Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 1
Chapter One
Your Gravest Words
All these words trip over cracks in the sidewalks.
Uptown, one year.
I'm distantly distressed.
I'm finally coming close to ghost.
I'm dancing on your gravest words
I'm toasting all the coldest stares.
All the loneliest of eyes.
I am a satellite never getting signals right.
You are a constellation.
I can barely make you out tonight.
The city lights are burning too bright.
I cut and paste these sections of maps into my days.
Sunspots.
Almost feverish.
Can you feel me shivering?
I'm finally breaking out of orbit.
I'm clinging to your finest words.
I'm draining all the angry glares.
All that's building up inside.
And the dreamers...
Walk slowly through the crowds, nothing can stop us now.
“Charlie, this is not denial. This is the truth. I. Do. Not. Have. A. Problem. So get
over this little idea, because there’s no way in hell I’m going!”
I’d never spoken to Charlie that way before, and I could tell by the shocked look
on his face that no one ever had. As a cop, you’d think he’d be used to people
mouthing off to him.
But then again, he is a cop in Forks. Enough said.
“Isabella Marie Swan, you will NOT speak to your father like that. I don’t know
what else to do with you. You’re going. The appointment is in an hour, so you’d
better get going.”
I just shrugged, figuring I could pretend to go and then really head to the movies
or something. But Charlie knew me too well.
“Oh, and Bella? I’m driving.”
Yeah…there went that plan. Ugh, I knew I shouldn’t have come home last night. I
could have easily told Charlie I was sleeping over at Angela’s for the weekend.
At least until the swelling went down.
Jacob was usually pretty smart about hitting me in places where no one could see
the damage. But I had pissed him off too bad this time by responding to an
innocent question about homework that Mike Newton asked me in the parking lot.
I’d never seen Jake lose it like that. He started in on me right there in the car,
not even waiting until we got to his house.
Since I hadn’t been eating properly for a while, and my skin was so pale, the
bruises stayed longer than they should have; thus, Charlie saw them.
I tried to play it off like my normal clumsiness was to blame, but I’ve always been
a terrible liar.
Plus, how could I have possibly fallen in such a way that I had two black eyes and
a split lip bad enough to need seven stitches? Jake was gonna kill me when he
found out Charlie knew.
That is, if Charlie didn’t kill Jake first. When he figured out what was going on,
I’ve never seen Charlie’s face so purple. It was pretty hilarious.
Anyways, Charlie decided I needed help. He said, and I quote, “You need help
Bells. I’ve never seen you so depressed. You never eat, and you have this
attitude. I’m taking you to group therapy.”
He claimed that I’m in denial about my “abusive relationship” and that I’m
“unhealthily thin”. Apparently, the fact that he should mind his own damn
business never occurred to him.
So that’s how I ended up at group therapy, sitting in a circle, discussing my
feelings. Like I give a damn about these other kids’ problems.
Honestly.
There’s six of us altogether in the circle, with our group leader Miranda sitting in
the middle directing the discussion.
The kid directly across from me looks like he could eat me whole. He’s huge, with
these unnatural muscles protruding out of his shirt. The vein in his neck sticks
out, even when he’s just sitting there.
I think his name’s Emmett, and I’m deathly afraid of him. If Jacob could do this
much damage, I can’t even imagine what someone his size could do to me.
There are two girls on either side of me. One is teeny tiny, with short black hair
and nice designer clothes. Her leg is shaking up and down and her eyes keep
darting around like she’s too hyper to sit still.
In this high, squeaky little voice, she proudly proclaims that her name is Alice.
Like we should all applaud her or something.
The other girl, Rosalie, looks like a swimsuit model. She also looks like she’s cried
every day of her life. I kind of just want to hug her, but her cold blue eyes keep
me at a distance.
Then there’s this tall blonde guy that has the reddest eyes I’ve ever seen. He’s all
disheveled and his clothes are wrinkled, like he slept in them and just woke up.
I think his name’s Jasper, and I think he’s extremely hung over.
The last guy is gorgeous, and I could never forget his name. It’s Edward.
He has this messy bronze hair that’s swept over his forehead and emerald eyes
that glare out from under his perfectly arched brows. He spends an inordinate
amount of time examining his scuffed motorcycle boots, like if he stares long
enough he can pretend that he’s anywhere but here.
I can tell he’s filthy rich, because even though the boots are scuffed, they look
seriously expensive. Between the boots, his heavy leather jacket, and the shiny
silver Volvo I saw him drive up in…yeah, I’d say he comes from money.
When he introduces himself, I want to roll my eyes and scoff out loud, because
he is a complete and total tool.
I haven’t ever called anyone a tool before.
I’m pretty sure no one calls anyone a tool anymore, but whatever. It just
perfectly describes him.
He spits out in this deep voice, “I’m Edward.” Then he looks up at me, Rosalie,
and Alice and says, “And no, I don’t want to go out sometime.” Ugh, like the
three of us were openly drooling over him or something.
Well, maybe I was, but that’s beside the point. Who even says something like
that to people he’s never met?
He’s unbelievably arrogant and has that whole “my rich parents don’t pay enough
attention to me, so I cause trouble to get attention” thing going on. I don’t feel
sorry for him one bit.
His smirk simultaneously makes me want to punch him and kiss him senseless.
This whole group therapy thing is going to be…interesting.
Playlist: The Lawrence Arms- Your Gravest Words, Red- Pieces, Muse- Shrinking
Universe, Wayne- Slow Down
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 2
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/2/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hey guys, sorry I forgot to put an Author’s Note in the first chapter. This is my
first FanFic, and I’m pretty much grateful for any feedback at all. So please
review! Also, I forgot to put a Disclaimer (like I said, it’s my first time doing this
and I’m still getting the hang of it) so here it is:
Disclaimer: Me No Own. Stephenie Meyer owns these characters, but I do own
Miranda.
Chapter Two
Handcuffs
I'd arrest you if I had handcuffs
I'd arrest you if I had the time
I'd throw you down in the back seat
As if you'd committed a terrible crime
I'd break in a town's worth of houses
And rob whole families blind
I'd do it to you like you’d do it to me
If you knew you would get away fine
I'd drown all these crying babies
If I knew that their mothers wouldn't cry
I'd hold them down and I'd squeeze real soft
And let a piece of myself die
It's hard to be the better man
When you forget you're trying
It's hard to be the better man
I'd arrest you if I had handcuffs
I'd arrest you if I had time
I'd wait for you outside the courtroom
And taunt you when all your appeals were declined
I'd drive my car off of the bridge
If I knew that you weren't inside
Put the pedal to the floor who could ask for a more
fantastic way to kill some time
You could lay on your back and be beaten
You could put up your fists and fight
You could try and be way up
Way up way up way up
Way up way up way up
Way up
It's hard be the better man
When you forget you're trying
It's hard to be the better man
When you're still lying
It's hard to be the better man
When you forget you're trying
It's hard to be the better man
When you're still lying
You're still lying
The next week, Miranda asks us to go around and tell everyone the reason we’re
here. Emmett starts, with a big grin on his face.
“Let’s see…why am I heeeeere…well, I used to work out every day after school.
But I never got the kind of muscles I’d been aiming for, no matter how long I was
at the gym, or how much I was lifting. So I got into steroids.”
“But they weren’t doing enough either, so I got into the heavy duty roids, which
happen to be illegal. Who knew? I sure as hell didn’t. But then, when my parents
found out and tried to get me off ‘em, I kinda went off into what they call ‘roid
rage’ and destroyed my dad’s big screen TV and my mom’s most expensive
furniture. Next thing I knew, I was in here for my ‘anger issues’. Load of crap, if
you ask me.”
After that splendid explanation, Miranda turns to Alice, who is practically falling
out of her chair because she’s waving her hand so much.
She obviously wants to go next, so without Miranda really telling her to, Alice just
launches into her story, like it’s the greatest thing we’ll ever hear.
“Well, I made friends with these girls at my old school, because they loved to
shop as much as me! So we would go shopping all the time! Then, we would go
to parties and have lots of fun.”
“But one night I was kinda bored, so one of my friends and I took some pills her
boyfriend had given her. And they were so much fun! It turned out the pills were
uppers, and I loved taking them!”
“Then, I was shopping one day with that same friend, and we didn’t have any
money because we spent it all on the pills, so we just decided to take some
things.”
“It was such a rush, so we kept on doing it, until a few days ago when some
mean security guard caught us and tried to put me in jail! But my dad’s a lawyer,
so he got the judge to reduce my sentence. So now I only have to come here
every week for a year! It’s so awesome!”
That has to be funniest thing I’ve ever heard. After Emmett’s deep voice talking
about his anger issues, Alice’s high soprano voice talking with enthusiasm about
doing jail time is utterly hilarious. I have to seriously try not to laugh out loud.
The next person to go is Rosalie, and I’m kinda looking forward to her story. I can
tell she’s one of those people that keeps things to herself, and she seems
so...just generally sad and angry. She starts slowly, gaining speed as she
continues.
“I moved in with my dad when I was six because my parents got a divorce. It
was really great until I was about thirteen. That’s when men started giving me
attention for my looks.”
“One day, I came home from school and my dad just went off on me, calling me
a whore for wanting attention from guys. He said I was worthless, and that’s
when he started hitting me.”
“From then on, he hit me on and off whenever he got drunk or was especially
bitter towards my mother. It wasn’t too bad. I lived with that until two months
ago. I was walking home from the store one night, and some guys came up
behind me and dragged me into an alley.”
At this point, I really, really want to leave the room. I look over at this girl, who is
telling this horror story so calmly, like she’s talking about the weather.
She continues after a slight pause, “And they beat me and raped me. Left me for
dead. Some guy walking by afterwards found me and called 911. I’ve been in the
hospital since then, recovering. I only got out a few days ago, when they decided
I was well enough to come here.”
Everyone is slack-jawed and wide-eyed, except for Edward, who I don’t even
think was listening. Emmett looks like he’s ready to kill someone.
Alice is bawling, and Jasper is trying to calm her down a bit. I just sit there
silently, studying everyone’s reactions and trying not to stare at Rosalie. Even
Miranda looks a bit shocked.
After that, Miranda decides to give us a coffee and doughnut break to collect
ourselves. The coffee sucks. It’s literally the worst coffee I’ve ever tasted, and the
doughnuts are stale. But I need a distraction or else I will be staring at Rosalie,
and that is the last thing I want to do.
So I drink the shitty coffee, eat the stale doughnuts, and try to forget what I just
heard. I wonder if Rosalie tries to forget. Or pretends it happened to someone
else. After about fifteen minutes, Miranda decides it’s time to continue the
discussion.
We all sit back down in our respective chairs and Miranda picks Jasper to go next.
He slumps down even more in his seat and rubs his bloodshot eyes, looking like
he would rather be anywhere but here.
“Okay…so I used to have problems sleeping. So I started taking sleeping pills.
Then I would be tired the whole next day, and never want to go out and party
with my friends. So I drank more to wake myself up so I could have a good
time.”
“But then the next night I’d feel too crappy and hungover to go to sleep. So I’d
take more sleeping pills. One night I decided I didn’t care about being alive
anymore, so I took a bunch of pills and drank a bunch of Vodka. End of story.”
Well, that’s pretty simple and direct. The way discussing your own attempted
suicide should be. Miranda then looks to me and gestures for me to go. I take a
deep breath, pull my arms around my torso, and begin in a lifeless voice. Here
we go.
“Um…well…my boyfriend Jacob and I have a really good relationship. We’ve been
together for as long as I can remember, because our dad’s are best friends. It
just seemed natural for us to end up together.”
“About a year ago, Jake got really mad at me for…..actually, I don’t even
remember what it was. But he got pissed, and hit me. He apologized and said it
would never happen again. But he lied, and it did.”
“He would hit me if another guy talked to me, if I talked back to him, if another
guy looked at me, if I didn’t spend enough time with him, if I was even a minute
late to meet him…pretty much everything I did was wrong.”
“I’m pretty clumsy, so no one ever questioned the bruises. And I wore long
sleeves and pants, and we live in Forks, so it’s not like it was weird for me to
never show any skin.”
“I kinda stopped eating, because I…well, I don’t really know why. I just did.
Yesterday, Jake got mad at me after school and hit me in his car. But this time,
he was so mad he didn’t even try to hit me in places no one would see.”
“As you can probably tell, he beat the shit out of me. My dad saw the bruises and
busted lip, and he said he was forcing me to come here. He says I’m depressed
and anorexic. I say he’s a dick.”
Miranda gives me a dirty look, I guess for my language. Emmett gets a kick out
of my ending, and applauds. I just give a weak smile, rolling my eyes, and turn
to Edward.
He stretches his feet out in front of him and glances at me, grumbling “pathetic”
under his breath. I just shrug, because I know I sound pathetic. But he’s an
asshole. Anyways, he starts his story with one more glance at me.
“Wow. What a riveting story that was.” Miranda shoots him a warning glance, and
everyone else in the group glares at him. He just shrugs and continues in a bored
voice.
“For the record, this is ridiculous. I don’t see how talking about this shit is gonna
fix it. But whatever. I started smoking pot with my friends when I was a
freshman. Then I got bored with that and moved on to coke.”
“I never really got bored with coke, but I decided to try heroin anyways. So now
I’m addicted to both. My parents found some coke in my car, and threatened to
call the cops. So I left.”
“I walked around until it was dark, and then I decided that I needed to get away
for a while. The only way to do that was go back to my house to pick up my car
and risk my parents calling the cops, or to steal a car.”
“So I stole this really awesome black Aston Martin Vanquish and drove to LA.
Then the cops found me and I went to jail for a few months. My parents’ lawyer
got me out before my sentence was supposed to be up.”
“They moved me here at the beginning of summer to get me away from my
friends, who were ‘bad influences’. And I’ve been forced against my will to come
here every week. I’d rather stay in jail.”
Miranda, and everyone else in the group for that matter, looks at him like he’s
crazy. I just feel kinda sorry for him. He called me pathetic, but at least we all
have reasons for our bad behavior.
He’s just a douche-bag.
Playlist: Brand New-Handcuffs, Armor for Sleep-The Truth About Heaven, Cartel-
Wasted, Brand New-Sic Transit Gloria
Please Review!
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 3
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/3/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hey everyone, I want to say thank you SO much to all of you who have reviewed
or put this story on alert. I even got a few favorites! The feedback is amazing,
and I hope you keep it up! Somebody told me they thought I was moving a little
fast, so I added this chapter in to develop the characters a little more, focusing
more on them as people instead of their problems. Also, I added some more
Edward! Who can say no to that? I hope you enjoy it, and please review!
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all the characters, except Miranda.
Chapter Three
Line and Sinker
What you see is what you get (don't you know)
Fishing for the answer with a line and sinker
Look at me and don't forget (don't you know)
Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers
Today I don't feel pretty
And i'm tired of trying to fit right in
Don't think they're just so great
Cause being great must suck
We don't always see the bright side
We all need ego suicide
You hung my id today
But I have licked my wounds and carried on
Everybody needs some sympathy
Santa seemed to miss my chimney
Reality is truly scaring me
So stand up straight and firmly say
What you see is what you get (don't you know)
Fishing for the answer with a line and sinker
Look at me and don't forget (don't you know)
Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers
My heart is in the right place
So wipe that smirk right off your face
Don't make me feel like that
Cause that's just plain not nice
We don't always see the bright side
And I lied when I said I was fine
You slapped my face today
But I have licked my wounds and carried on
Everybody needs some sympathy
Santa seemed to miss my chimney
Reality is truly scaring me
So stand up straight and firmly say
What you see is what you get (don't you know)
Fishing for the answer with a line and sinker
Look at me and don't forget (don't you know)
Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers
The third week of therapy is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen, heard of, or
participated in. Miranda is making us do ‘trust exercises’.
Come on. After spilling our guts to each other last week, the last thing we want to
do is bond.
Plus, how unoriginal can you get? I feel like I’m in the Girl Scouts or something.
Yeah, I woke up this morning and decided that I really wanted to do trust falls
with a bunch of rich kids with chips on their shoulders.
I guess I shouldn’t say that, I mean technically I don’t know if Jasper is that rich.
Ha.
And guess who gets to be asshole Edward’s trust fall buddy? Lucky, lucky me.
God hates me.
We all stand up in two lines, Emmett catching Rosalie, Edward catching me, and
Jasper catching Alice.
Miranda was originally going to pair Emmett with Alice, but she rethought that
when she realized Emmett might inadvertently crush the tiny girl. Standing next
to each other, the difference in size is astounding.
Jasper doesn’t seem to mind the switch (I’ve noticed that the bored expression
rarely leaves his face) and Alice is beaming.
Rosalie is definitely scowling and I’m kind of worried for Emmett’s safety. But
then I realize that Rosalie is probably trying not to cry. This can’t be bringing up
good memories.
A guy as huge as Emmett having his hands all over her after what happened? Not
good.
Miranda’s just full of great ideas today.
Again, I fight the urge to hug Rosalie, or comfort her in some way. But I know
she would see it as me pitying her. And then, judging by the look on her face,
she’d probably toss my skinny ass out the window.
Edward is smirking. I’ve learned that this is what he’s almost always doing (when
he’s not glaring). He seems to find it funny that my posture is so stiff. I’m feeling
awkward about having another guy touch me.
I have this irrational fear that Jacob is going to come running in and start
screaming at me, calling me a slut or something.
Now Edward is slowly moving closer to me, closing the distance I so carefully
placed between us. Even with my back to him, I can feel how close he is. His
warm breath is right on my neck, and my muscles tense even more.
He leans forward and grazes my ear with his lips as he whispers, “Why so tense?
Are you that nervous to be around me? I must say I find it rather flattering that
the mere thought of my touch is enough to make you so nervous.”
I shiver involuntarily and blush a tiny bit. Apparently he takes this as proof of his
own attractiveness because he says, “Wow. I’m used to girls swooning over me,
but this is really sad. Look at that-- you’re speechless. I’m kind of embarrassed
for you.”
I whip my head around to face him and snarl, “Actually I was worried for your
safety. If my boyfriend finds out that you’ve even touched me, he won’t hesitate
to kill you.”
Edward actually laughs out loud, but it’s a cruel, humorless laugh.
“If your boyfriend tries to come after me, you should be more worried for his
safety. Any guy that beats up his anorexic girlfriend can’t be all that
intimidating.”
My face twists into what I can only describe as pure fury as I reply, “You know
what? Fuck you. You don’t know anything about me. You don’t see me judging
you, even though you’re the most arrogant son of a bitch I’ve ever met. Go. To.
Hell.”
He laughs with slightly more humor and replies, “Oh, I’ve been there. I was in
jail, remember? That wasn’t exactly the most fun place I’ve ever been. So fuck
you. You know even less about me than I know about you. I know that you’re
pathetic for staying with someone like your boyfriend. Do you do everything he
tells you to? Can’t you think for yourself? You wouldn’t be the first girl I’ve met
that let some guy dictate her whole life. Pathetic.”
I just shrug with an amused smile. I decide that it’s the best way to piss him off.
Chuckling quietly, I reply, “Like I said-- you know nothing about me. You think
I’m pathetic. I think you are. I don’t even need to tell you why you’re pathetic, as
I’m sure it’s obvious even to you. Let’s just agree to disagree.”
He shrugs and smiles a sarcastic smile, the mood a little bit less intense. He says,
“Works for me. Let’s get this shit over with.”
I give a half-smile and turn back around, counting to three and letting myself fall
backwards. He catches me right on my lower ribs, which are still bruised from the
last beating Jacob gave me.
I wince and hurriedly stand up. Edward notices and spins me around to face him,
too quickly for me to wipe the look of pain off my face.
He stares at me for a minute, and then his face softens the tiniest fraction. He
looks down through the bronze bangs swept across his forehead, touches my
shoulder hesitantly and whispers,
“Hey, are you okay? Did I hurt you or something?”
Hah, that’s funny. He actually sounds a tad bit concerned.
I could get used to Edward’s softer side. His emerald eyes are dazzling me a little
bit (Dazzling? Wow, that sounds ridiculous. But it’s the only way I can describe it)
and his messy hair is falling in his face as he leans down to hear my answer.
I stutter a bit (dammit) and reply in a whisper, “N-no, I’m fine. You just hit a
tender spot, is all. Perfectly okay.”
He grimaces, because he’s figured it out now. He looks inexplicably angry for a
minute; whether it’s at me I have no clue. Then he spins around and stalks out
the door, his shoulders tense, leaving me with no explanation.
Miranda looks confused for a minute and everyone turns to look at me. I shrug,
like I don’t have the slightest clue. Which I don’t. Edward has more mood swings
than a pregnant woman.
Emmett literally reads my mind when he says rather loudly, “Jesus! That dude
has more mood swings than a pregnant lady!”
We all burst out laughing at the truth of it, and Alice is bouncing up and down like
she won the lottery.
After Emmett’s outburst, the atmosphere is more relaxed than it’s ever been. We
spend the rest of the time joking around like a bunch of regular kids. Mostly
mocking Edward.
It’s really refreshing, because I don’t spend much time around kids my own age.
Jacob is too overprotective of me to let me make many friends, and the kids at
Forks High have never really liked me.
The chief’s daughter isn’t too popular with the jocks, who are constantly getting
into trouble for stupid shit like noise complaints and underage drinking.
And everyone follows the jocks’ lead, of course.
It’s no wonder I’m so depressed, honestly.
Emmett tells stupid “that’s what she said” jokes, and Alice tells a funny story
about the security guard who caught her shoplifting.
Apparently, he was Chris Farley’s long lost twin, and he tried running after her at
the pace of “a snail stampeding through peanut butter”. Alice’s words, not mine.
Jasper stays quiet, but I can tell that he’s amused. His eyes have a little more life
in them, and his mouth is twitching like he’s not sure if he should smile or not.
Or maybe he just hasn’t smiled in a really, really long time.
Rosalie doesn’t seem quite as distant as before, but I figure that’s probably
temporary. Then she and Alice start talking about Rosalie’s shoes, which leads to
a full on discussion about Gucci or whatever it is girls like that talk about.
I wouldn’t know.
Miranda is overjoyed that we’re ‘opening up’.
Miranda’s happiness is enough to put me in a bad mood all over again, and I
seriously consider telling her to tone it down. It’s annoying me.
Apparently I’m not the only one. Emmett starts making rude hand gestures and
wriggling his eyebrows at Miranda’s back when she begins another stupid lecture
about ‘accepting all types of people’ and ‘being open to new experiences’.
Rosalie actually cracks a smile when Emmett pantomimes dumping a bucket of
water over Miranda’s head. Her face is twenty times more beautiful when she
smiles, and my self esteem takes a hit.
Not that it was that great to begin with.
Anyways, aren’t we in here to be cured or whatever? Not get lectured. I sit
through enough of this at school. Damn Charlie and his nosiness.
Just then, the door slams and Edward ambles back in, slinking gracefully over to
his usual chair. He slouches down and glares at those scuffed motorcycle boots
some more.
It’s like déjà vu.
I thought maybe we had made a little progress before the whole ribs grazing
incident. I mean we did the mandatory “you don’t know me” thing, got into the
obligatory argument about judging each other, traded insults, and then we were
good to go.
Guess I spoke too soon.
I had thought for a fleeting moment that he had actually been concerned about
me, and I was secretly pleased by that notion. Oh, so wrong.
After Edward’s return, things calm down again. I’m glad everyone (minus Edward
of course) had the chance to have a real conversation. These kids aren’t nearly as
boring as I thought they were.
Miranda still bugs the shit out of me though.
I don’t really expect anything else from her.
Playlist: Billy Talent- Line and Sinker, The Used- Poetic Tragedy, Tellison-
Hospital, Tegan and Sara- You Wouldn’t Like Me
Please Review!
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 4
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/4/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hey people, I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed,
alerted, and favorited this story! It’s so encouraging, and I love hearing from you
guys, even if it’s just a simple “Update soon!” Thanks again, and please review!
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns these characters, and all credit goes to her
amazing brain!
Chapter Four
Swimmers
I was…waiting for you
I was…standing around
I was…getting older
I was…going down
If you always get up late
You'll never be on time
If you always make it after work
ba ba dada
Oh the day never comes
and I stand up
Waiting on
I saw you down there
I know you were tired
I saw you
You looked like a Swimmer
I wanna be with you
All of the time
Why can't you satisfy
You look good
but you sound better
you were the best I had
If you always get up late
You'll never be on time
If you always get up late
You're never gonna be on time
And that's a shame
Cause I like you
I never see you.
It’s been six weeks since I started group therapy. I have to say, it’s not nearly as
bad as I expected it to be.
And Emmett’s not nearly as scary as I originally thought.
But don’t tell him that, because he was overjoyed when I told him how
intimidated I was when I first saw him. He thinks he’s so macho, but he’s really a
big teddy bear.
Considering he’s in therapy for his anger issues.
Without Emmett’s constant immature jokes, therapy would be beyond boring.
He’s truly like the big brother I never had, and he’s always in a good mood. I feel
immediately comfortable with him now.
Alice is still crazy and ADHD, but it’s more endearing now than it was at first.
She’s actually really sweet, when she’s not shopping.
I made the mistake of letting her drag me shopping with her, and let me tell you,
it was nightmarish. She just can’t stop.
She’s off the uppers now, and she still can’t stop.
It’s quite scary to watch, but I can’t look away. She’s taken the liberty of buying
me a whole new wardrobe --against my will, might I add.
Whenever I complain about her spending so much money on me, she always
looks up at me with those big blue eyes and whines,
“But Bellaaaa! This isn’t just for my own amusement you know. Well, it partially
is. But you really do need new clothes. Why do you insist on hiding your hot bod
under these….baggy old things? You just need a few important items to spruce up
your wardrobe. I swear I won’t go overboard, Scout’s honor.”
Word of advice: Never listen to Alice when she promises on her Scout’s honor. It
is a boldfaced lie.
After watching her waste hundreds of dollars on all her “fashionable” clothes, it’s
difficult to understand why in the world Alice would need to shoplift. The girl is
filthy rich. I guess those pills must be really expensive.
But Alice isn’t spoiled like Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory; she’s actually one
of the most generous people I know. She’s constantly helping everyone in the
group, giving advice and hugs (which I try to avoid at all costs—pixie’s got a
death grip).
The funniest aspect of Alice is how blunt she is. It’s like she knows exactly what
to say and how everyone will react, so she doesn’t need to sugarcoat anything.
She doesn’t beat around the bush, and she’s always honest.
For example, she’s had a huge thing for Jasper since the beginning of therapy. So
the fourth week, she just marched right up to him and told him so.
He didn’t say a word. He just nodded in his calm, tranquil manner, and they’ve
been together ever since. Simple as that. I envy their happiness.
Even this early in their relationship, Jasper is so careful with Alice, and he
watches her with love and gentle concern whenever she’s not looking. They’re
perfectly balanced because he’s so peaceful and boring (in a good way) and she’s
so hyperactive and excitable.
He is also unfailingly polite in that respectful, southern gentleman kind of way. I
can’t imagine someone as sweet as him trying to commit suicide. I guess you
never really know about a person, especially one as quiet as Jasper.
Rosalie is still a little…standoffish. We’re not as close as Alice and I, but we
definitely get along well. I have a feeling that Rosalie is going to keep people at a
distance for a long time, because of the bad experiences she’s had with the
people in her life so far.
I can’t say I blame her.
However, lately we’ve bonded over our abusive experiences. That sounds really
depressing, but it’s actually kind of wonderful.
I mean, nobody but us understands why Rose still lives with her dad, or why I’m
still dating Jacob. But we get each other. We talked about it and decided that it’s
not our faults they hit us, but it’s not their faults either.
As she put it, “They have problems, and that’s not their faults.”
I agreed and added, “And we just have to try to not make them angry.”
That philosophy has worked rather well for me. Jacob still hits me sometimes, but
not quite as often. He thinks it’s funny that I have to go talk to a ‘bunch of
crazies’ about my life once a week.
He’ll say something along the lines of, “Bella, that’s so stupid! So, wait…. you just
have to sit there and listen to some chick talk about these other kids’ problems?
What a waste of time! You could be spending all that time with me instead!”
Then his voice lowers and he gets a warning glare in his dark brown eyes.
“So….what have you told them about you?”
I always hurry to reassure him, “Nothing really. The first time I went, I had to tell
them about how Charlie sent me in for not eating. Besides that, I don’t tell them
anything important.”
He’s not worried that I’ve told anyone about the abuse, because I only told him
Charlie sent me for anorexia. Jacob once said it wasn’t anyone’s business but his
and mine if I was anorexic.
That struck me as a tad possessive, how about you?
He’s so confident that I would never betray him, and it makes me feel guilty
knowing that I have. Charlie has tried to ban me from seeing Jacob a few times,
but he can’t really do anything about it when he’s always at work or fishing with
Billy (Jake’s dad).
There’s no one there to protect me, so I protect myself by not breaking up with
Jacob. I don’t know what he would do to me if I tried. Plus, Jake needs me. He
tells me so all the time, and I can’t just leave him.
But don’t tell Emmett or Jasper that, because they freaked when they found out
Rose still lives with her dad and I’m still with Jake.
Emmett bellowed, “WHAT?! Isabella Swan, Rosalie Hale, what are you thinking?!
These guys hurt you! Rosalie, you’re eighteen. You could easily move out!”
Jasper nodded, more calm than Emmett (but still furious by Jasper standards)
and said, “Bella, you have no excuse. You need to break up with
that…that…scum. No respectable guy treats a lady that way.”
Alice added, “Yeah, you both deserve better than that.”
Rose and I just told them our philosophy, and told them it was none of their
business what we do. They don’t know Jake or Rose’s dad.
Literally, I thought Emmett’s neck vein was gonna bust through his skin when we
told him that. Jasper actually showed an emotion other than apathy, and Alice
pouted that we weren’t listening to them.
It was disturbing and yet cute how protective the guys are of us. Well, except for
Edward. He ignored the entire conversation.
I think the reason Emmett got so worked up is that he is nuts about Rosalie, and
he can’t stand to see her get hurt even more than she already is. I think she
really likes him too, but she’s nervous to get close to anyone.
Especially someone as big and tough as Emmett.
But I know he would never hurt her. I told her that, and she said she knew, but
was still afraid. I can’t really relate. But then again I wasn’t raped, so I can’t
know exactly what she’s going through.
I’ve never been afraid that Jacob would hurt me in that way. I don’t know why,
but he’s never pressured me about sleeping with him.
It really makes no sense, especially when you think about how territorial he is,
and how jealous he gets.
Maybe he’s cheating on me.
I bet it’s with Leah Clearwater. She’s always had a crush on Jacob, and would
glare at me whenever I was with him.
I’m surprised that thought doesn’t hurt—the fact that he’s probably cheating I
mean. I realize that I don’t really care if he is. I’m used to not caring about
anything anymore.
That’s the upside to being clinically depressed, apparently.
I’m still refusing to acknowledge that group has helped me in any way. I’m the
only one, besides Edward, who still denies that I need help.
As I mentioned, Alice is off the uppers, though she told us she misses it
sometimes. She had a relapse a few weeks ago, but I think she’s doing okay now.
Jasper says he doesn’t need sleeping pills anymore because, and I quote,
“dealing with Alice tires him out enough”. The alcohol is still a problem, but I
think having Alice in his life is helping him deal with the depression.
Emmett is off steroids for now, but he says that he keeps having to talk himself
out of buying more every time he goes to the gym.
He also says mine and Rosalie’s stories helped him realize that he doesn’t want to
ever be that mad and out of control again. He actually told me,
“I-I’m scared I could get angry and hurt somebody I love. Like Jacob does to you,
and Rose’s dad does to her. I couldn’t take it if I turned into Jacob, Bells.”
I comforted him as best I could, telling him, “Em, I know you wouldn’t hurt a fly.
Even when you were on steroids and got out of control, did you hurt anyone? No.
You broke some furniture, big deal. You’re too good to truly hurt someone like
that. We all know it.”
He smiled gratefully, his dimples showing, and dragged me into a huge bear hug.
He ignores my personal space more than anyone I’ve ever met.
Rosalie is the toughest case. She is going to be in therapy for a very long time,
because she’s had the worst experience out of all of us. She’s bitter and angry at
the world right now.
And you know what? So am I, for letting someone as sweet as Rose go through
so much. It’s really not fair.
One day, we all went out to dinner after therapy (except Edward and Miranda of
course), and Rose told Alice and I that she still has nightmares about that night.
She didn’t go into detail, but I could see the haunted look in her eyes.
But I don’t see why I need help from anyone. Compared to Rosalie, my story isn’t
bad at all. Jacob doesn’t mean it when he hurts me. He’s had a hard time since
his mom died and his dad was confined to a wheelchair.
He always feels really bad and apologizes afterwards. Sometimes he even cries
and begs me not to leave him.
And the whole not eating thing is stupid. It’s not like I intentionally starve myself.
I’m either not hungry, or I genuinely forget to eat. I weigh exactly 95 lbs, which
isn’t that bad. I’m short with delicate bones, it’s not like I can help that I’m
naturally thin.
Charlie says I started losing weight about a year ago (he also points out that my
weight loss coincided with the first time Jacob hit me) and that it was gradual so I
didn’t notice. He estimates that a year ago, I weighed around 125 lbs.
That’s just ridiculous. There’s no way I could lose 30 lbs without noticing.
Again, we’re back to him needing to mind his own damn business.
So I’ve stopped giving out new information to the group. Like I told Jake, I stick
with what I said in the first session but don’t say any more.
I kind of shut down when it’s my turn to talk, and I just tell them good things
about Jake and pretend that I’ve started eating more.
It’s pretty funny when Miranda is lecturing about denial and facing your problems
(giving Edward and I pointed looks), and Edward rolls his eyes and I make faces.
I just sit there and watch her mouth move, studying her youngish face and old
lady shoes. I get the feeling Edward is doing the same.
I wouldn’t know for sure though, because he still doesn’t talk to any of us. He
comes, he looks pretty, he makes sarcastic comments, and then he leaves.
One time, when Miranda tried to get him to ‘open up’, he called her a fat cow and
stormed out. The look on Miranda’s face when he called her fat really made me
want to cry. I may dislike her but that was still cruel of him to say. She’s not
even fat; he was just being a prick, as usual.
