before Ryder asked, “Not that I mind,
but just how did you get my number?”

“Lucas. He seems to think that we would be a

perfect match for each other,” Nelson confessed.

Ryder laughed, the soft sound sending a shiver of

desire down Nelson’s spine. “I swear he and Matt are
always trying to pair people up. They have a very
serious Matchmaker complex.”

“So, does this mean I can call and text you whenever

Blamestorming

I want?” Nelson asked, hoping that he wasn’t pushing
things.

“I would love it,” Ryder replied.
Since he sounded like he really meant it, the

comment made Nelson feel like maybe, just maybe,
they could have a workable relationship.

Now all they had to do was get over the age gap and

Ryder’s past. Neither of which would be very easy.

Stephani Hecht

Chapter Three

yder stood in front of his bedroom mirror and let
out a groan of dismay. He’d tried on his entire

closet, and not one outfit seemed right.

Since he’d never gotten into the dating scene, all of

his clothes were casual. The closest thing he had to
formal wear was his t-shirt with a painted tie on it.
Jensen had bought it as a gag gift last Christmas, and
it’d sat in Ryder’s dresser ever since.

Jensen came waltzing in, some clothes in his hands.

Frowning, Ryder asked, “What’s that.”

Dumping the load on the bed, Jensen replied, “Some

decent clothes. Ones that won’t make you embarrass
yourself. You know, for a gay man, you have a
despicable sense of fashion.”

“I’m not that bad,” Ryder defended.
Picking up a vintage Pac-Man shirt, Jensen cocked a

brow. “I don’t think even a geek would be caught dead
in this.”

Ryder eyed the pile of clothes as if they were a nest

of venomous snakes, “Those aren’t your club clothes,
are they?”

Jensen rolled his eyes. “Of course not. You’re way

Blamestorming

too fat for those.”

Looking down at his body Ryder felt a bit self-

conscious. “Am I really fat?”

Letting out a snort of laughter, Jensen threw a sock

at Ryder’s head. “Of course not. You are thinner than
me.”

“Then why can’t I wear your club clothes?”
“Somehow, I don’t see you being comfortable in

ass-less chaps.”

Tilting his head to the side, Ryder pretended to mull

that one over in his head. “I guess you have a point
there. I couldn’t wear something like that until at least
our third date. Otherwise, I’d come off as a total slut.”

“Plus, I don’t see you running around in a mesh crop

top, either.”

Ryder gave a shudder. “Nobody should be running

around in a mesh crop top—period.”

“The big boys at the bar don’t complain,” Jensen

argued.

Ryder gave his friend a onceover. While the swelling

had gone down, his eyes still looked like hell. “Just
make sure you don’t go to any of those clubs. At least
until you’re healed.”

“Don’t worry, James is coming over to watch some

movies with me.”

That left Ryder slightly confused. “You do know

that James is in a serious relationship.”

“Yes.”
“And that he’s a medic, not a fireman.”
“Yup.”
“Since when have you two become buddies?”
“Since we found out that we both love True Blood.

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We’re going to have a marathon tonight and watch as
many episodes as possible. Since his boyfriend is
pulling a long shift at St. Michael’s, James is feeling a
bit lonely, so we’re just going to hang.”

“I guess it’s the least we can do since you have used

his and Dr. Dane’s services so much,” Ryder teased.

“He said to call him Calvin. I guess he’s pretty close

to Nelson, too.”

“I thought you said you were having some guys

from the firehouse come over?”

A dark look came over Jensen’s face. “Yeah, those

plans were cancelled.”

Since Jensen looked pretty ticked, Ryder decided to

leave that alone. “Are you sure you’re going to be
okay? I can cancel my plans.”

Jensen shook his head. “Here’s a clue for you, hun,

when a guy as hot as Nelson asks you out, you never,
ever cancel.”

Just the mention of Nelson sent a flurry of panic

through Ryder. “Shit, he’s coming any second, and I
still haven’t decided what to wear.”

Jensen held up a pair of skinny jeans and a nice plaid

button-up shirt. “Here you go. This will work perfectly,
no matter where he takes you.”

Ryder let out a sigh of relief as he took the clothes

and quickly put them on. After, Jensen led Ryder into
the bathroom and styled his hair. Since his hair usually
looked like it’d been hit by a hurricane and hair was yet
another thing that Jensen excelled in, Ryder let him.

Once Jensen was finished, he turned Ryder to face

the mirror. Shocked by the image that greeted him,
Jensen fingered his hair, “Wow, I didn’t know I could

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look this good.”

Putting away the hair supplies, Jensen snarked, “Just

don’t break out into I Feel Pretty and we’re even. I’m
so sick of your West Side Story references.”

“Deal. How about something from My Fair Lady?”
“Nope,” Jensen said as he breezed out the room.
Once alone, Ryder put a hand over his stomach in an

attempt to tame the butterflies that were having a field
hockey match in there. It was useless though, as not
only had it been forever since Ryder had been on a date,
but he was going out with one of the best looking men
in Genesee County. Ryder still didn’t know what the
doctor saw in him.

A knock sounded from the front door, making Ryder

jump in response. He gripped the edge of the sink as he
looked at his reflection, “Okay, you can do this. Just be
nice, and don’t make an ass out of yourself.”

Yeah, easier said than done.
“Ryder,” Jensen yelled. “You have a gentleman

caller.”

Cringing, Ryder wished that he’d foreseen Jensen

being the one to open the door. His brother was
anything but discreet.

Taking one last steadying breath, Ryder pushed

himself away from the sink and went out to the living
room. When he caught his first sight of Nelson, Ryder
nearly forgot how to breathe.

He’d never seen Nelson in regular clothes, and the

man looked a-may-zing. He wore a pair of dark jeans
that looked as if they had been custom made to fit his
body. They hugged every muscle in Nelson’s legs. He
paired the jeans with a nice button-up shirt, almost like

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Ryder had on, but Nelson’s was all blue and looked
great against his tanned skin.

Then as Ryder really focused on Nelson’s face, he

was shocked to see the slightly dazed expression on the
doctor’s mug.

“Wow,” Nelson breathed. “You look fantastic.”
Ryder let out a nervous laugh. “Funny, I was about

to say the same thing to you.”

Nelson smiled, then opened up the door. “You

ready?”

Slipping into his shoes, Ryder asked, “Where are we

going?”

“I thought we’d start with the Redwood Steakhouse.”
Ryder sucked in a breath. That place was nice—and

expensive. He was glad that he’d thought ahead and put
his emergency only credit card into his wallet. That was
going to be the only way he could swing the bill at a
place like that.

As they walked out, Jensen shut the door, calling,

“Please, do something that I would do.”

A heat came over Ryder’s face. “Sorry about that.

Jensen has no mouth filter.”

Putting a hand on the small of Ryder’s back, Nelson

laughed. “That sounds like my sister, Elaine. She has a
son, and you should hear his potty mouth. Maxwell
repeats everything she says.”

Ryder smiled, happy to know that he wasn’t the only

one who had family baggage. Jensen led Ryder to his
car. As he got in, Ryder tried hard not to act
overwhelmed with how nice it was. The price tag on the
thing was probably higher than two years’ worth of rent
for Ryder.

Blamestorming

As he buckled up, Ryder considered once again how

much Nelson was out of his field. Why Nelson had
even wanted to go out with Ryder still remained a
mystery. Maybe it was a pity date or something.

All those thoughts temporarily fled when Nelson got

into the car. Instead of reaching for his belt, he cupped
his hand behind Ryder’s head and pulled him in for a
kiss.

At first Ryder froze, both out of shock and disbelief

that he was actually kissing Nelson Harden, the most
amazing guy ever. Then Ryder parted his lips and
Nelson’s tongue swept in. After that, all Ryder could
think of was More!

Twisting to the side as much as he could in the tight

confines of the car, Ryder put one hand on Nelson’s
shoulder and returned the kiss. Nelson let out a moan,
the sound sending a thrill of pleasure all the way to
Ryder’s toes.

Damn! But could Nelson kiss. He tasted like

strawberries and chocolate, too, which just happened to
be one of Ryder’s favorite desserts. Ryder thrust his
tongue in again, anxious to get another taste. His cock
perked up, asking if it could come out and take part in
the game.

Ryder let out a moan, his hips thrusting up into

nothingness, as he tugged more desperately at Nelson’s
shoulder. Even though Ryder’s brain knew it was
impossible at the moment, his body wanted to be closer
to Nelson.

Finally, Nelson broke it off, but he switched his grip

to Ryder’s face. Fanning his fingertips along Ryder’s
lips, Nelson whispered, “That was so much better than I

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imagined.”

“I made sure to use plenty of mouthwash,” Ryder

replied, stupidly.

Nelson laughed. “I think I still would have liked it if

you had just eaten a Coney Dog with chili and onions.”

Ryder wrinkled up his nose. “You won’t have to

worry about that.”

“Why? Do you carry mouthwash with you?”
“No, I hate onions. That is unless it’s French Onion

Soup or onion rings, then I’m on them like a shark on
chum.” Ryder let out a groan. “Can you just forget most
of what I say tonight? When I get nervous, I say
whatever pops into my head. It’s like I become my very
own version of Sophia from Golden Girls.”

Nelson gave him a tender smile. “You can say

anything you want, and I’ll still think you’re cute.”

Ryder nibbled on his bottom lip. “I don’t get it.”
“What?”
“You’re handsome, rich, educated, from a good

family. Why would you ever be interested in somebody
like me? I don’t even remember who my parents are.
They could be serial killers or something.”

“You and Jensen made your own family, and it’s a

good, loving one. Plus, people aren’t where they come
from, they’re what they do with their lives. You became
a medic and help people every day. That’s something to
be proud of.”

“Maybe,” Ryder hedged. “I just can’t help thinking

that you’re going out with me on a bet or something.”

Nelson feathered his lips over Ryder’s mouth. “Just

the opposite, all the gay staff and half the women at the
hospital are gunning for you. You should have seen

Blamestorming

how pissed they were when they found out I got you to
go out with me.”

Tilting his head back for another kiss, Ryder asked,

“So, I’m a prize?”

“Yes, in more ways than one. You just need to wake

up and realize it.”

As Nelson kissed him, Ryder wanted to believe him.

But a small nagging voice rang in Ryder’s head, If you
really are so special, then why did your parents leave
you behind?

When they pulled away from each other again,

Ryder gave Nelson a nervous smile. “We should
probably get going.”

Nelson studied him carefully a moment before

nodding. “You’re right. We don’t want to be late for the
reservation I made.”

The drive over to the restaurant was pretty silent, but

Nelson held Ryder’s hand the entire way. Despite all
the doubts, Ryder couldn’t help but savor that. Nobody,
aside for Jensen and Mrs. Wilson, had ever wanted to
touch Ryder for longer than it took to get off. To know
that somebody was touching him, simply for
enjoyment, sent a warm feeling though Ryder.