Have you ever seen someone just completely undermine an authority figure, right
in front of you? It was like that scene in The Breakfast Club where that jerky guy
totally gets in the principal’s face and the principal knows he’s losing control of
the situation.
Except this was way worse because Miranda’s pretty bothersome, but she was
just trying to help him. Now that I think about it, Edward is a lot like that jerky
guy, except with more money. I wonder if that makes me Molly Ringwald….
God I hope not.
Whenever Miranda asks Edward a question (more warily now) he says, “I don’t
need group therapy. If I wanted to stop doing coke I could, no problem. And
stealing that car was a one-time thing.”
That’s all he will ever say on the matter; he won’t go into depth about his family
or friends. He dances around Miranda’s questions easily, confusing her with
answers that only rephrase the question.
“So Edward, what was your childhood like? Do you have any siblings?”
“I don’t know Miranda, do I? Aren’t you supposed to have read my file and know
these things? Don’t you do your job?”
It’s quite entertaining to watch her get all flustered.
I’m not sure what Edward does during our fifteen minute breaks, except go to his
Volvo. I usually talk to everyone else while avoiding the nasty coffee, but I can’t
help wondering what he’s doing out there for that fifteen minutes.
Once, I saw him sitting in his car with a guitar. I was pretty surprised at that, and
wanted so badly to hear what he was playing.
But I would never go up to him.
Partly because I’m scared of what Jacob would do if he somehow found out (hey,
this is Forks. I’m fairly positive he would find out) and partly because Edward is
intimidating.
His god-like looks, combined with his smartass mouth and abrasive personality
make him a wee bit hard to approach, let alone talk to. I know he would just
assume I was hitting on him.
When in reality, I would never bother to hit on him because I know he’s
waaayyyy out of my league, and I know what his answer would be.
I honestly only want to talk to him, because…well, I don’t really know why I want
to speak to him so badly.
Maybe I want to tell him that I know how he feels.
Maybe I want to let him know that he can talk to the rest of us and there’s no
need to be so defensive.
Maybe I just want to hear his velvety voice…
Yeah, it’s probably the latter.
Playlist: Broken Social Scene- Swimmers, and Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old
Girl, Bloc Party- Kreuzberg, Boys Like Girls- Hero/Heroine (Acoustic)-- Hate the
band, love the song. Brand New- Fork and Knife
I think you guys are really going to like the next chapter, so please review!
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 5
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/5/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hey everybody, thanks again to all who have reviewed or put this story on alert. I
really appreciate it! This is definitely my favorite chapter so far, and you’ll
understand why right away lol. And just so no one is confused, this chapter takes
place after therapy the next week, not the same day as the last chapter. I hope
you enjoy it, and please review!
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these characters, Stephenie Meyer does.
Chapter Five
First Day of My Life
This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the door way
I went out in the rain
Suddenly everything changed their spread
Blankets on the beach
Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
I don't know where I am
I don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go
So I thought I'd let you know
These things take forever, I especially am slow
But I realized how I need you
And I wondered if I could come home
I remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
Yeah I thought it was strange
You said everything changed
You felt as if you just woke up
And you said, "This is the first day of my life."
I'm glad I didn't die before I met you
Now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you
And I'd probably be happy
So if you want to be with me
With these things there's no telling
we'll just have to wait and see
But I'd rather be working for a pay check
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides, maybe this time it's different
I mean, I really think you like me
Today, I’m finding out why Edward never speaks to anyone. I know, I know.
It’s been what…seven weeks since I met the guy? And I’m just now considering
this? Well, I’ve decided that it’s just plain ridiculous for none of us to talk to him.
The one time I did talk to him didn’t end so well, but before he stormed out, we
had sort of come to an understanding. So I’m going to suck it up and try to be
nice.
He can’t be that bad.
Actually, he’s pretty funny, and when he’s not being a dick, he is capable of doing
nice things.
For example, he saved me the last stale doughnut last week. And he held the
door open for me on the way in this morning. He didn’t smile or look at me, but
he held the door. It’s a vast improvement.
So I’m taking this as my opportunity to have a real conversation with him. After
Miranda releases us for the day, I gather my courage and catch up to him outside
his car.
“Hey, Edward.” He turns with a sour look on his face that softens a bit when he
sees it’s me. Or maybe he’s just glad it’s not Miranda.
“Hello, Bella. Can I help you with something?” he asks, in a dry tone.
Ah, there’s that ever-present sarcasm.
Normally, I would stutter and blush my way through my sentences, but today I’m
being brave so I just shrug and say nonchalantly, “Not really. I just wanted to
talk to you. I’ve never really gotten the chance, and I’m kind of interested. You’re
pretty mysterious, you know.”
He smirks, “Well, not all of us enjoy baring our souls in front of six strangers.
Sometimes I get the feeling that you’re the same way. After that day we all
introduced ourselves, you stopped talking about it. So you’re just as mysterious
as I am. The difference is, you’ve made friends with those idiots, and I’ve chosen
to keep to myself.”
I give him a look like, duh. “Thanks for stating the obvious. And you could make
friends with them. They’re all really cool. I think if you deigned to talk to any of
us, you’d know.”
That last sentence comes out a bit more snippily than I would have liked, and I
have to tell myself to keep more cool and detached.
He smirks again and says, “You’ve got a bit of a temper don’t you? Look, I’m not
here to make friends. I’m here to get this over with, so I can pretend to be
healed or whatever, and move on with my life. I don’t have a problem, and I
don’t need Miranda-- or you for that matter-- lecturing me about my choices.”
It’s my turn to smirk as I say, “And you’re kind of an asshole, aren’t you? Look, I
just want to let you know that I understand what you mean about not baring your
soul to a bunch of strangers. I do feel the same way, and you don’t have to be so
rude about it. Before you go accusing me of lecturing you, you should really stop
and think about who you’re talking to.”
That came off a little more indignantly than I planned, but he’s being a dick.
Again, I have to remind myself to stay calmer.
Laughingly he responds, “I’ll try and remember that next time.”
He pauses and then abruptly adds, “Hey, do you wanna go somewhere with me?”
This catches me completely off guard, and Jacob’s angry face flashes through my
mind. I brush that off quickly before I can really think about it, and then I just
blurt out, “Uh, sure.”
Don’t look at me like that. You would do the same thing if you saw him right now.
He’s wearing these tight jeans with a faded black Clash t-shirt and that sexy
leather jacket.
His messy bronze hair is getting even more messed up in the wind, and his green
eyes are looking intently into my boring brown ones.
Edward is beautiful.
My knees go a little weak, and I jump into his car before I can collapse onto the
asphalt.
He walks around to the driver’s seat and turns the ignition. His stupid shiny Volvo
purrs to life and he pulls smoothly out of the parking lot. He turns on the stereo
and I’m seriously surprised to hear Death Cab for Cutie blast out of the speakers.
(Ha, you all thought it would be Clair de Lune, didn’t you?)
He changes it to ‘Company Calls’ and I say, “Oh, I love this song! It’s one of my
favorites.”
He gives me a weird look and asks, “Really? Not many people like it. Most are still
stuck on the stuff they play on the radio, like ‘Sound of Settling’.”
“Well, that’s because ‘Sound of Settling’ is a brilliant and catchy song.”
He agrees and says, “Yeah, but I still like the less well-known stuff better. I like
the thought that I’m the only one who listens to it. Maybe it’s because I’m so
unoriginal that I enjoy feeling original every once in a while.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Wow. Who knew you were so deep?”
He just shakes his head and mutters, “Bitch.”
I smirk and shoot back, “Douche bag.”
And we just continue from there. It’s like we fall into our own little pattern, our
sarcastic humor blending perfectly. It helps that he has kick ass taste in music.
Jacob hates my taste in music.
It suddenly hits me that Edward and I barely know each other. It feels like I’ve
known him for months, when in reality it’s been about half an hour.
I’m comfortable around him, and even when it’s quiet, it’s not awkward. It’s a
good feeling. He drives (speeding like a maniac) to a little coffee shop about
twenty minutes from where we meet for therapy, and opens the door for me as I
walk in.
Unfortunately, my clumsy nature decides to rear its ugly head at this moment,
and I trip on the mat just inside the door.
Fortunately, Edward is right behind me and catches me around the waist before I
can make contact with the floor. He laughs and holds me there for a moment,
just to embarrass me further. Ass.
As he pulls me up, he gives my waist a little squeeze, and I giggle. I usually
never giggle, (I leave that to girls like Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory) but
I’m super ticklish in that spot.
Once Edward realizes this, he gets a wicked glint in his eye and pulls me closer to
him, tickling me nonstop.
I usually would never let anyone touch me like this, especially someone I just
met, but I can already feel myself trusting Edward. Dangerous territory.
I’m full out laughing now, and people in the coffee shop are starting to stare.
Edward doesn’t seem to mind the stares and continues the torture until I beg for
mercy.
I haven’t laughed like this in over a year, since Jacob stopped being my best
friend and became my worst nightmare.
Finally, after Edward decides he has embarrassed me enough for one day, he
releases me.
The guy behind the register is glaring at Edward, I guess it’s because he was the
one causing all the commotion. I think that up until the guy looks at me and
smiles what I think is supposed to be a flirty grin.
Then I realize he had been glaring because he thinks Edward and I are together.
I’m used to Jake being overly possessive, so when the guy smiles and winks at
me, I look at Edward and shrink back a little, like I’m afraid he’s going to
backhand me right then and there.
I think he realizes this, because he gets a slightly sad look in his eye and leads
me to a table in the most private corner of the shop, his large hand on the small
of my back.
Edward is frowning when he grabs my arm and pulls up the sleeve of my grey
blouse, only to reveal a huge hand-shaped bruise that looks worse than it actually
is.
His frown deepens, and he asks in a soft voice, “Why do you stay with him?”
He then reads the defensiveness in my expression and adds, “….if you don’t mind
my asking…”
I just shrug and shake my head. I am not going to answer that. He nods like he
knew that’s how I would react. But I get the feeling that he understands.
We talk a lot about music and books, although he mocks my love of Shakespeare
repeatedly. He asks about my family situation and I tell him about Renee and her
new husband Phil. When I mention that Charlie is Forks’ chief of police, Edward
grimaces and I laugh.
Hopefully, they haven’t had a run-in yet. Although with a guy like Edward, I
figure it’s only a matter of time.
He cleverly avoids answering my questions about himself, and thankfully never
brings up Jacob again. Instead, we somehow get into a full blown argument over
Bright Eyes.
“Conor Oberst has a horrible voice.”
“What?! His voice is sincere and real. And his lyrics are beautiful.”
“I’ll give you that. He can write some amazing songs. But he can’t sing them.”
“Okay, I officially disown you. How can you not like Bright Eyes?! ‘First Day of My
Life’ is a classic. ‘Road to Joy’ is awesome.”
“I never said I didn’t like them, just that his voice grates on my nerves. He
should stick to writing songs.”
“But it’s the emotion in his voice that makes them so good! You can’t tell me you
would listen to a Bright Eyes song if Britney Spears was singing it.”
“That’s irrelevant, because I would never listen to anything Britney Spears sang,
even if they were brilliant lyrics.”
“Not that I disagree, but as a teenage boy, aren’t you supposed to be in love with
Britney Spears?”
“Where do you get your information? Obviously, you know nothing about teenage
boys. They may want to fuck Britney Spears, but they are definitely not in love
with her because of her singing talents.”
“Or lack thereof.”
“Right. How did Britney Spears get into this discussion anyways?”
“I think it’s a rule nowadays that at some point, someone always brings up
Britney Spears.”
“I vote to abolish that rule. Immediately.”
“Here, here.”
After we agree to disagree on the whole Bright Eyes topic, we realize that we’ve
been talking for over two hours. Well, more like I’ve been talking.
I’m usually never this open with people, but Edward asks me questions and
listens to my answers like he’s vitally interested. It makes it easy to talk and be
honest with him.
I know that Charlie is probably worried sick that I’ve been gone so long. Hopefully
he hasn’t done anything rash, like call Jacob. I doubt he would, since he’s still
pissed about Jake hitting me, but he knows we’re still together and might assume
I’m with him in La Push. That could only lead to trouble.
Edward drives me back to my truck, both of us singing along to and laughing at
that MxPx song ‘Wrecking Hotel Rooms’. We agree on that at least. When we
reach the parking lot of the therapy building, I move to open my door and
Edward stops me.
“Hey, hang on a minute. I want to make you a deal. How about I ask you
something, and after you answer-- truthfully-- you can ask me any question you
want.”
“How will you know if I answer truthfully?”
He chuckles, “No offense, but you’re a horrible liar. I don’t think I’ll have a
problem knowing whether or not you’re being honest.”
“Ugh, that’s true.” I take a deep breath, “Okay… what do you want to know?”
“Oh, wait a second…” He reaches towards the stereo and changes the song to
Tegan and Sara’s ‘Don’t Confess’.
“Haha, very funny.”
“I thought it’d be appropriate. Okay, now on to my question: Why do you stay
with your boyfriend? It doesn’t seem like you love him, and if he treats you so
badly, why stay?”
I sigh and shrug, “He’s had some bad things happen to him recently, and he
needs me. Plus, he’s not always bad. In the beginning of our relationship, he was
amazing. He was my best friend, and I loved him. Every now and then the old
Jacob comes through and I remember how much I love him. It’s hard to let go of
that, so I just don’t.”
“Wow. I wasn’t really expecting that. I thought it’d be more…”
“Pathetic?”
He gives a low, breathy laugh, “Um, yeah, I guess so. Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I know what people think about me. They think I’m all weak and
defenseless, and I only stay with him because I’m scared. Well there’s that too,
but I stay mostly because I know he doesn’t mean to hurt me. He just…has a lot
of issues.”
“Well, now that you’ve answered my question, you can ask away.”
This has been bugging me since he stormed out the third week of therapy, so I
ask, “Okay. What did you do the day we did trust falls and you got pissed and
left? It’s been bugging me for weeks.”
He looks down a bit sheepishly and says, “I was worried you’d ask about that. I’m
sorry, by the way. Anyways…I went out to my car and put on some music…” He
trails off, and I know there’s more.
“And….?” I prompt him.
“And did a few lines. I scored some coke from a guy I met a couple months ago
in Port Angeles and had been debating all day if I should do it. After the trust falls
thing, I was annoyed and angry, and there it was, sitting in my glove box. So
yeah, that’s what I did.”
I think he expects me to be shocked or mad or judgmental, but I had figured it
was something along those lines (no pun intended).
I nod and ask, “So is that what you do during our fifteen minute breaks? I’ve
always kind of wondered.”
He shrugs slightly, “Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes I play my guitar or just listen
to CDs. Depends on my mood, and how much Miranda has pissed me off that
day.”
We both chuckle, and I say, “I know the feeling. Listen, I don’t really care if you
are still doing coke or whatever, if that’s what you were worried about. Like I said
before, I’m not here to lecture you. It’s your life. I mean, look at me. Obviously
I’m not cured or anything.”
I hold out my stick thin, bruised arm for emphasis. He glances at the bruise again
and a look of pain crosses his face.
I ask, “Why does it bother you so much? What do you care if I stay with my
boyfriend or not?”
Edward looks a little angry, but mostly just tired and vulnerable.
He sighs, “That’s a story for another day. You answered my question, I answered
yours, let’s leave it at that for now.”
I grin and get out of the car, leaning in through the open passenger window, “Fair
enough. See you next week?”
He returns the grin, “Yes, I’ll see you then. And thanks for proving me wrong.”
I look at him quizzically, and he laughs, “For showing me that all the people in
that group aren’t total idiots. Even if you do like Bright Eyes.”
And with that, he speeds off, leaving me to think over everything that just
happened. And to ponder over his parting backhanded compliment.
I had a conversation with Edward. I laughed with him, and made him laugh. I
told him a few secrets, he told me a few. I feel like I did in the early days of mine
and Jacob’s relationship, only a hundred times better.
This is very bad…
Playlist: Bright Eyes- First Day of My Life, Death Cab for Cutie- Company Calls,
MxPx- Wrecking Hotel Rooms, Tegan and Sara- Don’t Confess, Flyleaf-All Around
Me (Acoustic)
Please Review!
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 6
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/6/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hey there people, thanks a bunch to all who have reviewed so far! I would like to
give a special thanks to ahhelga, who never fails to give me an amazing review.
I’m sure I’m going to get a lot of hate for this chapter, but trust me it was
necessary and this WILL be ExB. Also, this is a semi-lemon (lemonade, if you
will), so if you don’t want to read it I don’t think you’ll be missing all that much of
the story, just some important character building. But if I do say so myself, I
think it’s a pretty good semi-lemon considering it’s my first ever. I hope you
enjoy it and please review!
Disclaimer: I still don’t own these characters; Stephenie Meyer does and always
will.
Chapter Six
Lover I Don’t Have to Love
I picked you out of a crowd and talked to you.
I said, "I like your shoes."
You said, "Thanks can I follow you?"
So it's up the stairs and out of view-
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name, you asked the time...
Now it's two o'clock-
the club is closed and we're up the block
Your hands on me; pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know who else may have been you before
I want a lover I don't have to love.
I want a girl whose too sad to give a fuck.
Where is the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet him here, but I'm not sure
I got the money if you've got the time
You said, "It feels good."
I said, "I'll give it a try."
Then my mind went dark-
we both forgot where your car was parked
So let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning
Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers, they just play tragic
and the phone's ringing and the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching; let's just keep, keep singing...
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy so drunk he doesn't talk
There is the kid with the chemicals
I have a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seem to slip my mind
But you..
But you...
you write
such pretty words
But life's no storybook
Love's an excuse to get hurt
and to hurt
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do
then hurt me..
then hurt me...
then hurt me...
The drive home is peaceful and quiet, and since my truck’s stereo sucks, there’s
no music to distract me from my thoughts of Edward. He is so unlike anyone I’ve
ever met. He and Jacob are complete opposites.
My relationship with Jake has always been happy and light; we never discuss
anything serious. With Edward, right off the bat it was intense. He makes me
think, whereas Jacob just makes me laugh. Well, made me laugh. He used to be
warm, my own personal sun, brightening up my dreary, small-town life.
Edward started off cold and distant, my own personal moon I guess you could
say—yes, I know it’s cheesy; just go with it. He seemed so…untouchable. Now it’s
like the two have switched roles: Jacob is cold and cruel more often than not, and
Edward is more caring (while still managing to be a sarcastic jackass, of course).
Weird.
My thoughts are interrupted when I pull into my driveway and see Jacob’s Rabbit
parked in Charlie’s usual spot. I guess Charlie’s working late, or watching a game
at Billy’s. Which is very bad news for me.
I try to think of a lie to tell Jacob, but I’m sure it’s useless; I’ve always been a
horrible liar, and he’s going to be beyond pissed if he finds out that the reason
I’m late is that I was out with another guy.
Yeah, definitely gonna stick to lying on this one.
I open the door, trying to be as quiet as possible. Maybe I can sneak upstairs and
pretend to fall asleep. Or just lock my door and pray he doesn’t break it down.
My plans are dashed when I trip over thin air and land with a loud crash on my
hardwood floor right inside the door. Jacob comes running in from the kitchen,
anger and concern written on his face. He grabs my hand and pulls me up from
the ground, keeping a tight lock on my wrist when I’m upright.
“Where’ve you been, huh Bells? I’ve been waiting for like an hour. I thought you
said your therapy thing is over by six?”
“Yeah it is, but I went out with the group afterwards. We went to a little coffee
shop around the corner. I didn’t know you’d be waiting, otherwise I would have
told them no. I’m so sorry Jake.”
I cringe, already knowing what’s coming.
His voice steadily rises, “With the group, huh? Were there guys there? Huh? Was
this some sort of date or something? Are you cheating on me?!” He’s full on
shouting now.
I put as much innocence into my voice as I can muster, “What?! No Jake, of
course not! I would never do that to you! I love you, you know that.”
“You didn’t answer my question Bella. Were there guys there? Did any of them
flirt with you? I’ll kill them!” He’s pacing in the hallway, roughly dragging me
along by my wrist like he forgot he was still gripping it.
That’s going to leave another hand-shaped bruise. Sometimes I think he simply
forgets his own strength, and he doesn’t always mean to hurt me so much.
“Jacob, stop. There are three guys in the group, I told you that. They all were
there, but none of them hit on me. They’re all coupled off. Edward and I are the
only single ones in the group, but I already told you how much of an asshole
Edward is. I could never like him, and besides, I think he has a crush on Rosalie.
Who wouldn’t? I mean, she’s gorgeous. You should meet her, she looks like a
model.”
I babble on, hoping he won’t notice that I’m lying through my teeth. I try to
distract him with a mental picture of Rose, praying that he’ll drop the subject of
Edward. Luckily it works-- this time.
I tell Jacob I’m really tired and just want to go to bed. He comes upstairs with me
and waits in my room while I go into the bathroom to change and brush my
teeth. He’s sitting on my bed and gets up when I come back in.
I look up at him warily, “You didn’t have to wait Jake. I’m just gonna get some
rest. I’ll call you in the morning. I love you.”
He nods and tucks me in, and I think he’s just going to leave. But then, he kicks
off his shoes and pulls off his shirt, getting under the covers with me. Not what
I’d been expecting.
“Jacob, what are you doing? Charlie will be home any minute! He’ll kill you if he
finds you here, you know.”
“Nah, Bells, it’s all taken care of. Billy’s going to distract Charlie for a while so you
and I can have some alone time. Don’t you want to be with me Bella? I know I’ve
been waiting for this for a long time.”
There’s an undercurrent of frustration in his voice that I haven’t heard before.
Maybe Leah’s out of town or something.
He puts his long, muscled arms around me and leans in for a kiss. I gently push
his face away, even though I’m itching to run away instead. I start to feel panicky
when I realize that there’s no one here to help me if he decides he’s tired of
waiting.
This is the first time I’ve ever been truly afraid of him.
“No Jake, I’m not ready for this. I-I-I want to wait…until…until…we’re married!
Yeah! Don’t you want our wedding night to be special? It will be so much better i-
i-if we wait. Don’t you think?”
If he believes that load of crap, he’s not as smart as I thought.
I’m stuttering through my sentences and waiting with bated breath for his
answer. If he disagrees with me, there will be no stopping him. He finally answers
after a few anxious minutes, and I mentally sigh with relief.
“Hmmm… I guess you’re right Bells. We can wait until we get married. We should
get married right after you graduate! It’s only a year, right? I guess I can wait
that long. But in the mean time, we can still have a little…fun. Don’t you want to
make me happy?”
I knew he wouldn’t give up that easily.
“U-um sure, I want you to be happy. Thanks for agreeing to wait. I really want
our first time to be…special.”
More like, I want it to never happen.
And that’s just it. With that one sarcastic thought, I realize that I’m not attracted
to him anymore. I know I was when we first started dating. How could I not be,
with those dark mischievous eyes and that sunny grin?
I look up into the aforementioned eyes and notice that they don’t even come
close to making me melt like they used to. I wonder when that changed….I think
back, but come up blank. All I know is, I do not want to sleep with him. Ever.
His voice goes low and seductive, “Well, I think just because we’re not having sex
doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun, right? I really want to please you Bella.
Don’t you want me to please you?”
As he says this, he’s reaching his hands up my shirt, towards my bra clasp.
Goosebumps rise along my arms, but not in a good way. I silently beg Charlie to
come home, praying I don’t have to go along with this much longer.
His warm hands take off my shirt and unhook my bra, quickly pulling it off and
massaging my breasts. I can’t decide if I like this feeling or not. My mind is
screaming for him to stop, but my body disagrees completely. In fact, having his
musky, manly scent so close makes my body heat up and tremble slightly.
I give a muffled moan as he gently pinches my hardened nipples. He takes this as
encouragement and rolls me over, straddling my hips and grinning smugly at me.
“See? I knew you wanted me Bella. I knew it was just a matter of time.”
“Jacob, stop, please.” But my voice comes out thick with desire, negating my
words and only making him grin wider.
He lowers his lips to my ear and whispers, “Don’t fight it Bella. I can make you
feel so good.”
Then his mouth is covering mine and he’s reaching down to my jeans,
unbuttoning them swiftly. He yanks them off, and I even help him by raising my
hips and wriggling a little. I can’t control my hormones at this point, and as much
as I hate it, I’m aching for him to touch me.
He leans down again, pressing his bare chest to mine, rubbing my hips and
sucking on my neck. I moan again, and he moves his tanned hand further down
until it’s resting right above my aching core.
I raise my hips to meet his fingers, signaling my desire. He groans and grinds his
throbbing erection against my most sensitive spot. Now I really can’t control my
body’s reactions, and I press even closer to his warm lean body. Things are
escalating so fast it makes my head spin, and there’s no time to think rationally
about what I’m doing.
He dips his hand inside my wet panties, running his fingers between my legs and
making me squirm with the unfamiliar feeling. After a bit more skillful rubbing, he
finally plunges two fingers inside me, making me jerk my hips and let out a
breathy moan.
He’s pumping me, pumping, pumping faster. He adds a third finger and I’m losing
my touch on reality. I never thought it would feel this good.
He increases his speed and finally I drop off the edge, throwing my head back,
screaming out his name in ecstasy, repeating, “OH god, oh GOD!”
A few minutes later, after my heart rate and breathing have calmed down a little,
I start putting my clothes back on. I get as far as my bra when he stops me and
says, “My turn.”
We both look down and I see that his huge member is as stiff as ever. I
hesitantly reach my hand towards it, but I guess I’m going to slow for him since
he pushes himself into my warm palm, already slightly thrusting.
I grab hold of him and move my hand up and down in time with his thrusts,
which are rapidly increasing in speed. I’m afraid to look down at what I’m doing,
scared that I’ll noticeably cringe.
This isn’t how I thought it would be. There’s no love or emotional attachment. It’s
simply two people letting out a bit of sexual frustration. I feel empty. My motions
become mechanical.
He’s groaning louder, panting out my name, and grinding his hips on mine. He’s
shifting so his erection is right between my legs, and the throbbing is driving me
wild. Even through my underwear, I can feel his warmth and it’s getting me hot
all over again.
I instinctively start moving my hips against his, clamping my thighs around him
tightly. My hand never stops its emotionless movements, but his reaches back
down into my panties and he pushes his fingers inside me again. We groan in
unison and start grinding wildly. His eyes are rolling back into his head and I
know he’s already close, but so am I. Together this time, we scream each other’s
names, quickening our pace as we reach simultaneous climax.
As we lay tangled in my sheets afterwards, my head on his chest, I’m reminded
of why I stay with him. He’s so sweet with me now, kissing my head and telling
me he always knew I loved him. He doesn’t say he loves me, but I know he does.
He doesn’t need to tell me.
After he dresses and heads back home, I think about what we just did. I never
thought I’d be…confident enough to do something like that. My hormones
completely took over and I was lost in him, my body doing things without me
consciously telling it to.
Curiously enough, I feel slightly guilty, and even a little soiled when Edward’s
beautiful face pops into my head yet again. I shake it off quickly, telling myself
that it’s ridiculous to feel guilty or disloyal for being with my own boyfriend. Even
though I feel used and empty afterwards.
And even though I wish it had been Edward instead.
I wince with that traitorous thought, although Jacob can’t hear it and isn’t here to
hit me for it.
My mind wanders to what it would feel like to have Edward doing what Jake just
did to me. Then I think about if Edward has done these things, and with how
many girls.
I cut myself off there when I realize that with a face like that, he’s bound to have
screwed countless girls. I get a sour feeling in my stomach, but shake that off
too. I need to stop this train of thought.
Luckily, I hear Charlie pull into the driveway and hurriedly I put my bed sheets
into the laundry and get into the shower. The last thing I need is for Charlie to
see my bed in a mess and me standing there with sex hair.
Awkward sex talk with my father? No thank you.
Although I suppose finding my bed stripped and me in the shower isn’t exactly
inconspicuous. But it’s my only option.
After my shower, I feel much more calm and clean. I cook Charlie a quick dinner
and we eat in our customary silence. He seems strained and kind of preoccupied
for some reason, but I’m not about to pry.
I head back upstairs and put fresh sheets on my bed.
I wonder what Edward is doing right now.
I do some light cleaning and organizing in my room.
I wonder what Edward is doing right now.
I email Renee to tell her about how therapy is going.
I wonder what Edward is doing right now.
I think about how glad I am that it’s summer so I have no homework.
I wonder what Edward is thinking about right now.
This is getting ridiculous.
So, do you hate me? I’m sorry, but this WAS necessary for the story. Trust me; I
wouldn’t do unnecessary BxJ, because I don’t really like them together. Don’t get
me wrong, I do like Jacob. But he’s not right for Bella. Anyways I’m getting off
topic lol. I’m just saying that hope I don’t lose any readers over this. I’m
seriously paranoid about that lol. Please review, even if you hated it!
Playlist: Bright Eyes- Lover I Don’t Have to Love (the Bettie Serveert version of
this song is amazing also), Radiohead- High and Dry, Radiohead- House of Cards,
Massive Attack- Teardrop
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 7
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/7/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hello folks, thanks to all who have reviewed. If you’re mad about the lemon last
chapter, have no fear, it’s the last BxJ thing I will ever put in here (hey I
rhymed). This is the longest chapter yet, and I’m pretty proud of it. I think you’ll
like it; it’s full of Edwardy goodness. Oh, and the song for this chapter is one of
my all-time favorites (even though it’s kind of old), and I really recommend
Arcade Fire.
Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer; therefore I do not own any of these
characters, besides Miranda. Not that owning Miranda is anything to be proud of.
Chapter Seven
Wake Up
Somethin' filled up
My heart with nothin',
Someone told me not to cry.
But now that I'm older,
My heart's colder,
And I can see that it's a lie.
Children wake up,
Hold your mistake up,
Before they turn the summer into dust.
If the children don't grow up,
Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We're just a million little god's causin rain storms turnin' every good thing to rust.
I guess we'll just have to adjust.
With my lighnin' bolts a glowin'
I can see where I am goin' to be
When the reaper he reaches and touches my hand.
With my lighnin' bolts a glowin'
I can see where I am goin'
With my lighnin' bolts a glowin'
I can see where I am go-goin'
You better look out below!
After our little ‘encounter’, I convinced Jacob to back off a little. I got a few
smacks for it, but he finally relented.
I’m sure he’s releasing all of his frustrations out on Leah Clearwater as we speak.
I just feel too uncomfortable doing things with him, knowing that I’m picturing
Edward’s face. I’m also a tad worried that I might yell out Edward’s name instead
of Jake’s. He would literally kill me if that happened, and I’m not quite ready to
die just yet.
Apparently I don’t have to worry about Billy distracting Charlie for Jacob anymore
either because last time, he and Charlie got into a huge fight. Charlie said he’s
never wanted to punch a man in a wheelchair before, but there’s a first time for
everything.
I guess Billy was defending Jacob, saying he would never hit me, and Charlie was
all, “Well, I saw the bruises! Why would she lie?!”
And Billy was like, “Well, I raised my Jacob to be respectful of women. He loves
Bella, and he would never hurt her!”
So Charlie stormed out and didn’t tell me about the fight until the next day. It’s
kind of weird that while Jake and I were…doing things…Charlie and Billy were
fighting about us. I guess it explains Charlie’s strange mood when he came home
that night.
Because of that little disagreement, Charlie has been in the house more often,
and therefore Jacob hasn’t had much opportunity to come by. Thank God. I
couldn’t deal with horny Jacob anymore. It was an interesting experience, and I
liked it, but…
Once was enough.
On the way to therapy the next week, I’m wondering how Edward is going to
treat me. We got along so well when we were alone, but he’s made his opinion of
the other group members quite clear. I’m not sure what he has against them, but
I’m afraid that he won’t want to talk to me when they’re around.
Basically, I’m worried he’ll go back to treating me the way he used to before I
grew a pair and talked to him.
My question is answered when Edward opens the door for me on the way in and
gives me a heart-melting crooked grin. I blush and smile back.
Wait, what?! I blushed?!
Oh great. I thought I was pretty much done with that…how annoying. I guess
being in the presence of a god will do that to a girl.
When everyone starts heading to their usual seats, Edward taps Alice on the
shoulder and asks if she can switch seats with him. Alice happily agrees and
dances over to his normal seat, considering Edward usually sits next to Jasper.
I’m just as shocked as the rest of the group when he plops down next to me and
asks in a playful tone, “So Bella, did you miss me?”
I’m completely relieved that he’s not ignoring me. Dare I say, he’s even flirting?
The thought excites me beyond belief. But he can’t know that.
I shake my head and roll my eyes, scoffing out loud dramatically at his question.
Hopefully he doesn’t realize that I’m doing this because I did in fact miss him, but
have too much dignity to admit it.
He grins mischievously, and I’m pretty sure he realizes. Dammit. He says, “Oh
don’t pretend. I know you missed me. I’m very missable, you know.”
This time, I don’t have to dramatize my scoff as I say, “ ‘Missable’ is not a word
Edward. And I see you haven’t changed much since we last saw each other.
You’re still an arrogant asshole.”
“And you, Swan, are still a sarcastic bitch.”
He’s full out laughing now, and I can’t help but join in. I stop after a few minutes
when I look around and see that everyone, including Miranda, is staring at us
openmouthed. Edward notices a second after me and stops as well, actually
looking a bit sheepish.
Emmett, being Emmett, shouts out bluntly, “Bella what did you do to him?
He’s….talking to you! And…smiling!”
Everyone nods their head in agreement, even Jasper, who would usually care the
least. I shrug and blush, (again) while Edward grumbles under his breath, “Hey, I
talk sometimes. It’s not like it’s a miracle or anything, Jesus.”
At this point, Miranda is sitting there stupefied, staring at me like she’s waiting
for me to do a magic trick. More like reveal my hidden talent for turning formerly
acerbic boys into fully functioning members of society.
Well, if only I was that special. I think Edward is only talking to me because I’m
the first one to put up with his crap and to give him crap right back, instead of
falling all over him like every other girl.
He looks over at me, and I glance back at him to see him smiling slightly and
staring intently at my face. Maybe he’s even questioning why he talks to me.
Huh, that’s an interesting (and slightly painful) thought.
Anyways, I’m tired of this creepy silence and of everyone studying me and
Edward, so I announce, “Okay people, enough with the looks. Let’s starts, shall
we?”
Miranda glares at me, and I smile angelically. She’s probably mad because I took
her line. Not my fault the woman’s not doing her job. Edward chuckles and gently
elbows me, because he knows it too.
Miranda clears her throat and says, “Yes, we shall. Today, we’ll be talking about
our emotional progress. I want to know how you think you’ve improved since we
started therapy. What has helped you? Have you had any setbacks or problems
that you think have affected your healing process? Emmett, you begin.”
Emmett grins so big his dimples show and he starts excitedly, “Well, I think I’ve
gotten better, since I haven’t bought any steroids in the last six weeks. I’ve been
working out more than ever to make up for it, and I’m getting results. Slower
than with the roids, but it’s still progress. And I don’t think I’m as angry as I used
to be since I got off them; little things that used to set me off before don’t really
bug me that much anymore.”
When he finishes, he exaggeratedly winks at Rose and gives her a thumbs up.
He’s so hilarious; I can’t imagine how boring therapy would be without him.
Miranda says, “That was excellent Emmett. We’re all very proud of you. Alice,
why don’t you go next?”
Alice bounces up and down in her seat, but she’s able to keep her eyes focused
on one thing at a time (a definite improvement if you ask me).
She begins in her high little voice, “Okay! Well, I know I’ve gotten better,
because I haven’t stolen anything in forever! And I don’t take pills anymore,
because now that I’ve got Jazzy, I’m never bored.” With this, she looks over at
Jasper and gives him a seductive grin.
He looks back at her fondly, if a little embarrassedly at her obvious double
meaning. Miranda smiles and says, “That’s great Alice. I’m so glad you have
Jasper in your life. Jasper, do you mind going next?”
He looks up and straightens his clothes (which have improved tenfold since he
met his tiny fashionista girlfriend) and drawls in his slight Texan accent,
“Well, I know I’ve made a lot of progress because of Alice. She makes me so
happy, and I don’t know what I’d do without her. She helped me through my
alcohol withdrawals.”
He smiles gently and grabs Alice’s fragile little hand in his left, rubbing circles on
her back with his right. It’s amazing to watch how the minute Jasper touches her,
Alice stops fidgeting and relaxes into him. They are so good together; it makes
my heart tug a little.
Miranda is glowing with pride, like Jasper just announced that he’s all cured,
thanks to Miranda’s wonderful therapist skills. I don’t think she should hold her
breath for that one.
She turns to Rosalie with sympathetic eyes and gestures for her to go next. I
know Rose well enough to see how annoyed she is by Miranda’s constant pity.
She glares at her for a second, but begins in the bored tone she always uses
when talking about her problems.
“Well, I know that I have a long way to go. I don’t know if I’ll ever really get over
it. But it’s not as bad as it was at first.”
Miranda looks considerably disappointed with Rosalie’s vague answer, but nods
and turns her dull gray eyes on me next.
I look over at Edward and see that he’s actually paying attention, and not glaring.
He winks at me when he notices my glance and I turn away quickly before I do
something embarrassing. Like drool.
“Um… I think I’ve improved. Things with Jake are much better, and I eat more
now. So…there’s that…” I trail off lamely and Miranda narrows her eyes, trying to
determine if I’m lying.
One upside to dealing with Jacob is that I’ve learned to lie much more
convincingly. But I really have gained weight. 3 lbs to be exact. Suck on that
Miranda.
Edward suddenly speaks up, I think trying to turn Miranda’s glare away from me,
for which I look at him gratefully.
“I know I’ve gotten much better. In fact, I’m all cured. No more coke for me. And
obviously no more stealing cars. So, great job Miranda for healing me, and I think
we’re done here!”
He jokingly starts to get up and we’re all laughing openly at Miranda’s shocked
expression. That’s the most words anyone besides me has heard from him since
the first session.
Edward sits back down, smiling that crooked smile that drives me crazy.
I think Miranda is just having a bad day. Either that, or she’s finally grown tired
of our smartass attitudes.
She sniffs at Edward and raises her chin, “Okay, that was great kids. Now what
we’re going to do is partner up—“
As soon as these words leave her mouth, Alice and Rosalie claim Jasper and
Emmett as their partners, leaving me with Edward. Not that I mind, of course.
Miranda continues, “—and draw each other!” She reaches under her folding chair
in the center of our circle and pulls out a bunch of pencils and pads of paper.
“I want to know how you see each other. Dig deep and look under the surface.
Look into their soul.” She’s gesturing wildly with her hands and her frizzy hair is
going all over the place.
Edward is making faces and I’m trying not to laugh. I take back what I said about
trust falls. This is the most ridiculous and unoriginal thing I’ve ever heard of.
We all turn our chairs to face each other and hold up the pads of paper. I’ve
always been a horrible artist, and know that no matter what, Edward’s picture is
going to look like a two year old drew it.
Complete with drool spots and everything.
Looking at him for too long is going to fry my brain, or at least hurt my eyes.
Edward is grinning at me over the top of his pad like he’s having the time of his
life. I think it’s because he just likes to see me uncomfortable. Ass.
We are silent for the first few minutes and he’s already sketching. I’m trying to
figure out where to start.
He suddenly moves his chair closer to me and speaks up.
“So, Jingle Bells, how’ve ya been? Heard any good music lately?”
I snort at the new nickname, and we fall back into that now familiar pattern of
insults and bickering. Soon we’re discussing the merits of The Perishers.
“Well, all their songs sound the same.”
“Yeah. But there’s something about them. The stuff they sing about and the
formula they use is really haunting and sweet. I love ‘Nothing Like You and ‘I and
‘Sway’.”
“True. I like his voice. Much better than Conor Oberst. And my favorite is
probably either Sway or ‘Trouble Sleeping’.” He has the nerve to smirk at me.
I groan, “Not that again. We’ve been over this, and I’m right. The end. Oh, and
‘Trouble Sleeping’ is boring.”
He shakes his head, “Not the end. But I’ll let it go for now, because I don’t like
going in circles. And ‘Trouble Sleeping’ is not boring. It’s mellow. Huge difference.
What do you think about Brand New?”
“Brand New is my favorite band of the moment. I’ve liked them for years, but
just rediscovered them last year. Their newest stuff is so different, but they’ve
managed to keep that spark that I love about them. Talk about amazing voices,
Jesse Lacey is hot and can sing his ass off. I’ve seen them twice, and both times
they blew me away.”
“Yeah, I saw them about a year ago, and they put so much energy into their
shows. Even if you’d never heard any of their stuff, you’d still have an amazing
time. When I saw them, Jesse Lacey played the guitar with his cell phone. Now
that was badass.”
My jaw drops, not at the cell phone thing (well, partly), but because we just
completely agreed on something. He notices this as well, and gives me a crooked
grin, his emerald eyes sparkling and amused.
I pick up my drawing pad and hurriedly draw his eyes, nothing else. I draw the
long sooty lashes that fringe them, and the little wrinkles that appear in the
corners of them when he smiles. I wish I had paint so I could get the color just
right. His wide green eyes look alive, more so than I’ve ever seen them, and my
drawing is nothing compared to the real thing.
Suddenly, I hear Miranda’s voice behind me and she sounds shocked.
“Isabella, that’s beautiful. Good job.” I cringe at the use of my full name.
Is it just me, or does she sound faintly grudging, like she hates admitting that I
did well?
Then she walks around to Edward’s side and gasps loudly, her hand flying to her
throat in surprise. The entire group looks up, Alice and Jasper breaking away
from their cuddling session and Emmett and Rose from their staring contest.
They all get up and crowd curiously around Edward’s chair, looking over his
shoulder at his drawing pad, then glancing up at me, then looking back down.
Edward is staring at the ground with a blank expression, his bronze hair falling
over his face.
I’m the last to come over, and Emmett makes room for me so I can see what
Edward drew. And I immediately back up and close my eyes.
Because it’s me.
I mean, it’s seriously me. Not looking too good, either.
In fact, I look ready to keel over. My clothes and hair look haggard, and my face
is tired and kind of tense. The worst are my eyes. I have big dark rings under
them, and they look empty and dead. I always knew I wasn’t pretty, but this is
just…horrible.
What’s really insulting is that everyone’s like, “Oh Edward, that looks exactly like
her! Who knew you could draw?”
There’s no way I look that crappy. That just sucks. Why did no one think to
mention this? Like, ‘Hey Bella, you look like complete shit. You should probably
do something about that.’ It’s not that hard.
How did I let myself get to this point? How could I have never noticed that things
were this bad? God, no wonder Charlie sent me to therapy. I look like a pod
person, just a depressed shell.
Edward is the only one who notices the pained look on my face, and I’m pretty
sure he knows why. That boy must be able to read minds or something.
He saunters over while everyone is still preoccupied by that damned drawing. He
touches my shoulder like he did on trust fall day and ducks his head to look into
my (dead, apparently) brown eyes.
“Hey. Are you upset? Was it that bad? I thought I did pretty good, if I do say so
myself.” He’s trying to distract me. It won’t work.
“Yeah, you did. That’s the problem. I didn’t know I looked that bad. I look like…”
“An anorexic girl whose boyfriend abuses her?”
I laugh humorlessly and feel tears well up. Great, this is just great. I don’t cry for
months, and then end up ready to bawl in the middle of therapy. How cliché; I’m
sure Miranda will love this. Edward probably will too; I know he’s just dying to
say ‘I told you so’. I really am pathetic.
I choke a little on the unshed tears when I answer, “Huh. Yeah. Who’d have
thought, right?”
He shakes his head with a small smile, “If it’s any consolation, I don’t think you
look that bad. That guy at the coffee shop didn’t think so either, remember? He
was glaring at me like he wanted to jump over the register and attack me for
being with you.”
My laugh is a little more real this time, but a couple of tears escape and roll down
my face. Edward looks at me and I can’t read the expression in his eyes. They
look hard and angry, but he’s tenderly wiping the tears from my cheeks. My face
flames at his touch and he chuckles. He is really talented at this whole distracting
thing. And at drawing. I’m slowly learning that Edward is good at everything.
I clear my throat awkwardly, trying to change the subject. My voice is hoarse but
a little more humorous, “So anyways, where’d you learn to draw like that? Much
as I hate to admit it, that picture is seriously good.”
He shrugs and replies nonchalantly, “I know. I just picked it up here and there.”
He makes a motion with his hand as if to dismiss my comment, as if he hears
that he’s talented all the time.
I glare and shake my head, “Arrogant prick.”
He grins, “Skinny bitch.”
We laugh and I go back to my seat, hoping nobody saw me crying in the corner
like an idiot. I don’t think so, considering no one says anything and therapy
continues, with Miranda analyzing everyone’s sketches.
“Emmett, it doesn’t look like you looked under the surface.” She holds up his
picture, which is basically a stick figure with long hair and tits.
And I thought mine was bad.
Miranda goes on, “Rosalie, this is not much better, but at least yours has a face.”
Rosalie’s is a stick figure man with curly hair and huge muscles. But, she added
dimples to his smile.
“Jasper, this is wonderful! I like the creativity! You’ve really captured Alice’s
essence.” I’ve come to the conclusion that Miranda has an old lady crush on poor
Jasper. His drawing is pretty good though; it’s totally Alice, that’s for sure. He got
the bubbly facial expression down, and her body is blurred like she’s in motion.
Yep, he knows Alice well.
“Alice dear, this is also quite good. I like that you did his whole body in such
detail.” Alice smirks, and I can practically hear her dirty thoughts from here. Her
portrait is fully detailed; every button on his shirt in place, even the fabric of his
jeans is shaded to look dark washed. Her eye for fashion definitely overruled her
concentration on the actual task.
“Bella, like I said, this is simply wonderful. It’s interesting that you only drew his
eyes. Can you tell me why?”
“Um, I don’t really know….the expression in them just sort of jumped out at me.
And I suck at drawing, so figured I shouldn’t get too ambitious and just stop with
the eyes.”
Everyone chuckles, but Miranda shakes her head and says, “No, I think it goes
deeper than that. It’s very symbolic.”
Ooookay, whatever you say lady.
“And Edward, we’ve all seen your wonderful portrait. It’s a perfect rendering.” He
looks down at his motorcycle boots and smiles a small smile.
Yeah, we get it.
It looks just like me.
Thanks.
Can we drop it?
God I hate Miranda.
Playlist: Arcade Fire- Wake Up; The Perishers- Nothing Like You and I, Sway,
Trouble Sleeping; Broken Social Scene- Anthems for a Seventeen-Year-Old Girl
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 8
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AllyR
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1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hey guys, sorry it’s been longer than usual for me to update. My summer has
gotten a little more hectic than I originally expected, so updates should be
coming every three to four days from here on out. Sorry! I hope you guys like
this chapter and please, please review!
Disclaimer: Still don’t own the characters. Stephenie Meyer does, and I never
will.
Chapter Eight
Ride
You are everything I wanted
The scars, all I'll ever know
If I told you you were right
Would you take my hand tonight?
If I told you reasons why
Would you leave your life and ride?
And ride...
You saw all my pieces broken
This darkness that I could never show
If I told you you were right
Would you take my hand tonight?
If I told you reasons why
Would you leave your life and ride?
And ride...
After last week, I’m a bit wary to go back to therapy. Having your own little
personal epiphany will do that to you. When I got home after that last session, all
I did was think about my life. It’s like I never stopped to think about what I was
doing, and then one little drawing from Edward has me questioning everything.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to change my entire life or whatever. It’s
just…this isn’t how I pictured my life to be. I know that Jacob needs me and loves
me. I still care for him, but I don’t love him as deeply as I once did. And staying
with him when I don’t want to just because he needs me has taken its toll. I look
like a zombie, and before now, I didn’t even care. I can’t help hating myself for
what I’ve done. It’s not fair to Jacob, and it sure as hell isn’t fair to me. Edward
was right, I am pretty damn pathetic.
As much as I dislike it, I still can’t break up with Jacob. It would destroy him, and
I just can’t do that to him. He’s lost everyone he loves in one way or another, and
he’s desperate to hold onto me. Maybe he doesn’t always show it, but I know he
loves me and wants me to stay. I mean, in the last two years, his mother died,
his father was confined to a wheelchair, and both his sisters left him to fend for
himself.
It’s hard on him, and I guess he thinks he has the right to hold onto me in
whatever way he can. The sad thing is, I used to think that he had every right
too. All week, I’ve been debating on what to do. And Edward keeps penetrating
my thoughts. Every time I come to the decision to stay with Jake, thoughts of
Edward have me rethinking it.
It makes me feel horrible, because what right do I even have to think about
Edward in that way? I have no claim on him. He’s gorgeous and funny, and
I’m….well, not. It’s just another reason to stay with Jacob, because he’s what I
deserve. I don’t deserve Edward.
Before coming to therapy today, I tried to clean myself up a bit. I took a long hot
shower, blow dried my hair to make it silky and straight, and put on some
mascara and lipgloss. Not a lot, but still an improvement. I just don’t want my
efforts to be too noticeable, because Edward will probably see right through me.
He always does.
Therapy is boring again today-- surprise, surprise. More lectures. Thank god we
don’t have to actually talk today; I don’t know what would pop out of my mouth.
I sit there tuning Miranda out and thinking about Edward while trying not to stare
at him. Now that he’s officially traded seats with Alice and sits next to me, not
staring is much easier than it was when he sat in front of me.
Before I know it, Miranda is dismissing us for our fifteen minute break and
Edward is coming up to me with a grin.
“Hey there Bella, how are you this fine evening?” He’s all cheery for some reason,
and it’s creeping me out. It’s so out of character. Maybe he wants something
from me.
I fight to keep my voice light and nonchalant, “Pretty good. And yourself?”
“Not too bad. So what do you usually do during these little breaks?”
“I talk to everybody else and eat stale doughnuts. Why?”
“Do you think I could join you? I’m pretty bored out there in my car, all cold and
alone.” He gives me a dramatic shiver to emphasize his point, making sure he
looks all lonely and sad.
I roll my eyes, “Ugh, fine. I don’t mind. I just hope the others are as
compassionate as I am. I don’t know if they’ll take too kindly to you worming
your way in.”
He chuckles and follows me over to the stale doughnut table, which is currently
surrounded by Emmett stuffing his face, Rosalie rolling her eyes, Alice giggling at
Emmett, and Jasper gazing adoringly at Alice.
They look up at our approach and Emmett swallows the massive amount of food
he has in his mouth before shouting, “Look Rosie! I told you last week wasn’t a
fluke! He really does talk to Bella!”
Everyone laughs except Edward and I, because Edward is too busy smiling
sheepishly and I’m too busy blushing like mad and glaring at Emmett.
Alice dances over and says, “Welcome Edward! We’re so glad you’re finally
talking to us! I hope it’s because you want to, and not just because you want to
spend more time with Bella!”
Now, I’m blushing like mad and glaring at Alice. Except this time, Edward is
laughing.
“Actually Alice, I got really bored in my car and decided to come see what all the
fuss is about over here. And on the plus side, I get to spend more time with
Jasper!”
He winks at me and walks over to a horror-stricken Jasper, putting his leather-
clad arm around the poor guy’s waist. Emmett is laughing with his massive head
thrown back, and I’m hoping he doesn’t choke. Alice is glaring at Edward
menacingly. Apparently she’s not in on the fact that he’s joking. Rosalie is
watching Emmett in amusement (I’ve noticed that no matter what is going on,
Rose is always watching Emmett with an amused expression. It’s the only time
she really looks happy.) Jasper is stuttering and trying to shrug Edward’s arm off,
and I’m just taking in the scene and trying to cover my snickers with my hand.
Edward finally takes his arm off only because Alice takes it off for him and
proclaims that Jasper is hers. It’s a funny sight to see: little four- foot tall Alice
glaring up in jealousy at a six- foot smiling Edward. Jasper, ever the peacemaker,
steps between his two lovers and puts a hand on Alice’s shoulder, reassuring her
that Edward is only kidding.
Alice finally lets up on the glaring and Edward returns to my side, giving it a little
squeeze. Now it’s my turn to glare, because I know that he only squeezed my
side to get a repeat of the coffee shop incident. Ass.
He looks down at me grinning, “Jealous Bella? I’m sorry I never told you before,
but I was using you to get to Jasper.”
Everyone laughs this time, even me and Alice. It seems that Edward is officially
welcomed into the group now. I shouldn’t be surprised; he’s just that smooth and
charming.
After the fifteen minutes is up, Miranda gathers us back to the circle, and Edward
sits next to me again without any hesitation. Therapy is boring as usual, and we
don’t really do anything note-worthy. Another lecture about “expressing yourself
in healthy ways” and “being an individual”.
Afterwards, I’m walking to my truck and shouting goodbyes back to Emmett
when Edward sneaks up behind me and tugs a little on my mahogany ponytail.
I whip around ready to scream when I see his stupid smug face grinning at me.
“Gah! Edward! What the hell are you doing?”
He’s laughing hysterically and takes a minute to answer, “Oh my god! You always
have the best reactions, Jingle Bells. Anyways, I wanted to know if you want to
get some coffee?” He smirks, “Unless you’re worried the cashier guy is going to
hit on you again. We can find another place if you want.”
“Haha you’re hilarious. But yeah, I can go. I don’t care where, it’s up to you.”
He smiles and his perfect white teeth are glinting in the fading sunlight. Again,
I’m struck by his amazing good looks. And once again, I’m struck by how much I
don’t deserve him.
I follow him over to his Volvo automatically, and then stop halfway, tugging his
arm to get him to stop too.
“Hey, wait a minute. How come we never take my truck?”
He snorts, “Uh, you’re kidding right? That thing is going to explode one day, and I
don’t plan on being in it when that happens. I’ll take the safety of my Volvo,
thanks.”
I glare, “Hey, watch it! It’s old but it’s not about to explode! Jacob fixed it up for
me, and he’s a great mechanic. He wouldn’t let me drive around in some death
trap.”
Edward’s smile fades and I know that it was a mistake to bring up Jake. The
mood isn’t as playful as it was before.
He sighs and says quietly, “Bella, just get in the car. You can drive next time,
okay? I was only joking.”
I smile gently, “I know. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to get so defensive. I’ve just had
a lot on my mind and Jacob has been a sore subject lately.”
He doesn’t respond as we walk the rest of the way to his car and get in silently.
He turns the ignition and The Almost’s ‘Amazing, Because It Is’ comes on. I’m
brought back to the first time we went for coffee. I have the same reaction to this
song as I did the Death Cab for Cutie one that first made me realize that Edward
and I had something in common.
I sigh and lean back into the comfortable black leather seat, “I love this song. It’s
so peaceful, and it builds so beautifully.”
He smiles a small smile and nods, “Yeah I know. It calms me down. It’s the kind
of song you just have to turn up loud.” He reaches over and turns it up, the
quality speakers blasting.
We don’t speak the whole way there, just listening to the song and tapping our
feet to the rhythm. I suddenly remember that Edward plays the guitar and sure
enough, when I look in the back, his shiny black acoustic guitar is resting on the
seat.
“Hey Edward? Can you play this song on the guitar?”
He smiles and his emerald eyes light up, “Yeah. Do you want to hear it?”
I grin, “More than anything.”
When he pulls into the parking lot of the coffee shop, we both go into the back
seat without a word. He picks up the guitar and leans over it, pieces of bronze
hair falling in his face. He strums a few chords before beginning in one of the
smoothest, silkiest voices I’ve ever heard.
-
-
-
“I was so scared of everything you put in front of me
I've been marching to every part of me
Just to see
See
Why you need me to be
The boy you need me to be
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saves a wretch like me
I once was lost
And now I'm found
Was blind but now I see
I just wanna see
I'm the type of person who lets fear drive
I'm the type of guy that's in drive
Cause I'm addicted, I'm needy
I'm lost without you
I need you
I need you
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saves a wretch like me
I once was lost
But now I'm found
Was blind but now I see
Amazing grace (amazing grace)
How sweet the sound (how sweet)
That saves a wretch like me (that saved a wretch like me)
I once was lost
But now I'm found (you know I'm found)
Was blind but now I see
Amazing grace (you're amazing)
How sweet the sound (you're amazing)
That saves a wretch like me
I once was lost (it feels so bad when you're lost and alone)
But now I'm found
Was blind but now I see”
-
-
-
When Edward finishes, I want to beg him to start over and play it again. His
version is 100 times better than the original, and I know that he is truly talented.
I don’t deserve him, and I want to cry because of the truth of it.
He looks up and just stares at me for a second before reaching over and brushing
away the hair I had let fall to hide my face. It’s calm and peaceful in the dark car,
no noise or interruptions. The tinted windows and silence make it seem
so…private.
I finally meet his green eyes and there’s a tender expression in them. I have no
idea what he sees in mine; all I know is that I wish he could like me.
I wish I was beautiful like Rose or confident like Alice instead of this broken,
bruised mess I’ve let myself turn into. I wish I was the kind of girl that would
break up with Jacob and make Edward fall in love with her.
My depressing thoughts are interrupted when Edward reaches up to cup my face
in his hand and asks softly,
“What are you thinking about? Why do you look so sad?”
I shake my head and sigh, hoping he’ll drop it like he usually does. No such luck.
“Hey, don’t do that. Don’t brush it off like I’m wrong. I know you’re upset about
something. Is it Jacob again or something? I thought you said things were
better.”
He spits out Jacob’s name like it burns his tongue.
I know I’m not going to get out of this, so I tell the partial truth. Leaving out the
part where I wish I could make him love me, of course.
I roll my eyes, “I lied. I was talking to Miranda when I said that, you know. I’m
not about to tell her that Jake gets more possessive every day, or that he’s
cheating on me, or that I still barely eat and I’ve only gained three lbs in the last
two months.”
He shrugs, “Well, how was I supposed to know? You really think he’s cheating on
you?”
“I don’t think, I know. He doesn’t even really try to hide it anymore.”
“Why would he do that? I thought he loved you.”
“He does.”
“Doesn’t seem like it.”
“Well, he does. He just….isn’t getting what he wants from me, so he gets it from
Leah.” Now it’s me who is saying Leah’s name like it burns my tongue.
“Oh, so you mean….Oh. I just assumed you guys had…”
“Nope. We’ve been dating forever and he’s wanted to since we were like fourteen.
But I keep telling him I’m not ready. I realized a few days ago that I’m ready, I
just don’t want to with him.”
Guilt. That’s what I feel when I realize that I’m telling Edward my deepest secret,
and basically cheating on Jacob in my mind. Shame. That’s what I feel when I
admit out loud that I’m with a boy I don’t even love. Hate. That’s what I feel
towards myself for needing to tell Edward these things. For needing him to
understand.
“Oh. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I can kick his ass. I’m sure Emmett
would be happy to assist me. Remember that day he totally freaked out on you
and Rose? That was hilarious.”
I’m utterly surprised. “I didn’t even think you were listening to that. I figured you
were bored and didn’t care.”
He smirks, “I listen to everything. I just have a good poker face. And I cared, but
I didn’t think my opinion would be appreciated.”
I chuckle quietly, “Oh. Yeah, you were probably right. I would have probably just
been more pissed if you had joined in.”
I pause, gathering my courage for what I’m about to do.
“Listen, this is random, but can I ask you a question? We can make another deal
if you want.”
He looks confused and a bit hesitant, but nods, motioning for me to continue.
This question has been bothering me since trust fall day. I know that his answer
is going to be important, maybe the most important thing he’s ever told me. I’m
scared to see his reaction, but I just…have to know what I did wrong. It could
change everything.
I take a deep breath and look him in the eyes. I’m not sure I’m going to like his
answer. That is, if he even does answer.
“Um…I’m not sure how to word this…but…why did you storm out the day we did
trust falls? You looked so…mad at me. What did I do wrong?”
He looks down, but not before I catch the slight anger in his gaze.
“I wasn’t mad at you. You didn’t do anything wrong. I was just…angry at myself,
for hurting you when I touched your ribs. And angry at Jacob for hurting you in
the first place. And angry at you for letting him do that to you. And angry at my
mother.”
Now I’m completely lost. I was expecting him to yell at me to ‘mind my own
business’ or something, like Jacob would do. I’ve never heard Edward speak
about his parents before-- I was right, this is big.
“Why would you be angry at your mom?”
He shakes his head and doesn’t answer, and I use his earlier line on him. “Hey,
don’t do that. Don’t brush it off like I’m wrong. Why were you angry at your
mom?”
His face is pained and frustrated, but he finally speaks up. “Did you know that I’m
adopted?”
Shocked, I stutter out, “Um….no. You never told me that.”
He nods and continues in a quiet, hesitant voice, “Yeah, I don’t tell anyone. Ever.
But it’s true. Carlisle and Esme adopted me in Chicago when I was twelve. Before
that, I lived in and out of foster homes and orphanages for about three years. My
real parents weren’t exactly the best a kid could ask for. Well, actually my mom
Elizabeth was amazing. But my dad, Edward Senior, was abusive. He would hit
me and my mom almost every day after work. He was a divorce lawyer and I
guess his job was stressful or something, because he would always come home
really pissed. And he took out all his anger on my mom and me. Mostly my mom
though, because she would lock me in my room sometimes so he couldn’t get to
me. I don’t remember much about him except the hitting and cursing. And that
he looked like me.”
At this point in the story, he stops and looks down. I grab his hand and he jerks
his head up, looking at our entwined hands and then into my eyes, letting me see
how sad and scared he is. My heart aches for him, but I try not to show any pity
in my expression. I know that if he thinks I feel sorry for him, he’ll never forgive
me. I can’t believe he’s telling me all this.
I nudge him with my shoulder and grip his pale hand harder, silently asking him
to go on.
He takes a deep breath and continues, “As a kid, I always wondered why my
mom didn’t just leave my dad. I mean, to kid that young it seems pretty simple.
Dad hurts mom, mom should leave so he doesn’t hurt her anymore. I still don’t
understand why she never left him. That’s why I wanted to know why you stay
with Jacob. I’ve always wanted to understand why women stay with men that
abuse them so badly.”
He’s gripping my hand so hard his knuckles are white, but I barely even notice.
I’m too preoccupied with thinking of what I could possibly say to Edward.
But there’s something else that’s tugging at the back of my mind. It’s quiet for a
few minutes, our breathing the only sound in the car as I gather my courage
again to ask him my next question.
It’s so quiet that I feel the need to whisper, not wanting to break the silence,
“Edward…what happened to your real parents?”
His face looks like I’m causing him physical pain, and he runs the hand I’m not
holding through his hair repeatedly.
I say softly while holding his gaze, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.
But maybe it will help me understand.”
He stares into my eyes and sighs, “My dad finally left us when I was nine. Ran
away with some client of his or something. And when my mom found out, she
told me she loved me, drove me to an orphanage, and left me there. I had no
idea what happened to her until I was in a foster home a few weeks later and my
foster father was reading the newspaper. I looked over and there was a picture of
my mom in the obituaries. Apparently she hung herself in the bedroom she and
my dad had shared.” His voice breaks halfway through the last sentence and it’s
as if someone punched me in the stomach. I’ve never seen him so honest and
serious before. It hurts.
I suck in a sharp breath and quickly pull his body towards mine. He doesn’t say
or do anything, just holds onto me and buries his face into my neck. I can feel his
ragged breathing, and I can tell he’s holding back tears. I rub his back and run
my hands through his thick hair soothingly.
This is not what I was expecting to happen, but I’m glad it did.
I’m glad that I can be the one Edward comes to.
I’m glad that he trusts me enough to tell me things he’s never told anyone
before.
I’m glad that I can feel so safe with him.
I need to figure some things out.
Playlist: Cary Brothers- Ride, The Almost- Amazing, Because It Is, Radiohead-
Nude
Please Review!
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 9
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/9/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hey guys, I just want to say sorry for not updating sooner. stopped sending me
emails to let me know when stories I have on alert were updated. I don’t know if
it was just me or if it happened to you guys too, but I decided not to update just
in case, since there would be no point if you didn’t know I updated lol. I also want
to say thanks to the few people who reviewed the last chapter. I barely got any,
and I hope it’s not because you guys are losing interest! I’m going to keep writing
no matter what, and I won’t hold chapters hostage until I get a certain number of
reviews, but it IS nice to hear what you guys think. So please take a few seconds
to review, it really means a lot when you do. Thanks and enjoy!
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, brilliant woman that she is, owns all of these
characters.
Chapter Nine
Sowing Seasons
Was losing all my friends
Was losing them to drinking and to driving
Was losing all my friends but I got them back
I am on the mend
At least now I can say I'm trying
And I hope you will forget the things I still lack
Yeah
Yeah
Is it in you now?
To bare to hear the truths that you were spoken
Twisted up by knaves
In a trap for fools
Is it in you now?
To watch the things you gave your life to broken
You stoop and build them up with worn out tools
Yeah Chorus
Nothing gets so bad
A whisper from your father couldn't fix it
Your whispers like a bridge, he's a river span
Take all that you have
and turn it into something you were missing
Somebody threw that brick
And shattered all your plans
Yeah Chorus
Time to get the seeds into the cold ground
It takes a while to grow anything
Before its coming to the end yeah
Before you put my body in the cold ground, take some time to warm it with your
hands
Before it's coming to an end, yeah
It's coming to an end
Do you miss the blend
Of colours she left in your black and white field
Do you feel condemned just being there?
I am not your friend
I am just a man who knows how it feels
I am not your friend
I'm not your lover,
I'm not your friend.
Yeah Chorus
Time to get the seeds into the cold ground
It takes a while to grow anything
Before it's coming to the end yeah
-
-
-
After that day in the Volvo two weeks ago, things between Edward and I have
totally changed. It was to be expected though. When you tell someone things
about you that no one else knows, when you trust them with things you would
never even admit out loud to yourself, the situation is bound to be different.
I’m still deciding if it’s a good different or a bad different. Things are just
more…intense.
I feel like he knows me better than I know myself, as stupid and over-used as
that saying is. Edward is the most important person in my life now, and I can
confidently say that the feeling is mutual. We’re pretty inseparable lately.
He comes over to my house whenever Charlie isn’t home, and when Jacob is with
Leah or his friends. Which is pretty often, considering that Jake and I rarely even
speak anymore, to be honest. I guess he doesn’t need me as much as I thought.
That is actually really hurtful. I mean I’ve stuck by him when he’s put me through
so much, and now he only calls to tell me he can’t come over because Billy needs
him. I know that’s a lie, but I’m not going to call him on it. That would be the
stupidest thing I could do.
Edward has helped me a lot in the past couple of weeks, encouraging me to break
up with Jacob and to eat more. I’m slowly but surely gaining weight, although I
can’t gain too much too fast or it could be unhealthy. Hey, look at that; I actually
care if I’m being unhealthy. Maybe Edward is helping me more than I even
realize.
Of course, the rest of the group has been helping too. Last week Alice, Rosalie,
and I went to Alice’s house for a girl’s night. Not my idea of a great time, but I
guess it’s all about the company.
We watched movies and talked about silly crap, like how much in love Alice and
Jasper are. The night took a serious turn when Rosalie finally talked to us about
that night. I’m not even sure how it came up exactly, but I got the feeling that
Rose really needed to talk about it. So Alice and I sat quietly, not interrupting,
not trying to comfort her. We just let her talk.
She started off by telling us that she still has nightmares about it. She spoke in
that same bored tone she always uses when referring to her “ordeal”, as Miranda
calls it.
“That night just repeats over and over again. Nothing ever changes. I can
remember the strangest details of it too….like what direction the wind was
blowing. And what the alley way smelled like. The whole time it was happening, I
was counting bricks on the side of the building I faced. It was easier than thinking
about what was really going on. I can still remember I got up to 167 bricks before
I passed out.”
That pretty much broke my heart. Alice and I looked at each other, trying not to
cry or hit something. Rosalie merely sat there studying her newly painted nails,
but I could see her hand violently trembling. I think she’d had, in Miranda’s
words, a “breakthrough”.
Since that night, Rose has been a little less cold towards all of us. But just a little.
She’s also started allowing Emmett to touch her. But strictly in friendly, non-
threatening situations, when the rest of the group is around.
I’m assuming she’s still afraid to be anywhere alone with him, but I can tell that
she’s beginning to trust him a little more. How can she not?
Emmett is so patient and gentle with her, I think it’s only a matter of time before
she lets him all the way in. They are too good together for her to pass it up. Just
like Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett are perfect for each other.