When they finally arrived at the restaurant, Ryder

became a bundle of nerves again. He’d never been to
anything fancier than IHOP. The steakhouse looked ten
times fancier than that. Had it not been for the fact that
Nelson had taken ahold of his hand again, Ryder would
have been tempted to run in the opposite direction.

The hostess greeted Nelson by name and led them to

a table set off to the side so they could have some
privacy. As Ryder took the heavy menu, his gut

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churned as he wondered how expensive the bill would
be. While he had his credit card, there wasn’t much left
on it.

Nelson glanced over the table at him. “Pick whatever

you want. This is my treat.”

“I can’t let you do that,” Ryder protested.
“Count it as my way of making things up to you.”
Ryder frowned. “What did you do wrong?”
“Don’t you remember what happened the first time

we met?”

Ryder thought a minute before it came to him. “I’d

brought in a kid, the parents said he’d hurt himself on
his bike, but I knew it was bullshit. I’d seen enough
abuse in my life to spot it the second I see it. I wanted
you to call CPS, but you insisted on examining him
first. You told me that I was just jumping the gun and
wanted to make drama.”

Nelson reached across the table and took Ryder’s

hand. “And I was wrong. As soon as I saw the X-rays, I
knew you had been correct. Ever since then, I’ve felt
like a big ass.”

For some reason, Ryder felt the need to reassure

him. “That’s okay. I know you really didn’t mean
anything about it. You didn’t know me then, and the
kid’s father was a police officer, so you had to be
careful how you handled things. I just happened to have
more experience when it came to spotting that stuff,
thanks to all the years of foster care.”

“I’ll know never to doubt you again.”
Ryder chuckled. “Don’t be so sure about that. The

other night I brought in a girl who I thought was
suffering from appendicitis, and Lucas barely had time

Blamestorming

to play catch when she popped out a baby instead.”

They both laughed, and the tension was broken.

They ordered huge steaks and lingered over them as
they talked mostly about work related stuff. As they
were drinking coffee with their desserts, Ryder
confessed, “When I first met you, I thought you were
some stuck-up jerk. Especially, since you never talked
to me like the rest of the doctors do. Well, I should say
most, there are a couple who think they’re too good to
talk to medics, and I thought that you were one of
them.”

“If I tell you the real reason why I didn’t talk to you,

do you promise not to laugh at me?” Nelson asked, a
slight blush coming over his face.

“Sure.”
“I thought that I was too old for you,” Nelson

blurted, hoping that Ryan wouldn’t agree with him.

Ryan smiled. “I happen to like guys who are a bit

older than me. I just don’t understand why it was me
that you wanted.”

“Can I tell you a big secret?” Nelson asked.
When Ryder nodded, Nelson continued, “Ever since

you stood up to me that day, I’ve had it bad for you. It
wasn’t just because you’re a spitfire, either. I love the
way you laugh, your smile, the way your hair is always
a mess, the way your eyes light up when you talk about
Jensen or Mrs. Wilson. Hell, I can’t think of something
I don’t like about you.”

The words touched Ryder so much that his heart

pounded hard and for a moment he was speechless.
“Most people say that I’m too quiet.”

“Just because you don’t talk much doesn’t mean

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your words can’t make a huge impact. You always put
others’ needs before your own.”

Ryder ducked his head, a heat coming over his face.

“Thanks.”

“So, now that we’re done eating, where do you want

to go? I can take you back to your place, we can catch a
movie—”

“I want to go home—with you,” Ryder blurted

before his courage failed him.

“You’re asking to go to my place?” Nelson asked, a

tiny smile covering his sensual lips.

Ryder nodded. “That is, if you want me to.”
“Are you kidding? It’s like a dream come true to

me.”

Raising his hand, Nelson waved for the check.

Blamestorming

Chapter Four

s Nelson led Ryder up the sidewalk to his condo,
he still couldn’t believe his luck.

Not only did Ryder actually agree to go out with me,

but he asked to come home with me. It’s like my
birthday, Christmas, and the Fourth of July all mixed
into one.

“Wow,” Ryder said as they walked in, “this place is

really great.”

“Not as nice as yours.”
Nelson meant it, too. While his place might be more

expensive, Ryder’s apartment had a nice, lived-in feel
to it. Nelson’s décor of all white, gray, and black left
him feeling cold and lonely.

Ryder grinned at him. “You just need a splash of

color and your own personal touch, then it would be
perfect.”

Pulling Ryder in closer, Nelson said, “Maybe you

could help me with that.”

“Oh, really? Who said that you would even be

getting a second date?” Ryder teased—or at least
Nelson hoped he was teasing.

“Because I have tickets to a Generals exhibition

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game, and you mentioned how much you love hockey.”

Ryder’s eyes grew wide, making him look even

younger. “Do you really? Not that you have to bribe
me. I would have been up for another date for sure.”

Nelson took a deep breath. For a moment there, he

had the real fear that maybe Ryder hadn’t wanted a
second date, but now he realized that Ryder had meant
the question playfully.

“Good,” Nelson leaned down for a kiss. “Because I

hope to have a lot more dates with you.”

“I would really like that,” Ryder agreed as he began

to toe off his shoes.

When the medic began to unbutton his shirt, Nelson

nearly choked. “Do you always move this fast?”

Ryder shook his head. “No, I’ve never wanted

anybody as badly as I want you.”

That was a feeling that Nelson could totally agree

with. He still made no move to undress, though,
because he was too busy enjoying the show Ryder was
putting on. Once the medic finished unbuttoning his
shirt, he shrugged it off, showing off the most compact,
yet perfect, set of abs Nelson had ever seen.

Ryder paused, a shy expression covering his face. “I

may not do this that often, but even I know that we both
have to get naked for it to work.”

Nelson stepped forward and gave him a slow, lazy,

knock-you-outta-your-socks kiss. “Just wait here. I’ll be
right back.”

“Promise?”
“Trust me, nothing could keep me away from you

now.”

Nelson felt a jolt of shock as he realized how much

Blamestorming

he really meant that and not for just the night, either.
Now that he had Ryder in his life, Nelson never wanted
him to leave.

Not daring to voice that aloud, just yet, Nelson ran

into the bathroom and grabbed some lube and a
condom. Rushing back to the bedroom, he found Ryder
still waiting for him.

Nelson pointed to the couch, a very large sectional

that was gray. “Do you like that piece of furniture?”

Looking confused, Ryder shrugged, “Sure, but what

does it have to do with us having sex?”

“Since that first day you chewed me out, I’ve had a

lot of fantasies involving us having sex in various
locations. That couch was one of my favorite
daydreams to revisit.”

A sly grin covered Ryder’s face. “Just exactly how

did this particular fantasy go?”

Nelson licked his lips. “Usually, you’re bent over the

back of it while I pound into your tight ass.”

After that revelation, Nelson held his breath. For all

he knew Ryder would tell him that he never bottomed
and Nelson could take his fantasy for a hike. Then
Ryder’s hands went for his own fly as that grin
returned.

“That sounds fucking fantastic.”
“You don’t mind bottoming?” Nelson asked, just to

be certain.

“Naw, I like it either way. Just so long as we both

get off. Now hurry, and get your damn clothes off.”

“Gladly,” Nelson relied.
Nelson was in such a rush, he didn’t get a good look

at Ryder until they were both naked. Facing Nelson,

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Ryder leaned against the couch, his back arched just a
tiny bit as he stroked himself.

The sight of Ryder’s thick cock made Nelson’s

mouth water. Without even stopping to think about it,
Nelson rushed over and sunk to his knees, so he was
face-level with Ryder’s erection. A tiny drop of pre-
cum lingered at the tip, making it all the more
irresistible. Dipping his head, Nelson swirled his tongue
around the tip, the salty taste nearly exploding in his
mouth, considering how small the sampling was.

Ryder let out a low hiss, his hips thrusting forward

ever so slightly. Since Nelson hadn’t turned on the
lights when they came in, the only illumination came
from a slight separation in the front curtains. The
shadows and dim light played over Ryder’s body
perfectly, making him look like an old statue of some
Roman god—as sappy as that was.

Eager to get a full taste, Nelson gave Ryder’s

cockhead one last swirl before he sucked his lover all
the way in. Since it’d been awhile, Nelson gagged at
first. Ryder ran his fingers though Nelson’s hair,
crooning, “Just take it slow, babe.”

The endearment went straight to Nelson’s own cock,

making it throb in need. Nelson determinedly left his
hands off it. He wanted the whole fantasy, and that
involved him not coming until he was inside Ryder. So,
instead, Nelson used his fingers to gently massage
Ryder’s balls, the gesture bringing out more breathy
words of praise from his lover.

Since Nelson really didn’t want either of them to

come too soon, he pulled his mouth off Ryder’s cock
and began to kiss his way up Ryder’s body. Once he

Blamestorming

reached Ryder’s neck, Nelson whispered, “Turn around
and bend over the couch.”

Ryder moved so fast that he almost toppled over.

Holding in a laugh, Nelson put a hand on Ryder’s back
to steady him. Then Nelson reached over and grabbed
the bottle of lube.

“Just give me a second to get you stretched out,”

Nelson reassured him.

Ryder let out a sound halfway between a pant and

laugh. “I would tell you just to go for it, but it’s been
awhile for me.”

That thought filled Nelson with way too much

pleasure. Just knowing that Ryder had been untouched
for so long made Nelson want to go all caveman and
grunt with feral pride.

Paying heed to Ryder’s words, Nelson poured out a

liberal amount of lube and slicked up his fingers.
Tossing the bottle to the side, Nelson leaned over and
peppered kisses along the curve of Ryder’s back.

“God, if you only knew how much I want this,”

Nelson said, almost reverently.

“We’ll have to thank Jensen for getting his ass

kicked. Without that happening, we may never have
worked up the courage to speak to each other.”

Nelson slid in one finger, loving how tight Ryder

was. Sooooooo good. Sure, it would mean they’d have
to enjoy a little extra foreplay before they could get to
the fucking, but Nelson wasn’t about to complain.

Ryder let out a small groan. “That feels like heaven.”
Adding a second finger, Nelson began to gently

thrust them in and out, making sure to watch Ryder
close for any signs of discomfort. All Nelson found was

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pure bliss crossing Ryder’s face. It made the already
good-looking man gorgeous.

When Ryder began to thrust back against his hand,

Nelson realized he was ready for a third and final
finger. Still peppering Ryder’s back with kisses, Nelson
carefully pushed it in. When Nelson curled his fingers,
instantly finding Ryder’s prostate, the younger man
cried out.

“Fuck, I knew there were going to be some benefits

to dating a doctor,” Ryder moaned.

“This is just the tip of the sex iceberg,” Nelson

teased as he pulled his fingers free.

Ripping open the condom wrapper, Nelson rolled the

latex over his cock. Nelson was so close to the edge that
his breath was shaky and erratic. It was a miracle he
could stand, let alone put a condom on.

Nelson managed, and soon he had the blunt head of

his cock pressed against Ryder’s hole. Nelson only
paused a moment, before he began to carefully push in.
Ryder let out a whimper—a real honest to goodness
whimper of need, as Nelson breeched the ring of
muscles and sank all the way into his tight heat.

Ryder gave a loud gasp, his fingernails scratching

into the fabric of the couch. Nelson froze. “Am I
hurting you?”

“No, I just want to make sure I have a good hold

when you finally decide to fuck the hell out of me,”
Ryder shot back.

Nelson laughed even as he grabbed Ryder’s hips and

began to pound into him. If Ryder wanted a hard
fucking, then that’s what Nelson would give him. Ryder
let out a cry, but it was full of pleasure instead of pain.

Blamestorming

That spurred Nelson on, and he continued the pace.

He would have reached around to stroke Ryder off, but
the man’s cock was trapped between the couch and
their bodies. Going by the whimpers, moans, and
groans coming from Ryder’s lips, he didn’t need any
help anyway.

As if answering Nelson’s concerns, Ryder said, “I’m

going to come. If you don’t want a huge mess on the
couch, then we better move quick.”

Nelson continued to thrust into him. “That’s okay, I

have stain stick.”

After a few moments, Ryder let out a loud cry, his

body stiffening.

Just knowing that Ryder had found bliss pushed

Nelson into his own orgasm. He gave one last thrust
before his cock pulsated and filled the condom.
Pleasure shot through Nelson so hard that he curled his
toes into his plush carpet.

They both sank onto the floor, their sweat-slicked

bodies cuddling together. Ryder buried his face into
Nelson’s chest. “What now?”

“Next we go to the bedroom, then the shower, then

the kitchen table, then the back porch, then my
Jacuzzi…”

Ryder glanced up, his eyes glistening with laughter.

“I have to go to work at noon tomorrow. How are we
going to get all that in?”

“I guess you’ll have to come back tomorrow night,”

Nelson suggested.

Ryder tipped his head up and said, “That sounds

great to me.”

Nelson wanted to give another fist-pump of

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excitement.

“Why don’t we move to the bedroom now? We can

watch some TV and catch our breath for a bit,” Nelson
showed Ryder the way.

Nelson went into the attached bathroom, washed off,

and got rid of the condom, then brought out a warm
washcloth to clean Ryder. They turned on the
television, but it was mostly background as they
cuddled and talked. Both of which Nelson had never
really enjoyed before that moment.

“What happened to your real parents?” Nelson

asked, hoping he wasn’t pushing too far, but he wanted
to make sure he’d heard right the day he inadvertently
eavesdropped.

Ryder twirled a finger in Nelson’s chest hair for a

second before answering, “I don’t know. I think the
police tried to find them for a while, but the last day I
saw them was the day they left me to go on a private
vacation of their own.”

“How old were you?”
“Five.”
Rage boiled through Nelson as he thought about how

scared and alone Ryder must have felt. Then his rage
went toward Ryder’s parents. What kind of monster
does that to their own kid?

“How many foster homes were you in?”
Ryder shrugged. “I lost count at fifteen. At first, they

didn’t want me because I refused to talk. Later on, it
was because I was gay. I tried to hide it as best as I
could, but they always managed to find out. That was,
until Mrs. Wilson, and she didn’t care. She just wanted
me to be happy. That’s where I met Jensen, and we

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decided to always stick by each other.”

“Tell me about Mrs. Wilson,” Nelson urged. He

hadn’t missed the look of love on Ryder’s face when
he’d spoken her name.

“She’s this tiny black woman, and at first I thought

she was a big pushover. Then some of the
neighborhood kids tried to pick on me, and I found out
how wrong I was.”

“A real Mama Bear, huh?” Nelson placed a kiss on

the top of Ryder’s head.

“You have no idea. She had those bullies running

scared in under ten minutes. She was the one who
taught me to talk more, if for nothing else, than to stand
up for myself.”

“Do you still see her?”
“Yeah, that’s why we stayed in Flint. She still lives

in the North End and continues to take in hard-to-place
foster kids. Jensen and I try to visit her at least once a
week. Lately, we’ve been going over even more,”
Ryder replied, his voice tense.

“Why? Do you think something is wrong?”
“She just took in a new brother and sister. They’re

older, sixteen and seventeen, I think. Both Jensen and I
think they are somehow taking advantage of her, but we
just can’t figure it out. We hate even thinking that, since
we were foster kids, too, but we can’t help it. We just
think there’s some hinky with them. I’ve seen some
pretty mean people, so I’ve learned to trust my gut, and
right now it’s telling me she’s in trouble.”

“Is there anything you can do for her?” Nelson

asked, sharing Ryder’s worries.

Ryder tilted his head to glance up at Nelson. “We

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can’t do dip-shit. We’re just kids who have aged out of
the system, and nobody gives a damn what we think.
Hell, I might call Jensen my brother, but in all reality,
we’re just two street rats who look out for each other.
Legally, we have no claim to each other.”

After giving a rueful shake of his head, Ryder settled

back in place. “Enough of my depressing shit, tell me
about your family.”

Nelson paused, feeling guilty that his life had been

so easy, and he’d been gifted with a wonderful family.

Finally, Ryder chuckled, “That good, huh?”
“What do you mean?”
“If you’re embarrassed to talk about it, that can only

mean two things. One, you’re in the closet and don’t
want any guys you date to know about them. Or two,
they are so perfect that you feel bad telling the
throwaway about how great your life has always been.”

“They are great,” Nelson admitted. “I have eleven

brothers and sisters. Plus, there are a dozen grandkids
so far. My parents are still together, and they were
amazing when I came out to them.”

Ryder made a happy humming sound. “That must be

so nice.”

“It is,” Nelson admitted. “Maybe someday I’ll take

you to meet them.”

Giving Nelson’s chest a playful swat, Ryder said,

“We’ve only gone on one date, yet you already want
me to meet your parents. Wow, you move fast.”

Growing serious, Nelson said, “I know I am, and I

usually don’t act like this. There’s just something about
you that makes me want to hold on tight and never let
go.”

Blamestorming

Ryder put a finger over Nelson’s mouth. “Don’t say

that. After all the disappointment I’ve had in life, it’s
not fair to give me false hope. Each time it’s ripped
from me, it always kills another part of me.”

Nelson felt his heart shatter, not because he didn’t

believe that Ryder liked him. Instead, it was because at
that moment Nelson realized that there was a little part
of Ryder who was that five-year-old abandoned kid.
Ryder truly felt as if he weren’t lovable.

Nelson would just have to prove to Ryder how

wrong he was. Rolling them over, so he was on top of
Ryder, Nelson gazed down on him. “Okay, then how
about we take this day-to-day for right now. You
promise not to get scared and run, I promise not to
register us at Target.”

Ryder grinned up at him. “Deal.”

Stephani Hecht

Chapter Five

ince the EMS room always had fresh coffee and
doughnuts, Nelson ducked in there to refill his mug.

He was trying to decide between the nut-covered or
double chocolate pastries when Ryder busted in and
caught him.

Shutting the door behind him, Ryder leaned against

it and made a slight tsking noise. “Look at this, a
doughnut thief.”

Nelson picked up the chocolate and took a big bite.

“You bet. This stuff is way better than what we have in
our break room.”

Ryder gave that sweet smile of his as he crossed the

room. “You would think that they’d give the doctors all
the good stuff.”

“Nah, we’re just lowly slaves like the rest of the

staff.”

“Hmm…I’ll keep that in mind the next time one of

you yells at me.” Stepping on tiptoe, Ryder studied
Nelson’s face. “You’ve got some chocolate on the
corner of your mouth.”

“Where?” Nelson asked, raising a hand to his mouth.
“Right here,” Ryder replied as he quickly licked it

Blamestorming

clean.

Nelson yearned to pull the medic in for a real kiss,

but he knew that they had to remain professional.

Matt’s voice boomed from outside. “Hey! He was

alive when I brought him in. So this death is on you. I
don’t care if he bled out or not. I kept him stable all the
way to your hospital. It’s not my fault you guys can’t
close up seven gunshot wounds, deal with a collapsed
lung, a pericardial tamponade, and still manage to get
enough blood in him at the same time. I’m still more
boss than any of you.”

Or at least most of them were professional.
“Sorry about that,” Ryder said. “He and that RN

Gladys have a running tally on how many patients they
manage to keep alive.”

When Nelson had first begun working at the ER, that

kind of gallows humor used to appall him. He quickly
learned that it was the ER staff and EMS workers’s way
of handling so much death and suffering on a daily
basis. It was either laugh or cry.

Taking a sip of his coffee, Nelson asked, “What are

you doing tonight?”

Ryder smiled. “Hopefully, spending it with you.”
It’d gotten to the point where Ryder spent more

nights at Nelson’s than his own apartment.

“My family is having one of their dinners tonight,

and my mom wants to meet you.”

Ryder froze. “You want to take me home to your

family? Isn’t it too soon?”

Nelson didn’t let the comment put him off. He was

getting used to Ryder’s small panic attacks whenever
their relationship took a serious step forward.

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“We’ve been dating for almost two months now. I

think that’s long enough. In fact, some of my siblings
are beginning to tease that I’ve made you up and you
don’t exist at all.”

When Ryder began to nibble on his bottom lip,

Nelson knew the medic was considering it. So Nelson
added, “You can take Jensen along if you want.”

Ryder made a dismissive gesture with his hand.

“Jensen is hanging out with his firemen buddies again
tonight. I don’t think he even knows I’m alive
anymore.”

“We both know that’s not true.” Nelson took the risk

and pulled Ryder into his arms. “Come with me tonight,
please. I promise they’re all going to love you.”

“Okay,” Ryder agreed, his voice still filled with

doubt.

Nelson refused to let that dampen his happiness. He

gave Ryder a quick kiss before pulling back. “Thanks. I
promise you’re going to have a great time.”

“What is she cooking?”
“Her world famous lasagna. Once you taste it, you’ll

be addicted for life.”

Ryder ducked his head. “Are you sure they really

want to meet me? They probably won’t be that
impressed.”

“They already are impressed, just with the little bit I

shared about you.”

“That won’t last after they meet me.”
Nelson felt a moment’s frustration. How many times

did he have to tell Ryder that he was desirable? If he
hadn’t known better, Nelson would have sworn the guy
was fishing for a compliment.

Blamestorming

Then Nelson remembered all the different homes

Ryder had been in and how many of them had tossed
him away. Hell, not even the guy’s own parents had
wanted him. So for Ryder to have a bit of a complex
was more than understandable.

Tucking his fingers under Ryder’s chin, Nelson

forced the medic to look up. “They will like you, trust
me. I do, and we have the same taste in people.”