I’m drowning in envy yet again.
Why do I have to make things so complicated for myself? Why do I have to care
if I hurt Jacob, when he obviously doesn’t care about how much he’s hurt me?
Edward would never hurt me.
Speaking of Edward, he has actually made some progress too. One random night
we were at my house, and I was in the kitchen cooking dinner for us because
Charlie wasn’t coming home until late.
Edward came up behind me and put his arms around my waist, leaning his head
on my shoulder.
He does things like that now; touching me and being all sweet. It’s….interesting,
and I’m surprised by how much I like having his skin on mine. It’s a completely
different feeling from whenever Jacob touches me.
Anyways, he leaned his head on my shoulder and asked in a playful tone, “So
Jingle Bells, whatcha making? That’s an awful lot of food for an anorexic chick.”
I rolled my eyes, pretending to be offended at his reference to my little problem.
“Hey! I’m not anorexic anymore, remember? I’ve gained five lbs since therapy
started, asshole!”
And with that, I turned around and hopped on his back, wrapping my arms
around his neck and my legs around his waist.
He laughed loudly, pretending to strain under my weight, “Jesus Bells, no
kidding! You weigh a ton! Now get off me; all ninety lbs of you is killing me!”
I hopped off, smacked him hard on the back of his head, and proceeded to smile
up at him innocently while stirring the noodles for the spaghetti.
“Yeah, so now that I’m pretty much cured,” I rolled my eyes, “what are we going
to do about you?”
He seemed surprised, “What about me?”
“Um, your little coke problem, perhaps? I don’t want to have to worry about you
anymore.”
“Aww, you worry about me? I’m touched, J.B.”
I looked him dead in the eyes, “Edward, I’m being serious. I really do worry
about you driving and stuff while you’re high. Not to mention what it’s doing to
your body.”
He shrugged, “Come on Bella, I thought we agreed no lectures. Leave that to
Miranda, please.”
I shook my head and sighed sadly, “Please, at least try to quit. Just try. For me. I
don’t know what I’ll do when I come to therapy one day and you’re not there,
because you OD’ed or got into a car accident while you were high. Because it will
happen if you keep going the way you’re going. I just know it…”
I trailed off and looked down embarrassedly, because I knew I had probably
revealed just how much I cared for him. He would probably run out of the house
screaming now and never look back. I was in too deep.
But he surprised me by moving closer and taking my face into his hands, tilting it
up so I was forced to look him in the eye.
He sighed, “Is it really that big of a deal? Does it bother you that much?”
I nodded my head sadly, “Please, promise. For me.”
He sighed loudly, “Alright, I promise. I guess I’ll quit. Since you’re almost all
healed or whatever, I can’t be the only dysfunctional one.”
I chuckled and grabbed his hands from my face, but didn’t let them go. “Thank
you.”
He laughed and went to sit down at the kitchen table, “Oh, don’t thank me yet.
Have you ever been around someone going through cocaine withdrawals? I’m not
going to be very pleasant for the next few months. If I can even do it at all.”
“You can. Do you realize how stubborn you are? I have no doubt you will quit.
And the unpleasantness won’t be much of a change anyways.”
I smirked and turned back around to face the now boiling spaghetti noodles, glad
that the playful atmosphere was back.
And since that night, because of our promises-- spoken and unspoken-- Edward
and I are both on our way to getting over our various problems. Edward has been
doing really well. Who knew his stubbornness would actually come in handy?
He hasn’t relapsed yet, but he has told me that it gets harder every day, not
easier. He fights every day not to answer the phone when his dealers call.
I’ve taken away his cell phone for now, and if a dealer calls, I tell them Edward is
dead. They don’t call very much anymore, but occasionally they’ll be really high
and forget that Edward is ‘dead’.
Today is a particularly boring day at therapy, and Edward comes over afterwards.
We’re messing around in the living room, him on the couch with his guitar and
me lying on the floor, occasionally calling out requests.
My favorite of his is still ‘Amazing, Because It Is’, but lately I’ve had an obsession
with the Spill Canvas. Edward’s voice is perfect for their vocal style, so I keep
asking for ‘The Tide’ and ‘So Much’. He surprises me all the sudden with my all
time favorite song from them, ‘Lullaby’.
-
-
-
“It's the way that you blush when you're nervous
It's your ability to make me earn this.
I know that you're tired,
Just let me sing you to sleep.
It's about how you laugh out of pity
'Cause let's be honest, I'm not really that funny
I know that you're shy,
Just let me sing you to sleep.
If you need anything,
Just say the word, I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze
Then I'll tuck you in,
Plant my lips where your necklace is closed.
It's those pills that you don't need to take,
Medicating perfection, now that's a mistake.
I know that you're spent,
Just let me sing you to sleep.
It's your finger, and how I'm wrapped around it
It's your grace, and how it keeps me grounded
I know that you're weak,
Just let me sing you to sleep.
If you need anything,
Just say the word, I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze
Then I'll tuck you in,
Plant my lips where your necklace is closed.
While you were sleeping,
I figured out everything:
I was constructed for you,
And you were molded for me.
Now I feel your name.
Coursin' through my veins.
You shine so bright, it's insane.
You put the sun to shame.
If you need anything,
Just say the word, I mean anything. (I really do)
Rest assured, if you start to doze
Then I'll tuck you in,
Plant my lips where your necklace is closed.
If you need anything,
Just say the word, I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze
Then I'll tuck you in,
Plant my lips where your necklace is closed.”
-
-
-
When he finishes, that song automatically becomes my new favorite of his.
I sigh and lay back down on the carpet (I sat up when he had started playing so I
could watch his face) saying, “I’m going to dance to that song at my wedding.”
He laughs at my dreamy tone, replying jokingly, “I’ll be sure to remember that.”
I get a little thrill up my spine when he says that, loving what he’s hinting at. My
excited thoughts come to a screeching halt when I hear a harsh banging at my
front door.
I stand up to look through the peephole and see Jacob standing outside, looking
red-faced and pissed as hell.
He starts shouting and pounding harder on the door, “Bella! I know you’re in
there! I hear a guy’s voice! What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!”
I look over at Edward, a panicked look on my face. Edward’s expression is
contorted into one of pure rage, and there’s a murderous look in his eyes. He
stands up and stalks over to the door, opening it swiftly. I peek over his broad
shoulder to see Jacob’s incredulous face.
He bellows, “Who the fuck are you? Goddamnit, I knew that stupid bitch was
cheating! Bella, get out here, NOW!”
I immediately start to walk over to Jacob, used to following his orders to avoid
the pain that comes from disobeying. On my way past him, Edward reaches out
his muscular arm to block the path towards Jake.
He says in a seething, barely controlled voice, “Bella isn’t going anywhere near
you, you filthy bastard. Get the fuck away from here and never even think about
coming back. If I ever hear that you’ve even spoken Bella’s name out loud, I will
happily kill you.”
Jacob starts pushing Edward backwards into my house, therefore pushing me,
since while he was talking Edward had pushed me behind him protectively.
Seeing Jacob stand in front of Edward, I can see that they are pretty evenly
matched. Jake is taller, but Edward is more muscular. Plus, I think Edward just
plain wants it more. He has a lot of pent up rage and aggression. I don’t think
Jacob stands a chance.
Apparently, Jake doesn’t see what I see, because he’s now in Edward’s face,
pointing his finger into his chest and taunting him.
“So I was right all along. Bella, you have been cheating on me—with this piece of
shit, no less. I always knew you were a whore. That’s why I never felt guilty for
hitting you, you know. Because I knew you deserved it. Bitch!”
With that, he launches himself past Edward and towards me. I back up hastily,
but know that it’s useless. He gets one good smack in, that causes my eyes to
automatically tear up, before Edward pulls him off me.
Edward roars, “You sick mother fucker!” and pulls Jacob around, punching him
square in the face. Jake spins into the banister of the stairs, bending over it to
help balance himself.
But Edward doesn’t give him time to regroup, instead pulling him back up and
hitting him again. This time, Jake hits the ground. Edward kicks him hard once,
twice, three times in the stomach, and blood is pouring out of his mouth and
nose.
The smell of his blood is making me sick and I’m on the ground screaming
desperately for Edward to stop.
“Edward! Please stop it! You’re going to kill him! Edward!”
He finally looks over at me and the glazed look in his eyes is frightening.
There’s no doubt in my mind that Edward isn’t just hitting Jake. He’s
remembering all those times his dad hit his mom, remembering all those times
his dad hit him. He isn’t really in the present.
But the sound of my voice brings him back enough to make him realize what he’s
doing, and he finally stops. Jacob is moaning in a heap on the ground, clutching
his nose and stomach.
I can’t find it in myself to be compassionate, because I know that if Edward
hadn’t been here, it would be me lying on the ground in pain. I’m done feeling
sorry for Jacob Black.
It only took me several years.
Edward kneels over me worriedly, “Bella? Oh my god, Bella I’m sorry! Are you
okay? Did he hurt you? Oh god I’m so sorry I wasn’t fast enough! I didn’t think
he’d go straight for you like that! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! Oh god, oh god!”
He’s frantically touching my face, which is already starting to bruise, and holding
my head delicately like I’m about to break.
His voice is on the verge of hysterics now and I’m holding him like I did that night
in his car, rocking him back and forth murmuring,
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m fine. I’ve had worse, don’t be sorry. It’s okay, it’s all okay.
We’re fine, I’m here Edward. I’m here.”
It takes him a few minutes to calm down, but once he does, he notices that Jacob
is still on the floor spitting blood out of his mouth. He pulls away from me and
walks over to pick Jake up, dragging him out the front door to his car, pushing
him roughly in the driver’s seat and leaning over him.
I see him whisper something in Jake’s face and point a finger at him, his
expression menacing.
Jacob nods a few times and slams the door to his crappy Rabbit, speeding off,
leaving an eerie silence behind him.
Edward slowly walks back over to me, where I’ve been standing on the porch
watching the whole exchange.
“So, what did you say to him?”
He shrugs nonchalantly like he didn’t almost just kill a guy, “I told him if he ever
came within a hundred yards of you I’d rip his arms off and feed them to him.”
I nod, “Okay. So what do you want for dinner?”
He laughs and pulls me to him, holding me tight and whispering, “I’m sorry you
saw me behave that way. I kind of…lost it when I saw him hit you. I’ve tried to
imagine it so many times, but actually seeing him hit you like that just…made me
freak. Bad memories, you know. And after I soak my sore knuckles, chicken
parmesan sounds good.”
We laugh and amble back into the house, arms wrapped around each other
tightly.
Playlist: Brand New- Sowing Seasons, The Spill Canvas- So Much and Lullaby,
Rolling Stones- Wild Horses (I couldn’t decide between this version or The
Sundays’ version, but in the end I thought that since it’s from Edward’s point of
view, a guy singing would be more appropriate lol. But the other version’s tone
fits the chapter better. Either way, this song rocks and I really recommend it)
Please review!
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 10
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/10/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
Login . Sign Up .
FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hello people! Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and I hope you
like this one—it’s the longest chapter yet by far. Bella gets her party on, what’s
not to love?! Lol Also, I know using ‘Wonderwall’ isn’t very original, but it just
works too well to pass up.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters, not me.
Chapter Ten
Wonderwall
Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now
Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now
And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
At our fifteen minute break during therapy today, Alice comes bouncing up to
Edward and I in his car. We are sitting in the opened trunk of his Volvo just
laughing at Miranda as usual, when Alice pops out of nowhere and scares the crap
out me.
So much so that I almost fall out of the trunk and onto the wet asphalt.
I say ‘almost’ because Edward, with his crazy cat-like reflexes, catches me at the
last minute. Thank god, or I never would have heard the end of it from Emmett,
who had come up behind Alice with Rosalie and Jasper.
Alice ignores all the snickering at my expense and gushes excitedly, “Ohmygosh
Bella, guess what? There’s going to be a party at this kid Mike Newton’s house
tomorrow night! We’re all totally going, and we can go shopping for new outfits
and Rose and I can do your hair and makeup! It’s gonna be SO fun! Why aren’t
you excited?”
That girl’s moodswings are astounding. One second she’s all bouncy, and the next
she’s pouting because I’m not as bouncy as she thinks I ought to be. Crazy pixie.
I groan, “Alice. You know I don’t go to parties! I don’t see the point. And plus, I
happen to hate Mike Newton with a passion; Edward knows why. And I’m not
going shopping. And no Bella Barbie either. God. I’m sorry, but it’s just an all
around NO.”
Alice’s pout deepens, and she looks to Edward, “But Edward’s going, right
Edward? It’s gonna be amazing. Bella, you’ll be sorry you missed it!”
I roll my eyes and shrug, “Doubt it.”
Edward nudges my ribs with his elbow and tilts his head towards me, “But Bella,
I’ll go with you. Mike Newton won’t bother you. You don’t need to go shopping,
but you know how much Alice and Rose love to play Bella Barbie. You can’t deny
that face.”
He gestures to Alice, who is in full on puppy- dog- pout mode. Goddamnit. I look
over to Rosalie, hoping for some kind of sympathy. Her face is set in a
determined expression; no luck there. Emmett and Jasper are wrapped around
Rose and Alice’s little fingers, so they’re no help. And Edward (who is supposed to
be on my side!) is ganging up on me too.
I’m doomed.
I sigh heavily, “Fine. But no shopping. And Edward, if Mike Newton tries to mouth
rape me again, I’m holding you personally responsible. I hate you all.”
They all laugh and high-five each other, Emmett saying, “Well done chaps!” in
this strange accent that I guess is supposed to be British but sounds
more…Japanese. In case you haven’t noticed, Emmett is bizarre.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It’s Friday night. Party night.
Oh joy.
Alice is digging around in my closet while Rosalie is curling my hair into a
sexy/just- got- out- of- bed mahogany mess. Finally Alice emerges holding a pair
of light blue skinny jeans, a tight dark red tank top, and black ballet flats. Then
she pulls out one of those short- sleeved half-jacket things that’s made of
delicate black lace. I don’t remember ever buying that, and I have a sneaking
suspicion that Alice bought clothes for me and pretended to find them in my
closet. Sneaky sprite.
Well, at least I’ll be fairly covered up and casual, and Alice knows me well enough
to not give me heels.
Once I’m dressed, Rose and Alice work together on my makeup, putting powdery
crap all over my face and making my eyes look smoky with a bunch of black
eyeliner and shimmery bronze eye shadow stuff. Needless to say, all this makeup
is theirs, definitely not mine.
I don’t even know the purpose of most of this junk.
After they’re finally finished and have deemed me party-ready, we walk
downstairs to find the guys watching TV. They notice us and stand up, telling us
all the mandatory “Oh you look so pretty” crap, and I roll my eyes, leading the
way out to Emmett’s jeep.
However, we can’t all fit, so Edward volunteers his Volvo to take me and him. We
jump in and he leans over, brushing my hair out of my face and whispering, “You
really do look great, Jingle Bells.”
I roll my eyes again and say sarcastically, “Yeah, yeah. Eyes on the road, smooth
operator.”
He laughs and cranks up Ash’s ‘Vampire Love’, causing me to bounce up and
down in my seat, dancing to the song and actually getting into the mood to party.
We both sing along and hold our fists up to act as microphones, like we’re in fifth
grade. But hey, it’s still fun.
You know you still do it too.
When we pull up, laughing and breathless, there’s nowhere to park because Mike
Newton’s house appears to contain the entire teenage population of Forks. Which
is really only about two hundred kids, but it looks more like a thousand the way
they’re all crammed in there like sardines.
God I hate parties. Have I already mentioned that?
Edward has to park like three blocks away, and when he opens my door for me,
he takes my hand and doesn’t let go. Not that I mind or anything. In fact, as we
get closer to the party, I’m gripping his hand harder.
I hate big crowds of people.
Especially big crowds of sweaty, drunk, horny people.
When we walk through the door, Mike Newton is there and looks me up and down
lecherously. Edward puts his arm around my shoulders and leads me towards the
kitchen to get a drink. I only want a beer; there’s no way I’m getting drunk
tonight. No shots for Bella.
Edward grabs two beers from a huge cooler and we head out towards the
backyard to get away from the crowd. We find Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice
all out there, sitting on one of the logs surrounding a bonfire, drinking and
laughing.
They’re the perfect picture of a group of friends, and watching them all interact
makes me think about how crazy it is that we all met in therapy. We started out
hating each other, all wrapped up in our own problems. Now we look so happy
and carefree, and yeah, we still have problems, but it’s easier to forget about
them when we’re together like this. You know, in a normal teenage setting
instead of a group therapy room.
Even Edward and I, huddled on our own smaller log and making fun of the
drunken skanks dancing around, look normal and lighthearted. After all the Jacob
drama, it feels good to be content and warm-- happier than I’ve been in years.
I’ll have to thank Alice for making me come.
I realize Edward and I are out of beer, so I get up and ask anyone if they want
anything before heading into the kitchen to get refills. Cliché mistake.
I know you’ve all heard this one before:
Girl goes off alone at the party, and is intercepted by her abusive ex-boyfriend.
He sweet talks her, saying he wants “closure”, and pulls her aside to “talk”.
I am so stupid.
Jacob leans against the wall next to me, grinning lazily. His face is still pretty
banged up and his nose is definitely broken, with two shiny black eyes on either
side of it. He looks untroubled and smug, and I’m getting a little nervous as to
what he’s planning. But we are in the middle of a party, and there are plenty of
witnesses. He wouldn’t dare do anything to me here. Instead of hitting or yelling
at me, he gives me the shock of my life.
“Bella I just want to say I’m sorry, you know, for everything. I didn’t mean to
hurt you so badly. I’m kind of glad we’re broken up, because Leah and I are
together now. She’s no you, but I’m happy. So thank you.”
I can’t even form words. I stand there for a full minute, mouth open, staring at
him.
Finally, I’m able to stutter out, “Uh…sure Jake. I’m…glad you’re happy, I guess.
I’m glad we can both move on…I guess?” It comes out as a question. Probably
because I am questioning his sanity.
He nods and leans forward, grabbing me into a big hug. He kisses my cheek. I
begin to move out of his embrace, but he catches my face and pulls it towards
his.
I knew it.
My first reaction is to relax into him, like I used to do. His warm, familiar lips are
covering mine, muffling the scream I let out when I finally realize what he’s
doing. After a good two or three minutes of him eating my face and me struggling
to push him off me, he pulls back and grins maliciously over my shoulder.
“Jacob what the hell are you doing? You just told me how happy you were with
Leah! Are you psychotic?”
“Silly Bella. You know you’re the only one for me. Leah’s okay and all, but you
are mine. You belong to me. You love me and I love you. Unfortunately, you
seem to have forgotten that. I’ll just have to remind you.”
He grabs my arm and drags me outside onto the front porch. There’s no one out
here to help me, but I keep struggling anyways.
“Jake, let me go! Edward’s going to come looking for me, you know. I called him
off once, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop him from killing you this time.”
He chuckles arrogantly, “Oh, I don’t think Edward is going to be a problem
anymore.”
His voice is confident and my stomach drops. I go through a million scenarios in
my head of Edward hurt, lying broken on the ground and Jacob standing over him
triumphantly. No, that couldn’t have happened. I’ve been with either Edward or
Jake all night, there’s no way Jacob had time to get to Edward. But his friends
Quil and Embry….Oh god.
I’m trembling now, frantically shaking my head, “Jacob what have you done? Did
you hurt him? Please don’t hurt him Jake, please! I’ll stay with you, I’ll never talk
to him again, just please tell me you won’t hurt him!”
His expression is spiteful and I recognize his tone as the one he uses when he’s
about to snap, “Listen to you Bella. Do you hear yourself? You’re pleading for the
safety of someone who’s NOT your boyfriend! How do you think that makes me
feel, huh Bells? God, you’re such a cheating slut!”
He pulls his arm back to land a smack to my still bruised face and I fall back from
the force of it, hitting the side of the house as I go.
All the sudden I hear loud footsteps and the door bangs open, revealing a very
confused Emmett. The confusion melts away into fury as Emmett realizes what’s
going on. He grabs Jacob by the shirt and pulls him away from me.
“What the hell is going on here, huh? You must be Jacob. I’ve been wanting to
meet you for a very long time.”
He smiles an intimidating smile and without warning puts all his weight (which as
we all know is a lot) into a massive punch to Jake’s stomach.
The wind is knocked out of him and he can’t even speak. He just groans and
doesn’t try to get up. I’ll be surprised if he’s not bleeding internally from all the
hits he’s taken to the stomach in the past few days.
Emmett comes over to me and helps me up, pulling me into a bear hug, “Bella
are you alright? Did he hurt you? Oh man, I heard someone yelling but I didn’t
know it was him! I just came out here to look for you!”
I smile reassuringly and pat him on the arm, “No Em, I’m fine. Thank you so
much for showing up when you did though. I owe you, big bear.” He chuckles at
the nickname and I look over at Jake, who is still on the ground.
I slowly walk over, holding a hand to my tender face and leaning down to Jacob’s
crumpled form. This is the end, for good this time—but for some reason it still
hurts to let him go. Tears are running down my face as I whisper,
“Jacob Black, I am not yours. I was once, but not anymore. I haven’t been yours
for a long time now. You broke me, you know. I didn’t even care; I just let you do
what you wanted with me. But I’m done waiting for my Jake to come back. You’re
a different person now, and I hate you for all the things you’ve done. Don’t ever
come near me again. Ever.”
Then I add frantically, “Now what have you done to Edward? Where is he?”
Before Jacob can even look up to reply, Emmett cuts in, “Edward was looking for
you! But that was a while ago. He came running into the backyard a few minutes
ago with a weird look on his face. Did something happen with you two?”
Now I’m confused, “No, I haven’t seen him since I came in to get more drinks.
Jacob intercepted me, obviously. He said something that made me think he hurt
Edward somehow though. Where was Edward headed the last time you saw him?”
Emmett shakes his head, “He was heading upstairs last I saw him. Like I said, he
looked weird. Like freaked out, and kind of hurt. That’s why I thought maybe you
guys got into a fight or something.”
Shit. He must have seen me and Jake kissing. That would explain why Jacob was
acting so weird right afterwards. He kissed me and grinned smugly because he
knew Edward was watching.
And the cliché continues.
But Edward should have known that I wouldn’t be kissing Jacob of my own free
will. Does he have that little faith in me?
And I wonder why he would go upstairs…unless he’s with some girl up there. God,
my life is just one big cliché, apparently. I have to find him. I hurriedly wave bye
to Emmett and whisper “Thanks” one more time before going inside and heading
in the direction I believe the stairs to be.
Before I can take one step up, Jasper comes up behind me. I turn around, to find
that leaning on Jasper is a very drunk Edward. But his eyes look strange, his
pupils completely dilated. Fuck. He’s high.
Jasper shouts into my ear, trying to be heard over the horrible rap playing, “I
found him sitting in the backyard in front of the fire, mumbling incoherently about
‘my Jingle Bells’ and ‘filthy dog’ and ‘eating ripped arms’. What the hell
happened?”
I want to laugh at the absurdity of this fucked up situation and cry at the
realization that Edward fell off the wagon because of me. Well, partly because of
Jacob, but mostly because of me. Fuck, fuck, FUCK!
I’m shaking my head sadly and watching Edward, who is glaring at me and
jerking his body around in random motions. I have no idea what I’m supposed to
do.
I take Edward off of Jasper, but quickly realize I can’t support him on my own. I
turn to Jasper, “Jazz, can you help me get him to his car? I’ll take him to my
house. Charlie’s gone for the weekend, and I can’t take him home to his parents
like this.”
“Yeah sure, just let me go tell Alice to stay near Emmett and Rose. This party is
getting out of hand, and I think we’re gonna leave soon too.”
As he walks off to find the others, I sit Edward down on the stairs and sit next to
him to keep him from falling over. His skin is so hot it feels like he has a bad
fever, and he can’t sit still. His eyes are rolling around in his head, and he keeps
looking around like someone’s calling his name. I don’t know if these are effects
of coke, or if he’s drunk too, or if he took some other kind of drug. This is bad.
When the others show up, Emmett and Jasper pick up Edward and support him
between the two of them. Edward’s hand suddenly reaches out and grabs mine,
pulling it to his face and kissing it fiercely in random spots. Then he starts
cracking up like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever seen. And then he gets a sudden
burst of energy and tries to run out of Emmett and Jaspers’ grasp.
It’s weird and scary to see calm, cool Edward acting so different. I hope I can
handle him in my house alone. He just keeps babbling incoherently.
We finally get to the car; the guys shove Edward into the passenger seat and dig
through his pockets for his keys. Edward is giggling madly and squirming away
from their hands like a mischievous toddler. I reach into his front jean pocket and
instead of squirming away, he leans his body into mine and smiles seductively.
I feel something that is definitely not his keys, and know that he is going to be
really embarrassed in the morning when the guys make fun of him for this.
Hell, I’m embarrassed for him.
I finally find his keys in the inside pocket of his black leather jacket and start up
the car. I wave goodbye to the others, thanking them for their help and
promising to call in the morning.
The drive home is irritating and bizarre, with Edward singing along to some weird
Spanish song he finds on the radio; he doesn’t even know the words. He’s just
speaking random things in time with the music. It would be hilarious if he wasn’t
annoying the shit out of me.
I attempt to distract myself from thinking about all the crazy crap that happened
tonight, and the painful throbbing on the side of my face. I think about the fact
that I have officially broken up with Jacob. It’s surreal and hasn’t sunken in yet. I
just can’t believe how things have turned out. I mean, I used to dream of
marrying that boy. These thoughts aren’t doing a good job of distracting me, so I
force myself think about how Edward’s Volvo is seriously smooth and easy to
drive; now I see why he loves the damn thing so much.
I pull into my driveway and say a quick thank you to whatever deity it was that
decided to make Charlie be gone for the whole weekend. Edward is going to be
sleeping this off for a while.
I miraculously get him upstairs to my bed without falling down the stairs. I pull
off Edward’s shirt, too pissed off to really care that his perfect body is shirtless in
my bed. He’s still singing, actually in Spanish this time. I didn’t even know he
knew Spanish.
After I get him tucked in, he stops singing and tries to pull me into bed with him.
When that doesn’t work, he tries to get up and follow me out of the room. I have
to turn around and push him backwards to the bed, and now he’s trying to take
off my shirt. I smack his hands away and he pouts, managing to look adorable
and annoying at the same time.
Then the giggling starts up again and he won’t stop until I get in the bed with
him. Finally, after I’ve kicked off my shoes and gotten under the covers with him,
he shuts the hell up. Although he keeps wriggling around trying to get
comfortable.
I hold him down, attempting to get him to cease his movement, but I think that
turns him on or something. Maybe coke just does this to a person. He grins and
snuggles up with me, pressing me against him and allowing me to feel his
arousal.
Damn him for being sexy even when he’s high as a kite. He’s whispering
nonsense into my ear and his breathing is erratic. But not in a turned-on way;
more like in a drug-induced way.
I look over and his eyes are closed. He’s all sweaty and pale, feverish and sick
looking. I run to the kitchen to get a glass of ice water and wet some washcloths
with cold water.
I run back upstairs full speed, quickly sitting him up and get him to drink some
water, and then put a washcloth behind his neck, on his chest, and over his
forehead.
I’m trying to think of other ways to cool him down, because this isn’t working fast
enough. I think about what I’ve seen on TV about this sort of thing and all I
remember is cold showers. I go as fast as I can into the bathroom and run an ice
cold bath, knowing that holding him up in a slippery shower would be impossible.
Once the tub is almost full, I rush back into my room to find Edward shaking and
shivering on the bed, sweating profusely. I practically drag him over to the bath
and use all my weight to toss him in, shoes and all. He lands with a splash and a
loud curse, “FUCK!”
He tries to jump out, but I use my last bit of strength to hold him down. It’s not
too hard considering he’s really weak and tired out by now. He sits in there for a
while with his eyes closed. I hold my ear to his mouth and then his chest, trying
to listen for his breathing pattern and heartbeat.
Thankfully, he’s breathing fairly normally. His heart is still beating really fast, but
it’s not as bad as it was earlier. He’s stopped shaking so violently, now only
slightly shivering from the cold.
After about twenty minutes, I figure he’s been in there long enough and put his
arm around my shoulder. My muscles scream in opposition as I strain to lift
Edward’s now wet and limp body out of the tub.
Suddenly he gains a little strength and helps me lift him. His eyes flutter open
and he stares at me for a minute, blinking rapidly. He mumbles, “Bella, you’re so
pretty” and weakly reaches up to touch my face.
I roll my eyes. Even delirious, the boy’s a charmer. We slowly make our way back
to my bed and I set him down, grabbing his legs and pulling them up so he’s
lying down. I get a couple of extra quilts from the cabinet and put them over his
shivering body. He tries to pull me down with him again, and this time I’m too
tired to resist. The last thing I remember is reaching for the remote to my stereo
and pressing play, letting Death Cab for Cutie’s ‘Company Calls Epilogue
(Alternate Take)’ fill the room.
Playlist: Cartel- Wonderwall (Really any version works, but this one fits the mood
best. I also like Ryan Adams’ version), Ash- Vampire Love, Death Cab for Cutie-
Company Calls Epilogue (Alternate Take)
Have any of you guys seen that video of Robert Pattinson singing? His voice and
music style weren’t what I was expecting, but it wasn’t TOO horrible lol. What do
you think?
Please Review!
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 11
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/11/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hey guys, thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and I’m sorry I took
so long to update (and that this one’s a bit short). Enjoy and please review!
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these characters; Stephenie Meyer does. I’ve only
messed with their stories and personalities.
Chapter Eleven
Drugs Or Me
Stay with me
You're the one I need
You make the hardest things
Seem easy
Keep my heart
Somewhere drugs don't go
Where the sunshine slows
Always keep me close
If only you could see the stranger next to me
You promise, you promise
That you're done
but I can't tell you from the drugs
Don't let go
We'll dig a great big hole
Down an endless hole
We'll both go
You're so blind!
You can't save me this time
Hope comes from inside
And I feel so low tonight
If only you could see the stranger next to me
You promise,
You promise that you're done
But I can't tell you from the drugs
I wish that you could see
This face in front of me
You're sorry, you swear it: you're done
But I can't tell you from the drugs
I need your hands to pull me up
To pull me up
Take the wheel out from me
Take me so far
Keep my heart
Somewhere drugs don't go
Where the sunshine slows
Always keep me close
I’m woken up around noon by a bunch of loud shuffling and muttered curses. Not
the most fun way to wake up, but when you open your eyes and see Edward
Cullen standing in front of you half naked, trust me-- you’ll take it.
I perk right up at the beautiful sight that is Edward shirtless, but then grimace at
the realization that I probably look like crap. He looks over at me with a grimace
of his own, but I’m hoping that it’s at the raging headache he’s probably
experiencing and not at my horrendous appearance.
I remember the events of last night, and my subsequent annoyance and
disappointment in Edward; suddenly his grimace seems justified. I can’t believe it
was all real. But one touch to my face proves it; the bruise Jacob left there is
proof enough that it all really did happen. This morning is going to be awkward. I
can’t imagine how Edward felt waking up next to me, since I doubt he remembers
much of what happened. We obviously need to talk.
He looks at me blankly and says quietly, “Hey. Thanks for taking care of me last
night. I’ll just get dressed and be out of your hair.”
Maybe he does remember…I wonder if he remembers how many times he tried to
take my clothes off…
With that in mind, I scramble out of bed gracelessly, “No, don’t worry about it;
we can talk about it later. And don’t go yet! I’ll make us breakfast. I’m guessing
you’re in need of a lot of strong coffee and maybe some pancakes?”
He hesitates, but eventually nods, “Alright. I’ll let you take a shower and meet
you downstairs.”
He heads over to the door and makes his way to the living room. I hear the TV
come on and I rush into the bathroom, intending to take the fastest shower
possible. But once I’m under that hot water, things slow down considerably. It
just feels so damn good that I almost forget there’s a very gorgeous, very
hungover boy in the living room waiting for me to make him breakfast.
I rush through the rest of my routine, towel drying my hair and pulling on some
comfortable jeans and a soft, light grey T-shirt. I stumble down the stairs to find
Edward sitting in one of the mismatched kitchen chairs, arms on the table, head
down.
“Hey, sorry I took so long. So pancakes, right?”
He raises his head slowly and squints against the light filtering through the
windows, rasping, “Coffee.”
I chuckle softly and lean over the sink to close the curtains and block out the
sunlight, “Oh yeah, sorry I forgot. Coffee coming right up. ”
His mouth smiles slightly, but his eyes look inexplicably sad. After that we fall
into an awkward silence. It’s unfamiliar territory; Edward and I rarely have
awkward silences. He usually fills any halt in conversation with music banter and
jokes. He seems too preoccupied and bothered to be chatting mindlessly. I can’t
take it anymore, so I sigh and start to prepare the coffee.
“Edward, are we going to talk about what happened last night?”
He looks down and studies his hands with a scowl, suddenly pissed, “Nope.”
Needless to say, I’m already exasperated, “Seriously, why did you do that? Why
did you break your promise? I know it’s hard, but you said you’d try. You were
doing so well until last night! Do you realize you hadn’t touched any coke for over
two weeks? What made you go back on all that?”
I’m afraid to hear his answer, because I’m pretty sure he’s just going to confirm
what I already know: it’s my fault. He growls and runs a hand through his hair,
irritated.
“Bella, I’m not talking about this. I mean it. I guess I’m just not strong enough to
quit, okay? I’m sorry! Okay?”
His tone turns mocking, but I can hear the hurt underneath it, “I’m sorry I’m not
as perfect as you want me to be.”
I sigh frustratedly, “Edward, come on. I’m not Miranda here. You can tell me
whatever it was that made you break your promise.” I add silently in my head,
“and what’s making you so upset”.
He looks up sharply, “Bella, I don’t want to talk about this. You know what set me
off. Let’s just drop it, okay?”
“No, it’s not okay! All I know is, Jacob cornered me and started kissing me while
you were off doing lines with a bunch of cokeheads! You promised me Edward!”
His shoulders tense and he shakes his head confusedly, “What?! He cornered
you? But I saw you guys talking and making out, and then he…he smiled at me
like he…he…won or something. I thought you were going to take him back…”
I laugh humorously, “Edward, you’re an idiot. Honestly, didn’t you see the look on
my face? How could you possibly misinterpret shock and disgust for forgiveness
and love? You’re so ridiculous! Look at the bruise he left on my face. Not exactly
conducive to getting back together.”
He growls defensively, “Hey, how the hell was I supposed to know? You’ve stayed
with him this long! What’s keeping you from going back to him this time, huh?”
I sigh resignedly and whisper, “You are.”
His eyebrows raise as high as they can go, “What?”
My voice gets louder without my permission and I cross my arms tightly across
my chest, “I said you are. You are keeping me from going back to him. Are you
happy now?”
He shakes his head and looks up at me, “I still don’t know what you’re talking
about. What am I supposed to be happy about?”
I’m yelling at him now and can’t really control what is coming out my mouth,
“You’re keeping me from going back to Jacob because I don’t want him anymore.
I want you! You, you dumbass!”
Silence.
Oops. That was definitely not supposed to come out that way. I can’t take it back,
but then again I’m not sure I want to; he needs to know how I feel about him.
How I’ve felt about him since the beginning.
Edward’s face is shocked and filled with some unidentifiable emotion, and he
doesn’t say anything for the longest time. I feel tears brimming at the rejection I
already know is coming. Okay, maybe he didn’t need to know.
He takes a deep breath and looks down at his hands.
“I-I don’t know what to say, Bella. I’m…sorry…but…this--this can’t happen. I can’t
let it happen. I’m no good for you. I don’t want to hold you back.”
There’s a tense silence and he refuses to look up at me.
“You…don’t…want…me?” My voice comes out thick and hoarse. I can’t process
what he’s saying, only picking up on the most painful words and trying to string
them together into coherency.
He shakes his head, “I’m sorry Bella. My parents called while you were in the
shower. They told me that after I didn’t come home last night, they realized that
I need more help than just therapy. Like you said, I can’t keep going like I’m
going and expect things to just work out for me. So they’ve arranged for me to
go to a rehab center in Colorado, and I agreed to it because I thought you were
back with Jacob. But even though you aren’t, it still doesn’t change anything. I
don’t know how long I’ll be in rehab, and it’s not fair to you. You deserve better
than me.”
The tears are leaking down my face at his blatant dishonesty, “You don’t have to
lie to me Edward. If you don’t want to be with me, just say it. Just please don’t
ever lie to me like that. I-I-I think you should…leave.”
His mouth tightens into a thin line and he nods curtly. He replies in a strangled
voice,
“Yes, I think I should go. I’m sorry Bella, but it’s for the best. Trust me, you don’t
need someone like me in your life. I’ll just screw it up even more.”
I shake my head, holding the sobs back stubbornly. I’m not crying in front of him
again. I should have known this would happen. Edward has it wrong--it’s me that
doesn’t deserve him. Haven’t I said that all along? ‘It doesn’t change anything.’
He stands and grabs his leather jacket off the back of the kitchen chair, walking
quickly out into the hallway.
I follow him in a trance-like state, looking at the back of his bronze head the
whole way to the front door. He opens the door and steps out, but then turns
back abruptly and grabs my hand. He pulls it up to his face and kisses my palm,
trying to look into my eyes, but I refuse to look up from the ground.
He gently presses that familiar leather jacket into the hand he just kissed and
whispers close to my ear, “Goodbye, Jingle Bells.”
I watch as he runs through the pouring rain to his Volvo, getting in quickly and
speeding off. I stand there staring at the corner his car disappeared around for a
good hour, clutching his sweet smelling jacket to my chest.
Occasionally I press the palm that he kissed up to my own lips, desperately trying
to memorize the taste he left on my skin. ‘It doesn’t change anything.’
This feels like a bad dream—it’s surreal. I am so pathetic, and now I have no one.
Maybe I should have just stayed with Jacob after all. At least then I wouldn’t be
alone. Why does this always happen to me?
Life allows me to be happy for the briefest instant, but then rips it away just as
quickly. I was so happy with Jacob at first, when we were younger, before he lost
his mom and everything turned to shit. Then I was miserable for over a year,
until I met Edward.
I wasn’t quite happy, but I could see myself getting there eventually, as long as
he was with me. But now he’s gone, just as I knew he would be soon enough. I
guess I really don’t deserve happiness. I’m back to where I started, except Jake
isn’t even here. I took a chance by telling Edward how I felt, and it blew up in my
face. He left me.
Maybe I’m meant to be alone. I feel like shouting, “I told you so!”
I tried to tell myself all along, I knew this would happen. Tried to protect myself
by not feeling anything for anyone. Dead inside, that’s what I was. Empty and
dead, that’s what my eyes were in Edward’s portrait of me. Edward.
I was a fool to think that he and I could help each other. That I could do him any
good, or that he could pull me from my depression. He doesn’t want me—he
never did. ‘It doesn’t change anything’.
Apparently, it was a good thing to be so vacant. It would have prevented this
feeling that is worse than any amount of emptiness. Sorrow, regret,
disappointment, pain. This is what my life is, what I have become. ‘It doesn’t
change anything.’
Playlist: Jimmy Eat World- Drugs or Me, Brand New- The Boy Who Blocked His
Own Shot (I had a hard time choosing between this and Drugs or Me for the
chapter title, because these lyrics are perfect too), Copeland- Love Affair, Damien
Rice- 9 Crimes
Please Review!
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 12
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/12/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hey guys, thanks SO much for the awesome reviews I got for the last chapter!
I’m bowled over by all of you support and suggestions. Warning, this chapter is
very depressing. But I hope you like it anyways
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns these characters, not me. So don’t sue please.
Chapter Twelve
Storm
How long have I
Been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head
If I could just see you
Everything will be alright
If I'd see you
The darkness will turn to light
And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright
And everything will be alright
I know you didn't
Bring me out here to drown
So why am I 10 feet under and upside down?
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface
If I could just see you
Everything will be alright
If I see you
The darkness will turn to light
And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright
And I will walk on water
You will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright
I know everything is alright
Everything's alright
Depressing. Boring. Annoying. Lonely.
These words describe therapy for the past three months. God. It’s been a whole
three months since he’s been gone. A whole three fucking months.
In those three fucking months, I’ve gone through all of the stages of grief,
according to Miranda.
Denial: “I don’t care that he is gone. It’s not that bad. I’m not really even upset
anymore.”
Anger: “Why would he just leave like that? God, I’m so over this! I hate him for
having this effect on me!”
Bargaining: “If I never talk to Jacob again, maybe Edward will come back. I’ll do
anything he wants me to, if he would just come back.”
Depression: “I deserved this anyways. There’s no point in trying to forget about
him. Why should I even try?”
Acceptance: ….Actually, I’ve yet to master this stage. I think I’m forever in limbo
between depression and acceptance. I’ve accepted that he never wanted me. I’ve
accepted that he’s never coming back for me. But this acceptance just leads to
more depression. What a sick fucking cycle.
But life goes on, even when I don’t particularly want it to. Charlie still forces me
to go to therapy, even when I throw big fits about it. Well, I threw big fits when I
was still in the anger stage. Now, I just shuffle out to my truck without complaint.
Edward is gone. But unfortunately, Miranda is still hanging around, giving out
stupid advice and ‘inspirational’ messages like always. No one understands why
his leaving had such a big affect on me, not even the other group members.
“Come on Bells, we’re all going out for pizza tonight. And you’re coming, no
matter how much you fight it.”
I roll my eyes and shrug my shoulders at Alice, not bothering to say anything
verbally. I think this worries her even more, instead of being faintly reassuring
like I meant it to. I’ve never been good at pretending.
I squeeze myself into her tiny, bright yellow Porsche and she speeds off, driving
faster than even Edward did. It’s sick how my every thought revolves around
him.
Have you ever noticed how hindsight makes every little fucking detail of what you
did wrong crystal clear in your mind? It’s not really helping me recover when all I
do is think about how stupid I was to have waited so long to break up with Jacob.
Or how stupid I was to have pushed Edward into quitting. If I had just left him
alone about it, he might have quit on his own. And then he wouldn’t have
relapsed, and then his parents wouldn’t have sent him to rehab.
Or if I had never talked to Jacob the night of the party. If I’d never left Edward’s
side, he wouldn’t have seen me and Jake kissing, assumed I was taking him
back, and agreed to go to rehab. He would have fought to stay here. To stay here
with me.
That last thought is what always gets me: He would be here with me right now.
And any way you look at it, it’s my fault he’s not.
Can you believe how pathetic I am, wallowing over this boy that I spent weeks
hating, then weeks loving, and now three months without? I’ve spent more time
without him than I did with him! It’s sad, really.
But I can’t help it that he left a permanent mark on me. Not the way Jacob did.
Edward didn’t leave bruises or scars on my body. Well, maybe he did mark me
physically, in a way. Sometimes it’s like I can feel it, feel the break in my chest.
Sometimes I can’t breathe because of it, like I’m suffocating because of it.
Sometimes it hurts so bad that I can’t even cry. I’m just….numb because of it.
Have you ever felt that way, or am I the only one? Am I just crazy, to feel like
this? If you say I’m insane, I’m not gonna argue; even I think I’m crazy
sometimes.
We pull up to the pizza place and Alice dances around to my side of the car,
dragging me out the second my seatbelt is undone. Alice will be Alice.
The others park next to us in Emmett’ huge red jeep that makes Alice look like a
dwarf whenever she stands anywhere near it. Its hulking shadow looms over her
and she has to crane her head nearly all the way back to look up at Jasper, who
has just opened his door. I bet from up there, Alice looks like a toddler to him;
you know, with those big eyes staring up at you and those little arms reaching
out, waiting for you to pick them up?
Jasper jumps down from the seat and grabs Alice up into a hug like they haven’t
seen each other in days, instead of just the ten minutes it took to drive over
here. The sight of them is bittersweet. I’m happy for them, but they have what I
want. What I would have if he were here.
Well, actually, probably not. Because he made it clear that he doesn’t want me.
Then again, since he’s not here, I can imagine whatever I want and he can’t
dispel my hopeful thoughts. Those thoughts that are the only thing keeping me
going at this point.
But on the flip side of that argument, if he was here I wouldn’t need those
thoughts to keep me going-- because he would be here to do that. Okay now I’m
just rambling in circles; never a good thing.
Suffice to say, I’m envious of Alice and Jasper. And Rosalie and Emmett too, who
get closer every day. In fact, Emmett has mostly cracked through Rose’s tough
exterior. She’s much more willing to be vulnerable in front of him—she laughs
and jokes and even playfully punched him in the shoulder once last week.
Their relationship is strange to witness if you didn’t know both of their
backgrounds. Emmett follows Rose around like a (humongous) lost puppy, but
never gets close enough to touch her. She has to be the one to come to him, and
she seems to prefer it that way.
Maybe it makes her feel stronger if she sees that a huge guy like Emmett is
totally at her mercy.
And Emmett…well, Emmett doesn’t mind as long as he gets to be within a ten
foot radius of Rose. His admiring eyes follow her wherever she goes, which I’m
sure makes her feel more confident and protected. I know I would, if I had a boy
doting on me the way Emmett does on her.
About a month ago, Rose started one on one therapy with a different psychiatrist,
and since then she’s been a little less distant. I’m guessing that means her
psychiatrist is actually helpful, unlike Miranda. They moved her out of her father’s
house, much to Emmett’s relief. Now she lives in a boarding house with a few
other kids in her same situation.
She told us that she gets along well with everyone there, except for this one girl,
Tanya. Apparently Emmett, Alice, and Jasper came to pick her up from the house
one evening, and Tanya was all over the boys. Alice put Tanya in her place fairly
quickly, but Rose (as much as she wanted to) couldn’t do anything for poor
Emmett, because she really has no claim on him.
I told her that was a bunch of bullshit. All you have to do is look in Emmett’s eyes
and you can see the claim Rose has on him. She giggled and shook her head.
Denial.
I got kind of pissed at her for ignoring her feelings for Emmett. I told her she
needs to appreciate what she could have with him if she just got the guts to tell
him how she felt. She can’t take Emmett for granted, because she’s so lucky that
he feels the same way for her. She knows he would never leave her.
Then I burst into tears because I wasn’t really talking about Rose. Damn
hindsight was sneaking up on me again.
Pesky little bugger.
But Rosalie seemed to understand and gave me a hug, rubbing my back and
telling me it was okay. Which completely caught me off guard. She never allows
physical contact, even with other girls. I suppose she really is getting better.
Rose saunters up to Emmett after they both exit the monster jeep and his jaw is
about to fall out of its socket. I guess he hadn’t seen what she was wearing until
she got out of the car. She does look pretty amazing: tight faded jeans and a
grey tube top with silver heels. I have no clue what I’m wearing until I look down
at myself.
I haven’t been paying much attention to my appearance lately, much to Alice’s
chagrin. I look plain and boring as always in ratty old jeans, a tight royal blue T-
shirt, and old beat up Converse. Oh, and Edward’s leather motorcycle jacket,
even though it’s way too big on me. I still wear it every day, to the point where it
doesn’t really smell like him anymore. It’s depressing and comforting at the same
time.
Anyways, I’ll admit that this isn’t my most attractive outfit. But then again, it’s
not like I have anyone to impress. I’ve lost all the weight I had gained back, and
then some.
Gaunt and lifeless, just like before he came into my life. Except there are no hand
shaped bruises decorating my arms or face. No abusive boyfriend waiting for me
at home. No one waiting for me at home at all, actually.
Charlie’s been gone for the past week at some conference or other. Who knows?
We barely speak anymore unless he’s telling me he won’t be home for dinner. I
guess he’s noticed that I’m worse off than before, but he doesn’t know what else
to do with me. That would explain the concern and fear I see in his eyes
whenever he looks at me.
Emmett holds out his hand to Rosalie, letting her choose whether to touch him or
not. She grabs his hand delicately and his face lights up like she just agreed to
marry him. She smiles gently and Alice hops over to me and stage whispers,
“Ohmygod Bella, did you see that? How cute are they? I just know they’re going
to end up together. Look how perfect they are for each other! This is so
awesome!”
She then proceeds to squeal directly in my ear, causing me to cringe and
hurriedly walk backwards, unknowingly right into Jasper’s waiting arms. He gives
me a short hug and whispers quickly,
“Cheer up Bells. We miss you, you know. Alice misses you the most. Come back
to us, for her sake.”
I shake my head and look innocent like I don’t know what he’s talking about. But
I know. I know all too well. Stupid Jasper and his emotional sensitivity. He’s
trying to ambush me so I have no time to argue or get defensive. I sigh
dejectedly and go back over to Alice, saying quietly,
“Yeah Alice, I’m so happy they’re getting closer.”
She nods her head up and down approximately four times; I can’t keep track
accurately because she’s nodding too fast. The others walk into the pizza place;
Emmett and Rose are pressed together and holding hands (oblivious to the
outside world) and Jasper is behind them, winking at Alice discreetly. I think I
know what’s coming. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Pixie seems to have made a plan
with Jasper to tag team me tonight. She grabs my shoulder to stop me from
following the group and commences Phase Two of Operation Get- Through- to-
Bella. She says quickly,
“Bella, listen-- I know you’re unhappy. But I miss my friend! If there’s anything
you want to talk about, I’m here okay? And Jazzy and the others too. We love
you, and hate seeing you so depressed. You can’t let Edward affect your
progress, you know? We want you to get better. Plus, how much would it suck if
we all get to leave therapy and you’re still stuck there alone?” She chuckles
quietly and I laugh a little under my breath.
“Yeah, yeah Alice, I’ll try. It’s just….I just miss him so much, you know?
It’s….hard without him. I know you guys don’t understand what all happened
between us, but it was….important to me. I-I miss him being here.”
Now I’m trying to hold back the tears that are clouding my vision and Alice is
pulling me down to her height so she can hug me properly. I’m shaking from the
effort it takes not to sob out loud. I’m also angry at myself for letting her see me
like this.
I force myself to chuckle through my tears and say hoarsely, “Al, we need to get
inside before Jasper has a coronary. You know he can’t handle you being out of
his sight for more than ten minutes without assuming that you’re dead and
having a nervous breakdown.”
Here’s a tip: If you ever want to get Alice off your back so you can stop lying to
her about getting better, mention Jasper. She goes all bubbly and forgets that
there’s anyone in the universe besides him.
She giggles her high soprano giggle and tugs on my hand, eagerly leading me
inside to the table the others are seated at. Emmett is already scarfing down his
own pizza, and Rose is nibbling on a salad next to him. The contrast actually has
me giggling along with Alice, for the first time in a long time.
It’s like I’m on autopilot. I let all my surface emotions show, so no one suspects
how deeply depressed I am. It works better than I thought it would.
I can tell because Emmett’s mouth (still full of chewed up pizza) is hanging open
at my sudden mood change and Jasper is watching me with smugness and pride
in his eyes. He thinks the mission was accomplished. They are all looking at me
and I point to Emmett, indicating that I was laughing at him.
The others look over and sure enough, Emmett’s mouth is working rapidly again,
swallowing huge amounts of pizza without really chewing. Have you ever seen a
snake eat a mouse? That’s what Emmett looks like when he eats. It’s revolting
and hilarious at the same time.
Everyone else is cracking up now and people in the restaurant are starting to look
at us like we’re all crazy. Which we are. Emmett’s laughter is shaking the booth
and a little girl on the other side is bouncing up and down from the force of it.
The girl’s dad is glaring at Emmett because every once in a while, he’ll laugh so
hard that the kid almost slides off the seat, and the dad has to catch her before
she hits the ground. This makes us all laugh even harder.
It feels good to laugh like this, even if deep down I know it’s not completely
authentic. I don’t think I’ve cracked a smile in three months, let alone a genuine
laugh. The rest of the night goes in pretty much the same fashion, Emmett doing
stupid stuff and making the rest of us laugh.
While Alice drives me back to the parking lot, I’m remembering all the times
Edward did the same thing. Images flash through my mind of the two of us
singing along to various songs, doing funny dance moves and mocking each
other. Things are so different now. I barely listen to music anymore; I can’t bear
to. The only things I do listen to are depressing, whiney songs that Edward would
make fun of me for. That’s probably the only reason I can stand it; because I
know it’s nothing he’d ever listen to. Any song he might have possibly liked, I
steer clear of. Basically all of my music is off limits.
Alice drops me off at my rusty red truck and waves out the window as she drives
away, smiling hugely. I wave back feeling guilty, because I know I’m getting her
hopes up. She thinks I’m getting better, when I know I’m not. One night doesn’t
change the fact that I’m miserable.
I drive home in silence, due to the aforementioned musical dilemma. Not that my
radio works anymore anyways. Edward broke it one afternoon when he got
impatient and jammed the power button too hard. It’s been stuck on this weird
classical station ever since.
Two days after he broke it, we had been driving around with nothing to do when
a song came on that made us pause to listen. It started slow and soothing, just a
simple piano. Then it built and built and became this beautiful, complex melody
that was stuck in both of our heads for days. It was called ‘Clair de Lune’ by
Claude Debussy. It became one of our favorites after that, and Edward bought it
so we could listen to it in his car any time we wanted. Now it’s my least favorite
song in the entire world, for obvious reasons. Hindsight rears its ugly head yet
again.
As these memories are flooding back, tears are flooding out. I’m driving in a
haze, my vision blurred and fuzzy. I stop when I realize that I’m not on my way
home anymore. I guess I took the turn to La Push without even really thinking
about it. I’m parked right by the cliffs that Jake and his friends used to dive off
of. At second glance, I realize that I’m actually on the higher cliffs that are too
dangerous to jump from. I have no clue why I’m here.
I turn off my truck and hop out, leaving Edward’s leather jacket inside. I walk
slowly over to the edge of the rock face and remember when I used to be too
scared to even go near the edge, afraid my clumsiness would kick in and I would
fall.
Now that I’m already partially dead, that fear is overpowered by curiosity
and….something else.
An idea, in the back of my mind.
An idea that is now leaving the idea stage and quickly moving into the planning
stage.
A very dangerous, very beautiful idea.
I would get relief from this constant state of pain and misery. Of guilt and shame.
Of love for him and hate for myself for driving him away.
I wouldn’t have to worry about anything anymore. I wouldn’t have to look at the
worry in Charlie’s eyes every time he looks at me. Or the pity in Miranda and the
groups’ eyes. Or the accusations in my own eyes every time I pass a mirror. I
drove him to leave me.
‘It doesn’t change anything.’
Edward, why? Why did you go? What did I do wrong?
‘I’m sorry Bella’
‘It still doesn’t change anything’
With his voice in my head, repeating the words that he used to shatter me, I
shuffle closer and closer to the cliff’s edge. I look down to see waves breaking
violently over sharp rocks at the craggy cliff bottom. I hope I don’t land on those.
I take a deep breath, the deepest I can handle with the gaping hole in my chest.
Tears are leaking down my face in a steady stream, but I’m not sobbing or upset.
It’s like my body knows what I’m about to do and is sad that I’m going to kill it.
But my mind is rejoicing that this torture is almost over. Edward’s words repeat
again, as if my brain is reminding my body why it’s doing this. That is the last
push I need.
I raise my arms above my head slowly and stand up on my tip toes, letting the
cold wind whip my hair around wildly. I calmly say my goodbyes to everyone.
Alice, I’m sorry.
Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, even Miranda, I’m sorry.
Renee, I’m sorry.
Charlie, I’m sorry.
Edward, I love you.
‘It doesn’t change anything.’
Goodbye.
I arch my back and stretch my arms higher, closing my eyes and jumping
gracefully into nothingness without a second thought.
I’m silent on the way down and my eyes stay sealed shut. After what seems like
an eternity of freefalling, I hit the water hard; the freezing temperature is painful
and then quickly becomes numbing. Now my body can be numb like my mind.
I realize after a minute that I’m still alive. I barely missed the rocks, thankfully.
I’ve always preferred to drown. It seems much less messy.
I’m getting my wish now. My limbs slowly stop attempting to swim to the surface.
The tide is pulling me further away and further down, violently and inexorably. I
let it take me without a fight, opening my eyes and being greeted with velvety
blackness. They slowly adjust and now everything is a deep, dark, midnight blue.
I watch the bubbles that my fall caused rise to the surface as my lungs start to
feel the need for air.
All of my senses are useless except for sight-- the view down here is beautiful.
This was a good choice. I’m peacefully suspended in the water, not moving. It’s
quiet; I can’t hear the waves anymore. I can’t even feel my own heartbeat-- I
might as well be dead already. I feel nothing but my lungs burning.
I use this time to come to terms with what is about to happen. I’m going to die
down here, at the bottom of this deceptively tranquil, murky ocean.
Eventually, my bodily reaction will be to gasp for air, even though my mind
knows that doing so will not give me what I crave.
Instead I will choke on the black sea water, letting it fill my lungs and suffocate
me. My consciousness will slip when my brain doesn’t get any oxygen, and I will
slowly die.
My body will wash up on shore unrecognizable, because although I escaped the
rocks on my way down, the tide will shift and push my corpse right into their
waiting arms.
Or maybe my broken body will be found by some fishermen tomorrow, all swollen
and chewed up by fish.
Either way, this is the end. The end of everything. I find that I don’t mind at all.
Another few seconds and I won’t be able to take the ache in my lungs any longer.
‘It doesn’t change anything.’
Goodbye Edward.
‘I’m sorry.’
I’m sorry too.
I love you.
I wish you could say it back.
Playlist: Lifehouse- Storm, Brand New- Play Crack the Sky, Death Cab for Cutie-
Transatlanticism, Mazzy Star- Into Dust
Please Review!
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 13
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/13/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hey people! Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I got the most I
ever have for one chapter! It’s good to hear what you’re thinking, just to get a
feeling for what you want more of and what you dislike. Read and enjoy!
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters, not me. So there.
Chapter Thirteen
Lie In the Sound
I love you more than I should
So much more than is good for me
More than is good
Oh the timing is cruel
Oh I need and don't want to need
More than I should
I am falling
Say my name
And I'll lie in the sound
What is love but whatever
My heart needs around
Oh my sheet is so thin
So I say I can't sleep because
It's so very cold
But I know what I need
And if you were just near to me
Would you go...
I am falling
Say my name
And I'll lie in the sound
What is love
But whatever
My heart needs around
I am falling
Say my name
And I'll lie in the sound
What is love
But whatever
My heart needs around
And it needs you
Too much
Now.
Bright lights. Well, the movies got that right at least. All I can see are bright
lights through my eyelids, and all I can hear is this obnoxious beeping noise and
soft murmurs in the background. Wait, aren’t the white lights only for people
going to heaven? I thought all suicides went to hell. All I know is that I’m
extremely uncomfortable. Something is scratching against my skin and I try to
open my eyes to see what it is, but my eyelids are too heavy. Then I faintly hear
voices, but they’re slightly distorted.
“Shhh, I think she’s waking up!”
“No she’s not. Back up Emmett, I can’t see!”
“Yeah she is you guys! Look, her eye is twitching. Man, I’ve never seen
someone’s eyelid twitch like that. Maybe she’s about to have a seizure!”
“Emmett! She is not having a seizure. Now I told you to move your fat head, I
want to see her!”
“Ouch! Jasper, control your demon pixie girlfriend! She bit me really hard! I think
I have rabies!”
“Shut up, both of you. If Bella is awake, I doubt the first thing she wants to see is
your ugly mug, Emmett.”
“Rosie, I thought you liked my ugly mug.”
Feminine giggles. “Emmett, you know I think your ugly mug is cute.”
More feminine giggles.
“Dude Emmett, you giggle like a girl.”
“I do not! Whatever Jasper, you’re just jealous that I can actually be eye level
with my girlfriend.”
“God, both of you! Shut up! I think Emmett was right, Bella is totally awake.
Bella, can you hear me?”
I’m confused, and I get the feeling that I’m not actually dead. But that’s
impossible. I squint and then pry my eyes open fully to see four people crowded
around the hospital bed I’m lying in. So that’s why I feel so uncomfortable. You’d
think that, considering how many times I’ve been in the hospital, I would have
realized it sooner.
I guess that means I’m really not dead. I feel a slight hint of relief that I’m not in
hell, but mostly disappointment that I can’t even commit suicide without failing.
Great.
I try to speak but my voice is really scratchy and hoarse. All I can ask is,
“Water?”
Alice bounces over to a side table and comes back holding a glass. She tries to
hand it to me, but when I try to move my hand, it only gets about six inches off
the bed before I have to drop it. It’s too heavy to lift.
Alice rolls her eyes, “Well, that’s what you get for scaring us like that.”
And with that, she holds the glass up to my lips for me. I take huge gulps of it
like I haven’t had a drink in years. My throat still throbs and my eyes feel kind of
swollen. My whole body aches and my joints feel stiff. I probably look like crap.
Alice sets the glass back on the table and turns to me with a pained expression.
Here it comes. But I have a few questions first.
I whisper softly, “How did I get here? How long have I been in the hospital? When
can I leave?”
“Whoa, one thing at a time. First question: Some guy from La Push saw you jump
and went in after you. He towed you to shore and brought you here. Everyone
had been out looking for you when you didn’t come home and the last thing they
did was check the hospitals. You’ve been here for three days because you were in
a coma. You can’t leave any time soon, because you’re under suicide watch.
Which brings me to the question: How could you? Why would you do that to us?
To your family?”
I sigh, but it comes out hoarse and broken, “I don’t know. I just wanted it to be
over. Who is the guy that saved me? Is he okay? Are my parents here? What
time is it? How long have you guys been here?”
The entire group sighs this time. Rosalie bends down and gives me a relieved
hug, tears leaking out of her blue eyes, but I’m too weak to hug her back.
“Bella, why would you try and leave us like that? I missed you and you were only
in a coma for three days! I can’t even imagine how it would feel if you had
actually died. Your parents are both here, and they are really freaked out. Your
mom couldn’t stop crying. We’ve all been taking turns visiting you.”
Seeing Rose cry is heartbreaking. Even when telling the story of her rape, she
didn’t cry. It’s unbelievable that she would cry over something like this. I feel
immensely guilty, which causes me to start crying. Pretty soon, Alice is joining
our hug and bawling with us. I can’t stop the tears; it’s like a release. I guess I’m
not completely empty after all.
I look over Rosalie and Alice’s shoulders to see Jasper and Emmett standing there
awkwardly with their heads down. I weakly reach out to both of them and
whisper,
“Aw you guys, come here.”
They rush over to our little group hug and join in, Emmett unsuccessfully
attempting to muffle his sniffles. I didn’t realize that this would affect them all so
much. My guilt increases when it hits me how selfish I’d been. But that doesn’t
make the desperate pain, that horrible feeling of powerlessness, go away. I still
miss Edward, and the fact that he’s not here holding me is just magnified when
we’re all together like this. I need him.
Then a memory strikes me and I whisper- shout,
“Wait a minute. Did Emmett just call Rosalie his girlfriend?! When did that
happen?”
Emmett and Rose look at each other and grin back at me. Emmett speaks up (no
surprise there),
“Yeah! I asked Rosie the first day we visited you in the hospital! She was really
upset about you and um….everything. And I hated to see her like that; I just
wanted to make her feel better. So I finally got the balls to ask her out, and she
said yes! I guess I owe you one Bells, cuz if it wasn’t for you going all kamikaze,
we never would have gotten together!”
Everyone looks at me like they’re waiting for me to start crying all over again at
Emmett’s little declaration, but I just start laughing. Really, truly laughing.
Rosalie deserves to be happy, and I only feel a small prick of envy this time. I
know she and Emmett belong together, and they need each other. Who am I to
begrudge them their happiness? At least one good thing came out of my little
stunt.
Suddenly the door bangs open and I hear a shriek,
“Charlie she’s awake! Oh my god, Bella’s awake!”
I sigh brokenly and pull away from my friends as my mother runs over and
crushes me to her, sobbing.
“Bella, oh my baby! I was so worried! Are you okay? Do you need anything? Can
I get you anything?”
I don’t let the fact that Renee seems happy fool me. I know she’s going to be
furious in about three….two….
“Isabella Marie Swan! How could you do that? What were you thinking? No, you
weren’t thinking! Why would you ever even try something like that?! Oh my god!”
“Renee, calm down. Give her some breathing room. She’s still weak; you can’t
manhandle her like that.”
Charlie walks into the room and after he has calmed Renee a little, he turns to
me with a stern expression,
“Bells. How are you feeling? I guess that’s a stupid question, I mean you did
jump off a cliff!! Bella! How could you be so stupid? Didn’t you think about what
this would do to your mother and me? You would have left behind all the people
who love you!”
No. I would have left behind the one person who doesn’t love me. But I can’t tell
them that.
I look down sheepishly, but inside I still feel a little defiant. I mean, Charlie is
never around! He barely talks to me, but now he’s all self-righteous like he would
be truly hurt if I died. And Renee is too wrapped up in Phil to even notice me.
Like she would care if I was dead. I want to tell them both to back off.
Then the guilt hits me again, only ten times harder. How could I think my father
wouldn’t care about me? Of course he does, he just works a lot. It’s not his fault.
And my mother just remarried; she’s bound to be preoccupied. I know they both
care about me.
“It was kind of a last minute decision. I didn’t really think it through, I guess. I’m
sorry I worried you all so much.”
That bit about not thinking it through is a lie, but they don’t need to know that. It
will just worry them more, and make them even angrier. The last thing I need is
to have my every move watched from now on. How annoying would that be?
After my little apology, a young blonde doctor knocks on the door and smiles
serenely. The atmosphere is still tense after Charlie yelled at me, but the doctor’s
entrance calms everyone back down. He strolls in with a clipboard at his side.
“Hello Bella, it’s nice to see you awake. How are you feeling? Any pains in your
limbs or throat? I’m sure you feel a little out of it; that is because of all the pain
medication we’ve had you on to keep you in a medically-induced coma. You gave
us all quite a scare! For a while there we weren’t sure you were going to make it.
You had the worst case of hypothermia I’ve ever seen, and you were unconscious
due to lack of oxygen. Mr. Uley got to you just in time. A couple more minutes
and you would likely have suffered permanent brain damage. As it stands, you
don’t seem to have any memory loss, so it’s fair to assume that you will make a
full recovery.”
“Wait, did you say Mr. Uley? Is Sam the one that saved me?”
Charlie answers for the doctor, “Yeah Bells, he and Emily had been up on the
cliffs and saw you….ah, jump. He jumped in after you and brought you to shore!
Can you believe it? You owe that boy your life.”
This is all a lot to take in, to say the least. One of Jacob’s friends saved me? And
Emily is Leah Clearwater’s cousin. I thought for sure they both wouldn’t mind too
much if I died-- I guess I underestimated them. Wow. Sam Uley saved my life.
He’s always been on the fringe of Jake’s group, so I never really got to know him
very well. He’s older than Jacob and his friends, and much more serious. I
suppose I shouldn’t be so surprised that he would be a good guy. Oh my god,
does that mean Jake knows I jumped too? I bet everyone in town knows by now.
Wonderful.
I turn my attention back to the hot doctor, just now realizing that I have no idea
what his name is.
“Um, yeah I definitely owe Sam. Uh, I’m sorry, but what did you say your name
was, doctor?”
He looks sheepish, “Oh, I beg your pardon! I can’t believe I was so rude as to not
introduce myself! It’s just that I feel I already know you, after all I’ve heard from
E—uh….everyone. Ah, I’m Dr. Cullen, but you can call me Carlisle.”
No. No. NO.
Dr. Cullen.
Carlisle Cullen.
Dr. Carlisle Cullen.
As in, Edward Cullen’s father, Carlisle Cullen.
What. The. Fuck.
I literally cannot escape thoughts of Edward. No matter where I go or what I do,
he’s there, haunting me. More like taunting me, actually. Life can’t be this cruel.
Dr. Cullen said he’s heard so much about me from….everyone. He hesitated for a
second, like he was going to say something else. Like he was going to say that
he’s heard so much about me from Edward. Edward talked about me to his
parents? He never told me much about his home life after he explained his
childhood. I only know that he was adopted by a young doctor and his wife, and
that they treat him as if he were their own son. And that their last name is
Cullen.
What a sick coincidence this is. Fucking karma, for trying to kill myself.
Somebody up there is enjoying this. Enjoying torturing me.