The doubt still lingered on Ryder’s face, but he still

nodded. “Okay, you can pick me up after work. I don’t
have street clothes with me, and I don’t want to show
up in my uniform.”

“I don’t know,” Nelson drawled. “I think you look

very sexy in it.”

He would have made another grab for Ryder, but

Gladys walked in. With red, graying hair that she pulled
into a bun, a permanent scowl on her face, and about
sixty pounds overweight, some of the staff called her
their own Abby Lee Miller.

Nelson knew that couldn’t be further from the truth.

While on the outside, Gladys could look rough,
underneath she had a soft spot for the LGBT medics
and other EMS staff.

She grabbed a doughnut, then stopped to glare at

them. “Since I like you both, I’m going to give you the
same warning. You mess up and break each other’s
hearts, I’ll kick both your asses.”

“Duly noted,” Nelson replied, biting back his smile.
She took a couple of steps toward the door before

she turned around and studied them. “You two are
perfect for each other. Ryder doesn’t have enough
family, while Nelson has way too many. Between the

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two of you, it’ll even things out.”

After the door closed, Ryder let out a laugh. “She is

a trip, but I can’t help but love her.”

“Yeah, me, too. I still know better than to get on her

wrong side, though. I seriously think she means it when
she says she’ll kick my ass.”

* * * *

Ryder wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans as Nelson
led the way up to the front walk of his home. Actually,
calling it home was a kindness, it sounded more like a
zoo. Sure, the front might look innocent enough, with
its siding and dark blue trimming. It even had a family
of stone gnomes frolicking in a flowerbed.

That was all a cover. Ryder knew that because he

could hear some of the conversation going on inside.

“You’re such an ass. You know that, don’t you?”
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t date such assholes.

Then I wouldn’t have to beat them up.”

“Has anybody seen my other shoe? It has to be here.

There’s no way I wouldn’t have noticed it missing on
the drive over here.”

“Says the guy who forgets to put his pants on half

the time.”

“Who says I forget? I just like to make a grand

entrance.”

“Assholes! Assholes! Assholes!” a child’s voice

joined in.

“Damn it, Carl. I told you to watch your mouth

around Maxwell.”

“I am. I haven’t said fuck, fucking or fuck off once

Blamestorming

since I’ve been here.”

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”
“When his teacher calls me, I’m giving her your

number.”

“Only if she’s hot.”
“Will you all be quiet? I’m trying to work on my

essay for my World Civilizations class.”

“Nerd!”
“Yeah, you Nerd!”
“No, mega-Nerd!”
Ryder froze in his tracks, his eyes growing wide.

“That is your family?”

“Yeah.”
“I’ve heard mental wards that were less chaotic.”
For a moment, Ryder thought he might have insulted

his lover, but Nelson just nodded. “Wait until you really
get to know them. They’re on their best behavior
because they know you’re coming over.”

Ryder’s mouth parted in shock. “This is good

behavior?”

“Yeah, you should have been there the one

Thanksgiving when Carl and Tom got into a fist-fight.
They even knocked over the dinner table, which pissed
me off. The turkey had been really good.”

Ryder slowly shook his head. “You’re all

certifiable.”

“Wait until you see us all on a family vacation.

That’s when the real fun starts.”

“I don’t know if I would survive,” Ryder replied,

honestly.

Nelson turned and wrapped his arms around Ryder’s

waist, pulled him in close, and they shared a sensual,

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but brief kiss. Keeping their lips inches apart, Nelson
said, “You can survive anything. Even my family.”

“Okay, but you owe me big time. I want a full-body

massage next time I get off a double shift.”

Nelson let out a humming sound. “Would that

include a happy ending?”

Waltzing away, Ryder shot back, “For me, but I’m

not so sure if you’re getting one.”

Nelson laughed as he gave chase. Once they reached

the front door, Nelson opened it, and they went in.
Taking a deep breath, Ryder took in the clusterfuck that
greeted him. Kids were running all over the place, some
of them with chocolate streaked faces. A few were
crying, and a couple were wrestling in one corner.

“Shouldn’t somebody go break that up?” Ryder

asked, pointing at the combatants.

Nelson gave a dismissive wave of his hand. “They’ll

tire themselves out eventually.”

An older woman came into the room, a bright smile

on her face. “And even if they do get hurt, we now have
a medic and a doctor on hand to treat them.”

“Ryder, this is my mother,” Nelson said.
“Nice to meet you…” Ryder trailed off, not sure

how to address her.

“You better call me Mom,” she exclaimed before she

pulled Ryder into a tight embrace.

She was a little bit on the plump side and smelled

like sugar cookies, so Ryder found himself enjoying the
hug. It’s what he always imagined a true mother’s hug
would feel like. While Mrs. Wilson had always been
kind, she hadn’t been the hugging type, and Ryder
never realized how much he liked it.

Blamestorming

As soon as they broke away, a whole gaggle of

women of various ages took her place, all of them
hugging Ryder. Introductions were made, but Ryder
knew it would take him forever to remember all their
names. Not only were there so many of them, but they
all, both boys and girls, looked like another version of
Nelson, just at different ages.

The last one was a tall, thin man with gray hair.

Looking Ryder up and down, he said, “So you’re the
guy that Nelson’s been talking nonstop about.”

Ryder didn’t know who blushed more at that

comment, him or Nelson.

“You’re killing me here,” Nelson grumbled.
His dad grinned. “This is the first guy you’ve ever

brought home. I’ve gotta have some fun with it.”

Ryder glanced around at the huge group. “Are you

guys Catholic or something?”

“No,” Nelson’s mother replied.
“Does birth control not work for you?”
“It works just fine for us,” she said.
“Then why did you have so many kids?”
As soon as Ryder said that, horror filled him. He

covered his mouth and buried his face into Nelson’s
chest.

Nelson’s dad laughed. “Yeah, he’s going to fit in

just perfectly.”

“I was a huge fan of the movie Cheaper By The

Dozen,” Nelson’s mom replied. “I mean the old black
and white one, not the new one. So, when we got
married, my only demand was that we have twelve
kids, just like the movie.”

“Little did we know what we were getting ourselves

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into,” Nelson’s dad sighed.

Ryder looked up from Nelson’s chest. “I don’t even

want to imagine the diaper bill you guys must have
had.”

There was a brief silence before the whole group

burst out laughing. Ryder let out a sigh of relief. Glad
that he hadn’t blown things completely.

They all went to a large table, and soon Ryder found

himself relaxing. He even joined in the banter. When
one of the girls named Jessie found out that he also was
interested in history, they had a long, detailed
discussion about the topic.

By the time the parents began to gather up their kids

and leave, Ryder was shocked that so much time had
passed. He was also stunned to find that he was sad that
the night was over.

As everybody headed for the front door, Ryder and

Nelson were left alone at the table. Putting an arm
around Ryder, Nelson asked, “So, did you have a good
time?”

Ryder nodded. “They were a bit overwhelming at

first, but once I got used to them, I really liked them.
Even Maxwell and his potty mouth. Do you think they
liked me?”

Nelson placed a kiss on the top of Ryder’s head, a

gesture that Ryder really enjoyed.

“I think they loved you. Jessie already demanded

that you exchange emails.”

“Yeah, she’s going to suggest some really good

documentaries and books to me. I always wanted to go
to school to study history, but I never had the money.”

“Who knows, maybe the time will come soon and

Blamestorming

you’ll be able to go.”

Ryder gave a slight shrug. “I’m not complaining.

Plus, I did promise Jensen that I would try to make a
difference in the world. Being a medic is my way of
doing that.”

“But are you happy doing that?” Nelson prodded.
Ryder squirmed uncomfortable. He felt kind of

guilty and selfish for not wanting to stay in the EMS
field. “Most days, I like it okay. My coworkers are
wonderful, and I love most of my patients. It’s just
some days, I find myself wanting to be in the
classroom, learning about ancient civilizations and
world history. I know it sounds dorky, but I can’t help
it.”

Nelson gave him a soft kiss. “There’s nothing wrong

with wanting a career change.”

Ryder gave another shrug. “It doesn’t matter

anyway. There’s no way I could ever afford all that
tuition. I’m fine where I’m at.”

Yet, the same twinge of regret hit Ryder as he

wished, not for the first time, that he could have had a
normal childhood and life.

Stephani Hecht

Chapter Six

yder was stuck with a substitute partner for the
day. He took comfort that at least they hadn’t put

him with a loser, and this guy seemed to actually know
what he was doing. Better yet, he actually wanted to
drive the rig, something that Ryder hated, so he was
able to focus on the patients. He even had time to read
some of the books Jessie had sent him.

He was just getting caught up on the politics that led

to WWI when their radio crackled to life, “Alpha 560,
do you copy?”

Picking up the mic, Ryder keyed it, “This is Alpha

560, go ahead.”

“There is a fire with multiple victims and Flint Fire

is asking for your assistance.”

“Copy, what is the location?”
As they read off the address, Ryder felt his veins fill

with ice. He even keyed the mic and said, “Can you
repeat the address?”

Even before they read it off, Ryder knew that he’d

caught it right the first time. A cold sweat broke out
over his body, and he began to tremble.

“Dude, what is it?” Ryder’s partner asked.

Blamestorming

“That’s the home of Mrs. Wilson, my old foster

mom.”

Smacking the dash, Ryder yelled, “Hit it hard. I need

to get there quick.”

Even though the ride was only five minutes, it

seemed to take forever. Ryder tried to text Jensen and
when he got no response, his heart sank further. Since
Jensen was on duty, the silence could very well mean
that he was on the scene of the fire.

Once they pulled up to the house, Ryder let out a

small sound of distress. The home was completely
taken over by flames. Several of the windows bore the
telltale streaks of a Molotov cocktail.

Without even bothering to gather his equipment,

Ryder jumped out of the rig and made a mad dash to the
house, all the while screaming out his foster mother’s
name. Before he could get very far, a pair of strong
arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him back.

“You can’t go in there. Even if you weren’t an

emotional wreck, you don’t have the right equipment,”
Matt yelled in his ear.

“I don’t give a fuck about equipment. I need to go to

her!” Ryder shouted back.

Matt pulled him into an embrace, whether out of

comfort or to restrain him, Ryder wasn’t for sure. “Let
me go! I have to get to her.”

Off to the side, Ryder could see Jensen engaged in a

similar battle with another fireman. Ryder glanced back
at the house, his breath catching in his chest. Right at
that moment, Mrs. Wilson could need him and they
were holding him back.

Matt turned to Ryder’s sub. “Hey, newbie. What’s

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your name?”

“Wesley, sir.”
“I want you to drive Ryder and Jensen to St.

Michael’s ER.”

When Ryder started to argue, Matt gave him a good

shake. “You don’t want to see what’s in there, trust
me.”

“Is it really that bad?” Ryder rasped.
“We’ve already found a couple of bodies. They think

they have Mrs. Wilson out, but it doesn’t look good,
kid.”