“Oh…um…okay…”
I’m stuttering and when I look over at my friends, they’re all giving me a knowing
look. They knew it was Edward’s father and didn’t warn me? Some friends they
are.
Well, I guess they didn’t really have much time to warn me, considering we had
about five minutes to ourselves before Renee barged in, screaming like a
banshee. I just keep wanting to lay the blame on other people. It happened--
there’s no avoiding it. But even though I’m not completely ready to face the
consequences for what I’ve done, I can’t say I regret it. I’m too selfish, not to
mention confused and frustrated. I was wholly prepared to face the consequences
of my death, but I have no clue how to deal with the fact that I’m alive and
everyone’s mad at me.
In an effort to shake these thoughts, I examine Dr. Cullen. I look at him in a new
light now that I know he’s Edward’s father. I thought he was incredibly good
looking when I first saw him, but now that I’m comparing him to Edward, there’s
no competition. Edward will always be the most….strangely….beautiful guy I’ve
ever seen. He truly is gorgeous. No wonder I have no chance with him.
As these thoughts spin around and around in my mind, I feel my eyes getting
heavier. Suddenly I’m beginning to feel the effects of the jump, and my strength
is practically nonexistent. My head falls back onto the pillows and before I slip off
into sleep, I dimly hear,
“Okay, everyone out. Bella needs to rest and give her body a chance to recover.
She would be able to go home tomorrow, but we have to keep her under suicide
watch for the next 72 hours. I’m sorry.”
xxxxxxxxxxx
I’m on the cliffs where I jumped. It’s raining, the wind is blowing fiercely, and I’m
just sitting on the edge with my feet dangling off. The rain has soaked my clothes
but I don’t feel the cold. Then suddenly, someone sits down next to me, dangling
their feet off as well. I turn, already knowing who it is by the electricity than runs
through my body whenever he’s near.
Edward takes my hand in his and leans down to whisper in my ear,
“Hey Jingle Bells. What are you doing up here?”
I smile at him and lean into his body to answer,
“I’m waiting for you. Where have you been?”
He chuckles,
“Silly Bella. You’re going to catch a cold up here. Where’s the jacket I left for
you?”
I frown. I knew something was missing.
“I don’t know what happened to it. I’m so sorry I lost it Edward.”
He shakes his head and puts his arm around me,
“Don’t worry about it. I missed you, you know.”
I look up into his emerald eyes and see that he’s telling the truth. He really did
miss me.
“I missed you too, more than you know. Why did you leave like that? Don’t you
love me?”
“You know I had to go. I told you that you deserve better than me.”
“I thought you were just saying that. I thought you didn’t want me.”
He looks inexplicably angry,
“That’s crazy. I’ll always want you, forever. You really don’t see yourself clearly.”
My answering smile is radiant and genuine,
“You love me?”
His anger fades quickly and he grins back, sincerity and truth in his eyes,
“Of course I love you, silly girl. I’ve always loved you. And I always will, forever.”
We sit up on those cliffs together, and it’s just like before he left. Except this is a
thousand times better. Because he loves me.
xxxxxxxxxxx
I wake up the next morning and feel empty again, because it was all a dream.
But then I feel a familiar leather jacket wrapped around my body, and hope
blooms in my chest. I open my eyes and the hope dies quickly, because he’s not
here. He’s not coming back. Instead of Edward, I find Alice sitting by my bed,
looking at me with worried eyes.
“Hey, are you okay?”
I summon my strength and struggle to sit up. With Alice’s help, I’m able to at
least lean against the pillows in a sitting position, but I still can’t hold my own
weight.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”
She looks at me and knows I’m lying. She shakes her head,
“Bella, you’re not fine. You were calling out his name in your sleep. I went to your
house while you were sleeping to find his jacket. I thought maybe it would help.”
I sigh, “No, I’m not fine. But thanks for getting the jacket. It does help. I won’t
be fine for a while, but thanks for being here. It means a lot. I thought you guys
would hate me after what I did.”
Alice laughs without a trace of humor, “We couldn’t hate you, or we would have
to hate Jasper too. Or did you forget you’re not the only one to ever attempt
suicide? Jazz really understands how you’re feeling, you know. You can talk to
him any time; he wants to help. We all do-- we love you Bella. And that’s why
we’ll be here to kick your ass if you ever do anything like this again. Okay?”
I chuckle and nod slowly, still getting used to moving my stiff body, “Yeah I get
it. I love you guys too. I don’t think I regret trying, but I won’t do it again. I
won’t disappoint you all anymore.”
She reaches over and hugs me gently, “Good. Well, now that that’s all settled, we
talked to Dr. Cullen.”
I wince at his name and she pretends not to notice.
“He said if we got you to promise not to try again, he could pull some strings and
get you out of here tomorrow. Then you can go home and rest up, because once
you get your strength back, we’re going shopping! Those baggy, depressing
clothes are not cutting it missy. You need to wake up from your haze and get
back to the land of the living. And the best way to do that is to look your best!
I’m so excited! I haven’t been shopping in days because we’ve been here all the
time. And plus, Rose wouldn’t come with me. I think your little stunt really
freaked her out. You guys are the closest, and she trusts you the most. She was
seriously scared that you would die and leave her without anyone to confide in.
You need to talk to her.”
What Alice said is right. I knew this would hurt her and Rose the most. At the
time, I was too wrapped up in my depression to really care all that much, but
what I promised Alice is true. I won’t try it again. I think, as long as I have the
group to help me, I can handle this. Right now I’m not sure, but I hope I can. I
feel too guilty to do it again. But I’m going to suffer for making that promise.
Because I still want to be selfish and end it all. I just can’t do that to them. Damn
them for caring so much.
I sigh deeply and make an effort to be grateful that Alice is trying so hard to
cheer me up, “I know. Is Rose here?”
Alice smiles, probably because she got her way, “Yep! I’ll send her right in!”
She gives me one more soft hug and dances out of the room. It’s quiet without
her rapid chatter. I take these few minutes to wrap Edward’s jacket tighter
around me and pull it up to my nose. I can barely smell him on it still. The scent
comforts me like nothing else can. The door opens silently and Rosalie gracefully
makes her way to the chair Alice just vacated. She smiles at me cautiously and
takes my limp hand in hers.
“Hey Bells. How are you feeling? Do you need anything?”
“No Rose, I’m fine. How are you doing?”
I know this small talk is going to end pretty soon. If I know Rose as well as I
think I do, her temper is about to explode, and I’m going to bear the brunt of her
anger.
She gives a small smile and shrugs, “I’m okay, I guess. I’m happy that Emmett
and I are finally together. I wish you had been there to see it.”
Her voice raises, “But what I really wish is that you hadn’t jumped off that damn
cliff! How could you Bella? How?”
I sigh for the millionth time today, “Rose, I know you’re mad at me. I’m sorry for
not thinking about how it would affect you. But you know how miserable I’ve
been. You can’t honestly tell me you weren’t expecting it.”
She shakes her head, “I really wasn’t. I thought you were stronger than that. You
put up with an abusive boyfriend for over a year, but you can’t handle Edward
being gone for three months?”
I wince at her tone, “You know how much he meant to me, Rose. When he left, I
felt unwanted and hurt. I felt like I could never be happy again. I still feel that
way. I need him, and I thought he needed me. But I wasn’t good enough, so he
left me. How would you feel if Emmett did that to you?”
Rose looks on the verge of tears again, “Bella, how could you think that? He loves
you, we all could see it. He does need you; don’t you remember how much he
changed when you guys became friends? He was a better, more contented person
because of you. But he still has issues, and he needs more help than you can give
him. That’s not your fault. Trust me, he didn’t leave because he doesn’t want
you. He left because he needs help and he doesn’t want to hold you back. You
deserve someone who can take care of you and love you, and he can’t do that if
he’s addicted to coke. So he went to get better. You should be proud that you
made him want to quit, you know?”
I’m shaking my head, because she’s just telling me things that I already know
are not true. Edward doesn’t love me.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Let’s talk about you and Emmett. How
did he ask you to be his girlfriend?”
She looks at me with a pleading expression, “Bella, stop it. Stop trying to change
the subject. I can tell that you don’t believe me, but it’s true. Edward loves you,
and he’ll come back. I know he will. He’s just as stubborn as you are, remember?
I need you to promise me that you won’t leave me. Promise you won’t attempt
suicide again, because I know he’s coming back. You can’t die when there’s a
chance that I’m right. Even if you think there’s a small chance that he’ll return,
you have to promise you won’t. ”
I roll my eyes, “I already promised Alice.”
It’s her turn to roll her eyes now, “I know that, stupid. I’m asking you to promise
me.”
I look down at my hands, “Alright Rose. I solemnly swear that I will not try to kill
myself again.”
She grabs me into a fierce hug, “Good. I love you Bella, and I need you here with
me. I just want you to be happy.”
I hug her back with as much strength as I can, which isn’t saying much.
“I love you too, Rose. I’m glad that you and Emmett can finally be together.
Who’d have thought that when we started therapy, everyone would end up
coupled off, huh?” Well, except for me.
We laugh and she tells me all about how Emmett finally asked her to be his.
Apparently, he got down on one knee in the waiting room of the hospital, and
made a huge scene when she said yes, picking her up and shouting to all the
nurses that he’d landed the most beautiful girl in the world.
As she’s telling me all this, her eyes shine with love and adoration, and I feel that
prick of envy again. A small one, but still there. I suspect that as long as I keep
having dreams of Edward, I’m going to be feeling that way. But I wouldn’t stop
the dreams for anything, because when I’m in them, I’m the happiest I could
possibly be.
Playlist: Trespassers William- Lie In the Sound, Ivy- Edge of the Ocean, The
Dandy Warhols- Sleep
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 14
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/14/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hey faithful readers! Thanks for putting up with so much emo-Bella-ness lol. I
think you’re going to like the end of this one. So read on, enjoy, and then review!
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I play around with them. Also,
I keep forgetting to mention that I borrowed the phrase “crouching tiger, hidden
pixie” two chapters ago from teamedward23. Thank you!
Chapter Fourteen
You Could Be Happy
You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played on loops 'till it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind you how we were?
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door
You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do
More than anything I want to see you go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world
The next afternoon I’m finally released from the hospital. I’ve never been more
ready to leave any place, ever, in my entire life. Mostly because seeing Carlisle is
just too awkward. Luckily, I was able to avoid an excess of weirdness by
pretending to be asleep every time he came to check on me.
Anyways, even though I’m out of the hospital, I’m still pretty much immobile. So
Rose and Alice are going to have to take turns helping me take care of all those
stupid human necessities, such as peeing and bathing. Who really needs to do
either of those things anyways?
Overall, I would say that I’m feeling annoyed and grateful at the same time.
Annoyed for obvious reasons, and grateful to my friends for being so
understanding. I’m extremely thankful that Charlie has adopted a ‘don’t ask,
don’t tell’ policy. I think it scares him that his kid jumped off a cliff, but he’s even
more freaked out at the possibility of actually having to talk about it.
Renee left early this morning, so I don’t have to deal with her fussing anymore,
thank god. Also, I’m grateful that because of my aforementioned immobility, I
don’t have to go to therapy sessions until I’m back on my feet. No Miranda to
deal with? Yeah, I’d say I have a lot to be grateful for.
I’m sitting in the living room curled up in Edward’s leather jacket, as I have been
for the past three hours since I got home, when the doorbell rings. I suspect that
a mob of Forkians have been creeping around my house, waiting for me to come
back from the hospital so they can satiate their morbid curiosity.
The chief’s troubled teen daughter trying to off herself? I bet you a hundred
bucks that was the headline of today’s issue of The Forks Daily, or whatever they
call the pathetic excuse for a newspaper they have in this miniscule town.
Obviously I’m in no condition to get up and answer the door, and Charlie went to
work for a few hours, so I’m pretty much out of options. I just yell as loud as my
still hoarse voice will allow,
“Come in! It’s open!”
I figure that the odds of it being a psycho killer are rather slim. Besides, what
kind of amateur killer would stop to knock before they murdered me? I hear
hesitant, shuffling footsteps and lean my head up on the couch to get a look at
whoever it is. And I’m confused on how I should feel when I see that it’s Sam
Uley.
I give a weak smile and beckon him over, saying bluntly,
“Hello Sam. I was definitely not expecting you. Um, have a seat.”
This is going to be a strange conversation, to say the least. What do you say to
the man who risked his life to save you, when you didn’t even want to be saved
in the first place? He ambles over to Charlie’s recliner and smiles back at me
awkwardly. He starts in a quiet, polite voice,
“Thanks Bella. How are you feeling?”
I appreciate his attempt at normalcy.
“I’m doing fine, thanks for asking. How are you? You weren’t hurt when you,
ah….jumped, were you?”
Apparently, I don’t know how to be normal. I just dive right in (no pun intended).
He chuckles and shakes his head slowly,
“No Bella, I’ve jumped off those cliffs quite a few times over the years. I wasn’t in
any danger. I can’t say the same for you though, I suppose.”
I look down at my hands and reply softly,
“No, I suppose you can’t. I’m sorry you felt the need to jump in after me. I didn’t
particularly want to be rescued. Not that I’m not grateful, I mean. I-I….yeah….I
guess that was my bumbling way of saying thank you. Thank you for saving my
life.”
That last line is said half-heartedly, and he laughs loudly,
“No problem. I was up there with Emily when she all the sudden started freaking
out, and I looked over just in time to see you leap. It was mostly instinct to go
after you. But I hope I won’t need to do it again. That water was pretty damn
cold.”
I laugh softly along with him and realize that Sam really is a good guy. Here I
am, basically telling him that I wish I had died, and he’s cool enough to joke
about it with me. He doesn’t seem all overly concerned, and he’s not pressing me
for details, but he gets his point across just the same. I like him; his strange
sense of humor reminds me of Edward.
I visibly wince at Edward’s name popping up unexpectedly, and Sam notices. He
puts his hand on my shoulder in a surprisingly brotherly fashion and says calmly,
“If you don’t want to tell me, I understand, but I have to ask. Why did you do it?”
Ah, the million dollar question. I guess I should get used to it, because when
school starts up again I’m sure everyone is going to be asking me that. I decide
to give him a fairly simple and truthful answer.
I sigh heavily and look up into his intelligent dark brown eyes,
“That’s sort of a complicated question. There were a few reasons I did it, but
mainly I was just depressed. But I’ve since promised a lot of people that I
wouldn’t take any more ‘drastic measures’, so no worries-- you won’t need to be
saving me again anytime soon.”
I chuckle humorlessly, but his face stays thoughtful,
“I see. Well, I thought it might have had something to do with Jacob Black. I’d
seen you around with him pretty often, but lately he’s been with Leah Clearwater
24/7. I thought maybe you guys had a messy break up or something.”
He’s pretty perceptive, and normally I would be annoyed by this fact. But for
some reason, his prying doesn’t bother me. It feels good to be talking to a
relative stranger about this. Someone who doesn’t know anything about the
situation and won’t smother me with questions or presumptions. I guess I feel
like Sam won’t judge me. I nod quickly, thinking that it will be better to just tell
him all of it.
“Yeah, Jake was the start of it. We had a….dysfunctional relationship, to say the
least. He treated me badly, and I was too forgiving to leave him. But I met
someone else, who helped me see how messed up I was. So I dumped Jake, and
from what you said, he hooked up with Leah right afterwards. Well actually, he
had cheated on me with her quite often, so I’m not surprised they’re together
now. I’d been having a rough time after Jake and I broke up, and that same
friend helped me through it. But then he left, and I just sort of….lost it. I gave up,
basically.”
He nods understandably and gently pats my shoulder in a comforting gesture,
“I know how you feel. After Leah and I broke up, Emily helped me through it. And
after Emily was attacked by a bear last fall, I helped her. We’ve been inseparable
ever since, and I don’t know what I’d do if she left me. So I get where you’re
coming from, and I’m not going to overstep my boundaries by attempting to give
you advice. I just want you to know that Emily and I are here, if you want to talk.
And there are a lot of people who care about you. So I hope you don’t do
anything…‘drastic’, as you put it.”
I smile at him in thanks and lean over to shake his hand. We bonded so quickly
that it’s hard to believe I basically just met him. Maybe it’s a victim/rescuer
thing? Not that I’d call myself a victim, since it was my own doing, but you know
what I mean. I’m finally starting to be a little appreciative that he jumped in after
me. For the first time, I’m sort of glad that I didn’t die.
He smiles back and pulls me in for a light hug. I’m surprised and pleased that I’m
not feeling uncomfortable with this random guy hugging me. I usually don’t
appreciate unnecessary touching, unless it’s Edward of course.
We stay like that for a few seconds, until I hear a throat clear. We both look up
and I almost have a heart attack when I look over Sam’s shoulder to find Jasper
and Emmett standing in the doorway. Did I mention the intimidating, protective
looks they’re both sending in Sam’s direction? I chuckle nervously, because I
know what they’re thinking. I lean back onto my makeshift bed and break the
threatening silence,
“Uh…hey guys. This is Sam Uley. He’s the one who saved me when I-- er, you
know….jumped.”
Both boys wince at the mention of my jump, but I’m happy to see that the
intimidating looks are replaced with awe and admiration. They practically run
over to poor Sam, and Emmett pulls him into a weird…man hug. After about a
minute, Jasper is still thanking Sam profusely and Emmett is finally loosening his
bear hold.
Sam laughs and looks over at me like, ‘are they always like this?’ and all I can do
is glance fondly over at Jasper and Emmett and nod at Sam as if to say, ‘yeah,
but you gotta love them’.
He laughs again and comes back over to me to give me one more brief hug,
“Remember what I said. We’d be happy to have you any time.”
I grin back, “Thanks Sam. Really, thank you. I’ll see you around.”
As Sam heads out the door, Jasper and Emmett come over and try squeeze onto
my tiny couch/bed, nearly crushing my already crippled legs. But I can’t tell them
that, because they look so excited to see me. I’ll just suck it up, I suppose.
Emmett cracks a grin so big his dimples show, and Jasper reaches over to mess
up my hair. They really are like my annoying older brothers.
Jasper says, “Hey Bells. How’s our little patient doing?”
Emmett says, “Dude, if she’s your patient, shouldn’t you be wearing a nurse’s
costume?” and then proceeds to laugh at his own joke. Or perhaps he’s laughing
at the mental image the joke conjured up.
Jasper rolls his eyes and says mischievously, “No, I usually reserve the nurse
costumes for Alice.”
Emmett abruptly stops laughing and starts covering his eyes, like Alice popped
out of thin air and is now standing in front of him in a naughty nurse outfit.
I chime in, “Sorry Emmett, I don’t think covering your eyes is going to burn that
image out of your brain.”
It’s funny how easy it is to slip into a joking pattern with them, considering the
serious talk I just had with Sam. It feels good to be lighthearted right now. And
unlike the night I jumped, my smiles are a little more genuine. I’m not relying on
autopilot as much anymore.
Emmett groans, “Why god? Why? She’s like my little sister! Okay, I know how to
fix this. I’ll just picture Rose in the outfit instead! Hah! Yes, that definitely
worked…”
There’s a dreamy silence on Emmett’s part for a few seconds, until I realize what
he’s doing on MY couch.
“Eww Emmett, don’t think dirty thoughts on my couch! I have to sleep here, you
know! Ugh, now I have to have this thing fumigated, or sanitized, or whatever
you call it. I’m telling Rose you said that!”
He looks panicked, “No Bells! You can’t do that to me! She’ll freak out and think
I’m some kind of perv or something! Please Bella, I’ll never think dirty thoughts
anywhere near this couch ever again.”
I give him a stern look and he holds his hands up,
“Okay, okay. I’ll never think dirty thoughts anywhere near this house ever again.
Happy?”
I grin smugly, “Very. So what brings you guys here anyways? You do know that
I’m not letting either of you help me in the shower, right?”
Emmett groans again, “Bellaaaa! I was just getting over the Alice image, and
then you had to go and bring that up?”
I give him a fake offended look, “Are you saying you think I’m unattractive?
That’s really mean. I’m crushed.”
He shakes his curly head and laughs, “You’re a terrible actress. And you know
you’re beautiful. But you and Alice are my beautiful little sisters, whereas Rose
is….just….amazing. And definitely NOT my sister.”
My offended face softens at the complete devotion I see in Emmett’s twinkling
eyes. Rosalie really is amazing, and I’m so thankful that she found someone who
will appreciate and worship her, the way she deserves. I look over to see Jasper
in a similar state as Emmett, no doubt thinking of Alice. And once again, I’m the
one left out.
I sigh dramatically to bring them out of their stupors and ask again, “No
seriously. Not that I’m not glad to see you both, but why are you here? How
come the girls aren’t with you?”
Jasper is the first to break out of his Alice-induced haze and replies, “Rosalie and
Alice thought it would be a good idea if I came to talk to you. You know, since we
sort of have something in common now.”
“It’s a hell of a thing to have in common.”
We both chuckle and he continues, “Yeah, no kidding. Anyways, when I told
Emmett I was coming over here, he whined like a two year old until I said he
could come too.”
We look over at Emmett who is grinning sheepishly. I ruffle his hair and reply,
“Well, it’s good to see you both. I’m glad you came.”
Jasper clears his throat and I immediately know the funny banter is over. Here
comes the heart to heart. Wonderful.
I guess I shouldn’t be so sarcastic, I know they’re trying to help. And Sam’s talk
helped a little; who’s to say Jasper’s won’t? I’m just too cynical these days, to the
point where I don’t even notice that I’m doing it anymore. It just pours out.
Probably some sort of convoluted defense mechanism or something.
“Okay Bella. You know why I’m here, and I know you don’t want to talk about
this. But trust me, I honestly know what you’re going through. You feel
disappointed and relieved at the same time. You are angry at Sam for saving you,
and angry at yourself for not dying like you wanted to. Am I close?”
My mouth is gaping, because he truly has me all figured out, right off the bat. Am
I that transparent? I just nod dumbly, in awe at his ability to put all my feelings
into words so simply, when I’ve been struggling to do so since I woke up.
He continues, “I thought so. What went through your mind right before you
jumped? Right before I started swallowing pills, I was just thinking that it was a
good way to go. That it would be like I was falling asleep, and I would never have
to wake up. I felt like I was ready to die. Is that sort of how you felt?”
Again, I nod dumbly, but add, “Um, yeah, pretty much. I was looking around as I
was sinking to the bottom, thinking about what would happen to my body. I was
thinking that I was perfectly alright with ending everything right then and there. I
was…at peace with it. So you can imagine my shock and disappointment when I
realized I had failed. I was pissed that I couldn’t do anything right, even kill
myself.”
Emmett is watching this entire exchange with a look of pain on his face, and after
my last confession, he grabs me and Jasper into a tiny group hug. He’s really into
hugs, in case you didn’t figure that out yet. In fact, this whole day has been one
big hug-fest. It’s starting to get sickening.
I pull away, signaling Emmett and Jasper to do the same. Jasper continues like
nothing happened,
“Bella, I know you’re not going to get over this for a long time, but believe me; it
gets so much better. I know this sounds stupid and cheesy, but when I met Alice,
I was so grateful that I didn’t die. It hurts to see you in the same place that I was
in a few months ago. I really want to help you, but I can only do so much. I don’t
know a lot about your relationship with Edward, but I did see how close you guys
were. I understand that his leaving was hard on you. But you have so many other
things in your life besides Edward. And think about it: how would he feel if he
found out that you tried to kill yourself because of him? He would never be able
to forgive himself. I know he really likes you-- maybe even loves you. The way
you both looked at each other….it was intense. I don’t think that he would leave
because he didn’t want you anymore. I seriously think he’ll come back. And you
need to be here when he does.”
Wow. I think he and Rose compared notes or something. She said almost the
exact same thing to me yesterday. Talk about déjà vu. At least I was prepared
for it today, and there are no embarrassing tears. Well, not coming from me.
Emmett is once again trying to disguise his sniffles as coughs.
I look into Jasper’s clear blue eyes and see that he’s being sincere. He really does
think Edward is coming back. But I refuse to let myself hope, until I hear it from
Edward himself. Even so, I have to thank Jasper for talking to me about his
suicide attempt. I know he doesn’t like to talk about it either. It’s not exactly the
most joyous of topics. Fortunately, this is where Emmett comes in.
“Okay, enough of this girly crap. Come on Jasper, we need to go do some manly
things….chop wood…barbeque something…go fix something with a power saw…”
Jasper and I look at each other and try not to break into hysterical laughter at
Emmett’s definition of ‘manly things’. The look of pure concentration on Emmett’s
face as he continues his rant is enough to make me lose it. We all have to lean on
each other for support, because even Emmett is laughing at himself now.
After a few more minutes of poking fun at Emmett, and a few sincere thanks,
Jasper and Emmett finally leave me in peace. I have kind of a lot to mull over.
It’s good to know that Jasper really does know exactly how I’m feeling.
It….comforts me, I guess.
After about an hour of mind numbing television viewing (what is up with reality
TV these days?) I hear the doorbell ring again. You’ve got to be kidding me. I
obviously still can’t get up, so I must resort back to calling out,
“Come in! It’s open!”
I hear footsteps approach the entrance to the living room and I start to turn my
head to see who it is this time. But an achingly familiar velvet voice makes me
freeze completely.
“You know, you really shouldn’t let just anyone into your house like that. I could
be a psycho killer or something. But on second thought, what kind of amateur
killer would stop to knock before he murdered you?”
Oh. My. God.
Playlist: Snow Patrol- You Could Be Happy, The Motorhomes- Into the Night,
Annuals- Fair, Space Needle- Never Lonely Alone
Gah! How many of you liked the second Twilight movie teaser trailer? I liked most
of it, but some parts were just too cheesy. Like the shot of them bumping hands
in the car…so stupid and unnatural! And James overacts like nobody’s business
lol. Other than that, I really liked it. But I love pretty much anything concerning
Twilight, so I’m not a very good judge lol. Please review and let me know what
you thought!
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 15
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/15/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Holy crap you guys! I got so many reviews within hours of posting the last
chapter. I wasn’t planning on updating until Monday at the earliest, but so many
of you were begging me to update soon. I just couldn’t say no! So here’s to
everyone who reviewed—Thank you so much! Now read on and enjoy some ExB
goodness.
Chapter Fifteen
A Message
My song is love
Love to the loveless shown
And it goes on
You don't have to be alone
Your heavy heart
Is made of stone
And it's so hard to see you clearly
You don't have to be on your own
You don't have to be on your own
And I'm not gonna take it back
And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that
You're the target that I'm aiming at
Can I get that message home?
My song is love
My song is love unknown,
But I'm on fire for you, clearly
You don't have to be alone
You don't have to be on your own
And I'm not gonna take it back
And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that
You're the target that I'm aiming at
And I'm nothing on my own
Got to get that message home
And I'm not gonna stand and wait
I'm not gonna leave it until it's much too late
On a platform, I'm gonna stand and say
That I'm nothing on my own
And I love you, please come home
My song is love, is love unknown?
And I've got to get that message home.
“You know, you really shouldn’t let just anyone into your house like that. I could
be a psycho killer or something. But on second thought, what kind of amateur
killer would stop to knock before he murdered you?”
Oh. My. God.
I turn my head around so fast I’m pretty sure I give myself whiplash. I think I’m
dreaming.
He walks towards me with his usual swagger and gracefully seats himself on the
recliner opposite me, where Sam had been sitting just a couple of hours ago.
Yeah, this is definitely a dream. One of the best dreams I’ve ever had. But then
again, I can feel that electricity running through my body. I can feel it like he’s
really here.
He chuckles, “You still have my leather jacket, I see.”
I pull the familiar jacket tighter around my body unconsciously. I can’t even
imagine what expression is on my face, but Edward seems to find it hilarious.
He’s staring at my face and laughing, but I detect a hint of relief in his eyes.
Relief? I’m….confused. And a little angry that he’s still laughing at me.
I struggle to find words and end up just blurting out,
“I-I….What are you doing here?”
His face immediately betrays his shock and hurt. At least he’s done laughing.
“Do you not….want me here?”
I try to sit up abruptly, but end up struggling just to lift myself enough to lean my
back against the pillows.
“No! I mean, yes! I want you! Uh….here, I mean. I want you here.”
His expression brightens again and he chuckles, sitting forward with his hands
entwined in a fist on his knees. Awkward pause.
“Sooo…how are you feeling?”
Okay, now I understand the relief I saw in his emerald eyes. Someone told him.
And he was afraid that I would be a big wreck or something. He probably even
knows that I did it because of him. And that I am a big wreck without him. God,
could this be any more uncomfortable?
“I’m fine.” I say it a little too quickly, and he rolls his eyes.
“Yeah sure, and that’s why you jumped off a cliff.”
A wave of inexplicable anger and defensiveness hits me, and my face turns red in
agitation.
“Excuse me, but who told you that? Seriously, you have no right to throw that in
my face. You have no idea. No idea.”
He shrugs, “Alice called me yesterday. She told me what happened and that you
were in bad shape. I called Carlisle to ask how you were doing, and he confirmed
what Alice said. So I figured I should come and check on you.”
His little explanation does nothing to soothe my rage.
“Oh, so you felt obligated to come and make sure I wasn’t dead? What, did you
feel guilty? What else did they tell you, huh?”
He holds his hands up in surrender, balking at my anger. He’s never seen me get
this worked up. But in response, he’s starting to get angry too.
“Look, that’s all they told me. And why the hell would I feel guilty? You’re the one
who tried to kill yourself! You should feel guilty for almost giving me a heart
attack! When Alice told me you jumped off a cliff, I thought you were dead! What
the fuck were you thinking Bella? I never thought you would be so fucking
stupid!”
Things are starting to escalate faster than I even thought possible. It’s like I
never knew I was angry at Edward for leaving until he showed up here, and now
all my pent up aggression is being released. This time, my anger gives me an
adrenaline rush (it’s very common, you can Google it! lol) and I’m able to sit all
the way up, leaning towards him and pointing a finger in his face.
“Fuck you! You don’t know what it’s been like here without you! You’ve been gone
for three months! You have no clue what I’ve been through in those three
months. So don’t you dare lecture me. Why would you care if I was dead
anyways? You left! You left me here alone!”
After that reality sinks in all over again, my anger is gone and the hurt and
vulnerability are back.
He stands up and starts pacing, running his hands through his bronze hair
frantically. His voice is a little more subdued.
“I left for you! I told you that. I told you I needed to get better. Why do you think
I left you my favorite jacket? So you’d know I was coming back for it. God, you
can be so frustratingly blind sometimes Bella. I told you in plain words that I
wanted you, but I could tell even then that you didn’t believe me.”
I sit back in shock, not even knowing how to respond to that statement. He left
me his jacket because he always planned on coming back? I thought he left it as
a memento, or because he felt guilty for leaving me. And he most certainly did
NOT tell me he wanted me. He told me that my breaking up with Jacob didn’t
change anything! But if he really did leave for me….
I say softly as I lean back into the couch, “Well, that changes things.”
He barks out a laugh and stops pacing, coming over to the couch and kneeling on
the floor in front of it, so he’s eye level with me. He stares deeply into my eyes
and brushes a lock of hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear lovingly. Why
is he acting like this?
“Yes, many things have changed. I’ve been clean for three months now. I don’t
even smoke cigarettes or drink anymore. And I did it for you. Because you
deserve someone who isn’t an addict. Someone who can take care of you, instead
of the other way around.”
I look at his beautiful face carefully, searching for the sincerity I’m hoping is
there. I find it quickly and easily, because his eyes are practically sparkling with
honesty and….tenderness?
Something inside me breaks. Right when he walked in here, I wanted to run over
and throw myself into his arms. But I’ve been holding myself back from getting
too physically close to him, because I knew that when he left again, it would hurt
even worse if I had touched him and proved to myself that he was really here. If
he left again and I hadn’t actually touched him, I would have been able to tell
myself that it was all just a dream. But the look in his eyes crumbles my resolve
and I have a sudden, violent craving to feel his skin on mine.
My lips pull into an uncertain smile and I slowly wrap my arms around him,
burying my face in his neck and breathing in that delicious scent that I’ve missed
more than anything. If I’m going to touch him, I’m going to memorize this
moment so if he leaves again, I’ll at least have this.
It feels so familiar and wonderful to be in his embrace again. If this is a dream,
and it all comes to an end, I don’t care how many people I promised. I’ll surely
kill myself out of disappointment. But it feels too real to be a dream. Besides,
there’s no way my brain is this creative.
He sighs contentedly and pulls me closer into his embrace, burying his own face
in my hair. He breathes in deeply through his nose like he’s doing the same thing
I am, memorizing the moment. Maybe he is.
“Mmmmm you still smell the same, with a bit of the ocean mixed in. God, when I
thought you were dead, it took all of three seconds for me to have my own
suicide planned out. I couldn’t live, knowing you were gone.”
I pull away lightning fast and look at his face, shocked beyond belief,
“Wait, what?! Edward Cullen, why would you tell me that? Are you crazy? To
think you would do something like that because of me….”
He shrugs, “Well, now you know how I feel. Seriously, were you crazy? How could
you try and take yourself away from me, Jingle Bells? You know how much I need
you.”
I grin at the use of my nickname, knowing that the fact that he used it means
he’s really not that mad at me. And he knows that when he uses my nickname, I
can’t stay mad at him either.
I confess quietly, “I thought you didn’t want me. I thought that when you left,
you were just trying to get rid of me. I didn’t want to live anymore if you didn’t
want me.”
He looks angry again, “That’s crazy. I’ll always want you, forever. You really don’t
see yourself clearly.”
I gasp loudly, because that is exactly, word for word, what he told me in the
dream I had in the hospital. Maybe my subconscious has been trying to tell me
the truth all along. How….maddening.
I roughly pull him towards me again, leaning into him and gripping his shirt
tightly, like I’m never letting go. Which I’m not, if I can help it. This is real. And
he’s not going to leave me.
He holds me to his body just as tightly, rubbing my back and running his fingers
through my hair. He turns his head to lightly kiss my neck and I pull back out of
disbelief, only to lean in again and kiss his neck. I let my joyful tears spill over
onto his shoulder and he caresses my cheeks softly. He’s touching every part of
me, as if to make sure I’m really here. I’m doing the same thing to him, and I
decide once and for all that this is definitely not a dream.
I whisper into his ear quietly,
“I love you, Edward. I really, really do.”