“But, if I leave, who will take care of her?”
“I will, and I promise to treat her like my own

mother,” Matt promised. “Go on, now. They’re
extracting her now, so we’ll probably reach the ER at
the same time.”

Turning away was the hardest thing Ryder had ever

done, but he knew Matt was right. Ryder and Jensen
were too emotionally involved to do any good. Going
over to the rig, Ryder climbed in the back so he could
sit by Jensen when he came in.

A few seconds later, Jensen joined him, his face

streaked with ash and soot. Wesley made good time to
the hospital. The entire ride there, neither Ryder nor
Jensen talked, they just held hands.

* * * *

Nelson’s shift was almost over when the alarm came
over the loudspeaker, announcing that a trauma one was
on its way. Letting out a small moan because Nelson
realized he wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon, he turned

Blamestorming

around and raced to the main trauma bay.

As he rushed into the room, he added to the large

group of staff who were bustling around to get
prepared. Nelson began to bark out some orders as he
gowned up and slapped on some gloves. They’d just
finished preparations when James and Matt rolled in the
gurney. James was braced against the cot, doing chest
compressions, and Matt was already yelling out the
patient’s information.

Nelson glanced down at the cot and his stomach

churned as he saw how badly burned the elderly woman
was. Most of her facial features were gone, and all of
her clothes had melted away.

Confused and a bit pissed, Nelson was about to ask

why they hadn’t just called it out in the field and saved
the woman some pain.

Matt said, “Her name is Melvina Wilson.”
“As in Ryder’s Mrs. Wilson?” Nelson asked, his

throat growing tight.

At that same moment, Jensen and Ryder walked in.

They moved over to the corner to stay out of the way,
but the anguish on their faces nearly made Nelson
break.

It was then that he realized that the entire room had

gone silent as they looked at him for support. Nelson
knew they had no business working the code. Any more
than he had of running it, not when he had such a deep
personal connection to Ryder. But there was nobody
else to run it. The hospital was short staffed that night,
and Nelson was the only doctor there who had the
proper training.

Then he took one more glance at Jensen and Ryder

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and Nelson realized he had no choice. They all knew
the code would be useless since there was no way Mrs.
Wilson could come back from wounds that severe, yet
Ryder needed to know that they’d done everything
possible to save his foster mother.

“I need at least two large-bore IVs going high flow.

Make sure we get a foil blanket to cover her, and I need
somebody to start cut down. In the meanwhile, the rest
of us need to work this code like it was any other. I’ll
start intubation, while Lucas gets her hooked up to the
monitor.”

They rushed to follow his orders, and Nelson could

have kissed them all. Not one of them complained or
pointed out the obvious. Since they considered Jensen
and Ryder to be part of the family, they were going to
do their best to help.

Nelson got out the intubation kit and used the blade

to look down the woman’s throat. He let out a silent
curse when he saw it was soot-covered and swelled
nearly closed. Nelson was about to yell for a trach kit,
but Lucas already had one out and ready.

After Nelson was able to get the trach inserted into

her neck, he let out a sigh of relief. Lucas hooked up the
bag and began to do respirations, while Nelson began
compressions. She was flat line, but shocking her was
out of the question.

Time began to blur as Nelson yelled out for various

meds and continued to do compressions. When his back
and arms began to burn, he didn’t stop. Even when the
woman’s frail ribs broke and her cardiac rhythm didn’t
change, Nelson refused to relent.

“Stop,” a soft voice ordered.

Blamestorming

Glancing over, Nelson realized it had come from

Ryder.

Ryder added, “We all know it’s useless. You guys

did all you could, and we love you for that. But she’s
not coming back.”

“Are you sure?” Nelson asked.
Jensen nodded. “She would have wanted to have

some dignity left.”

Pulling his hands off her chest, Ryder looked up at

the clock. “Mark time of death, twenty-two hundred
hours.”

They began to clean up, but Ryder interrupted again.

“Can we have a few moments with her?”

Gladys hesitated, her eyes full of tears. “Are you

sure you don’t want us to clean her up first?”

Ryder shook his head. “That’s okay. We’re used to

seeing people this way.”

When Nelson began to leave, Ryder called out,

“Nelson, please don’t leave me now.”

Even though a mountain of paperwork waited for

him, Nelson didn’t hesitate a second. He rushed over to
Ryder and pulled him into his arms. ‘‘I’m so sorry I
wasn’t able to do more.”

“It’s not your fault,” Ryder breathed, sinking into

Nelson’s embrace.

“No, it was the assholes who torched her house,”

Jensen growled, his voice so full of hate and anger that
Ryder shivered.

“Are you sure it was deliberately set?” Nelson asked.
A bitter smile crossed Jensen’s face. “Yeah, they

have to do an official investigation, but I know a house
that has been bombed when I see it. I just wonder if that

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brother and sister who were so sneaky acting got away
or if they’re among the dead.”

“What brother and sister?” Nelson asked, more

confused than ever.

Ryder snuggled into him before answering, “Mrs.

Wilson always specializes in hard-to-place cases. She
had just taken in a brother and sister who freaked out all
their other foster families.”

“How so?” Nelson rubbed Ryder’s back.
“They were the ones I was telling you about that one

night. I just had a feeling about them. At first sight, they
looked like the perfect, yacht club, Republican brats.
They even had blond hair and blue eyes. It wasn’t until
I looked deeper that I realized something was off. I just
couldn’t figure it out.”

“I’ll bet a million dollars it was Ken and Barbie who

did it,” Jensen snapped.

“We don’t know that for sure yet,” Ryder cautioned.
Jensen gave him an oh-come-on glare. “Yeah, you

play by the rules all you want. As for me, they better
never hope I run into them again.”

With those parting words, Jensen stormed from the

room.

Ryder didn’t seem surprised, he even let out resigned

sigh as he continued to hold onto Nelson. “Sorry about
that. He’s been getting angry a lot lately, and this is just
the cherry on the crap sundae.”

“Is he a danger to you?” Nelson asked, his heart

thundering with fear.

“No, Jensen could never hurt me. But he has been

pulling away from me lately. He’s even talking about
moving in with some guys from the firehouse.”

Blamestorming

“But that would leave you all alone.”
Ryder shrugged. “It was bound to happen sooner or

later. We can’t live together the rest of our lives. That
would be kind of odd as we grew older.”

Nelson guessed that Ryder did have a point there,

but he didn’t like the idea of his medic being alone
while suffering from grief. “Why don’t you stay at my
condo for the next few weeks? Just until you get over
losing Mrs. Wilson?”

Actually, Nelson wouldn’t mind if Ryder moved in

for good, but the time wasn’t right to ask that. After a
moment, Ryder nodded. “I like that idea, thanks.”

Ryder then broke away and walked toward Mrs.

Wilson. Gazing down at the body, he said, “She didn’t
deserve this. Outside of Jensen, she was the only one
who ever loved me.”

I love you! Nelson wanted to yell, but instead he just

stood there and continued to listen to Ryder.

“She was so giving. When I first moved in with her,

I only had one change of clothes. She took me shopping
immediately. It was only to Walmart, but it meant the
world to me. Until then, I had never owned more than
one pair of shoes, let alone jeans. Then as we were
driving home, she told me that she knew I was gay, but
she didn’t give a damn. She said that we all come in
different packages, and nobody should be blamed for
being who they are.”

“She sounds really nice,” Nelson replied, wishing he

could have met her.

“She could be tough at times, too. I only made the

mistake of bringing home a test with a failing grade to
her one time. After that, I knew better, because she

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grounded me for a week. All that time, I was forced to
study extra hours until I brought my grade back up.”

Silence filled the room for a few more minutes,

before Ryder asked, “What kind of monster could do
this to her? She never hurt anybody. In fact, she cared
for me more than my own parents ever did. It wasn’t
just me, either, as she made all her kids feel special.”

They stood there for a moment longer, before Nelson

gently led Ryder from the room. Matt and James were
still there, and they both gave Ryder a hug.

“Have you seen Jensen?” Ryder asked.
James shook his head. “No, he stormed out of here a

few minutes ago.”

“He’s pretty angry about this,” Ryder defended, just

like Nelson knew he would.

“I just hope he calms down soon. He’s not going to

be any good on the job if his mind is a mess,” Matt
said.

“He’s getting close to some of the guys on the fire

department. Maybe they can help him with this,” Ryder
suggested.

After thanking Matt and James, Nelson put his arm

around Ryder and led him to the EMS room. After
getting him a cup of coffee, Nelson promised, “I just
need to finish some paperwork and then we can get out
of here.”

At the same moment Gladys came in. Taking the

seat next to Ryder, she gave a wave to Nelson, “Go
ahead and get your stuff finished. I’ll sit with him.”

Ryder blinked at her. “Are they cleaning her up

now?”

Putting an arm around his shoulders, she said,

Blamestorming

“Lucas is taking real good care of her. They will have
to perform an autopsy. After that, her family can claim
her body for a funeral.”

Ryder nodded, although it was obvious the words

barely registered. Nelson frowned. His medic was
suffering and damned if Nelson knew how to make it
better.

Stephani Hecht

Chapter Seven

yder spent that entire night curled up in Nelson’s
arms. While he didn’t sleep any, Ryder took so

much comfort in knowing that Nelson cared enough to
take care of him during his time of need.

Ryder sent off a few texts to Jensen, who replied that

he was staying with some of his fireman buddies and
that he didn’t know when he’d be home, if ever. Ryder
couldn’t find it in him to get angry at his foster brother.
Since Jensen had an even crappier life than Ryder,
Jensen didn’t take loss well. Even so, Jensen had
offered to temporarily come home if Ryder needed him,
but when Ryder replied back that he was staying with
Nelson, that had seemed to please Jensen.

When the sun began to shine through the windows,

Nelson woke up and stretched. Gazing over at Ryder,
he said, “It’s so good waking up with you in my bed.”

“I like it, too,” Ryder replied.
Caressing Ryder’s hair away from his face, Nelson

asked, “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Okay, thanks to you.”
Ryder meant it, too. “If it hadn’t been for you, I

would have spent all night, curled up in a fetal position,

Blamestorming

having a real emo moment.”

“I’m just glad that I was here for you this time.”

Pressing their lips together for a kiss, Nelson added,
“I’ll be there for you from now on, too.”

“You know what? I’m actually beginning to allow

myself to believe that.”

That was a shocking revelation, too. Outside of

Jensen, Ryder had never been willing to lower his
shields to anyone. Not when he knew how much it hurt
to be rejected. But with Nelson, Ryder somehow knew
that he could let go and trust.

Who am I kidding? I love him, Ryder thought.
He only hoped that someday Nelson might just

return the feelings. After all, he’d already done so much
for Ryder. No guy did that for another man unless there
were some pretty strong feelings involved.

Oblivious to Ryder’s inner debate, Nelson gave him

another kiss, then said, “How about we take a shower,
then have some breakfast? What time do you have to be
in today?”

“I have second shift.”
“So do I. We can have dinner together when we both

get out.”

Ryder sat up. “Not to be boring, but would it be

okay if we just stayed in and had some pizza?”

“Sure, what movie do you want to watch?”
“Cheaper by the Dozen, of course,” Ryder grinned

up at him.

They went in and took a shower before Nelson took

Ryder back to bed.

“We’re going to be late,” Ryder warned, even as he

stretched out on his back.

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“I just need to show how much you mean to me,”

Nelson whispered as he climbed up and pinned Ryder
to the bed.

“I guess we can take breakfast bars with us today,”

Ryder teased.

He reached out for Nelson, but the doctor obviously

had other plans. Pulling away, just enough to dodge
Ryder’s hands, Nelson began to kiss every inch of
Ryder’s front. Nelson started at Ryder’s face, then
slowly kissed his way down to his toes. Once there,
Nelson ordered, “Roll over.”

By that time, Ryder’s mind was so ruled by lust that

he obeyed without protest. He heard the snick of the
lube cap opening before a cool finger was pressed at his
hole. Nelson began to kiss his way up Ryder’s back,
still using the upmost care and tenderness, and even his
fingers were gentle as they stretched Ryder out.

Soon, Ryder was trembling with need, but he didn’t

even have to ask for relief. Nelson grabbed a condom
and ripped the package open. After he rolled it on, he
whispered to Ryder, “If you only knew how much I
love you.”

Ryder gasped but didn’t have a chance to answer

until Nelson had thrust in. Pressing his head back
against Nelson’s chest, Ryder replied, “I love you, too.”

Then Ryder allowed pure joy to overtake him.

Nelson didn’t just care, he actually loved Ryder, despite
all the baggage Ryder brought into their relationship.

Now free to say it, Ryder kept repeating the words as

Nelson made gentle love to him. While they both knew
they didn’t have much time, this moment still seemed
so intimate—so important—so life-changing.

Blamestorming

When they finally came it wasn’t with shouts of

pleasure, but rather soft words of love and endearments.
Ryder felt so complete and happy that he never wanted
to get out of the bed again. He could have easily spent
the rest of his life right there with Nelson.

Even after they finished, they still lay there, neither

one getting up.

“You know nobody would blame you for calling in

sick today,” Nelson finally broke the silence.

Ryder craned his neck to look back at Nelson. “Can

you call in, too?”

Nelson frowned. “I wish I could, but the hospital is

already short staffed as it is.”

“I understand.”
Although Ryder didn’t have to like it. They got out

of bed and cleaned up before getting into their
respective uniforms.

“Do you want me to drive you to work?” Nelson

asked.

Ryder soooo wanted it, since it would give him a

few more minutes with his lover, yet he didn’t want
Nelson to get in trouble for being late. “Are you sure
you have time?”

“Yes, now pack a lunch, and let’s go.”
Ryder ran into the kitchen, making them both

sandwiches, adding some fruit and other snacks. As he
handed the bag over to Nelson, Ryder almost laughed at
the doctor’s confused expression.

“You packed me one, too.”
Ryder nodded. “I’ve had some of the food in the

hospital cafeteria. It should be a crime against humanity
to even serve that junk.”

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Nelson gave him a kiss on the top of his head. “You

treat me so well.”

And I intend to keep doing so, Ryder thought.
As they made the drive to his work, Ryder’s

thoughts kept drifting back to Mrs. Wilson and how
she’d looked the previous night. His chest grew tight as
he realized, yet again, that he’d never get to see her
again. It all seemed so damn unfair.

Nelson reached over and put a hand on Ryder’s

knee. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay? Nobody
would blame you if you needed to take some time off.”

Ryder smiled at his thoughtfulness. “Thanks, but I

think it will help to keep busy. If I just sit at home and
wallow in my misery, I’ll become the boy version of
Adele.”

“That may not be so bad. I think a couple of

Grammys would look great on our mantel.”

Ryder rolled his eyes even as his heart warmed over

the fact that Nelson had said our mantel. Then Ryder
reminded himself not to get overly excited. Sure, they
might have both admitted their love, but that didn’t
mean they were ready to look for matching tuxedos and
a wedding venue. After all, they’d only really known
each other for a couple of months. Once they spent
more time around each other, Nelson might come to his
senses and realize that Ryder wasn’t worth all the
trouble.

As they pulled up to the ambulance bay, Ryder

turned and gave Nelson a quick kiss. “Thanks for the
ride.”

“No, problem. If you want, I can do it every

morning.”

Blamestorming

Ryder tilted his head to the side. “I think I would

really like that.”

After giving one last wave, Ryder made his way into

the bay. When he was met with shocked expressions,
Ryder paused, a little confused, “Is there something
wrong?”

James raised a brow. “No, we just didn’t expect you

to be here today.”

Ryder went over to his rig and tossed in his paper

bag lunch. “It’s not like they give bereavement days for
foster mothers. Besides, it always helps me to keep
busy instead of letting things just stew in my head.
Who’s my partner today?”

Houston raised his hand like he was a kid in

elementary school. “I am.”

“Great.”
While Ryder had loved his sub, it felt good to have

his normal partner back. While he and Houston might
not have worked together long, they still were able to
anticipate each other’s moves, so they worked a scene
well together.

“Do you mind driving today?” Ryder asked. “I have

a book I really want to finish.”

Sharing a confused look with the others, Houston

said, “Sure. I already did inventory and stocked up, so
we can leave right away.”

“Fantastic,” Ryder smiled before he hopped into the

passenger seat.

Ten seconds later, it was opened again as Matt

confronted him. “Hiding away from your emotions
won’t help anything.”

“Maybe not, but right now I’m not ready to deal

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with them. I’ve always been the type to keep them
bottled in, only to explode later on. Usually, it happens
at the funeral, so if you guys show up, you can all
probably witness a crying scene worthy of Sally Field
or Meryl Streep.”

Matt let out a sigh. “Are you at least staying with

somebody?”

“Yeah, Nelson. He’s been taking really good care of

me, too,” Ryder promised.

“Just make sure that you call one of us if you feel

down or overwhelmed.”

Touched at the thought of how much his friends

cared for him, Ryder smiled. “I will, I promise. I’m
actually more worried over Jensen.”

“Word is it that he’s getting really close with some

of his firefighter buddies,” Houston inserted.

Matt’s eyes grew wide. “As in a ménage kind of

way?”

Houston let out a snort. “No! Not everybody has

their mind in the gutter like you do.”

“Who said my mind ever left the gutter? In fact, I

have a time-share in there. I was even thinking about
investing in some mind-gutter stocks.”

“You really are a mess,” Ryder teased.
“Yet, you all love me anyway.” Matt flashed one of

his dazzling grins.

“God help us, but we do,” Houston groused.
Matt gave him the middle finger before pulling back

and shutting the door. Houston returned the gesture
before he turned on the rig and carefully backed out of
the bay.

Picking up the mic, Ryder said, “This is Alpha 560,

Blamestorming

copy?”

Dispatch returned, “This is central.” A long silence

followed before they added, “We’re all sorry to hear
about your foster mother.”

“Thanks,” Ryder cleared his throat. “I just wanted to

let you know that we are in service.”

“Copy, we already have a call for you.”
Houston groaned, “That means we’re going to have

a busy day.”

Ryder silently agreed as he keyed the mic. “Copy, go

ahead with the details.”

“You have a priority one assault. The caller said it

happened on Martin Luther Street in front of MoJoe’s
Party store.”

“Copy. I know exactly where we’re going,” Ryder

replied.

He also knew exactly who the victim would be, too.

Damn it all, when would life be fair for once?

“You think it’s Flat Jack?” Houston asked as he

turned on the lights and sirens.

“Yeah, he’s the only one who hangs out there. Plus,

with him being homeless and bi-polar, it makes him an
easy target.”

Ryder resisted the urge to hit the side of the rig.

Sure, Flat Jack might be homeless, but he was also
sweet. He would never hurt anybody. Yet, some punks
had still thought it okay to rob the older man and roll
him for what little money he might have in his dirty
jeans pocket.

As they pulled up, Ryder let out a sigh of relief when

he saw Jack sitting on the edge of the curb. Although
there appeared to be a bunch of blood, at least the man

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was conscious.

Jack still wore the same overalls that he’d always

worn, although it looked like they now needed a good
cleaning. Jack had somehow lost his hat along the way.
His gray hair was free and flying in the wind.

Getting out, Ryder grabbed his trauma kit and raced

toward the patient. “What happened?”

Jack squinted through the blood covering his face. “I

got beat-up. What do you think happened?”

Ryder paused. It looked like Jack had him there.

“Okay, then. How did it happen?”

“Well, you know Blue?”
“Of course, who doesn’t? There aren’t too many

homeless guys who only wear the color blue.”

Jack sputtered as Ryder began to clean the wound.

“Well, he wanted my overalls because they’re….well,
blue. When I said no, he done went crazy and attacked
me.”

Ryder paused. “That doesn’t seem like Blue. He’s

usually pretty laid back.”

“I don’t know for sure, but I think he got him some

of those bath salts.” Jack’s eyes grew wide. “I’m lucky
he didn’t try to eat me or something.”

Reaching out, Ryder pulled up the man’s overly thin

arm. “Probably because there’s nothing here to eat. You
need to stop spending all your money on cheap booze
and get yourself a decent meal once in a while. Why
don’t you go to the homeless shelter?”

Jack crossed his arms over his chest. “The last time I

went there, they kicked me out for lifting all the ladies’
skirts. I’ve decided if they’re going to be such prudes, I
don’t need to give them my business. They’ll be sorry

Blamestorming

not to see my money anymore.”

Ryder wanted to point out that since the shelter was

free, they never saw any of Jack’s money anyway, but
he decided to save his breath.

“Are you ready to go to the hospital?” Houston

asked.

When Jack started to argue, Ryder sang out, “They

have chocolate pudding there today.”

Jack perked right up. “Really? Why didn’t you say

so sooner?”

He then got up and nearly ran to the back of their rig,

jumping onto their clean cot. Remembering all the mud
and alley muck that had been stuck to the man’s pants,
Ryder called, “I’ve got paperwork, you have cleanup
duty.”

Houston let out a growl. “Remind me again why I

don’t put in a request for a new partner?”

“Because I’ve never made fun of you or your

brother,” Ryder said before he, too, got into the
ambulance.

On the drive over to the hospital, Ryder did his best

to clean up Jack and bandage up the wounds. “Houston
is going to have Flint PD meet us at the ER.”

“What for?” Jack demanded.
“You look like you went two rounds with Rocky and

Apollo. You need to file a complaint, so they can go out
and find Blue.”

Jack shook his head. “I could never do that. Blue is

my best friend.”