He looks into my eyes while still holding onto me, making sure I won’t fall.
“I love you too, silly girl. I’ve always loved you. And I always will, forever.”
I look back at him for a second, and then with no warning, I throw myself at him.
Literally. There’s no other way to describe it—I gather my strength and launch
myself into his lap, tossing my arms around his neck and kissing him furiously.
And it’s the best kiss of my life, because he’s kissing me back just as passionately
as I’m kissing him. Maybe even more. It’s so different from Jacob’s possessive
kisses. This is raw, full of unadulterated hunger and love.
Our warm lips move together perfectly, like we’ve been kissing each other this
way for years. Or like we were made to kiss this way for the rest of our lives. His
hands are on my back, my shoulders, my neck, my cheeks. My hands have taken
up residence in that unruly bronze hair, grasping it with no plans on letting go
anytime soon. We continue in this position for a few minutes, but all too soon I’m
reluctantly pulling away for air. He’s placing light, feathery kisses all over my
face, breathing just as heavily as I am.
I rest my forehead against his and stare intensely into those unbelievable
emerald eyes. He’s grinning widely, and there’s no doubt in my mind that my
face is mirroring his. Like I said, it was the best kiss of my life. I think it’s quite
possibly the best kiss anyone’s ever had. If my living room had a skylight, I’d be
floating out of it right now.
After about five minutes of intense eye contact, we simultaneously burst into
uncontrollable laughter. I’m leaning against his chest, taking in his wonderful
masculine scent once again, and he’s resting his head on top of mine, both of us
trying to regain composure.
Finally, we’re able to look at each other without laughing or attacking the other’s
lips.
I sigh with satisfaction, “So, does this mean we’re together?”
He laughs and holds my face between his hands,
“Yes. I think it’s safe to say that we are together. You are mine and I’m not
letting anyone else have you. God, I missed you Jingle Bells. The only thing that
made those three months worth it was the thought that once I was out of rehab,
I would come back to you.”
I giggle. Seriously, what is it about this boy that makes me go from suicidal to
giggling school girl in less than an hour? It really must be love. I’m just so
relieved and ecstatic at the same time. I won’t have to be the fifth wheel
anymore, and I won’t feel the urge to cringe when I see other couples kissing. I
have my own boyfriend to kiss. My own boyfriend that loves me. This is so
fucking surreal. Only Edward could leave me miserable for three months and then
barge back in here and make everything better. Like the hole in my chest never
existed in the first place.
“Well, I wish you’d told me that. Here I was, thinking you hated me. Not that I’m
blaming you, of course. If you’d told me you loved me before you left, I wouldn’t
have believed you anyways.”
He raises his eyebrows, “Then why do you believe me now?”
“Good question. Maybe it’s because I want to believe it so badly that I’m not
questioning it as much as I normally would. Maybe you’re just really good at
convincing me….” I trail off suggestively and he growls low in his chest.
“Wait. Did you just growl?”
He shrugs nonchalantly, but I can sense a small amount of embarrassment.
“Maybe.”
I grin seductively, “That had to be the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard. Edward
Cullen, what are you doing to me? I used to be so innocent.”
He raises his eyebrows, “Innocent? I don’t think so. If I remember correctly,
when we first met you cursed me up and down because you thought I was an
‘arrogant son of a bitch’. You even told me to go to hell. You were a lot of things,
but innocent wasn’t one of them, honey.”
“Yeah well, you deserved it. You really were a huge asshole back then. You’re
lucky you’re so damn cute, or I would never forgive you. And who are you calling
honey, Cullen?”
He glares, “What, you don’t like my nicknames Jingle Bells? That really hurts, you
know. I tell you I love you, and you insult me? Low blow, sweet cheeks. Low
blow.”
I have to laugh, “Sweet cheeks? How would you know?”
He ducks his head, “Well, I am a teenager of the male persuasion, in case you
haven’t noticed. And let me tell you, you definitely have some sweet cheeks.”
I blush uncontrollably at his bizarre compliment, “Okay, enough of that. Back to
the making out. You need to work on your charm there, sparky.”
He gives me his crooked grin, “No other girls seem to mind my charm. But if you
want to go back to making out, you won’t get any complaints from me, sugar
bottom.”
I just can’t do it. I can’t hold a straight face when he says things like that. I burst
out laughing.
“No other girls, hm? I always knew you were a player. How many other girls are
we talking? I’ll bet you’ve been screwing Miranda, too. It would explain her not-
so- subtle crush on you, wouldn’t it? Damn Edward, that really hurts. I thought
you loved me.”
He has a disgusted expression on his face, “Miranda? You’ve got to be kidding
me. I would never return her creepy old lady advances. Besides, you’re the only
girl I can ever see. You really have no idea how beautiful you are. Even at rock
bottom, you were the most gorgeous creature I’d ever seen. You still are, even
after you nearly died. I love you Isabella Swan. I really, truly, can’t live without
you.”
And just like that, our playful banter turns back into passion filled kisses. Can you
blame me, after he says something like that? The only difference is, this time he’s
the one to throw himself at me, because I’m still too shocked from his little
speech to move. Not to mention the fact that my strength is pretty much gone.
He leans me back onto the couch so I’m lying down with him hovering over me,
careful to keep his weight off me.
After a few more minutes, I’m breathless and thirsty as hell. Edward sits up and
strokes my tired face sweetly.
“Do you need anything? Sorry, I sort of forgot that you’re supposed to be on bed
rest. It’s kind of hard to keep my hands to myself right now, so I think it would
be a good idea for me to go into the kitchen and get you something to drink. Is
water okay?”
I smile up at him and whisper, “Water is perfect. Thanks muffin.”
He snorts and on his way into the kitchen he says, “Anything for you, my little
snicker doodle.”
I hear him moving around in the kitchen, humming something under his breath.
He comes back in with a grin and a glass of water. I gratefully take it and chug
about half the glass in one go. Kissing makes you extremely thirsty, especially
when you still have what feels like gallons of salt water in your system.
Edward sets the glass on a side table and turns back towards me with a
concerned expression, “Where’s Charlie, anyways? I was expecting to have to
crawl through your window, since I doubt Charlie would even let me in here.”
I shrug, “He’s at work, as usual. He’s never around, so I don’t think you have to
worry about getting kicked out anytime soon.”
I try to hold it back, but a huge yawn breaks through anyways. Edward chuckles
and pulls his leather jacket higher up onto my shoulders, tucking it around me
gently.
“You should get some rest Jingle Bells.”
A wave of anxiousness washes over me and I shake my head frantically, “No. I
can’t sleep.”
He looks baffled, “Why not?”
My cheeks blush without my permission and I play with one of the jacket’s
sleeves, my voice defeated, “I’m afraid you’ll be gone when I wake up. I just got
you back, and I’m scared you’re going to leave again. I mean, I’m a mess. I
wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to deal with me anymore.”
He grabs my shoulders tightly and looks me in the eye seriously, “Listen to me
Bella. I love you, and I won’t leave. I promise, okay? I’ll stay right here. Besides,
you stuck with me when I was a mess. I mean we’re both still kind of a mess--
we did meet in therapy. Actually, now that I think about it, we sort of owe
Miranda one.”
I shiver over-dramatically, “Scary thought.”
We both laugh as Edward lays down behind me on the couch, his arms wrapped
protectively around my waist. I turn my head once more to kiss him softly and
tenderly. He kisses me back and I smile under his lips.
I turn back around and sigh happily, realizing that this is the first time in years
I’ve felt so content. Possibly the first time ever. I suppose being in love will do
that to you.
Right before I’m ready to drift off, I hear Edward quietly singing the words to
what he had been humming in the kitchen. I can’t believe I didn’t recognize it
earlier, but he’s singing what is sort of our song (well, to me anyways) ‘Amazing,
Because It Is’. His voice is every bit as soft and perfect as I remembered, and I
physically ache with the thought of how much I love this boy.
-
-
-
“I was so scared of everything you put in front of me
I've been marching to every part of me
Just to see
See
Why you need me to be
The boy you need me to be
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saves a wretch like me
I once was lost
And now I'm found
Was blind but now I see
I just wanna see
I'm the type of person who lets fear drive
I'm the type of guy that's in drive
Cause I'm addicted, I'm needy
I'm lost without you
I need you
I need you
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saves a wretch like me
I once was lost
But now I'm found
Was blind but now I see
Amazing grace (amazing grace)
How sweet the sound (how sweet)
That saves a wretch like me (that saved a wretch like me)
I once was lost
But now I'm found (you know I'm found)
Was blind but now I see
Amazing grace (you're amazing)
How sweet the sound (you're amazing)
That saves a wretch like me
I once was lost (it feels so bad when you're lost and alone)
But now I'm found
Was blind but now I see”
-
-
-
Playlist: Coldplay- A Message, The Almost- Amazing Because It Is, Strays Don’t
Sleep- For Blue Skies, The Perishers- Sway
Please review and let me know what you think about Edward and Bella’s reunion!!
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 16
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/16/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hello everyone! Thanks for all the reviews I got for the last chapter and sorry it’s
been a week since the last update. This story has about two or three more
chapters to it, just to let you know that it’ll be coming to an end soon I hope you
enjoy this chapter and please review!
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters, not me.
Chapter Sixteen
Smother Me
Let me be the one who calls you baby
All the time
Surely you can take some comfort
Knowing that you're mine
Just hold me tight, lay by my side
And let me be the one who calls you
Baby all the time
I found my place in the world
Could stare at your face for the rest of
My days
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
And Smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
Would you smother me?
Let me be the one who never leaves
You all alone
I hold my breath and lose the feeling
That I'm on my own (leaves me all alone)
Hold me too tight stay by my side
And let me be the one who calls you
Baby all the time(all the time)
I found my place in the world
Could stare at your face for the rest of
My days
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
And Smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
Would you smother me?(4X- smother me)
When I'm alone time goes so slow
I need you here with me
And how my mistakes have made
Your heart break
Still I need you here with me
So Baby I’m, Baby I'm here
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
And Smother me(smother me)
Warm and alive I'm all over you
Would you smother me?(don’t let me be alone)
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
And Smother me(smother me)
Warm and alive I'm all over you
Would you smother me?(3X smother me)
Let me be the one who calls you baby
All the time
Let me be the one who calls you baby
All the time
Let me be the one who calls you baby
the one who calls you baby.
Edward and I have been officially together for a little less than two weeks now—
even if it only feels like two days. Because of those two weeks, I’m physically
back to normal and emotionally better than ever. Unfortunately, the real world
had to catch up to us eventually, and school starts today. My senior year. Well,
our senior year. We’re all seniors now, and I have a feeling this year is going to
be my favorite.
This feeling is reinforced when there’s a knock on the door bright and early, and I
open it to reveal Edward, fresh-faced and abnormally chipper. He grins and hands
me a monstrous cup of coffee, and the reason for his good mood is revealed.
Apparently, his mom Esme makes the best (not to mention strongest) coffee
known to man. That’s what Edward tells me, anyways. And I suppose I’ll find out
for myself today after school.
That’s right. Today, at precisely three o’clock, Edward is taking me to his house
for the first time.
Oh joy.
Don’t get me wrong; it’s not that I don’t want to go-- I’m actually really excited
to see where Edward lives and to meet his adoptive parents. Well, I already met
Carlisle, but I’m desperately trying to forget that fact.
It’s just that I’m nervous. And really embarrassed. I mean, they know Edward
and I met in therapy. And they know I tried to commit suicide two weeks ago.
Not the best first impression you want to make on your boyfriend’s parents.
Especially when said boyfriend is a recovering coke addict whose parents
probably want him to meet a nice, non-anorexic/suicidal girl to date. When you
really think about it, Edward and I shouldn’t be together. But there’s no way in
hell I’m giving him up this time. I’ve come to realize that there’s just no point in
trying to be apart from him. Neither of us is any good without the other one. I
just hope his parents see that.
Edward smiles his special crooked grin and asks, “So Jingle Bells, ready for our
last year of torture?”
I snort, “Oh pudding, you know that every minute I spend with you is torture.
Any classes we have separately will be a welcome relief.”
He links his hand with mine and leans in to whisper, “Now now cookie, no need to
be so sarcastic. I know you don’t mean it. I can tell you’re secretly excited.”
I roll my eyes playfully, “Enough of this pointless chatter! Lead the way to the
Volvo, boyfriend.”
He smiles and gives me a quick peck on the cheek, “Sure thing, girlfriend.”
We finally make it to the car and he bows mockingly, opening the door for me.
This is for the benefit of the neighbors, who Charlie has enlisted to spy on Edward
and I, since he’s not home in the mornings to do it himself. Charlie is not exactly
supportive of our relationship, especially after he found us sleeping together on
the couch the day Edward came back.
Talk about your overreactions.
I was awoken by Edward being pulled violently away from me. I sat up,
irrationally fearing that Jacob had come to hurt Edward. Instead of Jake, I opened
my eyes to find Charlie gripping Edward’s arm at what looked to be a painful
angle. Edward just stood there patiently, holding back laughter, while I frantically
tried to explain the situation.
Looking back, it’s especially funny to remember Charlie’s face all purple, his hand
itching to reach for the gun at his belt, standing behind my calm boyfriend. It’s
even funnier when you see that Edward is a good six inches taller than my father,
so I couldn’t even see Charlie until he craned his neck around Edward’s broad
shoulders.
Since that night, Charlie has been unusually strict about how often I see Edward.
He loosened up a bit when I reminded him that I did meet Edward in the very
therapy group that Charlie himself had forced me to go to. He can’t really argue
with that one. So the rule is that Edward can stay over until seven o’clock on
weekends, and now five o’clock on school nights.
But what Charlie doesn’t know is that Edward has an unnatural talent for climbing
trees, namely the one that leads right to my bedroom window. I don’t even want
to know how much practice he’s had at sneaking into girls’ rooms late at night.
Anyways, we spend pretty much every night together, sleeping side by side in my
tiny twin bed. It’s the best I’ve slept in months.
But because of Charlie’s damned nosiness, Edward and I can’t show any displays
of affection until we are safely within the confines of the Volvo’s tinted windows. I
knew those things would come in handy for something. Thus, we wait to make
out until the doors are closed and locked (just a safety precaution), and Edward
has turned some music on.
This morning it’s Aqualung’s ‘Strange and Beautiful’, a slow and sexy little song
that surprisingly fits my mood. Apparently it fits his as well, because the boy is
hungrily devouring my mouth like he hasn’t seen me in years. Not that I’m
complaining, of course. In fact, I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to complain
when they’re kissing the love of their life. Yeah, I said it, and I know it’s corny.
But the corniness doesn’t negate the fact that it’s true.
When we’re finally able to pull away from each other long enough for Edward to
drive to school, we meet up with the others in front of Emmett’s gigantic jeep.
They all greet us casually except Alice, who bounces over to give us both hugs.
This is made difficult when she refuses to drop Jasper’s hand and Edward refuses
to drop mine, making the four of us end up in a big tangled mess.
Emmett, being Emmett, makes it worse by dragging Rosalie over to join in. So
now I’m crushed between him and Jasper—not a fun position to be in. But that
doesn’t stop any of us from laughing hysterically. I’m sure we’re getting a lot of
weird looks from the other kids in the parking lot.
Finally, Edward releases my hand long enough for me to untangle myself. Once
I’m out, he immediately grabs my hand again, but then decides it’s not enough
contact and pulls me into his side. I sigh happily and look up to find him laughing
at our friends, who are even more twisted up than before.
It feels good that we’re all together like this again, almost as if nothing has
changed. But then Edward bends down to kiss me lovingly and I remember that
things have changed, for the better. For once, I don’t have to worry about being
left out, or about the consequences of another boy looking at me. I feel safe and
happy amidst my friends and boyfriend. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.
When everyone is disentangled, we all pull out our schedules to compare classes.
I have none with Rose or Emmett, but one with Jasper, two with Alice, and two
with Edward. Not bad. We part ways at the dreaded school entrance and I walk
with Alice to our Spanish class, glancing back at Edward who’s doing the same to
me.
It’s pathetic that I have to tell myself this separation is only for a few hours.
My classes are boring as usual, each teacher going over the syllabus like none of
us can read it on our own. You’d think senior classes would be a little more
advanced than, say, second grade classes. But you’d be wrong. The only thing
that breaks up the monotony is when a random kid will come up to me and ask if
I really attempted suicide. It’s funny to see the looks on their faces when I tell
them it’s true.
Normally, I would be bothered by the morbid curiosity and whispers behind my
back, but somehow I’m not. Maybe it helps knowing that Edward is back and that
I’ve moved past my desire to die. Now I just want to laugh in their faces for being
so freaked out. After the first five or so, the students start to back off.
Finally, it’s our lunch break and Jasper and I make our way from History to the
cafeteria. Well, I pull Jasper’s arm out of its socket as I drag him to the cafeteria.
He tries to play it cool like he’s not anxious to see Alice, but I can tell he is. Not
as much as I’m dying to see Edward, though.
We hastily make our way through the lunch line and I grab a random assortment
of foods without really paying attention. I bounce from foot to foot as I wait
impatiently for Jasper to pay for his food, and then we practically run over to the
table in the corner that everyone is sitting at. I plop down next to Edward and he
immediately grabs me up into a hug. I guess he missed me too.
Alice ruins the moment when she pipes up, “Hey, have you guys been hearing
what everyone’s saying about Edward?”
That catches my attention and Edward and I both perk up. My eyes widen as I
ask, “What do you mean?”
Alice rolls her eyes, “I can’t believe you didn’t hear those girls in Spanish, Bella!
They were basically screaming, but you were too into your little Edward la-la-land
to even notice.”
I shrug and roll my eyes, “So? What were they saying?”
She grins with the satisfaction of having gossip to spill, and everyone’s attention
is on her except Edward himself. He’s staring down at the table angrily, but I
catch a hint of embarrassment as well.
“Every girl in this school is talking about how hot Edward is! They say he has that
whole ‘bad boy’ thing. I guess having a new guy is pretty exciting for them.
Especially one who looks like Edward does.”
I hit her playfully, “Pixie! No hitting on my boyfriend when Jasper and I are sitting
right here. At least wait until we’re gone, jeez. Have a little decency.”
She laughs her tinkling laugh and Edward pulls me closer to his side. I turn to
him, “Did you know what they were saying about you?”
He grins nonchalantly, “Yeah. I also heard someone say I had plastic surgery to
look like this. And that I’m really a famous actor who is in disguise to try and
blend in. I’m like the new Hannah Montana.”
We all get a good laugh at that mental picture, until Alice speaks back up, “But
that’s not all they’re saying! I also heard some guys saying they recognized you
from parties over the summer. Apparently some of them did coke with you a few
times. And Mike Newton said you bought heroin from his cousin.”
The mood shifts as everyone looks away from Edward and I. He removes his arm
from my shoulders slowly and stares down at his hands folded on the table. I
don’t even hesitate to pull his arm up and put it back around me.
“So what? You were bound to run into somebody who knew about your past in
this tiny town. No big deal. It’s not like none of us knew.”
He looks up at me earnestly, “Are you sure it doesn’t bother you? People are
going to be talking about me a lot. If you don’t want anyone to know we’re
together, I won’t mind.”
I stare back at him angrily, “Edward Cullen! Don’t say things like that. You know I
don’t care about that kind of stuff. Kids have been coming up to me all day
asking if I really jumped off a cliff. You’re not the only messed up one,
remember?”
He smiles back gratefully, “Good. Because I don’t think I could be in school with
you all day and not be able to touch you or hold you. It’s hard enough as it is.
Oh, and if anyone gives you trouble, let me know. Maybe I can use my new
reputation as a coked up Hannah Montana to scare them away.”
The heavy atmosphere is lifted and the group goes back to joking and laughing.
My last two classes are the ones I have with Edward and they blur by quickly. The
only thing I remember from Biology or English is that I got a lot of glares from
jealous girls.
All too soon, Edward and I are in the Volvo and on the way to his house. He puts
on some soothing music and holds my hand loosely as he drives, glancing over at
me every once in a while.
“Hey, are you okay? You’re being kind of quiet. Nerves?”
I nod reluctantly, “Yeah, I’m just worried. Your parents are going to hate me,
especially Carlisle. He knows I jumped because of you. I could see it when he
looked at me in the hospital. He probably thinks I’m a freak.”
Edward’s emerald eyes darken the tiniest bit when I mention that I jumped
because of him, but it’s not like he didn’t know. It just upsets him every time my
near- death is mentioned. His grip on my hand tightens.
“Don’t look at it like that. Carlisle probably knows why you jumped, but I know he
wouldn’t judge you for it. And Esme might be a little more understanding than
you think.”
I give him a weird look, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He stares straight ahead and says quickly, “Nothing. I’m just saying that Carlisle
and Esme will be the last people to judge you. Trust me. They forgave me for
fucking up all these years. I’m sure they’ll love you almost as much as I do. Plus,
I told them that you were the one to get me to quit in the first place.”
I cut in, “Did you also tell them I’m the reason you relapsed?”
He sighs gustily, “Bella for the last time, it wasn’t your fault. It was my own
mistake, not yours. Now stop bringing up unpleasant things that are only going to
make you more nervous. What do you think about Eisley?”
I sigh and roll my eyes, “Real subtle, muffin.”
Then even I can hear that my voice becomes more animated, like it always does
when I talk about music.
“And you know I think Eisley is amazing. Their voices blend perfectly together
and their melodies are just gorgeous. I especially love ‘Marvelous Things’. It’s like
a lullaby, but creepier.”
He laughs lightly, “I’m the king of subtlety, darling. And I have only one bad thing
to say about Eisley: their voices are too high pitched. I can only listen to them for
so long, otherwise my hearing is affected. Other than that, I have to agree that
the melodies are beautiful and they are all really talented.”
I lean back in my seat and close my eyes. Edward is good at distracting me. Too
good, actually. I forgot my nerves for about two minutes, but now they’re back in
full force. Just in time for us to pull up to a huge white house.
No, huge white mansion. Good lord, Edward lives in a mansion. I should have
seen this coming, but I’m still shocked beyond words.
He parks the car and runs around to open my door for me. I take his hand and
give him another weird look, until I realize that both his parents are standing on
the porch watching us. That explains his sudden need for gentlemanly behavior.
We walk slowly up to the porch holding hands, and Edward pulls me next to him
when we reach Carlisle and Esme. I’m relieved to notice that they’re both smiling
at me kindly. Maybe this won’t be a complete disaster.
Edward is the first to speak up, “Carlisle, Esme, this is my girlfriend, Bella Swan.
Bella, these are my parents.”
Carlisle reaches out to take my hand gently, smiles widely and says, “Wonderful
to see you again Bella! I’m glad we finally get a chance to be properly
introduced.”
I smile back nervously, “Hello again Dr. Cullen. It’s great to see you too. And I
just want to say thank you for everything you did for me, you know…that day.”
Cue the awkward silence.
Great going Bella. Bring up your suicide attempt before you even make it inside
the house. Brilliant move. I’m sure they don’t think you’re a freak now.
Edward winces and squeezes my hand, but I’m too mortified to even look up.
Suddenly I feel two arms around me and I realize that they’re not Edward’s. The
woman with beautiful caramel hair, who I assume is Esme, is hugging me tightly.
I’m bewildered, but kind of grateful that she’s not glaring at me, or kicking me
out or something.
Instead of doing either of those things, she pulls away and speaks in a soft voice,
“Oh, don’t be embarrassed my dear.” Then she adds nonchalantly, “I jumped off
a cliff too, you know.”
Wait, what?!
No really, what? Did I hear that right?
My eyes bug out of my head and I stumble to say something. Anything.
What actually comes out is, “I-I…ummm…uhhh…oh…o-okay…”
Then everyone is laughing. At my expression and speechlessness, I presume. I
can’t help it though. I mean, what the hell? Who just comes out and says
something like that?
Esme laughs softly and takes my hand, “It’s true dear. I had just lost a child and
was very depressed. So I jumped. My situation was actually quite similar to
yours, because I too was lucky; someone found me and brought me to the
hospital. Carlisle was my doctor, just like he was yours, but for us it was love at
first sight. Even though I was bruised and bandaged, Carlisle fell just as hard for
me as I did for him. After my fall, I discovered that I couldn’t have any more
children. So Carlisle and I decided to adopt, and that’s how we found Edward. My
story has a happy ending, as I hope yours and Edward’s will.”
Wow. Okay. So that’s what Edward meant when he said Esme would be more
understanding than I thought. Although I suppose he wasn’t expecting her to tell
me the story first thing.
I smile at her gratefully and actually initiate the hug this time. She pats my back
comfortingly and when we pull away I say quietly, “Thank you for telling me that
Esme. I’m so glad that Edward has people like you and Carlisle in his life.”
Edward nods at his parents and smiles at me lovingly. He then takes my hand
and pulls me towards the door, “Okay. Enough bonding with my mother. How
about a tour of the house?”
“You mean the mansion? Sure. Lead the way, boyfriend.”
As we step through the entryway, I’m in awe. My mouth is literally hanging open,
and everyone is once again chuckling at my reaction.
I turn back towards Esme and say shyly, “You have a beautiful home.”
She beams at me and Carlisle puts an arm around her, telling me proudly, “Thank
you Bella. She designed it all herself, you know.”
Esme looks down modestly and blushes the tiniest bit, but her smile is as big as
ever.
“Well, you’ve done a wonderful job. It’s amazing.”
And it truly is. Big open skylights, modern furniture, and everything white, white,
white. It obviously has a futuristic theme, but there’s still a very homey feel to it.
It’s like my dream house, and I’m suddenly embarrassed that Edward has spent
so much time in my shabby little place when he could be here, living like a
freakin’ king.
Edward leads me up the winding staircase and down a wide hallway to a plain
door at the very end. He whispers, “This is my room.”
He then proceeds to open the door like Vanna White presenting a game show
prize, sweeping his arms out and singing loudly, “Ta da!”
I can hear Esme and Carlisle chuckling downstairs at Edward’s antics. I chuckle a
bit myself before stepping in and stopping abruptly. If this is my dream house,
then this room is something beyond my wildest imagination. And it fits Edward
perfectly.
The room is bigger than five of mine combined with a huge glass window serving
as one wall. The other walls are just shelves and shelves of CD’s and books.
There’s a comfy looking canopy bed with a soft amber comforter and black silk
pillows. In the opposite corner there’s a black sofa, a large TV, and the most
expensive looking stereo system I’ve ever seen. I’m not going anywhere near
that thing, for fear of breaking it somehow.
The part of the room that catches and holds my attention however, is his little
music corner thing. He’s got a baby grand piano, (who has one of those in their
bedroom?) a drum set, and all sorts of guitars. I think I even see a violin. I knew
he was into music, but damn. I’m never going home.
If my eyes were bugging when Esme told me her story, they are about to fall out
of socket at the sight of Edward’s bedroom. And as I look over at Edward himself,
he’s leaning against one of the bookshelves, watching me curiously.
“What?”
He shrugs, “Nothing.”
“No seriously, what are you gawking at me for?”
He rolls his eyes, “I was not gawking at you, love. I was just enjoying the view.”
Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes, “Yes, boyfriend, you were gawking. And did you
like what you saw?”
His grin turns seductive and he’s at my side in a flash, “You could say that. Do
you like what you see?”
I look up at his gorgeous eyes innocently, “Oh yes sweetie, your room is
amazing!”
“I wasn’t talking about the room, my lovely girlfriend.”
I widen my eyes into that doe look that he loves, “Then what ever could you
mean darling?”
He plays along, “Why my dear, I meant myself of course.”
I shrug, “Oh that? Yeah, that’s an okay view too, I guess.”
He fakes offense, “Okay? Just okay? Well, I’ll have to change that opinion rather
quickly now, won’t I.”
We break into an intense stare that goes on for what seems like hours until I
shout, “Aha! You blinked!”
Edward pouts, “No I didn’t! I had something in my eye, it doesn’t count!”
“Oh don’t be a sore loser. You, my gorgeous boyfriend, blinked. Which means I,
your wonderful girlfriend, won our unofficial staring contest. So suck it up.”
He pulls me into a hug suddenly and I’m completely oblivious as to why.
“Um, Edward? Not that I mind or anything, but may I ask why you are holding
onto me for dear life right now?”
He chuckles and I can feel the vibrations in his chest, “No reason. I just love
you.”
I lean my head against his chest and breathe in his delicious scent, sighing softly,
“Oh. Okay. In that case, I love you too.”
Playlist: The Used- Smother Me, Aqualung- Strange and Beautiful, Eisley-
Marvelous Things, Sigur Ros- Hoppipolla
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 17
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/17/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hello everyone! This is my last update until after I get Breaking Dawn (which I
preordered, so I won’t get it until like the 6th), and the second to last chapter of
the story. Sad, I know. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and I hope you enjoy
this one. I really want to get to 350 reviews by the end, so please let me know
what you thought!
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Sorry I can’t say it in a more
clever way.
Chapter Seventeen
Your Song
Haven't you heard?
I'm stuck on a face
I'm stuck on a boy who feels me with joy
I knew I was wrong to
jump straight on into the picture so pretty
But he is so pretty to me
And he doesn't know just how far I would go
Just to kiss him
He doesn't know how I pine
So I make whirlpools
And watch him sparkle
And we'll make love, make magic
And haven't you heard?
I thought I had first
And he loves me so
We're two in a row
Just look in his eyes
They're blue as the skies
are picture so pretty
but he is so pretty to me
So I make whirlpools
And watch him sparkle
And we'll make love, make magic
But I couldn't tell you
Just tell that it takes you
'Cause words don't make
what I make with him
Haven't you heard?
I'm stuck on a face
I'm stuck on a boy who fills me with joy
I knew I was wrong
to jump straight on into this picture so pretty
but he is so pretty to me
Ah, graduation day. Supposedly one of the most important milestones in a
person’s life. I’m certainly relieved it’s here, but I don’t share the same
enthusiasm everyone else seems to have. Probably because it’s not going to
change anything all that much. Sure, I’m going to college next fall and
everything. But I’m not leaving my loved ones behind, because everyone I love
(with the exception of Charlie of course) is coming with me.
It’ not like we all worked extra hard to prove everyone wrong and got into Yale or
some clichéd miracle like that. Nope. We’re headed for Seattle community
college. Did you really think a bunch of troubled kids like us could get into a
university? Come on. Between the drugs, alcohol, grand theft auto, shoplifting,
abuse, anger management issues, and two attempted suicides, none of us were
exactly model students.
Honestly though, it doesn’t matter to me where I go, as long as Edward goes too.
Charlie drew the line at Edward and I getting an apartment together, so I’ll be
sharing one with Rose and Alice in downtown Seattle. But the guys are sharing an
apartment on the floor above us, so I’m sure Edward and I will get the chance to
spend some…ahem…quality time together. And we won’t have to worry about
Charlie and his ridiculous rules.
I’m broken out of my musings when I hear the principle call my name.
“Isabella Marie Swan.”
Here we go. I walk unsteadily up to the stage and shake the principles’ hand,
taking my diploma folder in the other hand like we practiced in rehearsal. It goes
by so fast, I don’t even have time to freak out about tripping or falling on my
face. But when I get back to my seat, there’s plenty of time for my friends to give
me a thumbs up for my accident- free walk.
I basically tune out the rest of the ceremony, playing with the empty diploma
folder. Can you believe they hold our diplomas hostage until we’ve turned in our
caps and gowns? Like anyone really wants to keep the hideous mustard yellow
things. I clap loudly for Jasper when it’s his turn, since he’s the only one of my
friends lower in the alphabet than me.
Finally, after the rest of the names are called, all the graduates throw their caps
in the air and our cheesy class song rings out over the crackling speakers. I’m the
only one who doesn’t throw their cap, because there’s no way I’m risking it. With
my luck, I’d lose the damn thing and they’d refuse to hand over my diploma.
Hey, it could happen.
The mass of parents, siblings, and friends descends on the graduates and adds to
the crowd. Not that the crowd was that big to begin with; there were only eighty
seven seniors this year. But still, I’m not a big fan of crowds, so I wait patiently in
my seat until Edward comes to find me.
He made me promise I wouldn’t leave my seat after the ceremony, because he
knows I’d probably fall and be trampled to death like those kids at that Who
concert in the sixties.
A very unpleasant way to go, if you ask me.
After about five minutes, I can see a head of bronze hair coming towards me, and
even though I can’t see his face, I know that Edward is grinning. Just as I think
this, he pops up in front of me, picking me up and twirling me around, grinning
from ear to ear.
“Hey beautiful! I’m so proud of you for not tripping.”
I roll my eyes as he sets me down, “Gee, thanks. Good to know you were
expecting me to.”
We walk over to the corner of the gym and turn in our gowns, finally getting our
diplomas.
He shrugs, the smile never leaving his face, “With you, I’ve learned to anticipate
these things. It’s not my fault you’re uncoordinated.”
I pout and widen my eyes, “Are you seriously insulting me on my graduation day?
What a supportive boyfriend I have.”
He puts his hand on his heart dramatically, “So glad you think so. Now let’s go,
everyone’s waiting for us outside.”
By everyone, he means everyone. I spot Charlie, Esme, and Carlisle chatting and
laughing from across the parking lot. They get along a little too well for my
comfort. Every time they get together, I feel like they’re comparing notes or
something.
I also immediately see Emmett eating Rosalie’s face off. It’s kinda hard to miss.
Alice and Jasper are leaning into each other, quietly looking over the pictures
Alice’s mom took of the ceremony. It’s surreal to see everyone standing here with
their parents.
We really just graduated.
I feel a little bubble of excitement in my stomach-- I guess it just took me a bit
longer than everyone else.
As Edward and I walk up, his parents and Charlie make their way over to engulf
us in hugs. I hear Emmett say,
“Hey Edward, Jasper! You both owe me twenty bucks!”
Edward glares daggers at Emmett and I slowly turn around to face him,
“Edward…what did you guys bet on?”
He smiles sheepishly while everyone listens intently, “Umm…it’s no big deal Jingle
Bells. We just had a little wager going on.”
It’s my turn to glare, “You didn’t answer my question Edward Cullen. What did
you three bet on?”
Emmett comes up and puts an arm around my shoulder, pointing an accusing
finger at Edward and Jasper.