“That’s why you have to tell them. We both know

that this is something Blue would never do. That is
unless he’s sick again.”

Stephani Hecht

By sick, Ryder meant another psychotic break.

During the previous one, Blue had tried to kill himself
by jumping off a highway overpass.

Jack screwed up his battered face. “I don’t want

them to put him away in some hospital again. The last
time, he was there almost a month.”

Ryder patted him on the leg. “I know you don’t want

to, but they need to get him back on his meds before he
hurts himself or somebody else. If you file a police
report, they will have no choice but to go looking for
him.”

“Who cares about a couple of homeless, drunk old

men?”

“I do,” Ryder replied softly.
There were a few moments of silence before Jack

nodded. “Fine, I’ll do it, but only because you think it
will help.”

“Thanks.”
Jack sniffed, then said, “I heard about your foster

mother. I’m really sorry that happened. I know how
much you liked her.”

Trying to hide his emotions, Ryder gave Jack’s leg

another pat. “Thanks. She did mean a ton to me. I’m
really going to miss her.”

Blamestorming

Chapter Eight

yder stared at Jensen, who was seated all the way
on the other side of the funeral home. While

Jensen was surrounded by his group of firemen, he still
looked so sad and alone.

Raising his hand, Ryder waved, but all he got was a

curt nod in return. Disheartened, Ryder slumped back in
his seat and began to fiddle with a loose thread on his
black dress shirt.

“Give him time. I’m sure he’ll come around,”

Nelson assured him.

While Ryder wanted to believe that, he still felt as if

he’d lost his best friend for good. Letting out a shaky
sigh, Ryder sagged slightly against Nelson’s side. “I
can’t believe more people didn’t show up. Not even her
birth kids are here. If it weren’t for donations from the
EMS community, Mrs. Wilson wouldn’t have even had
a proper burial.”

“Maybe more will show up. There are still five

minutes before the service begins.”

Ryder highly doubted that, but he kept silent.
In a couple of moments, he heard them. They were

still outside, but already they sounded like the raging

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charge of a thousand buffalos. They even had the kids
with them, some of which were crying and one who
was swearing like a sailor.

Even though he already knew the truth, Ryder

grabbed Nelson’s hand. “Is that your family?”

“No, it’s our family,” Nelson answered with the

fakest innocent smile in creation.

Ryder looked around for a getaway, but it was

already too late. Every member of Nelson’s family
came in and surrounded them, taking up what had once
been a sea of empty chairs.

Jessie took the chair on the other side of Ryder and

grabbed his hand. Putting her head on his shoulder, she
whispered, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Then Ryder remembered how supportive and nice

Nelson’s family was. He also remembered how much
he liked them. Most of all he noticed that Mrs. Wilson’s
funeral now looked as if it had a good turnout.

Glancing at all of them, Ryder said, “Thank you for

coming.”

Nelson’s mother smiled. “Of course we’re going to

be here for you, baby. You’re one of us now.”

“But you only met me once,” Ryder protested.
“True, but I have a feeling that we’re going to be

seeing each other a lot more in the future,” she
countered with a sly grin.

By that time, the service had begun, so Ryder

couldn’t interrogate her on what she’d meant by that
comment. Sure, he and Nelson had admitted their love
for one another, but they’d both agreed to keep it low-
key for a while. There were still a ton of issues to deal
with first. Getting Mrs. Wilson laid to rest, figuring out

Blamestorming

if Ryder was going to move in with Nelson
permanently, plus figuring out what in the hell was
going on with Jensen.

Ryder glanced over at his brother, wondering what

in the hell was the cause for the one hundred eighty
degree turn in his behavior. Sure, the death of Mrs.
Wilson had been awful. But then, Ryder had loved her
just as much, and he wasn’t acting all weird about it.
Ryder was in mourning, too, but he hadn’t lashed out at
those closest to him.

Jensen glanced back over, and for a moment Ryder

could have sworn he saw guilt in his brother’s gaze, but
Jensen quickly glanced away. Ryder yearned to get up
and confront Jensen, but since the service was still
continuing, he couldn’t very well do that. So instead, he
soaked up the comfort Julie and Nelson were offering.

Once the service was over, it was time for the

graveside ceremony. Ryder sprang to his feet, desperate
to get to Jensen, but the other man had already left with
his friends.

Truthfully, it would have been hard for Ryder to get

away from the mass of people around him. Nelson’s
family surrounded Ryder, like a blond version of the
Secret Service and escorted Ryder to the car.

“We’ll meet you at the cemetery,” Nelson’s father

said.

“You guys don’t have to do that,” Ryder replied

softly, even though he really did want them there.

Jessie climbed into Nelson’s backseat, making

herself right at home. “Too bad. You’re stuck with us
all day. On the good side, I found an awesome series,
Nazi Collaborators on The Military Channel. We can

Stephani Hecht

watch it together. Plus, Mom made dinner for later.”

Ryder actually managed to find a smile. “That

sounds great.”

They joined the long procession leading to the

cemetery. The car was silent until Jessie spoke up, “I’m
sure he has a good reason.”

“Who? Jensen?” Ryder asked with a heavy sigh.
“Yes, I can still tell he cares about you. He had such

a sad look in his eyes every time he glanced your way.”

“Then why is he being such a shit to me?”
“Maybe, that’s his way of handling loss,” Nelson

suggested.

Ryder shook his head. “I don’t buy it. Not with all

we’ve been through.”

“Then maybe he’s jealous of you and Nelson,” Jessie

suggested.

“That still doesn’t make sense. He’s been pushing

me away for a while now, at the same time getting
cozier with his buddies from the firehouse. I asked
around about them, too, and from what I hear they all
consider themselves to be vigilantes or something.”

Nelson shook his head. “With the way Jensen

reacted the day Mrs. Wilson died, that’s the last kind of
influence he needs.”

“But why does he seem so angry with me?” Ryder

threw his hands up into the air.

“Because, he knows that you won’t approve, so he

sees you as the moral police right now,” Nelson replied.

“That’s not fair! Not after we’ve been so close for so

long.”

Jessie leaned forward and gave Ryder’s shoulder a

squeeze. “Yeah, but you’re not alone anymore, and he

Blamestorming

knows that. You have Nelson for support, so Jensen
feels that gives him full right to walk away and do his
own thing.”

That still didn’t make Ryder feel better at the pain

over losing yet another important person in his life. He
also felt a large dose of anger, too. How dare Jensen
just go and change the rules just because Ryder had
Nelson? It was a rotten thing to do, and Ryder vowed
that he was going to yell that in Jensen’s face the first
chance he had. Ryder was sick and tired of people just
throwing him to the side when they were done with
him. Damn it, this time Ryder wasn’t going to take it in
stride. A burning need to fight back slithered through
his chest, and, this time, instead of feeling like a victim,
Ryder felt good and pissed.

He kept his anger at bay during the graveside

service, but as soon as it was over and the crowd
dispersed, Ryder took off after Jensen. “Hey, wait up. I
want to talk to you.”

At first Jensen ignored him, so Ryder picked up a

clump of grass and threw it. The mess hit Jensen in the
back of the head. Spinning around, he glared angrily at
Ryder. “What the hell?”

“What else did you expect me to do? Since you

won’t talk to me, I have to resort to childish ways to get
your attention.”

“Don’t let your high-class doctor see you doing that.

He may trade you in for a new model.”

The comment hurt, just like Jensen no doubt

intended it to, since it hit so close to Ryder’s old
insecurities. Ryder even took a step away and
considered backing off, but his anger wouldn’t allow it.

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“No, I’m not letting you push me away this time,”

Ryder snapped. “At least not until you tell me what in
the hell is going on.”

“Why does it matter to you?”
“Because we’re brothers and I care for you, you

stupid asshole.”

Jensen spoke quietly to his companions and they

soon walked away, leaving Ryder and Jensen alone.
Jensen paced a couple of times before he finally said, “I
still care about you, too. That’s why I don’t want you to
get dragged down with me.”

“With what? We both loved Mrs. Wilson if that’s

what you’re talking about.”

“It’s not that…well, not completely.”
Feeling a cold hand a fear clutching at his gut, Ryder

demanded in a hard voice, “Just what in the hell are you
talking about? No bullshit, either. You owe me at least
that much.”

Jensen took several breaths, and, for a moment,

Ryder feared that his brother would just turn around
and walk away.

“You would just get mad if I told you,” Jensen said.
“Why don’t you give it a try? I’m already pissed off

as it is.”

“There are some of us EMS workers who are sick of

the way things are going in Flint.”

Since he already had some inkling about what

Jensen meant, Ryder’s gut clenched in fear. “There’s a
lot of us who are pissed off over the way things are
going with the city, why are you guys any different?”

“We plan on doing something about it.”
“We all are doing something about it already. Every

Blamestorming

day we put on our uniforms and go into work, we make
a difference.”

“It’s not enough,” Jensen snapped angrily. “Look at

the way things are going. There are still budget cuts
galore, making us have to work with less and less
manpower. The city is in financial ruin, making it easier
for those in office to ignore crime. Hell, Flint has the
highest murder rate in the country, yet nobody seems to
give a damn. So, if they won’t do something to stop it,
then we will.”

“What are you talking about—vigilante justice or

something?”

Jensen spun on him. “That’s exactly what we’re

planning on. I appreciate PD, but they don’t have
enough manpower to make any real difference. So,
we’re going to help them out a bit.”

Floored, Ryder shook his head. “You do that, you

can be hurt or even arrested.”

Jensen snorted. “So what? It’s not like anybody is

going to miss me.”

“I would,” Ryder replied in a trembling voice.
“It’s not enough—not anymore. I love you like a

brother, but I need more than that.”

Ouch! Talk about pouring lemon juice on an already

aching wound. Thinking back to the conversation he’d
had on the ride over, Ryder asked, “Are you mad
because I’m with Nelson?”

Jensen gave him a smile, and, for a moment, Ryder

saw a glimpse of his old friend. The one who rented bad
movies with him, watched his back when the bigger
kids tried to pick on him. Ryder also saw sadness, the
kind that lingered every birthday that went by and

Stephani Hecht

Jensen received nothing from his mother, not even a
simple card. The same kind that was there every
Christmas when the only gift he got was from Ryder.

Ryder wanted to yell that he understood that hurt,

since he himself had gone through it. Sure, Jensen’s
mother might be a drug dealer, but at least he knew who
she was. As far as Ryder knew, his parents could be
dead or in prison somewhere.

Then Ryder recalled all the love he now received

from the Nelson’s family, and he understood how much
it must hurt Jensen to stand on the sidelines and not be a
part of it.

Reaching out, Ryder grabbed Jensen’s hand. “Why

don’t you come with us now? Nelson’s mother made
dinner, and I’m sure they’d love to have you there.
Once you get used to all the chaos, they really are a
good family.”

Jensen pulled his hand away. “That’s where you

belong now. I have somewhere else that I’m needed.”

Ryder threw his hands up in disgust. “Where?

Playing superhero and getting yourself killed? That’s
what’s going to happen. We both know that there are
some really bad people in Flint. Fireman or not, they
won’t hesitate to take you out.”

“It’s not enough,” Jensen whispered.
“I don’t understand.”
“Remember that day I made a vow to make a

difference?”

“Of course I remember, that vow has been ruling my

damn life since we made it.”

Ryder immediately felt bad for letting that last tidbit

out. Really, it wasn’t Jensen’s fault that the vow was

Blamestorming

one of the reasons why Ryder had felt forced to take his
life in only one direction.

“I’m still not doing enough,” Jensen replied.
“How can you even say that? You go in and fight

fires every day.”

“Yet, I still wasn’t able to save her.”
Ryder paused, his heart breaking a bit at those

words. “There was nothing you could do. The house
went up so fast that there was no hope of rescuing her.”

“Maybe not, but I can make sure it never happens

again. This is the best way possible.”

Ryder nipped at his bottom lip. “There’s nothing I

can say to talk you out of this. Is there?”

Jensen shook his head. “No, and since we’re getting

everything out in the open, you should know I’m
moving out next week. Since the lease is on a month-to-
month basis, there shouldn’t be a problem with us both
moving out. You’ve been spending so much time at
Nelson’s, it’s an easy guess that you’re going to
eventually end up living there.”

“Who are you moving in with?” Ryder demanded.
“Just some other fireman,” Jensen said, using his

usual story.

Only this time, Ryder didn’t buy it. “No, you’re not.

You’re going to live with them. The ones who talked
you into this stupid scheme in the first place.”

Jensen’s eyes grew dark with fury. “Who are you to

judge? At least we’re doing something. All you do is
stay at Nelson’s nice house and let him take care of
you. If anybody should be ashamed here, it’s you.”

After delivering those hateful words, Jensen spun

around and left. Ryder stood there for several moments,

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too stunned and hurt to do anything else. It wasn’t until
Nelson came over and wrapped his arms around Ryder
that the world seemed to come back into focus.

“Are you okay?” Nelson asked.
“Only because of you. Otherwise I would be more

alone than ever,” Ryder replied, his heart breaking.

Blamestorming

Chapter Nine

everal days after the funeral, Nelson was in his
mother’s kitchen, helping her with dinner, when

Jessie came up and gave him a backward hug.

“So how are things going with Jensen and Ryder?”

she asked.

Nelson looked through the window into the

backyard. Ryder was playing with the kids. Or rather,
Ryder was sitting there and letting them climb all over
him. He still seemed to be having a blast. His laughter
carried into the kitchen. He didn’t even stop when
Maxwell accidently kneed him in the nuts.

“Ryder still hasn’t heard from him. Not even when

he sent Jensen a text saying that we were now living
together,” Nelson replied, not bothering to hide his
anger.

“Give him time. I have a feeling Jensen will come

around. There has to be a lot of good in him, or else
Ryder wouldn’t have been so close to him.”

“I hope for Ryder’s sake that you’re right.”
Jessie rested her chin on Nelson’s shoulder. “So,

have you told him what this dinner really is for?”

Nelson smiled. “No, he doesn’t even think I know

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it’s his birthday, let alone the rest of the family.”

“He’s going to be in for a real shock when we start

bringing out the presents,” Jessie predicted.

“I just hope it doesn’t overwhelm him.”
“I think he’s going to handle it just fine.”
Nelson looked over his shoulder at Jessie. “You

should know, since you’re his best friend.”

Jessie laughed. “Wait until he sees what I bought

him. The DVDs of the Civil War Diaries.”

“Good god. You really are a nerd, and you’ve made

Ryder one, too.”

She walked away and began to carefully take the

cake out of the box. “Surprise, he’s always been a nerd.
He just hid it better. Are you going to share what you
bought him?”

Even his mother leaned forward with interest, but

Nelson shook his head. “You get to find out with
everybody else. I will warn you that it’s going to be
pretty sappy.”

His mother put her hand on her chest. “I can’t wait.”
That was no surprise since his mother thrived on

drama. They always joked that she should get into the
soap opera business.

She clapped her hands together. “Well, I think

everything is ready. I’ll go call everybody to the table.”

Nelson positioned himself by the door, so he could

have a good view of Ryder’s face when he first walked
in.

The family began barreling in, all of them vying for

seats at the longest table since the one at The Last
Supper. As usual Ryder came in last. He was smiling,
but he froze as he saw the large pile of gifts in the

Blamestorming

middle of the table.

“What’s going on?” Ryder asked in a small voice.
When the family yelled, “Happy Birthday!” Nelson

cringed a bit. Even he had to admit it came off a bit like
the Waltons. All that was missing was the sappy music
and the Goodnight montage.

Ryder’s mouth parted in shock as he turned to face

Nelson. “How did you know about this?”

“Gladys let it slip the other week,” Nelson admitted.
Actually, the nurse had told him not to forget

Ryder’s birthday, or she would put her foot up Nelson’s
ass so far he would taste rubber for a month. While the
wording might have been a bit rough, Nelson was still
glad she’d let him know.

Maxwell grabbed Ryder’s hand and led him to the

center chair. “You have to sit here, Uncle Ryder.”

“Why?” Ryder asked, even as he began to follow.
“Because that’s the rules. The birthday boy always

gets the best seat.”

Once Ryder was seated, Jessie put a ridiculous party

hat on him. Looking at Nelson, Ryder mouthed, Help!

But it was already too late, the rest of the family sat

down and began to hand him gifts. While most people
waited until after the cake, their family never could
wait. So, it’d become tradition to do presents first.

Ryder opened them all, his eyes growing wider with

each show of love. He even had to clear his throat a few
times when he unwrapped Jessie’s gift. “Thanks. I love
it,” Ryder said as he all but devoured the DVDs with
his gaze.

Nelson purposely saved his gifts for last. Once it was

time, he handed the first one, an envelope, to Ryder.

Stephani Hecht

Opening it, Ryder’s brows creased in confusion, “What
is it?”

“It’s application papers to Baker College. Since

they’re a community college, it will be easier for you to
get in with your GED instead of a regular diploma,”
Nelson explained.

Ryder shook his head. “But, how? I have to work,

and I don’t have the money for tuition.”

“I want to pay for it.” When Ryder began to object,

Nelson held up a hand, “It’s not taking advantage of
me. It’s a birthday gift, pure and simple.”

“But what about work?” Ryder protested.
“You can go down to part time.”
If Nelson had his way, Ryder wouldn’t have to work

at all, but he realized Ryder’s pride wouldn’t allow for
it.

Still caressing the papers, Ryder asked, “Do you

think I’m smart enough for college?”

“I know you are,” Jessie cut in. “You manage to

keep up with me, no matter how deep the conversation
goes. Plus, most of the books that you’ve been
devouring are upper college level.”

Nelson leaned forward, his gut tight with

anticipation. “So, what about it?”

Ryder gave him the biggest of smiles. “Yeah, I will.”
Nelson straightened and gave him a tight hug. Since

he was already by Ryder’s side, he took the next gift
out. It was a small black box. Dropping down to one
knee, Nelson opened it, displaying a ring. It was pretty
simple, just a silver band with a rainbow running
through the center of it. As soon as Nelson had seen it,
he’d known it would be perfect for Ryder.

Blamestorming

Narrowing his eyes, Ryder said in a quavering voice,

“What are you doing?”

“I’m asking you to marry me,” Nelson replied, his

heart hammering with the fear of getting a big, fat no.

“But same-sex marriage isn’t legal in Michigan,”

Ryder replied.

Nelson’s mother spoke up. “No problem. I already

found the perfect place in Chicago. You guys could do
it there.”

Glancing up from the ring, Ryder asked, “Are you

sure?”

Nelson forced a smile on his face. “I’ve never been

more certain of anything in my life.”

“Yes, but only on one condition,” Ryder said.
“Anything,” Nelson replied.
The whole family seemed to hold their breath as they

waited for Ryder to talk again.

“You have to let me get you a ring, too,” Ryder

demanded.

Holding back a whoop of joy, Nelson said, “Deal.”
“Then, yes. I will marry you.”
Nelson stood, then picked up Ryder so he could

wrap him in a tight embrace. The whole family broke
out in applause and cheers, but this time Nelson didn’t
care how sappy they were. All that mattered was that
Ryder had agreed, and they would be spending the rest
of their lives together.

Once everybody had settled down again, Ryder eyed

up one last envelope Nelson had. “What’s that? If it’s
adoption papers, I hate to tell you that I’m sooooo not
ready for that step yet.”

Nelson shook his head. “No, it’s a report from the PI

Stephani Hecht

I hired to find your parents.”

Ryder’s eyes grew huge. “You hired somebody to

locate my parents? Why?”

“I thought you might like to finally know who they

are and why they left you.”

“Oh,” Ryder replied in a dull tone.
Panicked, Nelson asked, “Did I overstep my

boundaries? I know I should have probably asked you
first, but I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“No, you’re fine.” Ryder grabbed Nelson’s hand, but

kept his gaze fixated on the envelope. “Did he find
them?”

“Yes, do you want to open it?”
Ryder studied the envelope for a few more moments,

before he raised his head and swept his gaze over the
table. Shaking his head, Ryder said, “While I appreciate
you doing that for me, I don’t need to know anymore.”

“Why not?” Nelson asked.
Smiling at him, Ryder said, “Because my family is

here and that’s all I will ever need.”

Filled with happiness, Nelson gave him a kiss. “And

we’ll always be here for you, too.”

Breaking the kiss, Ryder had an expression of pure

contentment on his face. “Of course you will be. I know
where you all live. I’ll just hunt you down and demand
that you take me back.”

Nelson opened his mouth to say that would never

happen, when he caught the teasing glint in Ryder’s
eyes. Cupping Ryder’s face, Nelson said, “You can be a
real brat at times, you know that, right?”

Looking completely innocent, Ryder shot back, “But

that’s one of the things you love about me.”

Blamestorming

“Yes, I love you for that and for so many other

things.”

As he kissed Ryder, Nelson knew that against all

odds they’d finally found happiness with each other.
They would make it through anything the future held,
too, because now he knew they could lean on one
another for support. And in the end, who could ask for
more?

About the Author

Stephani Hecht is a happily married mother of two.
Born and raised in Michigan, she loves all things about
the state, from the frigid winters to the Detroit Red
Wings hockey team. You can usually find her snuggled
up to her laptop, creating her next book.

Contact her at:
Email Address:archangelwriter@yahoo.com

Twitter:
http://twitter.com/StephaniHecht

FaceBook:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profil&id=1
109353859

MySpace:
http://www.myspace.com/stephanihecht

Blog:
http://stephanihechtauthor.blogspot.com

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