“Bells, these two idiots bet me twenty bucks you would trip on stage. And you
didn’t! Ha!”
I knew it. My face turns red in either anger or embarrassment, I’m not sure
which. I snuggle up into Emmett’s side and smile mischievously.
“Well, it looks like Emmett here is the only one who really loves me. I guess I
picked the wrong guy, huh Emmett?”
I wink at him and then Rosalie, letting them both know I’m only joking. Emmett
eagerly plays along.
“I guess so Bells. Good thing we realized before it was too late. Sorry Rosie, but
I’ve always had a secret crush on Bella. It would never have worked out between
us.”
With that, he slowly leans down and as if to lay a big fat kiss on me. I wasn’t
expecting him to take it this far, but hey. Whatever works.
And work it does. Suddenly, an inch away from his lips, I feel myself being pulled
away from Emmett and into a tight embrace. I look up just in time for Edward’s
lips to crash onto mine in a passionate kiss that leaves me breathless.
He pulls away and smiles devilishly, “What were you saying about picking the
wrong guy, Jingle Bells?”
I breath in heavily and grin, “Oh nothing, nothing at all.”
He laughs musically, and everyone else joins in, “That’s what I thought. But I am
sorry I underestimated you. It won’t happen again.”
I look into his emerald eyes and whisper, “Good. But you still have to make it up
to me.”
He raises one perfect eyebrow, “Oh? How do you propose I do that?”
I laugh quietly, “I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”
He nods and pulls me to his side, “Sounds good to me. What should we do now?”
“I say we head over to my place so I can cook us dinner.”
“Spaghetti?”
“Sure thing.”
We give out hugs and say our goodbyes to the group. Charlie heads off in the
cruiser to go back to work, and Edward and I take his Volvo.
We get there in five minutes flat, due to his insane need for speed. We jump out
and walk hand in hand up the driveway and into the house. I go upstairs to
change out of the uncomfortable (but of course stylish) dress Alice forced me
into, and when I come back down Edward is watching TV in the living room.
“You could have at least started boiling the water, or gotten out the ingredients,
lazy ass.”
He smiles up at me without making a move to get off the couch, “And risk
accidentally rearranging your pantry again? I don’t think so. After last time, I
remember you specifically telling me, or more like yelling at me, that I was never
to touch your pantry again.”
My shoulders slump as I realize he’s right. Ugh, how I hate it when he’s right.
I glare, “Okay, you got me there. But boiling water doesn’t involve going into the
pantry, only the cabinets. And I never said you couldn’t touch those. So, in
conclusion, you’re still a lazy ass.”
I smirk triumphantly while he frowns, still trying to think up ways to get out of
helping me.
“Just give it up and help me. You know I’m going to win in the end anyways.
Plus, the longer we stand here arguing about it, the longer you’ll have to wait for
your beloved spaghetti.”
He gets up immediately at that, causing me to grumble, “I swear you’re only
dating me for my cooking.”
Edward, being the asshole that he is, simply smiles and doesn’t contradict me. In
retaliation, I smack him hard on the arm and he spins around to grab me,
throwing me over his shoulder as I scream in protest.
“Edward! Put me down, you douche! If you drop me, I’ll never talk to you ever
again!” I try my hardest to sound angry, but I can’t stop the laughs spilling out of
me. He’s chuckling the whole way to the kitchen as I struggle against him
helplessly.
Finally, he turns me right side up and drops me unceremoniously into a chair.
“Alright, you want help? How about this: to make up for joining in on that bet
with Jasper and Emmett, I’ll cook you dinner.”
I look him up and down doubtfully, “Do you even know how to cook?”
He shrugs, “How hard can it be? I’ve watched you do it hundreds of times. Plus,
I’ve helped Esme once or twice. I think it’ll be fine.”
I hold my hands up in surrender, “Okay, Mr. Macho. The kitchen is yours. But if
you burn it down, Charlie won’t hesitate to kill you. He’s just been waiting for an
excuse.”
A serious look actually crosses Edward’s face, “Does he really still hate me?”
I sigh and go sit on his lap, my arms around his neck, “No, I was just kidding. He
doesn’t like you, but he definitely doesn’t hate you as much as he used to. I think
he’s seen that we’re both serious about this. I mean, we’ve been together almost
a year now. Plus, if he really wanted to kill you, he would have in the parking lot
when you kissed me in front of him.”
His expression goes back to playful, “Maybe he just didn’t want so many
witnesses. Maybe he’s biding his time until he can get me alone.”
I rest my head on his shoulder and he strokes my hair softly, “Well I guess I’ll
just have to make sure I never leave you alone then, won’t I?”
He kisses the top of my head sweetly, “Works for me.”
We sit there for a while, just resting and talking quietly about the ceremony and
how amazing college is going to be.
“Okay, enough of this mushy crap. Time for you to get cooking, my dear.”
We both get up and I gather the things he’ll need, since as he mentioned earlier,
he’s not allowed near my pantry. The boy has no organizational skills.
I sit back and relax, watching his adorable facial expressions as he gets confused
on what to do. Finally, after twenty minutes of watching him attempt to chop
onions, I get up and help. Between the two of us, dinner is ready a little while
later and we eat and talk, about anything and everything.
That’s one thing I’ll never get tired of—how comfortable I feel around Edward. We
can have the most inane conversations, but we never get bored of each other. I
could listen to his voice all day, every day for the rest of my life. And I plan to.
xxxXXxxx
The next day is our last therapy session, and we couldn’t be more excited. Alice
and Edward’s year long mandatory sentence is finally up. Emmett’s parents had
been telling him he could quit for a while now, but he kept coming for Rosalie.
Rose, although she’s done with group, is going to be in individual therapy for a
while. But she doesn’t mind because she actually enjoys those sessions and gets
along with her therapist (what a concept!). Jasper’s parents see that he’s happier
than ever before, and say therapy has done more for him than they ever
expected. They also recognize that almost all of his progress is due to Alice.
I’m another story entirely. Miranda recommended to Charlie that I stay in group
therapy for at least a few more months, because of my suicide attempt. I
resigned myself to months alone with Miranda and a bunch of kids I didn’t know.
But Charlie himself decided that I was done. He said I was a different person (in a
good way) and that he was proud of the progress I’ve made. I actually cried a
little when he said he was proud. That was awkward, because Charlie’s never
been good with emotions. But he got the point that I was grateful, and that I
wouldn’t disappoint him.
So here we are—our very last day of putting up with Miranda. She seems
determined to go out with a bang.
“Okay group, we’re all going to go around and say one thing we enjoyed about
therapy, and one reason we think therapy has helped us. Emmett, why don’t you
start us off.”
Emmett’s dimples stand out as he grins and puts his arm around Rosalie, “That’s
easy. The thing I enjoyed most was meeting Rosie, and therapy has helped me
because it showed me that there are more important things than working out or
looking good. It’s all about who you meet and what you learn from them.”
All of us, especially Miranda, are shocked beyond words that something so
profound and sweet could come out of Emmett’s mouth. Rosalie looks kind of
smug, either from his mention of her or from the fact that she knew this side of
Emmett existed when no one else did. Either way, his answer reinforced
everything I’ve ever thought about how good they are for each other.
Miranda, still speechless, just nods for Alice to go next.
“Okay. The thing I enjoyed most was getting to know all of you! I enjoyed
meeting Jasper the most, of course, but the rest of you guys are my best friends.
I’m so glad we all met. And one reason it helped me was because it showed me
that other people have more important problems than mine. My issues seem so
trivial compared to everyone else’s, and I see now that my behavior was childish.
Therapy helped me because it made me grow up and become a more responsible
person.”
Miranda by this point has regained the power of speech and nods enthusiastically,
“That was perfect, Alice. Rosalie dear, why don’t you go next?”
Rose smiles slightly and takes a deep breath, “Well, the thing I enjoyed most was
talking to all of you. Therapy has helped me because by getting to know you all, I
opened myself up. I doubt you guys realize just how much I owe my life to you. I
truly wanted to die when I first came here. Emmett was a big part of my
recovery, but if it wasn’t for all of you, I might be dead. So I just want to say
thank you to everyone for helping me learn to let go and move on. I love you all.”
About halfway through her speech, Rose, Alice, and I are quietly crying. The guys
are rubbing our backs and looking sadly at Rosalie, but the first one to break the
silence is surprisingly me. I don’t even realize it until I’m out of my seat, but I get
up and give Rose a tight hug. She leans on me, and we just stand there hugging
for a few seconds until our tears are lessened a little bit. I let go of her after one
more tight squeeze and move back to my seat, where Edward pulls my hand into
his lap and rubs it in soothing circles with his thumb.
Miranda is beaming at the idea that she possibly saved a girl from attempting
suicide. But we all know that Rose was definitely not including Miranda when she
said ‘all of you’. Still, Miranda is smiling hugely when she motions for Jasper to go
next.
He sits up straight in his seat and gives a small, private smile to Alice before
speaking, “What I enjoyed most about therapy was meeting Alice, of course.
Therapy helped me see that I didn’t have to pretend to be something I wasn’t.
Before I came here, I felt useless because I didn’t belong anywhere. I never
really liked all the partying and drinking, but I did it because I didn’t know what
else there was. Talking to all of you guys about your lives showed me that there
was so much more I could be. I never would have woken up if it weren’t for
coming here. I thank God that I got a chance to really do something with my life.
That I got the chance to fall in love with an amazing girl.”
He reaches over and touches Alice’s cheek tenderly, and it must be my
imagination that Miranda looks a little pissed at the contact. She quickly
rearranges her features into a fake smile and says, “Great Jasper. Thanks for
sharing that with us. Bella, you can go next.”
I nod and grab Edward’s hand. “Alright. I enjoyed meeting all of you the most, for
obvious reasons. You guys know me better than anyone else does, or ever will.
Therapy helped me see what I had become. Things probably would have
continued to get worse and worse if I hadn’t come here. I was just an overall
unhappy person, numb and dead inside. When I came here, I saw that some of
you had horrible things happen to you, but none of you gave up like I did. After
seeing that, I felt like maybe I could make things better for myself. You guys
never judged me when I messed up. You tried to help me when I was going
through the worst year of my life, and I’ll love you forever for it.”
Everyone is smiling back at me, and I realize just how true my words are. I owe
them all so much. Miranda smiles softly at me, “Very good Bella. I’m so happy
you feel that way. Okay now, Edward, your turn.”
Edward smiles at me discreetly and then says with mock solemnity, “Let’s
see…the thing I enjoyed most about therapy was the coffee. Oh, and meeting
Jasper, of course.” He winks at Jasper flirtatiously and Jasper just shakes his
head, amused.
Miranda frowns deeply and gives a weary sigh, “Edward, be serious please. No
one here enjoys your jokes.”
In direct opposition to her words, all of us are laughing loudly at Edward’s fake
offended expression. Finally, after we’ve all settled down again, Edward takes a
deep breath and squeezes my hand tightly.
“Okay, okay. The thing I enjoyed most about therapy was obviously, meeting
Bella. Therapy helped me only because it gave me her. I’m grateful that I got to
meet all of you, but that was honestly just icing on the cake. Bella is the most
important person in my life, and without her, I would never have made any
progress whatsoever. I didn’t care about anything before she came into my life.
Now, I plan to love her every day for the rest of my life, as long as she’ll have
me.”
Tears are leaking out of my eyes slowly as Edward is talking, expressing himself
more openly and truthfully than he ever has. I can’t believe he feels that way.
Sure, we’ve said we love each other, but things have always seemed a bit
unbalanced to me.
I mean, I did try to kill myself because of him.
I guess I never expected him to feel as intensely for me as I do for him. But he
does. He really does. His words sound more like a marriage proposal than a
confession in group therapy. Have I mentioned how much I love this boy? Once
or twice, maybe?
After we’re all done pouring our hearts out in this little love fest, Miranda decides
to kick it up a notch.
“Okay, now that we’ve all shared our feelings so wonderfully, I’d like to tell you
all what I’ve enjoyed most about therapy, and how it’s helped me. I’ve enjoyed
getting to know all of you young people. Every one of you is so special, and you
all have beautiful souls.”
No.
She did not just quote a Jesse McCartney song.
This is extremely sickening and disturbing.
She continues, even as Emmett is muffling laughter, “This particular group has
helped me understand the problems that society’s youth are facing today. I have
a secret to share with all of you. This was going to be my last year as a therapist;
I had planned to retire after we were finished here. But now, seeing how I’ve
helped all of you has inspired me to continue on. I’ve realized that there are still
people out there that I can heal. So thanks to you, I’ll be able to help dozens
more troubled young people. Isn’t that exciting? It’s all thanks to you!”
Her enthusiasm is met with six blank faces. We’re doing our damnedest not to
look at each other, for fear of breaking into hysterical laughter. I feel like I’m
going crazy. Did she really just say all of that?
I look to Edward for confirmation and he looks like he’s gagging in his mouth. I
cover my face with my hands tightly to hold back my snorts of disbelief. When
Miranda finally releases us, we all pile out the door like we’re afraid she’ll lock us
in if we don’t get out fast enough.
Or try to hug us.
I get as far from the building as I can before I burst, and a flood of loud laughter
escapes my mouth. But my laughter is drowned out by Edward’s musical
chuckles, Alice’s high pitched giggling, Rosalie’s silvery laughter, Jasper’s mad
chortling, and Emmett’s booming guffaws. We all calm down individually until we
look at each other, which causes it to start all over again.
Edward is the first to get a hold of himself, “Does she honestly believe that
bullshit? How sick!”
I agree, “I seriously feel guilty for unintentionally ‘inspiring her’. We’ve subjected
countless kids to more Miranda!”
Alice giggles, “I know! We’ve inflated her ego even more and then unleashed her
back into the world!”
Rosalie adds, “Those poor kids! There’s nothing we can do but thank god it’s not
us anymore.”
Emmett pulls Rose close, “No kidding. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m
getting out of here before she comes out demanding a group hug or something.
Let’s go Rosie. We’ll see you guys later.”
Jasper and Alice agree and are the next to run for the hills. Edward and I hold
hands as we amble over to the Volvo, still laughing quietly.
I look up at him and move closer to his side, “Did you really mean what you said
in there? About loving me for the rest of your life?”
He stares down at me and nods seriously.
I smile playfully, “Do you really think you can keep up with me for that long?”
He chuckles, “I don’t know. I guess we’ll have to wait and see. But I do plan on
marrying you someday, Jingle Bells.”
His words send a little thrill up my spine and I get goose bumps. I wrap my arms
around his waist and lean into his side as he pulls me even closer.
“Edward, if you can keep up with me until I’m twenty one, I’ll marry you.”
A grin lights up his face, “I think I can make it till then. It’ll be tough, but I’ll stick
it out, just for you.”
I smile and kiss his neck lovingly, “Good to know.”
Playlist: Kate Walsh- Your Song, Eisley- Brightly Wound, The Postal Service- Be
Still My Heart, OneRepublic- Won’t Stop
Please, please review! And enjoy Breaking Dawn!
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 18
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/18/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Holy crap you guys—this story got nominated for the Twilight Awards for Best
Angst and Best Romance! It’s unbelievable, and I’m so grateful to whoever
nominated me. Sadly, this is the last chapter, but I hope you will enjoy it. Thanks
to everyone who has supported my story in any way, I owe you all so much. I’ll
probably put up an announcement when voting for the Twilight Awards begins,
basically to beg you all to vote for me lol.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters, not I.
WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A LEMON!
Chapter Eighteen
Nothing Like You and I
We spent some time
together walking
Spent some time just talking
about who we were
You held my hand so
very tightly
And told me what we
could be dreaming of
There’s nothing like you and I
We spent some time
together drinking
Spent some time just thinking
about days of joy
As our hearts started
beating faster
I recalled your laughter
from long ago
There’s nothing like you and I
We spent some time
together crying
Spent some time just trying
to let each other go
I held your hand so
very tightly
And told you what I would be
dreaming of
There’s nothing like you and I
So why do I even try?
There’s nothing like you and I
I walk down the aisle slowly, silently praying I won’t trip on my dress. Or the
carpet, my high heels, or thin air. I look up into Edward’s emerald eyes, and the
paranoid thoughts fade into a quiet buzz in the back of my mind.
He winks at me jokingly, and the paranoid thoughts leave my head completely.
When I finally make it to the altar, my smile is so big that my face is going numb.
Suddenly, the wedding march begins and everyone stands up, looking towards
the door of the church. They open quietly and my jaw drops, because Rosalie
looks beautiful.
Her white dress is glamorous, but simple, and her hair is up in an elegant and
elaborate design. The veil slightly obscures her face, but even so, you can see
how big her smile is. She walks alone, no father to give her away. But Rosalie
doesn’t need him—she gives herself away.
Emmett is visibly fidgeting up on the altar, shifting his massive weight from foot
to foot anxiously and grinning like a madman. Jasper puts a hand on his shoulder
in an attempt to calm him down—to no avail it seems. Emmett looks like he
wants to pounce on Rose the second she gets within pouncing distance.
I pry my eyes away from the two of them long enough to notice that Edward
hasn’t taken his own eyes off of me since I walked through the doors. Seeing him
stand across from me in his classic black tux, I get chills thinking that this could
be us soon. I wonder if that’s what he’s thinking as well. We’ve reached my 21
year age minimum, so it’s basically a waiting game for Edward to propose for
real.
I’m simultaneously dreading it and choking on my excitement. I’ve never been a
big fan of marriage, but for Edward, I’m willing to make an exception. It’s not like
I’ll ever want anyone else.
After the tearful ceremony (on Rosalie and Alice’s part—I was too zoned out
thinking about my own wedding), we all take a limo to the reception. The
wedding party is just the six of us, the way it should be; the way it’s been for the
past three years. Actually, the way it’s been since we all started talking, that third
week of therapy.
Rose and Emmett are sitting in the front, making out furiously. Every once in a
while, without letting her lips leave his, Rose will smack Emmett’s big hands away
from her hair so he doesn’t mess it up. I seriously wonder why they didn’t take
their own limo, if they were just going to be doing that the whole ride. Alice is
bouncing up and down in her seat, and Jasper is whispering in her ear-- probably
imagining their future wedding. Edward and I sit quietly in the back, holding
hands, not needing to say anything.
Over the years, I’ve discovered that as long as we’re touching in some way, we
don’t really need to say anything. It’s like as long as our skin has contact, words
become unnecessary. We know each other so well, and yet I still can’t get
enough of him. He told me once that I replaced coke as his drug of choice.
We’re addicted.
The limo pulls up to the lavishly decorated reception hall, and my nerves kick into
high gear. As the maid of honor, I have to give a speech. I happen to suck at
speeches.
Again, Edward knows it just by looking at me, and squeezes my hand
reassuringly. I squeeze back and I know he can feel my gratitude. All of us make
our way in and settle into our places at the wedding party table. Rose decides
that now would be the best time for speeches, before everyone gets too drunk.
As the best man, Jasper goes up to the stage first, clearing his throat into the
microphone to get peoples’ attention,
“Hello everyone, I’m Jasper Hale, Emmett’s best man. First of all, thanks for
coming to celebrate with Emmett and Rose. Emmett has been my best friend
basically since the first day we met; it’s not hard to get along with someone as
crazy and hilarious as he is. And as soon as I saw how he looked at Rose, I knew
he loved her. Rosalie has become like a sister to me, but she’s been through a lot
in her life. Emmett…well, Emmett brings fun wherever he goes. He’s helped Rose
through so much, and they’re a perfect match. I just want to say that I love you
both, and congratulations. Oh, and Rosalie? Good luck!”
As the clapping and laughter subsides from Jasper’s lighthearted teasing, I make
my way up to the stage, slightly freaking out. I take a deep breath and look over
at Edward, who is beaming at me lovingly. I smile, gaining confidence from that
one look, and begin,
“Um hi, I’m Bella Swan, the maid of honor. I would also like to thank you all for
coming.”
I take another calming, deep breath, “Some people are surprised when they find
out that Emmett and Rosalie are still together, since they met so young and
under such abnormal circumstances. But it doesn’t surprise me in the least. I’ve
been there to watch their relationship grow, and what they have is so much
stronger than anyone gives them credit for. Seeing how happy they’ve made each
other over the years, and how happy they make each other still, is a beautiful
thing. I’m honored to have met Emmett and Rose, two of my best friends, and
I’m so relieved Emmett finally got the guts to propose.”
I look over at Emmett and he gives me a fake offended look, sticking out his
tongue when everyone laughs. I continue,
“Yes, Emmett, we were all waiting for it. I’m sorry to tell you that you didn’t
surprise any of us. But seriously, I’m so happy that you two are finally married,
and I wish you all the luck in the world, even though I know you don’t need it.
Luck has never played a part in your relationship; it’s been fate from the
beginning. Congrats Emmett and Rose, I love you guys!”
Everyone claps as I practically run off the stage, but not before the bride and
groom both grab me up into big hugs. I guess Rose has adopted the Emmett-
style bear hug now that they’re married. As I make my way back to the table,
planning on getting good and drunk, Edward intercepts me and pulls me towards
the dance floor.
I sigh heavily as I trip after him, “Edward we’ve been over this at least a
thousand times. I. Hate. Dancing.”
He just smiles his crooked grin and pulls me to a stop in a less crowded corner,
“All I’m asking for is one dance. And it’s non-negotiable, so get over it.”
I shake my head and lean into his body, swaying awkwardly and trying to keep
the sour look off my face. When I hear The Perishers song ‘Nothing Like You and
I’ come on, my expression lightens considerably. This is the perfect song for the
moment.
I see Rose and Emmett in the center of the dance floor, acting like they’re the
only two people in here. Alice and Jasper float by us, swaying peacefully to the
music. I’m perfectly content, but that doesn’t mean I want to stay here all night.
I can think of a few other things I’d feel even more content to be doing.
“Do you think anyone would notice if we skipped out a bit early?”
Edward chuckles silently, but I can feel the vibrations in his chest, “Uh, let me
see. The maid of honor? Yeah, I’m pretty sure someone would notice if she
disappeared. Why? Don’t you want to catch the bouquet?”
“No, because I already know we’re getting married next. It’s a dumb, pointless
tradition. But if you have your heart set on catching the stupid garter, I guess we
can stay for that.”
His eyes light up like they do every time I mention us getting married. “Well,
don’t get mad. But I happen to have a little bet going that you’ll be the one to
catch the bouquet. Jasper insists that it’ll be Alice. So what do you say? Want to
win your future husband some money?”
I roll my eyes. “Of course you guys have a bet going. I think all three of you need
professional help for your gambling addictions. Maybe I should call up Miranda,
I’m sure she’d be happy to see Jasper. You—not so much.”
He shivers, “I’d rather you didn’t. Just think of it this way: when we get married,
what’s mine is yours. So if you win me this money, it’ll be like you’re investing it
in our future.”
I roll my eyes again. I think one day they really will stick like that.
“You’re an idiot. Jasper’s an idiot. I would call Emmett an idiot, but that goes
without saying. If you want me to catch the damn thing, I want half of your
winnings. And I’ll invest it in something I want to invest it in.”
He groans, “Twenty percent.”
“Fifty percent.”
“Thirty percent.”
“Fifty percent.”
“Um honey, I don’t think you understand the concept of bargaining. You’re
supposed to lower your offer as I higher mine, until we find a compromise.”
“Fifty percent or I’ll lift Alice onto my shoulders and make sure she catches it.”
He sighs exasperatedly, “You drive a hard bargain, but okay, I give. Fifty
percent.”
He pushes me towards the crowd that’s gathered to wait for Rose to throw the
bouquet, and smacks my ass playfully, “Now go win daddy some money!”
“Please don’t ever refer to yourself as ‘daddy’ ever again. It creeps me out.”
He nods solemnly, “Point taken.”
I walk slowly over to the group of women, who are already pushing and shoving
each other. This is going to be interesting. I find a space next to Alice, and she
glares at me with a smile on her face.
“It’s on Swan. Bring it!”
I roll my eyes at her antics, “Alice, do ever think that maybe we encourage the
boys by playing along with their ridiculous bets?”
She giggles, “Oh, I know we do. But I just can’t say no to Jasper, so I end up
getting roped into these things.”
I shrug, “Yeah me too. But this time, I convinced Edward to give me half of what
he wins.”
She narrows her eyes, “So you think you’re going to win, huh? Well I think you’re
going down, bitch!”
I grin and shake my head, shoving her lightly. Finally, Rosalie stands up on the
stage and turns around, throwing the bouquet over her head dramatically.
It soars through the air, heading straight for Alice. All the women attempt to
swarm around the pixie, but she fights them off ferociously. She tries to kick me
away too, and is almost successful. Well, that’s a lie—she’s very successful. I’ll
have bruised shins tomorrow from that demon sprite.
But I have something Alice doesn’t have: an extra six inches of height. I simply
reach over to snatch the bouquet out of her fingertips and run like hell back to
Edward, who’s grinning like a jackass with his arms open and waiting.
I jump into them laughing, and hold up the bouquet triumphantly as the other
women groan and grumble. Alice is pouting in Jasper’s arms, and they’re both
giving me and Edward a death glare. We smile and wave smugly.
“Okay, now how much did you guys bet?”
Edward is still grinning, “Ten dollars.”
I pull away from his arms and look at him incredulously,
“What?! You mean I risked my life in that horde of conniving women for five
measly bucks? My shins are bruised! Five bucks won’t even buy me a pack of
freaking gum!”
I smack him hard with the bouquet and then cross my arms over my chest like a
child, “I hate you Edward Cullen.”
He can’t keep the damn smile off his stupid, smug, gorgeous face.
“Hey now, it wasn’t just for the money. We also get bragging rights for eternity.
Plus, entertainment for me. It was hilarious to watch you girls fight to the death
over some pointless flowers.”
I refuse to talk to him the rest of the night, instead choosing to sit at the table
and eat my weight in cake. I pout all the way home, even as I’m getting
undressed and ready for bed. I pull off the strapless, burgundy maid of honor
dress and those evil stilettos I was forced into. I’m standing there in my black
lacy underwear while deciding what to wear to bed, when Edward enters the
bedroom and groans like he’s in pain.
“You can’t walk around in your sexy underwear when you’re not speaking to me.
It’s not fair—you’re playing dirty.”
I smirk, “I’m not wearing this for your benefit, Mr. Ego. This is what I had on
under my dress at the wedding. Aren’t you glad you pissed me off, now that you
know what I was packing under that sexy dress?”
“I repeat—not fair. If I’d known you were wearing my favorites under there, I
would have dived for the damn bouquet myself!”
“Well, too bad so sad. Eddie’s not getting any.”
He growls low in his throat and I have to fight the urge to swallow my taunting
words and jump him.
“You, evil woman, are going to regret that.”
“I really don’t think so muffin. I’m quite happy with my decision. But I’m going to
be the only happy one in that bed tonight, because I’ve just decided to wear this
to bed. No pajamas for me.”
Edward groans again and gets down on his knees, mockingly holding his hands
clasped in front of him like he’s begging.
He says in an overly- dramatic passionate voice, “Bella my love, my life. Please
don’t cut me off. I didn’t know you’d get that upset about it! I’m sorry, and I’ll
never drag you into another bet, for as long as we both shall live.”
I laugh loudly at that one, and at the fake pleading look on his face.
“Get up, Cullen. I’ll take pity on you tonight, just because I can’t resist it when
you beg for me like that.”
He gets a mischievous look in his eyes and an evil smile flits across his face.
“Oh, I think it will be you who is begging for me by the time this night is over.”
I hold my hands up and back away slowly, until I feel my back hit the bedroom
wall. He stalks towards me with that evil smile still in place, but I can see the lust
burning under the surface as his eyes rake over my exposed body. I still can’t get
over the fact that the lust is there for me. I put it there.
I let out a squeak of surprise when he springs forward to tackle me playfully. He
turns in midair gracefully so I land on top of him on the bed, never taking his lips
from mine. We continue to make out for quite a while, me straddling him, until I
start to unbutton his shirt impatiently. He smirks because he knows I’ve caved.
Dammit.
(Lemon starts here)
When I finally get all those annoying buttons undone, I rip the shirt from his
chest and he rolls his shoulders to rid himself of it. I trail my fingers down his
body seductively and he moans when I slowly trace his flawless abs. If I’m going
to cave, I’m going to make it painful for him.
Finally, he’s had enough of my teasing and rolls us over so I’m underneath him,
unbuckles his pants, and slides them down his hips quickly. I pout because he
knows I like to do that part myself, but he just pulls my lips back to his, forcing
his tongue into my mouth.
I whimper at the raw passion behind his dominant movements tonight. I’ve never
seen anything so sexy in my entire life. No matter how many times we do this, or
how often I trace his body with my eager hands, it’s never enough. I’ll always
want more.
We’re addicted.
He unclasps my bra, and I yank his black silk boxers off as he slides my lace
panties down my legs. He leaves trails of fire where his fingers touch and now it’s
just us, no barriers, skin to skin. Delicious.
I’m already so wet for him that foreplay is totally unnecessary, but he still pauses
at my breasts to give them both equal attention from his warm hands and mouth.
This is his favorite part, or so he’s told me. Edward is definitely a boobs man. He
teasingly flicks my hard nipples with his tongue, circling them, but never taking
his glowing eyes off mine.
By now he’s ready for me as well—his throbbing erection is evidence enough. He
enters me swiftly, almost roughly, but I love every second of it. In fact I beg for
more, harder, faster, deeper. We build up a quick rhythm and move in perfect
synchronization.
I want to say that we have this down to a routine, but that makes it sound
boring. It’s anything but boring, considering the electricity I feel with every touch.
But again, it’s like we understand each other so well that we know exactly what
to do to the other, exactly what buttons to push, to maximize the pleasure.
I sound like a condom commercial.
But I can’t really think straight when Edward is moving inside of me like this,
kissing my mouth, my neck, my collarbone, my breasts. The way he does it, so
fervently, reminds me of someone who’s worshipping, or praying. Like he can’t
believe it’s real.
I know the feeling.
In next to no time, the friction is becoming too much and I can feel the coil in my
stomach start to tighten to its limit. My walls are milking Edward and I can feel
his erection pulsing inside me like never before.
Our thrusting becomes frenzied and wild as we get closer, and our moans echo
throughout the room.
Pretty soon, we’re both screaming out loudly as our joined bodies shake and
tremble in one of the most intense orgasms we’ve ever had. Is it possible for you
to go blind from an orgasm? Because all I can see are spots of light and Edward’s
sex face.
Have I mentioned how cute his sex face is? He scrunches up his eyes and bites
his bottom lip-- it drives me crazy.
He holds me close to him as we ride out the aftershocks, sweaty, panting, and
gasping for breath. My entire body feels like jello, and all I can do is laugh
breathlessly as he rolls off me and sighs in ecstasy. He has enough strength left
to bring the sheets up to our waists and pull me into his side.
(Lemon over)
After we catch our breath and come down from the high a little, we lay in the
dark, hands clasped between us.
I whisper, “So, I was thinking about our wedding…”
I can’t see it, but I can hear the smile in his voice, “And…?”
“What do you think about a therapy- themed wedding?”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“Like, serving stale doughnuts instead of cake.”
“And bad coffee instead of champagne?”
“Yes, and Miranda would have to be there.”
“Well, that goes without saying. We could have the reception in our old therapy
room. I miss those blank white walls and that scuffed up tile floor that I was
forced to stare at for hours on end.”
“We could have the wedding guests sit in those god-awful, uncomfortable, orange
plastic chairs.”
“Arranged in a circle, of course.”
“Of course. So what do you say?”
“I say whatever my bride wants, she can have.”
“I like that answer. If you keep agreeing with me like this, you’re going to make
an excellent husband.”
“I should hope so.”
“I love you Edward.”
“I’m addicted to you, Jingle Bells.”
I laugh softly, “I’d like to think I’m a bit healthier for you than most addictions.”
“True. But that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t get enough of you.”
“Good. Because you’re not getting rid of me.”
“Good. Because this is the one addiction I don’t care to break.”
Playlist: The Perishers- Nothing Like You and I, Eberg- Inside Your Head, The Spill
Canvas- This is For Keeps, Ryan Adams- Desire
THE END! PLEASE REVIEW!
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 19
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/19/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
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Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
A/N
Hey guys! Sorry I’ve sent a ton of these, but the link keeps getting messed up.
This is just a reminder to vote for Once Upon A Time, In Therapy at the Twilight
Awards! It’s nominated for Best Romance and Best Angst, so please vote!
I know I’m up against some amazing stories that are way better than mine, so if
you’d rather vote for them, I completely understand. I might even vote for some
of those others lol.
I’d also like to reiterate just how unbelievably grateful I am to all of you who
have reviewed, put my story on alert, favorited it, or put me on your author
alerts or favorites. I sincerely thank you.
Okay enough babbling, the link is on my profile!
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy, Chapter 20
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4328958/20/Once_Upon_A_Time_In_Therapy
Login . Sign Up .
FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
Books » Twilight » Once Upon A Time, In Therapy
AllyR
Author of 1 Story
1. Your Gravest Words2. Handcuffs3. Line and Sinker4. Swimmers5. First Day of
My Life6. Lover I Don't Have to Love7. Wake Up8. Ride9. Sowing Seasons10.
Wonderwall11. Drugs or Me12. Storm13. Lie In the Sound14. You Could Be
Happy15. A Message16. Smother Me17. Your Song18. Nothing Like You and I19.
AN: Twilight Awards20. AN: Indie Twific Awards
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 859 - Updated: 07-19-09 -
Published: 06-16-08 - Complete - id:4328958
Hey guys, it's been a long time!
I just wanted to let everyone know that Once Upon a Time, In Therapy has been
nominated for Best All Human Alternate Universe (Complete) and Best Use of
Music as Inspiration (Complete) at the Indie Twific Awards!
Thanks to everyone who nominated me and voted, because I made it to the final
round in both categories! This is the part where I shamelessly beg you all to go
and vote for me one more time. I'm up against some of my own favorite stories,
so I don't expect to win, but I'd really appreciate it if you all voted for me
anyways!
Voting is from 7/22 to 7/26, so please head on over and vote for Once Upon a
Time, In Therapy. Even if you don't vote for my story, you should still check it
out- all of those stories could use some more love!
The link to the site is:
http://www[dot]theindietwificawards[dot]com/
Thanks again for all of your support and votes!!!
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